Belle Aurora - Love Thy Neighbor

Love Thy Neighbor Published by Belle Aurora at Smashwords

Copyright © 2013 Belle Aurora First published 2013 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the author, addressed “Request: Copyright Approval” at [email protected].

Smashwords Edition, License Notes This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Belle Aurora is in no way affiliated with any brands, songs or musicians or artists mentioned in this book. Table of Contents Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six

Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-One Chapter Twenty-Two Chapter Twenty-Three Chapter Twenty-Four Chapter Twenty-Five Chapter Twenty-Six Chapter Twenty-Seven Chapter Twenty-Eight Chapter Twenty-Nine Chapter Thirty Epilogue Prologue The wedding The White Rabbit is packed with wedding guests. I look to the bride and groom. So happy. I smile and watch my very pregnant best friend, Valentina, dance with her brand spanking new husband, Nikolai. The song Tina chose for their first dance as man and wife is ‘Amazing’ by Cassie Davis. It’s perfect.

Nik holds Tina close, rubs his nose gently up the length of hers and whispers something against her lips. Tina smiles and responds with closed eyes. I roll my eyes. What dorks. Love sure does funny things to people. Tina met Nik just over a year ago and spent the beginning of their friendship denying her feelings for him. They remained friends for a while, but anyone with a brain could see the sexual tension between them was so thick you could slice it with a knife. To cut a long story short, my sweet best friend watched Nik for two weeks through the windows of her store, Safira. Nik would come outside of the club he owns, The White Rabbit, for a cigarette break. Tina would watch his scowling face and become sad. Tina doesn’t like to be sad. So she decided to anonymously send Nik some candy with a note attached. Talking about this now makes Tina laugh. Truth is, she was mortified when Nik sent his brother, Max, over to the store to fetch whoever wrote the note. You see, Tina wrote the note unknowingly on Safira stationary. And the rest is history. Together, they make a whole. You would never guess from looking at Tina the sorrow and tragedy she has gone through in her short life. Losing her mom and daughter in the same accident left her hollow for a long time. It left me hollow too. See, we lived in Cali. We grew up together. Our parents are Croatian and friends which somehow meant we were automatically friends, too. So, I spent most of my childhood looking out for sweet little Tina who doesn’t have a nasty bone in her body. I love her more than anything. She believes I saved her life when I moved in with her after her daughter and mom passed away, but the truth is, she saved mine. There is nothing more heart-wrenching than watching your dearest friend deteriorate before your eyes. Tina became a hollow shell, and living in Cali was only making her worse, so she moved to New York. I lasted two years before I packed my shit and followed her down. Living without Tina close by is something I never want to experience again. My heart was shrinking by the day. I’m not what you would call a ‘nice person’. I tolerate people on the best of days. Don’t get me wrong, once you pass the friendship barrier I’ve got up around me, you’re in. But Tina is a part of my heart. She helps me be a good person. She makes me want to be a better person. Going through what she has, she should be a shrew. But she’s my

everyday reminder that life goes on and you have to go with the flow or risk being sucked into a vicious current. I glance over at the bar. Lola and Trick are wrapped up in each other. Not unusual. Lola loves Trick with all her heart, but Trick is having a hard time committing to her. I’m unsure why. She’s smart, loyal and loving. Trick is funny and a total knucklehead, but he’s lovable too. You can’t help but laugh at his awful jokes. There’s more to Trick than he’s letting on, but until he lets it loose, we won’t know. My eyes continue to scan the room. Max and Mimi sit with Ceecee, Max’s daughter. Max and Ceecee are laughing at something, and Mimi is scowling. She’s obviously being made fun of. A smile spreads across my face. Max and Ceecee live with Tina and Nik, so I see them a lot. I love them both. Max is a good friend and really great at talking people off their metaphorical ledges. And Ceecee is so adorable, you just want to eat her up. She was left a paraplegic after an accident when she was just a baby. So they’re another good example of how life goes on and can be good again. Mimi, or Meems, has completely transformed since I got to New York. She was as surly as they come. Not at all a touchy-feely person. Ever since we’ve been hanging with the guys, she’s smiling and laughing more. The guys are what we call…well, the guys. The group consists of Nik, his brother Max, their cousin Trick an old childhood friend, Ghost. Ghost. Damn the man. Yeah, damn him. Ghost is somewhat like me. He’s not a people person either. In saying that, we aren’t friends. The man is a royal pain in my ass. He chooses the perfect moment of every occasion to whisper something in my ear that’s always enough to make me lose my shit. It doesn’t take a lot to make me lose my shit. Ghost, whose real name is Asher, and I had a ‘moment’ last year. If a ‘moment’ includes being dragged down the hall of a club, having your panties ripped off, then being fucked on a conference table while you beg and scream for more, then, yes, we shared a moment. It was a one-time thing, though. We’ve never spoken about it, but it was the best sex I’ve ever had in my entire life. And I’m no stranger to sex. I love sex, and I’m not afraid to have it as long as protection is used.

I wouldn’t say I’m a slut. I’m just in touch with my inner slut. And, let me tell you, she rocks. You’re such a dumbass. I hate myself for looking out for Ghost. Even if it is on the sly. The man is insufferable. A total dickhead. No manners what-so-ever. None. So why can’t you stop thinking about his winkie? God. I suck. An arm comes around my shoulder and squeezes. I look around to see my father and mother flanking me. “Such nice wedding, no? I so happy for Valentina.” My dad’s English is not good. He’s lived in America for thirty years and still has a heavy accent. He isn’t the only one. Tina’s father, Marko, is very much the same. Working with Croats and having the majority of your friends being Croats, they forgot to be American. Even a little. My mom nudges my dad and says, “Boris, don’t talk wedding things in front of Natalia. You know how she is.” Mom’s English is pretty darn good. She’s a little dramatic. Not that I blame her. Raising three hot-headed girls will do that to you. My dad has been trying to marry me off to a nice Croatian boy since I was eighteen, and whenever he works marriage into a conversation, I normally just walk away with him still flapping his lips. Dad glares at mom. “Ana…” Mom cuts him off with a firm, “Boris.” Dad pouts and looks away. Mom 1 – Dad 0. “I can see Nina over by the bar. I think I’ll join her for a drink.” I remove myself from my father’s clutches and walk away. I walk two steps and hear my dad yell out, “Pamet u glavu! Nemoj mi sramotit!” I smirk. I’ve been hearing this since I was a child. It basically means Use your brain and Don’t embarrass me. Every Croatian child hears this growing up, and most likely, still does. I’m almost twenty-nine and am still hearing it! My sisters are at the bar chatting, and very obviously flirting with the handsome blonde barman. He is actually handsome. Not hot exactly. He looks classy. I’ve seen him several times, but don’t know his name. We all meet up at The White Rabbit every Saturday night to drink and unwind. Nik made us girls permanent VIPs. We have our own booth and everything! I smirk internally and decide to be a real bitch. I’m going to spoil their fun.

I put on my best sultry smile, walk in-between my sisters and lean over the bar towards the barman. “Hi.” I tilt my head and search his face as if I’m really just seeing him for the first time. “I’m sure you’re new. I would’ve remembered you if I’d seen you here before.” I lightly chew on the nail of my pinky finger, accentuating my naturally pouty lips. The barman stares at my lips, swallows and replies a choked, “Hi.” He clears his throat and tries again. “Hi. Actually, I know you, Nat. I see you every Saturday night with the Safira party.” I put on my best humiliated face and lean even closer, so he can see my cleavage. “I’m sorry. Maybe I can make it up to you…” “Stefan. But everyone calls me Sheriff.” He takes my hand and kisses it. I take his hand, kiss the tip of his middle finger very lightly and run it along my bottom lip. Stefan’s mouth parts slightly and his body tightens. He looks to be in pain. I whisper, “Let me make it up to you sometime…Sheriff.” Then I wink and walk away, leaving my sisters fuming. Ha-ha…Take that, ya whores! My sisters and I have a love-hate relationship. We love to hate each other. We all look alike, have the same attitude and are extremely short-fused. But we love each other to death, and if someone hurt one of my sisters, they’d have to answer to me. Or my fist. Repeatedly. I make my way to the restroom. As soon as I walk in, I hear retching. “Everything okay in there?” I yell out. “Fine! Bean doesn’t like mama dancing around too much.” Poor Tina. I chuckle. “Either that, or it’s an attention seeker.” Tina chuckles and retorts, “Just like Aunt Nat!” I pull out the fakest laugh I can, which sounds a bit like an old man’s guffaw. Tina bursts out laughing in the stall, but she quickly starts retching again. The poor thing gets morning sickness all day long. I remember her being just the same when she was pregnant with Mia, Tina’s daughter who died a few years back. “Do you want me to get you some lemonade?” I ask. She groans and replies hoarsely, “Yes, please, honey.” Before I leave, I check my reflection in the mirror. I love my hair. It’s long and slightly wavy. It used to be a deep magenta/violet, but I recently dyed it a vivid red. With my red pouting lips, green eyes and curvy body, I could easily be mistaken for Jessica Rabbit. And I love playing the role of seductress. I exit the restroom and head back to the bar to my unhappy sisters. Once there, they both glare at me. “What the feck was that about, slut?” My older sister, Nina, spits.

“Yeah, he went all goo-goo over you, and now he won’t come back here, tramp!” My younger sister, Helena, sneers. Ahh, feel the love. When a person looks at us together, they can tell we’re sisters. We’re only a year apart from each other. The only difference between us is Nina’s hair is dyed blonde and Helena’s hair is dyed black. Nina is a hairdresser and has her own salon in Cali. I hate having to pay to get my hair done in New York when my sister is a hairdresser. Helena is still studying. She wants to be a physical therapist. “Back off, whores. It was totally obvious what you were doing. Stop embarrassing yourselves.” I say out the side of my mouth. Anyone looking at us would see three sisters smiling and having a nice chat. No one would guess what we were really saying to each other. Every cuss word and insult is uttered with the utmost affection though, I promise. Nina smiles and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “He was totally into me. Back off, hag.” Helena fake laughs and lightly pushes Nina. “Oh please, he didn’t want you, Nina. No one wants a girl with a moustache.” We all burst out laughing and wrap our arms around the others’ waists. We really do love each other. We just have a weird way of expressing it. I joke, “Maybe we should do the sister act. You know, if you want one of us, you have to take all of us.” Nina replies, “Oh, yeah, because one hoe isn’t enough. He needs three.” Helena teases, “Sure. We could invite mom and dad to watch.” All of us stop and blink at each other. At the same time, we scrunch our faces and mutter, “Ewww.” Stefan comes past our side of the bar, and I yell out, “Sheriff, I need some lemonade. Stat. The bride is retching again.” He stops suddenly, turns, and the lemonade appears in front of me like magic. I take the bottle, kiss my sisters’ cheeks and head back to the restrooms. I pass the lemonade under the stall, and Tina cheers, “Hooray! No more vomit breath.” I chuckle and ask, “Do you want me to stay with you, sweetie?” She answers immediately and firmly, “No! There’s nothing worse than listening to someone vomit. Actually, there is. Smelling someone else’s vomit!” I give in. “Okay, well, I’ve got my cell on me if you need me.”

As I walk out the restroom door, someone crashes into me from behind. Hard. I teeter and almost fall, but strong arms wrap around my middle and hold me firmly. My head sways and I suddenly feel lightheaded. I close my eyes and breathe deep. Oh, damn. I know that scent. I fantasize about that fragrance. My eyes flutter open, and I look up to focus on the rat bastard. Ghost looks down at me with what appears to be concern in his eyes. “Okay, pretty girl?” I hate that I love how he calls me that. Still in a daze, I stupidly croak, “You smell good.” A round of applause, please. Bravo. My back is pressed up against his stomach and chest. He isn’t built like Nik. Ghost is more slender than Nik, and almost as tall and strapping. He has the lean, muscular physique of a swimmer, although his arms are built bigger than a swimmer’s. The feel of the ridges of his abs in my back makes my vajayjay dance. His messy blonde hair sits atop his head looking perfectly styled, even though he runs his hand through his hair every five minutes, and he looks outrageously handsome in a tux and bowtie. His warm brown eyes are dancing. He replies in a husky, soft voice, “Oh, yeah?” He leans down and buries his nose in my hair. He breathes me in. “Well, I gotta say, you smell good, too, pretty girl.” I quickly straighten and spit, “God, why are you such an asshole?!” Before he can respond, I’m gone. That was a little uncalled for. Shut up, brain. *** The evening begins to slow. People are leaving the wedding reception. It’s almost two a.m. I’m seated at the bar, talking and flirting with Sheriff who has opened up to me quite a bit. He’s easy to talk to, funny and attractive. I take a moment to ponder why I never noticed this before. Then I take a closer look at him. He’s blonde, brown eyed, tall and muscular. Ghost. He looks like Ghost. That’s why. I don’t want an imitation Ghost. I’ve had the real thing, and I know how good it is. There’s no faking that. Stefan reaches over and takes my hand. He says, “Sorry, Nat. I got to clean up. It was great talking to you. Hope I get the chance again this Saturday.” He kisses my hand, and I smile softly at him.

“Me too. Don’t be a stranger, Sheriff.” I reply. I’m about to stand when an arm goes around my waist. I look up and see Ghost frowning down at me. His bowtie is undone and it hangs around his collar. So hot. He orders, “Dance. Now.” Then he tightens his hold around my waist and drags me to the dance floor. We’re the only ones on it. He takes my hands, winds them around the back of his neck and steps closer to me. He holds me tight with one hand on the middle of my back, while the other is half on my lower back, half on my ass. He has me wrapped up. I’m unsure what’s going on right now, so I react the only way I’m programmed to. In anger. I blink then hiss, “What is wrong with you?” He blinks. His brow furrows and his eyes flash, then he hisses right back, “With me? What the fuck is wrong with you?” Ouch. I don’t like Ghost being angry with me. What did I do now? “Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m having a ball.” I roll my eyes and sigh. “Are we going to do this every single time?” Ghost stops swaying us and says sharply, “I don’t make it this way, Nat. You do. Ever since we… You’ve been ten times the bitch you normally are. What you don’t get is,” he leans down and whispers, “that does something to me. It makes me wanna soothe the tiger in you. Bend you over another table and pound you into submission. Because that works with you.” His lips brush my ear. “From a tiger into a mewing kitten. And I like that side of you. I like all sides of you, pretty girl. You think you’re putting me off with this supreme bitch act? Nope, all you’re doing is making me hard.” I lean back, look into his eyes and croak, “I think we should avoid each other.” He shakes his head slowly and smirks. “I think we should fuck again. Tonight.” My stomach dips and my core moistens just thinking about the possibility of having Ghost again. Get the hell out of his clutches, stupid! I lower my head and shake it. I whisper, “No. It was a mistake. Never to be repeated. I got to go. Please leave me alone, Ghost.” Ghost stiffens and replies quietly, “If that’s what you want, pretty girl.” I look up into his eyes and still. He doesn’t look angry. He looks hurt and resigned. I don’t understand it.

My heart squeezes and I beg, “Please, Ghost. We’re not good for each other. We need to start avoiding each other.” His brow furrows as he nods. His arms loosen and he walks away from me. Ghost walking away from me leaves me feeling alone and bitter. Why did I do that? Because you’d fall for the broken man which would leave you lonely, regardless. Oh, yeah. Thanks, brain. Chapter One My neighbors suck Seven months later… Tatiana pulls my hair hard. Yowza! I squint in pain, remove her grabby hands, and softly reprimand her, “Hey peaches, that’s Teta Nat’s. You’re just going to have to grow some of your own if you want some hair.” Teta means Aunt in Croatian. Tina insists we use Teta instead of Aunt. She smiles a gummy smile and jumps around in my arms. I can’t help but smile right back at her. She is too damn cute. Tatiana is three months old. All eight of us were present at her birth. You really can’t separate us…if one of us gets called, we start a phone tree to alert the others. Tatiana looks just like Tina when she was a baby; chubby and cute as hell with dark hair. The only difference is my sweet little girlie has Nik’s amber eyes rather than Tina’s green

ones. Tina was overjoyed at this. She loves Nik’s eye color. I walk over to the storeroom and knock before I enter. Tina sits behind the desk going through paperwork. She smiles as we enter. She coos to her daughter. “Hi, my beautiful girl. Are you giving Teta Nat a hard time? You eating her hair again? My cheeky little thing.” She takes Tatiana out of my hands and pops her onto her hip. Tina’s smiling face falls when she looks over to me. She asks, “Everything okay?” No. My heart aches whenever I’m around Tatiana. I’ll never have children. Watching Tina with Tats brings me as much sorrow as it does happiness. A random doctor’s appointment last year led me to being diagnosed with PCOS. I have cysts on my ovaries and uterus. I have around eighty cysts on each ovary. That’s a lot. The doctor advised me to be prepared for the fact that I’ll never have children. My ovaries and uterus are too scarred and damaged for me to conceive. I force a large smile and reply, “Of course. Just a little edgy with the move, that’s all.” Tina smiles. “Don’t you even worry about the move. I asked the girls to help out. The guys offered to help, but I told them this was girl-bonding time.” Smiling back at her, I sigh. “What would I do without you?” She scrunches her nose and tilts her head up. “You’d have to buy cupcakes.” She blinks and goes on “That’s about it.” We both laugh. Tina’s cupcakes are the bomb. Actually, anything Tina bakes is out of this world. Tina owns Safira Boutique. Safira’s is a clothing store, but we also sell accessories and lingerie. Mimi, Lola and I work with Tina. Right across the street is The White Rabbit, which is where all the guys work. We’re pretty close knit which makes avoiding Ghost not so easy. For seven months, I’ve managed to stay away from him. We haven’t so much as said hello to each other in this time. What’s crazy is I miss his stupid little aggravating comments and how he called me pretty girl. What’s not crazy is that, of course, I want the bad boy. But isn’t that always the way it goes? Every girl wants a bad boy who is only good to her. We all want to tame a wild beast. And Ghost is as wild as a man comes. He’s unpredictable, broody and emotionless. He may as well be a wild animal. I’ve never even heard him laugh before. The Ghost of my fantasies is loving, dominant and funny. That Ghost doesn’t exist. He’s in my head. My memories of the night Ghost and I had crazy monkey sex are as clear as daylight. They haunt me.

Every. Freaking. Night. My belly tightens and I flush whenever I think about it. Tina pulls me back to reality with an amused, “Hellllloooooo? Anyone in there?” She flaps her hand in front of my face. My face forms a scowl and I poke her lightly in the ribs. She giggles and I smile. My friend is a goofball, but she’s so adorable that it just makes her even cuter. We make each other laugh all the time. It’s the real basis of our friendship. I sigh and say, “Please tell me you baked.” Her face falls immediately and I know she didn’t. Tina wears her heart on her sleeve. I love that. “Oh, honey, I promise I will soon. It’s just with Tatiana and the housework, and Ceecee, I’ve been all over the place!” She sounds panicked. I quietly laugh and reassure her, “Sweetie, I was only kidding! It’s not a cupcake emergency day.” She looks only slightly reassured and promises, “Tomorrow. Cupcakes.” Toot toot! Yum! I glance at the wall clock. 3:24pm. A few hours and I’ll be moved into my new place. Wicked. *** The moving truck has arrived, and we’re all working on getting the boxes inside my fabulous new apartment. The price was a little over my budget, but the security in this place is amazing! There’s a code to get through the front door and a different code to use the elevator. Each apartment has a security system, and the premises are monitored. I was happy to spend an extra fifty a month on rent to be secure in my little home. The moving guys help put my furniture in as promised. Once all the heavy items are inside, the girls and I take over. Lola, Mimi and Tina are opening boxes and moving them in and out of rooms. This is why you need girls to unpack a girl’s apartment. They all know where things should go! With the four of us going at it, it only takes two hours, and I’m ecstatic when we finish. Lola disappears for a minute then returns with some champagne. Not the cheap stuff but Dom Perignon. Six hundred dollar champagne! I’m giddy! This has to be thanks to Nik. God, I love that man. I look over to Tina and grin. “I love your husband.” Tina smiles and shrugs.

Mimi pops open the bottle and we all whoop and cheer. She pours glasses for us, and we all drink with enthusiasm, apart from Tina who takes only a tiny sip because she’s breastfeeding Tats. After we drink, they all hug and kiss me. I thank them for their help and wave them off. I shut the door and lean my head against it. Alone at last. I love my friends, but I seriously love my alone time too. I turn my back to the door, scan my newly outfitted apartment and smile. It looks awesome! I didn’t add a lot of new things to it, but what I had, mixed with the new things I bought, makes the apartment look classy and chic. Tina gave me her old sofa, which is so damn comfortable I can’t risk sitting on it before going out, or I know I’ll change my mind and end up falling asleep in front of the TV. She also gave me some bits and pieces from our old place because Nik already has things to match his home. The apartment isn’t large, but it’s open plan with only the bedroom and bathroom separate. I love it. The kitchen was only remodeled a year ago. It has a wicked marble-look breakfast bar and new wooden cabinets for my dishes and pans. The sink is double width and the faucets are shiny. The lounging area is a little cramped for such a huge TV. I bought a brand spanking new 60-inch TV which the movers kindly helped me put up on the wall. I love watching TV. Nothing makes me happier than curling up on the couch and watching a movie. Okay, so call me antisocial. Don’t get me wrong, I love going out. On weekends. If I have to work the next day, (which I do almost every day) there is no way I’m dragging my butt out of bed early. Tina calls me a zombie. My friend is not wrong. Once I’m asleep, it’s lights out. I don’t hear or see anything after that. Only if a person shakes me awake will I stir. Slightly. If anyone is stupid enough to wake me, that is. I sigh then push myself off the door. I walk down the hall to my new bathroom which is also newly remodeled and immaculate, and turn on the shower. I undress, step in and let the hot water wash away any negativity that sticks to me. Serenity now. I scrub til my skin is almost raw. I turn off the water, step out and wrap my hair in a turban. I moisturize my face, walk naked to my room, get some silk panties on followed by my jammies, and I’m ready to watch TV.

My jammies are so damn comfortable. They’re pretty ratty, but comfort trumps everything when you’re not in a relationship. My black spaghetti strap tank comes just above my belly button, and my red Minnie Mouse pajama pants and my Minnie Mouse head slippers complete my ensemble. But my panties are always silk and sexy. I like to splurge on myself when it comes to lingerie. Even if no one sees it, it makes me feel sexy. I brush my hair out, take the Strawberry Cheesecake ice-cream out of the freezer, grab a spoon and sink into the sofa with a plop. I turn on the TV and get excited when I find an old eighties teen movie. Score! I love old eighties teen movies! So much angst and bitterness. Just like me! Being a teenager was awesome. No problems, all you really had to worry about was who you were crushing on that week. And high school. And the latest fashions. And pimples. And hormones. You know what, I take it back. Being a teenager sucked ass. I’m lost in the movie when I hear a loud thump followed by a female giggling. I blink then smirk. My neighbor is getting lucky tonight. Good for them. Ten minutes passes and another loud thump hits the wall behind the TV. My TV jiggles and I’m suddenly worried that my two thousand dollar TV will fall off the wall and smash into pieces. Another thump, then another hits the wall followed by a long female moan. Oh, shit. Really? Against my damn wall? Let them go, they’re just having some fun. And ruining my damn movie! Another five minutes of thumps hitting my wall and I’ve had it. I turn off the TV and head to bed. I crawl in and let out a happy sigh. I love sleep so much! I pull the covers up to my chin then breathe in deep. Upon the exhale, I hear a woman’s muffled yell, “OH, GOD! YES! YES! YESSSSSssssssss!” Then silence. Well, that was fun. At least someone’s getting some. Touché, brain.

I curl up deeper into my bed and fall asleep. *** “Oh, God. Yes! Yes, baby! Yes!” What the feck? My eyelids flutter open and immediately I know something is wrong. It’s still dark out. So, why am I awake? I glance over at the digital alarm clock which reads 12:37am. “Harder, baby! Yes! Ohhhhhhhh, God! Yes!” The freakin’ female wailer is back. Stupid neighbors. I put the pillow over my head and groan. “Oh, yes! Fuck me! Deeper!” Oh, just put a freakin’ bullet in my brain, would ya? “Yes! Yes! YESSSSSSsssssss!” Then silence. I listen for a moment but hear nothing, so I snuggle my pillow and fall back asleep. *** “Oh, God! Baby, just like that! Yes! Oh my God! Yes!” You have got to be freakin’ kidding me. I peek at the digital clock which reads 1:45am. My blood boils. Screwing with my sleep once a night is bad enough, but twice?! I run a hand over my face. Oh, dear God, give me strength! It takes every last bit of willpower for me to not go over there and smack some sense into them. “Please, baby! Give it to me! Yes! Yes! Oh god yes!” This is a selfish woman. She’s had at least three orgasms tonight. Leave some for the rest of us, lady. “Baby, please! Yes! Yes! YESSSSSssssss!” Then silence. Thank god! I snuggle deeper into my bed and sigh. Just as I’m about to fall asleep, it starts. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP. My eyes flash with rage. They cannot be serious! THUMP-THUMP-THUMP. What is this man? A freakin’ cyborg?! THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.

I start silently sobbing into my pillow. I love my sleep so much I’ll cry over losing it. Then I stare up at the ceiling and silently fume. *** My eye twitches with rage. I peek over at the digital clock. 2:57am. They’ve been at it for hours. I’ve alternated crying, cursing and praying. Nothing helps. I grit my teeth. My neighbors suck ass! I’ve decided I already hate them. I won’t ever send them a Christmas card. Ever. “Oh, God! Baby, yes! Harder, baby! Oh! Oh! Oh!” My eye twitches again. I’ve been staring at the ceiling for ages. My eyes are sore and scratchy. I can’t sleep in these conditions! Call the cops. No, it’ll take too long. I need sleep now! “Yes! Babbbbbyyyy! YEEESSSSSSSssssss!” THAT. IS. IT! I’ve had it! I throw the covers off me, stomp to the bathroom and tie my hair into a messy bun at the very top of my head. I storm down the hall and out of my apartment. I pound on my neighbors’ door and wait. The latch unlocks, the door opens and I see a short but very pretty woman stand before me in only a man’s shirt. She is blonde, blue eyed and slender. She wears a welcoming smile. I scowl and say, “I’m sorry to bother your love-fest, but it’s three in the freakin’ morning and I have work in the morning.” She looks apologetic and just as she opens her mouth to speak I hear a husky man’s voice come from the hallway, “I’m sorry, ma’am.” The lights are off so I can’t see him properly because his head is down, focusing on the buttons of the shirt he’s doing up as he walks to the door. He goes on, “It won’t happen again.” Then he lifts his head. My stomach dips. I shrink and freeze. My heart squeezes as I whisper, “Ghost?” Ghost looks stunned. He chokes out, “Nat, what are you doing here?” I look down and answer quietly, “I- Ah- I live next door.” I clear my throat and put on my famous scowl, “Keep the noise down, please. I’ve got to work tomorrow.” I turn to walk away.

Ghost stops me with a hand on my arm and a pleading, “Nat, hold up.” I pull my arm roughly from his grip and hiss, “I’m tired and I don’t want to talk, goddamn it.” I whisper hoarsely, “I just want some freakin’ sleep. So, for the love of God, please fuck her quietly.” I turn on my heel and rush back to my apartment. Well, that was fun. Once I close the door, I put a hand to my chest, breathe in deeply then exhale slowly. Well, seeing Ghost with another woman was something else. It hurt more than I’m willing to admit to myself. There is a piercing ache in my chest. I gently rub at it. I’m just about to move from the door when I hear a muffled Ghost say, “Tasha, I think you should go.” My eyes widen and I tiptoe closer to the wall. I press my ear against it and hear the woman reply, “Sure thing, lover. Sorry about that. I get a little loud. Who was that anyway?” Ghost replies, “No one.” Ouch. That freakin’ hurts. My throat clogs, my eyes mist and I move away from the wall. I head back to my room, crawl into bed and pull the covers up over my head. Then I do something I’ve never done over a man. I cry. *** I see Tasha out of the apartment, lean back against the door and think. What just happened? Tasha and I were screwing. Pretty loudly. But we were havin’ a good time. Then out of nowhere comes my living fantasy. To my apartment. While I’m screwing another woman. Yeah, not good. My chest aches. What do you care? She doesn’t. Yeah… I’m sure she doesn’t. Although, when she realized it was me, she looked kinda hurt. Nah. Nat doesn’t feel. Ever. Yep. That’s for sure. I’ve never met a woman like her before. She’s a total bitch. Goddamn, she’s sexy though. Ain’t it the truth? Even wearing ridiculous mouse pajamas and slippers, she looked hot, which put me off Tasha right away. Not a stitch of makeup on and her red hair up in a stupid looking ball at

the top of her head, wearing a tiny tank top with no bra. Hot. I don’t know why I felt the need to explain to her that Tasha and I were only screwing. I don’t do relationships. They require people to eventually move in together and sleep in the same bed together. And I can’t do that. I have extreme nightmares. Well, technically, they’re memories. Memories of my father, mother, my childhood, pain and hurt. Everything that came with growing up in my house. Ever since I lived with Nik and Max’s family, I knew something was wrong. They looked at me with pity for days when I got there. I never woke in my nightmares. Only one night when Nik’s mother, Cecilia, tried to hold me during a fitful sleep and I attacked her, did I ever find out about what I was capable of during my sleep. I punched Cecilia in the face. I was so worried Nik’s dad would kick me out, I actually cried. I couldn’t go back home. But Nik’s dad, Ilia, was more of a father to me than my own. He was a kind man, but if you crossed him, you got yours. I planned on killing my father. Ilia told me if I was serious about that, he would do it for me. Ilia was part of a Russian gang called Chaos. He claimed me as his own, so when Nik was recruited after Ilia died, Max and I joined with him. I felt I owed it to him. I never knew what having a family was like until Nik befriended me. I’d never even had a friend before. He had my back before he even knew me. In high school, I got picked on for having ripped or dirty clothes. Nik approached me one day while I was getting picked on and asked if I needed a hand. He’ll never know what that gesture meant to me. I sorta tagged along with him after that and I was surprised he let me. Everyone wanted to be Nik’s friend in high school, but he was selective. After I met his father, I knew why. Nik only befriended people he could be real with. Then Ilia suggested I sleep at their house whenever I felt unsafe at home. Which was always. So, I basically came over one day and never left. I even had my very own room. Cecilia, who I call Mama, went out the next day and bought me an entire closet full of clothes and three pairs of shoes. I didn’t even know people could own three pairs of shoes. I had one pair and they were falling apart. Ever since that day, Nik started introducing me as his brother. And I really do consider Nik and Max my brothers. One day in gym class, Nik happened to see my scars and bruises. He asked me about them but I took off. I didn’t come home for a week. When I finally returned, Mama cried with relief. I’d never had someone be worried about me. She told me I was grounded and to never

scare her like that again. I smile at the memory. I took my punishment without a word. Mama’s tears of love were worth a week of chores. Mama likes Nat. She told me to get off my ass and ask her out. Yeah. Quite frankly, I’d rather have fire ants nibble at my balls. So the shrew is my new neighbor. Kiss my grits. I smirk. At least the view will be nice. Chapter Two Befriended by a Ghost I make it to work just after nine. Being kept up most of last night didn’t help me any. I heard my alarm, but my body acted of its own accord and pressed snooze. Four times. I dragged my ass out of bed and don’t even remember showering. Somehow, in my comatose state, I managed to put together a half decent outfit and drive myself to work. I walk through the door and Mimi looks up from the counter. Her eyes widen and she declares, “Wow. You look like shit.” I flip her the bird and she chuckles. I walk into the studio and yell out, “Gather.” Tina and Lola approach Mimi and I at the counter looking a little wary. Oh, chicas. You have no idea. Tina says softly, “Oh, honey. You look ill. Are you okay?” I reply, “No. Not okay. Not in the slightest.” Lola looks concerned, puts a hand on my shoulder and asks, “What is it, Nat?” My mouth waters when I spot Tina’s chocolate peanut butter cupcakes behind the counter. I grab one, unwrap it and shove the whole thing in my mouth. I close my eyes in bliss and moan. My mouth is full so my response is a little garbled. “I had a run in with my neighbor last night.” Mimi smirks. “Already getting into trouble? Babe, you gotta wait at least a week for that.”

Tina enquires, “What kind of run in?” Lola’s eyes widen and she whispers loudly, “Oh, no.” Then she guesses, “Loud sex?” I swallow my cake, fire imaginary guns at Lola and utter, “Bingo!” Tina sympathizes, “Oh, sweetie. You love sleep! That sucks!” I scoff and run my hands down my face. “You have no idea, guys. Three freakin’ times. I was up til three am before I decided to go over there. So this pretty little woman answers the door and she looks nice enough. Just as she’s about to apologize, her man comes along.” Lola grimaces. “Asshole. He’s an asshole, right?” I lower my face and chuckle through my reply, “You don’t know how right you are. Only we know this asshole.” Mimi’s face scrunches in confusion as she asks, “Who?” “Yeah, who?” Tina asks. I take a step back, put my hands out by my sides and clear my throat. “My new neighbor is Ghost.” All three women gasp loudly and Lola covers her mouth with her hands. I nod slowly. Oh, yeah. That just happened, ladies. Tina sputters, “Wha- I- He- How?” Mimi can’t control herself, she bursts out laughing. Lola’s lips twitch. I narrow my eyes at them and wonder why I’m friends with these girls. Tina and Nik found out about Ghost and I by accidently hearing us in the conference room the night we did it. I told Mimi and Lola one day at work when they questioned why Ghost and I never talk anymore. I don’t like secrets. I prefer to be honest with people. Sometimes, I’ve been told, I can be brutally honest. But I can’t change who I am. Lola straightens and says softly, “That sucks, babe.” Mimi chuckles. “Yeah. That sucks ass. Sorry.” I scowl at Mimi. “You don’t sound sorry, hag.” She laughs harder and I fight not to smirk. Mimi treats me like my sisters do. That’s awesome because I miss them, and Mimi makes me feel at home. Tina wraps me up in a hug and whispers, “Oh, honey. I’m sorry. That must be hard for you.” I lie. “No. It isn’t. It would just be really great if I never saw him. Avoiding him is best.” Mimi’s face becomes serious and she asks quietly, “Why do you need to avoid him if you’re okay with it?” The girls stare at me for a good thirty seconds before I respond quietly, “He told her I was no one.”

Mimi frowns, Lola gasps and Tina shakes her head slowly. I continue on a whisper, “It hurt. Really badly. And I may have cried.” Tina lifts her face and blinks. “But you never cry.” I reply an exasperated, “I know, right?! I’m blaming it on the sleep deprivation.” Mimi responds softly, “Or maybe you really do care.” Lola nods in agreement. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “I don’t want to care! God, why does this always happen? Ghost needs someone like Tina. Someone who is caring and sweet and delicate. And I need someone like- like- I don’t even know who!” Frustration eats at me. “Why not go out on a date with someone? Get your mind off him?” Lola suggests. My brows lift. That is not a bad suggestion. Do it. I put one fisted hand under my chin and pose. The Thinker. Tina giggles. “Not every problem is resolved with a date.” Mimi adds, “But it can’t hurt either.” Both good points. I respond, “It’s been a while since I’ve been on a date. I think that’s a great idea.” I smile and ask “What would I do without you guys? Group hug!” They smile and move closer to me. I wrap them up and squeeze them tight. I love my girls. *** Saturday night approaches and I’m pumped. I can’t wait to get to the club and find myself a man! Tina used to host the festivities before we went out which would consist of all us girls getting ready and yakking about anything and everything. But now she has Tatiana, and she can’t do it anymore. So I offered up my place. Ghost won’t be there. I know he starts work at the club around seven. I check my watch. It’s close to nine. Perfect! Mimi and Lola turn up minutes after I check my watch and we commence getting ready. We’ll meet Tina there. We take turns using the bathroom mirror. I decide to save time and do Mimi’s makeup so we can get out of here earlier. Mimi fixes Lola’s hair and I begin to ready myself by letting my hair down and ruffling it.

Mimi dresses in a black tube mini dress with black heels. Her blonde hair is straight and her eye makeup is dark and smudged. She looks hot. Lola dresses in skinny black low-rider jeans, a white tank and strappy sandals. Her long brown hair is half up and her makeup is minimal. But she still looks amazing. Now that she and Trick are a sort-of item, she doesn’t dress for anyone but him anymore. I’ll admit it. It’s kinda sweet. I wear a bright canary yellow dress. It comes a little above my knees, has long sleeves and is tight. It hugs my curves. You would think I’d look like a clown wearing a yellow dress with bright red hair but, somehow, it works. I can’t wear underwear under this dress, it shows the lines. So I decide, for one night, to go without. I feel bare. And icky. I finish my look with light yellow strappy pumps. My makeup is done using a little eyeliner, a lot of mascara and pale pink lipstick. My hair falls in waves down my back. I love this dress. When Tina went on her scouting trip earlier this year, she sent me a picture of this dress and I knew immediately I had to have it. I begged and pleaded with her to get it. Then I demanded, I mean asked, she ordered ten, and within two weeks on the racks, they were sold. When we’re ready to go, we hop in the cab I called for and we’re off. Toot toot! I can’t wait! I’m on the prowl tonight! I guess subconsciously I am peacocking with my outfit. I mentally pray that I don’t look like an abstract Picasso. The cab pulls up to The White Rabbit and we whoop as we exit. B-Rock, the huge African American bald doorman, chuckles and shakes his head when he sees us. We approach and he says, “I thought I recognized that craziness. Damn, you girls are looking good tonight. Give B-Rock some love.” I smile big. We do this every weekend. B-Rock likes to act up a little and we love him so much that we play along. He looks like a bear, but he’s a total kitten. And he’s adorable. We all take turns kissing his cheek and head on into the club. We’re VIPs at The White Rabbit. We never pay for a thing and have the largest booth in the VIP section. This is the only place aside from my apartment that I can let go and unwind after a rough week. The White Rabbit is, by far, the most awesome club I’ve ever been to. The theme is Alice in Wonderland. How cool is that?

The waitresses all wear short Alice costume dresses with thigh high white stocking and white pumps. They rock long white blonde wigs and dramatic pale makeup. The whole club has a whimsical feel to it. But apart from that, it’s a regular club with drinks and good music. There are two floors, upstairs is VIP and downstairs is the regular club area. Downstairs is set in the shape of the letter U. Booths and tables line the outer area, the bar is the entire back of the room and the dance floor is lowered slightly. VIP consists of different shaped booths which are soft leather and crazy comfortable. The line for entry is always down the street and the dance floor is always packed. I guess you could say Nik does well for himself. We hold hands and make our way up the stairs to the VIP section. The regular Asian Alice greets us. “Hi ladies, come on through.” We decline her offer to show us to our booth. We’ve been coming here for over a year. We know where to go. Most of the staff know us by name. Every time I’m here I feel like a celebrity. It’s awesome! We approach our booth, which seats ten, and I spot Nik and Tina. Tina sits on Nik’s lap and they talk with their faces close together. Smiling like idiots. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. The truth is I’m so happy for them. I plonk down next to them with a huge smile and feign annoyance, “God, can’t you guys get a room?” Tina smiles, leans forward and kisses my cheek. Nik kisses my other cheek. We’re a Nat sandwich. Nik replies with a smile, “If you knew how little quality time I get with my wife now that Tats is around, you wouldn’t even go there, sister.” Tina responds, “Sad but true, honey.” She smiles. “She’s so worth it though.” I smile and tell them, “Oh, yeah. If she’s anything like her favorite Teta Nat, she’s going to be awesome.” We all laugh. I feel the seat depress, an arm goes around my shoulders, and I’m pulled into a hard body. I grin. Lips touch my ear. “Remind me why we never hooked up?” I chuckle then straighten before turning to Max and play-think. I scrunch my face, tilt my head and look up. I reply, “Because we’re friends?” Max smirks and says a resigned, “Oh, yeah.” I can’t help but chuckle. Max and I flirt all the time. We both know we’ll never be more than friends but it’s fun and he’s gorgeous. Max and Nik look alike. Nik is built a little bigger than Max though, but they both have an olive skin tone, dark hair, muscular bodies, ambercolored eyes and big white smiles with a single dimple. Trick also looks like them, being cousins and all, but he’s a little shorter and has hazel eyes.

Ridiculously hot. All of them. Trick arrives at the booth and Lola pounces on him. He chuckles and whispers something into her ear. She takes his hand and they walk away. I smirk. One guess what they’ll be doing in half a minute. I hate my stupid ass for looking out for Ghost. And just when I give up, I spot him at the VIP bar with a dark-haired pretty woman. My chest aches. I absently rub at it. I stand and tell the others I’m going to the downstairs bar. Mimi and Tina smile knowingly. Oh, yeah, babies. On the prowl. As I walk away, my heel catches and I stumble. I’m falling. Oh, crap! Arms close around my waist and hold me firmly. The person helps me steady myself and asks, “Are you alright?” I brush the hair from out of my face, look up and almost choke on my tongue. In front of me stands a man. A tall, built, very good-looking man. He has blue eyes and black hair. I stammer, “Ahhh- I- Ye- Uh huh.” He smiles. Oh, wow. What a smile it is. It’s wide and showcases his perfect white teeth. I like a man with great teeth. His eyes crinkle in the corners. The smile transforms his face. He’s gorgeous. I can’t believe it but I’m blushing. He chuckles, lets go of me, then offers his hand. “I’m Cole.” Hawwwwt. I’m suddenly a little shy. I put my hand in his and respond quietly, “I’m Nat.” I avoid his eyes. Still holding my hand, he lowers his smiling face to look into mine and asks, “Would you like to get a drink with me, Nat?” I bite my lip to stop my smile. He looks at my bottom lip and stops smiling. I quickly release my lip and reply softly, “Yes. I’d love that.” A smile forms on his face as he pulls me closer and holds my hand as we walk down the stairs together. That sure didn’t take long! *** “So, you work at the clothing store across the street, you’re twenty-eight, you’re of a Croatian background and you’re very single?” Sipping on my cosmopolitan, I nod my head. “Yep. That’s me in a nutshell.”

Cole smiles. “Well, me in a nutshell would be pretty short too. I’m thirty-two, all American. I live downtown. I’m a personal trainer and I’m also very single.” Uncomplicated. Just what I need. I smile and lift my drink. “To being very single.” He smiles and touches his drink to mine. We sip and I feel a hand on my arm. Still smiling, I look up to see Ghost looking blankly at me. “I need to talk to you.” I stare at him in disbelief for a moment before I hiss, “Now? Right now?” I look back at Cole and I’m not sure what happened to the guy I was sitting with a minute ago. Gone is the friendly smile and in its place is a glower. His brows have dropped; he looks terrifying. His grip on his glass is so tight I’m afraid he’ll break it. Cole’s voice is dead calm as he asks, “Is there a problem here?” Before Ghost has a chance to answer, I respond, “No. Ash is my neighbor. He probably just got some of my mail again?” I look at Ghost with pleading eyes. “Right, Ash?” Ghost’s face has softened slightly and he looks me in the eye when he replies, “Yeah. Sure.” He doesn’t sound convincing so I act up a bit. I put my hand on his arm and smile. “I’ll come by tomorrow and get it. Say hi to Tasha for me.” As soon as I mention Tasha, Ghost’s eyes turn hard and he replies quietly, “Yeah, whatever.” I watch as he walks away. What did he need to talk to me about? Cole breaks my thoughts. “So, he’s your neighbor?” Looking up, I see he’s clearly confused. He toys with his drink and looks absently through his glass. I smile and exaggerate my reply. “Oh yeah! We’ve known each other a while now. In fact, just the other night I had to go over there to tell him and his lady friend to keep the noise down. If you get what I mean?” I wink and smile. Understanding dawns on his face. He chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. “Oh, I thought he was coming on to you. I didn’t like that. I mean, I was sitting right here.” He looks sheepish. I chuckle. “No. We aren’t like that.” He takes my hand and plays with my fingers. “Good, because I was planning on asking you out.” I smile then bite my lip. I clear my throat and admit, “Well, it’s a good thing I’d say yes.” Cole smiles his brilliant smile and agrees, “Yeah. That is a good thing.” ***

When I get home from the club, I’m smiling like an idiot and feel so light, I practically float right through the door. I ended up staying a little later than normal. I glance at my phone for the time. 3:17am. Yikes! Okay, a lot later than normal! But Cole is so dreamy! And I’m seeing him again Monday night. Sigh. Still smiling like a complete dork, I kick off my shoes and drop my purse on the counter. I walk over to my room, undress and walk to the bathroom buck-naked. I dress in my jammies, walk back to my room and flick on the lamp. And I squeal my freakin’ head off. Ghost is lying on my bed with his hands crossed behind his head. And the ass is smirking. He saw me naked! I yell, “You saw me naked!” He smiles wider, bites the tip of his tongue and nods. God, I love when he does the tongue thing. My blood boils. I pick up a shoe and throw it at him. He moves to avoid it and rolls right off the bed. I burst out laughing. I laugh long and so hard I have tears streaming down my face. I open my eyes and spy Ghost on the floor rubbing his head. I walk over to him and still chuckling, ask, “Are you okay?” He scowls but smiles. “Yeah.” Then he stands and says, “Now that you’re home, we can talk.” Ghost breaking into my apartment doesn’t even worry me. He did the same to Tina, like, a gazillion times. He’s some big-shot security guy, so I guess he knows enough about locks and alarms to bypass them. With a sigh, I flop onto my bed face-down and utter, “It’s so late, Ghost. Can’t we talk tomorrow?” This comes out muffled. My bed depresses. “No. We talk now. It’s important.” I look up and Ghost is lying next to me with his arms behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. His arms look perfectly delicious in the black uniform tee he wears and I inwardly curse him. I exhale loudly and give in. “Okay. What’s up?” He looks suddenly nervous and mutters, “About Tasha…” I cut him off, “Not my business. Next topic of discussion.” Ghost nods and goes on, “I think you should rethink this avoiding each other business.” I turn my body so I’m on my side. “Why?”

Ghost turns to look at me and states firmly, “Because it’s selfish of you.” What the feck?! “What?” I whisper. He nods and explains, “For seven months all our friends have been divided and I don’t like it. We live next door to each other, so grow the hell up and get over whatever it is that stops us from talking because I’ve had it.” Rage coils in my gut. I shout, “I’m not selfish!” He nods his head. “Okay, fine. Show me you aren’t. Let’s stop avoiding each other.” My brain wanders as he says this. What could go wrong? I could begin to feel things for him. Gooey, icky things. Then don’t sleep with him again, stupid. What are his intentions? I clear my throat and ask, “What are your intentions, Ghost?” He turns to face me and looks uneasy. He frowns and sniffs his reply, “I don’t know. Be friends or some shit.” He finishes with a small shrug. Friends with Ghost. Friendship. I can do friendship. After a minute silence, I respond quietly. “Yeah, okay. We can be friends.” Ghost blinks and slides off my bed. He turns off my lamp, covers me with the quilt and whispers, “Night, Nat.” I smile. “Night, Ghost.” All is right in the world.

Chapter Three No use crying over stolen milk Thump. My eyes open wide and I stiffen. I pull the covers up to my chin and listen. Thump. Someone’s in my kitchen! No one has a key to this place yet, so I come to the conclusion I’m being robbed. I grab my phone and slowly edge off the bed, being careful not to make a sound. I dial 911 on my cell on hold my thumb over the green call button. Mental note: buy mace. I peek down the hall and see a man’s body hanging out of my refrigerator. Luckily, the refrigerator door is in the way so he can’t see me. I creep as quietly as I can down the hall, into the kitchen then slam the refrigerator door into the man as hard as I can. The man gets squished and makes an Oomph sound. I run to the door, unlock it, go out into the hall and bang on Ghost’s door as loudly as possible. My body trembles. I’m scared to death. I whisper shakily, “Please be home. Please be home.” I lose patience and shriek, “Ghost! Open the door! Please be home!” My eyes fill with tears. I’m terrified. An arm wraps around my waist and I yelp. Just as I’m about to scratch the robber’s eyes out, lips come to my ear and he whispers, “Calm down, pretty girl. It’s just me.” My body becomes limp with relief and I choke on a sob. I dip my chin and burst into tears. He turns me, and I lean my forehead onto his chest as he holds me tight. He rocks my body from side to side and coos, “It’s okay, babe. It’s just me.” When I finally manage to calm down, I lean back and look into Ghost’s face. He looks concerned as he wipes away my tears. I sniffle and he puts on a small smile. Just as he opens his mouth to speak, I punch him. Right on the nose. He stumbles back holding his nose and moaning. I screech, “Don’t you ever, ever do that again!” Then I turn on my heel and storm back into my apartment. I lock the door behind me, run to my room and face plant into my bed. Within seconds, I hear the front door open. I sigh. A few seconds later, I feel the bed sink next to me.

“Who taught you to punch like that?” I reply a muffled, “My dad.” After a few moments of silence, I lift my face and tell him, “I have two sisters. Dad wanted us be to be able to defend ourselves. All it really did was make us short-fused and dangerous. There were more cat fights in our house than you could count. Nina once stabbed me with a fork because I ruined her sweater. Helena ripped a chunk of hair out of my head when I was in high school, and I had to wear a hat for a year.” Ghost’s eyes widen. “That’s fucked up.” I sigh and smile wistfully. “Yeah. It is.” “So you don’t get on with your family?” I scrunch my face and state, “My family is awesome. We’re just a bit hot-headed is all.” After a moment’s silence, I ask, “Do you have any brothers or sisters?” Ghost replies without emotion, “Nik, Max and Trick are my brothers.” That’s really sweet, but I’ll never admit it to him. I find myself curious to know about his family. More importantly, to find out about what makes Ghost the way he is. I roll my eyes and ask, “For real brothers and sisters?” He sighs. “No. Don’t have a family either, so can you drop it?” My eyes narrow. “What the feck were you doing in my kitchen this morning? You scared the shit out of me.” Ghost rubs his nose. “Yeah, sorry about that. I ran out of milk so I came to borrow some. Isn’t that what friends do?” Only now do I notice we’re both in pajamas. Ghost wears a tight white tee and blue pajama pants. I wear my Minnie Mouse pants and tank combo. I chuckle softly and clarify, “You broke into my apartment to steal my milk?” Ghost smiles, runs a hand through his longish sandy hair and bites his tongue. Oh, geez. He looks like a little boy when he does that. Adorable. He says apologetically, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” My stomach rumbles. I glance over at the clock. 8:57am. I ask slowly, “Want some French Toast?” Ghost looks stunned. I rush to continue, “I can’t make it just for one person. The recipe I know is for two people. I always make too much for myself, so if you want some, I’ll make it for both of us otherwise the rest will go to waste.” And pause for air. He grins. “Uh, yeah. Sure. As long as you have bacon too.” I roll my eyes and mutter, “Who on earth makes French toast without bacon or syrup? ” We both stand and walk to the kitchen. I start removing things from the fridge and cupboards. I ask Ghost to get some plates and just as I’m about to tell him where to get

them, he goes to the exact place my plates are kept, removes two and places them on the counter. My eyes narrow. “Ghost, have you been in my apartment before last night?” His back is to me but he visibly stiffens. Oh my God! I lean closer to him and whisper-hiss, “Oh my God! You have! When?” He turns, holds up his hands in surrender and explains, “The day after that first night. I came home while you were still at work and cased the place. I was just checking how secure it was. That’s all.” My fists ball and I close my eyes. “How thorough were you?” He replies immediately. “Pretty damn thorough.” Eyes still closed, I ask a hushed, “Did you go into my room?” He doesn’t say a word. So there’s my answer. My face flushes and I whisper, “Did you go through my underwear drawer?” He doesn’t answer this either. OH MY GOD! That means he saw… “Oh my God!” I shout and cover my face with my hands. Ghost sputters, “I- I- I only looked for a second. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s normal. Lots of women use vibrators…” My face turns beet red and I yell, “Stop talking!” “…I know quite a few women who pleasure themselves…” I screech, “Shut up, Ghost!” “…I mean, I was surprised at first. You don’t seem like the kind of woman who needs a vibrator…” I walk over to him and cover his mouth with both my hands. He closes his eyes. I whisper, “We will never speak of this again. Ever.” He stays quiet for a long moment but nods once. I let go of his mouth, turn around and go about making our breakfast. *** My eyes close in bliss as I bite into another piece of syrup-covered bacon. Not only is she sexy, but she cooks too. Nice. We’ve been fairly silent over breakfast. Ever since the vibrator conversation, she hasn’t said much. I don’t know what the big deal is. It’s hot.

I’d bet at least fifty percent of women own one. I like a woman who isn’t afraid to please herself. I clear my throat. “This is great. I didn’t know you cooked.” Nat looks up and smiles. “Well you never asked, did you? Not much of a conversationalist, are you Ash?” I love when she says my name. Poking at my bacon, I admit quietly, “No. Not much. No.” “Why is that? You’re clearly intelligent. You wouldn’t be able to do all that fancy security stuff if you were dumb. Why don’t you talk much?” I shrug and explain, “I prefer to listen. You can find out a lot about a person if they think you aren’t interested in what they’re saying. It helps me figure out the type of person they are.” She plays with her food and asks quietly, “Do you listen to me when I talk?” I nod and she asks, “What have you learnt about me?” I lean back on my chair. “I’ve learnt looks can be deceiving.” Her brow furrows. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I shake my head and accuse, “Hell, no. If I tell you, you’ll just punch me again!” She rolls her eyes and vows, “I promise not to punch you again. Today.” I utter, “Okay. You asked for it, pretty girl.” I exhale loudly and rest my forearms on the small dining table leaning closer to her. “You act like a tough girl, but the things that hurt other people hurt you just as much. You just don’t say anything about it. You never show your true emotions and are very guarded with people you meet. You use sarcasm to deflect truth and you don’t trust easily. You sometimes use your looks to get what you want. You hide behind bright red hair, pretty dresses and sexy lips. You’re also unpredictable. Basically, you are a guy’s wet dream and worst nightmare all rolled into one. You’re the woman a guy falls in love with but doesn’t really know. He falls in love with one version of you. You’ll only show the real you when you feel safe in the relationship and it might not be what that man wants in the end.” Her eyes have lost focus. She stares vacantly into my chest. Shit. This is why I don’t talk to people. I usually say shit that makes people angry or upset. It’s not that I don’t have manners, I just don’t really understand emotions. I run a hand through my hair and start, “Nat, I’m sorry-” But she cuts me off with a shake of the head and quietly states, “You’re good at that. You should become a police profiler or something. That’s pretty much right. All of it.” She ends on a whisper.

I clear my throat. “I don’t mean any offence. I just call it like I see it. I don’t really know how to lie. I’d prefer to just get the truth out there. No beating around bushes, ya know?” She smiles a small smile. “You’re the kind of friend I need, Ghost. Lying doesn’t fly with me. I hate it.” Quick save. Great. I have no idea why I’m so relieved. When Nat told me we should avoid each other all those months ago, I was pissed. And a little hurt. That one passionate time with her was enough for me to think we had potential to be casual, but she obviously thought I was only worth a one-time thing. So when she demanded we stop talking, I thought screw her. But seeing her at the club and not being able to even sit close enough to hear her voice was wearing on me. I won’t ever admit it to her, but somehow, she soothes me. I used to sit next to her in the booth only to sit back, close my eyes and let the sound of her voice penetrate me. The sweet, smooth sound would banish any memories of my dad. So when she started dodging me, I was up at night a lot more than I used to be, and the only other thing that would help would be finding a random girl and screwing her til my mind was so exhausted all I could do was sleep, if only for a few hours. Something about Nat makes me crazy. I can’t quite put my finger on what that is. She’s something else. I’ll tell you one thing, since we fucked, all I’ve wanted to do is get another shot at her. After losing that chance, I promised myself if I ever got the opportunity again, I would take it nice and slow. I’d savor the experience. The last time was rushed, explosive and fierce. I wouldn’t change it for anything though. She came twice just from my cock. That’s never happened before. It was phenomenal. Just thinking about it makes me hard. And… you’re getting hard. Fuck. That’s just great. Now that I think about it, there is one thing I’d change about that night. I’d kiss her. *** Ghost shuffles around on his chair. “You okay there?” I ask. He replies a choked, “Yeah. Fine.” He looks kind of flushed. “You need some water or juice?”

