Drawn to You (Drawn to You #1) - Ker Dukey

Drawn to You Copyright © 2015 Ker Dukey All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission of the Author. This book is the work of fiction any resemblance to any person alive or dead is purely coincidental. The characters and story are created from the Author’s imagination. Any shared files without the author’s permission will be subject to prosecution. Formatting: Champagne Formats

Table of Contents Title Page Copyright Warning Dedication Drawn to You Chapter 1 Amethyst Chapter 2 Blue violet Chapter 3 Alabama crimson Chapter 4 Azure Chapter 5 Emerald Chapter 6 Topaz Chapter 7 Indigo Chapter 8 Ivory Chapter 9 Jade Chapter 10 Violet Chapter 11 Magenta Chapter 12 Gold Chapter 13 White Chapter 14 Silver Chapter 15 Butter yellow

Chapter 16 Rose pink Chapter 17 Bronze Chapter 18 Prussian purple Chapter 19 Slate grey Chapter 20 Taupe Chapter 21 Apricot Chapter 22 Yellow Chapter 23 Periwinkle Chapter 24 Sepia Chapter 25 Cornflower blue Chapter 26 Mulberry Chapter 27 Burnt orange Chapter 28 Sepia Chapter 29 Pearl Blue Chapter 30 Charcoal Chapter 31 Aqua Chapter 32 Navy Chapter 33 Puce Chapter 34 Wisteria Chapter 35 Flax Chapter 36 Moccasin Chapter 37 Olive green

Chapter 38 Misty rose Chapter 39 Coral The people that make it happen: Other titles by Ker Acknowledgements

Warning: This title is book one of two. For readers who favor my darker edge, this title is a lot lighter than you’ll be used to from me. However, this title still has some disturbing scenes that can cause triggers to the sensitive reader, please read with caution. Thank you for reading

Antonia uses a couple of UK terminologies For reference:

Chemise - An attractive Just above the knee, strappy nightgown Knob - Dick Slung on - thrown on Apartment - Condo

BLOOD. SO MUCH BLOOD pumping from his neck; the warmth of it spraying my face, causing vomit to rise in my throat. I hear my mother’s screams and all I want to do is scream too, but fear steals my voice, steals my fight, steals my

soul. “Are you okay? Hey, wake up!” Pain pierces through both of my palms as I’m roused from my nightmare. My eyes shoot open and I’m startled to see a pretty brunette staring down at me, her eyes wide and searching my face with a furrowed brow. The nightmare was intense and I have bloodied half-moon dents from my fingernails in each palm to prove it. Air fills my lungs as I gasp to take a breath, the dim light overhead making my eyes sting and mist with water. Muffled voices of other passengers rush reality to the forefront of my mind, clearing the lingering dark hold of my dream. “I’m sorry,” I mutter to the girl still gaping down at me. I look down to my hands and quickly turn them over. She retakes her seat beside me, clipping her belt into place. “Are you okay? We’re nearly there. They’ve put on the fasten seatbelt sign.” She gestures to the blinking warning light telling us to do just that.

“Are you frightened of flying?” she asks in a sweet, American accent. “I’m fine.” I push a smile to my lips to reassure her, and hopefully to stop her asking any more questions. I turn my attention to the window; the lights of the runway we’re steadily approaching glitter in the distance, causing me to exhale a thankful breath that this thirteen-hour flight is almost over. I can’t believe I had a freaking nightmare. It had been over six months since my last one and I really thought they were a thing of the past. Trust me to pack up and move halfway around the world for a fresh start, only to full back a step. It’s like being an addict. My clean days start back at zero. Memories overflow my mind; blood, death, that filthy pig’s stale breath suffocating me. Beads of sweat break out across my forehead as I struggle to stop myself reliving it. Old scars tingle and bite with imaginary pain. Quickly digging into my bag, I pop the lid of my anxiety pills then chuck one into my mouth and

swallow. The girl watches me take my pill and reads the label “Xanax RT.” Her eyebrows crash together and her body leans away from mine so much that she’s almost hanging in the gangway. Small-minded witch. Like everyone else in my life, she can’t get far enough away. I’d take offence and say something to her but I’m used to it by now and what does it really matter what she thinks? Everyone struggles to be around me, even my family, hence my move.

Exiting the plane, I watch the girl rush down the terminal without another look in my direction. A small humorless laugh erupts from my chest as I slowly follow the crowd. New start, Antonia. The noise of the airport mixed with the bright lights, and the smell of coffee invade my senses. My body relaxes and my mind follows as the chemicals from my pills caress my blood stream.

I snatch up my suitcase and jump straight into a cab then give him the address of my friend Gaby, who I’ll be staying with until my own place is sorted. Gaby was one of my best friends in high school. Our moms are best friends and stayed in touch, even when we moved half way around the world for Daddy’s job. The last time I saw Gaby was when she flew over for my sweet sixteenth birthday party four years ago, I’m a little apprehensive about staying with her, despite us talking on the phone to each other at least once a week. I’m American born, but we moved to England when I was a year old, then back to the States when I was eleven. My English accent is strong but I picked up some American over my teen years. It wasn’t until I was fourteen that Daddy had an amazing business opportunity, which meant a move back to the UK. He’s a businessman so we always went where the money was. I’m not going to complain; he’s the reason I don’t have student debt or need a part time job. I can focus completely on

my art at Brown University. I chose Brown because Rhode Island already feels like a second home to me and was always the dream with me being an artist; it has an incredible arts department. If I hadn’t been with James at the time of picking universities, Brown would have been my first choice. Instead, I followed James to Cambridge. We thought we would be together forever, soul mates, but life threw us a curve ball we weren’t strong enough to get past, and soul mates became just boyfriend and girlfriend, and then just boy and girl. A scarred, damaged girl.

DADDY HAD BEEN RELUCTANT to let me live alone. He finally agreed that I need my own place rather than staying in the dorms when Mom made him aware I wouldn’t be allowed to stay on campus grounds during breaks. He didn’t want to worry I would end up in a bus shelter, huddled in a sleeping bag. The apartment that will eventually be mine is right next door to Gaby’s. The apartments

are built on a new development plot. We got really lucky; half of them haven’t been sold yet as there’s still work to be finished, but Daddy has connections so he got a great price. I soak in the surroundings and mentally high five myself. I struggled to leave the house to go to the local shop back home, but here I’m putting my big girl panties on and changing my life, hopefully for the better. Couldn’t get any worse. The cab driver slows to a stop and Gaby bounds out of the doors to greet me. Her bobbed, brown hair bounces around her pretty features. She throws her arms around me and squeals, and I’m transported back to being fourteen again, my nerves evaporating, leaving nothing but excitement. “Let me look at you!” she screeches. “My God, you’re still gorgeous. I’m so jealous of your bust.” If she were a guy she wouldn’t get away with staring so hard at my boobs and then cupping them with a breathy, “Wow.” “Yours never did grow then?” I jest, pulling a sad face.

Looking down at her small bust, she pouts. She’s taller than me, easily five nine, with a slim frame. “No, you got my share, or my ass did.” Her head swivels to look down at her voluptuous rump shaking as she wiggles her hips. We both laugh until the cab driver coughs with no subtlety. I give him an apologetic smile, tip him well, and take my luggage from him before hurrying inside. The elevator takes us up to where Gaby’s, mine, and one other apartment make up the fourth floor. A penthouse takes up the entire fifth floor, but is still vacant, according to Gaby. Her place is gorgeous; her huge oak front door opens up to a tiled hallway. The colors are neutral and modern, while black and white photographs of her adorn the walls. “Dump your things in there,” she says, pointing to the first room on the right of the hallway. My eyes bulge when I notice her open walk-in closet brimming with more clothes and shoes than any

store would stock. I wonder if I can squeeze my boobs into her clothes? I dump my luggage and run to tour the rest of the place. She doesn’t bother showing me the room she waves off as, “Just my brother’s room, but he’s never here.” We walk straight through to an open archway that leads to a beautiful white gloss-effect kitchen suite. The kitchen opens up into the living area where Gaby opens a bottle of wine. We slouch down on her enormous corner settee that governs the living space right in front of the huge flat screen TV, my eyes immediately notice a painting hanging on the wall beside the dining table; it’s a Jacob Gambit piece. Expensive, cultured, and out of place in such a modern setting, and I know Gaby’s not really into artwork. Must have been a gift. An expensive gift.

I’m so relaxed. Sitting here with Gaby feels natural and easy, as weird as that sounds. I’d tried so hard back home to go back to the old me and to make everyone not feel uncomfortable around me that I forgot how to just be normal, to accept that something really shitty happened to me, and it changed me. Talking to her as if we’ve never been apart is like a breath of fresh air. She knows what I went through to an extent, and she’s not letting that cloud her emotions or the way she sees me. No anxiety lingers, no pity in her eyes. I need that from her. I needed that from James. From everyone. She’s very animated and touchy-feely, but the comfort I feel with her allows me not to flinch when her hands grasp mine with affection. “It’s like he’s stepped up to fill his role or something,” Gaby says. She’s talking about her brother and how her dad’s death last year affected the family dynamics. Her mom has coped well with his death but is taking more holidays and joining social clubs to keep herself busy, so Gaby doesn’t see her as often as she used to. Gaby smiles but the strain is evident in her downcast

eyes, the shadows underneath giving away signs of sleepless nights. “Maybe he feels obligated. He’s the head of the family now and he more than likely feels a lot of pressure to be strong for you and your mom.” She gulps down another mouthful of wine like it’s a glass of pop. “Forget about my brother. Tell me about you. How did James take the move?” I groan and swig my own wine. “To be honest he’s been wrapped up in his own stuff lately.” I shrug and she takes the hint that I don’t really have much to say about him. Before we know it, three hours have passed and we’re just getting onto the topic of the student male to female ratio at Brown when the front door opens and crashes closed, causing me to tense and nearly drop my glass.

“WHAT THE FUCK, FIN? You scared us half to death” Gaby shouts at the man standing in the opening where the kitchen meets the living space. Finlay Hayes; Gaby’s older brother. I still the tremor in my hand by placing it under my thigh as I assess the intruder on our girl time. He throws his keys and cell onto the counter. “Watch your mouth, Gaby. What have I told you about having people

here when I’m not around? And drinking? Did you turn twenty-one while I was away? Because I’m pretty sure you didn’t,” he replies, his tone deep and controlled. He’s wearing a steel grey suit; clearly it was made just for him, hugging every curve, sliding over each ridge of his tight muscle. Oh, shit. Is he staring at me staring at his body? He’s easily over six feet tall. His messy brown hair is in disarray. It’s that sexy just-woke-upmessy that everyone is rocking lately, when in fact is not just-woke-up-messy, it’s a stylist or perfectionist who spent a good hour getting every strand into place and yes, he is staring at me. Oh, God, and with intense, dark green eyes. He’s absolutely gorgeous. It’s as if crystal-eyed deluxe Barbie boned elite GI Joe special edition and he is the offspring. Okay, I could have made a better comparison, but damn it, my brain is cut off because all my blood is pumping south and making me squirm on the seat. “No offence.” He smirks at me and, of course, a dimple dents his cheek making me nearly

combust on the spot the . . . knob face! Oh, man, there really is no blood going to my brain. “I don’t like any of Gaby’s friends,” he adds, like that makes it better. “Finlay, you’re so fucking rude! You haven’t been here for over a month, you never answer your phone. Oh, and when you are around more than once a month, you can lecture me on drinking age,” Gaby says, raising her voice. “I tried to call to tell you. Antonia is staying here for a few weeks.” “No way, Gaby.” If a sinkhole were to suddenly open in the middle of the room, I would dive into it like a pro right about now. My vagina is screaming, “Go hump his leg,” and my brain is saying, “Go punch him in the balls and watch him cry.” “Your friends aren’t staying here, especially ones I’ve never even seen you with before. I told you that when I bought this place.” I know I’m bright red; I can feel the fire lighting up my cheeks. I’ve never felt more awkward and unwelcome in my life. What does he even mean, not seen her with before? Does he not

remember me or even know I was coming to camp here for a few weeks? Awkward . . . no mortifying would be a better word. I know her brother can be a bit of a dick from all the conversations my mom had had with his mom over the years but he was young and in college when I was in the picture so I never got to be around him much. “Mom said she was going to speak to you about it. If you ever checked base with anyone you would know the arrangement! It’s Maria and Jeff’s Antonia. She transferred to Brown and her dad bought the apartment next door, remember? The builders are just finishing the work on it so quit being a douche!” He refocuses his gaze on me, his expression unreadable, and just as I’m about to tell him what a dick he’s being, and that I can stay in a hotel if it’s going to cause problems, his face softens. His tense jaw relaxes and his shoulders drop, along with his sneer. Recognition flickers in his eyes. “Shit! You’ve grown!” he practically growls at

me, making a hot flush coat my skin. I’d only seen Finlay on holidays when he came home to his parents’ from college for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but we never interacted more than the courteous hello and goodbye. He never stayed around for long but I didn’t think I’d changed enough that he wouldn’t recognize me. I smile a sarcastic smile. “Good eye! Detective states the obvious!” Gaby begins laughing hysterically, grabbing her stomach as if in pain. Clearly she’s had enough wine. Narrowing his eyes at her childish reaction, he disappears back the way he came. I know he stays with Gaby but I was told he’s never here so I didn’t expect to see him, especially not on my first night. I’m a little flustered from the wine and the heat from his prolonged gaze. Gaby’s wiping amused tears from her eyes. “That was so funny!” She laughs, putting her hand up to high five me. I cock a brow, my way of asking if she’s serious, but she gyrates on the spot and shouts, “Don’t leave me hanging!”

When Finlay comes back out to join us, he’s showered; his hair still damp and all those perfect strands lay like silk over his face. He’s wearing light blue jeans, and a black sweater. I’ve always known he’s good-looking but so has he—instant turn off. “I have friends coming over, Gabs. You might want to take Antonia out for a bit, do girl stuff or whatever.” “That would be right,” Gaby snaps. “You waltz in here, tell me I can’t have people over, but it’s okay for you to have people here.” It was more of a statement then a question but he feels the need to answer her anyway. “I pay for everything around here, so I can do what I like. Plus, all your friends are either tramps or thieves. Mine are not. Well, they’re not thieves.” He grins. I’m insulted but I don’t voice my disagreement

because Gaby is spitting teeth she’s so mad at him. “Mia didn’t steal my fucking ring, Finlay! She wouldn’t do that, and you didn’t turn Kristy down when she offered you that blowjob, so how can you judge her? You’re just as bad.” “One, watch your mouth! Two, Mia stayed here and was gone when you woke up, as was your ring. You don’t need to be a detective to figure that one out!” He turns to flash me a sarcastic look, one side of his face rising with his lip curl. “Three, I don’t want you hanging around girls who offer blow jobs to people after knowing them for only two hours. Four, I only let her give me one because I was drinking. She practically tackled me to the bed and was gobbling my cock like an enthusiastic drug whore hoping I’d cum crack. And might I add, she did it before I could push her off, and for the record, she was fucking bad at it and I didn’t even come so it doesn’t count.” He who protests too much . . . “Ew, gross. Enough info, Finlay! Geez!” “If you’re staying then order food for everyone. I need to go to the store for beer because you can’t

keep the fridge stocked.” He throws money on the table and leaves.

I GO FOR A change of clothes to freshen up, and opt for jeans and a tee that shows a little midriff. I untangle my blonde spiral curls that hang down my back and tie it into a messy ponytail before applying my cover up to conceal the faint scar on the base of my neck. It covers easily but still leaves me paranoid that someone might notice it. I hide the other scars with thick bracelets on both

wrists. One is a cute white gold charm bracelet; James bought it for me as a gift the first time he said he loved me. Memories of how awkward and nervous he was when he gave it to me and then spoke those special words always make me smile. And make me sad. On my left wrist I wear a leather, plaited rope friendship band Gaby made me when we were thirteen; it’s faded but holds sentimental value. I apply a little mascara over my lashes that frame my oval-shaped bright green eyes. James always said after my boobs they’re my best feature. Boys and their toys. “Dinner’s here,” Gaby calls out, snapping me from my thoughts. “Hurry, before the boys get here.” The divine scent of pizza fills the apartment from the five large boxes stacked on the dining table. “Dig in,” Finlay says from over my shoulder. “Then again, maybe you don’t like to eat.” He casts a snide look down at my stomach. I have lost a little weight overdoing track and gym but I’m not

skinny by a long shot. He’s just being a dick, and my Finlay Hayes tolerance limit is already brimming. “Actually, I do like to eat. And I’m not bad at it.” With fake confidence, I walk past him and reach for a plate. He was just taking a swig of his beer as I said it, which he is now choking on as he appears to realize I was referring to his earlier conversation about Kristy eating his cock. He looks at me like I’ve just done a magic trick. Wiping the beer from his lips with his forearm, he stares at me with bemused eyes. Ha! Take that you cocky shit. He smashes my pride a few seconds later, finding his voice, “Well, well, and here I was thinking you were an innocent virgin.” I can feel the color drain from my face, along with every bit of fight in me. My body solidifies to the spot. How would he even know that? As if reading my mind he continues, “My sister talks; that’s how I know.”

My mind races with everything else she could have told him. I need something to say but can’t bring myself round from this awful, sinking feeling. Loud laughter resonating from the hall interrupts the mortifying exchange. Five guys bowl into the living room, followed by Gaby. “Hayes,” one of the male voices shouts, but I can’t focus to see which one is speaking at first. “Clear this up for us. If your buddy’s seeing a girl but hasn’t boned her yet, she’s fair game for the rest of us. True?” “That doesn’t usually stop you either way.” Finlay snorts. Noticing me, the guy talking pins his dark blue eyes on me, finding my chest before my face. He walks over to me, invading my personal space. “Well, hello, cutie. Where you been keeping her, Hayes? I’m Gavin.” He smiles, showing off a perfect set of white teeth. He has dirty blonde hair in a crew cut, and a cheeky face. He’s a little shorter than Finlay but not by much, and everything about him screams designer. He takes my hand to his lips. “You can come stay with me when you get bored of him.” He nods his head towards Finlay.

“Wow,” I breathe, almost relieved that I don’t feel frozen to the spot anymore, and my wits come back to me along with the feeling in my legs. “As appealing as that sounds, Gavin, Finlay will never be exciting enough for me to even become bored of. I’m here with Gaby.” Laughter breaks out around the room, all except Finlay’s. “Oh, Hayes, she’s feisty. I like her and she has a sexy accent too.” “Hey, I’m Brad, and this is Jason, Mike and Gabe,” says a cute dark-haired guy, pushing Gavin aside and smiling at me. He has light blue eyes, complementing an angelic face. He’s about six feet two in height, the same as Finlay. “Antonia.” I offer my hand for him to shake. “Nice to meet you.” “Well, let’s get this party started,” Gavin bellows, grabbing a beer and cramming a slice of pizza into his mouth. “I have some things I need to do, so have fun,” I say, leaving the room, quickly followed by Gaby.

Gavin holds his arms up in the air with mock offence. “Was it something I said?” Once in Gaby’s room, she rushes over to me. “You okay, Antonia?” she asks, concern deepening her voice. “No. Why did you tell your brother I’m a virgin?” She turns her head away, her cheeks pinking and her eyes cast down sheepishly. “I just wanted him to keep his friends away from you. I’m sorry. They can be full on. I didn’t want you to have to deal with . . . that, so I wanted to warn him to not let them be jerks. Really, I’m sorry.” Her voice is full of remorse. “It’s fine, Gabs, but I’m not going to break just because there’s a bunch of rowdy men. It’s not like that. I can handle myself anyway. Believe it or not, I don’t mind male attention. The sick fuck that did what he did wasn’t anything like them. I know the difference.” “I’m so sorry,” she quietly pleads, her sorrow evident in her body language as she reaches to

embrace me. “Did you tell him anything else?” My voice breaks slightly. “No! You told me not to tell anyone. I wouldn’t.” “Okay, well, it’s just . . . I don’t need people knowing my shit. I want a fresh start.”

I DON’T KNOW WHAT time Finlay’s friends left last night but they were loud when they did. The door crashing closed behind them nearly made me pee all over poor Gaby, who hogs the covers, by the way. I make my way to the kitchen looking like an extra from The Walking Dead. Coffee is already filtering in the percolator and there’s an entire breakfast buffet laid out on the table.

“Morning,” Finlay chirps from behind me. He’s topless and I’m not sure I’ve actually woke up yet because surely no man that defined can be real. “Have you never seen a topless man before?” “Yes, of course I have.” “Your dad’s doesn’t count.” I offer him the finger. He holds his hands up in surrender and tilts his head to the side while observing me, and I try not to blush under his scrutiny, but the way his tongue dips out to moisten his lip makes it hard not to. “I’m just joking, and I offer breakfast as a peace offering for my shitty behavior last night.” I narrow my eyes at him. “Really?” His throaty laugh echoes around the kitchen. “I’m not usually such a dick. I was just thrown seeing you there when I came in. Gaby isn’t the best when making people choices but it was unfair of me to assume you were just another friend she picked up.” “I am one of her friends though, which makes me . . . what? A thief or a tramp?” I ask, not letting him of the hook just yet. He nods and folds his

arms over his chest. “Well, I know you’re not hurting for money so I’m ruling out thief.” “So . . . tramp?” I brace my hands on my hips, readying my foot to swing forward and collide with his balls. “Would it be bad of me if I said I’m kinda hoping that’s the case?” A huge smile breaks out across his face as my mouth drops open. “Oh my God. I must admit, I love this about you when you’re here,” Gaby says, walking in and pouring herself a cup of coffee. “Yay, food!” She walks over to the table and snatches up a crispy piece of bacon, and bites a chunk of it. “He may be a douche at times, but he’s a douche who can cook.” She’s right; breakfast is divine and makes me too full to go for a run.

I’m staring up at a tall, mirrored building. It’s

impressive and makes me want to sketch it. Finlay had called Gaby, asking her to bring a file he left back at the apartment down to his office. I decided to tag along so we could stop off at a store and pick up some candy for a film night we have planned later. I pull a Twizzler from my bag, ignoring the judgmental eye from Gaby. “I like candy, sue me.” I shrug, causing her to roll her eyes. “Well, save some for tonight because I nervous eat when watching scary movies.” I don’t bother to tell her that while she was looking for lemon drops down the hard candy aisle, I bought over $10 worth of Twizzlers. The building is heaving with people in suits, all looking important and hot and bothered, rushing from one office to the next. They all appear to know Gaby and an array of greetings are fired at us. Finlay’s office is freaking huge. The desk his ass is sitting on is the size of Gaby’s bed. “Oh, you both came. Wanted to bring me lunch, Antonia?” he asks. I’m too busy scanning the impressive space and

the amazing artwork on the walls to care that he’s being cocky again. I pull the half eaten Twizzler from my mouth and stride over to his desk, leaning past him and placing the Twizzler beside his steaming cup of coffee. “Sure did. Enjoy.” Leaning over, he grabs the chewed on candy stick and shoves it in his mouth. Talking around the mouthful he moans, “Mmm, Antonia. Spit flavor may be my new favorite.” “You’re gross.” He rewards me with one of his throaty laughs that make me tingle in my nether regions. “I’ll wait outside,” I tell Gaby, who jumps into a conversation with Finlay about their mother acting off. I have a little wander around and cheekily help myself to some water at a cooler. “Small world,” Brad’s voice says from my right. I turn to find him grinning from ear to ear and it’s infectious. “I came for the great water,” I joke, holding up my cup.

His eyes drag from my face to the cup and back again. “Ah, yes, but stay away from the coffee. Between me and you, they don’t swap out the filters as often as they should.” He winks. “I’ll bear that in mind. Thanks for the heads up.” “Anytime.” Silence falls between us, and just as I’m about to talk about the weather, Gaby calls out for me. “See you around,” I tell him. “I hope so.”

I’m laughing at Gaby who has been hiding her face under the covers for the entire second half of the movie. She’s also practically in my lap and I have to keep nudging her back into her own space. I jump up to switch the DVD for the sequel. “That was so good!” she says. I re-take my seat on the couch next to her and

press play on the remote. “You hid for half of it.” “I could still hear it though.” A shadow falls over me and Finlay’s frame fills my vision. He flops down in between us, making us both shift at the same time so he doesn’t sit on us. “What are we watching then?” he asks, getting comfortable. “Insidious 2,” I grate out, giving him the stink eye for interrupting and stealing my bag of Bon Bons from the coffee table. He burrows under the covers, his warm thigh resting against mine, and then, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, he takes my drink from my hand and helps him self to a hearty gulp before placing back in my palm and leaning his weight against my side. Half way through the film, Gaby trundles off to bed with a “Screw that scary ass kid.” I’m left with a snoring Finlay leaning against me. I maneuver from under him and stifle a giggle when his body slides down the couch. I debate pulling my covers from him, knowing if I don’t, Gaby will hog ours and I’ll be left cold for the night. He sighs in his sleep and burrows further into my quilt, so I

switch the movie off and let him keep it.

Oh, perfect I just get back from a run with sweaty hair, wet and hanging loose from the hair band attempting but failing to keep it in place. I’m wearing sweats and an old Muse t-shirt with a stain on it from spilt juice, and who’s sitting looking perfect in a suit and tie, tapping away at his laptop? Mr sexy/annoying as hell Finlay, that’s who. He gets up and knocks back whatever is in his mug, closing his computer, and smirks as he takes in my attire. “There’s eggs still hot on the stove. Help yourself, and tell Gaby I won’t be back for dinner.” He waltzes past me, his scent hitting me in the face like invisible mist . . . delicious scented mist. “Do I look like your secretary?” I mumble over my shoulder, grabbing a bottle of water I’d left on

the counter from earlier then guzzling it down. The warm palm hitting my ass cheek causes a screech to choke out of me and water to spurt everywhere. Warm air hits my earlobe as Finlay whispers, “No, you definitely do not look like my secretary.” Did he really slap my butt? “Hang on. Is that an insult or a compliment?” I call after him as he chuckles and shuts the front door behind him. Looking down at my outfit, I scrunch my nose up. I need some new clothes and I need to kick his ass for slapping mine.

The next morning I once again find Finlay at the table with his laptop, a discarded plate with remnants of eggs and bacon, and a mug brimming with coffee. His eyes do a sweep of my attire, which is plain PJs, and that grin with the dimple that lifts his lips makes me squeeze my thighs

together “There’s eggs and bacon on the stove.” “Is this groundhog day?” I ask, walking into the kitchen and taking out the makings for a fruit smoothie. He stands, walks across the kitchen, and settles right in front of me. If I breath out my nipples will touch him. Crap, now my mind’s going to bad places . . . or good places . . . really good places. Sigh. I jump when his hand swipes down my tee, just above my right boob. “No stain.” “What?” His eyes spark a shade brighter. “Not groundhog day.” My cheeks heat and I have to shake my head to clear the thoughts there. “Where did you go just now?” he asks, moving forward. I step back, backing into the fridge. “Hey, guys,” Gaby’s voice penetrates the thickening tension. “Smoothie!” I shout, shimmying past an amused Finlay. “Erm, sure?” she answers, unsure if I was

asking if she wants one, or just announcing that’s what I’m doing. My heart is beating fast in my chest, akin to the speed it would go if I were running a marathon. “You look flushed. Have you been running again?” she asks with distaste in her tone, like running is an illness she might catch. “No, she was just thinking about working out. The kind that gets you really hot and sweaty,” Finlay pipes in, and I nearly drop the knife I’m using to cut up an apple. Gaby narrows her eyes on us both. “Did I interrupt some gross kitchen sex or something?” My mouth drops open and Finlay walks out. Why didn’t he tell her no? “Seriously?” I reprimand her, to which she just shrugs and leans over, scooping up a piece of bacon from Finlay’s pan. I’m left hot and bothered for the rest of the day.

The next week consists of more of the same intense stares between Finlay and me. There are many close encounters that leave my body humming with need, and my mind with the urge to lock him out so he can stop playing my lust-craving body like a video game, pausing before ever getting to the good parts. Do I even want that from him? He’s annoying and cocky and hot . . . confident . . . The times I’m not locked in some stare off or dangerous mind fantasy, I spend my time with Gaby, shopping for new clothes and school supplies. And then like he was never there, he’s gone, leaving just a note telling me I can use his room.

GABY AND I QUICKLY settle into a routine, taking it in turns to cook, and sharing the chores. Over the past few weeks we’ve had film nights, pamper days, and I’ve spent hours laughing as she acts out receiving an Oscar. Her ambition is to become an actress. She’s had a few small parts in commercials but she’s still studying theatre and performance art at Brown so she doesn’t go to

many castings. We love living together; we even talked about her moving in with me once my place is ready so she doesn’t have to put up with Finlay appearing out of nowhere and making demands about the apartment. The builders put my moving in day back a couple of weeks, which doesn’t bother me as Finlay’s never there anyway . . . I kind of miss our back and forth, confusing as hell interactions but It feels like Gaby’s place and mine now. Gaby admits to me that Finlay has become more protective of her since their father passed. He still treats her like a child when he’s around so it’s a relief for her that work keeps him away a lot of time. Finlay took over their father’s business when he suddenly passed from a heart attack, and it means a lot of travelling. It is a huge responsibility for someone so young but it’s in his blood. He also has a business degree and graduated with honors. It’s the path their father always planned for him,

but not at his age or under these circumstances. I’m not quite sure on the specifics of his company. I know it has to do with construction and his company is the owner of the site our apartments are built on which is how my Dad got the great deal. Well, that’s the gist I got from overheard conversations, anyway. I never had reason to ask before, so I never did. Gaby informed me that Finlay has properties in all the major cities; he has to spend several weeks at a time in different parts of the world and hates living from a hotel room. I’ve taken over his bedroom here. His room is cavernous, slightly bigger than Gaby’s with dark wood flooring and furniture. Black bedding lays over a super king sized bed that now smells of my apricot body lotion. My clothes cover his desk and floor as I haven’t bothered to fully unpack, and just pull clothes from the suitcase and piles, as I need them. I accuse Gaby of being messy but I’m just as bad. School starts in two weeks, and nerves creep in with every passing day about starting again after

taking a year out to deal with the trauma of my ordeal. After what happened, I couldn’t face James at university. Our old friends who knew the details of what happened didn’t know how to act around me, so they avoided me instead. I managed to get a transfer, as my grades are good. I’m a talented artist and I was offered scholarships to most of the prestigious universities, so Brown were happy to accept me. They were also very understanding of my circumstances and offered their support to make my transition as easy as possible. Art has always been my passion. I’ve been drawing and painting as long as I can remember. I also have a passion for music. I play piano and love to sing, which helps me. Expressing my pain through art and music is therapy for me. I used to be in James’ band before everything happened but that also stopped and I spent more time painting than ever before. Some of my art has already made me some money; business acquaintances of Daddy’s noticed my paintings hanging in his office and asked for some of my

work. I was excited to get lost in my art and to actually earn money for it. I’ve only sketched a couple of times since arriving here so, feeling serious withdrawals, I get out my pad to draw a little before I take a shower to freshen up. I’m still using Gaby’s bathroom to shower and wash, as I don’t want to intrude on Finlay any more than I already am.

Gaby isn’t there when I make my way through her room but that isn’t unusual; she has her own life, even with me here, so when I open the door to find her in the shower having sex with Mike, one of Finlay’s friends, I nearly die of embarrassment and shock. Oh, God, all their junk is just right there! “Shit! Sorry, Gabs,” I stutter, trying to cover my eyes and exit at the same time. Just as I’m about to run and hide, a wet, naked

Gaby rushes out towards me, nearly slipping on the tiles. “Antonia, you can’t say anything! Finlay would kill him. Please!” She covers her private area using her hand, her other arm clasping across her modest breasts, as water drips down her body, forming a puddle at her feet. Her eyes don’t focus on mine and her lip is being gnawed to death by her teeth. “I wouldn’t tell him, you know that. Finlay who, anyway?” I smile, raising my hand to high five her. “He is fit, Gabs. Go girl!” “I know, right? He is so yummy and sweet. I think I’m falling in love with him, Antonia.” Wow, okay. This is more than junk sharing. This is a conversation we need to come back to and seemingly agreeing with me she changes the subject. “Did you want to shower? Finlay’s room has a kick ass en-suite with a huge tub. Just use his.” “Are you sure? I didn’t want to take over his whole room.” “It’s practically your room, Antonia. You’ve

used it more than he has!” She shrugs, and then tiptoes back down the hall to her room. “Have fun!” I wink. She blows me a kiss before shutting the door.

THE STEAM FILLS THE room as I fill the tub, I haven’t soaked in the bath since living at home with my parents; it’s just what I need. Finlay’s bathroom is kick ass. It boasts a huge corner bath and a walk in shower that could easily fit six people in. Six Finlay’s. Oh, God. Seeing Gaby entwined with Mike makes me miss being in a relationship. I long for someone to

get close to. God, they looked hot together, all naked and wet. Mike is tall and lean; they suit each other. Gavin tried calling to ask me out. He left a crude message on the house answering machine, something about dinner then body shots and him for dessert. There’s no way I’ll let him near me, let alone take me on a date. Brad, on the other hand, is sweet. He asked Gaby if I’m seeing anyone and if he could have my number. We’ve been sending texts back and forth a little this week, and I’m going out with him at the weekend for dinner and a movie. Brad works for Finlay. They’ve been friends since high school. That was where I met James. We were friends before we started dating so being with him was natural and easy. James and I had been together for nearly two years; we had planned for our first time together to be the weekend my parents were going out of town for my dad’s birthday, but that was when it all took place, shattering my life, leaving me broken. We

never got past it; he couldn’t forgive himself even though I never blamed him for what happened. He blamed himself for not getting to me in time. As the hot water fills the bath, I peel the layers of clothing from my skin. I grab my iPod, plug in my earphones then rest my iPod on the corner of the bath before turning off the taps and stepping into the water; it feels like silk being draped over my flesh, gently teasing it. My face heats as memories of what it felt like to be touched by James burn in my mind. Before it all turned to shit we were very sexual. We had passed all the bases except the last one, but that was more because of him than me. I was more than ready but he had had a bad experience with a girl who cried half way through, making him feel like a rapist. He always wanted to wait until I was over eighteen and one hundred percent ready, so I indulged him, knowing it would be worth the wait. James had amazing hands; gentle, loving. He was also a good kisser and always made me feel

loved and cherished. He was my first love. I still love him and probably always will. My favorite song by Pink plays through my earphones as I lay with my eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of the water lapping over my now hard nipples. A dull ache begins to throb between my thighs; I just want to feel wanted again. I’m so lonely. My hands slide over my body, stroking my soft, wet skin. Heat fires low in my pussy. My hands move down to touch myself where the ache is building. I slowly sway, making the water lap faster over my breasts. I bring one hand up to tease my nipple while the other strokes gentle circles over my clit, making my breath catch. My body tightens, coiling with anticipation. I’m right there, chasing my orgasm, and just as I’m about to topple over into a blissful climax, I hear a gushing sound over my music. Opening my eyes, I see Finlay wearing only his boxer briefs, watching me. What the hell? I’m fantasizing, it’s okay. No. No you’re not.

The gushing sound is water from the shower behind him. My stomach drops and bile rises in my throat from the humiliation. Without thought, I sit upright in the water, yanking my iPod from the corner and causing it to sink to the bottom of the tub. “Fuck! Shit!” I stammer, grabbing my iPod and standing. I’m completely flustered, completely naked, and he’s staring at me as the water cascades down me like a water feature. A very naked water feature. “Do you want to finish?” He calmly asks, pointing to my crotch. Is he serious? Finlay unglues his eyes from my exposed body and fiddles with something on a shelf behind him. I take the opportunity to jump from the bath, grab a towel, and wrap it around myself. “Dammit, Finlay! How long have you been standing there?” “Long enough,” he replies with his usual smartarse smirk on his face. Damn that dimple. I just want to lick it, or

push my nipple into it. Oh, crap. Focus. “What are you doing in here anyway?” he asks casually, like he hadn’t just caught me masturbating in his tub. I look down to the floor, completely mortified, and nervous about the scars that mar my skin. “Gaby said it would be okay to use your bathroom,” I say, and that’s when I notice, protruding from his boxers, upright against his stomach, is his rock hard cock. Heat flushes my cheeks and I slowly lift my gaze to him. He’s still staring down at me with an intensity that makes my whole body hum. “Don’t be embarrassed! If it makes you feel any better that was super hot and I’m about to go and do the exact same thing.” His smirk turns into a full grin while lowering his boxers and casually walking into the shower cubicle. His body is lean and carved to perfection. He has that sexy V that you see in Calvin Klein ads and fitness magazines. James had a slight one but, damn, Finlay’s is cut. He’s smoking hot, and now wet. His cock is

proud, hard and thick. My mouth fills with saliva and my vagina begs me to ease its ache. He’s watching me watch him with a bemused look. Gulping and looking him straight in the eyes, trying not to sound like a stupid, intimidated virgin I shrug my shoulders and say, “Hey, fair’s fair,” before turning and leaving the room, closing the door as I go. God, I’m excited, but also embarrassed and nervous at the same time. How does he do that? How can he make me feel this way? He annoys the life out of me but that smile also has a direct link to what’s in my panties, or in this case, what’s not in my panties. He saw me naked. I saw him naked. He looks good naked. Trust him to come home at that exact moment. It suddenly dawns on me that his sister is taking a sex shower with his friend. Running over to my bags, grabbing some panties and my new silk dressing gown, I rush to Gaby’s room. They’re still in the shower. Bloody hell, Mike

has stamina. Go Mike! I gently knock on the door a few times and when they don’t answer, I cover my eyes and brave opening the door. “Sorry!” I hold my free hand out in the air like a white flag. “Shit!” Mike gasps. “What the fuck?” “Sorry guys, but Finlay’s home!” A huge commotion follows; I hear a lot of cuss words before Mike whispers at either Gaby or me, but I don’t know which because my hand is still covering my eyes. “Shit! Fuck! Oh my God, what are we going to do?” “He’s in the shower so I suggest you run now before he comes out,” I say. Mike throws his clothes on quickly, and is out the door carrying his shoes and socks in his arms like some bad TV show on cheats caught on camera. Chuckling to ourselves at the close call, I leave Gaby to get dressed.

