Christmas Story Sequel - Doctor Who (The Key to Time)

The Key to Time
(Incoming transmission from the Doctor)
The Doctor: Hello, hello! TARDIS calling! This is the Doctor! Are you receiving me?
Davina: TARDIS…? Wait, that's…
Hello, Doctor! That is your name, isn't it…? Ah, never mind. I'm Davina J. Valerio, cyborg extraordinaire and Console Patron Unit of Lastation, Black Heart! Nice to meet you!
The Doctor: Good! Now, we need to make this quick because A, the safety of the entire universe depends on what we're about to do and B, I've got a very short attention span. So, if you're ready to help me save the world I'll-- Hold on, Bill's giving me the look. Hostility setting: mild.
So, I'm guessing it's something trivial like I'm being rude. Forgetting to take an interest in you or find out who you are. Like I would ever forget to ask you your-- What's your name?
Davina: Pudding brain… my name is Davina Jannine Angkahan-Valerio. Call me Dee-jae for short. Or Davina, if you so wish.
The Doctor: Davina, eh? Davina. DAVINA!
Sorry, I suspect I'm going to be shouting that a lot. Wanted to practice. Anyway, you can call me the Doctor. Or just Doctor. Well not "Just Doctor", just... Doctor without the just.
Davina: Or "Get out of here"? Even though that's not a name? I'm kidding.
The Doctor: Good. Good.
And so you're aware of the conditions I'm operating under, Nardole is now giving me the look. Because strictly speaking, I should be on Earth. Defending the planet. But I've got a whole universe to save! So let's get on with the important bit.
(A purple cube shows up)
The Doctor: This is the Key to Time. I know, it doesn't look anything like a key. The Key to Time keeps the universe stable and running smoothly… ish.
The Key's been split into six segments that are disguised and hidden throughout all of time and space. Every few hundred years, someone has to collect the segments and reassemble the key to restore the balance of the universe. That someone… is me.
(the TARDIS appears in the Hub. Out steps a sharply-dressed old man with attack eyebrows!)
The Doctor: And I fancy livening up the search a bit… so how do you feel about doing the quest with me?
(Davina blinks for a few moments, before…)
Davina: Sounds like saving the multiverse at the same time… an awesome, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! (thinking) Kara's gonna be so jealous when she finds out about this…
(Davina steps inside the TARDIS, but the pair stop a few steps in.)
The Doctor: Wait, sorry, I completely forgot to mention something.
You don't need to save the whole Universe at once. No! That would be quite unreasonable of me. Instead, I'll reach out to you when I need you, and we'll save the Universe a bit at a time. Is it all right if I send you a notification when I need your help?
Davina: Sure, go right ahead – send it through my communicator, whenever possible. (Hands The Doctor a communicator) I'm gonna be a bit busy saving the multiverse in itself, so you'll have to deal with my tardiness from time to time.
The Doctor: Excellent! You'll hear from me again. And I promise, I'll only notify you when I desperately need your help. Or if I'm bored. But if you've got planets of your own to save – or in your case, a multiverse – and need a breather, just let me know.
Don't worry! If you then want to come back on board this mad adventure, drop me a line and you'll be back in the game.
Davina: Sounds like a fair deal... I'm all for it. Glad to know you know my struggles with this new life of mine.
The Doctor: So I've got this thing called a Tracer. It does what it says on the tin. It tells me that the first segment is hidden on or around one of the planets in your little Solar System. But don't worry, if we get through this, I'm sure we'll be going somewhere far more exciting.
Have you ever been to the Fifth Galaxy, Davina?
Davina: [smiles] I have, actually. (thinking) I'm clearly lying through my teeth. I haven't… but I just wanted to see how he reacts.
The Doctor: [incredulous] You-- how? Either you're having me on or you have a TARDIS of your own. I don't know which thought's more upsetting.
Bill's giving me the look again. I'll get on with it!
I'm going to ask you a few things. Make sure you know your own manor. Question: I'm named after the Roman messenger to the Gods. What planet am I?
Davina: Mercury.
The Doctor: Well done! Mercury is the correct answer.
Now, do you suppose the first fragment of the Key to Time is on Mercury?
Davina: No way. Too close to the sun - too hot for anything to be stored there; you'd have to be a complete and utter pudding brain to store something there.
The Doctor: Exactly! So let's consider another planet.
Question: It's got the same name as a statue - and I sometimes have an issue with statues - but this one is low on arms, high on charms. Renoir called her a big policeman but I'm rather fond of her. What planet is it?
Davina: Venus de Milo is the statue; Venus is your planet.
The Doctor: Two for two! Venus is right!
But the first segment of the Key to Time isn't there either. You wouldn't want to hide something of value in that furnace. No, the fragment would be on a planet that's calm and cold.
Can you think of any planets in your Solar System that fit the bill?
Davina: A planet that's calm and cold… it's got the same name as my friend Charlotte's cosplay, and that character is anything but calm and cold. In fact, she's rather hyper and friendly… I'm going for Neptune.
