The Wedding List - Autumn Macarthur

The Wedding List Love in Store Book 1

Autumn Macarthur

There is no fear in love; Perfect love casts out fear... 1 John 4:18

FREE ebook for newsletter subscribers! Would you like to get a FREE ebook, as well as be the first to know when my new books are published? Sign up for my newsletter here, or at any page on my website www.autumnmacarthur.com ! Subscribers have access to exclusive subscriber only contests, and book news. Emails will arrive no more than once a week, your email address will never be shared, and you can unsubscribe at any time. This ebook, Least Expected, a Love in Store novella, featuring a 50-something hero and heroine falling in love, is FREE for subscribers only. Subscribe now and get the download link as soon as you confirm your email address!

About the book A sweet and gentle slow-paced inspirational romance, to relax and unwind with.... You never forget your first love... With her eye for design and her cut-glass accent, no-one would guess Beth Forrest's impoverished background. It's all throw pillows, china patterns, and upper class brides as she manages the Wedding Registry at Pettett & Mayfield, the stately maiden aunt of London department stores. It's not quite her dream job, but each bride she helps to select beautiful and oh-soexpensive items for their gift list brings her one step closer to buying a little home of her own, and financing the education she longs for. When physics professor James Tetherton-Hart, brilliant in his research lab but awkward and disorganised in everyday life, comes to the store in desperate need of both a gift and a partner for a wedding that evening and recognises her, all her careful plans and meticulous checklists are turned upside down. Now her first love is back, determined to make her his partner for life, not just the evening. But unless Beth can let go of past hurt and the mistaken beliefs that separated them last time, and learn to appreciate the depth and breadth of God's love for us all, her only gift from the wedding will be another heartbreak. Book 1 in the Love in Store series of sweet inspirational romances. The series is set around a stately old London department store, and the same settings and staff pop up in each book. But there's no need to read in order. Every story is a complete romance, following a different couple through the trials and joys

4

Autumn Macarthur

of a developing love, deepening their faith in the process, until they're ready for the happy-ever-after God has planned for them. The Wedding List is a Christian romance. Includes Halloween costumes, kissing, and a hint of gentle slapstick humour, as well as British spelling. Complete with British English Glossary. 37,000 words 162 paperback pages.

Chapter 1 Most days, Beth Forrest loved her job. After wearing a scratchy polyester wedding dress splattered with fake blood for eight hours, today was most definitely not one of those days. Still, she should be grateful. It could have been worse. Far worse. “I’m a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout.” Anita sang the nursery rhyme, waving first one arm then the other while dancing around Beth’s department. Beth had to smile. Her friend’s halo of red curls made such an adorable round knob, sticking out the top of her costume’s teapot lid, and her trademark insanely high heels looked so absurd with it. “Who’d have thought Mrs P had such a killer sense of humour?” Anita said. “Head of Kitchenware dressed as a teapot, the Bridal Registry consultant a corpse bride. Would you believe Peter had to jump around as a rabbit all day? Kinda cute in the Pet Department, I guess.” Beth couldn’t treat it quite the joke Anita did. The costumes Mrs Pettett insisted staff wore in the lead up to Halloween seemed to have scared people off, instead of bringing them in. A stunt like this might work in other stores, but not at Pettett and Mayfield’s. Customers expected tradition, not gimmicks, from the staid and sensible maiden aunt of London department stores. “Have your sales been as bad as mine?” Beth sighed, working out her commission for the day on the back of a till receipt. “Not

6

Autumn Macarthur

a single bride-to-be, and hardly any wedding guests buying gifts, either.” Using her design skills helping brides put together lists of lovely wedding gifts to create their perfect homes satisfied a creative part of her. Plus, the commissions on her sales went straight into saving for her own dream home. Except that today’s sales wouldn’t buy the key to a doll’s house. “Sales are terrible.” Anita became serious for a moment. “Have you heard the rumour that the store made a loss this month? Jaz in the upstairs office told me at lunchtime.” Beth believed it. Her department was one of the top performers, but October had been dismal. So bad, she’d even wondered whether to cancel the house viewing arranged for Saturday. Though cancelling meant missing out. A potentially good house, and for once almost affordable. Her chance for a place of her own. But if sales didn’t pick up... Anita carried on, with her usual bubbliness. “Nothing to worry about, I’m sure. Things will get better, with Christmas shopping starting soon. And tonight we’ll console ourselves with pizza and garlic bread. You’re still on?” Beth nodded. “Absolutely! Roll on six thirty.” Closing time wouldn’t come soon enough today. Anita snorted. “You gotta see this. Looks like some poor guy from electronics has wandered to our floor. Is he dressed as Brains from Thunderbirds?” Beth spun around to see. It wasn’t a staff member. James Wetherton-Hart, wearing big glasses, sky blue boxy jacket, bow tie, and all. Probably a pocket protector on his white shirt, for good measure. Of course, a research physicist’s favourite hero would be a throwback science puppet from the 60′s.

THE WEDDING LIST

7

Why he was here at all, yet alone in costume when Halloween wasn’t until tomorrow was a mystery. One she wasn’t hanging around long enough to solve. “Please, you deal with this customer. I know him,” she hissed to Anita, before ducking behind a tastefully arranged tower of saucepans. Even after so long, her reaction at seeing him seemed uncontrollable. Warmth flooded her, like a blush all over. A tingle started at her toes and kept going. Her tongue seemed glued to the roof of her mouth. It was true what they said. You never forgot your first love. Running all the way up from the sub-basement storerooms wouldn’t make her any shorter of breath, as she peeked out from her stainless steel hiding place. He seemed lost, squinting around him, a puzzled frown creasing his forehead. His brown hair flopped over his eyes in the same endearing way it used to when he was nineteen. “Can I help you sir,” Anita asked him. His double take at being served by a teapot would have been comical, if Beth wasn’t so stunned by seeing him again. “Sorry to come in so near closing time. I need a wedding present rather urgently.” His soft inflection hadn’t changed. Neither British or American, product of a childhood spent shuttling between countries. It still melted Beth, like it always had. “I have a list.” He searched his pockets, unsuccessfully. “Somewhere.” He glanced around with the desperate air of a man out of his usual environment and without a clue what to do. “I’m afraid my colleague who manages the Wedding Gift Registry is out of the department right now.” Anita looked in Beth’s direction, eyebrows raised. Indecision clawed her.

8

Autumn Macarthur

Losing a sale made no sense. Especially to avoid talking to a man she’d once imagined she was in love with. She wasn’t sixteen any more. She could do this. Maybe the Halloween outfit would keep him from recognising her. Maybe pigs would fly. Then another customer, a frail looking older woman, tripped stepping off the down escalator and fell, sprawling on the marble floor as her shopping bags scattered around her. No option but to rush to the woman’s side, muttering a panicked prayer there were no injuries. Her first aid training was way past its best-before date. She knelt beside the lady, who shakily pushed herself up to sit. “Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?” “My shopping...” the woman said. Beth turned to look. Hopefully her purchases were all the customer had to worry about. “Don’t worry, I’m getting it all for you.” Anita began awkwardly gathering the assortment of bags, hampered by her costume. James knelt at the fallen woman’s other side. “Don’t try to get up yet. Check you can move your legs first.” “Thank you, young man, I’m fine.” The older lady’s voice regained some strength. “I got through the war, you know, it will take more than a little tumble to stop me.” James blinked across at Beth as if trying to focus. His hazel eyes behind the huge plastic framed glasses held more than a hint of bemused ‘Should I know you?’ He peered closer. Thankfully, his expression stayed one of almost-but-not-quite recognition. The horrible costume and ugly make-up were a blessing, after all. The woman struggled, trying to rise. “Help me up, please, and don’t fuss.”

THE WEDDING LIST

9

“Just wait a moment more,” Beth said. “Please, do move your legs first.” The customer raised one leg and then the other, making it clear she did it only to humour them. One on either side, Beth and James helped her to her feet. “See, perfectly all right. Stationery Department?” the woman asked, in a no-nonsense tone. “That’s on the Second Floor. Can you manage? I should walk up with you to make sure you’re okay.” Beth didn’t add that it gave the perfect excuse to get away from James before he recognised her. “That won’t be necessary. I’m fine. Where are those bags of mine?” “I’m afraid one of us will have to accompany you ma’am, as you’ve had a fall.” Anita cut in before Beth had a chance to speak. She glanced from James to Beth with a speculative gleam in her eyes. “Health and Safety rules. I have your bags, I’ll go with you.” Before anyone had a chance to argue, Anita hustled the woman onto the escalator. Beth threw Anita her best ‘I’ll get even with you later’ look, but got a grin and a wink in reply. No choice but to deal with James. Taking a deep breath, she dredged up her most formal shop assistant mode. “Thank you for helping us. How can I assist you, sir? I believe you’re looking for a wedding gift?” Her voice came out firm and strong, in the cultivated tone she’d worked hard to develop, disguising her original working class twang. Customers expected her to sound more like one of them. Only she knew that her cut glass accent wasn’t the real thing. Some days, it all felt as fake and ‘keeping up appearances’ as Hyacinth Bucket, pronounced Boo-kay. But now, just like the costume, her voice helped shield her identity.

10

Autumn Macarthur

James smiled, and her tummy flipped over, the way it always used to. Her gaze darted to his left hand. No wedding ring, but that didn’t mean anything. So many men didn’t wear one. “I’m glad the lady wasn’t injured,” he said searching the pockets of his outfit again. “Let me see if I can find that list.” He held out a printed sheet, featuring an instantly recognisable yellow and black logo. No need to take the gift list from him. He’d come to the wrong place. Helpful as another sale would be, getting rid of James was worth more than a commission. Besides, honesty demanded sending him to the right store. Filching another bridal registry’s customer was bad form. “I’m afraid that’s not one of our wedding lists, sir. That’s from Selfridges, on Oxford Street. They’re open until seven tonight. You can easily get there before they close.” He looked around. “This isn’t Selfridges? I’m sure I was headed the right direction.” Unable to hold back a smile, she shook her head. “This is Pettett and Mayfield’s.” So he was still as absent-minded as ever, too. James did his puppy-dog-eyes look, an almost irresistible expression. “Can you help me anyway? Please? I’m in a predicament. The wedding is this evening.” He glanced at his watch. “I’m already running late and my partner has stood me up at the last minute.” Beth recalled how ruthlessly self-interested Imogen had been. No surprise she would stand James up if it suited her. The only surprise was that she hadn’t got him safely married yet. “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.” Despite her pounding heart and trembling legs, somehow her manner showed no more than her usual polite interest to a customer. “I wouldn’t have guessed you were dressed for a wedding.”

THE WEDDING LIST

11

“A costume wedding.” He smiled, tilting his head on one side in a way that captivated her, as he picked up the edge of his jacket. “One of my colleagues had a costume I could borrow, at least. Turning up without a partner is bad enough. If I turn up without a present for Immy and Hugo as well, I’ll put myself totally beyond the pale.” He’d said Immy, his nickname for Imogen. Imogen was the bride? Marrying someone else? Her heart turned an odd little flip. She schooled her face to polite helpfulness. “Certainly, sir. What do you think they would like?” “I don’t know.” James sounded helpless and clueless. Typical, for most men faced with gift buying. “We haven’t seen much of each other for quite a long while, but I gather they’re keen on Victoriana. Steampunk. That sort of thing.” Satisfying as getting him to buy her teenage nemesis something she’d hate would be, that petty revenge wasn’t worth stooping to. Her job was to help him find the best gift, just like any other customer. The huge handmade clock was perfect, all gears and pulleys and whirring wheels, like an H.G. Wells time machine. “It’s a unique piece. The artist in Cornwall makes each one individually from recycled materials. Would this be suitable?” No need to mention the eye-blinking price tag. Little chance of sticker shock here. As expected, he didn’t ask how much it cost, just told her he’d take it and handed over a credit card. Awareness of James’s gaze on her as she gift-wrapped the present trembled through her. Lord, please, help me stay calm. Help me get this done. Get the box wrapped in shiny black paper without dropping it and wiping out her whole week’s commission.

12

Autumn Macarthur

And get rid of James before he realised who she was. His gaze made her hands shake so badly, the red ribbon rolled right off the counter. When she stood after bending to pick it up, his eyes behind those huge glasses of his sharpened. He stared at her oddly, intently. Not at her face, at her chest. He hadn’t been that type when she’d known him before, and besides, there wasn’t much there worth staring at. Except now there was. Her necklace had dropped over the front of her dress. A wave of nausea washed through her as her stomach plummeted to the floor. She rushed to tuck the gold book shaped charm he’d given her for her sixteenth birthday out of sight, but not quickly enough. “Beth? It’s you, isn’t it?” He peered at her, brows pulled together, then certainty replaced doubt on his face. His lips narrowed. The receipt she’d just handed him crumpled in his clenched hand. “These glasses are plain plastic so I’m blind as a bat, but you were going to let me leave without so much as a hello?” Of course, he had every right to be angry. And she had every right to be angry too. What happened ten years before hadn’t been her fault. She’d been forced to leave, without the chance to say goodbye. He’d never tried to contact her. She'd longed for him to, and he hadn't. Every inch of her seemed to have frozen into stone. No point trying to pretend he was mistaken. She closed her eyes and nodded. “You owe me an explanation for the way you disappeared without a word.” He paused. “No, you owe me more than that.” Her eyes flew open at his emphatic tone, in time to see a sudden smile light his face.

THE WEDDING LIST

13

“Be my partner tonight.” He ignored her head shake. “If this isn’t God’s guiding, I don’t know what is. I need a partner for a costume wedding. I come to the wrong store and find you, already in costume. We can’t ignore it or refuse it. Come to the wedding.” It was a statement, not a question. The determined gleam in his hazel eyes told her he wouldn’t take no for an answer. James was back in her life. And God thing or not, the only possible outcome was another heartbreak.

Chapter 2 James almost grinned at how commanding his voice sounded. Not his usual style. But something about Beth seemed to bring out an inner Alpha male he hadn’t known he possessed. He didn’t grin. That would spoil the effect. He wanted her to agree and come to the wedding. If being Alpha would do the trick, he’d be as Alpha as it took. If he needed to pound on his chest like a gorilla, he would. Though the shock on her face didn’t look too promising. Her wide eyes staring straight at him, pupils so dilated her eyes became more black than brown. Her dropped jaw, mouth forming a surprised O. The confident and competent image she’d managed to project despite her outlandish costume crumpled. “I... I can’t,” she stammered. Her hands raised to cover her mouth. He forced his mind to stay calm and analytical. The sensations rioting through him were merely a biological reaction to proximity. Hormones. He’d studied enough neurobiology to know that. His racing heart — dopamine and norepinephrine. The sensation of warmth and wellbeing — serotonin and oxytocin. His uncharacteristic desire to go caveman, swing her over his shoulder and carry her off — testosterone. Feelings were a distraction. He had to focus on the facts. She’d run away from him all those years ago, and she tried to hide from him now.

THE WEDDING LIST

15

Though she still wore the necklace he’d given her. That had to mean something. “Come to the wedding with me tonight,” he repeated. He allowed himself a smile then. “You’re already in costume. Like I said, this is too much to be coincidence. It has to be God.” Hope sparked in her eyes for a nanosecond, lifting his heart, then she looked down and her posture slumped. “Imogen’s wedding? I can’t, James. I don’t belong in your world.” His golden flash of joy at that spark in her eyes transmuted to leaden grief. Her aunt had said something similar when he’d gone to the Servant’s Quarters and asked her to explain why Beth had left. The story that she’d stolen a necklace had to be a lie. He’d gotten to know her well enough over the summer to realise that. His Beth might have unofficially borrowed books, but she wouldn’t steal. The truth was, the son of the house’s friendship with the housekeeper’s niece was unsuitable, so they’d made sure they ended it. Beth had been got at, when he wasn’t there to protect her. When he came back from his climbing weekend, longing to see her again, she was gone. All that class and wealth nonsense meant nothing to him. But it seemed it did to Beth. Unless, of course, the reason was that she simply didn’t care for him. He pretended he’d misunderstood. “Not many people do understand statistical physics and the extremes of complexity theory. But I’m asking you to be my partner at a wedding, not a physics convention.” He waggled his eyebrows at her, trying to lighten the mood. “You do owe me, after all. You left without saying goodbye.”

16

Autumn Macarthur

She didn’t reply, didn’t even raise her eyes. Instead, she busied herself cutting red ribbon, wrapping it around the gift wrapped box, taking time to tie a perfect bow. Her face behind that awful grey makeup was an equally perfect expressionless mask. He needed to demolish all her possible objections, one by one. “I’m not dating anyone. I have a deal with one of the other researchers that we partner each other to these things. But when she had a last minute invitation to present a paper at a seminar in Edinburgh, of course I released her from our agreement.” Beth glanced up, doubt pursing her mouth. He smiled, though he didn’t feel much amusement, and shook his head. “She’s not a girlfriend, just a friend. Like me, she’s in love with someone she can’t have.” He wasn’t about to tell her that the someone was her. Always had been, always would be. Please Lord, let this be a second chance for us. She looked at him sharply, but said nothing. “I didn’t cheat on you last time, either. No matter what Immy told you, there was nothing between us —” Beth interrupted. “You don’t need to explain. We never dated. Who you saw then and who you see now is no business of mine.” The hint of fire in her brown eyes suggested he’d hit a raw nerve. A raw nerve for him too. Losing Beth and believing she didn’t care for him had hurt more than anything else in his life. “We weren’t really dating, no. We were friends. But I hoped you’d realise I wanted us to grow into something more.” He smiled, a smile that covered a depth of emotion. “I missed you when you left.” She curled her lip in a way that said, ‘Sure you did,’ loud as if she’d spoken. He leaned on the counter to see her face better. Not having his real glasses was proving to be a royal nuisance. “Tell me, are

THE WEDDING LIST

17

you seeing someone else? If you’re already dating, I won’t pester you. I’ll go away and leave you alone.” Giving her the ‘Get out of jail free’ card, was the gentlemanly thing to do, though he doubted she’d still be wearing the necklace he gave her if she was seeing someone else. Or if she didn’t care, if the memory of their friendship meant nothing to her. A struggle played out on her face. Clearly, she was tempted. Then she shook her head. “You know why I don’t want to go. Please don’t pretend you don’t.” So she wasn’t seeing anyone. Joy exploded through him, like caesium in water. “Immy will hate me if I make her numbers uneven by turning up without a partner.” Her lips twisted in a humourless smile, and she shook her head again. “Don’t you think Imogen will be even less impressed if you turn up with a former housemaid as your partner?” Her voice held the bite of sulphuric acid. Something in his chest hurt at the way she devalued herself. He reached toward her. “You aren’t a housemaid now. And even when you were, I didn’t think any less of you because of it. We’re not characters in a Victorian novel. Anyway, the Bible says we we’re all equal in Christ. I believe that. Don’t you?” Finished with the ribbon, Beth slapped her scissors on the counter, looking more as if she’d like to stab him with them. She ignored his outstretched hand. “Not everyone thinks that way.” She was silent a moment, turned inward, frowning. Her thoughts obviously weren’t happy. He hated thinking of his Beth being bullied or put down. But she did it to herself, as well. A fleeting smile softened her face, surprising him. “That was something I admired about you, James. You seemed to treat everyone the same. I never felt you judged me.”

18

Autumn Macarthur

Triumph tightened his muscles. He wanted to punch victory fists in the air. Soon, she’d agree. Then her expression hardened, holding a bitterness he’d never seen in the younger Beth. “Though it seems I was wrong about that. Imogen told me you wouldn’t bother with me once I left, and she was right.” That wasn’t the truth at all. He shook his head. Her lips tightened, but tears glimmered in her eyes. “You say I owe you. Maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe you owe me an explanation, too. I didn’t contact you, because I wanted to see if you cared enough to get in touch. You didn’t.” Memories of his bleak loneliness after she left swept him. There’d been no way for him to reach her after she left, while she knew where he lived, and where he was studying. When she hadn’t contacted him, his hypothesis that a girl like her wouldn’t care for a geek like him was confirmed. After all, his own parents didn’t, so why should she? He’d done what any rejected geek would do. Turned brainiac, focused on his studies, and graduated with a double-starred first. Perhaps he had been wrong. Relationships couldn’t be explained away with science. Beth had waited for him. But how to explain... A nasal toned announcement came over the store’s P.A. system. “Our store is closing in five minutes, will all customers please bring their final purchases to the sales counters. Thank you.” Beth clearly didn’t try to hide her relief at the interruption. She pushed the beautifully wrapped gift toward him. “I’m sure Imogen will love this enough to forgive you for being partnerless.” She hadn’t hidden her relief. He didn’t try to hide how much he wanted her to agree to partner him, either.

THE WEDDING LIST

19

Seemed they’d both played silly games and tested each other over who’d make contact first in the past. If this was a game, he’d be playing for keeps this time. “Beth, I want you there with me tonight. Not to make Immy happy. I don’t care about that. To be honest, I’m surprised she even asked me. I’ve barely seen her for years. My mother and hers had something of a falling out.” She said nothing, though her eyes widened a little. Of course, Immy would have made much of the fact that their mothers were childhood best friends, who’d cooked up the plan to marry off their children before either baby was even born. No need to tell Beth they’d rowed over his refusal to marry Immy, and only recently began speaking again. “I want you there because I’d be proud to have you as my partner.” Her lip curled. Looked like she’d take some convincing. He checked his watch. “In case you change your mind, I’ll wait outside the staff entrance until six fifteen, then I need to go. I can’t arrive late for a wedding.” She shook her head. “Don’t wait. I won’t be there. I thought you said you were running late?” He smiled. “Not so late I wouldn’t wait for you.” “You’ll be wasting your time if you do. The doors close at six, but by the time we finish end-of-day, it’s six thirty.” Her smile held a tinge of triumph. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t get off in time for Imogen’s wedding. Anyway, I’m already busy tonight.” She turned her back on him, busying herself with the cash register. “I have work to do.” The last thing he wanted was to push her too hard. That risked seeming stalkerish. But standing watching her, he was sure Beth felt the same spark he did. If she wouldn’t go to the wedding, he’d convince her to meet him some other time.