Walking back down the hall to Finlay’s room, my plan is to quickly grab my things, take them back to Gaby’s room and try to forget about what just happened with Finlay. Just as I’m about to leave, the bathroom door opens. He walks into the room with just a towel sitting on his hips, steam pouring through the open door behind him like some wet dream fantasy. “Wanted another peek, hmm?” He chuckles as he waltzes over to his dresser and pulls out clean boxers. “How are you a virgin?” “Why wouldn’t I be?” I fire back, annoyed at his inappropriate question and stupid damp body glistening every time the lights hit him. He strides over to where I’m frozen to the spot, and flicks a finger against the ribbon belt that’s holding my dressing gown in place. It comes away, sliding open to him to view the bare skin beneath, my breasts perky and on display. Cold air kisses my

exposed skin, making my nipples peak. My whole body hums with nerves and expectation. Goosebumps sprinkle over my skin, the tingles heightening with each passing second that his eyes explore the goodies he’s unwrapped, and I stay there, letting him look at me in just my black lace thong and open robe. He points his finger towards me, his eyes following his finger’s movements up and down, and he slowly licks his lips to emphasize his point. “That’s why you shouldn’t be.” My cheeks warm with a knowing blush but I’m also annoyed by the way he makes me feel and the brazen way he’s acting. I reply with anger. “So because I have a nice rack and a vagina I should be using it to fuck men?” He flinches, making his eye twitch, but quickly regains the cool composure he had seconds before and steps closer. His body heat is like a force field around me. His eyes hold mine with a piercing stare and his brow furrows slightly. “I didn’t say that. I’m saying you have an amazing body and I’m

surprised at your age you haven’t let someone else touch you the way you were touching yourself in the tub.” “Just because I’m a virgin doesn’t mean I’m a prude who’s never been touched by a guy. I had a long term boyfriend and he wanted to wait.” “Wait! What?” He laughs. “Was he gay?” “No, he just didn’t want to rush things.” “He was gay!” “No, he wasn’t, he just had a bad experience and wanted mine to be special.” “Huh, and then he didn’t get the chance. That’s hilarious!” “Fuck you, Finlay.” “Are you offering?” He smirks, raising his eyebrows. “Because I would love to hear you finish. I feel cheated only getting half a show earlier.” “You’re such a dick.” I turn to leave and just as I get to the door, he’s behind me. He swings me around, pinning me to the wall. “What are you doing?” “What you want me to do.” His mouth crushes

over my own, his lips tasting mine, his tongue probing for entry. His naked chest pushes against me, my nipples hard against his skin. He’s rushed, hungry with passion, his hands in my hair to give him aid in his pursuit of my body. Parting my lips to allow his tongue to invade my mouth, his intoxicating taste bursts onto my tongue as his meets mine with caressing strokes. His tongue expertly explores my own, and wet pleasure dampens my panties. Breathing right is not possible, it’s uneven and loud and I’m so wanton I don’t even care. Strong hands cup my boobs, kneading them vigorously. I move my hands into his hair, urging him closer. His mouth moves down to my neck, trailing soft, fluttering kisses down towards my chest until his hot, wet mouth closes over one of my nipples, sending a shiver of pleasure all the way to my core. “Oh, God!” I moan as his hand slides past my waist, down around my hip to the back of my thigh, lifting my leg to rest on his hip. Long fingers drag over my bare ass cheeks, then around to my inner thigh. I lose my breath as he makes subtle contact

up the seam of my pussy. The anticipation and desperate need is driving me wild. I haven’t felt this turned on in my whole life and I crave the relief he promises with those strokes. “Please,” I breathe into his ear, unashamed of my begging. All I care about is him taking me higher, to the peak of the orgasm I’m chasing. Tugging at my panties, he tears them from my body. Excitement rushes through me and my hips involuntarily grind over him, causing me to pant harder. I’m nervous about my scar there but I’m hoping he’s too caught up in the lust to notice it. His warm, full lips continue to tease my skin, travelling down my navel nibbling, nipping. “Oh, yes, yes!” He parts my folds with his thick wet tongue, sucking, licking, and lapping at my pussy. My moans become louder, my body is building, throbbing and tightening, nearing release. “Oh my God!” I scream, tugging on his hair, holding him to me. My stomach clenches, and I feel him slip a finger inside me, curling his finger to

find my G-spot, and my body shudders. He adds a second finger, stretching me, filling me with his fingers. I cry out, worshipping him for bringing me to ecstasy. “Fuck, you’re hugging my fingers so tight, Antonia,” he growls against my flesh, holding me up as my body shakes with pleasure. “Listen to how wet you are for me.” He thrusts his fingers inside me, rotating them, making me squirm. I feel my release coating his fingers. I have never climaxed like that in my life. “Fuck,” he moans, pushing further inside me, drawing my orgasm out. A mist of sweat coats our bodies, my chest rising and falling as my legs try to support me. He doesn’t relent; he pounds his fingers into me in fast measured strokes causing my inner walls to tighten further around his fingers. I’m building again. “Antonia, you in there?” Shit! Gaby’s knocking at the door. It’s like being awoken from a dream. Reality

pushes its way back to the forefront of my mind. I look down at Finlay between my thighs; his fingers still buried deep inside me and my scent all over his lips. I push him away from me and scurry into the bathroom, closing the door behind me and ignoring the perplexed look on his face. The toilet seat offers a cold shock against my warm skin as I sit on it to figure out why the hell I just let that happen. I don’t even know how I feel about Finlay; I’m not sure if we’re even friends, but there’s no denying the chemistry between us. It crackles and ignites whenever we’re close. He can be such a dick but, God, he’s a sexy dick.

SPLASHING MY FACE WITH cold water and giving my thighs a hand wash, I take in some deep breaths, trying to regain my composure before slowly opening the door and peeking out. The room’s empty, the bedroom door is open, and muffled voices seep through. I try to be as casual as possible as I walk into the living space.

“Hey, how was your bath? I ordered Chinese food,” Gaby says, a cute smile lighting up her face. “The guys will be here soon, Antonia, so unless you want to starve I would eat before they get here and demolish everything,” Finlay adds, in a tone all too casual considering he was face deep in my vagina minutes before. “Okay, thanks,” I reply trying to sound just as casual but instead sounding strained. There’s an atmosphere in the apartment as we eat. We’re all guilty of something but no one is admitting to anything. Eyes flick from one person to the next but silence descends and no one is willing to break it. The doorbell chimes and we all sigh in relief. Gaby leaps from her chair to open the door. Finlay takes the opportunity of us being alone and shifts his chair to face mine. Slowly, deliberately licking his lips, he leans over me and whispers into my ear, “You taste amazing and you sound unbelievable when you come.” He then backs away and stands up, taking his plate with him to the kitchen.

I can’t possibly eat any more food. My stomach is twisted up with knots because he makes me uncomfortable. Lies. He makes you feel alive. Grabbing up my plate I decide to clear the table. The room floods with Finlay’s friends and I have to keep myself busy because I’m convinced I have JUST ORGASAMED ON FINLAY’S FACE tattooed across my forehead. “Hey, sexy,” Gavin says, slapping me on the butt as I make my way past him to the kitchen with the leftovers. “Back off, Gavin,” Brad warns, with a disapproving glare. “Woo, Brad, you haven’t even gone out yet which makes her fair game. Right, Finlay?” “What are you talking about now?” Finlay asks, confused. “Brad is taking Antonia on a date this weekend.” Finlay’s eyes flick to me, lingering for a few silent beats before turning to Brad with an icy stare.

“We playing, or what?” he asks, completely ignoring that information. “I think she should tell Brad to eat shit and let me take her out instead. You should tell me now, though, if you’re a screamer because I have to prewarn the police not to come a-busting if my bitch is screaming while I’m thrusting.” Clearly amused by himself, Gavin breaks out into a chuckle. “She’s not a piece of meat,” Gaby spits. “You’re like cavemen, or pigs. Yeah, pigs would be a better word to sum you up.” She hands me a glass of the wine she’s opened. Ignoring the judgmental “Age”comment her Brother makes. She’s wearing a pair of low-rise jeans and a sweater, and even in such casualwear, she rocks it like a model on a runway. “Aww, don’t be jealous, Gabs. I’ll take you for a ride on my rhythm stick anytime.” Gavin sniggers, nudging Gaby’s arm. “Watch it, Gavin,” Finlay warns, with no humor in his tone. “What’s with everyone being so uptight? I’m only kidding,” Gavin grumbles, helping himself to

Gaby’s dinner. I try to ignore the conversation they’re having, chugging my wine back and letting the alcohol numb my nerve endings so they don’t keep reacting to Finlay being in the room. My cell chirps from the counter, lighting up the screen with a new message. Gavin’s an idiot who can’t get laid, hence him being here tonight. U look beautiful. He’s dreaming to think he’s in ur league XB I look over to see Brad smiling at me and quickly text back. Thanks, you’re sweet. Clearly Gavin spends more time stroking his ego then anyone spends stroking him. A Hearing his phone beep and him laugh makes a smile tilt my lips; mine chirps again a second later. I swipe the screen then scan the room to find

Finlay staring at me, making me feel guilty for texting his friend after what just happened. I know I shouldn’t, what happened was spontaneous and just two people who have been butting heads breaking the tension. With his tongue in your vajayjay ? Yeah, that’s what that was. Finlay rises from his seat and makes his way over to the kitchen where I’m standing. I try to ignore him and flash my eyes down to my phone. You’re the sweet one. I can’t wait to take you out. You look all flushed and cute Tonight. I hope that’s because of me x B Holy shit! He thinks my sex glow is because of him. Laughter resonates from behind me. Finlay is reading over my shoulder, leaning forward, and pushing his body into the back of mine. He’s all hot and solid and . . . snap out of it! I try to compose myself and straighten up, pushing against him to try and make him back off

but instead I just meet resistance and every contour of his body finds a match with mine. His breath coats my ear, making me shiver as he whispers, “No, that flush is all mine.” He swipes the two fingers he had inside me earlier across my bottom lip. “But he’s right. You do look cute.” Heat explodes through me, my hormones raging, my inner slut wanting to rip out of my skin. Just as I’m about to blow caution to the wind and risk everyone seeing me grind my ass against the bulge occupying his pants, he backs away leaving a cool influx of air to race down my spine. He brushes past me, so close the tiny hairs on my body stand to attention. Grabbing beers from the counter for the guys he re-joins them on the couch to play some Xbox tournament. Vagina teasing bastard. I type a quick reply and down the remains of my drink. Thanks. A Lame, I know, but yet again my brain lacks blood flow.

My mind races, trying to make sense of everything that happened and what is going to happen from here. The wine has made me feel sleepy and a little lightheaded so I curl up on the end of the sofa near Gaby, watching as everyone laughs and jokes as they play with their game console. It’s weird seeing Finlay acting his age, just kicking back playing video games with friends after Gaby spoke about him being such a hard ass and all business. My eyes feel heavy and before I can stop it, sleep takes me. I’m floating on a cloud, and warmth encompasses me before sleep takes me deeper.

I WAKE FEELING DAZED; the room is dark except for a small sliver of glowing light coming from the open door to the bathroom. I’m in Finlay’s bed wearing just panties and a bra. My mouth is dry and my head is pounding to the beat of a miniature marching band in there. I pull the grip from my hair, kneading my scalp with my fingertips. I flick on the lamp, squinting

from the intrusion of the bright light. I’m surprised to find my phone on the bedside table the time 2.45A.M. How did I get in here? Desperate for a drink, I slip my dressing gown on, not bothering to fasten the belt, knowing no one will be up this late. I tiptoe across the cold floor, making my way to the kitchen for a much-needed glass of water. Finlay’s laughter startles me, my body on autopilot following the sound in to the living space and freezing in shock when I find all five guys staring back at me. I can’t move or react fast enough. I’m only in my modest silk dressing gown, open, with my bra and panties on display. “I . . . erm . . . thought you all left,” I stutter, breaking the silence and clamping the thin fabric around me while turning and practically sprinting back to Finlay’s room. God, how much more embarrassing can my life get? Totally mortified, I throw myself onto the bed, screaming into a pillow. My phone chirps to life, pulling me from my pity party for one.

At the risk of sounding like Gav, damn you’re hot! Don’t be embarrassed X B Cringing, I decide not to bother texting back. I turn my phone to silent and cuddle up to the pillow, praying all that just transpired was a bad dream.

“Morning, flasher,” Finlay’s voice says from beside me in the bed. “What are you doing?” I screech, slipping further down the bed to put some space between us. “Trying to sleep. This is my bed, after all. Your cell has been vibrating. It’s annoying.” He hands me my phone. Three texts from Brad light up the screen. 3:02am P.S You look beautiful with your hair down x B

9:04am Morning gorgeous x B Wow! He’s keen. Stalker alert. I send a quick text back. Mornin. A I leap from the bed and pull on my jeans and a sweater from the pile on the desk before going in to the bathroom, completely ignoring the fact that Finlay hasn’t taken his eyes off me. I brush my teeth, and apply my cover up. Coming back through to the bedroom I find Finlay glaring at me with my cell in his hand. “You need to tell him you can’t go out with him and to stop texting you soppy shit.” “Excuse me?” “You heard me, Antonia.” Who the hell does he think he is? His not my Brother or boyfriend, I don’t know what he is right now. “Screw you, Finlay. Don’t tell me what to do. I’m not Gaby.”

He jumps out of bed, the covers falling from him. He’s completely naked. He pulls me by the arms and tosses me onto the bed like I weigh nothing. It’s not so much aggressive as showing his dominance. His warm, hard body covers mine like a blanket. He grips my wrists and holds my arms above my head with one hand, and unbuttons my jeans with the other, pushing his hand inside my panties. He doesn’t do anything else, just keeps his hand there, cupping me. His eyes assess mine and I know he’s reading pure lust. His naked body emanates so much heat I break out in a mist of sweat. “I don’t share with my friends.” My breath hitches and heavy pants make my chest rise and fall, brushing against his with every intake of air. I want to punch him in the dick for his comment but my vagina is enjoying having his touch to much

to react. Slut. In this moment I should be scared of the way he’s holding me. Finlay being so forceful should send me screaming but it doesn’t. Everyone treated me like glass back home. James wouldn’t touch me after the attack, and distance became everyone else’s go-to response. I lost a part of myself the day of the attack, and in the days and weeks that followed, I lost everyone else. Finlay being this way with me makes me feel protected and turned on more than it should, even if I’m confused by his actions. He lowers himself on to me further, his lips hovering at my neck, his arousal evident as it pushes against my thigh, making me throb where his hand still lies. “I can feel you want me, Antonia. You’re coating my hand in your desire. So wet, so sweet. Just ask and I’ll give you what you need,” he whispers, his hot breath dispersing over my neck and sending chills racing through my veins. I’m

going to combust into a horny ball of mush if he doesn’t do something to calm the raging ache building inside me soon. I can’t bear it. I want to rip my clothes off, attach myself to him and never leave this room. You’re going to beg him like a wanton hussy. I am. I’m just about to beg him to touch me when my phone buzzes on the bed next to us. He removes his hand from my panties and I whimper at the loss. He lifts himself away from me and I want to growl at him to come back. “Decide, Antonia. Tell him to back off.” He leaves me, panting, staring at the bathroom door that closes behind his naked ass; a very full, toned naked ass that I want to bite. Sucking in air to my lungs I pull myself together and pick up my cell to read the message. It’s not even from Brad, it’s from Mom. Hey, sweetie. Gaby says you’re sleeping so call Daddy when you wake up to discuss the apartment. He’s not happy it’s taking so

long. Love you, sweetheart Mom x I’m grateful for my mom’s distraction and I know it would have taken her at least ten minutes and two hands to type that text out on her phone. Mom has always been technology challenged, and just plain challenged since everything that happened. She struggles to cope and I know the strain on my parents’ marriage has taken its toll, but if I worry too much about them I’ll never be able to breathe. My eyes flick back to the bathroom door when I hear the shower turn on. Finlay Hayes holds a power over me, turning me into a horny, whimpering mess at his will. I need some distance from him. No, you don’t. You need to go slither all up on his wet, hard body. I curse my inner slut for wanting to do just that, but instead I go for the coffee I’ve been craving, and to make the phone call to Daddy.

The line dials out and after three rings, he answers. “Hey, Daddy.” “Hey, sweetheart. How’s things at Gaby’s?” “Fine. She’s great. We’re enjoying living together.” “That’s good, sweetheart. I’ve spoken to the contractors about the delays, and it’s only a minor problem so it shouldn’t be too much longer now.” “Daddy, it’s fine. Stop worrying.” “It’s my job to worry, sweetheart. I’ve wired you some extra money. I thought you and Gaby could go shopping and treat yourselves. I have a meeting now, darling, so I have to go.” Just hearing his voice brings a smile to my face, and he’s giving me the means to forget about the sexual explosion waiting to happen in my panties. “Gab, grab your bag! We’re going out,” I call.

Gaby and I decide to use the extra money on a pamper day, and we get manicures and pedicures. We stop for a spot of lunch at a place called Romeo’s where they serve posh sandwiches, if there is such a thing, but more importantly, they offer great coffee. I coax Gaby to open up and talk about her thing with Mike. She bites her lip and shrugs her shoulder, there’s hesitation but she also has a pink glow to her cheeks when she tells me how he’s admitted he’s falling for her. “He said he always liked me but struggled because he’s my brother’s friend, so when he stayed back one night after Finlay and the others left, I took a chance and jumped him,” she gushes, unashamed. She talks enough for the both of us and doesn’t stop to take a breath. It must be a relief for her to tell someone. I’m happy to let Gaby talk; I need to keep my mind busy from the thoughts of Finlay, which isn’t easy. When she brings up his name, all I can think about is him, and my date with Brad is fast approaching too. I feel awkward about that

now and after everything with Finlay I can’t see myself dating Brad or anyone for that matter. I didn’t like the way Finlay was acting when it came to Brad or the fact he thought it was ok to read my messages but the addiction to him just kept growing in strength . . . why was that?

I’M WOKEN BY THE sound of men shouting and a kid crying . . . no that’s not a kid it’s Gaby. I leap from the bed and walking groggily towards the sounds. “Move and I’ll fucking kill you!” I freeze in place. It feels like all the air is being pulled from my lungs; my chest thuds almost painfully and phantom aches burn the scar on my

neck. I can’t breathe; the world closes in all around me, and my legs weaken and give way from under me. Then everything turns black. “Antonia! Antonia!” Voices hum in a fuzzy void all around me, cold moisture dampens my forehead, and Gaby’s voice telling Finlay to give me space becomes clear as my eyes flicker open and closed. “Breathe, Antonia. Just breathe,” she whispers. “What’s wrong with her?” Mike’s voice clears my mind. My eyes flutter open, taking in Finlay’s worried face hovering a few inches from mine. His dark green eyes are vivid and warm, making my heart seize. Gaby holds a wet flannel to my head. Her face is blotchy and tears leak freely from her eyes. “Hey, what happened?” Finlay asks, trying to nudge Gaby out of the way to get closer to me. His tone is soft. Mike paces the floor, tearing his hands through his hair. They were fighting, Finlay and Mike “Take her to the couch. I’ll ring a doctor,”

Gaby says. “No, don’t. Please,” I manage to squeak out, hating that I sound so weak. “I’m fine. I just need a drink and my bag. I’m fine, honestly. Gaby, please.” Finlay lifts me from the floor with ease. The throb at the side of my head tells me I must have banged it on impact with the floor. He places me on the couch and Gaby hands me my bag. Her face is blotchy from where she’s been crying. I’m so embarrassed for falling apart in front of them. Their eyes are burning a hole in my composure and I want to cry and beg them not to treat me differently. Everyone does once they know. I still the tremor in my hand and swallow down the lump forming in my throat. Rummaging around in my bag and grabbing my pills, I pop the lid and slide one into my mouth, not taking my eyes from Finlay who is watching me like a hawk. His jaw tightens and his eyes narrow. “What are those, Antonia? You should have told us if

you’re ill.” “Shut up, Finlay,” Gaby yells. “I’m taking off if everything is okay here,” Mike mumbles. “Fuck you, Mike. This isn’t over,” Finlay warns him, the tension building. “Fin, back off right now you can’t control who I date!” Gaby spits, “I wouldn’t call what I walked in on dating Gaby.” He spits back and she makes a weird noise in her throat akin to a growl before walking Mike out. Finlay is still glaring at me. He snatches the pill bottle from my hand and reads the label. “You scared the hell out of me, Antonia! What was that? Why do you take these?” “That’s my business.” I grab the bottle from him and shove it back into my bag. “Not when you’re staying here and passing out on my floor.” I glare at him, anger flaring up inside me and whipping out with the lash of my tongue. “Well, I’m sorry to be an inconvenience to you

and your floor. I’ll try and keep my attacks in check until I move out, which will be soon, very soon. Until then, you can go to hell.” I drag myself to my feet and march into Gaby’s room with more gusto then I feel, my body working on livid energy. I want to throw all my clothes into a bag and hit the nearest hotel but as I slam Gaby’s door closed I find her sitting on her bed, sobbing. My legs carry me over to her and I collapse next to her, pulling her into my side and letting her cry. “Mike said it’s over. He won’t fall out with Fin over me. That’s what he actually said, the jackass. So much for falling for me, huh?” “I’m sorry, Gabs.” I tug her tighter into me and stroke down her arm. She looks up at me like a lost puppy, tugging at my heartstrings. Tears streak her face. “How are you? What happened out there?” she asks between sniffles. I let my tears fall. Move and I’ll fucking kill you! “It was the words. The words were exactly the

same words he used when . . .” I paused. “I just froze. I can’t control the triggers. I’m sorry.” “Don’t you say that. You don’t ever have to be sorry.” Taking my hand in hers she shifts the focus back to her and I’m grateful. “Fin walked in on me and Mike making out. They argued a little then he pushed Mike hard against the wall. I thought he was going to hit him when Mike tried to get clear and that’s when you came out.” More tears drip down her cheeks. My tears mirror hers and we both cry, cuddled together on her bed for what feels like hours. Once our tears subside we decide to get out the house to put some space between Finlay and Gaby . . . and me We decide on going to catch a movie but we both end up staring at the screen but not watching anything that’s happening. We fail at conversation on the way home, us both still lost in thought. When we enter the apartment Finlay’s in the kitchen, cooking.

Steam pours from a pot on the stove and he’s stirring whatever’s inside. “I made tacos.” Looking at us, his expression is unreadable but the amount of food he’s made tells me he expects us both to stay around. He pours the contents from the pan into a serving dish and brings it over to the table, then sits down and says, “Sit.” I want to punch him in the nose but my stomach growls so I slowly lower myself into a chair and let Gaby go at him while I eagerly await the taco feast. “I’m sick of this, Finlay!” Gaby shouts. “You’re not my dad! Stop being an over protective ass! I like Mike and he likes me, so get over it.” Finlay’s jaw tightens and the dark green in his eyes darkens when he’s riled up. He stands, resting both hands on the table and leaning slightly forward in her direction. “No, I’m not Dad, but we’re all we’ve got now, Gaby. I’ll always look out for you, so quit fucking my friends like some cheap whore.” A gasp escapes my lips.

“Fuck you!” Gaby sobs. “We have Mom! What the hell is your problem? She said you haven’t spoken to her for weeks. Do know how hurt she is? I’ve had enough of your shit, Fin. I’m moving in with Antonia when her place is ready. You can stay here or go to hell for all I care.” She storms out, slamming the front door behind her. I can’t move and I have no idea what to do. Finlay storms into his room and comes back out a few seconds later with a bag. Grabbing his cell and keys, he also leaves without saying anything. I’m left sitting in their apartment, not knowing if or when they’ll come back. My appetite has completely gone so I clear the table and wrap the food up. My phone chirps twenty minutes later with a text message. I’m soz, Antonia. I’m stayin at Moms tonite. Luvya, Gabs xxx I shoot back a quick reply. No probs, c u tomorrow x

The apartment is silent. I don’t know if Finlay will be coming back but I need to get out of here for a change of scenery. Grabbing the keys to my new apartment and a pad and pen, I go see how it’s coming along and write a list of anything I might need for when I move in.

I TURN THE KEY, unlocking the oak front door. I flick the switch to turn on the lights. All the walls are painted cream; a blank canvas for me to add my favorite art to. The bathroom is still being worked on so there is no bath or shower yet but that’s the last room to be finished. Dust lingers on every surface, kicking up with my footsteps. The kitchen is as nice as Gaby’s, including all the mod

cons. The living room is slightly bigger and there’s sheeting down to protect the floor. Some furniture has arrived and is wrapped. My new piano sits in the corner of the living space; Mom’s house warming present to me. She insists I play as often as possible. I stroke my fingers over the keys, letting them tempt me. I haven’t played since I got here, so once I start playing I get lost in the keys and lyrics flow out of me. Young love can burn bright, But darkness stole me and its grip still holds me tight, I’m drowning, sinking deeper, I’m searching for a flicker of light I’m bleeding out, gasping, bleeding out fast, My life ended there, that breath was my last. Love falters, rots and decays, You didn’t want me broken, you didn’t ask me to stay You say you still care, but you left me there dying,

left me there bare I’m bleeding out, gasping, bleeding out fast, My life ended there, that breath was my last. I’m so lost in the music, I don’t notice Finlay walk in, and I jump when I see movement behind me. “Crap, you scared me! You should wear a bell around your neck. You’re like a ninja.” His gaze fixes on me; he looks strained, his posture tight, and I can smell alcohol pouring from him with every outtake of breath. “I can’t believe that was you,” he mutters. Not understanding what he means, I furrow my brow and shake my head. “The music, Antonia. Your voice. I came in here because I thought the workmen had left a CD playing. You’re amazing.” I offer him a smile as thanks; I’m too embarrassed to talk and he looks all kinds of lost. The argument with Gaby really seems to have taken its toll on him.

“Are you okay?” I pat the space next to me on the piano bench for him to sit down. Finlay all but collapses next to me, his head dropping into his hands. Where is the put together, dominant man now? He’s almost vulnerable and it’s painful to see him this way. I put my arm around him, pulling his head towards my chest. My stomach drops when he folds so easily into me. His body shakes, making my heart splinter. His arms tighten around my waist and he weeps in my arms like a little boy. I can’t believe this is the same Finlay who took over a multimillion-dollar company after his dad died. The Finlay who was so confident in seducing me during our sexual encounters. Now, here he is, crying into my chest, taking comfort in me stroking his head. I’m seeing a side of him no one else sees. I just want to hold him, erase his pain, and take away all the hurt he’s let build up inside him. We stay like this until his tears stop falling and silence

calms the air. Eventually Finlay pulls from me, wiping his face. He stands and walks out, leaving me like he was never there. I turn out the lights and lock up my apartment. When I enter Finlay’s apartment, he’s sitting on the couch in sweat pants and a t-shirt, eating taco filling from the bowl I had put in the fridge earlier. “Fancy watching a movie?” he asks, looking up at me expectantly. Did I imagine what just went down with him? I don’t want to fight anymore and I certainly don’t want to see him that fragile ever again. “Okay. I’ll just change.” He nods and a small smile tugs the corner of his mouth.

I quickly change into some sweats and a tee. Grabbing a big bag of chips from the supply he

keeps in the kitchen, and a couple of sodas from the fridge, I join him on the couch. “Crisp?” I offer, tilting the bag towards him. He gives me a sideways grin. “Yeah. I’ll have a chip, thanks.” “Whatever. Crisp, chip. Both fried goodness.” I grin, flinging one at him. He picks it out of his lap and tosses it into his mouth. “So what are we watching?” “Rocky marathon,” he answers with a wolfish grin on his face. We watch in a comfortable silence for the first part of the movie, changing positions a couple of times because being this close to him makes my insides squirm, my heart rate spike, and my body heat to unbearable degrees. “I only live here so Gaby doesn’t feel completely alone.” I almost stop breathing when he speaks in barely a whisper. “Our mother doesn’t bother with her. She’s too self-centered to see how much our dad’s death affected Gaby. He worked a lot but when he was

around he always had time for us. Gaby was his princess for so long, I think her growing up was hard on him.” He laughs as if remembering something. “I know she misses him. I miss him. I don’t think our mother does. She changed his home office into a fucking gym. Who does that? She took down his painting; he loved that thing. It’s weird how different things look when you’re older and you’re not seeing through the eyes of a kid anymore. I thought they had a perfect marriage, but it’s like a movie when they shout ‘cut!.’ The actors can go back to the real them and everything I thought was real wasn’t.” I’m not sure what he’s getting at. His parents always seemed perfect to me too, but everyone has secrets. Maybe they did too. “I found some things in my Dad’s safe that completely changed how I see her. It feels like I lost them both.”

He moves his hand so it’s stroking the top of mine. I want to offer him comfort and let him hold my hand but when he starts fiddling with my bracelet, I begin to panic. I’m about to pull my hand away but it’s too late. He’s staring at the scar line travelling the full length of my wrist. I pull my arm free but his eyes pin me to my seat. Reaching out, he grabs the other wrist, moving my bracelet with his thumb and tracing the matching scar there. Tears burn my eyes then fall to my cheeks. I pull at my wrist to free it from his grip but he’s too strong. The lump building in my throat almost chokes me as I search his face through my blurry vision. I know what he’s thinking; he’s putting two and two together and getting eight. “Antonia, what . . . ? Why would you do that?” he asks in a pained voice, still holding me by the wrist. “Don’t,” I murmur. “It’s not what you think.” “Then what is it? Because I’m really starting to freak out now.”

“Its private, Finlay. Please don’t.” “Don’t what? Be concerned? Did you do this to yourself, Antonia?” His tone is accusing. “No! No, I didn’t. Finlay, don’t ask me any more questions. I didn’t do what you’re assuming.” I’m on the verge of an uncontrollable sob and I think he can see my soul disintegrating in front of him. He pulls me into him, crushing my body to his, holding me against the warmth of his chest. This isn’t the reaction I expected but I welcome his touch, the comfort of his body heat, and I use the sound of his heartbeat to steady my own.

I ACHE FROM LEANING in an awkward position all night and my bladder is screaming, desperate for the toilet. I uncurl Finlay’s arms from around me and creep out of the room into his bathroom, quickly relieving myself and washing my hands. I brush my teeth and turn on the shower. I need clothes for after and when I open the bathroom door, Finlay’s sitting on the end of the

bed looking tousled from sleep. The impulse to run to him hold him again is almost physical within me. I’d witnessed him come undone and he saw me the same way. The connection and draw to him is so intense it’s almost unnatural. I can’t explain it, I just need him and he seems like he needs me too. My legs carry me over to him and I sit between his open legs. Looking down at him I search his features for the answers to a million questions I want to ask. His hands reach up to rest on my hips, slowly moving round to stroke over my ass. Why does it feel so good to have his hands on me? Because he’s freaking delicious, that’s why. He pulls me into him, resting his head against my stomach. My hands stroke down the back of his neck. Standing and taking my hand, he leads me into the bathroom. I stand before him, reeling with nervous energy but desperate for more of his touch. His eyes are glazed and I’m pretty sure mine mirror his lust. He surveys me slowly up and down, taking in

all of me. His tongue swipes out to dampen his bottom lip, sending a pulse of excitement through my body. A tornado whips around inside my gut sending lightning up my spine. I bite down on my lower lip to stop myself from panting. He reaches out to me, sliding my top over my head, the pads of his thumbs stroking over my flushed skin. Experienced fingers unclasp my bra, dragging it away from my body; my nipples harden and ache. He tugs on my sweats and they fall down my thighs and gather at my ankles. I step out of them and he kicks them aside. His hands are on me, skimming down my body, brushing past the swell of my breasts, down my stomach until he reaches the top of my lace girl shorts. He strokes over the lace before his palms slip inside at my hips, then pauses for a few seconds, gazing so deep into my eyes I can feel him inside me already.

After a few agonizing seconds, he skims them down my legs and discards them with the rest of my clothes, leaving me bare and completely vulnerable in front of him. His palms cup my cheek, tilting my head to look into my eyes. “You’re so beautiful, Antonia.” His lips crash against mine in a slow, passionate caress. His tongue finds mine, stroking, massaging; he pulls away leaving me panting with pleasure. After he strips himself naked and all I can do is watch in awe. I stumble a little when he pulls me into the shower. I’ve never felt more alive or more wanted. Pinning my arms up high against the wall, my palms flatten against the tiles with my back to him. He removes my hair from the band keeping it in place, letting it fall and gather around my shoulders and down my back. The water cascades all around us, coating our bodies. We meld like one with the water, his touch washing through me, cleansing my soul. His hand sweeps my hair from my neck where

my scar mars the skin. His lips press there, kissing across my shoulder. I’m breathing heavily, the pressure already building inside me. Skilled hands explore my body, stroking my skin, kneading my breasts, his thumbs stroking over my sensitive nipples. “Finlay.” A moan slips from my lips, and he groans into my neck. One hand travels down to touch me where I need to feel him. He parts my legs gently from behind with his knee, his finger finding my clit. My head tilts back against his chest as I let out a cry, the circular movements of his fingers against me feel so good I can hardly breathe. I’ve never needed anyone more then I need him in this moment. His fingers tease my folds before pushing inside me; deep strokes touch places I didn’t know could feel so good. “God, you’re so warm and ready, Antonia. I love being inside you. Can you feel it?” “Yes.” “Do you want me?” “So much.” “I want you so bad, Antonia.”

“Then take me,” I beg. “Please, Finlay. Take me.” Turning me to face him, his body encompasses mine. “Do you know what you’re doing to me?” he breathes as his lips find mine. Need takes over me. I move my tongue inside his mouth, biting now and again on his lower lip. His hard cock pushes against my stomach. It’s so big it’s going to hurt, if it even fits. I swallow down my nerves, and with shaking hands, I grasp him in my palms, stroking him from the base to the tip. I grip firmly and find a good pace that has him panting. His head leans into the crook of my neck. Bringing his arms up to rest them against the wall either side of my head, I pick up my pace. Getting him this turned on only fuels my own desire. “I want you,” I moan into his ear. He lifts his head from my neck and looks me straight in my eyes, pleading, asking permission. “I want your cock inside me.” If it wasn’t clear before, it’s crystal clear now.

Hooking his hands under my arm and lifting me to him, I wrap my legs around his waist. He opens the shower door and carries me to his room, laying me down on the bed, his body covering mine. We’re soaking the bed covers but neither of us care. His lips kiss down my neck and chest until he finds my nipple; he flicks his tongue over me, teasing then closes his mouth over the hard peak, sucking hard, taking my breath away. I grind against him; I just want him inside me. He pushes a finger inside me, pushing, stroking that sweet spot he found earlier. My body tenses around him; I need release. “Take me. Take me, Finlay. Please, you’re killing me.” He shifts his weight on top of me, his eyes boring into mine. The tip of his cock teases my opening. “I’m not killing you. I’m living you, Antonia,” he breathes as he slowly enters me. It feels tight and a little uncomfortable at first. There’s some burning until he begins moving inside me, opening me, stretching me to take him

in. Being connected like this is incredible. My whole body hums with pleasure and comfort. “Oh my God,” he strains out. “You feel amazing. Are you okay?” I wrap my legs higher around his waist, taking him deeper to answer his question. He’s leaning on his forearm, watching me the whole time he thrusts into me, his other hand gripping my hip, guiding my movements. I’m climbing so high, intoxicated in everything Finlay Hayes. Pain becomes a distant memory; I don’t care that it hurts I just soak in the moment of being with him. “Fuck, Antonia.” His thrusts become frenzied until his cum floods my pussy. He collapses over me, our bodies shuddering, sensitivity making me squirm and the stinging pain returns. He slowly pulls himself from me, rolling on to his back and pulling me into him, holding my body to his until I can control my breathing. He kisses my forehead and we lie there naked, exhausted and completely content in the moment.

I’M LAYING CONTENT ON the bed with Finlay when the phone begins to shrill though the house causing him and me to both jump. Finlay shifts underneath me and reaches over for the house phone on his bedside table. He hits the answering machine to pick it up. “Hey, A, its Brad. I tried your cell a couple times but it goes straight to voicemail. I just

wondered what time to pick you up tonight. Call me. Bye.” My body stiffens, and Finlay shoots out of bed like someone just peed in it. He pulls on a pair of jeans that hung over a chair in the corner of the room. “Are you fucking kidding me?” He points at the answering machine. “I didn’t know how to let him down. I wasn’t sure if I was just going to go or not.” Oh that came out wrong “Really? You gave yourself to me when you weren’t sure if you wanted go on a date with Brad? You’re leading him on or you’re using me. Which is it, Antonia?” “I’m neither. This all happened really quickly, Finlay. I wasn’t planning to give myself to you.” Before I can get out another word, he storms into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. What the hell? I don’t even want to date Brad . . . how can he even think I would want anyone after what we shared? I hate how he jumps from affectionate to

asshole in the same breath. I already miss the heat of his body against mine; he’s changed me forever and I wished he knew or at least stuck around for me to tell him. I climb from the bed, grabbing up the sheets that are stained with my innocence.