The Doctor: That's the fella! Who said you were all pudding brains anyway?
Davina: Says the man who branded Earth, (imitating The Doctor) 'Planet of the Pudding Brains.'
The Doctor: Ah… yes. According to Bill – and you – I do. All the time. Well, let's not get bogged down in details.
Neptune. The segment is apparently in the vicinity of Neptune. Not actually on the planet. You know why that is, of course... don't you? Come on!
Davina: I'm pretty doubtful Neptune has any solid landmasses on the planet's surface, unlike Earth.
The Doctor: Good work!
But Triton, its largest moon, is far more foot-compatible. So we're going there. Actually… I don't suppose you'd be interested in flying the TARDIS, would you?
(Davina's face blanches.)
Davina: Wha... me?! Fly… the TARDIS?! Um... sure... I guess... (Thinking to herself) Crap, he must be figuring me out on the Fifth Galaxy thing…!
The Doctor: Good. It's easy. Well, normally it is. See, I ask because we have a problem. Someone - some force - is trying to divert the TARDIS' flightpath. Luckily, I came top of the class in jiggery-pokery and I've been able to rig a bypass. But it means I need you to enter a series of correct numbers, or we could end up several billion years off course. Forever.
No pressure, then.
Davina: No pressure, you say…
The Doctor: All right, brace yourself.
I'll type in the coordinates for Triton one at a time. For the first number I type, you add one, then enter that number. For the second, add two, and so on. Okay, shall we begin?
Davina: [nods, heads to the other side of the TARDIS' panel] Alright - let's dance!
The Doctor: Good. Well, here goes... 5.
Davina: Add one... 6.
The Doctor: 3.
Davina: Add two... 5.
The Doctor: Good. Steady now… 8.
Davina: Add three… 11.
The Doctor: Last one: 847.
Davina: (thinking) What?! You decide to throw that number at me now, of all times?! Stay calm, Deej, you got this. Panicking will get you nowhere but trouble. Just add four…
(out loud) 851.
The Doctor: And we're moving! You should see Bill's face! She never gets bored of this. How could you? Thanks to you, Davina, we're hurtling through the universe and heading to Triton!
(Davina sighs.)
Davina: (thinking) Honestly, I might be having a heart attack from doing this with The Doctor than having to create Social Links… Viggo and Bernan are already a handful for me already…
The Doctor: Just slipping out of the time/space vortex and… yes! Here we are on Triton. Glad we're not much closer to Neptune than this. Had a spot of bother in Neptune's orbit not too long ago.
Davina: How so?
The Doctor: Now, Triton is really very cold and very dark so Bill and Nardole will hold the fort in the TARDIS and I'll head out there by myself. On a buggy!
Davina: (thinking) Sure, ignore the cyborg who almost ended up having a heart attack with – wait, what about a buggy?
The Doctor: Don't worry, I've got a video feed so you'll be able to see what I can see. And, basically, you Davina, are about to drive out onto the surface of Triton! Hang on, now here's the tricky bit.
Yes, another one. You'll find that when you're with me, life becomes an endless series of tricky bits!
Davina: That's what I get with traveling with you? I thought I'd be getting some sort of travel bag. (chuckles nervously; thinking) As if my life hasn't already been an endless series of tricky bits in itself…
The Doctor: The buggy doesn't have a steering wheel! Used to. But I had to salvage it to make a crown for a Frog Princess. So... you're going to have to do the driving for me!
Davina: [forced smile] Oh... great... (thinking) This guy really is a pudding brain!
The Doctor: It's simple. Just press the buttons and don't steer me into anything deadly. Or boring. I mean, if you have to choose one or the other, go for deadly, but please - try to avoid anything boring.
Davina: Right... not-boring trip it is! Not-boring… I can do that.
The Doctor: I'm climbing into the buggy and I'm driving out of the TARDIS. Hold on!
And here we are! If the segment is anywhere, it's in this ravine. But... I'm hearing this awful sound. Can you hear it?
Davina: Um… I'm inside something that's smaller on the outside. How can I hear… whatever you're hearing?
The Doctor: What am I saying? No, of course you can't. You're in the TARDIS. Anyway, there's no record of anyone or anything living on Triton but that noise... We're going to have to be quick!
Let's call the direction to my left "North", and to my right, "Phillip". I'm kidding. It's "South". The choice is yours.
(Davina looks around for a moment, and presses the button to the left. The buggy advances North.)
The Doctor: That interference seems to be picking up a bit as we head North.
Davina: [raises an eyebrow] Is interference good?
The Doctor: Much as I enjoy our chats, let's stick to the buttons for now.
(Davina sighs.)
Davina: Fine. (thinking) So much for a conversation outside of space. [presses the left button again]
(The buggy advances North once more.)
The Doctor: Definitely sensing the interference in my space sui-OWW! Sorry, I nearly fell out! I'm holding onto the sides! With one hand, so I can type to you with the other! How anyone can drive like this is beyond me.
