A Very Potter Musical Script

1 A Very Potter Musical

Act 1 Part 1 (Curtain opens; Harry is sitting on a trunk at center stage.) HARRY: Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel glares of my cousin, my uncle and my aunt. Can't believe how cruel they are and it stings my lighting scar to know that they'll never ever give me what I want. I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on Privet drive. Can't take all of these muggles, but despite all of my struggles, I'm still alive. I’m sick of summer and this waiting around. Man, it’s September, and I'm skipping this town Hey It’s no mystery, there's nothing here for me now I gotta get back to Hogwarts, I gotta get back to school. Gotta get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm cool. Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It’s all that I love, and it's all that I need. HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, I think I'm going back--I'll see my friends, gonna laugh 'til we cry take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky NO WAY this year anyone's gonna die, and it's gonna be totally awesome I'll cast some spells, with a flick of my wand defeat the dark arts, yeah bring it on! And do it all with my best friend Ron, 'cuz together we're totally awesome (RON enters) RON: Yeah, and it's gonna be totally awesome! RON: Did somebody say Ron Weasley? (Greets Harry) Sorry it took me so long to get here I had to get some floo powder. Come on we gotta get going, get your trunk let‘s go! HARRY: Where are we going? RON: To Diagon Alley of course! HARRY: Cool! 1

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RON: Come on! RON and HARRY: Floo powder power! Floo powder power! Floo powder power! Floo powder power! RON: It's been so long, but we're going back don't go for work, don't go there for class HARRY: As long as were together-RON: -- Gonna kick some ass HARRY and RON: ... and it’s gonna be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm, stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm HERMIONE: but let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWLS! RON: Hermione why do you have to be such a buzz kill?! HERMIONE: Because guys, school‘s not all about having fun, we need to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards! HERMIONE: I may be frumpy, but I'm super smart check out my grades, they're "A's" for a start what I lack in looks well I make up in heart, and well guys, yeah, that's totally awesome this year I plan to study a lot... RON: That would be cool if you were actually hot HARRY: Hey Ron, come on, we're the only friends that she's got! RON: And that's cool... HERMIONE: ... And that's totally awesome HARRY, RON, HERMIONE: Yeah it's so cool, and it's totally awesome! We're sick of summer and this waiting around it's like we're sitting in the lost and found don't take no sorcery for anyone to see how... We gotta get back to Hogwarts we gotta get back to school we gotta get back to Hogwarts where everything is magic-cooooool EVERYONE: Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts it's all that I love, and it's all that I need at HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS 2

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HARRY, RON, HERMIONE: --- I think we're going back...

Act 1 Part 2 (Ginny enters) HARRY: Who‘s this? RON: This is my stupid little dumb sister, Ginny, she‘s a freshmen. Ginny this is Harry Potter. (Ginny and Harry shake hands) GINNY: You're Harry Potter; you‘re the boy who lived! HARRY: Yeah and you‘re Ginny. GINNY: It‘s Ginebra. HARRY: Cool, Ginny‘s fine. RON: Stupid sister! (Claps in ear) Don‘t crowd the famous friend! (Oriental music plays) HERMIONE: Do you guys hear music or something? HARRY: Music, what are you talking about? RON: Yeah someone‘s coming. Whoa! (Cho Chang posy enters, in a line, Lavender Brown in front, Cho Chang in back) GINNY: Who‘s that? HARRY: That's Cho Chang. RON: That's the girl Harry‘s totally been in love with since freshmen year. HERMIONE: Yeah but he won‘t say anything to her. RON: You never tell a girl you like her, it makes you look like an idiot. (Ginny walks to lavender brown and taps on shoulder) GINNY: Konnichiwa Cho Chang, it is good to meet you, I am Ginny Weasley. LAVENDER: Bitch, I ain‘t Cho Chang! RON: That's Lavender brown! (Claps) Racist sister! Cho: It‘s alright (to audience) I'm Cho Chang ya‘ll. HARRY: She is totally perfect! RON: Yeah too bad she‘s dating Cedric Digory huh? 3

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HARRY: What? Who the hell is Cedric Digory? (Cedric enters, pushes harry and Ron aside) CEDRIC: Oh, Cho Chang I am so in love with Cho Chang from Bangkok to Ding Dang I sing my love aloud for Cho Chang (Cho‘s posy and Cedric exit right) HARRY: I hate that guy! (Starts to exit left; Malfoy enters right and crosses to center) MALFOY: Did someone say Draco Malfoy? HARRY: What do you want Draco? MALFOY: So Potter, (circles group) back for another year at Hogwarts are you? Maybe this year you‘ll wise up and hangout with a higher caliber of wizards. HARRY: Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. (GINNY tries to join, Ron shoves her away) And I wouldn't trade them for anything. MALFOY: Have it your way.... WAIT! Don‘t tell me, Red hair, hand me down clothes, and a stupid complexion, you must be a Weasley! RON: Lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, but she‘s my pain in the ass. MALFOY: Well isn‘t this cute, it‘s like a little loser family! (Harry‘s group exits) Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. (To audience) luckily next year I‘ll be transferred to Pigfarts! MALFOY: This year you bet I’m gonna get outta here the reign of Malfoy is drawing near Ill have the greatest wizard career, (Crabbe and Goyle enter, join Malfoy) and it’s gonna be totally awesome! Look out world, for the dawn of the day when everyone will do whatever I say and that Potter won’t be in my way, and then I’ll be the one who is totally awesome! GOYLE: Yeah you’ll be the one who is totally awesome. (All enter) HERMIONE: Come on guys! Were gonna miss the train! ALL: Who knows how fast this year’s gonna go? Hand me a glass, let the butter beer flow HARRY: Maybe at last, I’ll talk to Cho, 4

5 RON: Oh no, that be WAY too awesome ALL: Were back to learn everything that we can It’s great to come back to where we began And here we are, and alakazam! Here we go, this is totally awesome! Come on and teach us everything you know The summers over and were itchin to go NEVILLE: I think we’re ready for Albus Dumbledore! ALL: Ahhhhhh. ALBUS: Welcome, all of you to Hogwarts I Welcome you all to school Did you know that here at Hogwarts We’ve got a hidden swimming pool? Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts Welcome, hotties, nerds, and tools Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts I‘d like to go over just a couple of rules: ALBUS: My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me, Dumbledore. I suppose you could also call me Albus if you wanted detention. I‘m just kidding I‘ll expel you if you call me Albus. ALL: Back to witches and wizards, and magical beasts to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts it's all that I love, and all that I need. at HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends To Gryffindors! Hufflepuffs! Ravenclaws! Slytherins! Back to the place where our story begins It’s Hogwarts, Hogwarts, ALBUS: I’m sorry, what’s its name? ALL: Hogwarts, Hogwarts DUMBLEDORE: I didn’t hear you kids! ALL: Hogwarts, Hogwarts HARRY: Man, I’m glad I’m back. (all students sit on benches and Dumbledore moves center) 5

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Act 1 Part 3 ALBUS: Welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts, and a very special welcome to my favorite student, Harry Potter. (Ron cheers obnoxiously). He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby. And another very special welcome to our newest member to Gryffindor, Ms. GINNY Weasley! GINNY: Aren‘t we supposed to be sorted by the sorting hat? ALBUS: Basically I‘ve been putting anyone who looks like a good guy in Gryffindor, and any who look like a bad guy in Slytherin, and the other two can go where ever the hell they want I don't really care. CEDRIC: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders. ALBUS: What the hell is a Hufflepuff? ..... Anyway, it‘s time now for me to introduce my very good friend, our own potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape. RON: Ah man, Prof. Snape I thought they fired that guy. He‘s just EVIL! HARRY: Come on Ron he's really not that bad. (Snape enters upstage) SNAPE: Harry Potter, Detention! For talking out of turn. Now before we begin, I will give you all your very, very first pop quiz. Can anyone tell me what a port-key is? Yes Ms. Granger. HERMIONE: (fast) A port key is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones who touch it to anywhere in the globe decided by the one who created the enchantment. SNAPE: Very good! Now can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is? Yes Ms. Granger. HERMIONE: (fast) Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story in order to return later in a more significant way. SNAPE: Perfect! RON: What is a port-key again I missed that one. HERMIONE: Oh! A port key is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one anywhere in the globe SNAPE: Now remember a port-key can be something seemingly harmless like…a football or, a dolphin. LAVENDER: Professor, Can like a person be a port-key? SNAPE: No! That‘s absurd. A person can however be a horcrux.

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7 HARRY: What's a horcrux? SNAPE: I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough. HERMIONE: So what is the point of this quiz? SNAPE: No point in particular, just important information that everyone should know. (to Audience) especially you. Now moving right along, there are four houses and they are Gryffindor! Ravenclaw! Hufflepuff! CEDRIC: Find! SNAPE: What? ... And Slytherin! Now traditionally, points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Traditionally at the end of the year the house with the most points would win the house cup. However this year were doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Dark Arts, Professor Quirrel. (Harry‘s scar starts to sting; Quarrel enters upstage left and shuffles center) QUIRREL: The house cup, a time honored tradition, for centuries the 4 houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of having the title of house champion, but where does this competition come from, and what are the roots of the tradition? HERMIONE: (fast). The house cup competition began with the first generation of Hogwarts students. QUIRREL: It was a rhetorical question. ALBUS: Granger, quit interrupting, 20 points from Gryffindor! HARRY and RON: Thanks Hermione. QUIRREL: Anyway, one champion from each of the 4 houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks to win eternal glory. HERMIONE: Kind of like a tri-wizard tournament! QUIRREL: Yes, sort of like the tri-wizard tournament, except not. There are four houses, how can it be the tri-wizard tournament with four teams? HERMIONE: But professor if I remember correctly, the house cup tournament was disbanded after one semester when one of its students was killed. ALBUS: Hermione Granger shut your ungodly, lopsided mouth and quit interrupting, 20 more points. You know, for the cleverest witch of your age you really can be a dumbass sometimes! ... (pleased) 10 points to Dumbledore. QUIRREL: Yes well it will be very dangerous, (Voldemort sneezes) ALBUS: Did your turban just sneeze? 7

8 QUIRREL: What? No. ALBUS: I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction but your mouth wasn‘t moving. QUIRREL: No that was simply a fart, excuse me. (V. keeps sneezing, H. scar stings) I must be going. (sneeze) I simply farted once more, excuse me. ALBUS: A champion from each house will be selected to compete. Now Snape will you do us the honors please? SNAPE: Yes, headmaster. First from the Ravenclaw house, Cho Chang! CHO: Oh my gosh I've won, I can‘t believe I won! SNAPE: Next from Hufflepuff: Cedric Digory. CEDRIC: Well I don't find this surprising at all. SNAPE: Next from the Slytherin house: Draco Malfoy. MALFOY: OH! I‘ve finally beaten you haven‘t I Potter? What do you think of that huh? (Lays across Potter) I'm the champion this time! (Falls on floor). ALBUS: Draco would you sit down, you little twit, Champion‘s just a title. SNAPE: And finally from the Gryffindor house: oh my, well isn‘t this curious. The only person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is now in a tournament where he may lose his life. NEVEL: If it‘s me, I‘ll just let the Gryffindors know right now I … SNAPE: Sit down, you inarticulate bubble! It‘s Harry Potter. (cheers) ALBUS: Well there they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions. And I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in 2 months and it could be anything. So let‘s get to it! (all exit except for Ron, Hermione, and Harry)