I make a pot of coffee and locate my cell, which needs charging. I’m starving so I make us both a sandwich. I can’t believe what should have been the best day of my life has already turned to shit. I grab my sketchpad and chalk; I need to draw. The last couple of days have been so intense, and emotions are running high with everyone. I need a different kind of release, the kind I only get through art. My wrist moves my hands flawlessly over the paper. I don’t choose what I draw; my mind won’t let me draw anything else. All I can think about is

Finlay’s face fixed on me with hunger in his eyes. I sketch the same image three times before I’m happy I’ve got his look just right. His sandwich sits untouched and stale. It’s been two hours since our fight. I turn on my phone to six texts and two voicemails. Goodnight, hope you had a good day x B Morning x B What time should I pick you up? XB Hey sweetheart, just checking in, love Mom x Be home at 6 Gabs xxx Cnt believe Fin wnts evry1 out so much 4 ur date :( see u soon Gabs xxx

I don’t bother with the voicemails since I know they’re from Brad, and my phone is now ringing in my hand, Brad’s name lighting up the screen. “Hey, what’s up?” “Hey back. I’ve been trying to call you. I kinda feel like a stalker.” You kind of are, but I’ll take it down to just keen. “I’m sorry, my phone was off. I’ve been working on some art projects.” “Oh, that’s good. I’d love to see some of your stuff.” My stomach knots. I don’t think he would feel that way if he saw what I’ve been drawing today. “Erm, yeah, sure. Maybe.” “Okay, well Hayes called me. Plans have changed for tonight. Are you okay with that?” “I don’t know what the new plans are.” “Oh, really? Well, Hayes wants everyone to go out together. There are some good bands playing at Gav’s club tonight. Gav put us on the VIP list but if you don’t fancy it we could still do our own thing.” “Bands? That sounds cool.”

“Oh, okay. Well I guess I’ll see you at eight then. We’re all meeting at Fin’s place.” “Okay, sounds good. See you then. Bye.” “Bye.” Finlay enters the room as I disconnect the call. His hair is damp and he’s wearing a black polo shirt with cargo type trousers. He has bare feet and he smells of fresh linen and body wash. “Thanks for tonight, and for the get out of jail free card with Brad,” I say, eyeing him hesitantly. “I didn’t do it for you, I did it for Gaby. I need to clear the air with Mike and put things back together. Feel free to still go on your date.” “Wow, that’s perfect, thanks for enlightening morning Finlay, I’m sure it’s one I’ll never forget.” “Your welcome.” “You’re an asshole.” I gather my things, not wanting him to see the sketches proving he’s the only man on my mind. He doesn’t deserve to know, and I don’t deserve his attitude. I can’t believe this is how he wants to be with me after last night and this morning. He won’t

look at me instead choosing to call over his shoulder. “Well I’m sure Brad will be a nice change of pace.” “You know what Finlay.” I march to stand right in his face so he can’t but look at me “Grow up!” I leave him in my angry wake. Screw this

I DECIDE TO STAY out of Finlay’s way for the rest of the day, keeping myself busy in Gaby’s room. When Gaby comes home she appears to be back to her normal happy self. I lay an array of dresses out on her bed, unsure which one to wear. “Oh, wow. Your hair looks so great straight,” Gaby says, throwing the dress she’s picked for me

at my face. “Get your butt into this while I go do my hair. Oh, and I bought us both sexy panties.” She points to one of the many bags she brought home with her. “Buying me underwear? Isn’t that a little weird?” “Sniffing your underwear would be weird.” She chases me, sniffing at me, making me screech. One thing about Gaby—she always made me feel carefree. I slip on the cute pink thong from the bundle Gaby bought me. I can’t wear a bra as the dress dips low, scooping between my breasts to the top of my belly button. It’s black, fitted, and rests a couple of inches above the knee. I’ll have to tape the material to my boobs to stop from flashing everyone. It’s a risky dress but I deserve this night out, and Gaby informs me I should flaunt what my momma gave me. She looks so gorgeous in her backless dress, which compliments her long, lean figure. We team our dresses with killer heels then Gaby goes to

work applying my make-up. After spritzing ourselves with our favorite scent and having one last look in the mirror, we make our way into the living area. The guys are already here, everyone except Gavin who is working, so he’s meeting us there. Finlay and Brad both gawk at me opened-mouthed when I enter the room, making me want to run back to Gaby’s room and check a boob hasn’t slipped free. Brad is the first to break the growing silence. “Wow, you look amazing.” Gaby clears her throat. “I mean, you both do.” Feeling my cheeks flush, I thank him, and offer the same compliment back. They’ve all made an effort, wearing dress pants and dress shirts. Finlay’s is charcoal in color, which makes the green in his eyes stand out in contrast. Gaby nudges me out of my trance. I hadn’t realized I’d been having a stare-off with Finlay.

Brad looks at us both with a dipped brow. “Is everything okay?” “Yeah, of course,” Finlay answers. “So, we ready? Don’t you two need sweaters, coats or the rest of your dresses?” he adds, waving his finger between Gaby and me. “Nope, let’s go.” Gaby beams, turning to exit. Mike’s eyes widen when he notices Gaby’s bare back and unconsciously licks his lips. A warm hand graces my lower back, leading me out. A small smile tilts the corner of my mouth. I chance a sly look to my right only to see that it’s Brad, not Finlay. Shit! I need to have that talk with Brad after all. When we get to the club we’re let straight in despite the huge queue and people moaning as we’re ushered past them. We’re guided down a few steps into a huge room where a dance floor occupies the center of the space, and low eastern style tables set a stylish boarder. The bar runs right along the back wall with a

flurry of barmaids busying themselves with customers behind it. There’s a stage to the left, which has a band playing a cover of Imagine Dragons tracks. Gavin reserved us a table in the VIP section, which is up a few steps overlooking the dance floor. “Fuck, ladies! You trying to kill me? You both look super hot!” Gavin says, gaining an eye roll from Gaby and me. Finlay heads to the bar for drinks. Brad takes a seat next to me and places his hand on my bare thigh. Argh awkward. I need to let him know this can’t happen, Finlay may have made a semi good point when he accused me of leading Brad on. Not that I meant too. When Finlay comes to the table and notices Brad’s hand staking a claim, his eyes narrow and his jaw tightens. His fists clench and by the way his eyes zeroed in on Brad’s hand if some one could kill with look alone Brad’s hand would be dust.

The color has drained from Mike’s face and he can’t look away from his shoes, apparently assuming he’s the reason for Finlay’s cold attitude. Mike hasn’t said anything to Gaby since he showed up at the apartment; he can’t sit far enough away from her. It’s like she doesn’t even exist to him and behind her happy exterior I know she’s hurting because of it. My eyes flicker over to her to see her knocking back shots like water and flirting with Gavin. Gavin! She’s definitely not herself. I become so wrapped up watching her I don’t notice Brad becoming more and more touchy feely as the night flows on. “Smile!” a girl demands, pointing a Polaroid camera at us. Brad pulls me into him as she clicks and prints the image. Gaby tugs her arm, shouting for her to take one of her and Gavin. She wraps her arms around him, pulling his head right up to hers and giggling. Mike’s color hasn’t retuned despite drowning enough whiskey to ignite a fire in his veins.

“Take one of me and Antonia.” Gaby doesn’t let the camera girl leave us. “I’ll have a copy of that one,” Gavin says, sticking out his tongue. “Do you ever stop?” Gabe pipes in from the corner of our section. He looks like a security guard standing there to protect us all. He’s so tall and broad, but he’s the quiet one and rarely says anything so Gavin’s flirting must be extra bad tonight. “I’m only joking. I only like BOPS pictures,” he bellows, clinking his glass with some of his friends who had joined us as the night progressed. “BOPS?” I ask, completely stumped. They all look between themselves bemused. “Bent over, pussy showing.” He grins making his friends laugh even harder. “And I would kill to have one of those of you, Antonia.” A loud bang makes me jump. Finlay’s fist rests on the table. He’s just slammed it down, causing the drinks to spill. “Enough, Gavin. You’re overstepping, now back off.” “She knows I’m playing around, Hayes,” he

defends “Just stop, Gavin,” Brad and Mike say in unison. “Fine. Fucking hell, what’s everyone’s deal tonight?” he asks. “Come on, Antonia. Let’s dance.” Gaby pulls me up and to the dance floor. It’s nice to get away from Finlay’s glare and Brad’s over-familiar hands. The bands are fantastic and I quickly become lost in the music, dancing, letting myself move to the music. Arms suddenly appear around my waist, pulling me into a body; Brad has decided to join us on the dance floor. Too keen. Gaby smiles, raising her eyebrows. “I’m going to get a drink.” Brad’s a good dancer but he’s enjoying being this close to me a little too much. Yes, that’s penis digging in my spine. Uncomfortable is an understatement. It doesn’t help knowing Finlay will be having a fit over at our table. Once the song finishes I break away from Brad and make my

way back to join the others. Finlay’s nowhere in sight and Gaby has turned up her flirting with Gavin a notch. Gross. “Where’s Finlay?” I whisper to Mike. “He bumped into Julie and took off,” he mutters. “I’m leaving too.” He doesn’t elaborate or say anything to Gaby or the other guys as he leaves. “Antonia, you’ve gone white. You okay?” Gavin asks, pulling free from Gaby’s arms. “Who’s Julie?” I try to sound as normal as possible. “Julie? She’s a friend of Hayes,’ and by friend I mean a fuck friend.” He winks and my body turns to lead as my stomach jolts and threatens to empty right here. “They hook up now and then when they need to get laid.” Tears spring in my eyes and all the noise becomes distorted around me. I turn my head so he doesn’t see my reaction. “I’m just going for some air,” I say, and almost run from the club.

It feels like I’m suffocating as I try to push my way out, and when the air finally hits me, tears fall down my face. The drinks I’d guzzled repeat on me, rushing out of my body. Retching into the gutter on the sidewalk. Nice. I can’t control the emotions crippling my mind and body. This is what you get for opening up and sharing yourself with someone. The thought of Finlay touching someone else is unbearable. I need to go home, rip up his sketches, and cry into my pillow. Pathetic. “Hey, are you okay?” Brad calls out from behind me, grabbing my arm and trying to help me stand straight. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I must have drunk too much I guess.” I shrug, wiping my hand across my mouth. Classy. “Okay, well let’s get you home.” He grabs a cab and ushers me inside then begins climbing in after me. I place my hand on his chest to stop him. “Please stay. Make sure Gaby gets home safe.” “Gabe will do that. I want to make sure you get

home.” He smiles and I get that he’s trying to be sweet but my insides are in pieces and I just don’t feel the same way about him as he does about me. Finlay was right. It’s leading him on. I need to be truthful and put an end to this. “I really like you, Brad, but I just feel like friendship is all I want right now.” Okay, so half truthful. Disappointment reflects in his eyes as he whispers, “Oh. Right. Well, as a friend I would still make sure you get home safe, Antonia.” He gives the driver my address then slips in next to me. We sit in silence. Dread fills me the closer we get to the apartment. I send up a silent prayer that Finlay couldn’t be that much of a dick to bring Julie here to his bed where the scent of us still lingers. Brad insists on walking me right into the apartment. I thank him as politely as I can manage with my world spinning, hoping he’ll take the hint,

but once he hears voices from inside, he walks straight in and through to the living space. I don’t want to follow him but morbid curiosity overrules me.

In the kitchen Finlay is pouring a glass of wine and there’s a dark-haired attractive woman sitting on the couch. My heart pounds inside my chest. “Hey, Julie, what’s up?” Brad asks slouching next to her. “Not much, just catching up with Fin. It’s been a while.” She smiles up at Finlay like they share secrets. She’s slightly taller than me, maybe five seven, she hold a little more weight on her frame and she’s all kinds of pretty. I hate her. “Hey, I’m Antonia.” I offer my hand even though I want to wrap both around her neck to

throttle her. I hope she doesn’t hear the slight edge in my tone, but she offers a polite handshake in return. “I’m Julie. Nice to meet you.” “So where’s everyone else?” Finlay asks, looking between Brad and me. “Oh, we left them so I could bring Antonia back.” “I wasn’t feeling well,” I interject so as not to give the impression I came back “with” Brad. He might be able to sleep around but I would never do that. Memories rush back to me of the amazing morning that changed me forever and that’s when I realize Finlay didn’t use protection with me earlier. Crap. You stupid, stupid girl. If he would sleep with two girls on the same day unprotected, I’m going to have to get tested. I’m on the pill so pregnancy isn’t my worry. I’ve been on the pill since turning eighteen, hoping James would take the hint. “You’re looking pale again, A. You okay?”

I pull myself out of my fear of having to get checked at the clinic. Finlay watches me intently. “Yeah, I’m just going to get some water and change my clothes.” I head to Finlay’s room, where most of my clothes still are. His “catching up” with Julie will have to wait. I head straight to his bathroom to brush my teeth, fresh tears staining my cheeks. I remove my make-up and slip out of my dress; a tap at the door churns my stomach. “Are you okay in there, Antonia?” Finlay’s voice penetrates through the divide. “Yes,” I choke out. “Can I come in?” “No, I’m naked. Go away.” He opens the door and comes in anyway and I curse myself for not locking the door. Boundaries mean nothing to these people, apparently. “Do you need your bag?” he asks, handing it to me. The fire is back in his eyes as he rakes them over my nearly naked frame. I take my bag with a puzzled look on my face. “I thought you might need your medication.”

Throwing my bag to the floor, I push past him into the bedroom and sit down to unbuckle the strap on my heels, kicking them off. I stand to pull a silk camisole over my head and slip the matching French knickers on. “Brad’s worried about his new girlfriend. Should I tell him it’s okay to come in and see you?” How old is he? He’s acting pathetic. “Grow up, Finlay. I told Brad I just want to be friends so stop being a petty dick.” My tone is shaky as I speak the next sentence. “Are you going to be using this bed or can I go to sleep now?” He rushes over to me, pinning me against the wall, holding my hands up on either side of my head. “Do you know what it was like for me seeing him all over you? You looked amazing and I didn’t even get to enjoy you. I wanted to break his fucking face, Antonia, and he’s my best friend. How fucking shitty do you think that made me feel?” “I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to let him down. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.” “You just fucking tell him! Fuck his feelings.”

“I have told him.” His face is almost touching mine, his hot breath heating my skin. He drops my arms and cups my face with both his hands, his lips brushing mine, and as much as I want to taste him, I push him away. “Your friend is waiting for you, Finlay. You’d better get back to her.” “She’s no one.” “That’s not what your friends say.” I couldn’t look at him. How could he have made me feel so special this morning and make me feel like just another notch on his bedpost now? “She’s no one that matters. We used to spend time together sometimes, and she’s with a friend of mine now. She just wanted to talk.” “I don’t believe she would come back here just to talk, Finlay.” “Well, I needed to get out of the club where Brad was practically fucking you on the dance floor.” I ignore him and leave to go to the kitchen for a glass of water.

He follows me through, and Julie and Brad are still talking when Finlay walks over to Julie and tells her she needs to leave. “I know you needed to talk, Julie, but now is a bad time so I’ll ring you a cab and catch you later.” She’s totally shocked, her jaw looks unhinged its hanging so low. Brad looks over to me and all I can do is shrug my shoulders, as I don’t know what to do. I feel almost sorry for her . . . almost. No, you don’t. She stands and picks up her purse, not looking at anyone. As she leaves, Gabe waltzes in with a few other people I don’t recognize. He picks me up into a bear hug and swings me around. “How’s the stomach, lightweight?” He laughs into my ear. This is friendly for Gabe; he’s always so quiet and reserved. “I’m feeling better, thank you, but put me down just in case. I wouldn’t want to ruin your shirt,” I tease. He looks down at his shirt with a grin and lowers me to the floor. The guys that came in with him are grinning, looking me up and down and I

suddenly feel exposed standing there in my nightwear. “Where’s Gaby?” Finlay asks. “She met up with some girlfriends, Jessica and Kristy. She said she’s going to stay at Jessica’s tonight.” Finlay’s posture relaxes. I decide to leave the boys to be boys, relief washing over me as I lay on Finlay’s bed knowing that Julie won’t be in it tonight. Please don’t touch me, please! Oh my God! Stop! No! No! It hurts, stop! Oh my God, what have you done? I wake in a pool of cold sweat, my breathing uneven, memories pushing their way to the surface. I’d dreamt about him again. I walk into the bathroom to get my bag for my pills. I’m just relaxing back in bed when Finlay crawls in beside me, wrapping his arm around me. “You’re awake.” He pulls me closer, pressing his

warm body into mine. “Yeah,” I murmur. “I talked to Brad. I thought I owed him that. I told him that you and I have grown close and are starting something.” Really? Because it feels more like playing games and torturing each other. “Are we?” I ask. “You know we are, and I won’t share you. I know I can be obsessive but it’s only because I can feel things growing inside me for you. You make me feel like, just me is enough. That the real me is worthy of someone so incredible. So, do you want to be with me?” “Yes,” I whisper. “But I won’t share either, Finlay.” “I don’t expect you to. I fucking hated seeing Brad’s hands all over you tonight. You’re mine, Antonia, and I’m yours.” He slides his hand down my body, tugging my panties down. He doesn’t give me any foreplay, no build up, he just raises himself on top of me and

slides inside my swollen walls. He’s rough, hurried, like he’s making a point of claiming me. It burns a little because I wasn’t quite ready enough, but within a few thrusts it subsides and I’m already building to an orgasm. His thumb finds my clit and it’s all too much. I clench around his girth, my juices flowing over him. “Oh God,” I moan, dragging my nails down his back, making him thrust harder into me, catching my moans with his lips. “You’re mine, Antonia. Say it for me.” “I’m yours.” He raises us up so he’s sitting on his heels and I’m straddling his thighs. This position makes me take him so deep I can barely breathe. He raises my cami over my head and takes a nipple into his mouth. I cradle his head with my arms and we both moan in unison. Sweat glistens our skin causing our bodies to glide with ease against each other. We’re on fire and I never want to be put out. He slips his thumb over my clit again, adding

pressure there in fast circular movements. My body begins to shake, clamping around him, pleasure flowing through me from my fingertips to my toes, crying out his name as we reach climax. Tears fill my eyes. “God!” Finlay growls. Losing all his control he releases himself into me, filling me with his hot, wet cum. It was rushed, rough, but God, it felt amazing, despite my soreness. He lowers our bodies to the bed, curling himself around me until his breathing becomes heavy and even. He’s asleep, my mind finally subsiding from the induced lust state berates me for not talking to him about apartmentms. He pulls me closer in his sleep and once again I feel so complete lying in his arms and everything else fades away.

THE SCENT OF BACON and coffee greet me the next morning, and I find Finlay in the kitchen, whistling while dishing up bacon and eggs. His face lights up when he catches me standing there, admiring the fact he’s shirtless; his refined muscles react to every movement he makes. Damn, he’s beautiful. “When do you find time to work out?” I ask

pointing my finger towards his six pack. He looks down, and with a sexy half grin replies, “Hey, I’m just naturally this good-looking. I’m blessed, what can I say? You’re one lucky lady.” Rolling my eyes at him, I take a seat at the table so he can serve my breakfast. His reply is the college Finlay Hayes I remember the confident, cocky dick. I laugh to myself but don’t speak my thoughts. “I have a treadmill in every office. It relieves stress. I also lift weights.” I smile over my coffee cup, trying to hide the butterflies I’m feeling. “So, I want to take you out on a date.” “Really? Where do you want to take me?” “It’s a surprise. Eat and then we can get ready.” He points towards my plate then my mouth. “Okay, bossy. You’re always trying to feed me. Do you think I’m too thin?” I joke, flinging a piece of bacon at his plate. “I think you’re perfect. Really fucking perfect.” My insides melt and I know my smile is huge

because my cheeks hurt containing it. I’m picturing him inside me again; I’m burning up and debating pushing the plates out the way and doing a cat crawl across the table to him. It always looks so sexy in the movies. “Are you thinking about sex?” He asks and I almost choke on the mouthful of coffee. “What? No.” “Liar,” He grins. Why we’re on the subject “Can I ask you something?” I say. “Sure,” he replies, his eyes lifting from his plate. “Do you not use protection with everybody you sleep with?” His eyebrows pinch together and he clasps his hands together in front of his chin, elbows on the table. He clearly wasn’t prepared for this question. “I always use protection. Apart from my college girlfriend, you’re the only other one I’ve not used it with.” Confusion is written on his face. “I saw your birth control in your bag when I got your pills and I know you haven’t been with

anyone else. I have to do medicals for work so I’m checked. You’re different from any girl I’ve been with. It isn’t just about the act of sex. I needed to be as close to you as possible. I care about you.” He nods his head, eyebrows still pinched together like he’s explaining to himself, not just to me. I smile and reach over the table to take his hand. “I care about you too.” I’m relieved by his answers and the warm buzzing in my veins heightens.

When we arrive at an art gallery later that day, I’m blown away. It’s the big opening night but Finlay’s friend owns the property and knows the artist personally, so he got us on the guest list and arranged a private tour. Well, that’s the excuse he gives me when I ask how we’ve got a private tour around a highly well known artist’s work before it’s even opened. I

don’t query him on it further because I’m too in love with the artwork to care. There’s one piece that has me completely captivated; a painting of a blossom tree, the petals falling, blending and creating a figure of a girl. It brings my emotions to the surface and a tear slips from my eye. Finlay doesn’t say anything, he just brings his thumb up to my face to catch the stray tear. We spend an hour in silence, just admiring the work, before a smartly dressed man approaches us and asks if we enjoyed the pieces. Finlay thanks him and ushers him away for a few minutes before returning. “Ready?” he asks, guiding me to the exit. “Thank you. This was so special. Thank you,” I whisper, kissing him on the cheek “Thank you for being special,” he replies with a heart-warming smile that makes my world tip. “Let’s catch a movie and get some dinner.” The theatre isn’t busy, and the loud gun fire resonating around the darkened room as pictures

flicker over the giant screen have the few people in there captivated, but Finlay and I are too busy making use of the back row like high-schoolers to take much notice. We decide to grab takeout on the way home rather than eat out; we just want to be home alone.

I HAVEN’T HEARD FROM Gaby except for a text saying she’s staying at her mom’s for a few days. I lose those days just floating around on cloud nine. Finlay has a great sense of humor; he isn’t afraid to laugh at himself and he’s great company. We’ve spent the last few days just hanging out. Making out. He doesn’t have to go to the office or fly away

somewhere; we just spend the days between the couch and the bedroom, having amazing sex and talking about anything and everything. He wants to know everything there is to know about me; favorite bands, color, movies, food, drink, school subjects. He reminisces about his memories of college and how he met the guys. He’s known Brad since school and they’ve remained best friends, going to the same college and doing the same degree. They met Gavin when he had gotten mixed up with his dorm room. He’d unpacked all his stuff in Finlay’s room before realizing his room was actually next door. They managed to talk Finlay’s actual roommate into switching with him instead of moving all his stuff. Gavin’s parents own a nightclub chain so they always got VIP treatment which, when you’re a young guy in college, could make you friends with anybody, and it turned out to be a small world because Finlay’s mom and Gavin’s dad actually

went to college together and were friends. Mike’s room was across the hall and they all had similar interests. Gabe was a friend of Mike’s so they all hung out together and have been good friends ever since. Gavin is the player of the group and always has two or three girlfriends at one time. Finlay talked about a girl, Marie that he was seeing for a few months in freshman year but he came back to his dorm one day to find her in bed with Gavin. He didn’t fall out with Gavin over it; he just ended things with her, even when she begged him and told him Gavin seduced her. I can’t understand it; Gavin is good-looking but also a creep, and Finlay is a different league of good-looking compared to Gavin. Then again, no one is in Finlay Hayes’ league in my eyes. He’s unique and I’m smitten. Finlay also talks about his dad and how much he misses him. Work cropped up in the same

conversation about how the board of directors tried to have him step down because they think he’s too young to handle the responsibility of taking over. He says that’s why he works so hard and oversees all the important meetings himself, because he has something to prove and is no way in hell letting them take his dad’s company from their family. His dad had worked too hard to build it to let his memory be disrespected. I admire that about, his commitment and drive. Both our fathers worked hard and gave up family events, plays, recitals, and holidays to be as successful as they were. To have someone try to erase their existence is unacceptable. I talk some about my life back home but don’t bring up the last year and a half. He doesn’t push me on anything, even though I think he senses that I’m withholding information, which makes me feel like he trusts me and is giving me the time I need before sharing that dark part of me. He asked me about the letters risen with scar

tissue on my mound one night when he was kissing me there, but I froze up and locked myself in the bathroom for an hour so he told me he didn’t need to know. I open up telling him about James being my first love, that we shared a love of music and were in an amazing band with real potential, and how we’re still friends but have lost the connection that made us more than that. His face sets in a firm grimace while I speak of James but softens when I go on to speak of my art. I tell him that it’s my main passion and always has been. Drawing and painting is a therapy for me; it’s how I express myself. I mention how some of my paintings have already sold for good money and that I nearly have enough pieces to hold my own showing but I want to focus all my efforts on school before I do anything else. He asks me about my music and if it’s something I’ve thought about pursuing. His words ring through my mind.

“Your voice is a gift. A part of you that you’re obligated to share. It’s too damn special to not share.” Seeing the look in his eyes when he speaks makes my heart skip. The way his eyes bore into mine, seeing right down to my soul; I’m falling and I know it but I can’t stop myself. He’s becoming air for me. I’m finally letting go of the past and embracing my future. Finlay eventually has to go back to work and is flying to Japan for business meetings; he’s going to be gone for three weeks. He asked me to go with him but school is starting, and even though I really don’t want to be apart from him, school needs to be my priority.

I’M SO LOST NOW Finlay’s left. I feel hollow, like my very being got up and left with him. I can’t believe how strong my feelings are for him in such a small amount of time, but there’s no denying our intense connection. I busy myself, preparing for the first day of school, which has come around so fast I can feel my head spinning. Gaby eventually came home but she seems low

and sleeps a lot. I’ve tried getting her to talk but she assures me she’s fine and nothing is bothering her. Slinging my bag on my shoulder, I wave to Gaby, who barely looks up from the book I know she’s only pretending to read because it’s upside down. “I’m off Gabs”” “Yeah, I’m fine,” she replies without looking up. “I said I’m leaving for my first day.” She finally lifts her gaze from the page and shakes her head to clear it from whatever is troubling her. “Oh. Have a good day.” She makes her way over to me, offering me a half-hearted hug before disappearing into her bedroom.

My feet sink into the grass and I have to pinch my arm to convince myself I’m really here. Nerves

nearly made me sick before I left the house, but now I’m standing in front of Robinson Hall and I know it’s very real and I’m really doing this . . . for me. The octagon building is stunning, reminding me of the entrance to Westminster Cathedral. The campus is compact, everything in walking distance. The main campus is pretty standard but with each new building I discover, I’m in awe of the architecture. I’m standing outside the John Carter library, watching the relaxed atmosphere of the passing students when a girl walks over to ask if I’m lost. “Oh, no. I’m just looking around before going to the list art centre.” I tell her. “It’s located on the crest of college hill.” She beams and I thank her for the information that I already knew, but didn’t want to appear rude when she offered it. This is it! The building is huge, and knowing the artwork it contains is a little intimidating but exhilarating too. I look up at the tall structure and

smile. The triangle jags on the roof have skylights installed to light the art studios, and are known for their dramatic flare to the Providence skyline. “First day?” I jump, even though the voice is small. I was lost in my own world. “How could you tell?” I laugh, looking at the brunette standing next to me. “I remember my first day; I had the same amazed look in my eyes. I’m Libby by the way.” She holds her petite hand out and I grasp it firmly. “Antonia.” She nudges me playfully with her shoulder. “Come on, I’ll show you the ropes.” Gaby’s not home when I return so I busy myself making some food while I wait for my nightly call from Finlay. I’m consumed by him and thankful for the distraction that I know school will bring. My year is going to be intense but I’m confident I can cope with the workload. When my cell lights up with a call, I rush to

answer it, knowing it will be Finlay. “Hello,” I say, and huddle into a ball on the couch. “Argh, baby, it’s so good hearing your voice. Tell me everything.” “I met a new friend, a girl named Libby.” His warm chuckle crackles down the line and I have to bite my lip to stop from sighing. “Does she share your passion for art?” “She does and we’ve made arrangements to meet for coffee every morning before class. She’s sweet, and she’s offered to show me around campus.” “I’m glad you have a new friend.” “Talking of friends. Gaby has been really distant. I think she’s depressed or . . .” “I’ve talked things through with Mike. He says he loves her and that she isn’t just any girl to him.” “And what did you say?” “I gave him the big brother speech.” “As in, ‘you can date her if you don’t value your life if you break her heart’?” “Exactly. Maybe with a few cuss words thrown

in.” “Of course.” We both laugh and things quickly take a sexual undertone when he asks me what I wore today.

My call to Finlay lasted over three hours, and after a busy day, I’m exhausted. I’m just about to give up on Gaby coming home when the front door opens and she walks in with Mike. I give them both a goodnight salute, and inside I’m dancing, hoping him being here means they’ll sort things out and I’ll have my friend back. The next morning I bump into Mike grabbing a glass of water in his underwear which is a good sign they have.

THREE WEEKS—THREE LONG, sexless weeks passed, and Finlay is due home today. Funny thing about sex; before you have it, you don’t know what you’re missing but once you jump in the saddle, you crave to ride and, damn, I’m craving. Finlay will be at his place by the time my last class finishes. I’m dying to see him; I’ve been

working on a gift for him in class. I found a picture of him and his dad in a drawer in his room one night while looking for a pen; he must have been eight or nine in the picture. He had a baseball glove on and his dad had him wrapped in a hold, ruffling his hair. They looked so happy. The picture had been folded so it has some wear and tear damage, so I painted the images onto a canvas for him, capturing every detail without the damage. I’ve already packed my things so we can move them into my place tonight. Having Gaby out in the open with Mike, combined with what I have planned for her brother later, I think it’s best that we all have some privacy, so I packed him a few bits too, so he can stay with me for my first night in my new place. Telling Gaby about him and me was difficult but after her rant about him being a hypocrite, seeing her friend but she wasn’t allowed to see his, she came around, especially after she sorted things out with Mike. She warned me to protect my heart but she was too late with that warning. He already

owns it. I grab a bottle of champagne on my way back to the apartment. With excited energy charging through my body, I drop my things on the couch and check the bedroom, and that’s where I find a wet, naked Finlay taking a shower. I strip my clothes off and make him jump as I open the shower door and join him. “We may as well live in here we spend so much time in here.” I tease. “Well, hello stranger.” He grins, wrapping me in his arms. His lips find mine, covering them in deep kisses. “God, I missed you.” “I missed you too.” His kisses became hungrier, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth, his tongue lapping against mine. Strong hands grasp my hips, pushing me up against the shower wall. Desperate lips kiss down my neck to my chest, across my breasts, continuing down my stomach, touching every inch of flesh. He passes down my hip to my thighs and across my mound, causing me to pant with anticipation.

Continuing to tease me, he moves to the other thigh and back up my body. I groan at the loss of him between my thighs, making him chuckle. “Did I leave you wanting, baby?” I don’t answer him with words, instead I grab at him, turning our bodies so he’s against the wall. I mimic his movements, trailing kisses down his body, over his hard, toned chest and down his sculpted abs. His cock is full and smooth. “Do you want me to leave you wanting?” “Fuck, no. Take me in your mouth. Suck me hard and deep, baby.” I slip my mouth over the glistening tip. “Antonia, God, I missed you.” I clasp my hand around the base and gently stroke him, adding a little pressure as I take him deeper into my mouth, moving him in and out, sucking him at a pace that makes his breath hitch every time I flick my tongue over the head. I use my tongue to lick, flick, and tease the tip, blowing to heighten his pleasure. His hands are in my hair, guiding my pace.

He’s building, his legs are shaking slightly, so I up the speed and suction, making him growl, “Holy fuck,” before he pulses and releases his hot cum into my mouth, I lap every drop, drinking him in. I have never felt this turned on. Giving him pleasure this way has me moaning with pleasure of my own. It’s sexy as hell and I’m ready to combust with pent up lust. Pulling me to my feet, he pins me against the wall, lifting me on to him, wrapping my legs around his waist for support. He lowers me onto him, pushing inside me. God, he’s hard again already, growing bigger with every thrust. His mouth is on my neck, nuzzling the sensitive area below my ear. He feels amazing, filling me with pleasure. I’ve missed him so much; I can’t get close enough to him. He’s inside me and yet I still need to be closer. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, pushing us as close as two people can be, I look

him in the eye as his cock plunges into me. His mouth opens against mine as we pant and moan. My pussy tightens around him, my chest rubbing against his wet skin. He raises me up higher before pulling me back down on to him with hard measured strokes. My whole body hums with pleasure. A warm ache builds and ripples through my body, making me shake and release all over his shaft. He pushes deeper into me as the pleasure becomes too much for him and he follows me over, flooding me with his hot release. He brings his breathing under control, lowering me down so I can stand, but doesn’t stop holding me. He moves the hair clinging to my face and kisses me softly on the forehead. “You’re amazing. I can’t believe how lucky I am.” “We’re amazing,” I murmur back. Walking us under the torrent of cascading water, he washes my body, cleansing me, and I do the same to him, stroking soap over his body. I

love touching him. If I could bottle this feeling and sell it I would be a millionaire. Nothing compares to this.

“I made lasagna earlier. It’s in the fridge. Are you hungry?” I ask, walking through to the kitchen. Finlay continues through to the living space. “What’s this?” he asks, pointing to the gift I left on the table earlier. “Open it.” I bite my lip and fiddle with my hands to suppress the little nerves I have bubbling up in my stomach about the reaction he may have. I don’t want him to think I was snooping or overstepping a mark. He pulls at the twine I had loosely bound the tissue with and unfolds the paper. He’s silent, gazing down at the painting. I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was

holding and walk to him, putting my hand on his shoulder. “I found the picture. I’m sorry, I just thought-” “No, no. It’s beautiful, I love it. Thank you.” He turns, pulling me into his arms and holding me so tight it’s a little painful. “It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.” His voice cracks slightly as he speaks, telling me it’s a good gift. “I’m going to heat the food.” I leave him, giving him a minute to his thoughts. We eat in a comfortable silence, occasionally smiling at each other over our forks. We leave a note for Gaby when we finish up. We’re next door if you need us. We left you and Mike some dinner in the oven xxx

OPENING THE DOOR TO my new home, I’m hit by the scent of flowers. There are bunches of fresh, beautiful roses on every flat surface. Finlay takes my hand and leads me farther into the apartment; my eyes explore, and stop when they land on the painting hanging over my piano. Tears well in my eyes. Finlay releases my hand and I use it to cover

my mouth because my lips are quivering with emotion. The blossom tree painting I had fallen in love with when he took me on our date is now up in my new place. “Oh my God, Finlay,” I breathe through the lump in my throat. “I saw how it moved you. It belongs with you.” “It’s too much. It must have cost a fortune.” “It doesn’t matter what it cost, Antonia. I wanted you to have it.” Tears leak from my eyes and I launch myself at him, throwing my arms around his neck. “I love it! I love you!” His grip tightens and my stomach dips. Oh my God. I said I love you. I can’t move. I bury my face in his chest, too afraid to look up at him. “Happy moving in day,” Gaby bellows, walking through the front door with Mike, Gabe, and Brad. I pull away from Finlay on unsteady feet and walk over to embrace Gaby.

“We brought beer,” Brad adds. “I brought flowers but . . .” Gabe’s eyes scan the apartment that’s already full of flowers. “They’re lovely. Thank you, Gabe.” Taking them from him, I walk over to the sink, and place them in a vase. I peek over at Finlay to check if he’s made a run for it. God, why did I rush into saying that? His eyes catch mine and it’s hypnotizing; I can’t look away from him, he’s holding my gaze with an intensity so fierce it slices the atmosphere and sticks deep into my chest. “Prepare to weep, ladies! I’ve found myself a hot little number and now I’m off the market,” Gavin boasts, walking through the front door with Mrs. Hayes on his arm. “Mom, I’m so glad you made it!” Gaby embraces her. “Hello, darling. I brought Antonia some groceries.” “Diane, how lovely to see you. I haven’t even thought about shopping, so thank you.” I smile,

taking the groceries from her. “Finlay, my only son. What a pleasant surprise.” He doesn’t speak. Instead he approaches her, taking her by the elbow and leading her out the front door. “What’s that about?” Gaby asks, looking at me. “I have no idea.” I hold my hands up. I really don’t know what it’s about. He hasn’t elaborated on what’s actually eating him up about his mother. “What’s with all the flowers? Did someone die?” Gavin asks. “Oh, hold on. Did someone get laid? Brad, is this your doing, you sly, loved-up puppy?” “Fuck you, Gavin. They’re nothing to do with me.” Brad flips him the bird. “They’re from Finlay. He and Antonia are a couple now.” Gaby offers the information, bouncing a little with her usual giddiness. Thanks, Gab. Everyone turns to me. Dammit, now I’m blushing. Gavin speaks first in his usual delicate manner.

