Hot & Heavy (The Chubby Girl Chronicles#1) - Tabatha Vargo(ang.)

Hot & Heavy Copyright © 2017 by Tabatha Vargo All Rights Reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events or real people are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Hot & Heavy/Tabatha Vargo Editing services provided by Editing4Indies Cover Art by Regina Wamba/Mae I Design and Photography

ON THE PLUS SIDE The Chubby Girl Chronicles 1 Big girls need love, too, but at what cost? Lilly is loaded, not only with money, but also with weight. Both things she could do without. But even with her undesired millionaire status, she doesn’t hold on to false hopes of finding true love. So when a sexy stranger comes into her life dripping with seduction, she finds it hard to resist. The bigger they are,

the harder they fall, and Lilly falls straight through the floor in love with Mr. Sexy. Too bad he’s there for all the wrong reasons. The chance of losing it all will make you do some crazy things, and Devin’s willing to do whatever it takes to keep his life together. All seems lost when out of nowhere he’s approached by a Millionaire Momma with an offer he can’t refuse. But even a womanizer like Devin has a heart, and when the short, chunky girl with the carefree attitude breaks through his icy façade, he finds that losing everything takes on a whole new meaning.

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Hot & Heavy The Chubby Girl Chronicles 2 Sometimes a little heat is all it takes to lighten a heavy heart. Shannon Daniels is afraid of men, but when Matthew Ellis literally falls into her lap, fear is the last thing she feels. For the first time in years, she desires a man, and she plans on taking advantage of her new craving. Shannon hatches a plan to

satisfy her sudden hunger, but dancing with the devil will get you more than a one-way trip to hell, and Shannon finds out quickly that even the best-laid plans go awry. Matthew Ellis swears he will never get caught in the tangled web of a woman. After a devastating heartbreak, he’s determined to die a bachelor. When he meets Shannon, a chubby redhead with a firecracker personality, he decides to add her to his list of conquests. The good news is she’s okay with a hot and heavy fling. The bad news is, for the first time since he was a teenager, being caught doesn’t seem that unappealing.

Be sure to check out more from Tabatha Vargo! Slammer Sacked Black Sheep The Chubby Girl Chronicles On the Plus Side Hot and Heavy The Blow Hole Boys The Blow Hole Rock Hard Box Set Playing Patience (Zeke) Perfecting Patience 1.5 (Zeke) Finding Faith (Finn) Convincing Constance (Tiny) Having Hope (Chet) The Black Trilogy Little Black Beginning Little Black Book Little Black Break The Wrath of Sin The Procedure Jack Hammer The TVMA Box Set

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For my precious moments…

PROLOGUE SHANNON DANIELS “NINE-ONE-ONE. WHAT’S YOUR EMERGENCY?” the operator asked. She sounded broken, static creeping into the line as my cell struggled to catch the signal from the center of the cornfield where I’d been dumped. “I ...” My voice cracked. I swallowed the flames that lit my raw throat with the single world. I hadn’t spoken. Not since the screaming stopped. Not since the tiny pieces of my existence came crashing down around me, little orange cinders burning me and leaving me mentally scarred. “I need help,” I muttered, pushing my voice over the burn. Humiliation rolled through me as memories of the night settled onto me like thick fog. Suffocating me, it sucked the oxygen out of the atmosphere, leaving nothing behind. I’d all but asked for it—practically begged for

just one date with him. My entire high school experience had been about him. Passing him in the halls. Seeing him in gym class. Anything I could do or say in hopes of catching his eye, I did. Joining clubs I wanted nothing to do with because I’d heard he’d joined them. Going to football games to watch him play when I abhorred anything sports related and had no idea what was happening. When he asked me to go to prom after four years of dreaming of him, I agreed without a second thought. Little did I know my night would end with me sitting in a cornfield covered in dirt with wet grass clinging to the ripped shreds of my expensive green dress. My fingers moved over the glittering sequins barely hanging on to the smooth taffeta before catching on the broken pieces of my acrylic fingernails. A wilting white carnation hung limply from my wrist as the tiny sprays of baby’s breath trickled onto the fresh growth beneath me. I’d felt beautiful for the first time in my entire life. My grammy had taken me to a salon earlier in the day to have my scarlet hair curled and styled. Now, those curls tumbled loosely from the pins that had once held them back and freshly cut grass clung to the dangling strands. Why else would I have asked you out?

He asked when I questioned his intentions in the back of his car. Why else indeed? What had I been thinking? For four years, he barely acknowledged me. It wasn’t until he found out I was willing to do anything to get his attention that he finally showed me some. At least that was how my friend had worded it, thinking she was doing me a favor. Shannon would do anything to date you. That was what he wanted from me. Anything. Unfortunately for him, I wasn’t as willing to do anything as he’d thought. And unfortunately for me, with a bit of party punch in his system, he no longer cared if I was willing or not. “Ma’am?” the operator questioned. She’d been talking to me, asking me questions, but I was no longer speaking. I couldn’t because the embarrassment was becoming tangible, pulling the air from my lungs as realization set in. I’d done this to myself. It was my fault. I’d asked for it. Every time I put myself in his path with hopes of his attention, I’d begged for it. What would everyone say? How would it look when everyone at school found out? And they would. The minute I said the words into my phone—

the minute I asked for help—everyone would know, and they would laugh. They would say I wanted it, and maybe for a few seconds I had, but my mind had changed quickly. I should have been all for it. Me, the chunky redhead who clung to his every word, and him, the jock who instigated drool from the female race as a whole, but the second he became rough and insistent, I knew I didn’t want it. Not even a little bit. Closing my eyes, all I could see in my mind was the tiny crescent-shaped birthmark on his right forearm. I remembered locking my eyes on it when he used his right hand to hold my arms down above my head. After I gave up the fight, the birthmark had bounced in my vision, and I focused on it so I didn’t have to think about what was happening to me. I couldn’t tell the operator the sick and twisted things he’d done to me. I couldn’t go through with it. Already, I’d been disgraced. Once the rumors moved through school like a salty wave of gossip, the humiliation would only get worse. He would tell them I wanted it, and they would believe him. Why wouldn’t they believe him? It made sense. Every other girl in school wanted him. Why wouldn’t I?

Gripping my cell tightly, I pulled it away from my ear. The screen lit up, igniting the area around me with my reality. “Ma’am, are you there?” the operator’s voice echoed into the night. If I told, everyone would know. And if everyone knew, I could never live it down. If everyone knew, I could never forget. It would follow me around for the rest of my life, hovering over me like gray clouds of sadness and despair. Graduation was a little over a month away, which meant I could walk away in a few weeks and never look back. I could put it all behind me and focus on my future without the stain of prom night all over my flesh. My thumb moved across the screen, and I pressed it against the red button to end the call. Help wasn’t what I needed or wanted. To forget was what I needed. To pretend was what I wanted to do. My knees popped when I stood, and bits of grass and little green sequins rained onto the ground around me. My ankle screamed in discomfort when I limped toward the dirt road that bordered the field. I wanted to go home. And I never wanted to think about prom night ever again. I didn’t care if I spent the rest of my life alone.

I didn’t care if it was just me and my grammy for the rest of my forever. I’d stay away from men because they were evil and only wanted one thing. It didn’t matter if you were willing to give them that one thing or not. Men took what they wanted. Period. And as I limped home, I made a promise never to put myself in the position to be taken ever again.

ONE SHANNON THREE YEARS LATER

THE SOUND OF THE CLOCK TICKING in the back office sounded like a hammer against a stone. It echoed through the space around us, beating in perfect rhythm with the time, which didn’t seem to be moving. The boredom was so palpable I could reach out and pluck it from reality, smothering us and making me feel stuck inside the store. The open sign had been switched on for three hours, and in that time, we hadn’t had a single customer. Even though I knew it would make my shift move even slower, I continuously checked the time on my phone, hoping another hour had passed. It hadn’t. Minutes had passed. Not hours. A sigh rushed from between my lips, and I

rested my chin in my palm, tapping the tip of my nose with my fingers. “Mmm,” Lilly hummed as she shoved another spoonful of cookies and cream ice-cream into her mouth. She was stress eating—soothing something inside her soul with sugar and calories. I knew all too well what it was like to give in to the sugar addiction to take away your emotions. The carbohydrate load was good for our minds, clearing away the memory debris that loaded down our thoughts, but the sugar overdose was terrible for our bodies. I understood, though. I had done the same thing many times in my life. Although, my sugar soothing sessions were usually brought on for different reasons than Lilly’s. She was having a minor breakdown over the fact she was falling hard for the guy she was seeing. Falling for a guy wasn’t something I would ever do. Lilly wasn’t me, though. She was my best friend as well as my roommate and the manager of Franklin’s Jewelry store where I worked, but she wasn’t a man-hater the way I was. Needless to say, I was around her a ton, so I understood her issues. I really did. The differences in her since she gained her new guy friend, or whatever he was, were seriously noticeable, and I hated to see her wrapped in the

wrath of depression during what should have been a joyful period in her life. She was fighting her feelings, which, honestly, was the wisest thing she could do when it came to the opposite sex, but I knew she wouldn’t win the fight. Women were drawn to attractive men, and while I hated to admit it, Devin Michaels, Lilly’s new friend, was super nice to gawk at. That didn’t mean I wanted what she had. It didn’t mean my body was suddenly working again or I could feel the urges she spoke of. Understanding attraction to men was hard for me. I pretended, giggling with my girlfriends about the half-naked men in magazines and the sexy guys at the bars we went to, but the fact was, even looking at naked male flesh made my stomach turn inside out. The night I dared not think of made it so. His touch. His voice. The memory of his flesh sliding against mine. Everything about it turned me away from the male gender. They were the Black Plague as far as I was concerned—rotting women from the inside out —dotting their flesh with the pocks of disdain. We were all being threatened by an army of penises ready to bring down the female race. Needless to say, the events which unfolded over the course of the day were a shock to my

misandristic system. My eyes were shuttering closed, my mind slowly shutting down, and I kept catching myself nodding off at the front counter. Weekdays, when almost everyone else in the world was working, too, tended to be that way. Why two of us worked at the same time on a weekday, I had no idea. I only knew I needed the money, so even though I wanted to call in for the day, I pulled myself out of bed, got dressed, tamed my fiery mane, and went to work. Tourists passed our door, basking in the comfortable fall weather outside and enjoying the historical beauty of Charleston. I hadn’t always lived in Charleston, but I had lived there long enough to know who was a tourist. The tourist looked at everything around them as if it was some sort of beautiful creation. Their mouths hung open in love with the antiquity of the town. They pulled out their phones for pictures and walked the sidewalks slow enough to take in everything they passed. Locals weren’t anything like that. They hustled, bustling past the magnificence of our town with their phones glued to their faces. They weren’t in awe of Charleston’s splendor. They took advantage of their circumstances because the town around them was their home and the world they saw every day. Growing up, I lived on the outskirts of

downtown Charleston, and coming from a smaller town, I had only visited the city on special occasions. My family could never afford the luxuries of downtown, but sometimes, we would drive to town and walk the ancient cobblestone streets, taking in the history that marked every surface of the city. I used to be a tourist—a slow walker—pulling out my camera and snapping pictures of the town’s rustic charm. Memorizing its handmade wrought iron fences and perfectly manicured historic gardens. Things were different now, though. I was older, and living with my grammy wasn’t an option anymore. Bills needed to be paid, and next to no work could be found in the small town where I grew up. After months of searching, damn near starving, and having our electric turned off, I moved in with Lilly and took the job at Franklin’s Jewelry store. Soon after my move, Grammy started getting disability checks to cover her bills, but I still contributed whenever I was able. A small boy in blue jean overalls ran up to our door and pulled on the handle like he was going to come inside. I leaned up on the counter, thrilled at the prospect of a customer, but his mother came behind him and tugged him toward the store beside ours. False alarm. Resting my chin on the heel of my hand, I

sighed in boredom yet again. My eyes gradually closed as the sleep I had missed the night before crept over me. That was when I saw him. I didn’t usually notice men, but this man … he was very noticeable, to say the least. He was tall and dark, his bronzed skin glittering in the noon sunlight. His wide shoulders flexed as he tilted his head to the side to crack his neck, and his thighs stretched in his distressed jeans when he stepped onto the sidewalk just outside Franklin’s. The button up cargo shirt he was wearing pulled tightly across his chest as he moved. The large watch on his wrist caught the sun when he checked the time, and a reflection dashed across my face. Men rarely wore watches anymore, but something about it was attractive and distinguished. Wearing a watch told the people around him he didn’t allow his phone to rule his world. He was the ruler. The commander of his time and actions and no digital electronic was going to tell him when and where. I blinked, shocked I was staring so hard— surprised I was contemplating anything about him. He was like a solar eclipse … dangerous to look at but too hard to look away from. A bad accident that made you rubberneck or an intense movie you rewound to watch over and over again. He moved like volcanic lava, deliberate and

steaming, in no rush to get where he was going, but sure to scorch everything in his path. The tourist women walking the sidewalk melted like shaved ice on hot asphalt as he passed. If I hadn’t found it hard to look away from him myself, I might have laughed at how idiotic they seemed. But for the first time in a long while, I understood their ogling. He was beautiful. Gorgeous like a Greek god but tainted black like the devil himself. He slid his mirrored sunshades from his face, the glasses catching the reflection of our front door and sign, and hooked them in the pocket of his shirt. He ran his long fingers through his midnight hair, a defiant strand dropping loose from the rest and landing in a sexy curl against his forehead, before reaching for the handle of our door. “Put down the ice cream, Lilly. A customer’s coming in, and he’s sexy with a capital S,” I said. It was the way I spoke about men. My way of hiding the fact that anything with a penis scared the living shit out of me. Usually, it worked, and the girls would laugh along, but this time was different. This time, I meant the words I said. It was abnormal and made my skin feel sticky and hot as if I had been wearing an itchy sweater and sprayed with warm water. It disgusted me, and I hated that my body was

planning a rebellion. I didn’t often look at the opposite sex. No. That was untrue. I never looked at the opposite sex, but this guy was … well, he was sexy. Even considering his appearance or appreciating his presence made my stomach heave. My spine straightened with the sickness that settled within me like stones sinking to the bottom of a murky lake. By the time he pulled the door open and the bell above the door chimed, I was beginning to feel dizzy and anxious. His aqua blue eyes skimmed over me, and a peculiar warmth dashed through me, intensifying my lightheadedness and making my knees quake. Then his eyes moved away and landed on Lilly. A slow, calculated smile transformed his handsome face as he strolled casually to the counter. A tiny dimple popped on his cheek, upping his attractiveness to dangerous levels. “Hey there, sweet cheeks. Fancy meetin’ you here,” he flirted with Lilly. Her cheeks lit from within, flushing her face with a pretty pink blush. She adjusted her shirt, pulling it down over her thighs self-consciously as she moved closer to the counter. “Hey, Matt. It’s good to see you again. What can I do for you?”

She knew him. What the hell was going on? When did Lilly become friends with all these men? Did I need to worry that she would start bringing them to our apartment? I couldn’t live that way—sleeping in bed with the enemy under my roof while contemplating the terrible things they could do to me while I slept. They weren’t trustworthy. They took what they wanted and I would never be taken again. Not ever. “Ah, how sweet,” he cooed, his voice dark and seductive. “You remembered my name. I didn’t think you’d remember anything with as much as you had to drink that night.” He laughed, and the sound of it sent chills over my skin. Not for the usual reason, which had more to do with revulsion and anxiety, but because it sounded deep and rich … soothing my frazzled edges in a bizarre way. Goose bumps attacked my body, rolling across my flesh like falling dominoes, making the hair on my arms stand on end. A curious ache I hadn’t felt in over three years formed between my thighs, making my nipples tingle and pebble. I wanted to get away from this guy, whoever he was, and never see him again. My mouth opened so I could speak to Lilly, so I

could tell her I needed to get away, but the words wouldn’t come out. Swallowing hard, I cleared my throat. “I see you have this taken care of,” I muttered. “I’ll just be in the back if you need me.” I hurried to the rear of the store as fast as my trembling legs would take me. Once I made it to the break room, I slammed my shoulders against the wall and tried to gain control of my breathing. “Get it together, Shannon,” I whispered. I listened from the back as the guy flirted with Lilly, trying to convince her to go on a date with him. Then they must have moved farther away because their words became distant and muffled. My hands shook as I snatched a few boxes of stock for the display cases and walked back to the front of the store. Curiosity bloomed until I could no longer contain it, but as long as I was in the back of the store, I was unable to hear their conversation. It was imperative I knew every single detail of why he was there. It was also vital for me to understand why I responded to him so abnormally. If I understood the cause, perhaps I could cure the unwanted feelings he was tugging from within me. Then everything became clear, and I knew the path I needed to take. Lilly was freaking out about Devin, but maybe

seeing this guy would make things easier? Maybe it would take her mind off all the things bothering her if she started dating a new guy? It was a sick and twisted way of thinking. The whole “to get over one, get under another” saying, but if she was dating this guy, it could kill two birds with one stone. She would be occupied, which meant her mind would be engaged and unavailable for her friend Devin, and if she was dating the sexy, bronze god in the front of the store, it would surely cure my unwelcomed attraction to him. Lilly was my best friend, and I was loyal to a fault. As long as she was seeing him, my mind wouldn’t flutter into this unknown territory it seemed to be launching itself toward. He would be taken, and I wouldn’t have to worry about my body responding to him. He would be hands off for me. Not that I was thinking about putting my hands on him. My body, on the other hand, hadn’t gotten the No Men memo. My stomach twisted with sickness while the secret spot between my thighs throbbed and ached for something I refused to give into. My body and mind weren’t on the same channel. They weren’t on the same anything. My cognizance was screaming no to everything my body was feeling, and I breathed a bit easier knowing my brain would win the war. The memories were always victorious.

My sickness could never be cured. My irrationality had taken my brain hostage without demands and refused to release it. I knew as long as it was locked away behind my wall of crazy, it would always stay put. My brain could never allow my body to push me toward its urges. My dark past and the memories came rushing forward like a mentally altered white knight, fighting anything that threatened my newly acquired sanity. “I actually have something I have to do this Saturday night. I’m sorry, maybe some other time,” Lilly said with a forced smile. She wasn’t lying. She did have plans this coming weekend—plans that included me—but that didn’t stop me from opening my mouth and shutting down her rejection. “Lil, why don’t you invite your new friend to your birthday party Saturday night?” I suggested. Sure, it would put this guy in my proximity again, but as long as he was with Lilly, it was worth it. I kept my attention on the task of stocking the display with the boxes I had in my arms. I was sure I looked calm and cool as if I were just working, but inside, my heart was drilling in my chest and making it next to impossible to breathe. Needless to say, it was my fault Lilly had a date to her birthday party. A date I could tell she wasn’t

thrilled about, but whatever it took to fix my issue. I had a selfish moment. It happened. He needed to be untouchable, in case my mind decided to finally heal. In case my white knight became a pansy and ran in the opposite direction of my inner fight. In case my brain was finally released from its hellish prison. “You ladies have a nice afternoon,” he said before he turned to leave the store, happy with the outcome of his visit. It was then, and only then, I turned away from my task and took another look at him. His back muscles flexed with his stride, and when he reached up to put his shades back on, I could see the intricate network of veins bubbling from his tan, muscled arms. He turned back and grinned at Lilly, the tilt of his luscious lips sending another wave of chills across my flesh, and then he was gone. The bell above the door chimed with his exit, and finally, I was able to breathe again.

BY THE TIME SATURDAY NIGHT CAME, and we were getting ready for Lilly’s birthday party at her mother’s house, I still hadn’t

gotten the guy who came into the store out of my mind. I hoped I would have, but it seemed I went to sleep every night with his grin and dimples playing on repeat. It was sickening. Thinking of a total stranger that way literally nauseated me, but I couldn’t shut it off. I tried everything to get out of going to Lilly’s birthday party for several reasons. The main reason being I was apparently a terrible friend since I was even considering skipping her party, but also because I didn’t want to see Matt, her date; the guy who branded himself on my memory without even speaking to me. Pathetic. Of course, there was also the prospect of spending the night with her mom’s rich friends. It was next to impossible to be comfortable around those people. They had a tendency to look me over like I was a piece of trailer park trash waiting to be tossed. Our other friends would be there as buffers, but nothing was worse than old hags dripping in diamonds looking me up and down in disgust because I was financially beneath them or, as I had heard one say once before, “A little too curvy for my own good.” Whatever the hell that meant. I was fat.

Get over it. I tried not to think about that remark or the weight I seemed to be gaining on a weekly basis no matter how much I watched what I was eating. If I even looked at something fattening, I gained a pound, and I looked a lot. Since I refused to be weak for anybody, food was my weakness. I was in the middle of checking out my thickening waistline in the mirror in the living room when the doorbell rang. My breath hitched, and I waited quietly in hopes that Lilly would come out of her room thinking I was still in the shower and answer the door. I wasn’t that lucky. Even though it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do, I strode across the room to the door and pulled it open with a tight smile that made my cheeks ache. Matt was standing there, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe with a knowing grin on his thick lips. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew he was handsome. He was aware of what his presence did to women. He relished in it, enjoying their looks and shivers and bathing in their attention like the filthy man he was. His suit looked expensive, and his dark hair was carelessly tousled into the perfect amount of accidental sex appeal. God, he looked tasty.

Like chocolate and caramel and all things crave-worthy. I bet he tasted as succulent as he looked. Not good for you at all, but magically delicious. The kind of delicious that caused weight gain and diabetes. Except instead of doing bad things to my body, he was making all my senses go into overdrive. My heart rate went up, ripping into my ribs until I felt its beat vibrating my entire center. He looked around me, not even paying me a bit of attention, yet he had the nerve to say, “Hey, gorgeous. Is your girl Lilly here?” Gorgeous. Yeah, right. How would he know what the hell I looked like, considering he had never really looked at me? I didn’t even attempt to respond to his rehearsed flattery. “What’s your name again?” I asked, even though I already knew his name. I felt like he needed a knockdown off his high horse, and I could tell by the widening of his eyes that he wasn’t accustomed to being unmemorable. He chuckled, the sound sending yet another wave of vibrations across me. I found myself shaking as if a cold breeze slid over my skin. Icy. Shocking my system with shivers. “My name’s Matthew, sweetheart.”

“I’m not your sweetheart,” I deadpanned. His grin lifted, the dimple punching me in the gut and pushing the oxygen from my lungs. “Noted.” He chuckled. The door creaked when I tugged it open all the way and made space for him to come inside. A night with him at Lilly’s mom’s house, which would be full of rich, snobby people, meant I was sure to have the most uncomfortable night of my life. “Lilly! Matt’s here!” I called through our small apartment. Thankfully, she appeared in the living room within seconds, looking just as beautiful as usual. Her makeup was perfection, and her hair curled just so. She was breathtaking and clueless to her beauty. Matt’s eyes lit up when Lilly came into the room, and I was happy to see him so engrossed in her. As long as he was interested in Lilly, I could never be interested in him. He was off limits and far away from me. Exactly how I liked my men.

TWO MATTHEW ELLIS

CHUBBY WOMEN SUCKED DICK like they were starving. At least that was what my friend Daniel told me. He was a complete asshole, but he was hilarious about it. All jokes aside, though. He’d once dated a heavy girl, and I’d never seen him so content. He said the sex was incredible because plump girls were more willing to satisfy. He said their low selfesteem made them grateful for anything they could get. Basically, from what he was saying, overweight women were low-maintenance fucks. Always giving. Never worried about receiving, which sounded like the ideal situation for a guy like me. It was fucked up to even consider a woman that way, but I craved the simplicity of that kind of arrangement. My usual hunting game exhausted me. Lately,

the women I’ve found were hard to please and egotistical as fuck. Since I myself tended to be a bit on the self-centered side, it never played out well. Two selfish people trying to enjoy a night of sex was a bad state—one where neither walked away completely satisfied. I couldn’t remember the last time I left a woman’s bed impressed. A night of being treated like a chunky girl’s tasty treat was exactly what I needed, and something about Lilly Sheffield told me once I went fat, I’d never go back. She had good blowjob lips—thick and cushioned, begging to be probed—and while I wasn’t really into chunky girls, even I had to admit her ass was sweet and round. She looked capable of handling a hard fuck, and I was ready and willing to test that theory out. She wasn’t technically available, and what I was doing was fucked up, but Devin Michaels deserved it. I never thought I would see the day when he gave a damn about a woman, but once I saw the lovestruck look in his eyes, I knew it was time to pounce. And so, years after high school, I was finally getting my revenge. It didn’t matter how much time had passed; the hurt of walking into my girlfriend’s bedroom and seeing her being fucked into oblivion still burned in my chest. I was stupid in love, and I let the devastation of seeing Devin fuck my girl ruin

everything I had worked for. One of my biggest regrets was that I didn’t go in and beat the life from him, but it was as if the moment had sucked all my fight and energy away from me. The dizzying, blinding pain I felt from the heartbreak was crippling, so instead of fighting, I left them alone without even interrupting them. I shut her bedroom door as her screams of ecstasy echoed through my mind and took the stairs one at a time to the first floor. Even after I was in my car and on the way back to my house, I could still hear the sounds of them fucking—his body slamming into hers—and the filthy words he was saying to her were etched so deeply in my memory it made my brain ache. Devin and I weren’t friends then. Hell, we didn’t even go to the same school, but he had unknowingly destroyed my life, and it was time I got payback. Just thinking of the football career I threw away and the deep depression I fell into was enough to take away the guilt of fucking him over. I hadn’t meant to become his friend over the years. I only got close to him so I could seek out my revenge. Still, friends or not, I needed to do this for my sanity—to even the playing field—and to remind myself never to fall for a woman ever again. “You smell good,” I whispered in Lilly’s ear. It wasn’t a lie. She did smell amazing—sugary and delicious—

ripe and ready for the picking. “Thank you,” she replied. “Vanilla and cherries, that’s what you smell like.” I moved closer, running my lips across the shell of her ear. I smiled when I felt her shiver in my arms, and my smile grew exponentially when I noticed Devin standing across the room watching us. I’d seen the way he looked at her. I knew what a man in love looked like. Just the thought of my ex had made me look that way before she fucked me over. Hurt flashed through his expression, and even though I knew it was wrong, satisfaction struck me deep. So deep I almost purred with pleasure. How does it feel, motherfucker? I pulled Lilly closer, her soft and full body moving with mine as we danced in a room full of overprivileged pricks and pampered princesses. People with money never bothered me because they were my peers. My family had more money than God, and I was just another rich boy gone bad with my family’s money to keep me afloat and my family name to keep me out of jail. It wasn’t long until I felt Devin at my back. Tension flowed from him in waves, making my spine stiffen and my smile grow so wide my face began to hurt. The song we were dancing to was coming to an

end, and when the last ripples of the melody floated through the space around us, I turned and beamed at Devin’s angry expression. His eyes were bloodshot with fury. His hands gripped tightly in fists at his sides as if he was aching for a fight. His cheeks flushed red with the hate of heartbreak and devastation. A feeling I remembered like yesterday. Good. Let him feel exactly what I once felt. He pulled me by my collar, and I continued to smile. He was doing exactly what I had hoped he would, which was make a scene. I wiped at my cheek and chuckled when he practically hissed in my face. “What the hell, Matt?” His eyes darkened as the fury inside him festered and boiled. The shit was about to hit the fan. He was playing right into my game, and I was loving every second. I pulled away and plastered an even bigger grin on my face. “Dev! What’s up, bro?” I asked cheerfully, playing the friend card right to the end. His eyes moved from mine to Lilly’s. Again, devastation swam across his expression. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked, tugging on my arm, his vise grip digging into my muscle.

I pulled my arm from his grasp and turned back toward Lilly. Discomfort stiffened her expression, but I didn’t care. I was a selfish prick, and this entire situation was for me. Lifting her hand, I pressed a soft kiss to her fingers and grinned at her. “I’ll be right back, sweetheart.” I threw in for extra measure. A pretty blush covered her cheeks, and the heat of Devin’s stare baked the side of my face. I chuckled carelessly while he dragged me across the room away from where Lilly could hear us. “You’d better start talking,” he growled. He knew that I knew they were together. I first saw them together at a gas station and ended up talking them into going to a party with me. He didn’t know it then, but I fed her strong drinks all night, and when she needed a ride home, I was more than happy to give her one. It was that night when I saw his love for her, and at that moment, my plan for revenge had been hatched. I pulled my arm from his grasp. If he kept grabbing me, he would have hell to pay. I would only take so much before I snapped on him because I had years of rage on my side. Meanwhile, he only had a few minutes. “What the hell’s your problem, Devin?” I asked.

I knew exactly what his problem was, but I was having too much fun watching him sweat. “Why are you here with Lilly? Better yet, why are you even here at all?” he asked. “I was invited,” I answered honestly. “I’m her date.” His face turned so red it looked purple, and I knew I’d struck a nerve. Finally. “The hell you are!” he roared. “You stay away from her. I’m serious, Matt. You stay the hell away from her.” His yelling drew the attention of the entire room our way. I leaned in close, ready to rip his heart out the way he ripped mine out years ago. I had all but rehearsed the words I would say to strike the final blow, and the excitement at finally being able to say them was making me giddy. “Look, man, you blew it. Get over it. Just stand back and watch the master work.” His jaw clenched, and I knew I had him. I wanted him to hit me. I wanted him to make a scene and show his ass. I knew women, and I knew that by exploding in front of everyone she knew, he would push Lilly right into my arms. I didn’t want to keep her, but I wouldn’t rest until I’d fucked her senseless. His nostrils flared with his heated breath as he tried to control his rage.

“You need to go,” he said calmly. “You need to leave now.” It was hilarious watching him try to control his wrath. Everyone who knew Devin knew he had a mean streak a mile wide, but I wasn’t scared of him. I had never been. If anything, I was trying to use his anger against him. I wanted him to snap. I wanted the people around us to see how unhinged he was. “Oh, come on, Devin,” I said with a smirk. “Don’t act like you weren’t trying to get in her pants. I know you, dude. We’re shaped by the same mold. Of all people, don’t even try to play me. I know the way the game is played.” I chuckled. I was blowing smoke. Honestly, nothing I said was making any sense, but I was pressing any and all his buttons. Still, he wasn’t cracking, which meant I had to pull out the big guns if I wanted him to blow. “You know … fat girls have low self-esteem,” I whispered so only he could hear me. “Lilly’s a pretty girl, so if I play my cards right, I could be in that tonight.” I laughed. And then it happened. A deep fissure worked its way down him, and he cracked. I could practically see the fracture in his eyes—the pieces breaking away—and the anger flowed out freely.

He was fast, and I didn’t see it coming, but I felt like my head exploded when he punched me. I hadn’t expected him to hit me so hard, and I was sure I blacked out for a minute because when I opened my eyes, I was on the ground and Devin was screaming at me. He was held back as he barked at me like a rabid dog, spittle flying from his tight lips. My eyes moved around the room, and I watched as expressions filled with disgust at his terrible behavior. I was winning, and he didn’t even know it. Reaching up, I ran the back of my hand across my nose and wiped at the blood leaking from my nostril. “You broke my damn nose!” I sputtered out for good measure. “I’ll break more than your nose when I get close to you again, you son of a bitch!” he growled. I smiled inside, fucking loving what a scene he was making at Lilly’s birthday party. It wouldn’t be long until he was gone, and she was nursing me back to health. I’d be fucking her tonight, no doubt about that. And every time I entered her sweet, plump body, I would think about him and how badly it would hurt him when he found out. And he would. If I had to hire a plane to write it in the sky, he would know I fucked the woman he cared about. Someone attempted to help me up, but the room

was still spinning, and I fell back, taking whoever it was down with me. I lay there, blinking away the haze with my face throbbing like a son of a bitch. With everything going on, I hadn’t even realized I was lying in someone’s arms. Wiping at my bloody nose again, I blinked to gain full consciousness. When I looked up, I was face to face with the best set of tits I had ever seen, which was saying a lot since Lilly had one hell of a rack on her. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes for a moment. Her body cradled me, her warmth seeping into me, somehow soothing the ache in my face. It was shocking how wonderful it felt to be close to this stranger. It had been years since I had let a woman embrace me this way, and I could only assume it was because I had almost been knocked unconscious. When I opened my eyes again, my face was curtained by soft scarlet waves as her hair fell all around me. Red—the color of lust and seduction. The color of sex. I could practically smell the sweat of two hot bodies just looking through the sinful shade. It was all I saw when I looked at her. Sex surrounded me as she held me in her arms, and for a moment, I forgot that Devin had possibly broken my nose. I forgot I was lying on Mrs. Sheffield’s floor

with people who knew me, and my family as well, staring with sorrow in their eyes. All I saw were those damn misty green eyes—Irish shorelines— next to a sea of unmanageable red hair. I closed my eyes once more and breathed her in. The soft smell of lavender swirled around me as she leaned closer. Her warm body pressed against me, and my pants tightened. It had been years since I reacted so quickly to a woman over so little. Not since high school when I was too worried about college scouts to notice the cheerleaders with the short skirts. “Are you okay?” Her voice was deep and husky. Not what I expected from a girl with fair skin and freckles. She peered down at me with hazel orbs. Her brows pressed down in worry and her lips pursed tight in distress. It was then I felt how tense her body was. While I was feeling like I was melting into her lavender warmth, she was anxious and uncomfortable being so close to me. I cleared my throat. Even though I knew it would make her even more uncomfortable, I turned my head and brazenly stared at the cleavage peeking over the top of her spaghetti-strapped dress. “Never been better.” I grinned, leaning in to nuzzle her. I was definitely out of it.

Devin had packed one hell of a punch. Her breath stopped, and for seconds, all I could hear was the frantic beating of her heart. It took her a minute to react, but one minute, I was lying in her arms, surrounded by the soft swells of her lush body, and the next, she was using her thighs to shake me off her like a bucking bronco. “You’re an asshole,” she said, pushing away from me to stand. Her legs opened as she stood, and I got a peek of purple and black lace panties before she adjusted her dress. “You look like hot sex.” It was not what I wanted to say, but it was close enough. I blinked away the blur of being punched in the nose and shook my head a bit to clear it. “I look like what?” she asked, a horrorstruck expression transforming her face. Before I could repeat myself, she held her hand up to stop me. “Don’t answer that. You’re disgusting.” She scowled down at me. “I can’t believe I was actually worried about you.” She ran a finger under the thin strap of her dress, pulling it back onto her shoulder. She was taller than most girls I fucked, and her body was billowing with curves. Lilly was attractive, but I was looking forward to fucking her more for the devastation it would cause Devin. But

this girl—the redheaded viper—I wanted her bite and venom like I wanted my next breath. I ached to climb inside her and feel the wrath plastered all over her face. I had never had a woman call me disgusting before. I had never been looked at with such contempt by the opposite sex, and for some sick unknown reason, it was doing it for me. I was turned on beyond belief, even with my face throbbing. “You should be worried about me, considering what you’ve done to me.” The room swam around me when I finally made it to my feet. “I didn’t do anything to you,” she said, appalled. “Well, I certainly didn’t do this to myself,” I said, motioning to the crotch of my pants and the tent sticking out. I was hard as a fucking brick wall, and the pressure of my jeans pressing against my rock-hard dick was almost as painful as my face. Her eyes grew large, and her skin paled. My balls reacted, my cock jerking at the attention when her eyes dipped and moved over my body. The shocked expression on her face made me chuckle. “What’s wrong, Little Red? Never seen a big, bad wolf before?” Little Red. That was what I would call her.

She made me feel predatory. Like a wolf waiting to taste her flesh. It was the perfect name for her. This wasn’t the first time I saw her. I had seen her before, and I knew she was Lilly’s friend, but apparently, I had been so caught up in my revenge scheme that I hadn’t noticed how fucking sexy she was. She didn’t respond. Instead, she turned and left me standing in the middle of the room with a bloody nose, a hard-on, and one hell of a challenge.

THREE SHANNON AS SOON AS I COULD, I hustled to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. With my back pressed against the cool wood, I sucked in the air of the room, filling my lungs until they burned. The chattering of the rich bitches at the party could be heard through the door like little chirping biddies. Talk of lowly boys from the country and brawling reached my ears. They were chittering about Devin and Matthew fighting, and I didn’t want to hear any of it. Turning the water on, I drowned out their voices. Confusion swept through me. I was clueless to what had happened, but I knew my body was on fire, and I was trembling uncontrollably. Checking the water to make sure it was cold, I snatched the decorative hand towel from its rack, soaked it, and then wrung it out. The plush cotton felt like icy heaven against my skin, and I sighed in relief as I pressed the frigid towel to my flushed cheeks.

I was ablaze. My entire body sizzling and aching while my heart felt as though it was going to burst from my chest. It took a lot to admit it to myself, but I was aroused. When Matthew fell between my legs, his muscled back pressed against my center. Every time he moved, he brushed against the tiny bundle of nerves I hadn’t given enough attention to lately. But the strangest part was, I was also in the midst of a massive panic attack. Panic and arousal had no business in the same body at the same time. The gripping fear of death was squeezing me, my body tense and shivering, as all the things that could go wrong flew through my demented thoughts. I gripped the marble countertop to keep myself upright while the room around me spun and shifted beneath my heels. If I had known touching him would cause me that kind of hysteria, I would have never offered to help him up. I didn’t want to touch him. Just the thought of his coppery skin against my fingertips made me uneasy, but getting him out of the house before Devin ripped him apart was crucial. It was my fault he was there in the first place, and I was prepared to drag him out the front door if it meant calming Lilly down on what was supposed to be her special night. What I hadn’t expected was for him to fall back against me and take me down with him.

Staring in the mirror above the sink, I looked flushed as if I had just finished a workout, my red cheeks glowing under the overhead lighting. I set the wet towel down on the counter and smoothed the hair away from my face. A few deep breaths and I was feeling much better. I gave myself two more minutes before I opened the bathroom door and joined the party once again. The mood was tense, but Matthew was gone, and for that, I was extremely thankful. I never wanted to see him again, and after what happened between him and Devin, I didn’t think I needed to worry about that. I joined my group of friends in the corner and took the offered slice of birthday cake. “Poor Lilly. Her mom’s going to flip her shit when everyone leaves,” Anna said as she cut into her slice of cake. “You know how she hates when people cause a scene in front of her rich friends.” I did know. And I agreed … poor Lilly. But I couldn’t think about that. Not when my anxiety had reached epic proportions. I hadn’t been touched by a man since my dreaded prom night. I’d spent the past three years of my life avoiding all physical contact with the opposite sex. My body was wracked with pain and anguish. Not only did I land on the marble floor when Matthew fell back on me, which I knew would

leave a nice bruise on my fair skin, but I also had to endure the one thing I promised I’d never endure again. The touch of a man. It repulsed me, but at the same time, I yearned for more. It was twisted—sickening—demented. “Earth to Shannon.” Anna snapped her fingers in front of my face, making me jump. I shook my head and chuckled. “Sorry. I’m exhausted and out of it.” I’d known Anna for a couple of years, having met her through Lilly. She was the sweetheart of our group; her shoulder-length dark hair was curled into an adorable set of beach waves that framed her beautiful face, but it was her emerald cat eyes that stole the show. She was going to school to be a veterinarian, but we all worried she would be taken out by a large dog since most of them towered over her when they stood on their hind legs. Her laughter was infectious, and she jiggled a bit when she giggled. Simply stated, I adored Anna-banana. Things were different from when I was younger, and I actually had a group of friends now, thanks to Lilly. I never had many friends growing up. Life got better with age, but no matter how great things seemed, the past always followed you everywhere like a piece of damp toilet paper stuck to the

bottom of your shoe. “Do you guys think Lilly’s okay?” Erin asked. Erin was our number four. She was tall and bronze with long black hair. We called her our beautiful Indian friend, but she was made to be a plus-size model. There were six of us altogether. Lilly and me, of course. Anna and Erin, as well. But there was also Meg, who was the tall, statuesque blond in the group. She wasn’t your average golden vixen, though. She was different. We liked to call Meg “a fat girl stuck in a skinny girl’s body.” She might look like the cheerleader you’d love to hate, but she had the personality of the sweet, round band geek. Last, but never least, was Randy. He was the girlie one in the group, and the only one who was getting any action. Occasionally, he would bring around a new boy toy, but most of the time, he kept his love life at the gay club down the street from Franklin’s Jewelry store, which was the best place to have a good time in Charleston. We were close, but like most adults, we had jobs. Yet that didn’t keep us from getting together most Wednesday nights to have a few drinks and play board games. “I’m sure she’s fine,” Randy stated, sipping from his champagne glass like he was used to living the high life.

He wasn’t. None of us were, with the exception of Lilly. Her family was loaded, yet she lived the life of someone who had been raised like the rest of us. I adored that about her. She moved away from her parents and their money and was living in our tiny apartment while driving an old Honda. Her mom, on the other hand, was lavish, spending money constantly on things Lilly didn’t want. Lilly hated it, but I never complained when her mom had things shipped to our house. Lilly handed it off, and thanks to that, I had a wellstocked closet and expensive purses I would never be able to buy for myself. Things I never imagined owning. The night stayed mellow after the big fight, and I found a corner with my friends and stayed for the appropriate amount of time. When I got back to the apartment, I showered, feeling extra dirty from having been touched by a man, and then I went to bed. Sleep didn’t come right away, but when it did, I dreamed of sea blue eyes and caramel skin. I dreamed of fingertip touches and kisses. In my dreams, my fear of the opposite sex didn’t exist. Thankfully, in my dream world, I could enjoy being physical because, in the real world, being touched would never be okay. Not when my brain kept tossing terrible memories to the front of my mind.

THE FOLLOWING DAY SUNDAY, and I took the day to

WAS

visit my grammy. I drove to Somersby, the small town where I grew up, and during the hour-long ride, I listened to my music and drowned out the thoughts plaguing me lately. Things with Lilly had been different since her relationship with Devin seemed to be changing. She was the same, but she was changed. Not bad. Not good. Just different. I found myself thinking of ways I could stay gone. The thought of walking in on them again or running into Matthew had me terrified to go home. The place I was once comfortable in became a place I dreaded going to. I knew I could easily go to Lilly and ask her to keep males away from the apartment, but that meant explaining why it was an issue. Explaining why I had only pretended to be interested in men and sex throughout our entire friendship. It wasn’t something I was ready to discuss. So instead, I visited my grammy more, which was good, considering she was getting up in age and

needed more of my time. She had raised me after my birth mother, her only daughter, left me on their steps. I had no idea who my father was, and my mother had never returned home to her family after leaving. It was for the best. No better set of parents existed than my grammy and pop. I was given everything they were capable of and loved beyond measure. I was shown the extent of a near perfect marriage and the correct way to get through life’s struggles together. They’d been happily married for over sixty years. Pop used to say the trick to a long, blissful marriage was to treat your wife like it was the last time you’d ever see her … every day. He stuck to that, treating Grammy like she was a precious moment in time. At least that was what Grammy called it. “He treats me like I’m a precious moment in time, which makes sense since we’re all just passing through.” It was a sweet thought, and I always prayed I’d find a man who loved me and treated me the same, but I wasn’t about to hold my breath, considering how screwed up I was. But if I could never have the real thing, at least I grew up seeing the genuine love of my grandparents. There was no doubt about their affection for each other. You could see it in their eyes.