20

Autumn Macarthur

They needed to talk. He needed to explain to her why he hadn’t contacted her. And hear her explanation of why she’d left ten years before, not the version he’d been told when he got back to Tetherton Hall. Then, he’d formulate a plan to solve whatever the problem was. His hypothesis – she believed her working class background made her unsuitable. He’d seen the flash of shame in her eyes, when she’d told him she couldn’t go to the wedding because she didn’t belong in his world. The crazy thing was, he didn’t belong in that world, either. Why she thought what her relatives did for a living made a difference, he didn’t know. He surely didn’t. All he knew was that she was his Beth, no matter whether her father was a street sweeper or a Lord, and whether she had no education or a PhD. Of course his mother didn’t agree. For the sake of continuing her family line with the right sort of girl, she’d introduced him to an endless stream of Honorables and Ladys and even a few mere Misses. But not one of her Hooray Henriettas had made his heart beat faster like Beth had, for all their wealth or breeding or connections. It hadn’t taken more than one season for Mother to wash her hands of him and let him hide away in this lab again. He’d treat Beth’s reluctance and her misguided beliefs like any other research question. Work the problem, and find the solution. It worked with complex physics conundrums, it would work with her, too. This time, he wouldn’t give her the chance to walk away from what they had. And if the answer was the theory he least wanted to be true, that Beth didn’t care for him, he’d have to suck it up and accept it. Just like any other proven theory he’d wanted to be untrue. A second announcement with more urgency came over the public address. “Will all customers please leave the store, as we

THE WEDDING LIST

21

are now closed for the day. Thank you for shopping at Pettett and Mayfield’s. The store will reopen at ten am tomorrow.” Looked like he had to be the one to walk away. At least until tomorrow. Beth swung around to face him. “James, you need to go. I’m sorry, I really can’t go with you tonight.” He hoped he hadn’t imagined that tinge of regret in her voice. “So I’ll give up on tonight. That doesn’t mean I’ve given up on seeing you again. You’re right. I do owe you an explanation. You deserve one. Give me the chance to do that.” “Please, just go.” Again, she turned away. It ached like a broken bone to see her ignoring him, the way his parents had his whole life. But he wasn’t quite caveman enough to drag her out of the store. Whether he wanted to or not, he had to leave now. That didn’t mean letting her go. The knowledge straightened his back and squared his shoulders. At the top of the escalator, the round red headed teapot wearing shop assistant, grinned at him. “You and Beth have history?” she asked. “I’m Anita, Beth’s friend.” He hesitated. If they were friends, how much had Beth told her? “We knew each other in our teens,” he said cautiously, peering at her, trying to judge her reaction. Difficult without his proper glasses on. Unless he focused hard, faces were a blur. Her open freckled face and friendly smile seemed trustworthy. “I asked her to partner me to this wedding tonight.” He pulled out the invitation and handed it to her. “She said no.” “James Tetherton-Hart and partner,” she read. Her smile widened in a way that suggested she’d heard of him and wasn’t above playing matchmaker.

22

Autumn Macarthur

So he hadn’t imagined that she’d winked at Beth as she escorted the older woman away. In retrospect, it seemed obvious she’d deliberately left the two of them alone together. She rolled her eyes. “Of course she said no. Even if she wanted to go, she should refuse. It’s the Rules.” “I’m a man of science, you’ll have to enlighten me on these rules.” He was asking dating advice from a teapot on legs. “No girl should ever accept a last minute date. But as it happens, she is already booked for tonight. I wouldn’t worry too much though. You know the wedding isn’t until tomorrow night?” “It isn’t?” He still hadn’t the foggiest what rules she meant, but surely he knew what day it was. “It isn’t. This invitation is for Friday. Today is Thursday.” He squinted at her, hoping she was serious. “Are you sure?” She laughed. “I’m sure. It’s Thursday. But that’s a good thing for you. You get another day to persuade her.” He smiled back. Another chance with Beth was exactly what he wanted. “No wonder my research assistant looked at me oddly when I wished him a good weekend. I’ve been so engrossed with my work I lost track of what day it was. My whole department is probably laughing at me. No change there.” Anita smiled, and glanced around. “Didn’t you buy a wedding present? Where is it?” He squeezed his eyes shut. Seeing Beth again had completely befuddled him. “I must seem a complete idiot. I left it downstairs, on Beth’s counter. I’ll get it.” He started for the down escalator, but she stopped him. “No. Leave it.” She grinned and leaned closer, like a conspirator. “Gives you a reason to come back tomorrow, doesn’t it? And I have an even better idea. The front door will be locked

THE WEDDING LIST

23

now. You need a staff member to let you out. I’ll tell you on the way.” As he followed her, he couldn’t help hoping and praying. Thank You Lord for sending me an ally. Now all I need is for her scheme, whatever it is, to work.

Chapter 3 All the way through her end-of-day tasks, Beth thought of James. Her refusal was all front, with no substance behind it. The second he’d turned to leave, she’d stared after his retreating back until he disappeared out of sight on the rising escalator. Relief warred with disappointment when he hadn’t looked back. He’d walked tall, shoulders broad. Something had changed in him. It wasn’t a swagger, far from it, but there’d been a confidence and a sureness of himself that the younger James hadn’t had. He’d even looked less diffident on leaving than when he’d first walked into her department. Had meeting her again done that? There’d been no mistaking the keen expression that brightened his vaguely unfocused eyes when he’d spotted the charm he’d given her, or the way his habitual slight stoop straightened when he recognised her. He hadn’t wanted to take no for an answer. And he’d as good as promised he’d be back. In fact, he certainly would be. Imogen’s present was still sitting on the counter. Excitement fluttered through her at the thought of seeing him again. She’d called herself a fool for allowing the necklace to reveal her identity, but perhaps, it was meant to be. There’d been a gentle whisper inside her since he stepped off the escalator and walked into her department. Whispering perhaps this was God’s will for her life, another chance with the only man who’d meant anything to her.

THE WEDDING LIST

25

All those first dates, with nice men from the store or from church, but there had never been a second date. No-one measured up to her memories of James. This time, it might work out differently. Her lips twisted along with her heart. No point kidding herself. Nothing had changed. They still couldn’t be together. The gap between them was wider than ever. Everything that had been true ten years ago remained true. An uneducated working class girl was no match for a man like James, genius son of a titled British mother and an American tycoon father. Refusing to partner him to the wedding was the right thing to do. For his sake, to save embarrassing him in front of his family and friends, once his mother and Imogen recognised her. Nothing good could come of saying ‘Yes’. There was no way anything serious or long term could happen. New Scientist was full of glowing reports she didn’t entirely understand about his research, and rumours of how he’d soon become one of Cambridge University’s youngest professors. A girl like her would hold him back in his career. Sure, her interior design ideas had gained her a reputation among customers here. Being asked to management meetings unofficially put her on the same level as the department heads. Her Pinterest decorating boards had loads of followers and repins. But she was nothing but a glorified shop assistant when you came down to it, made to leave school at sixteen without a single qualification. Imogen and her snooty friends would still look down their patrician noses at her. Her sparkle of elation fizzled like a wet firecracker. Far more likely that God arranged for them to meet again for her to get over him and forget him once and for all. Wishing anything different was just plain stupid.

26

Autumn Macarthur

But that hopeful glimmer in her heart still flickered, refusing to die. Surely they’d been brought back together for a better reason than saying the goodbyes they hadn’t been able to say back then? Her aunt, James’s mother, and Imogen, they’d all made it clear there was no possibility of a future with him. When she’d fled home broken-hearted, even her own parents had told her to stay with her own kind, when they’d finished joking about how they’d spend his money. The problem was, they had no idea what her kind was. It wasn’t to be found in their world of beer and cigarettes and TV. James was her kind in so many ways. Thoughtful, considerate, a scientist who also read poetry, a man of integrity and solid faith. No-one else in her life had ever been so akin. Like a robot, she processed her tasks. Cleared her counter. Shut down her computer. Locked the cabinets containing the most valuable goods. Set the cash register and PDQ machine to totalling the day’s sales, and counted up the day’s meagre cash takings ready for Cara to collect. Her mind was all on James. Anita hurried from the escalator across to her department, as much as a teapot in killer heels could hurry. “Stragglers! I got stuck shooing them out the front door. Can’t wait to get my department closed down, then get out of this, into my jeans, and on our way to Pizza Pronto.” Beth eyed her suspiciously. Anita’s mischievous grin and air of suppressed excitement seemed all out of proportion with anticipating a pizza. Even a Pizza Pronto pizza. Cutting across to kitchenware, her friend didn’t quite meet her eyes. No forgetting that wink as Anita abandoned her with James. On their way to the restaurant, they’d be having a chat about that.

THE WEDDING LIST

27

But while the PDQ machine crawled through its print out, ‘what ifs’ sent tremors butterflying through her. What if she’d said that one little ‘Yes’? Agreed to go to the wedding instead? Even if nothing was meant to happen between her and James, it was way past time to stand up to the bullies and stop being such a pushover. Her hands formed fists. She’d won a scholarship, then allowed bullies to make her life miserable at the private school, instead of fighting back. She’d taken the job at Tetherton Hall for the summer, then let her aunt hustle her away from Imogen’s false accusations of theft, instead of standing up to her. She’d fallen for James, then listened to Imogen’s story that they were as good as engaged, instead of insisting on an opportunity to hear what he had to say about that. Ms Doormat personified. They needed to hear each other’s sides of the story. Have the talk they’d been cheated of then. That wouldn’t happen unless they saw each other again. On a purely business level, the wedding might have been a good opportunity to mix socially with the very people most important to attract as customers, too. Too late now. That chance was gone. But James had to come back tomorrow to collect the gift box. The knowledge glowed inside her like a colony of fireflies. Busying herself leafing through the latest catalogues from her suppliers didn’t help. Even the beautiful things available to order for her department couldn’t distract her from thinking of him. At last Cara arrived. Despite her Ms Scrooge reputation, the assistant deputy manager, usually managed a few friendly words. Today, her dark brows twitched together and she loosed a sigh at the figures on the print-outs.

28

Autumn Macarthur

“I’m sorry,” Beth said. “Sales weren’t anywhere near what I’d want them to be. So few customers came down here. I’m dressed as a corpse, and the place felt like a morgue.” Or it had, until James arrived. Saying that out loud was a no no, Cara’s businesslike politeness didn’t invite confidences. “The costumes didn’t help at all.” Cara flicked the full skirt of her sparkly Tinkerbelle costume, incongruous with her serious accountant’s face. “Unfortunately, the magic wand that came with this malfunctioned. Sales were down right across the store. But Mrs Pettett must be obeyed.” Beth nodded, but rolled her eyes. The store ran on autocratic lines, and the elderly owner’s word was law, like it or not. Mrs Pettett’s schemes were legendary among the staff. Flops, almost every time. A rare smile lightened Cara’s expression. “The Bridal Registry is still one of our best departments. One area where tradition helps us. Mothers want to bring their daughters back, to set up their lists where they had theirs. You’re doing a good job. Go out tonight and forget Pettett and Mayfield’s. There’s got to be more to life than selling things. Anyway, by next week, Mrs Pettett will have a new plan to boost sales.” No doubt she would. Maybe one day, a scheme might even work. Just like their eccentric boss, Beth wanted to help the store thrive rather than dwindle away. Her house buying fund was a three legged horse in the race against rising property prices. Doomed to being permanently single, every penny of commission her sales earned was earmarked for buying a home. That pushed her to think up her own schemes, hopefully ones with a better chance of working than Mrs Pettett’s. “I’ll do my best to increase our sales,” she said. “I’m thinking I should approach London Brides magazine. I missed out on the Christmas issue, unfortunately. The deadline’s already passed.

THE WEDDING LIST

29

But I’m going to push for inclusion in their Valentine Weddings feature.” Cara nodded. “That would be wonderful. Thanks for your hard work.” Beth wasn’t about to say that she needed the commissions. Someone on a management salary like Cara wouldn’t understand that. Cara signed off the takings receipt and handed it back. “Enjoy your evening.” Beth nodded, then spoke on impulse. “Would you like to join us?” Cara seemed so isolated. Only in her twenties, yet behaving like a middle-aged woman, with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Or the weight of Pettett and Mayfield’s, anyway. They’d never thought to ask her to the weekly pizza nights. Cara shook her head and smiled, though there was a hint of sorrow and something more behind it. “It’s sweet of you to ask. But you’ll all want to unwind after work. Having management there won’t help with that. Thanks anyway.” Placing the takings and paperwork in their precise positions in her trolley, she walked away, looking more alone than ever. Beth prayed that God would comfort Cara. There was a wound there, every bit as deep as the one that James not getting in touch had cut into her. And there they were, thoughts of James yet again. No escaping them. She waved at Anita, still closing up, and headed for the staff locker rooms. It would take a good ten minutes of scrubbing and brushing to get clean from the corpse makeup and streaks of grey hairspray. Then she’d help Anita struggle out of her teapot. And work out how to wash the costume dress to wear it again tomorrow, without it falling apart. Half an hour later, the usual suspects clustered around a table in Pizza Pronto. Figuring out who wanted mushrooms and who

30

Autumn Macarthur

wanted anchovies. Debating the merits of doughballs versus garlic flatbread versus French style garlic bread. Beth hadn’t forgotten James, not one bit. At least he’d faded to a background refrain in her mind. When footsteps sounded, then stopped next to her, she assumed it was the waiter. “We’re not ready to...” The words died in her throat and her breathing choked. Not a waiter. James, his hands on the back of the empty chair beside her, stooped forward a little and peering at her with painful anxiety. He’d changed from his Halloween costume, too, wearing jeans with a nice shirt that brought out the green in his hazel eyes and showed how wide his shoulders were. Not that she should be noticing that. But some things a girl just couldn’t help noticing. “May I sit here?” he asked, voice cautious and tentative. No wonder Anita engineered it so no-one else sat next to her. She should be angry at her for meddling. But it was hard to be angry when inside her a fluttering songbird sang thanksgiving. Thank You Lord for giving me another chance with him. Her breath let go with a whoosh. She nodded, her mouth stretching in a smile of Julia Roberts proportions. James straightened, and the happiness that shone in his face warmed her more than a bonfire would. Anita grinned at her, then looked around the table at the others. “This is James, an old friend of Beth’s. He thought he had a wedding to go to this evening but got his days mixed up. It’s not till tomorrow. So I told him to join us tonight. I hope that’s okay.” Her slightly pugnacious expression dared anyone, especially Beth, to say no. Beth couldn’t say no.

THE WEDDING LIST

31

Didn’t want to say no. As James sat next to her, there wasn’t anywhere in the world better to be. In the end, it made no difference what pizzas they ordered. Impossible to eat a mouthful. The most she managed was fiddling with her knife and fork, pushing a slice of pizza around her plate, and sipping water to wet her parched mouth. James’s appetite didn’t seem to be affected. “I missed lunch,” he explained, cheerfully demolishing her share of the food as well as his own. Maybe he didn’t feel anything for her, after all. Though he kept darting glances at her, making her stomach somersault. He fit in surprisingly well, laughing and joking with her friends. When they’d known each other before, they’d always been alone. Walking in the grounds. Sitting by the river. Or reading in the library, where he’d found her the day they’d first met, sitting in a chair a housemaid had no right to sit in, turning the pages of a book a housemaid had no right to do more than dust. His mother, The Honorable Portia Tetherton, had been just as horrified as Beth’s Aunt Alice, the housekeeper, when their friendship was discovered. Both had considered it totally unsuitable. And it still was. She knew an uneducated shopgirl like her was all wrong for him. She knew her feelings for him were far more than friendship. She knew nothing had changed. But if he asked her once more to go to Imogen’s wedding, her answer this time would be ‘Yes’. One more evening with him. The chance to explain. The chance to say the proper goodbye they’d been cheated of last time.

32

Autumn Macarthur

Surely that wasn’t too much to hope for. While the others argued football, he moved closer, ducking his head toward her. His nearness made her dizzy, blood pounding in her temples. “I hope you don’t mind,” he said, low voiced. “I met Anita as I was leaving the store. When I showed her the invitation and she pointed out the wedding wasn’t till tomorrow, I hoped you’d give me another opportunity.” His smile dazzled her like a thousand watt spotlight. Between that and her dry lips, a reply was impossible. “I know I could ask you again when I came to collect Immy’s present, but I wanted to see you again tonight. I didn’t want to chance you not being at work tomorrow.” “I... I reconsidered. I will go to the wedding with you. If you still want me to.” His glowing eyes and wide smile were all the answer needed, though it was hard to believe he’d want to risk his friends and family seeing them together. “I still want you to,” he said. “Are you at the store tomorrow? If not, I can collect you from your place.” Shame flooded her, heating her cheeks even more than his nearness had. “No!” The word came out far louder than intended. Everyone stopped talking to stare. Her flush intensified until her whole body flamed. James mustn’t be allowed to see her parents’ house. The ugliness and meanness of the neighbourhood fried her spirits every day. Mum and Dad were kind to let her still live with them to save money, and she loved them, of course. But having anyone visit was not an option. Especially James. “I’m working tomorrow.” Her tone stayed far quieter this time. “Meet me there instead. I have to wear the Halloween outfit all day, anyway.” She risked a glance at him, to find his eyes

THE WEDDING LIST

33

steady on her, filled with warmth and concern. “It is still costume?” He grinned. “I may have got the date wrong, but I’m not wrong about that. Definitely Halloween clothing.” David from Menswear commented on awfulness of the outfits they’d had to wear, and they both got involved in the conversation. Beth made sure they didn’t have any time alone or private conversation after that. Now that partnering him to Imogen’s wedding was a reality, fear started to bite. That didn’t mean she’d back down. James was right. God’s unexpected gift of one last evening together couldn’t be refused, no matter how much it terrified her.

Chapter 4 Forget butterflies. Whole squadrons of crows patrolled Beth’s tummy. They pecked doubt all day long, making her wonder if the impulsive decision to accompany James to the wedding – Imogen’s wedding – was totally insane, or merely a little unwise. No way to know. Silently praying between customers, the words that kept coming back to her were ‘Trust in Me’. But sometimes, trusting God was the hardest thing to do. Meeting with James again did seem crazy. No matter how gorgeous he was. How much he still looked like Hugh Grant had in all her favourite rom coms. Or how much being near him made her heart beat faster. It still seemed probable that accepting this gift of more time with him would lead to heartache. That is, if she survived long enough to have her heart broken again. Every time the escalator clattered down with a customer or the lift door opened, tension flooded her. Chances were, nothing but the anticipation of seeing him would give her a heart attack. Surviving though to six o’clock seemed improbable, let alone until the wedding. Anita didn’t help, gleefully bouncing around the department like the she was Queen of Hearts, rather than the silly teapot outfit she wore for the second day in a row. “As soon as I saw that wedding invitation and knew it was him, I wasn’t going to let you say no.” As she stacked brightly enamelled tea kettles, her voice held no trace of doubt about her

THE WEDDING LIST

35

matchmaking abilities. “I’ll have you two back together in no time. Everyone gets romantic at a wedding.” Beth glanced up from reorganising her display shelves. The edge of acid in her sharp laugh hurt. “Go aim your arrows elsewhere, girlfriend. This wedding won’t be romantic. And James and I never were together.” Bitterness escaped as the words rolled off her tongue. “I thought I loved him. But really, we were nothing but friends. Maybe on the edge of blossoming into something more. Until tonight’s lovely bride got rid of me because she wanted him all to herself.” Anita’s blue eyes widened. “It’s her wedding. Oh.” “Now you see why I didn’t want to go? It’s not only the James thing. I’ll have to hope Imogen is too busy being the centre of attention to bother being nasty.” She waved the intricately carved Welsh love spoon she’d just unpacked, to emphasise her words. “I’m going because it might be good for business. According to her Facebook page, Imogen’s guest list is the Who’s Who of twenty-something society girls. At least one of her friends is bound to be engaged. If I can get the right sort of bride-to-be to the store, it could make a huge difference. Just one would do. A well-connected, high-profile one who’ll tell all her friends how wonderful Pettett and Mayfield’s is.” “Only business, hey? The delectable James has nothing to do with it? Seems it’s more like a date than work to me.” Beth’s cheeks heated at Anita’s raised eyebrows and knowing grin. “It’s most certainly not a date. He needs a partner.” The defensiveness in her tone spoiled the dignified effect she’d aimed for. “We were good friends that summer, and we didn’t have the chance to say goodbye when they forced me to leave. One last evening to find closure, that’s all. There’s no hope for a relationship. We’re far too different.”

36

Autumn Macarthur

Anita wouldn’t understand if she told her the real reason they could never be a couple. No-one who hadn’t been on the receiving end of contempt and snobbishness could. And she preferred not to disclose just how bad her background was, even to her best friend. “Right.” Anita’s disbelief was obvious. She looked across to the escalators. “Everything comes when it’s talked about, as my old Irish Grannie would say. And I have a customer interested in my fine toasters, too. I’ll leave you love birds alone.” With a grin and a totally unnecessary wink, she sashayed back to her own department. Beth took one peek at James striding toward her, a determined but shy smile on his face, and hurried behind her counter. The extra security it gave her helped. Something to lean on, and a chance to hide her wobbling legs. No point raising a hand to her hair, despite her unaccustomed urge to primp. With the grey hairspray in it again, it was sure to be a mess. The mere sight of him, in faded jeans and with a knit shirt covering what was surely far more muscle than any physicist needed, shook her to the core. Dear Lord, help me. I can’t respond this way to James. I mustn’t. She couldn’t help the little jump her heart gave when his smile broadened as their eyes met. His masculine presence and the subtle scent of his aftershave fluttered her far more than it ought to as he placed his hands on the counter between them. Nothing wrong with returning his smile, but her unruly senses ignored her stern order to behave. “Hello Beth. How’s my favourite ghoul?” An eye roll was the best reply to his terrible pun. That her voice would probably quaver had nothing to do with it. “Don’t worry, I won’t stay long.” Even behind his glasses, those long eyelashes of his should be illegal. “I assume you’re here for Imogen’s present?”

