If Id Only Known C.A.Johnson

IF I’D ONLY KNOWN By C.A. Johnson

Kindle Edition

Copyright © 2015 by C.A. Johnson All rights reserved Published by C.A. Johnson Cover Design by C.A. Johnson

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the copyright owner, except in the

case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, character, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

SUMMARY Perri Milan is a single mother determined to protect her daughter at all costs, especially from R&B artist, Barrington Knight, her daughter’s father. Her way of ensuring this was to keep him in the dark about the fact that she was carrying his child in the first place. She figured he hurt her, so now she was going to make sure her daughter didn’t become a victim of his selfish so-called love the way she had foolishly allowed herself to be. Taking time off a major world tour one year later, Barrington comes home for a couple days only to discover Perri’s betrayal and demands his parental rights. After a heated confrontation, Perri decides to allow Barrington to have his place in their daughter’s life, but warns that she is not part of the equation. However, Barrington has made it his personal mission to change her mind. Eventually, Perri reluctantly agrees to marry Barrington for the sake of their daughter. But now, another woman that Barrington trusted with his life, is determined to disrupt their happily ever after, and once again, he has to prove to Perri that she was not wrong to trust him with her heart. But will his efforts prove to be too little too late?

DEDICATION I give thanks with a grateful heart to my Father God, without whom, I can do nothing. To my daughter, you are the reason I continue to put one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on. I love you more, baby girl!

TABLE OF CONTENTS Summary Dedication Table of contents Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-One Chapter Twenty-Two Chapter Twenty-Three Chapter Twenty-Four Chapter Twenty-Five Chapter Twenty-Six Chapter Twenty-Seven Chapter Twenty-Eight Chapter Twenty-Nine Chapter Thirty Chapter Thirty-One Chapter Thirty-Two Chapter Thirty-Three Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five Epilogue From The Author

CHAPTER ONE June, 2004 “Girl, are you sure you’re ready to take your relationship with Barrington to that level?” Perri Milan laughed out loud at the shocked expression on her best friend Journey Stillwater’s otherwise, runway model face. “Jern, don’t act so surprised; it’s not that sudden,” she said, rolling down the window slightly until the air conditioning in Journey’s SUV kicked in. “If I appear surprised, shocked even, it’s because I am, Perri.” Journey shook her head taking furtive glances at Perri every so often trying to gage her best friend’s level of seriousness. Yes, she knew Perri and Barrington were in love, had been from the first time they laid eyes on each other, really, but this? She glanced at Perri again before stating the obvious, “You only get one first time to lose your virginity, Perri. I’m just saying.” Perri was grinning when she playfully rolled her eyes at her friend who seriously sounded like she was counseling her pre-teen daughter about the dangers of premarital sex. The only reason Perri didn’t laugh at her now was because she knew Jern was coming from a place of concern being that she’d experienced her own losses in the last two years; the major kind that had you turning to God or turning into yourself for self-preservation alone. It broke her heart to

watch her friend steady choose the latter, retreating so far into her self-protective outer shell that no one could penetrate beneath the hard encasing that Jern tended to wear like the designer clothes she loved to shop for. “No,” Journey said, “don’t look at me like that, Perri. I’m fine and I don’t want your pity. This is not about me; this is about you making a major life altering decision that, once you cross the sexual line, you can’t uncross if it doesn’t work out to match the plan that your mind has already formulated. If I could have a do-over—” “You would still be sitting behind your wheel lecturing me about premarital sex,” Perri interjected. “You loved Crush, I know that, Jern; truth is you still do, every bit as much as the day you lost your heart and your virginity to him. I respect that. You two were the real deal, Jern. Still could be, I believe.” Journey discreetly wiped at the tear pricking the corner of her eye and cleared her throat. “Funny thing about love and men, Perri; they either love you or they don’t.” “Crush loved you, Jern; you know this.” Perri shifted in her seat to face her friend. “Jern, he experienced that loss too. I know you’re not trying to hear this right now, but the truth is the truth. Don’t forget I was there that night too; I saw how hearing you lost the baby devastated Crush. I know he wasn’t too keen about the idea of being a father when you first told him, but he came around within the first two weeks of knowing you were carrying his child. He was so sorry you miscarried, mostly for you, especially for you because he

knew how much you loved and wanted that precious baby.” Journey sniffled as she cleared her throat again. “Been nice if he’d told me all that himself,” she couldn’t help sounding bitter because she still was where the only man she’d ever loved and surrendered her virginity to was concerned. Who knew condoms could break? The first time they’d ever had sex? Who does that happen to? Except she already knew the answer all too well. It happened to women who took sex all too lightly, as if they were merely breaking in a new pair of six inch designer heels. She should know. She did know. That’s exactly why she wanted to be sure Perri knew she didn’t have to have sex with Barrington just because it seemed the next best logical level to move their relationship to. “Jern, I can’t begin to say what Crush was feeling that he didn’t voice into words to you. All I can do is tell what I observed as we sat in the maternity ward family room waiting to hear word on you. The man wore a hole in my nerves with all the pacing back and forth he was doing. Jern, when I first got there he was sitting slumped forward with his head in his hands and his body was trembling, and then I heard the muffled sobs he was trying to stifle. He was the only one in the family room at the time; I didn’t want to strip him of his dignity, so I left him in there alone and waited outside the room until I saw him get his bearings together. When I finally walked in to take up the seat beside him, he didn’t say anything; neither did I. He grabbed my hand and when our eyes met I saw the sorrow and torment

in his red-rimmed greenish gray eyes. That was no act that broken man was displaying. Crush loves you, Jern.” On a deep sigh of relief, Journey said, “Thank you for telling me, Perri. Maybe I can finally find some closure with that unfinished chapter of my life.” Changing the subject back to where it should never have veered from, she said, “I just want you to promise me that you will talk about your decision with Barrington before you guys actually move forward with your plan, Perri.” “I promise, Jern; however, I don’t see Barrington having a problem with it. We’ve been best friends for two years, exclusively involved for a year and a half of that time; he’s the love of my life and even though we haven’t actually made the love declaration to each other, I feel safe and confident in saying Barrington loves me too. Every time he sends his Lear jet to fly me out or he flies in unannounced to see me, he shows me all his love with the little things he does for me, and even if I couldn’t see it in his beautiful yellow-green eyes, his actions alone tell me all I need to know. Barrington loves me and I don’t doubt him for a moment. I love that man like nobody’s business. We’ve done everything remotely connected with sex except actual penetration.” “So you’ve had oral sex with Barrington?” Journey asked point blank. Perri felt heat infuse her entire face. “Not in the slightest.” Journey laughed because she knew Perri had no idea

what she was contemplating entering into with her schoolgirl fantasy of how sex should work. “Perri,” she glanced at her friend, “you’re not ready. You got offended because I asked you if you two have had oral sex; and I only asked you the question because you said the two of you have done everything connected with sex save the actual act in itself. Now, I’m being honest and telling you, honey, there is more to sex than the whitewash painting you just depicted for me. It is a world of difference between mild and meek chaste make-out sessions, and steamy, drop your panties make-out sessions; and still yet, actual penetration when you go all the way. Then there is an even bigger difference between a good feeling and an actual mind blowing orgasm. Have you had your first climax when you and Barrington were busy fooling around in your version of hot and heavy?” “Well, I don’t know, Jern. Maybe . . . I guess.” Perri had no idea what she was talking about. “I mean, Barrington uses his fingers inside me,” she said, embarrassed at how her inept ability must sound, “and it does feel wonderfully delightful and I feel like I want to just die from the pleasure, and then I tense up because I start feeling like I’m gonna lose myself,” she tried to explain. Laughing at her friend’s naïve innocence, Journey declared, “You’re not ready, Perri. Trust me when I say you would know if you’d had your first orgasm, and you’d be climbing all over Barrington to get to have plenty, many more. And do yourself a favor next time you experience that

loss of control feeling; relax your muscles, let go of your inhibitions and go with it, and you will have your first orgasm.” Journey shook her head firmly two times. “In the meantime, Perri, you’re not ready.” Yeah, every time it happened, Barrington had told her to relax her body and muscles too; she just had been too afraid of how she would respond if she had to listen to him and just let herself go and ride the wave as he phrased it. Perri sighed, determined to maintain her high. “That’s your observation, Jern. I respect you for it. Thank you for all of your concern because I know it’s from your heart, and I love you to pieces for it. I’m not asking you to agree with or even to understand my decision. I’m only asking you to respect that it is my choice and I must choose it alone. I’ve made my choice and my election is sure. Now, I’m ready to share my physical love with Barrington, too. The fact that he’s not expecting it is just the incentive I need to surprise my man and make him very happy his first day back home.” Perri involuntarily shivered and grinned without even trying to; all it took was one thought of her man and she was instant cream of wheat. “The guys have been on the road for eight months now; the tours about to wrap up pretty soon and my baby will be home for a stint, and I’ll be ready with for him open arms.” Knowing her best friend all too well, Journey laughed. “I can see your mind is made up and I don’t know a more mentally stubborn person than you. So I will commence with saying, please be careful and practice safe sex. Do not let

that fine ass man near your coochie without a sleeve.” “Done deal,” Perri agreed, laughing out loud. “So,” said Journey, “have you planned out where you’re going to seduce Barrington?” “OMG!” Perri laughed with Jern. “I can’t believe you said that.” She laughed again. Journey shrugged. “Well, he knows nothing about it, and you’ve already got it planned; that’s what seduction is, my untouched friend.” “Wipe that smirk off your face, girl. And don’t make me sound like a child molester.” “Okay, okay,” Jern conceded. “But for real, Perri, are you gonna plan it at his mansion? You do have a key and he did invite you to stay there anytime you want.” This time when Perri shivered it had nothing to do with warm and fuzzy feelings. “I think not, Jern.” Journey’s face crinkled up. “What’s that about?” Perri cleared her throat. “Nothing, I suppose.” “Liar, out with it, Perri,” she said knowing there was something to the intensity of her tone. Perri scratched the back of her left ear. She looked at Journey. “His house,” she said. “What about it?” “Well, not the house per se,” she sighed because she just really didn’t feel like discussing it. “Exactly what then,” Journey was not going to let her off that easy. She didn’t sound right.

“Well, his housekeeper stays there sometimes when Barrington is out of town for long periods of time,” she hedged not sure she should be saying anything because it all might be in her mind. “Oh,” Journey chuckled. “You worried about giving a old lady a heart stopper if she hears you screaming at the top of your lungs—and believe me you will—from that first mind racing orgasm Barrington’s gonna make damn sure he makes you have?” She laughed out loud. “Thought you said I wasn’t ready?” “I did, but I didn’t say you weren’t gonna enjoy it. Don’t sidestep my original question.” “Well, I can assure you it’s not an orgasm I’m concerned about.” “Perri,” Journey raised her voice, “why do you always make people pull things out of you? Just tell me what about Barrington’s house makes you not want to be there with some old lady housekeeper, already.” “She’s not old, Jern. She’s probably more like around Barrington’s age.” “Okay, you’re twenty-one and Barrington is twenty-six. So is that the problem? Do you feel insecure because his she’s closer to his age range and you suspect she may have a thing for her boss man? I mean, just because she’s the housekeeper doesn’t mean she’s keeping up anything besides Barrington’s house cleaning,” Journey stated, trying to ease her friend’s mind. “I don’t know her to really think anything. But she just . . .

I don’t like the way she looks at me. Like she . . . I don’t know how to describe it, but I’m pretty sure it falls under unnatural behavior.” “You think she’s a lesbian?” Perri shook her head more than sure that wasn’t the case. “No. Just something there I can’t quite name yet; it’s subtle when Barrington is around, but it is there nonetheless.” “Have you asked Barrington any questions about his housekeeper?” “What do you think, Jern?” “That you should voice your opinion if she makes you feel uncomfortable, especially when Barrington invited you to hang out at his home whenever you want. If this girl has a problem with you being in his house then he needs to know so he can man up and deal with it head-on.” “How you sound, Jern? I don’t even know for sure that there is anything to be dealt with. It’s just a funny feeling I get in her presence, but I can’t go accusing her of any wrong doing when she hasn’t even said anything out of the way to me.” “Yet,” Journey interjected. “I’m saying don’t wait around to see if it goes that far. Nip it in the bud now because if you do start having sex with Barrington he will want you to stay at his house sometimes. I know he’s a man, but he’s not a stupid one; he’s going to eventually pick up on negative vibes airing back and forth between you and the little miss cleanup woman.”

“Jern, you are not a well woman,” Perri declared, laughing out loud. Journey chuckled. “But I do know what I’m talking about,” Journey insisted. Perri, when Barrington gets home talk to him about your concerns with his housekeeper. He can listen; not listen. Either way, you tell him. Because I would hate to annihilate this heifer if she gets stupid on you,” Journey stated serious as daylight. “I hear you, Jern. What are we going to the mall for you to buy now?” Journey glanced at Perri. “I’ll let you change the subject. But only because now we’re talking my favorite topic,” she admitted, laughing at her friend’s insight on her love of shopping. “Okay, Jern, what latest pair of designer jeans do you just have to have?” Perri chuckled.

CHAPTER TWO “OMG,” Perri screamed, hearing Blue-Eyed Souls latest song playing on the radio. It was only the second week since it hit the airwaves, but it was already number three and still climbing on the top ten R&B charts. Missing her man like crazy, she pumped up the volume. Tears were streaming down Perri’s face by the end of the song. She couldn’t believe Barrington had made it for her, much less dedicated it to her in the credits of their newly released CD. It had been almost six months since the last time he flew in unannounced to see her, and though he usually tried to call her at least once a day, he hadn’t called her but twice all this week and she was itching to hear from him like nobody’s business. She reached for her sketch pad, busily capturing on paper in black and white the beautiful vision that filled her mind’s eye. The phone rang and, she cursed, hating the interruption when her creative juices were flowing so sweetly. She cursed again, snatching the receiver up on the fifth ring, prepared to let her thunder roll on whoever was on the other end, however, before she could utter a word, she heard music to her ears as butterflies began to tap dance in her belly. “Hello, sweet Perri,” Barrington Knight’s voice was playful over the phone. Elated, Perri laughed out loud. “Hello,” she tried her

best to sound simple as Simon. It only lasted a minute before she heard herself say, “Man, I thought you’d forgotten about me.” Barrington chuckled, wishing he could see his woman’s beautiful face. “How could I forget about you? Why would I forget about you, Perri Milan?” He shrugged and smiled as if she could see him. “Granted, I’ve been on the road for the past eight months, but out of sight didn’t mean you weren’t on my mind. I’m home for a minute now,” he said, excited to taste her luscious lips. “Why didn’t you warn me? I could have prepared dinner for you.” Barrington loved that Perri made him a welcome dinner whenever he came home from a long tour on the road; it meant she cared. But he wanted to surprise her and cook for her this time. “Because I knew you’d slave away at a hot stove all day, and honestly, baby, I just wanted to chill with you a couple hours before we eat.” “You just wanna get me on my back.” She chuckled when he laughed out loud. “You are not right, girl.” He loved her sense of humor. “Why do you always say that?” “Because you never know what to say when I knock you off your game,” she teased. Knowing it was pointless allowing his mind to rest in that area since they’d yet to have their first sexual encounter, he chuckled and changed the subject. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, you’re fine. I’m just sitting around sketching.” “Is that right?” he drawled. Perri smiled into the phone envisioning his golden tan face with a head full of beautiful golden blonde curls that she was now dying to sift her fingers through. “That’s right,” she said dreamily. “What were you sketching?” It dawned on him this part of her life she didn’t share with him. Perri glanced down at her paper. Every detail of his face was picture perfect. She looked around like someone could really see her. “Just some images floating around in my head.” There was a knock on the door. She wasn’t expecting anyone. “Can you hold on for a sec, please?” “Don’t leave me hanging too long,” he said playfully. Perri ran down the hallway to the door anxious to get rid of whoever it was; it didn’t matter because they wouldn’t be staying. She was more than a tad put out that someone, anyone dared to infringe on the little precious time she had with her man. Oh, yes, someone was about two feet away from receiving a royal cussing out. Not bothering to check the peephole, she snatched the door open, catching a glimpse of her unexpected visitor as a surprised gasp escaped her. She gazed up to Barrington’s six-four inch muscle-bound frame, itching to run her fingers through his feathery soft golden blonde locks as her eyes came to rest on his gorgeous yellow-green orbs. Letting his eyes drink in Perri’s five-six inch hour-glass form, Barrington instinctively reached out to tuck a stray

brown curl behind her ear, allowing his eager fingers to linger on her deliciously rich honey brown face. Chuckling at his baby’s shell shocked expression in her expressive chocolate brown eyes, Barrington rushed in, taking her in his arms. Without further ado, or even a chance for her to make a move, he kissed her once . . . twice . . . deepening the kiss the third time. Perri was lost inside his kiss; her body feeling warm and tingly. She moaned in his mouth as he used his skillful, probing tongue to retrace the path inside her mouth that he’d claimed for himself the first time they’d ever kissed on that beautiful snowcapped mountain he’d surprised her with a trip to, over a year and a half ago, when they decided to move their relationship from the friend zone into the dating scene, where they’d both been actively pursuing their perspective roles in each other’s lives ever since. This kiss was like none other she'd ever experienced, except for with this special and unique man. Perri tried to catch her breath between kisses only to find it was a hopeless feat trying to steady her flush body under the bone thrilling assault of his potent and wonderful fingertips as his warm hands began to roam over her body as if he knew by heart every secret about each and every crevice his fingertips delved deep into. Perri couldn't do a thing but stand there and take it as his mouth found its way and reacquainted itself to her ears and neck while his hands took on a whole other escapade of their own, feeling their way to places that were strictly still virgin territory.

“Barry,” Perri panted, grinding her core into his probing hand. His mouth came back to hers. His hands played with her soft, brown tresses, massaging her scalp, knowing it stroked her stress away. “Don't you know it's dangerous to open the door without asking who it is?” he asked, kissing, nibbling, and teasing her upper and lower lips. “Huh?” Perri returned the pleasant kisses. “You expect me to think right now?” Barrington chuckled as he decided to give her time to regain her good senses. He licked his lips just to taste her honey one more time. Squeezing her waist, his hands traveled down to cup a handful of her ass, as his baby was blessed with just enough junk in her trunk. “Seriously, Perri, you need to be more careful.” He shook his head. “Don't ever answer the door unless you ask and know who it is first,” he instructed her like he was reprimanding a small child. Perri folded her arms and looked up at him. “Then maybe you should have thought about that before you showed up here unannounced.” Barrington chuckled. “So, you're not happy to see me?” Ignoring his question, she said, “And furthermore, if you were so concerned about my safety and well-being, why'd you just push your way in and immediately pounce on my body?” He laughed out loud. “It wasn't your body, it was your mouth.”

“Same difference, it’s still part of my body.” “I beg to differ.” He pulled Perri back into his arms. “If I were gonna pounce on your body, baby, it wouldn't be like this.” Barrington tasted her lips again, kissed her, slowly slipping his well-placed tongue into the sweetness of her mouth, and finding her tongue again, he mated with her like a savage beast. Unable to help it, Perri slid her hands around his neck and caressed his scalp as she expertly ran her fingers through his gorgeous locks, letting out a deep sigh of surrender. Just like that, Barrington ended the kiss. “Anyway,” she playfully pushed at him, “what are you doing here?” Looking back at the door, then her, he grinned. “You just gonna leave that door open? You want me to discuss all our personal business where your nosy neighbors can hear?” he teased. Perri closed the door behind him and led him into the living room. “So?” She pivoted around to face him. “So what?” Perri huffed. “Don't play with me, G-Man. What are you doing here?” “I came to see my woman. Is that all right with you?” “Fine time to be asking now that you’re here.” He chuckled. “You still got that smart mouth I see.” He reached out and fingered her lips lightly. “I like that, though,” he admitted. “Don't change.”

“I hadn't planned on it,” she informed him, trying to stifle the smile that so desperately wanted to come out of hiding. “I see,” he drawled. “You don't see anything, Barrington. If you did, you'd know I was just playing hard to get.” He grinned. “Does that mean I got you if I want you?” She grinned back. “Does that mean you want me . . . if you could have me?” He had to laugh. “Why you always answer my questions with a question?” She laughed, too. “Why you always ask questions that need answers?” They laughed at each other. Barrington shook his head. “You got such a damn smart ass mouth.” “No need to worry since me and my mouth are none of your concern.” Stepping closer to her, he lowered his head until his forehead touched hers. “See, now, Perri, that's where you're wrong.” He lightly brushed his lips against hers. “Things are different now.” Fighting the desire inside, Perri said, “I don't know how you figure that.” Her eyes fluttered shut as his mouth did things to the inside of her mouth that she knew she had no business allowing herself to enjoy when he was making her feel this hot and bothered. “Well, now, I could tell you.” He kissed her deeply again.

“But you'd probably have more fun if I showed you.” “No, you'd have more fun if I let you show me. But if you can't even tell me, Barrington, why should I trust you to show me? Why would I even want to see?” “Some things, Perri, there aren't any words to describe. You have to feel it in order to believe it's real.” “And some things, Barrington, have to be explained in some detail in order to make up your mind if you want to proceed any further or not.” She surprised him with that remark. “This is true.” He chuckled. “I know it is,” she smirked. “Oh, don't go getting all confident now. I could shake things up for you a bit.” “So do what you feel,” she suggested not bothering to hide her amusing grin. “Careful what you ask for, girl, I just might have to give it to you.” “You're assuming I'd let you.” “You underestimate me, Perri.” “Meaning what?” “You assume you'd be able to resist me.” “I done a good job so far,” she patted herself on the back. “That's only because I haven’t really put my personal touch on you yet.” “Now who's sounding cocky?”

“Not cocky, baby,” he denied. “I just know my capabilities.” “In the bedroom, no doubt,” she said dryly. “Bedroom, living room, dining room, bathroom; it don't matter to me where because with my level of skill, you still won't be able to compare me to another.” “That’s a high level of boasting for someone who has yet to back his claim up.” “Well, if you'd let me show you, baby, you'd see the proof is in the way I put my back in to it,” he teased and laughed when her mouth fell open. Catching her off guard she didn't know what to say, so she said nothing. Truth being told, right now, she was having a hard time looking in his eyes. “Don't tell me I finally rendered the great Perri Milan speechless.” She rubbed the back of her neck just to have something to do with her hands. “I'll be back in a minute,” she announced and turned to leave before he could question her. Inside her bedroom, Perri hung up the phone then sat on the edge of the bed, trying to regain her composure before rejoining Barrington in the living room. Leaning back on the bed, her hand brushed against her sketch pad. She'd forgotten she even had it out. Getting up, she grabbed it, looked at the sketch of Barrington one last time and, unable to help it, she smiled her butt off. “So, this is what you were sketching when I called.”

Perri jumped, startled because she didn't hear him come into her room. “Easy, baby girl, it's just me.” He grinned as he steadied her by the elbow. Taking the sketch pad from her hands, Barrington admired what he saw. “You're really good, you know.” “Thank you.” “You're welcome.” He shook his head in awe. “Everything is so detailed. It looks just like me, he mused, amazed at her creative skills.” He looked at her then back down at the picture he held in his hands. “This is really something else, Perri. I mean . . . it's beautiful, my baby.” She lowered her eyes. “Thank you, Barrington. I'm glad you like it.” “Like it is an understatement, Perri,” he said, his expression puzzled. “So, why'd you brush it off when I asked you about it earlier?” “I didn't want you to know.” “Is that right?” She grinned. “That and the fact you ask too many questions.” Barrington laughed. “Speaking of questions, I got just one more.” “Oh, brother,” Perri rolled her eyes, “what now?” He grew serious, gesturing to the sketch still in his hands. “Can I have this?” Perri blinked several times trying to decide if she'd

heard him right. “You seriously want it?” “Yeah, I want it, Perri, if you're willing to part with it.” He reached into his pocket. “Tell you what, baby. I'll even buy it from you, be your first customer.” “You don't have to do that, Barrington. It's not that great.” Barrington laid the sketch pad down on her bed. Lifting her chin, he said, “Don't you ever put yourself or your work down again, because you're too good to ever doubt your talent, girl.” He glanced at the sketch and added, “Way too good.” She smiled up at him, feeling all gooey and whatnot. “You really think that.” “No.” He chuckled as her sweet smile faded. “I know you're that good, Perri.” He laughed again when her face lit up with that beautiful smile once more. “So, which do you like better, backup dancing for the locals or designing?” Perri didn't have to think about that, “Designing.” “Really? Why?” She shrugged. “Just do.” “Come on, Perri, it's more to it than 'just do’ so do share.” She thought about it. “Don't get me wrong. I love to dance but designing is my passion.” Her hands got to going, gesturing and projecting meaning into every word. “The one thing I'd do even if I couldn't do anything else,” she went on to say, and could feel the creative juices flowing. She chuckled lightly. “Sound crazy?”

Amused and caught up in her excitement, Barrington said, “Only to someone who doesn't have a dream.” He smiled. “I'm proud of you, baby. You know what you wanna do. Now you just have to make a plan, stick to it and just do it.” She laughed. “Forever the optimist, aren’t you.” “There's nothing wrong with ambition, baby; gotta have it if you plan to succeed in life.” “And you think I have it?” “I know you have it, baby.” He pulled her into his arms. “Now how about giving me some of it?” Barrington kissed her deeply then stared down into his favorite pair of eyes. Perri snaked her arms around his narrow waist and sighed. “How long you home for?” “Don't know. Right now it's up in the air. I do have to be ready to go at a moment's notice, though.” “Oh,” she swallowed back disappointment. Feeling her vibe change, Barrington asked, “You okay, baby?” Perri forced a smile. “I'm glad you're here, baby boy,” she said, burying her face in his chest, inhaling his cologne and manly scent, the combination causing her head to feel woozy and dazed with unbridled lust; she squeezed his waist affectionately, her body making her feel as if she wanted to do so much more with and to Barrington. “Are you really now?” he asked playfully squeezing her ass. Barrington knew he needed to quit teasing Perri

because his hard-on for her was becoming painful. “Very much so, G-man,” Perri confirmed, burying her face deeper in his chest, wishing she could step inside of his gorgeous athletic body. She had the strange urge to climb his physique like a lizard scaling a wall. Her body involuntarily shivered in his arms and she held him tighter. He kissed to the top of her head. “So what do I get in turn for filling you with gladness?” Perri knew he was playing with her when she pulled back to ask, “What do you want?” He framed her face, sighed, and kissed her forehead. “I know I better get my horny ass back out in the living room.” His eyes scanned her bedroom, coming back to rest upon her big, spacious, empty four post bed. “Fast,” he said and turned to leave. His breath caught when he felt her hand quickly grab his, stopping him. Was that desperation he felt? Slowly, Barrington turned back around and regretted it the moment he did. Perri was so damn beautiful he wanted to take her in her bed hard and fast without protection, emptying his seed inside her so damn bad it was a crying shame. And truth be told, he felt like crying, knowing he couldn't have her, at least not in the way his body was yearning to have her now. “You don't have to go, G-Man.” Perri smiled up at him seductively, longing to feel her man’s hands all over and inside her body at once. Barrington watched her lips curve into that beautiful

smile, rendering him weak in the knees. He swallowed hard, “Yeah, Perri,” he gently detached his hand from hers, “I do.” He took a step back, blowing out a puff of air, releasing his pent up sexual frustrations with it. Perri boldly advanced forward. “I don't want you to go, Barrington.” To that, he closed his eyes and counted to ten. He knew he had to be going. “Perri, this is no time for true confessions,” he snapped, surprised by the annoyance he felt. But he also knew it was only due to the fact that he wanted her so bad he couldn't stand to be in her presence another minute without taking the necessary steps to delve deep inside of her sex. However, he knew she was still an innocent and fresh petal—in bloom—but not yet deflowered. He could tell that the first time he'd talked to her. Perri was a backup dancer true to the game, but she didn't carry herself like someone who knew the ins and outs of bedroom foreplay. Although she was the biggest tease he'd ever met—virgin or not. “Why isn’t it?” She glanced around her spacious bedroom, particularly her empty bed. “Seems to me now is the perfect time for lots of things if we want it to be, Barrington.” “Girl, quit playing with me. I promise now is not the time.” All she had to do was look south to know he wasn’t playing games right now. “Why don’t you tell me why now is not the time for me to be honest with you, baby?”

Barrington's right hand reached out stroking the side of her face, then cupped her nape. “Let me ask you this, Perri. Do you think you could handle me being honest with you?” Perri recalled the brief thought crossing her mind that, while she had nodded her head, the fog in her brain knew she was in over her head, and her mind just didn’t seem to want to even faction that she totally did not give a care at this moment; something she was oddly sure she’d grow to regret in the days to follow. For now though, she wanted Barrington like she’d never wanted another man in the history of her short lifespan. She nodded, knowing she was poking the bear, but didn't care. Perri wanted to know what it felt like to have Barrington moving inside of her body in a way no man ever had before. She wasn't quite sure how to respond or act since she'd never been with a man sexually before. But for the most part, she knew she wanted to experience her first sexual pleasure trip with Barrington, the love of her life, and she believed with all of her heart that she was every bit the love of his life as well. To her way of thinking, it just made since for Barrington to lose himself inside her eager and waiting body that was already so hot and on fire for him as it was. Barrington sat on Perri’s bed, pulling her down in his lap, and took a deep breath before explaining his situation to her. He absently ran his hands up and down her arms. “Perri, I'm a man.” He swallowed hard. “A very experienced man,” he clarified. Tenderly rubbing his thumb back and

forth against her chin, he gently lifted it so she was looking directly into his eyes. “Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you, baby?” God he wanted to feel his cock buried to the hilt inside of her beautiful body. He could already feel the heat radiating from what he knew had to be her wet and ready pussy. Just damn him. He was a horny bastard who had no business darkening the doorway to his innocent woman’s bedroom. “I believe I know what you’re saying,” Perri said. “That you've been with a lot of girls.” She shrugged, dropping her eyes to his Adam’s apple as he swallowed hard a few times. “A lot of experienced women, too, I suppose.” Nodding slowly, Barrington confirmed, “Yeah, Perri . . . I have.” A strange feeling shot through Perri; a strange possessive feeling. She ignored it. “You're a musician, Barrington, so it only stands to reason that you've had your share of affairs. I'm not stupid. I know how the game is played.” “No, Perri, you're not stupid.” Barrington studied her delicate flawless face then looked in her chocolate brown eyes, admiring the soft structure of certain Indian facial features, but also appreciating the fact that she was fully black; not that he could not have been interested in her if she weren’t black; still his preference had always been for black women. It was a personal choice, and Perri was his beautiful black woman. That fact made him feel proud inside, knowing he'd definitely found himself a good

woman. Perri wasn't like other women—young and old— who were constantly throwing themselves at him. She also called it right when she said it was a game. What Perri didn't know was that he was way too tired of playing, and seriously thinking about settling down. She also didn’t know how lonely he was on the road without being able to see her on a daily basis. And since they'd been seeing each other exclusively for the past year and a half, the longest he'd been with any woman and had wanted to be with, naturally Perri was the one he wanted to make a home for, settle down with, and have some babies. The problem was, at age twenty-six, Barrington didn't just want to settle for casual dating. He wanted forever with his sweet Perri, but her being only twenty-one, he wasn't sure how deep her feelings for him ran. Sure, he knew she cared for him, he could feel it when she touched him—even innocently, and he could see it in her expressive eyes every time she looked at him. But since she had never dated anyone but him, he wasn't sure if she was ready to consider settling down for the long haul with him. Barrington’s mind went to the velvet blue box in his bedroom. Over the last three months, whenever he had spare time, he’d searched for the perfect ring to upstart a pre-engagement with Perri. Every vibe she was giving off since he walked inside her house said her body was ready, and he was more than ready to join his body with hers in his bed forever. But still, he couldn’t just take for granted he knew what his baby felt for him just because he knew he

was head over heels in love with his sweet Perri. Pondering all that, Barrington said, “You’re nowhere close to stupid, baby.” Perri was smart, intelligent, funny, and the most beautiful person, inside where it counts and outside where it doesn't hurt, he'd ever laid eyes on. “Barrington, even if you weren’t a musician, baby, you’re a gorgeous man so I can pretty well imagine that it's fair to say you've been with plenty of women.” With a one shoulder shrug, she briefly lowered her eyes as she said, “I know I can't compete with all the other women—” “No, Perri.” He touched her lips to quiet her and lifted her chin. “You're not like all the others. I would never want you to be.” He smiled affectionately. “I love that about you.” Did he just say love? As if reading her mind, Barrington said, “Yes, Perri, I did say love.” “Oh,” was all she could think to say, suddenly wishing she was Happy Feet so she could do a victory dance. God, my man loves me! Perri knew he did, could even pinpoint when his actions started to show his love for her. But still, to hear him say it was a feeling like no other that left her suspended out of her familiar element and dangling between heaven and earth, it just made her feel that good that Barrington had chosen to give his love to exclusively to her. Unsure of how to take Perri’s silence, Barrington chuckled, but only for a moment. “Does it bother you that I love you, baby?”

Perri framed his face, kissed his smooth cheek and smiled. “Does it surprise you to know I love you right back, G-Man?” Barrington couldn’t have stopped the grin that took up the space on his face if he’d wanted to. “Don't shit me, Perri. You don't have to say it just because I did.” “I know I kid around a lot. But I would never joke about that, Barrington.” “You’re serious, girl?” She’d better not be playing with him; not about this. Perri stood, changed positions, climbing on top of him, straddling his lap. Her hands slightly trembled but it wasn't from fear, only sweet anticipation as she gingerly cupped his face with both hands. Looking into his beautiful yellowgreen eyes, she said, “Does this answer your question?” His cock jumped and he grinned, trying his best to control his emotions and libido. “There you go answering a question with a question again.” Needing Perri to be really still lest he lose all self-control, Barrington’s hands went to either side of her hips to still them from moving as he concentrated on breathing normally. “There you go making something so simple complicated again,” she said shifting her hips slightly, hoping to feel the brunt of Barrington’s hard-on in the center of her core which was throbbing with need. Barrington's face contorted like he was in pain, Perri swallowed hard, trying to figure out why he acted like he didn't want her, or even want to want her. She wanted to cry,

and knew she would if he didn't hold her soon. She decided to get a little bolder, rocking forward on his erection which was already rock solid. “Baby, don't,” came out of him in a strained whisper, his hot desire was about to push through his skin and Barrington wasn't sure how long he could remain a gentleman. Like a sharp, blunt instrument cutting through smooth, rich, creamy butter, his words knifed her, seeped in her veins, lodged in her chest . . . and broke her heart. Looking in his eyes, Perri never dreamed this particular man, beautiful hero to her that he was, would crush her with two careless words. Let me tell you something, Perri, she could hear Madear saying, don't ever let anyone strip you from you.

You got you. You got your dignity, and that's all you ever need to make it this life, that be so ugly and unfair. You hold on to you, no matter what. You hear me, Sugarplum? Who knew today she'd find out firsthand how true Madear's words were? Willing all her dignity to the forefront, Perri forced her chin up two notches. Just like that she climbed off Barrington’s lap and ran out of the room, ignoring the pain in her heart that mocked her every step of the way.

Where the heck am I going? This is my house! He's the one who needs to get out, she thought about to open the front door and make a mad dash out. “Perri?” Barrington caught up to her at the door,

wondering where she was going. They were in her house. If anyone should be preparing to leave it was him. And hadn't he just tried to tell her that, to do exactly that? Wasn't he prepared to walk away from her without taking her invitation to sex that she was openly offering him no matter how painful it was for him physically? Hell, he was just trying to respect her innocence and it had her running away from him without an explanation whatsoever. “Let me go, Barrington!” she ordered in a semi hateful tone. Instead of complying, he kissed the top her head, holding her to his chest tightly. “Why are you doing this to me?” she whispered, her voice cracked. Closing his eyes, he told her honestly, “I'm not doing this to you, baby. Believe it or not, Perri, I'm doing this for you.” Her laughter held no humor. “That's supposed to be my line, isn't it?” Turning her stiff body around to face him, Barrington gently lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his probing gaze. “This is not a line, Perri.” He shook his head in denial as well as hurt and confusion. “Why won't you believe me?” “Why won't you just tell me why you don't really want me?” “Wait. Not want her? What?” Shaking his head, Barrington blinked, thoroughly confused. “Where did you get a crazy idea like that, Perri?”

She jutted her chin out. “If it's so crazy, Barrington, then you must be insane, because I got the idea from your actions. Or shall I say lack of them?” Barrington tried his best not to, he really did, but before he could stop himself, he broke out laughing. Perri shoved his shoulders hard with both palms. He yelped and continued laughing. Perri glared up at him, really wanting to smack the cockiness right out him. “Don't you laugh at me!” she demanded. When he only doubled over and laughed some more, she stomped on his right foot and ran out the door, pulling her keys out of the pocket of her jeans as she did. When she got to her car, fumbling to jam the key in the lock, they fell out of her hand, slapping her feet. She quickly snatched them up off the ground and attempted to force them in the lock again. And again, they fell to the stupid ground. “Dumb keys,” she fussed to the air. Catching up to her at the car, Barrington scooped up her keys and held them in the air. “Don't you ever do that again, Perri,” he grated through clenched teeth. “Damn you, Barrington. Give me my keys!” she ordered in a not so low tone. “Not until you stop acting like a fool.” Perri half laughed, half grunted. “You don't have to worry about that. This is the last time I play the fool for you.” Pushing at his chest with both hands, she yelled up at him, “Give me my keys. Now!” He stared down at her. “Not until you tell me where you

think you're going.” “I don't owe you any explanations.” “Wrong, Perri. I just told you I love you, girl. I think I deserve to know why you having a hissy fit.” The look in his eyes told her he meant to get an answer. “Why don't you just go back wherever it is you came from and leave me alone,” she turned and started back up her driveway. “Oh, no you don't, Perri.” Barrington caught hold of her arms as she struggled against him. “You are not just gonna walk away without explaining yourself.” “Turn around and watch me.” “I am; like a hawk. That's why I'm telling you, you’re not walking away from me until we settle this thing, whatever it is.” He honestly didn't have a clue. “Well, I tell you what.” She tested his grip on her arms; it remained tight. “You let me go and I'll think about listening to you.” “Are you gonna be a good girl if I do?” He was not her fool. She wanted to haul off and slap the tar out of him. Too mad, stunned, and hurt to do anything, she remained quiet. “I can't hear you, Perri. Is that a yes or no?” His hold on her wrists tightened as she squirmed one last time. “Yes. All right!” she shouted. Slowly, Barrington released his grip on her, but he held on to her hands. “Okay,” he announced like it was an

introduction “why are you so mad?” Giving him the evil eye, she challenged, “Wouldn't you like to know?” “Will you just answer me straight out,” he snapped. “Don't you yell at me, Barrington Knight!” “Why not, Perri? You certainly don't think twice about yelling at me.” “That's because you deserve it.” “What I deserve is an answer. And I'm damn well gonna get one.” Perri rolled her eyes at him as hard as she could, then folded her arms and looked out into the distant street. Unable to focus on anything, she blinked back angry tears. If Barrington wasn't so annoyed he would have laughed at her again. Standing there like a spoiled brat of a child who'd just threatened her parents' that she was gonna hold her breath until they gave in to her wishes. Well, she can have as many temper tantrums as she wants, he thought,

she's still gonna answer me. “I'm waiting, Perri.” “Go home, Barrington.”

Okay, it was cute before; now it's just downright annoying. “Look, girl, I came all this way to see you. The least you can do is be a decent hostess.” Is he crazy? “Did I ask you to come over here?” “No.” “Well, then.”

He tried to hide his grin. “That didn't stop you from letting me in, did it? It also didn't stop you from kissing my face off.” He did laugh this time. Her jaw gaped open. “Me?” she pointed at him, “You're the one who pounced on me. And you did it just so you could take pleasure in pushing me away like some little pest who got too close,” she accused and glared at him disgusted. “You . . . you . . . you . . . Her mind went blank as she searched her brain for something, anything bad to call him. She could tell by the smirk on his face he wanted to laugh at her some more and that only pissed her off that much more. “Like I said, Barrington, go home.” She started toward the house again. “Aw, hell, I've had about enough of this. I'm sick of this shit, Perri.” “Good! Be gone,” she called over her shoulder. “Oh, I will.” “Good!” She stomped even harder up the driveway. “But you're coming with me.” “Barrington,” she yelped as he lifted her off the ground. “Put me down!” “I will . . . soon enough.” Opening the door to his Escalade, he shoved her in the passenger side, locking the doors as he did so. He stood there and watched her struggle to get the door open to no avail. Then he stared at her a while longer as she beat the side window. At that point, Barrington informed her, “They're childproof locks,

Perri, which is exactly what you're acting like right now; a child!” Stalking over to the driver side, he got in, slammed the door, started the engine and, backed out of her driveway with her cussing him all the way.

CHAPTER THREE Fifty-five minutes later, Barrington pulled into his driveway. Instead of going around to her side, he pulled Perri out of his side right along with him, scooped her up, and carried her up his walkway. He'd already called ahead and told his housekeeper, Nia, to leave the door unlocked for him. Barrington opened the door and pushed it shut with his foot. He then walked up his winding staircase and did not stop until he walked into his bedroom. Once inside, after closing and locking the door, he made his way over to the middle of his room, and only then, did he release Perri as he deposited her not so softly in the center of his bed. He looked down at her with a satisfied grin that he wouldn't even bother trying to hide. “Now,” he announced, “you're on my turf, and you will listen to me.” When she just hoisted herself on her knees and sat back on her haunches, then bit her lower lip, staring up at him, Barrington just about lost all sense of reality as he fought the urge to pounce on her body for real this time. He shook off his desire, or at least he attempted to. Damn,

even mad as the devil, she's sexy as hell. He automatically started to sit down before he caught himself, knowing it was safer for him to stand and keep somewhat of a physical distance between them. “Look, Perri, I don't like it when you're mad at me, especially when you won't tell me why. And I don't know what made you think

I don't want you, when wanting you is all ever seem to do. But I know you're a virgin too, Perri, and as much as I want to be your first, I don't want to hurt you.” “Too late, Barrington, you already accomplished that.” He swallowed back a curse, and sat on the bed, pulling her into his arms. She struggled against his touch. He then pulled her onto his lap and held her tight. As if all the fight had suddenly drained out of her, she stopped struggling, but her body remained stiff in his arms. He kissed the center of her back and kept kissing it until she finally relented and melted against him. “Sweet Perri, it's not supposed to be like this,” he spoke softly. Too softly. She slowly turned around and her breath caught, her lungs suddenly too heavy to breathe through. He was too darn fine. “I don't believe this crap of you.” Crap? “Are you sure you're black?” He laughed out loud. “Perri, what girl over the age of eleven says crap anymore?” He got so tickled he laughed again. With an elbow, she shoved him in the ribs. “Looks like you met your first one.” “Ouch! Damn it, Perri. Would you stop that shit?” She's definitely black. Just country as hell, he decided. “Before or after you stop laughing at me?” Rolling his eyes, he sighed hard. “Are we about to play tit for tat again?” “Are you about to start asking dumb questions again? Because if you are—”

Kissing her mid-sentence, he swallowed the last of her words. He needed her to listen to him, and he could only think of this one way to get her to shut up. Pushing angrily at his chest, “Dirty dog,” she hissed. Ignoring her name calling, Barrington kissed her again, this time, more deeply and much longer until he felt her push at his chest again. “Why are you doing this to me?” Barrington closed his eyes; his heart just about stopped beating in his chest when he heard her whimper, probably out of pure frustration; frustration that he was putting her through. “I'm sorry, Perri,” he sincerely apologized. “Why?” He opened his eyes and met her intense gaze, glimpsing unshed tears in her eyes. He cursed himself inwardly for putting them there. “Because I did something to make you believe I don't want you as much as I felt and know you wanted me back at your place.” He kissed her cheek softly. “For that, baby, I am so very sorry.” Perri quickly showed him the back of her head and looked down at his hands clasping her belly. Something warm in her stirred and she felt herself soften. Then it just hurt because she couldn't make her heart harden toward him. “Why?” “I just told you.” “No.” She shook her head, hesitating then said, “Not that. I mean, why don't you want me like I want you?”

“Because I want you more.” Damn. Every defense she spent much energy building against him was now useless . . . just like her trying to stay mad at him. She was eating out of his hands like a hungry hippo, and was convinced he knew it, too. Perri slowly looked back at him. “But you had your chance to have me. I offered myself to you. That wasn't easy to do. And it was even harder to have you pull away from me, Barrington.” She resented the tears welling up in her eyes. “How could you embarrass me like that?” With the pads of his thumbs, he brushed her tears, and slowly licked away the remainder that lingered behind. Then he said, “How can I make you happy?” “Love me.” “I do love you, baby. I told you that.” “Yeah, you did. You said you love me and yet you won't make love to me.” She nodded. “Yeah, Barrington, that makes a lot of sense in my mind.” “It makes perfect sense in my way of thinking.” “Either you have one warped sense of humor, or you're just plain cruel one.” “Neither of your accusations applies to me; not when it comes to you.” He kissed her shoulder blade. “Stop that,” she ordered, ignoring the sensuous fire it sent through her. “Why?” “Because you have no intentions of taking it any further;

you're just teasing me again. I don't like it and I want you to stop it now.” “Give me your hand.” “What?” “Your hand, Perri, give it to me,” he ordered. “Barrington—” He took her right hand in his and proceeded to place it against his chest. Smiling at her affectionately, he told her, “This is what you do to me, sweet Perri. Every time I'm near you, or hell, even when I'm away from you for months at a time . . . this is what you do to me, girl.” His look intensified as he gazed in her eyes. “I want you so bad, Perri, I can damn near taste you in my dreams, and I feel it all the way in the center of my gut.” “Really?” “What you mean really? Of course I mean really.” “Why?” “You're so damn sexy, Perri. You're like picture perfect, girl. How could I not want you?” He lifted her chin when she looked down embarrassed. “Hum?” Perri bit her lower lip to stop it from quivering. “Un-un,” Barrington protested. “Don't do that, baby. Let me.” He nibbled her lower and upper lip, making playful bites and then soothing it with his tongue. She moaned inside his mouth, partly frustrated, but mostly fixated on her strong desire for him. “Please, Barry,” she panted.

“What?” “You know.” “Tell me what you want, Perri.” “You know,” she accused. “Tell me what you want, Perri,” He repeated the words deliberate and slow. Perri swallowed hard and answered, “You, Barrington, to make love to me.” “Why?” He kissed her neck then, like a savage beast in heat, tongued her throat until she whimpered and went limp against him. “Why?” he repeated. “Huh?” Her brain was mush from here to yonder; she could barely breathe. “Why do you want me to make love to you, Perri?” He pressed a soft but questioning kiss to her lips. “Why?” Licking her lips, she tasted her man. “Are you for real? Why do I want you to make love to me?” She stared at him mindlessly. “What's wrong, Perri?” “I'm thinking about the best way to answer your question.” Her mind went back to his words; the explanation he gave back at her house. “I'm not an experienced woman, Barrington. I have no experience when it comes to the ins and outs of bedroom foreplay.” She blinked and dared to go on. “But I know I want to play with you and I know I want to be with you, wherever that is, Barrington. I want to be right there with you experiencing us together. Yes, I'm a virgin. But so what? Does that make me undesirable?”

“Baby, no,” he quickly denied. “On the contrary, it makes you even more desirable. It makes me wanna take you, brand you, make you mine. If I do . . . . How could he explain it to her? “I just don't want you to think I took advantage of you when you realize you gave your treasure away.” “You said you love me, Barrington.” “And I do.” “Are you planning on going somewhere?” “Not in the slightest.” “Then my treasure will still always be somewhere near me.” He chuckled at her childlike reasoning. “Did you ever think about it like that?” “No,” he admitted. “Maybe you should.” “I am now.” Holding her, he kissed her neck. “What am I gonna do with you?” “What do you wanna do with me, Barrington?” He shook his head, grinned and answered, “Make mad love to you, girl.” “If that madness includes passion,” she shrugged, “do what you feel, baby.” “Perri, I hope you know what you're asking me; you better know what you're doing to me. Once I start, I'm not gonna be able to stop. If this is not what you want, baby, you better let me know right now, or else, get ready to be

pleased inside and out, in every way imaginable,” he forewarned. “Unless it's with you, I'm not going anywhere, Barrington. She kissed him passionately. “So, how does this thing work? Tell me what to do.” Shocked at her terminology, Barrington complained, “You don't have to make it sound so crass.” Perri giggled. “I'm not.” The look on his face made her giggle again. “I'm just trying to let you teach me while I learn my lessons well.” “Yeah?” Watching her nod, Barrington said, “Lesson one, then, don't ruin the moment with careless words.” He couldn’t fake-force a smile at this point, he was so damn hot for his woman. Then he kissed her, drawing her tongue inside his eager mouth. He gently eased her off his lap, transferring her to his bed where he proceeded to slowly undress her, first with his eyes then with his hands. He took the liberty of kissing, stroking, kneading every inch of her body. She was beautiful to him. Perri thought she'd die when Barrington sought to remove her clothing a little at a time, like he was giving her time to back out or something. She wasn't going to change her mind. She knew what she wanted. Knew she wanted this man for herself. Knew she was probably not going to regret it. Knew like she knew her name she was going to make love with this man who tortured her by slowly undressing her. “Hurry, Barrington,” she called out impatiently.

“No, Perri,” he insisted. “Because it's your first time, baby, it has to be right.” “Well, hurry up and make it right.” He had to laugh, kissing her deeply until she was straining against his erection, which had become painful for him. He knew she was prepared to receive him in full on this particular day. Breaking their overheated kiss, he stood back, staring at her, taking her in her beautifully naked form from head to toe. Perri felt self-conscious under the scrutiny of his intense gaze. The man is ogling me. “What are you staring at me like that for?” She tried to recover from his delicious deadly kisses. Pulling her to her feet, he kept staring. “You are so damn beautiful, Perri.” Smiling, he slowly circled around her, his grin growing bigger when he noted the extra junk in her trunk. Damn, baby, your ass is the bomb! “You are so damn hot and sexy.” She probably turned seven different shades, all of them said, “Thank you.” Taking his leisurely time, he perused her body, committing every minute detail to his memory, for a sweet reminder of her when he was on the road. Then Barrington realized, for her, something inside him had stirred, bringing him to his knees as she pulled on the invisible strings of his heart. Picking her up, and this time, carefully lowering her on his bed, he knew he loved her even more at that moment in time, and sought to express it all the more as he took his

sweet time gingerly exploring her body, every terrain of it. Barrington held her naked body close to his, inhaling her unique scent and committing it to his memory; he now knew her original womanly scent and would forever be familiar with it. Satisfied he could pick Perri out from any other woman on the face of the earth, it was only then that he allowed her eager hands to undress him, however, she wasn't so slow with her hot pursuit of him, and that surprised him. But it was a pleasant surprise that made his heart first flutter, then turn over like a cartwheel in his chest. Of course Perri along with every other woman in the world knew what Barrington's chest looked like, because he loved to take his shirt off on stage, showing off his abs of steel with pecs that demanded to be met. His six pack was always calling her name, and now she was gonna answer that call. “My turn.” “What?” “To ogle you like you did to me,” she clarified. “It's my turn now.” “I did not ogle you.” “You so did, Barrington. And now fair is fair so stand up.” Barrington willingly complied, all the while grinning, as he stood with his backside facing her. “Nice assets.” He shot her a naughty look over his shoulder, chuckling, turned on by her words. “Girl, don’t let your mouth start something you not willing to finish.”

Perri shook her head. “You talk too much, Barrington. Now turn around,” she commanded. He did as he was told. Her jaw fell all the way to the ground, maybe from shock, maybe from pleasant surprise; could be both. She didn't know but heard herself saying, “That's going inside of me?” Barrington laughed. “Okay,” he said, “do I need to take time to tell you about the birds and the bees?” he teased. Perri’s eyes were like totally glued to his protruding and massive manhood. She blinked several times, and while she already knew from their many sessions of making out that he was a beautifully chiseled golden tanned man, she had not seen him without his briefs or boxers prior to now. She had to admit she didn't expect . . . well, it didn't even cross her mind Barrington was packing like that. Yeah, sure she’d felt his hard erection against her before; but feeling it and then actually seeing it in its full prideful length as he stood so gloriously naked before her was two separate things altogether. All she could say was, “That's really going inside of me? All of it?” Barrington laughed out loud, amused at her reaction. “Don't worry, Perri, it'll fit,” he said. She blinked several times, seriously doubting his words. “But it's so big . . . well, thick . . . and long. And I'm so,” she pointedly glanced down at herself, “I've never been broken in . . . .” “It is gonna be all right, baby. I promise.”

Her laughter held no humor. “Forgive me if I don't rush to believe you.” “Perri—” “You'll rip me apart, Barrington! And . . . huh . . . I still need to sit as well as walk . . . once this process is over.” Did I really just say process? God, that was stupid. Perri knew he probably thought she was daft. Not that she had anything by way of personal experience to compare it to, but the man could probably be arrested for assault with attempt to please. And looking at him—if she actually thought all of him would fit—no doubt he'd go out of his way to please her. But come on now. She was sure he knew as well as her she couldn't open her legs wide enough to receive all he had to offer. Suddenly, she wondered how on earth he was able to sit when he was this fully aroused, and the thought made her want to laugh out loud but she wisely bit it back. Barrington tried not to; he really did, but he burst into laughter at her dramatic antics. The fact he could see she was really serious had him laughing harder. Perri was up on her knees in the center of his bed before she knew she moved. “What are you laughing at?” she demanded with her eyes still glued to his impressive manhood. “Perri . . . it won't . . .” Barrington paused. It won't what? How could he explain where she would understand? He couldn't say it wouldn't hurt her with her being a virgin and all; it would hurt her the first time, probably the second time,

too. He knew he needed to prepare her but he didn't want to shock her anymore than she already was. “Perri, this,” he stroked himself, “is meant to please you; it won't kill you. And I promise, baby, I won't rip you apart.” “And I'm supposed to believe this because why?” He had to laugh before he forced himself to get serious. “Come here, Perri.” “Why?” “Just come here.” “Tell me why first.” Barrington shook his head. However, he approached the bed to stand directly in front of her. He reached out to her, “Give me your hand, Perri.” “What are you gonna do with it?” “Stop being difficult and just give me your hand.” She hesitated before slowly placing her right hand in his left hand. “Thank you.” With his other hand he lifted her chin so her eyes were fixed on his. “Now, baby, I need you to trust me. Think you can do that?” With a single blink, she nodded. “Good.” Barrington smiled reassuringly. “Touch me.” “W-what?” Instead of repeating himself, Barrington guided her hand to his manhood. Then he kept his hand on hers as he moved her hand up and down, allowing her to stroke him. Before long he removed his hand and she was exploring

him on her own. He released a low growl. “That's it, baby. Feel me; get to know me intimately,” he urged her on. Barrington thought he would die when she slowly started to squeeze him softly. Instead of disgusted, Perri was absolutely fascinated. Especially when she felt Barrington's manhood jerk under her touch, and he shuddered as she continued to stroke him. Truthfully, though no expert as of yet, she thought that turned her on every bit as much as it did him; maybe more so because suddenly she heard herself sounding strange and feeling desperate to have him inside her. “Barry . . .” she panted and didn't recognize her voice, but knew it was hers. “Yes?” “Hurry.” Ignoring her order, he simply said, “In time, sweet Perri.” “How much time?” she inquired impatiently. He chuckled softly at her inquiry then answered, “As much time as it takes to love you inside and out, baby.” Barrington pulled back the covers on his bed and helped her underneath them before joining her. He then watched her study him with eager eyes that let him know she only wanted him, for he was all she saw. “What?” she asked him. Perri was gonna die if he didn't touch her again . . . and soon. Instead of answering, Barrington gazed down into her chocolate brown eyes, melting under the weight of them as

they bore into his soul. He knew he loved this woman; knew he would always love her; knew he wanted her forever. “Barring—” He heard his name on her lips, but he swallowed her words as she called out to him, silencing her so he could take her to a place she'd never been but was so eager to travel to, wanting to explore every avenue of it; the it being his body, which he fully intended to give her unselfishly. Barrington smiled seductively at her, his intent to seduce her into awareness as he taunted and teased her to a higher level of arousal. Only when he was sure her uncharted body was fully awake did he even attempt to go deeper in his quest of her. Little by little her body was melting under the slow and deliberate assaults of Barrington's tongue exploring her body from head to toe. He sucked her toes and she thought she'd die from the pleasure. Were toes really made for sucking? She closed her eyes as he worked his way back up her body. When he got to her inner thigh she felt him tenderly tongue her there before he moved on and did the same to her other thigh; she bit back a cry and a single tear rolled down her left eye. Then she felt him . . . Oh my god! “What are you doing?” she shrieked. Oh my goodness! She almost jumped sky-high from his bed, but he was quicker and firmly grasped either side of her hips, holding her in place to that one spot in his bed. “Oh, Barry . . .” she cried out, feeling his mouth, tongue, even his teeth where she never

dared dream she'd feel them. Then she felt little tremors in her lower belly, like her body was teetering on the verge of being electrocuted and it was enough to scare her. As if sensing her fear, Barrington removed his tongue and mouth long enough to say, “It's all right, Perri, it's just your body responding its pleasure. Relax your body. Relax all of your muscles. Concentrate on the way I’m making you feel; let your body talk for you and know that it is my tongue inside your wet core.” Then just like that, he picked back up where he left off. Again . . . Perri almost leapt in the air. Again . . . he firmly held her hips in place. Perri felt like curling her toes, or pulling her hair or his hair, anything to cope with the pressure, sweet as it was, building inside her. She lost track of where she was, suddenly time and space didn't matter. Perri only felt Barrington doing wonderful, and what she assumed had to be sinful things to her with his mouth, teeth, and well-placed tongue. It was pure torture to be still, but she enjoyed every second of it, however sinful it may be. She didn't know, wasn't sure; didn't care. All that mattered was Barrington, and my, oh my, how he was surely pleasing her and teasing her at the same time. Perri wanted more as her moans became louder and she fisted her hands through his hair, pushing his head closer while her hips ground against his face and mouth. “Barry . . .” her body convulsed again.

Barrington continued to suckle, tease, and lick her tight, wet sex. Perri’s body convulsed again. Barrington continued to drink her juices, swallowing every drip-drop she released into his eager mouth as if it were a fountain where he sought to quench his growing thirst. Before Perri could catch her breath enough to recover, her body convulsed once more. Only then, did a satisfied Barrington, release his grip on her hips, withdrawing his tongue and removing his mouth from her heated and extremely wet core. “You okay, baby?” he asked softly. His voice was so gentle, Perri couldn't help crying as it caressed her soul, washed over her body, and finally, settled within her heart. “No,” she answered truthfully, wondering if she'd ever be okay again. She didn't want it to end. It felt so good . . . so right in his arms, and she wanted to stay in them forever. Sensing her need, on cue, Barrington held Perri a long time. “So,” she smiled, “that's called 'making love'?” He chuckled. “That's just one form of making love, Perri.” Surprised, she eagerly said, “You mean there's more?” He laughed out loud. “Yes, there's more.” “How much more?” she wanted to know.

“A lot more; a lot better.” “So . . .” “So?” “So, what are we waiting for?” she whined, eager to find out what more was in store. Because if it was anything like she just experienced she might not survive it. Just then, Perri felt Barrington's finger playing with the center of her core, revealing her secrets to him as he slowly slipped two fingers inside and tortured her with the same slow and agonizing pattern as he'd done with his mouth and, just like his tongue, his fingers were well-placed, too. She felt that slow rumble in her belly building up, ready to resurface at any given moment; she knew he felt it, too, because he sped up the friction of his two fingers working inside her. “Barry . . .” she cried out under the tremors of her body. Letting her recover strength in his arms, Barrington held Perri for a long time then, too. For him it was a great exercise in patience because he was wrestling with his body’s desire to be buried deep inside her right now. But this was his baby’s first time and he wanted Perri to be able to remember it with pleasure even when they were old, gray, and married for fifty-five years. And he didn’t have a doubt in his mind that this woman would be his wife someday. “So, that's the more,” Perri quietly observed. Barrington chuckled, thinking she was so funny. “No, baby, that's just another form of making love.” “Are you kidding me right now?”

Barrington shook his head and laughed out loud. “Nope, I'm totally serious, Perri.” Already feeling the world was hers, she said, “When do we get to the end?” Smiling, Barrington replied, “There is no end, Perri. There's just a form better then the first two you just experienced. It does get better,” he assured her. “How come in all the times we made out you never did those things to me before now?” “Because I knew where that was going to lead and I didn’t think you were ready to go all the way with me yet,” Barrington answered honestly. “I love you so I wasn’t going to rush you.” “You should have asked me,” she said serious, “because I’m thinking I would have liked doing this with you before.” Barrington groaned. “Now you tell me,” he slapped her ass lightly. She giggled. “Can I handle the rest of what you’re going to give me?” “You're about to find out.” Barrington kissed her long, hard, and hungrily as he demanded more of her mouth, sliding his tongue in and out of her mouth, mimicking what else he planned on doing to her. Perri opened to him never dreaming of holding back on him, giving him as good as she got from him. “What are you doing?” she asked when he let her catch her breath.

He chuckled. “Making love to your mouth; this is what it'll be like when I make love to your body, as I’m moving inside of you,” he explained and repeated the pattern over again. Perri was mesmerized by his words; they were hypnotic and potent, and she felt exotically at ease with him. She gasped, realizing he'd moved forward on his quest to know her intimately. Her eyes fluttered shut, feeling him caress her breast, squeeze, and tease her nipples. Barrington gazed longingly at her breasts. “I want to taste you.” He lowered his mouth to her nipples, teasing, prodding, nipping and soothing with his tongue. He offered equal time and attention to her twin breast, repeating the same pattern. Perri didn't think she could take anymore, and feeling the urgent ache of her wet core confirmed it for her. “Please, Barry . . . please . . .” “Not yet, baby. Not yet.” “When?” she whined, feeling delirious with wanton need. “I need to feel you inside me.” “At the appointed time; after I'm done nurturing my friends the twins here.” Barrington shushed her with his tongue gliding smoothly between the center that separated her breasts one from the other while stroking her breasts with his hands. When she cried her pleasure he created a path of kisses that started at her breastbone and descended down to her navel, dipped his tongue inside, swirling it around until he'd tasted every inch of it, making

her cry out her pleasure again. Though he'd tried to be careful not letting his erection touch her yet, he was now solid and hard as a rock, unable to avoid contact with her skin; he moaned his pleasure when his cock jumped and touched the folds of her feminine core. He tried to remember it was her first time as he placed a knee between her thighs which she fully opened to him and he intimately pressed his thigh against her. Barrington didn't want to but for her sake alone said, “It's not too late to stop me, Perri.” The last thing he wanted to do was stop, but for her, if she said stop, he would. She couldn't speak, only hearing a purring, not realizing it was her.

CHAPTER FOUR When it was apparent she wasn't going to stop him, Barrington said, “Perri, this is important. I need you to listen to me, okay?” She could only nod her understanding. “I'm about to enter you,” he explained, “and, baby, this is going to hurt a little once I'm inside you.” He kissed her lips softly. “Did you understand me?” “Yes,” she whispered, wondering what a little meant. “I'll be as gentle as I can, Perri, but I won't be able to help the pain you feel,” he tried to explain again. Now, wondering what he meant by pain, she nodded and waited. Her eyes were still closed; she wanted him inside her. She heard him open a drawer, fumble inside it. She heard him tearing something. She could feel his heat against her heat, further melting her, but he wasn't inside her yet, hadn't even tried. Why was he taking so long? Being careful, as gentle and slowly as he could, Barrington eased inside Perri. He stopped, giving her time to get used to the feel of him so far. Then he eased inside her a little more. Stopped and gave her time to accommodate him. Feeling her legs part more for him, he encouraged her, “That's it, sweet Perri, open for me, baby.” By now he was up against her virgin barrier. Cradling her hips, he thrust forward breaking the barrier of her safely guarded shield. He cursed himself inwardly when she cried

out in pain. He didn't dare move until she gave him the okay. Prepared as Perri thought she were from his warning, she couldn't help the cry that escaped her throat, forcing her eyes open. That's why he took so long! She knew it the moment chocolate brown eyes met yellow-green eyes. “I'm sorry, baby.” She stared at him, wanting to assure him it was okay, but couldn't speak, feeling the burning sensation ricochet throughout her core. Then almost just as quickly it settled into a dull ache, followed by an immediate feeling of need. Barrington couldn't stand seeing that pained look in her eyes, knowing it was he who'd put it there. He cursed himself inwardly. “I'll pull out.” He attempted to but, to his surprise and he knew hers too, Perri tightened her vaginal muscles down on his solid manhood. Figuring she just didn't understand what that was doing to him, how crazy with need it was making him, and how close to the edge she was pushing him, he tried again to pull out. Again, she tightened on him, trapping his cock inside of her. Now, he didn't mind being her hostage; but he wasn't going to take advantage of the situation with her lack of experience. Even though she felt good locked around him, he tried a third time to withdraw himself from her. This time, she wiggled beneath him. That was just about his undoing. “Perri, don't do that . . .” Barrington ordered. Confused, she asked, “Don't do what?” “That . . . what you just did,” he said as if that explained

it. She shifted underneath his weight. “I’m sure I don't know what you're talking about.” Barrington cursed under his breath. “Perri, be still.” “Why?” She wiggled again. “Would you . . . just don't move, baby, okay.” She giggled. “Barrington, I think it's safe to say I'm not going anywhere.” She tested her freedom again. “You got me locked down, baby boy.” “And you got me locked up. Now quit, girl.” “Quit what?” Uncomfortable and needing him to assuage the ache she felt, she shifted again. “Damn it, Perri, if you keep that up I'm not gonna be able to pull out. In fact, you're gonna cause me to start moving inside you. Fast!” he warned, trying his best not to get any more stirred up than he already was; and it wasn't easy considering he was about eighty-five percent there now. “Barrington, all I'm trying to do is get comfortable. This isn't exactly a roll in the hay for me.” She chuckled. “No pun intended.” “Well, all you're managing to do is make me insane. You're pushing me over the edge and I'm not ready to come before I start, so stop.” He bit his tongue and fought the urge to take her fast and hard. His control was slipping and he pulled out of her almost all the way just to sink himself deeper inside her tight sheath. She was wetter than he expected her to be which was his first undoing; her muscles

were clamped down tight around his cock like a second skin which was his second undoing. If she was pushing for the third and final way to destroy his control causing him to come inside her before they really got started, then she was certainly doing the right thing. Hmm, Perri had a thought, me moving beneath him affects him big time! She tested her newfound knowledge again to be certain and, laughed when Barrington cussed, grasped either side of her hips, and held her firmly in place. Laughing out loud, she asked, “What are you doing to me?” “You got that backwards, Perri. It's what you're doing to me. I’m barely just hanging on by a thread, and you keep testing it. It's not gonna take but one more time for you to move, allowing me a deeper space inside you before I say the hell with it and give you what you don't even know you asking me for.” “Okay, well . . . it doesn't hurt as much now, I mean it's more like a dull ache at this point.” she shrugged. “So why don't we just finish—” “Absolutely not,” he grated out through clenched teeth. “No, Perri. No!” “Why not?” “You're not ready,” he told her. “I should have never started this.” “But you did, Barrington. And guess what? You're inside of me now; I'm not a virgin anymore. You've broken through my virginal barrier, so finish what you started,” she

encouraged, wanting to feel him move inside her; she needed to feel him. Feeling how she did, she knew she'd die if he didn't make a move soon. “You cannot leave me in this condition, it’s cruel and inhumane.” Not wanting to hope for too much, he argued, “You don't really know what you want; you've never done this before.” But damn it, he wanted to be the one and only to give it to her good. Instead of answering, taking her advantage and exploiting her newfound knowledge, Perri took matters into her hands. If he wouldn't move on his own accord, she'd make him; he owed her that by now. She rotated her hips beneath him, feeling him slip deeper inside her and, ignoring him when he cursed, she arched upward; he slipped inside a little more. One more time, she rocked against him. He was completely inside her; she felt delirious but good. “Perri . . .” Barrington ground out. He got quiet when her little caper suddenly dawned on him. “You little vixen; you knew exactly what you were doing to me,” he accused, trying to hide a sly grin. “You mean this . . .” she wiggled underneath him. “Damn, baby . . . you feel so . . . good.” He felt her muscles clamp down on him again, and knew he was slipping. He wasn't gonna lose control; but he wasn't gonna hold back . . . not anymore. He couldn't wait another minute. “Okay, you asked for it, Perri. Now I'm gonna give you what you want, baby.”

Loving that she got the victory, she prepared to push up again, but Barrington was quicker. This time he withdrew himself, slowly entering her again; he repeated this pattern, setting a pace with a slow rhythm. Each time he withdrew, she raised her hips to meet him, and he thrust deeper inside her. Once he set the pace she caught the rhythm and followed his lead, daring to go wherever he took her. Perri moaned her pleasure softly at first until she became louder, feeling pressure building in her lower belly, trembling just like before, only better, and this time she knew what to expect. If she could just . . . get back there . . . to that strange but wonderful place . . . Suddenly without warning her desire turned to need and Perri craved more of Barrington and the sweet love he was unselfishly giving . . . his precious gift. She wanted it all and then some. Getting downright greedy, she no longer wanted slow and easy. Her body seemed to be demanding hard and fast. “Barry . . . I . . . want . . . more . . .” He almost gave her what she was asking, but knew it would be too much for her this go around. Maybe the next time, he'd ride her hard, maybe, but definitely not her first time. “Not this time, Perri.” Surprising them both, she demanded, “Yes.” Barrington was taken aback by her boldness and again, almost gave in to her demands. Knowing he had to stay in control because Perri was overwhelmed, he told her, “You're not ready for that level yet. You’re going to be sore

and you need time to rest,” he explained. “No.” “Yes.” “No control, Barrington . . . no control. Please, just give me what I want.” Her eyes opened. “You need this too, baby, I see it in your eyes, and I want to give it to you. Please.” Upon hearing that, he looked down into her chocolate brown eyes and saw for himself it was okay for him to lose control. If at all possible, Barrington loved Perri more because she wanted to make sure he got him; that made him want to please her that much more, deciding to give her what she wanted. What they both needed; it would be for both of them. With his next thrust and the next and the next, and all the ones to follow, like a wildcat in a celibate rage, Barrington made love to Perri like he never before had to any other woman. He wasn't sure how long he rode Perri, how much she'd willingly accepted, or even when it happened, but somehow he'd tumbled over into the land of no control, giving himself completely, enjoying watching her face as she climaxed in his arms at the same time receiving his own release with her name on his lips. He continued to revel in her as she milked the last warm spurts of his liquid love. Insatiable was the only way he could describe how what she was doing to him made him feel. And for Perri, there was no telling how far Barrington would go. As far as he was concerned, nothing was labeled taboo or

considered prohibited. *** Two hours and two condoms later, Barrington was holding tight to Perri. She still felt the tremors of her body from his unselfish lovemaking from the crown of her head to the soles of her feet, and wanted the feeling to last forever or at least a wee bit longer. After a long time being held by him, she finally got up the nerve to ask the question that taunted her. “Barrington?” He smiled at the sound of her voice; it was music to his ears. “Yes, my baby?” She hesitated then said, “You've been with a lot of women; a lot of beautiful women haven't you?” Barrington heard the insecurity in her tone and knew right now she was the most vulnerable she’d ever been with him. He also knew he'd never take advantage of someone so precious, rare, and dear to him as his sweet Perri. He maneuvered her body until she lay face to face with him. “Don't do that, baby. You’re not other women and I wouldn’t want you like I do if you were,” Barrington said honestly. “I appreciate that, Barrington, but you’re not answering my honest question.” “Don't compare yourself to anyone else, baby. I'm not. You're it for me. My sampling days are over, Perri, have been from the moment I first laid eyes on you. I don't want

anyone else. For me, baby, you're all that matters.” “Thank you for saying that, Barrington. But you have been with a lot of women, haven't you? A lot of beautiful and very capable women, I can imagine.” “But none of them have shared my bed inside my home. And I swear, Perri, I've never tasted anyone but you. Your fountain of love is the only one I've ever dared to drink from; the only one I've ever wanted to drink from.” His arms tightened around her as he gave her time to absorb what he'd just revealed. “Barrington, I’ve been a backup dancer; I’ve seen the ridiculously wild lifestyle most musicians lead,” she argued the fact. “I know you have, Perri. I’m not gonna lie. I’ve had my share on the wild side. Hell, there will never be a shortage of willing groupies throwing themselves at any musician they come in contact with. But that’s just free sex and that’s all there will ever be to it, at least in the mind of most male musicians. However, I can only speak for me when I tell you none of the women I been with cared a damn thing about my soul any more than I did theirs. Not trying to be cruel here, but for me, it was just sex with them. And for them, they didn’t want me per se; just the chance to say they made it with a musician. Bottom line, I don’t go down on every woman because, to me, that is something intimately sacred to share with the woman I love. That said, baby, while I can't offer you my virginity, I have given you a gift I've never bestowed upon any other woman. In that regard,

Perri, you are my first,” Barrington kissed her temple, “and only.” Something about the tenderness in his voice when he'd said that was like mesmerizing Perri into a place she'd never been and she knew it was okay to believe him. “Thank you, Barrington, for allowing me to be the first woman to occupy your bed, inside your bedroom, in your spacious home.” She smiled affectionately. “And thank you, Barrington, for the privilege of being the first and only woman your mouth, tongue, and teeth sought out to possess.” Grinning, he told her, “You're very welcome, Perri.” Her only reply to that was another soul-stirring kiss that she had no problem delivering to him. Having gotten lost in his kiss, Perri was soon disappointed when, without warning, his lips parted from hers. “You were something else, girl,” he told her huskily. Perri chuckled and closed her eyes. “Wonder why, Tarzan.” He grew serious. “I didn't hurt you, did I?” Shaking her head, she enjoyed the feel of him next to her, rubbing circles on her back. He lightly bit her shoulder and soothed it with his tongue. “You okay, baby? Still with me?” “Better than okay; I'm great. And yes, Barrington, I'm still with you. No place else I'd rather be.” She waited then said, “I know I'm not your first lover, baby—” “But, you are the first one that's ever mattered.”

