Breathing You In - S. Moose

Copyright Breathing You In Copyright © 2017 by S. Moose All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual person, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner. All rights reserved.

Cover Picture from Sara Eirew Photography Models BT Urruela and Madison Rae Cover Design by Dana Lamothe @ Designs by Dana Interior Formatting by Jill Sava, Love Affair With Fiction Editing by Josie Cruz Proofreading by Virginia Tesi Carey Release Day Blitz and Blog Tour by Give Me Books

Table of Contents

Playlist Other Books by S. Moose Dedication Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21

Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Acknowledgements About the Author

Playlist

Linkin Park ft. Kiiara – Heavy Jojo – Leave (Get Out) The Weekend ft. Daft Punk – I Feel It Coming Bruno Mars – Treasure Britney Spears – Ooops I Did It Again The Weekend – As You Are Gloriana – Can’t Shake You Alex & Sierra – You Will Find Me Brothers Osborne – Love the Lonely Out of You Jesse Ruben – This is Why I Need You Chase Rice – Whisper Dierks Bentley ft. Elle King – Different for Girls Maroon 5 ft. Future – Cold Nelly – Just A Dream Birdy – All You Never Say Lady Gaga – Million Reasons Tori Kelly ft. Ed Sheeran – I Was Made for Loving You Brett Young – In Case You Didn’t Know

Other Books by S. Moose

Never Letting Go Series Reaching Out For You Holding Onto You Next to Forever Infinity Series Vision of Love Vision of Destiny Vision of Hope Interrupted Series Interrupted Vol 1 Interrupted Vol 2 Interrupted Vol 3 The Offbeat Series Offbeat Even Rhythm Say It Series Say It Again Say It Forever (Early 2018) Standalones Teach Me Love

Beautiful Lessons with Rebecca Brooke Take Me Away Rewriting the Rules Refresh Why I’m Yours with CA Harms (Coming October 10, 2017)

“Until we have seen someone’s darkness we don’t really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness we don’t really know what love is.” -Marianne Williamson

Dedication

To anyone struggling please remember… YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.

Prologue

Logan

“THIS ISN’T WHAT I signed up for!” she yells and throws a plate toward my head, barely missing me by a mere few inches. The dish hits the wall and a loud crash resounds in the kitchen. Small, broken fragments of the white china scatter across the hardwood kitchen floor. “We’ve been married for six months and all you’ve done is travel for work and left me here alone. I can’t take it anymore.” At the sound of Shannon’s sad plea, I impatiently run my fingers through my wavy, dark brown hair, frustrated from the same argument we’ve had for the past few weeks. Every day it’s something else, and frankly it’s becoming annoying and too predictable. I can never do anything to make her happy. She wants what she wants, when she wants it, and disregards reality of life. She disregards what I’m doing for her… for us. I love her with everything I have, but right now, looking at the woman I vowed to spend my life with, I’m blinded. She isn’t the same woman. In my eyes, she’s selfish and demands more than I can give her. What the hell happened to my strong and independent woman? Instead of surprising her with a four-day getaway to the Hamptons like I had planned, we’re standing in the middle of our kitchen arguing, and she’s throwing her usual tantrum, screaming at me about my dedication to work and not being home enough. Instead of talking like a sane person she resorts to screaming and threats. All I want to do is give her this trip and get away for a few days so we can spend time together and reconnect. We need to reconnect, to intimately be together, and share moments we can cherish and remember. “What the hell do you expect from me? I’m doing everything I can to give us the best life. I bought you this house, your car, everything you could possibly need. What more do you want from me? I work nearly twelve-hour days, and I know you miss me and long for us to spend more time together, and I want the same. Can’t you see everything that I’m doing is for you? For us?” She cries, covering her face with her hands, shaking her head side to side. Part of me

yearns to comfort her, tell her it’ll be okay, and the other part is giving up. There’s only so much a person can take before the breaking point is met, and I’m inching closer to that point. When your high school sweetheart becomes your wife, you think things will be the same or better. Once marriage comes into the picture, things change. It’s not easy. Two lives merge as one and sometimes true feelings surface. Through the years we’ve been together, I’ve never seen her act like this. It’s foreign to me. I don’t know how to handle it. “You. Logan, I just want you. Don’t you see how alone I am? I have no one to talk to. My sister’s busy doing whatever she does, and all my friends are getting ready for babies and their new chapters. I’m here in this house, waiting. Always waiting for you!” I pinch the bridge of my nose, willing away the oncoming migraine. “So you want a family?” “You know I do.” Her voice is small and she’s looking everywhere but at me. My chest tightens. A baby? I’m not ready for sleepless nights, diaper changes, and feeling scared all day, every day. And what if I have a girl? That means I’ll have to get a license to carry a gun and learn how to handle one properly. I’ll have to see my doctor for weekly checkups when she becomes a teenager and enters the dating age because my blood pressure will be too high and I’ll have to meet boys that were once me, asking to take out my princess. No. Absolutely not. “You know that’s not possible. First, a baby isn’t going to solve this. Second, we’re not ready. What I think is best is for us to have adventures before we start a family, to take you all over the world. I’d planned a mini-getaway for us to the Hamptons. Remember, you love it there? I have the beach house rented, and I’ll be off the grid. No working. No phone. No email. Nothing. Just us.” “I don’t want that,” she mutters. “I mean, I do. It’s just I need more than what you’re giving me now. You’re always gone, and every time I think I’m okay, I realize how alone I am. This is the first time you’ve been home by six in weeks. A getaway isn’t going to fix this.” “I know I’ve been working a lot more, and I’m sorry for that. That’s why I think this trip will be good for us. We’ll be together without any distractions. It’ll be perfect.” “It does sound nice and I appreciate what you’re doing, so please don’t get me wrong. This feeling of longing for a baby won’t go away. You can’t sweep me off on a romantic trip and think I’ll forget this feeling. We’re twenty-five years old and I feel like it’s time to start a family. These getaways will always be there, and we can go when we’re older or even when our children are older.” My body tenses from her mentioning babies and a family again. One day I want that, but not right now. I stare out the window, and then back at her. This isn’t something that’ll go away. Her desperate need for a baby is giving me anxiety, and my insides are clawing at one another, hiding in the depths of my body, away from everything.

“Do you regret our life?” “What?” I ask her again. “Do you regret our life?” “I could never regret it. I’ve been in love with you since I was fourteen years old. You’re everything to me. I just need more and I don’t know why you don’t understand that. It’s normal to want a family with the man you love. I’m all set for the next chapter of our marriage.” “I’m not. It’ll be nice to spend more time alone with my wife before we bring a baby into this world. Our son or daughter will change our lives. Have you thought about the late night feedings or diaper changing? What about if something goes wrong during your pregnancy and I lose you and our baby? “Now you’re overthinking things, Logan. Are these excuses?” “No. I’m not making excuses or playing any games. These questions I have are real. I don’t think you’ve taken the time to see the reality of bringing a baby into the world.” “You still don’t get it.” She flings her hands in the air and brings them down into fists. “I don’t know how else to explain this. You’re a smart man, but right now, you’re beyond clueless.” “You’re right. I am clueless. So please explain this to me.” She sighs, turning away from me, and I notice the tremble in her shoulders. “I can’t explain it. There’s this feeling inside me that builds,” she explains and turns around, facing me, but keeping her distance. “It’s a yearning for more. You’re right. We have an amazing life together and I’m happy. The thing is our lives are on autopilot. There are no surprises or living carefree. At least with a baby we’ll always be on our toes and life will have more meaning.” “Look, I’m here now. Let’s go to the Hamptons and in two weeks I fly to London. Why don’t you come with me?” She shakes her head and lets out a breath. “And do what? Tour London without you? No thanks.” My temper gets the best of me. “I’m out of ideas, Shannon. Everything I suggest you throw away because it’s not what you want. Stop being so selfish and learn how to compromise.” “I don’t care anymore. I give up!” she screams and grabs her purse, storming out the door. I should go after her. But I don’t.



Shannon

I‘VE BEEN SITTING in the same spot for over an hour. At least it feels like it. Honestly, I have no idea what time it is or how long I’ve been stagnant. My white-knuckled grip on my cell phone becomes firmer. The panic in my chest expands, cultivates into a tight, suffocating hysteria. Is this my karma? “I’m so unhappy,” I cry into the phone, my hand trembling on my lap as I look out my car window toward the playground. The sound of children’s laughter fills my ears and more tears stream down my face. It’s an endless flow, and I hate these emotions. “All he does is work and expects me to play the nice and doting wife, always making sure the house is clean and dinner’s ready when he comes home. I don’t want this life anymore. It’s too quiet and predictable.” “Then why are you still with him? Babe, I can give you what you want. I have everything here for you. The house you fell in love with is ours. I’m signing the papers on Monday, and I’ll get it ready for us and our baby. Please, leave him and be with me.” The moment his voice registers, my breathing halts and nausea churns in my gut. The guilt’s eating away at me, leaving a hollow space that I know won’t be filled. My skin’s clammy and cool all at the same time. Sweat trickles down my forehead and pools at the base of my neck. His words cause my heart to beat erratically. I press a hand to my cheek, attempting to calm my breaths. I know it’s wrong to think this way. I have to focus on my marriage and understand where Logan’s coming from. He’s right. I’m upset because things aren’t going my way. I’m lashing out at him, hurting him with my words, and purposely pushing him to avoid confronting what I’ve done. All I’ve ever known is Logan. Our love has been through ups and downs, from high school, to college, to our engagement and wedding. We’ve built a wonderful life together. When we first met in the ninth grade, I couldn’t believe the star quarterback of the football team wanted to get to know me, the quiet bookworm. It was love at first sight. That quote is the biggest cliché, but it’s the truth. One night my twin sister and I went to one of the first games of the season. Logan was on the field and I was drawn to him. I’d heard about him in the halls and people talked about him all the time. I guess I never paid attention until that night. After his game, I went up to him and congratulated him on a great win. That smile he gave me nearly stopped my heart.

He took me home afterward, and instead of going to the party hosted by another player, we spent hours talking on the swing in the backyard. From that moment, we were inseparable. We were forever. “Are you there? Babe?” he frantically asks. The slight tremble of my hand on my thighs turns violent. The air in my chest constricts and I’m gasping for air. “I can’t leave him. I’m sorry. You filled a void and I’m so thankful for you, but my husband’s everything to me. I really think he’s willing to try and not take every day on autopilot.” I hear the pain in his shuddering sigh. This is killing him the way it’s killing me. In the short amount of time since I met him, I realize I am missing out on life, and that I love both men. But how? I place my hand on my stomach and look down with tears in my eyes. I know I have to do the right thing. Just because we’re fighting doesn’t mean I should leave the man who owns my heart and soul. Part of me knows this baby doesn’t belong to my husband, while the other part prays that the baby I’m carrying is his and we’ll be a family. It kills me I’ll never be able to tell him the truth. “I can’t do this anymore,” I whisper. “I love you, but I love him more.” “Babe! Please listen to me. We’re good together. I promise you I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of you and our baby.” “I’m not one hundred percent that the baby is yours…” “I don’t care,” he pleads. “Please don’t do this. Let me come there and take you away. I’m begging you. You and this baby are everything to me. Nothing else matters.” Sobs wrack my body. Guilt takes over. It consumes me. Loneliness is a strong emotion and I allowed that to blind me. As I’m sitting here, watching the kids play, and talking to the other man in my life, it hits me that Logan’s working his ass off for me and our future. He’s doing everything he can to ensure I’m happy and we can live comfortably. I hate that I cheated on him, but being alone with no one to talk to pushed me away. I allowed my loneliness and physical, sexual need to blind me. Now, I realize I’ve been selfish and not understanding to what Logan’s doing. He’s trying and I need to try, too. “I’m sorry. I need to be with my husband.” Without another thought, I disconnect the call, dry my tears, and start the fifteenminute drive home. We can get through this. I know we can. When I look at Logan, I see forever. I see my

future and where I want to be. Now that I’ve let go of the one thing holding me back, I can focus on my husband again. My marriage. Our love will survive this. We’re strong, and when I get home I’m going to tell him everything. I’m going to tell him the mistakes I’ve made and beg for him to forgive me because that’s what love is—love conquers all and love will prevail. My phone vibrates in my console and I know it’s him. Annie: Babe, please don’t do this. What we have is real. What we feel is forever.

I had to change his name so Logan wouldn’t question why I’m talking to a guy he doesn’t know. He’s not protective or insecure, but it’s what I had to do. Me: Please leave me alone. I’m sorry for these past few months. Annie: But I love you. Doesn’t that mean anything?

I never see the truck coming…

Chapter 1

Two Years Later

Logan

THE MUSIC PULSES through my body as my best friend, Lincoln Samson, orders a round of whiskey shots for us. “Fifty bucks she leaves with him in five minutes,” he says, tipping his chin in the direction of our friend, Cal Sorenson, who’s making the moves on a pretty brunette. “She won’t leave with him. Are you listening to his lines?” I laugh. “She’s only sticking around since he’s buying most of her drinks.” “I have faith in my man.” “I’m sure you do.” The bartender brings us our whiskey shots and since Cal’s too busy with the brunette, I take his shot and let the burning liquid slide down my throat. “Fuck, that’s good.” I raise my glass and the bartender acknowledges my request for another. In less than five minutes, she leaves Cal and heads to the dance floor to join her friends. I extend my hand and Lincoln mutters something under his breath before putting the cash in my hand. The crowd at the bar’s getting busier, which is typical for a Saturday night. A few women have come over to us, flirting, asking to dance, but I’m not here to take home a nameless woman. I’d only come to have some drinks with Lincoln and Cal before going home. Something catches my attention and I look toward the entrance of the bar and notice the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Her dark blonde hair spills in waves past her shoulders, and her tan, sun-kissed skin screams for my lips. The tiny black dress she has on makes my dick wake up. The plunging neckline shows off her amazing tits that’ll fit perfectly in my hands and the dress hits her mid-thigh. My eyes roam her long, toned legs and my cock wants to play.

The gorgeous woman is with someone else, who’s hot, as well, but not like the blonde goddess I have my eyes on. Both women walk over to the bar near us, and I notice Lincoln also checking them out before he turns his attention to them. “Two Washington Apple shots, please,” the blonde’s friend asks when she gets to the bar. “Make that four, Pat.” Lincoln taps the surface of the bar, sliding him cash, “and keep the change.” “Hi,” she purrs and winks at him. “Well, hello there. I’m Lincoln.” She licks her ruby lips. “Eden.” “Beautiful name,” he says in a low tone, holding her gaze, “for an obviously beautiful woman.” Lincoln moves closer to her and I notice that the one who caught my eye is looking at me. “Hi. I’m Logan.” She smiles, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Hannah. It’s nice to meet you, Logan.” “You, too.” She moves over by me, sits on the empty barstool to wait for her shot, and turns toward me. When her eyes meet mine, my breath hitches and my veins pulsate. Her clear, emerald eyes stare at me, and for the first time in two years, I want to get to know another woman for more than one night. When the shots come and we take them, Eden whispers in Hannah’s ear and walks away with Lincoln to the small dance floor. “Would you like to dance?” “Oh, no.” She laughs, waving her hands in front of her face. Damn, she’s adorable. The way she slightly tips her head down and her gaze moves back to me, hell, it’s driving me crazy. “And why’s that?” I laugh along with her. “Dancing?” She shakes her head, and covers her heart shaped mouth. “I can’t dance for anything. My mother put me in ballet and tap class when I was a little girl, and the instructor advised my parents I should look into something else. So I tried soccer and failed at that. I found that playing the piano and studying art were where I excelled. Plus… I have a boyfriend.” “I’m sorry, it’s really hard to hear you!” I shout. “What?”

The music’s loud and more people are surrounding us, making it damn near impossible to talk. “Do you wanna get out of here? The beach is really close by, and I’d like to continue this conversation outside so I can hear you.” “Yeah. For sure, let’s go. First lemme tell Eden so she doesn’t worry.” I watch her walk over to Eden and Lincoln. I’m following close behind and notice Lincoln’s eyes on me. He nods and I do the same, acknowledging what I’m about to do. It’s nothing serious. I’m curious about Hannah and want to take the conversation elsewhere, rather than at the bar. We walk in silence, and once we’re on the beach, Hannah grabs my forearm and I notice she’s taking off her shoes. “There’s no way I can walk on the sand with these on.” “Good idea.” I agree with her. Once her shoes are off, I reach over and grab them from her so she doesn’t have to worry about carrying them. “That’s sweet of you.” “No problem.” I turn and smile. “So back to our conversation. What did you say before about not dancing?” “Oh. I have a boyfriend.” “And what does that have to do with dancing?” She pushes me a little and I have to laugh at her effort to try and get me away from her. “It means,” she says with a playful tone while twirling her hand in the air as if she’s trying to find the words to say, “I love my boyfriend, and I don’t know… dancing can be so… seductive.” I lean down. “Only if you make it seductive,” I say as I whisper the last word and feel her tremble next to me. “I’m kidding. So what brings you to Rochester?” “I’m graduating this Friday and then we’re leaving Ohio to move here. Eden and I had to get some things done and settled before the big move.” “That’s great. Why don’t you take down my number and, when you’re settled, I can show you around?” She stops walking, and turns toward me. “You know what? That sounds like a good idea.” I hand her my phone and she puts in her number, then I send her a text so she has mine. “So, do you still play the piano?” “What?” She laughs and we go back to our walk down the beach.

“The piano. You were talking about that before we left the bar.” She shrugs. “Kinda. When my brother passed away, I lost the passion to play. We’d spend hours playing and coming up with our own tunes. Whenever I played, it felt as though… everything I was feeling inside, I released with my fingers. I got lost and was in my own world.” “I’m sorry about your brother.” I gently reach over and squeeze her hand. The moonlight’s hitting her perfectly, so I can see the blush in her cheeks deepening to a light crimson color. I’m not sure where the hell the gesture comes from. I don’t move my hand away. I leave it in hers and notice the way her body relaxes as my thumb sweeps across her soft skin. “I have no idea why I told you all of that.” She giggles again and it’s the prettiest sound to hit my ears. The melody of her giggle makes me want to continue to keep her laughing so I can listen to it all night. “I have this tendency to keeping talking and talking.” “I don’t mind. Please keep going.” “I’m not gonna spend all night talking about myself.” “Why?” I ask. “It’s weird. Why don’t you tell me about you?” “What about me?” I’m avoiding the subject of me. I’d much rather listen to her talk more, rambling on about whatever she wants, and I’ll be here listening. “Anything about you would be something rather than nothing.” “Before I get into myself why don’t we sit here?” I get down to my knees and feel the coolness of the sand, and hold my hand to help her sit down as well. When she does, I watch her curl her legs to the side, and she’s watching the waves of the lake. It’s peaceful out here tonight. “So?” she asks, turning back to me, and taking her finger to trace on the sand. “Not much to tell. I work at my father’s company overseeing the marketing and development department. I don’t have any siblings, I’ve lived in New York my whole life, specifically Victor.” “I can totally Google you or look you up on Facebook and find that out. Gimme something more. Something no one knows.” She sits up on her legs and leans over to place her warm palms on my chest. Determination to find out more about me is glowing in her eyes. Usually I’m not this open with a woman. But, with Hannah, it’s comfortable to talk to her. She genuinely wants to know more about me and who I am, rather than what I can do for her. I lean in close to her, smelling her sweetness, and hearing her breath hitch. “I hate cheese. Everything about it makes me sick. The smell. The texture. If I’m near cheese I’ll turn away and never look back.” She throws her head back, laughing, and for a

moment, I forget the shit in my life and feel freer being here with her. The air around us becomes cooler. Hannah shivers slightly, so I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her closer to me. My body’s fully aware of every move she makes and each time she presses closer to me. She’s a hurricane whirling into the bar, honing in on me, ripping open the part of me that has been closed for years. “We should head back. You’re freezing and I don’t want to keep you outside for long.” “Good idea,” she whispers, and I hear the chattering of her teeth. We get up and I place my arm around her shoulders again. This time the walk back to the bar is quiet. I don’t mind though. There’s something calming being with her. It’s strange, but welcoming. I’m wondering how one woman, one sweet and beautiful woman, can turn my night into something better. Something I want to keep going and not in the sense to take her to bed. I want to keep her talking, get to know her, listen to the melody of her voice and laugh until the sun comes up. I have so many questions in my head, questions I want to ask just so I can see her pouty, soft pink lips move. But, I can’t be selfish. Once we’re outside the bar, we’re standing in front of each other, neither of us moving, and under the dim light her eyes capture me, freezing me in my place. “Are you gonna come back inside or do you wanna go somewhere else.” The answer’s on the tip of my tongue. I take a step so I’m closer to her and reach over, tucking strands of her hair behind her ear. The warmth of her cheek as my hand brushes it makes my chest grow tight and I remember why it’s not a good idea to say yes. “I’m gonna head out,” I tell her, pulling my hand back to my side. “Be sure to text me when you’re back in town. Good luck with the move.” “It was nice meeting you,” she beams, making me want to stay here longer so I can talk to her more. “Yeah, you, too.” I let out a heavy sigh and watch her return to the bar. Before walking in, she peeks her head over her shoulder and gives me a small wave. Part of me wants to go back into the bar with her and just be with her, while the other part screams to get the hell out and go home. I don’t move from where I’m standing and when she’s back inside I call a cab from my cell phone. Within fifteen minutes, the cab pulls to the curb in front of my house. I climb out and hand the driver some cash through his open window, telling him to keep the change. The sound of his engine fades through the night air, leaving me at the end of my driveway, wishing like hell I could ask him to come back and keep chauffeuring me around. To nowhere in particular, just anywhere. Anywhere, but here.

I stand and stare at the dark and empty house. Dread consumes me, taunting and pushing me inside, into the cold, lonely space. It’s pulling me to come in and get lost in my own thoughts. The impending guilt slams against my chest, nearly leaving me breathless. I think about selling the house every day, but I can’t let it go. I shuffle my way up the walk and when I close the door behind me and pass through the empty rooms, in my mind, I hear her voice asking if it’s me. She’s coming toward me, with open arms, and once we’re molded together, I feel her lips against mine. It’s a fantasy, I tell myself. Just a fantasy. I throw open the glass slider and stumble onto the deck, hoping to find… something more, but I’m not sure what. The memories of Shannon remain in my mind. In the house, there’s nothing that reminds me of her, except a few pictures I leave in a box in my closet. I had Lincoln and Cal take down everything that reminded me of her. Everything was devoid of her. Needless to say, my parents were worried, same with my friends, and they pushed me to go to therapy. I went for a few sessions and stopped. It was too hard to talk about her and take in all the pain again. I buried myself in work, and at night there were nameless women and alcohol that satisfied me. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I take it out and see that it’s a text from Lincoln. Lincoln: Please tell me you didn’t leave this hot ass chick for Paige. Me: I didn’t. Lincoln: Why’d you leave? Me: Just did. Lincoln: Hannah’s asking about you. Maybe you should think about getting to know her more and move on. Me: She has a boyfriend. No point. Lincoln: Not trying to sound like an asshole, but the way she’s talking about you, asking for more info, is telling me she forgot her boyfriend’s name. Look man, I love you and hate seeing you down. You’re at home, remembering the past. You need to stop torturing yourself and think about moving on.

Instead of responding I put my phone back into my pocket, and think about the possibility of moving on. Hannah’s smile comes to me and I’m not sure how I should be feeling. Then I remember she has a boyfriend and I don’t know much about her. She’ll be a friend - someone to hang out with. Because it doesn’t matter how much fun she is to be around or how I feel when I hear her laugh and see her smile. No one will be Shannon.

Chapter 2

Logan

THE DARK, AMBER liquid stares at me with a seductive smile and streams over my tongue with an addictive flavor. It flows easily with each movement of my hand, swirling around the glass, capturing my sight, and yearning for my lips. Each sip represents an escape route from my own head. It creates a path, a trail I can follow, where I forget and my world turns black. It’s the only thing I can count on to take me away from the memories that haunt me. I need to drink more. When the pain becomes unbearable, which happens regularly, I escape with whiskey, my own personal taste of purgatory. The comforting numbness pushes aside reality and, for that moment, I forget about her. My mind goes numb to her smile and how she would make me weak with desire and love. I go blank about the man I used to be; I forget her. I simply forget. “Logan,” she purrs and slides her hand down my abdomen before unbuttoning my jeans. She props herself on top of the bed and leans over to me. “I want to make you happy. Let me take it all away.” “Less talking,” I mumble in my alcohol-induced fog and gladly welcome her warm mouth around my dick. “Do what you want.” Placing my hands behind my head, I watch her greedy lips slide down over my cock. Sucking and licking. The slurping sounds fill my ears and I see some spit pooling around her lips. I reach over and grab the bottle of whisky from the nightstand, bring it to my lips, and drown myself as the dry liquid lights up my throat with that burn I love so much. It’s all too familiar and I welcome it. This is where I’m comfortable. It’s the only place I don’t have to face the pain or guilt. My body’s weightless and the guilt is gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.

I open my eyes and her head is bobbing up and down on my erection. Her tongue swirls around the tip before going down again, so far down I hit the back of her throat. “Shannon, babe, keep going.” She tilts her head, sucks the tip, and grabs my balls with her hand. Her growls vibrate on my dick and it feels so damn good. “Almost there,” I mutter, and I fist my fingers in her hair and push her head down lower. When her silky, wet throat strokes me again, she starts gagging while tightly gripping the tops of my thighs. She pulls away from my cock and stares up at me, her breaths coming in short pants. “You called me Shannon.” I quickly blink. My vision focuses and I’m staring at Paige-not Shannon. Leaning my head against the cool, wooden headboard, I let out a regretful sigh and furiously rub my face. “Shit. I’m sorry, Paige.” When Paige came back to town a year after I lost Shannon, she gave me someone to turn to. She fully understood my pain. Not only did I lose my wife and other half, she lost her sister and her best friend. We shared a pain no one understood. Losing Shannon was our connection. One night, I was on a drinking bender, and when I got home, I saw Paige outside my house. My mind went blank and I thought it was Shannon. Without thinking, I took her inside my house and fucked her against the wall. From that night on, we came up with an agreement. For two fucked-up people, we’re made for each other. There’s no love or tender shit. We use each other for our own selfish pleasures. It’s a simple arrangement we have. I comfort her the only way I know how, and she gives me what I need. For the time I’m with Paige, I’m with Shannon too, and as fucked up as it all seems, it’s the only thing I know how to do. “It’s okay.” She runs her fingers down my chest. “I already told you I’m fine with you calling me by her name. If it helps you take away the sadness, then that makes me happy.” Before I can say anything, her mouth returns to my cock and I close my eyes, pushing away Paige’s face and voice from my head. Shannon—all I see is her. She’s all I feel. She’s all I want. Her sleek, black hair covers her face, so I gather it in a ponytail. I can’t take my eyes off her. Her mouth covers my cock again and I use the grip I have on her hair to control the speed and how far I want her to go down. “Shannon, I’m almost there,” I moan, and a second later I shoot my load down her throat and keep her there until she swallows every last drop. She willingly takes it all, and when I let her go, she gives my cock a final look before straightening herself up.

“God, I fucking love you, Logan.” Realization hits me again. Paige. Paige. Paige. “Not tonight.” I push her away and swing my legs over the bed, sitting up to avoid her stare. My feet land on the cool hardwood floor, and I sit on the edge of the bed, prop my forearms on my thighs, and let out a violent sigh. I feel her intense gaze on me so I quickly get up and grab my jeans and tee lying on the floor. Once I have my clothes on, I lean down to the nightstand and take the glass of whiskey with me. When I bring the glass to my lips, I tip it back until the last drop hits my tongue. Without looking down at Paige, I walk away from the bed and head toward the kitchen to pour myself another glass of whiskey. The creaking of the hardwood floor grows closer. She wraps her warm, tiny arms around my middle from behind and I let her hold me for a few moments. Right now, standing here with her, not seeing her face, reminds me of Shannon and how she’d feel. “Why can’t you love me the way I love you?” she asks softly while pressing her lips against my shoulder. The pleading in her voice isn’t new. “I can give you the life you want. The life we deserve. You know I can make you happy. I’ve seen you at the lowest and I still love you and want you. I’ve shown you I can handle you at your worst, so please gimme your best.” She’s loved me since we were younger. I thought the crush was innocent and would go away. As time went on, I saw she wasn’t going anywhere and her crush had turned into more, only I refused to love her. I couldn’t love her. My heart doesn’t belong to her. It’ll never belong to anyone again. I gently pull her arms away and turn to face her. “Don’t do this tonight.” “I need to understand what this is between us.” “This is an agreement between us as a way to heal. I’m sorry I can’t love you the way you want me to. I care about you, Paige. This is all I can give you. I’m not sure how else to be or what to do.” I press my finger to my heart a few times and ball my fist, hitting my chest once more. “My heart’s too fucked up.” Paige immediately looks down at her hands and nods. Slowly, she tips her head up to me. “It’s fine.” Her voice is small, and with a kiss on my hands, she shuffles away to get ready for her shift at a nearby bar. “Paige?” I head to the bathroom but the sight of her wiping her eyes has me stopping in the doorway. I hate being like this to her.

Yet I am anyway. It’s what I know. “I’m fine,” she mutters and rubs her eyes with both hands. “Don’t act like you’re the only one in pain. It hurts me, too, you know? This is the second year without her and you’re acting like it doesn’t hurt me, too. I have just as much guilt as you do. But we have each other and that’s what matters, so don’t push me away. I’ve been the only person by your side.” “Yeah,” I agree with her. “Maybe someday you’ll love me, Logan.” “Being with you is already fucked up. Let’s not add to it.” “All I want is for you to want me. To love me. To let me in. I can make you feel better.” Her fingers run through my hair, but I keep my arms by my sides, my hands balling into fists. “Stop,” I warn her. “I already told you how I feel. Don’t push me, Paige. Tonight’s not the night.” “Okay. Fine. I need to get to work. Thirsty Thursday. I guess that’s what the cool kids are calling it these days.” I know she’s trying to lighten the mood between us. “Yeah. I guess.” She lets go of me and walks over to the sink in her bathroom. Neither of us says anything and I’m not sure if there’s anything left to say. “I’m sorry,” I honestly tell her, and I turn so I’m looking at her reflection in the mirror. “After tonight we should stop. This isn’t healthy for either of us. I need to learn how to move on with my life and you deserve happiness. We can’t keep doing this to each other.” “I need you just as much as you need me.” She spins around to face me, curling her fingers over the edge of the sink behind her, and maintaining her focus on me. “I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll be whoever you need me to be. It’s just us, Logan.” “I can’t.” I’m not a bad guy. I can’t give her what she wants. I can’t give any woman what they want. This is who I am and who I’ve grown to be over the past two years. I give her a nod and let her get ready. The car keys are on the counter, and I realize I should go home before she comes out of the bathroom wanting to talk more. Fumbling with my steps, I grip the counter and let my head hang low. My breathing quickens and my heart breaks again. It shatters and I miss her. I miss it all. “Come on.” I feel her hand on my shoulder. “I’ll drive you home in your car. Melissa’s gonna pick me up from there.” “Let’s go.” I grab my things and head out, following her down the stairs of her apartment building.

Once we’re outside, the cool May air relaxes me and I can breathe. I savor the light wind against my skin. It filters in through my nose, trails down into my lungs, and fills me with a deep sense of unusual peace. The drive to my house is quick. Neither of us talks. What more is there to say? She knows where I stand. When she parks my car, I turn to look at her, taking in her features. Her dark eyes and smooth skin—fuck, I can’t see straight. I know it’s Paige, but I see someone else. I feel someone else. She leans over the center console and whispers against my lips. “I’ll call you tomorrow morning. I’m working late tonight, but if you need me, you know where to find me.” There’s a pause before she speaks again. “Be good, Logan.” We’re both out of my car when Melissa pulls in, Paige walks over, and climbs into her vehicle. I watch them leave and then I continue to stand in the middle of my driveway, staring at nothing, hearing nothing, feeling nothing. As usual, the house is quiet when I go inside. There’s no one here to greet me or ask me how I’m doing. Maybe this is karma greeting me with a vengeful smile, letting me know this is what I put Shannon through, so now it’s my turn to feel the absolute pain of being alone. Leaning back on the couch, I stare at the empty beige walls. If I keep staring maybe the answers I’m looking for will come to me. Maybe everything I’m feeling is actually a nightmare and when I wake up I’ll turn over and see Shannon smiling at me. I keep staring at the walls. Those damn clean walls. I lose the staring contest and what I’m looking for doesn’t come to me. I’m still here… in the present… without Shannon. I miss it all. Now, all I feel is emptiness and cold. I feel hollow and the weight of guilt from that night. I’m alone in my own personal hell. Drowning in its fiery depths, struggling for my next breath. I welcome the pain. I fucking need the pain. Not wanting to sit here anymore, I get up, and head outside where I can try to clear my head. Memories hit me like a semitruck, and I’m tossed backward when I walk down the stairs of my deck, and stand on the edge of my pool. The silent night greets me as I look down at the clear water. The humidity in the air clings onto its invisible strings, swinging through the beauty of the night. I lift my face to the night sky, watching the stars remain, and wonder if Shannon’s looking down at me. Wherever she is, I hope she’s at peace. My phone vibrates in my pocket, bringing me out of my own mind. When I reach in to get it, I notice the name flashing on my iPhone. All the anxiety I’m feeling slowly dissipates, and there’s a calmness resting on my shoulders. I take a few moments to look at her name, taking it in, and unlock my phone to read her text message. Hannah: Hey stranger. Whatcha up to? Me: Hey. Nothing too much. Just got home. Hanging out. What are you doing? Hannah: Doing a little pre graduation celebrating! Eden and me are out with some friends. Can you believe

that in less than 24 hours I’ll be a college graduate? Me: That’s awesome. It’s a great accomplishment. I wish I could be there and cheer for you.

I hesitate to press send. Why would I be there on her graduation? My eyes slowly run over each word. Internalizing the meaning. Internalizing what I want it to mean. Without any more thinking I press send and get an instant response. Hannah: Aw, that’s so sweet. How about once I get settled in you can take me out for a celebratory dinner lol. Me: Sounds good. Hannah: Eden’s giving me the stink eye so I should probably get going. I’ll see you soon! Me: See ya. Be safe tonight. Hannah: Of course!



Chapter 3

Hannah Logan: Hey. I just wanted to make sure you made it home okay. Me: Actually I’m just walking up the stairs and to my bedroom. Logan: It’s almost three. Party hard? Me: A little. But I’m not drunk or anything. Me and the girls spent most of the night talking about what we’re gonna do next and promise to keep in touch. Logan: At least you have Eden. Me: Of course. I wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s the sister I never had. Haha. Why are you still up? Logan: I woke up a few minutes ago. Can’t sleep. Me: Everything okay? Logan: For the most part. Just got a lot on my mind. Me: I know we hardly know each other, but if you need to talk or anything I’m a great listener. Logan: Something happened a few years ago and I can’t let it go. I don’t want to get too much into it. Me: I understand. Whatever happened, I know that pain doesn’t have an expiration date. If you need more time to heal then you take that time. What I’ve learned is when we feel alone, hurt, or angry the best thing to do is give yourself time to heal and never rush it. Some people need a few extra days. Some need months. And some need years. But, regardless of the time needed, it will get easier. Logan: You think so? Me: I truly believe that we’re not meant to dwell on the sadness. What we experience in life helps us grow and empowers us to move forward and do something good in our life. Logan: Is it okay if we have moments of weakness? When we’re drowned by the memories and can’t find a way out. Me: Yes. We’re human and we feel. The pain you’re feeling is letting you know you’re alive and that one day it will get easier. Whenever we’re in pain, it’s best to think of one good thing in your life, and focus on that. Focus on the great things, and it’ll get easier. Logan: I hope so. Me: It will. Logan: Thank you for your advice. I’m gonna try to get some sleep and you should do the same since you’re graduating in a few hours. Me: Ugh. Yeah. For some odd reason we have to be there by 10 and then my grad party’s starting at 2. It’s gonna be a long day. Logan: I hope you have a great graduation ceremony and party. Me: Thank you! Sweet dreams. Logan: Sweet dreams.





GRADUATING COLLEGE IS a milestone most adults savor. It’s the day we’re given a new path to venture. This adventure is supposed to shape us into adults and further what we want in life. All our hard work pays off when we walk across the stage, accept our diploma, and turn to face our family members in the audience as they cheer our name. It’s one of the best moments of our lives. After years of studying, prepping for exams, gaining weight, making friends, and building relationships, the future is here. People think about that day, but when it happens, they’re not prepared for the emotions that accompany leaving. It’s like a baby bird finally leaving its nest for the first time. It’s time to spread its wings and fly, and pray that a hawk doesn’t attack it and take it down into the darkness. My parents are throwing me an intimate graduation party at our home. We’re surrounded by close family and friends. I didn’t want anything too fancy, against my mother’s wishes. To her, graduating college is a tremendous accomplishment and should be celebrated for the world to hear. Honestly, I want to spend this time with the ones who mean the most to me since I’m moving out of state and won’t have chances like these as often as I’d like. The wineglasses clink, and everyone wishes me the best on the next chapter of my life. “I’m going to miss you so much,” my mom cries, and pulls me into her chest for a hug. “Be sure to come home every now and then, okay?” “I promise, Mom.” Next, it’s my dad, and of course he does the protective dad speech about stranger danger, and always carrying mace. I roll my eyes and lean on his shoulder. “I’m twenty-two,” I remind him, and he presses his warm, dry lips to my forehead. “It doesn’t matter if you’re fifty years old. To me, you’ll always be my little girl. No matter what happens, this is your home and will always be your home. I know things haven’t been easy, and I can’t thank you enough for helping your mom and me. We should’ve been the parents, not you. I’m so sorry we put you in that position.” A tear runs down my cheek and I nod, understanding his words. The day our lives were turned upside down, it was my turn to take care of my parents and be the strong one. I got through it. We all got through it. “We’re family, Dad. I did what I had to, and I don’t regret it. You and Mom took care of me while I was growing up. It was my turn, and whatever you need, I’m only four hours away. I’ll be sure to come back often and visit.”

“I know, but this is your time, sweetheart. Spread your wings, and remember that you always have a place here. Don’t forget that we’re cheering you on. Always.” “Thanks, Dad,” I whisper and look around the room before checking my watch for the time. “I wonder where Aaron is.” I take out my phone, but I don’t see any missed calls or messages, so I send him a text message asking him if he’s on the way. I put my phone away and I walk around and talk to my cousins for a few minutes, thanking them for coming over, and we catch up with our plans. I excuse myself to check my phone and there’s still nothing from Aaron. It’s not like him to not text me back. “Still no word from Aaron?” my mom asks. “No. I’m getting kinda worried. He should be here by now. Will it be okay if I go over to his apartment and make sure he’s okay?” “Yeah, honey, that’s fine. If you need anything, just call.” I nod and pardon myself from the party and mouth to Eden, my best friend, that I’ll be back. When I grab my clutch and car keys from the counter, the doorbell rings, and I quickly answer it. “Good afternoon. Delivery for Hannah Harris?” I raise my hand in the air. “That’s me.” I eye the beautiful bouquet of pink and white lilies. “My goodness. Please come in. The flowers can go on the counter,” I instruct him. While he’s putting down the bouquet, I unzip my clutch and pull out a ten dollar bill and hand it to him. “Thank you , miss. Have a great day.” “You as well.” Eden pops over and snatches the card from the flowers before I can. She reads the message, tilts her head to look at me, and reads the card again. “Eden?” She hands me the card without saying anything and leans back against the kitchen counter, putting her champagne glass to her lips, and taking a long drink. I read the glossy card and my mouth slightly drops. Congratulations on your graduation day. I’ll see you soon. Logan “Whoa.” “Are you sure nothing happened that night between you two?” I shake my head.