THE WEDDING LIST

37

Somehow, the words came out far more strong and confident than she expected. His bewildered frown suggested he’d forgotten it again and wasn’t here for it at all. “Um, yes, of course. The present.” Then he smiled that heart-fluttering smile. “You know full well I didn’t remember. I wanted to check what time you could finish up here tonight. Yesterday you said you left at six thirty, but I calculate we need to be in the cab by six fifteen to be sure of making it there in time.” Her face crunched up. All this excitement and anxiety about the wedding, and she just realised she’d forgotten to ask Cara if she’d come to this department first when she did her rounds. James made a powerful distraction. A tentative expression filled his eyes as his smile faltered. “You are still coming to the wedding? You haven’t changed your mind?” “I said I would and I will. But I forgot to tell my supervisor I needed to leave early.” The unsure look on his face hurt to see. On impulse, she reached a hand out to reassure him it was a mistake and not intentional. But when her fingertips touched his arm, warmth flooded her. As if he’d burned it, her hand jerked away. Seemed her senses were more susceptible to him now than at sixteen, not less. He recoiled too, stuffing his hand into his jeans pocket. Had the same heat coursed up his arm, too, or was it only that her over-reaction startled him? Neither of them were love-struck teenagers anymore. They’d been too careful and too shy to so much as hold hands back then. “I’ll ask Cara now. It shouldn’t be a problem to get away a little earlier. Maybe not right on six fifteen, but as near as I can

38

Autumn Macarthur

get. And how about I keep the present here and bring it with me? Less chance of it getting left behind.” Gabbling her words to hide the way he rocked her emotions, she had no idea how she’d survive a whole evening with him. “That sounds a good plan.” He glanced at his watch. “I’d better get back to the lab. See you later.” His parting smile looked a lot less false than hers had felt. As he walked back to the escalators, his broad shoulders attracted her gaze like a magnet. Lord, why did You make him so handsome? I’m not worried about Imogen any more. I’m worried about getting through tonight without falling for him again. The afternoon seemed to zip by in a moment and drag endlessly, both at once. No doubt James would give a complicated physicist’s explanation for it that would go way over her head, starting with General Relativity and ending up in Quantum Mechanics and String Theory. All Beth knew was that far too soon, she was hurrying up the stairs to meet James, with Imogen’s present clutched to her chest. It wasn’t just the stairs making her pulse race as she pushed open the heavy green door and saw him waiting, back in his Thunderbirds costume, a black cab ready at the kerb. “Sorry I’m late. The takings wouldn’t add up right.” It wasn’t just the rush to get there making her voice annoyingly breathless, either. His joyous welcoming smile flipped her tummy right over. Those pesky doubt crows transformed into hummingbirds. The mere touch of his hand on her elbow as he opened the cab door for her and helped her in had her knees weak and her head spinning. Suddenly shy and unable to catch her breath again, scooting to the far corner of the wide back seat to put as much space as possible between them seemed the best policy. For extra

THE WEDDING LIST

39

protection, the big gift box stayed firmly beside her on the bench seat, instead of on the seat in front. But when she snuck a glance toward him, he was looking at her too, his eyes warm and steady. Their gaze met, and clung. Her chest was so full it might burst. He reached a hand across the space dividing them, a hopeful smile curving his lips. Not wise to touch him again. This evening was business, and closure, right? But something in her whispered to meet him half way. Almost as if it had a mind of its own, her hand lifted to rest on the box. Instead of simply holding her hand, he laced his fingers between hers, and his thumb slowly stroked the back of her hand. Her cheeks heated, and far more than her fingers trembled at the warmth of his touch. Such a simple, innocent caress to cause such a strong reaction. But like a bell ringing clear and sweet and true, the connection between them felt right. Nothing had changed. No overnight miracle turned her into the type of girl he deserved. Common sense nagged her to pull her hand away and keep a sensible distance. But she had to trust that God had given her this gift of an evening for a reason. Her hand stayed where it was. In his. Right where it seemed to belong.

Chapter 5 Something intense and electric passed between them in the dimly lit cab. James stared across at Beth, and squeezed her capable little hand as it rested in his, on top of the gift package she’d so carefully wrapped. Perhaps he hadn’t needed to worry so much about the way she’d pulled back like he was poison in the store. Or the way she’d barely met his eyes at first, then slid as far away as she could across the cab’s wide seat. Those worries receded after seeing the glow in her brown eyes. Hard though it was to believe she’d care for him, it seemed perhaps she did. Even her glancing away wasn’t cause for concern. Not when a smile curved her sweet lips, and the ghastly grey make-up she wore couldn’t hide her betraying blush. It was the blush that did it for him. An idiot grin spread across his face in response, as something in his chest swelled in a way that was quite incompatible with all known cardiac physiology. Incompatible or not, it happened. Meeting Beth again outshone even today’s email from Cambridge, with its strong hints that they’d soon be making the job offer he’d coveted since his high school days back in Massachusetts. There were plenty of other professorships. There was only one Beth. None of his accomplishments measured to this moment. Her ugly outfit, the disfiguring make-up, and the grey powder dusting her chestnut hair didn’t dim her beauty one bit. She’d

THE WEDDING LIST

41

always been the loveliest girl he’d ever known. With a lovely mind too. No woman he’d met since their summer together had matched her intelligence, insight, and understanding. Forget neurobiology and hormones. His response to her was way more than a mere physiological reaction. Like quantum entanglement, hard to explain. But God was bigger than science. Convincing her to partner him for the wedding hadn’t been too difficult after all. Perhaps in time, convincing her to partner him for life would be easy, too. Not that he’d push his chances. At least she hadn’t pulled her hand away yet. “I’m surprised at Imogen having a themed wedding, especially Halloween,” Beth said, breaking the silence that stretched between them. “Unexpected, isn’t it. Hugo, the groom, seems a nice chap, I’ve met him a couple of times. He’s designed some sort of roleplaying alternate universe game, one that involves dressing up in costumes. I supposed it was to do with that.” He smiled. “They’re getting married inside Tower Bridge. Lots of gothic atmosphere and steam driven machinery, apparently.” Beth raised her eyebrows. “I’d have thought Westminster Abbey was more her style.” “I hear she tried for the Abbey, but even she couldn’t pull the right strings to make it happen.” He laughed, but Beth didn’t. “Not getting her way must have been a new experience for her.” The bitterness tingeing her voice didn’t surprise him. “I know for sure she didn't get her own way at least once before. She’s marrying Hugo.” A cryptic answer to Beth’s comment, but she was smart enough to figure what he meant without explanations.

42

Autumn Macarthur

Anger still burned in his own gut over how Immy had treated Beth. Openly triumphant at getting Beth sent away from Tetherton Hall, she’d made no secret that she’d seen the younger girl as a rival. His temper normally stayed well-controlled, but he’d lost it over that. Satisfying as telling Immy he’d never marry her had been, it hadn't helped bring Beth back, or helped persuade Beth’s aunt to pass over her contact information. She’d disappeared as completely as particles in quantum foam, winking out of his existence. Until yesterday. Thank You Lord for this miracle. “Will you be okay with seeing her again?” he asked. “I’m not the doormat I was at sixteen. What happened ten years ago is ancient history.” Beth’s lips pursed and her hand quivered in his grip. His fingers tightened on hers. “I hope not all that happened ten years ago is ancient history.” A little shy and tentative, her eyes lifted to his. Once again their gaze held and that connection he’d never experienced with anyone but her passed between them. “Not all of it, no.” No harm assuming she meant the parts of their shared history he wanted her to, the part about them, the kindredness of spirit they’d felt. “That’s good news.” But an old line echoed in his mind — ‘Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it’. Lord, help us learn what we need to learn to make things work out differently this time. I don’t want to lose Beth again. “Don’t worry about Immy,” he said. “I doubt she’ll say anything to you. Tonight may be all about her, but this is a new beginning for us, as well.” “It’s okay.” Her words said one thing, but her voice sounded small and choked, barely audible over the traffic noise around

THE WEDDING LIST

43

them. She looked away, her hand dragging ever so slight, as if she were trying to tug it from his grasp. Was it the thought of Immy or the mention of there being an us that bothered her? He held on for a fraction of a second, then let her hand go, resting his beside it instead. If she didn’t want to be held, he wouldn’t hold her. As soon as he let go, her fingers stretched out to meet his, interlocking once again. Perhaps knowing he’d let go if she wanted was all she needed. But she didn’t meet his gaze again, looking down toward her knees, where her other hand fiddled with a fake blood stain on her dirty white gown. “I’m sorry if I’m going too fast for you. But I don’t want to play games. Some things are too important for that.” One big lesson from their history — tell her how he felt. Not something he had practice in. Mother and Dad hardly acknowledged feelings existed, let alone encouraged talking about them. He and Beth had been so young. Especially Beth. He’d been half-way through his degree, and she hadn’t even started Sixth Form. It seemed too soon to ask for more than friendship. Especially when he had no data from his past experience to suggest anyone would care for him. Him, not the heir to the Tetherton-Hart lineage. Perhaps if he’d spoken ten years ago, before he went away for that weekend, she would have been more sure of herself. Less likely to believe Immy’s ridiculous lies, or the idea she wasn’t good enough for him. Beth said nothing. This time she pulled her hand right away, leaving his cold and empty. Time to slow things down. Scaring her off wasn’t part of his plan. He’d let go for now, if that was what she needed. But he wouldn’t let go of her forever. Not this time.

44

Autumn Macarthur

He looked out the window. Though being in the cab with Beth suited him fine, the trip seemed to be taking forever. Still on Park Lane. Cars and buses choked the wide road. London traffic was notoriously slow, but they’d made far less progress than he’d expected they would. Checking his phone, he confirmed the route he’d mapped earlier. So much for trying to be organized. His mistake had been to believe the time the mapping program said the journey needed when he’d asked it at two pm on Thursday. Now, in Friday rush hour, it could be over three times as long. They’d be late to the wedding, for sure. The cab stopped at a red light. He tapped on the glass window separating them from the driver, and opened it. Bad timing. As the window slid open, the cabbie leaned hard on his horn at the cyclist shooting across against a red light in front of them. He let loose a stream of bad language fit to make a sailor’s parrot blush. The driver turned back and threw Beth an apologetic glance. “Sorry, luv. Cyclists. Think the road rules don’t apply to them.” She gave a half-smile and shrugged. “What can I do you for?” the cabbie asked. “We need to be at Tower Bridge by seven. Can we make it?” The driver guffawed, like it was the best joke he’d heard all day. “Twenty minutes? Only if this cab grows wings and flies there. Not a chance.” “Do your best, please. We’re going to a wedding.” The driver laughed again. “Hope you’re not the best man.” He tapped his sat nav. “Traffic’s heavy all the way there. I’ll nip through Green Park and past Buck Palace, but no guarantees.” The light turned orange, the partition window slammed shut, and the taxi started rolling before the lights changed to green.

THE WEDDING LIST

45

Beth frowned, her hands clenched in her lap. “I’m sorry. This is my fault. If you hadn’t waited for me, you’d already be there. We’ll have to sneak in quietly and hope no-one notices.” He reached across the parcel to cover both her small hands with one of his. “Right now, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than stuck in a London traffic jam with you.” He wasn’t being polite. He meant it. And please God, he hoped that she’d believe it.

Chapter 6 If the traffic settled to a complete gridlock, Beth wouldn’t mind a bit. The closer they got to Tower Bridge, the more tense and jittery she became. In the cab, they were in their own little world. In that world, anything was possible. She could believe that the only thing that mattered was the sensation of James’s hand on hers, the strange mix of comforting strength and captivating tingle that trembled up her arm. And she could believe that the soft unfocused warmth in his gaze really did mean that he hadn’t forgotten her, and not that he was barely able to see through his costume glasses. For now, she could believe that everything she hoped for was true. Once they stepped out of the cab, that would change. They’d be back in the real world. The world where a brilliant physicist, whose mother was the daughter of a viscount and whose father was a multi-millionaire, would never fall in love with a shop assistant from a run-down council estate in Stevenage. Desperate for a partner, he might ask her to a wedding, but marry her? Never. If they were crazy enough to try, his family and friends wouldn’t just look down on her, but on him too. In his world, having the wrong wife would damage his career. Too many people still cared as much about ‘being the right sort’ as they did about the originality of James’s research. If his brilliant mind came secondary to all that, what did she have to offer?

THE WEDDING LIST

47

Worse, he didn’t give any sign of recognising the potential problems. He’d tell her those beliefs were old-fashioned, that people didn’t think that way any more. But they did. The bullies at school had told her so. Her aunt and his mother and Imogen had told her so. Even church had told her. She’d sung every verse of ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’ often enough on Sundays. People like her should know their place. And that place was not falling in love with James Tetherton-Hart. Not the first time. Not now. When she’d fled home from her summer job at Tetherton Hall at sixteen with a broken heart, her parents convinced her to give up hoping for more, telling her that would only make her unhappy. They’d talked her into giving up the private school scholarship she’d worked so hard for, and getting a job instead. Her parents loved her, but they didn’t understand her, any more than Aunt Alice did. What none of them understood was that the connection, the sense of being truly seen and understood, only happened with James. They belonged together, in every way. Except the gulf between their education, wealth, and background. And that was enough to keep them apart. She pulled her hands out from under his, folded them tightly in her lap, and stared out the window, barely registering the glittering London landmarks they passed, until the cab pulled up at Tower Bridge. A huge sigh escaped her. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” The worry in his words echoed in his hazel eyes. “I’m fine.” Her voice wobbled, betraying her. He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have pressured you into this. Immy probably won’t even notice I’m there, let alone if I’m on

48

Autumn Macarthur

my own.” He smiled. “I was probably invited to rub my nose in the fact she’s getting married and I’m not. The ‘look what you missed out on’ revenge theory.” Teenage James wouldn’t have been capable of such a cynical thought. But that sounded exactly what Imogen would do. Sucking in a deep breath, she silently whispered a prayer for guidance. Being with James again felt such a gift from God. But what if it risked messing up not just his evening, but his life? The sudden and unexpected conviction that she was where she was supposed to be washed over her like a blessing. Her fear drained away, leaving only an effervescent delight at his company. “No, I’m fine. You didn’t pressure me at all. I agreed to come. Momentary collywobbles, that’s all. Let’s do it!” His grin was reward enough. He paid the cabbie, picked up the present, and grabbed her hand. Laughing like two school kids, they ran through the entrance doors. Security slowed them for a minute, then they were in the lift carrying them up the North Tower. They stepped out into the foyer, and hesitated outside the huge arched white doors. Closed doors, suggesting the ceremony was already in progress. James peered at his watch. “We’re very late,” he whispered. “Maybe we can slip into the room, and no-one will see us. Or we can go wait in the room they’re using for the reception instead.” Her voice rose hopefully, begging him to please choose option B. His eyelids scrunched up in thought for a moment, and he shook his head. “I ought to try to be there for the ceremony.” He smiled. “We may not have missed much. Immy was probably late too. Dreadfully unpunctual. And isn’t it traditional that brides are late?” He pushed on the door, and it opened without any audible creaks. Someone must keep those massive iron hinges well oiled.

THE WEDDING LIST

49

So far so good. No-one seemed to notice them as they edged into the room. Everyone’s attention was on the bride and groom. The couple stood perfectly framed in front of a floor to ceiling diamond paned window, as the grey-coiffed female celebrant solemnly intoned the importance of the civil marriage contract. Beth blinked at Imogen’s choice of red and black for her wedding dress, but tried to be charitable. The room made the perfect dramatic setting to complement their steampunk costumes. High beamed ceilings, that spectacular gothic window, chairs swathed with white muslin and tied with wide black ribbons. She spotted two empty seats, on the far side of the room and pointed them out to James. Then she spotted something else that made her joy evaporate and her stomach drop. Not a person in the room was wearing Halloween outfits, apart from her and James. Most wore elegant clothes suitable for an occasion, apart from a few guests in elaborate and formal Victorian outfits. So much for blending in and going unnoticed. Drawing hard on the memory of the certainty she’d felt in the cab bolstered her courage. Not much, but enough to keep going. James appeared oblivious, interested only in sneaking to the seats without anyone seeing them. It might have worked too, if he hadn’t tangled a foot in the trailing ribbons of the seat in front. Just as the celebrant paused after asking if anyone present knew any lawful impediment to the marriage, James tripped forward, over-corrected backward with arms flailing for balance, and sent the gift wrapped wedding present flying back over his head. Her schoolgirl soccer playing skills took over. With an instinctive diving save a World Cup goalkeeper would be proud

50

Autumn Macarthur

of, she caught the present in her outstretched hands the instant before it smashed on the floor. But too late, she discovered that stopping after a dive save on a polished wooden floor in a slippery polyester dress didn’t work quite the way it did on a grass football pitch. Momentum kept her sliding, right toward the spindly legs of a table supporting an enormous floral display. Helpless to prevent an inevitable crash, she scrunched her eyes tight shut. It was going to be loud, it was going to be messy, and it was going to be very, very embarrassing. It never happened. Strong hands grabbed her around her waist and held on tight, and a heavy weight pressed her legs to the floor. Skidding to a halt, her outstretched hands still clutching the parcel almost touched one of the table’s delicate legs. She put the present on the floor, raised herself on her arms, and swivelled her head to look behind her. James lay along her legs, his big hands gripping her hips, in a dive save of his own. He raised his head, chuckled, and beamed his adorable lopsided smile. “Rugby,” he panted. “Learned how to tackle.” Grinning back was too much to resist. But her “Shhh” came too late. As they untangled themselves, rolled over, and sat up, everyone turned to stare at them, instead of the bride and groom. If something like this happened in a TV sit com or a farce, she’d have laughed and thought it unbelievable. Yet here it was happening to her, in real life. In real life, it wasn’t the least bit funny. Humiliation swept over her in flames, impossibly hot, sucking the air out of her lungs and leaving her lightheaded and dizzy. No matter how nasty Imogen had been in the past, Beth would never have deliberately done this. Disrupting a bride’s special moment, even a bridezilla’s, ranked as unforgiveable.

THE WEDDING LIST

51

Unsurprisingly, Imogen glared as if homicide was too easy a revenge. Things couldn’t get any worse. Then Beth realised, they could. Not only had they ruined Imogen’s night, this might ruin her job. Her whole career depended on attracting the right sort of brides and keeping them happy. And here she was, looking a wreck, in a ridiculous costume, trashing the ceremony of a society bride. Her dreams of that sweet little home of her own and the chance to study in peace shrivelled and disappeared. She wished she could disappear, too. James, who she’d expected to be just as mortified, merely stood, straightened his sky blue Brains jacket, and reached down to help her scramble to her feet. He turned to wave in Imogen’s direction. His cheery, “So sorry, do carry on,” didn’t sound nearly sorry enough to satisfy the bride, whose dagger eyed scowl suggested plans for a slow painful torture for them both. The groom gave the appearance of a man who wanted to laugh, but knew it was more than his life was worth to do it. He kept a straight face, and held onto Imogen’s arm like a man holding a Rottweiler’s leash. The celebrant, too, appeared to be stifling a grin, at odds with her headmistressy manner. “Once you both sit down, and I can be sure you won’t cause any further interruptions, I will.” Beth nodded, and scurried toward the empty seats, dragging James behind her. As soon as they sat, she let go of his hand, shrinking into her chair, careful not to touch him. It was crazy, the logic of a two year old, but perhaps if Imogen didn’t see her, she’d stop being angry with them. The celebrant resumed where she’d left off. “I’ll ask again. If any person present knows of any legal reason why these two people should not be joined in matrimony they should declare it now.”

52

Autumn Macarthur

Beth didn’t dare to let even a breath disturb the hush of the room. James sat tall and solid beside her, as if nothing serious had happened. He took hold of her hand and squeezed gently. She peeked up at him, smiling down at her, his eyes alight with humour and affection. Reassurance, comfort, and warmth flowed from his firm touch. Maybe things weren’t so bad, after all.

Chapter 7 James’s instant adrenaline response was to run, but that risked adding insult to injury for the already furious bride. Everyone knew he became clumsy and awkward the second he left his research lab, but he’d never before managed to disrupt anyone’s wedding. Beth’s hunched posture and flaming cheeks suggested she wanted to become invisible, every bit as much as he did. For her sake, he had to stay strong and brazen it out. Her sweet gentleness wasn’t any match for Immy. Even without their history, the bride would be out for revenge after they’d taken the spotlight off her on her big day. Now, she’d probably be ready to kill. Without his glasses, he hadn’t been able to make out Immy’s expression, but chances were, it hadn’t been pretty. She should be glad. Beth saved her gift, after all. Of course, Immy wouldn’t see it that way. And he wondered if Hugo, the groom, had any idea what he was letting himself in for. Marriage should be a lot more than dressing up in costumes and standing in front of an audience repeating lines. Or he hoped it could be. His parents’ marriage wasn’t anything to go by. They were rarely in the same country, let alone the same room. He’d seen them only a few times a year. Not the sort of marriage or family life he wanted. Immy or any of the other well-bred girls his mother had thrown at him weren’t the sort he wanted for a wife, either.

54

Autumn Macarthur

There’d only ever been one girl he’d wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He edged his chair a little closer to Beth, so his knee touched hers. When she’d had time off from her housemaiding duties, they’d sat together reading like that at Tetherton Hall. Praying she’d know God’s protection and comfort, praying that she felt the same for him as he felt for her, he took her hand. Hopefully, she’d sense his support and encouragement. She didn’t pull away, as he’d feared she might. Instead, she leaned into him a little, as if seeking more reassurance. The places where they touched seemed so much more alive than anywhere else in his body. Each individual sensory nerve ending fired off its electrical impulse, shooting along the axon to his brain. He didn’t bother watching Immy and Hugo at the front of the room. He couldn’t take his gaze off Beth. She did the same, looking up at him, lips parted, something hopeful and yearning in her eyes that he’d missed seeing in the years they’d been apart. Even through her make-up, a soft blush replaced the shocked pallor in her cheeks. His head knew the blush was nothing but localised vasodilation, a reflex autonomic reaction to a stimulus. But his heart knew she reacted to him, to his nearness, to his touch. Once again, it did that completely impossible flipping over in his chest thing. The registrar continued with the ceremony, her clear voice echoing around the room. “Marriage is the union of one man and one woman, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others. But further, it is also a solemn union to provide love, friendship, help and comfort, both in times of joy and in times of difficulty, not to be entered into lightly nor lightly to be put aside.” He wanted his marriage to be all of that. For love. And for life.