Act1 Part 4 RON: Harry, you‘ve got this thing in the bag. HARRY: I don't know man, that Cedric Digory is pretty awesome. NOT! He sucks were totally gonna win! HERMOINE: I don't know Harry…

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9 RON: OH MY GOSH Hermione, shut up! Why do you have to rain on everybody‘s parade? HERMIONIE: Because Ron, this is dangerous! HARRY: Dangerous? Oh come on Hermione how dangerous could it be, especially if it‘s me? HERMIONE: You‘re not invincible, Harry. Somebody died in the tournament. HARRY: Uh, I'm the boy that LIVED not died, come on. What's the worst that could happen? HERMIONE: And I don't know about that Quirrel character. He bumped into you and your scar started to hurt. And you have to admit there was something really funky about the back of his head. HARRY: Think about it. Professor Quirrel is a professor, and who hires professors? RON and HARRY: Dumbledore HARRY: Who‘s the smartest, most awesomest, practical wizard… RON: Beautiful. HARRY: …beautiful wizard in the whole world. Why would he possibly hire somebody who‘s trying to hurt me? Alright if it means that much to you, I‘ll just drop out. (Harry & Hermione hug) RON: Wait, WHAT?! The House cup? Come on think of all the eternal glory you‘d win! HARRY: Hey, eternal glory? I already got that. Besides Neville will be a great champion. (ALBUS enters) HERMIONE: Look there's Dumbledore, now just go talk to him and tell him that you‘re dropping out. HARRY: (to Hermione) Hey listen Dumbledore and I are really cool, we‘re really tight and I don't want him to think that I'm being lazy so could you just tell him? Tell him I wanna focus on school or something? You got this one…okay? (Touches nose) HERMIONE: Okay (Cross to ALBUS) Dumbledore? ALBUS: Yes, Ms. Granger? HERMIONE: I need to talk to you about the House cup tournament. First of all I think it‘s an awful idea, but second of all I don't think Harry Potter should compete.

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10 ALBUS: Granger, why you always gotta be such a stick in the mud? Tell me, why should Harry Potter not compete? HERMIONE: Uh, because he wants to study. ALBUS: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you. Why couldn‘t Harry have told me this himself, he thinks I'm cool, were tight. HERMIONE: Professor- I'm a really bad liar okay, I think it‘s a setup and I even think that Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter. ALBUS: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, most beautiful men I have ever met! Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just as much as he is trying to kill me! (Snape enters) SNAPE: Oh why Prof. Dumbledore, I just happen to be in the kitchen and I decided to make you this delicious sandwich. (Snape reveals a cut out of sandwich with a pipe bomb shown in the middle) ALBUS: Why thank you Severus, see Granger, how thoughtful! SNAPE: Here you are Prof. bomb- ape… I mean bone appetite. (SNAPE gives sandwich to ALBUS and ―sets‖ bomb) HERMIONE: Um, is that sandwich ticking? ALBUS: It looks like its licking, finger- licking good. HERMIONE: Prof. I don't think you should eat that sandwich. ALBUS: Why Granger, you should listen to Snape more often you may even get a sandwich out of him. (HERMIONE takes sandwich and throws it off to the side out of sight, an Explosion effect goes off) You dog gone exploded my sandwich! HERMIONE: I'm sorry sir! ALBUS: Hey, even if I did believe that Harry Potter was in danger, he has to compete. You see that cup? Well it‘s enchanted. Whoever‘s name comes out of the cup must compete or the results would be bad. HERMIONE: What do you mean bad? ALBUS: Try and imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously with every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. HERMIONE: Total protonic reversal 10

11 ALBUS: Yes, so you see he has to compete. And if it makes you feel any better the last guy that died in the tournament was a Hufflepuff so I‘ll keep my eyes open and nothing is gonna get past old Dumbledore. Now I've gotta go make a new sandwich, but I don't know how it will be as good as the last one, the last one ticked! HERMIONE: Because it was a bomb! (crosses) Harry I'm so sorry but I think you‘re going to have to compete in the house cup. But don't worry I won‘t rest until I found out what the first task is. RON: And I‘ll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default. (Draco, Crabbe, Goyle enter, Goyle is carrying Draco as Draco stares at Harry) MALFOY: Well isn‘t this touching? RON: Oh my gosh just butt out Malfoy. (Draco begins to roll on the floor) MALFOY: Goyle and I have a bet you know? He says you won‘t last 5 minutes in this tournament. I disagree; I say you won‘t last five minutes at Pigfarts. HARRY: Alright Malfoy what is Pigfarts? MALFOY: Oh! Never heard of it? Huh figures, the famous Potter doesn‘t even know about Pigfarts. HARRY: Malfoy, don't act like you don't want to talk about it, that's like the ninth time you‘ve mentioned Pigfarts. What is Pigfarts? MALFOY: Pigfarts is only the greatest wizarding school in the galaxy, it‘s where I'm being transferred next year. HERMIONE: Malfoy, I've never even heard of that. MALFOY: That's because Pigfarts is on Mars. HARRY: You know Malfoy, were trying to have a conversation here. So if you could just leave us alone. MALFOY: Oh! I'm not even here. (Harry, Ron and Hermione begin to murmur then mention Dumbledore) MALFOY: Dumbledore?! He‘s nothing like Rumbleroar! GOYLE: RUMBLEROAR! MALFOY: Rumbleroar‘s the headmaster at Pigfarts. HARRY: If you don't mind, were trying to have a conversation here, get outta here. 11

12 MALFOY: Well I can‘t help if I can hear everything you say we‘re the only ones in here. HARRY: Please Malfoy please just get out of here please. MALFOY: Where are we supposed to go? HARRY: Uh I don‘t know Pigfarts! MALFOY: Ha-ha, now you‘re just being cute. I can‘t GO to Pigfarts; it‘s on MARS. You need a rocket ship. Do you have a rocket ship, Potter? (Malfoy breaks between Ron and Harry and starts to (roll) on them.) You know not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died. HARRY: Alright that's it this is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. Sure you can make fun of me but when you bring my parents into this it‘s a whole other story. MALFOY: Whoa! Not so fast Potter, Crabbe! Goyle! GOYLE: Back off nerd! HARRY: Whoa! Whoa! I'm scared! MALFOY: Not so tough now, are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lolly-gagging ginger and his stupid mudblood girlfriend. HERMIONE: Oh that is IT Malfoy, Jelly legs jinx! GOYLE: Hey no fair my legs are jelly! (Crabbe and Goyle fall on backs with feet shaking in the air. Hermione grabs Malfoy‘s tie and points wand at his nose) HERMIONE: Take it back Malfoy! MALFOY: Take what back? HERMIONE: Take back what you said about your stupid made up space school! RON: Yeah and all that stuff you said about Hermione being my girlfriend that's not even a little bit true. HERMIONE: And say you‘re sorry for calling me a you-know-what. MALFOY: I'm sorry! HERMIONE: And you promise you‘ll never do it again?

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13 MALFOY: I promise! HERMIONE: Alright! Now next time we tell you to leave us alone you better do it! Come on Harry, Ron let‘s get out of here. Un-jellify! RON: That was like the most BA thing I‘ve ever seen it, too bad no one was here to see it. It was like an outbreak of pent-up aggression like: ―Ahh, Hermione…‖ (Ron Harry and Hermione exit, Crabbe and Goyle get up) GOYLE: I can‘t believe I couldn‘t figure out the counter curse was just un-jellify! MALFOY: Am I bleeding? I thought maybe…maybe it was a little… wow; I've never been pushed down like that by a girl. Maybe I shouldn‘t call her a mudb- whatever. Come on let‘s go watch Wizards of Waverly Place! (They exit)

Act 1 Part 5 (Quirrell enters) QUIRREL: Fools! They‘re all fools. They think they‘re safe. They think they‘re back to another year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts, little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses. Or should I say on the back of their heads… (Quirrell turns with his back to the audience so that Voldemort is facing the audience. Quirrell removes the turban to reveal Voldemort for the 1st time. V. screams then begins coughing.) VOLDEMORT: I can‘t breathe in that turban! QUIRREL: I'm sorry sir, but it‘s a necessary precaution, for if they knew that you lived that when Harry Potter destroyed you, your soul lived on. VOLDEMORT: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the forbidden forest, eating bugs, and mushrooms, and unicorn blood. QUIRREL: And that's when I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul. VOLDEMORT: Yes, nobody must know any of that. Now Quirrel, get me some water! (Quirrel grabs a nearby water bottle) Now Quirrel, pour it in my mouth. (Quirrel does so with difficulty) I'm done with the water! We must not have any more foul-ups like tonight in the Great Hall. 13

14 QUIRREL: I'm sorry my lord, you sneezed. VOLDEMORT: I know that! Get me some Nasonex you swine! (Quirrel gets Voldemort nasal spray then uses it himself) Wash that turban! It tickles my nose. QUIRREL: Yes, my dark king. VOLDEMORT: Okay just relax with the dark king okay? I watch you wipe your butt daily. You can call me Voldemort, were there. We‘ve reached that point. QUIRREL: Yes, my…my Voldemort VOLDEMORT: Now Quirrel, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter. Tonight, in the Great Hall, he was so close, I could have touched him. Revenge is at my fingertips Quirrel. (Quirrel rinses with mouthwash) I can taste it, it tastes like…cool-mint. QUIRREL: That's our Listerine, Voldemort. VOLDEMORT: Yes, excellent. Well… goodnight, Quirrel. ( Voldemort is facing bed, the 2 lean over onto the bed, Voldemort is laying with his head in the pillow, Quirrel is on top of him.) Okay! Okay! I can‘t do this! We gotta roll over; I can‘t sleep on my tummy. QUIRREL: But I always sleep on my back, I have back troubles. VOLDEMORT: You roll over I‘ll… I‘ll eat your pillow! You will be having a dream you are eating a marshmallow but you will wake up and your favorite goose feather pillow will be missing. QUIRREL: Fine we‘ll compromise, we‘ll sleep on our side. VOLDEMORT: Okay I guess I can do this. QUIRREL: Now goodnight! VOLDEMORT: Goodnight Quirrel.

