Josh Waitzkin - The Art Of Learning

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I T H E FO JJ N DATI ON

I. In nocent Movo 2 . L ,sing

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Win

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5. Two App roa<.ht'>

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Learning

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Loving the G ame

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T h.. SllCr ZOll!'

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6. T he Downward Spiral

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7. Changi ng Voin'

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8 . Breakmg Stallions

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u M Y SE CON D AR T

9 . Begin nd s M ind In yestme nt io Los,

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11. Mak ing Smaller Circles

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12. Usmg Adve rairv

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1.'1 . SI"wi o,L; Do wn Ti me 14. T he Ill usion of the Mystical

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ill B R IN GING IT A I I IOC ET HFR

15. The Power of Presence

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16 . Searchi n,L; for the Zo ne 17. Ihll Jd ing Your Trigger

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18. ,Ma king Sandals

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19. Bri n,L;ing It All Tog t'rher

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20 Taiwan

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Acknc wlcdgmc nrs

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Abour rhe Aut hor

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I NTR OD UCTI O N

O ne has ro mvcsngare the principle

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l'vellt exhaustively . . . Th ing s and the setf art' go vefnoo

b y the same principle. If yo u understand one, you unde rsta nd the other, for the trut h wit h in and the truth witho ut are identical. _ E,

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Fi Nals: Ta j Chi Ch",m Pu sh #la nds World Cha m pi" m h ip s

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Taipei. Ta;" ""l fJ u em her 5, ! rl04

Fort)' saonds before round t U'I}. and f lll /yin[!, on III)' l;ark h)'inKIf) lmulhe. Pain all thro/l}!,h Ilk. DI/I:P breath. La it Ii!/. I 10'1)11', beablt to lift !II)' shoulder tomorrou ~ it Iron " heal for orer a year: hilt 'WI/'

iT pu" e,. aIn't. and J fixl the air I,jhmting ,lnmnd III(. fix Jtad l /l1/1 shakinr. u.ith rhann. i" Ma ndarin. IIIlt fir lilt'. Aly teammates are kmeli llf!. a hOI'f me. "John!!. u-arried. Thf:J m b IIi) a rms. my shOll/den. III)' legs. The hell rings , I hear Illy dad's una ill /he stands. * Wilhorn

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'C'n/rm J osh," G otta gtlup, J walfh III)' 0ppMmt Y1/11 to tht center IIf tbe rinK. Hescreams. p.plrKk. "Fhq tall hitu Buffalo. Blggl:r lhalllllt. JlrOllgtf. qNkk as a cat , Bm l fa ll lakt hilll-ifImakt it ro tbe middlt ofIIx ring withoutfallill)!, YI'I:r. I hat'e 10 dig ,lap. brin}:, it liPf rom jOlIJ;;ulJt;re righl 'lIIU~ 011,. UTISIJ 101lch. IIx bell rings. ,md he hill lilt likt a Mack lruek. W ho could have g uessed it would come to chis ? j usr a few years earl ier I had been competin g a round the wo rld in elite chess tour na m e n ts. Since I was eigh t years old , I had consis rcn tly been t he h ig hest rated player for m y age in [he United Scares, and m y life was dominated by com petitious and tra in ing reg imens designed to bri ng me into pea k form fu r [he next national or world cham pionship . I had spent the years between ages fifteen and eightee n in [he maelst rom of Ame rican media followin g [ he re lease of the fi lm Searchillg for Bobby Fheher. which was based o n m y d ad 's boo k about my early chess lift'. I was know n a, Amer ica's ,l;rea[ you ng chess p layer and was w id t hai it was my desuuy to follow in t he foorsreps of im morta ls like Bob by f ischer and Garry Kaspa rov, to be worl d cham p ion . But there were problems. After rhe movie cam e o ur I couldn't go ro a rournam e nr without being su rrou nded by fans aski ng for autograp hs. In Head of focus ing on chess positions , I was pulled in ro t he imag e of m ysel f a, a cdeb rity. Since child hood I had treasured th e sub lim e st ud y of chess, t he swim rhrough ever-deepe n ing layers of complexity. I could spend hours at a c hessboard and sta nd up from rhe expe rience on fi re wit h insight about chess, basketball, rhe ocean. psyc holog y, love, an. The g ame was exh ilarati ng and also spiri tuall y ca lm ing. It cente red me. Chess was my friend . Then, sudd enly, rhe gam e became al ien and disq uieting.

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I reca ll one tou rnament In La s Veg as: I was a youn g lnrernat iona l Master in a field of a t housand corn peritors incl ud ing rwenry-six st rong G rand masters from around the world. As an up -and -com ing player, I had huge respect for t he g reat sages aro und m e. I had stud ied their masterpieces for hundreds of hours and was awed by t he umsrry of t hese men. Before first-ro und play began I was seated at m y board ,
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game, but there was no escapi ng the spotlight. I fou nd myself dreadi ng chess, miserable before leav ing for tou rname nts. I played witho ut inspirarion and was invited to appear on television shows. I sm iled. T he n when I was eighteen years old J st umbled upo n a little book called t he T,/I) Te Chill}!" and my life took a ru m. I was moved by the book's natural wisdom and I starred
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inch one way or anothe r. I would follow his subtle instruction and suddenly my ha nd would co me alive with th rob bi ng e ne rg y as if he had plugged me into ,J sooth ing elect rical current. H is insight into bod y mechanics seemed mag ical, bur perhaps equall y impressive was C hen's humi lity. Here was a man thought by many (0 be the g reatest living Tai Chi Master in t he world , and he patient ly taugh t first-day novices WIth the same loving atten tion he gave his senior stude nts. I learned quickly, and became fascinated wit h the g rowt h that I was experiencing. Since I was t welve years old I had kept journa ls of my chess vrudy, making psychol og ical observat ions a long t he way- now I was doing the same with Tai Chi. After abou t six mo nt hs of re fining my form (t he choreographed move ments that are t he heart of Tai Chi Ch uan), Master C hen invited me to jo in t he Push Hands class. This was very exciting, my baby steps toward the martial side of the art . I n my first session, my teacher and I stood fiKing each other, each of us with our righ t leg forward and t he backs of our rig ht wrists to uching . He told me to p ush into him, but when I d id he wasn't t here anymore. I fel t sucked forward, as if by a vac uum. I stumbled and scratched my head. N ext, he gently p ushed into me and I fried to get out of t he way but d id n't k now where (0 go. Finally I fe ll back on old insn ncrs. tried to resist t he incoming force, and wit h barely ao y co ntact Chen sent me flying inro the air. O ver ume, Master Chen taugh t me t he body mechanics of non resista nce. As my trai ning became mo re vigoro us, I learned to dissolve away from attacks wh ile staymg rooted to the grou nd. I fo und m yse lf calculating less and feeling more, and as I interna lized the physical techn iques all t he

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little movements of the Tai C h i meditative form started to come alive to me in Push Hands p racrice. I remem ber one t ime , in t he m id d le of a sparring session I sensed a ho le in my parmer's srrucrure and suddenly he seemed to leap away from me, H e lool«..-d shucked an d told m e t hat he had bee n pushed away, bur he hadn't noticed any explosive movem ent on my pan. I had no idea what to make of t his , bur slowly I began to realize t he rnartial powe r of my living room meditatio n sessions. Aftl: r thousands of slow-motio n, everrefined repeti tions of certain m ove m e nt s, my body could become that shape instinctively. Somehow in 'Iai Chi file m ind necdcdlicrlc physical action co have g[(.'at physical effect. T h is type oflcammg experience was fam iliar to me from chess. My whole life I had studied techniques, pri nci ples, and theory u nti l t hey were in reg raredinro the unconscious. From t he outside Tai Ch i and chess couldn't be more different , bur they bl:gan to converge in my mind. I started to rranslare my chess ideas into Tai Ch i language, as if t he two arts were linked by an essential connecti ng g rou nd. Every day I not iced more and more similarities, u mil I began ro feel as ifI were studying chess when I was studyi ng Tai Ch i. Once I was giving a forty-board simultaneous chess exh ib it ion In Memp his and I realized halfway rhrough that I had been p laying all t he games as Tai C hi. r wasn't calcula ti ng w ith chess notation or t h in k ing about opening va ri ations ... I was feeling flow, filli ng space left behind, ridi ng waves like r d o at SC"J. or in martial arts. This was wild! l n.as

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Similarly, r would be in a Push Hands competinon and t im e wou ld seem t o slow d own e noug h to allow me to methodically take apart my opponent 's srrucrure and uncover his vul nerability, as in a chess game. My fascinat ion with Xl\'

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consciousness , study of chess and Tal Chi, love for hreracure and the ocean, for m edi ta tion and ph ilosophy, all coalesced around t he theme of tapping info the m ind 's potential via complete immersion into one and all activities. My growth !xcam{' defi ned by harrierleJj1/(J$. Pure concentra t ion di d n 't allow thoug hts or false constructions to impede m y awareness, and I observed d ear r onnecrions between d ifferent life experiences th rough the common mode of consciousness by which they were perceived . As I cult ivated open ness co these con nec tions, my li fe became flood ed with intense learn ing experiences . I reme mber sit t ing on a Berm uda cliff one storm y afte rnoon, watching waves pou nd into t he rocks . I was focused on t he water trickl ing back out to sea and sudde nly k new t he answer to a chess p rob lem I had been wrestling wit h for weeks. Anot her time, after completely im mersing mysel f in t he analysis of a (hess posi ti on for eigh t hours, I had a breakc hrough in my Tai Chi and successfully tested it in class rbar nig ht. G reat litera ture inspi red chess gro wth, shooting jum p shots on a N ew York Ci t y blar krop gavc me insig h t about fl uidi ty t hat app lied to Tai Ch i , becom ing a t peace hold ing m y breath seventy feet u nderwater as a free-diver helped me in the time p ressu re of world cham pionshi p chess or marriul arts cum pe t itions. Train ing in t he ab ility to quic kly lower my heart rate after inte nse p hysical stra in helped me recover between periods of exhausting concentrat ion in chess ro urnam cn es. After several years of clo ud iness, r was fl ying free, devouring information, completely in love wit h learn ing .

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• • • Before I began to conceive of t h is book , J W,IS r on renr to u nderstand my grow th in t he ma rti al arts in a very abst ract xv

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man ner. I re laced to my expe rience Wi t h lang uag e like para!lt! !UJ17I/n/i and tYall.dat/on IIf /etd. I telr as thoug h I had t ransferred the essence of m y chess unde rstandi ng into my Tai Chi pract ice. But th is did n't make much sense, especially

outsid e of my ow n head. What does essence really mea n aoyway"! And how does one tra nsfer it from a mental to a physical disc ipli ne"! T hese questions became t he central preoccupation in rny life afree I won m y first P ush H ands Na t iona l Cham pionsh ip in N ovember 20()O. At the time I was studyi ng p hilosophy at Columbia Un ive rsity and was especially drawn to Asian rhoug h r. I d iscovered some interest ing fou ndat ions for m }' expcncnce io ancient India n, Chinese, Tibet an, and G reek texrs-c-Upa nis had ic essence, Taois r rea:ptiJitJ. N co-Co nfuc ian priwiph. Buddhis t nondl/
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some brilliant professor who usually d isagreed with m y conclusions. Acad em ic m inds [end [0 be impatient with abstract language-w hen J spoke about mnatum. one p h ilosophy pro-

fessor roll ed her eyes and w id me the term had no m e-a ning . T he need f or precision forced me to t hink abo ut these ideas more concretely. I had to come to a deeper sense of concepts like essence. ql/a/it). primlp!e. inrmtion. ami. u·i.rdm!l in order to understand my ow n experience , let alone have any chance of

commurucau ng

It.

As I struggled for a more precise grasJl of my own learning process, I was fo rced to retrace my st eps and remember what had bee n inte rna lized and forgo([en. I n both m y chess and rna rrial arts lives, rhe re IS a method ofstud}' t hat has been critical to my growth. I sometimes refer {O it as t he study of numbers tll/lJdt'e nltlllben. or fill"lll tll/wa:fill"m. A basic exam p le XVI

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of th is p rocess, which applies [0 any discipline. Gin easily be illusrea red thro ug h chess: A chess srude nr must initially become im mersed in (he fundamentals in order (0 have any porenrial (0 reach a h ib h level of skill . H e or she willlearn (he princ iples ofendgame, m iddl eg ame, and opening p lay. In itially one or rwo critical the mes w ill be consid ered at once, but over time the intui tion learns to in regrare more and more p rincip les inro a sense of Aow. Event ually th e fcunda rion is so d eeply in remalized (hat it is no longer consciously considered, b ur is lived . This process co nti nuous ly cycles along as deeper layers of (he art ate soaked in . Vt"ry strong chess p layers will rarely speak of rhc fu nd amentals, hut these beacons arc t he bu ild ing blocks of their m astery, Simi larly, a great pianist ur violinis t does not think about individual no tes, h ut hits them all perfecely In a virhl OSO performance . In fan, rhin km g abour a "C " wh ile p laying Beethoven's Srh Sym phony could be a real hitch because the flow m ight be lose. T he problem is t ha t if you want to write an instructional chess boo k for beginners, you have toJ ig up all the stuff t hat is buried in you r unconscious- I had [his issue when I wrote my firsr book, A tfmkilll-: Chess. In order to wri re for btginnt rs, I had to b reak dow n rny chess knowledge incrementally, whereas for years I had bee n cultiva ting a seam less integ rat ion of the cri t ical informat ion. T he same pattern can be seen when the art of learni ng is analyzed: rhcrncs can be internalized, lived hy, and forgonen . I figured out how to learn efficiently in the brutally com petit ive world of chess , where a moment withou t grow th spells a front-row sear to rivals me rci lessly p"J.SS lng ~'OU by. T hen I int u itively appl ied m y ha rd-earned lessons to the marcia! arts. I avoided the pitfalls a nd tempt ing d iverge nces (hat a

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learner is confro nted with , bur r d id n't really thi nk about t hem beca use t he road m ap was dee p inside me- ju st like t he chess princ iples. Since I decided ro write t his book, I have analyzed myself, taken my k nowkdgt, apart, and rigorousl}' invesrigared m y own experience. Speaking to corporate and acad em ic aud iences about my learning experience has also chalk-nged me to make my ideas mo re accessib le. w benever t here was a conce pt or learning tec hni que tha t I rela ted to in a man ner too ab stract to con vey, I forced myself ro b reak it down into the incremental steps with wh ich I gor there . Over time I began to sec t he principlcs t ha t have been si lently g uiding me , and a sys t emati c me t hodo logy o f Iea ro l ng emerged. My chess life hegan in Wash ing ton Sq uare Pa rk in N ew York's Greenwich Village, and took me on a sixteen-yearrol ler-coaste r ride, th rough world cham pionships in Am erica, Ro ma ni a , Germany, H u nga ry, B ra zi l, and I nd ia , t hro ug h every kind of heartache and ecstasy a com petitor can imag ine. In recent years, my Tai Chi life has beco me a dance of med ita t io n and incense martia l competi tion, of purl:' growth and rhe observation , testing , and exp lorarion of t hat learm ng process. I have cur rently won thirteen 'Iai Ch i C hunn Push H ands Na tional Cham p ionsh ip ritles, placed th i rd in t he 20 02 \Vor IJ C ham pio nshi p in Taiwan , and in 20 04 I won the C h ung H wa C up Int ernat ion al in Taiwa n, t he Wo rld C ham p ionsh ip of Ta i Ch i Cb u an P ush H and s . A lifetim e of cornperirion has nor cooled m y ardor to win , hut I have g rown to love t he st udy and training above all else. After so many years of big games. performing under p res.,ure has Ix'come a way of life. Presence under fire hard ly

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feels different from t he presence r feel sitt ing at rn y co mp uee r, typing t hese sen tences . W hat I have realized is rhat what I am best ar is not Tai Chi , and it is nor chess- what I am besr at is the an of learni ng. T his book is the story of my method.

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PART I

THE FOUNDATION

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CHAPH.R 1

I N N O C EN T M O VE S

I remember the m id late win ter afternoon in downtow n N(.'W York City, my mother and I holding hands whi le walking to t he p layg rou nd in \'XIashing ton Square Park. I was six years old, a roug h- and- rum ble k id w ith a passion for SpiderMan, sharks , d inosaurs, spo res , and d ri vi ng my parents crazy w it h m isch ief. "Teo m uch hoy," my mom says. I constantly pestered my d ad to th row aro und a foot ball or baseba ll or to wrestle in the living roo m. My friend s called m e "waste skin" because m y k nees were ofte n raw from tak in,g spills in t he playg ro und or di ving lor catches. I had an t':lrl y att racti on to t he edge, us mg scraps of wood an d CI nder blocks from a ronsrrucnon site next door to set up makeshift jump r uu rses for my bike. I refused to wear a hel met unt il one gorgeous t wist ended with a face p lan e and m y mom vowed to no long er wea r her headg ear when horseback r id ing un less I followed su it. \V e had t aken t his walk dozens of t imes. I loved to swing arou nd o n the monkey bars a nd become Ta rzan, th e wo rld m y jung le . Bur now somet hing felt d ifferent. I looked over m y shoulde r, and was trans fi xed by m ysterious fig urines set up on a marble chessboard . I remember fee ling like I was

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looki ng into a forest. The p ieces were animals, fi lled wi t h strange poren rial, as if somethi ng d angerous and magical were about to leap from t he board . Two p ark hustlers sat across the tab le taunt ing each other. T h e ai r was th ick wid] tens ion, and t hen the p iec es exploded into an ion , nimble fi ngers moving wit h lightning speed and p recis ion, wh ite and b lack fi}; ures dar ting all over t he board , creating pattern s. I was pulled into che barrlefield, en raptured ; somet hi ng felt fam il iar about rhis g am e. it made sense. Then a crowd gathe red arou nd the rablc and I couldn't see anymore . My mo m called me , gently p ull ed on my ha nd, and we moved on to t he p layground. A few d ays later my mom and I were walki ng throug h the same corner uf rhe park when I broke away from her and ran Ill' to an old man w it h a g rey beard who was setting up plast ic p ieces on one of rhe marble boards . T hat day I had wa rched a cou p le of kids playing chess at school and I t houg ht I could do ir- "Wanna play?" T he old man looked at me sus pic iously ove r his spectacles. My mom apologized, cxplai ned that I d id n't know how ro pl ay chess, but t he old man said tha t it was okay, he had child ren, and he had a litd e t ime to ki ll . M y m orn tells me t hat whe n t he game bega n my tongue was out and rest ing 011 my upper lip , a sure si;L; n r was either scuffed u p or concentrating . r remem ber the strange sensation of d iscovering a lost mt·mory. As we m oved lilt pieces, I felt like I had done th is before. T here was a harmony to this game, like a good so ng. T he old man read a news paper w hile I t houg ht about my moves, but afrer a few min utes he gor all};ry and snapped at m y mom , accused her ofhu srliug h im . APP"Men d y I was playing well . I had ge nerated an ,I WlCk by coordinat ing ,I few of my piec es and the old ma n had to buck le dow n ro fight it off.