Then when I was sixteen, my pop had a massive heart attack and died, leaving me and Grammy devastated and alone in the world. Since then, Grammy and I had grown even closer. I pulled into the trailer park where I grew up. The long, narrow dirt road was still full of potholes, making my car dip and bump as I drove over them. Kids rode their rusted bikes alongside my car, taunting and laughing. I parked beside Grammy’s trailer, the fifth one on the right, and cut the engine. The place was neglected. The aluminum siding had long started to rust, leaving the beige trailer looking as if it had bled out and the blood had dried. The front door had a tiny diamond-shaped window, but you couldn’t see through it into Grammy’s living room because she kept a darkcolored rag tacked up to keep the sun out. Aluminum foil wrapped the windows, keeping her light bill down during the summer months and the cold air out during the winter. Her front porch wobbled when you stepped up the three wooden steps. It was no mansion, but it was paid for, and thanks to Grammy’s disability checks, she was able to cover the extras like electricity and water. I tapped on the hollow door, and the trailer shook with my knocking. “Come on in,” she called out, her voice carrying through the thin walls. Opening the front door, I heard the buzz of her

window unit, regulating the temperature in the tiny place to her liking. The inside was always dark, thanks to the aluminum foil on the windows, but with the darkness and the hum of her window unit, I was always able to get some of the best sleep. “Hey, Grammy,” I said, closing the sun out as I shut the door behind me. “Hey, honey, I’m glad you stopped by,” she said from her favorite recliner across the room. The small TV I had bought her was on, illuminating the tiny space. “Your pop should be home from work any minute now.” I paused, feeling sadness swoop in. "Grams," I said softly, kneeling next to her chair. "Pop’s gone ... remember?" Her hand turned over, and she squeezed my fingers. "Of course I do, hon, but he’ll be here any minute. Don’t you worry." Her attention never strayed from her program, and my heart ached to the point of tears. I wiped them away and stood. "Are you hungry? How about I make you something better than a microwave meal for dinner?" She finally looked up from her program and smiled at me. "Spaghetti?" she asked. Her eyes turned sad and dark, and I knew she was back again. "It was your pop’s favorite." Her voice faded away as she lost herself in her memories.

"Of course, Grams. I’ll make you spaghetti." I leaned over and kissed her on the head. The kitchen needed cleaning. Dirty dishes and old food cluttered the counters. Grammy always kept a clean house, and seeing it so filthy further let me know she wasn’t well. Clutching the laminate countertop, I stood at the sink and took a deep breath. Her episodes were coming more frequently. They didn’t last more than a few minutes, but I knew I would have to make a decision soon because I couldn’t leave her like this any longer. It hurt too much to know she was slowly forgetting everything about her life, and she was alone doing it. Cleaning while cooking, I managed to whip the small space into shape as the spaghetti bubbled on the stovetop. An hour later, the place looked the way it used to. I made her a plate, and we sat at the old table in the eat-in kitchen and ate dinner together. Within that time, she had two more episodes, both times talking about Pop as if he was still alive. She spoke as if the past five years hadn’t happened at all. After we were done eating, we watched a bit of TV. It wasn’t long until she was dozing off while sitting in her chair. "Let’s get you ready for bed, Grams," I told her, turning off her TV.

She nodded and groaned as she pushed herself up from her seated position. I helped her, and we walked together down the long, narrow hallway to her bedroom. She needed a bit of help undressing, and I assisted her when she got her nightgown stuck around her neck. It took us a bit, but finally, she was dressed for bed. "Will you comb my hair, Shannon? I have this monster of a knot in the hair on the back of my head, and I can’t reach it." She touched the back of her head, and her fingers combed through her graying hair until she found the knot. "Let’s see what I can do." I smiled at her, retrieving her brush from the bathroom. I brushed her long beautiful hair and had the knot out within seconds. She brushed her teeth, and I helped her to bed. The blankets were pulled up to her chest when I leaned over and kissed her softly on the forehead. Before I could pull back, she reached out and grabbed my hand. “I have something for you, Shannon,” she said, shocking me with her moment of absolute clarity. She hadn’t been this lucid throughout my entire visit. “Hand me the little porcelain box on the dresser,” she directed. I did as she told me, going across her bedroom and retrieving the tiny box. It had been on top of Grammy’s dresser for as long as I could remember.

She sat up in bed and popped the little top off. Reaching inside with a single finger, she pulled out a gold wedding band. “This is for you,” she said, setting it in my palm. “What is it?” Her face lit up with memories, and she grinned. “It’s your pop’s wedding band. He wanted you to have it.” My heart ached. “Gram, I can’t take this.” It belonged to her. It was the symbol of his love for her, and I knew without her saying it how much it meant to her. “You have to, hon. He told me himself he wanted you to have it. He said, ‘Iris, give this to Shannon when I’m gone, so she can give it to her precious moment when she finds him.’” Tears rushed to my eyes, and I nodded, accepting the gift even though I knew I would never have anyone to give it to. Setting the porcelain box back on her dresser, I tucked her into bed once again. And as if the moment of complete clarity never happened, she looked up at me and said, "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep? I get so scared when your pop works late." I swallowed, blinking hard to keep the tears at bay. "Wild horses couldn’t drag me away." Setting Pop’s ring on the bedside table, I climbed into bed with her and laid there long after

her breathing evened out and her soft snores filled the stillness of the trailer. I hadn’t meant to, but I let the comfort of home and the steady hum of her window unit lull me to sleep. I woke an hour later with a start. Turning to check on my grams, I found her sleeping soundly. I slowly climbed over her and out of bed. Leaning over, I kissed her forehead and then tiptoed out of the back room. I made sure everything was off and put away before I left the trailer and locked the door behind me. I wanted to stay the night with her, but I hadn’t brought anything with me, and since I had to be at work early the next morning, I had to get home. But I would be back to check on her. If I had to come over every day, I would until I figured out what to do. The drive back to Charleston took longer than usual. A three-car pileup had traffic moving at a crawl with brake lights visible as far as the eye could see. Since the thermostat in my car was crap, I was chilled. I spent the drive running over my options. It was obvious Grams couldn’t live alone anymore, but there was no way I could move back to Somersby. There was no work there. No opportunities. And even if I did move back, I would still have to hire someone to watch over her while I worked,

assuming I even found a job. No. That wouldn’t work. My only other option was to put her in a home. Maybe a place full of other older people so she could be social and feel alive, but those places were expensive, and the fact remained I had no way to pay for it. By the time I got back to the apartment, I was still clueless about what to do. I unlocked the door and walked into our place only to find Devin and Lilly going at it on the couch like a bunch of teenagers. Men. They were everywhere I turned, and I was over the entire scene. Even though it was truly disgusting, I found myself longing for what Lilly had, which made it ten times worse. I was so confused about everything in my life. All I wanted to do was shower and go to sleep, but by the time I was out of the shower, Devin was gone, and Lilly was sitting at the end of my bed waiting for me. “Sorry about that,” she said shyly. “We got a little carried away. You know how it is.” I didn’t, but I didn’t say that. Instead, I chuckled and shook my head with a forced grin. “No worries. It was hot,” I lied. “He just makes me so … I don’t know.” She ran

her palms down her face. “I can’t get enough of him.” I smiled, wishing I could understand that feeling but knowing I never would. Thinking of all the things I was going to miss— all the things he took away from me—pressed sadness against my chest. Love. A family. Children. All my precious moments. They were things I would never be capable of —things that would require physical intimacy. “I’m glad you’re happy,” I said. And I was. Lilly was one of the best people I knew, and she had endured just as much, if not more, in her life. She deserved happiness. “I am. I’m so happy it scares me. I think …” She paused. “No. I know I’m falling for him.” I wanted to tell her to run from those feelings as fast as she could. Roll army style away from the crazy, gripping the dirt with greedy nails until she was so far away from those feelings and the catastrophe of being around men. I wanted to warn her of all the bad things men could bring into your life, but I didn’t. Instead, I smiled and said, “He seems like a really nice guy.” And I guess in a lot of ways he was, but my distrust was too strong.

That night, I laid awake in bed. Unable to sleep, I tossed and turned until I finally gave up and started to play Tetris on my phone. My eyes grew heavy after an hour of watching the colorful blocks fall down my screen, and I felt myself drifting to sleep. Sleep was pulling me under when my phone lit up, igniting my room in a green hue. Its ringing blasted into the silence of my space, and I jerked awake. With blurry eyes, I poked at the screen until I pressed the connect button. “Hello?” I answered, my voice full of sleep. “Hi. Is this Shannon Daniels?” I leaned up onto my elbow, jarred by the desperation of the lady’s voice. “Yes. This is she.” “Oh, thank the Lord. My name’s Lois. I’m your grandmother’s neighbor. I found your number in the bottom of her purse.” My heart dropped, and my breath caught in my throat. “Yes, ma’am. What’s wrong?” “Well, it seems your grandmother got up for a late-night snack and burned her trailer down.” “Is she okay?” I whispered, the words feeling stuck to the sides of my mouth. “Yes. She’s fine. The firemen found her walking down the road in her nightgown looking for her

husband.” Tossing the covers back, I grabbed at clothes in a rush to dress. “I’m on my way,” I said into the phone before disconnecting the call. Slamming my drawers shut as I rushed accidentally woke Lilly up. She came to the door yawning and scratching the side of her face. “What’s going on?” she asked. “Where’s the fire?” I paused at her choice of words, feeling like my entire world was falling apart around me. “At my grandmother’s house,” I said. Her face paled. “Oh, my God. I’m sorry, Shannon. Give me two minutes to put some clothes on and I’ll go with you.” The interstate was empty, the long black asphalt looking like a highway of death, so the hour-long trip to Somersby was no match for my ninety miles per hour. Lilly gripped the little handle above the door the entire time with a stiff spine and a fearfrozen expression. Forty minutes after leaving my house, I made it to the small quiet town. When I pulled into the trailer park, I could barely get through since so many firetrucks occupied such a small space. Instead of trying, I parked on the side of the dirt road at the entrance and hopped out of my car. Lilly was right behind me as I ran toward my grammy’s trailer, and when I

got there, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was gone. All of it. Apart from the metal frame and the concrete blocks holding that frame, everything else was burned and dripping with water from where the firemen had tried to put the fire out. Loud crackling noises from the stuff still burning beneath her trailer filled the night air, and the smells of burnt aluminum stung my nose. All my childhood memories. Everything my pop and grammy ever owned. It was gone. And then I remembered Pop’s ring Grammy had given me earlier in the night, and the tears slammed into me so hard I moaned in pain. I’d left it on her bedside table. It was as if fate had pushed her to give me the ring on this night to keep it safe from the impending fire, and I had left it there to burn. My future. My precious moment. Our lives. Completely charred and turned to ash. My eyes scanned the area until they landed on Grammy. She was sitting inside the ambulance with an oxygen mask covering her face. I rushed to her, jumping into the back of the ambulance and taking her soot-covered hand.

“Grammy, what happened?” I asked, my voice sounding small and unsure. She was my mother. She had raised me, and I had almost lost her. She looked over at me, her aged eyes dazed and chaotic. “Find my Shannon,” she said in a panic. “She was sleeping in her room, and they can’t find her.” I pulled away, confused by her words. “She’s only ten years old. She’s still in there.” Tears sprang to her eyes. I pulled her to me and cupped the back of her head. She wasn’t okay. She hadn’t been okay for a long time, but I no longer had time to figure out my next move. I had to move now. “Shh,” I soothed her. “Don’t you worry about Shannon. She’s perfectly safe.” Lilly drove my car to the hospital, so I could ride in the back of the ambulance with Grammy. She cried the entire trip and worried about her husband and ten-year-old me. It hurt to watch her in the state she was in, but all I could do was hold her close and reassure her that everything would be fine. I couldn’t find it in my heart to tell her the truth that Pop and ten-year-old Shannon were long gone. I had to wait in the hall while they gave

Grammy a checkup, taking her blood pressure and measuring her oxygen levels. Once they finished examining her, the doctor came out and called me over to the side of the waiting room. “How is she?” I asked. I was stressed. My hair was piled on top of my head, and I was wearing a nice work top with skullcovered pajama bottoms and fuzzy boots. Needless to say, I looked a bit on the crazy side. I was in such a rush that I hadn’t paid attention to the clothes I grabbed. “As far as the fire goes, she’s fine. I assume she left before the fire was large enough to cause any physical damage to her. No smoke inhalation. No burns. There is a problem, however.” I paused, knowing exactly what he was going to say and dreading the moments that would follow from that point on. Nodding, I said, “I know.” “I’m afraid your grandmother is suffering from dementia. As I’m sure you’re aware, it’s usually a symptom of a more serious condition. Your grandmother can no longer live alone. I’m sorry, but you should consider having her put into a facility where she can receive proper care. I know it’s a lot, but it’s simply too dangerous for her to be alone anymore.” Tears rushed to my eyes, and I blinked them away. I had known, but I hadn’t realized how bad it

was. I thought I still had time, but apparently, I was wrong. “Thank you,” I said, swiping at a wayward tear before he could see it. He nodded, patted my arm, and walked away, leaving me with one of the hardest decisions I would ever have to make. I had to put my grammy in a nursing home. I had no way to afford it, and I knew it would break my heart, but I had to do it. It was for her own good. I couldn’t risk losing her.

FOUR MATTHEW

“I THINK YOU NEED TO GET LAID, MAN,” Jonathan said. “Look at your shoulders. You’re uptight, and the muscles in your right arm are bigger than your left.” He waved his finger at my body. “You’re jerking off too much.” Jonathan and I had been best friends for three years. We met at a charity event where my mother and his father were the ringleaders. We spent the night drinking his dad’s expensive scotch while our parents partied and rubbed elbows with some of the world’s richest. We had been inseparable ever since. When you saw one of us, the other wasn’t usually far behind. He was my wingman, my sidekick—the brother I never had—and when my back was against the wall, he was the one in front of me holding off the fight until I was loose again. We got into a lot of shit over the years. My indiscretions were not nearly as bad as his were, though. Where you might find me speeding or

gambling, his vice of choice was guns. If an AK-47 was anywhere on the streets of Charleston, you could be sure Jonathan’s fingerprints were on it somewhere. I never understood why he sold guns because it wasn’t like he needed the money, but then I’d remember the rush I got when I placed a large bet, and I understood. He was reclining in a deck chair sipping scotch from a crystal glass in a seven-hundred-dollar pair of Thom Browne swim shorts and Cartier sunglasses. Swept back from his face, his long blond hair was wet from a dip in the deck-top pool on his father’s two-hundred-foot yacht. If Jonathan was nothing else, he was definitely over the top. But the one thing he wasn’t was wrong. He was right. Since the night of Lilly’s party, I had been feeling off—uptight—angry. I thought getting revenge on Devin would make everything feel better, but it didn’t. All that night got me was fucked up nose, two black eyes, and a pissed-off mother once Mrs. Sheffield, Lilly’s mom, gave her a call. Rich women ran in packs like fucking chatty wolves, ready to gossip about and pick apart their prey. I should have known my mom would hear of it and bitch. She was always bitching about something. I was a grown man. Why the fuck was my mommy getting phone

calls like I was a third grader? It pissed me off. Still, I was feeling itchy and ready for a confrontation. “Pussy won’t fix this. I’m restless. I’m bored.” And I was. Life was getting monotonous. All my friends were settling down, career choices made, and lives figured out, but that wasn’t me. It wasn’t the life I wanted, but at the same time, I hated being behind the crowd. Jonathan was the only friend I had left who was still down to party. I wasn’t worried about him settling down anytime soon. “Pussy fixes everything, Matt.” He chuckled, taking another swig from his drink. Lounging in his chair, he directed his face toward the sky and let the sun bake him. “Listen,” he said without looking at me. “Have a drink and lounge in the sun. We’ll go to The Waterfront later tonight and bring a little party to Charleston. That’ll loosen you up a bit.” Sprawled out on Jonathan’s father’s yacht with a drink in my hand and the sun on my cheeks, I still couldn’t shake the feeling buried in my center. What was it I needed? I couldn’t figure that out, and it was strange for me since I usually had everything I wanted. I only knew that every now and again when I closed my eyes, a memory of scarlet hair and jade eyes

flashed through my mind. The entire situation with Devin had turned to shit, and I didn’t really accomplish anything besides pushing them together. One good thing did happen that night, though. I fell into the arms of the first woman to catch my attention in a long while. Having sex with the same type of girl was starting to bore me. She was different all around. Different body style, a different reaction to my flirting, but most importantly, she seemed disgusted by me, which was nice for a change. I was sick of ass kissers and money chasers. She was far from that. At least, the ass-kissing part. I had no clue if she was a paper chaser. But it didn’t matter either way. I wanted her. I was even considering stupid things like going back to the jewelry store to flirt, but I probably needed to stay away from that place. My revenge scheme hadn’t worked, and honestly, I’d lost a decent friend in Devin. I didn’t have many of those —Jonathan being the last friend I had left—so making another stupid move wasn’t in my best interest. “Why’s it so dead up here?” Curtis, Jonathan’s younger brother, asked as he climbed the stairs to the top deck. “I thought you boys would have planned a party for the weekend.” He was basically a smaller, younger version of Jonathan. Jonathan had been a football star in his

high school and had gone on to a prestigious college where he earned a worthless two-year degree, but Curtis hadn’t even done that. Like Jonathan and me, he lived off his family’s money. “Piss off, Curtis,” Jonathan said, lighting a cigarette and taking yet another pull from his glass. “No one wants to party with you. Every time we do, you piss yourself and pass out.” “Once!” Curtis shouted, sitting in the chair beside us. “I pass out one fucking time, and you refuse to let that shit go.” “Nope,” Jonathan said, popping the P with his lips. Later that night, we made an appearance at one of Charleston’s exclusive bars, The Waterfront. It was a nice piece of property, and The Waterfront bar had a good crowd. Square sectionals covered in weather-friendly tweed lined by industrial tables crowded the outside deck. Palm trees lit from their bases bordered the deck, backed by the Carolina sky and the famous Arthur Ravenel Jr. Bridge. The place was packed; people spilled out of the bar and onto the outside deck until the unseasonally humid air around us began to feel even more suffocating. I knew almost everyone there—all money and no morals. There was cash to be spent falling out of the pockets of the rich in hopes of showing off. I sat in the corner with Jonathan and Curtis, enjoying the occasional fall breeze sliding

off the water as it cut through the palms and skimmed my hair. Dangling a glass of scotch from my fingertips, I drowned the uneasy feeling inside with expensive alcohol and loud music. “Hey, Matthew,” Corrine purred in my ear. I hadn’t seen in her about two months, but she used to be my favorite late-night booty call. She was all tit, paid for by the last rich fuck she’d landed. “Hey, pretty girl, how have you been?” Opening my arms, I accepted her when she curled into my lap. Her skirt rode up her thighs, allowing a bit of ass cheek loose, and her expensive Valentino pumps dug into my leg. She was tiny, yet she was still a lap full. “I’m better now,” she said in my ear so I could hear her well. The music seemed to get louder with each passing hour. She flicked her wavy, brunette hair from her shoulder and bit her bottom lip sensually. “Seems I always make your night better, huh?” I grinned over my glass before I swallowed the rest of the brown liquid. It burned my throat, and I welcomed the sting. “You’re such a flirt.” She giggled, pushing at my shoulder.

“You love it.” They all did. “I know something I love more.” I knew, too. Sex. She wanted my cock, and she would get it. I patted the back of her ass and nodded toward the bathrooms. “You get a head start. I’ll meet you there in a bit.” She grinned and climbed from my lap. After she disappeared into the crowd, I swallowed the last of my drink. “Excuse me, gentlemen,” I said, standing from my chair. “Lucky fuck,” Jonathan muttered when I walked by. Corrine was waiting where I told her to wait, and I got straight to the deed, turning her around and flipping her skirt up over her naked ass. Dirty girls never wore panties. As I took her from behind in the women’s bathroom, the smacking of our bodies echoing loudly all around us, it occurred to me I was no longer enjoying sex the way I used to. It was a motion, an action that came so naturally to me that I sometimes did it without feeling. I fucked, literally, with my eyes closed until either I came or my dick went limp from trying for so long. Opening my eyes, I took in the area around us.

All luxury and straight lines. Marble countertops and fresh flowers. They even had a lounger couch in the corner like the women who pissed in their establishment needed a moment to gather themselves before the leaving the restroom. Who the fuck put a couch in their bathroom? Rich fucks. That was who. I left as soon as I pulled from Corrine’s body, leaving Jonathan and Curtis without even saying goodbye. I would never hear the end of that from them, but I was suddenly feeling suffocated by the bar lights and loud music. Even the thought of going to sit on the deck to feel the fresh air on my skin felt suffocating. The alcohol I had consumed throughout the day and night was souring in my stomach, making me feel nauseated and dizzy. Regret settled into my center, and my chest burned with guilt. I didn’t understand why I was feeling these things, but it was making my body stiff with emotions I never felt or understood. When the valet brought it around, I climbed into my silver Tesla, a gift I had recently purchased for myself, and peeled out of the parking lot. I was drinking and had no business driving, but I knew I could make it back to my house. I also knew that with the windows down, the fresh air rushing through my car would help to sober me. It was less than a ten-minute drive, and I wasn’t that

drunk. At least, I didn’t feel that drunk, but when an ancient Oldsmobile pulled out in front of me, I was too inebriated to turn my wheel quick enough. I clipped the back bumper of the old car with a loud crack. “Fuck!” I slammed my hand onto my steering wheel. As if the heavens were punishing me, a police officer was right behind me, and within seconds, his blue lights lit the night sky. Reflecting in my rearview mirror, the light filled my car and the perimeter around me with a blue hue. I blinked my eyes, the flashing making me dizzy. At least it wasn’t my fault. I jumped from my car, ready to argue. “Sir, please get back in your car!” a deep voice demanded from my side. Tugging my car door open, I fell back onto the heated leather seat and waited. Looking over, I was met by a tall, dark policeman standing over the side of my car and glaring down at me. “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?” he asked. “It doesn’t matter how fast I was going. That car pulled out in front of me.” “I’m going to ask you again. Do you know how fast you were going?” I sighed in aggravation. My brand-new car would be in the shop. I

would have to drive one of my other cars for a while until the damages were fixed. It was going to be a massive inconvenience. “I don’t know. Fifty or fifty-five?” I asked, unsure of how fast I was going. He chuckled, shaking his head and making a note on his little pad. “No. You were going seventy-five in a thirty.” I whistled, impressed I had gotten my new toy up to those speeds without even feeling it. “Seventy-five’s good, but I had her up to onetwenty last weekend. She drives like a dream,” I said, caressing my steering wheel similarly to the way I had caressed Corrine earlier in the night. The policeman wasn’t impressed. Just then, an older man climbed from the Oldsmobile, speaking with another police officer. “Of course!” I yelled. “He’s a hundred years old. Old people shouldn’t be allowed to have a license. They’re a menace to society.” “You know who else shouldn’t be allowed to have a license?” the policeman at my window asked. “Drunk people. Please step out of the car.” Within thirty minutes, I found myself chuckling drunkenly from the back seat of his patrol car as the tow truck driver pulled my brand-new hundredthousand-dollar car onto the bed of his shitty truck. “Hey!” I called out through the glass, beating on the window with my palm. “Watch it, buddy. If

you fuck up my car, I’ll kick your ass.” The officer smacked the window, startling me. “Knock it off, Mr. Ellis. If you break my glass, I’ll kick your ass.” I sobered up a bit on the ride to the police station. I wish I could say it was my first visit with them, but I would be lying. Honestly, over the years, I’d lost count of my run-ins with the police. It wasn’t that I was a troublemaker; it was that I didn’t really give a fuck about consequences all that much. I dreaded the phone call I had to make once I was at the station, though. I had gone almost six months without having to call her to bail me out, but I knew it was the only way. My mother entered the dirty police station as if she owned it. Her crisp white Giorgio Armani blouse made the room around her look dingy and faded. A matching handbag hung from her wrinkled wrist while her nose pointed at the ceiling, showing her superiority to everyone who looked at her. She moved past me to the front desk, demanding someone speak to her immediately. “I’m here for my son.” Her haughty tone cut through the lady working the front desk. I saw her plump fingers trembling when she pushed her glasses up her nose. “What’s your son’s name, ma’am?” Leaning closer to the counter, she brought her

nose down to whisper my name. “Matthew Ellis.” Feeling her embarrassment in my chest, I stood. “I’m right here.” My buzz was wearing off, leaving me with one hell of a headache and a turning stomach. Somehow, her being there seemed to intensify it all. “Really, Matthew? Drinking and driving is so beneath us. Why not call for a car?” I snorted and shook my head. “Or better yet,” she continued, “you could’ve called me, son. You know I would’ve been there to make sure you made it home safely.” I clapped slowly, enjoying the show she was putting on for the police station. The lady behind the counter looked away, ignoring the tension in the air around us. “Good show, Mrs. Ellis, but I’m afraid your stage days are long gone. You’re a little too old, and it’s a little too late to try to play the part of a good mother.” She hated when I talked about her past. She hated for me to remind her she was just a poor actress working on stage when my father scooped her up and gave her a life of luxury. But more than anything, she despised when I reminded her what a terrible mother she was. She moved across the room in my direction, closing the space between us so only I would hear her next words. A disgusted grin tilted her maroon

lips. “Aren’t you a little too old for childish games, Matthew? Calling on your mommy when you get in trouble like an errant child. It all disgusts me. The lavish parties and loose women. The outright nocare attitude toward your responsibilities to this family and its name? The Ellis family is a proud family, and your father is probably rolling over in his grave because of the things you do with your life.” I shook my head. She had gotten in her digs, as well. She knew I hated when she talked about my father. He was the only person in the world who really gave a shit about my happiness. My mother, on the other hand, threw some money on the problem to cover it up. Everything I had ever done in my life, she just brushed it under the rug without regard whatsoever to the reason I was acting up. Now, I was older, and I no longer needed her to cover my problems because, unlike her, I didn’t give a shit what others thought about my life and the way I chose to spend my time. “If Dad were alive, he’d probably join me. We both know how much he loved his lavish parties and loose women.” My cheek stung when her palm slammed into the side of my face as quick as a whip. The slap rang out around us, echoing off the concrete block

walls of the police station. Covering my cheek and feeling its heat against my palm, I laughed. Just another day. Another moment when she disregarded my feelings for her own embarrassment. She couldn’t give a shit less about me. It was always about perception and how everyone else perceived us and the way we lived. The money. The houses. Extravagant vacations. Everything was all for show. “How dare you disrespect your father’s memory that way? He was a good man, Matthew. Nothing like his son,” she spat. My heart ached with her hurtful words, but instead of showing my pain, I looked down at her with dark hate-filled eyes and turned away. She never knew my father. She only knew the man he pretended to be for everyone else. Behind closed doors, he was funny and caring. He put me first always. It was me. Followed by wet women and money. Then my mother. And she hated knowing that. She hated that he always chose everything else first. Maybe if she hadn’t always been a bitch, that

wouldn’t have been the case, but it was all in the past now, and I no longer needed her approval and love. I didn’t need anything from her. “Well, I hope you’re proud of yourself. You really did it this time,” she said, adjusting her bag on her wrist. “What do you mean?” “The old man you hit … he was a judge. The judge. And apparently after hitting him with your car, you insulted him by calling him old and saying he didn’t deserve a license.” I snickered, remembering saying that. “Yeah. Laugh it up, son. Unfortunately for you, we can’t buy your way out of this one. I hope you enjoy community service because that’s exactly what you’re getting.” She moved across the room toward the exit. “Wait.” I followed behind her, my Versaces squeaking on the cheap laminate flooring. “How do you know? We haven’t even talked to him.” She turned to face me, her eyes wide and her lips tight with anger. “You don’t own half of Charleston without having a little pull. I made some calls, but this judge you hit can’t be bought. Be glad you got off with community service and not jail time. And because of your little joke about the elderly, you’ll be serving that community service in a nursing home.”

I laughed, sure she was blowing smoke. No way would my mother ever be okay with me working at a nursing home. But when her face remained impassive to my laughter, I knew she wasn’t bluffing. “You’re serious?” I asked appalled. “They want me to wipe old lady ass because I had a little too much to drink?” She chuckled, covering her collagen-filled lips with the back of her hand. “It’s either jail time or ass wiping. You make the choice.” Before I could respond to her words, she turned on her heel and left me standing there with my mouth open in shock. She wasn’t fucking around this time. There would be no getting out of this punishment, and since the last thing I wanted was to spend time in jail, it was old lady ass for the win.

FIVE MATTHEW

IF ONE MORE OLD LADY IN A MUUMUU FLIRTED WITH ME, I was going to have to wash my eyes out with acid and take a bath in bleach. They were worse than gawking horny old men, and for once, I was the one being treated like a piece of meat they wanted to gum to death. The way they shuffled down the halls with their slippers sliding across the fresh floors I mopped on a daily basis. After so many days of that, it got to be annoying. I was never close to my grandparents, even though they had left me everything they had, so I had no idea how to deal with elderly people. They kind of freaked me out. To be around people so close to death really put things in perspective. My mom, even though she ran many charity events for the local hospitals and nursing homes in the area, was the same when it came to caring for people or cleaning up after them. It wasn’t for us. If anything, people cleaned up after us, and we both

knew when the time came that she would be well cared for by an in-home nurse. I wasn’t stupid, though; I knew not everyone could afford that. So there I was, cleaning after people less fortunate because I was stupid enough to drink and drive. I didn’t have to like it. I just had to do it, and so I did. Thankfully, I wasn’t wiping old asses. I didn’t think I could bear to see a bunch of wrinkled people naked. Instead, I was cleaning up after the elderly residents of the Twin Oaks Nursing home. I would be doing so for two months. It was what I had to do if I wanted to stay out of jail. In due time, things in my life would return to normal again, but until then, I played the hand I was dealt, which meant sweeping crumbs and mopping up piss accidents. Two months of that place was going to make me pull my fucking hair out. It was boring beyond belief, and the days dragged. Needless to say, when I became friends with Jermaine, the lead custodian, I was thrilled to have someone to talk to who wasn’t old enough to remember the Civil War. “Fuck you, man, I didn’t say I wanted to stick it to Ester. I was saying I saw a picture of her when she was young, and she was hot back in the day,” he said. He was sitting on the countertop swinging his short legs. His khaki uniform was smudged from

cleaning all day. He scratched at his tight cornrows and tossed a chip into his mouth. “Seriously. She was something to look at, man.” I laughed. We were on our second unauthorized break today, lounging in the kitchen area. “It’s hard to believe any of these people were ever young. I couldn’t imagine living like this.” He shrugged. “It’s not so bad. At least they’re content and fed properly. A lot of these people don’t have families. Imagine dying alone. This place keeps them from that lonely ending while making sure they’re as comfortable as possible.” Stuffing a cracker into my mouth, I chased it with a drink of my Pepsi. “Yeah, I guess so. All I know is, I hope I don’t live long enough to need someone to wipe my ass.” “Amen to that. My wife knows to put me out of my misery if I ever get to a point where I can’t care for myself.” I nodded. “Agreed. How long have you been married?” “Fifteen years and two beautiful daughters. Twelve and fourteen.” “Ouch. You’re in the fun years. Teenage drama and all that.” “Don’t I know it. Imagine living in a house with three hormonal women. There are days when I want to keep driving after work, but I love them.

They’re my world.” “Whatever works. I couldn’t imagine living with the same woman for fifteen years. I get bored after fifteen hours.” We laughed, and he shook his head. “The trick is to find the one you can’t go fifteen hours without. When that shit happens, you get all messed up. Before you know it, you’re buying rings and talking about the future. “ I snorted. “Nah. I’m good. I’ll leave that family shit to you and the rest of them. It’s not for me.” “If you say so.” He looked down at his phone and shoved it back into his pocket. “Shit. It’s time to get back to the front. This place ain’t going to clean itself.” I was exhausted. The last thing I wanted to do was more cleaning, but it made the time go by faster. We left the kitchen and walked toward the front of the building. Before getting back to work, we stopped at the front desk to check the cleaning schedule. I was looking over the sheet when Jermaine nudged me. “There she is, man,” he said, poking me with his meaty arm. I looked around, unsure of who he was talking about. “Who?” He nodded in the direction behind me. “Her.

She comes in here like once or twice a week. All curves and pretty green eyes.” I turned around and saw the girl from Lilly’s party walking toward us. A grin pulled at my lips. I had hoped I would run into her again, and there she was, turning down the exact hallway I was supposed to be headed toward. “You think she’s hot?” I asked. I’m not sure why it mattered, but knowing another man thought she was sexy was important to me. Almost like it made it okay for me to be attracted to a woman with a little extra meat on her bones. “Hell, yeah. Look at her ass and curves. I have a thing for thick women. More cushion for the pushin’,” he joked. I shook my head. “But I think she might like women, too. Every time I try to talk to her, she blows me off.” I shoved him in the arm. “Dude, why are you chasing women? You’re married with kids.” “I wasn’t. I was just trying to talk to her, but she wouldn’t give me the time of day.” I sniffed. “Speak for yourself. She’ll talk to me. I’ll get her to,” I said confidently. And I could. Of that, I was sure. Jermaine laughed. “You’re full of shit, Matt. She wouldn’t give you the time of day either.”

A challenge. Why was I so into being challenged? It was like all the other corrupt things I was into. Racing my car on the interstate. Gambling. Anything that gave me a rush. “Five hundred bucks says I can,” I bet. He looked at me like I was stupid. “Hell, no. That’s a week’s pay, and I have a family to support.” “What’s wrong? Afraid I’ll win?” “No. I’m not stupid enough to take chances with my rent money. Not everyone has Momma footing the bill.” I sighed. “Fine. Loser mops the main hall?” He laughed. “Now that’s a bet I can wrap my head around.”

SIX SHANNON

LEAVING MY GRAMMY AT THE NURSING HOME was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. She literally had nothing since everything had burned in the trailer, and with the exception of me, no one else gave a damn about her. Knowing she only had me made it even harder to leave the building and go to my car. A few months at Twin Oaks was paid for in advance, thanks to some savings Grammy had and a small insurance claim on her old trailer, but I knew how quickly time would fly by. I needed to be able to cover the costs once the payment was due again. I had no idea how I would do that, but it wasn’t as if I had a choice. A second and a third job might be my only options. I knew Lilly’s family had money, but I couldn’t find it in myself to ask her. I was too proud. So instead of even mentioning it to Lilly, I tucked the stress of money down deep and worked whenever

Mrs. Franklin needed me to work. On slow days, I would sit at the front counter and search for jobs on my phone, hoping to at least snag one more that paid decently. The good thing about Lilly having a new boyfriend was she worked less, using up tons of vacation time she had accrued. Not that I didn’t want to be around her, but the less she worked, the more hours I got. The more hours I got, the more money I brought in. So that was what I did. I worked and visited Grammy whenever I could. With Lilly being gone a lot, it wasn’t like I had anything else to do anyway. The rest of my friends had jobs and lives, and I didn’t want to bring them down with my drama and depression. On my next day off, I stopped by Maribelle’s, a café close to work, and got myself a salted caramel Frappuccino. Located in North Charleston, Twin Oaks was much closer to my job and apartment than Somersby was. Instead of driving an hour to visit Grammy, she was only twenty minutes away. I sipped my Frappuccino on the ride over to the nursing home and tossed the empty cup in the trash can by the front entrance of Twin Oaks. My boots clicked against the floor as I made my way to the front desk. “I’m here to see Mrs. Iris Daniels,” I told the

young girl behind the front desk. She looked about my age, maybe a year or two older. “One second,” she said with a smile as she turned and grabbed the sign-in paper, setting it on the counter in front of me. She was pretty, much skinnier than I was, and her brown hair was perfectly curled. Her makeup was gorgeous, and I imagined she spent a ton of her downtime making YouTube videos about makeup application. Scribbling my name on the sign-in sheet, I handed the paper back to her. “Room three hundred. Turn down the first hall on your right and it’s about ten doors down.” I already knew that, but still, I said, “Thank you.” I tapped the top of the counter before turning toward Grammy’s room. The long hallways of Twin Oaks were brightly lit. While the place had a somewhat comfortable, homey feel, the smell of antiseptic still stung my nose. A sage green decorated the walls, but the tile floor was still hospital grade and ancient. The place used to be the old hospital before the new one was built. That was before I was even born, and while they had upgraded and renovated, you could still feel the age of the building. It was that way with a lot of Charleston buildings. The

places were old—rooted—stained with the past and wrinkled with time. Old beauty. It was the only way to describe Charleston. My boots squeaked with my steps as I moved into a part of the hallway that had recently been mopped. A tiny yellow sign warned me the floor was wet, and the smell of bleach stung my nose. I smiled, thankful the place my grammy was living in was at least clean. As long as I pointed out the good things about Twin Oaks to myself, I could almost forget how badly I felt about leaving her in a nursing home with a bunch of strangers. It was a last resort. One I hoped to rectify at some point when I could afford to do so. The rooms I passed had elderly people sitting in their chairs. Most of them stared out the windows like they missed the world they left behind. The more rooms I passed, the worse I felt, knowing Grammy was probably doing the same as she waited for me to visit. Room three hundred was the next door I reached … Grammy’s room. I stepped up to the doorway to find her sitting in her chair reading a book. A content smile upon her lips, she hummed softly as she turned the page. Interrupting felt wrong, but I knew she would be just as happy to see me as I was to see her.

Tapping on the doorframe, I smiled when she looked up from her book. “Hey, Grammy. What are you reading?” I asked as I moved into her room. She turned the old paperback to show a cover with a couple embracing. Grammy loved to read, but only the smutty historicals you could grab from the consignment shop for ten cents. If the storyline featured a duke or an earl, she was on board. “Reading that smut again, I see,” I joked, sitting on the stool beside her reading chair. She chuckled as she stuffed her bookmark between the pages and set the book down. The paper-thin skin on the top of her fragile hands showed all the blue veins and age spots. Her white hair was placed in a perfect bun on top of her head. She had super long hair, but only I knew that since she never took it down around anyone else. “Oh, hush. You know how much I like my love stories.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief. More like I knew how much she liked to reread the dirty parts. “I’m glad you stopped by. I haven’t seen you in months. Where have you been hiding?” she asked, picking up her remote to flip through the channels. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I’d been by to visit her just three days before. Instead, I reached out and tugged at the new top she was wearing. I’d brought it for her the last time I’d visited since all

her clothes had been burned. My goal was to bring her in a new piece of clothing each time I stopped by. This time, I had bought a new nightgown. It was pink with tiny flowers. My grammy loved pink. “This looks nice on you, Grammy. Do you like how it fits?” I asked. She hugged herself and smiled. “Oh, yes. The fabric is lovely. I got it years ago at a boutique in Charleston. It’s one of my favorites.” Tears rushed to my eyes, and I turned away before they spilled down my cheeks. “Well, isn’t that nice,” I said, keeping the broken sound out of my voice. “So any plans for today? Are the nurses here putting together some fun for the weekend?” The weekend before, the nurses and caretakers had put together bingo in the main room. Everyone joined, played bingo, and ate snacks. It was a hit, and Grammy won a handmade scarf. “No, dear, my husband has big date plans this weekend. Our daughter is staying at a friend’s house, and I’m supposed to wear something pink. He loves me in pink.” That was how my visit continued. Me trying to discuss recent topics and Grammy believing she was thirty-five again. She talked about Pop as if he was still a young stud and my mother as if she was still a rebellious teenager. She never even mentioned me or looked at me as if I were familiar.

When I said my goodbyes, I did so holding back the dam of tears that threatened to break at any second. I closed her room door and quickly wiped away a lone tear that had escaped. Making it to my car so I could have my moment became crucial. Crying around a bunch of strangers wasn’t an option. I moved fast down the hallway, ready to get out of the building before everything came crashing down on me. A short hallway, a long hallway, and then the exit. I could make that easily. I turned the corner onto the second hallway, slamming into a large, warm body. It was more like running face first into a heated brick wall. His stomach was so toned I could feel his six-pack pressed against my front. I froze as long, strong fingers wrapped around my upper arms, pulling me against him and holding me in place. My eyes followed the buttons up the front of his shirt until a tanned neckline and a strong, sexy jawline were all I could see. Dark hair lined his chin and luscious lips, and his nose was incredibly perfect and symmetrical. Then my eyes fell into his aqua blue irises, and I gasped. Matthew Ellis. Again, we had somehow managed to be pressed together, and my body was celebrating with shivers and warmth.

“Whoa,” he said, grinning so hard the dimple in his cheek winked at me. I pulled from his grasp, accidentally slamming into the wall behind me. “You again.” He moved closer to me, pulling all the oxygen around me away. “We really have to stop running into each other this way.” When I didn’t respond, he chuckled softly. The deep and erotic sound rasped against my skin even though he wasn’t as close as before. “Or we can keep bumping into each other if you’d like. I think I’d like to bump into you in more ways than one.” He moved even closer, and I held my breath as a mix of fear and desire crashed over me. Again, I found myself rushing into an anxiety attack because he was near me while secretly wanting him closer. He reached up, his fingers capturing a curl of my hair resting against my shoulder. He rubbed his fingers together, feeling the texture of my hair while he watched the curl fall apart. “Lost your tongue?” he asked, his own tongue peeking out and swiping across his full bottom lip. “You don’t have anything to say to me, Red?” I blinked up at him, my tongue stuck to the top of my mouth and my jaw clenched. Speaking was beyond me, and even though words bubbled up to the back of my throat and rolled across my tongue,

they became trapped. His fingers moved once again, fingering yet another of my curly strands. This time, his knuckles brushed against my cheek, and I slammed my eyes closed as I tried to curb my mixed emotions. Fear. Desire. Anxiety. And a rush of excitement that flew through my body like lightning. My tongue released itself, and my voice came out broken and rusty. “My name’s not Red,” I snapped. His grin deepened. “But it’s perfect for you. What’s your name?” “Shannon.” “I think I like Red better.” I sighed, more from him being so close than from aggravation, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. “What are you doing here?” I asked. His eyes moved from the strand of hair he was fingering until he was looking me in my eyes. Blue. His eyes were so cerulean they blazed against his dark skin and dark hair like a flashing warning sign. A warning sign I knew to take to heart. “Visiting someone. And you?” “The same.” I tugged my hair from his fingers

and moved to step around him. “Well, it was nice to run into you again, but—” He blocked me, his palm resting against the wall beside me and caging me in. “You don’t like me very much, do you?” Looking around, I took note of the fact we were somehow completely alone in a long hallway of closed doors. I could have sworn all the doors were open before, but it wasn’t like any of the old people in the rooms would be able to do anything to help me if he tried something I didn’t like. My heart drilled inside my chest, the sound of its pounding echoing in my ears. “I don’t know you.” And it was the truth. I didn’t know him, but I did know he was one of the most attractive men I had ever laid eyes on, and something about his body spoke to mine. As if they had some secret silent language that pulled me to him like a magnetic signal. “And isn’t that a shame.” His grin grew, the dimple taunting me yet again. “We should fix that.” “Let me pass,” I demanded, not feeling any of the authority I heard in my voice. “I don’t have time for your childish games, and I have errands to run.” It was a lie. I was really going to go home and take a freezing shower until my mind decided to work

properly and my body had a few minutes to cool down, but he didn’t need to know what he did to me. He didn’t understand the memories he made rush to the front row of my memory or that my body was being a traitor by feeling things my mind found utterly disgusting. “Childish games?” He shook his head and chuckled. “Go out with me.” It wasn’t a request; it was a demand. “No.” I moved again to step around him, yet he blocked me again. “Why not?” “Because I don’t know you,” I stressed. “Yeah, but Lilly kind of does. You trust her, don’t you?” “Yeah. I’m pretty sure she never wants to see you again after the drama at her mom’s house.” He chuckled. “That’s wasn’t me. That was Devin. Now again … go out with me.” So much pressure. “What is this?” I asked, unsure of his reasons for wanting me to go out with him. He was gorgeous, rich, and flirty. I was positive getting dates wasn’t a problem for him, yet he was chasing after me, who, if I were honest with myself, had a little too much tummy and uneven skin. “This is me asking you on a date. So what do you say? Want to go out with me?”

