Even Rhythm (Offbeat #2) - S. Moose

Table of Contents Playlist Other books by S. Moose Dedication Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39

Chapter 40 Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43 Chapter 44 Chapter 45 Epilogue Acknowledgements About the Author

Copyright Even Rhythm Book 2 in the Offbeat series Copyright © 2015 by S. Moose All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used factiously, and any resemblance to any actual person, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner. All rights reserved. Photography and cover design by Allan Spiers @ Allen Spiers Photography http://www.allanspiers.com https://www.facebook.com/AllanSpiersPhotography Interior Formatting by Cassy Roop @ Pink Ink Designs Model: Gunnar DeWitt https://www.facebook.com/pages/Gunnar-DeWitt/691299197635070 Editing by Kellie Montgomery Proofreading by Jessica Glover Blurb assistance: Carol Eastman



Wide Awake by Katy Perry Love Myself by Hailee Steinfeld Cry by Jason Walker Bumper Cars by Alex & Sierra Make It Without You by Andrew Belle She Is Love by Parachute What Are Words by Chris Medina Barefoot and Bruised by Jamestown Story Writing’s On The Wall by Sam Smith Heartbeat by Carrie Underwood Strip It Down by Luke Bryan This Time Around by Jr Aquino A Piece For You by Meaghan smith After Afterall by William Fitzsimmons Little Do You Know by Alex & Sierra Lift Me Up by Kate Viegele Hold Each Other by A Great Big World Love You Forever by Ryan Huston

Other books by S. Moose Never Letting Go series Reaching Out For You Holding Onto You Next to Forever Infinity Series Vision of Love Vision of Destiny Vision of Hope Interrupted Series Interrupted Vol 1 Interrupted Vol 2 Interrupted Vol 3 The Offbeat Series Offbeat Standalones Teach Me Love Beautiful Lessons with Rebecca Brooke Take Me Away

Dedication To everyone who has been given a second chance. Always believe and fight for what you want.

Ryan TAKING MY FINAL breath, I hear Bayleigh crying and begging me to come back. I can’t open my eyes or feel her touch. I want so badly to feel her again. I’d give anything for one more kiss. My time with her was too short. The only thing I want is for her to be strong and live a long life. She deserves all of that. Leaving this Earth isn’t my choice. It’s my time and I have to move on. At least the good thing about dying is being able to watch over my family and friends. I get to watch them live their lives and be happy while I wait in heaven for them. Looking around I see my dead body and everyone around me crying. I feel okay to be honest. I know it sounds morbid, but I feel at peace. I’m not alone anymore. For two years I went through life unsure of what I wanted or needed. Coming home to Bayleigh, and to my family, was the best decision I made. I’m not leaving with unanswered questions or feeling unsettled. Turning away, I walk down a dark road. I look around and everything’s blank. There’s no light or indication of where to go. “Where the hell’s that light?” I mutter as I keep wandering around. It’s weird. There’s a feeling I can’t describe. I walk and walk, with no end in sight. “Hello? Light? Where the fuck are you?” Shit, I think. Am I going to hell? Running down the road, I see an empty building and rush inside. Pushing open the door, I’m in a rose garden. The sun is shining and there’s a bench underneath a tree. Maybe this is heaven. Walking to the bench, I sit down and place my hands on my knees. I get to see my dad. Maybe he’s waiting for me somewhere or I’m supposed to wait here for him. I’m not sure how much time passes. The sun is still out and people are walking around with smiles on their faces, and strolling on with their day. “Sir?” I look over and see an adorable girl with bright blue eyes and long blonde hair. She looks familiar. “Sir?” she asks again and this time I see tears forming in her eyes. “Hi sweetheart.” I smile and get up from the bench, kneeling down on one knee and placing my hand on her shoulder. “What’s your name?” She shrugs and wipes her eyes. “Are you lost?” “I think so,” she whispers. Her eyes are still on me. “I don’t know where my mommy and daddy are. No one’s helping me.” “Where did you last see them?” “I’m . . . I’m not sure. Can you help me please?” I look around again to see if I can get anyone’s attention and help us. Only, no one is looking in our direction. We’re standing here, in a crowd, but no one is stopping to say hello or offering help. “How long have you been lost?” “I’m not sure. What’s your name?” “Ryan,” I tell her. “It’s Ryan.” “Okay, Ryan.” She holds out her hand and I take it. “Let’s go find my mommy and daddy.” “Sounds good, sweetheart.”

Bayleigh RIGHT BEFORE MY eyes, I’m looking at what I can’t deny. “Are you sure these are right?” Mandy asks, looking at each test resting on the counter. “There are such things as false positives right?” “So all twenty are wrong?” I shout, throwing my arms in the air. “How can this happen?” “Well,” Mandy starts to say, “When two people have sex without protection, and it’s hot and heavy with moaning, lots of moaning, then a baby happens.” I see the smirk on her face and all I want to do is smack it off. “This isn’t funny, Mandy. I am pregnant with my ex’s baby, who by the way, hasn’t talked to me in over two months, so what the fuck do you suggest I do?” “Language, Murphy! I don’t want my future niece or nephew to be around that potty mouth of yours.” She touches my stomach and I swat her hand away. “You aren’t helping,” I seethe. “What do I do?” I swallow the lump in my throat I’ve been fighting since seeing the twenty positive results. I force myself to say something, anything, and nothing comes out. I’m not sure what to think or what to say. I’m twenty-three years old, finally on my own, and I’m pregnant with my ex boyfriend’s There’s no reason for him to come back to Rochester either. We went baby. This isn’t the life I want. How can I raise a baby on my own? My mind swirls thinking about doing this alone; even though I won’t be alone, I will be alone. Meaning I’ll have my friends and I’m sure my parents will be back, but who’ll be with me through the night and when baby decides to kick or what will happen when baby is born and it’s just the two of us? Being alone is a choice and since Tyler and I aren’t on speaking terms, he’ll most likely be upset about the pregnancy. I’m choosing this road to avoid confrontation and stress. I groan. Getting your period every month is healthy-that’s what we’re taught. If you miss a month then maybe you’re stressed and you need to be calmer. My periods and I are never on the same page. I didn’t think anything of it until I realized how late I’ve been. My period is always irregular. When I miss my period, I shrug it off like it’s no big deal. Only this time, I felt weird and tired all the time. I stopped taking my birth control after me and Tyler broke up the first time. I didn’t think I needed it since I wasn’t planning on having sex. Then it happened. We had sex. Without a condom. And I wasn’t taking my pills. It all makes sense. Standing in silence with my best friend, I lower myself to the bathroom floor,

bringing my knees to my chest, and letting out a defeated sigh. “I’m pregnant.” “You are sweetie.” She joins me on the floor. “What are you going to do?” Tears sting my eyes. I have no idea what I’m going to do. Tyler and I haven’t talked since he left for California again. I didn’t want to bring down his future. He’s going to be so mad when he finds out and it’s going to cause even more pain between us. There’s the possibility he’s going to think the baby is Ryan’s and I don’t want that argument or even hear him accuse me of that. I’m not sure what the right thing to do is. It’s not like I can call him out of the blue and tell him. There’s no reason for him to come back to Rochester either. We went our separate ways and living our own lives. Things happened between us that neither can let go. If I tell him I’m pregnant he might use that against me to keep him. Sometimes when men find out their ex is pregnant, they automatically think it was planned from the start to keep them around. I never planned for this to happen. The night we had sex I didn’t think about it. Now that I’m pregnant I have to be smarter. I have to do what’s right for our baby. Maybe I can be strong enough to have the baby on my own. I have my friends and my parents shouldn’t be gone too much longer. Then I think about how Ryan and Tyler didn’t have their dad and how devastating it was. I can’t do that to our baby. He needs to be present and involved. Maybe we’ll be a family or maybe we’ll be best friends and raise our baby together. Together. We’ll be together. Baby, Bayleigh, and Tyler. Clenching the last pregnancy test in my hand, tears sting my eyes again. I’m breathing hard and a piece of me feels like it’s missing. “What am I going to do?” I whisper, looking at Mandy. “I think you know what you have to do, sweetie. It’s going to be hard.” I nod my head, agreeing with her. “But why do I have a feeling you’re not going to listen to me?” “Because if he ever comes back, I don’t want him to be with me because I’m pregnant. I’ll tell him in a few months. I can’t tell him now.” I’m okay with this decision. I have to let the life-altering news sink in and figure out what I need to do. Touching my stomach, feeling the life we created, puts a smile on my face. The strength and fight I have inside me needs to remain unwavering. I can’t fall because it’s not just me. I have my baby to love and care for. If I don’t take care of myself, then I could possibly destroy my child’s life before him or her has even had a chance to live. “I’m going to be strong for you, baby. I promise.”



Tyler THE CALIFORNIA WAVES crash along the shore, pulling away and retreating only to come right back. My feelings are like the waves, and right now, I’m drowning. Since the start of everything: the rape, the breakup, trying to win Bayleigh back, helping her overcome her fears, losing my brother, and losing Bayleigh again, I don’t remember a time I haven’t been broken. I should be used to feeling this way. If only I could find my even rhythm and have things be the way it should. Only I don’t know what that is anymore. I used to think my life would be with Bayleigh and, by now, we’d have our forever. That’s not how the world and life works. Sitting out here, with a glass of whiskey in my hand, leaning forward and resting my forearms on my thighs, I think about her. I think about our last encounter and the tone of her voice when she told me goodbye. My heart physically aches knowing she’s three thousand miles away. My heart misses her and I replay her words in my head. I’m fighting to hear something to convince myself to go back. I rub my forehead and curse under my breath. I don’t know if going back to Rochester is the right thing to do. There’s nothing left for me at home. Ryan’s gone and my mom’s in Colorado. We’re dealing with Ryan’s death, and I couldn’t bring myself to stay and be there for her. It was an easy decision for her to make, moving to Colorado, and leaving the house to me. She spent time with me in California for a few weeks before we took the drive to my aunt and uncle’s. Their house is big enough and my mom feels good being around family. I miss her and it sucks knowing my mom is far away. I get her leaving. Losing a child is something time and love can never heal. What brings her peace is knowing Ryan’s with our dad and I’m here with her. Part of me wants to move to Colorado and start over out there with her. We can start over and leave the bad memories behind. Only if I do that, I’ll truly be away from Bayleigh. There are so many unanswered questions and being away for as long as I have doesn’t make it easier. My chest tightens and sobs rack me. I feel like my life stopped that night with her, and I’m only living because I’m breathing, if you can call this living. The hotel room is empty and bare. Serena and Chad are worried about me. They want me to go out to dinner with them tonight and celebrate my last day. Giving what’s going on, Brian’s giving me some time off from work before I have to be back in the Rochester office. I got the promotion, and instead of celebrating, I’m keeping to myself. I’ve been too upset and angry since coming back from New York two months ago. Burying myself in work, trying to forget about her, and I’m constantly fighting the demons of guilt for not spending enough time with my brother. The anger and hate I had consumed me. I spent two years refusing to talk to him and never made an effort to find out where he was or how he was doing. Maybe if I reached out to him and checked on him, we could have found the tumor faster. He went to the appointments and hospitals by himself. There was no one with him to comfort him and tell him everything would be okay. When he came back to town, I punched him and wanted him to leave. I blamed him for ruining my chances with Bayleigh. I blamed him for all the wrong in my life. The days I spent hating him, wishing he wasn’t here, and then he was gone.

Now I’ll never get a chance to see him. Losing someone you love is one of the hardest things to get over. Mix in regret and you have a recipe for disaster. A loud knock gets my attention. I ignore it and look straight ahead. The knocking continues and gets louder. Turning my head, I get up and walk through the hotel room. Whoever is at the door better have a good reason to be here. I don’t want company or need anyone to talk to me. I reach the doorknob and jerk the door open to find a sassy, tall, blonde before me. “Mandy. What do you want?” She pushes herself in and sits on the couch. “Hi Tyler. We need to talk.” “I’m good,” I tell her, and walk to the bar. Pouring myself another glass of whiskey, I grip the counter and take a few deep breaths. The pain of seeing Mandy brings back images of Bayleigh. Seeing her reminds me of what’s gone. That night, her voice, and the way she let me go. The mark of our breakup and will forever haunt me. “Tyler.” I’ve known Mandy since high school. She’s Bayleigh’s best friend. Her sidekick and the one person she trusts more than anyone in this world. We have a special bond because of our love for Bayleigh. She’s a great person and I consider her one of my good friends. Only right now I don’t see her in that way. She’s standing next to me with a sad expression on her face. “What? What do you want me to say?” “Are you coming back?” she asks in a panicked tone and I have to turn away. I shrug and drink my whiskey. “I’m heading to Colorado to see my mom for a little, and then I don’t know. Why? Why do I need to be back, Mandy?” Mandy clears her throat and walks back to the couch. “You need to come back, Tyler.” “For what? Huh? She pushed me away, then falls in love with Ryan and now she doesn’t want anything to do with me because for some unknown fucking reason she blames herself.” There’s no reason to pretend I’m okay or sugarcoat the truth. “I’m tired. I’m tired of her not realizing what she means to me and what I mean to her. I don’t know how much more I can take. There’s only so much my heart can take.” Even though I want to know how she’s doing, I can’t bring myself to go back there. Not yet. “Is she okay?” “It’s not my story to tell,” she responds. “I mean, she’s not depressed or anything and not like before. A lot is going on and I think it’s best you come home to help her.” “I don’t know the road to her anymore, Mandy. Don’t you understand how hard this has been for everyone? My brother is dead. My mom is in another state and I’m not sure what to do about Bayleigh. She hasn’t reached out to me and every time I try to call her I freeze and change my mind. So what am I supposed to do?” I look at her, seeing that she’s about to answer. “Don’t answer that.” “I get it. You and Bayleigh have been through almost everything good and bad. Those moments, the ones you go through with her, are the moments that make you stronger. I think you should come back and face the music, Ty. Neither of you will make the first step. If you love her and think for one second there’s a chance then fight.” “Why do I have to fight for her? It feels like I’m the only one who does.” Taking a seat on a chair, I hang my head and fight the overwhelming voices in my head. My head and heart are telling me two different things. Go to her. Forget her. What voice do I listen to? Slowly getting up and walking to the hotel mini bar, I pour myself another glass of scotch and sit back down. There are too many things in the way of going back to her. The unanswered questions should be and need to be answered, and maybe one more chance won’t ultimately kill me.

I’ve always been a man who fights and rarely backs down. This time we’ve hurt each other, and I want to know if she can forgive herself. I need to let her know I’ve forgiven her. Hearing how alone she is and sinking back to her old ways doesn’t sit well. I can be the hero and save her, or the villain and leave her be. “How much hurt can I take? How much hurt can I cause her? Even though it kills me to be away from her, I think it’s the best thing.” Talking about this again forces the pain to crack inside. The air becomes thick and my lungs are closing. My throat constricts and I’m gripping tightly to get in a breath. “You made a mistake, just like she did.” “Yeah,” I agree. “She needs you, Tyler. Even though she won’t admit it now. She needs you.” “What’s wrong with her?” “That’s her story to tell . . .” “No!” I scream, “What’s wrong with her, Mandy?” “She’s going through a lot and she’s alone! We’re trying to be there for her and you know how she is. She pushes and pushes until she can’t and shuts down.” Mandy pauses and I don’t respond. “You guys haven’t seen each other since September and now it’s almost the end of November. Seriously, come on. Tyler, I know you’re hurt and you want to be away. If you love her like I know you love her, then come back home. Be there for her and help her get through this.” My heart’s racing. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I’d cross oceans, mountains and walk through the burning depths of hell to see her smile. This time I can be the hero again and fight for her. I can fight and make her see she’s never alone. If life were a card game, and I’m holding a good hand, then I should play it. In this situation, my chances are in my favor. Time and space were given to both of us and I’m not going in with an angry tone or face. “Okay. I’ll be home soon.”



Tyler THE NEXT MORNING, Mandy and I have breakfast at the hotel. I slept on the pull out couch in the living room and let her take my bed. All throughout the night, my mind drifted to Bayleigh. It took so much of me to not text her and tell her I’m coming back home for good. In a lot of ways I think I had to stop myself because I didn’t want to know what her response would be. If she didn’t respond that would wreck me and if she did and it wasn’t an answer I wanted, I’d be pissed. So to prevent any more anger, I stayed away and laid on the couch thinking about her. “So, I never really asked you what happened with you and Bayleigh the last time you talked to her. She doesn’t talk about it. I’ve tried pulling it out of her. But when I bring it up, her face goes blank. I know you slept with Anna and that sucks. I get why you did it, while on the other hand I don’t.” “It’s hard to explain. I was lonely and desperate. I wanted to feel like someone wanted me. For two years I fought for her, Mandy. I tried to make her see we were meant for each other, then I find out she’s in love with my brother? It was all too much. Anna was there and I took advantage of the situation.” “But you love Bayleigh.” I nod my head. “Have you talked to Anna?” “No. She knows what happened was a mistake and she’s keeping her distance. The time away is helping me let what happened two months ago sink in. I mean who knows, maybe life will throw me a lifesaver to pull me up, and when I stand again, I’ll see her.” “What makes you think everything will be okay when you go back?” “Well that’s the thing,” I pause and think about what I want to say, playing around with the eggs on my plate. “I’m not sure how things will go. She might slam the door in my face and ignore me. Or she’ll tell me to go back. Or she’ll welcome me back with open arms. Last night I did some thinking and I love her. She’s the one for me. I’m going to fight for her. I won’t give up until she forgives me. Our relationship won’t be easy and I’m okay with that. We’ve never been through anything like this. Before the rape we were perfect. Too perfect, and we got used to being that way. It’s impossible to find the love we have. I’ve fallen for her and I’ll never be able to stand life without her.” I let the words I said sink in. I want it all with her. I want the flaws, the mistakes and the crazy that comes along with our relationship. In all the chaos and mess surrounding our lives I know she’s it for me and I don’t seek to find love because I have it. I have her. Being with Anna, and the other girls in California don’t measure up with Bayleigh. We’re facing the toughest storm and when I get back, hopefully the disaster will pass and we’ll be holding hands. “I think you coming back will help her. She’s so alone and confused. It sucks seeing her light disappear again. I’m scared she’s going to revert back to her old ways. Like before.” My heart sinks hearing what’s going on with Bayleigh. There’s a small piece of me that doesn’t feel anything. This is what she wanted. After leaving Rochester, and coming back to California, even though I thought about her, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her. Talking to her meant missing her and those emotions being real. I didn’t want to think about her all the time. And now hearing that she’s miserable,

and alone, the overpowering feeling of needing to protect her takes over. “Yeah,” I mutter, “Time can only tell.” We finish our breakfast and head to my car so I can bring her to the airport. It was nice to see her and have one on one time. Driving her to the airport, we talk more about Bayleigh, and she fills me in about her upcoming wedding to Damon Ridge. Heading to the hotel after dropping Mandy off, I step off the elevator and into the hotel room. Throwing the keys and my wallet on the table, I walk outside to the balcony. I’m physically and mentally exhausted. I feel lost, more than I have in my entire life. If I go back to Rochester and she doesn’t want me there, then what? The exhaustion and loneliness lingers. Getting up from the chair, I grip the railing and keep my eyes on the ocean. I’m on the edge and I’m hoping to, for once, be surprised. Walking back inside, I change into sweatpants and get in bed. Lying in bed, thinking about her, I let tears fall down my face. How can I go back and make things right? As toxic as we were, maybe now things are different, now that we’ve had time to think about things and grow as individuals. Maybe now we’re stronger, and can smooth out the issues from before. My breath stills and my mind races. There are too many what-ifs going on and not enough answers. Focusing my attention on the white wall, I grab my phone from the nightstand and twirl it in my hands. Shoving a rough hand through my hair, I flip on my side, still unsure about what to do. The next morning, I look at my phone and there’s nothing. I let hope take over, thinking my conversation with Mandy would ignite something in Bayleigh. Looking over at the empty space next to me, I decide to stay in bed for a little longer. My phone rings and immediately I answer without looking. “Bay.” “No, honey. Sorry.” I sigh, “Hi Mom. Sorry about that. How are you?” “I’m holding it together, son. How are you doing?” “Oh fine,” I lie. I don’t want her to worry. “Carrie told me about your promotion. I’m so proud of you Tyler. You’ve been working so hard lately and you deserve this. We’re all proud of you.” “Thanks Mom. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I know you’re going through a lot . . .” “Stop right there,” she tells me. “We lost Ryan. We did, Tyler. Not just me and not just you. We’re still a family and you are my son. You’re my baby. Anything that happens to you, the good and bad, I want to know. I don’t want to hear about your accomplishments and downfalls from someone else. I want you to call me and tell me so we can celebrate together.” “I know you’re in pain right now, Mom,” I tell her, fighting back my emotions. “And I know things aren’t easy. I need you, but I don’t want to be a burden.” “Tyler,” she cries. “You are not a burden. Please don’t think that okay?” “Okay.” I hear her sniffling and it kills me that I’m causing her to cry and I’m not there to hold her. She’s my mom and I’m all she has left. “Are you coming here?” “Ah about that mom. I don’t think I’ll be there until Christmas, if that’s okay.” “As long as you bring Bayleigh. It’s fine,” I hear the smile in her voice. “Go back home, Tyler. Fight for what you want. Things right now don’t seem fair, and you’re lost. It’s normal. When you love someone as much as you love Bayleigh, then you fight until she sees what’s in front of her. You fight and you show her your love.” “Thanks Mom. I needed to hear that. Yes, we will be there for Christmas.”

I have four weeks to convince Bayleigh we belong together. My heart’s racing thinking about the possibility of us together. There’s still a small chance we’ll be together. I have to hold on to that. She may hate me and be upset over what happened with Anna, but I accept that. I accept her pushing me away because I did the unthinkable. I’ll do anything to convince her to forgive me. I’ll show her how strong my love is and I’ll beg her to take me back. Not wanting to stay in my hotel room, I change into my workout clothes and head down to the gym. Grabbing my phone, I text Mandy to make sure she’s okay. Mandy: Still stranded in Atlanta. I can’t believe there are no direct flights Me: Yeah it sucks. You’re okay though? Mandy: Dandy. Should be boarding soon. Me: Okay good. If you need anything let me know. Mandy: Thanks, Tyler. So we’ll see you soon? Me: Yes Putting my phone in my pocket, I walk into the gym and hop on the treadmill. Starting my Pandora, I put in my ear buds and run. I love the feeling in my legs and pushing through a good workout. Since being alone here and not going out, I find myself in the gym most days. I’m running for the first twenty minutes or so and then head to the weights. The hotel gym isn’t the greatest with machines. For now it’ll do. When I get home, I’ll sign up for a membership at a gym. Finishing my workout, I decide to swim for a while. Walking in, I notice it’s only myself here and I like it that way. Jumping in, I swim a few laps and push my body to exhaustion. It feels good being here alone. In the water I can clear my head and think about what I’m going to do when I’m back in Rochester.



Bayleigh “YOU HAVE TO EAT something,” Seth urges and bumps my shoulder. I stir my soup with a spoon and lean back on the sofa, bringing my legs up and under me. Holding the bowl of soup in my hands, I blow the strands of hair out of my face and take a small sip. Taking a look around my new apartment, I smile and eat more of my soup. A few weeks after losing Ryan, I decided it was time to move out of my parents’ house and get my own place. Luckily, Mandy still had time on her lease so I’m living in her old apartment while she’s living with Damon. “Thank you for being here,” I smile. “It means a lot. You’ve been there for me since Tyler left.” Seth, one of the partners at the firm, has been my shoulder and rock for the past two months. We got close after he found out about Ryan’s death. He listens more than he gives advice and that’s what I need. I have Mandy and Damon to give me advice, and my parents, but right now I need someone to hold my hand and listen. Seth pats my knee, “I like spending time with you. Have you heard from him?” I shake my head. “Are you going to talk to him?” “Not right now. A lot of shit is going on,” I mutter. “It’s hard, and I want a little more time to gather my thoughts.” Seth knows almost everything that’s going on. It’s easy talking to him, and trusting him. Since Tyler left and Ryan passed away, I’m realizing how short life truly is and I’m tired of pushing people away. It’s not going to happen tomorrow, or the next day, but I’m slowly feeling good again. The first thing I need to do is make things right with Tyler. I wish things could be different. I wish Tyler would come back and we could build our friendship again. However, I don’t think that’ll happen. He’s been through so much, and I don’t see him coming back from California. An internal war of what I should do wages on. One side is screaming to fight and the other side is screaming defeat. I should go and fight for him. My heart squeezes thinking about jumping on a plane and landing in California. Knowing how much pain we’re both in, and remembering the way we left things, really hurts. But would it help anything? Pain hits me, causing the bowl of soup to drop. I wince in agony, holding my stomach, crying for help. “Shh,” Seth takes me in his arms. “Bayleigh, what’s wrong?” he frantically asks me. “Please talk to me; what’s wrong?” “Just a bad cramp. I promise. It’s a bad cramp. I think I’m getting my period,” I say through my crying and gritted teeth. “Can you get me a heating pad? It’s in my room in my closet.” “Okay. Okay.” The pain is getting worse. I slow my breathing and hold my stomach, hoping the pain will pass. Nothing is helping. The stabbing pain gets worst and I’m on my side, in the fetal position, protectively

holding my stomach. I know it’s more than a cramp. Seth rushes downstairs to the kitchen and I hear him pushing the buttons on the microwave, cursing under his breath. The pain slows down after a few moments and I reach into my hoodie pocket to get my phone. I think about texting Tyler, begging him to come back. Only I stop myself. I can’t finish the words I so desperately want to say. “I’m back,” he says and places the heating pad on my stomach. “Feeling better?” “Yeah. A little,” I force myself to laugh. “Thanks for being here. You’re like the male version of Mandy.” “Ugh please don’t say that,” he smiles. “I’ll be on the other couch okay?” I nod, and hold the phone in my hand, struggling to make the decision to text him or not. It’s been months since we’ve talked, and I’m not sure how he’s doing or what’s going on. I’m partially to blame. If only I had the courage to start a conversation, but I don’t. With Mandy out of town and my parents helping Moira out in Colorado, Seth is taking it upon himself to stay with me and make sure I’m okay. It’s nice to not be alone. I rest my hand on my stomach, remembering the life inside me and praying everything is okay. The pain comes and goes. It doesn’t last long. My first appointment with my obstetrician is coming up and Mandy’s coming with me. She’s the only person who knows and Damon too. Saying it aloud makes it real. I know I’m pregnant, but there’s something different when you say it and talk about it. Finding out that I’m pregnant opened my eyes. Not only do I have to be strong and healthy for me, it’s for my baby too. Before I was too stubborn and scared, because I was hurt and I gave up. I gave up because I didn’t feel like I deserved love or passion. I’m terrified and excited to be a mom. I have no idea what to expect or what’s about to come. Before finding out about my baby, I went with the motions and struggled with life. Between the rape, getting over what he did to me, my breakup with Tyler and losing Ryan, things have been really hard. Maybe being pregnant is my blessing in disguise. Maybe it’s showing me how strong I can be. Now I know what I want. Even though I can’t delete what’s been said or done, I can learn from the mistakes and prepare myself for what I deserve. I deserve Tyler Scott and our baby deserves a father. Touching my stomach, I smile. There’s only one good thing that came out of the dark days of our lives. “I love you.” Closing my eyes, I dream about Tyler holding our baby and things are good. Things are the way they should be. The morning goes by fast and after talking to my parents, I feel a little better. Throughout the conversation, the words I’m pregnant were right on the tip of my tongue. I don’t know when I’ll have the courage to tell anyone else before I tell Tyler. Putting on my jacket and boots, I get in my car and head to one of my favorite places to be. It seems morbid, but in so many ways, it’s not. Driving to the cemetery, I hold back my tears and park the car, grabbing the flowers from the passenger seat. Taking the long walk to the far end of the cemetery, I sit down in front of Ryan’s tombstone and place my hand on his name. “Hi Ry,” I wipe my tears, and set down the flowers. “So Mandy went to California to talk to Tyler. I know I should’ve gone too. I’m not ready to talk to him or tell him anything. I’m so scared. I’ve never been this scared in my life and here I am about to embark on a new path and I have no one.” I laugh lightly, “You’re going to be an uncle. Don’t worry though, because he or she will know about you and how much you would have loved them. They’ll know you like we do and everything will always be okay.” I sigh and bring my knees up to my chest. “Can you see me right now?” I tilt my head to the clear skies and close my eyes, feeling the warmth of his presence near me. “I can see you,” I mutter. Sitting here with Ryan helps me. It’s my own therapy session. I come here almost every day and talk to him about what’s going on and what I should do. I know I won’t get a response from him. It’s nice being

here. “What do you think I should do?” Silence. I look around and see the leaves in the trees blow a little. The light breeze in the air feels nice. Sucking in a deep breath, I blow out the air and relax my body. My tense shoulders feel better and the weight on my chest isn’t there anymore. Chewing on my bottom lip, I play with the leaves around me. “I have to wait to tell him, you know? I’m not sure if he’s going to come back home from California. The right thing is to tell him. Only I’ve ruined his life enough.” Leaves fall on my shoulders and tumble in front of me. I smile. “I know you hate this plan,” I laugh. “It’s something I have to do.” More leaves fall. Getting up I spin around, holding my arms out, and pretend Ryan’s spinning with me. “I’ll see you later, Ry. I miss you and love you.” Leaning over to kiss his tombstone, I stare at his name. Turning to leave, I walk back to my car and make the drive home. Settling in my room, I pull out my MacBook and look up information for Mandy’s upcoming wedding. Being her Maid of Honor it’s my duty to make sure she has the best wedding and everything goes well. The day is coming soon and I’m excited to see my best friend have the wedding of her dreams. According to Damon, nothing is too expensive for his girl. I swoon thinking about how sweet he is to her and I’m glad he finally got his head out of his ass and made it official. Confirming her upcoming appointments, I finish my planning and text her sister, Alice, to let her know what I’ve done. We’re planning a trip to Vegas in the next few weeks. A surprise for Mandy. Instead of having just the girls, we’re doing a coed party and have all the rooms reserved at the Aria hotel. I’m a little nervous about going. It’s Vegas, which means partying, drinking and losing control. Only I can’t do anything of that nature so I’ll be pool side, enjoying the shows and taking in the day life of Vegas. My phone vibrates and it’s a message from Mandy. Mandy: I’m finally freaking home! Me: Yeah Damon told Seth you were pissed about being stuck. Glad you’re okay. Do you want to get lunch or something today? Mandy: Yeah let me get some rest. Maybe do dinner instead? Me: Sure. I’m going over some things for your wedding then probably will squeeze in a nap. Mandy: Be sure you’re getting enough sleep and that you’re okay! Me: I promise I’m okay. Mandy: Side note . . . I’M GETTING MARRIED SOON! Me: I know =) <3 I smile and put down my phone on my nightstand. Feeling tired from today’s events, I slide under the covers and settle on my bed. I can’t get comfortable. My mind plays all the possibilities of what’ll happen when Tyler finds out or the possibility I can’t handle being pregnant and being a mom. The next few months are going to be exhausting if I let my mind take over. *** MAKING MY WAY into the office on a Monday morning is rough. I settle behind my desk and get to work. Slowly sipping my black coffee, I check the emails and respond to the ones I can, and make a note of those that are requesting Damon’s time. With the upcoming wedding, we’re trying to get his meetings planned and out of the way before they take their three month honeymoon to Hawaii. “Knock, knock!” I look up and see Mandy coming in with breakfast. My mouth salivates as the smell of my omelet with home fries fills my nose. “Morning sunshine!” “Morning to you too.” Handing me my bag of deliciousness, I take out the container and devour

everything in sight. “Hey! They forgot my avocado,” I pout. Mandy rolls her eyes and slowly eats her egg-white omelet with veggies. “How are you feeling?” “Fine,” I grumble, still upset over my avocado. The menu clearly states what’s included, yet some knucklehead didn’t add a very important ingredient. If people paid attention, then customers would always be happy. “Why?” “You look exhausted.” “Gee thanks. Or in other words, I look like shit,” I smirk and grab a bottle of water from my mini fridge. “Honestly I feel fine. I don’t know how else to feel.” I don’t want to worry her at all. Things are okay and I’m happy. I’m fine. Just a few moments of discomfort and sleeping over ten hours a day. Other than that, I’m fine. Perfectly fine. “I worry about you, Bay. You don’t talk about Tyler, Ryan or how you’re feeling. I don’t know what’s going on with you and it scares me.” “Mandy,” I start to say. “I’m okay, I promise. Things are so good and I’m really okay.” I hate lying to her. I hate not telling my best friend everything. The guilt eats me away. She knows I’m pregnant and I’ll tell Tyler soon. I can’t tell her about the pains I’m feeling. There’s a smile tugging on her lips as she looks at me. I know she knows I’m lying. Only Mandy knows I won’t ruin her wedding plans. I refuse to let my issues get in the way of her time and my attention will not be waivered. “Oh and I’m going to cancel Vegas.” “What?” I screech, “Why? Please don’t say it’s because of me. I don’t have to go.” “Because it’ll be fine. We talked and we’re not into the whole let’s get wasted until we’re dead, plus I think a nice dinner party is better. Damon’s totally fine with it. You know he’s not a huge party guy and I don’t want to have a bachelorette party. Maybe for my dirty thirty we can plan on Vegas.” I grumble whatever under my breath and turn away to focus on work. “Fine. I’ll tell Alice and we’ll find a place. How does Black and Blue sound?” “Perfect,” she sighs and leans back in the chair. “But you are sure everything is okay?” “Yes, Mandy. Everything is wonderful. Now go along now, I have a meeting to get ready for.” Mandy comes around and kisses the top of my head before leaving my office. I turn around just as the door closes and slump low in my chair.