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After a li ttle w h ile a crowd gathered arou nd t he oo;u Ilpeople were whis pe ring something abo ut "Young Fischer." My mo m was confused. a little concerned about whar had come ove r her boy. I was in my own world . Bvenr uall y t he old man wo n t he ga me. We shook hand s and he asked me m y name. H e wro te it on h is newspaper and said "J osh \'7aitzki n, I' m gonna read abo ut you in the paper somed ay." f rom that day forward, Wash iogton Square Park became a second horne to me. And chess became my fi rst 10\'~. Afrer school, insreud of hungering for soccer or basebal l, I insisted on head ing ro the park . I'd plop down agai nst some scarylooki ng dude, put m}' ga me b ce on , and go to war. I loved the rhr ill of barrle , and some days I wou ld p lay countless speed chess games, hour after hour sta t ing t hroug h rhe jung le of pieces, fig un ng th ings out, rhrowing mental gre nades bac k and forth in a sweat. I would go home with chess pieces f1 yin,l; t hroug h my m ind , and rhen I would ask m y dad ro take down h is dusry wooden ser and play wirh me . Over ti me, as I became a rrusred part of t he park scene, the g uys too k me u nder (heir wi ngs, showed me t heir Hicks, taug ht me how to generate devastati ng arracks and ge r inro the head of my oppon~ m. I became a p w tt ge of rbe stree t, hard to rattle, a fersr y compet itor. It was a bizarre schoo l for a chi ld, a toug h crowd of alcoholics , homeless geni uses, wealchy ga mblep; hooked on the game, junk ies, eccen rric urnsrs-c-all d iamond s in the to ug h, brillianr, beat men, lives in shambles, aflame wi r h a passi on for chess. Ever}' day, un less it pou red or snowed, the n ine teen marble rabies in t he southwest corner of Wash ington Squa re would fi ll up with t his mo tley crew. And most days I was there, k nock ing chess men over wit h my shorr arms, chewing g u m, learn ing rhc game. O f ( OUTS(' my parents thoug h t

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long and hard before allowing me to hang out in the park , bur I was adurnanr and rhe g uys cleaned up t heir acts when I came to play. T he c ig arettes an d joints were put out , t he language was cleaned u p, few d eals went d own. I wou ld sit across from one of my b udd ies, immediately sweating and focused. My mom to ld me she saw her lir de boy become an old man when I played chess. I concencrared so hard, she t houg ht her hand would burn if she p ut it in front of my eyes. It is difficult for me ro explain the seriousness I had abo ut chess as a young boy. I guess it was a calling , though I' m snll nor sure wha t rha r means. Afte r a ICw months I could already beat a num ber of t he guys who had been p laying for decades. W hen I lost a game, one of my friends wu uld give me a pin e of advice-c-t'josh, you laid hack too long, he got comfortable, you gocra go after 'ern , ma ke 'ern scared " or "Josh, my man, sometimes you .Ilona casrle, get your king to safety, check yourself before you wreck yourself." Then I would hit the dock, buckle dow n, and try again . Eac h loss was a lesson, each win a th rill. Ever}' d ay pieces of [he punic fell toget her. Whenever I showed up to play, big crowds would gat her around the tab le. I was a star in t h is little world, and while al l the attention was excit ing for a child, it was also a challenge. I learned qu ickly t hat whe n I rhoug h r abour t he people watch ing, I played badly. It was hard for a six-yearold ham co ignore t hro ng s of adults tal ki ng about him, bur whe n well focused, I seemed to hover in an in-between srace where t he intensity o f t he chess position mixed wi th rhe rumble of voices, r("'dflll noises, ambulance sirens , all in an insp iring swirl t ha t fueled my mind. Some days I could concentrate more purely in the chaos of Washingron Square rhan in t he quiet of my fam ily's living mu m. O ther days I

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would look aro und at everybody, get caug ht up in their conversarions, and play terr ibly. I'm sure it was fru su at in).; for my parents watching my early d iscovery ofchess-there WJS no tell ing whether I'd chew g ummy beats, sm ile, joke, and hang my pieces or buckle d own in to another world of mrensny O ne Saturday afternoon there was a tall fi).;ure standing in the crowd while I playetl speed chess against my friend J err y. I noticed h im, but then fell back into t he g am e. A cou ple of hours la ter the ma n approached m y father and introduced himsel f as Bruce PanJ ol6ni, a master-level player and a chess reacher. Bruce mid my dad I was very gifwd, and offered to teach me. lt turns out t hat my father recognized Bruce as t he man who did television commentary wi t h Shelby Lyman tluriog the historic Bobby Fischer vs. Boris Spassky World Cham pionship ma tch in lY72 . The ma tch had revol utionized chess- it was a cold-war face-off pitting rhe Soviet Wo rld Cham pion along wirh his team of one hund red coaches and traine rs agai nst the brash renegade American challe ng er who did all his preparation alone in a room witho ut a view. Fischer was a combination ofJ ames Dean and Greta G arbo and Ameri ca was fasc inated. T here were h uge political irnphcarions to t his conresr of great th inkers. Increasing ly, as t he match unfolded , it became perceived as the embodiment of rhe cold war. H enry Kis.singer calkxl Bobby with support; poliricians on both sides followed each game closely. T he world watched breathless as Shelby and Bruce brought chess to life on television with t heir human, down-home analysis of the games. When fischer won the match , he became an mremauonal celebrit y and chess exploded across America. Suddenly rbc g ame

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stood shoulder to shou lder with basket ba ll , footba ll , baseball , hockey. T hen in 19 75 Fischer d isappea red instead of defend ing his t itle. Chess in America receded imo the shadows. Ever since the American chess world has been searching for a new Bobby Fischer, som eone to b ring t he sport hack inco the lirneligh r. Shel by and Bru ce had cap tured m y d ad 's imag jnarion t went y years before, and now it was a bit su rreal th at Bruce was otfenng [() reach h is six-yea r-old bowling ball of a child . J was nonpl ussed. Chess was fu n, and the g uys in t he park were my b udd ies. T hey were teac h ing m e fine. \V h y should I have any more coac hes' I was priva te about chess, as if it were an ir mrnatc fa ntasy worl d . I had to tr ust som eone to let t hem into my rhoug hr ptoc/;,ss, an d Bruce had ro overcome rh is sh ield before t he wo rk coul d begi n. O u r first lessons were anyth ing b ut orthodo x. We hard ly "st ud ied chess." Bruce knew it was more important f(lr us til ge t to know one another, to estab lish a gen uine camaraderie. So we talked about life, SpOrtS, di nosau rs, t hi ng s t hat in rercseed me. W henever the di scussio n turned to chess, I was stu bborn about my ideas and refused to receive formal . .

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Linsisred on some bad habits I had learned in t he parkfor examp le, brin,;ing out m y q ueen early. This is a t ypical beginner's error: the q ueen is rhc most powerful piece on rhc chess board so peop le wanr to bri ng her into the anion rig ht away. Ag ainst uns k illed oppo nen t s w ho can't parry sim p le arracks, tlus st rateg y works marvelously. T he p rob lem 's t hat since the q ueen cannot be t raded for any of t he op pone nt 's p ieces wit hout sig mficant loss , she can he chased all over t he bo ard while the other g uy nat urally b ring s hi s less valuable but quite p()[e[J[ warriors in to p lay and sirnul rane8

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ously swats aside the p rimit ive th reats of the lone queen. Logical ennug h, bur I resis ted because I had wo n so ma ny early games wit h a wandering quee n. Bruce cou ldn'r convince me wir h word s-he had {Q prove it. B ruce d ecid ed we should have knock-down d rag-our speed chess marches like t he ones I was used ro in rhe park. \'7he never I mad e a fundame ntal error, he wou ld mention the p rincip le I had violated . If I refused ro nudge, he'd pror eed to take ad vantag e of t he error until my posit ion fe ll apart. O ver r ime , Bruce earned my rtspece as I saw the correcrness of h is ideas. My q ueen started ro wait unri l t he moment was r ight. I learned to develop my pieces, to control th e cente r, to p repare attacks sysrcrnancally. O nce he had won m y trust, Bruce raug h r me by allowi ng me to express myself. The main obstacle to overcome was my im peruosiry. J W ,iS a ralenrecl kid wit h g ood instincts who had been bea ting up on vrreer hustlers who lacked clasvical train ing . Now it was t ime {Q slo w me down and p roperly arm m y int uitio n, b ut Bruce had a fi ne line to rread. H e had to reach me to he more d isciplined witho ut dam pen ing my love for chess or sup pressing m y nnrural voice. .M any teachers have no f(X1 for this balance and try to filrct their srudenrs into cook ie-cutter molds. I have run into (Iuite a few egomaniacal ins tructors li ke th is over the years and have come to believe (hat t heir method is profoundly d cst ructivc for st udenes in the lon8 ru n- in any case, it certain ly wo uld not have worked wi th me. I'm sure I was a toug h kid to (each. M}' paren ts raised a will ful child . Even as a you n,!; boy I was encou raged to rake part in t he spi rited d in ner part }' debates abou t art and polit ics in my fam ily 's living room . I was taug ht to express m y opinion and to think about (he ideas of ot hers- not to fol-

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low authority bl indly. Fort unacely, Bruce's educanoual p h Ilosophy fie my character perfecrly. I Ie d id n't present himself as omniscient , and he hand led hi mse lf as more of a g uide in my development t han as an aut hority. If I d isag reed wit h h im , we would have a d iscussion , not a lecture. Bruce slowed me down by ask ing q uest ions. Whenever I made an importa nt decision, good or bad , he wou ld ask me to explam my though t p rocess. Were rhere ot her ways to accomplish t he same aim ? H ad I looked for my opponent 's rhrears? Did I consider a difleren r order of operarions? Bruce d idn't patronize me-some teachers rebel so far away from being authoritaria n that they p raise all t heir link p layer's d ecisions, good o r bad . Their Inte nt ion is to buil d confideuce, but instead t hey d iscourage ub jen ivit)" encourage self-indulgence, and perhaps most d estructively, t hey create a d ishones t relarionship between instr uctor and pupil t hat any bright ch ild can sense. When I made a bad move, Bruce asked me whar my idea was a nd the n h el ped me d iscover how I cou ld ha ve approached the d ecision- making process ditfcrcnrly. Much of the ti me in ou r lessons was spe nt in silence, with us bo rh thinking , Bruce did not wan r [() feed me inform ati on, bur to help my m ind carve Itse lf into rnarursty, Over rime, m his coaxing , humorous, and undersraredly fi rm manner, Brul e g ave me a foundation of cr itical chess princip les and a systematic understanding of ana lysis and calcu lation. While the new k nowlcJg e was valuable, the most important facror in these first monrhs of study was t hat Bru ce nurtured my love to r chess, and he never let tec hn ical ma terial smother my innate feeling for [he g ame . D uring t hese early momhs of work with Bruce, we would meet on ce or t w tcc a week in 01)' fam ily's apartmenr-

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sornenrnes early mornings, sometimes afte r schoo l, Most ot her days, I would g o to Washington Square and d uke it out with my friends in t he p ark. As a six- and seven-year-old boy I had t WO powerful currents to my chess ed ucat ion, and t he key was to make the m coexist peacefully-the screet-rnugh competitor had to fuse wit h the classically rmined, pat ient p layer that Bruce was insp iring . T houg h when very young J was peri odically reluctant about real chess work, lloved the sublime beaury of o ld W orld Champions hip ,t.;am es I studied with Bruce-c-sometimes sit ting in silence and calculating an endgame position for twenty m inutes would t hrill me to the core. But ot her t imes such serious thin ki ng would bore me and I'd hunger to play speed chess WIth my bud d ies, to arrack, ro be a h u ll' reckless and create beautiful combinatsons. T he park was fun . I was a child after all. Desp ite significant outside p ressure, my pare nts and BOICe decided to keep me our of tournaments until I had been play ing chess for a rear or so, because they wan ted my relati onsh ip to the game to be about learni ng and passion fi rst , and competition a d istant second . M}' mot her and Bru ce were pnmcularly ambivalent about expos ing me ro t he harsh pressures of competi tive chess- they gave me some extra mon ths of mnocence (or wh ich I am grateful. W hen J {mally starred p layinl": in scholastic tourname nts, soon after my seven th bi rthday, t he gamc"i fclt easy. Children my own age didn't fash ion com plicated arracks and defenses like t he g uys in t he pa r k did, a nd t hey would crumble under p ressure. Some of the ki ds we re armed with dange rous opening tra ps, memorized varia tions t hat could lead to early advantages, so I ofte n came out of the op ening down a paw n or two--but the n rhe y didn't have ,1 chance , For me, competit ive chess was not about perfection. It was more of a mental

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prizefi g hr, wirh t wo opponents t rading ad vantages, mo rn en rum g oin}; one way and chen rhe other. .M y friends in \"'(Tashing ton Sq uare were valiant com pet ito rs, you could never count rhem our-in fan they were mosr dangerous when on t he ropes. Many very tale nted kids expecred to wi n wi t hout m uch resistance. \"'(T hen t he game was a snuggle, they were emononally unprepared . I th ri ved unde r advers it y. .My sty le was to make t he game complex and t hen wo rk my way th roug h t he chaos. W hen t he posit ion was w ild , I had h ug e co nfi dence. Bruce and I also spent a lor of time sw dyi ng endgames, where rhe board is nea rly empty and high-level p rinc iples combi ne wit h d eep calculatio ns to creat e fascinating b-attles. W h ile my op pont:'ms wan ted to wi n in rhe ope n ing s, r igh t off rhe hat , I g uid ed posuions inro co mplicated m id d lega mes and absr ract end ings . So as the game went on, their confidence shra nk and ! became a p redato r. N oricing t hese tendencies, Bruce starred calling me "Tig er." H e sri II calls me Tig er today, My Ii rsr year of compet itive chess was smooch sailing . I fel t u nbearable when matc hed up with kids m y age, and t he co mbina rion o f street to ug hness and classical ed uca tion p roved devastat ing fo r m y opponeors . Perhaps t he most decisive element of m y };ame was t he way m y sty le on t he board was co mpletely in sj-nch wi th my personal iry as a child . I was unhi ndered by internal conflicr-;,a stare of being t hat ! have come to sec as fundame ntal til the learning process. Bruce and t he park g uys had taug ht me how to express m yself rh roug h chess, and so m y love for t he game g rew every day. As t he mo nths went by, I piled up wi n ufrer wi n and my national rating sky rocketed. I'd show up at a tourname nt and

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kids were terrified of me, whieh fe lt strange , I was, after a ll, a young child who was scared of rhe dark and loved ScoobyDoo. Mo re tha n once, opponents started weeping at t he board before rhe game had even begun. r felt bad for them h ue also em powered . Befort, I k new ir r was tile hig hestranked player for my age in the country. The next step was the National Cham pionship, ro be held in Charlorce. North Carolina. The guys in t he park we re buzzjng with excuemenr, showing me more and more weapons, honing my game . I was t he hands-down favor-i n- [() win the primary div ision (kindergarten through 3rd g rade). There wasn't a d oubt in my mind,

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Last round. Boa rd one. Winnt·r rakes the title. My opponem and! were set up on a solitary table in front ofan unmanned came ra chat would relay the posicion ro press, coaches, and anxiety- ridden par('ms in the horcl lobby. T he rest of the compeurors, over five h undred of t he cou nrry's rep young chess players who had rome eo burrle for t he Narional Championships, faced offon long rows of chessboards filltng up the rest of t he tense playing hall. T he cop board is a throne or a prison, dependi ng on how you look at it. Everyone dreams of gemng rhere, b ut t hen you arrive and find yoursel f all alone, napped on a pedestal with a bu tl's-eye on your forehead. Entering t he tournament, I was t he' man to bear. I knew teams had been g unning for me, spending months of preparation on treac hero us o pen ing tra ps designed specifi cally to catch me off guard. But I had already rolled over my firsr six opponents, givi ng up only

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one draw. I fel t unbeatable wh en m atc hed up agai nst k id s my age. T hey could n' t to uch me. Luc le d id I know that m y op ponent was a we ll-armed ge nius. H is name was Da vid Am en . A t t hree years old he had m emorized the N ew York Ci ty subway map. At fi ve he was do ing hig h school m ath. At six he was the cop fi rst,;rader in the count ry and t he best chess player at the prest ig io us Da h o n Schoo l, w hic h was coached by Sve eo ear J ovanovic , a leg end in scholast ic chess who had t aug hr many young champ ions. J ovanovic had .g ive n D avid a classical chess ed ucation and a sense for competitive d iscipline co rival m y own. Soon after this g ame , D ave and I wou ld become best friends. But n gh t now he was just a bucktoot hed little blond kid who looked petrified . On t he t hird move of the ga me, David made a stra nge dec ision, allo wing me co cap tu re his k ing pawn wit h m y kni.ght. I should have take n som e t ime to look for trap." but I moved tOO quickly. T hen he was all over me, b ring ing h is {lueen in ro a d ang ero us urracki ng posi tion, chasing m y overextended knigh t who had nowhere safe to hide . I'd been stupid to grub t he pawn. Now th is smarr little kid was };oini<: after m y king and I was fi};htin}; for m y life. I can see m y eight-year-old self as t he game slipped away, sirri n}; at the board, sweat be,.;in ni n}.; to flow, ,!;oose bu m ps ris ing, my heart p icking up speed , hungry stares of envious rivals sin ing at nearby chessboards, the eer ie rus tli ng silence of rbc playing hall , t he frag ilit y of so man y dreams. I wasn't a supe rman. I was a chdd who slept in my parents' bedroom because of terri ble nigb t mares, no w co mpe t ing with t he world on my shoulders and everytlHng falling apart. J had a choice of completely self-des tructi ng or losing some mate rial, regrouping , and then trying ro fig ht back.

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I'd (lone this coun dess tr mes at \X'ashlllg ton Sq uare Park. But b6n).; on t he rope;; agai nst a kid was new to me. I had dealr with t he pressures of being the favorite at the Nationals by puffing myself u p with a sense of invincibility. Confi de nce is critical for a gre.u competitor, but overconfide nce is bri rrle. We are tOO smart for ourselves in such moments. \X'e sense our morta li ty like a cancer beneath the bravado, and when things start to go our of control, there is little real resilience to fall back on . W hen t he game was over I was stun ned, reeling ftom being so dose co win ning my first national champio nshi p and then letting it go, self-destructing, falling apart. Wa.~ I a loser' Had I let my parents d own? W hat about the guys in the park, Bruce, my friends at school? lI uw co uld I have lost" O ne of the problems wirh heing tOO hig h is that there is a long way co full. Had I fallen in my own eyes or also in the eyes of those around me? Afrer tryi ng so hard, was there worrh outside of winning ' An eight-year-old is hardly prepared co deal with suc h 100"Jed issues, and I was very fortunate to have a famil}' wit h t he ability to keep, o r at least regain, a bit of perspective in times of extre me intensity. We went fishing.

