Forever Devoted (Crazed Devotion #2) - C.A. Harms

Forever Devoted Crazed Devotion Book 2 By C.A. Harms



“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” • Dr. Seuss



Prologue LIZ “No, you said you would stop.” I covered my ears to drown out the screaming. Looking over to the twin bed bedside my own I was thankful to find Elle still sleeping. She’d fallen asleep once again with her earbuds in, while listening to the latest release of her favorite author. “You can’t keep doing this Larry,” I heard my mother’s voice echo down the hallway as my father’s big heavy boots thumped against the hardwood floor. “You spent half your paycheck in that damn bar, and the other half barely covers the bills we have.” “Then maybe you should get a job,” he slurred. “Stop bitching about money all the time, and make your own instead.” My father was a drunk. He started his morning out how most men did, with a cup of coffee in hand. The difference was, his always had a little bit of whiskey added to it too. He never stopped there, because throughout the day, he’d keep that same cup and continue to add a refill of liquor, minus the coffee. It amazed me how he made it through most days in his condition. Larry Berfield wasn’t a loving father or a doting husband, he was mean, and bitter. I think at one time my parents may have loved one another or I liked to believe they did. I like to think that at one point in my mothers life she felt cherished. She was too good of a woman to never feel as if she was someone’s everything. Growing up in the Berfield home was unpredictable, that was until he left one day and never returned. Maybe it was wrong of me to feel relieved, but I did. For once Elle and I didn’t have to hear my mother cry herself to sleep, or sit by the picture window in the living room waiting for him to return home. It was a calm I hadn’t felt before. That was the moment I realized that being alone, having control of your life without a man telling you what you could and couldn’t do was the kind of life I wanted. I vowed never to repeat the mistakes my mother made. I would be free, I would call the shots. Too many years I watch my mother waste for a man that didn’t value her or the things she did for her family. We may have struggled after he left, but we did it together. We did it with smiles

on our faces, and laughter in our home. We learned to pinch and save, never once complaining about leftovers or mac and cheese for dinner. My mother, she’s one of the bravest women I know. She didn’t cower and cry, she stood tall and moved forward. She did what she had to do, in order to take care of her girls. She is the most amazing person I know, and she did in all without a man.



Chapter One

LIZ

My patience was wearing thin. As in, I could feel my blood boiling in my veins and my mood had gone south long ago. I tossed my cell phone in my bag and chose to ignore the seventh message I had received in the last hour. Benjamin Matthew Keaton was a dedicated man. Stubborn and irritating, but so damn dedicated. I had shared one night with him months ago and most think it was a night of random sex, but they truly had no idea. Yes, we explored, lingered, and repeated again and again; but it was more than just that. For the first time I allowed myself to let go and just feel. I didn’t think about what the next morning would bring, because in my mind, the next morning he’d be gone. He’d go back to Germany, or wherever the hell else he ended up and our time would be over. So I shared things with him, things I thought I’d never share with any man. He made me feel as if no matter what I said or did, none of it would matter. It was a comfortable, relaxed, pleasurable evening. And it scared the shit out of me. I realized quickly that I wasn’t ready for the intensity of that man, but he had other ideas. In fact he has spent the last couple hours texting me over and over, explaining to me why he and I are meant to be. Those were his words not mine. I’ve spent the last hour ignoring that knot his words had caused to form in my stomach. There was no me and anyone in my book, there was only a me. The vibration of my purse told me he had not yet given up. Curiosity had gotten the best of me once again and I found myself digging through my purse to find my phone. Don’t lie to yourself wild cat, you know you’ve thought about how good you and I would be together. How I make your heart race and how that heat forms deep within your stomach when you picture us together. His cocky arrogance only made me toss my phone into my purse once more, irritated that I even took the time to look to begin with. I gathered my bag and keys, pushing open my car door in frustration, walking

toward Lucy’s Bar and Grill. What the hell was wrong with him? He was thousands of miles away anyway. What did he expect me to do hop on the next plane to fly off to another country? The moment I stepped in to Lucy’s I zoned in on my best friend and sister. They had no idea they were about to get an earful of my built up frustrations. The first one was Nicole for giving Ben my number in the first place. I know she had a hand in on it. The second person was Elle for giving me shit about avoiding him. What the hell did she know anyway, she wasn’t the one that felt like her stomach bottomed out every time he brought up the intense connection he felt when we were together, that was me. This was my life and my worries. She could live her life however she chose and I would do the same. Why was it so damn hard for these two meddling wenches to back off. Let’s not forget Ben either, I wish he’d just let it go. Forget it even happened. That’s what I was trying to do, if the man would stop texting me maybe I could. Even I felt the hesitation in that statement. Who was I kidding the man was not easy to forget. “Men are so damn frustrating,” I blurted out as I dropped down on the barstool across from them. Both turning to face me, with smiles on their faces. “Is it the man, or the woman he is chasing that is frustrating?” Elle chirped entirely too happily. I narrowed my eyes at her and she laughed. “Yep, that’s what I thought. It’s the woman.” “You’re an ass,” I said as she turned around with a full tray of drinks and began walking toward the group near the pool tables. Sometimes I found myself planning a diabolical revenge on my younger sister. She thought she had it all figured out and maybe she did, who knows. But she needed to stop focusing so much on me and my life. I was fine with the way things were. “Speaking of men,” Nicole said and I turned around to face her as she continued on. “Ben is actually her…” I cut her off immediately. “Don’t get me started on Ben. You gave him my number and he’s to blame for my mood.” I reached inside my purse and grabbed my phone shaking it at her for emphasis. “He has been texting me for hours now. Going on and on about this connection we have. The man won’t let it go.” I thrusted my phone at her. “I’m a curse you know it and so do I. Connection or not Nicole, I am not built for what you and Ryker have. I live on self-destruct mode and that man needs to steer clear of me, if he knows what is good for him. The only thing I’ll do is ruin whatever it is he thinks we got.” I let out a deep breath and lay my phone on the bar top when she wouldn’t take it. “Besides he’s in Germany and I’m here.” I added.

“About that,” Nicole said and I looked up to find her looking over my shoulder, biting her lower lip nervously. When I turned to see what it was she was looking at, my heart felt as if it lurched upward into my throat. “Hey wild cat, you done ignoring me yet?” His deep husky amused tone ran through me like a mad rush of heat. Chills breaking out over my arms, back and neck “What are you doing here?” I asked my voice cracking with surprise. “Didn’t Nicole and Ryker tell you? I live here now.” I looked back over my shoulder and narrowed my eyes at my best friend. “No,” I replied. “It seems they both forgot to mention it.” Just as I turned back around to face Ben, I found Paul approaching from behind him. He was the guy I always fell back on whenever I needed a little release. Now with Ben here, it only made what I had planned for tonight feel dirty. “Hey baby, you ready?” Paul asked as he stepped up to Ben’s side. My stomach dropped when a look of distaste washed over Ben’s features. I slide from the bar stool with every intention of telling Paul there was a change of plans, but Ben spoke first. “You better get going baby.” He said with a disgusted tone. “You wouldn’t want to keep your boy waiting.” He didn’t even give me a backwards glance as he turned around and walked toward the opposite side of the bar leaving me behind to feel like the biggest bitch in existence. There was the confirmation that I was in fact cursed when it came to guys and relationships. Even when I wasn’t trying to fuck things up, I still managed to. I reached around to grab my purse and ignored Nicole when she said my name. Moving forward, my head hung a little lower than when I walked in. Just outside the bar, Paul placed his hand on my lower back and I instantly turned around to face him. “Listen I’m sorry to do this, but I’m not feeling up to anything tonight.” I took another step, creating more distance between us. “Sorry for dragging you out only to cancel on you.” “Who’s the guy?” Paul asked and his question surprised me. I gave him a quizzical stare, hoping that he’d just take my silence as indication that I didn’t want to talk about it. “The one inside that looked real pissed off about you leaving with me?” “Just a friend,” I said with a shrug. He chuckled, “That was not a reaction of a friend. You and me, were friends.” He winked because we were a little more than friends, but I got what he was saying.

With Paul and me there were never any true feelings included, just fun. “That guy, he’s not just a friend.” Paul didn’t wait for me to answer, instead he leaned in and offered me a kiss on my cheek. “Don’t worry about me,” he said as he took a step backwards, “my nights not over yet.” he winked before offering a wave as he walked toward his car. I was left standing in the parking lot wondering how I had gotten in my current predicament. I’ve never had a problem intermixing feelings with sex. It was easy, keep it light. Then Ben happened.



Chapter Two BEN

“Why so gloom?” I looked to my left just as I lifted the beer to my lips. An attractive blond stepped up to my side, holding a pool stick in her hand. I’d say woman, but honestly she looked more like a twelve year old then someone old enough to be hanging out in a bar. As I lowered my bottle, I watched her closely. I may sound like an asshole, but to be honest the last thing I wanted at the moment was some strange woman targeting me as her next hookup. I’d imagined it was her thing and I had no desire to be one of many in a long list of happy sticks. “Don’t worry, not hitting on ya,” she added as she leaned against the barstool at my side. “You aren’t packing anything I’m interested in.” I arched a brow, still not saying a word. She leans in closer, “I like womean.” I swallowed a little harder than I intended to, “Good to know.” I said in attempt to recover from the shocked expression I know was covering my face. Tiny, no bigger than one hundred pounds, one hundred and ten tops, long flowing blond hair, cute little frame. I know I was staring, but come on the woman had just shocked the shit out of me. “So now that we have that all out there in the open, why do you look like someone kicked ya in the junk.” Again I stared at her, unsure of what to say. “You are a real conversationalist,” she added with a sarcastic laugh. “Do you always start all conversations with, I like woman?” I finally speak. “Why not,” she shrugs, “it eliminates the awkwardness later. It also cuts straight through the unnecessary flirting that won’t get either of us any closer to what we actually want.” For a moment I thought maybe I should stand up and move far far away. But she was right, we’d cut through the shit and now we were just two people chilling out. No expectations or secrets. “I just moved here,” I told her. “Figured as much,” she hopped up on the chair opposite mine. “I’ve lived her half my life and know almost everyone.” “Marine,” I said, “decided not to reenlist and now here I am. Starting over in a new place after home didn’t seem as appealing anymore.” “Let me guess, some bimbo broke your heart.” I shook my head at this girl that

came out of nowhere. She obviously had no problem speaking whatever was on her mind. “There was a girl, but that was long ago.” “And now?” she asks but the smirk on her lips told me I didn’t have to answer because she already had me all figured out. “A girl,” I said looking away from her, “woman, stubborn pain in my ass. Whatever, or however you wanna refer to her as.” “Girlfriend then?” mystery girl asks. “No just someone I’d hoped may want to see where things could go.” I was quiet for a moment, but I could almost feel her eyes burning a hole in the side of my head. “I’m Khloe by the way,” she finally broke the silence. “Ben,” I said turning completely around to face her. “Nice to meet you Ben,” she gave me a smile and I couldn’t help smiling back. She was nothing like I expected her to be when she first walked up, which was refreshing. “Let’s forget about all the bullshit and play pool, you game?” “Sure,” I pushed up off the table and stood. “Okay, but I feel I should warn you,” Khloe added, “I’m pretty good. You’ll lose and your ego will be wounded, but at least you’ll have something else to worry about for the time being.” I chuckled as she jumped up and hurried off toward the empty pool table only a few feet away. I may have just met this girl, but I had a feeling I had just made a new friend in the small town of Arab. “So tell me a little about the girl,” Khloe says as she racks the balls and center them on the left end of the table. “Maybe I can offer some advice on how to fix your little problem.” “Who said I have a problem?” I challenge as I chose a pool stick from the display on the opposite end of the table. “Please, you have scorned written all over you.” Blunt, smart ass, those were the things that came to mind when I looked at this spitfire. When I realized she had no intention of letting the conversation go, I leaned over the table and struck the Cue ball. The balls ricocheted off the sides of the table scattering in all directions. “Nice,” she praised. “You’re solids.” She paused for only a few seconds before she got right back to hounding me like a best friend would had she known me longer than five minutes. Only she didn’t seem to find it odd that she was being pushy. “Is it another guy, or the fact that

you couldn’t satisfy her?” I froze mid shot, staring back at this woman like she’d lost her damn mind. “Oh,” she says almost apologetically, “it’s option two huh?” “It is not option two,” I corrected her and she instantly began to laugh. “We were never really a couple, but we were a little more than friends. I guess I just hoped that by me moving here, we could see where things led us.” “Please tell me you didn’t leave the military and move across the US just for some girl you barely knew.” Khloe looked almost disappointed. “I knew I was leaving the Marines long before I ever met Liz,” I assured her, “I moved here to be closer to my brother, Ryker.” “Ryker Daniels?” Khloe asked. “Yeah, you know’ im’?” “Know of him,” she clarified. “I’m a few years younger than their group, but most everyone knew that crowd. Wait,” she grinned wide, “Liz, as in Elizabeth Berfield?” “Why do I feel like I should say no?” There was something about the way she was watching me. A certain humor in her eyes. “You go after the one girl in town that refuses to settle down.” I didn’t go after her. Okay, so maybe I did a little but it was slightly impossible not to be curious about the sassy girl that challenges a man she had never met over a simple phone conversation. “Want some advice?” Khloe asked and I had a feeling even if I said no, I would still get it. “Don’t try so hard,” she stated, “make her chase you.” I arched a brow, intrigue by her angle. “Be unavailable,” Khloe shrugged as she walked around the pool table scoping out her next shot. “Don’t let her think for a minute that you are waiting for her.” “Because every girl wants to believe they’ve been easily forgotten,” I said sarcastically questioning her advice. “No, but girls like Liz tend to realize things a little later than most. You know that saying you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?” Khloe leaned over the table and in one swift movement she sinks the eight ball. When she stands back up and shrugs as if it was no effort at all I can’t help but laugh. I think I’ve just stumbled upon yet another new best friend.



Chapter Three

LIZ

Warm, gentle kisses covered my shoulders and back as I hid my smile in the pillow beneath my head. There was something about the way Ben touched me, so careful, like I was the most delicate thing he’d ever felt beneath his fingers that made me feel precious. Those were memories that lingered in my mind often. Memories that I held onto tightly, even if I hid the fact I cherished those times we shared, no one needed to know but me. They were my memories to hold. I couldn’t hide the reaction my body had to him, as if begging for one more kiss or one more caress. Our night was meant to be one of fun, two consenting adults sharing one hot night before he returned back to Germany. The problem with that was, each night when I lay in bed with my eyes closed, it was almost as if I could feel every single moment we shared all over again. I wanted it. I would admit that to myself but no one else. I wanted to feel his touch and hear his sweet words. But all great things eventually come to an end. All the newness wears off and in the end you’re left with a broken heart and the children that you bared getting wrapped up in your adult mess. I watched my mother struggle for years, before and then after my father finally walked away. I witnessed Nicole at some of her darkest times, and though she may now have Ryker, those dark times are something I never want to face. All of that was avoidable. I had always found a way to remain distant and still get what I needed from a man. Until Ben decided that moving to Arab was a good idea. I woke irritable from lack of restful sleep. I threw the covers off my body and sat on the side of my bed doing my best to rein in my crankiness. I wasn’t a morning person as it was, but today was enhanced by a certain man I could no longer avoid. It was easier when he was thousands of miles away. I stood from the bed, slipped my feet into my slippers, and exited my room. I nearly collided with Elle who was exiting the bathroom on the opposite side of the hall. Her chipper attitude only further worsened my already irritable mood. How could anyone be that damn happy in the morning? “Morning sunshine,” she said with a smirk. I stared back at her as she dried her hair with the towel that hung around her shoulders. She had to have been switched at birth. My mother hated mornings, I

despised them, and my father, he just hated life in general. There had to be some other woman out there that was a cranky ass just like me who thought the family she lived with was insane. I bet that family woke up smiling and laughing, passing hugs around. They thought the child they had was theirs when in reality she belonged in the Berfield home, and Elle was their long lost child. “What is wrong with you?” Elle finally asked staring back at me with a curious gaze. “I was just thinking that you must have been switched at birth.” She laughed as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Why, because I’m not a bitch like you?” “Yeah, mainly,” I wouldn’t deny her comment. “I could be cranky and moody all the time, but why waste my days? I prefer to smile and enjoy life.” She leaned back against the wall, looking pleased with herself. “You need medication,” I stated blatantly. “You need to stop denying that you have a thing for a certain someone.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Your issue is that he’s here now and you can’t run from it.” “But if you don’t want him, I know of a few ladies that might.” Elle pulled this same shit on Nicole when Ryker returned. The difference was I wasn’t falling for it. “Fine, whatever,” I told her as I finally moved passed her leaving her standing in the hall. “Well, after you left last night he got pretty cozy with a cute little blond over by the pool tables.” I tried not to show any type of reaction, but I did stumble a tad as I rounded the corner toward the kitchen. I had absolutely no right to feel threatened by any other woman. He wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t his. The problem was, I was affected. My stomach tightened, my nostrils flared, and suddenly a trip to a certain man’s place felt like exactly what was needed to clarify a few things.



Chapter Four BEN

Loud, obnoxious pounding penetrated the deep haze of my sleep and woke me with a jolt. I felt like my head had barely hit the pillow and I was already reopening my eyes. After Liz left with that tool from the bar last night, I may have hit the alcohol a little harder than I initially intended to. But the idea of him doing the things to her that I’ve thought of repeating since the last time I saw her, infuriated me. Drinking wasn’t going to solve the issue I know that, but it damn sure made everything feel better for a small window of time. That was until I was forced to open my eyes and felt as if I’d been ran over by the three ton and then they backed up and did it all over again. I knew going in that Liz and I were meant to be nothing more than two people that hooked up and shared one hell of a sexually memorable night. At least that’s what she was playing it off as, I knew different. We connected, I got a glimpse of the Liz she tried so hard to hide. She could keep everyone else in the dark, but that night she let me in. Even if it was only a small glimpse into the true Liz, I saw her. Now she was back to the same cold behavior, acting like there was nothing there. It pissed me off. More loud pounding filtered through my nearly empty apartment and I peeked my left eye open, closing it again quickly. The sun nearly blinded me. I needed some fucking curtains. I could hear voices outside my front door, a man and a woman going back and forth. I listened, trying to hear their words, but they were muffled. More pounding came shortly after and I realized through the dazed fog I’m experiencing that the only way to get rid of them was to answer the damn door. Half asleep, I moved across the small living room at a very slow pace. Walking shouldn’t make your head hurt, but it was killing mine. Like a jackhammer going crazy, it drialled and tortured my head. I gripped the door handle, twisted the lock, and yanked it open, again blinded by the sunlight. I did my best to refocus and was surprised to find my buddy, Ryker, standing outside my door. But he wasn’t alone. “You have no right to be angry at me for meeting Paul last night,” Liz stepped inside causing me to move back in surprise. “We made no promises that night, it

was a spontaneous act that, yes I think we both enjoyed, but that was it. Then you show up, text me, then call me pretending that it was so much more. Like I was the girl waiting back home for her man to return home.” She was breathing in deep, her cheeks red. She had her hands placed on her hips, her nostrils flaring in irritation. “I’m sorry man,” Ryker apologized looking at the side of Liz before looking back to me. “I got this,” I assured him, but didn’t take my eyes off Liz when I spoke the words. He remained in the doorway only for a moment before his shadow disappeared. “You’re right,” I told her and she blinked a few times as if surprised by my words. “I don’t have a right to be mad. We aren’t together.” I watched as a look of surprise took over her features. I think she expected much more of a fight but fighting with her wouldn’t have gotten me anywhere. If I insisted that what we had shared was more than just some one night stand, it would have been pointless. Liz wasn’t the kinda girl that could be forced to face anything. She had to be willing to see it on her own. I allowed the words of Khloe from last night to linger in my mind, keeping me from saying all the things I truly wanted to. “It just caught me off guard,” I said. “But hey, I get it,” I said as I was leaning against the wall just inside my apartment. “We had fun, but that was all it was.” She looked like a fish out of water, her lips parting and pressing tightly together over and over. It was comical to see a girl that always had so much to say, have nothing. “We’re friends,” I added, “we gotta be. Our best friends are married with a kid on the way. It’s likely the two of us will see each other often. There’s no need to make things awkward, right.” Seeing her puzzled was satisfying. I knew she felt something, but if she wanted to play this out as if it was nothing special, then that’s what we’d do. I had to remember to thank my new found friend for her advice. “Yeah,” she finally said, nodding her head hesitantly. “We should be friends.” The words she spoke were only words because the look in her eyes said the opposite. “Alright,” I offered her a smile and loved how her throat bobbed when she swallowed hard. “Now, if you don’t mind, I think I’m gonna go lay down for a bit. My head is killing me and I’m supposed to meet someone at the bar tonight.” Liz’s eyes grew wider and she quickly looked away to hide her reaction, but I’d seen it clearly. “Already making friends,” she said with a forced smile, “always the charmer.” “She kicked my ass in pool twice, so I think she felt bad for me.” I shrugged, “She’s giving me a rematch tonight. You can never have too many friends.”

“No you can’t,” she agreed with a tight smile. The fireball that was waiting on my doorstep only moments ago was gone. In her place was someone know so unsure of her earlier argument. It was refreshing really to know and now have confirmation of the feelings she held bottled up inside. “Maybe I’ll see ya around,” I said as I stood tall and began backing her out of the door. I used my body to usher her out the door and took the opportunity to check her out when her back was to me. My hands itched to touch her again, hell they had since she left my hotel in the early hours of the morning after our night together. “Bye,” she said timidly and in that moment, it was hard not to say everything that was rolling through my mind. I knew it would only send me ten steps back if I did, so I continued the charade. “Bye Liz,” I offered her a wave as I shut my door. I stood in the doorway for a moment, looking through the blinds, her shadow still present. She remained there for a moment and even lifted her hand as if she’d thought of knocking again. After a few more seconds passed, she turned and walked away and I leaned my forehead against the door. The woman was nothing like my ex. I’d spent four years fawning over Holly, forming my life around her’s. Everything I did, everything I wanted was what she had convinced me I wanted. The first time I made a choice to do something I wanted without consulting her first, she broke my heart. I don’t even think the sheets in our bed had cooled before she’d replaced me. The plan was for her to join me after I got my orders, but then it all went to shit. She’d ended things over a Skype call and told me I forced her to cheat. Me. As if I made her fill our bed with another man and repeatedly screw him. Since then I’ve kept things casual in all my conquests, until Liz. She triggered a need inside me that I’d buried long ago. She was sarcastic and cocky, but when she opened up, it was like nothing I’d ever seen before. That sweet, caring side of her was a side I wanted more then anything to experience over and over. It was beautiful.



Chapter Five LIZ

“How does it feel?” I turned around at the sound of my mother’s voice. Standing beside her was Elle and Nicole, two of my biggest cheerleaders. “It feel amazing,” I confessed as I held up my diploma. “No more professors, no more late night term papers.” I closed my eyes and let my head float from side to side in my impression of a relieve little dance, my smile growing wider. “Now that the Youth Center Director position is all mine, I am gonna so kick ass at this adult stuff.” My mother laughed and I opened my eyes to find her smiling at me with pride in her eyes. She moved forward, wrapping her arms around me and holding me close. “I’m so proud of you,” she said and tears pooled in my eyes. “You’ve always been my tough girl, so head strong and determined.” I look over her shoulder to see both Elle and Nicole observing us with matching smiles on their face. “Thank you momma,” I whispered hugging her a little tighter. “But everything I am, I’ve gotten from you.” Just then a tiny little beast came barreling through the crowd and wrapped her little arms around my legs, causing me to step back and create some distance between me and my mother. “Time for cake,” Tori screamed making me laugh, “lots and lots of cake.” I laughed when Nicole groaned, displeased with what she knew would take place. I had this thing where I allowed Tori all the things her mother normally held back on. I spoiled her and I loved it. I was the cool Aunt, the one that was more like a best friend than anything. I knew one day, if I ever had children, Nicole would pay me back. I’d deal with that if the time ever came, for now, I’d just keep spoiling her. I reached down and lifted Victoria up and gave her a hug. “Lots and lots of cake”, I repeated her words and her eyes grew wide with excitement. “Ice cream too,” she asked. “Uh, yeah,” I agreed. “What kind of celebration would it be without strawberry ice cream and chocolate sauce?” “Tonight she stays at your house,” I looked up to find Ryker now standing next to Nicole, his arm securely wrapped around her. I fully intended to toss them both some much needed sass, but all words escaped my mind in an instant. My heart

raced when I seen Ben standing only a few steps back, a taut blue shirt stretched over his chest. He wore the blue jeans I loved seeing him in, the ones that seemed to mold to his body perfectly. I remember the body that was hidden beneath those clothes, with great detail and the heat rose in my necks and cheeks almost immediately. Our eyes connected for only a moment before I forced myself to look away. “I’d be happy to keep her,” I said looking back toward Ryker and Nicole, doing my best to ignore Ben. “We’ll stay up all night long, watching movies and eating junk food.” I lowered Tori to the ground taking her hands in mine. “We can dance and paint each others toes. What do ya say, you wanna spend the night with Aunt Liz?” The moment I said the words, she began jumping up and down, “Girls’ night!” “My favorite kind of nights,” I assured her only making that tiny smile of hers grow. “Okay everyone, back to our house for cake and ice cream,” my mother announces ushering us all toward the parking lot. I was fully aware of the man behind me, as he followed close. I had yet to say anything to him, unsure of exactly what to say. Things were weird now or so the felt. I know to I only had myself to blame for that. The last time I saw him he practically shoved me out his door, telling me all about his date for that evening. That was a week ago. I was too afraid to ask about that date, or any others he may have shared with this blond girl he met at the bar. Arab wasn’t a large town, I knew most likely I’d know the girl, if I saw her. The thing was, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see her. Especially with him, which is exactly why I’ve avoided the place or most public places other than school for the last week. Hiding out seemed more logical in my mind. I never said my logistics made sense to anyone other than myself that is. But they were mine and up until now, they’ve kept my heart safe. “Congratulations,” I jumped in surprise at the sound of Ben’s soft whisper near my ear. In the process I may have raised my hand and I may have made contact with his nose. Okay there was no may about it, I did. “Damn,” he groaned. I spun around, reaching out to press my hand to his arm. “I am so sorry,” I apologize trying not to laugh at the fact that his eyes were watering so bad, one single tear was now trailing down his cheek. “If that is the reaction you give when someone is saying something nice, I’d hate to see what you do if someone’s mean.” Ben closed his eyes tight and wiggled his nose as if trying to control the burn I’m sure my hand caused. “I said I was sorry,” I told him, only the laughter that followed surely contradicted

my words. When he arched a brow, I knew that he was thinking the same thing. I pressed my lips together so tight, attempting to hide the smile, but failed. “Did you punch him?” Nicole asked from behind me, and I looked over my shoulder. “No,” I gasped. “She punched you?” This time it was Ryker. “Why did you punch him?” Now it was Elle’s turn followed by my mother. “Elizabeth Renee Berfield!” I hung my head feeling exhausted over the five-seconds of sporadic concern fest on Ben’s behalf. When I lifted my head, I found each one of them staring at me as if I was the devil. “I didn’t punch him,” I said turning back to Ben, “tell them.” I insisted as I pleaded with him. “Felt like a punch,” he tried to hide his smile, but I caught it. I narrowed my eyes, as I thought of actually punching him for real. When I realized there was no way out of this, due to the fact that Ben still played it out looking all wounded, I shook my head. I ran a few choice words through my mind before I bent down, snatched up the only sane person besides myself in the bunch, and walked off with Tori in hand. “Come on kid,” I told her, “you’re more grown up than the rest of them.” She giggled and I refused to look back at the group behind me. *** “Please don’t swing,” Ben said as he cautiously sat in the empty seat next to me. “I’d keep your guard up,” I replied, still focused on the coloring book before me. For the last hour I’d been filling the pages of Victoria’s coloring book at her request. She’d take one side, I got the other and once those were complete, she’d flip the page. The distraction was appreciated as it kept me from watching Ben interact with my friends and family as if he’s always been a part of our lives. He fit in so perfectly laughing and joking with them. You’d never guess that my mother and sister had only met him once before. Now here he was sitting so close, I could smell his cologne and it made it almost impossible not to breathe in that masculine scent. That was one thing I remembered fondly of our night together. Benjamin Keaton smelled amazing. As in mouthwateringly manly and it turned me on more than I’d ever admit to out loud. “I told them you didn’t hit me,” he added.