THE WEDDING LIST

55

Not because their mothers decided it as schoolgirls together. Or because his great-grandfather was an earl. Or because his wife wanted the unlimited supply of designer shoes and handbags his father’s money would buy her. Those weren’t good enough reasons to commit to staying together for life. He wanted a real marriage. A loving marriage blessed by God. A line from the ceremony at the last wedding he’d attended came into his mind. ‘God is love, and those who live in love live in God and God lives in them.’ He wanted to live in love. And he wanted that life of love with Beth. No-one else. It had always been Beth. It would always be Beth. The glow in her clear brown eyes seemed like a promise. He let go of her hand, but only to slowly and carefully slip his arm around her shoulder and draw her closer. At first, she looked away and her shoulders stiffened beneath his arm. Ready to draw back, he lifted it, though gravitational attraction as strong as Jupiter’s pulled it to her. He’d more than half expected that putting his arm around her would be too much and she’d jerk away, but that didn’t stop disappointment seeping through him. Now, he wished he really did have a way to dematerialise. Sure, he felt bad about disrupting the wedding, but he felt far worse about making Beth uncomfortable and pushing himself on her. Then she surprised him by nestling in against him, tucking her shoulder under his arm and resting her head against him. A grin cracked his face as he lowered his arm to rest on her again, and the warm delight of holding her flowed into him. The pounding of his heartbeat in his ears blocked out every word the marriage celebrant said.

56

Autumn Macarthur

Funny how much easier it was to predict the behaviour of a specific molecule in a complex system than predict Beth’s reaction to him. Of course, it could simply be a defensive manoeuvre on her part. Snuggled down that way, she hid herself nicely from the view of anyone at the front of the room. Anyone like an angry bride out for real blood, not the fake blood that decorated Beth’s outfit, for example. But that didn’t feel like her only reason. It might be illogical, but it seemed Beth was exactly where they both wanted her to be. He gave up trying to figure it out and simply enjoyed the experience. When she suddenly pulled away from him and stood up it left him cold and bereft. “The vows, we need to stand,” she whispered. He stood too fast, bumping his chair backward with a loud scrape. Beth cringed beside him. “Sorry,” he mouthed. He turned to check the guests on his other side, praying they were watching Immy and Hugo and not at him and Beth. Thankfully, the middle-aged couple gazed ahead, exactly where they should. But he noticed something he hadn’t noticed before. They looked to be wearing perfectly normal wedding guest style clothing. No Halloween outfits. They mustn’t have realised it was required, or hadn’t bothered. He peered across the aisle, then at the backs of the people in front. His eyesight without his glasses was bad, but not bad enough he couldn’t see the glaringly obvious when he looked for it. Noone else wore anything out of the ordinary for a wedding. Yet Immy certainly told him to wear fancy dress.

THE WEDDING LIST

57

Fancy dress in the British sense of a theme costume, not fancy dress in the American sense of wearing one’s best. Taking off the big glasses that were part of the outfit but made it even harder to see, he pulled the wedding invitation from his pocket, and squinted until the letters came into focus. He hadn’t been confused. There, clearly written on the heavy engraved card in Immy’s unmistakable spiky hand-writing. Halloween fancy dress mandatory. ‘Mandatory’ underlined for extra emphasis. Looked as if Immy had set him up with the unexpected invitation. Hard to believe, but it seemed she’d had her petty revenge for the past planned all along. It wouldn’t work on him. He’d shrug it off. A reputation as an eccentric scientist came in handy sometimes. But he wasn’t alone. Beth made an irresistible and unexpected bonus target for Immy. Only one thing to do. As soon as the ceremony ended, he had to get Beth out of there and out of Immy’s firing range. He looked down at her sweet face as she stood beside him, staring straight ahead at Hugo and Immy as they made their promises of commitment. His job was to protect the woman he loved.

Chapter 8 Beth should regret her decision to come to the wedding. The evening could easily rank as one of the worst of her life. They were the only ones in the room in Halloween outfits. She’d publicly shamed herself in front of the people she most needed to impress. Imogen would be out for her blood. And being so close to James had her emotions running riot. The way he made her tremble and her pulse pound in her throat scared her more than the thought of what Imogen might do as revenge. But those sensations were the very things that made it impossible to regret being here. When he’d put his arm around her as the celebrant spoke about the meaning of marriage, an inner battle raged — struggle or surrender. Choosing surrender felt right. Being close to him was the closest thing she’d ever known to having a home. His nearness made focusing on the ceremony almost impossible. The bride and groom recited their wedding vows, but their voices faded from her awareness. They might as well be reciting times tables. James captured far more of her attention. Her gaze traced the strong line of his jaw and his firm lips, the way she wished her fingers could. Forget Imogen. Forget her embarrassment.

THE WEDDING LIST

59

And for a couple of hours, forget the vast chasm dividing them. Treat this evening with him as the blessing it was, an unexpected gift from God that wouldn’t be repeated. As if he sensed her stare, he turned and met her eyes. Smiling a smile that warmed her right through, he handed her the card he held. She dragged her gaze away from him to read it. The wedding invitation, an expensive engraved one. No mistaking the handwritten instruction to wear costume. Forgive and forget hadn’t been in Imogen’s vocabulary ten years ago, and this suggested it wasn’t now, either. The older girl had once been so certain that no-one else but her would be Mrs Tetherton-Hart. A prank like this was childish, even for Immy. Much of the guilt weighing on Beth for disrupting the ceremony evaporated. The bride must have planned to embarrass James and whoever accompanied him. They’d simply have to be impossible to embarrass. James was far too kind to say anything to Imogen despite her trick, and the last thing Beth wanted was any sort of confrontation. Handing the invitation back, her fingers brushed his, and her breath caught. Something sang between them, sweet yet indefinable, like distant music. He bent a little to slide the card into his pocket, and his sandy hair flopped forward. The endearing little boy look it gave him was adorable, something he’d keep even when he was ninety. Still, her hand itched to reach out and sweep back that silky softness so nothing blocked her view of his face. “I’m happy to pronounce you husband and wife.” The celebrant’s triumphant tones startled Beth from her focus on James.

60

Autumn Macarthur

“Ladies and gentlemen, this concludes the marriage ceremony. Please be seated for the signing of the Register.” Imogen and her husband moved to the table behind them, and bent their heads to the large book there. “Now’s our chance,” James whispered. Instead of sitting, he bent double, hidden behind the seated guests. “Out the door while we can!” Quicker than he’d been to sit, she froze in her chair. Surely running away would make things worse. On the other hand, facing the wrath of Imogen wasn’t appealing. Beth inched to a crouch, and stayed hunched over as they crept to the back of the room. James edged the door open just enough for her to slip through, and then followed her into the foyer. As soon as the door closed behind them, they collapsed against each other. His arms came up, gently holding her. Together, they shook with stifled laughter. Being in his arms was so good, so right. No, too good. Too right. Too much like something she shouldn’t let happen. Allowing herself to enjoy an evening in James’ company was one thing. Falling back in love was something else again. God wanted her to trust Him, but this was too much. She pulled away, forcing her giggles under control and holding up a hand in a stop sign. “I feel bad about this. We did interrupt her wedding, after all.” James raised his eyes to the ceiling in a Lord-give-me-patience expression, and tugged at the edge of his jacket. “I’m very sorry we disrupted the ceremony, but do you truly think you owe Immy anything? What did she expect would happen by asking just one guest to dress in Halloween costume.” “Not for the guest to arrive late and throw her gift around right at a crucial part of the proceedings, I’m guessing.”

THE WEDDING LIST

61

He smiled and touched her cheek. The mere brush of a finger sent tremors through her. “Please don’t change. I’ve always loved that sweetness of yours.” “James —” He stilled her protests with a finger against her lips. “Come with me.” Grabbing her hand, he led her to a door next to the lift, opening it and stepping through. “I checked the fire plan in the entrance. We should be able to get up to the high level walkways from here.” Her steps faltered on the threshold. “Are you sure?” The door opened onto steeply winding stairs. “I don’t think we’re breaking any rules.” He smiled, tilting his head to one side. “Okay, I don’t know that for sure, but the door opened and there’s no sign telling us not to. And what’s the worst that can happen? Either the door at the top won’t open from the outside and we’ll have to walk back down again, or we’ll crash someone else’s wedding and need to reverse very quickly.” “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. We’ve caused enough trouble for one evening already.” She couldn’t tell him the real reason she didn’t want to do it. Admitting her terror of heights shamed her. Another thing they’d ridiculed her for at school. He grinned at her and tugged her toward the landing. “I doubt they’d have two weddings on the same night. And think of the best case scenario. We not only escape Immy, we get to see one of the most spectacular views in the world.” Still she held back. Just the sight of those precipitous stairs had her knees wobbling and her stomach lurching. “Be adventurous, Beth.” Movement sounded from the other side of the doors they’d just escaped through, the ones to the ceremony room. Imogen or Hugo or another guest could come out at any moment. That decided her. The only way was up.

62

Autumn Macarthur

Besides, it was long past time to stop letting silly fears and things that happened years ago run her life. Her step onto the landing was a chance to do that. The door closed behind her with a quiet click, echoing on the empty stairwell. The click held a finality, as if with her decision, they’d passed into a different world. Like an enthusiastic Labrador, James tugged on her hand, seeming ready to race up the stairs. Impossible for her to do that. If James was an excited puppy, she’d be the kitten up a tree, too scared to climb back down. She forced a smile. “You go on up. I’ll take my time.” Already half a flight ahead, he turned to peer at her intently. Something in her voice must have given her away. Okay, so the intensity of his gaze was most probably more to do with struggling to focus at this distance in the dimly lit stairwell. It still made her heart race way faster than the fear did. Her pasted-on smile might have fooled him without his glasses, but her white knuckled death grip on the railing probably glowed in the dark. Even James noticed that. The questioning expression on his face softened into concern, and he bounded down to her two steps at a time. “I’m so sorry, Beth. I didn’t realise. You don’t like heights, do you?” Her teeth sank into her upper lip. Admitting this weakness wouldn’t make James think less of her. He wouldn’t use it as a weapon, the way the schoolgirl bullies had. Slowly, she shook her head. The gentle and comforting hand he placed on her arm quivered her with emotion. Ten years ago, he’d been the kindest and calmest person in her world. Nothing he’d done since they met again had changed her opinion. “We’ll go back.” He smiled. “It’s okay to tell me no. I won’t throw a tantrum if I don’t get my own way, you know.”

THE WEDDING LIST

63

Relief at escaping the climb buoyed her spirits enough to almost float her to the top of the stairs. Almost, but not quite. Cautiously releasing her grasp on the stair rail, she turned back the way they’d come. But the hum of voices seeping through the heavy fire door stopped her. “I’m not sure what I’m most afraid of now. Facing Imogen and her guests, or facing the stairs.” Her voice pitched low. If they heard the people in the foyer, those people could probably hear them, as well. “Your choice,” James said, equally quiet. “I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to. I’m just sorry I put you in this situation.” “Don’t be. I chose to come here with you.” She closed her eyes for a second, then opened them with a smile. “And now, I choose the walkways and that view you promised me.” Before he tried to talk her out of it, she moved to the stairs, grabbed the railing, and managed two steps before miserable fear froze her in place. Jesus, help me, please! James was at her side, an instant answer to her silent prayer. “Take my arm. I’ll be beside you every step of the way.” Her free hand took the arm he offered, and his other arm came around her, lightly holding her waist. Even through her numbing fear, his touch tingled gently. Pulses galloping, shaking all over, she ventured one more step, then another. Though one hand still clung to the rail, his warm strong arm gave her far more confidence and support than the cold unyielding iron. By the next flight of stairs, her grip on the rail loosened. It seemed far safer to lean on him. Slowly, step by step, he helped her climb to the top. Elation bubbled up, fizzy as home-made elderflower champagne.

64

Autumn Macarthur

She’d done it. With James’ help. Looking into his eyes at the top of those impossibly steep stairs, her heart swelled and a wave of warmth swept over her. The love she’d had for him at sixteen year old hadn’t ever left her. James was her first love. She wanted him to be her last love. Her only love. But that tide of love mustn’t sweep her away, despite the longing, despite her barely controlled impulse to throw her arms around him. They had no more hope of a future together now than they’d had in their teens. Climbing the stairs was easy compared to climbing high enough to fit into his world. And she had no idea how he really felt or what he wanted from her. For all he seemed to care something for her, she’d thought he did ten years ago, too. Surely, if he cared, he would have contacted her. Hoping anything different was just wishful thinking. She’d just have to be on her guard, make sure she didn’t embarrass herself any further by letting her feelings for him show. But her heart still couldn’t help wishing and hoping.

Chapter 9 James wanted to hug Beth, to celebrate what she’d done conquering her fear, but held back. Every fibre of his being told him that she still cared for him, but she couldn’t be rushed. He’d been nineteen, the summer she’d worked at Tetherton Hall, and even then he’d felt a sense of rightness. That God created them for each other. Ten years passing had only strengthened that. Yet she’d left without a goodbye, without a backwards glance. Maybe this was nothing more than the infatuation of meeting up again with your first love. Beth stared up at him for a long moment, as they stood close together on a small landing, opening onto the last few broad, easy stairs. Even an obtuse scientist like him could recognise the conflict playing out on her face. It was there, in her doubting eyes, her creased forehead, her pursed lips. And in her body, the tension that yearned toward him and pulled away from him both at once. The way an electron was pushed away from the atom’s nucleus by its own electrostatic charge, but pulled back toward it at the same time, endlessly circling. A simplistic model, but no-one had disproved it yet. Just as nothing he saw disproved his hope Beth cared for him. He wished he was as certain of that as he was of God’s love and the existence of sub-atomic particles. No doubt about either of those, even if no-one knew exactly how they worked or could literally prove them.

66

Autumn Macarthur

But he prayed he was right about her, and the problem was less that she didn’t care and more that something had her unwilling to let go and trust her emotions. Unwilling to trust him either, though she’d clung to him like a lifeline a minute before. Surely it she didn’t still think the nonsense Immy told her to drive her away was true? The lies about her not being good enough for him? No-one but people like Immy and his mother subscribed to that trashy elitist view. His sweet intelligent Beth wouldn’t believe that garbage or hold on to it for so long. Would she? It was better believing that than believing she didn’t care. “Beth —” Before he said more she rushed into speech. “Can’t hear anyone up there.” She spoke too fast and her smile became tight and strained. “Best not to crash another wedding. One’s enough for tonight.” He didn’t try to hold her. He had to trust, and stay patient. If God wanted them to be together, God would work on her fears. God would show him she cared. Though who knew? Everything he understood about love and relationships could easily fit onto the head of a pin. Probably he was doing it all wrong and pushing her away. The stairs opened into another high-ceilinged room with small paned gothic windows, similar to the room the ceremony took place in. Heavy iron girders studded with rivets criss-crossed it. An even narrower and more precipitous set of spiral stairs than the stairway they’d walked up rose from one corner. Beth glanced that direction and blanched. “We’re not going up there, are we?” Her voice shook, though he sensed she tried hard to control it.

THE WEDDING LIST

67

“No. We’ll save that for next time.” Smiling, he pointed out the signs at either end of the room showing the way to the walkways. “Thank God for that.” She rushed to stand under the big window. He tried to ignore the icy chill of loss as she moved away from him. Away from the stairs, not him. For all he knew scientists had a duty to seek truth and not comfort, tonight he’d choose comfort. He wanted to trust Beth would stay this time. There wasn’t any data to contradict his reassuring theory, anyway. So she’d left him before, just like his parents had? They’d disappeared without goodbyes too, carrying on their lives to suit themselves without considering how it affected him. That didn’t mean Beth would leave him again. “East or west, which should it be?” She tilted her head toward the opposing walkway entrances. “West. I’d like to see the Tower and St Paul’s Cathedral from up here.” But much as he wanted the view, he wanted her frightened less. “You don’t have to come onto the walkway.” He touched the big wooden bench seat next to the stairs. “Sit here. I’ll have a quick look, and then we’ll get you safely back down. Or I don’t need to go out there at all. I can come back another time.” She shook her head and turned toward the West Walkway. “No, I want to try. We’ve come this far. It’s a shame to waste a night time view like this.” “If you’re sure.” Her smile back at him seemed a little less forced this time. “I’m sure. It’s not heights quite as much as stairs that I have this silly fear of. Apparently I tumbled down the stairs at my grandmother’s when I was a baby, and since then, I’ve been afraid

68

Autumn Macarthur

of them, and heights too. So hard to break old beliefs. I decided things weren’t safe and that was that.” The same as she seemed to have decided not to let herself get close to him and that was that. There’d be a solution. It just needed discovering. She’d trusted him on the stairs and she was willing to try the walkway. That was enough for now. Returning her smile, and followed her to the entrance. Her brave footsteps faltered. He saw why. The walkway stretched away from them, unlit, with the glow filtering in from the external lighting providing the only illumination. In the shadowy dimness the construction looked flimsy. The twelve foot width appeared disproportionately narrow compared to the two hundred foot length. He perceived the geometric strength of the criss-crossing iron girders, but she probably focused on all the glass. Strong as steel, but appearing as insubstantial as nothing at all. Pouring reassurance into his smile, he ran a few steps forward and bounced around. “No movement at all. It’s as solid as the roadway below.” “A hundred and twenty feet below,” she read from the sign near the door, voice dry. “Why does knowing that not help? And the bridge roadway splits in half and opens up to let ships through.” “So this is even more solid.” He spread his arms wide, coming nowhere near touching the ironwork either side of the walkway, then reached a hand back to her. Cautious as a cat, she tiptoed onto the walkway as if it might collapse beneath her. The relief flooding her face after a few steps was almost comical, but he wouldn’t embarrass her by laughing. “Okay, you got me up here. Where’s the view you promised?”

THE WEDDING LIST

69

A chuckle escaped him at the mock gruffness in her voice. “We’ll get the best view from nearer the centre of the span.” He pointed along the walkway. “Think you can do it?” She nodded, but grabbed for his hand. The joined clasp warmed more than their hands. Warmth radiated out from his core, taking the chill off the cool autumn evening. Her hand trembled a little in his, but she smiled and stepped out. Slowly, letting her set the pace, they walked almost to the midpoint, where the crown ornamenting the outside of the bridge blocked the view. “Well done. I hope you agree it’s worth it.” Gently he put an arm around her waist and turned her to face out the western windows. Instead of pulling away as he’d feared, she let him leave his arm there. “It’s worth it,” she said. But she looked at him, not out the window. Laughing, he tapped on the glass in front of them, pointing to the view. No trace of sunset glow remained in the sky. That faded hours ago. One day, perhaps she’d let him bring her up here for sunset. But the night view was still spectacular. The Thames curved beneath them, not dark as he’d expected but shimmering with reflected light from the buildings lining the banks. Turning a little, he watched Beth’s expressive face. Her radiance as she stared entranced was a far more spectacular view than any London sight. She always had been and always would be the most beautiful thing in the world to him.

Chapter 10 Although Beth told herself she only nestled closer to James for warmth in the chill of the unheated walkway, her heart admitted it was more than that. The comfort of his embrace swaddled her like a cosy, familiar blanket. His steady breath and even heartbeat sang a sweet lullaby. Surely it wasn’t wrong to treat this evening as a gift from God. Allow herself to enjoy the sensation of his strong arm around her, even though nothing more would come of it. The metalwork of the bridge made the diamond shaped windows smaller, giving her no choice but to put her head nearer to his to see out. That was her excuse for letting her cheek almost touch his, anyway. The beauty of London glowing with light came off second best, compared to seeing those lights reflected in James’ eyes. The hum of distant traffic and the honk of a water ferry drifting up from the river below them didn’t compete with the music of his voice. The mingled American and oh-so-proper British accent she’d always loved. And breathing in his scent again was bliss after so long apart. The familiar tang of his subtle lime aftershave, the same one he’d used at nineteen. Excited as a schoolboy, he seemed oblivious to her, apart from that warm arm still solid against her back and his hand resting on her waist. All his attention focused on the view. His touch made it way harder for her to concentrate on it. London would still be there tomorrow. James, she only had for this one evening.

THE WEDDING LIST

71

Even so, she looked. The view was something they could share. No fear of the bridge height now. Not with James supporting her. Beneath and in front of them, the river shone bright in a rainbow of colours, reflecting the lights strung along the banks and on the moored ships and piers. The panorama stretching out either side of them took in everything from the modern City Hall on the south bank to the Gherkin on the north. St Paul’s spotlit dome, gleaming white and dominating the night skyline, drew her gaze most of all. “It’s beautiful.” A hint of shame coloured her smile. “I don’t know London as well as I should. I commute five days a week, but once work is done I go straight home most evenings. I’ve never been this far east on the river before.” James grinned. “Me neither. So no point asking you if the Tower of London is always lit blood red at night, or they’ve just done that for Halloween?” “No point at all. I always thought it was white, but I haven’t seen it at night.” Craning her neck gave a glimpse of the floodlit medieval towers on the far right. Not her fault that trying to see something so close to the bridge involved leaning back against James’ firm chest. “I see what you mean. Creepy.” She lifted her dirty, fake-blood spattered dress. “I’d fit in a lot better there than at the wedding reception here.” James’ expression turned serious. “I’m so sorry about that, Beth. I would never have invited you to come with me if I'd imagined Immy would do this.” His lip curled. “Sure, there was a scene when I told her that no matter what her mother said, she and I would never marry. But that was ten years ago. We’ve bumped into each other socially since then and I thought it was behind us.”

72

Autumn Macarthur

Beth tensed, biting the inside of her cheek. No avoiding this long overdue conversation, the one they should have had ten years ago. Simply disappearing was the coward’s way to deal with it. Running home to her parents and trying to forget James had seemed the best solution, but not saying goodbye was wrong. “She told me you were engaged, that everything was planned.” He shook his head. “Her mother and my mother dreamed up the idea that Immy and I would marry. Mother wants me to marry ‘the right sort of girl’ for the sake of her family tree. But it surprised even her to find Immy seriously expected I’d follow through on their schoolgirl plans.” Though the mimicry in his voice as he said ‘the right sort of girl’ made it clear he didn’t share his mother’s beliefs, the words sank Beth’s heart like a stone tossed into the river below them. He might not value birth and class, but in his world, far too many people did. And she’d never be part of that world. He must have seen her expression change, or noticed the slump in her posture. Suddenly looking serious, he turned her to face him, hands gripping her shoulders. “Beth, I promise you, nothing ever happened between us, despite our mothers’ matchmaking. We grew up taking it for granted that if one of us needed a partner for a do, we’d go together. It went no further than that. As soon as I found out she expected we’d marry, I put her straight.” He smiled, lifting a hand to gently touch her cheek. “There’s only ever been one girl I cared for.” A quiver ran through her. Staring up at him, trying to read his eyes, she knew he’d told her the truth about Imogen. James wouldn’t lie. But Imogen was the least of the barriers between them. Even if she was the girl he cared for, was that enough?