Tyler PACKING THE LAST of my things, I look around the hotel room and look at nothing in particular. The walls are an off white and there are elaborate paintings hanging on the walls. One is above the couch in the living room, a sunset over the ocean, and another is higher on the wall above the TV. It’s a mosaic of different colors-blue, gray, white and black. I look at that painting a lot, while working, drinking, or thinking. The colors give me comfort. I’m not sure why and I don’t question it. Calling the front desk to send up someone to help me with my bags, I grab my carry on and laptop bag and make sure I have my flight information. A knock on the door gets my attention. Walking to the door, I reach for the doorknob and find someone I didn’t want to see or talk to. “What are you doing here?” “You’re leaving without saying bye?” Her eyes are red and her face free of make-up. Seeing her in front of me is doing nothing to help the situation. When I see her, I see the mistakes and I see Bayleigh. I shouldn’t have allowed my dick to take control. I should’ve avoided her and told her to leave. However, my dick won and now I’m paying the price. “There’s nothing left to say. I told you from the start I didn’t want anything more. I’m sorry if you thought us sleeping together would make me want you. I don’t want you, Anna. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you.” “Isn’t there anything I can do to make you stay? We belong together. You can’t leave me, Tyler. I’ll be so alone without you,” she cries, covering her mouth. “Please.” “I am leaving, Anna. It’s time you move on with your life and get it out of your head that we have a future.” I don’t feel bad for being a dick to her. She needs to hear these words. “I don’t love you. I don’t like you.” I lean in closer, “I used you for sex. Now get out.” “Not until you know what’s going on.” I roll my eyes. My patience with her is getting out of control. “What?” “I love you, Tyler. I want us to be together. I will do anything to have you in my life. I mean anything. Please think about it. There’s no way she can make you happy. Who was here for you when you felt alone? I was and I still am. I know you’re confused, but I know deep inside you know I’m the one for you.” She steps closer to me, and reaches for my hand. I pull away. “Stop,” I sink my eyes into her. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” “I know that I can make you happy,” she touches my arm and I pull away again, hate clear on my face. This bitch is crazy. “Get out, Anna.” “No, please there’s so much I need to tell you.” “When are you going to get it?” “Can I at least come in? Can we talk?”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I tell her. “I’m leaving and I don’t plan on coming back. You told me everything you want to and it doesn’t change anything. You were a fuck. A one-time thing.” “So you’re really leaving?” I don’t respond. “How dare you?” She slaps me across the face and looks at me. Her lips are quivering, “I gave you everything. I gave you my body and my heart and this is how you repay me?” I don’t say anything. “You heartless bastard.” The look on her face doesn’t make me feel bad. She cries and turns away, running down the hall, away from my life. Closing the door, I straighten my clothes and wait to for my taxi to bring me to the airport. After getting through security I scan the waiting area where my plane is and then sit down in a chair by the charge station. Getting out my blueberry muffin and opening my energy drink I pull out my laptop and surf around on Facebook to pass the time. Going through my newsfeed I come across Bayleigh’s page and click her name. It brings me to her profile and I read some of the statuses she’s posted. It’s pretty normal I guess, just talking about her day or getting ready for Mandy and Damon’s wedding. There’s a post that catches my eye. It’s a quote. Through the darkness, a light shines from the corners, making life worth it and the fight to keep going grows. I read the quote a few more times and wonder what she’s talking about. Getting my phone I bring up her name and send her a text asking how she’s doing. I won’t tell her I’m coming home. If I tell her then she’ll think of ways to not see me or make excuses. I want to surprise her, and hope it’s going to be a good surprise. I see her texting back, then it stops and I wait a few more minutes before locking my phone and going back mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. When the attendant calls for me to board I put away my things and get in line. Walking through the jet way to first class I find my seat fairly quickly and sit down. I check my phone again and there’s no message from Bayleigh. Taking it as a defeat I pull up my music app, put in my ear buds, and do my best to fall asleep. The plane lands without any issues and I take a cab home. I text my mom and let her know I’m home and made it safely. After paying the driver, I head inside only to find silence and emptiness. The house is cold, and the once lively and happy place is now full of memories I don’t want to think about. I climb the stairs two at a time and open Ryan’s bedroom door. His room remains the same and memories of the day he died come back to me. Stepping inside I touch the cold blankets and look around his room. It’s a weird feeling to be in here knowing he won’t be home again. “Hey brother,” I whisper, sitting on top of his bed. “I’m back and I hope you can show me what the hell I need to do to make things right because I’m fucking lost.” I wait for a response, and I hear nothing. “Well, a sign would be helpful asshole,” I laugh and turn away. Being in his room is marking me deeper than I want to admit. It’s hard being in this house and I’m wondering if it’s smart. I never thought I’d lose my brother and never see him again. I could handle hating him and knowing he was out there somewhere. His death is tragic and unexpected. Part of me wants to hide myself from the pain and I don’t want to lose anyone close to me again. I know death is part of life, but how is death okay when you haven’t lived? It’s not okay. Death shouldn’t be sudden. Not being able to stay in the room I get up and leave. Putting away my things and straightening the house, I head outside to do yard work. Looking at Bayleigh’s house, at her bedroom window, then at the tree and thinking about all of the times I climbed up the tree to get to her. Part of me is sad she’s not living there, while the other part is happy she’s moved on with her life. That’s what I want for her. She needs to be on her own and take control of her life. The rape messed her up and I was afraid she’d never come out of her funk. As much as I wished I could have helped it, it was Ryan who brought her back. Part of me will always be jealous. The other part, the greater part, will remain forever grateful. Finishing up the yard work, I head back inside and try to figure out what I want for dinner. Looking through some old menus from the kitchen drawer nothing is appealing. I think about going to Wegmans and picking up an already prepared meal. Instead of thinking about food I toss around the idea of going to see

her now. My phone vibrates in my jeans and I grab it, hoping it’s Bayleigh. Mandy: We’re having a small dinner at Damon’s tonight. Love for you to come If she’s having a party tonight, that means Bayleigh will be there. Me: Will it be a good idea? Mandy: Yes. You are my best friend too =) Me: Sounds good Mandy: Party starts at 6:30pm. Dress nicely! Me: Haha okay It’s now or never. I’d rather see her around our friends so she doesn’t think I’m ambushing her. Maybe tonight will be good and we’ll start working on us again. I finish getting ready and head out to Damon’s. I put the address into my GPS and take the short ride down the road to his house. It’s in a nice and rich neighborhood. These houses cost more than a million dollars. Parking my car, I look at the massive house and notice the cars- all sports cars and top of the line. My eyes search for Bayleigh’s and I don’t see it. She wouldn’t miss this party, so I know she’s here. Ringing the doorbell I wait on the porch, my hands in my suit pockets, waiting for someone to answer the door. When the door opens, my heart drops. It’s been two months since I’ve seen her, and touched her. Two months since our breakup, and I’ve been feeling lost without her. I soak in the sight of her before me. She’s thinner and looks tired. Even though she’s beautifully dressed with a dark purple dress and her hair and makeup are done, I can tell she’s not sleeping or she’s upset. “Hi Tyler,” she says, breaking me out of my trance. The sound of her voice knocks me out. God, I miss her. I miss everything about her. “Bay,” I manage to say. “Come in,” she tells me and opens the door wider. Her eyes don’t leave mine. I see the slight shake of her hand. She’s nervous and so am I. “Thank you.” Walking in, I see people dressed nicely and there are wait staff going around with drinks and hors d’oeuvres. I’m not surprised about this party. When Mandy is celebrating something, she goes all out. I turn around and see her following me. Hurt flashes in her eyes and it’s destroying me. The last time we saw one another, I’d hurt her. Her heart broke and I didn’t have the strength to fight. When she dismissed me I thought it was time to get away and try to move on with my life. There seemed to be nothing to fight for and honestly I gave up. Until now. “So you’re back?” “Yeah,” I answer her and smile. I don’t want anything bad between us. Whatever I have to do to make her smile and happy again I’ll do it. “I’m done in California and I’m working downtown now. I texted you, but you never texted me back.” I tell her matter-of-factly. “I know,” she sighs. “I didn’t know what to say. I chickened out. I knew I was going to see you anyways. I’m glad you’re back.” I reach for her hand and she doesn’t pull away. “I get it. I know we have a lot to talk about. So how are you doing?” Convincing Bayleigh I’m back for good and I want to be with her might be a challenge. I’m not sure what’s going on in her pretty head or what she’s feeling. Getting her back and making her see how right

we are for each other is my main focus. It might not be easy, and that’s okay. When you love someone you fight until you can’t fight anymore. If there’s still hope, even a flicker of hope, then you take it and run to the one you love and pray that’ll be worth it. Looking at her, seeing the crease lines on her forehead, I know she’s thinking. “Okay.” She pushes a few strands of her hair to the side. “Busy working. Things are getting crazy at the office.” “You look like you haven’t been sleeping. Are you okay?” She brushes me off with a slight smile, trying to pull her hand back. I hold on tighter and intensity hits me. I’m not ready to let her go. “Fine. Everything is good. Like I said just busy with work.” I squeeze her hand, and she still doesn’t pull back. We stand in the middle of the room, around several other people, and it feels like we’re the only ones here. “I’m glad to be home,” I smile. “I’m not going to lie to you, Bay. I’m fucking happy as hell to stand here with you. Do you know how much I’ve missed you?” I hope she knows how much I miss her and how much I want her back. I’m using everything inside of me to hold back. My willpower is growing weak. Her smell. Her smile. Her voice. Fuck, this is harder than I thought. “I know,” she answers. “I’ve missed you too.” My heart beats faster and I’m not sure how much more I can take. “Listen, I’m here with Seth, but we’ll talk soon.” “I’m sorry. That might have been too much. We’ve been apart for a while and there are a lot of things we still need to talk about.” She slowly nods her head. Her eyes aren’t meeting mine and it’s driving me crazy. “I promise I won’t be coming on as strong anymore. It’s hard being this close to you and not feeling your lips on mine. Or touching you, feeling your heart beating with mine.” “I know. I have to get back. Seth is probably waiting for me. Can we talk later?” “Sure.” I watch her leave. She turns around and looks at me again. We’re standing a few feet apart from each other, but it feels like we’re miles away. How can she be so close, yet so far away? Watching her walk into the crowd, I take a glass of champagne and drink it slowly. Who the fuck is Seth?



Bayleigh WELL, I DIDN’T EXPECT all of that to happen. Seeing the text message, asking how I’m doing, and that he’s thinking about me, threw me for a loop. I started texting back then I chickened out. Nothing I wanted to say sounded good. Hearing him tell me he misses me eases my mind a little. I touch my flat stomach and take in a few breaths. This is harder than I thought. We haven’t seen each other in months and he walks in wearing a fitted black suit, bulging muscles, and those blue eyes I’ve always loved. Why does he have to be mouth wateringly sexy? When he reached out for my hand I let him take it. Feeling his touch made me feel better. Right at that moment everything made sense. Having him back is good and I want us to be okay. Only I’m not exactly sure what okay means. Are we going to start over or are we going to remain friends? These questions cross my mind and I don’t know where to start. But it’s not about me anymore. I have to think about our baby and what’s best. I’m holding back from telling him I’m pregnant. Again I’m being a chicken. I hate that I can’t be honest with him. I know he’ll be okay with it, but it’s still a risk and it’s a risk I’m not ready to take. Hearing him tell me he misses me and he’s back makes me feel better about telling him about being pregnant soon. Right now I’m testing the waters to see how long he’ll be back for. I hate I can’t open myself up or trust him completely right now. Part of me is screaming to let him back in my heart and the other part is screaming if I tell him I’m pregnant now, he’ll feel like he’s supposed to be with me. This is the first time we’ve seen each other since the night we said goodbye. There’s a lot we need to talk about and figure out before we can be together. The foundation of our friendship, what made us . . . us, is broken. Right now, we need space and I need to breathe before I pass out. Controlling my breathing and staying calm, I carry on with the party and mingle like I’m supposed to. “How are you doing?” I look up and see Mandy. We walk outside on the deck. “You okay?” “Yeah,” I smile. “I really am. He looks so good,” I sigh. And he really does look handsome in his fitted black suit and crisp white button down shirt. Tyler always looks like he just finished shooting with GQ. “Uh huh. So what’s going on with you?” She eyes me with question and suspicion. Damn you, Mandy. Don’t do this tonight. I sip on my iced water. “Nothing.” “Really?” I nod. “Really. Why?” “Then why do you look like you’re going to cry?” “Mandy, this is your night with Damon. Please, can we not do this?” “Oh sweetie, there’s nothing you can do to ruin our night. We’re worried about you. Seth told Damon you’re having pains? Is that normal?”

Shit. Stupid Seth. I wish he didn’t say anything. “Yeah,” I lie. “It’s nothing. I have an appointment coming up. You’re still coming with me right? “Of course I am.” “Okay good. But I’m feeling super good.” “Are you going to bring Tyler?” I shake my head. “So you’re going to keep him in the dark?” I nod my head. “You know how immature you’re being right? He has the right to know. He’s not going to accuse you of sleeping with Ryan.” “I can’t risk it, Mandy. You know that he’ll be upset. I’ve kept it from him for this long. What else am I supposed to do?” “I don’t know,” she sarcastically says. “Maybe tell your mini you’s father that he’s going to be a dad. It’s the right thing to do, Bayleigh, and you know it.” She’s right. I know it’s the right thing to do. The timing has to be right, and I have to know he’s here because he wants to be here. I don’t want to hold him back. “I know you don’t agree with my decision, but I need you to understand. We haven’t seen or talked to one another in a while. I can’t spring this unto him. There’s too much tension between us. I need to know that he’s here for good, and not just for me.” “I get it,” Mandy reassures me. “But I think you’re handling it wrong. Tyler isn’t a one-time thing. You guys spent almost your whole lives together. He’s going to understand.” “Maybe. Maybe not.” “Murphy you need to open your eyes and stop being selfish.” I don’t respond and look down, not sure what to say or do. “Thanks for coming with me and staying by my side.” “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Your mini you is going to be loved and adored just like her mama. Don’t shut me out. You know we’re best friends and as your best friend I’m going to keep it real with you.” I nod. “Or a mini Tyler.” I think about the possibility of having a son. Honestly, it wouldn’t matter. As long as our baby is healthy then I’ll be happy. “I can’t believe you’re having a baby.” She smiles, and wraps her arm around my shoulder. “I’m happy for you, Bay.” I sigh and touch my flat stomach again. I wonder how it’s going to be. I never thought I’d be pregnant at twenty-three and with the love of my life. I shouldn’t be surprised. Tyler keeps coming back and he never loses faith. He catches me when I fall and he’s the glue of our relationship. Right now, even though things are bad, I know deep down everything will work out. When you love someone you find ways, and push through the insecurities and pains. I know I love him, and I know I want to spend forever with him. Just right now I need to slow things down and make sure the timing is perfect or else this could blow up in my face. “Baby?” We turn around and see Damon walking out with Seth. “Everything okay?” The guys look at us and we nod. “Fine,” Mandy answers. “We’ll be in soon.” “Okay,” Damon smiles and heads back inside with Seth. “Do it, Murphy or else.” I nod and tell her to go back inside. I need a moment out here by myself. Seeing Tyler again is doing things to me. My reaction to him doesn’t surprise me. My chest constricts and the intense need for him grows. If only things could be simple. The lies and deception on both our parts isn’t healthy. Before I can tell him about being pregnant we have to clear the air and know where we both stand. There’s a lot I need to ask him and I’m afraid to know the answers. Part of me doesn’t want to think he has feelings for Anna. We’ve only had each other,

and I guess I can’t blame him. He’s been with me and we lost our virginities to each other. Maybe, in a way, it was a release he needed to experience someone else. Who knows? This is why I don’t want to know, then again I do want to know, so I’ll stop assuming and wondering. We need to talk about what happened instead of fighting and hoping the issues will go away on their own. It’s wrong to keep this from him. I’m selfish for not telling him I’m pregnant and I know this. I know he’ll step up to the plate and take care of us. “Bay?” I turn around and see him walking toward me with two glasses of champagne. Fuck. “Hi,” I smile. “What’s up?” “Just wondering what you’re doing out here? Everything okay?” “Needed fresh air.” He hands me a glass and I take it from him. “How about a toast to new beginnings?” Fuck. We clink glasses and I pretend to drink the champagne, only allowing the drink to touch my lips. Yes, I’m being paranoid and I’m sure a sip won’t hurt. I just don’t want to risk anything.



Tyler “SO, I HAVE THE house to myself and I heard you have your own place. How’s that going for you?” Her eyes go wide. Why does my knowing things surprise her? “Yeah, I’m living in Mandy’s old place. It’s time to leave the nest. I feel good.” “And your nightmares? Are you sleeping okay?’ “Yeah. It’s getting better.” “So yeah, it’s just me in the house. You know my mom is in Colorado and it’s always just me alone.” She needs to know I’m not moving on. She moves her head, facing the backyard. There are lights along the pool and gate. The light shimmers onto Bayleigh and she looks beautiful. Like an angel. My angel. So many nights, lying in bed, or sitting by the water, dreaming about her and being this close to her. Hoping one day she’d walk back into my world and be mine again. “Are you planning on staying in Rochester because you want to?” I turn her to face me, and touch her face. “Yes, Bay. I’m here because I want to be. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” “Okay,” she breathlessly answers, and moves her head to my touch. “I’m happy you’re here.” I think about kissing her. I need to taste her lips. She’s close to me, and I see the urge in her eyes. “So, why don’t we go back inside?” I know if I stay out here long enough, I’ll beg her to come back home with me tonight and take her lips. I’ll beg her to stay and be with me. “Sure.” I hold my hand out to her, hoping she won’t deny me, and to my surprise she slides her hand in mine. The touch causes me to take a deep breath and my head pounds from the intense emotions. A simple touch alerts my body and I’m hard. Very hard. I place my hand on the small of her back, guiding her inside, and people are around talking and mingling. A tall guy walks over to us. He has short blonde hair and he’s smiling at Bayleigh. “How are you feeling? You were outside for a while,” he asks her, ignoring the fact I’m behind her. I place my hand protectively on her hip, letting him know she’s mine. “I’m okay. Seth, this is Tyler. Tyler, this is Seth. He works at the firm with Damon. Actually, he’s one of the partners slash founders.” Seth extends his hand to me and I take it. It’s a firm handshake and we keep our eyes on each other. “Nice to meet you, Tyler.” “You too.” I don’t like him. I don’t like how he stares back at me and his concern for Bayleigh. “Well, I’ll leave the two of you. Bayleigh, I’ll talk to you later.” “Okay,” she responds. The night goes on and I meet a few more people who work with her. People are slowly leaving, and I can tell she’s exhausted. “Do you need me to take you home?”

She looks around the room, and then back to me. “Sure I’d like that.” Mandy and Damon walk over to us. I give Mandy a hug and shake Damon’s hand. “Congratulations again,” I tell both of them. “Thanks, Tyler.” Mandy looks at Bayleigh. “You okay?” “Yeah, just tired. I need to head home and sleep. My head hurts,” she tells them and I see a worried expression on Mandy’s face. “Don’t worry I am fine,” Bayleigh presses on and something tells me she’s not. “Bayleigh you sure you’re okay?” I ask. “Yes I am fine.” “Why don’t you take her home, Tyler.” Damon instructs, and looks at me. “Sleep well and take care of yourself.” “Okay.” We say our goodbyes and leave. Opening the car door for her she slips in. Heading to my side I start the car and let it warm up for a few minutes. Not wanting to sit in silence I turn to look at her. “Are you sure you’re okay?” She nods, and doesn’t look at me. “Then why did it seem everyone was worried.” “I’m okay, Tyler.” She tells me, and I see her hands on her lap. She still won’t look at me and it’s driving me crazy. “I’ll drop it for now. I know you’re not telling me something.” The car ride to her apartment is quiet. I look over and see her sleeping. If I had a camera, I would capture this very moment and cherish it forever. Already knowing the directions to the apartment, I slow down and do everything I can to spend every second with her. Getting off the highway, I drive straight through the night, and take a right turn into the complex. I don’t want to wake her up. She looks peaceful. Pulling her away from the door, I quietly get out and open her door. Unbuckling the seatbelt, I pull her into my arms, grab her purse and close the door. She’s so light and feels good in my arms. Rummaging through her small purse, I pull out the key and let myself in. Shutting the door, I walk inside and look around her apartment. Most of her things are Mandy’s. I can see the delicate touches of Bayleigh. There are pictures of her life surrounding the living area. Turning down the hall, I walk into her room and place her down, taking off her shoes and pulling a blanket over her. I’m tempted to change her and I think about it. “Fuck,” I mutter. Pulling the blanket off her, I gently unzip her dress and take it off. How she’s still sleeping I have no idea. She moans a little here and there, but remains asleep. Admiring her body, with the moonlight shining through her window, my God she is fucking beautiful. “I miss you, Bay,” I softly say. Hanging up her dress, I find one of my shirts in her drawers and possessiveness takes over. She has my shirts and I’m sure she sleeps in what’s mine all the time. Pulling the shirt over her and gently placing the blanket over her body, I bend down and watch her. Seeing her eyes flutter open, I see that smile I love so much. “I knew you were changing me.” “And you didn’t say anything?” “It was nice and you were trying hard,” she tells me. “It was nice,” she repeats. “Really nice.” “Close those beautiful eyes and sleep, angel.” “Will you still be here in the morning?” “Yes,” I simply answer. Content with my answer, she closes her eyes and I sit down and watch her sleep for a little. This is where I want to be. Right here, next to her, forever. I wake up on the floor and sit up, stretching my body, and looking up to see what Bayleigh’s doing. She’s still sleeping and looks peaceful. I don’t want to wake her and I don’t want to leave without talking.

Slowly getting up and folding the blankets I head to her kitchen and pop in a K Cup and wait for the coffee to brew. Rubbing my eyes, I hear the coffee finish and take a slow sip of the hot liquid. Heading back to her room, I set the coffee down on the nightstand and sit by her side. God, she’s perfect. “Good morning,” she mutters, and flutters her eyes open. “Did you sleep okay?” “Yeah,” I answer. “I did. You?” “Mmm,” she tells me and gets up. “You’re really here.” I lean in and press my lips to her forehead. “I am.” She rests her hand on my thigh and places her head against my chest. Neither of us say anything, and we just savor this moment between us. “I don’t know what to do with us.” I can hear the honesty in her voice and I know this is hard for her to say. “Being with you is what I want. We’ve been apart for so long and I know we have a lot to talk about. I need to know where you stand with us.” Wrapping my arms around her I kiss her again. “The time apart made me realize how much I love you. When I left I thought we were over. I thought about moving on, but no one measures up to you, Bay. You’re it for me. You’ve changed my life and make me a better man. You are my forever love and I can’t lose that.” “I know. Me either. But, we need to take things slow. We can’t jump back into how we were. Can you do that?” I nod, and hold her tighter. “I am going to do whatever you want me to, and sweet girl I’ll wait forever for you.” I hear her sigh and breathe her in.



Bayleigh A FEW DAYS GO by and things are really good. Tyler and I talk and we’re spending time together. During our lunch breaks we’ll get something to eat at a nearby deli and talk about what’s going on and he tells me about California and his new position. I like hearing about what he’s been up to, and he listens to me too. I still haven’t told him and I still don’t know the words or how I’m going to do that. Checking on things at my parents’ house I hear a knock on the door. Putting down the papers in my hand, I go to open the door. Tyler’s standing before me, with his hands in his jean pockets, and when he looks up, he removes his aviator sunglasses. “Ty,” I say¸ “Hey, what’s going on?” As soon as the sunglasses are off and his blue eyes are on me, the ache between my legs comes back. Fucking hormones. Fucking Tyler and his sexy blue eyes. The dreams I’m having about him are making me moody and frustrated. Last night I dreamt he fucked me against the wall and threw me on the bed, and continued his assault on my pussy. I screamed his name and begged him for more. He flipped me over, pulled my hair back, and I came hard and fast. And now he’s standing in front of me. He’s standing before me with dark jeans and a gray button down shirt. The slim fit shirt shows his bulging arm muscles and tight chest. The ache is beating against my body, screaming for a release. “I saw you were here and wanted to see if you needed help.” The nervousness in his voice throws me off a little. “And to see if you want to grab dinner with me tonight.” “You know what? Dinner sounds good. Why don’t you come back around seven and I’ll be ready?” “You’re going to be here?” “Yeah,” I answer. “Okay,” he smiles. “I’ll see you in a few hours.” I watch him walk away and head back inside. I don’t have to stay here, but being close to him feels good. Grabbing my Kindle from my purse, I get comfortable on the couch and curl up in a blanket with a cup of tea. I hear the door open and my head perks up, wondering who is here. Seth comes around the corner and heads towards me. “Hey,” he says and I smile. “Want to go for a walk?” “Sure.” I set down my Kindle and grab my jacket and UGGs. We walk out the front and I look to see if Tyler’s home. “I saw him leave,” Seth tells me. We walk down the sidewalk towards a nearby park. The walk is quiet at first and I can’t help but to wonder what’s going on with Seth and why he’s here. “What’s going on?”

Seth smiles. “I wanted to say sorry for the other night. I know with Tyler back in town you’re probably really confused. Honestly, I don’t want to lose our friendship. I’ve been here for you and it’ll suck if you decide to leave.” He bows his head down. I wait because I know he has more to say. “I ah,” he nervously laughs. “I care about you Bayleigh. I’ve been here for you and helped you through your nightmares and held your hand. I don’t want to lose that connection with you. I don’t have a lot of friends,” he explains. “So, yeah.” “You’re not going to lose me, Seth.” I reassure him. “You’re a really good friend and I care about you too. Why would you think I’d up and leave?” He shrugs. “Just a feeling. It seems as though people, women especially, tend to leave me when I get too attached.” My heart breaks a little. Seth is very clingy and I like it. When we hang out it’s fun and he’s there for me when I need it. I understand his concern for me when it comes to Tyler. “I appreciate this, Seth. I can promise you I’m not going anywhere and our friendship is going to be strong like before. Just because Tyler is back doesn’t mean I won’t have time for you.” “Okay,” he smiles. “Sorry if I came on too strong.” “Never.” “You look different.” “What do you mean?” We stop walking and sit down on a wooden bench. He turns to look at me. “The sadness you had in your eyes is gone.” I stare at him. I understand what he’s saying and I’m letting the words sink in. My sadness is gone. There’s a lot to be happy about. My pregnancy, Tyler coming back and things in life seem to be running on an even rhythm. Nothing feels offbeat, besides needing to talk to Tyler about what’s going on with me, and that’s the only problem I’m facing. “Seeing the way he looked at you at the party, I can tell he loves you.” “I know,” I answer. “I overheard him talking to Mandy. He’s sorry for what he’s done to you and he’s trying. I think you should give him a chance to explain so you can feel better. Hear him out and go from there.” “The thing is, Seth. I’ve forgiven him. I don’t hold anything against him.” I take in a deep breath. “I’m pregnant, and I’m so scared to tell him. The way things ended last time scares me. We love each other, and time is going to tell if we can really make it.” “I think you guys are going to be fine. He’s going to be thrilled about being a dad and I think everything will work out.” “I love him and care about him. Only, I can’t tell him I’m pregnant. Not yet. Not until I feel it’s safe.” “When will that be?” I let out a weary sigh. “I’m not sure.”



Tyler BEFORE I CAN GET out of my Jeep, Bayleigh walks out of her parents’ house wearing boots, leggings, and a long gray cardigan. She’s bundled up, walking with her head down, and carrying her oversized purse. Getting out and opening the door for her, she smiles at me and we’re on the way to dinner. “So I’m thinking tonight I’ll take you to Mario’s.” “Sounds good. Haven’t been there in forever and I’m craving Italian. Definitely getting chicken alfredo.” “You always get that,” I joke. “Are you going to ask for crushed red peppers?” “Duh,” she laughs. “They’re going to tell you it’s not an option. Watch.” She waves her hand, disregarding me. “No. I think maybe they finally are realizing people like crushed red peppers in their food because it gives it a little kick.” Her hair is a little wavy and hangs past her shoulders. I love Bayleigh with long hair. Actually, I love her with anything or any style she has. It’s hard to focus on driving with her next to me. The light scent of Daisy she has on bewitches my senses and all I want is to hold her, breathe her in, and tell her to be mine again. But she won’t agree. Since leaving her this afternoon, I’ve been keeping busy around the house and running errands. I’ve been anxious and unsure, waiting by my phone to see if she’ll text me that she’s changed her mind. Sitting here with her in my Jeep is what I want. Like I’ve told her in the past, I don’t care about sex or physical affection. Having her in my life is just enough, but having her by my side forever, as my girl, is what I’m aiming for. A real smile comes over my face thinking about her and feeling her near me. I pull into Mario’s and let the valet open the doors for us, and hand over my keys. Extending my hand to her, she willingly takes it, and we walk inside. So far so good. Our server seats us in a secluded area of the restaurant, and hands us menus. Before I can order a bottle of our favorite wine, she interrupts and orders a lemonade and iced water. “What do you want, Ty?” “Ah the same,” I tell our server. She smiles and tells us she’ll be back. “So, no wine tonight? We usually get wine when we have Italian.” “You know,” she starts to say, picking up the menu and looking at her options. “I’m really not feeling it tonight.” “Okay,” I laugh and do the same with my menu. Dinner goes by quickly and by the time we’re done with our desserts, the look on her face brings my dick to attention. That look of sheer bliss. She’s content and happy.

Fuck. Paying for the bill, she thanks me for a nice night and we walk outside to my Jeep. Placing my arm around shoulders she leans into me and we walk in silence. Before making the drive back home, I pull into an empty space away from the restaurant. Turning in my seat, I look at her and reach for her hands. She doesn’t pull away. “Thank you for coming out with me tonight. I know we have a lot to talk about and I know you need time to understand what’s going on. I’m telling you now that I’m not going anywhere. I know I’ve said this before and I know we ended badly a few months ago. I Just want you to know there was never a day that passed you weren’t on my mind. Coming back here, to you, is my choice and mine alone. I’m so desperate to have a few minutes with you and I’ll take whatever you give me.” Needing to feel her soft lips, I lean over the console and press my lips to hers. “I will do anything for you, Bayleigh. But please know I love you.” She smiles and doesn’t say anything. I’m not sure if I scared the hell out of her or what she’s thinking in that pretty little head of hers. **** WORK IS KEEPING all of my attention and I haven’t been able to see Bayleigh as much as I’d like. She’s coming to her parents’ house more often and I’d like to think it’s because I’m here and we’re closer together this way. I think about asking her to come over after work, but when I get home, I don’t see her car. She usually gets back to her parents’ house around eight in the evening, and by then it’s kind of late for social calling. I don’t want her to think I’m inviting her over for sex. Looking at my watch and out the window, I wonder where she is and if she’s coming over again tonight. In many states this is considered stalking. I pick up my phone and wait for her voice to come on. Hi, you’ve reached the voicemail of Bayleigh Murphy. I’m sorry I missed your call. Please leave me your name, number and a brief message and I’ll return your call as soon as I can. Thank you and have a great day. “Hey, so I got home a little bit ago and I’m wondering if you’re coming to your parents’ house again. I’d love to see you. Call me or text or whatever. Ah, okay bye.” Disconnecting the call I sit on the couch, throwing a football in my hand, hoping for this game to take my mind off her. Mandy tells me to give her time and space. Well, she has no idea what it means to lose everything you love. When my phone rings, I jump up and look at the caller ID. “Mandy,” I hiss. “Why hello, cutie pie. What are you doing?” “Nothing. Hanging out. You?” “About to pull into your driveway.” I look out the window and see her silver Audi pulling in. “Let me in.” I get up and walk toward the door to let her in. Sitting on the stair, I wait for her to come in. When she walks in and takes off her sunglasses, I see the smirk on her face. “To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?” Standing up I head to the kitchen, grab a few bottles of beer and walk outside to the deck. It’s a nice night. The sun’s slowly going down and it’s quiet out. I like it this way. Sitting down and opening a beer for Mandy and I, I wait to hear what she has to say. “Thanks,” she takes the beer from my hand. “Bayleigh told me about your little dinner date.”

I take a sip of my beer and nod. “Okay, did I do something wrong? I don’t think I did. Well, aside from telling her I’m not going anywhere.” “I think you did the right thing. Take it slow and give her space. Don’t wait around for her . . .” “I wasn’t.” “Don’t lie to me, Tyler.” Instead of answering, I drink more of my beer. “Okay, as I was saying. Don’t be that guy. Be her friend like before. You do remember how to be her friend, right?” I smirk and cock my head to the right. “There you go.” “Whatever you say, ole wise one.” She brings her beer bottle to mine, “Cheers, babe.” *** THE NEXT DAY in my office, there’s a knock on my door. Looking up, I see Serena coming in. “What are you doing here?” I ask her, smiling. Getting up, I meet her at the door and give her a hug. “I’m here for a few weeks to go over some plans and get you ready to work with our newest clients.” “Ah,” I respond, getting the file I need. “We have a meeting soon. Want to head out?” “Sure.” We walk the short distance to Fowler, Ziegler and Ridge Associates. Walking in, we take the elevator and I take easy breaths. “Isn’t this . . .” “Yep,” I answer before she can finish her sentence. “Are you okay?” “No. I don’t know,” I answer. I hate feeling like a pussy. “I’m dealing with it the way I should and the way she wants me to.” Serena touches my arm, “It’s going to work out.” “Yeah.” The elevator dings and we walk out and the receptionist greets us. Before I can say anything, I hear her voice. Looking behind me, I see her walking with Mandy. She looks beautiful today with her hair long and she’s wearing a classy dark gray dress with a blue cardigan. Sensing my staring, she looks up and our eyes meet. She looks at Serena, then back at me. “Good afternoon, Bayleigh.” “Hi Tyler.” She looks at Serena, “I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk when you were here. Thank you for coming to the funeral.” “You’re welcome. It’s nice to finally meet you.” Bayleigh smiles and looks at Mandy for support. “Why don’t we all head to the conference room? I think Damon and Seth are ready,” Mandy tells us and leads the way. I stay behind, making sure I’m keeping my distance so I don’t freak her out. Heading inside and taking our seats, I notice Damon smile at Mandy and Seth pulling out Bayleigh’s seat and talking to her. I try to listen and hear what he’s saying. Questions flood my head. Who the fuck is he and why is he so close to her? Isn’t she Damon’s personal assistant? “Stop,” Serena whispers and I turn away, pulling out the notes we need for the meeting. When I first heard about this meeting, I didn’t try to get out of it nor did I tell her about it. Since she’s Damon’s personal assistant, wouldn’t she have known about the meeting? Seeing her nervous expression and her face go pale, I have to wonder why she’s acting like this. I wish she’d look at me and smile or show me that she’s happy to see me. The meeting was slow and torturous. I gave the wrong information and Serena saved me more times

than I can count. Luckily, Damon was fine and didn’t seem bothered. “Alright, I will be in touch,” Seth says. “Thank you for today. I think we’ll have a decision shortly.” “Thank you again. Damon. Seth,” I nod to each one and we pack our things to leave. When I look up and see Bayleigh looking at me. I don’t know what she’s asking me with her eyes and I stay behind to find out. Watching her get up from the chair, she walks out and I follow, telling Serena to give me a few minutes. We walk into her office and I close the door, keeping my distance and fighting the temptation to feel her lips and hold her. “I wanted a few minutes alone with you.” “Okay,” I respond. “What’s up?” “Is Serena here for good?” I roll my eyes. Of course she’ll ask this question. “No. She’s here for business with my company and Damon’s. And why is Seth protective over you?” “He’s not. He’s kind of my boss and he’s a good friend.” I walk closer to her and hear the hitch in her breathing. “Are you worried, Bay?” “N-no. Of course not,” she mutters, looking at me. Leaning over, I kiss her cheek and turn away. She’s not ready for this conversation and now isn’t the time. “Stop acting hot and cold around me.” Her body stills and I walk away. I can feel her eyes on me and I’m hoping she’ll call for me. Reaching the elevator I press the button and realize she’s not coming. “Tyler.” Her voice perks me up. “Bay,” I say, turning around to face her. “Come over tonight for dinner.” She smiles and I nod. One day at a time.