“Damn.” “I know,” I mutter. “I wonder how he found out my address. I never gave it to him. So weird.” I gaze at the flowers, reaching over, and running my fingers through the smooth petals. “Okay. I need to go.” I rush out of my house and pull out my phone before sliding into my car and starting the engine. Me: I just got the flowers. They’re beautiful. Thank you so much. How’d you know my address? LOL. Stalker much? Logan: Google is a wonderful tool. Me: I never told you my last name though. I’m worried about your stalker tendencies. Maybe I should change my number and not move to NY. Logan: Haha. It helps that my best friend is talking to your best friend. He told me what I needed to know. Me: I need a new best friend then. HA. Just kidding. But, thank you again. Honestly. That was so sweet of you. Logan: My pleasure. How’d your ceremony go? Me: Lovely. I’m actually leaving my party for a few minutes. I haven’t heard from my boyfriend since the ceremony ended so I’m gonna head over to his place to see if everything’s okay. Logan: Hope so. No texting and driving. I’ll talk to you soon. Me: K! Talk soon.

Driving about ten minutes to Aaron’s apartment, I turn on the radio and one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs, “I Knew You Were Trouble,” blares from the speakers. At the stop light, with the windows down, I belt out the chorus and throw my own little concert for the car next to mine. “Keep singing, girl!” I turn to the side and see a car full of women cheering and singing with me. “Yeah!” I yell. The light turns green and I wave bye. I bounce in my car seat and continue driving to Aaron’s. He’s probably on a call or on his computer doing work. I swear he’s a workaholic. It’s one of the things I love about him. He’s career driven, like I am. We talk about the future and are ready to move forward. It’s exciting to think about what’s next for us. The biggest smile is on my face, like the kind where you show your pearly whites and there’s that certain sparkle in your eyes. Yeah, that smile. When I get to Aaron’s apartment complex, I notice his silver Audi convertible in his parking spot. I walk to the door and use my key to enter the building and walk to the elevator, pressing the cool up button and wait for the doors to open. The elevator door opens after a few seconds and I step in and press the number five on the wall and wait. The ding alerts me and I walk off and head toward Aaron’s apartment. I’m humming the Taylor Swift song when I use my key to open the door and step inside. When the door opens, I choke on the sob that’s stuck in my throat. I can’t believe what I see in front of me. My chest tightens and I quickly slap my hand over my mouth.

What is love? That wonderful feeling should be about honesty, commitment, and tender moments, right? When you give your heart away to that one person you see as your life partner, heartbreak like this isn’t supposed to happen. Am I being naive? Is my world so sheltered that I don’t realize how awful heartbreak can be? Why does love push a hand into your chest, searching for your heart, squeezing the life out of you, and watches you cry, and listens to you scream. “Fuck. Hannah!” Aaron shouts, and yanks his boxers and jeans that were crumpled around his ankles. I got him those jeans. Those very expensive jeans, ones I thought would look so nice on him. I look up and see him putting on a light gray sweater. I got him that sweater, too. It was his birthday a few months ago. The big twenty-eight. I spent so much time planning his surprise party at ONE nightclub, inviting his friends and making sure everyone had a great night. I gave up a night of studying for a major test just so he had fun on his birthday. He walks toward me and I look around him, over his shoulder to see the unknown girl cover herself with a blanket that I also bought him when he got this apartment. We spent so many nights under that cozy, baby-blue blanket on the couch, watching movies, cuddling, and whispering our love to one another. Who is she? Is she better than me? She has to be. Her legs had been high in the air as he fucked her hard. Aaron was never like that with me. When we made love, it was romantic and gentle. He kept his eyes on me and whispered how much I meant to him, and that one day I’d be his wife. “Four years,” I mutter, and watch him rush toward me. “Four years,” I cry out again, and his sweltering hands squeeze my waist. “Why?” “Baby, please. I need you to listen to me, okay?” His voice shakes with fear and his brows furrow a little as he drags his hands from my waist to my face. His grip on my jaw gets a little tighter. “This was nothing. Jane and I got caught up in the moment. I am so sorry, Hannah. Baby, please look at me and say something.” “Jane? Your assistant?” I screech and remember him telling me about her. I thought they were friends. I thought she had a boyfriend. “Was she better than me?” “No, no, not -” I hiccup and fling his hands from my body. “She had to have been, right? You never touched me like that. You never said those things to me.” I sob, placing my hand over my lips and my other hand over my chest. “I gave you everything. All of me. We were supposed to start our life together.” I close my eyes, remembering last night when he told me he’ll be moving next month with me. We were going to live with Eden, and he was going to get us a house the

following year. “I’m so sorry,” he cries and cups my face with treacherous hands. I stay still. My body is frozen, unable to turn and leave his apartment. My attention turns to Jane as I catch her slinking toward the door. “Don’t you dare leave.” She stops and turns around, one slow step at a time. Her gaze searches for Aaron’s then she drops her head and stares at the floor. “I-I’m really sorry,” she apprehensively mumbles. “You knew about me. I called the office several times and we talked. You asked me how we were doing. You were so sweet whenever I called, and now I come over and find you being fucked by my boyfriend? In what universe is this alright ?” “Jane, please just fucking go!” Before I can say anything more, Jane stumbles out the door. My back remains to Aaron. I can’t look him. “You have to know how sorry I am and how I know I fucked up. We’re going to start our life together, Hannah, just like we always planned, okay? It’s just you and me, baby. Forever.” When I hear the word “forever” something in me snaps. Before I know it, I whirl around and my fist connects with his cheek. His head snaps to the side and he quickly recovers. The anger rises and all I want to do is hit him so he feels the pain I’m feeling. My fists are pounding on his chest. Aaron tries blocking my assault. He grabs me, throws me over his shoulder and stalks from the living room and into his bedroom. “Stop,” he roars and tosses me on his bed. “Just stop!” “Me stop? Are you fucking serious?” My eyes are burning with resentment. I get up and push him away. “Why, Aaron?” “I don’t know,” he mutters. “I’m not sure why I did that to you. I got caught up in the moment and I know that isn’t an excuse. It happened and I’m fully aware I’ve fucked up.” “You think?” “Can we please talk?” “Absolutely not,” I scream. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a framed picture of us on his nightstand. That picture is my favorite. We’re standing on the beach, holding each other, and he’s kissing my temple. I’m beaming from his kiss and we’re so happy. I grab the frame, smash it against his nightstand, and toss it on his bedroom floor. “Hannah,” he whispers, and I see him sitting on the floor with his back to the wall. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”

“It’s not enough. There will never be words that will make this better. Cheating is something I can’t forgive and forget. If I didn’t walk in would you have told me?” “I don’t know,” he mutters. “I was going to ask you to marry me tomorrow morning. You know, before you left for New York.” His words resound in my ears. If I didn’t catch him with Jane, those words would make my heart sing. I’d jump over the sun and moon. Those words play on in my head, a direct hit to my heart and soul. I’ve longed for those words for so long, and now he’s tainted them with memories of Jane’s legs in the air as he fucked her like a maniac. I sit down on the edge of his bed, my fingers tangled together, trying to hold back the tears. I’m too wrapped up in hearing Jane’s moans that I don’t hear Aaron getting up and bending down to me. His hands are on mine. I can’t move. I can’t do anything. “Talk to me,” he murmurs, and places his head on my lap. “There’s nothing to say. It’s over, Aaron,” I calmly tell him. “I’ve forgiven you so many times over the years and this time I can’t forgive you. This is something I can’t forgive or forget. This is something we won’t be able to overcome. It’s over.” “Fuck no,” he cries. “No, don’t say that. Please, Hannah.” His tears fall to my hands as his head rests on my lap. I find my own tears falling. As angry as I am, my heart’s broken. The betrayal’s killing me. I pull my hands from beneath his head and comb my fingers through his thick hair. Hot, unshed tears sting my eyes. The voice inside my head screams to get the hell out and never look back. My body and mind aren’t connecting. I want to stay and be in this moment one more time because I know I’m leaving as soon as I’m able to. It hurts too much to be here, knowing he cheated on me. The images of him fucking Jane imprint in my memory. I’ll never forget. I look down and my fingers are moving on its own accord. I used to love this so much, the softness of his strands sifting through my fingers, the way my petting would release the scent of his shampoo, the sound of his slowing breaths. It brought me comfort. As always his warm body relaxes in my lap; he sighs. But I ignore the urge to comfort him further. Instead, I rake my fingers through his hair one last time, savoring this moment, and swallow the painful lump in my throat. “Good… goodbye, Aaron.” I push him aside and rush from the apartment. When I’m outside, I let out a breath and see the sun dipping down into the horizon and bright colors of yellow, orange, and pink spray along the skyline. It’s peaceful out here and it gives me clarity. The clarity I need in order to know I’m better than that. Jane can have Aaron. I’m moving on.

Chapter 4

Hannah

SWEAT TRAILS DOWN my face and my stomach churns and smolders with acid. Everything I eat or drink has no taste. My skin’s clammy and my heart won’t slow down. I exhale a trembling breath and try to remember the importance of breathing. I shouldn’t sit here and feel sorry for myself. No. Why should I? It’s not my fault the love of my life cheated on me and I can’t get him off my mind. It’s not my fault he took our relationship and threw it off a cliff, watching it fall into the depths of the hazardous rocks, thrashing and striking the serrated edges. But I feel like this is my fault. The numbness comes back. Actually, I don’t think it’s ever left. I feel like I’m dreaming, as if when I wake up, Aaron will ask me to marry him and we’ll ride off into the sunset and live our happily ever after. Only I know this isn’t a dream. It’s a nightmare. A paralyzing nightmare, consuming my every thought and pulling out my every insecurity. “Do I need to call up Uncle Sal?” Eden giggles, breaking up the tension. I press the glass of wine to my lips and let it linger for a moment. “Will he feed Aaron to the sharks?” “Oh, yeah. That’s his specialty. Plus, no one would ever find him.” I throw my head back in amusement, and then finish my drink. The red wine is smooth and crisp. I’m not a big red wine drinker, but tonight calls for something stronger. Not strong like vodka or tequila. Lord, if I were taking shots I’d drunk dial Aaron and tell him we’ll be fine and I forgive him. Those drinks are dangerous with a capital D. It makes people crazy and they end up doing things they normally don’t do. “Seriously, you haven’t said too much since you got back. What can I do for you?” Since coming back home, I’ve put on a fake smile and thanked my extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins for coming over to wish me luck and for their congratulations. As soon as they left, I broke down in my mom’s arms, and Eden held me while my dad paced the family room, cursing Aaron’s name. My parents stayed with me

and Eden for a few hours before I told them to go to sleep and that I was going to be okay. They knew I was lying, but went to bed anyway since I was with Eden. “You’re doing it,” I tell her. Eden has been my best friend since we tried to get Ben Urdane’s attention in the sixth grade. He was dating both of us at the same time, and when we found out, we came up with a plan to humiliate him. During lunch, he sat with his friends, and when we went to his table, the look on his face was priceless. I poured chocolate milk over his head, and Eden dumped her ketchup and mustard soaked fries in his lap. We got detention for a week, and we’ve been best friends ever since then. “Why do I miss him?” I cry, sit up from the lounger, and cross my legs. Burying my face in my hands, I murmur, “I miss him so much, but I fucking hate him.” Eden takes a seat next to me, wraps her thin arms around me, and rocks me back and forth. Memories of what Aaron and I shared hits me like a freight train, and the sobs wrack my body. “Why?” “You miss the way it feels to have someone you love holding you and kissing you. You miss the comfort it brings when being in a relationship. Four years is a long time. The both of you grew together and have so many memories. This sadness you’re feeling won’t go away any time soon, so as your best friend I’ll let you be sad for a little bit. When I feel as though you’re ready to mingle, I’ll slap you across the face and dress you up so you can shake it,” she calmly says, stroking my hair. “I don’t wanna shake it,” I mutter, trying hard not to laugh. “Girl, you have an ass that makes straight women like me think about turning lesbian. Seriously.” “It’s those squats.” She laughs. “Amen, sister. Afreakingmen.” “I gave him my heart and soul. We were talking about getting married,” I tell her in between my sobs. “How am I going to be okay?” “You just are,” Eden insists. She releases me and puts her hands on my shoulders so we’re looking at one another. “You’re going to be sad for a while. Aaron played a huge part in your life, but it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be sad. Still, try not to let it consume you, Hannah. You’re so much stronger and so much better than that.” “I wasn’t enough.” “No.” Eden shakes me a little. “You’re better than him. He’s a weak motherfucker. He’s a fucking pussy and doesn’t fucking deserve you.” I can hear the anger in her voice and the sharp meaning of everything she’s saying. It’s hard to believe. People cheat when something’s missing. What I don’t understand is what

was missing from our relationship. We had a healthy sex life—having sex almost every day, or I’d give him a blow job. Sure, it was innocent and one position, but he never initiated for more. So what am I missing? Obviously, he’s getting everything from Jane. She’s giving into his wildest fantasies, while I’m the tame, and innocent girlfriend. Jane’s the side piece he can fuck and screw, and I’m the one he makes love to. My phone vibrates and I look down to see it’s another text message from Aaron. “Do you want me to tell him off and to leave you alone?” I shake my head, unlock my phone, and press the text-message icon to open his texts. Aaron: Baby, please come back and talk to me. I’m begging you. Aaron: I don’t know how to make this better. Please tell me how to make this better. Please. Aaron: I love you so much. Do you remember our first anniversary? I brought you to the beach, had all those candles lit, and dinner in the picnic basket. I made love to you and told you how much you meant to me. That night I gave you my heart and you gave me a piece of you no one else will have.

I hold back the sobs. I vividly remember that night. Aaron McKnight noticed me when he had so many girls vying for his attention. He was an amazing baseball player in high school and went off to Ohio State to play. Whenever he came to the school to help the coaches during practice and cheer for the team at games, everyone went crazy. It was the middle of my senior year and he came back to school to help the coaches with the baseball team. The McKnights were a well-known family, and I only saw Aaron here and there. We didn’t hang out with the same people since he was so much older than me and I was the quiet nerd. I was on the bleachers, watching Eden’s lacrosse practice, and he sat next to me while I did my homework. From that moment, I was in love, and he took me out on our first date. It was simple. We went out for pizza and got to know each other. One date led to another, and on the third date we made it official. Coming back to the now, I read the last two text messages. Aaron: I know what I did is wrong. So fucking wrong. Baby, I love my life with you. Our life. It can still be ours. Aaron: I’m never going to stop loving you, Hannah Harris. Never. Me: Why her? Why did you do it?

I see the three ellipses on my phone and stare at our conversation, waiting for his

response. The ellipses disappear, but there’s no message. “What the fuck?” I mutter and see the damn things again. Don’t people know how nerve-racking it is to wait for a damn message? Aaron: I got caught up in the moment with her. She started kissing me, and I don’t know, I lost it. I had no idea what I was doing until you walked in on us. Me: Were you not satisfied with me? Aaron: Fuck! No! Hannah you’re everything to me. EVERYTHING. I got caught up with her. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to do or say to make this better. Me: There’s nothing you can say to make this better. Aaron: I know. I know I’ve lost you, but I won’t stop fighting for you. I love you, Hannah. So fucking much.

“Why’s he doing this?” I cry, dropping my phone onto the lounger and letting the tears freely fall. “I miss him so much.” “I know,” Eden calmly tells me. “I know.” “When will it stop hurting?” “When you find someone else to make you scream and moan.” She winks, and for the first time since finding out about Aaron, I’m laughing. Yeah, we’ll see if that happens. When Eden leaves to go back home, I take this moment to reflect on what happened with Aaron. “I can do this without you,” I whisper in the dark. Once I check the house and make sure the doors are locked, I shut off the lights and make my way upstairs to my bedroom. I close the door and change into shorts and a cami before slipping under the covers and taking out my phone so I can scroll through my playlist and find the perfect girl power song. It doesn’t take me long, so I slip in my earbuds and let the music take me away. As I’m scrolling through my phone, I notice a new text message on the icon and see it’s from Logan. He’s asking how I’m doing. The message came a few hours ago. I’m debating if I should text him back or not. Letting out a shaky breath, I type out a message and press send. Me: Hey. Hope it’s not too late to text. We’re heading to Victor tomorrow and I’m coming back single.

I notice the ellipses and know he’s typing a message back to me. Logan: Are you okay?

Me: I will be. There’s a lot I can handle, but cheating, no, that’s something I can’t forgive. Logan: The asshole cheated on you? Me: With his personal assistant! And she knew about me. Classic, huh? And to make it better he told me he was gonna ask me to marry him. Icing on the fucking cake. Logan: He’s an asshole. Don’t cry over him. If someone’s that stupid to cheat on someone as beautiful as you, then he doesn’t deserve you.

I sit up on my bed and reread his message. My face burns from him saying I’m beautiful and I’m not sure how to process it. If there’s anything to process. He’s saying it to be nice. I let out a sigh and lay back down. Me: Well, whatever. It is what it is. Logan: It’s not whatever or it is what it is. You’re hurt. Me: Of course I am. I’m hurt. I’m upset. I feel betrayed. There are so many emotions running through me. I feel like Taylor Swift… Logan: The singer? Me: Yep. Logan: I don’t follow. Me: She’s this super sweet and beautiful girl with so much talent. Yet, she’s been in a lot of relationships and gets her heartbroken. Then she writes songs about the breakup. Maybe I should do that. Logan: You can come up with a song and play on the piano. I’d listen to it. Me: I’m sure you’d be the only person. Honestly, I can’t shake off the feeling that I’m not good enough. Logan: I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but from what I know you’re worth it. Any man would be lucky. All because it didn’t work out that doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of love. Me: You sound like Eden haha. Thank you though. I’m trying not to have a pity party. I hate dwelling on things I can’t change. Logan: You have every right to be upset and hurt. Don’t spend all your days wondering what you did wrong, when in reality you didn’t do anything wrong, and he’s the one who lost someone great. Me: I get it. Trust me I do. Just sucks… Logan: Perfectly normal. Me: Relationships are overrated. Men suck. Logan: I don’t suck. Me: You have a point. Who knows, maybe you’re the rare type. Logan: You’ll have to find out for yourself. Me: Sounds like a fun challenge. Logan: When you’re settled in tomorrow, the four of us should hang out. Me: I think Eden talked to Lincoln tonight and he said the same. haha. It’s getting late and honestly I’m so tired. I’ll text you when I get into town. Logan: Sounds good. Sweet dreams, Hannah. Me: Sweet dreams, Logan.



Chapter 5

Logan

I LET MY cell phone ring a few more times before reaching over and answering it. I know it’s my father. He’s making sure I’m okay, as usual. “Letting me know you’re all right would be nice, son.” His words are said slowly and I hear some relief in his voice. “I’m good,” I talk softly into the phone, my head on the pillow. I don’t really need his words of wisdom today. “Sorry I haven’t called you or Mom lately.” “It’s fine, son. We know this isn’t the best time for you right now. We all miss her. As long as you talk about how you’re feeling and don’t turn to…” “I know,” I murmur, scoot up, and lean against the wooden headboard. “It’s a fuckedup situation.” “Have you called Dr. Daly?” I shake my head as if he can see me. “No.” “Logan.” The authoritative tone in his voice masks his concern. “Logan, I want the best for you. You’re my only son. How about you come over tonight for dinner with your mother and me?” “Sure, thanks. Look, I should probably go. I’ll talk to you soon, Dad.” We say our goodbyes and I disconnect the call. I throw the covers off my body and pick up the picture frame of Shannon and me from our wedding day. I’m staring at her, remembering how on Saturday mornings we’d wake up together, make breakfast, then get ready and go to the farmers’ market, or go for a run in the park. “It’s another Saturday without you. Without my breakfast partner. Without you,” I say to the picture as if she can hear me. “Maybe I’ll skip breakfast and go for a run.” I’m standing up with the picture and once I put it back in the box, I kiss the lid and close my eyes, taking in this moment. Regretfully, I slide the box back in its rightful place in my closet. I sigh as I yank on my workout clothes and head out for a run. After an evening like

last night, drinking nearly half a bottle of whiskey, I find that running helps me clear my head. Being outside, breathing the fresh air into my lungs, and my body pulsating from pushing its limits makes me feel alive. I end up running five miles, looping twice around a nearby park, and once I get home, my head doesn’t feel as foggy. Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I toss it side to side in my hands and wonder if I should call Dr. Daly’s office and make an appointment. Before I can make the call, it starts vibrating and I open the text from Hannah. Hannah: Hey stranger. Busy? Me: Hey. Not really. Just got finish with a run. Needed to clear my head. What’s up? Hannah: Nothing really. Just finished packing and hanging out in my empty room. Me: Lol. Why are you doing that? Hannah: Okay don’t laugh. Promise? Me: I promise. Hannah: This is the first time I’ll be on my own. I’ve never had my own apartment or a roommate. I’m scared to start over and I don’t know it feels weird. Isn’t it pathetic that me, a twenty-two year old, wants to cry because leaving home is scary? Me: Not at all. I remember when I left home to attend college. It’s something new. Look at it this way. You’re starting somewhere fresh. Someplace new. Don’t look at it as something scary. Embrace the next step in your life. Home will always be home. Hannah: Sigh. Yeah I know. I get it. Okay, I can do this. Me: Lol. Yes you can. Hannah: Thanks for listening to my ridiculousness. Me: I don’t mind. I hope you and Eden make it to NY without any issues and if you run into any please call me right away. Hannah: That’s so sweet. Why are you so sweet!? Me: All part of my charm. Lol. Hannah: Well, I really like this sweet side of you. Thank you again. I’ll be sure to text you when I get to NY. I hope you have a great day. Me: Safe travels. Talk soon.

I close out of my text message and look up Dr. Daly’s contact information. My finger hovers over the call button. It’s a simple task and something that needs to be done, only the idea of sitting there, opening myself again, isn’t what I want to do. I stare at his name for a few moments before finally pressing the call button. The line rings three times before a comforting voice speaks. “Hi. My name’s Logan Davis and I’d like to make an appointment with Dr. Daly at his earliest convenience.” “Hi Logan,” she says. “The earliest I can get you in is next Tuesday at eleven. Will that work?” “Put me down and if you can email me the appointment and then a reminder on Monday I’d appreciate it.”

“No problem. You’re all set. Is there anything else I can do for you?” “Not at this time. Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” She wishes me a good day and I do the same before disconnecting the call and putting the appointment into my calendar and then press save. It’s done. I did it. When I’m back in my room, I peel off my soaked clothes, climb in the shower, and get ready for the day. The slow thud of my door opening gets my attention. I walk out in my towel and see Paige standing by my bed. “I need you, Logan.” “What are you doing here?” I look around the room and grab the knot on my towel. She knows she shouldn’t be here. “You know the rules, Paige. You don’t belong in this house. How the hell did you get in?” “The door was unlocked.” I sigh. “That doesn’t give you the right to come in as you please. You know the rules, Paige. You aren’t allowed here unless I ask you.” A sly smirk plays on her face as she pushes me into the bathroom. I place my hands on her shoulders and shake my head, and walk with her out of the bathroom and back into my bedroom. “I told you this isn’t happening again. I can’t use you to get over Shannon. How about we talk or we can outside by the pool? If you’re hungry I can make us something to eat. I’m here as your friend and I don’t wanna hurt you again.” “You aren’t hurting me. I want this too. I realized that we won’t be together, but in so many ways we are. I won’t push you again I promise.” I take her hand into mine and slowly speak. “This can’t happen. I don’t wanna be an asshole and use you.” “But we’re benefiting from this. Don’t turn away from me. Be an asshole. Treat me however you want. Just be with me!” “Listen to yourself, Paige. Begging me to be with you isn’t gonna work. I respect you too much to treat you like shit. You’re more than that. More than someone for me or anyone to use. Why can’t you see that?” “Because I don’t. Because the only man I want is standing right in front of me and I won’t stop until he sees it. This isn’t over, Logan.” I stiffen, shivering at her gentle touch as goose bumps ripple down my spine. “Let me be there for you like you’ve been for me. We can hang out as friends and talk. This will be better for us.” “Don’t do this,” she whispers and wraps her arms around my middle. “The only way

you can be there for me is to fuck me, Logan. You’re the only person who gets me.” “Friends.” I unwrap her arms from my body and head inside my closet to throw on a pair of shorts and a white polo. Once I’m dressed I walk back out from my closet and see her standing at the end of my bed, staring at the sheets and then back to me. “Lincoln’s on his way over. You should go before he sees you.” The bedroom door opens and I let out a groan. “Why, hello there, Paige.” He looks at her before he even glances my way. “You should probably head out, sweetheart.” Paige doesn’t acknowledge Lincoln. She walks to me and presses her warm hand on my chest before leaving. “Want to explain what the hell’s going on?” He points toward the door and turns his attention back to me. I raise a brow and shake my head. “Nothing to explain anymore. I ended things with Paige on Thursday. She thought she could change my mind so I set her straight.” “I’m glad you came to that realization. Being with Paige isn’t going to bring Shannon back. Do you know that? “Yes. I get it now.” I grit out through clenched teeth. “Stick with that. You don’t need this drama.” I shrug. “And that’s why it’s over. I can’t hurt her anymore and I refuse to use her. You’re right. It’s not healthy and it won’t bring Shannon back.” I sigh and tell him we should get going. We get in my car and head to the golf course. My phone vibrates in my center console and I glance down, not caring who’s texting me, and focus again on driving. Texting and driving pisses me off. Nothing’s that important to stop paying attention to driving in order to answer your phone. My knuckles turn white and my palms are sweaty. I’m gripping the steering wheel. “It’s good, man. You’re good.” I let out a breath and nod. “Have you thought about seeing Dr. Daly again?” he asks. “Yeah. I have an appointment on Tuesday.” I keep the answer simple. A few sessions with my therapist won’t hurt. It helped before, but no matter what, the pain I feel every day won’t go away. “I’m happy for you, man.” I’m not sure how to respond, so I nod and turn on the music. Lincoln stops talking and soon we arrive at the golf course.

Lincoln and I have been friends since high school when he moved here. He’s a good guy and knows the shit I’ve been through. I don’t let many people in. Even though I have a lot of friends, there are only a few that I completely trust. When we get to the country club, my phone vibrates and it’s a message from Paige. One text after another comes in and I ignore each one.

Chapter 6

Hannah

INSTEAD OF GETTING out of bed, I stay put, and relish in the last few moments of being in my bedroom. I’m leaving behind so many memories. People say a teenage girl’s room holds more secrets and lessons about life than anywhere else. This room holds my childhood, adolescence, and part of my adulthood. I’m going to miss it here. But, I’m ready to move on and start a new adventure. I’m staring at the white ceiling in my room, listening to my Fuck this Shit playlist and rereading the messages between Logan and me. It’s still so weird to me how much we talk and how comfortable I am with him. I’m glad when I’m in NY we’ll get to hang out more. The song replays and it brings me back to listening carefully to the words about moving on and being better off. Music is my release. The lyrics sing to my soul and help me realize I can get over anything. I downloaded a lot of girl power songs, and each one that plays puts me in a better mood. If I didn’t have music, I’d probably become an alcoholic. While the song’s on replay it hits me that I’m so much better without Aaron. If he’s going to disrespect me and our relationship, then screw him. I’m a strong woman, and I’ll chase my dreams without thinking about him. That’s what I have to keep telling myself. The time has come and I can’t seem to move from my bed. Most of my things were picked up a few days ago by the movers to bring to New York. The only things left in my bedroom are a bed, my desk, and a nightstand. The walls are bare. It could have easily been anyone’s room. All traces of me have been erased. This is the room I’ve had since I was six years old when we first moved here. There are so many memories here—my parents reading me bedtime stories, getting ready for school, chatting with my friends on the phone, hanging out with my friends, and doing my homework. Then there are all the times Eden and I had sleepovers and gossiped about the boys we liked. This was home and where my dreams were born. I take the last few moments and look around my bedroom before crossing the hallway to my brother’s room. I open the door, stagger in, and sit on his bed. Everything looks the

same as it did before he passed away. His bed is made and his laptop sits on top of his desk. His sneakers are against the wall and there’s a shirt hanging over his desk chair. The anniversary of his death is coming up in a few months. I cringe thinking about how much time has passed and somehow we’re slowly healing. There’s peace being in here. The presence of Michael is strong. My body is calm and my breathing slows. When I unhurriedly close my eyes, I inhale and exhale slowly, letting the air fill me. My eyes open and I see him leaning against the wall with a smile on his face. And then he’s gone. “Bye, big brother,” I whisper, and step out in the hall. I place my hand on his door and push myself away. Before heading outside, I take out my phone and send Logan a text, letting him know we’re leaving soon. Logan: Drive safe. How long’s the drive? Me: About 4 hours. Shouldn’t be too bad. Logan: Remember, if you need anything text me right away.

I can’t get over how sweet and thoughtful he is. I’m smiling from ear to ear, thinking about seeing him again. Me: I will! Thank you again for the offer. Any plans today? Logan: Golfing with the guys. Dinner tonight with my parents tonight and then I think we’re meeting up with you and Eden for drinks. Me: Sounds fun! I think I remember Eden mentioning drinks tonight. Hopefully I won’t be too tired. Eden’s a rock star and can party with little sleep while I need at least a good six hours before I’m functioning. Haha. Logan: You sound like me and Eden sounds like Lincoln. I don’t get how they do it. I know for me it’s most likely old age. Me: Old? LOL. What you’re… 27? Logan: Close. 28. Me: See! Not that old. I should get going though. Eden’s ready and my parents are waiting to say bye. Logan: Text me when you get to your apartment. Me: K.

I grab my suitcase and bag and jog down the stairs. When I reach the bottom step, I take one last look at my childhood home and let out a breath of relief. This is my first time being on my own, and I finally feel ready. “You have everything?” my mom asks. “Do you need money?” I shake my head and throw my arms around her. “I’ll be fine,” I speak softly. “I promise.”

When I turn around, my dad’s checking the tires and asking Eden if there’s enough gas and fluids in the car. I have to hold back my laughter and eye rolls. He’s doing the dad thing and making sure we’re good to go. “Trust me, Mr. H, we’re all set, and I promise you the car’s been inspected and passed with flying colors.” “All right, then,” he says and moves toward me with his hands jammed in his trouser pockets. “You call us if anything comes up.” “Of course.” I hug my dad and tell him not to worry. When Eden and I get in the car, we wave one more time before heading to our new home in Victor, New York. “We got this.” Eden squeezes my hand and I do the same. “Onto our next adventure,” I cheer and turn on the radio.



MOVING ON IS all about resolutions and finding yourself. It’s a start over to something that you know you want. This break up, as much as it still stings, means change and something new. It means I can start over. We make it New York and my mouth drops when Eden parks outside our apartment complex. It’s huge and there’s a secure door and doorman at all hours of the day and night. That’s what made us want the apartment. We’re new to town and want to live somewhere safe. Taking the elevator to the second floor, with our bags and whatever else we can carry, the door opens when we reach our floor. We walk down the hall to our apartment and Eden unlocks the door. A rush of excitement hits me when she flips on the lights and we’re standing in our brand-new place for the first time. “Wow,” I exclaim, and notice all our things are organized and decorated really nicely. “How?” “Your parents paid for the movers and an interior designer to get everything ready for us.” “They did?” I shouldn’t be shocked. My parents do a lot for me and want me to be happy. “Yeah, tootsie.” She nudges my shoulder and leaves my side to put her things in her room. I can’t believe my parents did this.

Our apartment has hardwood floors with a gorgeous abstract rug in the living room. There’s a love seat, a sectional, and a big-screen TV mounted on the wall. Taking in the fresh aroma of the apartment, I stroll around and admire the space. When I enter the kitchen, I see Eden stroking the marble counters. I pick up my bag, grab my suitcase handle, and rush into my bedroom. I fling open the French doors to my closet and my jaw drops. It’s never going to get old to see how big my room and closet are. I love clothes, shoes, and accessories. Shopping is my obsession and so is fashion. I’m not vain or a complete ditz, but I like to look good and take care of myself. Coco Chanel once said, “Dress like you are going to meet your worst enemy today.” Once I’m done with my shower, I call my parents and let them know I’m okay and we made it without any problems. “Thank you again for getting our apartment ready. It’s looks so good. You guys have to come visit soon.” “We will, honey. Facetime me tomorrow so I can see the apartment.” “I will. Mom, oh my goodness, my room’s huge and the closet’s to die for.” I laugh and walk around my room, feeling the softness of the new carpet, and look over toward my bed. “You guys didn’t have to do all of this for me.” “Consider it your graduation present. We’re so proud of you, honey. You’ve done so well for yourself.” “Thank you so much.” My mom sighs and I miss her so much. “I’ll let you go. Be sure to call us tomorrow okay?” “Of course. I love you.” “I love you too.” When I disconnect the call and jump, landing on my bed, I look up at the ceiling and laugh because I have the most amazing and supportive parents. My family is my world. My rock. I’m so grateful for them. All I want to do is make them proud and work hard. Eden pops her head in and reminds me that we’re going out tonight. “Oh yes!” I quickly get up from my bed, and exhaustion hits me. “Can I nap for an hour or something?” “No napping. Get ready now. We’re leaving in forty-five minutes and meeting the guys for drinks at Next Door Bar and Grill.” “Fine. Okay,” I mutter. I unzip my suitcase and search for a cute outfit. Pulling out a possible outfit, skinny jeans and a black top, I hurry to get ready. At least I got to sleep a little bit in the car. I’ll have to chug an energy drink before we leave tonight. When Eden comes into my bedroom, I spin around and flare out my arms. “So what do

you think?” Immediately, she shakes her head and grabs my hand so we’re walking out of my bedroom and into hers. “No, boo. No. You’re newly single now, girlfriend.” She sits me down on her bed and stands before me, placing her hand on her chin, tilting her head to the side, and looks at me. I hate that look. It’s the look that’s telling me she has an idea and she won’t take no for an answer. “We’ve got to doll you up and get that delicious Logan to swoop you up in his arms and make you his naughty girl.” “I’m not ready for that. I’m not ready to be anyone’s naughty girl. What the hell are you thinking, Eden? Plus you said you’ll give me time to get my emotions together.” I cross my arms and squint my eyes at her. “Whatever you’re planning won’t work.” She shrugs. “Oh, it will and I lied. As your best friend I refuse to allow you to mope. Aaron is so yesterday and now we focus on Logan. The very sexy Logan who has been texting you nearly every day and whenever he does you have the biggest smile on your face. Friends. Ha! Now.” Her eyes skim over my outfit and she’s not pleased with what I picked out. “Okay, I got it.” “Nothing too revealing, please.” Eden waves me off as if I’m talking gibberish, and makes me sit down. She goes to work on me, doing my makeup, my hair, and forcing me to try on outfit after outfit. Here’s the thing about me. I like calm. I like smooth. My life’s all about planning and knowing what’s to come. I’ve never dyed my hair or worn sexy-name lip glosses. I stick to soft pinks. Anything neutral. Being out of my comfort zone makes me break out in hives. I can’t handle it. “There you go.” What? I turn to look in the mirror and feel too exposed and naked. The dress is way too short, and I swear if I drop it like it’s hot then people are going to get an eye full—and I’m not ready for that. “Stop!” “I’m not doing anything.” “You’re doing that thing again with your eye and biting your lower lip. I don’t know why you’re so nervous. And stop scratching your arm. Holy shit, you’re such a kid.” “Eden. You know I’m not good with this kind of outfit. I’m simple and not dangerous. This dress screams dangerous, which I’m so not.” She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms across her chest, raising a brow and tipping her head down a little so she can give me the death glare. If death could have another name, it would be Eden.

“Fine.” I raise my hands in defeat and look at myself again. God, I hate how I am. Dear nerves, please behave so I can let loose a little and have fun. Pretty please, with a cherry on top?

Chapter 7

Logan

“THANK YOU FOR dinner, Mom.” “Oh, anytime, sweetheart.” She smiles and cups my face. “I like seeing you out and about. So what are you boys doing tonight?” “Meeting two lovely women for drinks. We met them last week. Eden and Hannah.” Hope flashes on my mom’s face and I can already guess what she’s thinking, so I excuse myself and leave them to talk. I step outside on the deck where my father’s standing with a glass of scotch and a cigar. I lean against the wooden railing and close my eyes. In that brief moment, Hannah pops in my head and I quickly open my eyes and rub my face. “What’s going on, son?” he asks without looking my way. “Just thinking.” “Thinking can be very therapeutic.” I nod. “Yeah. I’m trying to figure some things out.” “Is there anything I can help you with?” “To be honest,” I pause, “I’m not sure.” “Does this have to do with your new lady friend?” I don’t respond. “I take that as a yes,” he quietly whispers. “And yet I miss my wife. I think about her all the time and wish she were here with me.” His hand grips my shoulder, and the comfort of having my father next to me helps slow the tension. “She will always be with you. It’s been two years, son. It’s okay to move on and open yourself again.” “Yeah,” I mutter.

“By moving on with your life, you aren’t betraying her and her memory. She’ll always be a part of you, Logan. She was your high school sweetheart and wife. No one will take her place in your heart. I know she wouldn’t want you to barely be living. The drinking and one-night stands, and well, now the arrangement you have with Paige, it’s not helping you and it never will.” I sniff, breathing in the acrid scent of his cigar smoke. “There’s no more arrangement with Paige. I ended things with her.” “That’s good, son. You know, maybe this new friend of yours is a blessing in disguise.” “What makes you say that?” “Look at you.” He turns and is now facing me. “There’s something about you, something that’s come back. I understand Shannon will always be the love of your life, but that’s the thing about life. It moves on whether you want to see it or not, and just because life moves on, it doesn’t mean we forget about the ones who we love. And we make room for love, which I think that’s what you’re doing.” I scoff and shake my head. “So what’s the young lady’s name you have a date with tonight?” I clear my throat. “Hannah Harris. She’s from Ohio and moving here for a job. I’m not sure where she’ll be working.” “Hannah, huh?” He takes a puff of his cigar, blows a smoke ring, and peers at me through the leftover gray haze. “I like that.” I nod. “Interesting. And what do you know of her?” “She’s sweet and adorable as hell.” I laugh, thinking about her smile and the way she talked when we were together. “She has this way of making you feel better, and I don’t think she knows it. I know she’s from Ohio. Her brother passed away a few years ago. She’s got her parents, just recently graduated, and starts a new job on Monday.” “I see.” “What?” I ask. “Nothing.” He waves me off, the cigar clamped between his fingers. “I want you to do something for me.” “Sure.” “Every day, do something that’s going to help you move on from Shannon. If you let her go, and still love her at the same time, this task will be easy. Do something new every day—and start on Monday.” “Sure thing, old man.” We stand in silence for several moments, staring out at the dark yard and listening to crickets. I shift my stance and finally say, “Well, Dad, guess I better be headed out. I’ll see you later.” “Good night, son. Have fun with Hannah and remember what I told you.”