Act 1 Part 6 (Scene opens with Harry playing guitar in a chair with a suitcase on the floor next to him, Hermione is reading on a bench. Neville is on the opposite side of the stage taking care of a plant also on a bench) HERMIONE: Harry, don't you think you should be trying to figure out what the first task is gonna be? You could actually die if you're not ready. 14

15 HARRY: Can‘t you just do it for me? Can‘t you just prepare all my stuff for me? I mean what are you doing right now? HERMIONE: I'm writing your potions essay HARRY: Oh well do that first cause that's due tomorrow. But after that can your prepare for the first task please?? Thank you! You are the best! (touches Hermione‘s nose) (Ginny enters right) Hey Ginny come here, I wanna show you something. GINNY: Hey, Harry Potter! HARRY: Listen I want to play you this song I've been working on. I want to play it for this girl I really like, so I just want to know what you think, so just for the purposes of now, cause I'm still working out the lyrics, I'm gonna put your name where hers should be but I don't think it‘s gonna work out, but we‘ll try. HARRY: You’re tall and fun and pretty You’re really, really skinny …Ginny I’m the Mickey to your Minnie You’re the Tigger to my Winnie Ginny Wanna take you to the city Gonna take you out to diney Ginny You’re cuter than a guinnie pig Wanna take you up to Winnipeg That’s in Canada! Ginny Ginny Ginny Ginny--This doesn‘t work with your name at all. How does it make you feel, emotionally? Don't you think it could make a girl fall in love with me? GINNY: I think it already has. HARRY: Awesome! Cause it‘s for Cho Chang! GINNY: Oh yeah…she is beautiful. HARRY: What are you nuts? Beautiful? More like super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot! She‘s far more attractive, more appealing, and more interesting than any girl than I know, in my immediate group of friends. 15

16 (Ron enters) RON: Hey Neville (hits Neville in the back of the head as he jumps over bench.) (to Ginny) move, move, move, move… (Ginny scoots over knocking Hermione on the floor, Ron sits next to Harry) Hey! Harry, what's up? So I was just offstage hanging out with Hagrid, and I saw these delivery wizards bringing giant cages into the dungeon. HERMIONE: Giant cages?! I bet whatever is in those cages has something to do with the first task! Harry, we have to find out what it is. RON: Well it doesn‘t matter because its after hours, we can‘t leave the Gryffindor house, and we‘ll probably get in trouble if we do, even if we do, shlongbottom over there will probably tell on us. HERMIONE: Oh Neville won‘t tell. NEVILLE: Oh yes I most certainly will! RON: So what are we gonna do? HERMIONE: Simple you guys, the cloak. RON: Of course… (they stand up and face the audience) RON, HARRY, HERMIONE: The cloak. GINNY: Wait, what cloak? RON: Shhhhhhh! (Claps in ear) (Harry begins to open suitcase, Neville begins to exit) HARRY: I got a present last year --- oh bye Neville. I got a present last year, my first year at Hogwarts and it was left to me by my dad, my dad that's dead, (to audience) my father‘s dead. (to Ginny) It‘s my invisibility cloak! GINNY: Oh wowee Harry Potter! Oh! Oh! Do you know what I would do if I had an invisibility cloak? HARRY: I would kick wiener dogs. RON: I would pretend to be a ghost and scare mean people. HERMIONE: I would use it to avoid ever facing my reflection in the mirror. GINNY: Well actually I was gonna say I would use it to fake my own death and watch people cry at the funeral! 16

17 HARRY: Ok, well, let‘s get outta her. (all begin to exit) RON: (stopping Ginny) Whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you think you're going? GINNY: With you guys? RON: No way! No kid sisters allowed (claps in ear) besides there's only enough room under this cloak for 2 people so uh, come on Hermione, come on! (Hermione hands guitar to Ginny and exits with Ron)

Act 1 Part 7 (Quirrel enters) QUIRREL: (to Voldemort) Master, master the shipment for the first task of the tournament has just arrived! VOLDEMORT: Yes I know Quirrel; I hear everything that you hear! (Quirrel takes off turban) QUIRREL: Isn‘t this wonderful? We have made sure that Harry‘s name was drawn from the cup and soon he will be ours! VOLDEMORT: Yes…its really happening isn‘t it Quirrell? ...You know, with the plan going so well, I think that maybe we should celebrate. What do you say Quirrel, how‘s about we go out? I hear its karaoke night down at the Hog‘s Head. QUIRREL: I don't know, I have all these papers to grade, and I've been giving so much attention to this revenge plan that I've gotten a little behind. VOLDEMORT: Ahh come on Quirrel, you‘ve been working so hard all year, you deserve a night off! QUIRREL: But the papers… VOLEMORT: Oh just give them all B‘s and be done with it! QUIRREL: Now that's evil! (Grades papers) B…B…B-! You know, I haven‘t had this much fun since Nearly Headless Nick‘s death day party of ‘91. VOLDEMORT: I haven‘t had this much fun since….well, I can‘t remember ever having this much fun! QUIRREL: You never had fun ever? Doing anything? Maybe that's why you're so evil.

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18 VOLDEMORT: Yeah, maybe. I definitely thought it was the fact that muggles and mud bloods make me feel sick to my stomach, but yeah I guess you could be right … QUIRREL: What is it Voldemort? VOLDEMORT: Oh it‘s just I never really ever considered there was another reason for me being so evil. Because normally I just… I just kill people who try to get me to open up you know? …Oops. It‘s just kinda nice to just talk. QUIRREL: Yeah, you know I have to admit I was kind of nervous when you first demanded that you attach yourself to my soul. VOLDEMORT: Yeah, I could sense that. QUIRREL: But like now I think it‘s kind of cool, it‘s like having a really close roommate or even… VOLDEMORT: Yeah like a slave… like a death eater. QUIRREL: No man, it‘s like having a friend. VOLDEMORT: I've never had a friend before. QUIRREL: Well it looks like you‘ve got one now. QUIRRELL: I guess it’s plain to see When you look at you and me were different different as can be VOLDEMORT and QUIRREL: Well lead em to the slaughter and well murder Harry Potter We’re different Different Different, different As can be! (They exit. Ron, Harry, and Hermione enter with the ―cloak‖, Harry in front, Ron, Hermione) RON: This cloak isn‘t as big as it used to be. HERMIONE: Now where did you say you saw those crates being delivered? RON: I think they were being delivered to the auditorium so they should be at the end of this hallway and to the left.

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19 (They walk in place while the pillars move upstage in order to give the idea of walking forwards. A sheep in a cage is set on the right side of the stage.) HARRY: Hey look! HERMIONE: A sheep?? HARRY: Oh my gosh, I have to fight a sheep? I don't know if I can do that morally. (Snape and Albus enter) SNAPE: And the sheep have all been sent for feeding time, headmaster. ALBUS: Feeding time? Dragons don't want to be fed they want to hunt! HARRY: (to group) Did he just say dragons? SNAPE: (to Albus) Did you just say ―Did he just say dragons?‖ ALBUS: I must have, because anyone else hiding in this room would have know to shut up… Potter! SNAPE: Headmaster, do you really think it‘s wise to have children fight dragons? ALBUS: No Snape I don't think it‘s wise to do anything anymore, here I am alive and well today, but I could very well be killed by you, tomorrow. SNAPE: Why that's absurd! ALBUS: Have you ever seen my room? I have some pretty kickin‘ posters on my wall. (They exit; Harry takes off cloak and hands it to Ron) HARRY: Man I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon, I'm just a little kid? RON: Well maybe it won‘t be that bad Harry, maybe you‘ll just have to fight like Mushu from Mulan or Puff the Magic Dragon. HERMIONE: Ron, this is serious! Harry could die. Alright there's still time, we just need to figure out a plan. (They exit)

Act 1 Part 9 (Snape is center stage) SNAPE: The Hogwarts champions now must enter the champion‘s tent in preparation of the first task. (exit) 19

20 HARRY: (enter with lunch sack) Man I can‘t believe I have to skip lunch period for this stupid task. (Hermione enters) HERMIONE: Okay Harry today is the day you fight the dragon, now did you read those notes I made for you on dragons? HARRY: No, but at least I have my wand… (Searches for wand, Hermione pulls wand out of her cloak) HERMIONE: Here. HARRY: Hey, (taps her nose) you‘re the best. HERMIONE: Harry, please just don't die today. I don't want to see my best friend get eaten by a dragon. (They hug, Draco and Cedric enter) Cedric: So tell me more about this Pigfarts, I FIND it to be very interesting. DRACO: Well while you‘re there you have to wear your spacesuit at all times, because if you don‘t, you‘ll probably die. But the good news is if you're a good enough student, Rumbleroar lets you ride around on his back. CEDRIC: And he's the headmaster lion? DRACO: Who can talk! CEDRIC: Well hello Harry, how are you feeling today? HARRY: Hey Cedric, trying to stay positive. CEDRIC: Well good! I'm happy to FIND you in good spirits. Ms. Granger. HERMIONE: Hello. (Cho is heard offstage then runs to Cedric) CHO: Sugar pie! CEDRIC: My darling! HARRY: I hate that guy. (Albus enters)

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21 ALBUS: WOAH, God Granger, I thought you were a Bogart. And what the hell are you doing in the champions‘ tent? Ten more points. HARRY: Thanks Hermione! (Hermione exits) ALBUS: Now are you kids ready to fight a dragon? Of course not you're just children what the hell am I thinking? Now outside this tent there are thousands upon thousands of screaming fans now they‘re either gonna be cheering for you, or the dragon, but either way they are gonna be making some kinda noise. So in order for the selection process to be fair I am randomly going to select a cardboard cutout size version of the dragon you will be facing. Cedric for you, Puff, the magic dragon. Cho, Figment, the imaginary dragon. Draco, The reluctant dragon. And for you Potter, the Hungarian Horntail the most terrifying thing you‘ve ever seen in your whole life! Anyway if there are no more complaints… HARRY: Wait a second! This is terrifying, and those are the cutest things I‘ve ever seen. (Albus picks up Figment) ALBUS: This thing is horrifying! Just use your imagination. Disapparate. (Albus exits; Ron enters holding a box of Double stuffed Oreos) RON: Oh my god, this competition‘s gonna suck! All these dragons are wimpy, Accio double-stuff. (Takes a bite of Oreo then glances at Harry‘s dragon) OH MY GOD, MONSTER! Is that yours?! HARRY: Yeah. RON: It‘s awesome, I wanna hold it. Oh my god this thing is terrifying, I hope the real thing is smaller, rawr. Ferocious. What are you gonna do? HARRY: I don't know, I'm not cut out for this kind of stuff… (Hermione enters, followed by Snape) HERMIONE: Ron, you can‘t be in here this is the Champions‘ tent… SNAPE: Ms. Granger, what the devil are you doing in the Champions‘ tent? Ten points from Gryffindor. RON AND HARRY: Thanks Hermione! RON: Hey, good luck buddy. Bye Snape! SNAPE: Bye! (Ron and Hermione exit) SNAPE: Cedric Digory, now it is time to face your dragon. 21

22 CEDRIC: Alright fellas, wish me luck. CHO: I believe in you. CEDRIC: That's all I needed to hear. (Snape and Cedric exit) HARRY: Hey Malfoy, I tell you what, I‘ll let you switch dragons with me, I‘ll give you the chance to switch dragons with me, I‘ll give you that opportunity. DRACO: Um lemme think about it… no. (Snape enters) SNAPE: Ms. Cho Chang, your dragon awaits. CHO: Well I can‘t IMAGINE that this will be very hard. SNAPE: Then I IMAGINE it won‘t be. (They exit) HARRY: Tell you what I‘ll throw in my Teddy Grahams with the Gushers and you can make little gusher teddy graham sandwiches. DRACO: Alright thrown in that pack of Doritos and you‘ve got yourself a deal. HARRY: Absolutely not. (Snape enters) SNAPE: Draco Malfoy (Draco exits; long pause onstage) SNAPE: Out you go Potter. (Snape pushes Potter to center stage) ALBUS: And now Harry Potter will fight the Hungarian Horntail the most terrifying thing you‘ve ever seen in your whole life. (Blackout)

Act 1 Part 10 (Snape is seen holding a wreath)