“But why me?” I was sure I sounded stupid and insecure, but I really wanted to know what it was about me that made him think going on a date with me was a possibility. His eyes dipped to my lips before connecting with my eyes again. His blue orbs were so mesmerizing I felt like I was drowning. Cliché much? “You really want to know?” he asked. I nodded. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.” His ran his fingers through his thick, dark hair and shook his head. “Because I know going out with me is the last thing in the world you want to do.” His answer confused me, and I was sure he could see that confusion in my expression because he chuckled. “So because I don’t want to go out with you, you want to go out with me?” He nodded. “Yep.” “That makes no sense.” “It does to me.” “Why not ask out someone you know wants to go out with you?” “Where’s the fun in that?” He shrugged. “And you think going out with me would be fun?” “Yes.”

“But why? I’m super boring, I assure you.” And I was. I liked to read, and on occasion, I sewed. I wasn’t a heavy drinker, and I hated dancing. I was the most boring person I knew. “Because I always go out with women who want to go out with me. It’s not exciting. You, on the other hand, you’re not falling for any of my bullshit. It makes me want to see what makes you tick. You’re a mystery I want to solve.” “Well, I’m sorry. You’re going to have to find another woman who’s not interested in you.” He laughed, his head falling back and his face lighting up. “You’re not attracted to me at all, are you?” Lies. I was full of them these days, and when I opened my mouth to answer his question, yet another one slipped out. “I’m not trying to be mean or anything. It’s just … you’re not my type.” His mouth dropped open in shock. It was as if he couldn’t fathom a woman not finding him attractive, which made total sense. I was sure he had yet to meet one, and I wasn’t even sure one existed. I didn’t know what my type was since I hadn’t given it much thought, but standing there staring at him and feeling the way my body was reacting to him, he was definitely it. I was too

attracted to him. It wasn’t safe for my sanity. “You do realize I’m not going to give up until I get what I want?” His confidence made him even sexier. “I wish you would,” I said, honestly. I wasn’t like most girls. I wasn’t enjoying his flirting, and he wasn’t making me feel good about myself. He was making me feel worse since I knew every time I turned him down, it was because I was broken beyond repair. “I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises.” He grinned, and I felt the heat in my panties intensify. “You should probably get over your obsession with me,” I said sarcastically, earning laughter from him. His eyes sparkled down at me as if he was really enjoying our conversation. I wasn’t. “My obsession, huh?” “Yep.” I moved to go around him, and this time, he moved out of my way. “Well, it was nice seeing you again. Enjoy the rest of your day,” I said as I moved away from him and started toward the exit. “You, too,” he said from me behind me. “I’ll see you again real soon, Red.” Not if I had anything to say about it. Staying away from him was a good idea, which

meant I could only hope the next time I visited Grammy, he wouldn’t be there. Visiting her wasn’t something I would stop doing, though. Even if he was there every time. Even if running into him left me feeling hung over from a bad high. It wasn’t until I reached my car, got inside, and closed the door behind me that I realized I wasn’t almost in tears anymore. He had managed to take my mind off Grammy for a very limited time. He would never know it, but he had done me a huge favor. I drove away with the smell of his cologne on my shirt and a smile on my face.

SEVEN MATTHEW

I WATCHED HER WALK AWAY, her thick hips swaying with each step, and I knew the fact I had to have her no longer had anything to do with my bet with Jermaine. I’d known it since the night of Lilly’s birthday party. The second my body pressed into her heat and I’d lost myself in her long red waves. My want was ten times worse after talking to her in the hallway. She refused a date with me, and it was like a shot of something strong to my ego, and I liked it. Her turning me down had left me hot and bothered—my cock throbbing like it hadn’t in a long while—and my mind swam with all the dirty things I wanted to do to her lush body. I was pissed about being forced to do the community service at the nursing home, but I was also embarrassed, which was why I lied to her about why I was there. Knowing she would be visiting someone at Twin Oaks made it a lot easier to deal with my punishment, though, because I

would see her again. As long as I was at the nursing home, the chance of running into her again was high. My community service became thrilling—a wild ride I couldn’t wait to jump on. Red did that to me. She made me feel urgent with need and ready to pounce. I followed behind her, stopping at the front desk where Jermaine was sitting, and watched her through the front window as she made her way across the parking lot. She ran her fingers through her luscious scarlet locks and dug in her purse for what I assumed were her keys. She was wearing brown ankle boots and maroon tights that hugged every curve of her legs like a fucking dream. Her top was green, which made the color of her hair pop even more. I liked her style—that she knew how to dress her voluptuous body so perfectly to allow me and every other man she passed see her thick frame and what I was slowly realizing was a gorgeous body. Round and tight and flowing with curves I wanted to speed around. Jermaine was right. If a little of something was good, more was better. Shannon had more of everything, and I wanted to sample every inch. “Told you so,” he said, leaning his back against the front desk and crossing his ankles in front of him.

He laughed when I shook my head and exhaled. “She’s a hard one to crack. Probably got a boyfriend already. I wouldn’t stress about it, Matt.” He shrugged. I hadn’t even thought to ask her about another man, but the truth was, it didn’t matter to me. She was mine for the taking regardless of who had staked their claim on her. “She’s just playing hard to get,” I said. Jermaine laughed harder, his head falling back. “You’re delusional, man. You ain’t getting none of that.” I shook my head, my cheeks aching with my smile. “She wants me. I can feel it.” It was a lie. I was certain she wasn’t playing hard to get. That she really did want me to leave her be. Yet every time she was snappy with me, basically telling me to leave her the hell alone, another challenge was laid down for me. She didn’t want me, but she would, and her surrender would be sweeter than any other woman because of that. “Whatever you say, man. Have fun mopping the main hall. I’m going to take a nap in the break room while you do my work.” He laughed as he walked away. “Fucking slacker,” I joked. He flashed me a peace sign.

“Double or nothing the next time she’s here,” I called out to him. He turned, walking backward to his destination with a huge grin on his face. “Deal. Next time, you’ll mop the front hall and clean the visitor’s bathroom.” Over my dead body would I clean a toilet. The next time she came to visit, she was as good as mine. You had to be patient with women like her, and luckily for me, I was the most patient man I knew.

FOUR DAYS WENT BY, and in that time, I did everything I was supposed to do. Mopped hallways, changed bed sheets, and fixed things as if I were a fucking repairman. One lady had somehow managed to pull off her door handle. She was eighty. How the fuck she managed to have the Hulk-like strength, I’d never know. I used a drill for the first time in my life thanks to her. The entire time I worked, I patiently waited for Red’s next visit. I knew if I could get one more shot at asking her out, she would land in my palm. That thought helped push me through the manual labor and urine smells. It wasn’t easy, but I had to do it. Besides, there were worse things than cleaning.

Things like jail and the possibility of being ass raped by a big fucker named George. I was lucky to get out of jail time, so I considered myself a winner every time I unclogged a toilet. A few days later, working at the nursing home was starting to take its toll, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I would last. Jermaine had me taking the trash out, so for over an hour, I tapped on room doors, went inside, and changed out used trashed bags for new ones. It was gross. It was tedious. And at that moment, I almost gave up. I was rich beyond belief. I didn’t have to work. I was done cleaning up after the elderly. “Come on in,” the lady behind the door in room three hundred called out. I pushed the heavy door, and it creaked open. Inside was comfy. Somehow, the lady who stayed in this room was able to make the infirmary feel go away completely. A crocheted throw laid across her bed, and a comfy chair with a lamp was beside it in the corner. The room even smelled different. Instead of the antiseptic odor of the nursing home, it smelled like apple pie and cinnamon. “I’m here for your trash,” I said, stepping deeper into her space. “Well, get on in here, handsome. Let’s have a

look at you then.” There she was, sitting at the head of her bed with a grin on her face. The gray pants and the flowery top she was wearing were different from the other ladies who wore gowns all the time. It was as if she wasn’t ready to let go of living yet. She had a touch of pink lipstick on and her hair looked as though it had recently been rolled, puffs of hair clouded around her head like a halo. The white lengths fell far down her back and into the pillow behind her, hiding her hair’s true length. “Oh, my. You are a handsome guy. Did you come here to ask me on a date?” I chuckled as the older lady took me off guard. I was used to the old women at Twin Oaks gawking and incoherently saying lewd things, but this lady seemed to know exactly what she was saying. “No, ma’am, I came to take out your trash.” “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” She chuckled. I snorted. “I’m afraid not. When I say trash, I actually mean trash.” I moved deeper into the room, flapping the new trash bag as I tried to open it while I looked for her trash can. “Well, that’s a pity. I haven’t had a date in a long while.” She patted at her hair and fingered the white waves with her wrinkled fingers. The pink color painted on her nails matched her lips.

“Is that so?” I asked, playing along. “That’s a shame.” “It sure is. I was hoping a nice-looking fella like you could rectify my sad situation.” She adjusted herself in bed as if she was posing to look sexy. I laughed. I’d never seen anything so ridiculous and cute in all my life. “Mrs. …” I started. “Davis. It’s Miss Davis.” I shook my head, feeling myself blush, which was something I hadn’t done since I was a boy. “Miss Davis, I’m flattered, truly, but I’m no good for you, babe.” I didn’t want to be rude. The least I could do was let her down gently. “The best ones never are.” At that, I laughed again. She was something else. “We can be friends though, right?” I asked. She sighed, a flirty grin transforming her aged face. “I suppose. You can’t have too many friends, I guess.” “That’s definitely true. Now, where’s that trash can so I can do my job? I’ll get kicked out of here if they find out I’m in a lady’s room flirting in the middle of my shift.” She giggled, her voice sounding much younger than she was.

Reaching over the side of her bed, she pulled up her trash can and held it out to me. “I hid it. It was my way of keeping you for a while.” I chuckled and waved my finger at her. “Naughty girl, Miss Davis.” “Iris,” she said. “You can call me Iris.” I took the full bag out of her trash can and tossed it into a larger trash can waiting in the hall. Resting the new bag inside her can, I pulled the edges over and set it by the door. “There. That didn’t take too long, now did it?” I said, checking to make sure she didn’t have any other trash lying around. “Not nearly long enough, I’d say.” I worked my way back to her door, ready to move on to the next room. “Okay, Iris, I’ll see you next time. You be good now.” She chuckled, her head falling back with her laughter. “Never.” I closed the door behind me with a smirk. Miss Davis had made my day. I went into her room feeling like shit, but after talking with her, I was feeling much better. She made me laugh, and that was never a bad thing. I strutted down the hallway, wishing I was done for the day and ready to get back to the real world when Red came around the corner. She was looking

at the pictures on the walls as she passed, not paying attention to the path in front of her. Once she was close enough to walk into me, I stopped, letting her run right into my chest. She was taller than most girls, but I was taller than most men, so her forehead bumped into my chin. “Oh, my God! I’m so …” She stopped her apology when her eyes met mine. “You again,” she breathed. I grinned, loving her unhappy response at seeing me. “Yep. Me again.” “Are you following me? Because if so, I should probably warn you that I can take down a man with one finger.” She was serious, her face emotionless. I couldn’t help myself. I laughed. Women had threatened me with a great many things. Most of them pleasurable. But not Red. She was sticking to the game. Staying strong and fighting my charms. I loved it. “With one finger, huh?” She nodded. “Yep.” “Damn. If you can do that with one finger, I can only imagine the things you could do with your entire hand. Better yet, your mouth.” Her eyes widened, and a pretty pink blush covered her face, making her freckles darken.

“You’re disgusting.” She moved to go around me, but I stepped in her way. “Go out with me.” She sighed and rolled her eyes. “I really don’t have time for this.” She would give in at some point. She couldn’t resist me forever. “Go out with me,” I repeated. She looked up at me, her light green eyes moving over my face before landing on my lips. I licked my bottom lip, and her eyes jerked back up to mine. She wanted me. I knew women, and I knew regardless of what she was saying, her body and reactions were speaking a different language. One that begged to feel me. “No.” She moved quickly, going around me before I could block her path, and I let her go. “You’ll give in at some point. They all do.” With her back to me as she walked away, she chuckled sarcastically. “I’m not they.” She was right about that. She was nothing like the rest, but I knew myself, and I always got what I wanted. Currently, I wanted her. Heading back toward the front of the building, I was caught once again by Jermaine leaning against the front counter. He snickered, having heard my

conversation with Red. “Damn, bro, mopping the front hallway and cleaning the visitor’s bathroom. It’s going to be an easy night for me.” He laughed as he walked away. “Wear gloves in there, man. Those toilets are nasty,” he called out. “Next time,” I yelled. “Next time, I’ll get her.” His laugh echoed down the hallway. “Want to bet kitchen duty on that?” he called out. I had no self-control. I was a stickler for a good bet. Especially if I knew I could win it. “If I strike out next time, I’ll do kitchen duty, but if I win, I get a day away, and you sign my community service sheet. Deal?” Again, he laughed, shaking his head at the fact that I refused to give in. “You’ve got yourself a deal, man.” And then he was gone, walking around the corner to do whatever the hell it was he did. I leaned against the front desk and mentally prepared myself for my next run-in with Red. I needed a plan. Obviously, she wasn’t going to fall for my usual game, which meant I needed to step it up. The next time I saw her, it would be on. But until then, much to my dismay, I had a bathroom to clean. A bet was a bet.

EIGHT SHANNON HE WAS ALWAYS THERE. Always stalking the halls like a ghost waiting to haunt me. Did he live at Twin Oaks? Almost every time I visited, which was two to three times a week, he was there taunting me. Teasing me. Making me think of things I had no business thinking of. My body reacted. My mind twirled with sick and desired thoughts. It was annoying. Visiting Grammy should be the highlight of my day. A time without the stress of my past. A time when my brain and body were on the same page. That wasn’t happening. Seeing him confused me and made me feel lost. He gave me an emotional beating, stretching my anxiety and nerves to their limits. He was a physical challenge, working my muscles past the point of straining until I felt as if something would snap at any second.

On the days I ran into him, I would leave Twin Oaks emotionally tender and physically exhausted. My mind and body ran marathons whenever he was near, losing the ultimate race every time he said go. Once I was away from him, I sprinted down the hallway to Grammy’s room and burst into her space without knocking. I felt as if I was being chased, as if he was following me. And the desire to run away was potent. “Can I help you?” Grammy asked, standing from her reading chair. She looked nice. Her hair was down and wavy, and she wore one of the nice outfits I’d picked up for her the last time I visited. Pink dotted her lips, and her nails were painted as well. I was thrilled to see her up and moving around, focusing on living and feeling alive. Even if that meant a bit of lipstick and a stroke of polish on her thick fingernails. “Hey, Grammy, how are you today?” I moved farther into her room. She squinted at me as if I were familiar but she couldn’t quite place me. I smiled to hide the pain. “It’s me, Grammy. Shannon.” She didn’t believe me at first, but then her face lit up, and she smiled so wide I could see the chip in her dentures. She shuffled across the room toward me with her arms open wide. “Hey, honey, get yourself over here and give

me a hug. I haven’t seen you in months. Where have you been?” I hugged her, her feeble arms squeezing the best they could. “I’ve been around. How are you feeling today?” “Oh, I’m feeling well enough, I reckon. My back’s been giving me a time, and the arthritis in my hands is making crocheting harder than it should be, but I’m here, so I suppose I can’t complain much, huh?” She chuckled. “No, I suppose not. What have you been up to? Anything exciting happening around Twin Oaks?” I set my purse on her bed and took a seat. I had her for almost thirty minutes before her disease pulled forward. And in that time, we talked about missing Pop and losing everything in the fire. It was almost as if the sadness of all she had lost sent her to her happy place. A place where she was young and had nothing to worry about. It crushed me. “My friend stopped by today,” she said with a secret glint in her eyes. “Your friend?” I asked, grinning along with her. “Since when do you have a friend in here?” “Oh.” She waved her hand like it was nothing. “He stops by every now and again to flirt and chat. And the way he says my name, Iris Davis, just makes my heart sing.”

Iris Davis? She hadn’t been Iris Davis in over sixty years. Not since she married Pop and took his last name … Daniels. I knew then there was no friend. She was talking out of her head. Her sickness making her imagine a gentleman coming by and flirting. It was sad, but I let her continue without interrupting. “He has the most gorgeous dark hair. And his eyes.” She sighed. “They are what dreams are made of.” I sat and listened as she described the perfect man, knowing he didn’t exist. Knowing she was making herself happy with unreal thoughts. And when I crept from her room, I did so only after she had dozed off in her chair. Defeat ran rapidly through my body as I took the long hallway toward the exit of Twin Oaks. In the end, things were no worse than they had been the week before, but for some reason, the load of everything going on around me felt heavier. Going back to the apartment to sleep sounded ideal, but I was scheduled for a six-hour shift at Franklin’s, which meant I was going straight to work from the nursing home. Needing a mirror to check that I looked decent for work, I stopped off at the visitor’s bathroom. My reflection was foggy in the large mirror on the side of the room, but I used it anyway to adjust

my clothes and check my makeup. I was about to leave when one of the stall doors swung open and Matthew walked out. He moved across the room and washed his hands in the sink with a disgusted look on his face. Of course! Of course, he would be in the restroom. He was every-freaking-where. I wanted to bolt into the closest stall and disappear until he left, but he turned for a paper towel to dry his hands, and his eyes landed on me. A tiny grin pulled at his lips, and his blue eyes sparkled with mischief as he ran the towel across his damp fingers. He tossed the used paper towel in the trash can and stalked my way. “Using the ladies’ room? Is that usually how you find your women?” I asked He chuckled. “Whatever works, right?” I couldn’t help it as my lips lifted into a smile, as well. “Matthew?” “Yes, Red?” “Why are you in the women’s bathroom?” He looked around, his eyes scanning the space. “This isn’t the men’s room, is it?” I snorted. It was unattractive and embarrassing, but his grin grew. “Was it the lack of urinals that gave it away or

me standing here?” He laughed. “A little of both, I think.” “You’re ridiculous.” He moved closer. “Maybe I am.” “I’m starting to see you more than the person I’m here to visit,” I said. “Maybe subconsciously you’re here for me.” I chuckled. “Not likely.” At that, he laughed. “God, Red, you’re so refreshing.” His eyes moved from my face and down my body. I shifted on my feet and tugged my shirt down over my thighs, suddenly feeling very insecure with myself. “Why are you always around? What is it you want from me?” I backed away closer to the door. The way he was looking at me made me feel hunted. He moved closer, his brow lifting at my question and his dimple popping with his calculated smirk. “You want me to be honest?” he asked. “Honesty is usually best.” He ran his fingers through his dark hair and sighed. Then he settled his gorgeous blue eyes on me, and his grin melted away as a serious expression took its place. His eyes moved over my face before landing on my mouth. As if he imagined the way I tasted, he licked his thick bottom lip

before catching it with his teeth. He moved closer, and I backed away until my shoulders were against the bathroom wall. He moved into me, and my body went stiff with the friction of his front against mine. He was in my space, and I wasn’t sure if I hated it or loved it. Panic rushed through me, and my heart began to beat furiously between my thighs. He breathed me in, and when he exhaled, his breath rushed over my cheek and down the side of my neck. “I want to climb inside you. Feel you all over me.” He pressed against me, the heat of his body sending chills down my front. “I want to make you come. Watch you come apart all over me. Look at your expression when you finally let go of the tension in your shoulders and melt for me. I want to give you pleasure, Red. I get hard just imagining it.” He reached up, capturing a curl resting against my shoulder. Picking it up, he rubbed it between his fingers and stared down at it. “This is me being honest. I want to fuck you. No strings. No extra bullshit. Just hard, fast sex until you’re screaming my name and giving in to me completely.” I should have been appalled by his proposition. I should have been sickened by his explicit words and the way he was touching me and moving, pushing into me until I could feel his hard length. I should have been a lot of things, but all I felt was

aroused. He whispered his words, and his soft voice rustled the hair at the side of my face, making me tremble. “You want that, too. Your body’s shivering just thinking about having me inside you. Stop depriving yourself of what you need and want. Give in to me.” Dear God, he was good. My body was moving on its own, pressing into him with a need my brain was slowly starting to understand. The temperature went up, and everything became humid and sultry like a small bathroom after a long, hot shower. His lips brushed my cheek. “Give in to me, Shannon.” His words rushed into my ear, sending a wave of shivers over my body before he captured my earlobe between his teeth and tugged a little. I was done for. A groan rushed from between my clenched teeth and slid over my lips. A metaphorical white flag sprouted from my core, waving between us and flaming the fire he’d started. My body felt boneless, and I was seconds away from crumpling to the floor in a pool of warmth. My arms trembled. My legs shook, leaving me unsteady on my feet. He was winning.

No. He had won our little war. The prickles on my arms intensified, jumping like waves of rhythm over my flesh, as I sighed. My thighs tightened, and a noticeable slide of warm wetness between my folds had me feeling extra sensitive. My body was ready to combust, and I was all for doing the things he wanted. Breaking for him. Coming apart for him. Screaming his name. I wanted it all. “Okay,” I breathed. The word rushed over my lips. My mind made up. I could hardly believe I agreed, but I couldn’t deny it any longer. What Matthew was offering me sounded amazing. I didn’t want touching and love. I didn’t want a relationship and all the extra bells and whistles. Only sex. I wanted to feel him just once. Maybe then I could move past this strange obsession I had with him and get back to living my normal life. My mind was a mess, screaming for me to stop and take it back, but my body was primed and ready, begging me for the one thing I refused to ever indulge in. It was time I let go and give in to

some pleasure, and something told me Matthew would know exactly how to please me. The problem was, I wasn’t sure I could randomly have sex with a virtual stranger. I didn’t want to be swept off my feet and fall in love or anything like that. I wasn’t expecting sweet sentiments or considering Matthew to be my precious moment. I knew what he was offering, and I was glad the option of more was completely off the table, but I at least wanted to get to know him better before we did the sex thing. “But I have a few ground rules,” I stated. His lips moved from my ear and down my cheek. As if I’d done it a thousand times before, I tilted my head and readied myself for his mouth to touch my neck. “Name them,” he said across my chin. I was melting. Right there in a bathroom that smelled like disinfectant and cleaner. It was the oddest place to make such a massive decision, but my body had taken full control of the war inside me, and I was done fighting it. “I don’t go around just screwing anyone. I want to at least get to know you first,” I said. He pulled back, his blazing, heated eyes moving over my expression. “But no relationships and dating?” I wanted to laugh at the bit of fear I saw on his

face. “No. I just want to know you before we ...” How was I supposed to do it if I couldn’t even say it? “Before we fuck?” he finished for me, his brow lifting, mocking me and my inability to even speak the action. I nodded, biting my bottom lip. His eyes followed, moving across my mouth. “Deal.” He backed away from me, giving me a second to breathe before he pushed into me once again. “I’m going to make this good for you, Red.” He plucked at another of my curls until the roots of my hair tingled and those tingles moved down the back of my neck. “When I’m done with you, you’re never going to want to leave me alone. Promise not to become obsessed with me?” I chuckled, the sound deeper and more raspy than usual. “That won’t be a problem,” I said. And it wouldn’t. It didn’t matter if my body was already longing for his touch. I knew myself. At least, I thought I did. And I knew at some point, whether it was before or after the sex, my mind would send out the reminder, and I would once again hate men, including Matthew Ellis.

NINE MATTHEW THE THIRD TIME DEFINITELY A CHARM.

WAS

Especially when it came to Red. She melted under my touch as I had wanted her to, and within minutes, she was folding for me. Her response to me was addictive. I was high on her dilated pupils and the flutter of her chest where I knew her heart was beating wild and fast. She was aroused. I had awakened the sexual deviant inside her, and I was anxiously waiting for the moment I roused the sleeping beast. Her nipples pointed at me, choosing me to bring them pleasure. I wanted to dip down and taste them through her shirt, but I had a feeling that once I tasted her, I’d never slake the thirst she would bring forth in me. “So you’ll go out with me?” I asked, knowing the answer already. Seeing the surrender in her eyes. She nodded, her teeth once again plunging into

her perfectly pink bottom lip. “This isn’t a date, though,” she blurted. “Okay,” I agreed. “I’m serious, Matthew. No picking me up at my apartment. No flowers and all that crap. Just us meeting somewhere public and getting to know one another.” This girl was perfect. I didn’t want any of that bullshit either. I could do without all the flowery phony shit. I just wanted a night with her. A night where I could climb inside her and lose myself. “Give me your number.” She stared back at me unsure before she finally pulled out her phone and prepared a new contact. We exchanged cell numbers and readied to part ways. “Text when you decide what you want to do. Name the place and I’ll meet you there,” she said. “What if that place is my bed?” She rolled her eyes, obviously annoyed with me. “A public place, please.” “What’s wrong, Red? Don’t you trust me?” She chuckled as she moved away from me to the bathroom door. “Nope. Not even a little.” At that, I laughed. “Smart girl.” “Always,” she said. She pushed the door open and left the room without saying goodbye.

I shook my head and arranged my throbbing dick to a more comfortable position. Red was going to give me a run for my money. She would be a ton of fun. No pun intended.

“SO WHO IS THIS GIRL?”

Jonathan

asked. He held up the gun he was about to sell and looked it over with a keen eye. I hated being in the room when he conducted his gun business. I trusted him, and obviously, he trusted me since the kind of sales he was doing could get him real prison time, but I didn’t always trust the shady characters he did business with. “No one you guys know,” I said from the corner I was tucked in. They didn’t know Shannon, and as far as I was concerned, they never would. Jonathan and Curtis wouldn’t understand my fascination with her. And I knew as my eyes moved over the petite blonde snuggled up to Jonathan’s side with her wide innocent eyes perusing the extensive array of guns in front of him, women with a little extra ass and an exceptional brain would never be something he was into. Not that I cared.

I didn’t. But I’d known the brothers long enough to know they never sugarcoated shit. They were blunt without regard for whose feelings they hurt. I wasn’t mean enough to bring Shannon around them. For her sake. Not mine. “You’re taking her on a date?” he asked. “Since when do you date?” A tiny bit of jealousy dripped from his words, which made no sense. “No. It’s not a date. We’re just hanging out.” It wasn’t a lie, but I didn’t feel the need to go into detail about why we were hanging out. They didn’t need to know I was basically auditioning for sex with this girl, arranging an interview before I pounded into her. They wouldn’t understand why I wanted her badly enough to jump through hoops when I could have any woman I wanted. Hell. I didn’t understand it myself. “Yeah. Whatever you say, dude. Sounds like a date to me.” He picked up yet another gun and turned it to look it over. “Curtis,” he called his brother over. “Tell Jacob I’m ready to make the run when he is.” I shook my head, not wanting anything to do with his gun runs. Hanging out with the brothers had always been good times. Sun and women. Drinks and, on

occasion, some of the best drugs, but over the past couple of weeks, things weren’t feeling the same. They were dabbling in things way too dangerous for my tastes, and I was finding it hard to relax around them anymore. The rush to get off the yacht and away from the guns and bullshit was always there. The shit Jonathan and Curtis were messing with didn’t seem real. They didn’t seem real anymore. Maybe the elderly people at Twin Oaks who were so close to death were giving me a new perspective. Maybe it was Shannon. Either way, I didn’t hate it. “I’m out, man,” I said, standing from my seat and working my way toward the door. “Be careful out there.” He nodded, taking the cigarette from his lips. “All right, man, see you later.” I left the yacht sober and ready to get back to my house. I drove across town to my place with the window down and the music off, enjoying the rushing of the wind and the silence of the moment. I was opening my front door when the text message came through. I had texted her hours before asking when and where, and my face lit up with a grin at seeing the name Red come across the top of my screen.

Red: Little Italy 6 P.M. I had never even heard of a place called Little Italy, but if she wanted to go there, then so be it. I had my GPS. As long as I had that, I could find any place. Me: See you there, gorgeous. Red: I’m rolling my eyes. I laughed. I didn’t doubt for one second she was rolling her eyes at me, and I loved it. She had a way of making me smile about the smallest of things. I showered after having been on the yacht for a good part of the day and dressed for my outing with Shannon. Putting the restaurant’s address into my GPS, I was happy to see she kept us in town for the evening. I got to the restaurant before her, but instead of a valet out front to park my car, I had to drive around the packed lot until I found a space to squeeze my car into. I didn’t go inside. Instead, I waited on the side of the entrance for her to get there. Even though it wasn’t a date and I hadn’t picked her up, I still felt like it was rude to go in and have a seat before she got there. She pulled up in an older Toyota, the bumper

plastered with bumper stickers and tape across the back window. The car was blue and rusty, and seeing as how she had her window down, I assumed there was no air conditioning. It was fall, but we were in South Carolina, and the night was exceptionally warm. She pulled into a parking spot close to my car, which I’d recently gotten back from the shop. She had chosen the restaurant. Anywhere I would have chosen would have parked our cars for us. She didn’t see me when she started toward the building, and I didn’t do anything to draw attention to myself. Watching her without her knowing she was being watched was intriguing. She repeatedly smoothed down her clothes and tugged her shirt down as if she couldn’t cover herself enough. Little did she know she looked amazing. The dark leggings she was wearing molded to her long, thick legs, and when she dropped her keys and had to turn and bend over to get them, I wanted to take a bite out of her luscious ass. It was wide and round, perfect for grabbing when I fucked her from behind. The light top she wore was thin and caught the breeze while she walked. It kept slipping down, the plunging neckline allowing me a peek of her cleavage when the wind caught it. Her hair was down, red waves sliding across her flushed cheek. Using a finger, she pulled at a strand stuck to her

glossed lips. They shined under the parking lot lights like beacons calling me to kiss her. She paused at the sidewalk and took a deep breath. She was nervous, and it was fucking adorable. I moved from my spot and caught her attention just as she stepped onto the sidewalk outside the restaurant entrance. “Oh, hey,” she said. “I didn’t see you there.” “You look hot.” It was the truth. Her brows tilted down. “Wow. Really? Way to make a girl swoon there, Matthew.” She moved away from me and started to open the door to the Italian restaurant she’d decided on. It wasn’t Bellacino’s, my favorite five-star Italian place, but it was food. Reaching out, I pressed my palm on the glass door, keeping her from pulling it open. “That was a compliment.” “If you say so.” She shrugged. She confused me. Most girls would have blushed and taken the compliment and ran with it. Not Shannon. She kept me on my toes. I needed to up my game for this girl. Pulling the door open for her, I moved to the side to let her in. “Ladies first.” She grinned at me and shook her head before entering the restaurant.

I fell in behind her, my eyes taking in her thighs and ass as she walked. “Table for two?” the hostess asked, her eyes moving over me. She smiled at me and ran her fingers through her long blond hair. Shannon didn’t miss the girl’s actions, but instead of getting upset, she chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Yes, please.” The hostess grabbed two menus and turned away from us. “Follow me.” The restaurant was packed with families eating dinner and large groups. It was nothing like the regular places I frequented for dinner. The expensive places where I usually ate had secluded tables and soft music. Arranged lighting with a relaxed ambiance and a breeze off the water cutting through the open doors. This was a blue-collar family restaurant. The lighting was cheap and dangling over each table, and instead of soft mood music, there was the clinking of silverware on plates, mumbled conversations mixing together to make a long hum, and the sound of crying babies. It was the least romantic place I had ever been. Not that I was going for romance. I wasn’t. I was going to have sex, and if I had to eat cold pasta and drink cheap wine to do it, then so be it.

I followed Shannon and the hostess, my eyes taking in the cut-rate place settings and tacky Italian décor. Fake plants covered in dust hung from the light fixtures, and a wall of lattice, also covered in dusty fake greenery, separated parts of the restaurant. I could see what they were going for, but I had actually been to Italy, and they weren’t even close. “I hope you find something here you like,” the hostess said as she stopped in front of our table. I slid into the only secluded booth in the back and smiled up at her since it was obvious she was talking to me. “Thank you,” I said. “Seriously.” She grinned. “Anything you want in this restaurant we’ll make sure you get.” She was offering herself to me. Right in front of Shannon. We weren’t on a date, but the little blond hostess didn’t know that. Before I could open my mouth to respond, Shannon cut me off. “He gets it. You’re available. He can have you if he wants you. We’ll be sure to pencil you in on the menu next to the fish and crab rolls,” she deadpanned. I burst into laughter, and the hostess’ eyes went large and round. She backed away with an awkward smile and

turned around. “Poor girl,” I said. “Her face was priceless.” Shannon giggled behind her hand, and it was nice to see a genuine reaction from her. “But for real, that doesn’t get annoying?” she asked. “What?” She looked at me like I was stupid. “Women throwing themselves at you like that.” I chuckled, leaning back in the booth and taking in the area around me. “No. What man in his right mind would be annoyed by that?” It was nice to be honest with her. It was different, but then again, so was she, so it made sense. “I guess you have me there.” She picked up her menu, and her eyes traveled over the items. “So what’s good here?” I asked, picking up my own menu. Her eyes peeked over the top of the tri-folded laminated listing of foods, and I could see the smile in them. “You mean other than little miss blond hostess?” I snickered. “Yes. Other than little miss blond hostess.” “Try the stuffed chicken parmesan. It’s delicious.” Our waiter came soon after to put in our drink

and appetizer order, and once we were alone again, I got straight to the point. “So tell me something about yourself,” I said. Strangely, I wanted to know more about her. She was mysterious and shuttered, and I knew getting to know her a bit would be like trying to jump a fifty-foot wall, but I had to at least break the ice. “What do you want to know?” Leaning forward, I tapped my chin and grinned as I thought of something to ask. Going straight for the personal stuff would scare her off, so I went for something easy. “Have you always lived in Charleston?” “No. I was born at the hospital here, but I was raised in Somersby. I moved here a few years ago for work.” I nodded. Made sense. Somersby was a much smaller town, and there wasn’t anything there. Jonathan and Curtis had grown up there, as well, and their father still owned the lake house where they used to live. On occasion, we would go out there for the weekend and throw a party, but we had since grown away from the lake and now lived along the coastal waters. “What about you?’ she asked. “Born and raised. Grew up in Mount Pleasant.”

“So you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth then?” I chuckled. “Something like that.” My family had money. I had money. I wasn’t going to deny it. I didn’t need to. “Okay, my turn. What do you do for fun?” She started to tell me, but the waiter returned with our drinks and appetizers. He took our order and left us with a plate of stuffed mushrooms, which were surprisingly good. She ate. Not like most girls I was around who nibbled at their salads and pretended to be full. No. Shannon devoured her stuffed mushrooms without shame, and I found myself comfortable enough to enjoy my food, as well. “So you never answered.” “Okay. What was the question again?” “What do you do for fun?” She paused with her fork at her mouth. A chunk of cheesy mushroom dangling from the tip. “Nothing exciting really. Sometimes I go out with friends. We used to do game nights on Wednesdays before Lilly met Devin but not so much now. Mostly, I work.” She shook her head and chuckled. “I know. I’m a wild woman. I’m super interesting.” Her sarcasm was thick.

“You are.” She looked at me as if I were full of shit, but I meant it. Sure, she didn’t live a wild party life, but there was so much more to her than what she showed me. Most women I knew were as deep as a puddle, but I believed Shannon had an ocean’s worth of depth behind her eyes. “I can only imagine the things you do for fun,” she said, taking her bite and covering her mouth to chew. I laughed. “Yeah. I tend to stay as busy as possible.” “Do you work?” she asked. I shook my head. “Kind of. My family and I own a lot of property and businesses around here. I mostly just have to show my face, and the work does itself.” Her eyes were large as she listened to me. “I couldn’t imagine not having to work. I would go nuts without something to do.” “I find things to do. I travel a ton.” And I did. I had been all over the world. It was a beautiful thing. “Lucky,” she said, grinning over her glass of sweet tea. “Maybe I’ll take you one day. If you could go anywhere, where would you go?”

She set her glass down and wiped her mouth with her napkin. “That’s a hard one. I guess if I could go anywhere, it would be Hawaii. I heard a tribe there worships plus-size women. I would love to be worshipped.” She laughed. My eyes dipped to her chest, taking in her luscious form. She had large breasts and a smaller waist. And I knew under the table, she was hiding thick thighs and a wide, round ass that could take a pounding. She had no idea how hot she was. “No need to go that far. I’ll worship you here in Charleston. No problem.” Her throat bobbed up and down as she swallowed her food. She paused, her eyes moving over my face. “Do you have a file of sexual comebacks tucked away in that brain of yours? You can literally turn anything I say into something sexual.” She chuckled. She hadn’t even blinked at my flirting. “It’s a gift.” I chuckled, leaning back in my seat. “I’ll say. I bet most women love it.” “Most, but not you. You’re not falling for any of it, are you?” She grinned. “Not even a little bit. I’m not dumb. I know you probably say everything you’re saying to me to every woman you come across. I

think I’ll know when you say something genuine.” I examined her face. Her smile. Her knowing eyes. I liked her. And what was worse … I was having fun. “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?” I asked, needing to know if she had a wild side she could let loose. She snorted. “You mean besides what I’m doing with you right here and now? Nothing. I always wanted to do something extreme. Like maybe a piercing or a tattoo, but I’m not that crazy. I wish I could be more like that, but it’s as if I was born an old lady or something. Sorry to tell you … I’m boring.” “You should let loose more. You’re only young once.” She shrugged. “Yeah. Maybe one day I’ll get a tattoo and dye my hair purple.” “Now that would be a shame.” “But you just said I should be crazy.” “Yeah, you should, but dying your hair would be a crime. People pay good money for beautiful red locks like that.” I pointed at her head. “I love your hair.” And I did. It was long and auburn, and sometimes when the light hit it the right way, it looked fire red. It

was gorgeous, and I couldn’t wait to wrap it around my hand and tug on it. Her cheeks turned pink, and she looked away. “Thank you.” “Maybe we’ll go to the piercing place on our next outing.” She laughed. “Yeah. Oookay.” Our night followed that pattern. Asking each other questions and getting to know one another. Our food came. We ate. We drank. And I had a real conversation with a real person. One who made me genuinely laugh. As the night went on, I found myself thinking less about sex and more about the things I could do to bring her out of her shell and put a smile on her face. Because if I were to say one genuine thing to Shannon, other the fact that I loved her hair, it was that her smile had a way of making the dim restaurant around us a lot brighter. We were about to order dessert when her cell phone lit up. She looked at the phone as if she was unfamiliar with the number and then accepted the call. “Excuse me,” she said, holding up a finger. She chatted on the phone with the other person, and I watched as her happy smile dropped and her face paled. “Okay. I’m on my way,” she said into the phone.

“Something wrong?” I asked after she hung up the call. “Yes. I have to go. Lilly’s in the hospital. Something terrible happened to her.” She tossed her things in her purse before digging out her wallet and tossing a fifty-dollar bill on the table—as if I would let her pay for her food. “I’m so sorry I have to run. We’ll set something up soon.” And before I could even respond or tell her to keep her money, she stormed out, leaving me at the table.

TEN SHANNON

I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO THINK again until I left the hospital. It was a flurry of running from one room to another, looking for Lilly’s exact location. Stairs and elevators were taken, and my feet were killing me since I my uncomfortable shoes were not suitable for running or walking. It took nearly forty-five minutes, but thanks to a nurse who was actually willing to do her job, I found her in the intensive care unit after she’d been transported to the hospital by ambulance. After fighting my way inside, because I wasn’t technically family, and seeing exactly how she was doing, there were phone calls and arrangements to be made for her mother, who was vacationing in New York, to get her back to South Carolina. And on top of all that was the debilitating stress and anxiety of knowing my best friend was in a coma. Once again, I was face to face with the destruction of man. Lilly had been beaten nearly to

death by a group of men. She was protecting Devin’s little sister, keeping her from being raped. It was just like Lilly to play the hero, and I was thankful Jenny, Devin’s sister, had a protector. I never did, and the consequences left me burned and broken beyond repair. But at the same time, seeing my best friend wounded was killing me. Internal bleeding and swelling on her brain. That was what being the hero got her. The doctor filled me and Devin in, and the floor beneath my feet seemed to jerk and shake with every word he said. “I think if we can get the swelling around her brain down, I’ll feel a lot better about her prognosis. Right now, it’s hard to say. She could wake up at any time, or she could be in this comatose state for a while longer. There’s no way to know until the swelling goes down. We have her on some antibiotics to fight any infection and pain medication to keep her comfortable. I’ll know more as soon as the rest of the test results come in.” Seeing her in the hospital bed, her face swollen so terribly she wasn’t recognizable and machines pushing oxygen into her lungs, was too much. It was like a memo from God—a reminder of what men were capable of. Seeing her that way made me wonder what I was doing with Matthew. Devin stood to the side while I held Lilly’s delicate hand and cried over her. Memories mixed

with reality floated around my brain, giving me a severe bout of motion sickness. Whispering encouraging words and promises I knew she couldn’t hear, I patted her hand, letting the tears slide over my cheeks. I stayed by her side as much as I could, but I had to leave when it was time to go to work. I was covering both of our shifts for Mrs. Franklin, but I kept my phone glued to my fingers in case there were any updates. If I didn’t hear anything for a few hours, I would call the hospital to check on her. So much, in fact, the nurses at the front desk were becoming familiar with my voice. Once I closed the doors for the day, I’d go home, shower, and head right back to the hospital. Matthew had texted a few times, but I ignored him. I couldn’t think about him and the bizarre situation I’d gotten myself into at the moment. Not when all the reasons I decided to stay away from men were slammed in my face again. It was like reliving my terrible prom night except much worse because it was my best friend. Poor Lilly. Sadly, it wasn’t the first time she had been attacked. Back in high school, a group of rabid cheerleaders had beat her up. That didn’t leave her with brain swelling, but it did take away her ability to have babies.