Bayleigh THE DAYS ARE getting longer. I’m spending more hours in the office and working at home to complete the reports needed. My headaches are getting worse and since I can’t take too many meds I’m finding different alternatives like getting massages, using essential oils, doing yoga, and taking little naps here and there. Luckily my headaches aren’t turning into migraines so it’s not too bad. I’m doing research online and keeping contact with Doctor Wells. I’m not sure if all these symptoms are normal. I don’t want to complain to Damon. I’m not even that far along and I’m tired all the time. My morning sickness is getting bad and the smell of breakfast makes me want to die. Mentally preparing myself to get through today is what’s keeping me from breaking down. We have meetings all day, but the meeting this morning is going to kill me. The smell of sausage, eggs and bacon hits my nose and I can feel my stomach about to turn over. I’m usually not sensitive to food. I love breakfast! Damon leans over, “Bayleigh, are you okay?” “Yeah, of course,” I answer him. I look at the buffet of food and have to step away or else everyone is going to have a side of throw up. “Bayleigh.” I look up and see Adam Simpson walking towards me. “It’s nice to see you again.” “You too.” We hug and make small talk about his trip to Rochester with his brother and partner, Connor. “How’s Sophia doing?” “She’s good,” he smiles, pulling out his wallet and showing me a picture of his family. “She’s keeping busy and trying to accept that he’s going to be in first grade, and Rachel’s acting older than she is.” “You have a beautiful family.” I look at the picture and feel the tears sting my eyes. I think about my baby and one day having a family picture like the one Adam has with his wife and children. “Did they come with you guys this time?” “No, not this time,” he sadly answers. Traveling for work is never easy. Adam and Connor have been coming to Rochester one week every month since September. Not only are they here in Rochester, but also Atlanta and Boston. “After this trip, I’m taking some time off and then Connor will do the same. We’ll rotate our vacations and try to travel less.” I nod my head. “I get it. After this trip, I’m sure we’ll have everything figured out.” “Don’t hog the pretty Bayleigh, brother.” I smile and look up at my other favorite Simpson. “Why, hello handsome.” We hug and he tells me how beautiful I look. “You and your compliments. How are Erin and Emily?” “My girls are great.” He pulls out a picture of them and shows me. “Perfect.” “I’m so happy for you guys. It’s always good to see you both. Excuse me please.” Rushing out of the conference in the most lady like way, I head to the bathroom and lock the door. Turning on the faucet, the cool water fills in my hands and I splash my face. “Bay, open the door.” Walking to the bathroom door and unlocking it, Mandy walks in and rubs my

arms. “You okay?” “Yeah. My stomach is everywhere right now and I needed a moment.” “You got Adam and Connor worried about you,” she smiles. “When’s your doctor appointment?” “Next week.” “Okay well, do you need to go home? Damon will understand.” I shake my head, “No I’ll be okay.” “If working is too much you need to say something,” Mandy tells me. “No one is going to be mad if you need some time off. It’s not like Damon’s going to fire you. Work from home if you have to.” “I shouldn’t be feeling this bad though.” “Everyone has a different pregnancy experience. Remember this is your first so since your body isn’t used to carrying a baby then it’s normal.” “I guess. I think I’ll be fine though.” We walk out of the bathroom and Seth is waiting by the conference door. I’m not sure why I get nervous when he’s around. He’s giving me a look and I know what he’s going to say. “My office, please.” I nod and follow him to his office. My heart speeds up a little. I don’t know why he’s doing this. I’m okay and sure I’m pregnant. It doesn’t mean I’m not capable of getting through the day. Seth opens the door and I walk inside, taking a seat on the chair in front of his desk. “Bayleigh, if you’re sick then go home.” “Seth I’m fine. Please don’t make me go home. It was just the food.” “I get it. I know you’re going through a lot and this is your first pregnancy. That pain you had that night; are you sure it was a cramp?” I nod my head. “Please don’t lie to me.” “It was a cramp, Seth. I promise you. Other than the occasional headache and my morning, well, all day sickness I feel great. I promise you. I’m not sure what’s going on.” “Are you spotting or anything?” Okay weird question. “I ask because my sister was pregnant. I don’t want to scare you. She had two miscarriages and I don’t want you to go through that pain.” I wipe my tears and look away. “I’m going to the doctor next week. I’m sure it’s nothing.” “Please keep me in the loop. I want you to be healthy and if you’re stressed out, then you’ll worry yourself and it’ll be bad for your baby.” “I know.” “Does Tyler know yet?” “No,” I quietly respond. Seth cocks his eyebrow. “Why?” I hate the tone of his voice. “I thought we talked about this. Pull yourself together, Bayleigh. What if you were in Tyler’s shoes?” I hang my head, refusing to look at him. I know what he’s saying is right. It’s easier said than done.” “Tyler needs to be here for me and not think of me and our baby as an obligation. He had the life in California and I’m sure it was great. It was his shot at becoming more.” The truth spews from my lips and I can’t stop. “He says he’s here for me and that’s great. I know he is and I know he’s going to show it. I want him to know I didn’t do this on purpose and I don’t want him to think Ryan’s the father. It’ll hurt too much.” “Even though I don’t know him, I know he’d want to know. Don’t hold this off for too long. You think waiting is the right answer, but what if your plan back fires and you lose him for good?” “I know,” I sigh. The rest of the day goes by without incident and we take Adam and Connor to lunch. My stomach isn’t queasy like this morning and I feel okay again. Before leaving for the day, I check the schedule for tomorrow and see a text message coming in from Mandy.

Mandy: Breakfast tomorrow morning at my house Me: What’s the occasion? Mandy: Because we’re working from home tomorrow and you need to rest! I could have sworn Damon had back-to-back meetings again tomorrow. Looking at his appointments, the meetings have been changed to Skype, and of course, Mandy had something to do with it. Mandy: I’m behind on the wedding and I need to focus on that so I’ll need my maid of honor! Me: Okay sounds good. See you tomorrow morning Packing up my things, I head out of the office and walk to my car. Rush hour is crazy busy right now and people in Rochester can’t drive for shit. “Move it, asshole!” I scream. I know he can’t hear me. It makes me feel better knowing I screamed and he saw me flip him the bird. “Yeah you, bitch!” The intense road rage isn’t good. I’m either crying or happy and now I’m adding mad as hell. Great. This pregnancy is going to do wonders for me. Making it home close to six thirty, I park my car in my usual spot and notice Tyler’s Jeep. Getting out, I walk toward his Jeep and tap on his window. Looking up, he smiles and gets out. “Hey. I’ve been waiting for you. Sorry I didn’t text you. Thought I’d surprise you with dinner. I have pad see ew with chicken, chicken satay and pad Thai for me.” He gives me an easy smile while holding up a brown bag. “And I got it from your favorite place.” “Sak’s?” “Yeah.” Rolling my eyes in pleasure, I lead the way to my apartment. I’m in the mood for Thai tonight. Walking inside, I place my things down on the floor and walk to the fridge to grab some water and lemonade for us. Feeling him behind me, my back straightens and the ache I so desperately need to address comes back. “What are you doing?” “I miss you,” he simply responds and kisses my cheek. Closing my eyes tightly, I do my best to calm my inner sex nymph and remember to build the foundation of friendship again. I can’t let him believe we’re going to get back together and have sex. Things don’t work like that. Things are more complicated. Telling him I miss him and want him back isn’t smart. By building our friendship, then we’ll get to know each other again. That’s what made us us before, so I’m sure if we’re meant to be it’ll happen again. “Go sit down so I can grab us our drinks and plates.” “Sure thing,” he smiles again and walks to the table and takes my things to my bedroom. He easily moves around my apartment as though he belongs here. Maybe he does. Maybe this whole building our friendship and making us work again is going too slow. I hear a phone vibrating from the counter. Picking up the phone and opening the text, I see it’s Serena’s name. I picked up Tyler’s phone. Serena: Hey! Where are you? I scroll through the earlier messages.

Serena: How are you feeling? You look so sad Serena: I’m here if you need to talk Tyler: I know. Things suck and I miss her. Thanks for being here. I’m not sure if I would be able to get through this without you. Serena: You know I’m always here for you What exactly is their relationship? Does she love him? Putting down his phone, I shake away those thoughts and focus again. I fail. Thinking about Serena and Tyler is driving me crazy. Why does she want to be here for him? What exactly is she planning? Tyler walks out of my room and grabs the plates and glasses from the island. “Coming?” “Ah yeah,” I answer. Sitting down next to him, he pours me a glass of lemonade and water. “I have a question.” “Sure.” “So I picked up your phone by accident.” I hate that I’m having this conversation with him. I don’t want to assume anymore. I need to know. “How close are you and Serena? Is there really an Anna?” “Baby, Serena is my best friend. She’s dating Chad now and yes, there is an Anna.” The look of joy dances in his eyes. “You’re jealous.” “I’m not jealous. I’m curious. You had this life in California and made good friends. If I were you I wouldn’t want to come back to Rochester. I want to make sure you deciding to come back is your choice. And I’m not some fallback or whatever.” “You will never be a fallback. You’re always my first and only choice.” He moves closer to me and I smell his scent. Bending down so he’s eye level with me he takes my face in his hands and kisses me in a way that makes your panties wet and toes curl. There’s desperation in his kiss and I’m holding onto him as if I’ve never held him before. Releasing from my lips he stares at me with intensity and fire. ““I’m glad I am back. We need to work on us. If there will be an us again.” “One day at a time.” I breathlessly answer. And I mean it. One day and slowly we’ll find our way.



Tyler LEAVING BAYLEIGH’S, I head to Murphy’s Law. Parking my car, I head inside and find whom I’m meeting. “Thanks for coming tonight. I’m sorry for the short notice.” “No problem,” Seth answers. “So what’s going on? Is Bayleigh okay?” I study him. Why is his first question about Bayleigh? He doesn’t need to protect her from me. My blood boils and he keeps his stare on me too. “She’s fine,” I grit out. “You stay away from her, do you get me?” He blinks a few times and crosses his arms. “We’re going to be together again. Right now things are a little confusing. We need to take things slow and she needs to get used to me being here. I’m not going anywhere, so you better not try anything. I respect you, man. Our companies are working together and I don’t want bad blood. I can assure you, if you decide to move in on her, I will end you.” Seth looks at me, and gets a server’s attention. “Two Stellas and two shots of tequila. Top shelf, sweetheart.” “Okay,” she smiles at both of us and walks away. “I know you love her and I know you want her back. She talks about you all the time. When you left, we became close. I lost my brother a few years ago so I helped her understand the pain of losing someone. See, the thing you have to realize about her is, she’s stronger than she lets on. I know about the rape and she’s doing a lot better. She doesn’t need to see a therapist, instead she’s open about how she’s feeling to me, Damon and Mandy. I think you treating her like she was going to break fucked with her head. I didn’t judge you because I didn’t know you. We have a business relationship and so far you’re on my good list. Don’t make me move you to my shit list.” I listen to him. Our server brings us our drinks and we take the shots without blinking. “If you love her, then always keep an open mind and understand where she’s coming from. If you don’t, then I will.” I feel like he slapped me and punched me in the gut. Before I can answer, I order another round of shots. This is going to be a long night. “I never treated her like she would break.” He eyes me, taking the shot, and leans back in his chair. This little shit’s testing me. “You did. You’re overbearing and it overwhelmed her. I get it. I would have done the same. What happened to Bayleigh is and will always be devastating, but if she’s getting better then she should be treated in that way.” “She fell for my brother,” I state, and drink my beer. I’m not backing down. “They were best friends too and he was there for her. He pushed her, and I don’t think I can do what he did. I don’t regret what I did. Bayleigh is strong and I’m thankful for that. After the rape her whole life changed. She became someone I didn’t know and even her parents were worried. There was this light and then that light disappeared. I wanted her back. We all did.” “Like I said I get it. You have to understand she’s getting better. A lot changed with her and she’s

getting this fire inside her that was never there before. You need to make her fire grow.” I listen to what he’s saying and fully agree. Bayleigh’s confidence and strength is better than what I remembered. She doesn’t need to be fully protected, and she will be fine on her own. I never thought I’d see her in this light, with this fire, and I’m glad she’s at this stage. After a few hours, I head home and have a higher respect for Seth. I can tell he loves Bayleigh the way I do. And I get it. He’s protecting her and feels like he needs to be there for her. I’m glad she had the support she needed when I was gone. Parking my car, I head inside and up to my room. The quiet of the house is driving me crazy. Before walking into my bedroom, I turn and go into Ryan’s. The room is cool and there’s a weird feeling. It’s calming me. “Hey, brother.” I place my hand on the bed. The same bed he passed away in. I can remember that night as if it were yesterday. I can’t believe it’s been almost three months. The pain grows and I miss him. “So, I’m back as you know and Bayleigh and I are working on our relationship I guess. It’s hard, you know? I think she has a lot going on and I’m not sure why she’s keeping me in the dark. Seth,” I laugh. “Well, he’s a good guy. Loves our girl though.” I walk around the room and slide down the wall, facing the bed. “Man, I miss you. Every day is full of regret. I wish we had more time together.” Silence fills the room. Since being back, I haven’t had the chance to go to his grave and pay my respects. I can’t bring myself to see his grave. I know Bayleigh is keeping it nice with flowers and she visits him. It makes me feel good that people remember Ryan and take time to see him. “I’m doing things differently this time. I’m going to wait for her. I messed up big time by sleeping with Anna.” I shake my head. If I could take back that night, I would without a second thought. “My dick had a mind of his own that night. You know, while I was fucking her I thought about Bayleigh. How messed up am I?” Every girl that crosses my path I think of her. It’s always her, no matter what. “Sleep well.” Walking out of his bedroom, I head to mine and change into pajama pants. Sliding under the cover, I take out my phone and text Bayleigh. Me: Sleeping? Bay: No. Watching a movie. I’m working from home tomorrow. Well at Damon and Mandy’s. We have some wedding things to do then I’m taking the afternoon off. Need some R and R. Me: Will I see you tomorrow? Bay: I have a lot to do and I’m meeting Seth for dinner. I’ll see you again soon okay? Thank you again for dinner tonight . . . I like spending time with you and knowing you’re here for good. Me: You’re welcome. You never have to thank me . . . And I’ll keep telling you that I’m here for good until you one hundred percent believe me. I have an early morning. I’ll talk to you soon. Good night and sweet dreams Bay: Sweet dreams



Bayleigh THE SMELL OF breakfast hits my nose. I get up from the kitchen chair and sprint to the bathroom. Dropping to my knees, I grip the porcelain bowl and pray this quickly passes over. Tightly gripping the sides, my body trembles, causing me to empty everything in my stomach, leaving me weak and dizzy. A cool washcloth is on my neck and I let out a moan. It feels good, until another wave of nausea hits me. “Shh, let it out,” Seth soothes me, rubbing my back. “Is she okay?” I hear a worried Mandy asking. “Sickness,” I weakly respond, leaning into Seth and taking the washcloth. “This sucks,” I try to laugh. “I thought you said you were okay,” Mandy tells me. I look to find her scowling at me, with her arms crossed, and a don’t you lie to me again expression. “Well?” “I have my moments,” I mumble. “It’s usually not this bad.” “You have to tell him,” I hear Damon chime in. “He deserves to know.” “What?” I look up at everyone. “So he can accuse me of having his brother’s baby? You know how Tyler will act. He’ll think the worst thing possible, blow it up and say hurtful things. I can’t tell him.” I can’t lie to anyone anymore. Pulling my knees against my chest, I lean on Seth and feel his chin resting on my head. “They’re right,” he tells me. “You need to tell him.” I don’t know how Tyler will react. We’re in a really good spot right now. Things are going well and I love having him back. To be honest, I’m not sure I can handle his reaction. We never talked about a family or kids when we were together. I guess, in a way, it was implied, but never talked about. We’re young, not married, or dating. How will we raise a baby? And will we raise our baby together? For Tyler to be part of our child’s life, he can’t accuse me and push me. And for me to tell Tyler and have this baby, I need to let go of my own insecurities. There’s a lot we need to let go of, and so much we can gain. Only I can’t find the strength to do this. We’re having a little boy or girl. This baby will know love and know what it’s like to always feel wanted. I won’t keep Tyler from our child. But how do I tell him? I can’t expect him to stop what he’s doing to be with me again. It’s not fair. I’ve taken so much from him. How can I expect him to do this? To be a father? “I can’t tell him yet. It’s too much. It’s too soon.” “What’s too much?” Damon asks. “All of it,” I whisper. “Look at everything that’s happened.” Seth helps me up and walks me to the living room. I know this is selfish to keep from him. There’s nothing he’s done in the past to make me think he wouldn’t want a child. The thing that’s holding me back is my fear of how he’ll react. I can’t take that pain. Letting him go as many times as I have is already too much. I don’t want any added stress to me or the baby.

“Lie down. When you’re feeling better, wake up and I’ll get you something to eat.” I smile at Mandy and curl up on the couch. Seth puts a blanket over me and when I close my eyes, I see Tyler. He’s holding our baby and things feel right. The next morning, Mandy takes me to my doctor’s appointment. We wait to be called and I flip through a parenting magazine. “Are you nervous?” I smile. “Yes and no. I’m not sure what to expect to be honest.” I try my best to hide my sadness. This is the first appointment and instead of being here with Tyler, I’m here with my other best friend. “Bayleigh Murphy,” a nurse calls for me. “Are you ready?” I smile and nod. Getting up from my chair, I place my hand on my flat stomach and smile again. “Here we go,” I whisper. After being settled in the exam room and talking to the nurse and doctor, there are a few tests to complete and questions to answer. “Sounds like everything is right on schedule,” Doctor Wells tells me. “So you’re almost twelve weeks along. Are you ready to hear your baby’s heartbeat?” “Yes!” Mandy jumps out of her seat. “So ready!” Laughing, I look at Mandy and tell her to be quiet. “We’ll be able to hear my baby’s heartbeat?” “Yeah,” he smiles. Prepping me for the ultrasound, I stare at the screen and part of me imagines Tyler here, holding my hand, instead of Mandy. “Should be right,” he starts to say, moving around the tool on my stomach. “Now.” A thumping noise fills the room. My baby is on the screen and I’m listening to his or her heartbeat. Happiness and love fill my heart. Turning my head to face the black screen with a little blob moving I realize that’s my baby. My baby has a strong heartbeat. Tears fill my eyes. This is the best day. “Baby,” I whisper. “Hi.” “Oh,” Mandy covers her mouth and holds her phone. “I have to record this.” Reaching over, I touch the screen. “Hi,” I say again. “Everything looks great. Baby’s heartbeat is strong and growth is right on schedule. Keep doing what you’re doing. Now any indications of pain or bleeding please be sure to come right here or go straight to the hospital.” “I mean, I’m having some cramps and getting headaches. My sickness is really bad too. I know this is my first pregnancy so maybe my body is adjusting?” He looks at me and then back at the screen. “Well, I am concerned. Your vitals are coming back normal and I don’t see anything else wrong. I’d like you to come back in about three weeks so we can see how things are.” I nod. “Okay, keep monitoring the pain and if it worsens, I need you to come back.” “Sounds good. Thank you Doctor.” Leaving the doctor’s office to head home, I’m on cloud nine. Everything looks good with baby and I’m feeling better. I want this baby to have the best life and now hearing his or her heartbeat, I know what I’ll need to do. Mandy drops me off and I wave bye to her. Looking at Tyler’s house, I’m about to cross my driveway to get to his when I see Serena walking out with a bag over her shoulder. She’s talking to Tyler, touching his arm, and they’re both laughing. Not wanting to stay to watch, I turn around and head back inside. Slouching on the couch, my hands are on my stomach again. Even though telling Tyler is the right thing, I can’t now, not after what I saw. He tells me Serena’s a friend, but they’re too close. She’s beautiful and he’s single. I told him to find someone who’ll love him and make him happy. “Looks like it’ll just be us, baby.” I rub my stomach. “We won’t be alone. You’ll have your crazy and loving Aunt Mandy, and Uncle Damon. Seth will be around too. Maybe he’ll want you to call him Uncle

Seth. There’s going to be so many people who’ll love you like grandma and grandpa. They don’t know about you yet. But they will. They’re with your other grandma in Colorado. I wish you could meet your Uncle Ryan.” I wipe tears from my eyes. “I bet you he’s smiling down on us now,” I whisper. “Can you feel that?” I close my eyes and tilt my head back. “Ryan, we heard your nephew or niece’s heartbeat today. It’s so strong and the doctor said everything is going well.” My baby will have a wonderful and loving life. He or she will always know love and what it’s like to have dreams and I’ll be there every step of the way.



Tyler I’M STARING OUT from my porch, waiting for her to come to her parents’ house. Looking at the time on my watch, I count down until she’s here. Keeping myself busy with another journal entry, I look at the words I’ve written. Another day without you. I think about how it feels to feel you underneath me and it’s driving me crazy not to touch you. You’re pushing me away again and I get it. I do. I wish we could start over and forget about the past. This journal holds my heart and I plan to give it to her soon. I’m not sure when, but I’ll know when it’ll be the right time. Seeing her car pull in, I set down the journal and race over just in time to open her car door. “Jesus,” she yells. “What the hell, Tyler?! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” I smirk and hold the door open, and watch her glaring eyes. It’s been a few days since we talked. I don’t believe her lame excuses about being busy anymore. She’s not slipping through my fingers again. I’ll chain her to my bed if I have to. The thought of chains, bed and Bayleigh leaves my dick hard and fuck, I’m dead. Taking her bags from her hand, she tries to stop me, but I walk away and into her house. Our gazes meet when I open the door for her and I notice the dark circles under her eyes. She thinks she’s clever concealing her exhaustion and sadness with makeup. I hate myself for leaving her when she needed me and for fucking things up. “You can leave the bags on the counter, and then you can go back out the same way you came in. I’m tired and all I want is to relax and not think about you.” “When did you get feisty? Sexy as hell.” I walk up to her, watching the way she’s breathing, and I don’t miss the little soft moan that escapes her as I do. “What are you thinking about?” I whisper. “Are you thinking about my lips on yours?” “No,” she responds and backs away until we’re leaning against the sink counter. Her pouty lips are full and all I can think about is our lips meeting and showing her how much I miss her. Following her, I place my arms on the counter, caging her inside. Her eyes don’t leave mine and our faces are inches apart. “Don’t lie to me.” “What do you want me to say?” “Tell me what you’re feeling.” I softly brush my lips on her cheek and pull back to see the desire in her eyes. “I’ll start. You drive me crazy. I think about you all the time. I dream about you and when I jack off it’s you I see and your name I moan out.” “Oh,” she whispers. Her body trembles to my words. “I think about you a lot.” She admits and her cheeks turn pink.

“Good. You better think about me.” I smirk and back away from her. Sitting on a bar stool at the table. She puts things away and turns to look at me. “We need to talk, Bay.” “Even though I think about you it doesn’t mean I’m ready to talk yet. I’m not ready for all of this. You being here is confusing. How can I handle it?” “You handle it because you want to. We have choices in life. Either you want me or you don’t. There’s no in-between.” “I know I want you, Tyler. It’s not easy right now. I need space please.” I hear the sadness and anger in her voice. Her lower lip quivers and it’s taking everything in me to not pull her into my arms. “I am here. Here! Right in front of you. All I want to do is talk. You can’t hide anymore.” “I’m not hiding.” “Then act like a human being. Someone who wants answers. I don’t get the sudden change. What the hell is wrong with you?” She turns around and narrows her eyes at me. “A human being? Like you? You left when things got hard. You were awful to your brother. You weren’t there when I needed you or here for your mom. You come back thinking you can swoop in and take care of everything. News flash Tyler, you can’t. What’s done is done.” “And every day I regret leaving. Do you think I wanted to be back in California? Away from my family? Away from you?” I scream and see her flinch. “Leaving is one of the biggest regrets I have. I know you know how it feels to be lost and confused. My mom is gone and my brother is dead. Who do I have left, Bayleigh?” My heart races, hearing her words in my head and standing before her. “All I want is to feel something and talk to you. I need you to understand. I need you back in my life.” “I don’t know how to make you feel the way you need to. Right now there’s nothing to talk about and I don’t want to be near you.” All the air I have in my body is gone. I feel like I’ve been punched and my body is fighting to grasp onto something. Onto anything. “Bay please,” I reach out for her and she moves away from me. The look on her face shows me she wants me to fight, and it shows her disgust for me. And that look stops me. I pull back my arm and back away. I’ve hurt her and the look she’s giving me shows she’ll never forgive me. When she looks away, and doesn’t give us a chance to talk, I lose it. “Fine,” I scream, “whatever, Bay. I tried and I apologized over and over again. I’m not going to stand here and be belittled by you. I made mistakes and you did too. Don’t stand there acting like you’re perfect because we’ve both made mistakes. That’s part of life!” “I need time . . .” I stop her before she can finish talking. “That’s all it is with you. Time. You need time to figure out shit and I’m standing here alone and fighting when you have no idea what it’s like to fight. You just don’t know,” I sigh and walk away. Before I reach the door I turn back around, “Do you like being alone?” “I’m not alone,” she mutters and looks away from me. “Whatever, Bay.” My jaw grinds together and holds back my words. There’s more I can say. Only I know it won’t make a difference. No matter what I say, she’ll never listen or care. She’ll say the same things over again and it’ll leave both of us frustrated. I’ve tried for years. She was the biggest part of my life and now she’s a chapter I need to close. An ache bursts in my heart, stealing the oxygen I need, blinding the reality I need to face. Everything with Bayleigh is withering away. Everything we’re feeling is real and we’ve lost. “Maybe someday, right?” I walk away not saying anything else or hearing what she wants to say.



Bayleigh IT’S FINALLY FRIDAY and I’m hanging out with Mandy. While she drinks wine, I have water with fruit. Sitting outside on a nice day feels good. The weather is whacky. It’s seventy degrees in the middle of November. Go figure. “Okay, so I’m thinking that we should get these as favors. What do you think?” I look at the picture of a mini Mason jar filled with jam. “Oh, this is different!” “Yeah, I think so too. Damon and I love strawberry jam and it’s a summer wedding, so I think it’ll be great!” “I’m going to be a blimp at your wedding. I’m so sorry.” “Don’t be,” Mandy smiles. “So Alice had to travel to Africa for work, “she sadly tells me. “Even though she and I aren’t close, I wish she were here. This is my special day. She sent me a gift card to Del Monte. Do you think you want to come with me?” “Of course. And don’t worry about Alice. You know she loves you.” “I know,” Mandy looks down, and then perks back up. “So I’m thinking instead of getting married in June, we push the wedding to March!” “What?” “Yeah, I have no problem doing it. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable and the invitations haven’t gone out yet. So why not?” “Because it’s March and you love summer. It’ll ruin everything,” I cry. “I hate being pregnant. I’m supposed to be here for you. You’re my best friend and you’re getting married. Now you’re worrying about my pregnant ass. I mean, we can’t even go to Vegas and you were looking forward to that trip. I ruin everything.” Mandy brings me into her arms and rocks me like a baby. “Shh. I know those are the hormones and you’re having a tough time with this. It was Damon’s idea to push up the wedding. We love you, sweetie, and we want the best for you. Plus he wants to get married as soon as possible and start a life with me. So you being pregnant is a blessing.” I sniff back the tears. “Are you sure?” “Yes!” “Okay fine,” I muster up a smile. “Let’s move it! We have a wedding to plan in less than four months!” Heading back to my apartment, I lock the door and change into a long shirt and power up my Kindle. It’s been a long day and I want to relax and unwind right now. Lighting up a few candles, I head to the kitchen and turn on the Keurig for hot water. Maybe a cup of tea will help me relax. Looking for relaxation tea I got from Teavana, I find the box and grab a mug from the cabinet. Taking my cup of tea to the bedroom, I settle in bed with my Kindle and pull up the latest book I’ve been reading. The quiet apartment is nice and I have to admit I like being alone right now. I’m not in the mood to be around anyone or talk. Sometimes when life gets too hectic, it’s nice to pull

away and take a step back. Sipping on my tea, I sit up in bed and put down my Kindle. Placing my hand on my stomach, I look down and smile. “So your heartbeat is strong and Doctor Wells says you’re doing well. He’s not too worried about the pain, but tells me to be careful and not stress out. Maybe we should tell your daddy that, huh? I cry thinking about the other day. Seeing Serena with him and not being honest is killing me. I shouldn’t have been so mean to him. He has every right not to text me or try to see me. I didn’t handle it very well and now I have to deal with that. “Mommy acted a little crazy when she saw Daddy. Do you know how much I love him, baby?” I smile, rubbing my stomach. I love talking to my baby. “Do you think I should text him and apologize? I wait a few moments and decide to call him. Pressing his contact information, I wait for the call to connect. He answers on the third ring. “Hey.” The response is clipped and short. “What’s up?” I hate how casual he’s being. “Hi, I’m sorry if I’m bothering you.” I can hear voices in the background so I know he’s out. “I just wanted to apologize.” “Yeah sure, no worries. We’re good. I’m out right now so I’ll talk to you later.” “Oh yeah, okay sure. Have a good night.” “Yeah, you too.”

Tyler “A LITTLE HARSH, don’t you think?” Serena asks me. We’re out at Next Door Bar and Grill. I have to agree I was being an asshole. I’m so pissed about what happened between us. I know I shouldn’t have taken it out on her and I get it, then again I don’t get it. How can we be friends if she freaks out every time I try to talk to her or be there for her? I needed a night away from Bayleigh and thinking about her. I’m losing my mind and I don’t know what else to do. The next couple of hours pass before Serena and I go our separate ways. Getting in my car, I pull out my phone and see a few messages from Mandy. Mandy: Hey are you busy? Mandy: Damon surprised me with a bed and breakfast and I’m away until Sunday. I tried calling Bayleigh to see how she’s doing because she was really tired today. Can you go check on her? She isn’t answering Fuck. Me: Yeah. I have a spare so I’ll check on her . . . Is something wrong with her? Mandy: I don’t know. Usually we talk, and yeah I saw her earlier today . . . I don’t know . . . Weird feeling Me: We had a fight. I don’t want to bust through her door and find her okay then get in another screaming match with her Mandy: Well first I didn’t know and second don’t fight with her . . . You know how she is Me: I do and I’m sick of walking around on egg shells. Don’t my feelings matter? Don’t I deserve to know what’s going on?

Mandy: Yes . . . But give it time . . . Me: Whatever. Yeah I’m on my way to her place Mandy: Thank you! When I get to her apartment, I contemplate what I’m really doing. She’s probably fine if Mandy saw her earlier. I hold the key between my fingers and stare at the door. She won’t want to see me, and honestly, I don’t want to see her. Continuing to stare at her door I battle with my internal war building and let out a grown. Fuck it. Using the key, I open the door and follow the light to her bedroom. “Bay!” I yell before opening her door. A sharp tingle spreads through my body when I find her on the floor. Darting to her, I bend down and notice the dark circles under her eyes. Carefully lifting her up in my arms, I feel her shake as she releases a moan. “No, put me down. I’m so tired.” Her body heat radiates into mine. “Shh, I got you.” She’s burning up. I wonder how long she’s been on the floor. “You’re going to be okay.” She doesn’t respond. Laying her down, I sit back and look at the damp shirt she has on. It’s riding up her body, showing her long legs and thighs. Fuck. Getting up, I go to her drawer and grab another shirt. Lifting the shirt over her head, I notice she’s not wearing a bra. Holy fucking hell. Taking one quick look at her, I throw the damp shirt on the floor and carefully put another shirt on her. The fantasy of taking her fills me. Getting up, I head to the bathroom, grab washcloths, and run them under cool water. When I return, she’s lying on her right side, her hands tucked under her head and she looks peaceful. I touch her forehead, feel how hot she still is, and place a washcloth on her forehead. A moan slips from her lips and she turns over on her back. Her hand rests on mine and a small smile comes over her face. I hope she knows I’m here, and I’m doing everything I can to make sure she’s okay. Her hand moves into mine, entwining her fingers with mine, and she’s holding onto me, like she needs me. I don’t care if she has a fever and she’s delusional, this moment tells me not to give up. Smoothing the washcloth against her face and feeling her heated face, I get up in search of medicine. Going through her cabinets, I finally find Tylenol and luckily, it’s liquid. Rushing back in with the medicine and cup of water I gently pick her up, put the medicine to her lips, and tip it back. “Take this, baby,” I whisper and see her swallow. “Good girl, angel.” I kiss the side of her head and give her water. Taking out my phone to check out the news or something to keep me awake, I go through Facebook and Instagram. Not realizing how much time has passed, I check on Bayleigh and her body feels cooler. Letting out a sigh, I decide to stay over and make sure she’s okay.



Tyler I DIDN’T HEAR from Bayleigh when I left the next morning. She smiled and thanked me for staying with her. I felt like she wanted me to leave so I did. I kept busy at the gym and work. I’m not going to let this get to my head. Walking into Damon’s building, I see Seth and Bayleigh privately talking. Serena looks at them too and tells me to ignore it. “No. I’m going to wait here for her.” She sighs, “Okay. I’ll see you up there.” I watch as Seth touches her hand and my blood boils. I can’t tell if she’s smiling or what. When she turns around and sees me, her wide eyes of surprise piss me off. Maybe I shouldn’t say anything. Maybe I shouldn’t let her know that scene in front of me hurts. I don’t want to be possessive or jealous. “Hey, Ty. What are you doing here?” “We have a meeting Damon requested. Is everything okay?” I calmly ask. She nervously shifts her feet. Why is she nervous? What the hell is going on with her? It’s been almost a month since I’ve come home and we’re not making much progress. “Yeah, everything’s fine,” she smiles. “Thank you again for taking care of me. I owe you.” She looks over and sees Serena with Seth as they wait for the elevator. Her body tenses and there’s hurt in her eyes. “You don’t owe me anything. I want to take care of you, baby.” I shake my head. I could be an asshole and tell her she owes me dinner or a date. I can see in her eyes that she’s confused and hurt. If Serena is causing this rift between us, then I’ll fix it. She knows I’m only her friend. Fuck, she’s dating my best friend. Standing before her, so close to her, and not touching her, is driving me crazy. My fingers lightly touch her cheeks down to her lips. I feel the tremble underneath and smile. My touch affects her. “Bay,” I said and lean in closer, kissing her cheek. “Just want you to know how beautiful you look right now.” She lifts her eyes to mine and the glossy look is killing me. The desire is spilling out and I need a taste. I need something. Taking her hand, I rush to the nearest bathroom. She doesn’t reject me. Finding one in the corner of the building in the lobby, I walk in and close the door. Locking the door, I turn to face her. Stepping closer, I watch her chest rising and falling. “Tyler.” When I get close enough, I place my hands on her face and bring her lips to mine. She doesn’t push me away and her hands wrap around my waist. My hands move down her face and pick her up to sit on the counter. The little moans are driving me crazy. Today she’s wearing a black skirt with a loose button down shirt. Sliding my hand along her calves and thighs, I wait for her to say stop. I inch closer to her sex and don’t hear her reject the idea. Removing my lips from hers, I kiss her neck and use my other hand to unbutton her shirt. Her cleavage is in my face and fuck, her boobs look bigger.