After a delicious moment of silence, long enough for his previous words to sink into her mind, her to wrap her brain around them, Barrington told her, “You count with me, sweet Perri.” He flipped her on her back and lovingly gazed down into her devastatingly beautiful, chocolate brown eyes, hoping she could read the truth he knew to be evident within his eyes. “You know, baby, in this business, I'm always gonna be surrounded by women; and yes, a lot of them are beautiful. Some of them may even be diamonds in the rough.” He shrugged. “I don't know, but whatever, it doesn't matter to me. I've already got my beautiful dime bag.” He kissed her passionately and gathered her to his throbbing chest. “And you're sized to fit me perfectly. I want you to know that, baby.” Barrington’s emotions held within something he couldn’t name; like he knew it could all slip away from him any moment when he voiced his next words. “And no matter what happens between us I need you to remember that, Perri.” Smiling sweetly, genuinely, satisfied, Perri promised she would, feeling each word deep down in her bones, making her wet core thirst for what she now recognized as his special brand of nurturing attention. “Barrington?” “Yes, sweet Perri?” “Will you please make love to me?” “You read my mind, because making love to you is exactly how I want to please you.” Quickly peeling off the condom he still wore, carelessly tossing it to the floor, in no

time Barrington was sheathed in another one and buried deep inside Perri before she had enough time to prepare herself. If she wasn't as wet as she was he wouldn't have been so quick to go inside her; but she was and, as a result, he easily slipped right in loving her all over again. Having a creative nature, Perri imagined she could see the earth, moon, and sky, and wanted to touch them all, arching to accommodate all three as she met Barrington's every thrust, matched him pace for pace, returned to him what he gave her. He increased his rhythm; it wasn't enough. Feeling this man, knowing it was Barrington moving inside her, she wanted so badly to step inside of him; offer him the same pleasure and more he was freely giving her. She lifted her hips to meet his next thrust and the next and the next until she thought she'd lose her mind while feeling the tingling sensation erupting within. Barrington must have sensed it because his thrusts became fierce, hard, demanding and delicious. “That's it . . . that's what I want, Barry . . .” “I know, baby; it's what I wanna give you, what I want you to have, always.” Barrington meant to mold her to him, so that only he fit her newfound need. In his mind, he wrote his name inside her tight sheath. He knew he was her first and he meant to be her last. He was going to make sure when he wasn't with her, she was thinking of no one but him. He felt her tremble, knew he had her shaking, but needed confirmation no other man would ever sample her goods.

“That's it, baby, I want you to shake for me. That's the way it's supposed to be, sweet Perri.” Her garden belonged to him; he was going to be the only one picking her sweet fruit from it. “No one else, Perri,” he spoke from a feeling of possession. “Mine, baby,” he declared, “no one else.” “No, no,” Perri agreed, “never anyone else for me, Barrington.” “You're mine forever, sweet Perri.” “I promise, Barrington . . . forever yours.” “Tell me what you want, baby,” he demanded, thrusting into her again and again, giving her a part of his soul each time he re-entered her. Perri couldn't think straight to concentrate on his words, but she knew he said something. “Tell . . . me . . . Perri . . .” “You,” was all she could say. She was locked inside his love like there was no tomorrow; only today and she savored every second Barrington was inside her. He was her first and she wanted him to be her last. She only wanted to feel him moving inside her; he was all that mattered to her, all she needed and so much more. “Want you . . . only . . . you . . . oh . . . Barry . . .” she tumbled over the edge and straight into the land of blissful delight. “Sweet honey dew,” she said breathlessly, feeling like this one man just baptized her soul. “Sweet Perri . . .” Barrington called out with his release, joining her in the land of forget-me-not.

*** Perri awakened from a lovely dream in which Barrington made sweet love to her. Opening her eyes, she smiled at the sight of him sleeping so peacefully. He was one beautiful man even in his sleep. She almost felt guilty, knowing she was about to disrupt his beauty sleep, but the aching need in her wet core gave her no choice. She called his name but he didn't answer. He was resting better than she thought. She kissed him softly on the lips; he stirred but didn't wake. She traced the outline of his lips with her tongue; his eyes remained closed but he licked his lips, smoothly drawing her tongue inside his warm mouth. All her senses assailed her and she initiated a soul-stirring kiss so powerful they were both caught up, completely unaware of exactly when he entered her deep. However, it wasn't long before Barrington realized the mistake of what he'd done. “Damn,” he quickly tried to pull out of Perri, which she wasn’t having, as she tightened her inner muscles, her pelvis engulfing and accommodating even more of him. “Perri, don't move,” he ordered while he had to concentrate on being still, because she was feeling so deliciously tight around his cock that all he wanted to do was slowly pull out and drive back inside her fast and hard, burying himself to the hilt in her warm, wet, tight channel. Instead of giving in to his carnal fleshly desire, with much regret, he announced, “I gotta withdraw, baby.”

“Why?” He couldn't really be serious, not when he felt so delicious. “And haven't we been down this road before?” She wiggled beneath him to prove it. “Baby . . .” he winced from the pure excitement of being so deep in her, yet knew he better not take it too far; but also aware that he'd strayed too close to the water's edge already. It took all the strength he had plus the strength of ten thousand more men not to move within her, as he tried to explain to her again, “I didn't take the necessary precaution to protect you, baby.” “Protect me?” She was thoroughly lost, “From what?” “I'm not wearing a condom, Perri,” Barrington blurted through clenched teeth. When acute awareness dawned on her, “Oh,” was all she said, feeling disappointed because she didn't want to release him despite the consequences of his revelation. “Yeah,” Barrington agreed as if reading Perri’s mind, “me too.” He honestly meant to pull out, even tried again to do just that, but for the second time within the space of a minute, Perri made the fatal mistake of wiggling her hips. “Damn it, Perri . . . stop . . . or I won't be able to—” “Just love me, Barrington,” she begged, in too deep now to care that they both failed to protect each other. As if her hips had a will to do what they wanted most, Perri began to move beneath Barrington. Weakly, he protested; she barely registered his words as she led them both deeper into a territory they had no business trying to explore without the shield of a condom. But she couldn't

make herself care enough to stop moving and let him withdraw as he'd been trying to do. Too weak to resist and too tired to try fighting a natural need to delve deeper inside her, Barrington joined her, his hips mimicking the same movement of the pattern Perri set. He actually chuckled. “I think I created an insatiable lover girl.” She giggled and asked, “Any complaints, my boy toy?” “Boy toy?” he repeated. “Perri . . . girl . . . shut up and let me love you.” She laughed. “What's the matter, baby? Does 'boy toy' make you feel dirty?” Instead of answering audibly, Barrington answered with the powerful thrusts of his hips joined with hers, as each one became faster, he went deeper inside her, taking up the lead until her body completely dissolved in his arms. “Barry . . .” “Perri . . .” They called out at the same time, just before giving way to their own release, after first making sure the other had what each needed. *** Perri had no idea how Journey managed to get her back home in one piece, but knew she must have, as she stood under the shower stall, thinking about the last shitty

eight hours of her life.

How could Barrington do that to me? How could he lie through his teeth declaring he loved me, then make what I thought was love to me, and then up and leave me? Just like that without an explanation, proclamation, declaration, nothing; not even a damn note to say ‘get out of my house, I got what I wanted from you, now we’re through’ as it were, Perri thought hotly. “I was so stupid,” she choked on the words along with tears. Perri scrubbed her body more violently this time around, closing her eyes tight to shut out the wonderful flashbacks that still held her memory captive. “Why are you doing this to me, Barrington?” she asked of the steam surrounding her from the hot shower. Her lips quivered, she bit her lower lip hard to quell the tremble; she tasted Barrington. Her still tender core reminded her of the way he skillfully worked her body to perfection. No matter what she did, she thought of him. No matter what she tried to focus on, she saw his handsome face. He was everywhere and like wandering around a maze confused which way to turn, she was surrounded by him. Though Barrington wasn't present physically, he held her captive by thought, word and deed. She was enslaved to his love, knowing he purposely captured her. He was in her. She was his and he didn't want her. How could she want someone who didn't want her? She needed to know, though it would change nothing as far as him dumping her, she knew. Intimate pictures of the two of them displayed across

the screen of her mind; her lips began to burn and her heart beat faster than the normal pace as she felt herself getting turned on and that made her cry more out of frustration than hurt from his blatant rejection. Perri gripped the shower head, her tears replaced by sudden horror, fear, and anger as a horrifying thought took root in her frayed mind. “Oh. My. God!” she gasped, struggling for air to force its way through her lungs. It hurt and she couldn’t breathe right. Perri didn't know when she recovered enough to move, but must have, because suddenly, she was in her bedroom, searching the calendar frantically. A shot of pain stabbed her heart all over again as she recalled the last time they made love without a glove. They were so caught up they got stupid and didn't use a condom. How could they have been so careful the first four times and gotten careless the fifth? She cursed them both. And fool her, why didn't she let him pull out when he tried? Because he felt so good I didn't

wanna be denied of feeling him inside me with nothing between us. Foolish, foolish, foolish girl, she berated herself again. If her calculations were correct, and Perri knew they were, she could quite possibly have a permanent sidekick shortly after the first of the New Year. “Oh, my god,” she cried, sinking to the carpet. “How could you do this to me, Barrington? How could you just leave me . . . like . . . like I was some . . . some meaningless groupie? You p-promised you wouldn't h-hurt me?” Her lungs were on fire and felt like they were being squeezed

as she fought to breathe. “You're such a damn liar. I'm so blame stupid!” The thought of him loving every inch of her body inside and out so sweet, so tender, so good, too good came rushing back to her. She felt the tenderness and the tingling between her legs all over again. Then all too quickly she felt the hurt, pain and shame of waking up to ask him to make love to her again, just to find he was gone. She felt like a pure-d fool discovering not only was Barrington not in his bed with her, he was also nowhere to be found in his house. The only other person she encountered was his native housekeeper, and she declared she spoke no English so when she spoke all Perri managed to understand was the word ‘gone’ and since she wasn't versed in Spanish, it was pointless to question her of Barrington's whereabouts, or if he'd even left word for her. Besides that, Perri didn't much care for the way she was looking at her, like she was intruding on her domain or something. She was a very beautiful woman with stunning eyes the color of emerald green. Bet he was sleeping with her, too, she thought bitterly. Perri was embarrassed and didn't know how to respond, so needless to say, she high-tailed it out of there with as much dignity and grace as she could fathom in that given predicament. If the truth were told, by the time Journey arrived there to pick her up she barely made it out Barrington's front door with her pride still intact. As for her heart, well, she wouldn't even discuss that. It was pointless

considering it lay crumpled on Barrington's bedroom floor where she left it after dressing in a hurry to escape him once and for all. She hoped. Perri knew Barrington Rashaad Knight was not an easy man to forget. She was going to need time, and plenty of it. He could have at least been a man and told her to her face it was over, that she meant nothing but another notch in his experienced bedpost. Instead, he'd chosen to be a coward, tuck tail and run before she even woke up. “How could you, Barrington? How could you?” “I hate you, Barrington . . . I hate you.” “Oh God, oh God . . . . Why?” I love you, Perri, Barrington's lie echoed in her head. So much for true confessions, she thought bitterly. “I love you, Barrington.” Perri closed her eyes tight, hoping to squeeze out the pain of loving and losing what she deemed her first love. “But you didn't love me back.” She shook her head. “Not really. You didn't love me back! God, Barrington . . . why don't you love me, too?” her voice cracked and she knew she was done. Perri thought she'd choke and honestly wanted to, as she collapsed on the floor, giving way to the flood of tears that seemed to have no end in sight.

CHAPTER FIVE One Year Later Man, did Perri really hate it when the brothers from Blue-Eyed Soul came home. Most times she was on guard because having heard it through the grapevine she could prepare beforehand; but then there were those all too frequent times when she wouldn’t know they’d come home until actually seeing one of them out somewhere and, it was a pretty safe bet that if one of them was there the other was not far behind. And guess which one she happened to see out today? Yes, that’s right, the one she truly did not want to see and, for the past twelve months, went out of her way doing almost anything imaginable just to avoid an accidental run in with at all cost. But fate just was not on Perri’s side today and it seemed that destiny was bound and determined to have her own way whether she liked the outcome or not—and she definitely did not like the way it seemed to be going down thus far. “Is he gone yet?” Perri asked, trying her level best to keep Imani content, at least until they were in a relatively safety zone. It was her feeding time and since Perri had her daughter on a set schedule, Imani was none too happy her mother hadn’t started nursing her yet; and Perri was feeling bad because she knew Imani was hungry and here she was trying to avoid what seemed to be the inevitable.

Journey overtly glanced in the opposite direction and back to the clothes rack she was pretending to browse through. “Not yet,” she discreetly whispered. Perri rolled her eyes irritated that she was being inconvenienced to such a ridiculous degree. “What is he doing, buying out the store? No, wait, let me guess; he’s probably trying to holler at some hoochies or something of that nature. Am I right?” Journey giggled and answered with a question. “Would it bother you if he were? “Yeah, right, Jern. Like I really care what he does or whom he does it with.” Lord, please forgive me for lie number one. “As long as he passes me right on by he can do whatever he wants.” Lord, please forgive me for lie number two. Perri absolutely refused to acknowledge the gnawing pain of jealousy currently stabbing at her heart concerning her first and only true love. “Perri Tania Milan,” Journey demanded, “who you trying to fool? You forget I know you; and I’m telling you right now, girl, it does bother you that the only love of your life is within walking distance of you and you can’t even parade your perfectly size three hour-glass shape by him with that eatyour-heart-out attitude.” “Whatever, Jern,” Perri said, irritated with her best friend’s misplaced loyalty. “Um-hmm, that’s exactly what I know,” Journey smirked. Unable to help it, Perri laughed out loud. “Just stay on your job and let me know when he leaves, Dr. Ruth.”

“Not to worry, Perri, your girl Journey is on it.” She glanced over her shoulder, her eyes widening as she moaned, “Oh, no.” “What?” Perri’s heart started hammering overtime in her chest. “What is it, Jern?” Even as she asked, “What’s going on?” her blood pressure shot through the roof. “Don’t get mad, honey,” Journey hesitated before saying, “but I don’t see him now.” “Girl, don’t play with me.” Perri anxiously watched her friend continue to look in each direction. Unable to wait another minute, she snapped, “Well, where is he?” “Don’t know. I don’t see him anywhere. I guess the coast is clear, so let’s make a run for it.” Perri seemed to be stuck like glue to that one spot, her legs wanting to run but her heart silently whispering to her to face her problem head-on. “Or maybe he’s lurking around the same vicinity, and that’s all I need is to run into him as I’m trying to make a clean escape,” she complained as Imani fidgeted in her arms, gnawing on her finger. “Well, standing here thinking of all the negatives won’t get you out of here any faster. I say we make a move while we can,” Journey insisted. “Easy for you to say; you’re not the one hiding out with a hungry baby.” “You’re right. But I do know my goddaughter, and if you don’t soon pop that tit in her mouth, she’s going to blow the cover on us all.” Journey chuckled. Perri strapped Imani back into her stroller. “Okay, Jern,

here’s what we’re going to do.” She stood up to her full fivesix inch frame like she was commander in chief of the CIA. “You take Imani with you and go out the side door in JC Penny; I’ll meet you at the car.” Giving Journey the keys, she said, “Make sure the car is running and ready to flee once I get in.” “And just what will you be doing while I’m busy stowing away your love child?” “I’m going to walk down in the direction you saw Barrington in.” “What if you see him or he sees you?” Perri shook her head and said, “Guess I’ll have to swallow my pride and acknowledge him.” Seeing the doubt in Journey’s eyes, Perri tossed her hands in the air. “What else can I do?” She patiently rocked her daughter’s stroller as she started to whine. “It doesn’t matter if Barrington sees me so long as he doesn’t see my baby.” “You mean y’all’s baby, don’t you?” “Jern, please,” Perri pleaded with her friend’s disapproving eyes. “I need you to help us. Just go ahead of me; I’ll be a few minutes behind you. We’re less likely to be noticed that way.” Journey quickly pushed Imani’s stroller toward JC Penny. Unfortunately, before she made it past Footlocker, at a snail’s pace, Perri watched horrified as her worst fear came true. Barrington came barreling out of Footlocker and ran slap-dab into Journey’s shoulder. Perri froze as the seams from her carefully orchestrated indirect lie unfolded

right before her eyes. “Pardon me,” Journey said without looking up, guilt and shame staining her cheeks. “No, excuse me,” Barrington insisted, “I’m at fault, not watching where I was going.” Imani really started to cry and Perri wanted to run to her daughter, but for the life of her, she could not make her feet uproot from that spot. “Looks like I upset your baby, I apologize for that,” Barrington said with genuine concern. “No, she’s fine; hungry but fine. I better get going so I can feed her,” Journey rushed the words out while trying to sidestep Barrington without him seeing the face that mirrored his own. Barrington smiled but made no attempt to step aside. He knew it was a sad and lonely day in his life when he asked a stranger, “You can’t feed your daughter in here?” Without waiting for an answer, he bent down tickling Imani underneath her chin. “She is beautiful.” Unawares to Barrington, Imani was a breastfed baby, so naturally she turned her head to the side, mouth open, latching onto his finger and ready to go to town on what she perceived was her favorite nursing nipple. It would have been funny had Perri not been so horrified by her daughter’s childlike behavior. Not that she could fault her since she was a child. “Whoa, little one,” Barrington said and laughed. “That’s not your bottle, Cupcake.”

Swallowing hard, Journey insisted, “We’ve got to go now.” Looking up, Barrington said, “Don’t I know you?” “Um, no you don’t,” Journey lied and despised her deceit. “Sorry, I really have to leave.” By that time Imani realized her mistake and made sure everyone within hearing range did, too, as she wailed her full disappointment immediately bringing Barrington’s full attention back to her. Without a second thought he undid the strap, picking her up and bringing her to his chest, where she instantly calmed down. Perri could see the horror on Journey’s face and she didn’t even want to imagine the look of her own. “Okay, little one; you’ll eat soon,” Barrington promised Imani. “Where’s her bottle?” Journey—a true sucker for emotional moments—now had a smile on her face. It dawned on Barrington who she was. “Journey Stillwater,” he announced with a big grin. “Huh?” “I knew you looked familiar, girl!” Unable to help himself, Barrington glanced around. He ignored the disappointment of not seeing the one woman his heart had never stopped loving. Bringing his attention back to Journey, he wanted to know, “Why did you deny it?” Coming back to reality, Journey caught her mistake and panicked. “Oh. Well, I um . . . well, see, I um . . .” “Oh I get it.” He chuckled.

“I seriously doubt it,” Journey mumbled under her breath. “You didn’t want Crush to know you had a baby.” “Say what now?” The only thing able to throw Journey off her game was the mention of that name. Ignoring the pain in her own heart, completely at a loss for words, Journey could only shake her head as she watched Perri heading toward them. “Journey, how is Perri doing?” “Perry?” Journey parroted not knowing what to say at this point. Barrington teased, “You know Perri, your other half. It’s been a minute since I’ve seen her around. Are you guys still backup dancing for the locals?” “Not so much anymore.” Barrington caught himself and grimaced. “Sorry.” He stroked the little bundle still resting content against his chest. “I guess you’ve kind of been slowed down a little, huh. When did you have a kid anyway? I didn’t even know you were pregnant.” “That’s because she wasn’t.” Joy flooded Barrington’s heart, knowing to whom that familiar voice belonged without looking. Turning, he looked down, connecting eyes with the woman who still had his heart. “Perri . . .” her name came out barely above a whisper. The woman still took his breath away and held the power to effectively render him speechless.

Why did he have to break them? Perri’s eyes narrowed at him even as tears stung the back of them. They would still be together if he had truly loved her the way he claimed; instead, he used her without pause or apology as he hit it and quit it. If she had meant anything to Barrington for real, she was certain they would be married, happy and in love, raising their beautiful daughter together. They could have been a real family all along. But he had to go breaking her heart. She gazed up at Barrington, fighting the urge to throw herself in his arms right along with Imani. “I’ll take her now,” Perri announced with a tone that left no room for protest. She reached for her daughter. “Please give her to me.” She wanted to look away as he stared down at her long and hard. The secret she fought so hard to keep had finally been discovered. It was ironic. Her heart ached but not because she’d been exposed. She was so ashamed of the part she played in making sure her secret never saw the light of day. She knew Barrington well; knew this kind of betrayal he could never forgive. It should have made her feel better knowing he’d want no part of her now. But she felt sick to her stomach, knowing she’d just broken his heart. For the moment it didn’t matter that he’d broken hers first. She could only watch as she saw joy, confusion, anger, hurt, and surprise knitting his eyebrows together. He had an expression of someone who walked up on a conversation, hearing just enough to catch his undivided attention, like he was trying to figure out if he heard what it sounded like he

heard. Perri couldn’t blame him. It hurt to see it. Barrington found it hard to breathe through the acute tightness in his chest, not wanting to believe the woman he loved was capable of such cold and calculated deception. He carefully brought the baby in his arms down and, for the first time, got a full view of her face.

Why the hell would she do that to me? He couldn’t believe he was looking into a pair of yellow eyes with green flecks in them that resembled his own. From there, he scanned every inch of her face, which was the spitting image of his own; for that matter so was every detail about her face. She had her mother’s brown hair, but where Perri’s was almost a golden brown, Imani’s was a light brown, straight and slightly curled at the ends, though he suspected hers would eventually turn to golden curls. The only visible difference about his baby was her skin, which looked almost an ivory shade where his own had a natural golden tan for a white man. He swallowed hard as tears stung the back of his eyes, and he struggled against the emotions warring within him, battling for control as he glared at the woman who had suddenly turned out to be a cold hearted and dangerous stranger. Barrington suddenly understood the thin line between love and hate, and how easily it would be to fall prey to committing a cowardly act of domestic violence. And if he had been less of a man, right now, his hands would be wrapped around Perri’s beautiful, flawless neck. Lucky for her his mama didn’t raise no damn fool because, God help

him that was her only saving grace right now. Jesus just saved your life, girl! How the hell could she be so damn cruel? Bringing his daughter back to rest at his chest, Barrington hugged her as every gamut of emotion filled him. For the second time in his life he was in love with an unforgettable female; one he had the joy of helping to create. Tears pricked the corner of Perri’s eyes, but she refused to cry. “I’ll take her, Barrington.” Yellow-green eyes met and held chocolate brown eyes. “Why. Didn’t. You. Tell. Me.” he ground out between clenched teeth, glaring at her dangerously. Barrington fought to remain in control of his temper, but knew he was close to losing his grip and going shell right there in the middle of the mall. The fact that he saw and felt that she was about to cry—and her pain was killing him—just pissed him off that much more. “That was not a rhetorical question, Perri,” he warned in a tone that sounded bitter to his own ears. Just damn her! “Answer me!” Mentally recounting how often she’d played out this scene in her mind’s eye, Perry had to admit his words weren’t cold like she’d imagined them to be. She understood she had broken him in a way he never considered her capable of doing to him. God, her heart hurt. She still loved him every bit as much as the day she first laid eyes on him. All the man wanted was the truth. She knew he deserved the truth; knew now how absolutely

wrong she had been not to tell him she was pregnant with his baby. If she could just go back and get it right. But she had nothing to offer him except, “You were on the road.” God, forgive me for lie number three. She felt scared and trapped by the hostile glare of his eyes that held her hostage. “And . . .?” Barrington desperately tried to restrain his rage. She’d better stop testing his emotions because he was most definitely not playing with her right now. Perri was exhausted from defeat. She had gambled and she had lost big time. “And—” “Answer me, Perri!” She involuntarily stepped back. Barrington regretted his tone. One thing she’d never been was scared of him. He wasn’t a bully. He was mad as hell at her, but he never wanted her to fear him. Even so, his manly pride would not allow him to back down. “Don’t yell at me, Barrington.” Resentment filled Perri’s heart. He was the one who left her stuck on stupid, making a fool out of her in the process. She should be yelling at him. But he was not worth the stress. Or pain. Sighing hard, he softened his tone, “You’re not in any position to be calling the shots, girl.” “You’re not my daddy, you know.” “I’m not your mama either, but you’re going to listen to me.” “Barrington, that’s my baby you’re holding and I want her back right now.”

“I believe she’s yours, Perri.” Barrington stepped into her face space and leaned close to her ear, “But I dare you to deny I’m your baby daddy.” Perri heard Journey snicker behind her and she wanted to shoot her a dirty look. However, her pride would not allow her to let her baby daddy intimidate her into an open confrontation with him. She crossed her arms, staring up at him defiantly. “Prove it.” “Are you kidding me right now, woman?” When she didn’t respond, Barrington carefully turned his daughter around to face her mother. “The proof is in our faces, baby.” He watched her unfold her arms and stare at him with open hostility. “I suggest—” “I didn’t want to ruin your career,” Perri blurted, knowing it was a lame excuse. “Don’t tell me what you thought, Perri. We both know that wouldn’t have mattered to me. That’s just the excuse that lets you sleep at night.” His tone was bitter now. “You’re wrong, Barrington.” Though hurt by his cold and harsh words, Perri did not blame him. She’d be bitter, too, if she were standing in his shoes right now. “There is no excuse—” “You’re damn right, Perri.” Her eyes narrowed, flashing anger at him. “Please watch your language around Imani.” Imani. Hearing his daughter’s name for the first time made him smile, his heart soft. “Imani,” he whispered for his daughter’s ears only. He rubbed her back and closed his

eyes, inhaling her baby scent. She was perfect. She was his. He was her Daddy. “Imani,” he said just because he could. He didn’t care about the lone tear sliding down his right cheek. In that moment, nothing mattered accept him and his baby girl. “Imani, Daddy’s got you,” he promised his precious daughter. “Daddy will never let you go, Imani; never that, Imani.” Perri felt like a home wrecker for interrupting what she knew was a serious bonding moment between father and daughter meeting for the very first time, to her shame, she knew. But she had to feed her daughter. “Imani really needs to eat now, Barrington.” Her heart ached and her arms itched to remove her baby from his already protective embrace. She couldn’t be mad at him for that. Imani had that effect on people. Disgusted at her unnecessary impatience, Barrington said, “I’ll feed her.” “You can’t.” “Like h . . .” Catching himself before he swore again, he said, “Where is her bottle?” “She doesn’t have one.” “Look, Perri,” Barrington warned, “I’m in no mood for games, especially not yours. Now pass me my daughter’s bottle so she can go ahead and eat. You’ve kept both of us waiting long enough. And if you knew she was hungry, you should have fed her instead of trying to pass her off as Journey’s kid just to avoid me and keep the truth from me that much longer.” The more he thought about that the more

pissed he became. “Not easy juggling a lie, is it?” Perri’s eyes narrowed. “You should know being the king of lies.” Good and pissed off herself, she was about to let it rip until she felt Journey touch her elbow, giving her a warning look not to press the matter right now. Barrington did his best to dismiss his anger for the moment. “Perri, her bottle; give it to me.” “There’s no bottle to give you,” she snapped back. “Look, I know about my daughter now, so you can cut the act.” He could almost see his hands squeezing her neck as it dawned on him why she was being difficult. “You don’t want to let me to feed her?” He didn’t bother to hide the pain in his voice or hurt in his eyes. Perri swallowed her anger and tried to explain, “It’s not that, Barrington. I’m telling you she does not have a bottle; you cannot feed her for that reason alone.” Frustrated, Barrington blew out a puff of air. “Perri, do you mean to stand there and tell me that knowing you were going to be going out for a minute, you didn’t bother to bring her milk?” He couldn’t believe her negligence. His daughter was clearly in the care of an unfit mental case. How else could she explain keeping Imani away from him? He had something for her though, because as soon as he was done feeding his daughter he was heading straight for his attorney’s office, demanding an emergency temporary custody hearing first thing in the morning. Let her try to sleep with that demon tormenting her tonight. She had to be damn bent.

“What is she supposed to eat while you’re out gallivanting about like a carefree teenager? Jesus, Perri, how irresponsible can you be?” “Don’t you dare question my motives toward my own child; I love my daughter. I would never neglect her as long as I have breath in my body.” “Yet here you stand without any food for her on hand. Maybe you’re the one who should be kept away from Imani.” “She does too have food,” Perri insisted, scared she may never comfort her baby again. Her arms ached to hold Imani as she struggled against the tears warring for release. “So you lied yet again. Just give me the bottle, Perri, because I’m losing patience with you.” “For the last time, I cannot give you the bottle, Barrington. You’re the one being difficult. Just give me my daughter so I can feed her,” Perri shouted not caring who heard her. And the only reason she had not cursed his butt slap out by now is because six months ago she’d gotten saved and she’d cut out cursing altogether. However, if Barrington didn’t stop tap dancing on her nerves she was going to break her vow, bless him out real good, and repent afterward. “Come on guys,” Journey intervened, “people are starting to stare. You both need to just calm down right now.” She turned to Barrington. “Let Perri have Imani so she can eat because she’s way past her feeding time.”

Seeing he was about to protest she added, “Barrington, there are some things only a mommy has the capability of doing.” Barrington opened his mouth then closed it when it dawned on him what Journey meant. Remembering how Imani had instantly turned her head to the side and latched onto his finger, he looked at Perri, seeing her in a new light. His anger at her was replaced by open admiration, mixed with a sense of possessive pride that his woman would do that for his child. “You breastfeed her?” he asked and smiled affectionately. Perri ignored the only smile powerful enough to render her legs weak. “Yes.” There he had stood outright accusing her of neglecting their child when she’d chosen to do the most natural and healthy thing by breastfeeding Imani. Barrington was pleasantly surprised, especially since Perri was only twenty-two now. He didn’t think anyone that young would even consider making such a sacrifice. Then again, Perri had never been vain; she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met inside and out. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” Barrington felt like a fool. “I didn’t know.” Perri’s heart melted. “It’s okay; you had no way of knowing, right?” Instead of responding, Barrington tenderly kissed Imani on the forehead. “Daddy will be right here when you finish

nursing, Cupcake,” he whispered in her ear and handed her to her mommy. Fresh tears filled Perri’s eyes; still she refused to let them fall, holding tight to her daughter. Barrington caught a glimpse of her glossy eyes. “Don’t worry, Perri, we’ll work it out.” Unable to speak, Perri nodded and headed for the nearest restroom to nurse their daughter.

CHAPTER SIX Continuing to watch long after they disappeared from his view, Barrington was in a state of shock to find out he had a beautiful daughter with the beautiful woman he’d never been able to forget. He’d tried over the past year or so to forget Perri, move on with his life. He really did. Being a musician on tour nine months out of the year, he’d definitely had plenty of opportunities to receive help in forgetting the unforgettable Perri Tania Milan. Seeing her only confirmed what his heart knew all along: Perri was made for him to love; he knew now he would always love her. Barrington recalled how happy and outspoken Perri had been back then. He’d never forgotten the day they admitted they were in love. It was the same night they became lovers. Perri was unsure of herself as a woman and yet she’d willingly entrusted her body in his care for safekeeping. He’d been so proud to be the first and only man she’d been with. Even before that he’d fallen for her hard. All too soon he was ready to make her a permanent part of his life; had even purchased an engagement ring, fully intent on asking her to be his wife. Though Barrington could hardly believe this watereddown version of the Perri he once knew, he couldn’t deny she was a different woman. The woman he knew her to be would never have deceived him, and certainly not this long. He was angry with her and probably would be for a long

time to come. But she was the mother of his only child and as much as he hated to admit it she’d done a decent job of taking care of Imani. It was clear she loved their daughter and from the possessive streak she displayed, Perri was not going to willingly share Imani’s love with him. As if it happened yesterday, the pain of Perri’s absence was fresh in his heart. On their last night together she was open and uninhibited with him. Just like that, it all changed. She changed and he had never been able to figure out what had caused her to give up on him. If only he understood what happened to make her stop wanting them maybe it would all make sense. She had once trusted him enough to give him her body. Why couldn’t she have been that trusting before she decided to end things? Instead, she cut him out of her life without talking to him first. He was convinced they could have worked through it, whatever it was, had she just come to him. Perri left him to wonder what had caused her to stop loving him. He tried filling the pain of her rejection with work and music and tours and, yes, women. Nothing worked then to replace the love he felt for her. Now here they were more than a year later, and she still had the effect of rendering him breathless just as she did the very first time he saw her. He wondered if it would ever stop hurting. He swore under his breath. He and Perri were a thing of the past along with all the hurt she caused him. Imani was his present not to mention his future. As his seed, she would be the one to carry on the Knight name; and he fully

intended on leaving her a legacy she would always be proud to claim. As her father, he owed her that. Being with his daughter here and now was all that mattered. His life would be entwined with Perri for one reason: to get to know his baby girl and for her to get to know him as her daddy. Her mother was just going to have to find a way to deal with it because she was done cheating him out of his rightful place in his daughter’s life. Perri was definitely different. To look at her you’d never know that she’d given birth. Barrington smiled, knowing she hadn’t just given birth to any baby; but to his baby. That made him feel proud inside like he’d accomplished a goal he didn’t even know he wanted to attempt; yet here he was feeling every bit the proud papa, his chest was stuck on swollen. Barrington recalled their last night together when he’d stupidly forgot to wear a condom. He was once again sorry he hadn’t been more careful where his sweet Perri was concerned. Mostly, he was just glad that she apparently didn’t blame him; more importantly, she didn’t hate him because of his selfishness. He felt sure that she knew it was not an intentional act on his part to ruin her young life. Then all too quickly, reality came rushing back and he longed to touch Perri; hold her in his arms that were made for only her. As much as he’d tried to forget her, Perri was in his blood. No other woman would be able to take her place because that residency would always belong to the only love of his life. It didn’t matter if she was in agreement or not. He was sure enough for the both of them.

He had to admit that being a well-known R&B artist did nothing to keep him from feeling lonely inside; like something important was missing in his life. Now that he thought about it, for the first time in a long time that empty feeling was not there. And since the only reason he came to the mall in the first place was so he wouldn’t have to think or feel for a little while, he could only contribute the fact that the void was finally filled to Perri and now Imani, too. The daughter they shared. The daughter he never knew he had until today. There was more than just an emotional bond between him and Perri. Now there was a physical bond between them; proof of their shared love for one another. Perri could act as cold as she wanted toward him. Barrington knew in her heart she still had mad love for him. He could feel it in his soul. Barrington had every intention of being an active father in his daughter’s life. And no matter how much Perri protested—because she absolutely would—he had no intention of letting her get away from him a second time. Especially not knowing what went wrong between them the first time when she, without a second thought, walked away from him. “Are you okay, all things considered?” Journey couldn’t help feeling sorry for Barrington. “Considering I just met my daughter?” he asked not sure what he felt. Forcing a smile he knew didn’t meet his eyes, he said, “Yeah, I’m fine.” The lie was to comfort her because he could see the guilt in her eyes tormenting her

for the part she played in Perri’s deceitful plan. There was no hope to comfort him, but knew he didn’t have time to feel sorry for himself now. Journey knew a lie when she heard one but decided not to call him to the carpet. She nodded. “How have they been, Journey?” he asked with a shrug. “You know, all things considered.” “They have been doing great considering Perri’s a single mom.” Journey raised her hand to his forthcoming comment, “And I know that’s not your fault; but you asked me how they were doing and that’s the only fair way I know to explain it. Perri’s great with her and Imani has almost everything she could want or need.” “Except knowledge of and access to her father,” Barrington stated matter of fact. “And don’t be trying to take up for Perri’s lack of consideration for me, because where my child is concerned almost doesn’t count. I’m surprised she can even sleep at night with all the dirt she’s done this past year.” Journey could understand his anger. But Perri was her best friend and she’d watched her go to hell and back because of loving this man. She wanted to tell him his hostility was uncalled for. Instead, she told him, “Perry can speak for herself; but I can tell you Imani’s not lacking in the love department.” “That makes Perri keeping me in the dark about Imani okay?” “Not okay, Barrington; but—”

“She was not going to tell me, Journey,” he angrily cut her off. “I realize she’s your friend. I respect that. But I don’t care what you say; you can defend her actions until the cows come home. Bottom line is this,” Barrington said. “There is no excuse for what she did to me and Imani.” He shook his head, feeling the hurt of Perri’s betrayal all over again. “So don’t expect me to stand here and agree that Imani’s not lacking in the love department when Perri didn’t even invite me to be part of her circle of love.” Journey’s heart went out to the man. “For what it’s worth; she did want to tell you.” “That’s not worth a good damn to me at the moment considering she never bothered to contact me. They got phones in every damn state, Journey; she could have taken five minutes to pick up one and call me.” The more Barrington thought about it the more pissed off he became at Perri all over again. He felt like making her hurt as much, if not more than she’d hurt him. And she need not think he’d forgotten how she just bounced out of his life as quick as she’d entered it; no way was he about to allow her to do the same thing to him with his daughter. Barrington refused to even let his mind take him back to that painful period of his life; this was a new day with a brand new chapter and he intended to write the ending he wanted. If Perri did not want to be part of that story that was her business; but he was not about to stand in the shadows and watch while she brought his daughter up as a single mom in a one parent household. It simply was not going to

happen. Not on his watch! “It’s been over a year and because of Perri’s selfishness I’ve missed the first precious months of my daughter’s life. Time I can’t get back; not to mention I was cheated out of the experience of witnessing her grand entrance into the world. All of us only get one physical birth. Perri made damn sure I missed out on seeing Imani’s” There was nothing Journey could say to that but she wished she could for Perri. Barrington smiled in spite of himself. “I bet my girl was a sight to behold.” Knowing he meant his daughter, Journey smiled and confirmed, “That she was.” “Were there any complications with her birth?” Barrington hated to ask because he should already know the answer. “Not one. She was a healthy and loud six pound five ounce, twenty-two inches long, bouncing baby girl.” They laughed. “That’s good.” Barrington watched a teenage couple walk past them, reminding him of what he had and lost. “What about Perri?” he asked but resented the fact that he cared to know. “Was she scared?” Journey chuckled. “I think her scare period was the first six months. By the last three months she was ready to, and I quote, ‘get this girl out of me’ end quote.” Barrington laughed out loud totally able to envision Perri saying that.

When Journey was able to stop laughing, she said, “Seriously, man, our girl did great. You’d have been proud of her, Barrington. You know Perri for all her talk, she didn’t complain once during the labor.” “No?” Now that Barrington had a hard time believing, especially after hearing his mother’s labor stories. “Un-hun. She got her release by squeezing the living daylights out of my hand.” Barrington chuckled. “Yeah, man; I’m telling you Perri had my hand numb.” She laughed, too. “I’ll tell you what though; as excited as she was no one would have known Perri was going through the whole birthing process as a single mom.” Journey smiled. “She loved Imani from the moment she knew she was carrying her.” Barrington nodded, feeling a wave of envy that Journey got to see it all and jealousy because he knew it should have been him in that labor room coaching Perri through every step in order to get their precious daughter here for both of them to share and enjoy the beauty and joy her life no doubt would bring to each of them. It should have been his hand Perri squeezed until it was numb. Forcing himself to remember that now he could create some beautiful memories of his own where his daughter was concerned, he swallowed his pride. “I feel you.” Barrington grew silent in thought. “If I’d only known . . .” he said to no one in particular. “And if you had, Barrington. Would things really be so

different now?” “I’d like to think so, Journey.” “But you don’t know for sure do you, Barrington?” “I guess not,” he answered honestly. “Everything happens for a reason.” Journey shrugged. “Maybe the real reason that brought you out to the mall today is the same reason that brought Perri here. Because it’s finally time for the two of you to come on one accord where Imani is concerned and raise your daughter together; even if it is in separate homes.” “Maybe,” was all Barrington offered as he compared this particular Perri to the former one he’d previously known; it blew his mind how she’d changed in a major way. “My baby’s different now,” he stated, unsure of how to approach her. “You’re always going to see Perri as yours, aren’t you?” “What do you think?” “That you two need to stop being so silly and have a serious one-on-one conversation.” “You know your girl’s too complicated to agree to a simple conversation with me.” “I won’t touch that one.” Journey raised her hands. “Why do you say she’s different now?” “You know what I mean, Journey. Before Perri would always pout if she didn’t get her way, but now . . .” he stopped not sure how to explain it. “What about now?” Journey encouraged Barrington to

finish his thoughts. He shrugged. “She’s seasoned now. More refined, I think is what I’m saying.” He thought a moment longer. “Or maybe I’m trying to say she’s too damn guarded. Oh, hell, I don’t know how to describe her now. She’s just different, you know.” Journey laughed. “Yeah, the Lord will do that for you.” “The Lord?” he repeated robotically. Her comment sank in and his mouth fell open. “You mean Perri’s . . . she’s religious now?” Laughing, Journey corrected, “No, not religious. Perri’s saved; about six months now. But that’s her testimony so I’ll let her tell it.” “Wow,” Barrington said. “A lot has happened since I last saw her then.” He wasn’t sure how he felt about Perri being a ‘church girl’ now. But he supposed as far as her being the mother of his only child, having Jesus was a good thing. It just wasn’t for him. Not that he couldn’t use some Jesus; according to his mother everyone needed him and that was the reason why folks have an empty void that can’t be filled unless it’s Jesus who fills it. Still, Barrington just was not at the point of surrendering his all to someone he could not even lay his eyes on. Regardless of his feelings he did want to hear Perri’s testimony. Who knows? Maybe it would help draw him in. Feeling the need to change the subject, Journey said, “How long have you guys been home and when are you going back on the road?”

Barrington chuckled. “We’ve been home for two days and we’re scheduled to leave two weeks from now; unless something comes up. You know how that goes.” He winked at her. “Since I know you’re dying to ask about Crush, I’ll just go ahead and tell you he’s good, too.” Journey sighed and rolled her eyes. “I’m not even sweating him. In fact, until you brought him up I hadn’t thought of him in God knows when,” she lied knowing she still had it bad for the only man she’d ever loved; but who refused to give his heart to any woman though he gave his body to many women. “If you say so,” Barrington said but his grin didn’t conceal his doubts. “I do say so; so there.” After a beat, Journey added, “I guess Crush’s out playing the field as we speak, huh?” Barrington laughed. “Do you honestly want me answer that?” Journey shrugged. “Journey, my brother’s not the cold hearted jerk you make him out to be.” “Whatever.” “For that matter, I’m not the uncaring and unfeeling jerk Perri seems to think I am, either.” “Whatever,” Perri said, rejoining them with Imani asleep and clinging to her much like a second skin. “You’re back,” Barrington said as he watched Perri carefully place Imani in her stroller. “I’ll strap her in since I can’t hold her again now that she’s asleep.”

Standing back with Journey watching Barrington with his daughter, Perri felt guilty for keeping him in the dark about Imani in the first place. He was so good with her; very tender and extremely caring. But the selfish part of her still didn’t fancy the idea that now she’d have to share Imani with Barrington. For thirteen months including the time she’d carried her in her womb it’d just been Imani and Perri, and she didn’t want that to change. She knew Imani deserved to know her daddy, but that didn’t make sharing her with him any easier to take. Placing a warm and tender kiss to Imani’s forehead, Barrington stood and just watched her for a few more minutes. “How old is she?” He felt silly having to ask. “Three months as of today.” Doing the math in his head, Barrington took a deep breath and blew it out in an attempt to calm his rising temper at the fact that Perri purposely kept his daughter a secret from him and his family this long. “So she was born March third.” There was an awkward silence between them. “You’re seriously going to make me ask for your number and permission to come visit my daughter later on this evening?” “This evening?” she repeated with a frown. “Yes, Perri, this evening; you’ve had Imani to yourself for the past year so I don’t see why you should have a problem giving me equal time, though I am new and apparently late to the equation thanks to you and your selfish attempt to claim her all for yourself,” he jumped down

her throat completely irritated and totally fed up with her self-righteous attitude. Perri knew Barrington had a right to feel what he felt; still her feelings were hurt that he thought so little of her. “That’s not fair, Barrington.” “Fair?” he spat the word like venom. “How fair was it of you to decide I didn’t need to be a part of my daughter’s life?” Staring at her coldly, he announced, “Trust me, Perri, you do not want to talk to me about fair right now. It won’t be a pretty or pleasant conversation I can assure you. And that’s your fault, too; for now I’m moving on. Now, about me visiting my daughter?” Perri swallowed back a curse and bit her tongue hard instead; counting to ten and reminding herself that old Perri was gone and she was now a new creature in Christ Jesus. “Just what time are you talking about this afternoon?” Barrington fought to control his urge to laugh out loud at her as he thought about how the old Perri would have responded; given another time period she’d have cursed him slap out. Maybe there was something to this Jesus thing. “I’m not sure that’s why I need your number.” Perri rattled off the ten digits as he stored them in his cell phone. “Do you really expect me to sit around the house waiting on you to call?” “Perri, please,” Barrington said and rolled his eyes. “I know you got a cell phone, though you didn’t bother to give me that number. If you don’t want to sit at home then give me a number where I can reach you so when I call—and I

will—we’ll go from there.” “Whatever,” she said and jotted down her cell number. “Thank you.” Barrington placed the paper in his pocket. “Does anyone besides you and Journey know I’m your baby daddy?” Perri and Journey laughed. “Take a good look at her,” Perri told him. Barrington did. “What you think?” Perri asked. “Good point,” Barrington said, grinning, “she looks just like me. I like her name, by the way. It fits her well.” Perri smiled. “I think so, too.” Looking back at Perri, he remarked, “Funny no one’s ever said a word to me about her. Our girl here I can understand since Journey was your friend first. But the others we hung out with, I don’t understand why none of them said a word.” “I don’t exactly hang out with the same crowd anymore mainly for that reason. I knew not one of them would waste any time informing you.” “I’m still amazed that you managed to duck everyone as long as you have.” “It was smooth sailing until Imani was born. Then I just stopped hanging out at the same spots and completely avoided anyone I knew that knew you with the exception of Journey.” “Of course,” Barrington said with obvious disgust for

her choice. “You two still thick as thieves, I see. No pun intended; although you did try to steal my right to know that I’m Imani’s father.” Perri frowned and rolled her eyes. “Are you going to keep throwing that up?” “I’m just saying, Perri. If I’d only known . . .” “What, Barrington? What would you really have done?” “You already know,” he accused. “I told you what I would do if we’d created another life that night. You know I would have been right there with you, girl.” He glared at her. “But since you didn’t believe I actually had a right to know without you being caught up in your web of deceit before you finally came clean with me; I guess now we’ll all three pay the cost and suffer because of your selfishness.” “You know what, Barrington? This is getting us absolutely nowhere; so I’m ending this conversation. If you want to see Imani later today, that’s fine. Just make sure you call at a decent hour to make arrangements.” “Fine,” Barrington agreed. “Fine,” Perri said matter of fact. “Okay, okay; break it up you two,” Journey intervened. “Barrington, it was good seeing you again; tell your brother I said hi.” She motioned with her right hand then turned to her best friend. “Perri, you ready to go?” “Let’s roll,” Perri said, already pushing her daughter’s stroller in the opposite direction. Barrington stepped into her path and leaned down eye level to Perri. “I meant what I said earlier, Perri. We’re

going to work this out together.” His eyes automatically went down to see his little girl sleeping like the beautiful angel she now was to him. Bending, he whispered in her ear, “Daddy will see you later, baby girl.” Fighting back tears of joy, he kissed her on the forehead and smiled. “Bye for now, Cupcake.”

CHAPTER SEVEN “Did you really have to be so mean, Perri?” Journey asked as soon as they were in the car. Perri frowned and rolled her eyes and complained, “Let me buckle my seatbelt before you bum-rush me.” She turned to look at Imani and smiled at her sleeping beauty. Her daughter truly did look as if Barrington spit her right out of his mouth. Why had she thought she would be able to pull the wool over anybody’s eyes, much less Barrington’s? She thought back trying to recall what her line of reasoning had been that she somehow fooled herself into thinking made sense enough for her to go through with her foolhardily, underdeveloped plan. She sighed heavily telling herself it was all water under the bridge now, so there was no point looking back, and returned her attention to her friend, who was still staring at her as if she were certifiable. “What, Jern?” “That’s all you can come up with?” Perri snorted. “I can say a whole lot of things; somehow I don’t think it would wipe that disappointed look out of your eyes, though.” “This isn’t about me; don’t make me your scapegoat.” “Am I really doing that?” Perri really wanted to know the truth. Journey sighed. “Honey, there are no quick fixes here. Do you think you were fair to him?”

“He caught me off guard,” Perri said in her own defense. “I know; doesn’t erase the truth that he had a right to know about Imani from the get-go.” “I know that now, Jern. But that’s not the point right now.” “That’s subject to whose point of view you’re speaking from.” Journey could see her friend was hurting. She sighed. “Okay, Perri, exactly what is the point to you?” “That I’m Imani’s mommy and I don’t plan on letting Barrington come between us.” “The man only wants a chance to spend some much needed quality time with his only child.” “How do you know she’s his only child?” Perri couldn’t deny the jealousy that seeped into her heart at the thought of another woman sharing an intimate bond of a child with Barrington. “Come on, Perri, of course she’s his only child. Even if she’s not that has no bearing on him seeing Imani.” “It does if she has to take a backseat to all his other important priorities.” Journey had to laugh. “Girl, you’re reaching for straws and you know it.” “I know no such thing,” Perri easily denied. “You do, too; and for that you are completely wrong on so many levels. Do you hear me?” “Whatever.”

“Don’t whatever me. You know what I’m saying is true.” “Either way, it’s neither here nor there since he’ll probably be leaving within the week, so it won’t matter in the long run, anyway.” “I’m sure you would love that, Perri. However, he’s leaving in two weeks, which is still plenty of time for him and you to spend time with Imani together.” Perri could just about hear the wheels turning in her friend’s mind. “Oh, no, Journey Décor Stillwater; there is no him and me. This is not even about me, so don’t you even try to take this conversation in that direction.” “No, it’s not about you,” Journey agreed. “It’s all about Imani and what is best for her, which would be for her parents’ to get along if only for her sake. Because like it or not, the two of you are going to be part of the other’s life for the next eighteen plus years.” “Oh, joy, joy.” Journey chuckled. “You can waste time being sarcastic if you want to, Perri. The bottom line remains the same; Imani needs both of her parents in her life on a full-time basis.” “You just proved my point. How much time can Barrington really devote to Imani when he’s on the road most of the year? A musician’s life is never completely his own, and don’t pretend that this is the exception to the rule because we both know better.” “Granted, Perri, maybe he can’t be here full-time; I’ll give you that. But we don’t know what Barrington plans to

do on that front yet. As long as he’s consistent with the time he does have to spend with Imani,” Journey shrugged, “why should you object?” “Simply because Imani is a helpless child; the only schedule that she cares about is her feeding time. Beyond that the way kids spell love is: T-I-M-E. An abundance of time Barrington does not have to offer my baby, and I will not watch her be shortchanged; my daughter’s not going to be the baby girl in a country song.” Journey rolled her eyes. “Is that what you believe, Perri, or the way you want it to be?” Ignoring her comment, Perri said, “Journey, life is all about making choices and we each do our own choosing. Barrington is one of the nation’s hottest R&B singers in one of the top ten bands around; he loves what he does and he’s happy doing it. He made a choice to become a singer and now he’s getting to live out the life he chose for himself. He’s golden right now.” “Who’s to say he can’t change his mind? How do you know he’s really happy now?” “I didn’t see any sad lines etched across his face. Well, except for when he realized I’d purposely hidden the truth about Imani. At any rate, Barrington is in the prime of his career. How many twenty-seven year olds do you know getting to live out their lifelong dream at such a young and tender age? In that sense, Barrington is the exception to the rule; it’s not an easy feat for a white person to land on the R&B charts and make a permanent mark in a genre that

even a lot of black people don’t get a shot at. It would be career suicide for him to walk away from the music industry now. He and Crush have rightfully earned a solid foundation with their soulful music. I will not be the one to take him away from his dream. It wouldn’t be right. I was there the first time he heard his song on the radio.” Perri laughed as tears welled up in her eyes at the memory. “My man made his dream come true, so I’m sure he’s happy doing what he does since he’s always wanted to do it. It wouldn’t be right step in between that. I love him too much to be the reason he walked away from the only life he’s ever wanted to live. Music is his heart, Jern,” Perri stated totally convinced she had his number. The more she thought about it the more she was sure the situation would remain in her favor. “Girl, that’s Hallmark beautiful,” Journey said with a hand over her heart. Perri burst out laughing. “You are not a well woman.” Journey smirked. “I’m well enough to see you’re still in love with that man. And you said it.” “Jern, Barrington is my first in every sense; of course I still love him. I didn’t say I was still in love with him.” “I don’t care what your mouth says. Your eyes tell me the truth.” “Jern, you’re comfortable living in your bubble. Out of love, I tell you that you see what you want to see; you always have.” “Oh, whatever,” Journey rolled her eyes and laughed. “I

see the writing on the wall.” “Make your point, sister.” “In this life not everything is always as it seems. All I’m saying, Perri, is that Barrington’s life might not be as cut and dried as you see it. Maybe just maybe he is the exception to the rule.” Journey made some valid points, but it was still hard for Perri to imagine Barrington living a life that he didn’t choose to live. For as long as she had known him he’d always been sure of what he wanted and knew just what he had to do in order to achieve it. To see him any other way was like humanly impossible. She did try to imagine it as they rode the rest of the way in silence. *** After dropping Journey off at home and taking Imani to spend some time with her grandmother, Perri drove around aimlessly for hours just to find herself at her late parents’ home. The house was left to Perri and her two sisters after their parents John and Mary Milan were killed in an automobile accident when the girls were between the ages of ten and twelve. Their grandmother Mattie Milan held onto the house as a keepsake for the girls until they were of age for the three of them together to decide if or when they’d ever place the house on the market for a potential buyer. To all three sisters the house had sentimental value as well as memories they’d collected along the way, so they

unanimously decided to keep it in the family; they each took turns keeping it clean and tidy. They have been known to let family members, friends as well as strangers who were temporarily down and out stay there rent free. Their parents had been missionaries, who had sacrificed the comfort of their own lives in a nanoo second for the call of duty, and they grew up seeing them share whatever they had with those less fortunate, so the girls knew they would want them to continue the family tradition in their memory. The Milan house was also a safe haven when any one of the three sisters just needed to get away from everything and everyone, save each other. And after the eventful day that Perri had just had, home is where her heart and mind needed to be in order to get her bearings and cleanse her soul of painful past memories involving her and the only man she had ever loved. A man who was also the father of the greatest gift she’d ever been given in her life. Shaking off the dust from the past, Perri entered her childhood home, hoping to come away with a whole new outlook on the sticky situation with Barrington Knight. At some point later, Hunter came in and, sensing something was out of sorts with her sister, sat with her and listened to the whole ordeal Perri had just gone through. All Perri wanted was someone with an objective ear to listen. “Let me get this straight,” Hunter Milan Vandross started, “Barrington is back in town, knows about Imani, and wants to step up to the plate taking responsibility for his daughter . . .” Stopping mid-sentence, her clear blue

eyes zeroed in on her sister closely. “Have I covered everything?” she asked in an exaggerated tone. “And you won’t allow him to do what he was supposed to have been doing all along?” Shaking her head disdainfully, Hunter swore, “I just don’t understand you, Perri. The man wants to be a father—” “Says he does anyway,” Perri interjected. “Well, the man is still here, Perri. This means he definitely intends to be part of Imani’s life.” Fisting her hips with both hands, she demanded, “Why are you trying to stand in the way?” Perri glared at her sister. “You know you may be the oldest but that doesn’t make you the wisest. Bottom line: this is none of your, Hunter; so why you all up in my life without an invite?” “Imani is my niece; you’re my sister. It’s called family, Perri. That makes it my business, especially when I see you make a plum mess out of your life for no good reason at all.” Hunter glared at her little sister just as hard. “Whatever,” Perri said, not trying to hear all that nonsense. “You know what? This is just about your pride.” Pointing her right index finger, Hunter stated, “You’re still hurt because of the way things went down with you and Barrington before; that I can well understand considering your take on the situation. But, Perri, now you have Imani to consider. This is no longer about you and you need to figure out an amicable way to live with the fact that

Barrington has just as much right to be involved in the life of the daughter the two of you share as you do.” “Hunter, how about you take care of your home and stay out of mine! I neither asked for nor need your selfrighteous input.” “No, Perri, you didn’t ask because you’re too stubborn. But little sister, you definitely need it. And that’s real!” “Whatever, Hunter,” Perri shouted and mentally kicked herself for telling her sister her business. “Okay, okay, you two,” Tyler Milan ordered after she let herself in unnoticed. “Both of you calm down and get back to your respective corners.” She frowned looking from one sister to the other and demanded, “What is going on up in here? I can hear you two all the way at the end of the driveway,” she said disappointed in her two favorite sisters for fighting with each other. They rarely did that unless something seriously on a major tip was going on. “Ask your bullheaded sister,” Hunter said on her way to the kitchen. Tyler turned her attention to Perri. “Well?” “Well what?” Perri snapped, rolling her eyes. “Hunter’s just interfering in my life as usual.” “About?” Tyler refused to let it go. “Because judging from the shouting match you two were having up in here it’s not just some little insignificant quarrel between siblings,” she surmised. “Just forget it, Tyler. I don’t feel like rehashing this again,” Perri dismissed her.

“Because she’s too stubborn,” Hunter called from the kitchen. “And you’re just too nosey for your own good,” Perri retorted. “Um, because I can see you’re really upset and trying your best not to cry, Perri, I’ll let it go for now,” Tyler conceded. “But I do intend to get to the bottom of this before any of us leaves this house,” she said loud enough for Hunter to hear. “I couldn’t agree more,” Hunter said. “I’m with you on this, Tyler. Finally, there is someone else in here with a little common sense.” Perri glared toward the kitchen. “Are you calling me stupid, Hunter?” “Perri—” “Where is my niece?” Tyler cut in as she rubbed her hands together and smiled ready to play. “She should be with her father right about now,” Hunter informed Tyler, “but Miss stubborn pants over yonder refuses to let him see her.” Perri snorted. “Hunter, now you just flat out lying; nobody refused to let anybody see anybody.” Looking at their little sister, she complained, “Do you see what I mean? She just doesn’t know when to quit.” Instead of taking sides Tyler asked, “What does she mean?” Smacking her lips, Perri said, “I guess you going to find out soon enough, so you might as well get the real story,”

she said loud enough for Hunter to hear. “Ha, ha, ha,” Hunter scoffed. “Depends on whose eyes you’re looking through,” she remarked to no one in particular. Ignoring her, Perri turned her attention to Tyler. “I ran into Barrington.” Tyler’s light gray eyes got big as two quarters. “Ooh.” She covered her mouth, falling into the chair behind her the way she did when a dirty secret was being revealed on As The World Turns. “No you didn’t.” Amused and amazed at her sister’s animated dramatics Perri laughed and nodded. “It’s true, little sister. Barrington knows about Imani.” “Wow,” Tyler said to no one in particular. “You can say that again.” Dazed, Tyler remarked, “Now I know what all the fuss was about.” She locked eyes with her sister and asked, “How did he react?” “Humph,” Perri scoffed. “He was hurt. Wanted to know why I kept him in the dark.” “And you said?” “What could I say? Other than I didn’t want to mess up his career.” Hunter came back into the living room holding a glass of iced tea. “Which was a bold-face lie,” she announced, plopping down on the sofa, tucking her legs under her. “This was about your selfishness and need to control every

situation in which there is a potential for you to get hurt,” she accused. “Hunter, I’m talking to Tyler now.” Perri glared at her. “And you are working my last nerve with severity, girl.” “Good! Maybe now you won’t have the nerve to continue trying to keep that man from seeing his own child,” Hunter retorted. “So um,” Tyler intervened, “what are you going to do, Perri?” Wordlessly Perri shrugged. “You know what she needs to do, right?” “Hunter, please, okay,” Tyler shot her older sister a warning look. “What, Tyler? The man has s right to see his child,” Hunter insisted. “No one’s arguing that point. All I’m saying is Perri has a right to decide when and where that happens, considering she’s the only parent Imani knows.” Tyler shook her head. “It’s going to take time for all of them to adjust. You can’t just expect Perri to send her daughter off—” “She’s his daughter, too,” Hunter was quick to remind her. “Yes she is, Hunter. That’s not going to change just because Barrington has to wait a little while longer.” Tyler shrugged unsure herself. “Give the situation time for everyone to adjust to it. For myself, I know I’d worry about Imani, not knowing his people and how they are, so I can only imagine how Perri must be feeling. She is her mother

and the one who has been with Imani the longest.” “That’s not Barrington’s fault,” Hunter said in his defense. “Perri created this situation with her outright dishonesty.” “And you feel the need to throw this in her face because what?” Tyler wanted to know. “Should she be condemned the rest of her life because she made a onetime past mistake? If anybody else treated her like you’re doing and said the things you’re saying to her you’d be all up in their face ready to take them out.” “I’m not anybody else, Tyler. Hunter shook her head strongly disagreeing. “As Perri’s sister I’m not afraid to tell her the truth.” Tyler sighed long and hard. “She made a mistake, Hunter. Cut her some slack.” “A mistake is accidently picking up the wrong cat food, Tyler. Per her usual, Perri made a judgmental call without giving thought to anyone else’s feelings.” “Hunter, that’s not fair. You know Perri has one of the kindest hearts you’re ever going to meet,” Tyler said defensively. “Yes, Tyler,” Hunter agreed. “When she’s not being selfrighteous Perris does have a heart of gold. Still the fact is she should have told Barrington she pregnant and then, on his own accord, allowed him to choose what side he was going to come down on.” Seeing the hurt and tears in both her sister’s eyes, she softened her tone. “Look, Perri, you know I love you and I will always be down for you. But right

is right and wrong is wrong. And you were dead wrong not to tell Barrington about Imani.” “Hunter, please,” Tyler said exasperated. Perri shook her head. “No, Tyler, it’s okay. Hunter is right. I should have told Barrington. I know I was wrong not to.” Hunter reached for her hand giving it a light squeeze. Perri smiled weakly. “But . . . .” she started then stopped. Taking her other hand, Tyler inquired softly, “But what, baby?” “I’m scared,” Perri confessed as tears rolled down her face. “Scared of what, honey?” Hunter wanted to know. “Losing my daughter to the father she never knew.” She sniffed. “Because of me I could lose the leading role in my child’s life,” Perri said around a sob. Both Hunter and Tyler had tears in their eyes. “You’re not going to lose Imani’s love,” Tyler assured her. “Yeah, like we’d ever let that happen. You know the Milan sisters are a force to reckon with,” Hunter added. In spite of her gloom mood, Perri laughed. “Thanks for being here for me, you guys.” “Where else would we be?” Hunter asked. “Yeah,” Tyler said, “what are best sisters for?” They all shared a laugh engaging in a group hug. “I guess I better get going.” “No,” Tyler protested. “It’s too soon. I just got here.”

“I know, sweetie; but I left Imani with Madear, so I really need to get over there and pick her up. Speaking of which, can you guys please do me a favor?” “Anything,” Tyler said, “you know that.” “Within reason,” Hunter interjected. Not trying to go there with Hunter again, Perri simple said, “Can you please let me tell Madear about this in my own time? No sense in getting her all stirred up about this until I have concrete answers to give her.” “I agree. My lips are sealed,” Tyler promised. They looked at Hunter knowing she would not go along so easily. She believed in getting everything out in the open. “Personally, I don’t agree. However, I will respect your decision, Perri. Just don’t wait too long to bring Madear up to date on the situation. As much as she likes to visit with Imani, there is bound to be a conflict when Barrington may request to see her, too.” “I won’t. Thank you both.” Perri stood and glanced at her watch. “Besides, Barrington is supposed to call to set up a time to visit with Imani this afternoon.” “Oh,” Tyler said, biting her lower lip. “Is that good or bad?” she wondered. Hunter spoke up. “It’s a good thing. Right, Perri?” Perri laughed. “You just don’t give up, girl.” “And you know this.” Hunter and Tyler laughed. Perris shook her head at her beautiful sisters. “You are

not well, Hunter. To answer your question, Tyler, yeah, it is a good thing.” She paused thoughtfully. “I won’t keep Barrington from seeing Imani.” She grinned. “Does that please you, big sis?” “More than you know, Perri. It’s for the best. You’ll see,” Hunter promised. “And you, Perri?” Tyler wanted to know. “How do you fit into the equation?” “In the past,” she told them. “I’m not going back there with Barrington again. I cannot handle that kind of pain and heartbreak a second time.” “I feel you,” Tyler said. Taking a deep cleansing breath, Perri hugged and kissed her sisters. “I love you guys. Talk to y’all later.” “Count on it. And I love you, too,” Hunter said returning her hug and kiss. “I love you, Perri, and I’m always on your side. Remember that. I’ll call you later,” Tyler said and walked her to the door. “Talk to you then, sweetie.” Perri disappeared out the door.

CHAPTER EIGHT Barrington flipped through the photo album looking at pictures of him and Perri at a time in their lives when both were happy just to be in the presence of the other.

What the hell happened? The moment he watched Perri wheel Imani away at the mall, he’d replayed their history together, trying to make sense of the times they once shared. No matter how his mind spent the situation it only led to confusion when he recalled their last night together, when apparently, their daughter had been conceived. He had noticed that she kept insinuating that he’d just up and left her, making it sound like all he did was use her body for his own personal pleasure. That was so far from the truth he couldn’t even begin to wrap his mind around how she could have believed it in the first place. The first time he met Perri he had known she was different from other females even before he ever talked to her. She was innocent and sexy all rolled up into one. The woman made him feel things he’d never before felt and that had him wanting to honestly get to know her, all about her likes, dislikes; what made her mad, what made her smile. He remembered wanting to know it all and at the time he hadn’t even kissed her yet. His daddy had always told him and his brother one day a woman would come along and they would want to court her the old fashioned way. Of course neither he nor Crush had been trying to hear

that nonsense back then. Barrington had never courted any woman in his life, didn’t want to. Until he met Perri and from the first look at her, before he was ready to admit it, he knew he was going to court her the old fashioned way, just like his daddy had predicted he would someday. They became fast friends, and over the course of the first year, they became strictly best friends. Confiding in one another came natural and they knew things about each other they would take to the grave. They got on each other’s nerves at times and sometimes he wanted to choke the daylights out of her because she had such a smart mouth. But they got each other and they always had each other’s back. He knew with her he could always be himself. Then one day, together, they made a mutual decision that they needed more from each other. While that should have probably scared him, he embraced the idea with open arms, heart, and mind. For the next year and a half, Barrington did just that and he began to court Perri. Not one time did he pressure her for more and though he was highly sexually attracted to her, he refused to press her for more than the heavy petting they did. He was sure Perri thought that he was sleeping around while on the road, but it wasn’t true. Sure, he went out with a few women here and there, but he did not sleep with them, not that he hadn’t been tempted to cave in to his carnal urges. That’s when he would force his mind to think about Perri and what she meant to him and if he really thought losing her was worth free tail from just about any female he

continued to meet and greet. It wasn’t worth it to him to risk losing his sweet Perri over. Perri was the real deal and Barrington’s fate had been sealed the moment he met her. After that he stopped going out with other women, period and became married to his job instead. He and Perri had been dating exclusively ever since then. It wasn’t easy maintaining a long distance relationship, but he was determined to do it, flying Perri out to some of their concerts and spending all his time with her when he was back home, sometimes with her staying overnight in his guest bedroom or him staying overnight in her guest bedroom. But for some reason Barrington never could understand, Perri had never cared too much for his housekeeper and not wanting to fight about it, he mostly stayed over at her place when he wasn’t on the road. They both put forth the extra effort to make it work. Everything was golden between them up until that first and last night they spent together when he had to leave town on the spur of the moment. That was the day Perri gave him her virginity. It was also the last time he saw her before today at the mall.

Why the hell didn’t he just wake Perri up before he left town that night? Every fiber in his being wished he could turn back the hands of time. On the other hand, his mind played devil’s advocate, why the hell didn’t she accept my phone calls? Wondering that just pissed him off. It just didn’t make any sense to him. Barrington ran his finger over a photo of Perri

pouting because he had to go out of town on the spur of the moment. He had to laugh remembering how he had to win her two stuffed animals and buy her three funnel cakes at Carrowinds before she would let him off the hook for promising to spend the entire weekend with her without any interruptions. She didn’t know it, but he would have done anything not to have been the one responsible for that sad look in her eyes.

Was that why she just cut all ties with him? Had it really been about his music career? He suddenly resented his chosen career field. The regret only lasted a minute or two before he reminded himself that Perri was his biggest supporter and best friend, so her pulling away from him really couldn’t have had anything to do with his musical career. “Sir, will you need me anymore this evening?” Nia Eusebio, his housekeeper asked in her Puerto Rican accent. Barrington laid the photo album to the side and stood. “No, Nia, you may go on home now. He forced a courtesy smile for the sake of the attractive Latino woman, whom he knew, as always was going out of her way to show concern for his well-being. “Thank you for asking, though.” Nia smiled at her boss affectionately. If Barrington noticed her personal attraction to him he didn’t let on. “I assure you it is my pleasure, sir.” Barrington laughed out loud, glad for the humorous

distraction from the current chaos his life had become. It suddenly occurred to him that he hadn’t yet paid Nia and apologized to her. “Please forgive my oversight,” he said, embarrassed as he reached into his wallet and pulled out three crisp one hundred dollar bills. In light of the news he’d received earlier, he’d totally forgotten that he still needed to cut his housekeeper a payroll check. “I hope cash is all right this time. I forgot to—” “Cash is fine, sir,” Nia interjected, not wanting him to stress out on her account. The truth is, she longed to be the woman to stroke his stress away as she secretly wished that he were her payment for the evening. Feeling heat infuse her cheeks and needing to temporarily avert her heated gaze she glanced over to the photo album on the sofa, revealing pictures of that woman. So her boss was still hung up on Perri? A root of bitterness quickly sprang up in her heart. What was the stronghold she held over him, anyway? “Nia, are you all right?” Barrington called out to her a second time, still holding the bills out to her, not missing the fact that she’d been focused on what he was doing before she came into the living room. “Yes, sir,” Nia said, embarrassed that she hadn’t heard him the first time. “Sir, please forgive me for my lack of focus.” “It’s all right, Nia,” Barrington assured her. “However, it is getting late and I don’t want you out wandering around at night by yourself, so I’ll have Charlucchi drive you home if

that’s okay with you.” Nia smiled her appreciation, touched by his thoughtfulness. He does care about me. “That would be lovely, Sir. Thank you.” She accepted the money, briefly touching his outstretched hand. “As always, Nia, I want to thank you for a job well done.” Barrington couldn’t help feeling sorry for her, knowing that she didn’t have any family in the States to speak of. He knew she was only a few years older than he was which would make her about twenty-eight; he thought it an utter shame that someone hadn’t snagged her up yet. It certainly wasn’t because of looks, because she was beautiful in an exotic way. And her accent alone would drive most men wild beyond taming. “Nia, do you have a boyfriend?” He knew he was prying, but he couldn’t help but think what a cute couple she and his cousin Kane would make. Nia lit up like a Christmas tree, “No, sir, not at all. This was it! He was going to ask her out! “Why do you ask?” she couldn’t wait to go out with him. “I know this is none of my business, Nia, so tell me to butt out anytime. But I have a cousin I’d like to introduce you to. I mean, if you’d be interested in meeting him, that is.” Nia fought to keep an unreadable look in her eyes along with a fake smile plastered on her lips. “That’s very kind of you, sir.” “But?” he asked, hearing the reservation in her tone. Nia simply shook her head in response.

Barrington nodded and smiled. “But you’d rather find your own man.” “You can say something like that,” she said. She was uncomfortable with him playing matchmaker. “I understand, Nia. But you know what? Maybe he’s already looking for you.” Nia couldn’t help smiling at him affectionately.”I hope so, sir. I hope so.” An idea occurred to Barrington. “Nia, it’s been awhile since you had a vacation, hasn’t it?” “I suppose so, but I’m okay with that.” He just couldn’t

send her away. “Point is you shouldn’t have to be okay with it.” Barrington pulled out several hundred more dollars from his wallet. “I want you to take the next two weeks off and go on a long overdue vacation, Nia. Go somewhere warm and fun. Perhaps even a trip back home,” he suggested, handing her the additional bills. “Sir, that really is not necessary. I’m fine with my life the way it is. Really I am.” Barrington shook his head firmly, his mind made up. “I insist, Nia.” “Yes, sir,” Nia simply said, accepting the money as she swallowed her pride and disappointment. “Thank you, sir.” “You’re very welcome, Nia.” Barrington was glad he could do something good for someone since he couldn’t seem to make heads or tails where Perri, the true love of his life was concerned.