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• • • T he ocean has been a huge pa rt of my life since rhc womb. Literally. W hen m y mot her was five months preg nant, we were at sea, t roll ing for blue marlin in ren-fom G ulf Srream rollers. Some of my earl iesr memories are from t he dock of my family's link hou se un mosqui w-ridJe n South Bim ini Island, fishing for snappe rs, feeding moray eels, swarcing away bugs at nigh t while ch umming for sharks. Growing u p, I knew that come summertime, we would 17

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head off to sea no r narrer wha t else was happen ing In ou r lives, what crisis was loo ming , wh at tourn amen ts I was m issing, how out of context or absurd our OCE"',l.n n ips m ig ht have fel t at t he moment of depart ure. I have come to understand t hat t hese litt le breaks fm m rhc co m peririve inre mi t}· of my life have been and still are an integral pan of m y success . Tim es at sea ate periods of renewal , corning roge rher wit h fami ly, bei ng wi t h na ture, p u tt ing t h ings hack In perspec rive. I am ab le ro let m y conscious m ind m ove away from m y train ing , and tn gain creative new ang les on t he next steps of m y g rowth . T hese trips are a far cry from lu xur ious vacatin ns-c-acruallv they are nom Ulp ma nual labor, sweat ing III t he eng ine room n Ylllg to coax an o ld ge nerator back to life, working the cockpi t in the hut sun, keeping rhe boat toget her in ang ry squalls, nav igaun g th rough h ig seas, li ving rig ht on the edge. The boating life has also been a wonderful trai ning ,l;round for pe rformance psychology. Living on t he water req u ires cons tant presence, and the rel ease of cont rol . A boat is always moving wi th t he sea, lurch ing be neath you r feet, and the only way to survive is to sink into rhythm with the waves and be read y for any th ing. r learned at sea that virt ual ly all sit uat ions can be ha ndled as long as p resence of mind IS main tained. O n the other h and , if you lose yout calm when crisis h its seve nt y m iles from land , or w hile swi mmi ng with big sharks, there is no safety net to catch you. T here have been many years when leav ing my New York life fel t like career suicide-s-my chess rivals we re taki ng lessons and rompeting in every weekend tournam ent whi le I was on a boat crash ing t h roug h hig waves. Bur I would come back wi t h new ideas and a full tank of energy and dcrcrrnination. The OCC'3n has always healed me, brough t me

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back to hfe when I haw needed it ... and as an eig ht-yearol d child in t he m ids t of an existen t ial crisis, I needed it . M y parents , baby sister, and I left Fort Lauderd ale on t he Ebb Tide. our t wenty-to ur-foot Black Fin , a wonderful old fishi ng boat t hat carried us through man y su m me r advenrures in high sea, until she blew up and san k when I was t welve . Fift y-seven m iles east sout heas t was Bim ini, an island t hat was like ho me to me . I can still see he r coming into sight th roug h m y childhood eyes, those hazy first trees like a m iracl e after a long ocean crossi ng. \'qe d id n 't t alk about chess fo r weeks. We fished, dove in warm crystal-clear water, trolled the G u lf Stream , brea t hed in the beautifu l southern air. I rediscovered myself as a ch rld, ran around t he island with m y friends Kier and Kin o, passed co untless hours Wi t h r ny head hanging off our rickety o ld doc k, hand line dangl ing in the water, watching the fish dart around . O n rai ny even ing" my mom and I wou ld take ou r d og Brow nie and go into t he jungle, hunting for gianr land crab. My family recon nected as h uman be ing s, outside of t he m ad swirl of scholastic chess. I was devas tated, hut slowl y my parents revived m y boyish enth usiasm for life. In painful t im es, m y mom has always been an anchor, hold ing everyt h ing together un til t he clouds roll by. W hen I was a chi ld, she woul d press her soft chee k ag ainst m ine , rem inding me t hat I d id n't al ways have to be sn tough. I didn't have to rell her how I felr-she knew. My mo ther is t he grcare,t pl.'rson I have ever know n. She is a hrilliant, loving, compassionate woman WIth a w isdom t har to t his day b lows my m ind . Quietl y powerful , infini tely supportive, absu rdly selfless, she has always encouraged me to follow my hearr even whe n it led far away or to seem ingly bizarre p urSUItS. She is also incn.,jibl y b rave (somc ri mes to my dis may),

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facmg d own four-hundred-pound sharks in deep ocean, hand-lining leaping blue marlin, taming wild rwc-r housandpound stallions, b reaking up street fig h ts, keeping my dad and me in line. She has been a constant balancing force t hroughou t all rhc madness of our live'i---lift ing us when we" were down, providi ng perspective when we g or tOO swept away by am bi tion, }l ivin}; a hug when teats flowed. M y mom is my hero. Without her the whole thi ng falls apart . My father is a differe nt type of character. He's a loyal, emot ional, eccent ric (think Woody Allen meets LIITY David with an adven turous spin), devoted d ad who has been my best frie nd since day one . I ca n't imag ine how many ho urs we have spent together, plaYlOg basketball, throwing around footballs and baseballs, scouting ocean horizons for birds above schooli ng fish, traveling to chess tourname nts and t hen mart ia l arcs champ io nships all ove r t he world. We have been an elire team since I was six years old and subsequenrly have been joined at the hip in out ambitions and, to a certain excenc, our emotions. No matte r how m uch perspccnve we tried to maintain, our senses of well-being often fluctuated with my competitive results . There was 110 way aro und this. After win ning h uge to urnamen ts, all was well and the sky was t he limit . W hen I was playing batHy, everyt hing could look bleak an d our dreams absurd. It is t rue t hat I played with the knowlcdpe that my dad's heart was 011 t he li ne side by side with my own-but I also knew that he would love me reg ard less of the outcome. There IS little q uestion t hat some psychologists would frown upon such co-depend ence be.. tween fa ther and son, b ut when you are p ursuing the p in nacle sometimes limits rnusr be p ushed. T here are big games, climactic mome nts, final surges where you dig for energy and inspiration wherever

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you ca n find it and pick up the pieces late r. O ne thmg IS for sure-c--throug h t hick and t hi n, my dad has always bee n in my corner 100 percent ,

Aft er a mo n t h on Bim in i , m y pop g or resdess and arranged a m atch ber wcc n me and the best chess p laye r on the island. lie was worried t hat I was caking tOO long away from the game. and also he was jus t itching ro see me p lay again. I wasn't so eager for t he ma tch, preferri ng to fis h wit h m y hand line and go diving fi lr lobster. Chl:SS was st ill a burden to me, but the idea of t he Cham p ionsh ip of Bim ini sounded harm less and amusing . We tracked d own the guy and fa"x1 off in a bar. lie had gold rcc rh , and a huge go ld necklace han g ing d own ove r the board-remnants o f a dt u};-smu};g lin}; pas t. It took me a few min utes to ge t into the games but then I came al ive , t he o ld love H ick ling back. I recall the feeling ofinevirabihty, li ke chess was part

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of me, not {() be den ied . Something steeled in my eig h t year-old self that sum mer- I wo uldn't go our a loser. \V hen I go t home in t he fall, Bruce was p reoccupied with book deadlines and had no t ime for me. H e cancel led lesson after lesson, which felt like a terr ib le slap in the face. I had lost and now my teacher d id n't like me. T he eq ua tion was Simple, W hen we did mee t, his m ind was elsewhere and the lessons were cec hn ical and alienating. Maybe he was b usy, b u t I was a kid in need . I also transferred from t he Lit tle Red School H o use to the pres tigious Dalton School on the upper cas t side of Man hat tan . The tra nsition was d ifficu lt-instead of a few b locks from home, school was now a Ion}; bus ride awa y. I missed my frien ds at Little Red an d felt our of place wit h all t he ric h k ids at Dalton . I remember the first t ime a couple of us went ove r to my new friend's apa rt m ent uptown and I

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walked into what seemed like a palace. T here were doormen and maids and chand eliers hangi ng from d upl exed ceilings, I was confused by all chis srulT and began to wonder if m y fam ily was somehow inferior. I am st ill ashamed of rhe memory of asking my dad ro park aroun d t he corner w hen he came ro pick me up so m y friends would n't st't' our bearup green Plymout h rhar had a shot suspension and an alarming habit of jump ing lan es on the West Side Drive. I was a mess. My chess liti;- had fallen apart , m y reacher did n't like me anymore, I missed my friend s, and my family didn'r have a doorman or a fancy car, O n top of all chis a p rett y g irl I had a (rus h on at school had developed t he hahir of hitting me over the head with her shoes, whi ch I didn't real ize (un ti l she told me many years later ) was a sig n t hat she sha red my feel ings, I was a chi l(1 in rrans ut on , and J needed some help getting t h roug h, A few weeks into t he fu ll, Bruce saw rhur rushing through mechanical chess analysis was nor wha r Lneeded , and so he rook a step back and reconceived our chess life, O ur lessons now included raucous speed chess sessions with breaks to toss a football outside. We beg an ro laug h and co nnect as huma n beings as we had in our fi rsr sessions years before. J went back to playing In Wash ington Square Park wi t h rny old budd ies, The gamt became less haunted . I was having fun aga in. Then Bruce and I went to wo rk. \'
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when I questioned everyt hing and decided to (Orne back strong, I arrived at a commitment to chess t ha t was about much more than fu n and glory. It was about love and pain and passion and p ush ing myself to overcome. Ic might sound absurd, bur I believe that year, from eig ht to nine, was the defini ng period of my life. I responded to heartbreak with hard wor k. I was self-murivared and moved by a powerful resol ve. W hile a young hoy, I had been all promise. I on ly knew winni ng because I was better t han all [he other children and there was no pressure competing agai nst adu lts. N ow there was file knowledge of m y mortality. I had lost to a k id, and there were other chi ld reo who were also dangerous rivals. I was sti ll the h ighest -rated player for m)' age in t he cou nt ry, and w hen I we nt to to u r name n ts there was immense pressure. If J won, it was no big deal, but if I lost it feh like t he sky would fall. T he re was one boy who was particularly alarm in g. H is name was j eff Sarwer. H e was a scary child-s-small, often bald and ba refoor. H e didn't g o to school and h is fathe r had h im studying chess rwclvc hours a day. W hen he played, Jeff would cham kill. kill. kill u nde r h is breath. T he kid was all agg ression , b rill iant, a powerhouse over t he board. When I had just gotten !YJ.Ck from my summe r away I arrived at the M anhattan Chess C lub for a lesson wi th Bruce, and J eff was sitting t here playi ng a reg ular. H e app roached me with a challe nge, which I accepted . I was rusty and nne expeaing much of a gamt'-he blew me away. A couple of mo nths later I we nt back to t he Manhattan and returned the favor wi th a huge crowd surrounding the board. After I beat him, I heard tha t he sat cryJl1g '11 a corner for hours . Terr ible. T h is was a bi rrer rival ry between ch ild ren, and it felr like the end of rhc earth .

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I spe nt many aft ernoo ns stu d ying chess In my roo m ,

alone. Sometimes m y d ad tried [0 disrrac r me, lu re me away to p lay foot ball or basket ball, and I would have none of Ir. There was tOO m uch on the line. My pare nts worried that I had become too serious about chess, and m y dad period icall y to ld m e t hat it was okay if I wanted to qu it. The y didn 't understand t hat qu itti ng was nor an op tion. As the Nationals approached, my traioiog g ot even more intense. I sharpened myself in the park, soaked in the streetsmart advice of my hustler friend s, and d id more and more serio us work with Bruce . I k new Sarwer was spe nd ing every waking mi nute working wit h G rand masters , hon ing h is razor-sharp game. H e was a machine, anmhilaring stro ng adults in speed chess sessions and t hen hurnifia ring them wit h hi s di sd ain . O ne
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video m onitor w it h t h ro ngs of ot he r nerv ous moms and dad s . M y fi rsr round w as difficulr, b ur rhen

r cruised

t hrough the field, winn ing my firsr six g ames . Go ing into rhe last ro u nd ,)effSarwe r and r had rhe only t wo p erfen scores. r had harder pairings t hroughout t he eve nr , so if we drew rhe g am e I would win on tie-breaksb ur no one was chinking draw, J eff was t he o nly ki d I was afraid of. Rumor was th at he , his fat her, and sister had been sleepi ng in t heir car rb roughour rhc tou rnam en t . Bet w ee n round s he would sit on the

floor. h uggi ng his ski nny k nees and scowli ng at anyon e w ho fried to spea k to hi m . 11(' had con temp t for other k id s, called them "ugly pu rzcs" and sm irked w hen approac hed. It would be tasy co vilify him, bur J d f was a child deal r certain ca rd s. H is fath er was a brutal aur horirana n, a messianic figure w ho channeled h is crazy energy and id eas un o crea ting t he perfecr chess mach in e. Although we never rea lly co n-

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necred on a personal level , I had g reat respect for Jeff. H e loved rhe g ame and worked ar it harder rhan anyone I knew. T h is wo uld he war. l i e had t he w hi te p ieces, a small advantage (white moves first) char was magn ified by our particular marchup. I had done a lor of p repa rat io n on t he white side of m y o pe ning repe rtoire and was les s confid ent wirh black . lie started rhc g ame w ith t reme ndous agg ression , co mi ng !;;rra ig ht

after me w irh a very d ange ro us central pawn storm against m}' Ki ng 's Ind ian Defense. I had never seen th is variat io n before. He moved qu ickly, playing with tern l)·ing confidence , and I was on the ropes from the start. H is central pa w n phalam; seemed to he devouring me, pushIng m e hac k hefore the game even began. H e bristled with cockiness and seemed to mock m e, implying that I had no righr to sit at his chessboa rd . 25

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My chances looked slim right off t he hat. Early In the middk~amt l losr a pawn and then I med to slow down his ini t iat ive by trad ing some pieces. This is risky-when you are down material, excha nging pieces increases your opponent's adva ntage (consider how t he ratio of S to 4 compares to 4 ro 5; 5 to 2; 2 to 1; 1 to O-as pieces come off the chessboard, a small material ed};t can gradually become overwhelm in}; ). Hur I loved the endgame, and headed for ir like a safe house , Whtn we traded queens J eff seemed to sna rl at me. lie was an absolute killer, and he had me by t he rbroar , After t h ree ho urs, the ro umamenr hall was empty as we reached t he end of the game. We were alone but for the rclcvision camera t hat was broadcasting to t he hotel lobby where hundreds of people were garhered around the mon itor, watching and wondering which lit tl e kid would he t he champ and wh ich wo uld be crushed. The silence was suffocaring-c-or maybe t hat was jus t my position . I had a knig ht and five paw ns against his b ishop and six pawns. h looked ho pe less. I remem be r wresrfi ng with t he demons of the p revious year 's heartbreaker while I searched for a way out. Nothi ng there. I went ro the bathroom and cried . The n I was hed my face , steeled myself, buckled down and went back (0 t he board. h was as if I was trapped in dark ju ngle, stuck in t he underb rush, starving, bk-cding and sudde nly t here was a litde lig h t. I' ll never forget the feeling when I sensed my potent ial escape. O ft en in chess, you ftd someth ing is t here before you fi nd it . T he ski n suddenly perks up , senses heigh te n li ke an animal feel ing da nger or prey. The u nconscious alerts the conscious p laye r t hat the re is somet hi ng to be found , and then the search begi ns. I started calrulanng. put t ing thi ngs together. Slowly t he p lan crystallized in my

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m ind . I had to rake my knig ht out of play and g ive up m y rem ain ing pawns ro ser up a long combination rhar wo uld leave Just two kings on (he board- a completely coun terioruirive idea. I found moves rhar were far beyond my years to save rhar game and I'm nor really sure how I did it . \Ve d rew (he game and I became Na tional Cham pio n . I walked out of (he playing hall in a daze, and was h ir by a mob of cheenn g kid s and pa ren ts who had been sucked into t he dra ma of the barrle. O ne coach, an Inte rnationa l Mast er, asked me why I had made a cer rain decision in the middlegame and I had no idea whar he was t alk ing abour , Chess was alread y a wor ld away. T he h uma n it y of ( he mome nt was overwhclrr nng , I watched Jeff slip arou nd t he crowd and approach his farber, whu re jecred h im wirh a cold stare. It was awful.

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T O L EA R N I N G

As you can probably sense, t he scholastic chess world is a deadly p lace. Every year, thousands of boys a nd g irls put their hearts on the line, each child bdievi n,; he o r she may be the best. G lory is a powerful incentive, Inevlrably dreams are dashed, hearts are broken, most fall short of their expecrations because t here is litrlc room at (he top. O frourse (his dynamic can be found in virr ually any ambitious field . Li ttie Leag ue at hletes dream of playing for (heir favorite Major league ream. Kids shooting hoops in (he schoolyards want ttl be like Mike. T he world of actors and musicians is brimm ing with huge expectations, wild com perrtivenexs, and a ti ny window of realistic possibiluy Two q uestions arise. Firsr, whur is (he di fference rhar allows some to fir into t har narrow window en the top ' And second , what is the poinr? If ambition spells probable d isappoi ntme nt, why pursue excellence ? In my opi nion, the answer to bot h q uestions Iits in a well-thought-om approach that inspi res resilience, rhe abili ty to make connecrioos between diverse pursu its, and day-to-dar en joyment of t he

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process, The vast majo rity of motiv ated people, young and old, make reeeible mis takes in rbeir approa ch co learning. T hey fall frust rated by t he wayside whi le those on the road (0 success keep sready on t heir paths. Develop mc n ra l ps yc hologists ha ve cl one cx te nsive research on the effects of a student 's app roach on his or her abili t y co learn and ultimately master material. Dr. Carol Dweck, a leading researcher in t he fi eld of developmental psychology, makes the d istinct ion bet ween mli t) and i'I<"ITmenta] rhco nes of inrclligence. Children who arc "('nt it y rheo nsrsr-c-rhar is, kids who have been iutiuenced by t heir parents and teachers to thi nk in t his manner-are pron(' to use lang uage Iike "I am smart at rhis ~ and to armb ure their SU CCt SS or failure to an ingrained and unalterable level of ahilirv. T hey see their ove rall intel ligence or ski ll level at a certain d iscip line to be a fixed mlilY, a t hing t ha t ca nnot evolve, Incremental theorists, who have picked lip a differem modalit y of learning-let's call them Imm ing '!;toriSliare more prone (0 describe their results with sentences like "I got it because I worked very hard at it" or ~ I should have t ried harder." A child with a learni ng theory of ir nelfigence rends to sense that with hard work, difficult material can be g rasped-c-srep by step, il/(rrliletllall)', the novice can become the master. D weck's researc h has shown rhat when challe nged by d ifficult material, learni ng t heorists are far more likely (0 rise (0 rhc level of the game, while emir}' rhcorisrs are more brirtle and p rone (0 q uit. Childre n who associate success with hard work tend to have a "masrery-orienred response" ro challeng mg siruarions, while childre n who see rhem selves as just plain "smarr" or "dum b," or "good" or "bad " ar

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som erhing , have a "learned helplessness orien tation." 30