THE WEDDING LIST

73

She’d never ever be ‘the right sort of girl’, the sort of girl his parents expected him to marry, the sort of girl who’d fit into his world and help his career. Imogen had married Hugo now, but there were plenty of other well-bred, well brought up girls who’d be a far better match for the heir to Tetherton Hall and his father’s millions than she’d ever be. As if he read her mind, James shook his head, and his lips twisted in a half-smile. “Hugo stands to inherit a baronetcy. A far better catch for Immy. She’ll be grateful not to get hitched to a plain Mr like me.” Beth fired up at his self-deprecating tone. “James, you’ve got to be kidding. There’s nothing plain about you. Your PhD makes you Dr Tetherton-Hart. Your research is published in top journals. You’re close to becoming a Cambridge professor at thirty. What’s plain about that?” He laughed and took her face in both hands. The warm tenderness in his eyes melted her. “Oh Beth, you’re adorable. I love how indignant you get. I don’t use the title Doctor socially. You know as well as I do it’s poor form to use it outside academic circles. And girls like Immy don’t care for any of that. I’m happy to be doing the work God called me to do. But she wanted me to stop studying, and go make dollars in Dad’s business instead.” “No. You were born to be a scientist.” Beth shook her head against his hands. “I truly believe my research can make a difference. But you were the only person close to me who supported me in what I wanted to do.” His gaze on her intensified and his head dipped nearer. Her tummy quivered, knowing he wanted to kiss her. She closed her eyes, swallowed hard, and ducked her head. Before anything happened, the question that tormented her for

74

Autumn Macarthur

ten years needed an answer. “Something Immy said... you started to explain... I need to know —” A gentle finger on her lips stilled the words. “Shhh. Forget the past. Whatever Immy said ten years ago can’t affect us. Look at me, Beth.” Hands cupping her cheeks, he tilted her face up to his to meet his warm steady gaze. She didn’t reply. She couldn’t. All she could do was stare up at James. The world shrank to the two of them. Nothing else mattered. “I never took Immy for a walk in Tetherton Wood looking for all the wildflowers mentioned in Shakespeare, the way I did with you.” His voice had dropped to a murmur, and his head dipped lower, until his lips were only inches from hers. “I never sat by the stream at the old mill reading poetry to her, the way I did with you.” The whisper of his words breathed soft and low on her face. Her heart could happily stop beating, as the eternal moment stretched between them, humming with expectancy. “I especially never did this,” he whispered, his mouth close, so close. Then his hands tightened on her face and his lips lowered to claim hers, warm and tender and firm and sweet, gently seeking permission. Her lips opened beneath his. Fingers that had ached all evening with the need to touch him tangled themselves in his thick hair, drawing him closer. Her breath hitched as she dissolved into the sensation, every cell in her body singing with joy. Thought and common sense vanished. Her questions vanished. All that was in her surrendered to the wonder and the blessing of his kiss.

THE WEDDING LIST

75

No matter how wrong his family and friends and colleagues would think she was for him, being in his arms felt right. There was nowhere else she wanted to be, now or ever.

Chapter 11 James lifted his head, breaking the kiss for a flash of air, and opened his eyes to look at Beth’s lovely face, the face he held so tenderly in his hands. Her kiss awakened something in him he’d never experienced before, tasting of sweetness and joy and hope. And something more, a sense of home he’d always missed. Illogical it might be, but this wasn’t the time for logic or intellect. The truth was there, in her lips against his. Now he’d found Beth again, he wanted to drink her in, with his lips, with his eyes, with his hands. Give in to his longing for her, the same longing he'd felt at nineteen, and felt even while they were apart. Time to stop thinking about what he should do or shouldn’t do, and follow his instincts. God given instincts that made him want to tell the world he’d found the one his soul loved. To hold her, and not let her go. Thought and intellect and doing what his family expected of him had governed his life for too long. Now, logic and thinking appeared overrated. Almost without his conscious intent, his hands moved, tracing her features with his fingertips. The arch of her eyebrows. The curve of her cheekbones. The cute little tip-tilted line of her nose. The soft fullness of her lips. The contour of her chin. Her long eyelashes quivered as he gently explored her face, but her eyes stayed closed. Beth was so different to the other women he met.

THE WEDDING LIST

77

Half were serious and dedicated scientists, working twice as hard to prove themselves in a male dominated workplace. The other half, like Immy and her friends, valued nothing about him but his lineage. To them, the only thing that mattered was that he was the heir to both the British Tetherton and the American Hart fortunes. His calling to science and research was an inconvenience or an irrelevancy to them. Only Beth appreciated who he truly was. Back in that wonderful summer, he’d told her things about himself no-one else knew. She was the one person he’d ever trusted enough to let down the barriers with. She’d been too young for more than the deep friendship they shared, and he was willing to wait for her. Their first kiss had been a long time coming, but it more than made up for the delay. Dear Lord, please don’t make us wait ten years for our next kiss. Lifting both hands, he stroked her hair back from her forehead. Sticky powder, part of her ugly Halloween costume, streaked the rich nut-brown with grey, marring its soft sheen. In jeans and a shirt and sneakers, shiny hair tied back in a thick pony tail, the way she’d dressed last night, she’d looked so much more his Beth. The Beth he’d known at Tetherton Hall. Cradling her head in his hands, he stared at her as if memorising her every line. Her delicate eyelids flickered open, showing eyes that held a mix of emotion. Tenderness, desire, confusion. A hint of fear and uncertainty. The same uncomfortable emotions he felt. Their kiss laid him wide open and vulnerable, in a way he’d never been before. If only there was a way to erase that fear from her eyes and from her heart, make her regard herself the way he saw her, the way God saw her. With so much value and worth, ‘her price far above rubies’.

78

Autumn Macarthur

Surely she noticed his longing for her. Emotion so strong must be reflected in his face. He infused his love and respect and need for her into his gaze, willing her to sense it, to understand, and not to turn away. Her eyes widened, and her breath gave a funny little hiccup. The hint of a hopeful smile tickled the corners of her mouth, and the gold flecks in her brown irises glowed brighter. Such a sappy romantic cliche, but he really could drown in those eyes of hers, so much like a woodland pool flickered with sunlight. Her gaze drew him in, closer and closer, until he shut his eyes and bent his head toward her. As his lips found hers again, her arms crept around his back, pulling him near. Once more, that sense of coming home. With Beth, in her arms, this was where he belonged. As the blood pounded in his ears and his senses sang Hallelujahs, he let the kiss tell her all those things too difficult to express in words. The kiss lengthened and deepened, stretching infinitely. Then he knew it was time to stop kissing. Reluctant as he was to let her go, he had to. He’d rushed things, gone too fast. Up here alone in the dark, they risked their emotions overwhelming them, tempting them to take things further than they should. The hormones raging through his system and awakening his body considered the kiss nothing but a prelude to deeper intimacy. They needed to stop, and stop now, before they tested the limits of his self-control. Slowly he lifted his head and drew back, his hands lingering on her shoulders. He couldn’t let her go. Giving a tiny moan, she pressed her hands against his back. “Don’t stop.”

THE WEDDING LIST

79

“We must. I’m sorry.” His voice rasped in an unwilling whisper. “Not yet.” Soft lips just a tantalising breath away from his, invited him to kiss her again and again. Saying no seemed almost impossible, when everything in him yearned to ignore that whisper of conscience and keep on kissing, keep on touching. But staying here and discovering where more kisses led them wasn’t wise. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to resist the temptation, if they did. The way he felt for Beth threatened to overwhelm both morals and integrity. “Beth, we must stop this. Now.” Strengthening his resolve with a deep breath and a silent prayer, he stiffened his back and let his hands slip from her shoulders and drop to his sides. Letting Beth go was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He didn’t want to, but he had to do it. Best they found a more public place, lightened things up. What they had was too precious and rare to rush. But he hoped he wouldn’t have to wait too long. Once it wasn’t so ridiculously soon after them meeting again, he’d ask her to marry him. And he didn’t believe in long engagements. For now, he needed to convince Beth. Ending the kiss was necessary. “I shouldn’t have let this happen. It was a mistake. Things can’t go any further between us. We should leave and go down to join the others, or I’ll get you on your way home if you prefer.” His voice came out more harsh and gruff than he intended, but he needed to bolster his determination and stay strong. Beth seemed to sag into herself. Then her hand lifted to his chest, right over his heart, and pushed him away with a hard shove.

80

Autumn Macarthur

“I get the message.” Inspecting her, he tried to analyse her angry reaction. But she looked away, hiding her expression behind a thick veil of hair, giving him no hint of how to respond. She turned on her heel and stomped back along the walkway and into the foyer, face stubbornly turned away. Something was wrong. Very wrong. “Beth?” “I’m okay,” she said, but her flat monotone sounded anything but okay. Unease tightened his belly. Surely she wasn’t that upset that he’d kissed her? She’d done a pretty good job of kissing him back. Could she be this upset over him stopping kissing her? “Beth, we had to stop. Coming up here wasn’t wise. I didn’t plan on the kiss happening, but it did. Now we need to do the right thing. This can’t be allowed to develop more.” His firmly spoken words held a hint of impatience. How could she not understand? Stopping was the only honourable choice. She didn’t reply, and her expression stayed hidden. Part of him wanted to take her face in his hands and make her look at him. A bigger part of him recognised that the forbidding line of her straight back and the tight clench of her hands at her sides made it wiser not to. Besides, with the neurochemicals roused by the kiss still running wild, even such an innocent touch wasn’t a good idea. They reached the top of the stairs, and she stopped. Of course, the stairs. A bubble of relief expanded in his chest, lightening his concern. Going back meant doing the stairs again. That was the problem. He should have figured it out sooner.

THE WEDDING LIST

81

“You won’t have to do the stairs again. There’ll be a lift on this level.” “I can do the stairs.” Her eyes stayed shuttered, giving no clues to her thoughts. Probably being tough with her fears. “Let’s take the lift anyway. It will be faster.” Her reply was a silent shrug. It didn’t take much looking to find the elevator, tucked away near the entrance to the other walkway. “Over here.” He pushed the button to summon the lift. As she turned toward him, he glimpsed a shimmer of tears in her eyes, but she quickly rubbed them and assumed an unconvincing smile. “Thank you. I agree going our separate ways is for the best. I’m more than ready to call it a night.” Exactly what he wanted, to get away from the temptation to kiss her again and never stop. Exactly what he didn’t want, to walk away from her. Last time he had, to go on that climbing weekend, he hadn’t seen her for ten long years. He never wanted to experience that level of desolation again. Only his faith and his work had pulled him through. But ending this disaster of a night made sense. He’d go meet her at the store tomorrow and God willing, they’d start over as if tonight hadn’t happened. Wiser not to take her hand, no matter how much he wanted to, in case he offered her a lot more than comfort. He had as much willpower as the next man, but his reaction to her was like magnesium, ready to blaze into flame at the slightest heat. While they were alone together, talking without touching was safer. “How do you get home, the train?” She nodded. “Main line north from Kings Cross.” The elevator arrived and the doors opened. He stepped inside and held the door back for her. “I’ll get a cab for you.”

82

Autumn Macarthur

Predictably, she refused. “I can take the tube.” But this seemed more than just her independent spirit. She’d gone from enthusiastically kissing him to not being able to get away from him fast enough. Clearly, more than the stairs bothered her. Regret heavier than the elevator counterweights pulled his shoulders to a slump. If Beth couldn’t respect his reasons for ending the kiss, she wasn’t the woman he thought she was. He pushed the button for the Ground Floor exit. Panic crossed Beth’s face. “No. We left their present behind.” She jabbed at another button. “It’s still under that table I nearly demolished.” So that was it. The possible confrontation with Imogen had upset Beth, not him. It was hard not to burst into a victory yell and grin until his face ached. Thank You God! He wouldn’t be any happier if he solved the Yang-Mills equations or came up with a Grand Unified Theory of everything, the Holy Grail of physics. Making things right with Beth meant more than anything in this world.

Chapter 12 Shame stung Beth’s eyes as she swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. Propping herself in the corner of the lift for support, she stood as far from James as possible, her gaze fixed on her feet. If only she could run away. The evening felt like a nightmare without an end. This humiliation went way beyond her embarrassment at disrupting the ceremony. Letting down her resistance and ignoring common sense to kiss James with such abandon was a huge mistake. Her kiss made no attempt to hide her feelings. She’d wanted to surrender, wanted to hope, wanted to discover if kissing James matched up to her dreams. She’d wanted to show him how much she cared. Then he pulled back, shattering her dream, showing it for what it was — delusion. Seemed tonight was just as much about closure for him as she’d thought it was for her. Now, closure was the last thing she wanted. But wanting changed nothing. There didn’t seem any other way to interpret his words. After kissing her the way he did, to say he’d made a mistake? Only one reason. Though he might be attracted to her, he agreed with what Imogen and his mother and her aunt said. A girl like her didn’t belong in his world. Proof, confirming her deepest fears. She wasn’t good enough for him. And James was far too much the gentleman to lead her on. Trying to fit in would cause problems with his family. Get her ostracised and bullied, the way she’d been at school. Damage

84

Autumn Macarthur

James’s career. Safer to keep her world the way it was. Limited and loveless but far less hurtful. She had to stop hoping. Hoping things were different didn’t change the facts, despite the pounding of her pulses at his nearness and the imprint his lips left on hers. Getting away from him, while some tattered shreds of dignity and self-respect still clung to her, seemed the one solution left. Otherwise, flinging herself at him and embarrassing herself even more was far too likely. In the close confines of the lift, his big solid presence and his subtle yet indefinably male odour couldn’t be ignored or escaped. If not for the present, she’d escape his overwhelming effect sooner. But leaving a gift that special and that expensive lying around would be wrong, no matter how badly Imogen had behaved. Changing herself into the right sort of girl for James was an unattainable goal. Making sure to do the right thing, to avoid giving him or anyone else anyone the excuse to think less of her, was not. Even if her heart cracked so loudly that James must hear it breaking. Her delight and joy in those kisses mustn’t have touched him. Or if they did, they didn’t mean anything to him. Not when he’d dismissed them so coolly. It seemed Imogen had been right after all to tell her James only amused himself with Beth that summer, and wouldn’t keep in touch. Her spiteful laughter when she’d discovered Beth dreamed of a future with James and imagined he really did care for her still stung. She’d been a fool to come tonight. A fool to let him kiss her and to kiss him back. A fool to let a rose of hope flower in her heart. A sigh escaped her. She’d expected better of James, but her expectations seemed twice wrong.

THE WEDDING LIST

85

His kiss avoided answering her question. Why didn’t he try to contact her, when they’d made her leave Tetherton Hall? Going without saying goodbye hadn’t been her choice. Imogen accused her of theft, made sure to plant evidence, and got her sacked without notice. No-one listened to the word of a mere housemaid. Not even her aunt. They’d left her no alternative but to slink home to her parents’ house in disgrace. If he’d cared, surely he’d have telephoned or emailed or written to her? Of course, he didn’t have any contact details, but someone as bright as him must know how to use Google. That proved Imogen told the truth about one thing, if nothing else. Like a hamster on a wheel, Beth’s mind went round and round, getting her nowhere. She made the mistake of glancing up into James’s concerned eyes, and quickly looked away. Unfair that he looked so sweetly caring now, after practically saying they had no future. Her tummy clenched as if it took a punch. She knew she didn’t fit into his life. She knew she’d ruin his career prospects. She knew his parents would hate him being involved with her. She knew all too well that nothing should have happened between them, either ten years ago or now. But somehow his implication that he agreed with that, when he had spent the evening trying to convince her otherwise, made it worse. Far worse. Daring to let herself hope a little and dream a little meant it hurt far more. His cold statement that nothing more could happen between them dumped ice water on her overheated hopes. Time to stop the pity party. Getting over it was the only way forward.

86

Autumn Macarthur

“Don’t worry about Immy,” he said, pulling her out of her miserable thoughts. “In front of everyone, she won’t dare say anything unkind to you. She cares too much about what other people think.” “I’m not worried.” His raised eyebrow suggested he was well aware that wasn’t quite the truth. A shrug was enough reply. If he wanted to believe it was Imogen that bothered her and not his betrayal, let him. Explaining the truth would be far more embarrassing. No shame in a possible confrontation with Imogen being the teensiest bit unnerving. At last the lift stopped at the right floor, and the doors opened with a ping. Thank You for that Lord. Just help me get through the next half hour, please. I’ll worry about getting through tomorrow another day. Her rush to the ceremony room, was as much to get away from James as from anxiety to collect the present. A couple of cleaners ambled around stacking the chairs, now plain without their drapery and ribbons. The gift wrapped box still lay under the side table that looked far too small and spindly for the floral decoration it supported. So far, only actually smashing the table in her skid across the floor could make the evening any worse. But she still needed to face Imogen. And then say ‘Goodbye’ to James again, knowing this time it was goodbye for ever. With an overly bright smile, she tuned to him and held up the present. “Here it is. Let’s go face the music.” “And dance?” He raised a sweetly questioning eyebrow, as if nothing had happened.

THE WEDDING LIST

87

Her heart gave a sick little quiver. Being held in his arms again as they twirled to music sounded such a gift from God. One last memory before they parted. But why? If things weren’t going anywhere between them, it just prolonged the agony. “I doubt we’d want to dance to Imogen’s tune.” Making a joke of it helped. “True.” Taking the heavy parcel from her, he smiled. “Let’s go find the reception. Getting in, leaving this, and getting out again out as fast as we can is the best plan.” After some searching and help from a friendly security guard, they finally found the right place. It took a hike. The Engine Rooms, in one of the bridge supports way over the other side of the river, were nowhere near the room in the North Tower where the wedding ceremony took place. Even wounded by James’s rejection, the designer in Beth still appreciated the industrial chic architecture of the unusual spaces under the bridge, and understood why Imogen chose it for a steampunk party. Not her choice, if she ever married. Her dreams involved a quiet country wedding, in a pretty, flower filled, old village church. No chance of that wedding ever happening. Now she’d met James again, marrying anyone else became unimaginable. She was not crying. Squeezing her eyes shut because they stung a little, that’s all. They made their way through a network of underground corridors to an arched roofed chamber. The huge wheels and apparatus of the Victorian steam-driven engines that once worked the drawbridge mechanism dominated. A waiter holding a drinks tray was the only person in sight. But over the slow machinery hum, the purple lit room echoed

88

Autumn Macarthur

with a spiky techno version of classical music, clapping, and foot stomping, coming from the far side of open double doors. Beth grabbed a mineral water from the tray and gulped it down. The prospect of braving the wrath of Imogen and the critical gaze of all those guests, on top of what had happened with James, dried her mouth drier than a Sahara dust storm. The well trained waiter didn’t even blink at their Halloween costume. “Nice,” James said, looking around appreciatively. “If you like that sort of thing. But I can’t see anywhere to put this.” He held up the gift box. “We’ll need to go find the party.” She pointed to the doors. The waiter took her empty glass with a smile, and offered the tray to James. “Drink, sir.” James shook his head. “Nothing for me, thank you. We just want to leave our gift and go.” “The gift table is in the Engineer’s Gallery. Through those doors.” Nodding thanks, James turned to Beth with a smile. “Ready to beard the dragon in her lair?” She took a deep breath and nodded back. They walked through the wide doors together, then stopped dead. The other guests lined the walls clapping to the driving beat of the music, while Imogen and Hugo took the floor with a showstopping wedding dance. They’d nearly blundered again, stopping just in time to avoid blocking the path of the cameraman filming it. The spectacular and oh-so-obviously choreographed performance seemed to be a cross between a waltz and a Highland Fling, involving much circling around each other, foot stomping, raised crossed fists, and swirling of Imogen’s hooped skirt. It as good as shouted. “Look at me, I’m the BRIDE!”

THE WEDDING LIST

89

Or maybe that was uncharitable. Beth bit her lip. More proof she didn’t measure up to the standards expected for James’s girlfriend. Anyone’s girlfriend. One good thing about the stunning dance. It kept Imogen far too preoccupied to notice them, and most of the guests’ attention focused on the bride and groom. Even so, being in the room full of elegantly dressed people when she looked such a mess made her want to shrivel. It confirmed what she already realised way too well. She wasn’t good enough to fit into James’ world. Fighting it and trying to change couldn’t alter the inescapable fact.

Chapter 13 The moment the dance ended, James snuck past the congratulatory friends surrounding Imogen and Hugo, and placed the present on the gift table. He doubted if she’d even notice another present, among the mountain of wrapped boxes. Beth remained rooted near the door, her poised and rigid posture suggesting readiness to run. No wonder, hearing the inane chatter surrounding them. Surely someone here had more to say than which of the other guests were related to which rich, famous, or titled person? Or how much of a bonus their nanny demanded before she’d accompany them on their skiing trip to Switzerland this winter. Or that their children’s school fees next term came to more than his annual salary as a professor, per child. All focused on impressing others. Look how wealthy I am. Look how well connected I am. Look what I can afford to spend. Nothing about giving back or helping others. Nothing about making a difference. These people believed their money and privilege made them important. If it meant snubbing anyone with less, or boasting the way these people did, he had no desire to live in their world. Getting Beth out of here and somewhere quiet and undisturbed to talk was his biggest priority. “Ready to go?” Beth nodded her head, with a smile of relief. But before they took two steps, Immy blocked their route to the door. The saccharine smile on her lips didn’t fool him a bit. Her eyes spoke a different message.

