Falling In Between - Devon Ashley

Copyright © 2012 Devon Ashley All rights reserved. No part of this book m ay be reproduced or transm itted in any form or by any m eans, electronic or m echanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any inform ation storage and retrieval system , without written perm ission from the author. This is a work of fiction. Any sim ilarities within are purely coincidental. Fonts used in this novel (Pea Ninh, Pea Faith, Pea The Bees In Love Doodles and A Little Pot) courtesy of kevinandam anda.com .

First Published February 2012 ISBN-13: 9781466388901 ISBN 10: 1466388900 Visit http://devonashleywrites.blogspot.com

My wet skin shivered as I cowered atop the cliff, even though the wind was as still as my breath. What was worse, I couldn’t stop my head from bobbing side to side as Sophie hummed that stupid Jeopardy tune. I felt silly being in lace lingerie instead of a bikini, but we weren’t planning on swimming when we trekked through the woods tonight. We were gonna accidentally run into Robert and Jhett at the river spot they always hung out at, but the closer we got the more I freaked out about getting Robert alone. O h why did I let Sophie talk me into coming to the hidden pond first? She probably thought the detour would give me time to calm my nerves. But stupid me, I let her dare me into jumping off the freakin’ cliff as soon as we stripped. And as much as I wanted to talk to Robert, I secretly hoped she’d let me chicken out once I looked like a drowned rat. The humming stopped, and the sweet sound of Sophie’s voice was smooth as it taunted me through song now. “Oh, Ja-hen-na!” Crap, crap, crap…

I forced myself to peek over the rocky edge and look down – way down. There she floated effortlessly in the midnight blue pond, weak ripples flowing away from her pale silhouette, playfully squirting water towards me with the squeeze of her fist. Sophie’s aim was dead on. Had I not been thirty feet above the surface of the water, she’d nail me easily. I’d welcome it gladly if it would temporarily blind me, cause me to stumble forward and complete the dare I had yet to fulfill. I had never been afraid of heights before. Of course, I had never tried to throw myself from one before either. And the lack of moonlight in combination with the creepy, placid water was freakin’ me out right now. Also, I’m pretty sure that squishy algae thing skimming the surface was The Blob and it was gonna jump out and devour me once I did my face-splat. I moaned as I diverted my eyes to the milky white stars above. This was the third time I’d braved the path up the cliffs tonight. And it seemed inevitable that this would be the third time I did the walk of shame back down the way I came. “Jenna Baker! If you don’t jump this instant I’m gonna grab your clothes and set them on fire! You know I will!”

Ha! Maybe I should remind her that the clothes came from her closet. Er, scratch that. Then she’ll have zero remorse for lighting them up. Sophie’s been a crazy friend and roommate, to say the least. I’m sure it was a little odd for her to room with someone like me. Like all the other rich kids at Pennington Academy outside Rutland, Vermont, she had everything at her disposal and an unlimited credit card to pick up what she lacked. And parents that actually called and emailed her every week to check up on her. Me? I barely had a penny to my name and absentee parents. Literally nonexistent. I was dropped off at a firehouse when I was only a few days old. All the babies born in the county were accounted for, so it was assumed my mother (and possibly my father) drove through Rutland to obliterate their parental rights. The only reason I could attend this swanky establishment was cause the academy sponsored a new student each year and provided them with a full scholarship. I didn’t care how many hoops of fire they made me jump through to get here, it was worth it to get out of those disgusting group homes. I even added a summer class every year just to avoid having to

spend summer vacation in one. Fall session of our senior year began not even a week ago and already Sophie had convinced me to try something stupid. I came to my senses twice already and walked back down the cliffs, only to have her put on the charm and convince me once again that this would be good for me. Oddly enough, I actually did wanna jump, so it wasn’t all Sophie’s fault that I was up here again. And at the moment I was more scared to talk to Robert than I was to jump off the cliff. So maybe I could end the night with at least one fear tackled... I sucked in a deep breath and edged my toes forward until they curled over the rock. My heart pulsed so hard I thought it would break through my ribs and burst through my body like that slimy alien did to that man in that movie. (Did’ja see that one? Grody, right? – So what if I’m stalling? What are you, the cliff-jumping moderator?) Okay, maybe one more deep breath. God, just jump Jenna! I winced my eyes tight and flung myself into the void before I could think anymore about it. The feeling was

exhilarating, prickly goose bumps and all, and I managed to brave a peek through the haze of my vibrating eyelashes. My heart gave one sharp pound, then froze when gravity took me. The wind whished and lifted me slightly as I fell closer to the glistening liquid below. The cliff and trees blurred, leaving nothing more than vertical streaks of muted tans, greens and blacks that resembled streaks of camouflage. Sophie’s cheer filled the air. I could sense the ‘finally’ in the long, drawn-out hoot. Surprisingly, I managed to point my toes and pass through the surface of the water cleanly. So smoothly that the slightest lift of my feet curved my body and sent me farther into the dark abyss like a missile. Water whooshed as it streaked alongside my body, eagerly parting the way for my descent. I did it! I finally did it! Elation filled my body and soul for that one split second. And then it happened. My feet scraped the bottom of the pond and fire burned on my skin. Debris and dirt swirled about as I skidded across the

floor bed, destroying what little clarity the moon’s glow offered underneath the silky surface. Weeds tangled around my legs and snagged my arms. I tried desperately to slow the impact by digging in with the palms of my hands, but all I did was give myself more rock burn. My legs were crumpled and forced upward as an immovable blockade refused to budge. A sharp pain dug into my back as I bobbed up and down across the boulder. The jolt knocked the wind out of me and air escaped from my lungs. A cool gush of foul tasting water filled my mouth and trickled down my throat, causing my chest to spasm. My head snapped back as the last of my body shot past the boulder. I felt a surge of sharp pains shoot out from the back of my skull, then a soothing numbness. A heavy daze overcame my head and traveled down my arms and legs. The only thing that seemed to be reacting at all was my heart and it threw itself into hyperdrive. Thub-thump echoed through my stuffy head and pulsated down my limbs. I wanted to breathe, to move my legs and arms toward the surface, but nothing would obey the command. My chest blazed as my heart began to slow now. Thuuub-thummmp.

My body lay lifeless above the clay bottom, bobbing gently with the ripples caused by my wake. I shot so far from where I crashed that the water around me wasn’t as murky here. My still eyes were swallowed up by the turbid liquid, yet I could still hone in on that blurry sliver of moonlight trying to lead me to the surface. It struggled to overcome the shadows of the depth, to reach out and extend what help it could offer and show me the way to salvation. But it wasn’t enough. My body was heavy – unwilling to move to save my life. I was surprised at how good the release felt. Never had I known that stress ate away at my body until it began to dissolve in this moment – little tickles that skidded along the surface of my skin. But with this soothing release came excruciating pain. The lack of oxygen caused my lungs to heave so hard a rush of water gushed down my throat. I tried to gag but my body was beyond that now, even though the water splashing in my lungs left me with the most unnatural, uncomfortable feeling ever. The water around me darkened more, and it had nothing to do with the strength of the moonlight. Black…

Cool… Silent...

A soft rainbow mixture of pastels swirled and danced around me, like stars traveling the night sky. Bright, blinding pastels, yet they didn’t sting my eyes. No longer was I wet. Or numb. Or at the bottom of the pond. Or naked. Thank God. My jeans and camisole made a sudden reappearance. How did I get here? It must be a dream. No place like this actually existed. I must have dreamt jumping into the pond, and once the story played out, my mind sent me on to my next destination. But what was this place? I spun in circles but all I saw was the color of pearl

ivory, filled with streaks and hexagonal sparkles of even more pastel colors than I ever thought imaginable. It was so beautiful. There was a slight humming noise too. But it wasn’t annoying. In fact, there was something quite soothing about the vibrato resonating within my ears. And I felt this strange sensation within me. Like every cell inside my body was in harmony, swaying happily along with the hum that surrounded me. I felt… happy, and safe. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. The air was warm and scented slightly. Like sugar. It was sweet but just mild enough to tease my senses and put a smile on my face. Mmm… the scent made my entire body feel light as air, like every breath of air I breathed actually lessened the hold gravity had on me a little. It all felt so dreamy. And hazy. Like some drug I took was slowly starting to take effect. “Why aren’t you moving forward?” said the male voice coming from somewhere in the vastness. His tone seemed smooth, sweet, caring. I opened my eyes and turned in circles. He didn’t appear until the second twirl. He was taller than me by about six inches, had a nice lean build with some muscle

definition, soft hazel eyes, and adorable shaggy dirty blonde hair. Seriously adorable – I wanted to run my fingers through it. “Am I supposed to?” “I think so.” But he didn’t sound so sure either. “Do you see anything?” Still feeling a bit dazed, I shook my head slowly. “No.” He slowly walked circles around me, visually absorbing every sparkle of light that reflected before him. He swiped at one as it passed by and it dissipated into a million little pieces, all which maintained their sparkle as they continued every which way. “I’m Jenna.” He opened his mouth to answer, but his voice halted momentarily, and he rubbed the back of his head. “I think mine’s Chance.” He slowly rubbed his thumb across his fingertips, analyzing, and I wondered what kind of residue that sparkle left behind on his skin. “Maybe we’re looking at this wrong. Maybe the way out is up.”

My head tilted upwards like his, but the same pearly swirls filled the air there too. “Maybe it’s a riddle of sorts?” I suggested. “Maybe we can’t move forward unless we ask to?” He nodded his head in agreement but just stood there, looking around. “I kind of like it here though. It’s warm.” His face hardened and he seemed a bit confused. “Where were you before this?” “I can’t remember. Can you?” “I was swimming with my friend.” I suddenly felt moist. Tiny beads of water began to squeeze out of my pores. I shivered and flicked the water off my skin in a sweeping motion. Chance reached out to offer his hand. “Well? Shall we try your idea and ask to move forward?” A lopsided grin slowly formed across his face and I couldn’t help but smile back. Something about the warmth of his smile, the deepness of his dimple and the softness of his green and gold speckled eyes

made me feel so at ease. I entwined my fingers with his and allowed my arm to wrap partially around his. “You’re wet.” “Yeah, I’ve noticed.” I tried to wipe the water from my arm in such a way that kept him dry, but the beads of water were increasing to the point of flowing steady streams. Still, Chance didn’t let go, and he lifted our hands to keep them dry. A sharp pain jabbed my ribcage and I doubled over in pain, crying out and throwing my free hand to my chest. “What?!” There was urgency in his voice as he bent down to grasp the side of my face. I heaved, and a series of sharp jolts rhythmically came every second. Tears drowned my eyes and gushed down my face as fast as the water beads were streaming down my body. “Jenna?! What is it?” I couldn’t answer. The moment I was able to draw in a quick breath, an unforeseen force drove it back out again. And something else was happening too – something weird. I felt a

pull within my body. Like gravity trying to suck me downward. It started out weak but was growing in intensity. Invisible tendrils reached out and twisted around my legs like a crawling ivy winding its way up a tree. They constricted around my legs and tugged downward. My body jolted as I tried to fight the movement. Chance felt the jerk too, and threw his second hand around mine to secure his grip. “Jenna?!” His voice was so desperate as he tried to pull against my invisible assailant. My chest constricted, and all I could release was a weak, “Chance?” The invisible tendrils yanked harder than ever and we were ripped down through the makeshift ground and streamlined through the air. Streaks of pastels whipped past us and the water on my skin flew across my body, down my arm and into my hand. Our fingers began to slip and I threw my other hand into the jumble. Our fingers went into a frenzy, trying desperately to stay connected.

But he was slipping, and the invisible pull refused to relent. Our eyes locked and I saw the panic in his eyes as our fingers finally slipped and he fell from my sight. A moment later I heard a soft cry from deep within the vastness – my name.

Fire roared from my chest and licked my throat. Air was forced through my mouth but it did nothing to cool the flame. What it did do was bubble up in my lungs and cause a surge of liquid to rush upwards. My upper body spasmed and water caught in my throat, the muscle lining raw and scratched like a wild animal had torn at it. Hands pressed into my aching ribs and twisted me sideways so I could expel the water from my lungs. Heave. Choke. Heave. Choke. I heard sighs of relief and the faintest ‘damn it Jenna’ escape Sophie’s mouth. I could still feel droplets attached to the

membranes of my lungs and throat, but coughing and clearing my throat seemed to dislodge the stubborn water molecules – painfully so. I hadn’t opened my eyes yet, so I was surprised when I heard Robert by my side. “Jenna?” he asked softly. Like he didn’t really trust that I was there. I pried my eyelids apart, blinking and tearing to wash away the dirty water that still coated and blurred my vision. Robert was there, and his friend Jhett. I wanted to answer him, to tell him I was okay, but a haze suffocated my head. I suddenly became aware of a monstrous throbbing in the back of my head, and the length of my back burned, along with the heels of my palms. My eyelids became heavy and I struggled to blunder two little words before I passed out. “My. Head.”

I awoke to rhythmic beeping. Something burned when I twitched my nose and it

wasn’t the strong stench of disinfectants that I was breathing in. I slowly reached up to learn what it was but my hand was grasped before it got there. “Jenna?” Sophie. I could sense relief in her voice and wondered how much time had passed since I hit my head. My head! It didn’t hurt anymore! And my back and palms weren’t burning, though something was snagging the hairs on the skin of my back. Tape, maybe, if they used it to secure the padding on my back. I could tell my scuffed up palms were wrapped with something too. My head was still a little groggy though. I opened my eyes and saw her sitting beside me, her face just inches from mine, her breath gently warming my cheek. She crossed the sapphires she had for blue eyes and stuck her tongue out at me. I smiled and tried to push her away with the hand she had a death grip on. “Don’t.” I said. “Don’t make me laugh. I think it’ll hurt.” Her eyes uncrossed and her tongue retreated, and I was

left with a saddened face that was even worse. “I’m sorry,” Sophie whispered. “I never should’ve bullied you into doing that.” “You didn’t push me, Soph. I did the jumping.” “Yeah,” she murmured, but I knew she didn’t believe it, or forgive herself. I think she just didn’t want me to argue with her about it right now. After a moment of silence, she added, “Robert’s been here to see you. Hell, he’s practically lived here. Seriously, I had to pull the best friend card to get him out.” Maybe it was the fog that clouded my brain at the moment, but I just didn’t get it. “You’re in the ICU. They only allow one of us in here at a time.” “Oh.” Robert had been to see me? And stayed? It was a little weird. I had liked him for awhile but I honestly wasn’t sure if he felt anything in return. I got the occasional smile and we both caught the other looking every so often. But he’s never

even tried to talk to me on my own. There were always other people around in a group setting. I remembered I was gonna be brave that night. We were gonna go find Robert and Jhett after our dip in the pond. Sophie said the jump would be a good practice run. If I could find the courage to finally jump off the cliff, then finding the courage to talk to Robert would be a breeze. Stupid, I know. But it was allowing me to delay our plan and work up some more courage. We knew they were down by the river, like they were most school nights. And Sophie was gonna lure Jhett away for me. “I know you’ve got the hots for the guy, but seriously, you went a little overboard trying to get his attention.” “Ha ha.” I sighed deeply. “Great. I finally get to be alone with the guy and I was unconscious for all of it.” Sophie pressed her lips into a straight line, like she always did when she knew something I didn’t. Worst poker face ever. “What?” “Well,” she answered, hesitating, “Robert was the one

that gave you mouth-to-mouth, so technically, you guys had your first kiss and you weren’t even alive for it.” I chuckled weakly and asked, “Was it at least good?” “I believe he slipped you the tongue.” Sophie winked her left eye. “Lovely.” I tried to rub the grogginess from my tired eyes. “So long as my virginity is still intact.” “Iron-clad. Sauron and his army of Orcs couldn’t break through your defenses.” I rolled my eyes and allowed my hand to fall, snagging some type of plastic wire that was the cause of my nose burn. I pulled gently on it and tubing unplugged from my nose. “Aw, man! Robert saw me in this?” “He saw a lot more than that. You were in your undies when you performed the Jump of Doom. ‘Member?” A wave of embarrassment rushed through me and I was sure more than just my face flushed. Could this get any worse?

“Is there anything else you haven’t told me yet?” Sophie’s lips pursed again. I glared at her. “Soph?” Her eyes watched the ceiling intently while she confessed. “Well, Robert was the only one that knew the whole CPR thing, so he was the one that…” Sophie placed one hand on top of the other, laced her fingers together and moved her arms in a thrusting motion. Robert was the one that did the compressions to my chest. Great. “So, technically…” Sophie continued, “your little jump got your relationship with Robert to go from non-existent to rounding first base in seven seconds flat.” I couldn’t stop shaking my head. And now both hands were trying desperately to bury my face. “Good thing you wore the lace, right?” I groaned, moaned and cried all within five seconds. “I

did die. I’ve died and gone to my version of hell. An eternity of sexual humiliation.” “Oh, come on. It’s not that bad. Jhett and I were there. It’s not like the guy tried to fondle you or anything.” With quizzical eyes, she added, “But he has been rather attentive now that he’s seen the goods up close and personal.” A nurse came in and saved me from having to continue that humiliating conversation. She was pretty, even with her chestnut colored hair loosely thrown into some updo in the back of her head. The tag pinned to her navy blue scrubs said Michelle. She smiled as she said, “I see you’re finally awake. How do you feel?” “A little groggy, but no pain.” “That’s the morphine. Enjoy it while you can because when you get out of here, those gashes up your back are going to itch and ache for a week or so until they really begin to heal.” “And my head?” I couldn’t feel anything but I remembered the pain when it slammed against the boulder and

again when Robert revived me. “Mild concussion, but the doctor ran some scans and everything looks okay. Just a nasty bump. And now that you’re awake, you’ll be moved out of ICU. But you’ll still have to spend a few days in the hospital, just to make sure there aren’t any complications.” “Is that it? Nothing else?” “Well,” she said, eyeballing me while fidgeting with my saline pouch, “from what I got meeting that Headmistress of yours, she’ll probably give you the longest lecture of your life about teenage stupidity, so you might want to prepare yourself for something in that aspect.” Another groan escaped my throat. Sophie better be forced to attend that lecture as well.

Sophie stayed with me until they moved me out of ICU, but when I woke up after my nap, it was Robert that was kicked back in the chair, completely zombie-fied as he stared at the

television. His dark brown waves were tousled and there were bags under his chocolate eyes, and his hand lay gently on top of mine. He looked like he dragged himself out of bed without bothering to check the mirror on his way here. Made me feel grateful and less self-conscious about my own droopy appearance. “So I hear I have you to thank for the pain in my chest.” It took him a second to realize that the comment came from me and not the television. He dropped his legs from my bed railing and twisted the rolling chair towards me, refusing to release my hand in the process. “Hi,” he said, the ends of his lips slowly curling. “Hi.” Finally. A private conversation. And all I had to do was throw myself off a cliff, drown in a pond in my undies, and let him put his hands on my breasts to bring me back to life. Yay me…

“So did I really hurt you? Because I’ve never done that to a real person before. I wasn’t sure how much pressure to apply to get your heart going again.” “It’s okay. I’ll take a sore chest over death any day.” “Good. Because I would’ve broken every rib in your chest if that’s what it took to bring you back.” Aww…I didn’t know what to say to that. Did he really like me then? “Look, we’ve only got a few minutes before Sophie comes back from lunch. When you get back to the dorms and start feeling better, you want to catch a movie with me or something?” Uh, hell yeah! “Yeah, I suppose.” A soft smile grew on his face and he tightened his grip on my hand. “So what would you want to see? That new Rachel McAdams movie?” “She doesn’t want to see that lovey-dovey crap. What she really wants to see is that new zombie movie, though she’ll

never admit it.” Robert and I hadn’t bothered to break our eye contact when Sophie interrupted, but now that she had neared my bed, I could sense something strange about her in the corner of my eye. I shifted my eyes to her and my jaw immediately dropped. Embarrassed, my eyes darted back to Robert. So of course his eyes narrowed and turned to see the source of my panic. Sophie stood there all perky with her hands on her hips in a model-like stance, and a smile that showed way too many pearly whites…and a helium balloon that shouted It’s A Boy!!! “Nice balloon, Sophie,” he said, slightly amused. “What?” she asked, all innocently. “They were out of Get Well.” The hell they were. This little stunt was so Sophie. I knew exactly what that balloon meant – that I came into this hospital alone but I was gonna leave it with a boy wrapped in my arms. Sophie probably thinks he’s ready to suckle my breasts too. Luckily, Robert had no clue to the workings of our

inner monologues. I threw her a contemptuous glare before his head returned my way, but he caught part of it anyway. He quickly returned to Sophie and caught her sticking her tongue out at me. “Yeah, I’m going to go now.” He squeezed my hand tightly and stood up. “Let me know when you’re feeling better and ready for company, okay?” “You don’t have to go.” God that sounded kind of pathetic, and a little whiney. “It’s alright. I’ve got a swim practice to make up, and Sophie,” he glanced her way – she stood all innocent-like, “can clearly keep you entertained. I’ll see you later.” “Thanks for coming.” He lifted his hand in a ‘good-bye’ motion before he walked out the door. Once gone, I threw Sophie another disapproving glare. “I hate zombie movies. They creep me out.” “Which means you’ll spend the entire movie burying your head into his neck and his arm wrapped around you. Winwin.”

Two weeks later I was feeling pretty good. The numbing meds had run out but the throbbing in my head and down my back seemed pretty much gone. Sophie drove us into Rutland so we could spend the afternoon soaking up rays in the city park. Being Vermont, we didn’t have long before the cool weather began to push out what little warmth we had. The nice thing about being seniors now was that we weren’t restricted to the academy grounds. Only seniors could leave the property on week days. All other class levels had to wait for the weekends. So there we were on a Thursday afternoon, laying out on the grass watching a group of guys play Ultimate Frisbee in the park by the large pond. “So have you made a date with Robert yet?” “No. I’ve been waiting for the humiliation to fade. I’ll probably go find him sometime this weekend though.”

That and the meds had made me really groggy, and I seemed to have slept away most of my time outside of class. Hopefully he won’t think I blew him off. “You could always take him down to the pond and have him strip down to his Speedo. Tit for tat, you know? Speaking of Speedos, we really need to go to a few swim meets this year.” “Eh. With my luck he’ll be wearing boxers, so what’s the point?” I joked. Sophie lowered her sunglasses and flashed me those gorgeous blue eyes. Some of her dark brown waves fell over her cheeks, and the red in her hair shimmered in the sun. “You’re assuming he’s not going commando under those jeans. Just think about it. You take him to the pond and get him all hot and ready to go. You think he’s gonna actually say no if you suggest skinny dipping at that point?” “Heads up!” a male voice shouted. I saw Sophie’s eyes stretch and her mouth fall open, but it didn’t matter. Something smashed into the side of my head

before I had the chance to react. A moment of pure pain was immediately followed by nausea. I groaned as I bent over, reaching out to assess my head as shots of pain radiated outward from the point of impact. Sophie gasped and ripped my hand away to cradle and inspect my head herself. “Oh-my-God-are-you-okaaaaayyyyyy?!” The inside of my head was absolutely throbbing. Moaning, I grumbled, “It’s like a jackhammer in here.” A pair of running feet suddenly slid to a halt on the ground I was staring at. Clearly male feet by the black and white sneakers and dust-filled socks. “I am so sorry!” the guy said. At least he sounded cute. “That wasn’t supposed to hit you!” Sophie snorted. “What exactly was it supposed to do?” I had inhaled three deep breaths to calm the nausea and throbbing and the guy still hadn’t answered. I looked up just as Sophie got to her feet.

“You’re okay, right?” she asked. “Cause that’s my cue.” “Huh?” Cue for what? Sophie winked and whipped off in the opposite direction faster than I ever thought a pair of heels in grass could go, leaving me dumbfounded and utterly confused. “What the hell?” I shouted out to her. Really wish I hadn’t. All I got in return was an intense pain in my head, and I groaned and buried my head in my hands. “Again, really sorry about that.” I finally glanced up at my assailant, immediately blinded by the mid-afternoon sun. I threw my hand up to shield it, but I didn’t get a clear look at the guy until he sidestepped to block the light with his body. He was tall, good-looking and built nicely, and I guessed the muscular calves were from years of playing soccer, seeing as how he was pressing a soccer ball into his side. It probably didn’t help that the sun hit perfectly behind his body and a warm, buttery shine surrounded him, making him look even more alluring than he probably really was.

But beautiful shine aside, if those spots I was seeing all over him weren’t permanent, well then hot damn! I was actually surprised Sophie didn’t stay and fight for the guy. I may have been the one that got whacked but he was technically still fair game. Like a fool I just sat there and stared up at him, completely forgetting he had attempted to apologize twice already. Maybe he did hit my head a little too hard. I seriously didn’t think my poor head could take any more hits right now. “I’m Chance.” “Jenna.” Good. Knowing my name was good. Now he won’t think I need a drool cup. “Have we met before? Because there’s something really familiar about you.” He squatted down to bring his face to meet mine. Now I could see that his eyes were rich mossy green with little gold flecks splattered around the pupil. His eyelashes were thick and curled just right, which made me completely envious – mine were so thin and limp. “I’m pretty sure I would’ve remembered someone

slamming a soccer ball into my head before. So, doubtful.” “Not if I hit you hard enough,” he muttered, failing miserably to maintain a straight face. I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Let me get you a treat. Or at least some Advil for your head.” “Forgive me, but seeing how bad your foot is at aiming, I’m a little suspect of your driving capabilities, particularly the braking part.” He pressed his full lips together tightly, trying to suppress a smile. “Well, how about we walk then? If I trip and fall towards you, you have my consent to push me in the opposite direction.” Our eyes locked while I contemplated. I really wanted to go – who wouldn’t? But the pain in my head was pulsating, like my body was trying to spell out Are You NUTZ!! in Morse code. “Come on,” he beckoned. “Your friend approves of me.” “She does not!” I blurted.

“A strange guy kicked a soccer ball into your head and she bailed on you within thirty seconds. Trust me, she approves. Speaking of…” He stood to his feet, took a few steps and kicked the soccer ball to a group of guys across the park. Then he reached his hand out for me and cocked a lopsided grin. “Shall we?” That dimple was too cute. “Eh. What the hell.” “That’s the spirit! I love girls with low expectations. Makes them really easy to please.” “Uh-huh.” I allowed him to take my hand in his and he gently pulled me to my feet. His hand was smooth and warm and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like the way mine fit perfectly within his. He led me to the edge of the park, towards a snow cone shop by the water and motioned for me to sit on one of the benches. “So which snow cone will it be? Or do I need to go buy painkillers?” “Uh…” Funny thing was, my head didn’t really hurt that much anymore – just a mild vibration remained.

Maybe I was becoming accustomed to head injuries. “Grape.” “Grape? Just grape? You’ve got like fifty flavors to mix up and you just want grape?” “Yep.” “Alright. Just Grape Jenna. It suits you.” He returned a few minutes later with one snow cone shaded purple and a second striped with several colors. “Ooh. What’s that?” He cocked his eyebrows and smiled before he scraped his teeth across all the flavors. After he licked his lips clean of the colored ice, he replied, “This is the Chance Special. Five flavors you would never think to put together, but when blended, they make an awesome new flavor. Really, it’ll change your life.” “Wow. Life changing. Mind if I try?” “Sorry Just Grape Jenna. You’re cute and all, but we just met and I’m not looking to swap spit with you just yet.

Maybe next time I’ll get you one of your own.” I huffed. “Are you seriously trying to bait me into a second date by promising me a sweet, sweet snow cone?” Chance shrugged innocently and pretended he didn’t know what I was talking about. He was quick to finish his icy treat, but I was a lot slower. The ice sent a rush of cold to my head and gave me brain freeze, which only amplified my headache. When he wasn’t looking, I squeezed the rest on the grass behind the bench. “Done,” I announced, tossing the paper cone into the trash bin and wiping my hand dry on my jeans. “So what now?” “Well, I guess I’ll have to come up with something because apparently we’re on a first date.” OMG!!! I did imply that, didn’t I? My heart jumped inside my chest and panic rushed my senses. Trying to keep my voice smooth, I threw him a twisted smile and smartly rebutted, “You know, I’ve never been smacked in the head by a soccer ball before, but I can only think of two instances where that may happen. Either the guy hates me that much, or the guy really

wants to attract my attention.” He sucked on the inside of his cheek for a moment, refusing to allow a smile to break. “You’re missing the third instance.” “Oh yeah? What’s that?” “Total accident.” I huffed and shook my head. “Is that the one you’re gonna go with?” A huge smile spread across his face as he reached out for my hand and pulled me off the bench and into motion. “First date it is.” However, my smile faded when I realized he was leading me to the empty two-seater paddleboat on the edge of the pond. I wasn’t technically afraid of the water, but it had only been two weeks since I drowned. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous. Chance could feel my hesitation when my body turned to stone and he was no longer able to pull me so easily. “What’s

wrong? Do you not like the water?” “It’s not really that.” “Snakes?” he asked. “No, not really the – wait! Snakes?” “Frogs? It’s the frogs, isn’t it?” “No. It’s just,” I stood there fidgeting in place, “I drowned once.” “Holy crap! When?” “Two weeks ago,” I confessed quietly. “Fu-dge me,” he blundered. “Did you just say fudge me?” “Well, yeah. I’ve got a little sister at home, so it’s sort of become habit to change the curse words to something less offensive.” Laughing, he added, “Bad thing is, she always expects me to have chocolate when I say that. I have to keep a stash for her just so she doesn’t realize I’m cursing.”

I smiled and reached my hand out playfully. “So where’s mine?” “Great. You too? What is it with girls and chocolate?” “Think of it as a swear jar. Instead of putting money in the jar every time you curse, you get to put chocolate into my mouth.” “You do realize that’s going to encourage me to swear, right?” “Oh, right. Never mind.” I lowered my hand again. “So if you’re not really afraid of the water, do you want to give the paddleboat a try?” I swallowed hard and my body language screamed apprehension. Chance raised his hand and recited, “I solemnly swear that I will not rock the boat. And if I do, you have my permission to push me overboard and paddle away without me.” I glared at him. “It doesn’t count when you use your

left.” He chuckled and let go of my hand so he could raise his right hand. “See? Solemnly swear.” “All right,” I replied hesitantly. He held the boat steady and I climbed in carefully. I gripped the edge tight when a ripple hit the side and a few drops splashed onto my arm. He pushed the boat free from the bank and jumped in, causing the boat to rock and my stomach contents to somersault. I gripped so hard my knuckles were turning white. “Sorry. Unavoidable.” I laughed it off weakly, embarrassed to show it really did startle me. I calmed as we began to slowly paddle our way out, and I forced myself to let go of the edge and sit up straight. “So, Just Grape Jenna. Which high school do you go to?” “Pennington Academy.”

“Oh my God!” he whined. “You’re a prep girl?! Ah, man. That won’t do at all. No way I can date the likes of you. My friends would kill me if they found out.” I understood his rant completely. And I understood he was just joking, but a lot of the people at Pennington had that ‘I’m rich and that makes me better than you’ mentality. I just avoided those types. But there were also quite a few that didn’t let entitlement go to their heads. “Darn,” I teased. “Guess that’s that then.” “Do you really go there, because you don’t seem the type.” “If it helps, I’m there on scholarship.” “Well, it helps a little. But that means you’re smart and that’s a whole other battle to defend.” “Well,” I huffed in an over-the-top dramatic fashion. “You just want your relationships to be all easy-peasy and handed to you on a silver platter.” “You know what would help?” he joked. “A record.

Then no one would focus on your smarts or being a preppy. We need to give you a juvie record. Like breaking and entering. How’s that sound?” He cocked his eyebrows and gave me that lopsided grin again. I started to laugh but I was startled by this annoying repetitive beep. “What is that? Is that your watch?” I asked. “That’s weird. I didn’t even set it.” He pushed a few buttons but it just kept beeping. “Jenna!” I heard a female voice shout. It sounded like Sophie but there was no one remotely near us in the pond or on the banks. “Jenna!” I jerked as something soft hit my face and a pair of rolled up socks magically appeared on my lap. “What the hell?” I exclaimed, picking them up. White socks with repeating stripes of various colors. These were Sophie’s! Suddenly, my eyes shot wide open and I was laying in my bed back at the dorm. The alarm next to me was blaring and

I held a sock ball in my hand. “Jenna!” Sophie yelled. “It’s Saturday. Turn that crap off!” I leaned over and switched the alarm off. Sophie huffed and threw herself back onto her pillow. I was kinda bummed the dream got cut off. Yay imagination for giving me a hotty to keep me company, but it was too bad we didn’t get to the kissing part in time.