“Fuck. So, remember when you said he wasn’t exciting enough for you, did you mean in the bedroom? Because I can give you a training course to show him.” “Bite me, Gavin.” I roll my eyes. “Oh, anytime, gorgeous,” he says, making me chuckle. “Don’t do this, Finlay. It’s in the past and frankly none of your concern!” Diane is shouting in the hall; everybody turns their attention to the door. “Go home. I don’t want you here!” Finlay yells back. Gaby rushes over, pulling the door open. “What’s going on, Mom?” “Nothing, darling. Go back to your friends. I’m taking off, I’ll call you later.” “Mom? Finlay? What the fuck’s going on?” “Watch your mouth, Gaby. Just leave it.” “No! I don’t understand what’s going on. This is my family. I have a right to know why you two are like this,” she continues as Finlay brushes past her into the apartment, heading straight for the beer the guys had brought in with them.

Mike puts his arms around Gaby’s shoulders to comfort her. “Just leave it for now, Gaby,” he whispers, and walks her towards the living space and away from her brother. “So, what are we eating?” Gavin breaks the tense atmosphere, making me smile. “Are you always hungry?” I ask with a raised brow. “Only when I’m around you.” Finlay’s head lifts to look at Gavin. He doesn’t need to speak; his narrowing eyes and gritted teeth are warning enough. “I can order for you, if you’re hungry,” I offer. “I’ll order pizza, doll. Don’t you feed the beast,” Gabe says. Gavin grabs his junk and shakes his head. “My beasts not into dudes.” Gabe doesn’t take his bait. “So, here’s to Antonia’s new place. I hope you’re happy here, and I hope we have lots of parties here.” Gavin grins raising his bottle.

“Thank you, Gavin. That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

The drinks flow; the pizza was delivered and devoured. Brad decides to corner me in the kitchen to tell me there are no hard feelings and that I should have just told him about Finlay. Damn, he makes it hard not to scream at him. We sent a couple of harmless texts, and he’s acting like a scorned lover. My mind reels off a million things I could say to him but it would cause friction and I don’t want any awkwardness between us, considering he and Finlay are best friends. “So, Antonia, I need some advice from you,” Gavin says, taking my attention away from Brad. “Okay, hit me.” “When you say hit you . . . ?” “GAVIN!” everyone shouts in unison. “Shit, okay, it was a joke. Seriously, I need to

ask you for some advice.” I raise a brow and nod as a gesture for him to keep talking. “So, I like this chick. We screwed one night and now she acts like it didn’t happen and she’s with someone else.” Gaby tuts as she stands abruptly, and the guys roll their eyes. “You okay?” Mike asks. “Yes, I’m fine. Just need the toilet to throw up in if I have to hear his crap.” I refocus my attention to Gavin. “Well, as harsh as this might sound, she probably knows that you’re more of a one night stand kind of guy, and maybe that’s what she was looking for.” “Shit, really? Girls do that?” he asks, sounding genuinely curious. “Ha-ha, that’s so funny!” Mike bellows “You got used,” Brad adds as a chuckle goes around the room. “Well I guess karma finally came around, huh?” Gaby returns looking a little pale. Maybe she wasn’t joking about being sick.

“I’m going to head next door. I’m tired.” “I’ll come with you,” Mike says. “No, it’s fine. Stay. I’m just going to bed anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Hugging him then me, she leaves. I know something is off with her and I’ll need to have a chat and see what it is. I hate that something is troubling her, and being with Finlay makes me feel like I’ve neglected our friendship. “So, guys, I had them fit an Xbox when they installed the TV because I know how you’re all kids at heart, so feel free to fight over it while I go grab something from next door.” I leave them to it with a little wave of my fingers.

TAPPING ON GABY’S BEDROOM door, I open it to find her sitting on the floor, wiping tears from her eyes. “What’s wrong?” I ask, crouching to join her on the floor. “I’ve done something really stupid.” She blows her nose into some tissue and swipes at her hair that had fallen into her face.

I wait for her to elaborate. “I slept with Gavin.” Her face slowly lifts to look at me, fresh tears staining her cheeks. “I’m so stupid.” “Oh, Gaby,” I breathe. “Why?” “It was weeks ago, when we went to his club. Mike was ignoring me, and I drank too much. I made a mistake. Then Mike and me sorted things, and I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to lose him again. I thought Gavin would be happy to not have to deal with the aftermath so I just acted like it didn’t happen. I can’t believe what he said in there. Do you think that was about me? Should I tell Mike?” “No, I don’t think you need to tell Mike. I think you need to speak to Gavin let him know it was a one off and you and him can just be friends. He’ll understand.” I don’t like dishonesty but I believe some things are better left untold. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her to me, I try to offer some comfort. “Don’t cry. You will get this all straightened

out.” I leave Gaby to change after she insists she’s fine, and go back to my apartment. The guys are in a heated match so I sneak to my room, slip into a chemise, and crawl into my king size four-poster bed that’s draped in cream bedding I bought on another shopping trip with Gaby. Cream carpets are fitted in the bedroom because I hate the cold floor in Finlay’s room. Gold drapes cover the windows; everything smells so fresh and new. Finlay surpassed himself with all the flowers and the painting. He’s so perfect. I hoped with tonight being so eventful he’d forget my “I love you” slip earlier. Digging my cell from the pocket of my discarded jeans, I shoot a quick text to Gaby to double-check she’s okay. My phone alerts me to a new message. Hey Toni, how are you? I’ve been thinking

of you. Hoping you settled in ok at Brown. I know it’s been a while but I’d love to hear from you, you’re always in my heart. James xxx James. Mixed emotions fill my head, memories of how we were before the attack and how much things changed after . . . how much he changed. I can’t deal with them, so turning my phone to silent and switching the light off, I bury my feelings under the covers and eventually drift to sleep. Please don’t touch me! Please! Oh my god! Stop! No! No! Please! Why is there blood? Oh my God, what have you done? No, no, please! Air fills my lungs in a rapid whoosh as I fly from the bed. “Antonia, baby.” Finlay is next to me, his warm arms come around me, offering comfort and safety. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. You’re safe.”

Tears hit my cheeks before I even realize I’m crying “Come sit back on the bed.” “I’m sorry, I . . .” “Don’t be sorry. I’ve never seen a nightmare like that. What do you dream about, baby?” “I can’t, Finlay. I’m scared to tell you.” “Why?” “I just, I don’t want you to change towards me.” “Antonia, that’s ridiculous. I could never change how I feel about you. Look at me.” He grabs my cheeks, swiping the tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “I’m falling so hard for you and nothing can stop that. I breathe in when you breathe out. I’m consumed with you. I just want to fade into you, live you.” “You love me?” “Yes, from the first second I saw you.” A fresh tear drops to my cheek. “You were a douche the first time you saw me in your apartment.” I bring my lips to taste his, smothering his chuckle.

He’s soft and gentle, pulling me against his lips. “That was more about Gaby than you. You have to trust me, Antonia, when I tell you that this is the real deal for me. I need you to trust me and let me in. Please tell me what happened to you. Help me understand, baby.” I swallow the huge lump in my throat “I like you calling me baby.” I smile, and he returns it with a breath-taking smile of his own. His hands stroke down my hair to soothe me, and after a few deep breaths I begin to unravel, opening up the dark part of me I never wanted him to see. “My mom used to own a jewelry store. Did you know that?” He nods. “Well, I worked there part time on occasion, if someone was sick and Mom needed cover. This particular day, Richard, the guy who opened the store on a Saturday morning, called last minute to let us know he was going to be late.” I take a few breaths and re-live the memory as I tell it

“Happy Anniversary!” I squeal, bringing Mom her gift to pack with her. It’s a hand painted picture of her and Daddy on their wedding day. It took me over a month to get it right. Daddy’s taking her away for the weekend to celebrate twenty-four years together. He has a busy morning with an important meeting so they’re not leaving until lunchtime. James is coming over to pick me up to take me out for the day before spending our first weekend alone together. While the parents are, away the children will play. Nervous energy zips through my veins making me giddy. Mom squeezes me and adds the wrapped gift to her suitcase. The house phone rings and it’s Richard complaining that he’s not going to make opening. “I can open up, Mom. I’ll just call James and let him know to pick me up a little later straight from there.” “Are you sure, honey? That would be amazing.” “Of course.”

“I’ll take you down because I need to pick up your dad’s gift.” Mom had a special watch made and engraved for him that was delivered to the shop the night before. James doesn’t pick up his cell when I call him so I leave a voicemail letting him know the change in plans. I don’t feel a sixth sense about going inside like some people claim to feel before something bad happens. Mom and I chat happily, keying in the code and going in through the back door. Nothing is out of place, the atmosphere doesn’t reek of evil. “I’m just going to get Daddy’s gift from the safe. You put the kettle on; I have time for a coffee with my favorite daughter.” “Your only daughter.” I roll my eyes, making her laugh. I do as she asks until I hear a clatter coming from the office she’s gone into. I rush in there without thought.

“Everything o . . .” It’s a surreal moment, seeing someone you love being held at knifepoint. Shocked cries spill from Mom as she tries to control the shuddering of her body against his. My whole life filters through my mind up until the thirty seconds before I walked into this room. This can’t be happening. Not to us. Not to me. “Well, well, Antonia.” The man holding her whistles. Mom’s breath hitches at this man knowing my name. Confusion, fear, and disbelief sits heavy in my chest. “Do I know you?” I croak out past the lump in my throat. He flicks his eyes to where a photo of me with my name printed across it decorates Mom’s desk. “No, but we’re going to change that.” All that plagues my mind is the fact that I can see his face. He isn’t hiding it from us. Blond, scruffy hair hangs limply from his head. Blue, lifeless eyes hold misery and death, and he’s letting us see him, which meant he isn’t afraid of

us describing him. We are going to die today. “Who else are we expecting?” he asks, still pressing the knife down on my mom’s throat, causing a blood blister to mar her skin. “No one, just us,” I tell him, holding my hands up in surrender. His eyes narrow on me and he points the knife in my direction. It’s carved with a serrated edge; it looks like something Rambo would carry. Heart-stopping terror ricochets through every inch of my soul. “If you’re lying, you’ll be responsible for whatever measures I take.” He points to a bag on the floor. It’s not ours so he must have brought it in with him. How he got in here puzzles me. We have passcodes, which only Mom, Richard and I have. I’ve known Richard my whole life; his family works with Daddy and they have been close friends since forever, so he won’t be involved, would he? The call about him being late replays in my head . . . he wouldn’t . . . he doesn’t have reason. I rationalize with myself.

“Take out the rope and tie her hands.” I look through the bag but find no rope. “Hurry the fuck up or I’ll slit her throat and save you the hassle.” Bile burns my throat as I desperately search the bag again. “There’s no rope,” I tell him in a pleading manner. His free hand grasps Mom’s hair, making her cry out in pain. He turns their bodies, forcing her head down against the table. My legs give out on me and I land in a heap when I hear the impact, and her body falls limply to the floor. Boots stomp towards me, snatching the bag from my lap. “Motherfucker.” He throws the bag across the room and points the knife down at me, but before he can speak, Richard’s voice calls, “I’m here! Hello? I made it.” I want to scream, run, warn him not to come in here but the handle turns and it’s too late. He enters, noticing me on the floor. His eyes drop and as I look up at him with tear-soaked cheeks and bloodshot eyes, the devil who has invaded

our lives grabs him from behind, bringing the knife across his throat quickly and easily. A hot crimson spray hits my face and chest. I can taste it in my mouth that’s open, screaming in silence. His brown, warm eyes are still looking at me as his body catches up with reality and slips down to his knees before falling backwards. Rivers of his blood pump from the open wound. He’s dead and it’s because of me. I should have told him Richard might show up. Now he’s gone forever. His dad won’t be able to cope; Richard was their only son. Pain burns my scalp as I’m dragged by my hair across the floor to the desk where Mom lays unconscious. “Mommy,” I whisper. The scent of cigarettes dusts my face when the devil drops to his knees in front on me with wire rope in his hands; it’s what Mom uses to make craft jewelry for charity fairs. “I warned you, and you clearly underestimated me.” Unwinding the wire, he binds my wrists over and over again then ties me

to the table leg of Mom’s desk. Tears come fast, burning an already painful path over my delicate flesh. My breathing is harsh and uneven, and a fresh wave of panic washes through me. I start thrashing at the restraints; they cut into me but I don’t care. The blood blisters and pools, leaking down my arms, but I can’t get free. His weight drops over me, the knife digging into my throat. It’s still wet from Richard’s murder. “Don’t fucking move or I’ll kill you.” He pushes the knife into my skin, slicing me as a warning. He grins as he uses the knife to cut down the middle of my top, slicing the skin with shallow cuts as he exposes me. There’s pain everywhere but I know the worst is to come and fear makes me almost pass out. “I’m going to fuck you in every hole as a parting gift.” Vomit spills from my mouth, almost choking me to death. I’m on my back with no way of moving him off me and he’s restricting my oxygen

with his weight. I can’t believe this is the weekend James and I decided to take the next step. This awful, foul man is about to rob me of it instead. He moves over my body, making vulgar comments that I try to block out. He yanks down my trousers, making me cry like a lost little girl. I’m so helpless; no one is going to save me and I can’t stop him myself. He’s going to rape me right here on the floor as I lay next to my mom, and Richard’s blood puddles at my feet. “I can smell your pussy, Antonia. You want me to fuck you, don’t you? You’re a little slut and you know it.” My body convulses with fear as he drags the knife to cut my panties away. I hate that he’s using my name, making it personal when he is just some sick, twisted creature and we’re the unlucky people he stumbled upon “You might want to stop wriggling.” He spits on my mound and drags the blade down over me. I’m stock-still, terrified he’s going

to mutilate me. He blows over my exposed skin and it dawns on me that he’s shaving my small patch of hair. Pain burns there a few moments later, making my body buck. “Move again and I’ll ram this blade up your fucking arse and cut you from hole to hole.” I want to scream, I want to call out. I want to die. After a few painful minutes, he flips me over onto my stomach. His hands part the cheeks of my bottom and his fingers prod at my hole. Please no, my mind pleads but no words pass my lips. I’m mute. His fingers penetrate me; it’s the most humiliating, painful thing he’s done yet. “Toni.” I hear the distant sound of James’s voice. You’re imagining it. The weight and hands of the devil leave me. I hear a flurry of activity and then James’ voice shouting. I’m turned over and he looks down at me, his face as white as the walls. His eyes fill with water as his hands battle to get me free. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” he pleads over

and over. My pulse pounds in my ears. The world stands still, noise comes and goes but I’m stuck there, gasping, fighting to breathe, and eventually I stop. “Oh my God, baby,” Finlay mutters, dragging me back to the present. Pulling me onto his lap, he burrows his head in my neck. “I woke up a day later in hospital. I’d lost a lot of blood and was in shock. Mom suffered a concussion.” I laugh without any humor. “She hates herself for not being able to protect me. We both have to live with this forever and it’s always there in the darkness, in my dreams. Every good memory of James was tainted with the bad memory of him finding me.” He’s squeezing me so tight it’s painful, but I let him hold me because it’s a hell of a lot better than him running for the hills. “The police believe we interrupted a robbery and he changed plans when we showed up. But it felt more than that. Who goes in to rob a store and

ends up murdering and assaulting someone like that?” “Is he still out there?” Grief alters his tone and I know how hard this is to hear. I hate re-living it and I know how much it cripples me that people I love were involved in something so horrific. “They never found him. He wore latex gloves that were there for him because Mom has to use them when handling diamonds and cleaning solution. They were hoping to find some evidence on my body but James had washed me down to remove the blood.” I shake my head. “I didn’t even know that until the police told me when they dropped the news that they had nothing. The cameras were disabled and they have no clue how he got past the codes.” James couldn’t forgive himself for being late that day, and every time we tried to get close he would shut down. He said he couldn’t get the images of me like that out of his mind and he couldn’t cope. We spilt a couple months after it happened.

I was a shadow of my former self. Every noise startled me. Mom had breakdown after breakdown. It got so bad she had to be committed for three months. My friends couldn’t look at me and eventually stopped calling. “The world I had always seen as beautiful and magical became tainted and dark with evil walking amongst it, just waiting to pounce. I was looking at the world through a new lens and it terrified me.” I wipe the sorrow from my face. “No wonder you have nightmares.” “The scar down there.” I rub over the reminder of that animal. “It’s letters. J W. The hair won’t grow there so I can’t hide it. I have a constant reminder of what he did to me and now so do you.” I will the tears to stop flowing. “Do you still want me, Finlay?” “What? Oh my God, Antonia, of course! Why would you . . . ? God, I want to find him and fucking kill him with my bare hands. I’m so sorry that happened to you, baby.”

“James told me he loved me. He told me he needed time but I could see in his eyes when he looked at me that there wasn’t enough time in the world that could heal us. My friends didn’t know how to be around me. I couldn’t go to uni, and Daddy struggled with guilt. That was the worst year of my life. I thought I was over the fear. I went through therapy and eventually started making new plans.” He holds me so tight, rubbing my bare legs as if I’m cold. “I think maybe you should see someone about your nightmares. Would you let me set that up for you, baby? Let me try to help.” “Okay. I was thinking the same thing,” I murmur. “Okay, good.” Picking me up and laying me back onto the bed, he wriggles us under the covers, pressing his body up against mine and stroking down my hair. It’s a relief now I’ve told him and he hasn’t left me or

looked at me differently. I’m so drained and tired. I use his body warmth to soothe me to sleep

“HEY, BABY. I MADE you coffee and some toast.” He’s too good to be true. “Thank you.” “I made an appointment with my therapist for you. She helped me when my dad died. I’ve also taken a week off work. I’m trusting Brad to handle things for me so clear your schedule.” He smiles

seductively over the rim of his mug at me. “Okay.” God, I hope he doesn’t change on me, or look at me like a victim like everyone else did. I need him to be the same with me. He walks around to where I’m standing and pulls me into him “So, what should we do today?” he asks, stroking at my hips. “Well, we need some shopping and . . . I can’t think with your hands doing that.” I moan as his hands move further down my hips. “I have other plans for you than shopping.” He lifts me onto the edge of the counter, stroking my bare thighs. His hands slip up my body, taking my chemise up and over my head then dropping it to the floor. His lips find my bare skin, kissing down my chest to my breast, teasing the nipple. His mouth is my new favorite thing ever. He lifts my hips, skimming down my panties, returning his lips to my skin, down my navel and across my thigh, gently nipping, before his tongue brushes against my sex. Leaning back on my hands to support myself and give him better access, his

tongue teases and flicks over me, his lips closing over my clit. “Oh, God!” “Hold it, baby.” I mourn the loss of his tongue on me; my insides coil with need. He laughs at my greedy whines and drops his boxers. Gripping my hips, he pulls me forward, edging me so my ass is balancing on the edge of the counter. He thrusts into me, his cock full and hard, filling me up with every delicious inch of him. “Oh God, you feel so good,” he growls into my neck as I start to flex my hips, grinding against him. He’s building me with every thrust. I’m nearing my peak and my head drops back, my body clenching around him, pushing deeper, harder, drawing me out before releasing into me, flooding me.

We have a quick breakfast before heading out to

the appointment Finlay made for me with his therapist, Dr Evans. I ask him to meet me downstairs so I can check in on Gaby. Her door is unlocked which I plan to bitch her out over. “Gaby!” I call knocking, and entering at the same time.“Gabs! Are you here?” “I’m in here.” Her voice comes from her bedroom so I follow the sound and enter her room. “Hey, you okay? Why are you still in bed? You look pale. Are you sick?” “I’m late. My period. Fucking hell, I can’t believe this is my life right now,” she sobs, covering her face with her hands. Woo, her statement hits me like gust of wind nearly knocking me clear on my ass. Pregnant? Gaby’s not ready for parenthood; oh crap Finlay will kill Mike. “How late are you?” “A week. I didn’t want to tell you. I’m scared you’ll tell Finlay.” Her eyes don’t hold mine as she speaks and I’m glad because she would see the hurt in my eyes, which well with tears, how can

she think I would do that? She’s been such an amazing friend to me I’d never betray that in anyway. “I would never do that. I’m going to pick you up a test. You shouldn’t panic until you know for sure. I have an appointment so I need to go, but I’ll come and see you tonight, okay? Try not to work yourself up.” I try to sound casual to calm her down, but inside I’m as nervous as hell for her. “Okay. Thank you for being such a good friend to me. I know you wouldn’t tell Fin really, I’m just being stupid.” She breaks into another round of hiccupping sobs with the last word. I give her a firm hug and wait for her to fall asleep before I leave her. Finlay’s waiting for me in a car that screams male! “Nice car.” I whistle with appreciation. I’m not an expert where cars are concerned but I can spot a nice piece of art when I see it. Finlay grins back at me, stroking the steering wheel like he would a lover. “She’s my other baby.

A 1967 Shelby mustang gt500.” “Wow, you’re such a boy right now. I thought you would drive a more business type car.” “This is my guilty pleasure. She was my dad’s. He used to take me out in her every weekend.” The car roars to life, making the seat vibrate slightly. I look out the window and contemplate how he’ll react if Gaby’s test is positive. Short answer; he will kill Mike . . . or Gavin. This is a mess. The car cruises to a stop. Finlay walks around to open my door for me then holds my hand, leading me right into Mrs. Evans’ office, and waits for me outside. Mrs. Evans is an older woman. She’s wearing baggy clothes, and a lot of them are layers over layers. She looks like one of my mom’s hippy friends, which is relaxing in a weird way. Auburn hair pulled up into a messy bun and purple-framed glasses resting on the tip of her nose finish off her quirky style. Her light brown eyes study me as I take a seat on a green leather armchair in front of her. Her office reminds me of a small library,

wall-to-wall bookshelves loaded with titles. “So what brings you here?” she asks without even addressing me by name. I’m a little confused by her manner but I trust Finlay so I tell her about my dreams. “It’s not uncommon for victims of brutal crimes to have reoccurring trauma well after the attack took place.” She scribbles something down on her notes. “You’ve just moved correct?” “Yes, a few months ago.” “You’re going through big changes right now and it takes time to adjust. The reason you moved is to overcome the ordeal and move on and in order to do so brings with it the memories of why. It’s your mind’s way of coping.”

I MANAGE TO BUY and stash the pregnancy test for Gaby on the way home from the therapist. After some shopping for art supplies and grabbing some groceries, we make our way home. After unpacking the shopping, we make our way next door to Gaby’s. Finlay has invited the guys round for a game night. He rolls his eyes at me when we find them already laughing on the

couch at Gavin, who’s telling tales of his latest conquest, and her being double jointed. Gaby is in the kitchen getting drinks for everyone so I make the excuse that I’m going to give her a hand. “Hey, how are you feeling?” I ask. “Tired and worried.” Rubbing her arm to offer comfort, I take a quick look around to make sure the guys are occupied. “I have the test.” I reach into my bag and slide the brown paper bag discreetly towards her but her eyes widen as she looks over my shoulder. “What are you two being sneaky about? What’s this?” Gavin appears behind me, snatching the bag. I didn’t even hear him coming, the sneaky fuck. “Gavin give that back!” I screech, launching myself at him. He’s taller than me and having way too much fun to heed my warning. I can’t believe how stupid I am for doing this here. Everyone has now turned their attention to us. A gasp leaves me when Gavin pulls the test out of the bag. My heart

hammers in my chest and I want to punch him for being such a guy. Crap. “You fucking asshole, Gav,” I breathe. I rub my hands down my face, hoping that this isn’t really happening. I feel Finlay’s eyes boring into me. My neck is on fire from his stare. “Shit, I . . . erm” Gavin stutters, putting the test on the counter. “Antonia,” Finlay whispers, getting to his feet. “I thought you were on the pill. I don’t understand.” His eyebrows pull together in puzzlement, until a sob escapes Gaby. His eyes go from me to her, widening. “Fuck no, Gaby,” he almost pleads, putting his hands to his face. “Gaby?” Mike asks. “Fucking hell. Oh my God, is it mine?” Gavin asks, shock in his tone. Gaby’s mouth drops and I look at him in disbelief, shaking my head. She looks at Mike and so do I; it’s like watching a train wreck that you can’t not see.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Finlay growls, his whole body vibrating with anger. Gavin looks over to him then to Mike. “Mike, I . . . you weren’t together it was . . .” “Fuck you, Gavin! And you, Gaby. I’m out!” Mike storms out of the apartment and then there’s a cracking sound and Gavin hits the floor with Finlay standing over him. “Get the fuck out!” he shouts at Gavin. “You make me sick.” He grabs a vase and throws it across the room. It shatters against the wall, making me jump, and Gaby breaks down on the floor, crying. Gabe moves to Finlay’s side, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Gavin, you’d better leave,” Gabe says. I’m frozen. Blood runs down Gavin’s lips from his nose, and he wipes his thumb across it, looking at the blood staining his fingers “It just happened. I’m sorry,” he says before he walks out of the apartment. “You fucking knew.” Finlay turns to me. It’s not a question and I still can’t move; the violence has

me glued and I’m so scared and weak even though I’m perfectly safe. I know he would never hurt me but the outburst affects my mind in ways I can’t control. I hate the hold the past has on me. “You fucking knew and didn’t tell me. This can’t be happening.” Finlay storms out of the room, leaving me standing there in terror. Gabe offers me comfort by rubbing my arms and looking into my face. “Antonia, he’s just mad. He’ll come around. Are you okay?” All I can do is slowly nod my head, although I’m far from okay. A lonely tear escapes my eye and I bring my hand up to swipe it away. My body is shaking but I will my legs to move and I go back to my apartment, lock the doors, and huddle under my quilt. That couldn’t have gone any worse. My phone beeps, alerting me to a text. I pull my cell from my jeans pocket. That was brutal. R u ok? Bx

I reply Yeah. Is Gaby? She’s in her room. Gabe and I are going to find Mike. Do u need anything? B x No thank u. Let me know if Mike’s ok Ax Despite my better judgment, I can’t leave Gaby like this. I slide out of bed, take a few deep breaths and head back over there. I gently knock on her bedroom door and when I push it open, Gaby is crying on her bed. This bed has seen a lot of our tears lately. “Hey, can I come in?” She nods. “I’m so sorry, Gabs. That was so stupid of me. I should have waited to give you the test.” I stroke my hand over her back and cry a little with her. The door swings open and Finlay stands in the frame, rummaging through a drug store bag. He throws a pregnancy test on the bed. “Go take the

test, Gaby,” he orders. “Finlay . . .” “Don’t!” he shouts at me before I can finish. I feel like a child being berated by my father, only my dad has more respect than to speak to me in such a manner. I grab the test and usher Gaby into the bathroom. “He is so angry at me. He acts like my dad,” Gaby sobs. “He just cares about you, Gabs. He will get over it.” I hope. “Should I do the test?” “If you want to. You don’t have to feel pressured into it though.” I reach for her hand and give it an encouraging squeeze. “I need to know. God, Mike hates me. I can’t believe Gavin said that in front of everyone.” She grabs the box and takes out the test, reading the leaflet. “I’ll give you some privacy but I’ll be right outside the door.” I smile reassuringly and gently close the door behind me. Finlay is right there,

glaring at me like I’m something he stepped in. “You know what, Finlay, screw you and your hateful face.” That’s a little weak, but sod it, keep going. “I’m Gaby’s best friend and she was scared and needed me. I wasn’t going to betray her trust. There was no point telling you anything until she took the test.” “Did you know she was sleeping with Gavin?” “She told me she slept with him once.” “Gavin! Antonia, you should have fucking told me! She’s my fucking flesh and blood!” I hate the way he’s looking at me. Where’s my loving, amazing boyfriend gone? “You’re being a little over the top right now. It’s not like he forced her. They’re grown-ups.” His face contorts into a flurry of emotions; I can’t put my finger on just one of them. Anger, grief, love, disbelief. “You don’t understand, Gavin is . . .” “A whore, yes, but he’s also your friend and you struck him tonight. That makes you an asshole.” “You don’t understand!”

I hold my hand up to stop him. “You’re damn right I don’t!” The bathroom door opens and Gaby looks between us. “It’s negative.” She sounds relieved, holding up the stick. A nervous laugh escapes her. “Negative.” I let out the breath I was holding and wrap my arms around her. “Thank God,” Finlay breathes, and I hear the bedroom door close behind him as he leaves. “He is so angry,” Gaby stutters. She looks like she’s been dragged through a bush backwards. Mascara and tears stain her cheeks, her eyes are red and blotchy, and her hair is sticking up in all directions from her rubbing her hands through it. “Do you want me to stay?” I ask, even though I’m desperate to hide away in my apartment. “No, it’s fine. I’m just going to try to phone Mike and then go to bed. I’m so relieved but I wish it didn’t have to cause so much crap.” She wipes her tears. “Everything is all fucked up for nothing.” “It will be okay. Good luck with Mike. I’m right next door if you need me. I’ll pop in and see

you in the morning.” I kiss her cheek then turn and leave as quickly as possible.

I turn the taps off, swilling the water in the tub, stripping my clothes off and leaving them in a pile on the floor. I tie my hair up into a bun on top of my head and step into the hot water. I can’t believe the night’s outcome. I’m so confused about Finlay. Where did that anger come from? It’s left me reeling and unsettled. I feel a need to call home but I can’t, Mom will be able to tell something’s wrong; she has radar for when something is troubling me. My hands and toes wrinkle and the water is losing heat. Grabbing a towel from the heated towel rail and wrapping it around my body, I step from the tub. The bath was nice but didn’t help my woes. I’m lost and lonely. I open the door and I’m startled to find Finlay

sitting on my bed. I want to run into the man I’ve fallen for but the atmosphere from the way he reacted and spoke to both Gaby and me is still thick in the air and clear in my mind. “How did you get in here?” I ask. “I have a key. How do you think I got the flowers and stuff in here?” His tone is calmer but his hair is in disarray, and a frown line mars his brow. “Oh. I didn’t actually think about it. Finlay, I’m tired, and to be honest, I don’t want to see you.” “She’s my baby sister, Antonia. I’m supposed to look after her not let my friends . . .” he paused before continuing. “There’s so much you don’t know.” “Don’t, Finlay. She is an adult and a woman. They are men, and it’s natural when you spend so much time with people for feelings to develop. That’s what happened with Mike. Gavin was just there when she needed someone. Better him than some stranger who could have been anyone or done anything. You put too much pressure on yourself. She doesn’t need looking after. You can’t

be her father.” I know he’s hurting, and I want to hold him, but I’m still raw and hurting too. I need to protect myself. I walk to my chest of drawers and pull a chemise out, dropping my towel and slipping the chemise on before crawling into bed, ignoring the fact that Finlay is still here. “I don’t know what to do. This is so hard, Antonia.” My heart beats faster. Oh God, is he talking about Gaby or us? Learning the dark hole of my past then me not telling him about Gaby has pushed him over the edge. Just like everyone else, he can’t deal. My head buzzes causing my legs to weaken. I try to come up with an answer but I’m not sure I have any. “Life’s hard, Finlay. You need to explain this better because I don’t understand and I’m really pissed at you. So talk or leave because I’m tired.” “I’m sorry, I just can’t,” he says as he gets up and leaves the room. I don’t know how much time passes but I don’t

move. I’m paralyzed with pain, my heart crushed. I knew he would leave me eventually, I just didn’t know I would feel such despair.

I CAN’T SLEEP SO I’m painting in a haze, trying to release the pain onto the paper. I need to get Finlay out of me. It hurts too much. How can I get through this after everything else? I need to try and sleep; I’ve been at this for hours. I put down the brush and cover the intense eyes looking back at me with a sheet. Crawling into my bed, Finlay’s scent still

lingers and I can’t bring myself to wash the sheets. Every inch of my skins craves his and yet he so easily walked away from me. Was it even real? For me it was, it will always be real for me. Light shines through the blinds creating an orange glow across the bedspread. I check my cell; it reads 6 A.M. I take three of the sleeping pills Dr. Evans gave me and pull the quilt up over my head. “Antonia, I’m coming in.” I look up to see Gaby, Finlay, Gabe, and Brad standing at the foot of my bed, staring at me, relief written clearly on their faces. “What the fuck, Antonia?” Finlay shouts, and I’m not sure if I’m still dreaming. If you were, he wouldn’t be shouting. “Antonia, are you okay?” Gaby asks, walking over to look at me. What the hell? “I’m fine. I was tired. What are you all doing in here?” “You’ve been off the fucking map!” Finlay replies. His tone is a mix of anger and relief.

“We’ve been trying to call you. Where have you been?” Gaby asks. “I’m so confused, guys. What time is it? I’ve been here, asleep, since you left last night, Finlay.” “Antonia, its one a.m,” Gaby tells me. “What? Shit!” I grab the pills from the side table Take one tablet before bed. DO NOT EXCEED THIS AMOUNT. Crap. “I took a couple sleeping pills to help me sleep,” I mutter. “They worked,” Gabe said, trying to lighten the mood. “Are you okay, A?” Brad asks. “Yeah I’m . . . I just . . . I’m sorry I worried you all. Thanks for caring but can you get out so I can put some clothes on?” “Sure, come on, guys.” Gaby ushers everyone out and I jump from the bed and go to my bathroom. My hair is a mess. I try to tame it with little success. I splash my face with cold water, trying to take down the red swelling from my tears last night. I slip off my chemise and

grab some underwear, jeans, and a sweater then pull them on and head out of the room. “Hey, I made you a coffee.” Finlay hands me a cup. “Thank you,” I whisper. God, it hurts to not be able to put my arms around him and inhale his scent. Gaby joins us and says, “I was worried. Your friend called. She said you were supposed to meet her this morning for coffee but you were a no show. I assumed you and Fin had decided to take off for the day. I didn’t think any more about it until I bumped into Brad at Gavin’s club around nine. He said Fin had been called into work so I panicked. I came home, tried your cell a few times. Brad and Gabe were knocking but there was no answer so we rang Finlay and here we are.” She gestures around the room. All eyes are on me and I feel like a child again, being told off by her parents. “Shit, I’m never taking those pills again. I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize I would sleep for that long.”

“It doesn’t matter now, as long as you’re okay. So . . . Xbox?” Gabe asks as if nothing happened, and I’m thankful for him breaking the tense atmosphere. “Sure, help yourself.” Finlay walks over to me and pulls me by the arm into the kitchen. “I know you don’t want to see me but when Gaby called, I thought you’d left. She said a James had called our place for you.” God, I’m going to kill my mom. “I’m sorry. My Mom must have given him that number.” How many times am I going to apologize today? “Is this the James? Your ex? Why is he calling you?” His tone is enquiring but there’s something else. Is that fear? “I don’t know.” “So, he wants back into your life. What does that mean for us?” “Finlay, I haven’t spoken to him. I don’t know what he wants and as for us, I’m not the one who left.”

“You told me to leave. I was a jackass, and I let my anger rule my head. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” “Hey, I’m going home to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Gaby interrupts. “Are you okay? Did you manage to sort things with Mike?” I ask. “No. He’s pissed at me, but I understand. I went to see Gavin to let him know I’m not pregnant and that it was a one-time only thing.” “Okay. Well, give Mike time. He will come around, Gabs. If not, then he’s not worth your tears.” I give her a quick hug and she leaves. Brad and Gabe leave five minutes later, realizing Finlay and I need to talk. “So what now?” I ask “Well, do you want me to leave?” My stomach turns over as I look up to see his beautiful green eyes gazing at me. “I thought you had, Finlay. I thought you left me.” My voice is weak and I have to hold my breath to stop myself from crying. “What? No, baby.” He grabs me into his arms,

holding me tight, pouring all his love into me, his heart thudding against mine. My whole body relaxes into him, my soul finally feeling content now I’m back where I belong. His scent fills my senses. God, he smells good. I can’t believe how much I crave him. My body responds to having him this close; I’m breathing heavier and every piece of anger I held towards him flees. His hand holds the back of my neck and his lips hover over mine, silently imploring me to kiss him. “I won’t leave you, ever. I love you. I love you so damn much,” he whispers against my lips. I close the gap, pushing my lips into his, tasting his warmth. My hands go straight into his hair, tugging him closer, pushing my tongue into his mouth. “God, I couldn’t concentrate all day, I just wanted to be here. I thought you wanted space,” he mumbles between swipes of his tongue. “I never want space from you. Make love to me.” He lifts me into his arms and takes me to bed.

IT’S BEEN A WEEK since Gaby’s pregnancy scare and she finally got her period. I went with her to the doctor to get her on birth control. Mike still hasn’t come around so Gaby’s been a little down. Gavin has tried to apologize to Finlay but things are still heated between them and I know there’s more to it then Finlay is sharing but I don’t want to push him. I’m hoping he will trust and open

up to me like I have to him. School has kept me busy during the day and Finlay keeps me busy in the evenings but the tension between everyone is driving me insane so I’ve invited everyone to my apartment for dinner. I’ve been cooking all day; Mexican, as its Finlay’s favorite.