CHAPTER NINE Barrington had been behind the wheel for the last few hours with no distinct destination in mind until he found himself exiting his car at his parents’ home; he knew his mind had taken temporary leave of absence because he was clueless to the fact that he’d even been driving in that direction, and couldn’t recall even turning into their driveway. He needed more time to talk to Perri to at least try to understand was going through her head when she decided he shouldn’t be involved in his own child’s life. He knew he should have called Perri by now, but realizing he was still angry with her, he thought it wise to wait until he was somewhat calmer; not that she would be looking forward to him calling, anyway, and that truth alone bothered the hell out of him. Mine, he thought. Perri would always be his in his heart regardless if she liked it or not. His family was seated at the dining room table eating supper when he came through the back door and, plastering on his game face, he tried to appear normal having decided not to mention the Perri and Imani situation even though it was still weighing heavily on his mind. As it was, he and Crush didn’t put in as much family time as his mother expected, so he would be a good son and give her his full attention today knowing that after his visit with his daughter this evening all his free time would be spent getting to know Imani. He sighed, hoping that time would include Perri.

“Hey, Barry,” Linda Knight lit up at the sight of her handsome older son. “Hey, Ma,” Barrington strained a smile for the sake of his dear mom. “About time you showed your face around here,” Crush said, biting into another chicken leg; probably his fourth piece knowing his brother. “Good of you to grace us with your presence, son,” Bobby said with a perceptive look. Barrington attempted to laugh it off, knowing he must be wearing his feelings on his face despite his best effort to pull the wool over his parents’ eyes. At this rate, he’d be busting his guts open and spilling all his newly found knowledge before even he had a chance to process it all internally. Not that he’d ever understand Perri. “I was just thinking the same thing, Daddy.” “Of course you were,” Bobby said, “you are your father’s son.” “Indeed.” Barrington reached for a piece of chicken, unable to resist the smell any longer. Linda smacked his hand away. “Not until you wash your hands, boy.” Crush laughed out loud. “Man, you know the rules when you walk up in here.” Barrington did know, but house rules were the last thing on his mind. He walked over to the sink, washed his hands, returned to the table, and grabbed a breast. Thinking of Perri, he placed it on his plate and grabbed a thigh. Having

a naughty flashback of Perri, he put that on his plate and grabbed a wing, biting into it hard. He was so out of it he wasn’t even aware his family was staring at him until he finally tore his gaze from the wing he’d just demolished in three bites. “What?”Barrington said, annoyed that all eyes were on him. Crush was the first to respond with a chuckle that quickly erupted into a full belly laugh when Barrington shot him the evil eye. “Son, you think you got enough food there? If not, I got a spare drumstick.” “Hush, Bobby,” Linda scolded her husband. “If he’s hungry he’s hungry.” She fixed her seasoned motherly gaze on Barrington. “Baby, what kind of eating regimen have you boys developed on the road? You are getting enough to eat, aren’t you?” “Ma,” Crush spoke up, “there’s nothing wrong with my eating habits. I eat all the time.” “I know you do,” Bobby said, chuckling. “Barrington?” Linda continued to address her eldest son. Dropping the bone on his plate, Barrington pushed it away. “We eat healthy. I’m good, Ma.” “Oh?” She folded her arms. “First, you come in reaching for food before you wash your hands, then you grab enough chicken to feed Brazil, not to mention the fact you didn’t bother to come hug and kiss your only mother.

But I’m supposed to believe that you’re fine. Baby, what’s bothering you, and don’t you dare lie to me by denying it,” Linda warned. “Forgive me, Ma.” Barrington sighed heavily and got up to go hug his mom around the neck and plant a big kiss on her cheek. “Better? Still love me?” “Don’t be fresh with me, boy. I raised you and I know you not fine. Now out with it, Barry.” For the first time, Crush took notice of the somber look on his brother’s face. “What’s up, B?” Bobby said, “Suppose you tell us what’s going on, son.” Barrington complained, “Family,” and dropped in his seat. “Is everything,” Linda told him. “Now, what is wrong with you, boy?” “Yeah, okay. I do need to tell you guys something; something I just found out today.” He watched his family exchange curious glances and decided to just spit it out. “I’m a daddy.” “What?” his family all asked at once. “I have a daughter. A three month old daughter,” Barrington said, feeling proud. Crush wanted to know, “Who’s her mama?” “Why are you just now finding this out?” Linda demanded. “I have a granddaughter?” Bobby didn’t bother to hide his pleasure.

“Yeah, Daddy, you do.” Barrington grinned. “She’s beautiful,” he bragged. “Of course she is. She’s your mother’s granddaughter, isn’t she?” “Bobby, what are you saying?” Linda was shocked at her husband’s nonchalant reaction. “I’m congratulating our son on becoming a father, and I believe you should do the same.” “And I think you need to hold off on your victory party.” She turned her attention back to her son. “Let me tell you something right quick; I don’t share your father’s opinion. I want answers!” “Who did you knock up?” Crush asked again. “I’m on the road with you nine months out of a year. To my knowledge you’ve only been serious about one girl, and that was over—” “A year and a half ago,” Barrington finished for him. “I know, Crush. I know.” Crush was shocked. “It can’t be.” “It is.” “You mean Journey’s friend?” Crush let out a low whistle thankful he wasn’t standing his brother’s shoes; and he knew where Journey Stillwater was concerned he very well could have been wearing those exact same shoes. That was a secret he would carry to his grave. Not even Barrington knew about it, and he told his brother everything. He knew he could trust him not to tell anyone; he just hadn’t been willing to put Journey out there like that, not wanting

anyone to look at her differently, or cast blame her way, because he was every bit as much responsible. “The one and only, little brother,” Barrington confirmed. “You and Perri Milan have a baby together,” Crush mused, dismissing a slight wave of envy. “A beautiful little girl, man,” Barrington was back to grinning again. “Damn.” “Watch your mouth, boy!” Linda scolded. “Sorry, Ma,” Crush apologized. “But this is one h . . . er . . . a shock.” “Yeah, well you still know there’s no cursing in this house,” Bobby said. “Yes, sir, I’m sorry, Daddy.” “Apology accepted, baby,” Linda said, followed by a longsuffering sigh. “So, Crush, can I assume you’ve met the mother of our granddaughter?” “Yeah, Ma, I have.” Clearly hoping for more details, Linda probed, “And?” Crush hunched his shoulders. “Her name is Perri.” Linda narrowed her yellow-green eyes. “I heard that much, boy.” She turned back to Barrington. “You said you just found out today?” “Yes, ma’am, I did.” “And why is that?” “I ran into her at the mall today,” he said, his eyes sliding to his brother. “Journey, too.”

Crush tried not to respond but couldn’t resist asking, “How is Journey?” “As feisty as ever,” Barrington laughed, “especially where you’re concerned.” “I bet.” Crush grinned, pushing his plate away, as an image of Journey sliced through his mind. She was the only woman—without being present— able to make him uncomfortable in a good way. He couldn’t help wondering if she were seeing someone. Then all too soon, he remembered that he had voluntarily relinquished all rights to have that question answered. “I know one thing,” Linda announced, “somebody better start releasing some much needed information, or I’m going to find out on my own accord.” “Baby, calm down,” Bobby told his wife. “There’s no need to get all worked up. Young people make mistakes all the time; we shouldn’t be shocked that our son happened to fall into that number.” “Bobby, I just know you not sitting over there condoning sex outside of marriage.” “I’m not condoning it, no, Linda. But it did take place, so all I’m saying is, since Barrington’s daughter is already here, we need to deal with the now; not backtrack to a year and a half ago.” He looked at his son and added, “Although you should have used protection, boy.” Barrington cleared his throat, feeling like he was five all over again. And just like then, he wisely remained silent. “So,” Crush broke the awkward silence, “what did Miss

Perri have to say for herself?” “That’s what I want to know.” Linda leaned forward, peering into her son’s yellow-green eyes as if she were glimpsing his very soul. “She said she didn’t want to ruin my career,” Barrington told them, but it was obvious by his tone that he didn’t believe Perri’s lame excuse for a thin, crispy minute. “And you believe her?” came Linda’s quick retort. “Ma, Perri’s not the vindictive type,” Barrington automatically defended her actions, even though he didn’t believe her. Point was, he didn’t want anyone else to judge Perri even if he did. “And yet son, she didn’t see fit to tell you she was having your baby until today, when you happened to run into her at the mall,” Linda felt the need to point out the obvious. “Don’t you think that leaves a lot to be desired in the faith department when it comes to this particular young lady?” she quizzed, determined to make him think with the brain in his head and not the head between his legs. She wasn’t born at the age of forty-eight; she’d been young once too. What could Barrington say? Hadn’t he also lit into Perri for the same reason? Linda ran a hand through her naturally curly light brown hair. “I know I raised you better than this, baby.” She bit her bottom lip, unable to hide the disappointment in her first born son. “All these diseases out here,” she said as tears welled up in her eyes. “Ma—”

“And you being a musician and all,” she continued talking over her son. “I swear I could box your ears. What were you thinking, boy?” “Getting inside Perri,” Barrington didn’t realize he’d voiced his thoughts until he heard the sharp gasp that he knew came from his outraged mother whose eyes were now two giant yellow orbs, that silently promised him that she was about to deliver him the sting of a yellow jacket. Ever the instigator that he was, Crush said, “Way to go, B. Go for shock value.” He chuckled, glad he wasn’t the one sitting in the hot seat. “Don’t be nasty at my kitchen table, boy,” Linda raised her voice at her foolish oldest son. “Look what you’re teaching your little brother, Barrington!” Crush laughed out loud and Linda arrested him with a heated glare. “Crush, cover your ears, and wipe that smirk off your face before I slap your head sideways.” Raising his hands, Crush asked innocently, “What did I do, Ma?” Bobby cleared his throat and all eyes went to him. “Let’s all just calm down,” he firmly suggested. “Crush, mind your manners. Barrington, we don’t need to know everything you’re thinking. Linda, what’s done is done. Barrington is grown and gone; he’s taking up his responsibility to his daughter, which is the important thing. Let’s leave it to our son’s discretion how much, if anything, he decides to share with his parents.” He looked at his younger son. “Crush, let this be a lesson to you; learn from

your older brother’s experience.” “Yes, sir,” Crush had the good sense to agree with his father. He also felt like a hypocrite avoiding his brother’s hot glare boring into him. He would tell Barrington his secret; but certainly not here in front of their parents, or even in their house. He’d talk to his brother soon. Barrington rolled his eyes and swallowed the urge to inform his parents that Crush was no golden boy, and he could probably take a lesson from his little brother’s play book, because Lord knows the boy had bedded far more women than he had. He reminded himself that this wasn’t about Crush; it was about his own newfound family. And he wasn’t going to feel guilty that he shared a child with the only woman he’d ever been in love with. He did not regret loving Perri. “Ma, I apologize that my lack of control hurt you; however, I refuse to view my daughter as anything but a huge blessing in my otherwise lonely life, and I look forward to spoiling her rotten. But on the day she was conceived, I wasn’t thinking with my top head,” he admitted, cursing himself for failing to protect Perri during that last bout of heated passion between them. Seeing the sincerity in her son’s eyes and hearing it in the way he carefully revealed his love for his baby girl, Linda said, “Your father’s right, Barry. Your daughter— what’s her name?” That easily pulled a smile out of Barrington. He was eager to share, “Imani Sinclair Milan.”

For the first time since hearing the news, Linda slightly smiled. “That is a beautiful name, son.” Raising her head a notch, she continued, “Well, like your father said, Imani is here. But that mother of hers is a different story,” she said, tightly. “What kind of woman doesn’t bother to let the father know he’s got a baby on the way?” She shook her head, frustrated. “Is it because of your money? Does she intend to sue you for half of your earnings?” Holding up an impatient hand, Barrington quickly set the record straight, a trait passed down to him from his mother. “Ma, I told you Perri’s not like that; she doesn’t care one bit about my money. Even if she did, I love her enough to let her have it all long as it meant I’d have a second chance to undo all the anguish I caused her.” “So this wasn’t some random one night stand with a grubby groupie.” Linda was grateful. “Perri and I were involved exclusively for a year and six months, Ma, although we’d been friends a year prior to getting together and becoming an official, couple.” “And you never brought her by to meet us, son,” said Bobby. “Mind telling us why?” “Daddy, it’s hard to maintain a long distance relationship. Crush and I spend so much time on the road we have to make the face time we do have to put into a relationship count. I wanted Perri to myself when we were in town, so that left no time to bring her home to meet you guys.” “Yet, Crush knew about her,” Linda argued.

“Only because I work with B, Ma; basically, we know the same people,” Crush offered. “Linda,” Bobby said, “these boys each have their own house to keep up. In all fairness, we can’t expect them to spend all their time here with us when they get a break to breathe.” “You’re right, baby,” Linda agreed. “Even so, they have phones all over the country.” To her sons she said, “And you two carry your cell phones around like it is part of your wardrobe.” Barrington reached across the table for his mother’s hand and kissed it. “Ma, I am so very sorry I disappointed you. I honestly did not mean to hurt you.” Linda squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry about me, baby. I’m your mommy; I support you no matter what.” Barrington silently watched tears appear in his mother’s eyes, and he almost hated Perri in that instant. His mind had to work overtime reminding him that he did actually love Perri Milan. “It’s just that my heart breaks for you; to know some woman, foolish, silly girl that she acted, kept your own flesh and blood child away from you, and from us. Imani’s three months old; three months you cannot get back with your daughter. Perri obviously had no intention of telling you because instead of coming to you like a real woman should, she allowed you to experience the pain and humiliation of discovering your only child in the mall, of all places. I don’t say that to be mean, baby. I don’t. I just need

to understand this situation. I can’t readily like a woman who did something so despicable to spite my son. She hurt you, baby. That hurts me. And as a mother, now that she’s had time to develop a strong bond with Imani, I can promise you that even she can understand how I feel as your mother.” Linda simply told her son the truth. Barrington could not be mad at her for that. “Ma, I get that. I’m not asking you to understand it, especially when I still don’t. I can only ask you to please consider being decent to my daughter’s mother. Perri was selfish. I don’t intend to let her deny that what she did was wrong on so many levels; however, I can’t think of another woman I’d want to be the mother of my babies. I have to make peace with Perri, and I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive her for hurting your son. I know it won’t be today, but I’m asking you to try for me and your granddaughter, Ma.” Shaking her head sternly, Linda told him, “It isn’t right, Barry. You say you love Perri and I respect that. But I do not have any respect whatsoever for what she did to you. It was uncalled for and it was calculated, cold, and cruel, and she should be exceedingly ashamed of herself.” Those were strong words even to Barrington’s ears; warranted, he knew, but strong nonetheless. “I can understand how you’d feel that way, Ma. I’m still angry with Perri, too, and I probably will be for a long time to come. But like I said, I do love Perri and you should know I always will.”

“I’m glad that you have love for your daughter’s mother, baby. That will make things a lot easier for Imani. All things considered, I do not like how this went down; all the lies and deceit I cannot condone. And I’m just going to tell you right now, I want to talk to this girl, Barrington,” Linda announced. Barrington clearly did not expect his mother to say that. “Why do you need to talk to her?” “Because, son, Perri needs to be held accountable for her actions, and somebody needs to set her straight on a few things concerning motherhood, and a few other things you don’t need to know at the moment,” Linda answered as she strode over to the phone. “What is her number?” Blinking in surprise, Barrington knew he had to think up a reasonable excuse quick. “Ma, I really don’t want you to do that.” He struggled to figure out a nice way to tell his loving—albeit overprotective mother—to stay out of his personal life. He had his own agenda where the mother of his beloved daughter was concerned, and there was no way he was going to allow anyone, including Linda Knight to cost him what he already knew to be a once in a million long shot at getting back into Perri’s good graces. But it was his shot and he intended to make it count. “Fine, Barry. You don’t want to give up the digits; I’ll get her number on my own.” Linda opened a drawer on the center island and reached for the phone book, flipping it open. “It’s unlisted,” Barrington blurted, hoping his mother would take the hint.

Placing an impatient hand on her narrow hips, Linda informed him, “I do have other resources and I am not ashamed to use them.” “Ma, you’re gonna ruin it for me,” he complained, trying his best to keep his temper in check. Because if he gave in to his flesh and blew up at his mother’s attempt to intervene on his behalf, he was more than certain his daddy would not hesitate to kick his ass all over their kitchen for disrespecting his wife. Barrington was getting angry with his mother, but he wouldn’t get stupid on her. His father chose that moment to clear his throat, unnecessarily, and when he glanced at his father, he understood the silent promise of bodily harm if he stepped out of line with his mother. His parents didn’t raise no fool; plus, Barrington fully intended to get to know his daughter, and to do that he had to live past today. “Ma, you’re gonna ruin it for me,” he repeated. Linda stopped flipping through the phone book, turning to face her son. “Ruin what for you?” “You know,” he accused. “Ruin my chance of getting back on Perri’s good side.” “You mean she actually has one.” Barrington was hurt by his mother’s careless words and he was offended for Perri. “Okay, Ma, that’s enough. I’m going to need you to let me handle this. I will deal with Perri in my own way.” He was going to have to put his foot down even if it meant hurting his mother’s feelings. There was no way he could just sit there saying nothing while she raked the woman he loved over the coals. No way at all.

“Barry, I’m just trying to help you get this mess straightened out.” “Thank you, Ma, but really, I’ll handle my business.” He cleared his throat after seeing the no nonsense look on his mother’s face. “If that’s all right with you,” he added respectively. Crush laughed out loud, he didn’t mean to, but having been on the receiving end of Linda Knight’s seething wrath a time or ten thousand, he knew exactly how intimidated his brother had to be feeling right about now. “Is there something you find funny?” Linda questioned her younger son. Crush sobered up quick, fast, and in a hurry. “No, ma’am,” he offered weakly. Fighting back a laugh of his own, Bobby figured now would be a good time to rescue both his foolish sons. “Linda, baby, don’t get so worked up. In his own way, Crush is trying to take some of the heat off his brother, which is not necessary, because Barrington is a grown man, making his own way in the world.” “I understand that, Bobby but—” “Baby, it’s our son’s life and like it or not, we’re going to have to let him handle his business the way he sees fit.” “Well, if he was handling his business, I wouldn’t be standing here demanding a phone number for the woman who singlehandedly ruined our son’s life, baby. This is my son that so-called mother of our grandbaby hurt.” “Well, he’s not no stranger to me, baby,” Bobby

countered. “Oh, you know what I mean,” Linda insisted with a huff. “Our son is hurt and that woman is to blame, so there, Bobby Knight, and I dare you to tell me otherwise about that foolish little girl.” “Please, Ma,” Barrington didn’t care how desperate his plea came across at this point, “I love Perri. Do I think she went about this situation the wrong way? Absolutely,” he said, “but all of us have done things we wished we could go back and redo. Perri made a huge mistake. I still love her, faults and flaws, Ma.” “I can see that, son. But let me ask you something. How much love does Perri have for you to do something so vengeful to you?” Though Barrington knew it wasn’t his mother’s intentions, her words stung his manly pride. He’d asked himself the same question since he found out about Imani. “You’re right, Ma.” “Thank you, Barry.” “It doesn’t change how I feel for Perri, though. I honestly think I could strangle her, if I didn’t love her so much. So, even though a large part of me is mad as the devil himself, I can’t let the devil use me by letting it take over so much that I allow bitterness toward Perri to set in. That won’t help anyone, least of all by baby girl.” “Are you planning on taking a large active role in that child’s life?” Linda asked. “Absolutely,” Barrington assured his mother.

“How you gonna manage to do that and travel nine months out of the year?” Bobby asked. “I don’t know, Daddy.” Barrington hadn’t thought that far ahead. “But it can be done, and I’m going to find a way to do it.” “Have you even considered your custody rights?” “No, not really, Ma,” he admitted. “Well, if you want to sue that girl for full custody, I’d be more than happy to keep Imani while you’re on the road, baby.” Barrington was shocked at just the thought. “Ma,” he shook his head, “you got the wrong idea here. I would never rip Perri and Imani apart. Perri’s been the one constant parent in her life. It wouldn’t be fair to go changing up her living arrangements now.” “That’s only the case because Perri kept Imani from you,” Linda reminded him. “Regardless, Ma, I’m not going to take Perri through those kinds of changes.” He shrugged. “Whatever her mistakes we’ll get through them together. We have to because our daughter’s future depends on it. My future depends on it, too.” Barrington smiled. “She’s done all right for herself, Ma.” “How so?” she wanted to know, hoping this girl had some redeemable qualities about her. “Well, for starters, she breastfeeds Imani,” he said still reeling off the amazement of knowing something so intimate that bonded the woman he loved with their

daughter. “Ma, Perri's only twenty-two and instead of worrying about her body image, she chose to breastfeed our daughter, giving her a healthy head start in life. She takes good care of my baby girl, I could tell that by how protective she was over her at the mall today. I don’t doubt Perri loves our daughter more than her next breath. For that, I’m forever grateful to her, and I intend to let her know that every chance I get. I’m here now, so she doesn’t have to raise Imani on her own anymore. She's saved, too, and I know you like hearing that, Ma.” “Yes I do. And praise the Lord, son. That being the case, all that tells me is she should have been convicted into telling you the truth.” “Ma, that's not a nice thing to say.” Barrington couldn't believe his mother. Linda had the good sense to look embarrassed. “Well, you see just how upset I am. This whole thing's got me teetering on the verge of blasphemy.” “It's all right, Ma, I know you don't mean any harm; you just looking out for my interest, and I love you for it. But, Ma, I believe my way is best for everyone concerned, especially for my daughter because I'm considering her above it all. She can't take up for herself, but I can. And I am, Ma. From this day forward, I will meet my daughter's needs or die trying.” Linda proudly smiled in spite of herself, marveling at her son's wisdom. “I guess I raised you right after all,” she conceded, walking over to firmly hug her son. She tenderly

kissed his temple. “All right, baby. I promise I won't interfere; however, I still want to meet Miss Perri.” “Fair enough,” Barrington said. “Thank you. And you will meet her when the time is right.” “I certainly hope we'll meet our grandbaby sooner than that,” Bobby said. “I hope so, too, Daddy. But this is a touchy situation and I have to handle Perri with care.” Reading the question in his mother's eyes, he said, “No, Ma, I don't want to reconsider and let you take over. This is my decision and I've made it.” “So, how are we supposed to know she's being raised right?” she asked. “What kind of people does Perri come from, anyway?” she inquired, and there was a small attitude back in her tone. “Perri lost her parents' when she was a little girl. She has two sisters, with her being the middle child. Her grandparents raised them after her parents' died.” Linda's heart finally went out to Perri. “Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how rough that must've been on her growing up.” “She turned out good in spite of it,” Barrington boasted. Instead of telling him that was a matter of opinion, Linda said, “So, son, when do you think we'll be meeting our little Imani?” “As soon as I can make it happen, Ma.” Barrington glanced at his watch. “I'm on my way over to see her in a few minutes.” He couldn't hide his grin. “She is so beautiful,

Ma.” He nodded. “She looks just like me when I was a baby.” “Then she's gorgeous,” Linda couldn't help boasting a little herself. “I mean, Ma, seriously, Imani has our yellow-green eyes, and her hair is light brown and pretty straight like Perri’s right now, but I’m pretty sure it’s gonna eventually turn to golden curls like ours.” His family laughed, sharing in his newfound joy and happiness. “Perri did good, family.” Linda heard the passion in his voice. “You really love that girl, don't you?” “With every beat of my heart and every inch of my soul,” he said and grinned like a peacock. “If I have my way, Perri will be the new Mrs. Knight in the family.” He was so enthralled in his premade future plans for Perri that he didn’t see the questioning look his parents exchanged. Not sure how she felt about that, Linda asked, “How do you know she's not seeing someone?” “She's not.” “How do you know?” “She's not,” Barrington insisted, irritated at the thought. “By your own admission, Barry, you two haven't been together in a while. You don't know and you can't take for granted she hasn't met another man, who for all you know, may even be considering Imani his own child,” Linda

pointed out. Feeling a stab of jealousy and pure possessiveness wash over him, Barrington announced, “I know Perri, Ma. And what you described isn't her. As for Imani, there isn't another man alive who's going to lay claim to my daughter. And for that matter, no other man is going to claim my woman, either.” Just thinking about another man pushing up on Perri set Barrington’s teeth on edge. He knew he was going to fight anybody, including Perri, to make sure that never happened. “She's not your woman,” Linda reminded him. Ignoring her statement altogether and mentally dismissing it as rubbish, Barrington said, “Perri will always be mine, Ma. I know it. And though Perri would like to think otherwise, in her heart, she knows it, too.” Linda wanted to laugh, but said, “And if you're wrong, my stubborn son?” “I'm not. I know my woman, Ma; inside and out.” He shook his head. “I’m not wrong about this,” Barrington insisted, feeling more than a slither of annoyance. “She must really be special,” Linda observed knowing her son well. “Special and beautiful,” Barrington announced as his heart danced a jig. They all laughed. Linda looked at her younger son; it wasn’t lost on her he had become awfully quiet in the last twenty minutes. Something was up with her baby son, too, she could sense

it; however, Crush was much more private about his business than Barrington. Ever since he learned to talk, every piece of significant information out of him, she had to extract it from him, which was like a dentist pulling wisdom teeth. “Crush, you got any kids we don't know of?” Crush nearly spit his Coke across the table. “No, Ma.” He shook his head. “I'm simply not the one.” His family had a laugh at his expense. “Glad to hear it, son,” Linda said, but are you sure?” “Ma,” Crush scratched his head, nervously. “I swear, to my knowledge, I ain't got no kids.” “So, who's Journey, Crush? And what does she mean to you?” “On that note, I'm gonna excuse myself.” Barrington strode to the door, “Night, folks.” “Thanks a lot, man,” Crush complained. Barrington chuckled. “Good luck explaining that relationship, man.” He opened the door. “Call me later and let me know how it went.” “Bring us pictures,” Linda called after Barrington, now completely comfortable with the knowledge that she'd have to share the spotlight of her oldest son's heart with the two new leading ladies in his life. The glint in her eyes were trained on her baby boy, the wisdom of her motherly intuition schooling her to the fact that he was hiding some deep, dark secrets of his own, that no doubt, he wouldn’t be willing to share with her; her two boys were different as night and day, that was for sure. It was pointless she knew,

still she announced, “I'm waiting, Crush?”

CHAPTER TEN Shaking her head in an effort to return to reality, Perri could feel the hurt and pain of Barrington's betrayal as if it just happened today. “All right, girl, enough of the past; it's done and over, time has moved on and, so have you. Keep going.” Perri sat back down at the drawing table and traced the outline of the dresses she’d designed. In that instant it dawned on her, she needed to come up with a fresh and new innovative idea for a new line, maybe even two new lines. That was the spark needed to get the creative juices flowing, and already her mind was spinning with several different possibilities she knew would generate interest in at least two different age groups. She was definitely on a roll now and it was these kinds of rushes that Perri loved and literally thrived on; the biggest part of the thrill was sitting down and letting her hands take over as her imagination spoke to her pencil, creating all kinds of beautiful designs as the model-like caricatures wearing her original designs came to life on her sketch paper. It was those times Perri felt like she could fly far above the clouds and soar to new heights, high peaks, and pinnacles never even heard of. She could truly see herself smooth sailing in uncharted waters underneath the friendly blue skies. After putting Imani down for her afternoon nap, Perri cleaned the house from top to bottom. She then went into her home office trying her level best to concentrate on the

preliminary sketches she was planning to design for the fall collection she wanted to use for the grand opening of her new boutique, which she was sure was going to be up and running by the first of September. She still couldn’t believe that part of her dream was finally going to come true. Of course, she still wanted to choreograph the prelude for the opening showcase introducing her new line called: Imani Collection, which is a tribute to the most important person in her life. For the past year and a half Perri had been saving up every spare penny she could to use as the down payment towards her new boutique. Six months ago, she’d come across the land she wanted it built upon; it was three acres and she figured that was a good size space to upstart her first of many boutiques. Well, that was her dream, anyway, and she was bound and determined to see it come to pass, or die trying. Putting down her pencil, laying her sketch book to the side, Perri got up, stretched, and walked over to the bay window looking out on the expanse of her backyard. The sun was shining bright reminding her she needed to go out and turn on the sprinklers to water her beautiful pink and white roses that were in full bloom this season. Her mind strayed back to Barrington, the thought of him made her body tingle, and though she’d never admit it to him or herself, she figured the thought was safe in the secret chambers of her mind. Warmth engulfed Perri's whole body thinking of Barrington. She couldn’t help smiling at the

memory of him with Imani; he was such a handsome and tender man, then again, he always had been. She made herself recall how bad he'd hurt her, why she was angry at him now. Two plus two would always add up to four, the analytical part of her mind reasoned with the logical part of her brain. “Darn it,” Perri fussed as the ringing phone jolted her back to her surroundings. She snatched it up on the fourth ring and barked, “Hello,” into the receiver. “Did I catch you at bad time?” It was Barrington, his voice was still a smooth baritone, and it still sent shivers down her spine. It was funny Perri could still read him like a favorite storyline, sensing the smile in his question. She looked at the clock seeing it was 2:30 on the dot. Kind of early for a busy musician, she thought, but at least he did call in plenty of time to make arrangements to see Imani before the sun went down, which meant she’d probably still have time to get to WalMart and pick up a few last minute groceries for Sunday’s dinner. “Perri?” “Yeah, Barrington, I’m here. Sorry.” “For what?” Perri laughed lightly. “I got a little lost in thought for a minute there.” “Good ones I hope,” he said. She could tell he was smiling. “Depends on the eyes you’re looking through.”

He laughed. “Is that right?” “I guess,” she giggled and didn’t know why. “It’s good to know I can still make you blush.” Perri rolled her eyes, “I am not blushing,” trying to hide a smile even though she knew he couldn’t see it. “Perri, you’re not trying your level best not to crack a smile right now?” he asked doubtfully. Unable to help it she laughed out loud. “That’s what I thought.” “Okay, so maybe you do still remember some things about me.” “Trust, Perri, I remember everything about you,” he lightly and seductively corrected her. Perri didn’t know what to say so she just got quiet. “You still respond with silence when you don’t know what to say,” he went on to read her like an old familiar, favorite childhood book. “And right now you’re fidgeting just to do something with your hands.” That comment brought her back to the present. She was playing with the chain on her wrist. “I am not,” she lied.

How could this man still know me so intimately after all this time? She just knew he'd been busy playing the field like some muskrat, so why was he trying to give her his undivided attention now? “If you say so,” he said with a hint of a smirk. “I do say so. So there!” Perri heard him snicker. “What do you want, anyway?” Her guard was back up and higher than ever where he was concerned.

“You just can’t allow yourself to have and enjoy a good conversation with me for more than five minutes, can you?” “I’m sure you’re not calling for my conversational skills, so just spit it out, Barrington.” He shook his head. “The more things change the more they stay the same, huh, Perri?” “For your information I was having an inspiring moment when you interrupted me.” “You knew I’d be calling,” he stated unapologetically, “I told you I would.” “Whatever.” Inhaling a deep breath, tired of going back and forth, Barrington asked, “Is it okay if I come by to see my daughter in a few?” “What’s a few, Barrington?” “I’m already in the car,” he informed her. “So if you still live in the same place, I’m about ten minutes away from that area now.” Ten minutes? “You could of have given me a little more notice.” “You acted all pressed about it earlier, so what’s the problem now, Perri?” “I was not pressed,” she snapped. “I was . . .” She didn’t bother to finish. “You know what, forget it, Barrington. Yes, I still live in the same place. Ten minutes is fine; it’s about time for Imani to be waking up for her feeding. If I go ahead and wake her now we should be finished by the time you

get here.” “I don’t wanna interrupt her schedule,” he said concerned. Without her permission, her heart softened toward him. “It’s not a problem, believe me.” “I do, Perri,” he said honestly. “I’ll just go ahead and stop now for gas that way it’ll give you at least a good twenty minutes before I get there. Is that good?” She smiled. “That’s fine, G-Man. See you when you get here. Be careful, please.” She hung up the phone, trying to ignore the familiar feeling in her belly for the one and only man she'd ever loved—the father of her beloved child. It wasn't easy. *** “Perri, thanks for letting me come by on such short notice,” Barrington said as he bounced Imani on his knee making her giggle and squeal with delight. “I really do appreciate it.” Laughing at Imani’s reaction to her new playmate slash father, she said, “You’re very welcome, Barrington.” He glanced at her hearing the honesty in her tone. He licked his lips unable to hide the desire he felt for her. She was still an extremely beautiful woman, even more so, if that were possible. Barrington reminded himself not to push too hard, deciding a change of subject was in order. “So you never did answer my question earlier.”

“Which was?” “What good thoughts you were entertaining when my call interrupted them.” “I was just weaving my way through a wave of inspiration, that’s all.” “Concerning? Or is that too private a detail for me to know?” he treaded lightly. She shrugged. “Not really private. I guess just . . .” “What?” Threading her fingers through the back of her hair, for no apparent reason other than to have something to do with her hands, she said, “I don’t wanna bore you with the details.” Barrington laughed, catching the hint, and said, “None of my business, in other words.” “It’s not that, Barrington.” She watched him lick his luscious lips and her liver quivered. “Then you just don’t care to share, Perri?” Taking a deep breath, she sighed loudly. “It was just things, you know.” Shaking his head, Barrington told her, “No, I don’t know. But I want to, that is, if you’ll allow yourself to trust me enough to tell me.” Without her permission, she heard the compassion in his voice and saw the pleading in his eyes. Dang it, this man still had the power to affect her good senses, and she didn’t appreciate it one bit. However, she still didn’t have

the heart to shut him out, at least not concerning this aspect of her life. Besides, he always was a good listener so maybe talking it out with him will help her come up with the right design to dazzle everyone, including him, she thought. Now why do I care what he thinks? “Perri?” “Hum?” He laughed. “Are you okay?” “I’m fine. Why?” “That must be some daydream because that’s the fifth time I’ve called your name.” He looked at his daughter, “Isn’t it, Cupcake,” he said as he kissed her on the forehead. Imani was sure eating up all the attention he was lavishing upon her. Laughing, Perri said, “You know what?” “What’s that?” “You’re spoiling her rotten and you haven’t even been here but a good thirty minutes. Guess who I’m going to call when she won’t go to sleep and wants to play at 1:30 in the morning, and mommy has to be up at 5:30?” He laughed. “I’m sorry.” “Said the cat just before he ate the canary,” she couldn’t resist teasing him. Laughing again, Barrington said, “I wouldn’t mind.” “Wouldn’t mind what?” “If you called on me,” he clarified, “whatever the time, I’d come help out with my daughter.”

She stared at him dumbfounded, at the same time, she said, “Yeah, right. You can say that now, Barrington, because it hasn’t happened.” “I’m serious, Perri. I told you earlier we’d work this out together and I meant it. If you remember nothing else about me surely even you can’t deny that I’m a man of my word, and when I tell you I’m gonna do something I’m gonna do it regardless of how long it takes me to get around to it.” He was right, she couldn’t deny that, but wasn’t about to let him know she remembered. “Let’s hear the tune you sing if and when I do finally call you in the wee hours of the night telling you to get your butt over here ASAP because your daughter wants to play and I need to sleep.” They both laughed at that. “Well, baby, there’s nothing to it but to do it.” “Um-hmm, keep talking, Mr. Dad.” “Try me, Perri,” he grinned. “I dare you.” “Well, I would if I could. Fortunately for you, it isn’t gonna happen.” “What stops you?” “Besides the obvious, or was that a rhetorical question?” “Which to you would be what?” She looked him dead in the eye. “Barrington, darling, there are some things that God only equipped a mommy to do.” Heat infused Barrington’s chest. “Oh, sorry,” he

admitted, “I forgot.” Perri laughed. “Well, would you like to borrow mine? It’s an experience you’ll remember.” “Oh, you got jokes, Miss Perri.” He laughed. “If you remember nothing else about me I’m sure you recall that I like to play around a lot.” His eyes met and held hers, daring her to look away. “Like I said before, I remember everything about you, Perri. And I do mean everything,” he reemphasized. A wave of excitement rushed through her entire body and she had no idea how to respond. “There you go fidgeting again, an indication I’ve rendered you speechless,” he teased. Realizing she was twisting the chain on her wrist, she retrieved a diaper to change Imani as she said, “Oh, shut up.” That caused Barrington to laugh harder. He didn’t realize she was so close until he felt her reaching for Imani. “Oh, let me.” Hands still outstretched, Perri paused and eyed him doubtfully. “You think you can handle the load that you discover when you uncover her?” “There you go with the jokes again.” Laughing, she said, “No, Barrington. I’m being perfectly serious.” “I know how to change a diaper. Besides, how do you know she tooted?”

“Tooted?” She burst into laughter. “What?” he laughed. “I’d use another term, but you told me to watch my language with her.” “Well, I know. But tooted?” She laughed out loud. “Okay, Perri. Number two. Is that better?” She got so tickled she dropped down on the couch laughing uncontrollably. She heard Imani squealing with delight, but for the life of her, she couldn’t stop laughing, and it felt good. She honestly hadn’t laughed that hard since . . . well since Barrington walked out of her life. That probably should have been a frightening thought but for some odd reason she wasn’t scared by it. “Yeah, Cupcake, mommy’s funny, isn’t she?” He joined in the laughter. It was a struggle but Perri managed to pull herself together. “Phew,” she sighed from relief. Feeling his eyes on her, she turned her head to the side, demanding, “Why you staring at me?” “I can’t look at you?” “Look, yes. Stare, um . . . no.” “You’ve still got that beautiful laugh that matches your beautiful face.” She lowered her gaze to the carpet. Barrington shook his head. “No, Perri, for once don’t turn away from me when I pay you a compliment. Because it is a compliment, you know. One of the highest,” he decreed.

She covered her mouth. Lifting her face to meet his gaze, he said, “Learn to accept sincere honesty, baby.”

Where was all that sincere honesty when you walked out on me, baby? Tears stung the back of her eyes as she said, “Barrington, don’t . . . .” “Perri, please don’t keep shutting me out.” “Now’s not the time.” Switching the subject, she told him, “If you’re going to do the honors of changing your daughter we need to get this soiled pamper off her now before she gets galled.” “Perri?” “Hey, would you mind staying here with Imani while I run to Wal-Mart to pick up a few groceries?” That should shut

him up. Carefully laying his daughter down on the cushion beside him, Barrington said, “I’d love that.” Glancing up, he added, “Perri, I know what you’re doing. I’m gonna let it go for now. Understand though, there’s coming a time very soon when I won’t allow you to run away while I’m telling you the truth.” She went to get her purse. “I’ll be right back.” Without looking up, Barrington said, “No need to rush, we’ll be fine. Won’t we, Cupcake?” Imani cooed, kicking her legs in the air. “Our daughter agrees with her Daddy, Mommy.” Perri couldn’t contain the smile that spread across her

face while standing there watching her daughter along with her father. It was a perfect picture she mentally tucked away in the chambers of her heart to ponder when she was alone. As if hearing her thoughts, he looked at her. “We’ve got plenty of time to work this out.” “Barrington?” “Yeah, baby?” Ignoring the butterflies that sentiment ignited within the lower regions of her belly, she said, “Just in case I forget to tell you later, thank you.”

My sweet Perri, if I’d only known, you wouldn’t have had to do it this long on your own. Knowing she wasn’t ready to hear that, Barrington smiled. “That’s what daddies are for, Perri, to help mommy out when he knows she needs it.” He winked at her, his heart overflowing with the love he held for her.

CHAPTER ELEVEN Carrying the last of the grocery bags in, Barrington announced, “Perri, I wanna talk to you.” “Okay.” She reached around him for the bread and tried to ignore the butterflies swarming in her belly. “About?” “I want Imani to have my last name.” Taking a deep breath and sighing loudly, she proceeded to remove the can goods and walked to the pantry.” “Perri,” his eyes followed her, “you heard me, right?” Placing the milk in the fridge without turning around, she said, “I heard you.” “And?” She shrugged. “And what?” Knowing she was avoiding the subject, Barrington stared at her mechanical movements for a full three minutes before saying, “Perri, I know you got something to say so say it.” “Did you have any trouble with Imani while I was gone?” “No, we had a great time. I may be biased but I think she’s crazy about me,” he chuckled. “Oh?” she stared into the freezer. “Well, that’s good to know,” she told the freezer, wishing she could stick her head in and yell not! She snagged a twin banana popsicle, ripped the plastic wrapper off and sank her teeth into it in an effort to ward off the fierce need to attack the gorgeous,

bully of a bastard who saw not a damn thing twisted about ambushing her in her own home; it was little consolation, because she’d rather pull a Tyson, and bite the hell out of him. And just how freaking bizarre did that make her as a suitable role model for their daughter? She viciously attacked the frozen bar again, refusing to even turn around and grant her handsome ex access to the worrisome lines she knew had to be engrained in her face like the precise lines—straight and squiggly—sprawled every which way on the display screen of an etch-a-sketch. Demolishing the last of her frozen pop, she stabbed the foot pedal of the nearby trashcan, noisily tossing the empty plastic wrap inside before unnecessarily punching the foot pedal again. Then with a calculated move, she pivoted around to face-off with that man in her face. “You almost sound disappointed, Perri.” “Why should I be disappointed?” She turned on the faucet to run dishwater. “That’s a good question, Perri. Care to answer it?” “I’m not disappointed,” she lied. “It’s great Imani thinks you’re great; she should like you. You are her father.” Barrington didn’t buy her act for one minute; however, at the moment he still wanted an answer to his previous question. “Are you gonna allow me to give her my last name? Or do you think that’s too much of a tie to have to my own daughter?” “Stop being snarky with me.” “Then stop acting like I’m the enemy and treat me with

the respect, not to mention decent common courtesy I deserve for no other reason than the truth which is I am her father.” Feeling the sting of his betrayal all over again, she slammed the cup in the sink, whirling around so fast, she felt lightheaded and briefly saw spots swirling before her eyes before she arrested Barrington with a look that could quite possibly melt the Glacier Hemisphere. “What do you want from me? You want me to get down on all fours and kiss your lily white feet, declaring all hail to Daddy Knight?” “You’re not funny, Perri.” “Good! I’m glad you realize that because right now I’m being totally serious.” “That’s the problem! You’re too serious about your feelings and could give two shakes of a rat’s ass about mine.” His comment made her realize she’d unintentionally hurt his feelings. And not for the first time, it dawned on Perri if anyone should be all hurt, mad, upset and spooning out hefty sizes of repressed anger it was Barrington; yet here he was showing her kindness, trying to be logical where she was being downright unreasonable, not to mention outright nasty and hateful. She couldn’t be more ashamed if Barrington had pointed in her face, calling her a hypocrite, which was exactly how she’d been acting toward him. “I’m sorry, Barrington. You’re right,” she admitted. “I haven’t been considerate of your feelings where our

daughter is concerned. For that, I apologize to you.” Chancing a look at him she said, “I honestly mean that.” Affording her an easy smile he realized he never could stay mad at her for long especially when she owned up to her mistakes which he knew wasn’t easy for her to do. He also knew it was twice as hard for her to get used to the idea of sharing their daughter with him and that he shouldn’t expect too much too soon being that for all intended purposes it was going to take time. And hadn’t he promised her they’d have plenty of time to work it out together? Knowing she was determined to keep a wall between them, Barrington was more determined to knock down all the barriers that kept them oceans apart, promising himself that instead of helping her fight the troubled waters, he’d wade the bitter waters, riding out each wave with her until it became sweet. He didn’t doubt it would though he accepted that it would take as long as it takes. “Apology accepted.” Smiling, Barrington added, “Thank you.” Puzzled, she asked, “For what?” “For blessing me with such a beautiful baby; you did good, Perri.” Unable to hide her smile, she said, “We both did an awesome job creating that miracle.” Allowing her words to penetrate his thoughts, Barrington said to no one in particular, “I just wish I could have been there to see such a precious creation make her

grand entrance into this awaiting world of possibilities.” He looked at her with hopeful longing in his eyes. “I just want her to have the best of both our worlds, different as they may be to others on the outside looking in, who only choose to view our different colored skins. I don’t give a damn what society says, I will never accept that Imani being blessed to have fifty percent of your black heritage and fifty percent of my white heritage will turn out to be a curse for her. Color didn’t play a factor in our love for each other, baby. I won’t believe it has to make us use our daughter against each other.” Brushing tears from her eyes, Perri offered a weak smile. “I never want that for our baby.” To lighten the mood, he joked, “It’s unanimous; two for two isn’t bad. Dare we go for three?” She laughed. “You’re crazy as ever. Small wonder our child is such a ham.” “And I could sure eat her up.” He shook his head. “I’m still in awe that beautiful little being is mine. I never would have thought I was capable of making such a valuable contribution to this sometimes crazy mixed up world.” “Sometimes crazy?” she said, chuckling. He grinned. “I’m in a zone; nothing but positive thoughts centered around our girl’s world.” Drying her hands on the dishtowel, Perri took his hand. “Follow me, please.” After taking his time perusing around, he said, “I feel privileged. You actually let me see the inside of your office

where you create, I’m sure, the most amazing designs I’ve ever seen.” “Please don’t mock me.” Hooking his finger under her chin, he raised it to meet his gaze, “It’s called sweet honesty, Perri. Sincerity is exactly what I’m offering you at all times.” She swallowed hard, purposely stopping herself from swooning in his awaiting arms. And it was a struggle, knowing his arms held the sweetest warmth she’d ever known. Too bad the one thing they lacked was security. That thought entered her mind without permission. Forcing herself to get past the hurt for the moment, she walked over to the entertainment center and scanned the shelf, finding what she wanted, and popped it into the DVD player. “You need to see this, Barrington.” Following her, he sat on the chaise without another word, eyes glued to the TV screen. For the next two hours, Barrington was enthralled with what he saw. Too choked up to speak, he simply grabbed Perri’s hand bringing it to his mouth, kissing it and then moving it to his chest where he allowed her to feel the beat of his heart which still raced for her. Understanding his unspoken dialogue, she nodded, silently conveying how welcome he was. Without thinking about it, she laid her head on his shoulder and together, she and the father of her child cried as they continued to watch Imani make her grand entrance into the world which was full of glorious possibilities where her well-being was

concerned. Not to mention love overflowing from both her mommy and her daddy’s world—different as they’d always been. With his heart still so full, Barrington confessed, “Perri, even if I didn’t have any hands with which to pick a woman to carry my seed I would still try my damnedest to find a way to ensure it was only you. Thank you for sharing this rare and precious moment with me, because you’re right; I really did need to see it for more reasons than you’ll ever know.” Perri could only smile at him. Kissing her lips as friendly as his flaming desire would allow him to, Barrington said, “Thank you once again, baby, for blessing me with such a beautiful daughter. For truly I am a blessed man, and I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart and the depth of my soul, I forgive you, Perri, for not telling me about Imani.” “Thank you, Barrington,” was all she could manage to say. He tenderly wiped her tears away. “My sweet Perri, please don’t cry. I wanna see you happy. You definitely deserve it.” Sniffing, she found her voice, whispering, “You can give Imani your last name.” This time it was Barrington who felt tears being tenderly stroked from his eyes. Pounding his chest lightly three times with his fist was all he could manage to do. “You’re so very welcome,” Perri replied quietly as she hugged him.

CHAPTER TWELVE “Well, I’m assuming Barrington did call yesterday and you did let him visit with Imani. So, how’d it go?” Journey asked, hoping all went well with their first interaction as a family. On a frustrated sigh, Perri told her, “Better than I thought believe it or not.” Laughing, Journey said, “Meaning what exactly?” Perri shrugged taking the cordless into the living room. “I’m not exactly sure.” “Perri, you must have some idea,” Journey assumed. “Did he stay long?” “Yeah . . . actually he did.” Clearly hoping for more detail, Journey demanded, “Okay, girl, what gives with the one statement answers?” Perri laughed. “I don’t know.” “You do know,” Journey insisted. “Now, talk to me.” “It was nice I suppose.” Perri swallowed hard suddenly fighting back tears. Hearing her friend's voice crack, Journey asked, “Perri, what’s wrong?” She shook it off, “Nothing; just being silly.” “I don’t think so, Perri. Save it for someone who doesn’t know you as well as I do. I wanna know what’s going on with you. What are you thinking?”

Swallowing hard, she confessed, “Jern, I really did like having Barrington here. Fool that I am I enjoyed his company. It reminded me of our better days” “Perri, there’s nothing wrong with remembering. Sometimes it actually is good for the soul. We both know what a hard time you had letting your relationship with Barrington go, and nobody expects you never to think about the man as long as you live.” Refusing to skip down memory lane, she simply said, “That’s all behind me now and, that’s where I want it to stay, Jern.” “I feel you. Sounds like it’s still not easy for you to let go,” Journey observed. “You got that one right.” Perri sighed heavily. “Jern, I’m afraid I may still have it bad for the one and only man who broke my heart. No warning, no apology, no explanation. Just up and bounced, and to this very day I still don’t know why.” Tears streamed down her face. “Oh, Perri, it’s all right, honey.” Tears sprang to Journey’s eyes, she hated when her best friend was in such pain unable to help her, just like the first time Barrington had hurt her, leaving her to deal the best way she could. “No, Jern, it’s not. I don’t wanna still want him.” Perri sniffed. “He doesn’t deserve a thing from me after what he pulled, still yet here I am whining over the man.” “Maybe that’s not such a bad thing, Perri.” Journey knew she was going to rake her over the coals but she had to be honest. And just being honest, Journey thought it a

good thing for the two of them to admit their mutual feelings for the sake of their daughter as well as each other and come to some sort of amicable agreement. They both deserved that. “What?” Perri couldn’t believe her ears. “I mean it, Perri. Listen to me, okay? I’m gonna tell you like I told Barrington. In life everything happens for a reason, and just maybe the reason y'all came full circle was to get to the bottom of what exactly tore you apart in the first place.” “That’s easy. It was his selfish disappearing act that tore us apart.” “Come on, Perri. Be fair to yourself and him. Look at it like this; you do deserve to know the real story why Barrington was gone when you woke up. Just ask him why he didn’t bother calling to say goodbye.” Journey let that sink into her friend’s stubborn mind. “It won’t be easy to rehash it after all this time,” she admitted. “But it’s a step to getting the closure you need.” Perri considered everything Journey said. “You’re right,” she conceded. “I do need answers, but I’m just not sure I can handle traveling that same road to get them.” “Why?” “Last time it was a dead end with no explanation of where to take a detour.” Journey laughed, shaking her head, “Girl, you and your metaphors.” “I’m serious.” “I know you are, Perri, and I’m serious when I tell you to

keep an open mind. Just ask the man why he fled the love scene; let him speak his mind and really listen to what he has to say. I think you'll be surprised at what he has to tell you.” Suddenly suspicious, Perri asked, “You know something I don’t?” “No. Well, nothing concrete.” “So your opinion would be based on?” “The love for you I saw in his eyes.” Sure she'd heard wrong, Perri laughed. “You saw what?” “Clear as blue, I saw love for you.” “Yeah, Jern, right,” Perri didn’t believe that but if her friend did, okay. “You don’t have to take my word because I’m not the one who has to convince you.” “Girl, please. I can't be catching feelings for Barrington.” “You mean stirring up feelings, don’t you? The feelings you never got over in the first place. Believe me. He's not over you, either. So when Barrington tells you the same, and he will, you need to consider believing him, Perri.” “You know what? You’re starting to talk crazy, Jern. I’ve got to use the bathroom, so I’m hanging up this phone. Talk to you later.” “Think about it, Perri. Bye.” ***

Usher’s You Got It Bad crooned in the background as Perri lay on the couch, trying not to think about Barrington. Of course, the more she tried not to think of him the more she thought about him. “Yeah, Usher, I got it bad.” She started at the sound of the phone ringing. “Yeah, Jern, talk to me,” she laughed. “I’d love to talk to you, but I’m not Journey.” She blinked rapidly. “Barrington.” “Sorry to disappoint you.” Perri sat straight up on the couch. “It’s not that,” she quickly said. “I’m just surprised to hear from you again so soon.” “Why, Perri?” “Just am, that’s all.” “I don’t have the luxury of waiting on time to bring you around, Perri.” Barrington sighed tiredly. “But whatever, okay. I just called to tell you I’m leaving day after tomorrow. Or at least I’m supposed to.” Perri swallowed the disappointment. “I see,” she said tightly. “I don’t think you do, Perri. Otherwise, you wouldn’t sound so put out with me. But then again, I guess I just have that effect on you.” Perri didn’t respond. She couldn’t; she didn’t expect him to leave town so soon. “But,” he continued, a hint of smile in his tone, “I do

remember a time when my effect on you had you melting in my arms.” That was all she needed to get her guard back up. She rolled her eyes. “Obviously you have more confidence in your so-called past accomplishments.” She was still in denial. Barrington laughed. “If you say so,” he abandoned the subject. “Where’s cupcake?” “Napping.” “Why is she always sleeping whenever I call?” Perri didn’t miss the annoyance in his voice. And she didn’t appreciate it. “Because you always call when she’s asleep,” she snapped. Barrington blew out a puff of frustrated air. “When will she be up?” “She’s a baby. I couldn’t exactly ask her how long she thinks she may like to sleep.” “Why you always gotta be smart with me?” “Why you always ask stupid questions?” “What’s stupid about wanting to know when my daughter will be waking up?” “Nothing if she were old enough for it to make a difference. But since she’s not . . .” “Whatever.” “My sentiments exactly,” she said. A thick, uncomfortable silence hung between them. Barrington silently counted to ten. “Would it be possible for me to swing by for a minute?” he decided to ask. When

she didn’t answer right away, he said, “Please, Perri, I only wanna look in on my baby girl and kiss her goodnight if she’s down for the night.” Her heart softened at the hope in his voice. “I don’t have a problem with that.” “Thank you.” He seemed to breathe easier. “I’m about thirty minutes from you.” “Thirty minutes? Where’d you go?” God, she didn’t mean to sound concerned, or jealous. So she did still care what he did with his time. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I hit the studio for a minute.” “Nine o’clock at night?” “I had something on my heart I needed to get down on a track while it was fresh. It’s still raw, but at least I got something to work with, you know.” “I hear you.” Switching the subject, Barrington asked, “Have you eaten?” Come to think of it she hadn’t. “Not yet.” “Hungry?” “I could eat a little something.” “What do you feel like eating?” “What are you near now?” “Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Krispy Kreme.” He glanced to the left. “Oh, and Captain D’s.”

She laughed and commented, “So many options to choose from.” “I know right.” He laughed. “Do you have a preference?” “Long as I get some food I don’t care. Whatever you want is fine with me but hurry up because I’m starving.” Perri laughed picturing his gorgeous face. “Same old Barrington,” she said amused. “Would you really have me be any other way?” She thought about it. “No not really. Captain D’s sounds good right now.” “I can go for that,” he agreed. “I want—” “Green shrimp,” Barrington finished her request. She smiled. “Yeah, how’d . . .” Perri shook her head, grinning. “Never mind, I’ll see you when you get here.” “All right, be there shortly.” “Barrington?” “Yes?” She waited a beat before saying, “Be careful.” Barrington grinned, encouraged by her concern. “Thanks, baby. I will.” After ending the call Perri sat with the phone in hand wondering what she’d just opened herself up to. “Come on, girl. It’s just dinner not a date. Don’t make too much of it. Just be nice tonight. After all, it’s what Imani would want.” A sudden cold chill ran through Perri. She couldn’t

explain it, but something just did not feel right. She found herself waiting for Barrington to pick up his cell phone, though she had no idea what made her call him back. “You know what?” she said soon as he answered. “What?” He was grinning just because this time Perri called him. “I got to thinking, why not just come on over? I have a mobile menu; you know they deliver food from most anywhere you can think of to eat.” Barrington swallowed back disappointment as he cursed under his breath. Why had he allowed himself to

hope she was calling because she really wanted to talk to him? “Yeah, baby, but I’m already tired.” And he was. “I just really don’t feel like waiting no long time on them to get there.” “Oh pooh, they’ll probably be here before you. If not you can spend some time with Imani. You even said you’re tired so just head on this way.” Perri couldn’t explain it but she wanted Barrington to come over right now. Deciding to toss in some incentive, she told him, “Maybe you can catch a quick nap if they’re not here by the time you arrive.” The thought of spending time with his daughter did appeal to him. Plus, Barrington thought it would give him a chance to sneak in some quality time with Perri. About the same time he made up his mind he heard her speaking. “So, what do you say, Barrington? You want me to call in the order?” “Yeah, go ahead and do that. Be there shortly.”

Relief flooded her heart. “See you in a few.” “All right, baby.” “Be careful okay, Barrington?” He grinned. “Didn’t we already have this conversation?” “Yeah, but I needed to say it again. So just take care of you.” “Always, baby.” He flipped his phone shut and continued to smile as he thought, she does still care for me. *** How did you get your name, Barrington? “Wow, that’s random.” Barrington laughed out loud almost embarrassed to relay the reason for his name. “Ma’s favorite show growing up was The Brady Bunch; she was crazy in love with and had a major crush on Greg Brady. His real name is Barry Williams; she said she promised herself that if she ever had a son she’d name him Barrington and nickname him Barry.” Perri was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her beautiful face and Barrington laughed right along with her mainly because to him she was a beautiful sight to behold. “Is that how Crush got his name, because your mother had a crush on Greg Brady aka Barry Williams?” Barrington lowered his head laughing out loud and

nodding his head, “Yep. What can I say, Perri; Ma was a typical sixties white teenage girl.” They laughed and picked for five more minutes about the origin of various names. “This food tastes better than I remember,” Barrington remarked. Perri grabbed a napkin, wiping tartar sauce from his chin. “How long has it been?” “It's been a minute,” he admitted, popping a hush puppy in his mouth. “Most times I’m home I’m running here and there, trying to play b-ball with my boys.” Picking up his drink, he watched her acknowledge with a nod. “Then there’s family and you know how hometown folks are; they think you trying to be funny if you don’t go see them.” Perri laughed, watching him drink from his straw. Tickled, she laughed harder. About to place his glass back on the coffee table, Barrington stopped midair. Confusion was evident on his face as he asked, “Did I miss something?” When Perri did nothing more than laugh, he said impatiently, “What’s so funny?” She raised a brow. “Man, you know you can always go in the kitchen and get something else to drink. You don’t have to suck the bottom out of that cup.” “Guess I am acting like it’s the last time I’m gonna get something to drink.” He laughed. “But hey, it is my favorite,” he defended himself. “I know. Pink lemonade is at the top of your A list.”

“Yeah, baby, you remember. So you know how much I love this stuff.” “I also remember you got me hooked on the pink stuff too.” She laughed. “Come on, Perri. You know pink lemonade is the bomb,” Barrington boasted. “It’s all right, I guess. Me, I’m a tea and Pepsi girl all the way.” “Tea is all right. Pepsi is okay. Now pink lemonade, girl, I can live off this stuff.” Taking another long and noisy sip from his straw, he said, “That’s why I always make sure to take plenty with me on the road.” “Oh, you do not.” She laughed. He didn’t crack a smile, she said, “You do?” “You sound surprised.” Thinking about it, she mused, “Pink lemonade, huh?” “I don’t share it, either.” He laughed. She wasn’t sure she believed him. “And that’s what you long for on the road?” Barrington didn’t have to think about it, “When you can’t have what you want, you work with what you got.” Waiting for her reaction, his grin was long as a country mile. “I would take you along, Perri, but . . .” He let the comment float in the air between them. Perri simply grunted refusing to touch that loaded comment. Picking up her hand, he played with it. “You saying you

wouldn’t go with me?” She didn’t pause to think, “Not even if you got down on all fours and begged.” “Damn, Perri.” He laughed. “That’s cold.” “That’s the truth.” “So, you saying you wouldn’t even pretend to consider my offer?” “No, I wouldn’t. No.” “So, what you’re saying is there wouldn’t be one part of you, even a small inkling that would be tempted to go on the road with me?” “Not even half way. No.” Barrington couldn’t believe it. “No way at all, Perri?” Her sigh was long and deep. “What part of not interested don’t you understand?” He looked at her long and hard. “You really have changed.” Oh my God, Perri thought, he’s actually pouting! After several more minutes, Barrington let her hand drop. “To be perfectly honest, Perri, I don’t understand this new you at all,” he announced. He frowned as he rubbed a hand down his chin. He glanced around the living room, wishing Cupcake was awake. Perri couldn’t believe he was pouting. She continued to study him as he managed to look everywhere except at her. She could feel the anger rolling off him in waves and marveled how well he tried to contain it. Only, he should

have known better than to think she wouldn’t call him to the carpet on it. “Barrington, you can’t really be surprised that I’d feel that way.” Glaring at her, he disagreed, “Yes I can, Perri. And I am.” He was adamant. Thinking this was going to be good, she challenged, “Why?” “Why you need to know why? It’s not like you gonna change your mind.” “You mad.” She burst out laughing. “You damn right I’m mad.” Watching her laugh at him, Barrington tried to keep his temper in check. “I’d like to know what you find amusing?” he asked when he could take it no longer. “You,” she said as if that explained it all. “What about me, Perri?” His tone was harsher than he meant it to be. She rolled her eyes and sighed loudly. “Forget it, Barrington.” “No, let’s not forget it, Perri.” “I think we should.” “Well, I don’t want to. I want you to tell me why you think I’m so funny.” When she didn’t answer, he folded his arms over his chest and said impatiently, “I take back what I said earlier. You haven’t completely changed; you’re still the same spoiled brat you were every time you didn’t get your way.”

Perri studied his movements as if fascinated. “I’m not the one pouting, am I?” He glared at her for a full five minutes while she in turn ignored him, avoiding his question and his gaze altogether. Barrington suddenly stood up walking toward Imani’s room. “I’m going to sit with my daughter a while,” he called out without looking back to get Perri’s approval. An hour passed. Then two more hours passed. Barrington still had not come back to the living room. Curious as to why, thinking he may have fallen asleep, Perri tiptoed to Imani’s room and peeked inside. Tears burned the back of her eyes as she listened to Barrington go on and on to Imani about how sorry he was he missed out on so much of her life and, how it wasn’t his fault, and if he’d had his way he would have never been away from her for longer than the time it took for him to complete his tour. Knowing he was trying to keep his emotions in check for their daughter’s sake, Perri heard the veiled anger in his voice, but more than that, she heard the hurt. Hearing the sadness in his voice she could tell Barrington was crying from the thick emotion clouding his tone. She bit back a sob, feeling that she was the source of his pain. That only succeeded in pissing her off, simply because she felt like he was trying to turn their daughter against her. It didn’t matter that Imani wasn’t old enough to understand what he was saying, because all her focus seemed to be centered on how angry he was making her. He was the one who left

her, for Pete’s sake. He didn’t hear her whining to Imani about that. So what gave him the right? “Cupcake, Daddy is gonna make up for lost time. I know it won’t be easy but I promise you somehow I will.” Barrington thought a moment. “Wouldn’t it be cool if you could join me on the road?” He laughed when his daughter cooed like she understood what he was saying. “Of course, Mommy wouldn’t like that very much. In fact, between you and me, baby girl, I’m sure it would make her sad and that would make us sad. Wouldn’t it?” He tickled Imani under her chin and brought her to rest against his chest where she clung to him like a second skin. “But you know what, Cupcake, Daddy would much rather take you on the road over pink lemonade any day,” he whispered. “Now, that’s our secret, okay.” He kissed her forehead, inhaling her baby powder scent as he gently rubbed her back and rocked her in his arms. In that moment, Barrington could almost understand how one parent could be driven to the point of abducting their own child. Though he would never consider going to that extreme, never again could he point an accusing finger at one who did without feeling like a hypocrite himself. Unable to stand there eavesdropping another second without busting in on him and taking a chance on scaring her daughter, Perri quickly turned and hurried back down the hall. All the while she knew Barrington wasn’t going like her very much after tonight because she intended to let him have it no sooner than he stepped foot back into the living

room.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN “Is Imani okay?” Perri asked when Barrington returned to the living room. “She’s fine, Perri. And she’s gonna stay that way,” he promised. Perri started to say something but decided against it. Barrington took a seat on the cushion next to her and leaned forward. Thinking about the best way to handle his next course of action, he sighed heavily when he’d decided what to do. “Perri, why don’t I stay over tonight?” “That’s not a good idea, Barrington.” “How about you give me one good reason why not?” “How about you don’t piss me off?” she glared at him. “I’m serious, Barrington.” “Oh, like I’m not?” he rolled his eyes. “You always have to have your way.” Rolling her eyes even harder, she complained, “Why don’t you just leave it alone, Barrington. Geez! Makes me wish I hadn’t even taken pity on you and let you come over here tonight. Seems to me we’d have both been better off if you’d just gone on home instead; I knew this was a huge mistake on my part.” She ignored the hurt in his eyes. “You really know how to spoil a good moment.” “And you certainly know how to deliver a powerful punch with words.” “Lay off me, Barrington,” she warned. “Why do you

always have to pick a fight with me?” “Why do you always have to be so defensive?” “Why are you always asking stupid questions?” “Why are you always avoiding the answers?” “I’m not avoiding anything.” “Except the issues you don’t want to address.” “Because I don’t have any,” she denied. “You’re the one who can’t take no for an answer.” “Oh, you don’t have any issues, Perri?” He glared at her. “Are you not the one with a problem admitting your true feelings about us?” “What true feelings? I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. The way I see it, you’re reaching for false hope, and I’m just trying to let you know you’re wasting your time. So what are you talking about?” “I’m talking about you, Perri, and your uncanny way of avoiding any conversation that reminds you of how good it used to be between me and you.” He shook his head. “Why is that?” “It’s because that’s the way you choose to see it.” “Wrong answer, try again.” “What?” “You heard me. Tell the truth, Perri.” “You’re insane.” “And you’re a liar.” “I have not lied to you one time since you found out about Imani.”

“Withholding the truth is still a lie. You, Perri, are guilty of committing a lie of omission concerning your love for me. It’s still there; you still feel it. Just because you mad at me didn’t erase your love for me. You continue to deny it to yourself and to me. That makes you a liar.” “You need to leave now, Barrington. And take your false assumptions with you.” “See what I mean,” he said as if that summed it all up. “No. But I will see you to the door.” He grabbed her arm when she tried to brush past him, “Classic example of you attempting to avoid the truth again.” “Trumped up truth is more like it,” she muttered. Cupping a hand on his ear, Barrington said, “What was that? I didn’t hear you.” “This is not the truth. This, Barrington, is your poorly misguided attempt at hoping for something that’s not going to happen.” “So you keep saying.” “And I’ll keep on saying it for as long as you try to keep hope alive.” He shrugged. “What’s wrong with hope? Sometimes that’s all a man has to keep him going. There’s nothing wrong with hope, Perri.” “No there isn’t,” she agreed, “except when it’s false.” “Who says it false?” “Not who says it’s false, Barrington. It’s more like what

says it’s false.” “What?” “The situation between us, Barrington; that’s what makes it false. The hope you’re holding out for you and me.” “And what hope might that be, Perri?” “You know.” “I’m not so sure I do. Why don’t you make it clear so there are no more misunderstandings?” “Hoping that you and I are gonna be more than friends. Hoping that I’ll just fall down at your feet and worship the ground you walk upon. Hoping Imani is going to be the tie forever binding us together. You know the hope, Barrington; the false hope. Falsely hoping that I’ll forget what you did to me, or at the very least that I’ll overlook what you did to me. But I got sad news for you. And though I do so hate to disappoint you, it’s not going to happen the way you want. I’m not falling back into you the way you would like me to. Read my lips, Barrington, hear me loud and clear when I tell you, it’s not going happen. Now put a period behind it and move on.” Barrington stared at her with a hateful coldness in his eyes. “Well, I’m sorry, Perri. But not everyone is as icy as you on the inside. Some of us actually think twice before we just up and bounce without so much as an explanation why. Some of us do care about other people’s feelings. And as much of a shock as this may come to you, Perri, there are even some of us who believe in staying, sticking it out in

order to work it out.” He shook his head in disgust. “But I guess you wouldn’t know anything about that because when you’re as cold as you, staying never even crosses your mind and sticking it out is the last thing you would do, because of course, you don’t care to work it out. No, that would just be too much to ask of the great and perfect Perri Milan because she doesn’t need anyone since she has no issues of her own to deal with. Yeah, you’d rather take the easy and permanent way out. Right, Perri?” “I’m not gonna stand here, Barrington, going back and forth about this with you.” “I’m not gonna stand here, Perri, and have you accusing me of wrong doing when I’m totally not guilty of doing dirt.” They stood staring at each other wondering what was wrong with the other. “Is it really too much for you to believe me when I say it was never my intention for you to feel betrayed. It was never my intention for you to walk away. It was never my intention for us to end. No matter what, Perri, I love you, and it was never my intention to do anything to lose the love I know you felt for me. The love I know you still feel for me. I know it’s there, Perri. It may be somewhat buried beneath the rubble right now, but in my heart I know you still love me. I see it in your eyes. More importantly, I feel it in my soul. You love me, Perri Milan. Why can’t you admit it?” “Don’t do this, Barrington. Let’s just end this escapade right here and now.”

“Perri, do I always have to pull everything out of you?” he chided her. “Why can’t you just be forthright with your feelings?” “I’m not asking you to ask me anything.” “I know that, Perri.” “So what’s the problem, Barrington?” “I’m trying to know you and you, stubborn as you are, just keep pushing me away. I wanna know why.” “You know all you need to know.” “In other words, you’re not going to let me in?” “I made that mistake once. Twice is too much to ask. Besides, you don’t have to beat me over the head with a baseball bat for me to know it’s going to hurt.” “Meaning what?” “I refuse to take that path with you again.” “And what path might that be?” “The one that leads to the land of destruction, the sea of hurt, the mountain of pain, the valley of heartache, and the torture of heartbreak; so on and so forth.” “And you’re so sure I’d lead you there?” “It wouldn’t surprise me. If I’d let you.” “Which you won’t, right?” “No, Barrington, I won’t. And frankly, I’m surprised you even had to ask that question.” “No more surprised than I am you think so little of me.” “I shouldn’t even really be surprised that you would think after everything that went down between us you can just

walk back in my life and I’ll say ‘all is forgiven; you broke my heart but that’s okay, I forgive you anyway’ and yet here I stand not believing your nerve.” She couldn’t grasp the concept of him really expecting her to lie down and let him trample over her heart again. Is he crazy or was he just hoping I am? “Any opinion I have of you, whatever it may be, you have yourself to thank. And as far as how little or much is concerned, I could say the same thing about your treatment of me.” “But you’d be wrong, Perri.” “I’m not so sure about that, Barrington.” “Well, I’m sure enough for both of us.” “So you say.” “Just wish you’d give me the benefit of the doubt.” “Why? So you can take pleasure in gaining the upper hand just to cause me more pain?” She shook her head. “It isn’t gonna happen, Barrington. So I suggest we change the direction of this conversation before we find ourselves sailing on some very shaky and bitter waters.” “You can’t avoid this conversation forever. Sooner or later, you are gonna have to face it.” “I opt for later.” By the look on his face she knew he was more than frustrated with her, but she didn't care because he pretty much used their daughter to gain entrance through the door, anyway. And since this was her house she refused to feel like a victim in it, no matter how much that pained look in his eyes pulled at the strings of her heart. She was going be strong and stand firm with him.

Barrington wished he could be that strong. “I’m sorry I rushed out on you like that,” he went on with his apology anyway. Not bothering to pretend she didn’t know what he meant she half laughed and half grunted. “Rushed out?” she repeated not believing his skewed memory. “Is that what you’re calling it?” “You knew my schedule was up in the air. You knew I was going back on tour and, you knew I had to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice. I told you that much when you asked me.” Perri scoffed. “Don’t you even try to use your stupid singing career as an excuse, Barrington; I’m warning you it won’t fly.” “First of all, Perri, I take my singing very serious. Second of all, I’m not looking to use my career as an excuse.” He was tired of her constant accusations. “Look, Perri, I’m a grown-ass man. I don’t need to hide behind anything or anyone to do me.” “Is that a fact?” “It’s the truth, Perri, so help me God.” “And the truth is only God can help you out of the mess of a situation you made, Barrington. So don’t be standing here in my face fully expecting me to just rewind my feelings and turn back the hands of time between us. The past is buried; let’s not dig it up now.” “Is your love for me buried as well?” Surprised by his quick retort, she only stared at him.