It would be me and Lilly—childless. Her from a pack of wild bitches, and me from my brain rebelling against me and keeping me away from men in general. The day she opened her eyes and we found out there was no permanent damage was a joyous day. One where I finally breathed a refreshing breath and didn’t feel like my heart was bruised. On that day, I saw something truly beautiful. Something I hadn’t seen since the day my pop left the Earth. I saw love. Devin, who was all man and kept his emotions shuttered, held her close and cried. Seeing him weep over her did something awkward to my heart. It made me consider a few things. Twice in my life, I’d seen the real deal. Once with my grammy and pop, and now with Devin and Lilly. Maybe there were a few good men in the world. Then again, Grammy and Lilly were rare women, lucky in love and full of heart and bravery. I, on the other hand, wasn’t a lucky person and didn’t take chances. I was a coward, hiding behind a block wall of memories, afraid to even consider having a precious moment in time. A few days later, Lilly came home. She wouldn’t admit it, but she wasn’t well enough to care for herself. Devin and I took turns taking care of her, and thankfully, Mrs. Franklin was an

understanding boss. Matthew had stopped texting, and instead of dwelling on him, I dived headfirst into caring for Lilly, visiting Grammy, and squeezing in work. On the days when Devin wasn’t there to play doctor and make sure Lilly was well cared for, I was so busy I’d sometimes forget to stop and eat. On those days, Devin would blow my phone up from his job, constantly calling and checking on Lilly until I contemplated flushing my cell. Yet, at the same time, I was relieved she had someone who obviously cared about her. I was happy knowing Lilly was enjoying a relationship with a man like I never would. Matthew had shown me a fun night, and I was shocked by how much I enjoyed his company. He wasn’t anything like what I expected. He was honest about his flaws and blunt without a care. While that might not be appealing to some, for me it was refreshing to know everything he was thinking made its way to his lips. Still, even with his absolute honesty and the enjoyment I found in spending time with him, I couldn’t let my guard down. Men lied, and I’d seen for myself over the years they pretended. Matthew was a man through and through, which meant I expected those faults in him. He was the perfect gentleman at dinner, not even once trying to touch me, and we had gabbed

like old friends, finding comedy in the same things and enjoying a lot of the same movies and music. But the fact remained I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t positive I could go through with my original plan with Matthew, which was having sex and getting it over with. He scared me, and I didn’t trust myself around him because when he was near, my brain turned to mush, and my physical urges gained full control. I didn’t like that. I thrived on control. It kept me balanced and staved off the insanity that threated. Which meant it was wise to stay away from him. At least until I could come to terms with the recent turn of events. At least until Lilly was healed and no longer needed me. At least until I could no longer see the proof of what man was capable of all over her face. “How are you feeling today?” I asked, creeping into her room to check on her before I left for work. The swelling in her face was down, and she could smile fully again. She was leaning up on her pillows and pointing the remote at her TV. “I’m great. You guys have to stop worrying about me. I don’t like causing a fuss.” It was just like her to worry about us when she should have been focusing on herself. “Stop it. We love you. It’s our job to worry.” Sitting on the edge of her bed, I struggled as

more words danced across my tongue, begging to be released. I wanted to talk to her about Matthew. She was my friend, and I trusted her opinion, but I knew the timing was terrible. Not only had she just gotten better, but I had a feeling the fight between Matthew and Devin was still too fresh. We chatted a bit before I left for work, and as I walked out the front door, a thought occurred to me. Matthew had tried to get with Lilly, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. He had tried to date my best friend, but I supposed, in the long run, it didn’t matter. He would never be more than sex for me, and that was only if I decided to continue with our agreement. Life went on. The dark clouds of Lilly’s predicament slowly faded away, and Devin became a permanent fixture in our lives and in our apartment. She was busy again, getting back on her feet and getting herself prepared to return to work, which meant I was stuck at Franklin’s alone a good bit with too much time on my hands and way too much silence to think in. I was lonely, which was why when Matthew called my cell phone, I couldn’t help but answer it. “Hi.” His deep voice rumbled through my phone. “Hi.” It was awkward as if something weighted had settled on top of us. We were acting as if something

had already happened between us when that wasn’t the case at all. “How are things?” he asked. I filled him in on everything going on with Lilly and explained why I hadn’t responded. “Damn. That sucks. I bet Devin was losing his shit.” “Yep. What’s the deal with you two anyway? Lilly tells me she thought you guys were friends, but then you were trying to get in her pants.” He chuckled. “You’re so blunt sometimes.” “Is that okay? I mean, you were trying to get with her, right?” I asked. “Something like that.” “You’re not using me to get to her or anything like that, are you?” That thought hadn’t occurred to me, but now that it had, it made a great deal of sense. “No,” he simply said. No excuses. No other response. It bugged me that he wasn’t opening up without me having to push him to. “Are you attracted to Lilly?” It wasn’t until the question came out that I realized my words were tinted with a hint of jealousy. I wasn’t an envious person. Not even a little. Plus, I wasn’t into Matthew that way. Nothing was

between us except I was tremendously attracted to him. Yet for some reason, the thought of him and Lilly together sent a little tear across my heart. “Lilly’s a very pretty girl,” he responded, not giving me an answer. My heart dropped, waiting for him to divulge his feelings for her. “She is,” I agreed. She was much prettier than I was with her long dark hair and clear skin. Meanwhile, I had freckles and red hair. She was short and cute, and I was tall and well … not cute. “But,” he started, “you’re much more than pretty.” “I am?” The surprise by his words was evident in my tone, and I curbed it quickly, trying to remain as confident as possible. “Oh, yeah,” he breathed. His voice melted me. The slow, assertive way he spoke to me. The deep vibrations of his tone. It was like he was touching me through the phone. It seemed I was wrong. It didn’t matter if I saw him or not. Hearing his voice made my mind turn to mush, and my body pulled in the lead of the race to control me. “Lilly’s nice to look at, but it’s different with you. You’re gorgeous, and you don’t even know it. There’s something steamy about you, Red. You’re

like humidity. You make everything hot and wet. When I look at you, all I see is lust ... desire ... thirst. I want to drink you in.” I swallowed hard, feeling the wetness and desire he spoke of between my thighs. Dear God. If he could do this to me through the phone, what was he truly capable of? “I want to see you,” he stated. “When can that happen?” “I don’t know, Matthew. Now’s not a great time.” He clicked his tongue. “You know how much I hate the word no.” “I do, but …” “But nothing. I always get what I want, and I want you, Shannon.” “Now who’s being blunt?” I scoffed. “Meet me somewhere tonight.” Again with the demands, but somehow, this time it was different. This time, I liked his domineering tone. “I—” I opened my mouth to tell him okay, but the door chimed, letting me know I had a customer. “Shit. I have to go. I’ll call you later.” I hung up quickly, knowing how much Mrs. Franklin hated it when we were on our phone in front of customers. My customer was a young man buying an engagement ring for his girlfriend. We went through

cases of rings until he decided on the perfect one … a princess cut diamond in a gold setting. When the door chimed with his exit, I picked up my cell, ready to call Matthew back, but before I pressed the call button, I decided it was a bad idea. I still had some fight left in me, and I knew talking to him made my walls crack and crumble. It wasn’t smart to keep that going. If I did, my walls would soon disintegrate into thin air. He sucked up my resolve, and if and when I decided to finally have sex, I wanted to be in control of the situation. Because the one and only time a man had ever been inside me was completely against my will. Setting my phone back on the counter, I rested my chin in my hand and flipped through a magazine Lilly had laying around. The door chimed again, and when I looked up, Matthew was smiling back at me. I sat up straight. My heart rate picked up, sending a rush of nervous energy over me. He looked amazing in a pair of dark jeans and a gray sweater. His midnight hair was tousled as usual as if he’d run his fingers through it one too many times. He was unbelievably sexy, but I could never admit that to him. His ego didn’t need to be any larger. “You don’t give up, do you?” I asked,

pretending to be annoyed when really I was happy he’d stopped by. I could push him away all I wanted to make myself feel better, but the fact was I was glad he was pushing back. I was glad he wasn’t falling for my bullshit when all I wanted was to be close to him. “Never.” He smirked. His strut as he walked up to the counter was full of confidence and pent-up sexual magnetism. He wasn’t dumb. He knew what he was doing, and it was working. “I like how you look at me,” he said, resting his elbows on the counter and peering up at me with a smirk. “How do I look at you?” I shouldn’t have asked because I didn’t want to know if he could see through my act. “You look at me like you want me.” I snorted. “Please.” He was right. I did want him, but over my dead body would I admit it that easily. “You don’t have to beg, baby. If you want me, I’m all yours.” His grin. Those freaking dimples. Those lips. Everything about him was so addictive. I knew he was bad for me, but I couldn’t stop

myself from trying him once more. “Why are you here?” I asked, knowing exactly why he was there. “Well, for one, I have something for you.” He reached out for my hand, and I let him take it. For someone who claimed not to work, his palm was rough and hot as he slid it against mine. When he pulled it away, there was a fifty-dollar bill in my hand. “What’s this?” I asked. “You left the money on the table. You didn’t need to do that.” “But it wasn’t a date.” “So? What kind of man lets a woman pay for her dinner? That’s lame. Just take it so I don’t feel like shit.” I sighed and slipped the money in my pocket. “Okay. Was that it?” I set my hand on my hip as if he did not affect me. “No. I also came because I won’t take no for an answer. What time do you get off?” “I’m here until six.” “Perfect. Just in time for dinner. I’ll pick you up at six.” “No, you won’t. You’re not picking me up. This isn’t dating, remember?” He grinned, his eyes on my lips as if he wasn’t even listening to me. Tapping the counter, he leaned back and started toward the door.

“I’ll be here at six.” Before I could speak again, he was leaving the store. The bell above the door chiming. He smiled back at me through the glass as he slid his shades over his eyes and slipped into his sleek car.

WHEN SIX O’CLOCK CAME, SO DID MATTHEW ELLIS. Not sexually, although I was sure he could do that sort of thing on demand. His headlights lit up the front of Franklin’s, flashing across my face and making me squint. When they turned off, he climbed from his car, looking freshly showered. He was wearing different clothes, prompting me to look down at the outfit I’d been wearing all day. I hadn’t even considered going home and changing. The door was already locked, so he tapped on the glass. I held up a finger to let him know I’d be a minute before I went through closing and totaling everything up. When I finished, I unlocked the front door and stepped into the cool evening air. He was right behind me. I could feel the heat from his body against my back as I locked the door again. When I turned around, he was closer than I thought, and his blue eyes blazed down at me.

“Ready to go?” he asked. The scent of minty toothpaste and mouthwatering cologne reached my nostrils. I nodded. We didn’t go far, ending up at a waterfront restaurant I had passed many times but never dared to enter. It was five stars, and my wallet was only worthy of two. “I can’t go in there,” I said, stopping just outside the door. “Why not?” I plucked at the bottom of my shirt. “Look at what I’m wearing.” “I think you look great. Come on.” He reached for my hand, but before he could touch me, fear struck me and I yanked my hand away. His touching my hand at Franklin’s earlier had been a fluke, but this time, it caught me so off guard I stiffened. I hadn’t meant to be so obvious about not wanting him to touch me, but it was a natural reaction for me. “Sorry,” I muttered. “Can we grab some fast food or something? This place really isn’t for me.” He looked me in the eye before taking in my entire face and the stiffness in my shoulders. He nodded. “How about we grab something and eat it at Waterfront Park?” Relief flooded me. “That sounds great.” Pizza in the park tasted better than steak at the

five-star as I relaxed on the swing facing the water. The breeze gliding over off the glassy top cooled me and sent shivers over my arms. “This is nice,” I said, taking an invigorating breath and closing my eyes. The past few days had been chaos. A mix of worry for Lilly and making sure everything was taken care of so she wouldn’t have to. I didn’t want her to stress over anything. Not to mention the constant worry over whether I could cover the cost of Twin Oaks for Grammy. It was nice to take a breath and unwind. He didn’t respond, and when I turned to face him, he was staring at me, his blue eyes touching every square inch of my face. “What?” I asked, swiping at my face like something was on me. He shook his head and looked away. “Nothing.” The moment got quiet, with only a few tourists taking in the pineapple fountain and a couple walking their dog in the grassy area. It was beautiful, but the longer we stayed silent, the more uncomfortable things became. “So tell me something about yourself,” I said, making the first move this time toward getting to know each other better. “What do you want to know?” “Hmm. What’s the deal between you and Devin? What happened?”

He stiffened. He eyes changing from light and happy to dark and shuttered. “What makes you think something happened?” I chuckled, not really feeling it. “It’s obvious you guys have issues, but Lilly said you were once friends.” “We were enemies before we were friends. He didn’t know that, though.” I was confused. “How could he not know he was your enemy?” “Devin isn’t from around here, but somehow, he knew a few of the people I went to high school with. He was always a ladies’ man. Me, not so much. I was once a one-woman man.” “Plot twist,” I said, making him laugh. “Go on.” “I played football in high school. I was pretty good. Not that I needed it, but I had college scouts looking at me and stuff. I had who I thought was the woman of my dreams and a bright future considering. Then one day, I went to her house to surprise her with flowers. We’d been dating a while, so I’d walk into her family’s house as if it was my own. I went into her bedroom and found her and Devin fucking.” My heart twists and squeezed, feeling the pain he must have felt at that moment. I closed my eyes against the hurt, and when I opened them and looked at him again, I was seeing him in a whole new light.

He had once been young and in love. He had once thought of his future, one that included sticking with one woman and making plans. To walk in on something so heartbreaking had altered him, and I could understand why he kept his distance from commitment. We all had our issues. We all had our reasons, and now I knew his. “I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t believe Devin would do that to someone.” “He didn’t know we were together. I found out later from a friend that she had just met him the night before. She wasn’t the person I thought she was. Anyway, I blamed Devin. I became his friend so I could get revenge. Believe it or not, Devin’s never cared about anyone but his family until Lilly.” All the puzzle pieces fell into place. “And so you went after her to hurt him.” He nodded. “I thought it would make me feel better.” “And? What happened?” “I realized it no longer mattered. I am who I am now. Hurting someone who had no clue they were hurting me isn’t going to change anything. Plus, I lost a friend. I mean, we weren’t best friends, but Devin’s an all right guy.” “Maybe you guys could be friends again?” “I doubt it,” he scoffed. “I’m sure he’d understand if you explained.

You said yourself he didn’t know about you. You should tell him.” He nodded. “Maybe one day.” Silence slipped over us as we stared at the water, both pushing the swing slowly with one leg. “I’ve never told anyone about that.” His voice cut through the silence. “I trust you. Is that weird?” Technically, it shouldn’t have been weird, but considering I wasn’t sure I trusted him completely yet made me feel guilty. There was still so much I wanted to know about him. And although I’d gotten a glimpse of him as a heartbroken teenager, that didn’t say anything about the man he was today. “Not weird at all,” I responded, wishing I could return the sentiment. He was a nice guy inside, and on the outside, he was breathtaking. I couldn’t understand why a man like him would wait for sex from a woman like me. Especially not when I was sure he could get sex anywhere. We had discussed it before, but still, none of it made sense. I wasn’t special at all, and even standing next to each other, it was obvious he was much too handsome for me. “Tell me something about you,” he said, turning my way a bit more. The breeze off the water caught his hair, and the dark locks twirled. He looked at me as if I was the only person in the world. His blue eyes ate away at my skin, making me feel as if he was

stripping my flesh away at the same time. “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I told you I’m boring.” He reached out slowly as if he was about to pet a wounded dog and ran a finger over the top of my hand. I stilled, allowing him to slip his fingers between mine. “You’re the most interesting woman I’ve ever met.” When I looked up at him, I could see in his eyes that he meant it. He was traveled, cultured in the ways of the entire world, and I was just me. Boring country girl Shannon with no experience whatsoever and a crappy paying job at a jewelry store. “I’m not.” I shook my head, knowing he misunderstood the person I was. His other hand moved up, skimming the side of my face before he captured my chin between two fingers and forced my eyes to his. “Of all the things you’ve learned about me over the past few days, the most important one is I’m upfront and honest with you. It’s obvious I’m not a one-woman man. I love women. I have no desire to settle down. I know I don’t have to sweet talk you to get what I want from you. When I say you’re the most interesting woman I know, it’s because I mean it. You’re special, Shannon.” I swallowed hard, feeling as though the breeze

from the water had turned into a heated wave of humidity between us. His thumb stroked my cheek and his eyes captured mine. “Would it be okay if I kissed you?” he asked. My nervous system misfired, making me feel off-kilter. My shoulders went tense, and my spine shifted painfully into a straight line. I wanted it. I didn’t want it. I was so confused. But somehow, my head moved up and down, and I nodded that it was okay. Technically, I had never been kissed. My prom date bypassed sweet kisses and went straight for my panties even though I begged him not to. But I couldn’t think about that. If I did, I knew I would pull away, and honestly, pulling away from Matthew at that moment was the last thing I wanted to do. He leaned forward, his eyes remaining on mine as he measured my reaction. And then they fluttered closed, his long dark lashes resting on his cheeks. I followed his lead, closing my eyes and preparing for an unfamiliar feeling. Soon his lips were on mine. Soft. Sweet. Simple.

No pressure. Just a light slide across my lips. Sucking in a breath, I was filled with his scent. His nose brushed against mine when he tilted his head and deepened the kiss. His tongue slipped along the seam of my lips, but no matter how much I wanted to open for him, I couldn’t. My attention focused on my mouth. The sensation of him. The scent of him. I locked onto my other senses and almost didn’t feel the touch of his palm sliding up my knee. His thumb skimming across my leg, gliding along the inside of my thigh. I gasped, and he used that moment to deepen the kiss. His tongue swept inside my mouth, pressing into mine and sending a sensation I had never felt before rocketing through me. The sensation exploded like a firework’s display of happy nerves, fluttered inside my chest before dropping and melting into arousal between my thighs. On instinct, I moved closer to him, my arms going around his neck and my fingers tangling in the hair on the back of his head. He moaned into my mouth, making the singular heartbeat between my thighs intensify. And then it was over. As quickly as it had started, he pulled away, pressing a soft kiss on my lips once more. I opened my eyes, and he was staring back at me. His breaths were hard and fast, his lips moist and

swollen. “I don’t want to stop,” he whispered. “But we probably should.” His voice was raspy and shaking, and a tiny bit of confidence slipped over me knowing my kiss had shaken him. I nodded, touching my heated lips with the tips of my fingers. He slipped his fingers in mine on the way back to Franklin’s to get my car, and I didn’t pull away. It wasn’t as alarming as I had always imagined it to be, and even though I knew Matthew wasn’t a plethora of morality, something about him made me begin to trust him. The only problem was … now I wasn’t sure I could trust myself.

ELEVEN MATTHEW

I HAD THREE BOOTY CALLS IN TWO DAYS. Getting fucked was not an issue for me. But I didn’t respond to any of the calls because those women weren’t what I wanted. I wanted her. I hadn’t been a one-woman man in years. I wasn’t one now, but I couldn’t focus on any other women, and I knew it was because I had my sights set on Shannon. Until I had her, no one else mattered. The funny thing was, most of the time when I was with her, sex didn’t even cross my mind. We had such a great time talking and laughing. I enjoyed her company. Nothing more. Nothing less. If I were prone to having lady friends, Shannon would have been my best one, but since I knew being friends with women never turned out well, I had to do the next best thing. Fuck her.

That was my goal. The reason I pursued her in the first place. Then the kiss happened, and my motives shifted. I was shattered, and I found myself getting lost in her taste, celebrating the moment she opened for me so sweetly. Knowing how rare her trust was. Not because she told me it was rare, but because regardless of how shuttered she was, I could see right through her. It was as if her body and mind spoke to me, telling me things that were supposed to be hidden inside her. By the time we made it back to her car, my mind was flying through all scenarios. I was thinking of everything and not just having sex with her. I was thinking about her eyes and lips. The soft gasp that rushed over my lips when I deepened the kiss. She was inexperienced. I could feel that in her kiss, and while it should have been a turn-off, I wanted to explore her more. I wanted to open her up and show her all the things her body was capable of—all the things I could make her feel physically and mentally. Yet at the same time, I feared being the man to introduce those things to her. What if she became attached? Shannon was a nice girl, and one day, some lucky bastard would have the balls to keep her, but

I wasn’t in the business of keeping or being kept. I wasn’t sure I ever would be, but I knew if I were, she would be just the type I’d want. She pulled her keys out and turned to face me. The smile in her eyes was different, teasing in a way. “Well, that was fun,” she said. “I like pizza on a swing better than steak at a five-star.” I laughed. “One of these days, I’m going to take you to a nice place and feed you. I’ll show you the night of your life.” I grinned, my cheeks feeling sore from so much smiling. She looked away and swallowed. “You already did that.” A kiss. A single kiss and she was content. Most women wanted it all from me. Money. Gifts. Vacations. I lavished those things on the ones I spent my time with until they bored me. Not Shannon. Pizza and a kiss satisfied her. Stepping closer to her, I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and pulled her closer. Her silky hair brushed across my knuckles, and she shivered.

Moving in, I kissed her once more. No open mouth. Just a long press of our mouths, sealing our night and closing away the memory of our first kiss on the swing. “Good night,” I whispered against her lips before pulling away. She looked at me through her lashes. Her cheeks were flushed, and her lips were swollen. “Good night.” I stood on the sidewalk by my car until she was gone out of sight. Then I climbed into my car, drove home, showered, and fell asleep with thoughts of Shannon.

THE FOLLOWING DAY, WORKED AT TWIN OAKS.

I

I probably could have gotten out of it, but I was beginning to enjoy working there. I was getting to know the people, and they were getting to know me. My favorite of the patients was Miss Iris. I’d found out from a few of the nurses that she was suffering from dementia, which explained why she flirted with me like a twenty-year-old when I was sure she was over eighty. Still, she lightened the mood considerably when I was having a slow,

aggravating day. When it wasn’t Iris bringing out my smile, it was Shannon. A few times, I’d caught a glimpse of her walking the hallways of Twin Oaks, and I tried to catch her before she left, but sometimes she was gone before I finished my task. Almost exactly a week after our kiss on the swing, I saw her walking down the hallway from the entrance. She was smiling to herself as if she had a secret and was twirling one of the curls resting on her shoulder. She was wearing leggings and brown boots that worked their way up her calf. The shark bite shirt she was wearing was just long enough to cover her ass and thighs, but when she lifted her arm to run her fingers through her red hair, her shirt lifted as well, showing her curves in the tight leggings and making my mouth water. “You’re still chasing after her?” Jermaine asked from my side. I hadn’t even known he was there watching me, and over the weeks, I hadn’t mentioned Shannon much. “Not chasing. I caught her.” I kept my eyes on her as she walked away from me, her hips shifting with each step she took. “You’re so full of shit.” He chuckled. I turned to him with a grin on my face. “Nope. We’re just hanging out. Nothing serious.”

Our situation seemed too personal, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t want to brag. I knew what I had with Shannon, and it was no one else’s business. “Damn, man, I can’t believe you landed her.” I couldn’t believe it either. After what little time I spent with her, even I had to agree with Jermaine. She was definitely a special girl, and she was definitely out of my league. Smart. Charismatic. Beautiful. She had way more going for her than I ever did. “Am I seeing this shit right?” Jermaine asked, taking my attention away from Shannon right before she turned the corner and disappeared. “What?” He pointed at me. “The look on your face. You’re really into her, aren’t you?” I stiffened. He didn’t know what he was talking about. “Get the fuck out of here, man. You haven’t known me long, but you should know better than that.” I laughed. Jermaine’s face cleared, his smile dropping from his lips. He shook his head. “Fight it all you want, bro, but I’ve seen that look on a man’s face before, and that shit’s no joke.”

“What look on whose face?” “On mine when I looked in the mirror. It was about the same time I realized my wife had my ass by the balls.” He chuckled and began to walk away. “It’s like quicksand, man; the harder you fight it, the faster you sink.” “What’s like quicksand?” I called out as he walked away. “Love.” My stomach felt queasy at his words. First of all, he was completely full of shit. I had once thought I was in love, and we all knew how that turned out. Since then, I hadn’t even considered it, and I certainly wasn’t going to start now. Instead of going down the hallway Shannon had taken, I went in the opposite direction. Maybe a little time away from her was a good idea. Even though I knew falling in love with anyone was a longshot, I didn’t want to take any chances. I found myself in the kitchen area to snag a drink. The ladies who did the cooking welcomed me with smiles and hugs. I rarely went back there with them, but today I felt the need to hide out. I didn’t want to be in the hallway and take a chance of running into Shannon. Not until I knew I had my head on straight. I cleaned the kitchen, taking out the trash and

stirring whatever needed to be stirred, and after an hour or so had passed, I figured it was safe to hit the halls again. I was wrong. As soon as I made it past the front desk, she was walking by. She was looking down checking her phone, not even acknowledging me, which was why it was so easy to grab her by the hand and pull her into the supply closet as she passed. She gasped as I closed the door behind us, and pressed her against the back of the door. “Matthew?” she asked into the darkness. “Shh,” I hushed her, running my nose up the side of her neck. I pressed a soft kiss where her pulse was banging against my lips, and she sighed. “What are you doing?” she asked. “If I have to explain, then I’m doing it wrong.” She giggled and then shivered when I pressed another kiss to her neck. Working my way up, I ran my lips over her chin and across her cheek before going in for the kiss. Jermaine didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. Did I like being around Shannon? Yes. Did I like kissing Shannon? Hell, yes. Did I want to climb inside her and have what I

knew would be amazing sex with her? You’d better fucking believe it. But love? That shit wasn’t going down. I wouldn’t let it. I had this situation in the bag, which was why I pulled away from the kiss and said, “Tonight, you’re mine. I have a surprise for you. Be ready at six.” Before she could respond, I pulled away, opened the door she was leaning against, and slipped out of the room. I wasn’t thinking. She didn’t need to think either. We just needed to do. So at six that evening when I pulled up at Franklin’s to see her waiting outside for me, I couldn’t help but grin. She was loosening up, which meant I was getting closer to having her. “So where are we going?” she asked, checking her lipstick in a tiny handheld mirror. She was wearing pink gloss on her lips, and every time the light hit her face the right way, they shined like diamonds. The smell of strawberries filled my car when she applied it, which meant she probably tasted like strawberries. I fucking loved strawberries. “I told you, it’s a surprise.” She shook her head and looked out the window. As we drove across town, the sun went down and the headlights came on. When the cars passed us, their headlights would skim her soft cheeks,

making me want to reach over and touch her. All I could think about was putting my hands on her skin —feeling her—becoming a part of her. I couldn’t shake it, so instead of acting on it, I talked. I wanted to ask her who she visited at Twin Oaks, but I was too afraid it would prompt her to ask me the same. I didn’t want to lie to her, but the thought of telling her I was completing my community service sentence was embarrassing. I didn’t think Shannon would care about that kind of thing, but I did. “How are things?” I asked. She turned away from the window, and her eyes moved over my face. She smiled. “Things are good. You?” I couldn’t control the grin that tugged at my lips. The conversation was forced and awkward, taking attention away from the two lingering kisses between us. All the angst and secret looks between us were making me feel like I was in high school all over again. “Things are great. Really great,” I said, slipping my hand over hers to graze the top of her fingers. Her skin was soft beneath my fingertips, and she shuddered. “Okay, for real, where are you taking me?” she asked. “You said you want to do something crazy. Let’s do something crazy.”

“I’m not sleeping with you, Matthew. I’m not ready.” I laughed. “No. We’re going to put something else in you,” I joked. “Oh, my God. What?” At that moment, we pulled up to the piercing place. The look on her face when we pulled up to our destination was worth the drive. She wanted to do something freeing—something wild—something unlike herself, and I wanted it for her, too. Not because I was trying to get in her pants, but because I wanted to be a part of her coming out of her shell. I wanted to see her free. “No.” She was adamant. “Oh, come on! You said you wanted to be wild. Let’s be wild together.” I winked as I unbuckled my seat belt. “I don’t recall ever telling you I wanted to do something wild.” “I can’t remember if you said it out loud or not, but if not, you were definitely thinking it.” “Oh, so now you’re inside my head?” “Hey, as long as I’m inside you somehow.” She chuckled. “Cheesy.” I laughed. “This is what you do to me.” She sighed and unbuckled her seat belt. “You’re serious about this?” “Absolutely.”

Her eyes sparkled with mischief, and I watched as she thought it over. Finally, an amazing smile tugged at her lips. “Fine. Let’s do it.” I snorted. “Don’t say things like that to me. I’m trying to be a nice guy here.”

TWELVE SHANNON

THE NEEDLE SLID THROUGH THE CENTER OF MY TONGUE like it was a hot knife slicing through butter. I clutched Matthew’s large hand in mine, squeezing as I tensed up. “All done,” the guy piercing my tongue said. “Just let me screw this on.” When I first saw him, I was afraid of him. He was tall, his face covered in tattoos, and his long blond hair twisted into dreads. His ears were gaged out—I could see straight through them—and he had a bull ring in his nose. Looks were definitely deceiving. He was sweet and patient with me, patting the top of my hand and answering my questions with an understanding smile. His names was Charles, and come to find out, he was married with three kids. He had a degree in art and took the time to paint each of his kids’ rooms after a Disney movie of their choice.

I liked him. Once he finished, he turned away and set his tools on the metal tray at our side. “You’re a wild woman,” Matthew whispered in my ear. I scoffed at his words, but he was right. I felt wild. It was something stupid. A simple tongue piercing I’d probably pull out the minute it healed, but it had been the in thing when I was in high school, and I had always been too afraid to do it. Not anymore. Thanks to Matthew. I sat up in the chair I was lying back on and flicked my tongue around. It was sore, and I felt like I had something stuck in my mouth. Matthew laughed. “You look funny doing that.” “It feels weird. Have you ever had this done?” “Yeah. For like, two years, but I took it out a few years back.” Charles talked me through proper care procedures, and then Matthew was helping me up from the chair. “Come on, Red, let’s get out of here. The night’s young, and we still have some wilding out to do.” Once we were back in his car, he buckled his seat belt and turned toward me. “You know? I didn’t think this through very

well. We probably should’ve eaten before we stuck a rod through your tongue.” He chuckled. “You tink?” Because I couldn’t eat anything hot, and my tongue was starting to throb, we went to an icecream shop that also had food. I nibbled on an ice cream sundae, which felt amazing, while he grabbed himself a burger. “This is delicious,” he said, biting into the juicy burger. “You’re evil.” He chuckled. “Hey. There are consequences to being the wild woman.” I rolled my eyes obviously and placed another spoonful of vanilla ice cream on top of my tongue. “What do you want to do when we leave here?” he asked, popping a crispy fry into his mouth. I shrugged. “It’s up to you. You’re the one planning everything tonight.” His eyes lowered. “I could always take you home if you want. I mean, I don’t want to take you home, but if your tongue is really bothering you ...” “I’m not ready to go home.” I couldn’t believe I said that, but it was the truth. Lilly was home, and Devin would be there, and being a permanent third wheel was no fun. “You could always come back to my place?” “I’m not going to sleep with you,” I

deadpanned. “I’m aware.” “What will we do?” I slurred. My tongue was starting to swell. “Well, first we’ll put some ice on your tongue. Then we’ll watch some Netflix and chill?” I laughed. “No Netflix and chill.” “Fine. We’ll watch a movie and hang out. Better?” “Much.” It wasn’t smart to go home with a guy, but I felt like I could trust him to keep his hands to himself. Maybe it was poor decision-making on my part considering my past, but already I felt like I was starting to get to know him. I was gradually figuring him out, and what I was finding I was happy with so far. Matthew wasn’t a bad guy, and he wasn’t as much of a player as he thought he was. He was a heartbroken man protecting his heart just as I was a broken woman protecting my body. We finished our food and drove the few minutes to his place. I was expecting a luxurious place, considering the car he drove. It was obvious Matthew had money to blow. But I hadn’t expected him to live in something so glorious. It was a historic Charleston house, tall and slender, the four stories hovered over the city like a menacing creature. The outside was gray with black plantation shutters and tall windows. Wraparound

porches on each story supported by intricately carved beams and rails. I could imagine stepping out onto the top floor deck and looking out over the Atlantic coast. It was gorgeous. It spoke of memories and dreams of years gone by, of a time when things were simple and the world wasn’t wracked with the chaos. We parked and stepped through the handmade wrought iron gate surrounding his place. I grinned, thinking how fortunate he was to have such a beautiful home. The walkway was timeworn cobblestone surrounded by lush gardens that looked as if they had been planted and taken care of since the day the house was built, which I was sure was over a hundred years before. “This is gorgeous, Matthew,” I said as I took the cobblestone walkway to the wide steps that went up to the glorious front porch. There were rocking chairs and gas lamplights. And when I turned back toward his car, I could see we were also right across from the water. “Thank you.” He unlocked the front door and opened it for me to step through. The lights came on automatically, illuminating what was probably the most gorgeous space I had ever seen. A large antique fireplace centered on the wall had a

massive window on each side with a view of the water across the street. I stepped up to the window and took in the view. “Really?” I asked, turning toward him with a raised brow. “People live this way?” He chuckled. “Yes, really. It’s my home.” We moved into the gourmet kitchen next, which had obviously been recently renovated. There was stainless steel everything as far as the eye could see mixed with white. It was crisp and clean as if no one ever ate or cooked in the space. “This is … wow. This is beautiful,” I said in awe. “Do you even eat here? He snorted. “Nope. It’s takeout all day, or I go out to eat.” “But you’re so …” I stopped, waving my hand at his body. “I’m so what?” “Fit. You’re so fit.” He moved closer, his eyes dipping to my lips. I backed away, my hips bumping into the marble island in the center of his kitchen. “Have you been looking at my body, Red?” I swallowed, my tongue feeling too fat for my mouth. I shook my head, deciding that talking was starting to hurt too much. “Are you lying to me?”

I put my head down, my cheeks feeling hot, but then I looked him in the eye and nodded. His face lit up with a grin. “Can I tell you a secret?” he asked. I nodded again. “I look at your body, too.” I frowned, my shoulders dropping at his words. I hated my body. I was too tall. Too round. Too … fat. “And it’s all luscious and curvy. Sometimes I think about grabbing handfuls of you and squeezing. Your hips and thighs. Your gorgeous ass. And these,” he said, running a finger across my cleavage, “are fucking amazing. I can’t wait to see you naked.” I was breathing hard. My body hummed from his praise, and I suddenly wished I had waited to pierce my tongue because all I wanted was for him to lean down and kiss me the way he had before. With the courage he had just given me, I leaned up on my toes and pressed my lips to his. I couldn’t really kiss him the way I wanted, but at least I could feel his lips against mine. He wrapped his arms around my waist, his large hands going to my ass to grab handfuls as he’d said he would. He squeezed, lifting my body a bit, and pressing me into the island behind me. He pulled

away and rested his forehead against mine. “You’re driving me crazy. How are you doing this?” I had no idea what he was talking about, but I was hoping he meant it in a good way. “I’m not doing anything,” I whispered. “Yes, you are. You’re doing everything.” And then he kissed me again. Gentle and sweet. Soft like a feather as he brushed his lips across mine, his sweet breath tickling my top lip. He pulled away, releasing my ass with a growl. “I’m sorry,” I said. “No. Don’t apologize, but let’s go settle in front of the TV before I get carried away.” His TV was seventy inches and surrounded by actual movie seats and a sectional couch. It was on the top floor, and he had coverings that dropped over the windows to block out the sun during the day. It was extravagant and honestly a waste of money, but I didn’t say anything. I settled onto the couch, unzipping my boots and pulling them off my feet. He sat beside me and removed his shoes as well. Leaning back on the couch, he put his arm on the back of the seat and picked up the remote control with his other hand. That was how we sat for the next few hours. We ended up watching a movie on Netflix, and not once did he try to touch me or become

inappropriate. It was nice, and I could honestly say I was having a wonderful time with him. Soon, he began to doze off, allowing me time to sit and look at him without him knowing and having something sarcastic or sexual to say. His dark hair fell over his brow, and his black lashes fluttered against his high cheekbones. His skin was naturally tanned, but he was also a bit dark from the sun. His nose was thin and symmetrical, and his lips were open as he breathed deep in his sleep; they were smooth and supple … thick and erotic with just the right amount of facial hair around them. He hadn’t shaved lately. His face wasn’t as smooth as usual, and instead, a slight beard was growing. Just enough that when I reached out and ran my finger across his cheek, I could feel the prickles. Getting away with touching him, I moved closer and ran my finger across his lips, feeling their softness and his warm breath against the tip of my finger. Then out of nowhere, his hand grabbed mine. I gasped and tugged my hand back. His eyes popped open, and he grinned at me with sleepy eyes. “Are you taking advantage of a sleeping man, Red?” I went to answer no, but I hadn’t spoken in a

while, and I had no idea how swollen my tongue was. I moaned in pain and reached up to cover my mouth. My tongue was throbbing, the swelling filling my mouth. I didn’t regret it, but I wished I had some Tylenol or something for the pain. “Is it hurting pretty badly?” he asked, leaning up and stretching. His shirt pulled against his body letting me see the dips and cuts in his back muscles. I nodded instead of answering. “Want something cold to drink? Maybe some ice?” he asked, reaching out and rubbing my knee without thinking. It was as if we spent time together all the time. He was comfortable with me, and I was becoming comfortable with him. “Ice please,” I slurred. “Come on.” He reached down and grabbed my hand, pulling me up from the couch. He held my hand the entire way to his kitchen, and once we were there, he got a glass from the cabinet and filled it with ice for me. “Really, a popsicle would be better. Do you want to run out and get some? I shook my head. “This will do.” I plucked a cube out of the glass and slid it into my mouth. Sucking a little, I felt the instant relief against my heated tongue. His eyes followed my

movements, making me feel as if I was doing something naughty when I wasn’t. I was only trying to find relief. “What?” I asked, disliking the fact he was staring at me “You.” “What about me?” “The way you’re sucking that ice cube is getting me hard.” My eyes dropped to his crotch, and sure enough, there was a tent popped up. “I think everything turns you on.” “No. It’s just …” He stopped. “It’s just what?” He moved closer, his finger skimming across my bottom lip and making me suck it into my cold mouth. His tongue peeked out, swiping at the corner of his mouth. “I never wanted to be an ice cube so badly in all my life.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. With a swollen tongue, I wasn’t much for kissing, but he never pressed for me to open for him. Instead, his heated lips against my icy ones felt like something much more sexual. He pulled away, his eyes tracing the line of my lips once more. “You’re doing something to me.” “What am I doing?”

“I don’t know. I just know I feel different with you.” I had no idea what that meant and whether it was bad or good. I had no idea how to respond or if I should respond. I opened my mouth to say something sweet, but before I could, he pulled away. “Maybe I should take you home now. It’s getting late.” I nodded, and he left the kitchen to go get our shoes from the TV room. While he was gone, I turned and looked out the large windows overlooking the beautiful Charleston coastline. The bridge lit up in the distance, illuminating a tiny bit of sky around it. Matthew had an amazing life. One filled with riches and I was sure lots of family and friends. I didn’t fit in with him, and I never would. That realization was like dropping my glass of cold ice over my head. We were friends. At least, I thought we were. And I was thinking maybe it was best if we stayed that way. No matter how badly my body begged for him. And no matter how quickly my mind was starting to understand my body’s sentiments.

THIRTEEN MATTHEW

ICE HAD EROTIC.

NEVER

BEEN

SO

Not ever. The way she sucked it into her mouth and ran her tongue around it. I almost unloaded in my boxers just watching her. I hadn’t had sex in a while, and it was taking its toll on me, but having Shannon around and not being able to touch her wasn’t making things any easier. Still, I couldn’t stay away from her. She was intoxicating and refreshing. She was witty and joyful, and most of all, she didn’t ask anything of me. It was a nice change from the women who wanted everything. I took my time collecting our shoes to take her home because I needed a minute to calm down and gather myself. I was completely out of my league with her. She was seducing me without even trying, and I had never been enticed so sweetly.

Melting into my sectional, I rested my face in my palms. My deep breaths burst through my fingers until I could focus. Taking her home was the smart thing to do. She wasn’t ready for what I was offering, yet here I was, upstairs coming apart at the seams. By the time I got downstairs and went into the living room, she was asleep on the formal couch. She’d tucked her hand sweetly under her chin, and her mouth was slightly opened. She wasn’t snoring, but her breathing was deeper. I watched as her chest rose and fell with each breath. Getting an extra blanket out of the linen closet, I covered her and turned off the lights. If I thought she would have gotten in my bed, I would have offered it to her, but knowing Shannon, I knew no matter how much I offered it to her, she wouldn’t take the bed. Honestly, I knew if I woke her for any reason, she would want to go home. Strangely, after seeing her sleeping so soundly on my couch, it was the last thing I wanted to do. The first time a woman had stayed overnight, and she was sleeping untouched on my living room couch. It was a whole new level for me. Moving around the couch, I started for the stairs, but a moan slipped through the darkness prompting me to turn the light back on. I looked down at her as she groaned and wiggled in her

sleep. She looked as though she was having a nightmare. I leaned down to wake her, but just before I touched her, she spoke. “You’re nothing like him,” she muttered. “You could never be him.” I pulled back, my eyes moving her face as she gradually calmed down and began to settle into the couch. Him? Was she seeing someone? In a relationship she failed to tell me about? The room went dark once again when I flipped the switch. I went to my room, but instead of sleeping, I lay there for over an hour thinking about how much it would suck to find out Shannon was involved with someone else. I’m not sure why it would suck since I wasn’t even thinking about a relationship, but for some reason, the thought of her being with anyone else made me feel a little sick to my stomach.

I WOKE THE NEXT MORNING BEFORE SHE DID, and when I went into the living room, she was still sleeping soundly on the couch. She’d tossed the blanket on the floor, and her shirt was askew, showing me a bit of her

lacy bra. My dick was already hard with morning wood, but seeing a glimpse of her bra was making my dick throb. I’d never been aroused by so little in all my life. Still, even in my aroused state I couldn’t help but wonder who he was. Obviously, he meant something to her if she was dreaming about him. I’d gone to bed the night before feeling a bit hurt, which, of course, made me angry. I slept for shit, wondering what her deal was. I’d never felt the strange sickness rolling around in my stomach before, so I wasn’t sure if I could pinpoint it exactly, but I imagined it felt a bit like jealousy would. That was impossible, though. I’d never been jealous of anyone or anything in my entire life. She stirred. Her scarlet hair falling over her face. Using a finger, I slid the strands away from her eyes. When I did, they popped open, her green orbs staring back at me in shock. She jerked, sucking in a breath. I’d scared her. “Whoa,” I said, holding up my hands. “It’s me.” She blinked the sleep away, and her head turned as she took in my place. “What time is thit?” she slurred, her swollen

tongue really making an impact. “It’s just after six.” “Why in God’s name are you up this early?” She squinted at me with evil eyes. “I don’t sleep well.” I was always up with the sun. Sleeping had never been an option for me, but it had been much worse the night before. She covered her mouth and flinched in pain. “Hurts like hell today, huh?” She nodded, not wanting to talk. I didn’t blame her. I hadn’t had my tongue pierced since high school. It was something high school kids did a lot, but I remember it hurting worse on the second day. In some ways, Shannon was doing things way later in life. I was in high school piercing things, and she was an adult. “I guess that’s what you get,” I said. It wasn’t until after the words came out I realized how snappy I sounded. Her face crinkled at my tone, and I ran my fingers through my hair aggravated with myself. “I mean, sticking a needle through any part of your body isn’t supposed to feel good.” I tried to explain. I was fucking this up even worse. Quickly, I changed the subject. “Are you hungry?’ I asked, knowing she wouldn’t be up for eating.

She shook her head. “More ice?” She nodded. “Yeth, pleath.” She and him and the fucking ice were going to be the death of me. Shannon used the bathroom, washing her mouth out with mouthwash as the piercer had said, and while she was taking care of her business, I waited patiently, trying to pretend like questions weren’t burning my tongue. I didn’t have any right to ask, but I wanted to know if she was seeing someone. I needed to know if someone else was touching her. Thankfully, she came out of the bathroom with a tiny smile on her face and saved me from embarrassing myself. I didn’t bother with breakfast since I wasn’t much for eating in the morning, and I knew she would never be able to handle eating on the second day, but once we were out of the house, I stopped by Starbucks where I got a hot coffee for me and a caramel Frappuccino for her. “So how did you sleep last night?” I asked over my steaming cup. She slid her straw in and out of her cup, sloshing through the ice. “Eh.” She shrugged. “Not good then?” I was fishing for answers to questions I had too much pride to ask, but she wasn’t giving me

anything. She reached up, tying her hair into a knot and exposing the creamy skin of her graceful neck. I closed my eyes, imagining another man licking the softness there, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. “Are you seeing someone?” The question flew from my lips. She paused, her luscious lips wrapped around her straw. Her brow popped up, and she snorted. “What kind of question is that?” “A perfectly logical one.” She chuckled. “What makes you think I’m seeing someone? Do I seem like the kind of woman who goes out with another man if I were in a relationship? “No. It’s just … last night you were talking in your sleep about a guy, and I just assumed …” I stopped, taking another sip from my hot coffee. I was trying hard not to sound like a jealous creep, but I knew I was failing miserably at it. Her face paled when I mentioned her talking in her sleep, but just as quickly the color crept back into cheeks, she looked away. “There’s no one,” she said with finality. “Because if there is, you can just—” “Matthew,” she said, cutting me off. “There’s no one.” I nodded, accepting what she was saying and letting it go since I felt like a total ass.

An hour later, I dropped her off at her car. She had a thing about me going to her apartment. I tried not to think it was because she had a guy living there with her and Lilly, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t cross my mind. More than likely, it was because she didn’t want another run-in with me and Devin. I had told her I was over that entire situation, but I understood. I got out and walked her to her car. She pulled out her keys and then turned to face me with a smile. She wasn’t done up. She still looked sleepy, and her hair was piled on top of her head with a band she found in the bottom of her purse, but she looked amazing. Better than she had ever looked before. Seeing her drowsy with sleep and bed hair made me wonder what she would look like after a night of sex. Soon. Soon, I would know the answer to that question. My lips ached to kiss her, but I didn’t want to hurt her. Instead, I leaned in and gave her a soft peck on the mouth. “I’ll text you,” I said, pushing a strand of loose hair behind her ear. She nodded. And then she turned away and got into her car. I leaned up against my driver’s side door, sipping my coffee as she pulled away.