LINCOLN PULLS INTO the parking space at Next Door Bar and Grill and we walk inside. We make our way through to the back patio where music plays and three bartenders are serving drinks. “Two Stellas,” Lincoln orders. “You’re sure they’re coming out?” “Of course,” Lincoln replies with a smirk. “Eden texted me a few minutes ago. No worries, man. You’ll see your girl.” I glance away, avoiding eye contact. “She’s not my girl.” “Whatever you say, my man. Answer me this. If you don’t know each other then why’d you make me find her address? Why’d you send her flowers? Lastly, why do you spend most of your time texting with her?” His questions throw me off. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure why. It feels good to know she loves the flowers, and we can talk about anything. It’s easy with her. There’s no pressure or expectations. “Don’t think too much about it.” “Uh-huh.” I thank him for the beer and when I turn around my gaze finds Hannah laughing with Cal and Eden. Her hand’s on his forearm and she moves a little closer to him. The next thing that grabs my attention is how sexy she looks. The dress hugs her body and I swear those legs of hers are sexier than before I last saw them. Lincoln nudges my arm and we grab our beers and head over to them. I stay back a little, and when the music changes to a fast tempo song, Eden grabs Hannah and Cal and they make their way to the middle of the patio bar and start dancing. She notices me watching her and gives me a smile and a small wave. I lift my chin in her direction and she turns back and continues dancing. I can’t stop watching her. Her dance moves aren’t sexy, and it’s actually really adorable seeing her awkwardly shake her ass and move to the music. “Holy shit.” Lincoln chuckles and bends over, and holds his stomach. “Is she raising the roof?” “Yep.” I laugh and she turns her attention to us and giggles. You’re cute I mouth, and she smiles, pressing her hand to her cheek. She spins around and performs some more ridiculous moves.

A few of our friends make their way over to Lincoln and me, but my focus is solely on Hannah and the way she’s dancing. Her red dress fits her perfectly, showing off her long, toned legs and beautiful, curvy body. When she moves, slightly bending her knees and shaking her ass, it’s a wakeup call to my cock, and I can’t stop staring. It’s addicting watching her. I head over to the bar and order another beer. I get a quick smell of sweet perfume when a small, cool hand squeezes my shoulder. I glance over to see Eden standing behind me. “Hey, you.” “Hey back. How was the move?” “Great. Everything’s set up thanks to Hannah’s parents.” I nod. “Good, I’m glad.” When the bartender walks over, I order my beer and two shots of Washington Apple, one for each of us. “You look like you’re having fun out there.” Eden smiles at me. “So I hear you and Hannah are getting to know each other.” “We’ve been texting. She’s sweet. I like getting to know her.” “She’s a really sweet girl and has been my best friend since we were little.” Eden looks toward the dance floor then back to me and lowers her voice. “I didn’t tell you this, but please don’t hurt her.” My back stiffens. “I know what her boyfriend did to her. Trust me, I’m in no position to start anything. She’s a friend. There’s nothing to worry about.” The bartender brings our drinks over and she picks up the shots, passes one to me, and we clink glasses and toss them back at the same time. “Yeah.” She slides her glass across the bar. “That’s good to hear. This move will be good for her. As long as she’s away from Aaron then I know she’ll be fine.” I smack my shot glass onto the bar top, ignoring the glare from the bartender. “Like I said you have nothing to worry about. But, she’s okay, right?” “She’s trying to be strong. Aaron was her first and only boyfriend, so she’s taking it hard.” “Breaking up is never easy. Hopefully, tonight will do the trick.” I take a swig of my beer when I feel someone touch my back. I turn to see Hannah and Cal right behind her. “You looked like you were having fun out there dancing.” “Oh, yeah.” She fans herself and leans over the bar to try and get the bartender’s attention. “I’m so thirsty.”

“Here. Have some.” I hand her my beer. She lifts the bottle to her lips and guzzles it. “Cold beer is the best. Wow, this is really smooth.” She examines the bottle. I wave one of the bartenders over and order a round of drinks. As the night goes on, Lincoln and Eden go off on their own, while Cal finds some blonde. Hannah and I are sitting in the corner and she’s talking about the move and starting her job on Monday. I’m about to ask her where her new position is at when she grabs my hand and pulls me up from the chair. “I love this song!” I spin her around and a burst of laughter fills my ears. Damn, she’s so fucking adorable. Bringing her closer to me, I smell her attractive perfume and instantly draw her flush against my body. I turn her around so her back is to my chest and wrap my arms around her with my lips feather-kissing her neck. Soft moans vibrate past her lips and I want to hear more. I fucking want more. We finish dancing to the song and walk back to our corner. Being near her is messing with my head. I’ll need to be careful. I don’t want to treat her like some random chick and I know Lincoln’s into Eden, so I don’t want to mess up whatever’s going on with them by hurting Hannah. “Look at Eden and Lincoln.” She points to them making out in the corner. I place my fingers underneath her chin and veer her head toward mine. “I never told you how beautiful you look tonight.” Her cheeks blush. “Thank you, Logan. That’s really sweet of you to say.” She’s truly beautiful, and I can’t take my eyes off her. I know it’s getting late and I’m not ready to say bye yet. Before I can say anything my phone vibrates and I answer the call without looking at the caller. “Hello?” “Logan.” Her whisper makes me look straight ahead, past Hannah, and I excuse myself to talk in private. “Paige, what is it?” “Melissa sent me a picture of you and some bitch. Are you seriously out with someone right now?” “It’s not like that,” I explain. “And honestly my life doesn’t concern you.” “Bullshit,” she shouts. “It has everything to do with my concern. You’re an asshole. So while you’re out, having fun, probably gonna get your dick sucked, I missed my shift at the bar and now I’m stuffing my face with chocolate so I can get over you.” “Stop it, Paige. She’s a friend.”

She scoffs. “Whatever, Logan. Go ahead and fuck with her head the way you did with mine. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it. When you’re done with her send her my way, so I can let her know it wasn’t her fault you’re a fucked up asshole.” Before I can say anything, she disconnects the call and I’m left standing in the dark corner, replaying her words, and realizing how right she is about how I am. I look back toward Hannah. She’s laughing with Eden and Lincoln and it’s beautiful to see her like this. But, Paige is right. I killed Shannon and have to live with that regret. I broke Paige and slept with endless women. I’m a fucked up man and I have to end this with Hannah before it gets too far. When I’m back, I sit down and feel Hannah’s hand on my thigh. I stare into her wide emerald green eyes and it nearly brings me to my knees. I know what I have to do. For Hannah’s sake, I have to end this thing between us before it even starts-and I have to do it tonight.

Chapter 8

Hannah

WE STAY CLOSE together and he pulls me closer so our legs touch and his arm comfortably rests on my shoulders. Neither of us move or shift away. My body wants him so badly. I admire his arm muscles, the way he smells, and his caramel-colored eyes. This is what I read about in my romance novels—that immediate insta-love sort of connection. I don’t know if this feeling makes sense. My heart’s broken over Aaron, yet here I am with Logan, and Aaron doesn’t cross my mind until now. I’m not thinking about him or wondering if I should text him. Being here with Logan helps me not think about the shit I left behind back in Ohio. “Do you wanna head back to my place and hang out more?” I notice the immediate coolness of his body and he moves away. I’m not sure what I said to make him pull away from me. “You know, I have a busy day tomorrow and should leave.” “Oh.” I try my best to hide my disappointment and embarrassment. Here I am practically throwing myself at him and now he has to leave. I suck at this whole flirting or hooking up thing or whatever the hell I’m doing. “Oh, yeah, sure. I get it.” I try my hardest to keep calm and unruffled by his mood change. “I like getting to know you as a friend.” It’s like cold water splashes on my face. “Yeah, friends, of course. I mean Aaron and I just broke up, so I should focus on being single and on my career.” “I should take you home. It looks like Eden’s getting ready to leave with Lincoln.” I nod and we both get up at the same time. Eden rushes over to me and we head out together with the guys behind us. “You’re okay?” she asks. “Yeah, of course. Have fun tonight.” I wink. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Okay, babe.” She leans down and kisses my cheek before walking away with Lincoln. At least someone’s getting lucky tonight. Ugh. Stop. He’s a friend. We’re friends. I can’t be like this. When we get into the Uber Logan got for us, the driver exits the parking lot and starts the trip to my apartment. “I got your address from Eden a little bit ago and gave it to the driver. He’s going to drop you off first.” “Sounds good.” “Are you all right?” I glance at him and nod. “Yeah, of course.” We sit in silence through the ride and I can’t help but sense his eyes on me. If he wants to be friends, then why’s he eyeing me like that? Ugh. Men. So confusing. I lean my head against the window and Logan’s warm hand rests on mine. I should move out of his reach. I don’t, though. “Are you going to be okay walking to your apartment?” “Yeah. Of course. I’ll talk to you later.” Before I can climb out, Logan rushes around the side of the car to mine and opens the door for me. “I had a great night with you.” “Me too.” I smile, and take the stairs inside my apartment complex without looking back.



SUNDAY MORNINGS. There’s something about them that I really love. The calmness of the day makes for relaxing and leisurely moments. It’s all about slowly getting out of bed and enjoying the day. It’s before Monday, the dreaded M word, and a day to relax and take it easy. But today, this very Sunday, I’m feeling off. My phone vibrates on my nightstand and I really don’t want to look to see who it is since I’m ninety-nine percent sure it’s Dickface. Aaron DICKFACE: Just checking up on you. Did you move in okay? Is there anything you need?

Me: Yep. Need you to leave me alone. I’ve moved on. Buh-bye. Aaron DICKFACE: I know you didn’t. Me: Oh, but I did. Leave me alone. He’s about to wake up and we’re going for round 4. Aaron DICKFACE: I know you’re hurting now and you’re saying this to hurt me. I miss you, baby.

With a groan and an intense eye roll, I squeeze my cell phone between my hands. I’m so tempted to throw it across the room. I remember my breathing exercises and immediately calm down, set my phone aside, and forget about Aaron. He’s not ruining my morning. As soon as I’m out of bed, I start my morning—brush my teeth, wash my face, and tell myself I deserve better than Aaron, even if the sexy Logan just wants to be friends. Ugh. Talk about a low blow to your ego. It’s bothering me so much that he didn’t want to come up to my apartment. I stare at myself in the mirror, carefully looking at my face and down my body. I’m confident with how I look. My personality is a ten and I’m very nice. At least I think so. Honestly after Aaron and now Logan putting us in the friendzone after all the flirting and getting to know each other I’m absolutely questioning myself. We were having such a good time, and I thought he was into me. Maybe I’ve been out of the dating scene for so long, I’ve lost something? Then again, I’ve never been good at reading guys or body language. I push Logan out of my mind and focus on me again. I’m definitely not texting him. If he wants to talk to me, then he can initiate the conversation since he has my number, too. There’s the possibility that Eden and Lincoln will hit it off and I’ll see him and if I do I’ll act real cool. It’s not like I should be expecting anything and I’m not. We’re friends. Just friends. And I should focus on my career. My goal is to climb the corporate ladder and use my marketing degree and put my mark on this world. That’s going to be my focus. I’ll be Austen Davis’s personal assistant for a year or two, tackle any and all responsibilities and exceed his expectations. When he wants coffee, I’ll get him the best coffee in record time. I’ll wow him with my knowledge and quick wit. By the time I’m twenty-four, I’ll be in the marketing department and by the time I’m thirty, I’ll be in charge of the department. Once that happens, I’ll hopefully meet someone special, get married, have cute babies, and get the house of my dreams. For now, I’ll buy a few vibrators and a life supply of batteries. Eight years until my end goal is too long to not be prepared. Even though I’m all about my career, I still have needs and my BOB needs to be fully charged and ready to go. Men only complicate things, and I don’t need that. I decide that it’s too nice of a day to be stuck inside. I dress in my workout clothes and head outside for a run. As soon as I’m outside the humid air hits me and I love it. Summer and Autumn are my seasons. I love the hot weather and going to the beach, lounging around the pool, being on the boat, and all of the fun times that happens during the

summer. Then there’s Autumn. I’m a basic bitch – pumpkin spice lattes, Uggs, my Northface, and binge watching The O.C., One Tree Hill, and Gossip Girl. There’s a park nearby our apartment and I’m feeling pretty adventurous so I start the run on the path with my earbuds in, blasting hip hop music. A little Nicki Minaj and Rihanna to get me pumped. The run’s quick and I head back home to shower and get ready for the day. Since Eden’s still not back from Lincoln’s, I grab my car keys and head to the mall. Google says it’s about six point two miles away. I park my car, walk inside and go straight to Sephora. After Eden’s little makeover she did for me, I want more living on the edge makeup. I check out new lines and touch every eye shadow palette, trying to decide if the colors will work and if I can do a nice smokey eye. I grab a few palettes, the move on to lip glosses. I’m looking at the wall and my eyes widen. How in the world can there be so many options? These colors are so out of my realm of comfort, but they look nice, and maybe if I start tanning, then they’ll truly make my lips pop. I grab two colors, one red and one peachy pink color. The names are killing me–sex kitten, and sheer bomb. Oh goodness. Help me.



I‘M AWAKE FROM my afternoon nap, and slowly get out of bed. I look around my room for my cell phone and see it on my nightstand. When I have my phone, I check the time and for any messages. There’s a few from Aaron and I roll my eyes and don’t open the messages. Then I notice one from Logan. Logan: Hey. What are you up to?

The text came right before I left the mall and it’s been a few hours. I’m debating if I should respond and I mean I should right? We’re friends. Friends talk and friends text. Me: Hey! Just woke up from a much needed nap. It’s lazy Sunday so I’ve been lounging and checked out the mall. It’s close to my apartment, which is so bad. I’m gonna go broke. Logan: Yeah, the mall here is nice. What’d you get? Me: Some makeup, clothes, and a fitbit. I’m starting to work out again. I actually went for a run this morning and didn’t collapse haha. Logan: Haha that’s good. Collapsing wouldn’t have been good. Are you doing anything else today? Me: Not really. Hanging out here with Eden. She’s probably gonna be home soon. Logan: Sounds fun. If you’re up for it we’re gonna hit up a bar tonight. Not sure if you and Eden wanna join. Me: Most likely not me. I have work tomorrow. My first day and all. But, thanks for asking. Have fun! Logan: Too bad. If you change your mind let me know. I’ll talk to you soon.

Me: K.

I put down my phone and rub my face. I’m analyzing the conversation and tell myself he’s being nice and a good friend. He wants to show us around, make us feel comfortable. Because he’s a really sweet guy. That’s it. “Stop being ridiculous, Hannah,” I scold myself. After being lazy for a few more minutes, I head to my kitchen, get a bottle of wine from the fridge, and help myself to a nice glass of pinot grigio. I get comfortable on my couch and turn on my laptop. While it’s booting up, I take a long sip of my wine and place the glass on the coaster. As soon as my laptop is on, I open the internet browser and go to Facebook to see if I can find Logan’s page. Without his last name, I know it’ll be difficult, but I have nothing else to do today so I’m up for this challenge. “Whatcha doing?” Eden surprises me and sits on the couch. She looks happy. Really happy. When she looks over to see what I’m doing, she takes my laptop without warning and begins typing. When she hands me back my laptop, I don’t look to see what she’s done because of what she’s telling me. “By the way, I’m sorry about last night. I wanted to come back with you and hang out, but Lincoln… oh, my goodness. He’s so…” “Nope. Don’t finish that sentence.” “Dirty. Sexy. Amazing in bed. He made me come at least three times last night. When he picked me up and fucked on the table, I thought I was going to die. Seriously, that man’s cock is huge. I’m talking at least nine inches—” “Please, stop,” I whine and cover my ears from the nastiness that’s coming from her lips. Usually, I’m all for hearing about Eden’s sexcapades, but right now I have zero interest. There’s not enough bleach in the world to wash the words away. “I really like him. He’s taking me out to dinner tonight.” My eyes widen and my jaw drops. I didn’t hear my best friend correctly. Eden Michelle Butler doesn’t like anyone. She’s a she-whore and a man-eater. The woman makes men cry—like grown-ass men with bulging muscles and washboard abs. She doesn’t do relationships and has issues with commitment. “Please explain.” “I know. I know. You’re thinking how crazy it is for me to like someone, but Lincoln’s really sweet. After round three he held me all night, and then he said out of everyone he’s been with, he’s never had anyone in his bed to hold. We’re alike in more than one way, you know. I know he’s a man-whore, and he knows I’m a she-whore so it works.” “Eden,” I say on a sigh. “I’m really happy for you. Truly, I am.”

Eden smiles and tells me to look at the screen on my laptop. I do, and my eyes go wide and my anxiety takes over. Logan Davis. I scroll down his page and spot a picture of him and another man. The tag in the picture shows Logan’s name and… “No! No. Holy. Shit.” I grab strands of my hair and open my eyes wider to make sure I’m seeing things right. “His dad is my boss? His dad is my boss!” A semi-maniac cackle escapes my lips and I shake my head because somehow the world’s taking a huge shit on my life. Austen Davis and Logan Davis are related, and Logan works for his dad. And I’ll be working for his dad starting tomorrow. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I know that’s Austen Davis from our Skype interview. Tomorrow’s my first day of work and I have to see him right when I go in. How does this happen? Out of all the companies in Rochester I had to pick the one that Logan works at. Hell, I have to pick the one that Logan’s family owns and runs. Holy. Shit. “Hannah?” Eden breaks me out of my thoughts and I turn the laptop to show her why I’m freaking out. “You’re working for Logan’s dad? Wow.” She laughs and shakes her head. “This isn’t funny!” My face burns from anxiety and I have to keep staring at my screen to make sure I’m seeing this correctly. “Why’s this happening to me?” What the hell did I do to karma to have this happen to me? I’m a good person with a good heart. I volunteer and give blood. Sometimes I go to church. Shit, that’s it! Because I don’t praise the Lord on Sundays, karma wants to punish me by making Logan Davis my freaking boss’s son. “Now you get to see Logan every single day,” she says in a sing-song tone. I flip her off and go back to Facebook. This sucks. Curiosity gets the best of me, so I scroll through his Facebook feed. There’s not too much, only his profile picture of him with Lincoln and Cal, then there’s another picture of him and his dad. There’s no option to leave a post on his wall. It’s pretty bare. I look at his about me section, and it’s scarce, then click to see if he’s tagged in any pictures, and he’s not. So the only thing I’m taking away from my little stalking is I’m crushing on my boss’s son. Fuck. My. Life.

Chapter 9

Logan

THE MOMENT I walk inside my parents’ house, the welcoming smell of dinner makes my mouth water. Sundays mean family dinner. The only way I can miss it is if I’m dying on the side of the road. My mom believes that with how busy we are, we need to have one night together. “Oh you’re here,” my mother says and walks over to me, giving me a kiss on both cheeks. “I heard a little something about you from Evelyn who heard this from Maria.” My mother and her two best friends live to gossip and to talk about anything that surrounds my life. “And what did you hear?” With a slight smile, she squeezes my hand and tugs me to the kitchen. I sit down on the stool, resting my hands on the island counter, and watch her move around, getting the salad ready for tonight. “Well, I heard that your new friend, Hannah, is a beauty.” “How did they see her?” “Well, Maria’s niece was at the bar last night and saw you with her. She told Evelyn, and then Evelyn told me. Her niece said Hannah’s very pretty.” “She is.” My mother claps her hands in delight. “Ah you’re not denying it. So, is she just a friend or something more? Will I get to meet her soon? How about you bring her over next week for Sunday dinner and I’ll have Mario make something special like lamb or steak. Oh! What kind of foods does she like? Does she have any allergies? Is she vegan? I’m sure Mario can come up with something that she’ll love. I cannot wait to meet…” “Mom.” I laugh and pop a grape in my mouth. “Yes?” “Calm down, please. She’s a friend and just a friend. I don’t think I’ll be inviting her over for Sunday dinner.”

“Well why not?” Oh hell. “Just because.” Her eyes widen in disbelief. “You know once upon a time you used to tell me everything.” “Well, once upon a time, I was a confused teenager. I’m a grown man now, mom.” “Doesn’t matter,” she says. “A son will always need his mother. No matter what.” I get up from the stool, round the counter, and lean down to kiss my mother on her forehead. “I know.” When dinner’s ready, the three of us go to the dining room and sit down together. My father and I talk about the business while my mom listens and smiles. She’s always been the most supportive and loving woman I know. Whenever I need someone to talk to, I know I can come to her. There’s a special bond between a mother and her son. I can’t explain the bond I have with her. I love my parents equally, but there’s something special about my mom. It’s the way she understands without knowing the whole story. When Shannon died, she stayed by my side and cleaned up after me. There were days I never got out of bed. She continually came over, even when I screamed for her to leave, but she never did. She made sure I was alive since I couldn’t eat or fathom making my way out of my bedroom. “Oh!” My mom smiles and puts down her fork and knife. “Honey, are you free next week? There’s a store opening I’d like to attend, but your father is tied up and I don’t want to go alone.” “Mom, why don’t you go with your friends?” “I’d like to spend some time with my son. I think it’ll be good for us to spend the day together. We can grab breakfast, drive to the store, and do some shopping. Honey, you need some more suits and shirts.” “Where’s the store?” “New York City.” Her wide smile fills her face and I know I can’t say no to her now. “Sounds like fun.” I try to maintain a non-dreadful tone. “Spending the day with my mom, shopping in the city. A grown man’s ideal day.” “Oh, hush, Logan.” She waves me off and I stare at my father for some support. That bastard’s too busy eating his dinner to help me. I’ll remember that. “Oh. Mom, did you ever use those tickets I gave you? For Wicked? It includes backstage passes and a rather nice VIP package. Those tickets weren’t easy to get.” She claps her hands together.

“Sweetheart,” my father sighs, looks at me with disdain, then at my mom. “We should go. The show is coming to town soon. Helen mentioned it to me and we must go.” “Anything for you, dear.” My father looks at me when mom leaves the room, and I challenge him to say something. “Touché, son. Touché.” I smirk and finish my dinner before heading out to meet the guys at Mex for drinks.



“YO!” LINCOLN CALLS out for me and I see him with Cal. I wanted to knock Cal’s ass out for making me come out to this bar. Of all the bars in Rochester, they had to choose Mex —the bar Paige works at. Since we’re outside, there’s a good chance she won’t know I’m here. Tonight without drama sounds damn good. I make my way to their table and Lincoln hands me a beer. “Drink up, Princess.” “Suck it, asshole,” I mutter and pace myself. A few guys we know make their way to our table. They’re good people; we keep in touch here and there. The only guys I trust and am close to are Lincoln and Cal. “I saw Eden tonight before I got here. She told me something pretty interesting, but I’m keeping it to myself and waiting for your reaction tomorrow.” “What the hell are you talking about?” “Nah,” he offers with a laugh. “It’ll be better for you to find out for yourself.” “I don’t have time for this bullshit game. What’s going on?” Lincoln pats my shoulder like a fucking child and I push him away. Fucking idiot. Cal comes over with a blonde on his arm. She’s looking at Lincoln and me, licking her lips. “Hi, guys.” “Hey,” Lincoln and I both say before turning back and ignoring her. “So what’s up with you and Eden?” I ask. Lincoln smiles and I’m happy for him. It’s been a while since he’s found someone to make him grin like that. “She’s amazing. I took her home last night and she spent the night. She cooked for me

and we talked. Really talked.” “That’s good. I’m happy for you.” Cal comes back with our beers, without the blonde, and we shoot the shit about work and the girls he’s seeing. “Ever think about calming the hell down?” Lincoln asks. “Are you shitting me?” Cal laughs. “Easy pussy. I’m too young for that settling down crap.” “Right,” Lincoln says. “Get off your high horse. Just because you got someone doesn’t mean I need to. I’m good where I am.” “So this isn’t about getting over Angela?” I raise a brow. “No,” he calmly whispers. “Anyways, enough of this girly shit. I’m good, boys, so don’t worry about me, but please tell me Hannah’s single and wants to mingle. She’s so hot. Really sweet girl, and damn hot.” I don’t respond and drink my beer. Hannah is hot, but she’s also innocent and adorable as fuck. “I wanted to take her back to my place so bad.” “Shut up.” Anger shoots up my body and I grip the plastic cup tighter. I point a warning glance at Cal. He needs to drop the topic of Hannah. Like this second. “What?” Cal laughs, looking at Lincoln then at me. “Come on. You know she’s hot. Her pussy’s probably just as sweet as she is.” I’m out of my seat so fast and in his face that Lincoln comes around and stands behind me. “Shut the hell up, Cal. Don’t talk about her that way,” I yell. I take a deep breath to get myself under control. The anger isn’t subsiding and boils over. “Stay away from her. She’s too good for you. For me. For any of us. Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear.” Cal doesn’t back away. The amusement plays on his face with a shit-eating grin. He puts his hands up and places them on my shoulders. “Calm down, beast. I’m not trying to get my ass kicked tonight. She’s gotten under your skin, huh?” Lincoln pulls me away and tells Cal to back off. I’m off my damn game. I never lose my cool like that, especially not with my boys. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tell him. Even though I’m directing my words at Cal, it feels as though I’m saying them to myself. “Uh-huh. Right.” “Hannah’s untouchable. She’s sweet and good. Stay away from her.” I keep my tone low and harsh. “I got it.”

I don’t miss the enjoyment in Cal’s voice and I brush off that asshole’s shit. I finish my beer and stick around for another hour before heading back home. The moment I get home, I head straight to my kitchen and grab a bottle of whiskey. My thoughts are rushing through me and I can’t quiet the memories. I slam the bottle on the counter and grip the porcelain until I see the whites in my knuckles. I take another drink and close my eyes, willing the memories to go away. After a few calming breaths, I head upstairs to my empty bedroom.



THE RECURRING NIGHTMARE jolts me out of bed. My eyes quickly open and my heart rapidly beats with anguish against my chest. It takes me a moment to remember where I am. All the air whooshes out of my lungs and I clench my chest to fight the panic attack looming nearby. Several seconds pass before I regain composure and the agony rushing through my body settles deep inside. The anguished breathing fully wakes me up. I get out of bed, pad through my bedroom, and stumble outside onto the balcony. The laziness of the night seeps through to my veins and, in this moment, I’m okay. The nightmare leaves my conscious body and I’m rendered pain- and guilt-free. It’s in this moment clarity hits me and I remind myself to breathe. When I walk back inside, where memories of Shannon and our love lies, I crawl into bed and prop myself up on my forearms, laying on my side, and gazing at the empty space next to me. It’s undisturbed and has been since I lost her. The familiar ache in my heart slowly comes back and it reminds me of what I lost and what I’ll never have again. When you find true love and it’s stolen from you, there’s no more believing in the good and beauty of life. Nothing matters. No amount of money will make me feel better. No amount of women will satisfy my hunger for Shannon. And Hannah comes to mind. With my heart and mind still attached to Shannon, I can’t allow myself to be involved with her. It won’t be fair to her. I can’t treat Hannah the way I treated Paige. It’s unfair and only hurt can come from getting too involved with her. I grab my phone from my nightstand and look at her contact name. Hannah with a heart emoji – her doing, not mine. She’s the lightness I need, but can’t have. Sleep isn’t coming back tonight. I push the covers off my body and swing my legs over the bed again. When my feet touch the coolness of my bedroom floor, I get up and walk to my closet. My hand lingers on the doorknob for a moment before I turn the knob and stare up on the shelf. The hidden box whispers for me. I don’t hesitate, so I grab the box and settle down against my bedroom wall. My legs sprawl out as I open the box and take out the framed pictures of Shannon and me.

We’re standing on the beach in Aruba with the clear-blue ocean behind us. Our honeymoon. Three weeks of love and pure joy. The next framed picture is of us at senior prom. Both moments still play in my mind. I reach over, grab the framed picture from our honeymoon, and trace her beautiful face with the tip of my index finger. “I can’t sleep again, baby. You’re on my mind, and I’m wondering what you’re doing.” I glance at my alarm clock on my night stand and see the time—4:27 a.m. “If I know you like I know I do, you’re peacefully sleeping. You’re lying on your side with one hand under the pillow and your lips slightly parted. I can hear your little snores, and I miss that sound. I fucking miss you.” I stare at the picture a little longer than I normally do and bring it to my lips, pressing it tightly against the glass. After she passed away, months dragged by before I went to her grave. In the two years since she’s been gone, I’ve visited her a handful of times. Losing someone you love with your whole heart isn’t easy. How does one get over the loss of their wife? It’s not possible. When I go to her grave, the realization she’s not there hits me harder and throws me in a drunken bender, and I lose myself for a few days before returning to my normal self. I get back into bed and hug the picture frame to my chest. The heaviness of my eyelids pushes my eyes closed and I slowly find sleep again. “Sing me to sleep, baby,” I whisper and close my eyes, holding the frame with everything I have. Morning comes all too soon. With only a few hours of sleep, I quickly get ready and grab my coffee thermos from the counter and head to work, ignoring the headache from last night’s drinking. When I rush through the office, I feel an electric pull and I can’t shake it. I’m about to go see my father when I notice he has someone in there. I forgot he has a new assistant starting. Shit, what’s her name?

Chapter 10

Hannah

TERROR SEIZES MY body. I’m holding his lifeless body in my arms. He’s cold and he hates being cold. With the strength I possess, I gently put him down and grab a blanket from his bed. I place the blanket on his body and bring his head back on my lap, in my arms. I’m screaming. I’m crying. I’m rocking my big brother in my arms, willing him to wake up and tell me everything’s going to be okay. The empty pill bottle shows its evil face and I scream, begging Michael to wake up, asking him why he took his life. Guilt seizes me. I should’ve known the signs. I should’ve been there for him. Since his breakup with his girlfriend, Renee, he became distant, angry and reckless. He pushed everyone away and went on benders with meth and alcohol. Michael’s bright and happy heart was stolen and broken. There was no more goodness to him. The addiction to drugs and drinking stole my brother, my parents’ first born, from us. All the signs were there. He was depressed and refused any attempts of us helping him. I believed him when he said he was okay. I believed him when he said not to worry about him. Reality hits me and I jump out of bed and run to the bathroom. I rush to the toilet just in time, my body shaking, letting out gasps and trying to breathe again. “Don’t cry,” I repeat to myself over and over again. “Don’t cry. He’s in a better place.” Sobs shatter my body and after a few minutes I gather myself together and pick myself back up. The only reassurance I have to move on and not mourn my brother is he’s not in pain anymore. I head back to bed and crawl under my covers. It’s two in the morning and I’m afraid to close my eyes until exhaustion overtakes me. I pray for no more nightmares tonight. I wake up at six thirty to my alarm blaring, telling me to get up and get ready. I’m so nervous about today. How is it Monday? How is it my first day at work?

I’m not only nervous about my first day, but also because of Logan. He’s going to be there. I’m going to be there. I know we’ll run into each other, and he’ll be calm and cool, while I’ll be sweating buckets. Then I remind myself that working for Austen will give me the edge and experience I need to reach my goals and complete my eight year plan. Learning from him will teach me all that I need to know. It’s so early in the morning. I give myself an extra thirty minutes to tell myself I’m going to have a great first day and nothing’s going to go wrong. The experience I gained through my internships while in college will help me grow at Brown, Clarke, and Davis INC. When I look at my offer letter again and see Davis, I shake my head. After a hot shower and blow drying my hair, I look through my closet and pick out a black pencil skirt and a white blouse with my beloved black stilettos. I pull out my drawer and debate if I should wear stockings or not. Since it’s going to be on the warmer side, I decide not to and change before putting on my makeup. My hair’s straight and I add some mousse to give it a little volume. When I go back to my bedroom, I pull out a nice diamond pendant necklace Michael got me for my eighteenth birthday, and the diamond earrings my parents got me when I graduated. Taking in a few deep breaths, I grab my purse and head out of my bedroom. Eden’s in the kitchen and gives me a big smile. “Look at my girl on her first day of school! Oh, darling, you look beautiful.” “Shut up.” I laugh and sit at the island. Eden promised me a nice and healthy breakfast and I can’t wait. We’re both wide awake and ready to take on Monday. “Ready for your executive chef job?” “You know what? I really am. The Ryan’s are so sweet and their kids are adorable. It’ll be nice to be creative and prepare their meals.” “Will you be there all day?” I ask. “Today’s pretty informal. She doesn’t need help with breakfast, just lunch and dinner, but she’s paying me enough so I don’t need to work for another family. I’m their chef slash helper. My hours are eight to five, so kinda like yours.” “That’s really cool. I’m glad you found something you love.” “Me too,” she says in agreement. Her hair’s in a tight bun and her makeup’s flawless. She’s wearing a white button-down with black pants and black pumps. Her jewelry’s minimal, just earrings and a diamond necklace. “Can you swing by the store and pick up fresh mangos for me?” Eden asks, and I nod while reading a few emails on my phone. We found a grocery store late last night. We had the munchies and went shopping. Wegmans was amazing. I felt like a little kid in the candy store. Everything was so organized and nice looking. The store was huge, unlike the stores back home. We filled up the cart, and when we checked out, the total was well over two hundred dollars. Back at

home we never spent that much, but I guess this was the norm when shopping for the week. “Okay, here’s your egg-white omelet with a side of strawberries and yogurt. Now, I have your coffee in your travel mug and water here for you.” “You’re such a mom.” “Well, I have to take care of my best friend since you hardly eat a normal meal. I packed a lunch for you, too.” Eden’s right. I always forget to eat, and most of the time I’m living on meal replacement bars and coffee. It’s so unhealthy. Back in college, with my course load, that’s what kept me going. I have a business degree in communication and marketing and everything was a competition. You had to be the best so that’s what I did. I worked my ass off, landed a great internship, and now I’ll be working at a great company, even though I’m starting at the bottom. “Off to work,” I tell Eden and grab my things. “Wish me luck since you know my boss is Logan’s dad and all.” “You’ll do fine. Just be yourself.” I blow Eden a kiss and race out the door. I make it to work with fifteen minutes to spare. I like being early, not right on time, but early so that I don’t have to rush and I get to take my time. I pull out my phone and read the email from Connie, the receptionist, and follow the directions. When I get on the elevator and press the button for the tenth floor, I wait for the ding and remind myself I can do this. The first day of anything jitters are the worse. I’m always so nervous and afraid I’ll say something wrong or trip and fall like an idiot. When the ding rings in my ear, I step off the elevator and see the receptionist. “Good morning,” I tell her. “Good morning. How may I help you?” “I’m Hannah Harris and today’s my first day.” “Ah, yes. Welcome to Brown, Clarke, and Davis INC. I’m Connie, and I’ll show you where to go. Mr. Davis is waiting for you in his office. Let me show you the way.” I nod and follow her down the hall and to the right. Everything in the office is contemporary and professional. I’m glad I’m wearing what I am today. “Right this way,” Connie tells me. Butterflies tickle my stomach when I see his name on the office door. Austen Davis. The door’s open and I see him behind his desk on the computer. From where I’m standing, he’s the spitting image of Logan. “Good morning, Mr. Davis. I have Hannah Harris here for you.” He looks up from his computer and a smile plays on his face. They even have the same

damn smile. “Ah, good morning, Hannah. Thank you, Connie, I can handle it from here.” When she leaves us in the office alone, I walk up to him and we meet halfway. “I like that,” he says to me. “You’re early and not right on time.” “That’s my motto about work.” “Good. Please, have a seat.” I do as he says and when he sits down he lets me know about my duties and expectations. It’s nothing hard or out of the ordinary. “I’ll show you to your desk. Take the time to get settled at and I’ll see you back here for a meeting at ten. It’ll be a few hours, so be prepared. You’ll have an iPad and everything you need at your desk. Please let me know if there are any questions.” “Will do, and thank you again for this opportunity, Mr. Davis.” “My pleasure. I apologize this is all we have for now, but I think you’ll be a great asset to this company. With your previous experience and letters of recommendation, I don’t see you being in this position for long. Patience, Ms. Harris, is a virtue. Like I tell my son, in life we have to work hard, and we can’t expect the world to give us everything we think we deserve.” “That’s such great advice.” “Do you know my son, Logan?” “I do. We met when I was here to visit and hung out on Saturday. He has no idea I work here.” “Ah. Well, he’s the head of the developmental department and does a fine job.” “That’s great, Mr. Davis.” “Call me Austen.” He gives me a warm smile and shows me to my desk before heading back to his. “I’ll show you to his office later today.” I wipe my hands on my skirt and try to maintain my composure. “Sure. That sounds good.” “Delightful.” I don’t miss the smile on his face. I let out an internal groan.



BY THE END of the day, Austen hasn’t brought me to Logan’s office and I’m absolutely fine with that. It’s my first day and I’d rather not face him… yet. I know it’ll happen soon. I’m exhausted when I pack up my things and head out for the day. There were so many meetings and notes to write on the iPad. I finish the last and send an email to Austen before grabbing my things and heading out. When I wander away from my desk, into the

lobby, and toward the elevator, every nerve is on high alert. There’s a vague, familiar, and manly cologne. The reception desk is empty and the lobby’s quiet. I scan the empty reception area again, but everything appears to be in tidy order-potted plants, a rack of brochures, and a sitting space framed by soaring windows overlooking the city. I let out a self-scolding snort. I’m being silly. It’s been a long day. I press the down button for the elevator, and bring my hand back to get my phone from my purse so I can text Eden and let her know I’m on my way home. I step onto the elevator, my gaze shifting back and forth between my phone screen and the elevator panel, and punch one for the bottom level. “Hello, Hannah.” The instant the deep voice caresses my ears, I whirl around to find Logan Davis standing next to me. A pinched expression and narrow eyes stare at me and I look down his body, noticing the custom tailor black suit that shows off his broad shoulders and trim waist. “I’d like to take you somewhere.” Crap.

Chapter 11

Logan

WHEN I GOT the text message from my father regarding his personal assistant and that it’s Hannah, I cursed my day full of meetings and vow that I’ll connect with her before she leaves for the day. She’s one of the few remaining in the office, and like a stalker I follow her to the elevator. She’s texting on her phone and not paying attention— until we’re both on the elevator. “Hello, Hannah.” Her body freezes, and her eyes widen, calling me closer. “I’d like to take you somewhere.” “Hey, Logan. Sure, where to?” As soon as we’re outside, I automatically place my hand on the small of her back, and desire runs through my body, straight to my sleepy cock. I quickly ignore it and guide her down the street to a nearby cafe. She’s quiet, and I catch her looking at me. We get to the cafe and sit outside. When the server brings us our menus, I set mine down and wait for Hannah to decide on what she wants. “So, what would you like to order?” “The passion fruit tea and the fruit and cheese platter. I had a rather big lunch thanks to Eden so I’m not too hungry.” “That sounds good. I’ll order the same.” I tell her, and get the server’s attention and put in our orders. Once he leaves, I turn my attention back to Hannah. “I like the idea of you working at my father’s company. It’s a great place to grow. There are people who’ve been working there for almost thirty years, including a few people who started with my father.” “That’s truly comforting to know. I like him. He’s really nice, and he helped me understand the company and his expectations. Sure, I’m just an assistant…” “You’re more than that, Hannah. Don’t ever think you’re just an assistant. You bring something to the company my father sees, and I believe you’ll grow and climb the career ladder.”