THE WEDDING LIST

91

“I see you got my invitation, James.” Her voice sounded far too sweet. “Though you still didn’t bother making it to my wedding on time.” When she turned to Beth, eyeing her up and down, he braced himself, ready to intervene. Immy could say what she liked to him, but he wouldn’t allow her to hurt his Beth. Please Lord, don’t let her say or do anything. Despite his prayer, Immy had free will. Who knew what she might say? Beth straightened beside him, lifting her chin. To his surprise Immy merely raised her eyebrows and laughed. “I think the score is even now.” She walked away. Beth sagged, eyes closed and a little scrunched up. As if something pained her. Yet Immy had just proven how childish her grudge had been. It wasn’t worth a second thought. Reaching for her arm, he smiled. “That went better than I expected. Now we can escape.” She pulled back, brows lowered, lips pursed. As if she wasn’t ready to leave. A minute before, he’d been sure she wanted to bolt out the door. The music changed to a dance tune with a driving disco beat and breathy vocals. An expression mingling determination with a wistful smile twisted Beth’s face, as she swayed in time to the song. Her eyes brightened, and she grabbed his hands. “How about that dance you suggested? Just one, then we’ll go.” “Of course. But be warned, I’m out of practice. To be honest, I never was in practice.” He got the feeling the dance might have more to do with proving a point to Immy than anything else. No matter. If Beth wanted to dance, they’d dance. Though he was nearly as uncoordinated on the dance floor as it was possible to be. And he’d best not hold her close, the way he longed to.

92

Autumn Macarthur

Those hormones. Moving awkwardly to the beat, he made sure to keep an arm’s length between them, avoiding touching. Unfortunately, not nearly close enough to clue anyone else in that they danced together. Bunny Warren collared him to discuss the Cambridge job offer, and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Listening to Bunny ramble was not his idea of a good time, ever, even less so when it interrupted his dance with Beth. But Bunny’s father headed the Science Department. This was a networking opportunity he couldn’t afford to ignore. “Sorry, next dance,” he mouthed to Beth. But the music changed, then changed again. Bunny kept rabbiting on, not seeming to need any answer beyond the occasional nod. All the man wanted was an audience. The nickname given him at university had as much to do with his unending stream of monologue as his last name. Beth stood beside him for a while, squeezed his hand with a weak smile, then drifted away. Trying not to make his lack of interest in the conversation too obvious, James’s gaze followed Beth as she headed toward the door. As soon as he could, he’d follow. A familiar figure blocked her progress. His mother. No. No no no. The Honorable Portia Tetherton-Hart wearing her most condescending ‘I’m the granddaughter of an Earl and don’t you forget it’ nose in the air look, had managed to corner Beth. Living proof that good breeding and good manners didn’t always correlate. His mother’s life seemed a mission to reinforce her superiority in the minds of everyone she met. Everything he loved about Beth meant nothing to her. The only things she valued were money, and aristocratic blood-lines.

THE WEDDING LIST

93

What on earth was she doing here? They stood too far away for him to hear the conversation over the party noise, but chances were, it wouldn’t be good. He had to rescue Beth from his mother. A momentary break in Bunny’s flow of words gave him an opportunity. “Sorry, Bun, I need to find my partner —” But Bunny foiled his attempt to excuse himself, not only talking over the top of him, but grabbing his arm and holding him there. The only way to break away would have been to physically detach Bunny’s grip. Standing by and watching as his mother almost certainly dripped her patented version of honeyed venom onto Beth broke something in him. When she flinched away, politeness flew out the window. No matter how important a contact Bunny was, Beth counted more. “Bun, we’ll have to catch up another time.” He jerked his arm free, then hurried toward Beth and his mother. Beth gazed up at him with mingled relief and anger as he reached her side and slid a protective arm around her. Her posture straightened, and her chin lifted as she turned to face his mother. His mother’s expression held cold disapproval, as usual, but the commandment to honour one’s parents demanded he at least speak politely to her before hustling Beth away. “Mother. Nice to see you again. I thought you’d gone to The Gambia. Beaches not up to scratch?” That won a sour twist of the lips. “The weather was awful. Rain, every day. No-one warned me about the wet season. Totally unsuitable.” Her narrow-eyed stare at Beth suggested the words didn’t only apply to the weather. She went on the attack.

94

Autumn Macarthur

“You haven’t lost your plebeian tastes, I notice. You can always be relied upon to lower the tone, James, with your working class associates.” The words held all the distaste thirty generations of rank and privilege could produce. His fists balled. As with Immy, he’d ignore her insulting him. He’d had plenty of practice. But Beth was off limits. Without giving him a chance to reply, she sniffed, as if she’d smelled something bad, and continued. “And please explain why you’re wearing those outlandish costumes. I wouldn’t expect a housemaid to know what to wear to a wedding such as this, of course. But I though you would.” As always, her barely veiled disdain stung. He should be used to it by now. “You’ll have to ask Immy that.” He smiled. “If you’ll excuse me, we’re leaving now. I’m sure I’ll meet you again while you’re in London.” “Imogen is a girl of impeccable breeding. You should have married her, instead of chasing after nobodies.” His arm around Beth tightened. Before he came up with a suitable reply, she cut in. “James cares about the person, not the pedigree. You should be proud to have raised such an honourable man, Mrs Hart.” They turned as one and walked away. Once they were outside the room, he gave way to the suppressed laughter that shook him. “I shouldn’t laugh, but you managed her beautifully. Calling her Mrs Hart. I never guessed you had it in you.” Beth’s face reddened and her eyes burned. “Don’t laugh at me, James. I’ve had more than enough humiliation for one night. I’m leaving, now.” Spinning on one heel, she took off for the exit, without a backward glance to see if he followed. He wanted to call after her, chase her to the train. Thank her for standing up to his mother, something he had never done.

THE WEDDING LIST

95

Shake some sense into her so she’d forget those idiot ideas she wasn’t good enough. Tell her that he loved her. But the events of the evening left him bewildered. Beth’s emotions swung like a pendulum and he couldn’t keep up. No wonder he’d kept to his lab and his research for so long. He let her leave. If she loved him, she’d stay.

Chapter 14 Sleep must have come at some stage during the night. Reaching to silence the buzzing reminder alarm she’d set to her phone, Beth’s body ached with fatigue and heartbreak. Arranging to get up early to see a house for sale before going to work now seemed like a very bad idea. The house felt like an old worn out dream. The temptation to hit the snooze button and go back to sleep was strong. The temptation to pull the quilt over her head and never come out was stronger. All she felt was numb. As if instead of having a tooth extracted, her heart had been extracted, leaving a great big hole where it used to be. It didn’t hurt yet, because the local anaesthetic still deadened the pain. But later, once the feeling came back, the hole would hurt. A lot. Hopefully, she’d get through the work day before that happened. Hard to raise any sense of anticipation for the viewing. Only the fact that Candy had done this as a special favour to her before the house officially went on the market dragged her out of bed and to the estate agents office. She couldn’t let the agent down by cancelling the viewing. Plus, if the house was any good, it would sell within a week. She’d lost James all over again, she didn’t want to lose her chance of a home of her own as well. Places in her price range came on the market so rarely. Nice places in her price range, never.

THE WEDDING LIST

97

Candy bubbled with how great the house was for the price, the whole way there in the car. This time last week, she’d have shared the estate agent’s enthusiasm. Now, it seemed so pointless. A house was nothing but an empty shell without love. Her attention perked up the tiniest bit as the car turned into a pretty village. Past a tiny old stone church, the village green, and along a High Street lined with quirky crooked buildings. Waving her arms as she drove, in a way that was the teensiest worrying on such narrow winding streets, Candy enthused about the village. How thanks to a bus service to the train station, being out here in the peace and quiet of the countryside might only add twenty minutes to Beth’s daily commute. It seemed too perfect. There had to be a mistake. A village like this would be way outside her price range. Maybe someone left a zero off the end of the price. “How much did you say the asking price is again?” Candy named the same price she had before. The mortgage payments were a stretch, but doable. They turned down a network of narrow lanes and pulled up outside a terraced row of small, low-roofed homes. “It’s the middle one, with the blue door. Seventeenth century farm worker’s housing.” Candy down at the information she’d pulled up on her tablet. Beth suppressed a gasp. From the outside, it looked adorable, all crooked angles and small-paned windows. Of course, she had to see the inside yet. But her misery over James lifted, just a little. “It does need a little work inside,” the agent continued. “The older man who lived here didn’t care much for luxuries like carpets or central heating.” She unlocked the front door with a huge old-fashioned key. “Good thing you aren’t too tall. People were shorter when this place was built.”

98

Autumn Macarthur

They stepped straight into the main room. No entrance hall. Hideous peeling wallpaper. Ugly matt black paint on the wooden floorboards. But the low ceiling had original timber beams. There was an open fireplace, with a brick surround and a six inch thick shelf that looked like it had been carved from a whole log topping it as mantlepiece. And they might be painted all wrong, but wooden floorboards! With the wallpaper stripped and the walls painted in a soft milk paint and pretty curtains at the window, the room could be amazing. Rustic chic, but the rough edges would stop it being too chichi. Candy showed her through into the kitchen, apologising that there was only cold water. But Beth saw the flagstoned floor and the ceramic butler’s sink and the half-glassed stable door opening into a sun porch and a tiny courtyard. A garden too? Maybe God had planned this for her all along. So the wedding hadn’t given her real closure, leaving her with more unanswered questions than before. That didn’t mean last night wasn’t set up by God to show her that James wasn’t the man for her. More, to show her that marriage wasn’t part of His plan for her at all. To squash that secret she’d kept hidden deep in her heart, the one that whispered saving for a home was only a backup plan to what she really wanted. A husband. A family. God had a plan for her, and whatever it was would be good. She had to trust in that. The lift of her heart that thought gave her carried her right through the horrible and barely functional bathroom that needed replacing, and out into the sweet little courtyard. So easy to imagine this with a little table and lots of plants. The perfect place to sit for coffee and read.

THE WEDDING LIST

99

One thing bothered her. Where was the bedroom? “And now upstairs,” Candy said, opening a door in the kitchen that Beth had assumed was a pantry cupboard. “You want to be careful, they’re steep. Typical for a house of this age.” Beth looked up, and swallowed. If she hadn’t climbed those stairs at Tower Bridge last night with James, she’d be making an excuse to leave right now. Proof. This had to be a God thing. Another reason He’d brought James back into her life for such a short time. She’d never have walked up stairs like this if it wasn’t for him. Okay, so her heart may have beat a little faster as she climbed the narrow winding flight, but she did it. And was rewarded on the top landing by a dormer window, overlooking the courtyard and with glimpses out to the woods and fields beyond. It cried out for a window seat. The bedroom, tucked under the roof with sloping ceilings, even had a tiny box room off it, with a small square window. Candy gushed about what a great walk-in wardrobe it would make, but Beth knew she’d make this her study. The heavy weight dragging in her stomach since last night dissolved. God was so good, blessing her like this. Even if she did believe James cared for her, they couldn’t be together. If he threw away his family and his heritage to be with her, heartbreak was inevitable. She had to keep away from him, for both their sakes. This house was safe. Everything she’d prayed for. It felt right. Back downstairs, Candy spread her arms and pirouetted, taking in the whole house. “So that’s it. It needs some work, as you can see, The stairs are too steep for any of my retired clients to consider, and most couples don’t want a home with no room for children.” She raised her hand to touch the low kitchen ceiling beams, without

100

Autumn Macarthur

needing to straighten her arm. “And most men would bump their heads every time they came in here.” Beth raised a hand too. Amazing that those beams were over three hundred years old. The idea made her smile. All that continuity. The estate agent smiled and went for the close. “Those disadvantages have kept it perfectly priced for your budget. It could be a lovely house for a woman with imagination, and I’ve seen those designer boards you’ve created for P&M. So, what do you think?” Beth closed her eyes for a second and prayed. Nothing told her not to go ahead. “I love it. I’ll need to talk to my bank on Monday about a mortgage, and arrange an inspection. When does it go on the market?” Candy’s smile grew a touch smug, knowing she’d made the sale. “Wednesday. Don’t miss out on this one, Beth. You won’t get another opportunity like it.” “I don’t intend to miss it.” One missed opportunity this week was enough. This was the opportunity God meant for her, not James. The thought warmed her all the way to work. A home of her own at last. Without the smell of beer and cigarettes and stale chip fat, without loud television and raised voices and revving cars on the street outside. She envisioned the changes she’d make. A nook for reading, refinishing the floors, the anticipation of what might bloom in that garden come spring. A thrill of independence swirled her. Within moments of her arrival at the store, Anita appeared in front of her counter, face alight with hope and mischief. One glance at Beth and her smile vanished. “Oh. I can see I’d better not ask about last night.” Beth smiled. Her newfound house hunting joy was not enough to hide the dark circles and puffy eyes. “Do I really look that bad?”

THE WEDDING LIST

101

“Truth, or comforting lie?” “Truth, of course.” Anita’s face scrunched up in apology. “You looked better yesterday, made up as a corpse.” Beth shrugged. “I didn’t get much sleep last night. There’s a good reason I said no to James the first time he turned up here. Some things just aren’t meant to be.” Her friend reached out a hand and laid it on her arm, warm and reassuring. “Don’t tell me, asking him to the pizza night wasn’t my best idea ever. I’m sorry. I really hoped he was the one. You two seemed to be a match made in heaven.” “Not according to his mother. Or to him.” Her words held no bitterness or pain. The memories seemed distant, as if they’d happened to another person. No more than a film she’d watched or a book she read. Anita shook her head as her eyes widened. “You’re kidding me. I saw the way he looked at you. What went wrong?” Beth rolled her eyes. Even managed to make a joke of it. “Try what didn’t go wrong?” “That bad, huh?” “That bad. But anyway, forget James. I’ve found my dream home. Tiny as a doll’s house, needs a lot of work, and crying out for a decorator’s hand.” “Well, you’re the right girl for that.” Anita smiled, waving her hand in front of her as painting a wall. “And remember, I’m handy with a paint brush too. We can have a paint party.” Beth smiled right back. That sounded way more fun than the pity party she’d been indulging in over James. “You’re on. I can make it such an adorable home. I love it already. It even has a little garden. I could get a cat. Isn’t that what all good spinsters do?” Anita wrinkled her nose. “I hate the thought of you being a spinster.”

102

Autumn Macarthur

The bell to signal that the doors were opening to customers rang, and Anita groaned. “Gotta go. If you need to talk, you know where I am. I’m worried you’re being brave, and really you’ve got a broken heart. I’ll pop back later if I can.” Beth smiled. To her surprise, she didn’t need to force it. Anita was a good friend. She meant well, and she genuinely cared. “No broken heart. A little bit sad, sure. But hey, I get my house! You know how hard I’ve been saving for this.” Anita’s words had put James back in her mind. The house was a good distraction, but not quite enough to still her ‘if onlys’. The day was busy enough to stop her mind drifting back to him too much. Even though everything that happened last night had derailed her plan to do a little discreet promotion for the Registry, sales improved. One new bride-to-be occupied most of the afternoon. A sweet girl with a bossy battleship of a mother who argued nearly everything her daughter added to the list. Managing to bat the girl’s corner, finding patterns that delighted the client and satisfied the mother, gave Beth a therapeutic sense of satisfaction and purpose. It may be only lists of blenders and throw pillows... but somehow it mattered in the grand scheme of life. Amazing how seldom the groom came to help set up the gift list. Chewing over way to change that helped distract her too. Work, and her house. They were the things God meant for her. Not wondering how she’d got it so wrong with James and whether things could have been different. Her life was headed in a whole different direction. A good direction. And he wasn’t part of it.

Chapter 15 James straightened his back and squared his shoulders before pushing open Pettett and Mayfield’s heavy plate glass entrance door. Time for Plan B. Moments like this, he wished he had a little more experience with women, and a little less with mathematical physics. Physics was all equations and logic. Beth and how he felt for her was something far more complex and difficult to understand. Plan A, asking Beth to the wedding, had failed dismally. That didn’t mean he’d let her go. He’d walked away from the wedding reception last night with one nagging assumption— if she loved him, she would have stayed. Not a comforting thought. The obvious conclusion was that she didn’t care for him with the same intense commitment he did for her, therefore he had to let her go. Just like last time, when he’d waited for her to contact him, and she hadn’t. Last night, that decision made sense. This morning though, in his quiet time, it started to look a lot like giving in to fear. Praying it over, he knew he had to give this one last try. He needed to talk to Beth, find out what went wrong last night, and see what they could do about it. Maybe they could work it out. Maybe he’d simply have to draw a line through it and move on. But to a scientist, knowing was better than not knowing. So, he’d formulated some plans.

104

Autumn Macarthur

Plan B — the obvious one, go where he knew she’d be. Catch her before she left work for the day, and hope she’d talk with him. But now he’d arrived at the store, he dragged his feet, putting off getting on the escalator and going down to the Lower Ground Floor. He’d rung earlier and spoken to someone he suspected may have been Anita. She seemed much too eager to give a complete overview of Beth’s schedule. Giving her the opportunity to reject him again felt as daunting as the PhD process. Standing into front of the critical panel of examining professors to defend his research findings. He swallowed the lump of trepidation stuck in his throat. The interview for the professorship at Cambridge would be a snap compared to this. Despite that, it was necessary. Seeing Beth, speaking to her, sorting this out. He wouldn’t back off and leave it another ten years, like he had last time. That was the coward’s way. No matter whether he liked her answers or not, he was determined to hear them. Plan C, finding some other way to contact her, was a last resort. Social media wasn’t his strong point, he only maintained a group page to keep in contact with his lab interns. He’d searched and found her profile. Lots of pretty pictures. Cottages, cats and inspirational bible quotes. So like Beth, though there’d been no actual photos of her. Still, he couldn’t risk something so personal on a hunch. It had to be Plan B. The announcement that the store was closing in five minutes came over the P.A. Time to stop pretending to read the store directory at the top of the down escalator. Standing here with a dry mouth and a tight chest wouldn’t solve anything. Time to man up, and do this. He stepped onto the rattly old moving stairway.

THE WEDDING LIST

105

At her counter, Beth stood with her back to him, neatly professional in a black skirt and white blouse. Anita, beside her, looked up and smiled. “Look who’s here?” she said, with a giggle. Beth turned toward him, with an uncertain smile that told him nothing of her feelings. “Hello James.” She picked up a folder from her counter, and crossed her arms over it, eyeing him warily. Something tight in him loosened. That clue, even an obtuse scientist like him recognised. Thanks to the body language course he’d taken to help him read his students, he occasionally got cues right. Defensiveness. “Beth, I hoped you’d join me for a walk when you finish here. After last night, we need to talk. I think we both have unanswered questions.” He kept his tone matter of fact. She wouldn’t agree if he scared her off. She’d started shaking her head when Anita interrupted. “Was it you who phoned earlier?” He nodded. “You never told me that.” Beth turned to her colleague with an exasperated smile. “What sort of friend are you?” “A good one. I thought I recognised that not quite English accent.” Beth shook her head, lips pursed, and sighed. Obviously, these two were friends, not just colleagues. Anita smiled. “What should I tell you? Some guy called wanting to find out if you were working today and what time the store closed. Hardly classified information. It might have been the fiance of one of your brides.” She nudged Beth away from her counter. “It’s obvious you two need to talk. Why not go now? I’ll cash up for you.” “But what about Cara ...” Beth protested. Her tone indicated that she wasn’t protesting too hard.

106

Autumn Macarthur

“Don’t worry what Ms Scrooge will say. You worked though lunch. We don’t all have to be workaholics because she is. She’s not here today anyway. I’m close-up manager tonight.” James smiled gratefully at Anita, then turned to Beth. “Hyde Park is close. A quick walk to kick up some autumn leaves before you get on your train. We both get our questions answered.” “I guess we do need to talk. I owe you that.” She avoided meeting his gaze, but her lips curled in a nervous smile as she put the folder she’d clutched to her chest back on the counter. That sounded like a ‘Yes’. A reluctant yes. A pressured yes. An implied yes. But still a yes. Not quite jump-in-the-air fist pumping territory, but enough to start a quiet warm glow spreading in his chest. Worst case, he’d get some answers. The store bell rang, and the announcement that the store had closed came over the public address. “Perfect timing. I’ll meet you at the staff door.” Reaching out, he touched the back of her hand. Just a brush of his fingertips, nothing like a caress. As if his touch tugged a puppet string, she jumped, raising startled eyes to his for a moment. The warm colour flooding her face suggested the touch affected her as much as it had him. Even that innocent contact had his pulses thundering. But she hadn’t actually agreed to meet with him, only implied it. This was too important to let her wiggle out of. He had to solve the problem of why she’d reacted as she had last night, and none of his possible hypotheses seemed to work. That adorable blush now, and the way she’d kissed him last night suggested she had feelings for him, yet she’d run away, and seemed reluctant to see him.

THE WEDDING LIST

107

The data didn’t add up. His work was all about seeing patterns, but he didn’t see one here. No one that made any logical sense, anyway. “Meet me at the staff door?” he repeated. She nodded, picked up some papers, then ducked her head to scrabble under the counter. An excuse, if ever he saw one. Looked like the nod was the only answer he’d get. It would have to do. “C’mon! Get out of here, both of you!” Anita’s good-natured nudge to get him moving was firm enough to break a few ribs on anyone more fragile. “Didn’t you hear? The store is now closed.” James smiled as he rubbed his chest. “I get the message.” Beth emerged from under the counter. All flushed and flustered, she looked gorgeous. Though now of course she could claim her facial vasodilation was due to crouching down, and nothing to do with him. “See you outside,” he said. “I’ll only be a few minutes,” she muttered, avoiding his eyes. Looked like he had a battle on his hands. He knew it was crazy, when last night she’d behaved so erratically. He knew it was too soon, they’d only just met again, after all. But also knew, with as much certainty as he’d known anything in his life, that he wanted the next wedding list Beth planned to be her own.