“Fuck, Bay,” I mutter and kiss her chest, feeling her hands in my hair. “Oh yes, Tyler. Yes.” If I’m dreaming, I’m going to be pissed. This is the sweetest torture and all I want is her and to feel everything she wants to give me. It feels real. She’s sitting before me and I’m touching her. “Do you like my lips on you, baby?” “Yes,” she whispers. “Very much so.” “Do you need some relief?” She moans and I take that as a yes. Sliding my fingers into her wet pussy, I watch her throw her head back and moan in ecstasy. I’m going to blow a load in my pants. Holy shit, this is beyond sexy. Pumping my fingers faster, her pussy tightens. Her head is resting on my shoulder, as she’s panting and wanting more. Giving her what she wants, I feel her teeth biting my shoulders and hear her release. “Wow,” she mutters, “Wow.” Sliding my fingers, out I bring them to my lips and she watches me with heated fascination. “You taste so good, Bay.” “We should probably get going.” She looks away and straightens out her clothes. I help her down and kiss her again. She’s not leaving until she knows we both wanted this. “Please don’t regret this.” “I don’t,” she smiles and kisses me again. “I promise.” I can fuck every woman on the planet and still no one will compare to her. I’ve tasted her, felt her, and seen the looks of pleasure on her face. No one else gets me like she does. It’s never like this with anyone else. She’s the best. I’m looking at her and trying to find an answer, but coming up empty. “Go ahead and I’ll meet you.” “Are you sure?” she asks. “Yeah,” I nod and watch her leave. Slamming my fists against the counter, I let out a frustrated groan, muttering a string of curse words. Even though she’s telling me she doesn’t regret it, maybe she’s sparing my feelings. I don’t know what she’s thinking. Everything felt right. She wanted it just like I did. The timeline of our love story is beyond fucked up. Breaking up with me. Pushing me out of her life. Falling for Ryan. Pushing me out of her life again. This should give me reason to leave. But I don’t. Things may not always go the way we want, and that’s okay. The look in her eyes, when she looked at me while I finger fucked her is all I need to know that she wants me. Sure we were both horny as hell, but I didn’t mix desire and love.



Bayleigh I HAVE ISSUES. That’s the only thing that makes sense in my head. Why would I let that happen? Sitting in the conference room, trying hard to take notes and make suggestions to give to Damon later, is beyond hard. No, I take that back. It’s impossible. He’s watching me with sex eyes and all I can think about are his fingers and the way he took my body from level one to level I can’t even. Then the way he licked his fingers. Is it hot in here? “Bayleigh, make sure you get that down?” “Yep,” I answer. “Got it.” I have to pull myself together before I do something else without thinking. These damn hormones are making me beyond horny and I needed that relief like there’s no tomorrow. I have to learn how to control myself around Tyler. After the meeting, I rush out before Tyler can say anything to me. Sitting down at my desk, I rub my face and start my email to Damon. Mandy walks in with a smile on her face and sits down. “So why were you late to the meeting?” “Oh you know,” I wave her off and focus on the computer. “No I don’t know, so why don’t you tell me.” “I ah, well you see.” “Oh my God Bayleigh Renee Murphy, did you do something naughty?” I nod my head. “How naughty?” “He fingered me in the bathroom,” I cover my face. “Mandy it was like,” I raise my hands in the air and flair out my fingers like an explosion. “It was like Niagara Falls in my vajayjay. If I could have jumped on him and fucked him, I would have.” Mandy fans herself. “Oh my, well you do know that being pregnant makes you horny.” She smirks. “I mean, you haven’t had sex in a while.” She leans in closer, “And have you seen your man in a suit?” “He’s not my man.” “Oh but he is, sweetie. Seriously, Tyler’s always been hot, but damn he’s like panty dropping hot in a suit with his muscles.” “Thank you, I’m horny again,” I laugh and Mandy joins. This will be fine. I can be around Tyler and we’ll be fine. Today we got caught up in the heat of things and my hormones won. Around five, I pack my things and head home. I need a cup of tea, my Kindle and a blanket. So glad today’s over and I can relax. Pulling into my parking spot, I get out of the car and head inside. Walking in, I smell something cooking. The hairs on my neck stand. Who the hell is in my apartment?

Slowly backing away, I try to grab the doorknob. Before I can bolt out, I see Tyler poking his head out with a smile on his face. “Welcome home, Bay.” “Ah, hi?” I walk in, put my things down and head to the kitchen. “What are you doing here?” I know he has the key to my apartment and that’s okay. I’m not sure how I feel about him standing in my kitchen making dinner though. This feels too real. It feels like we’re back together and I’m not sure we’re ready for that. Not yet. “Making dinner for my favorite girl.” I blush, reaching up to grab plates, and trying to stay busy. I can feel his eyes on me and it’s nearly making me weak in the knees. How am I supposed to be okay knowing he’s here in my apartment looking like that? “Okay well, give me a minute so I can change.” “Sure,” he answers and watches me walk out. Muttering a few curse words, I change out of my clothes and dig around for shorts and a shirt. “Damn, you’re fucking beautiful.” I turn around and see Tyler standing in the doorway. He seductively walks in and my breathing hits the roof. His hand brushes over my skin and the heat from his body reaches mine. Being so close to him is making me shiver and driving me wild. I need to tell him to go. He can’t be in my room while I’m standing in my bra and panties. “So beautiful.” His lips touch my shoulder, causing me to drop my clothes and wrap my arms around his shoulders. He’s taking all my willpower. Damn you, Tyler. My head falls back, giving him more room so I can feel his lips on me. His hands move up my sides, to my breasts, holding and rubbing. “Ahh,” I let out, quickly taking off my bra so I can feel his hands on me. I want him so bad. Screw everything I said. Pulling him over to my bed, I fall down, looking into his eyes, hoping he’ll give me what I need. “Tell me you want me,” he says, slowly taking off his shirt. “I want you.” Soon his clothes are off, except his boxer briefs, and he’s hovering over me, giving my body what I need. Sliding his tongue down and pulling down my panties, he lifts my legs and spreads them wide. “You’re so wet,” he tells me and slides his tongue over my clit, causing my back to raise from the bed. “So good.” His hungry tongue drinks my wetness. It feels so good. Sucking, licking and giving me what I need. Tyler’s eyes meet mine. I can’t explain how sexy it is to watch him lick and suck me. “Your pussy will always be mine.” His words send me to the edge and I lock my thighs on his head. This makes me crazy and he slides his tongue in and out of my pussy. With another flick of his tongue, I come again. “Mine,” he mumbles between sucking, “Always mine. You’re my forever.” At this point he can ask me to marry him and I’ll say yes. “Please, I need you so bad.” Understanding what I need, he takes off his boxer briefs and slides inside me, rocking back and forth. Holy shit, he’s never been this rough with me. “You feel so fucking good, Bay.” “Harder!” I scream. “Fuck me harder.” “Holy shit,” he moans, gripping my hips and thrusting deeper inside me. He completely fills me and it’s heavenly. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I bring him down to kiss him. My tongue meets his and our kiss is sexy, passionate and full of desire.

“Let me ride you.” He eyes me and slowly pulls out, lying down on my bed and lifting me up. I slowly guide myself on top of him and feel all of him. “Ahh,” he moans, closing his eyes. The grip he has on me gets tighter. I ride him faster, playing with my breasts and hearing both our moans. “Shit, Bay. Are you close? Fuck baby, I’m going to come.” “Yeah,” I scream. “So close. Oh God! Oh!” Finding our release, I collapse on top of him, feeling his fingers playing with my back. He smothers me with kisses and I feel safe in his arms again. “I love you, Bay. I love you so much it hurts. When I see you, my heart breaks because I can’t touch you. Please tell me you love me. Tell me this isn’t a dream because if I’m dreaming right now, then I want to sleep forever.”



Tyler BAYLEIGH GETS OFF me and lies next to me, on her side, with a satisfied smile on her face. “Hold on,” I get up and head to the bathroom with a washcloth. “Let me clean you up.” “Okay,” she smiles and watches me. I love the way she’s watching me. I love being here and cleaning her up. There’s something about knowing my dick was in her, and I’m the one cleaning her. No one else will fucking have this. Mine. Always mine. After putting on my clothes and getting back into bed with her, I stroke her arm and feel her body tense. “Bay?” “I think we should eat that dinner.” Before I can say anything else, she gets out of bed and puts on clothes. Following her moves, I put on my clothes and walk out a few moments after her. In the kitchen, she moves and puts food on both of our plates and brings them to the table. “Eat.” Her tone is friendly, but I know that look on her face. I didn’t do anything she didn’t want. If she didn’t want to have sex with me, then all she had to do was say no. Throughout our little adventure, she never once said no, so what the fuck is going on? The weird vibe and distance between us is confusing the fuck out of me. Cautiously I sit down, not next to her, but across from her. She’s not looking at me and continues to look down at her plate. We eat dinner in silence and she plays with the chicken, only eating the pasta and vegetables. I try to think about something to say and I can’t come up with anything. This is killing me. She could set me on fire and it wouldn’t be as painful as what I’m feeling now. Having enough of this bullshit, I drop my fork and look at her. “What did I do wrong?” “You didn’t . . .” she pauses and sighs. “You didn’t do anything wrong. This is wrong. I shouldn’t have done that with you and I couldn’t say no.” “So you regret it?” “I don’t know. All I know is I need space and you aren’t giving that to me. I’m still upset about a lot that happened. When I look at you, I see her.” “And I shouldn’t be upset that you fell in love with my brother? How do you think I feel when we’re together and you smile at me? Sometimes I think you want me to be Ryan, then you can truly be happy.” “I didn’t sleep with Ryan. Unlike you sleeping with Anna, after we made love. And what you’re saying is so wrong. Yes, I admit I fell in love with the both of you, but I always knew it was you. I never had to sleep with anyone else to figure that out.” Pushing myself away from the table, I look at her and lose my shit. She’s going to know now I’m done playing the blame game. What happened just happened and it’s either we move on from the situation or

from each other. “You have two options, Bayleigh. The first, you walk away from me because I refuse to be the one to walk away. If you choose option one then we are done forever, and I’m heading to Colorado. Option two, you learn how to move on from what happened and work on being with me.” I tell her, my voice calm and commanding. Her eyes are wide and she’s keeping her stare on me. “Pick.” “I want to forgive you, but I need to forgive myself. What I did to you was awful and I put you through hell,” she tells me and slowly I calm down. “I do need space.” “So, what does this mean?” “I have two options for you too. The first, give me space or the second, you can walk away.” “Okay.” I lean down and kiss her forehead, and walk out of the apartment before she can say anything else. Sitting in my Jeep, I think about her and what happened between us. If there’s one thing Bayleigh has, it is power over me. With her sexy eyes and sweet mouth she can knock me down so fast and not even blink an eye. I can challenge her and push her, but at the end of the day, I’m still a love sick fool waiting. I’ll never leave her. I give Bayleigh a couple of days to think about what happened and hope she comes to her senses. I’m giving her space and doing what she needs. During the meetings, I don’t pay attention to her and focus on the meeting. Serena tries to talk to me and I brush her off. I don’t want to talk to anyone or hear any advice. Mandy asked me to dinner and I said no. Serena wanted to go get drinks and I told her no. I didn’t want anyone around me. Only Bayleigh. We have too much we need to talk about and we’re going to figure all of this out soon before I lose my mind again. A knock on my door gets my attention and I rush over, hoping it’s her. Opening the door, I see Serena with a bottle of wine and food. “Serena,” I say and let her in. “Not a good time.” “I think this is a great time. You need to talk and vent and I need to be here for my friend. So, come sit down and eat.” I do as she says and we sit down on the couch. She hands me a container of food and she goes to the kitchen to grab wine glasses. Sitting back down and handing me a glass, I lean back and take a sip of my wine. “Do you know how amazing she is?” “Yeah, I do. She’s really sweet. I get why you love her.” “I don’t only love her. She owns me. She owns my heart, body, mind and soul. Completely. When I look at her, I see perfection. I see what I want and need.” “But?” “But she keeps pushing me away and asking for space. I hurt her by sleeping with Anna and even though I understand why she fell in love with Ryan, I also understand why she can’t get over me and Anna.” I pause and finish my wine, pouring another glass. “All I can say is be patient. You love her and she owns you. You’re not going to find another love like that even if you tried to look.” “Yeah.” My phone vibrates in my pocket. It’s my mom. “Be back, my mom is calling.” “Okay.”

Bayleigh

THE DESPERATION AND plea in his voice is all I can hear. He’s giving me the space I asked for, and even though it’s what I want, it’s not what I truly want. Seeing him almost every day is killing me. He won’t look at me or give me attention. During the meetings he’s not rude, but it’s different. Walking out of the conference room, I look and see Serena and Tyler walking together to the elevator. Since the night at my apartment, he doesn’t have a pained expression or anything. Maybe he’s realizing I’m too much of a headache and is moving on to someone who’ll appreciate him. “Let’s go for lunch.” I turn around and see Seth standing with his hands in his pocket. He tilts his head to the side and extends his hand to me. I willingly take it and we head out to lunch. Sitting down at Pane Vino, I don’t say much and Seth looks at me. We’re waiting for our food and I feel out of place. Some days I wish I could leave this place and start over. This is the third time Tyler and I have been in this position. Maybe we’ve run out of steam and we’re supposed to move on. How can I forget him and move on when he’s on my mind? How can I not want him when inside I know he’s my forever? Love can’t be controlled. It’s a feeling not everyone feels. Only, love doesn’t see the mistakes we make and there’s no rule or formula to get over the hurt. “Can I say something?” “Sure,” I tell Seth. “If you want to be with Tyler, then be with him. If you want to move on, then move on. You keep going back to the last few chapters of your life. How do you expect to write a new chapter if you keep moving backwards? The past can be rewritten. The past is the past and it happened for a reason.” “It’s not that simple.” “But it is,” he explains. “You’re making it complicated. This whole back and forth isn’t fair for either of you. Think about how he’s feeling and what you’re putting him through. I don’t get your fear. He’s not going to hurt you.” “I don’t know that.” “Yes you do,” Seth emphasizes each word. “You’re selfish, Bayleigh, and I don’t care if that hurts your feelings.” I don’t respond. I am being selfish. I have sex with him and listen to him pour his heart to me and then let him go. Who am I? On top of that I’m carrying his child and he has no idea. Everything is being clear and I hate the person I am. What am I doing? “You sound like Mandy.” “Well, you did tell me I’m the female version of her,” he smirks. “Listen, I love you and care about you.” I nod. “You know I’m always going to be on your side, but we’re not going to be safe around you. Bayleigh, he’s in love with you. Either take it or leave it.” As much as it hurts to hear the truth, he’s right. I can’t hold this mistake over his head and try to be the innocent one. The heat in my cheeks burns and I hate to admit I’m being incredibly selfish. I’m holding this invisible wall against Tyler because I can. My emotions hit a wall, over and over, working on overdrive. I feel incapable of forming words and Seth sees my near nervous breakdown. “Come on, let’s go.” He gets the server’s attention and pays in cash, then guides me out of the restaurant. As soon as I’m in the car, I rest my head against the dashboard and grit my teeth, suppressing the scream forming in my throat. Why can’t I admit I want him back and don’t need space? Why? What the fuck is wrong with me? I place my hand on my stomach and remember to keep my stress low. Breathing in and out, I sit back up and look out the window. Seth’s hand is in mine and we sit in silence while I wallow in my own selfpity. “Please,” I softly beg. Wiping the tear from my cheek, I close my eyes and feel my heart slowly beat.

“Please tell me how I can fix this.” “You know what you need to do,” Seth tells me. The worst part about all of this is he doesn’t know about Baby Scott and I’m purposely holding this back from him. The pain I feel from the thought of keeping this secret and thinking about his reaction is giving me anxiety. Time didn’t heal his soft touch or the way his kisses make me weak. I simply miss him. The next day after work, I head to my parent’s house and lounge around until I find the courage to get up and march over to get what’s mine. After mindlessly watching reruns of Law and Order SVU, I grab my hoodie and walk outside to his house. I can do this. Everything will be okay. I take a breath in and let it slowly out. Stepping onto his porch, I walk in and shout his name. Before I can call for him again, I see Serena with a tank top on and her face looks flushed. “Hey!” She smiles.” Everything okay?” “Ah, yeah.” I don’t finish my sentence. Instead, I rush out of his house and back to my car. I’m an idiot. Of course she would be here with him and mostly naked. It makes sense. Tyler’s sick of my games and he’s sick of waiting for me. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I mutter how stupid I am. He deserves to be happy. I messed up and I’m the only one to blame. He didn’t want to wait for me and why should he? He’s been waiting for years and all I do is play a game of tug and war. He ends up as the loser every time. “Bay! Wait!” I turn around and see him run over to me. “Stop, please,” he begs. “I’m sorry for coming over unannounced and interrupting.” “You weren’t. Serena came over and brought me dinner. She spilled wine on her shirt. Nothing is going on.” “Oh.” “What you saw in my house is nothing. Serena is a very good friend who is there for me. She helped me when I was in a dark place. That’s all. I’ve been waiting for you to come to me and giving you the space you need. I love you and only you. There’s no one else.” “I love you too,” I finally tell him again. “I love you so much and I want things to be good with us.” Hating the space between us, I break it and jump in his arms. “Forever. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting. I’m sorry for everything.” “I know you are.” His arms hold me tight. Resting my head against his chest, I feel warm and safe. This is where I belong. Giving him a kiss on the lips, I tell him to meet me later at my apartment. Not wanting to leave him, I should give him time with his best friend. If this is the start of us, then I need to trust him and believe he’ll always come back to me. Around nine in the evening Tyler walks in and rushes to my bed. His lips are on mine and soon we’re both naked and he’s sliding into me. “God I want you so bad,” he tells me, and places his lips on me. “Say you’re mine,” he commands. “I’m yours,” I tell him. “Yours forever.” “No more games,” his body stills. “No more games.” After a few rounds of passionate sex, I fall asleep in Tyler’s arms and feel him hold me closer to his body. I’m his forever. The next few days go by slowly. I’m working a little more than I should to get work done and meetings scheduled. The report I’m looking at now doesn’t make sense and everyone’s in a meeting. Writing down my questions, I hear my phone vibrate on my desk. Picking up my phone, I see it’s a text from Tyler.

Tyler: Have lunch with me today My stomach growls when I read the text. I haven’t had a lot to eat today and I’m useless right now. I should see him and not be a raging bitch. Me: Sure. Where do you want to meet? Tyler: Tony D’s sound good to you? Or how about sushi? Me: No sushi. Tony D’s is good. Tyler: No sushi? Wow never thought I’d hear you say those words. I’ll come pick you up. Me: I can drive. Tyler: I’ll come pick you up. I roll my eyes, grab my things and head downstairs. There’s never winning with him. Getting to the lobby, I walk outside to find Tyler waiting for me. I smile and get in the car, as he drives into traffic and heads to the restaurant. “How’s your day?” He kisses me. “Good,” he tells me. “It’s a little busy. Nothing I can’t handle.” “Always good to hear.” His hand rests on my knee, sending signals, alerting my body of his touch. Everything heightens and my breathing quickens. Damn you, Tyler. “So I hate asking, but are we back together?” Gripping his hand, and giving him a squeeze, he turns to look at me. I smile and hope this is the answer he’s looking for. Now to tell him the truth.



Tyler PACING AROUND MY house, I think about Bayleigh and wonder what she’s doing. It’s the weekend and she’s working so much. We haven’t had the chance to talk or hang out. Needing to know where she is since she’s not answering my calls, I call Mandy. “Yes, Tyler?” I hear the smile in her voice. “Is she okay? I haven’t seen anything over at her house.” “Hmmm,” Mandy responds, “Actually, I haven’t heard from her in a few days. I’m away right now with Damon. Do you think you can check on her?” There’s a hint of worry to her voice I know she’s hiding. A sharp pain tingles down my body. They’re best friends. Why hasn’t she heard from her? “Yep.” Even though I’m pissed off and hurt since no one’s heard from her. “I’ll let you know how she’s doing.” Disconnecting the call, I race over to her apartment, breaking every rule and use my spare key to walk in. Looking around, I see a few plates on the coffee table in the living room. There’s a blanket and a few pillows. Nothing out of the ordinary. “Bay!” I yell out, taking the stairs to her room. I walk in and see her bed’s been slept in, the smell of apples and cinnamon hitting my nose. Her favorite scent. I look around her room, looking at the pictures she has hanging on her wall. She still has our pictures up, including some of her and Ryan. I look at each one, comparing smiles, and the ache in my heart returns. Touching each picture, I’m fighting the tears of missing my brother and Bayleigh. Shaking my head, I open her bathroom door and dart inside. Bayleigh’s on her side, one arm extended out and another over her stomach. “Baby,” I pick her up in my arms and bring her to her bed. Rushing back to her bathroom, I wet a cold cloth and press it against for forehead. Dark circles are under her eyes and she looks pale. She shakes every now and then to my touch and her teeth quietly rattle. Bringing the blanket over her body, I brush her hair to the side and hold her hand. I text Mandy and tell her what’s going on. Mandy: Stay with her, Tyler. I’m two hours away and I don’t think we can leave anytime soon. How is she? Me: She seems okay. She’s pale and cold. Is she okay? What’s going on? Mandy: Not sure. Stay with her. I don’t believe a word Mandy’s saying. Something’s up and she knows. Bayleigh moves in her sleep, grabbing my hand and curling up against me. I slide her over and lay on top of her blankets. I let her hold me, and I don’t push her away. My eyes are on her face, traveling down her body, realizing she’s in a thin white shirt and she’s not wearing a bra. Thoughts of our last night

together attack my mind, reminding me how good she feels, hearing her moaning my name. My dick wakes up, at attention, and I know nothing’s going to happen. Only she’s not someone I can forget about. I’m going to hell for this. Here she is feeling sick and I’m thinking about how she’s not wearing a bra and how my dick wants to be reacquainted with her pussy. Time passes and I’m not sure what time it is. She’s still hugging me, and her leg is over mine. I don’t move. I don’t want to move. Watching her sleep, hearing her mumble, is what I want to do. “I need to tell you,” she whispers and I don’t respond. “You’re going to be so mad. I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t hate you. I want you to love me. Love us. Fight.” I look down and the words love us hit me. Who is us? It takes her a few hours to wake up and I’m sitting with her again. There are dark circles under her eyes and she looks tired. “What’s going on? Why do you look so tired?” “Not sleeping well,” she shrugs. “Things have been hard.” I rub her arms and lean over to kiss her forehead. “I have something to tell you. I don’t want you to hate me though.” “What is it, baby?” She tells me and looks away. “I’m pregnant.” My eyes go wide and all I can do is look at Bayleigh. Did I hear her right? She’s pregnant? I’m dreaming right now. Air isn’t getting in. I feel my body shake and sweat building along my forehead. Thinking about all the times I’ve seen her and how sick she’s been. It makes sense. The fact she’s been keeping this a secret and suffering alone is gutting me to my core. I should have known something was going on with her. “I’m so sorry.” She turns away and I see the tears coming down her cheeks. Fuck, I’m messing up again. “What are you sorry for?” I finally ask her. My voice is low and unsure. I’m still processing the news. “For this, being pregnant, making you come back home from California. I know you were living the life and now you’re here. It’s like I’m trapping you,” she sniffs, struggling to keep her voice calm. Closing the distance between us, I wrap her in my arms where she belongs. Her and our baby.



Bayleigh THE WORDS SLIP OUT so easily. I’ve made too many mistakes in the past and life is too short to live with regrets. That’s what Ryan taught me. If I’m feeling something then I need to talk about it. If something is going on then I need to let people in. I have people who love me and want to be there for me. I have to hold onto them, the way they’ve held onto me. “You’re pregnant.” “Yeah. I am. I’m carrying Baby Scott,” I tell him through my sobs. I let out a breath and allow myself to feel him. “I’m so sorry,” I tell him again. “Listen to me. You have nothing to be sorry for.” His hand brushes my cheek. “I like that nickname for our baby. It makes me smile. But I need you to understand I’m not upset or angry with you.” “I have everything to be sorry for, Ty. I didn’t tell you. You should have known.” He strokes my back up and down, trying to calm me down before I break out into ugly sobs again. “We’re going to have a baby,” he whispers, kissing the top of my head. “You aren’t mad?” I ask him. “No,” he pulls away. “I wouldn’t be mad about this. Sure, you should have told me sooner, but things haven’t been right between us. Now that I know, I want to take care of you. I don’t want you living alone. Why do you think that I’d be mad?” “Because I kept this from you and I don’t know. I’m afraid you’re going to be mad and think the baby is Ryan’s.” He kisses my forehead. “I know the baby is mine. For some reason, something tells me you and I created something special. I know you loved Ryan, but I also know you and know you didn’t sleep with him.” Hearing him say all of this brings love into my heart. I’ve been waiting for so long to have him back. Even though we’ve both made mistakes, our forever love is stronger than ever. “No one comes before you and our baby. Don’t ever think you took me away from California. I spent every single day miserable because we weren’t together.” I shake my head. I have no words. He’s telling me everything I want to hear. “I love you, Bay. When you walked into my life when we were five years old, everything changed for me. Seeing you grow from a girl to a beautiful woman makes my heart full. Nothing is ever going to come between us,” he kisses my lips three times and holds me tighter in his arms. “It’s us. Forever.” Life is full of fears and uncertainty. Sometimes your life is thrown offbeat and you have to find a way to get things back. There are twists, turns and obstacles standing in your way. It’s hard to find a balance between what you want and what you need. Finding out I’m pregnant with Tyler’s baby means the world to me. It feels like we’re finally on an even rhythm. Our baby is a gift. Our baby brought us together and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep this baby safe.

Sitting on Tyler’s lap, listening to his heart beating and feeling his hands on me brings me nothing but joy. I’m so glad he’s not bolting out the door. Men his age usually don’t want to settle down or have a baby. We’re both young and need to experience life. Maybe we’ll experience life in a whole new way. “I’m going to buy us a house,” he tells me. “It’ll be our fresh start.” Shaking my head, I break out of his embrace and look into his sweet blue eyes. “I don’t want that.” “What do you mean? We can’t live in this apartment and I’m not letting you stay alone. You’ve been sick and I need to take care of you.” Okay well, let’s back it up here. “Sweetie, you don’t need to take care of me. I am more than capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much.” “Okay,” he grits and his grip on my hands get tighter. “Second, your house, the house you and Ryan grew up in, is more than enough for me.” “But that’s where . . .” I nod. “Yes I know. I want our baby to be near Ryan.” “Fine,” he sighs. “Whatever you want. I’m calling movers tomorrow to get your things. For now we’ll sleep here and tomorrow will start a new day for us.” “Sounds perfect.” Kissing my lips again, we lie down on my bed. Curling up in his arms and throwing one leg over him, he softly sings me a song and my eyes get heavy. “Sweet dreams, Bay.” His hand rests on my stomach. “Goodnight my precious baby.” Oh, be still my heart. Waking up the next morning to texts from Mandy makes me smile. The girl is relentless. Mandy: Spa day please! Mandy: Wake up! Seriously I’m in desperate need of a girl’s day. It’ll be on Damon. Mandy: If you don’t wake up I’m going to find a new best friend! Me: You love me. And sure to the spa day. Let me get ready! Mandy: Be there in 30 Getting out of bed, I head to the bathroom and find a Post-It Note on the mirror. Baby, Have a great day. I love you more than life itself and I’m thrilled to be a dad. I can’t wait to see you tonight. Sorry I left without saying bye. Please know I’ll be thinking about you all day. I love you, Tyler After taking a shower and throwing on a black maxi skirt, a tank and cardigan I grab my purse and go downstairs. The doorbell rings and I answer it. Surprised to see who is on the other side. “Hi, Bayleigh.” “Hey, Serena. Come in.” I let her in and shut the door. “Tyler’s already in the office.” “I know.” “Oh, okay. So what’s up?” I’m not going to lie, this is weird. I’m not sure why she’s in my apartment or how she got in. Maybe someone let her? She doesn’t look crazy. “I wanted to know if we could talk.” “Sure.” I lead her to the couch and we sit down. “Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea?” “No, no. I’m okay.” She breathes and I can tell she’s nervous from the way she’s playing with her

hands and won’t look at me. “You don’t have to be nervous.” “Well,” she starts to say. “I know. I came over today hoping we can be friends. I’ve decided to move to Rochester and work alongside Tyler. Working with him is great and I’m learning more here than in California. Plus, with my relationship with Chad going downhill, I don’t want to go back. My family lives in Pennsylvania and I want to be close to them too. I didn’t want you to think I’m moving because of Tyler. Well, I mean I am, just not in that way. I don’t have feelings for him. I love him like a brother.” I listen to what she’s telling me and believe her. It must take a lot of courage for her to come over and talk to me. She didn’t have to either and I respect her for talking to me. “I’m really happy you came to me and we’re talking. I won’t lie, you intimidate me. You know things about Tyler he won’t tell me.” “Only his emotions. He doesn’t want you to feel guilty. I know you guys are in a good spot and congratulations.” “Thank you.” Tyler just found out and he already told Serena. I take a few calming breaths. He’s not keeping the baby a secret, so there’s a plus. He’s excited and wants people to know. That’s normal. “Please know we’re best friends like you and Ryan were.” My icy eyes look at her. Slight bits of anger and annoyance goes through me. She shouldn’t compare my relationship with Ryan to hers with Tyler. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not going to fall in love with him.” She slaps her hand to her head. “Okay, this isn’t going the way I want it to. I just want you to know that I want to be friends since I’m best friends with Tyler. I’d like us to be civil if that’s okay.” “Yeah, I’d like that too.” I mean what I say. She hasn’t done anything wrong. I should be thankful someone like her was by his side to comfort him when I couldn’t. Clearly she’s not a threat and I should be more secure with my relationship. “Do you want to come hang out with me and Mandy today?” “If you’re sure?” “Yeah,” I tell her. “It’ll be nice to get to know you more.” I smile and she returns the gesture. Mandy comes to get us and we head to La Bella Salon for a day of pampering. “Are you sure this is okay?” I look at Serena and nod. “Of course. You’re missing one day of work. Mandy misses most days too.” “Hey! I have a wedding to plan and I mean hello, I’m dating the boss, so it’s not like I’m taking advantage or anything.” She smirks and pulls into the spa parking lot. Getting out of the car, we head inside and check in with the front desk staff. The spa is nice inside and the ambience is relaxing. There’s soft music playing in the background and an assortment of teas and cucumber infused water is available for us. I love coming in the spa, especially with friends, and letting go of the stress. It’s nice to take some time to myself once in a while and forget about the outside world. I’m usually not one to always be here, but I’ll admit it’s nice to have this.



Tyler BY THE TIME Bayleigh and I are in bed, I see her yawning and curling by my side. Stroking her arm up and down, I hear her sighing. “Did you have fun at the spa?” “Yeah.” “That’s all you have to say?” “Serena and I are becoming friends. I like her,” she tells me and I listen. “She doesn’t want me to think she’s moving here because of you and I believe her. I think part of me is jealous because she saw a side of you I want to see.” “What do you mean?” “When we broke up and you went back to California,” she sighs. “I don’t know, Tyler. It makes me sad that you were so upset over us and part of me feels guilty.” Turning over on my side, placing my hand on hers, I look in her eyes and find peace. This is the only place I want to be. Despite our past and mistakes, we’re here now and that’s what matters. “It kind of upsets me you told Serena right away about Baby Scott. I know you’re excited and that’s great.” “She’s my best friend.” “I know that. I’m reminded a lot that she was there for you and helped you.” I’m listening to her and make sure I didn’t hear anything incorrectly. To be honest I never thought my friendship with Serena would cause issues. It’s true she was there for me and I appreciate everything she’s done. I don’t look at her with romance and love the way I do Bayleigh. “Baby, you are it for me. I know it’s hard to understand, and accept. Serena is only a friend. I see her like my little sister.” “I know.” I kiss her forehead and whisper how much I love her. As much as I want to bring up Ryan, I don’t. “Please know how much I love you.” “I know. I love you too.” Kissing her again, I tell her to go to sleep. As she drifts off to sleep, I hold her tighter in my arms and all I can see is the three of us and our lives together. Having a baby changes things, and all for the good. It’s making me want to be a better man and I want to do everything I can to make sure they’re both okay. The next day I’m off from work and the movers are bringing all of Bayleigh’s things over. Luckily, the landlord let Mandy out of the lease early without any penalties. Slowly, the boxes are filling up. It’s making my heart happy knowing she’s officially staying here and we’re living together again. For the first time in a while, I have a home again and it’s with the love of my life. My heart feels full. Right here under the roof I grew up, I have everything I want. Seeing how happy she is makes me hopeful

and she’s not experiencing any more pain. Leaving her in our bedroom, decorating and putting up pictures, I head to Ryan’s old room and look around. The movers took out the furniture and now the room is empty. It hurt to see his things go, but I know it’s the right thing. I talked to my mom about it and she agrees. As much as we miss him, we can’t keep his things as a shrine. He’s in heaven now and with my dad. Walking into the room, I stand by the window and look at the space. I can do so much to this room and decorate for Baby Scott. Even though it’s early, I still want to get things started. I can’t help picturing her sitting in a rocking chair, hands on her stomach, and she’s singing a lullaby. Life is good and nothing can hurt us. Leaving the room, I make my way back to our bedroom and smile at the sight before me. She’s standing in front of the mirror and there’s a smile on her face. Looking down at her stomach, and even though she’s not fully showing, you can tell she’s pregnant. I love the small bump she’s carrying. When her eyes meet mine, the smile on her face brightens up the room. God, I love this woman. She’s going to be an amazing mom. Her fight and heart are so strong. The smile on her face grows. I’ve been waiting so long for this day. “You look beautiful, baby.” “Thank you.” She looks in the mirror again and smiles. “We’re a family.” Family. When I wake up, I find a sleeping Bayleigh looking peaceful. One hand is resting on her stomach and the other hand is tucked underneath her pillow. I stare at her for as long as I can, taking in this quiet moment without any interruptions. It’s just us. An idea comes to my head and I gently shake her. Slowly, her eyes open and a smile spreads on her face. “Good morning.” Leaning down to kiss her, I smile back. “Morning. I know it’s early. Do you want to cook breakfast together?” “Yeah. I’d like that.” We both get out of bed and I watch her put on a robe. She takes my hand and we head downstairs together. I get out the ingredients we need, eggs, bacon, butter and jam, and reach over to get the loaf of bread. Back when we had an apartment together, cooking was something we enjoyed doing together. It was nice to be next to her and talk about anything that comes to our mind. “I’m going to work half a day in the office and come home. I think it’ll be good to do that for a while.” “Okay that sounds good. I want to start looking at some things we can buy for Baby Scott.” “I’d rather you not drive,” I tell her as I’m cracking the eggs into a mixing bowl. “Please have someone drive you.” “I’m not helpless.” “I know that,” I tell her while mixing the eggs. “I want you to be safe. Is that okay?” “Let me drive for a few more weeks and then we can carpool will that be okay?” “No.” She eyes me and a flicker of anger hits her face. “I am not a child, Tyler. I will be fine. I will drive for another week then we can drive together. Do not take away my independence.” “Fine. But any sign of pain or discomfort and that’s it. You will not be driving. Understood?” She smiles and leans in to kiss me. “Yep!” Grabbing the mixing bowl from me she looks around the kitchen. “Can you grab me another pan so we can make the bacon?” “Yeah, no problem.” I hand her a pan and she smiles, taking the pan from me. “Are you feeling better? You seem to have more energy and food isn’t making you sick.” “Surprisingly yes I am feeling better. Maybe it’s a sign,” she winks and goes back to cooking.

Quietly sitting at the table and finishing our breakfast, I give her a kiss and head out for work.