Going back to my place, I showered and dressed. My mother wanted me to attend a few meetings, but when I finished with that, I planned to spend the rest of my night drunk on Jonathan’s father’s yacht. The day flew by in a mix of phone calls about charity events and real estate talk. I knew what I was doing, but it was not what I wanted to do with my life. Honestly, I had never taken the time to think about the things I desired. It was always about what my mother required. When I wasn’t thinking about what everyone else wanted, I was thinking about what people needed. When my father was alive, he donated his time and money to a lot of charities I continued to take care of in his stead. Charities like Charleston’s Children, a program for underprivileged kids in the area. It wasn’t as glitzy as the charity events and balls my mother threw, but it was more gratifying. That’s what I want to do with my life, I thought. Gratifying things. Things to make the world a better place. My mother didn’t understand that. She did things for show, for the praise. It was always about who was watching when she did good deeds, and I hated that about her. My dad was the opposite, and I knew once the reins were handed over to me, I would turn things back around to the way they were when he was alive. Once I finished the work stuff, I hauled ass

toward the coast and found myself enjoying the sun and Charleston breeze on the top deck of Jonathan’s father’s yacht. It wasn’t boating season anymore, so we lounged in comfortable clothes around a gas flamed fireplace Jonathan’s father had installed the week before. We were keeping close to the shoreline, watching the sun disappear behind the horizon. It was beautiful, and I should have been focusing on the splendor surrounding me, but I wasn’t. Shannon. She was all I could think about. Picking up my cell, I typed in a message to her and stuffed my phone back in my pocket. Me: Thinking about you. As soon as I put my phone away, it buzzed with a response. Red: Thinking about you too. I grinned down at my phone before shoving it back in my pocket. “Looks to me like whoever she is, she has her hooks in you,” Jonathan said. I couldn’t see his eyes behind his shades, but I could tell he was looking at me. A smirk on his face.

“It’s not like that.” “Sure, it’s not.” I supposed if anyone knew me best, it was him. That night, I forgot about my phone and drank with my friends. I didn’t flirt with the women, and when one of them tried to shower me with her attention, I made up an excuse to get away. It wasn’t until almost one in the morning when I finally gave up on having a good time without Shannon and went back to my place. Instead of climbing the stairs to my room and falling asleep on my eight-thousand-dollar mattress, I kicked my shoes off by the front door and crashed on the couch where Shannon had slept the night before. The blanket I used still smelled like her, and I fell asleep with a grin on my face thinking of being wrapped in her softness.

WE TEXTED FROM THE TIME WE WOKE UP until the time we climbed into bed the following day. She was at work while I was clocking my community service hours at Twin Oaks. Once I finished at Twin Oaks, I stopped by my mother’s house. It wasn’t much different from my place, a bit

larger and decorated in darker colors. The only difference was my mother had acreage, while I had a small lot closer to the water. “Is my mother around?” I asked Charlotte, my mother’s maid. She was younger, her pitch black hair pulled tightly into a severe bun. “In her office,” she answered, dusting the front entrance table. My shoes squeaked over the expensive marble flooring, my mother deciding it was nicer than the original hardwood floors beneath. She was sitting behind her massive desk, her face down as she scribbled something on a sheet of paper with one hand while holding a small crystal glass with what I knew was vodka in the other. “Starting a bit early, aren’t we?” I asked, moving into her space and falling onto the chaise lounge in the corner. She peeked up over her designer glasses before looking back down at her work. “What is it, Matthew? Want to buy another hundred-thousand-dollar car?” She wasn’t stupid. She knew the only reason I’d blown that kind of money on my Tesla was to piss her off. “Of course not, Mother. Now, a yacht like Mitchell’s? That would be nice.” She knew the floorplan of Mitchell’s yacht by

heart. I remember the moment Jonathan and I realized my mother was fucking his dad. It was disgusting, but I didn’t give a shit who she fucked. That didn’t keep me from rubbing it in her face that I knew, though. She pulled her glasses from the bridge of her nose and set them on her desk. “Aren’t you supposed to be doing community service or something?” I chuckled. “Actually, today was my last day. I think I’ll keep volunteering, though. The people there are nice.” She pinched the bridge of her nose in aggravation. “So let me get this straight. You were upset when you were being forced to clean the place, but now you want to do it for fun?” I didn’t bother explaining. It was like speaking to a brick wall adorned in Prada and Gucci. My phone went off in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see it was from Shannon. “I have to go, Mom. I’ll see you at our next family visit,” I said sarcastically. She didn’t respond. Instead, she slid her glasses back on and waved me away. I checked my message as I left the house. Red: My tongue is all healed. Tonight, there will be burgers.

Me: I could go for a burger. Red: I wasn’t fishing for your time or anything. Me: I know, but I’m fishing for yours. I smiled as I pulled away from the drive and headed toward my place. It wasn’t until I was opening my front door that my phone buzzed again. Red: Okay. I’ll eat a burger with you, but not five-star burgers. I want grease and cheap soda. I laughed, and instead of texting her back, I pressed the call button. She answered on the second ring. “Hey,” she answered. I could practically hear her smile through the phone. “I could do cheap and greasy for you.” I grinned. “Are you sure about that?” “Positive.” “Okay, good. What time do you want to meet?” “How about I come pick you up this time?” I asked. Even knowing what her response would be, I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to see if she didn’t want me to come to her place for any other reason. Some other reason like a boyfriend she was living with. “Pick me up? You mean, like a date?”

I grinned into the phone. I wanted to say yes, but I had a feeling that would push her away. So instead, I said, “No. Not like a date. Like a friend coming and picking up another friend.” There was silence on the other end and then, “Okay.” Which sent a wave of relief over me. I’d been to their apartment before. Although, the last time I barely gave Shannon the time of day since I was so set on my revenge. Thankfully, Lilly and Devin weren’t there. She opened the door, and my mouth dropped open. I was knocked speechless. She was wearing a loose dress that draped from her shoulders. It was a soft green color that made her hair and eyes pop. Cinched at the waist to show her curvy figure, it stopped just above the knee, making her long legs look even lengthier. Her skin glistened with some sort of illuminating lotion, and her face was fresh with just a tiny bit of color on her eyes and lips. Long red beach waves fell over her bare shoulders, begging to be pushed to the side so I could kiss her exposed collarbones. “Wow,” I said. She blushed. “I hope that’s a good wow.” My eyes traveled down her curvy figure, over her thighs and long legs, all the way down to her ankle boots.

“It’s a great wow.” “Thank you,” she said, tucking a red wave behind her ear. “Come on in. I just need to get my stuff.” I stepped into her apartment, and strangely, it felt more like home than the home I grew up in. It was small and warm with well-used, comfy furniture and a large TV in the corner. It was clean, yet had things on the kitchen counters as if people lived there. It was homey. I moved to stand behind the couch closest to the front door and peered down the long hallway. I heard music playing from her room, which turned off as soon I heard it as if she was listening to it while getting ready. But better than anything else, the place smelled like her. Her sweet perfume wafted all around me. I was losing my mind. A woman had never affected me this way, and I didn’t hate it. I was no longer going to run from whatever was happening with us. “All ready,” she said as she came out of her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. I stood to the side as she locked up, and occasionally, the breeze would blow her perfume my way. Moving closer to her, I ran my nose up the side of her hair and breathed her in deeply. “You smell amazing.”

She stilled, her keys dangling from her fingers. “Thank you.” When I pulled away, I took her hand in mine, and we walked together to my car. There was a burger place close to King Street that I had never tried, but it looked like the kind of place she would enjoy. The atmosphere was comfortable with framed pictures of all things Charleston everywhere. Twinkling lights dangled above the entrance, and music played throughout the place. “Hey, y’all.” A waitress passed us when we entered. “Sit wherever you’d like, and I’ll be over in a bit to take your drink order.” I looked over at Shannon with a raised brow. “Is this one-star enough for you?” She giggled behind her hand. “Oh, no. This is definitely at least a two.” As promised, we ate greasy burgers and drank cheap soda, and as always when I was with Shannon, I laughed until my stomach and cheeks hurt. It took nearly twenty minutes for me to talk her into allowing me to pay for dinner, and then we were back in my car. It wasn’t technically a date, or at least that was what I told her, but I still wasn’t ready to take her home. Once she realized we were headed in the opposite direction of her apartment, she looked over at me and grinned.

“Where are we going?” “I thought we’d do something crazy again.” “Oh, God. My tongue’s finally normal again. Nothing that involves my mouth.” I laughed. “Damn. I was hoping for a lot of mouth action tonight,” I joked. She poked me in my side, and I grinned over at her, picking up her hand and kissing her knuckles. She tensed. I noticed she did that a lot with me, but it was strange because I was sure she was starting to trust me. She had to know I would never do anything she wasn’t ready to do. Ten minutes later, we pulled up outside the tattoo parlor, and she sucked in a breath. “You’re not serious with this.” I snickered. “I definitely am. I’ve been wanting to poke you for a while now.” She snorted. “You’re such a pervert.” “That I am.” I put my car in park. “Come on, Wild Thing, let’s go get you poked.” She laughed, and when I took her hand outside my car, she slid her soft fingers between mine and walked inside with me. A tiny seashell was what she chose. Taking the saying “coming out of her shell” literally. It was cute. The tattoo artist, a large man with a large beard named Bruce, had her relax back in the chair.

“Where are we putting this thing?” he asked. She looked up at me before grabbing the bottom of her dress. She pulled it up deliberately, revealing the creamy skin of her knees and then her curvy thighs. She tugged a little too much, and I could see the lacy black panties she was wearing. My breath hitched. I’d seen naked women many times, but with just a bit of thigh and a panty shot from Shannon and I was rock hard. “I want it there,” she said, pointing at the top of her thigh. My mouth went dry. The tattoo artist laid the stencil against her skin and pulled it away, leaving the lines of a seashell on her skin. “Okay. Are you ready?” he asked. She nodded, nibbling on her bottom lip with excitement in her eyes. She hissed as the needle entered her skin, and her eyes shot to mine. She closed her eyes in pain, and her mouth opened, but instead of discomfort, the look resembled the pleasured ache of an impending orgasm. My cock grew harder. I couldn’t believe I was getting aroused by her pain, but the faces she made, the way she breathed and moaned in agony ... I was sure it was exactly how she would sound if I ever got the chance to make her come. No.

Fuck that. When I made her come because it was happening. I was going to feel this woman if it was the last thing I ever did. Standing to the side, I watched for forty minutes as the tattoo artist drew the perfect seashell on her thigh. His glove-covered palm sliding over her skin, lifting her dress higher sometimes. I found myself jealous of him. He was touching her. Feeling her. Drawing a sexy reaction from her. Those were all things I wanted to do, and I would. Starting tonight, I was going to make my move. There would be more than kisses—more than whispered lips—there would be touching and pleasure. “All done?” I asked when the artist wiped her tattoo with cleaner and began to wrap it. “All done,” he answered. “You sat like a champ, baby,” he said to Shannon. I didn’t like him calling her baby. She wasn’t his fucking baby. And seeing her glow under his pet name only made my hackles rise higher. I paid for her tattoo while he was getting her set up, which she bitched about, and then we were off again, heading back toward my part of town. “So where to now?” she asked. “My place?”

She grinned over at me, her green eyes sparkling in the lights outside my car. “Okay.” “Okay?” I asked to be sure. She nodded. “Take me to your place.”

FOURTEEN SHANNON I WAS A WILD WOMAN. That was what Matthew turned me into. I got piercings and tattoos, and when I sat in the chair at the tattoo parlor, I became aroused watching Matthew watch me while another man poked my body. It was the way he was looking at me while the needle penetrated my skin. His breathing was heavier. His eyes glued to my flesh. And when I looked down, I could see the noticeable bulge in his jeans. He was hard. For me. He wanted me. “Do you want something to drink?” he asked as he went into the kitchen and pulled open his refrigerator. “Yes, please.” He bent over, and I let my eyes move over his body and across his ass. He really was amazing to

look at. Tall. Dark. Gorgeous. When he looked at me as if he wanted to devour me, it did something to my body and mind. Something I was ready to investigate. I didn’t wait for him to come back over to me with a bottle of water. Instead, I went to him. When he turned around, I put my arms around his neck, pressed my body against his, and kissed him. The two bottles of water fell to the floor, the plastic meeting the wood before rolling under the kitchen island He growled against my lips, walking me backward until my butt pressed against the cold marble countertop. He pushed his long fingers into the hair at my temples and tilted my head to deepen the kiss. I matched him stroke for stroke, taking in his taste and breathing him in until I felt as if I was ready to shatter. I was hot, my entire body flaming for him, and when he reached down and ran his fingers across my thigh, careful not to touch the bandaged space where my new ink was, I released his lips and moaned in pleasure. Our heavy breaths filled the silence of the room around us, but when he pushed his thumb under my panty line and ran it across my freshly shaved

center, I cried out. His eyes opened, and he looked me in the eye. I swallowed hard, unsure of what I was doing, but sure I couldn’t stop it. His thumb pressed into me, sliding across my wet clit and making my knees buckle. “Matthew?” I whispered, not exactly sure what I was asking him. “Yeah?” “I feel so …” I stopped. No words in the English language could describe what I was feeling. At least none in my mind since he had shattered all rational thought the second he began to move his thumb in a circular motion. “What? Tell me how you feel?” He leaned in, brushing his mouth across my cheek. “I feel hot all over.” His lips skimmed my neck before his tongue peeked out, and he tasted me. “You taste so good,” he muttered against my skin. “What you feel’s normal. Everything’s perfect.” His thumb moved down, pressing at my entrance and swirling in the liquid heat seeping from my body. “So wet for me,” he whispered. Then he shocked me when he pulled his thumb away from my body and stuck it in his mouth,

sucking my juices from his skin. “Fuck, you’re sweet, Red.” He kissed me, and I could taste exactly how sweet I was. His hand went back between my thighs, pushing my panties to the side so he could thrust two thick fingers inside me. I gasped, and my eyes popped open, the sensation confusing me. It felt amazing—my body pouring for him— opening like it hadn’t opened in years, but at the same time, a deadlock flew over my emotions, caging me in and making me claustrophobic. My body and everything I was feeling melted away, leaving only space for the memories—reminding me of the last time I’d felt something pressed into my body. The pressure. The intrusion. It all floated through my mind like black and white clouds of disgust. “Stop!” I screamed as I pushed at his arm like a mad woman, dislodging his fingers from inside me. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” he asked, his eyes full of worry. I pushed him away, and he moved back toward me out of concern. It was wrong, and I knew I would feel bad about it later, but I yelled, “Get away from me!” He backed away, his hands up in surrender.

“I don’t know what I did, Shannon, but I’m sorry.” Tears slid over my cheeks, dripping from my chin and filling me with humiliation. “You didn’t …” I started, but then I realized there was no way to fix the situation. So instead, I asked, “Will you please take me home?” He nodded, reaching out and snatching his keys from the counter beside us. No words were exchanged on the way to his car, and we rode in thick silence as he drove me home. When we pulled up in front of my apartment building, I didn’t give him a chance to question me. I pushed the door open, hopped out, and shut the door on him calling out my name.

MY PHONE WAS GOING TO EXPLODE. He blew up my messages with apologies. He had no reason to ask for forgiveness, but I was too embarrassed and upset to respond. Matthew: Whatever I did, I’m sorry. Matthew: Please talk to me. Matthew: I’m an asshole. I’m sorry if I pushed you. Matthew: I don’t care if we never have sex.

Please, Shannon. He tried to call twice, but I sent him straight to voicemail. Finally, around midnight, he texted one last time. Matthew: I’m sorry. Good night. At some point during the night, I heard Lilly and Devin come home. They giggled down the hallway before there was the sound of a door shutting and the sounds of sex coming from her room. Her bed squeaking mixed with his moans and growls and her high-pitched orgasms were too much. I stuck my earbuds in, put on some music, and fell asleep with tears on my pillow and memories smashing my happiness to nothing.

THE FOLLOWING MORNING, I FELT EVEN WORSE. Poor Matthew was at his house worried he had done something when he hadn’t. If anything, he made things better. So much better. But I guess I really wasn’t ready, even if my body was telling me I was. I rolled over and grabbed my phone from the

nightstand and texted him right away. Me: I’m sorry I freaked out on you last night. You did nothing wrong. Can we please forget it happened? He didn’t respond right away. It wasn’t until I was getting out of the shower that my phone beeped. Matthew: Forget what? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I smiled down at my phone. Me: Thank you. There was something I had to finally admit. I was falling for Matthew. I knew it, and it terrified me, but after I freaked out on him, I was sure he would never come back around me again. Getting dressed, I left the apartment before Devin and Lilly woke up and went to Twin Oaks to see Grammy. “Hey, Grammy, how are you feeling today?” I asked, setting a bag containing a new outfit on her bed. She was crocheting and watching her programs.

Smiling, she looked up at me. “Hey, hon, you just missed my gentleman friend,” she said, swiping a length of yarn over her finger. We discussed this every time, whether she knew who I was or thought I was a nurse visiting. I had no idea why she was making up visits, but I had a conversation with her doctor about it, and he seemed to think it was normal, so I played along. “Oh, really. That’s nice. What did you guys do?” She filled me in on her pretend visit, saying they ate an early lunch together before he ran off literally minutes before I entered her room. I shook my head, listening and knowing she was doing everything she could to cure the loneliness, even if that meant making up a person to visit with her. It wasn’t long before she went away and began calling me nurse. I spent the rest of the visit pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I was sad, and my heart was breaking, but when I got up to leave, she came back in time to tell me she loved me and to hug me. It was a joyful moment in the mix of sadness, but I would take it nonetheless. By the time I got home, I was determined not to let my past keep me from a happy future. Not saying that Matthew was going to be a part of my

future since I had no idea what he was thinking in terms of where I stood in his life, but I wanted normal. Normal relationships. Normal thoughts. And a normal sex life. Even though I no longer had my pop’s wedding band for good luck, it was time I received my precious moment in time. If we were just passing through, then I wanted to spend that time with someone who looked at me the way Pop used to look at Grammy. As soon as I stepped into our apartment, I knew Lilly was gone for the night, and a note on the kitchen counter confirmed that. I went into my room, stripped my clothes, and showered. With a towel wrapped around my body and one drying my hair, I swiped my phone and texted Matthew with renewed determination. Me: Hi. Matthew: Hey, gorgeous. Feeling better today? Me: I feel perfect. I want to see you. A few minutes passed, making me feel like maybe he wasn’t going to respond. And then finally … Matthew: I’m all yours. What did you have in

mind? Me: Drinks. Lots and lots of drinks. Matthew: Lol ok. So a club? Dancing? Or a bar? I hated going to clubs full of half-naked women with beautiful bodies, but the bars had alcohol, and if I were going to go through with my plan to seduce Matthew, I needed all the alcohol in Charleston. Me: A bar sounds perfect. I’m not much for dancing. What time? Matthew: I’ll be there to pick you up at 9. I typed out my response, took a deep breath, and pressed send. Me: See you then.

FIFTEEN MATTHEW

DROPPING MY KEYS ON THE COUNTER, I pulled open the refrigerator for a bottle of water. Running always cleared my head, so after an early lunch with my new friend Iris, I came and ran the length of Battery Front Park. As soon as I walked in my door and was tugging my shirt over my head, my phone buzzed with a text message from Shannon. She wanted to see me. Wanted to go out drinking, which I wasn’t sure was a great idea for either of us. At least not until I figured her out. Her reaction the night before had confused me. I stared down at my phone, feeling unsure of her response. Red: See you then. Something was up. After the way she reacted to my touch, it was obvious Shannon was dealing with dark demons. I wanted her to talk to me about it—

open up and let me in so I could fight whatever it was stalking her. I would do that for her. I would slay her demons. One thing was for sure. After watching her storm away from me and feeling the desperation of needing her to come back, I was prepared to admit I was falling for Shannon hard. It didn’t make any sense. After years of keeping my distance from emotions and women, I couldn’t get close enough to Shannon. I wanted to be with her all the time. Touching her. Laughing with her. It was all I wanted. All I needed. The rest could come when she was ready, and if by some chance she was never ready to move to the next level with me, then so be it. We could cross that bridge when we got to it. I was going to tell her that tonight after the bar. It was time I sat her down and told her what we were doing was no longer just about sex. It was so much more to me now. So. Much. More.

I KNOCKED ON HER DOOR A

LITTLE BEFORE NINE. She stepped out into the breezeway of her apartment building without inviting me to come inside. She was wearing yet another dress. This one the color of fall leaves with tiny bits of green. It had long sleeves with a low-cut neckline and fell just above her knee. She had a thing for wearing dresses that showed off her gorgeous legs. My eyes dipped down, following the curve of her knee and landing on the brown suede boots she was wearing. She looked amazing as usual, but instead of saying something and making her feel uncomfortable again, I looked away and ran my fingers through my hair to keep from touching her. “I take it Lilly and Devin are inside?” I asked since she was so quick to keep me from going inside her apartment. “Yep.” Her smile was different. As if she was trying extra hard to be happy. “Everything okay?” She nodded, and her smile slipped into something a little more genuine. “Everything’s fine. I promise.” Once we were in my car and our seat belts were buckled, she turned my way with an excited smile. “Which bar are we going to? I haven’t been to many.” I chuckled. “So another wild woman night

then?” She had been pierced and tattooed. Now it was time to go bar hopping, apparently. She giggled. “Another wild woman night sounds fun. Let’s do that.” “Ever been to The Waterfront?” I asked. Her eyes went wide. “I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never been.” “Well, there’s a first time for everything.” I took a back way to The Waterfront on a road that ran alongside the coast. Shannon stared out at the moonlight reflecting on the water as I drove. Every now and again, I’d peek over at her and take in her profile. The tilt of her chin and slide of her cheek. She was beautiful, and tonight, I planned to make her mine. Not sexually, since it was obvious she wasn’t ready for that, but completely mine. The Waterfront didn’t disappoint with its lavish setting and back deck on the water. Shannon was in awe of the beautiful view and so was I. While she was looking at the water and the view of the bridge in the background, I was looking at her. “Hey, Matt, what’s up, man?” Curtis asked as he passed me with a girl on his arm. She was cute. A tiny brunette with too much makeup and not enough clothes. “I’m good. Where’s your brother?” I hadn’t

thought about the fact that Curtis and Jonathan would be there as well as everyone else I knew. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t hiding Shannon from them. I was more worried about hiding them from her. They were the embarrassing ones. She wasn’t. “He’s out and about. Probably on the yacht with his newest fling.” As he said this, he eyes trailed over Shannon in a way that made me uncomfortable. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” he asked her. She smiled up at him and shook her head. “I don’t I think so. I’m sorry.” “You look awfully familiar.” “I hear that a lot.” He turned back to me. “Coming over to shut the night down with us?” We usually ended our nights out on the yacht, passing out in one of the rooms below deck. “Not tonight, but maybe next go ‘round.” Again, his eyes moved over Shannon. “Yeah. Maybe. Okay, man, have fun. See you later.” “You too.” Their interaction seemed strange, at least on Curtis’s end. Shannon was oblivious to him and his new fling, focusing more on the sights around her and the million-dollar view. “This is beautiful,” she said, taking it all in. “Agreed.” But I wasn’t looking at the view; I

was looking at her. She turned my way and blushed when she realized my eyes were on her. The night was great; Shannon drank and laughed. She chatted with my friends when they stopped by as if she had known them her entire life, and they seemed to like her. She wasn’t usually so open and excited, but every time she lifted her cup to sip her drink, I knew it was the alcohol talking. The more she drank, the happier she became. She moved closer and her hands explored my knee, working its way up throughout the night until she was leaning against me, snuggling into my side, and kissing me sweetly on the neck. I had stopped drinking an hour in after seeing how heavily she was drinking, so I was sober. And while I was thoroughly enjoying her attention, I knew she was drunk. “How about we get you home?” I said, rubbing the top of her hand as she ran it beneath my shirt. “Your stomach is so flat,” she said in awe. I chuckled. “It’s so …” She ran her fingers over my ab muscles, and I swallowed hard, trying to ignore how wonderful her fingers felt against my skin. “There are all these ripples and muscles. It’s really sexy, Matthew.” She was whispering in my ear, her voice effectively traveling down my body and landing in

my balls. My cock was already standing with her attention, but I knew I couldn’t let it go anywhere. Not while she was drunk and unaware of what she was doing. Her hand shifted lower, and I covered it with mine, pulling it back up and away from my dick. “I definitely think it’s time to go home,” I said, pulling away a bit and grabbing her hand. Her glassy eyes lit up, and she grinned. “I agree. Take me home. Take me and show me what it is you do to make women fall at your feet. Loosen me up, Matthew. Make me fall at your feet and forget it all.” Her words stopped me. “What are you trying to forget?” I was definitely missing something. She waved her hand and giggled. “Nothing.” She stood from her seat and leaned against me, making me laugh. “You’re drunk. Come on.” “I’m coming. I’m coming,” she muttered, tripping over her feet a little. “Oh, wait. No, I’m not coming … yet.” She laughed at her own joke, making me chuckle. “Silly girl.” I started walking her toward the exit. The quicker I could get her in my car and home, the better. “I’m not a girl, Matthew,” she said, tapping the

tip of my nose with her finger. “I’m a woman. Look at all this womanly-ness.” She made a sweeping gesture over her body with her arm and then grabbed her breast. Thankfully, we were already in the parking lot and no one got a view of her grabbing herself. Honestly, if she wasn’t wasted, I would have enjoyed the view, but I knew she wasn’t herself. “Yes, you’re all woman, baby. Trust me. I know.” “Aww, you called me baby. That’s so freaking sweet. I like it when you call me sweet names.” We stopped at my car as I dug out my keys to open the passenger side door for her. She stopped me, reaching up and grabbing me by the face with both hands. “Did you hear me? I said I like you, Matthew.” I looked down at her, wishing she meant it and that it wasn’t just the alcohol talking, but I could see in her glazed red eyes and hear in the slur of her voice that she had no idea what she was saying. Tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, I leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. “I like you, too, Shannon. So much.” With those words, she pressed against me, pulling me in and kissing me harder than she ever had. Losing her hands up the front of my shirt, she ran her fingers up my chest before moving them around my back and down to grab my ass.

I pulled away from the kiss. “Whoa, babe, let’s slow down and get you home.” She pouted. “Why are you stopping this? I want you.” I chuckled, knowing she was out of it. “Yeah, well, we can’t do it here against my car in the middle of the parking lot, now can we?” I wasn’t going to have sex with her when she was drunk. I wanted her—there was no doubt about that—but I wanted her to know I was inside her when it finally happened. My words worked, and she let me put her in the car and buckle her in. By the time I was halfway across town, she was snoring in the seat beside me. I wanted to take her back to my place, but something told me that wasn’t a great idea. I wasn’t a weak man, but Shannon made me that way. I wasn’t sure I could continue to push her away every time she drunkenly threw herself at me, and I didn’t want to take any chances. I shut my car off when I pulled up to her apartment building, and before waking her, I sat and watched her sleep soundly for a bit. From the flutter of her lashes against her cheek to the sleepy pout on her soft lips, she was winning me over. I could hardly believe it, but I was done for. Reaching out, I slipped my fingers through her hair, cupping her chin and running my thumb over

her cheek. I wanted her. Not just sexually, but completely. Her eyes opened a bit, and she yawned. “Are we there?” she asked, her voice still slurred from too many drinks. I nodded. “We’re at your place. Let’s get you inside and tucked in, okay?” Lilly and Devin weren’t there, as usual, so I took Shannon into her room and sat her on the bed. Her room was simple and clean with white bedroom furniture and gray walls. There were pictures of her and her friends and a vanity with lotions and sprays. Sheer curtains hung from the two windows, moving with the breeze of her ceiling fan. Her closet door was open, allowing me to see the loads of clothes, shoes, and purses she had. It was all Shannon. It even smelled like her. I pulled her shoes off her feet and helped her onto the bed. Pulling the blanket up around her shoulders, I pressed a soft kiss against her forehead. “Call me tomorrow.” She nodded with closed eyes. I turned away, ready to leave her and go home, but just as I was about to leave her room, she called out my name. “Yeah?” I turned around, taking in the view of her in bed without me. “Please stay,” she said softly. The begging quality of her voice was doing me in, and I knew

even though it would be hell lying next to her without touching her, I couldn’t say no. I shut her bedroom door, closing us in together, and then I slipped my shoes off. Climbing into bed with her, I pulled back the blanket and slid in next to her warm body. She moved against me, and I clenched my eyes closed, enjoying the feel of having her so close. Her fingers tangled in the collar of my shirt, and she worked her face between my shoulder and my chin, her sweet breath rushing over my neck with every breath she took. It was hell. It was heaven. “Good night,” she muttered against my skin, sending my body into overdrive. “Good night,” I responded. Swallowing hard, I lay there and stare at the ceiling until I heard her softly begin to snore. She wanted me to stay, but I couldn’t. It was torture on my body knowing she was there, willing and ready. I wouldn’t sleep … not with her curves pressed so tightly to every part of my body. As soon as she drifted into a deep sleep, I slipped from her bed, put on my shoes, and crept from her room. I was halfway through the apartment, getting close to the door when a light flicked on in the kitchen. I turned quickly to find Devin standing in the

kitchen staring back at me. “What the fuck are you doing here, Matthew?” he asked, his accusing eyes trailing over me. “You want the truth or the lie?” “Fuck you. You know I want the truth. Are you fucking with Shannon now? Because I don’t think Lilly would like that too much, and anything that makes Lilly unhappy makes me unhappy.” I nodded. “This is different,” I said, hoping that was enough of an explanation for him. “It’s never different with you.” He moved out of the kitchen, coming to stand toe to toe with me. His eyes moved over my face, and his tense jaw went slack. “Holy shit,” he muttered to himself. “What?” I asked defensively. He chuckled and shook his head. “This is exactly what you get, motherfucker.” Again, he laughed. “What the fuck are you talking about, man?” “You’ll see. I don’t need to kick your ass. Being in love is like a punch to the gut. You’re already fucked, and you don’t even know it.” At that, he chuckled once more before he turned away and started down the hallway. “Lock up on your way out and good luck.” And then he was gone. In the distance, I heard the soft click of a bedroom door and then the apartment was silent.

I locked the door and went to my car. I’d come a long way, that was for sure. I had left a willing woman in her bed alone. That had to be a sign I was truly losing my shit. My house was empty and dark, and I didn’t bother turning on any lights as I went to my room and peeled my clothes from my body. Just as I was climbing into bed, my phone buzzed. Thinking it was Shannon, I snatched my phone from the side table and swiped my thumb across the screen to open my messages. Corrine: Up for a late-night fuck? I didn’t bother responding. Instead, I closed my messages, set my phone back next to the side of the bed, and went to sleep.

SIXTEEN SHANNON A MACK TRUCK. THAT WAS WHAT HAD HIT ME THE NIGHT BEFORE. It was the only logical reason for me to be aching all over. At some point during the night, I’d been run over and then backed over. My entire body was sore, and my head pounded so badly that even turning over nearly did me in. My memory was skewed. I remembered Matthew being there and us going out to the bar, but I had no idea how I got home or if anything happened between us. Sitting up in bed, I moaned when my skull rang with what felt like a hit from a sledgehammer. I rubbed my temples and fell back against my pillow. Nausea roiled around my stomach and made me gag. I was in hangover hell. It was a bad place. I never wanted to go there again.

Rolling onto my side, I see a tiny piece of paper with my name scribbled across the top on my bedside table. I snatched the paper from the table and read it. You’re adorable when you sleep. Also, you snore. I covered my face with my hands, smiling against my palms. Swiping my phone, I sent him a quick text. Me: Lies. I don’t snore. I sleep like an angel. A few minutes passed before he texted back. Matthew: True. You do sleep like an angel. An angel who snores. Matthew: How’s the hangover? Me: Very hangover-y Matthew: Lol. Bite the dog. It’s the only way. Me: If I even think about alcohol, I’ll get sick. Me: I’m sorry if I did anything inappropriate last night. Matthew: No worries. I like you inappropriate. ;) I chuckled.

Matthew: You owe me, though. When can I collect? Me: I owe you? What do I owe you? Matthew: I went home with a nasty set of blue balls after you groped me all night. Thankfully, I’m a nice guy and didn’t take advantage. Me: Aw, I’m sorry. Thank you for being a nice guy. Matthew: You’re welcome. You can pay me back later by having dinner with me? I smiled. I wanted nothing more than to see him again. I loved being around him. Me: What time? Matthew: I’ll pick you up at 6. Me: Ok. See you then. Matthew: Think about me today. I giggled, making my head hurt worse. Me: I will. You think about me, too. Matthew: I always think about you. I set my phone down and covered my face yet again. What was I getting myself into with him?

AFTER I HAD DOWNED THREE IBUPROFEN, I started to feel human again. I managed to shower and get to work, which I didn’t think would be possible. I vowed never to drink the night before work again. When I walked into Franklin’s, Lilly’s eyes went wide. “You look like death. Are you okay?” I nodded, dragging myself across the room and behind the jewelry counter. “Are you sure? I’m not being rude, but I’ve never seen you like this. Did something happen?” “Yes. Tequila and a few others happened.” I tossed my purse under the counter and flopped down onto the stool. She giggled. “Oh, you have a hangover? That sucks.” “Very much so.” Lilly was in good spirits again, considering what she had gone through recently. I was glad to see her getting back out there and coming back to work. I just hoped she was ready. The good news was she had Devin. I was starting to see the appeal behind him. He was a nice guy, and he treated Lilly like a priceless item. Not only that, I was starting to understand how she could enjoy his hands all over her. I could understand the bed squeaking down the hallway,

and the sounds of pleasure spilling from the room. Those were all things I was beginning to want more and more, but I knew getting myself drunk to go through with it wasn’t one of my best ideas. Not to mention, Matthew was evidently too much of a gentleman to take advantage. I loved that about him. “So what have you been doing lately?” Lilly asked. “You seem to be gone a lot. I hope it’s not because Devin is at our place all the time.” “Not at all. I like Devin. He’s a good guy. I’ve just been out and dealing with things with Grammy.” I wasn’t confident enough to tell her about Matthew yet. Not to mention, I wasn’t sure how she felt about me being around him after the big blowup at her birthday party. “How’s she doing? Your grammy? Is there anything you need?” I knew what she was getting at, but I wasn’t desperate enough to have her ask her mom for financial help. Not yet anyway. I’d been saving every dime I had, hoping I would be able to cover costs when it was time to pay, but so far, it wasn’t looking very good. I applied for other jobs and everything, but even though there were plenty of places to work, no one was calling me back. It was stressful, but I wasn’t going to give up on

Grammy. I couldn’t. And if the time came when payment was due, and I didn’t have the money, then I would go to Lilly. Until then, there was still a chance. Three hours went by and Lilly and I did our usual things once the store was caught up and all the cases were stocked, which was sitting and watching soap operas on the small TV in the back. My phone rang, and I pulled it out of my pocket. Seeing Matthew’s name on the screen, I stepped out of the store and onto the sidewalk out front so Lilly wouldn’t hear my conversation. “Hey,” he said. “Hey.” “How are you feeling?” “I’m feeling much better. Thank you for asking.” “Of course. So I was thinking we would do a five-star tonight. Are you down with that?” I hadn’t gone to one of his fancy places yet. It was the least I could do, considering he had gotten me home safe and untouched the night before. “Okay. Sounds good. What should I wear?” He chuckled. “Anything you want. You look great in everything.” “Fine. I’ll wear a paper bag,” I joked. “Now that sounds hot. Definitely wear a paper bag. Wet it a bit before I get there and maybe I’ll be

able to see through it.” “Pervert.” “Tease.” “Whatever. How have I teased you?” He laughed. “Excuse me but I’m the one who remembers last night, Miss Handsy.” I covered my face and groaned in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry about that.” “Don’t be, but the next time you decide to get touchy-feely, make sure you’re sober so I can take advantage. Deal?” “Deal.” I wasn’t sure how it was possible, but Matthew was winning me over. Maybe it was because I was starting to see what a nice guy he was. Maybe because I knew most of what people saw when they looked at him was a front. That beneath it all, he was genuine with a heart of gold and a sweet soul. Either way, I was falling for him, and there was nothing I could do to stop myself. I went back to my apartment early to dress for the fancy restaurant. I wasn’t feeling one hundred percent, but I was feeling well enough to go out for dinner. When he picked me up, he was wearing an expensive suit and his Rolex. Men and their watches. Sexy. His hair was damp and looked as though he had

fingered it into a messy, sexy style. He was freshly shaved with just the perfect amount of hair on his chin and around his lips. He grinned at me when I opened the door, and his eyes fell down my body in a slow, lazy perusal, making me glad I went home and changed into something a bit more appropriate. “Damn, Red, your legs are amazing,” he said as his eyes made their way back up from my ankles. “So long and smooth.” He shuddered like I was giving him chills, and I felt myself blush all over. “Thank you.” He moved in and pressed a soft kiss on my cheek. “You look beautiful.” I believed him. I had never believed anyone when they told me I was pretty, but something about the way he said it and the look in his eyes when he pulled away from me … He sincerely thought I was gorgeous, and I had never felt more fabulous in all my life. “So do you,” I said. He did. Dear God, he looked edible. I locked the door behind me, and we held hands to his car. His long fingers were warm in mine, and on occasion, he would slide his thumb over my knuckles. We didn’t drive far before we pulled in front of a downtown restaurant named Bellacino’s. The

brick exterior was weathered with age, and the sidewalk was made of cobblestone older than my grammy. A young man in a white coat took Matthew’s keys and parked his car while we made our way to the front door. Surrounded by old gardens and wrought iron fencing, the entrance glowed with the soft romantic light of gas lanterns. It was beautiful. A young lady at the door knew Matthew by name and didn’t ask any questions before she took us to the very back and seated us at a quiet, secluded table for two. It was like we had taken a vacation to Italy. All brick walls and beautiful scenery. The table we sat at was next to a large window overlooking Charleston. Lights glittered in the distance, and I took a deep breath, feeling relaxed as I looked out at the beauty of our city. I heard Matthew ordering a bottle of wine and chatting with the waitress, but I was still taking in the glitz and gorgeousness of the room. It was definitely a far cry from our little two-star burger joint. “You okay, babe?” he asked. My cheeks glowed when he called me babe. I loved it when he called me sweet pet names. “I’m just in awe. This place is beautiful.” “Then it’s perfect for you.” I turned, and my eyes met his.

No one had ever treated me the way he was treating me. A precious moment in time. I smiled. “Thank you for bringing me here.” “Thank you for coming with me.” When it was time to order, I lifted my menu and gasped at the prices. “Don’t look at the prices. Just pick whatever you want,” Matthew said when he saw my expression. But even though he told me to pick whatever I wanted, I still got the cheapest thing on the menu. We drank wine with a glowing candle between us, and Matthew didn’t take his hands off me. Whether he was tracing my knuckles with his fingertip or linking our fingers together, he made sure we remained connected in some way throughout dinner. The food was delicious, and when it was time for dessert, we ordered a coffee cake and shared it. By the time we finished eating, I was stuffed and ready for a nap. “I’ll be right back,” he said, standing. My eyes trailed over his body as he made his way across the restaurant and toward what I assumed was the restroom. I sat back in my chair, taking a moment to let my stomach settle and take in the beauty of the room, when the table vibrated and made me jerk. I

sat up, trying to figure out what it was when it vibrated once more and my eyes moved over to his iPhone. He’d left it lying on the table without a lock on the screen and my eyes casually moved over the incoming text. Corrine: I want you. Tonight? I wasn’t usually one to look at someone else’s phone, but without thinking, I snatched it from the table and checked the message. Only crazy women checked their man’s phone, so I must have been a complete psycho since I was checking Matthew’s phone and he wasn’t even my man. My eyes scanned over a message from the night before, and my heart dropped. Corrine: Up for a late-night fuck? There were text messages before that one. Dirty ones about blow jobs and naked pictures of her perfect breasts and tiny waist. I felt sick just thinking about him with another woman, but that was my own fault. Obviously, Matthew was gorgeous. Obviously, women wanted him. He was a man. What had he said before when I’d asked him if it was annoying to be flirted with all the time?

“What man in his right mind would be annoyed by that?” It was more than obvious he enjoyed the attention of women. Why not enjoy their bodies, as well? Bodies nothing like mine. Thin. Trim. Toned. Skinny. Meanwhile, my thigh gap was nonexistent, and I was about eighty pounds overweight. There were no defined muscles in my body, and the only thing slim and trim on me was my ankles and wrists, and that was only when I wasn’t bloated. I realized something else. The text was from the night before. The same night where he had left me untouched in my bed. Obviously, he had gone to her and got what he wanted. The same thing he didn’t want from me. He’d called me handsy and said I’d left him with blue balls. Surely, I had tried to sleep with him. Yet he had dropped me off at my house and gone to another woman. The pain lanced through me, making me suck in a strangled breath. I dropped his phone to the table, stood from my seat, grabbed my purse, and walked out of the restaurant.

It was embarrassing, to say the least, being wracked with jealousy. Honestly, I knew I had no right since he wasn’t my property, but it hurt so bad I could feel the tears rushing to my eyes. And the last thing I wanted was for him to see me crying. I was just going out the door when I heard him call my name. I didn’t wait. Instead, I pretended not to hear him and went through the door. The weather was chilly, and I didn’t have a way home. It wasn’t like taxi cabs were everywhere in Charleston, but after seeing his phone and walking out, I couldn’t stick around. So I walked quickly, hoping I could turn the corner and be out of sight before he came after me. I wasn’t that lucky. Just as I was turning the corner, he was calling my name behind me. I heard the tap of his shoes against the cobblestones and then he grabbed my arm. “Hey,” he said, out of breath. “I swear nothing happened.” Great. He knew why I was upset. More than likely, he’d gone back to the table to pay and saw his phone opened to her message sitting on the table. Why hadn’t I gone back to the home screen? “Did you hear me?” he asked, spinning me around to face him. I didn’t realize my tears had escaped until he

reached up and ran his thumb across my cheek to wipe one away. “I didn’t go through your phone. You had a text and …” I stopped, suddenly feeling crazy and stupid. I didn’t even know what we were doing anymore, but I was positive I had no right to look at his phone, much less be upset by the messages on it. “Her pictures. She had an amazing body. Is that the kind of women you like? Because if so, that’s not me.” I motioned at my body. “No,” he said, his voice sounded depraved. “I mean, you’re nothing like Corrine. You’re what I want.” Lies. “If I’m what you want, then why did you leave my bed for hers?” Again, the tears clogged my throat. I hated being emotional in front of people. Showing feelings was a great way to get them hurt. “Just forget it,” I said, turning away. “No.” He grabbed my arm. “I promise you, Shannon. I went home and went to bed. I saw her text last night, but I ignored it. I should have deleted her messages, but I wasn’t thinking. I swear, I’m not messing with her anymore. She was just a fling. You’re …” He stopped.

The chilly breeze was making me shiver, so he reached out and ran his palms over my arms. “I’m what?” Emotional? Crazy? Completely freaking psychotic? That was certainly how I felt. “You’re definitely not a fling, and I love your body. At least what I’ve seen of it. Corrine was just there. Someone who was unattached like me, but it’s different with you. I never took her to dinner or kissed her on a swing. She’s never slept at my place. We’ve never even eaten a meal together. She’s got nothing on you. Please believe me.” His eyes were wild as he tried to convince me, and something about the desperation in his voice was gradually melting my resolve. Not to mention, I had no right to look at his phone. He wasn’t mine. I didn’t own him. I nodded. “You believe me?” he asked. Again, I nodded. “I’m sorry,” I apologized. His eyes got wide and confusion swept across his brow. “You’re sorry?” “Yes. I had no business touching your phone. Who you’re with and not with is none of my business. Honestly, now that the moment is over, I’m totally embarrassed that I got a bit jealous.” His face cleared, and a tiny smile tugged at his

lips before he let go and laughed. “What’s funny?” I asked. “If you’re apologizing for being jealous, then I suppose I should apologize, too.” It was my turn to be confused. “I’m not following.” “The night you slept on my couch and you were talking in your sleep, you mentioned another guy. I hated it so much that you were dreaming about someone else. It made me … well, jealous.” My mouth popped open. “I wasn’t dreaming of anyone. More like having a nightmare. Trust me. Another man in my life will never be a problem.” He sighed, running his hands through his dark hair and chuckled. “I guess we’re both a bit crazy then, huh?” I nodded, feeling a smile pull at my mouth. “Yeah, I guess so. The best ones usually are, though, right?” He laughed. “That’s true. Come on.” He slid his fingers between mine, and I let him. “What are we doing now?” I asked. “Do you want to go back to my place?” He lifted my hand to his mouth and softly kissed my knuckles. I nodded, biting my lip to keep from grinning. “I do, but first, more wine.” His place was becoming comfortable. More so than my own apartment, which was bizarre.