“Yeah,” I shot back without looking up. “Only after a couple hours of letting them believe I had punched you in the nose. After they all looked at me as if I was the worst person in the world.” “I think we all know you aren’t the worst person,” Ben leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table bringing his body in closer. It was then that I looked up and met his gaze “Not even close.” The way he looked at me, caused an uncontrollable shiver to rush through me. Just another one of the many things I found I absolutely loved about Ben. The way he watched me, as if mesmerized by my every move, calculating each breath I took. I had never been looked at that way, never been observed the way he’d done so. “So now that you’ve graduated, what is it you’ll be doing with your life?” I realized I was staring at his mouth, when he licked his lower lip and my eyes shifted toward his. He didn’t say anything further only continued to wait for me to respond. “The youth center,” I said a little more rushed than intended. “They’ve hired me as the new director. Since I’ve majored in Child Psychology and minored in Business it covers pretty much every angle.” “Impressive,” his smile grew. “So what about you?” I asked redirecting the attention off of me. “Now that you’ve gotten settled in Arab, what do you plan to do with your life?” “Got a job with Ryker,” he smiled proudly, “You are looking at the new engineering supervisor, I started last week. I didn’t have to wait months to get bumped up to a supervisor like he did.” “Starting out as a boss,” I said with a nod, “nice.” Tori had deserted me to run off and climb up into Ryker’s lap. She was curled in tight, her arms around his neck as he held her close. Her eyes drooping tiredly. “She’s a sweet kid,” I looked back toward Ben to find him looking at the same things I just was. “She’s a great kid,” I added. Another silence settled over us before Ben spoke once again. “You want kids one day?” I’d love to be a mother, only it was the kids that got caught in the middle when things fell apart. Innocent little hearts that get broken when the adults in their lives can’t get their shit together. “Nah,” I offered without looking at him. I was fearful he’d see the lie in my eyes. “I’m completely happy with just being the cool aunt that gets to spoil them before sending them back home.”

“You’d be an amazing mom,” Ben declared making my chest tighten. “That girl loves you and the way you are with her…” He didn’t continue and I’m glad he let the topic fade. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take from the one man that for the briefest of times, I allowed myself to imagine a life with.



Chapter Six

BEN

“You going to Lucy’s tonight?” Ryker asked as we drove toward Arab. Carpooling was just easier considering we both started and finished each day at the same time. “Yeah,” I said stretching out my long legs before me. “I’m picking up Khloe and her friend Shauna before heading over.” “Friend as in?” Ryker asked, yet didn’t fully ask the question I know was rolling through his mind.. “No Shauna isn’t her girlfriend, just a friend.” I clarified. “She’s actually been hinting around about setting the two of us up, but I don’t know.” “What’s not to know?” “She’s nice,” I said, “just not sure if she’s my type.” Shauna was cute, and the couple of times we’ve all hung out, she was fun. But she wasn’t Liz. I didn’t that pull whenever she was near. “You’re into her aren’t you?” Ryker asked and I shook my head. “No, I’m not,” I stated clearly. “Not her,” Ryker said with a chuckle, “Liz.” I didn’t answer right away, instead I let his question linger in my mind. Yes, I was into her. I had been ever since she took the phone from Ryker the night I called him and gave me all that confident sass of hers. She was a nameless girl, but I didn’t have to see her to know she’d be someone who’d knock me on my ass. She made an impact on me with one simple phone conversation. After one night with Liz, all my thoughts were confirmed. She’d made an impression all right, and no matter how hard I tried to move passed it, I couldn’t let it go. “Yeah,” I finally replied. Only one word because Ryker knew me better than most. After Holly fucked me over, the idea of commitment was something I swore I’d never fuck with again. Now this bombshell of a woman had me thinking that another round may be worth it. If the person I was committing to was Elizabeth that is. “I’ve known Liz practically my entire life. She’s got a lot of trust issues that stem back to her childhood. Things that she watched her parents go through gave her

little hope for love, commitment and forevers.” Ryker didn’t look away from the road ahead as he continued. “But I have never met a person more loyal and compassionate. She hides it well, but her heart is so full of love. She stood by Nicole during a time that most would have wiped their hands clean and went on living their own life without a second thought.” “I got a glimpse of that girl during my first visit,” I confessed. Normally I don’t talk about the woman I saw. Not that there have been any to talk about since Holly, but this was Ryker. We spent years side by side protecting one another, sharing things most would feel they had to hide. Ryker was someone I trusted with my life, he had my back and I in turn would always have his. “It wasn’t just about sex that night, it was so much more.” I thought of the way she let me hold her through the night. The way she held me in return as if I was her lifeline. Until the morning hours came, then she began to push me away. “There’s so much more to her than what she allows those around her to see. I am willing to wait until she see’s that too.” I would spent months, even years without the company of a woman. I’d treat this situation like a mission, and Liz was the target. In the end, I would conquer. *** Khloe and Shauna had already been drinking when I picked them up. I could instantly tell when Shauna slid into the cab of my truck and practically smashed her body to mine. The smell of alcohol on her breath was heavy. She leaned in close, her face only inches from mine. “You always smell so good,” she cooed and I found myself leaning back just a little to gain some space. “Slow down girl,” Khloe told her as she gripped her shoulders and pulled her back from me. She offered me an apologetic smile, before reaching over Shauna’s lap to buckle her in followed by doing the same to herself. I drove toward Lucy’s thinking that maybe tonight’s plans were something I should back out on. Normally Shauna was reserved and quiet. She’s always seemed shy, but give the girl some alcohol and that version of her flies right out the window. There was a time or two during the ride she’d lean into me, laying her head on my shoulder as she looked up at me. Once, she slid her hand up my thigh and I placed mine over hers to stop her from the path I was sure she was on. Somehow having my dick grabbed by a drunk chick wasn’t something I preferred at the moment. Once we were parked and Khloe had pulled Shauna out of the passenger side, we began walking toward the front entrance. I didn’t miss the cute little white convertible that was parked near the front of the parking lot. Knowing that Liz was inside both frightened me and excited me. Tonight could go one of two ways. She could get pissed that I was there with two women, or be thankful that I was with two women.

I preferred the jealousy over the dismissal, because her being bothered by my current company meant I had a chance with her. The music spilling out of the bar was loud. The laughter was hidden beneath the band, but you could see it on the faces of those that danced and walked throughout. Call it a pull or an undeniable attraction, but the moment I stepped inside I instantly found Elizabeth in the crowd. She stood near the bar surrounded by her sister, Nicole and Ryker. There were a few others that I didn’t recognize, but one face sent an irritation through me I did my very best to control. The same guy that called her baby just before leading her out the door my first night in town. “Do you wanna go over?” Khloe leaned in closer so that I could hear her over the noise. I didn’t respond, just began walking in their direction reining in the unwarranted possession I felt. Ryker looked up as I approached and he gave me that ‘tone it down’ look he used often. I got it, I knew what he was referring to. With a nod, I assured him things were fine. “Hey,” I said just as I stepped up to Nicole’s side. Immediately she turned around and reached out to offer me a friendly hug. She was starting to show more and more, the small baby bump she once had looked more like a basketball beneath her shirt. “Glad you came,” she says just as she steps back and moved into Ryker’s arms. Of course the guy grew needy after she just hugged another man. It made me smile, but I knew I’d be the same way, if I had a girl. That thought had me instantly seeking out Liz. She looked nervous now, as she picked at the label on her bottle. “Still celebrating?” I ask as I reached out and tap her hand. The same hand that gripped the neck of the beer bottle tighter than necessary. She looked up from the place she focused at on the bottle she held and offered me a tight smile. “Yeah,” she says just as her eyes shift to my left. I follow her movements and find that both Shauna and Khloe have stepped in closer to me. “Hey guys, this is Khloe and Shauna,” I introduced the gang to them as well and they all began to socialize. Everyone except Liz. She still lingered quietly observing the girls. She’d smile on occasion, as if she was an actual part of the conversation but never truly interacted. She was too busy watching Shauna as she leaned into me, or laughed at something I said. Maybe I should have stopped her after the first time she touched me, but I found I actually enjoyed seeing some type of reaction out of Elizabeth. It meant that she actually did feel something for me, otherwise she wouldn’t have cared. Shauna’s touches were innocent at first. She would grab my arm or shoulder to

stabilize herself. But after a few more drinks, she began to get a little more brave. That liquid courage made the normally quiet girl a lot less quiet. She’d now moved on to pressing her hand to my stomach as she rested her head on my chest. Then she would take the beer from my hands and lift it to her own lips, as she looked back at me, daring me to stop her. When I didn’t, she swallowed the contents and held it back out to me while biting her bottom lip flirtatiously. I only laughed, but it wasn’t for the reason I’m sure she was thinking. She just surprised me is all. That beer was now lost to me, as I held it in my hands never taking another drink. After a while, Ryker noticed and finally ordered another, swapping it out for me when he thought no one was paying attention. I was wrapped up in conversation with Ryker and a guy I now knew as Greg, the bartender. I was no longer paying attention to Shauna or even Khloe for the matter, but I was still fully aware of Liz standing only a few feet away from me. I had purposely positioned myself so that I could watch her. I didn’t like the quietness she’d taken on tonight, it ate away at me. Liz was outgoing, and though she was loud, she was the kind of girl that most wanted around. Her distant attitude was something I didn’t care for. Without thinking, I reached out and gripped her waist pulling her closer as I stepped to the side. A look of surprise covered her face, but she didn’t pull away. “Why so quiet,” I asked her, looking directly into her eyes. A smile tugged at her mouth as she shrugged her shoulders. “The Liz I remember is never quiet.” I was referring to our night together, but I let her think what she wanted. “Just quietly observing that’s all,” she finally told me. Still she didn’t pull away. The way I held her close was not intimate, but more of a friendly hug. I didn’t want to push her to the point that she avoided me again. Though my body was screaming out to make her understand how I wanted her, my mind was reminding me that Liz was strong willed and determined to be independent. “A woman like you should never stand back and observe,” I tell her gaining a quizzical stare. “You belong right up front, in the center of it all.” “Although that is what a psychologist does, I’ll bite and just for the hell of it I’ll ask, why’s that?” She was playing along, so I didn’t hesitate. “Beautiful woman should never stay hidden,” I tell her, my eyes shifting to her lips uncontrollably. Those lips were magical, I remember them well. “Your dates are going to get upset with you if you continue paying more attention to me then them.” So she was jealous. I should correct her and tell her that they were just the two women I came with, but instead I left it alone remembering what Khloe had suggested. “In fact that one’s watching you very close right now, so maybe you should let me go.” “Don’t want to,” I replied with a smile. “I like you right where you are.”

Liz then played the same card Shauna did earlier and reached out and took my cold beer from my hands. She lifted it to her lips, tilted it back and took a drink. As she lowered it, she’d left behind a small drop on her bottom lip and for a second I wanted nothing more than to use my own tongue to catch it. Only, she did it first. I wasted no time retrieving the bottle and took a drink from it. The idea of my lips covering the very spot hers just was exactly what I wanted. If I couldn’t kiss her, this was the closest thing. “You keep it up and you’ll be going home alone tonight,” she assured me once again looking over my shoulder. “I planned on going home alone, just as I have every night since I moved here.” She seemed surprised by my declaration. “Unless of course a certain person decides to join me, then I’ll definitely make an exception to that rule.” I noticed the way her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard. I loved how I could get to her. She would never admit it and I knew that, but Elizabeth Berfield felt something for me. Something I planned on getting her to accept one way or another.



Chapter Six

LIZ

I had been more distracted than usually since Friday night. My mind was all over the place torn between my wants and my fears. Ben had consumed my thoughts. Was it worth the possible heartache? Taking a chance and letting him in may lead to me being lost and destroyed in the end, but then again, I could get lucky enough to find even a small piece of what Nicole found with Ryker. A big part of me wanted to take that chance, but then those memories of my father and mother would replay in my mind, bringing me right back to square one. Which is where I’ve found myself. I was sitting at my desk, staring at the same financial statement I had been staring at for the last hour. I walked right into the world’s largest mess and had no idea how I was going to drag the youth center out of it. It would appear the Chief’s wife had no clue as to how to run a public funded facility. You actually had to accumulate the funds, apply for grants and involve the community in order to make that happen. You also had to collect the monthly dues of those that used the facility and make the people that rent out the gym for various reasons pay the damn bill. Now I had a long road ahead of me, which in the end would most likely make me the bad guy. Long overdue bills would be sent out, but it was what needed to be done. My dilemma was, I couldn’t wipe a certain someone from my mind long enough to focus not the task at hand. I look up when someone knocks on my door to find Nicole hovering in the entry. “Will you save me?” She asked, faking a pout. “Depends on what I’m saving you from?” “Ryker,” she said as she moved in and flopped down in the chair opposite my desk. “He says I work too much, won’t let me get out of the house, and insists I lay around all day on my days off.” I tried to fight my smile, but I love how protective he is over her and their unborn baby. “How are you here now then?” I asked. “I waited until he got in the shower, threw a note on the counter and darted out the door before he was out.” She shrugged. “I didn’t even make it down the road before my phone was ringing.”

This time I laughed as I imagined Ryker running around frantically throughout their place with a towel around his waist in search of Nicole. Maybe I shouldn’t imagine him in a towel, but cut me some slack, the man was fine. At least I had him wearing something. “I told him that I was coming to hang out with you for a while and to not follow me,” Nicole added, but the smile on her face showed just how much she loved his attention. “So like I said save me, put me to work, something. I need a break.” “Okay fine, you can help me get through all these past due bills,” I said thrusting a file thicker than my thigh at her. Her eyes went wide as she took it and then looked back at me. “Yeah, I know.” She began folding the invoices and placed them into the appropriate envelopes, looking completely happy doing something other than sitting at home. I wished I could share her enthusiasm. This was not what I imagined when I took on this position. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, when I was finally able to distract my thoughts and fully dedicate my mind to the task at hand. That was until my annoying, but very loved, best friend decided to break my concentration. “So Ben looked good Friday night.” My back was to her, but I could only imagine the innocent look on her face. Let me clue you in on something, she was nowhere near innocent. She liked to say I was nosy, but she had us all beat. “Leave it alone Nicole,” I said still keeping my back to her. I already knew she wouldn’t do as I asked. “Do you remember how pushy you were when Ryker returned from town? As in, each time I turned around both you and Elle had somehow included him in on whatever it was we were doing.” Oh yes I remember, but our plan worked out to her benefit. “So this is me returning the favor.” She added. “Well, I don’t need you to do me any favors,” I looked over my shoulder and narrowed my eyes. “You and Ryker were different. You had a past, you two loved one another even though you decided to be pigheaded and stubborn.” “You have the pigheaded part perfected,” she mumbled, but I heard her clearly. I let her words die between us, but I could almost feel her eyes burning a hole in the back of my head. “You know he’s not dating either of those girls,” she finally spoke again. “How do you know?” I asked instantly regretting the engagement. “Let me see,” she replies sarcastically. “My husband is his best friend, they are together almost daily and,” she paused causing me to turn completely around to face her. I shouldn’t show interest, but I can’t help it. “I asked him.” “You asked him,” I repeated and she nodded.

“Khloe isn’t into men if you know what I mean,” she went back to stuffing envelopes, but never stopped talking. “They met the first night he was here after you left with Paul.” I felt the guilt hit me once again, though I shouldn’t feel guilty, I still did. “She befriended him and they’ve been hanging out ever since. Shauna though is interested in Ben, as in very interested.” My stomach knotted at the thought. “Only he told Ryker that he isn’t interested in her in the same way. Friends yes, but nothing more.” “She didn’t get that memo,” again I wanted to slap myself for engaging. “So you noticed,” she smiled happily still looking down at the paper in her hands. “ I thought you did.” “Will you stop looking so happy about it?” I rolled my eyes twisting back around to my computer. “Will you stop being so stubborn and admit that you feel something for him?” She fired back with her own request. “Because this continuous denial of what you truly want is so annoying.” “Then stop worrying about it,” I was being mean, but I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I’ve thought about it every single minute since the last time I saw him. Hell, I even caught myself dreaming of it too. I was burned out and honestly, needed something else to think about. “I’ll stop worrying about it when you stop making all your life decisions based on what happened with your parents.” There you have it. That was what I got for arguing with someone that knew me better than any other person did. Nicole and I have been friends since we were in kindergarten. She stood by me when it all fell apart and listened to me swear over and over that I would never allow myself to go through the same things my mother did. I couldn’t deny that the reason I held back was due to the things I saw and heard as a child, not with her. She knew. “Ben’s not your dad,” Nicole added and the words made my chest tighten. “He’s had his fair share of heartbreak. I just think you’re making a mistake by pushing him away.” I took in a deep breath, my shoulders sagged as a feeling of defeat hit me. “I’ll mess it up,” I confessed, “someway, somehow I’ll do or say something to screw it all up. He’ll get tired of me and then it will all come to an end. That part terrifies me.” “Tell him,” she insists. “Be honest with him, instead of continuing on with this ‘I don’t want the things he wants’ charade. It’s kind of unfair to him that you won’t give him a chance to prove to you he’d understand.” It was times like these that I wished she didn’t know me so well. It would make ignoring her words so much easier.





Chapter Seven

BEN

I rushed from my bedroom, hopping along on one foot toward my front door. I yanked it open and found Ryker standing in the doorway holding Victoria, who wore a fluffy pink dress. In fact, the fluff was so elaborate that Ryker’s arms and chest were hidden in the madness. “Look at you,” I said reaching out to tap the end of her nose. “Like a princess.” “Daddy got it for me,” she stated proudly and Ryker’s smile grew. He may not be her biological father, but you’d never know. He’d loved Tori as if he’d been there everyday of her life, raising her and nurturing her. The day Tyler Murphy decided to sign over his rights as her father giving Ryker that role, was one of my best friend’s most memorable days. I still remember that call, the one where he shared an emotional tearful declaration of his love for the sweet little blond haired girl that was now legally his daughter. It still got to me every time I saw the two of them together. “It’s my birthday,” she added regaining my attention. “I know,” I replied as I turned around and pointed toward the big box that sat on my coffee table. I wrapped it pink paper and a bow that almost matched the poof of her dress. “That is yours.” She squealed in delight as she tried to wiggle free from Ryker’s hold. “Not until your party,” he tells her. “Which, if Uncle Goofball doesn’t get a move on, we’re gonna be late for.” “And Momma will be mad,” Tori added making both Ryker and I laugh. “That she will be princess,” Ryker states as he reached out and pushed my shoulder. “Get a move on man, when Momma gets mad, Daddy gets lonely if you know what I mean.” I knew exactly what he meant and I could sympathize, I was lonely as fuck. The drive across town toward Allan’s house was full of Tori and her giggles. The excitement that flowed off of her was contagious. Hell, I was excited. Mine of course was more related to Aunt Liz as Tori continued to say. Apparently Liz had decorated and made her cake with May, her mother. I still couldn’t understand how someone that obviously loved kids couldn’t one day want her own. When we pulled into the driveway of Nicole’s father house, it looked like a bottle

of Pepto Bismol had exploded. I have never in my life seen so much pink in one location. “Wow,” I said because honestly, it was all I could think of. “Yeah,” Ryker added looking at the house in equal amazement. Even though the guy was all frilly and lace, I think he was even shocked. Round two was coming for the poor guy as Nicole just found out recently they were having another girl. A hell of a lot more pink was coming his way. I opened the truck door and reached out to take Tori who practically leaped from the cab and into my arms. She wiggled and squirmed as I lowered her to the ground and she took off like a bullet toward the house. She Bypassed Nicole who had just hobbled down the steps. She leaped toward her grandpa and he caught her mid air. Seeing Allan always made me miss my own father, and reminded me that because I left home didn’t mean I couldn’t still visit. I lifted my present for Victoria from the back of Ryker’s truck and just as I turned back around toward the house, I froze. Liz stood next to her mother and sister and the resemblance of the three of them was uncanny. The Berfield women were definitely a pleasant site. They stood out, radiantly beautiful. “You coming to the party or you plan on standing out here all day and perving on the woman?” Ryker pushed against my shoulder as he moved forward leaving me alone to gather my wits. “Smart ass,” I mumbled with a smile on my face as I too followed behind. It was almost as if Liz felt me coming as she looked toward me and the smile she wore made me falte for just a second. I wanted nothing more than to be the one making her smile like that Bigger actually, and brighter. “Hey Ben, it’s nice to see you again,” May said happily as she stepped up and pulled me in for a hug. I willingly returned one, as I watched Liz’s reaction to her mother’s. As May stepped back, Elle stepped forward also offering me a hug, “She is a pain in the ass, but don’t give up on her,” she whispered just before she stepped back and offered me a wink. There I stood, still staring back at Liz, her eyes locked on mine. “Do I get a hug from you too?” I asked. “Not sure yet,” she threw back at me with a little bit of sass. “I don’t give them out as easily as these two.” She motioned toward her mom and sister. “Oh sweetheart then you are missing out,” May tossed right back, “because that man smells good.” I felt the heat rise in my cheeks as both Elle and Liz burst out laughing at their mother’s words. Of course, May looked at the both of them as if they’d lost their minds. “What?” She asked. “He does.” “That’s exactly what Liz says too,” Elle threw in just before she darted out of the

way when Liz reached out for her. I, of course, was now intrigued by the knowledge that Liz talked about me. “You think I smell good do ya?” I teased her as I stepped in closer. “Ben,” she said holding up her hand to stop me, but I kept advancing. When she attempted to step backwards herself, she found that she was trapped between the tables and the porch. “Stop,” she ordered and then laughed. Liz of course narrowed her eyes at me, but I was beyond caring. I wanted to feel her even if it was only for a split second. By this point, both May and Elle had slipped away and it was only the two of us. “Just one hug,” I said as I held out my arms to her. “Then I’ll make it easy for you to ignore me.” She didn’t smile which is what I intended for her to do. Instead she lowered her head and stepped closer, her face pressing against my chest. “I don’t want to ignore you,” she confessed and my heart did that crazy leap thing it always did when it came to Liz. “And you do smell good.” I wrapped my arms around her and for a second, just held her close. I didn’t care what anyone else thought or whispered behind us, I just accepted what she was offering. “For the record,” I whispered near her ear, “I think you smell good too.” I felt her body shake against mine and I knew she was laughing. That tightness in my chest let up just a little hearing her happiness. “You’re such a goof,” she said though her words were slightly muffled by that fact that her face was still tucked in tightly to my chest. “But it only makes me like you more.” I stopped laughing and felt as if I may have heard her wrong. “I’m a mess when it comes to this type of thing,” she added as she finally lifted her head and looked up at me. “I’ve spent so long avoiding any type of attachment that I honestly don’t know what to do with the feelings I have for you.” “Are you done then?” I asked feeling my hands shake as I tried to hold back the urge to kiss her. “Done with what?” “Are you done pretending that you don’t feel something for me? Done pretending that our one night together was more than just two people having a little fun?” I wanted to say more but held back. “It was pretty fun though,” she added with a smirk. I shook my head at her sassiness, “It was a whole lot more than just fun.” I corrected her. “I’ve been patiently waiting for you see me, but now I’m done waiting.” I lowered my lips to hers, but didn’t miss the flash of panic in her eyes

just before our lips touched. It didn’t take long for her to give in, and she lifted her hands up to cup the back of my neck. Here was the girl I remember. The one who gave herself over to me without hesitation. The same girl that rocked my world over and over, leaving me to crave her every fucking day since. I heard someone say it’s about damn time, just before a woman laughed. It may have been Nicole, but I wasn’t sure. The last thing I was gonna do was pull away long enough to look. It had taken me this long to get Liz to stop being so damn resistant. I was going to take it all in for now. She finally pulled back and I rested my forehead to hers, watching her close. I refused to allow her to say this was a mistake. “There is a lot you don’t understand about me,” she finally whispered painfully. “I’m worried I’ll mess this up. I’m not sure I know how to have this type of connection with someone.” “Then we go slow,” I assured her. “We talk and you tell me what it is you fear the most. In turn, I’ll do everything I possibly can to make sure that neither of us does anything to mess this up. But you have to talk to me Liz, I need to understand what has you so worried.” “Later,” she assured me and for now, I have to take her word on it. I stole one last kiss causing her to smile as I stepped back and we both turned to face our audience. The girls were smiling, Alan had Victoria entertained near the table of presents and Ryker offered up the cheesiest fucking smile I’d ever seen. “Yeah, yeah,” Liz said waving her hand around in front of her. “Move on now, there is nothing to see here.” I linked my fingers with hers, lifted her hand to my mouth and pressed a kiss against her palm. The smile she gave me in return was the one I’d wished for only moments ago. Then that same rush of excitement, the one that made my chest tighten and my legs wobble, returned. This girl was going to bring me to my knees, and I was so ready to fall.