Tyler FINISHING BOOKING OUR plane tickets to Colorado, I make sure the bags are packed and I have everything I need before our flight tomorrow morning. It’s Thanksgiving this week and a trip to visit our parents is needed. Plus, they should know about their first grandchild soon. I know Bayleigh wants to see them. Between my schedule and hers it’s tough to find the time. Luckily, Damon is going out of town as well and rescheduled all of his appointments so he doesn’t need her in the office. The next few days are going to be nice and relaxing-just what we both need. Between getting her things moved in, reorganizing the house and looking for things for Baby Scott, things are busy around here. Getting dinner quickly made, I pull out fresh squeezed orange juice from the fridge and pour some in a glass for her. My phone rings, and it’s a text from Bayleigh. Bay: Stuck in traffic on 590 ugh Me: Just be safe Bay: I’m so tired and I have more work to do Me: Everything okay? Bay: Yeah, just a long day. I’ll be home soon Seeing the word home still gets me crazy. While waiting for Bayleigh, I settle on the couch and watch TV, continually checking the time and news. There’s an accident causing backup and instantly the hairs on my neck rise. Me: Still in traffic? Bay: No luckily I’m out of that clusterfuck. Should be home in 5 Compared to me, Bayleigh’s a safe driver, but it’s everyone else I don’t trust. Accidents seem to happen every day in this town and it pisses me off. It’s not hard to pay attention to the road. There are other fucking lives besides yours. When Bayleigh walks in the door, I greet her with a hug and kiss. “Come on, let’s get you fed.” “Okay,” she laughs and we walk into the kitchen. “How are you feeling? You should be what,” I count in my head and approximate the time, “almost fifteen weeks?” “Close. Almost fourteen weeks.” “You’re so small. Are you eating?” “I mean, yeah.” she answers. “Between yoga and my walks, I guess I’m going to be a fit mom.”

“I don’t care about you staying small. I want you and Baby Scott to be okay. You need to gain weight.” She rolls her eyes and scoops a healthy portion of pasta on her plate and takes two pieces of chicken. “This is like two servings, so hush and I’m eating. I’m not worried about gaining weight and I know I have to be healthy, so don’t lecture me.” I back off and make my plate. I don’t want to fight and tell her what to do. She knows what’s important and doesn’t need to be reminded. “Well as long as you’re getting what you need, then I’m happy.” “Good,” she smiles. “Tell me about your day.” We finish dinner and drive to Pittsford to the canal for a walk. Looking at the couples with their kids and dogs gives me an idea. “What do you think about getting a dog?” “Not yet,” she says and leans on my shoulder while we sit down on a bench and look at the canal. “I want to have a family dog, but a dog Baby Scott picks if that’s okay.” I kiss her forehead. “Yes. That’s fine, anything you want.” Looking down at her stomach, I see the small bump and my heart soars. I hope she starts to fully show soon and we can find out if we’re having a boy or girl. We haven’t talked about if we should find out now or later. When we get home and get into bed, she curls up in my arms and softly she moans in relaxation. “Tyler?” “Yeah, baby?” “I made an appointment with Doctor Wells for after Thanksgiving. I want to find out if we’re having a boy or girl. I think it’ll be fun to know so we can be prepared. I’m itching to buy Baby Scott clothes and decorate the nursery.” I roll over to face her. “I think that’s a great idea. I can’t wait to find out what we’re having.” “Me too.” Touching her stomach, I think about holding our baby. It’s a surreal feeling and even though it scares the shit out of me, it’s something I’m looking forward to. “Go to sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.” “Okay.” A smile plays on her face and she gets comfortable in my arms. “I love you.” “I love you more.” Rushing to the airport the next morning nearly kills us. After listening to Bayleigh whine about traveling and her morning sickness, we finally make it to the airport and get boarded. “Oh fancy,” she remarks. “First class.” “It’s a long flight,” I tell her and make sure she’s comfortable. “Jesus, stop that,” she hisses at me. “I’m an adult, you dork.” “Fine.” The flight attendant announces we’ll be departing and to get comfortable. I look outside and see small flakes. I can’t wait to see snow and enjoy the cold. Being spoiled with the nice weather in California, I’m ready for winter. The flight goes smoothly and Bayleigh’s asleep most of the time. Lightly shaking her, I see her eyes flutter open and she stretches in the seat. “I can never go back to coach.” “Yeah, first class is nice.” She looks around and raises an eyebrow. Leaning over to me she whispers, “Mile. High. Club.” My cock wakes up in delight and I look around. There’s no way we can pull this off without getting caught. People are minding their own business, but I’m sure if they see two people getting up at the same time they’ll know.

“Baby as much as I’d like that, it can’t happen.” She waves me off and begins gagging. I rush out of my seat and help her up, looking for an attendant. “My fiancée is getting sick. Please can we use the bathroom? She’s pregnant.” “Oh my,” the attendant says. “Of course, please go. I’ll have water waiting for her.” “Thank you so much,” I frantically answer and rush her into the bathroom. Locking the door, I turn around and feel her boobs against my chest and her hand in my sweatpants. “Good idea on wearing these. Easy access.” She fists my cock in her hand and rubs it up and down. “Fuck,” I mutter. A knock on the door gets my attention. “Sir, is everything okay?” “She’s throwing up. Can you please give us a moment?” I yell. “Please.” “Okay, sir.” Her lips find mine and move down to my neck. With her other hand, she pulls down my sweats and soon is on her knees, taking me into her mouth. “Oh shit,” I hiss. Gripping her head and feeling her warm mouth around my cock, I’m about to explode. “Stop.” Picking her up and taking off her sweatpants, I quickly slide into her and fuck her hard and fast. “Shit. Shit,” she whispers, gripping my shoulders and biting me. “Ahh. I’m about to come.” Feeling her pussy tighten around me, we find our release together. Passionately kissing her to hold in the moans and screams, we come down from ecstasy. “Welcome to the Mile High Club, Mr. Scott.”



Bayleigh WE WAIT FOR our luggage when I hear my mom call my name. Turning around, I run to her. “Mom!” It’s so good to see her. I understand why she left to help Moira and that’s okay. We’ve know the Scott’s family for almost ten years. They’re family to us and soon we’ll have more to celebrate. “How are you, honey?” “Good,” I smile and she looks at me up and down. Her eyes go wide and I shake my head. I thought the loose clothes I have on wouldn’t give me away. I guess the saying is right, mothers know best. “Hey Carrie,” Tyler comes with our luggage and gives her a hug. “Thank you so much for being here for Mom. I know it means a lot to her.” “Oh hush, honey. We love it here in Colorado.” She looks at me, “Actually, we can move here in a few years.” She looks at the both of us and smiles. “Your mom is going to be so happy, Tyler.” He smiles back at her and places his hand on my stomach. “You don’t think Dad will be mad?” She shakes her head. “No. He’ll be happy too.” We walk out of the airport and to the SUV. Sitting down in the backseat, I buckle my seatbelt and wonder how my dad will react. He makes me nervous and I don’t want to upset him. Being the only child and seeing the pain from what happened before scares me. Touching my stomach, and leaning my head back, I close my eyes and tell myself everything will be okay. The drive to the house is beautiful. I love the scenic route and the quietness of these parts of Colorado. Mom and Tyler talk in the front seat and I smile. It makes me happy that they get along and I can’t wait to tell them the news. Thinking about how happy they’re going to be and then the news my parents want to move here in a few years. Who’ll help me raise Baby Scott? Will I be a good mom? Will Baby Scott love me? Or run to Tyler when I say no? These questions fill my head. If I’m going crazy now, I don’t want to see how I’ll be when we have the baby. I really don’t want to be one of those over protective and crazy moms. “We’re here!” I look out and see the beautiful house, sitting on top of the hill, and overlooking the water. It’s breathtaking. The wraparound porch circles the entire wooden house, which is covered in large bay windows. “Mom, this is beautiful.” “Thanks, honey. It’s comfortable. Tyler, your mom is happier and I think the outdoors is helping her heal.” “I can see that,” he smiles and takes my hand while carrying our luggage. Walking inside, we’re greeted by Moira and my dad. We’re engulfed in hugs and love. It feels good to

be here. It feels like home. Seeing everyone here makes me emotional. I miss Ryan and I miss how things used to be. I force a smile and stay by Tyler’s side. “Excuse me,” I say. “It’s been a long day and I’d like to shower. Is that okay?” “Sure, honey,” my mom says and tells me where to go. Tyler follows me upstairs and we go into the guest room. Taking out what I need, I don’t talk or look at him. Rushing into the bathroom, I strip out of my clothes and get in the shower. Turning on the water the warmth hits my body, reminding me of the rain, and how much Ryan loved being outside. He always wanted to be outside and watch the stars. We’d sit on the deck or lake house porch and remain quiet. It was those moments I loved so much. And miss. Facing today without Ryan, the first major holiday, with our parents and not him is something I can’t swallow. Every year, before he disappeared, we’d meet at my house and cook all morning. The guys would watch TV and we’d be in the kitchen cooking the goodies. It was a tradition of ours and every year was the same. I’d have my family, boyfriend and best friend by my side. This year I’ll have all that, except Ryan. The blessing is, I’m starting my life with Tyler. We’re having a baby and telling our parents the wonderful news. In so many ways Ryan’s with us and I’m going to keep the memories alive in my heart so one day Baby Scott will know his or her uncle. The realization about our next journey helps ease the pain. Leaning against the shower wall, I stop the tears and count my blessings. Even though Ryan isn’t here, he gave me something I couldn’t find on my own. Strength and the will to fight. Stepping out of the shower, I dry off and change into comfortable clothes. I feel a little better and I’m glad Tyler didn’t come in to ask me what’s wrong. Going into the room, I see him sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning on his forearms and looking down. He’s deep in thought. I kneel down and kiss his hands. “I’m okay. Just needed a moment. Thank you for giving that to me.” “I know today is hard for you. Remember, I’m here for you. We both lost someone we love. It’s going to be hard for a while, but together we can get through the sadness. One day we’ll celebrate his memory and smile because he was with us.” “One day,” I agree. “Come on, let’s go tell them about Baby Scott.” A smile plays across my face and we rush downstairs to tell them the good news. Touching my stomach, we walk into the living room. My dad looks at me and Moira smiles. Everyone knows. “So, I’m sure you know,” I laugh. “We’re having a baby!” Our parents get up and congratulate us. Moira bursts into tears and I soon follow. We’re hugging and my dad looks like he’s about to cry. While hugging Moira, I watch him walk out the door. Excusing myself, I join him. “Daddy?” “Hi, pumpkin. Do you remember that trip we took to Hawaii? You were only thirteen and telling me about Tyler.” He shakes his head. “You were so young and so in love. I couldn’t believe my daughter had a boyfriend and I thought this puppy love wouldn’t last and here you are now.” He turns to face me. “You’re going to be a mom. Where’d my little girl go?” “I’m still here,” I tell him. “I will always be your little girl.” “I can’t believe this day is here. You know I regret the days I wasn’t there for you.”“Don’t say that. You and Mom are the best parents. I don’t regret anything.”

He laughs and wipes his tears. “Promise me something?” “Of course.” “You’ll never stop remembering your strength.” I nod my head and hug him. Standing in the middle of the yard, here in Colorado, and getting the support from my parents makes it better.



Tyler THANKSGIVING NIGHT IS calm and steady. We’re sitting in the living room, watching the fire in the fireplace, telling stories about the past and our plans for the house. It’s great to be here with our family. As much as I miss my mom I know her being here is the best thing. We’re all healing in our own way. Everything’s going well. During dinner we said a prayer for Ryan and my mom looked good. She didn’t cry. Instead, she smiled and said this was everything she wanted and needed. That made me feel good. “I’m going to get something to drink. Need anything?” Bayleigh shakes her head and I get up to walk to the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator, I grab a beer. When I close the door, I look at the pictures of our families. There’s a picture of Bayleigh and her dad standing on their porch. She’s sitting on his shoulders and they’re both smiling. “She’s the best huh?” He taps my shoulder and leans against the sink. “Yes, sir.” I answer him and open my beer, leaning against the counter. “Thanks for everything and understanding. I know you probably wish we were married first.” “Na, it’s okay. It’s twenty fifteen, we get it. Be good to her, son. You know this and as her father, I want to stand here and remind you that that’s my baby girl. You put her first and you be the best father and husband. Now you two will have moments of disagreements. That’s normal. I need you to think with your heart and not with your emotions. You know she’ll drive you crazy.” I laugh and agree with him. “But we know she has a heart of gold. She’s one of a kind.” “I promise I’ll love her forever and treat her with respect all the time.” I hurt Bayleigh before. She’s forgiven me and we’re moving on to the next chapter of our life. We’re building a stronger foundation and keeping the past in the past, where it belongs. “I’m so lucky to have her,” I tell him. Craig nods his head and we head back to the living room. Snuggling back with Bayleigh, we listen to Carrie telling us stories about her pregnancy and giving Bayleigh advice. I listen too because even though she’s carrying the baby, I have to know what to expect and what to do. I want to experience everything she’s experiencing. Every pain and every discomfort I want to feel. The late hours come and we tell everyone goodnight. We have one more day here before we head back home. Getting into bed, I’m instantly hard when I feel her hand rubbing my chest. Quickly hovering over her, I hungrily kiss her lips and slide down the short boxer shorts she has on. Kissing her baby bump, I continue my way down her body. Sliding my tongue against her tight bud, she opens her legs wider and moans my name. My hungry tongue licks her clit and she bucks under me. Seeing her pink, wet folds drives me crazy. Her body trembles from my tongue and I love it. She wraps her legs around me and I push my tongue deeper into her.

“My girl loves my tongue.” “Oh yes I do,” she moans. “I love when you suck my clit. It feels so good.” Shit, my girl and her dirty mouth. “What else do you like?” “I like when you’re sucking on my clit and sliding your fingers inside me.” I hear the ache in her tone and do as she wishes. “Tyler, yes, like that.” Giving her everything she wants and spending quality time, licking, sucking and smelling her. She’s dripping wet and begging me to fuck her. “Please, Tyler.” “But I’m having too much fun down here. Just a little more time, baby. Don’t worry, I’ll make this so good for you and then when I fuck you, you’ll love it.” Sticking my tongue into her entrance, keeping her legs spread open, I watch her from where I am and her eyes meet mine. It’s fucking sexy as hell watching her as I pleasure her. There’s something about tasting her. I never get tired of it. Some guys can’t stand giving oral sex to their girls. But they want blow jobs all the time. Fuck that. I want to make sure my girl is satisfied before I get what I want. As much as I love getting my dick sucked, her pleasure is more important. I won’t give her a reason to think she’s not sexy or that I don’t want sex. With her I’d love it all day, every day. Flicking my tongue against her clit and taking it in my mouth again, she lifts her hips in the air and comes, covering her moans with a pillow. Not giving her a moment to recover, I quickly take off my sweats and push myself in her. Gripping her hips, I thrust hard and fast. Covering her mouth with my hand, her eyes go wide with desire and the heat between us gets stronger. “Fuck. How can you be this tight?” I moan and fuck her deeper. “God, you feel so good.” She’s lost in bliss and I’m having the best time bringing her to that state. Every time we fuck or make love, it keeps getting better. There’s never a moment I’m tired of seeing that look of pure heaven in her eyes and the look of pleasure on her face. The sight of her squirming and begging for more brings me to the edge. “Tyler,” she moans, grabbing her boobs, and using her other hand, she plays with her clit. “Fuck,” I moan. “Fuck.” Spilling inside her, my body stills and I lean down to kiss her, tasting her in my mouth. “I love you,” I tell her and slide out, rushing to get my sweats on and grabbing a wet towel from the bathroom. Wiping her, seeing the satisfied look on her face is more than enough. “You’re so bad,” she giggles and I toss the towel to the side, going back to where I belong.



Bayleigh CURLING UP WITH my Kindle, I take my cup of tea outside to the deck. Most of my things are unpacked and my clothes are in the closet. It feels good to be here in our home. Our home. The cool breeze on my face makes me feel relaxed. I close my eyes and think about this morning. I love when Tyler stands and watches me. My heart swells with so much love. I want him to always know how I feel and how much I adore him. Since we’ve been back from Colorado, I’m taking it easy and we’re slowly purchasing things for the nursery. The appointment to find out if we’re having a boy or girl is coming up. To describe the excitement is near impossible. “Hey sweetie.” I look up and see Mandy with a smile on her face. She has a cup of tea and sits down across from me. “How are you?” “Good.” I smile. “A lot better. We’re talking more and things seem good. My parents and Moira are good too. They’re going to be here for Christmas and the New Year so it’ll be nice to see them again.” “I’m so glad, sweetie. I’m so happy for you. It’s good to hear that you’re happy.” “Yeah,” I agree. “How are you doing? I know lately it’s been about me and I’m so sorry.” “Don’t be,” she dismisses my apology. “Things are going so well. Damon’s wonderful. The company is doing well and honestly things can’t get better.” “I agree.” We sit outside for the next few hours and talk wedding and baby. Things for the wedding are all set and there’s not much more to do, besides wait for the day and go in for fittings. Tyler joins us and seeing him walk over to us makes my stomach jump and flip. Will it always be like this? “Ladies,” he says and kisses the top of my head. “How are we today?” “Good as usual,” I answer and take his hand in mine. “We’re perfect. Everything is perfect.” Another day off and I’m starting to go a little crazy. Mandy and Damon are offsite at a meeting and Tyler’s in meetings too. I scroll through my phone and find Seth’s number. Me: Let’s get lunch! Seth: Okay. Want me to come get you? Me: Please Seth: See you soon Since being with Tyler, I haven’t made much time for Seth. It makes me feel bad because he’s been there for me and I’ve ignored him. Just like I said I wouldn’t do. Getting off the couch, I walk upstairs to the bedroom and change into leggings and a long tunic

LuLaRoe shirt. Running a brush through the mess on my head, I plug in my straightener and lean against the wall, scrolling through Instagram. I don’t know how people love staying at home all day. Between waking up, eating breakfast with Tyler, taking a nap and lounging around the house, that’s the point of my life when I’m here alone. Hearing the doorbell ring, I yell come in and finish getting ready. Making sure I look presentable, I put on my booties and head downstairs. “Hey!” I smile when I see Seth. Giving him a hug, I feel his arms tighten around me. “Is this your way of saying you miss me?” “Maybe.” “I know, I’m sorry I’ve been a bad friend. How are you?” I let him go and we head out to his car. “I’m good. Working a lot. I’m glad you texted me. Let’s me get out of the office,” he laughs. “I know that feeling. I’m home all day so thank you for taking me out. Where you taking me?” “I’m thinking Cheesecake Factory and maybe taking a walk on the canal?” “I like the sound of that.” We get to the restaurant and everything looks amazing. Since being pregnant, my cravings are a little crazy. I want salt and pasta-that’s it. I’m not itching for anything too crazy, but pasta is on the top of my list. Putting in our orders, I sip on my iced water and wait for my tea to finish steeping. Seth talks about what he’s been doing and the company. I miss seeing everyone and going in. “We miss you,” he tells me. “I walk by your office and get sad,” he laughs. “Don’t be sad! You know where I am.” “I know. But you’re with someone and you’re expecting a baby. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy for you and Tyler. This is what you’ve been waiting for. Just a little jealous that he gets to spend so much time with you.” I never realized how much Seth values our friendship and I shouldn’t be surprised. He was there for me every day when Ryan died and Tyler left. Each time I cried or was upset he was there for me, telling me it was going to be okay. I relied on him for everything. Now we’re here and the guilt I feel is increasingly growing. I shouldn’t have abandoned him. Reaching over, I take his hand. “I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for not spending time with you.” “I get it,” he tells me. The sadness in his tone is telling me something else. “Don’t lie.” Rolling his eyes, his head plops down. “Okay fine,” he mutters. “It sucked and I was mad for a little while.” “Well, I’m here and I’m not going to be that best friend again.” “Good, because I like my old best friend.” Our food comes and my eyes go wide. It’s like I haven’t seen food in days when it’s only been a few hours. Refusing to weigh myself or care about how much weight I’m gaining, I dig into my pasta and moan with love. “That good, huh?” Seth laughs at me. I pick the fries off his plate and smile. “I mean, I can order more fries for you if you want.” “I can’t,” I sigh. “I have to try and stay away from fried food. I mean yeah, I’m eating a ton of carbs, but I need to watch the fried food and snacks.” “So no cheesecake?” “Is cheesecake fried?” I glare at him. Holding up his hands in defense, he laughs and lets me have a bite of his chicken sandwich. A few hours pass and my exhaustion hits me. Falling asleep in the car, I feel Seth carrying me inside. “I don’t want to be alone,” I mutter and hold onto his shirt.

“Okay.” The comfort of my couch and best friend is what I need.



Bayleigh I’M MAKING THE decision to go into the office once or twice a week. I will not and cannot be held captive inside. Waking up a little earlier than Tyler, I shower and get ready. The shower feels nice and I feel a little more energize this morning. Pregnancy isn’t too bad. Walking out of the bathroom, I see him sitting on the bed and my eyes tell him not to start with me. Backing off like he should, we get ready together and drive to work. His office isn’t too far so it’s not a hassle. Walking in, I take the elevator to my office and breathe in a breath of delight. I’m back and feeling good. Touching my stomach, I smile. “Baby Scott, let’s be good today. Mama needs to do some work or else she’s going to go crazy.” The elevator dings and I walk out towards my office. Mandy sees me and follows me inside. “So, he let you out?” “Yep,” I tell her. “I’m going to be here once or twice a week to start and we’ll go from there.” “Good, sweetie. I’m glad.” I turn on the computer and wait for Outlook to load while listening to Mandy talk about the wedding and her upcoming plans. She shows me cake designs and I’m starving again. “When do you want to go try the cakes?” “This weekend,” she tells me and I make a note in my phone about the tasting. “Maybe we can get lunch after?” “Yeah, I like that idea.” Turning around, I open the latest email and my mouth drops. “Ball? A Christmas ball?” “Oh yeah,” Mandy covers her mouth. “I totally forgot to tell you,” she groans. “How the hell am I going to find a dress by next Saturday? That’s coming up and I’m gaining so much weight!” “Oh hush. You’ll be fine. Just get a dress two and three sizes bigger. You’re going to be what a size eight or ten?” “I guess.” I look down at my semi small bump and think I can pull it off. “Mall date tonight and you owe me lunch. I want to go to Biaggis.” “It’s a date, sweetie.” She blows me a kiss and I get to work. I let Tyler know about my plans and finish up my last meeting of the day. It feels good to be back and Baby Scott loves it too. Besides having to go to the bathroom every hour and eating more, I still feel relaxed and good. I meet Mandy in the parking garage and we head to Eastview Mall to start our adventures of dress shopping. First we stop at Macy’s and I immediately find five dresses I love. All are long, elegant and very

flattering. Bringing all the dresses with me, I walk out within a few minutes with a frown. “And?” “My boobs are playing peek-a-boo in all of these dresses! I can’t do strapless.” I pout and look at the three way mirror. Big mistake. “Holy hell! My hips are wide and good lord! Why are my boobs this big?” “Come on sweetie, we’ll find you a dress.” A few hours pass and finally I find a dress that’s classy on me and doesn’t make me look unpresentable. The loose fitting dress softly hugs my curves and covers my goodies. Although it’s not fully strapped, the Grecian look is beautiful and flattering on my chest. It’s not my first color of choice, but this emerald green looks nice on me. The beads add a nice touch and I already know the jewelry I’ll wear. Heading back home, Tyler takes the dress and puts it in the closet. He has a concerned look on his face and I know where this is going. “I don’t want you to go and be stressed out. There are going to be a lot of people and I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed.” “I’ll be fine, okay?” “Whatever you say,” he says in a defeated tone. “I promise if I feel any pain or anything, we’ll leave.” “Sounds good.” Tyler leans over and kisses my forehead. Pulling his face to mine, the urge between my legs alerts me of my need for him. “Play time,” I smirk and he carries me upstairs for a night of love making and many orgasms. *** FINISHING MY HAIR and makeup, a slight pain strikes my right side. Closing my eyes, I breathe through the pain. Baby Scott, please not tonight. Tonight they’re announcing the move with Tyler’s company and a scholarship in memory of Ryan. It’s a Christmas party and so many people have RSVP’d and made donations. The two powerhouses joining forces is making several stockholders happy, so they’re more than willing to come and donate. I can’t and won’t miss tonight. It’s all Tyler’s been thinking about and he wants to make sure he tells Ryan’s story perfectly. The pain subsides and I quickly finish my hair and put on my dress. It takes a little longer because the pain’s back. Sitting on the bed, I take in a few more breaths. “Baby, what’s wrong?” Tyler asks, coming into the bedroom and kneeling down. “Nothing,” I force a smile. “I’m good. Are you excited about tonight?” “Yeah,” he kisses my hand. “I think it’s going to go well.” “It will.” I touch his face and ask him to help with my zipper. Slipping on a pair of low heeled silver Kate Spade shoes, I look in the mirror and feel beautiful. I always considered myself pretty. Now it’s a different story. There’s a glow to me I never had before. “You’re so beautiful.” Tyler kisses my bare shoulder and looks at me in the mirror. Our eyes meet and the desire to feel him inside me comes back. Honestly, we’ve had sex twice already. Pretty soon, I’m going to break him. Mandy gasps and I look at her, seeing the phone in her hand and the tears in her eyes. “Damn my makeup,” she stomps her foot and looks at us again. “Seriously Bayleigh, you and mini you are precious.” “Thanks,” I blush and turn back to Tyler. “Okay let’s go! Come on!” We get to The Woodcliff and mingle for a little while. Everyone’s dressed nicely and the fundraiser,

along with the donation from the company, is going so well. So much money has been raised in Ryan’s honor to go for medical studies and hopefully doing more to save lives. Standing by my handsome man’s side, people talked to Tyler about the memorial fund and smiled at me. It was nice to get away and feel like an adult. Taking our seats, Damon talks into the microphone and calls for Tyler. I squeeze his hand and wish him luck. Watching him get grab the microphone, he greets everyone and thanks them for their generous donations. “It means the world to me and my family. For those who didn’t know Ryan, my brother, you missed out. He was my best friend and his last days were spent with us, his family and friends. The tumor that took him has taken the lives of several. We can make a difference and promote early detection and help someone we love-like a brother, parents, or friend. Together we can make a difference. I know Ryan’s watching over us and smiling. He would hate this, but he’d know this is the right thing. So thank you again and please enjoy tonight.” The cheers explode in the room. Standing up, Baby Scott and I do a little cheer for our guy.



Bayleigh WAKING UP FROM a nice nap, I head to our soon-to-be baby’s nursery. Opening the door, I’m shocked. Tyler’s finishing up hanging a picture on the wall. It’s a collage of us from when we were little up to now. The pictures tell our story and now we get to share it with our child. They’re going to know about our journey to love and we’ll teach Baby Scott the importance of love, patience, strength and faith. My hands cover my mouth and I’m standing frozen to my spot. He turns around, feeling my stare, and smiles at me. “I know we didn’t talk about how we’d decorate the nursery, but come on it’s Winnie the Pooh. Remember? Our favorite when we were growing up. You loved Piglet and I was Pooh. Best friends no matter what.” Can he be sweeter? Going up to him, I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his tight chest. “It’s perfect.” I look around and see the beautiful wooden oak changing table with a large dresser filled with pictures from our lives. There are blankets and onesies all over. The thing that catches my eye is the rocking chair by the window. My hand graciously touches the mahogany wooden chair. “I love this chair,” I whisper. “When I saw it, I knew I had to get it. I can imagine you sitting there with our baby. You’ll be nursing our baby and I’ll watch you from the door. Everything’s going to be perfect.” “So perfect,” I repeat. “You’re already spoiling me and our baby.” Tyler leans forward and kisses the side of my head. “Baby, you haven’t seen anything yet.” “But can we afford this?” He nods. “How?” Nervously, he laughs. “I make a lot more than what I was making in California. We’re going to be good, Bay. Don’t worry about money.” “Okay,” I smile, not wanting to ask any more questions. I make a nice amount as Damon’s personal assistant so I don’t want to know how much Tyler’s making. It’s probably high. If he says not to worry, then I won’t worry. He wraps his arms around me and we stand in the middle of the room. This is the fairytale I want and never want to change. “Do you know how bad you scare me?” he whispers into my hair. I don’t respond. “Everything about you is perfect. You coming back into my life brought me out of my funk and made me realize the man I want to be for you and Baby Scott. You scare me,” his voice is low. “Sometimes I feel like I’m dreaming and one day you’re going to be gone.” “Don’t say that. I am not going anywhere. Baby Scott and I are here and we’re going to be a family.” “I know,” he tells me. “I get it. You make me a better person and I’m going to fight every day to show you the man I promised I’d be.” “Don’t put me on a pedestal.” Hearing him describe me is so hard. He’s talking as if he hasn’t

changed me too. “Since you came into my life, things have been incredible. We’ve had our hard times, and we will always have some hard times. But I wouldn’t trade my life for anything else. You make me a better woman and I’m so proud to be yours.” We stand in the middle of the nursery, with the sun shining in the room, and hold each other. Laying my head on his chest, I feel his chest rising and falling. Piece by piece, we’re getting stronger and our love is climbing another obstacle. *** TODAY’S THE DAY we find out if we’re having a boy or girl. Lying on the table with Tyler on my side, Doctor Wells tells me to relax and our eyes are on the screen. Seeing Baby Scott on the screen is amazing. “Hi baby,” I whisper. “It’s Mommy and Daddy.” “Do you know yet?” he anxiously asks. “Yes,” Doctor Wells answers. “Congratulations, you’re having a girl.” “A girl?” I cry. “A girl.” I turn my head and see Tyler’s eyes fill with tears. “We’re having a girl.” “She’s going to be the prettiest princess,” he tells me and kisses my hand. “My two girls.” Tyler and I stare at the monitor before us. Our little girl is going to be beautiful. She’s going to have the best parents and people in her life. All I want is for her to be happy and live a life of love, happiness, and warmth. We’ll teach her about success and failures. She’ll know how to handle almost everything that comes her way. I’ll remind her to mind her father and remember she can always come to us for anything. Raising a girl will be different. She might be sensitive or carefree. Either way she’s going to be perfect because she’ll be our little girl. Texting everyone that we’re having a girl once we get home, Tyler helps me inside and we relax on the couch. “We don’t have a name yet.” “I know,” he sighs. “We’ll have to figure that out. But shit, we’re having a girl and her heartbeat is strong. Things are going so well. I’m so happy, baby.” “Me too,” I smile and touch my stomach. “Talk to her.” Tyler leans down and presses his ear to my stomach. “Hi baby girl. This is your daddy. I hope you’re comfortable in mommy’s tummy. We can’t wait to see you. Today we found out you’re a girl. We don’t have a name yet, but soon we will. You’re going to be the prettiest princess and I promise we’ll be the best parents ever.” “She’s going to have you wrapped around her finger.” “I can almost guarantee it,” he laughs and kisses my stomach. “There will be rules when you come out.” “Stop!” I yell. Shaking my head, I kiss his forehead and we lie in silence, savoring the moment with our baby girl. I can’t believe I’m having a girl. I’m not sure what to expect. All I want is a healthy baby and to give her the best life. When we get home Tyler and I cook dinner and I can see the happiness in his eyes. Finding out we’re having a daughter changes everything. Even though I am pregnant and I’m starting to slowly show, finding out the sex makes it a little more real. After we eat I settle on the couch while he does work and look at baby clothes. By the time I’m done I look at my cart online and my eyes go wide. Taking a little longer to decide if I’m going to buy all of this Tyler sits down and looks at my iPad. “Buy it, baby.” “It’s a lot,” I sigh. I know we can afford it, but I still want to be careful and not go overboard. “Are

you sure?” “Yes,” he kisses the side of my head. “Anything for you and Baby Scott.” I sigh. “Okay.”



Tyler SINCE BAYLEIGH IS stuck in meetings with Damon and Seth, I’m taking Mandy out for lunch. It sucks everyone knew I was going to be a dad before I did. I get she was afraid to tell me. Not anymore. We’re going to be honest with one another and no more lies. She walks into the sushi restaurant and sits down across from me. Since Bayleigh can’t have sushi, I have to eat with Mandy. “Sushi, huh?” she says. “You know she’s going to be mad when she finds out. She’s craving it like no tomorrow.” “Tough. She can’t have sushi or anything else that’ll harm our baby.” “Our baby,” Mandy sighs. “I love hearing that. So glad you two finally got your shit together. But seriously Tyler, if you hurt her one more time I swear to God I will cut off your penis and dangle it in your face, then throw it outside and run it over with a lawn mower. Got it?” The visual of my penis being cut off and mutilated is going to give me fucking nightmares. No man should ever have to listen to talk about his precious member being injured. “Thanks for that,” I cough, “painful reminder, Mandy. You don’t have to worry. I’m not going anywhere.” “Are you sure? And did you get Anna pregnant?” “Fuck no. I used a condom.” “Ha, like you did with Bayleigh.” I stop mid chew and look at her, trying to remember that night. “I didn’t. Then how did she get pregnant?” I let this sink in. I know she didn’t plan on getting pregnant. I would have come back regardless. Would she have done this on purpose to win me back? Heading home, I walk inside to find a sleeping Bayleigh with a very low cut tank top and no bottoms. Leaning down, I kiss her forehead and her eyes flutter open. “Hi.” “Hi handsome.” She stretches and I can’t help but look at her boobs. “Stop looking! I hate how big my boobs are now! Do you know I’m a thirty four D! I miss my C cups.” “I’m going to have fun with these,” I laugh, lightly touching her, feeling her body shiver under my touch. “After all this time, I still love getting this reaction from you.” “Only you,” she smiles again. “Are you hungry? I’m starving.” “Ah,” I guiltily answer. “I’m good actually. Big lunch.” She leans over and sniffs. “You had sushi! You bastard! No, you are not allowed to have anything I can’t have. Since I’m pregnant, you are too!” “What?” “You heard me,” she snarls at me. “I want sushi and wine and just bad, bad food. So if I have to be careful, so do you.” “But I’m not . . .” “What?” She shrieks. “Not what, Tyler?”