He looks grateful as he splutters, “Water! Yes, water. Perfect. Thanks.” I place the water on his side of the table and finish up my breakfast. I pop the last piece of French toast into my mouth and moan. How great is food?! I look up just as Ghost swallows hard and gets up and walks stiffly to the bathroom. What a strange man! I love food. There’s a type of food to deal with any emotion. Depressed? Fried food. Happy? Baked goods. Content? Ice cream. I could make a whole chart up. Ghost exits the bathroom and trying to make conversation, I ask, “What are you doing today, friend?” He grins. “I don’t really know. It’s the only day off I get, so I try to cram a whole lotta crap into it.” I nod in agreement. “Me too. I need to go grocery shopping though. You would’ve noticed this morning when you broke into my apartment to steal milk that I only had a drop left.” He chuckles. “Yeah. You need more milk.” “You need anything from the store?” I ask cautiously. He looks shocked at my offer. I mean, I am pretty shocked at my offer. Ghost has been back in my life for about twelve hours, but in that time, he’s revealed more about himself to me than what he had in a year. And I want to know about him. That’s my reasoning and I’m sticking to it. He finally responds, “Yeah, I do have to get groceries.” He looks unsure but asks, “Can we just go together? I normally browse around because I don’t write a list.” He doesn’t write a list? Sacrilege! I’m kind of excited about going grocery shopping with Ghost. “Sure. No problem.” I shrug and respond in a bored tone. He says to meet in the hall in a half hour. In that time, I shower and dress. Then we’re off. ***

Nat tries to get us to drive to the store in her car. Not happening. No offence to women, but when I’m in a car with any woman, it could even be her car, I’m driving. Might have something to do with the fact that my car is my baby. I worked my ass off and saved any spare cash I had to put towards doing her up. My 68 Chevy Impala. Black exterior with matching black custom interior. Leather sent over from Italy. Some would say I’m stupid to have spent so much on it, but fuck. She makes me happy. After arguing for ten minutes, I stroll over to my car, start it and drive over to her. I have to hide my smile. She looks so damn cute. She wears a scowl. Her body is stiff. She has her arms crossed over her chest and she’s wearing a huge pout. I beep the horn and she jumps in fright. I can’t help but chuckle. Finally, she rolls her eyes, gives in and we’re off. She doesn’t talk to me til we get to the grocery store, and even then she only asks, “Want to share a cart?” I nod. She takes us straight to the fruit and vegetable section and puts random items in the cart: strawberries, half a cantaloupe, carrots, tomatoes, celery, apples and avocado. She looks over to me. “What produce do you need?” I’m confused. I need produce? I’m pretty sure I’ve been living just fine without them. I take the cart and steer it into the meat section. I hear Nat mutter, “Okay, no fruit and veg. Check.” Looking around the meat section, I see Nat pick up two types of ground beef. She looks back and forth between them for a whole minute. I take them both out of her hands, put one in the cart and put the other back on the shelf. She scowls at me but I’m ready for her. “What? It’s just beef!” “It’s not just beef! One has five percent less fat! And lucky for you, that’s the one you put in the cart.” I roll my eyes and mumble, “Whatever, lady.” I stock the cart with four different types of meat. Okay, so I’m a typical bachelor. I like meat. Nothing beats a good steak. I could eat steak every damn day. I think that’s what’s on tonight’s menu and I’m already looking forward to it.

We go aisle by aisle and the cart is filling up. I add the essentials; potato chips, chocolate, ketchup, peanut butter, jelly, chocolate sauce and full fat milk. Nat adds things I’ve never even heard of; quinoa, whole wheat crackers, hummus, udon noodles, two percent milk and vegeta. I’m just about to ask if she’s a health nut when she puts chocolate spread, three different types of ice cream and bacon into the cart. That’s better. God, I hate when women starve themselves. I like my women curvy. Ever since Nat, I’ve been avoiding curvy women and settling for slender instead. There’s no comparison so why even try. We head down the pharmacy aisle and I stop right in front of the condoms. I look at Nat to find her looking right back at me. It’s a stare off. We stare at each other for almost a minute before I grab two boxes off the shelf. I put them in the cart. “One for you and one for me. You’ll probably need it with your new guy around.” I’ve been trying to work him into a conversation somehow. “Oh, I hadn’t even thought about that.” she replies quietly. It sounds genuine. So I prod. “What? You mean to tell me you don’t sleep with who you please?” She turns slightly and avoids my eyes when she responds, “Of course I do.” False. She’s lying. I can read people well and I’d bet my life savings that Nat doesn’t sleep around which makes me wonder why she let me pull her into the conference room that night. That makes me happy. Even though I have no right to feel happy about that. “So, when are you seeing the angry man again?” She immediately jumps to his defense. “He’s not an angry man! He just thought you were coming on to me, and his name is Cole, by the way. I’m going out with him tomorrow night.” I can understand that. If someone came between me and my woman… I mean, if I was with Nat and some guy came on to her in front of me, I’d want to break his skull. But something about him isn’t right. I’ll have to use my resources and look into him. Looking at the shelves, I tell her, “You need to get me a last name, pretty girl. Something about that boy ain’t right. Too jittery.” She frowns, but I see her eyes blankly focus on the shelves, which makes me believe she thinks the same thing I do. She concedes on a nod. “Okay. Any more weird stuff, and I’ll let you check him out. And I’ll be honest with you about it. But if I see he’s just a normal guy,

you will butt out.” She holds out her hand and I take it in mine. We shake then continue shopping. From this one experience, I can tell I’ll be happy to shop with her again. I like the way she walks around the cart, brushing past me. She talks to herself too, and I feel my body relax and my mind calm. I could listen to her talk all day. Half an hour later and we’re done, checked out and in my car driving home. We both take bags full of groceries up to our apartments, and just as I’m about to say goodbye, Nat stops suddenly and blurts out, “Do you want to watch TV with me tonight?” She wants to spend more time with me? We’ve spent all morning together, and I’m actually really pleased she isn’t sick of me yet. “Um- Ah- Uh, yeah. I guess. I mean, it’ll have to be here though. I don’t own a TV,” I stammer. She gasps loudly and puts a hand to her chest. She whispers loudly, “You don’t own a TV?” I would expect this reaction if I told her I had a bionic heart. I smirk. “Nope. No, I don’t.” She puts a hand on my arm and whispers again, “What is wrong with you?” I lean my head back and burst out laughing. Nat’s face softens, her lips tilt at the corner and she speaks full of awe, “Wow.” Still chuckling, I ask, “What?” She shifts from one foot to the other, looks to the ground and says softly, “That’s the first time I’ve heard you laugh.” She nervously plays with a ring on her finger. “That’s one of the nicest sounds I’ve ever heard, Ghost. You should do it more often.” And then she’s gone. Warmth spreads through me, causing my chest to expand and I smile. Well hell. I take my smile and strut like a peacock back to my apartment.

Chapter Four The date Last night was actually pretty great. Ghost came over just after seven. When I say he came over, I mean he broke in through the patio sliding door and waltzed right in like he owned the place. We sat on opposite ends of my ridiculously comfortable sofa and watched TV. He came dressed in sweats, a tee and barefoot. Of course, he looked amazing. He always looks amazing. I had already showered and was wearing my pajamas. I decided to put a bra underneath my tank. I usually leave the girls free, but I didn’t want to give him a free show and all. I found it hilarious that I had to explain reality shows to him. He didn’t really like reality TV, so we flicked through channels and settled on a show about baking. He was actually

watching the bakers in awe. He would make quiet comments like, “Would you look at that?” and “That looks great.” I found it so adorable that I burst into laughter a few times. I couldn’t help but ask, “Why don’t you own a TV?” He shrugged before explaining, “Never really understood sitting down and watching someone else live their life when we should be living ours. I watch things on the internet, but I’ve never sat down for entire episodes of a TV show before. But I like cooking channels.” So we spent almost five hours watching the cooking channel. And, surprisingly, I enjoyed it. We ate ice cream out of the same tub and would chat on occasion, but really, we just enjoyed each other’s company in silence for the most part. When I peeked at the clock and saw it was almost midnight, I told Ghost to go home. He looked disappointed, so I told him he could stay til his cooking show was finished. I think I surprised us both when I kissed the top of his head and went to my room. I heard him leave about ten minutes later through the back patio way. I wondered how he locks that door from the outside. I’ll have to ask him. Within minutes, I was catching Zs. This morning, I woke to the smell of coffee. Confused, I got out of bed and saw a large coffee and a brown paper bag on my kitchen counter. I walked over to it and saw a note paper poking out from under the paper bag. I unfolded the paper and read to myself. Sorry I kept you up last night. I think you’ll need the coffee this morning. I got you a muffin to say thanks for breakfast yesterday. I’m smiling like an idiot. I fold the note and put it in my fruit bowl, then I get ready for work. *** Today is going to be a good day. I woke to the wonderful smell of coffee, had a delicious blueberry muffin for breakfast and tonight I’m going on a date with a hot guy. Eeek! I’m excited! I didn’t bother waxing my vajayjay. If I did, it would be as if I’m expecting to get laid tonight, and I’m not. Tonight is going to be two people getting to know each other. I feel like I’ve got the best of both worlds right now. Ghost is my newest friend and Cole is my hottie non-boyfriend.

After lunch, the girls cornered me to ask questions about tonight. Mimi starts with, “Who is this guy?” I answer, “His name is Cole Lewis. He’s thirty-two and a personal trainer. A total hottie.” Lola smiles. “Nice! Where’s he taking you?” I shrug. “I’m not sure. He just asked for my address so I’ll find out when he comes to get me.” Tina claps her hands together and loudly whispers, “He was a total hottie! Nik told me to stop staring but I couldn’t. He’s just…Wow! I hope it goes well tonight, hon.” Mimi frowns as she clarifies, “You don’t know where you’re going with someone you just met?” She shakes her head vigorously. “No. Not happening. You text all of us where you’re going as soon as you find out.” I move over to Meems, put an arm around her shoulder and try to soothe her doubts. “Hey, it’s okay. He doesn’t seem like a jerk or anything. Just the opposite, in fact.” Mimi shrugs my arm off her shoulder and retorts, “Yeah, well we’re not taking any chances. Omarr didn’t look like a psychopath either, but he had no problem kidnapping Tina and putting matching bullets in her and Nik.” She looks me in the eye and says sternly, “Did you forget they almost died?” My stomach dips. No. I hadn’t. I still see Tina’s small, limp body in that hospital bed. I find myself staring at the puckered scar under her collarbone and wondering what would have happened if she hadn’t made it. A chill spreads through me. It’s too horrific to imagine. Tina places her hand on Mimi’s arm. I decide now is not the time to argue and give in. “Okay, I’ll text you all as soon as I find out where I’m going on my date.” Mimi looks slightly mollified which pleases me. I’m trying to work Ghost into a conversation. When I can’t find an in, I blurt out, “Ghost spent the day with me yesterday.” All the girls still and blink at me as if I’d spoken another language. Tina’s eyes widen. “No. Freakin’. Way.” “And you’re just telling us now?” Mimi asks incredulously. Lola claps and cheers. “Hooray! We’re all friends again!” I breathe deep then explain what we spoke about on Saturday night and Ghost’s attempted burglary of my milk on Sunday morning. I tell them every small detail of our breakfast together, the vibrator conversation (which they all burst out laughing…some friends), the adventure to the grocery store and how we spent the evening watching TV

together. Then I explained we have to watch TV at my place because he doesn’t have one and all three of them gasp loudly and stare in disbelief. I know, right? Thank you! Not owning a TV is weird. I knew it wasn’t just me that thought so. Smiling, I play with a piece of paper on the counter and find myself admitting, “I had a really great time with him. He doesn’t talk without prompting, but I think I’m getting somewhere with him. He’s opening up to me.” I dip my chin and say a hushed, “I want to know him better.” After a long silence, I lift my head to find Tina, Lola and Mimi all smiling sweetly at me. Feeling awkward and exposed, I put on a big fake smile. “Can you guys help me find something to wear to my date?” Tina and Lola jump up and down excitedly and Mimi’s face softens as she quietly responds, “Of course, doll.” Phew. Quick save. *** The girls did a great job with my outfit considering we had no idea where Cole was taking me on our date. They’ve dressed me in a black and white long, flowing maxi-dress, a black cardigan and lace up ballet flats. I’ve applied minimal makeup and wear my hair flowing down my back. I somehow manage to look sweet in this outfit which is precisely what I need. Tonight is not a sexy-look night. Nervously tapping my foot, I check the time. 6:58pm. He’ll be here any minute! My stomach knots. Could I have imagined how hot Cole is? Ding Dong. I mouth “Eeek!” to myself. No time to think now, brain! Answer the damn door! I mentally count to three then open the door. Okay, so I didn’t imagine how hot Cole is. Hot damn. He looks fantastic. He’s dressed in jeans, a long sleeved tee and bright white sneakers. His black hair is in a spiked style and his blue eyes pop. I think I may have swallowed my tongue. “Wow. You look beautiful, Nat.” Then he hands me a single pink rose. Awww. He’s sweet! Flashing him a brilliant smile, I lean in and kiss his cheek. “You look very handsome, Cole.” I step back. “I’ll just grab my purse then we can go.” I go to my room, check myself

one last time, then grab my purse and head back to the front door. I stand in front of Cole and say, “We can go now. I’ll just lock up.” Cole stops me with a gentle hand on my arm. He leans forward and gazes at me through hooded eyes then runs a finger down my cheek. “I’ve been waiting two nights for this. I don’t think I can wait a second longer.” His thumb passes slowly over my bottom lip. My eyes flutter closed, I breathe deeply, and my middle tightens, causing me to flush. I feel Cole’s nose lightly brush mine and he whispers, “I want to kiss you, sunshine.” Without a moment’s thought, I close the short distance between us. I put my hand on his cheek and run my parted lips gently along his. My core moistens. I ache for his kiss. So much for going slow. He breathes me in, his arm coils around my waist and he pulls me into him so we’re front to front. We still haven’t kissed but this seems so much more intense than making out. We’re playing with each other. This is a dangerous game and I don’t know the rules. I grab fistfuls of the front of his tee. “Stop playing with me. Do it, Cole,” I beg hoarsely. He smirks, and it’s so beautiful that I want to lick him. He lowers his face and buries it into the side of my neck. God, that feels amazing. I’m becoming desperate for some form of connection. Any connection. And I make a very stupid decision. I run my hand down his chest, scraping my fingernails roughly along his ribs and stomach til I get to the zipper of his jeans. Before I know what’s happening, Cole lifts me in one fell swoop, steps into the apartment and kicks the door closed behind us. No! This isn’t supposed to be happening! Quiet, brain! We’re getting to the good part! He supports my booty with his forearms, and I run my fingertips gently down his cheeks as we search one another’s face. “Sofa,” I whisper. He walks over to the sofa with me wrapped around him. He sits carefully and I straddle him. I can feel his hard length through his jeans and it aligns perfectly with my sweet spot. My body moves of its own accord. I grind against him and moan. The friction is amazing. Cole’s eyes roll back and he groans. He grips my hips and mutters, “Baby. Mouth.” I lean down and kiss his lips once softly. Then I press harder against his lips, open my mouth a little and gently caress them with my tongue. He growls against my lips and it makes

me even wetter. His muscular arms curl around my lower and upper back and he holds me tight. He pulls away slightly and says, “I’ve never connected with someone like this before.” I answer honestly. “Me either.” We’re magnetic together and it astounds me. He pulls me down so my forehead touches his. “This is moving fast, don’t you think?” “Yeah, it really is. We should stop. Like, now.” I exhale and nod as I respond sullenly. He chuckles and gently caresses my cheek. “I’m glad you sound torn up about it, sunshine. I want to kiss that pout away though.” He pushes a stray hair behind my ear and suggests, “Why don’t we just order in?” Taking a moment to think about it, I toy with his collar and admit, “That does sound good.” He smiles, pulls me down to him and kisses me deeply. I’m lost. Cole’s kisses are addictive. After a minute, I pull away and chuckle. “I’d better get up or we’ll end up on here all night.” He sighs, gets up and very obviously adjusts his erection. I flush and giggle. He play frowns and murmurs, “Laugh it up, sunshine. If you don’t quit tempting me, I might just ravish you.” Was that meant to be a threat or a promise? Smiling, I move to the kitchen and remove all the takeout menus from the top of the fridge. We decide on pizza. Cole orders and I text the girls my whereabouts, then we sit back down on the sofa. It takes about thirty seconds before we’re all over each other again. Cole has somehow managed to position himself on top of me and the weight feels so good. I wrap my arms around his neck. He holds himself up on his forearms so he isn’t squishing me and places whisper-soft kisses on my lips. I can’t help but smile against his lips. He’s so gentle for such a big guy. My stomach dips when he strokes his fingertips along the side of my breast. Yes! Do it! I want more. Now. My hand skims his neck, moves down his broad chest and stomach til I reach the zipper of his jeans. Ding Dong. We both lift our heads and look to the door. Oh, you are freakin’ kidding me! Cole groans then chuckles and buries his face into my chest. Still chuckling, he says, “I think you better get that. If I answer the door like this, I’m going to scare someone.” This

comes out muffled. We both laugh and stand. Cole reaches into his pocket, hands me a fifty and I glare at it. Then I glare at him. He states, “If we went out, I would’ve paid for dinner anyway, so just pay the damn guy and get your sexy ass back here so we can pick up where we left off.” I blink. That is totally acceptable reasoning. I run to the door and Cole laughs. I open the door, throw the money at the stunned teenage delivery boy, snatch up the pizza then slam the door shut. I hear a muffled, “Th- thank you!” from the other side of the door. On a mission, I throw the pizza on the kitchen counter, walk towards Cole and ask. “How do you feel about cold pizza?” “Love it.” Cole replies on a smirk. I nod vigorously. “Me too.” I take his hand and lead him to my bedroom. I don’t plan on having sex with Cole tonight but figure if we’re going to make out, we may as well be somewhere comfortable. Once inside my room, I push him back onto my bed and straddle him. His arms wrap around my lower back. I lower my face to his and breathe him in. “This is crazy,” he whispers. I softly kiss his lips before I respond, “Batshit crazy.” He smirks and murmurs, “Insane in the membrane.” “Mad as a March hare.” I giggle. He chuckles. “One flew over the cuckoo’s nest.” We both burst into fits of laughter, so hard it shakes the bed. My heart swells. This is exactly how Tina and I joke. We can’t seem to stop. The both of us fight hilariously to get the last word in and usually take a huge detour from what we started talking about. I can’t seem to remove the idiotic smile on my face, but am slightly appeased when I see Cole wearing an identical idiotic smile. God, we’re dorks! Still smiling, I ask, “Where were we?” Cole squints and looks up as if thinking, then flips me fast as lightning onto my back. He lowers his face and kisses me slowly and meaningfully. He lifts his face, his expression serious. “I know sex is out of the question tonight. I wouldn’t even ask for it, babe. But there is something I want to do so badly that I think I might just die if you don’t let me.” My stomach flips. My serious expression matches his. “What exactly would that be?” I ask cautiously.

He kisses me again. Against my lips he murmurs, “I want to taste you.” My stomach drops. Right out of my vagina. With wide eyes, I choke out, “Okay.” What the fecking feck? I mentally argue with myself. Good me: I just agreed to let Cole do that? We don’t even know each other! Horny me: Oh, shut your pie hole! A super hottie hot guy wants to give you some serious pleasure! What’s the problem? Good me: Hmmm. I’m not sure, brain. Hold on. It’ll come to me. Nope. No problem! Toot toot! Horny me: Hooray! We miss this! Oh, we totally did. I haven’t been with anyone since Ghost. That was an age ago. It led to me believing I was pregnant with Ghost’s child, setting up a doctor’s appointment and finding out I have PCOS which is the abbreviated term for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It basically means I have cysts on my ovaries and uterus. My period was always irregular and I only went on the pill two years ago to regulate it. Even after a year of taking the pill my period didn’t normalize. I would only get spotting once every five to six months. Which I thought was awesome. I mean, c’mon! Who likes getting their period? Not me! The doctor ordered an ultrasound. I was expecting to hear a heartbeat. Not Umm’s and Ahh’s. When I saw the look on the doctor’s face, I knew it wasn’t good news. He talked a bit about PCOS and then explained to me the reason I wasn’t getting my periods was because I have cysts on top on cysts on my ovaries. My ovaries are so badly damaged and covered in scar tissue it’s very likely I won’t ever have my own children, and on the off chance I got pregnant, there would be no guarantee I’d carry full-term. The kind doctor took my hands in his, and as gently as possible told me I am a candidate for a hysterectomy. That was the point I broke down. Tina once offered to be a surrogate for me. I love her for that, but until I find someone I’m serious about, it’s not something I’ll even think about. I try not to get my hopes up about the children thing, but it’s something I’ve wanted since I was a little girl. I’d already planned my family and it would consist of me, a not-yet-named daddy, two sweet girls and one naughty boy. And two seriously ugly-cute pug dogs named Pizza and Donut. That’s my family.

At least, it was. Tina, Mimi and Lola all know about this. What they don’t know is just how seriously it cut me. And it cut me deep. The blade ran right through the heart, down my sternum and twisted in my gut. Although you can’t die from pain, this particular brand of pain makes you feel like you’re dying a very slow, tortured and excruciating death. My chest still aches when I think about it. Cole brings me back to reality. “Panties off, sunshine.” He reaches under my long skirt and runs his hands up my legs, takes hold of my panties and lowers them. I know I haven’t waxed, but if it’s what he wants, who am I to deny him? He leaves a trail of wet kisses up my leg and whispers against my inner thigh. “I’m gonna rock your world, sunshine.” He runs his nose gently up my folds and breathes me in. Pure sex. It’s dirty. I love it. My stomach and core tighten simultaneously. Then Cole proceeds to rock my world. Chapter Five Friends The next morning I wake with a start. What the heck? Where is that noise coming from? Buzz-buzz, buzz-buzz, buzz-buzz Is there a goddamn bee in my bed? The thought of a bee in my bed makes me jump up like a jack-in-the-box. So, here I stand on my bed, hardly awake and disorientated, mimicking a wrestling stance to fight a bee that I’m not one hundred percent sure exists. A frown forms on my face. Something’s wrong here. My eyes focus on the flashing light produced by my cell phone on my nightstand. I lower my grappling stance and hop off the bed. Squinting, I pick up my cell phone and check the time. It reads 6:24am. You’re freakin’ kidding me!

The person who just texted me obviously has a death wish. With a sigh, I open the offending text message and a surprised smile forms on my face when I see it’s from Cole. Last night was hot. So hot I thought we’d burn the sheets. Or, at least, I’d burn the sheets. He did exactly what he said he would. He rocked my world. Cole made sure of that. He licked me, sucked me and made out with my pussy til I was almost in tears. The ass wouldn’t let me come and was enjoying it thoroughly. Every time I hurled sex-induced abuse at him, he would chuckle. Then it finally happened. And angels sang. My legs shook, my core convulsed and I was spent. I fell into a sex coma. Cole let me be for a little while. I subconsciously heard shuffling feet and running water, then I was being wiped with something soft and warm. Still in an endorphin-filled daze, I could only smile. He scooped me up and walked me to the lounge room, placed me on the sofa and brought me the cold pizza. We ate in silence. Staring at each other and smiling like the idiots we are. When we finished eating, we sat wrapped up in each other, necking like a couple of teenagers. And even though it was cheesy, it was nice. So nice, I didn’t want him to go. During the remainder of the night, I mentally argued with myself. If oral sex was that great with Cole, the real thing would have to be spectacular. Maybe it would rival sex with Ghost. I hope it rivals sex with Ghost. I mentally sigh. Nothing rivals sex with Ghost. Before I knew it, it was close to midnight and Cole was getting ready to leave. Putting on the shirt I tore off him, and the shoes he took off to be more comfortable, I walked him to the door and pulled him down to place a chaste kiss on his full lips. This was obviously the wrong thing to do because he growled and pushed me up against the wall where he savagely kissed the hell out of me for another few minutes. He pulled away from me. I ran my fingers through his hair, cupped his cheeks and searched his face. He looked indecisive. So, naturally, I squeaked when he picked me up, forcing my legs to wrap around his waist, and carried me back to my room for round two. I smile at the memory. The second time, he let me come after ten minutes. Ten minutes of sweet torture. Attempting to leave a second time, I walked him back to the door but when I went to kiss him, he stopped me with a firm, “No.” I am really liking Cole. Cole the caveman. Cole the sweetheart. I like him both ways.

This brings us to now. I open the text message. My eyes widen and I flush before bursting into laughter. Cole: I figured it out. You taste like my grandmother’s blueberry pie. I respond immediately. Me: Holy shitballs, Cole! You can’t wake me up like that. You damn near gave me a heart attack. Cole: I thought I loved my grandmother’s blueberry pie til I tried yours. Flushing a bright red, my core begins to moisten. I’m getting hot and bothered, I type quickly. Me: You’re welcome to a slice anytime you like…but I’ll make you work for it. Cole: Fuck yeah, sunshine. Working for it is half the fun. Me: You’re making me hot. That’s not fair :( Cole: I’ll make it up to you if you let me see you tonight ;) My thoughts immediately drift to Ghost. The cooking show he likes is on tonight. I thought we’d stay in and watch. I begin arguing with myself. Why are you making Ghost a priority? I’m not making him a priority. He’s my friend. That’s what friends do. Think, girl. How much are you getting out of this friendship? Who’s getting the better end of the deal here? Fuck you, brain. You’re a bitter bitch. Ghost may not be great to me, but he isn’t bad to me. Don’t get hurt. Yeah, yeah. I’ll make sure of that. I sigh and text Cole. Me: Sorry, honey. Got plans with friends tonight. Maybe tomorrow? A few minutes pass and I’m suddenly worried that Cole is pissed with me. Cole: Sure thing, sunshine. Tomorrow. It’s a date. Relief washes over me. It’s not like I lied to him. I just didn’t tell him which friend I was hanging out with. Alone. In my apartment. All night. Hmmm. If the tables were turned and Cole was hanging out with some hot chick all night in his apartment, I’d be pissed. I decide that next time I see him I’ll explain that Ghost and I have a unique friendship and all will be okay. I hope. *** Today is dragging so much that I think I might just poke myself in the eye for fun.

Tina won’t be in today because Tatiana has a cold. That sucks balls. My heart aches for my little sweetheart. I hate it when kids get sick, especially young babies because there isn’t a lot you can do to help. Tina feels helpless which means I’m right there with her. So, today I am boss lady of Safira’s boutique. Luckily, Mimi and Lola are both working today, but it’s just my luck that things aren’t going well. Firstly, a shipment of clothes due to be on racks today has gone AWOL and, as per usual, the cuntish people at the post office are taking on a not my problem kind of approach. Secondly, I missed my lunch because there were too many people in the store and I couldn’t leave the girls to handle it on their own. Thirdly, every second person is throwing attitude my way, and every time someone speaks to me, my brain translates it to sound like blah, blah, fucking blah. It’s only a matter of time before I lose my shit and give someone a piece of my mind. I never said I was a good boss lady. The crowd dies down and my stomach rumbles. Loudly. Lola looks over at me with wide eyes. “What the heck was that?” Mimi answers from across the studio, never looking up from her clipboard. “She’s hungry. She didn’t have time to get lunch.” Lola looks stricken. “What the heck is wrong with you?” she yells and then slaps my shoulder. Mimi responds, still not looking over, “She’s the boss lady today. She can’t leave if there are more than ten people in the store. She couldn’t go then.” Mimi finally looks at me and smiles. “But she can leave now.” I smile my response. Lola grabs my purse and pushes me across the studio towards the front door. “Go on! Get!” I can’t help but laugh. I love these girls. “You guys want anything from Silvio’s?” At the same time, they both answer, “Cookie!” in a Cookie Monster voice. Chuckling at their silliness, I take my purse and walk down the street to Silvio’s sub shop. The man makes a sandwich like no one else. He actually cuts the meat right in front of you. The turkey is always fresh and moist. A sub by Silvio is to die for. Silvio is a sweet, mature Italian man. He’s balding, round, funny and barely speaks passable English. He spots me and pretends to have heart troubles by putting his hands on his chest and stumbling back. He smiles a cheeky smile and greets me with, “diavolo rosso dai capelli.” I’ve since learned this means Red-haired Devil. And I have to say, I like it. I smile my most charming smile and ask him, “What do you have fit for a Devil?”

Silvio lifts his head to the ceiling and belly laughs. With dancing eyes he replies, “You no devil. Too sweet for devil. Maybe angel?” Still smiling, I shake my head forlornly and tell him, “Wishful thinking, Silvio. We both know what I am. I can’t hide it.” He chuckles through his reply, “Sweet devil, one day you become angel. You see.” He goes about making my regular turkey sub and I look around the store. I do a double take when I see Ghost sitting in the corner booth frowning at his laptop screen. Silvio hands me my sub and two cookies. Without thinking, I go over to Ghost and sit right next to him. He scowls as he turns but as soon as he looks at me, his face softens a little. A sheepish smile forms on his face. “Sorry. Didn’t see you there.” Unwrapping my sub, I reply, “No shit, Sherlock. Why so glum? Porn not loading quick enough?” A look of confusion crosses his face. I nod to his laptop. He smirks and replies, “Sugar, what makes you think I need porn?” He leans back in the booth, places his hands behind his head and looks smug. “Club ladies throw themselves at me all the time.” I roll my eyes and pretend to choke on my sub. Chuckling, he goes back to his laptop, typing furiously. We sit in a comfortable silence and I finish up my sub with a moan. It’s a seriously good sub. If I had a hat, I’d take it off to Silvio. “I like that,” Ghost murmurs. Huh? I open my eyes from my food coma and look right into Ghost’s soft brown eyes. “Like what?” “When you-” Cutting himself off, he clears his throat and looks back to his laptop. “When women eat.” Laughter bursts out of me and I utter, “Then you should love me, Ash. There’s nothing better in the world than food. Why do you think I love Tina so much? The girl can bake!” Still looking at his laptop, Ghost mutters, “The girl can seriously bake.” My voice colored with humor. I take it one further. “The girl can bake the shit out of a cake.” Chuckling, Ghost one-ups me. “The girl can ice the fuck out of a cupcake.” We look at each other smiling like a couple of jerks and laugh. I hold my belly and say, “Oh shit. Tina got served and she doesn’t even know it.” Ghost’s smile fades and he says deadly serious, “Don’t tell her I was making fun of her. I love those cupcakes.” The thought of Ghost being scared that Tina would cut him off is hilarious! I laugh again but what Ghost says next wipes any form of mirth off of my face. “So, I heard moaning and

banging on the walls last night. I take it your date went well.” He doesn’t even look at me, just types away on his laptop. Unsure whether to tell him to mind his own fucking business or to defend myself, I decide being aloof is best. “Yeah, I guess you could say it went well.” Watching him closely, I see what seems to be anger cross his face, but he covers it quickly. “So, I guess I should get used to that, huh? Him spending the night?” Hold the fuck up. Say what now? Now I’m pissed. I reply heatedly, “First things first, dickwad, he didn’t spend the night. Secondly, whatever sexcapades I plan to take on are none of your fucking business. Thirdly, I wasn’t going to see him tonight so we could watch the baking show together, but now you can eat a dick.” I finish on a nod, and move to stand but he catches my hand and pulls me back into the booth to sit. He looks confused as he says, “Hey, now. I didn’t mean to sound rude. I was just making conversation.” Scoffing, I reply, “Yeah, right. You’re acting like I owe you an explanation or some shit, Ash.” Frowning, he murmurs, “You’re right. Sorry, pretty girl. It won’t happen again.” I love when he calls me pretty girl. The rat bastard. I look into his eyes. He looks upset at himself and genuinely sorry. I sigh and roll my eyes heavenward. “Okay. Good.” Warmth on my hand draws my gaze. I haven’t even realized he’s still holding my hand from when he pulled me back into the booth. His thumb softly rubs the back of my hand. When he sees me look down, he drops my hand like it’s hot and clears his throat. “So, we still watching TV tonight or did I just make things weird?” Try as I might, I can’t stop the grin that spreads across my face. “You are weird, Ash. A fucking weirdo. But yes, we’re still on tonight.” My grin transfers to his face. “Okay. See you later on.” Just as I slide out of the booth he says quietly, “Sorry about the weird thing.” He looks uncomfortable, almost embarrassed, as he continues, “I don’t really know how else to be.” My heart breaks for him. I want him to explain why he is the way he is, but even I know it’s too early in our friendship to ask him to explain himself. Suddenly, I feel protective of him. I look him right in the eyes and respond firmly, “I love that you’re weird. It makes you unique. I’ve never met anyone like you before, and I’m proud to have you as my friend, Ash.” Leaving him in shock, I turn on my heel and head back to work, face flushing as red as a neon sign. ***

I watch her ass sway as she strides away. Because she doesn’t walk ever, it’s not that simple with Nat. She strides. She creeps. She stalks. She glides. She’s like a fucking animal. An animal I want to tame. Every move she makes is calculated. She’s a walking wet dream. Sassy as hell. Have I seen her trip or be clumsy? Hell yes. And I laughed my ass off. Not that I’d ever tell her that. She’d kick my ass. I watch Safira’s over the CCTV most of the day. Even though I’m meant to be watching the store, I spend most of the time watching Nat.

What she said just a minute ago lingers. “I’m proud to have you as my friend, Ash.” I don’t hear that much. Proud. That word doesn’t usually get associated with me. It just doesn’t fit. Nik’s dad, Ilia, was the first person who ever told me he was proud of me. Nat is the second. In all my life. I’d love to say it didn’t affect me, but fuck, I’m puffing out my chest like a bullfrog. If I were to walk right now, I know it’d be a strut. She turned down a date tonight with the douchebag so we could watch TV together. I don’t know what to make of that. Maybe she was lying about how last night went to save face. You heard the moaning and groaning yourself. You saying she faked that? My lip curls. Thinking of Nat fucking some other guy makes me wanna go apeshit. I fucking hate this guy. I know I don’t know him, but something about him is off and I’m going to figure it out. Shady recognizes shady. And I’m shady as fuck. At least you’re the one spending the evening with her. Smirking, I go back to my laptop and continue working. My smirk vanishes when I realize she’s probably going to see him again tomorrow night. I need to get her out of my head. Time to call Tasha. *** Placing the tub of peanut buttercup ice-cream, spoons and sodas on the coffee table, I await my guest. I check the clock. 8:27pm. He’ll be here soon. I’ve showered and dressed in my regular outfit of pajamas and a tank top. While I wait, I open a soda and turn on the TV. I flick through but noise close to the front door draws my attention. I get up and walk closer to it. The muffled noise comes from Ghost’s apartment. Using the TV remote, I turn the volume down and creep over there. I know it’s wrong but I’m curious. “See, I told you I could be quiet.” That coming from a woman. Ghost chuckles then replies, “Yeah. Thanks for coming over, Tasha.” My stomach dips and my face heats. Tasha. The woman from that first night. I hear her smile through her speech. “Anytime. I was wondering if you’d ever call again after last time. I know it was awkward for you.” I want to punch that smile off her pretty face. Awkward for him? What about me? He responds, “Nah, that was nothing. Nat and I are friends. It’s all good.” Friends. That we are.

Then why are you getting pissed about this? Yeah. So, he’s fucking someone. Good for him. My face falls. I think I’m going to be sick. They say their goodbyes and I rush over to the sofa and park my butt with a plop. I turn up the volume on the TV and sip casually on my soda. The patio door slides open ten minutes later and Ghost walks in wearing his blue pajama pants and a white tee. His hair’s wet from the after-sex shower he just had. He focuses on my face then frowns. “Everything okay?” Not trusting myself to speak, I just nod then resume watching TV. He sits next to me and places his cold hand on my warm forehead. Concern flashes across his face and he mutters, “You’re burning up, babe.” I remove his hands from my face and explain quietly, “No. I’m not getting sick. I just get this way sometimes. Mostly, when I’m angry or upset.” Ghost’s body tightens like a bow. “If that asshole said something to you….” He looks accusingly at me. “What the fuck, Nat? I thought friends talk about this shit.” I lie through an easy smile, “No. It’s not that. I just- I- I miss my sisters. That’s all.” I look up into his face. He doesn’t look convinced, but lets it go with an equally fake smile. Who are we trying to fool? This’ll never work out. We were doomed before we even began.

Chapter Six When good guys go bad Last night with Nat was awkward as hell. It was weird because for the first time ever there was tension in the room with us while we watched TV, and I swear she smelt sex on me. I called Tasha yesterday afternoon and asked her if she would come by. I needed to give my never-ending erection a break, and the only way I could think of was finding a release. As usual, she was more than happy to oblige. So, sue me. I have needs as much as the next guy. The funny thing was that even though my body was into it, my brain wasn’t. Even though it was Tasha sucking my cock, I imagined it was Nat. Then having to spend the evening with her, all sorts of pissy girl emotions went through me. I felt guilty, like I’d done something wrong. I kept reminding myself that Nat was dating a fucking douchebag named Cole, and they’d got it on the day before, so why the fuck couldn’t I? “What the hell, man? You were pretty far away.” Max breaks my thoughts. I sigh and lean back in my chair. “Hey, bro. What’s up?” Max smirks his trademark smirk and I can’t help but grin right back. Something’s up. He starts, “Well, I got a date on Thursday night. Was kinda hoping you’d watch Ceecee for me.” My face falls. Well, shit. Incredulously, I choke out, “Me? I was your best fucking option?” Max winces but the truth comes out. “Everyone else is busy, man. And this chick…” He puts on his best I’m in love face. “Oh, this chick.” Shaking my head at his dramatics, I ask, “That good, huh?” Max rubs his hands together in a greedy way, eyes sparkling. He utters, “She better fucking be.” He resorts to begging. “Please, man. I’ll owe you big time.” My eyes roll and I remind him, “You owe me for the last five things I did for you too, remember?” He shrugs as if there’s no issue and exclaims, “You know I’m good for it!”

I mutter, “Yeah, yeah. Whatever, man. I’ll do it.” He looks like he might just man-hug me, so I raise my hands in warning. As Max backs away smiling like an idiot, he says, “I could kiss you right now! I mean, I won’t, but I could, dude. I owe you one.” More like six, knucklehead. With a wave of my hand, he leaves me in peace, so I continue to do what I’ve been doing all morning and watch Nat on the CCTV. I watch her fold clothes and greet customers. She’s so pretty when she smiles. I wish she’d do it more. Then I see something that turns my good mood to shit. I slap my hand down hard on the desk and glare at the screen. *** Tina’s still away from work. I spoke to her this morning and Tatiana’s fever broke, which is great, but she’s still really stuffy. My poor little angel is frustrated. I mean, c’mon, I would be too if I couldn’t breathe. Luckily, today has been an easy day. Serving customers and folding clothes have been my main job, and I gotta say, this makes me happy. I love an easy day as much as the next person. I hum and go about folding sweaters until hands cover my eyes and a deep voice in my ear says, “Guess who, sunshine.” A full-blown smile breaks out on my face and I squeak, “Cole!” He chuckles as I turn around. Smiling my head off, I slap his chest playfully and ask, “What are you doing here?” I narrow my eyes. “Are you stalking me?” He’s dressed in black sweats and a white workout tank, obviously having come from training with someone. He scratches his head as if thinking, then answers, “I came to buy myself a new sweater.” He picks up the one I just folded and puts it to his muscular chest. I burst out laughing. The sweater is white and a small size, against his broad chest it looks like a baby’s bib. “It might not fit though,” he admits dejectedly. His chuckles join mine and he pulls me into a warm bear hug. I wrap my arms around his toned waist, place my head on his firm chest and sigh happily. He whispers into my hair, “I missed you, sunshine. I couldn’t stay away.” I pull back and smile up at him. His eyes darken and his face turns serious. His hands move from my back, up my shoulders and into my hair. My breath catches. He holds my head steady and lowers his mouth to mine, planting a slow and sensual kiss on my lips. He pulls back a little and says hoarsely, “That’s a promise of what’s to come tonight.” Through hooded eyes, I gaze up at him and whisper back, “Yay. Can’t wait.” And I really can’t. Smiling a bright white smile, he lowers his gorgeous face to mine once more and kisses me deeply. Then he lets go of my hair, backs away and is out the door, all the while smirking and leaving me to my own thoughts.

What the heck was that? I shake my head as if trying to clear it and go back to folding clothes with a huge smile on my face. *** I spend an hour soaking in the tub when I get home from a great day at the store. Knowing that Cole will be here soon is doing funny, fluttery things to my belly. I haven’t felt this way about a guy in a long while. And secretly, I’m waiting for something to go wrong because, let’s be honest, I’m Natalie Kovac. It’s known by most of my friends in Cali, Tina included, that I have the worst taste in men. You name it, I’ve had it. Cheaters, a man with a foot fetish, men who like to role-play and let’s not forget the guy who wanted me to pee on him. Role-play is fine. I’m into role-play. It can be seriously hot. I do not, however, think it’s hot to want to do father-daughter incest role-play. Yuk! I still shudder at that one. I still don’t know what to make of this whole insta-relationship Cole and I have going on, but I know I did something today to cement where we are in this… this… thing. During my lunch break, I went over to see my friend Tanya at Bells and Whistles salon and got my hoohah waxed. So that pretty much means tonight Cole is going to get lucky. Excited much? Hell yeah! I’m getting the sex tonight! Smiling, I let out a mini whoop, stand up in the tub, rinse my body and step out. Time to get beautified. I apply my makeup a little more dramatic than normal, just a little darker around the eyes with soft pink lip gloss. I want Cole to notice I’ve made an effort. Not that he will. Sigh. Stupid men. Ever so carefully, I remove the tags off the brand new lingerie I bought, and slide the barely-there lace black and white panties up my legs. I put on the matching bra and check myself in the mirror. I can’t help the grin that forms. Not bad for the time I had to work with. I hop into a pair of tight jeans and finish my look off with a white see-through sweater. Actually, the very same sweater Cole was joking around with today. I look in the mirror once more and see my bra faintly through the sweater. Perfect. Ding Dong. Checking my watch, I smirk. He’s early, the eager beaver. I fluff my hair and apply some more gloss to my lips before heading barefoot to the door. I don’t wait this time; I open it

and smile big. He looks gorgeous, dressed in black jeans, a black long sleeved tee and his white sneakers. As soon as he smiles, I grip his shirt and pull him inside. It’s on. We’re all over each other like PB on J. I’ve been waiting for this all damn day. Frantically kissing and pulling at each other’s clothes, Cole manages to slip my sweater off me. I try to do the same to his shirt but it gets stuck around his head, and after a few seconds of pulling and getting nowhere, I burst out laughing. I hear Cole laughing too but can’t see his face which, of course, makes it funnier. I gasp through my laughter, double over and clutch my belly. He pulls himself free of the shirt and throws it to the side. The sight of that gorgeous toned body makes me sober. I get a total lady boner. My lady bits are way too happy. So happy it’s crying juicy tears. Fuck me, please! He picks me up and plops my butt down on the counter. He puts his hands on the edge and leans over me, forcing me to lean back and take his deliciously forceful kisses. I hold his face in my hands and give as good as I get. My back hits something and it starts falling. Cole tries to grab the fruit bowl but fruit flies everywhere. Laughing hard, Cole moves around the counter and behind me to pick up the apples and oranges from the floor. He comes back around to me, and immediately I know something’s wrong by the look on his face. What the feck? He holds a piece of paper in his large hands, a deadly expression on his face, his once warm eyes now colder than ice. I don’t know what it is he’s found, but my hands start sweating. Cole looks scary and I’m suddenly frightened. I make a move to slide off the counter but he pushes me back. Hard. My shoulder jars and my eyes widen in shock. He looks me in the eye and growls, “Want to explain this to me?” He flings the paper right in my face. What the fuck? Where has my sweet Cole gone? With trembling hands, I take the note and my stomach flips. Of all the damn notes he had to find, it had to be the one Ghost left when he brought me coffee that morning. I have to admit, it looks bad. Cole doesn’t wait for an answer. He snatches the note from my shaking hand and reads aloud in dead calm, “Sorry I kept you up last night. I think you’ll need the coffee this morning. I got you a muffin to say thanks for breakfast yesterday.” He nods slowly. “Looks like someone’s been a busy girl.” Oh shit! No! This is not how I planned my evening going. I planned an awesome evening of Cole, sex, sex and more sex. Maybe stopping in-between to eat, but definitely ending with more sex!

The expression Cole is wearing says I shouldn’t lie about this. So I don’t. I try my hardest to steady my voice. “Honey, Asher from next door doesn’t have a TV, so he comes over sometimes to watch with me. That’s what he meant by keeping me up. I swear Cole, it’s nothing to worry about. We’re friends, that’s all.” Cole looks at me through scorching eyes and answers through gritted teeth, “Don’t. Fucking. Lie. To. Me.” I pull myself back from him. Voice shaking, I tell him, “Cole, you’re scaring me.” He leans forward into the space I’ve created for myself and puts his nose to mine. He asks, “This is what you were doing last night, huh? He’s your friend? Yeah, right. How long have you been fucking him?” I choke out, “We’re not sleeping together.” He roars right in my face, “Don’t lie to me!” Spittle speckles my face and I flinch. Trembling hard, I whisper, “I’m not lying to you, Cole.” A deafening slap fills the room and before I register what’s happened, I’m lying on the floor with a pounding head, a throbbing eye and an aching wrist. Cole paces back and forth in my kitchen. He’s visibly upset. He runs a hand through his hair and whispers over and over again, “Fuck.” I may be hot-headed, but my father taught me a number of things in life. Pick your battles was one of the many important things he taught me. Sure I could use my badass boxing skills on him, but there’s no way I could knock him out, which would leave me with a very angry, unstable man. Not good. Cole is twice my size. If I try to fight him, I know I’ll end up badly injured or even dead, so I do what any person in my position would do. Using my feet, I slide myself as far away from him as possible. Distance is what I need right now. My vision blurs as tears fall freely down my cheeks. I start to hyperventilate. My chest tightens and I feel as though I’m going to faint. Cole stops in his tracks and looks over to me. His face has softened and he looks remorseful. He starts, “Sunshine, I-” But I cut him off on a hoarse whisper, “Please, Cole. Just go.” He places a hand on his hip and nods solemnly, agreeing. “Okay, I’ll go.” He walks over to me. I use my feet to push myself back but hit a wall. I whimper as he kneels down to me. He touches my cheek gently and says softly, “Look at what you made me do, sunshine.” I lift my face to look him in the eye. Is this fucker for real?

It’s hard but I restrain myself from clawing his eyes out. He smiles at me. “We’ll try this again tomorrow, okay?” His hands cup my cheeks and he lowers his gorgeous face to mine, kissing me gently. I don’t kiss him back. My mouth is lax and useless. This makes him angry. Using his thumb and forefinger, he holds my chin in his palm and grips my cheeks hard enough to make me yelp. His rage-filled glare bores into me. He demands, “Kiss me. Like you fucking mean it.” Who the hell is this man? I purse my quivering lips and he lowers his face to mine. I do my best at attempting to kiss him like I mean it. That’s actually quite hard to do when all you really want is to bite through his lip. Seeming satisfied, he pulls back and smiles at me. “That’s better, sunshine.” He sighs as he stands. “I’ll let myself out. You think about what you’ve done. I don’t want a repeat of this tomorrow.” Never taking my eyes off him, I watch as he opens the door, turns to me smiling, blows me a kiss and shuts the door behind him. The realization that something super bad just happened in my home hits me and I scramble to stand. I steady myself as much as possible and shuffle on wobbly legs to the front door. I lock the dead bolt and chain with shaking hands. Unable to think about anything else right now, I send a text message to Tina. Me: Hey, Sorry for the late notice but I’ve got the flu! I’m alternating sweating like a pig and freezing my ass off so I won’t be in tomorrow. I re-read this message about ten times before I’m satisfied it sounds like me and press send. A few minutes later, I hear my phone ping. Tina: Oh honey! I hope Tatiana didn’t get you sick! :( Of course, take as much time as you need. Cecelia is watching her tomorrow so I’m back in. Want me to send anything over for you? The thought of her seeing me like this is enough to make me burst into tears. I’ve always been the strong one. I couldn’t bear for Tina to see me like this. I compose myself enough to write a reply. Me: Thanks, babe. I have everything I need right here. Love you. I’ll let you know how I’m feeling tomorrow afternoon. Tina: Okay, honey. Feel better. We love you too! Xx There’s only one person I trust to help me in this situation. *** Rather than stay at home to hear the concerto of sex coming from Nat’s apartment, I decide to hang out with the guys. It a long time coming, but we’re finally having a Trick intervention.

“Things are looking like they’re pretty serious with Lola. You know you gotta tell her soon, man. She thinks you’re not into her anymore.” Nik directs this to Trick. Trick responds without heart, “I know, bro. I know. I just don’t know how.” Trick, for lack of a better term, looks like shit. He’s a fraction of the man he was a year ago. With bags under his eyes and his constant bad mood, anyone could tell something was up with him. “Just be straight with her. She loves you. She’d help out. You know she would,” Max says. Trick scoffs, “I know she would, Max! The question is why should she have to? I want her more than anything, but I can’t commit to her without her knowing what comes with having a relationship with me. It’s not too late. She’s young. She can find someone who doesn’t carry a shitload of headaches with them.” I shake my head and try to reason with him. “You can’t decide for her, Trick. You should just lay it out and let her make a choice.” Trick rests his elbows on his knees and covers his mouth with his hands. He looks defeated. If there was any way I could help him, I would, but this isn’t something I can help with. Trick runs his hands down his face and responds quietly, “What if she leaves me?” I look around at the guys. No one says a thing so Trick continues, “This has been the hardest time of my life. Even worse than losing my dad. If I lose Lola, I don’t know what I’ll do.” I reach out and grip his shoulder. “You’re gonna lose her if you don’t tell her, regardless. She already thinks you’re keeping secrets, bro.” Nik tells him, “You know mom and the girls will help as much as they can. We’re family. We’ll do anything we can do to help out.” My phone is on silent but it vibrates in my pocket. I check the display. My eyes widen in disbelief. What the hell? I check the text message and my blood runs cold. Nat: Can you please come home? Something’s wrong. Chapter Seven We are sisters of the Kovac convent

Knock-knock-knock “Who is it?” I ask hoarsely. Holy crap! Is that my voice? I sound like a fifty-year-old devoted smoker! Ghost replies firmly, “Open the damn door, Nat.” My stomach drops and my palms sweat. I really don’t want him to see me like this, but I don’t really have a choice. It’s either him or Tina, and there’s no way I’d let Tina see me like this. With shaking hands, I unlock the front door and open it a few inches. Hiding most of my face, I say quietly, “You can’t freak out, okay?” He rolls his eyes heavenward and sighs but nods his head. I turn my face away from him and open the door fully for him to follow me inside. I hear the door shut softly. Ghost asks, “What’s the problem, Nat?” With my back still to him I whisper again, “You can’t freak out, okay?” Silence. Then he answers softly, “Okay, pretty girl. I promise. Now tell me what’s wrong.” I take a deep breath to steady myself, close my eyes and turn to face him. His eyes widen before flashing in anger and he steps away from me. His breathing intensifies and he balls his fists by his side. I understand his reaction. I saw myself in the bathroom mirror. In the past half hour, my eye has swollen shut and my bottom lip has puffed to double its size. My cheeks have purple bruises from where Cole pinched my cheeks together to make me kiss him. My wrist has also swollen quite a bit and is too sore to move. Ghost swallows hard before backing further away from me, jaw set and eyes full of hate. Through gritted teeth, he whispers, “Be right back.” He walks backwards through the door leaving me feeling confused and so lonely. A muffled roar shakes me. “FUCK!” When I hear the distinct sounds of things being thrown around hard and glass breaking next door, tension fills my chest, making it hard to breathe, and tears blur my vision. Blood roars through my ears. Lifting a hand to my chest, I walk backwards til I hit wall and slide my sore, tender body down to the floor. Overcome by immense sadness, I cover my face with my hands and sob silently. Someone just put their hands on me in anger. I never thought I’d be one of those women. And that really fucking sucks. Strong arms come under my knees and arms. I’m being carefully lifted into a hard body. I gasp, then moan as pain throbs throughout my entire body. Even my nails are sore. I didn’t know a person could get sore nails.

“I’m sorry, pretty girl. I don’t really know how to do this without hurting you. I promise I’ll be as gentle as I can,” he says softly. Ghost lays me down on my bed, careful to not touch me anywhere he doesn’t have to. He asks, “Can you open your good eye for me, pretty girl?” Every time I open it, it flutters closed. Ghost uses his fingertips to gently pry it open and gets enough of a look to make a judgment call. He quietly explains, “I don’t think you’re concussed. I’ve seen enough to know, but I’m not taking any chances with you. I don’t want to move you right now and cause you any unnecessary pain, so what I’ll do is sleep on the sofa and wake you every hour just to be sure.” So tired. I want to sleep and just as I start dozing, Ghost props me up. I open my good eye up as much as possible. Ghost has a bottle of water and some Tylenol. Wearing an obvious expression of concern, he pops two of the pills into my mouth then lifts the water so I can drink. “I’m sorry, girl. I’d love to give you something stronger, but that’s all I can give you til I’m sure you’re not concussed. Try to stay awake for me, okay?” I swallow the pill and even that’s hard. My head swims. My ears throb. There’s no way I can force myself to stay awake. On a weak whisper, I reply, “I don’t think I can, Ash. So tired.” I’m fading fast. He sits with his back to my bed’s headboard, pulling me into his body. Wrapping his arms gently across my waist, he tells me, “The adrenaline has worn off, that’s why you feel so tired, girl. Stay with me. Tell me what you did today.” I sink into his chest but wince when his chin touches the bump on the back of my head. Ghost stiffens before moving my body forward and gently touching the egg-shaped bump on the back of my head. Confused, he mutters to himself, “What the hell?” He gently pulls me back into him, rubbing my upper arms with his large hands. His lips touch the outer shell of my ear and he whispers, “Tell me what happened, girl. From the start.” So I do. I slowly and quietly tell him how I was pretty excited about Cole coming over tonight. How he came to see me at work today and everything was fine. How I spent hours getting myself ready for him and that he lost it when he found the note in my fruit bowl. I explain that he slapped me so hard I fell off the kitchen counter, banging my head on the floor and spraining my wrist. During the time I explain this, Ghost’s body has become strung so tight I’m afraid he’ll take off like a rocket. Obviously confused, Ghost asks, “Why would he get upset about a note?” Without thinking I tell him, “It was the note you left when you brought me coffee that morning. He thought I was fucking you.” My heart aches and I breathe in a shuddering

breath. “He just wouldn’t listen to me. I told him over and over that it was all a misunderstanding. It was like he was possessed, Ash. He just lost it.” The tears I try to hold in escape, trailing down my cheeks. I whisper, “I was really scared, Ash. I thought I was a goner.” Ghost rocks me gently and kisses my cheek softly. He states, “No one’s gonna hurt you ever again. I promise, pretty girl.” And even though I shouldn’t, I believe him. Some of the tension in me fades as I take in the warmth of his body. I beg on a childlike whisper, “Don’t leave me, okay?” Silence. Then, “I won’t leave you, baby.” *** The next morning, I’m surprised as fuck when I actually don’t feel too bad. I slide out of my empty bed to find Ghost on the sofa sound asleep. He looks angelic in a devilish way. God, the man is a hottie. I’ll give him that. Smiling, I walk over to the sofa, reach down to the ground and pick up the blanket. I unfold it and gently place it over him. My heart swells thinking about how gentle he was last night and how protective he was over me. Without thinking, I lower my face to his to place a gentle kiss on his forehead. Just as my lips are about to touch his forehead, he opens his eyes wide and lifts his head suddenly, head-butting me. We both groan and I hold my forehead in my hands. At the same time we both say through our groans, “What the fuck?” Still groaning, I open my good eye and look over at him. He glances around my apartment looking so damn confused, his face holds a where am I expression. I can’t help it, I burst out laughing. His lips twitch as he says, “Well, good morning to you too.” Still chuckling, I catch his cheeks in my hands and lower my face to his. Smacking his forehead, cheeks and nose with kisses, saying sarcastically, “Here’s your good morning!” Ghost leans his head back and belly laughs. He catches my hands, careful of my sore wrist, and pulls me to sit on his belly. His eyes search me for a moment. His smiling face darkens a little. “Your face isn’t so swollen today. There’s a little bruising on your cheeks and your eye is still semi-closed over, but your lip isn’t puffy anymore. How are you feeling today?” Sick of feeling like a victim, I smile big and joke, “Good enough to fuck your mother.” He lifts his brow and stares at me. I roll my eyes and yell, “Oh, come on! You’ve never seen Super Troopers?” He doesn’t reply, just lifts his brow further. I tell him, “Now you’ve done it. That’s next on our to-watch list. You’ll laugh your ass off.” Still holding my hands, he snaps, “Stop it. Tell me how you feel. It’s important.”