Chapter Eight

LIZ

“There is a tall, handsome and might I add dreamy hunk of a man waiting just outside for you.” I try not to laugh at the wide eyed expression of the teenage girl standing in my doorway. She was awestruck apparently and the way she was smiling had to cramp her cheeks. “Did you get his name?” I asked already knowing who it was. Her smile faltered as she looked back over her shoulder and then to me once more. “I forgot to ask,” she said with a high pitched voice. “I guess I was distracted.” It was my turn to smile, “Believe me when I say I know exactly how that can happen.” She looked a little relieved. “His name is Ben and you can send him in.” With a nod of her head, she stepped out and within seconds he appeared in the open doorway. “Good morning,” he said as he moved in and sat on the edge on my desk. His large frame practically swallowing up the surface beneath him. “You avoiding me again?” “No,” I leaned back and crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ve actually been busy.” He watched me close as if I would somehow show him I was lying. Arching my brow I remained in place and his smile grew wider. “Have lunch with me,” he said, he didn’t ask. “Busy,” I replied holding up the stack of papers on my desk and giving them a little shake. “Dinner then,” he continued to try. “I’ll even bring it to you if you can’t get away.” “What are we having?” I ask still not yet agreeing. “What do you want?” He asks his eyes remain locked on mine. A mischievous smirk covering his lips. Ben and I had developed this little flirty game, we’ve pretty much mastered it. I knew he wanted me, and I wanted him, that was never the issue. I just had to learn to get past this hesitance inside of me that was always reminding me of what could go wrong. “Steak,” I finally say ignoring the flutter in my stomach. “Seasoned vegetables

and garlic roasted potatoes.” “Can we forego the garlic?” He asks, “I kinda wanna kiss you later and I don’t want any excuses from you. If I add garlic in the mix, well I’m setting myself up for disappointment.” I couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up and spilled from me. “You’re insane,” I told him. “For you, yes,” he added and the humor instantly left me. I still wasn’t sure how to react when he said things like that to me. It excited me, I’m not gonna pretend it didn’t. But it also gave me that rush of anxiety that set forth the need to backtracked, slipping away from the situation that was developing between us. As if Ben knew the thoughts rolling around in my mind, he stood up and came around the side of my desk. Kneeling down, he placed his hands on my knees and forced me to look at him. “I need you to accept that I’m gonna say things like that to you. I won’t lie to you, and I won’t hide the way I feel.” I tried to turn away from him, but he slid his hand up my legs and held them firmly. “I think we have a long overdue talk that needs to be done. So you come to my place after you get done here, maybe six.” He waited for me to argue and when I didn’t he continued. “I’ll make us dinner and then we’ll go over all the things that make you want to run away from me.” I looked away from him because when he spoke the words I could see the frustration in his eyes. “I know that’s what you want Liz, but I won’t let you.” I knew he wasn’t lying, he was determined and had been since the day we met. Text messages, phone calls and now visits like these. His palms slid over my thighs, up along my hips and around my waist. “Just promise me something,” he asks. When I start to shake my head, he leans in closer, his eyes boring into mine. “Promise me you’ll try.” “I am trying,” I said. “No,” he smiled but I could tell it didn’t reach his eyes. “You’re stalling.” I rolled my eyes at him, as if it was an uncontrollable reaction and he chuckled. “You can’t pump the brakes on this before you even give it a chance.” “I’m not,” I assured him. “I really have been busy.” “Okay, then dinner, tonight.” I nod my head and he seems pleased as he moves in and presses a kiss to the corner of my mouth. “If you don’t show up, I will come and get you.” With one more kiss, he stood tall and walked from the room without a glance

back. *** I could smell the steaks cooking the moment I climbed out of my car. I stopped off at the bakery on the way to Ben’s and when I couldn’t decide between the cupcakes or the cheesecake, I got both. I had never been more nervous than I was as I walked up the sidewalk toward his front door. It took a pep talk from Nicole, a nagging rant from my sister, and a motherly lecture from my mom to get me here, but the point was I was here. I may feel nauseous and my pulse may be racing, but this was a step in the right direction. Balancing the two containers of sugary goodness in one hand, I lifted my hand and after one deep breath I pressed the doorbell. I looked back over my shoulder toward the apartment just above Ben’s and almost wished that Nicole or Ryker would come outside at that moment and make this situation a little less intense. Ten to one they were both hovering near the window watching me at that moment waiting for me to bolt so they could tackle me. The apartment door before me came open and I nearly dropped the items I held. Ben was shirtless and wore only a pair of basketball shorts, those silk ones that hung very low on his waist. So low I could see the path that led to his very impressive“Hey,” he said pulling me out of my wet dream. “Here let me get those,” he reached out took the items from my hand and peered inside one. “This looks good.” “Yes it does,” I say before I can stop myself, but in no way was I referring to the desert he held. Heat rose in my cheeks and by the way, he was now smirking at me. I knew he understood I wasn’t talking about the cheesecake or cupcakes. “The steaks smell good,” I said attempting to even out the lust that now seemed to pool between us. “Come in,” Ben insisted, his voice appearing lower and deeper. That’s the bedroom voice I remembered from our night together. “I hope you’re hungry,” he added and as I passed him, I dig my nails into the palm of my hand to keep from reaching out for him. “Yes, I’m hungry.” I’m starving was what I really wanted to say. Only food was the furthest thing from my mind. Ben wasn’t just attractive, he was godly. The perfect mix of lean and muscle. His skin tone naturally tanned with the right amount of tattooed that gave him that bad boy vibe. My favorite part of Ben was his hands. Big strong hands. Most women would go for the obvious, his eyes or his smile. Don’t get me wrong, he had gorgeous eyes and the smile that could melt the panties off a nun. But, his hands were sinful. The memories of them roaming over my body, touching and exploring, so big and so powerful made my knees wobble.

“Want something to drink?” He asked as he steps around me and placed the containers on the counter. “I got water, beer and soda.” “Beer’s good,” I say as I scan over his apartment. The layout was exactly as Nicole’s but maybe a little smaller. His arm swoops in from behind me and he holds out the beer before me. I could feel his chest against my back and part of me wanted to lean back in to him to gain more but I stood tall. “It’s small, but then again it’s just me, so it’s enough,” he says next to my ear. “Why are you so tense?” He finally asks and I do my best to act if he was imagining things. “I’m not,” I say, “just waiting for you to feed me.” The moment the words left my mouth, I realized just how dirty they sounded. His deep chuckle indicated her two caught the unintended vulgar meaning. “I’m willing to give you whatever you need in order to make you feel full,” he assures me and I turn around and shove against his chest. When he steps back, he reaches up and wraps his hand around my wrist holding it against his chest.With one swift tug, my body crashes to his and he places his other arm around my waist. “I’m playing, unless,” he wags his eyebrows. “You’re impossible,” I say but I can’t fight the smile taking over my lips. “I’m glad you’re here,” he says bending at the knees enough to bring himself I level with me. “Just relax, it’s all I want.” I nod my head, and he leans in to press a kiss against my forehead. “Now let’s go inspect the meat,” he added stepping back and I roll my eyes. Always a comedian, I thought as I followed him out the back door and onto the porch. It didn’t take long for me to relax. Ben had that effect on most people, he was just that guy. The one that most people turned to when they needed a friend. I’d only spent that one night with him months ago, but I’d been around Ryker enough to know that Ben was the man he relied on. I’d heard stories of them being deployed together and how without Ben, he wasn’t sure he would have made it out. Ben was loyal and part of me knew that he’d never willingly hurt me, but there was always that what if. That instance that is unavoidable, and that little part was enough to make me leery of moving forward without caution. “You wanna eat out here, or inside?” He asked. I looked around and found that the space was small and not so private. The apartment building behind him was less than fifty feet away. In fact, I could look through the back door of the apartment behind him and see a girl in skimpy shorts doing some type of exercise. Of course her ass was facing in our direction and it made me wonder how many times Ben had witnessed the very same thing.

I looked back at him, and must have had a readable expression on my face, because he begins to chuckle. “Inside it is,” he says holding up the plate with steak and waiting for me to stand. Just as we step inside he leans in and whispers near my ear. “Your ass is way hotter.” “So you have watched little miss bendy back there workout?” I was well aware that my attempt at humor failed and game out more as a jealous girl questioning his intentions. “Just once when she decided that she’d do yoga in the backyard.” He shrugs as he places the plate in the center of his small table. “She introduced herself while bent over and peeking through her parted legs.” He adds and I can’t help but roll my eyes. “Amateur move,” I say as I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the counter. “Oh yeah,” he says mirroring my movements only leaning back against the fridge. “How would you introduce yourself to me if I’d been a stranger moving in next door?” I knew he was challenging me to make a move. I also knew that he most likely felt like I’d bow out gracefully and brush it off as a waste of time. But there was something Benjamin Keaton needed to learn about me, I don’t back down from a challenge easily. I lowered my hands as I slowly moved across his small kitchen. My eyes locked on his, I stepped up before him and pressed my hand against his chest. The ripples of his chest hardened as he flexed beneath me. I ignored the movement knowing that he was most likely during it on purpose to gain reaction from me. Careful to move slow and teasingly, I lowered my palm as if memorizing the contours of his chest and abs along the way. When I felt the waistband of his shorts beneath my palm I looked up at met his gaze. The irises had darkened making his darker brown look more black. The way he was breathing, more deep intakes of breath assured me that my closeness had affected him just as I’d hoped. “I wouldn’t pull some bimbo move of flashing my ass, or other areas. I wouldn’t use the excuse of yoga outside,” I assured him. “I would walk right up to you, much like this. I’d introduce myself, and tell you that I think you’re very attractive.” His stare only intensified as I continue on. I lift my other hand and trace the contour of his jaw, making his eyes droop, enhancing that hooded stare. “I’d be completely honest with you and tell you that never has a man turned me on more than you. I’d leave you my number and tell you that if any of that sounds intriguing and you’d like to explore that, you should call me.” Just from the way he was looking at me, mix with that masculine smell of his I love so much, I

found I was managing to turn myself on much more than I intended to. When I attempted to step back, he wrapped his arm around my waist and held me in place. “Then I would tell you that I too had never met a woman that intrigued me the way you do.” He whispers as his nose skims over mine. “I’d tell you the no woman has ever made my heart race the way you do and I’d take you up on that offer to explore.” At this point we were both breathing heavy, our eyes locked on one another’s. “Those are the things I should have told you that night,” he whispered. “I should have told you that we may have only have that one night but in that time I knew that I wanted so much more from you. I came here for you.” I close my eyes tight, refusing to look at him any longer. How had my attempt at seduction turned so serious so fast? “I told you I’d never lie to you.” Ben still holds me close. “I came here not knowing how’d you react but willing to take a chance because you are worth it.” “You don’t know that,” I said finally, unable to hold back. “I do,” he says, “but now I need to make you see that.” My chest tightened, as my pulse raced. I close my eyes tight once more fighting off the feelings this man triggers inside me. I wasn’t prepared for Ben. I wasn’t ready for the fight he was willing to give. But I knew then it didn’t matter, because with or without my consent this man was going to give me no other choice.



Chapter Nine

BEN

I stood on the porch of the Berfield home dirty from work, but unable to stop myself from making it my first stop. Liz left my apartment last night looking slightly dazed from my continuous reminder that I wasn’t about to let her ignore the attraction between us. She, of course, made it a point to insist it was nothing more than lust and that she was sure it would one day fade. She was right in a sense, but wrong in so many ways too. Lust was a definite, but so was appeal, interest, desire, need and damn it to hell, my heart was involved too. It wouldn’t fade, I knew that already. So as I said, this woman would accept that we were more than lust alone, or I’d drive her so fucking crazy, l she would have no choice but open her eyes. I lifted my hand to knock once more and laughed when she jerked open the door and pushed her hip out as she brought her hand to rest there. “Are you lost?” She asked with an arch of her brow. “Now that you mention it I do feel a little lost,” I tell her as I lift my hand to press it over my chest. She rolls her eyes at me and I couldn’t hold back my laughter. Always the sassy one, I thought to myself as I step in closer. “We didn’t finish our conversation last night.” Liz, steps back trying to move away and I reach out and take her hand in mine, tugging her close. “You talked a lot last night,” she says and I can tell she is trying to hide the fact that I affect her, but I could see right through her mask. “I have a lot more to say,” I assure her, “but I was talking about you.” Her eyes widen just a bit. “I remember the promise of you sharing your fears. I wanna know what I’m up against Liz.” “You must like punishment,” she says and there was that sass once again. “If that’s what it takes to get through this wall you have up then I’ll gladly accept it. I’m not giving up and I’m not walking away.” Liz stared back at me blankly. “In the end we may end up being nothing more than the best of friends, but at least then I know we tried.” “Friends with a history,” she says with a forced grin. “One hell of an amazing night, yes,” I add and that forced grin turns into a full on

smile. “So what did you think, you were gonna show up here and force me to talk?” She asks. “Not force,” I correct, “just hope that I could kidnap you, take you to dinner, maybe a walk to break down your walls just a bit.” She arches her brow but I can see the playfulness still hidden in her eyes. “I could kiss you a time or two because that always seems to make you feel a little loopy momentarily.” She shoves against my chest and laughs. “I do not get all loopy,” she insists. “Whatever you say,” I agree to disagree. “However I wasn’t kidding about the kissing part. I can’t stop myself, I really like kissing you.” Her cheeks redden and I feel that familiar pride in my chest knowing that even for a split second I made Elizabeth Berfield feel something. “Where should I meet you?” She asks and without hesitation I shake my head no. “What?” she asks with a confused look on her face. “I’m leaving now, and you’re coming with me.” “Excuse me,” she argues. “I’m not a dumb man Elizabeth,” I see the instant glare she gives me when I say her full name. I’m well aware of the fast that she prefers Liz, though I’m not sure why yet. I like to fire her up though, it makes things interesting. “I plan on taking you with me now,” I tell her still holding her hand firmly in my own. “I’ll go home and shower,” I wink, “you can join me or not,” I pause weighing her reaction. I never expected her to actually join me, but again it was fun to watch her react. Her eyes narrowed but she said nothing. “You can also wait on the couch,” I shrug, “then we decide where we’ll go for dinner.” “What if I don’t want to go with you now?” She challenges me. “You have no choice sweetheart,” I assure her and I could see she was practically fuming now. “You’ll fight me on that I know, but I’ll win. You can come willingly or I’ll take you kicking and screaming. I just think that the neighbors, and your mom would prefer you come along willingly. But I’m game for either option.” “You’re impossible,” she states and I don’t argue. “Grab your things,” I tell her, “unless of course you want me to get your things for you.” “You are impossible,” she repeats before adding, “and extremely difficult.” “As are you,” I tell her refusing to give her the argument I know she was fishing for. She started to shut the front door and I stuck my foot out to block her. “We’ll just leave this open while I wait.”

She glared, her nostrils flared and she crossed her arms over her chest, only I smiled back at her. That only irritated her more. She uncrossed her arms, spun around on her heels and as she stormed off I swear I hear her growl, which of course only made me chuckle. I knew very well that had she refused, there would be no way to actually make her go. I also knew that she clearly enjoyed our interactions as much as I did, but refused to admit that. It was in Liz’s nature to argue and be difficult. I think she loved to challenge everyone and everything. I firmly believed that she had no idea how to live any other way. It was part of her appeal to me, which may sound odd, but I am a man who prefers things I have to fight for, I don’t like things handed to me. So when she stormed out of her front door, her bag in one hand and her cell phone in the other refusing to look at me, I shook my head. Give it some time and I knew I’d have her unable to hold back her smile, but again I knew I’d have to work for it. Which only made those smiles more special to me, because she didn’t give them to just anyone. *** I took my time in the shower, giving the flaming beauty that paced my living room just a little more time to flare out. Yes, I knew I’d have a battle, but I wasn’t ready for a war. I’d spent time in Iraq, Afghanistan, and even Syria for a short deployment, but I swear Elizabeth was one war I could never prepare for. The woman was stubborn, pigheaded, and damn near made me insane with frustration and those were her good days. Once I was out of the shower, I added deodorant and a splash of cologne before wrapping the towel loosely around my waist and stepping out of the bathroom. I was met with silence, no television, no irritated mumbles of how she was gonna knock me over the head with something hard and leave me behind to fend for myself. Those were the words she spoke when I slipped away only twenty minutes ago to hide beneath the warm spray of the shower. But there was one sound I could still hear, the clicking of those heels of her scrappy sandals. My girl, yes she is mine, she just don’t know it yet, was still pacing the floor. I moved into the living just about the time she turned and was walking in the opposite direction. Instead of speaking I waited and watched. Her ass shifted, as she took each step. Sometimes I wondered if she moved that way on purpose to gain attention. The extra shift, making her hips sway and bringing the attention to her perfect ass. But now I’d come to the conclusion it was just Liz. She had no idea just how amazing sexy she was. Or maybe she did know and it was all part of the ongoing torture. She reached the door and twisted once again on her heel only to come to an abrupt halt. I stood, leaning against the corner, my arms crossed over my bare chest. The

towel that hung on my waist, hung very low. So low that I was fully aware you could see more than I’m sure she bargained for. The moment her eyes dropped low to that very spot, I knew I was right. I almost laughed when her lips parted and the tension she held in her shoulders visibly melted before me. “You’re gonna wear a hole in the floor,” I say. “I uh,” she mumbles and her gaze lifts once more. “I just can’t, I don’t,” again she easily loses track of her words. “You what?” I asked eating up the fact that my fiery little woman was struck mute. It was a definite boost to my ego knowing she liked what she saw. Then again I do remember fondly her praise during our night together. She showed me in more ways than one just how pleased she was with my body and what I had to offer her. I stood still waiting for her to find a way out of this. I knew she would eventually but I simply loved witnessing her fumble. “You need to get some damn clothes on,” she said, trying her best to appear unaffected. I didn’t have the heart to tell her she was failing miserable. I could almost smell the desire pooling off her. “You sure about that?” It was then her stare met mine and she narrowed those gorgeous blue eyes at me. “Yes,” she said crossing her arms over her chest, “you wanted to talk, so we’ll talk and then after that, you’re taking me home.” It may be wrong of me to love the struggle I saw in her, but I did. I felt it too, so it only seemed fair I guess. So we’d talk, or she would and I’d listen, but I most definitely would not be taking her home afterward. But we’d handle that obstacle a little later.



Chapter Ten

LIZ

I was beginning to think there was a pattern here. A plan set forth to keep my mind hazy and my body temperature higher than the normal 98.6 degrees. Ben was obvious a smart man who knew exactly how to make a woman like me feel off kilter. It infuriated me. He did as I asked and slipped away to his room to get dressed. If you call replacing the towel with shorts the hung very low and forgoing the boxers beneath dressed. It made it real hard to concentrate when his friend was making an appearance and refusing to go away. He had to be partially hard. He had to. I shook my head as to clear my thoughts and he chuckled. “What did you say?” I asked trying very hard to hide the fact I was just checking out his packaged. But to my defense he was lounged back on the couch, his legs parted and again those damn shorts were entirely too low on his waist. “I asked you if you were going to take a seat and talk, since you refuse to let me take you to dinner first.” I wanted to argue, but honestly what was the point? By the arrogant look on his face he knew in the end I would give in and do as he asked. Why fight it? The moment I sit on the opposite end of the couch, as far away as possible, I’m engulfed with the aroma of his irresistible cologne. I closed my eyes for a split second and chastised myself for once again letting my mind wander to the far off place of devouring Ben in one hundred different ways. The man was without a doubt a walking aphrodisiac for women. “What do you want me to say?” I again try to remain irritated. I was slipping fast. “Whatever you wanna say,” he tells me. “Why is is so hard for you to try this with me? Why do you automatically assume it will end badly. You won’t even give it a shot, already damning it from the beginning.” “I don’t believe in forevers,” I say refusing to look at him. Looking at him will only give him a chance to see the hesitation in my eyes. There was a time, okay more than once, I let myself envision something more with Ben. The idea of what Nicole had with Ryker, the marriage, kids and having a man that treasured me.

“Scorned by a past lover?” Ben’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts. “No.” “Then what?” He asks. “There has to be something holding you back. Something keeping you from believing you deserve more than random men, a few wild nights and nothing more.” He was pushing and I was trying to figure out how to tell him without coming off as some crazed little girl trapped in a woman’s body. “There has to be some asshole out there that hurt you and ruined my chances because he was to fucking stupid to realize what he had.” “It wasn’t an ex-lover,” I say before I can stop myself. “I just had a really shitty father. A no good, sorry sack of shit that barely noticed he had kids, treated his wife like she was nothing and would rather spend his nights drunk at a bar, whoring himself out to random woman than being home with his family.” It was all said in a rush and I took in a deep breath knowing I’d said much more than I had planned. Frustration tends to get me in trouble, when it forces my mouth to get ahead of my brain. “I watched my mother suffer at the hands of my father for years. So many nights she’d wait up for him. She would welcome him, even though she knew what he’d been up to, just hoping for an ounce of his attention. It tore her down, it wrecked her.” I looked across the room focusing on a brass figurine of a soldier sitting on the shelf next to his television. “I swore I’d never go through that.” I say in a low voice, almost a whisper. “It broke her, slowly over time I watch the vibrant woman I knew change and wither into someone who’d lost hope. She fought to make it work, I think more for us than herself. In the end, she realized staying with him was hurting us more than if she’d ended it all.” Ben remained silent and I couldn’t turn to look at him. “I don’t want to be a woman trapped in a loveless relationship,” I continue. “I don’t want my children to ever know what it feels like to have a father who doesn’t want them. That is why I’ve decided to never have children, because they are the ones that get hurt most out of it all.” For a moment a silence settled over us and I was sure he was looking at me like I was some crazy chick with daddy issues. Then he spoke and I couldn’t help but look at him. “I have two brothers, both younger. I have a mother and father who still after twenty six years of marriage act as if they are newlyweds. That’s how love should be.” He leaned forward, placing his elbows to his knees, and linking his fingers together. “There hasn’t been a day in my life I’ve ever witnessed the two of them stay mad at one another for more than five minutes. They have bickered and have fought, but never to the point where anyone questioned their love and loyalty. That is the kind of life I want.”

Something inside my chest ached for him to keep talking. “Sometimes my brothers and I would get so tired of our parents fawning over each other, or us. Hell at times it was embarrassing.” He smiled and looked over at me. “But now all I picture is having those same things. The happy marriage that makes other envious. The love that makes my kids cringe when they think of their parents being that in love. I want that, I want that comfortable, settled, forever.” “You’re lucky you got to witness that kind of love,” I tell him, “because I don’t have a clue what something like that looks like.” “What I’m saying Liz, is that I’m not your father.” I knew he wasn’t, but hearing him say those words made something inside me break. “He’s a selfish man that didn’t love three of the most beautiful, extraordinary woman I’ve ever met. He’s the one that lost that gift, threw it away, but you can’t let his actions set precedent to your future. He doesn’t deserve that ability. He shouldn’t be allowed to have your chance at happiness, he should see that even though he was a bitter selfish man, you each still went on to strive without him.” “You make it all sound so easy,” I tell him. “It is,” he assured me, “you just have to willing to let go that power you’ve given him and strive for something greater.” I smile at Ben because in that moment I’d been granted a part of him I didn’t know existed. “You Benjamin Keaton have a logical side to you,” I say with a smirk. “One that I’m not quite completely sure I’m convince by, but you do make it all sound so simple.” “Not trying to bullshit ya Liz. Yes, part of this may be my own way to convince you to give this,” he uses his finger to motion between the two of us, “a shot. But whether it be you and me, or you and someone else, it’s not fair to judge your future based on your past. You deserve to be happy Liz.” “Sometimes I wonder if happy isn’t just overrated,” I say with complete honesty. “I can assure you if you give me the chance to, I’ll prove you wrong.” “Always so sure of yourself,” I tell him, feeling a little less tense. “Well, ya know,” he shrugs followed by leaning in to bump shoulders with me. “Girls dig it.” I don’t know about girls, but this girl was finding it harder to ignore. “Wasn’t there some talk of a kiss or two,” I say playfully, “I still don’t know what you’re referring to when you mention a loopy feeling.” Ben smiled, a full fledge, playful smile, accompanied by that dimple that only chose to peek when he was at his happiest. “I don’t recall the mention of any

kiss,” he tosses back. “Oh really? I guess I must have imagined it,” I reply as I start to stand up from the couch. I didn’t make it far before he hooked me around the waist and spun me around. I was in his lap, and his lips were only inches from mine before I had a chance to register what had happened. “I’ll kiss you when you tell me you’re willing to give this a chance.” He was so very close that it was hard to concentrate on the words he spoke. “When you assure me that you’ll stop fighting it, you’ll stop analyzing it and you’ll see where it takes us.” Why did he have to be so persistent? I wanted to challenge him, but I also wanted the kiss, or the kisses. “I can’t promise I won’t be difficult.” I tell him. “Babe, I know you’ll be difficult, I’m counting on it actually. You wouldn’t be the Liz I adore if you weren’t.” Something about hearing him say he adored me gave me that loopiness he said I only got when he kissed me. “I’ll try,” I tell him and he seemed overly pleased by my words. “Yeah, go ahead and act like your,” I didn’t get the chance to finish my sentence before his lips were pressed to mine and his hand was gripping the back of my neck holding me close. My head spun, my heart race and I knew right then and there that either been was going to heal the emptiness inside me, or break me to the point of no return.



Chapter Eleven

BEN

“Will you stop staring at that door,” Khloe says as she pushes against my shoulder moving toward the pool table. “You are like a trained dog.” “You’re just jealous Liz is meeting me here and not you,” I throw back at her. Khloe has mentioned a time or two how attractive Liz is. She has also mentioned that she may try to convince her to give the better side of life a try. A girl on girl type of scenario, I’m not going to deny that it wouldn’t be one hell of a site. But I would kill anyone that touched Liz, male or female. She was right though, every single time that door opened, I felt my heart race with the thought of it being Liz. Yet each time it wasn’t, I felt the pang of disappointment. “I’m telling you, if you’d just give me one shot to convince her, she’d be lost to you forever,” Khloe tosses back. She reminded me of myself, always so eager to throw around her confidence. “Just one lick and I’d have her,” I held up my hand to stop her. “No,” I say with authority, “not another word about Liz or you licking anything.” Khloe laughed and pointed over my shoulder just as Elizabeth stepped in the door. “We should really let her decide,” she says with a shrug. “I think it’s only fair.” I shake my head, staring at the gorgeous woman that just entered the bar. Tight jeans, the kind that fit her every curve, showing off her slim waist and long legs. There was no chance any man inside Lucy’s bar hadn’t noticed the way her top was like a second skin as it pushed her breasts up, showing off her amazing cleavage. Instant chub, that was for sure. “Eyes off,” I tell Khloe, because her silence reassured me that she too was noticing. Tonight was our first official night out as an item. As in, she had finally given in to my request and agreed to give this a chance. That simple fact had made me very, very eager. “Who’s your friend?” Liz asks and at first I think she may be jealous of Khloe, until I see the way she’s looking at her. A seductive stare, lightly biting on her lower lip. It was like she didn’t even see me. When I look back and see Khloe giving Liz an interested glance of her own I immediately step in front of Liz to

block her view. As if it had all been planned, both girls begin to laugh and I knew then I had been played. I wrap my arm around Liz’s waist and pull her close, our bodies now pressed together firmly. “You think you’re funny,” “The funny part is the look on your face,” she insists. “He was so close to hiking up his leg and pissing on you I swear,” Khloe says still laughing as if she’d accomplished some big goal. “When the hell did you two work this all out?” “She drops off her little brother every day at the youth center,” Liz adds with a shrug. I turn just enough to look back over my shoulder at Khloe, “Judas,” I say with a forced glare. This of course only furthers her amusement. “I thought you were on my side,” I add just as I turn back around ignoring her. “I am on your side,” she insists, “you should hear how much I harassed this girl about giving my saddened, lonely friend a break.” “It’s true,” Liz adds and I knew they were both continuing to play me. I made a mental note to keep an eye on these two, because I had a feeling they were going to gang up on me as often as they could manage. “You aren’t allowed to talk to my girl, unless I am present,” I tell Khloe and she shrugs as if to say whatever. I then look at Liz, “and you are to let someone else greet her when she comes into the center.” “I can’t do that,” Liz says amusement evident in her smile, “it is my job to assure each person’s greeted properly and on a daily basis.” “Yeah, and you are Ms. Cheery,” she narrowed her eyes but before she could argue I cupped the back of her neck and kiss away the argument, ignoring the cat calls, or any other noise surrounding us. *** My night turned out better than I had imagined it to be. Elizabeth was relaxed and though Khloe and she continued to gained up on me, it was great to see her with a smile. She drank, but not much, so the happiness was not induced by the alcohol which made it even better. Nicole wasn’t feeling well so Ryker kept her home, but Elle had joined us when she could. She was waitressing tonight so she’d run to my rescue and yes lay it on thick, just to harass her sister. She knew just how to get a reaction out of Liz. A reaction that showed me just what I needed to see. She was into me, more than she put on. Our night was coming to an end and honestly I didn’t want it too. For the first time since I moved to Arab, I wasn’t walking on eggshells around Liz. We had hit

that comfortable mark where I felt free to say whatever it was on my mind at the time. She’d shared things with me I’m sure she’d never shared with another man, and in my eyes that was a huge step. Call me hopeful, but I had a good feeling about what was going on between us. Call me stubborn and difficult, but there was no way in hell I would let her act as if we were nothing. I sat on the barstool watching as Khloe, Liz and another girl I had not yet been introduced to, dance to the song playing on the jukebox. The band had ended about twenty minutes ago and the girls weren’t quite ready to stop dancing. I was aware of a few of the guys packing up the band equipment watching the girls, which did trigger a possessiveness inside me when it came to Liz. For now I remained where I was, but knew if I had to I would in fact make a move. When Liz looked in my direction and smiled, I felt a deep ache in my chest. Damn she was gorgeous. “She finally stopped ignoring her feelings,” I knew it was Elle taking a seat at me side. The resemblance between her voice and that of her sister’s was so similiar. Elle was a little less fiery and a lot sweeter, kind of like a girl lost in dreamland. “It wasn’t easy getting her to stop,” I reply thinking of all the battling back and forth bringing us to the now. “But worth every minute of it,” I added with a smile. I noticed a look of interest from Liz being shot our way as she leaned in to tell Khloe something before excusing herself and walking toward us. There was this innocent competition between the two women, like Elle poked at Liz in all the ways she could just to prove she could gain a reaction out of her. Made me love Elle even more, like a kid sister. “What are you two talking about?” Liz asks as she eyes her sister. Elle didn’t even take a second to pause before she fired away. “About how difficult and stubborn you are,” Liz watched her still not reacting. “How you are the biggest pain in the ass who refuses to make any situation smooth. Always bitching and moaning about anything and everything instead of letting whatever is to happen, happen.” “It that right?” Liz asks as she crosses her arms over her chest. Now she was looking at me, then shifting her gaze back to Elle. I wanted to wait it out, see where this went, but a big part of me new if I did I may be going home without her tonight. The thing was I really, and I do mean really, wanted her with me when I walked through my front door tonight. “I said absolutely nothing of the sort. This girl,” I point to Elle, “is trying to push your buttons.” “Pussy,” Elle whispers making me chuckle. A smile tugs at Elizabeth and she stands back and now watches Elle and I bicker.