“Oh, no, don’t let the cat capture your tongue now. Are you truly over me, Perri?” She'd heard enough. “The past is gone, Barrington, and so am I.” “It’s like that, huh?” “It’s exactly like that.” “We’ll see about that.” “No, you’ll see about that. It’ll just be confirmation for me. I already know where I stand on the subject.” “You may think you have your mind made up.” He grinned sheepishly. “But I’m confident you’ll change it.” “I believe that’s called cocky, Barrington and once again, you’re wrong about the outcome. When all is said and done you and I will still be through, done, and over.” She turned to walk away. Grabbing her wrist, Barrington admitted, “I should have at least woke you up and gave you a proper goodbye. I wanted to. I really wanted to make love to you again, baby. But with it being your first time, and us already having gone a couple rounds, I knew you were gonna be sorer than crap the next day, especially since I overindulged on you anyway. You were resting so peacefully I didn't have the heart to wake you, so I didn’t. For that I apologize, Perri.” You have

no idea how sorry I am. Smiling inwardly, she wondered if he realized he said

crap. Not willing to come undone in front of him, she simply said, “It doesn’t matter, it’s all water under the bridge now. It’s over with us, Barrington. You want to see Imani I won’t

stop you. Long as we both respect the proper boundaries we’re good to go.” “What boundaries?” Barrington asked thoroughly confused. “We communicate about our daughter.” Perri swallowed a wave of desire. “Get this straight right now; I’m fine. I don’t need you. We are through. Beyond contacting me concerning Imani, you leave me alone, Barrington. Understood?” There was a slight smile on his face as he challenged, “And if I don’t agree?” She raised her head determined to show him she was in charge of her own mind and everything having to do with her life. “You don’t have another option, man. Agree to my terms; don’t agree to them. However, if you refuse to agree to my terms then Journey becomes the go-between for us.” He scoffed, tossing her a hateful look. “I’m not going through Journey to see my own daughter, Perri. This is between me and you so let’s keep it that way.” Without a flinch, she said, “Then you’ll respect the boundaries.” Freeing her wrist from his grasp, looking him in the eye, she said, “Goodbye and goodnight, G-Man.” She walked to the door, opened it, and stood back for him to exit. Barrington was truly baffled by Perri’s take on their relationship and why it went sour all of a sudden, every bit to his surprise. And why was she acting like the innocent one? She wasn’t the victim, he was. She’d cut ties with him

not the other way around, yet she sat right in front of him and twisted the whole situation around to be his fault with him looking like the villain. He wondered what was up with that. A tender smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he recalled the powerful coupling between him and Perri the last time they made love. The impact of what they'd shared had been so explosive he could still feel the effects of it now. And as another part of his anatomy not so subtly reminded him, at this very moment, he still wanted Perri in his bed as well as his life. But she was so hell-bent on believing the worst in him. Why? It didn't make sense as he stood there mentally piecing the puzzle of their last night together—specifically the last hour of their time spent in each other's arms.

After sharing a very intense lovemaking session with Perri, when he'd finally come back down to earth, Barrington apologized to her. She was half dazed. “What are you sorry for?” she'd asked him. “I didn't mean to go this far into the water,” he said, still buried inside her. “But neither one of us drowned.” She attempted humor to lift him back up. It took him a moment to consider her response. He finally laughed. Relieved, she joined him as they laughed until they were making out again.

“Just know this, Perri.” “Yes?” Looking at him, she waited. “I won't abandon you or anyone else that happens to be part of us.” He hoped she wasn't pregnant, but if she was . . . “I won't hurt you, sweet Perri.” She smiled affectionately. “I believe you, baby.” And the look she bestowed upon Barrington let him know she believed him with all her heart which in turn warmed his heart. He chuckled, thinking about her next comment, which totally threw him for a loop. “Hey, what if I want you to hit me, Barrington?” “Hit you?” he repeated, shocked by her words. What was she saying? Because it sounded to him like she might have a little FP in her. The pure male breed in him wanted to hoop, holler, and yell thinking he got himself a woman with freak potential. “Yeah,” she said, raising her head, she looked into his eyes. “What if I want you to hurt me so good, I forget to scream your name?” She then winked at him. Barrington realized then she was just messing with him. “Perri . . . girl . . . go to sleep,” was all he could get out; however, he spanked her butt and awarded her a big grin. She laughed out loud. “Okay.” “Three hours later, Barrington awoke to the sound of the ringtone on his cell phone. He quickly snatched it up before it woke up the beautiful woman nestled in his arms. “What?”

“Time to roll, Barrington,” Toby, his manager, informed him. Barrington looked at the clock on his night stand. It’s three in the morning, the functioning part of his mind screamed. “Are you kidding me right now?” “No, but we do have to go right now.” He frowned, not caring that he was whining, “What’s the rush?” “You've got a last minute guest spot appearance on Video Soul. Donnie Simpson is away on location and, since you're scheduled to be there day after tomorrow anyway, he thought it would be good exposure for you to fill in for him tomorrow night. And you know I'm inclined to agree.” That information pulled Barrington fully awake. “Have you already talked to Crush? And everybody else, too?” “Done deal; everyone's here at Charlotte Douglass Airport. All we waiting on is you. Crush contacted your pilot explaining the emergency. Take off time is in fortyfive minutes, so hurry up and meet us here.” “All right, man.” He paused, both excited and disappointed. “But you know what, Toby?” Barrington looked down at sweet Perri sleeping so soundly in his arms. He smiled at the slight smile she wore in her sleep. “You couldn't have picked a worse time.” He hung up the phone seriously thinking of waking Perri up to make love to her. She picked that moment to snuggle closer, resting her head on his bare chest and her soft, silky, curly brown

hair tickled him as it lay spread across his stomach. Damn. He definitely didn't have the heart to wake her up now so he held her for ten more minutes, memorizing the feel of her in his arms; she fit so perfect he knew she was made for him to love. And he did love him some Perri. Forty-five minutes later, Barrington sat staring out the window as his plane cleared for takeoff, carrying him thousands of miles away from the one woman he knew he'd love for the rest of his natural life. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as flashbacks of their heated and intense lovemaking filled every nook, cranny, and crevice of his mind. He felt the blood pooling in his lower region just thinking about it. The smile was quickly replaced by concern for Perri, and contempt for himself. Remembering what he'd failed to do, again he cursed inwardly for his stupid mistake. After assuring Perri he didn't want to hurt her, Barrington may have gone and done just that. And though it wasn't intentional, he cursed himself anyway. He had to talk to Perri. But after giving herself to him completely each time they made love, he knew she was probably too spent to be awake yet. He was definitely glad he didn't wake her up, deciding to write her a letter instead, with strict instructions for his housekeeper, Nia, to give it to her the moment she woke up. After writing the letter explaining to Perri why he wasn't there when she woke up, Barrington suddenly wished he could be there in person to apologize to her again for his

mistake. At least if she then regretted him not pulling out, he could have eased her mind by reassuring her he'd never abandon her or any child they may have created together in their heated desire to devour each other like it was all right without making sure his glove was sealed tight before giving her good love the rest of the night. He still couldn’t believe he’d been so caught up in the rapture with Perri that he got stupid and forgot to wear a condemn because he'd been so careful to suit up the first couple times. He knew he should have let her sleep. But no, he had to have more. He just couldn't get enough of her, and knowing he was her first and only, well . . . . Barrington knew he had to talk to Perri. Soon! Leaning his head back against the head rest, he closed his eyes, hoping Perri would forgive him for failing to protect her. He finally succumbed to fatigue and slumbered in deep sleep. Bringing his thoughts back to the present, Barrington shook the fog from his brain still not able to piece together exactly what Perri thought he'd done so wrong she just up and ducked on him without any kind of explanation, reasonable or otherwise. His note explained in detail that he’d suddenly had to leave before dawn to do a guest spot appearance on Video Soul the following day. He left strict instructions with Nia to make sure Perri got it as soon as she was awake because he didn’t want her to be alarmed or upset about his absence and that he would call her as soon as he got a free moment. He’d put it all in black and

white on paper for her to read. She had to know he would never run out on her without a good reason, and for sure, he wouldn’t let her think he’d used her like some meaningless groupie. They were a couple for crying out loud. She’d said every hurtful thing she could think to say, never once mentioning the letter he left behind. Why? And in the following days, weeks, and eventually months that he’d tried to reach out to her she refused to pick up the phone and never bothered to answer even one of his numerous letters. Truth be told, he was the one who felt used by her. Not that being a man he’d ever admit that to her. Watching her wrap her arms about her body, Barrington studied her guarded profile for the longest time, knowing he wasn’t going to get any further with Perri tonight concerning the subject and decided to let it go for now. But in the not so distant future, he would pick their conversation —if that’s what you want to call it—back up where it left off. Perri could count on that much. And it would take place soon too, he reaffirmed to himself. “Goodnight, Perri,” Barrington said through clenched teeth. He let his intense gaze roam over her body, fighting inwardly not to take her in his arms and make love to her right there in the open doorway. His intense stare caused a major wave of desire to course through every inch of her body, resting the sweet spot between her legs that only he knew the secret to. Perri raised her head curiously. “Was there something else you wanted?”

Barrington smiled in spite of himself, knowing, feeling he’d caused her to come just as unnerved as she’d made him as far as human mating instincts went. “Just know, Perri, this is not the end of this conversation.” “It is as far as I’m concerned.” “We’ll see about that,” Barrington told her in a tone that let her know he meant business. Thinking of his sweet daughter, he said, “Tell Cupcake I’ll see her tomorrow and give her a big hug and kiss for me.” And he was gone. Her accusing memory not giving his warning a second thought to marinate in her brain, Perri walked back in the living room and flipped on the TV. Picking up the empty food trays, she made her way to the kitchen. After tossing the mess in the garbage, she went to the cabinet and took out a glass, heading for the fridge. Halfway to the refrigerator, the glass slipped from her hand and shattered in a gazillion pieces around her feet; she ignored it and dashed back to the living room. Mindlessly, she clutched her heart as she listened to Jan Jeffcoat reporting on the details of a robbery that had taken place at Captain D’s just over two hours ago. She swallowed back the fear along with bile that rose to her throat just thinking about the fact that Barrington would have been holed up in that place at the exact time the robbery took place. She remembered the sudden cold chill she got right before she suggested that Barrington come here so they could order in instead. Bringing a shaky hand to her mouth, she sent up a prayer of thanks that he had taken her

up on her suggestion. At that moment, she realized something that she had all but been willing to admit; she still cared deeply about Barrington’s well-being. More than cared; she was still in love with her first and only love. She wanted so badly to pick up the phone and call him and had to fight like the dickens not to do just that. She startled at the sound of the ringing phone, but she quickly snatched it up, somehow knowing exactly who was on the other end. “Barrington . . .” the tears slipped past her eyelids. “Yeah, how’d you know it was me?” “I felt it,” she admitted, “and you were on my mind and . . .” A sob escaped her throat. “Perri, are you crying? What’s wrong, baby?” he prepared to make a U-turn at the intersection and head back to her place quick, fast and in a hurry. “Perri?” he called her name again when she didn’t answer him. His heart slipped into overdrive when he heard her sniffling. “Baby, please?” “I’m here,” she whispered on a sob. “What happened?” He glanced at the clock on his console. “I haven’t been gone but a good ten minutes.” Barrington prayed it wasn’t something wrong with his daughter. “Where’s Imani, Perri?” He didn’t bother to wait for the oncoming car that was two feet away before he turned out ahead of it. He completely ignored the horn that beeped at him. “Barrington . . .” was all she could say.

“Hold tight, baby, I’m on my way back now. Don’t open the door for anyone until I get there. You hear me, Perri?” Why wasn’t she answering him? He imagined all kind of horrible things that could have happened after he left her. When she didn’t respond soon enough for his liking, he felt tears stinging the back of his eyes as he pressed the gas pedal, determined to get back to her house as quick as possible. “Perri,” he repeated her name a second time. “Um-hmm.” She sniffed. “Hang tight for me, sweet Perri. I’m almost there; just two lights away.” Barrington’s heart was racing in his chest. “I’m coming, baby, I need you to wait for me, okay?” Jumping out of his truck, he sprinted up her walkway. “I’m here, Perri. Let me in, baby—” Flinging the door open, she threw herself in his arms, knocking his cell phone to the ground, but she didn’t care. Barrington was there with her and she could see for herself that he was fine, and that’s all that she cared about at the moment. Closing his eyes, Barrington wrapped his arms around her tight. He didn’t know what was going on with her but he knew he needed to be right there with her, in his mind nothing else mattered except his two favorite girls. “Is Imani sick?” He wanted to see her face, but refused to release her from his embrace. It was too soon. He needed to hold her; needed to feel her heart beat against his chest; needed her to feel his heart against her chest. He just needed his Perri.

Perri could only shake my head, no. “Are you sick? You got another migraine? Again, she shook her head, no. Relieved, Barrington sighed and pulled her closer. “Perri, I’m running on empty here. Help me out. Tell me what happened when I left?” He made soothing circles over her back. Taking a deep breath, she said, “I just needed to see you again, Barrington. Is that okay?” She was unsure of how he’d respond although she didn’t know why considering he’d never made his feelings for her a secret. An easy smile spread across his lips. “Is it okay?” He couldn’t believe she had to ask. Barrington pulled back just enough to look down in her eyes. “My baby, I’ve never felt more okay about anything in my life.” Before she could think about it, Perri kissed him, surprising him more than her. Barrington licked his lips, grinning. “I don’t know what that was for, or what happened to make you so bold, but I’m glad for it,” he admitted. “Don’t say that, Barrington.” She buried her head in his chest. “Please don’t say that.” “Whoa, baby.” Confused, he shook his head. “What exactly did happen to trigger this kind of reaction out of you?” “A robbery happened.” Looking around, he said, “Here?” His blood started to boil. “Someone tried to break in here on my babies?” He

didn’t mean to get loud on her. He softened his tone, “Please talk to me.” “No,” she shook her head, “no one tried to break in here.” “Where then?” he demanded some answers. “At Captain D’s.” What the hell? Captain D’s? “What?” Barrington was thoroughly confused. “Start over.” “Captain D’s, Barrington. Someone robbed them,” she said as if that explained it. He studied her features with awareness, trying to detect if he’d missed something. “Why you looking at me like that?” She frowned. “I may look a hot mess, but I’m not crazy.” Barrington blinked twice before saying, “You’re this upset and damn near in a state of hysteria because someone robbed a Captain D’s?” Knowing he totally did not get it, she explained, “Not just a Captain D’s, Barrington. The one that you were planning to stop off at before you came here earlier.” Understanding slowly dawned on him. She was so upset because she was worried about him, well, what she imagined could have happened to him had he been in Captain D’s when the robbery was in progress. Thank You, God! Barrington didn’t mean to, but he couldn’t help the grin that stretched across his lips. “You were worried about me, Perri?” He needed to hear it.

She shoved her weight against his chest and then tightened her arms around him. “This is not funny, you know.” He was actually amused. “Someone may have been hurt for all you know.” “So you cry over everyone that the News reports got hurt?” He wanted to laugh out loud as he watched her eyes widen then narrow then widen again before her beautiful face settled into a sulking scowl. He thought Perri honestly didn’t know if she wanted to slug him or hug him. He didn’t know why she had to be such a stubborn ass. But she was his baby, and he loved him some her. Willie Clayton’s song popped into his mind and he almost started singing, I Love Me Some You. “Fine, Barrington, you got me,” Perri conceded. “I was worried about what could have happened to you, knowing the robbery was at the same Captain D’s you were going to stop at.” That sobered him quick. “But I didn’t go. Baby, I was right here with you when it happened.” “Only because I had a bad feeling,” she insisted, “something kept telling me to call you back.” Perri sighed hard and loud when his grin spread all the way across his gorgeous face. “Fine,” she grated through clinched teeth. “You’re such a man,” she complained. My man. “Why you getting upset with me, baby? You saved me.” Perri laughed in spite of herself. “You’re incorrigible. “I’m not the one being complicated here.” “I care about you, Barrington,” she blurted. “I’m woman

enough to admit I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. So, yes, I’m glad you were here with me instead of there where you could have been the one to get hurt.” She shook her head. “Not that I’m glad someone else got hurt,” she quickly amended. “I hate that it happened to anybody, period.” “Well, I’m sure you had to have watched the news to know anything about this. What did they say?” He was still smiling, but he would allow her time to accept her feelings for him. “Barrington!” “Hmm,” he said simply. “No,” she admitted, “fortunately no one was hurt. But that’s totally not the point.” “And what is the point?” He was going to make her say it out loud. She blinked several times. “You’re enjoying this,” she accused. “I sure am,” Barrington said unashamedly. She sighed loudly, stepping out of his arms. “You’re impossible.” “And you love me.” “I don’t know how you jumped to that conclusion but—” “You do, Perri. Just admit it, I won’t tell anybody.” That you know, he silently added. “Barrington, I was just scared for you.” “But I wasn’t even there when the robbery took place. I

was here with you, baby.” “I know where you were,” was all she could say and wanted to smack the smirk off his face. “Don’t get mad at me because you can’t help loving me.” Ignoring him, she said, “You could have been there, Barrington, and it could be that you may have gotten hurt.” “But I wasn’t there, Perri. I was exactly where I wanted to be; where I needed to be.” Pulling her back to his chest in spite of her squirming protest, Barrington said, “Admit, it, Perri.” He kissed her before she could respond audibly, but respond physically, she definitely did. Weaving her arms around Barrington’s back, she returned his passionate kisses. Wanting more and feeling like she couldn’t get close enough to him, she moaned her frustration in his mouth. “Barrington . . .” she whispered when he released her lips. Her eyes involuntarily drifted shut when she felt him delivering warm, moist, sweet kisses to her neck, traveling to her shoulder blade. He knows that’s was one of my spots. Instead of pulling away like she knew she should have, she tilted her neck giving him more access. “Sweet, Perri,” Barrington whispered between nibbles. “Barrington,” she moaned his name. “I’ve missed you so much, baby. So much,” he repeated. “I’ve missed you too, sweetie,” she finally admitted. Framing her face, he said softly, “Thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for?” “For your true confessions,” he clarified and smiled. “I’ve waited so long to taste you again, the sweet honey inside your luscious mouth.” Capturing her lips again, Barrington swept her up in his arms and carried her to the living room. Halfway through sitting down on the couch and placing her in his lap, they heard Imani crying. She wasn’t just crying, she was screaming bloody murder. Perri jumped up like they’d been caught doing the nasty in Madear’s house. Not taking the time to see his reaction, she took off toward Imani’s room with Barrington close on her heels. Pushing the door open, Barrington pushed past her, reaching their daughter first. Picking Imani up, Barrington crooned, “Don’t cry, Cupcake. Daddy and Mommy are here.” Blinking in surprise, Perri couldn’t believe it. Imani calmed right down at the sound of her daddy’s soothing words. Well, actually it was his voice, period, but she wasn’t ready to admit that to anyone including herself just yet. Instead, she continued to watch Barrington handle their daughter with kid gloves and tons of love. Tears came to her eyes but she quickly swallowed them back and slipped out of the room, softly closing the door behind her.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN Perri stared at the official looking document for quite some time, too stunned, shocked, humiliated, ashamed, and hurt to respond with any kind of decency. She wanted to yell, pinch, slap, and choke Barrington. The man's nerve had no ending in sight. How dare he insult her with his little . . . well, his big and more than generous offering? Feeling a jolt of jealousy course through her being, she wanted to cry but was too mad and outraged to do so, at least not in front of him. He'd taken too much from her already; she wasn't about to hand more of herself over to him without a fight. And she meant a knock-down-drag-out fight. “Now, before you go off the deep end, Perri, hear me out first.” Perri fixed a cold-blooded gaze on him. “There is nothing you can say I wanna hear. I'm not for sale and neither is my child.” Giving her a look as evil as her own, Barrington said through gritted teeth, “I didn't say you were, neither did I imply it, Perri.” “Is that right?” She glanced down at the papers in her hand. “That's exactly what you did by taking it upon yourself to have this stupid document drawn up.” Perri tossed the papers at him, not caring if his feelings were hurt. He'd overstepped his boundary one too many times where her daughter was concerned; he took too much for granted,

assuming she'd go along with whatever suggestions he and his entourage of attorneys had come up with. She didn't care how much money he had; he was not going to intimidate her into agreeing to anything that granted him more entrance and say in she and her daughter's life than necessary. As far as she was concerned, this was totally unnecessary. She was doing just fine on her own when it came to providing for Imani's needs, whatever they may be, so she didn't see she had any use for his money or anything else he might want to throw their way like they were some sort of charity he'd reluctantly agreed to sponsor. Well, he can go straight to the altar and repent of that mess. “There is nothing stupid about me wanting to provide for my child, make sure she's taken care of in every way, Perri,” he argued. “And what's that supposed to mean?” “Look—” “I take good care of my child,” she cut him short, wanting to choke him. “Yes, Perri, you have taken good care of our daughter; that's not in question here.” “Then what is, Barrington?” Frustrated with her attitude and lack of gratitude, Barrington tried to explain his position, “Perri, all I did was have my lawyer draw up the papers for me to legally provide for my child, both now and in the event something happens to me, or you, for that matter.” “I hadn't planned on going anywhere anytime soon,

Barrington.” “Funny, Perri. You know like I know time is not promised to any of us. Being that you've already cut the time I have with my daughter short, I don't see what you're even complaining about, like you really got room to oppose anything.” “I was wondering how long it would take you to hum this tune again.” His words stung but she wasn't going to let him see her sweat. “Look, Barrington, I'm sorry I kept Imani a secret from you, I'm sorry you're hurt, and I'm sorry I can't give you back that missing time. But I'll be damned if I keep on allowing you to throw that mistake up in my face when you yourself have made one just as fatal as mine, holding you accountable for at least half of the fact that you were kept in the dark about Imani's existence.” Confused, he demanded, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” “Think about it, Barrington. You knew just like I knew that we didn't take the measures necessary to protect us from an unwanted pregnancy the last time we made love,” she accused. “So don't you dare be sitting over there judging me, throwing all your hostility my way when you are just as much to blame as me, and while I may not have come forth and told you of my pregnancy you had to have known it was a real possibility. And, yes, I know I refused your phone calls and didn’t respond to any of the letters you sent me. Yet you didn’t see fit to hop on your Lear Jet and come back here seeking me out for the truth either, did

you?” It angered Barrington more that he couldn't argue with Perri. He had known it was a possibility he could have gotten her pregnant. But he never thought in a million years that she'd intentionally not tell him if he had and that was what hurt the most about her betrayal. “So, the way I see it, I'm not the only one in the wrong here. You are every bit as much to blame as me. Why don't you take responsibility for that and admit you failed our daughter, too?” “Well, I'm trying to make up for lost time, Perri. Can you say the same?” Perri snorted. “And you think throwing your money at her will do that?” “What are you talking about, Perri? I'm supposed to and the law fully expects me to support my child. I'm not some deadbeat father who's going out of his way to avoid financial responsibility for my daughter; my obligation is to her and her alone. So what are you upset about?” Snatching the papers from him, Perri proceeded to read them aloud, “Barrington Knight agrees to pay Perri Milan child support dating back to the time their daughter, Imani Sinclair Milan was conceived.” She read the lumpsum payment, fighting tears. “That amount will be followed by a monthly allotment to be deposited in Perri's account the first business day of every month.” “And the problem is?” She could only stare at him dumbfounded.

“You don't think that's enough, is that it?” “There is no need for your money, period.” “There is definitely a need, Perri. Surely even you won't deny me the right to honor my obligation to our daughter.” “This is not about money, Barrington, and if you think it is, then you never knew me at all. I don't need your child support payments, past or present.” “Good, Perri, because it's not for you; it's for our daughter. And I don't care what you say, Imani does need it and she's entitled to it.” “You say what you want, but I know what you're doing.” “And what might that be in the view your misguided perception?” “You’re just trying to carve out a bigger space for yourself in Imani’s heart than me, and you’re using your money and prestige to do it,” she continued to rail on him. “So what if you can give her more material things than me for now. But I’ve been with her since conception and never one time have I ever neglected her needs. And I didn’t need to use money or a lack of it in order to do it because all it took was my unconditional love which she’s had from the moment I realized she was in my womb. And that, Barrington, was her safe haven for nine months! You’ve been on the scene for what? A good two days, and suddenly you know more about what’s best for her than me. Why? Do you thing because you have more money to offer that’s supposed to make you more fit to care for her needs than me?”

Jerking Perri by the wrist, hauling her to her feet, Barrington hissed, “Don’t you ever say something that hateful to me again,” he warned. God knows he loved this woman more than his life, but he would not stand by and let the love he felt for his own flesh and blood child become tainted by the ugly description she just depicted; it just simply wasn’t going to be. Not on his watch! And being around to watch, he certainly planned to be regardless of what Perri said or didn't say; it didn't matter to him, because he was in their life to stay. “I would never use my child or my best friend to hide behind; that’s your department, Miss I’m-not-gonna-tell-himand-keep-my-baby-all-to-myself, judgmental Perri!” He dared her to deny it. “And as far as you having been the one Imani depended on from the first, that’s not my fault, either. You're the one, Perri, who kept me in the dark!” Narrowing his eyes to mere slits, he said, “And I don’t care what you say, you didn’t do it for my good. You want me to believe it was about my career, the reason you didn’t tell me. But we both know that’s a load of horse shit. Don’t we?” Not giving her time to respond, he went on to tell her exactly what he’d felt since finding out the truth that she went to great lengths to hide from him. His grip tightened slightly on her wrist but he was so mad he didn’t notice Perri wince, or that his fingers had begun to dig into her sensitive flesh. “This, Perri, was about you trying to be in control of every damn thing that happens in your life whether good or

bad, and since you always assume it’s gonna turn out bad for you, you have to exert yourself sole ruler, and reign over every single detail; never mind that it involves more than just you. You’re so selfish in that aspect,” he accused, “which keeps me confused as hell where we’re concerned because I know for myself what a good and kind heart you’ve got beating inside that beautiful chest of yours.” “Don’t you worry about me, I don’t want or need you, Barrington,” Perri let the words rip from her mouth like a switch blade, slicing and dicing him up with each syllable. For a split second, she thought he was going slap her, and fully prepared herself to knock the fire-hell out of him if he had so much as raised his voice at her right then. Then she decided that was just stupid because she knew in her heart Barrington was not the type to abuse any woman no matter how angry he got with her; he'd walk away or hurt himself first. “I’m not worried about you, Perri, I’m concerned about you, and there is a difference. Every time shit gets hard you wanna shut down and become this ice cold princess with a frozen heart inside; only it’s a betrayal to your soul because you’re not naturally a mean-spirited person.” Barrington shook his head, feeling anger rage through him; anger he'd tried to stow away because he didn't want to take it out on Perri. But this thing of her constantly questioning his intentions was waning on his patience. Too far gone to stop now, he went on to say, “And yet you had absolutely no qualms about not telling me you were carrying my child; still

wouldn’t have if I hadn’t ran into you at the damn mall, where you went on to conduct a masquerade and compromise Journey’s position by arranging for it to appear as if Imani was her daughter. Then you give me some lame excuse about not wanting to ruin my career like that justifies your lies.” Barrington stared through the stranger before him and wanted to shake her senseless. “As close as we were, Perri, it hurts to know you thought so little of me and my love for you; of the place you held in my heart, that was yours and yours alone. How could you do that to me, Perri? How could you do that to us? Most of all, how could you do that to our daughter? No matter how you felt about me, what you felt I’d done to you, whatever; you had no, and I mean no right to keep your pregnancy a secret from me. I had a say, too, woman! And you, with your self-righteous self took it away. Like that,” he snapped his finger in her face. “Barrington, that’s not—” “Fair?” he interrupted her. “Is that what you were gonna say, Perri? Hell, what am I asking? Of course that’s what you were gonna say. See how you twist the situation around to make yourself out to be the victim?” He shook his head. “That’s not good; you’re in total denial where your actions were concerned which only tells me you know you were wrong for what you done.” “Barrington, if you’d just listen—” “No, you listen. I loved you. I gave you my heart, Perri, and you accepted it just to turn right around and throw it

back in my face with no explanation when you were embedded in my soul. I branded you, girl; you were mine and you meant everything to me. But it didn’t matter because in the end you still left me.” “You didn’t wanna ruin my career,” he mocked her words to him. “To hell with my career, Perri, we’re talking about my baby! I would have cut back on the gigs I accepted and found a way to make do, so long as you and I were together. To me nothing else mattered as much as having you in my life and being an intricate part of your life. But that didn’t matter to you, Perri. It didn’t matter that I loved you more than life itself. You still went and did what you wanted to do and to hell with me and what I might want.” Barrington glared at her, his eyes cold and hard. “You had no right, Perri. Is it finally sinking in? Do you even really begin to understand what you cost me? Do you still not care? How dare you decide my future for me! I loved you then. I love you now. I still want you in my life even after all the pain you caused me,” he confessed. “Hell, fool that I am, if I thought you’d let me get away with it, I’d take you right here and now, Perri.” He shook his head, fighting the urge to kiss her face off. “I resent the fact you still have that kind of power over me when you clearly don’t give a damn about me. At least not enough to be decent enough to include me in the pregnancy which was really our pregnancy, or even the birth of our baby; that was wrong, Perri, and you know it. You had no right!” Perri blinked several times in an effort to hold back

tears. His words stung. Partly because they were true and partly because she knew he knew she knew they were true. Unable to speak she simply lowered her eyes. What did she do that for? Seeing and feeling his hand no matter how firm a grip it had on her wrist was enough to make Perri want to cave in and let Barrington be her shelter as well as a safe haven for the precious daughter they shared. “You’re hurting me.” She jerked her wrist free from his tight grip. Seeing her palm her wrist absentmindedly, Barrington felt a crack of pain in his gut when he saw his fingerprints upon her flesh; he’d forgotten how easily she bruised. Feeling every bit of the guilt that weighed so heavily upon his shoulders, he silently berated himself, knowing there was no excuse for manhandling Perri. “I’m sorry, Perri,” he said softly, his voice thick with emotion. “I'd never intentionally physically hurt you.” “No, but emotional abuse is so much better!” she spat the words at him like venom. Barrington closed his eyes to shut out her words that hurt him more than she knew and he knew he would feel the sting of them long after she’d forgotten she even said them. “This constant bickering back and forth about who’s right and who’s wrong for Imani is getting us nowhere. And fast!” Abruptly, she turned to flee. Barrington blocked her way. “No, Perri! This time you’re not gonna run away.” Refusing to budge, he added, “And furthermore, this is not a competition although you

seem hell-bent on making it one, for what, I don’t know, because I sure as hell am not thinking about money; I’m thinking about my daughter. And I would think you would be, too,” his eyes challenged her to disagree. “Besides, I could bestow upon her a million and one gifts and it wouldn’t matter because she’s too young to know or care about money, power or clout. So why keep sweating me about that? You’re a smart woman, Perri, with a brilliant mind, so I know you know as well as I do that kids spell love: T-I-M-E. Children don’t reason like adults do. Hell, most adults’ reason like children when it comes to time because they equate it with love—just like children. So where’s the harm in me wanting my daughter in my life on a full-time basis?” His eyes searched hers, desperate for her to see that he is not her enemy. “Tell me, Perri, if you can.” “Barrington, please move.” He shook his head. “I can’t do that, Perri. Because if I do I know we’re gonna be through, and I’m sorry for you, but I’m not ready to end our story now, especially not when it has the potential to be so sweet; if you let it, Perri. Stop fighting and let things progress the way it’s meant to be.” Bringing his forehead down against hers, he whispered, “I dare you.” His words shook her to the core and Perri could feel the truth of them in the essence of her being. Barrington had no idea what he was doing. He was killing her softly with his kindness and he didn’t know it. Or did he? She searched his eyes for the truth. No, he definitely didn’t know

the power of love he still wielded over her. “Perri, on one count you are right. As far as Imani’s life is concerned, I am trying to make my own special place that’s mine alone, because she’s my baby, and she and I both deserve that type of relationship,” he confessed. “My sweet Perri, there’s no need for you to be jealous,” he promised. “You’re Imani’s mother and she’s your child. Your place in her life is a given, Perri; set apart and special, yours alone, and you and her both deserve that type of relationship because mothers and daughters have a special and unique bond between them. But so do fathers and daughters because little girls love their daddies. And this daddy does love his little girl, and that’s all I want you to understand, Perri. Just be willing to give me my equal rights in Imani’s life. Share our daughter, her time, and her love with me. Please?” Barrington pleaded. Tears were building in Perri’s eyes. He was fighting dirty, showing her heartfelt kindness for the mean spirit she went out of her way to attack him with. She had to give it to the man; he had her thinking hard, though she wouldn’t readily admit that to him now, if ever. “I need to be alone, Barrington. Please go now.” “Perri . . .” “Barrington, I need time to think. Please give it to me.” “But . . .” “Because I’m gonna take it whether you like it or not.” “You always do,” he complained. “And I always will. Now, go because I can’t think straight

in your presence.” Blowing out a puff of air, Barrington raised his eyes to the ceiling in an effort to exercise patience. “Fine,” he conceded. Sighing in relief, she said, “Thank you.” “Don’t thank me, Perri. This conversation is not over. Not by a long shot.” As if his last statement were supreme law, Barrington walked to the front door, then turned to say, “Tell Cupcake I love her,” and he was gone.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN “What are you doing here so early?” Perri snapped, irritated at his unannounced morning arrival. Having woken up before dawn ever cracked the sky this morning, barely able to keep an iron-grip on his temper as it was, Barrington mockingly snapped back, “Cut the bullshit, Perri, you know damn well exactly what pressing family matter needed my immediate attention bad enough to bring me to your doorstep so early this morning. Now, we need to talk. Question is, are we gonna air our dirty laundry on your front porch, or will you invite me in to afford us the privacy we desperately need in this particular matter, delicate as it is?” Perri rolled her eyes, turning her back on him, she started back to the kitchen, flinging over her shoulder, “As usual, you swoop in like Casper the friendly ghost, toting your barely concealed anger in dramatic fashion. And I’d venture to say this could have waited until I got off work, though I doubt you’d admit it seeing it would be too much like right for you in your current state of anger denial.” Barrington took a deep breath, then followed her and almost smiled at her ability to read, what he thought, were his highly tamed emotions, considering her deliberate deception is what set his mind and teeth on edge from the start. However, if his woman asked him point blank, he wasn’t going to deny that he wanted her back in his bed for the rest of his natural life. “Whatever, Perri,” he retorted. “I

want my fair share of equal time with Imani, period. So put out or not, you’re just going to have to make time to discuss my daughter’s future with me, because I can assure you that I will be an integral part of it.” “Barrington, don’t you think you’re being a little demanding.” “No, Perri, I don’t. You’re just being unreasonable, per usual. Besides, you didn’t listen very carefully. I said I wanted equal time with our daughter when, like now, I am in town. And furthermore, if you’d just let yourself imagine how sane the three of us under one roof actually is in the long run, then you’d see that there is a rhyme and reason for my proposal of marriage,” he said as a matter of fact. Dumbstruck with his amazing ability to sell ice to Eskimos, Perri stared at him. Her ex was good, but she was not going to allow him to use their daughter as live bait in order for him to use this situation to his advantage. “You’re giving Imani your last name. What more do you want?” “I just told you what I want, Perri.” “No, Barrington, I’m not gonna marry you simply for a child. And there’s no way I’m giving you equal time with my daughter, you not even here long enough to see it through. You can’t just insinuate yourself in her life, she doesn’t even know you, and it’s going to take time for her to get to know you and vice versa.” “You are just grasping for excuses, lame as they are, to try and keep me from spending time with Imani. Well, I’m

standing here to tell you it is not gonna happen. The way I see it, marriage is the perfect solution because you’re not gonna rob me of any more time with my daughter.” “Sometimes you can be so asinine.” This was why she could not share a house, let alone a lifetime with the man. Sometimes she angered him so bad. “You call me what you want, just stay out of my way.”

Yeah, buddy, don’t get it twisted; you came here not the other way around. “I really don’t think you’ve thought this through. You’ve known about Imani for what, a good two days?” “Now, all of a sudden you wanna be Mr. Mom slash husband.” She shook her head at his nerve to think she’d be so naïve “You’re not thinking straight, Barrington. You’re being totally unfair.” “You know what, Perri? At the moment, I don’t much give a damn what you think of me. The fact remains we created a child together. Now, while you have a say on whether or not I’m involved in your life, you don’t get a vote when it comes to me being involved in my daughter’s life. So I suggest you get that through your stubborn mind right now, it’s not negotiable. I won’t let my child grow up never knowing me. I will not let my child grow up without me in her life.” He inched closer to her face, “Make no mistake, Perri, Imani is as much mine as she is yours, no more no less; that means I have the same say in her life as you do, probably more.” Perri could hear her heart pounding in her ears at the unspoken underlying threat. “Just what’s that remark

supposed to mean?” “If you don’t afford me some leeway concerning this matter, I will take you to court, Perri. I’m sure I won’t have much problem getting the judge to see that I deserve more say in her life than you considering you intentionally kept her existence from me,” he stated matter of fact. “And as many deadbeat fathers that pass through their courtrooms on a daily basis, do you honestly think they’re gonna offer you—a selfish mother—much pity over a concerned father who not only wants to be in Imani’s life, but is actually having to fight her mother to be a part of his child’s life? A child he should have known about all along. Seriously, Perri, have you really convinced yourself I’d be denied access to my daughter for no reason other than you just don’t want me to be part of her life?” Well, when he put it like that, she did sound crazy. Perri swallowed the fear and bile that suddenly rose in her throat. “You wouldn’t, Barrington.” He couldn’t. She fought back hurtful tears. “You’d rip a mother and child apart because I won’t marry you?” He was bluffing. She shook her head in denial. “You’re not that cruel.” No way would the man she loved do something so sadistic. He may have done some changing. And whatever else Barrington was, cruelty had never once been part of his character, and she highly doubted that much had changed. Or had it? Her head started to hurt. Refusing to be moved, Barrington was determined to stand his ground. He didn’t want to hurt Perri; she was the

mother of his child after all. At the same time, he couldn’t see letting her continue to hurt him for no good reason, either. If given a choice, court was not his pick, but she had to understand it was most definitely an option. “Unless you force me to be, Perri,” he said honestly. It was hell not to pull her in his arms and kiss that frightened look off her face, but he would do what needed to be done. “The choice is yours, Perri, and you must choose. Don’t take too long though, and don’t even think about giving me the runaround because I will hunt you down. I have the resources and the means to get to you wherever you are, and I will find you. Believe that, Perri. If you take nothing else I say to heart, you better recognize that as truth.” *** Perri drove in a total fog, her head still spinning from Barrington’s threat. Letting herself in her home, she was still dazed as she moved like a zombie to the sofa, dropping down on the cushion, wishing she had something just as soft to break the pain of the fallout she and Barrington just had over Imani. Had it really come down to battling over their daughter like she was a pawn? Why for the love of God did he have to bring marriage into the equation? It wouldn’t even be for the right reasons, for heaven’s sake. When was this drama going to end? She massaged her temples. Pain was stabbing through her head from the migraine that had acutely come on. She loosened and

removed the ponytail twister from her hair.

What am I gonna do, Lord Jesus? The phone rang and she started to ignore it, but it just kept ringing and was beginning to annoy her. “Hello?” “Hey, Sugarplum,” Madear said, “how you doing?” Tears sprang to Perri’s eyes at the sound of a familiar loving voice. “Hey, Madear,” she greeted, forcing cheerfulness in her tone. “What’s going on?” “You tell me, child. I woke up with you on my heart this morning. Of course I prayed for you, but I’ve still got a burden for you. What’s wrong, baby?” Perri bit back a sob. “Madear, I’m good.” Bringing a trembling hand to her mouth, she said, “I appreciate your prayers though.” “You don’t sound right to me, Perri.” Mattie wasn’t going to let this go. “To me you sound, well . . . you sound like you’re crying.” She paused for a response. Not receiving one, she said, “Tell me what’s wrong with you, Perri.” Really not wanting to go into a detailed synopsis, which is what Madear would expect, Perri simply said, “I’m just feeling a little emotional today; probably PMS.” “No, Perri, it don’t sound like that kind of blues to me.”

Darn it, why she gotta be so perceptive? “I’m waiting, Sugarplum.” Perri couldn’t and wouldn’t discuss the situation right now. “I’ve got a major migraine, Madear. All I wanna do is

lie down and try to sleep it off.” “Have you been to the doctor lately?” Where’d that come from? If she didn’t know better she might think Barrington had gone to her behind her back claiming she was certifiable. Deciding even he was more decent than that she thought up another excuse. “No, ma’am, but you know I sometimes get these headaches without warning,” she tried her best to explain it away. “But you haven’t had one in about two years, Perri, which tells me something must’ve happened to trigger this one. Are you telling me tall tales, child? And don’t be rolling your eyes at me, either.” Mouthing the words ‘You can’t see me’ Perri rolled her eyes anyway and immediately regretted it once another stabbing pain shot across her forehead. “Madear, really, I don’t feel too good right now. I feel like I’m about to throw up or something. Can I please call you later this week?” “I’ll call you tomorrow, child, and I’ll expect you to tell me the truth about what’s going on with you then.” Mattie softened her tone, “I love you, Sugarplum. Get some rest. Bye for now.” Hanging up the phone, Perri dashed to the bathroom and threw up for the next five minutes. When there was nothing left but dry heaving, she slowly got up, washed her hands, face, and brushed her teeth. Feeling another bout of nausea swooning in her stomach, she dragged herself to the bed and carefully lowered her body down upon it, because at this point, the slightest movement was causing

major pain. Closing her eyes, she tried to shut out the last forty-eight hours. Two hours later, someone banging hard on the door woke Perri up. Slowly rising, she got to her feet and started down the hallway feeling like her head was going to explode. The closer she got to the door the louder the banging grew and the more she wanted to just fall dead on the spot to escape the pain. Too weak to ask who it was she just opened the door a fraction, stood back, leaning up against the wall for support. What the hell? Barrington slowly eased the door wider, sticking his head inside. His heart just about stopped when he saw Perri swaying like the wind was tossing her around and she was close to falling over. Taking in her appearance —the weakness in her eyes, to her hair in disarray, noticing the paleness in her flustered cheeks and, lastly, the pain that caused her forehead to crease—he knew what was wrong with her. “Perri?” His voice was firm but gentle. “May I come in?” “I . . . oh . . . I . . .” Grabbing her head, she slid down the wall. “Perri . . .” Barrington was by her side in an instant. Gathering her limp frame, he carried her to the living room, gently placing her on the couch. “You got a migraine, don’t you?” Too weak to respond, she could only close her eyes. He felt her forehead, promising, “It’s all right, baby. I’m here now. I'll take care of you.”

She didn’t bother to put up a fight, and honestly she didn’t even want to. Perri desperately tried to make her eyes stay open but the pain was just too great to bear. “Don’t, baby,” he soothed. Taking her hand within his, Barrington leaned down, lightly kissing her forehead. He took his time observing her from head to toe, lingering a little too long on the swell of her breast rising and falling with each breath she took, and damn him, he hardened instantly. “Relax, sweet Perri. Close your eyes and sleep now.” Perri was fully dressed but felt totally naked under his probing gaze. Too tired to struggle, she meant to tell him thank you. “Don’t leave me again,” she whispered. Please . . .” she drifted. Barrington couldn’t help but smile, his heart warm. “I’m not going anywhere, baby,” he vowed. “I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.” He sat with her, holding her hand until she was settled in a deep sleep. Then gently easing her hand from his, he went to the linen closet to get a blanket of some sort. All he found was the Afghan he’d given her almost two years ago. It was enough to take him back to a time when they were happy with each other. Perri had seen the Afghan when they were windowshopping and Barrington had seen the longing in her eyes. Unable to resist it, he went back for it after taking her home and surprised her with it the following day. Smiling at the fond memory, Barrington strolled back to the living room and carefully laid the Afghan over a sound sleeping Perri.

Taking a seat in the lazy boy across from her, he watched over her for the remainder of the time she slept, replaying all the times they’d shared together and envisioning the beginning of new times that he, Perri, and Imani would create together no sooner than she allowed him space back into her life and heart. When Perri opened her eyes again, she saw Barrington sitting across from her, staring like he was just seeing her for the first time or something. She closed her eyes trying to recall when he'd even gotten there. Then it came back to her, the migraine, his stopping by unannounced, him picking her up, the couch, seeing his face, then . . . nothing . . . until this very moment. “Feeling better?” She opened her eyes and peered at his gorgeous face. He looked worried. She frowned. “I'm gonna be just fine,” she hoped that eased his concern. “That's not what I asked.” Perri wet her lips, her throat was getting sore and her mouth was dry as cotton. She tried to sit up straight but her head would not comply. Having no choice but to lie back down, her eyes involuntarily shut again. “I guess I got my answer.” He knelt down beside her. “You need anything?” “Water, please.” “I should have thought of that.” He stood. “Be right back, baby.” “Perri, are you still taking medication for those

migraines?” he asked, returning with a glass of ice water with a straw stuck down inside it. He held the glass, and with his free hand, gently slipped it behind her neck and lifted her head to make it easier for her to drink the water. Licking her lips, she allowed Barrington to guide her head back down on the throw pillows he'd no doubt propped underneath her head earlier. “No.” “Okay,” he drawled out the word, “why not?” “Didn't need to; before today, it'd been nearly two years since I last had one.” Barrington lowered his eyes then met her gaze. “So, I helped bring this on?” “That's not what I meant, Barrington.” She needed to sit up. “Don't move,” he gently urged her back down. “I know you didn't mean it that way, baby. But obviously I'm causing you unnecessary stress, and for that, I'm sorry.” “Apology accepted, though it's not necessary. It's not your fault if I allow myself to get worked up over nothing.” “Perri, I don't wanna be the one to stress you out. I want to make you happy, only, it's not as simple as I first thought it might be,” he admitted. “You're not stressing me out, baby.” “I'm not making you happy, either.” “It's not your job to make me happy. Happiness is a choice and I have to first decide that I'm gonna be happy, Barrington. That's not your problem to deal with, it's mine. And I will deal with it,” she promised.

“Why can't I be part of the solution? Let me help you, Perri.” “You can't help me, Barrington. I need to work through this on my own.” “No, Perri. We need to work through this together; we are both the reason there is an it to work through anyway. Just let me be here for you, help you sort through whatever it is you need to. I promise not to put more pressure on you.” “I appreciate the offer, Barrington. Really, I do.” “But?” he prompted. Perri smiled and decided, “No buts.” Her heart warmed as a smile spread across his luscious lips, causing her to lick her lips, thinking of his sweet kisses. “Girl, you better stop that if you don't want me to take advantage of your physical weakness at the moment,” he teased and then chuckled. Perri tried to laugh but her head was not having it. “Don't make me laugh. It's too painful at the moment.” “Sorry, baby. Just glad to see I can still make you laugh, though. It's been a minute, you know.” “Yeah, I know. Too long,” she admitted. There was a knock at the door. “You expecting someone?” he asked. “It's probably my sister dropping Imani off.” She tried to get up. “Don't you move, Perri,” Barrington ordered for the third

time. “I'll get it.” “Perri—” Tyler stopped seeing a beautiful pair of yellow-green eyes that matched those of her niece. “Oh, you're not my sister.” Barrington laughed. “No, I suppose I'm not.” He reached for his daughter. “Hey, baby, how's my Cupcake? Daddy missed you.” He kissed her soft cheek, inhaling her baby scent. Tyler walked in, closing the door behind her. “I'm assuming you're Barrington.” She knew he was. Who didn't? “I am.” “I'm Tyler, Perri's little sister.” She held out her hand and they shook. “A pleasure to meet you, Tyler,” he gingerly rubbed Imani's back. “Thanks for watching her for us and bringing her back home.” “Not a problem.” Tyler smiled at the image of father doting over his daughter. She suddenly missed her own parents. “Where's Perri?” “Lying on the couch, she doesn't feel well.” Tyler immediately headed for the living room, “Perri?” She frowned when she saw how pitiful her sister looked. “What's wrong, honey?” Perri tried to smile but it hurt too much. “Migraine,” she whispered. “You're kidding me.” Tyler glared at Barrington and said to Perri, “It's been at least a good two years since you got

one of those.” Looking back at her sister, she gently sat on the edge of the couch. “You want me to stay with you?” “No, honey, I'm fine.” Tyler frowned. “You're not fine, Perri, or you wouldn't be laid out on this couch looking like someone hit you over the head with a baseball bat.” She glared at Barrington again. “Stop fussing over me, Tyler. It'll pass, it always does.” “But you're not taking medication for it anymore, Perri, which means it won't go away quite so soon, if at all before noon tomorrow.” “I hadn't thought about it like that.” “Well, you should. You need someone here with you, at least to watch Imani.” “I can watch her.” Perri and Tyler looked at Barrington, who was busy rocking Imani. “She's almost sleep, anyway.” “That's not necessary, Barrington.” Perri looked at her sister for backup. “Tyler can stay over; she already knows what to do should Imani need something over in the night.” Barrington tried to hold his temper in check, “Perri, I'm capable of tending to my daughter's needs.” He glared at both the sisters. “And yours too.” Perri knew that look on Tyler's face. She was about to go off on Barrington. She touched her arm, “It's all right, Tyler.” She tried to smile. “You go on home. We'll be fine.” “But—”

“I'll call you if I need you,” Perri promised to cut off her forthcoming protest. Knowing it was pointless to argue with her sister when her mind was made up, Tyler sighed exaggeratedly. “Okay, Perri.” She glanced at Barrington. “Only if you're sure you don't want me to stay over?” “I want you to go home and call Madear. She's worried about me and you know how she can be at times like this.” “Yeah,” Tyler chuckled, “all up in your business.” She laughed out loud. “Exactly and you know I would laugh too, but my head, girl.” “Enough said.” Tyler stood and leaned down, planting a kiss on her sister's forehead. “I love you, Perri. I'll let Madear know what's up. Call if you need me.” She stopped in front of Barrington, gazing down at her niece. “Auntie's leaving now, sweetie. I'll see you next week.” She bent to kiss her forehead. Barrington opened the door for her while saying, “I'll take good care of them both.” “You better,” she warned. Barrington nodded with a sheepish grin. Reading his mind, Tyler added, “Only the needs to get them through the night.” They laughed. “I'll be seeing you around then?” Tyler said, already outside the door. “Count on it,” Barrington assured her. “Good enough.” Tyler closed the door behind her.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN “You did what?” “Stop shouting, Perri, I'm standing right in front of you.” “Yes, but you're not close enough for me to reach up and slap you.” Barrington chuckled. “You need to go ahead and get dressed. My folks are expecting us in two hours, but I need to make a quick stop at the studio to pick up a rough draft of our next CD.” She couldn't believe his nerve, acting like her going to meet his parents was the most normal thing in the world. Why would she want to meet his parents? All they probably wanted to do was rake her over the coals for not telling their precious son about his daughter, their granddaughter, in the first place. Knowing exactly what dangerous path her mind had taken, he assured her, “They only want to meet you, Perri, talk to you. Get to know you, you know.” “No, Barrington, I don't know. All I know is that you have no business making plans for me without my knowledge or consent.” “Would you have given me permission had I asked?” “No.” She wasn't gonna lie. “That's exactly why I didn't bother to check with you first.” “That's no excuse for roping me, backing me into a

corner, and then watching me squirm.” she squinted, giving him the evil eye. “You're enjoying this.” “I sure am.” Barrington chuckled. “Don't act like it's the end of the world, Perri. I mean, worse things have happened to you. You act like you're going to the whipping post or something.” He laughed when she rolled her eyes at him. “That would depend on whose eyes you're looking through, now wouldn't it? Considering I can only look through my own eyes, the way I see it, you set me up. You know it. Admit it.” But Barrington denied it, “I did not set you up, baby. What would be the purpose? Like it would accomplish anything other than making you even more guarded around me.” He shook his head ruefully. “No, Perri, you're wrong about this one. I know I'd be an absolute fool to risk setting you up and losing you for good.” “Who told you, you even had me.” It wasn't a question. He laughed. “Always the smart-mouth beauty,” he quipped. “I don't mind. I know I'm getting next to you when you continually deny it, but your body always lets me know exactly what time it is.” He smirked knowing she didn't like his observation one bit. “And what time might that be, Barrington? No, wait,” she held up her hands to stave off his reply, “let me take a stab at the answer; it’s the time just before you seek the overbearing wolverines on me.” That smart-ass comment irritated him. “My folks aren't

like that,” he snapped at her. “You don't know them, Perri, so I'd appreciate you not judging them before you do.” “And I'd appreciate you not trying to force feed them down my throat, or vice versa. But since it seems neither of us is getting what we want without a fuss, let's just shelve it for now.” “Does that mean you're gonna go?” he asked full of hope. “Like I really have much of a choice; I'm sure you've already bad-mouthed me to them enough and—” “Hold up, baby,” Barrington raised an impatient hand at her. “I don't put my business in the street. I'm a grown man, capable of making my own decisions. I don't go running home to mommy and daddy when my life takes a sudden turn for the worse.” He wanted her to understand that right now. “You need to recognize, baby,” he said none too friendly. “Is that a threat?” she asked, hoping it was just so she could justify not going. “Call it what you will. The point is my folks just found out they have a granddaughter.” He shrugged. “Naturally, they want to meet her mother.” “What did you tell them?” “Just that you're going to be my wife,” he said with a wolfish grin he knew she would take exactly as he meant to make it sound, because it was the truth; Perri would be his wife soon. “Please tell me it isn’t so? What did you go and do,

Barrington?” He laughed out loud. “Well, I did say exactly what I just told you I said to my parents.” She glared at him. “What you did was lie to them.” “It's not a lie, Perri.” “What would you call it, Barrington?” “Calling things that are not as though they were; it's called speaking it into existence.” He grinned at her. Perri had to laugh because she could see he was clearly serious. However, she did inform him, “You can't go around claiming a woman who doesn't want you. Because if you saying something enough times makes me change my mind and fall into your arms, that Barrington, is called manipulation, pure and simple. And there's nothing spiritual about it, either, just in case you thought taking a spiritual principle and twisting it around to fit your need was okay.” “You tell me that when you're saying, 'I do’ and you will I’m sure.” “Whatever, Barrington,” she sailed right past him, went to her room, shut and locked the door. Hearing him chuckle all the way up the hall, she smiled. *** Twenty minutes later, they were heading down the highway toward the studio. “I'll be right back, baby.” Barrington hopped out the

Escalade. Perri reclined the seat and leaned her head back and, closing her eyes, she tried to ease her jittery nerves. It still ticked her off that Barrington would pull a number like this, so she knew to calm down before they got to his parents' home. One thing Madear taught them was common courtesy, and she hadn't planned on embarrassing herself with his parents and giving them any more ammunition to fire her way. She jumped, startled by a tap on the window, and quickly grew angry seeing the intruder's handsome face. He pretended not to see the irritated look Perri tossed him. “Would you like to go inside with me,” Barrington offered when she rolled down the window. She stared at him blankly. “Why?” His response was a shrug and a, “Why not? Have you ever been inside a studio?” “Not a music one,” she admitted, somewhat curious as to what it might be like. Barrington reached inside, unlocked the door and held it open for her. “Come on, Perri, be my guest.” He grinned pleased that he’d found a place of common ground with her when she didn't refuse his invitation. He wanted to share every detail of his life with the woman he loved and it just made sense that music was where it should start since it made up the bulk of his life. ***

“That was interesting,” Perri told him, snapping her seat belt. He looked at her. “I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.” Pulling back onto the highway, Barrington headed for his parents' home. “Barrington?” “Yeah, baby?” “Exactly where are we going?” “To Huntersville, baby,” he said with a practiced calm, knowing her inquisition was coming. “You're not from Huntersville?” “No, as you already know I grew up in Chicago. That's where I, along with my family made our abode until after we dropped our second CD; after the tour ended, Crush and I decided to buy our folks a mansion wherever they wanted to live. They chose Huntersville to be close to my grandparents on Ma's side and also her two sisters who live there as well.” “Hmm.” Perri considered that information. “So, why'd you decide to move to Charlotte?” Barrington glanced at her before answering, trying to decipher if she were ready for the truth. He'd soon find out, he thought, then said, “After we'd been apart a year, I was still missing you so bad and still hoping that one day we'd meet again, maybe pick up where we left off. At the very least, I'd know where you were, hence, a greater chance at hearing it through grapevine if you ever decided to get

married. That way I'd know where to show up and object to you marrying anyone other than . . . myself, of course.” He was shameless in his true confession. He stole a look at her, quickly turning his vision back to the road ahead. “You believe me?” Perri was actually flattered, but said, “Should I, Barrington?” “You should, Perri.” “Why?” “It's the truth. Why would I lie about it? That would be plum stupid on my part, considering no one I knew was able to get word to you for me, and vice versa about your whereabouts. And I didn't know how you'd respond if I did find you.” “Why'd you wanna find me?” “You know why, Perri.” “Because you're controlling and used to having your way on all things,” she said. Barrington laughed out loud saying, “Nope.” “You’re sure about that?” He chuckled before saying, “Because I realized when I was already in the air that it truly was a real possibility that you may end up pregnant since we hadn’t used a condom our last time together, resulting in me failing to protect you the way I promised I would. I didn’t want you to face the possibility of motherhood alone.” Hearing him admit his knowledge that she could have

been pregnant only managed to infuriate Perri. “So, you weren't as surprised as you feigned that day at the mall?” He knew he shouldn’t be surprised the way her mind processed newfound information, jumping to her own conclusions, wrong as they may be. Waiting for the stop light to turn green, he stared at her, and waited, wondering where she was going with that line of questioning; at the same time, knowing where she was going, and Barrington met up with her on the path of first-hand revelations. “I was, too, surprised, Perri.” He shook his head. “Now, that's a strong-willed man for you. I was so determined and sure we were gonna come full circle again, so I went ahead and strategically positioned myself for when the right time finally arrived, knowing it would hit me like a bull’s-eye. And where better to settle down and be close to you than right here in Charlotte?” “Oh,” she said, sorry her curious mind had thought to even ask. “What's wrong, baby?” He felt her uneasiness. “Nothing,” she lied. “Just nervous about meeting your parents, that's all.” Barrington knew that was not all, but let it go for the moment. Pulling into his parents' driveway, he cut the engine and turned to Perri, announcing, “Here we are.” Perri took in the lovely view. “This is definitely a mansion,” she stared at the huge house planted on at least twenty four acres of land. “It's beautiful.” “The folks love it, that's all that matters.” He got out,

strolling to her side, and opened the door. Extending his hand, he said, “Shall we?” She blinked and stared at his hand but made no move to take it. “I don't know about this.” Sighing, he gently took hold of her hand, guiding her from the car. “It'll be fine, baby.” “How do you know?” She looked up at him for answers. Bending to kiss the tip of her nose, Barrington simply said, “Trust me, baby.” “I want to.” Perri looked up at the huge house, then back at him. “Do you promise not to leave me alone the entire time we're here?” Instead of laughing like he wanted to, Barrington agreed, “I do.” “Say it, Barrington.” He did laugh this time, then parroted, “I promise, Perri, I won't leave you alone, baby.” Before he could insert his key, Linda opened the door. “Hey, baby.” She hugged him tight. “She's beautiful,” she whispered in his ear. Barrington smiled, gently ushering Perri forward. “This is Perri Milan, Ma.” My future wife, he mouthed standing behind Perri. “Hello, Mrs. Knight.” Perri extended her right hand, forcing herself not to squirm when she felt Barrington’s familiar hand encircle her waist. “Will you let the girl breathe, boy,” Linda scolded her

son. Then she surprised Perri with a hug. “Please call me Linda.” “Okay,” Perri awkwardly returned her hug. “Barrington, Linda, let the lady inside,” Bobby was now standing at the door. “Welcome to our home, pretty lady.” He also hugged her. “I'm Bobby.” “Thank you, Bobby.” Perri smiled, truly feeling welcomed. “Hello, Perri,” Crush greeted when they entered the formal living room. “Hi, Crush. Long time no see.” Crush hugged her and said, “It's good to see you, baby girl.” Relived he wasn't mad at her, Perri smiled. “Good seeing you also.” He grinned. “So, what's your girl up to tonight?” Perri laughed, hearing the excitement in his tone; he still had it bad for her best friend and that pleased her. “Journey's babysitting Imani for me.” He nodded. “Tell her I asked about her.” “Will do,” she promised. Linda gave her three men a get out of here look, but each pretended not to see it. Finally, Linda just said, “Will you all please excuse us? Perri and I need to talk.” Perri immediately tensed up and automatically looked

at Barrington for help. Just as Barrington was about to come to Perri's aid, Bobby, who'd also caught the look said, “Baby, aren't we gonna eat now?” “Dinner won't be for another hour,” Linda informed them. “All of you are at home, so you can find something to do in it until dinner is served.” “Come on, Daddy, B, the game just got started,” Crush said, heading out. Bobby slid a glance at Perri as if to say ‘sorry, but it'll be okay’ just before following his youngest son. Barrington, however, remained glued to his spot. Linda glared at her son. “You can leave anytime, boy.” “Ma, I'd rather stay.” She tilted her head. “And when did I ask what you wanted?” Perri couldn't help it, she burst into laughter. No wonder Barrington could put up with her smart mouth. His mother had one, too. Trying not to laugh, Barrington admitted, “You didn't, ma'am.” “That's right, I didn't. Which means what, Barrington?” He did laugh then. “Ma, I can't leave,” he insisted. “I don't see no chains holding you down.” Perri laughed out loud and assured him, “It’s all right, Barrington.” She chuckled and looked at his mother. “I'm gonna be just fine.” And looking at Linda she knew it to be

true. Barrington smiled, visibly relieved. He winked at Perri then said, “I'm out.” When he closed the door behind him, Linda returned her attention to Perri. “Honey, were you scared to be alone with me?” “A little,” Perri admitted, and felt bad when her face looked crestfallen. “Honey, I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable because you're very welcome in our home, Perri. That goes for our grandbaby, too.” “Please don't apologize, Linda. You didn't do anything wrong. I was nervous from the moment Barrington informed me we were having dinner with you.” “Informed you?” She looked at Perri sympathetically. “Can I take that to mean my more than eager son didn't okay this meeting with you beforehand?” Linda didn't look too happy with her oldest son and Perri didn't know why, but felt the need to defend him, “Your son knows me well; he knew I'd say no if he'd asked me first.” “And it doesn't bother you that he accepted on your behalf?” “No. Well, it did at first. But now that I'm here,” Perri shrugged, “I'm glad.” Linda showed a beautiful white smile. “I'm glad you're here, too, honey.” She crossed her legs. “However, I must admit, I wasn't too happy with you in the beginning.”

Perri nodded but wisely remained quiet. “Don't get me wrong, Perri. It wasn't you personally since I didn't know you. It was the way you went about handling the situation with Imani,” Linda said candidly. “As a mother, I could never condone you keeping her a secret. As Barrington's mother, I could never pretend to understand why you wouldn't want him to know he had a daughter.” Linda smiled at her. “I hope you can understand why I would feel that way toward you when we were first told about you.” Perri nodded. “I understand, Linda. I am sorry for not telling Barrington.” Linda smiled. “Apology accepted. Now the worst is behind us.” She extended her right hand. “I really want us to be friends, Perri; not for Imani or Barrington, but because I got a good feeling about you and I truly do like you.” Perri smiled and accepted her proffered hand. “I'd like that, too, Linda.” “Great.” Unable to wait another minute, Linda asked, “When do I meet my grandbaby?” Perri laughed. “I'll make sure it happens real soon,” she promised. *** “Barrington, will you come away from that door,” Bobby chided his doting son. Barrington, who'd had his ear pressed to the door,

trying to hear what his mother and Perri were discussing, finally joined his father and brother in front of the TV. “Couldn't hear anything anyway,” he complained. They laughed at him. “Ma is crucial, B,” Crush stated honestly, “but she won't intentionally hurt Perri.” “Thanks, Crush, but I'll wait for the verdict to come in on that one.” Bobby laughed out loud. “Crush is right, Barrington. Your mother is harmless. Trust me, I been married to that dear woman for thirty-two years, her bark is worse than her bite. You have nothing to worry about. Linda likes Perri. We all do.” “I'm not worried about the two of you, Daddy.” Thinking, he paused then said, “Ma, on the other hand, could mess this up for me without even trying to.” “Give her some credit, son. She knows you love Perri. And she's okay with that. As I said before, she likes Perri.” “How can you be so sure, Daddy?” he asked because he was not comfortable leaving his woman alone with his mother. “I know my wife like you know your Perri.” Barrington grinned wolfishly. “Enough said, Daddy. Thank you.” “Not a problem. By the way, son, she is one stunning woman.” “Yeah, she is.”

“Do you think she'll let us meet Imani soon?” “I'll make sure it happens soon, Daddy.” Tossing the phone in his direction, Crush commanded, “Call Journey.” Barrington wrinkled his nose. “Why?” “Tell her you're coming after Imani. Invite her to have dinner with us.” Exchanging curious looks with his father after a long stretch of quietness, Barrington said, “You not slick, man. I know what you're doing, Crush. Don't use my daughter to get to Journey.” “Imani is my niece, man. I'm not using her; I really want to meet her. As for Journey,” Crush shrugged, nonchalantly saying, “I don't need you to get to her.” “So,” Barrington accused, “you are trying to score points with her.” “No, B, I'm not. Perri said Journey was babysitting Imani. It would be rude not to invite her to come along. That's all.” Bobby gave his youngest son a cautious look, but Barrington also noticed the amber of hope glinted in his eyes. There was no way he could not try to make the meeting happen tonight. Though he knew Perri might not agree, he heard himself say, “Okay,” and dialed Journey's number. ***

Exactly an hour later, Linda and Perri emerged from the living room. “Let's eat, boys,” Linda announced, holding Perri's hand as they joined them in the family room. “Where's Crush?” “Right here,” Crush announced, as he along with Journey and Imani entered. “Hey, Journey.” Perri was surprised to see her and Imani, but glad just the same. “Hey, Perri,” Journey greeted nervously, not knowing what to expect next.. She smiled and walked toward her, easing a curious eyed Imani from her arms. Perri kissed her cheek, cradling her to her chest feeling of all things, her breast engorged, and knew she had to let down soon, or risk soaking her blouse. “How's mommy's baby girl?” Imani grinned and Perri's heart melted. “Thank you,” she mouthed to Journey, who gave her a relieved smile. When Perri turned to introduce Imani to her new family, her heart broke, seeing tears in both Linda and Bobby's eyes. She looked at Barrington, who immediately joined her side, placing his arm around her trembling shoulders. “Bobby, Linda, meet your granddaughter, Imani.” Linda covered her mouth with both hands, tears falling from her eyes. Bobby placed a protective arm around her, giving her an affectionate squeeze, tears falling from his eyes.

Perri gazed up at Barrington and at his nod, moved toward his parents. “Would you like to hold her?” she offered. Linda could only nod. Perri gently placed Imani in her eager arms and crossed back to where Barrington stood. He hugged her from behind as they watched the Hallmark moment between grandparents and granddaughter. Perri glanced at Journey and Crush, who both had tears in their eyes as well. And Crush's arm was intimately encircled around Journey's waist. If it hadn't been such a touching moment she would have commented. Instead, she leaned back against Barrington, reveling in his male strength. He lowered his head, resting between her neck and shoulder blade. Perri felt the moisture on his cheek and knew he was crying, which only caused more tears to spring from her eyes. Happiness was all in that room.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN “So how long you gonna make that boy beg, Sugarplum?” Mattie inquired after hearing all about Barrington’s reappearance into her granddaughter’s life. “I’m not making him do anything. He can stop making a fool of himself any time he wants.” “Well, now, that’s a strong accusation and I don’t know if Barrington could be coined a fool for what he’s trying to go about doing. And what he wants is to marry you, be a father to his child, right?” “That’s what he said. God only knows with him; I for one don’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth. And I told him so.” “I’m sure you did. What I don’t know, Sugarplum, is why you won’t give him the benefit of the doubt.” “For what, Madear?” she said, annoyed. “All he’ll do is take advantage of the situation.” “Has he ever hit you?” “No, Barrington’s never raised a hand to me. I didn’t say he was crazy.” “He ever cheated on you in the past?” Perri opened her mouth to speak. Mattie raised her hand, shushing her granddaughter. “I’m not talking about the love affair he has going on with his music because you knew his chosen career when you met him so that’s neither here nor there at the moment.”

“If you say so, but I don’t agree.” Ignoring her comment, Mattie asked, “Has he ever mistreated you?” “Well, he walked out on me, didn’t he?” she said matter of fact. “But according to you that’s not important either, huh?” “Wait a minute now, Sugarplum, there’s two sides to every story. And then there’s the truth, which is absolute. I’ve heard your side, but I’ve yet to hear what Barrington has to say. However, I’m more than sure it won’t be the same version as yours.” Perri huffed, “And that surprises you?” “To be honest, yes it does.” “I don’t know why.” “He asked you to marry him to give Imani a complete family.” “Like I said he can’t be trusted. He just wants the upper hand that’s all that is.” Mattie grunted, “Don’t act like you not enjoying his attention. I was young once so I know better. He’s putting on a mighty fine show, too, I might add.” “That’s his problem. I made it clear where I stand and he knows it’s not with him.” “Which I do not understand; that’s a mighty fine man, girl. And I don’t mean just his looks.” “So what? What are you saying?” “Mmm . . . mmm, granddaughter of mine, tell it to your

head ‘cause your heart isn’t listening.” Perri immediately denied her grandmother’s accusation, “My heart doesn’t feel anything even remotely close to warm for him. Barrington doused that fire a long time ago.” “Honey child, please,” Mattie shook her head. “As long as there’s a spark, the flames can still be rekindled. You need to be honest and ask yourself if you willing to let Barrington light your fire again.” “Madear, please,” Perri complained. “Will you let me handle this?” Mattie snorted. “I would be glad to, Perri, if you were actually doing something to remedy the sticky situation that, by the way, you of your own free will placed yourself into by not telling him the truth from the start, and that’s precisely why Imani looks exactly like her daddy. Your sins will find you out because liars always get caught. It would have been one thing, Sugarplum, if you’d up and moved to another state, but you stayed right here in your home town and had the nerve to think your dirty secret would stay buried and Barrington wouldn’t find out about your deliberate deception. “Now, a sane person could look at that and say deep down you wanted him to find out even if you too stubborn to admit it. But here you sit still judging him for going on with his life, pursuing his career when, by not accepting his phone calls, refusing to open his letters, not listening to any message he'd tried to get word to you through Journey, you

made it clear you didn’t want to be a part of his world. I don’t know what you were expecting, Sugarplum. Everybody needs a dream mate; a partner willing to support, nurture and help achieve dreams pursued. To do that you got to wise up where Imani’s daddy is concerned. Stop making him walk a tightrope, punishing him for past sins. Remember, Sugarplum, mistakes are made to be forgiven, but you must be willing.” “Madear, you haven’t even met Barrington. Why are you taking his side against me?” “He wants to take responsibility for his daughter, but you won’t let him. How’s him stepping up to the plate hurting you? The fact of the matter is it isn’t. So your pride is bruised because he wants to come through for the both of you. Seems to me, as the father of your child, you’d want him to be that kind of man. God knows the worlds full of single mothers who wish deadbeat fathers would take half the interest in their children as Barrington’s taken in Imani.” The older woman softened her tone, seeing tears in her granddaughter’s eyes. That child always was precious to her heart; she was so fragile with her feelings. However, this time, Mattie refused to let Perri off the hook with a soft tap on the behind when she could clearly see concerning this here situation her granddaughter needed a swift kick in the behind, though she knew that, too, would be met with stubborn, rebellious pride, pure and simple. “I'm scared, Madear,” Perri confessed on a sob. Sitting at the table, taking her granddaughter's hand

within hers, Mattie said, “What are you afraid of, child?” “Losing my daughter, to him,” she whispered and sniffed. “What kind of foolishness are you talking, Perri Tania Milan?” Perri didn’t even know. She finally met her grandmother’s probing gaze, the love shone in her eyes granting her the courage to say what she was feeling. “I've never had to share my daughter, Madear. I don't want to share her now, either. I can’t even make it matter to me that Barrington's her father. I've been with her the longest. She doesn't know him,” she complained, though she knew it was unfair since she never told Barrington he was going to be a daddy in the first place. But doggone it, he knew they didn't use protection the last time they made love, so he at least knew it was a possibility she might be pregnant. “Sugarplum, I adore you, but right now, I hate your selfish attitude,” Mattie firmly stated with a disdainful shake of her head, unable to wrap her brain around where her granddaughter was coming from. As if divining the strength to ask, she said, “Exactly what is it you think Barrington is gonna do to Imani other than bond with her? And since she is his biological daughter, that's completely understandable,” Mattie felt the need to say in Barrington's defense. Perri swiped bitterly at the tears streaking her face. “And if he decides to take her from me?” “Perri, the only thing I can see that man taking is you in

his arms and kissing the foolishness out of you.” Mattie laughed at her own metaphor. “I’m never letting that happen.” “Once upon a time, you probably thought that very same thing.” “No, Madear, I didn't. If I had I wouldn't be in this predicament now.” “No, you wouldn't,” Mattie agreed. “If you had, by now, you'd be married to him because your curiosity, not to mention hormones, would have gotten the best of you,” she supposed with knowing smile. Perri snorted. Then denied her summation altogether, telling her, “I don't possess a romantic bone in my body for the man now.” “Girl, I'm too old not to see through your excuses for exactly what they are; a protective covering to shield your heart from once again being broken by the infamous yet unforgettable Barrington, the one and only love of your life romantically speaking. Perri didn't care what she said, Madear didn't have a clue. “I don't ever plan on falling in love with that man again.” Mattie laughed. “Then it's a good thing you don't have far to fall since that man never left his space in your heart.” “You're so wrong, Madear.” “Oh, I think not, Sugarplum. “Then good thing for me it only matters what I think.” Mattie took a few moments of silence to observe her

granddaughter. She couldn't help smiling inwardly. Of all her girls Perri was by far the most stubborn. It was the kind of mental stubbornness that made you wanna wring her neck and love her for life at the same time. “I love you, baby.” She shook her head firmly. “But I will not sit by and silently watch you mess up a good thing for both you and your beautiful daughter. And a family is a beautiful thing; the way God intended it to be.” “Imani is his family. I'm not part of the package.” “He say he want y'all to be a family.” “I know what he said.” “Perri, just because you put garbage in a scented trash bag doesn’t make it not stink; garbage is trash and it all stinks eventually. Your excuses are nothing more than an overload of horse manure and it’s stinking up your ability to judge the situation with Barrington fairly. You not pushing that boy away because you can; you’re pushing him away because you’re scared that if you allow him back into your life he might eventually decide to walk back out of it again.” “Madear, what are you trying to tell me?” Baby, knowing something does nothing to fix it. You can know something all day long, but until you put it into practice, it's not gonna do you any good. So what, you know what Barrington said as far as his reason for wanting to make a permanent life with you and Imani? The birds know to get to their next destination they gotta fly, but if they don't lift their wings and flap. Guess what? They're not gonna be at the next location. Now, you think about that.”