One of the perks of senior year at Pennington was that I got to fill my schedule with electives that were similar to the field I wanted to study in college. The bad part was that whatever Robert was interested in studying, it wasn’t science-related like me. And we didn’t seem to share the few normal classes we were forced to take, like Calculus and English. I guess he really was gonna wait for me to come and

find him when I was ready. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems kinda cruel to make the girl who was utterly humiliated in her undies to have to go chase down the boy that got to see the free show. I hadn’t actually seen Robert since I got back from the hospital. I never saw him in the halls and we obviously didn’t have the same lunch break, so how the heck was I supposed to come and find him anyway? I mean seriously, I’m just supposed to know where his dorm room was? Alright, I actually did know where his room was. But it was only by complete happenstance that I found it. I by no means found it on purpose. I just happened to be walking down one of the male hallways last year – which I wasn’t really supposed to be doing – and just happened to notice his name on a door: Robert Jennings and Jhett Murdoch. I remember when I saw it that my heart actually fluttered and I lost my breath. Pathetic, I know. What’s worse? I bolted and practically threw myself down the stairs before someone could catch me in the act. Well, at least this time I wouldn’t run in fear… hopefully. My panic-mode switch was still a bit twitchy when it

came to Robert. I entered the common room that attached the male and female buildings and braved the entrance to the boys building. There were a couple of guys hanging out that followed me with their eyes when I hit the stairs and ventured farther in than I was supposed to. Robert and Jhett’s room was the first door on the second floor. Wish I had known that the first time I happened to find his room – of course I started on the wrong end of the hallway that day. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to slow my heart, and knocked on their door. Once ten seconds had passed, the loud thumping in my chest began to calm. Figures. I scribbled a note on their door and hightailed it out of there so freakin’ fast. I spent the day in the library and by the end, I was almost caught up on all the work I missed from my Jump of Doom. All that was left was to complete an essay on King Lear discussing the theme of justice. Yep – now you know why I kept putting it off. At this point, I was so tired I was half tempted to download a few online essays and pull key points from each to make up my own essay.

I scanned the library and realized I was the only one still there. I kicked my legs up over the table, leaned my head over the back of the chair and folded the Cliffs notes paperback of King Lear over my face. I rested my eyes for about five minutes before a voice came out of nowhere and scared the living bejesus out of me. “Have you been in here all day?” I jerked upright so fast the book flew off my head and onto the floor. Robert chuckled and retrieved it for me. “I’m too tired to go out now, Robert,” I whined, completely dismissing his question. “I would be too if I spent my entire Saturday sucking in air that reeked of old, musty-smelling books. But really, how long have you been in here?” “I don’t know. What time is it?” “Seven-thirty.” I moaned and rubbed my eyes. “Since ten.”

“Did you eat?” “No.” “Well, that’s your problem right there. Come on, get up.” He swept my legs off the table and pulled me to my feet. “I don’t think I’d make the best company tonight. Wouldn’t you rather do something tomorrow?” “And let you disappear another two weeks? No way.” I stood there like a lifeless dud. I guess my non-existent pace was too slow for him cause he started packing my bag for me. He pulled me into motion and led me to the exit. “Do you want to change?” “Do I need to?” “You smell like musty old books.” I broke out laughing. Serves me right for sitting in the back of the library where the really old books were kept. It smelled a little at first, but I chose that area cause it was usually the quietest. I guess most students can’t stomach the smell too long.

“Tell you what. You go back to your room, shower and change, and I’ll swing by the cafeteria and grab you something to eat.” “So you’re gonna brave the girl halls on a Saturday night? You’re just asking to get caught.” “By who?” he jested. “By whoever actually watches those cameras,” I said, pointing at one in the corner of library’s lobby. “Nobody ever watches those things unless something happens. The school can definitely afford the security system, but the students can also afford to go into town and rent a hotel room for the weekend, so they can’t stop us from having sex anyways. Just to see, Jhett and I pushed the camera up by our room high enough that it’s practically recording the ceiling. No one’s ever come to fix it.” “When did you do that?” “Some time last year.” Lovely security. It’s a wonder the kids stay segregated

so well. Of course, I’ve mostly allowed the cameras to deter me from doing anything I didn’t wanna be caught doing. “Alright. I’m on the third floor by–” “I know where you are.” He gave my hand a playful squeeze and added, “With pointless cameras everywhere, Jhett and I have been around.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “When you say you’ve been around…” “Not like that,” he replied, extra slow for emphasis. I quickly stripped, noticing the musty book smell when I pulled my shirt off, and practically scrubbed a layer off my skin with the loofah. I drenched my body with berry scented body wash just to be sure I got the reek off. I had just dressed and semi-dolled myself up when he knocked on my door. I scarfed down the sandwich he brought me even though he was watching me, slightly amused by my lack of etiquette at the moment. “I’m sorry,” I said, my voice muffled from the food I

was trying to swallow (I did at least cover my mouth with my hand), “I’m just so freakin’ hungry!” “No explanation needed. The visual says it all.” Okay, I turned around to finish eating at that point. I had zero aspirations to star as the leading lady in Robert’s nightmares. But once down, what crankiness that lingered from the library seemed to melt away. The food, in addition to the shower, made me feel refreshed and ready to go. “So what’re we doing?” I asked, slipping on my shoes. “I know of a spot on the property where we can go.” “You mean the river?” “You’ll see.” “Tell me now if I need a suit.” “You didn’t need one last time.” He followed it up with a wink and a half smile. Man, I walked right into that one.

After trekking through the woods for fifteen minutes, I realized Robert wasn’t leading me towards the path to his river spot, but towards another familiar destination. “You remember the part where we all promised Headmistress Somers we’d never go to the pond again, right?” He looked back just long enough to flash me a wicked smile. “And that’s why there won’t be anyone there but us.” While I was still unconscious from my near death experience, Headmistress Somers told Sophie, Robert and Jhett to keep the details of my accident quiet. Apparently, I was out of town cause I had a death in the family, not cause I was in the hospital recovering from an act of stupidity. Fine by me. Last thing I wanted was attention, giggles, stares, gossip or whatever would’ve come from that story getting out. I had managed to stay off the radar of those around me for three years and I didn’t wanna ruin that bliss now. Good thing only Sophie knew I had no family. The academy wanted to keep the fact that there was a pond on the property secret, especially since the majority of

students weren’t even aware it was there. If they learned about my cliff-jumping, they might be tempted to sneak off and try it themselves, and another person may repeat my fate. It was unlikely that any faculty member would trek through the woods to see if someone was actually hanging out there. I’m guessing that’s why she told us it was off-limits from now on (hoping we would obey and not have to worry about it ever again). As for the pond, Sophie and I never shared its existence with anyone cause we didn’t want anyone there. And I’m pretty sure Robert and Jhett never shared their river spot for the same reason. Though Sophie and I knew about it – we were walking in the woods one night when we heard them and followed quietly. Now I began to wonder if they ever did the same to us. So Robert was right about no one being there. Or so we thought… As we neared the outskirts of the pond, murmuring voices followed by mixed laughter stopped us dead in our tracks. “Guess our spot has become popular,” I said quietly.

“Forbidden places always do.” He took my hand and we crept closer to the trees that outlined the pond’s edge. I heard the splashing but my eyes were drawn to the clothes spread across the boulder where Sophie and I usually left ours. I gasped when I recognized a familiar pair of glittery jeans sparkling in the moonlight. Robert was already chuckling by the time my eyes found Sophie in the water, but it turned into a gasp when her companion surfaced from underneath the water and playfully attacked her, setting off a mixture of screams and laughter. Now it was my turn to snigger. It was Jhett. “Did you know about this?” he whispered harshly. I shook my head. “And she is so gonna pay for not telling me.” No wonder she was so keen to lure Jhett away so I could have Robert alone. A huge smile spread across his face when he asked, “So do we stay here and watch or go to the river?”

I gave him a push in the opposite direction. “River, you perv. I don’t wanna see this.” I took the lead, grabbing his hand as I passed. “Although part of me wants to be cruel and take some clothing.” “Except I’m sure some teacher would spy them coming back half-naked.” “And that’s the only reason she’s still got her pants at the moment.” Ten minutes later we arrived at the river and Robert eyed me warily. “Am I supposed to think it’s coincidence that you just led me to the exact spot in the river that Jhett and I always come to?” I shrugged innocently and slipped a smile as I said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Robert brushed against my body as he slowly passed, momentarily pausing to lock eyes, murmuring ‘mmm-hmm’. He stretched his arm and held my hand until he finally stepped out of reach. He bent down by the water’s edge, picked up a few river stones and began skipping them.

“You seemed to have no problem finding the pond,” I countered. Come to think of it, I never questioned his being there the night I drowned. The river was at least a half mile farther than the pond. How did he get there fast enough to help me? “Speaking of, how is it you and Jhett were close enough to help me that night?” He skipped his last stone and kneeled to collect a few more. “We were on our way to the river that night when we heard somebody holler. Not a bad holler or anything, but we could tell it was a girl, so we thought we’d check it out. I’d say about twenty seconds later Sophie was really screaming, so we took off running. We never knew about the pond. And when we got there, Sophie had just emerged from under the water all in a panic, screaming that you’d jumped in but never came back up. We dove in and kept diving until we found you. It was just blind luck that we were close enough to hear Sophie when you went under.” Man, I suddenly didn’t feel so stupid about chickening out the first two trips up the cliff. I bent down to pick up a few of the flat black stones myself and skipped the first one across

the river. Of course it did more sinking than skipping. I twiddled a second, sliding the slippery surface easily between my fingers. “I guess I owe you big time then.” I threw the stone so I wouldn’t have to focus on him while I said it. “Don’t worry. I’ll find a way for you to make it up to me.” I didn’t need the moonlight to show me the twisted smile I knew he was flashing that very moment. “Wait a minute! You were following Sophie’s voice before you knew there was trouble. You were gonna spy on us!” He laughed. “What? We didn’t know who was out there or that you were swimming. Yeah, we were going to check it out and see what was going on. Sue us.” “We were half-naked!” “And that’s our fault? If you don’t want people to find you swimming in your panties, don’t cause a commotion.” I threw a stone into the water beside him, and like I hoped it splashed water his way, mainly splattering parts of his

jeans. “You were so gonna hide out and watch us!” “Yeah, probably,” he admitted, and I launched a second stone. The water from this one went completely the wrong way. “In fact, you’d probably be the wallpaper on my phone right now because we would have definitely taken photos. And video.” I playfully screamed in anger and threw another stone even harder. That splash did a little better and hit his face. “Hey!” he yelled, sweeping the water off his forehead. He chucked a stone into the water beside me and drenched me even more than I got him with the three shots combined. Holy crap that’s cold!!! My camisole was saturated – like see every curved inch of my upper body saturated. And even though the weather hadn’t cooled enough to need a jacket yet, the chilly river water made me shiver big time. Though the water wasn’t the real reason I crossed my arms high around my chest. “Want to go trade out your shirt with Sophie’s?” That wasn’t a bad idea, but before I could contemplate the idea and decide if it would be funny or mean to do that to

her, Robert came towards me, already pulling his t-shirt over his head. God, it was hard to divert my eyes from the firmly cut abs and pecks. I supposed his arms were well defined too but my gaze neglected to turn away from the eye candy it already found. Those shirts hid a lot more than I thought was going on under there. “Here,” he said, trying to hand me the shirt he held between us, cutting off that delicious line of site to his torso. “I can’t take the shirt off your back. What about you?” “Jenna, I’m a swimmer. I’ve spent half my life without clothes on. Now take your top off.” I think my jaw fell all the way to my feet. “Or I could turn around,” he amended slowly, tossing the shirt at me and rotating one hundred and eighty degrees with his hands up in the air. I didn’t argue. I was cold and wearing the type of bra that didn’t hide that fact – as the guys would say, my headlights were shining. But I was slow to actually switch the clothes out, too busy admiring the muscle definition Robert had going on

across his backside. Sophie was right. We really needed to hit a few swim meets. Support the team, you know? “Thank you,” I said when I was finished, and he took it as permission to turn back around. “I’ll just add it to your tab.” He took my camisole and hung it in the tree to start drying. I had doubts it would anytime soon, but we were gonna have to put on our respective shirts when we returned to the dorms later. “For the record, we usually swim in our bikinis. I wasn’t planning on swimming that night.” I had panicked as we walked through the woods that night, so we stopped at the pond to give me time to calm down. “That’s too bad,” I heard him mutter. “So were your parents mad? I pretty much made myself scarce once you were awake so you’d get to spend some time with them. What’d they say about your accident?” He returned to the river and bent down to dig around at the water’s edge.

I released a long sigh within myself. I hated telling people this part. Pity sucks. “Nothing. Only Sophie was with me at the hospital.” His head whipped around in surprise. He actually sounded a little mad. “They didn’t come down to check on you?” “Robert,” I said slowly, “I don’t have parents. I don’t even have relatives.” His eyes remained hardened as he tried to figure out my puzzle. “I’m a ward of the state.” “Really? I didn’t know that.” “It’s not really something I advertise.” “No, I guess you wouldn’t,” he replied softly. “So, did they die?” I shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine. I was

abandoned after birth.” Here comes the dreaded ‘I’m so sorry’ part everyone always feels obligated to say. But as it turned out, he was the first to ever skip it. “So…if you’re an orphan and the system’s responsible for you, how’d you end up here?” Ugh…another secret I don’t like to tell people. “Scholarship,” I said dully. Shocked, he practically shouted, “You’re one of the scholarship kids?” I nodded my head and he added, “I had no idea. You don’t…look the part.” By that, he meant the other scholarship kids were easily recognizable by their clothes; which were either old, cheap or a decade late in style compared to their designer-labeled classmates. And since this school didn’t make us wear uniforms, they stuck out like a sore thumb on a daily basis. As for me, I had little money to my name, and only what I managed to make from my job at a bookstore in Rutland during summer and holidays. The only reason I dressed like my wealthy classmates

was cause Sophie shared her clothing with me. Even before she ever knew I was a scholarship kid, she had befriended me and offered to share. Thank God we’re the same size. I didn’t need another reason to feel like an outcast. “Good to know. Only Sophie knows about my parents and the scholarship. I’d like to keep that quiet, if you don’t mind.” “Yeah, sure.” He rose to his feet and commenced skipping the stones in his hand. “Your secret’s safe with me.” I breathed a sigh of relief. Awkward moment over. “So tell me. Last year when we had English Lit together...” “Yeah?” I confirmed. “Exactly how long had you been watching me in class before I caught you that first time?” I think my heart literally fell into my stomach; like it jumped ship, suicide-bombed, jumped without a parachute (you get the idea). I know my body froze, which wasn’t gonna help

me lie my way out of this. Robert had sat one chair up and two rows to my right and I spent quite a bit of time gazing at him. It worked perfectly, being right handed – I simply used my left arm to brace my head at an angle towards him while I wrote. Most people would’ve assumed I was looking down at my paper and not at him. I was about to open my mouth and deny any wronggazing, when he cut me off with, “Before you answer that question, I want you to recall who was sitting in the chair behind you, in the row between us. I narrowed my eyes and tried to recall. I spent so much time watching Robert I paid little attention to anyone else. But…I gasped. “Jhett!” “That’s right.” The curvature of his lips was just evil. He knew he had me. Jhett had a perfect view of me just like I had a perfect view of Robert. Damn! Damn you small school with your small classes where everyone knows everyone else and totally rats you out! I opened my mouth but when he lifted his eyebrows at me in anticipation I chickened out.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” “Uh…” He laughed and slowly walked towards me. Scratch that. Swaggered. There was definitely some swaggering to those steps. “Uh, is not a number. Come on. I already know the number, I just want to hear you say it.” It completely flustered me the way he neared. He took slow, purposeful steps, and he refused to divert his eyes elsewhere, like he was enjoying watching me squirm and back myself against the tree. “One. Little. Number.” He perched an arm beside me and used it to lean his body against the tree. I’d be lying if I said my eyes didn’t sneak a quick peek at his chest as he leaned in closer. The heat of his body brought the hairs on my skin to stand at attention, the smell of the citrus in his cologne made my stomach do flip-turns, and the glint in his eyes seemed to captivate mine into submission. I licked my lips slowly. He already knew so there was no avoiding it anyway. “November, probably.”

“Thank you.” His free hand caressed my cheek and his lips gently brushed mine. His kisses were slow and controlled, and once his lips skimmed mine a few more times, his tongue slid into my mouth. A ticklish vibration spread behind my neck and through my lower abdomen. He pulled away just as I was ready to reach out and bring him closer. “November? Really? Man, I didn’t catch you until March.” “Wait. What? I thought Jhett ratted me out.” He huffed. “Please. Jhett would never notice something like that. Lit bores him. He was probably in a daze the whole time.” If he were still wearing a shirt, this was the point where I would’ve forcefully grabbed the collar and yanked him toward me, just to tighten the cotton’s grasp around his neck. Instead, all I could do was grunt my disapproval and kiss him before his smile got any bigger. My hands pressed against his chest and I was suddenly reminded that he was half-naked. My hands trailed up

and swept behind his head, and I tangled my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. Robert’s hands forcefully followed the curves of my side down toward my hips, then reached around to my back and began to rub upwards. I moaned and buried my head in the crook of his neck. And it wasn’t a good kind of moan. My breaths became deep and fast and I bit down hard on my molars to fight the sharp pains pricking my backside. Frantic, he froze and asked, “What?” “My back,” I blurted, but his neck muffled my cry. It still hadn’t completely healed from my accident, when my back was scraped raw from the boulder. Since the meds ran out, I only had to deal with minor aches and sharp pricks when I overstretched the scabs. But Robert’s rubbing caused the t-shirt to snag some of the scabs and I felt them rip from my skin. His hands went under the t-shirt and gently patted the roughness my skin. “Oh my God, I am so sorry. The bandages were gone from your wrists. I just assumed...” He kissed the side of my face. “Come on. Let’s get you back.”

Before we left, I had him hold me there at the river until the pain passed. Alright, really I just liked having an excuse to snuggle into him, something I had been daydreaming about for a year now. He surrounded me with taut muscles and his cologne was heavenly – something citrusy, softened with a hint of lavender mixed in. God, I was just dying to tilt my head the extra few inches and kiss on his neck. He walked me all the way to my door and kissed me gingerly once more. I had just said goodbye and was about to close the door when I felt resistance. I backed out of the way and let the door swing open again. “I’m going to need your number.” I bit down on my lower lip and my eyes automatically diverted away from his face. “Uh…” “You don’t have a phone, do you?” He was actually kinda shocked. What teenager didn’t have one, especially at this school? “I don’t really need one. I mean, who would I call?”

“Email?” “I do have that, but I never check it.” Again, he looked a little appalled. “Again, who would I email? I didn’t keep in touch with the kids I met in the system and Sophie’s the only one here that I really spend time with, and I room with her. So…” “Wow. You’re going to be a little more difficult to date than I anticipated.” I loosely crossed my arms and leaned against the door frame. “Yep. It’s gonna require a little effort on your part. Like physically leaving your room and crossing that horrible hallway that protects you from the cold and snow, and actually come talk to me in person.” “Alright, alright. You win. Personal contact it is. So how about you meet me for lunch tomorrow?” “Sure.” I reached over and gently tugged him towards me. “See how easy that was?” His body pressed up against me and his lips brushed mine once more. My insides did a happy dance.

“I want you to remember this arrangement when I stop by unexpectedly and you have green goop smeared all over your face and you’re too embarrassed to open the door.” I playfully pushed him away. “Can’t be embarrassed if I don’t open the door to let you in, now can I?” I stepped back into my room and heard him chuckle as he stepped out of view. An hour later, the ibuprofen had calmed my back completely and I was comfortably lying on my stomach in bed when Sophie tried to sneak in. I let her tiptoe all the way to her bed, and heard her stub her toe on the desk chair I accidentally left in her path. So many expletives… “Fuck. Shit. Ow. Crap.” I reached over and flipped the switch for the lamp and she stopped mid-hop, scrunched over with one foot in her hand. “Hey, Soph.” I practically sang. “How was your evening?”

She eyed me suspiciously and I returned the glare. Cautiously, she asked, “You know, don’t you?” “At least I didn’t hear it from Robert, but imagine our surprise when we saw the two of you dippin’ in the pond.” She stood and pointed at me. “There was no skinny in our dip. See?” She pulled back the shoulder of her shirt and I saw the familiar orange cord of her bikini. “Soph! Why didn’t you tell me?” “There was nothing to tell! We just ran into each other tonight in the commons. Jhett said you and Robert were supposed to go on a date and we thought, hey, let’s go take a dip.” “I don’t know, Soph,” I teased. “You two looked mighty friendly.” She playfully shrugged. “What can I say? We hit it off.” “Did you kiss him?”

She pretended to fan herself with her hand. “A lady never tells.” “Good thing you’re not a lady.” For a second she actually pretended to be appalled, but her face returned to normal when I added, “Not with that mouth.” “Yeah, that screws me every time.” She closed her eyes and inhaled a long, deep breath and released it. “Jhett is a good kisser. But I’ve gotta say, swimmers must have excellent lung capacity cause that boy never wanted to come back up for air.” She gathered her robe and a change of clothes and headed for the shower. “Aren’t you gonna ask if I kissed Robert?” She blew a puff of air through semi-closed lips. “Please. I’ve seen the way you two have been staring at each other forever. Of course you kissed. Just like I also know that’s all the two of you did.” She flashed me a little wink before closing herself off in the bathroom.

I stepped out of the Rutland public library and hoofed it to the nearest bus stop. The library at the academy didn’t offer a lot outside the world of research material, so I always went to the public library for pleasure reading. And, yeah, I really meant pleasure reading. Don’t ask me why I liked the Harlequin novels, I just did. Weird considering I couldn’t read any of the sexual content without blushing and scrunching my face, and I swear I always turned my head in shame. I felt like such a peeping tom throughout the novel, but for some reason, it didn’t keep me from reading them. Maybe I’m secretly hoping they’ll help me overcome all the sexual anxieties I seemed to have myself. I tucked the book deep into my bag. I actually had time to start it before the bus came, but no way did I have the courage to read it in public. Not with the scantily dressed woman smothering the nearly naked man all over the front cover. I kinda dazed out for the ten minute wait, so I didn’t realize the whistle was directed at me until I heard my name

called out. I turned my attention to the maroon truck in front of the bus stop, and saw a teenage guy with a baseball cap leaning over to speak through the passenger side window. He sorta looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him, yet he said my name a second time and waved me over. “One date and you’re already ditching me? How can I pick you up at the academy if you’re hanging out in town at some random bus stop?” Huh. Did I mention this guy I’d never met but knew my name was kinda cute? “How random could it be if you found me without looking?” He pressed his lips and nodded his head a few times. Now that I could get a better look at the face hiding beneath the cap, a name flashed into my head. “Chance, right?” “Ah, see? I knew we’d been introduced,” he joked. I agreed with him on that, but for some reason or another, I had no freakin’ idea who this guy was. “So, why were you picking me up?” “Wow. Exactly how hard did I hit your head the other day?” Suddenly it all came rushing back. The soccer ball, the

cute guy, the snow cone. But that was a dream, wasn’t it? I know it was, cause I remembered waking up and being bummed that it was only a dream. So....was this a dream too? It was a little weird, but luckily I was good at going with the flow. “Apparently hard enough I don’t remember making a date with you.” “Oh, well, truuust me. You did. You also said I was the hottest guy you’d ever seen and that you wanted to pleasure me in ways I never thought possible.” I huffed. “Really?” I challenged disbelievingly. “Cause that doesn’t sound like something I’d say.” Certainly not out loud… “What can I say? You were incredibly high from the pheromones coming off me.” “Probably choking, in fact,” I replied, narrowing my eyes at him. His grin spread so far it should’ve taken flight, and after

we stared each other down for a few seconds, he asked, “So are you comin’ or what?” “What the hell,” I decided, and climbed into the Ford truck. He laughed and adjusted his cap. “Try to hold back on the enthusiasm. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.” He shifted the truck into gear and pulled back into moving traffic. I had my nosy moment and subtly scanned his vehicle. Dusty consoles, tons of coins and gum in the storage compartments and the half cab behind me was stuffed with clothes, shoes, text books, school and gym bags and tons of things that needed to be chunked into the nearest trash bin. Typical teenage boy. I could only imagine the mess he had going on in the bedroom. “So where are we going?” I asked. “I thought we’d head over to the Revival Theatre and catch one of the movies they’re playing tonight.” “That’s that place that just plays the old ones, right?”

“Yeah. But now that I don’t have to go get you, we’ve got an extra forty-five minutes to kill.” “Then I want my snow cone,” I said quickly. He smiled and replied, “I see you haven’t forgotten that part of our afternoon. You forget me but remember the snow cone. That can’t be good.” Fifteen minutes later, I had his so-called life-changing snow cone within my grasp. As I looked down at a blur of colorful stripes, I asked, “So what am I looking at here?” He pointed at each stripe as he said, “You’ve got wild cherry, which isn’t as sweet as most cherries, cola, watermelon, leche, which is like a creamy vanilla, followed up by blackberry.” I just nodded my head as he listed them off. My stomach gurgled a little – and not in a good way. “That’s…really interesting.” “Don’t knock it till you try it. And you’ve got to get all five flavors in at the same time.”

I scraped my teeth across all the colors, half expecting my tongue to be disgusted and spit it out. But surprisingly, the flavors blended remarkably well, as no one flavor overpowered the others. “Hmm…I expected it to be sickeningly sweet, but it balanced out better than I expected.” “It’s good, huh?” I nodded my head and took another bite. I offered the snow cone to him teasingly. “Willing to swap spit with me now?” “Maybe. Ask me again at the end of our date.” Yeah, right. As if I would beg for a kiss. I began devouring the snow cone myself. “So what are we watching tonight?” “It’s eighties weekend so we have a choice between Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Beverly Hill’s Cop . Which would you rather see?”

I shrugged. “I haven’t seen either before.” “What?!” I almost sloshed the snow cone all over myself when I jumped – he was that loud. I’ve seen very few movies in my life and his reaction was pretty typical. Everyone’s always so appalled that I hadn’t seen their personal favorites. What few movies I had seen had mostly been horror movies from a few dates I’d gone on. “In all fairness, I wasn’t even alive when those came out.” “Yeah, but you’ve seen Gone with the Wind, haven’t you?” “Oh, come on! That was a literary classic!” “It barely made color it’s so old!” I pushed him and he rolled sideways onto the ground. “I’m not even gonna defend that one.” He laughed as he rolled back up. “Glad you didn’t do

that in the paddleboat. So which one do you want to see? One’s about a kid skipping class and living it up on the town, the other is about a couple of cops. They’re both comedic.” “Kid skipping class. And I should warn you now, just to keep you from having any crazy outbursts in the future, that I have zero movies in my repertoire. And by zero, I literally mean I’ve barely seen any movies in my life.” I finished my treat and crumpled up the paper cone. When I looked over at him, he was looking at me kinda funny. “What? You’re not gonna smack me with a soccer ball again, are you?” He smiled and tilted his cap farther down. “Nah. Then you may really forget about me. So why are you so uneducated in the ways of cinematography?” Ugh…even in my dreams I’m forced to say this crap. Not cool. “I’m a ward of state, so I’ve never had anyone to give me money for a movie. And the group homes usually only had one TV and I really wasn’t one to fight for control over it.” He fidgeted with his cap again. Treading carefully, he

asked, “You’re in the system?” When I nodded he continued with, “You know, if you grew up like that, we don’t need to create a juvie record to bring you back down to earth.” He stood up and offered me his hand. “Come on.” He pulled me to my feet and kept a tight hold on my hand all the way back to the truck. Three hours later we emerged from the theater and he snagged my hand again. “So what did you think?” I gently bumped him as we walked. “I think you’ve earned the right to keep choosing the movies.” And that was a rarity with me. Chance was the first guy that didn’t take me to some creepy monster movie that made me sick to my stomach. “Well, that would mean we’re going on more dates. Are you even going to remember we have a date the next time I come to find you?” “Maybe…if you did something so memorable I couldn’t possibly forget about you.” He reached out to open the passenger door, but his hand paused on the handle. His other hand dropped mine and

slowly trailed upwards to the side of my face. My heart pumped faster and faster as his mouth neared, his eyes set softly on mine. Our lips had barely touched before he suddenly hovered. Several seconds passed, then motion kicked back in and our lips locked for good. My insides felt all nervous and I’m sure he felt me tremble when his other hand pressed against my back. My body flinched a little when he did that, but zero pain followed his touch – guess my back wasn’t hurt in dreamland. My body relaxed as he deepened the kiss and my hands came to life and slid their way around his neck. When I awoke the next morning, I still had a smile on my face. Weird thing was, I could totally remember every little detail of that dream. Usually when I dreamed, the images I saw during the night would fade fast, and maybe only the slightest of details would linger for me to analyze. But for some reason, I could recall everything Chance and I did on both dates. Except the movie. Maybe the time at the theatre was just an illusion cause I still felt like I hadn’t seen it. There were a few moments here and there, like scenes you’d see from the advertisement promos run on TV. I didn’t really pay much attention to the TV in our dorm room, but Sophie always had it

going on in the background. I probably just caught a promo at one time and never even realized it. What I didn’t quite get was why I dreamt of some random guy twice in a row. Okay, I’ve had random guys inserted into my dreams before, but never the same creation twice in a row. Don’t get me wrong; I loved that this particular hotty had shown up twice now, cause he’s actually really sweet and funny. I’m just saying…weird. But yay! Totally got the kisses this time! And for some reason, my mouth felt all stretched out and sore, like all those heavy duty lip locks really happened. But score one for the imagination, cause Chance definitely knew how to get my heart skippin’!

Sophie and I met after sixth period and slowly made our way through the main courtyard. It was clear and mild out, and the sun kissed our skin with the perfect amount of warmth. So we

couldn’t help but stop at one of the running fountains to dip our feet in. The sculpture had a skinny base that fanned out as it became a large bird’s nest with several baby birds facing out in different directions. They looked to the sky for their mother, mouths open and awaiting food. Water shot from their mouths and fell into the pool, but the base was so large that we only got hit with the faintest of droplets. I knew the glistening swirls of water before me were harmless, but my heart still sped up a wee bit faster when the cool liquid made contact with my skin. “So you wanna hear some gossip?” “Always.” Unless it was about me and my stupid jump, of course. “I heard that Lena chick from our history class last year didn’t come back cause she got knocked up by that Jeremy kid.” Alright, I’m not really one for gossip, but pregnancy scandals always rocked the house.

Gasping, I cried, “Seriously?” “Yep, and in every athletic class today, every guy in this school got handed a box of condoms.” “What?!” “That’s what Jhett said in his text to me earlier. So I’m thinking it’s gonna be a little hard sneaking into opposite dorms for awhile. At least until this blows over.” Not so much a problem for me since Robert and I hadn’t advanced beyond simple kisses, but Jhett and Sophie were a little more hands-on than we were. Robert had already been given the boot once this week cause their heavier makeout session required a little privacy. “Wouldn’t giving them condoms just encourage them to have more sex?” “Probably not. Either they’ve got a girl willing to ride ‘em or they don’t.” Sophie abruptly screamed and her body jerked forward, but I swear I jumped a hell of a lot higher than she did. Luckily,

I immediately felt the familiar comfort of Robert’s hands on my shaky shoulders, and he pressed down to ground me to the fountain’s concrete base. That’s when I realized Jhett was flat against Sophie’s back and had thrust her forward, but not really far enough to push her into the water. She playfully shot up and chased after him through the sea of people, trying constantly to swat after him. My heart found its way back to my chest and I tilted my head back to see Robert smiling down at me. He knew better than to do that to me, as I was still a little wary about pools of water. “Hi,” he said, leaning down to kiss my forehead. “Hi.” He grabbed my bag as I stepped out of the fountain and slipped my shoes back on. “So Jhett and I were thinking we could double date tonight.” I glanced as Jhett and Sophie rushed by us again, and I spat out a sarcastic, “Oh, goody.”

He laughed at me and gave my back a little shove toward the dorms. “Come on. You know it’ll be fun.” At six, Sophie and I met them in the commons and headed outside. I can tell you three things about Robert’s car. It’s black, it has two doors and it says Infiniti on the back…but that’s all I’ve got. Sophie and I literally had to squeeze ourselves into the backseat and we quietly whispered all the way to the restaurant. It drove the guys nuts – and that’s totally why we did it. We ate at some remote steakhouse in the middle of nowhere, so it was nice and quiet inside and out. After dinner, we stuck around and went our separate ways on the property, which had outside eating areas, a flowing creek nearby and wooden ramp walkways that led to different hiking trails. Robert pulled me in the direction of the creek, and once we were out of view of the restaurant, he brought us to a stop. Teasingly, I asked, “What is it with you and the water?” “Well, we could always go back to my car and hit the

backseat.” I rolled my eyes, knowing he was just screwing with me. “Like we could both fit in the backseat of that car. No wonder your parents got you that one.” He chuckled and replied, “Yeah, but the seat reclines really far back.” With a wink, he added, “I can show you later if you’d like.” “Uh-huh.” I nudged a rock on top of the tip of my shoe and flicked it up into the air. A moment later a splash filled the air beside Robert and he was forced to jump sideways to stay dry. I swear I wasn’t really aiming for him. Hell, I couldn’t aim that well if my life depended on it. Eyeing me playfully, he tossed a rock back and forth between his hands. “Was that an accident, or do you have a wet t-shirt competition you need me to get you ready for?” I held my hands up in surrender, not fancying the visual of what a wet version of my beaded blue top would do to enhance the curves of my figure. I slowly edged towards him and slipped my hand into his to pull him back towards the trail

again. “Come on. You can play with the water any time.” He tossed the rock to the ground and let me lead him back to the ramps around the restaurant. “So why haven’t you told me about your family yet?” Wow. Big sigh on his part. “You know, you don’t have to hide the fact that you have one. It’s not something I can hold against you or anything.” “It’s not that,” he said, pulling me to a stop. “It’s just… what happened to you disturbs me. I can’t even begin to understand how someone could abandon their child like that. What kind of person just leaves a newborn outside for someone to find?” My guess was a teenager that managed to keep the pregnancy and birth a secret. At least that’s the nicest version I’ve calculated over the years. I let go of his hand and stepped back to lean against the railing, and he did the same opposite of me.