(Davina laughs; all the while, she presses the left button once more. The buggy trundles northbound, now with the video-feed now starting to fizzle)
The Doctor: Yes, yes, Emergency Mode. I don't think we need you now. Even though those two words pretty much sum up my life...
Davina: Doctor, what's going on out there?
(The feed worsens.)
The Doctor: Oh, please don't...
Davina: Doctor! What's happening?!
(The feed worsens even further.)
The Doctor: This... this is going to hurt.
Davina: DOCTOR!
(Static. Davina has her hands on the panel, sighing.)
Davina: Dammit. I don't believe it. I followed his words to the T, and brought him someplace not-boring… look where it got him. I should have remembered rule one of the Doctor Who rulebook: "The Doctor lies." I should have just gone south… it might have been safe, but the Key fragment would have been there. He just manages to lure these companions to go on fantastical adventures – granted, they are thrilling – but he comes up with clever lies, always… that pudding brai—
(A picture shows on the screen again. Flashing 'Emergency Mode', Davina looks up, and inspects the picture of a purple fragment.)
Davina: Wait… is that…?
The Doctor: Good old Emergency Mode! The defense protocol has revealed the segment and isn't it a thing of beauty? Well done for finding it!
(Davina smiles and scoffs.)
Davina: You know, Doctor; I have every right to call you a pudding brain at this point – you had me worried sick! I can't believe I thought you—
(Thunk.)
The Doctor: The buggy's stuck in something... And that something's burning through the tyres! Time to abandon buggy!
Davina: Oh, crap! Yeah, by the sounds of that, abandon buggy indeed!
(sounds of an ejector seat deployed)
The Doctor: Oh, dear... the Tracer fell into it when I was ejected. Now that's gone too.
Now it's burning through the chassis! This'll be another of those tricky bits we talked about! We've got one chance! My vortex manipulator might just be able to teleport me back to the TARDIS. But the interference from the fragment of the Key to Time could... well, fragment me.
Just promise me this, Davina: If I do wind up in tiny pieces, don't feel too guilty. I mean, by all means feel moderately guilty. No need to be too stoic about it. Anyway, here goes. Wish me luck!
(Davina grins.)
Davina: …Best of luck, Doctor, you pudding brain!
The Doctor: Teleporting now. See you on the other side, Davina. I hope!
(Sounds of teleportation are heard. Davina looks over at the panel, this time with a look of hope on her face.)
Davina: C'mon, Doctor… do not be a total pudding brain.
(The Doctor sneaks up behind Davina slowly, before…)
The Doctor: I'm here!
Davina: Gaaaah! [puts her hand on her chest] Geez! Welcome back, Doctor, but could you have done it in a way that doesn't… oh, I don't know – scare me half-to-death?
The Doctor: (ruffles Davina's hair) I'm in one piece! Internal organs intact and eyebrows still magnificent! And look, the gem has transformed into the first segment!
Davina: It's beautiful... but incomplete.
The Doctor: I want to say thank you, Davina. You were brilliant. It was all due to my influence, of course. You mustn't take any of the credit.
Davina: [grimaces] Oh, like a Time Lord is taking credit from the CPU/cyborg herself? Honestly, Doctor, your going around history – zip, zip, zip, zip, zip – and getting into scrapes is starting to kill me. At one point, I seriously thought you died! I've already had to deal with other peoples' deaths already, mine included… and even having to deal with Viggo's short stint with death is worse enough… I needn't deal with a Time Lord's, let alone the last of the Time Lords', death. [crosses her arms indignantly]
The Doctor: I'm joking! You're giving me the same look Bill gives me whenever I pull her leg! We did it! YOU did it!
Davina: [smiles and sighs] Yeah… at least we did it. Just… don't scare me like that again. I'm dealing with a lot of baggage, you know.
The Doctor: You know, bumps and scrapes aside, I'd say you and I are becoming quite a good... wait a moment.
I don't suppose Bill and Nardole are there with you, are they? Standing behind you? In the next room? Because, Davina... they're not in the TARDIS!
Davina: What?!
The Doctor: The interference might have transported them to you! Just checking readings... And no, that's not what happened. I'll track their artron energy now...
(The TARDIS lands back in the Hub)
The Doctor: Not far off actually. A faint trail leads back to Earth. And I suspect they're in terrible danger. I've got to go! I'm going to head back to your planet to look for them! This isn't over, Davina. I'll be in touch!
Davina: [nods] Got it. Just remember, Doctor… just run. Run, you clever boy. And remember me.
(Davina exits the TARDIS. She heads over to the computer, displaying a notification)
Davina: A message?
(She clicks on the message.)
Voice: Hello, Davina. Remember, remember the fifth of... ah, I think that's plenty. Don't want to give the game away. See you soon.
(Davina's eyes widen. She remembers the poem all too well)
Davina: Oh, no…