Perri shook her head. “You’re not saying what it sounds like, Madear . . .” “Marry him, Sugarplum. Let Barrington be a man for your daughter and you. You hear me?”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN At approximately 1:45, bright and sunny the following afternoon, Barrington rang Perri's doorbell. Unable to contain the grin permanently attached to his face, he hoped like no other time in his life that the woman of his dreams was about to make his one and only dream come true. His grin grew wider when the object of his affection greeted him upon opening the door. “What's up, baby?” Perri grunted. “The red flags where you’re concerned.” Barrington only chuckled, knowing that today not even the great in-your-face Perri could shake his confidence. And confident that before the day was over she'd be his wife for life, he most certainly was. “Well?” Perri knew the moment of truth had arrived. “Well, what?” Walking toward the living room, she stalled trying to borrow, beg, or at this point, even steal some more time before the dreaded moment forced itself upon her. Barrington followed her, thinking she was crazy if she thought he was going be put off so easy. And she'd better think again if she thought he even half-way believed she didn't recall why he was there and what he'd hoped to gain by the end of his visit which, if he had his way, would become permanent. After a glance around, he asked, “Where's my baby?”

“At Madear's house, and before you even think about starting in on me, you didn't call to say you were coming for a visit with her,” she waved him off with a flick of her wrist. “I'm not gonna start.” “Good.” “But,” he chuckled when she threw her hands in the air, “I am gonna say that, if we were all three under the same roof, this wouldn't even be an issue.” “It's not an issue now, Barrington, and we don't reside under the same roof.” “It would be if I really had my heart set on spending time with my daughter.” Unfazed, she said, “Well, that being the case, you would have called ahead, wouldn't you?” Barrington laughed out loud. He just couldn't sneak one by her for nothing. “At any rate, Perri, I'm here to see you.” “What else is new?” she complained, ignoring the butterflies in her tummy. “Well, I'm hoping for a new marriage to consummate . . . I mean celebrate.” “Once again, Barrington, I have to remind you that you hope for too much.” “Well, my hope springs eternal, anyway.” She folded her arms. “And just why is that?” “Because I need a family; Cupcake needs a family. And, believe it or not, Perri, you need a family, too.” Shaking her head, she declared, “I don't believe it,

Barrington.” “What's that, baby?” “That you only want to marry me in order to give Imani a complete family.” He tilted his head to the left. “Why can't you believe it?” “Because that's too simple for you; you always want more.” This is true, he confirmed to himself. To her he said, “Not so much more; just better you know.” “No, Barrington, I don't know. Why don't you tell me in no uncertain terms what you expect out of me?” I expect an honest lover, he wanted to shout. “I expect you to keep an open mind where our family is concerned.” Raising her head, she corrected, “You mean where we're concerned. Instead of answering because he didn't want to lie and yet he knew she couldn't yet handle the truth, Barrington shrugged in reply. Perri studied him for several seconds as silence claimed them. She knew that look. He thought she didn't, but she did. She wasn't stupid but apparently he didn't agree. Knowing she was sizing up his soul, Barrington offered, “I'm only thinking about our daughter and what's best for her.” It was true, although not the whole of it, but for now, part of it was all he'd reveal. Perri would just have to make do.

“So your daughter is your only motive, pure and simple?” “What are you asking, Perri?” She always had to delve deeper. “You know, Barrington.” He always had to make simple hard. They stared at each other, both fighting the urge to give in to the other. Barrington finally responded, “Do I still want you?” “Well?” “Does it really matter?” “Barrington . . .” “You don’t want me, Perri” he cut in. Remember?” “Are you gonna respect the boundaries or not?” “Perri, you know I’d never force myself on any woman. I still want you. I’ll always love you. Am I holding out hope you’ll rethink our relationship? Maybe; well, in all honesty, yes. But to answer your question, nothing’s gonna happen between us that we don’t both want and need at the same time,” he promised with every intention of keeping it. But now, if Perri let him in . . .” “I hope you mean that.” “I do.” “Because I’m gonna hold you to it.” “Well, hold me tight.” He chuckled. “Barrington . . . .” Her face flushed. “I’m playing.” Sort of, he added silently, knowing he was

playing for keeps. “What I meant to say was you can trust me, Perri. I’ll be the perfect gentleman.” That’s exactly what scares me, she thought, but said, “Yes you will.” “So, Perri . . . .” “What?” Barrington dropped to one knee. Knowing exactly where he was going with this and cutting his move short, she announced, “Don't be doing that for me; this is not a real marriage.” Barrington was genuinely hurt Perri seemed to be so turned off by him; however, he knew he would get no further if he didn't let her have her way this once. He stood, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep from pulling her in his arms. “When and where do you wanna get married?” Though he continued to grin, he failed at hiding the hint of desire in his eyes. Perri narrowed her eyes, reading his mind. “Don’t go getting all happy and start thinking we’re gonna live as a normal married couple; they’ll be no consummation. Period,” she warned him in no uncertain terms. “This is a marriage of convenience, a namesake for the sake of our daughter. Don’t make this about me, Barrington. It’s about Imani and her need to have us both at the same time, in the same space when we’re not working, that is. You cross the line,” she warned, “that gives me my walking papers; that will grant me the freedom to leave. And I will.”

“Always have to spell things out, don’t you, Perri?” He almost laughed at her predictability. “Where you’re concerned, Barrington,” she nodded, “you bet your booty.” Spying the clock on the mantle, Perri grabbed her purse, saying, “Let’s get this showboat on the road; we’ve got just enough time to settle this today. Tomorrow's a busy day and I need my rest. I’ll set you up in the guest bedroom when we return.” *** “What are you doing, Barrington!” Perri yelped as her feet left the ground. “I’m carrying my bride across the threshold,” Barrington explained. “I am not your bride,” she complained. And put me down!” “You’re right; you’re more than my bride.” Continuing inside the foyer he said, “I’ll put you down when I’ve completed my husbandly duties.” Perri raised an eyebrow. “The terms of our marriage agreement, Barrington,” she reminded him, “I suggest you remember them.” “Like I have a choice, you remind me every chance you get.” “Point is I shouldn’t have to. You knew the terms beforehand, and you agreed.” Ignoring the butterflies dancing a jig in her belly, she added, “Of course now, if you

wanna put an end to this madness right now I—” “Forget it, Perri. I do remember the terms to our agreement. I haven’t crossed any lines. So, like it or not you’re still tied to me, and agreement or not, because of Imani, you always will be.” He placed her feet firmly back on the living room floor. “Now I suggest you find a way to live with that, wife.” Barrington strolled to the kitchen. “Want something to eat, drink?” he called over his shoulder. Agitated, Perri followed him. “No I don’t. But if I did, I do know my way around my own kitchen.” Refusing to be baited, Barrington said, “I’m sure you do seeing you’ve been here a minute.” Tense silence fell between them as she studied him for a long moment. Hating to admit it, Perri knew she could quite possibly get used to this, which automatically meant she was to end it before it began. “What do you think you’re doing?” Barrington drained the last bit of orange juice in his glass. “That’s the million dollar question of the day. Tell me something, Perri.” He turned on the faucet, rinsed the glass, placing it face down in the sink. Awarding her his full attention he said, “What do I get if I hit the jackpot?” She took a deep breath which did nothing to cleanse her heart that was still, to both her disappointment and dismay, full of love for him. “What do you want?” “You know what I want. I’ve made no secret about it.” “I’ve been upfront with you, too. It’s not going to happen.”

Coming close enough for her to feel what he wanted, tenderly stroking her chin, Barrington asked, “Perri, what’s it take for me to win your heart again?” The desire his question delivered to that sweet spot located between her legs, she swallowed back hard. Dirty dog. He knew he was just too close for her to think straight, which he fully took advantage of. Happier times assailed her mind. For the longest time she was lost in the sweet memories, times they shared when she knew he cared. Replacing Barrington’s finger were his soft lips trailing feathery light kisses against her collarbone. “Sweet Perri, don’t you remember how good it was between us?” She almost purred out loud as his whispered seductive words pulled Perri back in time. Involuntarily, her eyes drifted shut and she was lost in thoughts remembering exactly how good it used to be between them. The first time they made love, how gentle and tender Barrington was, coaching her, teaching her what to do; helping her achieve it, going the distance with her all the way. He never once forgot she was in his arms, whether under him or over him, he remembered Perri was lying there with him. “I know you’re scared, my baby. But why can’t you just trust me with your fears? Please, sweet Perri . . .” Perri heard the urgency in Barrington’s plea and it nearly worked to his advantage to melt her defenses. “I’ve lost so much already, Perri. Please let me have this one moment in present time with you.” He kissed her lips feeling his love for her in his soul. Barrington couldn’t

forget how deeply she’d always touched him. He always wanted to remember what she was like inside and out. Perri; his sweet Perri. Why was she doing this to him? Them? Why was she determined to withhold from him everything she knew he’d always wanted? He cherished her from day one; she knew it. Or did she? Did it matter to her? Did he? She left you, fool, a voice of reason reminded him.

Without the slightest clue why or an afterthought about it, sweet Perri left you. Now how sweet was that? Deciding to ignore that last thought, Barrington whispered, “I need this, Perri.” He searched her eyes for the truth. “I believe you do, too.” He waited for a response feeling her uncertainty. “Tell me I’m wrong, baby; say you don’t want me right here right now. Make me believe it.” She couldn’t speak. “Go on, Perri, convince me.” God help her but she could not deny what Barrington said was true. At the moment, Perri didn’t even want to. She just wanted . . . . As if reading her thoughts he poked the bear. “Then say it,” Barrington demanded, concluding the truth from her actions, or lack thereof. “W-what?” “I need to hear you say it, Perri. Don’t make me feel like I’m forcing you; I’d never want sex from you like that.” Tired of fighting her feelings for Barrington, she asked, “What is it you want me to say?”

“You know.” He kissed her forehead. “I need to hear those three words.” Instead of complying with Barrington’s wishes, she pulled his head down, kissing him with more boldness than she’d ever portrayed. Perri felt no shame, only love. He was right; she needed this time with him. It took all the strength Barrington could muster, but he ended their kiss abruptly. He shook his head, “You can’t have it both ways, Perri. I want you. But I want you to want me, too.” “I do.” “Prove it.” “I’m trying to but—” “No, Perri. The action will come. Right now I need to hear the words.” “And if I don’t want to say them?” She looked at him defiantly. All hope drained from Barrington’s eyes as his shoulders drooped. Taking a tentative step back, he told her, “I won’t force you, Perri.” God, he needed air. He loosened his tie, removed it tossing it over his shoulder carelessly. “Our contract is still in force; I’ll stick to my end. I want you but you don’t want me. That’s not good enough to totally spend myself making love to you when—on your part —you don’t feel it for me.” Not satisfied with the seemingly too little air between them in her spacious kitchen, Barrington informed her, “I need a shower. Put the sheets on my bed; I’ll change them when I’m done in the

bathroom.” He left her standing there alone.

CHAPTER NINETEEN Why did he still have the power to do this to me? Perri wondered, taking fresh sheets out of the linen closet. Hearing running water and knowing Barrington was still in the shower, she entered his room, her eyes automatically drawn in the direction of the bathroom. Damn him. Just put the sheets on my bed, I’ll change them when I get out. She mimicked him in her mind. I just bet you will, bud. She was bothered, hot and testy with him, and getting more pissed by the minute. Thing was she didn’t know exactly why she was so irritated with him to begin with. All the man had done was let his feelings for her be known and she was acting like he hadn’t always been that upfront with her, she knew. Feeling a smile tug at the corners of her mouth, she shook it off, walking over to the bed. “That’s just too much power for that man to have over me,” she complained to the air. Perri tried to think of other things, anything to keep her mind off of intimate thoughts of Barrington that seemed to fill her head with all kinds of possibilities none of which she had any business thinking of. She was not going there with him. Not again. Perri didn’t realize she’d started placing sheets on his bed until it was fully made up with the sheet turned down ready for Barrington’s warm, beautiful, golden tanned body.

Stop it, she scolded herself. Her baby’s daddy he may be, but as far as she was concerned, he’s totally off limits. You not even fooling nobody, girl, there was that annoying voice intruding in on her thoughts again. You know you want him, so why deny either of you a brief moment in time, the voice continued to needle her, setting her mind on edge. “You know why,” she spoke the words aloud. “Do I?” Perri jumped, startled by Barrington’s voice. Where did he come from? She didn’t even hear the water stop running. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” “You didn’t,” she lied. “I was just,” she paused searching her brain for an excuse, logical or not, “making up your bed for you,” was all she could think up to say. It was true. “Thank you,” he was gracious enough to say. “But you really didn’t have to do that; I told you I would do it after my shower.” Those words sent shock waves shimming through her body. “Not a problem.” The man smelled good enough to climb his body like a tree lizard. He only had a hunter green towel wrapped around his waist, offsetting his natural golden tan in the most delicious way. Suddenly it was getting really hot in that room. Barrington had naturally curly hair, which apparently he still liked to let air-dry; some things never change. Why for all that’s left good in the world

did he still have to look so fine? Her eyes roamed his body on their own accord as wave after wave of pure unadulterated red hot desire strummed through every nerve in her body, and with much strained effort too great to deny, she swallowed hard, knowing all she wanted to do was to just lose herself permanently inside his willing and available arms. “I was already in here so I just . . .” “Needed a distraction,” he filled in for her not even trying to hide his smile. “Wrong. I was just being hospitable; you are a guest in my home, you know.” “So you keep telling me.” “Because it hasn’t changed,” she unnecessarily said just because she could. Barrington wanted to shake the truth out of her but inwardly decided he wasn’t going there with Perri. Not again tonight; he simply didn’t have the energy to make her face what he still knew to be an inevitable encounter between them. However, he was as sure as the air he lived and breathed that they would make love before all was said and done. “If you say so, Perri,” was his only verbal response as Barrington slung the towel in his hands around his shoulders. “Don’t let me keep you,” he said at the same time she started to say something. “Don’t you think you should put on some clothes?” she asked at the same time he was saying something.

“Huh?” They said in unison. “I’m where I’m supposed to be,” Barrington informed her. Surprised at his words she blinked and said, “Indicating that I’m out of place, right?” “Perri, if my being naked underneath this towel—even though you’ve seen everything I’ve got—makes you uncomfortable, then yes, you are out of place.” “You’re serious?” “Perri, tell me this. At the moment, what exactly stops you from confining yourself to the safety of your own room?” “If you want me to leave, Barrington, just say so.” “What if I said I want you to stay?” He eyed her curiously. “Wouldn’t hearing my sudden revelation make you wanna leave my presence that much faster?” She would have given anything to wipe that smug look off his beautiful face. “You think you know me so well.” “Those are your words, Perri. Truth is I thought I knew you. Until you—” “What? Until I what, Barrington?” she said and glared at him, anticipating his next words. He refused to argue anymore tonight. “You know what, Perri? It’s late, I’m tired and you said you had to get up early. Why don’t we just call it a night?” Irritated that he seemed to be putting her off, Perri said, “Is that what you really want, Barrington?” She tilted her head. “Or is that all you think you can have?”

The fire showed in Barrington’s eyes. “Are you offering me more?” “I didn’t say all that. I just asked if you thought that’s all you can have.” He sighed heavily. “Don’t play with me, Perri.” “But isn’t that what you want, Barrington,” she challenged. “To play with me?” “I’m warning you, Perri, don’t start a fire you’re not willing to put out.” His eyes told her he was as serious as the desire she knew he felt for her. Perri didn’t have anything to say to that, her thoughts instantly transporting her back to a time when she would have given anything to stay in Barrington’s arms. A time when he'd, of his own offering, promised to help her do just that. Her stomach fluttered, thinking back on the third time in one night they made love a year and a half ago.

“You owe me a shirt,” Perri said lazily. “Excuse me?” “You ripped my blouse, baby. You owe me a shirt.” Barrington laughed. “Take one of mine.” Perri shook her head as she said, “Can't do that, yours aren't feminine.” “I insist. Besides, you wearing my shirt will keep me close to you,” he teased. At that moment, for Perri, reality set in. Barrington felt the shift, too.

“How much longer will your tour be?” “I owe Toby three more months.” “Then what are your plans?” “Then we hit the studio in preparation to launch the next CD.” “Oh.” She swallowed deep disappointment. He shut his eyes, feeling her hurt. He whispered, “I'm here now, Perri.” She forced a smile but Barrington saw it didn't reach her eyes. “Yes you are.” She kissed him, determined to get lost in the sweetness of his aphrodisiac kisses. It didn't take long for that to quickly move to a frenzied acrobat of bodies and limbs, as Barrington pulled her down on top of him. “What's this?” she asked already turned on and thinking it too soon for that. But then again, it didn't take much effort with her Barrington. Her Barrington? Barrington kissed the tip of her nose. “It's called the straddle position.” Perri stared blankly. “Why?” He laughed, amused at her wonder. “This way, Perri, you control the tempo.” “The tempo?” she repeated blankly. “Yeah, tempo,” he parroted and chuckled. “See, baby, with you being on top you get to decide how fast . . . or slow you want us to go,” he explained. “You set the pace, Perri.” She grinned sheepishly. “I set the pace?”

“Any speed you want.” “And you?” “Flow however you move.” “Really now?” she asked filing that information away to use later. “If you ready now,” he grinned wolfishly. Hmm? She definitely saw possibilities . . . amazing ones. Slowly, she took what she'd hoped to be the first of many rides upon the Barrington Pony Express. Afterward, they just held each other for a long time in comfortable silence until she called out to him. “Barrington?” “Yeah, baby?” She waited then spoke her heart. “Do you think it's possible to meet someone and make a connection that will last forever, changing significantly the course they each take in this lifetime, only to end up face to face again —changed, yet still open to only each other?” Barrington listened to Perri, heard her carefully chosen words and knew she sought to have his solemn word—an everlasting guarantee that they'd belong to each other no matter what else happened to them or between them. “Yeah, baby, I believe that's possible. ‘Least I do with you.” Raising her head slightly, she looked into his beautiful eyes, “Really?”

He smiled affectionately before saying, “Really.” Kissing the tip of her nose, he asked, “Why you sound so surprised?” “The truth?” she asked not sure he wanted her to be blaringly honest. “True confessions,” was his only reply as he waited for her response. Perri thought about how best to word the feelings of her heart. All that came to mind was, “You ruin me with your words, make me wish I'll never let you go, acknowledge I don't wanna let you go. In short, I'm stuck on you, Barrington.” He proudly smiled and possessively said, “Then I better not walk too far away from you that I can't somehow make my way back to you.” “Please don't.” She was too lost in him to care enough to be ashamed at the desperate, almost pitying tone the words came out in. It didn't matter; she already knew she didn't have to be ashamed in front of Barrington. Not only was he her heart but he alone held the reigns and power to lead wherever he wished for her to follow him. “Things happen when you stray too close to the edge of the water,” she remarked quietly. “Perri, I can tell you I'll be there to catch you before the water can take you under and you drown in the sea of forgetfulness. That won't happen on my watch.” “Promise?” She nestled back down in the safe haven of his familiar arms.

“I Promise.” He chuckled, warmed himself by his next words. “I love you, Perri,” Barrington whispered softly in her ear. “I love you, Barrington Rashaad Knight,” she whispered. “I'm yours forever.” “Forever, sweet Perri, I'm yours.” Feeling her need as well as his own need for rest, he said, “Baby, we're part of each other now,” specifying the most intimate connection held between them. He then held her until she slumbered deep in his words as well as his arms. It wasn't long after that he joined her. Exhausted from overindulging on each other’s body, both fell asleep, wrapped up, tied up, and tangled up in his sheets as well as each other, solely for the purpose of pleasing the other. Lies . . . all lies, her mimd screamed inwardly. Remembering where she was, Perri closed her eyes to the pain that memory evoked within and she kept them closed until she heard Barrington's next bold statement. Watching an array of emotions display across her beautiful features, Barrington knew Perri's mind had traveled somewhere back in time. He also knew by the way she quickly shut her eyes, squeezing them so tight, he thought there might be a permanent frown etched in her face, especially where her eyebrows bunched up revealing her pain. Wishing with all his heart he could ease her pain, if only a little, yet knowing there really was nothing he could

say or do when she clearly wasn't willing to listen to him, but unable to stand being in the room with her and not touch her, he opted for safe distance between them. It took all the strength he had to pull himself away from her sweet nearness but he was determined to do just that. Barrington muttered, “Good night, Perri.” He picked up his razor and went back into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Perri’s proud shoulders slumped and tears burned the back of her eyes as she stood staring at the door that, basically, Barrington just closed in her face. That was the second time he’d shut her out tonight and just like the first time Perri was hurt beyond words. Not wanting to risk him coming out and catching her shedding tears, she made short work of leaving his room and made her way to hers. Once inside she flung herself on the bed and cried until the last pity tear drained. *** Lying in bed thinking of nothing but Perri and their somewhat strange relationship, Barrington could only wonder what position, if any, they still held in each other's life. Knowing she wasn’t being totally honest concerning her feelings for him, he really wished she’d speak to him from her heart instead of her hurt, not to mention wounded pride. He chuckled thinking how mentally stubborn Perri was, swearing she got mad quicker than any woman he knew.

And that was saying a lot, considering he'd met thousands of women being a musician.

It’s not like she led you to believe something more than a family in name only for Imani would ever be, his conscious void of mercy reminded him. Besides, he thought, dejectedly, seems like she’s made it pretty clear she doesn’t want me. That hurt Barrington more than he wanted to admit. Still, when he looked in her eyes he was sure he read in them a note of desire toward him. Once again coming up short as far as solutions, Barrington didn’t know what else to do, or how else to get Perri to admit her feelings for him, and frankly, he was tired of hitting his head against the hollow walls of her heart. “Perri,” he whispered into the night, feeling desire for her in his lower anatomy. “Why are you doing this to me? To us?” he asked the darkness around him, weakly fighting off a strong desire to go to her right then. After all, she was his wife, regardless of the reason. When her body didn’t rest well and sleep didn't come easy for Perri that night as she again flipped on her stomach getting tangled in the sheets, she absolutely refused to believe it had anything to do with her so-called husband sleeping in an entirely different room while they tried to coexist as polite strangers dwelling miserably under the same roof. And though her tossing and turning restlessly had been going on for the past two hours she’d

been lying wide awake in bed, she still asked her mind, What’s my problem? Perri tried occupying her mind with other things but it was all to no avail. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. She tried sketching and even that eluded her. Agitated with herself more than her husband, she turned her pillow over, punching it from pure frustration. She had to literally lie on top of her hands to keep from calling Journey, telling her she was coming to get her baby because she needed something productive to do with her time and obviously it wouldn’t be sleep. Ruling against that madness, Perri decided to get some hot chocolate but on the way to the kitchen she had to pass by the room Barrington was occupying. She tried to fight the urge but stopped when she got to his door, lightly running her palms against the oak frame. In that instant, she wanted to fling the door open and run into what she knew would be his open arms. Perri stood outside Barrington's bedroom for five minutes trying to decide if she should knock. Was he already asleep? Will he even want to talk to me or is it already too late to apologize? The questions didn’t seem to have an end and worse yet she still didn’t know what to do. Just that she wanted to see Barrington, talk to him. But she didn’t know if it were wise after she made a point of reminding him that outside of spending time with Imani they were to keep their hands, bodies and physical distance from one another.

“You looking for me?” he asked huskily at seeing her gorgeous body clad in an old button down shirt that vaguely looked like one he used to own. That thought pleased him and his already restless cock had no problem stirring to life as it jumped inside his boxers in response. Perri jumped about two feet in the air. Grabbing her heart, she said, “You scared me, fool!” Barrington laughed. “What are you doing out here anyway?” she asked. “I was thirsty and, though you’re my wife, I didn’t think you’d appreciate me waking you up and asking you to get it for me.” He grinned. “Personally though, I wouldn’t mind seeing your room.” “And just why’s that?” Curious to know if you’ve changed in other areas or just the familiar ones,” he answered. “What does it matter, Barrington, since according to you last night, you don’t know me like you thought you did?” “Well, you didn’t bother to correct me. Did you? Besides, Perri, last night was last night. It’s well after twelve in the morning which makes today is a new day so why don’t we give each other some new mercies?” “Whatever, Barrington,” she said testily only because in the back of her mind she knew stopping in front of his door would be a mistake on her part. Knowing she was about to flee and not ready for her to leave, he asked, “Did you wanna tell me something?” Seeing confusion on her face, he clarified, “The reason

you’re standing here, baby. Do you need to talk to me?” Perri didn’t know what to say; truth is she didn’t even know why she was standing there. You want him. There was that bothersome voice again. Ignoring it along with the butterflies swarming in her belly she tried to come up with a suitable answer. “I just wanted to see you.” Surprising both of them with her sudden candid honesty, she blinked hardly able to believe her own ears. Not realizing he’d been holding his breath, Barrington broke into a full-fledged smile. “And now that you have?” She blinked rapidly. Wasting no time reaching for her hand, Barrington said, “Stop fidgeting, Perri.” She was about to protest until she realized she’d been playing with the buttons on her shirt which she all of a sudden remembered she’d snagged from his pile of clothes he’d shedding when he stripped them both naked on their way to making love for the very first time. “It’s all right, baby. We’ll take it one true confession at a time.” His smile did more to reassure her than he realized. “Come on.” He ushered her down the hallway. “I’ll fix you some hot chocolate.” “How’d you know I was gonna get some?” Not turning to look at her, he only said, “Sweet Perri, I remember everything about you, the little things that make

you happy. After a night of unfit rest you want hot chocolate to calm you, so you fall into a relatively comfortable sleep.” His impeccable memory impressed her and she smiled, unable to help being touched he took notice of something so insignificantly minute. “Thank you, Barrington,” was all she could manage because she felt tears on the horizon and the last thing Perri wanted or needed was to come undone emotionally in front of him. “You’re welcome, baby.” Preparing the water, he walked to the stove turning on the front eye and placed the kettle upon it. Perri watched his every move feeling herself unravel with each motion he made and before she caught herself he turned and smiled when he saw her staring at him. “Is it too soon to ask for another true confession?” “What do you mean?” His eyes connected with and held her eyes. “Can you allow yourself to admit you still care for me?” Feeling the heat infuse her cheeks, Perri admitted, “I’ll always care about you, Barrington. That much about me hasn’t changed.” He smiled visibly satisfied. “I’m glad.” “So am I.” The kettle whistled. She watched him move about preparing a cup. “Hot chocolate for the leading lady in my life,” he offered the mug, “my wife.” Her fingers brushed against his warm skin as she reached for the mug in his hands. An intense wave of

desire flooded her being. “Thank you.” “You’re welcome, baby.” Watching her bring the mug to her lips and gently blow in it, Barrington wanted her so much he felt it in his soul and his heart hurt because he couldn’t reach out and take her in his arms to familiarize himself with her body all over again—inside and out— loving her for the remaining time they had before daylight. Barrington and Perri stood hand in hand in the hallway. Chuckling, she teased. “Thanks for seeing me to my door, kind sir.” “Not a problem, madam, it was on the way.” Judging the distance in between the kitchen and her bedroom, she smirked at him. He said, “It would be if I were coming from the hall bathroom.” They shared an easy laugh. Feeling his cock rear its head, Barrington knew he’d better leave now. “Sleep tight, Perri. I’ll see you when you wake up.” He turned to leave. Her hand shot out to stop him because her voice wasn’t quick enough. Barrington stopped but didn’t turn to look at her, instead closing his eyes willing himself the strength to not take advantage of his wife in a moment of what was probably brief weakness. “Will you stay, Barrington? Please?” Perri held her breath waiting for his first response.

Barrington swallowed hard wondering if she had any idea what she was doing to him. Chancing all his emotions, he turned staring into her eyes, the window of her soul. “Do you know what you’re asking?” “Yes.” “Perri, you better be sure,” he warned. “I’m telling you if I stay I am going to make love to you. If you can’t handle it, or you’re not willing to go that far, you better let me go right now, baby, while I’ve still got the strength to restrain myself.” She smiled warmed by his words. “Barrington, I’m not a child. I know what I’m saying. I know what it means. I know I want you to stay. I know I want to make love with you.” Perri took a deep breath. “Barrington, I’m tired of denying my heart the love I feel for you. I’m tired of running. I can’t fight the feeling anymore, it’s too draining. I don’t want to fight what I feel for you, Barrington. Please say you wanna stay with me.” Reaching up she caressed his smooth cheek, her hand burning with the desire he kindled in her. “Lay with me, my beautiful husband.” Sweeping her up in his arms, Barrington told her, “I want that more than you know, sweet Perri. More than even you can imagine.” He kissed her lightly at first, slowly teasing her as his tongue played with hers. When he heard her purring, he whispered, “My baby, this is your last chance to change your mind.” Smiling, Perri whispered, “I’m not looking for a way of escape.” Kicking the door open, he carried her inside stopping

long enough for her to push it shut behind them. Placing her on the bed, Barrington stood back marveling as he looked at her in awe. “What?” she asked due to the sudden delay of where his eager hands should be displayed. Barrington was shaking his head, “I just wanna look at you for a minute. You are still without a doubt the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.” It wasn’t easy, but for him, Perri made herself not fidget while he seemed to be taking an extensive inventory of her entire body and she wondered what could have him mesmerized when she was still fully clothed, though she had to admit how good it felt having his eyes watching only her body again. “You’re so damn beautiful. You always were.” “Thank you.” She smiled, reaching out her hand to him. “You always make me feel beautiful, Barrington.” He knelt before her framing her face. “I want you to be absolutely sure about your sudden change of mind, because once we start they’ll be no stopping until I’ve brought you to pleasure in every possible way imaginable. Just like old times only better because I’ve missed you something awful and I’ve got a lot of pent up passion reserved with your name on it, girl.” He searched her eyes. “Once I begin making love to you, Perri, just like when you were in labor ready to give birth to my seed, the only way out of it is through it, and I’m gonna make damn sure you feel every labor of love I have stored up for you,” he

promised. Perri caressed his face. “Barrington, you’ve always been able to caress a song and make lyrical love to it with your voice.” She swallowed hard. “Just like your love comes pouring through every lyric you sing, I want you to love me more and make love to me deeper.” Barrington was fighting to keep his back out of his front. Sometimes, when it came to his songs, he felt like the crowd liked his music, but weren't necessarily listening to his lyrics. It warmed his soul to know the woman he loved with all his heart also listened to the lyrics in his songs. She was causing him to melt for her fast with her words alone. He could just about and had imagined what it would be like to make love to her after nearly two years of absence. “I may have been born with a song in my heart, Perri, but I was created to love you, baby.” He looked deeper into her eyes, seeing love for him reflecting back at him. “I’m human, Perri,” he continued. “We’re married now so it will be different . . . better. I just need to know that you know and understand that if we consummate this marriage, it will be a real marriage in every sense of the word from that point on.” Nodding her head, Perri said, “I understand and I’m ready, Barrington.” “Anything you want, whatever you need, sweet Perri, you know I got it and I'm gonna give it to you. But first, baby, I need to know. What are you ready for?” This time Perri understood how badly he needed to hear her say the words and felt compelled to comply with

his desire. It was so simple that had she not been looking for the underlying meaning she would have missed it altogether. For the first time Perri realized it wasn’t about his need to have his ego stroked. Finally she knew for Barrington it was much more serious and couldn’t be compared to anything vain. Now, she understood his heart needed to be reassured that he wasn’t in this marriage alone, because even though physically Perri was right there with him, emotionally the only feeling she’d allowed him to feel as far as they were concerned was loneliness. In that instant, she felt how much her holding back was hurting him; hurting them. Perri smiled lovingly at her husband, wanting him, desiring him, and needing him. “Baby, once in a lifetime you find someone like you.” She struggled for control over the tears falling down her face. “You've been a very patient man with me.” “Because my heart belongs to you, Perri; whatever you want and need from me, it's yours, baby. Now that I have you, it's nothing I won't do to keep you, my baby.” “I don't deserve you, Barrington, but God, how I do desire you.” She lightly brushed her lips against his, loving the softness. “Barrington, my husband, I’m ready for you to make love to me as your wife.” Her words were music to his ears and all Barrington needed to hear to let the music of his heart play, creating the perfect backdrop, while he in turn made lyrical love to his wife who was without a single doubt his life. His heart

was full and his cup of love for her was overflowing. He felt a joy he’d never felt before all because, finally, his sweet Perri was as ready for him as he’d always been for her. For that one reason alone, he was going to make sure they both received their just reward. “Hit me, Barry.” “What?” Shocked, he looked at her strangely until he glimpsed the hint of a smirk in her eyes. Remembering how she'd said that to him after the first time they made love, Barrington couldn't help laughing. She laughed too. Shaking his head, he said, “Sweet Perri, you got me feeling a million different ways for you.” After kissing Perri's body up and down for the second time, Barrington lingered at the base of her throat, delivering the most powerful, delicious, sweetest kisses. It was a potent tonic with an effect like no other. Slowly, deliberately, just the way she loved, he tongued her throat until, out of pure ecstasy, Perri joyfully cried out his name from the pleasure she'd gained. Then without forewarning, he seductively slid down her body until he was staring at her wet core, longing to taste the secrets he knew all too well that lingered inside that sweet haven. “Hold on tight, Perri.” Licking his lips, he looked into her eyes. “Enjoy the show, baby; I intend to.” Barrington began to feast inside her sex, swirling, twirling, and licking his tongue up and down sending her over the brink as a pleasurable cry rippled from her body, igniting more fire in his.

Unable to bear another minute of elated passion, Perri begged. “Barry . . .” “Not yet, sweet Perri; the temp is up, but I'm not through with your sweet nectar yet.” His tongue continued to explore the familiar territory he'd once claimed before; territory he was sure no one besides him had visited. She tasted better than he remembered. Or maybe he'd just missed her so bad it seemed that way. He didn't know; didn't care. He only knew he was going to take his time, pleasuring her, bringing her joy forevermore. The more Barrington feasted on her the more he wanted to taste of her. When he hit her sweet spot and she cried out his name, he still didn't stop. Not even when she drizzled inside his mouth and his tongue tired he didn't stop. He couldn't. Like a drug addict craved nosecandy, he was craving her and he didn't want to leave her alone. Just like the first time he'd loved her this way, one hit of her and Barrington was an addict busting out of recovery all over again, strung out on the juices flowing from his beautiful wife’s delicious body. God, he’d missed this. Missed her; missed tasting her. Perri half moaned, half groaned from pleasurable pain and frustrated need. “You're killing me,” she rasped out between ragged breaths. “I'm loving you, sweet Perri,” he corrected softly. “You're torturing me, G-Man,” she insisted. “I'm pleasing you.” He knew the undeniable truth. Perri couldn't have held back the loud cry that escaped

her throat if she'd tried, as Barrington once again delved deep into her core with his well-placed tongue, exposing all her intimate secrets that only he'd been privy to discover and uncover from the start. After that, all she remembered is visiting heaven here on earth as her husband, with his potent tongue, made love to her until he was sure she couldn't take anymore. Satisfied his wife couldn't handle any more lovemaking from his tongue Barrington slowly entered her core with his cock and began to love her in a seductive ritual as old as the Ancient of days. He forgot about himself. Only Perri's needs mattered. Needless to say they had a very long and beautiful night filled with so much unspeakable love, joy, peace, and happiness.

CHAPTER TWENTY “I think you must’ve forgotten who you were dealing with.” Barrington grinned at his wife. “I’d think last night would have reminded you I don’t play by your rules, dear wife.” Not amused, Perri said, “Last night was last night; today is a brand new day.” “But as far as my intentions go, nothing’s changed.” He inched closer to her face. “The way I made love to you last night, Perri, I’m sure you noticed it was different. That was my own way of branding you, claiming you for myself and, letting you know that you’re now mine forever.” “Branding me? Claiming me? Yours?” She shook her head. “Did you bump your head? Man, I am not some livestock nor am I part of your luggage collection. I will not become part of your baggage claim!” “Don’t fight it, Perri. Like I said, you’re all mine now, baby.” He grinned and walked out the door before she could say more. *** “Have you guys ever been hunted by a man?” “Excuse me?” Tyler raised her eyebrow. “You mean like a dog or something?” Perri giggled. “No not exactly.” She couldn't believe she

was actually sitting in her parents' home discussing something so intimate. “But it could include doggie-style.” “Hunter!” Tyler and Perri said. “What?” Hunter innocently asked. “I’m just saying . . .” “Girl, you are off your rocker today,” Tyler told her. “My hinges work just fine,” Hunter disagreed. “Besides, Tyler, what are you over there wigging out about?” “Huh! Ask me the question again, Hunter.” Hunter playfully squeezed her cheeks. “One day, Tyler, it is gonna happen to you.” She kissed her left cheek. Joining ranks with Hunter, Perri tickled under her chin. “And it’s gonna be so good to you.” She kissed her forehead. “Would you two stop,” Tyler pretended to be irritated, pushing both her sisters’ hands away from her. “You two are starting to weird me out,” she complained. Hunter rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Perri, I know exactly what you mean.” “So, you’ve been hunted by a man?” “I’m married, aren’t I?” was her reply. “I’ve been through enough bull crap to know I wouldn’t settle for a man who doesn’t even consider me important enough to, at some point in our relationship, come after me strictly from his animalistic nature. And make no mistake,” she said to Tyler who was about to challenge her, “every man who’s alive and breathing without the aid of a machine has one.”

Perri laughed. “What you laughing at, Perri? You now know for yourself what I’m saying is true.” She laughed out loud fanning her face, thinking about it. “And it’s so cute, too. At least it was with my Usher,” Hunter bragged. “You know a man is completely yours when he starts saying stuff like ‘You are mine, baby. I branded you, girl. I put my mark on you and make no mistake I belong to you, too. I claim you, woman; that means there’s no one else for you as long as I’m alive. I know the make of your body inside and out, your scent is one of a kind, not to be confused with any other woman. I’m drawn to you like an animal in heat. You’re mine forever and don’t you make a mistake and think otherwise.’ You know, things of that nature. Then he puts his mating skills into practice, you become his prey and he hunts after you until you, too, are saying you belong solely to him.” Spinning around the middle of the floor in a circle, Hunter laughed out loud along with her sisters. Catching her breath, Perri said, “That’s how Barrington was talking, too.” “Ooh, just wait till I see my brothers again. I’m not going give them any mercy,” Tyler laughed herself silly. “Trust me, ladies,” Hunter was now saying, “a man knows his woman; that’s why he has no qualms about letting you and everyone else know that you are strictly and totally his.” By now, both Tyler and Perri had tears in their eyes as they laughed 'till they cried.

“So,” Hunter sobered, “was it good, Perri?” Grinning, she said, “Yeah, Hunter, it was. But I wasn’t about to tell him that.” “What?” She sounded offended. “Why?” she wanted to know. “Because, Hunter, Barrington is just too cocky for his own good and, I for one, was not about to feed his overinflated ego.” “It’s called manly pride, Perri. And every man has a certain measure when it comes to his woman and knowing for a fact he took good care of satisfying her—inside and out. Plus, your man just needs to hear it even if it is every once in a while.” “I don’t get it.” Tyler’s features showed her confusion. “What, honey?” Perri asked her. “Madear always says pride is a sin.” “Yeah, she does,” Perri agreed. “But,” Hunter added, “I personally believe that there are several different forms of pride. All of them can be destructive if taken too far. But I’m also inclined to think as far as men and the way they feel for their women go, it’s not egotistical pride for simply telling all your business; it’s more like personal tie pride wherein a man knows he’s bonded with his woman and he’s not afraid to show it to anyone willing to witness it, and that includes his woman. Thank God,” Hunter raised her hand as if testifying to a truth. “Perri, Barrington is a man all day long; the world will do its part in tearing his manhood down. As his wife, it’s

really up to you to build your man’s heart back up. Best way to do that is to let him know he still has the ability to knock the ball out of the park for his wife.” “Umm,” Tyler said. “I like that definition.” Perri nodded in agreement. “Yeah, Hunter, I gotta hand it to you. Sometimes you really are the wisest among us.” “Oh, forget you, girl.” “No, seriously, Hunter. Now I understand why Barrington appeared so put out because I refused to say it when we were, well . . . enjoying each other.” Tyler laughed out loud. “You hurt his feelings,” Hunter observed. “I guess I did,” Perri admitted. “But it wasn’t intentional or anything like that; I mean, if I’d only known exactly what and how much it meant to him . . . .” Grabbing her purse and keys, Perri stood. “I have to go now.” “Go on, girl,” Hunter encouraged, knowing what her sister meant. “Yeah, Perri,” Tyler told her, “Go hunt your man.” Perri smiled. “I’m going to my beautiful sisters. Because I finally realize now what my husband was trying the only way he knew how to tell me physically last night and then again audibly this morning. Sometimes a woman just has to make love to her man.” “Preach, girlfriend,” Tyler giggled. “Amen, sister-girl; now, go tell it to your man,” Hunter

added her spoon, stirring the pot. “Thanks, Hunter.” “Not a problem, Perri.” Hunter smiled sheepishly. “Now go home to your husband and solve yours. You know there’s nothing wrong with a little afternoon delight.” They all laughed. “Girl, hush. I still got a forty-five minute drive ahead of me. And I don’t need to be getting a ticket for trying to make it home at break-neck speed, either.” Hunter smiled and shrugged. “If you get pulled over, just say you doused your husband’s fire last night. And right now, you need to get home and rekindle the flame.” “Yeah, Perri, but make sure old dude know and understand he don’t need to be writing you no ticket for burning down the house with your husband in it.” They laughed. “No, I’ll tell the officer just the opposite. That I need him to be a gentleman and please let me go because I needed to get home quick, fast and in a hurry to sing my man’s praises because he needs me to make love to him right now.” *** As soon as Perri got home, she lit up all the candles she could get her hands on. Then going into their bedroom, she took a quick shower, put on her cute stuff—including three inch black heels, completed a mirror scan, sprayed on some perfume in all the right areas, and went back to

the living room to wait for her man to get home. When Barrington pulled into the driveway, Perri met him at the door with open arms. “Hey, baby,” she greeted seductively, and chuckled when Barrington dropped his keys. “Damn, baby,” he said as the head of his cock tried to jump its way through his jeans. “Yeah, baby, here it is.” She winked at him before stepping up to him, on tiptoes, she kissed him. Pulling back, Perri took her time, removing every stitch of his clothing. Seeing and knowing he was fully ready, she announced, “Follow me, baby boy.” When Barrington came into the living room, she was holding a brand new black robe open for him to step into. She was encouraged anew when she witnessed his response. Her husband was so excited he was shaking. “That's okay, baby, that's exactly how I want you.” Perri opened her short robe, letting it fall to the floor, revealing a sheer white negligee. “I want you to shake for me,” she whispered. In less than two seconds, Barrington had his wife in his arms, devouring every bit of her yummy flesh, while delivering a sensuous and promising kiss to each inch of her soft, supple, and delectable skin. When she moaned in his mouth, he deepened the kiss, going intimately further in exploring the inside of her mouth like it was the very first time. “Barry . . .” she panted. “I need you, baby. I need you,

the best lover I've ever had; my only lover; my partner; my best friend for life. Oh, yeah, I definitely need you, Barrington.” Tears poured from her eyes as she looked up into his beautiful yellow-green heated gaze. “I need you, Barrington, to make love to me until I can't take anymore. And I promise, baby, in return, I'm gonna make love to you until all you can think about is me; just us two, Barrington.” “Baby, I'm already ahead of you. You're all I think about anyway, sweet Perri.” “Make me feel it,” she begged unashamedly. Not having to ask him twice, Barrington picked his wife up, and in two long strides, laid her out before him on the couch. He stood back and admired her beauty, knowing every trace of her body by heart. Mentally, he decided what part of her he was going to enjoy first, but knew he was going to save the best for last. Eager for him to love her, Perri gazed up at her husband, thinking what a beautiful man standing before her, looking at her like she was the cream of the crop, and he couldn't wait to sample every part. She felt more bold and brazen, but most of all, she felt uninhibited. Perri reached up for him. “I wanna make love to you and with you, Barrington.” She pulled him down until his warm body was covering her completely. “Welcome home, G-man.” They kissed until they were both in tears. Barrington caressed her cheek, cupped her nape as he tilted her chin until he was staring in her beautiful chocolate brown eyes. “That's all I've wanted to hear you say since

you walked back into my life,” he confessed with emotion. Stroking his face, she whispered, “Welcome home, baby,” over and over again. “Thank you,” he whispered right back every time she said it. Perri couldn't hold back any longer, she revealed her heart, “I do love you, Barrington.” “I know you do. But, baby, how do you know?” Staring at his beautiful golden tanned face, tears flowed from her eyes. “Your pain is my pain. When you hurt I hurt. Your pleasure is my pleasure. When you're filled with happiness my heart is filled with unspeakable joy. You're the first person I pray for in the morning. The constant person I pray for throughout the day. The first person I pray for at night. Yours is the first face I want to see when I wake in the morning, still held in your arms and the last face I want to see before I lay down in your arms and sleep at night. When you walk into the room my present is beautiful. When you smile I know my future is bright. Barrington, you are my shining knight.” Perri framed his face, kissing away the tears easing from the corner of his eyes. “You're my heart, Barrington. You're my world and how I do love you, baby.” She sobbed, having completely dissolved into tears inside his loving embrace. “You're my everything, baby boy. And—” Barrington didn't let her finish. His mouth found the side of her throat, and he tongued her there until all she could do was moan helplessly in his arms. Feeling her shiver

uncontrollably, he observed, “You like that, don't you, sweet Perri?” When she nodded, Barrington moved down the length of her throat until he reached the sensitive base. He kissed her there and then laved the scented hollow with the tip of his tongue. “Barry,” she gasped as her hand automatically pressed against his chest and at the same time she arched back, giving him more access to her throat, melting under the assault of his tongue. After teasing her a while longer, Barrington answered, “Yes,” and studied her full lips. Perri could only stare up at him, mesmerized by his beauty, enraptured by his charm, and enslaved by his oneof-a-kind way of loving her intimately. Tears came to her eyes. Barrington gently licked them away. He kissed her cheek, nose, forehead, then softly kissed her eyelids closed. All she could do was sigh because at that point she was totally lost in his love, forgetting that there was even a such thing as tomorrow. All that mattered was here and now with her husband. She quivered at just the thought that this beautiful man doing wonderful things to her was truly her husband, the man that God sent to love her through. And he'd freely chosen to spend his life with her! Marveling at his awesomeness, Perri cried. “Shhh, sweet Perri. You don't have to cry alone anymore.” The tears in his eyes matched hers. “Baby, from this point on, I even want to share your tears.” He gently kissed her lips. “When you hurt, baby, I hurt, too. When

you're happy, Perri, I'm happy, too.” He deepened the kiss only breaking it when she needed to breathe. “I only want to make you happy.” “You do, Barrington. You do.” “Do I?” When she nodded, he said, “Really?” “You really have to ask?” She kissed him until she was sure he was sure. Lifting his wife in his arms, Barrington headed for their bedroom. Placing her on the bed, he took his time removing what little material covered her beautiful body, revealing every part of her to him—naked and not ashamed. Lowering his head, he automatically licked one full breast causing her to cry out in what he mistook as pleasure. Pushing his head away, Perri snapped, “That's Imani's happy meal!” Trying his best not to laugh at her very serious expression, Barrington said, “Sorry. I forgot, baby.” When the creases in her forehead diminished, he knew her anger had subsided, and he asked, “How long before”—he looked at her luscious, plump and overly ripe breasts —“they become my happy meal again?” Shrugging, she told him, “I plan to breastfeed until she's eight months. Madear said it'd be okay to put her on whole milk then, especially since she has such a healthy appetite.” Already having calculated the time frame, he said, “So, in four months, I get my twins back?” They both burst into laughter.

Framing his face, Perri kissed Barrington's smooth, chiseled cheek. “Yes.” “Promise?” He eyed her breasts again, wanting very badly to suckle them now. She laughed at the wanton look in his eyes as she watched him watch her breasts like they were the last supper and this were the only opportunity he'd have to ravish them like there was no tomorrow. “I promise, G-Man, the day after Imani turns eight months,” she lifted his chin so his eyes were on hers instead of her breasts, “the twins will be yours to nurse again.” She sealed the vow with a very seductive and wickedly tantalizing kiss. “For now,” she winked and licked her lips, knowing it was a turn on for him, “you can do whatever you want with the rest of my body.” “Well, all right, now. Careful what you tell me because I'm gonna take you at your word.” “Take my word, my money, my house, my car, take anything you want. Take me any way you want. I don't care, baby, long as you take me with you.” His cock definitely responded. ”Guess we'd better get this love-fest started because I'm not through with you yet, baby,” he promised. “I hope not. But now, Barrington, it's my turn to take care of you.” He chuckled. “You always take care of me, Perri.” “Well, now, I'm gonna love you, baby, like there's no tomorrow.” She straddled him, not breaking eye contact with him, feeling the heat of his manhood, she slowly eased

down on his cock, taking all of him fully inside her as she closed her eyes and relished the feel of him mushrooming inside of her. Perri smiled when he moaned out his cries of pleasure. “This is where you belong, Barry.” She arose slightly and came back down on his manhood harder, squeezing her pelvic muscles around his shaft. “Always,” she said, gazing lovingly in his eyes. “Hold on tight, baby.” Wrapping her legs around his waist, she whispered, “Enjoy the ride,” and rode her husband, hard, fast, and furious and she didn't stop until he was melting in her arms, begging her to stop before he cried out her name numerous times in the heat of his release. Inwardly, she took total delight, knowing she had him hollering for her like that. But instead of saying that to him, Perri slowly began to ride him once more, grateful that he was immediately fully aroused again, joining her for the second round. In her mind, it was still all about Barrington, and she wanted to make sure her husband got his—as much as he wanted. She flexed her pelvic muscles, drawing him deeper inside her wet core. “Damn, Perri . . . damn, damn, damn, girl,” Barrington called out excitedly because it was all he could do, slapping her ass a couple times before grabbing her hips in an effort to still them. “I don't wanna come again yet. Not before you this time.” Without breaking the union of their joined sweatslick bodies, Barrington quickly and expertly changed their positions, him on top, and somehow, without breaking their rhythm, he plunged deeper inside her, feeling her wrap her

legs around him like an octopus. “Perri . . . I . . . love . . . you. Only you, baby. I love you, sweet Perri.” With each thrust, he made sure to tell her what she meant to him. “You're the best part of me, Perri.” He delved deeper inside her, feeling her muscles constricting around him. “You're my world, baby girl.” His pace quickened. “You're so damn beautiful, Perri.” Feeling her muscles tighten, tense, and then yield to him, he said, “I cherish you, Perri.” He thrust inside her one last time, taking her over the edge. “I would die for you, sweet Perri.” He made sure to go with her when she reached that unexplainable spot, crying out his name, at the same time Barrington got his release, her name on his lips.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE Three months later “Barrington . . .” Perri stopped, calculating how to say the words. This was the fifth discussion they'd had on the subject of babies—more to the point—him wanting to have a baby and, soon. “Look, Barrington, it's not time for us to add another addition to our family; I'm still breastfeeding Imani,” she told him as if he should have known now wasn't a good time to even entertain the prospect of a new baby, let alone proceed to have one. Unable to accept his wife's theory or excuse, Barrington challenged, “Don't you want to have my baby, Perri?” Hearing how ridiculous he was being, she rolled her eyes. “I already have your baby, babe.” “Yeah, and Imani needs a playmate.” “Imani has a playmate—you.” They laughed. “Besides, Barrington, our daughter is still basking in all the attention you lavish upon her. So why should she want to share you so soon?” “I have enough love to go around, Perri, so Imani doesn't have to worry about that changing because she's my favorite girl, after you. But, still, Perri, I have room in my heart for more children—more children with you, because I

love you and I want to experience the joy of going through every stage of pregnancy with you. Is that so bad in your eyes?” She blew out an exasperated breath. “Barrington, I love you; you love me and we both love Imani. For now, why can't that be enough? I know it is for me, because God knows I don't want stepladder kids.” “Exactly, Perri, you don't want any more kids. It's enough for you to just have one, but I want more, and I want them with you.” “Even though it's not what I want?” “Okay, wait, Perri. Answer me this. Why don't you want another child?” “I’m not saying I don't want another child, Barrington; just not right now.” “What's wrong with now, Perri?” “Barri—” “Baby, we're married now,” he cut her off, “so you don't have to worry about going it alone.” Perri lowered her gaze, wondering why he seemed to jump on any bandwagon he could if it meant he got to throw her one mistake with him in her face whenever he didn’t get his way. That routine was getting old real quick, and she was thinking to tell him so, but instead she ended up saying, “That's exactly what I mean.” Whatever she said was said so softly Barrington barely heard her. Having a pretty good hunch what the real problem was, he tried his best to make headway with her,

knowing the past was still an issue for his wife. “I keep telling you it doesn’t matter to me, Perri. I just want us to be able to move forward without all of this tension between us, you know.” She arrested him with a calculating expression. “What are you talking about, Barrington?” “Withholding the truth about Imani from me; leaving me with no explanation . . . all of that.” Barrington’s comment flew all over her. The remark about Imani she understood, although he’d already said he forgave her for that a long time ago. So why bring it up now? And just where did he get off trying to shift blame concerning their turbulent history to her? He was the one who left her high and dry with no explanation like she was one of his typical groupies.

Okay, Perri, just calm down, do not cause a scene now. She folded her arms. “Well, your royal high-priest, I’m ever so grateful for your pardon seeing how I couldn’t live without it and all.” The expression on Barrington’s face changed to one she didn’t recognize. Bitterness? Hurt? No, she’d seen him in each one of those phases. Was it . . . fear? “That’s not what I meant, Perri,” Barrington rushed the words out. “So! You are so ridiculous. I don’t care what you meant, I heard what you said. And just so you know, you are aggravating my soul.” No sooner than the words were out of

her mouth, Perri could feel the harsh slap of cold, tense silence hovering over her, judging her actions harshly, dividing them more. She swallowed a wave of guilt along with the bile clawing its way from the bitter acid lining her stomach to the back of her throat. She covered her mouth. Refusing to break eye contact with his wife, Barrington stated, “Hard to get past this, Perri, if you’re gonna get defensive whenever the subject comes up.”

Was he shifting his share of the blame to her? Perri sat there a bit irritated at his self-indulgent view. She blinked rapidly willing herself to calm down. “Oh, please. The subject didn’t just come up because the conversation wasn’t even in that direction. That is until you just up and steered it there. And maybe, Barrington, that’s the problem. So instead of trying to come at me like the innocent victim, you might wanna take a little responsibility yourself. For everything that’s wrong between us on both counts! Far as I'm concerned, I've been taking all the heat, and I accept my part in this mess. Why won't you?” I don’t believe this girl. After all this time she’s still trying to shift blame on me when she left me and never bothered to contact me or return my calls. What the hell was really her problem? He’d think she’d be grateful that he was not mad at her . . . anymore. But no, she got to take everything he says as a personal affront and go making a federal case out of it. Is this really worth it? Is she? Because he was getting really tired of this one-way mirror that she’s bound and determined to hold in front of his face. However,

he refused to air their heated fellowship in public, choosing to shelve it for the time being. Barrington strongly suggested, “Look, maybe we’d better just go home, I’m sure the sitter won’t mind us returning a few hours earlier.” “I couldn’t agree more.” Without waiting on him to pay the check, Perri snatched up her handbag and stalked out ahead of him almost knocking over a poor waiter in the process. After making apologies to the waiter, she speed walked all the way to the car instead of waiting on the valet attendant to bring it around for them. It took a good seven minutes or so to locate the car, but by now she was just that mad that she didn’t care one way or the other. When Barrington finally caught up to his wife at the car and he was fit to be tied. Going directly to the passenger side, he grabbed her wrist whirling her around, bringing his head down only mere inches from hers. Through clenched teeth he declared, “Let me explain something to you, dear wife. I don't care how mad at me you get you don't go storming out into the pitch, black night by yourself. Not only is it stupid, Perri, it's dangerous.” Without so much as a blink, he said, “Don’t you ever and, I do mean never do some crazy shit like that again.” The intense look in his eyes dared her to challenge him. “Understood?” And her staring at him like he was a moron only pissed him off more. “Just open the door, Barrington, so I can get in.” Cutting her eyes at him she hissed, “You disgust me.” Barrington stared at her for several seconds, battling

his raw emotions as her body language offered him nothing but open hostility. “Right now, girl, you’re not looking too appealing to me either. Open it your damn self.” He stormed around to the driver’s side unlocking the doors as he did. Once inside, he slammed the door, started the engine, put the car in reverse, and barely waited for Perri to get inside good before he backed out of the parking space and sped off with his tires screeching in the process. The ride home was more than bumpy although the road outside was smooth sailing all the way. The air between them was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. Barrington knew he shouldn’t have gotten so upset, no, mad at her. But damn it, Perri was taxing his last nerve with her self-righteous attitude, and he’d had just about all he could stomach for one day. And her waltzing out of the restaurant and wandering around in the dark was the last straw as far as Barrington was concerned. Now, it was one thing for her to act crazy with him, but at least he could keep his eye on her, know she was safe even if she was mad and couldn’t wait to get away from him. However, her pulling that Houdini disappearing shit in public was a different matter altogether, and when he came out of the restaurant and didn’t see her, it didn’t help when the valet informed him that she’d taken off in the direction of the parking lot; the parking lot where no other person was insight except for the occasional valet attendant retrieving someone’s vehicle. He felt the buttons controlling his barely concealed anger snap, and in turn, he actually thought he

could have snapped Perri’s neck off right along with it. Barrington knew his wife was a smart woman with a brilliant mind. So the fact that she didn’t use common sense tonight had him rethinking her grip on reality because, in his mind, any female with the good sense God gave a goose would have known not to go storming off half-cocked in the pitch black of the night alone. Didn’t she know it was dangerous for a woman to be out in the dark completely alone, searching for a car she obviously had no idea where it was parked at in the first place? Didn’t she know if something had happened to her, removing her from his life again, he wouldn’t be able to handle that shit? It was bad enough the first time and he still didn’t have any closure in that chapter of his life. However, to put him through that shit a second time—again—on purpose? Barrington shook that painful thought off. Yes, Perri made him crazy. Yes, she totally ticked him off. Yes, she’d definitely gotten under his skin tonight. Yes, at the moment he couldn’t wait to get away from her. And, yes, yes, a million times yes, he absolutely could almost strangle her with his bare hands. But even with all that pent up aggression staring him in the face, Barrington knew he would never want to return to the empty life he had without Perri in it. Yes, they had issues; major ones, but given time, they could work their way through them together. Barrington was sure of that much. At least he hoped for that much considering half of the healing process was up to Perri. Right now, he knew she wasn’t ready to begin, especially

when she flat out refused to own up to the fact that they were not together when she was pregnant with Imani because of her. And he wasn’t in on anything that had to do with her pregnancy because of her selfishness. For the life of Barrington, he thought he’d forgiven her the transgression that had robbed him of precious moments with his daughter, and at the very least, he’d thought he would be okay with it. But the more he considered her wages of sin against him he couldn’t in all honesty say he’d forgotten the hurt and pain her actions caused him. So then, why had he told Perri it didn’t matter to him? Barrington was still a massive ball of confused nerves about what happened back at the restaurant. He honestly wasn’t trying to pick on Perri. All he was trying to do was express his feelings for her and the truth that he wanted them to have another baby. He stole a peek at her out of the corner of his eye. He wanted to stop the car in the middle of the freeway and hold her in his arms when he saw how her body was twisted so that she totally faced the side window, noting that, if she were any closer to it, she’d fall out of the car if the door were to suddenly be opened. He knew Perri was purposely trying to detach herself from the situation with him and that knowledge ripped at his heart. All he wanted to do was make things easier for her, yet all he seemed to do was cause her more misery. He didn’t want Perri to be scared of him and he didn’t want her to dread being with him, which is exactly what her body language was telling him.

Just like in the past Perri would only let Barrington get so close before she’d free herself and stowaway to her own safety zone that definitely did not include him. He didn’t mind giving her some cooling down time. Hell, they both needed it right now. It was her deliberate exclusion of him that scared him the most about Perri shutting herself down, and him out of her life.

Sweet Perri, how do I make you understand how much I care about you, how much I love you and wanna be the one to make you laugh, not cause you needless pain, he asked in silence. Barrington wanted so badly to make her understand he had feelings too, and just like hers, his could be bruised. Perri wasn’t ready to acknowledge his rights, let alone his feelings; he wasn’t ready to risk pushing his wife over the edge. For now he had to play by Perri’s rules. *** “Hey, Sherrington,” Perri greeted the sitter upon entering the house. “Hey, Mrs. Knight,” said Sherrington with a knowing smile, “early night?” Perri thought Sherrington’s conclusion couldn’t be more wrong because there would be no hanky and no panky, either between her and Barrington on this here night, “Something like that, Sherrington.” Perri smiled at the silent observation though she wanted to cry. Barrington who’d been watching the exchange between the two women from the foyer knew Perri was fighting back

tears, and feeling the need to come to her aid he said, “Thanks for watching Imani for us, Sherrington.” He handed her some bills. “We really do appreciate it.” Accepting the money with a genuine smile, Sherrington said, “No problem, boss, that’s what you pay me for. Besides, Imani is an angel, so that makes it all the more worthwhile.” Grinning, Barrington agreed, “That she is.” Imani started to cry. “There’s still another bottle of breast milk in the fridge,” Sherrington volunteered as she walked out the door. “I’ll go to her,” Perri said, grateful for the escape. “Are you sure, Perri? I can get her if you wanna take a shower or something”

I know this man don’t actually think he’s getting some tonight. Perri swallowed back a curse. “I got her, Barrington, so you can go grab a shower.” A cold one. “Besides, I need to let down, my breast are full tonight.” It was true, though she would have said anything to buy some time from dealing with him any more on this here particular night. She quickly left the room before he could say another word. I guess making love is out of the question, Barrington thought watching her flee the living room like a scared straight student eager to escape the principal’s watchful eyes. He decided it was just as well, knowing he wouldn’t feel the love on Perri’s part considering the disastrous evening they just had together. In spite of being upset with

Perri, Barrington loved her like no other and wanted badly to make love to his wife tonight. Sighing, he marveled at the differences God made between the two sexes that ruled the world. Considering his own ordeal, he realized a man was always ready for sex, no matter what other issues he and his woman might have withstanding between them. A woman, however, had to 'feel up to it' before she would do it. He chuckled in spite of himself. Loosening his tie, Barrington headed for their bedroom with every intention of taking a shower. An extremely cold one. *** Barrington shifted positions causing him to rouse from sleep. Glancing at the clock radio, he realized he must have dozed off within the two hours he’d been waiting up for Perri to come to bed. He was going to apologize to her but reconsidered when he started thinking she purposely didn’t join him in their bedroom . . . probably thinking he was going to try and jump her bones. “You wish,” he muttered to her empty spot, rising to his feet. He thought he’d find her holed up in Imani’s room and he was right. She’d pulled out the daybed and was sound asleep when he pushed the door to Imani’s room open. “Figures,” he said a tad irritated Perri didn’t bother to let him know she wouldn’t be sleeping in their bed tonight. Barrington sighed heavily and turned to leave, then stopped himself. “I’m not gonna let you off the hook that easy. Not

this time, Perri,” he vowed walking into the room. *** Perri stirred in her sleep causing her to fully awake. “Imani, I can’t believe you slept through the entire night without waking up,” she whispered with a smile before opening her eyes. “What the heck!” Perri jumped up, looking around her surroundings, realizing she was in her bedroom. No he did not! She couldn’t believe him. Then again, it was Barrington. “Well, we’ll just see about this bull crap,” she fussed to the room, swinging her legs over the bed onto the floor, pushing herself up. “Barrington Rashaad Knight, you . . . The words died in her throat. Perri smiled in spite of her anger. Barrington was asleep on the daybed with Imani sleeping on top of his chest; it was the perfect picture to jumpstart her morning and her heart, which was now swollen full of unconditional love for her man. “Look at my two babies,” she cooed. “Did I just say that?” “Yes, you did, I heard you,” came Barrington’s easy reply. Forgetting the fact that she was outdone with him, she said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Walking in the room, Perri took a seat at the foot of the daybed. Smiling, she patted Imani’s bottom which was tooted up in the air. She was so cute.

“Oh yeah you did, don’t lie now. You yelled my entire name loud enough to wake the drowsy graveyard shift.” They shared a laugh. “Sorry.” “No you’re not. You came in here fully prepared to chew me out a new one, ripping me a new butt hole in the process. Didn’t you, baby?” Barrington winked. Perri lowered her gaze feeling exposed and chastised. “Don’t sweat it, Perri; I’m not mad at you. Not anymore. I just wanted to show you how it feels to be excluded from the lives of both your spouse and your child.” Feeling the heat rise to her cheeks she could only shrug. “So what time is it anyway?” Barrington asked. “About 9:40.” Barrington grinned. “You know what this means, right?” She shook her head. “What?” “Our girl didn't wake up once all night.” He laughed amused. “I got to be the first to experience this milestone with her,” he bragged. Perri smiled affectionately at him. “Yeah . . . you were, pop.” Barrington kissed Imani’s forehead, she stirred but didn’t wake up. “Daddy’s little girl. My sweet Cupcake,” he announced to no one in particular. Even without him saying it, Perri could tell it really meant a lot to Barrington being the first to share something

huge in Imani's life. She wouldn’t begrudge him his moment as the leading role in their daughter’s life. She had to admit he’d definitely earned it and deserved it more than her. Not that it was a contest, mind you. Standing, she announced, “I’ll start breakfast. Meet you downstairs,” and pecked the back of Imani's head and her husband's forehead before leaving father and daughter— soul playmates, alone. Her heart was full. “My cup runneth over,” Perri whispered brushing happy tears from her eyes the moment she stepped foot in the kitchen. Moments later, she felt familiar arms encircle her waist. Hugging her tightly to his chest, Barrington said, “Don’t cry, sweet Perri. I wasn’t trying to take anything from you. I swear.” Turning in the circle of his arms, she snuggled against his bare chest. “It’s not that.” Perri looked up into his eyes. “I’m truly happy for you, Barrington.” Rising on tiptoe, she kissed his lips softly at first, once, twice. Then feeling a wave of desire sweep through her body, she boldly deepened the kiss, surprising them both; however, she didn’t have to demand too hard because Barrington fully gave himself to her just like always. In that instant, she couldn’t have loved him more, but somehow, she did, the advantage and pleasure, all hers. “I love you, Barrington Rashaad Knight.” Grinning, he lovingly framed her face. “Sweet Perri, I love you.”

Barrington took possession of Perri's mouth and this time, as his tongue led the way, her tongue followed, creating a soul-stirring, passionate kiss filled to the brim and running over with pure love. Before she knew what was happening, Barrington had carried her over to the table, took a seat in the chair positioning her on his lap so that she was straddling him. He broke their kiss long enough to declare, “Perri Tania Milan Knight, my wife, I love you for life. I need you, baby, and I want to look at you as I make love with you and to you.” Before she could speak, he captured her lips again. Again, her tongue followed his tongue wherever it led, initiating a wonderful challenge of tongue-of-war, the advantage belonging to them both. Together, Barrington and Perri made sweet love and this time was more beautiful than any other, as his seed entered her garden, firmly rooting, grounding, and settling itself in her womb. “Barrington,” Perri whispered, spent after giving herself fully to him, “my heart is so full of love for you, my cup runneth over, darling. My cup runneth over.” Tightly wrapped up in a sweet embrace, they cuddled until their daughter woke up crying, which was exactly an hour later.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO “What's up with the Milan women, Usher?” Barrington asked his brother-in-law. Laughing, Usher stated, “That's a loaded question, man.” He pointedly glanced at his watch. “How much time you got to spare because the answers could take half the night?” Barrington grinned, asking, “That bad, huh?” Usher shrugged. “Umm, depends on whose eyes you’re looking through.” “Tell me about them through your eyes then.” “Well, let's see.” Usher thought a moment then continued. “Perri's the tough one; but she's all heart, honestly.” He cocked his head. “But hey, I don't have to tell you that.” “Barrington grinned. “No, you don't. But I am puzzled,” he admitted. “Those three sisters, they're close but they're so completely different.” “Of course they are. You just have to get used to them, once you know them, that is.” Usher beamed before commenting, “Hunter, while she's the first to open her heart up to you, Tyler, she’s the first to give you the benefit of the doubt, and Perri, well, she's the first to give you the shirt off her back if she thinks it'll ease your pain.” “Yeah,” Barrington agreed, “Perri's special like that.” He smiled proudly.

*** Barrington watched the Milan women interact with one another. They’d been poking fun at each other all day long. “You people are not well.” Barrington laughed. “Well, it’s too late now,” Mattie told him. “You’ve done said ‘I do’ so like it or not, you in this crazy family, too.” Barrington wrapped his arms around Perri’s waist, pulling her close to his chest. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, Ms. Mattie.” He kissed his wife’s neck as she rested her weight against him, folding her arms over his. “Wouldn’t matter if you did, son,” Mattie continued with a mischievous half smile. “You can’t handle us Milan women when we band together.” “That’s right,” Hunter said, looking at her husband. “Ask Usher, he know all about that. Don’t you, baby?” She kissed his lips tenderly. “Oh, I’m gonna be sick,” Tyler made a gagging motion with her hands. Mattie looked at her youngest granddaughter, “You just hush, child. Your day coming when the love bug bite you in your flat booty, too,” she said as a matter of fact. Everybody laughed, including Tyler. “Madear . . .” Tyler whined as she touched the seat of her pants. “What, girl? Don’t get new just because the truth

embarrasses you. You know good and darn well I’d have to go down to that school for a parent and teacher conference on a monthly basis because them raggedy kids used to call you ‘big gut, no butt.’” Barrington fell back on the couch taking Perri with him as she tumbled sideways while he laughed himself silly. “Say it isn’t so . . .” he managed to get out and laughed even harder. “It is so, too,” Mattie said. “That’s why I had to be down at that school about twice a week.” “Madear,” all three of her granddaughters said. “Ms. Mattie, I thought you said it was once a month?” Usher said, trying to control his laughter. “Hush, boy. I know you know it’s disrespectful to correct your elders, especially when you don’t even know what you talking about. I said I was down there on a monthly basis the first time, but I didn’t say how many times in that one month. I’m not crazy. You might think I am but I’m not. That’s why I remember I was down there twice a week because Hunter, Perri, and Tyler would’ve done gotten into a squabble or a fight because those mannish kids were picking on my baby. So see, Usher, you talk what you know and know what you talking about before you try and dispute it.” Everyone was in tears laughing so hard. “Yes Ma’am, Ms. Mattie,” Usher saluted her. Mattie laughed. “Oh, boy, forget you.” Barrington looked at his youngest sister-in-law. “So

when’d you lose the gut and gain the butt, Tyler?” He broke out laughing again. Tyler tossed a throw pillow at him. “Shut up, Barrington,” she laughed too. Perri shoved his rib with her elbow, “Don’t be laughing at my sister.” “I know that’s right.” Hunter looked from her husband to her brother-in-law, “You about to make us show you how it was back at the ole school.” She was dead serious. “See what you got started, Ms. Mattie,” Barrington playfully accused. “Started nothing,” Mattie quipped. “All I did was told you all the truth. Besides, I did tell y’all how protective my babies are of each other, so don’t be blaming me because you were just foolish enough to see for yourself.” “That’s right,” Perri kissed Barrington on the cheek. “Hey, hey, hey,” Tyler interrupted. “Don’t be fraternizing with the enemy, Perri.” Barrington tossed her a playful dirty look. “Um, little sister, how about you mind your business.” “My sister is my business, big brother.” “She may be your sister but she’s my wife and I got the leading role in her life.” Looking at his wife Barrington said, “And we trying to make love not war.” “That’s what I’m talking about,” Usher piped in. Both Barrington and Usher looked back at Tyler. “So peace,” they said in unison and made the sign with their

hands. Everybody laughed. Imani started babbling like she was trying to get her say in, too. “That’s right, Cupcake.” Barrington picked up his daughter. “You take up for your daddy even if mommy does leave him hanging.” “Hey,” Perri cut her eyes at him. Barrington kissed her lips and whispered something in her ear that caused his wife to giggle. He softly kissed her lips again as Imani squealed in delight.” “Hey,” Mattie said. “Y’all aren’t over there being mannish are you?” “Ms. Mattie, there are some things a husband and wife have to keep between them.” Mattie chuckled. “Keep it to yourself then, son. I don’t even wanna imagine what that husband had to say to his wife.” She laughed. “Nah, you don’t have to imagine, Ms. Mattie,” Barrington teased. “Like you said, you aren’t crazy, so you know what goes on between a husband and wife behind closed doors. I mean—” “Boy, hush!” Mattie scolded. “That’s my granddaughter whose business you putting on front street. Now, true enough, she may be your wife. But she was my baby before she became your woman. And there are just some things a mama doesn’t wanna think about her girls doing.” Unable to look anybody in the eye Perri could only lower her gaze as everyone else laughed.