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23 SNAPE: Attention all Hogwarts students, tonight is our annual Yule ball, so please remember to pick up your Yule ball wreath and give it to someone special. (Ginny enters) SNAPE: AHH GINGER! (Snape throws wreath at Ginny and runs offstage, Ginny drops wreath and exits, Harry enters opposite side, picks up wreath. Ron enters) RON: Hey there good buddy how ya doin‘? HARRY: I'm okay RON: Is that a Yule Ball wreath? HARRY: Yeah RON: Who ya gonna ask? HARRY: Well I asked Cho Chang but she turned me down for Cedric Stupory. RON: Oh my goodness they‘re going together? That is so great, I love him so much there are so… HARRY: No, no, no! RON: I hate him, I hate him so much. Oh my gosh he pisses me off. Aw man that sucks dude, I don't know why she‘d turn you down; you're like the coolest guy in school. HARRY: I know I don't get it man, I play guitar, I'm Harry Potter I'm awesome! I‘ll probably just go alone. RON: Yeah I‘ll probably go alone too, I mean the only girls who don't have dates already are Ginny (both thumbs down) and Hermione(both thumbs down farther) and I'm not going with my stupid sister. HARRY: And I think of Hermione as my sister so that out. RON: We are in such a puzzle. (Neville enters) NEVILLE: My look at these strapping young men! RON AND HARRY: Hey Neville HARRY: Hey want this Yule Ball wreath. NEVILLE: Well I guess if you're willing to part with it I will take this wreath! 23

24 HARRY: Hey Ron lets go hang out with Hagrid, he can teach us how to dance and we can get in our dress robes! RON: That can only lead us to disaster and hilarity, let‘s go! I just don't know about Hermione because I don't think anyone‘s asked her because she‘s just so butt ugly! (Ron, Harry exit, Goyle enters) GOYLE: (to Neville) give that plant, nerd! (Neville runs offstage) Oh Goyle rules! (Draco and Crabbe enter carrying a cape mount of the Slain Dragon) MALFOY: yes it was Reluctant enough at first, but I lured it out of its cage and… Goyle, what are you doing with that wreath?! What are you going to ask someone to the Yule Ball? GOYLE: (drops wreath)…No. Dancing‘s for nerds! CRABBE: And pretty girls! MALFOY: You‘re right; you know who the last girl I‘d ever ask to the Yule ball would be? That Hermione Granger. Not even if we were the last 2 people on earth and she looked absolutely stunning in her ball gown so that every time I looked at her I would get butterflies in my tummy. (Pansi enters) CRABBE: Dancing is for Pansies. MALFOY: Hey you there what's your name? PANSI: Pansi. MALFOY: Perfect! You're going to the Yule Ball with me. You see that dragon? Well it was reluctant enough at first but I lured… (All Exit, Quirrel enters carrying a bowl with a ladle wrapped in a cloth napkin) (Quirrel sets down bowl, still holding ladle, takes off turban) QUIRREL: My lord the Yule ball has finally arrived, and I've brought the key! VOLEDMORT: (frustrated) Yes I know Quirrel I hear everything you hear! QUIRREL: I'm sorry.

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25 VOLDEMORT: No I'm sorry, I shouldn‘t have snapped, I'm just nervous that's all. I don't wanna talk about it. Hey Quirrel, we should make plans. QUIRREL: Evil plans?! VOLDEMORT: Uh, no casual plans like, we could go rollerblading on a Saturday and see a movie that night. QUIRREL: Yeah it will be great because we‘ll both be able to watch it for a change. VOLDEMORT: Whatever happens tonight man, it‘s been a blast. QUIRREL: Yeah, one crazy year. (V. cheers), hey- promise we‘ll go rollerblading and see that movie. VOLDEMORT: Oh, man, I promise. (Quirrel wraps his arms around himself as if to hug V., V. sighs in satisfaction.) Okay, Quirrel let‘s go plant that key and split, pun intended! (Quirrel puts turban back on Snape enters.) SNAPE: Why, professor Quirrel, what are you doing in the great dance hall just moments before the dance? QUIRREL: Just decorating or the Yule Ball just some last minute decorations. Just one final touch. (drops ladle ―key‖ into the punch bowl) SNAPE: A ladle? QUIRREL: A very special ladle, for a very special night, for a very special punch. SNAPE: And what's so special about this punch? QUIRREL: Let‘s just say there‘s Sierra Mist in it. SNAPE: Sierra Mist?! Is that not the favorite drink of one Harry Potter? QUIRREL: Is it? I had no idea. Well we better be goingSNAPE: We?! QUIRREL: I better be going, loud music hurts my ears! SNAPE: Okay well I‘ll see you later then. QUIRREL: Or maybe you won‘t!

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26 SNAPE: Or maybe I will! (they exchange a glance then Quirrel exits running into Albus, and Snape crosses to center.) ALBUS: Hey, Severus! SNAPE: Oh headmaster! ALBUS: What are you doing in here? Getting some punch are you? SNAPE: Oh I wouldn't there‘s Sierra Mist in there. ALBUS: Oh only Harry Potter likes that stuff, I‘ll stick with my Red Bull, thank you very much. SNAPE: Well, I‘ll see you tomorrow headmaster. ALBUS: Oh but Severus aren‘t you going to stay for the dance? SNAPE: Well I would headmaster, but you see an old friend is coming back into town tonight. (laughs and exits)

Act 1 Part 11 (Enter Students to soft slow music, Ron enters L. carrying a 6 pack of butter beer, Harry is sulking downstage right) HARRY: Hey, Ron. RON: Hey what's up dude? Have you seen Hermione anywhere? HARRY: No I haven‘t, why? RON: Oh nothing, it‘s just you know, I heard that Hermione is in the girl‘s room just crying her eyes out, in a bathroom stall. Isn‘t that like the saddest thing you‘ve ever heard? I mean I don't know it was inevitable that one day Hermione would realize that no guy would ever like her, because of her obnoxious personality and her ugly face. MALFOY: Hey you two over here talking about Granger? HARRY: Malfoy why don't you just get out of here it‘s none of your business, why don't you just go dance with Pansi over there? MALFOY: (to Pansi) Hey go get me some punch. PANSI: Okay, um I should tell you there‘s Sierra Mist in it. MALFOY: Sierra Mist?! Never mind I‘ll stay dehydrated! Go powder your nose of something.

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27 PANSI: But I just fixed my make up a little while ago. MALFOY: Trust me you need more powder. (to Harry) Pain on the eyes right? (Pansi exits) So anyway, noticed Granger‘s not around here, probably better that way too. RON: Man, why don't you just give her a break for once okay, Malfoy? MALFOY: Why defending her Weasley? Have a crush? RON: NO! Why all the insults Malfoy, covering up a crush? MALFOY: Oh right, right like I could ever have a crush on that stupid mudCHO: OH MY GOSH! (Hermione enters upstage center. Students adlib: She looks so beautiful, bless her heart!) RON: Here I am face to face with a situation I never ever thought I’d see strange how a dress can take a mess and make her nothing less than beautiful to me I feel like my eyes have been transfigured something deep inside has changed they've been open wide, but hold that trigger this could mean . Danger I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love with Hermione Granger

DRACO: WHAT? what the hell is this? YOU expect me to sing about her? don't care about her it's just a little make up Draco, Wake up I'm mistaken she--- is the hottest girl I've ever seen now--- because she's like a girl I've never seen don't know why---- I'd ever be so mean, this could mean DANGER!

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28 I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love With Hermione Granger. MALFOY and RON: I wanna let her know.... MALFOY: I feel so queasy MALFOY and RON: But I can’t let it show.... RON: She’d laugh poor Weasley RON: Come on Ron DRACO: Draco TOGETHER: You gotta let it go, you gotta let it go

TOGETHER:----------------------------------MALFOY: WHAT? what the hell is this? I want to sing about her sing about her I want to make up granger, wake up I’ve been mistaken she--- is the hottest girl I've ever seen now--- because she's like a girl I've never seen don't know why---- I'd ever be so mean, this could mean DANGER! RON: here I am face to face with a situation I never thought I’d see strange how a dress can take a mess and make her nothing less than beautiful to me I feel like my eyes have been transfigured something deep inside has changed they've been open wide, but hold that trigger this could mean . Danger TOGETHER: I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love With Hermione Granger. With Hermione Grander. With Hermione Granger. DANGER!

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29

Act 1 Part 12 RON: Ah I can‘t believe it. HARRY: What? RAN: I can‘t believe that she is dancing with every other guy here but me. That is so stupid. HARRY: Why do you care man? RON: I don't care man and that‘s what I'm going to go up and tell her. I'm going to go up to her and say, I don't care what you do, and she‘s going to feel so stupid, she‘s going to feel like such an idiot. HARRY: Hey, listen Ron, you're acting like a real jerk, and maybe you should take it easy on the butter beer. RON: No! HERMIONE: Hey, guys. HARRY: Hey, Hermione, hey you look great. HERMIONE: Oh thanks! You know I used to think looks weren‘t important but now I think they are more important than anything. I mean I'm just having so much fun dancing with everyone! RON: Wow, Hermione, when did you become so shallow? HERMIONE: What is wrong with you Ron! RON: Nothing! Nothing‘s wrong with me, why don't you just go ask shlongbottom to dance huh? HERMIONE: You know what maybe I will! (Storms off) RON: I showed her. HARRY: Wait a hot second; I know what's going on here! You‘ve got a crush! Alright Ron, maybe what you should do is you should go over there and tell her how you feel. RON: What no! Because then she‘d know that I liked her and you always know that you never tell a girl you like them because it makes you look like an idiot! HARRY: I know you‘ll look like an idiot, anytime you tell a girl you like her it makes you look dumb, that is inevitable, but listen, it‘s something you have to do. We look like idiots anyway. You just gotta…give it a chance. (ease way over to Ginny seen sitting on a bench) Maybe there‘s something there you didn‘t see before. I mean you just gotta go and find something special that was there the whole time you just didn‘t have the guts to…say anything. RON: Wait where are you going? I'm still mad and sad. 29

30 HARRY: Hold on, Harry‘s going to take his own advice, pal. (Cross to Ginny) Hey, Ginny! GINNY: Hey, Harry. HARRY: Can I sit down? GINNY: Um, yeah, sure. HARRY: So, how‘s Hogwarts? GINNY: Well…it‘s okay, well actually I was really excited to come here, but now that I'm here I just don't think I belong. HARRY: Oh yeah, I totally know what you mean. GINNY: Uh, no you don't. You‘re Harry Potter HARRY: Yeah I know, but for 11 years I was just this dumb kid who got the crap kicked out of him and lived under these stairs. All of a sudden it was like, YOU'RE A WIZARD, YOU HAVE ALL THESE POWERS! And now everybody thinks I'm cool all of a sudden, it‘s weird, it‘s kind of isolating. GINNY: I understand, it‘s like when you first got here nobody wanted to get to know you because they thought they already knew you, but eventually you‘ll find some people who want to get to know you for the real you. HARRY: You know Ginny, I have found someone and I've taken them for granted so you know what? Come on. You want to dance? That's the whole point of the evening. (Harry takes Ginny to center stage, they dance) Now I've got to warn you, I learned all my best dance moves from Hagrid, so I'm not that great. GINNY: I'm sure you‘ll be fine… wow Harry Potter; I don't care what anybody says you're the best dancer that ever was. HARRY: Well you see Ginny I have a confession to make. You see these shoes; they‘re actually magical enchanted dancing shoes. I'm just messing with you; I'm just awesome at dancing. (Ron karate chops between Hermione and Neville as if to cut in) RON: YAH! When you dance with Neville is when you cross the line. (Shoves butter beer at Neville) Here take this beat it, get outta here. (Neville exits with butter beer) HERMIONE: Why are you being so mean to me? RON: I'm not being mean! 30

31 HERMIONE: Yes you ARE! You know everyday everyone is trying to put me down, and the one day I actually feel like a person you‘re trying to RUIN IT!! RON: (backing off) Holy crap. HERMIONE: What is wrong with you Ron? MALFOY: Weasley! (Rolls to Ron) the lady said no. HERMIONE: Not you too! You know what, I am so sick of both of you! I hate you both! (slaps Draco and Ron and exits) MALFOY: What did you say to her?? RON: Nothing! MALFOY and RON (ad lib overlapping): I'm bleeding! Oh, look at this! look what she did to me! HARRY: Ginny, I feel kind of dizzy. GINNY: Well then maybe we should stop spinning. HARRY: …We have stopped spinning…. Wait no, no no no no! I can‘t do this, you're Ginny Weasley, you're my best friends little sister, you're Ron Weasley‘s sister, I can‘t I'm sorry Ginny I can‘t do this. (Ginny exits crying) Hey, Cho, dance with me, I'm Harry Potter, let's go. (takes Cho) CEDRIC: Uh, excuse me; I believe I was dancing with the lady. HARRY: Yeah, I know, and I'm cutting in, so… CEDRIC: Well I FIND that to be very rude. HARRY: Alright Cedric why don't we FIND out what the lady has to say about it CHO: Boys, there‘s no need to fight over little old‘ me! But by the way Cedric said that you cheated on the Dragon‘s test. HARRY: Cheated?! Are you kidding me that thing was trying to eat me! I was in its mouth! CEDRIC: Exactly, what went on in there, I‘d like to FIND out. HARRY: Alright, that is it Digory we are dueling! Let‘s go! CHO: Oh gosh, all this excitement is making me thirsty.