“I’m going to eat whatever you eat, baby.” “Good answer.” I watch her get up and move upstairs. “Baby, can you not wear that in the house. What if someone else came in?” “Like who? Plus, it’s hot as shit in here!” I rub my temples and pray her mood swings don’t last too long or else I’m going to lose it. Not sure if I want to ask her this question because I know she’ll most likely rip my head off. I have to know. “Bay?” “What?” “That night we had sex and made Baby Scott,” I start to say and she looks at me. “I wasn’t on the pill. I didn’t want to stop and have you get a condom. It was dumb on both of our parts. I wished we were more careful, but then again I’m not.” “I’m not either,” I tell her, and watch her climb up the stairs. When I got back from lunch with Mandy, I researched pregnancy and where she should be at. Everything she’s doing shows she’s four months pregnant, sixteen weeks, and we should be feeling her move soon. It kills me that I wasn’t there for her first appointment. When Mandy showed me the video, I lost it like a little girl. Tears filled my eyes and I held onto her phone, listening to my baby’s heartbeat. It was the best noise in the world. Nothing can replace that feeling of joy and excitement. The box in my pocket burns. I touch it briefly and close my eyes, thinking about proposing to her in a few weeks, in front of our family and friends. Damon and Mandy are meeting us in Colorado the day before Christmas Eve. We have plans to relax for a little bit and spend quality time with each other. Everything is going well and I refuse to allow anything to get in the way. Heading to the kitchen, I look for something to make for dinner. Opening the refrigerator, I see a packet of chicken breasts. Something simple tonight seems good. “Bay!” I yell out. “Does chicken, rice and vegetables sound okay to you?” She doesn’t respond. Knowing her, she’s most likely upset that I’m suggesting something this healthy. “You’re going to have to answer me,” I laugh and climb the stairs two at a time. Opening the bedroom door, I look around and don’t see her. “Bay, where are you?” Going into the bathroom, I see her on the bathroom floor. “Hey what’s wrong?” “My head’s killing me,” she answers and closes her eyes. “My headaches are getting worse. Not sure what’s going on. I’ll have to call Doctor Wells in the morning and make an appointment.” “Why don’t you go to sleep and I’ll finish making dinner,” I tell her and help her up from the floor. Helping her back into bed I pull the blanket over. “Sleep well, baby.” “Thanks Tyler,” she yawns and closes her eyes. The doctor’s appointment goes well and Doctor Wells doesn’t seem overly concerned. Her vitals are still good, and she’s supposed to be home the rest of the week. Coming home after a long day at work I find Bayleigh in the living room with her Kindle and cup of tea. I like that she’s not complaining about being home and taking her time with getting better. Sitting down next to her, with bags from Olive Garden, I take out the containers of food. “Chicken alfredo for you,” I smile and she takes it. “How are you feeling today?” “Good,” she tells me and opens the food. “I slept most of today. I tried going for a walk, but I walked for about five minutes before coming back.” “You’re supposed to be in bed, Bay.” “I know,” she sighs. “Kinda boring being home. I mean I feel fine. One of the nurses called to check on me. It’s sweet.” “I’m glad you’re feeling okay.” I place my hand on her stomach, and we sit like this for a few moments.

“Mandy’s coming over tonight to hang out. You should see what Damon’s up to.” “You sure?” I need a night out and drink a few beers after the last few days at work. “I can stay home if you need me to.” “Yes! Go!” We laugh and finish our dinner before I get ready and head out to Hooligans to meet Damon. Finding him at a table with Seth I pull out a chair and turn to see the football game on the big screen. “Pats are looking good this year.” I reach over and pour myself a glass of beer. “Damn good.” “Pats fan?” Seth laughs. “Hell yeah,” I answer. “Brady’s so dreamy,” I laugh and drink my beer. “Fucking hate the Pats. Disgraceful team. They cheat.” I shake my head. “Whatever, man. Nothing’s been proven and set in stone. Everything’s accusations and assumptions. Haters gonna hate.” The three of us laugh and watch the game. It feels good to be here. Most of my friends from high school are out of town, living up their lives, and not settling down. I like being around these guys. “How’s Bayleigh feeling?” Damon asks. “Pretty good. She’s getting bored at home, but should be back on Monday.” “I texted her today and she wanted me to save her from home,” Seth laughs and I nod. At first I didn’t like the guy and thought he was trying to steal my girl. I know he has feelings for Bayleigh, but sees her as a friend. They’re best friends and I can live with that. “If she needs to stay home longer then I’m okay with that,” Damon states. “We need her to be okay. Mandy’s worried sick.” “Yeah,” I take another drink of my beer. “I am too. The doctor seems to be okay with what’s going on with her. I don’t know. She shouldn’t be feeling sick and this bad.” Damon and Seth nod and we order another pitcher of beer. I’m staying away from Web MD because I know if I research what’s going on with her I’ll freak the fuck out and build her a bubble to live in. “I wanted to ask you something, man,” Damon looks at me. “Sure what’s up?” “We’re friends and this isn’t professional, but I don’t give a shit,” Damon laughs. “Seth and I have been talking, and Andy agrees with this decision too.” I intently listen and wonder where he’s going with this. “The projects your company has helped with and what’s going on has been helpful. You’re a hard worker and we want you to come to our company.” “What?” I almost eagerly say. “Damn I don’t know what to say.” “Say yes,” Seth says. “We normally don’t add any partners, but like Damon said you’ve proved yourself at the company you’re at now and we know how hard you work. You’re better than where you are at. Coming on as a partner will give you more challenges and advance you.” Partner? Fuck I never thought I’d make it to that level. “Yes of course,” I tell them and we cheers to a new beginning. Getting home after a night out I make the decision to take our relationship to the next level. Taking the stairs two at a time I climb into bed with Bayleigh and kiss her to wake her up. Her eyes flutter open and a smile plays on her face. “What are you thinking, Mr. Scott?” “How much I love you.” I pause and think about what I’m going to say next. Reaching over inside the nightstand, I grab the box and think this is the perfect moment. “Have you ever wondered what it’ll be like to be Mrs. Tyler Scott?” She turns and looks at me, getting on her forearms and smiling. “I take that look as a yes.” “I mean yeah, I think about it all the time. It’ll be great when that day happens. I remember when we were seniors and were voted most likely to get married. You were holding me like I was your bride for

the picture.” I laugh remembering that day. I remember every day with her. “Do you know what I think about when I think about forever?” “What?” “I think about you, me and Baby Scott. I think about how many more kids we can have and everything we’re going to teach our kids. I think about every morning I get to see your face and every night I get to give you a kiss. Everything you want I want, Bayleigh. You make me a better man.” I stop and look at her, seeing the tears in her eyes. “I love you so much and I never want to go a day without you. Marry me and make me the happiest man in the world.” Taking her left hand, I slide the two-karat diamond ring on her ring finger. Leaning down and placing my ear on her stomach, I smile. “Baby Scott is happy that I’m asking Mommy to marry me. So what do you say Bayleigh Renee Murphy, will you marry me?” “Yes. Yes times forever. I will marry you.” Lifting her in my arms, I hold her against my chest and place my hand on her stomach. “She’s happy too.” “Of course. This is a great day and we’re doing so well. So can we celebrate by having more sex?” I let out a laugh and kiss her lips. “Why don’t I pamper you? Lie down on your side and I’ll give you a massage.” “Massage? Oh, baby. You, ah well . . .” “Oh, I can give good massages. Lay down.” Grabbing the lotion from the top of the dresser, I make sure she’s comfortable and put some lotion in my hands. Rubbing it together, I rub her back and swirl my thumbs along her shoulders and back. “How does this feel?” “You know my other massage therapist Dustin really gets deep and releases those knots.” Gritting my teeth, I focus and put all my energy to make sure this feels good. An idea hits me and I move down to her feet. This I can do. Taking her foot, I rub with my thumbs and feel her body relax. “Oh wow. Dustin doesn’t do this.” “Well, that’s because Dustin is a fucking idiot and should keep his hands off my soon-to-be wife.” “Oh and what are you going to do? Beat him up?” I shake my head. “No. You’re not allowed to have a male massage therapist. Nope not anymore.” “Whatever you say,” she says, and puts her head down, letting out a sigh. “Yeah, keep doing this. It feels so good.” Hearing her moaning and telling me it feels good wakes up my dick again. Looking down, I curse it to calm the fuck down. Having a second round of sex might not be good. She needs to be relaxed and not a sex kitten. Moving my hands from her feet to her calves, I rub as hard as I can, to make sure I’m better than Dustin. Once I’m done with her right foot and calf, I move to the left and do the same. After a few minutes, I hear her lightly snoring. Pulling up our covers, I kiss her again and sneak out of the bedroom to get the house cleaned up. The next hour passes and the door opens. Looking up, I see Mandy walking in with flowers, balloons and teddy bears. She must have heard about Bayleigh feeling sick again. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner about her?” She hisses at me. “That’s my best friend and I should have been there for her.” “I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I know this isn’t the greatest time to tell you. Things have been crazy and I didn’t want to stress her out. She’s supposed to be stress free and relaxed at all times.” Mandy cries, “I get it. Just feel bad. I want to be here for her and make sure she’s okay. I can’t lose her.” “I know. Me too.” Bringing her in for a hug, I lead her upstairs and into the bedroom. “I’ll order some Thai food and leave you girls here.”

“Thanks, Tyler.” I walk out and head back downstairs to order the girls and me dinner.



Bayleigh IT’S A WEEK BEFORE Christmas and things are really nice and relaxing. Damon shut down the company for the holidays and Tyler’s off as well. He’s put in his resignation and is now working for Damon and Seth. Soon, his name will be on the board after the New Year. Ridge, Fowler, Ziegler, Scott and Associates. Andy Ziegler is around, but he works from London in their European office. The three best friends agreed Tyler would be a great addition to the company and I agree too. I’ll still be Damon’s personal assistant and soon Tyler will have his own. Things are wonderful and I can’t complain. The doctor visits are going well and I haven’t had any pain or complications. The headaches have stopped and I’m feeling like me again. Doctor Wells is confident I’ll be okay and so will our baby. Waking up to an empty bed, I look around and see a note on the pillow. Grabbing it, I read the beautiful words from Tyler. Good morning baby, Do you know I can look at you forever and never complain? You and Baby Scott are everything to me and I know we’re going to be okay. I’m so glad you’re happy and I will do everything in my power to ensure you’ll never be alone or sad. I’ll dry your tears and hold the weight of your problems on my shoulders. We’re a team now and whatever you feel, I feel too. You’re probably wondering where I am and why you feel so rested. Well, I may have done something to make sure you slept. Don’t worry! I asked Doctor Wells and he gave me the OK, so don’t freak out. Get up and look in the closet. There’s a surprise waiting for you. I love you, Bayleigh Renee Murphy and can’t wait to call you my wife. All my love, Tyler I have no idea what’s going on. Getting out of bed, I head over to the walk-in closet to find my mom, Moira, Mandy and a fourth woman standing in the middle with smiles on their faces. “Ah, what?” I yell. “What is going on?” “We don’t have time to talk, sweetie,” Mandy orders and pulls me into the chair in the middle of my bedroom. She claps and orders the other woman around. I look at my mom and Moira and they look like they’re going to cry. After giving me hugs and kisses, they sit on the bed and Mandy moves the chair so I’m facing them.

“What’s going on?” “Oh honey,” my mom gushes. “I am so proud of you. I can’t believe this is happening.” “Can someone fill me in?” I look at her and Moira. “Oh honey,” Moira says. “We know you and Tyler love each other and everything is going to be okay. We’re here now until the baby is born, and then we’ll stay for a while.” “Moira, how are you doing?” “Better,” she smiles. “I miss Ryan, but with your parents with me and my sister and brother in law, life is a little easier.” “Don’t move,” Mandy tells me and we all start laughing. “So, does anyone want to tell me what’s going on?” “Soon,” my mom says. “Soon you’ll know.” I sit in the chair and decide it’s best to not argue with anyone. After being treated like a doll and having my hair and makeup done by the woman that Mandy has been giving orders to since they all got here, Mandy gets me up and we go back to my closet. When we walk in, I’m standing before a beautiful white wedding dress. It’s the dress of my dreams. The beaded bodice and tulle, with jewels all over stares at me. “What is this?” “Today is your wedding and here’s a letter for you.” Mandy hands me a letter and I quickly open it. To my soon-to-be wife, At this point you’re ready and about to put on your dress. Are you surprised? I hope you are. I’ve been planning this for the past few weeks. I’m sorry I can’t give you the wedding of your dreams. I hope this will be enough. I love you so much and I know we’re going to live a long and healthy life. You are my world, Bayleigh, and I can’t wait to see you. Your soon-to-be husband, Tyler “Let’s get you married, Bayleigh.” Taking one last look in the mirror, I smile at who’s looking back at me. The dress fits perfectly and the bottom half of my dress has just enough poof to make me feel like a princess. Mandy is in her violet colored dress. My mom and Moira are in their dresses and soon my dad meets us in the bedroom. When he looks at me, I feel the tears coming down and Mandy screams at me to not ruin my makeup. “Oh Bayleigh,” my dad says. “You look beautiful, honey.” “Thanks, Daddy.” I smile and give him a hug. “Thank you for coming and giving me away.” “No baby girl. I will never give you away.” I see tears well in his eyes and I lean over to give him a kiss. “I’ll always be your little girl, so don’t worry okay?” He nods and we get in position as per Mandy. “Are you ready?” I nod and take a deep breath because I’m about to walk to my future. When we get to the top of the stairs, I watch Mandy walk down the stairs and into the living room. Our house is full of flowers and candles. It looks beautiful and I can’t ask for more. The wedding march fills the air and I look at my dad one more time before we walk down the stairs and to my husband. Making it down without problems, I look at everyone here. It’s a small wedding with our family and close friends. Serena and Mandy are standing with Tyler, and Damon. I smile because I know the other groomsman

is Ryan. Closing my eyes, I say a prayer and feel a light breeze. “Ryan,” I whisper. My dad and I walk towards my future. When our eyes meet, everything freezes except for us. Looking at him, I see my future. I see everything I want and everything I need.

Tyler SHE’S WALKING TO me and I can’t breathe. I feel Damon’s hand on my shoulder and the girls are looking at me with smiles. Today is the day I’ve been waiting for since I was little. I remember every moment with Bayleigh and the obstacles we overcame. I’ll never regret the past because everything we’ve done has led us to this point in our lives. I love her and everything we’ve been through. The weeks of planning to make sure everything is perfect don’t matter. The smile on her face tells me everything I need to know. I’m happy to give her this day and I’d do it all over again. When my soon-to-be father-in-law passes her hand to me, I willingly take it and bring her close to me. “We’re getting married,” she says. “We are, baby.” Our eyes well up and I’m so tempted to kiss her. She’s the most beautiful woman ever, especially now, standing before me. Her soul is free and her spirits are lifted high. This girl, my girl, has been through hell and back. She fought the darkness and won. Now she’s about to be mine forever and I’m never going to let her go. The priest says his words and talks about love. I turn my head and see a missing spot next to me. Closing my eyes, I thank Ryan for being here for Bayleigh when she needed it the most. It’s because of him she realizes how amazing she is and the importance of her life. Not only is she alive and well, but she’s here with me. Everything is a blur. I can’t pay attention to the words he’s saying because of my beautiful bride. She’s stealing the show and looks beyond perfect. She is perfection. As soon as the priest has us repeat our vows and we place our rings on, he announces us man and wife, I dip her low and hear her perfect laugh. “You are mine forever,” I whisper, leaning down to kiss her. “Forever,” she repeats back to me. “And forever after forever.”



Tyler AS PER THE DOCTOR’S orders, I can’t take Bayleigh on the honeymoon of her dreams. Instead, we’re staying home for two weeks, enjoying each other’s company, and I’m going to make sure each day is filled with her happiness and the feeling of being on vacation. Waking up, after watching the ball drop on TV, and welcoming the New Year, I slowly get out of bed so I don’t wake her up. Heading downstairs, I get to work. Making chocolate chip pancakes with scrambled eggs, sausages and oatmeal for myself, I pour orange juice in a glass with my coffee and place everything on a tray. Walking back upstairs, I find Bayleigh in the nursery. She’s in the rocking chair, touching her stomach, and talking to Baby Scott. Placing the tray in our bedroom, I come back out and lean against the doorframe of the nursery. “So Mama got married to Daddy. You were there to watch us.” I hear her sigh and rub her stomach. “Let’s be good for the next few months okay? I promise if we’re both good I’ll be the best mama ever. Baby Scott, you’re going to know so much love and not a day will go by without you knowing how much you mean to us.” I wipe the tears and keep quiet. I love watching her talk to Baby Scott. Being married and having a baby on the way is what I want with Bayleigh. Joining her inside the nursery I kiss the crook of her neck and bring her to bed. It’s been a long day and I want to enjoy a night with my wife. Waking up from a fucked up dream I slide out of bed, and quietly slip out of the bedroom so I don’t wake Bayleigh up. It’s five in the morning and I can’t go back to sleep. Getting on my sneakers and coat I drive to Ryan’s grave. Sitting with him makes things seem better. “Hey brother. Sorry it took me a little bit to come and visit you. I hope things are good up there and you’re watching over us.” I move the dried leaves from his grave and sit in silence for a few moments. “We’re married now. I kept an empty spot next to me. I knew you were there,” I laugh. “I had a messed up dream. I can’t talk to Bayleigh about it. Not yet. I have a bad feeling. Just fucked up.” I think about the dream again. Bayleigh and our daughter didn’t make it out of the hospital. The pain I felt when I woke up nearly destroyed me. I can’t wrap my head around it. “It was a dream right?” Silence, and I accept it. Everything will be fine. Later that night, Bayleigh and I cuddle on the couch and watch TV. She’s well rested and comfortable. It eases my mind a little to know she’s not experiencing any pain. “What are you thinking about?” she asks me. “Just things,” I tell her and stroke her hair. “Memories of our life together so far.” This house holds memories for us and more to come. Even though there’s been sadness, the happy times trump everything. Then I think about her strength and it’s for the both of us. She truly believes everything will be fine. “You know what else I’m thinking about?” “What?”

I sigh and kiss her hands. “How beautiful your heart and soul are. You have this light about you, Bay, and I’m so lucky to have you as my wife. Thanks for making me your husband.” “Why you’re welcome, mister,” she rests her head on my shoulder, and we stay like this for a while before going upstairs. Winter comes and goes. We welcome spring with open arms. Everything is going well and I can’t imagine life getting any better. Sitting at my desk, I think about the past few months. Bayleigh’s stomach is growing and our baby is healthy and strong. Doctor Wells is confident the pregnancy will be fine and I believe him. She’s not experiencing any pain or discomfort, minus the regular pregnancy symptoms. I truly believe in faith and think Ryan is watching over her and making sure she’s not going to hurt or feel lost. Checking my phone, I see a text from Bayleigh. Bay: Got to the spa. Thank you for today. We’re loving it and can’t wait to relax. Don’t worry either. My therapist is Brenna! Me: Good and you don’t have to thank me baby. Anything to make you happy Bay: I love you husband Me: I love you wife It’s important to me Bayleigh gets her time with friends. She’s getting close to Serena, and it means a lot to me. We have a great group of friends and we all care about each other. The knock on my door gets my attention. Damon and Seth walk in and look like they’re up to something. “Let’s head out Scott. Tee-time is in an hour and I think we need a guy’s night.” Shutting down my computer, I couldn’t agree more. It’s past midnight when I get home. Quietly walking in, I shake my head and curse myself for drinking that much. Taking one step at a time, I make it into the bedroom and find a sleeping Bayleigh. God, my wife is beautiful. Getting out of my clothes, I slide in and hope to get lucky again. Kissing her ear lobe and down her neck, I feel her move and soon her elbow connects with my face. “Baby!” I yell and move away, checking to see if I’m bleeding. “The hell.” Shaking off the pain I growl and get back into bed, hovering over her body. “I didn’t think you were into kinky.” I gently push her down and ravish her mouth. “Fuck, you taste so good.” “Tyler,” she moans and moves underneath me. “Where were you?” “Ah well, there was golf and dinner with drinks.” “Everything okay?” I nod, and kiss her cheek down to her neck, sliding my hand under her shirt to feel her warm skin. “But we need to talk.” “About what?” I whisper, kissing her neck and feeling her body under my hands. “Is everything okay? You don’t go out very often.” “Just needed time to myself to get everything in my head straight.” “Oh.” I get off her and pull her up so we’re facing each other. Caressing her face, I lean over and softly kiss her lips. “Everything is fine.” “Doesn’t seem like it,” she tells me. “I don’t know what it is. I feel like this is too much for you.” “Yeah sometimes it is, but that’s okay. I want this with you.” “Are you sure?” She questions me and it irritates the fuck out of me. I’m not sure if this is how I’m really feeling or if this is the alcohol. People say when you drink, the truth comes out.

“Is it stressful? Fuck yes. I’m dealing with this too and it scares the shit out of me. I wonder why the fuck I’m going through this.” “We’re going through this. Not just you. Not just me. We both are.” I rest my head on hers and pull her closer. She seems so far away and I hate the distance between us. “I’m sorry.” I kiss her bare shoulder and my hands roam down her body. I need her right now. “Baby, I’m so fucking hard right now. I want you.” Gently pushing her down, my lips and hands explore her body. Spreading her legs wide, I dip my head between her thighs and pull off her panties. Throwing the panties on the floor, I lick her sensitive spot and her hands are in my hair. Knowing exactly what she needs, I slightly lift her hips off the bed and use my tongue to make her scream my name. “Don’t stop,” she moans. “Never,” I tell her and continue to suck until I see her come in my mouth. Quickly taking off my clothes, I furiously thrust inside her, feeling her deeply and urging for more. As many times as we’ve been together, this is the first time I’ve ever been this worked up. If I hear her moan my name, telling me to go harder one more time, I swear I was going to lose it faster than I wanted to. Her trembling body under mine is driving me wild. Every touch, every sound she makes, and the need coming from her lips makes me thrust harder and faster. She’s holding onto me, keeping me from falling, and shit I love the feel of her hands on my body. I love the feel of her. Just her. “Keep going. I need you so bad,” she moans. “Baby,” I gasp. “If you keep saying this it’s going to be over sooner than I want.” Moans of pleasure escape our lips. She feels tight around my cock and with a few more thrusts, I empty myself inside her and rest my forehead to hers. Kissing her, loving her, and needing her. Looking down at her satisfied face, I slowly pull out of her, clean her up with a washcloth from the bathroom and pull her to my body. “I missed you tonight. I know you want to hang out with the guys and that’s fine I’m not stopping you. We just missed you.” “I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I know I should have said it nicer. But I am stressed out because I worry about you.” She sits up too, and turns to look at me. Touching my face and leaning over to kiss me, she sits back down and holds my hand. “We’ve been through so much and this is another obstacle we will overcome.” “Why do we have so many obstacles? Why can’t things be perfect?” “Because life isn’t perfect. We are imperfect people creating a perfect life if that makes sense.” I nod. “It’s okay to be stressed out and wanting to get things off your chest. I want you to do it in a better way though. Can you do that for me?” “I can try.” “You need to try harder. Things might get harder, or stay the same. Either way, we’re a team and you straying away isn’t going to help.” I nod and don’t say anything because there’s nothing I can say. “Okay well, go to bed and we’ll talk in the morning.” I lean over to kiss her and she lets me. “I love you, Bay, and I’m sorry for thinking this is about me. You’re right this is us and we’re going to be okay.” “I love you too.” The next morning, after my shower, I head downstairs to start the coffee. Making my way upstairs I check the bedroom and don’t see Bayleigh. Going into the closet I change into my work clothes. As I’m buttoning my shirt I look around again and call out for her. It’s quiet in the house and worry strikes me. Rushing to the nursery I see it empty. I know she’s not downstairs so I head to the bathroom and rush inside when I see her on the floor. “Tyler,” she weakly says. “My head is pounding and everything is blurry,” she cries, holding her

stomach. “Something’s wrong.” I cradle her in my arms and pull out my phone to call 911. “It’ll be okay, baby.”

*** HOLDING HER IN MY arms and settling her on the couch, I rush to the kitchen and make her a cup of tea. Hearing the doctor’s words over and over again in my head. Preeclampsia. Premature labor. Severe bleeding. I slam my fists on the counter. How can this be happening? “Don’t be mad.” I turn around and see an exhausted Bayleigh, holding her stomach, and walking towards me. “Please.” “I can’t lose you,” I cry and walk backwards, leaning on the counter. “You heard the doctor. I won’t lose you, Bay.” “I’ll be fine. Our baby and I will be fine. Baby Scott is just having some issues, but the doctor said as long as I don’t overexert myself, I’ll be fine. Please don’t be upset.” “I don’t understand how you expect me to be okay with this. I won’t live a life without you.” I rush out of the kitchen and hear her follow me. I need to destroy the nursery. “Tyler, stop. You need to talk to me.” Opening the door, I look around and tears fill my eyes again. How can the world be this cruel? She’s the love of my life and our baby needs to live. I know asking her to terminate the pregnancy is too much. I’m being selfish, but I know if I had to choose between her and our baby, I would chose her. I will always choose her. Turning around, I see her and the way she’s looking at me, pleading with me, and I can’t give in. “You are my life, don’t you see that? We can make another baby. We can always have more babies. But there’s only one you, Bay. Only one you. Please try to see this from my point of view.” “I can’t, Tyler and I won’t. I have faith that everything will be fine and you should too. We just found out we’re having a daughter. This is happening. Soon, we’re going to figure out a name and it’s going to be okay.” “Faith? Coming up with a name? No! How can I have faith when you are choosing this and not even talking to me about it?” “Because I believe in the good and know it’ll be okay.” I’m standing here before her and can’t believe what I’m hearing. Knowing we’re having a baby girl and she could die is too much to handle. I turn away and realize she’s not going to abort the baby. “Please sit down and help me find a name. She needs a name.” “No,” I walk away. “No. I can’t and I won’t.” I can’t accept this right now and head out. Being in the nursery, and the house, is messing with my head. Sitting at the bar with an empty glass of whiskey, I get the bartender’s attention and ask for another drink. Alcohol isn’t helping the pain. Each sip brings more pain as I realize the reality of our lives. A hand touches my shoulder and I look up to see Damon. Looking away, I drown myself in the brown liquid. “You want to talk?” “Not really,” I tell him.

“Come on man. You’ve been here for hours. Your girl is home worried fucking sick about you and my fiancée is ready to kick your ass. Let’s go. I’m taking you home.” “To what,” I laugh. “To the fact she could die and the baby might die too. What’s the point?” “You selfish bastard.” He takes the glass from me and pushes me. “Did you think for a moment how she’s feeling? This is a life she’s carrying and the connection she’s built with your baby means more to her than anything. When you become a parent you will do anything to keep them safe. Be there for her, man.” “I can’t!” I scream, fighting the tears threatening my eyes. “I can’t. I’ve lost her so many times. I know she’s sad and feels alone. I don’t know how to help her.” “Believe in faith and God. Believe she’s strong enough to get through this. You have to let the love you have for her and your daughter be more than what you want.” I’m hearing him and he makes sense. It’s hard to figure out what to do. I want to be there for her and hold her hand through all of this. How can I be happy knowing she might die and I might lose my world? What if Bayleigh dies and our daughter lives? How can I raise a baby on my own, knowing she’s the reason my Bayleigh is gone? Will I resent my daughter? “There are too many reasons. I don’t want to resent my daughter.” “You won’t.” “How the fuck do you know?” I huff. “Because I watched my brother go through this. His wife died during labor and he thought the same thing you’re thinking. Now my brother and niece are living a healthy life and he loves her more than anything.” “They’re the lucky ones.” “Man,” Damon shakes his head. “It has nothing to do with luck.” He grabs my hand and places it on my heart. “This. This is what’s important.” I still don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.



Bayleigh WAKING UP ALONE isn’t something I’m used to. Slowly getting out of bed, I walk downstairs and hear Tyler’s voice. “She can die,” he yells and cries. I’m not sure who he’s talking to, but it must be someone on the phone. “What the hell am I supposed to do?” There’s a pause. “Mom, I can’t fucking lose her. I fucking can’t. We can always make another baby. There will never be another Bayleigh and if she dies and the baby lives, then what am I supposed to do with it?” It. He’s never referred to our daughter as it. Rushing downstairs, I hear him say bye and stand behind him. I’m not sure what to say or what I should do. Not wanting to think anymore, I wrap my arms around his waist and place my forehead on his back. “We’re going to get through this. I promise, I’m going to fight and I’m not going anywhere. I believe this is the right thing to do. Our daughter needs you. I need you.” “I know,” he cries. “I know that. The thought of losing you is fucking breaking me.” His hands wrap around mine. “How am I supposed to live without you?” “Tyler,” I cry with him. “Please don’t think that. You’re stressing out over something that might not be. So we have to be a little more careful and I have to recognize any signs of discomfort. I know that I can’t overwork myself and I need you to be calm. Of course there are risks, but if Doctor Wells is confident we’ll be okay then I’m going to believe him.” This is the hardest obstacle to overcome. I’m not sure what we can do. He’s on one side and I’m on the other. There’s no way I can terminate my pregnancy. The nursery is done and we know we’re having a girl. “You’re gambling with your life. There’s a fifty-fifty chance. I’m not a gambling man, Bayleigh.” “I know,” I whisper. “If Doctor Wells thinks I can’t handle the pregnancy then we’ll see. I have a feeling he’ll see it from my point of view. He’s a good doctor, Tyler. We have to trust him and I’m going to put all my money on him and his expertise.” “It’s still no guarantee. There’s a risk and that risk is your life. Why would you want to leave me?” “I don’t want to leave you.” I force Tyler to turn around and look at me. “This isn’t about you or me. This is about our daughter and giving her a chance to live. I will do anything to give her life and fight for my own, but I can’t do it alone. We need you.” He doesn’t say anything. Our hands are together and we’re standing in the living room. Neither of us are moving or talking. I’m not sure what else can be said. “I need you to never refer to our daughter as it. She’s a person. Not a thing. Do you understand?” He nods and I let go of his hands and head to the kitchen. “I’m going to make breakfast. You can either join me or stand there. Your choice.”

The next few days are hard. We’re both home and haven’t talked too much. I miss my Tyler. He won’t touch me and he looks at me like I’m going to break. I didn’t want to yell and argue anymore. It’s hard to live under the same roof when he’s acting like this. The doctor gave us strict orders to not travel and having to call our parents and tell them the news didn’t sit well with me. Tyler comes over and hands me a cup of tea. He’s smiling at me and it’s frustrating. I want to stay mad at him. “Look at me,” he pleads. “I know I haven’t been making this easy. I’m scared as hell and I want you to be safe.” I nod and I’m about to respond when I feel something in my stomach and immediately realize it’s our baby girl moving. Taking Tyler’s hand and placing it on my stomach he waits a moment before I hear a gasp and look at him. “That’s our girl,” I remind him. “She doesn’t like your stress and she’s telling you not to worry. We’re going to be fine.” Tyler leans his lips to my stomach and kisses it. “Hi baby girl. Please be safe in there okay?” “We still don’t have a name.” “Yeah,” he answers. “We will though. Tonight I just want to hold my wife and daughter and forget about the stress.” “I’d like that.” *** WE HAVE AN appointment today and I’m nervous. Holding Tyler’s hand, we walk into the doctor’s office and I check in with the receptionist. Looking at the other women in the waiting room, I find us seats in the corner. “How are you feeling?” “Good.” I touch my stomach and smile. “We’re both doing so well.” “I’m glad you were able to eat something this morning.” “Yeah, the eggs and toast with orange juice were good. Thank you again.” I lean over and kiss his cheek. “You don’t have to thank me for making you breakfast.” “I know.” I bring my arm through his and lean on his shoulder. “But I want you to know I appreciate everything you do for me and Baby Scott.” “Baby Scott,” he repeats. “Yeah we’re going to have to give her a name soon.” “It’s so hard because I want her to have the prettiest name.” I take out my phone and we look at some names. Finding a name shouldn’t be this hard. “Gillian Nicole.” I laugh and look at him, “Why that name?” “I don’t know it seems to fit well. Plus Gillian means youthful and Nicole is your mom’s middle name.” I smile again. Honestly, can this man get sweeter? “Bayleigh Murphy?” A short blonde nurse calls for me. When we both look up, Tyler takes my hand and walks in the direction of the exam rooms. “How are you doing?” “Good,” I tell her and look at Tyler. “We’re both doing well.” The nurse smiles and leads us to an open area to get my vitals. Other women are there with nurses and they smile at us when we walk in. Sitting on the high chair, Tyler takes my purse and leans on the wall, waiting for the nurse to get my blood pressure and some information.

“You’re not uncomfortable?” I ask him. “Nope. Anywhere you go, I go too.” I hear some women gasp and sigh, looking at him, swooning and awe in their eyes. I smile because I know he’s the sweetest even if he’s being overprotective. I guess I’d rather have him be overprotective than not care. When Doctor Wells comes in, he sits down and takes out his file. “So, I read the notes from the hospital. How are you doing?” His voice is nice and sympathetic, making me feel comfortable. “I’m okay. Remember when I had some pains earlier in my pregnancy?” He nods. “Well, I’ve been getting sick and the headaches were on and off until the day I was taken to the hospital. I knew something wasn’t right. We’ve been taking it easy these last few days.” “I see,” he nods and looks at me. “We have to monitor you, Bayleigh, so please stay home and keep busy, but no stress. Even though you’re home it doesn’t mean you can’t be active. Take small walks or find a hobby and if you feel any pain or bleeding, get to the hospital. This is serious. Preeclampsia isn’t something that’s going to go away and with all of the pain you have been experiencing you are at a higher risk for complications with your pregnancy. You’re going to have to come in more and I’ll need to put you on medication for your blood pressure. I know you’re pretty healthy, but this is for you and your baby so don’t think the medication or what’s going on is your fault. Preeclampsia isn’t rare for women who are experiencing their first pregnancy. You have my number, right?” Quickly Tyler’s head spins and he glares at me. I roll my eyes and nod. “I do, thank you so much.”



Tyler HEARING DOCTOR WELLS’ words frustrates me to no end. If I wasn’t careless, then Bayleigh wouldn’t be in this position. I wouldn’t be risking losing her and our baby. If I lose her it’ll be my fault and I’ll have no one else to blame. “Listen, why don’t I check your baby and you can listen to her heartbeat again? I’m sure nothing has changed.” Looking at Bayleigh, she nods her head and smiles. I watch as he lifts up her shirt and puts some clear shit on her stomach. I swallow the lump in my throat and fight the concern that’s building. Part of me wants to hear my child’s heartbeat again and part of me doesn’t. I read more about her condition and know if there’s no heartbeat, we lost the baby. I didn’t want to say that to her. The idea of not hearing my baby’s heartbeat scares me because I know this will break Bayleigh. She’s going to blame herself and sink back into her hole. It’s not something I want for her. I’m torn between supporting and loving her, or hoping we lose the baby so her life isn’t at risk anymore. All I want is for her to be safe. I need her safe. I hate this torn feeling. I hate having these thoughts. What father wants his unborn baby to die? “Ready?” I look up and hold Bayleigh’s hand. The screen is a mix of black, gray and white. I’m not ready. I’m not ready. I can’t be here. A steady thumping noise fills the room. Fuck, I’m going to cry. Everything is changing around me. I’m looking at the screen with wide eyes. She’s okay. She’s alive and things are going to be okay. “That’s our baby,” I whisper. Bayleigh holds my hand tighter and I let the tears fall. “Gillian Nicole, you’re safe.” I’m excited our baby is okay, but then again that means Bayleigh’s life is still at risk. “Everything sounds great. The heartbeat is strong and healthy and that’s a good sign.” He looks at me and all I can think about is what if something terrible happens. A baby we can make again. Another Bayleigh? No. Doctor Wells telling me I need to be supportive and understanding helps. She needs me to be strong and not freak out and break down when she’s hurting or needs me. When we leave the office, I help her get in the car and rush to the driver’s side. I want to get home and cherish my beautiful girl. Taking her hand, I give it a kiss. “I’m so glad you got to hear Gillian’s heartbeat.” She beams and touches her stomach. “I told you everything is going to be okay.” “Yeah.” I didn’t want to agree with her. “I can’t wait to get you home. I miss you.” “I know. I miss you too.” She leans in and places her head on my shoulder. “Today’s been a wonderful

day.” It’s about to get better. Getting her upstairs to our bedroom in record time and undressing her, I kiss her slowly from her lips down her body to where she wants me most. Hearing her moaning, whimpering, begging me for more, nearly makes me blow in my jeans. Swiping my tongue over her clit, sliding two fingers inside her, and hearing her moan my name feels incredible. I love the power I have over her body and the pleasure she feels with my every touch and suck. “I need you inside me, please,” she begs. Standing up and getting out of my clothes, I pull her closer to the edge of the bed, spreading her legs, and sliding inside her. Grabbing her arms, I thrust hard, completely filling her, and seeing her body arch to my thrust. Holy fuck, she’s sexy when she moves with me and moans with pleasure. “I don’t think I can last long,” I moan. “I love you, baby.” “How good does my pussy feel around your cock?” “So fucking good.” Those naughty words slip out of her mouth and it drives me crazy. I thrust faster and harder, showing her how good she makes it feel. Nothing in my life feels as good as I do now. This moment is changing my world. Seeing her bare, loving what I’m doing to her, and the way we move our bodies together tells me everything I need to know. “Tyler,” she screams. “I’m coming!” Throwing my head back, I follow and my body stills. Leaning forward I kiss her lips, “I love you so much.” “I love you too.” Pulling her in my arms, up on our bed, I kiss the side of her head and place my hand on her stomach. Watching Bayleigh fall asleep in my arms, I keep my hand on her stomach. We have a name for our daughter, and it’s getting close to her due date. Everything is ready, and we’re buying things for Gillian almost every day. At first I wasn’t sure if I could touch her stomach and listen to her heartbeat. Thoughts about possibly losing either of them doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t know where she has her faith or how she believes everything will be fine.