“You are just like Ryker,” Elle complains. “You both sweep into town, all confident and cocky, then turn to mush. The moment you get the girl you both lose your balls and forget all about that dominance.” It was then Liz laughs. “When I meet a guy that sweeps me off my feet, he better stay that same man. I’m talking be stern and confident. Tell me he wants me and then take me. I don’t need no mushy guy that gets all gooey eyed when he realizes I’m interested.” She walked off mumbling something about soldiers shouldn’t be pussy whipped. “Here I thought she was the quiet one,” I say shaking my head as I look back to Liz. “She grew up with me as a role model,” she shrugs, “how could you ever think she’d not be mouthy too?” Damn Berfield girls, I thought just as Liz steps in between my legs and places her hand on my thigh. “I’m trying really hard not to be so difficult.” I lift my hand and curl it around her hip, bringing it to rest on her back. “I know you are,” I confess. I can still see the way at times she hesitates as if she wants to argue, but decides against it. I know this isn’t easy for her because she has spent so long avoiding relationships and attachments. But I wanted this. I’d show her over time that she wanted it too. “You think maybe we can get out of here?” She asks as she leans in and kisses my jaw. “Maybe you could take me home with you and wear that towel again.” Her mouth skims over the side of my neck and chills cover my arms and shoulders. “Or I could just forego the towel all together,” the words fell from my lips in a breathy pant because Liz was still kissing me, teasing me with her tongue. “Well, there’s that option too,” she coos, “only if I can do the same.”



Chapter Twelve

LIZ

The ride home was torturous. There was something about seeing Ben in a bar, other girls appreciating the sight of him and I knowing his eyes remained solely on me. He watched me when we played pool, watched me when I danced with Khloe and her friend Shauna. He made me feel beautiful and I knew he found me attractive, he made that very clear. Yet tonight he was there, watching me, and only me. I loved that feeling. The moment he pulled into his parking spot and placed his truck into park, I moved. I unbuckled my seatbelt, moved across the cab and crawled into his lap. The look of surprise on his face excited me more. “Tonight, I’ve thought of your hands on me more times than I can count,” I confessed. I wanted to be honest with him like he was me. It was all still so new to me though, feeling this free with one person. It made my heart race with the idea that he’d reject me and I’d be left humiliated. My defenses were always up, it was just who I was. It was my way of reassuring I would never get hurt or feel vulnerable. I find myself always fighting to keep myself from giving him too much. I was reminding myself of the possibilities of him breaking my heart. It was a struggle to remain distant each time I saw him. This, right here, was me letting go, hoping that in the end my heart still remained intact. “I’ve lived our night together over and over,” I whisper near his ear just before I trailed kisses over his jaw. “Remembering each kiss, feeling each rush of pleasure as if it’s happening all over again.” “Me too,” Ben confesses and suddenly I feel so powerful, “I want to feel it again. I need to.” I could feel him growing hard beneath me as I shifted my hips forward on his lap, rubbing myself against his erection. A deep moan escapes him and he grips my hips tight pushing upward. The windows were beginning to fog, but it was late and dark, so I continued on. I wanted him so needy and desperate for me. I guess it was my way of keeping myself grounded. I reached down and lift the hem of his t-shirt just enough to expose his abs. Ben

was fit, and his body had turned me on from the beginning, so much. He was thick and built to perfection, but not too bulky. The muscles of his chest and abs contoured the shirts he wore and made it hard for a woman to think straight. He knew he made it hard for me to concentrate, it was part of his cocky charm I found I truly enjoyed. I move my fingers along his waist feeling his muscles tense beneath my fingers as I work the button of his jeans free. I look up to find that he too is focused on my fingers, his breathing labored. I slowly begin to lower his zipper, seeing the red material of his boxers beneath. I lean forward, claim his mouth as I rise up just enough to slide my hand beneath the red fabric. The moment my fingers wrap around his cock, I swallow the groan he releases. The tight grip he has on my waist confirms his excitement and the intensity he’s feeling. He felt like steel beneath my palm as I slowly glide my hand over him. “Liz,” my name falls from his lips and I smile. “Let’s go inside,” he says, practically begging. “I wanna be inside you, but not in the cab of my truck. Not where anyone can see.” “It’s dark,” I tell me, “no one is awake.” I fist him tighter and continue to stroke him, gliding my thumb over the tip feeling it’s slickness. When I lift my hand and place my finger to my lips to taste his salty pre-cum, he sags against the seat looking almost lost. “You really wanna do this in my truck?” He asks. “Don’t know if I can wait,” I tell him as I start to unbutton my own pants and lower my zipper. “I’ve thought of this since the first kiss you gave me after I entered the bar.” The way he watched me as if he was completely mesmerized by my every move, triggered an excitement inside of me I have never felt before. I moved off of him, lowering my pants to the floor, taking my panties with them. As I moved back over his lap, I noticed he too lowered his own pants further, and now held a condom in his hand. When he sees me looking at him with a smile, I hope it portrays my feelings. Because at that moment I’m thinking ‘see you can’t wait either, obviously’. With a deep chuckle he confirms he understands. “Seeing you like this, there is no way I’m making it to my front door without tackling you to the front lawn. I think the truck is the best bet.” He tears at the foiled paper with his teeth and carefully places the condom over him. “Plus I’d give you whatever you wanted, even if we take a chance of being arrested for sex in public.” “So sweet,” I say as I move in closer and feel him against me. “Willing to go to jail for me.” I add just as I lift myself and hover over him. “Willing to do anything for you,” he confesses and I feel my chest tighten with

his words. The moment I began to lower myself over his cock, his head falls back and I watch his face as he takes it all in. His mouth gapes open just enough for a hiss of pleasure to escape just before his thighs tense beneath me. “Damn,” he moans once he is fully seated and I take a moment to relish in the fullness he provides. God I missed him. Missed the way we were together, that connection I felt with him and only him. Then I begin to move, slow torturous movements, pulling upward before sinking back onto him, feeling each and every twitch of him inside me. “You feel so good,” he praises as he too shifts his hips upward to meet me. “So perfect,” he adds gripping my hips tighter and quickening his movements. “Fucking good,” Ben’s words sound more like a growl. With the two of us moving together as one, our bodies creating the perfect rhythm, I felt my body react to his swift and precise strokes. The curl and swivel of his pelvis made it impossible not to feel myself building. “Right there,” he whispers, “that’s the spot.” I was well aware of his cockiness, but he had every right to be proud. The man knew right where to go and just how to trigger the most intense orgasm within me. He did it that night we were together over and over, and here he was doing it again. “Let me feel it, Liz,” he insists. “Give me what we both need baby.” Then I did, I give it over to him. My hands going to the headrest as I arched my back and he continued to drive into me. “Yes,” I scream. I should be concerned someone will hear me but at that point I was so lost to what Ben was doing to me that nothing else matter. “Damn,” Ben moans driving into me hard and fast. When his body tenses and he holds himself inside of me deep, I feel him explode as his cock tenses. I too was still feeling the aftershocks of my own release as he held my waist tight refuses to let me escape. As if I was going anywhere. All I could think was I need to do this all over again. *** The sound of my phone beeping wakes me as I roll to my side and see Ben close. He lay on his stomach, his arms up toward his head and disappearing under the pillow beneath him. The muscles of his shoulders and arms, flexed and prominent in this position. Ignoring the fact that I had an awaiting text message I took the chance to watch Ben instead. The deep intakes of breath, just before a small snore escaped him, made me smile. He appeared so relaxed. I could see myself falling for Ben without the ability to control it. Falling meant

the chance of being hurt was a definite. “Good morning,” my gaze shifts toward the husky tone.A set of deep brown eyes stare back at me and for a moment I was lost. They were more of a golden brown, such a unique color and they were gorgeous. “How did you sleep?” He asks as he places his hand on my side and slides it around my waist. “I slept well,” I told him realizing I was still staring at him lost in his eyes. “Once you allowed me to that is.” “Me,” he says with a chuckle, “who was the one that insist we go at it in the car?” I close my eyes thinking back to that very thing and can immediately feel my cheek heat with the memories. “Are you complaining?” I asked finally opening my eyes and looking back at him. “You didn’t sound as if you minded once we got started.” Ben gripped my hip and pulled my body inward, flush to his. “I’m not complaining,” he whispers once his lips are within inches of mine. “I just didn’t realize my girl was such an exhibitionist.” When his lips touched mine I enjoyed the way his tongue skimmed over my lips, just before pushing through the barrier. His girl, the idea of that alone intrigued me more than I had ever allowed it to before. His, I had never been referred to as such by any other man. I didn’t want to be, until now. The idea of being Ben’s was terrifying but for the first time I didn’t feel myself panic. His right hand caught mine and he linked his fingers with mine as he slowly linked his fingers with my own. Within seconds Ben was hovering above me with my hands pinned above my head by his. His left hand gently gliding over my hip, waist and the side of my bare breast. I could feel myself growing wet with the idea of him continuing on his journey. “You drive me crazy with need,” Ben confessed only making it harder to hold back my own desire. The hardness of his erection was now nudging against my thigh., signifying his arousal. “I’ve never in my life met another woman who I’ve been this addicted too. Not just physically, Elizabeth,” he assures me. I arch my neck, seeking his lips once more, needing his kiss. Almost instantly my legs part and I wrap them around his was holding him securely, This movement triggers a deep moan to escape him just before he moves back from my body and then forward again, the head of his cock seeking out my warmth. The moment he enters me, I forget all those insecurities and lost myself completely in the way his body moves against mine. It was as if we were meant to share this very thing, over and over. The idea that he was not wearing a condom didn’t faze me, I was protected and I trusted Ben to know he was keeping me safe. Feeling him like this, with nothing separating the feeling of his body to mine made this feeling inside me, the one deep in my heart, feel so very real. “You feel so amazing,” he murmured as his moved in and out of me in a slow

torturous pace. “Elizabeth,” the way my full name fell from his lips gave me the chills. “perfect.” “I should probably stop,” his words sent a panic throughout me. “I should get a condom.” “No,” the heels of my feet dig into his lower back as I hold him close, “pill.” I gasp as he pushes inside me so deep and remains there. “I’m on the pill, we’re good.” There was absolutely no way I would allow him to stop now. My back arched when he moves against me in slow quick strokes, massaging the one place inside of me that he seemed to have mastered after our first time together. “Oh yeah, just like that,” he encourages me reaching around with his left hand to grip my ass and arch my pelvis upward. “I need to feel you come,” he pants, “show me how good I make you feel.” As if I could stop it. The moment I felt my body begin to tremble and tighten around him, he moans out a deep pleasured sound. “Damn,” he groans driving into me harder and faster. Together we ignite, both saying each other’s names over and over. Our bodies slick with perspiration, extreme pleasure ripping through us as we fall over the edge of bliss.



Chapter Thirteen

BEN

“Someone is really trying to get you to answer your phone,” I say still hovering above Elizabeth. I wasn’t ready to let her go yet or let her escape actually. I had this fear that if I let her get to far away, she’d somehow find yet another excuse or reason as to why she and I couldn’t be a couple. “The phone calls are from Nicole and Elle,” she assured me, “they both have distinct ring tones. The text messages I am sure are from them too.” “Do they think you’ve been kidnapped?”, I joke as I lean in a kiss her jaw, before moving along her neck. “Elle knows where I’m at,” she says breathlessly. “Which I am sure is why she is calling.” I lightly suck on the side of her neck as she whimpers. “Details,” another gasp when I nipped at her collarbone with my teeth, “she, they, want details.” I smiled at the idea of the three of them sitting around talking about me. “What’s my girl gonna tell them?” I felt her body relax against mine as I continued to kiss and tease her. Chills covering her arms, just before a shiver runs through her. “I am keeping this all to myself,” she confesses, “some things are meant to tuck away some place safe and be selfish with. I want to be selfish with you,” her words making my chest tightening for so many different reason. “I want you all to myself.” “I’m all yours,” I assure her as she parts her legs a little wider and sends me a silent invite. The moment I slide inside of her I take a moment to regain control, because my mind was spinning. I felt raw inside, both fear and excitement rolling around in massive waves within me. Liz began to move against me, obviously needing me to move. Her hands wrapping around my waist as she grips my ass and uses them along with her feet to force me to move. So demanding, I thought as I gave her what she needed and again we were lost to everything around us but each other. *** “They’re alive,” I turn to my left and see Ryker jogging down the stairs with Tori

in his arms. “Nicole and Elle were about to beat down the door to your place and drag out Liz themselves.” Just then Liz pokes her head out of my apartment door. “Tell them to stop being so damn nosy.” She wore one of my t-shirts that hung to her knees. Her hair was in a wadded mess atop her head, caused by me tugging and twisting my fingers through it all night and throughout our morning. She looks fucking beautiful. “Nosy, hell,” it was Nicole this time as she waddled down he steps behind Ryker. “You’re the nosy one. I remember the shit you pulled when Ryker and I first got back together and me calling you during your sex-capades with Ben is nothing compared to your pushy tactics.” “Sex-capades?” I say as I look at Ryker and he shrugs. “At least I didn’t use Ryker’s key and barge in on the two of you going at it.” Nicole said as she paused at the bottom of the steps in what looked like an attempt to catch her breath. Poor girl looked like she was carrying a watermelon under her flowing top. “Did you ever tell Ben about seeing Ryker’s bare ass up in the air?” Elizabeth smiled throwing Ryker a wink and I then turned to Ryk. “It’s true man,” he says with a smirk, “didn’t even faze her.” “Nope,” Nicole confirmed. “She just leaned against the doorframe of my bedroom and told him he had great form.” Liz began to laugh, “Why make an awkward situation worse?” Something about the idea of her watching my best friend moving as he’s going at it with his girl was making me feel territorial. Fuck that. “Don’t go getting all caveman,” Liz hollers out, “he’s got nothing on you babe. Your form is perfect.” I shouldn’t have smiled being compared to Ryker but the idea that she called me babe in front of the both of them, and that she willingly spoke of our time together without hesitation trump my jealousy for her seeing Ryker’s in action. “Now get moving, my breakfast is getting cold.” She didn’t even pause for a reaction, only shut the apartment door and left us all to star after her. “Breakfast?” Nicole asked. “Yeah, she ordered from the restaurant down the road. I’m picking it up,” I said with my own smile as I moved around Ryker toward my truck. “Breakfast sounds good,” I hear Nicole say. “You just had breakfast less than an hour ago,” Ryker says with a laugh. “But if you want breakfast let’s get moving. We only have an hour before your dad is expecting us.”

That guy was such a sucker. In record time I was to Bernie’s down the road and pulling back into the apartment parking lot with food in hand. The idea of what was waiting for me at home was a great motivator. Just as I open the front door to my apartment my phone began to ring. As I rushed inside Liz was there to take the bags. I sifted through my pocket and thought about ignoring the call completely until I saw it was Momma Gunther, Luke’s mom. A family I had grown close to over the years in the military, because they were so close to their son, and one of my best friends. I hit send just before the final ring and lifted the phone to my ear. “Hey, Ms. Gunther.” There was a silence just before a sniffle, and my heart felt like it sank. “He’s gone,” two words, and I crumbled. “What?” I asked aware of Liz now knelt at my side but unable to react to her touch. “How?” Had he been deployed I wouldn’t have asked these question, but I knew he was in Florida. Luke had been reassigned to Florida shortly after I chose not reenlist. There was a difference between Thor and I, he was a lifer, I wasn’t. That guy had dreams of being the highest in command one day. “Motorcycle accident,” Ms. Gunther finally answers and again my chest feel tight. “He was riding with a fellow soldier and they were on their way back to base. He said that he slowed down for a stop sign, but heard Luke coming in fast. It happened so quick, he ran the sign. Another car coming into the intersection had the right of way, and,” she couldn’t finish the sentence, but she didn’t have to. “We got the call early this morning,” she added as I hung my head. “We’re bringing him home tomorrow and I wanted to ask you and Ryker to be there.” “Of course we will be,” I told her without hesitation. I knew answering for Ryker was okay in this instance because he wouldn’t deny Ms. Gunther or Luke. He was our brother, and his loss was a hard one to swallow. “You two boys are the closest things he had to brothers,” she added and it was then the tears sprung to my eyes. “He was our brother too,” I said my voice sounding more like a hoarse whisper. “There will never be a day I won’t miss him.” It was the truth. Many of my memories over my time in the Marines involved Luke too. “Could you call Ryker for me? I don’t think I can do this twice.” “Yes,” I assure here, “I’ll tell him.” She thanked me as if it was even necessary and we said our goodbyes. As I hung up the phone I said nothing, still sitting in the middle of my entryway, clutching my phone in my hand. Part of me praying that it was some kind of mistake but my heart knowing it wasn’t.

“Ben,” Liz whispered my name as her hand cupped my jaw. I looked up to see the worry in her eyes but still unable to speak. “I won’t ask if everything is okay, because I know it isn’t. Just tell me what I can do for you.” I stare at her for a moment, before reaching out and pulling her into my lap. I didn’t want her to say or do anything, except let me hold her for a moment. Would it changed the devastating news that I’d just receive? No, but it would give me a sense of comfort before I had to make a phone call I knew would destroy Ryker as much as it had me.



Chapter Fourteen

LIZ

“I just talked to him last week,” Elle says as she stares out over our backyard. Tears glistening in her eyes, gripping the railing so tight her knuckles appeared white. “He told me he got a bike and the happiness in his voice when he talked about riding it along the winding roads made me smile. Luke was always so quiet and most times I wasn’t sure if he was moody, or just deep in thought. But he was genuinely excited about his bike and being able to ride with friends.” I allowed Elle to continue on, only listening to her talk about the guy I knew she had feelings for, but also knew it was more of a brotherly friendship than anything truly romantic. They grew close since he visited with Ben during Ryker and Nicole’s engagement. They were like two goofy kids always FaceTiming one another and emailing back and forth. “He asked me to come visit him,” she adds, “and I told him I couldn’t take off work right now.” Again silence set over us. I knew she was regretting that decision now. “Now I’ll never get that chance to see him again,” her voice cracked with emotion and I could no longer hold back. I reached out, taking her in my arms and pulling her close. “He’s gone and I can’t write him and tell him about my day. I can’t call him while watching some really bad reality show and force him to turn it on too so we can make fun of it together.” I knew Elle well, I knew she was going through the phases. Guilt, anger and then defeat. “I should have told him to sell that damn motorcycle. As if being a Marine going off to fight for his country wasn’t dangerous enough, he had to add some ridiculous street bike to the mix.” “I think we both know you telling him that wouldn’t have convinced him to do so,” I tell her. “They’re all the same and no matter what, they’re gonna do what they want.” “I just can’t let myself believe he’s gone,” she whispers. “He left behind a life full of people who loved him, for what,” and now the anger. “For some fucking joy ride.” I felt her fighting against me to let her go, only I couldn’t. I wouldn’t let her fall apart. If she had to break, it would be with me holding on to her, ready to piece

back the sweet girl I knew as my little sister. *** I fell asleep in Ben’s t-shirt, holding his pillow to my chest, smelling him even though he wasn’t with me. I’d planned to sleep at his apartment but changed my mind and decided that Elle needed me. I kidnapped his pillow, riffled through his closet and brought both items home with me to supply comfort I was missing in his absence. Now I lay curled on my side, as I watch my sister sleep after hours of crying and fighting against it. She was devastated and I couldn’t fix this for her. That was the hardest part. It was my role, the one I had taken on when we were young. I sheltered her from the sadness and did anything and everything I could to shield her from the shit my father brought to her life. In my eyes it was my job, because my mother was always to torn to comfort her. It was why she was so sweet and kind, always able to find the good in everyone. Or so I hoped it was related to me keeping her safe from the hate. But now there was no way to tuck her aware safe from the devastation around her. It broke my heart to see her hurting as she was. She’d finally fallen asleep holding the last letter she’d received from Luke in her hands. I think she’d read over it twenty times, crying harder each time. Luke was a cut up, a real clown, but most didn’t get to see that side of him. He’d allowed Elle to though, he let her in and now she’d lost that bond they shared. The humming of my phone against the nightstand gained my attention. It vibrated against the nightstand indicating a call. Fearful to move too much, I reached around and grabbed it bringing it around in front of me and answering it quickly. “Hi,” I said in a whisper. “Did I wake you?” “No,” I keep my voice in a low whisper, “just lying with Elle. She’s finally sleeping.” “How is she doing?” Ben asks and I’m aware of how tired he sounds. “She’s heartbroken, how are you?” “Same,” his confession makes my chest tighten. “I spent the day with Ryker and Luke’s parents picking out a casket. A fucking casket for a guy that shouldn’t be fucking dead.” I knew his anger was not related to anything I’d done. It was one of the stages I know. I had to let him feel and be here to accept it. Be here to take whatever it was he needed to say and absorb it. “I’m sorry Liz,” he took in a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t do that.”

“What?” He asks. “Don’t apologize for feeling Ben. You’ve lost one of the most important people in your life, you have the right to feel. You need to vent and get angry, I can take that. I’m here to be whatever it is you need me to be, but please,” I take my own deep breath, “don’t apologize.” “You know what I need?” “What?’ It was my turn to ask. “You,” he confession took what raw emotions I had and threw me right over the edge. “I need you here so I can hold you and fall apart.” I closed my eyes tight and concentrated on keeping myself calm. I could feel the tears burning my eyes, I felt the deep ache in my chest. “Will you come,” he asks, “be here with me. Not Friday, but tomorrow, can you come tomorrow?” “Yes,” I tell him without hesitation. “I know Nicole wants to come now too, and Elle. I’ve had a hard time keeping them both here.” “I need you babe,” and there it was. The push that finally shoves me off the ledge. Any hope that I had of not falling for Ben disappeared in that moment. I think I already knew that not falling for him was a lost cause. He’s an amazing man, with an amazing heart, any woman in her right mind would run head first into this with him and I was always looking for a reason to protect my heart. Not any more, I wanted this. For the first time in my life, I wanted to grab ahold and not let go. “You have me,” I tell him, “and I’ll be there tomorrow night, on my own or with them. That’s a promise.”



Chapter Fifteen

BEN

“He flew up off that cot so fast you’d think his ass was on fire,” Ryker said with a deep chuckle. “His eyes were wide with fear, his arms flailing out as he spun from side to side looking around. You’d never guess a Marine who has seen combat more than twice would be that fearful of a snake.” “He always had a fear for them,” Mr. Gunther said with his own saddened humor. “Luke hated snakes, never could get him over that.” We sat around the fire in the Gunthers’ back yard, a chill in the air, but the heat from the flames felt good. We’d spent the day picking out photos that the funeral home would display during the service, boxes and boxes of pictures during Luke’s life. A tiny boy, to a scrawny teenager and then a soldier, it was hard to swallow. “Seeing him you’d never know,” Wade added. Wade Richards was a fellow Marine who was stationed in Jacksonville with Luke. He was a soldier that Ryker met years ago when he enlisted and I to got the chance to know over the years. He was a few years older than us but one hell of a man. “He seemed so fearless.” He added as he looked transfixed by the fire. “Always ready for whatever anyone threw at him. The guy was hard to read, his game face always on. We’d spent the evening with Luke’s parents,.sharing dinner and lots of memories of the son they dearly missed. Each time we’d think they’d had enough, they would ask us something about their son needing us to give them more. It was like a torturous healing process but we couldn’t deny them. I’d spoken with Elizabeth this morning, hoping that she’d be halfway here by now, but felt disappointed when she’d said they hadn’t even left. Ryker was concerned about them driving through the night and I knew it was selfish, but damnit I just wanted them here. But after I got over the initial disappointment, I agreed. They drove halfway, before stopping at a hotel for the night. Cheboygan, Michigan was a thirteen hour drive from Arab and they couldn’t fly due to Nicole’s condition. Morning couldn’t get here fast enough, I needed to feel Liz in my arms.

“He shared so many stories with us about you all,” Mama Gunther said. “You all were more than just the men he served his country with, you were his family too.” Ryker hung his head, I knew hiding his emotions. “Which in turn makes you our family too,” Mr. Gunther added and that was all it took. Ryker’s shoulder began to shake and I too couldn’t fight back the ache inside me. My own vision clouded with unshed tears as I looked up at the sky. The flicker of a plane’s light’s, the glistening sparkle of the stars throughout, it all seems so unfair. He should be here with us. It was times like these that made you question your life. *** I sat in my hotel room, on the side of my bed, holding my tie in hand. The funeral was only a couple hours away, but I couldn’t bring myself to get dressed. I’d taken my shower, but still wore only the towel wrapped tightly around my waist. I guess in my mind going to the funeral made it all final. I didn’t want final. People forgot about those they buried and I never wanted to forget Luke. A soft knock on the door gained my attention and for the first time I stood, moving quickly across the room. Excitement hitting me, knowing who it was on the other side of the door. Without hesitation, I jerk open the door, ignoring the fact that I was barely dressed. “Hi,” Liz said when I stepped out and grabbed her in my arms. Her hands immediately going to my chest as I circle her waist with my own. I didn’t say hello, only pressed my lips to hers and first the first time in days I felt like that ache in my chest diminished enough that I could breathe. She too seemed to relax in my arms. “I missed you,” I confessed, the words spoken against her lips before I move in for more. “Take that shit inside,” someone hollers out and I pull back to look over her shoulder. “The last thing we wanna see is you lose that towel of yours.” Ryker shot me a smirk and he stood with Nicole tucked in safely at his side. A few feet back stood Elle, looking tired and frail. “I want you alone, I do,” I whisper to Liz, “but she doesn’t need to be by herself.” “Neither do you,” Liz tells me and I can’t argue. “I’ll get dressed,” I add, “go get Elle and bring her back to the room.” “Are you sure?” “Yeah,” I say gliding my thumb over her jaw. “I’m sure.” I stood in the doorway as I watch Liz move toward her sister. Elle was so chipper and happy all the times I’ve been around her but that person was gone. In her place, was a girl who looked so lost. She mirrored the way I felt inside.