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32 HARRY: Oh Cho I‘ll get you something to drink I‘ll get you some punch! CEDRIC: No I‘ll get the punch. HARRY: No I will get the punch! CEDRIC: Fine, have the punch! (punches Harry, harry falls on floor) HARRY: Cedric Digory, I‘m gonna kill you! (Harry grabs ladle and tries to hit Cedric, scene change)

Act 1 Part 13 (Cedric and Harry fall on floor) CEDRIC: Where are we? HARRY: I don't know Cedric someone punched me in the face and my sense of direction got a little goofed up. CEDRIC: Well it seems clear to me now that that punch ladle was a port key, and now thanks to you, we‘ve both been transported to some mystery location. HARRY: Brilliant Cedric, well you're a Hufflepuff why don't you FIND a way out of this place. CEDRIC: Harry, I think I FOUND something; it appears to be a headstone. We must be in some sort of graveyard. Tom Riddle, Mary Riddle, Thoms Riddle. Riddle me this, eh Potter? HARRY: Cedric, you are so annoying, okay. You're just like this guy that's around all the time, when I don't need a guy around. You're this spare guy all the time, this spare dude, you're such a spare!! VOLDEMORT: Kill the spare! QUIRREL: Avada Cadavra!! CEDRIC: So many regrets, I'm dead. HARRY: oh my wizard god! QUIRREL: Not so fast! Petrificus Totalus! HARRY: Professor Quirrel you just killed Cedric! QUIRRELL: Not I Potter, but perhaps you would like to see who did; he‘s dying to see you. (Removes turban) VOLDEMORT: Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, it‘s good to see you again! 32

33 SNAPE: The Cauldron is ready my Lord! (Quirrell goes behind cauldron as if to go into it, Snape drops in a cut out bone, then he takes a dagger and cuts off his hand into the cauldron. Snape groans in agony, as another death eater takes the dagger from Snape and uses it to cut Harry‘s hand) SNAPE: Detention Potter! ( Quirrel jumps out of the cauldron only wear a white business shirt, black tie and slacks, Voldemort is no longer attached to him.) QUIRREL: (grabbing back of head) It worked! (Voldemort stands on a stool set behind the cauldron, the tunic once holding Quirrell and V. together is now a cape. Voldemort is wearing no shirt, the cape, pants and tap shoes. He takes a step forward with great anticipation)

Act 1 Part 14 BELLATRIX: My Dark Lord (bows to Voldemort) VOLDEMORT: Bellatrix Lestrange! BELLATRIX: Oh my liege, tell me it‘s going to be like the old days, where we did nothing but torture and murder! VOLDEMORT: Ah the old days are back, baby! BELLATRIX: I can‘t tell you what it was like without you. VOLDEMORT: Well I'm never going again, because I‘ve conquered death, and my first pleasure will be to kill Harry Potter! The next, to take over the Ministry of Magic, and rule the world for all time!! BELLATRIX: And you will my Lord, but not yet, for now we must stick to the plan, we blame Potter‘s murder on Quirrel, so that your return may remain a secret. QUIRREL: I'm sorry, what was that? BELLATRIX: You shall refer to him as my Lord, my Liege or my Dark Lord only!... VOLDEMORT: Oh no, Bellatrix, it‘s cool. Quirrel‘s cool. Over the last year he‘s proven himself to be a very good fr—(pause) a very good servant to the will of the Dark Lord. QUIRREL: Oh I see so…! BELLATRIX: Silence slave! Crucio! (Quirrel falls to floor screaming Voldemort grabs Bellatrix arm down, Bellatrix laughs) 33

34 BELLATRIX: What‘s the matter, he is your pawn, and you are his queen. It is an honor to serve the Dark Lord!! VOLDEMORT: (cross to Quirrel who is still on the floor) Are you alright? QUIRREL: Did you really know that the whole time you‘d blame Potter‘s murder on me? VOLDEMORT: …Yes…yes, I knew, but things have changed over the last year, I feel... How do I explain this? It‘s like that movie She‘s All That! Remember we watched it together. Remember how at the end, Freddy Prince Jr. turns out to be good. QUIRREL: No, I didn‘t see the end because you were watching it, on the back of my head, sucking my soul! VOLDEMORT: Well I wish there was another way, but I‘ve got to take over the world! QUIRREL: Well there it is. Let me tell you now it‘s going to be pretty hard to make that rollerblading date from Azkaban. BELLATRIX: Death eaters, take him away. (To Voldemort) And now you have what you‘ve waited for, for so long. VOLDEMORT: What? BELLATRIX: Your chance to kill Harry Potter! VOLDEMORT: Yes… Kill Potter!!! Ha- whoa where‘d he go? HARRY: You‘re not killing me today, Voldemort! (Harry grabs ladle Voldemort and Bellatrix exit while spinning, and the cast from the dance comes back on stage as harry rolls Cedric to the center, Dumbledore is now standing over the two) GINNY: Oh my Rowling, what happened, Harry Potter? ALBUS: Harry, what the hell are you doing over here, you're missing the raffle! (Snape enters) SNAPE: What happened in the graveyard? HARRY: It‘s Voldemort! HE‘S BACK! (Blackout)

Act2 part 1 (Everyone goes over to bench and sits Harry and Ron enter) 34

35 HARRY: This totally sucks man. RON: (Giant Hersey‘s bar) This …is… horrible! HARRY: This is horrible –Harry Potter vs Voldemort —the fight of the century. RON: It‘s not that –it‘s Hermione I can‘t get her out of my head – Every time I look at her – I get these pains in my chest and I just know it‘s her fault! HARRY: (looking at newspaper) Hey man,–I know what you mean - It‘s like when you‘re trying to save the world and the whole world is against you RON: NO NO NO NO NO! This isn‘t about you. Why does every conversation we have always turn into Potter talk HARRY: It‘s not Potter talk. RON: No. I‘m miserable (points to Hershey‘s bar) and all you can do is talk about your self – You‘re like the most self absorbed guy I know – If you were miserable, I‘d be there for you but NO – you won‘t even listen to me. I hope you and Voldemort live happily ever after because I‘m never going to be happy again. (As Ron leaves Hermione enters) HERMIONE: Were you just talking to Ron? HARRY: Yeah, I was trying to tell him about Voldemort. HERMIONE: Well, did he say anything about me? HARRY: Uh, well, yeah HERMIONE: Was it an apology for how he treated me at the ball? HARRY: Yeah, I heard about that – listen (looking at paper) I was wondering if you heard a little something about… Voldemort is back, Cedric Digory is dead, Professor Quirrell is crazy, and now I have to save the world. Did you hear that? HERMIONE: Actually, I did hear that. I‗ve heard that about a thousand times but never has it been told to me with so much SAS! Drop the attitude Harry. You‘re acting like Garfield on a Monday. (crosses her arms) This is just like the dragon. I stressed out. I told you what to do and you didn‘t do it and you were fine. HARRY: Hermione, come on – You‘re the friend that‘s supposed to tell me to go to the library and try and figure this stuff out. HERMIONE: Well you know what Harry, I don‘t do that anymore. (Hermione storms off and joins others. Draco enters stage left and leans on desk)

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36 DRACO: Read it and weep Potter – I heard Voldemort is back. (lays on desk) And he‘s trying to kill you. HARRY: Malfoy – I don‘t see why you‘re so happy about this – If Voldemort is back, which he is, then we may as well kiss Hogwarts goodbye – you may as well kiss the planet goodbye! DRACO: Kiss the planet goodbye? Having second thoughts about Pigfarts, are you? HARRY: Malfoy, you‘re the last person I want to talk to right now OK? DRACO: You know what? As soon as you‘re out of the way I‘ll be the coolest kid in school. HERMIONE: Malfoy, that will never happen, everyone hates you! DRACO: Ok, right, this coming from Hermione Stranger! PANSI: She‘s cooler than you. LAVENDER: Yeah, even Moaning Myrtle is cooler than you. SNAPE: Draco, I need to see you in my office… (Snape raises his hook) NOW! (Everyone except Harry: leaves. Harry sits down and looks at the paper again. Ginny –stage left –eating Doritos) HARRY: Hey Ginny what‘s up? GINNY: (chewing) Um Harry we danced at the Yule ball. And I thought we were going to be together forever, but we‘re not. HARRY: (still reading paper) Yeah that pretty much sums it up. GINNY: What‘s going on? HARRY: Ginny, don‘t you get it? Everyone who‘s near to me is in danger if Voldemort is back, and he is. So we can‘t be together or you‘d be in mortal peril – just like the Spiderman movie, haven‘t you seen it? MJ and Peter Parker can‘t be together. GINNY: But the whole point of Spiderman 2 is so that MJ and Peter are together. HARRY: Yeah, but the point of Spiderman 3 is that life sucks and everything falls apart. Ginny what I‘m trying to say is that I don‘t want my life to be like Spiderman 3 – I hated that movie! I‘m sorry –that‘s just my way of saying we can‘t be together. I‘m sorry Ginny GINNY: (crying) I‘m such an idiot. (Ginny leaves) DUMBLEDORE: Hey… Potter HARRY: Who are you? 36

37 DUMBLEDORE: (pulls off beard) –It‘s me – Dumbledore --- Hey listen, Harry I‘ve got some very important things I‘ve got to tell you. HARRY: About Voldemort? DUMBLEDORE: Yes, it‘s absolutely crucial for you to know. But I can‘t get into it right now. I need you to meet me in my inner office at 10:00 and I need you to come by yourself. Bring your invisibility cloak and don‘t go blabbing about this to anyone. From now on, the only people you can trust are me and Severus Snape HARRY: Listen Dumbledore, I know you don‘t want to hear this, but I‘m not so sure about Snape – I‘m pretty sure he‘s working for Voldemort. DUMBLEDORE: WHAT? That‘s stupid – You‘re stupid! HARRY: No, no I‘m positive – that night at the graveyard, some death eater cuts off his hand and Snape shows up without a hand! DUMBLEDORE: Whatever Potter, Snape told me he lost his hand in a totally unrelated incident. HARRY: Dumbledore –why do you trust Snape so much? DUMBLEDORE: Because I love him. HARRY: Professor – I DUMBLEDORE: Enough. I don‘t want to hear anymore about it – There‘s no way Severus Snape is, was, or ever will be a servant of Voldemort.