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In one wond erfull y revealing scudv, a grou p of chi ldren was interviewed and rhen each child was noted as having eit her an ennry or learning theory of ime lligence. All t he child ren were the n given a series of easy mat h problems, whic h t hey all solved corrccrly. T hen, all the ( hildren were given some very hard problems to solve-problems t hat were too d iffi( ult for rhem. It was clear rhat the learning thecris es were excited by t he challe nge, while t he en tity rheorisrs were dismayed . Com ments would range from "Oh boy, now I'm really gon na have to t ry hard" to "I'm not smart enough for this ." Everyone gcr these problems wrongb ut evide ntly the experience of being challenged had very dIfferent effects. W hat is mosr interesr ing IS t he third stage of this experiment: all t he chi ldren were o nce aguin g iven easy proh lems to solve. Nea rly all of t he leaming theorists breezed right rhroug h the easy material, but t he entity theorists had been so dis pirited by rhe inability ro solve rhe hard problems t hat many of t he m foundered through the easy stuff. T heir self-confidence had been destroyed. W hat is <:ompelli og about th is is that the results have nothing to do with intelligence level. Ve ry smart kids wit h en rity theories rend ro be far more bri n k when challenged tha n kids WIt h learni ng theories who would be considered nor quire as sharp. In fan , some of t he brigh r~s t kids prov~ to be t he most vulnerable to br'Coming hclpks." because they feel the need to live up to and maint ain a perfecrionisr image that is easily and inevitably shat tered . As ao observer of countless talented young chess players, I can vouch for the accuracy of this poi nt-e-some of the most )o;ifteJ players are t he worsr under p ressure, and ha ve rh e ha rdesc t ime rebounding from defeat. How are t hese theories of in rclfige ncc programmed into

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ou r minds? O ften subde differences in parental or instruct ional style can make a huge di ffe renl:e. Enri ry t heorists te nd to have been rold that t hey did well when t hey have succeeded, and that they weren't any good at somethi ng when they have fai k>J. So a kid aces a math test, comes home, and hears "Wow, char's m y boy! As smart as they come!" T hen , next week J oh nny fails an Eng lish tes t and hears "W hat's wrong With you' Can't you read?" or "Your Mom my never liked readi ng eirher-c-obviouxly, it's not )'Imr th ing." So the boy figures he's good at math and bad at English, and what 's more, he links success and failure to ingrained ability. Learn ing rbcorisrs, on the other hand, arc given feed back that is more process-oriented . After doing well on an Eng lish essay, a little gi rl m ight be cungrarulan-d by her reacher with "\'1ow, great job Ju lie! You' re really becoming a wooderful writer! Keep up the good work! " And if she does badly on a mat h tes t, her teacher migh t wr ite "Study a litt le harder for t he nex t one and you' ll do g reat! And feel free to ask me questions any time afte r class, that's what I' m he re for!" So J u lie ka rns to associate effort with success and feels tha t she can become good at anyth ing wit h some hard work. She also feels as t hough she is on a jo urney of learn ing , and her teacher IS a frie ndly asstseanr in her grow th. J oh nny thin ks he's ,l;()(xl at ma th and bad at Eng fish, and he focuses on quick results as opposed til long-term proress-c-bur what hap pens when he does badly on a hard math test do wn t he line' Will he be prepared to learn t he righ t lessons from life's ineVItable challenges! Unfor tunately, he may not. It is d ear tha t patents and reachers have an enormous respo nsibility in formi ng the t heories of in relhgence of t heir stude nts a nd children- and it is never tOO late. It is cri tical to realize t hat we can always evolve in our approaches

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learn ing. Scudies have shown t hat in just min utes, k rds CJ n be conditioned into having a hea lthy learning the ory fi lr a given situat ion . In one study, child ren were g iven di fferent insrruc nons about what the aim of t heir rask was. Some kids were told that solving certain problr-ms would help t he m with thei r schoolwork in the futu re. and othe r kids were told t hat t hey would be judged based on t heir resu lts. In other words. half the kids receival "rnasrery-onerued" lnsrruc nons, and ha lf the kids received "helplessness-produc ing" inst ruct ions. N eed less to say, the kids who were tem po rarily mastery-oriented did m uch be rrer on the tests. So how does all t his all e(( us in our day-to-day lives ? Fun darnemally. T he key to pursumg excelle nce is to em brace an organic, lung-term learning pw <:ess, and nu t to live in a shel l of sracic, safe medioc rity. Usually, growth comes at t he expense of previous comfort or safety. T he hermi t crab is a colorful example of a creatu re tha t lives by th is aspen of t he growth p rocess (albe it wit hout our psycholog ical baggag e). As t he crab gers big,get, it needs to find a more spaci ous shell. So the slow, lum bering creature goes on a quest fo r a new hom e. If an appropria te new shell is nor found q uickly, a terrib ly d elicate moment of trut h arises. A soft crea ture that is used to the protect ion of bui lt-in armor mus t now go out into the world, exposed (() p red arorv in all its m ushy vu lnerability. T hat learning phase in berwcc n shel ls is whe re our g rowrh ca n spring from . Someone stuck with an entity rhcnry of im cllig encc is like an anorexic hermi t crab, sra rving It self so it doesn't g row to have to fi nd a new shell. In m y experience, successful peo p le shoor fur t he stars, p ut their hearts on [he lm e in eve ry ba ttle, and u ltimately discover rha r rhe lessons learned from the pursuit of exce llcnce mean m uch more than t he im mediate trophies and to

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A I' PH1 A C Il l. S TU Lr ARNINc

mig ht never see again. Thi s method of study gave me a feeling for rhe beauuful subdecies of tach chess piece, because in relativel y clear-c ut posi tions I co uld focus on what was essennal . I was also g radually internalizing a marvelous methodolog y of learning-the p lay betwee n k nowled ge, inruirion, and creativity. From bot h ed ucatio nal and tech nical perspectives , llearned from rhe foundation up. Most of my rivals, on the ocher hand, hegan hy stll
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to wi n" ) Chess becomes one-d imensional -winn ing and

winning fasr. C hild ren who beg in (heir chess educat ion b y me morizing open ings (end to internalize an enri ry rheo ry of inrelllgence. T heir d ialog ues wi t h teachers, parem " and ocher childre n are all abo ur res ults, no r effo rt . T hey consider t hemselves wi nners because so far (hey have won. In school, t hey foc us on what comes eas y to t hem a nd ig nore t he subjeers rhar are harder. O n (he playg ro u nd , t hey use t he fam ou s "I wasn't rrying" after m issing a shot or striki ng our. O nce I was in Arizona g iving ,I lect u re and sim ultaneous ex hibition * to a large grou p of young chess players and parents, and t he orga ni zer of t he event picked me up at t he airpo rt bmgsing that his son had n't lost a chess game in over a yea r. O hv iously t h is was a record t he w hole fam ily was p roud of, I knew what was coming- -dassic anorexic her m it crab. When I met t he ch ild , he was a mod erately ralen red boy who was t he besr in his school. H e had learned some quick opening attac ks and had a natu ral feel for basic chess tactics. Clearl y he had started win ning and had been praised effusively fo r his geni us. As a resul t, t he boy refused to play anyone outsid e of the circ le of friends and competi tors who m he knew to be inferior (his favo rite opponent was his tather, who was a weak player and no challe nge ar all). To his

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AI'PH1A cIlr s T U

L rAR NIN c

Sd1001 b uddies, th is boy was a chess god, h ut compa red to serious chess-playing chi ld ren around t he country, he had a long way to go. l ie was a big fis h in a small pond and he liked it that way. The boy avoided chess thro ughout my visit. H e didn't wanr to play in rhc sim ultaneous exhibi tion and was (he only child at the event who was resistant to inscruction. H is win ni ng streak and the consran r ta lk ofit had h im all locked up---he was terrified of shanering r he facade of pt:'rfen ion . T his chi ld was paralyzed by an eve r-deepeni ng cycle of en ri ry indoctr inat ion. Many kids like this are quire ralenred , so they excel ar fi rst beca use of good genes- but rhen t hey hi t a roadblock. As (hess struggles become more intense and oppone nts p ut lip serio us resistance , they stan to lost:' in terest in {he game. T hey try to avo id challenges , but event ually the real wo rl d finds them , T hei r confide nce is fragile. Losing is always a crisis ins tead of an op po rt un ity for grow th-if t hey were a winner because they won, th is new losi ng mus e ma ke them a loser. T he long-term effects of "opening mad ness" are dear, b ut there are also serious immediate weak nesses in young chess players brough t up in t h is envi ron me nt. j usr as {here are lllevi(ab le ups and dow ns in a career, t here are a lso moment u m shifts in individ ual games. Most of m y early rivals we re gifted children, and t hey we re prepared wit h h und reds of n aps with whic h they could win rig ht off t he bat. P laying agai n., ( t hese kids was like walking t hrough a m inefield , hu t I was good enough on my feet to navig ate most of the d anger. I often came out of t he open ings in a lirt le bir of trouble, bu t then I rook control. As ou r games p rogressed, my opponen ts moved away from t hei r area o f comfort while I g rew stro nger and more confident. T hey

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remem ber being crus hed by m~' a rch rival in a sudden-death p layoff of t he U.S. J u nior (Under 21) Cham pionsh ip a year befo re I wo n t he rc urnamen r ou t rig h t. T hen t here was t he final ro und of t he U nd er 18 W orld Chess Championshi p in Szeg eJ , H u ngary I was on board one co mpeting aga inst t he R ussian for the world t itle- inches from a life's dream, I was offered a draw, a chance ro share rhe };Iory. A ll I had to do was shake hands, but J declined, pushed for a w in, and lost---such agony! T hese moments in my life were wrac ked with pain, b ut rhey were also defin ing g ut-checks p acked wi th po[('n rial. T he setbacks taught me how to succeed. And what kep t me on my path was a love for learning t hat has its mots in m y first chess lessons as a six-year-o ld boy.

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After I won my fi rst Na t ional Championsh ip, m y ch ess life started gathering m omenr um. M y passion for t he game fueled a long ride (If unh indered learn ing and inspired perfortnance . Fro m nine [0 seven tee n. I was t he rep-ranked p layer fo r m y agc in the m umry. I won eig ht individua l N at iona l Cham pionship rides, cap tained my school to W l11 ning seven ream N at ionals, and represented America in sill \'Xlorld Cham p ion shi ps. T hese we re years of trem end ous growth, and as I gor deeper in ro t he heart of che ss, the art became a ri veting window of sel f-exploration. A key ingred ient to my success In [hose years was that my style on t he chessbo ard was a di n-er expression of m y pcr.;onalicy. It is m y na ture to revel in appa rent chaos. I' ve always loved thu nd ersto rm s, bli zzards, hurr icanes, rough seas , sharky waters. Since ch ild hood , incle ment cond it ions h ave inspired me , and as a you ng com pe t itor I would gu ide critical chess games in ro posit ions of treme ndo us com plexity with t he confidence t hat I would be abl e to SOrt th rough t he mayhem more effect ively chan my opponents. I often sensed a log ical th read co positions t hat seemed irra rion al-c-playing excit ing chess felt like discover ing hidd en har monies. I was

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a free-flow ing performer, un blocked by psychologi cal issues and hu n;l;erin}; for crea tive leaps. One of t he mos r cr itical strengths of a superior competitor in any d iscipline-whether we are speaking about spores. bmines., negociario ns, or even presidential dcbares-c-is t he" ability co d ictate t he cone of the battle. Ma ny of my you ng [hess ri vals preferred to keep rhe g ame in control. They played openi ngs cha t t hey had memorized , played them over and over ag ain. T hey han kered for rari ng po ints, calculated what the next resu lt would do en their natio nal ranki ng, and their materialist ic d isposit ions made t hem uncom fortab le in t he stormy posit io ns in which I t hrived. Because of m y classical chess ed ucati on and my love for t he endgame as well as crazy midd leg ames, I was usually able to move t he posit ion coward one of my srreng rhs. T h ings got a bit more com plicated whe n I was ten years old and I sra rred to compete almost exclusively in ad ult to u rnaments, o nly playing kid s in the N at ionals o r World Championships. T h is was a big change because h ig h ly experie nced tou rna me nt players cou ld ofte n gu ide rho chess position into dosed, srra regical bat tles wh ich were nor to m y liki ng . As I cu hivared m y srre ngchs, I also had to rake on t he more abs tract ele me nts of lng b. tevel chess so I could compere l:'Hec:rively wi th more seasoned opponents. j usr as m uscles gee st ronger when t hey arc p ushed, good corn perito rs te nd to rise to the level of the opposition . T he adu lt chess worl d toughened me up, made m e' inr ros pccrivc and a lways on t he lookout for flaws co he improved on. A bonus ((J playing grow n-ups is t hat whe neve r I com pe ted in a scholast ic Nat ionals I had t remendo us con fi d ence-t hese were on ly kids afeer all. T he transit ion to open tou rnam ents also fo rced me to

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take on t he iss ue of endurance. In scholasnc events , a single chess ~ame rarely lasts more than t hree hours. In most ad ult compermons, each player has to make his or her fi rse forty moves in rwo hours (a four-hour time control). Then t here is an additional hour for each pla yer for every sun:eedi ng t wen ty mo ves. If e nough moves are played, a game ran conrinue tilt what feels to a child like c rerruty, O lder op ponents know thar kids have less starnrna for long barcles, so they sometimes mad e the ~ames d rag on ro tire me our. O nce in Philadel phia, a ru thless fellow made me play for over nine hours. I was tell years old and he sat stalling ar the boa rd in fro m of obvious moves for forty-five min utes at a ti me . It was terrible, hut a lesson learned . O n top of everyth ing else, I had to d evelop the abili ry to run a mental marathon. C hess was a constant challe nge. My who le career, my father and I searched o m opponents who were a li nk stronger rhan me, so even as 1 do minated the scholastic circuit , losing was part of my regular expe rience. I believe th is was importa nt for ma intaining a health y pe rspective on the game. W hile there was a lot of ptessure on my shoulders, fear of failure didn't move me so m uch as an in tense passion fo r t he game. I thi nk t he arc of losing a heartbreaker before winning my fi rst big ti cle ~avt' me license to com pe te on the cxlge. T his is not to say that losing d idn't h urt . It did . There is something part icu larly painful abou t being beaten in a chess game. In the course of a battle, eac h player puts every ounce of his or her tac neal. straregica}, emotional, physical, and spiritual being mro t he st ruggle. T he brain is p ushed through terrib le tr ials; we screrch every fi ber of our mental rapaci ty; the whole body aches from exhaustion afte r hours

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o f rapt co ncent rati o n. In t he co u rse of a d ynam ic chess fi};ht, there will be shi fts in moment um , near m isses, narrow escapes , innovati ve creations. and precise refuearions. W hen your posit ion teeters on the brink ofdisaste r, it feels like your life is o n t he lin e, W hen you wi n , you survive anot he r d ay. When you lose, it is as if someone has rom O ut you r heart and stepped on it. N o exagge rarion. Lo sing is bruta l. T his brings lip an incipient da nget in wh at may ap pear to be an increme ntal approac h . I have seen m any people in di verse field s rake some version of rhc pllx:es,-fiN [ philosophy and t ransform it into an excuse for never putting themselves on rbc li ne or pretend ing not to care about resul ts. T hey cla im to he cgolcss, to care on ly about learning , bur rcallv t his is an excuse to avoid ronfronnng t hem selves. This issue of p rocess vs. goalis very delicate, and I want to carefu lly define how I feel the quesno n should be navig ated . It would be easy to read about t he studies on ent ity vs. incremental th eories of intelligence and come to the conclusion that a child sho uld never win or lose. I don't believe {his is t he case . If that chi ld d iscovers any am binon to pursue excellence in a g iven field later in life, he or she may lack the toug hness to hand le inevitable obstacles. \Vhile a fixat ion on resu lts is certainly u nhealthy, sho rt-term goals can be usefu l developmental ((K JIs if rhey are balanced wi th in a nurt uring lon g- term p hi losop hy. Too m uch sheln'ring from resu lts ca n be stunt ing. The road to success is not easy or else the g rcatcsr at what they do---we m.'I.'J to everyone wo uld be psycho logically prepared to face t he unavoidable cha lleng es along our way, and when ir comes duwn to it , t he only way to learn how to swtrn is hy ge [[i ng in the wate r. Let's p ut ou rselves in the shoes of the mot her of a ralenred you ng chess p layer I k now nam ed Da nn y. T his seven-year-

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01(1 boy just loves chess. III" can't get enough. lie scudies chess for a half hour every day, plays on rhe Inrernet , and takes a lesson from an expert once a week. lie has recently started competi ng in scholastic chess rournarnenrs, and t he mother finds herself swq)t away by the exciti ng at mosphere. She finds her own sense of well-being flU Cluati ng with Danny's wins and losses. T his woman is a substantial, sensitive, mrelligent person and she doesn 't want to put an extra burden o n he r son's shoulders. She is aware o f t he en rity/incremc nral dynamic and so when Da nny loses, she wants (0 tell him it doesn't marrer. Bur ob viously it d oes matter. II ~ lOSEand is sad. To tell him it doesn't mat ter is almost to insu lt his Inte lligence . W hat should she do' T his real-life dyna mic has parallels in virt ually every fi el(l, although we are often our own paren t In rhe moment, Ilow can we balance long-term process wit h short-term goals and inevimble serbacks> Lee's d ive in. Dan ny is an inrelligenr boy who has decided (0 dedicate himself for t he ti me being [Q chess. He loves rhe challenge of facing off with other young minds and stretchi ng himself to think a lirrle furt her and more accura tely than he cou ld rhe day before. T here is nothing like a wort hy op pon~ nt to show us ou r weaknesses and push us to our lim it. It is good for Dann y to com pere, bu t ir is essential tha t he do so in a healrhy manner. f irst of all, in the spirir of rhe previous chapter, Dan ny's mom can help him internalize a proress-firsr approach by making her everyday feedback respond to efforr over results. She should praise good concenrratiun, a good day's work, a lesson learned. When he wins a tournament game, the spotlight should be on t he road [Q t hat moment and beyond as opposed ro t he glory. O n the other hand, it is okay for a

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",,,d,« , h.... ld !, IV< I\<". ,,,n .. 10,,1" If ho: " t- I,........ him , I ),"I'I~)in,_ n " i•• f" " ~ ,t.<- f< t'0Il •• l n. ~ ~) i(1)< ~ "" ., hI, ""'r1'<'f><'J in , .... l!. me. Hopefull) , he Ion"", .......... "'"""" and , hild ..·ill "'~l' bt eo«4bliut p ,.d.." e", and ,0.1 I'" ~ ,1It' . t-. ~.houlJ b<, Itii: "".oUt'I' , '''''''''''''"'' •

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when Dan ny and his reacher study the games). Did he lose his concenrra rion ? Did he fa ll in to a downward spi ral and make a bu nch of m istakes in a row' Was he overconfident? Impatient? D id he get psyched om by a crash talker? Was he tirtxl ? Dan ny w ill have an idea about his psychological slip, and caking on thar issue will be a short-term goal in the continuing process-introspective t hin king of this nature can be a very hea lthy coping mechan ism. Thro ugh t hese dialogues, Da nny will learn t hat every loss is an opportunity for growth. He w ill become in creas ing ly astute psychologicall y and sens itive to bad habits . A heartfelt, cmparhetically present, incrementally inspiring mom or dad or coach can hbcrare an amhino us ch ild to take t he world by t he hums. As adults, we have to take respo nsihi lity for ourselves and nu rtu re a healthy, Iiberated mind-set. We need to p ur ourselves om there, give it our all, and reap rhe lesson, wi n or lose. T he ran of t be matter is that there will be nothi ng learned from any challenge in whic h Wt' don 't tty o ur ha rdest . G rowth comes at the point of resista nce. We learn hy push iog ourselves and fi ndi ng what really lies at the outer reaches of our abil ities.