“And when little Miss Imani over there gets grown and gone, you’ll see exactly what I mean,” Mattie went on to say. Barrington grew serious, “Nuh-un, no way, no how, Ms. Mattie,” he disagreed. “I’m gonna keep her on permanent lockdown till she turn twenty-seven.” “Boy, please,” Mattie complained, “what kind of foolishness you talking about?” “I’m serious, Ms. Mattie. Imani gonna be on housearrest from age twelve to twenty-six,” Barrington said serious as all getup. “House arrest? Lockdown? Boy, what kind of mess are you tripping on?” Mattie planted her hand on her hip. “And why weren’t you singing that same tune when you and Perri were out yonder having big fun making my grandbaby?” “Madear!” Perri’s face was a flaming fire. “That’s not funny, Barrington.” “What, child? I’m just saying.” She turned to Barrington, “That when the time comes, you got to cut the cord; otherwise, they’ll try to break free and end up choking themselves.” Mattie shook her head. “You don’t want that, son, I know you don’t.” Beaming at his daughter with pride, Barrington agreed, “You right, Ms. Mattie. I don’t want that. I’d kill myself first,” he promised. “Huh?” Mattie questioned. “You still talking crazy,” she said, shaking her head. Everybody laughed.

“I just love you, Ms. Mattie.” “I just love me some you, too, Barrington. God knows I do. But you still sound crazy,” she accused then laughed along with everyone else.

PART 2 Falling in love is easy to do, The hard part is staying in love Through thick and thin . . .

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE Nia went to answer her door with a brand new stride in her step. “Get on in here, girl.” She hugged her friend, pulling her inside. “You in a good mood today,” Tina observed. “Yes I am. And with good reason, too, I might add.” Tina laughed, placing her portfolio on the table in the foyer before joining her friend in the living room. “Do share then, girl.” She plopped down on the couch. “Whew, child, I am so dog tired. Sleep is gonna feel so good to me tonight. Let me tell you.” “Forget sleep, Tina. I got great news.” Tina smiled, noting the glow on her friend's face. “Okay, I'll bite. What's up?” “I'm pregnant!” Nia announced with joyful laughter and a twirl around in a circle. “Isn't that the greatest news?” Tina was still dumbfounded. She had to have heard her friend wrong. “Tina?” Nia called out to her. “Did you hear me?” “I'm not sure, Nia. I thought I heard you say you were pregnant—” “That's exactly what I said.” Nia beamed with unmistakable pride. “How can you be pregnant?” Tina questioned, still reeling from shock. Nia laughed out loud and stared at Tina like it should

have been obvious. But then again, she had to remember, her case wasn't exactly normal. “I'm not exactly pregnant yet,” she admitted. “But I will be tomorrow,” she quickly added. Tina tried not to, but she couldn't help it. She burst into laughter. “Oh, you finally accepted a date with that fine as wine Kane, huh?” Nia crinkled up her nose. “Girl, please. Nobody over here is even thinking about him.” “Wanna bet?” Tina laughed, fanning herself like she was all hot and bothered. Nia laughed, too. “You go out with him then.” “Girl, all the man gotta do is holler at me and I'll have him hollering all night.” They broke into laughter again. “Girl, he'll have a sister chanting 'say my name, boy, say my name.'” The two friends howled in laughter for the next five minutes. “Girl, you don’t have a lick of sense. Not an inkling thin string of it,” Nia told her. “This from a woman who about to get her freak on with a man she just met?” “I didn't just meet him.” Tina laughed and shook her head, “Yeah, right. Okay, whatever you say, Nia. I’m not even mad at you, girl.” She grinned mischievously.

“I'm serious, Tina. I'm not about to be getting busy with no stranger.” Tina was thoroughly confused. “Then how do you intend to get pregnant tonight?” “I didn't say tonight. Did I? I said tomorrow.” “What's going on, Nia?” “Life, Tina, is going on; mine to be exact.” She smirked. “And as of tomorrow, the new life of my child will be growing inside of me.” “You lost me, Nia. I don't understand. How can you be so sure you'll conceive tomorrow, with whoever this mystery man is?” “I already made the arrangements. I'm gonna have a baby soon.” “Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up, Nia. What do you mean you're gonna have a baby soon? I didn't even know you were seeing anyone.” “I'm not.” “Then, how are you gonna have a baby soon?” “Like I said, I've made the arrangements already.” “Do you mean to tell me you're going to some clinic to have some strange man's kid?” “He's not a strange man, I know who he is.” “If you know who he is then why didn't you do it in the traditional fashion?” Instead of answering, Nia began tidying up her living room.

“Nia, I'm talking to you.” “And there's nothing else left to say; just get ready to be called Auntie in about nine months.” “Hold up.” Tina laughed. “You're gonna have to do better than that. I want details. Dish the dirt, girl. Who is this alleged man?” “He's not alleged when he exist.” “Who is he, Nia?” Tina looked at her long and hard. “No you did not?” She slowly shook her head in dismay. “Tell me you did not trick Barrington into getting you pregnant.” “I do not have to trick any man into getting me pregnant,” she lied, “not directly, anyway.” “What does that mean? And before you say anything, the mere fact you said what you just said, lets me know that it does involve Barrington.” Tina folded her arms. “Now you better start talking right now, Nia.” Nia sighed long and hard. “I am going to have a baby— Barrington's baby. But he doesn't know it yet.” “What the heck do you mean he doesn't know it? How can he not know it? Was he drunk?” “No.” “What the freak?” She took a deep breath. “All right,” Tina announced, grabbing her head in exasperation and feeling a headache coming on. She sat on the edge of the couch, attempting to brace herself for what she knew was one unbelievable story. “Nia, let's have it. The whole story; start from the beginning.” For the next twenty minutes, Nia told Tina her diabolical

plan and how it came to evolve. Not believing her friend, Tina told her, “You are starkraving mad, girl. Do you honestly think you're gonna get away with that foolishness?” “I've already gotten away with it; he has no idea.” Nia smirked. “Yet!” Tina laughed sarcastically. “That's not something you can keep hidden, you know. He is eventually gonna know you're pregnant; you're the man's housekeeper.” “Was.” “What?” “I was his housekeeper.” “You quit?” Tina was shocked. “No. Not yet, anyway. But I do plan to take a leave of absence.” “When?” “End of the week.” “Why so soon?” “Can't chance Barrington finding out my secret; I'm not ready yet. The time has to be exact in order for my plan to come off without a hitch.” “But you don't really plan to go back, if you go through with this crazy plan of yours, right?” “Of course I plan to go back, Tina. How else am I gonna be able to keep tabs on my baby's daddy?” She laughed at her own pun. “Why do you need to keep tabs on a man who is not

your own, Nia?” “That's a temporary problem; believe me, Tina, I've got a permanent solution.” “Meaning what, Nia?” She shook her head. “Because if you think Barrington's gonna come to you willingly, or for that matter, that Perri's gonna willingly give him up, you're totally over the top, girl. He is her husband, you know, not to mention the father of her baby that already does exist.” “I'm not worried about little Miss Perri.” “Well, you should be, Nia. In fact, you should be afraid; be very afraid.” “She's the one who needs to be afraid,” Nia said suddenly angry. “Nia, this whole thing is just ludicrous. No. It's downright insane. And it will never work.” “Shows how much you know. I want what I want. And I am going to get what I want, Tina, or die trying,” Nia vowed. “No, you're gonna end up in prison, if not in an asylum, time this whole mess is said and done.” Tina shook her head. “I'm begging you, Nia. Don't do this.” “Too late; it's already done and it can't be undone.” Nia turned on her friend. “If you can't get with the plan, Tina, then I honestly don't need you, much less your approval so you can leave.” “You can say this to me after all we've been through together?” “My baby is what matters most, Tina. So, yes, if you don't want to be part of my child's life, then leave is exactly

what you need to do.” “You're serious?” “I’m dead serious.” “And that's exactly what your plan is, Nia; a deadly, dangerous game.” “I'm not playing games, Tina. I'm playing for keeps, and that's real.” Tina scratched her scalp. “You're trying to get, trap, and keep a man who doesn't even view you in that way, Nia.” She shook her head. “That's just crazy any way you look at it, girl. And if you think I'm gonna help you with something so evil, you'd better think again. Long and hard!” She glared at her friend. “You leave me out of whatever scheme you got cooked up.” “Let me explain something to you, Tina. With or without you, this baby—mine and Barrington's is going to be born.” She quirked her eyebrow and said, “Now, while you don't have to like it, I expect you to respect it.” “Respect it?” Tina repeated incredulous. “How, Nia, do you respect something so twisted up? Sperm napping? What kind of mess is that? Who does that?” “It's not mess, Tina. And I resent that comment.” Waving her off, Tina said, “You do realize what you did is called stealing, Nia, right?” “I didn't steal anything. Sperm is a gift that no man is able to take back.” Tina couldn't believe her ears. “Sperm is something a

man usually passes on to a woman of his own choosing, Nia.” Shaking her head, she reminded her, “Barrington doesn't have a clue you're even in love with him, let alone that you took some leftover sperm you found in one of his used condoms. That's just nasty, by the way. But did you stop there, Nia? No. From there, you had his sperm frozen until you were ready to have yourself artificially inseminated with it. That's just downright stupid, by the way.” A dark look passed through Nia's eyes, but she quickly reeled it back in. “I've heard enough from you, Tina. I want you to leave my house this instant.” She narrowed her eyes at her. “And, I expect you to keep your mouth shut about my secret. It's my business to tell, and when and if I do is completely up to me.” “Nia, no one would believe me if I did say something. But this competition you got going on with Perri is totally not healthy. And as your friend, Nia, I'm telling you, you need to seek some professional guidance to get over it. I mean, exactly what is with this vendetta you have going with Perri? For some reason, to you it's personal. Why? What's she ever done to you?” “She stole my man, that's what,” Nia declared in a hostile tone. Shaking her head, Tina said, “Excuse me, but did I miss something? You see, I was under the impression that you were Barrington’s housekeeper. When was he ever your man, Nia?” Nia rolled her eyes hard, smacking her lips. “The point

is he would've been were it not for that heifer Perri. Why did she have to come into his life anyway?” she complained with a scowl marring her beautiful face. Tina was honestly concerned for her friend, “Nia? Honey, listen to me, try to hear me. This is beneath you. You are a very beautiful young woman; any man would be proud to have you. Any available man,” she clarified. “I don't want any man, I want my man. And that's Barrington. Period.” “For the last time, Nia, Barrington is not yours. He's Perri's husband. Period.” “Not for long, I'll tell you that much.” “That woman doesn't deserve this, Nia. You say you love Barrington and yet you're willing to intentionally hurt the woman he loves with his whole life. And as for Perri, she's a very nice person—” “She's the bitch that stole my man!” Nia hissed. “I don't care about Perri.” “That's obvious. But you know what, Nia? Maybe you should because it would save you a lot of heartache and embarrassment in the long run.” “What is that supposed to mean?” “Girl, jealousy is not pretty,” Tina stated the obvious. “Why do you think envy is referred to as the 'green eyed monster'? That is not how your stunning emerald green eyes were meant to be used, Nia.” “Call me what you want, Tina. Just stay out of my way, or I will make you regret the day we ever met, girl,” Nia

promised. “Too late, Nia, I already do.” Snatching up her purse, Tina parted with these words, “If you come to your senses, Nia, you know where to find me.” And she was gone. Nia glared at the front door as if she could set fire to it. “Who needs you anyway, true blue!” she screamed to no one in particular. Her eye caught a glimpse of something and she moved over to the foyer. Picking up a portfolio, she realized that Tina left it behind in her haste to leave. Serves her judgmental self just right, Nia thought bitterly. Looking through the designs, Nia had to admit they were fabulous. “I didn't know Tina could rock like this.” Then she examined the designs closer and knew Tina didn't have it going on like that. She was good, true enough, but she hadn't reached this level of perfection yet. Flipping the page, Nia studied the next design. Each one was better than the last. She carefully removed one of the designs, walked over to the bay window and held it up to the light. A wicked smile spread across her lips. On the tip of one of the shoes the sketched models were wearing, the initials: PTM lightly penciled in. In fact, it was so small the naked eye would surely miss it. But thanks to Nia's cunning and crafty side, she wasn't the one to be so easily fooled. Not when she was a self-taught master of manipulation who was definitely at the top of her game. “Oh, yes, thank you fate. Gotcha, Perri; thanks to good old Tina.” Nia laughed wickedly with a sinister plan already

formulated in her criminal mind.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR “What’s up, Kane?” Barrington laughed at his daughter's bottom lip poked out as she pouted at him because he wouldn't give her another bite of chocolate ice cream. He'd just finished telling her how mad her mommy would be if she knew he gave her the few spoonfuls he had already. “Hey man, I'm about maybe fifteen minutes or so from landing,” Kane Devoe said in his smooth baritone voice that was so much like Barrington's it was downright scary. Even their singing voices resembled, though their styles were different. Barrington and Kane, though second cousins, had been thick as thieves growing up, and to this day, were still as close as any two men who weren't actually blood brothers could be. “Cool,” Barrington responded, balancing Imani in one arm while spying his watch. “I'll be there when you hop off the plane. You should have just let me send the jet to fly you in then you wouldn’t have to be sneaking off to the bathroom to use your cell phone that you’re not supposed to have turned on when a commercial flight is in the air, man.” “Man, it’s all good. And it’s even better that you’ll be here when the plane lands because I got one serious case of jet lag and sleep can't come soon enough.” “I hear you, man, but hey. Just know I appreciate you

agreeing to fly in and take my place for the remainder of the tour. I know Crush appreciates it as well.” “Not a problem, man. Though I'm still not sure how you managed to talk Toby into that one.” Kane laughed, shaking his head in amazement. Laughing too, Barrington said, “Toby works for me, though he seems to forget that sometimes, still, he wasn't as hard pressed about it as you'd think he'd be, considering I still owe him two more shows.” He shrugged. “It helps out a lot that the last show is right here in Charlotte, so really, he couldn't whine too much. Besides, it's just one night; I do plan on being part of the last show here. We both will be, so the crowd gets what they paid for plus one more.” “I hear you, man. Donovan and Dazzy were amazed I even agreed to do it; but then again, they know how close we are, so really, they shouldn't be all that surprised. Like you say, it's just two more shows and, it's back to the gospel scene for me.” “By the way, how's that going? Are you any closer to finishing the debut CD?” “Man, it has been a minute since we last talked,” Kane remarked with a low whistle. “The tracks are done, man; scheduled to drop in the next month, if not before, depending on how many pre-interviews come up.” “That's great, Kane. I'm real proud of you, man.” Imani cooed like she was, too. “Thanks, B; means a lot coming from you.” Kane

laughed. “That your daughter I hear?” Grinning, Barrington proudly said, “That's my Cupcake.” He kissed her cheek. “Man, I got the pictures you sent me of her; she's a real beauty; going to have to beat the boys off with a stick, man, when she's older.” “What you mean older?” Barrington asked serious. “Don't matter her age Imani will still be too young to date as far as I'm concerned.” Kane laughed. “You’re worse than Donovan with Sierra.” He shook his head. “When you two gonna learn you got to give your kids room to spread their wings and fly? I mean, Donovan, all his life, you know he was his own person, doing exactly what he wanted no matter how it came across to anyone else. Sierra's just like him, too; but Donovan don't wanna let her grow, like she gonna stay ten forever or something. It's crazy, man. And you are, too, if you think you can keep Imani holed up in her room 'till she turn twenty-two,” Kane said laughing out loud. “Oh, I'm not gonna keep her housed 'till she turn twentytwo; I was thinking more like twenty-six.” They laughed. “Boy, you are crazy.” Kane looked at his watch. “So you'll be on time, correct?” He hated waiting on a ride once he was where he needed to be. Barrington knew his cousin was normally a very patient man, save when it came to waiting on a ride. During their teenage years, Kane had made it a point to do the driving

just so there was no chance in him being late, or having to wait for more than fifteen minutes on a designated driver who had no problem taking their sweet time to pick them up. Laughing, he said, “Don't sweat it, Kane. I'll be there before you land.” Imani squeezed his nose. “Wait 'till you see Cupcake in person, man; you gonna fall right in love with her,” Barrington promised. “I'm sure I will.” Kane loved kids. In their family he was the middle child of three sons and brother to Donovan and Dazzy of the group Soul Deep, a mixture of soulful R&B and pop with a tendency to cross over into new jack swing hip hop. When they first started performing in local talent shows for exposure, the crowd was always shocked to see they were a young white group belting out their own original soulful lyrics. Kane, on the other hand, was more grounded and seriously rooted in the contemporary gospel flavor of the music industry. He along with his father, Reverend Devoe often toured together, and honestly, that was exactly where Kane’s heart was settled. One day when he had children of his own, he planned to have them tour with him while they, as a family showcased their talent for the glory of God. Kane was so excited about his CD dropping within the next month he was literally floating on air. He was especially excited that he had two cuts on the CD that featured his brothers and on another cut his father sang with him. To Kane family was everything and he loved as well as cherished his with a healthy passion, and there was nothing, absolutely nothing he wouldn't do to keep his family safe from harm. And for him, family included his close

friends, too, though he was very careful whom he referred to as friend; but if you fit into that category, you had a friend who stuck closer than a brother for life. “All right, B, get to rolling. See in a few.” “No doubt, man, Cupcake and I will be at the Airport shortly.” Barrington flipped his cell shut, hoisting Imani in his arms. “Let's get you into your shoes, little one.” Now where had he placed her shoes? he wondered, looking around the living room. Nia who had been waiting in the shadows as she listened in on his one-way conversation with his cousin while observing how amazingly awesome her boss was with his daughter, stepped into the living room. “Would you like for me to watch her, sir?” Barrington turned to see his housekeeper smiling at his daughter. “Thank you, Nia, but I wouldn't ask you to watch Imani; she's my responsibility, but I appreciate the offer.” After placing his daughter on the couch and surrounding her with throw pillows, he got down on all fours and looked under the couch, hoping he'd find her shoes there. For the life of him he didn't know where they were, but he did know that if he dared to take her outside without anything on her feet Perri would have his head. It didn't matter to her that it was the middle of May and hot as all getup. This morning she'd almost bit his head off when, after he'd bathed and dressed her, Perri saw that he hadn't bothered to put Imani's sandals on. To Barrington it was just too hot and since her feet wouldn't be touching the ground

anyway, what did it really matter? Perri, however, saw it in a completely different light and ordered him to “get those sandals on my daughter's feet.” Not wanting to argue first thing this morning, Barrington just did as she told him, knowing that once they were in the car Imani would fidget until she got them off her feet and he wasn't going to bother about trying to keep them on her. She didn't need them on anyway. “That's where they are!” It suddenly dawned on Barrington that no sooner than they were in the car his daughter had sure enough wiggled her feet free of her sandals so they had to still be in the car. Nia was grinning at him when Barrington rose to his feet. “I take it you recall where you placed her shoes, huh?” Looking down at Imani, he said, “Yeah, Cupcake kicked them off in the car.” He shook his head with a slight grin. “She can't stand wearing shoes, but Perri refuses to let her go outside the house without them on her feet.” He looked at Nia. “She'd have my head in a slingshot if she knew I didn't bother to keep up with them, or try to keep Imani's feet in them for that matter. Not like that was gonna happen anyway, but Perri would rather keep putting them back on her feet even though five minutes later she'll have kicked them off again.” He laughed out loud. Nia smiled amused that being a father amused him. “You're really great with her, you know.” “I don't know about all that but I do try.” He paused as his chest swelled with pride. “She's my heart, Nia.”

Nia laughed. “I can see that, sir.” “Well, after Perri she is,” he rephrased his last statement. He hadn't noticed that Nia's expression changed to a slight grimace. “Of course, sir, I can see that, too.” And Nia didn't like that one bit. Perri just kept on getting in between her and her man and that would never continue to do. Nia had to do something about little Miss Perri, and soon. After retrieving her shoes from the car, securing her other sandal on the left foot, Barrington scooped Imani up in his arms as she squealed her delight, hoping it was play time again. He chuckled. “Not right now, Cupcake We gotta get your godfather at the airport in less than ten minutes. Good thing we not too far from there now because he hates to wait on a ride, and knowing him, he'd find his own way over here.” He looked at Nia, “Kane, my cousin I told you about, is in town. We're headed out to get him now,” he informed her with a slight grin. Nia brushed imaginary lint from her skirt. “That's nice, sir; I'm sure you two will have a nice visit. How long's he here for?” she asked, though she couldn’t care less. “He'll be here a minute; he's gonna take my spot on the remainder of the tour that way it frees me up to spend time with my two favorite girls.” A tinge of jealousy coursed through the blood in Nia's veins. She was supposed to be his favorite girl. She thought of the child that was now growing inside her womb. Nia's gaze slid to the child Barrington held so loving and

protective in his arms. She was a beauty, Nia had to admit. That didn't bother her, because she knew any child Barrington's sperm was responsible for producing couldn't be anything but beautiful since the man himself was an absolute gorgeous god. That brought a genuine smile to her face. “Sir, I can watch her for you, I really don't mind. Besides, it doesn't make sense to take her out in the heat when it's not necessary. It'll be easier on you if she's not underfoot while you help your cousin collect his luggage and whatnot.” “That's true.” Barrington thought a minute. He loved being with his daughter, but Nia was right. It would take less time if he went to the airport without her; that way he could make sure to be back by the time Perri arrived to pick her up on her way home from work. Normally he would have kept Imani all day, taking her to visit with his parents' but today he really needed to hit the studio so he and Kane could practice for the tour that, thankfully, his cousin had agreed to finish in his place. “Okay, Nia.” He didn't see any harm in her watching Imani for thirty minutes. He'd be back before Perri got there, so she didn't even have to know, since she didn't much care for Nia in the first place. Barrington didn't know why, but for some reason, Perri just did not trust his housekeeper, even though she was harmless as a dove. She’d worked for him for the past five years and he figured it just stood to reason he knew Nia better than his wife did.

Besides, if Nia wanted to hurt him in all this time she would have done it by now. Instead, Barrington trusted Nia because she’d never proven herself to be anything less than honest in his sight, which is why she had a key to clean his house and her own bedroom whenever she house-sat for him when he was on the road. Nia might have been lonely without her family living here in the States with her, but she was harmless and Perri would learn that for herself eventually. Nia smiled as she stepped up to take the child from his arms. Imani giggled, threading her little fingers through Nia's long curly hair. “Hey, baby girl.” She kissed the child's plump cheek. “You are so sweet.” Yes, she was definitely a beauty. “We'll be fine, won't we, Imani?” Again, Imani laughed, kicking her feet in total delight. Barrington was relieved, “She likes you, Nia.” “Of course she does, sir. What's not to like?” She playfully hinted, but in a way she was dead serious. Looking at Imani, Nia thought, this should be our baby, Barrington. But not to worry; our love child will be born soon enough. “Tell daddy bye-bye.” Nia waved her little hand at him. Barrington leaned down and kissed his daughter on the forehead. “Daddy will be right back, Cupcake. Be good for Nia, sweetie.” Grabbing his keys, he left. Nia sat on the couch with the baby in her lap and immediately shed Imani's feet of the sandals, carelessly

tossing them to the floor. Standing, she promised, “We're gonna have so much fun, baby girl.” She kissed her on the cheek, cuddling her to her chest, tickled pink that she was holding the child of the man she loved with all her heart. It thrilled her even more knowing soon, she too, would be giving birth to the child of the man she loved heart, soul, and mind. *** “All right, Perri, spill it,” Tyler ordered, accosting her older sister. Laughing, Perri said, “Spill what, honey?” “Don't play with me, girl.” Glancing at Barrington's estate and back to her sister, she said, “You know darn well what I'm talking about.” For some reason Tyler felt her liver quiver. Sweeping her sister’s hair out of her face, Perri said, “Tyler, I just got here myself, in case you haven't noticed. So, no, I don't know what you're talking about?” Arresting her with an evil eye, Tyler stated, “So I suppose you didn't see that stranger who just walked into Barrington's house then?” Perri was about to comment when Barrington suddenly appeared in the doorway. “Perri, baby, look who's here,” he announced. At that moment, the stranger Tyler referred to stuck his head out the door. Perri smiled eager to get inside, not only to see her

daughter, but also to greet their guest. “So?” Tyler asked again. Though Perri knew what her sister meant, she couldn't help teasing her. It was rare that any man caught her little sister's attention, so when it happened, both Perri and Hunter teased her immensely. “So?” “Stop playing with me, girl. Tell me now,” Tyler demanded, blocking the path leading from Perri's car to Barrington's huge mansion. “Who's that fine tall, deliciously sunbathed man that walked up in there with your husband? Who is he?” Laughing, Perri said, “All right, all right. That refreshing sight you're drinking in happens to be Kane Devoe.” Tyler wrinkled her nose. “Kane Devoe?” she repeated. “As in—” “Donovan and Dazzy Devoe from Soul Deep,” Perri finished for her. “Yes.” “Whoa!” Tyler was stunned but pleasantly so. They laughed. “Seriously, how come you didn't tell me about him? I've never seen him before. He's not part of Soul Deep, right?” “That's right, Tyler.” “Why? They’re from the same gene pool, so I'm sure along with being blessed with good looks, he's got to be packing a mighty fine tune, too.” “You right; he can belt them out just as strongly as his brothers or cousins.”

“Did you just say cousin?” Perri nodded. “Is that as in Barrington's cousin?” Perri nodded. “That man, Kane Devoe is my brother-in-law's cousin?” “His second cousin to be exact, baby sister.” Perri laughed at the awestruck expression on her little sister's face. “He's a doll, isn't he?” Tyler swallowed hard. “He's plain gorgeous,” she stated dreamily. “Perri, are you coming in or what?” Barrington hollered from the doorway. “Coming,” Perri called back. Taking her sister's hand, she announced, “Come on, Tyler, I'll introduce you to your future babies' daddy.” She laughed when Tyler’s mouth fell open. “I didn't say all that, Perri. I just think he's really good looking, that's all,” Tyler insisted with a slight smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “So what's he doing here?” “Let's find out. You ready?” Perri asked, seeing right through her baby sister’s calm façade. Tyler's eyes said no; her mind said, go for it. And her mouth said, “Yeah,” and she allowed her sister to lead her up the walkway. “So who's that stunning woman outside, B?” Kane asked with a wolfish grin. Barrington laughed. “That's my wife, man, so step off.”

“Quit playing, man. You know who I'm referring to. Now tell me. Who is she?” Barrington chuckled at the awestruck look on his cousin's face. It was a first where any woman—beautiful or otherwise was concerned—which meant this particular woman had awakened something interesting within him. “B?” Kane prompted after boldly looking out the window, watching the two women converse. Shaking his head, Barrington knew for sure now that Kane Devoe had finally discovered that, in spite of his chosen area of music, he was still a man who could appreciate a fine sister when he came across one. Especially one as beautiful as the Milan sisters were blessed to be. “Hurry up, man,” Kane ordered anxiously. “They’re getting ready to come inside.” “That's a good thing because I miss my wife and, I'm—” “Barrington!” Kane half shouted. Barrington laughed out loud. “Easy, man.” He laughed again. “That's Perri's little sister, Tyler Milan.” Kane felt a stirring inside at just the mention of her name. “She got a man?” Hearing the pair of sisters enter the house, Barrington only shook his head no. He held back a laugh watching his cousin nod in both understanding and appreciation. “Hey, baby.” Barrington greeted his wife with a welcome kiss. On the sly he whispered in her ear, “Wait until I get you alone; I got big plans for you tonight.”

“Hey yourself,” Perri returned her husband's warm kiss. She grew hot upon hearing his promise of a beautiful night, no doubt, filled with much lovemaking. Kane cleared his throat. “Hey, Perri,” he said and held open his arms for a hug. Smiling, Perri went into his outstretched arms, hugging him in a brotherly fashion. The two of them had always interacted like brother and sister. “Hey, man. It's good to see you. It's been a while.” “I'd say so, little mommy.” Perri lit up at the reference of her daughter. “Have you seen her yet?” “Haven't received the pleasure just yet, but I'm definitely looking forward to it.” “She's gonna steal your heart,” Perri promised. “I have no doubt. Besides, your husband basically made the same statement, so it must be true.” They all laughed. Kane’s appreciative eyes traveled past Perri, landing on the beautiful Tyler Milan. He couldn't help noticing she was even more striking up close. Now, he wanted to get personal. “I see you have company, too.” His smile sent shivers racing up and down Tyler's spine as she melted under the heat of his gaze. Perri stepped back, reaching for her sister's hand. “This, Kane Devoe, is my little sister, Tyler Milan.” She joined her husband's side as the two strangers shook

hands. Perri gazed up at Barrington at the same time he lightly squeezed her waist. “Looks like a hit to me,” she mouthed to her husband, who nodded. “It's nice to meet you, Kane.” Tyler greeted, ignoring the butterflies she felt under his intense gaze; and that was pale in comparison to the incredible jolt of wonder and awe that shimmied in her lower belly with just the mention of his name. But his eyes a striking shade of ice blue to be exact is what truly lured her in. Well, that along with the fact that he was at least six-three, well built in all the right places, and his whole demeanor screamed “man—all man.” Tyler tried forcing her eyes to stay focused on his enchanting ice blue eyes and nothing more. Lightly squeezing her hand affectionately, Kane assured her, “The pleasure belongs to me, Tyler.” He couldn't help staring at her, though he did try not to. But with an exquisite face such as hers, it was hard not to become enthralled with her. Kane smiled inwardly guesstimating she was at least five seven in height and judging from the tasteful, but form fitting short-sleeved black and white jumpsuit she sported, she was easily a size five, her waist being the tiniest part of her shapely figure. Kane’s eyes traveled back to her face, resting on her light grey eyes that had him mesmerized. He definitely appreciated the baby fine light brown ringlets that framed her oval shaped face so well. This woman was a goddess, he decided, as he wrapped up his blatant survey of her appearance. Normally he wouldn't have been so bold, but Tyler Milan was

definitely not a woman a man could ignore and he was no exception. He also couldn't deny feeling a positive attraction to her, to which, a certain part of his anatomy also took notice of. Perri chuckled, “So, umm, Kane?” With visible hesitation, Kane turned his gaze to Perri. She had to laugh out loud. “What are you doing here, anyway?” She smiled as Barrington swaying her back and forth in his arms. Man, was she ready to get this man home and into . . . “I'm here for B,” Kane stated. Looking at his cousin, he said, “Guess he didn't tell you, huh?” “I was going to but never got around to it. I wanted to be sure Toby would go for the idea first, baby.” “Idea?” He must have seen the confusion on Perri’s face because he rushed to explain. “I asked Kane to finish out my tour for me so I can be home with you and Imani.” Her heart skipped a beat, touched by his gesture, Perri smiled. “You did?” She was definitely ready to get back home to her man tonight and show him how appreciative she was. Reading the look of pure desire of fire in her chocolate brown eyes, Barrington smiled, kissing her lips ever so softly. “I did.” Then he whispered for her ears only, “It won't be long, sweet Perri. Just hold on for Daddy a little while longer.” Feeling her core flood with cream, Perri, slightly

nodded. Kane cleared his throat for the second time. “You know, you two could always head upstairs for a little afternoon delight because I could swear I smell hormones all up in the air.” Everyone laughed, but Kane was taken by Tyler's laugh; it was distinct and he was sure from here on out he’d be able to pick it out in any crowd simply because now he was enchanted by it. “So, baby, where's Imani?” Before Barrington could answer, Perri's cell phone rang. Looking at the screen, she said, “I have to take this y'all.” “Do your thing, baby.” Barrington kissed the side of her neck and released her. Feeling it may take a while, Perri crossed over to the other side of the room for privacy. “So, Kane, you ready to hit the studio?” “Whenever you are, man,” he answered Barrington while openly gazing at Tyler. “Guys, I'm sorry,” Perri joined them. “I have to leave now; that was a buyer from New York inquiring about the Imani Collection. Says he wants to pre-order the entire line,” she squealed and did a victory dance and laughed when Barrington picked her up swinging her around. “That's great, baby.” Barrington congratulated his wife

with a sensuous kiss. “Thank you.” She returned his kiss with a passionate one of her own. “It is great, Perri,” Tyler was saying, “I'm proud of you, sis.” “Thanks, Tyler.” “Yeah, Perri, congrats,” Kane said and hugged her. Then his gaze automatically fell back to Tyler. The woman was absolutely enchanting. “Shoot,” Perri complained. “I'm not gonna get to see my baby before I go.” “Don't worry, baby. You'll see her shortly.” Looking up at her husband, Perri inquired, “How's that gonna work out with you and Kane having to go to the studio?” “Don't worry, Perri. I'll take Imani with me and just bring her home later,” Tyler happily volunteered more than ready to focus on someone other than the gorgeous Mr. Kane Devoe. “You don't mind?” “Don't be silly, Perri. Of course I don't mind spending time with my niece.” Perri smiled and hugged her sister. “Thanks. Don't know what I'd do without you.” She turned to Barrington. “I'll see you tonight, G-Man.” She winked at him. “I'll walk you out, baby.” He caught hold of her waist, ushering her outside.

“What do you think about those two?” Perri gestured with a nod. “For the first time ever Kane is totally immersed in a woman.” “He's not alone; Tyler can barely stop gawking at him.” They laughed. “I give it two days before Kane moves in for the kill.” Playfully bumping him with her rump, Perri said, “Hey, that's my sister. And I don't mind so long as Kane doesn't treat her like road kill.” She laughed, lacing her fingers in between her husband's hand. “I think you're right though. It won't be long before those two are spending time together. He's gonna have to be careful, though, because Tyler doesn't trust men too easily.” “Must run in the Milan women gene pool,” Barrington teased. “Probably true,” Perri mused, she knew he expected her to deny it. “Kane’s a good man, baby. He'll be very good to Tyler. So that's one less concern for you.” He stopped abruptly and turned to stare down at his wife. “Now, you, Mrs. Knight, can concentrate on just how many ways you want me to do you tonight.” Perri laughed, feeling herself cream again just from the anticipation. “Stop that now, G-Man. Besides, I already know exactly how I'm gonna love you down.” “Care to give me an example?” “Only if you're going to reciprocate,” she said

seductively. “Got time to take to the backseat of your car with me?” She chuckled. “That's very tempting. But, umm, no, I gotta go for real.” Barrington slightly opened the top of her blouse, leaned down and lightly blew between her breastbone. He laughed when she trembled from pleasure. “There's more where that came from and you're gonna get it all tonight,” he promised, sealing it with a kiss. Then without warning he swooped her up in his arms, carrying her the rest of the way to her car. “The sooner you get going, the sooner we can get our late night delight started up.” He kissed her cheek, wanting to do so much more to his beautiful wife and her delectable body. Barrington grew harder just thinking about it. “Damn, baby, tonight can't come soon enough. I'm gonna have to go take care of myself,” he teased. They laughed. “Oh, no you don't, Barrington.” Perri rubbed his chest, knowing how much he loved it. “You go take a cold shower for now and tonight I'll take care of you real good, G-Man.” She promised, licking his bottom lip before playfully biting it, then soothing it with her tongue. “I want you so bad, Barry,” she whispered. Barrington grinned and winked. “We just one step away from your backseat; I'm telling you, baby, we can catch a quickie right now?” he offered, hoping she'd give in. “Okay,” he said when she shook her head at him, “then we'll both be equally love starved by the time we come together tonight.”

Placing her feet back on the ground, he announced, “Here we are, baby.” Once she was secured in her seatbelt, Barrington leaned in and kissed his wife, letting his tongue tease her with movements that promised of what was to come when they met later at home. He broke the heated kiss. “I better let you go, baby, before I hurt myself trying to keep it together.” Perri couldn't help laughing. “You wanna hit me, Barry?” “Girl, quit teasing me. I'm about to make love to you right here and now.” “So you say.” She took her time sliding her hand down his chest and stomach, in between his thighs and groped his engorged manhood, which sure enough, was ready to push through his jeans. Barrington groaned from pleasurable pain. His eyes darted to her backseat. “I can show now, baby. I swear I can.” “Promises, promises,” she teased with a flirtatious wink. “That's all right, I keep my promises, woman.” Perri had to admit that was true. She could only think of one exception, but wisely refused to go back there. It was the past and history wasn't going to repeat itself; she felt sure she could trust Barrington completely this time around. “Baby, thank you for what you did, taking time from touring to be home with us.” “No worries, baby girl. You're my world, and Imani and

you will always come first with me. Always, sweet Perri,” he kissed her palm, tonguing it before saying softly, “I'll pick up right there, tonight. I love you, baby.” Perri smiled. “I love you more, baby boy.” Kissing her one last time, Barrington said, “Go on, baby. Be careful. See you later.” He watched her pull out of his driveway and continued to watch her until she was out of sight. On the way back to the house, he noticed Nia's car was gone. That was odd, he thought, pulling out his cell to call her. It rang five times before going to her voice mail. He left a message that Perri's sister was here waiting to take Imani home, so she should get here ASAP. Satisfied, Barrington flipped his phone shut and headed inside to let Tyler know what was up.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE Perri was so tired after leaving her boutique she didn't know what to do. Then she thought about the lovemaking her husband had promised her and instantly she was renewed. She smiled and sang the rest of the way home. Perri slowed her roll, as she got closer to their neighborhood. Noticing the crowd, and especially the police cars that lined the road, her heart sped up. She was flagged down to stop by a police officer. “Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I can't let you past this marking.” “I live there in that house.” She pointed just behind him. “Sorry, ma'am, but I'm gonna need to see some ID.” Perri was already handing it to him as dread filled her lungs. “What's going on here, officer?” She blinked back the tears that all of a sudden filled her eyes. Satisfied, the officer returned her ID. “Ma'am, go on through. I'll let you speak with my chief; he's posted outside your house as we speak.” “Why can't you just tell me?” “I'm not at liberty to say, ma'am. But if you just—” Cutting the engine, Perri didn't wait for him to finish. Instead, she jumped out of the car and cut through her grass and sprinted to their house. Still dazed after hearing what Chief Morris had just informed her of, Perri was surprised she was still able to stand on her own two feet. Her nerves were a mess and her

stomach was a mass of jelly. She came in through the back door so she wasn't surprised that no one heard her enter the living room. Ignoring everyone else in the room, Perri kept her gaze glued to her husband, arresting him with cold eyes. “Is it true?” “Perri—” “Is it true?” She demanded a little louder, “Is it true, yes or no?” Exhaling deeply, Barrington nodded in reply this time. Lowering her gaze to the floor she saw pure fire and ice and she was about two seconds from raining down brimstone. “You see,” Perri said to the floor. “Do you finally see?” She screamed at Barrington. “I knew it was a mistake to let you back into my life! This—” she had to stop herself from choking on her own spit, took a deep breath, and accused, “This is your fault. One of your lunatic obsessed fans stole my baby!” “She’s not a fan, she’s my housekeeper,” he said in his defense. “Who happens to be certifiable, Barrington,” Perri said, shaking her head. “Is it supposed to make me feel better that you thought she was someone you could and did trust to leave my child alone with when you knew I didn’t trust the woman? Was your so-called housekeeper really worth betraying your wife for?” Barrington tossed her an agitated glare. “Look, Perri, I had no idea Nia was capable of something like this. Hell, if

I'd . . . I didn’t even know she had a crush on me until we went upstairs and I saw the shrine she’d made of me in her bedroom.” He searched her eyes for compassion. “I’m just as surprised and upset about this as you are, Perri, and, like you, all I want is Imani’s safe return.” He stretched his hand toward her. “You have to believe that, baby.” Slapping his hand away, Perri remarked hotly, “I don’t have to believe a damn word that comes out of your mouth. And from this day forward, I won’t.” Barrington couldn’t hide the hurt in his eyes or the dejection in his voice, “I didn’t know,” he said to no one in particular. “If I’d only known but I swear, I didn’t know.” “If you’d only known?” she repeated his theme phrase. “Now, that seems to be the story of your life, doesn’t it?” “Perri—” “Just shut up, Barrington, I don’t wanna hear anything else you have to say. Right now, I’m having trouble even looking at you, let alone occupying the same stinking space with you. You don’t talk to me. Just leave me alone!” “That’s enough, Perri,” Mattie’s strong and firm voice came across the otherwise silent, but tension thick filled room, loud and clear. “It’s all right, Ms. Mattie—” “No it’s not,” Mattie insisted. “Imani is your daughter, too; you love her just as much as my granddaughter.” She turned her attention to Perri. “And she knows you’d never intentionally put her life or her well-being in danger. Don’t you, Sugarplum?”

“It doesn’t matter what his so-called good intentions were, because almost doesn’t count! His intentions may have started off pure. But almost won’t bring my daughter back to me. He may have intended to protect her with his life. But that doesn’t change the fact that some overly obsessed woman walked out of his house with my baby in tow . . .” her voice broke. Mattie had tears in her eyes when she spoke this time, “Sugarplum, I know you’re hurting. But you’re not the only one who’s feeling this loss. Stop being selfish and look around you, Perri. There’s a room full of people with hearts overflowing with love for Imani. You’re her mother, Perri, but does that mean the rest of us aren’t supposed to feel pain just because you gave birth to her? I know that’s not what you think, Sugarplum, because in my heart, I know you know better than that. Everyone who loves Imani took a hard hit today. And it hit Barrington every bit as much as you. Baby . . . he’s got feelings, too.” “I don’t give two shakes of a rat’s butt what he’s feeling. My child is missing; I don’t care nothing about his feelings right now.” Perri sobbed, feeling the little composure she had snap. “I’m sick of everyone always taking his side against me. He just joined the family. I’ve always been here playing my role in this family. When Barrington walked out on me I felt like crawling in a hole somewhere and just dying, but I didn’t skip town never to be heard from again; I stayed right here and I have stuck by this family through thick and thin. And now when my thin needs to grow thick

skin all of you wanna take up lobbying for Barrington’s cause. And it hurts to know that my blood family would take his side over mine.” “Baby, I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say no one in here is taking sides. It's not a contest, and it’s not about you by yourself, Perri,” Mattie tried to explain. “Madear, my baby’s gone! I don’t know where she is! His feelings won’t bring her home to me. I can’t bring her home to us. I don’t know where she is.” Perri slid to the floor rocking back and forth. “Oh God, oh God . . . I can smell her scent . . . I can still feel her nursing at my breast, where she's supposed to be able to rest. I want my baby and I don’t know where she is . . . .” Struggling for air, into a puddle of tears, she dissolved and each sniff hurt the hollow of her throat. Perri felt the pain and loss of her daughter in her soul. Everyone in the room reacted simultaneously. “Sugarplum . . .” Mattie went toward her. “Perri . . .” Tyler went toward her. “Oh, honey . . .” Hunter went toward her. However, it was Barrington who reached her first, gathering her helpless and limp body in his arms and bringing her to his chest where she clung to him for dear life and cried uncontrollably as she tried to empty her soul of all the raw pain. Not one person in that room had ever heard a cry like that, as if it were being ripped from another human being’s body, heart, mind, soul and spirit. Barrington knew he'd die for this woman in his arms; he

prayed she knew it, too. “Baby, I’m sorry. I promise you we’re gonna find our baby, Perri . . . .” Barrington’s voice broke and he gave way to his flood of tears as he and Perri cried together, feeling the same hurt, sharing the same loss, going through the same pain. *** For days, Perri just laid there in the bed, staring at the wall. One day, she finally picked up her Bible and opened it at random. Reading the story of Bathsheba and David and the baby they lost, she saw herself in that plot, and without hesitation, silently wept for every bit of pain and heartache she was feeling and had been feeling since she learned of Imani's kidnapping. “Father God,” she prayed or maybe it was more like she questioned, she was not sure which. “How did it get to this? Is it something I did . . . didn't do? What, Lord? Because I just don't understand the reasons behind this dilemma, or what exactly it means other than my baby's gone, seemingly without a trace—at least not one that can be traced.” She inhaled a deep breath and exhaled just as deeply. “Lord God, if it had to be, if it had to come down to a choice, why couldn't it be Barrington missing?” Perri was immediately sorry she'd thought such a thing, even before she felt the chastisement of the Lord. Her eyes widened when she looked up seeing Barrington standing in the

doorway of their bedroom. She knew he'd heard her, the look in his beautiful eyes, she couldn't describe—no words had yet been invented. Barrington staggered like a drunk until his back was against the wall simply for support. Had he just heard his wife right? Did she just tell God, the Heavenly Father that she wished it'd been him missing instead of Imani? Surely he'd heard wrong. Even as this last question dashed across his mind, Barrington knew he'd indeed heard his wife correctly, and it took something out of him that he knew he needed to survive. Yet here Perri was ripping his soul out and burying it beneath the rubble of his broken heart. Didn't she know she was his life? Why didn't she know he'd have given up his own life in a red-hot second to save the lives of both his wife and child? She was his wife, and Perri was supposed to know how far he'd go to protect his family. But she apparently did not know. Why? Why didn't she know he'd more than go the distance with and for her, for them? Ashamed, Perri couldn't say anything, nor could she lower her gaze. It was like God was giving her no choice but to watch the hurt and pain she was causing the man He'd graciously bestowed upon her. Perri probably hurt more now than when she'd found out about her daughter's disappearance. Unable to stomach looking at his wife now, Barrington turned and left the house altogether.

*** “So, where you headed?” Kane asked his cousin point blank. “Don't know. I'm thinking I'll just get in the Escalade, pick a direction and drive 'till I end up someplace where I don't feel no more pain,” Barrington said, though he wouldn't tell even if he did know of such a place. Not because he didn't trust his cousin; he did. But he knew Kane well enough to know he'd make it his mission to let Perri know his whereabouts and Barrington wasn't ready to deal with anymore heartache from his wife right now. Still, knowing how Kane felt about family, he just offered, “I need to get as far from this place as I can, man.” “No, man,” Kane disagreed. “What you need to do is get back home and take care of your wife, because she still is, you know.” “Kane,” Barrington shook his head, traces of sadness appearing in his eyes, “my wife doesn't want me around right now. I need to respect that, at least for the moment.” “Your wife is hurting, so really, she can't judge soundly right now. You're her covering, B, so protect her from herself.” He shrugged. “Take it for what it's worth, man. But know and understand this: If you don't take care of home, cousin, someone else will.” “The hell you say!” Barrington scooped up his keys. Just the thought of another man trying to move in on his wife set his teeth on edge. “I'm out, Kane.”

Crush, who'd been standing in the doorway, laughed out loud when his brother was gone. “I gotta hand it to you, man. You know how to get next to Barrington's soft spot.” He laughed again. “Now how you think God feel about you playing the master puppeteer and pulling my brother's strings?” Kane grinned. “I'm not trying play God, if that's what you insinuating; all I did was bring to B's attention what he already knew in his heart to be true.” Crush shrugged, knowing his cousin would never admit he overstepped his boundaries, “If you say so.” He laughed again. Kane sighed tiredly. “Let's just hope and pray it worked, Crush.” *** Sometime later, Barrington had returned from wherever it was he'd gone to get away from his wife and the constant hostility, not to mention tense silence that lingered between them. It used to be she only resented him. Now, he wasn't so sure he liked her much right now either. He decided to sleep on the couch tonight, maybe Imani's room. No. Rebuking that last thought, he decided the couch was best . . . just in case Perri wandered into their daughter's room. Not that Barrington minded, but judging from Perri's earlier prayer or statement or whatever it is you wanna call it, the last thing he wanted was to make either one of them

uncomfortable. After making his decision, he immediately executed it, grabbing his pillow and his Bible—he knew he was going to have to do some heavy repenting followed by reading to drift off to sleep on this here particular night. As Barrington lifted his Bible from the night stand, something strange happened causing him to feel even stranger, at the same time, commanding him to be still and take notice. Barrington was taken way back to when he was a teenager, fishing on the pier with his grandpa. Actually, it was a conversation that took place between the two buddies, as they'd called themselves.

“Barrington, son, women are some very finicky creatures. Sometimes you'll be dammed if you do and she'll cuss you if you don't. But inevitably, there almost always comes a time when the two of you are going through something that's emotional, mental, and spiritual, that separates the two of you physically—and you can even be in the same house when something happens to divide you and your spouse. Now it's always the devil at work, of course, behind the scenes, pulling the strings. But you don't have to continue being his puppet when you recognize his cunning, crafty work. “Sometimes things between you and your woman will be so bad that any more words will hurt, since you don't really know what to say, and any more actions will diminish a good thing, since you don't have a clue what to do.” Barrington recalled listening intently at this point, wanting to ask questions, but too afraid it would distract his

grandpa, causing him to leave out something very important. So instead, Barrington just listened. “After you've done all you can to fix things between you and your woman,” his grandpa continued, “you just have to take a firm and faith-filled stand. They'll be nothing left to say and nothing left to do, but somehow it'll be dropped in your spirit to do one more thing completely out of the ordinary for you most times. “But at that point, you just know that you know that sometimes a man just has to hold his woman. Period. It's just that simple and yet it so very profound that most men don't get it until it's entirely too late to remedy the situation. But holding your woman is the security key to make her feel safe enough to open herself up to you completely, pouring out her heart and emptying her soul in your hands. It'll take holding her for no other reason than just because you know there's nothing else left to do. Words will be too much and silence will be too loud. The pain will be so great you both feel the other's hurt inside as if it were your own, which by the way, it will be. “Only through holding her will you both get your needed release because it starts the healing process that leads to breakthrough for both of you. Yes sir, Barrington, at a crucial moment in time such as that, son, you just take up the responsibility of holding your woman. And through that one action alone, you will be communicating with your wife on a level that only she'll understand. Don't be in a hurry, take your time, and purposely wrap your

woman up in the cocoon of your arms. Allow the embrace to say all you can't say because you don't know how to form the words, and do all the things you'd like to, but don't have a clue exist. Holding your woman without cause and without charge will be the security blanket that causes her to give herself to you—naked and not ashamed, for only the two of you and God Almighty to see.” Finding himself standing in their bedroom, abruptly, Barrington stopped all movement, and looked down at his wife teetering on the edge of their bed. He climbed into the bed, gently pulled Perri to him and held her close to his chest, allowing her to feel how strong and steady his heart beat for her. Though she meant to fight it, Perri's composure broke instantly causing her to come undone at the seams, letting out a cry filled with anguish. She cried until there were no more tears left and Barrington just held her patiently in the silence filling the space of their bedroom. Finally able to face her husband, Perri turned to look at him. Brushing the tears from his eyes with the back of her hand, she tenderly kissed each of his eyelids closed. Her liver quivered, her body shivered and Perri found herself kissing him fast, hard, insistent, and powerfully. Igniting or rather, renewing a fire within him, they began a savage quest of mating, with Perri being the aggressor. At that moment Perri couldn't think; didn't want to. She couldn't feel, but she wanted to. Perri needed her husband

like never before, but she didn't know how to ask him for him. She prayed she could show him, that he'd understand she was glad he was her man. She needed to make him know she didn't mean what she said before; she didn't want to be without him, didn't want him to leave her. Perri wanted him to know she needed to be here with him all alone. She had to be with him, have him make her feel like a real woman again. That could only happen with her husband; she wanted, needed, and wouldn't be able to rest well without Barrington lying right there next to her, holding her together at the invisible seams. Suddenly, Perri knew what she had to do. She made love to her man like a savage slave from a runaway land. It was like her body freed itself from herself and all she could do was watch herself as she did her thing, making sure her husband got him, but also for the first time, seeing to it that she got her—not with Barrington's help like always, but on her own accord. Loving her husband heart, soul, and body, that night, Perri mated with him like a savage beast in heat. It was raw; it was intense, and it was rough. Her hands were all over him, gripping his chest, her fingernails scraping his chest, grazing his nipples and flicking them with her nails while she squeezed his Pecs. Hearing him moan from pleasure spawned her on the more. Her mouth found his, she devoured it. “Perri . . . Perri, no, baby, wait . . .” She swallowed his words, breathing in his breath. Anchoring her hold on him, she did things to his mouth,

neck, and throat that pulled, demanded, insisted on a groan from him. Barrington's heart began to beat so hard he thought it would push out of his chest. He'd never seen this side of Perri before, didn't know it even existed. Sure, they'd had intense lovemaking sessions between them before, but this . . . this was different. He knew this time it was his wife who sought to brand him, claim him, leave her mark on him, push him to the point of no return unless he took her with him. Barrington struggled to be gentle, but Perri was busy making sure he got his release, only he didn't want to go before her. However, no matter what he did in an effort to help her slow her roll, it was met with resistance and pure urgency on Perri's part. Before Barrington had time to recover from one of her quests, she was climbing on him again, like she couldn't get close enough to him. He could hardly contain himself when he felt her legs wrap around him, drawing him closer to her warm, wet, tight core, inviting him to discover every hidden secret and uncover every buried treasure still left dormant within her. He was trying to slow her down so they could take their time, but he couldn't, she wasn't having it. For the first time in his life, Barrington knew what it was to be hunted by a woman who only had eyes and desire for him. So instead of trying to join the struggle in an attempt to take over, he signed on as her co-captain, letting her take charge and call the shots as to where they'd go. He had never experienced anything like this in his life and he wasn't

going to assume he ever would again. Deciding to treat this moment like it was the last time he’d ever experience it, Barrington gave himself completely over to Perri and allowed his wife to have her way with him. Whatever she wanted, he would willingly give. Perri covered Barrington's mouth with hungry kisses, nipped at every visible place of skin, his throat . . . his jaw . . . his chin . . . his neck . . . his ears. “Barry . . .” She straddled him, flicked his Pecs, teased his nipples, leaned over and tongued them. “Perri . . .” With her mouth and the aid of her tongue she branded Barrington's chest, then she massaged him to no avail. Only when he begged for mercy did she stop and move on with her urgent quest of his body, though she knew he was close to falling over the edge right now. “No, Perri,” he pulled out, “not until I make sure you get you, baby.” Barrington flipped the script on her changing it up, shifting their positions. Placing her legs on either side of him, he cupped her bottom and gently entered her, slowing down the pace that had quickly accelerated out of control. But he was careful to make sure he still allowed Perri to control the tempo and he just followed her rhythm. He thought the bottom would fall out of his stomach when she suddenly picked up the pace again, but he went with it, matching her stroke for stroke, thrust for thrust, pant for pant, his pleasure at her climax, victory for victory and, they both partook of and shared together in their physical

intimacy which led to emotional, mental, and spiritual healing for each of them. Perri was exhilarated inside and tears of joy sprang from her eyes. Feeling wetness on his bare chest, Barrington said, “Perri, what is it, baby?” Perri slowly raised her head, met and held his concerned gaze. His heart constricted in his chest. “You're crying. Baby, what's wrong?” He was afraid he'd hurt her again, done more damage than good. Could his grandfather have been wrong? Looking in his beautiful yellow-green eyes, knowing there was no way she could ever put into words what she was now feeling, more tears spilled from her eyes. How could she tell this man the love he gave her was so good that with each thrust he breathed life back into her and it seeped through her veins, lodged in her chest, and healed her heart? And, now, he held her heart in his hands . . . healed, whole and free. The fact of the matter was Perri couldn't. There were no words adequate enough to tell him how she felt. She could show him better than she could tell him and she only knew of one way to show him. She whispered in his ear, “I want you. I need to make love to you, baby . . . .” Afterward, they lay spent yet content in each other's arms, falling asleep to the beat of the other's heart. They were all that mattered and both of them knew, even without

hearing the words, the other was loved unconditionally.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX Perri had another nightmare and woke up screaming and crying as she frantically called out Imani's name. Barrington jumped up, startled, and woke his wife up, and as always since she'd been having the same reoccurring hellish nightmare, she fought him tooth and nail until she came fully awake, realizing she was home with him and safe. Pulling Perri into his lap, Barrington held her until she calmed down. “Was it the same dream?” he asked, knowing it was. Perri nodded. “It was so awful, Barrington.” She dissolved into tears again. When able to speak audibly again, she said, “Imani needs me; she needs me now and I can't get to her because I don't know where she is.” She shook her head. “I don't know where my child is,” she said to no one in particular. She snuggled closer to her husband's chest and cried some more. “Baby, tell me again what you see in this dream.” She shrugged. “I don't know how else to explain it to you, Barrington. All I know is I'm in what appears to be a museum or something. I mean, it's not exactly like a museum; it's more like a maze of some sorts. And I'm going around and around in circles, searching for Imani, following the sound of her voice as she's calling out, 'Mommy', only I know she can't talk. So really, none of it makes sense. But it's driving me insane that I can't figure

out the right door to enter into and it's like I hear wicked laughter taunting and jeering at me every time I get it wrong.” Perri involuntarily shuddered, just thinking about it. “We're going to find her, Perri.” She nodded. “I promise, baby, we're going to find our daughter, because you're right. She does need you; she always will.” Perri nodded, holding back the fears that always caused more tears. She winced, feeling a stabbing pain in her breasts. “What is it, baby?” Jumping from the bed, she announced, “I'll be back,” and quickly headed for the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, Perri still hadn't returned to their bed and Barrington got worried, going to see what the holdup was. He lightly knocked on the bathroom door, stood back and waited. When Perri didn't answer; placing both palms on the door frame pressing an ear to it, he called out to her. When she still hadn't said a word, Barrington slowly opened the door and poked his head inside. His heart froze on the spot. Perri was doubled over rocking back and forth like she was in pain. It only took two long strides for him to reach his wife and he knelt down in front of her. “Perri, what is it, baby? Are you in pain?” She sobbed in reply. Barrington lightly rubbed her back. “Is it your stomach?” She shook her head.

“You got a migraine?” She sniffled and shook her head. Carefully lifting her head to meet his gaze, he went to speak but stopped when he saw how contorted her face was from pure pain. “What's hurting you, Perri?” he asked softly. “My breasts,” she said on a sob. “They're engorged and it hurts so badly. I need Imani, Barrington. I need to feed her; s-she needs t-to eat. And I need t-to let d-down.” She heaved and sobbed. “Do you want me to get you the breast pump?” “No.” She shook her head. “I only want my baby girl to nurse like it’s supposed to be.” Barrington pulled her close to his chest but not so tight that her sensitive breasts would pain her more. “Let me help you, Perri.” “You can't,” she wailed, and started coughing from the ongoing sobs. Barrington patted her back. “You need to calm down, baby. This is not helping you or Imani.” He must have seen the confusion in her eyes because he said, “If you get sick you can't take care of her when we bring her home.” “But it hurts so badly, Barrington. God . . . it hurts . . . so bad.” “Hold on, baby.” He rose, went to the sink after grabbing a hand towel, and soaked it in hot water. Kneeling before his wife, Barrington applied the towel to her breasts.

He wanted to kick himself when she winced in pain. “Feel better?” “No. If anything it hurts more,” Perri managed to say without sobbing. Barrington thought for a moment. Only one thing came to mind, but he knew Perri would have a hissy fit. He heard her cry out in pain again, hugging her chest harder and it didn't even matter anymore if she got mad. He was going to do what he felt needed to be done because he could not take seeing his wife in so much pain and him not be able to help her. Focused on nothing but the stabbing pain in her breasts, Perri didn't realize Barrington had removed her arms from her chest. But she sure did know it when she felt his mouth on her right breast. Shocked, she shouted, “What are you doing?” “Helping you,” he answered. Perri watched in horror as his mouth enveloped her nipple again. “That's Imani's milk,” she snapped, and wanted to push his head away, but she couldn't. Her comment gave Barrington pause. He looked up at her for several seconds, then said, “Do you want relief or not?” “Yes. But—” “Then shut up and let me help you,” he ordered, immediately going back to the task of helping her the only way he knew how. It surprised the hell out of him that Perri actually didn't say another word as he continued to suckle

the sweet milk from her right breast, and then from its twin left breast. He figured she was probably contemplating how many different ways she was going to make him suffer later. He didn't care; he just wanted her well. Satisfied his job was done, Barrington gazed up at his wife, witnessing a sparkle in her chocolate brown eyes. He was about to ask about it, but heard her speak. “Don't stop.” Watching her eyes glaze over with a lovemaking calling card, he asked, “You sure?” At the same time she nodded, she said, “I want you, Barry. Now.” Though he was already half aroused, he became fully hard hearing her words. Sure the steamy look in his eyes matched the glazed one in hers, but still allowing her ample time to change her mind, Barrington waited for Perri to make the first move. But when she impatiently pulled his head back to her right breast, he laved the tip, her cries fueling him more. He repeatedly suckled the hard peak with the heat of his tongue, no intention of stopping, even when she begged him for mercy. Instead, Barrington regarded her other breast with the same time, attention, nurture and love as he had its plump twin. It was only when she shouted his name around an orgasm that he stopped, watching her as she gave herself over to her release. He loved her more than he thought, as he eased her on the floor and made slow, sensual love to his wife until she cried out his name, and he hers when they simultaneously reached the state of

blissful orgasm. When Perri finally recovered, he asked, “You okay, baby?” He chuckled. Perri smiled like the satisfied woman she was. “I'm happy,” she laughed. “You made me a very happy wife, baby boy.” “Bet you not as much as my happy meal made me.” He gently cupped her breasts. “It was nice babysitting my twins for a little while.” He lightly squeezed her nipples. “And it was nice as hell nursing them again.” He kissed each one. “Thank you.” Perri smiled up at her husband. “For what, baby girl?” He was going to make her say it. Perri wasn't going to put up a fight if that's what he expected, “For helping me.” Reaching out her right hand, she lightly kneaded the back of her hand against his soft cheek. “My breasts don't hurt anymore.” She shrugged. “Thank you.” Barrington smiled affectionately at her. “You're very welcome, sweet Perri. Hold tight, baby.” He rose, got another hand towel soaking it with warm water and knelt to clean the sticky evidence of their lovemaking from Perri's inner thighs, lastly gently wiping her still wet core. Helping her to a sitting position, he kissed her forehead, noticing the creases and asked, “What are you thinking?” “I wonder what Imani's eating. I don't want her on that nasty formula.” The comment gave them both pause and made them think.

“Nia will make sure Imani eats. She knows what it's like to grow up hungry. I'm not taking up for her,” he said, feeling Perri tense up. “She'll feed her well, baby.” “She doesn't know what kind of formula to give her,” Perri snapped. “They're dozens of brands, Barrington. How's she supposed to choose the right one? I don't even know what kind she'd need since she's never had to be on it. And if that's not bad enough, unfortunately, there are some markets and stores that keep and sell outdated baby formula and medicines. Now that's just abuse.” Perri waved her right hand. “Before you try to dispute it, I have seen it on the shelves for myself. So what if Nia gets a hold of one of those? She doesn't have any kids; she may not even know she's supposed to look at the dates. She could unintentionally give or feed our daughter something that's very harmful. What then, huh? She kidnapped our child. Is she gonna have enough sense to put herself aside and get our baby medical attention before it's too late?” Perri paused, her chocolate brown eyes held a fiery contempt. “So, no, Barrington, I'm not gonna stock my trust in a woman who's completely certifiable, okay.” Having listened to all her arguments, though justifiable, at this point they were still unwarranted and Barrington knew Perri wouldn't like what he had to say, but told her the truth anyway. “The important thing is that she eats, baby. She was quiet for a long time, thinking, as her eyes filled with tears. “I know,” she whispered, closing her eyes to ward off the pain.

They were silent for several more minutes. Then Perri said, “I just keep thinking about those billboards. You know the ones that say '1 in 5 kids are exploited online'?” “Don't, Perri.” He pressed an index finger to her lips. “Nia's sanity is in question, but she's not a pervert.” Perri kissed his finger and that caused his own emotions to erupt. “I could kill her for what she did to us, baby.” Knowing the feeling, Perri agreed, “Me too. But it won't help us get our baby back, will it?” “We are gonna get Imani back though,” he assured her. “Chief Morris said the first twenty four hours a child goes missing are the most critical.” She studied his eyes for reassuring answers—answers she knew he couldn't provide simply because there were no guarantees. “I don't feel like she's dead, Barrington.” “Because she's not, baby, and, please don't say that again.” Barrington didn't believe in striking any woman, but if Nia hurt his little girl in any way . . . . “You're right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.” “Don't you apologize, sweet Perri; just keep the faith. We both have to.” She nodded, tears welling up in her eyes and once more the ache of missing her daughter set in. Perri thought it funny how life goes around. All the wasted time she spent lashing out at Barrington, thinking he was going to be the one to take her daughter away from her, when all the time, it

was that crazy Nia who dared to do something so cruel. “This is my fault.” Perri burst into tears. Hugging her, Barrington said, “No, baby. It's not. You couldn't have seen this coming; none of us could. If anything, I should've just trusted your instincts about Nia and this wouldn't be happing. Don't you dare place blame on yourself because Lord knows there's enough to go around.” Perri pulled back, pushing at his chest. “That's just it. Don't you see? I'm reaping what I sowed. What goes around comes around. I hurt you by keeping the truth about Imani from you. Now I'm hurting because of the evil deed I done and again, you're suffering because of me. I'm sorry, Barrington. I mistreated you, and I'm so sorry.” “Stop it.” Barrington embraced her waist and kissed her forehead. “I said it's not your fault, and it's not.” Perri pushed at his chest again. Barrington’s hold became firmer. “And don't even think about shutting me out because it's not gonna work. Forget the past; sweet Perri, I already have. Baby, what we've got to do from this point on is focus our energy on bringing our little girl home.” “I know and you're right. Imani is our main concern. We have to be ready when she comes home.” Hot tears coursed down her cheeks. God, please protect Imani; let Nia be good to her. Perri laid her head between her husband's neck and shoulder blade, inhaling his manly scent in an effort to draw strength from her strong G-Man. Feeling the same pain, with burning tears that matched

hers, Barrington hugged his wife and whispered in her ear how much he loved her over and over again until, resting her head against his chest, she fell asleep. Having drawn much needed strength from Perri, Barrington carried her to the bedroom, tucked her in bed, climbed in beside her, held her to his chest and silently sent up a prayer of thanks for God's endless grace and mercy, ending it by thanking Jesus for Imani's safe and speedy return.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN “Tina? What are you doing here?” Glancing around the neighborhood, Tina said, “May I please come in?” “Sure.” Perri stepped back allowing her entrance. Once inside the living room, she repeated, “What are you doing here? I thought you were gonna hold down the fort for me?” Tina nodded. “I will. I am.” She took a deep breath. “Is your husband here?” “I'm right here, Tina.” Barrington joined them, not liking the vibe he picked up. Perri didn't have a good feeling. “What is it, Tina?” The tears Tina had been trying to hold back gushed forward. Perri went to hug her, which only made Tina cry more. “Barrington, get her some water please,” Perri instructed like a concerned mother. “No, no.” Tina shook her head. “It's okay.” She sniffled. “I just need to tell you guys something and, you're not gonna like me very much once you hear what I have to say.” She took a deep breath and plunged into the whole saga of Nia and the twisted plan she'd plotted against Barrington and Perri from the start. “Why the hell didn't you tell us this before?” Barrington demanded. Perri shook her head at him. He knew it meant to calm

down, so he rolled his eyes going to the patio to stare out at nothing in particular. She wanted to go to him, knowing her husband needed comfort, but she had to get answers first. Still stunned by Tina's revelation, she turned to her. “How long have you known this?” “Since the day before Nia kidnapped your baby.” Tina blinked back tears. “I tried to tell you, Perri. You remember at the office the same night, I was going to tell you about Nia's plan. I swear I was.” She looked at Barrington and then Perri. Disgusted, Barrington arrested her with a hard stare. Perri thought back to the night in question. She remembered Tina saying she needed to talk to her. She also remembered telling her it would have to wait until tomorrow because she just wanted to go home to her family, purposely leaving off the part about her husband waiting for her so they could make love into the early dawn. “You have no idea how much I wish I'd listened.” Tina shook her head. “Perri, this is not your fault.” “You got that right!” Barrington shot at her. Going to stand in front of her husband, Perri encircled his waist. “Please calm down and let her talk, baby.” Barrington nodded but still wore the scowl as he stared at Tina. Now he really wished he hadn't talked Perri into hiring her. Turning back to face her assistant, Perri asked, “Would you be willing to tell the police everything you told us? Please?”

“Of course she's gonna tell them,” Barrington barked. “Aren't you, Tina?” Intimidated, Tina blinked several times before saying, “Yes, of course I will.” “Thank you, Tina. I know this wasn't easy for you to come here today. I respect the fact that you found the courage to do so. I don't hold you accountable for Nia's actions, not when I know for myself the woman is completely certifiable.” Perri squeezed Barrington's hands as they rested upon her belly. “We both thank you, Tina. Don't we, Barrington?” He only nodded, not trusting himself to speak. *** “This is the craziest thing I have ever heard in my life,” Hunter was saying. She looked at Usher who nodded in agreement, taking her hands inside his own to comfort his wife. Both families and friends had gathered at Barrington's mansion to receive the updated news at one time. “Tell me about it,” Tyler said, still dazed from the horror story. Kane kneaded her arms up and down as a gesture of comfort, and she rested her head against his strong chest as tears rolled down her face. Journey was silently crying as Crush held her in his arms, fighting back emotion of his own.

Mattie hugged Tina as she silently wept on her shoulder. Bobby was holding Linda as she cried in his arms. Barrington held Perri, rocking her as she sat between his legs. They were each all cried out for themselves. But seeing the pain their loved ones were in caused them both to cry for them. Mostly, though, they cried for their baby girl. No one knew what to say. How could anyone wrap their brain around such crazy madness? All of them inwardly prayed Imani was safe and would be coming home very soon. “And you say she had your sperm stored at the bank?” Perri couldn't help it, she burst into laughter. Everyone looked at her like she was crazy. “Madear, it's a sperm bank.” Mattie looked at her granddaughter with questioning eyes. She explained to her grandmother exactly what that meant. “Oh.” Mattie chuckled. “Well, that's a relief. I guess. In a way; sort of way,” Mattie said, shaking her head in disgust. “I suppose in a way that's akin to chopping off a man's testicles and keeping them in a jar on top of your fireplace mantle, which depending on how you look at it, is just as bad as what I thought.” “What were you thinking, Madear?” “Honestly, Sugarplum, you don't wanna know.” “Yeah I do, Madear. Tell me. What did you think sperm bank meant?”

Mattie chuckled. “I thought the poor child had done gone to her bank, bought a safety deposit box and hid the sperm inside.” Perri doubled over in laugher. “Never a dull moment with the Milan women,” Barrington who'd been trying to hold his in, laughed out loud. Everyone else joined in the laughter, too. ***

Two Months Later, Athens, Spain Nia held Imani close to her chest until she burped. Raising her in the air, she said, “You are such a beauty, baby girl. You know that?” She smiled when Imani giggled, kicking her legs with glee. “Your little sister will be a beauty just like you. I'm sure of it, because your daddy—God bless him—makes the prettiest babies.” Checking her pamper, Nia said, “I think someone needs changing.” She walked to the changing table, talking as she proceeded to change Imani. “You don't miss that mean old woman a bit, do you, sweetheart? You and I are getting along just fine. Aren't we?” She picked Imani up, kissing her plump cheeks. “There, baby girl, feels a whole lot better, huh?” She laughed. “Besides, with me, you don't have to wear shoes.” Nia tickled Imani's bare feet and

laughed when she giggled. “It has been a fun two months, baby girl. And as much as I don't like your mum, I have to send you back home. Your daddy misses you terribly and I know you miss him just as badly, maybe more. I know I do.” Nia smiled. “I'm sure gonna miss our girlie talks, Miss Imani. You're such a good listener. You're gonna miss me, too, aren't you?” Imani smiled and babbled her gibberish. Nia's eyes filled with tears. “Of course you are. Thank you, baby girl. Because of the past two months I've spent with you, caring for you just like you were my very own, I'll know exactly how to take care of your little sister, who will be joining us in six short months.” Nia patted her protruding belly lovingly. She sat in the rocking chair, placed Imani belly down on her lap and rocked her as she sang her a Spanish lullaby. Nia dreaded the morning light, knowing she'd have to give Imani back to Perri, whom she'd declared her sworn enemy. *** “Baby, ignore it, it's probably just another crank call.” Barrington gently rubbed his wife's protruding belly. Perri stepped away from his touch. “And if it's not, Barrington? What if this call is the real deal?” Raising her head in defiance, she questioned. “Can you live with it if we missed what could be our last and final chance to get our daughter back? Huh?”