“You think so?” Her cheeks turn pink and it’s the cutest thing. “That’s really sweet of you to say, but you don’t have to pretend to be nice to me.” “Hannah?” “Yeah?” “I’m not pretending. Why do you think that?” I abruptly ask. “Think what?” “That I’m pretending to be nice to you.” Our drinks are placed on the table and Hannah grabs for hers and I watch her place her straw in the cup as she leans down, wraps her lips around the straw, and drinks. “I don’t know, to be honest. I just said it. It really doesn’t matter, anyway.” Her sudden disregard of the topic doesn’t sit well with me. I’d like to know where her head’s at and why she doesn’t want to explain herself. “Whatever you think matters.” She toys with her glass and looks up before she says, “Well, the other night I thought things were going well, and then you changed. You pulled away from me and shut me out.” “There’s a lot about me you don’t know.” “Well, we’re here together,” she declares, making an obvious point, “so explain what happened.” “I know you said I can talk to you, and I appreciate it very much. There are some things I’m not fully ready to talk about. I wish I can bare myself to you so you can understand. At this time, I can’t.” I lean forward, my fingers barely grazing hers. “I like you. You’re fun to be around and I enjoy our talks.” “I like our talks too.” She smiles and leans back in her chair. When our appetizers are served, I ask her more about her day and notice how animated she is, talking about the meetings and how my father’s helping her. When the bill is paid, I walk her to her car and the words about asking her to dinner are at the tip of my tongue. I’d like to spend more time with her. When I turn to look at her, I can’t stop staring into her deep emerald colored eyes. Her head cocks a little to the side and I notice the honey color iris of her eyes. It’s beautiful. My fingers slip under her chin and I turn her head my way so I can see her eyes again. My touch surprises her and she moves away from me. It’s a good thing that she does. I have no right to touch her, and I’m glad she stopped me. “Have dinner with me tonight. You said you’d show me around town as soon as I got settled in, so tonight’s perfect.” Her face heats up when those words leave her lips. It’s as though she can read my mind. She’s taking what I’m thinking, what I want to say, and is saying it for me.

“I’d like that very much, but not tonight. If you don’t mind I’d like to take you out some other time.” She nods. “Okay sounds good.” When I gaze into her eyes, she’s looking back at me, waiting for more answers, answers I can’t give her. Neither of us says anything, and I notice her hand reaching for her car door handle. She wants to leave and I need to let her. I need to move aside, open her car door for her, and then close it. Only I don’t move and find my hand on hers. I’m a selfish man and her magnetic pull is too much for me. I step closer to her until her body hits the side of her car. “I’ll see you soon, friend.” I lean down until my lips are inches from hers. My voice is a low whisper, and I can smell her sweetness. I wonder if she smells sweet all over. A sense of nervousness pulls me back, and I give her a smile. “Have a good night.” “You too,” she tells me before I walk away and leave her to catch her breath.



EVERYTHING’S FOGGY IN my mind right now and I love it. Before heading out for the night, I drank half a bottle of whiskey and took a taxi to meet Cal at the lounge. “You good?” I look to see Cal standing next to me at the bar. “Yeah.” “Be careful, man. Seriously. Don’t leave here and try to get your own ride. You’re too drunk to know what you’re doing. If you want to leave then I’ll call Lincoln to come get you.” “I’m good.” I reassure him. After an hour, I’m feeling the full effects from the alcohol. When I sit down in the lounge area and spread out my arms to get comfortable, a leggy blonde woman comes over and sits down on my lap. “Hi, baby. Haven’t seen you here before.” Her cheap perfume gives me a slight headache and when she presses her chapped lips on my neck I move away. “Just here to relax.” When her hand presses on my chest and the other rests on my stomach, she lifts her leg over the other and thrusts her body against mine.

“So do your plans include me tonight?” I turn to face her and let her know what I think. “That’s not happening. If you can get off me I’d appreciate that. You aren’t my type.” The nameless woman’s eyes narrow and she pushes off me and stalks off. A few people come in the lounge and sit near me. They try to talk to me and engage me into conversation. I nod and smile, but my mind goes to Hannah. I wonder what she’s doing tonight. Hannah. Instead of coming out here with Cal I should’ve taken her offer and took her out to dinner. She’s right. We’re friends. I excuse myself from the group of people and walk toward the bar. I look around and I don’t see Cal. When I don’t see him or anyone I know, I head out and hail a taxi. “Where to, boss?” he asks. I give him the directions to the cemetery. It’s only a short drive there. I stumble out of the taxi and hand him a one hundred dollar bill. “I need you to stay here for a few minutes. I won’t be long. If you wait, then there’s another hundred waiting for you.” He salutes me. “Sure thing, boss.” “Thanks, man.” I tap on the driver’s side door and make my way down the path toward Shannon’s grave. My parents come to see her whenever they get the chance. I notice the fresh roses and sit down, my back against her tombstone because it’s too difficult to read the words I fight to fully accept. “If you’re watching me right now I’m sure you’re shaking your head,” I start to say. “Things haven’t been the greatest.” I go on about the company, being home, Lincoln and Eden, and then Hannah. “She’s sweet and I think you’d like her. There’s a pull I feel when I’m with her. As many times as I tell myself to be her friend I think I want more, but how do I know it’s time to move on? I’m not trying to replace you, I never could. Is it okay to move on? I’m greeted with silence in the darkness. My eyes blur and all I want is to lay down. The drunken haze swallows me and I know I should get up and go home. My mind is in and out, and I notice how quiet it is tonight, and how clear the skies are. Everything around me is peaceful. My vision slightly blurs again and my stomach churns. A painful tightness closes my throat. My breathing becomes ragged and I no longer am aware of where I am. I tip my head back hard against the cold stone and instant pain shoots through my head down my body. Blackness overcomes me and I can’t focus anymore. I crumble to the ground as I see black.



Chapter 12

Logan

A SOFT, FEMININE scent slowly wakes me, but it smells too good to wake up. I can’t describe the scent. It’s sexy, and something I want to know. I’m not ready to wake up, because if I do then the scent that’s reminding me of Hannah is going to vanish, and I’ll be left with my past and pain. Gone. Gone. Never coming back. Never coming back. Consciousness slowly creeps back, and the intoxicating fragrance is replaced by the stench of antiseptic and death. Then it hits me. I’m not home or where I need to be. I’m in a white room with machines. I’m in a hospital. My breathing quickens and my chest aches. “Why am I here?” My throat hurts and my voice is hoarse. “Can I get some water?” Looking around, I see that there’s a white board on the wall with information regarding my doctors and nurses. Closing my eyes again, I do everything I can to think about what happened to me. Everything is hazy and my head is cloudy. “Why, hello, Mr. Davis. You look well. How are you feeling?” A chirpy blonde nurse comes in and comes to the side of my hospital bed. She’s checking my vitals and does what she needs to. I don’t disrupt her until she’s done. “Can you tell me what happened? I don’t remember much of last night.” “Mr. Davis, a cab driver found you unconscious at a grave and immediately called 911. As soon as you arrived you were screaming for Hannah. I was here when you first arrived so I looked through your phone and found her number. She was here a moment ago. I’m guessing she’s getting herself a cup of coffee and something to eat. You’ve been sleeping for nearly eleven hours. “Oh.”

“You were in pretty bad shape.” I’m not sure what else to say so I watch as Nurse Julia, that’s what it says on her name tag, continues taking my vitals. She gives me a warm smile. “Since you’re awake I’ll let the doctor know. Your vitals seem good so you should be discharged soon.” “If you were working when I got here why are you still here?” She laughs. “The life of a nurse is never-ending. I like to compare what I do to being a mother. Plus, I just got in when you arrived so I only have a few more hours until it’s time to go home to my babies.” “That sounds nice,” I tell her. “Thank you.” “You’re very welcome. Try and relax a little.” “I’ll try.” She leaves, and a man in a white lab coat enters the room. I assume he’s my doctor. “Hello there, Mr. Davis. I’m one of your attending doctors, Dr. O’Malley. Let’s take a look at how you’re doing.” “Sounds good.” He nods, and tells me how I’ve been doing. “You were admitted for alcohol poisoning. We had to pump your stomach and you’ve been asleep since you got here which was around three this morning.” “Will I be able to go home soon?” He nods. “I don’t see why not. We have to make sure you aren’t dehydrated so it’ll be a few more hours.” “Okay,” is all I can say before Hannah walks in and my attention is instantly drawn to her. Her long, blonde hair is wavy, and those emerald-green eyes look at me. Hannah. Dr. O’Malley reviews the papers and continues talking about my vitals and what he wants. I’m not paying attention to a word he’s saying. Even though I’m looking at him, I’m focused on Hannah. In her hands she’s holding a teddy bear with balloons that say “Get Well Soon.” Her body is slim and petite and she’s beyond gorgeous. Her flawless beauty is ethereal. I’m at a loss of words as I gaze at her. I can’t take my eyes off her. Her eyes. Her gentle smile. My gut tightens and I can’t look away from her. Everything about her is pulling me in, screaming for me to talk, to say something. But like the jerk I am, my eyes land on her perky boobs. Small, petite body with perky boobs.

“Once we do another round of vitals in a few hours you should be good to go. Do you have any questions, Mr. Davis.” “None at this time,” I answer. “Thank you, doctor.” “Not a problem.” He walks out of my room and Hannah walks over to a side of the bed and sets down the gifts on the table. I’m watching her move. “There,” she turns to face me and radiates with sweetness, “now this room doesn’t look so sterile and plain.” Her tender hand is on mine. I watch her take a seat and her hand is still on mine. She beams sweetly and squeezes my hand with slight pressure. “You look so much better than you did when I first got here. I had Lincoln go to your house and grab clothes and whatever else you might need.” “Thanks.” I watch her hand on mine and don’t move away. “I’m told you were called and immediately came?” “Yes. They called me around three and I got here as soon as I could. I called your parents too.” “What’d they have to say?” I move myself up more so I’m sitting in a comfortable position. “I talked to your dad. He’s so worried, Logan. Like I am.” Her voice is low and as much as I don’t want her to care, it’s nice knowing she does. “You’re worried?” She nods. “I am. I know it seems weird since we just met, but what I saw,” she pauses, and takes in a deep breath. “It’s not something I’d like to see again.” “I’m sorry I put you through that.” Our hands are still entwined so I take the opportunity to bring her hand to my lips. “Are you okay?” “I don’t know, to be honest. I think it’s because I had flashbacks of seeing you like that. My brother, Michael, OD’d almost two years ago. I found him in his room, and I did everything I could to revive him. He died before I got to him. I don’t want that for you and your family. Losing Michael broke our hearts, and we’ve not been the same. I was talking to your dad and he told me a little about you.” “I’m sorry to hear about your brother.” I try to move, but I wince from the pain in my chest and head. “Don’t move so much. Let your body rest. It’s been through a lot.” “Yeah,” I mumble. “So what did he say about me?” “That you’re a brilliant man with so much to offer the world, but you’re so lost. He talked about you and the success you’ve built at the company.” “Yeah,” is all I can say before I face away from her. I don’t have the energy to fight or

continue this conversation. I know how my parents see me. “I had to tell them I was your girlfriend so they’d let me stay.” Her soft giggles fill the hospital room and I like it. “Being at the hospital sucks. Do you know how many times I heard people screaming and crying. Thank goodness they got you out of the Emergency Room and into an observation room. If I had to stay in the ER for another minute I think I would’ve lost it. There was one patient who ran down the hall naked. You can’t unsee that.” “You’re getting nervous again.” She peeks over to me. “I can tell because you’re rambling.” “You make me nervous.” “Why?” “I’m not really sure, to be honest.” She blushes and looks away. “If it makes you feel better, you make me nervous, too.” We stare at each other and neither of us says anything. Here I am in a hospital bed, and I’m with this girl who’s too good and too pure. If she knew what I was thinking about, with her perky boobs and pouty lips, she’d run and scream and I’d never see her again. “I don’t mean to be rude at all, Hannah, so please don’t take it that way.” “Okay.” “I appreciate you being here with me and staying until I’m up. This isn’t a good time for me and I’d like to be alone.” She looks at me with her big, addicting eyes. Her face is so expressive and I can see what she’s thinking by studying her and taking her in. “I appreciate your honesty, but I’m not leaving.” She brightly smiles. “You’re stuck with me, friend. I mean, that’s what we agreed to. Plus the nurses told me you were calling for me and it makes me wonder why.” Her comment sinks in and I’m not entirely sure what to say. “Maybe my subconscious knows more than I do.” “I guess so,” she responds and I watch her move things around in the room, and after a few moments, she sits back down on the chair next to my bed and pulls out an iPad. “What are you doing?” “Reading. There’s this book that literally makes me swoon every time I read it.” “Swoon?” I chuckle. “How so?” “The main character, Archer, is a mute, and he lives alone. He’s been through so much in his life, and everyone in town just lets him be until Bree moves there and pushes herself into his life. They become friends and open up to one another, then they fall in love and…” She sighs and hugs her iPad. “It’s just an amazing and epic love story.” She closes her eyes and leans back in the chair.

“Wow, that sounds lame.” She glares at me, scrunching her face, and I’m about to die. If looks can kill, the monitors would flatline and doctors and nurses would be running in to save me. The expression on her face is the cutest damn thing I’ve seen. “Oh, come on! Swoon! You know what that feeling is, right?” “Swoon? Nope. Can’t say I’ve fainted from extreme emotion, but good to know.” She rolls her eyes. “Whatever. You’re just jealous.” I press my hand to my chest, mocking her with a smirk. “Of who?” “Archer.” I hold my stomach and die laughing. “Archer? The guy in your book? Oh, yeah, so jealous of a fictional character.” “Just go back to sleep. You’re bothering me.” “Have fun with Archer,” I tell her and turn on my side, watching her read. “Suddenly I don’t feel like sleeping. Do you mind reading to me? I’d like to know what’s so special about Archer and why he makes you swoon.” “Of course.” Hannah reads for a while before Dr. O’Malley and a new nurse come in. She excuses herself and tells me she’ll be back when they’re done. “How are you feeling now, Mr. Davis?” the doctor asks. “A little sore and dizzy.” “That’s normal. We can give you ibuprofen to help ease the dizziness.” “Thank you,” I nod and rest while they complete their check. “Your girlfriend is so cute,” the nurse says as she wraps the blood pressure cuff around my arm before pressing a button on the machine to take my blood pressure. I don’t correct her.

Chapter 13

Hannah

LOGAN’S RESTING IN his bedroom and I’m downstairs in his living room. I couldn’t get ahold of Lincoln or Eden to take him back home and didn’t want to leave him alone through the night. The morning sun seeps through the living room bay windows, waking me up from my restless sleep, and slowly I get up, stretching my arms over my head. After sitting for a few moments, I head upstairs to check on Logan and make sure he’s okay. Step by step, I’m carefully walking so I’m not making too much noise. Poor guy needs his sleep after the last few days. The door to his bedroom is still open, from when I put him to bed yesterday, and I peek in to see he’s still sleeping. His muscular arm is over his face and I can hear his calm breathing. There’s something about him that’s making me fall in like—because I’m not falling in love. I barely know him, but I’m definitely developing strong, passionate feelings for him. When I’m back downstairs, I reach in my purse for my iPad so I can distract myself with Netflix for a few hours. The front door to Logan’s house opens and for a moment I freeze and wonder who’s here. When I get up from the couch and make my way to the foyer, I’m greeted by a beautiful woman with short, dark hair like Logan’s, and deep, brown eyes. She’s carrying a few bags, so I help her. “Hello, dear. Good morning.” She smiles and I help her put the bags down on the counter in the kitchen so she can relax. “We haven’t met. I’m Joanne Davis, Logan’s mom.” I extend my hand to her. “It’s so nice to meet you. I’m Hannah Harris, your husband’s assistant.” “I know, dear. He talks so highly of you, and he told me you would be here. I’m sorry we’re meeting like this. How’s Logan doing?” “He’s asleep in his bedroom.” “Did you stay with him all night?” I nod “On the couch?” I nod again. “Thank you for staying last night. It means so much to us. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to go to the hospital and meet you yesterday. It’s hard to see Logan in that state,” she whispers, and carefully goes to sit down at the kitchen table. “My heart aches for my son,” she says

while keeping her sights outside the window, “my beautiful son is lost, and as a mother I’m lost, as well. We never want to see our children suffering. If I could take his pain and place it on my shoulders, and bare it for all eternity I would without hesitation. He’s a good man with an enormous heart.” “I know,” I reassure her. “We just met and he’s a really sweet guy. He tries to be scary, but I like being around him.” Joanne looks over her shoulder and smiles at me, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. The hurting is evident by the way her lips faintly tremble and how glassy her eyes look. This poor woman. I get the sorrow she’s going through to an extent, but to be a parent and be in her shoes, I don’t think I could ever understand the agony of watching your child go through pain. Seeing Joanne makes me think of my own parents and what they must have endured when Michael lost himself to the demons of drugs and alcohol. “I can tell. Please sit down. Let’s talk. I’d like to get to know you more.” I do as she says and give her a little background about myself-about college, my internships, my hopes while at the company, and some things I like to do. “You sound like Logan,” she says. “When Austen retires, which will happen soon, we hope to give the company to Logan and watch him in his element. He’s been working for his father for many years and we’re so proud of him.” It’s nice to meet her and talk to her. She’s so sweet, and I can tell she loves Logan with her whole heart from the way she’s talking about him. Hearing her talk about him makes me think of how my mom used to talk about Michael. Oh, Michael, I miss you so much. While we’re talking, Austen comes into the kitchen and grins at the sight of us talking. I need a little break, so I excuse myself, head down the hall and outside to get some fresh air. Since his parents are here I should go home to rest, shower, eat, and then come back. Before I make it back inside to let them know I’m going to leave, my phone vibrates in my jeans pocket. I take it out and check to see who the text is from, I let out a groan. Aaron DICKFACE: Hey. How are you? I’ve been thinking about you… Me: I rather you didn’t. Aaron DICKFACE: I don’t know why I can’t get you out of my head. I fucked up and I know this. It took you walking away from me to realize how much I need you. How much I miss you. I’d do anything for another chance. Please. I’m begging you. I don’t want this one mistake to push away all the years we had together. All of our memories, our love… Everything.

It takes me a few minutes to gather my thoughts. Aaron means a lot to me. He was my first serious boyfriend, my first love, but after leaving him, I realized that he’s also my security blanket and someone I thought would give me a good future. In so many ways, I forgive him because without him I wouldn’t know what it’s like to grow outside my

bubble. I do forgive him, but it’s time for us both to move on. Me: I’ll never forget what you did. But I do forgive you. I don’t regret the years we had together because it was amazing. After leaving you I realized that you’re my security. Because of you I’m a little more open and confident. I can stand on my own two feet. I’m not the shy girl you met when I was 17 years old. I’ve grown, and you’re a huge part of my growth. I realized the love I have for you isn’t the passionate and burning love I long for. I do love you and I’ll always love you. Maybe one day we can be friends. For now, I want the best for you.

Those ellipses come up, and instead of waiting for him to respond, I lock my phone and turn it face down on my lap. I need a few minutes to regain my composure. A warm hand rests on my shoulder, and I glance up to see it’s Joanne. Her eyes are the same as Logan’s. I can see how alike they are, and instantly I miss him. “How’s he doing?” I ask as Joanne guides me to sit on the wooden rocking chair I didn’t initially notice. The both of us sit down and I discreetly turn off my phone. “He’s awake. We talked a bit. My son is very stubborn and doesn’t listen well.” She softly laughs. “It’s curious, though.” “What is?” “When he woke up, he looked around the room as if he was searching for someone.” The corners of her mouth tip up and her eyes sparkle, and I try to control the heat to my cheeks. No one else has been staying with Logan. Only me. I wonder if he’s looking for me. Should I go see him? What should I do? Joanne clears her throat and grabs my attention once more. “There’s something in Logan that’s come back. I can’t really say what it is, but a piece of him that was lost is back.” “I’m not sure I’m following what you’re saying, Mrs. Davis.” I carefully think about what I want to say next. “Can you explain what you’re trying to say? Sorry I don’t mean to be rude.” “Joanne, dear. Call me Joanne. And no, you aren’t being rude.” “I’m really confused, Joanne.” She has my full attention and I’m not entirely sure if I want to know where she’s going with this conversation. Her eyes are soft, filled with an inner glow and places her hand on my knee. “I think in time you’ll see what I mean. For now, be aware of his mood and nasty words. I’ve scolded him and threatened to take away his plane.” This time, she covers her mouth and lets out a wicked giggle. “My son loves to travel. It’s a shame he hasn’t been anywhere lately. Hmmm. Well, I’m off, dear. Have a nice night.” I tell her goodbye and watch her stride with grace to a car that’s waiting for her. Leaning back in the rocking chair, I peek at my phone again and see three messages from Aaron. I’m not in the mood to read his responses because Joanne’s words play on and on in my head.

There’s something in Logan that’s come back.

Chapter 14

Logan

THERE’S A VOICE message from Doctor Daly’s office that hasn’t been opened. I toss around the idea of calling him back to reschedule the appointment. I know I should. When I walk out of my bedroom and down the spiral steps, an awful, annoying, whiny song plays throughout my house. I find Hannah in the kitchen with her hair tied in a bun and she’s wearing comfortable clothes, tight black yoga pants and a yellow tank top. I lean against the counter and listen to her sing and watch her dance to the music playing. God, she’s adorable. The doorbell rings, pulling my attention away from the cute performance in front of me, and when I open the door, it’s not who I want to see or welcome in my house. “Are you okay?” she quietly asks, looking everywhere except at me. “Cal, he um, told me what happened.” “I’m good.” “Do you need—” “Logan!” Both of them say my name at the same time, and I turn around to see Hannah with a plate of food. When I turn to Paige, she’s eyeing Hannah, and I already know this shit’s not going to be good. Even though there’s nothing going on between Paige and me anymore, she’s always been territorial and I can already guess the assumptions she has going through her mind. “Did you hire a housekeeper?” Paige asks in a pissed-off tone while tipping her chin high and defiantly staring at Hannah with an icy scowl. “Or did you find some homeless, pathetic person to take care of? Jesus, Logan, you can’t help the stray, you know. Honestly, she looks like trouble. Did you get a background check on her?” “Paige. Enough.” “I’m sorry, do I know you?” Hannah asks with a feistiness to match Paige’s. “And who

the hell do you think you are calling me homeless?” The abruptness in her voice makes me almost double over laughing. I fight the urge to step in between these two. I fucking love her ferocity coming out so I back off. Paige crosses her arms and gives Hannah a pointed, menacing stare. “I wouldn’t want to know someone like you, anyway. You look like trouble,” she says with irritation and impatience. “So, this is your new slut? Got tired of me and threw me away? Nice, Logan.” “What are you talking about?” Hannah flares her nostrils and her face turns red. “I’m not anything like that. In case you’re wondering, I’m helping Logan because I’m his father’s new assistant, so we work together.” “Well, you can leave now because I’m here. He doesn’t need you,” she orders Hannah. “Seems like he’s the one that doesn’t need you. Can’t you see he just got home and you’re being here is giving him stress he doesn’t need. Logan needs to rest.” “Are you a fucking doctor?” Paige screeches and tries to come into the house, but I hold her back. Son of a bitch, I need to fix this. “You need to go home, Paige. Today’s not the damn day. I just got home from the hospital, and I don’t need this shit. I’m not your boyfriend.” “So, I’m what, Logan? Just the girl that you come to whenever you’re feeling down? The girl that you let suck your dick? The girl who makes you forget Shannon? Is that all that I am to you?” she cries. I turn to Hannah. Her gaze is fixed on me, her eyes wide. She’s standing still, holding her breath, as if her entire world hinges on my next words. I keep my gaze on her while I answer Paige. “This isn’t the time to discuss it. If you can’t be respectful to Hannah, then I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Then I turn to look at Paige and see the tears. This isn’t what I want. We’ve been through hell and I’m supposed to be there for her like she’s been for me, only I don’t need her anymore. It’s only fair to fully let her go so she’s able to move on and find her own happiness. I can’t be selfish and use her like I have been. This is all on me. “Go, Paige. I’m really sorry, but we’re done. If you need a friend, then I’m here for you.” I take the few steps to her until we’re inches away and place my hands on her shoulders. “I care about you and that’s why I’m doing this. I won’t forget what you’ve done for me. Please understand why I’m doing this.” Paige doesn’t say anything. She walks away. When I close the door, my attention’s on Hannah and I notice she’s smiling. “What?” “You cease to amaze me, Mr. Davis.” Her eyes raise to mine. “You had every right to lose your temper on her and instead you kept your calm. Interesting.”

“How so?” “Most guys would’ve tossed out their booty call.” I sigh, running my hand through my hair, and lighten my tone. “Paige is an old friend. She deserves more than my asshole temper. I owe that to her.” “Good for you.” I follow her and sit at the island. I’m wondering what she’s thinking and if seeing Paige is bothering her. “So do you have any questions?” She shrugs. “I mean, I do, but it’s none of my business. We’re just friends.” “If you want to know something then ask.” Hannah pauses before she answers me. “Whoever Paige was to you, I can tell by the way you two were she was someone important. If you need her to be there for you, then you shouldn’t let her walk away.” “Paige and I have a complicated history and it’s best to close it now so more feelings don’t get involved. I’ll be there for her as a friend because she does mean a great deal to me, but only as a friend. There’s someone else who seems to have my attention.” “Oh yeah?” she expresses. “Well, whoever this woman is, I hope you let her know so she doesn’t slip out of your grasp.” I get up from the bar stool, and walk over to her. Unable to keep my hands off her, I reach over and twirl a strand of her blonde hair. I know being this close to her is dangerous. I can’t help it. Hannah elicits a deep-seated hunger from inside me. I want her. I fucking need her. “Thanks for sticking around.” “No problem. That’s what friends are for.” “Yeah.” I like the sound of that. Hannah moves around my kitchen, putting a piece of steak and mashed potatoes with asparagus on plates, and I help her bring it to the dinner table. “Wow, this looks really good. Where did you learn to cook?” “Eden taught me a lot, especially when Michael died. My parents forgot how to live, and I had to take care of things around the house. He was their first born. Their boy. And the way he died…” she pauses and sighs. “It sucks. Even after almost two years, it’s hard to talk about.” “Since you’ve been there for me, let me be here for you, so whenever you need to talk and have someone to sit with you, I can be that person. Will you let me be that person for you?” “Yes I will. That’s really sweet of you.” She beams at me with bright eyes and a sparkle

I don’t miss. I like how freeing it is to be around her. There’s no judgment in her eyes. “I don’t know how to be your friend, if I can be honest. I’d like to learn and if you can show me what it’s like to be one to you it’d be nice. There’s a lot of shit that happened in my life that I’m not ready to talk about. It changed me, and sometimes I lash out and become an asshole. I’ll say sorry now because I know my apologies will be used a lot.” “Well, if you ever need someone to sit with, then I’ll be that person, and whenever you’re ready to open up, I’ll be here.” She reaches over and places her loving hand on top of mine. It lingers there for a few moments before I’m able to say anything. “Thank you.” Our eyes lock on one another. “That means a lot to me.” “You’re welcome. Now seriously, eat before the food gets cold!”



HANNAH LEAVES WHEN Lincoln gets here. Instead of going out to the bars or watching the game, we make it to the gym. It’s been a while since we worked out together, and since I don’t feel like being home, this is the better option. We hit the weights hard, and I’m benching the most I have in a while. It feels good to let out my frustration instead of drinking and drowning away my sorrows. “You up for talking?” Lincoln asks while we’re walking out to his car. “I’m good.” “Well, if you don’t tell me, that’s fine.” He laughs. “Eden’s keeping me in the loop.” “What’d she say?” Lincoln fills me in and I don’t say anything. I think about the way Hannah pushes me, and I want her to. I like having her around… in my life. But I know I could never get lost in Hannah. “You like her,” Lincoln points out. “Yeah.” I blink a few times before realizing what I admitted. Neither of us talk and Lincoln gets to my house and comes inside. We’re in the kitchen and he’s leaning against the counter and I hear him sigh. “What?” “As sweet as Hannah is, she’s not the one I’m worried about, man.” “What the hell are you talking about?” I grunt.

“You like her, but I know you’re keeping her in the friendzone. If you can’t let go of the guilt then you’ll never be happy.” “Yeah.” I nod. “I know. I get it.” I pause and hang my head. When I admit this, I’m not sure how I’ll feel. “It hurts, man. Moving on never really crossed my mine. I fucked these women and used Paige to forget, and now Hannah’s right in front of me. It scares the hell out of me to let Shannon go and let myself be happy again.” “No one said you have to let her go.” Logan continues talking, “It’s not healthy to be destructive and ignore the world. If Hannah makes you feel again, then take that and go forward. Shannon would want that for you. Maybe talking to her about Shannon will help.” I let what he suggests sink in. Its crossed my mind a few times and I wonder how she’d take it if I told her. “I know. You’re right.” “Okay, good. Then focus on Hannah. She’s good and she’ll be good for you. I’ve never seen you like this… Not even with Shannon.”



“LOGAN.” I turn around and see Shannon standing before me wearing a beautiful pearl white gown and her sleek black hair’s braided and hangs on the side of her face. “Shannon,” I breathe out her name and place my hand over my heart. “Is that you?” “It’s me. I’m here.” I try to move one foot forward, and am stuck in the spot. When I look down then back at her, she’s closer, but not close enough for me to reach out and touch her. “All I want is for you to be happy,” she says. “Be happy, Logan.” The distressed breathing fully wakes me. My eyes dart around my dark bedroom and I realize I’m alone. The dream feels real as if Shannon’s next to me and I can still hear her voice. Shaking away the dream, I try to go back to sleep. After tossing and turning I give up and sit up against the headboard. I reach over and grab my phone, noticing it’s a little past two. It’s late so I hope I’m not waking her up. Me: Hi. I hope I’m not waking you up.

I watch my cell phone screen for a few moments. The brightness keeps my eyes open and I ignore the exhaustion creeping over. I’m about to close out of the text message when I see the three ellipses on the screen.

Hannah: Hi. It’s okay. What’s going on? Me: I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking of something - pictures. Hannah: Pictures? Do you wanna become a photographer? Me: Haha. No. Do you ever wonder why people take pictures? Besides capturing memories. Hannah: I think that’s the only real reason. I take selfies when I’m having a great makeup and hair day and I’ll post it on my Instagram and Facebook to show people that I look good. LOL. But, no, the idea of taking pictures never has crossed my mind. Me: Did you keep pictures of you and your ex? Hannah: No. I burned everything before I left for NY. He’s in the past and someone I don’t want to remember. If we broke up and it was mutual, then I probably would’ve kept it. I caught him cheating and I didn’t wanna remember him. When you lose someone, it hurts, but sometimes it’s good to hold on to those memories to remember those moments. Am I making sense? Me: Complete sense. Thank you for that explanation. I’ll let you go back to bed. Thank you again, Hannah. Sweet dreams. Hannah: Sweet dreams, Logan. And if you ever want to talk about pictures again you can always text me. No matter what time it is. Me: Thank you. I mean it. Hannah: I mean it too.

Chapter 15

Hannah

BY THE TIME I finish straightening Logan’s house and making sure everything’s nice and put away, I run my fingers through my hair and head upstairs to find him still asleep. When I got here to check on him, he was just getting in too. His mood was off and he didn’t look at me or stay downstairs to talk. Instead, he grabbed a bottle of water and headed upstairs. I was confused so I worked until I finished reviewing the reports and organizing Austen’s schedule. There’s nothing out of place in his bedroom. It’s fairly simple with a king-sized bed, a dresser, French doors, which lead outside to a balcony, and two nightstands, one on each side of the bed. I don’t see any pictures. The walls are bare and white. There’s no personality or anything that shows who Logan is. Sitting on the edge of his bed, I look at how much pain he’s in. He’s lying on his side, facing away from the balcony, and one muscular arm is covering his face while the other is tucked underneath his pillow. His brows are tight and close together. An idea hits me, and I pull out my phone, open my music app, and play a song that might help him relax. I’m not sure why I pick this song, but the lyrics are so powerful and have so much meaning that I hope whatever it is he’s looking for he’ll find it. The song reaches the chorus, singing about being a mess and jumping in, and when they get lost, they’ll be found. I notice Logan relaxing, the tension swimming away from his body. Music is the gateway to our soul. With music, we’re able to feel the energy, the words which can cut us deep, make us realize and believe, and heal. Whatever mood I’m in, I always have music around me whenever I can. In the car, getting ready, relaxing, working out, or simply sitting around doing nothing at all. The words from the song have more power than people believe, and I think with music, Logan can heal from the demons that haunt him. Not wanting to be a creep, I head back downstairs and pull out chicken and vegetables from the fridge to make something for him tonight. The chicken’s in the oven and I have the vegetables on the warmer. It smells good in

here and honestly I’m about to wake Logan up so we can eat. I turn around when I hear someone clearing their throat from behind me. “What the hell are you doing?” His gravelly tone throws me off. “W-what?” “I asked you, what the hell are you doing?” His questions baffle me. I’m helping him like I have for the past few days since he was released from the hospital. His face is completely blank and expressionless. “I don’t understand your hostility right now. Is something wrong?” He pushes against the wall and saunters toward me. His brows dip together and he narrows his dark-brown eyes at me. “I don’t need you to come to my house and fix shit. I’m fine. Know your place, Hannah. You’re my father’s assistant. That’s it. An employee. I know what you’re fucking doing, and it’s not going to work.” “Wait, what?” I’m thoroughly confused and experiencing some whiplash with his moods. “I’m your friend. We’re friends. What am I doing that’s gotten you to stand there and accuse me of something that I’m apparently doing? What am I missing?” “You’re never going to be Shannon!” he roars, and comes close to me, giving me little room to move away. I’m caged like a helpless animal and I’m not sure what to anticipate. I jump back and cover my mouth to suppress the yelp erupting in my throat. As soon as her name slips from his lips, he flinches and shuts his eyes. Shannon. I remember Paige saying her name, so she obviously meant something to him. I wonder if this is someone he’s lost. Neither of us move. We’re both frozen. My eyes divert downward and then quickly back up to him. I’m trying to figure out why he’s upset with me. His mood has gone from sweet to cold and callous. I’m not a fan of this side of Logan. “I don’t know who Shannon is, but obviously she meant something to you since you’re acting like this.” He grunts. “It’s none of your business who she was, just know you’ll never be her. I don’t know who the fuck you are or how you knew things about her.” From the way he says that, I have a feeling she was more than a friend. Possibly a girlfriend or something more. “What are you talking about?” “The song! Shannon used to make me listen to that damn song every time we fought.” He laughs—no, cackles. “And now you’re having me listen to it?” “It’s a coincidence, Logan. I swear. I had no idea.”

He swings his gaze in a wild arc around the kitchen and then snaps it back to me. “I know what your game is, and you better fucking stop. I don’t need you to come over to my house to clean, straighten up, and then sneaking into my bedroom without permission.” He tosses my cell phone on the counter and the thud startles me. “Drop the act. No matter what the hell you do, you’ll never replace Shannon, so don’t try.” My throat closes and my eyes begin to sting. “Where’s all of this coming from? I know you’re going through a lot. All I want is to be here for you and be your friend.” His sarcastic and deep laugh reverberates in the room. “Everything you’re doing is too much. From staying with me in the hospital to helping out here at my house when I never asked you to. Then you’re making me food?” “I’m only trying to help. There’s no game or anything I’m doing that I wouldn’t do for a friend.” I keep the pace of my words steady so I don’t agitate him more. “Please calm down and listen to me. Listen to yourself. This is so wrong, Logan. I told you, we’re friends, and we just said we’d be there for one another.” He huffs and waves me off. “I changed my mind. I don’t want to be your friend. You can leave now. Your games are tiresome.” “I’m not playing you or any games!” “I don’t want you!” he roars, and his stance is fierce with fists by his side as his face is inches from mine. “I’ll never want you. To me, you’re an employee. A babysitter. Someone I don’t fucking want. Get the point now?” “Why are you being so cruel?” Wetness trails down my cheeks, and for a moment there’s a hint of remorse on his face. I’m fighting to control my breathing and emotions. I tell myself he’s been through a lot and the stress of everything is getting to him. That’s the only reason why he’s being like this. It has to be. How does he go from sweet and loving to this? I stumble backward. I have to get away from him and give him space. Each word splits through me and tears me apart. “All because I’m being helpful and nice doesn’t mean anything. Please don’t take my kindness for something that it isn’t, but I’m glad to know how little you think of me. Maybe we shouldn’t even be friends.” “Exactly. You’re finally fucking getting it.” “Wow,” I breathe out and shake my head. I race around him and grab my things from the barstool. “I’m an employee and I don’t mean anything. I’ll be sure to not forget this. If you need help, then find someone else because I won’t be answering your text messages. Have a great night.” I storm out of the kitchen, down the hall, and through the front door. I sense that his eyes are tracking me, but I don’t give him the satisfaction of looking over my shoulder to

let him know I want him to follow me. This is too much, and I’m sick of it. I’m worth more than his punching bag. When I get in my car, I want to slam my fists against the steering wheel and scream so I can let out my anger and frustrations. But instead, I glance up and see him framed in the front doorway. Nope. I won’t lose it. He won’t know the affect he has on me. When I get home, I strip out of my clothes and climb into bed. I pull out my phone and pick a random song. It’s about not being able to shake off the person and I have to laugh. Literally, a full on belly laugh. Never again. I will never, ever speak to that arrogant asshole again.

Chapter 16

Hannah

THE MORNING SUN seeps into my bedroom, pushing me out of bed, and my eyes are puffy and red. I hate that I cried so much over someone who obviously doesn’t want me in his life. I walk through the entryway, into the living room, to the kitchen, and grab a bottle of water from the fridge. I peek over the counter, see Lincoln’s jacket slung over the barstool, and I wonder if he knows what went down between us. Last night was horrible. I locked myself in my room and listened to music all night. As much as I love my playlists, nothing made me feel better. Not even some Taylor Swift could cure the ache and hurt I was feeling. Am still feeling. If I’m being completely honest, I miss Logan and wish he could see past his demons. I don’t know where his mood came from, and I have my phone volume turned up just in case he tests me and apologizes. Yep, I’m a fool. After finding some Tylenol, I hear the ping from the company cell phone letting me know there’s an email waiting for me. I open the email from Austen. Good morning, Hannah, I want to let you know I’ll be working from California for the next few weeks. Joanne and I are extending the stay, as there is much to do here with the deal, and I’d do anything to make her happy. She loves California and the sun. We may even retire here when the time comes. I’d like you to assist Logan for the time being. The work I had for you will be transferred to Frank and he’ll handle it. It’s little, mindless work. I saw what you did for the Preston report and I’m quite impressed. You’ll be working and handling some meetings with Logan and reviewing more contracts and researching like you were doing for me.