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• • • As I matured as a chess player, there were cons ranrl y leaps into rhc unknow n. Because of my grow t h cu rve, my life was like that hermit crab who never fi ts into the same she ll for more t han a few dayv. I would have to learn esoteric, initially uncom fortable t ypes of chess positions. J would rake on dangerous new rivals who recently emigra ted from Eastern Europe or the Soviet Union. I'd travel to distant countries to compete and need to adapr to t he alien cultura l and chessic custo ms on the spur of the moment.

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remembe r w hen I was eleven years old I went to Ti misoa ra, Rom ania [0 represen t Ame rica in rbe World Championship (or everyone under t he age of twelve. Each co untry send s thei r champ ion , and we go co barrle. M y dad am] I had t rou ble findi ng the cnmpe ti rion sire on the ope ning d ay and I arr ived late co the first round . Whe n r fi nally gOl co m y seat across from rhe N at ional Champion of Q arar, t here were rlurr y rr unutes already off my cloc k- a large disadvan tage. "lo make matte rs worse, I didn't recog nize an)' piec es on the chessboard. The un rradiriona l chess set t he Romanians had chosen for the tournament was com pletely bizarre to m e, I was sirring in front of a g amc' I had never seen hcfore-lJke one of my ch ild hood mg h rma res wh ere I could n't remem ber how to m ove rhe pieces and cam eras wele flashing in my face, T he mom ent was quire alarm mg . It t urns out t hat I handled t he siruarion p ret t y well . I w ok a lew d eep breaths, m ad e m y opening m ove , and p layed somew he re bet ween bl indfold and look ing at rhe board. Chess was in my blood even if rhar set was not . I moved q u ickly to catch up on t he cl ock , ca lculated in my head as I had done so oflen in trai n ing, an d won t hat first round without much reouble. T hen I spe nt m uch of t he evening ge tt ing used to t he chess pieces and had an excellent tour nam ent over the next t wo weeks. One o f t he more cmononal runvcmcnrs in m y you ng life cam e as I was tu rn ing eleven years old and had co make t he pain fu l trans iti on away from my firv r teacher, Bruce Pan {Iolfi n i. I loved Bruce , he was part of my fam ily, hu t I was improving quickly and he just wasn 't a strun g enoug h p layer to keep on coachi ng me , Bruce was a National Masrer who hadn't bee n act ive in tournaments in years, and I wav already approaching his level. We found a wonderful

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new coach, Ch ile-an Internat io nal Master Victor Frias, who in rime would become a " t ry dea r friend of my fami ly. Breaking from Bruce felt like losing a part of myself. T hat same year, my father's brutally honest book Sean-hi lli!, fit/" Bobh)' f iJf!Jer was released aro und t he worl d . Ir was a beaurifully wrirren account ofour journey together d uring my rise ro wi n ni ng rny /111;t na tional nt le and years later it would inspire [he Paramoun t film of the same name. I was already wel l-know n in t he chess world, b u t now I was really out t here, wh ich put some extra pressure on my shoulders. I went on all t he telev ision shows wirh my awkward adolesce nt afro and g oofy smi le. Jane Pau ley on T be T Mil)' Sbf)/(' asked me whethe r I wanted ro he like Boh hy Fi scher. J ust t hen t he mus ic scarred playing , which m ean t I had five seconds to an swer, and I knew Boh hy Fischer was crazy so I ca me ou t with t he b rilliam close r: "No, I neve r wanr to be like Hobby Fischer, ili!,ililt , " Ag ain ~ Wha t is t h is kid ta lking abo ut ? I was having a g rear time ,10d was just innocent enough to avoid being messed up by the sporligh r. I dove dee per and d eeper into chess. O f course there were plateaus, pe riod s when m y results leveled off whi le I internalized the information necessary for my next grow th sp urt, b ut I didn't m ind . I had a burning love for chess and so I p ushed t h roug h t he rocky periods wi t h a can -do artir ude. I becam e a C hess Master a few days after turn ing t h irtee n , beaEing Fischer's m ark of thi rtee n years five months. Peop le were say ing that I was a furu re W orld Champi o n, bu t I didn'r hear t hem . I was a Co mpetitor w ho k new winning and losing and t he hair's bread th be rween. My rivals d id n't cart abou t rt pUlario n-c-chey JUSt wanted to crush me and I had to keep it real, T here were a few powerful moments t hat reinforced my young notion that g lory had lirrle to do wit h happiness or

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long-te rm success. I'll neve r forget wal king ouc of the playin}; hall of rhe I ')')0 Elernenrary School Nat ional C ham p ionships after winning t he t id e game. T here were over 1,')00 competitors at the event, all the st ron gest young players from arou nd the cou ntry, I had just won the whole th ing .. . and everythi ng felt normal. I stood in the convennon ha ll looking around. There was no euphoria, no opening of rhe heave ns. T he wo rld was the same as ir had been a few days before. I was J osh. I had a grea r mom and d ad and a CUt~ litrlc siste r Kar ya who was fun ro play with. I loved chess and sports and gi rls and fishin g . W hen I wou ld g o back to school on Monday, my frien ds would say" Awright! " like t hey di d after hi rri ng a jump shot, and the n It would he in t he past and we would go p lay foo tba ll.

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T HE S O FT Z O N E

"Los e You rself"

\n ...ldJ " ni" r Chen Cha",p ion , hip

C" liad, In d ia N",.,,,,he r 199 J

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I u-as iiaen ye"m old. sittmg at a chmf,rmrd in Calimt. I ndia. SU'Mt dripped dOIl'n Illy ,ides {1.I I haflled tf! stay formed ill the

,'I...,/terinK heat. The sun u-as hiKh. the air Jfill. the 1'0011I JIItffid u-itb rNJtlinK uvdd..daH thillkers. I had travdedfrom Neu' York City ta represent Allleri,a in The Wfirld Champlomhip ffir rhm plaJers under the aKe 0ITu·mtJ'-lme. Each ((Iltlltry' sent its lIatilmal challlpi,m 1'1 mil/pete ill a }!,mdill}!, tuv!-II'eek marathon 01pun: amccntranon , md"rana:. cakulatron, slrategy---all-wl/ psychologtcal u-ar: Aly father and 1 had fillu 'lI illt" BOlllba)' a uwk earlier alld had traNled ,0Mh 10 the et'fllt. u·lx," f illet IllJ girlfriend. IlhOIl
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frimd\hips. Playm ty)' 10 deJtroJ tbar or/Mlm/J, 10 mill Ihm Iltts. mid then tho reJlett '/11 tbe batt/(. lid: their u~lIlI/dJ. 0111 tlx ImlillJ. alld takf a U'alk. Fronr one plffJpeain: the appanmt is the enemy. A" the other hand there iJ 110 one uho kIlOIl'> )'011 more ilitilliately. no 'Ille who ,-hal/e'!y,eJ )'1111 JII pmfll1fndlJ or pmhes yon to excellence alld grlll/,th .10 relellt/ml)'. 5ittillKat ,1 chessboard. jmt feet au·aJfm!llthe lither. )011 fan hear net) brealh. f ed fafh qtaoer. sense an)' flicke r offiar Iff exhilaration . Hour.! paJs uith )lmr mtire kinK tapping into Yllllr IiPP/lllflil J pJ)',-he. «bile the lither fill/Oil'> Yllll r thl!1l}!,htJ like a sl;adou' and yearnsftr )'Olfr demise. Brilliallt minds all arr.!11l1d the u"ffld del!Olt thefme/fY;> til the imense stlfdy 'ifthir flly>Ii'T'iofIJ. bmtal mldiMIMI Jpllrt. and then tile best (If thelll ml/ide f1I di.>tant /llftl'mtJ. Ho-e I u-as. in a umnge f arau'a)' land. sueatmg 111 ,he lipprtsuve heal, trying ({I find til) belwlIfi art IfIlhe jigllrifltJ ill f rallf of me. A hm·'e me tlJ(mJandJ of spectatllrJ hun}!, fm/illhe "'f ten, uhispering. Haring at the chmhMrdJ like SlIlra- JWleh{lu' chess and Illdia resonate like al/e/elll losers. I u-as diJjllinld. IIII( Ii I..had::. em yet ret/led mto the rhythm 'iflhe 10flrn,m/flil. EI'I'I/ fiff lhe /114.1ter: JllllletillleJ [hess call/ee/like hilI/Ie. alld somamm it call be W!IIpletelyalimatillg. a forei}!,l1 jlll/;:,le Ihall/1l1J1 he explored al i/ for tbe jim time, I 1I'aJ lr)'l1/g tojil/d 111)' /l'a)' home. A m m f",11/ file was the Indian Nali'mal Champion, 411d belween Ibe tU'(I rif us laJ rne friliral pmition (If 11111' Jtrll}!,gk \Fe u-ere thm: hoars inlolhe baflle and I had ieen Ihinkinglor flU/if) nunotes. A mr/{iIIJ fhing happmed in tlMt lime. So [ar I hid been grmdil/g III)' lI'a)' Ihmllgh fhi.> gall/e. If 1I'dJ the fim mill/d. I l;ad 11'/fl"u~ no iml'ired iduJJ. the l'it,;eJ trere alien. the pmili,)/} JtranKe. After a{}(J11I lell /1/inllleJ of Iho/lghl. Illt:gan to lose 1II)'JtI/ in the I'arialiom. II is a Jlral/gejiding. f iru J{llf are a perJon Iwking at a dkJ>hfldrd. Yilll falwlate lh",lIp,h the l'aril!1lJ altrrllali,'es. the

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1/I/1/d gaining Jpmi a> it pam thrrJllgh the co1l/pkdtifJ. Hfllii COIIscioasness 11line's separation fn/III the paJitilllJ ebbJ au,,) and uixd remsrm /J the Jmsation of Ixillg illJim: the Okrgellf dJt:JJ flow. Tht:n tbe lIIind JlWI'1:J u-ith the speed ofan ele<"1rlt"a/ an-rent. {(J/fIplex problelllJ are breezed thrl!ll",h u-itb an intuitwe daritJ. YO/l get deeper ami dt:eper into the JOlilof tbe chen p()Jition. time fallJ away. the nmapt of "l" is "'III/e. "II that exists iJ blissful fngdgemmt. plln premia. ahwlllfe fUm: I 11m in the zone and tmll there U'dJ an earthqlwke. Et'fr),thinJ:. started toJhake and tlx liJ:.htJ /lUlt osr: Tm raften expli)(led with Iwise. pwple ran Ollt of the blii/dillg. I Jilt Jlill, I eneu- //'&It u-as happening. bllt / experienced it f mm u-ithin the fmU poSItilln, There u-as a J/lrreal J)'fICr,U" IIf me and nil me. p,m th/!/Ixht and the au -areness IIfa thinker- l udJn't me lilokinx at the ,hm fmJi!lllll. hilt I U'IlS auwre IIf IIJ)Jflj and the Jhllking II'fff!d j rom lI'ithm the sermifJ ojpllre engagemefll-and thm I Jotl'ed the /he!Spmblelll. Sfl/IJeh"u -the earthquake and the dyinp, lights spllrred Ilk to rm:/ation. I hIldn erJJtalliZtltion of Imllght. I'f:J1Irjafui. and t'afated the trembling pla)'ing 1'00'11. \Fhell I returned and pia)' reJlillled. / iII/mediately made III) 1IIf}/'( and u-enr lin til u-in the gatlJe.

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• • • This in tense moment of my life was t he launch ing p oint for my serious investijrarion of t he nuances of performa nce psy chology I had used an earthq uake ro reach a h igher stare of consciousness and d iscove r a c hess solution I may not have ot herwise fou nd . As t his hook evo lves , I w ill g radually lay out my curren t met hodology for rriggerin}; such Sla tes of creative Aow. Evenrually, hr systernarically t rain ing on eself, a comperiror can learn how to Jo this at will. But the fi rst obstad e I had to overcome as a young chess player was to 53

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avoid being d istracted by random , unex pected events- by d ie mini eart hq uakes tha t afffiu all of our days. In performance t raining , fi rst we learn to flo w wit h wha te ver comes. Then we learn to use whatever comes to our adv antag e. Finally, we learn to be com pletely self-suffi cient and create o ur own earthq uakes, so o ur mental process feeds itself explosive inspiranons wit ho ut the need for ou tside st im ulus. T he init ial step along this path is co attain wha t sports psycholog ists call The Slift Z one. Envision t he Zone as your performance stale. * ¥ou are concen trated on th e task at hand , whet her it be a piece of m usic, a legal hr jcf a financial doc um ent, d riving a car, anythi ng. T hen something happens. Maybe your spouse comes home, you r baby wakes u p and starts screaming , yo ur boss calls you with an u nreasonable d emand , a t ruck has a blowout in front of you. T he nature of pmr state of co ncent rat ion will de termi ne the first p hase of your react ion- if you are tense, with your fi ngers jammed in your ears and your w hole hod y st raining to fi ght off distractio n, t hen you ate in a Hard Z onr that demands a cooperative world for )'OU to fum- non. Like a dry t wig , you are b rittle , ready to snap u nder p ressu re. T he alternative is for you to be qu ietly, intensely focused, apparently relaxed with a serene look on you r fate, bur imide all the mental juices are chu rning. You flow with whatever comes, inregrarmg every ripple of lile in to you r creat ive moment, T his Sof t Z mle is resi lient , like a fl exible blade ofgrass that can move With and survi ve hu rr-ica ne-force winds.

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Another way of e nvis ioning the Importance of t he Soft Zone is t hrough an ancient Ind ian parable t hat has been q uire ins tructive in my life for many years: A man wants to walk across the land , but the earth is covered with thorns. He has two optio ns-c-o m- is to pave his mad, to tame all of nat ure inro com pliance. T he other is to make sandals. Making sandals is t he interna l sol ut ion. Like t he Soft Zone, it does not base success on a submissive worl d or overpoweri ng forc e, bu t o n i n tel lig e n t p repa ra t io n a nd cu l tivated resilience. My relationshi p to this issue of cop ing with disrracnon began with rhe q uirkiness of a te n-year-old boy. In the last chapter I men tioned that as my chess understand ing grew more sophisrkared and I rransirioned to adult roumarne nrs, my ga mes tended to last longer, sometrrnes go mg on tOr SIX or eig ht hours. Kids have t rouble focusing for so long and strange things can happen til a young mind strai ni ng und er intense p ressure. O ne day I was working my way thro ugh a complex posicion in a tourname nt at the Manhattan Chess Clu b, and a Bon )ovi song J had heard earlier in the day entered m y mi nd. I rried to push it awa y and ret urn to my calc ulat ion , but it just wouldn't leave me alone. At firs t t his seemed funn y, b ut soon t he m usic eclipsed t he chess game. I couldn't think, and ended up blundering and losing . Soo n cnough, t his problem became rampant in m y ( hess life. If I heard a part icularly catchy tune at home or on t he way to a rnurnamcr n, I would sometimes he haunted by it for days. T his might sound t rivial, bu t for Ole it was disasrr ous-c-chere I'd be, eleven yean; old , faling down a wily old chess master, and the t heme song from GhOJrh/tSft1'J would he hammering away in my b rain. TIle more I cried to block Out rhc dixtracrion, the louder it would ge t in my head. As a

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young boy I felt alone with th is p roblem. but In recent years while lect uring on performance psycholog y, I have found that many hig h-stress performers have sim ilar symptoms. O ve r rime, as I became more and more fixated on irriraring mental m usic, I started being bothered by noises I had never even noticed before. In a silent playing hall, the sound of a dis ran r ambulance or whispering spec tators can be an up roar. A ticking chess clock can he a tell tale heart , pou nd in}; like thunder in you r m ind . I was having terrible and hilarious noise problems , and (he n one dar I had a breakrhro ugh. I was playing a tournament in Ph iladelp hia with a Ph il Collins song ranli ng away in my b rain when I realized t hat I could t h ink to t he heat of the song. My chess calc ulat ions beg.m ro move co the rhyt hm of t he music, and I played an inspired gam",. After t his moment , I took the bull by the horns and began rrai ni ng to have a more resilient concentra ti on. I realized t hat in top-rank compe tition I couldn't count on the world being silene, so my o nly option was to become at peace with the no ise. The victims of my training met hod were my parents and sister. A few ti mes a week, while study ing chess in my bedroom, I blasted mus ic. Sometimes it was m usic I liked, somerunes mus « I didn't like. For a pe ri od of many months 1 blared boomi n,L: G yu w monk cha ms, which drove my siste r, Karya, to u t ter distractio n. Mr family 's little apartment was besieged by my bizarre training concept, and if's amazing they PU( up with me. My idea was to become at peace with distraction, whatever it was. D uring t h is period of t ime, in my early tee ns, J frequen ted chess shops near my home an d played speed chess in clouds of sm oke, which I have always hated. o f course I also played in W,lshi ngton Square Park, where cons istent k ibi tzing and a steady stream

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of chess banter IS parr of t he ga me. T he re was no blocking out the noise or smoke, and my onl y option was to inregrare m y en vironment into my creati ve p rocess. So if Bon )ovi was playing , I m ig ht be prone to play a bit mo re agg ressively tha n when I had on q uiet classical mu sic The G yu ro mon k cham s pou nded me in to fascinat ing r hessic d iscove ries. Voices in th e park ins pired me as t hey had when I was a young boy. The smoke I learn ed to live wi t h. As I turned fo urtee n and then fifteen years old , m y Soft Zone [rai ning was really pm to the rest. The r om peririon for the to p of t he American scholasric chess ranki ng was sr iffencd by a tremendous Infl ux of Soviet im mig rants. As the Soviet Unio n fel l apart, man}' of the powe rful Russian players looked to r op pcr runi t y in t he west. These kid s were highl y rsained , excel len t fighrers, w ho had been schooled in the famous Pioneers' Palaces of Moscow and Leni ngrad." Many (If t hese new rivals were ar med w it h a repertoire of psychological "rucks" that p resented serious chal lenges. One of t he more interest ing eacncs was imple rnen red by a Russian boy w hom I had trou ble wi th for a pe riod of mont hs before I caug h t on to h is game. H e was a very st rong player so our d ashes were always tense , but fi,r some reason I tend ed to make careless errors agamsr hi m in t he r rirical posit ions. T he n one dar, an old Bulg arian Master named Rudy Blu menfeld ap proached my farher in t he Marshall Chess Cl ub and asked hi m if we were aware of what th is boy was doing ro me. We were not. H e explained t hat in the cl imactic moment s of the st rugg le, w hen I had to b uc kle