I’m just popping the cork on a bottle of red wine when the door opens. “Hey, am I early?” “No.” I hold up the bottle. “Just in time.” “Thanks for the invite,” Gavin says. With his head down, he cautiously walks into my apartment. “They know you’re coming, Gav. You didn’t really do anything wrong. Gaby’s a big girl,” I say, trying to reassure him. “Thanks, Antonia, but Finlay’s been a good friend and I knew Gaby was off limits. I overstepped a mark he drew a long time ago.”

I give him an understanding pat on his shoulder and offer him a beer. “Hey!” Gabe calls, walking through the door with Mike and Brad behind him. I tense as Mike comes face to face with Gavin. I’m about to pass out from lack of oxygen because I’m holding my breath until Gavin gestures with his hand to Mike and they shake hands. “Dinner will be ready in half an hour, guys. Make yourselves at home. I’m going to get Gaby.” I open her front door and run straight into Finlay. “Hey, baby. I was just coming. Gaby is on the phone to our mother.” He says mother with a snarl. Grabbing his gorgeous face, I plant a big kiss on his full lips. “I love you. Come on then.” I take his hand and we head back to my place. “We found a visitor,” Gabe says from the living space. “Hey.” Libby raises her hand to wave. “Hey! So glad you made it! Everyone, this is my friend from school. Libby, this is everybody.”

“Hey,” everyone says in unison, causing laughter to ripple around the room. Libby joins me in the kitchen and helps to set the table. “Hey, guys,” Gaby says as she joins Libby and me. “Mom still won’t tell me what she and Finlay are fighting about. Has he said anything to you?” she asks hopefully. “No, and he won’t say, Gabs.” I wish he would talk to me. “Well, it’s stupid. Mom’s really upset.” The last thing I need is to get in the middle of another fight between these two so I decide not to respond. “Dinner, guys!” I call, taking the food to the table. We all take our seats and Gavin is the first one to help himself. Things seem back to normal, thank God, because I miss everyone when we don’t spend time together. Gabe starts a conversation with Libby about

her degree and Gaby keeps looking between Mike and Gavin who are both ignoring her. It’s not perfect but we’re all together. Family. “Do I know you?” Libby asks Gavin. He lowers his fork and gives her a full smile. “From your fantasies maybe, sweetheart. See, I’m every woman’s ideal man so women tend to think they know me.” The whole table erupts into laughter. “And just so you know, you can definitely get to know me.” Libby looks confused. “Did he really just say that?” Gabe pats her hand. “You’ll get used to him.” Finlay’s hand strokes up my knee to my thigh, distracting me from the conversation. I reach under and move his hand back down to my knee, and he starts the grueling climb again, sending little shock waves through my body from the promise of what’s to come. “Stop it,” I whisper, glaring at him, but he’s so close his eyes have glazed over. He’s in full on horny mode and it makes me bite my lip.

He leans in real close, his hand brushing past my pussy. “Your lips are telling me no but your body is screaming all kinds of yes, baby.” God, he knows me too well. It’s torture trying to keep from pushing against his hand. Would it be frowned upon to ravish him instead of the food? Screw this. “So, erm help yourselves to dessert everyone.” I stand, pushing my plate away. “Finlay, I left something I need in your room. Can you help me look?” Everyone stops what they’re doing and looks up at me. “Pull the other one, Antonia. You are too obvious! Now bring us desert, woman,” Gavin jests causing a blush to heat my cheeks and a round of chuckles to break out. “I’ll help you with dessert,” Finlay offers, with a smirk on his face. I scurry to the kitchen and he grabs me from behind, kissing my neck. “Subtlety is not your strong point, baby,” he breathes into my ear, making me shiver.

“You are driving me crazy. It’s not fair.” I push him back so I can talk to him. “Thank you for not being an ass with Gavin. I just want us all to move on.” “I’m trying something new, and to be honest, all I can think about is stripping you naked and kissing every inch of your sexy, fruity skin. I’m blanking out everything Gavin related.” “Fruity?” I ask. “Yes. You always smell of peaches or apricots. It’s mouth-watering.” “Finlay, sorry to interrupt but Marvin Harris just called. They’re still having problems with the Devaro deal. It’s looking like we may have to go sort this ourselves,” Brad says, coming into the kitchen and breaking our touch. “Fucking hell. I can’t rely on any fucking staff there. We need to do some serious corporate restructuring. Get Rupert to schedule the meeting for tomorrow. We’ll drive up and spend a couple days there getting things under control.” “Already on it,” he replies, hitting buttons on his phone and leaving the kitchen.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to leave you but this is important. I need to get it sorted.” Finlay’s whole demeanor has shifted. Gone is the lust-filled gaze and relaxed posture. He sounds exasperated. “It’s fine, Finlay. It’s your job, I understand. I’ll miss you though. How long will you be away?” “I don’t know, baby. Hopefully not long. I hate being away from you. I just can’t function when you’re not near me.” His lips touch mine and I’m lost completely consumed by him. I succumb to him even though there’s a room full of people waiting on us. His touch lights a fire inside me that spreads through my body. I need him. He lifts me and I wrap my legs around his waist. I can feel his erection pushing against my stomach. “I need to be inside you right now.” “Let’s go to your place.” I giggle against his lips. I’m pulled from my desire by the sound of Pink singing Funhouse, and Gaby walks in holding my phone. “Sorry to interrupt deeessseeerrtt but your cell

won’t shut up.” “Damn. You had to invite everyone over,” Finlay moans, dropping me to my feet. “Thank you.” I laugh, taking my cell from Gaby. “Hey, Mom.” “Antonia, finally! Is everything okay?” “Yes, fine. Why, what’s up?” “Well Daddy and I are coming to visit. We’ll be there tomorrow evening.” “What? Really? Wow, that’s great! It will be great to see you but a little out of the blue.” “Yes, I know, but Daddy has some business nearby so we just want to come for a quick visit.” “Okay, great. Well, I guess I’ll see you soon.” I disconnect the call. “Everything alright?” Finlay asks, raising a brow. “Yeah. My parents are flying in tomorrow.” “Oh, really? Well, it’s a shame I won’t be here. Maybe I can put my trip back a day.” “No, you don’t have to do that!” I shake my head. His brow furrows and his beautiful smile is now a hard line.

“Do they know about us?” Crap, why did he have to ask that? “No, I haven’t told them yet. I just . . . it happened fast and I . . .” My voice stumbles as he pins me to the spot with intense, accusing eyes. “They loved James. They still have the impression that he and I will eventually get back together, even though it’s been forever.” Finlay breaks eye contact and looks to the floor. “I’m going to tell them tomorrow though, in person,” I say, hating the thought of Finlay being offended. “Okay, well it’s up to you if you tell them. I just thought we were serious. I assumed you would have already said something to them.” My confident sexy boyfriend is gone and the little boy inside him has resurfaced; I haven’t seen him like this since he cried in my arms here at the piano, which feels like an eternity ago. “No, I want to tell them. We are serious Finlay. I’m seriously in love with you.” “I love you too. I want everyone to know.”

“Guys, we’re going to Harlow for drinks. You coming?” Brad asks. “No, thanks. We’re going to stay here and talk,” I offer, unconvincingly. “Yeah, we’ll go to my club, and you two talk,” Gavin says, with a toothy grin. “Libby’s coming with us. I’ll make sure she gets home. You okay with that Antonia?” Gabe asks. “Yeah, fine, if she wants to go. I’m not her mom, Gabe!” I laugh looking from Gabe to Libby. “I know but she’s your friend. I just wanted to make sure.” He looks shyly down at me his cheeks gaining a tinge of pink “It’s fine. Have a good time.” I smile, giving him then Libby a quick hug. After everyone has filtered out, Finlay says, “Finally alone. Come on, I want to show you something.” He grabs my hand and pulls me towards the front door. “Where are we going?” I ask as he ushers me into the lift. He pulls out a key and inserts it with a

code into the control panel; the doors close and we start rising. I can feel his eyes on me, making me ache with need. After all we’ve done together, he can still make me melt into puddle at his feet with just a look. The doors open and we step out into the entrance to the penthouse. Following the style of the other apartments, a huge double oak door is the focal point. Finlay dangles some keys and walks to open the doors. It’s huge. The entire back wall is glass from roof to floor, wrapping around the apartment. The floors are oak, except there’s carpet where the corner sofa curls around in a large half-moon in front of a log fire. The kitchen is steel and granite, and overlooks a spacious dining area with an oak table that seats at least ten. “Finlay, it’s incredible!” My feet take me to the window. “The view is stunning.” I feel the urge to grab my pad and sketch the lights below, twinkling like stars reflecting in water. It’s beautiful. “Why do you have the keys?” “It’s mine. I own the building. I kept this and

the apartment next to you, but I will eventually sell the rest.” “What? Why didn’t you tell me?” “I never had reason to. I wasn’t planning on moving in here for a while but I think Gaby is ready to run her own life. I’m going to gift her the apartment and I’ll be here if she needs me.” He wraps his arms around my waist and breathes in the scent of my hair. “Now, let me show you the bedroom.”

THE BRIGHT SUN FLOODS the room, making me squint. The smell of coffee wafts from a mug Finlay is holding as he sits on the side of the bed, fully dressed in a grey business suit. His gorgeous green eyes are glazed with lust, making my stomach clench. The sheet barely covering my naked body has his eyes traveling the length of me, drinking in every inch on display.

“You’re so beautiful. I could stay here looking at you forever.” He smiles his sexy half grin. “Then why are you dressed? Role play?” I ask, raising my eyebrows in jest. “Hmm, I wish. I have to go, Brad is waiting for me. We’re driving to the New York office. I’m going to be gone a few days.” My stomach drops. “I’ll miss you.” Finlay leaving is getting harder. My body yearns for him when he isn’t here. “I miss you already and I haven’t left yet. If this wasn’t important I would stay. I’d love to take your parents to dinner and show them how much I love their amazing daughter.” He kisses my forehead then my nose, moving down to my lips. His soft, featherweight kisses have my stomach flipping over and my pulse hammering against my chest. “I have to go. You’re too tempting. I love you. I’ll call you later, okay?” “Okay. I love you.” I watch as he leaves, his body filling out his suit to perfection. He should be on a catwalk. I roll over to check the time. I have an hour before class,

so rounding up my scattered clothes from last night, I slip them on and go back down to my apartment to change.

After a morning of classes I meet up with Gaby for lunch. Libby’s tags along even though she’s been complaining of a stomach ache all morning in class. As we walk into Giselle’s, Gaby’s already seated at a table. Giselle’s reminds me of the local pub back home. It has a warm, friendly atmosphere. The interior is all dark wood with a huge log fire as a focal point; warm orange walls add to the warmth. It’s small but serves the best pasta within a five-mile radius. “Hey, sweetie. I already ordered for us.” Gaby beams “Thanks, you’re a star. I hope it’s nothing to heavy. Libby is having stomach issues.” I send a raised eyebrow in Libby’s direction. “I keep

telling her to stop late night snacking,” I add, nudging her as she takes the seat next to me. “Hey, if we weren’t meant to late night snack then there wouldn’t be a light in the fridge!” “True,” Gaby says. “So, Gabe asked me out on a date!” Libby looks from me to Gaby. “Why didn’t you say earlier? What did you say? Gabe is a total sweetheart.” “I know, I said yes. We’re going out tomorrow night.” She giggles and Gaby does a little shimmy in her chair “That’s exciting news, Lib, and you’ll need to text me after with the details. I want them all!” She giggles again and nods. A cute pink flush has brightened her pale complexion. “So, Gabs, any luck with Mike?” I cautiously ask. “We’re talking again, which is a start, I suppose,” she replies with a timid smile. “And Gavin?” “We’ve sorted things. He’s been great, surprisingly.”

I offer a supportive smile and drop the subject.

I JUMP FROM MY chair and open the front door. “Hey!” I screech, embracing my mom in a vice grip. Daddy puts his arms around us both, cocooning us. “How’s my princess?” “I’m great, Daddy. I can’t breathe though.” I laugh as he eases his grip, allowing me to pull away. As I step back, I notice someone familiar

standing just behind Mom, looking gorgeous with his wavy blond hair slightly dropping over his piercing blue eyes. “James?” I breathe. “I don’t understand. What are you doing here?” “Let’s go inside, sweetheart.” Mom ushers me inside and we go straight to the couch. My head feels foggy. James is here with my parents. I haven’t seen him for six months. They all sit around me, their faces etched with concern. “Sweetheart, we came because we need to tell you something that couldn’t be said over the phone.” My heart beat plummets to a deafening thud as different scenarios run through my mind. Mom’s ill, or Daddy. Someone’s died. I’m not prepared when Mom finally speaks. “They caught him, sweetheart. The police made an arrest.” My vision blurs as I try to focus on her words. Time passes; seconds, minutes. I’m not sure. James appears before me, handing me a glass of water

and stroking my hair. “Toni, drink some water. Take some deep breaths.” His deep, soothing voice curls around me, offering me comfort I haven’t had from him in so long. “When, Mom?” “They came two days ago to tell us but we wanted to tell you in person. He was caught during another robbery and he confessed.” James’ arms wrap around me. I’m numb “Listen, sweetheart. They’ve asked that you come home and identify him.” I can taste salty tears on my lips “Why if he’s confessed?” “The man in custody has mental health issues and doesn’t have intimate knowledge of the crime, which means it could be a false confession,” Daddy answers. My breathing picks up speed at an uncontrollable rate; I think I’m going to pass out. “Calm down. Just try and steady your breathing,” James says.

“Where are your pills, sweetie?” Mom asks. I point to my bag and the next thing I know, Mom’s slipping a pill in my mouth and pouring water down my throat. “If he confessed then it’s him, right? How will Toni even remember his face?” James asks. Warm water covers my face and my sobs come uncontrollably. Mom rubs my arm and her voice is strained with sadness. “Sweetheart, don’t cry. Everything’s going to be alright. If I could do this, I would, but because he attacked me from behind I didn’t get a good enough look at him so they won’t let me. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take this all away.” Seeing Mom’s tears hurts my soul. “I’ll never forget his face. I’ll come home. Daddy, what will happen now?” I ask clearing my throat and wiping the tears still trickling down my cheeks; James releases me but keeps his hand on my knee. “We take you home as soon as possible and you can make a positive I.D, then he will be charged. There are still a lot of the details we don’t know.”

He answers with anger and sorrow in his tone. I nod my head and try to clear my thoughts. Mom goes to the kitchen to make drinks. My head throbs. Everyone is looking around, talking about how good the apartment looks. A change of subject is their way of dealing so I answer their questions and try to smile but inside I’m reliving everything I went through. The man who haunts me when I close my eyes is a man of evil. He took so much from people that day and he can’t even remember crucial details. My cell lights up with Finlay’s number. I take a deep breath and move away from everyone to answer it. “Hey, baby. Are they there?” Finlay asks. “Yes they got here about an hour go. Did you manage to get some work done?” I try to take the strain out of my voice with little success. “What’s wrong? You sound upset.” “Nothing. Everything’s fine. I just got myself upset seeing them. I miss you.” I can’t tell him the news over the phone “I miss you too. I wish I were there with you.

I’ll let you go and I’ll call you later when they’ve left. Are they sure they don’t want to use the apartment to stay in?” “No, they already booked the hotel. I love you. Speak soon, bye.” “Bye, baby. I love you.” “Who was that?” Mom asks over my shoulder, startling me “Actually, I need to speak to you about who that was. It was Finlay.” “Gaby’s Finlay?” she asks, pulling her eyebrows together creating age lines on her forehead “Actually, he’s my Finlay. We’re together.” “What?” Daddy asks. James’ face drops, as does his body, forcing him to sit down on the couch. “We’re in love,” I say. “Love!” Mom spits, looking over to James who is rubbing his face. This is beyond awkward. I know Mom loves him and thought we would eventually find each other again but it has been over a year. We haven’t seen each other for ages. I

moved across the world! It hurts that she backs him so much considering how he pulled away after the attack. “Yes, Mom. Love. He’s a good man.” “I know exactly what sort of person he is, Antonia. I’ve known him most of his life,” she retorts, and Daddy interrupts before I can ask her what she means because there’s a tone to her voice he doesn’t deserve. There’s nothing wrong with Finlay so I can’t see why she would try to imply there is. “We can talk about this later. It’s been a long day. We came straight here from the airport so we need to go check in at the hotel. James can stay here with you, so you can talk. We’ll go get settled and be back to take you for dinner.” “Okay.” I don’t bother telling them I spent the afternoon cooking for them, I just wanted them gone. As much as I missed them, everything all at once is too much. I kiss them goodbye and walk them to the door, sighing heavily as I close the door behind them. “So tell me about this Finlay?” James asks

walking with me to the kitchen where I pour a much-needed glass of wine. He has such a cheek asking me questions. Why is he even here? “What do you want to know, James? It’s good to see you but I’m confused about why you’re here.” He comes closer, rubbing his hand down my arm “I wanted to see you. I tried calling, texting, emailing. I miss you like crazy, Toni. I didn’t realize how much until you left and I knew I wouldn’t see you again.” “We never saw each other anyway, James. Your choice, remember? You can’t just travel here with my parents like nothing happened.” “I didn’t travel here with them. I’m here with the band. We got signed, Toni, that’s why I wanted to talk to you. Then your mum called when the police . . .” he takes a deep breath and looks to the floor. I put my glass down and absorb what he’s just told me. “You got signed? Oh my God! You got signed!” I scream. I can’t contain my joy. I was a part of their

band at one point and always supported everything they did. A dazzling smile lights up James’ face. “Yeah, I knew you would be happy. We’re supposed to be recording in New York but there’s a great studio here, Blue Studios, just ten minutes from your apartment so we’re here for a couple of days before we go there. We have a couple of gigs set up for us.” I wrap my arms around him, squeezing him tight. His body relaxes into mine and he sighs and inhales my scent as he embraces me back. “Congratulations. I’m so happy for you and the guys! I bet they’re stoked.” “Yeah they are. They’re hoping to get together with you while we’re here. Are you still playing?” he asks pointing to the piano. “When I can. I don’t play nearly enough as I’d like.” I smile weakly. “Toni, I’m sorry things ended the way they did. Guilt ate at me like a cancer. I couldn’t move past it. I let you down when you needed me and for that, I’m sorry.”

“We’ve been over this. It wasn’t your fault. I never blamed you.” My voice is now a whisper “I know. I know you didn’t, but I did. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for so much and it’s all too late. You’re with someone else. I hope he’s worthy of you.” “He is,” I say, growing angry. Why now? He has no right to say that after the way things ended with us. I needed him and he pulled away and made me feel ashamed for being a victim, he doesn’t get a say in who is worthy of me. I turn from his gaze, pouring another glass of wine. The liquid slides down, helping to calm my frayed nerves. “That’s a good red. Do you mind if I have a glass?” “Of course. Help yourself.” James pours himself a glass then jesters towards the piano. “So, do you fancy playing?” James and I always used to play together before we fell apart. It’s nostalgic to be here with him; the pull to play is strong. “Okay,” I reply with a cheesy grin, my anger

dissipating. Later Mom called to say she and Dad were tired so they’ll see us tomorrow. I know she’s just giving James time with me I’m having fun, and forgetting the reason they came. James and I spend hours playing and singing. It’s so refreshing to be around him like this; it’s like old times. The strain of what happened appears to have lifted between us. I shift slightly when I notice him looking at me like he used to, admiration making his eyes glass over. We’re laughing at old memories and butchering The Eagles’ Hotel California when Finlay’s voice speaks from behind me, making me jump almost into James’ lap. “Replaced me already?” he asks with raised eyebrows. “Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were in New York?” I quickly get to my feet and put some space between James and me, which I don’t succeed in doing because James stands and moves to my side.

“I was in New York. You sounded upset! I know you. I knew it wasn’t just seeing your folks, so I drove home. Who’s this?” He points to James but keeps his eyes on me “Hey, I’m James,” James answers for me, offering Finlay his hand. “James?” Confusion masks his face. He keeps his eyes on me, ignoring James’ outstretched hand. “He came with my parents. He’s recording here in Rhode Island,” I mutter. “Should I go?” James asks, pulling on my arm to make me look at him. “Erm, yeah. I’ll see you in the morning.” “Okay. It was good to see you, Toni.” He kisses my head, ignoring that Finlay’s in the room. Finlay’s jaw tenses and anger flares in his eyes as James walks past him and leaves. “What’s going on, Antonia? Why didn’t you mention this on the phone?” “I didn’t want you to worry. You have work to do.” “Why would I worry? Should I be worried?” He points towards the door James just walked

through, hurt and anger is thick in the atmosphere and guilt makes my insides twist. “No, of course not.” I walk towards him but stop when he puts his hand up to halt me. “You sure? Because you sure seemed pretty cozy.” “We were just reminiscing.” “Wasn’t he the one that left you because you were sexually assaulted?” he shouts, making me flinch “Finlay, don’t.” I choke back the tears. “I can’t believe I came all the way back and this is what I find. I fucking told you I wouldn’t share you, Antonia.” “You’re being stupid. He showed up because the police caught the man that did it! That’s why I was upset but I didn’t want to tell you over the phone and worry you! Why do you get so angry and say stupid shit? I can’t deal with it, Finlay! All I wanted was to be wrapped in your arms and instead, here I am, crying again.” I swipe angrily at the tears cascading down my face. His stiff posture collapses but I feel so drained

and emotional. It feels like this is how I’ve been since I got here’ hurting, crying. For all the good times we’ve had there have been just as many bad times full of drama and pain. “They got him?” Finlay’s shaky voice breaks my meltdown. “Oh my God, Antonia.” He walks towards me, arms open. “Don’t, Finlay. I’m too pissed at you. I don’t need you to hold me now.” “What if I need you to hold me?” His eyes search mine. How can I refuse him when he says stuff like that? Two minutes ago he was so angry and didn’t want me near him, and now he’s seeking comfort from me. I know he loves me but fear still plagues me that he could leave me without hesitation when anger rules his head and heart. “Why do you want to be with me, Finlay? Why are you so hostile at times?” His eyes probe mine as if my question doesn’t make sense to him. “You’re like the bluest ocean, the purest lake, and I’m happily drowning in you, Antonia. I love you and can’t bear the thought of

losing you so I can’t help getting upset seeing you laughing and being loving towards your exboyfriend who you failed to tell me was even here.” Maybe he couldn’t leave me so easily. I shake my head and start to speak but he cuts me off. “I’m sorry for getting angry. I don’t want to talk about him anymore. I just want to touch you, bask in your beauty. Any time away from you is an eternity.” He reaches for me, his hand brushing my cheek. Heat ripples through me like a flame from my toes to the top of my head, lighting every nerve ending in its path. Desire stirs deep in my stomach and everything that has happened in the last eight hours fades away. He brings his other hand up to cup my other cheek, stroking his thumb over my quivering bottom lip. I let out a heavy breath and he closes the distance, taking my lips to his. His arms wrap around my body, his kisses become more aggressive, and I love it. I yank at his clothing as he strips me of mine, until we’re panting hard and completely naked. He grabs my hips, lifting me. I wrap my legs

around his waist as he pushes me up against the nearest wall. I reach down and stroke his hard, smooth cock and guide him to my opening. With one quick thrust he enters me, making me call out in pleasure. My nipples harden from the friction of our skin rubbing together with every thrust. His lips nuzzle my neck as I tug on his hair. “Oh, God, Finlay! Harder! Harder!” “Holy fuck, Antonia, I love it when you say that shit.” He lowers me to the ground guiding me to the kitchen counter and bending me over it; the cold impact on my sensitive skin takes my breath away and then he’s inside me again, taking me from behind, grasping my hips and grinding into me. “You want it harder, baby? You want me to fuck your tight little pussy real fucking hard?” I’m so close; I feel my pussy tightening around him, squeezing his shaft, accepting everything he has to give me. “Yes! Fuck me harder! Make me come.” “I love it when your mouth gets filthy. Grind on

my cock.” He thrusts hard, making me scream. “Come on my cock, Antonia. Soak my fucking cock! I can feel you coming, you’re strangling my dick!” Pulling out, he drops to his knees behind me, his tongue swiping over my pussy causing me to lose strength in my legs. “You taste so good when you come.” His hands grasp my ass cheeks in a tight grip. “I love this ass.” He stands, sliding his hard cock up the seam of my ass, pushing my ass cheeks tight around it and rotating his hips. Hot ribbons of cum spurt up my back with his release, emptying himself on to me as my body convulses from the incredible orgasm he left me twitching from moments before.

“YOUR PHONE, BABY. YOUR phone.” Finlay’s voice brings me round from a groggy sleep and he’s trying to give me something. “What?” “Your cell phone is vibrating. Wake up.” I press the icon and bring the phone to my ear. “Hello?” “Hey, sweetheart, it’s Dad. Are you still

sleeping?” “No, no. I’m up.” “Okay, well, do you want to meet for some brunch?” “Sure. Where?” “Here at our hotel. I’ll send a car for eleven, okay?” “Yeah, sounds great. I’ll see you soon.” I press end and look at the time on the display screen. It reads 9.55 A.M. “That was my Dad. He wants to meet for brunch.” Finlay’s arm embraces me and I feel the electricity from his touch right through my core. “Do you want me to come?” “Hmmm, when you say come?” His hands tighten, pulling me into his lap. “You little minx.” He groans, nuzzling my neck. “I need to get dressed. I would love you to come to brunch but don’t you need to get back to work?” “I can go later. I want to see your folks. Let’s get ready. We can start with getting you out of your

nightwear,” he says, yanking my chemise over my head and laying me back on the bed. As we arrive at the hotel my nerves are shot. Daddy didn’t say if James was joining us, and I didn’t tell them that Finlay is coming. This is wreckage waiting to happen. My car door opens and Finlay reaches in for my hand. My heart is pounding in my chest. I can hear my pulse in my ears. His warm hand slides into mine and I’m greeted to his beautiful smile but I can’t get my mom’s disappointed face from my mind when she found out I was seeing Finlay but who wouldn’t fall in love with him? I can do this, we love each other, and nothing else matters as long as we’re together. His lips brush my knuckles and his other hand lightly lays on the bottom of my back, guiding me into the foyer. It’s a beautiful hotel; marble floors and walls with gold chrome finishing, the high ceiling holds

crystal chandeliers the size of small cars, and dark blue velvet furnishings run throughout, reminding me of royalty. This place was created for queens, expensive, posh, beautifully dressed with blue blood running through its veins. “Sweetheart!” I see Mom’s hand frantically waving back and forth like she’s trying to signal a plane from an island after being shipwrecked. She soon stills when I walk towards her with Finlay holding my hand. “Hey, Mom, Daddy. You remember Finlay.” I gesture towards him and he smiles and offers his hand to them to shake, which they do “Of course. Hello, Finlay. How are you?” Mom asks with little interest. “I’m good, thank you. It’s nice to see you both again.” “And you. I’m having dinner with your mother tonight.” “Oh really? That’s nice for you both. I know she misses you” He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Let’s eat, shall we?” Daddy says, as we take a seat around a four-chaired table. Relief fills me that James hasn’t made an appearance. We order drinks from an over-eager waitress wearing black slacks, a too tight white shirt, and an apron covering nearly all her bottom half. She manages to take our orders while twirling strands of her dark brown hair that’s come loose from her ponytail, her eyes not moving from Finlay’s face. When I look from her to him, his eyes are only focused on me, making me bite my bottom lip in amusement. “So, Finlay, how’s business?” Daddy asks, breaking our eye contact. “Good, thanks. It hasn’t been easy but we’re getting there.” He shrugs with a tight-lipped smile. Finlay adds some business talk that goes over my head but has Daddy’s full attention. I watch him, intrigued at how professional and put together he is for someone so young. He’s so different when we’re alone and when we’re with our friends. “Does it involve as much traveling as your

father did?” Mom interjects, taking Finlay by surprise and making me glare at her. “It does involve a lot of traveling at the moment but I’m hoping, with some rearranging, I’ll have better management so I don’t need to travel as much.” She smiles tightly and watches the waitress almost dribble on Finlay as she places down his drink. “So, sweetheart, James says you talked.” “Yes, Daddy. It was good to see him. We cleared the air.” I reach my hand under the table and stroke Finlay’s knee, and when his hand comes on top of mine and strokes me back, I feel less like I’m betraying him just for mentioning James. “Finlay, did you meet James? He’s such a lovely boy with a voice to die for,” Mom says. Clearing his throat and shuffling in his seat Finlay replies, “Yes. I did, and I’m glad that after abandoning Antonia when she needed him the most, Antonia has a big enough heart to forgive

him.” I close my eyes briefly in disbelief and my heart rate picks up. When I open them again I see Mom staring at me with her mouth agape. Daddy is clinging to a napkin so hard his knuckles have turned white. “I’m sorry if that was out of line, but I don’t share the same views and affection as you do when it comes to James.” He squeezes my hand and looks at my mom. “You told him about what happened?” Mom asks, tears filling her eyes. “Yes,” I murmur. “I had a couple nightmares and he helped me. I’m seeing a physiologist that he recommended because they were quite intense nightmares, like before.” “What? Why didn’t you say something?” Daddy asks, reaching out to hold my hand. I pull my eyes from Mom’s as she dabs them with a napkin. “Because I’m coping and Finlay’s helping me. I didn’t want you worrying.” “Excuse me. I need to use the bathroom.” Mom leaves the table.

“I’ll go check on her.” As I make my way to the bathroom I feel like I’m drowning in the past again. I walk into the bathroom and find Mom holding on to the sink with her head down. “Mom, it’s okay.” “What are you doing with Finlay Hayes? He is not the guy for you. He is just like his father. He will work and travel and you’ll be left at home, missing him, miserable, just like Diane was for all of their marriage. Is that who you want to be? I thought you and James-” “Mom! Just stop right there! First of all, Finlay is a good man. He works hard to keep his father’s company in their family. Second, James has been signed to a record label. He will have to travel on tour for months at a time so I wouldn’t see him either, and third I want a life and career of my own so I won’t be sitting at home waiting for anybody.” “I know Finlay’s a good boy in many ways. His mother is like a sister to me so I care for him but I just feel like he is the wrong choice for you. He is handsome, rich, and women will throw themselves

at him and lets face it we all know he’s not shy in accepting those offers. How long before he’s tempted? Are you sure you can handle him being away for weeks at a time?” “Mom, I love you and Daddy, and I’m grateful for everything you have done for me, but it’s my choice. I thought you would have a little more faith in me. I love him and trust him, and he loves me. Why would you assume he’s going to cheat? Daddy works just as hard and travels for work and James the guy you’re so desperate for me to be with, didn’t want me! He’s also in a rock band Mom and will do just as much if not more traveling then Finlay.” “I just want things to be how they were meant to be, before that stupid man stole so much from us. Finlay’s not right for you.” “What does that mean, Mom?” “I’m going to be honest, Antonia. I can’t see this lasting. He never has girlfriends, his mother says he is a bachelor who likes it that way and she doesn’t see him ever settling down. He plays the

field and he has the opportunity to do it all the time he’s away, so when he breaks your heart don’t say I didn’t warn you. We need to discuss a trip home. The police need to see you.” I can’t believe I let her say all that to me. I’m going to blame shock for keeping me mute. My whole life my parents appeared to have a happy, healthy marriage, so her outburst is unlike her and unjustified. “Fine, Mom.” I leave her in there while I make my way back to the table, where Finlay’s deep in conversation with Dad. He looks up at me as I approach the table and smiles. “You ok, baby?” he asks, reaching for my hand “I need to pop into school. I forgot some work I need.” I turn to my dad. “Daddy, make arrangements for when I need to come home and let me know, okay?” I kiss my confused father on the cheek and walk from the hotel as quickly as my legs will carry me. When the fresh air hits my face I inhale it into my lungs, bringing my shaking hands up to rub my face.

“You okay?” Finlay’s anxious voice fills my ears “No. I’m angry. I don’t understand what my mom’s problem is with you. She thinks with you working away so much I should be worried about other women.” He flinches like he’s just smelled something bad. “Why would she think that? Do you think that?” “No, of course not! He just thinks I’ll end up like your mo-” I stop myself. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean . . . there’s nothing wrong with your mom, I just . . . I’m sorry. I’m on edge. She makes me so mad I’m not thinking straight.” “My father didn’t cheat with other women, my mom was the cheat and if your mom thinks you will end up like her, she doesn’t have high fucking hopes for you, does she?” His face has transformed from gentle to seething mad. “Is that why she’s pushing James on you? I don’t get why they like him so much, and for the record, yes, my dad did travel for his job. Where’s the fucking crime in that? He gave us a good life, we didn’t want for

anything, he was a good man and a good dad. He didn’t deserve what my mother did to him!” He shouts his voice cracking. He’s angry and I can’t blame him. He doesn’t deserve her judgment but I don’t deserve his anger. I’m glad he’s opening up about his mother, even if it’s hard to hear. Diane always played the perfect housewife. Supportive, devoted to her husband, loving soccer mom to her two children, and loyal friend. To learn parts of that were a façade leaves me uneasy. “I know your father was a good man, Finlay. I’m sorry my mom is acting unfairly. She just thinks they know what’s best for me. They’re both panicking that I’m growing up. I’m their only child.” I shrug, smiling up at him, trying to lighten the mood, but he doesn’t smile back. “I’m going to call you a car to take you where you need to go. I need to go to the office for a while.” His tone is all business. My caring, loving Finlay has left the building, and it makes me shiver, like winter has crept into my skin. “Finlay,” I mutter, but he doesn’t answer. He

takes out his phone and paces while he speaks. I don’t hear what he’s saying, all I hear is my own breath going in and out. He’s shutting me out, and it’s agonizing. I can’t keep enduring these mood shifts of his. I love him, and the love he has for me impacts my soul with such intensity that when he pulls away it’s like a part of me bruises and never heals. “Antonia! Are you even listening to me?” “I’m sorry, what?” “The car will be here in a few minutes. I have a lot to sort out and I’ll be late tonight so don’t wait up. I’m just going to crash at mine.” Wow. He has never stayed away from me when he’s been in town. My fear of him closing me out is magnifying but I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to deal with me or the baggage that comes with me either, then be judged and discarded as boyfriend material by people that have known you your whole life, and why? Because you work too hard, earn too much and are good looking. Wow, what a mess my life is. I’m getting real tired of people leaving me for things out of my control. Does he

even notice the damage he is causing to my soul? “Antonia, your car is here.” “I’ll walk, and see you when I see you.” I don’t wait for a reply. I begin the walk home, the scenery passing like a DVD on fast forward, and before I realize I’m there, staring up at my apartment building. “Hey, beautiful. You okay?” Gavin’s broad profile fills my vision as he walks towards me. He looks neat and tidy as always, in a light grey suit. His gelled dirty blond hair and the naughty glint in his blue eyes give him an alluring presence. “Gavin, hey. What are you doing here?” “I was just checking on Gaby and inviting her to the club tonight. We have an awesome band about to go big time playing there tonight.” “Really? Wow, sounds great.” “Yeah, wow. It’s okay to be impressed by me, Antonia,” he says, grinning from ear to ear, making me laugh a little. “So . . . house call not a text or phone call?” I ask, cocking an eyebrow. “Listen, I know the boundaries. I crossed them

once and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize my friendships but I won’t just ignore her like Mike. It’s not fair, and I care about her, which is rare, by the way. So I’m being her friend because that’s all she wants from me and I’d rather be a good friend to her than a bad boyfriend, because let’s face it, I suck at that shit.” He picks some invisible lint off his sleeve, looking down to the ground. “I think you underestimate yourself. I’m glad you’re being her friend. Mike needs to give her a break. It’s been weeks. He’s being a dick. Why do they do this? Torture us, keeping us hanging by a thread. He should suck it up and forgive her, or cut her loose.” “Fuck, you okay? Everything good with Hayes?” He reaches a hand to pat my arm and looks down at me, concern arching in his brow. “Yeah, peachy.” I shrug “Okay, well why don’t you come tonight with Gaby? You haven’t been to the club for ages. It’s going to be a good night and your drinks are on

me.” He raises both his eyebrows and brings his hands up to make a thumbs up gesture, grinning like a schoolboy who has seen boobies for the first time. “Haha, okay. I could definitely go for a drink and let loose.” My insides are coiled tight, my nerves grinding against my sanity for relief. Between my parents, Finlay, James, and the news they brought with them, I’m going to go postal. My mind plays over what Gavin said about a band playing that’s about to go big time. “What’s the band called?” Please don’t say The Blazers. Please don’t say The Blazers. “The Rush, why?” It would be too much of a coincidence if it were James’s band but life has a way of screwing me over so I had to check. “I just wondered. I’ll see you tonight, and thanks, Gav. You’re a good friend.” “Good enough for a boob flash?” “Wow, you lasted ten minutes before you went

from good friend back to being a perv.” “Hey, I’ve got a reputation to keep up! See you tonight.”