Biting my bottom lip, I nod and utter quietly, “You wanna know how I feel, Ash? I feel like some guy I was dating beat the shit outta me.” I look him right in the eye and see his face soften. He reaches up and brushes his thumb over my bruised cheek. “I won’t be a victim. If I let this run my life, I become a victim. Nuh uh. Not happening. My parents taught me and my sisters better than that.” When I mention my sisters, Ghost’s body stiffens and his face morphs into an expression of shock. He sits up and rubs his hands down his face saying, “Oh fuck! Fuck me! Oh shit! I forgot!” I move to stand but he pulls his arms around my waist and looks me in the eye. His face is almost apologetic and he rambles, “I fucking forgot! And it’s today! Fuck, Nat! Oh God…” Ding Dong Confused as hell, I look from Ghost to the front door then back to Ghost as he continues to ramble. “I did it because I thought you needed it! You missed ‘em! Just remember this came from a good place and- and don’t punch me!” I stand, walk over to my front door and check the peephole. My mouth rounds in shock and I look over at Ghost giving him my best what the fuck expression. He stands, shrugs and shoots me a remorseful look. Not given a choice, I open the door to my sisters. Helena and Nina stand there with open arms and matching wide smiles as they yell excitedly, “Surprise!” When they both see my face they gasp in shock. Not surprising. Just as I begin to explain what happened Helena runs past me over to Ghost yelling, “I’ll fucking kill you!” Before I have a chance to tell her to stop, Nina runs past me and Helena to a now wide-eyed Ghost. She pushes him so hard he falls back onto my coffee table with an Ooomph! Crack-Snap-Smash Wood splinters fly everywhere. Like watching an episode of WWE wrestling, the table breaks into small pieces with Ghost lying in the middle of it. Nina straddles his waist, punching his face and shrieking, “No one touches my sister!” Ghost does his best to cover his face, but she gets a few good ones in. Well, this day just turned to shit. Surprise, indeed! Helena, not being one to let Nina have all the fun, looks around for a weapon. She spots my purse on the kitchen counter, grabs it and walks around the pieces of coffee table to Ghost’s head. She lifts my large and heavy purse as high as she can and slams it into his face. Ghost’s arms fall to his sides and his legs stop moving. I gasp, and for a moment, I’m worried she killed him until he groans long and low.

Well, that escalated quickly. This has gone too far. I screech, “Stop it! It wasn’t him! Stop it!” Running around the pieces of my coffee table to Ghost, I push my older sister off him, kneel by his face and lift my purse off him. I cringe at the sight of his bleeding nose. I cup his cheek and ask quietly, “Are you okay?” Ghost smiles, his teeth stained with blood, and chuckles, “That was fucking awesome.” My shoulders slump in relief, and I puff out the breath I hadn’t even known I was holding. Unable to suppress my laughter, I chuckle with him. “I told you. My sisters are the bomb.” I help him to his feet and admonish my awesome sisters. “What do you have to say for yourselves?” They stand there like a couple of petulant kids. Looking to the floor and shuffling their feet, they mutter, “Sorry.” Ghost chuckles some more, and limps over to my refrigerator and opens the freezer. He pulls out a bag of frozen peas and plops it on his face with a small wince. Nina and Helena’s faces drop and Nina asks, “So, what the fuck happened?” I roll my eyes and run my hands down my still-sore face. Here we go again. *** I spend about half hour explaining to my sisters what happened with Cole. And, not surprisingly, they went from hating Ghost to loving him in a matter of seconds. They both hugged his rigid body, completely ignoring his wide eyes and obvious discomfort, and then did what Croats do best. They apologized with food. I informed my two would-be bodyguards that beating the fuck out of my hero was somewhat of a faux pas and they needed to make it right. So they cooked and baked all day and told Ghost that morning that if he didn’t come to dinner, they would find him. Realizing this was not an empty threat, a wide-eyed Ghost told them he’d be back around six. I sit on the sofa resting while they redecorate my kitchen in the worst kind of way and we chat. Nina starts, “So this Cole guy just lost it over a goddamn note?” I nod slowly. With a scrunched face she goes on, “Totally cuckoo bananas? Like, Boom! Shit flying everywhere psycho?” I nod again and she shakes her head slowly, her blonde hair bobbing, and mutters, “Figures.” Helena stills before jumping to my defense. “What the heck is that supposed to mean, ho?”

Nina turns to Helena with her hands raised and explains, “I’m just saying that Nat doesn’t have the best taste in men.” Helena pokes her in the shoulder and retorts, “Well, hell! That’s not her fault. She’s freaking awesome. It’s the guys that are nuts, not her.” Nina’s face becomes heated and she begins to say something but stops and touches Helena’s black hair. She tuts and says, “How long has it been since you colored?” Helena attempts to answer, but Nina cuts her off. “I hate store color. How many times have I told you not to use store color?” Nina looks over at me. “How many times have I told her not to use store color?” I open my mouth to answer, but she cuts me off with a frustrated, “Too many times!” Helena and I look at each other and burst out laughing. Nina is certainly a force. She takes pride in her work as a hairdresser and hates when Helena and I don’t do our hair when she deems it’s time to. Nina ignores our laughter and mutters to herself, “Find a place that sells color.” She looks towards the pile of wood in the corner of the room. “And a coffee table.” Blowing out a frustrated breath, I beg, “Can we please talk about something else? I’m sick of hearing about asshole Cole.” Nina smirks and goes back to cooking. Helena chuckles. “Asshole. Cole. That rhymes!” I throw a smile her way and ask, “How goes the studies?” She pulls her hair out of her face and makes a gross face. I love my sisters so much. This is exactly what I needed. I’ll have to thank Ghost later on. She scrunches her nose. “One more year. Just one more year and I’ll be a physical therapist.” Nina and I whoop and clap. Helena is the smart one out of us girls, but she’s school smart. Nina and I, you could say we’re street smart. You see, Nina decided when she was fifteen that she’d had enough of school. Without telling mom and dad, she got a job at a local salon sweeping floors and watching the hairdressers as closely as possible. She fell in love with everything hair. In total Nina fashion, she came home from school with permission slips for mom and dad to sign that would allow her to quit school and basically did a song and dance about the benefits of hairdressing and how having a hairdresser in the family would be great for all our relatives. An hour later, she had my parents, hook, line and sinker. Nina is a go-getter, always has been. She now owns an extremely popular salon in Cali. So popular, you have to book a month in advance and there are strictly no walk-ins. Thinking of their success puts a huge smile on my face. I’m so proud of them. “Well?” Helena breaks my thoughts. My brow scrunches. “Well, what?”

She looks annoyed as she repeats herself, “Casper. Poltergeist. Ghost. Have you fucked him again?” At this, Nina stops what she’s doing and looks over at me with a cheeky grin. I scoff and put on my best hoochy imitation. “First things first, sistah, you don’t fuck Ghost.” Both of my sisters lean closer as if we’re trading inside information. I point my finger to enunciate each word and go on, “He fucks you.” I grin at the memory of that steamy night. Bent over a conference room table, I shudder in delight. We didn’t even see each other naked. I still had my dress on and he still had his clothes on, he just ripped my panties and undid his jeans and It. Was. On. Yummy. I sigh dreamily. “And it is something else altogether. It’s like he reaches into your head, takes your control and sets it alight. Gone.” Still grinning, I finish with, “It was unbelievable.” If my sisters were to grin any wider, they’d both split right down the middle. They go back to cooking and leave me to my thoughts. I sigh once more. I really do have the worst taste in men. Chapter Eight Just dinner with the family Standing in front of Nat’s apartment door listening to the sounds of the girls laughing, makes me want to sneak away like a little bitch. I feel bad, like I’m intruding on their family time. Unsure whether to knock or run, I stand at the door, rubbing the back of my neck in restlessness. Having to go to work today with a swollen nose was bad enough. Having to tell the guys how my nose got swollen was even worse. Then having to explain what happened to Nat

last night to them…that was just…not good. I had to make them swear not to tell the girls. She’ll tell them when she’s good and ready. I had a what the fuck moment when Trick took it the worst. He was ready to knock skulls. If I’m being honest, I think his home situation has him spoiling for a fight. Nik became very distant and was pretty damn upset. And Max…he was shattered. So much so that he cancelled his hot date. Nat is his buddy. They’re good friends. I could do without having to watch ‘em flirt all the time, but I know their friendship is just that. A good friendship. When the girls find out, though…shit is gonna hit the fan. Nat told me she doesn’t want to press charges. That she just wants to move on. And I get it. I do. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to make this guy wish he was never born. Cole Lewis is going to beg for death before I’m through with him. The door opens suddenly and I see Helena’s smiling face. She doesn’t greet me, just grabs my arm and pulls me in. The conversations between the girls doesn’t dim now that I’m here, they just talk around me. And it surprises the shit outta me that I don’t want to leave now that I’m here. Nat’s voice is already soothing me. Being around Nina and Helena is like being around Nat, times three. I like it. They’re all the same. Their looks, voice and personality. It’s cool. I can’t help the smirk that crosses my face. Three of Nat. Jeez. One is more than enough. Nat catches my smirk, stops talking and looks over at me. She wears a questioning glance, but I just smirk and shrug. She narrows her eyes at me but continues her conversation. Next thing I know, I’m led to the dining table and being seated. Each of the girls brings over dishes of food. My brow creases and I look around the apartment for the additional guests I assume are coming. There’s no fucking way they cooked all this food just for the four of us. There’s enough to feed fifteen people! I sit across from Nat and take her in while she chats to Helena. Her eye’s swelling has lessened even more and she looks in good spirits. Her flaming red hair looks newly colored and cut, as does Helena’s. They must’ve had a girls’ spa day. I search her face for some sign of distress but I can’t see any. Her beautiful green eyes are bright and sparkling, her cheeks are flushed from laughter and her full lips are pink and delicious. She’s not wearing makeup and, somehow, it’s turning me on. Does she look this fresh when she wakes up in the morning?

My semi-erection swells. I’m so fucking ashamed of myself. The girl just got attacked by the guy she was dating, and I’m thinking about her in my bed. Fuck me. I’m an asshole. Yeah, I really am. *** I look across the table at Ghost and my lady bits flutter happily. The man’s hotter than Hell, that’s for sure. Wearing black jeans, a tight white long-sleeved tee and steel-capped boots, sigh, he looks gorgeous. Looking closely at him makes me wonder what I ever saw in Cole. When my eyes reach his, I freeze. His soft brown eyes have darkened to almost black. He’s looking at me like I’m dinner. And he’s very hungry. My mouth becomes drier than the Sahara and my cheeks heat. I dip my head to avoid his intense stare. After a moment of hiding my body’s betraying flush, I sneak another peek at him. My lady boner deflates when I see he’s not staring at me anymore, just listening to my sisters’ jibber jabber. Damn. Could’ve really used the ego boost right now. I watch in amusement as my sisters load up Ghost’s plate with food. It’s seriously a smallish mountain and his look of astonishment is freakin’ hilarious. I chuckle, shaking my head. Nina and Helena will be pissed if he doesn’t eat what they’ve put on there for him. A smiling Nina tells him, “Once you eat your dinner, we’ve got Krempita for dessert. You’ll love it. It’s like a vanilla pudding slice. There’s pastry on the top and bottom, and the middle is this thick, smooth pudding. So yummy.” Helena and I look at each other and yell out, “Yummeh!” I bite my lip to stop myself from bursting into laughter. Ghost looks like he’s having trouble digesting the fact that Nina just told him to eat his dinner like a good little boy but quietly responds, “Thank you. This all looks delicious.” We watch him like the hawks we are, and he starts with a small bite of the peas and rice Helena made. Helena tells him, “That’s called Rizi Bizi.” And Ghost almost chokes on his food. I smile. The pronunciation is funny, okay! Every time he samples a dish, one of my sisters explains what it is and who taught them to cook it. Now, I don’t wanna blow my own whistle, but I’m a damn good cook and it makes me a little sad that nothing going into Ghost’s belly is something I made. The guy took care of me last night and I haven’t given him anything to say thank you. I could’ve at least made the damn cake! Now that I think about it, I don’t think I even said the words thank you to him.

I suddenly feel lower than scum and abruptly lose my appetite. I keep my head lowered in shame, pick at the things on my plate and listen to my sisters have one-sided conversations with Ghost. Everyone has finished eating and I’m surprised to see that Ghost cleaned his plate. I get up to collect the dishes, but when I pass him, I feel the urge to do something ultra-cheesy and too familiar. I hesitate but my hand has a mind of its own. Running my fingers through his longish, ashy colored hair I ask, “Good?” He looks sated and stupid happy. Smiling a small smile with eyes half-mast like he’s falling into a food coma, he responds with a happy grunt. I run my fingers through his hair again and tell him quietly, “You need a haircut.” Still running my fingers through his hair, he closes his eyes in bliss. He exhales through his reply, “I hate getting it cut, they never do it how I want it.” Okay, so I’m secretly overjoyed that I’m doing something he seems to like. Not that I’d ever tell the ass that. Not that I’d ever tell anyone that. I massage his scalp for a few minutes, place a small kiss atop his head when I’m done, then take the dishes over to the sink. I cut the cake and bring slices of it over to everyone. My sisters have moved over to the sofa, happily chatting, eating and watching TV. I don’t know where it comes from, but I suddenly feel a little naughty. Smiling a saucy smile, I sit next to Ghost. So close that our thighs are pressed together. He leans back and narrows his eyes in a what are you doing sort of way. I widen my eyes innocently, shrug and pick up his plate of pudding slice. Using his fork, I cut off a small piece and place it in my mouth. His eyes flash and focus on my mouth. The taste hits me like a tornado. Sweet and smooth. Absolutely delicious. My eyes flutter shut and I moan low and long. I chew slowly and swallow. I open my eyes and look straight into his heated stare. I whisper hoarsely, “You have to try this. It’s better than sex.” Cutting another small piece, I move the fork over to his slightly parted mouth and say, “Open.” He does, ever so slightly, and I place the cake into his mouth. His hooded gaze never leaves mine. His lips close over the fork and I slowly drag it out of his mouth. I smile, and although he doesn’t smile back, his eyes do. And my core jolts. His eyes close in bliss as he slowly chews. When he swallows, his eyes open and he leans forward, right in my face and grins most charmingly. “You’re right. Damn good, but not better than sex.” The tip of his nose almost touches mine. I successfully hide my shudder and close my eyes. He states, “Not sex with you anyways.”

And just like that, I’m burning up. Holy crap, that’s hot! I thought I was in charge here, but damn! He just turned those tables on me. And I like that. I normally hate when people gain the upper hand, but with Ghost, it’s almost like I trust him in that position. I don’t do trust very easily. And though I don’t know that he wouldn’t hurt me, I know he wouldn’t hurt me. I’m a firm believer in trusting your gut and what never felt right before, suddenly feels right now. I want him. I want him bad. I’m suddenly speechless. I’m never speechless! There’s always some witty, smartass, acid remark on the tip of my tongue. The tip of my tongue currently has a sign on it saying Rubbin’ one out. Be back in five. Just as I think of something witty to say, Nina is by my side. She grabs hold of Ghost’s hand and firmly says, “Up.” He narrows his eyes at her suspiciously but he stands. She leads him over to a single chair in the middle of my apartment and pushes him to sit. Oh, dear God. I know what she’s doing and I can’t stop the chuckle from breaking free. Poor guy never stood a chance. Once his butt hits the chair, he raises a finger and opens his mouth to say something, but she cuts him off with a swish of her hairdresser’s cape. Tightening the cape around his neck, Ghost swallows hard and suddenly looks very worried. Before he can say another word, his eyes are forced shut as she sprays his hair with water and combs it through. She walks around him and mutters things like “too damn long” and “what to do, what to do”. Her eyes brighten and she smiles. She combs and cuts at his thickish hair for only a few minutes before she clips the sides of his head. It doesn’t look very appealing right now, but Nina has a way of making things work. She puts down the clippers and uses the thinning scissors on what’s left of his hair. Seeming satisfied with the results, she removes the cape but tells him not to move. I shoot him an apologetic look and shrug. He narrows his eyes at me like this is somehow my fault. I raise my hands in an I didn’t do anything motion and chuckle. Nina comes back with a tub of goopy wax and takes him into the bathroom. I hear her explaining to him how to use it to style his new do when the doorbell rings. Still smiling I head over to the door and answer it. As soon as I pull the door open, my blood runs cold. This seems like an appropriate reaction because there stands Cole wearing an easy smile, holding a giant bouquet of pink roses. I’m petrified. I literally can’t move. My hands sweat. I lock my knees to stop them shaking and whisper, “Cole.”

His eyes are rueful and he sighs, “Sorry I’m late, sunshine.” He nods to the flowers. “I had to get something special for my girl.” He has the audacity to wink at me, and I suddenly want to pour hot tar over his head and throw a bucket of feathers over him. Immediately Helena is by my side and asks cautiously, “Who are you?” He smiles his devastatingly sexy smile, “I’m Cole. And by the looks of you, I’m going to take a stab and say you’re Nat’s sister.” Nina comes out of nowhere, standing on my other side, flanking me and holding her extremely sharp hairdressing scissors. She shoots him a look of disbelief then spits, “The only thing that’s going to get stabbed is you if you don’t leave right this second. I can’t believe you have the nerve to come back here after what you did to my sister, carrying a bunch of flowers, no less.” Coles smile vanishes and the cruel I saw in him last night re-emerges. The flowers he holds drop to his side, his eyes narrow at Nina and he spits, “Mind your fucking business, bitch.” Helena takes hold of my hand and very calmly tells him, “You need to stay away from my sister. So please leave. Now.” My throat clogs and my vision blurs with unshed tears. Just as I open my mouth to tell Cole to leave someone cuts me off. “Girls, get in the bedroom. Now.” Well, today just got real interesting. *** Rage coils tightly in my gut like a snake ready to attack its prey. Cole glances at me and smiles. Definitely not a how you doing smile, more like a I’m going to enjoy gutting you kind of smile. The girls haven’t moved. This is not a fucking joke. It pisses me off. I boom, “Girls, now!” Helena gently leads Nat backwards by the hand and walks her down to her room. I walk to stand behind Nina who stares up at Cole like she would take immense pleasure in cutting off his dick. I know how she feels. I place a gentle hand on her shoulder and whisper in her ear, “She needs you.” Thank fuck that works. After a few more seconds of staring, she backs away. Once I hear the bedroom door close, I suggest, “Maybe you should leave before someone has an accident.” Cole, being the big tough guy he is, gloats, “Just coz I got the girl you want.” He tuts. “She don’t want you, man. Back off. Leave her to a real man.” I step closer to him, my voice perfectly calm, “Let’s talk outside.”

He narrows his eyes at me in suspicion but backs into the hall. I follow him out and shut the door behind me. I smile the most fake, friendly smile I can and hold my hand out to him to shake. He looks confused but takes my hand. Big. Fucking. Mistake. Quick as a flash, I flip him onto his stomach, twisting his arm behind his back at an awkward and unnatural angle. I dig my knee into his side knowing the pressure in his kidney will be excruciating in just a moment. This guy is shorter than me but has more muscle. Muscle can be good, if you know how to use it. Cole clearly doesn’t. I lean forward, digging my knee further into his side. He groans loudly and I hiss into his ear, “You will stay away from Nat. I won’t tell you again. Don’t fuck with me, Cole. You have no idea what I’m capable of.” Using my knee to balance myself, I use my free hand to take a piece of paper out of my back pocket. I open it up and read, “Cole Taylor Lewis. Prescription medication: Antipsychotic, antipsychotic, antidepressant, antipsychotic and more antidepressants. Five-year stint in juvenile hall for attempted rape and assault on a minor. Assault charges up the wazoo.” It’s my turn to tut. “Cole, Cole, Cole. You’ve been a busy guy, huh? Well, lucky for you, your life lost some of its busy because you’re not seeing Nat anymore. Get me?” Cole hisses through a groan, “You don’t make decisions for her! She’s my girl!” I nod solemnly and tell him, “No. I don’t make decisions for her. But I’m making one for you. You know what happens if I talk her into pressing charges against you. Which I can. I’m her friend and she trusts me.” Cole barks a harsh laugh, “With what? You got no evidence, man.” I take out my phone and open the gallery with the twenty photos I took of Nat’s swollen, bruised face after she passed out. I put it in front of his face and his body stills. Yeah, I got you, fucker. “You will not attempt to see Nat again. If you do, I’m coming after you, and only one of us will come out of it alive.” Cole sniggers, and I smile an acid smile that I know he can’t see. Reaching into my back pocket, I take out my beautiful sterling silver handled switch blade hunting knife. I lean forward and open it right in his face. He stills and chokes out, “What are you doing?” Without stopping, I reply clinically, “Showing you how fuckin’ serious I am, you rodent.” With the blade opened, I move my knee into the center of his back, pushing his arm back so far it should pop out of its socket any moment. He huffs, puffs and groans an almost scream and it makes me happy. A little too happy. Yeah, I’m a monster. But at least I know it.

Endorphins rush through my brain, making my body feel warm and light as a feather. Knowing I have him immobilized, I put the sharp blade to his temple, apply some pressure and slowly, and most definitely painfully, run the blade down his cheek opening the flesh deeply for approximately four inches. He shrieks like the pussy he is and my eyes roll back in ecstasy. God, that feels good. The scar that comes from that should be a good reminder to him to watch who he fucks with. Cole’s stopped screaming, but his body shakes in silent sobs. I ask him, “So, tell me what your plans are, Cole?” He chokes out between sobs, “Stay away from Nat!” I pat his bloody cheek and say, “Good boy. Old dogs learning new tricks and all that shit. Good for you.” Looking down at my bloody hand, I cringe and wipe the blood onto the back of his shirt. I stand and help him up. The only word I could use to describe Cole’s facial expression would be horrified. Still sobbing, he cradles his gaping wound with shaking hands and I tell him pleasantly, “Take care now, Cole. Always a pleasure.” Taking the hint, he takes off down the hall and into the elevator. I snicker. If he took off any faster, he would have flown. I sigh when I look down to the floor at the large pool of smeared blood. Luckily, the floor is tiled. Clean up time. Heading back into Nat’s apartment, I hear the bedroom door open. Music blasts as Helena pokes her head out and looks down at my bloody hands. She looks back into the room, says something I can’t hear then comes to join me, closing the door behind her. I’m surprised as fuck when she doesn’t ask questions. She just goes under the kitchen sink to get some disinfectant and paper towels, then walks into the outer hall to clean up Cole’s blood. I clean my hands over and over with dish soap. Blood is hard to clean and the smell of it is rank. Once I’m certain there isn’t any more blood on me, I join Helena in the hall. Leaning against the wall, I open my mouth to explain but she cuts me off. Mopping up the red mess, she softly says, “Thank you.” My brow bunches in confusion. I don’t answer. She mops up more blood before looking up at me. “For caring about her so much you would do this.” She opens her arms out to the blood-stained floor. Without looking back at me, she says softly, “She needs someone like you, Ghost.”

That pisses me off. I spit, “No one needs someone like me.” She looks saddened by my admission. She stands and walks over to me. We stand almost face to chest and she states firmly, “Nat does.” Neither of us speaks for a moment. She tugs my collar and looks unsure as she says, “You just need to let her in here.” She puts a hand over my heart. “And here.” She places her fingertips on my forehead. “Don’t believe the things your brain tells you about yourself. Your worth is judged by what others think of you, not what you think of you. Just give her a chance. She’ll surprise you,” she finishes quietly. Then she takes the blood-stained towels inside and shuts the door behind her. Sighing deeply, I head back to my place. Once the door clicks shut, I place my forehead on the back of the door. I need a drink.

Chapter Nine Swapping spit Lying in bed twiddling my thumbs, I am this close to losing my shit. It’s almost midnight and I’m still a little shaken by Cole’s unexpected appearance. I mean, c’mon! Is the guy freakin’ serious? Did he think I would pretend the whole I slapped you so hard you fell off the counter thing didn’t happen? Fuck that! Once Helena ushered me to my room, she made me put in my mp3 player. So there I was, devastated and frightened, listening to Hall and Oates sing ‘I can’t go for that (No can do)’. Not exactly fitting music for the situation, but once Helena realized what I was listening to, she enthusiastically burst into song and I couldn’t contain my laughter. We love Adam

Sandler and The Wedding Singer is one of our favorite movies. When she finally joined us, Nina decided to back us up with the singing. And, as expected, we totally rocked that shit. So there we were, singing crazy assed eighties music, doing some crazy assed eighties dance moves and two stepping. I almost forgot about Cole til I heard him yell out a blood curdling scream. Fucking Cole. He ruined my eighties dance party. So Nina did the only thing she could do. Docked my mp3 player and put the music on full volume. I didn’t know what Ghost was doing to him and, frankly, I didn’t give a damn. All I knew is that Cole’s screams could be heard over the music, and the music was pretty damn loud. It almost sickens me that I felt satisfaction bloom in the pit of my stomach. Almost. Ghost isn’t a half-in kind of guy. I know whatever punishment he dealt to Cole would’ve been bad. So bad that I don’t actually want to know any of the details. I’d probably ralph. You see, blood and I don’t mix well together. Helena excused herself from the bedroom making our trio a duet. She was gone for around ten minutes. When she came back, I asked her where Ghost was and she said he went home. I obviously didn’t hide my disappointment very well because both my sisters jumped to his defense saying he was tired from work and mentally exhausted from having to deal with Cole, and it was probably best that he didn’t see me right then. Around ten, I excused myself claiming exhaustion and went to bed. Which brings us to now. Normally, sleep and I are best buddies, but I’ve been counting sheep for the past two hours. My brain just won’t quit. This ticks me off. An idea crosses my mind and like a freakin’ compulsion, I can’t let it go. Huffing out an annoyed breath, I toss the covers off me. Slipping on my Minnie Mouse head slippers, I creep to my bedroom door and sneak down the hall. I open the front door and walk over to Ghost’s door. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and knock quietly. Realizing all too quickly that this is a very stupid idea, I turn on my heel and swiftly head back to my apartment. I know I’m too late when I hear his door open. “Nat? Everything okay?” Busted. I turn to face him and utter, “Yeah. Sorry. I didn’t realize what time it was, and by the time I did, I figured you’d be asleep.” Liar, liar, pants on fire.

He leans his body against the doorframe and crosses one leg over the other. He’s dressed in his regular sleepwear of his blue pants and white tee. He makes it all too easy to make plain pajamas look sexy. His eyes search me long and hard as if he doesn’t believe me. I play with the ring on my finger and shift nervously, looking around for an escape when he slowly asks, “Wanna come in?” Bad idea. Don’t go in. It’s a trap! But my mouth decides for me. “Sure.” What the feck, mouth? Once I step into his apartment, I realize it’s the first time I’ve been in his place. The lights are off, but through the illumination coming from the side of the room, I can see it clearly enough to notice it’s exactly as I thought it would be. Bare as the day it was made. No sofa, no dining table, no TV. A wide bookshelf full to the brim of books sits in the place where the sofa should be and the wall closest to the patio has a long table with, I mentally count, one, two, three, four computers and one laptop. They’re all up and running. Some flashing while others beep. His apartment is like a freakin’ control room. The only thing that our places seem to have in common is that we both have a refrigerator. I look at him and utter out of the corner of my mouth, “Not a lot going on in here.” He glares through furrowed brows. “I like it just fine.” Wide eyed and nodding slowly, I respond, “And that’s all that matters, friend.” Rolling his eyes, he asks shortly, “Was there something you needed?” Okay. Be quick. Get to the point. Then run like hell. Nodding once more, I step forward, closing the distance between us. By the time I reach him, his face has turned questioning. I explain in a rush, “You know I kind of realized that you’ve not come to my rescue just once, but twice now, and I haven’t said a damn thing to you about it.” I turn and pace, running my hand down my chin to stroke my imaginary beard. Scoffing, I tell him, “My mom would be so disappointed in me and I hate to say it, but I know I was really selfish today and just thinking about myself. And what shit taste I have in men. And how much I miss Tina and the girls. And how much I wish I could tell them what happened without sounding like a weak person or victim.” My eyes start to sting. I breathe in a shuddering breath and go on, “I just don’t know how this happened. I should’ve seen it from the start, but I think I was so desperate to connect with someone that I settled for anyone.” I turn to him and point at his chest. “You saw it. You called him the, quote, angry man, end quote, and all I did was get defensive. I should’ve known, but I didn’t and now I feel stupid about it.” My feet still suddenly, stopping me in my pacing tracks. My eyes shut and placing my fingertips to my forehead, I laugh a humorless laugh. “So stupid. Anyways, I just

wanted to come over here and thank you for being my hero. Twice. And I don’t know what you did to Cole, but I gotta say, I was as happy as a pig in shit hearing him scream like a sissy girl.” Ghost blinks. Once. Twice. A wide smile transforms his beautiful face. He responds softly, “That was a fucking long thank you, pretty girl, and I’ll take it, but you should know, I’m more of an anti-hero.” My face softens and I smile a small smile. “That’s not true.” I close the distance between us and take hold of his hand. I feel so tiny next to him. My head only reaches his shoulder when I’m without heels. His eyes question me. He looks at my dainty hand holding his large, calloused one. I whisper, “You didn’t have to come but you did. You helped me even though I really don’t deserve it. I’m always such a bitch to you.” I dip my face and confide in him. “You know I like you. You and me, we’re the same kind. We’re like avengers. Protecting the people we love. It makes sense for us to be friends, right?” I look up into his softening eyes and he nods once. Relief flows through me, lightening my body. I squeeze his hand and smile. “Okay. Good. Great. Now close your eyes, please.” His eyes narrow untrustingly and I roll my eyes at him. With a shake of the head, I urge, “Would you just do it!” He rolls his eyes right back at me and laughter climbs up my throat, itching to get free. I bite my lip to stop it from escaping. He puffs out a breath, puts his hands on his hips and makes a show of closing his eyes. Once they’re closed, I lift my hands in front of his face and wave ‘em around like I’m at a rave party. I’m satisfied he can’t see, but now that I’m in this position, I don’t know how I’m going to make this work. Looking around his apartment, I tell him, “Don’t move a muscle.” I run across the room to the bookcase and get the two phone books from the bottom shelf. Placing the phone books on the floor in front of Ghost’s feet, one on top of the other, I carefully step on my makeshift stepping stool. I bounce up and down to make sure they’re stable, and once I’m satisfied there’s no threat of me falling on my ass, I place both my palms onto Ghost’s hard chest. His body stiffens at my touch, but as I rub his chest gently, I soon feel him relax under my palms. I take this moment to get a good look at him. He’s beautiful. His new haircut is modern and stylish, shaved at the sides but still longer up top. It brings attention to his face and makes him look polished. My gaze slides down his lean and muscular body. The white tee he wears is tight against his skin, and I can make out every ridge of muscle that makes up his abs. His arms are toned

and strong, with veins running through them. I wonder what it would be like to be held by those arms. Here goes nothing. The phone books have almost made me the same height as Ghost and we’re so close that my breasts are almost pressed up against him. I slide my hands from his chest, up his shoulders to curve behind his neck. He tenses when I pull my body flat against his and hold onto him as if I’m scared he’ll run from me. Because, in reality, I am scared he’ll run from me. My soft cheek rests against his stubbled one. My fingertips play with the short hair at the back of his head. This is intense. There are too many feels. Yeah, icky feels. My heart races and I suddenly feel vulnerable. I whisper hoarsely, “Thank you. Thank you so much for being there for me. I don’t know what would’ve happened tonight if you weren’t there. I am thankful as fuck that you were, because I can handle getting knocked around, but I don’t know what I would’ve done if something happened to my sisters.” Having said my piece, I feel Ghost’s arms hesitate at his sides before they wrap around my lower back and hold me tight. I release the breath I hadn’t known I was holding and sink into him, feeling secure and protected. I burrow my face into his neck and breathe him in. He smells like manly soap and mint. The weird combination works its magic, soothing me. I totally need this right now. My sisters know I’m not the hugging kind so they don’t even try anymore. Today I really needed contact, any form of contact, but didn’t want to be that pathetic girl that asks for it. But this is Ghost. It’s different with him. Different in a way I can’t explain. His muscled arms cocoon me, squeezing me tighter. We’re flush against each other and I feel the hard bulge at the front of his pajama pants press into me. I smile into his neck and I know he feels it when I feel his cheek muscles form a smile too. Feeling bold and empowered, I do something I didn’t plan on doing. I lift my head off his shoulder but keep my arms around his neck. I’m surprised to see that Ghost still hasn’t opened his eyes. I’m secretly thankful for it. I slide my hands from the back of his neck, forward and up to cup his cheeks. Before I overthink things, I lean forward and press a soft kiss against his lips. An electric current jolts me, and from his sudden intake of breath, I’m sure he feels it too. Then I remember something. Holy shitballs! This is our first kiss!

I feel constricted in the best way when Ghost’s arms wrap tighter around me, warming me. I feel his mouth open a little against mine. Is that an invitation? I have no idea but I’m totally taking it! Rather than plunge my tongue in, I lift my face and open my mouth a little, breathing into him and placing my full bottom lip into his parted mouth. Ghost groans into me and sucks my lip gently. And, holy shit, it’s hot! I feel that slight suction spark all the way down to my vajayjay. My core moistens and I clench my legs together but it doesn’t help. His lips are warm and soft and he tastes delicious. His sweet minty breath mingles with mine. It’s incredible. I wish I never have to breathe so I can kiss him forever. This is a sweet kiss. There is nothing sexy about this kiss, but I am so hot, I’m burning up. This was not part of the plan! Oh, yeah. Right. Stick to the plan. Knowing I’ll be pulling away from this awesome kiss in a moment is seriously breaking my heart. My stomach dips. I don’t want it to end but Ghost and I are friends. Making this unplanned kiss a little awkward. Call it a thank you, if you will. My body feels light as a feather. I’m swimming in bliss. I have never been so turned on by a kiss before. As in ever. In my whole life. Loosening my hold on his neck, I slide my hands to rest on his shoulders and move my face back from his. What happens next, I do not see coming. Ghost growls and pushes his face further into mine, reconnecting our lips. I feel that growl vibrate through my crotch. My panties are soaked. He’s not letting me go! I push unconvincingly on his shoulders but he fights to win this battle. His arms loosen, his hands slide down my back, further down til his palms rest on my ass. Goddamn, I like that. My eyes roll back and I sigh loudly. He nips my bottom lip and grips my butt, squeezing both cheeks with his large hands. A moan escapes me and I press into him. So much for ending this on my terms! It’s on, motherfucker!

A whimper bursts out of me. I assault his lips with deep, open mouthed kisses and I wrap my arms tightly around his neck once more. His hands knead my tingling ass, fuelling me on and it feels amazing. My stomach flutters. Using his shoulders as leverage, I jump a little and wrap my legs around him. Ghost groans against my lips, “Fuck me! You’re sweet as honey, pretty girl.” He holds under my ass with one hand and slowly slides the other hand under the elastic of my pajama pants. I tear my mouth from his and gasp, “No!” Ghost’s body stiffens. He stills awhile before slowly letting me down to my feet. His hold on me loosens and he steps back. I search his face, not quite understanding his sudden withdrawal. He won’t look at me but his eyes are full of remorse. He almost looks ashamed. My head swims while my lips throb deliciously. Whoa! That kiss has left me in a daze. Forgetting the phone books, I take a step back into air and stumble. My shaky legs wobble for a moment before I straighten. I adjust my tank and clear my throat before walking backwards to the door. “So, yeah. Um, thanks again.” Still in a kiss coma, I ramble. “But I already said thank you. So you know that I, um, thank, uh, you. And you’re good at hugging too, so thanks for that also. You are very warm. Like a person blanket.” I walk back into a wall with a thump. Annoyed at my failed exit, I turn around and glower at the wall. Looking back at Ghost who watches me through furrowed brows, I point my thumb back and whisper, “There’s a wall there so, um, be careful.” His lip twitches and he nods once. Having finally located the door, I turn the handle and step out. I turn to face him and say, “Good night, Asher.” Without waiting for a reply, I close the door behind me and go back to my apartment. Once inside, I tiptoe back to my room and get back into bed. I don’t really understand what just happened, but I know one thing. Ghost can kiss the fuck out of a woman. I fall asleep with a huge smile pasted on my face.

Chapter Ten Hot Lips McGee Waking this morning with a boner so hard it could cut through glass, I gotta say, I’m not surprised. What the fuck happened last night? Not that I don’t want it to happen again, but can somebody please explain what the fuck that was? That was not a kiss. That was something else altogether. I palm my erection and smirk to myself. That was Nat. Plain and simple. I think I’m gonna have to call her Hot Lips McGee from now on. I chuckle quietly knowing just how much that’ll piss her off. I get a sick, twisted sense of enjoyment seeing her all riled up. Her cheeks flush pink, and although I’d bet she doesn’t even know she does it, she pouts those full, sexy lips. Lips that I never got to taste til last night. Lips that I’ve been thinking about since we fucked over a year ago. Sweet as sin, cherry-flavored lips that I want to taste over and over again. I don’t think Nat realizes what she’s done. She’s unknowingly opened the floodgates. Palming myself harder, I close my eyes and think of her lips on me.

My erection starts to deflate. Disgust turns my body cold. Why would she want you? Once she gets a look at you, the real you, she’ll never have you again. With a sigh, I get out of bed and walk over to the bathroom. I undress and turn on the shower. While I wait for it to heat up, I stupidly look in the mirror. My eyes remain focused on my torso. Pink and faded ugly-as-hell scars scattered all over my chest and stomach. The forced memories of my dad invade my head. Never loved you. Never even wanted you. Always a burden. Always will be. My stomach boils as rage controls my body. Smash My chest heaves rapidly as I breathe heavily through my nose. I look down at my clenched and bloody fist. Damn it to hell. The man’s been dead for years and he still controls you. You’re so fucking weak. Fuck this. I skip the shower, get dressed and wrap my wound. Then I head to work with a scowl on my face. Cleaning the broken mirror can wait. *** My phone blasts ‘Blister in the Sun’ by Violent Femmes and I smile. I hold the phone to my ear and answer, “Ahoy hoy.” Tina squeals dramatically, “Oh my God! She’s alive! Muahahahaha!” I hear the muffled cheers of Mimi and Lola in the background. I put on my best nasal voice and say, “Mommy, I still don’t feel well.” Tina laughs. “Hold on, I’ll put you on loudspeaker.” She fiddles around with the phone a few seconds before I hear her voice echo, “We miss you, hon! When are you coming back?” I smile hard at the sound of her pitiful tone. “Tomorrow, guys. I’m a little better today, but I’m sure I’ll be fine tomorrow. Guess what?” “What, ho bags?” That’s Mimi. I crow, “My sisters are here!” Tina gasps then whoops excitedly. “You’re kidding! That’s awesome. They have to come to the store tomorrow, we can all do lunch at The White Rabbit together!” Lola joins the conversation, “Who with the what now?” I chuckle, “My sisters are here and we’ll see if we can do lunch. They’re leaving in two days so I want to spend as much time with them as I can.”

Tina says, “Okay, honey. See you tomorrow. Just take some ibuprofen and drink lots of water.” And that’s Tina in a nutshell. Always caring and looking out for others. And tomorrow I have to tell her about Cole. My eyes prickle. I clear my throat and force out, “Okay guys, I miss you. See you then.” All three girls yell out at once. I hear a chorus of “Get better”, “Take a shower you dirty girl” and “Miss you too!” I laugh and hang up. I get out of bed smiling. Today’s gonna be a good day. *** Ghost: You good to come to The White Rabbit tonight? Lounging on my sofa watching crappy daytime TV with my sisters, my brow furrows at the text while I reply. Me: Sure. What for? Ghost: The club’s closed. It’ll just be us and the others. Bring your sisters. 7pm. Nat: Okay. Do I need to bring anything else? Ghost: Just wear sweats and comfortable shoes. Curiouser and curiouser. We decided to skip lunch with the girls, so bringing my sisters to the club is actually perfect. That way everyone can see them and we can all catch up together. Nat: Okay. See you then. Ghost: Text me when you get here. I have no idea what’s going on, but I’m already sweating. *** My sisters and I arrive at The White Rabbit at ten to seven dressed in our gym wear. We all wear our hair in high ponytails and have matching outfits of three quarter length gym tights, black t-shirts and sneakers. My sneakers are white, Helena’s are pink and Nina’s are black with pink trim. Seriously though, we buy things in threes. Most of our clothes are exactly the same because our tastes are. We stop when we reach the security door side entrance and I text Ghost to let him know we’re here. The door opens and I just about swallow my tongue. There he stands wearing a tighter-than-hell black muscle tank, black sweatpants and white sneakers. Gah! Those arms. My high deflates a little when he doesn’t even look at me. He says to my sisters, “Helena. Nina. Give us a minute will ya?” Both my sisters nod and he instructs, “Follow the hall then

turn left at the end. They’re all here.” Helena smiles at him and squeezes his arm and Nina winks at him before closing the security door to leave us in the alley alone. His eyes search me. We stare at each other for a long moment before I ask quietly, “What am I doing here, Ash?” He rubs the back of his neck nervously and states, “This was gonna be hard, you know? Any way you did it would’ve been hard. We should just get it out of the way with everyone here, so you don’t have to explain it over and over. I was gonna wait til you were ready, but I can see you’re putting it off.” I shrink into myself. I’ve been set up. Avoiding his eyes, I focus at his shoulder. “That wasn’t your decision to make, asshole,” I say quietly. Ghost reaches up, takes my chin in his hand and gently forces it up. I turn my pitiful gaze to his soft one. Anxiety settles in the pit of my stomach. I whisper, “I don’t want them all to know.” His eyes flash in anger before immediately softening. Still holding my chin in his firm fingers, he says quietly, “You need to tell them, pretty girl. If you don’t tell anyone about it, it’ll eat away at you. You’ll stop seeing your friends and you’ll stop going out. You’ll be a fraction of the person you were without their support. You’ll lose that fierce about you and just become cold.” He exhales loudly and continues, “You’ll become me.” He holds my questioning stare but doesn’t say a thing. I feel weak and exposed. I know I have to do this, but I was hoping to do it in a way that would tone down the situation. I tell him, “I can’t tell them.” His face falls. He doesn’t mask the disappointment he wears. He drops his hand from my chin, nods once and replies on an exhale, “Okay. I’ll take you home.” As he moves to step away from me, I take his hand and entwine my fingers with his. He looks up at me and I explain, “Shit, Ash. I meant I can’t tell them. I was kind of hoping that you…” I don’t finish the sentence. Realization dawns on his face. He knows what I want. My expression pleads with him to take on this responsibility. With smiling eyes, he comes forward once again, grips the back of my neck in a firm hold and states, “All you had to do was ask, Hot Lips.” With narrowed eyes, I ask, “Hot Lips?” Ghost’s smiling eyes peer into mine, he nods his head and informs, “Hot Lips McGee, actually.” I place my hand on my hip, my face set in disbelief. “You have got to be kidding me? That’s the best you could come up with?” He lowers his head, his body shaking as he silently chuckles. “It’ll grow on ya.”

Leading us inside by our joined hands, I mutter under my breath, “Oh, sure. Like a freakin’ fungus.” We walk down the hall together and just before we enter the main hall I pull him back by his hand. He stops and turns to me. I can’t help myself, I’m dying to know. “Why are you doing this for me, Ash?” One side of his mouth quirks up, he lowers his forehead to mine and he quotes me, “You and me. We’re the same kind.” And it melts my icy heart a little. I grin and feel his smirk when he kisses my forehead. Before I can say a thing, he pulls away, winks at me and with joined hands leads me into the main hall. The sounds of infectious laughter, teasing and conversation come to a halt when we enter. I lower my head, avoiding the questioning stares of my friends. Before anyone has a chance to say a thing, Ghost starts, “Okay. I called everyone here tonight because there’s something we need to discuss with everyone.” I know it sounds like Ghost is implying we’re here as a couple, but I don’t even feel the need to correct it. It actually feels good to have him speak about the two of us as an us. He goes on, “So let’s get straight to it. Two nights ago, Nat had a date with Cole. There was a disagreement and Cole felt the need to put hands on Nat.” My throat clogs with emotion as I hear Tina, Mimi and Lola gasp in shock. I can’t stand feeling their stares on me. I inch behind Ghost, hold his tank at his hips and push my head into his back like an ostrich trying to stick its head into the ground. I’m immediately calmed by his hand rubbing mine. Ghost waits a moment before he informs, “We’re getting this out in the open tonight. Whatever you want to ask is going to be asked tonight. As soon as we leave the club, no one brings it up again. Nat’s asked me to explain what happened that night so here it is…” He spends a good five minutes explaining what happened. With his gruffness and clinical explanation, my heart stops squeezing and the anxiety fades. He’s good at this. Feeling brave, I step back at his side, entwine our fingers and, finally, look up at my friends. Tina stands in front of a clearly upset Nik, silently weeping, and immediately I feel the need to comfort her. I walk over to her with open arms, she sinks into me and I hug her while she cries. She whispers, “I’m sorry, honey. So sorry.” I hush her and feel arms come around my waist and neck. I look up to see Mimi and Lola have joined our group hug. Lola doesn’t say a thing. She doesn’t have to. Immense sadness is written across her face. Mimi says quietly, “If I ever see that son of a bitch, I’ll kick his sorry ass back to the hell he came from.” Chuckling at her threat, I tell them “It’s okay, guys. I’m okay. Ghost helped me. He handled it. Both times.” I speak to the girls but look up and into his eyes, “He’s a good

neighbor to have.” The next few minutes are spent with me in the arms of each of the guys. Nik hugs me so hard I almost stop breathing. He cradles the back of my head into his chest so tightly that I have to pinch his nipple to get him to let go. With a yelp, he backs away, rubbing his nipple and scoffs in disbelief. “So much for caring!” Smiling, I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek gently. “You know I love you, Niki. I just don’t like the whole fuss thing.” His face softens. “Yeah, I get ya. You know you could’ve come to me, right?” Immediately, I concede, “Yeah, I know. I know I could’ve come to any of you. I can’t really explain why I didn’t. I guess I just thought Ghost was the better option, being so close and all.” Just as Nik opens his mouth to say something, I’m pulled back into a hard chest. Strong arms come around my waist and a cheek rests on my head. “I’m pissed at you, babe.” That heated remark comes from Max. And I get it. Max and I, we’re friends. We talk about anything and everything. We flirt, we joke, and we have great deep and meaningful conversations. He’s pissed I didn’t come to him. I rub his arms with my cold hands and sigh. “I know, Mad Max. I know.” I turn in his arms and hug him tightly. I talk into his chest. “I hope you understand how hard it is to talk about something like this. It made me feel weak. You know how I feel about that.” He kisses my forehead and says against it, “Yeah. I know. Doesn’t mean I’m not gonna kick this guy’s ass. He’s banned from the club for life.” I move back and look up at my friend. I cup his cheeks and pull him down to give him a soft, barely-there kiss on the lips. I tell him, “I love you. You know that, right?” He nods gravely, “Yeah. As a friend though.” He throws his fisted hands up in mock despair. “Fuckin’ Friend-Zoned!” I burst out laughing but turn when someone taps my shoulder. Trick. Dear, sweet, silly Trick. He looks so upset. I take hold of his hand and squeeze it. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. I tease him quietly, “Oh, dear God. I broke Trick!” He chuckles and pulls me into a warm, comforting hug. I hold him tight. He strokes my hair and utters, “I’m so glad you’re okay.” “Yeah. I’m good, big guy,” I sigh. We rock gently and he whispers, “Could’ve been worse. So much worse. We could’ve lost you.” My heart skips a beat. He’s so right. It could’ve been much worse. But rather than think that way, I state, “Fuck him. I’m good. You’re good. We’re all good. And we all fucking rock. Fuck Cole.”

He releases me from his hold and his smiling face looks down at me. “Right on, sister.” Grinning like a couple of fools, we bump fists. He puts an arm around me as we walk to the center of the room. Ghost booms, “Self-defense one-oh-one.” Oh, sweet Jesus. I knew this night was about to get interesting. Chapter Eleven Friend-Zoned “OUCH! MOTHERFUCK! HURTS LIKE A BITCH!” Okay, so I may have been a little rough with my kneeing technique. I mutter, “Pussy.” Max straightens and fire almost shoots from his eyes. He points at me and yells, “You grazed my nads!” I smirk. “Whatever. Assume the position! I’m having a blast!” And I really am. Who knew learning something so simple could be so fun and empowering. I feel like I could take on anyone right now. Max looks anxious as he assumes the fighting stance Ghost told the guys to take. Just as I pull my knee back, Ghost yells out, “Change it up, new partner!” I burst out laughing when Max sinks to his knees in relief and kisses the dirty ground. I jump on his back and we both fall to the side, laughing it up. Tonight has actually turned out to be a good night. I’m so glad I came and everything is out in the open. I guess I have Ghost to thank for that. Max reaches up and squeezes my boob while making a honking noise. “You little shit!” I squawk before giving him a nurple. He squeals like a pig getting porked and I laugh hysterically. Someone clears their throat and we both look up to find a not-so-impressed Ghost, glaring at us. Ghost opens his mouth, but I beat him to it. “Yeah, yeah. Change it up.” I stand and walk over to Nik who has his back to me while he talks sweetly to Tina. Halfway there I take a run up and jump onto his back like a baby Koala. His reflexes are

damn good. He catches me under my knees just as I start to fall. A laughing Tina decides to jump on his front and join our little hug. Nik stands tall and proud with me chuckling on his back and a giggling Tina on his front; he walks around with us on him and boasts, “Not even breaking a sweat.” I yell out to my sisters and tell them in Croatian to jump aboard the Nik train. Tina, Helena and Nina all burst out laughing and Nik utters, “That doesn’t sound good.” Nina jumps on my back and Helena climbs up Tina and wraps her legs around Tina’s waist. Nik bursts out laughing. “Oh my God. Four women at once? It’s a good day to be alive!” Our people ball shakes with laughter and I hear Mimi, Lola, Max and Trick all laugh from the sidelines. Ghost booms, “C’mon guys! Take this shit seriously. It could save your life.” And just like that all the fun is sucked from the room. Nina climbs off me and then I climb off Nik, Helena slides down Tina and Tina remains holding onto Nik. Nina puts an arm around my waist and walks me to the center of the room where Ghost is. She stands next to him and explains quietly, “Humor. It’s how we deal with bad situations. It’s not that we aren’t taking this seriously. We are. I swear it.” Ghost looks down at my blank expression and nods. With a squeeze of my hand, Nina leaves us. He takes my chin in his hand and whispers, “I want you to be prepared, pretty girl. I can’t be there all the time.” I half roll my eyes in annoyance. Knowing he’s not getting anywhere, he changes tactics. “Would you please do it for me? Just knowing you know some of this stuff will be a huge relief for me.” He sighs then whispers, “I can’t see you like that again.” And, by God, it works. I look up into his eyes. “What do you mean?” He looks around. When he sees that no one’s watching, he leans forward and says softly but firmly, “Knowing that motherfucker had his hands on you…” He stops and exhales loudly. “When I saw your face that night, I damn near lost my mind. But I held it together, for you. I could’ve easily killed him the other night, Nat. I swear, I even thought about it. I could’ve got away with it too. All I kept thinking was I just got you back after seven months of not having you around.” He grips the back of my neck, forcing my eyes to lock with his. His expression is dark and serious as he says, “I can’t do that again. You’re like pain relief to me. I can’t explain it. You just are.” My brow furrows in confusion. I start, “I don’t underst-” but he cuts me off with a shake of the head, “I can’t explain it. Maybe one day you’ll understand. Either way, I’m telling you now that I’m glad we’re friends.” And just like that, I got Friend-Zoned.

*** The morning after teaching the self-defense session at the club, I wake up early to shower then lay back in bed, naked. I’m fucking wasted. It was exhausting showing the girls all those techniques and tricks. But I gotta say, it felt really good seeing ‘em flip a guy Nik’s size. The truth is, during a time of panic, it’s hard to remember anything at all, but I’m hoping if they ever encounter someone they know is dangerous, at least one of the techniques will stick. I look over to the digital alarm clock on my bedside cabinet. The bright red numbers flash 6:35am. I normally get into work at seven but I told Nik last night that I’d be in late if I was gonna come in at all. Everyone thinks Nik is my boss, but being that I actually own part of the club, he never questions my need to take time off. He knows if I need it, I’m going to take it. My eyes grow heavy. I place my forearm over them and breathe deep. Lights out. *** Something soft but firm touches my chest. It’s a gentle touch but I feel it. I act as though I’m still asleep, making sure to breathe deep and even. A fingertip trails my scars and my face heats in anger. I don’t like people touching my scars. The scent of vanilla and cinnamon fills my nose and I breathe deeply. Without moving a muscle, I ask quietly, “How’d you get in here, pretty girl.” Nat’s finger stills on my chest. She removes it and answers just as quietly, “You’re not the only one with skills, buddy.” Lifting my arm off my face, I glance up at her. I’m not religious at all. I don’t believe in God. But looking at Nat right now…I’d like to think this is what angels look like if they existed. Dressed in her cute pajamas with her bright red hair in a ball at the top of her head, her face remains plastered to my chest. I know I’m naked but there’s no damn way I could get an erection now. Not with her looking at me like I’m some poor wounded animal. I expect her to ask about the scars marring me, but she surprises me by looking at my face and whisper yelling, “You sleep naked?” I chuckle in surprise. Out of all the things to ask me, that wasn’t on my possible questions list. Still chuckling, I tell her, “No. I normally don’t.” Smiling, I close my eyes again. Nat whispers a husky, “Lucky me.” She runs her fingertip from the middle of my chest slowly down to my stomach.