Chapter 16 Beth watched James retreat up the escalator. How could he make an ordinary blue oxford shirt look so good? His presence seemed to melt her, every time. When it seemed impossible for her face to burn any hotter, her cheeks flamed again. From her welcoming smile, to her blushes, to her tremor at his touch. No doubt he’d noticed every one. Responses too strong to ignore. But the rules to the game he played made no sense. Asking her to the wedding. Holding hands. Kissing her. Then pushing her away, saying nothing more could happen. As good as ignoring her at the reception. Laughing at her after she’d had the guts to stand up to his mother. And now coming back to the store, wanting to see her again. Just when she thought she knew the path God wanted her on, buying the house. Lord, help me be stronger. No matter if he’d changed his mind and wanted to let things happen, give their relationship to chance to grow and develop into something lasting. That didn’t mean it would work. James didn’t seem to realise how wrong she was for him, how being with her would damage his family relationships and his career. So why had she agreed? Why were her pulses bouncing like an over-excited kid on a trampoline? “You too, scoot!” Anita moved her hands to shoo her. Beth didn’t move. Confusion glued her feet to the floor. Anita planted her hands on her hips “Okay, you want to tell me off for being an interfering pain in the you-know-where, but

THE WEDDING LIST

109

do it tomorrow. Go for a walk with him now. Get your questions answered. Then go buy your dream house built for one. What harm can it do?” Plenty, was the answer, though no point telling Anita. If she had half her friend’s chutzpah, her life might have been different. No matter what happened, Anita bounced right back. But Anita was right. Time to talk, get some answers. Goodbye was the only possible ending, but they both needed closure. Her breath hiccupped and her chest tightened as she changed clothes then dashed to the staff entrance, before fear and humiliation won out. More heartbreak was the inevitable outcome of being with James again. But that didn’t stop her smiling to see him waiting outside, face pinched and anxious above a woolly muffler scarf. That didn’t stop her heart leaping like a gazelle at his smile. That didn’t stop delighted warmth zinging through her when he took her hand. Thankfully, James seemed content to walk in silence the short distance to the park gate. His nearness was doing all sorts of disconcerting things to her tummy, making any sort of intelligible speech seemed doubtful. Joggers puffed past them on the footpath as they wandered toward the North Ride. A few late horse riders sedately trotted their mounts, kicking up dust. Across the park, a church steeple pierced the trees and bells rang out. “That’s where I worship,” James said, pointing to it. “Uh huh,” she murmured with a nod. The moment was too special to disrupt with words. They walked just off the path, still hand in hand, kicking through the fallen leaves carpeting the grass. In the twilight, the leaves still clinging to the trees glowed orange and yellow. A squirrel chittered at them from a branch.

110

Autumn Macarthur

Dusk fell. The wrought iron lamps along the path lit up, casting a radiance to match her inner glow. The hum of traffic on Park Lane and Bayswater Road seemed far away. All of her awareness focused on James. The sensation of her hand, engulfed in his. The strength of his presence beside her. The crunch of their feet on the browning leaves. The indefinable something humming between them as they walked. The something that should be off limits. This evening was idyllic, like old times. But knowing the idyll was fleeting, as their time at Tetherton Hall had been, spoiled the moment. The wild joy that he’d sought her out changed nothing. The gulf separating them stayed the same. No matter what they felt, being together was an unrealistic dream. A dream that this morning, she resolved herself not to want any more. But seeing James had stirred it up, all over again. While they walked in silent companionship, the comforting illusion remained. “Beth, what went wrong last night?” he asked eventually, breaking the silence, shattering the pretence. Painful as her honest answer would be, it was the only option. No point pretending not to understand what he meant. Despite the cool evening air, her face heated. Still, her gaze stayed on her feet, scuffing in the leaves. Saying the words wouldn’t be easy. Knowing she didn’t measure up cut a deep wound. “When we kissed last night, it was wonderful,” he continued, his tone soft and gentle. “But then you couldn’t seem to get away from me fast enough. Why?” She risked a glance at him. His face held only concern, confusion, and she detected a hint of suffering. As if he’d been hurt, not the other way around.

THE WEDDING LIST

111

The pain in his eyes threatened to break down the floodgates holding back her own emotions. Quickly, she looked away. “You said it last night, James. We both know I’m not good enough for you. That’s why you said the kiss was a mistake and nothing more was going to happen between us.” The words burst from her in a painful rush. He dropped her hand and took her shoulders in a warm gentle grip, turning her toward him and giving her a little shake. Her gaze remained on the autumn leaves at her feet. Far safer than meeting his eyes. “I’ve worried you were angry I kissed you, that I offended you somehow. I said what I said because up there alone in the dark, kissing like that, we risked going too far.” Relieved laughter rang in his voice. “You got it so wrong, sweetheart.” Sweetheart. If only it was true. Lifting her head she saw his eyes shone with amused warmth. And with something more, an intensity that made her look away fast, heart jumping wildly, before she melted into a puddle at his feet. None of it made any difference. “I wish you’d look at me again, and really hear what I say. Of course you’re good enough for me. When you left Tetherton Hall, I was devastated.” Beth knew that feeling. She’d felt the same. Desolate. Lonely. Like she’d shrunk to half the person she’d been with James. “But you never contacted me.” Her voice sounded small and weak. “I hoped and prayed you’d phone or email or write. Imogen told me you weren’t serious about me, that you wouldn’t bother with me once I left. She was right.” A noise of pain came from him, somewhere between a sigh and a groan. Her hand crept out to rest lightly on his chest, trying to give some comfort. “James?”

112

Autumn Macarthur

He shook his head. “That was a bad time for me. I took you going hard. Those ridiculous ideas you weren’t good enough had nothing to do with it.” The words sounded strangled as his chest vibrated under her fingertips. “Other people think it. You didn’t hear what your mother said last night.” She dragged in a shaky breath. Some of what his mother had said, she didn’t want to repeat. Like the threat to disown him. He’d be just crazy enough to call his mother’s bluff and throw away a fortune for her. She couldn’t let him do that. She wasn’t worth it. “So what did she say?” he asked, voice weary, as if he’d heard it all before. “Among other things, that she wasn’t surprised you were still amusing yourself with servants. That you’d always had low tastes. And that I’d drag you down to my level.” Anger flashed in his eyes. “I don’t believe in ‘levels’. Not in that way.” His hands tightened on her shoulders. Whatever his thoughts were, they didn’t seem comforting. “But if I did believe in them, I’d rather be on yours than my parents’. What do I have in common with them?” Letting her go, he stepped away, shaking his head. Ridiculously bereft, she battled the urge to move nearer again. “Probably more than you do with my level.” She nearly cried the words. “A council house on a rough estate in Stevenage. Parents who hate anything ‘posh’. Whose life revolves around beer, smoking, and TV. You’d hate it.” A humourless smile twisted his lips. “That’s not your level, Beth Forrest, any more than my parents’ is mine. Mother spends all her time jetting around the world, and Dad cares for nothing but making money. A succession of housekeepers raised me, until I was packed off to boarding school at eight. Like you, I found solace in books and studying.” He closed his eyes and shook his head, forehead creased.

THE WEDDING LIST

113

Sadness flooded her for the lonely boy he’d been. She’d envied his privileged life, but perhaps his life hadn’t been any easier than hers. While she struggled to find words, he spoke again. “We’ll make our own level. Forget what my mother and Imogen say. They’re snobs, with a value system that’s about as wrong as possible. Most people don’t think like them.” She wished that was true. How she wished it. But it wasn’t. “They’re not the only people who think that. You’re taking up a Cambridge professorship. What would your colleagues say if I’m your partner at university events? The most junior student there is better educated than me.” Shame shook her, closing her eyes. “Not only do I not have a degree, I don’t even have a high school qualification. How would I talk to anyone?” Her laugh tasted bitter in her mouth. “I’m the best educated one in my family, but I doubt my Open University preparation course counts for much to people with PhDs.” “You’ll talk to the other professors the same way you talk to me. Open, honest, interested in people. They’re people, just like everyone else. Be yourself. You don’t need to be anything else.” “What, you mean this me?” She exaggerated the slangy accent she’d heard around her growing up, pushing a hip forward and resting a hand on it in a street-wise attitude. His lips twisted as he shook his head. “That’s not you, Beth. You don’t need to pretend. Circumstances stopped you getting an education, not lack of ability. I don’t see you as less because of it, why should they?” His strong fingers lifted to rest on her cheek, so softly and tenderly that tears stung her eyes. He didn’t understand. How could he? Her words struggled through tears. “Oh James. They will. I’ve been on the receiving end of judgmental looks and hurtful words

114

Autumn Macarthur

more times than you realise. I know what happens. They’ll devalue you, because of me. I can’t let that happen.” “You worry too much what other people think. How about you let me decide whether to take the chance?” Her hands clenched at her sides. For his sake, she had to be strong, resist his hopeful optimism. “I’ve had to worry what other people think. I’m not worth what you’d lose. And I can’t risk you coming to hate me for that.” The flat finality of the words made the distant church bells sound like a death knell. She shivered. Her thin cotton sweater from the jumble sale did nothing to block the wind, but this coldness came from within. Even James’s arms around her couldn’t warm this. Inside her, her spirit felt dead, and a long way from God. “You’re afraid.” His grip on her shoulders was firm, and his gaze held challenge and determination. “That’s what it is. Fear.” “Yes, I am afraid. I’m afraid that your mother is right, I would drag you down. I’m afraid what we have will die, if you lose everything else you have, because of me.” Her voice was a thread. Lifting her hands, she covered her face and rubbed her eyes. “Remember when I got stuck on those stairs at the bridge? I said how hard it was to overcome old beliefs and fears? You helped me there. But this is a lot bigger than walking up a flight of stairs. And this affects you as well, not just me.” He shook his head. “Old beliefs are hard to overcome, sure. Especially when you’re trying to fight from your own strength. Where does God come in? If we have faith, nothing can harm us. He can defeat your fear, if you ask.” Pain racked her at the thought of walking away once more. But that wasn’t fear. That was sense. That was doing what was right for them both. If God meant them to be together, He wouldn’t have put so many barriers in their way. It God meant then to be together, surely He wouldn’t have shown her that perfect little house this morning. A house for one.

THE WEDDING LIST

115

That was what God wanted for her. It had to be. “No James. We have to accept we can’t be together. I love you. But being with you will harm you. I’m sure God has other plans for us both.” An elaborate wrought iron gate stood open in front of them. “Goodbye, James.” She stretched to kiss his cheek. For the third and last time, she walked away from him. At least, this time, she’d said goodbye.

Chapter 17 As Beth hurried through the gate and turned onto Bayswater Road, disappearing behind the hedge, James simply stood and watched her go. Unlike last night, he had no urge to call out or chase her. If she wanted to stay, she’d stay. But if her love wasn’t strong enough to stop her running, the words meant nothing. No more than his American aunts signing birthday cards ‘love’. He understood she was afraid. Afraid she wasn’t good enough, or that she wouldn’t fit in, or that somehow she’d hold him back in his career. Afraid she’d be bullied again, like she had before. She’d been hurt in the past, so her fear had a logical basis. But these were all excuses if she loved him. He’d disproved each of her theories and she continued to hold on to false assumptions. Today, he’d chased her. He’d laid himself on the line, and told her things he’d never told anyone else. And once again, she’d rejected him. Looked like he’d been right not contacting her after she ran the first time, and retreating to his research instead, if this was where chasing got him. Science was safe. Science was reliable. If unpredictable things happened, they could be studied, analysed, understood. In science, everything had a logical cause. Beth just proved that relationships weren’t for him. Time to get his focus back. He’d ignored the lab the last few days, it was time to get back to old habits. Back to what really counted.

THE WEDDING LIST

117

The lab wasn’t far away, and the keys were always in his pocket. Alone, focusing his mind. That was what he needed. Forget Beth. Ten minutes later, cloistered in his untidy office, he dived back into the mathematics of clumping. Searching for a formula to predict the patterns underlying the apparent randomness of life. Striving to reduce the messy complexity of the world into a mathematical equation, beautiful in its elegance and simplicity. The patterns were there, in everything from the growth of cancer cells, to why terrorists attacked when and where they did, to stock market fluctuations. He just needed to find the mathematics underlying them. Normally, work focused his mind, like prayer did. Almost a way of worshipping God. Recognising the repeated patterns in what looked chaotic made him see and appreciate the hand of our Creator in all things. Tonight though, it didn’t happen. Just when he wanted it most, his concentration deserted him. The patterns in his numbers didn’t emerge the way they normally did. For all his intent to forget her, thoughts of Beth distracted him. He walked to the window and opened it, breathing deep. Cool air to clear his mind. But on Saturday night, date night, too many couples strolled along the busy street. Holding hands, hugging, kissing. No help with his distraction. Science was work for his mind, but God created humans with bodies and emotions too. And He said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. Apart from that special summer with Beth, it felt to James as if he’d always been alone. He wanted her. He made it obvious he chose her. And he couldn’t have her unless she chose to come to him.

118

Autumn Macarthur

His gut churned with pent up emotion as he paced his office, hands clenched, shoulders tight. What was wrong with him? Frustrated, he closed his eyes and slammed his fists down on the windowsill. Help me, Lord. A run, that’s what he needed. Exercise, burning off the hormones and neurotransmitters. Once their disruptive effect was out of his system, he’d get his usual single-minded focus back. Soon, his feet pounded the pavement in a steady rhythm. He emptied his mind of everything but the sound and feel of his steps. Lactic acid heated his leg muscles, and the pace of his breathing accelerated. Pushing his body harder, he ran through Regents Park before looping the three mile stretch and heading for the apartment. Riding the burn, seeking the endorphin release. The blessing of stress relief. Every step and every breath and every heartbeat became a prayer. By the time he reached the huge mansion block, the tension knotting his muscles had vanished. Somehow, he felt a kind of peace over what had happened with Beth. He’d longed to see her again. God had given him that, and the chance to say goodbye. For now, he needed to let those memories go. Sweaty, tired, ready for a shower, he took the stairs two at a time, unlocked the apartment door, and went to grab a drink of water. He stopped dead at the kitchen door. His mother stood in front of the open refrigerator, examining its meagre contents with a wrinkled nose. Tight strain pinged back into his frame. “Mother, what are you doing here?” Her critical presence was the last thing he needed here, now. Sure, she owned the apartment, she owned the entire building and every apartment in it. Standard operating procedure had

THE WEDDING LIST

119

always been that he stayed in an empty one when he was in the UK. But she’d never visited before. He eyed her narrowly. With Mother, there was always an agenda. “I arranged for decorators to work at the Mayfair house while I was in The Gambia. I’m back sooner than planned, and you know I loathe the smell of paint. None of my other properties are empty.” She picked up a half-full bottle of mineral water and shook it to check for fizz. “Flat. And no food. What do you expect me to eat?” Her tone suggested she expected him to take care of that little problem. He rolled his eyes. As usual, she assumed that the world revolved around her. It wouldn’t occur to her to phone ahead, or to consider whether this was convenient for him. He took the water bottle from her hands, opened it, and drank a swig straight from the bottle. So she’d disapprove. She’d disapproved all the many, many times he’d tried to please her, too. Perhaps he needed to stop trying. He couldn’t live his life in an attempt to make his mother love him, any more than he could Beth. With a disconcerting feeling of everything jumping sideways like a tectonic shift, he knew their relationship had changed forever. “If I’d known you were coming, I would have arranged for caterers.” He didn’t try too hard to keep the caustic edge from his words. “I planned to order in pizza. You’re welcome to share.” She opened the cupboard doors one by one. Whether she was looking for something specific or just being nosy, he wasn’t sure. “Pizza?” If he’d told her straw was on the menu for dinner she wouldn’t have sounded more horrified. “I suppose you think I should have moved into a hotel.”

120

Autumn Macarthur

He laughed, a touch bitterly. “If you need room service, yes. But if pizza isn’t good enough for you, the French bistro around the corner delivers. It is your apartment. You can come here whenever you want.” Certainty swept him as he made a decision, one he knew had the ring of rightness. The three bedroom, three bathroom apartment was more than big enough for both of them. But it was time he moved out. Time he manned up too, and stopped trying to please her. “Mother, I’m going back to my lab tonight, anyway. I’m in the middle of working on something. I’ll have a shower, pack a bag, then leave. I can sleep on the couch there. You’ll have the apartment to yourself.” Her face contorted. “Your work.” Venom dripped from her voice. “You know what I think about that. About as much as I think about Bess or Beth or whatever her name is. Have you been seeing her all this time?” So that was what her visit was all about. Beth. Deliberately, asking God for patience, he uncurled the fists his hands had formed, and counted to ten. Three wasn’t enough to stop him exploding. “Her name is Beth. And it’s none of your business if we’ve been dating, or not.” “I know you’re in love with her. I saw how you were with her last night.” She sniffed, and her eyes narrowed. “Our country housekeeper’s niece. A nobody from nowhere.” “Her background might be a concern to you, but it isn’t to me.” He forced his breathing to stay even, despite the anger clenching his gut. “If I had my way, I’d marry her.” Tight-lipped, his mother flushed, stepped nearer, and jabbed a finger toward him. “I won’t have it. Get involved with her, and I’ll disinherit you.” James knew it was an empty threat. She’d never see her portion of the Tetherton property go to the other branch of the family. Just another way to control him.

THE WEDDING LIST

121

But even if she meant it, he didn’t mind. He took another gulp of water to calm himself before answering, setting the bottle down with a careful click instead of the thump he was tempted to. “You must do what you think is right. But I wish you’d understand. I don’t want your property. I can earn my own living. I’d rather have Beth.” “You can’t do that.” She almost spat the words in his face. God, help me. I’ve spent thirty years trying and failing to please her. I give up. “No, unfortunately I can’t. Beth won’t date me. She doesn’t think she’s good enough for me. Because people like you have told her so, too many times.” Triumph lit her eyes and her smug satisfied smile. “I’m glad the girl has that much sense, at least. Even if you don’t.” Forcing down a tidal wave of anger and grief, he shook his head and paced to the door, turning to face her. “When you’re ready to accept me as I am and stop your attempts to control me, I’ll be willing to see you again. Until then, I’d prefer not to. I’m going to take that shower now, then leave.” Before she tried to argue, he walked out of the room. Under a long shower, he scrubbed his hair and let the running water wash the dirt of the conversation from him. He realised something, something big. He’d spent his life scratching for crumbs of affection, pretending he didn’t care. He did care. So he’d kept trying to do it, under his own human power. But he’d never surrendered his relationships fully to God before, never given Him Lordship over that part of his life. No wonder he’d failed. Lord, I've done the best I can, and messed up. It's over to You now. With my mother. With Beth. You take the controls. I don’t have any better plan.

122

Autumn Macarthur

After his shower, he threw a few essentials into a bag and walked back into the living room. If his mother gave him any more grief, he’d stay firm. It was well past time someone set limits with her. Sitting on the big sofa, she looked small and crumpled and older than her sixty-two years. All her self-assurance and bluster seemed to have fled. As he came in the room, she looked up, and something he’d never seen there before glimmered in her eyes. Remorse. “You truly love this girl, don’t you? Enough to give up everything for her.” Instead of her usual criticism, her voice held a vulnerable quality that touched him. He put down the overnight bag he carried, and nodded. “Yes. I do love her.” Pointless though it was, he did. Beth’s refusal didn’t change that. “Then keep trying to win her. I’m sorry I said what I did.” Her chest rose and fell, and her hands convulsed in her lap. “While you were out of the room, I realised how empty my life would be if I lost you. I prayed, and I realised a few things. I’ve been a terrible mother, you don’t need to tell me that.” Open mouthed, shaken with surprise and shock, James sat in the seat opposite her. His legs suddenly turned to liquid. If he’d come out of his bedroom and found she’d transformed into an alien he wouldn’t be more astonished. He’d suspect this was another attempt to manipulate him, except there was an honesty about her that couldn’t be denied. “Mother?” “When I was a girl, I fell in love with someone.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “My father stopped it. Money, not love, was what he valued. He made me marry your father instead. Resentment made me this bitter and twisted caricature of the woman I could have been.”

THE WEDDING LIST

123

She reached a shaking hand out to him, and her eyes held genuine entreaty. “I have no idea who I am any more. I know I need to change, though it won’t be easy. Can you forgive me? Will you give me the chance to be a better mother?” The hurt of all the years of rejection and abandonment tensed his muscles, ready to pick up his bag and walk out that door and never look back. He stood. “Please?” she said, looking up at him. The way her voice broke on the word broke something in him too. He dropped to his knees beside her, head bowed, and felt her hand lay softly on his hair. The first time she’d touched him beyond a hand shake, that he could remember. Blessed forgiveness filled his heart, gentle and sweet. “Don’t give up on love too soon,” his mother said. “If you love Beth, don’t let her go. There is always hope for renewal. Haven’t I just learned that, after all these years?” He raised his head. Sureness and a new determination firmed his spine. Like his mother, Beth needed to choose love for herself. He couldn’t force her to. Ten years ago, waiting for her to come back to him had been the wrong choice, driven by fear. Now, it wasn’t. He’d chased her once. Now it was her turn. “I’m not giving up. But if Beth wants me, she’ll have to come to me this time.”

Chapter 18 Beth couldn’t believe her own stupidity. Last night, God gave her the choice between fear or love, and fear won. She’d thought she wanted closure, and a safe isolated single life in the little house she’d seen yesterday. Wrong. She wanted love, but didn’t know how to choose any different. So once again, she’d bolted from James. She wouldn’t be given a third chance with him. Worse, prayer seemed impossible. If it wasn’t her Sunday shift at work, she’d be in church, hoping to reconnect with God again. God felt so far away it hurt. Working after an almost sleepless night wasn’t going to be much fun. Her red rimmed eyes and pasty face showed far too clearly that things hadn’t gone well the night before. “Beth?” asked Anita, approaching her counter. Putting down her polishing cloth, Beth braced herself. Anita frowned and shook her head. “Again? What is it with you two? Maybe I need to give up matchmaking. I’ve never seen a couple more meant for each other, yet after every date I set up for you, you come in looking a wreck.” A comforting touch on her hand offset the words. “C’mon girlfriend, spill. What’s the problem?” Beth let a breath go in a heavy sigh, and tucked her chin toward her chest. Shame burned in her throat.

THE WEDDING LIST

125

Anita knew about James of course, they’d discussed their relationships, or lack of, many times. But she’d never said more than that another girl broke them up. Revealing her background and her deep sense of not being good enough, of not belonging anywhere, would hurt too much. Cheerful and self-confident Anita wouldn’t understand. Tears prickled her eyes, and she swallowed hard. “I’ve been told too many times in no uncertain terms that I’m not the right sort of girl for him. Just a former housemaid from the wrong side of the tracks.” Waving her cleaning cloth, her smile felt more like a grimace. “Look at me, still dusting. At least here I don’t have to mop the floors.” Anita frowned, tipping her head to one side. “I don’t get it. Did James say that?” She waved both hands wide in a gesture of dismissal. “In that case, I made a big mistake trying to get you guys together and I’m truly sorry. Ditch the jerk. You deserve better.” Memories of his sweet face last night filled Beth’s mind. His concern that what he’d said at the wedding upset her so much. The earnest way he’d explained. Lifting her head to meet Anita’s concerned gaze, her lips twisted in a smile. “Not James, no. A few things that happened on Friday night made me think so, but we had our wires well and truly crossed. It’s everyone else. His friends, his mother, his colleagues.” She looked down to the floor, struggling to drag a breath into suddenly constricted lungs. “Even my own family never believed we could be together. They’d treat it as if I had won some fluke lottery.” Brows pulled together in a question, Anita shook her head. “But it’s not a problem with James, why is it a problem?” Beth sat on her stool and hunched over, hugging her knees. “Because it would be a problem, he just doesn’t see it yet. He’d end up hating me for dragging him down.”