Act 2 Scene 2 SNAPE: All hail Voldemort! DEATH EATER 1: Severus Snape? What are you doing here? DEATH EATER 2: Got tired of being on Dumbledore‘s lap? SNAPE: HMMMM? DEATH EATER 1: I ought to jelly leg jinx you right now traitor. SNAPE: Don‘t be goofy with me – I‘m here to see Voldemort. DEATH EATER 2: How do we know this isn‘t some practical joke by the Order of the Phoenix? DEATH EATER 1: I heard you had your Dark mark surgically removed.

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38 SNAPE: Well if you two know so much about me you should write a book – Snape, the Double Agent— that‘s right, I‘ve always been a servant of Voldemort. I‘ve simply been working undercover, finding out valuable information like the roster of the Order of the Phoenix, and finding out exactly what a true Hufflepuff is anyway, I would like to see my Master. DEATH EATER 1: Of course, Right away Severus SNAPE: Good – I‘ll be in the drawing room, painting a picture of the stupid looks on your faces. (Voldemort leaning on chair appears asleep and Bellatrix talking as Death eaters enter) BELLATRIX: Then after sneaking into the Dept of Mysteries, we‘ll enchant the DEATH EATER 1: Excuse me BELLATRIX: WHOA, WHOA (pointing wand) Whoa. Excuse me I was in the middle of plotting. Where was I? The statues will occupy the guards while you and I sneak into the Ministers office, where you will be one curse away from complete control of the entire Wizarding world! How does that sound My Lord? VOLDEMORT: Oh, YEAH! Gringotts …that‘s great.. polyjuice potion…always works! …Very classy (Bellatrix looks dejected) VOLDEMORT: I‘m sorry… what are we talking about? BELLATRIX: Did you hear anything of my evil plan VOLDEMORT: well, the details are a little fuzzy but you did have a very evil tone BELLATRIX: He‘s all yours! (exits) VOLDEMORT: Bellatrix come back, don‘t be like that… Now 2 people are mad at me! What? DEATH EATER 2: Sir, Severus Snape is at the door and wants to see you VOLDEMORT: See him in. (Snape makes a grand entrance) SNAPE: Is that a new body My Lord? You look absolutely ravishing! VOLDEMORT: Severus, for such a super secret spy –you‘re a terrible liar! I‘m a wreck… You better have some good news. SNAPE: My Lord, you know how for years we‘ve been trying to get the death eaters into Hogwarts (Snape hooks Voldemort with hand) We‘ve been trying to get Death Eaters into Hogwarts and I think I‘ve finally discovered a way to do it! 38

39 VOLDEMORT: Well by all means Snape, tell me! SNAPE: I can‘t. VOLDEMORT: Can‘t… TEASE! Why not? SNAPE: I made an unbreakable vow not to let any death eaters in. VOLDEMORT: Unbreakable vows – I HATE those SNAPE: I know but I had to do it to convince Dumbledore I was reliable. VOLDEMORT: Yes Snape I understand –well what do you propose we do now? SNAPE: Well, I can‘t tell you but I brought along someone who can. (Draco enters room) DRACO: All hail Lord Voldemort (Voldemort laughs) VOLDEMORT: Lucius Malloys‘ boy. Are you serious?! DRACO: Malfoy, MALFOY VOLDEMORT: (Laughing) Help from a child, you‘ve got to be kidding me Don‘t make me laugh –I‘m pissing! DRACO: If this homemade dark mark won‘t convince you then PLEASE hear me out VOLDEMORT: (continuing to laugh) Ok -_ OK OK How do you propose you get my Death Eaters into your little school? And don‘t suggest a giant slide or a trampoline, because we‘ve already tried those. DRACO: The vents – Your death eaters shall enter through the ventilation system of Hogwarts VOLDEMORT: DUH! The vents. How do we find these vents? DRACO: I‘ll tell you how to get to the vents but first (Draco drops to the ground beside the desk ---- then standing) We discuss the subject of payment VOLDEMORT: A Catch – There‘s always a catch. Is there nothing in this world so cruel and demanding as the soul of a child? What do you want Malloy? DRACO: I want a galaxy traversing rocket ship with enough fuel to get me to Mars! VOLDEMORT: What do you want with a rocket ship? What business do you have on Mars?

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40 DRACO: Let‘s just say (music starts) Pigfarts Pigfarts Here I come, Pigfarts Pigfarts YUM YUM YUM SNAPE: With all respect my Lord, there‘s one tiny flaw in that flawless plan. Albus Dumbledore. VOLDEMORT: AHHH you‘re right Snape Normally, I‘d say – I‘ll kill him, but I haven‘t been feeling so evil lately (Draco pats Voldemort on shoulder and then quickly pulls his hand away) VOLDEMORT: So here‘s how it‘s going to break now Malloy. I need your guarantee that you lead my death eaters into Hogwarts. While simultaneously we‘ll be attacking the ministry of magic. Now I need you to promise by the end of the siege of Hogwarts that Dumbledore will be dead. DRACO: We shall shake on it – an unbreakable vow (both spit in hands and shake) VOLDEMORT: By the end of tomorrow night Albus Dumbledore will be dead? DRACO: Yes and I‘ll have my rocket ship. VOLDEMORT: When the technology is available. DRACO: (still shaking Voldemort‘s hand –quickly says) And you have to be my slave for a whole day starting now! (Voldemort jerks away and yells) VOLDEMORT: You little Jerk!!!! (pointing at Draco) You got me –You GOT ME!! Oh that is so embarrassing (Draco and Snape are clapping and laughing) Oh, that‘s the 2nd time that that‘s happened! That‘s why I hate unbreakable curses! DRACO: Oh there‘s several things I‘m going to have you do – You‘re going to clean my room and lay out my knickers and tape Wizards of Waverly Place for me. VOLDEMORT: I hate chores! DRACO: I‘ll be busy with a murder!

Act 2 Scene 3 (Harry and Hermione enter) HERMIONE: Any idea why Dumbledore wanted to meet us so late at night? HARRY: He‘s got some information to give us about Voldemort Did you bring the invisibility Cloak? RON: Alright Harry this better be good, because I don‘t have a snack and I‘m missing Wizards of Waverly Place for this Ok? So what are we going to do that‘s so dang…Oh my gosh (as band member gives Ron twizzlers) I love Redvines you want one HARRY: I love them (Harry eats a redvine) 40

41 HERMIONE: I‘m leaving HARRY: NOOOOO you‘re not –when I said I needed your help –I meant both of you –you guys have to get over these bad feelings before somebody gets hurt (Harry knocks on door) DUMBLEDORE: Hey Harry –Dang it – I told you to come by yourself –why did you have to bring the fatties? HARRY: These are my best friends and if this information is as important as you say it is –they have a right to know DUMBLEDORE: Well, I‘ve been wrong before –get in here Hot Legs (as everyone follows him) I was talking to Weasley! (Exit, re-enter) Sorry the place is such a sty! (Framed photo of Zac Efron) RON: Oh my gosh –That‘s a boss Zefron poster! DUMBLEDORE: Every interview I‘ve ever seen with him – he seems like such a charismatic humanitarian HARRY: You think you like him, wrong – I like him the most Harry Potter loves Zac Efron better than anyone else on the planet! Anyway that‘s not what we‘re here to talk about. We‘re here to talk about Voldemort. DUMBLEDORE: We‘re not here to talk about Zac Efron cause everybody knows I like him the most! We‘re here to talk about the dark Lord. In order to defeat this guy you‘re going to have to know about Horcruxes. HERMIONE, RON and HARRY: (all at same time) What‘s a horcrux? DUMBLEDORE: A Horcrux is one of the most terrifying pieces of magic that a wizard can create. It happens when a wizard takes a piece of his soul and puts it into something else. HARRY: Why would someone want to do that? DUMBLEDORE: Harry if you have a Horcrux you can never truly die! Your body can be dead but your soul can move on. He didn‘t just have just one horcrux, he had 6 horcruxes. I‘ve already killed the first 5 for you but you guys have to find the last one and destroy it with this. (Ron throws candy down –all three are examining the sword) HERMIONE: The sword of Gryffindor! Godric Gryffindor was one of the 4 founders of Hogwarts. If anything can destroy a horcrux, that thing is it. RON: This thing is so dang awesome! Every wizard should have a sword like this – not these stupid drumsticks! Forget about it --- (Ron starts practice sword fighting) HARRY: Alright so we know what a horcrux is, but how do we find them? Where‘s the last one?

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42 DUMBLEDORE: To find them we need to use this which looks like a piece of BLING but it‘s really a horcrux seeking medallion (Ron takes the necklace –―WOW‖ and starts swinging it around like he did when sword fighting) HERMIONE: So if he has this medallion, then why are Ron and I even here? RON: Yeah Voldemort isn‘t any of our business. DUMBLEDORE: (agitated) Hermione Grainger – what are you thinking? Don‘t you know that if one of you has a problem then all of you has a problem --- what would Zac Efron say at a time like this (Sings ) We‘re all in this together!! (Pause for music) Anyway, you gotta find the horcruxes and destroy them – that‘s all there is to it. (Noise offstage) Oh, it must be the death eaters coming to kill me – kids put your beards on! HERMIONE: We don‘t have beards HARRY: We brought the invisibility cloak DUMBLEDORE: Oh alright –put the invisibility cloak on. (Ron, Harry and Hermione all get under the invisibility cloak Death eaters enter) DEATH EATER 1: Hey are you Dumbledore? DUMBLEDORE: NOOOO. See I‘ve got this beard on. DEATH EATER 2: Alright everybody spread out and look for Dumbledore (Death eater‘s look all around) DEATH EATER 3: He‘s got to be here somewhere DUMBLEDORE: Be careful with the Zac Efron poster –it‘s an antique! DEATH EATER 1: Why do you care so much about Zefron? DUMBLEDORE: I just appreciate his charm! And his hair HARRY: Yeah, but everybody knows I like him best (Death eaters look around room) DEATH EATER 1: Who said that? DEATH EATER 3: I wish I could say that it was me –because I feel I love Zac Efron the most! But it was definitely a voice from within this room DEATH EATER 2: Was it an invisible man? 42

43 DEATH EATER 3: Could the predator be in the room? DEATH EATER 1: Begin INVISIBLE MAN search (the death eaters spread arms out and start feeling around) DUMBLEDORE: (Removes beard) It‘s me –it‘s Dumbledore! DEATH EATER 1: Dumbledore –where‘d you come from? DUMBLEDORE: The man with the beard turned me in. DEATH EATER 2: Now we‘ve got you right where we want you! DUMBLEDORE: Yes but what I don‘t understand is how? DEATH EATER 3: WE had the help of a man on the inside – someone you trusted –someone you may have even loved, DUMBLEDORE: Aberforth my brother?? (Draco enters room) DRACO: NO! It was me! DUMBLEDORE: Malfoy –you little jerk! DRACO: That‘s right Dumbledore—I betrayed everyone! And now I‘m going to kill you DUMBLEDORE: Oh, no you‘re not –Draco if you were going to kill me you would have already done it DRACO: No, not necessarily true! No I just wanted to offer you one more game of Connect 4 before I oft you! DUMBLEDORE: You know Draco, there are other options. It‘s time you looked inside yourself and figure out what you really want. DRACO: I want Hermione Grainger (really fast) and a rocket ship! DUMBLEDORE: Then why didn‘t you just take the girl out for a happy meal or take her to space camp? Come on! Murder leads to despair and desperation. I know you‘re going to do the right thing (Snape enters) SNAPE: What the devil is going on here? DEATH EATER 1: We‘ve got Dumbledore corned SNAPE: Well, what are you waiting for? Kill him – do it Draco 43