“I’m not gonna lie and say I haven’t been a little bitter at times. But it is what it is. Come June I’ll be eighteen and I won’t have to deal with most of this anymore.” “Jenna, you’re always going to have to deal with this.” “Yeah, well, maybe you can tell me something positive about family that’ll lead me to have some faith in the concept. I know they’re not all bad. Sophie’s parents are really great to her and I can see how much they love her. And they’re incredibly kind to share all their holidays with me so I don’t have to spend them in a cold, empty dorm building. But yeah, sometimes I wish I had my own family to have Christmas dinner with.” Half way through my eyes diverted to the wood panels beneath our feet. By the time I finished, a tear had managed to slip through and my voice choked a bit. I saw his feet step towards me and felt him pull my body against his. I leaned my head against his shoulder and buried my eyes into his neck. I breathed in the familiar scent of his cologne and it began to calm me from the inside out. After holding me quietly for a moment, he began with, “My parents are a little outside Hartford, Connecticut. My dad

works as one of those high-priced attorneys with a never-ending work load, but he always manages to get home by a decent hour when he needs to. Surprisingly, he made it to most of my swim meets growing up, so at least he believes in family first. My mom stays at home and is definitely what you would call a socialite. And it bugs the crap out of her that I won’t involve myself in all the activities the kids of other socialites do. My brother Reynold graduated from Columbia last year and got married over the summer. And I actually like my new sister-in-law. She’s very down to earth, easy to please and has no problem putting my brother in his place when the situation calls for it.” I chortled softly. “I think I like her too.” “You and Julie would get along very well.” “They sound nice.” My body lifted a little when he tried to shrug. “We have our fair share of family drama, but yeah, for the most part, it’s pretty nice.” After a moment’s hesitation he asked, “So, are you going to tell me about your families?” I huffed automatically. Family. I don’t think I’d call

anything I had family. “I’m not damaged or anything if that’s what you’re asking.” “No.” “I was adopted as a baby but they gave me up when I was three. I don’t know why. I was never told why. Not even when I was old enough to understand it. From there I had a few foster homes but people just weren’t interested in adopting anything but a baby. Guess they wanted to start their family from scratch. I kinda felt like a cat in a pound. Why adopt the older cat when you can have the cute kitten instead? When I got older I was sent to some group homes but I didn’t really like those. Some of those kids were seriously messed up. I guess their roads were a little more rocky than mine. “But no, my life hasn’t damaged me. No one ever screwed with me emotionally. I was never abused. None of the social workers ever tried to take advantage of me. I just never had a place to call home. Never had a real family.” When Robert realized I wasn’t gonna say anymore, his body returned to life. He started to rub my back but stopped the moment he started. It had been a week since the last time he

really did that and I’m sure the memory of me groaning in pain just shot through his head. “How’s your back doing?” “Better. Most of the scabs are gone.” Cause after he snagged me that night, I had Sophie use a freakin’ loofah every night to help flake them off already. He carefully stroked my back, and when I didn’t wince or complain he became more relaxed with the motion. “How long do you think they’re gonna take?” I asked. “Depends on what they’re doing.” I lifted my head and caught the sinful grin on his face. “You’re not seriously implying they’re having sex already?” “After a week? Not really. But neither of them are virgins either, so…” He shrugged. “I’m thinking now would be a good time to mention that I am still a virgin, and I plan on staying that way for a little while.” I was so glad my head was buried in his neck cause I

don’t think I would’ve found the courage to admit that otherwise. He gave me a gentle squeeze. “Me too.” I don’t know why those two little words surprised me. I guess I had envisioned Robert being more experienced than me. I had gone on a few dates over the years but was never serious with anyone. I wasn’t even sure if Robert ever dated anyone here. I certainly hadn’t ever noticed him carrying anyone’s book bag or hanging out in the commons the way he did with me. At least not for the past year, when I really began to pay attention to what he was doing. (No pun intended). “Just as well. Sophie thinks it’ll be harder to sneak into each other’s room now that a student has gotten pregnant and they’re passing out condoms.” “You know about the condoms?” “Everyone knows about the condoms. Seriously, what kind of school organization gives out condoms to students?” “The ones smart enough to accept that we’re going to have sex no matter what they say or do. They’re going to have to

deal with the parents one way or the other, so they’d rather defend their action of supplying protection versus having any more students get pregnant under their watch. If you think about it, they’re not really saying go have sex, they’re just saying protect yourself if you do. But I think Sophie’s right. They’re going to pay a little more attention to where people are going for a while.” “So now everyone will just go off campus to be alone.” “That’s right.” I sighed, and followed it up by breathing in another soothing round of his cologne. “So what did you do with your box?” “Put it in my bedside table.” “Didn’t even crack the seal and put one in your wallet?” “No.” There was something comforting about the way he didn’t hesitate to say that. He gave me another squeeze. “Ready to go back to the car?”

“Please. I’m tired of standing.” When we got back to his little Infiniti, I slid into the passenger seat instead of the back just to keep my legs from going into shock. Once he found a decent song on the radio, he reached out and played with my hand. After about ten minutes, Sophie and Jhett came around the back corner of the restaurant. “Should I be offended that you didn’t even try to make out with me in here?” He licked his lips and pressed them tight, but he couldn’t stop them from curling into a delicious smile. “I lied. This is a horrible car to make out in. Your reason for my parents choosing this model may have been right on target.” I couldn’t help but laugh at him. “Now don’t be offended by this either, but I’m going to have to put you in the backseat again. If I thought it was at all possible for Jhett to get in and out of that backseat, I would absolutely shove him back there.” I swayed our hands in the air and narrowed my eyes. “Don’t worry. I’ll just start you a tab.”

I stepped out of the car and squeezed myself into the back. And yes, I noticed Robert watch me crawl behind his seat from the rear view mirror, and the little wink he gave when I caught him. I think my heart just fluttered a bit. In fact, it fluttered a lot during the drive home due to the number of times I caught him gazing at me. When we got back to the academy, Sophie and Jhett took off the moment she squeezed out. Robert popped his seat forward so I wouldn’t have to crawl to the other side, and cause Sophie was quick to shut that door behind her. So much for ho’s over bro’s. I may have been small enough to maneuver my way in and out, but it was still awkward trying to wiggle through a twelve inch berth with a seatbelt strap to fight. I practically fell into his arms. (Alright, I may have purposely lost my balance. Sue me). He secured me in his arms as he shut the door behind me, then twisted me back against the car. With the same

seductive look he kept flashing in the rearview mirror, he pressed into me and my body leaned backwards, following the curves of his car. He followed me all the way, and when we could go no farther, his lips finally pressed on mine. My body shivered and I’m pretty sure it had nothing to do with the cool breeze that just blew by. One of his hands found the small of my back as mine found their way around his neck. One thing I learned this past week when I kissed him goodbye each night: I loved the silky feel of his hair on my fingers as I combed through his brown locks, and tonight was no exception. We stayed like that until the phone in his pocket began ringing. He grunted and apologized as he pulled it out, but he didn’t release the pressure he used to keep me pinned to the car. “What?” he whined, annoyed once he saw the name of our interrupter. I gently scratched his scalp with my nails and his face softened again. He said ‘uh-huh’ a few times, followed it up with an ‘alright’ and then snapped the phone shut again. He slipped it back into his pocket and sighed as he gently stroked my cheek.

“Think you can put up with me a little longer?” Oh, I think I could allow him to bother me with his sweet, sweet kisses just a wee bit longer…“What’s going on?” “Sophie and Jhett just took over your bedroom for awhile.” I felt an urge to roll my eyes into the back of my head, but then they would’ve lost sight of the way Robert was looking down on me, so I forced them to stay put. “Of course they did. No wonder they took off running. They probably planned that as far back as the restaurant.” “Well, that leaves us two options. We can either hike into the woods and go to one of our spots, or we can sneak you into my dorm room.” My dimples made a sudden appearance cause he intentionally left out option number three: we hang out in the common room like we already did every night this week. I was kinda tired of it myself. And if he was thinking the same thing I was right now, we weren’t gonna get the kind of privacy we wanted in any place labeled ‘common’. I think it actually surprised him when I pushed him off

me and led him to the dormitories with nothing but a smile. When we got inside, he left me alone in the commons to check the floors for any roaming teachers that could catch us. In a few minutes he came back to get me. “We’re good. They haven’t even noticed our camera yet.” A few people turned their heads with intrigue as he pulled me across the threshold to the male dorm rooms. He had me through his door lickety split and I got a rush the way he immediately picked up where we left off at the car. He twisted us farther into the room and I almost ate it when I tripped over a shoe. If he hadn’t had such a tight grip on my body I’d be on the floor right now. “Sorry. Jhett’s a little lazy when it comes to picking up behind himself.” Laughing between kisses, I added, “So is Sophie.” He danced me in circles the rest of the way, and once he was backed up to his bed he stroked my cheeks and said, “I have to admit, I didn’t think you were going to choose this

option.” “You thought I’d choose hidden option number three and make us hang out in the commons.” He managed a straight face but he clearly played dumb. “No, I’m sure I listed that as an option.” I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed down until he collapsed to a sitting position. I smoothly slid inside his legs and replied, “Nope. You didn’t.” His arms swept behind and pressed into the back of my hips, nudging me closer. “I assure you it was purely accidental.” “Uh-huh.” One after the other, I placed each knee on the bed outside his waist and sat myself on his lap. Before he could attack again, I quickly pressed my index finger against his lips. “Don’t get too excited cause making out with our clothes on is as far as I’m gonna go for awhile. You’re not gonna need to reach into that bedside table any time soon.” He smiled, leaned in to kiss our noses and replied, “I knew that long before I ever asked you out.”

That bewildered me a little but before I could even form a question, he added, “Last spring you went on a date with Richard Blevins.” I automatically rolled my eyes and shook my head sideways, which was apparently pretty entertaining. “Let me just say right out the gate that I’m willing to give most people at least one date. Even if it goes against my better judgment, I’m willing to give them one chance to prove I had them pegged wrong. With Richard–” “You didn’t have him pegged wrong.” “No-oooo,” I replied quickly, drawing the word out for several seconds. “What exactly did you hear?” “That he took you out and you couldn’t be bothered to even kiss him goodnight. Then he said some crap about not being interested cause you’d require too much work.” I burst out laughing, and remembering where I was, I threw my hand over my mouth to quiet the sound. “The extra work would have been convincing me to go out on a second date with him. That loser spent the entire night talking about

himself and all the luxury items he owned. Maybe it would’ve impressed some of the wealthier girls in this school but I honestly had no idea what the hell he was talking about. And technically, his daddy owned all those things, not him. I may have been willing to give him three hours but I have way higher standards when it comes to who I’ll actually kiss.” “Well, I’m glad you went out with him.” I’m pretty sure I gave him the most funky, most unattractive face I’ve ever produced. “That’s a mean thing to say.” “Okay, granted. Even agreeing to go on a date with Richard Blevins was an act of complete stupidity on your part.” He paused to wail cause I yanked really hard on the hair I was fingering. “But, when he said your name, I realized he was talking about this girl in my Lit class. He was trying to convince everyone you weren’t worth dating, but everything he said made me think the complete opposite. Any girl that’ll blow off that dumbass gets a gold star in my book, and that’s when I started noticing you last March.” “Yet it took me drowning for you to ask me out,” I

teased. “Alright, I was a little slow and summer was right around the corner. I figured I’d ask you out when we came back this year.” “A little slow this year too?” “I never saw you!” he said defensively. “Not only do we not have any classes together but our classrooms couldn’t be any farther apart.” I had to give him that one. There really wasn’t enough time to see each other between classes, even when we did know where the other would be. I leaned in and gave him a quick skim on the lips. “You are so lucky I drowned that night.” He huffed. “Please. You’re just lucky I was close enough to save your drowning ass.” I tugged his hair again but I couldn’t keep from smiling. “Call it even?”

“Not a chance. I plan on holding that over your head for the rest of your life.” He pulled my abdomen tight against his and slowly rolled us backwards onto the bed. Our kisses were soft and slow and every touch fed the fire that burned within. I was a little disappointed when his phone rang an hour later, and by the groan he gave reaching for the phone, he was too. We weren’t making out at that point but I was so enamored as we lay on our sides, just watching each other, letting our hands do all the flirting. “Yeah?” he said into the phone, followed a few seconds later with, “Okay.” His hand stroked my cheek and it felt so good I closed my eyes and smiled. It stopped, but I still lay there happy – until I heard the click. My eyes shot open and I saw his phone in the air between us. “Did you just take a picture?” He turned the phone to show me the picture of me

happily lying in his bed. “Wallpaper. Do you mind?” “So long as you keep them clean.” He released a roll of laughter and kissed my forehead before climbing over me. “I’ve got to go check the halls again so you can get out of here quietly.” He left the room and I shifted to my back and stretched head to toe. The bedside table was literally inches from my head and my curiosity got the best of me. I pulled open the drawer and sure enough, the box of condoms was there, unopened like he said. I closed the drawer again and smiled for some reason; maybe cause it proved he didn’t expect sex soon enough to even bother putting one in his wallet. I rolled onto my stomach and let my body melt into his featherbed, smiling as I breathed in the familiar scent of cologne that still lingered in the fabric. Ahhh…..If this was heaven, sign me up. His door opened and closed again, but I didn’t bother to get up, or even move for that matter. My body didn’t wanna leave this heavenly spot.

The bed shifted around my legs as his body weight pressed in, and he slowly crawled the length of the bed, finally hovering over my entire body. He leaned far enough down to press into me, but still held his own weight. His breath was warm and moist on my neck. After a few deep kisses re-lit the embers within, he quietly said, “Is it wrong that I love seeing you all happy in my bed?” My lips curled even more. “I like your bed. It’s soft and it smells like you, and I find that very comforting.” His groan was almost a whine. “You’re making it very difficult to take you back to your room, do you know that?” “Then don’t.” “Any moment now Jhett’s going to come through that door and completely ruin the lure of this bed, and I want to keep you coming back.” It was my turn to groan, but he was right. I could already imagine the multitude of things Jhett could do to ruin this moment of bliss for me.

“Alright,” I whined. The pressure above me lifted and I let him peel me from the sweet, fluffy bed. He pulled his shirt over his head and for the second time, I became slightly flustered with his naked torso within inches of me. He handed it to me while he dug another shirt out of his chest and put it on. I moved to hand it back, but he shook his head and said, “That’s for your bed. Maybe breathing me in will get you thinking of me when you sleep, too.” Awww…I think my heart just did a little happy dance. Yep…flutters. Jhett passed us in the commons where Robert and I were kissing goodnight. Of course he had to whistle at us and get what few people who weren’t already gawking at us to turn their heads. But I was on cloud nine, so I didn’t care. And later that night, I snuggled up with his shirt and let his sultry scent put me to sleep with a smile on my face.

As I zigzagged my way through the trees, I stopped to lean against the last one before the open field. A group of guys were playing a game of soccer on the far end. It was hard to catch a glimpse of the players rushing back and forth from this distance, but I was pretty sure I spotted Chance. He was actually pretty good at maneuvering the ball in and out of his feet as he tried to push past his opponent. He kicked the ball to a teammate, and a few seconds later he just stopped dead in the field and turned in my direction. He must have sensed someone watching him cause he honed in on me faster than a buxom blonde beauty on a wealthy ninety year old man. When he did, he bailed from the game right when the ball got passed back to him. His teammate yelled his frustration when Chance’s opponent swept in and kicked the ball back in the opposite direction. I can’t believe he even saw me. I was nowhere close to the game. I shook my head in disbelief as he jogged towards me.

“Hey,” I said before he pecked me on the lips. “I didn’t know you were coming here.” “Neither did I.” I had literally popped into this dream a few trees back. If I hadn’t known he played soccer, I wouldn’t have even paid attention to that game. It was weird that I looked for him period, but after two weeks of him in my dreams, I pretty much expected him to be there when I fell asleep each night. “You can get back to your game. I’ll wait here till you’re done.” He waved it off. “Nah. I play with these guys all the time.” We looked to the field and I noticed someone had jumped in from the sidelines to take his place in the game. “All yours.” He grabbed my hand and led me towards the parking lot. “I do want to change first though.” Thank God. I didn’t wanna say anything, but he’d already worked up quite a sweat and I didn’t fancy the idea of

being pulled in close enough to touch cold, sweaty clothes. Ick. He pulled a bag out of the back part of the cab and took a few minutes in the bathroom. The Chance that climbed back into the truck was sweat-free, dressed in jeans and a tee, and sprayed down with cologne. “So what do you wanna do?” I asked as he started the truck. “Do you play pool?” I couldn’t help but huff. “Are you seriously suggesting the clichéd date of bending a girl over just so you can show her how to use a stick properly?” “Well, when you put it that way…” By the look on his face, that’s exactly what he was hoping to do. “If you prefer, we can go with the cheesy date and hit the putt-putt course and racing track.” I scrunched my nose and shook my head. “Well, normally I would suggest swimming but you’re a little freaked out with water right now.”

I nodded my head, this time agreeing with him. “So you tell me. What do you think we should do? Unless you want to hit another restaurant or movie theatre.” “Eh. I think you were right with the first choice. Pool it is.” I pulled my seatbelt across my chest and ten minutes later we parked behind a building called BoJoe’s. “This is a bar, not a pool hall.” He cut the truck’s engine. “Yeah. My friend’s older brother is one of the owners.” “Bo or Joe?” Chuckling, he replied, “Joe. It’s Bobby and Joseph, actually. They’ve got a private room in the back they only let friends and family use. If it’s free, he’ll let us use it. Just give me a second to check.” He walked around the building, and after a few minutes he wedged the back door open with the rock lying next to it. He

opened my door and let me out, then leaned into the truck to pull his keys from the ignition. He kicked the rock out behind us and closed us off in the room that was immediately to our right. There was a pool table off to the left, a sitting area off to the right and a small wet bar on the far back wall with a couple of stools. When Chance dimmed the lights, I turned back to glare at him. “What? The light was hurting my eyes.” “Yet you seem to be able to play soccer mid day with zero clouds in the sky.” “Such an over-analyzer.” He grabbed a stick from the wall and set up the balls on the table. “Now do you know how to play or not?” “No.” I stood before the wall of sticks, noticing the different heights and designs. “Does it matter which stick I choose?” He practically snorted. I quickly pointed my finger at him. “Don’t go there!” Such a dirty mind. It took a moment, but his laughter finally died down. He cleared his throat before saying, “It’s called a cue. And no,

any cue will be fine for what we’re doing.” He lifted the rack around the balls and came to my end of the table, where I was twirling the cue I’d chosen. With an evil, seductive grin, he leaned against the table and asked, “So, which set of balls would you like to play with today?” My eyes shot north. “Must everything become a sexual innuendo with you?” “I was simply asking if you preferred solids or stripes.” “Uh-huh. I’ll take the stripes, thank you very much.” He leaned in slowly, like he was gonna come in for a kiss, but he stopped at the last second and pushed me sideways. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to break so you don’t poke a hole through my friend’s table.” I shrugged and stepped aside, watching as he leaned over. Silly me, I couldn’t help but notice the way his body curved in that stance, his back taking shape as the shirt was stretched tight when his arms extended over the table. He slid the cue in and out of his hand a few times, pausing to cock his eyebrows at me, then hit the white ball hard. It crashed into the

triangle of balls and sent them rolling in every direction, one of the solid balls going straight to the corner pocket. “Alright, come here.” He motioned me to follow him near where the white ball stopped. “Left foot forward, right a little back.” I did as he said, and of course, he wrapped his body around mine from behind. I leaned over and he adjusted my left hand as soon as I put it down. “Okay, place the shaft of the cue stick on the crease of your thumb.” I angled my head to see his face. “Please tell me it’s not really called the shaft.” He buried his head between my neck and shoulder, causing the laughter to sound more like hiccups. I dropped my head back in frustration. After a moment, he whispered in my ear, “You want to know what they call the back end of the cue with all the wrapping?” “Probably not.” His right hand swept across my back right cheek, coming dangerously close to slipping up my shorts. “The butt.”

“Seriously, what pervert got to name this thing?” He pressed his body firmly into mine. “And the back of the cue is called the bumper.” And with emphasis on the last word, he nudged me with his pelvis. “All right. That’s it.” I dropped my cue, spun to face him, and began pushing him across the room. He only went about a foot each time, so I had to push a lot. “What?” he cried playfully. “I was just giving you the breakdown of proper pool terms.” “Uh-huh. I’ll never get a single shot off with you behind me.” “So…what? You just want me to sit way in the corner and watch?” A light went off in his head that made him pause to think over his words. “You know, you’re right. I can admire you much better from afar. Take it all in.” One last push and he fell into the sofa. I spun to leave but he snagged my hand. He wasn’t laughing anymore. In fact, those mossy green eyes with gold speckled interiors looked me

up and down with desire. That look activated a little purr within my chest and my breaths came faster. He slowly reined me in, and all too willingly, I climbed into his lap and smothered my lips on his. His hands greedily rubbed along my sides and around my hips. After several hot and heavy kisses, he pushed my shoulders back to free his lips. “Well, well. Look who got turned on by the cliché. I’ll bet your insides got all warm and tingly when I pushed up behind you, didn’t they?” I licked my lips, delaying my response. His cockiness was justifiable, as I had fallen for it. But it wasn’t so much the cliché; just rubbing up against me and throwing me that look was all it took. But since he was getting a high off it, I let it ride. “So would you rather gloat, or fool around?” “I can do both. You’ll find I can be quite the multitasker.”

So…I had a sweetie to spend my afternoon and evenings with and another great guy keeping things interesting in my dreams. Robert was content hanging out in the commons with me most of the time, keeping me entertained while we studied and worked on our assignments. Sophie and Jhett usually shared another sofa next to us, doing the same thing. Of course, they snuck off to the dorm rooms a lot more than we did. It took me a couple of weeks to really warm up to the heavier make out sessions we were having now. I couldn’t help it. As much as I loved kissing Robert, I had always been an extremely shy and guarded person. Growing up in the group homes and random foster homes, things were always changing, people were always being shuffled around and what few people I had liked to talk to always disappeared on me. After awhile, I just withdrew and kept to myself. I had braved a few dates these past couple of years but I never let it go any further than a date or two with each guy. Maybe I was too chicken to open myself up for that, or maybe they just didn’t interest me the way Robert did. Lord knows Richard Blevins sure didn’t interest me. I did notice I wasn’t nearly as uptight with Chance.

Probably cause I realized I was dreaming, and that my insecurities just didn’t seem to exist in that dream world. There really wasn’t a voice in the back of my head freaking out over how he touched me or where he touched me or whether or not he should even be doing that. The make out sessions with Chance were hot and heavy from the start. Even I was surprised at how differently I behaved with the two guys. And yeah, I knew it was crazy to even think about what was going on with a guy in my dreams, but hell, what could I do? He showed up every night. After the first few times I just stopped thinking about it and went with the flow. Maybe this was my brain’s twisted way of getting me comfortable in my own skin so I wouldn’t be so chicken in the real world. So if a hotty wanted to come into my dream to play every night, pfhhttt! (Like you wouldn’t play too).

“So what do you want? Lawn chairs or the sleeping bag?” I took a peek into the bed of Chance’s truck. The lawn chairs were the low-rising ones for concerts that only lifted you a few inches off the ground. “Lawn chairs.” He smiled at me with amusement as he pulled them out of the back of the truck. “Afraid to roll up beside me?” “Afraid? No. Do I trust you to keep your hands to yourself during the movie? Absolutely not.” We picked up a bucket of popcorn and settled down closer to the back of the lawn. We were late and The Sound of Music had already started on the screen they set up in the park. He leaned over to grab the popcorn but I playfully pulled it out of reach. “Really?” I just laughed, kept my head facing the movie and the popcorn far away. He grasped the arm I had next to him and pulled me towards him. Since our chairs were more than a foot

apart, I tipped sideways and my head basically fell into his lap. “See. I knew you secretly wanted me to bring the sleeping bag.” I climbed and pushed myself off him and sat back up again, smacking him all the way. It was miraculous the tub of popcorn didn’t topple over when it hit the ground. Before I had time to settle, he had pulled on my arm again, but this time he leaned and met me half way. His lips had just found mine when we were suddenly rained on with popcorn. “Down in front, please.” Chance turned to voice his rebuttal but pulled short when he realized it came from a young boy, with perfectly parted black hair and a set of thin, black rims circling his eyes. “Dude. How old are you?” “Twelve. In public, social etiquette recommends at least a twelve inch gap between a couple. I came here to watch the pros kiss, not the amateurs.” A roll of giggles came off me. Chance furrowed his

forehead at me. “Well, if you’re into the kissing, why would you want to watch the people who had to be paid money in order to kiss, versus two people that are willing to do it for free?” The little boy eyed him carefully, contemplating. “Twelve inches please.” I burst into another fit of quiet laughter. Chance shook his head in annoyance – at both me and the little boy – but I could tell he was suppressing a smile. “Where are your parents?” he asked. “I am old enough to visit a public park for a social event and I am smart enough not to take candy from strangers or get into their car.” “Uh-huh. Where?” The little boy motioned over his shoulder towards a middle-aged woman in a lawn chair twenty feet back reading a novel with a book light.

“Well, can I at least hold her hand?” “It is socially acceptable to hold your intended’s hand,” he replied. “Why, thank you.” Chance then turned to me and whispered, “Oh, I would love to meet the type of girl he convinces to date him one day.” “I think he’s cute,” I said, and nibbled on a few popcorn kernels. “Cute? Are you kidding me? The kid’s like a human chastity belt. Did you ever watch that Robin Hood satire?” I shook my head no. As if. “Every time Robin Hood and Maid Marian tried so much as to kiss, her lady in waiting would pop in and go ‘bipbip-bip-bip-bip’.” He said the bips a bit too loud and we were showered with popcorn again. “Sshhh!” we heard.

It took all his strength to not turn around and lay into the kid again. And it probably didn’t help when I quietly went, “Bip-bip-bip-bip-bip.” He scooped up a handful of popcorn off the grass and chucked it at me. Two and a half hours later, and after three more sets of popcorn showers, we were picking up our things to go. I smiled at the kid and gave a little wave good-bye. He waved and returned to his mom. Chance dropped the lawn chairs into the truck’s bed, then grabbed a hold of my belt loops and pulled me towards him. I reached behind his head and pulled our lips together. For once we weren’t interrupted, and little butterflies began to dance around inside me. He detached his lips and pressed his forehead into mine. “Do you have to go home yet?” I gathered his hands in mine and slowly nudged my head sideways, kinda making his head wiggle with mine. “Good. I know a place in the woods where we can hang

out for a bit.” He leaned over the back of the truck and pulled out the sleeping bag. My eyebrows shot north and threw him a ‘hell no’ kind of look. “The forest floor out there is hard and bare. Trust me, you’re going to want this.” We hiked about a mile in and suddenly stepped into a small clearing. Chance spread the sleeping bag out and he lay down on his back. I hesitated when he beckoned me down beside him, patting the padded blanket. He held his hands up and lay them on his stomach. “I’ll keep my hands to myself if that’s what you want.” I lay myself beside him and gasped when I looked up. Tall white pines shot up, directly into the night sky where tons of stars seemed to twinkle down at us. I was overwhelmed by a sense of déjà vu, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what from my past was so familiar to this. “Oh, I like this.” “Right? I come out here to camp with a few buddies of mine every year.” “They’re not gonna show up tonight, are they?”

“Why? You planning on doing something inappropriate to me? Something I’d have to ‘bip’ you for?” I wasn’t looking at it, but I knew there was a twisted smile spreading deep into those cheeks. I swung my hand sideways to swat him and he snatched it after impact, entwining his fingers with mine. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think you’ll ‘bip’ anything I’m willing to do.” He released a noise that made it seem like he was offended, but he played it off by squeezing my hand. “So tell me. How far could I go before I got slammed with a ‘bip’?” Hmm…in the real world, not even up my shirt. But this was so obviously not the real world, and the fluttering butterflies within me sure wanted to play. Was it so wrong that just the thought of tumbling around on the forest floor with this hotty caused every nerve ending inside me to tingle with delight? No one would ever know.

And you couldn’t really lose your virginity in fantasyland, right? I looked towards him and that trademark lopsided grin greeted me. “I’m not quite sure that you would.” I rolled myself towards him and straddled my hips over his. I seized his shirt with both hands and pulled him up to me. Go big or wake up, I say. He chortled as I yanked his shirt over his head, smashed my body up against his and hijacked his lips. His lips were just as eager and his hands roughly familiarized themselves with the curvatures of my body. “Have I told you how much I love it when you wear the short skirts?” I looked at him curiously, cause I never wore miniskirts, then gasped when I felt his hands on the skin that should’ve been covered up by my panties. I looked down and was flabbergasted. No longer was I wearing the v-neck shirt and

jeans that I wore into the woods. Now I had on a short ruffled skirt, a cream camisole – which was practically see-through and tight enough to show every curve of my upper body – and my bra and panties had done a complete disappearing act! Hey! Since when did my dream bend to his will! If he even so much as thought of seeing me in nothing but French lingerie, I was gonna smack him! Of course, those thoughts were completely forgotten once his hand began working a territory I had never shared before. I rolled myself forward and buried my face into his neck, utterly embarrassed by the loud moans he was causing to come out of me. He twisted us to the side and rolled me onto my back. As he bent towards my lower body, my arms slowly moved around on the ground in curling, wavelike motions around me, and uncontrollable spasms traveled the length of my spine. I awoke the next morning in a similar position, with my arms loosely curled above my head. My lower abdomen was filled with vibrating tickles and a huge smile spanned across my face. I stretched deep, all the way from my toes to my fingertips, arching my back, then sighed heavenly and resumed the gentle

swaying motion of my arms. Now that was an amazing dream! You know that moment when your mind totally melts into liquid goo and all you can seem to say is bleh-heh-heh? Yeah, that’s what last night felt like. Bleh-heh-heh. “Oh. My. God!” My eyes shot open. Who knows how long Sophie had been watching me. Her jaw was dropped and she just stood there, gaping at me. “You just had a wet dream, didn’t you?!” “What?” I questioned sharply, my voice cracking and giving me away. How could she possibly figure that out?!!! “You had sex! Just look at you. You can’t even stop smiling about it!” I threw my blanket over my head and muffled, “No I didn’t.”

Her hands were on me now, shaking me roughly. “You did, you did! Oh, I’m so jealous! I haven’t one of those in so long!” I peeked out from behind the blanket and meekly asked, “You have sex dreams?” “Girl, we all have sex dreams. The only gross part is waking up all wet in the morning.” I hadn’t really noticed it before but I sure did now. Yuck! I stumbled over her on my way out of bed and rushed to the bathroom so I could beat her to the shower. After breakfast, I was feeling all flirty and all I wanted to do was go find Robert. Since he was still swimming through first period, I had to wait until the bell released me to go find him before second. You wouldn’t think a school with a limited number of students would be so big, but since the classrooms were spread out on a single floor, you would really have to rush between bells if you had classes on opposite ends. I knew he had Calculus next, which was just absolutely cruel this early in the morning, but I supposed a cool swim in the

morning had his brain as active as it could possibly get. I hurried over to the math hall and found him leaning against a set of lockers, talking to another guy I recognized as a swimmer. Robert didn’t see me coming since he had his back to me, but his teammate tried to motion his attention towards me before I got there. I surprised him by yanking him backwards and into my arms, pressing my lips onto his. After the shock wore off, I heard his backpack hit the floor and his lips and hands began to work me over. Our kisses were hard and deep and our bodies couldn’t be pressed any closer together. The fingers on my left hand dug into his waves and pulled tightly on a section of brown locks. Sweet, precious butterflies. My insides tingled more with every brush of his lips. I hadn’t noticed that the hall had grown silent around us until I heard someone clear her throat. “Mr. Jennings.” We broke apart and found an old teacher with gray hair pulled tightly in bun at the nape of her neck standing beside us with crossed arms and a stern face, which probably enhanced her wrinkles even more. Several female students across the hall began giggling. She motioned her head towards the classroom next to us and said, “Take your seat. And you,” she added, not

knowing my name, “you have two minutes to get to class, missy. Go.” He squeezed my hand before I broke off and hurried back the way I came. I spent a good part of the day laughing over that, and imagining the feel of his lips against mine. I wanted to slip away after each bell and do it again, but I refrained, since I probably already caused him enough humiliation being caught by his own teacher, who looked eerily similar to Mrs. Doubtfire. (Yep…saw that movie with Chance the other night – once again only pieces like you see on the promos). Like always, Sophie and I met after sixth period and headed back to our dorm room together. The four of us had a standing engagement to meet in the commons half an hour after class let out, so I wanted to grab a quick snack and figure out what homework to take with me before we went. When a knock came on the door, I was the one that went to get it. The second I unlocked it, Robert burst through and practically threw me up against the wall, smothering me with his lips. He kissed me so hard I felt like I was having the life sucked out of me, but I didn’t seem to care that my lungs

strained for oxygen to the point that it actually hurt. When he finally did pull away, we were both winded, and my knuckles were white from grasping the back of his shirt so hard. “What was that this morning?” “Nothing,” I said innocently, dragging my fingertips down his abdomen. I had gotten over being flustered by his torso just last week. “I just wanted to say good morning.” “Oh, you just wanted to say good morning?” he jested, extending his arm against the wall beside me. He cocked his eyebrows in amusement and said, “Do me a favor. Next time you want to kiss me like that and have zero intention of satisfying the arousal you create, make sure I have time to take a cold shower afterwards.” Sophie burst out laughing but quickly grabbed her bag and rushed past us. “I’m sorry. I’m going.” She closed the door behind her but we could still hear her laughing as she made her way down the hall. I reached up and caressed his face, and his eyes locked onto mine and just gazed.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know my kiss would do that.” “Jenna, all of your kisses do that. But particularly aggressive ones like those this morning…I was a few seconds shy of slamming you against the lockers for all the world to see.” My lips pressed tight in a straight line. “So did you at least get your shower?” “No,” he said, moving his body a little closer, “I decided to wait and see if you’d be willing to do something about it.” My jaw dropped at the suggestion. “You know, since I had to suffer through an entire day at school with a hard-on.” I let out a little huff and crossed my arms loosely. “Look at you. Trying to feed off my guilt to get me under the covers with you.” “No, no,” he replied, and slyly added, “I prefer to have you above the covers.” I let out a larger huff and gave his chest a push, but he just rocked his body back into position. “I am so not gonna sleep with you yet.”