I kicked off my flats as soon as we entered his place and the lights clicked on. “I’m stuffed,” I said, hopping onto one of the kitchen stools while he went for a bottle of water. “Me too. Thirsty?” he asked, holding up a bottle of water. “I’m good, thanks.” “So,” he said, coming over to where I was sitting. Leaning against the counter at my side, he took a drink from his water. “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” I asked. I grinned, the wine from the restaurant buzzing through my veins just enough to relax me. He chuckled. “Don’t ask me that.” I pulled him closer to me, swinging my stool around until I could rest my knees against his thighs. He was technically between my legs, yet he wasn’t touching anything that was begging for his touch. He reached out, fingering a strand of my hair. “I’ve never been this way with a woman before.” “What way?” “This way,” he said, motioning back and forth between us. “It’s always been just sex and nothing else.” I leaned back. “I’m sorry.” “No. I like it. I like what we are doing.”

I had no idea what it was we were doing. I knew where my mind was, but I wasn’t sure about where his was. I didn’t want to think something was there that wasn’t. “What exactly are we doing?” I asked, afraid his answer would hurt me. I was well past caring for Matthew. I had fallen. I just wasn’t sure how far I’d fallen yet. “We’re spending time together. Getting to know each other. Then we’ll see where it goes, I guess.” “Where it goes sexually, or where it goes emotionally?” He leaned in, pressing his lips to mine sweetly. “Both,” he said against my mouth. Moving his lips to my cheek, he pressed yet another kiss there. “I’m not hiding from you, Shannon. I can be honest. It’s no secret I want to have sex with you. You’re driving me crazy physically, but more times than not, I’m not thinking about sex when I’m with you.” I swallowed, feeling my heart kick into overdrive. “What are you thinking about?” He kissed my ear before leaning back and looking me in the eye. “I’m thinking about how special you are. How you’re more to me than just a quick fuck.” Grabbing him by the sides of his face, I pulled him in to kiss me. Our mouths molded together, and I lost my fingers in the hair on the back of his head.

Sliding to the edge of the stool, I opened my legs wider, allowing him to slide deeper between my legs. My dress scrunched up my thighs, and the cool air was making my skin pebble. I pushed forward, rubbing myself on the front of his pants, needing to feel the friction there. He pulled back, his mouth swollen and wet, and his eyes wide and willing. “If you’re not ready, I understand. We can stop. Just say the words.” My response was pulling him back to me and kissing him hard. I wanted him. I was done waiting. He was the one. He was who I wanted. I had known for a while, but it was time I acted on it. My hands slid down his back until they were resting on his hips. I tugged him forward, enjoying the feel of his hard cock rubbing on me through our clothes. “Oh God, that feels good,” I mumbled. Reaching between us, I began to unbuckle his belt. I wanted to have sex with him, but more than anything, I wanted to touch him. Caress his hardness. Feel his heat. Once he was unbuckled, unbuttoned, and unzipped, I pushed down on his boxers and pants until his cock popped out and fell against my inner thigh. It was hot against my skin, and the feel of skin on skin made me moan in pleasure.

“Are you sure about this, Shannon?” he asked again, desperation lacing every word. “God, yes. I’m so sure,” I said, pressing into him again and enjoying the fact only a thin layer of lace now kept him away from my wet folds. My fingers slid over his heat until I was gripping him. Moving my hand up and down, I enjoyed the feel of the muscle beneath his smooth skin. Laying his head back, he hissed between his teeth, and a pained expression moved over his face. “Fuck, Shannon. Your hands, baby. Your fucking hands feel incredible.” Continuing to explore, I moved my hand lower, letting my fingers glide across the loose sack hanging below his cock. He closed his eyes and dropped his head onto my shoulder. “It’s so smooth and hot,” I said in awe, enjoying my explorations. I had never touched a man like this, and I was glad he was allowing me to explore. “You say that like it’s the first cock you’ve ever touched,” he said, pressing a kiss to the side of my neck. Before I realized what I was saying, the words flew out of my mouth. “It is.” Everything paused, and he pulled away. His eyes skimmed over my face to see if I was joking, and then his brows pulled down in confusion. “Wait,” he said, laying his hands over mine and

stopping my explorations. “How many guys have you been with?” he asked. I didn’t quite know how to answer his question. In my mind, I had technically never been with anyone. The only time was when my body was taken against my will, and during that time, I checked out. I remembered him above me, taking me with a roughness that burned. I remember his crescent-shaped birthmark, and then everything went black until I found myself in the middle of the cornfield. Then again, I had technically been penetrated by one man. Still, I couldn’t allow myself to consider that sex. It wasn’t making love. It wasn’t even consensual. I had never had sex in my life as far as I was concerned. “None,” I answered honestly. Because I hadn’t been with any men. He wasn’t a man. He was a coward. An animal. Dirt. No. Lower than dirt. His eyes widened in shock, and he sucked in a breath. “You’re a virgin? How’s that possible? I mean … men must chase you, right?” I shook my head. “Most men don’t like

overweight women, Matthew.” He snorted. “You’re not overweight. You’re fucking perfect.” “I’m not. We both know I’m not, but thank you for saying it.” “No,” he said, capturing my face in his hands and forcing me to look him in the eye. “Listen to me. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says; you’re perfect.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “Beautiful inside and out.” He kissed my right cheek. “Sexy as hell.” He kissed my left cheek. “And I’m so honored that you’re here with me right now because I’m no fool; I know you’re too good for me. What I’m doing with you is wrong, and I know that. You deserve so much better than me, but I can’t stay away from you.” I kissed him, tasting all that he was. “Then don’t,” I whispered again his lips. He kissed me hard, pulling a soft moan from the back of my throat. My body pressed into his, begging for him. Ready. So completely ready. “You’re driving me crazy, Red.” “No. You’re driving me crazy.” He backed away, pulling me to a standing position. He reached for the hem of my dress and began lifting it.

“I know you hate them, but I only have one question.” His hand slid up the inside of my thigh before he dipped a finger in the top of my panty line and ran it across my lower stomach. “Will you let me lick all your curves?” Biting my lip, I nodded. He tugged my dress over my head, leaving me in nothing but my bra and panties. His eyes devoured my body as he smacked my hands away when I tried to cover myself. Slowly, he peeled my bra straps down and began undoing the back of my bra. He leaned over, latching onto my nipple, and a wild moan escaped my lips. I had never felt anything so potent. Every time he sucked on my nipple, a tugging sensation pulled at my clit as if he was sucking there, as well. While he worked my breasts, his fingers slipped into my panties, pushing them down my ass and over my thighs until they were loose enough to drop to my ankles. He tickled my hip, his fingers walking their way over my flesh until he was teasing my clit with the tip of his finger. “Oh, my God. Matthew,” I breathed his name. He captured my cheeks in his other hand, pinching slightly to get me to look him in the eye. “I’m going to stick my fingers in first. I want to touch you inside.” He breathed. “This is your warning. Don’t freak out on me, okay?”

I nodded, ready to feel some form of penetration. My inner walls were clenching, pushing my juices out with the want to be filled. His fingers moved down from my clit, sliding over my soaked folds until his middle finger was circling my opening. I thrust, not being able to wait any longer, and he chuckled, the deep vibrations of his laughter sending a wave of longing through me. “Slow down, baby, I’m going to ease that ache soon enough.” I melted. The way he was talking to me and touching me was driving me toward an orgasm. His fingers swiped around my center once again, and I whined, needing to feel him before I burst. I was seconds away from begging when he pressed two fingers into me, bending his fingers deep. I sighed in relief. My knees went weak, and I leaned onto the countertop, hoping it would keep me from falling. “Is this okay?” he asked, his blazing blue eyes lingering on my face. “Yes. Please, Matthew,” I begged, needing more of everything he was giving me. He pulled his fingers out a bit, my body naturally trying to suck them back in. Then he thrust once more, pulling them out and pushing them back in, in a rhythm that had my toes curling into the wood flooring beneath my feet. His thumb

glided over my clit sending a jolt of sensation through me until I began to shiver. “I love seeing you like this,” he breathed. “Look at you. You like having my fingers inside you, don’t you, Red?” I nodded, wishing I could speak over the heavy breaths that pushed from my body. “Say it, Shannon. Tell me you like it.” He fucked me with his fingers faster, pushing me toward the brink and holding me over the edge. “I-I-I do,” I stuttered. “I like it so much.” Just as I was about to fall over the edge, he stopped, pulling his fingers from my body. He grabbed my hand, pulling me into the living room and laying me back onto the couch I’d slept on before. He ripped his shirt over his head and pushed his pants and boxers down until he was kicking them off. He was glorious. His body large and bronze with beautiful tattoos and muscled in all the right places. There were cuts and dips forming paths I knew I wanted to explore with my fingertips. He moved between my legs, slid a condom over his length, and gripped himself, running the head of his cock between my folds. “If you like my fingers, you’re going to love this,” he said. Then he moved forward, resting his elbows on the couch at the sides of my head and pressing his hips forward.

“Okay?” he asked once more. I nodded, biting my lip to keep from begging. With one quick thrust, he filled me, and I moaned in pleasure, loving the fullness of having him deep within me. I never knew it could be like that. I never knew I would want someone inside me so badly it ached. He moved, his body digging deeper and deeper into me with each thrust of his hips. I had never felt anything so amazing. It was nothing like before. There was a glide to each thrust, and my body accepted him, welcoming him inside and allowing him to touch every nerve ending in my body. “You feel amazing,” he muttered, kissing me between thrusts. My body climbed higher and higher, reaching for the ultimate pleasure. My toes curled into the couch, and my breaths came in short, loud bursts. “Come on, baby. That’s it,” Matthew urged. And then I was dangling over the edge again, waiting for him to push me into oblivion. Leaning back, he cupped my ass cheeks, lifting me until he was touching a new spot within me. I fell, plummeting over the side and taking him with me. I yelled out, my body splintering into a million pieces and showering over him. I clenched my eyes closed, experiencing something I never had before and marking my memory with the glory of an amazing orgasm.

His voice slid over me as he called my name over and over again, releasing himself inside me and filling me deep with his wet heat until he was spent. He paused above me, pressed inside with everything he was, and then his body relaxed as he fell on top of me. He buried his face in the side of my neck, his hot breaths panting against my skin as we both came down from our rush. I stared at the beautiful ceiling above me while his body rested on top of mine. My eyes glided over the history of his house and its intricate carvings, and I imagined myself carving out my own historical moment in that room. One where the old me died and a new Shannon was born. Matthew had pushed me past my memories and gave me new ones. And when I snuggled into his side and slowly began to doze off, I did so feeling safe and loved in the arms of a man I trusted.

SEVENTEEN MATTHEW

HER MOUTH. Her body. There was no match. Seeing her jealous over another woman. I’m not sure why, but it did something for me. She actually gave a shit about me being with someone else. Somehow, it made me feel a bit better about flipping out about another guy. I had never felt the way I felt with Shannon, and I had been with quite a few women over the years. My body had never responded to any other woman the way it had with her. Never. There would never be another. As I lay there on top of her, still inside her warmth with her arms around my neck and her legs wrapped around my center, I knew she was the one. We had moved to my bedroom overnight, staying up into the hours of the morning

worshipping each other. Our bodies were still shivering from our release, and I was enjoying the feel of her clenching around me, clutching me and releasing me in an orgasmic massage. I didn’t know what to expect, but once I peeled her clothes off and got a look at her naked flesh and the perfection that was underneath all that fabric, I was at a loss for words. Beautiful. She was fucking beautiful inside and out. And the sex. Fuck. I came so hard with her name on my lips and my heart exploding from my chest for her. Only her. The only problem I had with the situation was I was positive she wasn’t a virgin. Even though she said she was, something about the way she felt and her reaction to my first push inside her wasn’t adding up. Not that I had been with a lot of virgins. I hadn’t. But I knew women, and Shannon was no virgin. I moved back, running my lips up the side of her neck and over her chin. “That was amazing,” I muttered against her skin. “So fucking good.” I was out of breath, and so was she, but then I heard a tiny sound I’d never heard after having sex.

Pushing back, I looked down into her face, and when I did, a tiny tear rolled down the side of her cheek and landed on the pillow at her side. “Shannon?” She swiped at her cheek and turned her face away. “It’s nothing. Just ignore me.” Pulling her hands away from her face, I saw the moment more tears rushed from her eyes and down the sides of her face. “It’s not nothing, babe. Tell me. Did I hurt you?” I had been a little hard, but only because she had begged for harder. The thought that I might have hurt her made me sick to my stomach. I rolled onto my side, pulling from her body and taking her with me. I held her in my arms as she cried into my chest. My fingers twirled in her hair, pulling it out of her face so I could look at her clearly. “Please,” I whispered. “Tell me what I did.” “It’s nothing you did. I promise. It’s just …” She paused, taking a deep breath that pushed her breast up high. “I’m messed up, Matthew. Really messed up.” “We’re all a little fucked up, Shannon. That’s nothing to cry about, baby. Whatever it is, anything, you can tell me.” She slid from beside me, tugging the sheet with

her as she covered herself, leaving me naked in my bed. I hated that she was trying to hide her body from me again. All night, she had tried to hide, and every time, I made sure she knew she could never hide from me. Not ever. “Stop covering your beautiful body and come here,” I said, leaning onto my elbow. There would be no leaving my room for the entire day. I wanted to spend all the hours of daylight in bed with her, worshipping her until she passed out from pleasure. With jerky movements, she began to dress. Sliding her panties and bra onto her body from behind the sheet. “What are you doing?” I asked. “I need to get home.” Sitting up, I slid to the edge of the bed closest to her. “Excuse me?” “Home,” she said, snatching her dress from the floor. “I need to go home.” “I don’t understand. Why don’t you stay here? Stay with me.” I had just gotten her. I wasn’t ready to let her go yet, and the thought of her leaving was making me feel a bit crazy and reckless. She stopped, turning toward me, and looked at me. “I’m sorry. I want to go home.”

I chuckled sarcastically. “You’re joking right now, right? You’re not really going to pull a fuck and run with me? That’s not what’s happening because that would be a really fucked-up case of karma for me.” Tugging her dress down over her thighs, she finally released the sheet. It fluttered to the floor, and before it even had a chance to hit the wood beneath her feet, she had her purse in her grasp. “I’ll text you tomorrow, okay?” “Wait,” I called out. “What’s happening right now? Just tell me what’s going on, Shannon.” I stood, my junk hanging out in all its glory. I’d never been ashamed of my body, and I wasn’t about to start then. “Was I just a booty call for you? Were we still doing the just sex thing? Because I have to be honest, I thought we were past that.” She didn’t respond. Instead, she grabbed her shoes from the floor and turned away from me. When she reached the bedroom door, she turned back. “I’m sorry,” she whispered into the dim light around us. Then she was gone. I heard her on the stairs as she ran down them, and instead of going after her like I wanted to, I stood there confused. First of all, I had picked her up. How did she expect to get home?

And secondly, what the fuck just happened? Snatching the sheet from the floor, I wrapped it around me and ran down the stairs after her, hoping to catch her at the front door, but by the time I got downstairs and pulled the front door open, she was nowhere to be found. She had left. She had come into my house, fucked me senseless, and then she ran out, leaving me feeling used for the first time in my entire life. Except I had a feeling I hadn’t been used for sex. Not really. I had a feeling she had used me for something much bigger. Something I couldn’t put my finger on. Cars drove by, people staring at me as I stood on my front porch in nothing but a white sheet. I turned around and went back inside, closing my door behind me. I could hardly believe my luck. Finally, I had found a woman who was okay with a hot and heavy one-night fling. The only problem was, she was the only woman in the world I wanted more from. I had done something stupid. Something I hadn’t meant to do. I had gone and fallen in love with the only woman in the world who didn’t want to keep me.

EIGHTEEN SHANNON

I’M IN LOVE WITH MATTHEW ELLIS. I couldn’t say it out loud yet, but I could think it. I wasn’t sure how it happened. He was like a thief, creeping into my heart and claiming it as his own. For so long, I was anti-man. Even the thought of anything with a penis touching me had sickened me, but now it seemed all I could think about was him and the next time I would be with him. The sex had been amazing and terrifying. Not because I feared Matthew, but because every time he thrusted his body into mine, he sealed a broken piece of me. He replaced the terrible memories with new ones—good ones—memories I could dream about and would dream about for the rest of my life. The only problem was, the night of release was so extreme that when the morning came, I couldn’t

hold back my reaction anymore. I cried sad tears for the bits of life I had missed out on because some asshole decided to take something that wasn’t his to take. I cried happy tears because Matthew had somehow released me and removed the burden from my shoulders. I’d carried around the sadness for years, and in one night, he had soothed my scars, kissed the rough spots of my soul, and pieced together the girl I used to be. He would never understand what he did for me, and I could never explain it because my secret was just that … a secret. I hated that he blamed himself and didn’t know what caused my reaction, but I had to flee. The second I looked up at him and felt the love in my heart I never thought I would feel, I needed to get out of there. For that exact reason, I knew I had to stay away from Matthew. He would crush me. He was a playboy, and what we had was nothing more than a one-night fling. I had asked to get to know him first, and he had granted that wish before giving me the best night of my life. I wished it could be more, but I knew in the back of my mind I could never give my all to a man, and he would never give his all to a woman. We were better off letting it go. At least, I was

better off letting it go. As far as Matthew was concerned, I was just another girl in his life he had sampled. Once the Uber dropped me off at my apartment, I went inside and headed straight to the shower. Peeling my dress from my body, I thought about the places he had touched and kissed. When I stood beneath the steaming water, I did so with a secret smile knowing I’d had the one thing I never thought I would. A beautiful sexual experience with a gorgeous man and a heart full of love. I couldn’t keep him, but he would always be my precious moment. A wondrous night in my life of just passing through.

THERE WAS ONLY ONE PERSON I COULD TURN TO ABOUT MATTHEW. That was my grammy. Mostly because I could tell her anything and she wouldn’t remember it. She was my sounding board, a silent listener who could give me advice before it was erased from the world and only left in my mind. “Hey, Grammy,” I said when I entered her

room. I tossed the bag with a dress I had bought her on the bed. She looked up from her sewing and smiled. “Hey, hon, how are you? I was hoping you’d stop by today.” I paused, my purse sliding down my arm and onto her bed. She was more lucid than she had been in weeks. Trying to hide my shock, I went back and closed the door to her room. “I’m great. What do you have there?” I asked. “Oh, just sewing something for Edna’s daughter. She’s having her first great-granddaughter in the next few months.” “That’s nice of you.” She held up the tiny pink dress and smiled. “That’s adorable, Grams.” She nodded. “You know how much I love all things pink. How’s work been?” I sat on the edge of her bed, waiting for the second when she would go away. “Work’s been good. Just staying busy.” “Good. Staying busy is good for the body.” I sat silently, watching as she acted completely normal. Tears sprang to my eyes. I missed her so much, and lately, I had been feeling very lonely. Except for Matthew, I hadn’t really been around anyone else. Moving from the bed, I kneeled in front of her

and hugged her around the waist. “Oh, my. What’s this about?” she asked, running her fragile fingers through my hair. “I just miss you.” “Aw, honey, I’m here. I’m always here.” She wouldn’t always be there, though. It was only a matter of time before she went away again. I hated that she was going through this terrible disease and I couldn’t do anything to help her. “I’m sorry, Grammy,” I muttered. “Now, don’t you go feeling bad for putting me in this place. It’s nice here, and I’ve made a lot of friends. Plus, we both know I’m much too old to live alone anymore. I’ve accepted that, and it’s good that you do, too. Understand?” I nodded against her lap. “Yes, ma’am.” “Now, tell me what’s going on with you. I can see it in your eyes that something’s bothering you. I’ve been able to tell your heart in your eyes ever since you were just a little girl.” I leaned back and took advantage of her lucidity. “I’m in love, Grammy,” I said. It felt odd saying it aloud, but in a way, it was therapeutic. She grabbed the sides of my face, her frail fingers tangling in my hair. “I’m so happy to hear this, honey.” We talked.

She asked me questions, and I explained the situation with Matthew. Once I got everything having to do with him out, I opened up about my dark secret, letting the demons out and knocking even more weight off my shoulders. “I remember him,” she said when I told her who it was and when. “Your prom date. He seemed like such a nice boy, but I guess you never really know someone.” I nodded, tears streaming down my face. “It’s the strangest thing,” she said. “I’ve been having nightmares about a crescent-shaped birthmark for years, and now you’re telling me the boy who hurt you has one. I think that was God’s way of telling me you needed me.” She held me close, wiping away my tears as she had when I was growing up. She captured my face in her hands and said, “Honey, I wish you had come to me. I would have taken care of you. I would have made sure that little bastard paid for his crimes.” I looked up into my grammy’s aging eyes and saw tears forming there. “We’ll make sure he pays. It’s time you come clean and tell the police, honey. And as far as your new friend goes, you sink your hooks into him and you don’t ever let go. Sometimes, we only get one go at a great thing, so you can’t pass it up. If you do, it may never come around your way again. I

grabbed your pop many years ago, and I didn’t let go until the Lord wanted him back. I’d like to think life gives you more than one precious moment. I know I got more than one the day I found you on my front steps, but we can’t be sure that’s the case for everyone. If you think this guy is your moment, you tell him.” I nodded. “I will. I’ll tell him.” I didn’t know if it was the mention of Pop or if it was the pain of my secret, but no sooner than those words left her mouth did she shift, going far away and forgetting me completely in a matter of seconds. “I’m sorry. Can I help you?” she asked, her lingering tears from my story still sliding down her wrinkled cheeks. I left her room feeling lighter, yet I felt sad knowing one day my grammy would be gone forever. One day, she would slip away and never return. When that moment came, I wasn’t sure how I would handle it. Even considering it made me feel sick to my stomach with grief. I took the hallways slowly, in no rush to get to work. Lilly was there already, and I knew she didn’t technically need me. I was the one who needed the paycheck. Not her who needed the help. My eyes skimmed over the hallway décor, landing on the water fountain on the side waiting

for someone to stop and take a drink. I turned the corner onto the shorter hallway, and he was there. Matthew. I barely had time to register what was happening before he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into yet another closet. The door slammed behind us, and I was spun around and pressed into the back of the door. His handling should have freaked me out, but the one thing I knew about Matthew was he would never hurt me physically. Mentally, I wasn’t so sure about. “What are you doing?” I asked. “We need to talk.” His blue eyes were blazing. He looked disheveled, his shirt untucked and his hair wild as if he had been tugging on it. “About what?” “Don’t play dumb with me, Shannon. You’re a smart girl. You know what I’m talking about.” “I don’t have time for this.” I pulled away, ready to flee, but before I could get far, he pressed my back against the door, forced his thigh between my legs, and kissed me. My response was rapid. I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him back like the moment was the last moment I would ever get with him. “I’m obsessed with you,” he said over my lips, reaching down and unzipping his jeans. I pushed at the waist of his jeans in a rush to

feel him. Needing him to take it all away. His hands moved under my dress, rushing up my thighs and pulling the fabric up to my hips. He turned us, slamming me into a small counter that housed paper towels and supplies, and with strength I didn’t know he had, he lifted me onto the counter. His fingers moved between my thighs, grabbing at the lacy fabric covering my center. He tugged, ripping the lace from my body, the seams digging into my skin and leaving a hot burn line. It was rough. I should have hated it. It should have scared me. But I couldn’t think about anything but feeling him move inside me, rubbing away the ache, and pushing me over the edge. “I can’t keep my hands off you. I’m sick of running.” He breathed. “Then don’t run,” I said, not understanding his words. He moved between my legs and slid on a condom. Stroking his thick cock, he slapped it against my clit. “This is going to be fast and rough. You can run afterward if you want, but I’ll only find you again.” And then he pushed into me, rough and reckless, making me gasp with the shock of how amazing he felt. He wasn’t lying when he said it would be fast

and hard. The table shook beneath us as he took me like a wild animal. Fucking me so perfectly I came within minutes. My loud screams filled the small closet, and he slid his palm over my lips to hold the sounds inside. “That’s right, Red. Come for me, baby. Show me how much you love my cock.” I grabbed his ass, pulling him deeper into me. My mouth popped open, and I froze as another hot wave of orgasm rolled over me. My pleasure pushed him over the edge, and he ground into me one final time, pausing with his release as a desperate moan ripped from his lips. “Fuck,” he said, his breathing fast and hard. “That was …” “So. Good,” I finished for him. He pulled back, allowing the cool air of the room around to me rush in. “I’m sorry if I was too rough. You make me crazy,” he said, running his fingers through his hair as he blew out a deep breath. “The feeling is mutual.” “What the fuck are we doing?” he asked, his eyes despondent. “I have no idea, but it scares me.” I was being honest. I was terrified. “It scares me too, but I think we have a bit of a problem. Or at least, I have a bit of a problem.” “What’s that?”

“I might have accidentally fallen in love with you.” My body tensed, the feel of my orgasms still making me shiver and the impact of his words slamming into me. I couldn’t say it back. Even though the words were dancing on my lips, and my heart was rejoicing from his announcement, my mind wouldn’t allow it. The fear of getting hurt again kept me from speaking. “You don’t have to say anything,” he said, his eyes moving over my expression. “But please, just come home with me.” “Matthew, I need time. Everything is moving so quickly, and there are so many things in my head.” He reached up, fingering one of my curls, and his eyes became sad. “I laid my cards on the table. I can’t be anymore upfront about what I want. I want you. When you’re ready, you know where to find me.” Then he pulled away, adjusted his clothes, and left me standing in the closet alone with only my thoughts and fears. I went home to an empty apartment, and in my gut, I knew it wouldn’t be much longer before Lilly and Devin would want a place of their own. There was no way I could afford the apartment on my own, so I would have to either find a cheaper place or find a new roommate.

This, on top of the business with my grammy, was gradually driving up my blood pressure. The stress of life was growing, and when I added Matthew on top of everything else, I could feel myself being pushed down by the weight. I showered and settled into bed with Netflix on. I was scanning Facebook on my phone when I got a text from Matthew. Matthew: My bed feels different without you in it. I wish you were here. Looking around my room and listening to the silence of the rest of the apartment outside my bedroom door had me feeling the same way. Me: Me too. Matthew: Have you had enough space yet? Me: Lol. It’s been a few hours. Matthew: Feels like a lifetime. Me: I’m sorry. Matthew: For what? Me: For being crazy. Matthew: I like your brand of crazy. Get some rest. Text me tomorrow. Good night. Me: Good night. I lasted two days. After visiting with my grammy, I ran into him in

the hallway. And when he pulled me into our closet, I couldn’t stop myself from tugging his pants down and letting him fuck me against the counter once again. He was leaning into me, his face pressed against my chest, our breaths rushed and ragged. Reaching up, I ran my fingers through his thick hair, and he turned his face, placing a kiss right above the Vneck of my sweater. “Come home with me,” he muttered against my skin. “Matthew, I …” “I want you naked in my bed, Shannon. These quick, quiet fucks in a closet aren’t enough. I want to touch all of you. Taste all of you. Next time I make you come, I want your luscious tits bouncing in my face so I can suck them at the same time.” I shivered, feeling aroused all over again. Just weeks before, I couldn’t imagine being so intimate with a man. I couldn’t imagine enjoying the feel of him moving inside me or expect the throbbing between my folds when he talked dirty to me, but with Matthew, it was out of my hands. My body and mind had joined forces, and I was done for. “Will you come home with me?” he asked, moving his lips up the side of my neck and pressing another kiss behind my ear. I nodded, wanting nothing more than to be with

him. I followed him to his house and parked behind him. My old car behind his brand-new one was comical. We held hands on our way to his front door, and once we were inside, we wasted no time going to his room where he showed me with his body how much he cared about me. He made good on his promises to have me naked and squirming beneath him, and for the first time in my life, I allowed someone to taste every inch of my body. Afterward, we laid in his bed and talked. He played with the hair around my ear, fingering the strands and using the tips to write sweet words on my shoulder. “Shannon?” “Yeah?” “Why did you tell me you were a virgin?” I froze. “What do you mean?” “I haven’t been with a virgin since high school, but I’m pretty sure you weren’t one.” “What makes you think that?” “I don’t know. I just know. Why did you say you were a virgin? Did you think I’d care about that?” I shook my head, feeling sick with the thought of opening up to him. Telling him the truth. “I had to,” I said. “Why?”

“Because technically, I’ve never willingly been with a man.” His fingers paused in my hair, his body frozen as his eyes moved over my expression trying to figure out what I was saying. “I’m confused. What you do you mean willingly? Were you …?” I couldn’t hear the word come from his mouth. Something about him saying it made it ten times worse. So before he could say it, I did. “Raped. I was raped.” I swallowed, feeling like his old house was falling in on me. Crumbling all around me and burying me deep with my broken parts. I’d never said the word aloud before to anyone but my grammy, and seeing his expression somehow made it worse. Hurt filled his eyes, and they watered. “I’m so sorry. I was too rough. I should’ve been easier. I don’t know what I …” I stopped him. Placing my finger over his lips. “You were perfect. I was so afraid I’d never feel the things I feel with you. So afraid of everything he took away from me. I couldn’t stand the thought of a man touching me. I couldn’t imagine having any kind of a relationship with a male, but you were patient. You let me open up for you. You helped me piece myself back together. And then you showed me what it was like to really

make love.” I told him about the night I never spoke of. I told him about everything my prom date had taken away from me. About the cornfield and the moment I decided it wasn’t worth telling the world. He didn’t ask any questions. He held me while I spilled my deepest, darkest secret. He held me while I cried, pressing soft kisses into my hair and telling me it wasn’t my fault. And when I finished, I found that telling my story was exhausting. I let him hold me while I slowly closed my eyes and fell asleep feeling as if someone had finally released me from the darkness within. I was free.

NINETEEN MATTHEW I WATCHED HER SLEEP. Her eyes were puffy from crying and her cheeks flushed. I softly fingered the strands of her red hair, wishing I could take it all away for her— wishing I could erase the memories of his hands on her body—but more importantly, wishing I knew who he was so I could destroy him. I had asked her his name, but she refused to tell me. She refused any details about him, and I wanted to be angry because she deserved justice, but at the same time, I wanted to be understanding of her need for privacy. I lay there, needing to lose it on something, feeling like a bomb ready to detonate at any second. Anger squatted inside me, festering and boiling with a rage I had never felt in my entire life. My body trembled, shaking furiously for the desire to crush something in my palms. She wouldn’t give me a name, but I would find him, and when I did, I would ruin his life the way

he had almost ruined hers. She shifted in her sleep, her face pushing into my chest, and I held her close. Pressing a kiss on her forehead, I silently made a promise to her that no one would ever hurt her again. She would never want for anything. Never feel the stress of life on her shoulders. She was mine, and I would always take care of her. My phone lit up at my side, illuminating the space around us. Before the ringing grew louder, I picked it up and checked to see who it was. Jonathan’s name moved across the screen, his number following. He never called. He favored texting, which was why I answered. If he was calling, something must be wrong. “Hey. What’s up?” I answered. A bit of static moved over the line, letting me know he was on the yacht. “Nothing much. We’re having a birthday party for Curtis tonight on the yacht. You coming?” There was music in the background, and the sound of women giggling. I looked over at Shannon sleeping and decided it probably wasn’t a good idea to take her out at that moment. Not to mention, I wasn’t sure I wanted Shannon anywhere near the gun slinging and possible drugs.

“I don’t know, man,” I said into the phone. “I’m hanging out with my girl.” Jonathan chuckled, a bit of a slur in his laughter letting me know he had started the party earlier in the day. “Your girl, huh? It’s like that now?” “Yeah. My girl. And it’s definitely like that.” He went silent and only the sounds of music and laughing came through the phone. I was worried he would have something sarcastic to say, but he surprised me when he said, “Well, hell, man. Bring her with you. I want to meet this goddess who managed to catch Matthew Ellis.” I chuckled and opened my mouth to turn down his invitation, but Shannon sat up and grinned at me. “I don’t mind if you want to go,” she said. “Hold on a second, man,” I said into the phone before pressing it against my chest so he couldn’t hear our conversation. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?” I asked. She shook her head. “No. I was kind of in and out, but I could hear your conversation. If your friends have a birthday party, you should be there. Let’s go.” “Are you sure?” I still didn’t feel like she was ready. “He’s into some pretty hardcore shit. I don’t know if I want you around him.” She giggled. “You’re so cute. Tell him we’ll be there.”

I placed a soft kiss on her lips before pulling the phone away from my chest. “Okay, man, you win. Be there soon.”

WE WENT BACK TO HER APARTMENT SO SHE COULD GET SOME CLOTHES. When we stepped through the door, Lilly and Devin were sitting on the couch. Lilly’s expression was one of shock, but when I looked at Devin, he shook his head and grinned. “Um, anything you want to tell me, Shannon?” Lilly asked. I snorted. “Yeah, babe, anything you want to tell her?” Shannon blushed, prompting me to move in and kiss her on the cheek. “Yeah, ah, we’re kind of seeing each other,” she said, motioning back and forth between us. Devin laughed. “It’s about damn time they come clean about it.” Lilly smacked him in the chest and grinned. “Wait ...” Shannon started. “You knew?” Lilly nodded. “Ever since the night Dev caught him sneaking out of the apartment.” I sat on the couch talking with Lilly and Devin

while Shannon took a shower and got dressed to go to Curtis’s birthday party. While there, I opened up to them about my motives, explaining my revenge plot and the reason I went after Lilly. Lilly nodded, understanding with a sad smile on her face Devin squeezed my shoulder. “Damn, bro, I’m sorry. I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend.” I waved it away. “No worries, man. She wasn’t worth it. I know that now.” “Well, still, it fucking sucks. I’m glad we can move past that shit. Lilly hated that we had tension. Especially when I told her and you Shannon were hooking up.” It felt good to gain Devin’s friendship again, and it came in handy since I was determined to be in Shannon’s life. Lilly was a big part of Shannon’s world, so I didn’t want there to be any tension. Twenty minutes later, Shannon came into the living room looking amazing in a knee-length black dress and heeled booties. Her long, shapely legs glistened in the living room lighting and the gloss on her lips sparkled. She’d curled her scarlet hair into a beautiful set of ringlets, and she had put just a tiny bit of mascara on her eyes to make the green stand out. I stood, going to her and pulling her into my arms. “Damn, baby,” I whispered in her ear. “You look good enough to eat.”

She pushed back, wearing a seductive grin on her pouty lips. “You’re so bad.” “Nah, I’m good at it. I didn’t hear you complaining earlier.”

WE HELD HANDS ON THE WAY TO THE COAST. With one hand on the wheel, I hummed to the music on the radio as I drove across town. “So tell me more about your friend,” she said. “Have you guys known each other long?” I nodded. “A couple of years. Although, I’d say he’s more than my friend. We’re more like brothers.” “Well, it’s a good thing I’m meeting him then. He can tell me all about your dirty deeds.” I chuckled. “If you want to know about my dirty deeds, all you have to do is ask, sweetheart. I have no problem at all showing you.” She giggled; an adorable sound I wanted to wake up to every day. “You said he’s into some hardcore stuff? What does he do?” I looked over at her, unsure if I wanted to tell her everything about Jonathan. I didn’t want her judging him before she even met him.

“Just some bullshit. Nothing to worry your pretty head about. He’s a good guy, Red. I can’t tell you how many times he’s helped get me out of some crazy stuff. Trust me, you’ll love him.” She smiled. “If you love him, then I already do.” I squeezed her hand, pulling it up to my mouth so I could kiss her knuckles. I parked close to the dock, pressing my hand on the small of her back as we made our way down to the end. The heels on her booties clapped against the wood planks of the dock, making a bit of music with the lapping sound of the water hitting the posts. “Hey, Finch,” I said as we approached a smaller boat. When Jonathan had parties on board, Finch, his father’s assistant, ferried the guests to the yacht and back to the dock. He nodded, reaching up and helping Shannon board the smaller boat. I dropped down after her and pulled her to my side as we hit the small waves on the way to the large yacht in the distance. The lights of the yacht lit up the night, making us able to see it from far away, and I could hear the music spilling from the expensive sound system once we were halfway there. “This is so fun,” Shannon said, enjoying the

boat ride. “Is this the first time you’ve ever been on a boat?” She nodded. “You’re a wild woman,” I said, kissing the side of her head. She giggled once again, the sound making me love her even more. The boat ride to the yacht lasted only minutes, and soon, we were on board. Shannon’s eyes took in the grandeur of the yacht, twinkling in the lights strung high above us. She was friendly to every person we passed, and when I stopped to chat with a few of my friends, I introduced her as my girlfriend. We hadn’t technically made it official, but seeing the grin on her face whenever I referred to her that way let me know it was a conversation we didn’t need to have because we were on the same page. I knew Jonathan would be at his spot next to the gas fire, so I started that way, my arm around Shannon’s waist the entire way. It took a bit to get there, since everyone we passed wanted an introduction to Shannon, but then we broke through the crowd and I spotted Jonathan’s back, Corrine planted in his lap with a flirty grin on her face. Once we reached his side, I tapped him on his shoulder, making him turn around.

“Oh hey, man,” he said loudly. “Glad you could finally make it.” “Me too.” “So where’s the goddess?” he asked. I looked back, and Shannon was behind me talking to a girl, not paying attention. I waited until she had finished chatting and then grabbed her around the waist and pulled back to my side with a huge, happy grin on my face. “Here she is,” I said. “Jonathan, this is Shannon. Shannon, this is my best friend, Jonathan.”

TWENTY SHANNON MY BREATH HALTED AS MY LUNGS COLLASPED IN ON THEMSELVES. My knees shook as my eyes latched on to him, sure I was seeing things. Then my eyes moved down, landing on the crescent-shaped birthmark on his forearm, and I knew. Jonathan Reins, the same Jonathan who took from me, was Matthew’s best friend. I stumbled a bit, and Matthew pulled me closer with a chuckle. “You haven’t started drinking yet, have you, babe?” I shook my head, answering. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Jonathan looked almost the same with the exception of his hair being a bit longer and his football physique slimmer, but he had the same dark eyes and the same sarcastic tilt to his mouth. His eyes moved down my body, taking in my long legs and thighs, and when he met my eyes

again, I saw the exact moment he remembered who I was. He remembered me. He remembered what he did to me. I saw the memories skim across his expression briefly. His eyes widened a bit, but not enough that anyone else would have noticed, and then he leaned in, grabbing my limp hand and shaking it, making me feel like I was drowning in the ocean water that surrounded us. “Hi, Shannon,” he said. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” The way he said the word pleasure made my stomach roil and bile rise up the back of my throat. He grinned, the side of his mouth lifting in a taunt I remembered well. He was testing me, seeing if I would open my mouth, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t hurt Matthew that way. He had said himself that Jonathan was like his brother. I wouldn’t be the reason he lost someone he loved. Not to mention, who was to say he would believe me over his best friend. I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t. My hand fell from his grasp, and even though it killed me, my lips tilted in a fake smile. “Y-you t-too,” I stuttered, choking on the words.

I pushed behind Matthew, staying hidden while he and Jonathan talked. He kept his fingers twisted in mine, holding me there, occasionally swiping his thumb across my knuckles as he chatted. I listened without hearing their words. I felt trapped, stuck on a large boat in the middle of the ocean with the one person in the world I never wanted to see again. My anxiety was getting the best of me, making me feel as if the boat was rocking when it wasn’t. Motion sickness threatened, and I gagged, covering my mouth with my free hand. “You okay, baby?” Matthew asked, his brows pulled low with worry. I sucked in a breath, filling my lungs enough to get my words out. Nodding, I said, “Yeah. I’m fine, but could you tell me where the bathroom is?” While Matthew explained how to get to the bathroom, my eyes locked on Jonathan’s, and the asshole had the nerve to smile at me. As soon as I knew where I was going, I turned away and started toward the restroom, but before I could get too far, Matthew pulled me back, placing a sweet kiss on my lips right in front of his friends, Jonathan included. “Don’t be long,” he whispered in my ear. “The quicker we get off this boat, the quicker I can spend the night making love to you.” I pulled back, taking him in from his gorgeous

blue eyes to his perfect smile. He really was everything I never knew I wanted. My precious moment in time in a life I was just passing through. And I loved him. I definitely loved him. Enough that I knew I would never hurt him. Even if it meant I had to hurt myself. I nodded, placing another kiss on his lips before I pulled away. Making my way toward the bathroom, dizziness swooped over me, making me hold on to the wall to keep from falling. A girl I passed laughed, commenting on how drunk I was. Little did she know I hadn’t had a single drink. Once I reached the bathroom, I stood for a second staring at the door, knowing I couldn’t go in there. Knowing the real reason I had walked away from Matthew and the devil himself. Turning, I started toward the opposite side of the boat, taking a set of steps that went down to the lower level. I cut through the crowd like I was being chased, sliding through the groups and saying, “Excuse me,” several times until I finally saw the place I wanted to go. The little man in the boat looked up at me with a tiny smile. “Headed out?” he asked. I nodded. “Yes, Finch, please take me back to the dock.”

TWENTY-ONE MATTHEW SHE WAS GONE FOR AN AWFULLY LONG TIME. Going toward the bathroom, I searched for Shannon, thinking maybe she had gotten caught up chatting with someone, but she was nowhere to be found. I pulled out my phone to check if she had texted me or tried to call, but there was nothing there. I pulled up her messages and sent a text, but being so far out on the water, my phone had a shit signal. “Excuse me,” I said, stopping a woman who was leaving the bathroom. “Was there a tall redhead in there?” I asked. The lady shook head. “No one’s in there.” “Okay. Thank you.” She moved back toward the party, leaving me to search yet again for Shannon. Thirty minutes later, I was beginning to panic. Had she fallen overboard?

Could she swim? Why hadn’t I asked her if she could swim? I was scanning the decks, checking every square inch of the yacht as the pressure on my chest told me something wasn’t right. “What’s going on?” Jonathan came up beside me and asked. “I can’t find Shannon. I’ve looked everywhere.” I turned in circles, checking the area around me once more, but again, there was no sign of her. Jonathan clapped me on the shoulder and took a swig from his drink. “I’m sure she’s around here somewhere, man. Don’t stress it. Let her have a good time.” “No, you don’t understand,” I started, but he turned and walked away, leaving me there in a panic. Going to the lower deck, I saw Finch out of the corner of my eye pulling up alongside the yacht alone. I moved toward his boat, grabbing the rail and leaning over to speak to him. “Hey, Finch, have you seen the young lady I came here with?” I asked. He nodded. “Yeah. I just dropped her at the dock.” “What do you mean you dropped her at the dock? Alone?” I jumped into his boat.