I stepped inside, leaving the door open behind me and grabbed my clothes from the bed, quickly moving to the bathroom. After a few minutes I heard the girls moving around the room and once I had my pants on and the shirt in place, I opened the door. Liz sat on the bed, Elle stood near the door still holding her bag close to her body. The moment she noticed me standing there, her face twisted into one of extreme sadness and her tears began to fall. I don’t know if it was the right thing to do or not, but I quickly moved toward her and wrapped her in my arms. She buried her face to my bare chest where my shirt still gaped open and I could feel the wetness from her tears against my skin. “Let it out,” I tell her refusing to let her go. “You have the right to miss him sweet girl.” Her fingers dug into my sides and I continued to hold her, looking back at Liz over my shoulder. She remained in the same spot staring at us. When she offered me a nod, I knew I’d done the right thing. I’d given her what she needed, comfort. “I can’t believe he’s gone,” Elle cried as she sagged in my arms. “I keep thinking he’s gonna call or that I’m gonna get some email with a silly picture attached. I keep wishing for it, but I know it won’t come true. I know I’ll never hear him laugh at one of my lame jokes or hear him make fun of me when I say something crazy.” I held Elle as she continued to cry in my arms. “I used to get so mad at him when he’d make fun of me, but now, I just find myself longing for it.” “I keep wishing for this to all be some kind of horrific nightmare,” I confessed rubbing Elle’s back in a soothing manner. “I don’t know how to accept that it’s not. I don’t know if I ever will, but we have to move forward. It won’t be easy, we just have to make sure that in doing so, we never forget Luke.” “I know I never will,” she assures me. “Me neither Elle,” I agree, “he’s a part of who I am. He always will be.”



Chapter Sixteen

LIZ

I had never attended a military funeral before. Rarely had I attended a civilian service, but there was something so surreal about the proceedings of honoring a soldier. The US flag was draped over the casket as it sat in the front of those who’ve come to honor him. So many men and even women dressed in their service uniforms to honor Luke Gunther. Though Ryker and Ben were both retired from active duty, they too were dressed to honor. It was the first time I had ever seen Ben wearing his, and I couldn’t get over just how handsome he was. It was like seeing him in a whole new light, so official and honorable. When the gunfire went off, I jumped in reaction to each one. Even though I knew they were coming, I still reacted as if it was a shock. The sound of Elle’s whimpering at my side made it hard to hold it together. With Nicole on one side of her and me on the other, we each held Elle close, doing our best to keep her head above water. Our men, stood before us as they watched one of their best friends being laid to rest. I have never in my life witnessed something so sad and so beautiful at the same time. Sad because the world had lost an amazing man, the beautiful part was to witness such an honorable remembrance of that man. *** We all gathered at the Gunther home, where friends and family came together to once again remember a good man. Many tears and some laughs were shared as each shared stories of Luke, both from when he was young and when he’d grown into a man. I remained at Ben’s side due to the fact that he’s held onto me like I was his lifeline. I knew had he not been holding me securely, I would have still been at his side. Touching him, holding on to him gave me a peace of my own. I know it was strange but after what I’d seen today, it made me realize just how quickly life could shift and things could change. With the blink of an eye those we care about most could be gone. I slid my arm around Ben’s waist and tucked myself into his side, as I listen to the guy I know knew as Wade talk of Luke. When he reciprocated and I felt his lips press against my forehead leaving them there for a little longer then needed, I closed my eyes and accepted the gesture.

“Thank you for being here with me,” he whispers near my ear. “I could never explain how much it helps having you near me.” He whispered the words, but I knew by the look on Ryker’s face he’d heard him too. When my gaze connected with Ryker’s he offers a wink and I look up to Ben. “No need to thank me,” I tell him, “I kinda have a soft spot for you.” Ben’s features softened and the corner of his mouth lifts in a smile. “Is that so?” “As if I ever had a chance of keeping my distance.” He chuckled and it was the first time I’d heard him laugh since I’d arrived in Michigan. “You didn’t have a chance,” he replies. “You may have thought you could have pushed me away, I know you tried, but I wouldn’t have given up.” Ben leans in closer and skims over my lips with his own, kissing the corner of my mouth. “One night with you and I just knew,” he whispers low. “Knew what?” “Knew that even if I looked, I wouldn’t find another women like you.” He kissed me again, “I know a good thing when I see one and you babe, are a very good thing. Stubborn as hell, but my perfect match.” My stomach fluttered with his words. Excitement and nervous energy coursed through me, but he was right. I had never felt the things I feel with Ben with any other man. Maybe it was because I didn’t allow myself too but that didn’t matter, Ben was a good man. I knew that the moment I met him and I think that was what terrified me most, because I knew there was no hope of escape once I let him in. “Smooth talker,” I said only making his smile deepen. “So how long have you two been together?” I look away from Ben to see Wade looking at us with curiosity. “Only a few weeks,” I say seeing a look of surprise in Wade’s eyes. “We’ve know each other longer, but she’s difficult.” Ben said nuzzling my neck. “It took a bit to convince her to face the inevitable.” I poke his side and her jerks away quickly. Ticklish, I’ll have to remember that for torture later. “She’s just a pain in the ass on a good day.” All eyes shift toward Elle, as she lifted her beer to her lips and took a big drink. I think it was the first time she’d spoken in hours. I didn’t mind that it was to throw a dig at me, I’d take it. “Considering you are just like me, I can safely say you too are a huge pain in the ass.” I say challenging her and see a smile cover her lips. It had never felt so good to see someone else smile as it did in that moment. “I think it is safe to say you are so much worse than me,” Elle tossed back. She then looked around our small group looking for anyone who’d dare to argue. Nicole shook her head indicated she didn’t disagree, followed by Ryker. When

she looked at Ben, I followed her gaze and her only smirked. “You’re not gonna defend me?” I asked knowing he would be the last to argue this but giving it a shot anyway. “Love ya, babe, but I can’t argue with her,” Ben said pulling me back to his side and giving me a squeeze. “I have never in my life met a more difficult person than you.” The argument forgotten as I mulled over his words, finding that I wasn’t the only person that picked up on the fact that he said he loved me. Nicole too looked at him, only she was smiling wide. He couldn’t actually mean he loves me loves me, it was too soon for that. Wasn’t it? The conversation quickly shifted to other things, but I had a hard time letting go of what Ben had said. The familiar panic I’ve felt so many times before began to resurface. Elle leaned in closer, resting her head against mine and I closed my eyes for a moment, accepting her comfort. “Don’t fight it Liz,” she whispers and I closed my eyes tighter knowing exactly what she is referring to. “Don’t analyze it because I know you are. Don’t question it, because none of us know if we have a tomorrow. It can all be taken from us and then the only thing we are left with is regret of the things we didn’t do, the things we never said. If what he said is true, if he does love you, then let him love you. For once in your life stop holding on to the horrible memories of dad and the things he put us all through. Ben is not dad.” My lower lip trembled. “I know you tried to hide me from the things going on around us, and I thank you for that, but you need to stop being the one holding onto those years. You need to live Liz, and love,” she practically ordered me. “ Please stop living in the past.” I could only nod my head assuring her I would. I would to afraid to speak knowing that if I had the words wouldn’t come out clear. It was time to live in the now, and stop growing in my past.



Chapter Seventeen

BEN

I was aware of what I’d said earlier, only I chose to ignore the questioning glances from not only my friends but also Liz. It was something I may have let slip, but I didn’t regret it. I did love her, was I in love with her. But that simple statement I let fall from my lips before I had a chance to stop it, felt as if it caused things to shift between us. The way Elizabeth looked at me, as I slowly undressed her, made my heart swell.The look of pure longing as I kissed her gently, slowly made my pulse quicken. She sat down on the bed and moved over the mattress with ease, just before lying back on the pillow behind her. Her light brown hair fanning out over the light sheets beneath her, she smiled up at me and in that moment I swear the floor gave out beneath me. Liz made my knees weak, she was so fucking beautiful. I unhooked my belt, unbuckled my pants and lowered them to the floor, before doing the same with my boxers. The way her eyes roamed over my body taking in every inch from head to toe made me feel powerful. The obvious appreciation in her eyes did great things to my ego. There was no need for words, our hands talked for themselves. We were like two starved people seeking the things we craved the most, each other. One of my most favorite things about Liz was that she didn’t deny herself the things she wanted. If she wanted faster, she demanded it. If she wanted slower, she got slower. She had no problem asking for the things she wanted, or taking them in most cases. Her confidence was sexy, her persistence was alluring. Before I had a chance to slide inside her warmth she pushed against me and rolled me over, following behind. She straddled my lap and leaned over, pressing kisses along my jaw, and over my chest. Closing my eyes, I allow myself to enjoy each brush of her lips against me. “I don’t think I’ve told you,” she says before pressing a kiss over my heart, “just how much you mean to me. I hide it well I know, but I do care about you so much.” I open my eyes to find her staring back at me. “I’m difficult I know, but I don’t know how else to be. I don’t know how to

change that.” I reach up and place one hand on each side of her face. “I don’t want you to change that, or anything for that matter. You’re perfect just the way you are.” “Now you’re lying,” she laughs only I refuse to let her pull away. “The woman you are, is the woman fell for,” I confess without saying the actual words. The last thing I want is to scare her. “You challenge me,” I add pulling her face down to mine. As her body presses to mine, I remove my left hand from her cheek and gently run my palm over her shoulder and bring it to rest in the center of her back. The small indentation above her ass had to be one of my favorite parts of her body, the way it dipped before curling up once again to the contour of her bottom. The moment I cover her ass with my hand and pull her against me she moans against my lips. “Don’t ever change,” I tell her as she slides her body upward and her slick wetness glides over my cock. It was then my turn to moan. “Perfect,” I say pushing against her feeling myself enter her just slightly, before pulling back. The look of disappointment on her face was thrilling. She wanted me, wanted the connection. I roll her over once more, regaining the upper hand and she lie beneath me looking so needy at lustful. I felt so raw and defeated from the last few days that in a way thins control grounded me. It was a strange feeling but I was in control. I hadn’t been in control for one second since the moment Mrs. Gunther gave me the news of Luke. I needed control. I push inside of her just enough to tease her once more before retreating again. A whimper falling from her lips as she attempts to lift her hips to chance after what she wants the most. “Ben,” she pleads and I lean in to kiss her. A deep conquering kiss that leaves her breathless. “Tell me what you need,” I demand. I felt ravaged, like an out of control feeling that was hard to control. When she didn’t respond I pushed against her once more and she gripped my shoulders tightly. “Is this what you want?” “Yes,” she breathed. “Please,” she added, “I need you.” I cupped her breast as I lean in and take her nipple in my mouth, rolling it with my tongue. Her back arches as I bite softly and tug. A needy whimper fills the room just before I push my hips forward and enter her with one hard thrust. “Oh god,” her screams echo of the walls of the hotel room, “more.” I begin to move hard and fast, giving her what she needs and taking what I crave. The contracting of her walls around me drove me harder and faster. The sound of the bed smacking the walls as I drove into her over and over. The sound of my name, the way she begged for more, mixed with the sounds our bodies made was the most erotic mix.

“Amazing,” I say as I stare down at her. Elizabeth’s face morphed into pure pleasure. Her hips lifting to meet my every thrust as if the deep penetrating thrusts weren’t enough. My own need matching hers as I searched for more. Fuck I couldn’t get deep enough, I was a crazed man seeking the deepest connection. “Fucking good,” I add as I feel my balls tighten. “Ben,” again she says my name only this time it was more of a growl. Her fingernails digging into my shoulders and the bite felt amazing. Reaching beneath her with both hands, I grip her ass and lift. Tilting her upward I drove into her hard and fast feeling her pussy tighten just before she came hard. I was lost, seeking my own release and riding out the pleasure of her body tightening around me. “Fucking perfect,” I coo, just before I lose myself and fall with her. *** I reached across the center console that separate the two front seats and take Liz’s hand in mine. I didn’t need to look in her direction to know she was watching me as I pull our joined hand over and rest them on my thigh. I knew her well enough to know she was looking at me in search of what I was feeling. The problem was I didn’t know what I was feeling. I was still so emotionally spent from the turn of events that I just simply needed to feel her close. I needed something to keep me grounded. Liz was that something. She was at this point the only thing holding me together. Since Ryker had decided he was driving Nicole home, we traded in the small car for a full sized Tahoe and all rode together. It was my turn to drive while the others slept. The quietness of the car ride gave me too much time to think. Too much time to remember the things I’d already lost. It gave me the chance to realize how much time I had already given. “What are you thinking?” Liz asks and I force myself to keep my eyes on the road. I knew if I looked at her, I would break. My heart ached and my throat burned and seeing her eyes would be the end of the small amount of control I still held. “This is a long fucking ride,” I say attempting to hide the truth. “I hate car rides.” “I do too,” she replies before a silence settles over us. For a moment I thought I was in the clear until she spoke again. “But I know that you’re thinking of more. I also understand if you don’t want to talk about it I just want you to know that I’m here.” I nod, as I grip the wheel tighter with my left hand. “You’ve been the one to hold everyone else together,” Liz begins again. “You’ve help the Gunthers, you’ve comforted your friends and even Elle, but you haven’t

had a chance to grieve yourself.” I could feel myself growing agitated and it surprised me. I had no reason to be pissed, because she wasn’t saying anything that wasn’t true. But the knowledge of knowing anger wasn’t warranted did nothing to tame it. “You can lean on me,” Liz whispers. “I’m fine,” I assure her. I didn’t like feeling so out of control. I needed control. “He’s gone and there isn’t a damn things any of us can do about it. Talking won’t bring him back, crying won’t reverse a fucking thing. So like I said I’m fine,” I forced myself to stop. She didn’t deserve this anger. I drove a few more feet before I couldn’t force myself to go any further and I turned the Tahoe toward the shoulder and once it slowed I placed it in park. “Ben,” Liz said my name but I didn’t let it keep me inside the truck. I needed air. I walked a few feet ahead and placed my hands on my hips as I looked off in the distance. Deep breaths, one after another did nothing to slow my racing heart. The moment a strong hand squeezed my shoulder I hung my head and my shoulders sagged. “It’s gonna be okay brother,” Ryker said just before he steps around and wraps me in a hug. My body sags to his and I let go. I let it all out as the tears fall. Days of pent up frustration, and anger and grief, all flowed from me in a rush. “We’ll get through this together,” Ryker says and I continue to cry. I finished out my enlisted time with Luke. Ryker was gone and it was just us, and over that time we grew closer, almost inseparable. He listened to me talk for hours about the shit of my past and then he talked me through the feelings I’d had for Liz after our short time together. He was the one that told me to be patient. He was also the one that told me to chase after what I wanted, but to be gentle in my advances. I wanted Liz. “Fuck,” I say as I stand tall and step back from Ryker. I look toward the Truck to see Liz staring ahead through the windshield, a look of worry on her face. “I need to apologize to her.” “She’s worried about you,” Ryker says and I look back to him. “She was being kind and I was a dick.” “She understands your hurting,” He assures me. “Doesn’t make it right,” I say as I look back toward my girl. “I think I love her,” I say without hesitation. “That fucking ache that makes you feel like you can’t breath without them. That deep need to have her close, the desire to have her look at me like I’m all she’ll ever need, it’s there. But I’m scared to tell her. Scared

she’ll freak out and run and then I’ll lose her too.” Ryker remains silent but I know he knows just what I’m feeling. He spent five years loving the same girl, wishing he could go back and fix the biggest mistake he ever made. The guy lives for Nicole and for Tori. If anyone understood, it was him. “I’m okay,” I say as I start back toward the vehicle. I can hear his boots against the gravel behind me as I move to the passenger side. When I open up the door, I step in close and take her face in my hands. “I’m sorry,” I say and she begins to argue, only I don’t allow her too. I cover her mouth with my own, silencing her. “I’m okay,” I say as I pull back and look into her eyes, “as long as I have you.” It may not have been me confessing my love but something in her eyes told me she heard that hidden message. I understood her fears, I had once had some of my own until I met her. Liz was the first person since Holly that made me think of my future. “Let’s go home,” I say giving her an out, because I understood that it was hard for her to share her deep feelings. On the rare occasion that she did, I felt lucky to be the one allowed to witness them. This, here in front of her sister, Nicole and Ryker wasn’t the time to make her feel forced to share. As I stepped back she surprised me and held onto my arm, pulling me back against her. The gentle look in her eyes made my stomach tighten. “I’m not going anywhere,” she whispers as she reaches up and places her palm to my jaw. “You have me completely,” she says as she leans in and kisses me once again. I reciprocate and take full advantage of the kiss, holding her close. Though some may not understand how big of a step this was, I did. She was mine and in turn I was hers.



Chapter Eighteen

LIZ

“Who are you talking to?” I ask Elle as I flop down on her bed and look at her computer screen. I figured it was her friend Melanie who was attending NYU, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. The face of a man I’d only met a little over a week ago filled the screen. Deep smoldering green eyes, almost emerald in contrast to his darkened skin. I wasn’t sure what nationality Wade was, but it made him appear as if he had a permanent tan. “Hi,” he says with a smile. Not just any smile, but one of those sinful make a girl too her panties to the wind kinda smile. Dangerous, it was the one word that came to mind when I looked at the computer screen. “Hi,” I respond with caution as I look over at my little sister with curiosity. “What?” She asks. “You and I will be talking later,” I tell her as I slowly move from the bed. Once I am out of the view of a certain soldier, I lift my hands in the air and mouth what the fuck. This of course only makes Elle laugh. “Is she freaking out?” Wade asks surprising me. I say no at the exact time Elle says yes and then they both begin to laugh leaving me even more stumped than before. Why did I suddenly feel so parental over my sister? As I stood back observing her, I realized it was the first time since Luke’s funeral I had heard a genuine laugh fall from her lips. Part of me wanted to be okay with it being Wade that brought it out in her but another part had me wondering what he had to gain. She was still so vulnerable and raw over the loss and I wasn’t about to let him or any other man for that matter take advantage of her state. I walked out of Elle’s room with a knot in my stomach as I began descending the stairs toward the kitchen. My mother was standing at the sink with her back toward me when I entered. “Has Elle talked to you about a guy named Wade at all?” My mother didn’t even flinch as if she knew I was coming. “Yes, she has.” She said nothing more.

“And?” Her shoulders bounced lightly indicated she was now laughing at me and my persistence. “And she met him once before when Luke and her were Skyping. He seems like a nice man.” “The timing isn’t an alarming indication,” I state only making her laugh more. “Listen momma Liz,” she says as she finally turns around to face me. “Elle is a big girl, and just because she a Wade are talking doesn’t meant they are dating. I think they find comfort in one another by simply talking about the friend they’ve both lost.” She steps forward and places her hand on my arm. “She knows she has you and me, but she also knows that you have Ben.” I start to interrupt, but she stops me. “Wade gives her comfort and I’m not gonna question that. He makes her laugh and let’s face it, that has been rare lately. Luke was one of Elle’s best friends, and Wade’s too. Let them provide comfort to one another without questioning it. They are both adults.” I nod my head, even though I wanted to march back upstair and tell him to be kind to her heart or I’d cut off his manhood. But more than my need to hover and demand, was a need to see my happy hearted sister return. For a small amount of time I’d seen that only moments ago, and it was because of Wade. *** “Ms. Berfield,” one of the kids yelled out as I exited my office and enter the game room. It is more like a huge living room in the center of the youth center, filled with an assorted of items. Air hockey table, Ping pong table and about three large televisions. One is set up for playstation games, the other a Wii. The third one is designated for the younger kids to watch movies on. There is also two tables set up for board games, coloring or whatever else the kids decide to use them for. This room is the general hang out for most when they weren’t in the gym playing basketball or outside on the playground running ragged. I notice Miguel waving me over toward the corner of the room. He was surrounded by a few of the teenage girls as they watched him in awe. Miguel was a bit of a charmer and he knew it, he played it off very well. He had that edge that most young girls fawned over. That, I know you’re there but I’m unaffected, edge. Which in turn only made the girls try harder to gain his attention. I began moving in his direction and paused just as I reach the end of the sofa. “Did you need something?” I ask as I look over the small group around him. “He bet us he could beat you in a game of bowling,” Fiona says as she leans back against the couch cushions. “Come Ms. B,” Miguel shoots me that million dollar smile I’m sure makes all the younger girls swoon. He was definitely gonna break some hearts over the

years I’m sure. “You and me,” he says holding out the Wii stick. “Okay fine,” I say taking it from him. “But if I win you have gym duty during the younger kids’ time slot for the next two weeks.” He thought about it for a minute. “Fine,” he agrees as he stands and slides over to make room for me. Gym duty meant he would not only have to entertain the younger kids during their hour and a half, but he would to be responsible for cleaning up the equipment and putting it away. As the game began, we started to form a crowd around us. Both younger and older kids moved in creating fan groups for each of us. Of course his consisted of all the girls that drooled over him and mine was formed by the remaining. Chants for each of us were mixed with laughter and words of encouragement. It was the first time all day I felt relaxed. It was also the moment I understood that I was spending the majority of my time maintaining the office instead of the things I loved. I wanted to interact with the kids, be there for them and form bonds. I wanted to be the person they came to when they needed a friend to talk to. The entire point of taking on this job wasting able to reach the kids on a level that most had a hard time accomplishing. Sometimes the kids used the youth center as a place to escape from the life they were forced to live at home. Loneliness of being an only child, or simply gaining freedom from parents that forgot they were there because they were too busy fighting and arguing. This was a place a solitude for these kids and I was missing out on the best part of my job. “You are so going down,” I say with a laugh as I throw my hands up in the air celebrating yet another strike. “How does it feel losing to a girl?” I taunted Miguel causing him to chuckle. “Games not over yet Ms. B.” I watch as he holds out the controller, concentrating on the screen. When the pins are reset he positions himself just right and squints his eyes and he pulls back his arm and mimics the movements of throwing a bowling ball. Silence settles in over the room as each person around us watches the screen. I swear you could have heard a pin drop. The ball makes contact and the pins split as the fall to the sides. The two outer ones begin to wobble and Miguel throws his hands up in the air, “Oh yeah,” he belts out. The cocky teenager begin to celebrate a strike but I remain in the same spot watching the television. Those same two pins continue to wobble before suddenly righting themselves once more. Laughter spills out from the kids causing Miguel to spin around and face the TV. “No way,” he complains, “they were down.” Disbelief covers his features as he looks from me to the screen once more. “I would wear comfortable shoes,” I tell him with a smirk, “those little ones

are crazy when gym time hits. You’ll be running around and those slip on’s aren’t gonna cut it.” He narrows his eyes and for a moment I thought he was gonna be one of those poor sports. The kind of guys that couldn’t accept defeat, and I suddenly felt sorry for him. I’d always hated those type of guys growing up, the wussy type that pouted when things didn’t go their way. Then he surprises me. “You’re all right Ms. B,” he says with a smile. “No wonder that guy of yours likes you so much.” “You’re all right too,” I tell him as I hold out the controller to him. “What do you say we share gym duty?” “Works for me,” he says with a chuckle. “But I bet I can beat you in a game of one on one.” I walk away shaking my head. When will the boy learn not to doubt me?



Chapter Nineteen

BEN

“Your brothers are Menaces,” my mother said with a laugh. “I figured by now they’d be out on their own living it up as two bachelors. You know the clubs, parties and women, but no, they choose to live here and drive me nuts.” “Maybe you should pack their things and set them on the front porch,” I tell her. “Maybe they’ll get the hint.” “I can’t get that lucky.” My mother was a pistol, always saying whatever it was always on her mind, regardless of who may hear it. She was barely five foot tall, but her attitude packed one hell of a punch. “When is the son I raised right coming home for a visit?” She asks. She brings my impending visit up every single time we talk and each time I feel guilty for staying away. It was always easier to avoid the anger of my past if I stayed away from Boston. Holly was a thing of the past and going home meant drudging up old wounds I’d prefer to forget. “You can’t stay away forever,” she adds as if she knows exactly what was running through my mind. “You’re better off without the likes of that girl anyway. I never thought she was worthy of my son.” “Biased,” I say with a laugh. “No, I just know my son’s worth, and it is so much more than what that girl ever had to offer.” It wasn’t so much that I felt as if seeing her would bring back old feelings, I knew those were gone. They were gone long ago. It was the anger, and the betrayal I dreaded. I had never truly faced that part of the situation. “I’d like to meet this Liz person I’ve been hearing about from your father.” At the mention of Liz I couldn’t help but feel slightly less irritable. “From the sounds of it you are smitten.” I’ll admit I’ve shared my struggles to break down Liz numerous times with my father during our many conversations. He’d laughed each time as if he’d known firsthand the situation I faced. I’m sure my mother had given him a run for his money during their younger days. I know she challenges him now and he smiles each time, appearing to be unaffected by her efforts.

“She keeps me on my toes,” I tell her choosing to leave it at that. “Talk to this girl of yours and tell her your mother wants to meet her. I think I could offer her some useful information, after all I know you best.” “Yeah,” I said leaning forward and resting my elbows on the table as I hold the phone to my ear. “Not so sure I want you offering her any useful tips.” I chuckled picturing my mother sharing with Elizabeth all the ways she’d attempted to torture my father over the weekend. “She challenges me enough already,” I assure her which only seems to please her more. “Well, good, that keeps things interesting,” I can hear the smile I know is written on her face. “But I’d still like to meet Liz.” “I’ll see what I can do,” I tell her thinking that maybe having Liz by my side as I revisit old memories may make it easier to face. A knock on the door gains my attention and for a moment I felt a rush of excitement run through me. Only it faded fast when I see the shadow on the other side is not small and petite but large and broad. It was late in the afternoon and I had only been home for less than thirty minutes as I impatiently waiting for my girl to get down at work. “I’m gonna let you go mom, I got someone knocking at my door.” I stand up from the table and begin moving toward that direction. “I’ll see what I can do though about setting up a visit.” “You better,” she states, “or I’ll be forced to send your brothers to live with you for a month for punishment.” She laughs when I don’t respond. “Exactly, no one wants that.” We say our goodbyes and I open the front door just as another knock begins to find Ryker standing on the other side. Victoria stood next to him wearing one of those frilly dresses she always wears. Upon her head a sparkly crown and a matching wand in her hand. “I need a favor,” Ryker said regaining my attention. “I need you to keep Tori for a couple hours while I take Nicole in for her appointment.” “Everything okay?” “Yeah,” he assures me. “Just a regular visit, but someone has been getting a little too curious about how things work and asking a lot of questions.” I give him a curious look. “As in how things work, how,” he mouths the word babies, “are made and stuff.” This makes me chuckle as I picture little Tori giving both Ryker and Nicole the third degree on how her little brother or sister got in her mommy’s tummy. “Not cool dude,” Ryker says in a low tone, “she is too young for that conversation. Maybe when she’s eighteen.” He pauses for a minute as if deep in

thought. “Nope not even then.” I look down at Tori as she swings her wand from side to side, tapping it in the air as if granting some magical wish just before smiling brightly. I had to agree, a conversation about the birds and the bees would be hard as fuck with a young child. Especially if that child was your own and a girl. Maybe it was wrong but a son I’d think would be easier to have those types of conversations with. But this sweet little girl had not only Ryker on guard but me too. I felt sorry for any little punk that thought messing with Tori was a good idea. “So can you keep Miss Curiosity for a couple hours?” Ryker asked again. “Keep both me and Nicole from having a panic attack when she starts the third degree.” I chuckled as I knelt down in front of Victoria. “What do you say girl, wanna hang with Uncle Ben for a few hours?” She didn’t respond with words but they way she jumped into my arms and threshed arms around my neck was answer enough. “Thanks man,” Ryker said with relief. “Last time we had to distract with sweets and a new doll to get out of an uncomfortable situation. This helps more than you know.” I tried not to laugh as he hurried away looking lighter and less tense than he had only moments ago. I stood up, taking the little lady with me and moved inside, closing the door behind me. “You like cookies, right?” I couldn’t keep a straight face when her eyes grew wide and she practically glowed with excitement. “Yes,” she squealed and prior to Tori a pitch that high would have gone right through me making cringe. This little princess had taken a guy that never truly had a clue on how to handle a little girl and taught me patience. It no longer fazed me when she screamed and squealed with a tone that you’d think would crack glass. “I’m gonna teach you hoot bake,” I said. “Nana May lets me help her bake.” May Berfield was the only grandma figure Victoria had and I know she loved this little girl as if she truly was her own. I imagine for a moment how she would love to have some grandchildren of her own and in turn that made my heart race with the possibilities of a long ongoing future with Liz. It was something I wanted, the wife, kids and a big home we filled with havoc. Elizabeth may pretend that she herself doesn’t want any child, but I knew different. No woman that adores children the way Liz does, doesn’t want to someday be a mother herself. She just had that fear inside of her that I’d continue diminishing until it disappeared.