“Alright, so what about some of the other stuff?” I quietly debated for a moment. Don’t ask me why, but I still found it really unnerving to even think of taking my clothes off in front of him. “You do remember that I’ve already seen the goods right?” Deviously, he added, “And felt them.” “Well I hope you got a good look and copped a good feel cause that’s all you’re getting for a while. No way am I letting you near my knickers just yet.” He laughed and rubbed his jaw. “Knickers? Really?” I twitched my brows at him, as if it said the final word on the subject. “Okay, so your clothes are staying on. What about mine?” I eyed him carefully. “You’re ready to drop your drawers just like that?” Robert planted his other hand on the wall and closed

me in. “Jenna, I’ve worn a Speedo almost every day since I was about four years old and they leave little to the imagination. Modesty jumped out the window years ago.” “Lovely.” “So what do you say?” “About what?” I asked. His brows jumped and I gasped. “You want me to give you a blow job!” He chuckled. “You know, I love that you find it shocking that I would be thinking of sex and you in all your nakedness. Like I’m not a sexually-starved seventeen year old guy.” Wow. Blow job. Not really sure where to begin with that one. But I sure did wanna smack myself. If I hadn’t literally screwed around with Chance last night, I wouldn’t have woken up all horny and I wouldn’t have used Robert as an outlet to relieve some of that horniness. Is six weeks too soon to be giving him a blow job? Hell if I knew.

And it kinda scared me that I was about to go down on him. I had never done that before. What the hell was I supposed to do? I scratched my eyebrow absentmindedly and flushed from embarrassment. “Uh, here’s the thing about that. I really don’t know what to do for one of those.” He leaned in and gently bit on my neck a few times, then whispered, “I’ll walk you through it.” He wrapped his arm around my back and spun us, so that he was now the one backed up against the wall. I pressed my hands into his shoulder blades and leaned in to kiss him. The hand behind my back disengaged and my heart jumped a bit when I heard the zipper on his jeans unwind. His hand reached up to grab mine and slowly guided it down his abdomen and through the opening. I squeezed and his lips pulled away from mine. He closed his eyes to groan and there was a light thump when his head fell back against the wall. “You came commando?”

His lips curled into a slinky half-smile but his eyes remained shut as his chin extended upwards in response to my hand. “I was being proactive.”

I should have known that once I went down, Robert was gonna want it all the time. I could hardly complain though. I spent most of my nights relieving my sexual frustration via Chance, so I supposed it was only fair I helped Robert with his. But it would help if he wouldn’t yank on my hair every time he came. Seriously, I’m gonna look like a checkerboard Chia Head if he pulled anymore chunks out. “Hey, does Jhett go down on you?” “Hella yeah,” Sophie said, clicking away on her laptop. “It’s a two way street with us. Either we both get it or neither of us get it.” She chuckled and asked, “Why? Is Robert wanting you to go down on him?”

“He’s already getting that. He wants me to let him do it to me.” Her eyes popped. Seriously, I think some muscles must have burst for them to pop that far. “Jenna Baker, you slut! How long have you been blowing him?” I shrugged nonchalantly but I was sure my face flushed. “Like two weeks.” She grabbed a furry purple pillow off her bed and chucked it at me. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” “You didn’t tell me!” I rebutted, pulling strands of fur from my lips. “You already know I’m a slut! And these types of sex conversations usually make you all twitchy.” “Well, I’m telling you now.” “Yeah, two weeks after the fact.” The bridge of her nose pinched as she thought for a second. “I can’t believe Jhett didn’t say anything. How dare he keep secrets.”

What?! “Why would Jhett know?” “Oh, of course he knows, Jenna! No way Robert wouldn’t tell him that. It’s like a rite of passage with them.” She pursed her lips tight and shook her head. “And he didn’t tell me.” “Jhett didn’t tell you about my sex life? I’m loving him already.” “Well, I love that you love my boyfriend, but I wouldn’t love either one of them too much. I guarantee you there were high-fives and fist bumps involved both times they got us to do it. In fact, Robert probably moved in on you after Jhett told him about me.” “Great. Try to push the sex off as long as possible then.” “Uh, sorry Jenna, but that’s gonna happen any day now.” My eyes darted her way. “Seriously?”

“Well, yeah, it’s been two months and we’ve both done it before, so it’s not like we’re nervous about it or anything.” She typed away on her laptop like we were having a casual conversation about clothes or something. “So why haven’t you let him down? Does the carpet not match the drapes?” I rolled over onto my back, stroking the purple pillow in my hands. “I don’t know. Guess I’m still shy in the gettingnaked department.” Except in my dreams. Lord, I never had a problem doing anything in there. Just the other night I was practically doing a striptease. She continued to click away. “So turn off the lights. Candles make it more romantic anyways.” A smile curled upwards and she added, “Seems to slow them down and keep them from rushing through it, too.”

I really wanted to talk about Chance, too. I knew my dreams weren’t normal and they were in fact dreams, but I was starting to feel a little guilty about what I was doing. I mean, I had this great boyfriend, yet I let another man put his hands all over my body every time I shut my eyes. I desperately needed a second opinion on the subject. I tossed the pillow up in the air a few times, trying to sum up the courage. That pillow got twirled at least five times. “So…ever since I got home from the hospital…” “Yeah?” “My dreams have been a little weird.” “Weird like how? Like zebra-striped unicorns fartin’ glitter weird?” I burst out laughing. “No, but I won’t be surprised if one goes strolling by me now!” She stuck her tongue out at me. “I don’t know. Before my accident, every night was something new. Now, I dream about the same guy every night.” Sophie gasped, her eyes spread wide and a huge smile filled her face. It was kinda creepy. Like Cheshire cat creepy.

(Yes, even I’ve seen Alice in Wonderland). “Is this the same guy that gave you the wet dream? Is it that hotty from Supernatural? Is it dirty? Oh, please, let it be dirrrrrrr-ty.” The way she rolled the r’s on that last word made it sound more like a purr than the English language. I bobbed my head back and forth playfully. “He’s cute. And sorta dirty. What’s weird is that every dream has been a continuation. Like I’m following a storyline and every time I fall asleep, I pick up right where I left off. And we remember everything from the previous dreams.” “A guy that remembers everything? Now I know for sure you’re dreaming.” “Sophie, if I didn’t know I was dreaming, I swear I’d think I was in a real relationship with this guy.” She just stared at me for a moment, head cocked slightly sideways and all nonchalant-like. I knew I should have kept my insanity to myself. Booby hatch, here I come. How could I ever expect anyone to ever take this seriously? Sophie took a quick, sharp breath. “So…not the hotty

from Supernatural? Cause if I was able to dream that way, I’d be putting in a request to my imagination for a stand-in. And I’d make all his moments really, really–” She licked both lips, then silently mouthed the word dirty. “Gross. But seriously though, I think I’m actually on the road to bonkers. The dreams feel really real.” “Girl, who the hell cares? You know they’re just dreams. Otherwise you’d be locked away in some nut ward and I’d be talking to you through three inches of nonbreakable glass. So tell me,” she urged, cocking her brows at me and clicking her nails repeatedly on the keyboard, “are they all wet dreams?” “God, I hate talking to you!” “Oh my God, they are!” She burst into a fit of laughter. “Look at you! Won’t even let Robert slide into second, yet you’re pitching an easy home run for some dream boy. HA!” I hugged the furry pillow tightly to my chest. “I feel kinda bad actually. Robert gets me all hot and horny, then I kick him out of bed and let some make-believe guy finish the job.” She was still giggling.

“Soph!” “I’m sorry.” Her laughs came to a slow halt. “Poor Robert. All that work and nothing in return. Seriously, you’ve gotta give him something. That’s just cruel to let someone else finish what he started.” “I’d stop the dreams if I could. But every time I fall asleep Chance is there, and every time I’m overwhelmed with all these emotions and I know it’s a dream and I know I should still say no, but I just don’t.” “Well, if you’re feeling bad then it must be good sex. I say enjoy the wet dreams and Robert too.” My stomach churned a little. “Is what I’m doing considered cheating?” Sophie brushed me off with a hand wave. “No. I don’t care how much sex you have in your dreams. It’s not real.” “It feels real.” “Well, until he’s got you moaning so loud it wakes me

up, I’m gonna give you the okay on this one, Jenna. I guarantee you Robert has sex dreams about other women. And given the chance to have that on nightly basis, I promise you he’d literally jump all on it.” A few more snickers came out of her and I threw the pillow at her. For once my aim was dead on and it smacked her in the head. She swept it under to cushion her laptop and leaned her back against the wall. “Hey, so what do you want for Christmas?” she asked. “Are you online shopping?” “Yes ma’am, I am.” “Don’t spend any money on me. You’re already taking me home for Christmas. That’s more than enough.” “Oh, Jenna. Soooo not gonna happen. But are you really not going home with me Thanksgiving weekend? You know my parents don’t mind you being there.” “Yeah, I know. And it’s sweet of you guys to ask, but I’ve already picked up a few double shifts at the bookstore. With

so many people asking for Thanksgiving weekend off, I’m gonna make a lot of money. And I’m still at a loss for what to give Robert for Christmas, but at least this way I’ll have the extra cash to buy whatever it is.” “I know something you can give him and it’ll only cost you a flower.” I glanced over to throw her a look but her attention never left the screen. Of course that didn’t mean she wasn’t flashing the giddiest of smiles.

“Hey, Jenna. Can we have the room?” I looked up from my naughty Harlequin book to see Sophie clamp her hands together in front of her with an added expression that resembled begging. Jhett was behind her, reaching around to wrap her up.

Lovely. Was it sex-capade time already? “Normally we ask Robert, but we feel kinda bad giving him the boot all the time.” “Yeah, sure. I can read anywhere.” I sluggishly sat up, slipped on my flip flops and moseyed towards the door. “Thank you!” she called out. It occurred to me that I just left the safety of my quarters with a dirty book in my hands, and instead of braving the room to trade it out, I opted not to burn my eyes with the images behind that door. I pressed the cover of my Harlequin novel into my body and headed down the stairs. The common room was surprisingly full, so I decided to see if Robert was up in his room. Better be, since I gave up mine to the horny teenagers! Sophie and Jhett started having sex a week ago, so they were all over each other like peanut butter on jelly. Like freakin’ honeymooners.

As I came off the stairs and turned into his hallway, I was stopped dead in my tracks by a sharp, “Ms. Baker!” Crap! I was in such a daze I didn’t realize there was anyone on the floor. And never ever had I come across a teacher patrolling the hallways – I figured it to be as likely to happen as an urban legend these days. My neck stiffened and I turned around. It was Ms. Newell, dressed in the same khaki pants and polo shirt she always seemed to be sporting. I had her for P.E. and she was also the female volleyball and basketball coach. “Going to see your boyfriend?” “No, we broke up,” I said a little too quickly. Did she even know that I had one? “Sure you did.” She spun me around by the shoulders and kept her hand on the back of my neck as she guided me down the stairs. I got quite a few grins as we passed through the commons. Some of my fellow classmates knew Robert and I were dating and knew exactly where I was headed when I got busted.

“What’s your room number?” “Three twenty-four,” I mumbled. I felt so stupid being escorted like this. “So if you weren’t intending on going into a room, what were you doing roaming the male halls?” “Strolling. I wanted to sit and read but the commons were full.” “Stroll in your own dorm next time. Detention tomorrow morning at five-thirty in the AM.” “Five-thirty?!” I shrieked. “You’re going to mop the weight room floors and wipe down all the equipment in the room with disinfectant. The machines are sticky and smelly from all the sweat build-up.” My face puckered like I bit into a lemon. “That’s disgusting!” She smiled, “Then I’ve done my job at deterring you from doing this again. And if I do catch you in those halls again,

I’m going to have you de-clog all the shower drains in the girl’s locker room.” I groaned, and as I jiggled my keys in the door and cracked it, I could tell that the light was off. I asked, “Don’t you have chalkboards I could wash or erasers that need banging?” “Sure, if you were seven. Now why couldn’t you read in your own room?” “Cause Sophie’s sleeping. She was tired.” Ms. Newell pushed on the door and it swung open. She pushed me into motion and flicked on the light behind me. There was a groan and a “Damn it, Jenna! Turn off the lights.” Sophie was lying in bed with her arm covering her eyes. I didn’t see Jhett anywhere. “Language Ms. Zawinski.” Sophie jumped into a sitting position, still blinded by the light. “Sorry, Ms. Newell.” Ms. Newell scanned the room and the opened

bathroom with her eyes. Satisfied, she slapped me on the back of my shoulder and said, “Get some sleep, Ms. Baker. You’ve got an early morning ahead of you.” She turned and left, closing the door behind her. I followed her and listened through the door for her footsteps to fade away, then I locked it. “Holy crap,” Sophie said. A muffled voice said, “Is it safe to come out now?” “Yes.” Jhett was half naked under my bed, with the comforter pulled halfway off the bed to give him cover. He rolled himself out, bringing a few dust bunnies with him. “I can’t believe you got caught!” “Tell me about it,” I muttered. He dusted himself off and sat down next to Sophie. “So what did she give you that you have to get up early for?”

I crossed my arms and leaned back against the wall. “I get to de-sweat the weight room.” “Gross!” Sophie cried. Jhett tried his best not to laugh. “That’s…really mean to make a girl do.” “Yup.” I flicked off my sandals – one smacked the far wall, the other landed on my nightstand - and straightened out the dark purple floral linens on my bed. “And since my ass has to get up before the butt-crack of dawn, I’m going to sleep. For real!” “Uh, can I stick around for a while? If she’s patrolling I’ll never make it back.” I glared at the two of them. Seriously?! “Fine, but if I hear one moan or even one little giggle, I’ll throw you to the wolf myself!” I set my alarm for the horrible time of five-fifteen and buried myself under my covers. When it went off in the morning what good mood Chance had put me in soured immediately when I remembered why I was getting up at this God-forsaken

hour. I decided to let it blare a few seconds more, just to wake Sophie. I know she didn’t force me to go to Robert’s room but it was still her fault I wasn’t reading my book from the comfort of my bed. Man it was hard to move around at that hour. Normally light would fight to shine through our window coverings when I got up, but this early in the morning the room was still pitch black, with a hint of green haze coming from the alarm clock. I flicked on my bedside light and realized Sophie was sleeping alone in her bed. I never even heard Jhett leave last night. I bundled myself up with a ton of clothes so I could make the cold walk to the fitness facility without freezing my butt off. To hell with my looks. I definitely wasn’t gonna care that I was sporting bed hair the next hour or so. I turned off the light, and squinted when I stepped into the blinding hallway. Robert was there and he stood up to greet me. At least I assumed that blurry, bulky figure was him. “Hey,” he said. “Hey,” I whined.

“I heard you were going my way this morning.” He gave me the once-over and smiled. “Love the messy hair baby.” I blew air through my lips, too tired to open them, and waved him off as I headed down the hall. “Here.” He handed me a small, obnoxiously colored energy drink. “Trust me, it’ll help since you’re not used to getting up this early.” I popped the top – which wasn’t easy with the mittens – and drank the citrusy fluid. Ugh. My stomach was already burning. Hope it actually kicked my brain into gear, cause otherwise, it wouldn’t be worth the hole it was gonna tear through my stomach lining. “This sucks.” Nope. Not a morning person. At all. Robert put his hand on my neck and tried to rub it, but I had the scarf wound so many times he had a hard time finding skin. I chucked the can into the trash as we pushed through the double glass doors and the chill of the wind nipped at my nose and stung my face. Robert reached around my shoulders and

pulled me tight as we braved the wind to the fitness facility. “So where did you get caught?” “A few feet shy of your door.” “So close,” he joked, and when I shot him an annoyed glare, he followed it up with a smile and a wink. “Do you mind if I go in first? If Ms. Newell sees me coming in with a guy, she’s gonna know for sure I was lying about not having a boyfriend.” “Yeah, sure.” He leaned over and pressed his cool lips to mine, but surprisingly, his kiss warmed me a little. “See you after school?” “I’ll be there with bells on.” I could already sense the follow-up answer and I cut him off with, “Don’t even go wherever your mind was taking that.” He laughed. I gave him one last peck on the lips and rushed to the warmth of the facility. Robert followed a few seconds later, and when I didn’t see Ms. Newell anywhere, I gave him a friendly wave good-bye.

I took the hall to the left, towards the coaches’ offices so Ms. Newell could exact her horrible version of punishment. Ninety minutes later my hands were dried out from the alcohol-soaked rags and my brain was fried from the fumes coming off of them. I had no idea I should’ve asked for cleaning gloves, and once I did figure it out I couldn’t find Ms. Newell to get a pair. And can I just say that boys are disgusting? Really, really disgusting. Sure, girls used the weight room too, and I’m sure a few of them contributed to the nasty, sticky mess. Robert probably did too. But let’s be honest. It’s mostly the boys. When I was done, I stopped in the lobby on the way out. The more athletic students were already trickling in, as most of the team sports began practice before first period so they had time to practice and clean up for the day. Two girls in volleyball uniforms were gawking in front of the large window that looked into the swimming pool. Quite a few swimmers were moving around on deck, taking their turn on the starting blocks to sprint down the pool.

I passed the girls and stopped a few feet away. I was immediately spotted by Jhett, who waved at me from his lane. I smiled and leaned against the window, but my attention was drawn to the two volleyball girls. “God, Jenna. You smell like chemicals,” said the girl nearest me. Her name was Marie and we had third period English together. Her hand was under her nose, like she was trying to block the alcohol scent that reeked on my skin. The girl beside her was Anne, and she seemed to find my smell amusing – or perhaps it was the lovely bed hair I had going on. “Yeah, sorry. I guess I’m lucky Ms. Newell didn’t have me cleaning with bleach all morning, huh?” I jumped when someone hit the glass on the opposite side of me. My bug eyes receded when I realized the dripping wet guy with red goggles on his forehead was Robert, and my smile grew to match his. I couldn’t help but scan down – he was right; the Speedo left little to the imagination. He smacked the glass again and I jumped…again. Two of his fingers almost poked his eyes out, then he pointed at me as if to say ‘I’m watching you’, or ‘keep your eyes up here’. Not really sure which

he was going for. I held my hands up in surrender, and I’m sure I blushed when I mouthed ‘what?’ and pretended I hadn’t done anything wrong. It’s not like I hadn’t seen his package before. Hell, my lips were more familiar with it than my eyes were. He cocked his eyebrows at me and let his hand trace the window as he walked away. I couldn’t help but notice he was bulkier than the other male swimmers, like he should have been on the wrestling team instead. When he was out of view, I turned to leave, leaving the other two girls to continue gawking. I barely had time to shower before class and no matter how hard I scrubbed myself down with the loofah and berry wash, I just felt icky all day. By late afternoon, Robert’s energy drink had long worn off, I was cranky and my muscles were all achy. Sophie left to meet Jhett downstairs but I lagged behind and did a face-plant on my bed. A few minutes later there was a knock at my door. No doubt Robert, since he would’ve gone downstairs to meet me too.

Luckily, Sophie hadn’t bothered to lock the door on her way out. I called out for him to come in, but it was a little muffled since my face was practically being suffocated by my pillow. The door locked behind him and I heard his soft footsteps approach my bed. I opened my eyes in time to see him crouch down beside my face. “Hey,” I mumbled grumpily. He gave me a few weak chuckles and tucked some stray strands of hair out of my face. “Long day?” “How the hell do you do this every day? I have been nothing but an achy, cranky bitch all day.” “You get used to it. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have a 5:45 practice to get up for.” My lips vibrated when a puff of air burst through them. “Well, if you ever need to go to bed earlier, just tell me. Believe me, I’ll understand.” “So why are you achy?” “I think it was from all that mopping. Do you have any

idea what a pain it is to get that mop around all the crazy legs of fifty pieces of equipment? My neck and shoulders are killing me.” Ugh…maybe I should add whiney to the list. He gently stroked my head. “I can rub you down if you like. You’ll probably fall asleep within a few minutes.” I debated as well as my mind would allow me to – it was quite foggy at the moment. I was pretty sure I was gonna fall asleep soon anyways, but having Robert’s hands stroke and rub me down, now that sounded dreamy. “Alright.” I pushed myself up onto my knees and quickly pulled my shirt up. When it had cleared my head, I got a glimpse of Robert and the shock on his face. Apparently, when you are utterly exhausted and about to pass out, you really don’t have the brain power to give a crap about any insecurities you have. And though his face was comical to watch when I removed my shirt, it was nothing like the way his jaw dropped as I unclasped my bra, removed it and handed it to him before I collapsed back onto my stomach again. Since he was having trouble processing the unexpected peep show, I told him, “Ground rules. You can massage all you

want, but I’m not rolling over and both our bottoms are staying on, so we’re clearly not having sex.” It took him a minute for him to laugh off what just happened, and he continued to finger the light pink bra in his hand. “Any chance you could redo that? I don’t think the playback in my head is remembering that right.” He paused. “But then again, I do seem to have your bra in my hand.” I pushed my pillow aside, closed my eyes and sighed, allowing my flattened body to melt into the mattress. “Archive it. It’s not often I’ll be too tired to care if I flash you.” He climbed onto the bed and straddled my body. He leaned in and jokingly whispered, “Then I need to find ways to get you back onto the 5:30 detention slot.” I smiled but didn’t rebut. I felt him lean back again and his hands began to softly massage the soreness from my shoulders. As his rubs deepened, my muscles began to loosen. He heavily stroked the heels of his hands on either side of my spine, all the way down my exposed back. His hands fanned out, and it tickled when he lightly traced my sides back up with the back of his fingernails. He made several more passes and I found

the repetition of it very soothing. Eventually, I felt him tug at my side, like he was trying to turn me over. Mumbling, I reminded him, “I’m not turning over.” “Why not?” My eyes shot wide open. That wasn’t Robert. I turned my head and where Robert sat before, Chance sat now. I groaned and dropped my head again. “I am so not having sex with you tonight. The only thing we’re doing in this bed tonight is sleeping.” He didn’t answer with words, but his lips picked up where Robert’s hands left off. “I’m serious, Chance. You can kiss all you want, but you’re not getting anything in return.” He chuckled. “Alright.” He resumed the kisses anyway, and the deeper ones on my neck were moan worthy. At some point, I actually fell asleep in my dream. I didn’t really know you could do that. I must have

been incredibly tired cause the rest of my slumber was dreamless. As I began to stir and come to life, it was like I could still feel hands gently rubbing my backside. Only, there was something rubbing my backside! The room was pitch black, sans the slight glow of the clock. I could tell I was in my dorm bed and that my naked topside was plastered on Robert’s naked topside, and one of my blankets were casually thrown over us. I rolled my head backwards and saw that the clock said 5:15. I rolled my head back and caught the glint that sparkled off Robert’s eye. He kissed my forehead and quietly said, “Good morning.” The smoothness of his voice and the softness of his kiss made my lips curve, but my insides were twisting and panicking over the realization that I was topless at a time when I didn’t mean to be. I eliminated any remaining distance between our chests, and I thought for sure he’d think I was just trying to snuggle in, but Robert clearly understood my anxieties.

“I promise I can barely see you. And when I woke up a few minutes ago, you were just as you are now. You must have rolled into me some time during the night.” “Why are you in my bed?” I didn’t mean for it to sound as accusing as it came off. “I went back to my room last night after you fell asleep, but Jhett and Sophie wanted to be alone for awhile. So I came back. But Newell was patrolling the halls again last night. I had just made it to the common room when I saw her come down the stairs, so to be honest, I don’t think Sophie’s in that bed over there. If she is, she didn’t wake me.” “So Sophie knew about Ms. Newell?” “Yeah, I texted Jhett last night, and if you’ll let me reach over you, I can see if he texted back.” He twisted and our bodies rolled as he reached over to my bedside table and grabbed the phone. Our corner of the room lit up and blinded us, and I buried my eyes into his chest. “Yeah,” he said, and the room went dark again, “she stayed there to keep from getting caught.” He huffed and added,

“I don’t think any of us want to be the one to de-clog the shower drains.” Now that the spots had faded from my eyes, I tilted my head so I could see his face better. I reached out and stroked the side of his face, and the faintest glow of the clock illuminated his smile. “You know you don’t have to be shy in front of me, right?” Damn! Right back to my insecurities! “I’m sorry,” I said. “Your modesty may have jumped ship, but mine is still cowering on the edge of the plank.” His hand returned to fingering my back. “So,” he said quietly, “you did your little cliff splat around Labor Day, so that means we started dating around midSeptember, right?” “Yeah.” I wasn’t sure where this was going with this. “Thanksgiving is two days away, so that means we’ve

been dating about ten, eleven weeks?” “Okay. What’s your point?” “It’s just, after ten weeks, I’m a little surprised you’re afraid of my touch. Especially since we’re together every day after school for about six hours and all day on weekends.” I swallowed, and my voice got quieter. “It’s nothing personal. It’s not like I wanna be scared. It’s just…I don’t know.” He chuckled. “You weren’t scared to flash me last night.” I groaned, and even though it was practically dark, I covered my eyes with my hand. “I did do that, didn’t I? God.” He pried my hand off my face and tilted my chin up so our eyes could meet. “Trust me, as a man that has both seen and felt your breasts, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You’re beautiful.” He kissed me, and I felt my insides melt a little as the arm wrapped behind me brought me closer. My insides basically

turned to goo and every muscle in my body relaxed. After a few minutes, he rolled on top of me and began biting my neck with deep kisses – and all those muscles that had relaxed began to tighten again. I extended my neck sideways to give him better access, and as I opened my eyes, I saw that the clock read 5:30. I moaned my disapproval. Robert could tell it wasn’t the normal moan of pleasure he heard during our make out sessions, and his head lifted with curiosity. “What?” I reached out and caressed his face. I didn’t want this to end. Nudity be damned. “It’s time for you to go to practice.” “Oh?” he asked teasingly. “And my leaving would disappoint you in this moment?” He nibbled my ear and an involuntary moan escaped my lips. His hand released its hold on the opposite side of my neck and slowly traveled south. When I realized he was just inches from a certain naked spot, I gasped. He momentarily

paused and held his head above mine, assessing my expression as his hand started to trail gently down again. It felt like an explosion went off below my belly button and my lungs suddenly felt the need to take several quick, deep breaths. But since I never contested anything he was doing, his lips leaned in to brush mine the same time his hand began to caress my breast. Unrelenting moans screamed to get out the next few minutes, but they were muffled while his mouth was over mine. He brought his hand back up and lined both hands on the mattress outside my shoulders. When his lips released mine, they curled into a delicious grin, completely amused over how lousy I was at containing my pleasure. He kept his eyes locked on mine as he pulled away from me, waiting to see me gasp at the precise moment I realized what he was doing. I didn’t disappoint, and my chest fully expanded the moment his mouth took over for his hand. Lord, if I thought my moans were embarrassing before, the ones that came out of me now were utterly horrifying. I now understood what he was feeling the first time I touched him below the belt and why his groans never ceased.

After a few minutes, I practically had my legs wrapped high around his back. His hands had moved down to aid his mouth and stroke my skin. The clock now said 5:40 and another disapproving groan came out of me. He saw what I was looking at and climbed his way back up my body. “Quit doing that.” He gently kissed my neck again and his lower body weight pressed into me. “I’m sorry.” I reached out and fingered what was left of his hair. Turns out I was just as guilty when it came to pulling the other’s hair out while being pleasured. At least we’ll have matching checkerboard scalps. “I just hate that this has to end.” “Who says it does?” “What are you gonna do, skip practice?” Uh, actually, that would be awesome! My insides were all tingly and I never wanted this feeling of ecstasy to end. His breath tickled my ear. “We have the rest of the week off for the holiday.” “What?!” I thrust my hands against his chest and his spine curved backwards. He couldn’t stay here and keep making

me feel this! I had zero self-control! I grunted my anger at him as I held him off me. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” “Let me ask you this. Did you only let me do that because you thought I would have to leave as soon as I started? Then perhaps you could use it against me when I say you never let me play?” Damn. It’s scary how well he understood the workings of my brain. Unfortunately, my voice cracked and I extended my answer into several syllables. “Nnnoo-ooo.” “Mmm-hmm.” He pulled my arms down and I released the tension in my neck. He brought his face down to mine and the clock illuminated his features. “Does it scare you that we have an hour and a half until we absolutely need to get out of this bed and go to class?” I bit my lower lip a little. An hour and a half ? So many things could happen in that time frame and with the way he’d already aroused me in ten little minutes, I was absolutely freaking out about what he could convince me to do by morning.

“Yes.” “Alright. Would you relax more if I told you I have no intention of taking you any further than we’ve already gone?” “Promise?” “Promise. No more of your clothes are coming off and I promise to stay north of the equator.” My body relaxed upon hearing that and my hand reached up to rub his face again. Wait…Suspiciously, I mentioned, “I couldn’t help but notice the part of your sentence that said no more of my clothes are coming off, and the part that said that you would stay north of the equator.” He huffed. “I did say that, didn’t I?” “Mmm-hmm.” “Completely subconscious.” I might’ve believed him – if his poker face hadn’t broken. Once it did, he buried his face in my neck and I heard him beg, “Please?”

I rolled my eyes playfully in the dark and began scratching the back of his head. “You have a serious problem, you know that?” His head bobbed up and down as he found that humorous. When he came back out he said, “I’m sorry, but your moans really turn me on.” “Mmm-hmm. And it had nothing to do with what your mouth was doing the last ten minutes?” His lips just kept on spreading. “Just a coincidence.”

That was a loooong, pleasurable morning, but I told Robert straight up it wasn’t gonna happen that often. Obviously, I had no self-control once he started working my body. The moment he lost his, not even my fear of nakedness was gonna stop us from having sex. And clearly, I just wasn’t ready for that. But I think Robert recognized that I was one of those people that just

had to be broken in slowly, cause he seemed to know the precise moment to strike to get me to take the next step forward. Unless you’re in my dreams. Lord, it’s embarrassing what I allowed Chance to do to me in those dreams. I’m not certain, but I’m pretty sure it’s cause I didn’t feel any fear in there. No fear equals complete submission to my desires. Thanksgiving came and I filled my days at the bookstore. God, I loved it there. Don’t ask me why; I just loved books. And working there never seemed like working. Obviously, I didn’t have to work Thursday, and the public buses didn’t run, so I was stuck at an empty school. Luckily, there was always one teacher that stayed on campus for the few students that didn’t leave, so I didn’t have to go stay at a group home (I would’ve definitely taken up Sophie on her offer if I had to stay there). Mr. Ellis, who taught Chem classes, went into Rutland and brought back a pre-made Thanksgiving Day meal that we only had to heat up in the kitchen. It wasn’t even close to the spread I remembered at Sophie’s last year, but it was a hell of lot better than the ramen noodles I had sitting in my cubby back at

the dorm. I didn’t know any of the other four students that stayed cause they were all younger than me, but we had fun playing crappy board games after dinner nonetheless. Sophie was kind enough to leave her laptop behind for the weekend, so I was able to spend what down time I had from work Skyping with her and Robert. Once again, he gave me a hard time about not having a phone. And he cruelly followed it up by devouring homemade apple and pumpkin pies in front of me, accentuating every moan he could muster. After about the thirtieth moan, I told him to enjoy it cause he wasn’t gonna be moaning from anything I did to him anytime soon. Then I hit the ‘end call’ button before he could pick his jaw back up. So color me surprised when Robert came back from Thanksgiving with a freshly baked pie of each flavor for me. Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! Of course, I completely ignored his question of whether I really wanted to waste the can of whipping cream on the pies. December finally rolled in, along with snowstorm after snowstorm, but that didn’t matter at night cause it always seemed to be bikini season in my dreams. Being warm and half naked kept things going hot and heavy with Chance – but don’t

call me a slut just yet! Granted, I let him go all the way a lot, but even in my dreams, I just didn’t have the stamina to go at it more than twice a week. Not with Robert exhausting me with more passionate make out sessions these days. Seriously, it didn’t even matter that I kept my clothes on. That boy had learned all my hot spots and made me moan away every bit of energy I had left in the day. So it was a bit of a relief when I shortened our evenings that second week in December. I was the only one of the four of us scheduled to take the SATs the following Saturday and I needed to get in some last minute cramming each night. I also banned him from being horizontal with me that week. I thought a little breather would do that horn-dog some good cause his hands were getting a bit too frisky. And when he started coming at me more when we were vertical, I cut his lips off completely.