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dow n and pati ently work m y way t hrough the complications rc fi nd a precise solution, this boy would start to ta p a ( hess piece on rhe side of the table, barely aud ible, but at a pace rhar entered and sligh tly quickened m y menral process. T his subt le ractic was hig hly effective an d I later fou nd out t hat it was an offspring of the Soviet stud y of hypnosis and mi nd cont rol. Th e next rime we played, I was on the looko ut [or t he tap ping and sure e nough, in t he critical rnornenr It was righr rhe re. H ilarious, O nce I was aware of what was happe.. ning , I was able to rum t he tables in our rivalry. Some of t he other young Russian players were far less subtle, and had "r-icks" rhar cmssed rhc borders of sporti ng ethics. O ne o[ these boys , who was m y arch rival for years, had the habi t ufkicking me under the table duri ng the critical r nomenrs of a game, He would a lso get up [rom t he board at to urnaments and talk about t he posirion in Russian with his coach, a famous G rand master. There we re complaints, b ut linle was d one to stop the cheati ng . N o one could p row what was discussed because of the language barrier, and the trut h is t hat it d id n't even marrero While valuable chess ideas mig h t haw been exchanged , the psycholo).;ical etten was m uch more critical. O pponents felt helpless and wronged-they took on the men tality of VICtim and so half t he batt le was already lost. More tha n once, I watched wI' young American players red uced to tears b}' t his kid- but these d irty tactics were not reserved for local soi l. In 199 3, when we were SIX teen, th is Russian boy and I both t raveled to Ind ia to jointl y represent America in t he World Under 2 1 Champ io nship and a formal protest was lodged against t he American team by seve n or eig ht delega(ions because he was blaramly cheati ng a t (he event . Com-

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per ir o rs (rom all o ver r be worl d app roached me a nd demanded ro k now ho w the Americans r uuld do such a th ing. I was em bar ras sed to be associated with this kid and h is seedy reperto ire. As a rcsul r of t h is shift of to ne in rhc US. .scholastic scene, many o( m y American contemporaries became dis pi rited and qu it rhe g ame - The Russian kid s were g reac players who p resented a who le new set of challe nges, and insread of adapti ng and raising their ,; a m~, American kid s dropped nut. For my ("1.n, the new crew of brilliant Mach iavell ian rivals made me buckle down. I had my home turf to defend and the first step would be to learn how to hand le d irty opponents without losing my cool. Sometimes no ti cing t he psyeholo;l;ital ruc ric was enough to tende r ir harm less-but in the case oCthe kicking and barefaced r he-ating, I really had to take on my em otions. T hese breaks (rom etiq uerte were outrageous in t he chess world and I was appalled. The pmblem is t hat when I got an g ry, I was t h ro wn off m y ga me. I tried to stay level-headed , but t h is one rival of mi ne had no limits. H e woul d push me to th e point of u tter exaspe rat ion and I wo uld ofre n self-dearrucr , I have come ro believe tha t t he so lut io n ro this type of sit uation does not l,e in d enying ou r emot ions, bur in learn ing to use them ro our adva ntage. Instead of st iflin.c: myself, I needed to c han nel m y mood inro heig htened focus-and I can't honestly say t hat I figured OUt how to do chis co nsistently until years inro my martial arts career when d irt y opponents cried to take out my k nees , target the groin , or head- burr me in t he nose in r om perinon ." *s....

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My w hole li fe r h ave wor ked o n t h is issue. Mental resilience is arguably the mos t cri tical trai t of a world -class performer, and it should be nurtu red continuously. Lefr to my ow n devices , I am always looki ng for ways {O become more and more psycho log ically impregnab le. W hen uncomfortab le, m y insrincc is not to avoid the dis com fort but to become at !Xace wit h it. \V hen injured. which happe ns frequently in (he life of a mart ial artist, I t ry {O avoid painkillers and to change the sensation of pa in in to a teding that is not necessarily neg at ive. My ins rinct is always W seek out challenges as opposed to avo iding t hem . T his type of internal work ca n rake p lace in t he little moments of ou r lives. I mentioned how my style over t he board was to create chessic mayhem and then to sun m y way t h roug h the chaos more effectivel y t han my op po ne nts . This was a muscle I bui lt up by traini ng m yself (0 be at peace wit h the u nclear and rum ul ruous-c-and most of the tmi ni ng was in everyday life. For example, since m y teens, when I play cards, say gi n rummy, I rarely arrange my hand . I leave t he melds all over the p lace an d do th e orga nizacion in my head . I've never bee n a neal g uy by nat ure, a nd I furthered my messiness for years by consciously leaving my living area ch aot ic so I could pracnce organIZ ing thing s mentally and bein}; mellow in t he mad ness. Of cou rse t his process is neve r co mp lete. As I am wri ti ng (his section, a lawn mower just went inro gear righr ou t side. A few mi nutes ago J g(l( up W close the window, but the n I sat bac k d own and left it open . The irony was ( 00 th ick .

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T H E D O W N W A RD S P IRA L

Beginn ing when I was eighteen years old, I spent four years coaching a grou p of talented young chess students at Public School nr; in New York City. T he class usually conxiseed of abou t fi fteen chil dren, but ( he core of the team was a g roup of six second-graders, all friends, all enthusiastic, sp irited learners whose rowd iness was offset by a passion for chess. I loved (hose kids. We had wonderful rimes ,IS I watched them g row, and eventually (he (earn became city cham pions, scare champions, placed second in the kindergarten t hroug h fifth g rade National Cham pio nship in 199 9 , and rwo of them won individual nat ional titles. I'm sure (hat over t he years I learned as much from those kids as t hey learned from me. There was some thing so refresh in).; in seeing their innate, unsullied cunosiry in contrast to t he mare nal ambition rhar moved most of my older chess rivals. One idea r taught was the im portance of regaining presence and clariry of mind after mak ing a serious error. T his is a hard lesson for all ro r npenrors and performers. The fi rst mistake rarely ptoves disastrous, but the downwatd spiral uf the second, t hird , and founh error crea tes a devasrac ing chain reaction. Any sports fan has seen professional football ,

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basketball , and baseball games won and lose because of a shIft in psycbological advantage. People speak abou t mome nt um as if it were a n enti ty of its ow n, an u np red ictable player on the field, and from my own competi tive experience, I can vouch for it seeming tha t way. T he key is to bring that player onto your team by riding rhe psychological wave when it is behind yuu, and snap ping back into a fresh pttSence when your clar icy of mind hegins to he swept away. W ith youn}; chess players, rhe dow nward spiral do minates competitive lives. In g ame after gam e, beg inners fall to p ieces after making the firs t mistake. With older, more accomplished players t he mistakes are su btler, bu t the pattern of error begetting error re mains true and dead ly. Imag ine yourself in the folluw in,i; situation: You a re a h igh ly skilled chess Master in the middle of a crit ical to urnament game and you have a much ben er posit ion. For the last th ree ho urs you have been pressuring your oppo nent , increasing the tens ion, p ushing him closer to t he edg e, and searching for the decisive moment when your adva ntage will be converted into a win. T hen you make a subde error that allows yo ur opponent to equalize t he posit ion. There is not hi ng wrong with equality, b ut you have developed a powerful emotional arrach men r to being in cont rol of the game. You r heart starts to pound because of t he disconcerting chasm between what was and what is. Chess players are constantl y calc ulating variat ions and e it her accepting or d ism issing (hem based on a compar ison of how t hey evaluate the visualized posicion vs. t he or ig inal position. Su if )'ou have an advan tage, make an error, and t hen still cl ing to t he notion t hat you have an advantage , then when you calculate a variation that looks equal, you will reject that line of rhoug ht bec ause you incorrectly belil've it

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rnovmg you in the wro ng directio n. What results is a dow nward spiral whe re the found~ r in;L; player rejec ts variations he shou ld accept, pus hing, w it h hollow overco nfi dence, for m ore than rbe re is. A t a hig h level, pressing for wins in equal pos itions ofn-n results in losing. As a competitor I've come to understand t hat t he dis ta nce between wi nning and losing is mi nute , and, m oreover, rha t there are ways to steal wins from t he maw of defeat. All gren r pe rformers have learned this lesson . Top-rare actors often miss a line b ur improvise rhci r way back on track. The audience rarel y not ices because of the perfect ease wit h whic h the performer g lides from t roubled waters into t he tran quility of t he script. Even more ir npressrvcly, rhc tru ly grea t ones can make t he moment work lot rhern , heigh rening performance with im provisations that sh me with im mediacy and life . M usicians , actors, athletes, p hilosop hers, scienriscs, wri te rs understand t hat brilliant c reations arc often born of small errors. Probl em s set in if the performer has a brittle dependence on the safety of absolute pe rfection or d uplication. T hen an error triggers fear, d et achm ent , uncertainty, or confusion t hat m udd ies the decis ion-making process. J often told my wonderful young studen ts to beware of rhe downward spiral. I taugh t rhe m t hat bt'in;L; p resen t at cri tical mome nts of cnmpctitinns can ru m losses into wi ns, and I conveyed scrareg jes for how to do this. Sometimes all the kids needed was to ra ke rwo or t h ree d eep breaths or splash cold water on their faces to snap out of had states of m ind . Other rimes, mort' d ramatic an ions were called fotif I fel t {l ull during a {J,fficult struggle, I would occasionally leave rhe p laying hall and sprint fi ft r yards outside. This m ay have seemed strange to spcc tarorv, but it served as a IS

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complete physiologica l fl ushing, and I returned, albeit a bit sweaty, in a brand-new sta te of mind. As an eigh teen- year-o ld, I had not yet re fi ned my method ology fo r snap ping inro pu re presence-t his system is t he sub ject of t he chapter, RNi /di lJl:( Your TrI/!,I:(er, in Pan I ll-bm I und erstood that avoiding the ripple effect of co mpound ing errors had broad ap plication. T hen somet h mg happened in my life th at d rove th is ru le into my so ul. It was my habit tel walk t he two m iles to P.S. I H; every Wednesday, p lanning my class and en joying the city. O ne tall afternoon I was st roll ing east alo ng .'nrd St reet, lost in t houg h t and headed re ward the school. Everyone who has g rown up in Manhattan k nows t hat it is im porranr to loo k bot h ways before crossing t he st reet . Ca rs ru n lig h ts and bicyclists ride the wrong way down one-way st reets . D rivers are used to narrowly avoid ing bus rlin~ mid town crowds, and most N ew Yorkers are un rroubled by t he cacophony of sirens, blari ng horns, and taxis speeding ten inches in front of our noses. T hings usua lly flow nicely, bu t the margi n for error is slim . T here r stood , with in t he maelst rom of the mid tow n rush, wait ing for the hg ht and t hinking about the ideas that 1 would soo n be discussing wit h my stude nts. A pre rty young woman st ood a few feet away from me, weari ng headphones and moving to the music. I noticed her because J could hear t he d ru mbear. She wore a g rey kncc- Icngrh skirr, a black SWeater, and ehe typical Manha t tan offi ce worker's white sneakers for the trek home. Sudde nly she stepped tight into the c nccr ru ng t raffic. I guess she was confused by the chaotic one-way srreer, because r remember her looking t he wrong way down Bro..adway. Immed iately, as she

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stepped forward , looki ng right, a b icycle bore down on her from the kfr. T he bi ker lurched away at t he last second and gave her a soli d but harmless bump. In my memo ry, time srops rig h t he re. T h is was rhe critical mo ment in t he woman's lift,. She could have walked away u nscar hcd if she had JUSt stepped back o nto the pavement, bur instead she tu rned and cursed the fast-peda ling bicyclis t. I can see her now, srandi ng Wi t h her hack to the traffi c on ')3rd and Broa dway, screaming a t the now-d istant biker who had JUSt pe rfor med a miracle to avoid smashi ng into her. TIle image is frozen in my mi nd. A taxicab was t he next to speed around t he corner. T he woman was struck fro m behind and sent reeling te n feet into the air. She sm ashed into a lamp post and was knocked out and bleeding badly. T he am bulance and police came and even rually I moved on to P.S. 116, hoping rhar she wo uld survive, As I walked into t he school, dumbstruck by t he severi ty of what I had JUSt witnessed , J felt compelled to share a version of the story wi th m y sr udeocs . I left our the gravity of her injuries h ut I linked life and chess in a way that appeared to move t he m- th is t rag ed y need n't have happened . I explained how this wo ma n's fi rst m istake was lookt ng t he wrong way and steppi ng meo t he street m fron t of traffic. Maybe wearing headp hones put her in her own world, a litrlc removed from t he im med iacy of t he mo me nt, Then the bi ker shou ld have been a wake-u p call. She wasn't hu rt, bur instead o f reacting w ith alertness, she was spooked into anger, Irritated that her quiet had been sbartered. Her reaction was a perfect parallel to the chess player's dow nward spiralafter makmg an error, it is so easy to cling to t he emotional comfort zone of what was, but there is also that unsettling sense that th ings have changed for t he worse. The

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dear t hinker IS suddenly ar war wit h himself and flow is lost. 1 have always visualized rwo lines moving parallel ro one another in space. O ne line is time, the ot her is our perception of the moment. I showed my students t hese lines wirh my hand" moving t hrough t he air. W hen we are present to what is, we are right up front wit h t he expansion of time, but when we make a mistake and }o;er frozen in what was, a layer of .lerechmeoc builds. Time goes on and we stop. Suddenly we are living, playing chess, crossing t he street wirh our eyes dosed in memory. And rhen comes the taxicab. That chess lesson was surely the mosr emotional I've ever taug ht. T h ree years later, my sr udcnrs and I traveled ro the National Championships in Knoxville, Tennessee. T he kids were now in fifth grade and one of the strongest reams in the cou ntry. In t he fi nal round of the tournament , we were tied for firs t place. I waited outside rhe tournament room wid} rhe parents of my kids. I always felt strange at a big game if 1 wasn't the one competing, b ur after years of reaching childre n and watching them grow into dy namic compecicors, it fcl t especially harrowing to sir and wait for t he verdict . Such experiences taught me that my farher was nor so misguided whe n he insisted tha t watching was more stressful t han com peti ng . So I waited for my students to emerge, joyous or distraug ht. O ut came Ian Ferguson, a thoug htful boy with a wonderful in rrospecrive sensitivity and an eccentric {alent for t he game. lie had won his game and he ran over ro me, we higb-fi ved, and he said , "You k now, j osh, I almost lost ." Ian had a }liddy, relieved expression on his fat e, b ur he also looked like he had seen a ghost. "I mad e a big mistake and hung my bishop. My opponent laughed and I goc really

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upset and reached for my (IU",,,,n . I was about [0 mow but then r remem be red t he woman and rbe b ike !" T he move Ia n was about to p lay wo uld have lost his queen and rhe game, bur sodde nly he remembered rhe lesson learned as a seven-year-old . He tonk a few deep breaths to clear his mind, came back to the moment, collected himself, and won a crirical ga me in t he National Cham pionshi ps.

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C H A N G IN G V O I C E

W lwn t he film Sean hiny,!or Bohhy FiJeber came out I was sixteen years old and win ni ng everyt h ing in sig ht. I becam e Am erica's youngest Intern at ional Master that year, I won the U.S. Under 2 1 Championship tWICe at ssxreen and seventeen , and I cam e within a hairs b read t h of w inning t he World Un der 18 C hamp ioosh ip when I was seven teen . From t he outsid e I may have looked un bearab le, b ur inside I was a kid barely hold ing everyt h ing rogc rhcr. W hile I adjusted (0 t he g lare of t he med ia spotl ig ht, my relat ionsh ip to chess was slowl y becoming less organ ic. I fou nd myself pl ay ing to live up to H o llywood expectat ions instead of fur love of t he g am e. I understood the danger of bt'com in1o: dis reacred by t he adulati on and I fou1o: In to keep focused. Bu t I W ,lS slipping. More and more fans came (0 my tournaments ro watch me play and ge t autographs. Beaurifu l g irls sm iled a nd hand ed m e t heir phone n um ber." . G r-and masters smirked and t ried to tear off my head . I was living in tw o world s, and I st arted hav ing a pec u liar sensat ion uf detachm ent dur ing roumamenr games. Some times I seemed to p lay chess from across the [( KI m, whi le wa tchi ng myself t h ink.

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Arou nd the same time I began train ing with a Russian Grandmns rer who urged me (() become more conservative st ylist ically. lie was a lovely man-literary, compassionate, fun ny-as human bei ngs we connected but chessically we didn 't gel. H e was a systematic strateg ist wi rh a passion for slow, su btle maneuver ing . I had always been a creative, anacki n}; player who loved the w ild side of chess. I liked (() live on the edge III t he spirit of Bob by fischer and Garry Kasparnv, and now m y new coach had me immerse myself in t he op posi te scns ibilitr \Ve dove into the grear prophylact ic players, st ud ying rhe games of Ti g ran Perrosian a nd Ana tol y Ka rpov, ex-wo rld c ha m p io ns w ho see med to breathe a d ifferent air. Instead of crca nng exclt lllg d ynamin in t heir positions, these g uys competed like Anacondas, p reem pti ng every agg ressive idea un ti l opponen ts were paralyzed and gasping for life , While I found th is work interesting, t he effects of moving away from my natural voice as a competitor were d istu rbing. Instead of fo llowing m y inscincrs, m y co ach urged me to ask myself, "What would Karpov do hcre r" But KarPCN had cold blood and m ine boiled. W hen he searched for tiny srraregic adva ntages, I yearned for wild d ynamics. As I tried to play in t he st yle thar pleased rny coach , chess began to feel alien. At t imes I fe lr as thoug h my head was in a thick cloud and I cou ldn't sec rhc variat ions. My srrenjrrhs as a young champion-consisrency, com pet iti ve presence, foc us, drive, passion, creativity- were elusive and moving out of reac h. I st ill loved chess, but It no longer fel t lik e an extension of my bein};. O f course I was also at t hat moment when boys become men , While my chess life was growing increasingly complex, I was th riving in my coming of age. My lasr two years of

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h ig h school were spen t at the Professional Child ren 's School, an exert ing learning environme nt teeming wi th bri lliant young actors, dancers, m usicians, a fence r, a young enrrepreneur, a couple of gy m nasts, and now a chess player. Eve ryone at pe s was p ursui ng so methi ng an d many swde nts were fam ous fro m movie careers or Broadway roles (ralen r shows an d school plays were abso lute jaw-d rop pers). T he sc hool gave me more flexibi lit y to catch up on my studi es after t ravelin}; to dista nt tourn a m e n ts, and t he educa t ion was fi rst ra re-c-o ne crea tive writing class with a b rill iant woman named Shellie Sclan was the most ins piring academic experience of my life. I read Hem ingway, Dos toevsky, Hesse, Cam us, and J ack Kerouac . I went out wi t h g irls an d brooded about spe nding half my li fe en tre nc hed ove r a c hessboa rd t ryi ng to w ill hear t and soul out of sixty- four squares. Socially, PC5 allowed