“ANTONIA ARE YOU READY?” Taking one more look in the mirror, I can’t help but smile at the girl looking back at me. I’ve curled my blonde locks into tighter curls, leaving tight spiral corkscrew curls flowing down my backless silver dress. The dress like a second skin, showing all my curves. It comes to just above the knee, making me grateful for my toned legs. I

feel attractive and this is what I needed—a boost. Teaming the dress with black suede boots that have silver heels, and a silver clutch to match, I apply my lipstick to complement my dark, smoky eyes. “I’m ready,” I say, leaving my room to find a glamorous Gaby wearing a dark blue satin dress ruched at the bust, giving her a much needed boost to her cleavage. Her dress is shorter than mine, showing off her amazing long legs. Libby’s wearing a black and gold dress the same length as mine, teamed with killer heels. “Wowzer, you look amazing,” Libby says. Her date with Gabe had gone extremely well, leaving her a little smitten with him. “Back at you, Libs. Gabe’s going to have a fit when sees you.” She bounces on the spot, squealing. She and Gaby are so similar in personality it doesn’t surprise me that they have become friends so quickly. “Car’s here, girls. Let’s go,” Gaby announces, opening the front door.

When we arrive at Gavin’s club, the queue goes all the way around the building, but Gaby walks over to the bouncer who recognizes her straight away and drops the red rope to let us pass. She reaches up to drop a sweet peck on his cheek, making his harsh glare brighten into a warm shit-eating grin. “What the fuck?” a few girls at the front shout as we shimmy in behind Gaby. It pays to know people. The music is loud with bass bouncing off the walls, making them vibrate and thud like a pulse. The sound of people talking leaves a humming sound in the air as the music’s too high to actually hear the words people are speaking. Gaby reaches her hand behind her for me to take as she weaves us through the packed club. Hot, sticky bodies keep gyrating against me until we finally make it to the bar. “Can I buy you lovely ladies a drink?” a guy

wearing a designer suit and loafers asks as soon as he sees us. He’s not bad looking but he clearly loves himself. His eyes can’t seem to decide which one of our asses to stare at. Even if I were looking to be hit on, which I’m not, he would be an instant turn off. “You here to see the band? Because I’m their manager. I could get you a meet and greet?” “Oh my God, really?” Gaby asks, acting like Justin Timberlake just showed her his trouser snake and said she can touch it. When did she become a groupie? “Sure, what are your names? I’ll add them to the list.” “Their names are off limits to the likes of you, Anderson. Back off,” Gavin interrupts, stepping in between Gaby and the suit. Gavin signals the bar maid with a hand wave then a come here finger crook which she instantly obeys, despite the customers all waving their money at her to take their orders. “These girls drink on the house. They’ll be up at the VIP area. Make sure you keep them serviced,

I don’t want them having to come to the bar, okay?” “Yes, boss,” she replies with nod and a please take me now stare. “Should have known you would keep the hottest women in here to yourself, Gav,” the suit shouts over the music. “Spread the love.” He looks us up and down before continuing. “I’ll take legs and you can have busty, or vice versa. They’re both smoking hot. The other one will have to hold the camera,” He points to Libby, sniggering. “I’ll fucking spread your nose all over your face if you talk about them like that again.” Gavin glares, his jaw tensing as he leans into the suit’s face. “Chill, I was kidding. Fucking hell, you used to be able to handle a joke.” He raises his hands in defeat. “I can handle a joke but these are my friends and I have limits. You just insulted them.” “Okay, shit. Sorry, girls. I was just being a jerk having a bit of fun.” I look around Gavin so I can be face to face

with the jerk. “With banter like that, you must get all the girls. You’re a rude, vulgar pig and I don’t care if you’re the manager of this band or any other, I wouldn’t touch you with someone else’s hands, let alone my own. My friends are so out of your league it’s shocking you even had the balls to address them. They’re state champions celebrating a win, you’re something the litter collector has to come along to clear once everyone’s left.” I pick up my drink and walk to the VIP area. I hear Gavin burst out laughing and the hurried footsteps of Libby following behind me. Gaby and Gavin join us; there’s a buzz in the atmosphere from my outburst to the jerk in the suit. “That was brilliant. Damn, I wish I could say stuff like that when guys are being jerks.” Gaby beams. “You are a fucking legend. I can’t wait to tell Hayes that he missed his woman ripping into Will Anderson,” Gavin says with a laugh. “You okay, Libs?” I ask, looking over to her. She’s sitting in the corner, her cheeks are bright red

and she’s nursing her drink. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She smiles weakly. “He is a fucking creep, Libby, and blind. I would love to get into your panties,” Gavin says, grinning proudly like he’s just awarded her an Oscar and not a crude compliment. I open my mouth to have a go at him when I see her embarrassment turn into a blush, and a shy grin creeps up her face. Unbelievable. “So, are you trying to piss off every friend you have in your life or just the males?” Gabe’s deep voice says from over Gavin’s shoulder. “If you like breathing you won’t mention her panties ever again. Now who upset my girl?” he asks, making Libby almost combust with joy. I can’t help but smile broadly. She and Gabe are just too perfect for each other. Brad appears behind Gabe and squeezes past him to take a stool opposite Gaby and me. “Hey, girls. Good to see you all out. It’s been too long. You know what they say, all work and no play.” He leaves his comment open-ended and brings his beer up to his mouth, chugging the whole

thing down. “Long day?” I ask nodding towards the bottle. “When aren’t they? It’s a good job, though. Hayes pays me well.” He lifts his bottle up towards the bar, pointing his finger at the bottle, and gets a nod from the redhead Gavin assigned to us for the night. She’s over at our table within seconds, bringing everyone a fresh round. She spends a little extra time handing Gavin his, and smiles at him over her shoulder as she leaves, swinging her hips. “Diddling the staff, Gav? That’s bad for business,” Brad says with a smirk. “I’m not, actually, despite how desperately she wants me! Fuck you very much.” Gaby shifts in her seat and looks up at a Gavin. Damn it, she has that look in her eyes. She’s jealous. “Gaby, have you heard from Mike?” I ask, drawing her attention to me. She looks over but her eyes stray back to Gavin. “Yeah. I text him to tell him we’re going to be here tonight and he said he might come.”

“That’s improvement.” “Yeah. We’ll see.” I notice Gavin’s GAZE is fixed on his bottle. I feel for him. I really like him but as much as I don’t want to be like my mother, I can’t help but feel he’s not right for Gaby and she’ll end up hurt. The conflict it would cause with Finlay would be too immense for anyone to salvage friendships. Libby’s giggle soothes my inner woes. Gabe has his hand on her knee while he whispers in her ear. The music fades out and a man starts speaking over a mic on the stage, making everyone turn and focus in that direction. “Hello, everyone, and thanks for coming out tonight! We have a treat for you all. This is a new up and coming band just signed and already in high demand, so we got real lucky when they agreed to play for us tonight. Put your hands together and please welcome to the stage The Rush!” Clapping drowns out the end of his speech and “Fuck,” spills from my mouth. “You got that right, ” Gaby says, making me realize I’ve spoken out loud.

They guys all look over at me for cussing. Blond, blue eyes, lean body wearing a black sweatshirt, black faded jeans and green converse. Making his way to the microphone with his guitar over his shoulder is James! Big fat holy crap. The rest of the band take to the stage. Matthew holding his bass guitar; he looks the same as when I last saw him, shoulder length mousy brown hair hanging loose around his cute baby face. He tried to rocker himself up by having a full sleeve tattoo done but when his mom hit the roof after his first sitting he never went back to get it completed. The rest of the band ribs him for it constantly. Andrew follows; he looks older and slimmer. He was always lean but he’s taken it to a new extreme. He sweats from playing drums, which is also why he shaves his head completely bald. He has a distinctive scar cut into his eyebrow. He got it during night fishing with the band. Matthew swung the rod the wrong way, leaving it embedded in Andrew’s face and then swung it forward, not realizing, and ripping it back out.

The boys said Matthew screamed louder than Andrew when he saw what he had done. They had to row back to the harbor with Matthew holding his own shirt over the wound while throwing up over the side of the boat. Daniel AKA guitar god, is the last on stage. His crystal blue eyes scan the crowd, jet-black messy hair making them even more startling. When he smiles at the girls screaming at him, his dimples show, making him even more gorgeous. They are all wearing jeans and sweatshirts, except Andrew who’s wearing a wife beater vest. When James voice croons over the mic, I’m transported back in time to countless gigs I’ve accompanied them on, and practice sessions in Daniel’s house. His mom and dad own a huge house with multiple rooms that never get used, so they transformed the second living room into a music room for him, including top of the range amps, mics, recording equipment, sound proofing —the works. They knew how talented the band is, and their

investment was well place because they made it and it’s so good to see, despite everything that’s happened. “This is going to be our first single from our debut album, it was written by me for someone special who I miss every day.” I begin to shake, waiting for the lyrics to follow. James’ velvet voice with a touch of husk comes over the mic like silk draped on sand. “You’re the sun that rises, the moon at night When we’re apart nothing feels right I didn’t voice it out loud that I needed you to stay, All I did in the end was push you away Come back to me Find me Love me again Come back to me Find me Love me again

Regret is an endless torture that eats me alive The road to recovering an endless drive I let you down when you needed me I lost you to the memories they are all I could see Come back to me Find me Love me again Come back to me Find me Love me again.” “Antonia, are you okay?” Gaby asks, grabbing my arm as I leap from my seat. I break away and bolt for the toilet. When I get there it’s empty, which is a first. Everyone is too busy listening to the band, which I’m grateful for when I catch a glimpse of my black streaked face in the mirror. I always end up crying. Grabbing some paper towels, I dab at my eyes to try and fix the mess that is my face. The door swings open and Gaby and Libby rush in. “You okay?” they ask in unison.

“Yes, I’m sorry. The song got to me.” “It was beautiful. God, they’re going to be so big!” Libby gushes. “It’s James’ band,” I spew, pointing towards the door. “That’s James out there. That song, I’m pretty sure, is about me,” I say without lifting my head to look at them. “Your ex-boyfriend James?” Gaby asks. “Yes.” “Oh my God, how romantic,” Libby says. “Leaving her wasn’t romantic,” Gaby replies, shaking her head. “He wrote you a song and he is gorgeous,” Libby continues. “What happened with you two?” “It’s complicated.” I sniffle “Well, maybe you should talk to him. Maybe you could sort it out.” “Libby, she’s with my brother. Can you give us a minute please?” “Oh, yeah. Sure. I’m sorry, I forgot about Finlay.” Libby rushes out leaving Gaby to comfort me. “I think you do need to speak to him. He should

have given you warning about that song. Did you know he was in town? What’s he doing here?” Her hand caresses down my back to soothe me. I look at her in the mirror. “I knew he was in town. I didn’t know about the song though, and I didn’t know he was going to be here tonight.” She shifts, shuffling from foot to foot. I can tell she feels torn between her friendship with me, and her brother. “Finlay knows, Gab. I should have told you everything but I just haven’t had time to process everything myself.” I take a look in the mirror at my reflection, making sure I’m presentable, and I snake my arm through Gaby’s. “Let’s get drunk and I’ll fill you in properly,” I say walking us to the door. After a few shots and venting to Gaby I start to relax. The Rush have played an amazing set and as uncomfortable I was with their first song the others are familiar and just as good as I remember. I laugh along at Gavin being cheeky to Brad, when a few

of his friends come over to join us—including Julie. Urgh. I haven’t seen her since Finlay’s dismissal of her from his place when we first got together. “Hey, do you guys know Jacob, Kurt and Julie?” Gavin introduces their presence. “Hey,” everyone shouts. “That’s Libby, she’s a friend of Antonia’s, and apparently Gabe’s tonsils.” Gavin laughs until Gabe punches him in the arm “Whose friend?” Julie asks, acting confused about who I am. “Antonia’s.” Gavin gestures to me. “You’ve met before, right?” “Oh, right, yes. Aren’t you Gaby and Fin’s lodger? They were babysitting you or something, weren’t they?” Distaste is clear in her sneer. What a bitch. “I don’t need babysitting. Gaby is my best friend and was putting me up for a couple weeks while my place was being finished, and Finlay is-” “Finlay is her boyfriend.” Finlay’s voice cuts through the tension, walking over to me and pulling

me off my stool into his arms. “I’m sorry I lost it,” he whispers in my ear. He rescued me. Bite me, Julie. “You look amazing. Way too sexy to be sitting there without me draped on you,” he says. I want to stay mad but I can’t. A smile slips onto my lips and I have to fight back the urge to mount him right here in front of everyone. “Boyfriend? Finlay Hayes doesn’t do relationships,” Julie spits, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. “That’s not true. I just haven’t wanted to be in one with anyone until Antonia.” He picks up a shot and knocks it back. The tension is thick and everyone is watching us. Julie’s fists clench; she can’t take her eyes from Finlay’s arms around me. “Come on, Julie. I want to dance.” Kurt reaches out, grabbing her by the arm. “Taking one for the team. Thanks, Kurt,” Gavin jests. “Fuck you, Gavin” Julie shouts, strutting away with Kurt. “Oh, come to Daddy,” Jacob says at a

generously-sized female in a top a few sizes too small, with flesh spilling from every opening as she gyrates. “Really?” Gavin asks. “Hey, you know me. I like ’em round, more of them to pound.” He grins, nodding his head with a sexual glint in his eyes and making me cringe at his bluntness, not that I expect anything else from Gavin’s friends. “Gaby, Mike’s at the bar. He wants to talk,” Finlay says. Gavin’s eyes follow her as she gets up and leaves. I return my attention back to Finlay who’s rubbing my bare back. “I’m sorry about my parents. I want you to know that whatever they think, it’s not what I think, and I will be speaking with my mom . . .” I don’t finish what I’m saying; Finlay glaring at something over my shoulder distracts me and I follow his gaze. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding,” he growls. “Hey, thanks for sticking around, guys. You were excellent tonight. I really appreciate you

playing here,” Gavin says, accepting a hand from James, who has invaded our section. “Not a problem. It’s live gigs that we enjoy most so we’re happy to not to be cooped up in a studio.” He scans our small crowd and rests his eyes on me, a smile lifting the corner of his mouth. “Small world, Toni. You look amazing, by the way.” Finlay stiffens under me and not in the good way. I see the twitching in his jaw. James is being bold and out of line. “Shit, you two know each other?” Gavin asks, astounded. “Yes, we go way back. Antonia is my first love.” James looks directly at me causing my stomach to bottom out. I can’t find my voice. Finlay’s fingertips dig into my flesh, making me let out a tiny whimper. He looks at me and his expression softens, taking his hand away. “Sorry, baby. I didn’t realize I was doing that. I just want to punch his face. Can I?” I let out a little laugh, grateful that he’s restraining himself but surprised by his question.

“Sorry, but I can’t let you do that. I want to take you home and make love to you, not go home alone because you’ve been arrested.” I brush my lips against his. He growls deep in his throat and nuzzles into my neck. I giggle before realizing that everyone is still staring at us, including the other members of the band who have just joined us. “Holy shit, Toni, it is you! Come here!” The rest of the band grab me from Finlay’s lap and huddle me into a group hug, kisses rain down on my cheeks and compliments fly at me. It’s a shame they couldn’t be this way with me when I was at home, suffocating in my own company. They left me so lonely, it was like I died. “Well, isn’t she popular.” Julie’s snarling voice penetrates my ears as she pushes past and throws her nasty arse in my seat next to Finlay. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you company while your ‘girlfriend’ becomes a groupie.” “Back so soon, Julie? Where’s Kurt? You didn’t eat him, did you?” Gavin jokes, making everyone laugh then cough to try to cover it up.

Flipping him a finger and an evil look, she takes the glass from Finlay’s hand and downs the liquid inside. My body heats with rage, the need to yank her hair out in clumps is coaxed by the toxicity of my earlier binge drinking. “Toni, can we talk?” James brings my attention from Julie drooling over Finlay to him. “I don’t really want to do this tonight, James. It can wait.” “Okay, fine. We’re off now anyway. We need to get some rest. Come on, lads. Let’s leave Antonia to her new life.” There’s sadness and anger in his tone and the mood I’m in makes it hard to stomach. Why did his sudden clarity have to come now I’ve moved on? I pull on his arm to stop his departure. “That’s not fair. You pushed this on me, so you can’t be mad that I went. You encouraged me to.” Silence falls apart from the steady beat of the music in the background. Everyone is pretending they’re not staring between me, James and Finlay, but they’re failing. Finlay stands and pushes right into James’ face. “What the fuck do you want? Seriously, showing

up out of nowhere and acting like she owes you something! She’s moved on.” His finger pokes into James’ chest with each word. “You. Fucking. Left. Her! She needed you and you pushed her away, made her feel like it was her fault. You don’t get to do this, and you’re trying my very limited patience.” Finlay’s eyes are wide with anger and James flinches from his words. “What do you know about it? You don’t have a clue what it was like for us, to see what he did, because . . .” “STOP!” I shout at them both. “Just please stop and look around.” I gesture around at our friends and the packed club. “Is this really where you want to do this? Because I sure as hell don’t. James, please go. I thought we had come to some sort of closure but clearly not so we can talk, just not here or now. Finlay, I’m leaving. Are you coming?” I turn to leave and hear Julie say, “You know where I am, Finlay, when you’re sick of the drama of a relationship and you want me to keep your bed warm.” Every fiber of my being tells me to ignore her

and leave because she’s not worth it but I’m intoxicated and totally at my limit for asshole-ish behavior. I turn, grabbing the nearest drink, happy that it’s a tall pink cocktail Gaby ordered, and it’s full of ice. I throw it straight at her face, she yelps, and a few shocked gasps echo around our group. “You should worry about warming yourself up!” I snarl. Finlay’s arms wrap around me, grabbing me into him and pulling me in the other direction. Gavin jumps into Julie’s path as she darts from her seat to retaliate, and there’s shouting and cursing being slung between us then I’m being carried through the crowded dance floor, up the stairs and into the night air. “She pushed me to that, Finlay,” I say in my defense as he lowers me down. “So it’s okay for you to be violent but I’m not allowed?” he asks with a comical tone, still detaining me with his arms. “I’m sorry. I hate violence. I can’t believe I let her bait me into becoming trashy in a bar.” He pulls me closer, wrapping his strong arms

around my shoulders and bringing me to rest on his chest. He kisses my head, making me relax into him. “Nothing about you is trashy, baby. I think we should go home and forget everyone else. Have you noticed it’s everyone else that makes us mad, not each other?” I melt into him and let him pull me into his waiting car. He pulls me onto his lap, and I soak up his smell and the shape of his body. He’s right, we’re fine when it’s just us two. Tonight I’m going to spend the night making love to him. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.

FEELING BRIGHTER THAN EXPECTED considering the amount of alcohol I consumed, I decide to leave Finlay sleeping in. I have a couple of phone calls to make before finishing my school project ready for morning class. I grab my cell from the counter where I left it charging yesterday. I have a few missed calls and texts blinking on the screen.

I scroll through the phone book and hit call on Gavin’s name. After multiple rings, he finally answers, sounding groggy. “What the fuck, Antonia? You’d better be dying.” “Yeah, Gav, I’m dying, so I’m ringing you.” “Oh charming! Why wouldn’t you ring me? I thought we were close?” “We are close.” “Really? Because I was messing, but if you want to get close with me I can arrange that shit.” “Wow, you never cease to amaze me, seriously.” “Hey, that goes both ways! You’re a firecracker. First you put Anderson in his place, and then swill Julie. Funniest thing I’ve ever seen. She was pissed!” “That’s why I’m ringing. I just wanted to say sorry for doing that in your place. I was out of line and should have respected your friendship more than that. She deserved it, but you didn’t. Am I barred now?” I ask with a smile on my face. “Yes, yes you are.” He lets out a loud laugh

before continuing, “Antonia, you didn’t need to apologize. She goaded you and overstepped but I appreciate you doing so anyway. Just so you know, you were my entertainment last night. I just hope I’m there when the next person pisses you off.” “Thanks.” I mock. “Sorry if I woke you. Go back to whoever you charmed home last night.” “Bye, Antonia.” I end the call and scroll through the phone book, find Daddy, and hit the call button. “Hello, sweetheart. We’ve tried calling you a few times.” “Sorry, Daddy. I left my phone indoors.” “Well we’re flying back today so we won’t see you, but we’ve booked you a flight for Thursday so you don’t have to miss any school. Better to get things sorted sooner rather than later. I hope that suits you.” “Yeah, that’s fine. Email me the details.” “Okay. Do you want to speak to your mother? She’s just walked in.” “No, Daddy, I need to do some things. I’ll

reach you when you’re back home. Love you. Bye!” “Bye, sweetheart.” That was painless. Last call: James. “Hey, I didn’t expect to hear from you.” “Well I thought I’d best make arrangements to stop you showing up and disrupting my life anymore.” “I’m sorry, Toni. That’s not what I wanted.” He takes a deep breath that sounds like a buzzing down the line. “I didn’t expect you to be with someone else. It was hard. I know I don’t deserve to feel jealous, but I do. I’m sorry. Can we meet up and talk properly? Are you going home?” “I take it you’ve spoken to Mom.” “Yeah. They stay in contact and I need to come home and see this through as well so I’m traveling with you.” “That’s unbelievable. They never mentioned this on the phone two seconds ago. So I guess we can speak then. I’ll see you there.” “Okay, bye.”

“Who was that” I drop my phone as Finlay startles me. It crashes to the floor, scattering the battery across the room. “Shit, you scared me. You really need to hum or something when you’re around. How do you always sneak up on me?” “I’m sorry. You’re jumpy.” He sniggers and collects my phone pieces and re-builds my cell. “So, who was on the phone?” “I spoke to Gavin to apologize, and to Daddy. I’m going back to England on Thursday to deal with things.” “Really? How long will you be there?” “I’m not sure. I’m really nervous about it. I don’t really know what to expect or what I have to do. Daddy’s been quite vague about it, to be honest. I’ll just be glad to get it over and done with and come home to my amazing, gorgeous boyfriend.” I put my arms around his naked waist. “Do you want me to come with you? I hate the thought of you going through this without me there.” His forehead is resting on mine as he embraces me.

“As much as I’m going to miss you, I can’t ask you to drop everything. I know how busy you are and I don’t know how long I’m going to be there.” I look up into his passionate green eyes and the love I see in them is overwhelming. I never thought I would love anyone like I loved James but Finlay has a part of my soul no one has ever touched. I love him so much it scares me. His phone rings, breaking our contact. “What the fuck are you doing calling this phone? I told you not to call me, Julie.” His posture becomes rigid. My heart rate picks up and I can’t stop myself from following a pacing Finlay into the lounge. “I don’t care, you acted like an exgirlfriend scorned last night and we both know that’s not what you are. What would Rick think about this?” His eyebrows furrow and he brings a hand up to rub across his forehead. “Well I’m sorry you broke up but you were out of line last night and I won’t have you upsetting Antonia. This is your warning, the only one you’re getting. Fuck up again and you’ll be out of a job. You can lose this number too.”

He hits the end call button and throws his phone on the couch. “She works for you?” I ask. “Yeah. I thought you knew. She was drunk last night. She broke up with Rick, he cheated on her.” Changing the subject, he says, “I have to see Gaby and sort out few things. What are your plans for today?” he asks, pulling me back into his arms. “Well, I have some schoolwork to finish.” “Okay, well I want us to have dinner tonight so come up to the penthouse around seven?” He drops his hands to my ass cheeks and gropes them. “Mmm, I think I can be there.” I giggle, kissing his bare chest. “Damn, you feel good. I think chores can wait ten minutes.” He lifts me up, making me lock my legs around his waist. “Ten minutes?” I ask, raising my eyebrows. “Okay, eight,” he jokes, biting my bottom lip and carrying me into my room. After finally peeling myself from Finlay’s body, I spend the afternoon finishing my written

assignment. With a couple of hours to kill before dinner, I nip in to see Gaby. Her door is always left open now as my visits are daily so she doesn’t bother to lock it anymore. I hear her talking as I make my way down the hall and into the kitchen. Gaby’s standing there in jeans and a t-shirt looking relaxed while cutting up melon. Gavin’s on the opposite side of the counter, grabbing bits and tossing them into his mouth, making Gaby point the blade at him with raised eyebrows and pursed lips in warning. “Hey, here’s the brawler” Gavin laughs. “Ha ha. Don’t make me angry. You won’t like it when I’m angry,” I warn. “I love it when you’re angry. Gabe, how funny was she last night?” He looks over his shoulder and I follow his gaze and see a comfortable looking Gabe sprawled out on the couch. “Yeah, I’ve got to say, you surprised me last night. Good show!” he calls out. “So did Fin tell you about him giving me this place?” Gaby changes the subject.

“Well, I know that he was thinking about it” “He has the paperwork and everything. He came to see me earlier. I can’t believe it. He’s just giving it to me.” “Saves you spending your inheritance,” Gavin says. “Yeah, I’m grateful, I just didn’t expect him to give it to me. I still haven’t received my inheritance yet so I couldn’t give him the money anyway. I need to find out when I’ll be getting that because there’s this retreat thing my professor has recommended in class but it costs a fortune. It’s worth it though. They have A-list stars come to talk and coach you, and at the end you get to audition for a cameo in their movie! Argh! Can you imagine if it’s someone seriously hot?” Gavin and I stare at Gaby as she rants, and then laugh when she’s finished. “Gabs, you should have had your inheritance by now unless it’s like a trust fund and you have to wait to be older. What did the will say?” Gavin asks like he’s asking her for her shoe size. I walk around the counter, nudge him and

mouth, “Insensitive.” “I wasn’t there when the will was read,” she says in a much quieter voice. “Really? That’s weird.” “Why?” “Usually when you’re in the will you have to be present when it’s read. You should speak to your brother.” Gaby’s eyes are fixed on the watermelon but she’s stopped slicing. “Gaby, it will be an age thing, like he said. Don’t worry about it. I’m sure Finlay will sort you out for the retreat.” I glare at Gavin whose eyes widen as he mouths, “What?” “Yeah, maybe,” she replies. “Gabs, Hayes will sort you the money but if you don’t want to ask then I’ll give you the money,” Gavin says, walking around the counter to pull her into a hug that she welcomes with a smile, wrapping her arms around his waist. “So what are you guys doing here anyway?” I ask, snagging a piece of the melon. “We were just checking in on Gabs then we

were going to watch the game and order pizza. You up for it?” “Hmm, no thanks, I have plans with Finlay.” I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. “Okay, well if your ‘plans’ don’t last long, you can both come catch the game,” Gav says. I ignore him and look to Gaby who is still staring at the melon glumly. “Hell, Gaby, you look like someone shit in your ice cream and pissed on your melon. Cheer up.” He prods at her. “Shit in your ice cream? What the fuck?” Gabe calls out and we all look at Gavin and laugh. “You do have a way with words, Gavin,” Gaby says with a smile. She scoops up her melon and puts it into a bowl. I walk over to Gabe and sit on the end of the couch. “So, how are things going with Libby?” I ask. He grins. “Good. She’s sweet, I like her.” I can’t help but mirror his grin. “Good, because she really likes you.” “Really? Did she say that?” “Yes.” I wink.

The front door opens and shuts, and Mike and Brad appear carrying crates of beer. “Hey, guys.” Mike puts the beer down and plants a kiss on Gaby’s cheek, making her smile and dip her head coyly. “Where’s Hayes?” Brad asks. “I’m meeting him soon. I’m going to get ready so I’ll catch you all later. Did you need him, Brad?” I ask. “No, just wondered.” “Okay. Gabs, I’ll pop in on you later, okay?” “Sure. Have fun.”

I MAKE MY WAY to the lift at five to seven. I’m wearing a short but stylish black dress and killer heels. Even though we’re staying in, I want to look nice for him, and when the elevator dings and the door opens, I’m glad I made the effort. The entire entrance is covered in rose petals, the main door is open, and the petals lead a pathway through the apartment to the dining table, which is set for two.

There’s a rich aroma in the air and Finlay’s standing in the kitchen stirring a pot on the stove, wearing a dress shirt and slacks, and no shoes. My mouth waters but it’s not from the scent of the food in the air. “Hey, beautiful.” He picks up a tiny remote and pushes a button, and soft music plays from all around the apartment. “Hope you’re hungry. I made my famous pasta sauce.” That gains him a chuckle. “That’s what it’s called? Finlay Hayes’ special pasta sauce?” I ask, cocking an eyebrow. “Okay, so I embellished an already named sauce.” He grins and gestures to the table for me to sit. “It smells amazing. I feel sorry for everyone downstairs having pizza.” I laugh and his grin gets wider, showing off his perfect teeth. “Wine?” he asks, walking toward me, holding a bottle. “Yes, please.” I hold out a glass. “Did you finish your assignment?”

“Yeah, I wanted to get it finished just in case I have to take time off.” “Sure.” Finlay brings over the pot from the stove and places it in the center between our plates then goes back and brings a bowl of pasta, placing it next to the saucepot. “Do you want me to dish up for you?” he asks, reaching for a spatula. “Yes, please.” He serves us both a plate full of pasta and sauce. “I spoke with Gaby about the apartment today. I want to move my things out and let her have free rein. What do you think?” he asks. I swallow my fork full of food dab my mouth with a napkin. “I think that’s a good idea. She’s older now and I have my own place so I don’t see why she shouldn’t. I actually popped in earlier to see her. She said you spoke. She also says that her inheritance hasn’t come through yet so she couldn’t buy the place from you.” “Why would she have to buy it from me? I’m her brother. I want her to have it as a gift.”

“I know, I said as much. Gavin told her she should have had her inheritance by now which I think has her worried.” Placing down his fork he grabs his beer, downing it in gulps. His mood shifts from happy to guarded and pissed off. “Gavin should mind his own business.” “I agree. She was talking about using some money for a retreat thing with school and it costs a lot.” I take a sip from my wine “Well, if she needs anything I will give it to her.” “I told her that but I think she might broach the subject about her inheritance with you so I’m just giving you a heads up.” He slams his bottle down, making me flinch. “Fuck!” He turns his green eyes to mine. “I’m sorry, baby, but why the fuck did he say anything to her? It’s nobody else’s business.” “Calm down. What’s the big deal?” He exhales hard, rubbing his face, then pins me with a stare. “Finlay, you’re freaking me out. What’s going

on?” He reaches and grabs my hand, stroking his finger over my knuckles before dropping them and gulping down the last of his beer. “She doesn’t have any inheritance.” He exhales again and leaves the table in a hurry, sending his chair sliding away. He lets out few cusses and braces his hands on the sideboard, hanging his head. “I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t she?” He looks up then walks back over to me, grabbing his chair on the way. He scoots right up in front of mine, grabbing my hands. “Antonia, if I tell you this you have to never breathe a word of it. I need you to be my girlfriend not Gaby’s best friend where this is concerned.” I nod, confused but intrigued. “Promise me,” he orders. “I promise. Whatever you tell me, you can trust me. You know that.” He takes a deep breath. “Okay. Remember when I told you I found some things out about my mother?” I nod. “Well, she had affairs their whole

marriage. My dad had a private eye following her. There was a folder full, going right back to when they were first married. It also had paternity tests for me and Gaby.” He lets my hands drop and starts rubbing his eyes. My heart is beating hard. He’s been dealing with finding this out about his mom and losing his dad. “Oh my God. Finlay, are you saying he’s not yours and Gaby’s father?” He looks me in the eyes, and I see the pain clear in his. He sits back in his chair. “He’s mine but not Gaby’s.” I reach for my glass and drain the contents before refilling and drinking half of that too. “Are you going to tell her?” I ask. He grimaces. “No! She can’t know. It would kill her.” “How long had your dad known?” “About a year before he passed, apparently. He heard Mom on the phone talking about Gaby, and when he started digging around he uncovered all kinds of secrets she had. She was screwing her tennis instructor, she used to occupy her time with

the help, men too young for her their whole marriage, but it was with an old friend that she kept going back to, and it made him question the paternity of us.” “I don’t know what to say.” “I just feel for him, what he must of felt finding out after all this time. I confronted Mom when I found the documents and she begged me not to tell Gaby. She said he changed his will, cutting both Gaby and her from it. She said he took care of someone else’s kid long enough and he was cutting Gaby off. He wasn’t like that, Antonia. He loved Gaby. I couldn’t believe it when she wasn’t in his will.” “He found out life changing information. The woman he shared his life with betrayed him in the worst possibly way. He was more than likely just angry and needed to hurt her. He would have come around. He loved Gaby, we both know that.” Pulling me into his arms and laying kisses on my neck I can feel his chest rising and falling. “I’m glad you told me, Finlay. You shouldn’t be dealing with this on your own.” I run my hands up

and down his back. “I love you,” he whispers into my ear, sending a jolt through my body. “I love you too.” “Have you eaten enough?” he asks, his lips now hovering above mine. “Yes.” I capture his lips with my own, coaxing his to part so I can slip my tongue into his mouth. He opens, eagerly welcoming my invasion, and caresses my tongue with his. Pulling me onto his lap so I’m straddling him, his arms caressing my back while our kissing goes from slow to fast and needy, he pushes my dress up around my hips and tears at my panties, ripping them in two and dropping them to the floor. My nipples peak and push against the fabric of my dress. He yanks the front down, ripping it slightly to expose my breasts, and groaning as he sucks a nipple into his mouth. “You are so beautiful.” I bite my lip and grind my hips against him, fumbling with his zip to release his ready, eager cock. Rising up my ass and slowly lowering

myself onto him, we both let out a growl of pleasure as he fills my wet, welcoming pussy. I flex my body over him, grinding and rotating my hips. Pressure builds fast inside me, tightening me all around him, I lean back and grind harder on to him lifting my hips and bringing them down in a fast, tense motion over him. His fingers find my clit, massaging in a circular motion. I reach forward, gripping his hair, bringing his head against my chest. His lips find an aching nipple and when he flicks his tongue over it I convulse with needy jolts. He wraps his arms tight around my body, crushing me against him. My body starts to shudder as I reach my climax, sending a pulse of pleasure shooting through my body. I bite down on him as I ride out the pinnacle of my release, squeezing around his delicious cock, milking him for pleasure. He groans out my name as he fills me with his cum. We’re both panting and sweating as he holds me until my body stops shaking, “I love you so much. You’re amazing,” he breathes between kisses. “I love you too.”

“Sorry about your panties.” he grins. “I want to show you something.” He lifts me to my feet, tucking himself away and slipping his shirt off and throwing it on the table as he pulls my hand and leads me through the living space to the bedroom. He stands aside, allowing me to see an easel in the corner of the room in front of the window. “Surprise! I brought you paints and brushes and everything you could need according to the sales rep.” He turns to me, his green eyes still ablaze from our lovemaking. “Thank you.” My heart flutters. He wraps me in his arms again, kissing the side of my head. “I know how much you loved the view. I thought you might like to paint it, but not right now.” A coy smile plays on my face. “The bed is this way,”

FINLAY’S LIPS BRUSH MY forehead and the smell of freshly brewed coffee fills my nose. I crack an eyelid and take in the sight of Finlay leaning over me, wafting a cup back and forth. Groaning a little, I open my mouth to pucker my lips. “Bring me a straw,” I grumble. He laughs and places the cup down. “Nothing

wakes you up like the smell of coffee, baby.” “I can think of something better,” I tease, lifting my bum slightly to tempt him. He smacks my ass but doesn’t take the bait. “You have class, I have work, and we both know we will be late if I take that offer up.” He throws some clothes on the bed. “I got you some fresh clothes. I think you should leave some things here. I’ll sort you a drawer.” He grins over his shoulder as I eye the wrap around wardrobes that take up half the wall space. “You sure you can spare one?” I push my body from the soft cushioning of Finlay’s bed, dropping the sheet and brushing past him with my naked body shimmying. I watch him take me in then he rushes towards me making me scream and giggle as he tackles me to the bed. “Fuck it, we’re going to be late.”

I smile to myself as I go down in the lift thinking about Finlay making us late when the doors open and Mike steps in. “Oh, hey.” He blushes and I can’t keep the grin off my face. “Hey yourself,” I reply, stepping out and watching him as the doors close. I rush into Gaby’s and she is walking up her hallway as I open the door. “Just saw Mike leaving.” I grin and she smiles. “Yeah, he stayed. He says he’s ready to try again properly but we agreed to go slow. No pressure.” “Slow? Gabs, him staying the night isn’t going slow.” She shrugs and walks into her room. “To be honest, I’m glad we’re going to go slow. I don’t want to get in too heavy again right now.” “Okay, listen, I have to go to class, but can we meet for lunch?” She shakes her head. “I have classes all afternoon but I can do dinner.” “I have an appointment at five but let’s make it

a late dinner. I’ll pick up take out on the way home.” “Sounds good. Have a good day.” “You too.” The day flies by and I’m half an hour early for my appointment with Dr. Evans. I pull my phone from my bag and scroll through my contacts, hitting the green call button when I reach Finlay’s number. “Hello, beautiful.” “Hey.” “You sound quiet. You okay?” “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m waiting to go into see Dr. Evans.” “Okay. How was your day?” “Good. It went quite fast. I’m having dinner with Gaby tonight. I’m going to pick up something on the way home. Do you want to join us?” “I’m going to be here late, but so save me some.” “Where do you want me to leave it? My place or yours?” “Hmm, I think yours.”