“She asked to go back, so I took her.” He shrugged. I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling frantic. She was alone. Downtown where dangerous people were everywhere. “Take me to the dock. Show me where you left her.” The boat ride to the dock seemed to drag on as if the yacht had moved farther out to sea when I knew for a fact it was anchored in place. When Finch pulled the boat up alongside the dock, I wasted no time jumping out before he had even idled the engine. I ran down the dock, my shoes thumping along the wooden planks, but no one was there. Once I got to the shore, I searched the parking area only to find a couple going at in the back of a truck. I pulled my keys from my pocket and got in my car. My phone lit up the inside of my car when I pulled it from my pocket and unlocked the screen. With a signal, I quickly typed out a text and sent it to her. Me: Where are you? Me: Are you okay? No response. My car roared to life when I cranked it, and I spun my tires when I pulled out of the parking lot

and hauled ass toward Shannon’s apartment. I checked my phone the entire trip to her place, but she never returned my message. Finally, I pulled up at her apartment building. Her car was parked in front, which meant she hadn’t gone anywhere in her car. Going to her door, I knocked several times until finally Devin swung the door open with a furious expression. “What the fuck, man? Why are you beating on the door this late at night?” he asked. “Shannon,” I said losing my breath. “Is she here?” “She’s not here. We thought she was with you.” I didn’t respond. Instead, I turned around and ran back to my car with Devin calling my name behind me. I peeled out of the parking lot, not really sure where I was going. If she wasn’t with me and she wasn’t at home, the only other place I could think she might have gone was back to my place. Again, I pulled out my phone and checked for a response. Nothing. I made it to my place in record time. Leaving my car on, I threw it in park and hopped out, searching my front porch to see if maybe she was sitting and waiting for me. The porch and my house were empty. “Fuck!” I shouted, making a run for my car yet

again. I climbed in, slamming the door behind me, and sat staring out of the windshield. Where was she? Checking my phone once again, I saw she still hadn’t responded. I typed out another message to her and hit send. Me: Please, Shannon, let me know you’re ok. A few minutes passed, then finally, my phone buzzed with a response. Red: I’m ok. I breathed a sigh of relief before I messaged back. Me: What happened? Where are you? Red: I’m sorry I left. I needed to get out of there. Me: I would have left with you. If you weren’t in the mood to go anywhere, we could have stayed home. Me: Where are you? I’ll come and get you. Red: No. Me: What do you mean, no? Red: I’m sorry, Matthew. I can’t do this. Me: What are you talking about? What can’t

you do? Me: Please tell me where you are. Red: I’m sorry. It’s over. My heart skipped, and I pressed the call button instead of texting. It rang once before she sent me to voicemail. I hung up and tried again, and again, her voicemail picked up. Me: Please answer. Me: What did I do? Me: Let’s discuss this. Red: I’m sorry. Me: Don’t do this. Me: I love you. Minutes passed as I waited for a response. I called once again, feeling like a total ass, and the phone never rang. Instead, it went straight to voicemail. Ten minutes later, my phone buzzed yet again. Red: I don’t feel the same. I’m sorry. I dropped my phone in my lap and pushed my face into my hands. Something happened. There was no way she would change her mind about us so quickly. Whatever it was, we could get past it. I would give

her the night to think it over and blow off steam or whatever she needed, and then I would go over and talk with her and see if we could fix the problem. Me: I don’t believe you. I’ll see you tomorrow. Please get home safe. I love you.

TWO DAYS LATER AND I STILL HADN’T HEARD FROM HER. I called and texted, but it seemed she had me blocked. I went to her apartment, but her car was never there. Only Lilly was working the store, and when I asked her what was going on, she seemed just as clueless as I was. I was pulling my hair out trying to figure what happened. I was getting nowhere. A week later and nothing. Eating was making me feel sick, and most days, I would stay at home with my phone close by in case she changed her mind about me. After a few days of not leaving my house, I decided I needed to get out for a bit. I drove down to Waterfront Park and sat on the same swing where I first kissed her. Depression hung over me like black smog, choking me when I breathed and making it next to impossible to fill my

lungs to capacity. I couldn’t breathe. I missed her so much my entire body ached. The following day, I visited Twin Oaks. I hadn’t been there in a while, and I thought maybe Jermaine could cheer me up. “Damn, dude, you look like shit,” he said, scrunching up his nose. “Thanks,” I muttered. “No, for real, though, what the hell happened to you, man?” “She left me.” His face cleared and sorrow filled his eyes. “That sucks, bro. What happened?” That was the million-dollar question. I kept thinking if I knew what happened it would be easier to move past it, but I knew in my heart of hearts that was bullshit. I would never get over Shannon. She was it for me. Being at Twin Oaks made the ache worse. Every inch of the building held memories of her, and I kept hoping that the longer I stayed there, the more likely I was to run into her. Sadly, I didn’t even know who she visited when she came. At least if I knew that, I could maybe question them. Since I was there, I helped Jermaine clean the place. Going from door to door, I collected trash and replaced the bags with fresh ones. When I got to room three hundred, I tapped on the door and

opened it to find Miss Iris sitting in her chair crocheting. Her face lit up with a smile when she looked up and saw me standing in her doorway. “Hey, honey, come on in.” She stood from her chair, shuffling across the floor toward me for a hug. “It’s been too long. I was starting to worry something happened to you.” I wanted to open up to her—tell her all about Shannon and how badly she had hurt me—to see if maybe she had a clue why a woman would just up and disappear since I couldn’t seem to figure out why. “Sorry about that. I’ve been a bit busy,” I said, going for her trash can and pulling out the bag. “Don’t you worry yourself, hon. I might be old, but I remember what it was like to be young.” She sat in her chair again, picking up her yarn and crocheting needles. When she did, she bumped a small box on the table, knocking it to the floor. The lid flew open and pictures spilled out. “Oh, no,” she said. “I’m a clumsy old fool.” She chuckled, trying to lean over and collect the things. “I’ll get it, Miss Iris,” I said, making my way over and leaning down to pick up the box and photos. When I leaned over, my eyes latched onto the photo on the very top.

It was a young girl with a long red braid hanging over her shoulder. She smiled at the camera, missing her front teeth, her green eyes sparkling with happiness. My lungs deflated, and my fingers shook as I picked the photo up and held it closer to my face. Shannon. It was definitely my Shannon. She was just a little girl, her features not as defined, her body skinny and unshapely, but it was her. I looked up at Miss Iris, the picture dangling from my fingers. “That’s my granddaughter,” she said, smiling proudly. “Isn’t she a beauty?” I nodded, my voice caught in my throat. All this time, Shannon had been visiting Miss Iris. All this time, her grandmother was a patient at Twin Oaks, and I never asked to know any better. “She’s beautiful,” I whispered, feeling tears prick my eyes. “Yeah. She’s having a bit of a hard time right now. My poor girl,” Miss Iris said, her crocheting needles clicking together as she started on her work again. “Is that so?” I asked, hoping she would shed some light on the situation. Obviously, she had no idea Shannon and I had a thing. Maybe she would open up to me about

Shannon in casual conversation. “Yeah. She confessed to me not long ago that a young man had pushed himself on her.” I clenched my eyes tightly, remembering how broken she was. How hard she had cried in my arms when she told me her story. “He seemed like such a nice boy, too. He came to my house to pick her for prom, and I approved. Sometimes, I think it’s my fault for letting her go out with him. I should have known better to let her mess around with one of the rich boys,” she continued, gossiping while she worked her fingers through the yarn. “His family lived on the lake in our town. A gorgeous house.” I sat on the bed, my eyes moving over the many pictures of Shannon. Shannon with braids and missing teeth. Shannon with a big smile on her face and curls in her hair. Shannon holding a trophy for junior varsity volleyball. Then I reached a photo that made me pause. It was Shannon and her prom date. Except the date had been cut from the photo and only his arm around her shoulders was still visible. They were standing on the front porch of an old run-down mobile home. She smiled into the camera, her red curls pinned on top of her head in an updo, and her eyes popping against her green prom dress.

She was young and beautiful. Happy and unbroken. But it wasn’t her beauty that had inflicted the massive amount of pain thumping around my chest. It was the arm of the person standing next to her. He was obviously wearing a tux. I could tell that by looking at the part of his leg still visible in the photo, but he must have removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves a bit because his arm was visible. On that arm was a birthmark I knew well. A crescent-shaped mark that would haunt me for the rest of my life. He was her prom date … the asshole who had raped her and altered her forever. And that arm belonged to my best friend. It was Jonathan. The only guy in the world I gave a shit about had been the one to destroy the woman I loved all those years ago.

THE YACHT WAS EMPTY AND DARK, anchored at the end of the dock like a shady ghost ship full of immorality. I walked down the dock, my fists clenching at my sides and my heart feeling hard and empty. The water lapped at the posts holding the dock up, filling the air around me with the sounds of slapping

and seagulls. Once I made it on board, I walked across the top deck, heading to the exact spot I knew I would find him. He was lounging next to the fire wearing a sweater since it was a cool day in Charleston. Winter would be coming soon, and the heat of the South was starting to wind down. He stared at the sky, and I knew his eyes were closed behind his shades. He was relaxing. Enjoying his life as if he had never done any wrong. Well, I knew differently. I knew he was a fucking monster disguised as a friend. I stepped up next to his lounge chair, tapping the bottom of it with my shoe. He jerked, ripping his shades from his eyes and squinting up at me. “Holy shit, man. You scared the fuck out of me.” He slid his shades back on and sat up. “What’s up, man? Where have you been?” he asked. He was pretending nothing was wrong, but I knew the second I introduced Shannon, he knew who she was. You didn’t just forget a woman you raped. You couldn’t strike something like that from your mind, and if you could, you were colder than expected.

“It was you,” I said, feeling the burn of fury behind my eyes. I wanted to pounce—rip him apart—show him what kind of pain he had inflicted. “What are you talking about?” he asked. “You know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about,” I snapped. Again, he pulled his shades from his face, his eyes moving over my expression before he set them on the table at his side. “Look, man, I don’t know what she told you, but I can assure you it was consensual.” I sniffed. “You’re a piece of shit. You know it wasn’t consensual.” He chuckled. “You can’t rape the willing, man. She was wet. She wanted it.” My fists clenched at my sides as I struggled to control myself. “You son of a bitch. You knew she wouldn’t press charges. You fucking knew it.” He laughed. “You’re seriously worked up over this? Look, she chased me all through high school. I took her out. Showed her a good time. It was the least I could do, considering …” He held his hands out at his sides as if he was referring to her size and calling her large. “I had no idea you were into big girls, man, but props. She was an excellent fuck.” I snapped, jumping on him like a wild animal. I beat him in the face, throwing punches as if he

hadn’t been my best friend for the past few years… as if he was a total stranger. I had promised I wouldn’t kill him, but I hadn’t promised I wouldn’t beat the living shit out of him. He didn’t fight back, but I only got a few hits in before the police were pulling me off him. They slung me to the side, and I sat up just in time to see Jonathan tossed onto his stomach on the deck as he got handcuffed from behind. “Jonathan Reins, you’re under arrest for …” The sound of the police officer’s voice faded away. Jonathan locked eyes with me, and I smirked, letting him know I was the one who had called and reported him. Shannon was too afraid to press charges. She wanted no part of going to court and reliving her past, but I wasn’t okay with him walking the streets as a free man. If he wasn’t going to prison for hurting the woman I loved, he was at least going to serve time for selling guns, drugs, and everything else I could pin on him. And as they pulled him to a standing position and began to walk him toward the dock, I smiled up at him from my spot and said the words I knew would haunt him the entire time he was behind bars. “Keep your ass dry in prison, pretty boy. Remember, if it’s wet, you want it.”

TWENTY-TWO SHANNON I WAS MISERABLE WITHOUT HIM. My heart was broken, and I hurt even worse knowing I hurt him. I was a crappy liar, which was why I refused to see him. I could lie through text message, but if he had asked me about my feelings in person, I know I would have never been able to look him in the eye and tell him the biggest lie I’d ever told. I don’t feel the same. It wasn’t true. I loved him so much it burned in my stomach … so much there was no longer any pleasure in it, and knowing he was left standing in the dark, clueless to what happened between us made me feel like the most terrible person in the world, but I couldn’t tell him the one person he trusted in the world was a terrible human being. It felt wrong. So I ran, leaving him behind and breaking my own heart while breaking his.

A week passed, and I didn’t work. I didn’t sleep, and eating made my stomach nauseated. I had once heard heartache would make you physically ill. I thought it was bullshit, but the fact was I was sick with depression and finding it hard to get out of bed. Devin and Lilly lied for me, but neither of them knew what was going on. I refused to tell anyone. I didn’t visit Grammy as much as I should have because I was afraid I would run into him. I basically stopped living my life. Lilly came in the door from work, tossing her purse onto the counter with a sigh. She had recently found out she was pregnant and was tired all the time. I felt bad that I was missing work and she was covering my hours, but I promised to return the following day. With a baby on the way, Devin and Lilly were sure to find a place of their own soon. Without Lilly and Matthew, and with Grammy in the nursing home, there would be no one. Thinking of that made me feel even lonelier. “You have baby powder between your cleavage,” she said, pointing at my chest. I looked down between my tits and using my finger I swiped up the white powder from my skin and sucked it from my finger. “It’s not baby powder, it’s powdered sugar.” Lilly’s eye went wide, and her mouth popped

open. “Wow, you’re on a whole other level over there, girl.” I nodded, agreeing one hundred percent. “Still not ready to discuss it?” she asked. I shook my head. “Nope.” I wasn’t trying to be rude to Lilly, but I couldn’t make anything I said sound nice. I had broken my filter and my give a damn on the same night. An hour later, she and Devin left for the night, going to spend some time with his family. She had been doing that a lot, and I found myself alone much more than I wanted to be. I would park my car in a different part of the apartment’s parking lot in case anyone decided to pay me a visit, and I ignored the phone and the doorbell, which sucked big time when I needed to go out because I had to walk all the way across the apartment complex to get to my car. So when I ran out of ice cream and decided I needed it for my night alone with Netflix, that was what I had to do. With a pair of pink pajama bottoms, a black pullover sweater, and a pair of flip-flops, I left my apartment. Reaching up, I tied my long hair into a somewhat decent bun and turned to lock the door. Once the door was locked, I turned and started toward my car. When I did, I ran into a familiar wall of heat. His fingers wrapped around my arms, holding me up, and I froze.

“Shannon,” he whispered. “Please just let me talk.” I didn’t look up at him. I couldn’t because I knew the minute I did, I would break for him. Instead, my eyes caught on the collar of his shirt and remained there. “I know why you ran away,” he said, making my spine straighten. “I’m so sorry I took you there. That you had to see him again.” His palms smoothed up and down my arms, trying to comfort me, but my anxiety had reached such high levels it was seeping out of my scalp. I wasn’t sure I would ever be comfortable again. He knew. So everyone else would know, as well. I would never be able to hide behind the veil of secrecy again. “I wish you would have told me instead of leaving that night, but I get it. I totally get it,” he said. His best friend. His brother. He said Jonathan was like family to him, and I couldn’t expect him to turn his back on his family for me. I wouldn’t ask him to do that, but I also wouldn’t continue to be around him. I couldn’t. “Say something. Please.” I opened my mouth to speak, but the words caught in my throat. I had so many questions, but

my brain was spinning, and I couldn’t latch on to one particular one. Then finally. “How did you find out?” I asked. He cupped my chin and tilted my face to his. I closed my eyes, still afraid to look at him. “Look at me, Red,” he whispered. “I want to see your beautiful eyes on me.” My lashes fluttered, a tear slipping past them and riding over my cheek. He wiped it away and pressed a kiss on my check. When I opened my eyes, he was looking down at me with a sad smile. “There she is.” His grin grew. “It was your grandmother.” I jerked. “What about her?” “I visit her all the time. Except I had no idea she was your grandmother. You see, I don’t actually visit anyone at Twin Oaks. A while back, I got in trouble for drinking and driving. I was actually doing my community service there. I just finished up last week.” “Why didn’t you tell me?” He shook his head. “I was embarrassed. Anyway, I would visit Iris once or twice a week and chat with her. She’s a special lady.” I smiled and nodded my head. “That she is.” And then I realized something. “Oh my God, you’re the gentleman she’s always talking about.”

He looked confused. I explained. “She tells me all the time a man stops by and flirts with her. I thought she was just talking out of her head. I didn’t think there was seriously a person stopping and visiting her. “ He chuckled. “Yeah. That’s me. I stopped by to see her last week, and she accidentally knocked over a little box full of pictures. I saw pictures of you, and she told me you were her granddaughter. Then I came across your prom picture.” Again, I jerked, feeling as though he had hit me across the face with his sentence. “I’d know that fucking birthmark on his arm anywhere,” he said. I nodded, closing my eyes against the tears and pushing them down my cheeks. “I have nightmares about that birthmark,” I whispered. He pulled me in, holding me close to his chest, and let me cry on his shoulder. “I didn’t want you to know. You said he was like your brother. I’m so sorry, Matthew.” He pulled back, his eyes wide. “Don’t you dare apologize for that asshole, Red. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. If anything, I’m sorry you had to see him again. I’m so fucking sorry. Just know, he got exactly what he deserved.” “What do you mean?” “I mean, he might not be serving time for what

he did to you, but he will definitely be in prison for a while. I know too much about his guns and drugs. I couldn’t let him walk around free knowing what he did to you.” I gasped. “You turned him in? Your best friend?” He nodded. “For you, I’d do anything.” Wrapping my arms around his waist, I held him close, listening to the fast beating of his heart. His fingers sifted through my hair while he dropped tiny kisses on top of my head. Minutes passed as we held each other. “I guess I’ll get going then. I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I’m here. I’m not giving up on us, Shannon. When I told you I loved you, I meant it.” He pulled away, but I couldn’t let him go. Not when I needed him there. Not when I wanted him there. I’d been thinking it the entire time, but saying it to anyone but my grammy had always been a problem for me. Not anymore. Not after what he did for me. “I love you, too,” I muffled against the front of his shirt. He stilled, pushing me gradually away from him until I was looking into his face once again. “Say it again, but this time I want to see your face when you say it.”

I smiled nervously, my body feeling as though it was shaking. My eyes met his, his blue eyes looking much more vibrant than I’d ever seen them before. “I said I love you, too.” He kissed me hard. His mouth devouring mine like never before. Turning us, he pressed me against my door and lost his hands in my hair, pulling out my bun. I kissed him back, grabbing at the doorknob behind as I tried to open the door and pull him inside with me. Locked. I’d locked the stupid door. I pulled away and took a deep breath. Turning away from him, I stuck my key in the knob and popped the door open. We barely made it inside the house before we were undressing. And there, on the couch in the middle of the living room where Lilly and Devin could come in at any point, we made love. Matthew showed me at that moment what I meant to him, and I tried with all that I was to show him the same. I didn’t think I would ever come down from the high of feeling so free, but as we were snuggling on the couch afterward, I received a phone call that would rock my world once again. “Hello, this is Loretta, a nurse here at Twin Oaks. We need you to come in right away. It’s your grandmother.”

WE BURIED MY GRAMMY BESIDE POPS, and her information on the double headstone we purchased after his death years before was finally filled in, marking the date she was born and the date she died. I cried beside her grave as they lowered her pink casket into the ground. I would miss her, but at least, she wasn’t suffering. At least, she was with her love again. Grammy had always told me that our lives were just a blink. She said we were just passing through until we arrived at the pearly gates. I comforted myself thinking about her sayings and how nice it would be for her if Pop was waiting at the gates for her. I stayed next to her side long after the funeral was over and the few people who had shown up to pay their respects had left. Tears slipped down my cheeks, dripping onto the front of my black dress and leaving dark dots. “Are you okay?” I turned to find Matthew behind me, his eyes downcast and puffy. He was wearing a dark suit with a black tie. His hair was smoothed back, but his face looked as if he hadn’t shaved in a few

days. I shook my head. “I’ve lost almost everything,” I said. “My childhood. My pop. My grammy. And I left my future to burn with everything my grammy and pop owned.” “What are you talking about? You still have a future, Shannon.” “No. His ring,” I cried, not making any sense. “His ring is gone, and so is my chance at a precious moment. I’d hoped you were it, but without the ring, I feel like it’s not possible.” His expression cleared, and his eyes widened. “What did you say?” “My pop left me his wedding band. He told Grammy to give it to me when he passed. He said I was to give it to my precious moment.” Realizing how crazy I sounded, I dropped my arms and said, “Never mind. You have no idea what I’m talking about.” “Actually, I do,” he said, moving closer to me. Taking my hand, his warm fingers made my cold ones tingle. “We’re just passing through, Shannon, and if you find someone you love, you should treat them like it’s the last time you’ll ever see them … every day. Treat them as if they’re a precious moment in your life that you’ll only get to experience once.” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a golden wedding band that looked awfully familiar. It

wasn’t until I saw the date of my grammy and pop’s wedding day etched into the side that I knew it was Pop’s ring. “Where did you get that?” I asked in shock. “Your grandmother gave it to me. She said I should give it to my precious moment. Then she explained to me what that was. It makes sense that it belongs to you because that’s exactly what you are … my precious moment.”

EPILOGUE “WITH THIS RING, I THEE WED,” I said as I slid my pop’s wedding band onto Matthew’s finger. He smiled down at me, his blue eyes shining with love and the sweet dimple in his cheek winking. Nothing was more beautiful than Matthew Ellis in a tuxedo. Nothing. His dark hair was styled, his skin tanner than usual from our vacation to Hawaii a few weeks before. His tux was black with a crisp, white shirt beneath and a pink boutonniere pinned to his front. Pink for my grammy since it was her favorite color. Soft pink flowers and baby’s breath decorated as far as the eye could see. And even though I knew Matthew wasn’t the biggest fan of the color, he understood my reason for it and accepted it with a smile. He turned to Devin, his best man, and took the wedding band from him when the pastor asked. And then he slipped it onto my finger, sliding his large, warm fingers across my skin. Lilly, my maid

of honor, sniffled beside me, her pregnancy hormones getting the best of her and making me smile thinking about how far we had all came from where we started. After we had exchanged rings, we held hands, and my eyes moved over his wedding band once again. Pop’s ring looked amazing on Matthew’s finger, and I knew it was because if any other man was going to wear something that meant so much to my pop, it was Matthew. He embodied the same ideals and morals, and he loved me beyond measure, taking care of me in a way that I knew my pop would approve of. And as far as grammy went, well, she had basically chosen Matthew for me. She might have been in and out of her mind toward the end, but I knew when she gave Matthew pop’s ring, she was doing it with purpose. We had their approval, and that meant the world to me. I could only hope that our marriage would be as happy as theirs was. The smiles. The memories. The love. I was going to live those things with my husband. And as we passed through this life together, we would do it hand and hand, loving each other like it was our last day together … every

day. Grammy had once said she was lucky to receive two precious moments in her life—me and my pop. And as I thought about the tiny miracle growing inside me that would one day bring me the ultimate kind of love, I knew I was one of the lucky ones, as well.

KEEP READING FOR AN EXCERPT FROM ON THE PLUS SIDE AND BLACK SHEEP!

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“But, Dev, he hit me first… kind of,” Jenny said as she handed me a socket wrench. I was under the car, of course. Under the hood of a vehicle was my second home. “It’s not my fault he didn’t protect his balls. You always protect your balls. Even I know that, and I’m a chick.” She bit her nails as she talked. I could tell by her muffled voice. “That’s debatable. Me and Dad aren’t so sure anymore.” I chuckled as she kicked my booted foot, which stuck out from under the car. “Also, could you please not talk about balls with me? I’m

pretty sure there’s like a rule about little sisters saying the word balls anywhere in the vicinity of their brother. If there isn’t, let’s just go ahead and put that rule on the books.” I released the old oil from the engine. It splattered up from the oil pan and landed on my grease-covered shirt. I pulled the rag from my back pocket and wiped my hands so that I could get a better grip on the ratchet. “I’m assuming the new rule applies to the word cock, too?” She laughed. “Yes!” I said, a little too loudly. “That word is strictly forbidden.” “Don’t be a little bitch, Dev,” she said as she slipped a new oil filter under the car to me. “Watch your damn mouth, Jenny. Could you at least attempt to be a lady? Ladies don’t kick boys in their balls because they win a game of Halo. I’d be pissed if I were him, too. You need to call him and apologize. Josh has been your best friend too long—don’t let a stupid game ruin that.” “First of all, he did not win and second, I was raised by two dudes. I’m pretty sure the lady train left the station when I was nine.” She popped open a can of soda and sighed. “Whatever, I guess I’ll run him over some gummy worms later and say sorry. He’s such a baby. It’s just balls. He smacked me in the boob once, and you didn’t hear me bitchin’ and moanin’,” she said as she left the

garage and headed toward the back door of the house. “You said balls again!” I yelled from under the car. I couldn’t hear her response over the loud smack of the screened door. I finished up the oil change, and then worked on a dent I acquired at the grocery store. Poor Lucy, my sixty-nine Chevy Camaro, didn’t stand a chance against the wayward grocery cart. She was a gift from my dad. When I got her, she was just a big heap of junk, wouldn’t even crank. My dad wasn’t one for gifts, but being a mechanic had its perks every now and then. When a customer couldn’t pay for the new transmission my dad dropped in his truck, a trade for the cash was offered and I got Lucy. To me, she was worth every minute we put into that man’s piece-of-shit truck. Dad might not agree with me on that, but what can I say, I got the better part of that deal. Lucy was the epitome of beauty. You couldn’t buy the kind of character that an old muscle car had these days, and Lucy had it in spades. I’d rather be out there, secluded in the garage with her, than any other place in the world. I’d spent hours overhauling my car and I’d spend every dime on the project, if I had a dime. At my age, I should have had a steady woman in my life, but cars were better than women were.

They were gorgeous, powerful, and they purred when you handled them. They did all that without the mandatory attachment that women required. “Devin! Are you gonna stay in that garage under that car all day? I need ya to come in for a minute, boy!” Dad yelled from the back door of the house. “I’m comin’!” I hollered back. “Is this man ever gonna give me a break?” I sighed to myself. It wouldn’t be so bad if I actually made some money working in the shop with Dad. Since I made such a crappy paycheck, the least he could do was give me five minutes to dwell on my less-thanstellar life. Instead, he pushed me harder and harder every day. You’d think he’d appreciate the fact that I haven’t ran off and left him high and dry, but oh no… not Harold Michaels, aka, the town drunk. If my dad could fix a car as fast as he could take out a six-pack of beer, I swear we’d be rich. Even drunk as a skunk, the man knew his way around an engine. That fact kept the people in our small town from caring that he did business with Budweiser on his breath. One of the plus sides of living in a town full of truck owners was the fact that once the good ole boys found a decent mechanic, they stuck with him. Who cared that he couldn’t stand up straight or speak without a slur as long as the job got done, right? That was the biggest reason our small father-

and-son shop stayed afloat. The other reason, of course, was because I was a whiz at the books. Last year alone, I saved Dad three grand in taxes. I should’ve stayed in school, and then maybe I could’ve gone somewhere else in this world. Instead, here I was, twenty-two years old, stuck with Renee, a wannabe girlfriend, who drove me nuts, and a father who was a slave driver. Let’s not forget my fifteen-year-old sister, Jenny, who should’ve been born a boy. I guessed things could’ve been worse; I could have been all alone in this big bad world. I pulled myself out from under Lucy and stood there for a minute before running out of the garage and across the yard to the house. The screened door snapped back, making a loud slamming noise when I walked in. Dad was sitting at the kitchen table, sorting through a massive stack of bills. He shook his head in disgust. For as much business as we made at our little shop, it never seemed to be enough. We barely kept our heads above water. The last couple of months had been the worst we’d had in a long while though. A new mechanic shop just opened on the outskirts of town. Even though I knew all the customers would come back once the new place got old, I couldn’t help but worry about us until then. It happened in our line of business. Some new

shop with bright paint and fresh tools would pop up and stay open just long enough to make us financially uncomfortable. Another advantage to living in a small town… people didn’t like change. They always came back to what they knew, and the people in Walterboro knew my dad. “What’s up, Pops?” I said as I tapped the top on a cold Mountain Dew. “Son, we got ourselves a bit of a problem. It seems we’re a little behind on some loans. We gotta come up with some cash, fast.” “Okay. Which loans are we talking about and how much?” I pinched my lips together like a disappointed mom. I knew exactly which loans we were talking about, or maybe I should have said which loan. The one we were talking about was the loan on the house and the garage. Back before I started taking care of the books for Dad, he’d gotten so deep in debt with the IRS that he actually had to take a loan out on anything he had of value. From the look on his face, I could tell the amount was going to chap my ass. “What’s the damage and what can we do?” I asked impatiently. “Well, it’s along the lines of eight grand, and there’s nothin’ comin’ to mind. You got any ideas?” Eight thousand dollars! I switched out my Mountain Dew for a beer.

“How long do we have?” I sighed. “The final notice says ninety days. I don’t see how we can come up with eight grand by then. I just hope somethin’ comes up.” It pissed me off that he kept saying “me” and “us” like I had something to do with it. He was the one who let it get this bad. He was the one that needed to go back to school and learn basic math, not me! I stared back at Dad for a minute and let the last few sentences he uttered fill my brain and make sense. “Dad, I’m gonna take a drive and try to figure some stuff out. You want me to grab you anything while I’m out?” “No, don’t be gone long, though. Morgan’s bringin’ over that Ford that’s been tickin’. I want you to look it over for me,” I heard him say as I walked back out the door—the screened door snapped back and made an even louder banging noise. All the work I put into this stupid shop trying to save it, and all the time I spared in the garage with him, were a waste. I could have had a real job somewhere far from here. I could have had my own place and taken care of myself. I had always been a hard worker, and I had always hated the fact that I was stuck here, going nowhere fast. I had been working in Dad’s garage ever since I

was twelve or so. I used to come home from school, eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and then head straight out back, where I’d spend the rest of my night under the hood of something. That was back when Mom was still around. She left when Jenny was six. The year I turned thirteen was the hardest year of my life. Not only was I officially a teenager dealing with all the new hormones and growth spurts, but also my mom left me like I was nothing. You’d think she would have at least stuck around to see Jenny grow up. What kind of woman left a sixyear-old girl behind with two males? Leaving me with Dad could almost be excused, but a young girl needed a mom to teach her girly stuff. My mom was a beauty and apparently, every man in town thought so. I could still remember the nights my mom and dad would argue. I always wondered why he would let her run around on him like she did. If I knew as a boy what was going on, then you know everyone in town knew. My dad must’ve looked like a dumbass. There were some happy times when they were together, but most days, I’d sit back and watch as Dad tried everything to make her happy. The day she left, she didn’t even say goodbye to Jenny and me. I could hear Dad begging her to stay and telling her how much he loved her. At one point during the conversation, he asked,

“What about the kids? You just gonna walk out on the kids?” I couldn’t hear her response, but apparently, we didn’t matter too much. She gave up on us, and you never got over the pain of losing a mother. It would’ve been easier if she had died. I wouldn’t hate her as much for leaving if it wasn’t by choice. I haven’t been the same since she left, and I’ve always blamed her for my fear of attachment. Though I’d never talk about it, deep down, she was the reason I had trust issues. She was the reason I refused to bind myself to anyone. The fear of feeling the way I felt the day she left was unbearable. I would never put myself in the position to get hurt like my dad did. I’d never even had a serious girlfriend. Jenny was the reason I stuck around here. I’d die before I walked out on her. She was the only reason I still worked at Dad’s shop—the reason I’d do almost anything to get this money and save our home. “Shit!” I said as I pounded my hand on the steering wheel. Eight thousand dollars! Where in the hell was I going to find that kind of money so fast? I could always rob a bank. Bank robbers always got caught, but maybe I could hide the money somewhere for Dad and Jenny to find, like in one of those awesome action movies.

After driving around aimlessly for an hour, I ended up in front of Renee’s house. I was in need of a good dose of stress relief. I spotted her sitting on her front porch, gossiping on her cell phone. She ended the conversation and smiled as soon as she saw me. She was a pretty girl—tall and lean, the way I like them. I wouldn’t call her beautiful, since most of the attractive things about her were fake—boxdyed blonde hair, false nails, and a rigid smile. It would suck to find out that her blue eyes were contacts. Physically, she was not perfect for me, since I liked natural girls better, but emotionally, she was my exact match. She was aware of my limits, which made things comfortable. No expectations made for an easy ride. Thanks to her reputation for being a freak in the sheets, some guys called me lucky to have her. I knew differently. Her self-centered nature made her active in bed, but as for being a freak… not so much. Slamming her slender body against mine, she wrapped her arms around my neck. I leaned down and pecked her on the mouth. “Is that all I get? I swear, Devin, I don’t know why I bother with you.” Her deep southern twang stabbed into my eardrums. “I guess it’s too much to ask for a flirty phone call every now and again? I

wish you would’ve called to let me know you were comin’ by. I have a nail appointment, and then Nicole’s coming over for a movie night. Oh! I almost forgot, I talked to Matt the other day… Did you know that Cassie’s brother went to Afghanistan?” She rambled on and on until finally she realized I wasn’t talking and stopped. “Why are you staring at me like that?” she asked. I imagined myself choking her to death and laughing hysterically like one of those crazy scary movie psycho freaks. I almost laughed out loud at the thought. My dad would kick my ass for just thinking a thing like that. I was raised to never put my hands on a female. “You talk too much. Let’s go inside and do this,” I said flatly. There was no need to bullshit her into thinking I was there for any other reason but to get laid. She leaned in and kissed me, slipping her tongue into my mouth. Before long, we were in her small, two-bedroom house, falling over things, trying to make it to her bedroom. Mindy, her roommate, was nowhere in sight, thankfully. Afterward, I sat back in her bed, surrounded by fluffy, pink pillows and lace. She was definitely the girly type, nothing like my little sister Jenny. I’d probably die if I saw anything pink in her room. Renee quietly slept with her legs wrapped around mine. I felt so much better. Sex was what I needed;

sex was the main reason I keep her around. Shit, she used me, why the hell shouldn’t I use her? I looked over at the pink alarm clock on the side table. It was getting pretty late. I really needed to head home, and I seriously needed to find eight thousand dollars… fast. With that final thought, I quickly and quietly got out of Renee’s bed. Slipping on my clothes, I slid through the house to the front door. The evening air rushed through my hair as I slammed the door behind me. The entire way home, my thoughts were on money. There had to be a way; there was always a way.

Yesterday, at a charity benefit my mom pretended to be interested in, a miniature man on a massive stage was trying to get everyone to donate to a multitude of charities. I was usually the biggest donator, mainly because the people who run those things knew me so well—they preyed on my conscience and made me feel like a monster for having money. Once they pulled out the slideshows of starving children, I was done for. I left with at least a hundred grand missing from my bank account. Anyway, this little man said something that made me really evaluate my world. He asked the group of multi-millionaires what they’d be willing

to give up to make a difference in someone else’s life. It made me think of the things that I’d never give up. Money wasn’t really a problem, especially for me, but what in my life did I hold dear? My list was pretty pathetic for a twenty-yearold woman. Really pathetic! There were few things in my life that you’d have to pry from my cold, dead fingers before they were ever taken from me. The first thing was my Spanx. Which, in my opinion, were the best manmade contraptions ever, better than electricity or chocolate. The creators of those life-changing pieces of cloth should be put on a pedestal for all the chubby girls of the world to worship. Spanx, the body-shaping devices of the fatty-girl world… I bow down to you. I didn’t know what they were made of, or who came up with the fantastical idea, but they were a godsend. If it weren’t for my Spanx, every fat roll I owned would spill forth like frothy, white volcano lava. It kept the back fat to a minimum, too. Everyone with extra poundage could appreciate that. There was just nothing like walking around feeling like you had an extra pair of double Ds strapped to your back. The second thing I held dear was my paid for, but not really nice anymore, ninety-seven black Honda Accord. Yes, I had money to purchase a new car. Yes, I probably should have purchased a

new car, but my car had been with me through thick and thin. Well, not really the thin, more like the thick and thicker. Referring to anything in my life as thin was just wrong in so many ways. Finally, the third thing that I couldn’t live without was ice cream. As far as I was concerned, ice cream could heal broken bones if applied directly to the skin. Think about it. If you considered how many broken hearts ice cream had mended, it wouldn’t really seem that outlandish. Not to mention, ice cream was full of calcium. Calcium + bones = good! I thought doctors everywhere should buy stock in ice cream products. It would save a ton of money in health care. This kind of logic was what got me through a pint of cookies and cream without the guilt of knowing two more pounds were coming my way. Hey, whatever got you through your day, right? Needless to say, the amount of suckage in my life was mind blowing for a girl with more money than she could count. I should’ve been happy. I should’ve been lying on a warm beach somewhere while my newly liposuctioned body was being massaged by my sexy boyfriend, who had a really hot name like Damon. I wasn’t. Instead, I went to work. I sat behind a jewelry counter, working for money that I didn’t need, in an attempt to achieve some form of normalcy.

The space between my chin and the heel of my palm started to sweat as I stared out the store window at the people walking by. Okay, so today was going to be a bad day. Technically, since my day at work was almost over, it was already a bad day. Not to mention I had a coffee date with my mom that was rapidly approaching. Other than the fact that I’d have a reason to leave work early, I dreaded meeting my mom. Our little coffee dates rarely ended on a good note. As much as I’d love to put off facing the dragon, it was time to go. “Shannon! I’m gonna go ahead and leave, okay? I’ll keep my cell close in case you need me,” I yelled. I seriously doubted that anything would happen in the next thirty minutes that would require my excellent management skills, especially considering we might have had one or two customers all day. “Go ahead, honey. See you when I get home!” she called back. “Remember, call my cell if you need anything and please don’t forget to lock the top lock. Mrs. Franklin will have a fit if you forget again,” I said as she came from the back of the store. I watched as Shannon stumbled around with way too many tiny jewelry boxes piled in her arms. She tossed them on the front counter and smiled innocently. A stray lock of bright red hair attacked

her eyes, and I laughed at the face she made as she blew it out of her vision. “I got ya covered, Lil. Have fun with your mom,” she teased. Rolling my eyes, I walked out of the store and made my way toward my car. When I got my license, my mom tried to convince me to let her buy me an expensive sports car. I think she was more worried about my sixteenyear-old reputation than I was. As if a girl like me would ever be happy with a car that was too small. I had to deal with things that were “too small” my entire life—why the hell would I torture myself more? Did she seriously think I’d want to stuff myself into a skinny girl car every day? Um… no thanks! Feeling like a sardine was never my thing. All skinny sports cars aside, things mean more when you buy them for yourself anyway. If I let my mom buy me everything she offered, then I wouldn’t have room in my life for anything else. Thankfully, my mom moved past the point of trying to live my life. That was only after years of trying to make her understand that I was nothing like her. I had always been the kind of person who liked to do things for myself. I wanted to work for anything that I acquired in my life. For instance, I loved my car, and not because it was the greatest car ever, but because I paid for it with my own

money. Money I earned back before my life was changed forever, before Grandma died and left me millions. It was my car. My mom didn’t understand that. She had never worked a day in her life. I had never hated her for that—she was just playing the cards she was dealt. My grandparents were always wealthy, so she never knew any different. I was raised with money, too, but my dad dumped tons of reality into my life before he ran off to California without me. Simply put, the money was mine. The huge amount was dropped on me from my grandma’s will. I received it on my twentieth birthday, but I’d give it all back for just one more day with her. She was a lot like my mom, meaning she loved to spend money. The difference was she wanted me to be happy with myself—she never made me feel like a disappointment. Her pride in me was evident, while my mom always looked down on me, made me feel like I was just one step below where I should be. My mom always was a snob, though she’d never admit it. If you removed her impressive bitch mask, you’d see that she had a seriously diluted sense of self-worth. If she had an honest moment, she’d admit that having money made her feel superior to everyone else. I thought she got off on it. I never felt the need to make my life less

abnormal than it had always been by being flashy with cash that I never wanted to begin with. Normalcy was in short supply for me. My permanent single status ruled the all-girls private school I grew up in, and I was dubbed Large Lilly, aka the Virgin Mary. Just call me the president of the twenty-year-old virgins’ club! The member list included me and a bunch of unattractive nuns. When it finally happened for me, it would be real. I had no desire to be in the kind of relationship my parents were in before they divorced. They were miserable and hated each other. It was the perfect example of what not to be. I wanted love… the kind they wrote books about, but my fear of rejection refused to make it possible. A special shout out to all the awesome high school girls who taunted me daily—thanks for the fabulous fat-girl complex. There was a sense a comedy surrounding my situation. Technically, I could have anything I wanted. I could buy anything, but the one thing I couldn’t buy was the one thing I craved. It wasn’t like you could run through the closest drive-thru and grab a relationship. One hot boy toy to go, please! My inner ranting was cut short by the bell over the door to Mirabelle’s, my favorite little cafe. My mom was already seated as she sipped her vanilla espresso. I hated the fact that she chose to sit in a

booth instead of a table. I’d pull my fingernails out before I admitted that the booths were too small for me. Guess who got to play squeeze the fat girl into the tiny booth? “How was work?” Mom asked. My presence didn’t even warrant her to look up from her daily newspaper—the financial pages, no doubt. “Good,” I said. “How was the spa?” I held my breath as I sucked in my stomach and slid into the seat. The table dug into my mini-muffin top. She ignored my spa question. “Your father called. He says it’s been nearly two weeks since he’s heard from you.” “Yeah, I know. I need to call him. I’ve just have been so busy at work. We got a brand-new shipment in for the fall. Shannon and I have been killing ourselves trying to get it all set up. You should come by, Mom. We have tons of stuff I know you’d love.” She looked up at me like I’d lost my mind. Her newspaper rattled to the table. “Honey, no offense, but you know I don’t shop at those kinds of places. I wish you’d quit that awful job, or at least consider working somewhere more appropriate. Your grandfather’s probably turning in his grave at the thought of his angel

working countless hours. You weren’t bred for that, Lilly.” She blew on her espresso, sending the scent of vanilla my way. “I know, Mom, but I enjoy it there. Mrs. Franklin’s talking about making me area manager over all three stores. I hope I get the job.” “If we’re being honest with each other, I hope you get fired from that pitiful place.” She sniffed. A mocha latte was placed in front of me. Going to the same café almost every day had its benefits. They always knew what I wanted. I walked in, and they got it ready for me. “Here you go, Lilly. Having a good day?” Joey smirked at me. He was the only male worker at Mirabelle’s and a joker to boot. “Oh yeah, today’s been a fabulous day. It’s getting better, too,” I said, sarcastically. It was an inside joke between the people that work at the café and me. Since Mirabelle’s had always been my meeting place with Mom, they’d figured out how well our little meeting was going by how many lattes I ordered. One latte usually meant it was a pleasant conversation, quick and to the point. Two lattes meant things didn’t go so well. Three meant I was probably about three minutes away from pulling my hair out and hanging my mother by a makeshift napkin noose. “Mom!” I said in a hushed tone after Joey left

the table. “Why would you say that? You hope I get fired? I can’t believe you’d wish bad things on me like that. I have to have that job for sanity purposes. I’m so sorry that I refuse to live like you, but that’s no reason for you to say mean things to me.” I rolled my eyes, nursing my latte and wishing I had told her I couldn’t get out of work. Mom continued on and on about me not needing to work. I tuned her out. It was always about money with her. Normal families argued because the children constantly asked the parents for money. In my case, we argued because I refused to blow it. There have been a few times when expensive name brand handbags and shoes would mysteriously show up at my door—brand names I couldn’t even pronounce. Normal people didn’t wear twelve-hundred-dollar shoes. Needless to say, Shannon had a pretty impressive closet. As I continued to tune my mom out, I noticed a cute couple at a corner table. They were gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes. Their elbows were rested on the table for balance as they each leaned in to get closer to the other. It was adorable to watch as he smiled at her and softly rubbed her hand. Her cheeks were turning pink as he whispered sweet nothings to her from across the table.