I realize she’s just being kind but my body obviously doesn’t know that. I actually sit up and gape at my cock when it twitches. What the fuck? No way. My cock stirs and I glance at Nat who looks at it with a sly smile, “Well, hello sailor. Good morning to you too.” Just as I think of a witty comment about her sucking me into a great morning, I remember she’s sitting on my bed. I ask again, “How’d you get in here?” Nat’s body stiffens. Playing with her earring, she avoids my gaze and mumbles unconvincingly, “Through the patio. I got skills too.” I raise a brow at her. She can’t lie for shit. She glances up at me and says, “Nik gave me a spare key.” I raise my brow further. Lying again. Tut tut. She should know that liars get spanked. She peeks back up at me and sighs. She rolls her eyes and gives in, “Okay, okay. I asked Tina to swipe Nik’s keys so I could make a copy of yours.” I can’t conceal my amusement. I lean back and chuckle. This girl is something else. My kind of girl. I open my mouth to speak when I hear my front door open. The sounds of two girls in the middle of a conversation hit us. I narrow my eyes in disbelief and hiss to Nat, “You didn’t lock the front door?” She looks up at me apologetically and shrugs. Her eyes widen as the footsteps come closer. She runs to the edge of my bed and pulls the covers over me right up to my neck protecting my shameful secret, then she sits on the edge of the bed. Nina and Helena appear in the doorway. It’s dark in my room but not pitch black. Helena whisper yells, “Ewww, Nat. Watching someone sleep is creepy!” Nina says quietly, “Yeah, Nat. That’s fucked up.” Nat opens her mouth to speak but I cut her off. “I’m awake.” “Oh, well, I guess that’s okay then,” Nina replies in a regular volume. Okay, now I’m not the smartest guy, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t mean that as an invitation to come sit on my bed with me and have a chat. Nina sits against the headboard, sitting up. Her ass is literally two inches from my face, and just as I turn to get away from it, Helena sits on the other side of me. I’m flanked by ass. Nat doesn’t even notice. All three pajama-clad girls start a conversation about breakfast which somehow transforms into a conversation about the benefits of using placenta in your hair before it switches to all of the girls checking their toenails and announcing they all need pedicures.

And here I am, naked under my covers with no means of escape. All I can do is close my eyes and listen to the ridiculous conversation that’s happening on my bed. At least I can listen to Nat’s soothing voice. I breathe deeply and let it flow over me like gentle waves. I’ll never admit it, but I’m pretty fucking relaxed right now. That is until I hear the front door open a second time. I hear a woman say, “That’s weird. It wasn’t locked. He’s normally gone by now.” What the fuck now? I open my eyes and look around to the other girls who all wear the same confused expression as I do. I yell out, “Tina?” In the hall, Tina whisper hisses, “Retreat! Retreat!” The sounds of heels clip clopping follows before… Stumble Crash Bang Mimi laughs her ass off and says, “We have a man down! I repeat. We are a man down!” Lola laughs hard and yells out, “We’re so bad at this! Best mission ever!” The sounds of giggles and heels approach my room. I put an arm under my head to elevate it. I want to see what these goofballs are doing. Tina’s first through the door and looks sheepish while rubbing her elbow. That is until she sees Nat, Helena and Nina all sitting on my bed. Then she yells out, “Pajama party!” And literally throws herself onto my bed, hurt elbow forgotten. She belly flops onto my stomach. My body jolts upwards, the wind is knocked out of me and I groan. Tina looks up at me with wide eyes. She rushes out, “Ash, honey! I’m so sorry!” Then she rubs what she thinks is my stomach. Only it’s my cock. Removing her hands from me, I tell her, “Tina, I don’t think Nik would like you in my bed rubbing my junk.” She squeaks then stutters, “No freakin’ way! That was your-? But I thought it was- crud!” Nina, Helena and Nat fall down laughing on my bed. I look over to the doorway where Mimi and Lola’s bodies shake in silent laughter. I seriously can’t help it. I burst into laughter over how ridiculous this situation is. I’m laughing harder than I’ve ever laughed in my life. These girls. They’ll be the death of me. Mimi and Lola come over to my bed and find a spot to sit. As soon as their asses hit bed, the girls all talk, loud and animated. It’s like watching a coop full of chickens clucking. Just as I think there could be no better place to be than in bed with six women, I realize there should be zero women in my bed. I know how Nat, Helena and Nina got in. How the fuck did Tina, Mimi and Lola get in? Still lying on my back, I look up at Tina. “How the hell did you get in here, Tina?” Tina’s smile drops. Her body stiffens and she looks panicked. She looks up through bunched brows as if thinking hard and says, “Well, you see. The thing is…” And I already

now she’s full of shit. I cut her off with, “Tina. How the fuck did you get into my place?” Tina hates what she calls my potty mouth. She narrows her eyes at me and she pokes my chest. “There’s no need for that kind of language, Ghost. I just brought you something is all. Just a gift.” Lola chimes in, “I think you’ll love it.” Mimi nods in agreement, “Yeah. I’m a hardass but I really like it.” Tina’s sweet face smiles down at me and she says softly, “It’s on the kitchen counter. Just open it when you have a chance. No rush.” The girls start talking once again. Laughter echoes throughout my apartment. I put both arms behind my head and smile up at the ceiling. There seriously are worse places I could be right now. Tina breaks me out of my thoughts by whispering in my ear, so low that no one could possible hear but me. “Happy Birthday, Ash.” She kisses my forehead and I close my eyes. I’m at peace right now. Birthday or not, I’m gonna make today a good one. *** Saturday night approaches quickly enough. Tonight is my first night out since the Cole incident. I’m heading over to The White Rabbit with Mimi and Lola. I tried so hard to get my sisters to stay at least til Sunday morning just so they could experience a night at the club. The White Rabbit is seriously my most favorite place to be. Apart from my sofa, of course. Unfortunately, even though they tried to move things around for me, I knew they’d already used up a lot of their vacation time. And with a heavy heart, I said goodbye to my sisters yesterday morning and sobbed like a freakin’ baby as soon as they were gone. I’m not ashamed of that. My heart hurt watching them go. The cab driver asks, “Where to?” Giddy as all get out, we cheer together, “The White Rabbit!” Mimi takes hold of my hand. “How you doing over there?” I smile a small smile. “Okay. Just feel a bit weird.” Lola rubs my knee softly and says reassuringly, “Well, sure. That’s to be expected. You’ll see, as soon as we get in there, it’ll be like nothing ever happened.” I smile up at her. I really hope so. The cab pulls up to the club and I’m suddenly nervous. What if he’s here? Can people see the damage on me? I should’ve stayed home. The door to the cab opens and Mimi exits. Closing my eyes, I take a breath to steady myself and exit second. A hand takes mine and I look up into the smiling face of B-Rock, the

huge bald African American club security guy who I happen to adore. His face softens in a way that I know he knows. Well, of course he knows. Max said Cole was banned from the club, therefore he’d have to tell B-Rock why. He pulls me aside and helps Lola out of the cab before wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I look up at him and we silently communicate. He nods his head to me. Are you okay? I smile up into his face and nod once. Yeah, I’m good. Then I kiss his cheek. Thanks, BRock. He pulls back the red velvet rope to let us through. I take both of the girls’ hands and we walk down the hall to the large double doors. I stop. Mimi and Lola don’t push me to move. I exhale and push the doors open. Here goes nothing. As soon as the doors part, the sound of some new popular song hits me with a force so strong that my heart skips a beat. Warmth fills me. What the heck was I thinking? I’m not scared to be here. The music flows through me. I smile. This is it. I’m back baby! Hell yeah! I’m totally in my element. This is my place! I’m not letting Cole take that from me. I look to see Mimi and Lola smiling hard. I take their hands and practically run through the club to the stairs that lead to the VIP area. I hear them laugh and it just makes me giddier. I’m so excited to be here! We approach the VIP entrance and African American Alice is there. Her name is actually Shawna but we call her Triple A. She sees us and gives us a huge smile. “Hey girls! Your booth’s ready, head on up.” I watch as Mimi walks over to smiling Triple A, hugs her and places a small kiss on her lips. Meems and Shawna have been doing the dirty for a while now. When I asked Mimi about it, she said it was nothing serious, but I know she cares about her. I’ll admit it was a little weird seeing my friend be like that with a woman, but as long as Meems is happy, I’m happy too. We walk up the stairs and I look over to our regular ten-seater booth. Tina and Nik are already seated all wrapped up each other, and for once, it doesn’t make me want to puke. Instead, I find myself wondering when I’ll find my own Nik. I sure as hell won’t be finding him here at the club. Maybe I should go somewhere like a park or library. The thought of bachelor hunting in a library actually makes me scrunch my face in disgust and visibly shudder. Thinking about this is depressing. I sigh and make my way over to the booth. I’ll get mine. One day.

Chapter Twelve Conference Room, round two I’m a teeny bit drunk, a little giddy and every time the bass of the music booms, I can see it. Actual colors appear in front of me. Swirls of pink, yellow and purple dance in front of my eyes. Okay, so maybe I’m more than a little drunk, but truth be told, I think I’m more high on life tonight. Nik arranged for the guys to have the night off and we all sit at our classy black leather booth, drinking cherry bombs, talking and laughing. All but one of us, that is. Suddenly annoyed at myself, I know it shouldn’t bother me but I can’t help but wonder why Ghost isn’t here. I turn to Max and ask, “Where’s Casper?” Max looks a little stunned before his mouth spreads into a knowing grin. I flip him the bird and ask Nik, “Where’s Ghost?” “He’s out on the floor.” Nik points downstairs before waving his hand in dismissal. “Some safety thing. The guy never quits.” My mind made up, I stand. “I’m going to find him and bring him up.” Everyone stares up at me wearing stunned expressions. All of them, that is, except for Tina who sweetly smiles up at me and nods her approval. I flick my hair, roll my eyes at them all and yell out, “Laters.” Halfway down the stairs, I spot him, sexy as always in a tight black tee and black jeans, his hair styled with the wax my sister gave him. I see his silver belt buckle sparkle from where I am. My smile falters when I realize he’s at the bar talking to a very pretty brunette. I think about turning back, but somewhere deep in my gut annoyance builds, and before I can reason with myself, I stomp across the room and over to him. Once I’m behind him, I tap his shoulder and say loudly, “Hey Ash, I got some of your mail today.” Ms. Pretty Brunette narrows her eyes at me. I look up at Ghost and put on my best sheepish expression, “Only I didn’t know it was yours until after I opened it. Turns out you’ve got the clap!” Pretty lady looks up at Ghost in disgust. Scrunching my brow and looking up in thought, I utter, “You better get that treated ASAP. I think you can go blind from that shit!” Pretty brunette starts to walk away and I mutter, “Yeah. Buhbye.” Ghost shakes his head and chuckles. “Seriously? You’re cock-blocking me?”

I’m drunk therefore my brain-to-mouth filter is on the fritz. I poke him in the chest and accuse, “The last time you had a woman over after a club night, she was a screamer! Y’all kept me up all freaking night with her ‘Oh God’ and ‘Yes, Yes More!’” People are starting to look at us. I’m sure this has something to do with the fact that not only am I prancing around while imitating Tasha ScreamFace, I’m actually yelling out ‘Oh God’ and ‘Yes, Yes More’. Ghost doesn’t care though. He just keeps chuckling at my tipsy antics. I mutter, “Oh, hell no. You are not keeping me up all night again.” The sudden urge to go to the bathroom takes hold of me. I look up at an amused Ghost and announce a little too loudly, “Holy shitballs, I need to pee!” I walk off without looking back. Head to the ladies, do what I need to do then walk out of the restrooms and back over to Ghost. And I stop in my tracks. Are you freaking kidding me? Ghost is at the bar and, not one, but two pretty blondes flank him. One of the women has her hand on his chest and the other bats her lashes up at him. I roll my eyes at them. Amateurs. I look down to check on my appearance. I look good. Not overly sexy, but classy. I’m wearing one of Tina’s little black dresses. This one is tight and long sleeved with a high neck but it’s completely backless. Put a dress like this with a pair of suede ankle boots and you’ve got a combination that works for any occasion. I straighten my dress, adjust my boobs and push out my belly as much as I can. I channel my inner wifey and stalk over to Ghost and his newest lady friends. He actually looks at my protruding belly in concern and I have to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. I poke his chest and hiss, “This is how I find you? All over a couple of nice ladies? Did you tell them, Ash? Did you tell them when I was due?” I point down at my belly and the two women look at me with sadness in their eyes before glaring up at Ghost. One woman tells him, “You’re an asshole!” while the other says, “You should be ashamed of yourself!” They shoot me apologetic looks before they walk away. Ghost’s head falls back as he roars with laughter. He looks back at me smiling hard. “I might be angry if you weren’t so ridiculous.” Smiling back at him, I pinch the sides of the skintight dress and curtsy. “I’m here all night. Try the veal.” His smiling eyes turn predatory as he very obviously takes me in. He stalks over to me, takes my hand and pulls me to him. Lowering his face to my neck, he breathes me in. My eyes widen and I tense, stiff as a board. This has to be a joke. At least, I think he’s playing with me until his breath heats my neck as he says, “Conference room is free, pretty

girl. Nat and Asher round two is sounding real good right now.” My body becomes lax in his hold, but my head screams don’t do it! I lean my head back, allowing him better access and he trails kisses up my neck and behind my ear. My head clears a little and with the best British accent I can summon, I pat his shoulder and say, “Not tonight, dear.” Why I thought that would work, I really have no idea. Without detaching his skilled mouth from my neck, Ghost moves my arms from my sides and lifts them to circle his neck. He wraps me up and pulls me tighter into his hard body. I feel his arousal through his jeans and instinctively rub my front against it. Ghost groans then says, “C’mon, pretty girl. At least give me a birthday kiss.” What the frick? Pushing his shoulders back hard, I look up into his face, my expression stunned. “It’s your birthday?” He shrugs like it’s no big deal, replying, “Yeah, a few days ago.” I’m so freakin’ pissed. My face scrunches and I push his shoulder again even harder. I tell him, “You are such an assface!” Ghost’s face becomes confused and he asks, “What did I say?” Putting my arms in the air, I answer loudly, “Nothing! That’s the point! You weren’t gonna tell me? Friends tell each other things like that. I could’ve made you a cake!” I puff out an annoyed breath, take his hand and drag him upstairs right past the booth of our friends’ questioning glances, through the door behind the VIP bar, and all the way down to the conference room. Once I push him into the dimly lit room, I lock the door, turn my angry face up to look into his clearly confused face and tell him, “Happy motherfucking birthday, douchebag.” Then I slowly pull my arms out of my sleeves and slide the top of my dress down to my stomach to reveal my bare breasts. His hooded gaze passes over my body as he sits on the edge of the conference table. The alcohol I’ve consumed this evening makes this easier than it would be otherwise. He lifts his face to mine and crooks a finger at me. And like some invisible string is attached to that finger, my feet slowly move towards him. When I reach his knee, I ask, “What is this?” Ghosts looks into my eyes and shrugs. “Two people fucking.” I nod in agreement then smile. “Two neighbors fucking.” He smirks. “Two friends fucking.” My smile turns into a grin. “Just two people who enjoy fucking.” Ghost finishes on a chuckle, “And like saying fuck a lot.” Oh yeah, this is awesome!

“Okay. I’m good with that.” I agree, nodding. Ghost brushes my cheek with his thumb in a tender gesture. He says softly, “I promised myself if I ever got you again I’d do it right.” Oh dear God. The feels! That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard him say, and it affects me so much that I have to cover it quick, or risk him seeing this means something more to me. Fake laughter bursts out of me and I ask him, “Wait. You think two orgasms is wrong? I like the monkey sex, Ash. I like it a lot.” Ghost stands and runs his hands down my arms. He lowers his face to mine and speaks against my lips, “No more talking, pretty girl. I want you.” Sweet baby Jesus, I want him too. The moisture seeps from my core, soaking my thong. What do you expect? The man is a sexual god and the last time I had sex was over a year ago! With my brain-to-mouth filter still on the fritz, I accidentally blurt out, “I missed you.” And as I’m saying it my brain mentally shouts STOP! I immediately feel like a jackass. My face flushes, my body tenses and I’m mortified. His fingers come under my chin. He tries to lift my face, but I pull away from his hold. He says firmly, “Look at me.” He says this in a way that I know it isn’t a request. I lift my face but avoid contact with his eyes. He pulls his arms tight around my waist and sighs. “Let me tell you a story. One day, right here at the club, I met this girl. Some crazyassed girl. She had bright purple-pink hair, gorgeous green eyes with a rocking curvy body that could make any man hard. Fucking stunning.” He pauses for effect and I try desperately to hide my grin behind my hand. My hair was magenta, actually. But, do go on… Catching my grin, the ass smirks. He clears his throat and continues. “So, as per usual, I’m a fucking ass to her. That’s not because of her, it’s just who I am. But instead of running or getting upset, she stares me down like the asshole I am. And I can only think about one thing.” He plays with my hair and runs his hands down my bare back as though he’s finished telling his story. Clearly going insane from not knowing, I demand, “Well? What was the one thing?” Ghost moves his large hands to rest on my hips and stares at my breasts. Completely ignoring me, he mumbles, “Fuck. You’ve got great tits, babe.” I open my mouth to hurl some form of abuse at him when he lowers his face in between my breasts and nuzzles the sensitive flesh there.

Leaning back, I sigh, running my fingers through his now-short hair. Against my skin, he admits, “The only thing I could think about was how that girl was somehow going to rock my world. And, fuck me, she did. I was sneaking around to get close to her. Making sure she had no place to sit apart from next to me so I could listen to her talk. Something about that girl was calming me. Making life easier for me.” Planting kisses up my chest to my throat, he nips the skin there and goes on. “Then just when I think everything’s going well, she stiffs me. Tells me we should avoid each other. And even though it damn near kills me, I tell her it’s cool, even though it’s really fucking not. So I spend the next few months fucking everything with a pulse because I can’t have that girl.” My heart squeezes at that last part. I had no idea he felt that way. I was too selfish to notice. His kisses a trail up my chin, tracing up my jaw and back down til he reaches my lips once more. I hold his face in my hands and smack gentle kisses on his lips while looking into his eyes. An almost apology. With smiling eyes, he continues. “The thing is, nothing I did got this girl out of my head. She became an obsession. My choice of girls got pickier. No redheads. No green eyes. No curves. No attitude.” He runs his thumb over my bottom lip. “Definitely no sexy-as-hell, full blowjob lips.” His intense stare remains focused on my lips and he whispers, “Spent months thinking about what these lips would taste like. Fucking drove me crazy.” I swallow hard. Holy shitballs, this is intense. Then again everything with Ghost is intense. With every word he says, my heart swells a little. I almost have a pulse again. I’m nearly alive again. I put my hands on his chest and manage to find my voice, “Why didn’t you say anything?” He shushes me, makes a show of clearing his throat and continues the story. “Then one night, I think I’ve gone nuts because there she is, the obsession, at my door. Fuck me. So beautifully mussed. She’s in these goofy pajamas, her slippers are actual mouse heads and she’s angry. Real angry. She tells me we’re neighbors and to please fuck my night’s conquest a little quieter. As quickly as she came, she’s gone. No way in hell I can get it up now, so I send the woman home. But all night I think about my obsession. And knowing she lives next to me, without even having contact with her, it makes me calmer and lighter. It’s like the seven months without her were forgotten and I knew I had to do something to keep her around.” He kisses me softly once, twice. Then, “Now, after all that bullshit, I know a few things.” He kisses me again, his tongue traces my lips. “I know she tastes like cherries and smells like vanilla. That I can trust her and I do. We’re friends because we understand each other. She told me once we’re the same kind. We just get each other. She’s the first person I’ve met

who doesn’t want to change me or force me to open up. She just lets me be. And that’s what I need.” He grins against my lips. “So, I guess you could say I missed you too, pretty girl.” Oh. My. God. My belly warms. I’m full of feels right now. I’m on an information overload. I had no idea about any of this. He calls me his obsession and I totally get it. It’s not a creepy thing. I am for him what he is to me. He’s my sexual perfection and nothing else compares. I want him. He wants me. And knowing he missed me as much as I missed him is awesome. I feel like we’re equal. No one has the upper hand here. There’s a mutual trust we share. He didn’t have to share, but he did because he trusts me to keep that information safe. And, by thunder, I will. My lips still against his, I whisper, “Your kisses give me a lady boner.” Puffs of his breath mingle with mine as he chuckles. I smile. This is nice. Feeling braver after listening to his little story, I step back from him. Running my fingertips down my ribs to my hips, I lightly grip my dress, then push it past my thighs to fall onto the floor. I watch as his eyes trace every curve of my body. Only wearing a little black thong and ankle boots, I take his hand and pull him to stand. “I want to see you tonight. All of you.” His brow furrows and he opens his mouth to argue but I cut him off with a kiss. I pull back a little and speak, “I’ve already seen you, Ash. I want it. All or nothing.” Neither of us says a thing for a few moments. I allow his silence but decide to make some form of contact. Knowing I could be making a huge mistake makes my gut clench. Putting on a brave face, I reach for the hem of his t-shirt and grip it. I look up and into his eyes for some form of permission. Wearing a frown, he nods once avoiding my eyes. Relief courses through my veins and I slowly lift his shirt. My heart thumps in anger when the first scar appears just below his bellybutton and it just gets worse with the more I see. They’re all so jagged and angry looking, puffed but faded. I wonder where they came from. Masking my emotions, I lift the shirt over his head and try my hardest to look into his face. I rest my hands lightly around the base of his neck and clear my throat. He lifts his lowered face to look up at me and I smile my most saucy smile. I whisper, “Let’s get it on.” His lip tilts up at one corner to form a crooked, sexy smile. Oh, yeah baby! It’s on. Chapter Thirteen The beginning of an affair

Ghost’s hands roam all over my body, caressing my breasts, stomach and ass. I feel wanted and worshipped. Our mouths connect in a sensual frenzy, licking and nipping, while I struggle with his belt buckle. I growl into his mouth and when the buckle finally comes loose, I pull back and shriek, “Yes!” He chuckles before reconnecting our mouths. I really like his kisses. They make my hoo-hah quiver with delight. I make light work of unbuttoning his jeans and as soon as I have access, I slide my hand down his belly and into his jeans, knowing full well he’s going commando. Smiling against his mouth when I reach his cock, I can barely wrap my small hand around its width, but I manage. I slowly stroke him up and down. He gasps, pulls his face away from mine and shouts, “Fuck me!” as he closes his eyes and raises his head heavenward. Using my thumb, I trace the head of his shaft, using his pre-come as lubrication as I stroke him. I feel his shudder as he thrusts up into my hold. On a groan, he straightens and pulls himself free from my hands. And I pout like a child who had her candy taken away. He redeems himself almost immediately when he lowers my thong to the floor, pushes me to sit on the edge of the conference table, lifts my boot covered foot to his shoulder and lowers his face to swipe his tongue along my wet folds. I gasp. “Oh, sweet baby Jesus! Don’t stop, Ash!” And he doesn’t. He eats me like I’m thanksgiving dinner. My stomach clenches and my eyes roll back in pleasure. The wet warmth of his tongue against me is almost more than I can handle. I find it hard to catch my breath, huffing, puffing and moaning. It’s never been like this with anyone before. He’s eating me like I’m his last meal. I think this is going to be some sort of record. He flattens his tongue and laves my opening, then works his way up to suck my clit into his mouth. He suckles me gently and the tingles start in my middle, making my core contract tight as a bow. I moan long before I yell out, “Holy shit, I’m gonna come!” Still eating me like he’s getting paid for it, Asher’s groan vibrates against my pussy. And that is that, my friends. Overcome by ecstasy, my legs shake, my core jolts once, twice before fireworks explode behind my eyelids and my pussy pulsates hard in one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had. Still pulsing, Ghost pushes his tongue in and out of me, and like gasoline to a flame, it fuels a second orgasm. The gates have opened at bliss central! If he doesn’t stop this, I’m going to pass out from pleasure overload. I grip the back of his head with both hands and whimper. He groans and pushes his face deeper into me as my body shakes and I grind against his face, riding it out as I come lighter

the second time round. Moments pass and my hands become lax on Ghost’s head. Smiling in a complete blissful daze, I pet him like a kitten. He gently wipes his mouth on my thigh and stands. And I really can’t help myself, with his chest right in my face I stare wide eyed and wonder what it used to look like. Maybe it was a car wreck? There are definite burn marks on him as well as lacerations. I just can’t place the scene in my head. What could cause destruction like this? Imagine the pain… I realize my stupidity as soon as he steps away from me. My brow furrows, I catch his hand and firmly say, “No.” Running my thumb over his knuckles, I go on, “I- I’m sorry, Ash. I promise I won’t look.” And I genuinely mean that. There is no way I should be making him any more uncomfortable than what he clearly is. It’s clear he’s angry. Inhaling deep, he avoids my gaze and growls, “You shouldn’t have to look at it. Fuckin’ offending your pretty eyes with this bullshit.” He motions to his chest with his free hand. I hate seeing him like this. So full of hate and anger. I’m used to him being reserved but not angry. Using the hand I captured, I pull him closer until he’s pressed against my naked body, only to find his erection is gone. What a crying shame. You, my dear, are an asshole. I am so pissed at myself. I just couldn’t help myself. I am so stupid sometimes. An idea passes through my deranged brain and before I get a second to think about it, I wrap my legs loosely around his, digging the heels of my boots into his calves. Placing my hands on his hips, I slide them around, down his back to grip his firm ass. I feel his gaze on me, burning through me. This is the second bad decision I’ve had in one night. Damn, alcohol. You’re a bad friend. Here goes nothing. Leaning my face forward very slowly, I inch closer to his scarred chest. I see his stomach clench in anticipation. Fearing he’ll pull away from me, I grip his ass so tight that my nails dig into his skin. The idea of marking someone used to excite me, but now that I’m confronted with what I’m sure was once a beautiful chest, the idea repulses me. I quickly loosen my hold on him and press a lingering open mouth kiss directly in the middle of his chest. Ghost’s breathing escalates and his hands form tight fists by his sides. He whispers hoarsely, “Don’t.”

Ignoring him, I press another open mouthed kiss on him and playfully lick his nipple. His body becomes stiff as a board but I do my best to ignore it. I’m on a mission. With my legs still wrapped around him, I release his butt and move my hands up and down his back in a sensual massage. I want to stand on the table and do a cheer when his body begins to relax. A few more kisses to his chest, and I feel him harden behind his jeans. And even though I want to do cartwheels, I focus on the big picture. I lick around one nipple then suck it hard, all the while rubbing my wet, naked sex onto his jean covered hard-on. Using the same technique on the other nipple, I smile against it when he groans long and low. Licking from the center of his chest all the way to his throat, I gasp when he grips the hair at the base of my neck tightly. He pulls gently for me to look up at him, and when I do, I see his soft brown eyes are dark and hooded. He grunts, “How do you want it?” Still minus my brain-to-mouth filter, I whisper, “Fuck me like you hate me.” An almost cruel smile crosses his face. He utters, “Fuck yeah.” He releases my hair and kisses me hard, his tongue playfully touching mine. Kicking off his shoes, he places his thumbs into his jeans, pulls them down and steps out of them. I watch in awe as he strokes his hard length right in my face. Such a damn tease! Not being able to resist, I lean forward to take it in my mouth but he pulls back and tuts. “You can have it when you ask nicely.” My eyes narrow and I glare up at him. I want to shout a huge fuck you but I am thirsty. And Ghost’s cock is a tall glass of lemonade on a summer’s day. I look up into his eyes and through gritted teeth I ask, “Ghost, can I please suck it?” His eyes crinkle in the corners as he responds, “What exactly do you want to suck?” Oh my godfather! The freakin’ nerve of this guy! Exhaling loudly, I ask, “Can I please suck your cock?” He shakes his head and states, “You didn’t ask properly, so you can’t have it. The correct term is may I. And whenever I’m with you, only you, I’m Asher not Ghost.” Wow. Is it stupid that I like when he gets all crazy control freak? Okay, so even though he’s being the world’s biggest douchebag on a power trip, I somehow feel like I’m getting a privilege here. And it’s nice. My heart warms and my face softens as I whisper, “May I please suck your cock, Asher?” I’m immediately rewarded when he leans down and softly kisses my lips. “That’s my girl.” I like being called his girl. Especially during our super happy fun time.

Stepping back from me a little, his shaft is a vision. Long, thick and angry looking. I wrap my hands around it and lean forward to lick the wetness from the slit. The taste of salt hits me and closing my eyes, I lick again and again til Asher groans and thrusts into my face. Taking the hint, I open my mouth and suck the head slowly. Two can play the torture game. With the head of his cock in my mouth, I poke my tongue out as far as I can and gently bob my head, moving my tongue along the sensitive underside. He groans again, louder this time and fresh wetness seeps from me. I peek up at him to find his head tilted up with his eyes closed in agonizing bliss. And I suddenly understand the games. This is all he has to give me. He is giving me a gift right now. No one has ever seen him like this before. Uninhibited and out of control. And I caused it. Go me! Bobbing further down his length, I know I won’t be able to fit it all in. Damn my small mouth to hell! Just as I get my mouth around half his shaft, he hisses and pulls away from me. Frowning, I look up at him. He breathes heavily and croaks, “No more. I can’t take anymore.” A shy smile forms on my lips and I move to stand, but he places a hand on my shoulder, stopping me. “No. Like this. I wanna see you this time.” Placing his hands under my ass, he pulls me forward til I’m almost falling off the edge of the conference table. He holds one leg up using his forearm and moves closer to me. Our most intimate parts kiss and I moan. Asher looks down at me and whispers, “Condom,” but doesn’t move an inch. The last time we had spontaneous monkey sex, we didn’t use a condom and I had an almost pregnancy scare. Shaking my head, I reply on a whisper, “No. I can’t- It’s okay. I’m safe.” His lip lifts in the corner and he says, “Me too.” My smile vanishes on a gasp when he takes his shaft in his hands and presses it to my opening. Holy shit! He’s thicker than I remember. Pushing into me inch by torturous inch, he breathes heavily and says through clenched teeth, “Fuck you’re tight, pretty girl.” In a blissful state, I don’t even think when I answer. “Sorry. It’s been a while.” Asher stops pushing into me and lifts his confused face. He smirks. “A week isn’t that long.” Still floating in bliss, I push myself further onto him and state, “I didn’t have sex a week ago. I haven’t had sex for over a year. Conference room round one was over a year ago.”

A hand comes under my chin and lifts it to look up at him. His eyes have softened, but I feel the heat radiating off them. He asks slowly, “Last time you had sex was with me?” Oh, wow. You are on a roll with the stupid, lady. Realizing what I’ve just given away, speech fails me. Simply nodding seems like the best option right now. His eyes crinkle as he kisses me and says against my lips, “Fuck me. You are something else.” Asher’s face strains in concentration. He pushes forward and I moan. Fully impaled, my eyes roll back and I begin to beg, “Please, fuck me. I need it so bad.” Eyes still closed, I hear him respond, “Let me take care of you.” He pulls out almost completely then thrust back into me. Hard. Bright lights dance before my eyes and I moan. “Oh, yeah. Just like that, baby.” Leaning over me, he puts his forehead on mine, grips under my ass and thrusts hard, over and over. It feels so good that I could weep from joy. A year of rubbing one out completely forgotten. This is what sex is. This is what sex should be. Animalistic and passionate. He fucks like a machine. Oh my freakin’ God, he is good! As good as I remembered. Really. Maybe even better. Oh hell, it was a long time ago, okay? With my leg still hoisted over his forearm, I use it to balance myself as I lift my hips in time with his thrusts, giving as good as I get. The sound of slapping bodies fills the air and my nipples harden. I am burning up! He growls low before taking my mouth in a hard kiss that makes me whimper. The tingles start low in my spine and my mind screams too soon! Just as I’m about to warn Ash that I’m going to come again he pulls away from our kiss and chokes out, “Come with me, girl. Next time I’ll make it better. I promise.” I yell out, “Thank God! I’m coming, Ash!” My core tightens around him just as he stiffens. White spots appear in front of my eyes and blissful warmth soars through me. The contractions hit me hard. I moan loudly and my hips jerk me further into him. Clenching tight, I can feel him jerk his release inside of me. He groans and thrusts. Once, twice, three times, then stills, panting. My body becomes limp from exhaustion. A long moment passes because neither of us can seem to get our shit together. We just stay as we are, joined together most intimately. Our foreheads touch and we pant into each other’s faces. I reach up with one arm to circle his neck and press my lips lightly to his. When

I whisper, “Happy birthday, Ash,” he shakes in silent laughter and presses harder into my mouth, deepening our kiss. Pulling away, he says, “Thanks, pretty girl.” When he pulls out of me, I almost whimper from the sudden loss and emptiness I feel. This is the point I expect this whole situation is going to get awkward…but it never does. I sit naked on the edge of the conference table wearing only my boots. Asher picks up my clothes and hands them to me then puts his jeans back on. I slide the dress over my head and adjust it to look as normal as I can get it. Unable to find my thong anywhere, I give up, stand and walk over to a still semi naked Ghost. I’ve noticed he seldom smiles but his eyes do a lot. And I like that. Walking over to him, I see his eyes crinkle. I smile at him, wrap my arms around his waist and kiss his chest. He stiffens a little but I can see he’s getting used to it. In between kisses, I ask, “Are we going to wait another year to do this again?” His hand reaches up to squeeze the back of my neck as he replies, “That all depends on you, girl.” I really like the neck thing. It feels possessive and dominant. Taking a moment to try to activate my brain-to-mouth filter, I realize I’m too late when I blurt out, “I really just wanna fuck you whenever I feel like it.” Insert face-palm here. My face flushes but luckily he doesn’t take offence. Relief flows through me as he rubs my back gently and chuckles his response, “Well, right on. I’m all for that.” And just like that, Asher Collins and I are having an affair…I think. Hmmm, I must clarify this with him. Searching for the right way to put this, I admit, “I don’t want anyone to know about this, Ash.” His hand stills at my back and, damn it, I’m worried I’ve made yet another huge mistake. Before he can answer, I go on, “It’s not the way you think. I’m not ashamed of you.” Looking at him so he can see the sincerity in my eyes, I tell him, “It’s just that with all the Cole stuff that happened and everyone feeling the need to give me their opinions lately, I guess I just want something that’s just mine. Something private. Something I won’t be judged for or have people butt their asses into. Do you get me, or do I just sound like some crazy-assed rambling woman?” His eyes search me a moment before he responds. “Yeah. I get it.” The response is gruff but he softens it by putting stray hairs behind my ear. Excited by the fact that Gh- I mean Asher will be fucking me again soon has me giddy. Smiling hard at him and squeezing his waist, I ask, “So what are the rules?” His eyes widen comically as he asks, “There are rules?”

Rolling my eyes at his dramatics, I utter, “Uh, yeah. If we’re going to do this, we both need to be on the same page. So I’ll go first.” I tilt my head and narrow my eyes in thought before I gasp, “No talking about feelings.” Ash nods his agreement, “Yeah, that shit’s for pussies. Good one. Okay.” He thinks a moment then smiles a saucy smile, “If there’s a door with a lock, anywhere is fair game.” Leaning back to look up at him in disbelief, I say, “Wow. Um, okay. I’m for it.” I rub his chest absentmindedly thinking, then say, “We can call on each other at any hour. Day or night.” Kneading my ass with his large hands, he responds, “Fuck yeah. That’s a given.” He looks down at me seriously. “You sure you want to do this, pretty girl? I can be very demanding.” Scoffing, I reply, “Oh, honey. You have no idea what you’re in for.” I mentally smirk. He really doesn’t. Chapter Fourteen Skeletons in the closet…everyone has them Waking with a smile on my face, I squint over at the digital alarm clock. The blaring red numbers flash 5:25am. I am so tired but deliriously happy. That’s what three orgasms in an hour will do to a woman. We only arrived home a couple of hours ago. The rest of last night went perfectly. When I say it went perfectly, I mean when Asher and I re-emerged from our sex den, all we had to

do was call each other a few choice names while giving each other dirty looks and no one suspected a thing. At least, I think they didn’t. Tina looked a little shocked when Ash demanded I wait for him so we can go home together, but when he mentioned that he wanted to check my apartment to make sure it was safe, Tina got all dreamy happy. And I seriously wanted to slap her. Lola and Trick were wrapped up in each other, being all cute and so them, not even noticing we were gone. Mimi and Nik kept narrowing their eyes at my lips which I’m sure were pink and puffy from the rough kissing during the sexiness, but I just looked at them with a confused expression on my face as if I couldn’t work out what they were looking at. Mimi straight-up frowned at me but let it go. Nik just shook his head as if clearing it. Score: Nat 1 - the world 0. We spent the rest of the night talking and laughing at the booth. Max and I were huddled close, flirting and touching. Ash was not happy about that. He didn’t have to say anything. The look on his face was enough to see he was seething. And moronically, it made me feel good to see his jealous side come out. So, of course, I played a little harder. Kissing Max’s cheek and whispering dirty nothings into his ear until around 3am when Ash pulled me up by my arm and announced we were leaving. Not even giving me a chance to give more than a goodbye wave, he dragged me to his hot-as-hell muscle car and helped me in. When I was in and ready to go, he turned his scowling face to me and demanded, “Suck me.” It starts. My heart thumped excitedly. Putting on my sexy smile, I unbuttoned his jeans and whispered, “Gladly.” It was dirty and awesome. There we were in the front seat of his sexy car, in The White Rabbit’s parking lot with his seat pushed back. Me, leaning over the seat to take him into my mouth, my bare ass in the air, a free show to anyone who walked past. By the time Ash was ready to blow, I was ready to blow myself. Through a groan, he said “It’s coming, girl. Where do you want it?” I didn’t respond, just bobbed my head faster and deeper. He stroked my hair and whispered, “Dirty girl. Fuck. So dirty. You want my load? Take it, baby.” Then he came. With every jerk of his orgasm, warm saltiness filled my mouth. And like the good girl I am, I swallowed it up then wiped the sides of my mouth. Smiling up at him, I returned to my seat, buckled up and off we went. When we arrived home, he didn’t say goodnight, just slapped my ass when he walked by me to his apartment. Twice. Hard. My face scrunched, I rubbed my sore butt and mouthed Ow at him. He just winked at me then went into his apartment. Now, I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think that was a

warning about being too openly frivolous with Mad Max. I fell asleep with a smile on my face, thinking about when and where the next round would take place. So now in the wee hours of the morn, I’m wide awake. Well, my brain isn’t but my body is burning. I know we started this affair saying that we could call on each other day or night, anytime, but am I really going to go over there right now? Yes. The answer is yes. I throw the covers off smiling like a complete ass and basically run down the hall, only stopping to get the key to Asher’s apartment. I skid down the hall and unlock his door fast as I can, giggling all the way. Once inside his place, I hear moaning coming from his bedroom. I stop in my tracks. And my heart squeezes. I’m dead. I’ve died. My heart kick starts with a vengeance and I storm up the hall and make my way to his room so fucking angry that my heart is now racing. Blood roars through my ears. I won’t ever admit that my heart is silently breaking. Really? The fucker came twice tonight and he’s already got some floozy in his bed? What an asshole! Just when I get to his bedroom door and start to open to door, the anger fades. I think for a moment about what this will mean for us if I can’t control my emotions which, funnily enough, was one of my rules in this affair. My heart says don’t do it while my brain screams shame the fucker! Before I can think too hard about it I throw open the door and switch on the light. I gasp, put a hand to my chest and step back from this horrific scene. Oh God, no! Asher thrashes on his bed, red faced and moaning loudly in pain. His eyes are shut, but they move rapidly beneath closed lids. I don’t know what’s happening here. A sob catches in my throat watching this disturbing mess. He gasps in heaving breaths and shouts out, “No!” Having had a moment to steady myself, I run to the edge of his bed and try in vain to wake him. With his thrashing, I can’t seem to get close enough to him to touch him. His back arches and his eyes squeeze shut as he bares his teeth. An agonizing gurgling noise sounds from low in his throat before he screams in a childlike voice, “Mom, help me!” I don’t know what to do. I’m petrified. I’m losing my inner battle to keep calm. Unblinking, tears rush down my face as I sob hysterically. No longer caring about being hit by his flailing limbs, I grab at his hands and hold them. His foot connects with my stomach

and I moan in pain. One of his hands comes free from mine, and he backhands me across the face yelling, “NO!” I’m too heartbroken by this situation to even shout for him to stop. I sob so hard I can barely get a full breath in. He grips my hair tight and pulls so hard I think he might actually rip it out of my head. I yelp in pain. After a second, his hand comes loose from my hair and he pushes me back hard. I stumble back from the bed and fall flat on my ass with an oomph. Ash sits up in bed and looks around his room in confusion before turning to look into my eyes. The only thing that can be heard is our combined heavy breathing. His face turns passive as he puffs out heavy breaths. “What are you doing here?” he asks quietly. Overwhelmed by heartbreak, I sit on the floor, lower my face to my shaking hands and silently sob. I hear shuffling before I’m pulled back into a hard body and wrapped up tight. Asher rocks me and coos reassuring words til I finally settle. The silence is comforting. After a moment, he whispers into my ear, “I’m so sorry, pretty girl. I feel like an asshole. Did I hurt you?” I feel his shame seeping through him like poison. He obviously has no idea I just went through another Cole moment. Ignoring his question, I whisper back, “What the hell happened to you, Ash?” Tightening his arms around me, sitting on the cold floor together, he sighs. “They’re dreams. Well, technically nightmares, I think.” He pauses before he corrects himself. “Actually, they’re fuckin’ memories.” My heart squeezes. The scars. I’m sure this all stems from the scars, and even though I really don’t want to hear it, I think I have to hear it. I think he needs to tell it as much as I need to hear it. I think back to that day at The White Rabbit when he taught us self-defense and what he said to me, “You need to tell them, pretty girl. If you don’t tell anyone about it, it’ll eat away at you. You’ll stop seeing your friends and you’ll stop going out. You’ll be a fraction of the person you were without their support. You’ll lose that fierce about you and just become cold. You’ll become me.” I guess what they say is true. Everyone has skeletons buried deep in their closets. Clearing my throat. I ask, “Can you let me up?” When he releases me, I stand and turn to face him. I hold out my hand for him to take. He stares at my hand, unsure of what to do. Not giving him an option, I reach forward, take his hand and help him up. As soon as he’s up, I wrap my arm around his waist and pull him to his bed. Without asking permission, I pull back the dark blue covers and climb in. I look up at him and pat the free side next to me but he shakes his head. “I can’t fall asleep with you. Iuh- I get violent. I don’t want to hurt you, babe,” he says quietly,

Nodding, I reply, “Okay. We won’t sleep. We’ll just talk.” When his face becomes pained, I amend quickly, “Talk about anything, Ash. It doesn’t need to be anything specific. Maybe I want to know what your favorite cereal is.” He doesn’t smile but his eyes crinkle. After a moment of stillness, he walks over to the door and switches off the light before climbing into bed. Once he’s settled next to me, I move over to him and lay my cheek on his scarred chest. I wrap my pajama covered leg over his pajama covered leg and sigh. He strokes my hair and asks, “So, I got you, huh?” Replying with closed eyes, I confess, “Yeah, you got me good, too.” His kisses my head and speaks into my hair, “I’m so fucking sorry, girl. I don’t remember any of the shit that goes on when the nightmares start. It’s like I’m eight years old again.” Oh, God. Eight years old. Something horrific happened to him when he was eight fucking years old. Thinking about Ash as a child and in agony, makes me want to ugly cry, but I hold it together. Instead, I turn my head a little and place kisses on his chest. “So what’s your favorite cereal?” His body shakes in silent laughter as he replies, “Chocolate rice puffs.” Smiling into his chest, I tell him, “I’m an original rice puffs kind of girl.” Body still shaking with mirth, he says, “Good to know.” Then squeezes me tighter. Enjoying this cuddling session, I’m a little surprised when he asks, “Nat, do you think you could talk to me? About anything.” I lift my head to look into his shadowed face. He plays with my hair and goes on, “I like your voice. It makes me stop thinking.” My heart swells and I’m relieved that I can do something to help him. Without answering him, I rest my cheek on his chest. “When I was eleven years old, Nina cut my hair into a Mohawk.” My body bounces on his as he bursts into laughter. He laughs long and hard and I tell him, “Yeah. The faux hawk looks good on you. Unfortunately, not a good look on me.” I suddenly remember the last time I was in this room: so were my sisters and the girls. It was such a great morning and because of that, it became a great day. Tina came to bring him a present… “Ash, what did Tina get you for your birthday?” I feel him shrug as he replies softly, “No idea. It’s still wrapped on the bookcase.” “Well, that’s a very ass thing to do!” I scoff. Before he can stop me, I’m up and walking over to the bookcase to retrieve the wrapped present. Once I’ve got it, I make my way back to his bed. “Switch on the lamp, will ya?” With a huge sigh, he turns on the lamp and we’re suddenly illuminated in low light. Smiling, I hold out his gift. “Would you like me to sing for you?” My voice is dead

seriousness. Rolling his eyes, I chuckle as he snatches his gift from my hand and unwraps it. His brow furrows for a moment before his eyes crinkle at the sides and a big smile appears on his face. He turns the bright pink photo frame around to me, and I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. Gotta love Tina. She’s the only person who could get away with giving a gift like this without any repercussions. The photo is of baby Tatiana and Asher. Asher lies on his back holding Tatiana above his head. Tatiana fights to come down to his level. She holds Asher’s ears, lowering her head to suck on Asher’s nose. Asher’s profile shows he’s smiling a very sweet, genuine smile. Sweet baby Jesus. Look at the smile. Those are some extreme feels. My heart swells looking at the two of them. He looks so happy. I utter, “She’s so beautiful.” Nodding, Ash replies, “Yeah, she is. I’d do anything for Tatiana or Ceecee.” Feeling his eyes on me, I look up to find him searching my face. Just before I tell him to knock it off, he tells me, “You’d be a good mom.” And just like that, my heart goes from swelling to shrinking. Wearing a tight smile, I move away from him, take the frame and place it on his nightstand. Sitting back down on his bed, I tell him, “I can’t have kids.” Before he can respond to that, I go on, “And that really sucks because I wanted kids. I wanted marriage, kids and two pug dogs named Pizza and Donut. Then we had sex and didn’t use protection. Next thing I know my period didn’t come and I just assumed I was pregnant.” Looking up into his stunned face, I tell him, “Which is cool. I would’ve been fine with that. Actually, once I convinced myself that I was pregnant, I was pretty damn happy about it. I met this doctor in the city and he does an ultrasound, umm-ing and ahh-ing and tells me ‘Sorry, doll. No kids for you.’” I finish with a short humorless laugh. Asher doesn’t say a thing for a long while. After a moment, his brows bunch and he says, “Was it something I did?” Huh? “What do you mean?” His eyes slide down to my belly. “Was I too rough or some shit? Is that why you can’t have kids? Did I fuck you up somehow?” Oh no. He thinks he did this to me.

Crawling across the bed to him, I kiss the top of his head and tell him, “No, Ash. It wasn’t you. You just helped me figure out I had something wrong with me. Nothing you did would’ve changed the outcome. I’m just not destined to have children. That’s it. I swear.” Nodding but holding a look of incredulity, he states, “I like rough sex. I don’t know why, I just fucking do.” Looking up at me and holding my eyes, he asks, “Did the doctor say there was absolutely no chance I broke you or are you just saying that to make me feel better?” It’s sweet that he cares so much. He looks so damn devastated, and I try so hard that I’m sure my face is bright red, but I can’t help what happens next. I burst into laughter. Right in his face. It might be the fact that I’ve had two hours of sleep or it might be the fact that Ash thinks he broke me, but I can’t stop laughing. My head falls onto his shoulder with a plop and I feel his body shake with laughter too. He wraps me up in his arms and I laugh into him. I choke out between my laughter. “You think you BROKE me, Ash! What the fuck?” He chuckles. “I don’t know how a woman’s body works! Fuck!” Still wrapped up in him, he whispers, “What am I gonna do with you, girl?” He kisses the side of my neck, and although I lift my head to give him better access, I know there’s no time for a play session this morning. I grip his shoulders as he plants his mouth firmer onto my throat. My breathing heavies and my eyes close from the pleasure his skilled mouth is bringing me, but I manage to utter, “Ash, I need a shower. I have to get to work, like, soon.” With that he groans against my neck and releases me from his hold. We stare at each other for a few seconds before he prompts with smiling eyes, “Shower, babe.” I whisper, “Right. Yeah. Shower.” Acting on impulse, I slide my palm up his thigh to grip him through his pajama pants. His eyes darken and his mouth parts slightly. “This is gonna keep, right?” Smiling that damn crooked smile I love so much, he answers, “For you, babe. It’ll keep for months.” Smiling, I lean forward to kiss his lips and whisper against them, “That was a great answer.” Then I hop up, walk out of his apartment and go back to mine to shower and get ready for work.

Chapter Fifteen Rocking my world Growing up, I loved Disney movies. I love Disney movies so much that my sisters and I still watch them together. I don’t think you can ever be too old to watch Disney. Why am I bringing this up? I’m bringing this up because after this morning’s lust, fright, then deep and meaningful discussions with Asher, I feel lighter. While I walk the concrete sidewalk to get to work, I actually feel like Snow White, daintily dancing through the forest with her little critter friends following her as she sings. Only my little forest critters are actually those awful grey pigeons. I’m pretty sure those pigeons carry diseases. And here comes one now. I sidestep the pigeon and carry on my golden path. Nothing’s going to bring me down today! Arriving in front of Safira’s, I flash my brightest smile and push the door open. Walking across the studio, I greet anyone and everyone with, “Good morning, bitches!” No one answers, and I chuckle because I’m sure they’re all tired and hung-over from the night before. When I arrive into the store room, my blood runs cold. Tina sits on the desk sniffling and wiping at her eyes. Whoever hurt my best friend is fucked! I say, “Honey bear, what’s wrong?” as I wrap her into a hug. She sobs into my shoulder and squeaks, “It doesn’t match!” What the hell? Moving her long dark hair out of her face, I prompt her to start from the start. “Come again?” Still sobbing, she holds up two of Safira’s catalogues and points to a dress that appears in both. She chokes out, “The printing company got the color wrong!” Confusion furrows my brow while I look hard at both catalogues. I honestly can’t see a difference and I tell Tina that. She drags me out of the store room and over to the display windows so I can see them in the sunlight. She pokes one catalogue with tears pouring out of her pretty green eyes. I look closer and still can’t see the difference in color. Giving up, I ask her, “What’s wrong, beba? This isn’t about some silly catalogue, right?” I get no response to this. Tina simply lifts her head and wails loudly. Okay, I’m losing my shit freaking out. I’m not really good with emotions. I mean, I have a lot of them, I just don’t know how to address other women’s unexplained ugly cries. I’ve dealt with many versions of Tina, but I have never seen her like this. She’s gone cuckoo bananas. I look around in panic before I get a stupid idea.

Panic! I run across the room to the counter, fiddle underneath it til I feel the protruding knob and press the panic button. As soon as I press it, relief courses through me knowing Nik will be here in a second to deal with today’s crazy-assed version of my best friend Tina. Not a second later, I cringe as I realize that Asher’s head probably just exploded from the amount of noise that thing causes in The White Rabbit’s security room. Less than a minute passes before Nik barges through the door and as he opens his mouth to say something, spots an inconsolable Tina with her head raised up to the ceiling, sobbing like a mad woman. I look over at him with a what the fuck expression, but he just sighs deeply and shaking his head, walks over to his wife to wrap her up tight. My good morning has turned to shit. I need a drink. Stat. I gasp in fright when I hear someone whisper in my ear, “Lunch time. Security office. You owe me. I can’t hear shit.” Turning, I see Asher wiggling around a finger in his ear trying to clear it. I shoot him an apologetic look before saying, “I panicked.” His lip curls and he narrows his eyes at me. I raise my hands in surrender before leaning closer to him and hissing, “Would you look at her? I’ve never seen her like that!” We both turn to look at Nik and Tina. Nik whispers into Tina’s ear. She squeezes him around his waist and nods. She seems calmer and I thank God that I won’t have to deal with Tina crying all day. I love Tina and I hate when she’s upset. Tina moves away from Nik to face me with a wobbly smile. “Sorry I scared you. Lady issues.” Asher and I both say Oh! at the same time. Craziness explained. Poor Tina has her period. Oh shit. That means Lola and Mimi will have their period too. That’s how close we all are. The girls’ periods have synced. I don’t get my period because of the PCOS. Do you have any idea what it’s like hanging out with three women who are on their periods at once? Running a hand down my face in woe, I tell her, “That’s okay, babe. I wish you would’ve told me before you went all crazy on my ass.” Tina bursts into laughter, looking a little uncomfortable. Her face softens when she steps on her tiptoes to kiss her husband. Looking over, she tells Asher, “No more freak outs. I promise.” As she holds her fingers up in a scout’s honor before making her way back to the storeroom.

Nik looks over at me wide-eyed, “She’s been a little emotional the last couple of days. I used the wrong fabric softener yesterday and she cried.” Leaning closer to me, he hisses, “For four hours, Nat! She cried for four hours because I used the wrong fabric softener. When I asked her why this was such a big deal, do you know what she said?”

Shaking my head, he leans back, arms wide and announces, “Because it smells too flowery. She likes the soft flowers, not the oriental flowers.” Running a hand through his hair, he goes on, “So I ask her why she buys the oriental flower shit and she says because she liked it at the supermarket but not when she used it on the clothes. So I ask why she doesn’t just throw it away and you know what happened?” Biting my lip to stop myself from laughing at Nik in his disheveled state, I shake my head once more. He narrows his golden eyes at my twitching lip before telling me, “She gave me the silent treatment all night. But kept forgetting she wasn’t talking to me so all freakin’ night I was getting half sentences thrown at me before she’d narrow her eyes and glare at me! Then the next morning, it’s like nothing happened! I’m losing it, Nat. This close.” Covering my face with my hand, I close my eyes as my body shakes with silent laughter. I hear Nik say, “Why did I think I’d get any sympathy from you? Some sister you are.” Nik wraps his arms around me and chuckles with me. He kisses my forehead. “Next time she freaks out, just call. No more panic button.” And with that, he and Ash leave. Nik walks ahead and Ash turns back to me and mouths lunch time. My belly clenches with anticipation. Is it lunch time yet? *** Checking my wrist watch, the time reads 12:37pm. If I have to watch her fart-assing around on the CCTV for more than another ten minutes, she’s gonna get it. A smirk forms on my face. I would like all too much to give it to her. Mmmm mmmm. That fucking sexy ass draped over my thighs while I make her count it out. A shudder runs through me. I don’t really know where my need to be dominant comes from. I’m not a dom or anything. I just like control. The first shrink I ever went to told me it’s because of what happened when I was a kid. It’s my way of taking back some form of control in my chaotic life. As a thank you for diagnosing me, I spanked her then fucked her on her desk. I never went back to therapy, but I was tempted. Here we go. Nat exits Safira’s and heads over to The White Rabbit. She disappears from the screen, but I hear the clip clop of her heels a few minutes later. She stops a little too far away but I hear her ask someone, “I need to talk to Ghost in private. Where’s the security room?” I hear Trick answer, “Just that door there, doll. What did he do now?” Nat answers through a long exhale, “What didn’t he do?”