I believe this is a great opportunity for you, Hannah. If there are any questions or concerns, you have my phone number. I’ll talk to you soon. Sincerely, Austen Davis My mouth drops. I’ll be working closely with Logan, and I have no idea how to handle this. Maybe I need to call in sick. I notice the CC field with his email and let out a loud groan. Why is this happening to me? Knowing Logan, he’ll probably think I had something to do with this and freak out on me again. I notice it’s getting late so I run from the kitchen to my bedroom, and choose my outfit for work. In thirty minutes—the fastest I’ve ever gotten ready, thank you very much—I’m in the car and heading to work. After parking my car, I grab the files I need for today and rush inside. Once I’m in my office, I sit down and boot my laptop. As soon as my email program is loaded, I check to see if there are any more updates from Austen before getting up and walking to Logan’s office. His door is closed, so I knock a few times before going in. He’s not in yet and I let out a sigh of relief. I need this time to calm down and tell myself I’m a professional. Whatever’s going on between us is at the door. I’m here to do work and work I’ll do. When I get back in my office, there are a few text messages waiting for me. Logan: I won’t be coming in today. I’ll email you the reports needed to be reviewed. I expect it done and errorless by 5 p.m. today. Me: Okay. Will do.

As soon as I send the text, I gather everything I have for the client and put it together. The morning’s going by without any issues, and I’m so thankful to not see Logan. We may be handling this in an immature manner, but frankly I don’t give a shit. He’s the one who has issues, while I was trying to make it easier for him. After lunch, I come back to my desk and my phone vibrates, indicating six new messages. All from Logan. Ugh. Logan: The Frankfort report looks flawless. Logan: Thank you. Logan: How are you doing?



I roll my eyes hard when I read his third text. Really? He’s asking how I am. I should ask how he is doing. Whip freaking lash. And he’s accusing me of the one playing games. I shake my head and wonder if I should read the rest of his text messages, and of course I do. Sitting up straight, I open the next message and my eyes widen in disbelief. I have to read the message two more times to make sure I read it correctly and my mind isn’t playing tricks on me. Logan: I’d like to talk if you’re up for it. I shouldn’t have gone off on you last night. It was wrong and I’m thoroughly sorry and ashamed. Logan: Eden yelled at me pretty bad. Lincoln came over last night after you left and we talked. Then he told Eden, and she showed up at my front door. It was pretty funny actually. But, no, it wasn’t, because she made me see how big of an asshole I am to my friend… Someone who truly cares for me. Logan: Check your email.

I put my phone down and check my email. It’s from him. I hesitate because I know his words are going to most likely make me melt the way he did from his text. Instead of checking the email, I scroll through my contacts and press Eden’s number. She answers on the second ring. “Did I ever tell you how much I love you?” “Mmmm, not today.” She laughs. “I’m assuming Logan texted you.” “Meh.” “Okay, want to hear my thoughts?” “Please.” I hear her sigh and running water in the background before she starts talking and takes me by surprise. “I think you should forgive him. While I was bitching him out, he was really quiet and didn’t look at me. His whole body was slouched like I gave him the worst news in the world. I think he’s feeling shitty for how he treated you and he’s realizing it now. I yelled at him for about ten minutes, and trust me, I made him feel like shit, girl. So anyways, after I was done, he hung his head and said I was right, which I mean, hello, I always am.” “He said that?” “Yep.” She pops the p. “When he looked up at me, I swear I almost started crying. He told me there’s so much he wants to tell you, but he doesn’t know how, so the only thing he knows is to push and be left alone. Lincoln said he’s been through a lot, but he also mentioned you’ve made some sort of impact on his life. No matter what he’s gone through, I truly think you’re in his life to help him.” “Whoa. What? Where the hell is my best friend?” “Hush!”

“Okay.” I sigh. “I guess you’re right. I don’t know, I mean, what he said to me last night was pretty fucked up.” “I know.” “I care about him, Eden. And I know I’m definitely falling for him.” “I know you are. Just be careful. You just got out of a long-term relationship. Maybe you’re seeing him as a rebound, ya know, a distraction to get over Aaron.” “I don’t think so. I get what you’re saying, truly I do, but my feelings for Logan are deeper than I’ve ever felt with Aaron. I want to give him a second chance…” “Please do.” The deep, sexy tone pulls my attention from Eden, and I tell her I’ll call her later. Standing before me is Logan. He’s wearing a casual outfit—faded jeans, Converse shoes, and a plain gray t-shirt. Even though he’s not dressed up, he still looks so good. I watch his slow strides and I swear every part of me is on fire. He sits down in front of my desk. His eyes don’t move from mine and I’m speechless. The asshole’s lips curve into a slow, sexy smile, and I know he’s caught me staring. The blazing intense gaze has me falling into him, wanting him again, and forgetting last night. “Why are you here?” First he takes a slow moment to continue his intense gaze before getting up from the chair, circling my desk, and leaning down so both of his hands are resting on each side of me. I notice the way he’s taking me in, all of me, and then within seconds his lips are barely touching my ear. My body responds to his, craving for more of his touch, and shivering to the closeness. “I’ve been waiting to hear back from you,” he explains. The tone of his voice is calm, but I detect a little urgency buried deep inside that he’s trying hard to hide. “I want you to know how sorry I am, so when I didn’t hear back from you, I thought it best to come down to the office and talk to you. Face to face.” I clear my throat and pray for the building to collapse or something. Wait, no. Not collapse, but maybe a fire drill so we can all exit in a timely manner and I can get fresh air. “Say something. Please.”

Chapter 17

Logan

WHEN I STRAIGHTEN myself, hating that I’m not close to her anymore, I’m staring at this beautiful woman who should tell me to get the fuck out of her office, to leave her alone, and never think about talking to her again. But my selfishness puts me in this spot. Ready to beg for her forgiveness and open a part of me I haven’t done in a while. “When you left, the void was stronger in my home. The annoying songs weren’t playing and there wasn’t someone beautiful dancing in my kitchen. I miss our talks and how you listen to me even when I text you about pictures. I know you’re not playing games with me.” “I’m glad you realize that,” she says, and keeps her eyes on me, never glancing away. “I want you to understand I’m not perfect.” “I don’t want perfect. When are you going to see that?” “I want to give you perfect. You deserve perfect. You deserve it all.” I study Hannah and frown, noticing the creases in her forehead, as if what I’m telling her isn’t what she’s heard before. “You don’t know me. How do you even know what I deserve?” “Because…” I slowly move closer again, cupping her cheek and keeping her eyes on me. I need her to see me the way I need to see her. “When I look at you, I see someone with a big heart, and someone who loves to make other people happy.” Guilt overcomes me, but it’s not as powerful as before. Slowly, since Hannah came into my life, it’s getting easier to breathe. I know I have a long way to go. To fully accept this, to let her in, is what life is about. My body craves her in a way it never did for Shannon. My heart beats wildly when she smiles, and my mind goes on a roller coaster ride when I listen to that song she played in my room. “I want you to know how sorry I am, and I’ll keep apologizing until you can see that. I’m Jekyll and Hyde. I want to open up to you, but there’s this guilt about my past that I’m not ready to explain or let you in on yet. I know I’m pushing you away and then pulling you back in. You have every right to say screw it, and we can go back to having a

professional relationship. I hope that’s not what you want, though.” She sighs again and leans back into her chair, her hands scrunching her hair and her chest rising and falling. “I get what you’re saying. I truly do. It hurts me to think you would think about me in that way. I’m not doing anything to replace Shannon or take you away from her. Hell, I have no idea who Shannon is, and I told you whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m here. Listen, I care so much about you, and I am falling for you. But, I know my self-worth, and I won’t stand for being treated that way. One minute you start to open up, and then the next you’re in a fit of rage. I get whiplash from your emotions. I’m going to finish up in the office then I’ll talk to you later. Okay?” I can see anything I’m about to tell her won’t do any good, so I give her a nod and walk out of her office. There’s only one place I need to go to get my head on straight. When I arrive at the house, I follow the familiar driveway to the stony mosaic path, and once I’m on the front porch, I lift my hand and knock two times. The door opens to a scowling, pissed-off woman, standing before me with her arms crossed. “And?” “She needs time,” I slowly mutter, and when she moves aside, I step inside and sit on their soft couch, waiting to get my ass chewed out. “You need to understand she’s not experienced with dating. She’s only had one serious boyfriend and has only been with one guy. I told her I think she’s using you as a rebound.” This gets my attention. “But I don’t think she has the heart to do that. The thing about Hannah is when she loves or cares about someone, she’s all in. All. In. So stop hurting her. Even though you might not be doing it intentionally, you need to give her space and realize she’s not some toy you can toss around and pull out when you feel like playing with it.” I’m too ashamed to look at Eden, so I keep my head down. I hear some shuffling and look to see Lincoln telling Eden something. I listen closely and he’s asking her to give him a few minutes before she comes to talk to me. Blowing out a breath, I watch Lincoln move around in his living room, circling the couch, until he’s sitting down across from me. “You look like shit.” “I feel like shit.” My heart shatters. I think about the way I treated her and accused her of doing something she clearly wasn’t. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” “It’s pretty simple to understand,” he explains. “You’re falling for her and you’re too

blind to see that because you’re afraid. She’s not Shannon. What happened to her was a tragedy. I’m still sad thinking about how I won’t see her again, either. You’re not the only one hurting. I loved her like a sister, man.” “I know.” “So, make it right.” A frustrated moan escapes me and I get up from the couch and walk to the windows. I move the curtains and take a moment to gaze at the world around me. The street’s quiet. Some cars are parked in their respective driveways and there are a few people out running, walking their dog, and working in their yards. Life is going by while I’m frozen in the past. I’m holding on so tight because if I let go, then I’ll forget her. And if I forget her, then I’ll wonder if she was real. “It might be too late. I said some fucked-up shit to her.” “The only way you’ll get her to forgive you is when you find it in yourself to open up to her. Let her in. She wants to be there for you.” I turn to Lincoln, cross my arms over my chest, and take in what he’s saying. “She’s seen you at your worst and is still hanging around. You’re falling in love with her, man. I can see it.” My response is natural as I nod and say the words I’ve been feeling. “Slowly, I’m falling in love with her. But I haven’t known her that long, yet every day it’s her on my mind.” When I close my eyes, I see Hannah. She’s all I see. She’s what makes sense in my crazy mind. If I don’t see her, a piece of me is missing, and until I see her or hear her voice, I can’t easily breathe. Before I can say anything, Eden walks in and huffs before sitting next to Lincoln. She eyes me up and down, and I’ve never felt as uneasy as I do right now. “You hurt my best friend. She’s vulnerable right now. This is her start over, so like I said before, if you don’t care about her, and if you think she’s some easy target, then leave her alone.” “I know, but I don’t see her like that.” “Really?” she questions. “I just got off the phone with her and she was in tears. She has no idea why she’s even crying, yet she is, and you’re over here pouring your heart out to Lincoln when you should be doing that to Hannah. I may not know what you’ve been through, but I know enough that your life hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been easy for Hannah, either. She lost her brother to drugs and had to support her parents during that time, along with finishing school. Losing a loved one is so hard, I can’t imagine it. But what you’re doing to her is wrong. Either man the fuck up or leave her alone, because as strong as Hannah may think she is, I know she’s about to break even more, and I don’t want to see that happen to my best friend.”

I take in everything Eden’s saying. She’s right. I need to figure this shit out now or leave her alone. I’ve already hurt two women, and I don’t want to add her to the list.

Chapter 18

Hannah

AFTER MY SHOWDOWN with Logan, the rest of the day goes by and I don’t see him again. He let me know he has a few offsite meetings and to immediately inform him through email if anything comes up in my research. I leave the office a little past four and head to the market to pick up fresh produce. I’m craving a nice, simple, vegetable stir-fry over a bed of quinoa and a glass of wine. As I finish cutting the vegetables, the front door opens and Eden comes into the kitchen and looks at the cutting board then at me. “What are you doing?” “Cooking.” It’s not like me to cook, but I’m not an idiot when it comes to being in the kitchen. I know the basics and I know what to do if I’m the reason why the apartment is on fire. RUN. “I see that.” She laughs and opens the refrigerator to get a soda. “We’re going out tonight, so put that away and get ready.” “I really don’t feel like it.” “Oh, come on,” she begs, and pushes me out of the kitchen. “And wear something cute! And no leggings, for the love of God!” We get ready and leave within the hour. Instead of driving, Eden grabs us a cab. She hasn’t said anything about where we’re going. Instead, she talks about her job and the family she’s cooking for. “How are things with you and Lincoln?” “Amazing. So amazing.” “I’m so happy for you,” I tell her, and it’s the truth. I really am happy. The cab stops in front of Pane Vino and instantly I’m so thankful for having Italian tonight. Carbs are on my mind and I’m throwing my diet out the window.

Eden rattles off some information to the hostess and we’re being guided to our seats. My smile slowly fades when I see Lincoln, and I want to smash Eden in the head with an empty bottle of wine. There’s no way I’d ever hit her with a full bottle and watch the glass break. That’s alcohol abuse. Lincoln stands and hugs Eden before doing the same to me. I keep my attitude toward Eden at bay and listen to them casually talk. A few minutes into dinner, my hair stands on end and I shiver. I sense that someone’s watching me. I turn around in my seat and see Logan sauntering toward our booth. “Holy shit.” I turn back and notice that Eden and Lincoln are taking in my reaction. They’re both wearing that stupid I got you smirk. I’m seriously going to kill them. “Hello, everyone.” His smooth voice filters through the room, and instead of saying anything, I move in my seat so he can sit down next to me. Dinner goes smoothly, and I can’t help but notice the way his hand rests near mine. Neither of us are moving closer to one another, just our hands. I look down at the lacey white dress Eden had me wear, and it all makes perfect sense. Lincoln and Eden set this up and got me ready for this… date? Yeah, I think this is a date. Right? Ugh. “Hannah?” Eden’s voice brings me out of my internal war of questions. “Yes?” “Lincoln and I are heading out, so Logan’s going to take you home,” she says with a sly, stupid smile. I need a new best friend. “Oh, okay.” I turn to Logan, and he’s staring at Lincoln, who’s staring back at him with the same smile Eden has on her face. Maybe he didn’t know about the ambush, either. I finish my wine before pouring another glass. This is my fourth tonight, and I’m feeling the effects of the delicious, dry, red wine down to my tippy toes. As soon as they leave, Logan turns to me and his stare paralyzes my thoughts and speech. “Hi.”

“Hi.” “I’m sorry about this. It was my idea. I wanted some alone time with you, and I knew you wouldn’t agree to dinner if I asked you.” I nod and take another sip of wine. “You’re not wrong about that. So what is it? Here to yell at me some more?” “Not at all.” “Enlighten me then, because you have me thoroughly confused. Between what happened last night then my office and now here, you can’t blame me for wanting an explanation.” “I don’t know how to control my temper or any of the shit in my life. When I get scared, I back off and it turns ugly. You scare me.” “Me?” I question, and angle my body so we’re facing one another. “Me? I scare you?” “Yes.” His answer is simple and does so much to my insides. “How do I know you’re not going to hurt me again?” “You don’t. I can’t promise you that. I can promise you that I want you in my life, and I’d like for you to give me another chance to show you I’m a better man.” He reaches over and twirls a loose strand of my hair between his fingers. My eyes capture his, and all I see is truth behind those beautiful, dark eyes. There’s so much life in him that’s hiding, waiting to come out and go on an adventure. Maybe that adventure is me. “And also, I’m looking into seeing a therapist to help me with the issues I have going on.” “I think that’ll be good. There are so many people who think there’s this stigma in getting professional help. I used to back in college because of my anxiety and stress. It’s a healthy release, and I think you’ll find it cathartic.” “How can I find that?” I prop my elbow on the top of the booth’s cushion and rest my hand in his lap. We’re close together in an intimate setting and I won’t lie—I like this. A lot. “Without taking that step, you’ll never know. I think it’s normal to feel scared and nervous.” “I’m not scared.” I roll my eyes and try to suppress a smile. “You are. And that’s okay. Do it when you’re ready, and do it because you want to. Not because the doctors or me or anyone else is encouraging it.”

His fingers brush along my cheek, moving a piece of hair from my face again. We’re not saying anything, just staring at each other, waiting for someone to break. “I should get you back home,” he mutters. It’s been a little over an hour since Eden and Lincoln left. I don’t want the night to end. Logan helps me out of the booth and rests his hand on the small of my back. He’s a gentleman—holding the door for me, placing his arm around my shoulder so I’m not as chilly, and he opens his car door when the valet brings it around the corner. The car feels small with the two of us inside. In my peripheral vision, I see him focusing on driving. I reach over to the radio and change it to the country station I found a few days ago. The song croons in the background, and I lean into the seat, fold my hands in my lap, and stare ahead of me, feeling the words. We’re almost to my apartment and I don’t want to say goodbye. I want more. When he pulls into a close parking spot, I don’t move, and I wonder if I should take this leap and just go with it. “Do you want to come inside?” I blurt out. I’m not myself tonight. I blame it on all the alcohol and the outfit that Eden made me wear. Someone has taken over my body and given me more confidence than I’ve had before. Yep, I’m so blaming the alcohol. I’m someone completely different—someone with conviction who is ready to fight for what she wants. I swear it’s the dress that’s making me brave and throwing my nerves out the window. Whatever I’m about to say and do, I know for a fact it’s what I want. He’s not responding and looks between me and the outside. Is he trying to find a nice way to say no? God, I’m a fucking idiot! “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “Why?” Just shut up! Who cares if he’s saying it’s not a good idea. Logan is REJECTING you! Move on and go. Go, go, go! He throws his car in park and turns in his seat to face me. I can’t read the hooded expression. “What do you think’s going to happen if we go inside?” “I don’t know,” I mutter, and wrap my arms around myself. Stupid girl! You obviously know. At this point, it’s dumb to sit here and feel even more rejected. It’s a bad idea and I need to hurry up and go back inside my apartment so I can stuff my face with ice cream and watch the sappiest movie and cry because I’ll want what they have.

I’m not meant to date. Seriously. I need to reevaluate my life and think about becoming a nun or possibly enter the witness protection program and get a new identity. I’ll start over with a new name and new life because obviously being Hannah Harris isn’t doing anything for me. I’m causing more drama and stress than I’m capable of handling. I’ll have to research and see what it takes to get into the witness protection program. Hm. I don’t think that’ll work so plan B. I’ll run away to an exotic island and serve drinks in a pool while tanning under the sun. Yep. Boom plan made. “Don’t worry about the invite. Um, I’m just going to go.” Logan’s hand darts for mine and he holds it tightly. Okay. I’m confused. “Hannah.” He slides his finger beneath my chin and forces me to look at him. “Tell me what you think will happen if I go inside.” “I’d rather not.” I jerk my hand and face away from him. “It’s not important, Logan. Just forget I asked. Good night.” “Wait.” His soft and gentle voice draws me back to him. “Do you want to know something?” I’m not sure what to say so I turn to face him and pull my hands away to stop myself from trembling. The softness of his voice is pulling me in and I don’t know if I want him to stop. “What?” “If we go inside, I’m going to have my way with you.” He reaches over and touches my cheek, slowly trailing his finger down until he’s touching my bottom lip. I suck in a breath and keep my eyes down. “Look at me.” I listen and refuse to say anything. There are no words to speak. Everything is frozen in my mind. “I’ve never met someone as beautiful as you. That’s why I can’t go inside. If I do, I’m going to want to taste that sweet pussy of yours and kiss you until the morning comes. I’ll want to fuck you so I can hear you moan my name, then make love to you and cherish you completely. Then I’ll be gone by the time you wake up.” Whoa. “Then what’s stopping you?” “I can’t.” “Why?” I plead for answers and something to let me know it’s not me that’s making him want to run away. I’m not a shallow person by any means. I’m cute with a great fashion sense, and I have a fit body and a sweet personality. Right now, the way Logan’s making me feel, pushing

me away and not giving me answers, is making things weird. I wasn’t enough for Aaron. I’m not enough for Logan. “Am I not enough for you?” I tip my head down, afraid to see his reaction. He grabs my face and turns me so I’m looking at him. The softness of his hands makes my body shiver with need. “Don’t ever think that. The things I want to do to you are blowing my mind.” “Tell me.” “Hannah,” he breathes out. “No.” I hold up my hands, slowly placing them on his hard chest, scrunching his shirt into my fingers and pulling him closer to me. “Tell me, Logan.” His jaw twitches and his eyes close. “I already told you what I want to do to you if we go inside. But, fuck, Hannah, I want more with you. That’s never going to happen. What you see in front of you isn’t the man for you.” “You can’t sit there and tell me that.” “Trust me. You don’t want me.” “For tonight I do.” Sounds of frustration and need escape his throat before his strong hands pull my face to his and his tongue strokes my bottom lip. I open my mouth to let his tongue in, to feel the heat between us come alive. He tastes like mint and is setting my body on fire. Our kiss is getting deeper. Something stirs inside me, something I’ve never felt before, and I don’t want this to end. “Take me inside,” I whisper against his lips and kiss him again. “Are you sure? Once we’re in your apartment there’s no going back. I’m going to have my way with you and by the time morning comes I’ll be gone.” “I understand.” He pulls my hair, bringing my head back, licking my collarbone and up my neck while gripping my hair tighter. “Tell me you want me.” “I want you,” I whisper through my moans. “So badly.” He lets me go and we’re both out of the car in seconds. My heart’s beating wildly, and I can’t get my damn key out to open the door. Logan’s arms are around my middle. His lips are on my neck and his light stubble is abrading my skin. My fingers fumble in my purse when I finally retrieve my keys, and instead of running up the stairs, he grabs me and

throws me over his shoulder. A fit of giggles bursts from my lips and he swats my ass. This would normally piss me off, but I’m so turned on and can’t wait to let him have his way with me. He grabs the keys and opens the door to my apartment. I tell him where my bedroom is, and once we’re inside, he tosses me on the bed, hovers over my body, and stares directly into my eyes. “I won’t be here in the morning when you wake up.” “I know.” “This doesn’t have to happen. I can leave right now.” “Logan.” I wrap my arms around his neck and lift myself a little, arching into him. “Take me.” In seconds, he lifts my dress up, exposing my bare thighs, and rips my thong off. My needy breaths would normally embarrass me, but with Logan, I don’t care. I’m testing the limits with him and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Tonight, I’m someone completely different. Tonight, I’m whatever Logan wants me to be. He grazes a finger along my inner thigh. My body trembles and I hear him laugh. “So responsive.” “Yes.” When his long finger slips into me, my back arches off the bed and my fingers tightly grip my bedsheets. He adds another finger and I instantly come. The orgasm rides my body and I’m screaming his name. “Fuck,” he groans and covers my mouth with his. His fingers are still inside me, pumping in and out, making me hungry for more. My hips move on their own, and I cling to him. “You’re so wet.” He slides his fingers out of me and licks them clean. Oh, fuck. The shocking sensations heat my cheeks. This is all so new to me. It’s shocking, but it feels so good. When his thumb rubs my clit, everything I’ve feared leaves, and it’s replaced with feral desire. His lips are on my neck, licking and sucking, and the way he’s found every sensitive spot on me makes it harder to not lose control. I’m frantic and loud. The way he’s taking control over my pussy lets me know he wants this—he wants me to be loud. He wants me to reach my breaking point. He leans forward and kisses down my body. “So sweet,” he murmurs. “I want to bury my face in your pussy. Do you want that?” I sit straight up and slowly close my legs. No one’s ever done that to me before. Aaron

never did, and I’ve only been with him. “What’s wrong?” “Um…” I’m losing my train of thought. Fuck. This isn’t what I want to happen. “See, I-I’m really inexperienced compared to you.” His eyes widen and I know he thinks I’m a virgin. “No! I don’t mean I’m a virgin, so don’t worry about that. But I’ve only been with one guy, and I’m new to this. We literally did one position, and he never went down on me. I don’t know what I’m doing, so I mean… if you want to leave, you can. Sorry if I’m not what you want.” “Hannah?” “Y-yeah,” I weakly respond. “I’m going to take my time with you. Knowing I’m the first man to taste your pussy and suck your clit is the best fucking news. I’ll show you what that asshole never could.” “Then show me.” I’m putting it all out there tonight. I want Logan to take me to new levels of sexual experiences.

Chapter 19

Logan

WHEN THOSE WORDS leave her gorgeous, full lips, my jaw falls open and I see the trust she has for me in her eyes. Fuck that asshole who had her before. He didn’t cherish her enough and show her how damn sexy she is, so I’ll gladly do that for her. She’s so unsure of herself, and I have to remember this is new to her. By the end of tonight, she’ll know how perfect she is and how crazy she makes me. Lowering myself, I keep my eyes trained on her, and touch my lips to her naked body. I hold her gaze when I sink down to my knees and press my tongue against her swollen clit. It makes me crazy tasting her sweetness. I can’t get enough of her. I want more. I want it all with her. “Logan!” Her screaming out my name is nearly my undoing. My cock throbs in my jeans as she gets louder. When her fingers grip my hair, pushing my face against her pussy, I pick up the pace and suck her harder. “Please don’t stop,” she desperately moans. Hannah has no idea what she has over me. It’s been a few weeks since we’ve met and I already crave her like a fucking drug. Her taste, her screams, her body… fuck. She’s mine tonight. When she shudders and cries out one last time, I reach for the condom in my pocket and slowly stand up. I spring my cock free, and the look on her face has me smiling. “How’s that going to fit?” She covers her face and instantly closes her legs. “Don’t worry.” I rip the condom package. My hard cock is sensitive as I grip it. I suck in a hiss, roll the condom over it, and slowly stroke the length. Watching her reaction, her eyes wide and her pouty lips making an O shape when she sees my dick, turns me into a caveman. I have to have her. Slowly I hover over her body, and take my time entering her. “Just breathe,” I whisper before placing the tip of my cock between her wet folds. “You with me?”

She eagerly nods and I spread her legs wider. She’s so snug, and if I’m not careful I’m going to blow my load into her—and we can’t have that yet. I need to hear her scream again. I need to feel her tighten around me. That touch, the first touch, unleashes the heat between us, and I erupt with hunger. She feels so good. The deeper I slide into her, the more she claws my bare back, wrapping her legs around my waist, telling me she wants more. When she adjusts to my size, we find our rhythm and I bury myself inside her. Her warmth. Her moans. It’s driving me crazy. I’m watching her tip her head back and her eyes fluttering closed. Her hands roam down to my ass and I thrust harder. She melts into me, and I want to be sure this is good for her like it is for me. “Does it hurt?” I ask, come to a slow stop, and wait for her to answer me. “No,” she murmurs and moves her head to the side. “Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.” Instead of fucking her, like I thought I’d be doing, something changes in the air between us and my pace is slower and more fluid. All of this pleasure is calling to me. I’ve never felt this before. “What are you doing to me?” I whisper, kissing her neck, rubbing my lips across her soft skin. “Exactly what you’re doing to me.” When she moans again, my heart slams against my chest, and holy fuck, the pleasure’s too much. “Logan, go faster and harder. It’s okay. I can handle it.” “Are you sure?” “Please. I need you.” That’s all it takes for me to pull out and flip her onto her stomach. I yank her ass up against my cock and fill her again. She’s face down on her bed, groaning my name as my cock fills her sweet pussy. “Harder, Logan,” she pleads for more. I squeeze her hips as I give her what she’s screaming for. “You like it when I fuck you like this?” “Mmm, yes.” “Hannah, you’re so fucking tight. It feels so damn good.” She needs to know how perfect she is and how I’m feeling. I lean over her back, pressing my lips to her neck, absorbing the tremors of her body into mine. Her muscles convulse around me, and I know she’s close. With three more hard thrusts, we both find our release, and I close my eyes, losing myself in this moment. I pull out slowly and bring her body flush against mine. I know I should leave and

never think about her again, but there’s something pulling me to her. “I’ll be back,” I whisper against her ear. I crawl from the bed, find her bathroom, and discard the condom. When I return to her bedroom, she’s under the covers and lying on her side. Instead of putting on my clothes and getting the hell out, I climb into bed with her, tuck her close to my chest, and wrap myself around her. By the time I wake up, the time is almost five. Hannah is still in my arms, lightly snoring. She looks so fucking peaceful and I hate doing this to her. I slowly creep from the bed, slip on my clothes, and I mistakenly look over at her. I watch the rise and fall of her chest and stare for a few moments. The pouty lips I was kissing just a few hours ago are slightly curved. She’s lying on her side, one hand tucked underneath the pillow while the other is peacefully resting on the bed. After tonight, after being with her, I know I’ll want more moments like these. Only, going down this road with her will only leave her broken and hurt. I’d rather leave now than face the hurt that’ll come. When I turn back and look for a pen and paper, I find them on her vanity and sit down to leave her a note. I may be an asshole, but something about Hannah is different. I wish I could stay and wake up with you. I wish I could be the man you need. Please don’t hate me. -Logan Satisfied with the note, I sneak out of her room and apartment and stand outside her door, instantly regretting my decision to leave. It’s the best thing. She’s so fucking pure and amazing, but I have too much darkness. There’s nothing good about me. This is the best thing I can do for her. I hustle to my car and get in. It would be easy to run to get breakfast for both of us, go back, and then tell her I made a mistake if she started suspecting I originally left and didn’t intend to return. Everything seems easy, but in reality, that shit doesn’t fly. Staying the night with her and waking up next to her would be a mistake. I’m not worthy of that—of anything. I had her and I’ll take what I can get. I throw my car in drive and haul ass out of there. I don’t look back because I know that if I do, I’ll run back to her and feel that warmth I’ve been missing. When I’m in my bed, I take out my phone and scroll to Hannah’s name. The gravitational pull to her is stronger than anything I’ve experienced. I’ll see her in the office in a few hours, and I have to do everything I can to stay away. My eyes close and I clear my throat, pushing away memories of Hannah and what we shared. For the first time I opened myself to her and allowed myself to feel an ounce of happiness. I was numb and cold. Life merely existed. Then Hannah comes into my life and I push myself away before I get too attached. This is how my life has to be. It’s what’s best for everyone. And now there’s Hannah. A woman I hardly know, but can’t stop

thinking about and can’t stop falling in love with. Everyone says “life moves on” and “one day you’ll open your heart again.” I wish I could, for me. I wish I can stop thinking about Shannon and move on without feeling guilty. To be free of the pain and guilt. But that’s an illusion I have to let go. Sleep eludes me and I wake up in a pissed off mood. I head to the gym and work out my frustrations before getting ready to go into the office. The sweat pours off my body and the adrenalin builds. Last night with Hannah was incredible. Her scent lingers around me and I miss her. I want her. But what good would I be to her? I’d end up disappointing her and fucking up her life. No. This is how it’s going to be. I’ll never be able to open myself up to her. We’ll be friends, I hope, and I’ll admire her from afar. Being with her last night stamps my decision to stay away. She’s too good. Too pure for my fucking baggage. I’m going to cherish that night with her and jerk off, remembering her body and moans.

Chapter 20

Hannah

TO SAY DISAPPOINTMENT floods me would be an understatement. Disappointment. Pissed off. Sad. “Wake up.” Eden comes into my bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed. “Fill me in with what’s going on.” Slowly, I get up and rest against my headboard. It’s still early enough in the morning where I can relax a little before heading into the office, even though I’m dreading it with every fiber in my body. I fill Eden in about Logan and what happened after we left the restaurant. “We had sex and he left,” I tell her and frown a little. “So yeah. Absolutely nothing’s going on.” “Wait.” Eden holds up her hands. “He left?” “He warned me and I didn’t care. Maybe I was hoping he’d change his mind and have the decency to say bye to me when he left or something. What difference does it make?” “The difference is this wasn’t a one night stand for you.” I shake my head. “No. I felt something with him. I never felt that way for Aaron, and I want more. So much more. This sucks.” I draw up my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs. I’m having a pity party for one. This is why I can’t be adventurous and take chances. I’m way too emotional and get attached fast. “Have you heard from him?” I shake my head. “Nope.” “You’ll see him today, so talk to him about it. You can do it.” I shake my head again. “No. Not happening. It’s nothing, Eden. I’ll get over it and move on.” Eden pats my shoulder like a child and smiles. I hate her right now. “Did you have a

good time?” “Too good of a time.” My body’s still humming from last night. I hate to thank Logan for that since we barely know each other and I’m already falling head over heels for him. “I learned some new things last night.” “Like?” “I’m not as prude or vanilla like I thought.” Eden’s eyes widen. “Do tell, my little freak!” “I’m not giving you details.” I stick my tongue out at her and we’re both falling on my bed laughing. “You’ll be fine. Put on your big-girl thong and get to it. I’m going to make you a special breakfast, so get up and get ready, sunshine.”



IT’S ALMOST TWO in the afternoon and I’ve successfully avoided Logan at all costs. He hasn’t asked me to do anything for him and that’s completely okay. I’m not ready to face him, and I have no idea what we’d even say. Part of me wants to ask Austen if I can take a few days off and go home, back to Ohio, and spend time with my parents. While the other part is screaming to suck it up. These things happen, and I shouldn’t be surprised. I don’t look on the computer to see if he’s online to chat, and I don’t take any detours past his office, either. Luckily, I have a lot of work to do, and I’ve been locked inside my office since I arrived. When I walk to the printer to grab the papers I need for Austen’s three o’clock meeting, I see several error messages and check the time. It’s two forty-five and I have no idea what to do. IT has been backed up all day, and mostly everyone who sits around this area is away from their desk. “Please work,” I mutter, and I notice that the machine has my print job in the queue, but nothing’s happening. I open the door to see if there are any jams or something I can fix without calling IT. “Come on!” I groan and slam the thing shut to see if that’ll wake up the printer. “Is everything okay, Hannah?” His deep, velvety voice makes my body still and I want to die. When I turn to see him standing before me, my eyes rake over his body, and images of last night hit me hard. I shake it off and put on a smile. He’ll never know how hurt I am. One night stands happen and I’m accepting that fact. But, seeing him in front of me, looking beyond sexy in his

fitted gray suit with a baby blue, button down shirt, and abstract blue tie, makes me want to beg him for more. I need to be strong and stop staring at him. What happened last night obviously means nothing to him, although, I can’t be mad. He warned me and I still took that chance. Damn my raging vagina. Stop being attracted to his D! “Yeah. Technical issues. I guess.” “Lemme help you.” A wave of warmth flushes up my cheeks and perspiration gathers on the back of my neck. My eyes deceive me and I take in again. His hairs ruffled as if he’s run his fingers through it and now I so badly want my fingers in his hair again. “Thank you,” I mutter and step aside so he can get to the printer. After a few moments he gets the printer to work. When we’re facing one another, neither of us move. Our eyes connect and my hand twitches to feel the softness of his lips. “I don’t hate you,” I let slip out before turning to the printer and grabbing the papers. I walk away before he can say something.



THE THREE O’CLOCK meeting ends two hours later, and I’m exhausted. Between the schedule Austen has, and the printing issue this afternoon, and then the shit that went down in the meeting, all I want to do is drink a glass of cold, white wine and watch a Zac Efron movie. He always makes me feel better. When I get back to my desk, I turn off my computer and gather my belongings before heading out for the night. I stand up and my purse falls from my lap. Everything scatters on the floor. “Come on,” I groan, and bend down to pick up my things. A picture of Michael falls from my open wallet and I snatch it up, studying his sweet face. My chest instantly tightens. The picture was during my high school graduation. He was so happy, so proud of me, and the grin on his face was so bright. It reached his eyes and there was so much love in the picture. His arm was resting on my shoulders and we’re both smiling, showing our pearly whites. “Oh, Michael,” I cry, holding my chest and staring at my beautiful older brother. “Are you okay? Are you in heaven? I hope you’re soaring high and you’re not in pain anymore. I hope you’re happy, because that’s the only thing that keeps me going. I pray for you

every night. Do you hear me?” When Renee broke up with him without an explanation, he turned to drugs and was never the same. Two months of drinking, smoking, using coke, and he wasn’t my brother. He stole thousands of dollars from my parents and sold his Audi for drugs. My parents and I were lost. No one knew what to do. I wish I could’ve been there for him and made him see he was worth more than what he thought. I tried reaching out to his girlfriend. We had no idea who she was or where she lived. From what I understood, she wasn’t from Ohio, and Michael was planning to move to be with her. He never brought her around to meet us or showed us her picture. Their relationship was a secret, and when he died those secrets went with him. A hand rests on my shoulder and I peer up to see Logan staring at the picture I’m holding in my hands. “The memories are always with you. Sometimes, we think we’re okay, and then something happens, like remembering their favorite song, or favorite food, or seeing a picture. Sometimes, the memories creep into our mind and we have no control of how to handle it.” Logan’s voice trembles and I can feel the shakiness of his hand on my shoulder. “I get you’re in pain because I feel that pain too. When I lost Shannon, my wife, my world turned dark and I became a different man. I’m cold and undeserving. That’s why I need to leave you alone. The big bad wolf needs to stay away from the sweet and innocent angel.” “Maybe the sweet and innocent angel needs the big bad wolf to stay with her. Opposites attract,” I whisper, and graze my hand over his. “I can still feel you.” “I feel you too,” he whispers back and in the moment we look at each other again, an understanding passes and it’s all I need to know. “I’m here. Whatever you need.” “I know,” he says. “Have a good night, Hannah.” “You too, Logan.” I watch him get up and walk toward the elevator. Once the car opens and he walks in, without looking back to me, I know that whatever we shared a few moments ago, will pull us back together again. The only question is… will I wait for that moment again?

Chapter 21

Logan

MY HEAD’S SPINNING as I drive to the closest bar. Her voice. Her scent. Her eyes. All haunts me. If I give in, there’s no guarantee I won’t hurt her, and that’s something I can’t do. I’ll take our one night and keep it with me. That’s the best I can do. With the open back roads ahead of me, it gives me some time to think and reflect. Loud music pounds in my ears and calms the tightness in my chest. Hardly anyone takes these back roads so I press on the gas a little harder and feel the speed of my car. It numbs me, absorbing what’s haunting me, and I can taste the whiskey on my lips. I need a drink. I need to escape. From Hannah. I quickly turn into a parking lot and pull out my car keys. This seedy bar’s hidden on the outskirts of town. I come here to unwind and find easy pussy. I haven’t been here since Paige got to town and I can’t go to her and mess with her head so a nameless woman I’ll soon forget will have to do. When I step out of my car, my feet hit the gravel ground and I take off my suit jacket and tie. Although it’s been a while since I’ve been here, the bar still looks the same - dark and dingy. A place people come to be left alone with their thoughts and a good drink. This is the perfect place to be. With a good, stiff drink in my hand I’ll be able to forget and get lost in my head. As soon as I’m inside, I sit down on a bar stool, and the old, gray haired bartender, who’s helped me more than a few times, makes his way over and places his hands on the bar top. “Jack?” “Yeah, the usual.” The old man acknowledges my answer and fills a tumbler with the dark amber liquid I desperately need. He slides it to me and I ignore the sticky countertop. Bars like this don’t care to continually wipe down the counters. This place meets the minimum for cleanliness. Even though it’s shit in here, the drinks taste the same, and that’s all that matters.