126

Autumn Macarthur

“Still not getting it. One, the idea of you dragging anyone down is crazy, and two, he doesn’t seem the type to worry about that stuff.” Explanation time. “At eleven, I won a scholarship to a private school. The girls there hated me because my Daddy wasn’t rich like theirs. I was a charity girl from a sink estate.” Humiliation heated her cheeks, and her hands raised to cover them. “And my old friends began to hate me because they thought I had posh friends now and looked down on them.” She peeked up at her friend. Anita fiddled with her big earring, but seemed to understand. Her headshake this time held regret, not disagreement. Moving nearer, she squeezed Beth’s shoulder. “That stinks.” “I didn’t fit in anywhere.” Her reply emerged as a strangled murmur. “I don’t want that for James. I especially don’t want that for our children. His mother as good as promised to disown him if he kept seeing me. How could our relationship survive that? To live with that constant disapproval from everyone is too much.” Memories of the old pain crunched her stomach for a moment, bending her almost double. Putting a warm arm around Beth’s shoulder, Anita hugged her. She accepted the solace gratefully for a moment. Then shaking herself, she stood up, forcing a smile. “I’m okay. James and I just aren’t meant to be. I need to focus on my blessings. I have good friends, like you. I have a good job. I even have the chance to buy my own little house. What’s to feel sorry for myself about?” Plenty. James counted for more than any of that. But now was as good a time as any to begin making herself forget him.

THE WEDDING LIST

127

She picked up her polishing cloth again. “Back to work. You have a customer.” Keeping busy got her through the rest of the day. Yesterday’s shy bride came back, with one of her bridesmaids this time instead of her mother, and changed half the things her mother had insisted she have on her gift list. A few Sunday afternoon browsers bought items. Not sensational sales, but enough. Then Imogen, looking effortlessly chic in designer jeans and a beautifully cut jacket that probably cost more than Beth earned in a month, stepped off the escalators and headed her way. Beth didn’t know whether to run, hide under her counter, or stand her ground. Surely Imogen wouldn’t go to the trouble of tracking her down to have another shot at her. On second thoughts, maybe Imogen would. Beth stood her ground, sucking in a deep breath. Too late now to run or hide. Willing herself to be strong, with a concrete bunker protecting her already shattered heart. She saw exactly when Imogen recognised her. That confident stride faltered, and uncertainty crossed her model thin, perfectly made up face. Oddly, Imogen looked as if much the same choices ran through her mind. As if she hesitated to approach Beth. Then she visibly straightened and marched over. Clearly, Imogen hadn’t come looking for her. Relief left Beth limp, leaning on the counter for support. The other woman almost smiled as she approached. An oddly nervous smile, but still a smile. Beth straightened her back too, and tried to paste on a suitably professional smile in return. “Beth. I didn’t expect to find you working here.” Imogen held out a card. “I came because of this.”

128

Autumn Macarthur

The store card she’d slipped into James’s gift box before wrapping it, a courtesy she added if the bride wasn’t one of ‘hers’. That way, the recipient knew where to exchange an unwanted gift, or to look for matching items. “How can I help you, Mrs Featherstonehaugh?” Such a typically Imogen name. Beth made sure to pronounce it Fanshaw, as Hugo had at the wedding. She wouldn’t give Imogen any ammunition to bully her, or any sign how much the past bullying had affected her, either. Imogen giggled. “Ridiculous, isn’t it? It will take me a while to get used to that name. Hardly anyone knows not to pronounce it the way it’s written.” A surprisingly sweet smile bloomed on Imogen’s face. “I didn’t expect to see you with James at the wedding.” Her hand slipped across the counter to touch Beth’s. “I’ve wanted the chance to tell you I’m sorry.” Beth resisted the urge to snatch back her hand and wipe it on her skirt. The slow burn of anger in her belly stopped her forgiving so easily. “That was an unkind trick,” she said. Imogen flushed dull red. “I’m so sorry. I meant to throw away all those invites I’d written on. I wanted costumes for everyone, but Mummy talked me out of it. My dress and choice of venue horrified her quite enough. I didn’t mean to single James out. As soon as I saw you I guessed what had happened.” “James shrugged it off, but I was mortified.” Beth didn’t try to keep the chill from her voice. James being the only one with the wrong invitation seemed too unlikely for pure coincidence. Imogen grimaced. “Of course. I’d be mortified too. All I can say is I’m sorry. You must have thought me horribly vindictive! I didn’t intend it, I promise. It really was just a silly mistake.” Beth had no intention of unbending. “If you wanted, you could have apologised to us at the reception. You were hardly friendly.”

THE WEDDING LIST

129

Imogen ducked, almost as if ashamed. “I know. I was wrong. It surprised me to see the two of you together. I’ve always been a little guilty about what a spoiled brat I was that summer. But I thought afterward, how perfect you looked together, and what sports you’d both been, not getting upset over the costumes. You both have such good hearts. Please, accept my apology.” Her smile and outstretched hand gave a chance to let go of the past. Beth’s face crumpled. Lowering her head, she pressed a hand over the ache behind her breastbone. She should forgive, but how could she, after ten years blaming Imogen for everything wrong in her life? But it wasn’t just Imogen. It had been her parents. Her aunt. The bullies at school. All her life, everyone had told her not to try aspiring for more, and every time she tried, it didn’t work out, proving them right. She’d even been angry with God, frustrated and unhappy with His plan for her life. Seemed she’d been wrong about Imogen. And if she had that so wrong, what else was she wrong about? God? And James, too? Oh, how she hoped so! Lifting her head, she leaned across the counter, and shook the other girl’s hand. “Okay.” Hardly enthusiastic, but done. “Good.” Letting go of Beth’s hand, Imogen’s smile widened. “That’s a huge weight of guilt off me. You two made a great couple, always reading and studying and walking together. I’m pleased my jealousy didn’t wreck what you and James had.” Astonishment shook Beth. “You were jealous of me?” Imogen raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow. “Of course. Why else would I behave so dreadfully?” Beth rubbed her throbbing forehead. Any more and her brain might explode. “But you told me I wasn’t good enough for him,

130

Autumn Macarthur

because I came from a council house. You said his family would never accept me and I’d ruin his career.” Imogen hung her head. “I was young. I wanted you gone. I had a pretty face and the right parents, but you talked science and philosophy and religion with James. You’re way cleverer than me, and he was crazy in love with you. Obviously, he still is.” Fragile tendrils of hope uncurled in Beth’s chest. A smile curved her lips. Perhaps, she and James had a chance after all. If he’d forgive her for running away again. “It’s okay. I didn’t have to believe what you said.” She’d chosen to believe it, because it fit in with her conviction that people judged her and found her wanting. She’d cared more about what other people thought than the truth. Imogen smiled. “That’s sorted then.” She tapped the card from the gift box on the counter top. “But what I’m really here for is to buy another piece by the same artist as the clock. Hugo loves it. We’re jetting off to Thailand tomorrow for a month, and I want to take his birthday present with us.” Only a few minutes later, she left, happily clutching a nicely wrapped package. The moment Imogen walked out of earshot, Anita popped her head around the corner like an irrepressible jack-in-the-box. “I heard everything. That was her, wasn’t it,” she declared dramatically. Beth nodded, standing shell-shocked and shaking by her cash register. “Now we just need James to turn up here again, so you two can make up.” Anita grinned, and brushed her hands together as if their happy ever after already happened. Beth wished that was true, but her sinking stomach wasn’t so sure. Her intent had been very different. Self-defensive, and for his sake too. Not malicious. But she’d behaved almost as badly to

THE WEDDING LIST

131

James last night as Imogen had to her ten years prior. She should have let James decide what he wanted, not let her fear do the deciding for him. Once again, she’d run off and left him. James wouldn’t come chasing her a third time. Any chasing now was up to her.

Chapter 19 Beth made it to the church James had pointed out the night before, just in time for Evensong. Outside the huge double doors, she hesitated, breath suddenly catching in her throat. Being here might be another mistake. The simple church she attended could easily fit in the entrance hall of this magnificent stone building. Shaking her head, she stepped through the door. This was about overcoming fear, not letting it stop her at the first hurdle. An attendant closed the door behind her and she scanned for James. Please, let him be here. Worshippers packed most of the carved pews, filling the beautiful interior. Hard to spot one person when all there to go on was the backs of a sea of bowed heads. She couldn’t locate him. But she could see that every woman in the place was far better dressed than she was. This wasn’t the place for someone like her. Face flaming and tempted to leave, she shrugged off the doubt and cringed into an empty pew, sitting directly behind a pillar where no-one would see her. Why did everything turn into more embarrassment? Beth closed her eyes, but her crushing sense of inadequacy got in the way of stilling her restless mind and finding God. The noise of the door opening turned her attention, giving her an excuse to stop trying. A bag lady came in, aged and wrinkled beyond her years, rustling an armful of plastic shopping bags. I hope she doesn’t sit next to me.

THE WEDDING LIST

133

Vague guilt gnawed Beth for such a wrong thought, a thought that had crushed her own soul many times, and in church too. Of course, the woman headed straight for her pew and sat next to her, as if the prayer worked like a magnet. The service began, words of worship washing over her, but she made her responses mechanically. The sour odour emanating from the collection of tattered and soiled clothing layered on the bag lady’s thin form made a powerful distraction. Even the soaring voices of the choir didn’t reach her. Then the robed minister read from Matthew 7. It was as if Jesus spoke directly to her. ‘Judge not, that ye be not judged.’ But she’d judged the homeless woman. She’d judged her parents. She’d judged so many people in her life. ‘For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.’ So of course, she judged herself just as hard, and thought everyone else judged her the same. Beth Forrest was a snob. Just as much as her Aunt Alice. Just as much as James’s mother, The Honorable Portia Tetherton. James said their values were wrong, and hers were just as wrong. Like the man Jesus spoke about in his parable, it was time to recognise the log in her own eye, and stop worrying about the specks of dust in other people’s. She’d been a coward, prettying up her cowardice as being for James’s sake. Her fear wasn’t so much for him, if they got together. It was for herself. Her fear of being bullied again, of being an outsider again, of losing what little she had now if things didn’t work out. She’d belittled James too, with the fear that her smallness would pull him down, letting herself worry more about what

134

Autumn Macarthur

other people might think than what James thought and what God said. Too afraid to ever truly let God’s love in, so she hadn’t allowed James’s love in either. All that had to change, and she had no idea how. But God did. Straight away He gave her the answer, as the reading continued. ‘Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.’ Of course. No-one couldn’t change themselves. Asking God was the answer. Another Bible verse came to her mind, as a blessing, as a gift. James told her fear ran her, and he was right. But perfect love drives out fear. Her gaze lifted to the candles glowing at the front of the church. With God’s help, she’d love that brightly, be a flame casting light in the darkness. By hiding in her fear, thinking it kept her safe, she was part of the darkness. At last, prayer came to her. Real prayer. The truest and deepest and most heartfelt she’d ever prayed. Lord, fill me with Your love. Help me to trust that You will be with me, every step of the way. Perfect my love. Make my love stronger than my fear. And stop me judging. Help me to see myself and others as You see us. All equal. All worthy of love. God’s blessed love filled her heart to overflowing. All would be well, no matter what happened with James. The service came to an end, with an invitation for the congregation to stand and greet each other with a holy kiss of fellowship, or at least a handshake. The dirty bag lady huddled in the pew, still sitting, not even looking up, as if she knew no-one would approach her. Beth touched the woman’s shoulder.

THE WEDDING LIST

135

The older woman cringed away like a beaten dog, then looked up, her red rimmed eyes fearful, as if expecting criticism. Sorrow crackled through Beth’s joy, bitter-sweet. Tears swelled her chest and stung her eyes. That’s me. Oh dear Lord, that’s how I’ve approached my life. Fear first. Expecting judgement. The realisation hit with sledgehammer force. “May I shake your hand?” Beth asked, holding out a trembling hand. “It’s that part of the service.” The bag lady’s forehead creased, as if she needed to puzzle out the words, then slowly responded. Beth clasped the grimy hand in both of hers. A wave of acceptance flooded her, pure and sweet. “Is there anything I can do to help you?” The woman raised her eyebrows. “I don’t need no help, miss.” Her voice wheezed out of her. “There’s a place behind the church where they feed us and I doss down. I just come in here to keep warm till it opens. Getting colder in the evenings now.” Beth let go of the woman’s hand, took off her cardigan and held it out, praying she wasn’t doing the wrong thing and insulting the woman. It was such a small insignificant gesture. But it was a start. A start in living less selfishly, and looking for other ways to help. The best time to begin was now. “Would you like this? It’s cosy. And clean. I’ve only had it on for an hour.” At first, the woman frowned, looking ready to refuse. Then she accepted the fluffy knit. “Thanks. Bless you and your man there too.” Her man? Beth looked up. In the crowded church, James had found her. He stood in front of her, with that shy sweet beloved smile of his and his hand outstretched.

136

Autumn Macarthur

Joy floated her heart as if it was a helium balloon, ready to rise to the high vaulted ceiling. This was another chance, an undeserved blessing. She mustn’t mess up this time. She reached for James’s hand. Their eyes met, and questions fled, replaced by happy sureness. They needed no words. Everything that needed to be said was there, in that long tender look full of promise. “You chased me,” he said, such wonder in his voice. “It was my turn. I made you do more than your share.” Her smile stretched so wide her face might stay that way permanently. Only one thing would stop that smile. “I think we can share a holy kiss,” she murmured, then stood on tiptoe to plant a kiss full on his surprised lips. His arms came around her, drawing her close as the kiss lengthened. This kiss went so much deeper and so much truer than their kiss on the bridge walkway at the wedding. This kiss held only love, not fear. Beth kissed him with the fullness of her heart and soul, strong and sweet and pure, hoping he’d hear the message her lips spoke. Her heart sang in a wordless prayer of thanksgiving. Only the sound of claps and laughter ended the kiss. A little dazed, she looked around. The congregation surrounded them, applauding. Her face heated, but her heart warmed too. Everyone smiled. No-one looked to be judging. Smiling back, she grabbed James’s hand. They bowed like two actors at the end of a performance. Except it was no performance. The feeling in their kiss was real. That’s when she knew God truly had healed her. The old Beth would have run and hidden in a cupboard at being the centre of attention this way.

THE WEDDING LIST

137

“Perhaps that was a little more than Paul and Peter had in mind when they recommended a kiss of peace in the churches,” the smiling minister said. “Make sure you invite us to the wedding.” James grinned and his grip on Beth’s hand tightened. “Let me do my own proposing, vicar!” He tugged her hand and they ran to the open doors together, like two naughty children. Outside, in the churchyard, he stopped under the golden glow of a lamp and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close. Melting into him, tenderness and longing filled her. No more resistance. No more running. Her legs were too wobbly for her to run, and she didn’t want to. This was exactly where God wanted her to be, although she’d been too stupid and stubborn and afraid to realise it until now. James gazed down into her eyes, so close his warm breath gently blew onto her lifted face. This time, she didn’t try to look away or hide. Meeting his steady gaze, she knew her love for him shone in her eyes. The same emotion shone in his, way brighter than the lamplight, with an intensity that made her quiver. Raising her hands to cup his face, she took a deep breath. It was her time to speak first, instead of hiding behind fear and waiting for James to speak. “I love you, James.” She smiled, a little fuzzily, blinking back the tears that trembled on the edge of spilling over. Her heartbeat pulsed in her throat. “I love you more than staying safe. I’m not afraid of loving any more. I won’t run away this time.” The happiness sweeping James’s face was enough blessing. He pulled her closer to his strong body with one arm, while his other hand lifted to gently stoke her hair back from her face. “Oh sweetheart, you don’t know how much I’ve longed to hear you say that. I love you too.”

138

Autumn Macarthur

Rocked by the joy pouring through her like a river, she lifted her face for his kiss. Instead, he pressed his fingers against her lips, and smiled as she kissed them instead. “I want us to get married. I knew ten years ago I wanted to spend my life with you. But I want you to be sure. So partner me to events at the University. Meet my friends. Meet my parents again. Then in one month’s time, I’ll ask you. Deal?” She nodded. “Deal,” she murmured against his fingers. Her heart was already sure, but loved him even more for not rushing her. Their life together might not always be easy. Some people might still judge her for her lack of education and for her family. The thought of the pre-wedding dinner and both sets of inlaws meeting made her shudder. But with God’s help, they’d make a good life together. A life blessed with love. At last, he moved his hand, tangling his fingers in her hair, and lowered his lips to hers. In their sweet kiss, she tasted the promise of forever.

Thank you for reading... I hope you enjoyed reading The Wedding List. If you did, please consider telling other readers and posting a short review on the site you downloaded this book, or anywhere else readers discuss books. Word of mouth is an author’s best friend and it helps people find the books they want to read. Your opinion counts! Thank you so much! Visit my books page to see all my published books! Books in the Love in Store series so far are: Book 1 – The Wedding List (this story); Book 2 – Believe In Me, a London Christmas story; Book 3 – A Model Bride, a Christmas/ New Year story set in London and Edinburgh; Book 4 – Forget Paris, a Paris Valentine’s Day story; Book 5 – Teapots & Tiaras, a summer wedding story; Book 6 – Heart in Hiding, due in spring 2017; A Garden for Loving, a linked spin-off story, due in summer 2017. The Macleans series follows a Scottish family as one by one they fall in love Book 1 – A Model Bride (also Love in Store book 3), Mac’s story; Book 2 – More Than Friends, Catriona’s story, summer in Edinburgh; Book 3 – A Lesson in Love , Fraser’s story, a sweet Edinburgh spring romance; Book 4 – The Real Thing, Brodie’s story, due in late 2017 Huckleberry Lake, a new US series set in an Idaho lakeside community

140

Autumn Macarthur

Book 1 – Calm & Bright Book 2 due in late summer 2017. Live with more joy! Lessons from Pollyanna ­ - includes the full text of the beloved children’s story, plus a chapter by chapter devotional, and far more! Would you like to get a FREE ebook, as well as be the first to know when my new books are published? Sign up for my newsletter here, or at any page on my website www.autumnmacarthur.com ! Subscribers have access to exclusive contests, and book news. Emails will arrive no more than once or twice a month, your email address will never be shared, and you can unsubscribe at any time. This free ebook, Least Expected, a Love in Store novella, is available for download as soon as you confirm your subscription.

About the Author Autumn Macarthur is an Australian writer of Christian romance living near London with her very English husband and three or more spoiled rescue cats. She loves reading, growing food, and writing deeply emotional stories to make you smile and remind you how big and wide and deep God's love and forgiveness can be. When she's not writing, in her garden, or trying to herd cats, she can be found here: blogging at http://faithhopeandheartwarming.com, on Facebook as Autumn Macarthur, and on Twitter as @autumnmacarthur. You can sign up for her newsletter here, or at any page on her website www.autumnmacarthur.com ! She’d love to hear from you! Faith, hope, & heartwarming – inspirational romance to make you smile.

British English Glossary As some of the British English terms the characters use may be new to readers, here are meanings for those most likely to be unfamiliar. Please let me know if there are other British-isms in the book that you’d like defined! Collywobbles – shakes, panic, nerves Council house – subsidised rental public or social housing Estate agent – real estate agent, realtor Filtch – steal Hooray Henrietta – a upper class British female with a sense of superiority. Often loud & boisterous in her pursuit of a jolly good time. The male version is a Hooray Henry. Hyacinth Bucket – a pompous & eccentric social climber from a poor working class background in the 90’s TV comedy “Keeping Up Appearances”, known for her exaggerated accent Rabbit – to chatter profusely, often without letting anyone get a word in. Rhyming slang: “rabbit & pork” = talk Sat nav – satellite navigation system for a vehicle Sink Estate – an area of council housing with high levels of social & economic deprivation. May be hard to move out of Sixth Form – final two years of secondary education from sixteen and eighteen, needed to enter university “The Honorable” – a courtesy title given to the younger sons of earls, and all children of viscounts or barons, if they will not inherit any other aristocratic title Warren – underground burrows of wild rabbits. Boys with the last name Warren are traditionally nicknamed “Bunny”

THE WEDDING LIST

143

“What can I do you for?” – a joking play on words implying the person speaking may be out to cheat or swindle you

Acknowledgements Thanks first and always to God, for creating me who I am, for giving me the opportunity to write, and for His wake-up call that He wanted me writing for Him. I couldn’t be happier to have Him as my Boss. Thanks to my parents for giving me the hunger to read, the teachers who taught me to read, and the writers of every book I‘ve ever read. Books have been my friends and my delight. Thanks to my writing friends over the years for support and encouragement. The Sassy Sisters- Maisey, Jackie, Robyn, Jilly, Aideen, Barbara, and Rach. The Fearbusters crew – Maggie, Ferdous, Destiny, and Edith. Special thanks to the Christian Indie Authors group, who’ve taught me so much. Most of all, huge and heartfelt thanks to Shannon, the bestest and most gifted writing buddy anyone could be blessed with, for brainstorming, for lots of laughs, for 2000 words a day of emails (yes, I checked!), for prayers, and for going above and beyond in helping edit this book. Not to forget the rowboat! Everything good in this book is down to her. I hope I can do as much to support her. Thanks to my writing teachers I’ve learned so much from, especially Laurie Sanders. And, last but definitely not least, thanks to my dear husband Arthur for supporting me in my dreams, even the crazy ones, and being so patient with me. I love you.

THE WEDDING LIST

145

Copyright 2014 © by Autumn Macarthur First ebook Edition, September 2014 Published by Faith, Hope, & Heartwarming http://faithhopeandheartwarming.com All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means— for example, electronic, photocopy, recording— without the prior written permission of the author. The only exception is brief quotations in printed or broadcast reviews. Your support and respect for the property of this author is appreciated. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental. Edited by Laurie Sanders and beta read by Shannon Marie Proofread by Trevor Jones