I smirk, stand and wait for the door to open. When it does, I pull her in, shut the door and lock it. She looks up at me wide-eyed. I take her in. Sexy. Like a fallen angel, she wears a white long flowing dress with flat strappy sandals. It sounds innocent right? Nope. Her bright red hair flows down her back with matching bright red lips today. Fuck, she’s hot. She backs up as I stalk toward her. She whispers, “You know everyone’s out there, right? What if someone hears?” Pursing my lips, I tilt my head and say quietly, “You’re just going to have to be quiet. Aren’t you, pretty girl?” Her back hits the wall. She’s stuck now. I move in for the kill. I press in so close to her that my chest pushes her back even further. Her breathing heavies and she looks up at me with a grin before sliding down the wall. I close my eyes as she unbuttons my jeans and pulls them down a little. My cock is suddenly bathed in wet warmth and I tell myself not to look down. I can’t stop myself. I have to see her mouth on me. She sucks me with her eyes closed. Her full, bright red lips make an O as she moves me in and out of her beautiful mouth. I lower my hand to cup her jaw and take over. Pressing deeper with every slow thrust, I can see she’s beginning to struggle but she takes my cock without gagging. Fuck! That right there…that’s perfection. My spine starts to tingle and I pull away from her flawless mouth. Saliva dribbles down her chin and something animalistic in me awakens. I lean forward and reach under her dress to remove her plain white panties then put my hands under her arms and lift her small body high against me. Using the wall as leverage, I push my chest into hers to hold her there as I lift the bottom of her dress high over her hips and fist it at one side to keep it up. I lick her along her bottom lip and ask, “You ever been fucked against a wall?” Her hooded eyes meet mine and through parted lips she sighs, “Nuh uh.” Placing my hand under her firm ass, I lower her a little, just til I feel my cock come into contact with her pussy. “You ready for me, babe?” She tries to roll her hips to cause more contact but I hold her just out of reach. Cupping my face with both hands, she kisses me deeply before pulling back and answering, “Fuck yeah.”

Holding her there a few seconds more, a cruel smirk forms when I see her start to get frustrated. Leaning forward and kissing me again, her tongue moves against mine and she tastes so good that I moan. I reach down and hold my shaft, rubbing the head along her dripping slit and use it to massage her clit. Her whimper turns to a growl then she whisper hisses, “Will you just fuck me already?” “You know I don’t do anything without being asked nicely.” Gyrating against the head of my cock, she moans, “Oh god. I need this. Please, Ash. Please fuck me.” Capturing her lips in a deep possessive kiss, I pull back and utter, “That’s my girl. Let’s do this.” Lowering her slightly, the head of my cock slips into her and we both moan. Realizing we’re both being kind of loud, I kiss her to stop us from being heard. I lower her inch by inch til her tight, warm pussy is completely impaled on me. Pulling back from her mouth, I place my forehead against hers and whisper, “So fucking tight, babe. So wet.” Moving back from the wall a step, I use my hands under her ass to lift her almost right off me then lower her quickly while thrusting up into her. We both moan and I’m sure we’re going to be heard. Without thinking, I move her back against the wall, take one hand off her ass and cover her mouth. Her eyes open wide and I wink at her. Her eyes narrow at me as I thrust into her. One hand at her ass and one at her mouth with her back against the wall. It works. With every thrust her muffled moans get louder and her eyes close in bliss. Watching her face this close while fucking her is beautiful. Never seen beauty like this before. Her flushed cheeks, hooded gaze and puffy red lips are almost more than I can take. I move my arm to hold her lower back and use the wall as leverage to pull her body into my thrusts. It feels so deep I swear I’m moving past her pussy to someplace deeper. Her muffled moans move to a higher pitch and I feel her pussy tighten around me. The tingles climb up my spine and I know we’re going to reach this high together. I release her mouth and whisper, “Shut up” before taking her lips in a deep kiss. She wraps her arms around my neck and moans into my mouth. Nothing nicer than that sound. She leans her head away from me and against the wall, opening her mouth in a silent shout as her pussy contracts hard around my cock. My mouth parts in awe as I watch her come through hooded eyes. When her contractions subside, she leans forward, bites my lip hard then sucks on it. I whisper a groan and pull her onto my cock til she’s fully seated. Sparks ignite behind my eyes and I hold her still as I pump my come into her. As my cock jerks inside of her, ecstasy flows through my body like strong wind slicing through the air.

Coming down from my high, I grab hold of her ass with weak hands and carry her over to my desk. I slowly lift her off my cock and seat her right on the edge. Still horny as fuck, I tell her, “Spread.” Her eyes widen in surprise but she does. I use my index and middle finger to part her pussy lips and tell her, “Push.” Her mouth forms an O but she does it. Her stomach contracts and I watch as my creamy white come slides down her slit and drips onto the floor. My eyes roll back in immeasurable pleasure and I whisper, “That’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Looking up, I find Nat biting her lip and wearing a shy smile. One I haven’t seen before. It’s cute as hell. Unable to stop myself, I grip her jaw with my hand and kiss her hard and deep for a minute. When I release her, she whispers, “Best lunch break ever.” Chuckling, I use tissue to clean her then we both adjust our clothes. She pecks my lips once more. Unlocks and throws the door open and yells, “God, Ghost! You are such an asshole,” then storms down the hall and out of the building. I sit back in my chair and think aloud, “I knew she’d rock my world.” *** The soft, tan colored leather marshmallow of a sofa calls my name from the doorway. In my mind, I see a golden glow around it and I mentally hear a choir sing “Hallelujah”. My face brightens slightly. I blow it a kiss and promise I’ll be right back after my shower. The hot spray of the shower scorches my skin. I scrub my body, washing my semi-crappy day away. The water begins to warm. I take this as my cue to finish up. Exhaustion flows through me. I drag my butt to my room and put on a pair of barelythere silky black panties, a black spaghetti strap tank, Minnie Mouse pajama pants and my Minnie Mouse head slippers. Today really took it out of me. Shuffling my feet, I somehow make it to the sofa and belly flop. A relieved sigh escapes me. Just as I start to nod off, I hear the patio door unlock then open. My eye squints open and in strides Asher, dressed in blue pajama pants and a muscle tank, seeming on a mission. He doesn’t even look at me, just walks over to the refrigerator, opens it and removes two sodas and a tub of Ben and Jerry’s cinnamon buns ice cream. Still not even having glanced at me, he walks into the kitchen and although I can’t see it, I hear him remove spoons from the cutlery drawer.

He walks back over to the sofa, and places the ice cream and sodas on the coffee table. I squeak when he lifts me to a standing position and lies down on his back taking my spot. My face is scrunched and my finger is already pointed at him, my mouth open to hurl abuse at my ass of a neighbor. I squeak a second time when he pulls me down onto him. I face plant into his chest and say a muffled, “Well, Howdy-fucking-doo, neighbor.” He turns the TV on and I turn my head to see him flicking through the cooking channels. I smirk and ask, “Crappy day?” He grunts and I feel it through his chest and onto my cheek. I smile big. Still smiling, I decide now is the time to start a conversation. “Me too. Lunch was great but the rest of the day sucked. Really got me down. Then I thought about coming home to my sofa and TV and my day got a bit better. Little did I know my sofa would be hijacked by my weird neighbor.” At this point, he puts a pillow over my head and I hear a muffled, “Sshhhh.” Laughter bursts out of me, and I try not to think about how comfortable I am laying with my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Chapter Sixteen Tricks and mind games Thursday night is board-game night. Well, it used to be poker night before it turned into board-game night, and now it’s really movie night/play with the kid’s night. I gotta say, I love Thursday nights. We start it earlier than we used to. Instead of going home and showering, we all just go to Nik and Tina’s straight from work. A huge smile crosses my face. I can’t wait to see my little angel baby. As soon as Mimi parks her car, I jump out of the passenger side and run to the front door. The door opens and a smiling Tina stands in the doorway holding a wriggling Tatiana. Without even greeting Tina, I snatch Tatiana from her and coo, “How is my widdle baby. Oh, I missed you.” Then I plant a million and one kisses on her warm chubby cheeks. Finally turning to Tina, I ask, “Has she had dinner yet?” A smiling Tina replies slightly exasperated, “No. She’s teething, so all she wants is rice pudding and milk.”

I hear Nik talk to Meems while I carry Tatiana through to the kitchen with me. I yell back to Tina, “Rice pudding I can do, but you’re in charge of boobie milk, mama.” Max and his sweet ten-year-old daughter Ceecee are sneaking around in the kitchen when I walk in. They look up at me. I see they wear matching guilty expressions and I narrow my eyes at them both. I whisper, “Were you stealing cupcakes?” Ceecee has such a sweet disposition. She has auburn shoulder length hair and amber colored eyes. When she was just a baby, she was involved in an accident. Max’s ex-girlfriend had gone through postpartum depression, and just as she was recovering, she made a small mistake that changed their lives forever. Maddie put Ceecee up on the counter and turned to get something out of the fridge. Ceecee fell backwards and hit a stool on the way down. Her tiny body was twisted in such a way that she was left a paraplegic. From looking at them, you’d never know the struggles they’ve been through and, secretly, Max is my hero. He’s the type of dad that gets Father of the Year every year. A total catch for any woman. Max looks down at Ceecee wide eyed and they both answer, “No.” Oh, I might’ve believed them before I saw both their mouths stuffed full of chocolate cake. I whisper hiss, “You guys are in so much trouble!” Ceecee covers her mouth and giggles and I smile. She is so damn sweet. I just want to eat her. I pass Tatiana over to her uncle Max, grab a cupcake and tell Ceecee, “Let an old pro show you how it’s done, honey.” I carefully peel the wrapper off, bounce up and down like a boxer while craning my neck side to side. Max bursts into laughter and I narrow my eyes at him before turning to face a wide-eyed Ceecee. Max counts me down. “Three. Two. One. Go.” And I shove the entire cupcake into my mouth. Ceecee covers her mouth in astonishment and giggles loudly. Max laughs hysterically while bouncing Tatiana on his hip. I chew and chew and freakin’ chew for a good minute. I swallow the cake and take a big bow. “Wow. That was awesome,” Ceecee whispers. Max smirks. “That’s impressive.” He hands over Tatiana and whispers in my ear, “Makes me wonder what else you could fit in that mouth.” I slap his shoulder and mouth behave, then take Tatiana and her rice pudding over to her high chair and sit at the dining table. Nik and Meems come out from the hallway. As soon as Nik sees his daughter, his eyes soften and he melts a little. He comes over to where I’m feeding her and kisses her cheeks saying, “Who’s daddy’s girl? Huh? Are you daddy’s girl?” Tatiana looks up at her daddy with her dark hair and amber eyes and smiles a wide gummy smile. I can’t help but laugh at her. It must be nice being a baby. No worries at all. I

hate mushy mush, but when it comes to children, I go gaga too. I turn my smiling face up to him. “You did good, Niki. She’s perfect.” Leaning down, Nik kisses my forehead and says, “Thanks, babe. Love ya.” And then he leaves me to feed his golden-eyed daughter. Suddenly, the front door opens and I hear arguing coming from the hall. “I just want to know where you go! Why is that so much to ask if you’re not cheating on me?” That’s Lola. Trick responds, “Baby, I don’t have time to cheat on you even if I wanted to!” And I cringe. Wrong answer, Trick. Lola raises her voice in disbelief. “I don’t believe you! I don’t know how much more of this I can take, Diego.” Using Trick’s real name shows just how pissed she is. Storming down the hall over to where Mimi, Nik and Max stand wearing equally stunned expressions, Lola’s wide brown eyes water as she asks loudly, “Where does he go at night?” Her voice cracks and I know she’s going to lose it. Tina comes forward wearing a sympathetic expression and says to Lola, “C’mon, honey. Let’s go.” She and Mimi lead her down the hall to her bedroom, but not before Mimi openly glares toward the front door. Just as I hear the bedroom door shut, Trick emerges from the hall looking unkempt and tired. At least he shaved today. I turn back to Tatiana. Feeding her, I tell him quietly, “I don’t know what’s going on with you, Trick, but family doesn’t keep things from each other. You got something to say, just say it. We need you as much as you need us, and I don’t like that you’re pulling away from Lola.” Max and Nik don’t say a thing, but I see Max nodding his agreement in my peripheral vision. Without a word, Trick walks over to me and kisses my cheek. He takes the spoon from my fingers and nudges me to get up. I get up and leave him to feed Tatiana. At least she can get a smile out of him these days. Walking over to Nik and Max, I ask them, “So, what’s for dinner?” Nik says, “Chinese” at the same time Max says, “Pizza.” They both turn to each other. My eyes widen and I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. It’s a stare off. “We can’t have pizza every second night, Max!” Nik snaps. Max nods and says, “Yeah we can, Dik. That’s the beauty of pizza. So many different toppings, it’s like you’re eating a different meal every time!”

“It’s not good for Ceecee.” Nik retorts. Max narrows his eyes and puffs out a breath, his face wearing an Oh please, is that the best you got expression. He yells out, “Ceecee, baby. You want pizza?” Ceecee yells back from her room, “I love pizza!” Max smirks and widens his hands in a what else you got stance. Nik’s brows furrow before his face turns triumphant. Wearing a shit-eating grin, he tells Max, “Tina wants Chinese.” Game over. Tina always wins. She has this way of making you feel bad without actually doing anything to make you feel bad. She’s too damn sweet is what it is. Max’s mouth pulls down into a frown. He sighs. “Fine. We’ll get the fucking Chinese food.” Just then Tina comes down the hall with a smile and says, “Pizza! Yay!” Max and I turn to look at Nik. His face falls with defeat and Max and I burst into laughter. Getting a cramp, I clutch my stomach. We laugh long and hard. Even Nik chuckles and says, “Knuckleheads,” before walking into the kitchen. Smiling like idiots, Max wraps his arm around my shoulder and walks me over to the sofa. He sits then pulls me down into him. I really can’t help myself. I ask, “Where’s Ghost?” Max’s reply makes my good mood turn to a blazing inferno of emotions. He answers, “With Tasha.” He’s with Tasha? Tasha ScreamFace? Miss Oh-God-Yes-Yes-Yes? My chest aches and my stomach drops. I clear my throat. “That’s nice. How long’s he been seeing her?” Max snorts in response. “Ghost doesn’t see anyone. They’re just interchangeable pussies for him. I think he’s been fucking Tasha for a few months, but it’s just out of laziness. He can’t be bothered finding another woman. He says Tasha’s a wild one. He likes ‘em like that.” Completely unaware of how much what he’s saying is hurting me, Max continues, “I don’t think Ghost will ever settle down. It’s just not him, ya know? He doesn’t even know how to talk to people. Sure as hell doesn’t trust anyone. Why do you think he got into security?” He squeezes me tight and I say, “But he’ll get over whatever’s bothering him though, right?” “Don’t count on it, babe,” Max replies quietly. Okay, so either my heart is breaking or someone stabbed me in the boob. Before I can contemplate what I’m feeling right now, the front door opens. Max and I both look up from our position on the sofa to look down the entry to the hall. Asher walks through wearing an annoyed expression, a sexy skintight, black long-sleeved tee, blue jeans and sneakers.

Annoyed or not, my heart soars. He came! He’s here! Meaning he’s not fucking Tasha! Yay! As soon as he sees Max holding me on the sofa, his scowl deepens. He asks in a deadly voice, “Having fun there?” Max just chuckles while wrapping me tighter in his arms. “Hell yeah! I’m watchin’ TV with one of my favorite girls. We’re having pizza tonight and Nat said she’d blow me later.” Now, get this. Never in my life have I taken Max seriously. We always joke like this and I’ve never felt the need to correct him. I always joke back. We have a playful dirty banter and laugh together. Yeah. Not today. My face flushes, I jump up from the sofa, turn my wide eyes to Asher and pointing to Max, I yell, “He’s lying!” I have no idea where the need to defend myself came from, but Max looks at me like I’ve seriously lost my mind while Asher looks pleased and about to burst into laughter. Realizing what I’ve just done, I say quietly, “Sorry. I don’t know where that came from. Something’s wrong with me.” A light bulb goes off in my head and I say the magic words. “I must be getting my period.” Max’s face turns uncomfortable and he utters, “TMI, babe. T. M. I.” I look over to Ash wearing a shit-eating grin. My expression clearly says I win. He rolls his eyes at me then goes over to greet Trick and Tatiana who has more rice pudding on her face than in her mouth. Something tugs my pants leg. I look down at Max. He wears a frown and whispers, “Everything okay?” A fake smile spreads across my face. I reply, “Just peachy.” He nods in resignation. “Let’s order the pizza.” He stands, puts his arm around my shoulder and we walk into the kitchen together. I sneak a peek at Asher and can’t hide my smile. Tatiana’s sucking on his nose again. Sigh. Ah, them feels. *** As we exit his car, Asher walks around to me and puts his arm around my waist, pulling me close. Still shocked at tonight’s events, I’m not sure what I’m feeling exactly, but I am exhausted. It all started an hour after we all got to Nik and Tina’s. Lola and Trick were obviously not seeing eye-to-eye so Trick left. No goodbyes. No wave. Just up and left. Shortly after that, Lola emerged from the bedroom, red-eyed and announced, “Sorry guys, I think I’ll just go-”

The poor girl looked around the room, lowered her head and whispered, “He’s gone, isn’t he?” My gut twisted for her. Enough of this bullshit! Luckily, Mimi, Tina and Tatiana were off playing in Ceecee’s room. I crossed the room to take a sobbing Lola into my arms before turning to Nik, Max and Asher and stating, “Enough is enough. Tell her what’s going on! Trick isn’t going to and…” Shocked to feel my own tears welling, I choked out, “…her heart is breaking.” When you have friends like I do, even a cold person like me is affected by their hurt. My heart squeezes. Looking right into Ash, I whispered, “I can’t watch this anymore. It hurts my heart.” Ash turned to his brothers and firmly said, “Deal with this.” This was clearly not a request. He walked over to Lola, kissed her head then picked up his keys and left. Leaving me confused as hell, I yelled out, “Is someone going to tell us what the fuck is going on?” Max and Nik turned to each other and with facial expressions and hand gestures, they had a silent conversation. A minute later, Max sighed, “We told Trick to tell you, Lola. The guy’s falling apart.” Lola lifts her head from my shoulder and replied a watery, “He’s hurting me so bad!” Nik and Max have three sisters. You’d expect they would be used to tears, but whenever one of us girls cries, they look like they want to put a fist through a wall. Max stepped up and explained, “We promised Trick we wouldn’t say anything. Sorry girls, he trusts us.” Lola lowered her head to my shoulder and wailed hard. A panicked Nik argued, “Yeah, he trusts us. And we would never say anything. So we can’t say anything,” nodding every time he said say, trying to get a point through to us. Catching on, I encouraged, “Okay. So don’t tell us. Show us.” Max’s brow furrowed and he shook his head at Nik disapprovingly. Nik pointed to Lola with a she’s breakin’ my heart expression. Max turned and looked at Lola a short while before sighing and nodding. Nik stood in front of me while I held Lola, put his hands together in a cradle action under his chest and rocked his arms back and forth. I gasped, “Trick’s got a baby?” Lola lifted her head in shock and shrieked, “What?” Max and Nik both vigorously shook their heads. You’re really bad at this shit. Nik tried again with the same action as before and Lola yelled out random words like she was on a quiz show, “Uh, baby! Crib! Cradle! Children! Sleep! Rock! Rock! It’s rock! He’s in a rock band! Don’t throw rocks at glass houses! Uh, he rocks? Just tell me!”

Both Max and Nik wear mirrored expressions that said where the hell are you coming up with this stuff and shaking their heads. During this time of commotion, we hadn’t heard the front door open. “My mom. She’s sick.” We all turn to look at the hall where Ash stood with a hand on Trick’s shoulder in an obvious show of support. Trick looked devastated. So devastated that I hid my quivering lip by biting it. Lola ran over to Trick and threw herself at him saying, “I’m so sorry, baby. You should’ve told me. I could’ve helped somehow.” And just like that Trick and Lola were once again Trick and Lola. Trick even smiled. Anyone could see the night was over, and I really wasn’t in the mood for pizza anymore. I went into Ceecee’s room pleading a headache and said goodbye to everyone. Not caring who saw, I walked over to Ash who still had his keys in hand. He put his arm around my shoulder, I put my arm around his waist and we left. After Tina’s mom and daughter died, I told myself that I would wake up every morning with a good attitude. For months after they passed, I would repeat the mantra ‘I will be grateful for this day’ because the thing is, you think you have time. Living our droll everyday lives, we forget to relax and just live in the moment. We need to count our blessings not our problems. Everyone in life is fighting their own battles. Ones you’ll never see unless they allow it. Which brings us to now. Without even asking permission, I follow Ash into his apartment, walk past him toward his room, over to his bed and fall forward, faceplanting. Not ten seconds pass when I felt his bed dip. Both obviously unsure what to say, we lay in the dark in comfortable silence, stuck in our own thoughts. After a while of thinking about every random thing my brain could possibly present to me, I turn my head to the side and whisper, “Don’t let me fall asleep, okay?” Through a yawn, Ash replies, “Okay, babe. Talk to me.” Glad that he wants me here, I do. I tell him all about my childhood. How it was growing up Croatian. About the time Helena put the cat in the fridge. How mom makes me palačinke, Croatian pancakes, every time I come home. That my dad knows how to swear in eight languages. About my first high school crush. “And he was such an ass. He told everyone he fucked me and that I wasn’t any good. I mean puh-lease, right? If I could, I’d fuck myself because I’m that good.” With every soft and slow word I say, my eyes droop further closed. Somehow we’ve become tangled in each other. Ash cradles me to his chest with his nose buried in my hair, breathing me in. I remind him, “Don’t let me fall asleep, okay?”

He grunts his acknowledgement so I continue weakly, “Then I saw him a while later and he was all, ‘you look so good’ and ‘maybe we could go on a date’…” Through a yawn, I go on, barely able to keep my eyes open and slurring my words, “…and I was like whatever, asshole.” Everything fades to black. Lights out. Chapter Seventeen Pajama party Something warm presses into me and sighs sweetly then snuggles deeper into my chest. What the fuck? It takes a while for me to open my eyes, but when I do, I almost shit a brick. The sun is out. My brow bunches in total confusion. I don’t remember waking last night. My body isn’t sore or tense from the violent night terrors that haunt me every fucking night of my life. Probably because I didn’t have any last night, and when I look down, I think I find the cause. She looks so beautiful. Innocent. That makes me smirk. I know she’s anything but innocent but she does look it right now. Not wanting to wake her, I reach for my cell phone on the nightstand and turn off the alarm. It’s still early, just past six am. As gently as I can, I take the arm that’s gripping my side, move it up and over til she rolls the other way. Well, that was easy. Standing, I take a good look at her. She looks so tiny alone in my bed. Her flaming red hair such a contrast against my navy pillows and covers. Beautiful. Running a hand through my hair and shaking my head in disbelief, I make my way to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. As I finish getting the coffee started, my brow furrows in confusion and I sigh. This is not good. The last thing I need is to become more attached to Nat. I care about her and I know she cares about me too in a fuck-buddy kind of way. I just really didn’t need this shit right now.

What is it about her? She doesn’t take shit from me. It’s more than that and you know it. My phone buzzes, breaking me out of my thoughts. Leaning forward, I check the display and my good morning turns to shit. I reach forward and reject the call. What is she doing calling me anyways? It’s not like I ever answer her calls. Nik is always telling me to change my number, but it’s the fucking principle that stops me from doing it. She shouldn’t be calling. I shouldn’t have to change anything because she can’t let go. Fuck her. I don’t want to see her or hear what she has to say. That ship has sailed. I hear shuffling down the hall and Nat emerges. I can’t help but grin at her appearance. She’s all over the place. Her lipstick and eye makeup are smeared across her face and her hair looks like it’s been teased. Obviously having been cold, she wears one of my long sleeved tees and she’s swimming in it. I try not to think about how much I like her wearing my shit but, fuck, I do. I’m getting hard. “The eighties called. They want their hairstyle back,” I tell her. She gasps and steps back from me. Wearing a genuinely shocked expression, she asks quietly, “Did- did you just make a joke?” All too pleased with myself, I rub my nails on the front of my shirt and reply a smug, “It’s been known to happen, girl.” Smiling she says, “No way.” Her face falls as she asks, “Where did you crash last night? I told you not to let me fall asleep.” For no reason whatsoever, I’m nervous about telling her. I don’t want her to get freaked out, but it’s not in me to lie, so I tell her vaguely, “I slept where you slept.” Leaning her hip on the counter, she confirms, “We slept in the same bed?” Without looking at her, I nod my reply. She doesn’t say a thing for a long time. I look over to her and with narrowed eyes she goes on, “We slept in the same bed.” Pursing my lips, I nod again. She’s not letting this go. Nat asks, “You didn’t have a memory attack?” I nod once more and she continues, “We slept in the same bed. All night. And you didn’t have a nightmare.” A huge smile forms on her face and she runs over to me, jumping and circling her arms around my neck. I hold her ass to stop her from falling and she wraps her legs around me. Planting kisses on my face, I make out as if I’m annoyed but it feels good. She says happily, “Don’t you see what this means?” Trying to speak around her assaulting kisses, I tell her, “No. Not really. What does this mean?” Pulling back from me wearing a shit-eating grin, she boasts, “I cured you!”

The laughter bubbles low in my throat before bursting out full force. Her face falls and I laugh harder. She slips out of my laughter-weakened hold and leans against the counter. Oh, this woman. I knew she’d rock my world. Unable to stop, I hold my side and speak through my laughter, “You really don’t fuck around, do you?” Placing her hands on her hips and wearing an annoyed expression, she snaps, “Well, it’s true!” My laughter finally settles and I tell her, “We don’t know if this was a one-off thing. Maybe my mind was too tired to give a shit about anything but sleep after all the stuff that went down with Trick and Lola.” Looking deflated, she mutters, “You’re right. Unless…” Her eyes widen and she grins, “Unless we try again tonight!” Shaking my head at her in disapproval, she nods her head vigorously and shouts, “Pajama party!” And I know I’m fucked. Hardcore fucked. Fucked up the ass, kind of fucked. If this works, it means big problems for me. Nat walks forward and looks me in the eye. She smiles a soft smile, “Hey, we can only try, right?” Curiosity makes me give in, not that it was a hard battle to win. I nod and sigh. “Yeah. Okay.” She squeaks and punches me in the gut lightly. Walking back into my room, she lifts her arms in the air and yells, “I’m so excited!” *** “I cannot believe you’re making me do this!” Nat squawks. Looking over at her, I try my hardest not to laugh, but she looks so cute and so damn funny at the same time that I start to laugh but turn it into a cough. I’m a little too late. She narrows her eyes at me muttering, “Laugh it up, assface.” Looking away from her and back to the TV for fear of losing it again, I reply, “Safety first.” “I can’t sleep like this!” she says heatedly. Lying back on her soft sofa and trying to concentrate on the cooking show, I tell her distractedly, “Either we do this my way, or no way.” As soon as it slips out of my mouth, I want to take it back. I hope she doesn’t tell me to go home. Knowing Nat, her curiosity will win. And I breathe a sigh of relief when she responds, “Okay. But just this once. If this works, I’m never doing this again!” Then she stalks off rattling and clanking all the way. I shake my head and chuckle.

This afternoon I told Max to man the security room while I made a quick stop at my storage unit. There’s a whole lot of junk in there, but I was only after one thing in particular. It took some digging and bringing up some really shitty memories, but if this works, it’ll be worth it. The clanking comes back down the hall and I look up to see Nat wearing my old football uniform. Padded shorts, shoulder pads and helmet included. It’s not so funny anymore, now it’s turning me on. Looking bothered as hell, she sneers, “Can I take this shit off for now?” Nodding, I answer, “Yeah. Come here. I’ll help.” She stomps over to me and I pull the helmet off slowly. Her red hair comes free and her anger-flushed face makes my dick stand to attention. Something about getting this little woman all mussed up makes me happy. And horny as hell. I carefully lift the shoulder pads off her and my gaze lowers to her tiny white tank top. She isn’t wearing a bra and her tits look incredible through the thin material. Throwing the shoulder pads down, I run my thumbs over her nipples. Nat gasps then groans and holds onto my shoulders for support. Smirking, I slide my hands down her hips to the edge of the shorts and lower them to the ground. My eyes widen a little when she steps out of them and I see she’s wearing a small white lace thong. White lace thong to match her tiny white tank, I’d say. I suddenly want to swallow hard, run my hands down my face and yell, “What are you doing to me?” I feel like I have no control with her. To me, that says there is something different about her. Something I want. But the question is, would I know what to do with her once I had her? I’ve never been in love. I love people. I mean, I love my brothers and Trick. I love Ceecee and Tatiana. I love my mom and sisters. Hell, I even love the girls in a way, but I don’t know anything about it. I’ve only had one relationship and it lasted a whole week. She wanted things I couldn’t give her. When she told me she loved me, I was almost ill. All I could think of was when my mother would tell my father she loved him. I could tell a person I love them even if I’m not sure what it is, but would it be fair? What does a person in love actually do? I’ve seen Nik both lose his mind with worry and get shot over love. Is that something I want? Fuck, no. Everyone talks about love like it’s this fucking magical thing. All I’ve seen come from love is devastation, worry and heartache. Okay, so Nik and Tina are the exceptions, but all my memories tell me different. I think if I could love, I’d love someone like Nat. But that’s if I could. And I can’t. My hands span her hips and I look up at her through hooded eyes. Her full lips are parted and her gaze is fixed on my pajama pants. Without asking, she steps back from me and walks over to the refrigerator. I watch her firm and curvy ass in that thong and the need to

chase her comes over me. Before I react, she opens the freezer and takes out a tub of ice cream. I smile. I like the way she thinks. Dirty, dirty girl. She surprises me by putting the ice cream in the microwave for a minute. I’m officially confused. My eyes narrow and I glare at her. I want to fuck, not make some strange goopy shit from ice cream. Once the timer dings, she removes it and smiling, hands it over to me. She walks back to the kitchen and gets a spoon and all I can think is is she fucking serious? I’m not hungry for ice cream! My eyebrows rise to the hilt when she stops at the edge of the counter, removes her tank to reveal her gorgeous tits and kneels on the hardwood floor. She places the spoon in her mouth and with a smile, begins to crawl over to me. Oh, I changed my mind. I really want that fucking ice cream. I thought the sexiest thing I’d ever seen was my come dripping out of Nat’s pussy. I can’t believe she topped it in only a few days. Watching Nat crawl in only a little white lacy thong over to me across the hardwood floor… I’m about ready to embarrass myself by coming like a teenager. I’m leaking enough pre-come to show through my pajama pants, but I don’t care; this is so fucking sexy and I’m likely to never get a show like this one again. I’m going to enjoy this. When she reaches my knees, I let her take the lead. She places the spoon onto the coffee table, looks up at me through hooded green eyes and whispers, “May I suck your cock please, Asher?” My head falls back and I groan. The sexiest thing just got sexier. If she asked me to give her a million dollars right now, I’d be robbing a bank in twenty minutes flat. This hold she has on me, it’s not good. I don’t like feeling out of control, but she has this way of making me feel in control, even though I know she’s the one running this show. Fuck, she’s good. I nod and she crawls forward, in-between my knees, opens the ice cream container and sets it on the coffee table. I watch in awe as she reaches into my pajama pants to pull my cock free. She grasps it firmly and runs her thumb over the head, smearing pre-come over and around it. My stomach clenches. She tugs the bottom of my tee. I take her hint and pull it over my head, throwing it to the side. Her hands move from my cock to my groin then slide up my stomach to my chest. I like her hands on me. When she touches me, I forget about the scars, because when I look at her, I see it in her eyes; her anger on my behalf. Not her pity.

Breathing heavily, I close my eyes and lift my head. She kisses her way down my chest leaving behind a wet trail. She places a long wet kiss under my bellybutton and I feel it like an electric shock through my dick. Her mouth leaves me for a moment and I feel something cool and wet on my cock. I look down to see Nat licking melted ice cream off me. With slow, long strokes of her tongue, she cleans me then starts all over again. My balls tighten. Placing my forearm over my eyes, I say hoarsely, “If you keep doing that, I’m gonna come, girl.” Nat lifts her mouth off me long enough to respond, “This is only round one, baby.” With that being all the permission I need, my control breaks. I sit up straighter, lean forward to grip the back of her neck and tell her, “Taking over, pretty girl.” Gripping her hair, I pull her closer to me and lean back against the sofa. Holding her head steady, I slowly thrust into her mouth, being careful not to gag her. For someone with a sharp tongue that spits acid words, her mouth is actually a bit small. Her eyes are closed and I know she’s enjoying this as much as I am. The need to control rushes over me and I demand, “Touch yourself.” Moaning around my cock, she reaches down between her legs and rubs her pussy with the heel of her palm. My spine tingles. Won’t be long now. Her perfect mouth is smeared with melted ice cream. “So dirty. My dirty girl. Fuck. I love your mouth, babe,” I whisper hoarsely. The vibrations of her moans drive me over the edge. I thrust deeper into her mouth and move my hands to cup her cheeks. My body tingles in bliss and as my balls tighten, I tell her, “Coming on your tits, pretty girl.” As soon as the first contraction of my orgasm hits, I pull her head back and stroke my cock over her chest. Looking down at her puffy red lips and hooded gaze takes me there. I stroke myself hard and fast and spurt my cream all over her chest, groaning all the while. Nat swipes her hand across her chest then brings her hand to her mouth, licking it up. Standing on clearly wobbly legs, she says, “Shower,” then walks down the hall. I hear the shower turn on and smirking, I lift my light body off the sofa and follow the sound of Nat’s hypnotic humming. Pajama parties. We should do ‘em every night. *** After he used his mouth to make me come in the shower, Ash made me wear the damn shoulder pads and padded pants to bed. I refused to put on the helmet. There’s no way I’d be able to sleep like that! We spent a minute or two arguing, but he gave in, stating he was too tired to deal with my bullshit. I win!

Once we settled in bed, which was hard because of all the extra shit I was wearing, my mouth spoke before I had a chance to stop it. “I know you don’t like to talk about it, but if you ever want to talk about what happened to you, I’m actually a good listener.” The hand that strokes my hair stills a moment before he resumes petting me like a kitten. “It’s fucked up. You sure you want to hear it?” he says quietly. My eyes widen and I whisper, “Yeah. But only if you want to talk about it.” Silence. He sighs then starts, “Dad was always careful not to burn my arms because teachers would notice.” My body stiffens at his admission and my heart shatters to a million pieces. This is worse than I thought. The state of his scars makes it look like he’d been in a horrific accident. Now knowing he got each of those scars over multiple occasions… My heart is broken. How can someone do that to their own child? He doesn’t say anything for a long while, then he quietly admits, “I don’t want to talk about this right now. It might bring on a nightmare. Let’s just see if tonight goes well, then…” He doesn’t have to say anything more. I get it. Now that I know where the nightmares stem from, I definitely don’t want to push him to say any more than he wants to. Turning my head to the side a little, I kiss his chest. “Goodnight, Ash.” I close my eyes and hear him whisper, “Night, babe.” Then I pray that tomorrow will come easily for him.

Chapter Eighteen Them stupid fucking feels Someone is trying to undress me. And I’m so tired that I actually don’t give a shit. Undress me as you please, phantom boogey man. My pants come off in one quick tug and something bulky is lifted from my shoulders. My tank is next to go and I’m pulled back into something warm and hard. Arms come around my waist and I’m startled awake when someone whispers huskily into my ear, “Wake up, pretty girl.” My eyes open wide when, what is definitely an erection, rests between the cheeks of my ass. Then I remember. “You didn’t wake up! It’s morning!” I gasp excitedly. Asher chuckles in my ear. “I guess you were right. You did cure me.” Palming my butt, he continues, “I’d say that’s cause to celebrate.” And in one swift movement, he slides his thick shaft into my ready-and-waiting pussy. We both groan as he pulls me further into him. My back rests against his chest as he rocks into me. I roll my hips back to take him deeper. His arms tightly wrap around me and we work together, thrusting and rocking for what seems like hours. It’s not the fast and furious fucking we normally prefer, but I make an exception. It is morning after all. Who can be bothered? When Ash bands one arm around my chest and lowers the other to softly stroke my clit, I push myself back even deeper onto him and moan. My stomach clenches and I feel a pleasant warmth rush over me. Without warning, my orgasm comes hard and fast. My channel pulses around him and he groans into my ear. His thrusting slows and he wraps me tight as he stills. He silently jerks his release into me. Both breathing heavily, I relax back into him and he says, “That’s what I call a fucking good morning.” Chuckling, I state sleepily, “So happy for you, Ash. No more nightmares. Maybe now you won’t be such an ass all the time - what with all the sleep you’ll be getting.” His body shakes in silent laughter and I smile. This is nice. I’m feeling all warm and fluttery and it’s not the after-effects of a great morning orgasm. It’s something more. Oh fuck. This is why I didn’t want to do this with Ash. It was only a matter of time before I started feeling gooey, icky shit for him. I liked him the first time we fucked, and that’s why I cut him

off. Seven months without him around was torture, but my mom always told me that sometimes you have to walk away from what you want in order to find what you deserve. Well, I did that Mama…and I found Cole. Maybe what I thought I wanted is actually what I deserve too. Ash is different when he’s with me. I no longer see him as the confrontational person I once did. Now I see him as an untrustworthy person with good reason. After finding out a little about what happened to him when he was younger, it makes me wonder how he came out of it without becoming a psychopathic serial killer. If any of that had happened to me, I’d be a wreck. Ash actually seems like he’s got his shit together in an I don’t trust anyone kind of way. But he confided in me. I smile. He trusts me. “I have no idea what the fuck you’re thinking about, but stop. Now.” Smiling harder, I reply, “Got lost in my head for a second and, by the way, you can’t order me to stop thinking.” Still wrapped up in him, his softening cock starts to slip from me. He nuzzles the side of my neck, breathing me in and says matter-of-factly, “Sure I can. I always get what I want.” Without any good reason at all, this irritates me. It sounds as if he’s playing a game with me and my feelings. I know he isn’t, but the hairs on the back of my neck stand. I pull away from him, and buck naked, stand at the edge of the bed and point to the door. I bark, “Get out.” His sleepily eyes open and he mutters, “The fuck I say now?” My heart races and my face flushes. I thrust my hand toward the door and he scowls at me. Sitting up, he says, “You know if I wanted to deal with this kinda bullshit, I’d get a girlfriend.” As I walk into the bathroom, I yell back, “Don’t come over tonight. Or tomorrow. I’ll call you when I want a cheap lay.” Then I lock myself in the bathroom, turn on the shower and stay under the hot stream for as long as I can before the water turns cold. I think about what I just did and cringe. Surely, he knows now. He has to know that this is something more to me. Acting as my non-boyfriend is all well and good, but shit just got serious. I’m going to lose him before I even got him. Fuck it! Who cares if he knows? We’ll blame it on estrogen. That shit gets blamed for everything. I just made my non-complicated relationship complicated. I mentally clap at myself. Not a round-of-applause clap, but that awkward slow clap when someone you know has just been el retardo. I sigh and lean my head against the wall of the shower. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’ve got to get my shit together. And quick. I say I give him one - no - two days without me before he comes crawling back. Smirking at the thought, I exit the shower and dress for

the day. When I’m done, I head into the kitchen and see the box of rice puffs and a dirty bowl on the kitchen counter. The ass had breakfast here. Of course he did. Why not just dirty all my dishes to piss me off even more? I shake my head and put the dirty bowl in the sink, go to the fridge to get some milk, then pick up a spoon and fresh bowl for myself. I sit at a stool at the counter, take my box of cereal and pour. One rice puff falls into my bowl. Frowning, I look into the box. And it’s fucking empty. Oh, that is it! Grabbing my keys, I storm over to Ghost’s and open the door and yell, “If you finish my goddamn cereal, replace the fucker next time!” Ghost walks out of his bedroom buck naked and wet from the shower. His ashy hair is almost brown wet and, scars or not, his body is rocking. I try not to but I stare at his dick. All of a sudden, I’m salivating. When he reaches down to palm his hardening shaft, I snap my eyes up to look at him. He smirks, “Hungry, babe?” I want to beg him to let me suck him, but instead I snap, “Fuck you, Ghost.” His eyes widen and he looks pissed when he says, “I’ve been degraded to Ghost now?” Hmmm. Seems he’s right. He must revert back to Ghost when I’m pissed at him. Interesting. Unsure what else to say, I spin on my heel and leave. When I walk through the door, I yell out, “Replace the fucking cereal, bitch!” My blood boils when I hear him laugh. This is not going well. *** Today at the store, the girls were trying to get me out of my bad mood all day long. Tina bribed me with cake, Mimi told me about her sexcapades with Shawna, and Lola bought me a double dark chocolate buzz from Winnies. Nothing worked. On the way home, I stopped and got a burger for dinner. That’s how shitty I felt. Burger bad. I know I shouldn’t have snapped at Ash the way I did for something he isn’t even aware of, but fuck, the man is infuriating sometimes. Eating my damn cereal was the last straw. I eat my burger in the car on the way home. When I open the door to my apartment, something’s off. I look around trying to figure out what it can be, but I can’t see anything different. I’m sure I’m imagining things, so I strip off my clothes on the way to the bathroom and have a nice hot shower. Today I decide on chamomile lavender body wash. The froth feels so nice on me, like a mini massage, and today’s stresses seem to disappear.

When I’m done, I dress in my jammies and head into the kitchen. There’s a note on the pantry. I unstick it and read. Replaced your cereal, your highness. I hope ten boxes are okay. Ghost. Ghost is underlined three times. I think I might’ve hurt his feelings with that, but I’m appeased by the fact that he took the time out to buy me more cereal. Ten boxes was overkill but it’s all good. I don’t know what makes me do it, but I’m curious to see the boxes of cereal. Somehow I think it’ll make me feel even better. I open the pantry and freeze. *** I watch on the newly installed CCTV as the ten boxes of rice puffs that I unboxed and crammed into the pantry fall into a small mountain at Nat’s feet. And I laugh and laugh and laugh my fucking ass off. She tries to move but with every step she takes, more rice puffs scatter and she continuously slips on them. I laugh so hard I have to hold my stomach. This is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen. Who needs the internet when I have my own version of comedy living next door. She tries in vain to stand but slips again and again. Finally giving up, her face falls before she squeals at the top of her lungs in frustration. And it all starts again. I laugh my ass off. I’m surprised that she doesn’t clean the mess, just sweeps it into a corner and leaves it. Obviously had enough for the day, she heads off to bed. I switch cameras and turn on the night vision as she gets into bed. Is what I’m doing creepy? Maybe. Do I care? I’m not a known giver of fucks. No. My eyebrows lift as I see her reach into her underwear drawer for something. As soon as she puts it between her legs, my eyes roll back and my dick hardens. The little minx is using her vibrator. Zooming in to get a better look at her, I stroke myself and watch her try to pleasure herself. She alternates using her hand and the vibrator, then using the vibrator while she stokes her clit, then using the vibrator while she pinches her nipples. Nothing. She can’t do it. She throws the vibrator across the room in frustration and although I can’t hear her, she smacks at the bed and her mouth moves rapidly. I smirk. Probably cursing me to hell for spoiling her so much she can’t get off. Either way, that was sexy as hell and one for the spank bank. I can’t believe she didn’t see the cameras when she came in from work. They aren’t exactly invisible.

It’s late and I decide to call it a night. When I settle in bed, I palm myself while thinking of Nat using her vibrator. Hot as hell. Then I remember the rice puffs. And I laugh and laugh and laugh. For the first night in twenty five years, I fall asleep with a smile on my face. *** Early morning, my alarm goes off. It’s 5:25am and I get ready for my mission by dressing in black sweat pants and a black tee. As soon as I walk into my kitchen, I go through my cupboards and find the biggest container I have and load the rice puffs into it. It’s early as hell, but I find the will to make pancakes too. I take everything over to Asher’s bit by bit, and when everything is ready, I take a look at my canvas. His apartment is pretty bare making my work all too easy. Making my way into his kitchen, I take out the super glue and get to work, grinning all the while. No one fucks with a Kovac. *** My alarm goes off and as I switch it off, I hear my front door close. My brow furrows. It’s too early to deal with any bullshit. Sighing, I get out of bed and walk out my bedroom door only to kick a plate on the floor. I pick up the plate which has three pancakes on it. They’re hot and smell good, loaded with butter and syrup. I smile to myself. This must be Nat’s way of apologizing for being a crazyassed demon lady. I roll up one of the pancakes and take a bite. It’s delicious. I walk into the kitchen with my eyes closed in bliss and continue eating. When I reach the kitchen counter, I wash my syrup covered hands and put the dirty dish in the sink. There’s a note on the counter, I unfold it and read. Enjoy your breakfast! That’s nice of her. The bottom of the note has a little arrow pointing to the edge of the page. I turn it over and read. Look up. So I do. I raise my head to the ceiling and everything skids to a halt. What the fuck? Is that-? Did she-? No way. She fucking glued pancakes on my ceiling! The crazy-assed devil woman glued motherfucking pancakes on the ceiling! Even though I’m fucking pissed, I’m equally impressed. How the hell did she get up there? I need coffee. I turn on the coffee pot and make my way over to the fridge. As soon as I open it and hear a crunching noise, I mentally sigh. I take the milk out of the fridge and close it. And burst into laughter. Genuine, funny-as-fuck laughter.

She fucking glued rice puffs to my refrigerator. I can’t see the surface to it. She spent a lot of time pulling this morning’s prank and I am impressed. This woman could give me a run for my money. I know I should be angry, but I started it and there are consequences to your actions. I’ll take it. This time. Nat just earned herself a medal in my books. Respect. Doesn’t mean she isn’t going to get it. Forgetting my coffee, I exit my apartment and head over to Nat’s. There’s a note on her door. With a grin, I open and read it. You must be out of your mind if you thought I was going to stick around to see your reaction. Payback’s a bitch, bitch. She’s lucky she isn’t here. I’d probably make her eat one of those pancakes. I turn and head back into my apartment. Making my way to the shower, I chuckle. Fucking devil woman. *** Mission success that early in the morning calls for a celebration and I’m celebrating with pie. Velvet choc hazelnut pie, to be exact. I buy it at a sweet little bakery which is just down the road from Safira’s. As soon as I bring it in, Tina’s all over me like whiskey on cola. She cuts herself the biggest slice ever and shoves most of it into her mouth. Moaning, she says a garbled, “This is really good.” I stare at her like she’s lost her damn mind. Mimi comes over and eyes the pie with avid interest. I roll my eyes at her attempt to be cunning and almost throw a piece at her. Lola sees pie and yells, “Pie!” followed by a “Whoot, whoot!” “What’s the occasion?” Mimi asks. Being a smartass, I tease, “Tina’s pregnant.” Tina almost chokes on her pie. Stunned, she looks up into my face and whispers, “How. Did. You. Know?” Oh my God! No way! Wide-eyed and open-mouthed, we all stare at Tina. After a few moments, she whispers, “That was meant to be a joke, wasn’t it?” Mimi, Lola and I all nod slowly in astonishment. Tina clicks her fingers and snaps, “I knew it! Darn it to heck!” Lola snaps us out of our stupor by jumping around and squealing, “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my freaking God!” Mimi shakes her head and pokes Tina lightly in the belly, saying “I should’ve known. You’ve been crazy emotional lately and you said you have your period when I know I didn’t. I should’ve known. Man, I’m pissed at myself!”

Unable to move, I stand where I am at the counter. Pie forgotten and with stinging eyes, I ask, “Tatiana’s gonna have a brother or sister?” Tina smiles. “Yeah, honey. She is. I’m just past six weeks. We were going to wait til eight to tell you all.” Lowering my head, I cry silently. Happiness can be overwhelming that way. Sometimes you feel so full of it that you could just burst and happiness would fly out everywhere. Tina comes over to me and wraps her arms around me. We stay that way for a while. When I finally get myself together, I shriek, “Today is awesome!” We all laugh, talk and eat pie. Turning to Tina, I utter, “Nik must’ve been on you like syrup on pancakes if he got you pregnant that quick.” Looking pissed, she puts her hand on her hip. “I know, right? I told him we needed to use protection but he was all,” Putting on her best deep Nik voice, “Nah, baby. You’re breastfeeding. We don’t need to use a thing. It’ll be okay.” Her eyes widen and she continues, “The ass already knew he was knocking me up! Wasn’t even surprised when I told him I was pregnant. Just flashed me the damn dimple.” Smiling to herself, she looks over to us and admits, “It’s a magical dimple. It makes me do things I normally wouldn’t want to.” Laughing our asses off at her silliness, I tell myself that even though I can’t have kids, I will stop being bitter about it. And surprisingly, I feel lighter. Today is going to be a good one. Chapter Nineteen Sleep talking kills Coming home to the apartment, I’ll admit I’m nervous as fuck. I’m still awaiting some form of retribution from Asher for this morning’s mixed breakfast chaos. Stepping into the door, I flip on the light and look around through narrowed eyes. Everything looks okay, but I can’t be one hundred percent sure, so I tiptoe through the apartment, past the kitchen and down the hall into my room. Nothing there either.

That’s weird. Surely I haven’t won. Ghost wouldn’t allow that. Yes, Ghost wouldn’t but would Asher? I’m not sure. Perhaps. He’s always been gentlemanly when he’s here what with letting me suck his cock and all. A knock at the door sounds and I jump into a wrestling stance. My heart beats a mile a minute and my legs wobble. Holy crap, that scared me. “Nat, open up.” Shit. That’s Asher. Feet don’t fail me now. Wait? What the hell is he doing at the front door? Now I’m convinced something’s not right. I walk over to the door and yell though it, “What do you want, butthead?” He chuckles, “Open the door.” Leaning back on the door, I check my nails and state, “No.” Silence then, “Why not?” I turn to the door and poke it as if I would be poking Ash’s chest. I snap, “I smell something fishy here! Why didn’t you just break in like you always do?” Silence then, “I thought it might make your highness mad seeing as she kicked me out yesterday morning.” This is quite possibly a reasonable answer. Still unsure, I ask, “What do you want?” He answers, “I brought you a gift.” No way! Retreat! It’s a trap! I don’t say a word. I’m sure this is some joke. I yell out, “Is this some kind of joke?” He says, “Nope. I got you. You got me. We’re even, so if you got any more pranks up your sleeve, call ‘em off. I don’t wanna spend another morning scraping fuckin’ pancakes off the ceiling.” I can’t help the chuckle that breaks free. I tell him through my chuckles, “Okay. Well, leave it at the door then.” He utters, “I really wanted to show you how to use it, but…okay.” Listening through the door, I hear his apartment door close. Still uncertain if this is a trick, I open the door, snatch up the small white box and slam the door shut in record time. I narrow my eyes at the box and turn it every which way to get a better look at it. The packaging gives nothing away. What if you open the box and there are bugs in it? The bastard! I put my ear to the box and shake it. Doesn’t sound like there are bugs in it. Doesn’t sound like there is anything in it. The box is light as a feather. I sigh at myself as my curiosity gets the better of me and I open it hesitantly. There’s a small vile of orange colored

liquid in the very center. On closer inspection, the vial has Chinese writing on it. Considering I don’t speak or know any Chinese, this doesn’t help me. I have no idea what I’m looking at. Just as I pick up my cell phone to text Ash, the phone chimes in my hand. It’s a message from Asher and I chuckle because I forgot I changed his name in my phone to ASSer. I open it and it contains a link to a website. I click the link and see a picture of the exact vial I have in my hands. I scroll down and read the information. The vial contains an old Chinese remedy which is used as massage oil. Scrunching my face, I hold the vial close to my nose and sniff. It smells sweet like vanilla. There isn’t enough oil in the vial to have a full body massage. There’s barely enough in there to massage a foot. I read on and when I get to the part that describes the vials contents as intimate pleasure oil, my eyes widen in interest. Oh, it’s that kind of oil! Skimming through the rest of the page information, I get to the end of the page and almost run down the hall and into my room to try this stuff out. It said it takes around twenty minutes for it to start working and that you only need to use a single drop on your pleasure center. Opening the vial, I hold out my index finger and place a single drop on it. Rubbing my thumb and finger together, I shimmy out of my pants and underwear and massage it into my ‘pleasure center’. Not a minute passes before I feel tingling down below. Starting to feel antsy, I move my ass into the kitchen and walk around. A few minutes of doing nothing but walking around, starts to make me even antsier. The tingling between my legs is so intense my face is flushed bright red, my heart races and my breathing heavies. It almost feels like I’m going to have an or“Oh, God! Oh my Goddd! Shit! Fuck! Jesus Christ!” I hold onto the counter for support. My legs shake and my eyes roll back as I come hard. From doing nothing. This oil shit is the shit! On jelly legs, I walk to my room and flop backwards onto my bed. I’ve officially forgiven Ash for whatever the fuck I was pissed at him about. Walking around in only a tee, I quickly put on a pair of underwear, grab my keys and head next door. I unlock the door, breathing heavily and walk into Ash’s place. There he sits behind one of the computer monitors stroking his cock and with a moan I fall to my knees. The tingling between my legs intensifies. He smirks like the ass he is. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. Crawling over to him, I look up at the monitor and gasp. That’s my bed. In my room. That’s my bed in my room! I choke out, “You’ve been watching me?” He nods and smiles, “The cameras were for safety…of course.”

Another orgasm isn’t far behind. I turn my flushed face up to him and beg, “Please fix me!” He shakes his head and tuts, “I’d love to. I really would.” Leaning down, he grips the back of my neck and says huskily, “But you didn’t ask me nicely.” I moan, “Please, Asher! Please fuck me! Oh God, please!” Already lowering his pants, obviously mollified, he says softly, “That’s my girl.” Walking around me, he kneels behind me and tightly grips my ponytail. He leans over me and whispers into my ear, “Buckle up.” In one fell swoop, he pulls down my panties and thrusts into me. Gasping for breath, I come again. He growls and thrusts into me over and over. He states, “You were naughty. Naughty girls get punished.” I shriek when he slaps my ass. The tingles intensify and I whimper. Not again! He spanks me while thrusting into me and I cry out, “I can’t take anymore, Ash! You need to stop!” Gripping my hair tighter and pulling it back to expose my throat, he says in perfect calm, “You will take your punishment tonight or we’ll do this all over again night after night until you ride it out.” Holy fuck, it turns me on when he gets like this! I know what he says isn’t an empty threat and it’s not like I actually want to stop. Can you die from a pleasure overload? Without warning, I come again. I shriek and moan. My legs shake while my eyes roll back. Ash wraps an arm around my stomach for support and pounds into me. His balls slap my clit with every thrust and a few seconds later I come again. Squealing and sobbing all at once, I yell out, “I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!” Ash pants, “Do what?” I cry out, “I have no idea!” Ash chuckles before he groans long and hard. Pulling my hair, he leans over me to whisper in my ear, “Fucking beautiful when you lose control. You are perfect. Take it, baby. You want my come?” “Yes! Give it to me!” I yell out. He groans. “Here it comes, baby.” He grinds his crotch against mine and I moan long and low. He snaps, “Give it to me, Nat!” And my traitorous body does. This orgasm is so intense it hurts. I sob through it and hear Ash say, “Here it comes, girl.”