After he serves another customer down the bar, he comes to me and says, “Rough day.” “You could say that.” “I hear ya. You remind me of me. When I lost my wife, my world was dark and I couldn’t seem to get out of my own head. It took me years, but after ten years I found someone who makes life worth it. My Wendy is my life, and will always be my life, but Michelle is someone who saved me. Once you find that woman you hold on tight.” “Did you and Michelle get married?” “Two years next week.” He nods, and wipes down the counter. “Son, the best advice I can give you is not to reflect on the bad and the guilty. Since I hadn’t seen you here in a while I figured you was okay, but now that you’re back, well, I guess the stories the same eh?” “With a twist. I met someone. It was supposed to be one night and that one night I can’t forget,” I explain. “I left her afterwards, but I told her I would. She’s my father’s assistant. When I see her, everything’s clear, but the thought of baring my soul to her and getting rejected,” I pause and shake my head. “It’s not something I care to gamble.” “Life is all about having the right hand and playing what you know. You know she cares for you?” I nod. “Then there you have it. A good woman is rare and unique. Once you find her, you hold on tight, and fight for her. You fight and you continue to fight until you let out your last breath.” “Is that what you did?” I ask. “Yes.” He keeps his answer simple, and that’s all he says before leaving me with my drink I’ve barely touched. After fifteen minutes of staring at the dark liquid, I quickly get up and toss a fifty on the counter and leave. I don’t say bye and I don’t look back. My gut clenches when I stand before her door. The possibility she’ll slam the door in my face is real and if she does I don’t have a plan B. I’m hoping she’ll hear me out and not turn away from me, but I’m ready for that. There’s no reason for her to give me another chance when I’m the one always walking away. I’m the one always thinking the worst of her. And I’m the one that finally realizes she’s what I want. What I need. What I’m craving for. The light to my darkness. Before I got here, I called Lincoln and he handed the phone to Eden. After hearing her lecture me through my hands-free device, she reluctantly agreed and told me she’d let the doorman know I was coming. Now I’m here with only one plan and it’s not even a great one. You want more. She wants more. Take the chance.

I repeat this in my head, as if the more I tell myself this the easier it’ll be. Without thinking, I knock on her door, and patiently wait for her to answer. I hear the locks unlocking and when the door opens I look to see Hannah, makeup free, with her hair in a bun on top of her head, and she’s wearing shorts with a loose white shirt. “Hi.” “Logan.” I don’t miss the surprise in her voice. “What are you doing here?” I walk forward and she moves, letting me in, and once I’m inside I shut the door. Our eyes never leave one another and she doesn’t question me anymore. I reach over and cup her face, bringing my lips to hers. She welcomes the kiss and wraps her arms around my middle. “I want you,” I tell her against her lips. “There’s so much I need to tell you and with time I will. You give me something to believe in… something to fight for. And now I wanna fight got you.” “Whatever it is you can tell me. You’ve been through a lot, and I know you have secrets, and that’s okay. You won’t scare me away. There’s no reason to fight because I’m right here, Logan. Here.” She takes my hand and pulls me to sit down on the couch. She turns off the television and tucks her legs underneath her so we’re facing one another. My hands find her smooth as silk skin again and I lean in to kiss her. She presses her forehead against mine and I whisper, “Because I like you. I like you a lot, and I want more, but only if you want the same.” She smiles, and squeezes my hand. “I do. I want what you want. We’ll take it slow I’ve said this before and I’ll continue to say that I’m here for you. Whenever you’re ready.” The words I want to say are on the tip of my tongue. I’m not sure how to tell her this, or if I should. I want to open up and let her in. I want that so badly, but my fear gets the best of me. “Hannah…” Before I can finish, my phone vibrates, grabbing my attention. When I look down, I see Paige’s name, and I excuse myself from Hannah so I can take the call. “Hello?” “That’s all you can say?” “What else do you want me to say? What’s going on?” “I need you, Logan,” she cries into the phone, and I can hear her sniffling. “Can you come over and hold me, please?” “Paige, you know I can’t. You know I need to separate myself from you. It’s done.” “You told me you wouldn’t leave! You wouldn’t leave me, and now you are. What the fuck, Logan!”

“Calm down.” I speak into the phone and hope she listens. “I can’t help you anymore. I’m moving on, Paige, and you need to do the same.” “I love you, though. I want more. I want you in my life forever.” “I can’t give that to you. You know that. You’ll never be her, and being with you has already been fucked up.” “No,” she loudly cries. “No, please. You said you’ll be my friend and right now I need a friend. You’re the only person who’ll be there for me. Don’t leave me. If you leave, then I might as well just die.” “Stop it.” “No! I’m going to get the razor and cut my wrists. If you leave me then I’m gone forever.” “Paige! Don’t do anything.” I press the end button on my cell phone and quickly get up, and turn to look at a nervous Hannah. “I’m sorry, I gotta go. Paige’s threatening suicide and I need to make sure she’s okay.” “Do you need me to come with you?” “No. I’m fine. Thank you.” Before Hannah can say anything else, I rush out of her apartment and get in my car. My head’s fucking pounding. I need to be back with Hannah, but I can’t let anything happen to Paige. My promise holds true, and I intend to keep it. Rushing into her apartment, she’s on the floor, in the fetal position, crying into her arm. “Paige. Come on.” I pick her up and carry her in my arms to the bed. She lies in my arms, holding me tightly, crying about missing me, wanting me, and staying with her forever. “I know I’ll never be her,” she says through her sobs. “And I know you’ll never see me for who I am. I just love you so much, Logan. I truly love you with my whole heart. I wish you could see that.” “I do,” I whisper, stroking her hair, and twirling the strands between my fingers. “I’ll always be your friend. That’ll never change. We can’t go back to using each other. “I know.” She sighs and holds me a little tighter. “Can you stay with me until I fall asleep?” “Of course.” “Okay, thank you.”

Chapter 22

Hannah

SITTING OUTSIDE ON the balcony of my apartment, I watch the sun go down. The lavish colors of pink, yellow, and orange gets my attention and I realize how long I’ve been sitting out here. My phone rings and I ignore it. I go back to a few hours ago. Seeing him leave to go to Paige hurts, and it shouldn’t. It shouldn’t fucking hurt because he’s not completely mine. The whispering plea to get up and do something about Logan fills my ears. My spine stiffens from the realization of how I’m falling in love with him. There’s no rhyme or reason to any of this. My already tight chest grows tighter and my throat closes a little, like a vise grip slowly twisting to close off oxygen. I blink rapidly and finish the wine in my glass. My shaking hand sets it down without it breaking, and I wrap myself in the throw blanket we keep on the couch. I pull my legs up and rest my chin on my knees, breathing in the air around me, soaking in the last of the sun’s rays. In the past few weeks, things have been changing all around me. Thinking about Logan and the hard man he presents himself to be makes me wonder if this is all worth it. Looking at him, getting to know him, I know there’s a lot more to him than meets the eye. Logan Davis is beautifully broken and sexy and he’s all man. The muscles he sports and his lean body can make any woman with a pulse drool over him. He seems so strong and confident, yet he has these demons and a side of him I don’t like. His hot and cold attitude throws me on a wild ride, but it’s a ride I don’t want to get off. The more time I spend with him, the more I fall and want him more. I analyze him and how I’m feeling. That’s who I am. I hate going with the flow. Everything needs a plan, and Logan Davis coming into my life is not part of the plan. The apartment door opens and closes and I see Eden walking to her room and Lincoln making his way outside to join me. They’ve been dating since that night at the bar, and I really like Lincoln. He’s sweet and really hot—not Logan hot, but definitely hot with his cool, laid-back attitude and

killer body. Seeing my best friend happy means the world to me. I haven’t really gotten to know Lincoln since they’re at his house most of the time, but from what I know, he’s a good guy. “Hi, Lincoln.” “Hey! What’s going on?” “You didn’t hear?” “What?” he asks, and sits down in the empty chair. “What’s wrong?” I tell him about what’s going on with Logan and how Paige called threatening suicide. “Fuck,” he yells, and quickly gets up from the chair and goes to Eden’s room. I go back inside when I hear Lincoln apologizing, and I watch him rush out of our apartment. Eden’s eyes dart from me to the door. We’re standing in the middle of the room, neither of saying anything, and I notice her eyes wide and her mouth agape. “Grab a bottle of wine and I’ll fill you in.” She goes to the kitchen and comes back with the bottle and a glass. We’re both sitting down on the couch and I fill her in while she pours me a glass of wine. “Holy shit,” she says and drinks her wine and then pours another. “That’s a lot of drama. Even for me. Seriously. Do you think this Paige chick is serious?” “I think so.” “Wow.” I nod in agreement. “What am I supposed to do?” “Nothing. Until you and Logan become official, if you want that, then just do what you’ve been telling him and be there when he needs you. That is if you can handle that.” “I can.” “Can I be honest?” “Of course,” I tell her as we sit down on the couch. “I’m proud of you for taking the chance. I didn’t think you would, and I think Logan’s good for you. Even with his hot mess of a life and all. We meet people at unexpected times, and during unexpected situations. You might not realize how you’re changing, but I notice. Sometimes people just know when they meet their missing puzzle piece. And I think you know.” “I do know,” I agree with her. “You more than like him. I’ve never seen you like this, all flustered and over-the-top happy or sad. Logan’s gotten to you.” “He really has.”

“So,” she says, “be patient. If you think he’s worth it all, the drama and everything, then I suggest you be there for him.” I take in everything Eden’s saying. I don’t want to be a rug where he can come and go as he pleases. And there’s another point – we’re friends. Even though I can walk away, and ignore my feelings, to be honest, I don’t. I don’t want to walk away from Logan. “Okay, enough of this. I’m taking you out for food and drinks.” Eden pats my knee and tells me to go get ready.



AS THE SERVER brings us our martinis and bread, Eden stares at me, wanting to say so much more than she has since we left the apartment. Eden sips her martini and sets the glass down on the table. “So, what are you gonna do?” “What do you mean?” “Are you gonna fight for Logan or let him go?” “He’s with Paige, and I don’t wanna think what’s going on with them. You should’ve seen the way he ran out of my apartment. They share a history, while I’m the new girl, trying to get his attention. And to top it off, she’s beyond beautiful.” I sigh and pause so I can collect my thoughts. “I’m falling in love with him, Eden.” “I know you are.” I pick up my martini, take a few sips, then set it down. “We connect on some level. I’ve never felt this way before. I know I hardly know him, but…” “Don’t have to explain. I get it. That’s how it is with Lincoln. We’re learning about each other every day. He asked me to move in with him.” I blink a few times and absorb her words. “Are you going to?” “Hell, no! Maybe in a few months, but not now.” “That’s so sweet, Eden. I’m happy for you.” “Thank you.” She smiles and takes a drink. “Can I give you some advice? Just one more piece.” I finish my martini and sigh in defeat. “Yep.” “Don’t overthink.” Our server brings another round of dirty martinis and I pick up my glass for another much needed drink. “I’m not overthinking anything.”

“Yes, you are babe. You have this amazing and welcoming aurora around you. People instantly love you and you never judge, which makes you who you are, but you need a plan for everything. Live in the moment.” “It’s not like having a plan isn’t a bad thing.” “It can be. You have an eight year plan, Hannah. Sometimes things don’t always work out the way you want.” Eden nods and sips her drink. “You settled for Aaron. You knew it was over after two years together. The both of you were different in every single way, but you got comfortable, and he fit your plan.” I try to play off what she’s saying, although it’s hard since there’s so much truth to her message. “Okay, enough of this sad psychoanalyzing,” Eden says, and we clink glasses.



STUPID EDEN AND shoving stupid drinks down my throat. Well, she didn’t hold me down and make me drink. I can rarely say no to her, and she knows that. She had to call Lincoln to come get us, since we’re both wasted and I can’t stand on my own two feet without wanting to fall over and sleep. “I hate you,” I mutter, and push her away from me. “Bitch. You’re a bad friend.” “Whatever,” she slurs. “You love me.” The door opens and we both turnaround from the bar area and see Lincoln and Logan walking in. Fuck. My. Life. “My man is really hot.” Eden giggles and gets up from the barstool and stumbles over to him. Logan’s dark eyes are on me, and I instantly push my thighs together. Holy freaking hell, that look needs to be illegal. After the longest intense moment in the history of my life he’s inches from my face. “Hello, beautiful.” That voice. Those lips. Those eyes. Mayday. Mayday! I’m falling and don’t want to stop. The way he’s staring at me. The way his deep, and velvety voice makes my body shake with desire. This is all resulting in me becoming mush. Putty. I want to scream take me now. It’s all too much and I can’t stop my body from reacting. My nipples are pushing against the fabric of my dress, remembering the

way his mouth felt and the way his fingers rolled them. And now my clit joins, remembering the pleasures of his mouth, with pulsing need. My body wants his mouth. His tongue. His all. I have to squeeze my thighs together again to tame the distracting sensation. Instead of telling him to take me back to my place, I hiccup in his face and cover my lips from sheer and utter embarrassment. In slow motion, he picks me up from the bar stool, and I draw in a breath, hiding my face in his chest. My heart and mind are racing toward the finish line and win a night of pure bliss with him again. The alarm sirens and I remember the way he left me alone in bed. No. Not again. “I won’t have sex with you tonight,” I whisper. “I wasn’t thinking about sex tonight.” “Okay. Just as long as we’re clear.” The ride back to our apartment is quiet, and I’m not sure what to say. Eden’s passed out, and Logan keeps looking at me through the side mirror. I feel so small and stupid for listening to Eden about drinking. Stupid Eden. Bad friend. Lincoln helps Eden inside and Logan helps me, since neither of us can walk thanks to all the martinis. Next time I’m limiting myself and alternating between my drink and water. My impending hangover is looming over me with a wicked smile and loud screech. Ugh. Logan sits me down on the couch and I watch him walk to the kitchen while Lincoln holds Eden to his side and walks down the hall to her bedroom. Honestly, New York has the hottest guys. They’re similar in height, build, and fashion. Both men have bodies that look like they spend some time at the gym. Goodness. They’re wearing dark jeans. Lincoln has on a white button down, and Logan’s in different clothes than what he was wearing when he left. His V-neck, gray shirt shows off his broad shoulders and large biceps. “Stop looking,” I hiss to myself, hoping he didn’t hear me. Logan comes back with a glass of water and hands it to me. I take it without question and take a few small sips. When I place the glass down on the coffee table, I notice he’s kneeling before me, his hands on my bare knees. Avoiding his eyes, I take a few strands of my hair and examine for any split ends. “You didn’t need to come get me with Lincoln or take care of me. It’s okay if you want to go back to Paige.”

“I’m right where I want to be,” he says with a smirk. He grips my knees tighter, and I can feel the intense burn of his stare. “Look at me,” he demands. I don’t dare look. The feel of his stare is enough. If I look I’ll forever be trapped and I won’t have it in me to keep fighting my feelings. But, I give in, and I instantly want to slap myself. All it takes is one look and I forget all he’s done to me. Just one look.

Chapter 23

Logan

AFTER THE SHIT with Paige and bringing her to the hospital for suicide watch, I went back home with Lincoln and needed to chill. We were about to watch the fight when his phone went off. Eden asked him to come get them since they were both drunk. I gently set her down on her bed, and before I can leave, she sits up on her bed and pulls the covers over her body. “So I guess you’re back with Paige.” The question stops me from moving. From breathing. I slowly turn and sit down on the edge of her bed. “I’m not with Paige. There’s nothing between us.” “Oh.” “Why would you ask that?” “Because,” she sighs. “You weren’t thinking about sex with me tonight.” “You’re right.” I pause and wait for her to say something or tell me to leave, but she doesn’t so I lean in closer so she can clearly hear me. “I don’t like to fuck when my girl’s drunk. I need her to remember me. Feel me. Beg me for more.” “Your girl?” I nod. “My girl.” She throws her arm over my body and holds me tight. “Logan,” she murmurs, “please stay with me.” I look down at the beautiful woman holding me tight, asking me to stay, and I don’t want to leave her again. I want to be here. I want to stay and cradle her in my arms all night. I don’t want to disappear before she wakes up. I want that with her. With Hannah. She’s holding onto me as if I’m the only person that matters to her. It feels good being wanted and needed. It hits me, the reason why we keep finding ourselves together, the reason why she continues to be there for me, I need her the way she needs me.

“I need to change.” I watch her get up from her bed and walk toward her dresser. She grabs clothes and leaves her bedroom only to come back after a few minutes. I’m looking at her as she climbs back into bed. Her hair’s tied in a bun, she’s makeup free, and wearing a long tee that hits her knees. “You don’t have to sleep in your clothes,” she tells me. I move off her bed and strip out into my boxers. Her eyes are on me, staring, and taking me in. When I get back onto her bed, under the covers, we’re facing one another and I notice the light freckles on her cheeks and nose. The softness of her features as the moonlight shimmers in her room, dancing around her face, fuck, it’s beyond beautiful. Her blonde hair is soft to the touch. I twirl strands in between my fingers and listen to her breathe in and out. It’s the most peaceful sound I hear. Before I’m able to close my eyes and find sleep, I hear her whisper my name. She moves closer to me and rests her head on my chest. “Logan, don’t leave, okay?” “I won’t leave you,” I quickly answer her. “Okay, good.” “Sleep, beautiful.” Soon, I hear soft snores and I smile. For the first time in a while I’m able to peacefully close my eyes and fall into a deep sleep. Morning comes and I’m still in bed with her. Lincoln came to check on us and said Eden’s still sleeping, so he’s out getting breakfast for us. I let my father know we’ll be late getting into the office today. I’m not sure if Hannah will make it in. Since she’s my assistant now since he’s in California, we’ll most likely work from home and not worry about going into the office. “Logan.” I hear her calling for me, and it brings me out of my thoughts. “I’m right here.” “Can we figure this out between us?” Her question hits me in the gut and I realize I owe it to her. We should talk about what’s going on between us since neither can deny the pull and the connection. “Whatever you want this to be.” “I want us to be friends and then see where it goes.” “What if I told you I realized I don’t wanna be your friend?” Hannah slowly gets up and rubs her eyes, then, from the horrified look on her face at the smears on her fingers, she realizes she’s wiping off her makeup. “Hold that thought.” She rushes out of bed and leaves the room to go to the bathroom, I’m assuming. I look around her room and notice everything’s clean and in its place. There are pictures all over

the walls of her family and friends. She’s happy in every picture. The bedroom door closes and I turn to see that Hannah’s now wearing cotton shorts and a loose shirt. I watch her climb back into bed and go under the covers, her knees pressed against her chest as she watches me walk back to her bed and sit down. “So you don’t wanna be friends now?” “I want more. With you.” “You keep going back and forth. I don’t know what you want anymore. That’s why I think we should be friends and then see where it takes us.” She moves closer to me and brushes her fingers down my cheek. “You’re beautifully broken.” “I am.” “Don’t shut yourself out from the world. The Logan I met at the bar, that’s the Logan I want to see more of.” “I’m a work in progress.” When those words leave my lips, her fingers are back on my face, tracing imaginary lines from my temple down to my lips. “What are you doing?” I barely let out. “Memorizing your beautifully broken face so I can keep it with me.” “You should stop touching me,” I carefully say, keeping my eyes on hers. “The broken pieces will cut you.” “Maybe I want someone with jagged edges who isn’t perfect.” She presses her fingers to my lips and moves her body so she’s resting on her legs and leaning toward me. “I’m kinda digging the brooding look, anyways.” My lip twitches at her touch. I’m stuck. The perfect words for her are trapped in my throat. There’s a blockage, a thick lump preventing me from talking. “I can’t stop thinking about you.” Her eyes go wide. My doe green eyed, beautiful Hannah freezes from my confession. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not. Am I being too honest? Is this too much for her? I look at her. For a moment, while sitting on her bed in her room, we’re trapped in the sights of one another. Neither of us moves. Neither of us looks away. She sucks in her bottom lip beneath her teeth and bites down. Fuck, I want to do that to her. I want to taste her and explore her body with my hands and mouth. “That’s good to know because I think about you all the time, wishing you’ll cherish my body again.” “Is that what you want?” She moans and brings her lips to mine, pressing ever so gently, and moving back to look at me. “It is. Tell me what you think about when I cross your mind.” “When you look at me, you’re not afraid. I push you away and you push back. I make fucked up decisions. I’m cold and selfish, but you…” I pause and lift my fingers to pull

her lip from under her teeth. I trace my fingers along her bottom lip and watch as her chest rises and falls. “You’re whole. You’re the light to the darkness I have in my heart. Maybe I need you more than I’m letting on. Maybe I want you to push your lightness onto me and open my shattered heart.” She purses her lips and rubs her palms against the top of her thighs. “Can you tell me more about Shannon and Paige?” “Little by little,” I tell her. “I’ll slowly open and let you know. Will you be okay with that?” “Yes. Of course. I told you whatever you need I’m here for you.” “It’s not easy for me to open up. I have layers of walls that have been up for a while. “I’m a fighter.” She winks. She stares at me, her eyes full of determination, telling me she’s not going anywhere and she’s not giving up. I suddenly feel naked beneath her gaze and I shift a little, moving my eyes from hers, and down her body, where I notice our hands are entangled. Luckily my phone beeps and I quickly grab it to see it’s an email notification from my father letting me know there’s an important phone conference in an hour. “Come on.” I show her my phone so she can read the email. “Let’s work at my place today.” “Okay, boss man. You lead the way.”

Chapter 24

Hannah Logan: Did you eat yet? Me: No. Logan: Be ready in an hour. I’m taking you out for dinner.

Cue the biggest, goofiest smile on my face and I can honestly say I’m not a twentytwo-year-old professional. No. I’m back in high school, and the super-hot captain of the football team asked me out on a date. After fifteen minutes of sitting on the couch, weighing the possibilities of what’ll happen after dinner, I jump up and rush to my bedroom to find a cute outfit. Thankfully I had a wax appointment a few days ago so I’m ready… just in case we do have sex again tonight. I go directly to my dresses and nothing’s standing out. There’s nothing that would wow him. I’m looking at the different options and give up after going through my dresses twice. Out of the twenty I have, I don’t think any would do. Why the hell is it so hard to be a woman? It takes men literally minutes to get ready and they walk out looking sexy as sin, while most women take forever. It’s a process to get ready. We have to pick out the right outfit and then coordinate our makeup, hair, any accessories, and most importantly shoes. Then we have to make sure our bra and panty are matching. It’s a sophisticated equation and must be done, especially on the first date. Since I’m not finding anything in my closet I stroll over to Eden’s room and raid her closet. She’s gone for the weekend so she won’t notice I’m taking one of her dresses. It’s not like she’d care either. I’m thumbing through her dresses and find one that stands out. It’s an off the shoulder dark green dress that I’ve had my eyes on for a while. I’ll have to remember to take this to the dry cleaners tomorrow. I strip out of my clothes and take a thirty second shower to freshen up. I’m going through my drawer and find a black thong with a strapless black push up bra. “This will do,” I mutter and put it on, taking a look in the mirror, running my hands down my body and closing my eyes, imagining his hands. His lips. His tongue.

Oh boy. As soon as I have the dress on, I put on my tan wedges and do a quick check to make sure everything looks good. “What am I doing?” I sigh and plop on my bed, spreading my arms out and looking at the ceiling. “Stop being such a girl.” A knock on my front door prompts me get up and peek through my bedroom window. Holy shit. He’s here. He came into my apartment complex, and up to the door. My nerves are ridiculous. I fan under my arms and let out slow breaths. It’s just a date with a man who makes me weak in the knees and my heart race. No biggie. At all. After a few moments, I take a few more calming breaths and reach for the doorknob to open it. He’s standing before me with his hands in his jeans pocket, and my goodness. Logan’s wearing a black button-down shirt and his hair is full and wavy. He takes a moment to drink me in the way I’m drinking him in. There’s a burning warmth in his caramel eyes as he starts at my eyes and slowly moves down to my plump lips, my neck, my breasts, down my body, to my legs, and finally back up to my eyes. “Wow. You look beautiful.” I blush and run my fingers down his shirt. “You don’t look bad yourself, handsome.” “Ready?” “Yeah.” We get to the restaurant, Next Door Bar and Grill, and are seated in the back corner booth. “How long have you been working for your dad?” “Since my senior year in college. I interned in the marketing department and learned from a man named, Roger. He was with the company for over thirty years and managed the department for ten before retiring. Between the two business gurus, I developed my own sense of how to manage, and after graduation, I created different campaigns and attracted multi-million-dollar firms to work with us.” “Really?” I didn’t mean to sound surprised. I’ve never seen Logan work. When I’m in meetings, he’s never involved. Initially, I thought he was a spoiled trust-fund baby with means to endless money. “Don’t sound so surprised.” The amusement in his tone lets me know he’s not offended. “I’m sorry.” I laugh and turn my body a little so we’re facing each other. “You impress me, Mr. Davis.” “As you do, too, Ms. Harris.” The restaurant we’re in is chic with a contemporary, New York City vibe. Our drinks are brought to the table. I’m having a dirty martini and Logan’s drinking a beer.

“Your turn. Tell me more about yourself.” “Not much to tell.” I laugh. “You already know a lot about me.” “And I’d like to know more.” I tap my finger on my chin. “Hmm, well, I hate wasting the day and waking up late. That’s why I don’t drink too much, because hangovers suck. Ever since Michael died, I appreciate life more. We’re not promised tomorrow, so we have to live the fullest of each day.” He nods. “You’re right.” We talk about everything that comes to mind. Our hobbies, favorite foods, my dream to go to Paris, his dream to see the Northern Lights, and we both agree red velvet cake is the best dessert. Our conversation is effortless and we swiftly move from one topic to the next. I’m so comfortable with him. It’s nice to see him smile, laugh, and be carefree. Right now, I’m looking at Logan, not my boss’s son, but a man with so many hopes and dreams. The way his eyes make me loose myself. The way he drives me crazy with his touch… his voice… his smile. “I wanna know more about you. Do you think you’ll let me in?”

Chapter 25

Logan

THE WALLS AROUND my heart are slowly breaking down. I don’t want to push her away or treat her the way I have been. She’s creating a small crack and continues to hammer through the thick walls to reach me. Each time she smiles at me or her sassy mouth goes off, it makes me want her. Crave her. Need her. My breathing stalls when her hand rests on my thigh and she takes a drink of her second martini. The appetizers are on the table, untouched, and I can’t shake off the need to tell her everything about me. “I don’t want to ignore this anymore,” I rasp, and pull her closer to my body. “Then don’t.” “You need to understand if we do this, I need you to be patient and understanding.” “Of course.” The corners of her mouth curve up. She doesn’t break eye contact. “Whatever you need. I’m here.” The heat between us is hard to ignore. Without thinking, I slip my fingers in between hers, bring her hand to my lips, and savor the slight tremble. I move her closer, grab a handful of her hair, and touch my lips to hers. The sweetness of her lips brings back our first night together. With her hair between my fingers, I pull a little harder, making her open her mouth more so I can deepen the kiss. The electric rush pulses through me. She’s gripping my shirt tightly and moaning into my mouth. When I open my eyes, hers are still closed. I lean forward and press my lips on her forehead. “Those are my favorite kinds of kisses.” “Mine too.” I grin and reach over to take a piece of shrimp from the plate and feed it to her. “Mmm, so good,” she moans. My dick is painfully hard and, fuck, I want to sink myself into her.

“Tell me something no one knows,” I beg her, needing to take the focus off her sexy moans. “I love walking the beach at night. There’s something about taking off my shoes and feeling the coolness of the sand. It calms me.” Hannah smiles receptively, as if she knows how hard it is for me to open up. Her patience is unnerving. She’s peeled off my asshole layer and slowly she’s reaching the part of me I’ve hidden to the rest of the world. “Let’s go for a walk on the beach when we’re done,” she suggests. “Okay.” We continue eating and switch to water after two drinks each. The silence between us is comforting, and surprisingly, I can sit here with her for hours and not mind. When we’re done, I pay the bill and we quickly leave and head to the beach. She’s humming a familiar song. I don’t ask her what it is and listen as she continues, not realizing I’m watching her. She grabs my hand and brings it to her lap. I don’t pull back and instantly relax. Between her humming and touch, it’s the first time I’m breathing. Truly breathing. I’m not breathing through the pain, I’m just breathing. We get to the beach, and she entwines her fingers with mine. This whole thing is intimate… too intimate. And I welcome it. “Take off your shoes!” she shouts, and tosses hers to the side. “Please, remember I left those there.” “Of course.” “When Michael and I were younger, our parents used to bring us to the beach and we’d play for hours. He was my hero.” “I’m sorry he died so young.” She shrugs. “You know what kills me?” I don’t respond and wait for her to finish talking. “There was a girl in his life. They met online and then spent a weekend together. He talked about her and I never took the time to ask who she was or anything about her. After six months, she broke up with him, and he fell to pieces. My brother died of a broken heart.” “I’m really sorry, Hannah.” I’m not sure what else there is to say, so I draw her into my arms and place my chin on the top of her head. Since she’s opening up, I decide it’s best I do the same. I want her to know me. All of me. “I was in love once, and sometimes I think I’m still in love. Shannon was my high school sweetheart. We went through school together and gave each other everything. We got married and things were great. I fell more in love with her. I cherished her. Loved her. Showed her the world. Things were going well. Then the hours at the office became too

much for her and we became distant. She wanted a family and I wasn’t ready.” I pause and take in a shattering breath. “Shannon was texting on her phone when the accident happened.” I close my eyes and steady my breathing. Her arms tighten around my middle and I need her touch. “She died instantly and she was pregnant with our child.” “Oh, Logan,” she whispers and tips her head back, looking into my eyes, urging me to come closer. My heart softens and I swallow the large lump in my throat. Right in front of me, in my arms, is the most beautiful and patient woman. She doesn’t expect anything from me except friendship, and she isn’t running for the hills from my hot and cold attitude. She’s sassy and holds her ground. “I’m breathing you in,” I murmur, and I lean forward to kiss her. Our kiss isn’t sexual or too rough. “I’m breathing you in,” she repeats, and wraps her arms tighter around my middle. We break our kiss and continue walking down the beach, alongside the calming water. “It all makes sense now.” “What does?” I ask. “Why you are the way you are. Since you lost Shannon, you closed yourself off so no one would hurt you. You pushed everyone away and made sure to have this asshole front. These walls around your heart are built so high because you’d rather be alone than feel that kind of pain again.” She stops walking and kisses my chest. “I see you, Logan. I see all of you. Behind all the anger and sadness, I can feel your heart—and it’s beating, filling you with the air and nourishment you need to get you through the day. You’re not alone anymore. I want to be the one to vanquish your demons.” This woman is fucking perfect. “Will you be my boyfriend, Logan Davis?” I burst out laughing and pick her up in my arms and spin her around until we fall on the sand. She’s lying on top of me and I love feeling her weight on my body. “Yes, Hannah Harris.” She kisses me and everything rotates in the right direction. My mind’s at peace. My chest takes in the air without constricting and our hearts are beating as one. We’re breathless when our lips part, and once we catch our breath, I bring her back down to my lips and feel her tongue against mine. I feel like I’m home.

When we get to her apartment, I put my car in park and am about to get out when she says my name. “Yeah?” “Spend the night with me. I wanna wake up in your arms tomorrow.” The apartment’s empty when we walk in, and I follow her into her bedroom. I can’t read her thoughts or her expression. “Are you okay?” She pops her head up and smiles. “Yeah, of course. I’m really tired and a little nervous.” “Don’t be. Whatever you want to do, we’ll do or not do.” I walk over and run my fingers through her hair, marveling at the softness, and slowly lower my lips to hers. “All I want to do is be in your arms,” she whispers. “Then that’s what we’ll do.” I strip out of my clothes and leave on my boxers, slide under the bed covers, and wait for her to come out of the bathroom. When the door opens, I look over and see she’s in tiny shorts and a tight tank top. My dick slowly gets hard, and I think of anything to calm down the raging beast. Rotten food. Clowns. The Easter Bunny. Snakes. It finally goes down just in time when Hannah climbs into bed and presses her body against mine. She hikes her leg over mine, and rests her head on my bare chest. I feel vulnerable having her in my arms, and I want to tell her everything. My breathing quickens and I have to close my eyes. Hannah’s fingers gently trail down my chest, going up and down, soothing me, making it better. “We got into a fight before she stormed out. I never got to tell her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me.” “She knows. She knows that you will always love her. We think that in death our loved ones don’t know and will never know, but the memories and vows will always keep your love alive. This guilt you’re carrying, babe, you need to let that go. You didn’t cause her accident, and it’s okay to move on.” Hannah gets up and straddles me, placing both her palms on both sides of my face, and leans down to kiss away the tears I didn’t know were falling. “And now she’s in heaven, watching over you with your baby, so you have to be a better person. Live for her. And live for your son or daughter.” “You don’t think I’m a monster?” “No.” She shakes her head and kisses me again. “You’re human and you’re going to

miss them for the rest of your life. It’s the same with my brother, Michael. I’m going to miss him until the day I take my last breath. I know one day we’ll be together again, but for now, I’m living. That’s all we can do. We can carry on their memories and live the life we’re meant to.” The weight on my shoulders lifts, and for the first time in two years, I’m breathing. I’m breathing and I want to live. And it’s because of this beautiful woman.

Chapter 26

Hannah

LAST NIGHT WAS amazing. Logan opened himself up to me and let me all the way in. He still has a long road of recovery, and I’m going to be there for him every step of the way. I woke up to a note, letting me know he had to go into the office and fix some things, and that when he was done he’d come back. Slowly getting up, I stretch and hop out of bed to get ready for a yoga class I’ve been dying to take. After I put on my clothes, I head out and make my way over to the local gym near the apartment. I swipe my membership card and walk to the end of the gym until I reach the class and get myself ready for sixty minutes of peace and quiet. Yoga is supposed to free your mind and relax your body. When the class is over, I stretch a little more and wipe the sweat off my face and the back of my neck. It’s been over two years since I’ve participated in a yoga class, so taking an advanced class wasn’t a good idea. My plan was to do yoga class for an hour, cardio for an hour, and forty-five minutes of weight training. That’s not happening. I sling my bag over my shoulders and walk out of class. All I want to do is shower and indulge with the greasiest breakfast known to man. I check my phone for any messages and see that I have a text from Logan. A feeling of breathlessness is in my chest and I’m trying like hell to keep the girly giggles to myself. Everything with Logan’s so new to me. I still can’t believe I asked him to be my boyfriend. The smile on his face when I asked will be ingrained in my memory forever. Logan’s different from Aaron in every single way. I’m nervous to do more with him. I’m sure our experience levels are different, too. He doesn’t look like a man who needs a roadmap to a woman’s body. The hunger and fire in his eyes whenever we’re together scares the shit out of me. Aaron’s the only man I’ve been with, and when we had sex, it wasn’t thrilling or

adventurous. It was good, don’t get me wrong, but that “throw me up against the wall and have your way with me” kind of sex didn’t exist to us. The way Logan treats me when he’s not being an asshole is different. The way he holds me, talks to me, and kisses me is as though he’s cherishing me like I matter to him. When I unlock my phone and press the message button, my smile widens. Logan: I woke up this morning happy for the first time in a while. And it’s all because of you. Me: There’s been a shift in my mood too and I think you’re to blame, Mr. Davis. Logan: Then blame away. What are you doing? Me: Walking out of the gym. I had this whole plan of actually working out, but yoga kicked my ass. Logan: Go home, shower, and get ready. I wanna to take you somewhere. Me: Oh yeah? Where’s that? Are you gonna kidnap me and have your way with me? Logan: Don’t tempt me. Me: Fine keep your secrets. I’m really sore so can we stay home today? Logan: Whatever you want. Me: I’ll see you in an hour? Logan: Sounds good.

Before I head home, I drive to Panera for a shake. I need something since there’s not much to eat at home. I figure this will hold me over and then we’ll order take out and get comfortable on the couch and watch a movie and cuddle. After I get my order, I check my phone again. That’s when I hear Logan’s voice. I turn to see him sitting at a booth with some girl. Their conversation seems intense. What’s going on? I feel weird standing in the middle of the restaurant watching him talk to another woman. Should I leave them alone? Who knows, maybe she’s a long-lost cousin or whatever. My curiosity gets the best of me and I decide to walk over and say hi to him before leaving to get ready. When I step up to the booth, the dark-haired girl stares at me with daggers in her eyes. She looks me over, her intense gaze raking me up and down. Holy shit. That’s Paige. “Hannah, what are you doing here?” I turn to Logan, a little surprised about his question. “Hi to you, too. I was getting something to eat before heading home.” He gets up and takes my hand so we can talk in a little corner by the booth. “I know it doesn’t look good, and I’m sorry for being rude. There’s a few things I need to handle with Paige in private. I hope you can understand.” “Is everything okay?”

“It will be,” he tells me. “I promise you. Nothing’s going on.” “I know. I trust you. Just text me when you’re done.” I get up on tippy toes and kiss his cheek. As soon as I get home, I take the quickest shower known to mankind, change into shorts and a simple V-neck t-shirt, and meet Eden and Lincoln out in the living room. They’re home a little early because Eden’s not feeling good. “Are you sure I can’t get you something?” I ask Eden. “I’m good. Lincoln made me eat soup and it didn’t agree with me. I had a slice of toast before you got back. Thanks though, babe.” “Of course.” I’m watching some action movie when I hear my phone. I grab it and see that it’s a text from Logan. Logan: I’m sorry about earlier. Me: It’s okay. Everything all set? Logan: Yeah. Is it okay if I come over? Me: Of course.

I don’t see the ellipses on the text screen, so I figure he’ll be here soon. I put away my phone and get up to grab a bottle of water from the fridge when someone knocks on the door and I answer it without thinking because I know it’s Logan. “Hi beautiful.” “Hi handsome.” He smiles and I open the door wider so he can come in. I grab my bottle of water and we walk back to the living room to join Eden and Lincoln. After the movie’s over, I take Logan’s hand and bring him to my bedroom. When I close the door and join him on my bed, I wait for him to say something. “Thank you for understanding. Paige needed someone to talk to and now she’s gonna be spending time in a rehab facility. She needs help, more than I can give her.” “I’m glad she’s getting the help she needs.” “Me too.” I offer him a slow nod, but unease twists through my belly and settles in a tight knot at the base of my lungs, making it difficult to breathe, to calm my nerves. He stands and hovers over me, lowering his lips to mine. “Thank you for understanding where I’m coming from. I’m trying, baby. I am.” I sigh, twisting my fingers in his wavy brown hair. “I know.”



Chapter 27

Logan

“I‘M OUT OF ideas, Shannon. Everything I suggest you throw away because it’s not what you want. Stop being so selfish and learn how to compromise.” “I don’t care anymore. I give up!” she screams and grabs her purse, storming out the door. I should go after her. But I don’t. I wake up from the dream, drenched in sweat and needing whiskey to push away the shit in my head. It’s been two weeks since Hannah and I became official. She’s amazing. Fucking amazing. There’s nothing about her I don’t admire. Her heart’s big, she’s caring, and every day we’re together, it becomes easy—just easier. Being with her is too good to mess up. As much of an asshole as I am, I know she’s what I need. I haven’t craved alcohol since we became official. She makes me want to be better. I don’t want to be numb or block out the things I’ve been through. She’s patient with me, giving me the space I need to gather my thoughts and desire to explain Paige to her. I throw the covers off my body, I get out of bed and get ready for the day. After I finish getting dressed, I send Hannah a text and let her know I’ll be in the office within the hour. Her response puts a fucking smile on my face. Hannah: Sounds good. I miss you. Can’t wait to see you =) Hannah: PS side note, I’m picking us up coffee and breakfast. See you soon.