I smiled secretly to myself at the love story that was unfolding in front of me. Their love for each other was evident. It was written in their smiles and seeped out of their eyes. I couldn’t look away. I hated myself for being a crazy, romance stalker, but the longing that crashed over me was paralyzing. “Lilly! What’s gotten into you? Are you even listening to me?” I snapped my attention back to my mom. “Of course I’m listening. I have a lot on my mind right now.” “Sweetie, you know you can talk to me about anything. Go ahead, exactly what’s bothering you?” The couple in the corner caught my attention once more. “Mom, did you love Dad?” She straightened her body as if reflecting the awkward question with her chest. “I loved your father very much. Unfortunately, my love wasn’t enough for the both of us. Why do you ask such a strange question?” “No reason,” I said. “Just curious what it felt like.” She looked at me sadly as she proceeded to pat my hand in an attempt to be motherly. “Okay, enough with this nonsense. Let’s do something fun. Let’s go shopping! We can buy whatever you want, anything that’ll make you happy. Just tell me what it is and I’ll make sure you get it.”

Growing up, anytime some skinny girl at school would laugh at me or we had a school dance that I never had a date to—Mom was always the first one to blow it off as no big deal. She’d buy something fun and after a while, I’d get over it. It was her way. The only way she knew how to show affection was to buy things. Instead of the sweet words and motherly hugs, I got gifts. “Money can’t buy everything, Mom,” I said, as I looked back to the cute couple now making out in their little corner. Mom looked at them, too. She knew right away what I meant. “Are you lonely, sweetie? Because I’ll be the first to tell you that you do not need a man to make you happy. Trust me. I had one for twenty years, and I was miserable.” She laughed at her little joke. I smiled at her, and then gave a forced laugh. “Just forget it, Mom. Let’s go shopping. I could use a few new shirts and a pair of shoes,” I said, hoping she would forget what she had just witnessed. I hated shopping for clothes. Trying to find something decent to fit me was my idea of hell. I’d gladly go through hell if it meant my mom would forget the conversation we just had. The last thing I wanted was her trying any stupid matchmaking schemes with a bunch of idiot men who’d rather be celibate than touch me. Of course, it worked. I listened as she went over all the stores she

wanted to visit and the things she wanted to buy. I followed her out of the café, barely paying attention. Today wasn’t my day. All the mushy love thoughts and the “no one wants me” whining was starting to get on my nerves. Aunt Flo was definitely knocking at my door, and she brought the bitch triplets P, M, and S with her. I stood in the first store we went to and daydreamed of a hot bubble bath, candles, and Christina Perri on low volume. All this shopping for expensive crap that would never fit, when all I really wanted was a nice bath and a naughty threesome with Ben & Jerry’s. So much for that idea! GET YOUR COPY OF ON THE PLUS SIDE TODAY!

PROLOGUE Tyson Payne, age 12

THE MOTEL WE were living in let us pay by the week and was the nicest place we’d ever stayed. Sure, there were still bugs and rotting shag carpeting, but at least the towels and sheets were clean-ish, and the place didn’t smell like puke and old cheese. We’d been there two weeks, which was a record for us, and in all that time, I’d only heard gunshots once. Most nights, I didn’t sleep, but at this motel, I knew I could since the door even had a lock that worked. “That’s it, Ty, do what Daddy says,” my father muttered through rotting teeth. I once saw a picture of my father when he was younger. He looked a lot like I did with a bright white smile, a freshly shaven face, and short, dark hair. Now, you could barely see his dirty face since his beard was long and scraggly, and his white smile was definitely a thing of the past. The needle pierced his aging skin, hitting the

target vein, and I pressed on the end of the syringe the way he’d taught me, pushing the drugs into his system. Once the syringe was empty, I sat back on the rough, plaid loveseat and watched as my father relaxed into the molding cushion with a sigh. The effects were instant, and his eyes slowly closed to dark slits on his dirty face. The side of his mouth lifted as he attempted a smile and failed. “Good boy,” he slurred. “That’s a good boy.” I’d done this many times, but this time was different. This time, after I stuck him, I waited until he was roaming in the clouds with a relaxed smile on his face. Then I put another tiny chunk of heroin on the spoon. I added a sprinkle of water before I held the lighter beneath the spoon and watched the powdery chunk melt into the liquid, turning the clear bits of water brown. Picking up the needle, I filled it once again, sucking the liquid out of the spoon. His eyes were closed, and his skin was flushed from his high. Once he was totally still, I squeezed his arm to make the vein pop once again. I stuck him a second time in the same spot, filling his body to the brink with his favorite poison. I knew what I was doing. I was aware of what would happen if someone were injected with too much. I’d once seen a man do too much. He lay on the sidewalk outside our old room and foamed at

the mouth. An hour after he died, the police came, and a man wrapped him in black plastic. My father would surely die from the amount I dumped in him, but I didn’t care. I wanted away from him—away from it all. He was dying a slow death, and I was the one who killed him. At twelve years old, I shouldn’t have the knowledge of how to shoot someone up with heroin, but I did. I knew many things a child my age shouldn’t know—things they didn’t teach me at school on the days when I could make it. I’d seen the darkest of the dark—the lowest of the low. Drugs. Sex. The disgust of the world. I’d lived with those people most of my life. I’d shot my father up so many times over the last two years of my life. He was always too high— too broken to even try anymore. It was up to me to continue his high, and so I did. Between his fingers. Between his toes. Wherever was convenient. I’d stick him, and he’d melt away, leaving me at peace for a little while. Peace. All I ever wanted was peace. I was twelve. I wanted to go outside and play.

Maybe go to school every day like I was supposed to instead of only a few times a week. I wanted the normal life of a child, but instead, I was Frank’s punching bag. Frank’s everything. His hands were always on me in one way or another, and when he didn’t have the money for his drugs, he would hand me over to others as payment. I was dirty and broken—tortured and abused— and if something didn’t change soon, I knew I’d be found dead in a back alley somewhere one day. They were murdering me mentally with every touch of their filthy fingers. So much, in fact, that I’d considered killing myself instead of my father. Not only was I weak, but apparently, I was a coward, as well. The things they did to me would never be forgotten. The mental and physical scars would always remain—tarnishing my soul and keeping me away from heaven. Because of my father and his ‘friends,’ I’d never know happiness or goodness. It didn’t matter how far away I got from all the terrible things in my life, I knew the memories would continue to haunt my dreams at night, waking me in a panic and leaving me breathless with gripping fear. No more. I couldn’t survive that way anymore, and if I could, I didn’t want to. It was either him or me. I stood from the loveseat and stared down at

him. His skin turned blue before my eyes, and he began to shiver. Black eyes that matched my own rolled inside his head, and his breathing became slow and labored, melting away with each exhale until his chest stopped rising and the pulse on the side of this neck stopped flickering. Only then did I release the breath I was holding. I couldn’t find it in myself to be upset that he was gone, and that wasn’t normal. As a matter of fact, I didn’t feel anything but relief when I looked down at his dead, motionless body. Mentally, I was a sick boy. Even I was smart enough to know that, but my robotic ways were what saved me for most of my life. I couldn’t die from grief if I didn’t feel the things they were doing to me. I wouldn’t crumple with sadness if I couldn’t feel it. It was my only defense against men who were much larger than I was—much stronger. But now, my father was gone, and maybe, I could come alive again. It was over. All of it was over. An hour later, I called for help. He was long gone by the time help arrived, and I stood to the side as they pulled my father’s body from the dirty loveseat and zipped him inside of a black body bag. I didn’t blink when they moved my father’s dead body, and I knew I was in shock. Not shock because he was dead, but shock because I’d killed

him. I was a murderer, but only I knew that. I’d keep that secret for the rest of my life. The police had me pack my meager belongings, and I left with them, leaving behind the disgust that was my life. I didn’t know where I’d end up. With no one to turn to, I’d probably be homeless. Nothing was set in stone, but I didn’t care. All I knew was I’d never get touched again. Frank Payne, my father, was no more. No more beatings. No more being fondled at two in the morning. No more anything. I was free. Regardless of where I landed after the storm, any place was sure to be better than where I was. Peace was mine for a few weeks as I was tossed from one home to another, all much nicer than any place I’d ever lived. I bounced from school to school, but I didn’t care. At least I was able to go. I’d never been more excited for homework and school assignments. Finally, after weeks of foster homes, an old friend of my father’s was found, and he agreed to take me in. After weeks of freedom, terror and devastation settled over me. Any friend of my father’s was sure to be just like every other ‘friend’ I’d met. Running away and living on the streets was a very big possibility. I refused to return to the life I

was living. I’d kill myself before another person touched me. I barely took a breath on the entire ride over to my new home, but I watched from the backseat as the dirty city streets became clean neighborhoods. I couldn’t imagine any of my father’s friends living in such a nice place, but I didn’t let that deter me from the caution and fear that roosted in my center. The car pulled up to a two-story brick ranch, and I swallowed the nerves that threatened to choke me. One thing I’d learned in my life was that looks could be deceiving. Just because a person or a place looked nice didn’t mean they were nice. I refused to let my guard down no matter what. The lawn was green and rolling like something I’d once seen on TV. A flowerbed filled with happy yellow daisies surrounded the mailbox at the end of the drive. Hanging plants and wind chimes hung from the large porch, sending their sweet music into the air around us. This place was a home. Maybe my home. It all depended on what I found on the inside. The yard was a shell—a show for outsiders—but I knew the kind of evil things that hid behind beauty. I kept my head down as we entered the house, my shoulders stiff with anxiety and fear. My eyes remained glued to my feet as I took step after step into an unknown territory. My heart drilled inside

my chest, and my palms were sweaty. The urge to run and hide was there. What if whatever was hiding behind the elaborate wooden door was worse than the life I’d murdered? What if I was trapped and couldn’t run away? I began to shake, the emotions overcoming me so quickly I was afraid I’d shut down. I was drowning, my air being cut from my lungs and sucking the life out of me. But once we settled into the center of the entranceway, I was welcomed by a friendly voice— a voice different from any other I’d heard. The soft manly tone with a hint of happiness and joy invoked hope and welcome, and somehow, it shocked the fear and anxiety from me. “Hello, Tyson. I’m Mr. Palmer. It’s very nice to meet you, buddy.” The treatment I’d endured over the years had taught me not to trust, and even though I was feeling okay with the sounds around me, I didn’t even trust myself. The uncertainty of the situation was there, even if I was starting to relax. I didn’t look up at him, but still, the friendly man continued to speak to me. I nodded and shook my head in response as he told me about my new room and new school—as he told me about how great it was going to be to have me there.

I wasn’t fooled. If nothing in life was ever good, how could anything in life ever be great? I didn’t bother to look up as the man introduced his wife and their son, their voices just as kind and welcoming as his. But when I heard her tiny voice for the first time, something inside me sparked and came to life. It was as if a bolt of electricity had struck me— shaking me so intensely that my insides scrambled, and I no longer knew which way was up and which way was down. The robotic boy I’d lived as suddenly felt something deep inside that had nothing to do with fear and pain. A light had shined down on me, heating my insides and leaving me breathless in a whole new way. For the first time in my life, I felt real contentment and delight—I felt at ease. “And my name’s Nicole,” she’d said. Her voice was soft and sweet … welcoming. It reminded me of the wind chimes on the front porch —sweet music to my ears. My head rolled back on my neck so I could look at her, and when I did, my entire world shifted. The boy I’d always been changed with that brief encounter. I’d always lived for the second, worrying only about myself and my survival, but looking back at me was an angel—an angel I knew I’d spend the rest of my life trying to protect.

She was small and pale. Her long blond hair was loosely braided and hung over her right shoulder. Blue, sparkling eyes glittered back at me, and she was smiling as if she was happy to see me. No one had ever looked at me like that before, and a feeling I didn’t understand spread through my body, shocking me and burning differently from any cigarette that had ever touched my skin. I’d known darkness—I’d touched it with my bare hands. Abuse had been my life for as long as I had memories. I’d been hit, burned, manhandled, and touched in places I was just learning the names to, but once I met Nicole Palmer, I learned a new meaning of the word torture. I never knew torment could be so sweet.

ONE Nicole Palmer

I’D LOVED TYSON Payne since the day he became a part of my family. His father, a friend of my dad’s from high school, had dropped dead from an overdose, leaving his twelve-year-old son with no one to care for him. My father was contacted as next of kin for some reason, and he and my mother gladly took Tyson in. He came to our home with his head down, beaten and defeated by life. Dirt smudged his olivetoned skin, and his clothes were tattered and too small for his growing frame. His hair was dark as night and hung long over his face. He was scary, but when he looked up and his midnight eyes connected with mine, I saw so much more. I saw what Tyson really was. He was beautiful. The way a jagged icicle ready to fall and pierce your heart could be beautiful. He was tragic, with heartbreaking memories that hid behind his gaze and taunted my curious nature. To know everything about Tyson was my ultimate goal, but getting past his steel exterior proved to be

fruitless. And that was our life. From the time he arrived when I was eleven, we grew up together; he took his place in our family without allowing himself to actually become a part of the family. He’d never said so, but he always thought of himself as the outsider. He took that role to heart—the outcast—brimming along the edges of our lives while living under the same roof and abiding by the same rules. He never allowed my parents to do much of anything for him yet pushed to do everything he could for them. As if him being there wasn’t enough. Like he needed to prove he was worthy of my parents and their love. He was the shadow of our family, always walking a few steps behind and darkening the halls of our modest home. Coarse and quiet. Hard and soft. He was everything to me, and the more our minds and bodies matured, the more diverse he became—transforming from a scrawny boy into a large, beautiful man before my eyes. A bad boy. That was what the girls at Bennett High School called him, and I could see where they got the name since he was in the principal’s office at least twice a week for fighting. I’d been told a lot of his

fighting had to do with me and defending my honor, but I was sure his issues with being touched also contributed. It was strange. At home, he was respectful and obedient— always kind and quiet—always willing to do whatever he needed to do to please my parents, but at school, he was wild and untamed—untouchable —uncontrollable and mean. He walked the hallways broody and angry—unwilling to take any drama from anyone—and people responded by giving him respect. By the time we were sixteen, the girls adored him and his dark, exotic looks, and the guys wanted to be him. He kept his hair longer, his black eyes hidden just beneath his overgrown strands, and had a cocky secure grin the ladies loved. I hated to admit it to myself then, but I loved everything about him too. Usually, I was immune to such things, but he called to me without even speaking. It was the danger that squatted beneath his olive skin and the mystery of his mind. His thoughts were his own, yet he never spoke them freely. It lent to an elusive quality about him. He was my enigma and the only thing I’d ever wanted for myself. For seven years, I’d tried to get him to open up to me. I’d tried to know him in a way that I was sure no one else had ever known him, but he would

leap away every time I got close to seeing his light, leaving me breathless at every turn and lost in the darkness he left behind. One thing I was sure of was that things had happened to Tyson … bad things. I’d once overheard my parents talking about some of the stories the police had told them when they dropped him at our home. The words scars and burns were mentioned. “How could someone do something like that to such a sweet boy,” my mother had asked with tears in her voice. “I don’t know, honey, but we’ll make it better. We’ll give him a better life,” my father had responded. I’d sat on the bottom step just outside the living room when I was supposed to be asleep, and I’d silently cried for Tyson and all the secrets he held. I wanted to hug him—hold him to me and make it all better—but I knew it was an impossibility since Tyson refused to let people touch him. My family learned about and adapted to his repulsion of being touched from the very beginning. My mother had once tried to hug him, and he freaked out. The older he got, the more he allowed touching, but only from my mom, and usually, it was as simple as a hand on his forearm that went along with a smile. There was no doubt about it; Tyson had a dark

past … one that made him black on the inside. He was a contrast to my family. The shadow to our light. A smudge to our clean exterior. An exotic statue of a boy sitting at our dinner table with his dark hair and black eyes. He clashed with our blue and blond genetics. Even though he pulled away, only letting bits and pieces of himself free over the years, he always had his eyes on me. I could feel them penetrate my clothing and leave my young skin hot and flushed. Teaching me the ways of desire without even a single touch. But I never caught him staring. Whenever I’d look up at him, his eyes would be elsewhere, and his strange hold over me would be broken. His dark eyes were a thing of dreams. They were so dark, in fact, that you could barely distinguish the iris from the pupil. His ebony hair remained untamed and unruly, falling across his perfect brow, tempting me to smooth it away. Begging me to lose my fingers in its silky strands. But his mouth captured my attention the most. It was wide with a full set of plump lips that lived in a perpetual frown. I’d gone to bed many nights thinking what those lips against mine would feel like. And the first time I’d touched my young, untried body, I envisioned his mouth. Tyson Payne. I was in love with him, and I knew he had to be

aware of my emotions. We’d essentially grown up together; he joined my household at the median of my hormonal growth and ushered me to the peak of womanhood. But even though he was there, acting the part of my mother and father’s extra son, he was nothing like a brother to me. I didn’t need another brotherly figure, and I certainly didn’t want the boy I longed for to take on that role. If he did, then my feelings would be wrong. My yearning for his body and mind would be frowned upon, and I’d live with a never-ending sickness in my stomach. No. I wanted so much more from Tyson. So much more. And I got more, in the form of a protector. Once we arrived in high school and boys started taking an interest in me, Tyson stepped forward and took control of the situation. And after a few runins, no one even looked at me wrong, much less said anything. Everyone was afraid of Tyson and the threat in his eyes and stocky shoulders. Everyone but me. I could never be afraid because somehow, I always knew he would never hurt me. At least not physically. I was untouchable to him, and he made it clear to everyone who knew me that I was offlimits. It thrilled me in a way, even if I barely dated

growing up. Knowing that Tyson cared enough to protect me was enough to get me through for many years. Until it wasn’t enough anymore. I always wanted more. “You’re not going,” Tyson muttered from my doorway, his thick arms crossed over his chest. He hadn’t always been so large and muscular, but over the years, he’d made the gym his home. Tattoos hadn’t always littered his arms, but most of his friends were men long out of high school who worked at a local tattoo shop called The Blind Tiger. I wasn’t surprised that he’d gravitate toward that crowd of people. Tyson loved art, and he’d always been fascinated with tattoos. His drawings and paintings littered the walls of his room. Portraits of people I’d never seen and dirty landscapes. Jagged tattoo designs and words in unique fonts. There was even an occasional beautiful picture of something from nature. It was a mix of everything, all hand drawn or painted by him. With the approval of my father, he picked up a tattoo gun at eighteen, and he hadn’t put it down since. It seemed like every time I saw him, he had new ink on his body. I secretly longed to see the ink that wasn’t visible, since I knew tattoos also decorated his chest and back.

I chuckled to myself before turning to face him. “I hate to tell you this, but I’m going, Ty. I’m almost packed and ready,” I said, motioning to my open suitcase. Clothes spilled from the sides as I folded another shirt and shoved it on top. The thought of leaving him was killing me, but Juilliard was the next step in my life. I’d known since my freshman year of high school that I’d end up in New York. My parents wanted me to follow in their footsteps and attend The College of Charleston, but I wanted to dance. Being accepted into Juilliard was a thing of dreams, and I couldn’t pass that up. Especially considering they only accepted twelve girls. I hadn’t thought about how hard it was going to be to walk away from everything I knew—to walk away from Tyson—and leave him alone in Charleston with hordes of women climbing all over him. Tyson had graduated the year before, but he hadn’t gone to college, even though my parents offered to pay for everything. My dad pushed for a prestigious art school in Atlanta, but Tyson gratefully refused. Instead, he’d gone to work before he even graduated high school, filling his days after school with motor oil and exhaust working on cars at a local garage. A few of the guys he worked with at the garage

also worked at a local tattoo parlor called The Blind Tiger, and once they got to know him, he became their apprentice of sorts. He learned his way around a tattoo gun while sweeping up their shop at night after slinging tires and changing out spark plugs after school. He’d come home exhausted, shower, and then crash. I rarely saw him once he started working, and I hated it. The money was good at the garage, and it wasn’t long before he moved out of our house and into an apartment down the road from our neighborhood. Still, my parents had instilled enough respect in him over his six years living with us that he knew Sunday dinners were mandatory. And every time we sat down for our family dinner, he was across the table from me, touching me with his eyes and leaving me breathless. Once he moved out, I spent the whole week anticipating that one meal. His leaving our home was hard on me, and somehow, Sunday became a day of relief. Seeing him made everything better, but going to school in New York meant no more family dinners. No more innocent glances across the table over meatloaf and mashed potatoes. No more brushing by him in the kitchen while we cleaned the dinner dishes and catching the faint scent of his cologne mixed with motor oil. It sickened me to know how much I was going to miss a boy who didn’t seem all

that concerned with seeing me much. “It’s not safe, Nicole. Not for a girl like you.” Tossing my favorite shorts into the piling suitcase, I turned with my hands on my hips. “A girl like me? What exactly makes me so different from every other girl who leaves home and goes to college?” Anger rushed over my cheeks, heating them. I usually didn’t mind his overprotective ways, but he was suddenly making me feel like a child— like I wasn’t just a year younger than he was. He was treating me as if I wasn’t old enough to live on my own—like I wasn’t strong enough to be on my own the way he was. I didn’t want him looking at me like young Nikki, the little girl he grew up with. I wanted him to put me on his level because without him seeing me as the woman I was blooming into, I knew I’d never get the more I so desperately longed for from Tyson. He sighed in aggravation and looked up at the ceiling. “You’re taking it the wrong way.” “Am I? Then would you like to elaborate? Explain to me why it’s safe for every other eighteen-year-old to go off to college, but it’s not safe for me. Do you think I’m stupid, Tyson? Do you think I don’t know how to take care of myself?” “Jesus,” he growled, running his long fingers

through his hair the way he did when he was aggravated. “That’s not what I meant, Nicole. I just don’t understand why you had to pick a school so far away when there are plenty of good ones right here in Charleston.” “Julliard’s my dream, Ty. You know that. You’ve always known that.” But you’re my dream, too. The words whispered through my mind. He nodded. “I know you love dancing, and you’re amazing at it. It’s just ...” He stopped, his fingers going through his thick hair once more. My body was warming with his words. It wasn’t often Tyson complimented anyone, much less me. Then he spoke again, begging with his words. “Don’t go,” he said so softly I almost didn’t hear him. The room grew thick and warm. Whenever Tyson showed even the smallest amount of emotion toward me, something happened inside. Something light and happy. Something that longed for all the things I’d spent the last seven years of my life dreaming of. Tyson cared for me. He’d never admit it, but I could feel it. It lurked just beneath his moody outer layer, but it was there. It was the same yearning I’d felt over the years. Moving across the room toward him, I saw his body stiffen as I approached. His response to my

potential touch hurt my feelings, but I tried my hardest to understand his reasons. Even if I didn’t know the details of his past, I knew it must have been pretty serious. My arm brushed against his when I closed the door to my room with a click. There were things I needed to say, and the last thing I wanted was for my family to hear. Tyson didn’t move, but a scarlet flush filled his dark cheeks. His black eyes glittered down at me with a ferocity that I’d never had directed my way before. Only the boys at school who attempted to date me or were hurtful to me in any way had received the expression he was showering me with right now. “What’s the real reason you want me to stay, Tyson?” I asked, knowing he’d never give me the answer I desired. His shoulders squared, and his muscles bunched beneath his shirt. “What do you mean? I told you, it’s not safe for you to be there alone.” I shook my head and strands of my blond hair fell from my messy bun. “I’ll be perfectly safe there, and you know it. Dad would never send me somewhere unsafe. Plus, the school has all kinds of safety measures put into place for students. With my schedule, I won’t have any time to get into trouble anyway.” He swallowed, his thick throat working up and

down and making my mouth water to taste the dark skin above his collar. “There are plenty of schools here,” he repeated his argument. “I understand that, but I want Juilliard. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get accepted?” I moved closer, as if I were approaching a rabid pit bull. Then I went for it. I let my fingers brush his forearm, prompting him to pull his arm away. “I can’t let this opportunity pass, but I’ll come back to you, Tyson. I promise.” He practically leaped away from me, his fingers once again getting lost in his dark strands. “This has nothing to do with me.” He chuckled sarcastically as if my words were far off from their target. “I’m just saying I’d hate to see you run off to a big city and get yourself killed. It would destroy your mom and dad.” I felt tears rush to my eyes with his hardhearted words. He cared about me, but he’d always met my feelings with resistance. I wasn’t sure what made me think it would be any different now. Maybe because I was leaving for New York. Maybe because in a way, this was our goodbye, and I knew it would be months before I had to face him again. All I wanted was for him to admit just once that he cared about me. Just once, I wanted him to treat me as something more than Mr. and Mrs. Palmer’s daughter—a fragile being he felt the need to

protect. Just once, I wanted him to treat me the way he treated other girls. Tyson never had a girlfriend, but he did have girls. Everyone around school knew his reputation, and I hated when I heard him whispered about through the halls. I’d only seen him with a girl one time, and it was by accident at a party. Still, seeing him pin some chick’s arms to the wall above her head while he plunged his tongue down her throat was enough for me. My heart had been broken since, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew girls wanted him. They wanted his dark looks and tall, muscular frame. They wanted him for sex, and he gave them exactly what they wanted. It sickened me to think of him with other girls. I wondered if he let them touch him or if he pinned all their arms above their heads. It left a dark shadow on my soul every time the memory of that night at the party entered my mind, but thankfully, I’d never ran into something so heartbreaking again. Even if I knew it was happening every time he went out with his boys for the night. It didn’t matter, though. Let him keep pretending nothing was between us. Let him act the part of the unattached playboy for a little longer. Soon, I’d be on a plane to New York, and I could grieve his loss then, knowing it would be a while before I saw him again. Going to school and leaving it all behind was

something I had to do. I couldn’t stay in Charleston and follow Tyson around like a lovesick puppy. I needed to spread my wings. Expand my mind. I needed to get away from everything that was holding me back from life and let loose. And I needed to do it without Tyson watching my every move. Without Tyson blocking every guy who looked my way. He didn’t want to admit his feelings for me. He wanted to pretend he didn’t want me while making sure no one else could have me. That wasn’t going to be the case once I was in the Big Apple. I was going to flirt and date. I was going to live the life I’d missed while I spent my time dwelling over Tyson. It was going to be great. “I assure you I won’t get myself killed. Plus, Amber’s going to New York, too. We’ll stick together.” Amber Goodwin had been my best friend since sixth grade. She was also the only person in the world who knew how deep my love for Tyson ran. Over the years, we would have sleepovers where we’d spill our hearts about the loves of our lives. Hers was different every few months, but mine was always Tyson. We were total opposites. Where I was blond with blue eyes, Amber was a brunette with brown eyes. She was taller than I was and had an amazing

extension in dance class, but while she loved dancing, her passion was science. She was the smartest person I knew, next to my dad, and I’d always known she was going to go amazing places in her life. Growing up, we did everything together. From Barbies to boys—failed makeup attempts to new fads—we were inseparable, and the thought of ending up in two different states for college wasn’t something we ever discussed. We’d received our acceptance letters on the same day—mine to Julliard and hers to Columbia University. After years of taking ballet together, we were moving into the world together. I wouldn’t want to share such an amazing adventure with any other person. It worked out since Columbia and Julliard were only twenty minutes apart. We wouldn’t be alone in a big city since we’d have each other. “Oh my God, Nicole. She’s worse off than you are,” he scoffed. “You can still change schools. There’s time. You’re staying here. Here, in this house, where I know you’ll be safe. Here, where I can—” He bit off his words. “Where you can what, Tyson? Where you can hound me and every guy who even looks my way? Where you can watch me like a hawk but never lay a finger on me?”

My heart was drilling into my ribs, slamming into the bone so hard it hurt. “I have needs, too, Tyson. I’m so sick of feeling alone all the time.” He huffed and shook his head. “You’ve never been alone.” I noticed he didn’t mention my needs. He knew exactly what I was talking about. We’d never spoken so freely before. Mostly because I’d always been kind of shy and quiet, but also because I had a deep fear of pushing Tyson away. Well, I didn’t need to worry about that so much now because I was the one walking away. I was the one leaving, and even though he was never going to admit it, he hated it. “I’ll tell you what,” I started. “I’ll stay. I’ll transfer schools and start next semester at some local university but only on one condition.” His head popped up, his black eyes glittering with distrust. “What condition?” I swallowed my nerves, the emotions choking me so hard I felt like I was going to gag. “Tell me how you feel about me. Tell me you want me and I’ll stay.” His dark eyes widened, and his sharp inhale cut through the stillness around us. Everything went silent, and the sound of the clock on my wall at our side blasted through the room like it was in speaker.

I held my breath as I waited for him to say the words I’d always longed to hear, but instead, his lips crept up in a smug grin, and he started to laugh. “This is stupid,” he said, leaning his back against the door and crossing his arms. “You know I care about you. You’re like a little sister.” The air rushed from my lungs as if I’d been punched in the ribs. His words burned in my chest, leaving my heart feeling hollow and my stomach feeling nauseated. He’d never referred to me as his sister. Actually, it was kind of disgusting, considering how things had been between us over the years. The secret glances. The underlying emotions we dared not speak of. His words were an insult to the feelings I’d spent the last seven years developing, and I wasn’t going to let him leave my room until he acknowledged his real feelings for me. Until he took back the words that had hurt me so badly. I moved closer, and he watched me beneath long, black lashes. I held my hand out to touch his arm, and his body went tense. “Nicole,” he warned. “Shhh. Let me,” I said, inching my hand even closer. “You know me, Tyson. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you.” His eyes connected with mine, his tense jaw

making the muscles pop in his cheeks. And then I was touching him, and he wasn’t stopping me. My fingers looked pale against his dark skin when I pressed my hand to his arm. His hard muscle jerked beneath my touch, and I heard his deep inhale. “I’m nothing like your sister. Take it back,” I said, letting my fingers work themselves cautiously up his inked sleeve. Courage I’d never had before raged through me. I was leaving for a while. I wouldn’t have to see his face for a bit. What was there to lose? “Nicole,” he growled in warning. “Yes, Tyson?” My words were slathered in innocence. I didn’t stop. The pads of my fingertips roamed up his arm until my hand was resting against his chest. His breathing accelerated, his chest moving up and down with his breaths. He was so hot against my palm. Hot and hard, and I wanted to remove the fabric between his skin and mine and feel all of him. “Don’t,” he barked, moving me to the side and stepping away from the door where he leaned. But I wasn’t finished trying. I still had thirty minutes before I left for the airport. I still had time to change things with Tyson before I left and went

months without seeing his brooding, beautiful face. I followed him, my fingers tangling in the soft fabric of his T-shirt. “Take it back, Tyson. Admit that I’m nothing like a sister to you. Admit that you think about me the way I think about you. That you touch yourself while you think about me the same way I touch myself and think about you.” I felt the blush on my cheeks, but I kept pressing and pulling on his shirt, afraid that once he slipped from my room, he’d never come near me again. I’d gone too far. I’d touched him and said things I could never take back. “I’m in love with you, Tyson. I have been since the very first moment I saw you.” “Fuck,” he muttered, his fingers going to his silky black strands once more. “Did you hear me?” I asked desperately. “I said I…” His large hand went over my mouth briefly before he tugged it away and rubbed his palms together. He peered down at me with an expression I’d never seen pass over his face before. He looked desperate and afraid, like he was genuinely scared of me. I’d never seen Tyson terrified of anything. Never. “I never thought I’d say these things to you, but here I am.” I held my arms up. I moved closer,

molding myself to his large frame in a brave move I never thought I’d use. He pulled away, pressing himself into the wall as if I had poison slathered all over my skin. His breath pushed from his body hard and loud as his midnight eyes moved over my face with insecurity and a host of other emotions that had no authority on such a dark and demanding creature. “What if this were our last time together, Tyson? What if I got on that plane and never came back to you? Wouldn’t you want me to know how you really feel? Wouldn’t you want me—” His mouth crashed against mine with desperation. Whether it was desperation for a kiss he’d longed for as long as I had or to shut me up, I wasn’t sure. But what I did know was my body melted into him the way I always knew it would, and I lost myself in his kiss.

TWO Tyson Payne

HEAVEN AND HELL. I’d crossed the holy pinnacle and entered a place full of softness, light, and beauty, but while her hands on my skin felt like a miracle, I also felt like my flesh was being ripped from my body. Irrational fear struck me deep. Nicole would never hurt me—at least not physically. Mentally, she’d fucked me up over the last seven years, but she didn’t know she was doing it. Still, her mouth was heaven, and the devil didn’t belong in Heaven—I didn’t belong in Paradise. I knew that, but my brain ceased all functions the minute my lips touched hers. I was beyond all rational thinking. My lips brushed against hers. Once. Twice. Before I moved in for more, losing myself in her so completely, I forgot about her hands on me. I forgot she was touching my scars inside and out— soothing them and breaking them open again all at

the same time. Her lips made me forget all the promises I’d made to myself over the years—made me forget about the pact I’d made with myself. Never touch Nicole Palmer. Each strike of her hot breath against my cheek was like an electric shock to my body, and I couldn’t hold myself back any longer. Her frame felt even smaller than it looked in my grasp when I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me. She was soft against my hardness, limp in my arms as she let go with me. I’d never felt anything like it. Usually, I pinned a girl’s arms above her head to keep her from touching me. Typically, I took control and remained in power, but when my tongue met hers, everything inside me exploded. Her soft, cautious touch changed, and she clawed at me like a wildcat, tugging at my shirt and pulling me to her as if she couldn’t get close enough. She couldn’t. She’d never be close enough. And while her sudden movements and touches were freaking me out, I wanted more. I wanted to feel her all around me—beneath me —inside me, lighting all the dark places where I hid my feelings for her—all the dark places where the memories and monsters lived. Her fingers no longer scared me … they fueled

me, forcing my black memories to the forefront and allowing her to slowly destroy each one. She took away the pain and cleared my mind in the strangest, most shocking way. She tasted like sugar, like melted candy on my tongue as I savored her. My craving for her, the one I’d tamed over the years, grew, as I pulled her to me and thrust my hips. Seeking relief, I rubbed against her, her body feeling better than anything I’d ever felt … even with our clothes between us. I wanted her. Hell, I’d always wanted her. Over the years, in my mind, every girl I’d climbed inside had been Nicole. My Nicole. The only girl to ever tame me, and she was clueless about it. She was leaving me, and I wasn’t taking it well. I hadn’t been okay with the situation since the day she got her acceptance letter to Juilliard. She was a beautiful dancer, one with grace and limbs that went for days, but knowing she was going to New York alone left a sick feeling in my gut. I couldn’t be there for her. I couldn’t protect her from the sick and demented fucks in the world. I’d go wild thinking about the terrible things that could happen to her while she was hundreds of miles away from me. And while I knew how badly she wanted Juilliard, I also knew how badly I

wanted her. How badly the desire to keep her safe burned through me on a daily basis. She reached between us, palming me through my jeans. Stopping my thoughts completely, her touch caused me to release an agonizing growl into her mouth. I’d had women … too many, actually, but none of them had ever touched me this way. Their fingers had never graced my dick, no matter how badly I wanted it. My mind would never allow it. It was different with Nicole. It had always been different with her. My fingers covered hers, pressing her palm harder against me as I thrust myself into her hand, seeking what I knew I could never have with her. Every second I touched her, I darkened her with my shadowed sin. Clarity broke through my lust and slammed into me. Tension crawled down my back, tightening my spine and making my entire body stiffen. It was wrong. Everything we were doing was wrong. Her mother and father had taken me in, made me a part of their perfect family, and given me a life I would’ve never gotten without them. If it weren’t for them, I would’ve grown up on the streets, begging for food with only the clothes on my back, and this was how I was repaying them. By touching their only daughter.

By tainting her with my blackness. The broken sickness I was born with could be contagious, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was pass it to her—contaminate her perfection. If I ever climbed inside her, she’d never be the same. Her light … I’d extinguish it, bringing her into my darkness. That was the last thing I wanted since Nicole’s light had always been a beacon for me, leading me to do the right thing when the right thing was the last thing I wanted to do. Bad decisions were in my blood—passed down from a father who ruined me—and touching Nicole was the worst decision I’d ever made. The addiction was instant, and I knew one day I’d overdose on her. Just like my father and his heroin except with more pleasure and more pain. I pulled back, my body and heart feeling her loss the second I pushed her away. “Fuck!” I cursed, as I gasped and rubbed roughly at my lips, trying to rid myself of her taste. I’d never be able to walk away with her flavor on my lips. My craving would never let it happen. She moved toward me, and I held my hand out to keep her away. I was too weak for her. I’d always been too weak for her. Her big blue eyes stared up at me, full of trust and lust. Her white blond hair spilled from her bun, curtaining her beautiful face and skimming her flawless skin. She was everything, and I was

nothing. The two could never mix. Rage and disgust slammed into me. How could I touch her? How could I taint her perfection with my sin? “That shouldn’t have happened,” I breathed, trying to catch the air she’d stolen away from me. “Why not?” she asked, her cheeks flushed and her lips reddened from my rough kisses. I hated myself for marring her delicate flesh with my touch. She was too good, too perfect for anyone, especially me. “Because I don’t want you that way!” I yelled, not thinking of who else could hear our conversation. It was the biggest fucking lie I’d ever told, and that included the lie about my father accidentally overdosing. She stiffened as if I’d smacked her in the face. Her soft blue eyes widened with shock, and I had a front-row seat to the hurt that seeped into her expression when my words struck her conscience. “But … you want me. I felt it in my hand. I felt it in the way you kissed me.” I laughed, even though it was the last thing in the world I felt like doing. Truth be told, I wanted to scream in aggravation. Cry in physical pain as my body throbbed for her and repelled her touch at the same time. “I’m a guy, Nicole. I have a cock,” I said

bluntly. “It doesn’t take much to get me hard. That would’ve happened with anyone.” “Are you trying to say I have no effect on you whatsoever? That you don’t care about me at all?” She was on the verge of tears and seeing her respond that way felt like a kick in the balls. I never wanted to hurt Nicole. I never wanted to do anything but protect her and admire her from afar. Set her on a pedestal and worship her from beneath. “Of course, I care about you. I told you, I’d do anything to protect you.” It was the truth. I’d do anything for her. Anything. “Like a sister, though, right?” Her voice cracked with unshed tears, and I had to force myself to stay put instead of going to her and holding her to me. I nodded, the lie slipping from my tongue like it was nothing. “Yes. Like a sister.” Even saying it made me feel dirtier than I already felt. I’d crawled on disgusting floors as a child. I’d eaten the trash of others. Even thinking of Nicole as anything but the woman I craved made me feel filthy, as if I was rotting from the inside out. What kind of man longed for his sister? Craved her so harshly that nothing in life felt good anymore.

There was no pleasure. There was no joy. There was only the sweet, agonizing ache of wanting something I could never have. She’d never be like a sister. Never. She was so much more than family—than blood —than life. Finally, a tear escaped and rushed down her flushed cheek. I moved to wipe it away, but for once, she was the one pushing me away, leaving me feeling crushed inside. “No,” she croaked. “Just stay away from me.” She moved to her bed and slammed her suitcase closed, trapping the overflowing clothes inside. “Nicole,” I muttered, somehow knowing I’d lost her for good. Something had shifted in our unique relationship, and she was going to pull away from me in the way I’d always hoped she would. I wasn’t good enough. I’d never be good enough for her. No one would be. She didn’t respond. Instead, she hefted her large suitcase onto the floor and pulled up the handle so she could roll it around. Her tears had dried, and her broken expression smoothed into one of cool resolve.

“See you at Thanksgiving,” she said as she waltzed by me and out into the hallway. She left me alone in her room with only the sounds of her suitcase thumping against the stairs as she took them one by one, leaving me behind like the nothing that I was. It was what I’d always wanted. Over the years, she’d made it damn near impossible to stay away with her sweet smiles and lusty looks. I knew what she wanted. I’d always known. I also knew I wanted the same, but I’d never let that happen. I’d never curse her with all that I was. I was black trash, and she was white, incandescent light. I was hell, and she was heaven, and I’d never drag her down with me. Never. Ten minutes later, when I went downstairs, I was met with silence. Nicole and her dad had already left for the airport, but I could hear Mrs. Palmer in the kitchen. I went into the room and stood in the doorway as she moved around the kitchen, scrubbing the spotless counters like she did when she was upset or nervous about something. “Well, she’s gone,” she said with a stiff grin. Her graying hair was pinned in its usual bun, but a few stressed strands had escaped down the back of her neck. “My baby’s off to school—off to the big city without me.” Her voice broke, and I could tell

she was holding back tears. She stopped scrubbing the counters to look up at me. Her eyes were an exact match to Nicole’s— beautiful—knowing. She was the perfect definition of the word mother, and I was blessed to have her in my life. “I couldn’t go with them, Tyson. I couldn’t watch her leave us.” Her eyes watered, and she quickly turned away to scrub the counter behind her. I nodded, understanding her. Donald and Connie Palmer were amazing parents. Thanks to them, the Palmers were a close family, one that I’d grown to love over the years. They took me in when I had nowhere else to go. They fed me and clothed me when I had nothing, and they accepted me and my flaws. I’d never forget the peace and happiness the Palmers brought into my life. Because of them, I had Nicole, and because of me, I’d lost her. GET YOUR COPY OF BLACK SHEEP TODAY!

LUST by Melissa Andrea I despised Reed Peirce. He was a cocky egotistical smooth talker, and more times than not, he was also my opposing counsel in the courtroom. He thinks he’s God’s gift to the law, but I know the real reason he wins so many cases, and it has more to do with those persuading green eyes than his fancy law degree. Not that I can blame the jury. I was once on the receiving end of that perfectly tilted smirk and deceiving charm, and I learned the hard way not to trust him. Now, a year later, it’s a virtual tug-o-war in the courtroom, and I refuse to fall for his witty banter and flirty smiles again. I was determined to show the playboy of appeals that he messed with the wrong lady of the law. Only, the joke was on me, and a drunken night of hot, mind-numbing sex has my aversions toward him wavering.

One bottle. One dare. One night. That’s all it took to obliterate a year’s worth of hate toward Reed. It was thoughtless. It was reckless. And no matter the case I please, he’s left me defenseless. ADD LUST TO YOUR TBR ON GOODREADS.

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS This book was promised in 2013, and for all these years other characters pulled ahead of Matthew and Shannon, stealing my attention from them and keeping this book from ever getting done. That changed this year. A lot of things in my life changed in the last year, and I’m happy to say that I was able to sit down and finally finish this book. I hope it’s worth the wait. To my readers, THANK YOU. I can’t express this enough. You guys are amazing and I love you for picking up my books and reading them. I love you for seeing the characters the way I see them. For feeling their emotions and becoming one with something that truly came from my heart. You’re amazing. To Melissa AKA my sidekick, we got this. We totally got this! Haha Thank you for sticking with me, babes. I pulled you across the country. That’s how much I adore you. Besties forever! To my fabulous editor, Jenny, you are the most patient person I know. I’m pretty sure there will never be anyone else who tolerates me the way you do and that statement includes my husband who has to live with my crazy on a daily basis. THANK

YOU for everything. For your help. For your patience. For being the most amazing editor and friend a girl could ask for. To Nadege, girl, there’s nothing I can say that you haven’t heard before. You’re the best formatter ever. You’re gorgeous, and I adore your sweet, happy, GENIUNE smile. The end. To the ladies at Wit and Wonder, thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me during the release of Hot and Heavy. You girls kick way too much ass and I can’t thank you enough. If this book does anything spectacular, it will be thanks to you. Regina, the original cover queen. You brought my work to life in the beginning of my career and helped me get my start. I truly believe your covers are what pushed me to where I am. Thank you for this bright and beautiful cover. I love you, lady! Your talent knows no bounds. And finally to my little family. We’re crazy. We’re messy. We’re happy. Thank you for always understanding when I have to lock myself in the office. For being okay with crappy canned dinners and takeout. For joining in the rush to finish laundry so we all have clean undies. But most of all, for knowing my crazy, accepting my crazy, and loving my crazy. You’re my precious moments and I hope you know I love you all like it’s my last day on Earth. There’s no one else in the world I’d

rather pass through life with. Matthew, Mini, Monkey, & and my little angel, I love you beyond measure. You give my life meaning.