44 DRACO: Well, I don‘t think I can SNAPE: COWARD 10 points from Gryffindor! DUMBLEDORE: I don‘t understand – I gave you my letterman‘s jacket SNAPE: It never fit. (Points wand at Du in menacing way) DUMBLEDORE: Why didn‘t you tell me – I could have shrunk it with magic Severus please don‘t kill me SNAPE: Avada cadavra! (Death eaters and Snape celebrate; Lights go out, then come up after death eaters exit) HARRY: I hate him I hate him –I‘m going to kill him! HERMIONE: It‘s not your fault Harry. HARRY: It is my fault –Everybody‘s dying because of me –1st Cedric now Dumbledore I can‘t do it anymore. RON: Come on –let‘s go to the Borough. HARRY: No don‘t you get it? I have to do this by myself – I did it once as a baby I can‘t have you guys near me You‘re at risk HERMIONE: We don‘t care about the risk. HARRY: NO you don‘t understand. You have to get away from me. RON: You can‘t mean that. HARRY: I do – Just leave me alone (Harry runs off, blackout)

Act 2 Scene 5 (Harry is setting stage center and Ginny enters from stage left) GINNY: Harry? HARRY: Ginny what are you doing here – you have to get out of here GINNY: I can‘t –there‘s nowhere to go –the Death Eaters are all over the castle HARRY: Yeah and they‘re looking for me and if they find me and you‘re with me –you‘re going to be in trouble.

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45 GINNY: What are you going to do? HARRY: I don‘t know Ginny, I‘m not cut out for this kind of thing. GINNY: No you have to do something – you‘re Harry Potter. HARRY: No. GINNY: You‘re the boy who lived. HARRY: No you don‘t get it. None of you guys get it – I‘m just a 12 yr old kid. Ginny, I‘m sorry – I‘m alone and it‘s hopeless. GINNY: I’ve been alone surrounded by darkness and I’ve seen how heartless the world can be And I’ve seen you crying you felt like it’s hopeless Ill always do my best to make you see That Harry, you’re not alone cause you’re here with me and nothings ever gonna bring us down cause nothing can keep me from lovin you and you know it’s true it don’t matter what’ll come to be our love is all we need to make it through Now I know it ain’t easy (HARRY: No it ain’t easy) But it ain’t hard trying (HARRY: it’s so hard trying) every time I see you smiling and I feel you so close to me tell me GINNY & HARRY: That baby you’re not alone cause you’re here with me and nothings ever gonna bring us down cause nothing can keep me from lovin you and you know it’s true it don’t matter what’ll come to be our love is all we need to make it through HARRY: 45

46 Now I still have trouble I trip and stumble trying to make sense of things sometimes I look for reasons but I don’t need em all I need is to look in your eyes and I realize RON: Hey Harry! HARRY: You guys came back. HARRY, RON, HERMIONE, & GINNY: Baby you’re not alone cause you’re here with me and nothings ever gonna bring us down cause nothing can keep me from lovin you and you know it’s true it don’t matter what’ll come to be our love is all we need to make it through HARRY: I‘m so glad you guys came back. HERMIONE: Now that we got that 4 part harmony out of the way, why don‘t we go look for that Horcrux? HARRY: Yeah, let‘s do it. RON: Well, it could be anywhere. If I had a horcrux, I would blast it into space with a monkey who knew nothing about horcruxes. HERMIONE: Or it could be hidden somewhere around the mundane British countryside. Our search could entail months of breaking into Gringotts and drinking boatloads of polyjuice potion. HARRY: Well, the medallion says that‘s dumb so we‘re not going to do that. It does say it‘s in one convenient place, get this, Hogwarts! RON: Well, that‘s awesome! HARRY: Even better it says it‘s in Dumbledore‘s office, so let‘s go. Wait a second, how did you get here? There‘s Death eaters all over Hogwarts. GINNY: TA DA!!!!!! (Draco enters) HARRY: MALFOY!

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47 (Ginny standing by Malfoy –all others on other side pointing wands at Malfoy) GINNY: No No – he‘s really nice now! DRACO: I just wanted to say – that was a really nice song you sang! Maybe if you do a reprise I could have a go at it! As Ginny said, I‘m really nice now and I just feel awful about what happened. But could you argue that this was my fault? RON and HARRY: Yes – absolutely yes! DRACO: Yes – well, that would be a safe argument. But let me ask you one question. Do you think I‘m happy about this? RON: Oh my God Malfoy, just because you‘re upset doesn‘t mean you‘re off the hook HARRY: Malfoy, do you want to kick your own ass or should we do it for you? DRACO: Well, I guess if you‘re giving me the option, I guess I‘ll kick my own, thank you. But first, I should teach you how to get into Dumbledore‘s office. It‘s ironically the same way the Death Eaters got in. HERMIONE: Alright – why don‘t you boys head off to Dumbledore‘s office. Ginny and I will take the invisibility cloak and we will see if we can contact the Order of the Phoenix, we really haven‘t seen them the whole play. (Draco is trying to pat Ron and Harry on back) HARRY: That‘s a good idea. Don‘t touch people. Ok, let‘s go. RON: Hey Hermione--- come here a second, come downstage. Hey listen, um, uh, Snap, alright. I‘ve been acting like a real jerk lately, I think you know that. And I‘m sorry. It‘s just seeing you dance with everyone at the Yule ball kinda made me jealous – yeah I was jealous! HERMIONE: You were jealous? RON: That‘s the 3rd time I‘ve said – I was jealous. HERMIONE: Ron, we don‘t really have to talk about this right now. (They get closer but stop and Ron sprays breath spray in Hermione‘s mouth) RON: It‘s blueberry HERMIONE I can tell (Then as they start to get close enough to kiss – Ron jerks back and says ―Oh, it‘s Ungodly‖;Ron then gives Hermione gum and then says ―Take 2‖ as he puts the gum in her mouth) RON: You chew it. (Ron takes a sniff) Awesome! (They kiss) Let‘s go kill Voldemort! 47

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Act 2 Scene 6 (Ron Harry and Draco go into Dumbledore‘s office and Ron is wielding the sword – Draco picks up the photo of Zefron.) DRACO: Do you both see the Zefron poster? RON: Yeah Malfoy, we know about it. (Draco touches Zach‘s head) HARRY: Listen Draco –it‘s not that big a deal –could you just help us look for the horcrux please? RON: Is this thing of pencils a horcrux (Harry points necklace at it) HARRY: No (Draco and Ron continue to pull various objects out and say ―is this a horcrux?‖ and HARRY: says ―no‖) RON: UUUUUGHHHHH This could take forever –there are so many things in this room. The only thing of real value – is that Zefron poster. HARRY: Wait a second! You don‘t think. (They all look at the poster HARRY: Holds poster up and Voldemort‘s face appears through the opening where Zac‘s face was. They all scream and run away and then point Sword, wand etc at Voldemort, Draco is hanging on to Ron‘s leg) HARRY: Ron – kill it – kill it –it‘s the last horcrux! DRACO: No, its Zefron! RON: But it‘s so charismatic!!! VOLDEMORT: I‘m not your enemy! Potter is the enemy! RON: Harry is my friend. VOLDEMORT: You gotta get your head in the game Weasley! (Ron is shaking his head trying not to listen) He will betray you – he will take that which you want the most! HARRY: Hey Ron don‘t listen to him – he‘s lying. VOLDEMORT: I know your faults I know what you truly desire (Hermione shows up in picture frame)

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49 HERMIONE: As long as Harry‘s around – you‘ll always be second best! But if Harry were gone – then we could be together forever! RON: But Harry‘s my friend. HERMIONE: But don‘t you want me Ron, don‘t ya? RON: Yes! HERMIONE: Don‘t ya want me Ron RON: Yes! HERMIONE: Then you know what you gotta do! RON: Yes – I must kill Harry (Ron starts to move like a robot (or in a trance) heading toward Harry on the floor) HARRY: No Ron – it‘s a trick – don‘t listen to her! Stop it – Listen Hermione is one of my best friends, I would never do anything to hurt you or her! (Ron has sword raised high and ready to strike) HERMIONE: LIES – They are all LIES HARRY: Ron it‘s not true – you‘re my best friend! (drums building – Ron turns and hits the poster – Hermione drops it and runs away; Ron continues hitting poster) HARRY: Do it again! (Ron drops to ground exhausted, reaches up on desk and get donuts and starts eating them, Draco picks up poster) DRACO: Put some tape on this –its fine! HARRY: Ron, you had me going there for a minute buddy RON: Oh, yeah sorry about that pal. It‘s just everything she was saying and I couldn‘t. I would never do anything to hurt you! I love you man HARRY: I love you too man. (They hug and Draco tries to get in on the hug – Ron pushes Draco away) DRACO: Listen Chaps, as fun as this was, I thought destroying the horcrux was going to be a lot harder. RON & HARRY: Yeah RON: When you think about it – Horcruxes are just kinda stupid! (Bellatrix and several Death eaters have Ginny and Hermione by the hair and are running into the room with her! All swords and wands are out) 49

50 DRACO: Ginny, how did you get captured? You were invisible HERMIONE: Sorry! BELLATRIX: Do it Potter and they die! HARRY: Looks like we‘ve got our backs up against the wall with nowhere to go. Put your swords down and wands. BELLATRIX: Ah, look at little bitty Harry Potter, giving orders to his little bitty baby friends. HARRY: I‘m not a baby I‘m 12. (Snape enters) SNAPE: What the devil is going on here? Whoa – déjà vue. BELLATRIX: We have Potter and his friends at last. RON: Dumbledore trusted you. HARRY: You‘re a big fat traitor Snape! SNAPE: Oh a traitor am I? Potter, you‘re exactly right because I‘m about to betray someone! Right now! (Snape cuts left hand off the closest Death Eater) (Mass yelling; other Death eater drops to ground – Hermione and Ginny run to Ron and HARRY:) SNAPE: Bat bogey hex (pointed at last death eater, who then runs around flapping his wings) BELLATRIX: Serpents sorcia! (curse someone drops a snake by Snape who picks it up and yells) BELLATRIX: (pointing at Harry, etc) Don‘t even think about it unless you want a snake too! (Molly Weasley enters stage left) BELLATRIX: Who the hell are you? MOLLY: I‘m Molly Weasley and those are my kids! Avada cadavra…WITCH! (Bellatrix falls down dead) RON: (Ron and Ginny run to their mom and hug her) Holy crap! You killed her – I thought you were just going to make her tuck in her shirt or do the dishes! (After a big hug –Molly bops them on the back of the head and they both moan) MOLLY: Desperate times call for desperate measures – even the unforgiveable can be forgiven. 50

51 GINNY: What are you doing here? MOLLY: I came here with the order of the Phoenix, Lupin, Tonks, Mad-eye Moody, Sirius Black and your brother Fred. RON: Oh, great! Where are they? MOLLY: They‘re all dead. Anyway, I just came here to save your lives, go back to what you were doing (she fixes Ron‘s collar, opens door and blows them a kiss ) DISSAPARATE!