I’m sorry, as much as I loved lip-locking, I had to freakin’ study! I was the only one here that absolutely relied on getting good scores so I could maybe get some scholarships just to go to college. And I didn’t wanna take these horrible exams twice!

So when Friday night crept up, I figured my best point of action was to just stick with reviewing word definitions. If I hadn’t learned how to do a certain math problem by now, I wasn’t gonna get it by morning, and I just didn’t see the point of stressing myself out even more. Sophie came back from dinner and brought me a sandwich so I wouldn’t have to leave the room, and be possibly tempted to break my kissing rule with Robert. I thought a week off would do him some good but I was surprised at how antsy I was becoming without his touch. The moment I saw him after school that afternoon I just wanted to throw myself at him. So I bailed on everyone and hid out in my room all afternoon to study. Course I use the term study loosely. I couldn’t seem to focus on the vocabulary words long enough to memorize them. I kept picturing a certain someone doing a certain something he shouldn’t be doing. I cried out my annoyance and threw my study guide at the wall, which got Sophie to peek out from the bathroom. “Going that good, huh?” I groaned and whined, “I just can’t focus anymore.”

“So stop already. It’s over. You take the test tomorrow. Just take a long, hot shower and go to bed.” She flipped the bathroom light off and crossed the room to grab her keys. She fussed with her hair once more, then bid me goodnight. About ten minutes later, I was still lying in bed, staring at the book on the floor. A knock came from the door and I had a pretty good idea who that would be. Sure enough, Robert was on the other side. “Hey,” he said. I sorta smiled but I didn’t move aside to let him in. “Can I hang out here for a bit?” Uh, yes, yes, YES! Ugh! Why did he have to ask? If only he had just pushed his way in and jumped me like that day I kissed him outside of class and gave him a hard-on all day, we’d already be on the bed by now smothering each other with our lips! Now responsible, boring Jenna was gonna win. I shook my head and replied, “No way. You know I have the SATs in the morning.”

“Come on.” He actually whined, something I’ve rarely seen him do. “The commons are full.” “Why can’t you go to your room?” “Because, anytime Sophie shows up in a skirt, it’s as good as hanging a sock on the door.” I sucked on the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. I had assumed the skirts were for Jhett’s benefit – easy access – especially since it’s snowy white outside. But still…“Sorry love. No way.” He turned on the charm by singing his voice and bringing out the dimples. “Come on. I promise I’ll stay in the desk chair and be good.” “Uh-huh. For about five minutes, or however long it takes for you to devise a plan to get me on your lap.” He pretended to be shocked when the door shut on his face. He knocked again. One hand went straight to my hip as the other opened the door again, and I secretly wished he’d just run me over.

His body weight was supported by the arm against the wall and he had a huge smile spread across his face. “You should really wear more skirts.” I was about to open my mouth to retort about how I didn’t wanna freeze my buns off, but I knew he’d immediately have something to say about warming them back up for me. I decided the best course of action was to just shut the door on him again, and lock it for added effect – but it was more for my benefit than his, cause I was one second away from bolting through it myself. That night I fell asleep quickly, and Chance was waiting for me in the bed we seemed to frequent a lot. Not quite sure whose it was, but it wasn’t mine and it was way too clean and gender neutral to be the room of a high school guy obsessed with sports and movies. His upper body was bare, and by the sinful expression he directed my way, I was pretty sure he lacked clothing underneath the sheets as well. Ohhhh, how incredibly lucky he was that I denied myself all the fun stuff this week. Otherwise, no way I would’ve taken a flying leap into that bed and let him

rip my clothes off like that. “Damn girl,” he cried when I rocked him so hard he slammed his head against the headboard. It must not have hurt too bad, or it was worth the pain, cause he didn’t stop me from doing it repeatedly. As fun and satisfying as the romp with Chance was, I was still really jittery when I woke up the next morning. It could’ve been nerves about taking the SATs, but I had a sneaking suspicion it probably had more to do with the hormones raging within me. Why was it my hormones always got me crazy high and doing wild things in my dreams, but were never satisfied by what I did in those dreams?!! It was so freakin’ frustrating! I was about ready to head down for an early breakfast when I wanted to try something to calm my nerves. I picked up Sophie’s phone, found Robert’s number and texted him to meet me downstairs in five. I had no doubt he’d woken up by now, and even if he fell back asleep, he wouldn’t be deep enough in to not hear the phone beep. Sure enough, it only took a minute for Sophie’s phone to beep back with a reply of ‘sure’.

He was waiting for me in the empty common room, leaning against the far wall in a cotton t-shirt, flannel pants and what I guessed were slipper socks. He got a kick out of the way I rushed across the room and threw myself into his embrace and smothered him with my lips. You’d think pressing his sweet lips against mine would only rev me up more, but as I’d hoped, it calmed the nerves that were going crazy within. After a few minutes, I peeled my lips from his and buried my face in his neck, sighing contently. “I needed that. Otherwise, I was never gonna be able to concentrate this morning.” “You know, if you hadn’t cut me off completely this week, you wouldn’t be going through withdrawal right now.” “Hush up.” I gave him one more long kiss and when I pulled away again, I said, “Happy Birthday.” “Ahh. I figured you forgot since you were so obsessed with your test this week.” “Course not. Although I do have to admit I’m still at a loss for what to get you.”

“I have a pretty good idea of what you can give me.” When I threw him a contemptuous look, he added, “It’s not sex.” I kissed him once more, and this time when I broke it, I pulled away to walk backwards. “I promise I’ll make it up to you tonight.” His eyebrows twitched when he heard that and his face kept me amused all through the day. When I came back from that horrible examination, my eyes hurt and I had a headache but I felt lifted when I saw Robert waiting for me in an arm chair in the common room. I slid onto his lap and he wrapped his arm around me. “So how’d it go?” “Can I just say that I don’t care if two planes or trains or whatever take off from different locations at different times and travel at different speeds. I am not traffic control, so why the hell would I care what time they’d pass each other?” “That good, huh?”

“No,” I semi-whined, “I did alright. At least I don’t think I’ll have to take them again.” I wanted to lean over and bury my head in his neck but I was up too high to not bend awkwardly. “So, you up for an early dinner?” “Yes!” I practically screamed. My stomach started complaining during the last hour of testing. “You willing to brave a trip to Rutland?” I warily glanced out the doors. I had to walk down sidewalks with six feet of snow piled up beside them. “Seriously?” “The roads are clear and it’s not supposed to snow again until Tuesday.” “Yeah, I guess. If you’re willing to drive it.” We ate at a small pizzeria that we liked and when we were done and just relaxing, he asked, “So are you ready to hear what I want for my birthday?”

I did the math in my head already, since he mentioned this gift earlier that morning, and I knew we’d been dating for more than three months now. So I could only imagine what he was gonna try to slip into our routine now. I’m guessing I made a face cause he followed it up with the ever popular, “It’s not sex.” He reached into his wallet, pulled out some plastic card and slid it across the table to me. It was a room key to one of the nicer hotels in Rutland. “Not sex, huh?” I jested. I slid it back and he returned it to his wallet. “Alright, it’s my birthday so you have to at least hear me out.” I huffed but I couldn’t fight a smile from breaking. I used my eyes to say well? “Again, not asking you to go any further than we’ve already gone, but I want the rest of the weekend. Just you and me, in bed, without having to worry about Sophie and Jhett walking in, or a teacher catching us in the other’s room, or if the

neighbors can hear you moan.” My mouth made an O. As if it were just my moans that were loud and uncontrollable. Man, that really entertained him. By the time my jaw relaxed again, I had enough time to picture all the things he could do to me in that private room. “Yeah, okay. But I wish you would’ve told me earlier so I could’ve packed a bag.” “Sophie already did it.” “Oh, God!” I whined, and I threw my head back against the booth. Laughing, he asked, “You worried about what she packed?” “More like if she packed anything at all.” Sophie would get a hoot out of forcing me into nudity or packing nothing but barely-there lingerie. When we got into the room my mouth kinda dropped

again. This was way nicer than any hotel room I’d ever seen before: huge room, large flat screen TV, two separate sitting areas and a view of the nearby mountains. And of course, let’s not forget about the king size bed that looked all squishy from the fluffy feather duvet that covered it. Sweet! Robert handed me my bag and I closed myself off in the bathroom that was basically the same size as my entire dorm room. My chest purred when I admired the jet spa that was big enough for two. No way was I leaving this weekend without soaking in that for awhile! I tossed the bag on the counter and fearfully unzipped it. I didn’t quite know what to make of the contents at first. I pulled out four gallon-sized plastic bags. The first had spicy written on it, and inside I could tell it was some kind of skimpy black lacey thing. I tossed that aside – as if. A second bag said mild and seemed to have a satiny gown in it. Plain had a cotton tank and shorts tucked inside. The last bag said caliente, but there was nothing in it. Oh. Right. Nudity. Everything seemed to have tags, so I guess I knew what

Sophie did that morning. I unzipped mild. Inside was a lavender satin slip with delicate black lace appliqués across the chest and along the bottom, and a pair of coordinating panties. I changed, brushed my teeth and unpinned my hair so it fell in loose brown waves over my shoulders. I took a deep, cleansing breath before I turned off the light and left the bathroom. The room was dim and Robert was already buried underneath the massive amounts of feathers. I slid into the silky sheets and snuggled into his chest. “I figured you’d choose that one.” “So you did look!” “Of course I looked. To be honest, I was impressed Sophie knew a few Spanish words. I didn’t take her to be fluent in more than the English language, and even that’s questionable at times.” “She’s not. Her Spanish doesn’t extend past picante labels and menu items at the taqueria.” He laughed and I locked onto his eyes to ask, “So which one did you want me to

choose?” “The one you’d be comfortable in. However, I am grateful you’ve progressed past the plain bag.” “So not the spicy or caliente?” “Those are nice too, but I’d choose spicy over caliente any day.” I found that a little surprising. “Seriously?” He rubbed his chin absentmindedly. “Well, let’s put it this way. If you’re comfortable enough to wear what was in the spicy bag, then you’re comfortable enough to let me rip it off. So technically, I’d get spicy and caliente all in one sitting.” I playfully smacked him in the chest and snuggled back in again, breathing in the familiar yummy scent on his neck. Of course my slip came off eventually, but like he promised, he didn’t try to remove the bottoms. We mostly stayed in bed, except when room service came or when I left to soak in that glorious tub. He broke me down and convinced me to let him take it with me. Sophie had the foresight to pack my bikini but the moment I leaned myself back into his body, he untied my

top and threw it across the bathroom. Apparently, wearing the top would be considered backpedaling. Whatever. I didn’t fight it now that it was out of reach. I’ll give him this. After making me spend the entire weekend topless, Robert had me completely comfortable in my own skin. By the end, it didn’t bother me to walk to and from the bathroom mostly naked. I didn’t even cross my arms to cover myself up anymore. So long modesty.

That week was our last together until after Christmas break. We normally had two weeks off but Robert was leaving school a week early for an extended ski trip his family was taking to different parts of Europe. “So, about Christmas. Am I allowed to get you a

phone?” “No.” Wow. I was super quick to say that. Sophie shook her head in amusement from the sofa next to us. He lowered the book he was reading to his lap. “Why not? Say I went out and got you jewelry. The price to cover a phone plan wouldn’t be any different.” “Cheaper, actually,” Sophie chimed in, though her eyes never left her phone. “Look, I haven’t received much in my lifetime, but what I do have, I have because I’ve earned it.” “I won’t have any scruples over you earning it.” Sophie burst into a fit of laughter. I had to really twist in the armchair we shared just to see that perfect poker face. Someone’s been studying up on his SAT words. “You know, it amazes me how you can say that with a straight face.” He licked his lips and a small smile began to slowly form. “Besides, I think the tab you’ve already started is long enough.”

Our lips were mere inches apart and I was really tempted to eliminate every single centimeter. “I’d be willing to pardon it all if you’d let me get you a phone.” “Take the deal, Jenna,” Sophie said, and I turned back to see her still clicking away on her keypad. “Just think of all the late night calls, texts and dirty pictures you’re missing out on.” Robert murmured his agreement in my ear. Luckily I was spared the details of any dirty pictures Sophie had been involved in when Jhett crash landed in the sofa next to her. He gave her a quick peck on the lips and they became immersed in a hushed conversation. Quietly, I turned and added, “And you can’t cover a phone plan for less than fifty bucks anyways.” “Yeah, let’s talk about this ridiculous limit you’ve set for us.” “I’m standing by it. I don’t need anything.” “Neither of us needs anything, Jenna. That’s not the

point.” “I don’t want you buying me some ridiculously expensive gift when I can’t do the same. Is that so horrible to ask?” He threw his head back on the chair and stubbornly whined, “Fine. I’ll go to the store and get you something less than fifty bucks.” After rolling his head back and forth a few times, he sat back up, seemingly a little less annoyed with me. He sighed heavily and returned to his novel, but after about two minutes he huffed and waved it at me. “Don’t you have to read this for class too?” “Yes, but I’ve read it before.” “Where?” “I wasn’t forced to read it. I chose to read it last summer.” “This,” he mocked, “you chose to read for fun?” “Yep. And now I don’t have to squeeze it in before

finals, like some other people around here.” “See,” Sophie said, “that’s why Jenna gets the scholarships. She’s smart enough to think ahead.” “You got a scholarship to college already?” Jhett asked, seemingly impressed. “Which one?” My eyes widened as I looked up. Sophie froze and I felt Robert tense up behind me. “What?” he asked, confused by all our looks of surprise. Sophie blurted, “I’m sorry. It slipped.” “It’s okay.” It really was. I wasn’t too worried about Jhett finding out. “Jhett, I’m here on scholarship.” “No shit?” His lips pinched and his head seemed to nod absentmindedly. Yeah, I knew that look. “It’s okay. Just go ahead and say it.” “It’s just, you don’t look like a scholarship kid. I

mean…you blend.” “Yeah, well…ssshhh,” I joked. “Well, you had to be smart to get one for here. Have you gotten one for college yet?” “That’s actually what I’m working on right now,” I explained, returning to the website I had pulled up on Robert’s laptop. “But most of these want me to be involved in extracurricular activities or in the community in some way.” “Just make it up,” Sophie replied. “They’re not really gonna check.” “I’d rather not lie if I don’t have to.” “Why don’t you volunteer somewhere?” Robert asked. “Then you can choose when and where you go.” “The hospital!” Sophie exclaimed. “What?” “Yeah, I got friendly with the nurses when I was there.” She threw Robert a contemptuous glare. “Someone wouldn’t get

the hell out of ICU.” Robert chuckled. “I’m still not going to apologize for that.” “Anyways,” she continued, “they mentioned they’re always short-handed. I’m sure they’ve got plenty of stuff you could do to help out.” “You don’t have a car, do you?” Jhett asked. I shook my head. “I can just take the bus.” “No,” Robert said softly in my ear. “I can take you. You shouldn’t have to shell out money for public transportation just to earn money for school.” I leaned my head back over his shoulder and smiled. “We’ll see.” When Sophie and I retreated to our bedroom a little later, she hopped in the shower and I decided to start working on my calculus. I had tried to start it down in the commons but my brain just couldn’t seem to focus on it. I opened my book bag and groaned when I didn’t see my textbook.

“Crap!” I went back down to the commons thinking I left it behind, but it wasn’t there. And no one new had come along to sit in the area. Thinking Robert may have grabbed it by mistake, I cautiously made my way up to his room. I had just knocked on his door when the door across the hall and one over opened. I gasped automatically. The girl that stepped into the hall widened her eyes as far as mine. I recognized her as that Anne girl in the volleyball uniform the morning I had detention – for being caught in the male halls! Robert’s door opened but my eyes were still fixed with Anne’s, so it took me a few seconds to face him. Curious, he peeked out into the hall. “Come on,” he said softly and pulled me in. I took one last glance at Anne but she was already headed in the opposite direction. Jhett wrinkled his forehead with surprise when he saw it was me. “Do I need to beat it?”

“Doesn’t Sophie do that for you?” I threw my hands to my mouth as soon as I said it. Normally, I said that kind of thing to Sophie, not Jhett, and it just came out before I thought about it. He and Robert chuckled, but I wasn’t sure if they were amused by what I said or cause I was completely turning red at the moment. I tried to be sincere but the giggles just couldn’t be contained. “I am so sorry!” Jhett got up, and as he passed me on the way out, mischievously replied, “And to think you kiss Robert with that dirty mouth, you little beater you.” Once he was gone, Robert leaned on the wall beside me, waiting for me to disengage my hands. “I’m guessing you didn’t come here to discuss beating with us, so what’s up?” I fought to remove my hands, so the first few words were muffled. “Oh-my-God, I can’t believe I just said that to him.” “Why not? It’s not like it’s not true.” He nudged

himself a little closer and his hand reached out to finger mine. “Although, it was a little hypocritical of you since you’ve been quite the busy beater yourself.” He leaned in and gave me a long, adoring kiss that calmed my nerves. “So, what brought you up here if you truly didn’t have beating on your mind?” “Hush up,” I replied jokingly and pushed him off me. “Did you grab my calculus book downstairs? I can’t find it.” He grabbed his bag and sure enough, he had a spare inside. “This is where I’d normally say I’m sorry for taking your book, but after the past five minutes, I’m actually really glad I snatched it.” “Ha ha. Now if you don’t mind, I’m gonna go die of humiliation.” I was relieved to see that Jhett hadn’t made his way to our room once he bailed. But the grin on Sophie’s face when I walked into the room told me she had already been informed via cell phone. Freakin’ technology.

“Not one word,” I playfully threatened. “That’s alright. Apparently I have other outlets for the use of my mouth.” “I’m sorry! It just came out.” I figured that was the perfect time to take a shower. Maybe if I stayed in there for an hour I could wash away the humiliation. Nope. Still there. I changed into a fresh satin camisole and matching shorts to sleep in and stepped out of the bathroom, towel-drying my hair. Sophie was sitting on her bed with her laptop open in front of her, but she was quickly texting away on her cell phone. “Hey,” she said, “some teacher just checked all the rooms on Jhett and Robert’s floor.” “What?” “Yeah, they’re making a random sweep to make sure none of the rooms have become co-ed.”

My mouth fell open. “Are they doing that here?” “No one’s come around yet. I texted a few girls on different floors and no one’s been checked yet. But I guarantee you everyone in this school knows by now. Ms. Newell didn’t go so far as to check under our beds so I’d be willing to bet there are some misplaced students out there hiding under them at this moment.” “Where’d Jhett go after he left his room?” “Cafeteria. He knew you wouldn’t stay so he went back up after a few minutes. Aren’t you glad you got out?” Hell yeah. I couldn’t afford to be caught again. Out of the four of us, I was the one that did the least amount of room hopping cause Robert usually came to me. Yet I was the one that had already been caught once and almost got caught again tonight. What the hell? I flipped my hair upside down and continued to pinch the water out with the towel. “Hey!” Jhett yelled. “I missed that. Is that the beater

hater? You know, the one with rug burn on her knees.” My body snapped up and my hair flung water on my bookshelves as it flipped back. “Are you Skyping?!” I cried at Sophie. “Uh…yeah. Sorry.” “I had to take a leak. What’d I miss?” he continued. I rounded Sophie and leaned in behind her. Jhett’s webcam stream was taking up the entire screen and I could tell he was sitting at his desk. “Well there’s our little beater hater.” “You know, I think you just like saying the word beater and you’re using me as an excuse to say it.” “What?! Do you believe that, Soph?” he asked. “Yes,” she answered immediately, still texting away on the phone. He turned his head in the picture. “Man, can you

believe this? They’re ganging up on me.” I heard Robert chuckle off screen and mumble something along the lines of ‘good for them’. I rose to walk away but stopped short when Jhett added, “Hey, beater hater. One more thing.” I leaned down in view of the camera again. “Your headlights are on.” And with that I snapped up and steered away from the laptop. I heard Sophie gasp and then Jhett yell out when something smacked in their room. Sophie sighed and shook her head in annoyance. “Don’t worry about it Robert. I’ll be sure to smack the crap out of him enough for the both of us.” “What was that?” I asked, not daring to come within range of her webcam again. “I think Robert pelted him with one of those soft balls they have for that hanging basketball toy thingy.” “Woman, it’s not a toy thingy. Okay? Three words. Door. Basketball. Hoop.” Sophie looked up from her phone and she jerked her

head sideways with each word, “What. Ever.” Then she turned to me and said, “It’s a toy.” “Ahh! There’s no reasoning with her.” A knock came from our door and we both froze. “Ladies. Open up,” was called through the door. Sophie slammed the laptop shut and I answered the door. Ms. Newell stood there with a clipboard in hand. “Ms. Baker. Good to see you’re staying in your room tonight. Now where’s Ms. Zawinski?” I opened the door all the way and she stepped in far enough to scan the room. Sophie semi-waved from her bed. “Excellent. You two have a good evening.” I locked the door behind her and listened as she knocked on the door across the hall. Sophie and I traded curious looks, then she got back to her texting and I settled into bed with my book. “There’s still time to change your mind about the

Christmas dance. Sure you don’t wanna go?” I shook my head. “I don’t wanna go alone.” “You won’t be alone. Jhett and I will keep you company.” Yeah, that’d be fun. There’d be no point in their going if all they were gonna do was babysit me at the table all night. Hell, they could do that here. “I don’t wanna go without Robert. He’ll be here for prom. We’ll all go then, okay?” “Yeah, alright. Can’t believe you’re gonna miss it though.” Eh. Fancy dress I couldn’t afford, my legs turning blue slushin’ through the snow, just to get there and not have Robert to warm me back up again? I had no problem skipping this one.

I had to admit, I loved coming to Sophie’s for Christmas each year. Her family had a large estate on fifty acres in rural Pennsylvania and it was absolutely idyllic. The air smelled like Christmas trees, the grounds were always covered in snow and the wildlife wasn’t afraid to come up to the window in the sunroom, where I loved to sit and read. Unfortunately, since I was still a ward of state, her parents always had to send in a letter requesting them to allow me to stay with them for an extended period of time, but they were always happy to do it for me. It’s nice to know there are some decent, loving parents out there. Her mom even fussed over the hospital visit and kept apologizing over how she couldn’t come when it happened, since they were on the west coast for Labor Day weekend. And apparently, Sophie didn’t tell them until after I was awake and out of ICU anyways. Heh heh. That got Sophie a scowl and a gentle smack on the back of the head from her mom. I was curled up on the sofa with a cotton blanket over

my lap, gazing through the thickness of falling snowflakes when Sophie came in. I tossed my dirty paperback aside and accepted the mug of tea with honey she brought me. “So what’cha doing?” she asked, tucking her legs underneath her in the armchair. “Nothing. You?” “I’ve got a secret, and you know how bad I am at those.” Yep. Ohhhh, so bad. But on the bright side, she never really kept anything from me. “It’s only been a week and I’m about to bust. I can’t do this another week.” “Spill, my fellow little beater.” Her eyes sparkled upon hearing that cause Sophie never took ‘beater’ as an insult. “Well, Robert gave me your Christmas present.” My eyes perked. Partly because the tea was so freakin’

hot it singed my tongue, but mostly cause I’d been dying to find out what I’d get. I gave him his present before he left – a ski cap with built in headphones for his mp3 player. I know, not too exciting. But hell, he could afford anything he really wanted and this was something he could actually use on his trip. He said he hadn’t gotten my present yet and that he was gonna pick me up something in Europe. I figured he was just trying to pull one over on me by buying something in a currency I wasn’t familiar with, just so he could slip in a more expensive gift. That tricky little liar. “Re-ea-lly?” I sang connivingly. “And where exactly would this little present be?” I was actually kinda excited. Presents were rare for me and usually only ever came from Sophie. “It might be upstairs, but you don’t really want it already do you? He was very specific about waiting until Christmas.” I laughed. That’s cause he knew she’d never pull it off. He already got his, so I wanted mine too. “Gimme gimme

gimme!” She skipped off merrily and returned a minute later with a small wrapped package. “Sneaky,” I said. “He knew if he stuck it in a bag, you’d be all over it.” I slid off the elaborate gold silk ribbon and ripped the glittery gold paper (awesome choice). Sophie chortled as she twirled the ribbon on her finger. “I think he may have spent the entire fifty bucks on the wrapping alone.” “Well, I didn’t specify if it included wrapping so I’m sure he didn’t count it towards his limit.” I paused once I had the box completely unwrapped. Sophie burst out in giggles. “Son of a…” He got me a phone. And not just any phone. The exact same model he had, which was the most elaborate and ridiculously expensive phone you could possibly get. I shook my head and tossed it aside. Sophie picked it up, and confused, she shook the box. “Jenna, open the box.”

“No! I told him not to get me a phone. What the hell am I gonna do with that? A phone is a complete waste on me.” “Jenna, open the freakin’ gift!” And with that she hit me with it. “No way there’s a phone in there. It’s way too light. He’s just screwing with you.” I was suspicious about her lying to me but I opened the box anyways. She was actually right. Inside were a small cardboard jewelry box and a folded note.

I sighed heavenly and passed the note to Sophie, thinking she would get a kick out of it. “Oh, come on!” she cried. “I could’ve given this to

you a week ago and he wouldn’t have been mad at me? I suffered all week with this secret!” “You did very well considering,” I complimented as I opened the jewelry box. Inside was a wiry, bronze flower with a round gem in the center that hung off a matching, thin chain. The gem had a pale rosy color and was set deep, allowing the petals to shoot up and out, and curled in a way that only the tips of the petals would touch the skin. The petals looked like someone took the thinnest bronze wire they could find and randomly twisted an intricate design to shape them, making each wiry petal unique in its own way. It was delicate and vintage and I absolutely adored it. “Aww. This is perfect.” I allowed the chain to dangle in my hands and the flower twirled back and forth for Sophie to see. “I like that. And he stayed within your silly price range.” “And I got a sensible gift out of it. So…” I said as I smiled toward Sophie, “can I use your laptop? It’s late for him but I think I can still catch him.”

She waved me off. “Yeah, yeah. Go.” I practically ran I was so giddy. I had already spoken with Robert for the day but I was pretty sure he wouldn’t mind another call. I buzzed him, and after it rang about eight times on his end, the groggiest version I’d ever seen of him answered. “Wow…You know, I’ve never actually seen this look before.” I heard a strong puff of air burst through his nose and he rubbed his eyes down. “Scaring you off?” “No. But would you rather get off until tomorrow?” I could tell the blinding light of the screen was getting to him by the way his eyes kept squinting and his head moved a little to the side. “No, just give me a second to adjust my eyes.” Instead of waiting, I went and pulled the curtains and the bedroom mostly blacked out. I flipped on Sophie’s bedside table lamp and crawled my way back to the laptop on the bed. “Much better, thank you. So what’s up?”

I dangled the necklace in my hand for him to see. “I love this. Really. Thank you.” He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair before saying, “I thought she was in the clear. When you didn’t say anything the first couple of days, I actually thought she’d make it to Christmas.” “Very sneaky giving it to her. I thought you were getting me something in Europe.” “I still might. If I see something I really like. And before you get all huffy, you’re not allowed to tell me I can’t get you a side gift for no apparent reason.” I waved it off. Eh. It was Christmas. I’d let it go provided he didn’t go overboard. “So…two more weeks?” I moaned, and stretched my body flat onto the bed, resting my chin on my hands. “Two more weeks,” he repeated, then he lay back in bed and adjusted the computer on his lap. “Hey, since I’m

already up and it’s cozy dark for both of us, you want to strip down with me?” “What?!! No!” “Oh, come on. The only difference is there’s a computer between us now.” He shot me one of those trademark winks I’d come to love these past few months. Just evil. It’s like he knew they caused the butterflies in my stomach to flit around. When I didn’t answer, he jokingly added, “Everybody’s doing it.” Laughing, I said, “I don’t think you wanna use that as your argument.” “So what does my argument need to be to get you to remove that top?” I bit the side of my lip while I debated, but I quickly followed it up with a shake of my head. “Goodnight…” I sang. I heard him cry out in protest when I hit the ‘end call’ button. I had just rolled my way off Sophie’s king sized bed and made it all the way to the door when he called me back. I chuckled and shook my head for a moment, but for some reason, I still locked

the bedroom door and pulled my shirt off as I went to answer it.

I screamed. Literally. Then I snapped my fingers and shook my head at him. “Nope. Get out of that damn bed already.” I threw his clothes at him one by one, trying to smack him in the face each time. “What?” Chance exclaimed playfully, knocking down each bit of clothing as it neared. “Out! I don’t know when we fell into this pattern of just staying in bed all the time, but no more. We’re backtracking to dating again. You know, back in the day when you used to take me to places?” He pulled his shirt over his head and when it emerged his smile was just wicked. “You mean places like the camping site and BoJoe’s?” “No,” I said, drawing out the word. “I don’t mean places we had sex. I mean the movie theatre, the park, the restaurants, the hiking trails.”

He threw the sheets off himself and very slowly pulled his bottoms on. Very, very slowly. Like, we’re talking absolute minimum speed here…freakin’ glacial. “Well, we could have sex there too if you’d like.” I screamed dramatically and stormed out of the room. As I pushed through the door, I heard him lightheartedly call out, “Oh, come on! It was a joke!” On the bright side, we did hang out in the park for the rest of the dream. And since it was a public place, we lay out in the sun and he kept his hands to himself – mostly. He did try to wrap around me a bit while teaching me to bump and kick around the soccer ball. FYI – I suck at soccer. I just trip all over myself. The following evening my dream took me to the town square. I spun around, expecting Chance to be there like always, but was totally surprised when it was just me and a bunch of dream walkers hurrying about my make-believe world. I shrugged and began window shopping down Main

Avenue. I had already passed the fancy pet boutique, the scrapbooking place and was now gazing into a chic clothing boutique when I saw Chance’s reflection come to rest behind me. His arms wrapped around my stomach and he swayed me as he gently kissed my temple. There was something different about his reflection and I turned with curiosity. Sure enough, the comfortable t-shirt and cargo shorts I was used to seeing had been replaced with a sensible pair of slacks and a nice button-down shirt. Drool. Who knew that this sweaty soccer boy with tousled hair and baseball cap could clean up so nicely! I exaggerated my smile as I looked him up and down with pleasure. “Wow. Wherever we’re going, I think I’m a little underdressed to be your date.” “What are you talking about? You look great.” I looked back down at my apparel, and sure enough, I was now wearing a short burgundy strapless dress that had a black sash cinched tightly underneath my chest and super cute black heels.

“See?” He leaned in and brushed his lips against my ear. “Beautiful.” My heart warmed and melted right there on the spot. He took my hand and led me around the next corner and through a black iron gate covered with privacy panels. I gasped. Inside the gate was a small patio area filled with flowering vines that traced up the walls and wrapped around the wooden lattice up above us. Twinkling lights were twisted through and were the only source of light besides the candle on the table for two: a black bistro set with plump velvet cushions. Soft music sang from the speaker in the corner and a door led off to the adjoining restaurant. By the smell of it, Italian. I sighed contentedly. “This is pretty.” He murmured his agreement and I asked, “Let me guess. You know the owner?” “Nope. Just requested the best private table they had. Did I do good?” I wrapped myself into his chest and whispered, “Beyond good. This is perfect.” We spent hours there, the first just swaying in each

other’s arms to the music, the second devouring the divine meal that our waiter brought us, including the tiramisu we fed each other, and then the last playfully dancing and indulging our lips with sweet, flirty kisses. Near the end, I found myself atop his lap in that metal bistro chair enjoying the shivers he created wherever his touch came into contact with my skin. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back as his kisses climbed up my neck. When I reopened them, the twinkly lights that were blinking like the stars above us were gone, and I was now sitting atop his lap on our familiar bed, with flickering candle lights on the table beside us. His kisses reversed and went down my neck as if he didn’t even notice the change in location. The zipper on my back released the snug hold the fabric had around my abdomen and I let out a light huff. His lips curled deliciously and went to nibble my ear as he whispered, “Do you want me to zip you back up?” By the way he bit passionately into my neck – my hot, will-turn-me-on-without-a-doubt, zone – he clearly wanted me to bend to his will. And my insides were screaming at me to let

him do whatever he wanted. So I didn’t even object when I felt the silk travel north of my body. As I lay there later, I could feel myself once again on the brink of sleep, where I knew he would fade away and the rest of the night would be dreamless. I was almost gone when he kissed his way up from my shoulder to my neck, but the words he whispered into my ear startled me back awake. “I love you.” Since he was spooning me, he didn’t see my eyes shoot open. I was at a loss of what to do or say in that moment. He continued to nibble at my body, which I had managed to keep still even as he shocked me with those words, so I wasn’t even sure if he knew I was awake or not. My heart revved up and I could feel panic flush through my body in waves. Love? What? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I supposed love was possible in a dream world, I had just never thought about it. The same way I had never really thought about the relationship we had in here. My real relationship was out in the real world with Robert. Right?