“Okay, well I’ll see you tonight then. I love you.” “I love you too, baby.” I end the call and watch a frail young girl leave Dr. Evans’ room. She puts her head down as she makes her way through the reception area. Fifteen minutes later, Dr. Evans opens her door and signals me in. I take a seat on the couch and watch as Dr. Evans pours water into a glass and slides it across the table so it rests in front of me. She smiles and takes a seat in an armchair opposite me “So, Antonia, how have you been since our last visit?” I fill her in on all the changes that have occurred this week, watching as she types into a tablet with concentration. “That’s a lot to take in. How do you feel about the arrest?” “Relief mainly, followed with confusion.” I smile fiddling with my hands in my lap. “That’s understandable. Hopefully once you’re home and have spoken with the arresting officers

you will have more understanding, but I should warn you, sometimes there is no reason why someone will act out such violence, and you may never get the answers or closure you seek.” That’s comforting. “But you can find a way to find peace with that.” “Really?” “Yes, with time. Have you had any dreams or attacks since our last visit?” “No.” I don’t make eye contact but can feel her gaze penetrating me. “And how was it seeing James again?” She slides her glasses farther up her nose and rests her arm on the armrest, never taking her gaze from me. “It was difficult. He made it clear he still has feelings for me.” “How do you feel about him?” “I will always have feelings for him but I love Finlay and James is part of my past now. I’m more angry that it took me moving on for him to realize he still wanted there to be an us.” I look up into her eyes for the first time since I

got there. “How do you feel about going back to England next week?” “I’m not looking forward to it. I told James we could talk properly then. I need to make it clear to him that there’s no going back for me. I can’t.” “Does James remind you of that day?” I feel tears burn the corners of my eyes and I nod as I speak. “I don’t blame him. He kept asking for forgiveness but he didn’t need it I never blamed him for not getting there sooner. His guilt never made sense, it’s just . . .” “Just?” “I feel like he didn’t forgive me” I glance up and gasp. “It’s okay, Antonia, to feel guilty for being a victim. Especially when the person we love couldn’t deal with it.” I feel my body shake as realization hits me. I do feel guilty. For James finding me that way and for him losing his love for me. Him losing us. “You need to forgive yourself. You are not to blame for what happened to you, or how other

people you love handled it. The aftermath was not your doing.” She passes me a box of tissues and I spend the rest of our time releasing tears I didn’t know I needed to shed.

When the lift doors open I realize I made it from Dr. Evans’ office and home without noticing the journey. I feel exhausted from breaking down, and head to my apartment to shower and change before seeing Gaby. I grab the pile of takeout menus from a draw in my kitchen and head next door. “Gabs!” I call, making my way down the hallway to the kitchen. The front door opens and voices pour down the hallway. I poke my head around the kitchen door and see Gaby, Gavin, Gabe and Libby, “Hey, you okay?” Gaby asks, entering the kitchen.

“Yeah, you?” “I’m good. I invited everyone round for Mexican.” She smiles, holding up a grocery bag. Gavin takes it from her then starts emptying the contents on to the counter. “I texted you to let you know.” “Oh, I haven’t checked my phone.” “You sure you’re okay? You look weird,” Gavin says, flicking his finger at me and then up and down towards my body. I just slung on a tee and slouch pants and left my hair wet after washing it, not realizing I’d be eating with people other than just Gaby. “I’m fine. I’m tired so I just wanted to be comfortable.” I look down at my appearance and screw my nose up. “I should change.” “Don’t be stupid. You look fine. It’s only us,” Gabe says, pulling me into a hug and planting a chaste kiss to my wet hair. I embrace him back and smile. “Yeah, seriously, I like the wet look,” Gavin adds, nodding his head and wiggling his finger up and down my body again. “Ouch,” he moans when

Gaby elbows him. “Finlay will kick your ass,” she warns him, with a finger in his face. “Hey, Libs.” I wave as she giggles and starts to help Gaby prepare food. “Xbox Gav,” Gabe says. “Oh, can we play the playing station number four?” Libby asks. “The what?” Gavin furrows his brow. “She means the PS4,” Gabe says. “The playing station number four? That’s adorable, and no, Libs, if you don’t even know it’s proper name you don’t get a vote,” Gav informs her, causing a light blush to tint her cheeks. “Don’t upset my girl.” “I’m not, but come on, Gabe. Playing station.” Gabe lets out a chuckle and Libby puts her hands on her hips and glares at him. “I’m sorry, but that is funny. Not as funny as when I asked her if she likes Eminem and she said,’ yeah, I love chocolate’.” Gavin howls with laughter. “Gabe, you said you wouldn’t tell them!” Her

blush gets brighter and we all break into laughter. “So guess what?” Gaby beams while chopping peppers. “What?” I ask. “Fin called me today. He said that you mentioned the retreat and he has wrote me a check.” “Really? That’s exciting. I hope you don’t mind. I just brought it up in conversation.” I smile “No, I don’t mind! Helllloo, I’m going to be famous!” Libby and I both giggle at her declaration. “You have to ace the audition first,” Libby tells her. I give Libby a quick look and a shake of my head before Gaby stops chopping and glares at her. “Thanks for the faith, Libby.” Libby looks at me with raised eyebrows, not knowing what she’s said that’s wrong. “Sorry, Gaby. I mean, oh my God, you’re so going to be famous!” She adds a bounce of excitement for effect, making Gaby laugh. “I know, right,” she replies, bouncing herself. The front door opens and closes, and Brad

appears a few seconds later still dressed in his work suit. They may as well all move in they’re here that often. He dumps his briefcase on the dining table and blows out a tired breath. “Hey.” “You staying for food, Brad? I thought you had a date?” Gaby asks. “Here’s a tip for tonight, Brad. It’s a medical fact that if women have more than two glasses of wine, she could have a stroke. But if she finishes the bottle, she might suck as well.” Gavin laughs at his own joke, making everyone else let out a disapproving grumble. “Yeah, we had to reschedule,” Brad answers. “She blow you out, Brad?” Gavin bellows over the couch. “No, dick. I have to go to New York. I just came for food and some paperwork from Hayes.” The front door opens again and Finlay turns into the kitchen. “Hey,” I say, feeling a tingle all over my body just from the sight of him wearing his work suit. “Hey, gorgeous. Come here.” He grabs me, inhaling the scent of my hair as he embraces me,

lifting me from the floor. “You look like you’re ready for bed.” “I am. I didn’t know Gabs had invited everyone, I thought it was just her and me.” He kisses my bottom lip, then my cheek, nose and forehead. Gaby starts waving her hand with her phone in to get our attention. “Mike just texted saying Julie is outside. He’s getting rid of her.” My whole body tightens and I look into Finlay’s eyes. “Is she stalking you now, or what?” I ask, fed up with this woman popping up and causing friction. He shakes his head confused. “I don’t know why she’s here, baby,” Finlay reassures me. Gaby starts throwing stuff in a pan. The smells fill the room, making my stomach rumble. I love the sound of the sizzling as she tosses the food around the wok. Libby’s loading the table with wraps, tacos and salsa. Gavin wanders in from the living room and makes a beeline for Gaby. “That smells unreal.” He leans over her, grabbing at a piece of chicken from the wok. She

smacks him and backs her bum into him. “Get off, greedy. You can wait five minutes.” “Woo, watch the merchandise there, Gaby. Your butt could break him.” He rubs himself in jest, making her roll her eyes and Finlay flinch and frown. I reach my hands to his face and bring my lips to his to distract him. Getting so lost in him, we don’t notice Mike walk in. “Get a room.” Gavin nudges Finlay. “So, Gab, not loving your bumper sticker,” Mike says, walking over and kissing her on the cheek “What? I don’t have a bumper sticker.” “Well, your car has one and it’s crude.” “Wait, what does it say?” Finlay asks. Mike clears his throat. “If you’re gonna ride my ass at least spank me first.” Gavin bursts into laughter and I can’t help the snigger that escapes my lips. Gaby’s jaw drops and Finlay looks pissed and points at Gavin. “Hey, it wasn’t me!” “Then why the fuck are you laughing so hard?” “Because whoever it was is a genius. That’s

funny!” He looks at Gaby. “That is funny, Gabs.” “Did you put it there, Gav? Be honest I won’t get mad,” she asks him. “I fucking will,” Finlay interjects. “I swear it wasn’t me, and if I’d known it was going to upset you I would have hid my laugh like Antonia did.” He points at me making me gasp and shake my head. Traitor. “I didn’t!” I protest, making Finlay raise an eyebrow. I chew on the side of my mouth to try to stifle another laugh, and he continues to stare at me with his eyebrow cocked until I break and let out a laugh, making Gavin and Brad laugh too. “I’m sorry. I’m ashamed I find it so funny. I’m lame, I know. I didn’t put it there though, just so you know.” Finlay shakes his head, making me feel like a child. “I’ll remove it now,” Mike offers and Gaby rubs down his arm with a loving touch and whispers her thanks into his ear. Gavin takes a

beer through to the living space and I can see slight strain in his face from watching Gaby with Mike. “Dinner’s ready.” We all take a seat at the table and wait for Mike to return. When he finally does, he hands me a note. Puzzled, I open it, and Finlay reads over my shoulder. I’m sorry I was a bitch, I know there’s no excuse, but I was having a hard time. I don’t want there to be any hard feelings, Julie xxx “Was she still out there?” Finlay looks at Mike. “Yeah, man. She looked desperate so I agreed to bring that up to Antonia.” Gavin reaches for a wrap and Gaby smacks his hand. “Ladies first, caveman, or we’ll never eat.” He juts out his bottom lip and Gaby licks her lips then blushes and looks around the table to see if anyone noticed. Her eyes rest on me and I give her a knowing look. She smiles and offers me the plate to take a wrap.

“So why are you going to New York again, Brad?” Gavin asks. “Because we have a big deal going through and this lovesick pup doesn’t want to leave his woman.” Finlay shifts in his chair and throws Brad an icy glare. “Hey, I can’t blame him for that,” Gav says with a cocky grin, earning him a dead arm from Finlay. “You can go if you need to,” I say, stroking down his arm. “No, I thought I would give Brad an opportunity to show me his management skills. I’m thinking he might not want the opportunity now though, but I’m more than happy to it give to someone else.” He glares back at Brad. “Hey, I was messing, chill. You know I love my job.” “On Wednesday, clear your schedules. I’m hosting an open mic night at the club. It’s our first ever one and my dad thinks it’s a bad vibe to send out but I think it will be good for business so I

need the moral support,” Gavin says. “I think it’s a great idea.” Gaby beams. “Antonia, can play something.” I choke on my taco and shake my head. “No.” “You sing? That would be great if you could kick things off for me,” Gavin says with one of his winning smiles. “Fine, but I’m rusty.” “She isn’t. She was playing the other night. She’s incredible,” Finlay boasts. “Fantastic. That’s settled then.” “Do you need any staff, Gavin?” Libby asks. “You need work?” Libby nods. I had no idea she was looking for a job, but she’s living from student loans so a job could help her out. “I have some experience but I don’t mind interviewing though. I don’t expect you just to give me a job.” She smiles nervously. “All you need to do is say gangbang when he asks you for an example of your team work and you’re in,” Finlay says, grinning, and making Libby blush.

“That’s true. That would definitely get you the job,” Gavin jokes, shoveling half a taco into his mouth and then speaking around it. “I can sort you out some shifts, no problem. Let me know your schedule and I’ll see Monica tomorrow. She manages my girls.” “Well, Libby’s my girl, Gav. Remember that if you like your face,” Gabe says. “Hey, I’m helping! No need for threats over dinner!” “When it’s you there is. Haven’t you boned Monica?” “No, I didn’t bone her . . . wait . . . did I? Oh yeah, I boned her. I boned the fuck out of her,” He says, grinning. Gaby chokes on her wine and Mike pats her back. “Let’s get out of here,” Finlay whispers into my ear then nibbling the lobe. “Mmm, okay.” “We’re leaving. Thanks for dinner, sis.” Finlay walks around the table and kisses Gaby on the head then tugs my hand, picks me up, and throws me over his shoulder, making me screech. He slaps

my ass and struts out, leaving an amused audience. After carrying me all the way through my apartment into my bedroom, he throws me on the bed and jumps on me. “I’ve been dying to get you here all night.” I start coughing before I’m able to reply, and Finlay’s face turns from lust to concern. “You okay, baby? You feel really hot.” I offer a seductive smile. “You don’t need to flatter me, you’re already in my bed.” A gorgeous full grin spreads over his face. He pulls me up, tugging the hem of my top and lifting it over my head then chucking it to the floor. He places his big hand around my back and then recoils. “Fuck, you’re on fire.” He brings his hand to my forehead. “You sure you’re feeling okay?” “I was feeling a little drained today but-” My cough interrupts my speech. “You must be coming down with something. I’m going to run you a bath and grab some flu capsules from Gaby’s.” I lay back and watch him walk through to the

bathroom. I hear the taps turn on and the blasting of water hitting the tub. Steam pours from the door and it carries my apricot bubble bath scent in its mist. “I won’t be long, baby. Keep an eye on the water.” I rise up onto my elbows to watch him leave, and what a view his ass is. Standing to strip off my clothes, I feel a little dizzy. I rummage through my drawers and pull out some fresh PJs and then go to check the bath. I turn the taps off and slip into the water that caresses my aching body. I’m feeling worse with each passing minute. Finlay leans over the bath with a glass and some pills. “Thank you.” I reach for them, and chuck them in my mouth then down the full glass of ice-cold water. He surprises me by stripping naked and stepping in behind me “Sit forward a little, baby” I lean forward then let him pull me back against his hard body. He reaches for my sponge and dips it into the water

then squeezes the water down my shoulders. “That feels so nice,” I mumble, closing my eyes. “Baby, I need to ask you something. I know you have a friend code but-” “What is it?” “Has Gaby said anything to you about her still seeing Gavin?” I tilt my head so I can see his face. “No. Why would you ask that? I’m sure her and Mike have sorted things out but she’s taking it slow with him.” “That’s what Mike said but I bumped into him leaving and when I went into Gaby’s she was giggling about something Gavin was saying like a school girl with a crush.” “Yeah, I have noticed that too.” “It can’t happen. Gavin’s my friend but he treats women like they’re a service and there are things she doesn’t know that would destroy her if she did. It can’t happen with them.” His tone is unreadable, mixed with so much emotion I can’t pin point just one. He speaks with conviction, but there’s fear and sorrow in his tone and . . . disgust.

His strong arms wrap over my chest, interlocking and his lips plant little pecks on my head. “I will talk to them,” I say. “Sit up. Let me wash you down. I don’t want you staying in too long and getting a chill.” After getting washed off and dried, I slip into my PJs and crawl straight into bed and sleep. “Baby, wake up, Baby.” Finlay’s voice rouses me from sleep and I reach my arm over, pressing into his body. “What are you doing?” “I’m pressing the snooze button,” I croak, making him chuckle. He rolls over me, kissing my face. “You’re hot again.” Pain shoots through my head and I start to cough again. “I’m getting you some more pills and asking Gaby to stay with you today.” “I don’t need a babysitter, Finlay. I’ll be fine.” “I don’t want to leave you” “I’m okay. Go to work. I’ll call you if I need

you.” After finally convincing him I’m okay to be left alone, I end up spending the following few days in bed with the flu. Gaby checks in on me every few hours when Finlay is at work. When I ask her if Finlay put her up to checking on me so often, she says no. I’m not convinced, especially when I hear her on the phone telling him she’s here and that she checks on me every couple of hours like he said. By Tuesday, I’m finally feeling better, so I force myself to meet Libby and Gaby for coffee and go to school. Walking into our little coffee hut where we always meet, I see Gaby waving at me from a leather sofa in the corner. The milk steamer’s whooshing sound and the strong smell of coffee is refreshing after spending days not leaving my room. I smile as I approach her then drop my bag down and take the seat in the opposite corner to her so I can look at her while we chat. “How you feeling?” she asks, tipping her cup to sip her Earl Grey; She’s on a British invasion streak after Mike forced her to watch James Bond

with him. “I feel better. Not a hundred percent but I had to escape my room and your brother’s overprotectiveness. I love that man but he acted like I was dying by making you check on me every few hours.” I actually felt sorry for her in the end. I take the latte Libby offers me as she joins Gaby on the couch. “So, what have you been up to, Libs?” I ask, sipping the hot nectar from the cup. The smile on her face and the immediate crimson color that creeps over her cheeks tells me all I need to know. “Libby, you dirty little minx,” Gaby says. Putting her cup down, she covers her face with both hands to try and hide her blush. “Oh my God. He is . . . I was falling for him before but he finally took me back to his place on Sunday after a movie,” she says, biting her lower lip, and my smile has grown so wide it’s hurting a little. “He was amazing.” She quickly picks her cup back up and sips from it.

“Really? That good, huh?” Her eyes widen and she nods her head. We both start laughing, attracting the attention of everyone around us. My cell beeps and I pull it from my bag and read a message from Finlay. Hey beautiful, how you feeling? I’m fine. I left you not even an hour ago! I know but I worry, It’s my right. You can’t take that from me. Fine, I love you too, now stop worrying x Never. See you tonight Putting my phone away, I apologize to Libby and she laughs, shaking her head. “I get it.” I think she just might. “Let’s go, we have to critique each other’s work today. I hate doing that,” she moans. We say our goodbyes to Gaby and make it to class ten minutes early.

I take the last of my flu medicine, not wanting to take a chance that my feeling better was temporary, and take a shower. “Baby, are you home?” Finlay’s voice carries through my apartment. “I’m in my room,” I call back. He walks in looking sexy as hell in a suit in a dark steel color that makes his eyes pop. “You look so good in a suit, Mr. Hayes.” Grinning, he looks me up and down, drinking me in “And you look super good in a towel Mrs. One Day Hayes” He walks over to me and opens my towel, dropping it to the floor. His breath catches as his eyes feast on my bare body, making my pulse jump. Mrs. One Day Hayes. Did he really just say that? I’m going to pass out. “And even better in nothing,” he groans. “How are you feeling?”

Intoxicated on you. So in love I might burst into a cloud of glitter. “Better,” I say hoarsely, my whole body alert and needy for him. He lifts my leg and places the heel on to the bed, opening me up to him. He loosens his tie, pulling it over his head, and throwing it to the floor. He slips his jacket off his shoulders and it joins the tie. I watch him as he unbuttons his shirt slowly, making me burn up for him with anticipation. He discards it before dropping to his knees and bringing his lips to the apex of my thighs. I feel so worked up from watching him and having him stare at me on show, he only flicks his tongue over my clit and I’m jolting. “You missed my touch, baby.” He hasn’t as much as brushed past my breast the whole time I’ve been ill, so to have him between my thighs with his tongue is heaven. “Yes,” I breathe. He slips a finger inside me, sending me spiraling. “You’re throbbing for me, baby. Is your pussy

hungry for my touch?” “Yes,” I breathe again. He stands and lowers me onto the bed. “Your skin still feels a little warm. Let’s fix that.” He leans over me and dips his fingers into the glass I had drank from when taking my pills. He scoops out a melting ice cube and slips it into his mouth; cold drips drop from his hand, splashing onto my chest. I wouldn’t be surprised if my skin sizzles; I’m so on fire. His lips come down on me, cold on my skin. The ice cube sits between his lips as he traces them over my chest, stopping to tantalize my sensitive nipples then moving down my navel. I’m already moaning and shuddering. His hands knead my breasts, pinching the nipples. The water streaking down my body from the ice cube leaves an electric charge every time the air catches it. As he traces back up my body I whimper at the loss of him not continuing his journey south. He kisses my lips, slipping the ice into my mouth. “Wait here.” My hands wander down my body, my fingers caressing between my wet folds. I add some

pressure over my clit. “Mmm, you naughty girl. Spread those legs for me. Let me see your juices flow while you touch yourself.” He’s holding a bowl of ice. He puts it down on the end of the bed and takes a apartmentm from the nightstand. I’m too lost in the sensation of my own pleasure that I don’t see him place ice cubes inside the apartmentm, I just feel it when he drops between my thighs and pushes it inside me. My back arches from the bed in delight. It’s like having a cock made of ice inside me, the apartmentm giving a layer of protection so it doesn’t feel bitter, it just feels all kinds of sweet. He fucks me with it, pushing inside me and pulling out, and then attacking me with his hot tongue pushing inside me. The contradiction of hot and cold has me gasping. His hand pushes down on my own fingers to help stimulate my clit while he tortures my core. “I’m going to come!” His breathing is scattered as he jumps up, dropping his trousers and boxers to the floor. He’s between my thighs seconds later with his hard,

throbbing cock pushing inside me teasing, my opening with just the tip. I reach forward, grabbing his hips, and thrust him into me, making us both cry out in pleasure. “Oh God, baby, I love you.” He plunges into me with urgency; I lift my hips to meet every thrust. I’m tightening around him, grasping on to him with my inner walls. I never want him to leave my body. I cling to him, riding out my climax. He thrusts into me over and over until he reaches his own release, flooding me. He collapses over my body until our breathing calms.

WHEN FINLAY AND I arrive at the club the next day, an anxious Gavin greets us. “Where the fuck have you two been? Antonia, you’re up. I need you to kick things off.” I feel the heat in my face and Finlay gives him a cocky grin. “We were busy.” Gavin shakes his head. “You two are busy a lot.” He points to the stage. “I got you a piano and

everything.” Nerves twist my stomach. “Can’t we get a drink first?” Finlay asks, looking over the crowded dance floor to our corner. “No, we’ve been waiting. I have other acts going on.” “It’s fine. I’d rather get it over with.” I release Finlay’s hand from mine and make my way through the crowd, stepping up onto the stage. I take a seat and adjust the mic to my height then signal the DJ to let him know I’m ready. The guy from the other night who introduced James’ band comes to the stage and gives an introduction. I take a deep breath and try to tune out the fact that the whole club has fallen silent and all eyes are on me. “Wooo! You rock, Antonia!” Gaby shouts, and whistling and clapping follow. I place my fingers over the keys and let what comes naturally fill the room. My fingers dance over the keys and my lungs expand as my voice pours into the mic. They tell you that it’s over

They tell you that’s it’s done They tell you that you made it How can they be so wrong? You say you still love me, you say you still care But how can you leave me here broken? Leave me still there You cut me free from the binds But left me there still bound in your mind How can I ever be free If you won’t release me? You say you still love me you say you still care But how can you leave me here broken? Leave me still there You let the memories take me from your love that burned bright but the darkness won’t hold me I’ll make my way to the light You say you still love me you say you still care But how can you leave me here broken?

Leave me still there Applause breaks through my thoughts and I remember where I am. Everyone is cheering and I feel heat flush my face. Gavin comes to the stage and offers his hand for me to take. I step down, and follow him to the bar as people grab me to offer their approval. We struggle through the crowd and eventually get out in one piece. “Wow, Gaby said you were great, but you are amazing,” Gavin says. I look to the floor and hope he doesn’t notice the crimson heat that’s coloring my cheeks and the rest of my body. I notice a couple of members from The Rush cutting through the crowd. I never did ask about the band name change. The jerk in the suit from the other week is also with them. “You killed it!” They offer in unison, grinning. “What are you doing here? Is it just you two?” I ask, searching the crowd behind them. A familiar hand soothes my shoulder, igniting every nerve ending. I grasp his hand, diverting my eyes behind me to look up at Finlay who is mere inches from

my face. He cups my face, turning me, and brings his lips to mine “You are so amazing.” “He’s right, you are. Our manager is out back and he nearly fell over when he heard you sing.” “I thought you were their manager?” Everyone looks round to the jerk in the suit who Gavin had called Anderson. He’s lost his cocksure attitude and is shaking his head. The guys start laughing. “Fuck, no! He’s an assistant’s assistant tasked with showing us around. Anyway, we we’re playing some of our old stuff in the studio, going through some recordings and stuff, and there were some of the demos with you on from back in the day. Our manager wanted to meet you. When I saw Gavin yesterday he said you were playing tonight for him. Eric wanted to hear you live.” Daniel grins making his dimples show. “Really?” Finlay rubs my lower back, relaxing me. ‘Does he want to meet me now?” “Actually, we can’t stay, but he asked me to give you this and asked if you’ll come by the

studio.” He hands me a business card. “Holy shit! Remember me and my club when you’re famous.” Gavin salutes me with his shot glass before knocking it back. “Where’s the rest of the band?” “Our bass player is on a date.” They both explode into a contagious laughter. “What’s so funny?” “Well, the date he has is with a chick we’re pretty sure is a dude.” Gavin spits out the drink he just chugged. “What the hell? What makes you think it’s a dude?” I ask, curious and mortified for him. “The Adam’s apple!” they both bellow, holding their stomachs. “Oh, and James thought it best he gives you some of the space you asked for. He said he will see you tomorrow for the flight home” I stiffen from his words. Crap. I haven’t told Finlay we’re flying home together. His hands drop from my body. “Anyway it was so great seeing you again. We need to go.” They each kiss my cheek and then turn

and leave. “What the fuck does he mean ‘tomorrow for the flight’?” I drop my eyes to the floor and bring my hands together, fiddling with my finger. “He’s going home tomorrow too. He has to see the police as well. It’s not a big deal, that’s why I didn’t say anything.” “Police?” Gavin asks, but I ignore him. “Not a big deal? Are you fucking kidding? Are your flights together?” I swipe at the sweat beading on my brow. “Yes,” I answer meekly. Putting his bottle down on the bar with enough force to make it froth and almost shattering it, he growls, “Un-fucking-believable.” He storms to the rest room. “He’s intense, man.” Gavin tips his beer bottle to his lips. “Haven’t you gone away yet?” I snap, and immediately regret it. “I’m sorry.” “What’s that about police?” he asks again. “It’s nothing.” I smile weakly, hoping he’ll

drop it, but he just looks at me, waiting. “Seriously, Gav. I can’t speak about it right now.” He nods then strokes my arm. “Well, you know I care about you. If you’re ever in trouble or anything-” I put my hand up to stop him. “It’s nothing like that, but thank you. It means a lot.” I reach up and kiss his cheek. “What’s going on?” Gaby asks from behind me, her eyes assessing Gavin and me. “Aww, you jealous that Antonia finally put her lips on me? We’re running off together. Will you miss me?” She gives him a sarcastic look.”Yes, I will miss you, when Finlay kills your ass.” He laughs and puts his arm around her shoulder. “You can put your lips on me too, you know? I have a place they would fit perfectly.” He winks, moving in close to her. She flushes bright red and her eyes widen. “Gavin!” I say, shocked at his blatant flirting. I look at Gaby and see a twinkle in her eye. She’s falling for him, just like Finlay didn’t want.

“So what are you drinking, Gabs? It’s a cocktails special tonight.” Gavin flags down the waitress. “In that case I’ll take a screaming orgasm. . . . and then I’ll have a drink.” Gavin and I both stare at her, open-mouthed “We need to talk.” Finlay grabs my arm and drags me away, near to the restrooms. He corners me in, resting an arm either side of my head. “I’m sorry, Finlay. My mom and . . .” “Stop. I don’t want to hear it. I need you to tell me . . . was that song about him?” I look to the floor and then quickly back up at him “It was written before us, Finlay. I used my music to get me through dark times like therapy.” “So that’s a yes.” I nod, trying to look him in the eye but his gaze is so fierce I feel it boring into me like I could ignite and combust into dust right here. “Do you love him?” My stomach flips over and my heart pounds in my chest. I look him square in his eyes. “I love you.”

“That’s an answer?” “It’s the only answer.” I reach up pulling his face to mine. “I love you.” I kiss him again “I love you.” He opens his mouth allowing my tongue to find his. Gaby breaks our kiss by tapping Finlay on the shoulder. “Sorry you two, but I wanted to give you a heads up. Julie’s here.” I roll my eyes and look back into Finlay’s. He smiles and takes my hand, leading me to the VIP area where everyone else is sitting. Gabe stands and crushes me to him. “You were so good! Did you write that song?” I nod and smile. It was so good you made Libs cry.” I look around him to see Libby nodding and getting to her feet “You did. It was so heartbreaking but so beautiful. I had no idea you could sing!” “He’s not bad either, nowhere near your talent though.” I look over at a boy strumming his acoustic

guitar and singing to the crowd. Mike nods a hello to me and looks at Gaby, who’s laughing at Gavin and his friends “I’m just nipping to the bathroom.” I make my way to the restroom and almost run into the barmaid who usually caters to our area. “Oops, sorry,” she says, splashing on a fake grin reserved for customers. “No problem. My bad.” I smile. She turns and continues her conversation with another barmaid. “So Gavin fucked Georgia?” I stop, intrigued, and mingle trying to not let them see me listening. “Yes, and she said he is huge!” “Damn. I’ve been trying for a few weeks now; do you think I’m not his type?” “Ha! Everyone’s his type! He will get round to you, don’t worry. He grabbed my ass earlier and he knows I have a boyfriend.” They separate to serve customers so I carry on to the bathroom and wait for an empty stall. Once I relieve myself, I make my way back to the others but notice Gavin at the bar. I take a deep breath and

walk over to him. “Gav, can I have a word in private?” “Sure, two seconds.” He opens a door and holds out his hand. “Go through to my office, it’s the end one.” He points down a small hallway lit with blue wall lights. I take a look back to see if anyone’s watching us but they’re all watching the stage, which is occupied by another act. I walk along the short hall and enter the room at the end. There’s a huge desk taking up the center of the room, cabinets line the back wall, and a fancy small bar curves out from the other wall. It’s stocked with varieties of bottled liquor, and there are some framed certificates on the dark green walls, and a worn leather couch in the corner facing a security screen, which shows the club floor from lots of angles. “Hey, what’s up?” Gavin asks as he walks in and throws himself down on the couch. “I want to talk about Gaby and the feelings I think she has for you.” He sits forward and stares straight at me. “What do you mean thinks she has?”

“I know you have feelings for her, and I’m worried she’s starting to have them for you too. Shit might happen, and if you’re not sure and this is just a small crush then please for the sake of your friendships, don’t let her fall. Don’t risk breaking her heart and losing both her and Finlay. He is so against this. You should know that.” He rubs his hands over his head then down his face. “Fuck! Okay.” “Okay.” I leave without another word. When I get back to our table, Julie smiles up at me sheepishly from the seat next to Finlay’s. I’m drawn to look at him and find him watching me, patting his lap and tugging my hand. I happily oblige and sit down on him “You took your time. Are you feeling okay? I was just going to send Gaby in to look for you.” Gavin appears, followed by the waitress, who hands out our drinks. She whispers something to Gavin as she leaves. “She so wants you,” Finlay teases. “Are you going to throw her a pity fuck?” one of Gavin’s friends asks.

“He doesn’t fuck everybody!” Gaby snaps, bringing everyone’s attention to her. Mike’s jaw tenses. “Not fucking lately he doesn’t. I reckon he has a secret girl on the go, unless his going for sainthood,” his friend continues, gaining Gavin a beaming smile from Gaby. His eyes catch hers and then he looks over to me. “I just don’t screw the staff, and there are no single ladies around,” he says, “I’m single,” Julie says. “I’ll have a few more of these shots and we’ll see.” Gavin laughs but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Excuse me. You don’t need beer goggles on before screwing me,” she huffs. “I just meant you’ve been with two of my friends so I’d have to lower my morals, which happens when I’m drunk.” His tone drops and he’s looking a Gaby when he speaks, implying he’s referring to the romp they shared. “Well that should tell you what a good lay I am then. Finlay must have said good things to make his friend want a taste.”

Julie smirks, looking up at Finlay then to me with narrowed eyes. She’s clearly asking for another drink over her head. “Actually, I just told him you’re easy,” Finlay said, and laughs ring out around the group. “Whatever, Finlay. You never complained.” My temper sizzles. I shift in his lap, readying myself to jump up and kill her. He must sense my intention because his arm wraps tighter around my waist. “Yeah, I did complain, just not to your face.” She screws her face up at him, making her appear ugly and bitter. Gavin swallows another shot and starts tapping his foot, the tension almost unbearable between everyone. Gaby’s eyes are going to burn a hole in Gavin’s face if she doesn’t stop glaring at him. Mike gets up and walks away without a word, and Gavin follows him with his eyes. “What’s wrong with him?” Gabe asks. “Gaby, don’t you think you should go see what’s wrong with him?” “No.” She picks up her glass and stirs her drink

with her red straw before gulping it down. She stands and brazenly starts dancing seductively to the sexy beats crooning from a band now playing. Her body moves like a snake, effortlessly, long and graceful. Julie jumps up to join her and I have to swallow the vomit in the back of my throat. Gaby moves right in front of Gavin, grinding her ass on his lap. Finlay tenses beneath me and starts moving me from his lap. Nerves kick in, sending me a little dizzy. Gavin stands before Finlay can as he puts his hand out to Julie. She looks up at him, confused “Come on then, Jules. Come to my place and show me what you’ve got.” Her hand slips into his and what’s supposed to be a sexy giggle sounds more like a desperate slut capturing her prey. He doesn’t look back at Gaby as he strides off with Julie. Gaby’s not moving. Tears glisten in her eyes and I feel ill for her. “I can’t believe you ever slept with her. She’s a slag,” I tell Finlay. “A slag?” “Yeah. Slut, you would call it.”

He laughs. “Well, I regret it, and in my defense I was always wasted when I slept with her.” I physically shudder at the thought and my temper flares again. “Baby, forget about her. Can we go? I want you to myself for a while before you have to leave me.” Damn it, he’s pouting. I suck his bottom lip into my mouth, anger evaporating with the promise of his touch. “Mmm, sounds good. Let’s go.” Mike comes back and Gaby launches herself into his arms. “Take me home and make love to me,” she says, gaining her whistles from Gavin’s friends. “FUCK! Gaby!” Finlay shouts. “Sorry, bro.” She laughs but it’s forced. She’s hurting. “I don’t need to hear that shit.” Finlay pulls me through the crowd. When we reach the exit, I welcome the cold blast of air and take a fresh breath. “Here’s us, baby.” Finlay gestures for me to get in his car but my attention is honed in on Gavin

who is ushering Julie into a cab. “Just go home, Julie. I have stuff to do. I’ll call you sometime.” He slams the door and raps his knuckles on the roof, making the cab pull away. Finlay keeps tapping at my ass. “Come on, get in.” “Sorry, I was enjoying the butt smacking.” I grin over my shoulder as I slide into my seat. “Hmm, we can definitely do more of that.” He burrows his face into my neck as he slides in next to me.

ONCE FINLAY AND I reach the airport the next day, the realization that I’m going to be leaving him hits me hard. The lonely, empty feeling that had settled in my chest before I got here is returning. I haven’t really dealt with the reasons I’m going back home. If I stop and let myself, I’ll fracture and maybe never find all the pieces of this new me that I’ve grown into. I like her. She’s strong and

independent, she has friends, and most importantly, she has Finlay. “God, I’m going to miss you, baby. Keep your cell charged. Shit, Antonia. Don’t cry.” “I didn’t know I was.” He holds me tight and my tears fall into his chest and get swallowed by the fabric. “I love you. I’ll call you once I land.” I pull away and take my suitcase. I make him leave me outside to avoid any awkward run-ins with James. I wave and watch as he walks over and gets in his car. Tears burn down my cheeks but I swipe them and make my way inside. James is waiting and heads straight towards me. “Ready?” he asks. I nod and follow him, ignoring his outstretched hand. “Before we get on the plane, James, I just want to say I’m not ready to have the talk yet. Can we do it once we’re home and settled?” He exhales, appearing relieved. “Of course. That’s what I want too.” I study him, trying to gauge his response, but soon forget he’s there. I can’t think of anything

other than Finlay making love to me all morning, and now I won’t see him for God knows how long. After sleeping ten of the thirteen hour flight, I’m actually refreshed rather than jet lagged. I feel slightly guilty for ignoring James for most of the trip, especially when he’s been attentive, carrying my luggage and letting me use his shoulder as a pillow and drool catcher, but I obviously needed the rest. He’s being cautious not to talk about the “us” topic, which I’m grateful for. When we pull up at my parents’ house, he helps me from the car, pulls my luggage out, and carries it to the doorstep. “I know you need some space and time so I’m not coming in. Tell your parents that I had to get straight home. But I was hoping you would come over once you’ve settled in. My parents would love to see you while you’re here.” He smiles down at me with his blue eyes and gentle smile, and memories of us being together filter through my mind. For the most part it’s beautiful, and I have great memories that I’ll cherish, but things are different now. I’m different.

The love we had was an innocent love, a child’s love. After falling for Finlay, it woke me up inside. It’s nothing I’ve ever felt before and I’ve realized there are different types of love. The love I have for Finlay is more powerful than anything I ever felt for James. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Toni? You look like you’re trying to solve the meaning of life.” He brings his hand up and strokes my cheek. “James, we need to talk as soon as possible, so I’ll come over tomorrow.” He nods in agreement and brings his lips to my forehead. “Okay, I’ll pick you up at lunch time.” I smile and bring my arm up to pull his hand from my face. “That’s fine. I’ll see you then.” I watch him leave before opening the front door. “Hey, sweetheart!” Daddy greets me in the hall, and the smell of vanilla hits me and floods my mind with all my childhood memories. Mom has a love for vanilla and she uses vanilla candles, vanilla cleaning products, and pot pourri all over

the house. Every time I smell vanilla I think of her. The warmth of the house is like an embrace as it cocoons around me. The fire is on high in the main living room. Everything has a place; it’s pristine. There’s a huge mirror above the fireplace, reflecting light around the room. The long hallway walls hold our family’s history in photographs. I look up to see Mom standing at the top of the oak staircase. “Oh, you’re here. Where’s James?” “He had to go.” “Oh, what a shame. Well, Detective Ross will be here tomorrow morning.” Ross was the officer working our case back when it all happened, and I’m glad they’re not wasting any time. “That’s fine. I’m tired so I’m going to go straight to my room.” “I thought you might want to go out to dinner.” I look to Daddy with pleading eyes. “Just let her rest. It was a long flight,” Daddy tells her. I smile at him, pick up my suitcase, and make my way to my room.