His body stiffens and he groans with every jerk of his orgasm. After a moment, he walks away from me, leaving me a panting mess on the floor. I look over at him as he wipes the wetness away from his thighs. I guess I came a lot. A whimper breaks free from my throat when the tingles start again. Ash opens the fridge, takes a carton out and brings it to me. He asks, “You read the instructions, babe?” Whimpering, I nod. He sighs and says, “Obviously not good enough.” He pours something cool over my ‘pleasure center’, which has officially overloaded. Using his hand, he gently washes me and the tingles stop. I cry out, “Thank you, God!” Ash chuckles and holds up the carton to show me. It’s milk. I squawk, “Milk?” He raises his brows and nods. Like I’m the stupid one! Exhausted and sated, I whisper, “Sweet baby Jesus, that was something else.” Pushing my hair out of my face, he says, “No more demon witch lady?” I cringe, “Nuh uh. Nope.” I close my eyes and Ash lifts me. Unable to open my eyes, I feel him lower me onto something soft. I assume it’s his bed. He climbs in next to me and takes hold of my hand. Kissing my brow, he whispers, “Goodnight, pretty girl.” Half asleep, I whisper, “Night, Ash. Love you.” Then promptly pass out. *** Waking earlier than I expected, I look over at a sleeping Asher. No more nightmares. Yay! Smiling, I stretch and slip out of bed. I walk over to the kitchen and get a glass of water. I make my way back to bed and my heart swells watching him sleep. He looks at peace. Too bad I have to do this. I pour the contents of my glass over his head. Ash coughs and sputters. He looks up at me like I’ve gone cuckoo bananas and says, “Fucking devil woman! What the fuck?” Matter-of-factly, I tell him, “That’s for putting cameras in my place and watching me without me knowing.” His face actually loses some of its steam and he opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off by kneeling on the bed and kissing him deeply. His argument forgotten, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me to him. Pulling away slightly, he says, “Wait. I have to know something.” I look up at him and nod. He says, “Do you love me?” And I almost choke. My face flushes and I squeak, “What?” He runs a hand through his hair and tells me, “Last night when you were falling asleep, you said you loved me.” Oh shit. Mother fucking sleep talk! Look at what you did?

I sputter, “I- ah- I’m not- What I mean is I don’t kn-” Taking hold of my hand, he says softly, “Loving someone’s not a bad thing, right?” He’s genuinely asking me like he doesn’t know. This makes me sad. Squeezing his hand, I cup his cheek and confirm, “No, sweetie. Loving someone can be a really good thing.” He nods and avoids my gaze when he asks again slowly, “So, do you, ya know, love me?” I don’t answer for a long while. Fear of rejection creeps up my chest and into my throat. Ash looks so much like a child right now. Unsure of himself and a little naïve. I kiss his lips and say against them, “Yeah, baby. I love you.” Pulling back from me and looking me in the eye, he rambles, “Okay. Okay, good. This is nice. I mean, I feel nice. Yeah, okay. This is okay.” Hmmm, not the answer I was expecting. Nor the one I was hoping for. This makes me even sadder. My heart hurts. Ash doesn’t love me back. Putting on a brave face, I smile at him and move to get up. With furrowed brows, he pulls me back to him and whispers, “Never made love before.” Leaning forward, he kisses my stunned and lax mouth. I lean back and ask, “What’s happening here?” He smiles. “I get that you don’t get it yet.” I whisper wide-eyed, “Get what?” His brow furrows but he softens it with a smile. “That you’re my girl.” I’m stunned. I whisper, “I don’t know what to do with this new information.” His lip twitches as he responds, “Just hold onto me and ride the wave, babe.” Blinking once, twice, I respond on a whisper, “Okay.” He lowers his face to mine and kisses me again. A new type of kiss. A gentle, loving kiss. “This is new for me, so be patient. I’m bound to fuck up once or twice,” he explains. Nodding slowly, I circle his neck and place my mouth against his. He moans into my mouth and pulls me into him. His arms wrap around my back and he strokes me sweetly with every kiss. His lips are like wine and I’m feeling love drunk. Reaching for the bottom of his tee, I lift it up and over his head. He does the same to me and for the first time, we don’t take our eyes off each other. This time it’s different. We take our time exploring each other and removing items of clothing til we sit opposite each other naked. His hand reaches out and I curve my face into his touch. His eyes are hooded with lust but there’s more there. I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Moving back from me, Ash sits in the center of the bed with his back to the heardboard. He holds his hand out to me and with a small smile, I take it. When I’m close enough, he lifts me and adjusts me to straddle him. I sit on his thighs and move slightly so his cockhead kisses my folds. I rock against him and he groans, wrapping his arms around me. Never closing his eyes, he captures my lips in a deep and sensual kiss. If I ever had doubts before, I take them all back. I can safely say I am in love with Asher Collins. I’ve never seen this side of him before. I doubt anyone has. This thought makes me head-over-heels happy. Unable to stand the imaginary distance any longer, I lift myself, move forward a little and sink down onto him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kiss him and with my feet planted on the bed, I lift and drop. Slowly. Almost slow enough to be classed as torture. Getting into a rhythm, Ash drops his hands to my ass and squeezes. I hold his face in my hands and search his face for some clue to what he’s feeling. He doesn’t give much away, but I see he’s looking at me differently. Tenderly. I like it. Changing it up, I lower myself onto him and grind back and forth. He groans and grips my ass tighter, warmth spreads through my belly and my pussy clenches. Almost there. I don’t ever want this to stop. The feelings that charge through me right now are strong and empowering. I love that we’re discovering something unknown together. The tingles start and I whisper, “Love you, Ash,” before taking his mouth in deep, wet kisses. He returns my kisses enthusiastically and thrusts up into me. He moans as I start to come and pulls me down into his body. Without a word, he stills and I feel his cock jerk in me. High on bliss, I lean my forehead onto his shoulder and hug him tight. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my shoulder once, twice, three times. “So that was making love?” Lifting my head, I smile sleepily. “Yeah, I guess. I’d never done it before.” Taking a huge risk here, I go on, “I think it only works when two people love each other though.” His face falls and his brow furrows. He whispers, “Oh.” And there’s my answer. He doesn’t love me. Hiding my hurt, I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze my eyes shut to stop the tears from leaking. He strokes my naked back lovingly and says, “Well, either way, I liked it.” Resting my head on his shoulder, I reply quietly, “I’m glad, sweetie.” Feeling like a complete ass, I almost excuse myself when his phone vibrates on the nightstand. Being closer to it, I pick it up and read the display.

Grace calling. Who the fuck is Grace? Handing the phone over to Ash with an annoyed expression, my attitude changes when he takes the phone from my hand, reads the display through furrowed brows then throws the phone as hard as he can. It hits the wall and smashes into pieces. Shocked and a little edgy, I start to slide off him but he holds me firm and gruffly states, “Stay. Just for a bit longer.” There’s a hint of desperation in his voice and I know something is bothering him. Naked and still on his lap, my arms band around his neck and I rest my head on his shoulder once more. I can hear his heart racing through his neck. I don’t know what just happened, but I want to be there for him. My non-boyfriend needs me. Chapter Twenty My girl Never thought I’d see the day when I actually wanted to stay in bed with a broad and just hold her. But that’s exactly what I did this morning. Getting Nat to tell me how she felt about me? Hard. Getting Nat to show something sweet about her that no one else gets to see? Not so hard. With her body pressed into mine, her lips at my shoulder and me breathing her in, she calms me. If that fucking moron hadn’t called me this morning, everything would’ve been fine. As soon as I saw the display, I lost it. Throwing the damn phone was the only thing I could do for relief, apart from fuck Nat hard and fast, but I didn’t want that. She showed me something sweet this morning and I didn’t want to taint it with my bullshit. This is probably the first time in my life that someone has said ‘I love you’ to me and I haven’t wanted to throw up. Does it scare the fuck out of me? Yep. I mean, what am I meant

to do now? Is there some procedure or manual about pleasing the person who loves you? I don’t know about this type of etiquette. Is that even a word? Etiquette? Running a hand down my face in frustration, I sigh. Fuck me. This complicates things. I knew what she wanted from me. I could see the disappointment in her gorgeous green eyes, but I couldn’t do it. I won’t give false hope to someone I care about. And I do. I care about her a lot. More than anyone I’ve cared about in a long time. I want to make her happy. I’d do anything to make her happy. Is that love? I think if you need to question it, then no, it isn’t. I’m out of my depth here. I need to talk to someone about this, but I can’t talk to Nik, Max or Trick without giving away too much. I can’t talk to the girls because they’d figure out what’s happening between me and Nat. Maybe Silvio? Silvio… Are you fucking kidding with that shit? The man can barely speak English! I guess I’m just going to have to figure this out myself. *** As I walk into the main hall of The White Rabbit to head up to the security room, I spot Stefan, the barman. He’s a little younger than me and from what I gather, a decent guy. He’s tall, has blonde hair and brown eyes. If we were standing close enough, anyone would say we’re related. I’ve only spoken to him a few times regarding security issues at the club, but he didn’t give me any attitude and seemed genuinely interested in what I was talking about. I know Nik wouldn’t have hired just anyone to run the bar. He’s gotta be okay if Nik hired him. Why am I rambling? Maybe he can help me with Nat. Walking over to him with what I’m sure looks more like a psychopath’s smile rather than a friendly one, I greet, “Hey, Sheriff. How’s things?” When he turns to face me, he has a hard time masking his surprise. I don’t blame him. I’m surprised as fuck too. Stefan goes about wiping down the bar and stocking beer. He replies, “Hey, Ghost. Fine, thanks. Just fine. More security stuff?” Looking up, I rub my chin and confess, “Nah. Actually hopin’ to talk to you about something.” He immediately looks worried. Wide-eyed, he asks, “Am I fired?” Chuckling, I reply, “Oh shit, man. I can see why you would think that.” Of course he would think they’d send the asshole to fire the bar guy. Straightening, I admit, “Actually need your advice.”

His mouth gapes and he says quietly through wide eyes, “No shit?” Shaking my head, I sit at the bar and tell him, “This is something I can’t talk to anyone else about, so I thought you’d give me a fresh perspective, what with you being a lady’s man and all.” He shakes his head as if to clear it and utters, “Never seen you have problems getting women before, bud.” I nod my agreement and state, “Problem’s not getting ‘em. How the fuck do you keep one, though?” A wide smile appears on Stefan’s face before he says, “That- well, that’s not always easy. But if she’s worth it, you’ll find a way.” Looking at him through narrowed eyes, I snap, “That’s it? That’s all the advice you have to offer?” Still stacking beers, he chuckles, “Never said I was an expert, bud. Look at me. I’m still fucking single.” Sighing, I run a hand through my hair. Standing, I begin to pace. “She’s driving me crazy! She’s all spitfire and twister. She makes me do things that I never thought I’d do. Then she tells me she loves me and for once, I don’t wanna run.” Stopping in my trail, I turn to him and state, “I want to make her happy!” Poking myself in the chest and nodding, I tell him, “Me! I want to make a broad happy. And I don’t want anyone else to have her. I told her she was my girl, and now I don’t know what to do. What does that even mean? I think it means something else to her than what it means to me. I want her and I don’t want anyone else to have her, but I have no idea where to go from here.” I beg, “Help me out, Sheriff. Gimme something to work with here.” Stefan’s shakes his head and chuckles. “You got it bad, man. I think it’s safe to say you found her.” Exasperated, I sigh, “Who?” Standing tall, he states, “The one. All of what you just described…sounds like you found her.” Then he asks, “Do you love her?” My response saddens even me. “I don’t know what love is.” Stefan tilts his head to the side and says quietly, “I’m not an expert or anything, but it sounds like you’re there. And if you’re not, you’re close.” Walking over to him, I extend my hand. He takes it with a smile and we shake. Still shaking his hand, I utter, “You tell anyone about this, I’ll kick your ass.” Chuckling, he turns away and states, “Yep. That’s what I figured.” Walking away, I smile. Nope. Stefan the Sheriff is not a bad guy.

*** With Tina and Lola both at the store, Mimi and I decided to do lunch together. It’s been a quiet day so far, but I know as soon as three pm hits, it’s going to be chaos with Safira’s doing its first catalogue sale. Tina. My little Teeny. No one ever accused her of doing things half-assed. Smart woman that she is, this sale is set to capture the attentions of high school and college kids. She even sent us earlier in the week to local high schools and colleges to hand out catalogues. There was a huge amount of interest. So today will be a good profit day for Tina. Not that she needs it, but the store’s interest is growing and even though she hasn’t said a thing, I’m sure she’s thinking of opening a second store. We decide on sushi and sit in front of the conveyor at the bar. The dishes slide past us and we pick out what we want. As soon as I open my mouth to stuff it with California roll, Meems states, “So I haven’t said anything to the others but I know you’re fucking him.” Mouth still open, I stuff the sushi in and chew. She searches my face through her bold blue eyes and says, “This is something to you, isn’t it?” I don’t say a thing. I chew my Sushi as if it were rubber and match her stare for stare. She whispers, “I hope you know what you’re doing.” Finally swallowing, I open my bottle of water to take a sip and tell her straight out, “I’m in love with him.” Meems smiles her rare genuine smile and says quietly, “I know.” Playing with her food, she states, “I’m rootin’ for you.” Smiling, I nudge her shoulder with mine. I love her for caring enough to say something to me. I love her for believing in me and knowing this is my choice to make. This is friendship. *** Bed. I need my bed. Today was a fucker of a day. Safira’s catalogue sale was a hit. From three til seven pm we were running around like headless chickens attending to customers and putting through sales. The racks were almost bare by the time we finished up, and we literally had to kick some people out when the doors were shutting. Even though I’m tired, I’m happy too. This meant something to Tina. Nik kept trying to interfere by offering his marketing team, but Tina wanted this to be hers. Something she did on her own. And she pulled it off. I could see that Nik was impressed. He stayed at the store with us during the sales hours because he wanted to be sure nothing got out of hand for his little pregnant wifey. Yuk. They are too sweet.

Ash came in around six pm and looked around the store with wide eyes. So many women running around and talking, he looked stunned. He threw up his hands at Nik in an I’m out of here gesture and left, but not before winking at me. And it gave me the butterflies. Ugh, this love shit sucks. Dragging my body down the hall to my apartment, I open the door and smile when I see Asher in the kitchen. My body lightens at the very sight of him. He takes away the extra weight on my shoulders. Something smells good. Like, really good. I drop my bag on the floor by the door and walk over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I breathe a sigh of relief and he lifts one of my hands to kiss it. Okay, okay. This love shit is not bad…I guess. Not taking my arms out from around his waist, I maneuver myself around him so I hug his front. Smiling up at him, I ask in a sing-song voice, “What are you doin’?” Flushing a little as he smiles, he states, “Making dinner. Figured you’d be tired after thatthat- I don’t even know what the fuck that was, but I was not steppin’ in there. It looked like the Bermuda triangle. You’d never find me again.” Laughing softly, I burrow deeper into his chest. I yawn. “I’m so sleepy.” With a soft kiss to the head, he utters, “Go have a shower. It’ll make you feel better.” Lifting my head with a hopeful smile, I say, “You know what would make me feel better?” He looks at me through narrowed eyes, and I bite my lip to stop myself laughing. He’ll never go for it. *** “Get up. I’m gettin’ out.” Pushing back against him, I plead, “No! Stay, please! It’s warm and fun.” I end on a whine. Ash states matter-of-factly, “Not only is this not fun but there is no fucking way I’m going to get hard in here with a plug in my ass!” My head falls back to rest on his chest and laughter bursts out of me. I say through my laughter, “You make it sound like you’re wearing a butt plug!” He utters, “Butt plug. Bath plug. Both are things I don’t want in or around my ass.” He shifts around and I burst into laughter again. “That’s it! I’m gone.” Chuckling, I apologize, “I’m sorry. Really. Please don’t go. I like this. All wet and warm and relaxed.” Okay, so I may have seriously misjudged the size of my bath. It sounded fun at the time and I am having fun, but all my laughter is coming from Asher’s expense. Poor guy. His legs are so long that he’s had to hook them over the sides of the tub so we can both fit in

properly. I’m all nice and warm, snuggling back into his chest and I’m sure that his legs are freezing. I’m a bad non-girlfriend. After a few more minutes of snuggling, I tell him, “Okay, let’s get out.” As I stand, I warn him, “Just so you know, I’m really damn tired so I don’t think you’re getting lucky tonight.” Still in the tub, I turn to face him. His eyes darken as he watches the droplets of water sluice down my naked body. He mutters, “Why do I feel lucky then?” and swipes his thumb across my nipple, causing a jolt in my belly. I scoff as I step out the tub. “Yeah. Like that line ever worked before in your life. C’mon, I’m hungry.” I hold out a hand for him to take. He does and I help him out of the tub. I take a large fluffy towel and start to wipe his body. He looks down at me through furrowed brows and I flush. Okay. He obviously doesn’t like that. Dipping my chin in embarrassment, I say, “Sorry. Here-” I move to hand him the towel but he pushes my hand away, wraps his strong arms around me, wrapping me up tight, and lowers his soft, warm lips to mine. Kissing me long and slow for what seems like forever, I’m officially horny. His tongue dances with mine. He groans into my mouth when I nip his tongue softly. I move closer to deepen the kiss, but he pulls away from me and I almost pout. Looking into my eyes, he smiles. “Let’s eat, babe.” We both dress in our jammies and for the first time ever, Ash doesn’t wear a shirt. I like looking at him. I see past his scars to his firm, sculpted abs and my core leaks happy tears. It makes my heart squeeze in agony to think of what he possibly went through, but no one should feel ashamed of their body. Definitely not one this fine. In a show of silent support, I move over to him, wrap my arms around him and place a soft, wet kiss on his chest. He dishes up the pasta he cooked and it looks as good as it smells. We sit and I try some of the pasta. And it’s really good. Smiling over at him, I say, “You never said you could cook.” Picking up his fork, he smirks. “Never asked, pretty girl.” His newest phone vibrates on the counter and I lift it without permission. Grace calling. I pull the phone closer to me and lower it. It vibrates every other second through our awkward silence. Ash looks at the phone through empty eyes. I don’t know who this woman is, but she’s causing shit for my man and making him angry-sad. I’ll cut a bitch!

The phone stops vibrating and I push it back to the middle of the table. “Didn’t want you breaking another one,” I mutter, avoiding his gaze. He resumes eating and says quietly, “Thanks.” No longer hungry, I pick at my food for a while longer before standing to take my dish to the sink. Just ask him. Ask him who Grace is. Asher comes to stand behind me and wraps his arms around me. Lowering his mouth to the side of my neck, he asks, “TV or bed?” Ask him. When I answer, “Bed,” I feel his smile at my neck and I repeat my earlier admission, “I still don’t think you’re getting lucky tonight, buddy.” Chickenshit. I squeak when he lifts me up and over his shoulder. Smacking my ass so hard it tingles, he says, “I told you, girl. I am lucky.” He throws me down onto the bed and I giggle. Freeze. Hold the hell up. I gasp and Ash chuckles. I whisper, “Did I- I think that was- I can’t believe I just-” “I think you just giggled,” he smirks, thoroughly amused. Shaking my head, I lie, “No, it wasn’t. I don’t giggle. It was gas.” Ash throws his head back and laughs hard. I can’t help but laugh with him. He runs a hand through his hair. “Only you would think that giggling is worse than farting.” Shaking his head, he mutters, “Too damn cute.” He pulls me down next to him and wraps me tight. I peck kisses onto his chest, neck and chin. Feeling brave, I ask quietly, “You think you’ll ever be up to telling me what happened to you?” Rather than answering the question, he pulls me tighter to him and sighs. “When I was eight, my dad lost his job. And it was a good job. He was high up in some lending company, sort of like a bank. We always had money. Mom and Dad both came from money, so it was expected we’d stay that way. Well, shit happens. People lose their jobs every day, but my dad started drinking. A lot. There’s not a memory I have that doesn’t include him drunk as fuck or lying somewhere in his own vomit. He’d been drinking all day. It was my birthday and I was working on my bike in the garage. Dad comes down and…” He stiffens and I know something’s happening. I raise my head to look up at him. His brows are furrowed and his eyes vacant. My heart races. I’m suddenly scared.

Putting my hand to his forehead, I ask quietly, “Baby, talk to me. What’s happening here?” “He was a bad man,” he whispers almost childlike. And my heart breaks. Chapter Twenty-One Memories Eight years old… “The fuck you think you’re doing, boy?” His words sound funny. Like he’s falling asleep. My stomach twists. I’m nervous. He’s been drinking the brown stuff again. I tried it once when he was sleeping outside. It’s not nice. It made me cough a lot. My throat felt like it was burning. I didn’t like it. I tell him, “Fixing my chain, sir.” He wobbles over, knocking things down on the way. He looks funny. I try to hold my laugh but the smile breaks free. He spits through slurred words, “You think this is funny? You got grease everywhere. Who’s gonna clean this up?” I nod and say, “I will, sir. As soon as I’m done.” “So I suppose you want me to say happy birthday to you, son.” His tone is sharp. I avoid his eyes and keep working on my bike chain. I don’t like him when he’s like this. I try to hide the bottle or pour it down the sink, but he always knows it’s me. I don’t like when he hits me. He grabs my arm and yanks me forward, booming, “Look at me when I’m talking to you, boy!” My lip quivers as I look up at him. “Yes, sir.”

Through gritted teeth, he says, “You were the worst mistake of my life, Asher. I prayed to God that your mother would have a miscarriage. I knew you’d be no good. I was right. You’re just a bad seed. You’re nothing and you never will be. Mark my words, boy. Aim low. So low that you can reach the crumbs that drop on the ground. That’s all you’ll be. Scum crawling on the floor. A beggar.” Tears pour out of my eyes. When he notices, he becomes aggravated. “Stop that, boy.” But I can’t, I silently sob. I know he doesn’t like the noise. With every hiccup I see his blood boil hotter. A minute passes and he warns, “You don’t shut that mouth of yours, you’re gonna get it.” It makes me cry harder and shake. I’m scared. When he stands and pulls up his sleeves, I want to scream for help. I know it’s no use, though. Momma wouldn’t come. I close my eyes and wait for the hit but it doesn’t come. Calming slightly, I open my eyes and see his empty, cold eyes staring back at me. He mutters, “I warned you.” Then he steps forward, takes my arm and bends it back at the elbow. I yell out and cry. It hurts so much. He keeps bending. My body shakes like electricity runs through it. The pain is so strong. I feel like I’m going to fall asleep. I scream until my voice is hoarse. I hear it. I hear the snap. Something in my body takes over and I don’t feel a thing anymore. I fall to the floor on my knees before looking up at my dad through blurry eyes. I see his smirk. “That’ll teach ya…little fucker…waste of space…fucking useless,” he says. He walks out of the garage and finally, I sleep. *** “I think he needs to go to the hospital, honey.” Mom sits near me on my bed and bathes my forehead with a cool towel. I think I might burst into fire soon. I don’t think I should be this hot. It feels like someone left me out in the sun to bake. Dad stands at the door glaring at my mom. He says, “He’s fine. Always attention seeking.” Mom looks down at me, her eyes sad. She whispers, “We need to take him to the hospital. His fever spiked last night and it’s not coming down, Robbie. He’s going to die if we don’t do something.” Dad straightens at the door and walks away muttering, “Good riddance.” *** Ten years old… The rain pounds hard on the roof. It’s always weather like this that makes it sore. I rub the long six-inch scar on my left arm. It twinges but I’m used to it.

The black eye he gave me last night holds most of my attention anyways. When I walked in on him wailing on mom, I lost it. Jumped on his back and tore him off of her. I know it was a stupid thing to do, but mom loves him. Really loves him. Why? I have no idea. He’s a shitty husband and a shittier father. I told him if he was gonna pick on anyone, it would be me and I’d take it without a word. I think I struck a deal with the devil. I don’t care what you call it. I have to watch out for my mom. I love her. She’s good to me. Always makes sure I’m okay and not hurt too bad. She sneaks into my room at night and tells me how lucky we are to have each other, that most families don’t have mothers and sons that are as close as we are. I like when she hugs me and plays with my hair. I know she’s trying to make the situation sound better than what it is, but that’s what moms do, right? As long as she keeps looking after me, everything will be okay. *** Twelve years old… Coach saw the bruises yesterday. I told him I got them when I went to my cousin’s farm last week. I think I was pretty convincing, even though I don’t have any cousins or know anyone who owns a farm. Coach looked at me for a long while. Please don’t call my dad. Shit. If he calls dad, I’ll get another round tonight, and last time I stayed out to avoid it, he beat mom. “Come on, Coach. Don’t get me in trouble for chasing the pigs,” I say. Chuckling, Coach replies, “You’re a good kid, Asher, but you’ve got to be more careful. You’re a great addition to the team.” Dad beat me that night anyways. He was drinking again. He drinks all the time. He yells a lot, and when he’s not yelling, he’s sleeping. He smells bad. I don’t think he’s had a shower in months. I try to hold my breath when he’s near me because the smell makes me want to throw up. He got me good. Broke my nose. I’m getting used to keeping painkillers in my school bag. I always take a few before I come home, just in case. I’m nervous about going home tonight. Last night was the first night he told me to fight back. I think he was shocked when I did. Got him in the jaw a few times and pushed him back into the bookcase. As soon as he was down, I ran to my room. I locked the door and jumped out of the window. I’d rather be out in the rain than home with him. Tomorrow I’ll quit baseball. *** Thirteen years old…

“How many fucking times have I told you to keep that shit down?” I grit my teeth and shut my eyes tight. My chest heaves and tears run out of the sides of my eyes. It hurts more when you look at it. I hear my skin sizzle as he presses the metal into my skin. This is his new favorite thing to do. Heating anything metal and burning me with it. Tonight’s choice is a fork. As soon as the prongs touch me, I want to scream loud and hard, but I won’t give him the satisfaction. Besides, if I scream, he works harder. My body shakes. Shaking is good. It means I’m not gonna pass out. I have to be careful when the shaking stops. He knows it too. He waits and watches for it. His knee digs into me, holding me down to the ground, and he touches me over and over with the heated prongs. Never touching my arms, only my chest. He learnt a lesson from breaking my arm. If people could see the scars, they’d ask questions. He doesn’t want people to ask questions, so he avoids the areas people can see. Every now and again he’ll punch me in the face, but people believe anything my parents spout. A few of the better excuses are ‘He’s a very active boy. Loves his sports’ and ‘Boys will be boys’, is an old favorite of my dad’s. Blood roars in my ears. The pain is almost unbearable. I don’t give in though. The thing about burns is that the healing is just as painful as getting them in the first place. I think that’s why he likes doing it so much. Doubling my pain. Clenching my mouth shut, I have no choice but to breathe in through my nose and the stink is so bad. I feel the vomit climb my throat, but I swallow it down again. If I vomit, he’ll make me eat it like last time. Mom sits in the corner of the room. She’s empty. There’s nothing left of the sweet woman I loved. He makes her watch, but she goes someplace he doesn’t know about. She disappears inside her head and hums. I close my eyes and listen to her. She hums one of the songs she used to sing to me when I was a baby. This is her only form of comfort these days. He would punish her for coming to see me at night, so she stopped. I’d like to say I understand, but I don’t. Now I hate her as much as I hate him. I’m the child. She should be protecting me. Not the other way round. She’s weak. And I hate her. *** Sixteen years old… I don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything. Let ‘em talk. I’m gonna leave here one day and things will be better then. I kick the wired fence and push off to walk away. “Hey dipshit, your shirt’s ripped and you stink.”

I look over to the jock and snigger, “Jealous I’m gonna steal your girl, Chris?” Chris’ face reddens. He’s not the best looking guy, but he’s a jock, meaning he’s got some god-like status in this fucking shithole of a school. He comes toward me, grips my already-ripped shirt and sneers, “You’re gonna pay for that, fucker.” He has no idea how many times I’ve heard that exact thing at home. It doesn’t scare me anymore. I lean forward and whisper, “You have no idea who you’re fucking with. I’ll shoot you three times in the head and still make it look like an accident.” For a few seconds he looks like he’s going to let me go, but he and I both know that would make him look weak in front of the others. He cocks his arm back and I sigh, “Make it quick, shithead.” Just then I feel someone by my side. Chris’ eyes widen and he steps back from me. A hand on my shoulder makes me turn and I see this guy. I know this guy. Well, I don’t know him but he’s one of those guys. The popular guys. What the fuck is he doing? Just as I’m about to tell him to fuck off, he says, “You need a hand?” And he isn’t talking shit. I’ve had enough experiences with bad people to know this guy is actually asking if I need help kicking this jock’s ass. Still unsure of him, I narrow my eyes and shake my head. He nods, all the while looking at Chris in warning. And then he’s gone. *** I wait all second period by the lockers. I feel like an ass just standing here, but I want to talk to him. Finally, there he is. Dark brown hair, lightest brown eyes I’ve ever seen and making out with a hot girl. He’s got his hand on her ass and for a second, I’m jealous. I’m taller than him. Not by much though. I wait til he passes me in the hall and run to catch up with him. When I reach his side, I walk with him. I say, “I’m Asher.” He nods his head, looking straight ahead. He replies, “I’m Nik.” We walk the halls together and people stop and stare. People like me don’t hang with people like Nik but there’s something about this guy. He’s got an attitude to him. He’s one of those guys that makes the trends. No one would dare question him. I know why the people are staring. I have holes in my clothes and Nik wears designer shit. We just don’t match. Halfway to class, I ask, “Why’d you do that?” Acting dumb, he asks, “Do what?” I’m this close to losing my shit. I snap, “I don’t owe you a fucking thing, pretty boy!”

Nik grins. A single dimple pops out and he says, “Never said you did, asshole. Calm your shit down. Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna come eat your lunch with me today. Just me and you. We’ll talk then.” Then he disappears down the hall. *** Nik sees I don’t actually have lunch and gives me half his sandwich. He says with a full mouth, “So what’s the deal with all the angry?” I narrow my eyes at him. “What the fuck is there to be happy about?” Nik grins. “Good point.” His face becomes serious. “You been through shit?” I don’t answer, just stare him down while I take a bite of the sandwich. He nods and says quietly, “Yeah, me too.” We don’t talk during the rest of lunch. He finishes his sandwich, and stands. “Come over tomorrow after school. Got some shit you might like to see.” He walks away, and I can’t help but wonder if I really just made a friend. *** I stare at the object in my hands with wide eyes in complete awe. Nik says through a smile, “You like that, huh? Pops gave it to me last year. It came from Russia.” It’s a .45 caliber pistol. I lift it, hold it up and point it out the window. Nik snatches it from my hands, waving the gun in the air and says, “My dad says never to aim at something you don’t intend to kill.” I need to figure out how to steal this gun. Curiosity gets the better of me. I ask, “You ever used it?” Nik nods his head then hands me a bag. I take it but don’t open it. It’s soft. I’m guessing it’s clothes. “If something doesn’t fit, just throw it away.” I wonder why this guy has my back. Regardless of how hesitant I am, something tells me to stick around and find out. *** I don’t know why I’m so nervous, but I can’t stop watching Nik’s dad. I think I’m waiting for the ball to drop. Why did Nik get a dad like this and I got mine? The funny thing is Ilia (weird name - it sounds like Ee-lee-yah) watches me just as closely. It’s like he can see inside me. See what I’ve been through. My heart races as I sit at the dinner table in between Nik and his brother, Max. Max is okay. He’s annoying, but in a lot of ways, he’s like Nik. They really don’t give a shit where I came from. I’m surrounded by a loud, happy family. And it sucks. Reminds me of what I don’t have.

Nik’s mom looks at me through saddened eyes and I want to leave. I don’t want to be a charity case. “Thank you for dinner, but I need to get home.” I stand and make to leave. No one says a word. I can see Nik’s mom is disappointed. Ilia stands and says in a thick accent, “Come. I’ll walk you out.” Keeping my head down, I don’t say goodnight to anyone. Ilia puts a hand on my shoulder and I want to burst into tears. When he closes the front door behind us, he motions to the front steps and I sit. He says, “You ever need any help, son, for anything at all. You call Niki and he’ll tell me. I’ll take care of it.” Stunned, I look up at him and he states, “Bruises on your arm there, they look just like a grown man’s handprint. Now, I’m not saying that I saw what I saw but scars are not easy to hide.” Leaning back he whispers, “No man should ever lay a hand on a child. Children are innocent. They deserve better. If you ever feel like you’re unsafe, you come here. If I find out through Niki that you came to school with bruises, I’ll go see your parents myself and I can’t promise I’ll be nice.” I want to ask why he’s offering this but I change my mind. A bed in a safe house with warmth and food, I’d be stupid to pass that up. I tell myself it has nothing to do with the fact that I like Nik and Max. Looking up at him, I nod in agreement. He smacks my shoulder in a fatherly way and I stand to leave. Walking away from Ilia, I turn halfway down the drive and tell him, “I hate him. I wish he was dead. Some nights, I wish I was too.” Ilia’s face softens. I don’t wait for a response. I walk home to whatever kind of hell waits for me. *** Sixteen years old. Later that year… I pack whatever I can fit into the gym bag. Cannibal Corpse blasts ‘Hammer Smashed Face’ from the cassette player, and I imagine doing every single thing this song says to my father. I’ve been sleeping at Nik’s place. A lot. Truth is, I don’t want to be here anymore, not even to protect my mom, so I’m packing a bag and leaving right now. The other week I came over pretty late and when Cecelia, Nik’s mom, saw my bruised face, she cried for me and hugged me tight. It felt nice to have someone care. Ilia took me aside and ordered, “You will pack whatever you can and come back here. I will not send you back to your death.” I argued that my father wouldn’t allow it but he said, “Leave him to me.”

I got a sick sense of satisfaction knowing my father would likely have his ass handed to him. As I run out into the hallway, my mother stands there. When she sees the bag in my hand, she crumbles. I yell at her, “Don’t even, Ma. Don’t you fucking cry. Run! Just fucking leave. He’s going to kill us if we don’t.” Looking up at the bruises on my face, she whispers, “Nothin’ more than I deserve, Ashy.” With one last look at her, I turn and swear to never come back to this place. As soon as I step out of the property line, I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m going home. Chapter Twenty-Two Shit hits the fan Sitting up in bed, Ash rests his head on my stomach with his arms tightly wrapped around me. He squeezes me in his sleep while I run my fingers through his hair. I listen to his deep breathing. My only form of comfort right now is knowing he’s sleeping soundly without nightmares of the abuse he suffered as a child. My heart is heavy. I’m feeling helpless and withdrawn. I never feel like this. The last time I felt like this was when Mia died. Tina’s daughter was a huge part of my life. I was her aunt, and it affected me as much as it did Tina. I loved that little girl with all my heart. Cursing myself, I lean my head back on the headboard with a soft thump. I wanted to know what happened to him. I was the one who pushed. He told me it was fucked up, and I pushed and pushed til he had no choice but to tell me. And now I wish I didn’t know. So now I sit here, tears streaming down my face in devastation for what this beautiful man endured as a child. I will never forget what I was told tonight. It was as if he zoned out. Like he wasn’t even in the room with me. It seemed like he spoke for hours, when in reality all it took was about a half hour for me to get the general idea of how his life was before he met Nik. Next time I see Nik, I’ll be lucky if I don’t burst into tears. I knew I liked Nik before, but now…now I am grateful for him. Burnt. Cut. Bruised. Choked. Hit.

He was just a fucking baby. All I want to do is find his parents and punish them. He told me his father died quite a few years back and to take pity on his mother, he said, “Mom never hurt me, but she never helped me, so I guess she did hurt me regardless, but she was weak. Weak physically and weak in character. Whatever dad said, she went along with. Didn’t have it in her to fight. She’s not like me.” If Ash is anything, he’s a fighter alright. He had a broken arm for three days before they took him to the hospital. It was infected so bad that the doctors thought he might lose it. Trying to downplay it, he told me he didn’t remember much of it. But I don’t care. Given the chance, I’d hurt them as badly as they hurt him. When I asked him if he had any brothers or sisters he said, “Nik, Max and Trick are my brothers. Only ones that matter.” So many questions came to mind. I asked him why they call him Ghost, and he said that during his time working for the Russians, they discovered he had a knack of getting in and out of places undetected. And Ghost was born. I think it digs deeper than that. I think it hits him somewhere right in the center of his chest. There’s more to it. I know there’s a reason he gets pissed when I call him that. I lift his head from my stomach and scoot down the bed. I take a moment to look at him. Really look at him. He looks so peaceful while he sleeps. Imagining the years of torture he endured followed by years of night terrors…it makes my heart ache. I watch him a moment longer then wipe away my tears. Leaning closer to him, I kiss his lips whisper-soft and say quietly, “You’re not invisible to me, Ghost.” I snuggle closer to him and wonder if he feels that warmth. The same warmth that I feel when I’m with him. Taking his hand in mine, I link our fingers and close my eyes. “Sweet dreams, Ash. Love you.” *** Something taps my nose. I flap my hand about to get rid of it. Again with the nose. I growl and put my head under the pillow. It smells like lemon and berries under here. Nice. “Asherrrr.” Nat. She says this in a sing-song voice, and I know I have to look up at her. When I lift my face, I rub the sleep out of my eyes and freeze. There she is, standing at the door wearing only my shirt and panties. Sexy as sin and cute as hell all rolled into one.

Then I’m doused in water. In defense mode, I snatch her pillow and hold it up while I roll off the bed army-style. I hear her pump the damn water pistol and she yells out, “Fair’s fair,” then she throws something on the bed. Her footsteps running away from the bedroom fill my ears. When I think it’s safe, I lift my head and look on the bed. I smirk. Picking up my own huge water pistol, I pump it as far as it’ll let me. I check the water level. It’s full. My lips pull down, raise my brows and tilt my head. The little minx didn’t stiff me. Respect. Oh, now she’s gone and done it. Stealth mode takes over and I crawl around the bed til I get to the bedroom door, dragging my legs behind me. I stick my head out from the bottom of the door, and I see a tiny mouse head slipper sticking out from behind the kitchen counter. I smirk. It’s on. I crouch and creep towards the kitchen, being careful not to make a sound. Can’t nobody be quieter than the Ghost. When I reach the opposite side of the counter, I mentally count to three, then jump out with a war cry, guns blazing and spraying the shit out of her. Only, there’s no one there. Just a damn slipper. My back is suddenly saturated. I turn and my front becomes drenched too. Cutting my losses, I toss the gun and take two steps toward Nat. She looks beautiful. Flushed cheeks, bright-eyed and laughing her ass off at me. When I think of her, I’m going to see her exactly as I see her now. She really is my pretty girl. Narrowing my eyes with a cruel smile, she stills a moment. When she realizes what I’m doing, she squeaks, drops her gun, turns on her heel and runs. I yell out, “Run, Forrest, Run!” C’mon! Even I know Forrest Gump. There are only three possible places in this apartment she can run to, and she just ran out of the kitchen, leaving her bedroom and the bathroom as her only options. I walk to her bedroom and throw open the door. It looks empty but… Something falls in the closet and I chuckle to myself. The closet? She can’t get anywhere from in there! Too cute. I approach the closet door smiling like a damn fool, take the knob and throw it open. I scrunch my face as water splashes me in the eyes. The little shit has two small pistols in her hands. She’s laughing so hard she’s crying. I snatch the pistols, throw them behind me and

pick her up and over my shoulder. She doesn’t bother fighting. I don’t think she could if she wanted to. Her body is weak from laughter. This is what I like about this girl. She doesn’t treat me like I’m damaged. I know last night must have been hard to hear, but she took it well. Masked her emotions like a pro. The only thing giving her away was her clenching jaw and the way she fisted the covers. This girl. She’s my girl. She’s not perfect. Neither am I. But she’s perfect for me, and I’ll do anything I can to keep her. Walking across the room with her, I throw her onto the bed. She looks up at me with those pink cheeks and smiling eyes…and I’m home. No place I’d rather be than here with my girl just goofin’ around. Maybe Sheriff was right. Maybe this is love. If it isn’t, it’s pretty damn close. I push her legs apart and lay on her, my head on her chest. I listen to her heart race and smile, knowing I have that effect on her. My chest expands and I feel like claiming her. So I do. I wrap my arms around her small waist and say gruffly in caveman speak, “You woman. My woman.” She laughs and I listen through her chest, the vibrations tickling my cheek. Stroking my hair, she replies softly, “Yeah. I’m yours, babe.” The thought of her with someone else makes me irrationally angry. My gut twists and I spit out, “And I do not share. Not with any fucker.” Gripping the longer hair at the top of my head tight, she pulls my head up to look into my eyes and replies in complete seriousness, “Me too. So tell Tasha you’re not seeing her anymore.” Even though my scalp aches like a bitch, I smile, “Already did, girl.” Smiling back, she says softly, “Good. Would’ve been a shame for me to kick her ass. She seemed nice.” She loosens her grip of my hair and I lay my head back in the valley between her breasts. It’s so warm and comfortable there. I close my eyes and mumble, “It’s different with you. What is it about you, girl?” She stills a moment before she resumes stroking my hair. She says quietly, “I don’t know, Ash. But I love you. A lot.” I want to return the sentiment. I really do. But I’m not there yet. Not quite. I feel strongly for her. Stronger than I’ve ever felt for anyone in my life and knowing she’s mine makes me feel like I can do anything. Overcome anything. She took away the one hold my father had

on me. Now I don’t even think about him anymore. I feel lighter and happier than ever and it’s all because of her. Warmth spreads throughout my body. I turn my face and kiss the inside of her breast. I don’t answer her, just squeeze her tight. She wraps her legs around me and we stay that way for a long while, completely comfortable in our silence. Fuck me. I think I’m falling in love with my girl. *** “Yo, pretty girl, it’s time to go. Get your ass into gear.” What? I shuffle out of my bedroom, careful not to touch my still wet toenails, still dressed in my jammies. My brow furrows in confusion and I ask, “What are you talking about, Ash? I don’t have to leave for…” Checking my watch, I tell him, “…another two hours.” He looks so good in his uniform. Those muscular arms strain his tight black tee and I want to lean against something and sigh. He wears a pair of black jeans that look as if they were made for him, encasing his strong legs. His belt buckle gleams and his black dress shoes look just polished. Shaking his head, he tells me, “Nuh uh. Called Meems, told her you were comin’ in with me tonight.” My eyes widen, my mouth gapes and I snap, “You think you could’ve told me, asshat?” His face drops as he mutters, “The fuck I do now?” Shaking my head, I exhale loudly in frustration and explain in an almost shout, “It’s a process, Ash! It takes time to get ready to go clubbing. I haven’t touched my hair or makeup yet. I don’t even know what I’m going to wear tonight!” His face lifts again and he smiles, “The dress you wore last week was hot. Wear that.” I scoff in disbelief and tell him, “There are rules for dressing, babe! Number one is do not wear the same thing twice in a row.” His face becomes serious. He stares into oblivion and he nods slowly as if he finally understands my predicament. He stalks past me and goes into my room. I hear him shuffling around and not a minute later he comes back out with tight, long sleeved red and black checkered dress and a pair of plain black pumps. It could be worse. It’s actually…not bad. He looks at me cautiously through wide eyes like he’s expecting me to lose it. I roll my eyes. “Not bad, pinhead.” He smiles. I’ve never seen Ghost smile like this. It’s an Asher smile. It’s beautiful. It makes me want to fuck up the person who took this smile away from him. I tell him quietly,

“You did good, baby.” It takes me all of fifteen minutes to get ready. Seriously, a freakin’ record for me. I wear the dress and shoes Ash picked for me, and when I walked out of the bathroom, he looked me up and down wearing a stupid smile as if he is proud of his handiwork. Halfway to the club, he says to me, “Not wearin’ your lips tonight?” I smirk. I was hoping he’d notice. “I will be. I’ll fix it in the mirror before we head in.” He has no idea I’m not wearing lipstick because I have plans to do things with my lips before we enter the club. As soon as he parks his panty-wetting muscle car into The White Rabbit’s parking lot, I wait patiently til he takes out the keys and turns to me. I climb across the seat and into his lap. I place my arms around his neck and smile softly at him. His face softens as he searches me through a tender gaze. We look into each other’s eyes for a short while and my heart races. I lean forward slowly and kiss his lips, so soft it’s barely a whisper. He growls low in his throat and captures my bottom lip, gently nipping it. Opening my mouth, I push my tongue against his and moan at the contact. I love this man. With all my heart. He’s it for me. I’ll never find another like him. I press into him, deepening our kiss. His arms wrap around me, constricting me, making me feel safe and warm. I reach up and cup his cheek. He pulls back a little and says, “Say it.” Confused, I pull back further and look into his hooded eyes. He repeats, “Say it, baby.” It dawns on me and with a small smile, I tell him sincerely, “I love you, Asher Collins.” Looking pained, he closes his eyes and rests his forehead on mine. He whispers, “Don’t deserve you. Not even a bit. But as long as you want me, you got me.” My eyes close and I whisper, “Don’t leave me. Ever.” “Never. You’re my girl,” he replies seriously. My heart swells with joy and I breathe a sigh of relief. Tonight is going to be a good night. *** As soon as we enter the club, it’s time to commence mission No one suspects a thing. Basically, Ash and I have to start acting like our old selves. It’s not something I like doing, but I really do want this relationship to be just mine and his for a little longer. At least til he can tell me he loves me. He almost said it this morning but something is holding him back. I felt the waves of frustration radiating off of him. It hurt a little, but I know he’s trying. I’m doing my best to not take it personally. I know what he went through at home. As far as I’m concerned, I’m lucky he’s claiming me as his girl. That’s a big step for lil old Ghost. Just before we enter the club, he kisses me long and hard. I’d just put on my lipstick but I don’t care. His lips are drugging. His kisses are mind-consuming. I’m a lucky, lucky girl.

Now it’s showtime. He follows me through the door and squeezes my ass. I turn to him and see he wears his cheeky new happy smile. I’ve only had the honor of seeing it a few times before. I can’t help but chuckle at him. The real Asher is actually quite a goofy guy. Who knew what was hiding under all the broodiness? It’s early. The club doesn’t open for another half hour. He leads me upstairs to the VIP area. He looks over at me and says, “Got shit to do,” then throws a wink my way and walks toward the security room. I trot over to the bar to greet Stefan, the handsome barman. I say, “Howdy, Sheriff.” He looks up at me and smiles while clutching his chest. He teases, “Be still my beating heart.” Chuckling, I tease, “You know, I could really use a drink. I know you’re busy and all, but I want the most complicated thing you can muster. Make it a double. And I want a show, like Tom Cruise in Cocktail.” He barks a laugh, winks at me and says quietly, “I ain’t ever too busy for you, beautiful.” We chat and laugh and just as he starts to make my fancy drink, Tina appears by my side, hugging me and bouncing up and down. She looks at Stefan and says, “Yay! I love when Sheriff puts on a show!” We whoop and cheer as Stefan flips and catches bottles. He mixes two drinks and hands one to Tina. We both look at it like it’s poison being that Tina’s pregnant. Trying my hardest not to be inconspicuous, I grab her drink and shoot it. Tina cheers me on and as soon as Sheriff turns around, she mouths dramatically, “Thank you, honey!” and runs a hand down her face. I chuckle at her over-the-top dramatics. Two hours later, we’re all seated at the booth. Asher is doing a shift of security work so he won’t be free for a few hours, but I’m having so much fun with my friends that I’m happy knowing he’s in the same vicinity as me. Max and I flirt, as per usual. He says some dirty, dirty things that makes even me blush. I spend most of the night laughing my head off at the ridiculous conversations happening and watching Nik and Tina through envious eyes. I want that. That carefree relationship. The love. The comfort of knowing you’re committed to your soul mate. I want it all. Max pulls me into his side and I snuggle him. I love Max. He’s my best guy friend. I feel the booth bench depress and I turn to see a very unhappy Asher glare at me. I flush in guilt, straighten and say in perfect old Nat, “What the hell are you lookin’ at, assface?”

Ash glares at Max, leans closer to me and whispers into my ear, “Shit’s gonna hit the fan, baby. Brace yourself.” For a second, I think he means he’s going to lose his shit and I’m worried. My worry abates when he nods over to the VIP entrance and my mouth gapes before I burst out laughing. Oh, shitty shit shit. It’s gonna hit the fan for sure. When they spot me laughing, everyone turns to look towards the VIP entrance. Mimi, Tina and Lola whoop in excitement. Nik, Max and Trick all wear what the fuck faces. And it’s hilarious. Nik and Max’s sisters, Leticia, Maria and Isabel stand there all dolled up and waving excitedly. Here’s the thing. Isa…she’s only nineteen. Fucking hilarious! Rock on!

Chapter Twenty-Three Coming out Nik stands and yells out, “Here. Now.” All three sisters look worried for a second. You see, Nik was a father figure in his household. His father died when he was a teenager so he took over those duties. He is, what I like to call, a fucking champ. I love Nik and couldn’t have picked a better guy for my best friend. The sisters putter to the table with wide eyes. Nik and Max’s sisters are stunning. Leti is the oldest, Maria is the middle sister and Isa is the youngest…by a lot. Nik is almost sixteen years older than her. Leti and Maria look like twins. They have long, dark, wavy hair. So dark it could be called black, and big dark-brown expressive eyes like their mama. Isa looks very much the same but she has big expressive amber-colored eyes like Nik and Max. And Isa is a hottie for such a tender age. Nik’s going to have a hernia when she starts dating, if she isn’t already. Leti, as the oldest tries to pacify Nik. She places her hand up in a wait motion. “Do you think I would take my little sister out to get her into trouble, Nikolai?” He opens his mouth to speak but Maria cuts him off with a whiny, “C’mon, Niki. Take a chill pill. She’s not drinking. She’s bored at home all alone.” When she says all alone, she takes her hand and squeezes Isa’s cheeks and I burst into laughter. I love these girls. Isa shakes off Maria’s hand, dips her chin and says quietly, “It’s okay, Niki. I can go. I don’t want to be a bother.” My heart silently breaks for her but I see Nik’s is too. He pulls her into a hug and says, “You can stay, baby, just as long as you don’t drink. I love you a hell of a lot, but I don’t want to lose my liquor license over this.” Isa smiles and looks up at her big brother like he hangs the stars at night. He looks at her the exact same way and I suddenly miss my sisters. Tina stands and pulls Maria down next to her. They chat immediately about some new clothing that’s come into the store. Mimi hijacks Leti to talk gossip and smack about anyone and everyone. I see Isa look around the table wide-eyed. She feels out of place. I hate that. I wave her over, and when she gets close enough, I pull her down to sit on Asher’s side so we’re flanking him and I ask her about school. Ash smiles like a proud father and puts his arm around her. I forgot that Isa is like his sister. She would’ve been only a baby when he

came to live with them. She shoots him a sweet smile before her expression turns exhausted. She says, “We’re on a break now. Thank God. I don’t know how much more I can take of it. To think there’s another three years…I think I could pass out.” Smiling, I tell her, “My sister is in her last year of physical therapy and she says it’s worth the long haul.” She smiles softly and I say, “Hang in there, babe. It’ll be worth it in the end.” We all chat for a while longer before Trick asks his cousin aloud, “So, Isa baby, you dating anyone?” She flushes bright red, her eyes wide as she looks across the table at a suddenly stiff Nik and Max. She stutters, “N- No! I mean, no boys asked me out. They wouldn’t anyways. I’m not their type.” She sounds so dejected that I reach over Asher’s lap to take her hand. I say loudly, “Then they’re stupid because you’re beautiful and smart.” Ash looks over at me with a soft expression, his eyes suddenly gooey. I shoot him a dark look through furrowed brows and shake my head discreetly. It dawns on him. He clears his throat and scowls again. Good boy. Max snaps, “What do you need to date for anyways, Isa? You’re still a baby. Don’t sweat it til you’re older, honey.” Oooh, shitballs. I know he was trying to be the supportive brother, but not only did he call his sister a baby in front of his friends, he implied that she needn’t worry about dating…ever. All the girls gape at Max. Their expressions say surely he’s lost his mind. Suddenly, an Isa I’ve never seen before emerges. Her eyes narrow at Max and she spits, “I’m not a damn baby, Max! I’m fucking nineteen. I’ll be twenty in a few months…and I’ve dated. A lot! And I’ve kissed guys too. Watch!” She turns, grabs Asher’s face with both hands and pulls his stunned face down to hers. She kisses him with enthusiasm. He doesn’t move a muscle. Too stunned to react, he just sits there and takes it and I want to burst into laughter. So I do. This is the funniest thing ever! I love that my family is not the only one with anger issues. Isa lets go of Asher’s face, turns to her brothers, flips them both the bird and exclaims, “Vete a la mierda!” before standing and stomping down to the ladies room. Now, I don’t speak Spanish, but it sounded like she told both her brothers to fuck off and by the look on Nik and Max’s faces, I’d say I’m right on the money. Nik’s face pulls into a frown as he mutters, “What the hell did I do?” He points to Max and accuses, “He’s the knucklehead.”

Leti looks devastated. She turns to Max and demands, “Fix this!” Maria says to Max through a humorless chuckle, “You’ve done it now, Maxie Boy. Have you ever heard of finesse? Because you need it. In bucket loads. No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.” Max opens and shuts his mouth like a gaping fish. At least he has the grace to look guilty. Tina moves to stand but I hold out my hand and say, “Stay. I’ll check on her.” Without waiting for a response, I head over to the VIP ladies room. As soon as I walk in, I see Isa sitting in one of the armchairs looking sadder than she should be. I plop into the chair next to her and state, “That was quite a show, honey.” She shrugs and I go on, “I gotta say I liked it when you told your brothers to fuck off.” She cracks a smile and I admit, “But my favorite part was when you made out with Ash.” Isa covers her face with her hands and bursts into laughter. I laugh with her. We both laugh so hard that we cry. Once I get my laughter under control, I ask, “What was that about, babe?” She puffs out a frustrated breath. “I’m sick of them treating me like a child. I know I’ll always be the baby of the family, but there’s a point where it needs to stop. The overprotectiveness. The babying. It’s too much. I hate it.” Nodding in agreement, I say seriously, “Well, now they know. That’s for sure. I think you might need to say something to Asher though.” I chuckle at the memory of his expression. “He looked seriously freaked out.” I imitate his wide-eyed, stunned expression and we burst into laughter again. She says softly, “You call him Asher.” Shit. I did, didn’t I? With a small smile, she goes on, “No one calls him Asher except Mom.” I open my mouth to try to explain myself but she cuts me off by saying quietly, “That’s really cool.” And somehow, I know she’ll keep my secret. Standing, I pull her up with me and pull her to my side. I hold her hand and say, “I could use a drink. C’mon.” We walk out of the bathroom and over to the bar. *** Someone clears their throat and I look up. Nat stands smiling behind Isa, holding onto her hand in a show of support. Isa says to the entire booth, “I’m sorry for making a scene. I apologize for almost ruining your night.” She turns to me looking sheepish. “Sorry, Ghost. You were the closest guy to me who wasn’t a relative and I was making a point.”