So why did my heart melt and flutter a bit when my dream guy whispered those words in my ear a second time?

When Christmas vacation ended and January rolled in, I practically flung myself into Robert’s waiting arms. We didn’t even care that the common room was filled beyond capacity and that every single pair of eyes were probably watching us grope our ‘hello, welcome back’. Three weeks was way too long to be without his lips and we were quick to sneak upstairs and refamiliarize ourselves – which Sophie and Jhett were more than willing to do back in our bedroom. “You know, I’m glad you spent all those summers here, because now that I’ll have to spend most of my weekends traveling for swim meets, I want more of our evenings to be spent like this.” My lips pressed back into his and murmured an

agreement. Who knew all those summers taking classes just to get out of living in group homes would be so beneficial in the end? I was actually just a few classes shy of graduating and technically didn’t have to take electives to fill the rest of my day. Instead, I chose to add on several study hall periods, which was basically the academy throwing me into the classroom where a teacher had the period off. It was perfect. I could spend half my day working on college and scholarship applications and also getting my homework out of the way. Which was gonna allow me some time to volunteer at the hospital like Sophie suggested. I took the bus into town the second week of January – to Robert’s dismay. He wanted to drive me but I wouldn’t let him since he still needed his afternoons for homework, and driving me to and from both times would cut an hour and a half out of his day. He lightened up again when I reminded him he’d get his homework done a lot quicker without me there and then our evenings would be completely free for one another. The bus I took dropped me off at the street in front of the hospital and I bolted through the slush before my body could freeze anymore. What the hell was I thinking volunteering while

the snowstorms were still coming down every week and dumping endless piles of snow on the ground? I stomped the snow from my boots and shook the damp flakes free from my hair as I crossed the threshold into the building. I headed toward the ward I was housed in during my stay and looked for Margaret, the nurse that agreed to take me on. I vaguely remembered her from my stay here. She was the head nurse in this ward and I could recall her popping in occasionally to take my vitals and change out my IV drips. Margaret was sitting behind the counter at the nurses’ station recording something in a patient’s binder. She was an older woman, probably in her late forties, with brown eyes, light skin and streaks of gray beginning to fill in the black hair that fell to her shoulders. When I got to the counter she looked up and smiled when she recognized me, and pushed her reading glasses on top of her head. “Miss Jenna Baker. Glad to see you’re doing so well. No more jumps, I hope?” “Nah, but the pond’s frozen this time of year, so let’s give it some time to thaw back out.”

She laughed and reached for some paperwork behind her. “You’ll need to read and sign some confidentiality agreements and then we can get started.” Why did they have to use all that legal jargon on those forms? If they wanted me to agree to something, shouldn’t they just write the agreement in dumber words so I’ll know exactly what the hell it was they were asking of me? Whatever. I just signed. Margaret said she was desperate for someone to help her out with entering the data from the patient files into the computer system so she could go through and approve it afterwards. The other nurses were just as busy as she was, so I spent the majority of my time doing this for her. A lot of time, in fact. Mid-February rolled around before I got to come out from behind the computer and breathe the…smelly disinfectant, germ-filled air. Lovely. That’s when she sent me to work the information desk in the front lobby, but even that was short lived once Margaret’s ward got slammed and she needed me again for data entry. It was nothing exciting but I liked the people there and I now

understood how Sophie found it so easy to become friendly with the staff.

Towards the end of February, Chance took me to the Vermont State Fair. I’d never been in real life, so it was interesting to see it through his eyes. Smelly petting zoos were never my thing and carnival rides that jerked and jiggled violently just made my stomach jump into my throat and made me sick, but having his fingers entwined around mine made it all seem bearable. His favorite part was obviously the demolition derby. Seriously, I just didn’t get the point of thirty cars racing around intentionally trying to destroy one another just to be the last car running, but I had honestly never seen Chance so freakin’ excited before. He didn’t get why I kept watching him instead of the crashing cars. Sorry, but I actually found the most entertaining part of the fair to be watching him watch the derby. I don’t think I’ve ever held a smile so long. And when our trip to the fair was over, he took me back to our spot in the woods so we could camp beneath the twinkling stars for the night. As I lay there with him asleep by

my side, I kept my eyes on the serenity of the night sky, still feeling this weird sense of déjà vu. Since the first night Chance told me he loved me, he had followed it up with a few more instances, but always when he thought I was sleeping. I began to wonder if he found it difficult to admit it when I was awake. Hell, I could understand that, and I was a little grateful they had all come out that way so far. I wasn’t sure or not if what I felt for him was love. I’d never been in love before. Truthfully, I’d never even had family members to love. And when I thought about the possibility of it being love, my insides twisted and knotted and this heavy suffocation sat down on my chest, making it harder for me to breathe. And then I thought about Robert, and how my body did the same thing when trying to determine if what I felt for him was love too.

My hand traced its way to Robert’s hair and my fingers softly combed through his waves. His hand traced down my side, and when it paused to go back up, his hand slipped under my cotton shirt. My smile extended so far I had to pause my kisses, and my hand went down to pull his out. “Down boy,” I joked, and resumed kissing him. Another minute later he tried it again and got his hand all the way to my breast before I caught him. I rolled on top of him, pinning him on his back and sat up on his lap. “You need to behave,” I teased. He smiled and cradled the back of his head with his hands. “In all fairness, I think I’ve behaved quite well these past five months.” “And you think it’s time to be rewarded for that good behavior?” “I’m just saying, even the incarcerated earn conjugal visits.” I cried out laughing. “Wow. I can’t believe you just went there.”

He shrugged. “We’re going to have to talk about it eventually.” He playfully thrust his hips upward, lifting me with him. “Alright.” I brought my face down to his. “I’m willing to discuss the terms of your parole, but for now, I’ve gotta get going.” I quickly pecked him on the lips and tried to pull myself out of reach before he released his hands, but he managed to snag my hand before it cleared. “Wait! What?” “I’m going to the hospital today,” I said, leaning my body away, trying to pull free. “You’ve got to be kidding me. This is the only weekend this month that I don’t have a swim meet to travel to.” Chuckling, I cried, “I’m sorry.” I pulled even harder and broke loose from his grip, but I fell backwards onto the floor. He slowly stalked towards me, his smile filled with desire and I pointed my hand at him. “Don’t. Behave!” “Don’t behave? I accept your terms of parole.”

“That’s not what I meant!” But when my smile broke through, he knew I was lying. He reached out and jerked me into his arms. When he started kissing hard into my neck I knew I was done for. I let him back me into the wall and he pressed his abdomen flush against mine. “Seriously,” I said breathlessly, “I’m going to the hospital today.” “That’s the nice thing about volunteering,” he mumbled between love bites, “you’re not required to show up.” He deepened the kisses and roughly traveled the line of my jaw and down my neck to my collar bone. An explosion went off inside me and my lower back arched so far forward I literally felt every part of him pressing into me. His hand reached behind the base of my spine and he pulled to extend my arch even farther. A long, embarrassing moan escaped my mouth. When his other hand graced my stomach and slipped up my shirt, I didn’t stop him from his intended destination this time. And even I was surprised when I hitched my leg over his hip and grabbed his head with both hands to bring his lips to mine. His

hand abandoned my back and slid down to rub my lifted thigh. There was a jingle in the door and it took us a second to process the noise. “Shit!” I quickly forced my leg to the floor and pulled his hand out of my shirt but Jhett still caught me doing it. “Oh, crap,” he said, his mouth still hanging open. “I can come back later.” “No!” I practically shouted. “Nope. I’ve gotta get going.” I pushed on Robert’s chest and he obediently backed away. I avoided his gaze and rushed for the door, trying hard not to notice Jhett cocking his eyebrows at me in amusement. “Sorry, man,” I heard him say, and then I heard the thump of a pillow hitting something as I rounded the hallway and bolted for the stairs. I rushed the entire way back to my dorm and burst through the door so fast that Sophie almost fell off the edge of her bed in fright. Her hand to her heart, she blurted, “Are you okay? You

look flustered.” “I think I almost had sex with Robert,” I said, heading straight for my chest of drawers. Sophie bounced up and down, clapping her hands and squealing her delight. “Oh-my-God-what-happened?!” “Your boyfriend walked in on us,” I cried, frantically waving a fresh pair of much-needed panties in the air. “That’s what happened.” She gasped and her hands covered her mouth. “I am so sorry! We just got back from lunch cause you wanted me to take you to the hospital. We split in the parking lot.” It was really hard to understand that clearly with all the giggles coming out. I sat down on my bed and buried my face in my hands…and my panties. “Oh, God. I am so mortified.” “Why?” Sophie asked carefully. “How much did he see?” “Less than he did that night at the pond. But still. Awkward.”

“Soooo…” Sophie remarked, releasing a small cackle, “you gonna let Robert do the nasty to you or just let Chance finish the job again?” I pitched a pillow at her head but it sailed to the left. Dang. I never was good at aiming.

The hospital was a welcomed relief after the day’s humiliation. Usually there was enough work to stay busy and keep my thoughts from weighing down my mind. Hopefully, today wouldn’t be any different. “Hey, Margaret,” I sang, leaning over the counter at the nurses’ station. “Jenna, good to see you,” she said, smiling as she looked up from the chart she was writing in. “So what do you have for me today?” “Would you believe practically nothing? It’s been so slow around here the past few days that we’re basically all

caught up.” God, please don’t send me home to deal with my almost sex-capade with Robert! Not yet! “There’s gotta be something I can do for you guys around here.” “Well, I can think of one thing but you might consider it a little weird.” I huffed a little. Weird was still better than going home to face awkward. “Hit me,” I said. “I’ve got a patient you could try talking to over in 34B. I mean to spend a little time each day talking to him but even on days like today, I just don’t seem to get to it.” “What’s wrong with him?” I asked cautiously. There’s gotta be something wrong with him if no one comes to visit him. “He’s in a coma from a car accident.” I just stared at her. Seriously? “You want me to talk to a coma patient? Can he even hear me?” “I like to think so, but no one knows for sure. This

patient actually has really good active brain waves. He just hasn’t woken up for some reason.” Guess she was right. I did consider this a little weird. “Well, what am I supposed to talk to him about?” “I’m sure you can come up with something, Jenna. You’re the same age so I’m sure anything you say will be more relatable to him than anything I can come up with.” Uh..teenage boy topics like sports and cars and video games were not my specialty. Robert learned right away not to bother. “Oh!” exclaimed Margaret. “I know something you have in common.” She reached behind her and pulled a large binder labeled Evan Gilden. She flipped it for a few pages, scanning the paperwork with her finger. “Yep! I’m not crazy. You and Evan were both admitted into the ICU on the same night. And you both died and came back to life at the same time in the field.” “What?!” I blurted, completely flabbergasted. What were the odds in that happening? Ever!

“Yeah. I remember all this now, because I noticed it when you were both admitted to my ward. You were still under water drowning when that girlfriend of yours called 9-1-1, and her time of 7:37 PM was recorded in your file. Evan was in a car accident and died on the scene as paramedics were working on him at 7:38 PM. And if I’m recalling correctly, you were both brought back to life about three minutes later.” “That’s just freakin’ crazy.” Margaret wiggled her forehead up and down a few times. “That got your fancy yet? Do you want to meet him?” “I don’t really consider it meeting, but yeah, I’ll go check him out. 34B, right?” “Yes, ma’am.” I rounded the corner of the nurses’ station and traveled the hall until I came upon room thirty-four. The first bed was empty, and the second, bed B, was hidden behind the pull curtain. Unsure if a family member was behind it, I called out quietly, “Hello?” When no one answered, I confidently stepped to the other side and looked to the bed’s occupant.

“Chance!” I cried. I threw my hands to my mouth and stumbled backwards, tripping over a chair and nearly falling over it. No, no, no, NO! No freakin’ way! My body went into full blown panic mode. My heart spit out three beats for every one, my body began to sweat and feel all clammy, and my lungs expanded and shot out the air so fast I was practically hyperventilating. My head rocked back and forth as I looked at the familiar face that lay awkwardly on the pillow. There was no way this was Chance. The names don’t even match. Sure he looked exactly like Chance but there was absolutely no way, no how, some coma boy who’s probably not even hanging out in his own head would be circulating around in mine! Right?! But he totally…gasp. Freakin’…gasp.

Looked like him though. He was a little paler than I was used to, and his muscles weren’t as defined after being in a coma for God knows how long, and his hair seemed duller, like it had lost all its shine. But this was him. Well, not him. But him. As exact in appearance as I think one could get. My hands trembled as I forced them away from my mouth and my lips were left to quiver on their own. I slowly inched closer to the head of the bed. I fearfully reached up to open one of his eyelids, pulling my hand back several times, like he was a snake that was gonna hiss and snap at me. I gasped and let go quickly once I got it opened. Evan, too, had moss green eyes speckled with gold around the iris. “This is just creepy,” I muttered aloud for some reason. “Right?” answered Margaret, who suddenly pulled aside the curtain that was shielding me. I jumped a little but tried

desperately to hide the anxiety ripping me apart on the inside at the moment. I couldn’t understand how she didn’t notice that my heart was bursting and thrusting my chest out so vehemently. “Jenna, Evan. Evan, this is Jenna.” It was weird how she introduced us, like he could actually see and interact with us. She began reading and recording the machines that were hooked up to him and traded his IV pouch out for a new one. I used that time to steady my heart, my breath, my panic. I licked the lips my aggressive breathing had dried out. Very carefully, I tried my hardest to smooth my words out. “Margaret, is Evan going to wake up? What’s keeping him under?” “Doctor doesn’t know. Like I said before, other than being in a coma for some reason, we can’t find anything wrong with him. Dr. Reynolds is confident there’s still a really good chance he’ll come around again. He tells the family that again and again when they come by to visit him.” “That there’s a chance he’ll wake up? That’s what he always says?” She looked at me curiously for a second, but swept it

aside rather quickly. “Yeah, that’s what I said he says.” “And you believe Evan can hear you?” “I do, but Dr. Reynolds doesn’t. So if you see him, don’t mention it.” She gathered her chart and smiled as she left. “Toodleloo.” I pulled the chair up to the bed and collapsed so my weakened legs wouldn’t have to bear the weight of my body any longer. I just watched him for a minute, with my hands buried in my lap and my fingernails digging in deep inside my palms. Slowly – very slowly – I found the courage to reach out my shaky hand and grab a hold of his. Oddly enough, it was as warm as I remembered from the dreams, and it felt familiar when I entwined my fingers with his. I shook my head in disbelief, mocking myself. I couldn’t believe I was about to do this. Seriously. I was gonna talk to a coma boy. As if there’d be any chance he had something to do with my dreams.

Stupid. I took a deep breath and said quietly, “I don’t know if you recognize my voice but I think there may be a chance we’ve met before.” I huffed. “Chance. There’s that word again. The one I think you hear quite a bit around your bedside. And I’m thinking you’ve latched onto that word more than the others. “But if I really think that, then I have to believe that you actually are the Chance in my dreams and not just some figment of my imagination. And if it is you…what does that even mean? Do I need to get my head scanned again? Or am I just off my rocker? Booby hatch material?” I bent his arm up and brought his knuckles to my cheek. They were rough and dried out, every crease highlighted white with dead skin cells. “You know what really scares me?” I asked, my heart sinking in my chest now, smothered heavily with depression. “Let’s just say that in this one in a trillion chance–” I paused and rolled my eyes at saying that word again, “that you’re the guy in my dreams. It means that you’re really real. And that all the times I’ve been with you, I’ve been cheating on my boyfriend.

Like really cheating. Cause let’s face it, I pretty much let you have your way with me in there. I have no regard for right or wrong. I mean, why would I? There aren’t any consequences in there. No one to judge me for what I do. Seriously, I’ve never let Robert get away with anything like that out here. Most of the time I’m too scared to let him touch me that way.” I reached out and stroked his cheek. “So please. Wake up and tell me that you’re not Chance, that I don’t have a head injury and that I don’t need anti-psychotics. And that I haven’t really been the absolute worst girlfriend ever to Robert.” I went home early that night, telling Margaret I wasn’t feeling well. That wasn’t a lie. Ever since I’d sat down with Chance and just let my words flow like water, I felt absolutely miserable. I wanted to check in with Sophie, just to make sure she didn’t bother to pick me up later. Of course Jhett was in our room, but I was so numb right now I didn’t even care that I was utterly humiliated earlier that day. God, had it really only been a few hours? Seemed like days now. “You’re back!” Sophie said, all shocked when I walked

in. Thank God they were clothed. “Yeah.” I put on my best sick face (wasn’t too hard to fake at that particular moment) and said, “I don’t feel that well. Think I’m just gonna take a nap. Do you guys mind?” Jhett scrunched his nose. “Did you catch something at the hospital?” “I don’t know. Maybe.” Sophie pulled Jhett to his feet and led him to the door. “Feel better.” I gave her a weak smile and locked the door behind them. If there was a God up there that was on my side, he’d have them relay that message to Robert and he’d leave me alone for the night. I didn’t really wanna sleep. My insides had been eating me up since I realized what a crappy-ass girlfriend I’d been to one of the nicest guys ever. Even if it was all just a dream, meeting Evan really brought to light what a crappy thing it was to imagine myself in the arms of another man every night. God I suck.

I really wanted nothing more than to soak in a long, hot bath. I would’ve loved to have gone to the hot tub at the gym’s fitness center, but I was pretty sure it’d be full of people on a Saturday night with a temperature outside in the thirties. So I opted for the awkward bowl they had the nerve to call a tub in my bathroom. Seriously, I’m willing to bet the school got a big, fat discount just so the manufacturer could unload such a crappy product that never sold on the real market. I filled the bowl with hot water and lit a few candles just so I didn’t have to stare up at that obnoxious fluorescent light that had a habit of making my skin look sickly and washed out. I snatched some of Sophie’s bath salts that she never used (cause who the hell would want to take a bath in this thing?) and sank my body as best I could (which wasn’t much). A few minutes later I heard a knock at the door and groaned automatically. I knew exactly who that was. It was just like him to come check on me and see if I was alright. Damn my stubborn ass for not letting him get me that cell phone. It was hard to be mad at him for doing something so nice, but I was in such a crappy mood right now, I saw fault in everything. Why did he have to be so nice to me? I didn’t deserve it. I’m a [insert

expletive here] (any will do, as they all describe me now). I heard him call my name through the door and I just lay there quietly, ignoring him. He tried the door knob and when he couldn’t get through, he called my name out again. In another minute he’d think I was asleep and go away. I released a deep breath and covered my eyes with a hot, wet wash rag. Dang, I should have turned on some music… Despite not being in the mood for a nap, my mouth kept yawning. At least there was no way I could drown in this sorryass tub, but if I fell asleep in here, I’d really regret it when I woke up. I’d have a crick in my neck and a hunch in my back all week. After a few minutes, I realized the torment and aggravation wasn’t worth it. I yanked the rag from my face and practically jumped two feet when I saw Chance next to me, his head resting on the edge of the tub watching me. And I was no longer soaking in that horrible tub, but a deluxe jet spa model deep enough for two. “Oh, crap,” I whined, and sank back down. I am asleep in that wretched bowl.

“What?” he asked, and he dipped his hand into the tub and traced the length of my thigh. Any other day before today and I would’ve let him act on the internal tickle I was feeling from that. But I couldn’t let him do that anymore. “Could you please stop?” “Stop what?” he teased, and continued his antics. I reached down, grabbed his hand and threw it out of the tub. Appalled, his eyes widened. “Wow. Bad day?” I grabbed the hot rag next to me and covered my eyes again. “You have no idea.” “You know, I’m pretty sure I can help you unwind a bit.” His arms were suddenly rubbing the knots out of my shoulders, and I could feel a moan build within me and my restraint weaken a bit. “Fine. You can massage my shoulders, but stay north of the water. You’re not allowed down south tonight.” He let out a small laugh but obliged my request. After a

few minutes of having my muscles rubbed down, the tension was relenting and I began to feel bad for snapping at him. I didn’t know why he was here or how he got here inside my dreams, but I truly didn’t believe he did it on purpose. “Chance?” He murmured, “Mmm-hmm.” “Have you ever been in a car accident before?” “No. Why?” “No reason,” I said. “Does the name Evan mean anything to you?” He paused, which piqued my curiosity. But I sighed with disappointment when he replied, “No, not really.” “And you don’t have a brother right? Just a sister?” “Just a sister.” “What about the last name Gilden?” “That’s my family name. But you knew that already.”

Actually, I didn’t. But now I really wished I had asked him that before today. At this point my brain already knew this information, and anything my imagination created would know this too. I needed to ask him something I didn’t know yet. Something I could verify at the hospital. Something that would confirm whether he was Evan or not. Oh my God. Am I seriously giving this ludicrous idea validity? Jeesh. I was walking willingly toward the straight jacket. “So when’s your birthday?” I tried to ask casually. “March twentieth.” “Oh, so you’re coming up?” I pulled the rag off my eyes and bent my head back to see him better. “We’ll have to do something to celebrate.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead. The flickering candle light next to us actually made the random gold spots in his eyes light up interchangeably. “I’d like that.” He dipped and squeezed my rag and placed it over my eyes again. “But for now, keep soaking. You’ve got a lot of tension in your body.” He

leaned down and the vibrations of his whisper tickled my ear. “And you won’t let me down there to help you release some of it.” I lifted a half-smile and said, “You’re right, I won’t, but the soaking doesn’t seem to be helping me anyway.” I reached up and pulled the rag but Chance was gone. And so was the nice oversized tub. A monstrous crick in my spine reminded me I was still cramped in the awkward bowl of a tub in my dorm, and I painfully maneuvered my way out of it. At least one thing came from that painful nap. I learned something that could clarify if I had an overactive imagination, or if some random coma boy had found an impossible way to slip into my dreams every night.

I woke up early the next morning feeling refreshed and luckily, free of that horrible neck pain. For the first time ever, Chance didn’t come to spend the night with me. Guess he picked up my

‘get lost’ hint from my nap after all. I slipped out of the room before Sophie awoke and headed down for an early breakfast. Robert would still be swimming, like he did every morning, so I didn’t have to worry about running into him in the cafeteria. On Mondays, I would usually catch Sophie in the hall between second and third and again for lunch, but I took an alternate route and went to the library for lunch. She was only gonna drool over what happened with me and Robert and the almost sex-capade, and I just didn’t want to think about anything Robert-related right now. And I couldn’t tell her why. After school, I hopped straight on the bus that would take me to the hospital and breathed a deep sigh of relief. I had made it through the entire day without running into anyone. And no one would expect me to go to the hospital today cause it wasn’t a normal volunteer day for me. As I departed the bus and entered the hospital’s lobby, I snatched an abandoned paper off a bench and headed down the familiar hall that would lead me to my old ward. I didn’t see Margaret at the nurses’ station but I did see Michelle, another nurse that took care of me last fall. Her eyes popped with curiosity when I neared.

“Jenna, we weren’t expecting you today,” she said cheerfully. “Yeah, I know. Is Margaret around?” “She doesn’t come on till four.” That left me about an hour until she came. “Alright. I’ll just go hang out at 34B until then.” Michelle shook her head and said, “Bless her heart. She’s always trying to get one of us to go talk to that poor kid. Glad you’re willing to do it. It’ll get her off asking us today.” “You’re welcome, then. Will you let her know I’m here when she comes in?” “Sure thing.” I found myself taking several deep breaths as I crossed the room to Chance’s, er, Evan’s, bed. He looked the same as he did yesterday; still pale, but serene. “Hey,” I said, stroking his cheek and running my fingers

through his hair. “Still haven’t come around, huh? You know you’d be doing me a huge favor if you would. Then if you were still in my dreams afterwards, I’d know for sure I was just imagining this nightmare.” I whipped open the newspaper and flipped until I found the sports section. “So who do you like? I know you like soccer, but how do you feel about basketball?” I casually read him stories from the paper, trying not to utterly bore us both. About an hour and a half later, I heard footsteps traveling towards us and folded down the newspaper to confirm it was Margaret. I smiled warmly at her as she pulled the curtain aside. “See, it’s refreshing to just talk to someone and not have them talk back, isn’t it?” “I don’t know,” I jested. “Boys in general seem to keep their mouths shut conversation-wise, so this is kinda like talking with my boyfriend.” She hooted and hollered over that as she began recording his vitals in the binder she was holding. “I just hope he can hear me, cause otherwise I’m reading these boring sports stories for nothing.” “If anything, I’d think he’d find it comforting to have

someone sitting beside him.” “Yeah.” I inhaled a deep breath through my nose, summoning the courage I was about to need. “So what’s his birthday? I wanna read him his horoscope. Personally, I think he’s a Libra.” “Oh, yeah? Why’s that?” “He just looks like a flirt. I mean, look at me. Two days and he’s already got me eating out of his hands reading this crap.” Margaret chuckled and flipped through her binder. I think my heart quit beating – too afraid the loud thump would cover up her voice as she answered. “Uh…March twentieth.” I gasped silently, my chest heaving and expanding to maximum capacity, and my eyes bugged out. Thank God she didn’t look up right away to see that. My heart sped up triplespeed and I felt red and flustered. “What’s that make him?” I gratefully buried my head behind the wall of

newspaper sheets. It was difficult to calm the shaking in my body and smooth out my voice. “Pisces. Compassionate, romantic and imaginative.” “Oh, well that’s much better than flirt. I’ll catch up with you later.” “Okay,” I mumbled, and listened as she walked away from his bedside and left to continue her rounds elsewhere. I dropped the paper on the bed and just sat there. Immobile. Dumbfounded. Scared. I was ready to hear something completely different. I hadn’t let myself believe or really fixate on this yet, cause there was only a one in three hundred and sixty-five chance he would have the same birthday. I thought no way. I thought I was making this all up in my head, and that

the physical description of the man that kept me safe and warm each night was just spot-on accurate to the physical body that lay before me. I mean, we’ve all got twins out there somewhere, right? I sluggishly picked up the phone on the bedside table and numbly dialed one of the only two numbers I’d ever bothered to memorize. Sophie picked up on the second ring. “Hello?” “Soph?” “Jenna! Where are you? You’ve been AWOL all day. I even checked to see if you landed in the nurse’s office.” “Sorry. I’m up at the hospital. Do you think you could come meet me in my old ward? In 34B?” “OH-MY-GOD!” she burst. “Are you back in the hospital?!” “What? No! I’m just volunteering.” I heard her mumble a curse on the other end. “Jesus,

Jenna! Don’t do that.” She breathed a sigh of relief and I’m sure she was shaking her head in annoyance. “So can you come?” “Yeah, sure. I’ll be right there.” “And Soph?” “Yeah?” “Just you, okay?” I definitely didn’t need Robert convincing her to let him pick me up. “Yeah, alright.” I hung up the phone, pulled my feet into the chair with me and just rocked my body back and forth for a bit. So what did I know so far? I grabbed a pen and notepad from the table’s drawer and made a list. 1.

Chance and I died on the same day at the exact same time

2.

Chance appeared in my dreams the day after my meds ran out (I just remembered this. He appeared to me the

night before my first date with Robert) 3.

Chance and Evan are identical in physical appearance

4.

Chance and Evan share the same last name

5.

Chance and Evan share the same birthday

I obsessed over these points for half an hour, trying to come up with an alternative to the crazy idea that Chance and Evan were one in the same. When Sophie arrived, I felt even more scared. To admit this was social suicide – paddy wagonworthy. She lifted her eyes with interest when she scanned Evan’s unconscious body. “Cute. Who’s he?” I resumed rocking my body in the chair. “Chance. This is the guy I’ve been dreaming about every night.” Her eyes narrowed and she scanned him again. I was surprised when all she said was, “Well, he’s cute and all, but still not as hot as that Supernatural guy.” I groaned and rubbed my brow bones hard with the

heels of my hands. “Sophie, no. This is the guy that’s been in my dreams every night. A guy that apparently died and came back to life the same time I did, and has come to see me every night since.” There it was. The scrunched-up, what-the-fuck face I knew was coming my way. I threw the notepad from my lap at her and she reluctantly took her eyes off me long enough to read it. “So what do you think?” I asked, nervous cause her face wasn’t changing from that horribly critical expression. She huffed. “I think it’s time to get a head scan.” My face soured and I dishearteningly replied, “I had a follow-up scan after Christmas. Nothing.” “Yeah, well, maybe they’ll see something now.” Annoyed, I said, “Soph, forget the head scan. I may be guilty of an overactive imagination but there’s nothing physically wrong with my head.” “Soooo, let me see if I’ve got this right. You think that

this guy here,” she waved her hand over Evan’s body, “can somehow travel to your head every night just to please you six ways from Sunday? Seriously?” I buried my head in my lap and tried to muffle my scream of annoyance. “Jenna, we’ve had this conversation before. The dreams aren’t real. You’re probably just feeling guilty cause you’re ready to give yourself sexually to Robert and you feel bad cause you’ve been screwing some random guy in your head every night.” “Not random,” I muttered, and rested my chin over my knees. “Yeah, I know,” she mocked rudely. “Evan here. I mean, their names don’t even match. That’s your first clue right there that this is all in your head.” “They’re identical, Sophie!” I snapped. “So you saw the guy before! You were both in the same ward at the same time! You were probably rolled past him in the hall while you were going in and out of consciousness!”

“I questioned it too. So last night I asked him what his birthday was. They match, Sophie!” “Well, kudos for you,” she scoffed. “You’ve got a little ESP in you. It’s not enough, okay? Trust me, the two of you are not sharing some type of brain frequency.” I huffed and buried my head in my knees again, on the verge of crying. I heard her rip the page off the notepad and crumple it up. “Do not self-destruct on me Jenna. You’ve got a good thing going with Robert and I won’t let you flip out and ruin it.” She whacked me in the back of the head with the notepad, and when I looked up at her, she was pointing at me. “You’re gonna go to bed tonight and you’re gonna kick that Chance out of your head already. And if that doesn’t work, I’m gonna order your old meds off the internet, cause those seemed effective at keeping him out.” She rounded the bed, tossed the paper in the trash and motioned for me to follow her. “No, they just kept me from dreaming.” “Perfect! A little less dreamin’ will do you some good.

Now come on. Step away from the coma boy cause my Beetle is now pulling out of Looneyville station.” We didn’t speak the entire way home. When we got back to school I buried myself under my bed covers, completely numb, and drowned out the world using Sophie’s mp3 player. I’m not sure how long I lay there, but eventually someone rubbed my arm and brought me back to life. It was Sophie, and I pulled the headphones from my ears. “Robert’s at the door. I told him you’ve been sick and sleeping all your spare time away and that’s why he hasn’t seen you. But you need to tell him this yourself so he doesn’t get all pissed off at you. Luckily you look like death at the moment so this whole sick thing might actually fly.” I slowly dragged myself out of bed, wrapped the blanket around me and opened the door. His eyes widened when he took in what I was sure was the most disgusting version of me he’d ever seen. “Jeesh, Jenna.” When he reached out to caress my face and I saw the concern and warmth in his brown eyes, I felt ashamed all over again. “Do you need anything?”

I shook my head no and said, “Just give me a few days to let it pass, okay?” “Yeah, alright.” He leaned in and gently kissed my forehead. His lips lingered, and breathing in the familiar scent of citrus and lavender cologne, my guilt burst through the layer of numbness I’d created and rose to the surface once more. I pulled away and gave him a weak smile as I waved goodbye, then softly shut the door between us. I glanced in the mirror on my way back to bed and couldn’t even laugh at how horrible I looked. My skin was pasty and sallow and my eyes were red from some unavoidable crying, and my eye cavities almost looked sunken from the shadowed bags that now resided beneath them. My hair was a complete knotted nightmare and somewhat resembled Johnny Depp’s do in Edward Scissorhands. Yep…saw that one with Chance just last week. I fought hard to stop thinking, from wondering if that’d be the last movie I’d see with him. I plugged the headphones back in my ears and buried myself under the covers once more.

I awoke in the middle of the night when I rolled over and suddenly found myself atop Chance’s chest. The motion brought his tranquil body to life too, and he reached out and wrapped his arm around me. “How long have you been here?” He shrugged and stroked my cheek softly. “Few hours maybe. You seemed so tired and I wasn’t sure if you were still in a bad mood, so I just wanted you to rest. Like last night.” My heart melted a little. No! No, my heart cannot melt from him anymore! I rolled my body out of his grasp and back to my side of the bed. “Still mad then?” “No. I’m not mad. I’m just…confused. And when I get confused, I tend to back away from things.” He rolled up against me and hitched his head up on his arm. “What are you confused about, sweetie?”