It hasn’t changed since I left; the pale pink walls hold all my medals and certificates, and my posters of teenage crushes. I dump my case down and throw myself on to my bed. The pink satin covers crumple as I get comfortable and dig out my cell phone. Once it lights up with life, I scroll through and find Finlay’s name. He replies after a couple of rings. “Hey, beautiful. I was thinking of you.” I smile even though he can’t see me. “I already miss you. Does that make me clingy?” “No. I miss you too. I missed you before you even got out my car.” He sighs heavily and I lay back onto the mountain of pillows. “Where are you? It sounds quiet.” “I’m in my room, on my bed.” He groans, making me chuckle. “Really? Are you trying to kill me, baby?” “Sorry.” With another laugh, I change the subject. “I have a meeting with the detective in charge of the case tomorrow so I should have more of a clue how long I’ll need to be here.” “That’s good. Call me as soon as you finish the

meeting.” “I will.” “So, how was your flight? Did Mr. Perfect keep his hands to himself?” “I slept most of the way, and I told you, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to James. You’re my Mr. Perfect.” He sighs again and I wish I were there to reassure him. For someone so gorgeous and successful he can be insecure, which I know is because of the cheating his mother did. My heart hurts for him. “I love you, Finlay Hayes.” “I love you, baby.” “I’ll call you before I go to sleep.” “Okay.” I end the call and the ache I feel is almost unbearable. I don’t want to be here, I want to be at home wrapped up in everything Finlay Hayes.

DADDY’S SITTING AT THE dining table when I come down the next morning, reading the newspaper, while Mom is frying eggs. “Hey, sweetheart. Sleep well?” she asks when she sees me. Daddy lowers his paper and smiles “Yes, thank you.” I take a mug and poor some freshly brewed coffee into it. I hold it to my nose and inhale. Flashes of Finlay play in my mind like

a film, making me smile and nibble on my bottom lip. “What are you smiling about?” Daddy asks. “Nothing, Daddy.” The doorbell chimes and Mom unties her apron and throws it onto the table as she rushes past me to open the door. I sip my coffee and Daddy gets up to greet Detective Ross as he enters the kitchen with Mom. “Good to see you again,” he says. “Let’s go through to the front room,” Mom says. I take a seat in the leather armchair and watch Mom fuss with coffee and biscuits for Ross, who takes the chair opposite me. He pulls out some files from a briefcase. “How are you feeling, Antonia?” he asks. “I just want this over with.” “Well, that is why I’m here, so let’s get straight to it, shall we?” He smiles. “The man in custody confessed so if you correctly identify him as the man who committed those crimes against you, there won’t be a trial, just a sentencing court date.” I let out a breath and unclench the muscles in

my stomach. “Do you believe it’s him?” Detective Ross is close to this investigation and knows every detail of the crime, so his opinion can prepare me. If he thinks it’s him then it more than likely is. He shifts in his seat, placing the files on the floor and bringing his hands out in front of him “He claims to not remember the details. The man that held you captive that day killed with ease and took pleasure in the pain and humiliation of women. He was coherent in the moment and would savor it to revisit when he’s alone. He enjoys it too much to not remember.” Tears build and fall from my eyes. Mom drops to sit on the arm of the chair I’m in. “So you don’t believe him?” she asks. “No. I think this man has mental health issues and made a false confession only after an officer quizzed him about the past crime.” “So this is a waste of her time? We thought you had him, but he’s still out there?” Daddy gets to his feet. Detective Ross reaches forward, taking my hand. “I know this is hard but I need you to do this

so we can rule him out. If he gets charged for this crime, the case gets closed and whoever is guilty gets away with it.” Sobs retch from my chest. “I’ll do it.” “Good girl.”

It’s not him; it’s nothing like him. How could they make me believe if only for a heartbeat that it might actually be him when he’s nothing like him? I shake my head. The silence is deafening in the car on the way to James’ parents’ house. I can see him turning to look at me from the corner of my eye but I don’t say anything. I ran from that place. I needed to be away from everything that brought back pain and memories. I didn’t give Mom or Dad a chance to bring me home. I asked James if I could go back with him to get this talk over with instead. I need to be on the

next flight out of here. James’ house is beautiful. The drive way is the size of a football pitch, the dark slate tiles on the roof blend with the rich colored brickwork perfectly, giving it a modern but expensive feel. James helps me from his car and doesn’t let my hand go. I’m on my feet and he’s pulling me through the front door, up the stairs, and into his room. He releases my hand and stands in the middle of the room gazing at me. His room hasn’t changed either. The wooden floor contrasts with the blue walls leaving a cold eerie feel. Pictures of us decorate the shelves. I look at him and he smiles, walking over to me. He brings his hands to my face, pulling me into him. His lips touch mine but I push him back and he looks at me, confusion furrowing his brow. “James don’t. That’s not why I’m here.” His hands drop and a heavy sigh leaves his lips. “I love you. I want you back. I miss you. How did things get so messed up? It’s not right that he took you from me. You’re still my bloody screen

saver! You’re mine and he stole that from me.” He’s shaking his head as he speaks. “James, I love Finlay. He didn’t steal me away, you pushed me away.” “I don’t mean him! I know you say you love him but you love me as well, Antonia. I can see it when you look at me.” He steps closer to me, forcing me to step back. I bring my hands up to stop his from touching me. “I do love you,” I say. He takes in a sharp breath and exhales on a smile. “But it’s not the same way I love him, James.” He turns from me and rubs both hands through his hair. “Are you sleeping with him? Did you let him . . . ?” “James! Don’t! That’s none of your business! You ended us.” “I was having a hard time dealing, Antonia. My girlfriend was attacked because-” “Because what?” He’s driving me crazy this is all in the past. “Because, look at you! Of course he wanted you.” He’s mumbling now and I want to curl up

into a ball. He’s blaming me for the attack? “I was a victim of a violent crime because he was a sick bastard, James. Not for any other reason. He killed my friend and tried to rape me while his still warm blood soaked into my skin. Nothing can make a man do that. He’s just evil!” I spit, swiping the tears streaking my cheeks. I’m sorry you had to find me like you did, but it was you who left me there. In your mind I was still naked and spoiled on that floor. You never looked at me the same again and that hurt more than anything.” A sob leaves James, making my heart hurt. “I’m sorry, Toni. I’m so sorry he did that to you. I couldn’t see past you laying there, with him touching you in places meant for me. You were exposed and hurt because he wanted something that wasn’t his. The images haunted my dreams. I saw them when you touched me. I needed time.” “Time couldn’t put us back to where we were, James. It changed me, and I moved on. It changed you too and it’s time to move on with your life.” “I’ll never forgive him for this and I’ll never

forgive myself for losing you.” He turns to face me and closes the distance between us. “Well, I forgive you and I forgive myself.” He brings his hands to cup my face. “I know you love this Finlay guy and it’s really over for us. I accept it. We needed to talk this out but we shouldn’t have waited this long. Please let me kiss you goodbye.” Before I can answer, his lips are on mine, caressing them. It’s a sweet, gentle kiss. It’s James’ kiss. I don’t feel the rush, the pull deep within me like I do when it’s Finlay’s kiss. I pull back and offer him a small, tight smile. “Goodbye, James.” I leave him standing there and bolt from his house. I use the walk home to clear my head. I spend the rest of the day painting. I’m ready to go back to my new life already. I don’t need to be here anymore. I don’t want to be here. I want to be with Finlay. I take a shower, slip on some yoga pants and a jumper, and head down to talk to my parents. When

I reach the bottom step I see a shadow at the front door followed by the bell ringing. “I’ll get it!” I call out. I open the door and my breath catches. “Finlay.” “Hey, beautiful! I missed you too much.” I jump into his arms and he drops his bag. I wrap my legs around his waist and smother him in kisses. His strong hands caress my back and he inhales my scent and nuzzles my neck. “You missed me too, I take it?” He laughs. Daddy clears his throat as Finlay lowers me to the ground. “Finlay. Good to see you again.” “You too, sir.” “I’ll have your mother make up the guest room.” “No need. I booked into a hotel, but thank you for the offer.” He looks at me and I nod my head in understanding. I wouldn’t want to sleep under the same roof as them either. I reach for his arm. “We’ll be upstairs, Daddy.” We mount the stairs two at a time and I pull him into my room and shut the door. He’s on me,

backing me up against the door, smothering my lips with his own, parting them with his tongue. I gladly give him access and melt into him, offering him the caresses of my own. After a delicious make out session, we remember we’re not sixteen and pull apart, breathless. “I needed to see you, to be here for you. I should never have let you come without me.” He closes his eyes and brings his forehead down to rest against mine. “I’m coming to the hotel with you. We’re pretty lame not being able to handle a couple of days without each other,” I joke. “I love you. I need to be near you always.” “Let me go tell my mom. Pack me a few items please. The sooner we’re out of here, the better.” I grin seductively and rush out the door. I find my Mom pacing the kitchen with Daddy muttering something to her. She notices me and stops. “Well, that was nice of him to come and support you but a little awkward, don’t you think?”

What the hell is her problem? “What do you mean?” “I mean with you and James spending time together.” She tuts. “Mom, you need to hear and understand this. I’m in love with Finlay, we’re a couple and there is never going to be a me and James again.” She storms past me shouting, “I just want it all to go back to before!” “Give her time, Antonia. She’s stubborn. For what it’s worth, I see the way that boy looks at you. He loves you and I always felt proud of him for his courage after he lost his father. He is a good man.” I swipe at a tear. “Daddy, that’s worth everything. Thank you.” I give him a squeeze and a kiss on his cheek. “Is Mom going to be okay? She’s acting kind of . . .” “Crazy?” He finishes for me. We stare at each other, both knowing this isn’t normal behavior for her. “I’m going to get her some help. She needs to go back into therapy but I don’t want you worrying about any of that. You’re finally moving on and I can’t tell you how proud I am of you.”

“I’m going to stay with Finlay and fly home tomorrow.” “Okay, sweetheart.” I race back to my room and Finlay’s sitting on my bed with his shoulders hunched over, and his head hanging. “Damn it. Did Mom come in here? What did she say?” He looks up at me, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. What the hell could she have said? My soul aches seeing him distressed. He stands and strides towards me. I have to step back, the fierceness and anger pouring from him sends chills through my body. His hands grab my arms and shake me a little. “Did you let him touch you, Antonia? Did you enjoy his fucking lips on you?” he asks in disbelief. The grief in his eyes cripples me. I shake my head. “I don’t understand!” He thrusts my phone into my hands and pushes me away from the doorway, leaving me stunned. I look down at the text message on the screen.

I can’t believe we finally did that. After all this time we needed to. You were right, we needed closure. I can still taste you on my lips. It’s something I’ll never forget. I’ll always love you, thank you for giving me this. I’m going to embrace this ache I’ve earned. Holding on to you is like trying to hold on to a butterfly, you’re desperate to break free and holding on to you just makes your color fade. James xxx I race after him into the street. “Finlay, wait!” He turns to face me. “Is that why you didn’t want me to come here with you?” A tear runs down his face and my heart crushes into smithereens. I reach up to wipe the tear from his beautiful face but he grabs my wrist. “Don’t fucking touch me!” “Finlay, it’s-”

“Don’t, Antonia. Don’t say another thing. I can’t hear another thing from you. I can’t bear to fucking look at you. You’ve broken my heart.” He grabs at his hair, pulling it. “I’m so lost, I don’t understand.” “Finlay, you need to listen to me,” I beg, dropping to my knees. My heart is dying, disintegrating and the ash suffocating me. I can’t breathe. “How can you explain it, Antonia? Answer me, yes or no, did you let him touch you? Taste you?” “Yes, but-” “NO BUTS!” I sob, broken on the floor. This isn’t happening, he doesn’t understand. “Did you ever really love me?” “Yes!” I gasp, reaching for him. Anxiety is stealing my fight. I’m going to pass out. This can’t be happening. “Just not like I love you, because I could never do this to you. You’ve destroyed me. We’re done.” I want to call out but I can’t. Darkness is closing in around me.

“What’s going on?” Mom appears. She’s saying something to me but I can’t hear her anymore. The darkness has consumed me and I’m choking in it.

TIME PASSES IN A distortion of days all rolling into one continuous depressing, sleepless state. I can’t leave my room. Mom keeps bringing me breakfast every day, but I can’t keep it down. Heartbreak is like a sickness. I feel like I’m dying. Gaby called to tell me Finlay’s back home. She asked me what happened but I don’t tell her. I can’t. I don’t want to believe something

so minor had the power to destroy something I thought impenetrable. He won’t answer my calls or emails. I sent him a letter but heard nothing back from him. It’s really over.

It’s been two and half weeks since my heart was ripped from my chest, set on fire and then shoved back in a black hardened shell. I’ve spent most days painting and sketching his image. I’m still struggling to keep food down. I can manage to drink milk without wanting to bolt to the bathroom so I’m living off it like an infant. I drag myself from the comfort of my bed and turn on my laptop to check my emails. There’s lots of junk, a few assignments from the T.A at school, and one from Gaby. I click it open. Hey Antonia,

I miss you like crazy. When are you coming home? You missed Thanksgiving so there’s no way I’m letting you have Christmas without me. I bought you the perfect gift, hehe! I have some exciting news I really want to share with you. Finlay is so down, it’s worse than when dad died. I wish you would tell me what happened because he is being as stubborn as ever. I still can’t get him to have dinner with Mom. Everyone misses you. Everyone spends nearly every night here atm. Gavin had a bad flood ☹ Please come home, come sort things with Finlay . . . he misses you I love you xxxxxx Gabs My bedroom door opens and James is standing in the doorway. “Hey.” “What are you doing here?” “Your mum asked me to come over and see

you. She’s worried about you.” I grit my teeth when he plants his ass on my bed. His cell blinks in his hand but he ignores it. “What happened?” he asks. I reach for my cell phone and bring up his text that ruined my life, and hand it to him. “You happened.” He reads with a furrowed brow. “He checks your phone?” “No, James. He just happened to see it. Please go. I need to pack.” “You’re going back there?” “Of course I am. I live there, and nothing has changed.” I start packing straight away; I need to get back, I need to see him and tell him what a stupid ass he’s being. He jumped to conclusions. It was a simple kiss. I pack all the work I’ve done, my pictures of Finlay. I hold my hand out to James for my cell and leave a note for Daddy then take a cab to the airport.

I’M STARING UP AT my apartment building. I can see light streaming from the penthouse so I know Finlay’s home. I’m nervous and tempted to turn around and run. “Oh my God!” Gaby’s scream echoes and she’s running towards me, followed by Mike. “You’re home!” Her arms wrap around my neck, and Mike is laughing shaking his head at her enthusiasm.

“She missed you,” he says. “I missed her too.” I take her hands in mine and smile at her happy face. I notice a little lump pricking my finger and look down at her hand. “Holy shit!” I breathe. “I know. I’m engaged!” She beams. I’m frozen in shock. “I’m sorry, it’s bad timing.” She pouts and I realize I’m being selfish. “No, it’s just soon and you’re so young. I didn’t expect it.” “You sound like Finlay and Mom.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m sorry. Congratulations, I’m really happy for you both.” I pull her into a hug, and then Mike leans forward and kisses my cheek. “It’s good to have you home,” he says. “It’s good to have my maid of honor back!” Gaby bellows. “Go to him, Antonia. Fix this. We will be back soon and I’ll check on you. We can have dinner and catch up.” “Okay.” I smile. They wave goodbye and I’m back to staring up

at the penthouse. It’s now or never. My heart’s beating so fast I feel dizzy as the lift ascends to the penthouse. I’ve decided I’m going to force him to hear me out. When the door pings and opens, time slows down, my body becomes numb. The rhythmic beat of my heart is strumming in my ears. My hearing appears heightened as every movement roars in my ears. I try to tell myself my eyes are lying to me as they take in a messy-haired Julie slipping her skirt on in the corridor of the penthouse. Her eyes meet mine, a filthy smirk lifting one side of her face. Blood rushes through my veins offering movement back to my legs. My whole body tenses as if anticipating the next blow. “I’ll never get tired of that man rocking my world,” she says. Acid is being poured into my bones; it’s so painful, this hurts too damn much. I stumble forward as she straightens her bra and tries to tame her matted hair. She steps into the lift as I step out and the doors close. I vomit on the floor where I’m standing, the

decaying parts of me emptying out. I’m dying. I’m dying. The door to the penthouse opens but I can’t turn around. I can’t face him. I bolt for the stair exit. My jacket gets caught on the rail and I stagger. I miss the top step and tumble down them in a painful fall. I cry out when I come to stop at the bottom of the first flight. The pain in my ribs screams at me. Giving me some relief from the pain in my heart. Hot blood trickles from my head into my eyes. “Fucking hell, Antonia. No, no!” Finlay rushes down to me. “Don’t move. Don’t move! I’m calling an ambulance.” “No!” I scream, batting his hands away from the gash bleeding all over the place. “Just leave me alone. Please don’t touch me. It hurts!” “I’m going to help you. You’re cut real bad.” I shove him again when he tries to get close to me. “Not the cut, you!” My ribs burn with such an intense pain that black spots appear in my eyes. His face is distorted from the blood impairing my vision but confusion mars his features. “You hurt

me. You hurt me.” He’s wearing lounge pants and nothing else. His beautiful chest is bare and his hair is wet from a shower. God, he’s just washed the skanky Julie off him my stomach stirs again like I’m being spun on a spin cycle and thrown over a cliff. I retch and vomit again. “You’re injured Antonia. You need to go to the hospital. God, I need you to let me help you get to the hospital. Gavin . . . Gavin!” he shouts. “They can’t fix me,” I cry, pushing to my feet. “Don’t touch me!” I snarl when he tries to help me stand up straight. I stagger down the next flight despite the agony I’m in. I open the door and wince at the burning pain coursing through my ribs. I can hear a whistle with each breath I take. “Fuck this. I’m taking you to hospital.” I’m scooped off my feet, Finlay’s scent surrounding me causing the pain to intensify, and then everything goes black.

I’VE EATEN TAR. MY mouth feels disgusting and there’s an annoying beeping from my alarm. Muffled voices in the distance become closer. “Press snooze,” I murmur, but the beeping continues. “Snooze, Finlay.” I mutter. My eyes flutter. trying to open, but it’s hard. They feel heavy, and the bright light forces them to close again. I put my hand up to protect them from

the intrusion of light, blinking a few times. “She’s awake.” I squint and look to Gaby, Gavin and Finlay standing in front of me, I hear the beeping to my right and notice a machine and wires leading to my hand. “Where am I?” “You’re in hospital, sweetie. Damn, Antonia.” Gaby sobs and is taken into the arms of Gavin. He speaks over her head to me. “You fell down the stairs. You have a couple of cracked ribs and a fractured ankle.” He releases Gaby and offers me the cup on the table next to my bed. “I don’t want him here,” I croak. Gavin holds a straw to my lips. “Have some water. Finlay brought you here.” “I’ll see you at home, Gaby,” Finlay says as he leaves without another word. “Gavin, I need to speak to Antonia,” Gaby says. He hands her the glass and exits the room. “You scared me. I told the doctors that I’m your sister so they would let me stay with you. They told me, Antonia. How far along are you? Was he

an ass about it? Is that why you’re not talking? I will kick his ass.” I shake my head and immediately wish I hadn’t. There’s a searing pain that shoots through me, making the monitor beep louder. I take a few deep breaths. “What are you talking about?” “The baby. The doctor asked me if you knew about the baby.” I look at her, stunned. “What the hell are you talking about?” “Well, hello. You’re awake,” a plump older nurse says as she walks towards me holding a chart. “How are you feeling?” “Confused.” “She didn’t know” Gaby tells her, and I look between them. “What’s going on?” I ask, panic setting in. “Calm down. We couldn’t do an X-ray because you’re pregnant but the doctor has examined you and he is confident in his diagnosis of your cracked ribs and fracture in your ankle. You had a nasty abrasion on your forehead which needed six

stitches We have put a cast on your ankle which will need to be changed in a couple of weeks and we have wrapped your ribs to try and help your breathing, but apart from that there’s not a lot we can do for ribs, I’m afraid. You got really lucky.” Lucky? I don’t feel freaking lucky. “I don’t understand.” “Well, we can’t get to the ribs-” I put my hand up to stop her. “About the baby. I’m on the pill. I don’t understand” “Well we need to do a vaginal ultrasound exam to determine how far along you are. The pill is a very effective birth control method but nothing is a hundred percent. Prescription drugs can interfere with its effectiveness and even some over the counter medicines.” She takes my temperature and jots down the reading from the beeping machine. “I’m sorry this is a shock to you but we really need to do an ultrasound. You took a very nasty fall.” “Okay. Stay with me, Gabs” I plead. “Don’t you want Finlay in here?” “No! Please, Gaby.” “Okay, of course.”

There are a couple of nurses coming and going. One wheels in a machine and the other lifts my blanket and puts my legs in stirrups. “This is what I will insert into your vagina. It shouldn’t cause discomfort but please try and remain still so I can get an accurate examination reading. You may feel a little pinching.” Gaby squeezes my hand and after a few minutes the nurse speaks again. “There you are.” A whooshing sound plays from the machine. “Do you want to see?” I nod and she pushes the screen to face us and points to the black and white image. “There he or she is.” She clicks some buttons. “It looks like a kidney bean at the moment but I can assure you it’s a baby.” She smiles and Gaby and I both sob.

An hour later all the nurses have left after giving

me some leaflets on unplanned pregnancy and a lecture to stop taking my pill and start taking pregnancy vitamins, and to not fly again in the first trimester. I make Gaby promise me she won’t tell Finlay. “Hey,” Gavin says from the doorway “Can I come in?” “Yeah.” I smile weakly. “Finlay’s in the waiting room. He won’t leave. He told me not to tell you but I’m an ass so I have.” He laughs “I can’t see him right now.” “Okay, well Gaby’s gone to get you some clothes from your apartment. I’m going to take off and I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?” “Thank you for being here.” “It’s good to have you home.”

“Wakey wakey!” I hear Gaby call out.

“I’m so glad you’re here, I need to shower. Will you help me?” “Yes, I will, let’s get you naked!” Gavin bellows. I crank one eye open and notice the room is full. “Hey, they didn’t tell me you were here until today,” Gabe says, putting some flowers down and kissing me on the head. “Yeah and I have a bruised arm and leg because of it,” Gavin moans. “Libby’s away visiting family but she’s thinking about you,” Gabe tells me. I manage a smile. “Fancy throwing yourself down the stairs. I will take you on a date, okay? Please don’t kill yourself over it.” Brad manages to keep a straight face while talking, then hands me a huge box of chocolates. Mike stands behind Gaby, rubbing her shoulders. “Wow, thank you. It’s so good to see you all.” They all begin chatting around my bed but my mind is still fuzzy, trying to process everything

that’s happened. I can’t concentrate on anything they’re saying. “There’s too many people in here. She needs her rest,” a petite nurse announces to the group, gaining her a long groan from Gavin. “I was just about to eat her chocolates,” he moans, getting a slap in the head from Gabe. They all leave, apart from Gaby, who helps me into the shower and then into fresh clothes “He’s here, you know?” she says in a quiet voice. “What do you mean?” “Finlay. He waits in the waiting area, and he makes the nurses update him, which they don’t really do because he’s not family. I think a couple take pity on that perfect face of his though, because they bring him coffee.” She laughs. “I can’t deal with him right now. It hurts too much. Please tell him to leave.” She shakes her head. “I have. He won’t listen to me.” “I’m tired, Gabs. Do you mind leaving me to rest a little?” I ask, feeling guilty. She knows I’m

just getting rid of her to stop this conversation but she agrees. Tears fall freely and I wonder if there’s a tear quota you can reach before you just combust into dust.

“Ready to go home?” Gaby asks. They kept me in hospital a whole week to monitor me, which was a nightmare. I hate hospitals. I use my crutches to help me get over to my suitcase. “I’m packed up. Can you go get Gavin to take this down to the car please?” “Yeah, sure.” She bounces from the room. I take a seat to wait for them when I hear someone clearing their throat. I look up and see Diane standing in the doorway. “Hello.” “Hey,” I murmur, surprised to see her. “I know you haven’t told your parents you were

injured so as your mom can’t be here I thought I would visit.” “Well, I’m actually leaving today.” “Oh, silly me. So, Gaby told me things are strained between you and Finlay. I knew he wouldn’t settle down. He’s stubborn just like his daddy was.” “Don’t talk about him.” Finlay’s angry voice behind her makes us both jump. “Finlay, where did you come from?” she asks. “I saw you come in. Now leave.” “You need to move past this, and maybe not speak about it in front of other people.” She looks to me and then back to him. “Don’t tell me what I need, Mom, and she’s not other people.” She gasps and looks between Finlay and me. “Have you told her? You listen to me.” She walks over to him, pointing her finger. “What happened was between a husband and wife. We didn’t want you to find out.” “Yeah, I bet you didn’t. I wish I didn’t know and I’ll do everything I can to make sure Gaby

never finds out.” “She never will. I’m sorry you had to. I know you’re angry and that’s fine but know that he loved her, he just needed time. He raised her and loved her before he knew she wasn’t his. He was hurt but that love doesn’t just disappear.” A whimper comes from behind Finlay. My stomach knots as he turns to see a white as a ghost Gaby being held up by Gavin. “Oh my God,” she sobs. Finlay and Diane rush towards her but she takes off, running down the corridor. “Gaby, wait!” Finlay shouts before disappearing out of sight. “What was that about?” Gavin asks, walking over to me and helping me to my feet. “I can’t say.” He looks over to Diane who is staring at him. “Why were you with Gaby?” she asks, her tone accusing. “Picking Antonia up. Why?” he snaps back at her. She flees instead of answering. “Why is everything weird lately?” he asks and

I shrug. “Let me take you to the car then I’ll go look for Gaby.” “I think we should let Finlay find her.” “Okay.” He carries my case and I hobble along with my crutches, which are already giving my hands blisters. Once in the car I try Gaby’s mobile but get no answer so I ring Mike to warn him Gaby will need him. When I enter my apartment, I feel grief. Nothing is the same as when I left it. The darkness rolls over me like a strong wave in a rough current. “Thank you, Gavin. You’re a good friend. Please let me know if you hear from Gaby.” “Is that your way of telling me to get lost?” He laughs and I give him an apologetic smile. “I’m really tired. I just want to go to bed.” “Sure. I’ll call you later. If you need anything don’t hesitate to call me, I’m really glad you’re home. I missed you; I could have done with an Antonia ass kicking these last couple weeks.” He looks to his feet and shuffles them like he’s kicking something “Really? Why don’t you pick up dinner later

and then we can have a good chat.” I offer. “I don’t want to disturb you. You need your rest.” “Don’t be silly. I will need food later and I really don’t want to cook.” “Okay, I can do that. I’ll see you later.” I watch him leave and then hobble over to my room and throw myself onto my bed. Finlay’s scent still rests in the fibers. It’s faded but invades my senses, causing tears to prick my eyes. I force myself up and tear at the sheets, pulling them off and hopping out to the kitchen to throw them in front of the washer. The room is too painful. How am I going to get through this? It hurts too much. He’s everywhere I look. I settle on the couch and let the tears come until sleep eventually claims me. My home phone is bleeping with a new message. I reach over for my watch and see that it’s eight o clock. I rub my face and click the message icon. My heart pounds when I hear Finlay’s voice.

I’m home. Let me know if Gaby contacts you. No please or hi, just distant and rude. I need to air this out with him. It’s not healthy for us carrying on like this. I gather all the artwork I’ve drawn of him and make my way up in the elevator. When the doors ping open I take a few deep breaths and open the main door. It’s unlocked and I’m relieved I don’t have to knock. Finlay is talking on the phone in the middle of the living space. “I need to call you back.” He ends the call and throws the phone on to the couch, looking at my arms full of art. I limp over to him and drop the art at his feet. The pictures scatter, flowing over the floor, and he stares down at the images of himself. “I need to speak and you need to be silent and listen.” I sound brave and confident, but I feel weak and scared. He doesn’t speak, he just stares at me with an unreadable expression. “I never knew love like what I feel for you existed. You’re sketched on my soul and I can’t draw you out.” I take a few more breaths before continuing. “I never knew true pain like this

existed until I met you, and I’ve seen my share of pain.” I laugh nervously. “But when I saw Julie dressing and trying to smooth down her matted sex hair, I died inside. The pain was literally vomit inducing ” He furrows his brow, clearly unaware that I caught her leaving. “Have you ever felt true darkness consume you, Finlay?” “Yes, I have.” “I didn’t do anything with James. I told him I love you and that I’ll never be with him and he kissed me goodbye; a peck that lasted all but seconds before I pushed him away and left.” I choke back the sob that’s threatening to break me. His breathing has become heavy and he’s paled. The need to comfort him is overwhelming but I push it back as the images of Julie flash in my mind. “I need some time to decide what I’m going to do but I feel you should know that when I was in hospital I was informed that something must have interfered with my birth control.”

His head shoots up from the floor and pierces me with his intense green eyes. I walk closer, pulling the scan picture the nurse gave me from my jeans, and I hand it to him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that could happen. I don’t expect anything, I just wanted you to know.” I turn and leave him. I cry as soon as the elevator doors close. I control the meltdown as I reach my apartment, and when I walk in, Gaby’s sitting on my couch. I hobble over to her and slip my arm around her shoulder, taking the seat next to her. Her face is red, her eyes swollen and puffy from her own tears. “I can’t go home,” she whispers. “That’s why I wasn’t in the will, wasn’t it? He took me out.” I feel so helpless. My heart is too damaged to break anymore. “He loved you. You were his little girl. I asked Finlay, and your dad didn’t have a will, Gabs, so everything just went to his sole heir. It had nothing to do with how he felt about you. And Finlay loves you more if anything. He’s going to need you. You need each other. Don’t let this change you.”

I kiss her head and she sniffles and wipes her nose along her arm. “Can I stay with you?” she asks. “Of course. I could use the company.” “I’ll go get some PJs from mine and we can order pizza and watch The Notebook,” she tells me as she gets up to head back to hers. She stops in her tracks and I follow her gaze and see Finlay standing behind me in the entrance. She runs to him and breaks down as he catches her and crushes her to him. I pull myself to my feet and rake my hand through my hair. “I love you,” he mutters and she nods her head and pulls away. “I’m going to get changed. I’ll be back,” she says before leaving us. Finlay waltzes over to me with purpose in every stride. “Is this for real, Antonia? Is my baby in there?” He points to my stomach and I look down then back to him and nod. “What did you mean when you said you don’t know what you’re going do yet?” I shake my head. Loud voices bellow from the

open front door as Gavin fills the space. Julie’s wrapped round him like poison ivy, strangling the life from him. “Change of plan, Antonia.” Gavin says, slurring and stumbling farther into my apartment. My body goes rigid as I fight the urge to attack her. “I’m not having dinner but I bought you some.” He drops a bag onto the side. “I’m going up to get laid.” He grins and the skank giggles while trying to rub parts of him I don’t need to see. “You’re not fucking taking her to mine. I warned you after last time!” Finlay shouts. “Chill out. I’ll take her to the club.” Julie gives Finlay a glare as she pulls Gavin out the door. He looks back at me and picks up the conversation as if Gavin and Julie didn’t just show up. “What did you mean Antonia? That’s my baby in there. Our baby.” “I don’t understand. Why does Gavin think it’s okay to take her to yours?” “Gavin’s staying at my apartment. His place

flooded. I thought Gaby told you. He took her engagement badly and has been hooking up with Julie ever since. I found her in my kitchen in her underwear the day you had your accident. I kicked her out. I was so angry I didn’t let her dress first. I was checking to make sure she wasn’t hanging around and that’s when I saw you and then you took off and fell.” “So you didn’t sleep with her?” “Fuck no! How could you ask that? Oh my God, is that what you thought?” I laugh with shock and it turns into a sob. How foolish we both are. All for nothing. Wasted time, heartache and pain. He closes the distance and drops to his knees in front of me. Tears fill his eyes and I look down into them. “Being without you has been like torture. I hurt so badly when I saw that text. I knew you loved me and my heart believed you would never cheat but my fucked up head and my mom’s betrayal forced me to believe the implication of that text. God, I’m so sorry.” He wraps his arms around my waist and sobs against my stomach. “Is

my baby really in there?” I bring my hands to hold his head. “Yes. Your baby is really in there.” We all have a lot of sorting out to do. We have darkness in our pasts but this is my family, my future, my light and no matter what we will always end up together. “What are you thinking, baby?” Finlay asks, looking up at me. “I’m thinking that no matter what, we belong together. I’m drawn to you.”

“YOU TOLD HIM,” GABY says to referring to the baby. She’s standing with Gavin in the doorway. “I thought you left?” I ask Gavin. “I bumped into Gaby. She was upset so I stayed.” He hiccups back at me. Finlay exhales hard but my cell making an unfamiliar noise distracts me. It’s the first time I’ve charged it since I’ve been home because of the

accident. I unplug the phone, ignoring the scene playing out behind me. When I answer the phone my legs weaken, forcing me to slip down to the floor. “I can’t believe you finally answered, bro. I’m in trouble. I need money.” I bring the phone away from my ear and look it over. It’s the same model but the chip mine has from me dropping it one time when Finlay surprised me in the kitchen is gone. The man on the phone has an evil voice. It’s the evil voice of the man who stole my life. My hands shake as I place the phone back at my ear. “James, you still owe me. I need money.” I cover my mouth to stop a scream from tearing through. I’m hyperventilating, trying to grip on to reality. “James, don’t fucking ignore me. You owe me.” Tears burn my cheeks and I finally find my voice. “How do you know James?” Silence. I don’t think he’s going to answer until he says, “Antonia?” My name on his lips twists my insides. His sick, deep laugh echoes down the link, mocking me. “Well, well. I didn’t think I would hear your sniffling cries again.”

“How do you know James? Who are you?” I scream. “You have no clue, do you? Did he even tell you he had a brother? Of course he didn’t. Our parents wouldn’t allow that.” “You’re lying. He would have said if he had a brother.” “Oh, there’s a lot he wouldn’t tell his precious Antonia, like the fact I went down for him when he raped my girlfriend.” “You’re lying,” I croak. “I may have knocked her out beforehand but he still fucked her. She cried like a child when she became conscious with his little dick inside her. He never really got over it. He’s not cut out for putting whores in their place.” I can’t breathe. “He gave me the code.” He growls down the line. “He told me that only one kid would be there and gave me the codes he took from the sticky note in your room that you keep them on, how careless and trusting you are.” “Stop,” I beg.

“He couldn’t access his own money without our parents knowing so he gave me everything I needed, and you were just a sweet fucking bonus.” “No,” I whimper. “Yes. I’ll be seeing you, Antonia, to finish what we started.” I throw the phone across the room.

THIS NEEDS TO STOP. I can’t keep letting their feelings spiral out of control. The truth will damage them both but not as much as if things progress further with them again. This fallout will have unimaginable consequences on us all but it

needs to be out in the open. Secrets are like a cancer, slowly infecting every good part until there’s nothing but decaying souls left. I hate my mother for doing this to Gaby, to my father, to me. I will be a better parent then she ever was. My Antonia is home where she belongs. I crave her beyond anything I knew possible and now she’s here with my baby growing inside her. There will be no more secrets. Antonia slips past me and goes to answer her cell in the kitchen. I can’t wait for her. Gavin is draped on Gaby and she loves his attention. I’m going to throw up. “Gavin, get off my sister.” They both glare at me. Gavin is intoxicated which makes him brave. “I don’t understand why you have such a problem with me. I sleep around, sure, but no more then you used to. I’d be good to her. I fucking love her but you forbid us to be together. Why? Why am I so bad?” I’m going to throw up or punch him out. I can’t cope with this shit. I’ve had to deal with

everything and I’m left picking up this mess. “Why!” he shouts, walking towards me. Gaby grabs at him to hold him back but he’s too strong. “Why can’t I be with her?” he roars. “Because she’s your sister!” I bark out. To be continued . . .

The people that make it happen: Stacey—Champagne Formats Kyra Lennon—Editor Beta readers—Vikki Ryan, Vicki Leaf, Terrie Arasin, Jillian Crouson–Toth, Michelle McGinty. Proof reader—Jillian Crouson—Toth. Useful links Find me here: Facebook Visit my website: http://kerdukey.com/ Contact me here Ker: [email protected] Ker’s PA : [email protected]

Other titles by Ker include: The Deception Series FaCade Cadence Beneath Innocence—Novella Empathy Series Empathy Desolate Vacant Deadly-tba The Broken Series The Broken The Broken Parts Of Us The Broken Tethers That Bind Us—Novella The Bad Blood Series The Beats In Rift The Fire In Ice—RTBA A standalone novel:

My Soul Keeper A standalone dark novel: I SEE YOU—20th July

Acknowledgements

Thank you to everyone who made this title possible. Michelle, Vicki, Vikki and my wonderful PA Terrie for being the first to read Drawn to You and giving me great feedback and courage to release. My amazing ‘stalKER’S’ street team, who work so hard and selflessly promoting me. A special mention to Kirsty Moseley who always has her ear ready for when I need to vent. Stacey and Kyra my formatter and editor, who never let me down when I drop work on them out of the blue.