Bayleigh WAKING UP, IN A state of bliss, I look around and see flowers, balloons and teddy bears. “Bayleigh?” “Hi,” I whisper, and look up. “Can you pass me a shirt?” “Ew.” Mandy grabs a shirt and passes it to me. “Here please dress because, ew.” “Whatever,” I laugh. “What’s all of this?” “For you, bitch.” Mandy sits on the edge of the bed and takes my hand. Her sobs follow and I hate doing this to my best friend. “You are my best friend and your Mini You means the world to me.” I cry with her and squeeze her hand. “Please tell me you’re going to be okay, please?” “I am going to be okay, Mandy. I’m not leaving you. I’m not leaving Tyler. Gillian and I are going to be fine. I’m going to have a healthy baby and things are going to be wonderful. We’re going to live a long life and when we’re eighty years old we’ll look back and smile because we freaked out over nothing.” “Gillian?” I nod. “A girl! I’m having a niece.” “Yes! And she’s so strong.” Mandy looks away. I feel guilty telling her all of this and not considering her feelings. “But it’s not nothing, Bayleigh. Something is wrong with you and Gillian,” she sobs. “I can’t lose either of you.” “And you won’t. We’re not going anywhere.” “This is so hard to understand. You’re healthy and you take care of yourself. I don’t get it.” Mandy takes my hand and bends her head down. I feel bad my best friend in the whole world is going through the pain. I hate this is happening. If I’m being honest I don’t understand my condition either. “Promise you’re not going anywhere because no one will be able to stand it.” “I promise.” I tell her even though there’s a chance I won’t be able to keep my promise. After going through all the shitty things in my life over the past few years I want to stay realistic. Preeclampsia is a serious condition. I’m on meds and I’m taking it easy, but sometimes life likes to test your limits. Preeclampsia isn’t uncommon and most women come out of it just fine. I’m sure we are overreacting, but I just can’t help thinking of the worse-case scenario. It’s not fair if I do pass away or if Gillian doesn’t make it. I need to stop. I can’t think that way. Even though I’m going to be prepared, I still can’t wrap my head around the idea of not being here with my husband and daughter. Taking her hand, I give it a squeeze and silently pray my faith works because I’m not ready to leave yet. We spend the night having dinner together. Damon and Seth show up with more Thai food and we sit around the living room laughing and talking as if nothing is wrong. Looking around at my friends, who are my family, I happily sigh. ***

SAYING GOODBYE TO everyone, I head upstairs to find Tyler in our bathroom filling the tub with water, rose petals and lavender bath salt. The bathroom is filled with tea light candles, with my Kindle on the counter and soft music playing. “What’s all this?” I whisper, looking around and taking in what he’s doing. “I want you to relax tonight,” he gets up, wiping his hands on a towel, and walks to me. “Everything that happens to you happens to Baby Scott and me. If you’re happy and relaxed that means you’re going to be healthy and I’m happy knowing I can make you feel that way. It’s important to me you stay well rested. I don’t want you to go through any stress.” He leans down and kisses my forehead. “Tonight is about you. Get changed and get in the tub. I’ll sit here next to you, and we don’t have to talk. I can sit here and watch you read, soaking in the tub with our baby.” Hearing him say all of this makes me cry a little. He so badly wants me to be okay and I get it. I don’t argue with him. He’s already lost his brother, and him doing this makes him relaxed. He’s protecting us and I’m going to let him. No more arguing or being secretive. If he wants me home, then that’s what I’m going to do. “Okay, that sounds wonderful,” I tell him, and start to get out of my clothes. “Thank you so much for all of this. It means so much to me that you go through the trouble of making sure I’m happy.” “Baby, it’s no trouble at all. I want to be sure you’re okay, and as your husband then I’m going to do just that. So many times I’ve fallen and failed you. Not this time.” He caresses my face. “Most people are scared of what they don’t know and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or feel. This is our new path. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I promise you I’m a better man because this time around I have you and we’re both in a good place.” “So this alpha male protective side of you is staying?” “Yes,” he kisses me. “It’s staying.” “Good,” I wink, and slowly get in the tub. Sliding down, feeling the warm water on my skin, and instantly relaxing feels good. Even though all I can think about is Tyler in the tub with me, making love to me, taking my body to places it’s never been before. Our sex life is escalating and I want it every day. I want it as many times as possible. Seducing him comes to mind when I see him sitting on the bathroom floor with his laptop. My man is so hot with his white tee shirt and basketball shorts on. The outfit is simple, but the way he wears it is . . . wow. There are no words. We don’t talk too much. He lets me read while working on reports. Getting to an erotic scene in my book, I can’t take it anymore. Standing up from the lukewarm water, I put my Kindle on top of the toilet set and step out. Tyler looks at me, without saying anything, and follows me with a towel in his hand. “Dry me,” I whisper to him, watching as he takes the fluffy towel and dries every part of my body. Slowly gracing the towel over my breasts, down my body, to my aching pussy. “I like when you’re being careful. To be honest,” I pause and look at him, “I want you to do more.” “Like what?” I wink. “You’re the one who’s in control.” Turning around, I back myself onto his hard cock, rubbing my ass against him, gripping his thighs, and hearing the low grumble from his throat. “Take me, Tyler.” A few rounds of passionate love making later, my body is still on cloud nine. Lying next to Tyler, watching him sleep, I wonder what life will be life when Baby Scott arrives. Then I think about what if I’m not here to experience life with our baby and I have to leave them behind. I believe I can make it through this and I’ll be okay when it’s time to give birth. I don’t want to think about the possibility of leaving my two hearts behind. I’m not sure I can be honest. The love I have for Tyler and Baby Scott runs so deep. Our souls are connected on every level possible. The yearning to be close to one another is strong and prevails, like our

love. His presence brings my body to his every command and hearing his voice sends shivers down my spine. Sometimes I’ll watch him in the corner, where he doesn’t see me, and I memorize every expression of happiness, frustration, anger and devotion. We can sit in a room without talking, and we don’t need to. Sometimes it just is what it is and we’re happy to be next to one another, holding hands, and being the way we are. I feel like everything in my life has led me to this very moment.



Tyler SINCE MY RESIGNATION from the company I’ve stayed on good terms with Chad and Brian. They’re in town for a week and we decided it’ll be nice to have everyone over. They weren’t able to make it to the wedding and want to offer their congratulations. Pulling into my driveway I see Serena’s car and wonder what she’s doing. Walking inside I hear crying and rush to the living room to find Bayleigh consoling Serena. “What’s going on?” Bayleigh looks at me and shakes her head. “Looks like Slut Anna is on the loose again.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Chad’s been cheating on me with her,” Serena softly says. “We broke up this morning when a picture of them at dinner was sent to me. I called Chad and he acted as if he didn’t do anything wrong.” Sitting down with the girls I rub Serena’s back and don’t say anything. My best friend from California decided to be an asshole. With them in town I’m not sure how this is going to work. “He doesn’t deserve you,” Bayleigh says. “If a guy cheats on you then he’s nothing but an asshole who doesn’t deserve your tears.” “I trusted him and now it’s gone. I’m not sure what to think or say.” “Well,” I start to say. “Him and Brian are coming to town. They’ll be here in a few days.” “Great,” Serena huffs. “He’s most likely going to bring her and we’ll just all have fun.” I see Bayleigh frown and I look at her. We have a silent conversation and I think she knows what I’m going to say. “He’s not coming over here, Tyler.” Serena’s head pops up and both girls are staring at me. “Are you serious?” “Him and Brian are going to be in town and want to get together. I thought it would be a good idea to have a dinner party here at the house. I didn’t know he was cheating on her.” “Ugh,” Bayleigh groans and Serena remains quiet. “Well this is going to be barrels of fun. I seriously can’t wait to see Slut Anna.” The room grows quiet and I take it as my queue to leave. Going into my office I pull out my phone and send Chad a text message. Me: What the fuck is your deal? Chad: You heard huh? Me: Damn right I did. She’s here at my house and Bay’s talking to her . . . You do know what you’re getting into right? Chad: It literally just happened. I don’t know what I was thinking Me: So now you’re together? A picture doesn’t lie Chad; Yeah we are . . . I like her a lot

Me: You’re fucked up. You dissed Serena and now you’re with Anna . . . The girl who tried to fuck things up for me? Chad: It’s not like that man. She’s sorry and wants to make amends Me: Whatever. Fuck . . . just don’t bring drama into my house Chad: Okay I won’t. I’ll talk to her I don’t respond back and work a little more before saying bye to Serena and going to bed with Bayleigh. “So you’re really going to have them over?” “Yeah and I’m sorry. We should have talked first.” “It’s fine. I’ll have Mandy, Damon and Seth over. It’ll be great.” She smirks and slides under the covers. I’m not sure if I should be scared or not. The night of the party everything has been decorated and thanks to Wegmans we have the food catered. I look at my wife in a cream color dress with her hair done nicely and her makeup perfectly on. I know what she’s doing. Shaking my head I look around and see Mandy finishing up with Serena. All three girls are dressed beautifully and all I can do is sit back and pray no one gets into a fight. Bringing in the last of the food trays, I see Anna walking towards me with a smile on her face. I look around, hoping to find someone near me, but they’re in the living room talking to our guests. “Hey!” She waves and smiles. “Wow, nice house. I love the decorations.” She leans over to kiss my cheek and touches my arm. “Thanks. Bayleigh has fun decorating and putting her own touches to the house.” “Ah, so where is she? Will she be joining us today?” “Of course,” I tell her. “Why wouldn’t she?” Anna rolls her eyes and it pisses me off to no end. “Why are you here again?” “Because,” she spins around. “I’m with Chad and he wants me here by his side.” “Whatever, Anna,” I huff. “If you can stay on your best behavior tonight that would be great.” “Or,” she slithers over to me, rubbing her hand down my chest. “We can repeat that night in your office. You know my pussy over your hard cock, riding you, feeling you want me more. Come on. Chad’s just okay. I need you, Tyler.” Hating myself for letting her come this close to me, I haul myself away and head towards the living room. Being near her is trouble, and I don’t want trouble. She’s my biggest regret and the reason I couldn’t see clearly. “You look so hot,” she tells me with desire steaming from her eyes. “So hot.” Pushing me against the counter, knocking me off balance, she presses her lips on mine and shoves her tongue in my mouth. I’m doing everything I can to push her off. Fuck, I want to kill her. “Am I interrupting?” Pushing Anna off me I see Bayleigh, Mandy and Serena standing in front of me. Chad comes by and sees what’s happening. Serena comes over and pushes Anna to the corner. “You stupid idiot, can you stop being a slut and opening your legs and lips? The only reason you’re here is because you’re so fucking easy. Get a fucking clue, asshole. They’re pregnant,” Serena screams and points at us. “When are you going to get a clue?” I walk over to Bayleigh and lean down to kiss her. She stops me and gives me a funny look. “I don’t want to catch anything, so go rinse your mouth with bleach before those lips come near me.” She glares at me and then at Anna. Smiling her devious smile, she walks over to Anna and I’m prepared for an all-out war between the two. “Anna?” “Yeah?” “This is our house. It’s STD free. If I wasn’t pregnant trust me sweetheart, you wouldn’t be standing,

so I suggest you get your infested body away from my things and husband before I personally take a knife and stab you several times without blinking or even a care in the world.” She leans in and whispers, “Pregnant women tend to be seen as unstable and usually don’t see jail time, so try me sweetheart.” Anna retreats to the deck and internally I’m cheering for my bad ass girl. I don’t know where she got her attitude from and I’m not complaining. Bayleigh needs to stand up for herself and for us. I wish she didn’t have to see that and I hate myself for letting things get carried away in California. I shouldn’t have been blind. The dinner goes smoothly, without any more issues. Bayleigh stays by my side most of the time and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves.



Bayleigh SEEING HER LIPS on Tyler’s nearly killed me. I’m not sure where my confidence in standing up for myself came from. With this pregnancy and everything going on, I feel stronger and I know Tyler’s worth everything. I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize our relationship and I want to show him I love him and I’ll fight whoever or whatever. Love isn’t a fight, but it’s something worth fighting for, and I will fight for my family. My mother always said to kill them with kindness. I didn’t yell or scream. In the nicest way possible I told Anna I’d kill her so that was kind of me to say. Luckily, I have Mandy and Serena here with me or else I would be in jail right now. Seeing Anna in our home is doing things to me and I hate feeling like this. I’m protecting what’s mine and she needs to stay away. “It’s fine,” Serena whispers to me. Since the day of our talk she’s been there for me and I can’t thank her enough. At first I hated her, and now I consider her a great friend-she’s someone who understands Tyler and gets me too. It’s hard to find that quality in a friend. She doesn’t take sides, and tells me things that Tyler did in California. Hearing him in pain hurts me too. I did this to him. I damaged him, and going forward, I’ll make it better. “Seeing her here is irritating me. Why is she even here? If I could kick her out I would in a heartbeat.” “Trust me I get it.” Serena adds. “When I look at her all I see is red. I can’t believe she has the balls to be here knowing what she did to me. And don’t get me started on Chad. He won’t talk to me or look at me. I want to hear his side of the story, but really I don’t. If he cheated on me and I take him back what does that make me.” “I get it,” I tell her. “She’s the devil and I know Mandy won’t hold back so we’ll stand here looking pretty and being classy. Being the bigger person will be better.” “I hate being the bigger person.” I laugh and we head over to the living room to check on the food and see how everyone’s doing. Mandy’s with Damon and Seth, while Tyler’s coming into view. Looking at him is making everything better. Until I see Anna again. Anger doesn’t hit me. Sadness overwhelms me. Here I am deciding to risk my life to have our baby and I’m sure Anna is one hundred percent capable of having a healthy pregnancy. The idea of leaving Tyler, and him moving on isn’t sitting well with me. I know it’s selfish to want him to be alone if I’m gone. It makes me so mad thinking how unfair life can be and has been to me. When will it be my time to finally be happy for a long period of time? Like forever. If something does happen to me, deep down I want Tyler to find someone who’ll love him and our baby. I want him to find happiness and be okay. And I swear if it’s Anna, I’m going to haunt them for the rest of their lives. I’ll make an accident

happen. Mandy makes her way over to me with a glass of lemon water. “Doing okay sweetie?” I take the glass from her and slowly take sips. “Trying not to think about it.” “Don’t be too hard on him. You know he loves you and Gillian. Tyler wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Especially since you two just got back together. He doesn’t have that kind of heart.” “I know. Do you think I was too hard?” Thinking back to the silent treatment I gave him worries me. I stayed by his side and made nice with his friends. I didn’t want to make the dinner weird. “No,” Mandy says. “I think what you did is fine. Tyler needs to be put in his place sometimes. He’s way too nice and you both need each other for balance. Talking is important. I know you two had a really good relationship before, but things are different now. You can’t bottle in how you feel and you need to let him know what bothers you.” I listen to Mandy’s words and trust her advice. I look at Damon and smile. He loves my best friend with his whole heart and she loves him too. They’re both meant for each other, even though they started off in an odd way. I’m not one to judge and I would never. As long as they love each other and make each other happy, that’s what matters. The party ends around eleven and I’m exhausted. Not wanting to bother Tyler and Damon, I straighten things out in the kitchen and living room, making sure it’s pretty clean and make a mental note to do more cleaning in the morning. Checking in on the guys, I hear them talking in the office and make my way upstairs to start a nice bath. Pouring lavender into the tub I get out of my dress and step into the tub. The water feels nice and instantly I feel a little more relaxed. Grabbing an anxiety release essential oil, I take a small amount and put some on my neck and below my ear lobe. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and think about what’s going to happen next. Everything is going fine and I feel great. I’m not experiencing more pain and I’m not as sick as before. I have the normal morning sickness and feeling tired. Taking baths or resting does it for me. I miss going to work and contributing to our family. I know Doctor Wells wants me to take it easy and there’s no way Tyler’s going to let me work. Sometimes I miss the independence and doing what I feel is right. I push aside my stubbornness because there’s no way I can admit to Tyler that he’s right. I shouldn’t work right now. Hopefully soon I can.



Tyler LEAVING HER HOME today is killing me. My phone goes off at seven in the morning with an emergency meeting I can’t get out of. When I’m dressed and about to kiss her goodbye, she wakes up and looks at me. “Baby I’m sorry, I have to go into the office. Will you be okay?” “Yeah,” she answers, and brings me down to her lips. “I promise me and Baby Scott are going to be just fine, honey. Go to work and when you come home, we’ll be here waiting okay?” “Okay. Please text me if you feel any pain or anything. I’ll have Serena or someone come check on you okay?” “Sure, that sounds like a good idea. Go! I’m going to go back to sleep.” Kissing her forehead, I head out of the house. It’s harder than I think when I get in the car and start it. Looking at the house, fighting the internal battle inside me, and figuring out what’s more important, I know I have to provide for my family, but leaving her isn’t an option. Just as I’m about to turn off my car, my phone vibrates. Bay: My husband please go! I am fine! Me: I worry about you Bay: I know you do. I love you for that, but I promise I am okay. Have a great day at work and we will see you soon Reading the words we will see you soon puts my heart on high. It lifts me up and I believe she’s going to be okay. Everything will be okay. Driving to work, I remember last night and watching her sleep. It was two in the morning when I woke up, lifting the strands of her hair out of her face and loving the peaceful look on it. She was protectively holding her stomach and it made me choke a little. I leaned down, close to her stomach, and talked to Baby Scott. “Hi Gillian. It’s Daddy. I wanted to say hi and let you know how much I love you. I know you probably can’t hear me right now, but I hope to see you soon. Right now things are hard. Can you do me a favor? I need you to fight and be strong. I need you and Mommy to be here with me because I don’t think I can go on if anything happens to either of you.” Touching her stomach, I lean closer and press my lips to her skin, hoping Baby Scott can feel my kiss. “No matter what I’m here and when you’re in my arms, that’s where you’ll stay. I can’t wait to meet you, so be good in there okay?” Meeting after meeting my thoughts go to Bayleigh. For someone who knows how to control the room and handles his business, thinking about Bayleigh makes me weak. Pulling out my phone I type out a text

message to her. Me: I miss you . . . How are you feeling? Bay: Good. Just got back from the gym . . . Mandy and I went swimming and I feel really relaxed Me: The pool is heated you know Bay: Yeah, but I walked on the treadmill and did some more things. It feels good I smile at her text and laugh that she’s so adamant about getting out of the house. I know being cooped up inside drives her crazy. Me: Why don’t I take you to see a movie? You pick Bay: It’s a date Mr. Scott Me: I look forward to it Mrs. Scott I put away my phone and get back to the reports I’m working on. There’s a phone conference in a few minutes and I feel good knowing she’s okay. I rush home after work and find a ready Bayleigh. I laugh thinking about her being so excited for a movie night out. Pulling her in my arms I shower her with kisses. “Hi,” she smiles. “Hi. Are you ready?” “Yes!” We get to the movie theater and I buy us tickets to see The Longest Ride. I love seeing how happy she is knowing I’ll have to sit through another Nicholas Sparks movie. “Happy?” “Very.” She wraps her arm around my waist and we walk to our seats. The movie starts and I can’t take my eyes off of her. She’s staring at the big screen, her hand in mine, and the incredible ease of being with her still surprises me. When she turns her head and smiles at me it leaves me breathless. There’s something about the way she looks at me. It’s like no one has looked at me like that before. She sees me for who I am and who I want to be. In California it wasn’t a secret women wanted me. It’s not about being cocky or having a big ego. Women had no shame. They’d stare at me and lick their lips, sticking their chests out, and sometimes their clothes somehow shrank throughout the day. With Bayleigh, it’s genuine and it’s the way it should be. All I need is her and our daughter and my future is full.



Bayleigh THE DOORBELL RINGS and I head over to find Serena on the other side with a few bags. “Come in,” I smile and we walk to the kitchen. “Thank you for doing this for me. Mandy should be over in a little.” “Yeah, no problem. How are you feeling?” I tell her about what’s going on. I trust Serena and know she’ll understand me. Guiding her to the living room, I get comfortable on the couch and take a deep breath. “Serena, I’m so sorry we weren’t close and didn’t get a chance to really know each other.” She laughs, “But we are now girl, so no worries. The way Tyler talks about you is so romantic. He loves you so much.” Holding back the tears, I smile and nod. “I know you’re going to be okay.” “And if I’m not,” I pause, finding the right words to say. “If I’m not okay, I need you to please be by his side. He won’t be strong enough. I need you to watch him, love him and be there. He’s going to be so lost.” Serena covers her mouth and shakes her head. “No. Don’t say that, Bayleigh. I’ve been reading about your condition and since your doctor knows what’s going on and you have a plan then everything will be fine, you can beat it. I mean my goodness, look at you. You’re healthy and strong. Please don’t give up.” “I’m not giving up,” I explain. “No, it’s the opposite. I’m making sure that Tyler and our baby won’t be alone. I have faith, but life surprises us. Can’t you see where I’m coming from?” “No!” I turn around and see Mandy standing behind me. It takes all of me not to break down and cry. I didn’t want my best friend hearing this. This conversation keeps getting pushed back. Mandy won’t listen to me or accept this. Maybe I am being dramatic, but I need to know everyone will be okay if I don’t survive. “Mandy.” “Murphy, don’t you fucking dare do this!” she screams and comes rushing over to me, hugging me tightly and crying in my arms. “Sweetie, you are going to be fine. Everything is going to be okay. You promised you wouldn’t go anywhere.” “And I’m not. These are what-ifs and something I need to do. Serena,” I turn to look at her. “Please be there.” “Of course, but I agree with Mandy. You aren’t going anywhere.” I look at my best friend and new friend. Growing up I had many friends, but after the rape, I lost my friends because no one knew what to say to me. As time passed, I realized that it doesn’t matter how many friends you have. Quality over quantity will always win. My best friend. My true friend is Mandy. She’s been there for me through everything and I know I can count on her. “Baby Scott is going to need you since you’re going to be her Godmother.” Mandy cries a little harder and lets me go. “Really? I mean, I knew it because duh, it’s me and we’re best friends.”

“Yeah, we are and my baby is going to know what it’s like to have a best friend because I got through life with you by my side. You are my best friend and even though you drive me crazy, I’m so proud of you. I’m proud of the woman you’ve become. You’re successful, beautiful, creative, amazing, sweet, and your heart is so big and pure. I’m going to need you forever.” “Murphy, I will beat your skinny ass if you leave.” The three of us laugh and it feels good to be surrounded by my friends. Serena leaves a few minutes later to head back to the office. I walk her out and give her a hug, thanking her for everything. Shutting the door, I walk back to the living room and see Mandy looking through a photo album. “God, we were so little and look at us now,” she says touching each picture. “Do you think about Ryan?” “Yeah I do,” I smile. “He’s here with us and he knows I’m going to need him.” Mandy smiles and we decide to go for a walk at the park and grab something to eat. When I get home I head upstairs to the nursery and sit down on the rocking chair. Placing my hand on my stomach I look around the room and imagine myself here with our daughter. “Do you know how much I love you?” I tell Gillian. “You make my life complete and better. Before you came along I wasn’t sure what I wanted or who I was, and now I know why I’m still here. I’m here to be your mommy. You are my greatest blessing and one of the few things I’ve done right in this life. I’m strong because of you.” After all the ups and downs in my life I finally realize my purpose and meaning of life. There will always be bad things that happen. It might not seem fair and things aren’t clear, but one day everything will make sense. “Daddy and I are excited to meet you. We all are. When you come into this world it’s going to be scary at first, but trust me things will get better. You’ll have the best people protecting you and making sure you’re okay. When you meet your Godmother, Mandy, I want you to always listen to her. She might seem a little crazy, but Mandy is mommy’s best friend. She’s the kindest person with the biggest heart.” I rock back and forth, softly rubbing my stomach, wondering if Gillian can hear me. Nothing bad is going to happen to either of us. Everyone’s overreacting. I believe in faith and I know these obstacles are in front of me to make me stronger. Every day I’m getting strong and it’s because of my husband and daughter. “We’re going to make mistakes with you baby girl. Your daddy is going to be strict, but remember how much he loves you.” I smile thinking about how protective Tyler will be with her. She’s going to be beautiful and he’s going to go crazy over everything she does. “Always remember no matter what happens, or the mistakes you make, we’ll love you forever.”



Bayleigh “MANDY, I CAN’T BELIEVE we have to go back to your house. How did you forget your wallet?” “Hush, it happens.” “We’re going to be late for your fitting!” I whine and roll my eyes. Today has been a disaster. The appointments we had today were rescheduled and now we’re going to miss the fitting. The wedding is in a few weeks and I need to make sure the dress fits me and Mandy has to make the final decision too. “Well, I have to pee so let’s go and hurry up.” We walk inside her house and all of a sudden the women I love pop up and yell surprise. I look around the room at the decorations of pink, white and Winnie the Pooh. Everything looks beautiful and I’m so thankful for the friends in my life. My mom, mother-in-law, and Serena stand before me with smiles on their faces. This day means so much to me. Placing my hands on my stomach, I look down and whisper for Gillian to look and see these strong women who’ll love her just as much as Tyler and I will. “This means so much to me.” I turn around and look at Mandy. “Thank you so much for planning this.” “We all did. Now come on and sit down.” Mandy guides me to a rocking chair and my mom hands me a bottle of cold water. I take it and thank her for everything. “Today’s all about you and relaxing. So let’s eat and open presents,” Serena announces. Finishing the food, which consisted of pasta with chicken, and veggies with dip, Mandy hands me the first box. It’s from Moira. “Thank you, Mom.” I smile and open the box. Inside, there’s a white album and on the cover it has Gillian’s name with her 3D sonogram picture. Picking it up, I flip through the pages and see pictures of everyone who’ll be important to my daughter. There are empty pages in the back. “Those will be filled and you can always add pages. You’re going to have so many pictures and one day you’ll show this to Gillian.” One day. I hold back the tears. I’m praying every night that I can see the future with Gillian and Tyler. It’s hard to think about possibly dying and leaving them. If I’m not here to see these monumental moments, then who’ll be sure they’ll be okay? I can’t die. My fairytale may end in a few weeks. Swallowing the hard lump in my throat, and feeling the moments around me, I’m realizing I’m not ready for this. “Hey,” my mom stands up and walks to me. “Baby girl¸ you’re going to be fine. I believe, just like you do. You will see these moments with your daughter and you’ll be here for her.” “And if I’m not,” I whisper. It’s so hard to say those words. “Can you all promise me you’ll watch over my family?”

Mandy grabs Moira’s hand and Serena looks away. “Please, I need to know.” “I’m not going to listen to this,” Mandy cries. “Bayleigh, you’re not going anywhere okay?” “But we have to talk about it. Please.” “No,” she says and Moira wipes the tears from her eyes. “Serena please. You’ll be here right? Please remember what I asked of you.” “What?” Mandy screeches. “I can’t even right now. You will fucking fight, Bayleigh. Sweetie,” she gets up and walks to me. “Listen to me. Listen to all of us. This is your story and when you’re old and gray, we’ll watch our grandchildren playing. We’re best friends. Like you and Tyler, our friendship is forever okay?” I nod, and realize I’m not going anywhere with this conversation. “Okay, let’s go back and enjoy today because my beautiful best friend threw me the best surprise.” After the baby shower, Mandy drives me home and helps me bring everything from the shower to the nursery. We’re quiet and I take her hand and hold it. She looks at me and I smile. “You’ve been my best friend since ninth grade and we’ve been through so much together.” “Sweetie, don’t do this.” “I have to,” I tell her. “We have to talk about this.” She nods and I continue. “I already told this to Serena and she’s going to be there if anything does happen to me. I need you to do the same. I need you to make sure Gillian knows right from wrong and that Tyler doesn’t lock her up until she’s thirty.” We laugh and she rolls her eyes. “You’re going to be the one my daughter turns to. She’s going to know true friendship and love because of you.” “I promise you, I’ll love Gillian and be there for her. But you’re not going anywhere and if you do, I’ll come up to heaven, kick your ass, and drag you down to Earth.” “I know you will.” I hug my best friend and my heart is full of love. I feel better knowing I’ll have people watching over my family if I don’t make it. Walking Mandy out, I go to the bedroom and see a sleeping Tyler on the bed with a book on his chest. Stepping out of the room, I go back to the nursery and pull out a drawer, looking inside at the letters and journals. Each one is addressed to Gillian, Tyler, Mandy and my parents. The journals are for Gillian. She’ll know our story and my love for her. The letters are for each moment I’ll miss if I’m not here. Preparing for the future is what I need to do. As strong as I am, I can’t fight with plans and nature. Pulling out one of the many letters I have for Tyler, I sit down and read it. Tyler, You are the love of my life. Forever my heart will beat for you. I know it’s going to be hard for you and you’ll be so angry and scared. Please don’t be. You have to be strong for Gillian and be sure to be there for her. You’re her world now. As hard as it will be one day, you’re going to move on and find a woman who’ll love you and our daughter. She’s going to be beautiful, strong, with a big heart and she’s going to bring you back to life. You’re my forever and that’ll never change. Only I’m not your forever. Someone will take that spot and I know everything will work out in the end. Raising Gillian is going to be hard. Remember you are strong and it’s okay not to have all the answers. Mandy and Serena will be there to handle the rough parts like her period, boys and broken hearts. Now, you cannot lock her up until she’s thirty, and please for the love of goodness, don’t make her into a tomboy or tell her boys have cooties. Remember, we fell in love at a young age. Making mistakes is part of life and part of being a parent. Don’t get frustrated and think you’re not

a good dad. You are going to be wonderful. I’m going to miss you so much. Don’t worry because I’m still going to be here, watching you and our daughter, laughing and crying at the moments that’ll stay in our hearts. Whenever you see the sunrise or the sun setting, that’s me telling you I love you and I miss you. When you feel the breeze, that’s me running my fingers through your hair. I love you Tyler. Forever. Bayleigh Putting the letter away, I shut the drawer, look around, and head into the bedroom. Sliding under the covers, I hold Tyler and kiss him goodnight. “I love you,” I tell him and close my eyes. Pain hits me and I gasp in agony. It feels like something is ripping my insides out. Something’s wrong.



Gillian I DON’T KNOW where I am right now. There are lights around me and strange people walking in and out of the room. It’s hard to figure out what’s going on and I’m not sure what I should do. Closing my eyes and opening them again, I see a man watching me. He looks sad and really nice. The beeping noise is loud and people keep checking over me. I can’t hear what anyone’s saying. Everything’s confusing and for some reason, I feel okay I think. There’s another man standing next to me and he’s smiling. There are so many thoughts going through my head right now. I think something’s wrong because the strange people are running around and the other man is crying. “Gillian, keep fighting,” I hear someone saying. I guess my name is Gillian. “Right now you’re so tiny and your daddy needs you to be strong.” I open my mouth, but instead of words coming out, I cry. And I cry loud. The man cries harder and places his hands on the glass. He’s yelling for someone to come help I think. “Everything’s going to be okay,” I hear the other nice man saying. “You’re going to be strong and healthy. I’ll be here whenever you feel sad, okay?” I stop crying and close my eyes. I think the nice man is helping me because the beeping slows down and people are slowing down too. There’s a nice woman touching the man’s shoulder. Wait, where’s the nice man? The woman and crying man are talking and she’s hugging him. She’s crying too. Gosh, people are funny. I remember being in a small space. It was comfortable and there was a pretty voice talking to me. The voice kept telling me she loved me and she was excited to see me. We took many naps together and there were many happy times. The voices get louder and I don’t remember really hearing the woman’s voice. I wonder where the pretty voice went. I think she’s my mommy. She kept me safe for a long time. She gave me a lot and I loved being inside her. Mommy? Mommy? Mommy, where are you? “It’s okay, Gillian. Mommy’s sleeping right now. She’ll be okay soon.” I see the nice man and smile. He’s making me feel safe. Okay, nice man. I’ll wait.