I head downstairs and grab the necessary files I need for today’s meetings. My gaze drifts to a half-empty bottle of whiskey sitting on the bar. I break out in a cold sweat. My mouth goes dry and my body trembles. I take a few shuffling steps across the kitchen, curl my sweaty hand around the neck of the bottle, and imagine the burning taste flowing over

my tongue, sliding down my throat and— Hannah’s voice pops into my head. You’re stronger than the alcohol, Logan. I picture her smile, her bright smile, and suddenly I’m calm again. All it takes is for me to think about her, and everything falls into place. I breathe in, out, and jerk my gaze away from the bottle. I’m doing the right thing. With her, I can do anything. Even though I sound like a damn pussy, I don’t give a shit. I’m doing this for me… and for her. The day goes by without any issues. We’re in back-to-back meetings, and I love seeing her in the zone. Hannah doesn’t miss a beat, and her skills as my assistant are above and beyond. I make note to talk to my father about putting her in a different position— something higher, more deserving. When I knock on his door, he calls for me to come in, and I’m seated in a chair across from him. “What’s going on?” I adjust my tie and let him know what I think. “Hannah’s too good for an assistant. She needs more. I need her to do more. Her creativity and sense of business strategies exceed our expectations from senior-level positions. In today’s meeting with Viacom, she impressed me with the stats she quoted, and the possible outside influences. I think next week, she should come with me to California when we meet with them.” My father strokes his chin in deep thought, and looks between me and the reports Hannah provided. “Also, she’s secured two additional clients based on her research. She needs an analytical role—and to be on my team, but not as my assistant. She deserves more.” “I see.” He gets up from his chair and crosses to the window. “Does this have anything to do with your newfound relationship with her?” I’m not surprised he knows. When I was little and into my teenage years, I never was able to get away with anything. My parents found out, even sometimes before I did anything. “No,” I respond with conviction. “She’s what we need. I’ve shown you all the details and statistics. Even if you don’t believe me, the reports don’t lie. Numbers don’t lie.” “Ah.” He points at me. “Seems like something I’ve taught you has stuck. If you want her for this, then you’ll need to find a new assistant. This quarter is promising. You can’t manage your own schedule.” “Okay. I’ll contact the temp agency and see what they have available.” He nods. “Good. I’ll see to a new position and tell HR to immediately push through her new role.” My father gets on the phone with the head of HR, letting her know what needs to be done, and to call Hannah for a meeting to finalize the position. Once he’s off the

phone, we sit down again and he says, “I suggest you gently let her know of her new position. She may feel as though she’s not deserving of this position, and we can’t have her thinking that.” “Of course.” We talk about this quarter’s goals before I leave his office and head back to mine. I notice Hannah’s not at her desk, and when I go into my office I see a note on my computer monitor. Meeting with HR. I’ll BBL. Since the meeting with my father, I haven’t heard from Hannah. She left her phone at her desk, and I’m not sure when she’ll be done with HR. Three hours pass, and I’m getting anxious. I wish I had the chance to talk to her before her meeting. By the time I’m done with my four o’clock meeting, Hannah’s in my office with a scowl on her face. “Please do not tell me you had anything to do with my promotion. Please. I don’t want it, because my boss—who I’m dating and screwing—pushed for it. I want it on my own merit.” “First”—I walk over and lean down to kiss her forehead—“we haven’t screwed in weeks, and second, no, I brought up the promotion to my father based on the evidence of the clients you secured and your research.” I brush a strand of hair away from her face and kiss her again. “You deserve it, Hannah.” “Really?” she excitedly beams, and wraps her arms around my neck. “Thank you so much.” “No need to thank me, baby.” “Do you want me to find you a new assistant?” “A new one will be here tomorrow. Let me show you where your new office will be. We should set up now.” “Okay,” she says and I lead her down the hall toward her office. When we’re inside, I watch her walk toward her new desk, placing her hand on top, and gliding it from one side to the other. “This is amazing. I don’t know what to say.” “There’s nothing for you to say,” I tell her. “You worked hard and proved you can handle more responsibilities.” “It’s just all so much.” I walk over to her and place my hand on her cheek. “You’re a hard worker, baby. I’m not the only one who noticed. Having you in this position will do wonders for the company.” I watch her smile grow as she slides her arms around my neck and places her cheek against my chest. “Would you like to join me and my parents at dinner tonight?” “Of course,” she whispers, and lets me go to explore her office some more.

The bookcase near the door matches the large mahogany desk. Two monitors are aligned on the right L of the desk with her laptop to the left where she can access both at the same time. Two overstuffed chairs are positioned opposite her desk for clients and visitors. I swivel my head to the right and notice a couch on the other side of the office. “Oh, the things we can do on that couch with the doors locked.” She slaps me on the arm and a fit of laughter fills the office. “We’re not having sex in here!” “Why’s that?” “Because this”—she spreads her arms wide and spins around—”is where I can think and be professional. If we have sex in here, then I’ll think about you all the time and won’t get work done.” “I beg to differ.” I stroll over to her, place my finger beneath her chin, and raise it so her gaze is latched on mine. “You want it just as badly as me.” “Hush,” she whispers. Thank fuck I locked the door when we first came in. I take a deep breath through my nose, having her scent fill me, before lifting her body to mine and carrying her over to the couch. Once I have her where I need her to be, I pull her dress up along her thighs and groan into her mouth, teasing the lace edge of her panties with my fingers. “Did you wear this tight little dress to tease me?” “Maybe,” she breathlessly whispers, groaning when I place my lips on her inner thighs. I push aside her panties and lick her folds before sucking her clit, pushing two fingers inside her. Fuck, she’s wetter than our first time together. I fuck her hard with my fingers, rubbing strong circles on her clit. Her moans become louder, and right before she’s about to come, I pull my fingers out. “W-why? I was so close.” I smirk, taking out a condom from my wallet, and unbutton my pants. My cock springs free. She licks her lips and her eyes are full of need and desire. The searing burn deepens into my chest. She gets up and presses her lips to my ear. “Fuck me against the wall.” “Shit.” I groan and immediately give her what she wants. My hands grip her soft as silk ass as I slam her back against the wall. Her arms wrap around my neck, holding me tightly, and my cock thrusts hard into her. She smells like heaven and I can’t get enough of how she feels when I’m inside her. I’m drunk on her—on everything about her. Our breathing races and the tightness around my cock nearly pushes me over the edge, where I want to be. “So close,” she moans into my shoulder, quieting her impending orgasm.

“Fuck. Hannah,” I roar out, not giving a shit who can hear me. She fiercely shakes, holding onto me for support, and feathers my face with soft kisses. Slowly, I put her down and discard the condom. I jam my legs into my pants, readjust my cock, and wrap myself around Hannah. We take a long, peaceful moment to stand in the middle of her office, just holding each other, right here in the now.



WE ARRIVE AT the restaurant to meet my parents for dinner, and find them in the corner. I give my mom a kiss on her cheek and shake my dad’s hand. Hannah does the same with my mom, and my dad gives her a hug. I notice the smile on my mom’s face and ignore her while talking to my dad, filling him in on the potential clients and our plan of attack. “What?” Mom leans in close to me and whispers, “You’re different. Honey, why are you different?” “No reason.” I sip on my lemon water and know what’s about to come. She eyes Hannah, who is talking to my dad, and then Mom turns back to me. “She’s adorable, and I’m so glad you two are together. Thank you for bringing her to dinner so your father and I can get to know her more. She’s delightful, Logan.” Growing up, I never could keep anything from my parents, especially not my mom. She always knew what I was doing, sometimes before I even knew. Whenever I was going through something—whether good or bad, I knew I could come to her and we’d talk it out. I smile to myself and reach over to take Hannah’s cool hand. “She is.” “Hannah, dear, how’s everything at work?” my mom asks. She grins and lets out a small giggle. “Very good. I love being part of the team.” “We’re lucky to have you,” my dad replies, and I nod in agreement. “Oh, dear, you’ll have to join us for dinner more often.” “Thank you so much for having me tonight,” Hannah says while gazing at my parents. “It means so much to me.” Mom waves a dismissive hand. “Nonsense. You have no idea how much it means to us to have you here. Oh, and thank you again for those beautiful flowers you gave me while Logan was in the hospital. Did you know the orchids are still growing?” “I’m so glad.” She claps and then laces her hands together.

Mom clinks a spoon against her glass. “Oh, Logan, you have an amazing woman in your life. Please don’t let her go!” Dad winks in agreement. I pull Hannah’s hands from her lap and untangle her fingers. “I don’t plan on it.” Hannah blushes and I raise her hand to my lips. I catch a faint whiff of her pussy on my own fingers and groan at the jolt of desire it sends through my blood. My cock stirs against my zipper and I recall the hot, moist snugness of her stroking me, going wild on me against that wall. I slouch in my seat to hide my growing erection. Aw, hell, this is going to be the longest, most painful damn dinner of my life.

Chapter 28

Hannah

“THE THREE OF you leave my kitchen and go find something to do. I don’t care what it is, just leave.” I laugh at Eden and her maniac ways. She’s cooking dinner for us tonight, and she’s in her don’t fuck with me mode. Lincoln and Logan take a seat on the couch and he pulls me down to the living room floor and wedges me between his legs. When his hands massage my shoulders, I moan and lean into his touch. We’ve been working so hard these past few weeks with the Hexton and Raymond contract. Everything needed to be redone, and I had to figure out a different strategy, something more innovative to capture the attention of our potential clients. While Logan’s massaging me, he continues his conversation with Lincoln about sports or whatever. He has no idea how wet I am and how badly I want to jump on him and have my wicked way with him. A call takes Lincoln away, and Logan leans down and kisses the outside of my ear, causing me to let out the most girly giggle. I love the scruff on his face and tell him every day not to shave. He looks so relaxed in his jeans and white t-shirt. I love casual-looking Logan almost as much as suit-wearing Logan, who dominates in the conference room and bedroom or kitchen or living room or car. Pretty much wherever we can have sex, we do. Honestly, I wonder how I can keep up with him. I don’t complain. He’s the best boyfriend and lover. Sure, I only have Aaron to compare him to, but there’s no comparison whatsoever. “I miss you,” he whispers, and kisses the side of my head. Swoon. Giggle. Swoon. Melt. This man is everything, and he affects me in so many ways. I love his intelligence, his mind, his words, his body, his heart… I love it all. Eden calls us over to the table and the four of us enjoy her newest creation—steak and coconut shrimp with an apple balsamic glaze and a side of honey-glazed carrots with rice

pilaf. Honestly, I don’t know how I’m not huge from all the eating I do. When dinner and dessert is over, we go our separate ways. Instead of going to Logan’s tonight, he’s spending the night here with me. After closing the bedroom door, he turns to me and his eyes travel down my body. Slowly, he licks his lips. I squeeze my legs together and watch him make his way toward me. Having him inside me again is what I’m craving. What I want. What I need. “You drive me insane, do you know that?” “Maybe,” I whisper, and feel his lips on my neck. My fingers run down his chest to the hem of his shirt. I lift it up over his body and toss it on the floor. Without a second to waste, Logan has me against the wall, naked, and panting for him. All of him. “Fuck,” he hisses, sliding into me, and pulling all the way out to thrust hard again. My body shivers with need. His thrusts become quicker and harder. I’m scratching the hell out of his back, my lips on his neck, begging for more. “I love what my touch does to you,” he mutters in my hair as he slows his pace and carries me to my bed. “You’re everything to me. Do you know how happy you make me?” “Trust me, I think I know.” That boyish grin is back, and as soon as his desire overtakes me, he introduces me to a new level of euphoria, showing me just how happy he really is. The next morning, we head into the office together, holding hands, and he kisses me before walking me into my office. I’m so in love with Logan, I can barely think. Before I know it, he’s popping into my office around lunch time, and I’m finally looking up from my computer. “Ready?” I smile and nod, following him to his office. When he hands me my drink, I silently thank the Starbucks gods and enjoy my first sip. A few moments later, we’re sitting at the table with papers everywhere and my iPad open so I can show him the charts I created. “Everything looks great, Hannah. When you get back to your office, can you look up this information?” He hands me a file and I open it to skim through the questions and what’s needed. It’s easy to find, and most of it is on my laptop. “No problem. Do you want me to order you anything for lunch?” “Cole and Parks—there’s a menu online. I think a chicken salad on a croissant will be fine. Do you have the company credit card?” I nod. “Okay, good. Be sure to order yourself something. After you pick it up, bring it back to

my office. I’d like to have lunch with you.” “Okay.” I end up smiling. I’m gathering all the papers together when I feel his strong hand on my back. I lift my head and see how close he is to me. Oh, my. “You look gorgeous, Hannah. I don’t think I told you that at all today. That dress and those black heels are fucking dangerous.” “Dangerous?” “Mmm.” He doesn’t say anything else. My body heats when I see the desire and fire in his eyes. Maybe I should invest in more dresses like this. Thank you, Calvin Klein.



“IT’S A BEAUTIFUL day outside. Let’s take the rest of today off. I want to take you out on my boat today.” I look up from my computer and see a smiling Logan with his suit jacket off and his tie loosened around his neck. “It’s Thursday, we have—” “Already rescheduled.” “But…” He flings up a dismissive hand and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. “Not going to roll your eyes at me, are you?” Instead, I stick out my tongue like a child and gather files and my laptop before following him out of the office. His hand immediately goes to my back as we head to the elevator and down to his car. “I want to spend the afternoon with you. Just us. Nothing else.” My heart jumps up and down. The past few days have been busy with meetings and securing a few contracts. With the developmental team pushing over twelve hours a day, Logan and I had to work the weekend, as well. A day out of the office doesn’t seem too bad. We don’t head to his house or my apartment. I turn to look at him and he sets his hand

on my thigh, resting it there, and giving me a sideways smile. “I have everything for us. I packed last night in hopes of spending time together today, so our things are on my boat. Don’t worry.” We get to his speedboat in Canandaigua and he helps me aboard. Immediately, I follow him to another room below and we change into our swimsuits. Once back on deck, I sit down and watch him fire up the engine and then we sail out onto the lake. When he settles the boat in a more secluded area, I wrap my arms around his middle, kissing his muscular, bare back. “What’s on your mind?” I whisper, and move so we’re facing each other. “You.” “What about me?” He leans down to kiss me ever so lightly. “How happy you make me.” The cheesiest grin spreads on my face, but I can’t help it. He makes me feel happy and safe without doing much of anything. For the next hour, we jump into the lake, relax in the sun, and talk about anything and everything. Neither of us brings up work, which is fine with me, and I learn a lot more about him—his likes, his dislikes, his favorite foods, and his hidden passion for reading. “What was the last book you read?” Before he answers, his phone goes off, and I notice the expression on his face when he sees who it is. Logan doesn’t answer. Instead, he slides the phone back into his swim trunks. We’re both dry since the blazing sun is on us. “Do you…?” I’m distracted by the sound of his phone again and he does the same thing—looks at it but puts it away without answering it. Whoever it is, he doesn’t want to talk to them, and I have a feeling I know who it is. “Is it Paige?” “Yes.” I let out a sigh and sit up, bringing my knees to my chest. “Answer it. She must need you for something.” I try to keep my voice from being too bitchy. “It’s fine, you can talk to her.” “I’m not looking for your permission. I’m here with you, and I don’t want to talk to her. Drop it, Hannah. It’s not an issue.” “Whatever,” I mumble. This is what I hate about him. He can switch from playful, sexy, and sweet, to someone I don’t want to be around. The silence is killing me, but what else is there to say? When he gets this way, I have to remember I told him I’d be patient. Yet saying it and doing it are

two completely different things. “Don’t be upset.” Logan sits down beside me and lifts me to sit on his lap. My brain is working overtime. He’s telling me not to be upset, but how can I not be? He freaks out over little things, and sometimes it’s annoying and I don’t want to deal with him, either. “Talk to me,” he says, nuzzling his face in my neck. “Please.” “When you become an asshole and defensive, it bothers me. It makes me think you’re hiding something.” This gets his attention, and he moves me a little over so my legs are still over his, but I’m not sitting on his lap anymore. Our bodies are turned toward each other, and the blazing anger in his eyes makes me wish I could keep my thoughts to myself. “Do you wanna know? Are you ready to hear some fucked-up shit?” I gulp back the lump of uncertainty and slowly nod. “Paige is Shannon’s twin sister.” I blink a few times, never breaking contact with Logan, and reach out to him to cup his cheek. “That’s it?” He doesn’t respond or shift away from me. I move back on his lap and touch my lips to his. “You have an interesting way of healing, Logan Davis. But you don’t need that anymore. You have me, and I’m not going anywhere. You can try and scare me all you want. Underneath all of your pain and anxiety is a man who is smart, beautiful, sexy, charming, sweet, funny, and most importantly, mine. I’m not letting you go.” Logan stares at me and his once cold eyes are now full of warmth and something else I can’t seem to put my finger on. “You’re not disgusted with me?” “Of course not.” I reassure him with the strength in my voice and the desire on my lips. We spend a few more hours under the sun and on the boat before he drops me off at home. Tonight, Logan’s going out with Lincoln for some bromance dinner. Once I’m inside, I snuggle on the couch with Eden and fill her in. “At first, I thought he was wrong for you, but I can see how happy he makes you, and it’s good he’s opening up.” “He means so much to me.” I couldn’t agree more with her statement. Leaving Ohio to come here, I didn’t expect to move on so quickly from Aaron and fall in love. I didn’t expect any of this and now I’m not sure how I ever went this long without knowing how

to truly feel about someone. “I know we just started. But when you know, you know.” “Exactly. Lincoln told me he loved me last night.” “What did you say?” “I said, I love you, too.” Eden smiles and takes a sip of her red wine. “He really wants me to move in.” Her voice gets a little quiet, and I hate we’re in this position. “I can afford the apartment on my own, Eden. If you wanna do it, then do it.” “It’s not that.” “Then?” She lets out a breathy, ragged sigh. “It feels so sudden. I do love him, and he means the world to me. I don’t think I’m ready for that step yet.” I try to put myself in her shoes. If Logan asked me to move in, I think I’d freak out, too, and have to say no. The next morning, I pull into Logan’s driveway and walk the short path to go inside his house since we’re working from home today, and let myself in. He’s in the living room with his bare feet resting on the ottoman, and turns to watch me sit down next to him. When I lean in to give him a kiss good morning, his phone vibrates, and I peek and confirm that it’s Paige… again. “Don’t worry about it.” “I know.” I smile, but I’m not being honest. I don’t want to lie to him. “Can you please just answer her? It’s not normal for someone to continually call or text.” He glowers at me. “No. You’re right, it’s not normal for her to do this, but I don’t care. I told her we were finished, and she knows about us. I’m not sure why she’s calling and frankly it’s not my issue anymore. She’s safe in the facility so whatever she needs, she can ask them.” “It’s frustrating,” I honestly admit. “I get that you and her are sharing the same pain of losing Shannon, but seriously, she needs to stop and take a hint.” “Baby, I know.” “Ugh,” I sigh. “I’m not trying to be a bitch. Just frustrated.” When his phone vibrates again, I reach for it and see that there are several unopened text messages. Every single one is coming from her. I can’t take anymore of her desperate pleas, I notice Logan’s hand rise and I flinch, cover my face, and duck down. My hands are trembling. I hand him his phone. “Hannah. Are you fucking serious?” I don’t say anything. Honestly, I have no idea why I did that. “Did you think I was going to fucking hit you?”

I slide my hands halfway down my face and peep at him between my fingers to see his surprised and hurt expression. “I was only trying to put my arm around you. Baby, I would never hurt you. Why did you do that?” I shake my head. “I don’t know. I saw your hand and I immediately thought I pissed you off by looking at your phone. I’m sorry.” “Stop.” Logan drags me into his arms and holds me for a few minutes before kissing me on the side of my head and putting me down on the couch. “Let’s get some work done.” He smiles and kisses me before we start working.

Chapter 29

Logan

SOMETHING ISN’T SITTING right with me. My mind goes back to this morning. She thought I was going to fucking hit her. No matter how pissed off I am or how annoyed she makes me, I’d never lay a hand on her. “Hannah?” “Hmm?” “Did someone hit you before?” Her body tenses and I have my answer. Slowly, she turns to me, still chewing on the pen cap, which I’ve learned she does when she’s nervous. Her eyes fill with tears. “One night, Aaron came home drunk, and I forgot to put the cover up on his car, so he went off on me and pushed me against the wall. It was an accident and never happened again.” Red. All I see is red. Hannah talked about her ex-boyfriend and how they broke up. She never brought up this incident—and there better not be any more. Her small hand wraps around my wrist and it’s too much. I’m full of adrenaline and need to walk before I lose my mind. “Please don’t worry,” she says. “It happened once and I got freaked out when you did that. I know you wouldn’t hurt me.” I walk around, pacing my living room, and turn back to kneel down in front of her. “I will never hurt you like that. I will never lay my hands on you like that. Do you understand?” She nods and I press my lips to her forehead. Her arms wrap around my middle and she sighs before her lips are on my neck. It’s been a few days since we made love and my dick is wide awake for her. I pick her up and hold her softness close. She wraps her legs around my waist as I carry her to my room.

My room. I pause mid-step and study her beauty. This isn’t some random woman in my arms, waiting for me to take her. No. This is Hannah. The woman I’m falling in love with. I close my eyes and continue walking until we’re in my room. Gently placing her on my bed, I kiss her mouth, start a trail down her cheek and jaw, and slowly suck on her neck. Her sweet scent fully invades me, and I can’t wait to have her. My hands shake and my fingers fumble as I unbutton her blouse. I lift her up so I can undress her, taking in her beautiful, soft skin and body. My lips brush across her collarbone, moving down to her needy, pink nipple. Her hands move to my pants, unfastening them and pulling them down along with my boxers. When her small, warm fingers wrap around my cock, holding it firmly in her hand, she uses her other to massage my balls. An idea comes to me and I pull away before heading into my closet and grabbing a tie. I return and climb back on the bed. She cocks her head to the side a little, her eyes widening when she sees the tie in my hand. “Logan?” Her breath is raspy, and even though she looks scared, my naughty girl’s getting excited. “I bet if I run my fingers over your pussy, it’s soaking wet. Am I right?” She nods and keeps her eyes on the tie. “Tell me you want me to tie you up.” “Do it, Logan. I want you to tie me up.” I strip her out of her leggings and thong, shove her up on my bed, flip her over, and tie her hands together. I finish it off by looping the tie on the railings of my headboard. My hands drag down her body before I grip her hips and yank her ass up in the air. I reach out to her, my fingers spreading her lips and putting pressure on her clit. “You’re wet.” “Of course I am.” I reach down and grab a condom from my nightstand and slide it over my hard cock. Moving my hand, I lean down and kiss her ass cheeks before teasing her. I take my time, entering her, making her feel every inch of my cock before I’m fully in her. I see her head thrown back and the tie around her wrists rubbing her skin. The perfect storm we’re creating is circling around us, waiting for the spark of lighting to ignite. I can hear the rapidness of her breathing, and her moans grow increasingly louder. Her body moves and meets my hard thrusts, and she tightens around my cock. I know she’s ready to come. The heat from her pussy, mixed with her moaning, and seeing her tied to my bed is taking everything I have not to blow. My pace slows. I reach over and unfasten the tie, slowly unraveling it from her wrists,

and rolling her onto her back. When I enter her again, our eyes are connected, and everything that’s inside of me—the guilt, frustration, anger, and sadness rush away. Hannah replaces those feelings with love. The love fills my lungs, and I breath her in, breathe our love in. It’s healing me. Her body matches mine like we’re made for each other. Our moans fill the room as we create a beautiful symphony, ready for the last piece of music. “Now, Hannah,” I roar, and we both find our release. Something inside me unleashes, something I haven’t ever felt, and at that moment, I let myself go. After I clean her up and we take a quick shower, she’s wrapped in my arms and I lower my lips to hers, silencing our thoughts. I cover her body with mine, and pull her softness to my chest, holding her tightly, and never wanting to let go. I know I’m irrevocably in love with her. “Don’t leave tonight. Stay here.” “Okay.” I feel her smile against my chest and my curious hand moves down her delectable body until my fingers find where they want to go. A few hours pass and I wake up, holding Hannah in my arms, looking down and memorizing every feature on her beautiful, sleeping face. Then anger spurs through me, remembering what she told me about her ex-boyfriend. A man should never place his hands on a woman. The whole time she told me about that one incident, all I could think about was praying we’d never crossed paths. If I ever saw him, I wouldn’t hesitate to put my fucking hands on him. I gently kiss her forehead and hold her tighter against my body. “I’ll always keep you safe. I’ll always make you happy. Thank you for being patient and staying with me.”

Chapter 30

Hannah

IT’S LATE WHEN I wake up in Logan’s arms. The clock reads one fifty-eight, and I look down to see him peacefully sleeping. I nestle into the warmth between us and I feel safe. I snuggle closer to him, pressing my ear to his heart, and listening to it softly beat against his chest. I love the sound it’s making. The thrumming rhythm keeps me awake, although I should be sleeping. Moving out of his arms, I find a shirt of his and slip it over my body. I tiptoe out of his bedroom in search of my phone and a bottle of water. My phone’s next to my laptop, and when I check my messages, there’s a few from Eden. She’s letting me know to have fun with Logan, and she’ll hopefully see me tomorrow. I don’t want to text her back this late and disrupt her sleep, or whatever she’s doing with Lincoln. When I walk into the bedroom, Logan’s thrashing over the bed. He’s moving from side to side and fighting to breathe. He’s groaning and his eyes are tightly closed, as if he’s afraid to wake up. His blanket is off and he’s gripping the beige bedsheets. “Logan!” I hurry over and kneel beside him, place my hand on his chest, and gently soothe him, letting him know it’s okay to wake up and open his eyes. “Come on, baby. Open your eyes for me. I’m here.” He wraps his arms around me, securing me to his body. “Hannah,” he mutters, and his light snore returns, filling my ears.



THE WEEKS TURN into months, and fall swiftly arrives. It’s weird how everything in my life

is blending together when I’m so in love and so happy. Everything at the firm is going well, and Austen’s impressed with the contracts we’ve obtained and the financial gain at the end of the third quarter. The company as a whole has immensely improved, and every employee earned an extra week’s vacation and a bonus depending on their time at the company. Austen gathered everyone at a nearby hotel to hold a meeting, and he spoke about how proud he was of everyone. Logan was next and his speech sincerely touched many people in the company. He thanked everyone for their hard work, dedication, and commitment to the family. It was incredible watching him speak so eloquently to the company, and express himself. He showed compassion with his words and conviction in his voice. We’re doing better than ever. He’s perfect. One hundred percent perfect. We’re letting each other in, and I can honestly say he’s my best friend. Paige is back in Rochester and comes around every now and then, and even though we aren’t friends, we’ve civil with one another. They’re in points of their lives where Paige doesn’t need Logan as much as she thought —well, I think it’s also because she has Cal in her life now. Tonight’s date night and it’s Logan’s turn to plan something. I pull into his driveway ten minutes to six and get out and walk inside his house. I cross into the kitchen, lean against the wall, and admire him from behind. Whatever he’s cooking on the stove smells delicious, and my stomach rumbles a little. He’s wearing faded jeans and a gray Henley shirt. The jeans fit his ass perfectly, and the Henley shirt hugs his back, showing off his sexy muscles. Yes, my man is mouthwateringly sexy. I slip up behind him and wrap my arms around his middle, kissing his back and smelling his musky and clean scent. All Logan. This is where I want to be. This is where I belong. After a long day of work and meetings, coming here to Logan’s and spending hours talking, making love, and being in his arms makes each day worth it. “Hi.” He slightly turns and kisses the top of my head. Sigh, my favorite spot. “I’m going to go change and be back down.” He bangs a lid, moves a pot on the stove. I look over and see he’s making sauce and there’s food in the oven. “Okay. Oh, can you bring me down the box on the bed?” “Yeah, of course,” I tell him and lean on my tippy toes to give him another kiss. Since I’m spending a lot of time here, some of my clothes and things I need are here. I still live in the apartment with Eden, but we’re both in the same position. She spends most of her time at Lincoln’s. We get together on Tuesdays and Thursdays for girl time, and then Sunday we have dinner at our apartment with the guys. Part of me wants Logan to

ask me to move in, and Eden wants to be in the right position to move in with Lincoln. He asks her at least three times a week. Eden’s scared to move so quickly, and I get it because part of me feels the same way with Logan, and the other part knows he’s the one I want to spend my life with. When you find someone who fills you with love and passion, you hold on tight and love all of them. All of their scars, beauty, and heart. True love, the kind that you cradle and cherish deep inside your soul, isn’t a feeling that’ll always come. It’s not something you go out and find. When you’re ready, love finds you, and captures your soul. With Logan, even though I can quit my job and know he’ll take care of me in that manner, he also takes care of my body, mind, and soul. Logan’s my soul mate. We connect on a level that I know I’ll never find again. Walking into the bedroom, I strip out of my work clothes and throw on a pair of booty spandex shorts and one of his t-shirts. We’re staying in tonight, so the name of the game is all about being comfortable. I see the box on his bed, and of course curiosity takes over and I open the box to find a Post-it note. I know you too well. Go ahead and open the box. It’s for you. -Logan Like a kid on Christmas morning, I rip off the wrapping paper and open the long, velvet box to find a star-shaped pendant. On one side there are encrusted diamonds, and on the other there’s an engraved message. You’re my star. I love you, Hannah. “He loves me,” I murmur, and I gently touch the star. “He loves me.” “I do.” I spin around to see Logan standing in the doorframe with a huge smile on his face. He looks so relaxed, and I love where we are in our life together. “I love you, too, Logan. So much.” Leaping off the bed, I run into his embrace and wrap my arms around his neck. We hold each other tight as he walks me back to the bed and slowly cherishes my body, letting me know how much he loves me without using words. I place my palms on his chest and push him off me. His eyes widen when I spring up before he can object, unbutton his jeans, and pull them down with his boxers. Then I drop to my knees in front of him. “Hannah…” His voice trails off as I take him in my hands, and slide them up and down his dick. He groans a little and grows hard in my grip when I stroke him and massage his balls.

“Tell me what you want me to do, Logan. I’m not the greatest with oral sex, so I want to know what you love and what drives you insane.” His eyes are frozen on mine as he grabs my hair and piles it on top of my head, tangling his fingers in the strands, and never taking his eyes off me. I stick out my tongue and press it to the side of his penis. He growls and his head falls back. I slide my tongue upward and gently kiss the tip of his cock. A hiss erupts from his lips and I smile, knowing this is working and turning him on. “If you don’t talk dirty to me and tell me what you want, then we’re gonna be here for a while, and I heard blue balls really hurts.” Logan’s not saying anything. When I glance up, his eyes are slightly closed and his lips are parted. I love knowing that I’m doing this to him. He’s so experienced, and I try not to think about the other women he’s been with. Even though I’m a little inexperienced, the way he’s moaning and reacting to me makes me conclude that I know what I’m doing. It’s an euphoric feeling, and I’m about to bring him to his knees. I swirl my tongue over his tip and the grip he has on my hair gets tighter. His body shudders and he mutters “fuck” a few times. “I want to know what you need me to do to you.” “Put your mouth over my dick. Slide it down, slowly, all the way down, so I can feel the back of your throat. While you’re doing this, take your hands and put them behind your back. Don’t touch me while you suck me. You can’t touch me until I tell you to. You got it?” I nod. “Good. When you slide your mouth back up, swirl your tongue over the head and suck a little.” I listen to what he likes and follow his instructions. Placing my hands behind me, I take his dick into my mouth and slowly glide down over him, letting my tongue press against his cock until I can’t go down any more. He’s so big. I can’t fit him all in my mouth. Part of me is pissed, so I keep going down until I gag. “Fuck, baby.” He likes it when I gag. I bounce my mouth over him and relax my throat until he’s further up inside me. “Holy shit. Baby, fuck. Shit.” Hearing him like this turns me on. I continue giving him head and licking, making him feel good. When I bring my mouth to his balls, sucking him lightly like he told me to, I hear his breathing grow more erratic and I know he’s about to orgasm. I put his dick back in my mouth and continue deep-throating him, going down a little farther, making sure he hears me gagging. When he releases my hair, he quickly picks me up and brings me to the bed, stripping me out of my shorts and turning me over so I’m on

my hands and knees. “Shit,” he mutters, looking around for something. “What?” “We ran out of condoms.” I hold in my laugh. I guess we have more sex than I thought. “It’s okay. I’m on the pill and I just had a physical, so I’m clean, plus, I’ve only been with you since Aaron.” “Are you sure? Fuck, baby. I’m clean, too. I fucking swear.” “Logan,” I beg, “I’m fine with us not using a condom, so please hurry.” He slides inside of me and pushes himself deeper. I moan, gripping the bedsheets and moving along with him. He fills me completely, and rocks me until we’re both crying out each other’s names. “It’s your turn to tell me how you want me to fuck you, my sweet naughty girl.” “Harder,” I tell him. “You need to fuck me harder. I’m not gonna break.” When he slams into me, over and over, my body convulses with pleasure and I scream my orgasm, telling him to keep going. It feels so good, and the pain is barely there. As he slides in and out of me, he reaches around my hip and uses his fingers to rub my clit. It’s so sensitive, I almost come again. “Is this what you want?” “Yes,” I moan, and rock with him. His speed increases. When his fingers leave my clit, I feel both of his hands grabbing my ass and he fucks me faster. “Come with me, Hannah.” “So close. So close.” We moan with our release, letting it take over our bodies, until the end. Logan kisses my ass cheeks and gently slides out. I hear him head to the bathroom, and I smile, knowing he’s getting a warm wash cloth to clean me. Once we’re freshened up, Logan bends down and kisses my lips. “You’re amazing. The most amazing and beautiful woman I’ve ever known. I love how you make me feel. I love the smile you give me. I love everything about you and everything we are. I am truly in love with you.” “I love you, too. Every piece of you is mine and will always be mine. I love your good side, your dark side, your sweet side, and your naughty side. There’s nothing we can’t do together. Whatever’s ahead for us, we’ll tackle it head on, because that’s how strong our love is, Logan.”

“Kiss me,” he whispers with a boyish grin. And I do.

Chapter 31

Logan

IT’S NEARLY TWO in the morning when I wake up from a dream about Shannon. My eyes focus in the darkness and I turn to see Hannah curled up close to me. Her naked body’s under the covers and I want to cherish her again, but fuck, I can’t. I don’t remember everything in my dream. I remember seeing Shannon and hearing her voice. She’s asking me why and if I forgot about her. Quietly, I get out of bed and go downstairs. I need a fucking drink. I need to push her out because this isn’t what Hannah deserves. She deserves all of me. I know she’ll understand my need for a drink. I open my liquor cabinet and take out a new bottle of whiskey. I carry the bottle outside to the deck and drink straight from it, relishing in the familiar burn I used to love so much. One swig turns to three, and three swigs to six. My head’s in a fog. This is what I miss. I fucking miss the numbness and not remembering. Even though Hannah’s the light that’s saving me, this bottle is what’s keeping me from drowning. I bring the bottle to my lips again, and before I know it, the whiskey’s halfway gone. I lean back in the lounger and stare at the night sky. Everything’s clear. The tightness in my chest is gone. The vodka is carrying away the shit in my head. It’s carrying away Shannon. My eyes get heavy and sleep comes peacefully to me. Morning comes. I know this because the sun’s rising and the coolness fans my body. When I open my eyes, I get up and turn to see Hannah staring at me through the sliding glass door. She’s so fucking beautiful with her hair braided to the side, and she looks perfect in her casual outfit—shorts and a sleeveless shirt. Slowly, I get up and walk inside with the bottle in my hand, and I don’t miss the expression on her face when she sees me. “Are you okay?” I shrug. “Not sure.” I let out a breath and put the bottle down before walking into the

living room and sitting on the couch. Hannah sits with me and hands me a cup of hot coffee, silence surrounding us, keeping words at bay and questions on board. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need, let me know and we can do it together.” “That’s the thing,” I whisper. “I don’t know how you can help.” “By being here for you. I’m not leaving your side. Whatever’s on your mind, we can handle together.” “I had a dream about Shannon last night. She kept asking why, and I don’t remember much of anything else. It’s a blur.” “Have you recently dreamt of her?” “No, not really. I know you told me I shouldn’t feel guilty. Everyone tells me that. It’s easier said than done. The guilt I have isn’t because I blame myself for the accident. I blame myself for all the little things I missed. I didn’t love her the way I vowed I would. When she stormed out, I didn’t think about chasing after her. I thought she needed to cool off and would come home in a few hours.” I turn to look at her and gently touch her face. “Then she never came back. I almost didn’t make it to her funeral. Thankfully Lincoln and Cal got me and stayed by my side.” “They’re good guys.” “Yeah,” I say in agreement. “I want you to know I haven’t had any woman in my bed after she died. I’m always going to miss her. She was a huge part of my life. She was my wife.” I force the tears back with burning eyes and a tight throat. This burn is a distant memory. It’s not like the burn I freely welcome. “My heart holds her and our memories.” My voice trembles and Hannah’s fingers entwine with my own. “And that’s okay, babe. Shannon’s always going to be there with you.” When she places an open palm over my heart, I quickly take her hand, and grab my keys from the counter. We’re outside and in my car. Hannah doesn’t ask me where we’re going or what we’re doing. I run my fingers through my hair and let out a heavy breath. Once we’re where I need to be, I get out and run to her side, opening the door, and taking her hand again. We walk the stony trail, a familiar trail I remember from when I used to be here all the time. Standing in front of her grave, I look at Hannah then at Shannon. “This is where she’s buried,” I mumble. Hannah lets go of my hand, kneels down, and touches Shannon’s tombstone. Her fingers trace the etched wording, and I have to hold back everything I’m feeling—the sadness, the guilt, the anger.

“Hi, Shannon. I’m Hannah, and I want you to know you’re so missed. I hope you’re watching over everyone, especially Logan.” I listen to her talk to Shannon—so freely and openly. The burn in my eyes goes away and the soft wind brushes my body. The hairs on my arms rise and I look around. No one’s here besides us. “Talk to her.” Hannah interrupts my thoughts and gives me a kiss on my cheek before turning around and walking back to the car. I watch her, and when she’s out of sight, I turn to look at Shannon and tuck my hands in my pockets. “It’s been a while.” I cough and rub the back of my neck. “That’s Hannah, but you already know that. She’s the best, Shan. You’d like her a lot, and something tells me you’re okay with me moving on.” I pause slightly and kneel down to face her tombstone. “I’m moving on. I think I know why you came to me last night. It took me a while to move on because I was waiting for someone to come into my life and make it better. I’m going to be better. No more drinking to make myself numb. That’s why you asked me why, wasn’t it?” Silence. “I’m going to be better. I’m always going to love you, but it’s time that I let you go and give my whole heart to Hannah.” I get up from my knees and wipe the tears from my eyes. With a smile, I touch her tombstone once again and walk back to the woman who owns me. All of me.