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you ng celeb rit ies to ins ula te t he mselves from stari ng fu ns, because everyone was exceptional in one way or anot he r. This

was a tremendo us relief and I thrived at PCS ; bur in my professional life I fclt oppressed . Th e nne- two pu nch nf a fa me I wasn't really pre pared fur an d a bu ildi ng sense of alienat ion from the art r lo ved had me h ungering fo r escape . W hen I graduated from hig h school , I deferred my acceptance at Co lum b ia Un ive rsit y and w ok off for Eastern Europe. I had falle n in love w ith a Sloven ian g irl and decided to spe nd some rime on t he road. T h is was an intense, format ive period of my life. As I matu red into a n ineteen- and rwenry -vear-old you ng man , m y relat ionship to chess was infused wit h a more sophisricared co nsc iou sness. I was no lo ng er soari ng w it h t h e m omem u m of my early career. N ow J had m y demons to wrcsch- wi th. Sel f-dou bt and alienation we re part of m y 71

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reality, but in Europe I was free of t he immense pressures of my l:debri ty back home. I stud ied chess and lirerarure and traveled t he world wirh my notebook and a rucksack. My home base was a lirde village called Vrholvjc , nesrlcd in rhc mou nt ains of southern Sloven ia and overlooking northern I taly. I lived romant ically, rook long walks in t he woods, and dove dee-per and
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chessboard and t he m ind it self fel t bke a fault li ne, t rern b lin;l; , on rhe verge of exp losion. Somenmes tech nical superiority proved decisive, b ut more often somebody cracked , as if a ti ny weakness deep in the bei ng suddenly erupted onto the board. T hese mcmems, where the tech nical and psycholog ical collide, are where I d irect ed my st udy of t he game- In t he course of a nine-round chess tou rnament, 1',1arrive at around four or five cri ncal posi tions tha t I did n't quite und erstand or in which I made an error. Im m edi ately after each of my games, Lquickly entered t he moves into my computer, noting my t hought PlTl(:CSS and how I felt emono nally at various stages of t he batt le. T hen aft er t he tourna ment , armed wi th t hese fresh imp ressions, I went bac k to Vrholv je and studied t he cr iti cal mome nts. T his was the work t hat J referred to in t he Inr rod uction as nllll/hers til leave IIIImhen. Usually long study sessions went like thi s: J began wit h the crit ical posit io n from one of m y games, where my intu it ive understa nd ing had not bee n up to t he challenge . At fi rst my m ind was hkc a run ner on a cold winter morn ing- sti ff, u nhapp y about the com ing jog, dreary. Then I be};an to move, recalfi ng my attacking ideas in th e struggle and how nod llog had fu lly con nect ed. I tried to p ick apart my oppo nent's pos ition and d iscovered new layers of his defensive resources, all the whi le my mind t hawing, integrati ng the evolving structural dynamics it had not qu ite unde rstood before. O ver t ime my blood startex] tlOW lllg , swear cam e, I set tl ed into the rh ythm of analysis , soaked in cou ntless patterns of evolving sophistica tion as I po red over what a computer would consider billions of variations. Like a runner in stride , m y t h ink ing became u nh indered, free-Rowing , faster and mster as I los t m yself in t he

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posit ion. Sometimes the seudy wou ld take six hours In one siain,.;, sometim es t hir ty hours over a week. I fel t like I was hving , breat hing, sleep ing in that maze , and then, as if from nowhere, all the complicat ions d issolved and I understood. W hen I loo ked at the cri t ical posi tion from m y tou rnament game, what had stumped me a few days Ot hours Ot weeks before now seemed perfecdy appa rent. I saw [he best move, fel t t he correct p lan, understood the evaluat ion of the posit ion. I r uuld n'r explain th is new knowled};e wit h varia[ions or word s. It felr more elcrnen ral, like rippling water or a ligh t breeze. My chess int uit ion had deepened . T his was [he study of nllllJ !;e/"i h i leafl; nllllllx 'I"i. * A fascina ti ng offshoot of t his met hod of analysis was [hat J began to see connectio ns between t he leaps of chess unde rsrand ing and m y chang ing vision of"r he worl d . Du ring my study of t he critical positions, I noted the / cdl1lg J had durin~ [he act ual chess game. I explained above how in [he pressure of rourname nes, t he te nsion in t he mi nd mounts with t he tension in t he posi cion, and an er ror on the board usually parallels a psycholog ical co llapse of sorts. Almost invariably, [here was a consistent psycholog ical st rain to my errors in a given to urnament , and what r be};an to not ice

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*1 , is in>!,o"~'" '" u nJe t" .nJ , h., hy "~mhm I" I"",. "" mb<1", . 0' fi"'" 1'I1<~l< f- , I am Je;Cf;bin~ • pf in wln,h ""hnK.1 inf" tOla'ion " in 'e~t",eJ IIltO what 1,,,1, like na' ural i1lfel h~en,'" S"me, im", ,h.t< w,lI h'md ly be n"m · 1Jc1>. O , h" ' im"" ' het< ", III IJc r ' ;nuple,. patte"" , 'aria' ;""•. , ,,,, h,,i,!u",. idea•. A "" . >tlli[etAI .""rnrle ,,{ , I", pm,:.". Ole- wu!l"n~ in ,heir he.d, IIr 1I!l ' hei[ fin~c", Ixofr"" 'hq m. kc e'l(' hall~''' . In ' imc, ,h,·y w;lI "'>p (,()Ull '; ll~ . Th" pi"'.... ,,",ill ",'hi"",- ~ mott' H" win,ll anJ i ""'~'AtOO ". 10 ", 'Y't<'m , T h'1"' will m"",aw" , [he Ix"'" llike lid.!, ,,{I"KC. W ha[ w.. on"e .....n m.. h. m"li,'.lIy ;, now f. l[ ;nw i[;wl\".

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is t hat my p robl ems on t he ch essboard usu ally were manifl;'s ti n).; them selves in my lifl;' outside of chess. For example, wh ile living in Sloveni a it appealed to m y sense of ad venr u re to be on the road , rraveling. writing , expl oring new p laces, h ut I also missed my fam ily. I hardly ever spoke Eng lish. com m unicating with everyone b ur m y gi rlfr il;' nd (w ho d id speak Eng lish ) in b roken Spanish, bad Ita lian , and even WOfSe Serbo-Croarian. I was a strang er in a st range land , O n rhe ueber ha nd, I fe lr quire at home in Vrhclvjc. I loved rhe ch arm ing villag e life, an d enjoyed my periods of int rospecrion. But then every monr h or so I would leave Slovenia and rake off, alone , for Hungary, G erm any, or Holl and to com pe te in a g ru eling two-week tournamen t . Each tri p was an ad venture, b ur in the bl;'gi nn ing I was invariably homesick. I mi ssed my g irlfri end. I missed my fam ily, I m issed m y friends. I missed every t hing . I fel t l ike a leaf in t he wind , ad rift, all alo ne. T he first few d ays were always rough b ut t hen I'd get m y bearings in t he new city and have a wonde rful t ime. I was JUSt hav ing trou ble w it h

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It was amazing how clear ly t h is manifes ted on t he chessboard , For a pe riod of rim e, almost all my chess I;' TfO fS ram e in a mom en t immedia tely follow ing or p receding a b ig change. For exam ple, if I was playing a pos it ional chess g ame, wi th co mplex maneuver ing , lon g- t erm strateg ical p lanning , an d bu ild ing tension , an d sud de nly the srrugg le exploded into concrete tactics, J wou ld so metimes he slow to accom modate the new scena rio. O r, if I was p laYI ng a ve ry ta ctical posit ion that sudd enly t ransformed into an abs tract endg ame, I would keep on calc ulat ing Inst ead of tab ng a deep breath and m aking lo ng-te rm p lans. I was having trou ble with t he fi rst major d eci sion following t he departure 75

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from p repared opening analysis and I was ooc keep Ing pace with sudden sh ift s in momentum. My whole chess psychology was about holding on to what was, because I was fundamenta lly homesick . When I finally noriced t h is connection, I rack lcd rransitions in both chess and life . In chess games, I wou ld rake some deep b reaths and dear my m ind when t he cha racter of rhe srr u};B lt shi fted . In life , I worked on em bracing change instead of fight ing it. W ith aware ness and anion, in both lift and chess m y weak ness was rransformed into a strength. O nce I recognized that deeply bu ried secrets in ,I competito r tend ro su rface u nder in tense prcsx u rc, m y study of chess became a form of psychoanalysis. I un earthed m y subrlesr foible s th roug h chess , and rhe link be tween my persona l and a rtisti c sides was unde r uahle. The psycho log ical t hem e could range from t ransi ti ons to resilient concenr ration , fl u id ity of m ind , co nt rol, leaps in to the u nk nown, sitt ing with tension . the dow nward spiral . bei ng ar peace with discomfo rt, giving in to fa tig ue, emo tional turb ulence, and inva r iably the chess moves para lleled the li fe momcn r . Whenever I noticed a weakness, I took it on. I also stud ied m y op po ntnts closely. Like myself their psycholog ical nua nces in life manifested o ver the board. I wou ld watch a riva l ra pping h is fee t im pa rien tly wh ile waiting for an elevator or carefully maneuve ring arou nd his peas on a dinner p late. If someone was a controlling person who lik ed to calculate eve ryt hing out bdore act ing, I would make the (hess posit ion chaotic, beyo nd calculation. so he would have [(J make t hat uncom fortable leap in to t he u nk nown. If an opponent was intuit ive, fast , and hunge ring for absrracr creerions, I wou ld make the posirion p recise, so rhc only solution lay in patic nr , m ind -num b ing mat h.

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W h,m I was twenty-one years old and came bac k to America, I was more in love with rhe study of chess than ever. The game had become endlessly fascinat ing to me , and its implications srrerched far beyond wi nning and losing- I was no lon ger pri marily refi ni ng t he skill of playing chess, b ut was discove ring mysel f th rough chess. r saw the an as a movemenr closer and closer to an unarrainable t rut h, as if I were traveling t h roug h a tu nnel t hat con tinuously deepened and wide ned as I p rog ressed . T he more I knew abo ut the game, the mo re I realized how muc h t here was to know. I emerged from each good work session in sligh rly deepe r awe of t he myst ery of chess, and wi th a b uilding sense of humi lity. Increas ingly, I fel t more te nder abour m}' work than fi erce. An was truly becoming for an 's sake. O fc ourse not everyth ing was fi ne and dandy. W h ile persona l growth had been my focus in my life on the road , when I came back to Amer ica r was back in the limelight. Fans once agai n mob bed me at rc ur nam enrs, and I was expected ro perfo rm- but I was in one of those vulnerable stages of growth , like the herm it crab between shells. W hile m y new ph ilosop h ical approach to chess was exci ti ng spiritually, ir was also a bi t undermining for a young compet ito r. T he youthful arrogance of behevi ng I had the answers was ,l;0nt'. I was flexible and in rros pective but lacked that uniq ue characte r and d rive to my g ame that had mad e me a cha mpion. As a lover and learner of chess, I was flying, but as an arrisr and performer I was allloc ked up .

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I chink a life of ambi rion is like exiscing on a balance beam. As a child, there is no fear, no sense for rhe danger of falling. T he beam feels wid e and stable, and nat ural playfulness allows for c reati ve leaps and fast learning . You can run around doing sornersaulrs and flips, always resti ng yourself with a love for discovery and new challenges. If you happen to fall off-no problem , you just get back o n. But the n, as you ge t olde r, you becoml' more aware of the risk of in jury. YOII mig hr crack your head or t wist your knee. T he beam is narrow and you have ro sray up there. Plungi ng off would be humiliatiog. W hile a chi ld can make the beam a playgro und, hig hst ress performers ofren transform the beam in to a rig ht to pe. Any slip becom es a crisis. Suddenly you have everythi ng to lose, the rope is swaying above a crater of fire, increasing ly dramatic acrobatics are expected of you bur rhc a ir feels thick wi rh projectiles a imed to d islodge your balance. W hat was once ligh t and inspiring can easily rnurerc into a nig htmare. A key component of hig h-level learn ing is culrivanng a resilient awareness char is t he older, conscio us embod imen t

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of a ch ild 's pl ayful ohlivrous oess. My c hess career ended wi th me ttt rerin).; on a srring above leapi ng flames, and in t im e, through a differeur med ium, I rediscovered a relat ionship to ambition and an that has allowed m e rhe freedo m to create like a child und er world cham p io nsh ip p res su re. T his journey, from ch ild back to child again, is at the very core of my u nd erstanding of success. l believe that one of th e most cr it ical facto rs In the transition to becoming a conscious high pert(}rme r is the degree ro wh ich you r relat ionship to you r pursuit stays in harmony with your u niq ue d isposirion . There will inevit ably be rim es when we need to try new ideas, release our current knowledg e to rake In new information- but it is cnrical to in teg rate t his new informa tio n in a ma nner t hat dot s not viol are who we are. By raking away our naeural voice, we leave ou rselves without a cen te r of g raviry to balance us as we navigate rhe councless obstacles along our way. Ir mig ht be in reresnng to exami ne , with a b it m ore derail , how th is hap pened to me.

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• • • Mark Dvorersky and Yuri Razuvaev are t he pi llars of t he Ru ssian schoo l of chess. Considered by many t o be t he two ).;rearest chess trainers in the world, rhese two men have d evoted t heir lives to carving talent ed you ng ( hess mas ters into world -class com peti to rs. T hey are both armed with an eno rm ous repertoire of nrig inal ed ucati onal ma terial for top-ca liber p layers and you wou ld be hard-pressed to fi nd a Grand master out there who was nor seriously influe nced by one of t hem . Bet wee n t he ages of sixteen and twenty-one, I had the opponuniry to work extensively wi rh both of t hese legendary coaches and I believe the implications of t heir dia80

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memrally opposed pedagogical sty les are cri tica l for studen ts of all e ndeavors . T hey were certainly crit ical for me . \V hen yo u meet Yuri Raw vaev, you feel "timed. lie has the hum b le, peaceful air of a Bud d h ist monk and a sweet, slig htly iro ni c sm ile. If making a decisio n , for example about where ro ear , he will shrug and gently imply that both poss rbihries wou ld find h im q ui te content. H is lang uage is simi larly abs eracr. !l is mildest com men ts feel like natu ral koans, and in con versat ion it is all roo cas)' [() let gems slip rh rough your m ind like a breeze . When the chessb oard comes out, Razuvaev's face senles into a relaxed focus, h is eyes become pier<.:i ng, and a razor-s harp m ind comes to bear. Analyzi ng with Razuvacv, I consisrcndy felr as t hou g h he was penet rat ing rhe deepest wrin kles in my mi nd throug h my every chess move, After just a few hou rs of work Wit h him, J had ehe impression he understood me more truly rhan almos t anybody in my lite . It was like playi ng ( hess w it h

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In J,fe, Dvorersky IS a tall, heavyset man who wears t hick ~l asse s and rarely showers or changes his clothes. He is socially awkward and when not talking about or playi ng chess, he seems li ke a big fish flop pi ng on sand. r met Dvnrersky at the fi rst Kavparov-Karpov Wo rld Champ ionship match in Moscow when I was seven ye-ars old, and we stud ied together sporad ically t h roug hou t my teens , He would occasionally live in m y family's ho me for fou r or five d ays at a t ime when he visited America , D uring these peri(xis, it seemed t hat every concern bu t chess was an intrusive irrelevance. W hen we were nor studyi ng, he would sir in his room , staring at chess posit ions on his computer. At mea ls, he would mumble while d ropp ing food on the floo r, and in co nve rsatio n rhir k saliva collec ted at t he co rne rs of his mo ut h a nd often sh ot o ur like st ream s of g lue . If yo u have read N abo ko v's wonderful novel The Defense, a bo u t th e eccen tric chess gen ius Luzhin- well, t ha t is D vo re rsky. W hen seated at a chessboard, Dvorersky comes to life. H is t hick fingers somehow manipulate the p ieces with eleg ance. He is extremely confident, arroga nt in fact. He is most at home al:TOSS the table from a talented p upil, and immed iately beg ins seni ng up enormousl y complex chess com positions for t he student to solve. H is repertoire ofabstruse mate rial seems lim itless, and ir keeps on coming hou r afrer hour in relentless inrerrc garion. Dvorersky loves to watch gifted chess mind s su uggle with his problems. lie bask s in his power w hile young champions are slowly drained of r heir audacious r reativiry. As a student, I found rbese sessions to be resonant of Orwell's p rison scenes III J984. whe re mdepend entl y minded th inkers were rut hlessly broken d own u nt il all t hat was lefr was a shell nf a pe rsnn.

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Trainin g with Yun Razuvaev feels m uch mo re like a sp irit ual retreat [han an O rwell ian nig ht mare. Raz uvaev's method d epends upon a keen apprec iation for eac h srudem os personahry and chessic predisposit ions. Yuri has an amaz ing psychological acumen, and his insrruccional st yle begins with a close srud y of his st ude nt's chess games. In remarkably short order, he discovers t he core of the player's style an d th e obst ruc t io ns t hai are blocking pure sel fexpression . Then he devises an indivi dua lized craining pro gram that svxrcmarically deepe ns rhc st udent's know ledge of chess while nurr u nng his or her natu ral gifts. M ark Dvnrersky, on the ot her hand , has created a comp rehensive training system thar he believes all students should fit in w. H is method when worki ng with a pupil is ro break th e st udent down rather brutally and t hen stuff him or her into the cookie-c utte r mo ld of his training system . In my opi nion this ap proach can have profoundly negative consequences fo r sp irited young sruden rs. D uring the critical peri od of m y chess career following th e release of t he fi lm Sea rrhmg f~" B ~bbJ f'iJd Jf7", th ere was a disag reement about what direction m y srudy should cake. O n one side was Dvorersky and his prote,l;e, m y fu ll time coach, who believed I should imm erse myself in t he seudy of prophylaxis, [he art of playing chess like an anaconda. Great prophylactic players, like Karpo v and Pcrrosian, seem to sense their opponent's in ren non . They sysremancally cinch dow n the pressure, squeezing every lasr breach of lile OU l of their prey whi Ie preventing any agg ressive attempt before it even he,l;ins to materialize. T hey are rounre rpuncners by natu re a nd they rend lO be quiet , calrulaci ng, rarher introverted personal ities. On t he oth er side of rhe argumen t was Yuri Razuvaev, who insisted [hat I sho uld continue to nur-

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t ure my nat ural vo ice as a chess player. Razuvaev believed rhar I was a .g ifted aHal:kin.g player who should not be bu llied away fro m my strengths. T here was no question t hat I needed to learn more about Karpov's type of chess to make t he next steps in my develop ment, but Razuvacv poinred OUt that I could learn Karpov from Kasparov. T his was a d elicate and rat her mys rical-fee ling idea, and I wish I had possessed t he sophistication as a sixtee n- yearold boy [() see its power. O n one level, Razuvaev's po int was t hat t he g rea r an al: kin g players all possess keen underHand ing of positional chess, and the way for someone like myself til st udy hig h-level pos itio nal chess is to study t he way t he g reat players ~f III)' n,lIIlre have m rcg rarcd t his element uf the an . An interes t ing parallel wuuld be to consider a life t ime rock g ui ta rist who wants to learn abou t classical music. Let's say t here are two possible gu ides (or him in this ed ucational p rocess. O ne is an esoteric classical composer who has never t houg ht much of the "v ulgarity of rock and roll," and anothe r is a fellow rocker who fe ll in love wit h classical m usic years ago and dec ided til dedicate his life til t his differen t ge nre of mus ic. T he ex-rocker mig h t to uch a common nerve whi le the com poser mig ht ftel like an alien. I needed to learn Karpov th roug h a m usicia n whose blood boiled just like mine. Razuvaev's ed ucational p hilosophy falls very m uch in line with Taoist teachers who mig ht say "learn t his from t hat" or "learn the hard from t he soft." In mos t everyd ay lifi.· expe rie nces , t he re seems to be a ta ngib le con necnon between op posites. Consider how yuu may nut realize how m uch someone's compan ions hip means to you un rjl t bey are go ne- heart brea k can give t he g reatest insig ht in ro the value of love, Thi nk about how g ood a healt hy leg j-i.·d s after

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an extended tr me on crut ches-c--sic kness is th e rn osr potent ambassador for heal rhy living. W ho knows water like a man dy ing of t hirst ? T he huma n mind defines t hings in relation to one anot her- wit ho ut lighr the notion of d arkness would be unintel ligibk Along the same lines, I have found t hat if we feed t he unconscious, it will discover cunnecrions between wha t may appear to be d isparate reahnes. T he path to arrisric insight in une direc rio n o fte n in vo lve s dee p s tudy of unother-c--rbe inr uino n makes u ncan ny connections t hat lead to a crystall izatio n o( fragmented notions. T he great Abstract Exp ressiorus r painte rs and sculp tors, for exam ple, came to their revol u tionary ideas th rough p recise realist training. J ackson Pollock co uld draw like a camera, bu t instead he chose to sp latter pain t In a wild manner t hat pulsed wit h emotion. l ie studied form to leave form. And in his work, the absence of classical scrucrure somehow con tains the essence of fo rmal trai ni ng- bu r without its ritualized limitations. By c xrc nsion, stud ying th e grea test attacking chess games ever played, I wou ld inevitably gai n a deep appreciarion for defensive nuance. Every hig h-level attacking chess creation emerges (rom a subtle bui lding of forces that IS at the core of positional chess. J ust as the yin -yang symbol possesses a kernel of lig h t in (he d ark, and o( da rk in the lig hr, creat ive leaps are grounded in a technical fo undation. Years later, my martial arts tra ini ng would integrate this unders tandi ng into my everyday work, but as a teenager I didn'r und erstand. I don't rhin k I was even prt st nt ((J the quesnc n.