“You. Me. What the hell it is going on in here.” “What exactly confuses you about us?” he whispered in my ear. Then he began to nibble it, and I felt my strength begin to dissolve, like it always seemed to do in this fantasyland. I swear the air was filled with some type of drug-induced aphrodisiac. It was so hard to fight his advances when I liked the way his lips traveled down my neck the same time his hand worked its way up my shirt. And it didn’t help that my fingers plunged themselves deep into his hair no matter how many times I told them to stop. His nibbles paused just long enough to whisper that he loved me. “Do you really mean that?” I asked breathlessly. I felt a puff of air on my neck before he released a weak chuckle. “Do you really doubt that?” “No, it’s just…” He lips moved down to where his hand was and my back began to arch towards him, making it extremely difficult to keep my thoughts on track. “Stop. Please, stop,” I begged, but he didn’t take it seriously and my body continued to lightly spasm from the love bites. It took an insurmountable amount of strength to push on his chest as I

begged him again to stop. I inhaled a cleansing breath, hoping it would calm the fire burning wildly within. “I need to tell you something and you’re really not gonna like me for saying it.” He looked down on me with narrowing eyes. “How bad is this on a scale of one to ten?” “Bad.” He sat up, and silently waited as I pulled my shirt back down and followed him up. “I need you to promise me something first.” He groaned and stroked his eyebrows outward. “You’re gonna be mad and you’re gonna think I’m crazy, but when I’m done telling you all this, you have to promise that you’ll actually try to do what I ask.” His body stiffened, but after a moment he was able to give me a long, mellow, “O-kaaaaaay.” “First off, where do you go when you’re not with me?” Confused, he asked, “Is this a trick question? We’re

always together.” “No, we’re not. I go to school during the day. Sometimes I hang out with other people.” Like Robert. “I only see you at night. When I’m dreaming.” He huffed and rolled his eyes. “Jenna–” “Think about it! You just said that we’re always together. But Chance, you’re a senior in high school. When’s the last time you remember being in class? And your family? When’s the last time you sat down to dinner with them?” I could see him contemplating my words, but he still didn’t look like he was gonna believe me. “Don’t you see? You can’t be with me all the time. We’re not together all the time. And you’re not spending your time away from me at school or at home. So where do you go?” He took a deep breath and opened his mouth, but quickly closed it again. “So you’re saying I’m dreaming?” “Actually, I think we both are. Only I get up each day and live. You…” “What?” he asked. “I what?”

“You’re in the hospital. I’ve seen you. You’ve been in a coma for like five months. Your name isn’t even Chance, it’s Evan.” That did it. “Alright.” He jumped off the bed. “This is ludicrous. If you want to skip the sex, just tell me flat out. I wouldn’t ask you to do anything you didn’t want to.” I jumped off the bed too. “Would you stop? Please!” I grabbed him and he let me hold him firmly in place. “A part of me loves you too, and I love that we’ve had this time together. But it’s all just been a fantasy. And I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life in here.” “Yeah, alright,” he mocked. “So, I’m going to go for the night. Since you’re playing this off as a dream, I’m going to hit the stop button now and let us start fresh tomorrow.” He pried my hands from his shirt and turned towards the door. For the first time in my life, a surge rose within me and I pushed him hard from behind. “Don’t mock this!” He turned to face me and I slapped my hands into his chest. I didn’t

hurt him, but his eyes were widened by my brazen antics. “I’m serious! You have nowhere to go when I’m not here to guide the dream. You’re just this leech of a visitor that jumps in every night cause your soul or mind or whatever is drawn to mine for some reason. Like we’re connected.” I grabbed his collar and yanked him closer. “I don’t want you in here anymore. Do you hear me? I want you out of my dreams and you need to get back to reality.” I could feel the tears begin to well behind my eyes. “So, what? You don’t want to see me anymore unless I’m in the ‘real world’?” “Yeah, that’s right!” I snapped, furious at his use of air quotations. I didn’t have the courage to tell him that I only wanted Robert in the real world. But I let him assume, afraid he’d never try to leave otherwise. “Jenna, this is crazy and I’m going to stop this fight before it gets any worse.” “You can’t avoid this. The next dream will just pick up right where we left off. The dreams never reset.”

“Jenna, whatever. I’m leaving.” Once again he turned his back on me. “Stop!” I shouted, the tears beginning to flow and my throat constricting. “I’m giving you an ultimatum.” He paused and looked over his shoulder. “You’re giving an ultimatum? You?” He shook his head and added, “Don’t say anything you’ll regret tomorrow, Jenna.” I couldn’t believe I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I needed him to take this seriously and I was coming off as an emotional teenage girl. “You promised me when this began that you would do what I asked no matter how crazy you thought I was or how mad you got at me. So here’s what I want, and if you love me at all, you’ll do it.” He was clearly done with me at that point, but he forced himself to stand firm long enough to hear me out. “When you leave me tonight and walk out that door, I want you to pay attention to where you go. And when you

realize that you’re not actually waking up from this fantasyland, I want you to find your body and realize it’s lying somewhere in a hospital bed. And if you can’t accept what I’m saying right now and you can’t find a way to believe I’m telling the truth, then I don’t wanna ever see you in here again. Ever! You wanna ever speak to me again? Then you do it from your own damn body!”

I woke up with tears streaming down my face and my pillow completely saturated. If Sophie heard me, she let me be. And Chance didn’t return once I finally found my way back to sleep again. The next day was a normal volunteer day and I was nervous to see if he took my outburst to heart, but I was disheartened when I got there and Evan was still in a coma. Still, Chance didn’t come to me at night. Not Tuesday.

Not Wednesday. Not even Thursday. Nor did Evan wake up. I was beginning to convince myself that Sophie was right and I really had made it all up in my head, and that Chance really was gonna stay gone cause I’d finally learned to shut him out. But something inside me missed him. Missed us. And though my heart was more in favor of Robert, a part of me really did want Chance. And it hurt that I was sure I’d lost something I could never get back. I could almost feel the warmth of his skin pressed up behind me, his breath tickling the hairs on my neck. “Jenna,” I could hear him whisper in that smooth and sultry tone. My body melted as his hand traced the curves of my body and his lips nibbled my neck and ear. But the love bites felt real – too real. And I felt the heat of his breath when he whispered my name. I opened my eyes and turned to see Chance, his body pressed tight against my back. He leaned in close, and when I parted my lips he didn’t hesitate to press his upon mine. He’d never kissed me that passionately before. He gripped me tight and flattened his body

over mine, like he was afraid I’d disappear right out from underneath him if he didn’t hold me tight. “I’ve missed you,” I said breathlessly, squeezing the words in between kisses. He smiled. “Then you really don’t want me to beat it?” “That’s not what I meant,” I replied, gently pushing him off so we were facing one another on our sides. I brushed my fingers through his hair. “Where’ve you been?” He sighed and rolled onto his back. “Uh…I’ve been watching over my body.” I jerked upright, excitement taking over my actions. “You found yourself? Then you believe me?” He reached up to caress my cheek and I felt heat rise inside it. I could barely see the colors in his eyes but a tiny glint managed to reflect light from the dimness. “Yeah, I believe you. I didn’t at first. But when I realized I couldn’t get out of this world, I began to wonder why I wasn’t waking up. It didn’t take long to feel this pull that led me back to my body. But I couldn’t jump back in.”

“Why not? You can still wake up. I went to the hospital every day this week just to see if you’d done it, cause you certainly weren’t here anymore.” There was such distance in his eyes. Defeat, maybe. I tried not to succumb to the gentle swirl-like motions his fingertips were drawing on my cheek. “Why didn’t you try to jump back in?” “I was about to. But then something occurred to me.” He sat up beside me and grasped one side of my face. “What if I actually do wake up, but I don’t remember you?” I took his hand into mine and sighed, cause the thought had occurred to me too. “I know. But I still want you to go. This isn’t healthy for either one of us. Eventually, your body’s gonna deteriorate and I’d lose you anyways. This way, at least I’ll know you can go on with a real life.” “Will you come see me if I do this?” I nodded softly. “I wouldn’t abandon you like that.”

His eyes softened and his face fell, and I swear the shimmer in his eyes dimmed a little too. I swung my leg over his hips and sat myself snug on his lap. Both my hands grasped his shoulder blades and firmly traced his neckline all the way to his ears, where I caressed his jaw and brought my lips gently against his. His lips embraced mine and his hands reached around my waist and locked onto my back. “One more thing,” he said, pulling his lips out of reach, “Another reason why I was gone so long.” He paused, almost hesitant. “Any chance we both died…around the same time?” I swallowed hard. I never mentioned that detail once I learned it. I nodded my head, adding, “Within a minute of each other.” Surprisingly, he smiled and nodded his head at this. “How’d you know that?” “Well, I remembered something during our time apart. But you’re going to think I’m crazy when I tell you.” I threw him a tantalizing stare. “Seriously? Even crazier than having to tell you that you were a frequent flyer to my head

every night?” He rocked his head sideways as he debated. “Mine might require an even greater leap of fate.” “Alright,” I said, slumping down a bit. “Hit me.” “While I was wandering around in the void trying to find myself, I got this vision, maybe a memory, of us meeting before the dreams, but it was only for a moment. There was something…surreal about it. But you were ripped away from me. I guess because you were being brought back to life. I tried to follow you out but we were separated and I got lost. The next thing I knew, I was in the city park the day we met and I felt drawn to you. That same connection, I guess you can call it, that I felt every time you must have entered a dream state.” He watched me cautiously. Like he was ready for me to jump out of his lap and dismiss it. Sorta like what he did to me when I had to share my version of a crazy-ass story. I had to admit, it seemed as good as any other reason for why there seemed to be some kind of connection in our heads. Better in fact.

“I believe you. Mostly because you remembered that without knowing we both died and came back to life at the same time. It would mean our spirits made a connection that day. It’s funny that yours always comes to mine, like something about your state of unconsciousness is what allows your spirit to find mine when I’m asleep.” “That’s what makes me think it won’t again if I come out of the coma.” I grabbed his chin and looked directly into his sad puppy dog eyes. Firmly, I said, “Don’t even think about it. You’re not gonna live the rest of your life caged within my dreams just cause you’re afraid you won’t remember me. And it’s okay if you don’t. It doesn’t mean I’m just gonna forget about you.” “But I might forget about you,” he slowly reiterated. “But what if you don’t?” He leaned forward and kissed me eagerly, and his hands slipped behind me and pressed me in closer. God, I loved his touch. His warm, smooth lips. The

way his tongue lightly licked my skin. It wasn’t easy to pull myself away and shake my head at him – knowing this could be the last time his mouth ever graced my body. “Still saying no, huh? This could be our last chance to be together. If I don’t remember you–” “Then you won’t remember us ever having sex, let alone tonight,” I interrupted. “Besides, I will remember, and I don’t want our last time together to seem like a last moment of fear or desperation.” I reached up and stroked his face. His face softened where I touched him. “I’d rather remember my time with you just as it was before.” Quietly, he asked, “Can I at least stay the night?” I smiled and embraced him in a long hug. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Saturday was a normal volunteer day for me but I didn’t rush right over. I lay there in bed for most of the morning, staring up at the whimsical circular brushstrokes on the ceiling. Yeah, it was eating me up on whether or not the Chance in my head was really Evan, and if he would actually slip back into his body and wake up. So why hadn’t I gone yet? Straight up – fear. If he’s awake…then… Ugh! Why did I care so much? It’s just some random guy in my dreams! Sophie was right. I probably just caught a glance of him while slipping in and out of consciousness. Chance wasn’t real. He wasn’t Evan. And Evan wasn’t gonna suddenly be awake when I got there. I threw the covers off me, cleaned myself up for the day and grabbed the number seventeen bus that had the hospital on its route. As I neared the outside of room thirty-four, I heard a television playing some type of game show. My heart suddenly pumped double-time as I edged my head around the

door frame to peek in. Oh, come on! The curtain was drawn and I was forced to walk the depth of the room to find out if Evan was awake to watch that television. My feet barely progressed, like some invisible assailant was pushing against my body every time I tried to extend my step. My insides were twisting, somersaulting and tingling all at the same time. I heard someone clear their throat behind the curtain and every cell in my body froze in fear. Like that a-man-in-acreepy-white-mask-is-one-second-from-jumping-through-thecurtain-to-kill-me fear. No way, I told myself. Just, no freakin’ way. It’s not Evan. It’s a doctor, or a nurse, examining him. I inhaled one last breath and my hand trembled as it reached out to tug the curtain sideways. And there he was. The paler, weaker version of the man I saw most nights in my dreams. But the eyes. The gold that speckled the eyes between the mossy green part of the iris and the black pupil, glittered just

like they did on the livelier version I was used to. Evan’s bed was reclined at forty-five degrees and he was twiddling the remote in his hand. It took both of us a moment to do anything but stare, but our lips slowly managed to curl upwards. “Hi,” I said breathlessly. “Hi,” he replied softly. He just continued laying there and I just continued standing there, gazing at each other like a doe and a buck caught in the headlights. When he didn’t say anything else, my insides began to rip apart. He’s not gonna remember. I braced myself for the unavoidable truth and fearfully asked, “You don’t remember me, do you?” Curiously, he asked, “Do you work here?” My heart took on the weight of lead and my lungs deflated. He didn’t remember me. “No. I’m a volunteer. My name is Jenna.” “Do I know you from school?”

Disappointedly, I replied, “Uh, no. I go to Pennington Academy.” He let out a tiny huff, and despite the shock coursing through my body, it drew a smile cause I knew what he was thinking. “That doesn’t mean I’m automatically worth discounting. We’re not all…” “Hoity-toity?” he finished, a weak smile spreading across his face again. My eyes rolled slightly and he found it amusing. “Yeah. If it helps, you can pretend I’m a juvie offender or something.” “I like you Jenna. Even if you are one of those prep girls.” “Well you should like her,” Margaret said, entering the room and nearing Evan’s bed. “She’s been keeping you company this past week. Reading you Lord knows how many sport stories.” He looked back towards me with surprise. “Oh yeah? So who’s looking good to win March Madness?”

I bit down hard on my lip. “Uh… that’s hockey, right?” He chuckled and shook his head no. “Alright, I admit it. I only read from the paper once. The other days I read from a Harlequin romance novel.” His jaw fell all the way open. “Oh, God! Was that my punishment for not waking up? Margaret!” Laughing, she said, “Look at it this way, Evan. Maybe reading you that book is what got you to come out of the coma.” He playfully glared at me. “Yeah, cause I couldn’t take that crap anymore!” “Ah, see,” I said, “You’re welcome.” His forehead furrowed at me, but I knew that look all too well. Sure enough, I could tell he was suppressing a smile. Margaret pulled out a small tin can from her jacket and shook it. “Ah, man! I thought I was getting this thing removed.” “Relax, Evan. We’ll get you started on liquid food soon enough.”

He turned to me and said, “You don’t have to watch this. It’s disgusting.” “Stop being so dramatic. It’s just a feeding tube,” Margaret replied. “It’s alright. I’ve actually seen it done on other patients before.” When Margaret was done feeding and flushing the Jtube connected to his lower abdomen, she left us alone again. “So where’s your family? Did they stop by?” I asked. “Yeah, they did. Been here all morning, in fact. Couldn’t beat ‘em off with a stick even if I had the strength to. Luckily they left for lunch.” I just nodded my head. I had been kinda interested in seeing what they looked like. “So why did you ask me if I remembered you? Have we met before, cause I’m pretty sure I don’t remember you.”

Uh, we sorta screwed around in my dreams for five months. A lot. “Oh, I meant my voice. Since I had been reading to you all last week. I was curious to see if you recognized my voice.” “No, sorry.” “Evan?” I spun on my heels when I heard that come from a girl behind me. She was pretty. Really pretty. With long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, icy blue eyes and a toned body even I had to admit was pretty smokin’. “Melissa?” he said, trying to glance around me to confirm his suspicion. Melissa hurried through the room and to the other side of his bed. She practically threw herself on top of him and devoured every visible part of his body. I’m surprised he was able to breathe without choking on the massive amount of hair she just flipped over his face.

“OH-MY-GOD!” she burst, and I could tell the tears were probably saturating his neck. She mouthed a few more things, but with the tears and the frog that suddenly got stuck in her throat, the only part I thought I made out was ‘thought you were dead’. I had never even thought for one second that Chance might have a girlfriend in this life. What was I thinking? Of course he would. And I didn’t exactly know what to do about the PDA before me, but thank God my feet did. They quietly stepped back and slipped out of the room as she continued to choke him with her hair. Everything part of my body was numb – my head, my heart, even my fingertips. I wandered lifelessly until I found an unoccupied room and closed myself in it. Once my back hit the end wall, I gasped uncontrollably and slid down to the floor as the tears began to rain. I buried my head between my knees and allowed my body to heave up and down. God, I think I was okay at first, with him forgetting me. It meant I could move forward without any complications. But the moment I saw that freakin’ fake-baked bottle blonde receive my affection, my body just lost it! I wasn’t sure why, but I

seriously wanted to throttle her throat and smash her head into the wall a few of times just to de-beautify her a bit. I felt a little better once I screamed a few times into my knee. At least it made me want to snap off Barbie’s head a little less. A clean break was best, right? I mean, he’s out of my head and back in his body. We both knew it was a possibility he’d never remember me. So what if he had a bobble-head Barbie ready and waiting to blow him? I wasn’t really gonna choose him over Robert anyway, right? I kept thinking all along I wanted Robert, even if Chance woke up remembering who I was. So why was it really eating me up at this moment? Like I was wrong or something? Like I wanted to go back to Chance and make him remember everything we had so we could have it again? My insides wouldn’t stop twisting and a wave of nausea stuck with me. I felt so confused. I never took my dream relationship that seriously before, but now that I knew we could have it here in the real world, a part of me wanted it back. But I still wanted Robert, too.

It wasn’t easy, but after thirty minutes, I had drained my eyes of tears and cleared the mucous from my system. I cleaned myself up and finished my shift. Luckily, Margaret had plenty of things for me to do that kept me behind the counter. But I found myself looking up and down the hall where Chance’s, er-Evan’s, room was. (Oh, who am I kidding? He’d always be Chance to me). I couldn’t see his room but it didn’t keep me from watching the hall, like he’d suddenly walk up it and come to tell me he remembered me. But who was I kidding? Even if he did, he certainly wasn’t gonna be walking anywhere any time soon. I suffered through my neverending shift, hoping I didn’t screw up on any of my work, as my attention just wasn’t as sharp as it normally was. I numbly left through the hospital’s main entrance and crossed the valet zone towards the bus stop. The bus I wanted was due any minute now and I didn’t want to miss it and be stuck waiting for the next in the cold. If I cried again, my tears would just freeze to my face. I halted my stride when a familiar Infiniti pulled in front of me and blocked my path. My heart jumped as the passenger window rolled down and Robert stared at me from the opposite

side. I slowly stepped beside it and leaned my head down. “Get in,” he said coldly. When he sensed my hesitation, he irritably added, “Get in the car, Jenna. I didn’t come all the way out here to have you take the bus back.” I swallowed hard and fearfully climbed in. I’d go so far as to believe that he knew about my midnight rendezvous, but no way Sophie would ever rat me out like that. Still, I had pretended to be sick and ignored him for a week. And I knew I wasn’t ready for this conversation – the gut-wrenching pain inside me was clear indication of that. And the eyes that bore down on me were hard and entirely ticked off. Once he pulled out of the hospital and passed a few traffic lights, I meekly dared to say, “I thought you had a swim meet today.” “Yeah, well, I faked an illness. Quite easy to do, but you already know that, don’t you?” My eyes drifted in his direction as he turned his attention back to the road. “You know, I saw you twice this week in the hall. I took a long route that made me late for class just so I could

check up on you and see how you were doing. Know what I saw? Not a sick person, that’s for sure. Not to mention, a sick person wouldn’t hop on the bus every day this week to go to the hospital. So I skipped the meet this weekend because it’s the only time my girlfriend wasn’t going to focus on avoiding me.” All I could muster up for that was a simple, “Oh.” “Just do me a favor and don’t ask me any more questions right now. I want to have this conversation without yelling at you. So just let me focus on the driving.” The silence was deafening and the loud thumping in my chest kept my nerves stiff and tingly. It only took a few minutes for him to get to the city park, but the stillness in the air made it seem like ages. Smart – pulling into the lot at the city park – no way I was gonna bolt from his car here. It was mostly abandoned, and though it wasn’t snowing or raining out, a March day like today was still too chilly to stay out in for too long. He put the car in park and let out a deep sigh. Hopefully he’d had enough time to calm down. Panic filled his eyes when I released my seat belt but they calmed again when I

pulled off my jacket, confirming I had no intention to run away right now. He wasn’t wearing a jacket like me and the heat in the car was set to keep him comfortable, so I was beginning to feel even more suffocated than I already was. “Is this because of what happened?” God, our almost sex-capade seemed so long ago. “No,” I replied. “Because we can take a step backwards if you’re not ready.” “It has nothing to do with that.” He gave me a hard look and asked with disbelief, “Really, Jenna? Because you immediately avoided me following that moment. That’s one hell of a coincidence if it’s not about the sex.” “Tell me about it,” I muttered. “What?” “Look, Robert,” I said soothingly, but then I paused

cause I didn’t know what to say. And for reasons I didn’t understand, the next words I released from my mouth were, “I need us to take a break.” Every emotion he was feeling just completely fell off his face. He turned forward and gripped the steering wheel tight, roughly twisting his hands back and forth. “You’re breaking us off?” “No. No! I don’t wanna see other people and I don’t want you to either. I just need a time-out for awhile.” “Exactly how long are we talking here? You’ve already skipped out on me a week here.” “I don’t know,” I said, shrugging my shoulders and shaking my head. “A month, maybe.” “A month! Why?!” “I need some time on my own to figure something out.” “What are you trying to figure out?” he asked, still probably not believing it had nothing to do with the almost-sex. I shook my head and he added, “Oh, come on Jenna! You can’t

ask me to let you disappear for a month and not tell me why. Or at least convince me that it’s not really about us.” “Look, there aren’t too many things going on in my head that are off-limits to you, but this is one of them.” He vehemently shook his head in annoyance. “This isn’t about you. I promise, okay? This is all me and I just need some time by myself. Now please. Just take me home.” He was still irritated, but after a minute he shifted the car into reverse and pulled out of the city park. It was a really, really long drive home. Those twenty miles seemed to stretch on forever, and neither of us even remotely turned our head in the other’s direction. When he parked the car back at school and killed the engine, he still wouldn’t look at me. I braved a glance and saw that his face no longer held anger, but indifference. Not sure what he was thinking, I still leaned over the console to reach him. He just watched as I pulled his face to mine and kissed him. His lips responded to my touch and welcomed the

affection, but the rest of his body remained lifeless. My face pulled back but my hand lingered on his face, gently stroking it as his eyes softly locked onto mine. “Please believe me when I say you’ve done nothing wrong. And that I’m not leaving you.” I climbed back to my seat, picked my jacket up off the floor and opened the door. “I’ll come find you when I have it all figured out, okay?” I stepped out into the chilly air and rushed quickly for the common room dorms. I dared a glance back when I made it to the double doors, but he still hadn’t left the car. I fought the tears as I hurried though the commons and up through the stairs and hall, but once I got through my door, the tears burst through again for the second time that day. I wanted to bury myself under my covers and cry it out all night, but Sophie was there. I must’ve looked completely dreadful cause she rushed toward me and blurted, “What happened?” “He doesn’t remember me!” I choked out. “What? Who?”

“Chance! Or Evan. Chance said he was gonna go back to his body. And then Evan woke up, but he doesn’t remember me!” I practically choked on all the phlegm that lined the membranes of my throat and chest now. I don’t know if Sophie believed me. Probably not. Why would any sane person believe the mumbo jumbo that’s gone on in my head the past five months? But I never saw her reaction cause I collapsed to the floor and scrunched myself into a rocking ball, bawling my eyes out, not even caring if our neighbors heard me through the walls. She kneeled beside me and gently stroked my back. Between heaving breaths, I spat, “Then Robert showed up at the hospital and I told him I wanted a break.” “What? Jenna! No you don’t!” “I don’t know what I want any more.” “Bullshit! You adored Robert for a year before you actually started dating him. Don’t start doubting those feelings now just cause some guy’s literally been screwing with you in your head.”

She left to grab the box of tissues in the bathroom. I blew my nose and calmed my heaves, but my eyes didn’t give out until the tears ran dry. My pathetic ass slept away the weekend. For the first time since my accident, I had a dream that didn’t involve Chance. Even the nights he never came to me, I remember the nights passing dreamless. Not anymore. Night after night, I had the kind of dream I used to have before my accident…before I died, before I think my dreams were hijacked. Yeah, part of me missed Chance, but I grew stronger as the days passed. I didn’t go back to the hospital though. The pain of losing him was incredibly real for me. I called Margaret and told her my course load had gotten too heavy now that I was nearing the end of senior year to keep up my volunteer hours. I asked how Evan was doing and she said really well. I asked her to relay my get well wishes After all, I had told him I wouldn’t abandon him, but it seemed I had anyway, and I wanted him to know this random girl at least cared enough about how he was doing. So a week went by and I hadn’t seen Robert either. It made it easier that we didn’t see each other between classes. It

sucked when we were dating, and it still sucked a little now. I missed Robert, and part of me wanted to take an alternate route just to get a glimpse of him. But if he caught me doing that, he’d think I was coming back. And I wasn’t…at least not yet. I had finally admitted to myself how much I really did care for Chance and that losing him this way scarred me emotionally. But that relationship was over. And a lot of guilt still lingered when I thought of Robert, and I knew seeing him right now would be just as painful as losing Chance. Luckily, it was time for spring break and I was going to Sophie’s again. Normally I stayed at the academy for spring break, but Sophie wasn’t about to allow my depressed ass to stay there by myself and wallow the days away obsessing over every little detail that happened in the past few weeks. I ain’t gonna lie. Sophie was a great distraction, and getting off the grounds where all my memories of Robert and Chance were, really helped push them further back in my mind. I can’t say I was the most pleasant of guests, since my overall demeanor was pure misery, but she managed to get a few smiles out of me.

That was until…Sophie bounced up and down all giddy-like, snapping the paper she held out between her hands. I couldn’t read it cause she held it backwards. “Okay,” she said jubilantly, “so I haven’t mentioned this to you yet cause you’ve had a really hard couple of weeks, but…” She flipped the flyer around and I groaned when I made out the word PROM. She pointed her finger at me and said, “No. Don’t even go there, Jenna Baker. My best friend is not gonna bail on me on prom night. You’ve been my honey through all four years. You. Are. Going!” “Soph, I don’t wanna go to prom. Robert will–” “Not be there,” she interrupted. “Jhett already told me he’s avoiding everything prom-related and going home for the weekend.” With an air of haughtiness, she added, “So you have no excuse not to go.” “I’ll just be a third wheel.” “Nope. You and me are gonna hit the party early and Jhett’s gonna come later. If you don’t wanna stay when he gets there, I’ll let you leave.”

Man she’s good. “You know I don’t have anything to wear to this.” “And you know I’ve already got that worked out. My parents gave me a ridiculous amount of money for prom. So instead of buying some fabulous designer gown, you and I are gonna go shopping and buy two uber-fabulous non-designer gowns that will rock the house.” “You really gonna be happy with a simple dress?” “Jenna, please.” She almost whacked me when she flung her hand to emphasize the please. “You know it’s all about the accessories. And I’ve got an entire cabinet full. And I have Jhett, who let’s be honest, is far more interested in what’s going o n beneath the gown. I’ll probably spend more money on the lingerie than the dress.” “I feel bad about letting you buy me a dress. I’m only gonna let you buy it if you take it off my hands afterwards and add it to your closet.” She eyed me carefully. It actually sorta scared me that she was calculating something in her head like that. “I’ll keep

the dress, but only if you let me buy you lingerie for your birthday.” My throat vibrated and emitted a grumble. “Can’t be designer.” Her eyes narrowed and she retaliated with, “Fine, but I have to approve of what you choose.” “It can’t be French.” “Okay, now you’re just being silly! Boys like those.” She threw me an over-the-top innocent smile and sang, “Trust me.”

Sophie and I returned to school Sunday night. We both wanted to push our freedom to the last possible moment. She quickly hurried off to meet Jhett and I soon made my way down to the cafeteria for a late dinner.

The good news was that my appetite began to come back during spring break. Sophie was so good at keeping me distracted from the guilt hammering away in my head, that I actually went long periods of time without thinking about Chance and Robert (obviously not while she forced me to try on an entire store’s worth of lingerie though). I wasn’t so much hungry now, but I didn’t have a lot of snacks left in the room to nibble on. Being this late at night, I didn’t dare take what was left on the warm buffet, so I headed straight for the salad bar and filled up a to-go box. It was when I turned to leave that I saw him. Those smooth chocolaty eyes had probably been watching me since I walked through the double glass doors. I was actually a little surprised to see him sitting there all alone. Guess I knew what Sophie and Jhett were doing. His eyes were locked on hard and his face lacked all emotion, so I couldn’t decipher what he was thinking. Part of me really wanted to sit down and talk, but the moment I thought how wonderful it would be to end the break and wrap myself within his arms, the inner twisting and nausea began to build all

over again. Why did it keep doing that?! I gave him a weak smile and a semi-wave and continued on to the door. I wouldn’t let myself look back this time. I already knew he’d still be watching.

The next two weeks passed by in a blur. I got most of my school work done during study hall and I had found every scholarship I could and applied for them. So that basically left my evenings free to obsess over my guilt – neverending guilt over what a crappy person I was. Normal dreams filled my nights, so I knew my nights with Chance were over forever. I tried not to focus on whether or not I imagined our relationship, or whether or not I had perfect timing when it came to ending it just as Evan woke up. It didn’t matter. Somewhere during the past few weeks I had confirmed that it really was Robert that I wanted. I just needed this guilty feeling to go away and to make myself believe that I technically didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not like I cheated on

him in the real world, it’s just that what happened in the dream world felt so real to me now, which did make me feel like a cheater. And I was having a hard time convincing myself I deserved someone like Robert.

Prom day was the first Saturday Sophie had ever gotten up early for. She had an appointment at two to get her hair, nails and makeup done. Though she bugged and begged me for a solid week, I still refused to go with her. The weather was mild and so refreshing that I found myself returning to a familiar destination. I realized right away that the sight of water didn’t scare me anymore. The night I drowned was so long ago, and it seemed sorta like a dream at this point. Worth being scared over, but not fussing over. I felt zero fear as I dipped my legs into the warm water of the pond and leaned back, watching the water’s surface glitter as the sun’s rays squeezed through the tree leaves blowing in the wind. I’d say I had a good twenty minutes alone before I heard twigs and debris crunching in the nearby trees. I was as

still as a lioness in the brush, but the feet were closing in as if they could sense me nonetheless. The steps were too heavy to be Sophie’s, who was at her appointment anyway, and Robert was supposed to be out of town. So, it shouldn’t have surprised me when Jhett emerged from the trees. He froze when he realized I was there. “Hey,” he said. “Hey.” He stood there uncomfortable for a moment, swaying back and forth with his hand perched on the tree, not sure whether he should come or go. “Can I join you?” I shrugged. “You came all the way out here.” He flicked his shoes and socks off and dipped his legs in next to mine. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for prom like all the other girls?” “Shouldn’t you be?” I asked. “You’re the one with a date to this thing.” “All us guys have to do is dress ourselves, make sure

the transportation is figured out and show up with a corsage.” “Yeah, well, all I have to do tonight is dress and show up. I promised Sophie I would go but I’m not gonna do the fancy hair and special makeup thing. Between you and me, you’re welcome to show up early. I have no real desire to be there. Especially dateless.” “Noted.” He began kicking his legs under the water, causing ripples to wave out over my legs. “So any word on the scholarships yet?” “Uh, no. They don’t usually tell you until the end of May or June. Hopefully I’ll get something. The less I have to work during college, the more time I’ll have to study, so every penny counts.” “Do you know what you want to study?” “I’m thinking I’ll start with biological sciences. That degree forces you to take all areas of science, so eventually I’ll figure out what I really wanna study. You?” “Journalism.” My face puckered in shock. Chuckling, he asked, “What?”

“Journalism? Really? I remember Robert saying that you were completely dazed out in English Lit. Guess I just didn’t see that as an interest for you.” “Well, Lit does bore me. It’s the writing part of English that I like, not the reading of classic novels and poems no one but a scholar can figure out. And Robert’s right, I did spend half that class in a daze.” A huge smiled formed on his face when he added, “The other half I spent getting a kick out of watching you watch Robert.” My mouth fell open. “Did you tell him that?” Jhett shook his head. “Nah. Don’t get me wrong, but I figured he’d just blow you off.” My head snapped back. I guess I did take offense to that. “It’s not like that,” he explained. “Since we became roommates our freshman year, several girls have shown interest in our Robert, and he blew every single one of them off. I figured he just wasn’t interested in dating. What girls he did date he only took out once or twice. That’s why I never mentioned you to him. It wasn’t until he refused to come out of your ICU

room and Sophie told me he’d been watching you that I realized he liked you.” “Oh.” “Look, don’t tell the others I said this, but from me to you, I just want to thank you for drowning last semester.” “What?!” “Oh, come on. None of us would be dating if it hadn’t happened. I’ll admit I thought Sophie was pretty but I honestly never thought twice about the girl. But when we started talking in the waiting room, I don’t know…she just seemed like a good fit. And you and Robert seem to fit well, too.” “The waiting room, huh? Sure it wasn’t seeing her half naked at the pond?” He laughed. “I saw it, but we were so focused on you that I really didn’t take it in. And once you came to, she had her clothes on so fast and ran ahead to meet the ambulance.” “Well, I guess you’re welcome. But technically, you saved my life, so I think we can call it even.”