Chapter Twenty

LIZ

“What’s all this?” I asked as I walked into Ben’s apartment to find Victoria and Ben in his kitchen. I had knocked various times before deciding to enter on my own. The aroma hit me instantly and my stomach growled as I followed the sweet scent. Ben looked up with a smile on his face and offered me a wink, allowing Tori to answer me. “Cookies,” she states proudly as she spooned a glob of dough and let it drop to the cookie sheet in front of her. “Lots, and lots of cookies,” she added her eyes growing wide with excitement. She wasn’t joking, there were lots and lots. As in dozens scattered throughout the countertop on cooling racks. There were even containers filled with those I’m assuming were cooled enough to pack away. “I see that pumpkin, but why so many?” I ask as I round the counter and step in closer to the two of them. “Uncle Ben said that we should make extra for the kids at your work,” she explains as she continues to add small balls of dough to the pan. “He said they would love them.” Uncle Ben sounded so sweet coming from her. Tori had a way of making any adult feel awed. That smile of hers could brighten anyone’s day. I look passed her and find Ben watching me close, and it made my heart beat rapidly. How one simple look from a man could make even reservation I have ever felt disappear almost instantly I will never truly understand. “Uncle Ben is right,” I said not taking my eyes from his. “I usually am,” he adds with a smirk only making me laugh. “Is that so?” “I was right about you,” he states moving around Tori and stepping up behind me. I turned slightly into his body and looked up just as he tilts his head downward. “I knew if I gave you time, you’d realize how good we are together. I knew you’d be worth the battle.” I could feel the heat rising in my neck caused by the smoldering look he was offering me. I was also aware of the small person only inches away. Though she

was occupied with the cookies, she was still there, which made it next to impossible for me to react the way my body wanted to. “Still so sure,” I say instead of reacting. Thoughts of climbing him like a tree as he carries me off to the bedroom to perform a long list of naughty things racing through my mind. By the way his eyes still roamed over my face and the way he held me close, I knew he was most likely having a few dirty thoughts of his own. “I know,” he whispered as his lips brush over mine. “Later I’ll remind you of just how good.” When he pulled back without actually giving me a kiss and moved away toward the oven, a feeling of disappointment hit me. The man was a tease. “Now, stop distracting me,” he adds playfully as he reaches in the oven to remove a fresh batch of baked chocolate chip cookies. “My little woman here and I have plans.” “I see that,” I say ignoring the heat pooling low in my stomach. “What triggered this little bake off you two have going on anyway?” “Mommy and daddy are at the hospital,” Tori responds nonchalantly making my eyes grow wide with worry. “The doctor,” Ben corrects obviously aware of my growing concern. “A regular visit and Ryker says someone,” he holds his hand above Tori’s head where she can’t see, pointing toward her, “is asking too many questions.” “Oh,” I mouthed. Unable to fight the smile I that was pulling at my lips imagining the questions little miss curious must be asking. “My girl here would rather bake cookies then go off to some stuffy doctor’s office anyway,” Ben says quickly changing the subject. “What amazes me is that you know how to bake cookies.” “I’m full of surprises,” He adds with a wink as he moves around the small kitchen with ease. Each day I got another little piece of this man, and each day he seemed to burrow his way into my heart a little deeper. He wasn’t what I had imagined from the beginning. The cocky soldier that swooped in, rocked my night and moved on. There was so much more to Ben, so much hidden beneath that strong rough exterior. The guy that stood before me didn’t hesitate to spend the afternoon baking with a little girl that wasn’t his own. He didn’t flinch when she offered him a pink frilly apron she obviously brought from home, but owned it and wore it proudly. “Can I help?” I ask as I step up next to Tori and lean over on the counter getting closer to her. “You can give the pan to Uncle Ben when I have it ready.” It truly was adorable how grown up she was acting as she took extra care in

adding the same amount of dough to each uncooked cookie. As I quietly watched I felt Ben’s hand glide over my lower back, just before he gripped my hip. Standing up once more, I leaned my body against his and felt his chest against my back. He wasted no time allowing his hand to continue around me, coming to rest over my stomach. The way he held me firmly against him, kissing the skin exposed at the base of my neck. “Missed you,” he confessed hugging my body to his. I never thought I’d want to hear those things from a man, but I was wrong. “Missed you,” I say in return arching my neck to look back over my shoulder. The smile that covered his lips just before he presses them to mine sent chills through me. It was pointless to fight this attachment inside me, I needed this man, more and more each day. But more importantly I wanted him. Ben had me breaking all the rules I had make for myself and that nervous energy I had felt inside each time has slowly began to fade. I was being reckless with my heart but nothing had ever felt so good.



Chapter Twenty One

BEN

I woke up to the sound of the shower running, and the soft hum of her voice as she sang the words of some random song. For a moment I lay still just listening as both soothe me. I’d noticed since we returned home after Luke’s funeral that something about her changed. She stopped fighting me when I said sweet things, or showed her affection and in turn gave it back without hesitation. When I could no longer wait, I crawled from the bed and moved toward the open door of the bathroom. The silhouette of the most gorgeous girl I knew moved beyond the frosted glass. Her arms above her head as she massaged her hair before stepping back beneath the spray go the shower head. I lowered my boxers to the floor and moved toward her as I quietly pushed the door to the side and stepped into the shower. Standing back I took her in inch by perfect inch. I had never felt this attracted to one person, this undeniable desire to touch and hold another person. It was like an invisible pull toward her that made me feel weak and unable to resist. When she lowered her chin and slowly opened her eyes a smile cover her lips. “Good morning,” she cooed. No longer able to remain distant I reached out and took a step toward her at the same time hooking her around the waist. The instant the front of her body molding to mine I leaned in and covered her mouth with my own. With my height compared to hers I was forced to slouch. Within seconds her back was pressed against the tiled wall and her hands were fisting the hair at the base of my neck. “Mornin’,” I add in a husky whisper just before taking her mouth once more. Addictive, it was the only way to describe the feelings that rushed through me whenever I held her close. The movement of her lips against mine and the softness of her tongue as it moved with my own made it impossible to remain in control of my hunger. Allowing my hand to glide over her slick skin I felt my heart race. Continuing my journey lower and lower she moaned when my hand slipped between her thighs as she parted her legs. “Always ready,” I praised her pushing my finger inside of her I grew harder as I added a second finger. Greedy, that was my girl. She loved being touched and teased. Yes she

pretended to grow irritated when I would pull back just before she reached her peak but she enjoyed every second of it. That racing rush of need, the animalistic desire that built and built before it ignited leaving you breathless. The problem with that was this morning I didn’t feel like waiting. Pulling my hand away she pouted until I lifted her leg and moved in closer positioning myself before her. We both became transfixed at the place between us as I slowly began to enter her. Moaning in unison I pushed in deep causing her to gasp from the intrusion. I’d never felt anything in my life that felt as good as being inside Liz. It was like she was made solely for me. *** Her dampened hair lay across my chest as her body lay sprawled out and spent from our ongoing activities. Meaning we’d sexed ourselves to a near coma. Her light snore filled the silence of the room and a noise I’d find annoying coming from any other, I found it soothed me. It meant she was where she belonged. With me, in my arms. “I love you,” I whispered as if to test how it felt on my lips. It was something I’d felt for weeks, only I held back for fear of her reaction. I’d never expected a response, as I thought she was still sleeping but was surprised when she whispered in return. “I love you too.” I’d felt fear from the times I was trapped in a foreign country, bullets flying around me and those I called my brothers. I’ve felt the rush of adrenaline when we’d been ordered to move into unknown territory. Hell, I’ve felt a million different emotions over the years I spent as a soldier and even before that time. Never and I do mean never had I felt what I felt in that moment. She loved me. Knowing her background and the things she’d refused to allow herself to feel over the years, made this much more sweeter. I remained still waiting for her reaction. Her body shifted against mine and suddenly she lifted her head, resting her chest on my shoulder as her eyes locked with mine. “Loving you doesn’t scare me,” she confesses, “actually the opposite. It makes me feel safe.” Before allowing it a second thought, I hook her beneath her arms and pull her body upward, covering my own. “You make me feel safe,” I tell her and her smile pulls at something deep inside me. Her eyes close for a moment as she swallows hard. I knew in that moment everything I’d felt from the moment I met her was the greatest thing I’d ever experienced. I wanted more, I wanted it all and I wanted it with her. “Will you go away with me, to Boston?” I ask as I skim over her jaw with my

thumb. “My mother keeps pushing to meet the woman I’ve fallen in love with.” “How does she know about me?” “My father,” I say only making her confused look grow. “Baby I’ve been talking about you ever since you took the phone from Ryker that night at the bar and promised me a night I’d never forget.” Her body shook against mine as she laughed. “Please tell me you didn’t share that bit of information with your parents.” When I shrugged, she swatted at my arm and I spun her over positioning my body above hers. She gasped when I pressed my hardness against her, wiggling my way between her thighs. “Those moments are only ours,” I tell her as I glide my cocker her slickness. “But they do know all about the stubborn girl who thought she could outwit me.” Before she could argue, I pushed forward and entered her in one stroke. Liz’s back arched, her tits smashing against me as she dug her nails into my shoulder and back. “I want my family to know you,” I say as I slowly move inside of her, “tell me you go with me.” “Yes,” she whispers as I slide into her once again. I wasn’t sure if she was telling me yes she’d go or yes do that again and again. I’d assume it meant both but for now I’ll give her what I think we both need at the moment.



Chapter Twenty Two

LIZ I pulled into the parking space next to Ben’s truck and place my car in park. For a moment I remain seated as I look out through the windshield unable to keep from smiling. Seeing two big burly men traipsing around at the demand of a tiny girl in a princess dress will never get old. There truly was something about a man showing his softer side when it came to children that made a woman’s ovaries reach damn near combustion. Victoria had every single male in her life wrapped securely around her finger. She said tea party and they sat in an instant, ready to be served tea and cookies. She demanded they play dolls and they picked up a brush and start combing it throughout the hair of the first doll they could find. It was mesmerizing really and extremely adorable. Not to mention a heart fluttering moment. Ben would one day make an amazing father, I could see that each time he was with Tori. In the time he’s lived in Arab, she has managed to make him fall in love with her too. It made it easy to imagine him with his own children one day. I took in a deep breath and gathered my bag as I finally crawled from my car, wondering to myself what it would be like to see him so that type of love and attention to his own kids. Maybe even ours kids one day. Because deep down, though I never admit it outloud, being a mother would feel amazing. Nicole sat in a lounge chair a few feet off the bottom step that led to their apartment with a bottle of water in her hand. She is adorable pregnant, I thought so the first time and I thought so now. Only this time, she embraced the pregnant life. There was no sadness from the knowledge of knowing she would be going at it alone, she had Ryker this time. Ryker was the best kind of man, because he loved Nicole with everything he could and more. “Hey Momma,” I said as I step up to her side and bend over to give her shoulder a light squeeze. “How ya feeling?” “Fat, swollen and unbelievably blessed,” she replied with a beaming smile. I shook my head because for the last few weeks, she has answered that very question with that same very answer. Eight months pregnant and all she had to show for it was a bump beneath the maternity top she wore that resembled a basketball. It was so cute, and I hoped if one day I ever was pregnant, I carried it as well as she did.

“They been doing this long?” I ask as I point toward the men that were currently dancing around in a circle holding the hands of a very happy little girl. Each of them sang Ring Around the Rosy, as if they were lost in some fantasyland. No woman out there could watch this and not fall in love, and if they tried to convince me otherwise, I’d laugh at their lie. Ben and Ryker were very good at playing along. “For the last hour maybe,” Nicole says as she stretches out her legs. A groan escapes her as she attempts to bend over to rub her calve. “God damn,” she complains when she can’t reach the spot because her stomach gets in the way. A look of frustration covering her face as she rocks a little in her chair as if trying to get out of the chair and having not luck. “Need help?” I already know the answer and I kneel and begin to rub and massage her calf muscle of her. “My legs always hurt so bad,” she says. “And my back is killing me. I don’t remember my back hurting like this with Tori.” “Because this one is a boy,” I insist. I’ve said it from the beginning and every time I got the chance since. Ryker and her have chosen to keep the sex of the baby a secret, I think they’ve enjoyed the torture. Our torture, not their own. They truly loved the idea of it being surprise, but I hated it. I wanted to buy sweet little gifts and order things online whenever I ran across them, but this need for secrecy has placed a halt to all that. “Ryker would agree with you,” she says as she sags back in the chair foregoing her need to stand. I was rubbing away, unaware of anything around me other than the particular spot on Nicole’s leg when a pained cry filled the air. Looking up immediately I see Nicole grip her side and twist slightly in the chair. I had no time to react before Ryker was at her side kneeling next to her. He reached out and touched the very spot her hand still remained. “Babe,” he says his voice laced with panic. “What is it?” “Pain,” she says between two deep breaths. “Sharp stabbing pain.” “Grab Tori,” Ryker directs me as he bends over and scoops up his pregnant wife like she weighs absolutely nothing. “Keep her with you,” it sounded as if it was a question, but he moved across the front lawn without looking back as if it was more of a demand. “Where are we going?” I hear Nicole ask and it is evident she is still in pain. “Hospital.” Ryker wasn’t the type to mess around and he wasn’t gonna let his complaining wife stop him from whisking her away to the nearest ER either. No

amount of arguing was going to change his mind. “It could be nothing,” she tells him. “But it could be something,” he throws back at her just before tossing her in the truck and moving around to the drivers side after quickly shutting the door. “What’s wrong with mommy?” Tori asks as Ben steps up to my side. He held her in his arms, as we all looked toward the truck that was now speeding away. “She’s okay sweetheart,” I assure her even though I have no clue as to what was going on. “She just needs to go to the doctor and check on your little baby.” “Do you think we should follow?” Ben asks and I find his concern for my best friend just another reason why I truly adore him. “Like he said it could be something.” “Come on,” I say tugging on his arm. “Let’s take my car, I have the booster for Tori.” Ben didn’t argue. Instead, he took the initiative to fasten in Victoria and even double checked to make sure all was secure before he sandwiched himself in the passenger’s seat. Sandwiched meaning my car was entirely too small for a man his size. I actually felt a little sorry for him and how uncomfortable he appeared. Tori talked the entire way to the hospital about dolls, pretty dresses and wanting to know when she could bake with Uncle Ben again. I chose to remain silent as I quietly observed his interaction with her. He was honestly so good with her that it was hard to believe she was the first child he’d interacted with regularly. *** We’d been waiting in the waiting area for close to an hour when Ryker joined us. The first thing I saw was the spot of blood on his shirt and the solemn look on his face. Those two alone made me feel nauseous as tears sprung to my eyes. Victoria had fallen asleep about fifteen minutes ago and I was glad, she didn’t need to see this. “Ryker?” I whisper and it makes my throat burn. “She’s gonna be okay,” he replies only he didn’t sound so sure. Ben placed his free hand, the one he wasn’t using to hold Tori, against my back to soothe me. I close my eyes and concentrate on his palm moving back and forth in a slow manner. “They said the placenta detached from the uterus,” I open my eyes and look at Ryker when he speaks once again. “They are prepping her for surgery.” “She’ll be okay,” I repeat assuring him of his own statement. “So will your son,” I whisper and he hangs his head, covering his face with his hands. “You think so too, huh?” I was trying to keep him calm and when he nodded his head agreeing with me I smiled.

“They have to be okay,” his voice was a hoarse whisper and it made my heart feel as if it was being squeezed tightly in my chest. “They have to.” “They will,” I assure him, “they have to be.”



Chapter Twenty Two

BEN

I felt like there was more I should do, only I had no idea what that may be. I felt useless, unable to offer Liz the comfort she needed. The truth was, I don’t think anything would comfort her truly until she was able to see both Nicole and Baby Daniels safe and sound. Ryker had gone back close to an hour ago. He was being prepped to join his wife in the operating room as they welcomed their child into the world. He had tried to remain calm, but I could see the fear in his eyes. I’d spent too many years with the guy during some torturous times, some scary times actually, and I knew that look. “What could be taking so long?” I tried to reposition a sleeping girl on my lap so that I could offer comfort to Liz, but it was difficult. To be honest, I wanted her in my lap holding her close. “Everything is gonna be okay,” I tell her trying my hardest to hide any doubt I may be feeling. “They have to be okay,” when her eyes meet mine, it almost breaks me to see the fear in her eyes. “They will be,” I assured her. Ryker’s parents’ as well as Nicole’s dad got here shortly after we did, but they each paced the waiting area unable to remain still. The sound of approaching footsteps gained the attention of everyone in the room as we all watched the open doorway willing it to be someone with good news. Ryker stepped into the open space and the parents crowded him with hopeful stares. “They’re okay,” he said as tears rolled along his cheeks, “Nicole and our son.” A relieved cry escaped Liz as her body sagged forward. Elle who sat on the other side of Liz leaned forward and wrapped Liz in her arms as they both let go of the worry they had bound up inside them. May entered the waiting area and let out a gasp when she found her daughters holding one another and crying. “They’re okay,” I assured her. I watched as she closed her eyes and tilted her head up to the ceiling her lips moving, but I was unable to hear the words she

spoke. It was almost as if she was praying and most likely she was. The entire event that had stretched out over the last few hours lay heavy on all of us. “Five pounds and two ounces,” Ryker states proudly. “Ben if you have a minute, I need to talk to you.” I looked up at Ryker with confusion wondering what he possibly needed to talk to me about that could not wait. Nicole’s father moves in and leans over to remove Victoria from my lap and find myself standing and walking toward him. Everyone stepped back allowing us space and I still hadn’t spoken as I watched Ryker close. “Nicole and I wanted to ask you something before we named our son.” My heart raced as he continued. “We wanted to name our son after Luke and I needed to be sure you were okay with that.” “I think he would’ve loved that,” I say feeling the rawness of my throat. Ryker too looked emotional and for a moment we shared a hug that was not only a congratulatory one, but one of remembrance of a man that would forever mean something to the both of us. Lucas Ryker Daniels would carry on a name that would forever remind us of one hell of a man. *** “I think he looks like his daddy,” Liz said as she dried her hair with a towel. “His tiny little nose is his momma’s though for sure. Tori has that same nose.” I watched the way Elizabeth lit up when Ryker placed his son in her hands. I watched as she cooed and looked over him, inspecting every little thing about him. The way she curled him in close to her chest and kissed his little hand before placing another on his forehead. For a moment, I imagined her doing that very same thing to her own child one day. A child I hoped I fathered. “You still gonna try to convince me you don’t want children?” She paused almost instantly before quickly recovering as if to hide her reaction to my words. “I think we both know you’re lying.” Turning her back to me she went back to drying her hair. With a shrug, she continued so I couldn’t see her face. “I can love my nieces and nephews and still not want any of my own.” I stood from the bed and moved toward her, wrapping my arms around her from behind. “I think we’d make some damn cute kids.” When her body tensed in my arms, I couldn’t help but chuckle. “I love kids, and maybe,” she paused as she tried to wiggle away from me. “Maybe what?” “You are difficult,” she complained and I held her tighter. “Fine, maybe one

day I’d like to be a mom.” “Are you happy now?” “I was happy before,” I assure her as I turn her in my arms and hold her to me. “I’ll confess though, hearing you finally admit that does make me slightly happier.”



Chapter Twenty Three

LIZ

“He is just so tiny,” I said as I lifted little Luke from his bassinet and held him securely against me. “It’s hard to believe that Victoria was ever this small.” I move across the bedroom and sit on the bed next to Nicole. Ryker had made a choice to confine her to the bedroom, safely tucked in bed during her recovery. The doctor didn’t set those rules, he did. I thought it was adorable, she of course found it severely annoying. “He is the polar opposite of Tori that’s for sure.” Nicole says, “remember the set of lungs she had when she got pissed?” We both laughed, do I ever, it was so loud. “ She still has those lungs, so I guess time didn’t change that. He’s just so quiet all the time.” “I’m so happy for you,” I tell her as I look down at the tiny little boy in my arms. “You have an amazing family, a loving husband, the sweetest little girl and now this little guy.” “I’m happy for you too,” she replies causing me to look up at her wondering what she could be referring to. “Letting go of that fear you’ve hard for as long as I can remember wasn’t easy for you, I know. But you’ve opened your heart and the happiness it’s brought you is something any person who truly knows you couldn’t miss. You deserve this Liz, and so much more.” She was right, it wasn’t easy. Some days I still find myself questioning my choice to let Ben in. I know now it was more a fear of losing what we have than questioning it. I never wanted to remember what it was like before him, before us. “Ben is a good man,” I say confidently. “He was right, I didn’t have hope when it came to avoiding him. He is dedicated.” I smile when she laughs. She knew what I meant because she had one just like him. Luke began to fuss and made the cutest little suckle noises, which meant he was hungry. I turned toward Nicole and began to lower him in her arms just as Ryker entered the room. “That boy is just like his daddy, because that too is one of my favorite places to be.” He chuckled when Nicole glared at him. “What? I’m just being honest.” “On that note,” I say as I stand up and move out of the way so Ryker can position the pillow beneath Nicole’s elbow. “I’m gonna get to work, but I’ll stop

by later to get my baby fix.” “You wouldn’t need a baby fix if you faced the fact that you were born to be a momma too.” I ignored Nicole’s words as I exited the room and began walking toward the front door. What was it with people, first Ben and now Nicole. We’d only been together a couple months, yes we’ve known one another longer, but still it was entirely too soon. We were nowhere near marriage and babies territory. But it was a nice thought to dream about. I did something I hadn’t done in a while as I drove across town to the center. I rolled down the windows and turned up the radio as I sang along to the lyrics. As I turned the corner off of Cullman onto Main, the traffic was backed up more than this small town of Arab usually sees. Turning my stereo down, I leaned out my window enough to look passed the traffic ahead and was able to see flashing lights up ahead. Main was notorious for fender benders due to those that chose to blow through the stop signs on the crossing roads that intersected. I knew most likely I’d be exactly where I was for a bit, so I placed my car in park and picked up my phone. Me: I was thinking that I’d cook for you tonight. I typed out the message and hit send. I knew Ben was working, but on his break he’d respond. I look up from my phone at the sound of an approaching ambulance as it whizzed by toward the flashing lights. Chills covered my arms and neck as the severity of the accident became clear. A second ambulance approached, wearing through traffic and speeding ahead. Deciding that it was best to call the center and warn them of my delay I quickly dialed and held the phone to my ear. “Arab Youth Center,” Katie the college intern answers. The normal spunkiness was vacant from her voice. “Hey Katie, it’s Liz,” I say and before I can say anything more she immediately starts talking again. “Liz, it’s Brayden and his sister,” at the mention of Brayden and Khloe those chills returned instantly. “They were struck by a man that ran a red light.” “What do you mean, struck?” I could feel the tightness in my chest making it hard to breath evenly. “Are they okay?” “I don’t know,” she said and I could tell she was now crying. “Sam went outside to help the delivery driver unload the new chairs for the game room and he saw it all happen. They were crossing the road and some idiot ran the light.” I was gripping the phone so tight my hand had begun to sweat.

“Sam said that Brayden’s sister attempted to push him out of the way, but he was still hit. Sam ran to help and I don’t know anything more, I just know that it’s bad Liz. Real bad.” Katie was now crying harder. I was already looking for somewhere to pull my car over and out of traffic. It was as if I was moving without thought, the need to get to them was overpowering my actions. Ben’s face flashing in my mind and the thought that he had already suffered such a loss, he didn’t need another. Khloe and he were close. “I’m on my way,” I tell Katie as I end the call and grab my purse and keys from the ignition. I practically ran down Main toward the flashing lights, my throat burning in the process. With each step the panic within me grew. As I reached the front of the center, I could barely breathe. Bending at the waist, I took in a deep breath trying to regain some control. My emotions took over as the scene before me unfolded and I realized just how terrible it was. Brayden was being loaded onto a gurney, but he was thrashing from side to side, screaming Khloe’s name. The paramedics did their best to calm him but he was wild with worry. I scanned the street in search of what he’d seen and when my gaze landed on Kloe, my knees buckled and I collapsed to the ground. A deep ache settled in my stomach as they slowly began to pull the white sheet upward and draped it over Kloe’s body. I think I may have cried out ‘no’, but it honestly didn’t even sound like my voice. Brayden screamed out as well and the agony broke me. She was all he had and now she was gone. There I sat on the sidewalk outside the center, tears rolling over my cheeks unable to look away. I had never in my life witnessed anything as heartbreaking as what took place before me and I couldn’t move. Oh my god, I couldn’t breath.



Chapter Twenty Four

BEN

“I think if we moved this from here,” I said as I lifted the thimble we were using as a indicator and repositioned it on the layout before us, “to here, it would work better.” Both Sarah and Wyatt stare at the display as if contemplating the new position, intense looks upon their faces. The door to the conference room came open and in rushed Luann the secretary. “Ben,” I could tell she was attempting to remain calm but the look on her face said whatever it was on her mind was nothing to be calm about. “Mr. Daniels is here for you.” Ryker had taken a few weeks off after the delivery of Lucas to be home with Nicole. After the scare he had, I didn’t blame him for wanting to keep them all close. But he wasn’t home with them now, he was here. Panic shot through me as I dropped the file in my hand and moved from the conference room toward the front office. Whatever reason he had for being here was one of urgency. Otherwise he would have called instead of driving to Huntsville to tell me. As I rounded the corner I found Ryker standing with his back to me as he fisted the hair at the back of his neck. He turned around as if he heard my approach and the look on his face made my legs wobble. “Liz,” I say fearful of his response. “She’s okay,” he assures me as he takes a step closer. “I need you to come with me.” “Tell me whats going on.” “I will but I need to get you out of here first,” he says reaching out for me and I pull away before he can touch me. My fear turning to irritation, even though I was doing my very best to control it. “No,” I say, “you need to tell me know.” I sensed the battle he was facing, but he also had to know that not knowing was torturing me. “Is she hurt?” “Liz is safe,” he assures me. “She’s at the hospital with Brayden.”