Barrington looked at the floor and back to his wife. “I'm just saying, Perri, that we've had a hundred crank calls, supposedly from someone who knew where our daughter was, and none of them—not one, baby, ever panned out. What makes you think this one is any different?” “A feeling.” “And you're willing to risk your life and our unborn baby over a feeling that may or may not have any merit to it?” He shook his head. “That's senseless.” “Barrington?” Perri rubbed her temples. “I'm not gonna fight with you about this, because it's not debatable.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I'm basing my feelings on maternal instinct, baby. And I'm telling you that as Imani's mother as well as the mother of our unborn son—whom I'd do no less for—this is the real thing. I can feel it in my spirit, Barrington. Imani's coming home. Today!” “Perri—” “Enough, Barrington. You can come or you can stay. But I am going to that museum today. You may be willing to chance not ever seeing our daughter again, but I'm her mother, I gave birth to her and she's been with me the longest. So, I'm sorry if you don't like my actions, but I will not take the chance of missing what I know will be the last chance to get my daughter back. I love my baby too much. She needs me and I'm going to her. Right now.” Scooping up her keys with a shaky hand, Perri headed for the door. Barrington was quicker and headed her off, standing in front of the door.

She pushed at his chest as hard as she could. “Get out of my way!” “You're shaking like a leaf. Do you honestly think I'm going to let you take the wheel?” He pulled a struggling Perri into his arms, holding her tight. “Our daughter needs both of us, baby.” Barrington coaxed the keys from her trembling hand. “I'll drive.” Perri hugged him for dear life. “Thank you. It wouldn't be a real family reunion without you. God, baby, I could never be at peace if I had to do this without you.” Barrington kissed his wife deeply. “You'll never have to find out.” *** Pulling into the first parking space, Barrington shut off the engine. “Baby, are you sure this is the place?” He slowly asked, looking around at what appeared to be a deserted building. “Maybe you just misunderstood.” “No, Barrington, I did not misunderstand anything. This is the place.” Perri nodded. “I'm sure of it. The caller said the old Starlight Museum.” She pointed to the sign. “This is the old Starlight Museum.” Taking her hand, he ordered, “Stay close to me. You hear?” Perri nodded, squeezing his hand for a little courage of her own. Stopping just in front of the main entrance, Barrington

said, “I mean it, Perri. No matter what happens in here, you don't leave my side for one second. Do you understand me?” He fingered her lips. “And let me do all the talking. Okay, baby?” Swallowing hard, Perri said, “I heard you the first time, Barrington, and I do understand.” She exhaled deeply. “But you understand this; I'm not leaving here without my daughter in my arms. And more than anything, I mean that.” If she's here, Barrington thought, but to his wife he nodded and said, “Let's do this then. Let's go get our baby girl and bring her home to her family and friends.” Both taking a deep breath, exhaling just as deeply, together, Barrington and Perri entered the double doors of the main entrance of the old Starlight Museum. They'd only been open for maybe a good thirty minutes so the place was virtually empty. An attendant greeted them with a smile from behind a high counter. They returned her greeting. Barrington led Perri down the long corridor and they began searching for any sign of their daughter and Nia. “We've walked around this place three times already. I don't understand why we haven't seen or heard anything out of the norm. Where is Imani? Where is Nia? What has she done with my child? Where is she, Barrington? Where is she?” Frustrated, Perri was close to tears. Pulling his wife into his arms, Barrington said, “You need to calm down, baby. It's not gonna do us any good if you get this upset, because when we find Nia, you're just gonna wind up ticking her off. And Lord only knows what

she'll pull next.” He glanced around them trying to detect anything unusual. Angry, suddenly, Perri pushed away from her husband. “God,” she raised her hands in the air, a sign of surrender, “why is this happing?” She shook her head. “Haven't we all suffered enough already? How much more, Lord?” Trying to calm his wife, Barrington reached for her. She stepped back like he was a hot poker. “Don't touch me. I need answers, Barrington. I need my baby!” she shouted, paying no attention as the onlookers stared. Pulling her to his chest in spite of her struggling, Barrington firmly stated, “That's enough, Perri.” She stopped warring against him. “We're on the same side, baby. Let's not forget that, because you need to remember it. Okay?” He paused in thought. “Let's just go look around one more time,” he suggested. “Obviously we're missing something here.” She huffed. “You really believe that?” “You got a better theory?” he shot back at her. “And keep your voice down.” “Oh, please. What I've got are eyes and I can see,” she whispered harshly. “Yes, Perri, that's right. You can see. So, baby, maybe you wanna open your eyes to see the truth surrounding us right here.” She raised her head defiantly. “And that would be?” “Perri, you do have eyes and you can see. The point is you only see what Nia wants you to see.” Look around us,

Perri.” He watched her overtly glance around. “We're in some old museum expecting to find our infant daughter. Why? All because you got some crank call—” “It was not a crank call. Stop calling it that! It was real. I know that much.” He gritted his teeth. “Alright, fine; a call from a stranger. Whatever. The fact is you still don't know who it was. And you've still yet to receive proof that anything they said was the truth.” “And that means what, Barrington?” “Perri, sometimes the eyes lie,” he spoke deliberately and slowly. “You got a phone call from God knows who. Whoever told you what you most wanted to hear.; we get here and . . .” “And what, Barrington?” Rubbing his hand down his face, he sighed heavily. “And you see exactly what whoever the caller wanted you to see.” “You're wrong, because I don't see anything.” “Exactly, baby.” “What are you saying, Barrington?” She arrested him with a hostile stare. “And don't you dare tell me my baby's not coming home today.” He refused to back down. “You said it yourself, Perri. We've combed this place three times and not one sign of Imani, have we found.” Barrington's heart lurched when he saw his wife's lip quiver, her eyes shimmering with unshed

tears. “Baby, the police have been on this case for the past two months, and still, they haven't gotten any leads.” Perri sniffled. “No,” she whispered. “Baby? I'm just saying—” “No!” she whispered harshly. “Maybe it's time to—” “Time to what, Barrington? Give up? On our little girl? Our helpless baby?” “Baby, we can always keep hope alive and Imani will always live on in our hearts.” “Stop it,” she ordered. “Stop speaking of her in the past tense!” “Perri, you just listen—” “No, you just listen, Barrington.” She slapped her left hand against her chest. “My daughter is not dead. I'm her mother. Don't you think I would know it? Feel it?” She shook her head. “Those nightmares I've been having. They mean something, Barrington.” “Yes, they mean that you miss your baby terribly. And you want more than anything for her to be returned to you and for you to be able to take her home.” “And what's wrong with that?” she shouted, not caring who stopped to look. “Nothing, Perri, except for when it leads you on a wild goose chase such as now,” he said. Biting her lip to stop it from trembling, she shook her head in denial.

“It's time to go home, Perri.” “No.” “She's not here, baby. It's nothing more we can do; she's not here. Okay? She's not. Imani's not here.” He shook his head. “Baby, she's just not.” Perri sobbed uncontrollably. Barrington hugged her tight. “I was so sure,” she cried. “So sure I felt it, you know.” She clung to him. “I want my baby; I want my baby.” “I know, baby. I know you do, Perri. I want her, too.” He pulled back lifting her chin. “The fact is, though, she's not here, baby. No matter how long we go around this building, she's still not going to be here.” “But—” “Perri, listen. Please?” She sniffled. He touched her protruding belly. “We've still got another helpless baby to consider. We have to look out for this baby every bit as much as we're trying to look out for Imani, because just like Imani, this baby can't fight for itself either. Do you understand what I'm saying, baby?” Perri didn't answer. She couldn't. Her heart was aching and breaking and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Trying to come to terms with reality, she buried her head in her husband's chest and cried until her eyes were dry. Not caring how long it took, Barrington stood right there in the middle of the old museum, consoling his wife in his

arms. Some time much later, Perri said, “I need to go to the bathroom before we go.” She patted her belly. “Nature calls.” Barrington kissed her lips. “I'll walk you and wait outside the door for you.” “Okay.” Perri went inside, relieved herself. She heard the door open and the sound of footsteps. Her mind wondered what she could've been thinking to actually believe yet again that someone knew the whereabouts of her daughter. She wiped herself. The bathroom door opened and closed again. She flushed the toilet. Going to the sink, Perri washed her hands trying not to look at herself, knowing she looked a pure-d mess. She heard the sound of giggling. Or she thought she did. She shook it off, dismissing it as a figment of her imagination. She inhaled deeply. Then she inhaled deeply again. “Imani?” she whispered, as more tears sprang to her eyes. “Stop it, Perri. Barrington's right. It was just a cruel hoax. Imani's not here. She's not.” Perri heard giggling. That familiar scent teased her nostrils once more. Feeling compelled, Perri finally looked into the mirror. Instead of her appearance, her eyes focused on something she saw underneath one of the stalls. She shook her head. “It couldn't be.” She shut her eyes tight. “Perri, you're finally losing it. For real.” She slowly opened her eyes.

She swung around, running to the fourth stall and flung the door open. Perri grabbed her chest. “Oh, God!” she screamed. Barrington, who'd been pacing back and forth, waiting for Perri, was talking to Kane on his cell phone. “No, man, we didn’t find her. Yeah, she’s pretty devastated. Me? Don’t worry about me; I’m still standing. Barely, but standing,” he was saying when he heard Perri’s scream. “I gotta go, man!” He ran into the bathroom. “Imani?” Perri dropped to her knees, lifting Imani from the car seat. “Perri!” Barrington yelled, busting through the door. “Perri?” He looked around. “In here.” Perri called out, inhaling her baby’s scent. “Oh my God!” Barrington dropped to his knees, holding Perri and Imani in his arms. “She’s here,” his voice broke. “Yeah, baby. Our baby is here.” Perri sobbed, kissing Imani’s whole face over and over again. “Let me hold her, baby.” Barrington didn’t bother to wipe the tears that fell from his eyes. He kissed every inch of his daughter’s face and neck. “Cupcake . . .” He kissed every inch of her face again. “Da, da, da,” Imani cooed. “Did you hear that?” Barrington and Perri asked each other. “I thought it was me.” They said at the same time. “It’s not you.” They declared, engaging in a family hug, they’re tears mingling.

“Mu, mu. Mum,” Imani said, giggling.” “Oh, God . . .” Perri cried, kissing her daughter’s forehead. “I love you, baby.” She sniffled. “Your Mum loves you, Imani.” She carefully extracted her from Barrington’s embrace and gently laid her in her lap. Perri slowly began undressing her daughter. “What are you doing, Perri?” “Taking care of my little girl; she’s mine, Barrington. Because of that crazy Nia, I missed out on hearing the first words she ever spoke.” Without looking up at him she reminded him, “So did you. She taught my child to say Mum. I was supposed to teach her, her first words. I’m her mother; I was supposed to be her first teacher. Always.” Having stripped Imani bare, Perri announced, “I don’t want that woman’s clothes on my baby, too.” Perri hugged Imani to her chest. Barrington stripped out of his shirt. “Put this on her, baby, so she doesn’t catch cold; it’s cold in here.” He watched as Perri wrapped their daughter in his shirt. Standing, he asked, “You ready to take our baby home, sweet Perri?” She nodded, smiling through her tears. “Almost.” Perri removed the sandals from Imani’s feet. Barrington reached for his daughter then helped his wife up with his other hand. “Let’s go home, ladies, so we can really get our family reunion started right,” he announced. Perri tossed the clothes and shoes she removed from

her daughter in the trashcan. “Amen.” It took another two hours before they could take their daughter and go home, because when they stepped out of the bathroom the police had them surrounded. Chief Morris was elated to see Imani was safe and sound, but still insisted on having her checked out at the local hospital. From there he escorted them to the police station, where they had to give a formal statement of what transpired, leading up to the reappearance of Imani Sinclair Knight.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT “I can't believe you guys pulled this welcome home party together on such short notice,” Perri said.” Hunter wiped her sister's tears. “That's the third time you've said that.” She hugged her. “And stop that crying, you know I can't let you cry alone.” She discreetly wiped tears of her own. “Besides,” Tyler chimed in, “you didn't really think we wouldn't be throwing the biggest celebration for our baby who has finally come home, did you?” “I know that's right,” Mattie said. She smiled, looking across the yard at her great grandbaby being rocked to sleep by Linda. She chuckled.”That poor baby; we have worn her slap out.” “And I'm not complaining one bit,” Perri said, laughing. “I'm glad she's home.” “We all are,” Journey was saying as she finishing up a long French braid down Crush’s back. “You better say that,” Crush chuckled. “I thought I was gonna have to kill B before this was all done and over.” Everyone laughed. Hunter fingered Crush's braid. “Y'all are so ghetto.” She looked at Journey, “Sitting out here braiding this boy's hair like you in the country.” “Don't hate 'cause your braid fake.” “Let me tell you something, man.” Hunter picked up a

handful of her hair. “All my stuff is real. I don't model with fake hair. So when you see me up on that runway, you can be assured I didn't buy that hair; I grew it.” Everyone laughed. “Usher?” Crush looked at him. “Is that really her hair, man?” he winked. “Why you asking him?” Hunter demanded with one hand on her hip.”Like my husband, you a white man, so why you want your hair braided anyway?” Crush grinned. “It’s hot as hell’s soup kitchen out here, Hunter. I like my hair braided so it don’t sweat out. You should understand that, right? He pointedly looked at her hair. “Now back to your hair.” His eyes slid to Usher and back to her. “So I’m just wondering if when things get intense between you two, if Usher has to be careful not to pull your hair too hard.” “Excuse you.” Hunter feigned offense. Laughing, Usher embraced his wife's waist. “Man, I can't tell a lie. Everything on my baby is real; we don't do the fake stuff. Period.” He kissed Hunter's neck. “I can see why, man.” Kane connected with Tyler's eyes as she smiled timidly. “It's not like they need it or nothing.” “Amen.” Barrington and Usher said in unison. “Hold up now,” Crush patted Journey's legs. “Journey didn't miss out in the better-than-blessed department, either, 'cause my baby is fine!” Journey laughed. “Thank you, baby boy.” She kissed his head. “And Miss Tina is a beautiful woman too; look at

that hour glass body she’s working with.” “Here, here!” The others agreed while Tina could only look down, embarrassed. “Here, Journey.” Hunter offered her a cup of punch. “No thanks, Hunter. I'm not thirsty.” “Honey, that's good, because this is just to wash down that mouthful of oily hair you just tasted from slick-head's scalp.” “You got jokes, Hunter,” Crush said, laughing. “Girl, I wash my hair every day, thank you.” Everyone laughed as Hunter and Crush continued to trade playful insults. A few hours later, Imani's welcome home party was still going strong. The men were off playing a fierce game of basketball, and the women were lounging in the front yard. “Oh, I don't even believe this.” Tina shielded her eyes with one hand while looking across the expanse of Barrington's yard. All the women stopped what they were doing and followed her gaze. Journey's mouth fell open as her anger began to build. “What is she doing here?” she hissed. “Let's just find out,” Linda said and started out to meet the young woman. Perri stood frozen in place, too stunned, shocked, annoyed, and downright angry to make a move. The young woman unashamedly pranced toward them,

her protruding belly leading the way. “What are you doing here, girl?” Linda demanded when she met her. “Isn't it obvious?” She rubbed her belly. “I'm here to see my baby's daddy.” Nia laughed at her own pun. “Oh, you got jokes, Huh?” No one even saw Perri coming until she was right there, up close and personal, in Nia's face. “Well, let me tell you what I got.” She went to swing at Nia but Mattie grabbed her hand, stopping her. “It isn't worth it, Sugarplum. Imani's home; she's safe, she's sound. Just let the police handle that crazy child standing yonder.” “Nia, what the hell are you doing on my property?” Barrington stood in front of Perri, bracing his hands on either side of her thighs. Nia watched the affectionate display in disgust. “I work here. Remember?” Linda scoffed. “Girl, you done lost your natural mind.” At the same time, Barrington said, “Not anymore you don't. Nia, you have got to be bent if you think I’d allow you to step one foot back in my home.” Nia's glance slid toward her ex best friend. “What are you doing here, Tina?” “She was invited. Unlike you,” Crush stood by his brother's side. Nia laughed, eying the two handsome men. “What are you, Crush? Your brother's keeper?”

Crush stepped forward. “I'm your worst nightmare if you don't get out of here.” “Now, now, Crush,” Nia taunted, “is that anyway to talk to your niece's Mum?” “What the hell kind of game are you playing, Nia?” Barrington demanded. Nia smiled up at him sweetly before saying, “I assure you, sir, this is no game. My pregnancy is real. And you are my baby's daddy.” She laughed. Perri stepped around Barrington. “And what you are is crazy, girl, if you think my husband is going to play daddy to that kid.” She pointed at her stomach. “Think? Is that what you said, Perri, darling?” She shook her head. “'Cause I can just about assure you that Barrington will never turn his back on his own child. Not after the hell you put him through.” She tsked. “Using that sweet child that you don't deserve as a pawn to hurt the man you claimed to love.” Perri lurched for Nia, but this time, it was Bobby who picked her up and held her as she continued to struggle in his arms. “She's not worth it, baby.” “I want you to get out of here, Nia!” Tyler ordered. “While you still can.” Nia laughed. “I doubt anyone here is going to risk hitting a pregnant woman.” “Knock it off, Nia.” Barrington warned. She watched Barrington’s lips as he spoke. Nia could just about imagine his lips . . .

Raising her head defiantly, she reminded him, “I don't take orders from you since according to you I am no longer employed here.” “Which means you're trespassing, so leave,” Hunter got directly in her face. Amused, Nia tried to stifle a smile. “What's this? A family affair?” “Thanks to you, it's a family reunion,” Tyler said. “And we were having a wonderful time before you so rudely showed your face here.” “Which,” Kane joined Tyler's side, “is just downright stupid considering you're a wanted fugitive.” I take it you must be Barrington's infamous cousin I've heard so much about.” Nia's emerald green eyes roamed him up and down. “You are a handsome thing.” She grinned and said, “Did you know your cousin wanted me to consider going out with you? I guess now you can thank your lucky stars I refused the offer.” Kane rolled his eyes. “Sweetheart, you're not even in my field of interest. And as far as being lucky goes, I'm a star player on God's team, which automatically means I'm fortunate. Luck is for amateur players like you, who star on the devil's crew.” Having understood sports humor, Crush, Bobby, Usher and Barrington laughed. “Oh, you've got jokes.” Nia tilted her head. “In addition to being handsome, you're a funny man too, I see.” “B, why don't we just call the cops?” Kane said, waiting

for his cousin to give the cue. “Oh, now, Mr. Kane, you wouldn't really go putting an expectant woman in jail, now would you?” Barrington's temper went into overdrive. “Nia, the only thing you should be expecting is to have the book thrown at you. What the hell were you thinking pulling a stupid stunt like kidnapping my daughter?” “That's what we'd all like to know?” Mattie folded her arms. Ignoring everyone but Barrington, Nia said, “What I did, sir, I did for you.” She nodded toward Perri. “That woman kept the fact that she was even carrying your child from you for the entire time she was pregnant. What do you call what she did to you?” “Whatever I did or did not do to him is none of your business,” Perri hissed. “And apparently, Perri, you thought it was none of his business either. But maybe if you'd thought about someone other than yourself, you'd have known what a blessed woman you were to be carrying his child.” “I will hurt you, you stupid wench.” Perri lurched for Nia, just to be picked up once again by Bobby. “Stop it, Perri,” Bobby spoke firmly. “Honey, she's just not worth it; think of Imani, sweetheart. She needs you; remember that.” Nia stepped back and looked at Barrington. “You talk about me being a criminal. Your wife can't even control herself.”

“My wife, Nia is none of your business. And neither am I. Got that?” “What I've got, is your child,” she placed a hand over her belly, “in my womb.” “A child you obviously care nothing about, other than to use it as a pawn to snag the supposedly father—who by the way, had no involvement or say yet again in the life of his children.” Barrington regretted the words the moment they slipped past his lips. He could feel Perri's eyes boring into his back. Shocked by her husband's last remark, Perri could only stare at Barrington. Celebration danced in Nia's emerald green eyes. She taunted her opponent, “Sounds like your husband hasn't forgiven you after all, sweet Perri.” Barrington gripped Nia by the shoulders before he knew he moved. “Shut up, Nia. Don't you say another word to my wife, or I promise you, you will not like me very much afterward.” Without releasing his hold on Nia, he glanced back at Perri. “Baby, I did not mean what I said as criticism toward you. I have forgiven you, and you know that for yourself. Don't let Nia shake your faith in me or in us.” Tears streaked Perri's face as she could only stare at the man who was supposed to be her husband, protector, defender. Her eyes lowered and with painstaking horror, she watched his hands. They were on her! It wasn't her— his wife—he was holding; it was Nia—his ex housekeeper and now, mother to his other unborn child. Feeling sick to

her stomach, Perri turned her back and without warning, started throwing up. “Looks like I win by default after all, Perri. I mean your husband's hands are on me. Didn't you see?” Nia grinned wickedly. “Let me at her.” Hunter went for Nia but Usher grabbed her forearms. “This heifer is asking for it.” Tyler went for Nia but Kane blocked her path. “Get out of my way!” Hunter and Tyler screamed at Usher and Kane, neither of which was about to budge. Barrington couldn't recall ever feeling so angry, not even when he found out about Perri's deception. “I told you to shut up, Nia. And lay off my wife,” he warned for the last time. “Don't you make a mistake and think I'm holding you for you. I'm only holding you to keep my wife and sisters' out of jail, and nothing more. You hear?” He swore to himself if he could just make himself forget it was wrong to hit a woman . . . Nia was crestfallen, realizing that what she saw in Barrington's eyes was pure contempt. Contempt meant solely for her. She'd never seen him look at anyone the way his beautiful yellow-green eyes were now boring into her— like he could smash her to smithereens with just one slip of his self-control. She blinked back tears. Tina graciously intervened, “Nia, please. I know there's still some good left in you, so please, Nia, just go. You've hurt enough people already. Most of all, you've taken two

helpless victims: Imani and your own unborn child.” “Nia, I want you off of my property and out of my family’s life forever, or I swear, I will have you arrested and brought up on charges of kidnapping.” Barrington dared her to challenge him. “Tina, take her anywhere but here.” “What?” Perri shouted. “Barrington, tell me you're not serious. You can't be letting that woman just walk out of here like she didn't do anything wrong. She stole our daughter for crying out loud.” Barrington went to his wife, taking her hands within his own. “Baby, she can't hurt us anymore; let's just be grateful for that.” Perri snatched her hands from his, not caring about the hurt that flashed in his eyes. “You be grateful! I want justice!” She flung her gaze at Nia. “I'm calling Chief Morris right now,” she announced. “Perri,” Barrington pulled her to his chest, refusing to let her go, though she struggled against him with all her might. “Please, Perri, she's pregnant . . . maybe with my baby—” “What are you saying, Barrington?” “I don't know,” he admitted. “Do you even hear yourself?” “Yes. I can't explain it, Perri, but if I'm responsible for another baby, I can't . . . I have to know the truth. I have to, Perri. Please understand, Perri. Please?” “I don't understand any of this.” Perri sniffled. “I know, baby. But if Nia is carrying my child and we send her to jail, what then?”

“She get's prosecuted, exactly as she deserves. And we get justice.” “And what becomes of her baby?” he challenged, hating the hurt in her eyes. “No matter what, Perri, the baby Nia's carrying is innocent.” “And so is your daughter, Barrington. But that didn't stop Nia from stealing Imani and taking off to another country with her, now did it?” “Perri, please, let's just wait until she has the baby.” “And then the baby will still be without its mother. So why wait?” Imani woke up crying. Perri said to her husband, “I don't believe you're doing this,” and walked off.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE Two weeks later, Perri still wasn't speaking to Barrington, even sleeping in the guest bedroom—when she wasn't spending the entire night in Imani's room for fear that she might get nabbed by that certifiable Nia. Perri swore if she never saw that woman again it would be too soon. Today was the day Perri finally worked up the courage to confront her husband about the status of their marriage and their family as a whole. Figuring the best way to get it over with was just to do it, she said, “Barrington, I think it's best if we separate, at least until our baby is born.” There, she'd said it. “Perri, you can't be serious.” What was she thinking? “I am serious, too, Barrington.” “Perri—” “Barrington, I'm about to enter my third trimester.” She cradled her belly. “I can't bear anymore stress from the strain of our relationship, period.” “No, Perri, stop it,” Barrington ordered. “You do not get to put a period where a comma was meant to take up space. You do not just get to announce a separation and have that be the end of it. I mean, come on, Perri, don't you think we should discuss this?” “Barrington, please, okay?” Perri shook her head. “You could say some things and I could say some things, but nothing, and I do mean nothing, is gonna change our

situation. I think Nia should be in a jail cell if not up under it, and you don't. End of conversation.” “No, Perri, this is not the end of anything between us.” Barrington laughed but it held no humor. “Perri, don't you see what you're doing here to us and our family?” “I'm not doing anything here except trying to keep my sanity; I'm trying my level best to keep it together as best as I can. Instead of thinking about yourself, why don't you try being me, Barrington. For once, put yourself in my shoes. I think you'll find I'm being extremely gracious considering everything I've been put through because of that madwoman Nia.” Perri scratched her scalp. “You refusing to let justice prevail is not helping our marriage at all.” “Perri, I'm just trying to do the right thing. I don't have a precut blueprint as to how this uninvited drama is supposed to play itself out. But, baby, believe me when I assure you that I am thinking of you, how you feel, and I am trying to do what's right for all of us.” “And in your eyes the right thing represents letting Nia off the hook scot-free? No bid to serve. No suspended sentence with parole. No justice. No nothing. So, how do you think I'm supposed to feel about that? And I'm asking not just as your wife, Barrington, but also as a human being, period.” “Perri, how many times have you told me that God is able to take care of folks far better than we can?” She glared at him. “Don't you do that; don't you dare take something totally unrelated I said and use it against

me in said case.” Perri raised her chin. “I won't stand for it, Barrington. I will leave you standing here talking to yourself and I will not even think about hearing another word you have to say anytime soon.” Knowing he'd pushed too far, but also that it was too late to backtrack now, Barrington said, “But don't you see, Perri, that's exactly what I need you to do.” He wanted to kiss away the hard frown lines in his wife's face. “I need you to listen to me and even if you don't understand it, I need you to hear me out on this issue.” “You hurt me,” Perri accused. “And now you're hurting me,” Barrington shot back. “Barrington, I'm trying to find a place in my heart to forgive you. And more than anything, I don't want to hurt you anymore.” “Then don't. Okay, Perri? Just don't. It's just that simple, baby.” “It's not that simple; our circumstances are anything but simple, Barrington.” “Why can’t it be that simple, Perri?” he wanted to know. “Because it is just too hard for me, Barrington,” she shook her head, “I don't think you realize just how hard this is for me. But it is, okay? It's just hard; too hard to keep dealing with in my condition. I don't need any more aggravation in my spirit and I don't need any more complications in my already too full of disappointed life.” “And that's what I represent to you, Perri, aggravation and disappointment?”

“I'm just saying, Barrington, we need a break.” “I don't need a break, Perri. Stop trying to speak for me.” “Okay, fine. I need a break then. Okay?” “And I don't get a say?” “I need time, Barrington. Please give it to me.” “And if I don't give it to you, Perri?” “I'll take it anyway.” He rolled his eyes. “Why am I not surprised?” “I don't need your permission, you know. I'm just being polite by asking.” “Then why ask me for something you plan on taking anyway, Perri?” “Because, Barrington, together, we've still got kids to consider.” “But you're not really considering them, are you, Perri?” She snorted. “I won't even dignify that ignorant comment.” “Because you can't,” he accused, resenting her selfish attitude. “No. It’s because you're wrong. You're hurt, Barrington, and you're mad because you can't have your way.” “You mean like you want to have yours, Perri?” “The only thing I wanna have is peace, and right now I can't get that by being here with you.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings.” “Are you, Perri?”

“More than you know, Barrington.” She sniffled. “But I need space from you.” Barrington rubbed the back of his neck, thinking. “Say I do give you space, Perri. Then what happens next?” He shrugged in defeat. “Where do we go from there, baby? Do you know of a way for us to get back to sharing the same space? Baby, give me a timeframe to work with.” “How long does it take to heal a broken heart?” Barrington looked at her dumbfounded. “And that's what we're dealing with here,” she shrugged, “my broken heart over your unjust decision. That one choice, Barrington, has cost you in a way I know you never meant to have to pay. But that's what this has come to, okay? I don't know of any other way to say it.” Perri took a deep breath. “I know I need to forgive you, Barrington, but right now, I'm just not there yet. I'm so mad at you all I can feel is the hurt of your betrayal.” She shook her head ruefully. “Beyond that, all I can feel is pain; pain that you helped put me through. It doesn't matter it wasn't intentional because your decision to keep Nia out of jail was intentional, and I don't know in all honesty if I can ever forget, let alone forgive that.” Desperate for any sign of hope, Barrington encouraged, “Then try to remember the times we've shared together, Perri; maybe then, baby, some old memory of our good times will make you care for me again.” Perri couldn't shield the tears. “I will always care for you, Barrington,” she vowed, swiping tears from her eyes. “I just

can't live with you right now.” “The grief in his voice matched the pain in her eyes. “Then tell me when, Perri. How long do you think I have to suffer before you're finally satisfied?” Unable to supply him with the answer he was looking for, Perri turned away. Barrington was determined to push past the hurt he felt watching his wife turn her back to him. Unable to accept they'd reached the end, forcing one foot ahead of the other, he walked around his wife and stood directly in front of her. “Can you please answer that for me, Perri? Please?” At this point he didn't mind begging if that's what it took to bring back the love of his wife. “You're not being fair, Barrington,” she said, not looking up. He stroked the back of her hair. “I'm trying to keep my family together, here. I'm sorry if that offends you, baby, but, fair is not an option here. Now, please answer my question. And I want you to look at me when you say it so that I can look into your beautiful chocolate brown eyes—to see for myself—whether you're telling me the truth. Look at me, Perri. Please look at me, baby.” Her spirit warred inwardly and as much as her flesh did not want to, Perri looked up seeing Barrington in her own personal space. He was too close. Her heart soared to the sky. She pushed it back down, roughly. He will not gain the upper hand. “I could make a million promises, Barrington, but it still

won't change where we are right now, and it isn't right to stay together when we only bring each other pain.” “It isn't right to break our family up, Perri, no matter what, and just because you think it's the only answer doesn't change the fact that it's wrong.” They just stared at each other, distant silence stretching out between them, separating them even more. Perri broke the trance, needing to do something other than stand there, appearing the fool that she felt, so she averted her gaze to the floor, staring at nothing in particular. She knew Barrington was hurting, she felt his hurt; it was the same hurt she was feeling in her own soul. She half hoped and half expected him to make a comment about her fidgeting or something. But to her grave disappointment there was nothing but silence from him. Taking a chance, on a deep sigh, Perri glanced up at him. He stared on. But this time instead of a gulf that separated them in mere distance, she saw in his beautiful eyes compassion, drawing her in. She had all of his attention, and for a nanoo second, she was tempted to fall in to his arms. Almost. But almost doesn't count, and neither did she yield to her temptation. Still, there was no mistaking the safety she witnessed in his eyes, as honest as they were. Perri felt compelled to say something, but her pride had her mouth dry as cotton in a slave master's field. “Perri,” Barrington broke the deafening silence. “I'm not gonna say no one will ever love you. It would be a boldfaced lie, because you're a very lovable person.” He paused,

seeming to gage how she'd registered his words thus far. “But no one will ever love you like I love you; that much I can safely assure you, sweet Perri.” He sounded as possessive as ever to her. Though Perri had plenty to say, she stared at him wordlessly. “Go ahead, Perri. I know you got a thing or two to say.” Clearing her throat unnecessarily, Perri said, “Love has never been the problem between us, Barrington. Never has it been a lack of it; we've always suffered from too much of it. This time love just isn't enough. I need more. I believe you do, too. Am I wrong?” Barrington wished he could disagree, but damned if he could. “No,” she answered for him. “And I can't . . . I won't settle for less than a man who has my back wholeheartedly. Especially,” she raised a weak hand stopping his protest, “when that man is my husband.” “Perri, I . . .” “Chose to leave my peace of mind hanging in the balance in order to take that dreadful woman's side; I know, Barrington. I know.” “You don't know anything, Perri,” he snapped. “At least not what's going on in my heart, but there was a time though . . . . Barrington stopped. He had been going to say there was a time when she could read his heart without words, knew his heart with just a look in his eyes. He could say that because for him it had been the same way with her. Taking up his pause, Perri picked up the path where he

trailed off. “Is love enough to repair what was torn down? Rebuild what we lost?” “I think it is.” “I think you're kidding yourself and me.” “Love is enough, Perri.” “What dream world are you living in, Barrington?” “Baby, I don't care how much time passes away, how far apart two people go astray; love doesn't vanish away. It just simply doesn't work that way.” “Barrington . . .” Perri, love doesn't let go; love stays and fights. Love isn't just something you do; it's a part of who you are in your heart.” “Barrington . . .” “I'm not giving up on you, Perri, you got that? I won't let you bury us alongside your grief.” Tired of sharing the same space with Barrington and needing her own, Perri crossed to the other side of the room. She stared out at her beautiful pink and white roses. She wondered why her life couldn’t be that sweet as she tried to taper the anger she felt toward her husband. His words were like a slap in her face. Finally turning to face Barrington, her eyes stilled on him emotionless. “I didn't bury us, Barrington. You did when you chose Nia over me. And honestly, you’ve taken me to a place I’m not sure I can come back from.” Barrington started toward her then. “For the last time, Perri, I did not choose Nia.” He stopped a breath in front of

her. “What would you call it then?” “I call it sacrifice.” “Call it what you will. I call it betrayal. In my eyes it can't be overlooked.” “That's because you're looking through the eyes of hate when you should be looking through the eyes of compassion. That's it! He couldn't have shattered her heart more if he'd ripped it from her chest, tossed it to the floor, stomping it to smithereens with it full of all the love it still held for him. “That's just exactly it,” Perri announced, and, again, fought back angry, hurtful tears. “You made your bed, Barrington. And whether hard or soft, you can just waste away in it.” She sashayed past him. He grabbed her arm, pulling her into his chest. Barrington held Perri as if she'd duck out on him any minute. He couldn't take that chance. He wouldn't. “Let me go,” she ordered calmly. “I'm sorry, Perri, I can't do that not even for you. I love you, Perri.” “Don't,” was all she could manage. “Have to; if I don't you'll be gone. I lost you once because pride, but not again. Hear me, Perri? I will not lose you a second tome. I won't! So love is going to have to be enough,” he announced, “because I love you too much to lose you for even a second.”

Barrington's head lowered, his mouth covered Perri’s, devouring the sweet honey inside, taking possession of her tongue, pulling it inside his own mouth, his way of inviting her to take all she wanted from him. Whatever she wanted, he'd give her, save a life that didn't include him in it. All the magnetism Barrington was capable of exerting, he transferred to Perri, and every stitch of her skin tingled. Against her own wishes, Perri gave in to the love she had for Barrington and she allowed her husband to make love to her, returning every bit of passion, fire and desire as he ignited within her.

CHAPTER THIRTY Three Weeks Later “You're here bright and early again, boss lady?” Tina asked coming into the office. Momentarily glancing up from her sketch pad, Perri smiled at her assistant. “Yes, Tina. Where else would I be? Especially since our showing is one week away.” “You're still going on with that as scheduled?” Tina had hoped she'd postpone it until all this mess with Nia was worked out. Not because she was too worried about her ex friend Nia, but because she was genuinely concerned about her newfound friendship with Perri. And as her friend, Tina didn't like seeing Perri in pain because of Nia's ridiculous schemes and evil plans. “Of course, Tina, this is a very important showing. It means a profitable future for Perri's Boutique and, with the residual monies, I'll be able to pay you a higher salary to run things for me, so that I can spend more time with Imani and soon,” she placed her right hand on her belly, “my new baby boy, too.” Perri nodded and said, “So, yes, the fashion show must go on, Tina.” “I wish I were that strong, Perri. Your courage is amazing.” “I disagree. Not about my courage, but about your strength. Tina, you are stronger than you think; you proved

that by coming to us and telling us of Nia's plan.” “But I was way too late in coming forward.” “Point is you could have kept quiet, not let on you knew the story behind the certifiable woman.” They both laughed like crazy at the thought. “But you came to us, and even though Barrington was less than grateful, I know he respects the fact that you did come forward.” Perri's tone became that of a concerned mother. “I know you considered Nia your friend, Tina, so I understand how difficult this has to be for you.” “You hit the nail on the head, Perri. I was Nia's friend, but she sure wasn't mine.” A warm smile graced Tina's lips. “And because you invited me into your circle of family and friends, I now know for myself what loyalty means. I appreciate you taking a chance on an unknown, wannabe designer like me.” Perri chuckled. “You're very welcome, Tina. But you say that like you think I am notoriously known in the fashion industry now. But, to use your words, I'm still just a wannabe designer with a lot of high hopes and dreams.” She laughed. “I'm just hoping that together, Tina, you and I can help each other achieve our hopes and dreams. “I hope so, too, Perri, and, I'm looking forward to trying.” “Here, here,” Hunter rang out cheerfully. “Amen, amen, and amen,” Tyler was saying at the same time. Perri and Tina shared a curious look. “What are you two doing here?” Perri asked, laughing.

“Well, since our very dear and just as stubborn sister wouldn't come to us, we decided to come hang out with you at your place of living—I mean business.” “Very funny, Hunter,” Perri said, shaking her head. “And she's very right, Perri,” Journey was saying as she entered the boutique. Smiling, Perri shook her head as Tina laughed. “You too, Jern?” “Me, too,” Journey confirmed. “Look, honey, you need to stop hiding out at this boutique of yours, as exquisite as it is, and go home to your husband; put that man out of his misery so that I don't have to rudely push him out of the already little time that Crush and I have to spend together.” They all laughed. “So you have your own motives for wanting me and my hubby back together.” “You're darn straight. My first motive is because you two belong together. My second motive, because your family deserves to be happy. My third motive, because you don't need to let that heifer Nia win. My fourth motive, and the most important, is because I need my time with my man.” Journey doubled over laughing. “Girl, you are not right.” Perri looked at her older sister. “And you, Hunter?” “See, now, I was trying to keep my mouth closed. But since you asked, who am I not to insert my two cents?” Hunter chuckled. “Seriously, Perri, I agree with everything

Journey said.” “And, because I know there’s more?” Perri said. Hunter looked at Journey. “And the part about her and Crush needing time together, too.” She chuckled and winked. “That's it?” Perri asked incredulous. Hunter looked at her sister. “That's it.” Looking at her little sister, Perri questioned, “What about you, Tyler?” “Perri, you know I love you and I support you no matter what.” “But?” “You're dead wrong for walking out on your marriage.” Tyler frowned. “It's been four weeks, girl; time to go home and put your family together again. Besides that, Perri, if you're not gonna take pity on Journey and Crush at least have some for me and Kane.” Perri crinkled an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” “I mean, when Barrington's not tagging along with Crush and Journey, he's with me and Kane. You know I love my brother and Kane loves his cousin like a brother, but we need some us time, you know.” “And what am I supposed to do about it?” “Spend some time with him, Perri. God, when he comes to get Imani, invite him to spend time with her there, better yet, offer to go somewhere with them.” Tyler shrugged. “I don't know, Perri. I just know that both Kane

and I are too nice to tell him we don't want him around every time we spend time together.” “I don't know why not, you certainly have no problem telling me.” Perri then addressed her assistant. “I suppose you have an opinion too, Tina?” “I do, boss lady.” Tina breathed deeply. “I have to join forces with my girls over there. All of them are right, Perri. Barrington needs you, and honestly, you need him, too. I've never seen a love so strong as what you two share.” “First of all ladies, let me just say, every one of y’all need to stop hating on my husband.” They all laughed at Perri because it was evident to each one of them that she still had her man’s back even if she temporarily turned her back on him. “No, don’t laugh at me,” Perri said, “I’m serious. Second of all, I heard every word y'all had to say. But I have to do things my way and in my own time. Thanks for the concern, though.” She put away her designs and grabbed her pursed. “Let's go eat ladies, I'm starved,” she said and walked out before they could say more.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE Two Months Later Barrington and Perri sat across from each other at the conference table, her looking at the table, staring at nothing in particular, and him looking at her, staring what he'd hoped to be some sense into her. Each listened and tried not to hear the comments being shifted between their two lawyers while they each went back and forth on the terms of the final separation papers. “You cannot make my client spend time with your client when they are separated in every sense of the word,” said David Hassel, attorney for Perri. “And your client cannot exclude my client from all the particulars concerning her pregnancy since she is carrying his child,” Tommy Lee, attorney for Barrington, said just as forcibly. “She is not trying to do that. All Perri is trying to do, Tom, is regain some semblance of the life that, up until the return of Nia Eusebio, she had come to know and love. I don't think it's too much to ask of your client not to insist on crowding her with his obviously unwanted presence, other than to pick up and return their shared daughter, Imani.” Tommy rubbed his hand down his face; taking off his glasses, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Dave, all I'm saying is that my client has equal rights where the

management of the children, living and otherwise, that he and Perri share. So what's so unreasonable about him wanting to be in on every doctor visit?” “Do you mean, other than the fact that Perri can't always schedule her appointments around the times that are convenient for your client?” “Enough. Okay?” Perri spoke up, rubbing her temples, feeling a mild migraine coming on. Barrington leaned forward, concern laced in his question, “Perri, you all right?” “No, I'm not all right, Barrington.” Perri looked at him. “None of this is right, but here we are, and we've got to find a way to come to some amicable terms and adhere to them.” She placed her head in her left hand to keep from wincing. “Baby, I know that move. You've got a headache, Barrington accused. “I'm fine, Barrington,” she lied. “Or at least I'm trying to be.” She shook her head. “I will be fine.” “So long as I do what you want, right?” “Barrington—” “Perri, I'm going to be present for the birth of my baby, period.” Perri stared at him blankly. “I expect you to be in the delivery room with me, Barrington. Frankly, I'm hurt you'd think otherwise. But then again, you just keep on surprising me, don't you?” She raised an impatient hand, “Never mind. I'm not gonna do this.” Her eyes pleaded with his. “Let's just

both get each other through this extremely emotional ordeal. Just sign the papers, Barrington. Please?” She watched as an array of emotions displayed across his handsome face, marring his beautifully chiseled features. She watched him work his Adam’s apple as he inwardly debated what his next move would be. And she could almost tell when he'd made up his mind. Perri breathed a sigh of relief because she knew that Barrington was going to place her needs ahead of his own regardless of how difficult it would be for him to do it. She was grateful. Taking the pen in hand, Barrington snatched the papers from the center of the table. “Damn it,” he swore and quickly scribbled his signature, knowing it was a lie, because he didn't agree that they were rightfully separated. With tears in her eyes, Perri whispered a heartfelt, “Thank you, G-Man.” Accepting the pen from her attorney, she signed her name, pushing the papers to the center of the table. “Perri, I—” “Not now, Barrington. Please, not now.” Perri turned to her attorney. “Would you mind walking out with me?” Feeling Barrington hard stare on her, she avoided eye contact with him altogether. Raging jealousy coursed through Barrington's veins, the thought of another man taking his place sickened his stomach. Not because he thought no other man would desire his wife; they would without a doubt. It was because

it hurt too much to think that Perri might desire a man other than him; after all, he had been her first in every way, memories he'd shared with her, no one else could replace. In Barrington's mind, she would always be his sweet Perri, and damned if he was about to share that space with any other man on the face of the earth, living, breathing, or otherwise. Watching his wife leave with her attorney, taking his unborn son right along with them made him furious. Barrington couldn't help wondering who else, what other man would come along and at least try taking care of what he considered his home, and what was most definitely his family. *** “Come on, boss lady, you've been looking at those same galleys for the last half hour. You can't really be seeing anything different about them,” Tina suspected as she watched Perri go through the designs for the hundredth time. “No, Tina, I was just . . . . Just what? “Okay, you caught me,” Perri confessed. “I was lost somewhere in the past.” She shook her head. “Not that it'll do me any good. But hey, a girl can still daydream.” She tried smiling through the pain. Tina's heart went out to her friend. “Perri, if you're having second thoughts, it's not too late to change your mind; you know nothing would make Barrington happier,

except . . . well, you know, having you sleep in his arms, only not so much the sleeping part. They laughed out loud. “Tina, please. Don't remind me. I've rather been trying to forget that part.” “How’s that working out for you?” “Terrible.” She chuckled and fanned herself, sighing dramatically. “Not to put our personal business on front street; but, Tina, my husband is not a man any woman can easily forget once she's been in his presence.” “You don't have to convince me, Perri. I've met him, remember. You two as a couple were my hope for my own future relationship, whenever God decides it's time for me to have one.” Perri smiled. “It'll happen when it’s supposed to, Tina. But I implore you don't be in too big of a rush. And, please, don't base it on what you've seen Barrington and I go through; all relationships aren't that hard pressed, I assure you.” She shrugged. “Just because it turned out difficult for me in no way means it won't be a lot smoother for you and whomever God sends to love you through. Keep the faith, period.” “Is that what you did?” “I don't follow?” “Did you keep the faith until you felt it was no longer of any use?” Perri blinked, surprised by the question. She'd never thought about it that way and quite frankly, it more than

unnerved her. “I'm sorry, Tina, I don't mean to look so dumbfounded, but I wasn't expecting a mind boggling question like that.” “Never mind; I'm sorry, Perri, I shouldn't have asked.” “It's all right, Tina. It's a legit question; I’m not sure I have the right answer for you.” A tall, attractive man entered the boutique just then. “Special delivery for Perri Knight,” he announced looking back and forth between the two attractive women. “I'm Perri.” She signed for it, and tore open the package as soon as she'd tipped the delivery guy and he was gone. Flipping through the portfolio she knew belonged to her, she asked, “What's this all about?” She looked at Tina. “Are these the designs you said you misplaced over six months ago?” Coming to stand beside her, Tina said, “They are. But how—” “Nia!” Both women said in unison. “I don't believe her,” Tina fumed. Perri shook her head and sighed deeply. “I guess I should just be glad she didn't use them. She studied the designs carefully, or altar them in any way.” *** Still dazed by Tina's question, Perri sat in her car for thirty minutes, staring at Barrington's mansion, trying to

come up with the correct answer; if one existed. Perri started her engine and was about to pull away when the DJ’s voice on the radio snagged her attention. “That's right, all you die-hard music lovers in radio land, this is the new cut from our homeboys Barrington and Crush; you know them better as Blue-Eyed Soul. This is a sneak premier so call us up and let us know what you think of their latest cut entitled, Sweet Perri. Perri gasped in surprise and her heart soared to the clouds in the sky above.

Sweet Perri, you're my whole world Sweet Perri, you own my heart, girl Sweet Perri, you're deep in my soul Sweet Perri, you're my lifeline, baby girl Sweet Perri, my heart beats for you Sweet Perri, my soul soars straight to you Sweet Perri My sweet, sweet Perri Sweet Perri You're my sweet Perri My sweet Perri, girl Sweet Perri I'll do anything you want, my baby

Go anywhere you wanna go, sweet Perri Sweet Perri, my search is over I found my home in you, baby girl You're my haven, my strong tower Sweet Perri, my world is yours, I was made to love you, girl Sweet Perri, I love you, baby girl You're my wife and I'm lovin' you for life My whole world is you, Sweet Perri “That's right radio land you heard hear first, Sweet Perri by Blue-Eyed Soul.” Perri cut the engine and for the next five minutes allowed herself to have a good cry, as unchecked tears flowed down her face. Sighing heavily, she finally got out of the car and headed up the walkway. She knew Barrington wasn't home because he'd taken their Imani to visit his parents' so Perri let herself inside using the key she never gave back. Not that she'd tried to give it back, but, also, not that he'd accept it if she had. She smiled and admitted to herself how much she missed her husband and the life they shared as a family. Those were the most precious memories she pondered in her heart. Sifting through memories she'd collected of them over the years, Perri crossed to stand in front of the fireplace, picking up the picture frame on top of the mantle of her and Barrington two weeks after they'd first met. She smiled, as

she had forgotten about that photo. She hadn't seen it in years and wondered why Barrington thought to even put it out now that they were no longer . . . Instead of finishing that thought, Perri replaced the frame on the mantle and carelessly knocked over an antique vase. She unsuccessfully tried to catch it before it hit the floor and shattered around her feet in a million pieces. “Great!” After collecting the broom and dustpan, not wanting to mess up her suit Perri reluctantly reached for Nia's old apron, slipping it over her head. She cleaned up her mess in the living room and replaced the broom and dustpan in the proper place. Thinking it a good idea to explain the freak incident, Perri automatically reached into the front pocket of the apron, pulling out what she thought was some scrap paper. She blinked several times, rereading the front of what turned out to be an envelope with, of all things, her name written on the front, in Barrington's handwriting. Finally turning the envelope over, she saw the seal had been broken and unsuccessfully resealed. With shaky hands, Perri opened the envelope, removing the letter inside sure it had seen better days. It was wrinkled, like it'd been balled up then straightened again.

Sweet Perri, I'm sorry, baby, but Toby just called; I have to head out in forty-five minutes to do a guest spot appearance on Video Soul. I hope you'll watch when it airs day after tomorrow. I'll carry the memory of what we shared here

tonight as my good luck charm. I want you to know, Perri, you mean everything to me. I cherish the gift of your virginity that you gave me tonight, and I'll never take it or you for granted. Baby, we are part of each other now; that will never change no matter how far the physical distance between us. Once again, baby, I must apologize for not protecting you the last time we made love. Remember what I said, Perri, if you are pregnant, I will be right by your side every step of the way. I don't want to scare you, baby, but for some reason I'm not turned off by the thought of you having my seed—not that I'm wishing an unplanned pregnancy on you—but truthfully, I wouldn't mind it. At any rate, please forgive me, sweet Perri. I'll call you as soon as I get settled in the hotel. I love you, my baby. Barrington Fresh tears streaked Perri's face as she reread the letter three more times. “I'm so sorry, Barrington. I should have believed you would never abandon me.” Going back to the living room, Perri cradled the letter to her chest, staring up at the oil painting of Barrington, Imani and herself —her family—that she loved more than her next breath. “Perri?” Startled, Perri swung around, holding her chest tight. “Easy, baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” Barrington carried a sleeping Imani to the couch, carefully laid her down and surrounded her with throw pillows. “Did you two have a good time?” Perri asked, swiping the residual tears and plastered a smile on her face before

Barrington turned back to face her. “We always have a good time. Cupcake is the highlight of my days.” His gaze swept up and down Perri's body. She was absolutely a beautiful woman; but as a pregnant woman, she was breathtaking in a whole other beautiful way. “I did come by the house first to drop Cupcake off, but obviously, you weren't there.” His eyes slid to the letter in her hand. “What are you doing here, baby? Not that I mind.” Perri swallowed hard, trying to think of an answer. Unable to think up anything, she rushed over to him, throwing herself in his arms, almost knocking them both to the floor; she didn't care. She only wanted to be held by him. “Whoa, baby girl.” Barrington didn't hesitate to hold her tight; he had been dying to do that since the day they separated. He pulled back slightly, seeing tears swimming in her beautiful eyes. “What's this, sweet Perri?” He used the pad of his thumbs to wipe her tears. “I'm sorry, Barrington.” She sniffled. “Please forgive me,” she said around a sob. “I was wrong. I should have believed you when you swore you didn’t run out on me. I didn't and I'm so sorry. God, baby, please forgive me.” She clung to him and cried some more. “Nia strikes again,” Barrington complained after hearing his wife out. “I can't believe she took my letter and hid it from you when I specifically asked her to give it to you as soon as you woke up. And to think she even read it!” He shook his head. “My baby, that was meant for your eyes

alone,” he said and hugged his wife. “I'm sorry, sweet Perri.” “It's not your fault, baby boy. It doesn't matter anymore; I have it now. We both know the truth of what happened back then and now we can move on.” “Together?” He couldn't hide the hope in his voice. She smiled and said, “Oh, God, yes, together forever, G-Man.” They shared a passionate kiss. To change the subject, she said, “I heard Sweet Perri on the radio tonight. Thank you for my song, baby, I love it. I love you, Barrington.” “You're welcome, sweet Perri. I love you, baby.” Perri watched their sleeping daughter. “What do you say we put Imani in her bedroom upstairs, and you and I go have our own makeup session?” “I thought you'd never ask.” Barrington kissed his wife then carried his daughter upstairs to her bedroom, carefully placing her in her crib. Scooping his wife up in his arms, he announced, “Let's get it on, baby.” “You just wanna get me on my back.” Barrington’s cock jumped. “You damn straight, baby girl.” Perri giggled, tracing his lips with her tongue before kissing him tenderly. Then she whispered in his ear, “Hit me, Barry.” Kissing, licking, stroking her up and down twice,

Barrington feasted on Perri's body like it was his last supper, enjoying the pleasurable sounds she made. He treated her like it was the first time he'd ever known her intimately. With expert fingers, he explored her warm, wet core until she creamed all over his hand. With the expertise of his mouth, he suckled her breasts until she melted against him, her body begging for more. With a well-placed tongue, he feasted on her sex until he swallowed the last of her bodily juices as she screamed out his name over and over. Saving the best for last, he entered the tight center of her garden and tilled every inch of her love zone until she reached the land of sweet ecstasy, screaming so loud, Barrington was sure she woke Imani. Taking her back to that familiar place two more times, Barrington went with her the third time as he gave in to his release, her name on his lips. *** Perri's fashion show was a big hit, landing her a whole spread in five of the top leading fashion magazines. The after-party was a smash hit, too, and Perri was a woman in love with life—her family life. The last week had been a busy one for Perri's Boutique, and this was a rare night when she actually got to spend it at home, waiting for her husband to arrive. She heard the front door open and close. “Hey, baby.” Barrington came and sat beside her on

the couch. “You okay?” After studying his face, Perri kissed his cheek. “I should be asking you that. You look worn out, baby. Are you all right?” “I'm good.” “Liar. What's going on, G-Man?” He snorted and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay, I do have something to tell you and you're not gonna like it.” For the next little while, he relayed the latest turn of events surrounding Nia. Perri stared at Barrington for a long time, processing the information. “What are you gonna do?” she finally asked her husband. He shrugged. “Don't know yet.” His cell phone rang. Looking at the caller ID, he cursed. “What does she want now?” he asked of no one in particular. Perri knew it could only be Nia so she waited to see what Barrington's next move would be. He looked at her then his phone, back to her and then his phone, back to her again. Tired of waiting, Perri nodded impatiently. She ignored the tightness in her chest as he took the call. “Nia, are you sure about this?” Barrington waited for to finish speaking then decreed, “So help me, if you're playing me, you will regret it.” He sighed heavily and said, “All right, Nia. I'll be there shortly.” He watched his wife, saw the eye of the storm brewing in her chocolate browns as he disconnected the call. “Nia's water just broke; she needs to get over to the hospital, the contractions are ten minutes

apart,” he explained, knowing it was useless. “I have to take her.” Perri made to stand up. “Hold on, baby, let me help you.” “No,” she held up a hand, “I got this. Perri rocked her weight until she got to her feet and paced the living room. “Are you gonna say anything?” he asked, knowing the direction his wife’s mind was going. “What should I say?” “You can always come with me, you know.” “Are you kidding me right now?” Barrington lowered his eyes to the floor. “I don’t want you to worry about this situation with Nia, baby. I’ll take care of it.” “Take care of the situation per se, or take care of Nia?” “The two are connected, Perri.” Perri stopped pacing. “Apparently, you’re connected to it, too.” She resumed her pacing. “What do you want me to say, Perri? Because I got nothing right now,” he said honestly. “I want you to say you won’t go to Nia.” “Perri, I understand that, but she has no one else to call on, baby.” “Who is at fault for that?” “Nia,” he said truthfully. “But still, what would you have me to do?” Perri leveled her eyes on him. “I really have to answer

that for you?” “I guess so.” “Barrington, please, please think about this—all the way through first. I'm standing here and I'm begging you, please listen to me, see this whole situation with Nia for what it is; the sham that it is. She's only trying to trick you again. She already cost us time and a life together once. Please don't let her do it again.” “Perri, I'm not stupid, I know Nia can't be trusted as far as her actions go. But at the same time, I cannot turn my back on her baby—” Frustrated, she screamed, “Your baby, you mean!” “Yes, Perri, my baby,” he said. “No matter what either of us feels for the mother, I can't and you shouldn't want me to turn my back on the . . . my baby,” he corrected himself this time. He could have kicked himself for the pained look shone in his wife's eyes; eyes that before now shined with pure love for him. Now, well, now all Barrington could see in his wife's eyes was fiery contempt, and at the moment he was unsure if the contempt was addressed toward Nia or him. “Barrington,” Perri pleaded one last time before she knew she was going to give up the entire cause because quite frankly she was drained and tired of getting duped. “I am your wife, Barrington . . .” her voice broke without her permission. “Why does she always get your sympathy? I’m your fucking wife, Barrington! And this is what I get from you where Nia is concerned. You should have just married her

because she’s always between us.” Wiping tears with the back of her hand, she said weakly, “I’m your wife, Barrington.” Tears pricked the corners of Barrington’s eyes and his heart cracked in two for his wife. In that instant, he almost hated Nia. “And you always will be my wife, Perri.” Searching her eyes for the slightest compassion, he stated his case, “Just right now, baby, I need to go see about Nia, check up on her—” “Why?” Perri wanted to know what would make him reach out to that wench after all she'd done to their family. And why wasn't he considering the very ones he'd claimed to love? Confused, she wondered, growing bitter by each torturous passing minute. Placing both hands over her heart, she said, “This is me, Barrington. How can you say this to me?” she sniffled. “You look me in the eye, Barrington, and tell me why you need to see about her,” Perri demanded as the hole in her heart grew larger, threatening to cause her whole chest cavity to cave in. “What is it about her do you think is going to have changed, Barrington? S-” Perri sniffed on a broken sob, “s-she's still going to be the s-same conniving Evilene reincarnated devil with a test tube and a mischievous plan that she was two years a-ago.” Why didn't he get that? It was as plain as the stars in the sky. So why didn't he see it? And even if he couldn't, why didn't he just know it? She knew it. Why didn't he? “Baby, please—”

“Don't baby please me when it's a straight up lie.” She sobbed, drawing into her lungs large doses of air while trying to get her bearings. “Perri, baby, please calm down, you’re gonna make yourself sick. It’s not good for the baby.” “Oh, now you wanna show concern for my baby,” it was a statement. She laughed bitterly. If you really want to please me, Barrington, then you'll stay here with your family where you belong.” “Perri—” “If this were the other way around, Barrington, if the shoe were on the other foot, and I had the audacity to stand here and tell you that I think I might be pregnant by another man you—” Barrington punched the wall, “You’re not fucking pregnant by another man, Perri! You are my wife and that’s my baby you’re carrying, so I don’t wanna hear that damn shit from you. We’re not talking about the next man’s baby, we’re talking about mine. And I would stomp a fucker into the ground if you were standing here telling me another man touched my wife.” “You fucking hypocrite!” she shook her head wild-eyed at him. “No, Perri, I’m an honest man, and you need to remember I didn’t sleep with Nia, which is exactly how you’re making it sound. I didn’t roll out on you and into another woman’s bed so don’t come at me that shit. I’m not guilty of doing dirt because there was no creeping in the

dark by me. This shit involves extenuating circumstances; I’m a victim of the circumstances just like you, no more, no less. Nia doesn’t get to win unless you let her.” “Nia has been winning with you since the day I gave you my virginity, so don’t you hand me that shit, Barrington. And like I said, you’d be singing a brand new tune if there was another man in my life to speak of. Hell, I almost wish there were just so you’d see how I feel.” “Well, you heard what I said, Perri,” Barrington fired back without pause. “I better not ever catch you in the arms of another man, because that will be the day when I catch a case and I’m standing in front of the judge wondering who’s gonna raise my kids.” He shook his head. “It’s stupid as hell for you to even fucking compare the two situations. I mean, really, you’re actually trying to compare Nia as opposed to some damn nonexistent man? Seriously, Perri, that’s what you’re going with?” “And you’re a damn fool if you think this shit is gonna work itself out, Barrington. And you’re a jackass, if you got the nerve to think I’m gonna sit around here while you go play nursemaid to your housekeeper. And you’re a lowdown, trifling, dirty dog, if you expect to come back to my bed after all the unnecessary changes you’re taking me through. My kids and I won’t be here when you get back, and don’t you even think about coming after us, because I’m going to get a restraining order against you this very day. And since you so good at taking care of the help, you let Nia help you keep your bed warm from this night on. And

there will be no reversing the situation, because I promise you I will not be back next time.” “You’re not keeping my kids away from me, Perri. You tried that shit before; I dare you to do it again, because I will not be responsible for my actions if you do.” “Are you threatening me?” “To the same extent that you’re threatening me,” he said, hoping to get through to her. “You know what, Barrington? Some decisions change everything forever. I hope you’re prepared for the fallout.” “Hell, Perri, I wasn’t prepared for any of this madness. I didn’t sign up for none of this shit. But it is the reality I’m facing. And because you said ‘I do’ to me, you’re facing the same reality, too. So I suggest you put your big girl panties on and let’s deal with this shit storm head-on as the married couple we are.” “Well, for your information, when I agreed to marry you, fool that I was, it was for Imani’s sake only. So technically, I didn’t sign up for none of this shit, either.” They stared at each other until Perri began rubbing her belly and back and had to take a seat. “Baby, are you all right?” “Don’t talk to me,” Perri hissed, taking slow, deep breaths. “You're not being fair, Perri, and I know it's only because you're not thinking straight. As a matter fact, at the moment, you're not yourself at all, baby.”

“You're wrong, Barrington. I'm the same me I've always been. And if you weren't so caught up in that evil woman's bitter lies and tangled web of deceit, you just might be able to see that for yourself.” “It's an innocent baby, Perri,” Barrington said softly, dejection set in his tone. “What am I supposed to do with that, Barrington? I mean, you got all the answers right? So what the fuck else do you want from me?” She bent forward from a sharp pain in her abdomen. “Perri,” Barrington knelt down in front of her, his hands on either side of her forearms. “Get your damn hands off of me,” she shook him off. Barrington was taken aback, unable to hide the pain of his wife’s outright rejection. “All I want from you is for you to answer my damn question. What do you want from me?” “To care, Perri,” Barrington said heatedly. Why didn't she know that? Rising to his feet, he placed some much needed distance between them as he deliberately crossed to the other side of the living room, where he stood watching his wife through hooded eyes. When Perri only glared at him, he offered, “I'll be back, Perri, just let me go see about Nia.” Shaking his head, he told her, “She doesn't have any family here, or I would call them myself to go take care of her needs.” “That's not my fault.” Barrington sighed tiredly. “I know it's not your fault,

Perri.” “It's not your fault either, Barrington.” “No, it's not,” he agreed. “Baby, I'm only trying to get you to see it through her eyes. She knows she's never going to have me; she's all alone and—” “Then she should go back to her own home across the border, or wherever in the hell she came from, I honestly can’t really be bothered to give a damn,” Perri snapped, pissed off by what she considered Barrington’s unnatural concern for Nia and her well-being, or not so well-being. Whatever. Perri didn't care; he had no business going to her for any reason. Period. Nia wasn't his wife she was. But if her husband dared to walk out that door, even her marital status would change in an instant. He could believe that or not, because there was absolutely no controlling the damage to her broken heart that he just singlehandedly caused. Perri swiped angrily at her tears, determined not to shed another tear over the two people in this world who have destroyed her heart and devastated her self-image more than anyone else could ever hope to do. “After all that I have been through at the hands of you and Nia, Barrington, I don’t owe either one of you a damn thing, least of all my understanding, and certainly not my loyalty.” “Perri, I can understand why you'd feel that way.” “Then you feel me when I say, if you go to her, you stay with her.” “Perri, you're hurt—”

“Yes, I am hurt, Barrington. You feel my hurt, right?” She blinked rapidly, and angry, hot tears seared her face again without her permission. “So, you understand, if you leave here, if you go to that woman's side,” she shook her head as her bottom lip trembled, somehow, feeling in her spirit what he'd choose—had already chosen in his heart, “you don't need to bother coming back because my arms won't be open to welcome you in.” Perri doubled over in pain, willing herself to calm down for the sake of her unborn son. Automatically, Barrington started toward her again, and just three paces from her, froze when she raised her right index finger halting him where he stood. The only reason he didn't ignore her gesture of warning was for the concern of his unborn son, and most of all, for his wife's momentarily unstable well-being. But God, how it ripped his heart out to not touch her. “You don't mean that, baby.” God, please don’t let my wife mean that. “Oh, yes,” Perri looked around her wildly, seeing the closest object to her was the lamp on the end table which she snatched up and threw across the room, where it shattered on the floor. “Yes, I do, too, mean that.” With much effort to ignore the stabbing pains in her abdomen, Perri pulled her body to an upright stance and glared hatefully at the stranger before her. She jutted her chin defiantly. “I mean it, Barrington. If you're going to Nia it will be without my blessing.” “Meaning what?” His heart hammered in his chest and he could hear it beating in his ears.

Perri sucked in a breath, determined he wouldn't see her falter. It took every ounce of strength she could gather together from the quaking storm brooding inside her, but she knew she had to be strong, for her kids, as well as herself. She had to be. Didn't she? When she was fairly sure her voice wouldn't betray her with a crack, Perri said, “I’m going to pack everything I own and get the hell out of your house for good. I will not step foot back into your house again. I will not let you back into my good graces or my heart a third time, Barrington Rashaad Knight.” Barrington stared at Perri, as hurt infiltrated his spirit, piercing his very soul. She'd just punctured his heart, refusing to administer CPR on the wounded organ beating ferociously for her inside his chest. His wife's words defeated him in a way she'd never know. Or did she know? He wasn't sure of anything anymore. All Barrington knew was that his world was about to crumple underneath him, again. And again, he'd be powerless to stop the fallout of the aftermath once the storm was over and the dust had settled once again into the lives of his children and now, thanks to Nia, his possibly ex-wife, the woman he loved with every ounce of his being. As he watched Perri struggle inwardly for the courage not to fall apart in front of him, Barrington knew he was looking at a pillar of strength that he could only call his virtuous woman. His cell phone rang. He knew who it was without looking at the display screen. Out of respect for his wife he turned around so Perri

wouldn’t have to watch his face as he answered the call of the woman she despised like no other. “What, Nia?” he barked into the phone. “By now you could have gotten an ambulance to the hospital. I’m on the way now.” He resentfully disconnected the call. Barrington inhaled a deep breath and turned to find an empty spot where his wife had been standing.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO The following day, Barrington sat in the hospital lobby, slumped forward, his head buried in his hands; he cried again for the loss of his son. After he'd left home yesterday, Perri had gone into labor. He had no idea until after it was too late. Like a fool, he'd been in the delivery room with Nia as she gave birth to their daughter. What devastated Barrington more was the fact that he'd been the one to make the call without discussing it with Perri first. All he was told when they got to him was that the baby was breach and because they couldn't get him turned around without him possibly choking on the umbilical cord that was already wrapped around his neck, and his wife ended up having to have an emergency C-section. Perri had already lost a lot of blood. Everything happened so fast, it was touch and go, especially when she started to bleed internally which caused severe hemorrhaging, and she lost consciousness. It was at that point the doctor knew one of them wasn't going to make it and, it was left up to her husband to decide which one they would focus their energy on saving—like the other wasn't worthy of their time and medical attention, or something. Just like that, Barrington was told 'one of them but not both of them.' Either, or, like it was the most normal thing in the world being told you had to choose between the wife you loved more than life or the child you desired more than

your next breath. Barrington had been terrified he'd never see his wife alive again, so he made the only decision he could, choosing to save the life of the woman he loved more than life itself. It had been a hard choice, but he knew it was the only one to be made. What killed him was he wasn't permitted to be in the room with his wife as she gave birth, by way of C-section, to their stillborn son while unconscious. The ironic thing being that down the hall, Nia gave birth to their healthy baby girl. Life was so unfair to his wife. “B?” Crush knelt down in front of his big brother. Barrington just hugged him as violent sobs shook his body. When Barrington got his bearings and looked at his brother, he saw tears in his eyes. Crush pulled Barrington’s forehead to rest against his own. “I know what you’re going through, man. I lost a child, too.” “W-What?” Barrington stammered, dumbfounded by his little brother’s revelation. “A couple years ago, Journey was pregnant; we lost the baby.” Barrington blinked several times, fresh tears refilling his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “I was ashamed,” Crush answered honestly. “Still am. The point is, the regret you having I know what it’s like to have to live with it. You be a better man than me, B. You stick this shit out and ride the turbulent wave with Perri,

man. I wish like hell every single day of my life I could go back and get the shit I messed up with Journey right. I don’t think she’ll ever see me the way she did before our miscarriage. I’m lucky as hell she gave me a second glance, much less a second chance. Perri is mad as hell and she has every right to be. But she was there for me when Journey and I lost our baby. Being here for you is my way of paying it forward to her now for what she unselfishly did for me back then when she had no reason to hold my hand through my pain, loss and grief. You got a fucking gem in Perri, man. Don’t you dare lose your woman, B. Take my advice for what it’s worth to you.” “Thank you for sharing your pain, loss and victory with me.” Barrington hugged his little brother. “It’s worth more than the world to me, Crush. I love you, man.” “I love you, too, B.” *** Journey walked into Perri’s hospital room to find her best friend crying silent tears. She took off her shoes and without a word, she gingerly crawled into the bed behind Perri and held her friend as she continued to shed silent tears, knowing firsthand that words were not enough and yet they would be too much, if she could think of any to say. Recalling the anguish and sorrow that losing her baby had caused in her heart, Journey cried silent tears with her best friend.