“Nah, I didn’t save you.” I threw him a curious look. “Robert was the one that found you in the water. The guy wouldn’t even come back up for air. I had come up twice already and he was still down there looking for you. I was afraid I was going to have two drowning people to deal with. But up you guys came. He wouldn’t let me near you to help with the CPR either, like I was going to screw it up or something.” I wasn’t sure what to say in response to that, but my heart warmed a little. “You know he really likes you, right? I mean, really likes you.” My chest groaned and my eyes automatically diverted to the water. “Look, I know it’s none of my business,” he said softly, “but are you going to be done with needing time alone soon? I know Robert’s been staying away because you asked him to, but it’s not easy for him.”

My body released a loud sigh and I swung my head back and looked up to the sky. I missed Robert too. “Sorry, Sophie told me not to push.” “No, it’s okay. Truth is, I think I am about done. At least my head’s out of the hole. I just gotta get my body to follow. So it’s probably good that you just poked me. A little poke may help ease me out faster.” Jhett pointed his finger and slowly moved it toward me. My forehead creased when he finally poked me in the arm. “Consider yourself poked.” I laughed. “I meant more of an oral poke.” Oh, God…I knew it was bad as soon as I said it. “Sorry, Jenna, that’s Robert’s department.” “Verbal! I meant a verbal poke. Conversational poke.” “Oh,” Jhett replied, still laughing at me. “Then I might be able to work on that one then.” We gently kicked our legs in the water for a bit,

enjoying the sweet sounds of spring coming to life. After a few minutes, I told him, “You know, you can leave anytime. You don’t have to stay and babysit me or anything.” “Oh, yes I do. Even though you seem to be okay with the water at the moment, if Robert ever found out I left you here all by yourself, he would beat me to the ground.” Yeah, probably so. Jhett hung out with me for a few hours and chit-chatted about random things. The more we talked, the more I came to really like him for Sophie. When it was getting late, I returned to my room to rinse the pond water from my skin. I rolled my hair in Sophie’s jumbo curlers and put a little makeup on. I hadn’t been completely honest about just dressing and showing up for prom. I actually took some time to twist and pin my brown hair back at the crown and allowed my hair to fall in loose waves in a long tail. The dress I had chosen was simple – a pale pink strapless chiffon that gathered in tucks around my chest, then dropped and fell loosely to my feet in layers of angled ruffles that fluttered when I walked. I dug around Sophie’s jewelry box and found diamond stud earrings and an emerald cut diamond

that hung on an invisible necklace. I slipped on a pair of heels that wrapped a thin strap of cubic zirconias over my toes and around my ankles. Then I grabbed the pearl-shaded clutch Sophie had managed to find buried in her closet and headed downstairs to the common room. While I was getting ready, Sophie had come in just long enough to slip on her dress. Then she hurried downstairs to meet Jhett early, where they were waiting for me. You couldn’t miss Sophie coming into that room, even with all the girls congregating in spectacular dresses. She wore a fabulous strapless mini dress in a wild print of gorgeous jewel tones, with a long, poufy train in the back that had a bold interior shaded a vibrant teal. So Sophie. Their eyes lifted when they saw me coming. Sophie was all giddy and bouncing up and down in her heels, and Jhett remarked, “Wow, Jenna. Not bad for just dressing and going.” “Thank you.” I even did a playful twirl for them. What could I say? I loved to watch the dress flutter. “God, I love that dress. I really wish you hadn’t seen it first.”

I laughed and reminded her, “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll find an occasion to wear it to.” “You know I will.” Jhett retrieved a plastic bag from the sofa and pulled out a wrist corsage that was a pearl bracelet with nothing but these deep magenta orchids pinned on it. For a second I thought he wanted me to help him put it on Sophie, but she was already wearing its twin on her wrist. “I believe even the dateless should have a flower for prom.” I literally think my heart melted a little, and I kissed him on the cheek to thank him. “Alright, huddle together because my mother was very specific about taking pictures.” Jhett pulled a small camera from his back pocket and snapped a few shots of us, then Sophie and I were on our way. Our prom was held in the ballroom at the most expensive hotel in Rutland and additional decorations practically illuminated a glittery golden hue everywhere you looked. Seriously, it was overkill.

Sophie spent the first hour dragging me onto the dance floor just so I could embarrass myself with non-existent dance moves. The second hour she gave into my persistent complaints and let us stay at the table for a bit, nibbling on appetizers. We shared the table with a few other girls that came in a group by themselves, and I immediately recognized Marie and Anne as two of them. I guess Anne must have broken up with the guy across the hall from Robert. We were all giggling and gossiping over some people in our class when Sophie’s smile dropped, and her attention focused on something over my shoulder. “What?” I asked, turning in my seat. I didn’t need an answer, cause I immediately recognized the wallflower leaning against the side wall. My eyes locked onto Robert’s, but neither of us went as far as to smile. Jhett, who was finally dressed in his tux, crossed the room towards us. I turned back to Sophie. “Did you know about this?” “No.” Her confusion told me she wasn’t lying, and when Jhett got to our table, her glare was deadly. He held his

hands up in defense to Sophie, but it was me he leaned down to face. I think he was trying to assess my mood but my nonchalant face wasn’t giving him anything to work with. However, my insides were twisting and knotting from nerves ever since I saw Robert. “Alright. This is me poking you because you said you were ready for that. He’s not here to fight with you or even ask why you need to be alone. But it’s his prom too and he doesn’t want to be dateless either. At the very least, you should thank him for the corsage.” He semi-smiled, then guided Sophie away from me. She flashed me a small but encouraging smile as they disappeared into the crowd. I turned back to Robert and he was still leaning against the wall watching me. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach – and trying to avoid the stares of the girls that heard Jhett’s words. No doubt I would be the new subject of gossip once I left the table. I was a little slow making my way toward him. Besides my feet suddenly feeling like lead weights, I had to dodge and squeeze past a bunch of couples in the way.

His eyes lit up and a smile slowly grew as I neared – now that he was sure I was aiming for him and not the exit. Now up close, I could tell the accents on his tux matched my dress. My chest actually purred a little when I saw that. If Sophie really did expect Robert to be gone this weekend, she must have let it slip to Jhett the color of my dress – who just scored two points for retaining that type of information. “It takes a strong man to wear pink,” I jested quietly. He looked down at himself and replied, “It wouldn’t be my first choice in color, but seeing you in that dress definitely makes up for it.” Smiling warmly, I asked, “You never actually left this weekend, did you?” “No. Jhett just told Sophie I was so you wouldn’t have an excuse to avoid tonight.” His face saddened when he added, “I’m just hoping you’ll be willing to take a time out from your break for the next few hours.” I don’t know what made me do it, having been so confused and guilty as of late, but a wave of relief overwhelmed

me at the idea of putting off my confusion for a few hours. I stepped in to reach my arms around him and I buried my face into the crook of his neck. His arms quickly secured and locked me in tighter than ever before. I felt his chest expand fully and release a long, soothing breath. We stayed like that for several minutes before a slow song filled the air and he guided me to the dance floor. Again I buried myself within his arms and we gently swayed in circles. True to his promise, he didn’t bother me with questions I didn’t wanna answer. For the most part, we remained by ourselves and just quietly held one another through slow songs and fast. I completely surrendered to the comfort of his embrace, and my heart kept fluttering each time he dared to press his lips to my forehead. I realized something during the three hours I spent wrapped up within his arms. There was something about the way our bodies pressed into one another, like we were pieces in a puzzle, and his piece was the one that was meant to fit perfectly into mine. And even at the height of my so-called relationship with Chance, the feelings I had for him were nothing like the warmth I felt burning up inside me when I was

with Robert. So why did my stomach suddenly sour on the drive home when that feeling of euphoria wore off ? I was feeling so good in his arms. Was I really still feeling guilty? Why wouldn’t it just freakin’ go away already?!!! Robert pulled his car into the parking lot and killed the engine. For a moment, we both just sat there, looking out at nothing in particular, afraid to say anything. “Can I see you tomorrow?” he quietly asked. I bit my lower lip and turned my head to look out the window. As much as I wanted to bury myself into his body and never come back out, the burn that licked my insides told me I still wasn’t ready, that something was still wrong about this. I slowly shook my head sideways. To say he was a little irked would be an understatement. “Damn it, Jenna. How long is this going to take? And why can’t you tell me what’s going on?” I groaned weakly and released my neck to the head rest behind me. Time-out over.

“I told you. I’ve just got some things to work out. I promise, I’m gonna figure it out soon.” God, I suck. Like seventh level of hell sucked. “Exactly how soon, Jenna? Cause school’s almost over.” And without us staying in adjacent buildings, he’s afraid I’ll bolt for good. “I don’t want you to keep avoiding me.” He reached out, cupped my chin and brushed my cheek with his thumb. I closed my eyes and surrendered the weight of my head to his hand, and the gentle strokes almost soothed the burn within me. “I love you,” I heard him say quietly. A tear slipped out and trickled down my cheek. The burn roared and I felt more tears build up behind my eyes, and I jumped from the car before they could gush out in front of him. In that moment, I became something I never wanted to become – that prom girl who had an emotional breakdown and ran from the scene crying. I wasn’t proud of it. Tears drenched my face and I was grateful to make it all the way back to my room without being

seen. I had already allowed myself to love one person and I lost him. It still tore at my heart. But the truth was, I think I loved Robert too. But how could I offer him a heart that wasn’t fully healed and dedicated just to him? I knew Chance was gone, and all that remained was Evan, who had zero memory of me and the love we shared. And though I knew Robert was the better love, I felt guilty that some of my love for Chance still lingered.

I lay there and cried it out for an hour before exhaustion overcame me and sleep embraced me. When I awoke at ten the next morning, Sophie still hadn’t come back. Unless Robert bailed and left school last night, she and Jhett must have stayed elsewhere. I was still in bed when she got in at four, having napped on and off all day. One look at my red, puffy face and Sophie’s smile

disintegrated and her face went sour. If she were animated, steam would’ve been blowing from her ears and nose at the moment. “Alright, Jenna. Enough’s enough!” She hit my side, motioning for me to move, and sat down on the edge of my bed. “You’ve had a month to deal so now I get to say my bit.” I was so tired and numb that I didn’t argue. Or really seem to care for that matter. “Now we both know I don’t completely believe in this dream invader crap, but I’m gonna sweep that under the rug for the moment. You put your heart out there for a guy and you got burned. Granted, it’s not the typical way to lose a guy, but you obviously loved him or it wouldn’t be hurting you this much. But in case you’ve forgotten, you’ve got a great guy over in the next building that you haven’t lost…yet.” “He did say he loves me,” I mumbled. “Of course he loves you! Even a blind idiot could see that! So stop screwing with him, Jenna! You’re seriously pissing me off right now! You’re so absorbed in your misery over losing

Chance that you don’t even see how miserable you’re making Robert! The poor guy is stuck in some kind of gut-wrenching limbo with you. And he doesn’t know whether to keep loving you or just let you go. Don’t keep dragging him along if you can’t deal. He’s done nothing to deserve this shit.” She released a deep breath of pent up anger, then gently tucked some of my stray hairs behind my ear. “I know you miss him. And I know it hurts. But Chance is gone. There’s no shame in grieving that loss, Jenna. Just don’t let it consume your life with guilt anymore. “And for the love of God, eat something!” She reached into my cubby, grabbed a pop-tart and threw it at me. “If you get any skinnier you won’t fit into my clothes anymore.” I smiled and nibbled on the pastry treat just for her benefit, cause I really wasn’t hungry. “Why the hell couldn’t you say that to me a month ago? It made way more sense than what’s been going on in my head all this time.” “Yeah, well. Everyone’s entitled to some alone time every once and awhile. Besides, you probably wouldn’t have listened to me a month ago anyway.”

I finished my snack and apparently fell asleep again, cause when I woke up it was one in the morning. I hadn’t meant to sleep that long. I had wanted to go talk to Robert and lay what I thought was my new problem out on the table for him. Truth was, I was afraid to love him. Besides a relationship that was basically made up in my dreams, the only person who’d ever made the effort to love me was Sophie. And that was more a sisterly love, and still a little new to me. The kind of love Robert was expecting was romantic, and allowing myself to become vulnerable in that way terrified me. Why, you ask? Because if a loss in my dream world could be so devastating, I panicked over what a loss out here would feel like. And I didn’t wanna ever feel that way again. Throwing myself out of bed, I decided a long, hot shower was overdue, but it gave me even more time to worry about talking to Robert. And since it was early Monday morning, I wouldn’t be able to see him until at least after school. No way did I wanna endure another day with this mixture of heavy feelings weighing me down.

I dug out some fresh clothes to sleep in and tried to make myself look passable for a living teenage girl, then I braved the walk to his room. I softly knocked on the door, hoping one of them would still be awake to hear it. When no one came, I leaned my ear against the door but heard nothing. Slowly and quietly, I turned the knob and discovered it was unlocked. I pushed it open and stepped inside the dark room. My eyes were slowly adapting to the lack of light, so I could just make out the outline of Robert’s bed. I edged my way forward, shuffling my feet along the way, remembering that their room usually had random things laying about. His features became more defined as I knelt down to caress his face – he was relaxed and expressionless. I kinda liked seeing him this way. At least I wasn’t stressing him out when he slept. “Robert?” I whispered, and gently massaged my fingertips through his hair. He inhaled a deep breath and rolled his head back and forth before opening his eyes. Startled, he whispered harshly, “Jenna?”

“Yeah. I need to talk to you.” He rubbed the back of his head and groaned weakly, but leaned past me to turn on the lamp on the bedside table. Still kneeling, the light shone directly in my eyes and blinded me. I stood and leaned my backside against the table to block it from view. I couldn’t see how Robert was reacting, but I heard his feet swing out of bed and thump on the floor. “Jhett, get out.” It didn’t seem like he was awake cause he certainly didn’t react to Robert’s command. “Come on man, I know you’re awake. Go sneak down to Sophie. You don’t really want to be here to hear this, do you?” A sleepy groan came from Jhett’s side of the room and a second later his sheets were whipped off the bed. He stumbled groggily across the room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “If you two make up, stay the hell out of my bed.” He shut the door quietly behind him. Robert let out a huge sigh as he crossed the room, sat in his desk chair and spun to face me, giving me this ‘have at it’ look.

I sighed heavily myself and stretched my neck backwards for a second, trying to release some of the stress and tension the shower didn’t dissolve. “I don’t have a problem with what you said. My problem is saying it back.” “That you love me?” I nodded my head. The air stung my eyes as tears accumulated behind them. I’m not gonna cry. I’m not gonna cry. “What you don’t understand, is that for my entire life, I’ve never had anyone. No mother, no brother, no aunt. I don’t even remember the people that actually adopted me the first few years. All I remember was being shuffled around from foster home to group home. I was never close to anyone and I completely withdrew. Sophie was the first person I ever let in. So when you tell me you love me,” I paused to fight hard against the tears determined to burst through, and I willed my voice not to crack, “I don’t know what to do with that. I’ve never had anyone to love before. And no one’s ever loved me.” I couldn’t stop the tears now. I practically choked on them getting out that last sentence. They rushed down my cheeks in a steady stream. Robert was suddenly before me, squeezing my face

between his hands and pressing his lips hard against mine. His kiss was so passionate it took my breath away. The tension in my muscles began to fade and my body relaxed and molded into his. When he finally did pull away, his eyes captivated me even through blurry tears. They reminded me of melted milk chocolate, and the color almost seemed to swirl around his black pupils. “Well I love you. And I’m not going to leave you like everyone else did.” With a smile, he added, “So stop fighting me already.” My laugh came out as one big puff of air and I wiped my tears away. “I do love you, you know?” “Yeah, I know,” he answered, sweeping wisps of hair off my face, “but it’s nice to hear you say it out loud.” I’m sure I looked all gooey or melted or something but I didn’t care, and he didn’t seem to either when he held my lips captive once more. His arms wrapped around my back and neck and mine did the same to him. That little fire began to heat up

inside me and uncontrollable shivers shot down my spine that made my back keep arching. I hadn’t realize how out of breath we both were until we pulled away, gasping to fill our lungs again. Something ignited within and I tugged on his shirt absentmindedly, then lifted it over his abs. He caught my drift and pulled it off the rest of the way. His eyes softly gazed into mine as he gingerly fingered the bottom of my shirt. I lifted my arms above my head and he slowly pulled it off. He traced my body with his eyes before he pressed his abdomen flush against mine, and the warmth of his skin made my body melt even more. He began massaging my neck with deep kisses and I found my hands on his shoulders, traveling down the length of his back. He lifted me up and lay me down on the bed, and his body hovered above mine, slowly taking in the moment. Then he kissed my lips, my neck and slowly made his way down my body. Blissful spasms rolled down my spine and made my body sway with them. He already had me moaning, but as we progressed through the night they were so loud I had to clench my jaw and muffle them by stuffing his pillow over my mouth.

Bleh-heh-heh. God, I hope his neighbors didn’t hear. And Robert wasn’t any better at being quiet. He seemed to fit me perfectly, and the internal feelings I got from him that night were so much more amazing than the ones I dreamt of all those months. But it wasn’t all sunshine and daisies; there were plenty of moments filled with pain and discomfort. And he thought the red spots on the sheets upset me, but truthfully, I cried cause it reaffirmed that I had saved myself for him all those months, and that the dreams were just that – dreams.

A (very satisfying) month later, we were graduating. Turns out I did snag a few scholarships for college – at least enough to cover my expenses at a junior college. So when Robert decided on Yale, he asked me to come with him. What’s one junior college versus another, right? I still had two years to figure out which major university to finish my degree at. And by then, who knows

where we’d be as a couple, though I hoped still together. I spent the week after graduation with Robert’s family in Connecticut. His mom was friendly enough and she did seem to like me, but I got the distinct feeling I wasn’t what she had in mind for her son. Nor did I believe she ever thought our relationship would extend beyond our academy days. When I called him on it, Robert admitted something he had kept to himself since we began dating. His mother wanted him to date the daughter of a family they were close to. And his mother was frustrated cause the daughter had openly admitted she had an interest in dating Robert. And when he told me her name and that she went to Pennington with us, I just about died. “Anne Bridgeway?!” I cried. I had always thought that the startled look she gave me that night in the boy’s hall was cause she got caught by a fellow classmate. Now I knew it was cause she not only knew I was dating the guy she wanted, but we were familiar enough to be sneaking into each other’s room at night. And then I remembered how happy and friendly she was to me at prom. Man, I bet it really ticked her off when he showed up in a tux

matching my dress. And I was willing to bet she was one of the girl’s Jhett mentioned, who made their interest known, but who Robert blew off. “Why didn’t you tell me about her before?” “Who cares about Anne? I can’t stand girls that play stupid games.” “What games?” “You remember seeing her in the hall that night? Did you notice how the teachers did a random sweep of the rooms half an hour later?” “You think she tipped off the teachers?” I asked, still doubtful any student would do that. “I called her on it. She didn’t admit to it, but sending them an anonymous tip about a girl going into a boy’s room sounds exactly like something she’d do. Why do you think she dated the guy across the hall?” I shrugged. I didn’t even know who lived in that room or which guy Anne had been dating that whole time.

“Do you have any idea the number of times she just happened to leave that room at five thirty in the morning? Just when Jhett and I were leaving for practice? And right after you asked for a break and we spent a few days apart, suddenly she felt her relationship wasn’t right and dumped the guy.” “She seriously slept with him just to bump into you every morning?” “I don’t care what she was or wasn’t doing in that room. I can’t begin to tell you how much I don’t care. She even tried to get me to go to prom with her as friends, since we both happened to be single at the time.” I crossed my arms playfully. “You told her you were single?” “I didn’t tell her anything period. I said no and left it at that.” “Jeesh, Robert. Am I gonna be able to leave you alone for the summer?” He chuckled and slowly began pushing me back

towards the wall. “That’s right. Dating me is going to take a little effort on your part.” “Oh, I can’t believe you just threw those words back at me.” He cocked his eyebrows as his body firmly pressed up against mine. “You re-thinking that whole cell phone plan now? Cause if you’re asking if Anne will be stopping by with her family this summer, I guarantee it. Every weekend. I hear she’s even considering Yale.” I gripped the top of his shoulders and said, “Now you’re just being mean.” “You can still stay here with me for the summer. Plenty of room.” “No. I want this. I need this. Besides, if I can’t trust you to deal with Anne on your own, then there’s not a whole lot of point moving forward in our relationship.” His lips reached out for mine and my hands gripped the back of his head as his hands slipped in tight behind my back. We were still in that position when his mother opened the door

to the media room. Our bodies pushed away automatically. I wasn’t sure who was more embarrassed, me or her. “I’m sorry,” she said, clearly a little uncomfortable. “Dinner’s almost ready.” She actually said those last two words a little slower than expected. For some reason, the necklace around my neck really drew her in, and when her eyes were done analyzing that, they honed in on me. “We’ll be down in a minute, Mom,” Robert replied softly. Her gaze shifted to him and she seemed almost dumbfounded. And she was incredibly slow to leave. “Robert,” I said slowly, focusing tight on his eyes, “please tell me this is costume jewelry around my neck and not some family heirloom.” He sighed and slowly dropped his head as far back as it would go. I gave him time to come back up, but only cause I was really starting to fear his answer. Please tell me I wasn’t ignorantly wearing some thousand dollar necklace all semester long. When he straightened back out again, he leaned his

shoulder against the wall beside me. “The stone was my grandmother’s on my father’s side. He was an only child and he only had boys, so she split her jewelry between me and Reynold. My mother was only staring because she recognizes it.” Well, when he put it that way, it didn’t sound too bad. Which is why I knew his explanation had more holes than freakin’ Swiss cheese. “Uh-huh. Robert…what kind of stone is it?” He pressed his lips together so tightly they practically disappeared. Very quietly, he begged, “Please don’t ask me to answer that.” A groan escaped my throat and my hands rushed to cover my face as it fell. When I found the strength to emerge, I shook my head and whined, “Robert, no. There’s no going back now. You have to tell me why your mother was looking at us like that. You can’t keep me in the dark.” “I’ll tell you but you’re not going to like it.” I huffed and blurted, “Believe me, I’m well aware I’m

not gonna like this.” He leaned in close and placed his hand behind the necklace, gently fingering the wiry petals. “It’s a pink diamond.” You know that moment when time freezes all around you and you wanna move but can’t? Yeah, that just happened… I spluttered a few sounds here and there, my words not really taking shape or meaning. It took me several seconds to process that apparently-not-so-important piece of information. Pink. Diamond. Diamond was bad enough. He really had to go and put pink in front of it? “And would a pink diamond be worth more than a regular diamond?” I asked, my face already cringing, totally fearing his answer. “Little bit,” he answered slowly. God, more Swiss cheese.

“Little bit. Right. And how many carats are in the pink diamond?” “Little more than three.” Little. There’s that word again. I didn’t know a whole lot about diamonds, but I’m guessing by the size of the one that was glowing from the center of my necklace, that three carats was pretty damn big. I turned to face him and his face was depleted of any positive expressions. My hand reached out to trace his eyebrow from the bridge of his nose out. He closed his eyes and after a few strokes, his facial muscles began to relax a little. Miserably, he asked, “You’re going to give it back to me now, aren’t you?” I didn’t like the way he said it, like it would truly hurt him if I did it. “Do you want me to?” His eyes came to life and my hand fell from his face. “No.” “Shouldn’t I though? It seems wrong to keep such an expensive gift.”

“When I turned eighteen it was mine to do with however I pleased. I gave it to you because I want you to have it. And that diamond isn’t even the most expensive piece of jewelry my grandmother left me.” “Then I’ll keep it for now.” That really got his eyes to bulge, but before he could get too excited, I added, “But you have to be honest with me here cause I’ve worn this necklace practically every day since Christmas. Any chance this thing is only worth say…four figures?” Hell, even I knew it was wishful thinking. I couldn’t even say ‘four figures’ without my head trying to suck itself into my neck. He huffed so hard it was practically a laugh, and a little smile began to break through. Damn. Dreadfully, I amended, “Five figures?” He slowly shook his head no, and the smile kept growing. “No way this thing is worth six?” The head shaking changed direction. I gasped and my lungs filled with so much air I should have floated off the ground. “Jesus! Robert! What are you doing to me?! Six figures? Dare I ask if the first number is greater than one?”

The look on his face told me it was. Dear God. “It’s not that big of a deal.” My mouth shot so far open you could’ve shoved a tennis ball through it. “I realize it’s worth a lot of money, but it’s hardly putting a dent in my family inheritance. I had the wire flower designed so no one would ever suspect that gem to have any worth. No one outside my family will know what it really is. So as long as you don’t lose it, we’re good.” “Not a big deal?!” I shouted. “That’s more money than most people spend on a house! Do you have any idea what’s going through your mother’s head at this very moment?” “Well, hopefully she’s taking my relationship with you a little more seriously than she was yesterday. She couldn’t possibly think I’d put that stone around just anyone’s neck.” Speaking of necks, I wanted desperately to reach out and shake the crap out of his! I was still a little dumbfounded

over the idea of even giving me such an expensive gift. “Robert, we’d only been together three months when you gave it to me.” “And I stand by that decision. I knew at three months what I know now. And I loved seeing that flower around your neck every day. Jewelry’s meant to be worn, not shoved in some safe deposit box only to see the light of day when it’s time to be appraised.” “What about the month I asked for a break? Part of you didn’t regret giving it to me then?” “I’ll admit I found it…frustrating that you had to deal with whatever it was you were going through without me, but I knew you weren’t really going to leave me.” “Robert, I was so confused and torn apart emotionally, even I didn’t know what I was thinking. So how could you?” “Because you never took it off.” I looked at him curiously, and he added, “Jenna, even when you thought it was just costume jewelry, you woke up every morning and put it back on. If even the tiniest part of you truly wanted to distance yourself from me, the first thing you would’ve done was bury it

in the dresser.” I had to admit he had a point. When he turned my chin enough to face him, my eyes were met with a kind smile. “I went out of my way a few times that month to sneak a glance and assess how you were doing. Usually you were in one of your study hall periods when I did it, just sitting back in your desk staring out into nothing. But four out of five times, you were fingering the necklace in your hand absentmindedly. And it made me wonder if you were thinking about me at the time, cause you never did that before the break, and you’ve never done it since.” “Seriously? I don’t even remember doing that.” “I told you. It was subconscious. So no, I never doubted my decision to give it to you.” He leaned in and softly brushed my lips once more. We headed down for the most awkward dinner of my life, where his mother couldn’t keep from watching our every move. I wasn’t exactly the socialite she’d hoped for, but Robert seemed confident she’d accept me fully with a little time.

Funny thing was, I don’t think she told her husband about the diamond cause he managed to get through the remaining meals completely ignorant to the amount of money his son had placed around my neck. I was beginning to think Robert was right about the wire flower automatically downplaying the value of the stone. After all, who the hell would ever put such an expensive diamond on such an inexpensive setting? Oh, that’s right. Robert.

I was kinda relieved to be leaving after my week was up. Not that I wanted to be apart from Robert, but I could do with less staring from his mother. Lately, she just looked at me more with awe than anything, but I hated being stared at nonetheless. That summer was my first without being an official ward of state, so for once I was able to skip the classes that kept me out of the group home. I decided I wanted to stay in Rutland

and for once have two months all to myself. It meant I had to work at the book store to cover my expenses but there was something liberating about the whole experience. It was a relief to know I could take care of myself if need be. Don’t be too proud of me though. Robert was determined to take care of me once we left for school and I decided I was gonna let him. That’s another experience I’ve never had – someone taking care of me. He was gonna find the apartment and get us set up. All I had to do was get myself accepted into the nearby junior college and show up. Easypeasy. There was a downside to spending the summer alone though – besides Anne trying desperately to insert herself into my boyfriend’s life. My mind found plenty of time to drift back to Chance. I still worried about him, and I wondered how he was doing getting his life put back together. My last week of summer vacation, I got my answer. I was taking my lunch break in the city park, stretched out under the shade beneath a live oak by the pond when I saw him. As if he could feel my gaze, he turned and locked eyes with

me. That trademark lopsided grin filled his face and he came towards me. I smiled when I saw the snow cone in his hand. I couldn’t help but notice there were five familiar colors striped across the ice. “You’re that Jenna girl from the hospital. The one from Pennington.” “Yeah.” Playfully, I added, “Well, I guess there’s nothing wrong with your head after that long sleep then, huh?” “No more than every other eighteen year old guy. Do you mind?” he asked, motioning to the empty space next to me under the tree. I shook my head and he plopped down. He stared at me softly for a moment. The gold in his eyes glittered even in the shade. “You know, I never got to thank you for reading to me all those times. Not sure if that horrible book is what got me to wake up, but I appreciate it nonetheless.” “Not a problem. So what’s in the snow cone?” “Nope. Sorry. Special secret recipe.”

“It wouldn’t happen to be the awesome flavor combination of wild cherry, cola, watermelon, leche and blackberry, would it?” I think I broke him. He just stared at me for like five seconds, completely dumbfounded. Finally, he responded with, “Marry me.” I smiled and shook my head. “How’d you know that?” “I recognize the colors,” I lied. Noticing his t-shirt had a Penn State logo on it, I evaded with, “So are you gonna go play soccer for Penn State?” “How’d you know I played soccer?” I smiled and shrugged. He really did play soccer. “Guess someone mentioned it at the hospital at some point.” “Rehab went a slower than I would’ve like. Maybe by next year I can try a walk-on or get a scholarship. I’m stuck going to junior college this year because I wasn’t conscious to apply to any schools in time.” “Oh, right.”

“But my teachers worked me hard the past few months to get me caught up so I could graduate and start college this fall.” “That had to be a ton of work.” “Wasn’t so bad. What else did I have to do between rehab sessions?” “Well, I’m glad you’re doing well. I’ve been wondering about you.” “Is that right?” I laughed and rolled my eyes when he cocked his eyebrows seductively at me. “If I’m recalling correctly, you shouldn’t be giving me that look.” “You mean Melissa?” “I mean the blonde that looks like she could do the triple lindy off a couple of cheerleading pyramids.” He burst out laughing. “You’ve seen Back to School too? Man I love that one.”

I’ve seen it now…sorta. It was another one of those movies he had me watch in my dreams, where I think I only remembered what he thought to show me. And he was obsessed with the dive Robert Dangerfield did at the end called the triple lindy, where he flipped back and forth between a couple of diving boards before finally doing another fancy dive into the water. “The stunt double wasn’t even close to Dangerfield’s body size and they kept zooming in on him when his eyes were all bug-eyed and funky. It’s so awesome. But as for Melissa, nah, we broke up.” Poor bobble-head Barbie. I expected my heart to speed up or my stomach to do a flip-turn hearing that, but surprisingly, it remained quietly in place. “Truth is, we broke up the night of the accident. She just never told anyone. I think she felt guilty. We were still arguing when we were driving home. She got mad and hit me. And for that split second, I turned my head to yell at her. Then…” He crumpled the empty paper cone in his hand

dramatically. “Ouch. Yeah, I could see why she wouldn’t wanna tell anyone that’s why you crashed.” Now I really wanted to smash her face into a mirror. “So, now you know.” He lifted his eyebrows in the same seductive manner and I couldn’t help but smile. “Down boy. I’m not available.” “Damn. That’s alright. You’re probably going away to college anyways, right?” “Yes. Next week.” “Then it’s not meant to be right now. But,” he snagged the phone Robert forced on me when I left and punched away for a minute, “if you find yourself available in about four years, you let me know. For now, I’ve got to get going and by the name tag you’re wearing, I’m guessing you’ve got to get back to work.” “Yeah, I do,” I said, getting up and reaching for my phone. Our fingers brushed together and I could tell he was

gripping the phone to make the pass slower. A single butterfly fluttered inside me. The gold in his eyes glittered and that kaleidoscope-like movement drew me in for a few seconds. “You know, there’s something really familiar about you, but I just can’t put my finger on it. Was the hospital the first time we met?” I sucked in a quick, sharp breath but managed to play it off as indifference. I didn’t even want to think about the possibility that he may be starting to remember the dreams. So I simply shrugged and shook my head, feigning ignorance. “It was good to see you. I hope your rehab works out for you.” “Thanks. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime.” The saddened tone beneath those words ate at my heart a bit. I smiled and waved as I walked away. I glanced at my phone and noticed the new contact, Evan Gilden, with his email and number on it. It took all the strength I had to delete it. I didn’t know if what happened between me and Chance was real. Maybe we did meet in some type of in-between that night. Maybe in that moment our spirits did create some

type of bond that he was able to tap into while in the coma. And as crazy as it seemed, maybe he really did find a way to meet me in my dreams. Or maybe my imagination just happened to be spot-on accurate with my creation, like his love of snow cones and playing soccer. I didn’t know but I was done analyzing it. I did know one thing though. Maybe it was cause I knew I was dreaming all those nights, but for the first time in my life, I opened myself up to someone and allowed complete vulnerability. We were caged within my dreams, but for the first time ever, I learned to love. So real or imaginary, Chance was and always will be, one of my first true loves.

Devon Ashley resides in Texas with her husband and son. She has a Master of Science degree in Biological Sciences with an emphasis in Microbiology. In her (not so) free time she loves to write, design, knit and read. (Super exciting, right?) Also Available by Devon Ashley

The Immortal Archives Ordained, One Metamorphosis, Two Catacombs, Three (Coming 2012) You can stalk me here http://devonashleywrites.blogspot.com