Giving her a small smile and rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly, I say, “Well, I guess you sure showed them, huh?” Isa smiles a megawatt smile at me and I see Nat lower her head as her body shakes with silent laughter. Nik clears his throat and says, “That’s okay, honey. I know I forget you’re a woman now and…” His face softens as he continues, “…I know you’re not a baby anymore.” Max stands and wraps Isa in a big hug. They hold each other and talk quietly for a while and I know they’ve worked it out when I see them both smile. When they take their seats, I reach for my cola. I take a sip just as Max says, “Hey Ghost, where’s Tasha these days?” I open my mouth to speak and swallow at the same time. I choke on my drink, coughing and sputtering. Some cola goes up my nose and the rest ends up all over me. Nat bursts into laughter. She shakes her head, muttering, “Spaz.” Getting my shit together, I clear my throat and tell Max, “I don’t see her anymore.” I don’t know where it comes from, but I can’t seem to stop myself from saying aloud, “Actually, I’m sorta seeing someone.” And as soon as I say it, I wish I had one of those magic poof balls that the villains use in the old time movies. You know? The ones that go poof making a huge cloud of smoke giving the villain time to disappear. Yeah. Those. Nat stiffens by my side and I see Isa smile big. Suddenly I’m bombarded with questions. Max leans forward and asks incredulously, “Seeing someone? As in dating?” I nod and Trick says wide-eyed, “Wow. Who is she?” I open my mouth to answer but Nik cuts me off by asking, “How long you been seeing this broad?” Scowling at Nik, I suddenly want to smack him for calling Nat a ‘broad’. Only I get to call her a broad because she’s mine. She’s a…I would say lady, but…yeah, no. Let’s call her a spitfire. Tina looks dreamy-happy when she states, “Oh Ghost, honey, we need to meet her!” Mimi side-eyes Nat and repeats, “Yeah. We’d love to meet her.” Lola looks from me to Nat looking sad. She says sulkily, “Well that sucks.” Trick nudges her and she amends her previous statement to, “I mean that’s great.” Forcing the fakest smile I’ve ever seen her wear. Maria and Leti look like they’re about to burst from happiness. And I suddenly feel courageous. I tell them, “Yeah, she’s- uh- she’s something else.” Reaching under the booth, I squeeze Nat’s knee and go on, “She’s fuckin’ funny and cute as hell. She yells at me all the time. Doesn’t take my shit.” I feel Nat’s hand cover mine. Her thumb caresses the back of

my hand and I continue, “She listens to me even when I’m being an ass. There’s something different about this one. I want her. To keep. She says she loves me.” All the girls gasp and make gooey faces while clutching their hands to their chests. All except Nat and Mimi, that is. Mimi smiles gently and Nat remains stone-faced. Tina leans forward and asks quietly, “Do you? You know? Love her?” Squeezing Nat’s knee again, I reply, “She’s teachin’ me how.” If Tina could melt into a puddle, she would’ve just now. Shit, she actually looks like she could cry. Max looks shocked. So does Trick. And Nik. Okay, they all do, and normally I’d give a fuck or two, but not a single fuck was given this day. If she’d let me, I’d tell them all right now that she’s mine. And I’m keeping her. *** Oh. My. Fucking. God. Did that just happen? Did Ash just tell everyone that he was dating me and that I was teaching him how to love? Swoon, baby. That right there was swoon-tastic. He is so getting laid tonight. I might even beg to suck his cock. I know how much he likes that. If I’m being honest, I like it as much as he does. I take a sip of my drink just as Ash slides his hand from my knee up my thigh. I try to swallow but it goes down the wrong way, so I sputter and cough my ass off. I cough long and hard for a good minute when Ash throws my previous insult back at me. He chuckles and mutters, “Spaz.” Still holding my thigh under the table, he slides it a little higher, looks down to me with a scowl and says, “Did you lock my car?” Suddenly horny and confused, I tell him, “What the fuck are you talking about, asshat?” He sighs loudly and the whole booth looks up at us. Why is he making a scene? He says, “There’s a way to lock it. My baby gets stolen, it’s on you.” Oh! I get ya, baby. Wink, wink. I glare at him and say, “Well, if you’d shown me in the first place, you wouldn’t be questioning me right now.” Ash shakes his head, exhaling loudly and muttering, “Ain’t gonna be a next time.” Then nods his head. “Come on.”

Isa moves out of the booth trying hard to hide her smile. Ash stands and I follow him out. I meet Tina’s eyes, and mouth, “Asshole!” She throws me a sympathetic look and waves to me. Running to catch up with him, I tell him, “You could’ve warned me, Ash.” He shakes his head and says, “Need to be inside you, pretty girl. Now.” Taking hold of my forearm, he almost drags me out of the club and over to his shiny black Impala. A word to describe this car. Hot. Sex incarnate would be another. The doors unlock and he walks around the car. He sits in the passenger front side, pushing the bench seat back as far as it’ll go. He pats his lap, looking up at me through hooded eyes. Oh, I like this. The parking lot is dimly lit but if anyone walked past his car, they’d see us pretty damn clearly. And that makes this all the hotter. He unbuckles his shiny silver belt, undoes the top button to his jeans, lowers his zipper, then reaches into them and pulls himself free. Damnnnn! Every time I see it, my heart skips a beat. It’s a nice dick. Thick, long and strong. And it’s all mine. Careful of my head, I climb over to straddle him. Once my knees are settled nicely, he slides his hands down my back, under my dress to cup my ass. He stills before he looks up at me, his expression stunned. He says hoarsely, “Pretty girl, please tell me you haven’t been sitting at the booth all night without panties on.” I smile the most angelic smile I can muster and his head falls back with a groan. My dress is moved up, bunched around my hips. He lifts me a little, positions himself at my entry and before I can say a word, he drives home. I reach up to clutch his shoulders, close my eyes and moan loudly. He doesn’t move a muscle. I lower my face to his neck and feel his pulse thumping through my lips with every sensual kiss I place there. Running my tongue up the side of his neck, I stop to kiss his jaw. I breathe him in, a strong and completely male scent. Woodsy and musky and totally panty-wetting. Knowing it’ll drive him crazy, I nip his earlobe and whisper, “I love you, Ash.” His arms tangle me up, he groans long and thrusts up into me, so deep that my eyes flutter back as my core clenches around him. My pussy weeps happy tears. He reaches up and holds my chin down to him. His kisses are wet and sexy. His tongue plunders into my mouth using the same rhythm as his thrusts. My breathing turns erratic, my core clenches tight and I moan into his mouth. He reaches down between us and presses his thumb to my clit, rolling it in soft lazy circles. My face heats, my heart races and I gasp suddenly when my core contracts

uncontrollably in release. Ash growls into my mouth. He says, “My dirty girl. I fucking love you like this. All mine, baby.” I whimper as he captures my mouth in a possessive kiss that rocks my very soul. He mutters into my mouth, “Here it comes, pretty girl. All yours.” His thrusts become erratic, his arms tighten around my back and he holds me tight as he finds his release. I feel him jerk inside of me and it heightens my already blissful high. His body relaxes against mine, his breathing steadies and his shoulders slump. He pulls back to search my face and says, “This is mine,” then he reaches down to cup my still impaled pussy, and it’s so hot that I gasp a little before nodding vigorously. Somehow, he doesn’t look convinced but he nods lightly before he demands, “Lips, baby.” Leaning my face closer to his, I suddenly move back and ask, “Why’d you do that? You know, in there?” Confusion settles over his face. He sighs quietly, “I really don’t know. It felt like a compulsion. Like I couldn’t stop it.” Nodding in stunned disbelief, I whisper, “That’s an acceptable answer.” He blinks once before his wide new Asher happy smile appears. I grip the front of his shirt and rub my cheek against his. I move slightly so our noses touch and run my nose up his, softly and sweetly. I ask him quietly, “So, I’m still your obsession?” His hands rub my back in long, soothing strokes. Pecking a small kiss on my lips, he answers, “The one and only. Never stopped, pretty girl.” Swallowing hard, I suddenly start to sweat when I ask in a barely-there whisper, “You’re trying hard, right?” He presses into me in a deliberately slow, open-mouthed kiss that would set anyone’s tongues wagging. He replies, “Yeah. I am. Which makes me think you’re worth it.” I smile into his mouth and utter, “I am.” We both chuckle at my cockiness. A second passes before I say, “Ash?” “Yeah, girl?” I whisper, “My ass is asleep.” His body shakes against mine and I lean back to watch him laugh.

Nothing could be better than this. Chapter Twenty-Four The Ghost returns Taking a break from my work, I head on over to the chillout room, walk to the sofa and land with a plop.

Watching Nat all day long is giving me some serious issues. Everyone’s gonna know about us if I walk around all day with a hard-on. And not just a stiffy but a full-on raging hardon. It’s like my dick knows she’s on the screen and wants to get closer to her. I spent most of last night thinking about what’s happening here. I came to a conclusion. Nat is a witch and she’s cast a spell on me. Yep. That’s the only explanation I could come up with. Why else can’t I stop thinkin’ about her? I think about her all the time. When I’m at work. When I’m at home. When I’m at the gym. When I’m in bed with her, fuckin’ holding her. She’s in my brain, hijacking my thoughts all the time. And it annoys me, but when I see her, I don’t give a fuck about anything other than touching her or holding her or even just talking to her. A scowl forms on my face and my lip curls. I don’t do warm fuzzies. See? Witch. Closing my eyes, I lean my head back on the sofa and sigh. Last night she asked me if I was trying and I am. I really am. But I don’t know where to go from here. I need advice. The seat depresses and I feel something cold press into my hand. Opening my eyes I see Nik on the seat next to me, watching me through narrowed eyes. “Who shit in your cereal?” I open the soda he’s placed in my hand and sip without answering. He nods long and slow before muttering, “Ahh. Woman problems.” Scowling at him, I lie, “You’re way off, bro.” He leans back from me, eyebrows raised. “Oh yeah? I’m wrong? You’re forgetting who’s got a pregnant wife at home.” He nods. “That look? I know that look. Fuck. I invented that look. You owe me royalties for using it.” I can’t help but chuckle. Nik knows how to make a funny. Giving in, I ask, “When you first realized you were in love with Tina…what did that feel like?” He leans back with his arms resting behind his head. He sighs through his smile and says, “Still feelin’ it, man. Still affects me.” Turning to face me, he goes on, “Feels like no one else matters, just her. Like she’s the center of my world. Every time I see her, I just want to touch her. I want everyone to know she’s mine. She makes me happy. I know I’ll never love anyone as much as I love her. Well, maybe Tatiana and the new baby, but Tina, she’s always gonna be my girl. A fuckin’ hurricane.” Fuck. That’s how I feel about Nat.

I frown at my thoughts. Nik continues, “Now I’m not saying you’re seeing her or whatever, but if Nat was my girl…” I turn to glare at him and he bursts into laughter. Through his laughter, he says, “…If she were my girl, I know she’d want it all.” Okay, my interest is fuckin’ peaked now. Still glaring at the ass, I ask, “What do you mean?” Nik’s smiling face becomes thoughtful as he replies, “Nat isn’t the type to do anything half-assed. If she wants it, she wants it all. She might be happy with what you’re givin’ her right now, buddy, but sometime in the future, she’s gonna expect you to man up and bite the bullet.” What bullet? Confused, I ask, “What bullet?” It’s Nik’s turn to glare at me. He says, “Wake the fuck up and clue the fuck in. Marriage, Ghost. She’s gonna want it. Is that something you can offer her? Because if it’s not, I suggest you break it off right now.” Marriage? Fuck me. Random thoughts swirl through my head. I want to be with her. I don’t want anyone else to have her. If I put a ring on her finger, it would mean she’s all mine and will be for life. I suddenly wonder why the thought of marriage used to make me feel like I’d swallowed a pint of lead paint. I could do marriage with Nat. Nik breaks me out of my thoughts. He quietly tells me, “She isn’t going to want someone who pushes her away when shit gets tough. She’s going to want a man who’ll talk to her, talk through issues and she’ll want to help with those issues.” Leaning back again, he says, “Love you like a brother, man, but Nat’s like my sister, so if you break her heart, you leave me no choice but to break your nose.” I look over at him and his lip twitches as he says, “Not that you’re dating her. Just saying.” Without another word, he winks at me, stands and leaves me sitting on the sofa with a hundred more questions than I had to begin with. The question is, can I be the man Nat needs? *** Walking into my apartment after a long day at work, I slip off my heels and yell out, “Honey, I’m home!” I’m a very 1950’s sitcom way. No response. My brow furrows. That’s strange. Ash is normally here and waiting on me after the longer shifts I have. He must still be at home, which is fine because I need a shower real bad before I get some sweet, sweet lovin’. I stink.

Dropping my bag on the counter with a sigh, I walk into my bedroom and turn on the light. I squeak when I see Ash sitting on the edge of my bed, waiting for me. Clutching my chest, I chuckle and say, “Babe. Word of warning. No sneaky-ups on me. That’s the best way to get a concussion.” His elbows rest on his knees and he holds his fisted hands in front of his mouth. He looks deep in thought, so I figure I’ll leave him to it. I walk over to him, kiss his forehead and tell him, “I got to have me a shower. Your lady is a very stinky one today.” Just as I walk away from him he says, “Nat, come back here.” Not turning, I utter, “In a second, babe. I really need that shower.” He says, “Nat. I’m leaving.” I walk into the bathroom to turn on the shower and reply, “Okay, I’ll be over in about fifteen. I just gotta-” My body shakes in shock as he roars, “Sit. The fuck. Down.” He yells so loudly that the veins in his neck bulge. Placing my hand on my chest, I feel my heart race through my palm. I whisper, “Okay,” then move to sit on my bed. Something tells me this is not the time to argue so I don’t. I know. I’m as shocked as you are. Unease flows through me. Something’s not right. Searching his face, my heart squeezes as I take in his cold expression. He says firmly, “This- this thing. It’s not good and it has to stop.” No. God, no. Tingles hit the bridge of my nose and my eyes sting. I ask quietly, “What thing?” He waves an arm out to me and mutters, “This you and me thing. I’m changing everything about myself for you and I don’t like it. So, no more. We said that when one of us wasn’t into it anymore, we’d call it quits and I’m not into it anymore.” My chest aches with every beat of my racing heart. My heart is breaking. Shattering into a million pieces. His gaze hits the floor. He places his hands on his hips and stands tall. He says, “I liked it. I mean, I do like you. It’s just not for me. You need another type of guy. A guy I can’t ever be.” Where is this coming from? My stomach clenches. Lifting myself from the bed, I croak, “All I need is you.” He looks me in the eye and spits, “I’m not even a full man, Nat. Fuck! I’m barely half of one.” Walking closer to him, I reach out and touch his arm. I say through my stuttering breaths, “I’ll help you. We’ll go through it together, one day at a time.”

Snatching his arm away from me, he yells, “You can’t fix me!” Losing my shit, I yell back, “I don’t want to fix you! I love you!” He lowers his head in defeat. Placing his hands on his hips, he says quietly, “I have nothing to offer you.” Tears stream down my face. I tell him, “Your love is something.” “I don’t know what love is,” he whispers, avoiding my gaze. Silence. We both stand so close to each other, but I feel like I’ve lost him. I’m not losing him without a fight. I wipe my fallen tears and ask quietly, “Where is this coming from, Ash?” He exhales loudly and paces in front of my closet. Not answering my question, he says, “When we’re little, we ask our moms to check under the bed for monsters. My monsters weren’t living under my bed. My monsters…” He points to his temple. “…My monsters were in here. They still are. You wanna be with someone like that? Someone like Cole? Because I’m worse than him. You wouldn’t believe the shit I’ve done. It would make your skin crawl.” Liquid anger singes my veins. I cry and shout, “You’re nothing like him! Don’t say that! You’re not like him!” His face changes to something cruel and dark. He takes the two steps over to me and wraps his hands around my throat, gripping tight. He cuts off my air slowly, slowly til I can’t take in a full breath. And I’m letting him. He snarls through gritted teeth, “You think I’m not like him? I’ve killed before. I’d do it again. You can’t change me. Evil breeds evil. Just like my dad.” I reach up and hold onto his arms, I don’t claw, I don’t fight, just hold onto him. My vision turns fuzzy as pressure builds in my face, my ears block. I choke out on a whisper, “You’re not him,” then gasp, “I know what you’re doing.” His face changes to something more than pained. Devastation. He drops his hands from my throat and I sink to my knees in a heap, gasping and coughing. His voice is cold when he speaks without looking at me, “I’m leaving. Got shit to work out.” A single tear trails down my cheek. Breathing heavily, I clutch my sore throat with shaking hands. Looking up at him, I whisper, “If you leave me now, I don’t know if I’ll ever want you back.” His eyes hold mine for a solid minute. Then he turns and walks out of my room. I start to hyperventilate. I hear the apartment door close, and it feels so final that I do the only thing I can in this situation.

I slump forward, my shaking hands barely supporting me, close my eyes tight and howl my sorrow. *** Someone knocks on Asher’s apartment door. It’s been four days since he left. He hasn’t come home. Not once. I’m worried. He won’t return my calls or even text me that he’s okay. I spent yesterday night in his bed, hoping that if he came home, he wouldn’t have the heart to move me or tell me to get out, but he didn’t come home. The girls are trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, but I can’t stomach telling them. I called Nik last night and begged him to tell me where he was, but he said Ash never told him where he was going. So now Nik knows. He said, “Give him time, sweetheart. He’s got a lot to deal with. The demons in his head are sometimes stronger than he is.” So now someone knocks on his door and my heart pounds. I automatically think the worst. I imagine it’s a couple of officers standing there, bracing themselves to tell Asher’s loved one that he won’t be coming home. Ever. My gut twists and tears blur my vision. I may not have been loved back but he was my loved one. Unable to stand not knowing, I throw open my door and glance down the hall. A tall, older woman stands there. She turns to face me. I get a good look at her face and immediately I know who she is. My face voids of any emotion and I ask, “Can I help you?” She asks politely, “Excuse me. I was just looking for my son. Do you know Asher Collins? I’m Grace.” My heart races in anger and my breathing heavies. Rage twists my gut and I flush. Grace. I want to punch this woman in the throat. No wonder Ash threw his phone at a wall. It was his mother calling. How dare she come here? She’s dressed like any other mom. This could’ve been my mom. Wearing white linen pants and a light yellow blouse, she looks as if she could be Mother of the Year. Her hair’s styled in a short, neat bob. She looks prim and proper. Oh my, how looks can be deceiving. My blood boils and before I can control it, my mouth opens and hate flies out. “Oh no, mommy. You have no right to be here. How dare you come here?” Her face becomes pained. Her eyes… Asher has her eyes. She opens her mouth to speak but I cut her off. I glare at her through narrowed eyes and tell her, “He is not your

son. In order for him to be your son, you would’ve had to protect him at some point in your dismal life. But you didn’t. Did you?” Her face crumbles, and I get a twisted sense of pleasure knowing that I’m hurting her. I spit, “Despite all the ugliness you helped put in his life, he survived. You know you helped put that ugliness there, don’t you?” Tears of rage pour down my face. I croak, “You stood there while your husband burnt holes into him, cut him like a piece of meat, beat him and broke his bones. You did nothing to stop that. You should be ashamed of yourself.” She covers her mouth with her hand, closes her eyes and silently sobs. I need to make her hurt. I want her heart to break. I say quietly, “You can forget about him…because he forgot about you a long time ago. And I am not a hateful person, but I hate you and your husband both the same. If there is any justice in this world, his daddy will be shoveling shit in hell. You aren’t his mother. You are nothing. I am his family.” I stop to take a good look at this woman. This awful, awful woman. I tell her, “Don’t ever come back here, Grace.” Then I turn on my heel and head back into my apartment. Once inside, I rest my back on the door, cover my face in my hands and cry. Sliding down the door, I cry harder. Sobs tear out of my throat and my heart breaks some more. Come home, Ash. *** God, whiskey tastes like ass. Cringing as I take another sip, I really have no idea how he drank this shit almost every day of his adult life. Sitting on my father’s grave, staring into it as if it’ll bring me some answers to the questions I don’t know how to ask, I wonder if he can see me right now. My father is dead because of me. I killed him without a bat of an eyelash. He was a bad man. It was a couple of months after I’d left that hell-hole. I took another route home, one closer to my old house. I guessed you could say I was curious to see how they’d been getting on without me. Secretly, I wanted them to be worse off. I wanted dad to realize that I wasn’t the shit thing in his life. He was. I climbed over the side gate, peeked through the kitchen window and froze at the sight before me.

He was wailing on mom. She looked like I used to. Black and blue. This was obviously not the first time she took a beating since I’d been gone. My anger boiled into a rage and unable to stop myself, I went around the house to the back door and into the kitchen. I took hold of a ten-inch kitchen knife, tore my father off of my barely-conscious mother and reared my arm back before piercing the very center of his gut. I pushed that knife in as deep as I could. It took longer than I expected it to, but I took pleasure watching him gurgle and gasp for breath. I saw the exact moment the light faded from his eyes. Unsure what to do next, I called Ilia. He told me he’d take care of it and to come straight home. My mom tried to hug me but I pushed her away. I told her someone would be there soon to clean up and that she needed to take care of herself. With only a nod, I left my mother with my father’s dead body and never looked back. Ilia came home later than normal that night and came straight up to my room. He took the bag full of bloodied clothes I’d been wearing in one hand and searched my face. Just before he turned to leave, he told me in his heavily accented speech, “Turns out your mom knifed him in self-defense. She’s lucky to be alive, son.” Putting a hand on my shoulder, he said, “You did good, Asher. She needed you and you came to her. You are like the archangel Michael. The protector. I’m glad you’re a part of this family.” Family. I have one of those. Coming to an epiphany, I tell my father’s headstone, “I’m nothing like you.” I have to get home. I have to see my girl. I somehow have to fix what I fucked up. But before I do, there’s one stop I need to make. Chapter Twenty-Five Grace I knock on the front door and hundreds of memories course through my brain at once. It’s been a long time. I used to spend most of my summers here. The front door opens and the short, plump woman asks, “Can I help you, son?” Shorter than I remember, that’s for sure. Wearing thick coke bottle glasses, I can see her pretty green eyes peeking out from somewhere behind them. Her hair is in a neat bun at the

back of her head. Smiling at the sound of her voice, I tell her, “Yeah, aunt Faith, you can help me.” She gasps dramatically and holds onto the door frame for support. She leans closer and whispers, “Asher, baby? Is that you?” “Yeah. It’s me,” I say, chuckling at her dramatics. She blinks. Once, twice, three times. Then she squeals and jumps up and down in excitement, her plump body jiggling with every jump. She yells, “Oh, sweet Jesus! Oh lordy lord! I prayed and prayed and prayed for you, baby.” She jumps into my arms and smiling like an ass, I hug her tight. I missed my aunt. Pulling back a little, she places her hands on my forearms and says, “Let me get a look at you!” She searches my body first, her hands cup my cheeks and she shakes her head and clucks, “Oh, dear me. You turned into a looker, Ashy.” I open my mouth to speak, but Aunt Faith turns on her heel and walks back into the house. She shouts, “Follow me, honey.” So I do. I open my mouth to speak a second time but she cuts me off again with a shout to another room, “Jeffrey, get off your ass! We’ve got company!” Holy shit. Jeffrey’s still alive? Jeffrey putters in saying, “What’s with all the squealin’ woman? I can’t hear what the hell’s going on on Wheel of Fortune.” Aunt Faith puts a hand on her fleshy hip and responds, “What the hell do you need to hear when you watch Wheel of Fortune? It’s all right there on the screen, Jeff!” Uncle Jeff scowls at her and says, “I’m missin’ all the one-liners. Wheel of Fortune ain’t funny if you miss the one-liners. Oh shit, woman. Askin’ you to be quiet is like asking the cat to take a dump on the toilet.” He turns to me with a smirk. “Ain’t gonna happen.” I chuckle and watch as his brow furrows. He stares at me long and hard before a small smile breaks out on his face. He whispers, “I don’t believe it. Is that my little man Asher?” Smiling so hard my cheeks are starting to hurt, I nod. Uncle Jeff comes forward and wraps me up in a bear hug. I don’t do hugging all that much, but if I’d let anyone hug me, I’d let Jeff or Faith. Jeffrey is a large African American man who fell in love with my aunt Faith when they were in college. I’ve never met a more perfect couple in my life. Faith is my mom’s sister and the complete opposite of what my mom is. Mom is tall, Faith is short. Mom is graceful, Faith is not. Mom cares about appearances, Faith…not so much. Mom is quiet and Faith is louder than an air horn. Faith is happy…mom

is not. Mom told Faith she was making a mistake by marrying a ‘colored’ man, Faith told her to stick it. Jeffrey taught me how to throw a football. He taught me how to swing a bat and pitch too. Jeffrey was everything my dad should’ve been and I loved spending summers with them. They never had kids of their own, but they fostered two or three needy kids at a time. They had a lot of love to give and would give it freely to whoever needed it. Faith did a lot of charity work with special needs children and Jeffrey used to coach a baseball team for paraplegic kids. They are, for lack of a better word, exceptional. Jeff finally lets me go and clears his throat. He says quietly, “How you doing, Ash?” Sitting at the table, the same table I sat at as a kid, it all pours out, “If you’d asked me that yesterday, Uncle Jeff, I’d have told you I was doing pretty shitty. But today, I’m better. I’m doing better than I’ve ever been.” Aunt Faith’s face softens. She raises her brows as she smiles, “You got yourself a girl, baby?” My face falls. I tell her, “I don’t know. I hope I do. I fucked up.” Uncle Jeff booms, “Oh hell! Never thought I’d see the day!” He turns to Faith and says, “The boy’s in love, Faithy. Seen that look many, many times before.” He smiles at me and recalls, “I remember this young man told me one day a long time ago that girls were yucky and that he’d never take a wife because he didn’t want to catch cooties.” My head falls back and I burst into laughter. I really did say that. Faith and Jeff laugh with me. Suddenly, I’m sad. My chest hurts. I tell them both, “You guys were the only good thing in my life, and I’m sorry I never came to see you after I left. You- you helped me a lot and I guess- I guess I just wanted to say thank you.” Faith bursts into loud and noisy sobs, and for some reason it makes me want to burst into laughter. Aunt Faith…she’s somethin’ else. Jeff looks over at me and rolls his eyes. I grin at him. He knows how she is. What Faith sputters through tears makes us both sober: “If I’d known- If I’d known, baby. I would’ve taken you away from that place. Never taken you back. You’d have been safe here, Ash. I would’ve protected you with my life.” She says this with such conviction that I don’t doubt her, not even for a second. Her face remains devastated when she asks quietly, “So all the sports injuries you had? They were really-”

Cutting her off, I reply, “Yes, ma’am. Never played sports all that much. Dad was a serious case of fucked up.” Turning to Jeff, I say, “You remember how he liked to drink, right? I can’t really remember a time he was sober.” We sit in thoughtful silence for a while before I decide to get to the point of my being here. I ask, “Do you know where mom is? I don’t want to call her. I don’t actually want to speak to her, but she has something I want.” Jeff and Faith look at each other in a way that makes me narrow my eyes. Jeff says quietly, “Well, you see, son, Grace lives here…with us.” My back straightens and I look around. I see photos of her on the wall and wonder why it never clicked. I ask quietly, “Is she here?” Faith looks confused for a moment before saying, “Honey, I thought that was why you were here. She went to see you today.” My brow furrows. Why the hell would she come to see me? She’d know I wouldn’t want to see her. Just as I open my mouth to ask, the front door opens and from down the hall, a familiar voice yells out teasingly, “It’s just me. Don’t shoot, Jeff!” She walks into the kitchen with a small smile and says, “Why so glum, chum?” Then she spots me. Her body stiffens, her hands fly to her mouth and her bag drops on the ground, its contents spilling everywhere. I take this moment of silence to get a look at her. She looks like my mom used to. Happier with bright eyes. I guess she should be happier with my dad gone. I stand slowly and, knowing it would hurt her, say in a way of greeting, “Grace.” Direct hit. Her eyes close tightly, her face pained. I suddenly wonder why I feel like a piece of shit. Faith clears her throat and says, “C’mon, Jeff. We’ll give you two some time alone.” They both stand. Faith quickly picks up the contents of mom’s bag, placing it on the counter. They both walk out, leaving me and my mother alone for the first time in twenty years. Coming to terms with the fact that her son stands only feet away from her, her face softens and a small smile appears on her face. She looks really pretty. I missed that. She tells me, “I just went to see you, but you weren’t in.” She shakes her head, smiles and rambles, “Well, of course you weren’t in. You’re here! Which is strange as heck. And I

know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m your mom and I’m going to tell you anyways… You grew to be a handsome man, baby.” I can’t stop myself from staring at her. She’s a different woman to the one I knew twenty years ago. To the woman I hated. Who is this woman? She claps her hands together, goes through the fridge and says over her shoulder, “I missed lunch so our options are turkey on rye or…” she looks closer before nodding, “turkey on rye, it is.” I still haven’t said a word, but she goes about making our sandwiches and talking jibber jabber. She chuckles, “So, like I said, went to your place today and you weren’t there.” She turns to look at me and says, “Ashy, it’s not a great neighborhood, baby. Are you sure it’s safe there?” Stunned into silence, I can only nod. I feel like I’m ten again. She puts the cheese on the bread first then the mayo then the turkey and cuts off the crusts, just how I used to ask for it. By the way she moves around the kitchen, she hasn’t even noticed. She utters, “I guess I should ask what brings you here today, but we can talk about that over lunch.” She brings me my sandwich on a plate along with a glass of sweet tea then brings hers over too and sits. She takes a bite of her sandwich and watches me closely. Suddenly feeling awkward, I take a bite of my sandwich and her face erupts into a beautiful smile. Unable to fight myself any longer, I say quietly, “You can’t pretend it never happened, mom.” Her face falls a little but not into sadness, into something serious. She tells me, “Asher, I spent twenty years with that man, fearing for my life and yours. I was a different person back then. Did you know that your father threatened me? He told me if I went to the police that he would kill you.” Her face falls further as she whispers, “And I had no doubt he would, baby.” Clearing her throat, she speaks a little stronger when she says, “I told myself that if I had you beaten but alive, I was winning. I know I wasn’t there for you, Ash. I wish I could go back and do what you had the strength to do. If I could, I would’ve been the one to end it. But after you’d gone, I felt like I was getting only what I deserved, so I didn’t fight him.” I shove half the sandwich in my mouth to stop myself from speaking a little while longer. Fuck this, get to the point. After I swallow, I tell her, “I want Gram’s ring.”

She blinks at me wide-eyed for a moment before standing and walking away. Not a minute later she comes back with the blue velvet ring box. She places it on the table in front of me, opens it and says, “Asher, this was yours from the day you were born, baby. No need to ask for what’s yours. That’s why I’ve been calling. I came to bring this to you today. This and something else. Something I’m sure you won’t want, but I have to give it to you.” I don’t ask her what she wants to give me so she takes this as permission to continue. She says, “When Robert… When he died, I didn’t realize just how much he had his life insurance payment set to. After his death was ruled self-defense, I got that inheritance and put it in a bank account. You were still underage, Asher, so I had them put it under your name. It’s been sitting there for almost twenty years and I don’t want the burden anymore. I can’t touch the money anymore. You’re an adult now, and I can’t access it, so you need to make a decision about what you want to do with it, baby.” I scowl down at the table. I can’t believe this shit. I sneer, “You’re seriously fucking throwing this on me now? Seriously, Ma? I don’t fucking believe this shit.” She swallows visibly before saying a strained, “Think of what this money could do for you. This money was always going to be yours whether you wanted it or not. If you don’t want it, give it away. Think of what a domestic violence charity could do with this money, baby. There are people out there who need help… just like we needed and never got.” I can hate on her for the rest of my life and blame her for what happened, but I know how my father was. If he said he’d kill me, I wouldn’t put it past him. She puts the account details in front of me with shaking hands and I freeze. I stare and stare and stare at the figure before chuckling. My chuckles turn into full-blown laughter and I see mom crack a smile. I look up at her and ask, “This shit for real, Ma?” A seven figure number sits in front of me and all I can do is laugh. I had nothing growing up. You’d think I’d be grateful for this now, but I’m not. I hate this money more than I hate my father. It’s as if I’m being compensated for the years of torture I endured. No money can fix me. I tell my mom, “I’m seven shades of fucked up and this is what I get? I’m a simple guy, Mom. I don’t even own a TV. I live within my means. I don’t need this.” Her eyes gleam and she asks, “What about your pretty redhead? Could she use some of this?” My head snaps up and she smiles sadly. “Met your lady today. She ripped me to shreds. Tore into me. Said I had no right to see you and that I was to never come back there.” Mom stares at me and says finally, “Ever.”

I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face. Nat tearing my mom a new asshole…I’d pay to see that shit. I can only imagine what she said. She chuckles and says quietly, “She really loves you, Ash. I’m so happy that you found someone who’d go head-to-head with anyone to keep you safe and protected. Because she would. She’s a little ball of fire, that one. I like her.” My little ball of fire. She really is. Maybe mom’s right. Maybe this money could help Nat somehow. I might hold onto it a while longer before I make any final decisions. I stand, taking the ring case and placing it in my pocket. I fold up the account information and pocket that, too. Unsure where to go from here, I say, “I gotta get back home. I didn’t leave under the best circumstances.” Mom takes two steps closer to me and takes my hand in hers. She says confidently, “She’ll forgive you, baby. She loves you. Said that she was your family now. So go home to your…” Her eyes widen in question. I answer, “Nat. My Nat.” Smiling, she whispers, “You get home to your Nat and make it better.” She looks up at me uncertainly before wrapping her arms around my waist and squeezing me tight. I’m not sure I want to hug her but put an arm around her shoulders anyways. She says into my chest, “Flowers help.” Smirking, I let go of her. This woman is not the person I remember hating. This woman is the mom I chose to forget. She’s back to the way she always should’ve been and I’m happy for her. My face turns somber, “Nice seeing you, Mom.” Letting go of me, her face turns bleak. “You can come here anytime. Anytime you like. I’d be happy to see you more often. I don’t suppose I’ll be invited to the wedding?” Answering her honestly, I say, “No. You wouldn’t be.” I watch her heart shatter. Her eyes fill with tears as she responds, her voice trembling, “That’s fair enough.” I don’t say goodbye, just turn and walk down the hall toward the front door. I hear my aunt and uncle talk on the porch. As soon as I step outside, I ask Aunt Faith, “Where can I buy some kickass flowers?” *** Holy shit. I am nervous as fuck right now. Standing in front of Nat’s door holding a bunch of flowers that she’s probably going to throw away, five minutes have passed and I still haven’t got the

balls to knock. Be a man. Be the type of man she needs. Be fearless. Before I can stop myself, I knock. Hard. A little too hard. The door swings open and there’s my girl. My pretty girl. She looks tired but when she sees me, her eyes brighten. She lifts her shaking hands to her mouth and whispers, “You’re here. You’re okay.” Relief settles my churning gut. Nodding, I hold out the flowers to her. She spies the extravagant bunch and her face turns angry. Oh fuck. She snatches the flowers out of my hand and hits me with them. Using all the force she can muster, she brings them down on my head over and over again, she says through gritted teeth, “You dipshit. I fucking hate you. Fuck you and your flowers!” And I let her. I fucking deserve it. You are a dipshit. When she’s done she throws the naked stalks to the ground by my feet. I open my eyes to see her whole body shake with rage. Her lip quivers, her eyes cold, she sneers, “Glad you’re okay, fuckwad. Now get away from me,” then she slams the door in my face. Picking bits of flower out of my hair, my shoulders slump and I shake my head. That did not go as well as I’d hoped. Time for Plan B. Chapter Twenty-Six Shenanigans I lay in bed fuming. And it’s all because of the ass next door. I’m so angry that I feel like my head could explode at any second and anger demons will fill my room making little angry demon babies that will sort of be like Gremlins, and I’ll have to follow the same rules. Do not expose the angry demon babies to light.

Do not get the angry demon babies wet. And most importantly, do not feed the angry demon babies after midnight, no matter how much they beg. If my angry demon babies look anything like Gizmo, I’m fucked. There’s no way I’d ever be able to say no to that sweet little face. What the hell are you talking about? Ugh. I have no idea. I’m so tired, but I’m having trouble sleeping knowing that asshat is next door, so I’ve become delirious. I have so many words of abuse I want to yell at him. Is that something I can do? Just go over there and abuse him at random intervals during the night then come back to bed? It’s better than crying, that’s for sure. Can you believe him? Coming over here with flowers after the whole sorry I dumped you and tried to choke you to prove a point then went missing for four days but I’m back now thing. What an ass! I regret ruining the flowers. They actually looked really nice. It was an unusual bunch though. I should’ve taken them and given them to someone who could’ve used a boost of happiness in their day. My heart races in anxiety and tears blur my eyes. He’s okay. You’ve seen him. He’s fine. Yeah, but there was a huge chance that he wasn’t okay. That he could’ve become a statistic. I’m so fucking pissed at him! The truth is I was so scared, and once I saw him and relief settled through me, I realized just how fucking idiotic he’d been. No calls, no messages, nothing. I know I told him I hate him, but I don’t. I’m angry at myself for still loving him. I was always told you can’t help who you love, and now is one of those times I really wish you could. Maybe if I tell myself I hate him enough, it’ll actually happen. Good plan. Rolling my eyes at myself, I concede, muttering, “Yeah, yeah. I know. I suck.” My eyes become heavy and I rest my head on the pillow. My final thought before I doze off is, I hope he’s okay. *** My eyes flutter open and I smile. This is a good dream.

I stretch my body in bed and my hand comes into contact with something above the covers. Eyes widening in shock, I feel around on my bed and come into contact with more cool things. Sitting up, I gasp in stunned disbelief and cover my mouth with both hands. No way. No fucking way. My bed is covered in flowers. When I say covered, I mean covered. Not a single inch of my quilt shows. White tulips and a shitload of lilac-colored irises blanket my bed. The same flowers in the bunch I used to mess up Ash with. Not moving at all, my eyes do a sweep of my bed and a single bark of laughter breaks out of me. Okay. So this is actually a nice way to wake up. Shaking my head in doubt, I flip my covers over, step onto the floor only to come into contact with more flowers. I look down and the entire floor is covered with flowers. Is this for real? Chuckling to myself, I’ll admit it. My interest is piqued. And I’d bet good money that Ash knew my curiosity would get the better of me. Just how many flowers did the ass buy? I step onto my carpet of flowers and follow it down that hall, laughing all the way. When I get to my lounge room and kitchen, I gasp and step back in shock. I lift a shaking hand to my heaving chest and try not to cry. Flowers are everywhere! My house has been turned into a flora wonderland. White, red, orange, pink and yellow tulips cloak the kitchen. Pink, purple and white irises make a home in my lounge room. The floor is covered with every type of flower imaginable. Roses of peach, pink and red. Gerberas of white, orange and yellow. Carnations of blushing pink, yellow and white. Daisies, sunflowers, orchids, hyacinth, baby’s breath, princess lilies, violets and frangipanis. And that’s only the ones I can name. They’re everywhere, and I’m overwhelmed by the sight and smell. Tears blur my vision as I step into the kitchen. A single white tulip sits in a long stemmed vase. There’s a note attached. I pluck it off and read. White tulips symbolize forgiveness. Forgive me, pretty girl. My emotions are chaotic right now. I don’t know what to do. I place the note down and open the pantry to get my box of rice puffs. I take a bowl, a spoon and the milk and set it all down on the counter. I open the box of cereal and begin to pour…and I burst into laughter. White tulips fill my bowl.

Clever, ass. Very clever. Who knew Ash was good at shenanigans? I’m not blind. I see the effort he went to. He must’ve been here all night, quiet as a mouse to do this. I smile at the thought of him running around in socks, arranging flowers. He must be exhausted. Fuck him. The memory of the heartbreak he caused me comes flooding back. Yeah. Fuck him. I tip out my bowl of tulips onto the counter to join their flower friends and move to the sofa. A single stem of lilac iris sits in an identical vase to the one the white tulip was in. There’s a note attached to this one too. I pull it off and read. Lilac Irises symbolize first love. Still love me, baby? I do. I really do. But I’m fucking pissed as hell too. The shithead. He deserves the silent treatment for at least a month. Maybe two. Depending on how generous I feel. I drop the note on the table and rest my head back on the sofa when I hear a knock at the front door. My stomach twists. What if it’s him? Creeping over to the door, I stand to the side of it hiding out like the coward I am and ask, “Who is it?” A deep male voice says, “Delivery, ma’am.” Skeptical, my eyes narrow and I enquire, “From where?” The man immediately returns, “I don’t know, ma’am. I’m just a courier. You want it, or you want me to have it returned to sender?” My parents should’ve called me Cat because I’m seriously itching to know who this parcel is from. Curiosity is a shitty thing sometimes. I crack the door open an inch and peek at the older gentleman. I look down to the brown paper wrapped package in his hand and nod towards the electronic signing device. He hands it through the small crack and I sign. We exchange items and I shut the door. The item is the size of a notebook and no fatter than one. I’m so nervous about what it could be, I leave it and decide to get ready for work. After showering, I apply some light make up. I dress in white high-waisted linen pants, a long sleeved white shirt which I unbutton to reveal a good amount of my decent bosom, and a thick black belt which comes just under my boobs. Not knowing what to do with my hair, I tie it in a high ponytail.

When someone knocks at the front door a second time, I’m so immersed in getting ready for work that I don’t even check who it is before I fling it open. And there he is. Looking hotter than hell in a pair of black slacks, a white fitted shirt which he’s rolled up the elbows, making his arms look sinfully delicious, his regular belt complete with gleaming silver belt buckle and polished black dress shoes. I’m stunned into silence. I’ve never seen Asher dressed like this before, and my panties are suddenly damp. He looks classy as fuck. Shifting from foot to foot, he looks nervous as hell. Not wanting him to know I feel very much the same way, I do what I do best. Be a bitch. I say, “Something I can help you with, Ghost?” Not answering my question, he asks, “Did you like the flowers, girl?” Rolling my eyes to stop myself from crying, I turn my back on him and answer with a sweep of my hand across my flower themed apartment, “Who wouldn’t?” He walks into my place and states, “You got the notes.” I reply with a simple nod of my head. He nods solemnly and says, “I have to tell you a story.” Not this again. Shaking my head, I state loudly, “No. I don’t want another story. I just want to move on.” He walks closer to me and utters, “You don’t like this story, babe, I’ll leave you alone and never bother you again.” Even though my heart breaks with that statement, I really want to hear what he has to say. And I desperately hope I like it. I dip my head in a single nod for him to continue. He moves over to the kitchen counter and starts, “One day I met this girl.” Playing with the flowers on the counter, he looks up at me and says, “You know the first part of this story so I’m going to skip ahead, past the bullshit and get to what you need to hear, okay?” Suddenly feeling vulnerable, I hold myself, rubbing my hands up and down my arms. I nod once again and he goes on, “So this girl was my obsession. I don’t know how she did it but she was on my mind all the time. So after we agreed that we’d be bed buddies, I thought I had it all. The freedom and the girl all at once. Sometime after we started fucking, I realized that even though I felt I had it all, I was missing something. Some deep feelings started to come through and I panicked. I panicked so hard that I did something stupid and I put my hands on this girl, hoping to scare her away from me. But it didn’t work.” Reaching for the white tulip in the vase, he takes hold of it, brings it to me and places it in my hand. He uses his other hand to wrap my fingers around it and goes on, “So I go away

for a while to find myself. And it was a fucking shitty thing to do, but for the first time in my life I was confused about what I was feeling for a woman. I tried to sabotage our relationship, but fuck me, she’s stronger than I thought. She wouldn’t run from me even when I was being a monster.” Ash walks into the lounge room to pick up the single lilac Iris stem. He walks back over to me, hands me the lilac iris and chuckles, “You know, I think I’ve known for some time now that I love that girl.” I gasp but he ignores me. “I just never felt something like that before, and it scared the shit out of me. See, pretty girl, I’d do anything for that woman. Anything at all. If she asked me to buy her diamonds, I would. If she asked me to be a better man, I’d try with everything I am. If she asked me to stop seeing all that’s negative in my life, I’d remember that she’s my positive.” He speaks as he walks over to me. “I always thought it was me. That I was the problem when it came to me meeting women but it wasn’t. It was them.” Taking both flowers out of my hand, he says quietly, “See, babe, they weren’t you.” My lip quivers and I close my eyes to stop the tears from falling. He whispers, “Wait here. Got something else for you.” I hear him walk away from me, down the hall and into my room. He walks back to me and places something in my hands. I open my wet eyes and stare down at the large, beautiful Casablanca lily that sits in my palms. He says, “This one means celebration.” I whisper hoarsely, “What are we celebrating?” My heart skips a beat and I almost faint in shock when he falls to one knee before me. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a blue velvet ring box. I cover my mouth and burst into tears. He opens the box and the most beautiful antique white gold, diamond and emerald ring sits there. With a grin, he announces, “We’re getting married, baby.” *** Eight hours later… “Do you take this sassy lady,” Elvis reads the piece of paper in his hand before continuing, “Natalie Kovac, to be your lawful wedded wife, my man?” Ash chuckles at him before looking me in the eye and smiling his new happy smile, “Hell yes.” Elvis turns to me and asks, “Do you, sassy lady, take this hip cat,” He checks the paper again before continuing, “Asher Collins, to be your main man and husband?” Smiling like the fool I am, holding my fifteen dollar bunch of plastic flowers, I bounce on the spot and almost shriek, “Yeah!” Elvis smirks and mutters, “Well, alright. By the power vested in me by the state of Nevada, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss your-”

But I don’t wait for him to finish, I run and jump into Asher’s waiting arms and kiss him hard, moaning all the while. I’m on such a high which is almost unbelievable because this morning I was at my lowest. Today is the best day of my life. Ash holds me under my ass with one arm, holds the back of my head with the other, tangling his fingers into my hair and I wrap my legs around him. Our kiss is deep and carnal and sexy as all get out. I love smooching my husband! Oh my God…my husband. I can’t believe we just got married. This is awesome! Ash pecks my lips before muttering against them, “I love you, pretty girl.” Smiling against him, I whisper, “Oh God, I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of hearing that. I love you too, Ash.” Elvis interrupts us with, “Hey now, save that for the hotel.” Ash never takes his lips from mine when he tips him big and the celebrant says in full Elvis impersonation, “Thank you very much.” He carries me out of the Love N Wed chapel and out to our rental car. He sits me on the hood and steps between my spread legs. Smiling down at me, he says, “I promise, one day I’ll give you a big wedding with all the sparkly shit that women like, I swear it, but right now, I’m about as happy as a kid in a candy store.” I reach down to take his hands in mine and ask, “Do you think we made the right choice? Doing this, here of all places?” Ash nods without hesitation. “Yep. I do. I don’t need anyone approving of what I feel for you, babe. I just need you and I hope all you need is me, too.” Suddenly sad, I whisper, “I probably can’t have kids, Ash.” He smiles a small smile and says, “You want kids, baby?” Looking up at him, I nod. He lowers his face to mine, kisses my lips gently and says, “Then we’ll have kids. We’ll make it happen somehow. I promise.” After a second, he frowns and says, “Don’t know what kind of father I’ll be though.” Holding his face in my hands, I say with total faith and conviction, “If you stopped to think about what kind of father you’re going to be, then you’re going to be a great father.” I whisper, “You are nothing like him.” Swallowing hard, he nods and whispers back, “I’m nothin’ like him.” He cups my cheek and runs his thumb over my jaw line. He says, “I’ll do everything I can to be the man you deserve. I know we did those vows in there, but I should tell you that there’s nothing I won’t do to make you happy. Just say the word and I’ll do it, girl. I’ll take care of you and I’ll love you forever.”

Reaching up, I pull him down for another slow kiss. I try to show him through this kiss that I feel the very same, but I back it up with words anyway. “I could never love someone as much as I love you. I’ll be everything you need in a wife. I promise. I’ll yell at you when you drink milk out of the carton. I’ll smack you across the back of the head when I see you checking out other women. I’ll kiss you when you need some love. I’ll even kick your ass when it needs kicking.” Smirking, I say, “See? Perfect wife.” Chuckling, he says, “Perfect or not, you’re the one I want. And now that I’ve got you… you mentioned lovin’ somewhere in ther-” Cutting him off with another kiss, I tell him, “You get me back to the room in fifteen minutes or less and…” I move my head so we’re cheek to cheek, nip his earlobe and whisper, “…I’ll beg to suck your cock, baby.” Looking down at me through hooded eyes, he says, “Get in the fucking car, girl. And buckle up.” Not ten seconds pass and he’s already in the driver’s seat. I get up off the hood and walk over to the passenger side chuckling. I shake my head and still smiling, mutter, “Such a man.” My man. My heart. My husband. Chapter Twenty-Seven Best weekend ever “Oh my God! Yes!” I wrap one arm under her lower back and the other under her ass, lifting her slightly and elevating her to that perfect position we both need to get off. Nat moans deep in her throat, almost a growl. I watch her body move with every thrust. I give it hard and she takes it. Like a fucking pro. I pant, “I don’t think wives are meant to screw like this, girl.” Without looking up, she moans, “Shut up and fuck me!”

Fisting the sheets, her back arches when I pull her deeper into my thrusts and her eyes flutter. I can’t take my eyes off her perfect body. Her perfect curves. Her perfect tits. With her back arched, I can reach them. I hold her lower back firmly, my feet planted firmly on the floor at the foot of the bed with her ass just off the edge of the mattress. Nothing beats sex with someone you love. Making love. That’s it. We’re making love. Panting and grinning, I lower my parted mouth to her nipple and lick it once before I suck it hard. She moans and grips the back of my head. She clenches on my cock and I bite her nipple. Her nails dig into my head and I groan, gently chewing on her nipple. Her pussy clenches around me again. Her nipples are sensitive. Harder than a fucking rock, I pound into her, rolling my hips, trying to get that perfect angle that hits her spot. As soon as she gasps, I know I’m there. I demand, “Look at me.” Her eyes open and she looks up at me with this face, this desperate expression, and I can’t help it. I pinch her nipple and tell her, “Say it.” Her pussy tightens around me, her eyes flutter and she whispers, “I love you, baby.” And I’m gone. I drive into her, groaning long and hard through gritted teeth. Her pussy contracts around me and I still, jerking my come into her sweet warmth. Nothing better than this. Collapsing onto her chest, I pant on her breast, “Holy shit. That was something else.” I feel her silent laughter and she pants back, “Well, babe, that was make up sex and honeymoon sex, so I think it was meant to be that hot.” Looking up at her, I ask seriously, “Can we do it again?” She dissolves into fits of laughter and I chuckle with her. I love my wife. Lifting her up, I pull back the covers and place her in the center of the hotel’s king size bed. I lie next to her on my side, and she shifts to her side so we’re close and facing each other. Leaning forward, I take her lips in a slow and sexy kiss. Her hands come up to hold my face and I tell her, “Love you.” She smiles, a joyous smile that I rarely see her wear. I think she saves this smile for special occasions. Her white teeth gleam and her eyes sparkle. I love this smile. You don’t need words when you’ve got a smile like that. She says through her smile, “Well, that’s a relief, being that you’re my husband and all.” Husband. Fuck me. Putting a hand on her bare hip, I use my thumb to draw lazy circles on it. Avoiding her gaze, I utter, “Didn’t know it was possible for someone to feel like this.”

Her hand rests on my scarred chest and she asks quietly, “Like what?” I breathe deep and reply on my exhale, “Happy. Just…happy.” Her eyes tear up and my brow furrows in confusion. I mutter, “The fuck I do now?” Nat responds through a shuddering breath, “You’re just being you, Ash.” Then she runs her fingertips over my brow and says, “Stop that. You’ll get wrinkles.” Chuckling at her bad joke, I pull her to me and burrow my face into the crook of her neck. I’m a married man. I smile into her and I hear her amused, “What are you smiling at, dork?” Kissing her throat, I mutter against it, “I’m gonna get so much shit from the guys when we get home.” Angling her head, allowing me more access, she sighs, “Me too. From the girls, I mean. Tina’s going to kill me. What did you tell Nik?” Wrapping my arms around her waist, I reply, “I told him we both needed a few days off. He didn’t ask so I didn’t tell him. He said he’d tell Tina and that as long as everything was okay, he was cool with it.” Nat chuckles, “You know we only get one day here, right?” What? Shaking my head, I say, “No, girl. We got two nights here.” Pulling away from me, she looks a little uncomfortable as she utters, “No. We don’t. There’s one stop we need to make before we go home.” The look on her face makes me think wherever it is we’re going I’m not going to like it. But she’s my wife and if she says we need to go, then I guess we’re going. Narrowing my eyes at her, I ask suspiciously, “Okay, baby. Where exactly are we going?” Her eyes gleam and she whispers with a small smile, “You know I love you, right?” Oh shit. I’m so fucked. *** Using my key, I open the front door to my childhood home and call out, “Mama? Tata? Is anyone home?” Approximately ten seconds pass and when no one answers Ash whispers, “Oh well. We tried. C’mon, let’s go.” He takes my hand and tries to pull me back out the door. Laughing at his ridiculousness, I mutter, “I can’t believe you’re nervous. They’re just my parents.” Ash’s brows lift. He shakes his head. “No. They’re not just your parents, babe. They’re your protectors. They aren’t gonna want you with someone like me. I know it.” He’s not wrong.

It’s not that they’ll have anything against Asher. It’s just that they’ll wonder why we eloped. Doing something like that, in our family, means something’s wrong. Terribly wrong. I scoff, “You don’t know that. C’mon, I think they’re in the yard.” We walk through my house when he spots a picture of me and my sisters when I was about eleven. I’m wearing a hat. He chuckles. “Let me guess. Nina and the Mohawk?” Laughing, I tell him, “Oh yeah. That wasn’t the first time either. You should see our family photos, especially the ones where dad has no sideburns.” His body shakes behind me in silent laughter, and when I reach the back sliding door, my stomach dips. I won’t let Ash see how nervous I am though. Pasting on a huge smile, I open the door and step out onto the back porch where my mom, dad, Nina and Helena sit at the outdoor setting. Helena spots us first and stands so fast, her chair tumbles backwards. She squeals and runs over to us, jumping up on me. I throw my arms around her and laugh, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. You’d think I haven’t seen you for years!” Helena lets go of me and to my surprise, she jumps up on Ash. And he lets her, hugging her and smiling too. Maybe this isn’t going to be as bad as I thought. Nina stands and comes over to me. She bear hugs me and says, “It’s so good to see you, honey.” She cups Ash’s cheek and kisses the other. I watch my sisters flank my husband. Helena wraps an arm around his waist from one side and Nina wraps an arm around his waist from the other side. I smile. They’re forming a protective barrier around him. They know something’s up. Ash stands there looking dumbfounded for a sec before he wraps both his arms around my sisters’ shoulders. My nose tingles and my eyes blur. Nawww. Stupid feels! Clearing my throat, I turn to my parents who are both standing now. Mom wears a small smile. Dad…well, he doesn’t look so happy. Mom comes forwards and wraps me up tight. I whisper, “Hi, Mama.” She rocks me from side to side and whispers into my ear, “He’s very good looking, beba.” I chuckle and she lets go of me. My dad comes forwards and gruff as ever, hugs me so hard that he almost cuts of my air flow. I gasp. “Tata, not so tight!” He lets go of me and moves to stand in front of Asher. He says, “The man from Tina’s wedding, no?”