Tyler GILLIAN SURPRISED ALL of us and fought through everything. She’s going to be in the NICU for a few months until she’s at a safe weight. Her vitals are strong and the doctors are giving me hope that my baby girl is going to live a long life. There are no complications, just a low weight, and making sure her blood pressure or oxygen levels don’t fall. Between staying with her and visiting Bayleigh, my life is now at the hospital where I need to be. The two most important people in my life are fighting for their lives. They have to make it through. Looking at my baby girl in the incubator, I wish I could feel her tiny hand and hold her in my arms. Even though it’s terrifying to see someone as tiny as her, I still want to hold her. Leaning back in the chair, I go back to the day Gillian was born. April 17, 2016. Watching her in the incubator with wires all over her. She’s so small and I’m not sure what to think. The doctors tell me since she was born at thirty three weeks she needs to be here until it’s safe for her to come home. My baby girl is safe and she’s going to be okay. “Tyler?” I hear Mandy’s voice and I don’t turn around. My eyes are on Gillian. “We have to talk, honey.” “No.” “I know you want to be here. But, you have to understand what the doctor said about Bayleigh.” “She suffered a placental abruption and lost a lot of blood,” I cry. “She told me she’d be okay. She promised me,” I mutter, still looking at Gillian. “My daughter is going to need her mom. I can’t do this alone, Mandy.” Feeling her arms around me, she pulls me in for a hug and I cry so hard I nearly lose it. “She can’t die. What’s going to happen?” “She won’t. She’s a fighter. Don’t worry. Keep your heart open and have faith she’s going to make it.” “I’m going to pray so hard and hope Ryan can hear me.” The next day while Carrie and my mom are in the NICU with Gillian, I head back to Bayleigh’s room. I need to be by her side in case she wakes up. Making it to the hospital room where she’s resting, I sit down and take her hand. The softness against my skin eases my mind. I watch her breathe, in and out, seeing her chest rise and fall. Looking at the monitors, then back at her, I lean forward and bring my lips to her hand. “It’s time to wake up, baby.” I whisper, and press my lips to her hand again. “If you don’t wake up then you’ll miss Gillian. She’s beautiful just like her mama.” I watch her breathe, and there’s still no sign she’s going to wake up. Numb with brokenness and pain

my heart is fighting for her life before my eyes, while my world is fighting to stay healthy. When did everything become unfair? “So, Gillian’s doing so well. She’s our miracle,” I smile. “But we need you,” I cry. “You promised you wouldn’t leave, so I need you to keep that promise. I can’t do this alone.” Telling her stories about Gillian and how healthy she is makes my heart beat faster. She’s missing all of these moments with our daughter and I’m so afraid she’ll never wake up and feel our daughter in her arms. “Please wake up. I need you. We need you.” The room is quiet, like always, and I lean back in the chair, still holding her hand, and watching her. My love for her is so strong. The doctors and nurses are keeping a smile on their face. They’re staying positive and lifting my spirits. Arms wrap around me and I hang my head low. Feeling her arms get tighter, and a kiss on top of my head, I let out a groan and close my eyes. “It’s going to be okay.” Her voice is bright, and what I need to hear. “She’s a fighter, Ty. Always has been. She’s fighting to see her daughter, and to spend forever with you.” I feel a hand squeeze my shoulder. “We’re here for you, man. No worries. Whatever you need let us know.” I nod in silence and feel the love in the room. I’m trying to keep my heart beating, strong enough for her and me, but honestly, I don’t know how I’m feeling. I’m not sure if everything will be okay. It’s hard to have faith when the world loves to shit on your life. Bayleigh and Gillian don’t deserve this. They are good people. Hell, my daughter hasn’t had a chance, and Bayleigh hasn’t had a chance to be a mom. I stay in the hospital room for the rest of the night before going down to see Gillian and read her a bed time story. Needing to go down to the chapel the next morning I get down on my knees and pray. I pray for my daughter, and wife. I pray that Ryan is working his magic in Heaven. “Dear God,” I whisper, holding back my tears. “Please don’t take my girls from me. Please let them live. I’ll do anything to keep them here,” I beg, and hope He’s hearing me. I want to believe in the power of prayer. Only when I close my eyes I hear her screaming and clenching her stomach. I see the blood on our bed, and my hands. The ambulance comes to get her, and the paramedics work so fast. I’m screaming for Bayleigh to fight, and when I see her eyes close something inside me breaks. I’m scared my prayers won’t be strong enough. “Please Ryan. Do whatever you can to keep them here.” I sit in the chapel for a few more minutes before going to see Gillian. Walking into the room I see a nurse look up and smile at me. “Hi Tyler,” she says. “Gillian’s doing so well. She’s a fighter, your little girl.” I smile back. “Thank you.” I stare at my daughter and wait for Brenda to leave before pulling the chair over to the incubator and pressing my lips on the glass. “Hi sweet girl.” My voice cracks and I shake my head to keep my voice strong. “Daddy’s here. Your mama’s still sleeping,” I pause and clear my throat. “We have to pray together and make sure she wakes up and comes back to us and I have to pray hard for both my girls.” The moments pass and I watch her in the incubator. She’s beautiful, but so tiny right now. Thinking about Gillian, I smile. She’s part of me and Bayleigh, mixed together, into this beautiful baby who keeps beating the odds. A rush of joy and happiness hits me. I love my daughter. When Carrie and Mandy come down to see Gillian I head back up to Bayleigh and see Seth reading her a book. “It’s her favorite,” he says, and passes me the book. I look at the cover and smile. This is her favorite. She’s read it several times and I know it’s the book that always makes her happy. “The Notebook,” I mutter. Taking the book from Seth, he pats my shoulder, and leaves the room.

Sitting down on the chair I pick up from where he left off and read a few chapters before stopping and looking at her. “So, I was thinking about something,” I tell Bayleigh. “When you and Gillian are home, I promise we’re going to travel. We’ll take her to Florida and everywhere we went. We’ll travel to Colorado and spend time there. I’m going to take time off work and share every moment possible with you and our daughter. We’re going to see the world and show her what it’s like to live.” I smile thinking about the future. We’re parents now and as parents, we have to make sure she’s safe. Being parents means loving your child unconditionally and doing everything possible to make sure they’re safe while they learn about the world. We’ll show her the beauty around us and give her life lessons. I’m sure we’ll mess up and question our decisions. Team Scott will be strong. I know this. “I’m going to head back to our daughter. I’ll be back, baby.” I get up and lean down, kissing her forehead and hold the kiss for a few moments until I lift my head and walk out of the room. Asking my mom and Carrie to go to back to Bayleigh’s room in case she wakes up, they leave after hugging me and it’s just me and Gillian in the room. “Hi, baby girl. Daddy’s back.” She looks up at me. Her eyes are beautiful and remind me of her mom’s. “Do you know how special you are to me? I love you so much and I’m going to admit that I’m scared out of my mind.” She bounces and her little arms are in the air. “Yeah, I’m glad you’re cheering for me.” Sitting down in the rocking chair, I tell her the story about how I met Bayleigh and she stares at me. It’s hard to describe the moment when your daughter looks at you and you see your world in front of you. It’s a sudden rush of love and joy, mixed with fear and uncertainty. Putting my hand through the hole in the incubator, I feel her hand in mine. She’s so small. “I love you Gillian. So much.” “Tyler.” I look and see Craig coming into the room. He looks at Gillian and cries. “I can’t keep up and pretend I’m okay,” he tells me. “I get it, sir.” “The doctors are saying the same thing. There’s been no change.” I put my head down and sit in the rocking chair. It’s the same thing for the past few weeks. No one can tell us anything good. “They’re monitoring her and besides her not waking up, she seems fine.” I nod my head and at least there’s something to be thankful for. The damage is unclear and everything happened so fast I can’t explain what happened. “We have to keep the faith and be strong for both of our girls.” I nod my head in agreement. “Everything’s going to be okay,” I reassure him and myself.



Tyler SITTING IN THE room with Gillian, I’m on to the story about high school and senior year. She’s smiling, I think, and listening to everything I’m telling her. A nurse comes in smiling and tells me the greatest news. “I can hold her? What if I break her? Will you be here? Should I get my mom?” “Tyler,” she laughs and does her thing with Gillian. My eyes stay on her and I wonder if she’ll hurt my daughter. Then I think she’s a nurse and knows what she’s doing. Jackie’s our morning and afternoon nurse. I’ve gotten to know the fifty-year-old woman with bright brown eyes and short hair. She’s a sweet woman and tells me stories about her grandson. She thinks they should meet for a playdate and I tell her not for another thirty years. “Are you ready to hold your daughter?” “I think so.” As soon as Jackie places Gillian in my arms, my whole world stops and everything is clearer. Clarity. Everything makes sense and my reason for being here is solidified. Love fills my chest as Jackie moves to the side and gives me space with my daughter. The way she’s looking at me and feels in my arms is something I don’t ever want to go away. Slowly sitting down in the chair, I press my lips softly to her forehead. “Hi baby girl. You’re so strong and beautiful.” I look at her and smile. “The world is in my arms. My world is you. You mean so much to me and I hope you know how much I love you.” Her hands touch my nose and I hold her close. I never want to be far from her ever again. Feeling like a hero, a father, is full of pride and joy. Bayleigh and I made our beautiful daughter. She’s here because we’re supposed to grow old together and experience forever. Supporting her head like Jackie showed me on the doll we used, I bring my arms lower and get comfortable, making sure everything is okay. I look up and Jackie nods her head. Everything is so small. Her hands, her face, her body, and even her toes. Sadness also rushes over me. “Don’t you worry. Mommy is going to wake up soon and she’s going to see you. You’re going to hear her pretty voice and feel her loving arms. Do you know how pretty your room is? We decorated it with love and lots of pink,” I laugh and slowly rock. “Mommy has pretty dresses for you and I think you have a pair of baby boots. Only the best for our baby girl. You’ll never know anything, but love. Now if you make a mistake, we’ll talk about it and if we make a mistake, then both your grandmas and your grandpa will probably yell at us.” I bring Gillian closer to my chest and stare into her eyes. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around how small she is and that I’m a dad. It’s the most surreal feeling. “You know what, baby girl? When mommy wakes up, she’s going to hold onto you forever. You were in her tummy and then came into the world. Even though she hasn’t seen you yet or held you, doesn’t mean she’s not excited.” I cry and use my shoulder to wipe the tears. “She’s sleeping right now and we have to

be patient. For now, it’s you and me, baby girl.” She scrunches her nose and her lips slightly part. Lifting her up higher, her hands touch my face. In a way, I think she’s telling me it’ll be okay. Softly singing a lullaby, her eyes slowly close and I’m rocking my daughter to sleep. Nothing else matters in this moment except this bond I’m forming with her. This type of bond doesn’t go away. It’s forever-just like Bayleigh and I. There’s a knock on the door and my mom and Mandy come in. They smile at the sight of Gillian sleeping and I shake my head, hoping they know not to make any noise. “Oh honey,” my mom whispers. “She’s so beautiful. You did good, son.” “Thanks.” “Ty, we got an outfit for her and some things from the house.” Mandy looks at my mom, then back at me. “Why don’t you take this and we’ll stay with Gillian for a little bit.” Before I can argue, Mandy urges me to take the envelope and tells me it’ll be okay. “Go to her, Tyler. You haven’t seen her in a few hours.” “I don’t want to leave her. What if something happens?” I look at Jackie and she smiles. “I really don’t want to lose her.” “You won’t.” My mom tells me. “You have a little warrior in your arms. She’s the exception to every medical reasoning out there. She’s made it this far and she’ll be perfectly fine. Your love keeps her strong, just like your love for Bayleigh.” I swallow the emotions building in my chest and close my eyes. The thought of losing my girls guts me. “Okay,” I give in and hand Gillian to my mom. “Please be careful. I’ll be back.” Taking the envelope, I make my way to the ICU where Bayleigh’s resting. I refuse to believe she’s in a coma. No. Her eyes are closed and she’s taking a nap. That’s all. Damon, Seth and Craig look at me and smile. They pat my shoulder and walk out of the room, giving me time alone with Bayleigh. Sitting down, I take her hand and kiss it. “Hi beautiful. So, you’re going to be proud of me. I held Gillian and rocked her to sleep. I think she likes my voice because when I started singing, she closed her eyes. I’m a natural,” I laugh. “She’s waiting for you to wake up so whenever you’re ready, please do that. It’s been a few weeks and we’re ready for you to be with us again.” I look at the envelope in my hands and sigh. “You wrote me a letter. I don’t want to read it because I know it’s a goodbye letter. The thing is Bayleigh, you can’t say goodbye. We need you okay?” Fighting the urge, I give in and open the letter. Unfolding the paper, I see the words and let the tears freely fall down. Forever love. A forever love means you can’t live without that person. When you close your eyes, the image you see is the two of you holding hands, sitting on the porch, and watching your grandchildren playing in the yard. You look over, smile, and whisper “we’ve lived a good life.” You are my forever love, Tyler. I know you’re upset right now and I’m so sorry. If you’re reading this letter, then I’m in heaven. I’m watching over my two favorite people; my two hearts. You and Gillian mean the world to me and I’m sorry I had to go. The thing about life is sometimes it’s not fair. Right now you’re heartbroken and I get it. So am I. You have to be strong though. Please don’t break or go into the dark. You need to fight because this is the most important fight of your life. I’ve left letters and a journal behind. Please read each one on the days marked, and read the journal to our daughter. There are letters for our daughter for the big moments of her life. Give her the letters and remind her how much I love her. Don’t let her think I left because I wanted to.

I want to thank you for giving me the best life. You’re my best friend, my lover, my forever love and the father of my daughter. You are everything to me. Life makes sense when we’re together. There’s no math or logic when it comes to us. When I’m in your arms, I feel so safe and the world makes sense. Everything with you makes sense. I know I’m not with you, but in so many ways I am. We created Gillian Nicole together. She has a piece of me and a piece of you. Our little miracle is going to love you so much. The way I love you. If you could see what I see, then you know it’ll be okay. You’re the strongest man I know, Tyler. I never want you to forget that. The moments we lived are the moments I’ll forever hold. Those are the moments that made us feel alive. Those moments made us . . . Us. When you take her home, show her the world. Show her the places we went to and fell in love. Remind her every day how much you love her and need her. Be strong for her because she’s going to need you. Love Gillian like you love me. Don’t blame her or hold resentment. You have so many people who’ll be with you. Now . . . All because I’m gone doesn’t mean you should be alone. Our chapter is over. I know it’s hard to think, but it’s the truth. You gave me the best story ever. Our story is over, but will forever live on in our daughter. Promise me you’ll open your heart again. Don’t think about it now and don’t forget you deserve to be happy as well. Someone is going to come into your life and heal you. She’s going to love you and our daughter. And that’ll be perfectly fine. This is your chapter now with Gillian. Write it and live it. I love you so much. I love our daughter with my whole heart. Forever, Bay Leaning my head against her hand, I cry. She can’t leave and I refuse to believe she’s gone. A hand touches my shoulder and I look up to see Seth. He looks at me and then at her. “She’s going to be okay,” he tells me and grabs another chair to sit down. “Don’t stop believing or fighting for her.” “I know.” I hold her hand tighter. “She wrote me a letter. A goodbye letter. I won’t accept it.” “She wrote all of us letters,” Seth says, looking at Bayleigh and taking the letter from his pocket. The room grows quiet as Damon, Mandy and Serena come in. They take turns talking to Bayleigh, telling her about Gillian, and when she wakes up, they’re going to yell at her for the letters. “Sweetie, I know you can hear me so open those eyes and come back to us,” Mandy cries. “You told me you wouldn’t leave, so I’m holding you to that. Your mini you needs you.” “She’s so beautiful and soft,” I join in and tell her. “She looks up at me and I think she’s wondering where her mommy is, so come back to us. Come back and live this life with all of us.” “I need you, Bayleigh,” Damon says and stands behind Mandy. “Who else will keep my schedule organized?” He forces a laugh and wipes his tear. “Who else will keep us all in check?” “I’m not ready to watch over this knucklehead,” Serena coughs and shakes her head. After an hour, everyone leaves the room. Sitting next to her, holding her hand, and talking about the past, I lay my head on her hand and close my eyes, whispering for her to come back to me.



Tyler THE SUN BEAMS down on me. I feel light and good. Walking around the grassy area, I see a dark figure and close my eyes a few times before the figure comes into focus as someone I know. “Ryan,” I smile and meet him, bringing him in for a hug. “Man, I miss you.” “You too, big brother.” “What’s going on? Where are we?” Ryan smiles and I follow him to another room. It’s my house. My house with Bayleigh and things feel light and good. I hear laughing in the other room and follow the wonderful noises. Inside the living room, I see Bayleigh sitting on the floor with a little girl with bright ocean blue eyes and long blonde hair. She looks like she’s about four years old. “Mommy! Mommy! Tell me about daddy again. About how he’s your prince.” Bayleigh smiles and tugs the little girl down. “Gillian, you already know the story.” “I want to hear it again, Mommy.” Gillian. “What does this mean?” I whisper to Ryan. He looks at me and the answer I’m waiting for is in his eyes. “She’s going to be okay?” Ryan nods and we walk outside to the deck, sitting down, feeling the sun again. “I know you’re in a lot of pain right now, but you need to let that go. I came back and found peace.” “But,” I try to answer, shaking my head and rubbing my hands on my thighs. “I did and said a lot of shitty things to you, man. I missed out on two years and can’t imagine the pain you were in.” “That’s the thing. Even though I was in pain, I knew I wasn’t alone because I had everyone back home. I needed to sort through my demons before I could ever show my face. I’m not mad at you, Tyler.” I hang my head and listen to him talk. Hearing him tell me about his demons and forgiving me is a lot to take in. “Right now, like I said, I know you’re hurting, but there’s no reason to be. You have a beautiful little girl who loves you and needs you to be strong. Bayleigh,” he talks. “She needs you to be strong, too.” Hearing her name is hurting my chest. Even though I saw the scene before my eyes a few minutes ago, I can’t help to wonder if it’s real. “She’s going to be okay.” “How do you know?” I roar, fisting my hands on my thighs. “Man,” he laughs. “I’m dead and I know all.” “It’s hard to think about that. She’s been in a coma for so long and everyone is telling me to be strong, but fuck I can’t. Do you know when I held Gillian in my arms, I nearly choked on the pain in my chest? Thoughts went through my head and I kept thinking about if she dies and I have to raise our daughter on my own. If that happens, how will I ever love my daughter?”

“Well, it’s not going to happen. She’s going to make it through and the love of Gillian will make her stronger. Just like the love you have for her. Love is a powerful emotion and can create miracles. Man, look at me. The love I have for Bayleigh kept me alive a little longer than I should have been. Don’t you see how powerful our hearts are?” I nod and don’t respond. We sit in silence and watch the clouds move through the sky and the sun slowly going down to rest. “Will you always be around?” “Yes,” he answers and looks at me. “I’m here, big brother, and trust me when I tell you everything is going to be okay.”



Tyler BRUSHING HER HAIR from her eyes, I sit down and look over to see everyone in the room watching her. It’s been a few days since I had the dream. My spirits are lifting and I believe my brother. I know she’s going to be okay. Leaning down, I kiss her forehead. “Wake up, beautiful girl.” She doesn’t flutter, but the machines make noises and I look up to see what the fuss is all about. The lines on the machine jump up and down and something inside me bursts. “You can do this, Bay.” “Gillian,” she whispers weakly. “My daughter. Where’s my daughter?” Craig springs out of the room to find a doctor and everyone else comes over and surrounds the bed. “Ty,” she whispers again. “Ty.” “I’m here.” I hold her hand and bring it to my lips. “Open those eyes, baby.” Holding her hand, I see a small smile on her face. “How’s Gillian?” “She’s so perfect, baby. She’s waiting for you to wake up and hold her. I told her about you and how excited you are to see her. Perfection,” I kiss her hand. “I’m in trouble though, because she has me wrapped around her finger like you said.” “I want to hold our daughter,” her voice croaks. “I’m ready to live this life with you. Thank you for making me fight.” “No,” I kiss her lips. “Thank you for coming back to us.” She smiles and everyone rushes out to get a doctor and nurse as well. I stay close while everyone gets someone to help. Looking back at her, she’s opening and closing her eyes. My girl is back. I have the world in my hands and I’m never letting go. Never. The doctor and nurses make sure everything’s okay with Bayleigh. Her vitals are strong, but she’s still weak. Because of this she won’t be able to leave the room to see Gillian. When everyone leaves the room I sit down and hold her hand. “You did it, Bay.” “I did,” she whispers. “Tell me about Gillian.” “She’s small, but perfect. We made the perfect little girl. She looks like you. I tell her about you all the time and about us. I swear I know she’s not smiling, but it seems like she is.” “Probably. I told you she would know your voice. I’m glad you spent time with her.” “It was hard. I won’t lie, Bayleigh. You know,” I scoot in closer and rest my head against her hand. “I tried hard to pray and believe everything would be okay.” “I know.” There’s silence between us. “But I’m here now and that’s what matters.” “That’s true.” I laugh and shake my head. “I’m in so much trouble with her. My heart beats faster when I see her. When she looks at me I nearly fall to my knees. What if I make mistakes?” “We both are, but we’ll learn and it’ll be okay.” “She’s demanding.” We laugh and I see a smile on her face. “She’s going to be a spoiled little girl.”

“Oh she will be,” Bayleigh agrees. I cup her face and kiss her lips. “You need to see her.” “I know,” she sadly says and that’s all I need to get up and grab the doctor. Finding him I explain the importance of having Bayleigh see Gillian. He agrees and grabs a nurse so they can examine her. I wait in the hall and cross my arms against my chest. I can’t wait until she sees Gillian. One of the NICU nurses, Brenda, comes to see me. She’s smiling and I know it’s going to be good news. “Hey dad.” “Hey,” I smile. “So Gillian’s doing so well today and we think it’ll be okay for her to come up and see your wife.” “Yes! Please! Let’s do that now.” I eagerly grab Brenda’s hand and sprint to the NICU. She laughs, telling me to slow down, and all I can do is go faster until I’m with my baby girl. Walking into the room Mandy is there with Carrie and they’re smiling. They know the news and I’m glad we’ll be able to bring Gillian to Bayleigh. Making sure everything is all set, Brenda wheels our daughter to Bayleigh’s room. Doctor Wells walks out and smiles. “She’s waiting,” he says, and pats my shoulder. I head inside and look at Bayleigh. “What are you waiting for?” She asks. “I want to see her.” “What if,” I pause, and wait for her to squirm. It’s mean and she’ll kill me later. “I have a surprise.” “What?” Opening the door a little wider Brenda, Carrie and Mandy walk in with Gillian. I see Bayleigh’s eye go wide and tears streaming down her face. Brenda brings Gillian in her arms, while Carrie helps Bayleigh and adjusts her so she can hold our daughter. As I’m watching Bayleigh I see her eyes trained on our daughter. No one says anything. When Gillian’s in her arms I see the smile on her face and know this is just the beginning of our lives.



Bayleigh Three Months Later WATCHING OUR BABY girl getting her pictures taken is so cute. She’s smiling and being such a good girl. The camera loves her and she loves the camera. I think she got that from her Aunt Mandy. Tyler places his arm around my shoulders as we watch our baby girl smile and play in the tulle. Every month since leaving the hospital, we come get her pictures taken. The scrapbook is full of pictures and one day when she’s old enough, we’ll show her the life we’re giving her. Being home again after my stay in the hospital is a wonderful gift. I’m on leave from work and most likely it’ll be permanent. I want to stay home with Gillian and watch her grow. Missing the first few weeks of her life hurts me. It’s okay though, because I hold her every chance I have and rock her to sleep in the nursery. Finishing up in the photo studio, Tyler puts our little girl in her travel car seat and buckles her safely in our new SUV. Watching him with Gillian means so much to me. He’s the best dad and loves us so much. Placing a kiss on his back, I get in the car and we make the drive home. Gillian’s in the back babbling and I love the noises she makes. At first Tyler drove very slow and almost got a ticket. When the cop saw our bundle of joy, he laughed and said it never gets easier. I shook my head. I really wish the cop didn’t tell Tyler that. Everything is by the book and it’s driving me crazy. He’s overprotective, but sweet. That’s the thing about Tyler I love. He’s the type of father and husband I always knew he could be. Making it home in one piece, Tyler lifts her up and we walk inside. Mandy comes rushing out of the kitchen and extends her arms. “Okay, it’s my turn.” Tyler rolls his eyes and hands her over. “Oh hi, baby girl. Did you miss me? I missed you so much. Okay now, lesson number five hundred and ten: when you want something, you have to do everything in your power to get it. Never give up.” Mandy winks and I look at Tyler. He’s not liking these life lessons Mandy’s teaching her. “Calm down,” I whisper. “She’s turning our daughter into,” Mandy and I eye Tyler. “Well, come on. I don’t want Gillian to be that type of girl.” “Oh whatever,” Mandy laughs. “She’ll be fine.” Yes she will. “Mandy, be careful.” He orders and looks at me. “Back to bed.” Instead of arguing, I listen and head upstairs to our bedroom. Lying down, I look at the picture on the nightstand. It’s the three of us. My world. “Get rest,” he leans down and kisses my forehead. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Waking up from my nap, I head to the nursery and see Tyler sitting in the rocking chair with the letters in his hand. I don’t have to say anything because he knows I’m standing here with him. “I read some of the letters,” he tells me. “I won’t read them all. I know these are your words and I know you wrote these and I appreciate it.” “You don’t have to read the letters. At the time I wrote them I thought I wasn’t going to be here, and I’m sorry. Just wanted you to be prepared.” “I get that.” He gets up and walks to me, placing his hands on my hips, and softly kissing my lips. “I appreciate the letters. I do. But I’m going to burn them, along with the letters to Gillian. I’ll keep the journal telling the story of us. She should know how mommy and daddy fell in love and fought to stay in love.” “I like that idea. Let me check on Gillian and we can burn everything together.” He nods and I look at my beautiful baby girl. “Mommy loves you,” I whisper, and walk out of the nursery with Tyler. Placing the letters into the fire pit, Tyler lights a match and we hold each other, watching my words burn in flames. It’s a funeral for what I thought would be the end of my life. Only I’m here, where I’m supposed to be. “Have I told you how much I love you?” Tyler whispers. “You tell me over and over, every single day, how much you love me and Gillian. We love you too. Thank you for this life. Thank you for everything.” “No, baby. Thank you for giving me the most precious gifts.” “Gifts?” “Your love and our daughter.” I smile at his words and rest my head against his shoulder. This is the life we’re creating and everything’s perfect. Feeling his arms around me, feeling safe and whole, is everything I’m dreaming about. “Let me show you how much I love you.” He whisks me away and shows me more than once how much he loves me.



Tyler I STAND IN THE doorframe and watch Bayleigh with our daughter. She has the biggest smile on her face and I love seeing my girls together. I’m flying high and I’m never coming down from this feeling. They’re perfection. I don’t know what I did to get the best things in life. All I know is I’m thankful and I’m glad second, third and fourth chances are given. When Bayleigh’s sleeping, I take Gillian on a ride to see her Uncle Ryan. We visit his grave once a week and tell him stories about his niece. She loves being here. When we’re sitting down, in front of his tombstone, there’s an overwhelming peace and I can’t describe it. “Ready to see Uncle Ryan?” She giggles and I have to laugh. She makes the best noises and I never will get tired of hearing my daughter. Lifting her up from her car seat, I walk her to his grave and we sit down. “We’re back again, brother.” I tell him. “She’s getting so big. I bet you’re having fun up there with Dad. Thanks for watching over her, and thank you for making sure they stay here with me.” The wind breezes through and Gillian lifts her arms in the air, laughing and reaching for something. “You’re here, aren’t you?” I laugh. “So, things are going really well. Doctor Wells says Bayleigh is so strong and there’s nothing to worry about. Gillian’s perfect too. Honestly, it’s a miracle. She was out for so long and now there’s this energy about her that’s consuming. She’s living each day to her fullest, and we’re capturing every moment with Gillian.” There’s never a day that goes by Bayleigh isn’t cheerful. It’s strange because a lot of first time moms get stressed and have an emotional breakdown. Not Bayleigh. Since coming home, she’s always up with Gillian and doesn’t complain at all. In so many ways it scares me. I don’t want her to bottle her emotions and lose it one day. We stay with Ryan for a while longer before heading home. Walking in, we see Bayleigh sitting on the couch with the scrapbook. When she hears us come in, a bright smile is on her face, and we join her on the couch. “How was your visit with Ryan?” she asks, and holds Gillian. “Good. Everything’s good.” I clear my throat and look at her. “You’re handling being a new mom really well. Are you okay?” “Yes,” she smiles. “It’s weird. I’m not stressed out or tired. Tyler, this is my chance to truly live. Life is about cherishing the moments and not living in a state of anger or stress. I know it’s weird and hard to understand. My mom and your mom thought the same thing. I don’t want to be mad or upset. I want to always be happy because that’s what our daughter deserves.” Everything she’s saying makes sense. I should have known. I watch my girls laughing and smiling. This is how life should be. Perfect.



Gillian Thirty years later “BABE, DO YOU have everything?” I look at my husband, Christian, and our twins, Vienna and Dean, sitting with flowers in their hands. It’s my parents’ anniversary and we’re celebrating with our families today. Growing up as an only child gave me the chance to be close to my parents. Every day I watched my dad cherish my mom. They taught me how to love and accept love. So when my Godmother, Mandy, and her husband, Damon, had Christian, they raised the both of us together. We had play dates and when we were twelve, we fell in love. All these years with the love of my life and there’s not a day that goes by I don’t cherish him and our children. “Mommy,” Vienna calls for me. “Yes, baby.” “Are we almost there?” I smile and nod. “Good. Grandpa misses us and he’s mad you took us to Florida for two weeks.” “Is that so?” Vienna nods. “Grandpa says you’re mean,” Dean smiles and holds the flowers high in the air. “Do you think Grandma and Grandpa are going to like these flowers?” “Yes, I do. They’re going to love the flowers and the card you made them.” “Yay!” They raise their little arms and Christian laughs. “My mom texted me and I guess your mom is raising hell because we’re not there yet.” I roll my eyes and smile. My parents love their grandchildren so much. Honestly, we’re lucky to have a loving and supportive family. When we make it to their house, the kids jump out of the car and run to the backyard. Christian and I follow and greet our parents and friends. “You finally made it!” My mom rushes over and hugs me. “Never take my babies away for two weeks again,” she whispers, and hugs me tighter. “Did you have a good time?” “Yeah it was great, Mom.” “Good.” She looks at Christian while he talks to Mandy and Damon. My dad joins us with Vienna in his arms. “So, why does my little princess tell me you’re not letting her get a dog? We got you one when you were four.” “Dad,” I roll my eyes. “Do you know how busy we are? Between preschool and getting them to cheerleading and football, things are a little hard.” I laugh and look at Christian for help. He raises his

hands in defeat. Getting into a power struggle with my dad is never a good thing. “Princess, do you want a dog?” “Yes grandpa! Can we get one soon?” “Dad!” He ignores me and yells for Dean, and asks him the same thing. I cannot believe my dad right now. “Fine, you can get them a dog, but it has to be a small dog and you have to watch the dog too when the kids are with you.” “That’s fine,” he smiles. “Anything for the babies, right sweetheart?” My mom agrees and we join everyone by the grill. Mandy hands me a glass of wine and asks how things are going. “Really good.” I tell her about the company and how quarter three ended. Three years ago, Damon, Seth, Andy and my dad stepped down and let their kids take over the company. Andy’s daughter, Justine, handles things in London while we handle things over here. Seth and Serena have a son, Jeff, and he’s working with us too. I hate going into work, but this is what I love to do. We’re expanding and soon I’ll be stepping down. I touch my stomach and smile. Mandy catches me. “Gillian?” She smirks. “Do your parents know?” “Nope. Can you cover for me? I’ll be back.” Mandy nods and I get the keys from Christian and drive to see my Uncle Ryan. Making it to the cemetery, I grab the flowers from the passenger seat and make my way to his grave. Growing up, I heard stories about him and how he fell in love with my mom, but passed away at an early age. He fought his tumor alone before coming home and helping my mom get on with her life. “Hey Uncle Ryan,” I say and place the flowers on his grave. “So, I’m pregnant again. No one knows yet. Well, Mandy caught on, but there’s no surprise. I know my parents are going to love the idea of another grandchild.” I brush the leaves off his grave and feel the words on his tombstone. “Thank you for being by my side through all the bad times.” Whenever I felt sad or alone, besides having my parents, I felt something I could never explain and when I told my mom about it, she told me it was Ryan watching over me. That reminds me of a dream that I had a very long time ago. At least, I thought it was a dream, but as I feel that same sensation again, I know it deep down in my bones. “It was you,” I whisper in awe. I don’t know why I never connected the dots before, but I am so sure now. I laugh a little to myself. The man with the nice face that helped me get back to my family was Ryan. “It was always you. Thank you for saving me.” I look down at my barely there bump and smile because I now know just how lucky I am to have Ryan as my guardian angel. I sit down and continue to tell him about our lives and catch him up to speed. “My parents are doing really well. They’re so in love and they adore us.” I tell him about our trip to Florida and what’s going on with the company. “We’re heading to Colorado to see everyone.” My grandparents are getting older and they want to see their great-grandchildren too. I look over and see my grandmother, Moira’s grave. She passed away last year, and even though it was sad, she was ready to go and join my grandfather in heaven with Ryan. “I miss you and love you.” Kissing his tombstone, I head back to the party and see my parents sitting on the porch swing, holding hands, and watching Vienna and Dean running around in the yard. When I get closer, I hear my dad talking to my mom. “We’ve lived a good life.” “Yes we have, Tyler,” she smiles and kisses his cheek. “Our lives are perfect. It’s our forever love.” The even rhythm of our lives makes it all worth it. Even though there are moments of troubling times, or frustration, happiness and love always wins out. Sometimes our lives are thrown offbeat, but eventually everything returns to normal.

I feel Christian’s arms wrap around my waist as he kisses my cheek and neck. “How are you doing?” “Good. Perfect.” I lean into him and watch our children. “Everything’s perfect.”

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Acknowledgements I’ve written so many acknowledgements and every time I try to write something different. This is my way of letting you know how much you mean to me and how thankful I am for each and every one of you. Thank you to the Indie community for making writing fun. Through the ups and downs we experience I love how close we are. We’re a family of people who love to share their words with the world and follow their dreams. Everyone is talented and brings something different and unique to the community. Thank you to my COPA ladies. You ladies are beyond sweet and wonderful. I love our group and being able to talk to you on a daily basis. Thank you to my amazing team for helping me with plotting, writing, editing, designing, and creating captivating teasers for my book! Stefanie, Kaylee, Stephanie, Tonya, Kellie, Jessica, Dana, Allan, Gunnar, Cassy and Carol. Thank you so much for putting up with my madness and giving me feedback. I love you all! Thank you to my PA, Lexi, for constantly keeping me on my toes and always going above and beyond to help me. I don’t know where I’d be without you. Thank you to Sandi and Kaylee for being there while I got through all the humps with writing this book. I love you ladies hard! Thank you to PR company, Eye Candy Bookstore, thank you your hard work and dedication. Thank you to Give Me Books, thank you for hosting my release day blitz and all the hard work you put in. Thank you to the bloggers for sharing my work and reading! I say this all the time, but without your dedication to authors and your hard work it’ll be hard to be successful. You’re spreading news about books and giving authors, like myself, a chance to shine. I will never be able to express my love! Thank you to my sassy babes, you ladies rock! I love our little group and I enjoy reading your comments and posts. Thank you for your never ending support and love. Thank you to my family and friends. This writing journey wouldn’t happen if it weren’t for your push and love. I’m so thankful to have a support team like you and knowing that if I fall everyone will be there to catch me and pick me back up. Finally to my husband. Kevin there are so many things I can say. We’ve been through hell and back, from doubt to anger to tears, and now we’re finding our even rhythm again. You are my forever love. Thank you for inspiring this story and holding my hand through the whole process. I love you. Forever and ever, and beyond forever.

About the Author S. Moose is a New York Times and USA Today Bestselling author, living in Webster, NY with her family, friends, and shorkie, Charlie. A 2011 St. John Fisher graduate, S.Moose loves to read and write. She enjoys getting lost in the fictional world and creating a place where readers can fall in love and swoon over the cute boys she brings to life. When she isn’t in her room in front of her computer or a book, she is with her family and friends being silly and enjoying life. She’s romantic at heart and loves anything with a happily ever after.

S. Moose loves connecting with her readers! Be sure to visit her at: Web: smoosewrites.blogspot.com Email: [email protected] Facebook: www.facebook.com/S.Mooseauthor Twitter: @S_Moose060912 (http://www.twitter.com/S_Moose060912) Instagram: instagram.com/s_moose0609