Act 2 Scene 7 (Snape is on ground with snake, Ron and Ginny are stunned, Harry rushes to Snape on ground) HARRY: Snape, Snape – Expelliamus! (Ron runs over and stomps on snake and says ―DIE, DIE!‖) HERMIONE: Ron, that‘s a coral snake and everyone knows that a coral snake is very poisonous SNAPE: It‘s too late for me now – Before I go, I need to tell you, there is another Horcrux (Snape is in Harry‘s arms and Draco and Ginny are on the ground beside them) HERMIONE: How can that be? All 6 have been destroyed! SNAPE: No, NO – There‘s a seventh. RON: Gee I really hope it‘s not an Ashley Tisdale poster, I couldn‘t deal with that! SNAPE: The Medallion! HARRY: But it doesn‘t say anything. (holding it up) SNAPE: Then give it to Granger. HERMIONE: It says there‘s one right here, but I don‘t understand. SNAPE: Harry, the night Voldemort killed your parents, he tried to destroy you but instead his body was destroyed. When that happened, a part of his soul was blasted away and attached itself… to you. Voldemort can never truly die until all the horcruxes have been destroyed. HERMIONE: But if Harry‘s a horcrux, then does Harry have to be destroyed? There‘s got to be another way. SNAPE: No Potter, I‘ll show you what you have to do. Watch…very…carefully. (Snape drops dead and everyone is stunned) DRACO: He didn‘t even do anything. 51

52 HARRY: That‘s because he‘s dead. (Voldemort enters stage left and taps the stage with wand) VOLDEMORT: People of Hogwarts, My Death Eaters have taken over the castle and your headmaster Dumbledore is dead. You‘ve all fought valiantly and I‘m willing to offer you positions in my new world order (aside) as my slaves. (To everyone) Give up now and be forgiven. Now, Harry Potter I speak directly to you. If you do not wish for those closest to you to suffer and die on your behalf, you will come face me yourself. I‘ll be waiting for you in the Forbidden Forest for one hour. Voldemort out Witches! (Stage left lights out) HERMIONE: Well, ok, guys don‘t worry, we still have an hour, and we just need to come up with a plan. HARRY: There‘s no plan Hermione, I know what I have to do – I have to die. GINNY: No no NO NO! There‘s got to be another way! HARRY: No no just forget about it. There‘s only one thing to do (picking up invisibility cloak) I have to die! I love you all – except you Draco –I can‘t freaking stand you!(Draco‘s head goes down, dejectedly) Goodbye! RON and HERMIONE: Harry! (lights go out; music starts; piano building to crescendo; Death Eaters and Voldemort are onstage) DEATH EATER 1: He‘s not coming my Lord! VOLDEMORT: It seems that way, Well Death Eaters, it seems we‘re going back to seize the castle. This is what Potter has chosen. It‘s funny, I expected him to come. It seems I was mistaken. (HARRY: throws off invisibility cloak and walks onstage) HARRY: You weren‘t! VOLDEMORT: Harry Potter… the boy who lived! (Points wand) Crucio! (Harry –convulsing on ground) You‘re not even going to fight back? (V growls) You‘re weak just like your parents. Prepare to join them PREPARE…TO DIE! Avada cadavra (HARRY: lies still) DEATH EATERS: Yeah! You‘ve done it my lord, Potter is dead! No one will ever question your powers again. VOLDEMORT: YES! DEATH EATER 2: Does this please you my lord? (Voldemort walks around Harry‘s body) VOLDEMORT: Yeah, (pause) yeah, it‘s great! I just thought it might make me less empty inside. Well (as he walks over to Death eaters) we go back to Hogwarts to tell them what has become of their hero (Blackout) 52

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Act 2 Scene 8 (Dumbledore on bench, Harry on ground) DUMBLEDORE: Hey Harry. HARRY: Dumbledore… where am I? I thought I was dead. DUMBLEDORE: Let‘s just say you are somewhere between our world and theirs. HARRY: What? Did I survive? DUMBLEDORE: It wouldn‘t be the first time Potter. Take a seat. HARRY: Alright DUMBLEDORE: Harry, have you ever heard of a love shield? HARRY: Uh, no but it sounds kinda fruity. DUMBLEDORE: A love shield is anything but fruity it‘s when somebody loves you so much that if they were willing to give their life for you. Then their love becomes a shield around your body to protect you from any dark magic. HARRY: So, is that what happened to me? I have a love shield? DUMBLEDORE: Harry it‘s time for you to learn all the things you should have known 7 years ago, which would have helped you along the way. (Dumbledore shows Harry the pad of paper with these items on it) The love shield protected you the first time. Voldemort accidently turned you into the 7th horcrux, one that not even he knew about. And when Voldemort tried killing you this time, he was actually unknowingly killing the piece of himself that was inside you. And, I‘ve known the whole time! HARRY: You knew this whole time, you jerk! DUMBLEDORE: Hey they don‘t call me the greatest wizard who ever lived for nothing! (Dumbledore standing) Harry it‘s time for you to get your little butt back there and fight him as a mortal man! Except this time, he will be a mortal man too! HARRY: I get what you‘re saying – I know what I have to do. (walking away – turns back) Hey before I go…So you‘re clairvoyant now, you can see the past, the present and the future? DUMBLEDORE: Yes I can. HARRY: Can you explain that weird ending to Lost? DUMBLEDORE: Harry, there are some questions that even I cannot answer. HARRY: Thanks man! 53

54 DUMBLEDORE: No problem. Hey, get outta here! 3rd door on your left. RUMBLEROAR: Are you ready to leave Dumbledore (crawling into room)? DUMBLEDORE: Sure am! RUMBLEROAR: And you‘re sure you don‘t want to let Harry Potter know that you‘re really still alive? DUMBLEDORE: Oh, no. Pigfarts has been a closely guarded secret for thousands of years – it sure would be a shame to let the cat out of the bag! No pun intended. (Dumbledore climbs on his back) Are you ready to go? RUMBLEROAR: I sure am. To Pigfarts! RUMBLEROAR!!!! (Blackout; Voldemort is center stage with his wand and taps floor again) VOLDEMORT: People of Hogwarts, it‘s me! Harry Potter is dead—he was killed while running away trying to save his life while you laid down your lives for him! Continue to resist and be slaughtered! Come out of the castle, kneel before me and you may be spared. (Every one sitting on bench and floor; Ron is standing in center) RON: You guys – barricade the door –take the bench – do it right now. (They start taking bench over to door)You (Cho Chang) see if Neville‘s dead. You guys (pointing to several of them) go get snacks! Oh, shoot, we can‘t we just barricaded the door! Well there‘s only one thing left to do –we‘re going to fight. DRACO: (on floor with legs extended in front of him) Oh, come on! I‘m tired. (throws himself on floor) Can‘t we just be death eaters? RON: No, (walking over to Draco) No we can‘t just be death eaters! OK? (Kicks at Draco‘s leg, Draco starts getting up) We‘re going to fight and we‘re going to fight so hard that we‘re going to win. (Harry enters)

Act2 Scene 9 (Everyone still on stage –lights up; banging on door, everyone runs to middle) HARRY: Don‘t worry, no one can get in. RON: Yeah, we‘ll be fine. (Voldemort comes in and everyone shrieks) VOLDEMORT: Avada cadavra! (He sees Potter and is shocked) WHAT!? Potter how many times do I have to kill you boy? (Pointing wand at Harry)

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55 HARRY: (pointing his wand at V) Clearly more than once but it‘s all over Voldemort, you can‘t kill me this time. Nobody help me, I‘ve got to do this myself! VOLDEMORT: He doesn‘t mean that, it‘s not how he operates. So boy, who are you going to use as a human shield this time? (Ron heard about human shield and moves out, then back into group) HARRY: Nobody! Cause this time it‘s just you and me – I destroyed all the horcruxes VOLDEMORT: Even my Zefron poster? HARRY: ESPECIALLY the Zefron poster VOLDEMORT: AAAHHHH, Curse you Potter, you‘ll die for that! HARRY: No, No I won‘t! Because you can‘t kill me and you can‘t kill any of these people VOLDEMORT: What the heck are you on about? HARRY: You don‘t learn from your mistakes do you Voldemort? I was prepared to die for these people VOLDEMORT: But you didn‘t! HARRY: Yes, but I meant to! And that‘s what did it. I‘ve given them magical sanctuary. You can‘t hurt these people or me ever again! VOLDEMORT: So what! Who cares about these children, it‘s you I want dead. Potter, what‘s to stop you from dying when I strike? HARRY: Just one thing: think about all the people you‘ve hurt Voldemort, all the people you killed! Try to think about all the lives you‘ve destroyed! There‘s got to be one thing, one person, that you miss VOLDEMORT: (with dreamy look –then becomes harsh again; points wand at piano—no more music) NO THERE ISN‖T!!!! Curses on you Potter, I don‘t care about anybody! HARRY: I know and that‘s what makes you such a piece of crap. You see at Hogwarts, we all stick together, we love one another, we‘re friends! My love‘s protected these guys and their love is all I need to be protected from you. VOLDEMORT: Let‘s put that theory to the test, Potter! Avada cadavra HARRY: Expelliamus! (Voldemort dies) CHO: Well, chocolate frogs! Harry Potter did it, ya‘ll!! (Everyone excited jumping up and down, 2 people drag Voldemort off! Harry and Ginny kiss, Ron runs up to them) 55

56 RON: NO NO whoa whoa, hey –listen, I just want to let you guys know (Ginny is fixing her hair and skirt) that …. I‘m totally cool with it –make out (Ron goes over to Hermione and they pretend to get ready to French kiss –but Ron just pushes Hermione‘s head away) HERMIONE: Guys I guess that rounds up all the loose ends, except for the house cup tournament! Neville (running in with a newspaper) Guys, look, I found this! It‘s Dumbledore‘s will – It says ―in the event of my death – Gryffindor wins the house cup!‖ (Everyone except Draco starts cheering) It also says Hogwarts goes to Harry Potter! (Everyone cheering) HARRY: Well, I guess all the professors are dead so butter beers on me!!! (They all start following him out!) (Stage right–Dementor and Quirrel) DEMENTOR: You‘re free to go. (gives him some clothes) Well, did you hear the news? Voldemort is dead!! Yeah, well, good luck getting off this island. (Dementor leaves) QUIRREL: Dead? (Melodramatic on ground crying; White robed figure enters stage right, takes off hood) VOLDEMORT: Hey you! (Quirrel gets up) QUIRREL: Voldemort is it really you? VOLDEMORT: What‘s left of me. QUIRREL: But I just heard that you VOLDEMORT: were destroyed? (pause ) Yeah, but there‘s this part of me that‘s still here. There‘s a part of me that can‘t be destroyed because it‘s right in (walks across stage) here. (points to Quirrel‘s heart) QUIRREL: In my heart? So you came back VOLDEMORT: I came home! (Quirrel starts biting his fist!) QUIRREL: And you don‘t want to kill Harry Potter anymore? VOLDEMORT: NO! No. (Softer) Because I learned something when I got my body back Quirrel. Life is really messy and it just doesn‘t turn out the way you think it will – You think killing people will make people like you but it doesn‘t – it just makes people dead! Maybe with Quirrel, things will be ok. QUIRREL: Is ok good? VOLDEMORT: Quirrel, Ok is wonderful! (Slow motion runs to each other) Not Alone Reprise…. Finale

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