*** “You stay away from my family, Nia, you hear me!” Barrington ordered. “You stay away from my wife and my daughter!” “Well, that's gonna be pretty hard to do, Barrington, considering I have one of your children too,” she had no problem reminding him. “You know what? That's neither here nor there. And I wouldn't be so quick to throw that up if I were you, considering you had yourself impregnated with my sperm without my consent or knowledge.” As an afterthought, he added, “And I can still have you brought up on charges for kidnapping my daughter and for stealing my sperm.” Nia lowered her eyes with undeniable shame. Barrington was only bluffing since his lawyer told him he couldn't bring charges against Nia for stealing his leftover sperm since she didn't actually forcibly remove it from his body. And really, it would be hard proving he didn't actually have sex with her at any time since knowing her. It was his word against hers, but Nia didn't know that, and he worked it to his advantage. Barrington thought about the little girl he shared with her, whether he wanted to or not. It wasn't her fault and he couldn't very well take it out on her. However, he was not going to stand there and let Nia twist this whole situation around to her advantage; there was no way he was going to

let anybody talk about his family, which now, thanks to Nia's deception, included his second daughter, too. As if she knew exactly where his thoughts had transported him, Nia smiled, saying, “Her name’s Jour’Darrien. I call her Jordy for short,” she explained. All Barrington could do was stare at her because what he really wanted to do was shake what little sense she seemed to have left clear out of her head. And since she was already in her own hospital room, she wouldn't have far to go for treatment. “Please don’t look at me like that.” “Like what?” Barrington’s voice was cold as ice and hard as stone. “Like you hate me, or something,” Nia said genuinely hurt by his reaction to her. This was not at all how she planned things to turn out between her and the man she loved and father of her beautiful baby. But there had to be a way to show Barrington she deserved his love not his hate. “How should I look at you, Nia?” Instead of answering, Nia swallowed hard, fighting back stinging tears. “I don’t understand, Nia. I’ve been nothing but good to you as your boss. What possessed you to do something so crazy to me and my family?” “You!” she shouted, tired of his ‘what about me’ routine. “I did what I did because of you.” “No, Nia! I’m not the one at fault here. I did nothing wrong, including leading you on. And, if I recall, I offered to

set you up with my cousin Kane. All I ever did wrong with you was try to help you out. So, you’re not gonna lay this mess at my doorstep.” “Sir, I—” “And since we apparently share a child together,” Barrington cut her short, “don’t you think calling me sir is a little silly.” “Maybe,” was all she said as a smug smile tugged at the corners of her ruby-red lipstick painted lips. Witnessing the beam in her eyes just pissed Barrington off beyond description. “Don’t get the wrong idea, Nia. I didn’t mean that in a good way.” “Of course not,” Nia bit back disappointment. “How could you mean it in a good way when all your thoughts are occupied by Perri,” she stated bitterly. “She is my wife, the mother of my children—” And to him that made her what? “So am I!” Nia screamed, frustrated. Ignoring her tantrum, Barrington told her, “Perri is the love of my life—always has been. And, Nia, she always will be.” There was nothing Nia could say to that, no way she could compete with the true confessions coming out of Barrington’s mouth. And the look in his eyes told her that he meant every word he said in reference to his feelings for Perri. That meant he had no room in his heart to feel anything for her. She was the same as she’d always been to him, which was just a nobody except for the fact that now

he preferred not to have any dealings with her at all, unless you count his obvious animosity toward her. And wasn’t that a bitch? But still, could she really blame him? “So, um, exactly where does that leave Jordy in your family tree?” Barrington snorted, not believing her never ending gall. “Exactly where you placed her, Nia; in a tough situation,” he said bitterly. “Which means what?” Tears filled Nia's eyes. “She is your daughter, too, Barrington. Forget about me—” “Trust me, I'm trying,” he interjected. “Don't take it out on Jordy, though.” Reaching inside the nightstand Nia produced a picture. “She's beautiful, just like you.” He didn't want to, but Barrington was compelled to accept the photo Nia extended to him. Tears stung the back of his eyes and he forced his emotions to the back of his mind. With all of his being he desperately fought the root of bitterness that tried to set up camp in his heart, knowing he needed to stay in control of the situation, lest Nia gain the upper hand. Staring at the picture in his hand, he had to admit Nia was correct. The little girl, his youngest daughter was beautiful; with the exception of having her mother's emerald green eyes she looked just like his first daughter, which meant she looked just like him. Barrington wondered how that could be when they had two different mothers, but he wasn't going to discuss that with the mother of his second daughter. But Jordy sure was a beauty. He smiled

in spite of the anger that still consumed him as far as Nia was concerned. “You're welcome to have a blood test, if you like.” Barrington glared at her. “I think we both know that won't be necessary,” he snapped. Nia nodded. “The offer stands just the same.” Barrington chose to ignore Nia this time; he needed time to think and he couldn't do it with her around. “I'll be in touch,” he said tightly through gritted teeth. Nia opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it, as she watched the man she loved turn to leave her hospital room. “Keep the picture,” she called after him. *** “Boy, what are you doing out here?” Mattie asked with her hands on her hips. Barrington looked up from the picture of Jordy he was studying surprised to see Perri’s grandmother was actually still talking to him. “Ms. Mattie,” was all he could say, his voice thick with unveiled emotion. “Tears are cleansing for the soul, Barrington.” Mattie held her arms wide open to him. “There’s healing in tears, son.” Barrington made short work of taking up residency in the older woman’s loving embrace, as he cried like a wounded, abandoned, frightened animal in the shelter of

her arms. Ten minutes later, Mattie asked, “You ‘bout done feeling sorry for yourself, son?” Barrington laughed in spite of the pain in his heart. “I love you, Ms. Mattie.” “I love you too, Barrington. You didn’t answer my question, though.” “Perri doesn’t want me around,” he offered in his defense. “Somebody gotta make the first move. Could you not be the first to bend?” Barrington laughed out loud. “Lord knows your granddaughter won’t be.” “Amen, amen, and yes and amen,” Mattie chuckled. “More times than not, I’d like to take Perri over my knee and give her a good sound spanking the way I did when she misbehaved as a defiant, strong-willed child. God love her soul.” “I’d pay big money to see that,” Barrington said and chuckled. “I hate having to ask you this, Ms. Mattie, but how is my wife doing now?” “She got a hole in her heart the size of Texas,” Mattie said honestly. “But it’s not your job to fill it up, son. That’s God’s place and only He can heal Perri’s broken heart. Deep down she knows that, too, Barrington.” “I don’t suppose you got any words of wisdom for me, Ms. Mattie?” Barrington laughed and didn’t know why. “Laughter is good medicine for the heart, son, so that’s

a step in the right direction.” “I guess. But, really, what makes it so ridiculously funny is how pathetic my life now is.” “You can change that outcome anytime you get ready,” Mattie said. “What you talking, Ms. Mattie?” he asked thoroughly baffled by her comment. “I hate to pull the age card, son; but you’re a good bit older than my Perri. I know you’ve experienced more of life than she has. My granddaughter tends to be on the naive side when it comes to how she believes life should work; to her everything is black and white and she leaves little if any room for any gray areas to exist. It’s her way or the highway.” “I won’t argue with you there, Ms. Mattie.” “Son, every choice we make always affects somebody else, and for every choice there is a consequence, because we reap what we sow, and there is no exception to that rule of life.” Mattie shook her head sadly. “Two years ago, Perri made a choice to withhold the truth that she was pregnant with your child. The consequences of her mistake are still being played out today. So don’t you let my loving, but foolish granddaughter bully you into accepting blame that’s not yours to own where Imani is concerned, son. I love Perri with all my heart and I’d die for her without pause. But I won’t deny her wrongdoing. And I have told her exactly how I feel about her deception toward you.” “I’m sure all that did was make my wife more pissed off

at me,” Barrington said dejectedly. Mattie chuckled. “Perri missed out on a lot losing her parents so young; all three of my girls did.” She shook her head. “There is no substitution for the hole in your heart that losing your biological parents causes.” Barrington took her hand and squeezed it lovingly. “Ms. Mattie, you raised an outstanding woman in Perri; she was blessed to have you after her parents passed away.” Mattie’s smile was sad. “No, son, you couldn’t be more wrong. I made mistakes where all my girls are concerned. There is no such thing as perfect parenting. You do the best you can with where you are and what you have to work with at the time. Then you pray; take your hands off the situation, and leave it in God’s capable hands the rest of the way. The definition of insanity is doing the same old things and expecting different results. But this one thing I know for sure; if you got the want to, God got the can do. The question is: how bad do you want it? Because the truth is, if you want something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done. You take your time and think about that, son.” Barrington kissed Mattie’s hand and nodded. Mattie chuckled. “Now, what do you say you take me to see my new great-granddaughter?” Barrington got to his feet, gently helping Mattie to her feet. “I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go, Ms. Mattie.” ***

“Son . . .” Bobby squeezed Barrington’s shoulder. All Barrington could do was cry as his daddy embraced him. “Why are you out here, son? You should be in with your wife.” “Well, I'm not out here because I want to be. My wife doesn't want me in the room with her. Not that I blame her. All I've done for the past year is, cause her more hurt, pain and suffering than any one woman should have the burden of bearing.” “What good is sitting out here having a pity party doing you?” “I don't want to cause Perri anymore pain, Daddy.” “Which means what, son? Because in a situation like this pain is inevitable.” “Right now, until she's had time to come to terms with the loss of our son, and that I made the only choice I could, I need to honor her wishes and stay away.” “I think you're making a grave and irreversible mistake.” Barrington shrugged. “Then it'll just be another one in a long string of many.” Changing the subject, he asked, “You wanna go see your new granddaughter?” Bobby couldn't help the grin that spread across his lips, as he nodded. “I wish I were going to see my new grandson, too,” he said, following Barrington to NICU.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE Three days later, Barrington waited until he walked inside his home and, unable to hold back any longer, he gave in to tears he'd tried so hard to resist. After what seemed an eternity, he pulled himself together. “What am I gonna do?” he asked of the empty space surrounding him, crowding him, trapping him. “God, I know I can't make Perri love Jordy; but I can't turn my back on my daughter, either.” He studied the photo in his hand again. It hurt to see her now, because no matter how she got here, she was part of him. A part he couldn't and wouldn't deny. He took a deep breath as Perri came to mind. How was he going to break the news to Perri? She'd already lost so much at Nia's hands. And now, so shortly after losing their son, Perri was going to have to deal with the reality that her husband shared a newborn baby girl with her sworn enemy. Life just wasn't fair. How much pain was his woman supposed to take? That was his last thought as he grabbed his keys, knowing he needed to be with his wife. “Ma?” Barrington was surprised to see her when he opened the door. “Were you going somewhere, son?” Linda asked sharply. Barrington sighed deeply, recognizing that tone. “Ma, I don't have time for this right now.”

“Make time.” Linda strode past him and to the living room, waiting for her son. As expected, Barrington closed the door and followed his mother. “What?” Linda glared at him. “First of all, change your tune, boy. I don't care if this is your home; you do not disrespect me with that tone. Frustrated, Barrington said, “So you want an apology?” “That's a good place to start. And I said cut the attitude.” “Sorry, Ma,” Barrington didn't have time for this, so decided to toe the line. “Apology accepted.” Linda took in her son's appearance and knew he hadn't slept or eaten in God knows when. “Barry, I know you love Perri, but son, you've got to take care of yourself before you can hope to be up to taking care of her.” “Is this what you came all the way over here to tell me? May I please go now, Ma?” Linda narrowed her eyes dangerously. “I said, you need to take care of you first so that you can go on and take care of your wife,” she repeated in a no-nonsense tone. Barrington rolled his eyes. “In case you haven't heard, Ma, Perri doesn't want my care; in fact, she doesn't want my love anymore, let her tell it.” Refusing to feel sorry for her son, Linda told him, “She's angry, Barry. You hurt her in a way that being a man, you'll never be able to understand, son.”

Barrington sighed deeply. “But I'm trying, Ma,” he snapped. “I don't get credit for that?” He was tired of being made to feel like the villain while Perri racked up sympathy points for her ‘what about me, what about me, what about me’ attitude, and he was sick and tired of it all. Sure he'd made a huge mistake; one that had cost him dearly. But hadn't he paid enough? Besides, it's not even like Perri hadn't equally made her contribution in the mistake department. So why was everybody up in his face, like her shitty, uncalled for attitude didn't stink? “She just lost her baby—” “It was my baby, too!” he shouted. “Or don't I get acknowledged for that, either? She didn’t make our son by herself; I did have a little something to do with it, too. Hell, she didn’t even want another kid, if you really wanna know the truth.” As quick as that statement left his loose lips, Barrington wanted to reach up in the air and snatch those careless words back out of the universe even quicker. “Ma, I really need to go now, you’re making me say things I don’t really want to say about my wife. I love my wife more than my own life and I would gladly die for her.” He couldn’t help the tears that rolled down his face unchecked. “I don’t mean to uncover Perri’s nakedness for anybody to see, not even you, Ma, and I know you love her, too. But the fact of the matter is I share the same grief as Perri for the loss of our son.” “Yes, Barrington, it was your son, too,” Linda acknowledged. “But that's not how you acted when it

mattered to your wife the most, son.” “Excuse me?” “Oh, boy, stop being so selfish and, for once, think about your wife.” “My wife is all I've been thinking about, Ma.” He sighed deeply, hurt at his mother's inaccurate accusation. “Since the day I entered back into Perri's life, I've been singlehandedly fighting for us, for our family. A family Perri fought tooth and nail not to be part of. So don't expect me to take all the blame; I accept my fair share, but no more than that, Ma. Perri has to accept some responsibility for her part in this mess of a marriage we've got now.” “You left her, Barry, to go be with another woman, who by her own trickery, gave birth to your child. A child, up until two weeks ago, you knew nothing about,” Linda reminded him. “So what, you have to do a little more work, boy? Isn't your wife worth it?” She lifted her chin. “Or is all that love you claim to have for Perri suddenly of no value anymore?” “I love my wife! And I resent the insinuation otherwise.” “And maybe, Barry, if you get rid of that resentment, which is nothing more than foolish pride, you'd actually be of some help to your wife now.” “You wanna discuss pride, Ma? Well, Perri has more pride than any one person is allowed in one lifetime,” he accused. “Once again, son, Perri just lost a baby. She has to go through this.” Linda impatiently raised a hand to halt his forthcoming argument. “Trust me; I know what I'm talking

about, Barry. My God I was her once upon a time.” Barrington whipped his head up at that comment. “What?” He was shocked as his mind immediately went to his brother’s confession. There were all kinds of skeletons in his family’s closet; and it seems all of them were choosing to come out of the closet and step into the light of day now. And how ironic was that when all he felt like doing was go hideaway in a rabbit hole? “That's right, Barry. You're not your father's and my first born. But you were the first baby I was able to successfully carry to term, that lived.” Barrington was speechless; he could only stare at his mother. “You and Crush had an older sister; she was stillborn,” Linda revealed. “And like you with Perri, your father thought I, too, should just 'get over it', but I can tell you firsthand it's just not that easy. It's a process to deal with grief. I had to go through it and Perri has to go through it. It's the only way, son. It's the only way, because as a mother who has lost a child, you feel what you feel, and those feelings can't be denied.” Barrington felt awful. “I'm sorry, Ma. I didn't realize.” He shook his head, still in disbelief, “If I'd only known, Ma.” “You would still feel what you feel, Barry. That's what I'm trying to get you to realize about Perri, son. You know all the pain she went through thinking you'd played her for a fool and left her the first time. You compounded that pain and magnified that hurt when you left her on her own just to go

be by Nia's side. And while that woman had successfully bamboozled you, as she set you up and gave birth to your daughter, Perri—your wife—suffered the loss of your son. Give her some time.” “How much time?” he wanted to know. “It's been two weeks, Ma. How long do I have to suffer?” Raising her voice, Linda said, “Once again, Barrington Rashaad Knight, I'm gonna warn you to stop being so selfish.” He looked at her surprised; she'd never talked to him like that before, made him feel so small, and Barrington hoped he'd never again be on the receiving end of this particular wrath coming from his mother. “You talk about how long you have to go through. What about Perri? That poor child was alone when she went into labor and she was alone in that birthing room when you decided to sacrifice your child in order to save your wife.” “I didn't know that at the time I left our house, Ma. How was I supposed to know she would go into labor that very night? She still had three weeks to go. And when I made that decision I honestly thought I was losing Perri.” “Because Nia had it set up that way; open your eyes, Barry. After all the traps and schemes Nia's put you through, you need to finally wake up and see your wife's point of view. Because through her eyes, your actions were not only a betrayal to your marriage, it was a betrayal to Perri's very soul.” Barrington opened his mouth to say something, but

quickly clamped it shut. “I just want my wife back, Ma,” he said after thinking about the things she said. “You're the head of the house, Barry. Be a man and get your house in order,” Linda firmly stated, refusing to give him any room for a pity party, lest he continue to focus on his own pain instead of his wife and what she needs from him. “By God's design, Perri is the weaker vessel, son. Be a husband to your wife.” She enfolded him in her loving, mother embrace, kissing both his cheeks. “Barry, Perri loves you; she's disappointed in you, but she loves you. For now that will have to be enough for you to go through this for as long Perri needs you to. It’s going to take as long as it takes, son. If you want your family back, you've got to realize your wife is worth the wait.” After seeing his mother off before Barrington could leave the house, his phone rang. He cursed and snatched it up. “Hello?” “Yes, may I please speak with Mr. Knight?” “Speaking,” he responded tersely to the female on the other end. “Oh, Mr. Knight, I'm Nurse Stevens, calling from Mercy Medical Center,” she stated. Barrington clutched the phone thinking Perri may've been admitted back in. “Is it my wife?” He hadn't seen or talked to Perri since she lost their son. Not because he hadn't tried to see her; on the contrary, he'd all but kidnapped her, trying to get a moment alone with her. But her sisters' weren't having it, refusing to let him within two

feet of his own wife. And out of respect for Perri's emotional well-being Barrington hadn't fought like he wanted to. “Is Perri okay?” Confused, Nurse Stevens said, “Sir, I'm calling on behalf of Nia Eusebio.” Barrington rolled his eyes at the mention of her name. “What about her?” He glanced at his watch; he really needed to get over to Perri's parents' home and, hopefully his two sisters-in-law would be out, which would grant him access to Perri. He really hoped Mattie were there, that way, he'd be guaranteed an entrance to see his wife. “Mr. Knight, I don't know of any easy way to say this; but Ms. Eusebio was rushed into emergency surgery just under an hour ago.” Concerned for his daughter, he demanded, “What for?” “Well, she started to bleed internally and the doctor couldn't stop her from hemorrhaging. Already too late, we discovered one of her ovaries was punctured during labor and we apparently missed it.” Nurse Stevens sighed sympathetically, “I'm sorry, Mr. Knight, but Ms. Eusebio didn't make it.” “Oh, God . . .” Barrington released a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. “You were listed as her next of kin; we need to know how you want to handle the situation. Of course, we'll need to perform an autopsy,” she informed him. “Then, Mr. Knight, there's still you and Ms. Eusebio's daughter to consider. As you know, she's a breastfed baby; we're bottle

feeding her for now, but since she has no other relatives to call, we thought you might like to—” “I'll be right there.” Barrington hung up and jetted to the door. Knowing his daughter needed him, he sped all the way back to Mercy Medical Center. He called his mother to meet him there. Then like clockwork, his mind settled on Perri once again; Barrington needed to be with his wife now more than ever and prayed it wasn't too late to reclaim his family. Jordy came to his mind and he prayed God would soften Perri's heart toward his youngest daughter. He had to.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR Sometime later that day, Barrington finally made it to his wife's parents' home. “How's Perri?” “How do think she is?” Hunter glared at Barrington, mad because she hadn’t checked the peephole before opening the door. “I guess I'm mud in your eyes.” He frowned, but refused to give up. “You think?” “Hunter—” “No, Barrington, save your poor excuses for someone who cares. What I care about is my sister and the devastated state of mind she's now in because of you, Barrington. You did this to her!” she accused, pointing her finger. “I know,” he acknowledged so softly Hunter barely heard him. “I want to . . . I'm trying to make it up to her . . . .” “Barrington, please,” Hunter rolled her eyes. “Make it up to her?” She was disgusted with her brother-in-law. “Just how you think you gonna go about doing that? Really, Barrington, how?” she demanded, feeling anger spread throughout her body. “There is no making this up,” she announced not caring how much her words stung him. Ashamed of his actions, Barrington looked down then back at his sister-in-law. “I don't know what to tell you,

Hunter. I honestly don't. All I can say is I love my wife and I don't mean to lose her if I can help it,” he vowed. “Well, you could help it, Barrington, by staying with my sister; being there for your wife, instead of off tending to the witch who set out to ruin your relationship with Perri from day one. And she didn't stop there; when she saw that failed, she set out to attack your marriage with Perri. And you,” her eyes raked him up and down, “you just let her do it, helped her do it.” An uncomfortable silence hovered over them. When Hunter could talk without feeling the need to spit in his face, she said, “So, dear brother-in-law, I don't know how you think you're gonna make it up to my sister, but I can tell you this. You're a long way from hitting the right spot to promote forgiveness in her heart.” Catching the tail-end of the conversation, Usher tried to rescue his brother-in-law from the lethal tongue that, even without being there to hear, he knew his wife had thrashed Barrington with. She didn't play when it came to her family. And Hunter being the most outspoken of the three sisters' had a way of using her tongue to back you in such a tight corner, you'll wish she'd just shoot you instead. “Hunter, baby, I wish you'd calm down.” Hunter turned on her husband, “Don't you tell me to calm down! I don't want to calm down! You need to be telling him to get out!” “Can't you see the man feels bad enough?” “No, I don't see that.” She looked at Barrington. “What I

see is a pathetic man standing here spouting out poor excuses which are really just dumb reasons as to why he came down on Nia's side instead of his own wife's. My sister!” “He made a mistake, Hunter.” “And you're making one by defending his sorry butt to me.” She glared at her husband. “Don't you dare take his side in this crazy mess that he helped to create,” she said. Her clear blue eyes flashed an angry warning. “Don't you dare take his side!” She all but screamed and stormed out of the kitchen. For a moment, Usher stood shocked, staring at his wife's back as she made a hasty retreat from the kitchen. Then as if remembering Barrington was there, he turned and shrugged at his brother-in-law with sympathy. “I gotta live with her, man, you don't. If I were you, I'd leave before she comes back.” “No, man,” Barrington said. “I'm not gonna run from this. She's right; I made this mess, now it's up to me to fix it.” Usher looked down the hallway and back at Barrington, “You sure about that? She's mad as a queen bee right now. I know my wife, man. And to be honest, where you're concerned, I don't sense any understanding from her in sight.” Barrington hesitated then decided, “Hunter's bark is worse than her bite.” “Except when it comes to her sisters' then her bite is worse than your hide can stand.” Usher let out a low whistle.

“You really don't know my wife, man.” “And your wife really don't know me when it comes to my determination to keep my family from falling apart permanently,” Barrington informed him. “No offense, man.” “None taken, man,” Usher said and grinned. “I admire your spunk, you gonna need it.” He chuckled. “The only man I know with balls enough to take Hunter on is me.” “Man, I'm prepared for her to rake me over the coals.” “Huh?” Usher laughed out loud. “Is that what you think?” He shook his head. “Man, that's way too easy for her. She's gonna drag you over the railroad tracks by your balls. Trust, I know my wife inside and out. She aims to put you out.” He proffered his hand. “Welcome to Club Hunter, man. I hope you brought your own bat because I keep mine exclusively for my use.” They shared a brief laugh before Barrington went in search of his sister-in-law. Finding Hunter on the terrace, he joined her. “We need to clear the air.” Without looking at him, Hunter replied, “Yeah, well, it's not enough air out here for both of us to breathe, so . . .” Barrington folded his arms across his chest with a dogged expression on his face. “I'm not leaving, Hunter, until I talk to my wife,” he promised. “If that means going through you then that's what I'm here to do. But understand this: no one including you is gonna keep me away from my wife, and considering she's married to me, I have more rights to her than you do. Do the words leave and cleave

sound familiar to you, Hunter?” Unable to help it, she smiled inwardly. He was good, Hunter thought, but I’m better. Like a well-versed professor, she flipped the script, using his words to ensnare him. “Oh, dear brother, you shouldn't have taken it there. But since you did, allow me to finish it. You see, the words leave and cleave do go together. And Perri did that. It wasn't easy for her, but she did it. But you better believe it took me and Madear staying on her case for her to even reconsider giving you the time of day. So if I were you, man, I wouldn't be standing there all cocky acting like you done put in a full day's work. “Your load was not that heavy that you couldn't have taken the same kind of vow and stuck with it for her. Perri said it wouldn't work, that you were too selfish, and I, fool that I was, took up lobbying your case. I told Perri that she was wrong for keeping you in the dark about Imani, and that still holds true. But now, I can kind of understand why she felt that way back then. And if given a chance to go back, while I'd still encourage her to let you be part of Imani's life, I would beg her to keep the door of her heart closed to you and the damage you could do.” “I tripped up, Hunter—” “No, you fucked up when you decided to say screw your marriage, and that's exactly what you said, Barrington, when you left your clinging wife's side; left her to take up with that nut case Nia.” Barrington resented her choice of words. “I did not take

up with Nia,” he grated through clenched teeth. “And I did not leave my wife. I did not, could not, and would not roll out on my wife like that. Never!” “And yet when she needed you the most you weren't there, now were you, Barrington?” Hunter tapped his forehead hard with her right index finger. Scrambling to keep his temper in check, Barrington reminded himself that this was not only a woman, but it was Perri's sister. However, he did warn her, “Don't do that again, Hunter.” “Or what, Barrington?” she demanded. “What are you gonna do?” She pushed up the sleeves on her Cardigan. “You want a piece of me? Because right now, Barrington, I definitely wanna deck you.” Because he knew this was no time to step out of line, Barrington fought to keep a straight face. But something about seeing a big time top runway fashion model ready to throw down with her fist made him laugh out loud. And he continued to laugh until Hunter realized how ridiculous she looked as well, and started laughing, too. After about five minutes or so, Hunter playfully punched his shoulder, saying, “Don't be laughing at me when I'm trying to be mad with you, boy.” Catching his breath, Barrington said, “Feel better, sis?” “In a sense, yes; but in a bigger sense, no, and I won't feel completely better until my sister does,” she told him honestly. “Barrington, you really did a number on her this time. I mean, you hurt her more than the first time you guys

were separated.” She shook her head. “I hate you broke Perri's heart like this, man.” “I hate it too, Hunter. I swear it wasn't my intention to do so. I was just trying to do the right thing and take responsibility for Nia being in our lives in the first place. Regardless of how Nia got herself pregnant, Hunter, she was carrying my child.” Barrington shook his head. “I couldn't just turn my back on that. I don't expect you to understand, Hunter, but I just couldn't make myself do it.” “Why not, Barrington?” she wanted to know because she didn't see the logic. “You don't know what it was like for me finding out about Imani the way I did. It took something out of me, Hunter, something I can't get back. I lost out on the time Perri was pregnant with my baby. I didn't get to go with her to doctor appointments, viewing ultrasounds to see my daughter in her embryo form. I didn't get to attend Lamaze classes with the woman I've loved since the first time I laid eyes on her.” Barrington couldn't and didn't try to disguise his emotions. “Hunter, I missed my own daughter's birth. I was supposed to be the first man my baby girl saw, the first man to welcome her into the world. I was supposed to be the one to cut the umbilical cord. I didn't get to hold my minute old squirming baby in my arms, hear her first cries, inhale and memorize her natural baby scent. Damn it, Hunter, Perri robbed me of all that, and more than any of you could ever know! There was no way I could miss out on another

one of my kids being born into the world, Hunter. There was no way. It just wasn't . . . .” For the first time since he first found out he was Imani’s daddy, Barrington broke down, feeling the loss all over again. Without another word, Hunter embraced her brother-inlaw and held him until his body stopped shaking from the tears that racked him. She cried with him and for him. She cried for Perri, for the birth and untimely death of her nephew. She cried for the poor baby girl who was innocent in all this, but looked guilty as sin. She cried for the bitterness she felt towards Nia and her hellish actions. Hunter cried for the rift that was finally repaired between her and her brother-in-law, whom she’d come to love with all her heart. *** Nails posed to strike her brother-in-law’s face, Tyler met Barrington at the bottom of the staircase landing. “Where do you think you're going?” she hissed at him. Hunter was right behind him. “It is okay this time, Tyler.” Her sister glared at her like she'd lost her mind. “Tyler, they really do need to talk, hon.” Raising her head defiantly, Tyler announced, “You hurt my sister.” Barrington nodded.

She sucked in a breath that did nothing to calm her agitated nerves. “Don't do it again,” she warned with a single accusing finger.” “I'll try my best not to.” “No, Barrington, that's not good enough. It's not a request, it's a command.” Her honey-nut colored skin seemed to produce steam and her light gray eyes narrowed at him. “I said don't hurt my sister again, and that's exactly what I mean. So, if you don't think you can handle the assignment, don't even think about climbing our stairs and going into her room. If you're not here for the long haul this time, if you not gonna stand by her side from now until eternity, then you stay away from her, Barrington. I will not allow you to hurt my sister, break her heart a third time.” Coming closer, she stared up at him, “You hear me, man.” Only when Barrington acknowledged out loud, “I hear you, little sister, and I understand,” did Tyler step aside. He took the stairs two at a time. Perri could feel her husband’s presence before she heard him climbing the stairs and prayed for strength to deal with him, knowing he wouldn't leave without having his say. Barrington slowly turned the doorknob, stuck his head in the doorway. He was not prepared for the sight that his eyes met, as they examined Perri's body from head to toe. He had to remind himself to breathe, looking at his sweet Perri, the lost faraway look in her eyes, he knew without a doubt he'd messed up big time. He cursed himself

inwardly, at the same time praying he'd get through to her; hopefully she'd listen to him, though he didn't deserve it and could completely understand if she cursed him for all he was worth. And at the moment, in her eyes, he knew his value wasn't much. A distinct pain tore at his heart and he felt ripped apart. After a brief hesitation, Barrington said, “Hey, baby.” He swallowed hard. Unable to move, Perri stared at him. The sight of him made her sick to her stomach, and at the same time, she wanted to run into his arms for the comfort she knew only he could provide. She felt worse than hell, and at the time, she knew she looked a pure-d mess, and probably smelled worse since she hadn't bothered to bathe in two days. Barrington cautiously entered the bedroom, made his way to the bed where she lay. His heart broke watching his wife's body so limp . . . so lifeless. She was frail as any helpless elderly person he'd ever seen. Even in the queen size bed she looked small to him. He knelt before her. Chocolate brown eyes met and held the gaze of longing eyes the color of yellow-green. Through their eyes they were watching God. To Perri it seemed all hope was lost, and now they'd have to part. She wanted to turn her back on him like he'd done her. Her body betrayed her and she couldn't move . . . could barely breathe, without wanting to run to him. So much for a will of my own, she thought bitterly. But did she really have enough love to keep holding on?

Barrington's hand shook as he gently laid it on Perri’s stomach, causing her to recoil like he was a rattle snake. She witnessed the hurt and fear in his eyes but didn't care. He deserved to feel bad and she hoped he felt worse. He placed his hand, which was now steady, back on her stomach. Perri didn't have the energy to shake him off a second time, so she tolerated the feel of his hand, as he gently rubbed her belly in soothing circles. She resented the fact that she wished he was trying to turn her on. Why did she even still want him after what he did? How could she even still melt underneath his touch, whether with his eyes or with his hands? She wanted to throw up, but all she could feel was his love for her and the son they'd lost. Unable to stop herself, she cried. Perri couldn't stand his gentleness anymore, pushing his hand off her belly. “Baby . . . I'm so sorry.” Barrington sighed heavily. “I'm so sorry.” “Get out,” she commanded on a sob. “Perri, I can't do that,” Barrington said calmly. “Haven't you caused me enough loss and pain in one lifetime, Barrington?” “Yes,” he admitted. “And you're not satisfied? You have to cause me more?” He shook his head, no. “Answer me, damn you,” she demanded on another broken sob.

“I don't wanna hurt you, baby.” “What then, Barrington? Why are you here?” “You won't come home, Perri, so I came to you. Baby, we need to talk.” “I don't need another long talk about what's wrong with you and me.” “Then maybe you could just listen to me.” “And I don't need another conversation about the way we're supposed to be.” “Baby, emotionally, I see you're gone from me. I'm here to bring you back.” “Then you also see, after everything I've been through, I don't have to just 'get over it' just because you want me to.” “Baby, I know I hurt you bad. The decision I made, it cost you dearly.” “We don't have a baby anymore,” she blurted, “if that's your concern.” Tears came to his eyes. “I know, baby. But I need you to understand.” “I understand, Barrington, more than you know. All I know is life is precious. Birth is about life; it represents new life. That's what I know and that's what I understand. What you don't seem to know, understand or even care is how hard it is for me to live with the fact that I gave birth to someone that was already dead. Not because he had to be. Oh, no. It was because you chose to let him die and not me. How—” her voice cracked, she sobbed and sniffled for

a moment. “How could you make such a stupid decision? You had to have known I would want my child to live, even if I had to die to make that happen.” Barrington lost it, “How could you ask me such a stupid question? Baby, you had to have known I would not let you go that easy. Perri, that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but it wasn't much time; a decision had to be made and I couldn't look back.” Fighting back his emotions in order to deal with hers, he said, “Perri, you, I already knew and loved. Our baby, though I loved him, I hadn't gotten to know him yet.” “And thanks to you, you never will.” He ignored that remark, determined to fix things with his wife. “Which meant my loyalty was to you; I bonded with you and made a vow to you, Perri, to keep you, love you in sickness and in health 'till death do us part. You didn't have to die, baby, and I wasn't going to let you, knowing I could help you and I will never apologize to anyone for that.” “And you actually thought I would be okay with that?” “What I thought? Baby, I didn't have time to sit down and think. For the last time, baby girl, it was an emergency —your life was hanging in the balance.” Barrington shrugged indifferently. “But had I had the time to think, I'm sure I would have thought, Perri, that instead of being angry you're not dead, you'd grateful you were alive to still be a Mommy to the healthy child that you already have. You do remember Imani, right?” Perri rolled her eyes at him hard.

“So I . . .” “Chose your wife's life over your baby, yeah, I’m aware, Barrington.” She laughed and didn't know why. “Which is really absurd considering you left that same wife to be by your other baby's momma side.” Her stomach recoiled at the very thought; she could just see him, coaching that woman through the birth of their baby. The image was sickening. This time Perri did throw up . . . right down in Barrington's lap. “It's okay, baby.” Barrington brushed the stray strands of hair out of Perri's eyes as she lay back in the bed. “Be right back.” He went to the bathroom, washed up, and emerged with two cool, damp wash cloths; he laid one over Perri's forehead and used the other to clean her face up. Barrington had stripped down to his briefs. Damn if she didn't feel a tingle in her lower region. Perri quickly checked her body, forcing it to be still and understand she was in charge. However, her heart turned against her, softening toward him when she glimpsed his red-rimmed and swollen eyes. He'd been crying. She hadn't noticed before; it bothered her that she cared now. “Baby, I know you aren't eating and I know you need to.” Barrington knew he was babbling, but he needed communication between them. He felt Perri’s pain and it almost knocked the wind out of him. “I'm sorry, baby. I hurt you. I'm so sorry. I wasn't there for you and our baby when I swore I'd take care of you both.” Tears flowed down his face and he closed his eyes at the onset of the tremendous

heartbreak. “Now our son's gone. God, If I'd only known what would happen, Perri . . . but I didn't know, baby, I didn't know. Or I swear I'd have never left your side.” Whispering, “Déjà vu,” she looked at him. “We've been here before. Frankly, Barrington, I'm tired of visiting this place; too many pain-filled memories; too much heartache to take.” Perri turned away. “I wanna go home.” Barrington was hopeful. “I'll take you, baby.” “You can't take me home; you don't know the way to heaven.” Barrington felt like he'd been sucker-punched in the gut. He struggled to breathe normally, but his heart accelerated faster than the normal pace. “Baby, you can't mean that you . . . .” He couldn't even finish the thought, much less say the words. “You can't, baby. Sweet Perri, you're too precious to go out like that. I know you miss our son, I do, too. But, Perri, we've still got a daughter to think about and she needs you . . . I need you, baby. My family is my world,” he announced to no one in particular. That made her angry, Perri turned to face him. “Well, you sure didn't think much about caving your world in when you left me to be with that despicable woman. It doesn't matter that she was carrying your child; it was without your knowledge or consent. Why are you even here now? You should be at the police station pressing charges against her for stealing your sperm and having herself impregnated with it!” The very thought of such madness made Perri

throw up again. And Barrington was right there, cleaning her up . . . taking care of her . . . angering her. “There's something else we need to discuss, Perri.” She promptly showed him the back of her head. He ignored her get-out-of-my-face body language. “About Nia—” “I don't wanna hear anything about that woman, Barrington!” “Baby—” “No! I mean it, Ba—” “She's dead, Perri,” he rushed the words out. What? Wait. What? “W—what?” she stammered, turning to face him again. Barrington blinked back tears. “She died, Perri. There was some kind of mishap with her ovaries; they punctured without the doctor knowing it. I don't know. But she died.” For the next twenty minutes, Barrington tried to explain to Perri how even in the end, Nia had tricked him into coming to her aid. Told her how Nia had planned the whole thing months in advance. “Apparently, Nia’s pregnancy was considered high-risk because she was borderline diabetic and was prone to bouts with high blood pressure. Baby, she lied to her doctor leading her to believe that I was her fiancé and I spent a lot of time on the road. But that I intended to be there for the birth, and she and I had already decided that if it came down to a choice between mother and child, we were going to choose for our baby to live. Like that was the noble thing

to do or something, I guess, I don't know. But, anyway, because of my stupidity, her plan worked like an ace of spades; that is until her house of cards came tumbling down, leaving a rippling domino effect in her quake. Because I'm sure Nia never actually thought anything would happen to her, taking her away from the baby she so desperately wanted and believed she deserved.” Barrington went on to tell her of Nia's will that she specifically stated she wanted him and his new wife, Perri, to raise her daughter, whom she'd already decided to name, JourDarien, Jordy for short. He made the fatal mistake of asking Perri how she felt about it. “Baby, do you think you can help me raise Jordy?” “Hell, no!” Perri yelled, her body shaking with each word. “I will not, could not, I would not ever raise that woman's baby!” “What about my baby, Perri? Jordy's my baby, too.” It suddenly dawned on Perri his motive for being there. “That's why you're here,” she accused, “to get me to raise that heifer's baby.” She was livid. “It has nothing to do with your concern for me; you're just concerned about finding a replacement mother for your kid.” She glared at him. “Well, Barrington, I’m not the one, so you can just get the hell out!” Perri shook her head. “I'm not trying to hear that nonsense, or shall I say madness.” “Perri, haven't we lost enough innocent babies here?” Barrington regretted the comment when he saw the pain, hurt, and shame clouding his wife's beautiful chocolate

brown eyes. Then he glimpsed the anger, doing his best to brace himself for her rage that, like clockwork, was sure to follow. He was right, too. Perri cursed Barrington for all he was worth, which, at the moment, wasn't much in her eyes. She let out so many expletives, she scared herself. She wanted to kill him. She wanted to raise Nia from the dead and kill her. She wanted to tell their baby how much she hated her and her sorry, silly, psycho butt mother. She wanted to raise her son from the dead, take him and her daughter far, far away from Barrington. But there was nowhere to go, no place to hide that he wouldn't turn this earth upside down until he found her. At that moment, Perri knew the bittersweet truth. She was never going to be free of him. She tried to accept fate, telling herself it was her destiny. Whether she liked it or not Barrington was always going to be there, and she was always going be tied to him. And while she couldn't help that, she'd be damned if she was going to raise him and Nia's kid. Perri knew it wasn't that baby's fault. But you know what? Damn it, it was not her fault, either! That knowledge was slowly choking the life out of her. She started to hyperventilate, something she'd never done in her life . . . until now. She threw the covers off, determined to get the hell away from the man who caused her so much heartache. “Perri, stop,” Barrington tried to stop her from getting up.

“Let go of me, you bastard!” “Perri, damn it, I am still your husband, so if I have to have you committed to the psychiatric ward just to make sure you don’t hurt yourself or starve to death, I promise you I will do it.” “You cannot be serious?” “Try me, baby. You haven’t eaten in weeks, Perri. Do you honestly think I’m gonna let you slowly commit suicide just to spite me, or Nia?” “You are the devil, Barrington!” “I’ll be whatever I have to be to make sure you live, woman. Now are you getting back into the bed on your own, or do I have to call for reinforcement?” “I hate you! Do you hear me? I hate you, Barrington!” “I love you, Perri,” Barrington said, his voice cracking. “You go to straight to hell!” Perri meant to slap his face but she stumbled, tripping over the bed sheet gathered at her feet, and hit her head on the edge of the nightstand. “Perri!” Barrington made to catch Perri’s falling body, “Perri!” he shouted, tears clouding his vision, as he gathered his wife in his arms, determined to get her to the hospital before it was too late. “I got you, baby. I got you, sweet Perri.” How much more pain was she expected to take from this one man? That was Perri’s last thought before giving way to the darkness that was calling her name.

*** Three days later, Perri opened her eyes, seeing Barrington watching over her like a fierce lion. He leaned forward, smiling at her as he grabbed hold of her cold and limp hand. “Welcome back to the land of the living, baby girl.” Perri couldn't help smiling back. “Thanks, G-Man,” she said weakly. “May I please have some water?” That was music to Barrington’s ear. “You can have whatever you want, baby.” He happily got her some water and held her head up while she drank it. Perri was too grateful to be alive to fight with Barrington anymore. No, she still didn't understand what he wanted from her as far as his daughter, Jordy went. No, she still didn't have any intention of raising Nia's child. No, she wasn't over the loss of her own infant son. No, she would never be the same again. But in spite of it all, Perri just wanted to go home and finish caring for the baby she already had. Imani needed her and she needed Imani even more. And looking up in Barrington's yellow-green eyes, Perri couldn't and wouldn't deny knowing her husband needed her, too. She witnessed the love in his eyes, and her heart soared to the heavens. At that moment, Perri knew she had to go home with her husband, and together they had to salvage their marriage. It was going to be hard work, but she was up to the challenge. Bottom line, Perri loved her

some Barrington. *** Several days later, Perri was settled back at home with her family and friends hovering over her whenever she was awake. It didn't bother her, though, since she had missed them all like crazy during her stay at the hospital. She shuddered, thinking back on how Barrington told her she'd collapsed and went into a semi-coma state. Perri remembered saying she didn't want to live and just assumed her subconscious was giving her access to the power to make that happen, regardless of how hurt the people she left behind would be over losing her. But here she was back at home, very much still alive, taking care of Imani and her husband. And, somehow, by the grace of God, Perri even managed to hold Jordy just to give Barrington a reprieve whenever their family, their friends, or a hired nurse wasn't there to help him out. The man she called her husband had his hands full taking care of home, choosing to oversee and delegate the responsibility, if at any time it ever got to be too much for him. Perri still had some grief and major issues concerning Jordy to work through, but she promised herself she'd keep an open mind. Besides, whenever she looked into the little girl's emerald green eyes, Perri was secretly hooked. Every day it got a little easier to look at Jordy, feed her, cradle her,

rock her, soothe her without thinking about Nia being her natural mother. Of course, it just made sense to appoint Tina honorary godmother; after all, she was the only one who could explain to Jordy the person Nia was before she became so consumed with jealousy and envy. Everyone knew Nia was desperate to have Barrington's child so that she'd always have a tie to him. But only Tina knew the truth of just how bad Nia had wanted Jordy. And the truth was Jordy needed and deserved to have a full-time mother who wanted her, and would enjoy fulfilling that leading role in her life. It was also true Perri wasn't quite there yet, though she could feel herself inching towards it on a day-by-day basis. But no matter what, through it all—good, bad, and indifferent—Perri was proud to be Barrington's wife. With newfound energy, strength and vitality, Perri popped in her favorite CD, played her theme song, Purify Me by India Arie, and did something she hadn't done in way too long. Perri danced for the Lord until unspeakable joy returned to her soul. Barrington stood in the doorway watching his wife with pride and joy, loving her like he'd never loved another woman in his life, knowing God made her for him. He admired her from afar as she danced with all her might throwing her entire body, heart, soul, and spirit into every move to the point that, by the end of the song, she was laughing out loud, raising her hands and praising God. Knowing his wife needed this intimate time with the

Lover of her soul, Barrington quietly closed the door, leaving Perri to be alone with her Lord. Noticing her husband as he shut the door behind him, her love for him surged forward and Perri rushed to the door and flung it open. “G-Man?” she called to him. “Please don't go.” “Hey, baby.” Barrington smiled at the beautiful sight of his wife as his cock jumped with the urgent need to make love with and to his wife. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.” Perri held out her hands. “Stay with me for a little while.” Taking her hands, Barrington allowed his wife to pull him inside their bedroom. “I'm sorry, Barrington, for any pain I've caused you. Will you please forgive me?” “There's nothing to forgive, baby. I love you, Perri, no matter what. I know you've been hurting for a long time, baby girl. I'm sorry for my part in causing that hurt. Will you please forgive me?” Perri smiled and hugged him tight. “I already have, baby boy.” She looked into his beautiful yellow-green eyes. “You're my husband, Barrington. And I need you something awful bad.” She winked seductively at him. “Dance with me, G-Man.” Perri pulled him up. “You don't have to ask me twice.” Barrington crooned a beautiful ballad as he and his wife danced in sync with the beat of their hearts, flying high on the wings of love with each lyric.

“God, sweet Perri, I wanna make love to you.” “You just wanna get me on my back,” she beamed with unconditional love for her man. “Yes, guilty as charged,” Barrington said with no shame in his game. Lost inside his love, Perri melted in Barrington's arms. “Hit me, Barry.” Barrington captured his wife's mouth, devouring it while savoring the sweet honey dew he found inside. He made love to her mouth, mating with her tongue like it was the first time he'd ever tasted her lips. His chest swelled with more love for her with every moan and sigh that escaped from deep inside her soul. Perri broke the heated kiss, slowly undressed Barrington, and after allowing him to undress her, she led her husband to their bed, pulling back the covers. She slid inside and scooted over to make room for him. Gently pushing him flat on his back, Perri climbed on top of him and began a slow, deliberate, teasing game of lick, nibble and soothe as she kissed every inch of his bare skin. She enjoyed the pleasurable sounds he made every time her lips made contact with his sensitive skin, using it as motivation as she caressed his manhood before taking it into her mouth to take him to the land of sweet release. Not ready to come undone yet, Barrington switched positions, easing Perri backward and with the expertise she'd come to expect from him, he pleasured his wife with a variety of foreplay ranging from body massages and body

kisses to intimate finger play, intimate tongue play, and intimate mouth teasing, licking, nibbling and suckling of her bodily juices from the delectable sweet spot of her core. After his wife experienced a few mind-blowing orgasms, Barrington slowly began his escapade of loving her body from head to toe all over again. Perri thought she'd die if Barrington didn't join her soon. “Barry . . .” “I'm coming, sweet Perri.” Satisfied she was more than ready for him Barrington slowly entered his wife's wet and slippery sex, joining their bodies, creating a rhythm that was solely of their own making. Both shedding tears of joy, together in their undefiled bed of pleasure, Barrington and Perri made lyrical love with and to each other, sending each other over the edge separately and together, until so satiated with love, joy, peace and happiness, they both knew the other was healed inside and out. Not wanting to break bodily contact, Barrington and Perri slumbered deep while all wrapped up, tied up, and tangled up in each other's unconditional love.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE “So what are you saying, Perri? I should just throw Jordy out on the street?” “No—” “Turn my back on my own flesh and blood—regardless of how she got here?” “No B—” “What then, Perri?” he wanted to know. “Because you got me confused on this here one,” he said honestly. Perri folded her arms. “Are you gonna let me speak or was that just a rhetorical question?” Not amused he glared at her, “Don’t be cute, woman.” Shaking his head adamantly, he declared, “Now’s not the time.” “I’m serious, Barrington. You ask me questions then don’t give me time to respond just because it may or may not be what you wanna hear.” She took a deep, cleansing breath that did nothing to deter the feelings of resentment that had a hold on her. “Look,” she tried to explain, “I’m sorry you’re frustrated with me, Barrington, and I’m sorry that I’m as equally frustrated with you. But right now that’s exactly what I feel. For that I make no apologies because I feel what I feel and that’s real. Furthermore, Barrington, for your information, I was not suggesting you throw that poor child out on the street—” “Good,” he remarked relieved, “because she’s been

through enough as it is. To add to the pain and misery of losing her mom the way she did . . .” He shook his head. “I can’t do it, baby. I just can’t.” Searching her eyes for compassion, even a tad, he added, “I hope you can understand that.” “I agree Jordy shouldn’t have to pay for the crimes of her mother. Like you said, regardless of how she got here, she’s here. I know I have to deal with that and I’m trying, Barrington, honestly I am. But you need to understand that even though I know it’s not Jordy's fault, it’s also not mine.” Perri swallowed back the pending emotions welling up inside. “That may sound cruel; I’m not trying to be insensitive here. Just . . .” “Just what?” “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Barrington. I got a pretty good idea what you want me to do. But I’m not sure I can give you what you want,” she admitted to both their disappointments; but she had to be honest with him. It was the only way. Enough lies had been put out there to keep them both confused and, if Nia had had her way, those same lies would have also continued keeping them apart. “Perri?” “What?” “Do me a favor?” She nodded. Barrington said, “Tell me, as of this moment, exactly how you feel about Jordy.” Momentarily averting her gaze, she forced the rising

bile back down her throat. After a deep breath, she placed her right hand over her heart. “In here, Barrington, I know Jordy is your daughter; I know you love her and you want me to love her. In my heart, I know it's not her fault, her mother's actions and all. But you're racing a mile a minute; you're taking me too fast here, Barrington and, I'm just trying to keep up. Maybe not at the pace you deem necessary, but I'm trying to keep up That’s all I got right now.” Thoughtfully, Barrington took a moment to mull over what his wife said and truly tried to consider the position Nia’s deception had forced her in. But then again, he thought, wasn’t that exactly what she’d also done to him? Kind of in a way, he reasoned within, but knew all too well better than to let that thought slip out his mouth. His gaze fell on her and as he looked at her he wondered how he was supposed to get through to this woman whom he loved more than his next breath. Still, no matter how much he loved Perri, it wouldn’t be enough to undo all the damage that Nia inflicted on both of them; especially on the daughter she conceived without his knowledge or permission. He still couldn’t believe she actually went so far as to have herself inseminated with some leftover semen that she’d found in one of the condoms he used to protect Perri from an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy. That was just sick! And it was also surreal. At the same time, Barrington didn’t believe Nia should have had to pay the high cost of her lies through her own death. He pitied his ex-housekeeper as much as he

loathed her inexcusable actions. Barrington just could not wrap his brain around the fact that any woman would be so desperate to have a part of a man, any part of him—no matter if he returned her feelings or not—that she’d purposely go out of her way to do whatever she felt necessary to get what she wanted in spite of who it hurt. He knew that as far as he and Perri had come in terms of their marriage and friendship, they still had a long ways to go. And the circumstances surrounding his new child didn’t help at all. He wondered what to do, knowing there was no way he could not take Jordy in, even after his parents' offered to raise her for him. He couldn't do that. He was Jordy's sole survivor and she was his responsibility. At the same time, he knew to permanently take her in, Perri would definitely misconstrue as a betrayal to his sincere commitment to their marriage. Yet the truth kept forcing its way to the forefront of Barrington’s mind. In his heart he knew his youngest daughter deserved to know him every bit as much as his first daughter did. And he deserved to know her, too, and for that matter, so did Imani because whether anyone was ready to receive it or not his daughters’ though having different mothers, were still siblings, and sisters had a bond that couldn’t be touched. Perri should understand that as close as she is to her sisters. “Perri, you can't not want me to acknowledge my daughter or for Imani not to acknowledge her sister— because they are you know. Sisters, I mean. Do you want to

raise Imani to think it is okay to judge from outside appearances regardless of the fact that the one being judged was a victim of the circumstances they were born into?” Barrington knew he was hitting below the belt, he felt the blow his question dealt to his wife’s heart; he felt it in his own spirit, and it hurt to have to come at her this way. But at this point, he felt justified. Convinced he had to do something, try something, anything to keep his family from falling apart, and at the same time, find a way to add a new member to his already existing family circle, because he was certain together they had enough love to share with Jordy. At least he prayed that someday Perri would feel the same way. It would be nice if today were that day; but he’d take what he could get, what God was gracious enough to bestow upon him. Perri shook her head. “Why you gotta be so dramatic about everything?” “Because, Perri, dramatics seem to be the only thing you understand; at least where I’m concerned.” Refusing to let this go, Barrington said rather impatiently, “Now please answer my question.” “All right, all right. No, I don’t want Imani to disown her sister. Are you happy?” Unable to help the smile that spread across his lips, he said, “Very.” “And regardless of what you think I feel,” Perri continued, “I don’t want you to disown your daughter, either. I would never ask you to do that and I'd never be able to get

past the fact you did, even if you somehow could make yourself do it. I could never respect you if I knew you knowingly turned your back on your own flesh and blood.” Visibly relieved, Barrington felt the heavy load he was carrying lighten upon hearing his wife’s words. “Thank God,” he whispered. “You don’t know how glad I am to hear you say that, Perri.” Smiling, she disagreed. “I believe I do know, Barrington, because I can still recall you having the same reaction where our daughter was concerned once you knew she existed.” Perri couldn't help thinking back on the mistakes she made in the past. “I’m really sorry about that, Barrington. I was so wrong on so many levels for doing you like I did; you didn’t deserve it and I had no right to choose for you.” Ashamed, she lowered her head and admitted, “Guess I’m not so different from Nia, huh?” Before either of them knew it Barrington had gathered Perri in his arms forcing her to look up at him and shook his head in denial. “Don’t ever say that to me again, or for that matter, don’t even repeat those words to anyone. Baby, you are nothing like Nia.” “But you were angry—more than angry at me for not telling you about Imani.” “Yes I was,” Barrington admitted, “still it’s not the same thing in your case.” “But—” “No, baby, listen to what I’m saying.” He lightly kissed her lips forcing his self not to lay her down on the carpet

and make love to her until she knew in the depths of her soul that he would never place her in the same category as Nia. Perri had carved out a special place in his heart and no one would ever be able to fill the space except her. “I could stand here, Perri, and give you a million and one reasons why you’re not to be compared to Nia. The major and most important reason being, I wasn’t in love with her; I never even considered her on that level. I mean,” he tried not to sound harsh, “she was my housekeeper not the keeper of my heart.” He lightly tapped her forehead. “That would be you, sweet Perri. Now, always and forever,” Barrington confessed sealing his vow with a passionate kiss that sent them both reeling to and frolicking on the floor where they proceeded to make love to and with each other well into the night. *** Having lain there, contemplating her final decision, Perri spoke softly, “I give it all up,” as tears welled up in her eyes. Barrington who’d been nibbling her neck paused. “You say something, baby?” She nodded. “Yes.” Barrington wasn’t completely sure but thought her voice, though very soft, sounded as if she were crying, making him wonder if he'd hurt her during their intense lovemaking. Needing to see for himself, he turned Perri

face to him. “What’s wrong, baby?” he asked, his voice gentle as a baby's breath, while his concerned eyes lovingly inspected her naked body. “Did I hurt you?” Barely shaking her head, she said, ‘Of course not, GMan.” She smiled in spite of herself. “I can handle you just fine, thank-you-very-much.” Ignoring her humor for the moment, he pressed, “What then?” She took a while to respond thinking about how best to answer her husband. “Perri?” Barrington honestly didn’t know what to make of her sudden change in mood and it was really starting to scare him. He wondered if she'd decided to leave him over this whole Jordy issue; the suspense was enough to kill him. Detecting alarm in his tone, she assured him, “It’s not what you think, baby.” Somewhat relieved, he said, “Perri, talk to me. What’s going on, baby?” “As a family, Barrington, what’s going on with me is the best thing for us all.” New hope sprang forth inside Barrington’s soul as he sat straight up in bed and in one smooth move, sat his wife on his lap, looking deep in her beautiful chocolate brown eyes. “Are you saying what it sounds like you might be saying?” With a slight nod, Perri smiled. “I'm saying precisely that.”

Emotion filled Barrington. “You mean it, Perri? For real, baby? You want—” “To please God,” she interjected. “I give up all the animosity, resentment, bitterness, jealousy, hate and rage I felt towards Nia, so that I can help raise her and your daughter with the same love and devotion I do with our daughter. They are sisters regardless of how it came about; and they do deserve to grow up knowing each other, given the chance to have each other’s back, developing an even stronger bond than they already have between them. “And you, Barrington, you deserve to be a part of your daughters’ lives and have them be a part of your life without feeling guilty just because I’m not the mother of them both.” Framing his handsome face, Perri kissed his lips softly and said, “You shouldn’t have to choose between your wife and your children when together, under the same roof, we can just all be one big happy family.” Barrington could only pull her to his chest and hold her close to his heart as tears rolled down his face. He loved this woman more than life itself and he’d gladly give up his own life just to make good and sure she was alive and well. After several minutes, Barrington whispered a heartfelt, “Thank you, sweet Perri.” “You’re welcome, my one true love. And I do love you, Barrington. More than you could ever know.” “Oh, I do know, Perri. I’ve always known you love me— even when you thought I left you on your own. When I laid eyes on you again in spite of your cold treatment, I knew

you loved me. I know you’ll always love me, Perri, because I feel your love no matter where I am. I know you’re always down for me, you always have my back. And this just further proves it, baby!” They shared an intimate kiss that said everything else they couldn’t. “Thank you, Perri. You don’t know how much this means to me.” “You’re welcome, Barrington; I do know how much this means to you. But as I said, I want to please God; so while I’m glad you benefit from that pleasure, this is not at all about us, and, totally about Him. Barrington, what I’m promising to you . . . that’s what I give up for the Kingdom.” “Amen.” He smiled. “God is pleased with you, Perri. I know He is because He answered my prayer.” “He answered our prayers,” she lovingly corrected him. “Thank You, Jesus,” Barrington praised. Unable to take his eyes off Perri, he felt led to make love to his wife, again . . . naked and not ashamed. *** That night, holding his sleeping wife's warm body, Barrington lay wide-awake in bed, thinking about his sudden and seemingly too full life and felt he didn't have enough time to divide his attention among the tasks he knew he needed to be performing. He had been going back and forth all night toying with

the surprising thoughts that came to his mind and, not for the first time, Barrington seriously considered retiring from the R&B music scene. Having sang all his life—not all secular, of course, but still, he'd been singing all his life, making him wonder what he would do if he did give it all up. Granted, the early years of his life mostly consisted of singing gospel or a cappella and he had made his mark and done exceptionally well in that area of music; but as he grew older his heart had become the soulful and sultry sounds of R&B, so he honestly could not picture a life where he wasn’t up on somebody’s stage belting out lyrics, while couples made babies, listening to him and Crush on CD—where he all too happily—provided the background music for the sole purpose of ‘getting them in the mood’ so to speak. Lyrical love was the phrase that came to his mind, making him wonder if he could give his life to the Lord and still sing secular music. With so many questions and not one possible answer for himself, Barrington wound up being mostly confused. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed to keep him confused. Do I have to give up R&B to please God? Barrington wondered at the same time Perri turned over in his arms. Smiling big and bright, she snuggled closer to him like she wanted to step inside him or something and, Barrington just lost all train of thought as he proceeded to kiss his wife offering himself and giving her what he knew she wanted and needed from him at the moment. Truth is he needed it just as much as his sweet

Perri, if not maybe even more. *** “Baby, why you don’t backup dance for the locals anymore?” Barrington looked at Perri, a serious expression plastered on his face. “You and Journey, why y’all don’t still dance?” he wondered again. “Before when you were pregnant I can see why; but after you had Imani you never went back to dancing. Why, baby?” Caught off guard, Perri stopped sketching, looking in his direction. “Where did that question come from, Barrington?” He hunched his shoulders. “Just wondering,” he remarked nonchalantly. It was more to it that that but her spirit knew not to press. “Oh,’ was all Perri said, taking a moment to consider his question, then gave him her full attention. “You know, baby, after our parents’ died and Madear took Hunter, Tyler and me in, she said something very profound that none of us has ever forgotten.” Perri had to smile at the attentive expression on Barrington’s face as he watched and waited for her to continue. “After the funeral, Madear tucked the three of us in the same bed, because we refused to sleep apart,” she laughed at the memory. “Then she told us that everything in life happens for a reason, and, even though we were still too young to understand the reason why God saw fit to take

both our parents as the same time, we could rest assured that He doesn’t ever make mistakes. He knew what He was doing and He knew the circumstances surrounding the events that would take them out of here and away from us for good on this here present earth. “Tenderly and lovingly kissing each one of us on the forehead, Madear went on to ask us individually what we would give up for the Kingdom.” Closing her eyes, Perri recited Madear’s exact words, “Your Mama and Daddy were willing to sacrifice spending the summer with you girls' to obey God when He asked them to serve as missionaries in Africa instead. It made them sad that they’d have to leave you girls’ behind, but they knew you'd be in good hands with me; so after God confirmed His request of them, John and Mary prepared to carry out His wishes. Not because they wanted to be deep and spiritual; but because they wanted to please God. Your Mama and Daddy were willing to give up their lives for the Kingdom.” Then standing, Mattie looked down at each of her girls again and said, “What would you girls give up for the Kingdom?” And with that she quietly left the room. Perri opened her eyes and her gaze locked with that of her husband's. Trying hard to ignore his libido, Barrington took in his wife's appearance, proud that she still had that satisfiedmade-love-to look in her eyes. He looked at her tousled hair, tucked a strand behind her ear and held her closer, wanting to make love to her again. “And you said . . .?”

“All three of us were speechless for a long time. Then we each took a turn trying to think of what we would give up for God if He asked us to.” She smiled remembering, “It is funny, but we all had the same answer. We said we'd give up being mad that Mama and Daddy had to leave us before we were ready for them to go.” Perri shrugged, feeling hot tears stream from her eyes. “I guess you could say we gave up the only parents’ we knew and loved dearly. We let God have our anger, bitterness, resentment, pain, hurt, confusion and grief in spite of already giving up our parents’ for God’s Kingdom.” “It couldn't have been easy, baby.” “No, it wasn't easy for me, and it won't be easy for you, either. But I’m gonna be like my wise Madear.” Perri looked directly in her husband’s beautiful yellow-green eyes. “What are you, Barrington, willing to give up for the Kingdom?” Barrington considered it. “You think God wants me to give up R&B, don’t you, baby?” Perri shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what I think because it’s not for me to say. Therefore, I can’t answer that for you. Sweetheart, I can labor in prayer for you all day long—and I am always praying for you; but this is one cause you’re going to have to take up with God for yourself, because He’s not gonna reveal the answer to me. He’s going to reveal it to you, mighty man of valor.” “I appreciate that, baby. Really, I do.” Barrington shook his head. “But don’t you have a hunch or something . . . anything to help me go on?”

“All I know for sure concerns my own situation.” “Which is?” “After I gave my life to Christ, I knew I couldn’t go back up on that stage as a dancer, flashing my skin, wearing compromising outfits, if that’s what you wanna call them.” She shook her head. “God wasn’t getting any glory out of that and I was digging my heels deeper and deeper into my own self-made mess. I'm telling you, it was ugly as homemade sin; makes me shudder just to think about it. “I was up on that stage thanking God for allowing me to have the opportunity to dance, only to start shimming in some man’s face.” The whole scene disgusted her now. “How was that pleasing to God, Barrington? It would be like you and I going to watch our girls’ at a strip club.” Barrington glared at Perri. “Now you did not have to use our baby’s as an example.” “I imagine that’s exactly how God felt about me shaking my rump-shaker onstage for a bunch of horny males . . . and these days, females, too.” She chuckled. “Don’t put that image in my head, baby,” Barrington shook his head. After carefully considering his wife’s words, he admitted, “I guess you got a point.” He suddenly kissed her, needing to draw strength from her mouth. Hating to release her sweet tongue, he broke their kiss. “Music is my life, baby.” He looked at her as if searching her soul for answers she’d already told him she couldn’t provide. “I don’t know how to do anything else. At least nothing I wanna do as bad as singing and performing for a

live audience,” Barrington confessed. “I feel you, baby.” “Music is my life,” he repeated again to no one in particular. “Maybe that’s the problem, Barrington.” “Huh?” he was clearly confused. “You said music is your life?” “Yeah . . . it is.” “What if God wants to be your life? Period.” “You think so?” “God is a jealous God; He’s loving but He’s jealous when it comes to His own children and whom they’re trying to serve.” Barrington thought about it. “That could be, I guess.” He shrugged. “What does He want me to do about it? What did He tell you to do about dancing?” “That’s just it, Barrington. God didn’t have a problem with me dancing; He gave me the talent to do it. The problem was I wasn’t using my dance movements and abilities to magnify Him. I was up on that stage prancing around half-naked, gyrating my hips to the beat of the music. And yeah, I was feeling good and having a good time doing it . . . until I left the stage. Then I’d start wondering what in the world possessed me to go up there and do all that carrying on in the first place. It was pleasurable while I was doing it, but the moment I stopped, I became downright disgusted with myself.” She involuntarily shivered.

“Barrington, it was like I would appear as the main attraction on stage; the music starts and I'm racing out to take my position. The crowd is cheering and jeering loudly and I'm up there wiling out, rump-shaking, teasing the male audience with suggestive looks and movements. Then whatever male singer I happen to be rocking with comes over groping me and all my body parts from behind, dryhumping me in front of a live audience in a packed out arena full of strangers. Not that it would matter none if I did know them, but I mean, I'm saying, it was enough to give me pause, you know.” Shaking her head adamantly, Perri said, “It just didn't feel right, G-Man.” “I think I know what you mean,” Barrington said. “Because, baby, when I was out there on the road . . . this last time it just didn’t feel the same.” “Not the same how? Good or bad?” “I’m not sure, baby. It wasn’t like I hated being up there because I didn’t; it was like, well, like I needed more.” He searched her eyes. “Crazy, isn’t it?” “Not at all,” she said and smiled sweetly. “Sounds like you’re really starting to think about your long term future.” “Maybe,” was all he could say to that theory. “But, baby, finish your story.” “Well, I continued to dance even though I had no clue why I did when I was so full of doubt about wanting to do it in the first place. I started looking at it like: well, I’m getting paid, so I stayed.” “I never knew you hated dancing so much.”

“That’s because I didn’t hate dancing per se. I just wasn’t satisfied with the kind of dancing I was doing, that’s all. I was like, there has to be more to life than this bull crap. At the same time, my flesh wasn't ready to give it up.” “Oh, I see.” “Then there was you, Barrington; when I met you, I couldn't forget you. And you were the only male performer who didn’t look at me like I was his next happy meal.” They laughed. “What impressed me most about you was not your good looks.” “Oh?” he chuckled. “No. It was the fact that you never once asked me to come and dance for you, help you get your freak on, or any of the other madness most male performers are accustomed to and want. Most of all, Barrington, you didn't disrespect me in any way, shape, or form.” “Come to think of it, Perri, it never even crossed my mind.” “No?” “No.” Barrington shook his head. “When I saw you across the room before ever being introduced to you, I knew I wanted to get to know you, and I didn’t want it to have anything to do with you dancing for me, or anyone else for that matter. To tell the truth, baby, I was jealous every time you were up on that stage and I watched how those men of all ages were ogling you, checking you out and drinking in your every move. I didn’t even know you yet, but I

mean, I was jealous as he . . . uh, all get up,” he caught himself before he cussed. Perri laughed out loud. “Look at you now; trying to monitor your tongue and all. That’s so cute and I’m sure it pleased God that you even tried.” Barrington laughed. “Anyway, baby. Tell me what you did when you realized you didn’t like how you felt dancing after giving your life to the Lord.” “It wasn’t all dancing, Barrington; just the raw and raunchy kind. I still love to dance and I still do dance, as you know. It’s just I switched dancing partners. I no longer dance for the devil. I dance for God and I make sure He’s the one being glorified.” “Okay. I can understand that. But how did you make the switch, Perri?” “I was now someone’s Mama and I had to consider it this way: would I want my daughter up on somebody’s stage showing all her assets just to help some lust-filled soul get his freak on?” “No!” Barrington and Perri said at once. “Precisely, so really, Barrington, what choice did I have to make? As far as I was concerned it was not even a question. I knew I wanted to raise my daughter as what I considered to be right in my sight. To raise her right I had to do it God’s way. To do it God’s way I had to say no way to the worlds' ways. I had to stay on the straight and narrow path if I wanted to be pleasing in God’s sight—and I definitely knew I did want to. For me personally, that meant

dancing for the Lord if indeed I were going to continue dancing. So the first thing I did was pray about it. Then I had to wait on God to reveal to me His plan for my life, and it wasn’t an easy wait either, but it was definitely worth the wait; that much I’m sure of.” “Yes you were.” Barrington wrapped his arms around his wife’s waist, pulling her back against his chest. “But I would have taken you as you were.” He kissed her shoulder blade. Chuckling, she teased him back, “And you did.” “One of the best decisions I ever made, too,” he bragged. “Now, you got an even bigger one to make.” “Yeah, I do.” He kissed the top of her head. “Thanks for listening to me, baby.” “Not a problem, my love. I’m always here for you. Remember that.” “I will,” he promised. “So, what does your schedule look like today?” he asked to change the subject. Not to downplay what he’d said, but he was still confused as to what God wanted him to do about his music career, and frankly, he just didn’t want to put any more time into thinking about it right now. He would pray about it and then leave it in the Lord's hands, trusting He'd guide and lead him in the right direction. Barrington felt sure he'd know what to do exactly when he needed to know. Until then he'd just keep building his faith up.

*** In the wee hours of the morning, Barrington woke up, and didn't hesitate to wake Perri, too. Opening her eyes, Perri slowly smiled as she watched her husband through sleepy eyes. “G-Man, you can't honestly still be horny; I filled you up good.” Barrington laughed out loud, kissing her forehead. “Yes, baby, you did. But it's funny you should say that.” He grinned. “I know what God wants me to do.” Perri sat halfway up, leaning on one elbow as she peered into her husband's beautiful yellow-green eyes now dancing with delight. “What, baby boy?” “I don't have to stop singing; I just need to change the source I'm singing for.” Seeing the confusion in Perri's face, Barrington explained, “Baby, the music field is full of songs about being in love and the majority are from the secular field. But you only have a handful, if any that sing about being in love from a Christian standpoint.” Perri nodded. “Okay. I'm with you so far.” “Bottom line, Perri: Christian couples have sex because they need love, too. Perri burst into laughter. “This is true. Go on.” “And the truth is, as much as I love Gospel music, I can't get busy to This Is The Day. Perri covered her face, laughing her head off. Barrington pulled her hands from her face. “I'm serious,

baby.” She nodded. “I know you are.” She laughed. “It's still funny to hear you say it.” “See, and that's part of the problem. Christians, most of them, are closed mouthed about sex, when it's the most natural thing in the world—between a husband and wife, that is.” He grinned at Perri. “See, baby, I have been listening to the sermons in church and reading my Bible faithfully since I got saved.” “I know, Barrington. I'm proud of you, by the way.” She kissed his cheek. “You're my prime example.” “For?” “The point I'm trying to make.” “Which is?” “That peck on the cheek you just gave me.” “What about it?” “Baby, that wasn't nothing but a little tease.” “Excuse me?” “You heard me, Perri. Baby, all that did was make me want you more. I mean, I really wanna make love to you right now. Point is while a woman has to 'get in the mood' a man is always ready to make love to his woman. Look, baby . . .” Perri's eyes followed Barrington's and, sure enough, she saw that his manhood was standing straight up, commanding her attention. She looked back at him. “Believe me, G-Man, I see your point.”

They laughed. “Okay, so you understand that just because a man changes masters, he's still a man. And a man is a man is a man all day long. Perri, whether a man is a Christian or not, he still wants to get his freak on with his wife,” Barrington said, chuckling. Perri doubled over in laughter and Barrington laughed with her. “I'm laughing, baby, but I'm serious as can be.” “I know, Barrington.” She scooted closer to him. “So what are you gonna do?” “Before or after I get my freak on with you?” She laughed, playfully slapping his shoulder. “I'm serious, baby boy.” “So am I?” he assured her. “Before or after I get my freak on with you?” “After.” “I'm going to create love songs so that married couples can get their freak on.” He shrugged. “And because it will be anointed, Christian couples won't feel guilty about making lyrical love using it as the backdrop to get their freak on, too. Because Paul himself said it best when he declared the marriage bed is undefiled. To me personally, that means God isn’t mad at his little sons for desiring a wife with FP.” “FP?” Perri crinkled her brows. “Barrington, what does that mean?” “It means that even though a man gets saved and starts

living his life for God, the truth is that same sinner-turned Christian man still wants and desires a wife with 'freak potential' and, baby, that's on the for real tip. So since God already knows everything there is to know about mankind, really there's no need for men and women to keep their desires on the DL.” “And Lord knows, Barrington, you not on the down low about anything.” “But I don't mind going down low on you, baby. And you know this.” Perri laughed. “Yes, G-Man,” she agreed. Perri climbed on top of her man. “Care to give me a sneak preview of those anointed love songs you gonna create for Christian couples to get their freak on with?” She moved seductively over him. “After all, we are married and all, so I mean, our bed is undefiled.” “You don’t have to beg me, I'm always ready to freak you, baby.” After Barrington sang the lyrical song of his heart to Perri, his mouth met and devoured hers. From there, up, down, inside and out, Barrington did freak Perri. Perri tore her mouth from his long enough to whisper, “Hit me, Barry.” And being a married woman very much in love with her husband, Perri made sure she freaked Barrington, too, right into the break of dawn.

EPILOGUE Three years later “Come on, sweet Perri, one last push. I see the head. You can do it, baby.” Perri felt her vagina rip as she pushed her baby through. Barrington kissed her forehead with tears in his eyes. “You did it, baby.” Perri was still panting and breathing like she'd just run a three hundred mile marathon, only instead of a blue ribbon, she had a set of newborn twins to show for all her hard labor of love. “I wanna see them.” She smiled and laughed through her tears. “Let me see them,” she ordered. When the nurse placed both babies' on her belly, Perri cried, rubbing each one of their backs. “Thank You, sweet Jesus. Oh, my beautiful babies', Mommy and Daddy love you so much.” Barrington kissed the back of their heads which were both full of curly jet light brown hair. “Welcome to the Knight family, my sweet babies.” He watched his wife. “Perri, one has yellow-green eyes and the other has chocolate brown eyes. Any idea what we're gonna name them?” Nodding, Perri announced, “Noah Barrington and

Sloan Perri.” Barrington picked up Sloan as Perri held Noah. “Wait until Jordy and Imani see you guys,” Perri told their baby loves. “Thank you, baby for being the mother of all my children,” Barrington kissed her lips. “I love you, sweet Perri.” “You're welcome, G-Man.” Perri kissed him back. “And I love you more, baby boy.” THE END

FROM THE AUTHOR Greetings! Thank each and every one who took a chance on purchasing my first published novel, I appreciate it and you! I hope you enjoyed reading If I’d Only Known (Milan Women Series)! I have been writing since 1998. I wrote this book in 2002. Barrington and Perri’s story has lived in my heart and mind for a long time; it is a labor of my love, as all of my stories are, because as crazy as this makes me sound, my writing is my baby and my characters are my family and I love each and every one of them. Lol. That may have sounded cheesy but it’s the honest to goodness truth! At any rate, thank you for allowing me to share Perri and Barrington’s story with you, and for taking time out of your schedule to read it. If you have a free moment and would like to post a review at Amazon, I thank you in advance and I would greatly appreciate it, as it will help me to train in on how I can make my upcoming novels an enjoyable read for you. God bless you all! Love ~ C.A. Johnson P.S. I have several more Interracial Romances under my belt to be released soon! Please feel free to be on the lookout for the following novels (not necessarily in this order) in the upcoming months ahead: Choices (Savoy Brothers Series) Chosen Gifts

Crucifixion of the Heart Deck’s Long Haul (Savoy Brothers Series) Love Collected Journey Along the Way (This one is Crush and Journey’s Love Story) Shameless Attraction The Music of My Heart