“Khloe’s brother,” I say now confused. “What the hell happened to Brayden?” “Can we get out of here and talk?” He asked as he looked over my shoulder. I look behind me to find not only Luann, but Sarah and Wyatt too all watching us closely. I turn back to face him and nod, as I allow him to lead me from the building. When we reach the parking lot I pause. “Okay now tell what the hell’s going on.” Ryker hung his head and fuck if I didn’t feel that shit deep in my stomach. I could see whatever it was he had to say was eating away at him. “Just tell me,” I say as he lifts his head and our eyes lock. “Tell me,” I say again. “Brayden was struck by a car,” he says and fucking chills cover my back and arms. “Khloe was dropping him off and they were crossing the road, when I man ran the red light and struck them.” “Them?” “Khloe and Brayden,” his voice cracked when he said her name. “You said that Liz was with Brayden,” he nods as I take in a deep breath. “Where’s Khloe?” Ryker’s eyes bore into mine, a look I’d seen before hidden deep in them. The same look he wore when we buried our best friend. “Where’s Khloe?”, I ask again already feeling my body growing weak. “She saw the car before Brayden did and,” his voice cracked. “She pushed him out of the way, but wasn’t able to shield herself before she was struck.” A tear escaped Ryker’s eye and ran along his cheek. “The guy didn’t even hit the break, he hit her head on and,” he hung his head unable to say the rest. “She’s gone, isn’t she?” Silence settled over us and the only thing I could hear was the deep intake of my own breaths. “She’s dead,” I whisper still staring at him. When he looked back at me, fresh tears stained his cheeks and it broke me. I spun around as if in search of something to ease this pain inside of me. Khloe, a girl that pulled me out of my funk on my first night in Arab and didn’t take my shit. She befriended me and in that instant we clicked. I fucking loved the friendship we developed, that fun loving craziness that grew into more of a brother/sister kind of love. Now she was gone. “Let me take you home,” Ryker said from behind only I refused to listen. “Ben?”

I spun around and took a step toward him as anger took over my emotions. “When is it going fucking be enough?” I screamed the question and Ryker didn’t even flinch. “First Luke, now Khloe,” spit flying from my lips as I slowly broke and my own tears began to fall. “Two people that didn’t fucking deserve to die are gone. Two fucking people Ryker, and for what?” He let me fall apart, and he didn’t back down. “Did they get the motherfucker that did this?” “Yeah,” he says with a nod. “Young guy on his phone, instead of paying attention to where he was going.” I tried to remain in control, truly I did, but I was too far gone. I gripped the back of my neck, hunched over and screamed at the top of my lungs. “No!,” The one word echoed over the parking lot as I cried harder than I could remember. Everything hit me at once, Luke, Khloe and Brayden. Khloe chose to take her brother in after her mother decided running off with some man she barely knew was more important than taking care of her kids. She was nineteen and didn’t even flinch when she was given custody of her ten year old brother. She was all he had. I cried for what felt like forever, but I think it was needed. I had to break, before I could face the devastation of the loss. Ryker was waiting for me to be ready and when I stood and faced him, he offered me a reassuring nod. “That boy is gonna need a friend,” he says and all over again I feel that deep ache. “He’s gonna need someone he can talk to, someone to hold him up. I think if Khloe had to choose one person for him to have on his side it would have been you man.” I couldn’t speak, I was too raw, but I nodded in return as I stepped toward him. I didn’t flinch away when he wrapped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me in for a brotherly hug. Instead I embraced it. *** I didn’t think I could do it, in fact it took four attempts to get me there. I paused just outside of the room where Brayden was and leaned my head against the coolness of the wall. I took in a deep breath forcing myself to hold it together. “She shouldn’t have pushed me out of the way.” The voice of child spoke. I leaned in closer to the open doorway and listened. “If she would have let it happen, it would have been me under that sheet and not her.” “She was protecting you.” It was Liz’s voice and in that instant I wanted to rush inside the hospital room and take her into my arms. I needed to feel her body against mine, but I remained where I was. “She loved you Brayden and protecting you from harm meant more to

her than anything else in this world. I think we both know that nothing would have stopped her from doing exactly what she did today to ensure you were safe.” In that moment, I think I fell in love with Elizabeth just a little more. She was such a beautiful person not only on the outside. She was caring and compassionate and to hear her comforting Khloe’s brother was confirmation of the love she had inside of her. A love that I was lucky enough to be gifted. That was a gift I would cherish forever. Without another moment wasted, I stepped into the opened doorway and Brayden looked up, our eyes locking with one another’s. “Hey buddy,” I say moving forward and taking him in my arms. He came willingly as he held me just as tight and together we cried for the loss of a girl we both loved and adored. When I turned my head just enough to see Liz watching us, I noticed she too was crying. “I love you,” I mouthed she then closed her eyes tightly for a moment as she took in a deep breath. When she finally opened them, she reached out and touched my thigh mouthing the words in return.



Chapter Twenty Five

LIZ

“What time is the service?” I looked up to find both my mother and Elle standing in the doorway of my room. They had both changed out of their pajamas and were now wearing dress clothes. Their hair styled and kind, soothing looks upon their faces. I broke, for the fifth time since I woke. Granted I’d only slept a matter of a few hours as I’ve been unable to get Brayden and Ben out of my mind. I left Ben’s a little after ten when both he and Brayden fell asleep after a long day of conversing with social services and the funeral home. Ben is fighting for custody of Brayden and his dedication to keeping him out of the system proves what a loving man he is. Brayden had already lost so much. He’d been granted temporary placement until all investigative measures were sifted through. Brayden seemed grounded when he was with Ben, they needed one another. Khloe was cremated and a memorial services was to be held in her honor. No family would come, only those that loved her here in Arab. “You’re going?” I asked hearing the crack in my voice. When my mother nodded her head, the tears fell from my eyes and rolled along my cheeks. It was something I’ve been unable to stop even when I’ve tried. It all seemed so unfair. Khloe was an amazing person and though I may have barely known her myself, she and Ben had created a bond that I found refreshing. They were like brother and sister in most senses, and in turn, Brayden had developed the same closeness. I was glad he had Ben. “We’re all going,” Elle said as she moved in closer. “Ryker and Nicole are meeting us at Norton’s Funeral Home, we just need to confirm the time. “Eleven,” I say my throat feeling as if it is raw. “It starts at eleven.” Elle sat down on the bed next to me as she soothingly rubbed my back. My mother excused herself saying she’ll call Nicole. I sit still numb by the reality of this situation. “I know what you’re gonna say when I ask you, because you are always so selfless in times of sadness, but please will you be honest with me?” I didn’t even

offer my sister a glance as I stare ahead at the empty doorway before me. “For a moment just stop and think of you, how are you?” “I’m fine,” I insist. “You are not fine,” Elle raises her voice enough to gain my all attention. “You haven’t been fine since you walked up on that accident and for once I need you to admit it. Admit that you aren’t all put together and tuff as nails. God damn it, please just let someone else help you for a change!” I tried my best to hold it together, it wasn’t in my nature to break. I was the one that held others afloat, I kept everything together. The problem with that is on the inside I was falling apart. Piece by shattered piece I was crumbling. “I can’t,” I finally say shaking my head and attempting to stand. “No,” I say trying to move out of Elle’s grasp, only she refused to let me go. “I can’t do this.” “You can,” she insists and I fist my hands at myself in one last feeble attempt. Then I caved, my body feeling defeated and rung out. Elle wrapped her arms around me and held my body to hers as my tears fell heavy. “I’ve never in my life felt as broken as I had the moment the emergency personal lowered the sheet over Khloe’s body.” I say, my voice sounding loud and angry mixed with my cries. “It was horrible Elle. I think something inside me broke that morning. Something I’m not sure will ever be mended and I feel wrong for feeling that way. She was Ben’s friend and I barely knew her.” “You have the right to mourn her death Liz, my god you have seen her daily when she dropped off her brother and the times she was with you and Ben. You may not have been as close to her as Ben, but she was a friend to you.” I took in a deep breath feeling silly for breaking. “This isn’t about me,” I say quickly drying my tears and doing my best to right myself. “I need to hold it together for Ben and Brayden.” I ignore Elle’s disapproving stare and stand from the bed moving toward the full length mirror on the back of my closet door. My eyes were puffy and swollen, my face pale in comparison. There has been so much sadness lately. So much loss, it suddenly made me question why I was so stupid to waste the precious time I’d been gifted. If anything, the last few months have taught me that we are all only given so much time on this earth. We should be embracing it and making the absolute most of it not wasting it. *** The service was beautiful, heart wrenching, but beautiful. Brayden spoke of the years he’d spent in the care of Khloe. He told everyone how she’d given up her own dreams to ensure he was cared for. She let go of the desire she had to travel the world, and gave him a stable home instead. One filled with love and the kind of closeness most kids dream of having. Khloe was not only his sister, but

his best friend. The small room was filled with sniffles and cries as we shared his sadness. “I’ll never forget you,” Brayden spoke to his sister as if she was there in the room with us. “I’ll never go to bed at night without telling you about my day, because you always told me no matter what, you’d always be with me. I believe that.” I felt so raw as I tried to swallow past the aching burn in my throat. “I think that’s true even though I can’t see you, because I can still feel you. Like you’re here with me watching over me and ensuring me all be okay.” Chills broke out over my skin as he continued. “In a way, you are still watching out for me. You brought Ben into our lives and you may not be here physically to see me, I feel as if you’re able to guide me toward the light. Ben is that light.” I look over toward Ben and that rawness I felt inside intensified by a magnitude that was crippling. Ben placed his head in his hands and he leaned forward, his shoulders shaking. I wanted to go to him, but I held back. I was always holding back. “Go to him,” Elle whispers making me jump in reaction. “He needs you, he may not be asking you for comfort, but he loves you Liz. He needs you.” I wanted to argue, I wanted to go on believing where I was was for the best, only I couldn’t. Because though I wasn’t truly convinced yet that her words were true, I knew one thing. I needed Ben. I got up and moved in his direction kneeling down in front of him. He didn’t look up, as I slid my hands over his thighs. He didn’t look up when I nudged my body between his knees and allowed my hands to wrap around his waist. Instead he buried his face in my neck and and held onto me so tight I thought I’d break. Nothing had ever felt so comforting. Nothing had ever given me such a strong sense of belonging. “I love you,” I whispered. “You are so strong and so brave. You’re the best man I know.” I meant every word. He was unable to speak but I knew my words had registered when his arms held me just a little tighter and he pressed his lips to my neck in a soft kiss. I’d be his glue, I’d be his rock. I’d be his everything, as long as in return he too was mine.



Chapter Twenty Six

BEN

With each day that passed the ache inside me grew a little less prominent. Smiling and laughing got a little easier without feeling the guilt that crippled me in the days that followed Khloe and even Luke’s death. Though I knew I’d never forget Khloe just as I would never forget Luke, it was now easier to breathe. So many nights since her death, I’ve lay awake remembering our first interaction. Khloe was fearless, confident and the best part of that shitty night. Khloe made me laugh at times I’d felt there was nothing to laugh about. She quickly became one of the best parts about choosing to start over in a whole new place. She was my confidant and the one person that never sugarcoated shit. She told me the things I didn’t want to hear but needed to know. Her honesty was at times baffling, but inspiring. A true gem, one that left an emptiness in the world now that she was gone from it. Her absence would forever be felt, in not only my heart but those that knew her. Each day I’ve watched Brayden miss his sister, and it nearly guts me to see the sorrow in his eyes. He is such a good kid, with a heart the mirrors Khloe’s. Nothing is gonna to stop me from ensuring that the future his sister wished for him, does come true. I’d fight whoever I had to in order to keep him here with me. There was no way I’d allow him to be thrust into a system that fails so many. Granted there are those out there that find the families they deserve and the love of a mother and a father, but I wasn’t willing to take that chance with Brayden. I never pictured myself raising a preteen, but this was the exception. Though I do hope for my own sanity that Brayden doesn’t turn out like Bradley and Bennett, my brothers. My mother’s right, the two of them are menaces. They’ve tested my parents over the years on so many levels. I’d definitely need to consult with them, on things to avoid. If I’m being honest I do fear leading him in the wrong direction. I had no idea what I was facing. Wishing to be a parent one day, having dreams of being a father was so much different then stepping into the life of a young man and knowing what to do.

I look up from the television when I hear a noise in the kitchen. Elizabeth lowered a dish onto the counter, sitting it upon potholders she already had laying out. The aroma of something garlic filled the air and it made my stomach growl. When she looks up from her current task and she’s me watching her, she smiles. In that moment it’s like something inside me clicks. This is the girl I want beside me when I tackle every obstacle I may ever face. When I can’t for the life of me decide which road to take I want Liz to be the one to help direct me. When I was lost on how to handle any challenge thrown at me I wanted Liz to be the one I could turn to. I wanted her understanding and direction, I wanted Liz, even with all her sassiness and need to keep me in my place. I would accept all she had to throw my way, without question. Brayden was asleep in the recliner lightly snoring. He looked so at peace. Standing up, I moved toward the kitchen and Liz watched me curiously. A sweet smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as I stepped around her and caged her to the counter before us. Leaning my body in closer to hers, I rested my chin onto her shoulder and turned my nose toward her. “I love you,” I whisper before breathing her in. Her sweet floral scent mixed with the excess aroma of the meal she’d been cooking for us. “I don’t know how I would have made it through the last few months without you.” “You are stronger than you give yourself credit for,” she insisted as she continued to work away at the meal before her. She was doing it again, trying to act as if the support she’s offered me was nothing more than what any stranger would offer. “Why do you do that?” She looks back at me causing me to lift my head from her shoulder. “Do what?” “Act like the support you offer me is nothing. Pretend that what we’ve got here isn’t something amazing?” “It is amazing,” she says turning in my arms to face me. “I just know that even if we hadn’t met and you had to face all the things you have over again, you could. You’re so strong and it may seem weird but knowing how even faced with most horrible of things you still exude such strength, it gives me such a sense of security. It’s not me that makes you strong Ben, you are just that kind of man. I adore you Ben, and though I’ve always done my best to avoid this kind of connection with any man, with you it can’t be controlled. I love you so deeply that the thought of not having you in my life is terrifying.” “You have me,” I assured her, “you always will.” Leaning my forehead to hers and closed my eyes and just held her. Feeling her body pressed to mine was exactly the security I needed in that moment.

*** “I’m nervous,” I look over and see Liz twisting her hands in her lap. “I’m excited don’t get me wrong, but I am so damn nervous.” Brayden who sat in the back seat of our rental car chuckles as he leans forward and peers around at Elizabeth. His laughter was like the best boost of confidence I could ask for. It made me feel like I was doing something right with him. “I get it, I do, but why?” He asks Liz. “I haven’t know you that long, but I’ve known you long enough to know that not many people don’t like you. You pretend to be all cold and callus as if you don’t need anyway but yourself.” I sat watching the interaction between the two of them almost in awe. “But I’ve seen your kind side. I think all of us in this car know that you aren’t cold you’re just guarded.” Liz looked at him, her mouth opening and then closing again, only she spoke no actual words. “Just be yourself, it’s what I plan to do,” he offered her a shrug. “Ben’s parents raised him and he’s great, so they gotta be okay.” “Who are you?” She finally asked as she still sat turned sideways in the chair staring at him. A silence settled over the car as Brayden smiled wide and leaned back against the seat. “Khloe’s always taught me to never to show fear, to face things head on with confidence and grace. It’s time to put that advice to good use.” “I’d say that is some great advice,” I offer with a nod to Brayden. “I know my family is gonna love the both of you as much as I do.” With a nod, Liz smiled before reaching for the door handle and opening the car door. Once she was outside the car I smiled back at Brayden. “Good speech kid,” I say to him before the both of us follow suit. The moment the three of us stepped up onto the front stoop and I rang the doorbell the door flew open and a tiny little raven haired beauty practically dove into my arms. “It has been entirely too long,” my mother squealed as she squeezed my neck with her arms. “I’ve missed my boy.” “I’ve missed you too ma,” I tell her as I hug her close. We remained like that for a few moments before I slowly lower her back to the porch and unwrap my arms from her petite body. Looking back over my shoulder I smile at both Brayden and Liz as I introduced my new family to the woman that raised me. “Meet Elizabeth and Brayden,” I say, “my little family.”



Chapter Twenty Seven

LIZ



His family.

My heart raced the moment the words left his mouth. I was at a loss of words, but inside my mind was screaming. The idea of having a man look at me as Ben does, as if I was his everything and then having it torn away terrified me. But here I was loving the idea of Ben and I building a life together. Being someone’s everything was the best feeling I’ve ever felt. I was pulled out of my deep thoughts by Ben’s mother as she stepped forward and didn’t even hesitate pulling me into her arms. “I’ve heard so much about you,” she says. “Mostly from my husband who in turn heard them from Ben.” She lets me go as she shoots a glare at her son. “But regardless of my son refusing to let his mother in on his new found love, I couldn’t stop myself from eavesdropping. It amazing what you hear from two men when they have no idea that you are listening on the phone in the next room.” “Seriously?” Ben asks and both I and his mom laugh. “What’s so funny out here?” I look up to see a man step outside that was like looking into the future twenty years and seeing the future Ben. Only with a few more wrinkles, at a slightly grayed touch throughout his hair. The man was so handsome, and when he smiled, again I seen Ben. “Ma, is just spilling the info that she’d been listening to our phone conversation through the phone in the next room.” Ben tells his father but it didn’t seem as if it was a surprise to him. “What you knew?” “At first no,” his father told him, “but eventually yeah. She stopped asking me about the girl you were dating and about how serious it was getting. I knew then it only meant she had figured it out and her eavesdropping was the only way.” They hassle Ben’s mom for a few minutes and I just stand back and watch the interaction. It was an entirely different scenario seeing him with his family. Then Ben’s father looks up and offers me a smile. “Speaking of the girl,” his father’s says offering me a wink and making my cheeks instantly heat. Ben noticed and hooked me around the waist pulling my body in front of his, not once releasing his hold on me. “This is Liz,” he said nuzzling my neck, “the girl who has stole my heart.”

Again my heart flutters and almost as if I had no control over my own actions my eyes close for a moment and my heart begins to beat more rapidly in my chest. “Well, its nice to finally meet you Elizabeth, I’m Benjamin senior,” his father holds out his hand and I place mine in his. “I’ve heard so much about you, I feel like I already know you.” The man had kind eyes, those same kind eyes his son bared each time he looked at me. The kind of eyes that no matter how hard you tried to resist it and fight it, they told you everything was going to be okay. “It’s nice to finally meet you too,” I say fighting past the emotional lump in my throat. “To finally meet you all.” “There’s more of us,” his mother says, “we’ve just held off Bentley and Bradley until later. The last thing we wanted to happen was allow them to run you off before we could prove we all aren’t as insane as they are.” “It’s true,” his father says with a laugh. “You know how most say that with each child a parent gets a little better at being a parent?’ I nod. “Not us,” he chuckles. “I think we gave all the good to Ben and somehow we warped the other two.” My eyes widened in surprise which only made them both laugh harder. “Don’t say we didn’t warn you,” Ben said as he nudged me forward and we step inside the house. Big Ben had his arm around Brayden’s shoulder as he walked ahead. You’d never be able to guess that Brayden hadn’t always been a part of the Keaton family. They were so welcoming and kind, and suddenly the nervous feelings I’d felt no longer made sense. How could anyone ever fear a family like this one? *** “The better brother has arrived,” a loud booming voice echoes through the house. “The best brother is here too,” another voice rang out followed by the two bickering back and forth as they grew closer. “Remember earlier when my parents mentioned the crazies,” Ben says just before two guys step into the living room. “Meet the crazies.” The second the two noticed their bigger brother sitting on the couch their faces lit up. “Move,” Ben says in warning and nudges me out of the way just before both guys dove in our direction tackling Ben. I watch as the two small men rough Ben’s hair and bear hug him. Laughter and a few choice harmless words were exchanged. Again is was great to see him interact with his brothers. Brayden laughed gaining the attention of the two guys and suddenly the roughness faded as they relaxed next to Ben and looked between me and

Brayden. “Damn dude,” the one with the darker hair says followed by a loud whistle. “Don’t do it,” Ben says in warning. “Don’t do what?” He asked with a smirk, “get up and show your pretty lady that I have much more to offer her than you do.” “Bentley,” Ben says, “I said don’t do it.” “You telling me not to, only makes me wanna do it more.” Ben lunges hooking the darker haired one around the neck, pulling him in closer in a headlock. It made me laugh. The other brother the one with blondish read hair stood and moved around the coffee table holding out his hand to me. “I’m Bradley,” he says with a smile. “As you can see the two of them are slightly immature.” I didn’t miss the smirk on his lips and the sinful look in his eyes as he roams over my body from head to toe. “I’m definitely more of experienced, more capable of handling your needs as well as my own,” he wags his brows and I freeze. “Are you for real?” I ask unable to stop myself. “I’m definitely real sweetheart, wanna feel?” I laugh, not a light cheerful chuckle but a full out ribs aching by theme I’m finished laugh. This guy was a trip. A trip down, Whacked Out Lane, and I think he honestly felt this shit he was spewing was going to be beneficial in his attempt to woo me. I lean in closer and his face lights up almost like he’d won something. “I can assure you that even if I wasn’t already with the most amazing men, nothing you have would interest me. Nothing you have to offer would appeal to me. In fact little one I would chew you up and spit you out, only to leave rocking back and forth like a terrified child in the corner.” A deep chuckle, one I recognized well, filled the air around me. “Don’t mess with my kitty Brad, she ain’t playing,” Ben assures him. “I can guarantee she doesn’t fall for any cheesy line, or pretty boy offering her a good time. She is much more demanding and it takes the right kinda man to give her just what she needs.” “I can give her,” Brad started to reply only I stopped him before he could finish. “Let me just stop ya right there,” I say and he then looks back toward me once again. “You most definitely do not have anything I want or need.” I was thankful Ben’s parents had taken a drive to the store. I surely didn’t want them here to witness this. The last thing I wanted was for them to think I

was a snotty bitch. The brother that remained on the couch near Ben made a screeching cat sound and Bradley nodded his head as he looked back over his shoulder. “She is a kitty already,” he says with a smile, “I bet she claws deep too.” I’d been warned about these two, not only earlier today but for the entire trip here. They were a riot, cocky arrogant little pricks who thought they were what every woman wanted, but above all a riot. “You’re right boys, she does scratch deep,” Ben says and our eyes connect. “She leaves marks on a man that neither of you are capable of handling.” I was fully aware the he wasn’t talking about actual marks that anyone that looked could see. He was talking about what he felt inside. I knew because I felt those same things. Those deep penetrating indentations that the love of another made inside your heart and soul. Ben loved me. He loved me so deep that I felt like I was a part of him and in turn he was a part of me. Allowing him in, accepting his love it made me feel like I was on top of the world. “You’re right bro,” Bentley said, “she is one hell of a girl. You better consider yourself lucky.” I smile because by him saying that it meant that Ben had talked about me to them at some point in time too. “I know how lucky I am.” Ben winks and my smile grows wider. “Did you all forget I was here?” It was then I turn to find Brayden sitting in the recliner watching us all as if we’d lost our minds. “Because I’m not sure I should have witness that exchange. But since I have let me just add that there is no way the two of you could handle her.” Ben and I exchange a look. “She’d leave the two of you crying for you momma for sure.” It was funny to see Bentley and Bradley looking at Brayden, unable to say anything in return. Apparently the little man in training could throw down on his own. He didn’t back down and it was inspiring. I loved it, completely adored it. “This little man,” Bentley said with laughter in his words. “He is gonna it right in with the Keaton men. “ Brayden nodded his head all cocky boy like and lounged back in the recliner with a smirk on his face. He lifted the controller, flipping the channels looking very pleased with himself. A look of pure pride covered Ben’s face and I couldn’t

stop myself from feeling that pride too. We were gonna be all right, all of us. Together, we were gonna be amazing.



Chapter Twenty Eight

BEN

I attempt to stretch, only with the warm, long sexy legs intertwined with my own, not to mention the arms wrapped around my upper body I can’t move much. I’m not complaining, not one bit. I loved the morning I woke up to my little spider monkey restricting me from any real movement. I couldn’t ask for any better feeling. Though she may still try to protect herself when conscious, in her dreams she was drawn to me. She needed me almost as mush as I needed her. Liz was my world. I press my lips to her forehead forming my need to stretch and curling my body closer to hers instead. A soft moan escaped her lips and I can’t help from smiling. “Good morning,” she softly whispers before kissing my chest softly. That simple gesture alone make a jolt of excitement rush through me and I try to fight the reaction my cock has to it. “A very good morning,” she says, rubbing her thigh over my growing erection, letting me know she is fully away of where my mind had gone. “Is there something I can offer you that may help your current situation?” She asked as she kisses along my collarbone and up the side of my night. My girl was an evil little temptress. “I would never deny my sexy woman anything.” “That is what I like to hear,” she cooed as she moved her body over mine, straddling my hips. “Because you know I love getting what I want when I want it.” Elizabeth was still naked from the night before when I crawled into bed and made love to her after a day spent with my family. A day where what I had already known became more clear. I was so madly in love with this woman that there was absolutely no hope of ever walking away without finding myself broken and destroyed. I lay perfectly still as I watch her move her hips, gliding her slickness over my erection. The way she bit her lower lip as she focused on the very spot that gave her pleasure. “Does that feel good?” I ask her still keeping my hands resting on her hips, which grew harder to maintain with each shift of her hips. “Yes,” she whimpered. “I know what would feel even better.” I knew just what she was talking about and I had to agree, but she was the one

in the drivers seat. “Take what you want baby,” I say and her eyes haze over with a lustful stare as she fists me in her hand. I watch with great concentration as she lifts her body up and moves forward just enough to position my cock at her opening. Before I could moan from the contact or encourage her to continue she lowered her slickness over me and took me fully inside of her. Together we moan in unison before our stares look toward the door of the room we shared. Remembering suddenly that the house we were in was shared withy parents and with Brayden. To say our sex life had been affected by my current living situation was putting it lightly. I was still on the waiting list for a two bedroom and until then, I’d been sleeping on my couch. I didn’t feel right about making Brayden take it even though he insisted. All his things had been placed into storage until we were able to get the larger apartment. This all meant that my time with Liz had been limited. I need this time with her. From the way she was now moving her hips against me, taking in each stroke as if nothing had ever felt so good told me she too needed this time together. “I’ve missed this,” she finally speaks only this time is a hushed tone. “God, I have missed us together. It not all about this,” she leaned over bringing her mouth closer to mine still moving her body against mine. “But this part of us is pretty amazing.” Sliding my hands over her hips, around other lower back and using them to keep her moving against me I pressed my lips to hers. “It’s really amazing,” I correct her. “Nothing has ever felt better than having your love, both physically and emotionally. You are it for me Liz.” I tell her and I can feel her growing slicker with my words. “I love you so much pretty girl,” I add. “I want this every morning and every night. I need you baby, always.” She tightens around me, just before she lets out a soft low moan triggering me to lift my own hips against her, dragging out her pleasure. “So good,” she whimpers, “so so good.” “So very good,” I add as I join her, my toes curling as I grip her hips tight holding her body to mine.



Chapter Twenty Eight

BEN

I attempt to stretch, only with the warm, long sexy legs intertwined with my own, not to mention the arms wrapped around my upper body I can’t move much. I’m not complaining, not one bit. I loved the morning I woke up to my little spider monkey restricting me from any real movement. I couldn’t ask for any better feeling. Though she may still try to protect herself when conscious, in her dreams she was drawn to me. She needed me almost as much as I needed her. Liz was my world. I press my lips to her forehead forming my need to stretch and curling my body closer to hers instead. A soft moan escaped her lips and I can’t help from smiling. “Good morning,” she softly whispers before kissing my chest softly. That simple gesture alone make a jolt of excitement rush through me and I try to fight the reaction my cock has to it. “A very good morning,” she says, rubbing her thigh over my growing erection, letting me know she is fully away of where my mind had gone. “Is there something I can offer you that may help your current situation?” She asked as she kisses along my collarbone and up the side of my night. My girl was an evil little temptress. “I would never deny my sexy woman anything.” “That is what I like to hear,” she cooed as she moved her body over mine, straddling my hips. “Because you know I love getting what I want when I want it.” Elizabeth was still naked from the night before when I crawled into bed and made love to her after a day spent with my family. A day where what I had already known became more clear. I was so madly in love with this woman that there was absolutely no hope of ever walking away without finding myself broken and destroyed. I lay perfectly still as I watch her move her hips, gliding her slickness over my erection. The way she bit her lower lip as she focused on the very spot that gave her pleasure. “Does that feel good?” I ask her still keeping my hands resting on her hips, which grew harder to maintain with each shift of her hips. “Yes,” she whimpered. “I know what would feel even better.”