Chapter 32

Logan

THE FOUR OF us are out celebrating Lincoln’s promotion at a bar. Cal’s meeting us later on, so we order a few bottles and relax in a private section of the bar. My girl’s looking fucking hot tonight, and I can’t take my hands off her. We’re dancing to most of the songs and when she needs a break, I’m massaging her since she thought wearing five inch heels would be a good idea. When I look at her, I see everything I need to see. Hannah Harris owns me. All of me. I press a kiss to her chin as she moves closer to me, arching her body into mine, and entangles her fingers through mine. “Are you sore?” I ask her. “I’m fine.” I lean down and kiss her cheek, inhaling her unique smell, and remembering tasting her and fucking her against my bedroom wall before coming out tonight. “Can you tell I’ve been inside you?” Her body shivers and I notice her thighs rubbing together. Thoughts of taking her home overwhelm me, and I want nothing more than to be inside her again. Taking her out tonight to celebrate Lincoln’s promotion damn near killed me. I’m greedy and don’t want to share her with everyone else. We’re good—really good. I want all of her attention and to keep her locked away from the world so we can enjoy the bubble we have around us. Knowing others are getting her attention pisses me off. She’s talking to Eden, and they’re drinking and laughing, and I love that my girl’s happy. But I want all her smiles and laughs. Us. Together. Alone. The night starts calm and low-key with the girls dancing in the booth and Lincoln and me laughing, but being fully aware of the assholes around our girls. Even though it’s Lincoln’s night, we’ve both stopped drinking so the girls can let loose and have fun. “It’s good seeing you happy.”

“Thanks,” I tell Lincoln. “You too, man.” “She’s the fucking best.” Before I can say anything, I hear Cal mutter “shit” and turn around to see Paige stomping in our area with a pissed-off expression on her face. She has her hands on her hips and her eyes directly on Hannah. “Whores don’t belong here!” she yells, and that grabs Hannah’s attention. She gets down faster than I can get up and tells Paige to get the fuck out. There’s no reason for her to act this way. They’ve been fine before, and now Paige wants to fucking pick a damn fight? “Excuse me? What did you say?” I’m up, ready go tell Paige to leave, when Eden pulls me back a little and tells me to stay out of it. “All because you have him now doesn’t mean he won’t come back for me. You’re nothing to him. You’re a distraction, sweetheart. Get that through your head.” “First of all,” Hannah shouts and moves a little closer to Paige, “you have no idea what you’re talking about. In case you haven’t noticed, Logan’s happy, and it’s because of me. Not you. Me.” Paige leans in closer and lowers her voice. “I look exactly like Shannon. Who do you think he wants more of?” My hands ball into fists and I feel Eden’s grip on my arm tighten. Lincoln’s soon by my side and Cal gets up to pull Paige away, but she yanks her arm back. “That’s right. I’ll always have something you’ll never have.” “Really?” Hannah laughs and shakes her finger in Paige’s face. “If you think that’s all you have against me—being Shannon’s twin sister, and letting him call you Shannon— then you need help. He doesn’t want you, Paige, and I’m sorry you had to hear about it this way. I knew we weren’t friends, but I thought we had an understanding. I didn’t come here tonight to get into a fight or flaunt my relationship. I honestly feel sorry for you and really wish you the best.” Paige steps back, stunned, and swings her gaze in my direction. I don’t say anything or move to comfort her. What her and I have is over, and Hannah’s right—she’s real and the only one for me. “After everything,” Paige cries, “everything we’ve been through, it comes to this.” “She’s right, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for treating you the way I did. You deserve more, Paige.” She nods. “I fucking do.” Before I can say anything else, Paige turns and leaves the bar with no one following her. I look at Cal and he shrugs, turning back to his fun for the night. Fuck.

Hannah comes over to me and wraps her arms around my waist. I’m breathing her in— her sweet scent—and holding her tight. “You didn’t deserve that baby,” I tell her, and hope she’s not too upset. “Go check on her, okay?” “Are you sure?” I whisper, and lean back a little so we’re gazing at one another. “Yeah. I don’t think she’s in the right mindset.” I kiss the tip of her nose and saunter out of the bar, searching for Paige. Her car’s still in the parking lot, so I know she’s still here. I walk around until I see her sitting under the tent next to the building. “Paige?” She looks up, sees me, and then stares straight ahead. I’m not sure what I can say to make things better or if there’s anything to say. We’ve been through a lot together, but the words don’t come out easily. “What you did in there…” “Yeah,” she mutters, “I know. I didn’t mean it and I’ll apologize later.” She stops talking and glances my way again. “You’re happy, Logan, and that’s all I want for you.” I trek the few feet over and sit next to her, placing my hand on hers. “You deserve to be happy, too. What happened with Cal?” “It was a thing then it wasn’t. He’s too hung up on Angela to give me the time. Hopefully I can find someone the way you found Hannah. I really am happy for you, and I don’t think she’s a whore or anything like that.” I nod. “I know.” We stay like this for a while, sitting next to each other, holding each other’s hand, and saying nothing at all.



WHEN HANNAH AND I get back to my house, we’re in bed and about to fall asleep when she slowly gets up and turns to face me. “How’s Paige doing?” When we went back inside, Paige apologized to Hannah and left the bar alone. She texted me a little after that and said she was home and okay. “I think she’ll be fine.” “I feel bad, babe. I know she’s hurting, and I hope she’ll find her way.”

“Wait.” I prop myself up on my forearm and use my other arm to reach out and hold her hand. “Don’t feel bad. Baby, it’s fine. Paige is a big girl.” “I know. Still feel bad though.” “She’ll be okay,” I reassure her. I close my eyes tightly and take in a deep breath. When I open my eyes, Hannah’s smiling at me, and she leans down to press her lips to mine.

Chapter 33

Hannah

“YES, MOM.” I laugh and shake my head to her incessant questioning about when we’ll be there. “We’re pulling in… now!” She screeches and Logan laughs. He parks behind my dad’s car and I quickly get out and run to my parents. “Hi!” I smile and hug them both. I turn around and see Logan a few feet away. “Mom, Dad, this is my boyfriend, Logan Davis.” They do the cute introduction and my mom hugs him, telling us how adorable he is and how lucky I am to have such a handsome man in my life. We’re spending a few days with my parents since Logan’s taking me to Hawaii for Thanksgiving. My parents are bummed that I won’t be in town, but I promised them we’ll be here for Christmas, even though Logan grumbled about wanting to take me away, so we compromised and we’re going to be spending New Years with Lincoln and Eden. While my parents are getting food ready for dinner, I give Logan a tour. We’re in my bedroom and he’s studying my pictures and yearbook from high school while he sits on the floor. I join him. “That was me on the debate team, and this one is me holding the trophy from our last debate.” “You were on the debate team?” He laughs and I swat his hard chest. “Don’t make fun of me!” “Aw, baby. You were a nerd.” I narrow my eyes at him and yank the yearbook out of his hands. He tries to get it back but I throw it to the other side of my bedroom. We play-fight on the floor, and I love seeing this side of him. After dinner, I excuse myself and venture inside Michael’s bedroom. Everything’s still

the same. Will always be the same. I gently scroll through the photos on his cell phone and, silently, I pray he’s okay. “Hey.” Logan wanders in, inspects Michael’s room, and sits down next to me. He looks at the cell phone and wraps his arm around my shoulders. “Is this your brother?” “Yeah.” I sniffle and wipe my tears. “I can’t believe it’s been two years since he left us. I don’t have my older brother anymore.” Logan doesn’t say anything. He gazes at the pictures with me and sometimes asks about one of them. Each story I tell him makes my heart full. I love talking about Michael and sharing his memories. “Do you know I never understood the reason why his girlfriend broke up with him.” I press the text-message icon on his home screen and open the text app. Logan reads the conversations with me. “Seems like she changed her mind or something if she didn’t answer him after he sent those text messages. Relationships end, and sometimes there’s never a real answer. I’m sorry about your brother.” “Thank you.” I go back to his photo album and show him a picture of Michael and Renee. Suddenly, the air in me stops moving and my eyes are ready to pop out of my head. Everything slows. Logan and I both stare hard at the picture before us. No. Holy shit! NO! “What the fuck?” Logan yanks the cell phone from my hand and looks at the picture, scrolling through to see more. His body stills, and I have no idea what’s going on. “Logan, I swear to God, I’ve never met her, and I never saw her picture until now. After Michael died, I didn’t snoop through his phone. Oh, my God, babe, please say something. I’m so sorry.” The whites of Logan’s knuckles become clear and his hands are shaking. When I touch his arm, he pulls away, drops the album, and leaps from the floor. “Logan?” “I can’t be here.” His voice trembles as he exits Michael’s room and rushes into mine. I quickly follow, asking him to talk to me and not shut down. This is so bad. What the fuck was my brother thinking? “Talk to me,” I beg him, touching his arm again and feeling the coldness when he whips around to level an icy stare at me. “L-Logan?”

“I need to leave.” “Wait, why? Talk to me!” I’m becoming frantic. I’m trying to think what happened from the time he came into the room and now. Things are good between us. Why are things changing? I wrap my arms around his waist and his body stiffens against mine. This isn’t good. He loves when I hold him. “Logan, please.” His hands pull apart my hold on him and he turns to face me. The darkness in his eyes are jagged pieces piercing through me. The tremble of his hands at his side and his intense walk scares me. Pain clenches my heart as my back slaps against the wall and he corners me in my room, slamming his hand into the wall where my head rests. “Renee is Shannon. Your brother was in love with my wife! The reason why he could never find her is because she fucking died. She died with our unborn baby! He caused the accident. Because of your brother, I fucking lost my wife and baby in one day. Don’t ever fucking talk to me again. Do you understand?” There’s an evil coldness in his voice I’ve never heard before. I have no idea what to say or do right now. “Logan, please calm down so we can talk about this. I had no idea Renee was Shannon. I never even met her! How is this my fault?” “All I know is I can’t be here. But I need you to stay the fuck away from me. You’re fired. I don’t ever want to see you again.” Before I can say anything, he rushes out of my room and I’m frozen in this very spot. I drop to the floor, my hands covering my face, and sobs wrack my body. He promised he wouldn’t break my heart. He promised he’d love me forever. He promised he’d never make me cry. Tears rip through my body, my chest is on fire, and everything around me blurs. “Hannah?” My mom pulls me into her body and rocks me like a baby. I can’t tell her what happened. All I can do is cry.

Chapter 34

Logan

HOURS TURN INTO days. Days turn into weeks. Everything’s a clusterfuck of shit I don’t want to deal with. I’m falling deeper into nothingness where I belong, and no one can save me. It’s been weeks since I’ve heard her voice and touched her body. Weeks and I still can’t fucking gather the courage to talk to her. I tell myself she’s better off without me and she’ll find someone who’ll make her happy. I fucked up and she won’t forgive me. My stalker tendencies become useful. I watch her every day since leaving her behind in Ohio. At first, it was the hardest thing to do. I watched her slowly climb down the steps of her apartment complex. She’s bundled in her jacket and boots. Her eyes don’t shine like before, and she’s on autopilot. Every morning, she jogs to Starbucks and then strolls back home, sipping her steaming coffee. The following week, she’s dressed for work, and I watch her get in her car and glance around, searching for the person who brushed the snow off her car. It’s November and snow has come early. I make sure every morning her car is brushed off, and I make sure she gets safely where she needs to be. Every day for a few moments in time, we’re back together, and everything’s the way it should be. My mind becomes absent and uncaring. During the day, I’m at work, doing what I know, and when I get home, I drown myself with whiskey and painkillers my doctor prescribed me when I punched a brick wall, fucking up my hand. Nothing matters. All I know is I can’t bring myself to talk to Hannah or anyone else. When I’m at work, I fucking miss her. I’m mostly out of the office, at offsite meetings, or working from home. I don’t want to risk running into her. She doesn’t try to talk to me if I am in the office, and I don’t try to talk to her. There’s been times I want to go into her office, and tell her how I feel. To tell her I’m sorry for everything. And have her in my

arms again. But I know that’ll never happen. Lincoln comes around without Eden, and tells me Hannah’s doing well. Her ex is in town for a conference and they had dinner together. I’m not sure if she’s taking him back, but she’s fine. Hannah’s perfectly fine. Without me. She deserves better than what I can give her. My stomach and chest clench with pain, remembering the last time we talked, and seeing the pain I caused her. The anger had erupted, and I’d used her as the target. I should’ve gone back and apologized. I should’ve begged her to forgive me. But I didn’t. I drove back home and emptied a bottle of whiskey, tearing apart my bedroom, stripping the sheets and pulling her clothes from my closet and dressers. I grabbed a fistful of her clothes and smelled her. I fucking wanted her back. But this was for the best. I had to leave her behind, leave behind what could’ve been, and forget the love we shared. I buried myself with work and became the heartless man I was when Shannon died. People were back to being afraid of me. No one wanted to be around me. A knock gets my attention, and I place my glass tumbler on the counter while getting up to answer the door. When I open it, my mother’s standing on the other side. She walks in without saying anything, and I follow her into the kitchen. “Whiskey? Logan, really?” she questions. I swipe the tumbler and finish my drink before pouring another glass. This is how I cope with the shit going around me. “What is it mother?” “I’m worried about you, Logan. This behavior is concerning, and your father and I are worried. You need help.” “I’m fine.” “No.” She takes my hand. “You’re not. I saw Hannah yesterday morning and she’s miserable. Sweetheart, you’re blaming her. How is that her fault?” “I don’t know.” I sigh and take another drink. “She was there and I put all my anger on her. What else was I supposed to do? Plus she shouldn’t be miserable. Her ex boyfriend’s back in town. She should be happy.” She places her hand on my shoulder. “Sweetheart, you’re assuming. She told me about their dinner and it was for closure. He’s dating someone as well and doesn’t have any plans with Hannah. You’re hurting and that’s understandable, but what’s going on isn’t healthy. Your father will be back from Japan in a few short days. You’ll have to answer to him about your foul attitude and what’s going on. We love Hannah, and it kills me to see

you like this. Why are you doing this to yourself?” I shrug again, not knowing how to answer her deep-seated question. “You have to forgive and let go. That’s the only way you’ll be able to move on. I think you need to see someone before you kill yourself.” I turn and notice the glimmer of tears in my mother’s eyes. Not only did I lose the love of my life, but I’m hurting the woman who only wants me to be happy. “I don’t know what else to do.” The rest of the night goes by without any more visitors or interruptions. I drink the rest of the bottle and close my eyes, willing myself to sleep, and forget about the pain growing in my heart.



IT’S MORNING WHEN I wake, and instead of going into the office, I grab another bottle of whiskey, pop two pills, and wash them down with the addicting burn of alcohol. The blackness comes too soon; I collapse on my bed once again. This is where I need to be. This is where I belong. Welcome back to purgatory, Logan. Welcome the fuck back. I’m in my living room when my father arrives for a visit. He’s been back for a few days but I haven’t been in the office. The expression of disappointment is plastered all over his face, and I don’t blame him. “Logan, sit, son. Sit down and let’s talk.” I nod and place the tumbler down. It seems as though whiskey and vodka are the only things that understand me. They don’t talk back and they give me everything I need. Each bottle has a name—Hannah. She’s the burn I miss. She’s the one who gives me meaning to my life. She’s the one. “I’ve entered you into a private rehab center out in California. You’re leaving today, and if you object, son, I’ll do the unthinkable and fire you from the company.” I don’t say anything. My mind races and my hands tremble from fear and anger. “I don’t need your help. I don’t need you or mom. I don’t need anyone.” My dad forces me to look at him and grips my shoulders. “I’m not going to lose my only son.” He cries and doesn’t stop talking. “You’re going to kill yourself and where will that leave your mother and me? Where would that leave Hannah?”

“Stop,” I mutter. “Don’t bring her into this. She’s fine. She’ll be fine without me.” “Get it together, Logan.” I whip my head to the side and see my mom covering her mouth with a shaky hand. She’s shaking her head and holding back the tears. I don’t miss the fear in her tone. “We’re taking you to that facility or so help me your father and I will cut you out of the inheritance. You’ll have nothing. Is that what you want?” “What do you want, son?” my dad asks. “To be a better man,” I mutter, refusing to look at my parents. “To be better for Hannah.” “Then do that. Be a better man.” I shake my head again and pull away from his grip. “Your mother has packed you a bag. I’m here to escort you to the plane’s tarmac, and we’ll do this together.” “Okay.” The fight inside me is gone. Here’s my father, in front of his adult son, and suddenly I’m not a man anymore. I’m a boy. A scared little boy, wandering the shadows, trying to be found, only to be lost in the depths of darkness where the music and magic have gone to die.



MY PARENTS WALK me into the rehab facility. I take this one moment to tip my head back and close my eyes, relishing in this moment of peace. When I drop my head forward, I take my phone out of my jean pocket and dial her number. Ring. Ring. “Hello? Logan?” “Hi.” She sighs and shuffling noises filter through the phone. It’s loud in the background. She’s playing music, and I try hard to capture the lyrics. “What song is that?” She clears her throat before answering. “‘Million Reasons’ by Lady Gaga.”

“I’m giving you a million reasons to let me go—and you should.” I slow my words and close my eyes. “But I’m going to show you that we belong together.” “How? Where are you?” I sigh before letting her know what’s going on. “This is what I need to do. After leaving your parents’ house, I went on a bender. I was in a different world and let the darkness take over. I need this trip, but before I can come back and fight for you, I need to be a better man, because that’s what you deserve.” Her sobs ring through the phone and it breaks my heart. “Don’t cry, baby. Please. I love you, and it’s your love that’s saving me.” “Can you do me a favor?” she asks, her voice small and timid. “Anything.” “Please fight to get better and come back to me. Come back to us.” Us. “Baby?” She sobs into the phone and I let her cry. “Yes, us. Logan. I’m pregnant. Our baby needs you. I need you.” My heart soars when she tells me this. “I’m gonna fight for you and our baby. I’m gonna come back to both of you a better man. I promise.” We’re quiet. I look toward my parents as they’re waiting for me. Both are smiling, and I know I should get off the phone soon to walk through the doors to my salvation. “I want you to get better, Logan. I miss you and I love you so much, but I’m hurt. I’m so hurt right now.” She wails and my own tears fall and run down my heated cheeks. “I know that. I know that I hurt you, and you don’t deserve this.” “No, I don’t,” she cries. “But I can’t let you go.” Her bawling gets louder and she struggles a little to breathe. “I told you I’d always be here and I mean it. We’ll be here waiting for you. Always.” “Forever. I love you so much, Hannah.” “I love you, too.” I disconnect the call and those four words reverberate through my bones and into my head. Before I step inside, another message comes in and it’s a picture from Hannah. It’s a sonogram of our baby. Our baby. I’m staring at the picture, touching our baby with my fingers, and wishing like hell this is going to save me. When I feel a hand on my shoulder, I text Hannah back and put my

phone away. They’re my strength to become the man they need. Me: You and our baby are everything to me. The both of you are my world. My heart. My soul. I’ll be back. I swear.



Chapter 35

Logan

DAY THIRTY. I sit with the open journal on my lap. I’m drinking coffee from a mug, sitting outside in the sun before therapy. The first week here was fucking hell. My body didn’t adjust well without the alcohol and painkillers. I threw up countless times and felt as though knives were repeatedly jamming into my body. The nightmares became real and fucked with me. I thought I saw Shannon everywhere I went. I refused to leave my room and stayed in bed. The hell I was in fucking hurt, but I knew it was for the best. I knew I’d never be safe out there until I got better. During therapy, I shut down. I wasn’t going to give the therapist the time of day. We sat in his office for an hour before he told me he’d see me the next day. This repeated over and over, but then I realized I wasn’t going anywhere ‘til I got my shit together. The deal I made with the director of the facility—and it’s in writing, too—was that I would not leave until I got better. Until it’s signed off by my therapist, the doctors, and the director that I’ll be okay on my own. And here we are. Thirty days later. Although I’m not an addict by any means, I’m an abuser. Not in the sense of hurting anyone, but hurting myself and using drugs and alcohol to cope with my pain, and making other’s lives around me miserable. “Logan.” I look at the nurse as she sits down and smiles at me. “How are you feeling?” “Pretty good.” And it’s the truth. “Good. Is there anything I can get you?” I shake my head and lift my coffee mug, letting her know I’m fine with what I have.

This rehab facility isn’t dingy or broken down. It’s comfortable and seems more of a resort than anything. There are doctors, nurses, support staff members, and therapists around the clock. I have my own private room and access to my family if needed. I haven’t spoken to anyone besides Lincoln. He’s filling me in about what’s going on, especially with Hannah. Eden’s taking her to the doctors and our baby is healthy. She’ll be thirteen weeks pregnant tomorrow and I hate myself for not being there. All I know is they’re my fight to win. In here, I’m safe. My urges have died, and now I’m learning how to cope with the loss of Shannon and our baby. I don’t care if she had an affair with Michael. As much as it sucks, I’ve come to understand her affair and the reasons why. Have I questioned whether the baby is mine? Yes. But that doesn’t matter. Regardless if the baby was mine or Michael’s, she was still pregnant, and I was going to love him or her with my whole heart. I still do. “I wanted you to know you have a visitor.” She smiles, but her gaze dips along the length of my body, as if she notices my stiffening and hesitation. “Don’t worry. It’s Lincoln. I’ll send him your way, if that’s what you want?” “That’s fine.” I get up when Lincoln comes through the doors, and we give each other a bro-like hug. When we sit down, he tells me some things going on back home and how happy Eden makes him. “I’m happy for you, man. Truly, I am.” “You look good. Not being weird or anything.” He laughs. “But you do, man. You look good. How are you feeling?” I tell him about what happened when I initially got here, and my defiance. Each day that passed I got better, once I pulled my head out of my ass and understood why I was here. “Now, I see my therapist for an hour every other day, help out in the kitchen, sit outside, and write to Hannah. How is she?” “She fucking misses you. Her morning sickness is pretty bad. She’s working from home most of the time and your parents are going over to watch her too.” “Can you see a little bump on her?” Lincoln smiles and takes out his phone. He hands it to me and when I look down, there’s a picture of Hannah, Eden and my mom. They’re pressing their hand on her small belly. She’s glowing. So beautiful. So perfect. “Thank you for everything, Lincoln.” He slaps me on the shoulder and leans in to see the picture with me. “You never have to thank me, man. Just remember this moment and remember how much I love the Patriots. Season tickets,” he whispers.

I shake my head. “You can afford it too.” “Yeah.” He shrugs. “Just better coming from you since you love Brady.” “Fucking asshole,” I mutter. I love any team that plays and beats the Patriots. My attention’s back on Hannah and our baby. I run my finger down her perfect face. I want so badly to buy her a ticket to come see me. Only I’m not ready for that. Everything is about taking time and baby steps. In order to heal, I have to slow down and not rush into anything. “Soon. I’ll see her soon.” I look out to the sun and pull out the picture I carry with me at all times. It’s my strength. My willingness to be a better man.



Hannah

WHEN I GET home, my mail is on the counter. Eden must’ve came home before heading to Lincoln’s. Before Logan called me, I was in a bad place. Everything hurt and I pushed everyone away. It was me and Ben & Jerry’s. Sometimes I’d get food from Five Guys. For the most part, I was in my pity-me stage—until he called, and then hearing his voice had made my heart leap into my throat. Tears erupted from me, and I wanted to see him more than anything. I wanted to hold him and be there. Austen brought me back on at work, and whenever I pass Logan’s office, my heart breaks a little more. Eden, Lincoln, and Cal are keeping me busy, so I’m thankful for them. I press my hand to my small belly and look down. “Hi Baby Davis. How are you today?” Silence. I sigh. “I can’t wait to feel you. Please keep growing and be healthy. Daddy needs you to be healthy and so do I. We love you so much, Baby Davis. You’re our dream come true.” Looking through the mail, an envelope without a return address catches my attention. I slide my finger under the flap to open the envelope and take out the letter. I slap my hand over my mouth, and I can swear my heart breaks some more inside my chest.

My dearest Hannah, There will never be enough words to write so you can understand what’s going on with me or what happened. It’s been thirty days since I last heard your voice. And in those thirty days, I realize how strong I am. But I’m stronger with you and our baby. Being here has made me realize you’re not to blame, and I have more demons to fight than what I thought. The depths of my depression are more than I can handle by myself. I’m not the best with words, so I’ll just write it down now and hope you understand. I won’t be leaving rehab in the thirty days I thought I’d have to spend here. This is where I need to be right now, and I hope you understand. At this time, I won’t be accepting visitors. As much as I want to see you, feel your stomach, and talk to our baby, I know that I’m not ready. I wanted to write you this letter in hopes you’ll forgive me and still love me, because I love you with my whole heart. When I leave in the next few months, I hope to find you waiting for me. It’s a selfish thing to ask, and I know this, but I’m a selfish man, and even rehab can’t fix that. I love you, Hannah Harris, and I’ll love you until my last breath. You’re the best part of me. When we’re together, I’m breathing you in, breathing in the life you’re giving me. It’s you and it will always be you. You and our baby complete me. I’m whole knowing that the both of you are there. Please forgive me and let me love you completely. Let me give you all of me. If this is what you want, then you’ve made me the happiest man in the world. Just know I think about you all the time, and there’s never a day that passes that I don’t realize how lucky I am to have you. You’re my light. My life. My everything. I love you, Logan I read the letter over and over, internalizing his words, imagining him sitting on his bed, in his room in rehab, and feeling what he’s feeling. Completely. Madly. Truly. Forever. “I’ll be here, waiting for you. Always.”

Chapter 36

Logan

TODAY’S HARDER THAN the other days. “Deep breaths, Logan.” I turn my head and see my therapist for today—Ann. “There you go. Now I want you to close your eyes and listen to the sound of my voice.” I do as she says and slowly breathe in through my nose, hold it for five seconds, and slowly let the breath out through my lips. When I open my eyes, Ann is smiling at me and waiting for me to say something. For some reason, I’m comfortable with my new therapist. I’m not sure when or why I have a session with her, and I don’t question it. She’s a younger woman with dark hair, tied in a tight bun, and her black, rimmed glasses rest on her nose. She’s soft spoken, and for the past thirty minutes, she has calmed me down immensely. “Are you drinking your recommended amount of water? Eight full glasses?” I nod. “Yes. I know it flushes out the toxins and refreshes my body. I even have Nurse Heather put strawberries and lemon in my water. She’ll do anything for me.” “Seems like you’re the ladies’ man, Logan.” I shrug. “Not anymore. My girl back home is waiting for me. She has been my rock since the beginning. And now we’re expecting a baby. They’re my reason to push myself.” “Tell me more about her.” I tell Ann the story of Hannah and me—how we met, how we fought, how I pushed her away, how she pushed me back, and our love. I tell her everything, and for the first time in weeks I can do it without crying. “Why do you think you still need to be here? To me, you seem healthy and happy.” I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck and taking in a few calming breaths. “It’s bad at night. The monster inside me rears its ugly head, telling me to leave and find the closest bar, and drink away everything I love. I swear the voice is fucking with me. I’m the reason

why my wife is dead, and the reason why her twin sister had to move out of her hometown to start over.” Paige and I never said bye to one another. Last week, she sent me a letter explaining how it’s time for her to move on and live her life without me—that being in the same town as me is too hard and, one day, she’ll come back and we’ll be friends again. “In the letter, Paige asked me to be happy and open myself up to Hannah. And I have. In almost every way. I can’t tell her how hard it’s getting. I don’t want to cause her any stress. She may be out of the danger zone, but I don’t wanna risk anything happening to her and our baby.” “That’s okay,” Ann says with a gentle tone. It seems familiar and I push that thought away. “You’re going to go through so many bumps. I think the demons and guilt you carry inside you are your own doing.” “What do you mean?” “I mean, bad things happen, and it’s not your fault. You didn’t cause the death of your wife, and the reason why Paige left. You can’t control what others do. Is that something you can understand?” I swallow the lump in my throat and hang my head. “I’m trying.” “Good. Keep trying. We’ll do this again tomorrow. For now, rest, and remember to breathe.” For the first time, the monster doesn’t come out when I lay down and close my eyes. Instead of the monster, I see Hannah. Sweet and beautiful Hannah. The next day, I go to my session and think I’ll see Scott, my therapist, but instead, Ann’s back and we go right into the session. “Tell me more about Hannah and how she makes you happy.” “There’s this light about her. When I fought the desire and need for her, it killed me. Then I gave in and immediately felt guilty.” “Why’s that?” she curiously asks. “Because of Shannon.” “I need you to sit back and think. Would Shannon want you to be like this?” “No,” I truthfully answer. “No, and I realize that now since I let Hannah all the way in. But, hell, seeing Shannon with Hannah’s brother, Michael, and knowing he was the last person Shannon texted, and then Michael died because of Shannon. Fuck. It kills me. I’m not upset anymore. I get why she did it, and I only hope she’s happy in heaven and she’s at peace.” “Maybe not.” “What?”

“Maybe she’s waiting for you to be better. Fight for that, Logan. You don’t need to be here anymore.” I look at Ann and shake my head. “I didn’t see any monsters. All I see is Hannah and our baby.” “I think you have your answer. The longer you stay here, the more you’re hurting her. It’s true that she’s waiting, but how long do you want her to wait for you?” “I know.” “For the first time in two years, you’re finally happy. That’s telling you something. Hold onto that forever because you won’t find a love like Hannah’s again. You’re worthy of love and everything good in your life. Everything will be okay, Logan. I know it.” I leave the office feeling a renewed sense of healing and motivation to put more effort into getting better. I go through the day, interacting with other patients and settling in the game room in an intense game of Madden. When I head back toward my room, I see Scott walking by and stop him in the hall. “Hey. Thanks for making sure I had a great therapist. Ann’s been nothing but helpful.” “Ann?” Scott asks confused. “Who are you talking about?” “Ann. Your replacement. I’ve been seeing her these past few days in the office.” “Logan, are you all right?” “Yeah,” I answer, a touch irritated. “I’m not fucking high or drunk, if that’s what you’re asking.” “Not at all. You haven’t had therapy in two days, so I’m a little lost, and there’s no Ann who works here. Are you sure you’re okay?” What the fuck’s going on? “I’m not going crazy, Scott.” He looks at me and nods. “Go get some rest. I think you’re feeling a little overwhelmed and that’s normal. We’ll talk in the morning.” “Yeah.” I head back to my room and sit down, remembering Ann’s face and the way she talked. Ann. Ann. Ann. Then it hits me. It fucking hits me like I’ve never been hit before. “Shannon.” I whisper and close my eyes. “Shannon.” The name Ann means so much to her. It was her grandmother’s name, and she always said if we have a daughter, we’re naming her after her grandmother.

Ann. Ann. Ann. “Thank you, Shannon,” I whisper into the night, and flop over onto my back to stare into the darkness and contemplate my future.

Chapter 37

Hannah Dear Logan, Day 42 We’ve been apart this long, and every night I pray to whoever’s listening that you’re okay and healing. When I close my eyes at night, I dream of you, and of our life together. I dream about the possibilities and wake up smiling. Baby Davis is doing so well. I’m keeping up with my doctor appointments and can’t wait until you’re with us. I did hear Baby Davis’ heartbeat. It’s so strong. You need to get better and come back home. To us. Work has been busy. This week was brutal. I worked fourteen-hour days to revise the contract for Goosten & Marks. They’re great, potential clients, yet they need to see our vision, so I drew it up and we’ve been on and off again meeting. Tomorrow, I fly out to Chicago with your dad, Leslie, and John to meet with the clients. Your dad has a great feeling about this, and I’ll admit that I do, too. Please don’t be mad that I’m working so much. This is a good thing. I promise you that my doctor is okay with this and I know my limits. Lincoln bought Eden an engagement ring. It’s so beautiful! We went to pick it out together because he wanted me there since I’m her best friend and know her inside and out. We were at the jeweler’s for over three hours. God, and I thought women were bad at shopping. Nope. Pretty sure Lincoln has them all beat. He’s waiting to propose to her so you can be here and watch it all happen. I’m glad he’s waiting, because he’s your best friend, and I know you’d love to be there for him, too. As much as I miss you and I’m hurt you’re not accepting visitors, I get it. I truly get it. This is your journey of healing. I wish I could be there for you to help you and support you. Are you feeling better? What else is going on? I want so badly to hear your voice. I want so badly to feel you next to me. This sucks, but I won’t be selfish. One day you’ll be mine forever. Until then,

please continue healing and come back to me. We love you forever, Hannah and Baby Davis



Logan Baby, Baby Davis-I like that a lot. Please don’t overdo anything. I’m upset you’re working so hard. I get it though, but please listen to your body and slow down if you need to. I love reading your letters. It makes me feel like we’re together, even though thousands of miles separate us. But soon, I’ll be back, and I’ll be able to give myself to you. All of me. For you. And only you. Therapy was a little hard today. We talked about our relationship and if I viewed you as Shannon. Don’t worry. I don’t. Lately, I’ve realized the hurt and pain I held onto, and the reason why I couldn’t move on is because I’m terrified to feel that way again. My heart fucking hurts thinking about all the what ifs. It scares me to be with you forever —not because of you or us, but because I worry that one day, I’m going to lose you. I know it sounds stupid. Death is part of life. But what if you’re taken from me too soon? How the fuck would I cope with that again? I always want you to be safe. Always. And once I’m out of here, I’m going to cherish you, every part of you, and make you see how much I love you. Because we’re forever. My heart is yours and I don’t want it back. Forever yours, Logan

Chapter 38

Hannah

SIX MONTHS PASS since he first went to rehab and today’s the day Logan comes home for good. I’m due in about eight weeks and as much as it makes me sad he didn’t experience my pregnancy with me, I know that he couldn’t. It’s now spring and the weather has been so nice and warm these past few weeks. When I tip my head back, I feel the sun blazing on my skin, and I hold my breath, thinking back to the letter he last sent me. Hannah, I can’t thank you enough for staying by my side these past six months. You and Baby Davis give me the strength to see the finish line of my recovery. It kills me that we haven’t seen each other, but I know it’s for the best. I’m getting stronger here. My therapist is happy with my progress, and so am I. The dreams aren’t nightmares, and when I think about Shannon, I don’t feel the tightness in my chest anymore. Instead, I smile, because she gave me those chapters of my life I’ll never regret. You’re my middle chapters until the end. My love for you continually grows, and I can’t wait to leave and feel you against me. I can’t wait to sink myself inside your warmth and hear you whisper my name. You’re the most amazing and strongest woman I know. Thank you, Hannah. Thank you so much for everything. I’ll see you soon. I love you, Logan “Hey beautiful.” A voice sounds behind me. A voice I’ve missed so much. I whirl around and leap into the arms of the man who owns me, mind, body, and soul. I throw my arms around his neck and his arms tighten around me. This is where I belong.

With Logan. Forever. We spend a few days in California—exploring each other again and cherishing our love. We’re on day three of being in the hotel room and neither of us want to move from the bed. Logan talks to my belly every chance he gets and he kisses it. At my last appointment they made a DVD with Baby Davis’ heartbeat and when I played it for Logan, he started crying. We both cried together. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and it’s because of Logan. He tells me about his time in rehab, and even though there are moments of darkness, he’s strong enough to fight through it, and with me next to him, we will completely snuff out the darkness. “I want to marry you, Hannah Harris. What do you think? Hannah Davis. Hmmm.” I lean down and press my lips against his. “I like that.” “I’m going to propose to you, baby.” I nearly choke and push on his chest. He’s joking. Right? We’re naked. In bed. And he wants to propose? The topic of marriage hasn’t been brought up before now. I know we love each other and we’re made for one another. Marriage, though? It’s too fast. It’s too soon. Right? My heart beats wildly in my chest as I peruse the intoxicating smile on Logan’s face. It mirrors my smile. “Romance and me don’t go hand in hand like they should. We should be in Paris, in front of the Eifel Tower as I get down on one knee and ask you to be my wife. You know, we can be in Paris tomorrow. Or anywhere in the world. I owe you some trips.” “You don’t owe me anything,” I quickly insist. “All I need is you, forever and always.” “I love you so much, Hannah. Without you, I wouldn’t have made it through rehab or my demons. You pulled me out of the darkness, and you’ve made me a better man. You’re the most beautiful, kind, sweet, sexy, and amazing woman I’ve met, and you mean so much to me. There are no words to express my love for you, but I promise, every day, I’ll show you how much I love you and how much you and Baby Davis mean to me. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? My lifelong partner? My penguin? My everything?” I squeal and cover my face, quickly nodding. He takes my left hand and slides a heavy, cold ring over my finger. My pulse is about to explode in my chest. When I get the nerve up to look down at my hand, my breath is stolen as the beautiful solitaire ring rests on my finger. I hold my hand up and stare, unblinking. Holy fuck the diamond’s huge. It glitters in the dim light of the room. “Say yes.”

“Yes. Yes. Yes!” Logan pulls me into his arms and presses his forehead against mine. “Because of you, Hannah. All of you. I’m breathing you in.”

Dear Reader, I know you’re most likely freaking out because you want MORE. I get it. Are you still with me? I’m not ready to let Logan, Hannah, Eden, and Lincoln go so for next year I’ll be releasing… Breathing Us In! Yes you heard that right! You WILL get more and you WILL get all the tingling feelings and you MIGHT cry. Maybe. Hehe. More to come so be sure to stick around and see what I come up with. *wink wink*

Please be sure to sign up below for my newsletter! You’ll receive monthly exclusive news, giveaways, sneak peeks and many more! Your information will not be shared. http://eepurl.com/2Gm5b

Just a little something more… Reading reviews is one of my favorite things to do! I love reading your thoughts! Please be sure to leave your review on the retailer’s site you purchased Breathing You In from. Your constructive reviews truly help me grow. In case you didn’t know, CA Harms and I are co-writing a series together. Each book will be a standalone, but the stories will interconnect. The first is Drew and Reagan’s story, Why I’m Yours. We’re planning an October 10, 2017 release. Be sure to check it out on Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35896466-why-i-m-yours Thank you so much for letting my words into your mind and heart. XOXOXOXO S. Moose

Acknowledgements

EACH BOOK I write and release is because of your support and constant encouragement. You, the fabulous reader, are amazing. Thank you for sticking by my side. Thank you for finding a new author and giving me a chance. Just, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU. To my husband, Kevin – You are my rock. My best friend. My love. Thank you for always supporting me and not making fun of me when it’s been a few days since I’ve showered. You’re an incredible husband, and father to our son and furbaby. With you, I can accomplish everything and it’s because of the strength you give me. I love you. To my PA, Lexi – Thank you for keeping me grounded and working your butt off to make sure I remember what I need to do and where I need to be. You’re not only my PA, but a friend, my very good friend I can truly depend on. Thank you for everything! To my team – BETAs: Kaylee, Christine, Stacy, Stefanie, Franci, and Maureen. Proofreader: Virginia. Editor: Josie. Formatter: Jill. THANK YOU LADIES for taking the time to help me shape and bring to life Logan and Hannah’s story. I love your thoughts. I love your suggestions. You all helped me so much and I can’t put into enough words how much I appreciate each of you. To the bloggers, ARC readers, my review team – Thank you for your hard work and endless support. It means so much to me that you’re around. To my author friends – I love our talks. I love how we support one another and we can send each other ridiculous GIFs and laugh our butts off. You’re all so sweet and I love you to death! To my Lucas – You’re my wish come true. Mommy loves you so much. I cherish each day you’re in my life. Your smile brightens my days and I love watching you grow up. Having you in our life is an adventure. Thank you for picking me to be your mommy and for giving me the love and power to be the best mommy in the world. I love you so much.

About the Author

S. MOOSE is a New York Times and USA Today Bestselling author of new adult romance. She writes emotional and romantic stories that will make you swoon, cry, yell, laugh, and love. She is living her own happily ever after with a man who loves her with his whole heart. She is a proud mother to their beautiful son, and adorable puppy. When she is not writing you can find her hanging out with her family, and friends, getting lost in romantic books, and indulging on Starbuck lattes. To keep up with the latest from S. Moose be sure to visit her social media sites: Facebook Twitter Instagram