Ash nods and says, “Yes, sir. I am. Nik’s friend, Asher.” Then Ash holds out his hand for dad to take and my stomach knots. Please, Tata. Oh please, just take it. Dad looks at Ash for a good ten seconds before he takes his hand and pumps it twice before letting go. He turns his back and says to Asher, “You come.” Then he walks inside. Ash looks at me as if I should confirm whether he’s walking into his imminent death. Choking down my laughter, I tell him, “Go with him. He probably just wants to show you something manly.” Ash swallows hard, straightens to full height, nods into the distance and walks inside, following my father. Shaking my head, I chuckle. Fare thee well, brave soldier. *** Oh shit. The man has a basement. What do people need basements for these days? For dismembering bodies of their daughters’ husbands, that’s why. I am so fucked. Walking down the steps, I think of my beautiful wife’s face and remember that whatever this is right now, she’s worth it. When I make it to the last step, I look around and my mouth gapes. This is the coolest fucking room I’ve ever been in. There’s a pool table, a dart board, a poker table, a huge flat screen TV, a very comfortable looking sofa, a library along the back wall and a bar in the far corner. Walking with wide eyes, something hits the side of my head and I reach up to steady the…hanging pork leg? What the fuck? Nat’s dad sees me holding the leg with what is probably my what the fuck face and he says a heavily accented, “Is prosciutto. Very nice. Salty ham. We do every year. Is traditions.” He motions to the bar, and satisfied that he’s not going to kill me…yet, I move over to him. My eyes widen once more when he pulls out two shot glasses and an old bottle of something clear. He pours them both and says, “My Natalie. She smart. If she bring a boy home, I know she love him.” I pipe down the urge to puff up my chest and bang on it like Tarzan while doing a jungle call. He goes on, “So, I must ask. Nina tell me about the other boy, the one who hits her. She say a good man help Nat. Is this man you?” My gut knots. I had no idea her sisters would tell her parents.

Nodding, I tell him, “Yes, sir. I helped her.” Nodding with me, he allows a moment’s silence before he asks slowly, “You make him pay?” Looking him direct in the eyes, I say with sincerity, “In a way he’ll never forget, sir. Ever.” He nods once more and I know he gets me. Playing with his glass, he asks quietly, “Are you worthy?” Puffing out a big breath, I tell him, “I- uh- I really don’t know. I hope so because I love her. So much that I’d do anything for her. I’ll protect her til the day I die, if she’ll have me. She makes me a better person.” Seeming satisfied with my answer, he raises his glass and motions mine. I fumble for it so quick that I almost knock it over. Lifting it high with his, he says, “živeli!” and it sort of sounds like zhiv-yell-ee. Not knowing what it means and seriously not giving a fuck, I clink my glass to his and say “živeli!” He smiles for the first time and downs his shot like it’s water. I sniff it. It’s strong as horse piss. Not wasting another moment thinking on it, I shoot it. And it burns my mouth and throat simultaneously. Horse piss? More like paint remover! Being the man I am and wanting to impress him, I coax down the cough that threatens til my face turns blue. He belly laughs when he sees my face, “Cough or you die!” Taking his advice, I nod once then cough. And cough. And cough so hard I almost gag. And cough a little more. Once I get myself under control, I look up at him and wheeze, “That was strong shit.” He smiles so hard he looks almost proud and says, “Homemade. Remedy for any-ting. Cough, burn, cuts…any-ting.” Putting his arm around my shoulder, he walks me over to the steps and says, “You call me Boris.” I think I just won over Nat’s dad. *** When Ash and dad emerge from the basement, I exhale the breath I hadn’t known I was holding. Dad wraps his arm around Ash, smiling and says to us girls, “I give him a small drink.” The rakija. It always comes down to the rakija. Rakija is a homemade alcohol that most Croat families make. It’s pronounced rah-key-yah but you have to roll the R. For any Croatian family, sharing rakija at your table is a sign of

friendship which makes me glad. My dad sharing his best reserve with Ash means he’s accepted the fact that I’ve brought a guy home. Now you just have to tell them you got married. Thanks for reminding me, brain. Now that everyone is in the room, I stand, clear my throat and move to stand next to Ash. I tell them all, “Sorry, guys. I wish we could stay but we’re heading back home tonight.” Dad’s brow furrows and he says, “Why? You stay tonight and go tomorrow.” Mom nods, “Yes. Stay tonight. We have plenty of room here.” Shaking my head, I say, “We weren’t even meant to be gone this long. We both have to get back to work, but we’re here because we’ve got something to tell you.” I look up at Ash and take his hand. He smiles down at me and I suddenly feel lighter. Looking back at my family, I announce, “Asher and I got married yesterday.” A huge smile crosses my face and I watch as everyone falls into a stunned silence. A minute passes and no one moves or says a thing. I squeeze Ash’s hand in a way, mentally yelling Help when finally my mother comes forward to stand in front of Ash. She says quietly with a small smile, “I’m Ana. Welcome to the family, Asher.” Then she steps forward and pulls him down into a gentle hug. My throat clogs. When Mama steps back from him, Ash says quietly, “Thank you, Ana.” Nina and Helena both stare at me for a good minute before Nina squeaks and Helena shrieks, and they both jump on me and Asher, laughing and whooping. Nina wails playfully, “I’m an old maid!” Helena wails teasingly, “She’s an old maid!” And Nina smacks her on the back of the head. We all laugh together and when they release us, my stomach churns. Tata. Oh shit. Meeting my dad stare for stare, I tell him confidently, “I love him.” A small smile graces my father’s face and he utters, “I know. He love you too.” He looks at my hand in Asher’s and asks, “You want this?” My eyes begin to sting. Nodding, I choke out through quivering lips, “He’s all I’ll ever need.” Ash puts his arms around me and kisses my head. Dad nods and concedes, “Okay. Is good. I am happy man if my daughter is happy.” Barking out a choked laugh, I raise both my arms, fisting my hands and yell out, “Best weekend ever!” ***

Unlocking the door to my apartment, I gasp when I step inside. You forgot about the flowers, huh? Oh, I totally did. Ash wraps his arms around my waist and chuckles, “Oh shit. I forgot about those. Don’t worry. I’ll call someone to clean it all up. Let’s go back to my place.” He lowers his face to my neck, kissing me. “All we need is a bed anyways.” Reaching into my purse, I take out my phone and start to take photos of my house. He asks in confusion, “What are you doing, girl?” Not stopping my photo taking, I mutter, “No one’s gonna believe this unless I take photos.” Ash walks over to the counter and picks up the parcel I’d forgotten about. “She didn’t even open it,” he mutters to himself. Walking up behind him, I explain, “I didn’t have time to open it, what with the flowers and me getting ready for work, and you proposing and swooping me off to Vegas, babe.” Turning, he smiles, “Open it.” Stepping back from him, I ask suspiciously, “What is it?” Smiling, he says, “One of the reasons I thought you said yes to marrying me…” He eyes the package. “…but here this is. Unopened.” He cups my cheek and runs his thumb over it gently. He says softly, “You really love me, don’t you, pretty girl?” Holding a hand over his on my cheek, I whisper, “More than life.” He smiles a moment before handing me the parcel. With narrowed eyes, I unwrap it and take out the thin black folder. I open it up and read. Dear Natalie Kovac, Thank you so much for your anonymous donation to Stop! (Women Against Domestic Violence) in the amount of $250,000. We are thrilled by your generosity, and I must admit I even shed a few tears when I saw the amount. I’m not sure whether you yourself have been a victim of domestic violence, but I must tell you, it can be crippling. I have seen women come through our doors, women who are only a shell of who they used to be. Your money will be invested in many areas. Most of it will go to new housing, self-defense classes, the hiring of therapists and toward the running of our twenty-four-hour safe house. You will never know just how much your donation means to us here at Stop! I know the donation was anonymous and perhaps I’ve overstepped boundaries by writing. If I have, please forgive me.

You are an exceptional person and we are in your debt. Kindest regards, Barbara Helsen Founder of Stop! and domestic abuse survivor My vision blurs and I dip my head to stop him from seeing how much this is affecting me. Ash wraps his arms around me and moves me toward the front door. “C’mon, girl. Let’s get some sleep. It’s been a long week,” he says quietly. My husband, as always, is right. I nod and sniffle. Breathing deeply, I straighten and march on. God, it’s good to be home. Chapter Twenty-Eight Just married For the first time in the history of mankind, Ash and I travel to work together this morning. And it is weird. He makes us take his car because it’s ‘his baby’ and I don’t even mind. He narrows his eyes at me like he’s expecting an argument, but I figure we’ll have plenty of years ahead for me to get my way. If he wants this one little unimportant thing, I’m cool with that. Last night, we spoke about just how we’re going to break it to everyone, and Ash said the best way to do that was to call a family meeting at Nik and Tina’s which I agreed on too. Oh my God, what’s happening to you? I have no idea. He takes the fight right out of me. Now that we’re married, I’m looking at us as a united front. Unless we stand together and agree to disagree, we’re going to have problems. My dad always told me to pick my battles and that’s what I’m doing.

Ash texted Nik last night, calling a meeting for tonight with everyone there, so for one more day, we have to act like we don’t like each other. Well, we don’t have to, but for the sake of keeping up appearances and surprising the hell out of everyone, that’s what we did. Nik sent Ash to Safira’s today to bring Tina some lunch, and while he was there my stomach was going crazy. I had to turn away from my husband and lean into the counter for support. Nerves are the worst. When Tina walked into the store room to get something for Ash to take back to Nik, he pressed up against my back and whispered, “No one does curves like you do, baby. And I am not a compliment giving type of guy but, fuck me, you rock that shit.” And I almost passed out from the sexual tension fogging the air. Luckily, the store was deserted. Gripping the counter, I hissed, “Get away from me, ass!” He nipped my earlobe and drawled quietly, “Softest curves ever, baby. It’s lunch time…” His hand slid from my waist, across my thigh until his palm rested softly against my mound. He whispered, “…and I’m hungry.” My legs turned to jelly and I flushed crimson. My man is hot. No, he’s a blazing inferno. I whispered, “Do we have time for a quickie after work?” His breath warmed my neck as he chuckled, “We’ll make time, pretty girl.” Hearing the door to the store room open, I bumped him back using my booty and said loudly, “God, you’re an ass!” Tina came toward us wearing a sad pout, saying, “Guys, stop that. Can’t we all just get along?” Fake glaring at him, I teased softly, “Yeah, Ghost, do you think we’ll ever get along?” Looking at me through hooded eyes that searched my body, he said cryptically, “Only time will tell, girl.” Then he turned and left. And I was finally able to breathe again. Tina went behind the counter to shuffle some papers around and without looking at me, uttered, “Now, I know you’re going to tell me I’m crazy or some crud like that, but I really think Ghost likes you, Nat.” It took everything I had in me to stop my hysterical laughter from escaping. Biting my lip, I muttered, “I don’t know, T. But he is hot as hell.” Hours pass and Ash and I just had some super happy fun time in The White Rabbit’s parking lot and he mussed me up good. There’s not much room in the car but we managed. Turns out I know yoga.

Or something like that, because I’ve never been bendy before, but put me in a car with my husband and I’ll go to extreme lengths to please him. Now we’re on our way to Nik and Tina’s house. Knowing everyone will be there is freaking me out. I don’t want anyone to think we’ve been dishonest or deceiving…even though we have. The closer we get to the house, the more my stomach aches and my hands shake. Suddenly petrified, I blurt out, “I’m scared!” Ash nods his head without turning to face me. “Well…Stop it.” My glare is so strong that at any moment I’m expecting a laser beam to pop out of my eyes and burn him. I yell in disbelief, “You can’t just order me to stop being scared, shithead!” He smirks. “There. Now you’re angry.” Turning to face me, he bites the tip of his tongue cheekily a moment before saying, “Not scared anymore. I win.” And I want to smack him. Groaning, I run my hands down my face and pretend to sob. Asher chuckles and rubs my shoulder, then he pats the very top of my head with a stiff palm and says robotically, “There, there. There, there.” I fling his hand off me and he bursts into laughter. I know what he’s doing. He likes it when I get angry. He says it makes me horny. We’ll see about that. Stupid Ash. I thought I knew who Asher Collins was, but in the past few days, I’ve learnt more about him and I have to say, I love this Asher even more than the last. The old Asher was a mean and somewhat scary man, stuck in an age of nightmares. My Asher…he’s sweet, funny, goofy and hotter than hell. But most importantly, he’s free. Free from his past and looking toward the future. Our future. I’d like to take credit but I can’t. Maybe I helped, but he did most of it on his own. And I’m proud of him. My thoughts bubble out of my mouth. I tell him, “I’m so proud of you, Ash. I couldn’t be prouder to show everyone that you’re my husband.” Watching him drive, his brow furrows. He doesn’t respond, just takes my hand in his and links our fingers. He doesn’t need to say a thing. I get him. I love him. When we pull up to Nik and Tina’s, we somehow get the parking spot right out front. Making a funny, I whoop then say, “Oh my God! You just won at life, baby!” Brow still furrowed, he utters, “Never really been a winner before.” That makes me sad. Unsure if anyone is watching us, I keep my eyes forward and say confidently, “All that’s changing, babe. You’ll see.” Sliding my hand over to his thigh, I whisper on a squeeze, “I love

you. You’re a winner to me. You always will be. So suck it up. Let’s get in there and show everyone how happy we are.” His hand covers mine and he squeezes it, saying confidently, “Let’s do it, babe.” We exit the car barely looking at each other. I approach the front door and enter without knocking, I yell out, “Hey, hey!” Ceecee spots me down the hall. Wearing a brilliant crooked smile, she wheels herself over to me really damn fast. I chuckle at her enthusiasm and lower myself to my knees to hug the crap out of her. Brushing her auburn hair out of her face, I say, “My God, sweetie. Every time I see you, you’re more and more beautiful.” And I’m being honest too. She’s so pretty. Max is going to have a hard time when she’s older. He’ll have to beat ‘em off with a stick. Scowling at her playfully, I utter, “Stop stealing all the beauty! We old people need it too!” Covering her mouth with her palm, she giggles. “You’re so silly, Nat.” Standing back up, I moan tiredly, “I know. I know.” I follow her into the open lounge slash dining room slash kitchen and see everyone sitting out on the porch. I tell Ceecee, “You mind telling everyone we’re here, honey?” With another sweet smile, she speeds off towards the backyard. I feel Asher press in behind me and mutter, “Ready?” Without looking back at him, I nod and walk toward the sliding door. I take a deep breath to steady myself and slide the door open. Everyone looks over at us. I walk out and say, “Hey guys.” A smiling Max stands first and wraps me up in a flirtatious and very touchy hug. Knowing Ash is probably scowling behind me, I chuckle in embarrassment. When Max’s hand reaches my ass and squeezes, my laughter can no longer be contained. It bursts out of me and I wrap my arms around Max’s neck tightly, knowing this hug will be the last of its kind. Pulling back from Max a little, I peck a kiss to his mouth and tell him, “You know I love you, right?” Max gifts me a stunning smile. His amber eyes sparkle and he says, “Uh, hell yeah I do. I love you too, boo.” Letting go of him, I move around the table, hugging and kissing everyone in greeting, even though I just saw Tina not an hour ago, but I love them all so much right now that I need contact with them all. When I reach Nik, his eyes narrow at me suspiciously. Suddenly panicked, I lean down and kiss him full on the mouth. I pull back from him and say a little too loudly, “I love you too, Nik.” Nik smiles so hard it looks like his dimple might slit his cheek open. What the fuck are you doing? I have no idea, brain. Just roll with it.

Realizing I missed out on Trick, I walk over to him and his eyes widen. I grab his cheeks, pull him forward and smack a kiss on his mouth too. I announce a little dramatically, “I love you all. A lot.” I turn to Ash and we have a silent conversation. His eyes narrow. What the fuck are you doing? My eyes widen and I play with my wedding ring. Oh god, I’m so bad at this shit. He slightly nods to his side. Get over here, girl. Sitting in the vacant seat by Nik, I shake my head discreetly. You are on your own, buddy. Ash dips his chin and places both hands on his hips. I know he’s this close from going all caveman on me, but he somehow pulls it together. He looks around the table and says, “I bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today.” Lola looks up at Ash and chuckles, “That was a kickass line, Ghost.” Mimi laughs and looks to Lola, “I know! It was all mega cool villain-like.” Tina giggles and whispers, “Sorry, Ghost, but it totally was.” They all look around that table smiling like a bunch of fools and I’m so nervous that I blurt out, “Please, go on, Dr. Evil.” The whole table erupts into laughter. I look up and even Ash is losing his fight to be sincere. We all laugh til we cry and I’m so glad tonight is going this way. I prefer laughter than tears any night of the week. When it’s clear we aren’t going to get over our giggles, Ash announces loudly, “I got married two days ago.” And the conversation all comes to a screeching halt. No one says a word for a good minute. I’m pretty sure I hear crickets chirping in the background too. Ash explains, “The girl I was telling you all about, the one I was dating, I realized I love her too and didn’t want to be without her, so I proposed and we got married the same day.” I look around the table to find almost everyone’s gaping at Ash. Only Mimi and Nik look at me and gape. Tina exclaims, “Ghost, honey! That’s great! Who is she?” Ash shifts from foot to foot, and I smile at his sudden nervousness. He clears his throat and confesses, “Well, she’s here…right now.” Lola looks a little glum when she says quietly, “Okay. Bring her in so we can meet the lucky lady.” Trick booms, “Holy shit!” He looks around the table in shock and shouts again, “Holy shit!” Ash looks over to me, his expression pleading. I breathe deep and stand up, moving to my husband. When I reach his side, I say quietly, “Hey guys.” Tina, Lola, Trick and Max all look at me wearing blank expressions. They don’t get it.

Mimi and Nik smile big. They get it. Unsure of where to go from here, I take hold of Ash’s hand, linking our fingers. I look up to my husband with a tender smile which he returns, and standing on my tiptoes, I gently kiss his mouth. He wraps his arms around me and I run my hands up his back. Through our kiss, I hear Tina and Lola gasp in obvious shock. Max says slowly, “No. Freakin’. Way.” Trick yells out once again, “Holy shit!” When we pull back from each other, I look into Asher’s eyes and peck his mouth once, twice, three times and whisper, “I love you.” He pulls me close, kisses my forehead and whispers against it, “Best thing that ever happened to me.” I look over at the table to look at my friends. Lola looks as if I just told her that ice cream actually has crack in it. Tina weeps softly wearing a watery smile. Max smirks at me. I wink at him. He winks back at me. Mimi kisses her fingertips and places them on her heart and I want to cry from the overwhelming support I feel. Trick, who’s obviously having trouble getting over this, says quietly, “Holy shit.” Nik stands and walks over to us. He kisses my cheek before taking Ash in a full-blown man hug. A long one. They both seem to be a little emotional. Nik whispers something to Ash and Ash nods before he slaps Nik’s back a few times and they part. Nik moves to stand between us and says, “It’s my honor to present the new Mr. and Mrs. Asher Collins.” Everyone stands up, whooping and cheering. And that’s about the time I burst into tears. I’m suddenly being group hugged and Tina wails, “I’m so happy for you, you crazy lady!” I wail right back, “I’m so happy I could shit rainbows!” Lola cheers. “I’m so fucking happy right now!” Mimi kisses my head and rocks me slightly. She says in a sing-song voice, “I knew all along!” Laughing and carrying on with my friends, I look towards my husband who is being interrogated by his friends. He winks at me. I mouth, “Love you.” Warmth settles in my belly and I breathe deeply. All is right in my world. *** We get home from a long night of celebration and I drag my ass through the door of Ash’s apartment. He’d called someone to clean my place and wasn’t sure if it was done yet, so he told me to shower and relax at his place while he went to check on my apartment. I smile tiredly. What a great husband.

I shower quickly and get my jammies on. Nothing sexy tonight, just my Minnie Mouse pajama pants and a tight black tank because I’m seriously pooped. When I lie down on the bed, I close my eyes and lie to myself that I’m only resting them. Something wet and warm licks my nose. Another something licks my cheek. My brow furrows in annoyance. If Ash is licking my face, I’m going to be pissed. I don’t roll that way. Opening my eyes, I gasp in astonishment and sit up. Then I shriek in excitement, causing the two little puppies to jump up and down on me in equally as much excitement. Looking around, I spot Ash leaning in the door frame smiling. He says, “Now these guys are not your babies. They’re our dogs. Dogs. Got that? We’re going to have babies, so don’t baby them. And if I see you dress them in fucking tutus and dresses and shit, they’re gone. You’re not gonna put ‘em through that kind of torture, okay?” I whisper in awe, “Oh my God.” I watch the little tan pug puppy attack the little black pug puppy. They wrestle and make sweet little whimpering noises and baby growls. They are so precious and perfect. I love them immediately. They both have collars already on them. The tan puppy has on a blue collar and the black puppy has on a yellow collar. They have little metal tags on them in the shape of a bone. They’re engraved too. My little tan puppy’s name is Pizza and my little black puppy is called Donut. My family is forming right before my eyes. Covering my eyes with my hands, I give myself a mental pep talk to get my shit together. I’m becoming an emotional wreck and that was not part of the deal. Breathing deeply, I look up at Ash and tell him quietly, “I love them. Thank you, baby.” Walking over to the bed, he says, “Now I’m no expert, but I don’t think you need to thank someone for loving you. You just need to…I don’t know…appreciate it, I guess.” He shrugs and says sheepishly, “I think. I’m still learning.” I look up at him and wonder how I was ever happy without him. The truth is, I wasn’t. Not at all. I was faking my way through life. You know that saying ‘Fake it til you make it.’? I was living it. And I hated it. I mentally vow from this day to never fake my happiness. I won’t need to. As long as I have the other part of my heart sleeping next to me every night, everything will be great in my world. Starting tomorrow, I will live my life as it was meant to be lived. In the wise words of my husband… …Just happy.

Chapter Twenty-Nine No fucking way! Before I know it, Saturday night is here and I’m dying to get to the club. This week has been a great one but I’m exhausted. I need to let my hair down and hang out with my favorite people. A smile creeps onto my face. Who knew so many great memories could come from a single week? As I walk from room to room, my two little boys follow me around like a couple of sheep, and it makes me smile. They are just too cute. They’re only ten weeks old, so a life in the day of Pizza and Donut goes a little like this: Eat, sleep, poop. Eat again, poop then nap. Play time, eat, poop OR vomit. Nap, wrestle, eat and fall asleep for the night. Check and check. My widdle babies. I wuv them sooo much. Ash can’t stand the baby talk. He says he’s going to give them away if I keep doing it. He has no idea I saw him squishing Pizza’s face together while telling him, “You are pretty cute for such an ugly little thing.” I’m confident nothing I do will cause the swift departure of my widdle babies. I walk into the bathroom and stand at the counter. Both Pizza and Donut decide it’s a good time to bite mommy’s ankles. And it hurts! Their little teeth are like needles right now. They leave me no choice but to sit on the counter while I do my makeup. Donut whines and cries which makes Pizza howl. It breaks my heart, but I know I need to give them a dose of tough love. We both decided it’s a good idea if we live in Asher’s apartment and keep mine until we can find someone to take over the lease. Breaking the lease would mean losing a whole lot of cash, and I’m absolutely sure we can find someone who needs a place to live. How hard can it be? Ash was worried the puppies would wreck the apartment while we’re out so I went to a pet store and got a doggie pen for them.

I didn’t guess that the little worms would be able to fit through the wooden slats so I went to a fabric store and got some fishnet material. I wound it around all by myself and stepping back to look at it, I was pretty proud of the job I did. That is until Ash came home. He opened the door to his apartment, stepped inside and stopped dead. Pointing to the new and improved pen, he said, “What the fuck is that?” Smiling proudly, I told him, “Fishnet! Great, huh?” Wide-eyed and shaking his head slowly, he muttered, “No. Not even a bit.” Offended, I put my hands in my hips and demanded, “What’s wrong with it?” Looking about to burst into laughter, he replied, “You have two male dogs in a pen which is wrapped in bright pink fishnet. They look like they’re strippers. They look like hookers, Nat!” Flushing, I explained a little too loudly, “It was the only kind they had!” Dipping his head, I saw his body shake in silent laughter. He sighed through a smile and said, “Ready to go?” Narrowing my eyes at him, I uttered, “Yeah. Let me grab my purse.” Ash held the door open for me and as I was walking out, he looked over to the pen and told my babies, “Don’t work the streets too hard tonight, boys. And remember, if it’s not on, it’s not on. No one likes a puppy with STDs.” Which brings us to now. I really tried to dress appropriately tonight and found that I couldn’t. I don’t have married clothes. I only have single, let’s fuck, clubbing clothes. As we walk down to his sexy Impala, his baby, Ash finally took a second to look at me and says, “That’s what you’re wearing?” I simply nodded knowing he wouldn’t be the happiest camper that ever lived. He raised his head heavenward as if in prayer and mumbles, “Of course. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me hard. Amen.” I scoot over on the bench seat to be closer to him. As soon as I’m within grabbing distance, he hooks an arm around me and smiles to the road ahead. We have a lot of times like this. Times where we don’t need to say a thing. We just get each other like that. And it’s nice. We arrive at The White Rabbit and Ash parks the car. When I get out of the car, Ash growls. I turn to him with narrowed eyes. He stomps over to my side of the car and pushes me back into the passenger side door. He places his hand at the back of my thigh and I take in a shuddering breath. Almost nose-to-nose, we look into each other’s hooded eyes and his hand starts to climb up and under my hot gunmetal colored mini-dress. As soon as he touches my bare ass, he growls, “No panties? No fucking panties? Jesus, Nat!”

Suddenly defensive, I explain all too quickly, “This dress shows panty lines and I hate that.” Glaring at me, he says, “You couldn’t wear something else?” My heart squeezes. I ask quietly, “Don’t you trust me, baby?” He leans back, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind and says, “That’s what you think this is about? Pretty girl, I trust you. I trust you more than I trust anyone. But…” He says that but a little harshly and pauses a moment before he goes on, “…how the fuck am I meant to concentrate on work knowing you’re dressed like this?” Oh! Dipping my head, I smile to myself. His fingers come under my chin. His eyes crinkle in the corners, and he utters, “I got the sexiest wife and I’m proud of that.” His nose scrunches. “But tonight every fucker’s gonna see what’s mine and try to get in on that. That, I’m not cool with.” His fingers dip between the backs of my thighs and into my heat. My eyes drift closed, my head falls back and I moan softly. Ash says firmly, “This. Is. Mine.” Nodding vigorously, I reach up to grip his shoulders. His mouth comes down on mine hungrily. He eats away at my mouth, and a flow of wetness seeps through me. I try to close my legs tight but when he groans into my mouth, I know he’s felt it. Not able to think straight, I slide my hands off his shoulders, down his hips and work his belt. Kissing me deeper, he says hoarsely, “Gotta make it quick, girl.” This belt. This fucking belt! His belt is more like a Rubik’s cube. When I finally manage to undo it, I pop the top button on his jeans and slide my back down the car. Ash places his hands on the top of the car, looks down at me with a smirk and mutters, “Super happy fun time?” Sending him a saucy smile, I pull his hard length free of his jeans and stroke it a few times before I take it into my mouth. He groans, “Oh yeah.” Working him with my mouth and hand, I stroke him while I suck him. He thrusts into my mouth gently and I see his stomach tense and twitch. This needs to be quick so he’ll get quick. His eyes have closed in bliss and I whisper, “Baby, watch me.” His dark gaze settles on me and I open my knees wide to show him my bare mound. I lower my hand and work myself while I work him. His eyes close again and he pants through his whisper, “Fuck. She likes it dirty. Love my girl.” A few seconds pass and I feel his stomach tense. He says, “Not gonna last.” Pulling him deeper into my mouth, I bob my head and hollow my cheeks with every out stroke while moaning. His hips jerk uncontrollably and he pants, “Deep, baby. It’s coming.”

Taking him as deep as I can, he stills and growls his release. Warm saltiness hits my tongue and I swallow it all up. Sucking gently, I bob my head slower and slower and finally release him with a pop. He opens his eyes and looks at me through an almost sleepy gaze. Reaching down, he cups my cheek and mutters, “My dirty girl.” Smiling up at him, I hear the security door open and squeak. Ash looks across the room and says to the mystery person, “I wouldn’t come over here if I were you.” Max replies, “Why the fuck n- Oh man, are you gettin’ lucky?” I quickly do up Asher’s jeans and stand. Max bursts into laughter when he sees my head ascend and chuckles, “Shit, guys. Warn a brother. Did you at least finish?” Ash smiles big and fluffing my hair, I tell Max, “I never start something I don’t plan to finish.” Ash wraps his arm around me and Max shakes his head. He says, “Well if you two don’t mind, I think I’m gonna make this a blowjob free zone from now on.” Ash mutters through a smile, “You’re just jealous, bro. Take it like a man. You missed your chance.” Max smiles and teases, “True. But don’t act like you didn’t steal her out from under me, you sly dawg you.” When we walk past Max, I wrap my free arm around his waist, pull him close and tell him, “You know I love you, right?” Max’s eyes gleam when he replies, “Forever and always, babe.” Surrounded by my two favorite men, I feel it in my bones. Tonight is going to be a good one. *** Tonight is grating my nerves! It started great. We all sat at the booth drinking, talking and laughing for a while before us girls decided we needed to dance it up a little. So Ash being Ash, he sits at the bar across the way watching us. Okay, so the guy is ultra-possessive and over-protective but not in a creepy way. I told him not to bother. All he had to do was utter the name Cole and I gave in. Ten minutes pass and every time I look up at my husband, a new floozy tries to occupy the stool next to his. It’s not like he’s flirting or anything, but I can tell he doesn’t want to be rude so while he watches me, he talks to them but never looks at them. And they just don’t give up! One woman actually reaches up to his cheek and pulls his face to face her. What a ho! Take a hint, honey!

When the umpteenth woman tries her hand at my husband, I’ve had it. I tell the girls I need a drink and head over to the bar. Once I’m in hearing distance, I yell out, “Asher, honey!” He turns to face me with a smile. Miss brunette with glitter eye shadow does not. Putting on my best dumb bimbo, I squeak, “There you are. I need your help.” Doing a really slow and obvious wink, I whisper loudly, “I need you to touch my no-no again. It’s all tingly.” Pouting, I say, “And I like when you touch it.” Miss brunette gapes and says, “And you are?” Not missing a beat, I roll my eyes and tell her, “His sister.” And she actually gags. Ash’s body shakes with silent laughter and we both watch as Miss Brunette scurries away. Pulling me to stand between his legs, he says, “That was cruel and gross. But I give you an A-plus for creativity.” Turning to face him, I utter, “So much for the guys coming onto me. All the women are hanging off you tonight!” A slow and surprised smile graces his gorgeous face, “Jealous?” I scoff, “What? No! Hell no! Not even a little.” He just smirks knowingly and I concede, “Maybe just a smidge.” Stefan the Sheriff comes over to us and from behind the bar, he looks me up and down not so discreetly. Holding his heart, he says, “My God, Nat. You can’t wear shit like that and expect me to be able to work without watching you every other minute.” Ash scowls at him and opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off by telling Sheriff on a loud whisper, “I’m not even wearing panties, honey.” Sheriff blinks once, twice, three times. Then he asks hoarsely, “What are you doing later?” Ash looks at Sheriff like he’s going to kick his ass and I burst into laughter. Wrapping my arm around Ash and leaning into him, I tell Sheriff, “Have you met my husband, Sheriff?” Ash wraps his arm around my waist and says, “Don’t think I’ll ever get sick of hearing you call me that.” Sheriff looks to Ash and splutters, “N- Nat. She- She was the one. The talk…” Ash smirks, nods and tells him, “I got my girl. Well, technically, my wife.” I have no idea what they’re talking about, but they seem to know, so I don’t bother asking. Sheriff turns to me and says sincerely, “Congratulations, guys. Let me get you some champagne.” When Sheriff returns with our glasses, we each take one and raise them. Smiling I say, “To us.”

Ash looks up in thought and says, “To happiness.” Nodding, I utter, “To a long life together.” Ash smiles, reaches up and grips the back of my neck. He pulls me closer to him til we’re nose-to-nose and mutters, “That’s a good one.” I peck his lips and say between kisses, “You sure you can handle me, big boy?” His body shakes with silent laughter. He runs his nose up the length of mine and says, “Baby, you were made for me.” Stilling, I whisper, “That’s a good one.” He kisses my lips and I close my eyes. To happiness. *** Fuck my life! I’m running late to work for the first time in ever, but in my defense, I seem to have drunk too much last night and am hungover. I didn’t say it was a great defense. My head throbs, my stomach aches and I can barely open my eyes. I feel like I’m gonna ralph any second and as I walk through the door to Safira’s, Tina booms, “Good morning, hon!” Okay, so she doesn’t say it all that loudly, but it feels like my eardrums are going to explode. Cringing, I tell her, “Quiet, please. I feel like crap.” A look of guilt crosses her face and she whispers, “Sorry!” Great, now I feel like shit. Making my way over to her, I hug her and tell her, “Don’t be. It’s my fault. I’m hungover.” Tina looks confused before saying, “Okay, well how about you do some nice relaxing inventory today?” Sitting on my ass all day at a computer rather than having to listen to whiny customers and see the light of day which, by the way, is burning my retinas to a crisp, sounds like a plan. I’ll take inventory with a big yes please! Squeezing her, I tell her, “This is why I love you, babe. You’re the greatest.” Shuffling my way into the store room, I throw my bag down, take out my bottle of water and aspirin, chug two and sit behind the desk. I don’t think I’ve ever been so hungover before. When I click on the inventory software to open, all the letters and numbers look jumbled together. I can’t see clearly and the screen is making my headache worse. Lowering my forehead to the cool wooden surface of the desk, I breathe deeply and try to calm myself.

Now is not the time to get frustrated. Besides, if I am going to be frustrated at someone, I only have myself to blame. No sympathy. Walk it off and get to work. Shaking my head to clear it, I try again. Looking up at the screen, it seems a little clearer and I get to work. Before I know it, three hours have passed and I’m almost done. My stomach rumbles and I realize I skipped breakfast. Taking my bag, I walk out of the store room and Tina greets me with a big smile. “Hey, you look a lot better. How are you feeling?” Smiling back, I tell her, “A lot better. Thank God for aspirin. Are you hungry? I thought I’d go get us some subs from Silvio?” Tina scrunches her nose and pats her belly, she explains, “I shouldn’t eat deli meat while I’m pregnant, so I’ll pass, but get me a cookie.” Waving to her, I walk out the door and over to Silvio’s. As soon as I’m through the door, the smell of meat, cheese and baked goods hit me and I cover my mouth. Oh shit. I’m going to ralph! Quickly stepping back out to the sidewalk, I breathe deeply and decide on going to the drug store for some seltzer tabs. Once inside, I grab the stomach settling remedy and walk toward the counter. Looking to the left hand shelf, I stop suddenly. My heart skips a beat. I grab another few items off the shelf, just in case, and take it all to the register. The little mature woman smiles knowingly, “Green around the gills, are we?” Chuckling, I tell her, “Just a little.” Needing to get somewhere quiet quickly, I basically run back to Safira’s and take my bag of medicine into the bathroom with me. Thoughts of lunch disappear with a new wave of nausea. I turn quickly and kneel, just in time to throw up in the toilet bowl. Thoughts rush through my head and I open the drug store bag with shaking hands. I hold up the long narrow box and open it before I can change my mind. *** Closing my eyes, I lean my head back on the cool bathroom mirror. When I think enough time has passed, I pick up the stick and gasp. No fucking way. I’m pregnant. Chapter Thirty Everything happens for a reason

Six months later… My stomach aches. My back hurts. I haven’t brushed my hair today or my teeth. Wearing no makeup and dressed in sweats, I sit next to Ash and wait. Always waiting. I hate the fucking wait. It makes me nervous as hell. Pulling my hands into the arms of my sweater, I wrap my arms around myself and go somewhere deep within myself. Somewhere safe and happy. In the void that is my mind. I haven’t been happy for six months, and it’s taking its toll on my marriage. Ash loves me and I love him just as much. I know he would do anything for me, but right now, no one can do a thing for me. I’m stuck in my head. In my thoughts. Somewhere I promised I’d never be again. Faking my happy. Lifting my thumb to my mouth, I bite my nail and mutter, “What’s taking so long?” Ash sighs. “Not sure, baby. Hang in there.” He tries to put his hand on my shoulder, but I move away from his touch. I don’t want anyone to touch me. His hand stills mid-air, closes into a fist and pulls away. I know I’m hurting him but I don’t know how else to be. This is hard and emotionally draining. The door opens and I sit straighter. Dr. Tanya Rowley, a mature sweet lady, walks in and greets us with a small smile. I like Tanya and I’ve been seeing a lot of her. Enough to know that today’s news is not going to be good. The bridge of my nose tingles and my bottom lip quivers. Tanya says softly, “I’m so sorry.” My heart is breaking. I give up. Ash puts his arms around me and this time I let him. This is hurting him as much as it’s hurting me. I sob quietly into his chest and Tanya says, “Two miscarriages in such a short time are too many. We need to be thinking about you and your health, too.” Nodding slightly, I look up at her. She hands me some tissue and explains, “The first natural conception can often lead to a miscarriage. You would be surprised - quite a lot of first pregnancies end in miscarriage in the early stages. While your first round of IVF worked for conception…I’m sorry, but I don’t recommend we use IVF again.” Looking right at me, she says, “I can see the effect this is having on you, Natalie. The state this whole situation is putting you in…I think you need a break. I wish the circumstances were different, but with the aggressive type of PCOS you have, conceiving will

always be difficult, and there is no guarantee you’ll ever make it to full term. This is no longer a question of whether you can conceive. We know you can. The problem lies with carrying to term.” She sighs and looks between me and Ash. “By the emotional state you’re in now, my recommendation is to give it a rest for a while before we discuss more options. Take a month to yourselves without having to worry about this. Reconnect as a couple and talk through what you’re feeling.” I dip my head. I know she’s saying this to me, not Ash. It’s true. I’ve been pulling away from him. After I miscarried the second time, I left, went back to Cali without even telling him. I called him when I got there and he was dumbstruck. He was so disappointed in me, and I could feel it radiating off him even through the phone. In anger, he told me I was selfish and acting like a spoilt brat. He was right. When he calmed down, he begged me to come home. I could hear the strain in his voice. When I refused, he asked me if I thought that I was the only one being affected by the loss, but I couldn’t answer him. All I could think about was me. When I’m hurting, I become irrational and selfish. My parents and sisters tried to reason with me to no avail. It got to the point where Helena, who is normally my champion, yelled at me to stop being self-centered and to think about what I just left my husband to deal with on his own. I burst into tears at that. I was so caught up in my own emotions that I forgot all about Ash not having family to talk to about it. I know he has Nik, Max and Trick, but he doesn’t talk emotions with the guys. I caught the next flight home and as soon as I walked through the door, he looked up at me from the sofa through glassy eyes and stated in a whisper, “I’m losing you.” Unsure what to say because I felt so lost in my own mind, I walked over to him. Standing between his open legs, he crushed me to him and I felt the warmth of his breath through my clothes on my belly. He kissed my stomach and whispered over and over, “I’m sorry.” It hadn’t occurred to me that he might have felt responsible for me miscarrying. If I hadn’t been so selfish and stayed with him when he needed me, I would have seen the guilt he shouldn’t be carrying. His heart was just as broken as mine was. I promised, as he did, to love each other for better or worse, and I vowed that I’d remember that. Having a baby is just something my body was not meant to do. I see that now, but when I found out that I was pregnant that first time, it sparked some hope in me. That hope grew to something more. I was optimistic and managed to carry that baby for another week before I woke up bleeding heavily. I’d just told Ash that afternoon because I’d wanted to see an ObGyn and I did. I had a scan that day and everything was fine. So I went home and told Ash

that we were going to have a baby. You wouldn’t believe how happy he was. He kissed me, hugged me and swore he’d be the best father. Then…nothing. A late night visit to the emergency room confirmed my suspicions. The baby was gone. It left me feeling like a failure. I mean, there’s one big job a woman has in her life and that is to make life. We’re meant to be these glorious creatures. Goddesses of creation and all that shit. Not me. You’re damaged goods. Running my hands down my face, I realize just how tired I am. I don’t sleep much the night before doctors’ appointments. Nodding in resolve, I say quietly, “So these other options, they won’t include me being the one to carry the baby, right?” Smiling sadly, Tanya replies, “No, honey, I’m afraid not.” My lip quivers and she states, “Nat, think of the big picture. Even if you aren’t the one to carry your baby…” with a wistful smile, she goes on, “…just think of how you’ll feel when you hold a piece of you for the first time. It doesn’t matter how you get that baby, what matters is that it’s yours.” Tears fall down my face and I whisper, “I’m a failure.” Ash wraps his arms around me. I turn to face him and his soft brown eyes blaze in determination as he says fiercely, “No, you’re not. Don’t ever say that. You’re perfect.” And I know he means what he says. I see it in his eyes. How can he still love me? I’m nothing but a disappointment. Defective. Faulty. Flawed. Tanya clears her throat and states, “Around ten percent of women in the US have troubles with conception and infertility. Ten percent, Nat. You’re not alone. I really wish you’d go to the counseling group I recommended. You’d get a glimpse of what life is like for those women and just how they dealt with similar feelings to what you’re feeling right now.” Moving to stand, I tell her, “I’ll think about it.” Tanya stands, walks toward me and takes me in a tender and motherly hug. She says, “A month. Just one month off, then we’ll regroup and go over what options are there.” I squeeze her and say sincerely, “Thank you for everything you’ve done. I’ll never forget it.” Taking Ash by the hand, we walk out of Tanya’s office and I tell myself I’ll never go back. My heart just can’t handle it. ***

Alternating watching Nat sleep on the sofa, doing research on the laptop and playing with the dogs, I wonder if there’s anything humanly possible I can do to help my wife. I made a decision this afternoon. It’s not something I want to do but it’s seriously the only thing I can think of. I’m startled out of my thoughts when Nat crawls onto my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. Resting her head on my chest and playing with the hair at my nape, she says softly, “You’re thinking so hard I can hear the gears grinding, babe. What are you pondering in that mug of yours?” This is it. Now or never. Don’t be a pussy. Just do it. Enveloping her in a warm hug, I tell her, “I’m going to go to therapy.” Her body goes rigid in my arms, and I wait for this to backfire. She looks up at me with a sweet smile, “Really?” Nodding, I say, “Yeah. I thought we could do it together. Separately, I mean. I could do sessions about what happened to me and you could do sessions about the pregnancies.” Her face falls a little. A few moments pass and her small smile reappears. She asks, “Is that something that would help you go through with it? If I were to go too?” I smile softly at her, “Yeah, girl. I think so.” A beautiful smile graces her gorgeous face. The first real smile I’ve seen her wear in a long, long time. She dips her face towards mine and kisses my lips gently. There’s an apology in this kiss and I’m taking it. I pull her deeper into me and put my heart into this kiss. I say against her lips, “No matter what happens, I love you. You’re all I need.” Her arms tighten around my neck and I feel her tears fall onto my cheeks. Her voice trembles when she says, “I love you too. I just want to be perfect for you, but I’m failing at the one thing I should be able to do. I’m so sorry, Ash.” Burrowing my face into her neck, I speak against the side of her throat, “You are perfect, babe. You were made for me.” She whispers, “God, I love you so much.” And somehow I know everything is going to be okay. My phone vibrating breaks us out of our deep moment. When I pick it up to check the display, I smile and answer it. I listen to the crazy-assed man ramble for a while before I answer, “We’re on our way.” Nat searches my face, smiling, “It’s time?” Nodding slowly, I nod and smile back, “It’s time, babe.” *** We all stand around, chatting excitedly and waiting.

Everyone is in a great mood and I have to admit, I missed feeling this way. Today I’m not faking my happy. I am happy. But I’m nervous too. So nervous that my stomach is in knots and my palms are sweating. Ash comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me. I’m so lucky to have him. I love him so much. Turning to face him, I look into his soft brown eyes and state, “I’m happy.” He smiles down at me before kissing my forehead. He sighs, “That’s all I need to hear and I’m good too.” Rocking me gently, he whispers into my ear, “We really gonna do this therapy stuff?” I fight the urge to shudder. From the time we got married, I’ve brought up the subject twice. Twice was enough to know he’d never do it. The first time, he just looked at me like I’d lost my mind and walked away from me. The second time, he went on about how he wasn’t going to let some quack tell him how fucked up he is because he already knows it. Both times I felt like shit for even bringing it up and eventually let it go. Pick your battles. Looking up at him, I nod, “Yeah, babe. It’ll be good for both of us.” And it will be. I feel it. Ash cups my cheek, running his thumb over it and just as he opens his mouth to speak, he looks at the end of the hall and smiles. Nik comes down the hall looking smug and announces, “It’s a girl!” We all cheer and whoop. I walk over to Nik and wrap my arms around his waist. He hugs me tightly and when we pull away from each other, he sees my face and expression crosses his, almost as if he wants to apologize for being happy. I flash him a watery smile. “How’s my girl doing?” Nik sighs. “Tired but good. She’s happy and excited. I think she just wants to get home. She hates it here.” I don’t blame her. Hospitals don’t exactly bring back cheerful memories for Nik and Tina. “Does she have a name yet?” I ask. Nik smiles. “Yeah. We named her Eva.” Mimi comes up behind me and tells Nik, “That’s a beautiful name.” Lola smiles. “Just perfect, Niki.” Max asks, “So when can I see my little niece?” Nik explains, “She was a little early, so she’s being incubated.” Our faces fall and he laughs, “She’s completely healthy, guys. Really. It’s just a precaution.” Trick smirks. “Oh damn, Nik. Living with three girls. You’re fucked.”

Ash chuckles. “Don’t worry, Nik. I won’t tell anyone about the tea party you had with Tatiana last week.” Nik laughs then says, “Laugh it up, guys. I’d have ten tea parties a week if it kept my girls happy.” And he means it. Nik is a good daddy. Smiling to myself, I ask Nik if I can see Tina alone. He smiles a sad smile and tells me where I can find her. I walk down the hall and to her room. I knock gently and hear Tina say, “Come on in.” Walking past the privacy curtain, I find Tina sitting up in bed holding little Eva. I’m suddenly overwhelmed. Dipping my chin, I try to hold back my tears, but they fall in fat drops onto the floor in front of me. Tina says softly, “Wanna meet your niece, Aunt Nat? I only have her a few minutes before they take her away again.” Nodding, I choke out, “I’d like that.” I move to her bedside and sit down next to her. Eva is small. Smaller than Tatiana was. But just as beautiful. Tina puts the little bundle that is Eva into my arms and I breathe in a shuddering breath. I’m in awe of this little creature. I whisper, “She’s so tiny.” Tina rests her head on my shoulder and yawns, “Yep, she is. But she’ll grow quickly.” My chest pangs in agony. I ask her, “How did you do it?” She looks up at me questioningly and I clarify, “Live past Mia’s death?” Her face softens and she whispers, “Time heals all wounds. I promise, it does get better. You were there with me, you know it.” I nod and she goes on, “I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but there will be a day where you wake up in the morning and colors will seem a little brighter, the sunshine will stay out longer, and the birds will sing just for you.” My vision blurs and I lower my head. Tina whispers, “It’s gonna happen for you, honey. I promise.” *** Three months later… Ash grabs me around the waist from behind and I burst into laughter. His body shakes with silent laughter and he says, “You think I’d let you get away with that, pretty girl? I don’t think so.” Next thing I know, a mangled pancake is being shoved into my mouth. Not just any pancake. The one I threw across the room and into Asher’s face before running like I stole something and locking myself in the bathroom. Stupidly, I thought the coast was clear.

So now I must eat said mangled pancake. And I eat it with pride. I chew loudly through my whimpers mixed with giggles while Pizza and Donut jump up and down at our feet knowing mommy and daddy are being silly. Asher laughs, “You better eat the whole thing. Don’t make me get the syrup, girl.” Just as I swallow, the doorbell rings. Ash and I look at each other through narrowed eyes before he walks over to the door and throws it open. He snatches Tatiana out of Nik’s hands and throws her up and down in the air. Smiling like a fool, he walks her into the apartment and says to Nik and Tina, “Well, this is a surprise. A good one, I mean. Come on in, guys.” Even though I only saw Tina a few hours ago, I tightly hug her and kiss Nik’s cheek. I ask in mock horror, “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I would’ve at least tidied up!” Tina chuckles. “Oh please, you should see our place. We came here to be somewhere cleaner!” Tina follows me into the kitchen while Nik and Ash show Tatiana the doggies. She can’t walk yet but can stand with little assistance. Pizza and Donut jump around her playfully. She smiles and kicks her little legs out. Adorable. Tina helps me make coffee for everyone and we bring them over. Nik and Tina sit on the sofa while I sit on Ash in the single armchair. Nik looks at Tina with a sly smile. I look down at Ash through narrowed eyes but he just shrugs. Nik smiles so hard his dimple pops out, “We were hoping to discuss something with you guys…” Epilogue Good things come to those who wait As soon as I say it, I know I’ve fucked up. “Should you be eating that?” Her face falls and she throws the donut aside. Great work, ass. I quickly amend what I said, “No, no! I meant are you allowed to eat that?” Nat looks at me through wide eyes and mouths, “What is wrong with you?” Fix this, quick!

Walking over to the box, I pick out two new donuts and bring them over to Tina. I tell her, “Here, I know you like the glazed ones.” She smiles up at me and cups my cheek, “Ghost, honey, you don’t need to watch me like a hawk. I’m not ill. And it’s kinda creepy.” But I want to watch her! Playing it cool, I utter, “I know but I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.” Tina throws me a sweet smile, “Ash, are- are you nervous?” Fuck yeah, I am. I scoff, “What? No. You’re crazy.” Nat sighs, “Well, I’m nervous. When is Nik coming home?” Tina explains, “He called, he has to meet us there. So we can leave anytime you like.” We make a move out to Nat’s car and I help Tina sit. When I try to buckle her in, she slaps my hands away, glares at me and says in warning, “No.” Commence project drive like an old lady. Nat says, “Babe, I think you can go a little faster than this.” Tina agrees, “Yeah, you can at least go the speed limit, honey.” I ignore them both. I’m driving, therefore, my rules. We finally arrive at the big white building and I spot Nik out front waiting on us. He comes over to me and says, “Nervous, bro?” Yep. So much that I might just barf. I wave him off and utter, “No way. Let’s do this.” When I reach for Tina’s arm to escort her in, she karate chops me and scowls at me. I throw my arms up in defeat and back away. Okay. I get it. Overkill. Nat walks next to me and says out of the side of her mouth, “Calm the fuck down, ass.” Nat and Tina are escorted into a room leaving me and Nik out in the hall. Nik says reassuringly, “This is all procedure. Just the way it goes, man. You’ll see, everything’s fine.” Ten minutes pass and I’m officially anxious as fuck. I’m ready to knock down the door, throw Tina over my shoulder and run like the wind. Just as I say, “What the fuck’s taking so long?” the door opens and Tanya steps out. Smiling, she says, “Come on in guys, we’re ready for you.” Nik and I follow her in to find Tina lying on a reclined medical chair with her belly showing. Nat stands next to her holding her hand. Okay. More like squeezing the shit out of it. Tanya squirts some lube-looking goop onto Tina’s belly and swirls around a microphone looking device onto it. I watch Tanya’s face. She searches for a while before she smiles. And

that’s all I need. Relief settles through me. I know everything’s okay. Tanya looks around at everyone and smiles, “Wanna see?” Nat squeaks, “Yes!” Tina laughs and squeezes her hand. Tanya turns to me and I respond hoarsely, “Yeah.” Nik’s hand squeezes my shoulder in a show of brotherly support. She brings up a static-looking screen and says softly, “There they are.” Pointing to what looks like bits of nothing. Leaning closer, I frown, “Where?” Tanya points out two little spots and almost whispers, “Right there.” Wait. I rear back. Turning to face Tanya, I query, “They? Two? There are two babies?” Tanya chuckles and nods. And I suddenly want to do a nudie run down the halls in triumph. Raising both my hands to my head, I grip my hair and mutter, “Two. Instant family.” Turning to a smiling Nat, I see her shake her head at me. I move forward and take her mouth in a deep kiss. She chuckles against my mouth. Tina smiles up at me and I lower myself to kiss her forehead. I whisper, “Thank you. So much.” Tina cups my cheek and says, “Ghost, you’re gonna make me cry. Stop.” Nik smiles at me and I almost jump on him. I wrap my arms around him and lift him. He laughs, “Take it easy, bro. You’re gonna tear something if you don’t calm down.” Standing back, I look at everyone through wide eyes and shout, “This is the best day of my life!” Then I pass out. *** I watch Ash fall back onto the floor in a dead faint. Everyone watches him closely for a second and when it’s clear he’s not waking anytime soon, I wave a hand at him and tell Tanya, “Show me more!” Tina and Nik chuckle at me and Tanya says through a choked laugh, “How about I print off all the photos I have and make you an album.” My throat clogs with emotion. I whisper, “I’d love that. Thank you.” Tanya steps over Ash as she exits the room and I turn to Nik and Tina. Unsure where to start, I blurt out, “You’re making my dreams come true.” Tina squeezes my hand and says, “No. We’re not.” Pointing to her belly, she goes on, “This. This is you and Ash. Just call me an oven.”

Nik comes forwards and kisses my forehead. He says, “Good things come to those who wait, babe.” I look over at my husband on the floor. He’s waited his whole life for happiness. He deserves this. I deserve this. A large smile spreads across my mouth. I tell my friends, “I love you both, and I’m going to love these babies like no one else could. I will cherish and protect them. And Ash is going to be a great daddy to them. We’re finally going to be a family.” Warmth spreads through my belly. My family is almost complete. And my happy has returned to stay.

The End ***The Friend-Zoned series will continue with the story of Max and Helena*** Read on for a note from the author as well as a teaser to Belle’s upcoming novel, Willing Captive. Hi guys, Here is a sneak peek of Willing Captive which will be out later this year. Thank you for reading Love Thy Neighbor. Your love and support mean everything to me. Belle xx *** Hours of sitting in this awful chair is starting to numb my ass. I move from side to side, wriggling until one of my captors sighs loudly and runs a hand through his hair. It’s the hot one. Of course. I look him in his icy blue eyes and beg softly, "Please. I don't know what you want from me but I’ll do anything, I’ll give anything for you to just let me the fuck go. I never saw you. I'll never speak a word of this to anyone." I duck my chin, my voice trembles as I whisper, "Please." My head remains lowered and I watch in slow motion as a tear drop falls into my lap.

I hear my captor’s chuckle and devastation breaks my resolve. I burst into sobs and my captors laugh louder. I lose it. "You fucking assholes! Getting off on a petrified girl? What kind of men are you? I'll tell you what kind of men! The kind that no one likes so they have to stick together or they'll be left at the bottom of the food chain to fend for themselves like rabid fucking dogs!" My chest heaves with rage. Both men have stopped laughing and wear matching scowls. I look the hot one in his hard cold eyes and screech, "You are lower than scum and I fucking hate you!" I realize I’m hysterical and burst into laughter. Laughing hard, I yell, "I'm locked away in a shithole!" I laugh so hard I’m wheezing. "No one knows where I am!" I snort through my chuckles. "I'm going to die alone!" Laughter forces its way out of me for a good minute slowly fading out until I finally stop. I'm hollow. Empty. And numb. The mocha skinned man asks, "Feeling better now?" I don't look at him. I keep my eyes averted and shake my head once. I whisper, "No. Not at all." I finally look up at him. "How would you feel if you'd been kidnapped?" His lip twitches and he looks over at hottie commando. Hottie commando’s eyes meet mine. "You tied to a chair?" I look down at my bare wrists and shake my head. He fires another question. "You been slapped around?" I look him in the eye and shake my head. He nods in agreement. I blurt out a meek, "I just wanna go home." He raises his brows. "You're so fucking annoying that there is nothing more I want to do than to let you go right now...but I can’t." I fight the urge to call him a motherfucking douche canoe and glare down at his shoes, lip curling. He leans back in his chair and states, "You haven't been kidnapped, Delilah." Eyes wide, I lift my face to look into his and ask, "Who are you?" Hottie commando's lip twitches. "The person who just saved your life, baby." What the mother fuck? -Willing Captive, late 2013