I knew just what she was talking about and I had to agree, but she was the one in the driver’s seat. “Take what you want baby,” I say and her eyes haze over with a lustful stare as she fists me in her hand. I watch with great concentration as she lifts her body up and moves forward just enough to position my cock at her opening. Before I could moan from the contact or encourage her to continue she lowered her slickness over me and took me fully inside of her. Together we moan in unison before our gazes wander toward the door of the room we shared. Remembering suddenly that the house we were in was shared with my parents and with Brayden. To say our sex life had been affected by my current living situation was putting it lightly. I was still on the waiting list for a two bedroom and until then, I’d been sleeping on my couch. I didn’t feel right about making Brayden take it even though he insisted. All his things had been placed into storage until we were able to get the larger apartment. This all meant that my time with Liz had been limited. I need this time with her. From the way she was now moving her hips against me, taking in each stroke as if nothing had ever felt so good told me she too needed this time together. “I’ve missed this,” she finally speaks only this time is a hushed tone. “God, I have missed us together. It not all about this,” she leaned over bringing her mouth closer to mine still moving her body against mine. “But this part of us is pretty amazing.” Sliding my hands over her hips, around other lower back and using them to keep her moving against me I pressed my lips to hers. “It’s really amazing,” I correct her. “Nothing has ever felt better than having your love, both physically and emotionally. You are it for me Liz.” I tell her and I can feel her growing slicker with my words. “I love you so much pretty girl,” I add. “I want this every morning and every night. I need you baby, always.” She tightens around me, just before she lets out a soft low moan triggering me to lift my own hips against her, dragging out her pleasure. “So good,” she whimpers, “so so good.” “So very good,” I add as I join her, my toes curling as I grip her hips tight holding her body to mine. *** “I’m glad to see you two finally join the living,” I can see the redness rise in Liz’s cheeks almost instantly to my mother’s words. “From the smiles you both are wearing I’d say that new Serta mattress I had ordered for the guest bed was a good choice.”

“Yes,” Liz says in a rush, sounding as if her throat was hoarse, “like sleeping on a fluffy cloud.” I couldn’t help but chuckle at the nervousness in her voice. Brayden gives her a look like she’d lost her mind and my father cocks an eyebrow in question. All this only make Liz look even more embarrassed as she looked around the room as if contemplating her easiest escape. “A cloud,” my mother says, “see hun I told you that was how the salesperson referred to it.” “You should have let him talk you into stringing for a new box spring, because those things squeak like a bitch,” my dad added with a wink and Liz began choking so hard I started tapping her on the back. Of course I did this while I continued to laugh at my father’s hidden innuendo. The knowledge that my father knew just how Liz and I had spent our morning and possibly our evening kept Liz hiding her face, or refusing to look in his direction for too long. He was young once he knew how it was, granted I didn’t to think of him and my mother doing any of those types of things I knew they were anything but innocent. Bentley and Bradley had again joined us for dinner and though they didn’t give Liz any more hassle about being able to offer her more than I could, they found other ways to be the crazies they had been classified as. When they joined Brayden while playing video games in the family room I escaped with Liz for a bit to show her a little bit of life outside the small town hidden in Alabama. As I drove through the city of Boston I loved watching the look on her face. How she took in the building and places around her, her eyes wide with excitement was mesmerizing. I had always loved Boston, the games at Fenway Park with my father and brothers. The excitement of the Red Sox, playing any team it didn’t matter really because they were gods in the eyes of a young boy. The magic of a game playing out so close you could almost touch the players. It was so easy to get lost in the city. As we drive further a familiar sign is glowing through the darkened sky. Another favorite of mine, a place I visited often with my motherland grandmother. “You in the mood for something sweet?” I asked Elizabeth as I got over into the left lane. “You offering up a little backseat action?” She asked with a laugh as I turn on the signal and merge over into the turn lane. “Maybe on the way back to my parents that can be arranged,” I say with a wink. “But for now I was thinking I show you one of my favorites from the place I grew up.” I pulled in to the nearest empty space and place the car in park. When I look over at Elizabeth she is eyeing the sign lit up on the front of the building. “What is a cannoli?”

I couldn’t keep from laughing. “What I’m a southern girl, pies and bread pudding,” she wasn’t offending by me being humored based on her lack of Boston knowledge. “A cannoli is something you’ll love.” I assure her as I get out of the car we rented and began walking toward the bakery. “It’s heaven in your mouth and Mike’s is the place to get’em.” She didn’t argue just hurried to catch up just as I open the door and step aside allowing her to enter. The fresh aroma of baked goodness hitting me strong and the ease of home engulfing me. I loved Arab, I truly did.I loved the southern charm and hospitality of those I’ve grown to know, but it’s things such as this that make me miss Boston. Liz’s eyes lit up as she looked at the big displays around the bakery. Each one filled with the best kinds of deserts. “Why did you bring me here?” She asks without looking away from the glass enclosure. “I can already feel my ass growing wider and I haven’t even taken a bite yet.” Of course I took the opportunity to step up behind her and place my palms abasing her ass, shielding them with my body. With a gentle squeeze she laughed. “I can assure you babe this ass is amazing, and a few cannoli’s won’t change that. She tried to swat my hands away but I just squeezed tighter. “Ben,” she said in warning. “What can I get for the two of you?” I look up at the sound of another female voice and for a brief moment I have a flashback from my past. A sweet girl with freckles across her nose and the greenest eyes I’d ever seen staring back at me. “Ben,” this time is wasn’t Liz who said my name. “Hi Holly,” I say in return. I’d thought seeing my ex would be hard. I thought facing the girl that had broken my heart all those years ago would bring back all those sad feeling of my past, but I was wrong. “How’ve you been?” I honestly didn’t care, but I was attempting to be polite. “Good,” she says smoothly her hand over her hair. Hair that had once been a gorgeous shade of brown was now one of the darkest shades of black. The color only made her always pale skin seem paler. “It’s been a long time,” she adds and it’s then I notice the way she is looking toward Liz. “Yeah,” I say pulling Liz in closer. “Holly this is my girl Elizabeth.” Liz was l looking over at me with questions in her eyes but instead of asking them she simply looks over at Holly with a smile. “Nice to meet you Holly.” “You too.” The two of them eyeing one another up and I wanted Liz to know there was no competition. Not even a small one. Liz had bar far outdone Holly. There was

no comparison. “Married?” Holly asks as she watched Liz and I. But before Liz can say a word I blindside her with my own. “Not yet, but I wouldn’t rule it out. This woman right here is my world. One of a kind, and the one that holds my heart.” That hardness in Liz’s eyes from only moments ago softens and she smiles up at me. “Ben’s decided I need to try one of Mike’s famous cannoli’s,” She says as she looks back toward Holly. “So here we are.” The way Holly continued to watch me during the time she boxed up those we both chose did not escape me. But I had no interest in her old ways. It didn’t matter that we had a past, it was dead and gone. The only interest I had was with Liz. I meant it when I said she held my heart. Maybe my soul too.



Chapter Twenty Nine

LIZ

“Oh my god,” I moan as I chew the yummy goodness, perfect mixture of chocolate and caramel. “You were so right, these are heaven.” It no longer mattered that I’d have to walk a few extra miles or moved over to my sweats for the trip back home. I was. In love with cannoli’s. “I told you,” Ben said with a mouth full of his own delicious dessert. “They are so damn good. It’s been so long since I had these.” We both continue to devour our on boxes of goodness, as words escaped us. Yet the questions still remained in my mind torturing me. I think I already knew the answers to all the questions that wouldn’t fade but I knew until I heard them from Ben they would continue to linger. “So Holly?” I say as I ship my finger through the whipped cream on the wrapper inside my box. Slowly lifting it to my lips and swipe it away with my tongue. “Was that the Holly?” “If you mean my ex, then yes, that was her.” I waited for him to elaborate a little, only he didn’t. “Did you know she worked there? Is that why we went?” When Ben didn’t answer me I turned to look at him. I found him staring back at me with his brows wrinkled up in confusion. “You think I would have purposely taken you there if I’d know she was there?” “I just didn’t know if you knew going in that we may possibly see her.” “No Liz,” ben says as he closes the lid to his container and reaches around to place the remaining desserts in the back seat. “I didn’t know she’d be there. I don’t have this hidden desire to see my ex. I don’t have these lingering feelings for her that are going to somehow erase the things I feel for you.” Ben’s voice was not loud and irritable, but it had risen a bit. “What Holly and I had, it is long gone. There is not even a small spark between us. To be honest I don’t know if there ever was. But what I do know is that what I feel for you is stronger than anything I have ever felt before in my life.” “Okay,” I say hoping he realizes that I never meant to upset him or bring up things of his past. I guess I just had to hear from him that whatever he once may of felt for Holly wasn’t something he felt anymore.

Jealousy was a evil monster. It made girls feel and do some of the most crazy things. Now that that was out of the way, I felt even more confident about what Ben and I had built. “I love you,”I tell him and his features soften. “For a moment I felt a little territorial over you and I apologize.” “No need to apologize,” he assures me as he reaches out to take my hand in his. “She and had a relationship along time ago, one that wasn’t strong enough to withstand temptation on her part. The things I felt for her before are things I no longer feel and haven’t in a very, very long time. I love you Liz, that’s real.” It felt amazing to hear his confession. I lifted the last piece of my cannoli to my lips, already salivating over the yummy goodness I knew was coming when Ben swoops in, steals the pastry and tucks it between his own lips. As if that action wasn’t already bad enough, he adds an overly exaggerated moan, indicating what I knew without his desperate attempt to rub it in. “Jerk,” I say my mouth hanging open in both shock and awe. “That was pure evil.” “What’s wrong babe,” he says with a mouth full, “you have a taste for cannoli now?” I narrow my eyes at him and he chuckles. “It’s my way of guaranteeing you come back to Boston with me each time I come home to visit.” I’m not gonna lie I felt that crazy little flutter inside hearing him say he wanted me to visit again. I’d never been that girl before but I’ll admit I was now, well when it came to Ben anyway. I love hearing him admit you needed me and wanted me. *** “I think I just might miss your crazy family,” I say with a laugh as the plane touches down at Huntsville International. I spent the entire flight with a smile on my face from the memories of our trip. It was everything, from the first hug Rhonda gave me to the goodbye both she and Ben Sr. offered. Hearing his father whisper to me that I was perfect for his son brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to say, your son is perfect for me, but I was to choked up to speak. If I’m being honest, I didn’t want to leave. I missed my family and friends, but our time in Boston was exactly that, our time. We grew closer over our week away, not only as a couple, but as friends. Brayden and I had grown closer too. But coming back to our reality was hard. It meant work, and the lack of privacy we once faced had returned. I wanted to escaped with him again and forget about every other responsibility we had waiting for us.

“You’re gonna miss the constant hassle of my idiot brothers?” I shrugged, “They’re not so back after they get offer the initial introduction.” “You mean after you verbally kicked them both in the junk?” Ben said with a chuckle as if remembering that exact moment. “I’ve never seen either of them speechless. They always have so much more to say then any of us ever want to hear and in a matter of minutes you had both of them going mute.” “What can I say, beside I got skills?” I say just before he tickles my side making me squeal in reaction before I have a moment to stop myself. Brayden looked over at us smiling and that alone made my chest tighten. I absolutely love seeing him happy. Ben did that, he’d made us both happy and I knew that he’d continue to make us happy fro as many days as we both allowed him too. Ben leaned in placing a kiss to the space on my neck just below my ear. “Stay with us tonight,” he whispered. “Ben,” I say because I can tell by the look in his eyes exactly what he had on his mind. “I think we can be careful and very quiet,” he assures me causing me to smile. “Even if I just hold you all night, I just want you with me. I’ve had you next to me every single night for the last week and damn it, I don’t want that to end. I never want it to end.” My throat felt raw as I tried to swallow passed my pent up emotions caused but his declaration. “When I get the two bedroom apartment, I want you to move in with us,” he confessed and those tears I tried to fight moments ago clouded my vision. “I wanna come home to you, curl up next to you while we watch a movie, before leading you off to bed and spending the rest of the evening sharing myself with you.” I couldn’t speak, or maybe I should say I was fearful of attempting, so instead I just nodded my head in response. For the first time in my life, I made a huge decision without one ounce of second thought. It was so easy, easier than any other choice I had ever made. I wanted Ben, not just for now, or for tomorrow, but forever. He is my forever.



Chapter Thirty

BEN

“Where is my suitcase,” Liz hollered from the bedroom, only I chose to ignore her. “Ben? Where is my red suitcase?” Brayden laughed from the other end of the couch. “She’s gonna kick your ass.” “Hey,” I say in warning no longer feeling weird about disciplining him. At first it was hard to accept that I was responsible for a younger human being. It was up to me to keep him safe and keep him in line. Now over a month later it was like second nature. “What?” “You know what,” I reply. “Fine, she is gonna kick your butt,” he corrects. “Boys have you seen my red suitcase?” Liz asks once again as she comes out of the bedroom looking around the new two bedroom apartment we’ve been living in for over a week. “Because I thought I put it in the bedroom but,” she pausing when she sees the both of us staring at her from the couch. “What?” She asks wrinkling up her brow. “Your suitcase is now in storage,” I tell her as I watch her eyes narrow, “and everything that was inside of it, is now where it belongs.” I say no more only watch as it dawns on her what I mean. She spins around on her heels and rushes off toward our bedroom. I heard the sound of the bifold doors on our closet come open and then silence settles over the apartment, nothing can be heard but the television before us. After a few more seconds I stand from the couch and begin to move toward our bedroom. “You wearing a cup?” Brayden asks from behind and I just shake my head as I continue to move forward. As I entered the bedroom I found Liz standing in front of the closet, staring at the clothes that now hung inside. I slowly stepped up behind her and placed my hands on her hips. “You hung my clothes up?” “It was time,” I tell her and she still doesn’t look my way. “You’ve been stalling.” “No.”

“Yes,” I correct her. “You’ve been here for a week, yet you’ve been living out of a suitcase like a gypsy.” It was then that she looked back at me. “I was getting around to it,” she assures me with some Liz sass. “I’ve just been busy.” “Which is why I decided to help.” She hadn’t been busy, in fact she had more time now that she hired a secretary at the center. It was better for her, and for us. It gave us longer mornings and earlier nights, together. “I just wanted to be sure,” she finally admits what I already know. I turn her around to face me, forcing you to look at me. When her eyes meet mine I lean in and press a soft kiss to her lips. “I have never in my life been more sure of any decision I’ve made. Baby I adore you, and that is not gonna change. This is now your home too, and you need to accept that even if you decided to leave, I wouldn’t let you. You’re mine now.” “Oh,” she said a smirk tugging at her lips, “is that right?” Hooking her waist tighter, I pull her body to mine and her hands come up to link behind my head. My eyes close on their own accord, just the feel of her fingers in my hair makes me feel like I’m floating. “That’s right,” I whisper slowly opening my eyes to meet her gaze once more. “You are mine.” “I am yours,” she admits just before rising on to her toes and pressing her lips to mine. “”And you always will be.” *** “What the hell are you doing here man?” I ask as I reach out and offer Wade a manly hug, slapping him on the back. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, I guess I just didn’t expect to see you here in Arab.” “Thought I’d surprise Elle,” he says as he steps back and tucks his hands in his front pockets. “Elle,” I repeat as I arch a brow, “Liz did mention the two of you were talking. What’s going on with that?” “Just friends,” He assures me holding up his hands. “We kinda clicked while you all where in Florida and I think we both just needed someone to lean on during that time. We’d share stories of Luke, laugh at his craziness, we bonded. She’s a sweet girl.” “She is sweet,” I say. Still not so sure I buy the friends explanation entirely but Elle was a big girl. I also knew if he hurt Elle in any way, Liz would lay into him before he had a chance to prepare for the war.

When wade looked back over his shoulder and eyed Elle as she moved throughout the bar, serving drinks and laughing with the customers, I noticed the territorial look in his eyes. “Friends, my ass,” I say regaining his attention. “What?” “I’ve seen that look before,” I tell him, “in fact, I’ve had that look.” “No idea what you’re talking about.” The smirk on Wade’s face couldn’t have screamed I’m full of shit any louder than it already was. “Okay fine, I like her,” he admits with a chuckle. “But that’s all it is, she needs time, and I’m willing to give her all the time she needs. She’s special.” I nod, because I knew just how special the Berfield girls are. They managed to knock anyway the cross paths with flat on their asses without a seconds warning. “Just be careful with her,” I say. “You got nothing to worry about when it comes to Elle,” Wade assures me. “Like I said she’s not ready for anything more than friendship and if that’s all she’s willing to give, then I’m taking it.” My heart still aches everyday for Elle, for what she lost when Luke left us all. They were never intimate, but there was love shared between the two of them. Loves strong it could have withstood anything. They became the best of friends, a binding connection that was formed in a short period of time, like they were meant to be. It was at times as if they shared each other’s thoughts. Elle had an amazing heart, and when she lost Luke it shattered. We could all see it in her every move. She moved throughout her days, as she normally did, but anyone who knew her, understood there was a normal light in her eyes that was missing.A sadness in the way she carried herself. It was heartbreaking. “Do you know that for the longest time, I thought there was nothing more I wanted out of life then to be a marine.” Wade says regaining my attention. “Travel the world, see places I’ve never seen. It was month after month, year after year of giving my everything to my brothers and our country, that’s always been enough. Or so I thought, until Luke ya now.” We paused and I knew at that moment we were both thinking of the friend we’d lost. “Life’s so short,” Wade says, his eyes once again following Elle throughout the room. “You blink and you’ve lost years. It would be worth so much more if you had the special one to share it with.” Just then a blur of blond bursts through the door, shaking off the rain that was falling outside. “It is,” I assure his just as Liz looks up and meets my gaze. A smile stretching out over her sweet lips and that smile alone makes my knees so fucking weak I

swear a sway on my feet. “It so much better with someone by your side.



Chapter Thirty One

LIZ

I entered the apartment and found it dark. Not even the light above the stove was lit as it was on most evenings. It was almost eery at how empty it felt without the boys awake. Usually I found myself arriving home to a full out game console war between Ben, Brayden and sometimes Ryker. They were loud, obnoxious and I loved it. But tonight it was silent, I didn’t like the quiet. I loved the crazy, and had grown to rely on it. Somehow I allowed Elle and Nicole to talk me into a girls night. It was needed I know and I’m glad I finally gave in to their persistence. We enjoyed a nice dinner followed by a movie, and finished off with a few drinks at Lucy’s. Well, Elle and I drank, the human milk machine was our designated driver. I hadn’t planned to be home early not rolling in at close to midnight but it had been months since the three of us had some alone time together. To be honest I’d missed my girls too. We needed this time to catch up. Elle was still pretty closed off when it came to anything involving Wade. They were just friends she insisted and nothing more. I didn’t fight her on it, I just took her word for it. The things was regardless of what it truly was between the two of them, he seemed to make her smile. So he couldn’t be that bad I just found myself still in desperate need to protect her from any possible heartache. I needed to understand she was a grown woman and was fully capable of protecting her own heart. I just never wanted to see the same sadness I seen after she lost Luke. A small flicker of light came from the bedroom door that was only slightly ajar. I smiled thinking that maybe Ben had waited up for me as I moved down the hall toward the room we shared. A year ago I would have thought anyone that said I’d be in a relationship, living with a man I loved, was insane. But now I couldn’t imagine my life without Ben or Brayden. Ben couldn’t have said it better, we were a family. I’ve never been happier than I am now. Placing my palm to the door, I slowly pushed it open and found Ben sleeping soundly in the bed. He was curled on his side, his hand outstretched over the space I sleep, as if he was reaching for me in his sleep. That thought alone made my heart feel as if it was being squeezed within my chest. I removed my shoes, followed by my pants and lifted my shirt over my head

before crawling beneath the covers and moving in close to his warmth. Without a second of hesitation he wrapped his strong arm around my waist and pulled my body against his own. “Missed you,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to my forehead and again that familiar act returned. I loved when he got all sweet and confessed his need for me. It was concrete evidence that what we shared was real. Our love was real. “I missed you too,” I assure him, arching my neck just enough to look up at him. His eyes still closed, only now he had this sleepy grin on his face. “You knew from the beginning I’d fall in love with you, even why I tried to fight it, you knew.” “Yeah,” his smile grew to more of a cocky grin. That grin now longer triggered a need to argue within me, it only made my stomach tense. It was the most adorable sexy grin. “How did you know?” It was then Ben opened his eyes to look at me. “Our night together, the first one we shared at the hotel, it wasn’t just about to people blowing off steam. I know we both said it was but it was more than that, you know it and I know it.” His palm slid along my back soothingly and I fought to close my own as as a reaction to his touch. “You let me in that night, you let me see a glimpse of the girl you tried so hard to hide. Even if it was only for a small window of time, you let me see the real you.” “It was hard to fight it,” I confess. “That’s how I knew,” he adds when his finger trailed along the edge of my jaw. “Letting any man in for even a second is something big for you and it was me that you chose. I think you knew too that there was something more but you were so used to denying yourself that it was almost instinct to put those walls back up and ignore those feelings.” He was right, on most days fighting against my urges to want more was almost as easy as breathing. “There was no way I was willing to let you deny yourself or deny me a love I knew would be bigger than anything either of us had ever felt.” “So cocky,” I say as my gaze met his. “But I was right,” he says moving his mouth in closer to mine, his lips barely skimming over my own. “You were meant to be mine Elizabeth, mine to love and mine to protect.” I allowed my eyes to flutter shut as Ben kissed me softly. “Yes,” I whisper just as he moves in for another. I had never felt so safe and protect, nothing compared to the things this man made me feel. He was my everything.





Epilogue

Six Months Later

Brayden’s POV

“What do you think,” Liz asked holding up two different shirts, “the blue or the red?” Young boys, guys in general and shopping did not mix. She should know these things right? Khloe knew how much I hated department stores and the crowds people moving in and out of overpriced stores. Granted she still made me go and took every chance she could to embarrass me too, but she knew. I look up from my phone and cock an eyebrow at Liz, and she waits just a split second before giving me back an equally annoyed look. “Blue,” I say just to pacify her and she narrows her eyes I sure knowing exactly what my thoughts were. It was weird but the more time I spent with liz, the more I’d come to realize she was so much like my sister. Exhibit A. “Hey Brayden didn’t you say you needed more boxers,” I look around hoping there are no girls in sight before I turn to Liz. There she is holding up a package of what looked like superhero underwear. “What you like X-Men don’t you? Or was it Batman.” She pierced her lips and my cheeks reddened. “Lower the boxers,” I say, “and lower your voice.” “Why?” She says even louder and I swear her voice echoed throughout the store. “Everyone wears underwear Brayden, well most people. You aren’t one of those commando types are you?” Kill me now, I think when I hear a sniper and look to my left to see a cute blond girl laughing with her even cuter friend. “Liz,” I say in warning and watch as she holds them higher as if inspecting the label or something. I wanted to run. When the two girls walk away I step closer, jerk the package from Liz’s hands and toss them onto the shelf as if they were on fire. “I don’t need boxers and even if I did, I wouldn’t wear super hero ones.”

By the devious smile on her face I knew she already knew this information. She played me, much like Khloe would have had I been ignoring her during a shopping trip too. I shake my head in defeat. “Fine,” I say, “I get it. I’ll do this whole shopping thing if you promise to stop giving you shit about shopping.” She gave me the same disciplinary look Ben gives me whenever I cuss. “Crap,” I correct rolling my eyes. She seemed pleased, offering me a nod as she moved on, picking up shirt after shirt and then holding it out for me. I smiled, well I forced a smile and oohed and ahhed dramatically but instead of getting ignored, she played along. I knew if Khloe could choose the people for me to live with it would be Ben and Liz, she loved them. They also didn’t give in to me when I felt I needed to try a little harder to get my way. They were stern, yet they were cool. Not only was Ben my guardian, but he was now my best friend. Liz too, she was a pretty cool chic. I used to think I was cursed, first my father was a piece of shit, then our mother chose freedom to live how she wanted over loving her own children. Then I lost Khloe. I still think at times my luck couldn’t get any worse, but then I look at Ben and Liz, and realize maybe I wasn’t cursed. *** “Where is she?” Ben whispered as he peeks in the door. “In the shower,” I tell him without looking away from my video game. I heard him moving around behind me, just before he thrust something out in his hands at my side. “What do you think?” I hit pause and look at what he’s holding, unable to hold back my smile. “You doing it now?” I ask. “I’m thinking about it,” Ben says staring at the ring in his hand. “Liz doesn’t need anything fancy, I just think here at home is the best place to propose.” “She is cool like that,” I say, “most girls would want hearts and flowers. They’d want mushy talk and all that garbage.” “One day you’ll get it little man,” Ben says as it tucks the ring back in the box. “It’s about the approach. If you share your feelings with a woman, your true feelings, they won’t care if its in closet, or in the center of a restaurant while a ton of strangers witness your confession.” “Gross,” I say looking at him with my nose wrinkled up. “You think it’s gross now, but one day you’ll change your mind.” Before I have the chance to argue he stands up and moves toward the bedroom.

Three months ago Ben was awarded full custody of me. This decision he’s made to ask Elizabeth means I gain her too. Though I think I’ve had her too from the beginning this sort of makes things official. I wait silently in the living room, listening for her reaction and when I hear it I can’t help but smile. She squeals, laughs and all that is followed by Ben’s deep chuckle. I had my family, and though Khloe wasn’t her physically, she was still here with me. She always would be, because I would never forget the one person that made sure I had a chance to be something great. She was my angel.



Sneak Peek

Eternally Yours

Wade’s POV

Elle: Sometimes I wonder what’s the point. Why try because it’s all gonna end one day anyway. I know I shouldn’t think that way but it’s so hard. Me: I know at times it seems like that, I’ve felt it too. But there is a point Elle to all of this. We all have a purpose and it’s up to each of us to find that purpose. Sometimes it broke my heart to be so far away from Elle. It was hard to know she was sad and being unable to hold her was the worse. Okay so I lied, the worst part is that I wanted so much more than what we were and she was still so closed off and sheltered. I think somehow she feels guilt for having a life to life when Luke lost his. I also know that he wouldn’t want her to feel that way. I spent months observing the two of them. They would Skype and email, they would talk for hours on the phone and I’ll admit, I was jealous. I wanted someone that I could be that comfortable with. Circumstances I would give anything to change have brought us tot he now, and it’s me she now leans. I never meant fall for her, it was meant to be nothing more than a friend supporting another. Damn did that backfire. Elle: Sorry I’m being a downer again. I opted out of the text and called her instead. “You calling to tell me to smile,” she said as she answered the call. “Yeah,” I say smiling myself, “and to tell you that you can be a downer whenever you feel you need too, I’m here.” I wanted to say so much more but bit my tongue instead. I knew telling her I was falling in love with her was the worst thing I could say. Whoever said it was easy for a guy and a girl to be friends and keep intimate feelings at bay , never tried being friend with Elle.

“Thanks Wade,” she says pulling me out of my thoughts. “I don’t think I would have made it through the last nine months without your friendship. You truly are the best friend a girl could ask for.” There is what, that dreaded word, friends. I had no idea how in the hell I planned to keep up this charade. Friend yes, but I wanted more.

COMING 2018