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OF BRE."' KI N G A STA LllO:-':

Along wit h her many ot he r im p ressive abilit ies, my mom , Bon nie Waitzkin, t rains horses. She used to compete as a hu nter ju mper and dressage rid er, and as a young boy I often wenr wit h her to the barn in New J ersey and rom ped around on rhe ponies . I could never believe t he way she co mmu nicated wit h the animals. If there was a p rob lematic horse, people called my linle mom, who wuuld walk up to an ang ry 1,700 -pound stallion, speak in a soot hi ng voice, and soon enough the horse would be in the palm of her hand . Mom has a un ique abil ity to com mu nicate wit h all animals. I've seen her hand-line five- hu nd red-pound blue marli n to the side of t he boat , with barely any strength . Angr}', harking dogs quiet and lick her legs. Birds flock to her. She is a whispere r. She loves t he animals and she speaks t heir natural body lang uag e, Bon nie explains that there are rwo basic ways of tami ng a wild horse. O ne is en tic' it up and frea k it out, Shake paper ba,!;s, rarrle cans, dri ve it crazy umil it submits to any noise. Make it endure t he hu miliation of bein}l controlled by a rope and pole. O nce it is part ially sub rnissive, you tack t he horse, }let on top, spur it , show it who's boss- the horse figh ts, buc ks, twists, t urns, runs , bu t t here is no escape. Finally t he beast drops to its k nees and submits to bei ng do mest icated . The horse g oes t hro ugh pain, rage, frus t rat ion, exhaust ion, to ncar deat h , . . t hen it finally yields . T his is the method some l ike to call Jh"ck
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explains , "W hen the horse is very young, a foal, we ge ntle it, T he horse is always handled. Yo u pet it, feed it, g room it, stroke It, It gets used to you, likes you. You get on it and there is no figh t, nothing to fight." So you guide the horse toward doing whar you want ro do occau.'C he wants ro do it. You synchronize desires, speak the same language. You do n't break t he horse's spirit. M}' mom g oes on: "If you walk straight toward a horse, it will look at you and probably run away. You don't have ro oppose t he ho rse in t hat way. Approach indirectly, without confrontation. Even an adul t horse can be ge ntled. Hand le him nicely, make your intention t he horse's in rcnrio n. "Then, whe n riding , bo rh you and t he horse want to maintain the harmony you have established. If you want to move to the righ t , you move to the right and so the horse natu rally moves rig ht to balance your weigh t." Rid er and animal feel like one. They have established a bond t hat neither wants w d isrupt. And most cr itically, in this relationship between ma n and beast, the horse has no t been whi tewashed. W hen trained, he will hring his un ique chatucrer to t he table. The gorgeous, vibrant sp irit is st ill flowing in an animal that used to run t he plains.

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• • • D vorersky wanted til break m e-i!J(Kk and aU'(-
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would Karpov play here?" and I stop ped t rusti ng my intuition because it was nor naturally Karpovian. \"'(Then rhe maelstrom surro und ing Sm rchillg for Bw by FiJc&r hit me , a big pan of my scruggle holding course stemmed from m y sense" of alienation from my natu ral voice as an art ist. I lacked an in ner com pass. Refleu in}; back on the last years of my [ hess career, more t han anyt hing else I am st ruck hy the com plexIty of t he issues confwmin}; an art ist or com pet ito r on a long- term learning cu rve. It would be too easy to say that one or two factors were dec isive in p ushing me away from chess. I could say (hat the fi lm Seanbinr:, filr Bobby FiJdnr p ut roo much pressure on my shoulders. I could sa}' that a had teacher d istanced me from m y natural love for the game. I co uld say thar I discovered happ mess elsewhe re. Hu t all t his would be roo simple. To my mind, the fields of learning and perhlrmance are an explorat ion of gre yness--of t he in- bet ween . T here is rhe careful balance of pushing yourself rele ntlessly, bur not so hard that you melt down. Muscles and minds need to stretch to g row, but if stretched roo thin, they will snap. A cornperitor needs to be process-oriented , always looki ng for stronger opponents to spur g rowt h, but it is also importan t to keep on winning enough to maintain co nfid ence. We have to release our cu rrent ideas to soak in new material, but not so much that we lose touc h wit h our un ique natu ral calenrs. Vibrant, creat ive idealism needs til be tempered by a pracaica l, tec hnica l awareness. Navignring our way to exce llence is rricky. T here are shoals on eit her side of (he narrow channel and in my chess career I r an into more than one. The effecrs of moving away

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from m y natural vOICe as a co mpet ito r were particularly devas ta ting. Bu t with t he perspecrive of t ime , I unders tand t hat I was offered a rare opport uni t y to grow. M uch of what I believe in toda y has evolved from the brutal testing ground of my fin al r ears in chess.

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MY SECOND ART

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C H AP T[ R 9

B EGI N N ER ' S M I N D

I fiNt p icked up On the Road while finishi ng my p repa rat ion for the World U nder 18 Chess C hampionsh ip in Szeged. H u ngary, in {he summer of 1994 . Jack Kcr ouac's vis ion was hke electricity in my veins. His ability to draw sheer joy from the most m undane experiences opened up [he world to me, I felc oppressed by the p ressures of rny career, b ur then I'd watch a Ie-,l.ft:tlling or rain pel ting the H ud son River, and I'd be in ecstasies abou t the raw beauty. I was on fi n- w ith a fresh passion for life when I traveled to H ungary. O ver the course of the two-week tou rnament, I p layed inspired chess. Enter ing t he final round I was t ied for first p lace wit h t he Russian cham pion, Pe ter Svidler. Ill' was an immensely powerful player and is now one of t he top G rand m ast ers in the world , but goi ng in to the gam e I was very ron fidem. l ie must have felr that, beo::ause Svidle r offt'n:xl me a draw after just half an hour of p lay. All I had til do was shake hands to share the world t ide-it was unclear who wou ld win on tic-breaks. Shake hands! But in my inimitable leave -ic-on-the-field st yle [hat has wo n and lost me many a ba rrie, I declined, pushed for a win, and ended up losing an absolute heart b reaker.

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T ha t nIg ht I took off across Easter n Europ e to vis it my };irlfriend in a resort village in Slovenia. She was t he women's chess cham pion of her country, and was about to compete in a majo r to urnament. A ru cksack on my back, On the RlJad in my lap , I rook trains and buses and random car rides, di gg ing it all with a wired energy, I ended up in a little to..... n called P ruj, and will never fo rg t t t he sigh t of Kit i walk ing toward me on a long d irt road, wearmg a red su ndress chat moved with rbe b reeze and seem ed out of characte r, too so ft. As she carrie elm er, her head t ilted to t he side; in her bea uty was something severe, dista nt, and a chi ll came over m e. O ur rclationvhip was a mcky on e, and we ended up fighting fo r two d ays straight u nt il I left, exaspe rated, heart broken, worki ng my way back aruun d war-rom C roat ia ro H u ng ary so I could fl y home. I finis hed 0" the Rli<1d in t he m iddle of t he Austrian nigh t, sheets of rain pou ndi ng down on an old t rain as it groaned into t he darkness, a d ru nk Russian sno ring across t he car from me , mi xing wit h t he laug hs ofgypsy chi ldre n in the compart ment next door. M y emotional state was b izarre. I had just Inst t he World Champ ionship and the love of my young life, and I hadn't slept in six d ays, but 1 was more alive tha n eve-r before. Th ree weeks late r, I was stand ing on a Brazilian st reet corner the day before represen ting the U .S. in the W orld U nder 2 1 Champion ships, and sudden ly Ki ri was in fm nt of me , smili ng, looking into m y eyes. W e laug hed and ou r ad ventures cont inued . Such was my life . After fin ish ing Ou tbe RMd. I beg an reading The /)harn/
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and rebellious wisdom of G ary Snyder. r yearned to retreat into rbe mountains and live wi th the birds. Instead r went co the Sham bhala Center in downtown Manha ttan and st udied m ed itat io n. I rried to ch ill myself o ur, sirring cross legged on chc floor, f(J<; using on my b reath . I had mom ents o f peact', but for the m ost pan I was boiling with a h ung er to leave every t hi ng behind. T hat 's when I t ook off to live In Slovenia, an d it was in m y Eu ropean wand ering s [ha t I found rhe Tao 'Ie Ching an ancie nt Ch inese text of na tu ralis t m using s, believed to be written by the hermetic sage worse (also kno wn as Lao Tsu) in t he 6 t h century IJ.C,E. I described earlie r how d u ring these years m y relations h ip to chess became increasingly inrruspecrive and dec reasingly compecinve. A large fac to r in t his movemen t was my
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boy, more than anyth ing the Tao Te Ching p rov ided a framework ro help me son om my complicated relaciooship (() material am bition. Ir helped me fig ure out what was im porrant apart from what we are told is im port ant . When I eerurncd ro America after m y ti me in Europe" I wanted to learn more abour the ideas of ancient China, In October 1998 , I walked into Wi lliam C. C. C hen's Ta i Chi Ch uan studio on t he recommendation of a family friend. Tai Chi is the med iranve and martial embodime nt of Taoist phi losophy, and \'qilliam C C Chen is one of irs greares r living masters . T he combination was irresistible.

, , , I rhink what initiall y struck me that fall evening , when I watched my fi rst Tai C hi class, was tha t the g oal was not win ning , but , simply, be. ng . Each of the twe lve people on rhe do jo floor seemed ro be lisrerung ro some q uiet, internal muse. T he group moved. together, slowly gliding th rough what looked like an eurrh y dance. T he teacher, W illiam C. C. Chen, fl owed in front o f t he students, lcaJ ing the mccliration. He was sixt y-four yeats o ld but in rhe momenr he could have passed for anywhere between forty a nd eig h ty, one of t hose age less beings who puts out t he energy of an ancient gori lla. He moved d reami ly, as ifhe were in a t hick cloud. Watching C hen, I had t he impressio n t hat every fiber of his bod y was p ulsing with some strange electrical con nect ion. H is ha nd pushed t hroug h emp ty spate like it was feeling and drawing from the subtlest ri pples in the air; profound, precise, nothing extra. H is grace was sim pliciry irself I sat ent ranced. [ had to lea rn more. T he next day I wem back to the school to take my first class. I remember that as I ste pped onto t he floor, my skin

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pri ckled with excitem ent . Everyone was warmi ng up . swayin}; around wit h their fists slapping into the ir lower backs in wha t I wouldlater lear n was a Q igong exercise. I t ried to follow bu t my shoulders felt t ight. Then Chen walked onro the floor and rhe roo m was silent . lie smikd geml y as he found his p lace in fro m of t he class. The n he slowly d osed h is eyes wh ile exhalmg deeply, his mind movi ng inward, everythin g set tl ing into stillness, h is w ho le bod y beco mi ng molte n and live. I was rapc. From the stillness, his palms floated u p , t he sim p lest move me nt w as profound from this

ma n, and he bega n to lead us through rhe opening postures of the Tai Chi for m. I followed along as best I could . All the

profundity I was struck by In Chen's form combined with a sense of total befud d lem ent . H is 8 ra~ e was a world away. I felt sti ff and awkward . Afrer ten m inu tes Chen broke t he class into groups and I was put w ith a senior srudenr who patiently described the basic princip les of Tai Chi's body mechanics. As we repeated the fi rst few movements over and over, I was cold co release my hip jo ints, b reat he into t he lower abd omen , relax my shoulders and back. Relax, relax, relax. I never knew I was so tense! After years of h unching over a chessboard , my post ure needed seno us ane nt ion. The m an expl ained t hat m y head should fl oat as thoug h it were suspend ed by a su in}; from the crow n p oint. This felt g ooJ . O ver t he next few monrhs, I learned t he sixty basic movemcn cs of the mcdiranvc form. I was a beg in ner, a ch ild Ie-arn mg to crawl, and [he world hegan to lili: off my shoulders. Chess was irrelevant on t hese woode n f1IKJfS. T he re were no televi sion came ras, no fans, no suffocat ing pressure. I p racticed for hours every eve ni ng. Slowly b ut surely, the alien lang uag e began to feci natural, a part of m e. My previous

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atte mpts ac meditation had been tum ultuous-a ball of nerves chill in,l; irself out. Now it was as if my insides were being massaged while my m ind floated happil y th roug h space. As I consciously released [he tension from one pan of my bod y at a ti me, I experienced a surprising sense of physical awareness, A subtle buzzing nckled my fingers . I played with that feeling , and realized that when deeply relaxed, I could foc us on an y part of rn y body and become aware of a rich well of sensation that had previously gene unnoticed . T his was interesting. From m y fi rst days at t he schoo l, my interactio ns wid] \X'illiam Chen were srirring. His reaching style was u nd erstated, hI S body a well of information. He seemed to extsr on another waveleng th , rapped intu a sub lime reality that he shared t h roug h osmosis. He spo ke softly, moved deeply, [aug ht [hose who were ready to learn. Gems were aftert houg hts, hidde n beneat h rhe breath, and you co uld pick [hem up or nor-he hardly seemed to care. I was amazed how much of his subtle insrrucrion wenr unnoticed . A begin ne r class usually had an ywh ere from t h ree [0 t wenty students, depend ing on the day or t he weat her. ,M y favorite sessions were rainy or snow )' weekday nights when most people chose to stay home. T hen it was just Chen and one or two die -hards, a pr ivate lesson . But more often [here were ten or so beg inners in the room, wmking out t heir issues, crying to smooth thei r movements. Master Chen wou ld stand in front of a large m irror so he could observe t he srude nrs while lea(!lng rhe class. He woul d smil e and make some lirde quip abour the current squabble between his son and
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iog usually associa ted w ith Chi nese ma rt ial arts- " If I (an do it, you (a n d o it ; ' was h is hu m ble message. Chen rem inded me q uue powerfully of Yuri Raw vaev, the Yoda-like Russian chess teac he r who had encouraged me to nurture my natural voice. Chen had (he same kind of insight into the student. ahho ugh his wisdom was very physical. I wu ld be doi ng the form in class, fed a lirrle off, and he would look at me from across the room , f l it his head, and come over. T hen he wou ld im itate my posture precisely, point ronleg or a spot o n the low e r bac k where there was te nsio n , and

demonstrate with h is body how rc ease the crimp . H e was always righ t. Chen's ability til mim ic phys ical structure dow n to the smallest derail was arnazirtjr , He read t he body like a wear chess player reads the board. A huge element of Tai C hi is releas ing obsr rucrions so the body and mind can flow smoot hly rogerber. If the re is rension in o ne place, t he mind scops there, and the fl uid ity is broken. C hen could always see whe re m y m ind was . O ver rime, as we g or (0 know each other, our in reraccions became increasingly sub tle. H e wou ld noricc a small hitc h in my form like a psycholog ical wrin kle bur ied d eeply in my shoulder, and fto m across rhe toom, in a b link , he would look in ro my eyes, ra ke on m y structure , mak e a small ad jusrmenr , and t hen fall back into his own body and move on wi th the c lass I would follow and immcd iately feci released , as if somebody had take n a heavy knot Out of my back. H e mi ght glancc back to check if I had noriced , he might not. [f l was ready, I wou ld learn . It was amaaing how m any students would m iss suc h rich m om ents because t hey were look ing at the mselves In the rr nrror o r impatiently checking the rime. It wok full co ncem rano n ro p ick up each

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valuab le lesson , so on many levels Tai Chi class was an exercise in awareness. W h ile th is m ethod worked very we ll for me, it also weeded our stu de nts who were OOt comrnirred to serious pract ice . I've seen many eme rge bo red from Chen's most inspiri ng classes, because t hey wanted to be spooofc,,] and did not open their recepto rs to h is subtleties , A k ey movement at th is sta};e of my Tai C hi learr ung expe rience was t he coordina non of b reath and mmd. T h is relationsh ip is a cri ti cal component ofT ai C hi Ch unn and I t hink it's im portant to rake a moment to explain . Many Chinese mart ial arts masters impose a forced , old-school breathing method on t heir studen ts. The id ea is t ha t a particular art has created a superior met bod of brearh control and rl'ns method sho uld be fo llowed religio usly, W ill iam Chen's humb le vision of t his issue is t hat b reat hing sho u ld be natu ral. O r, mo re accurately, breath 109 sho uld be a ret urn to wh at was natural before we got stressed out b y years of run n ing around a hect ic world and internal izing b ad habits. I certainly had plenty of those. In W ill iam Chen 's Tai C hi form , expa nsive (outward or up ward ) move ments occur wi t h an in-breath, so the body and m ind wake up, energ ize into a shape. H e }; ivt s t he exam pl e of reac hing Out to shake the hand of someo ne you art fond of, waki n}; up after a resrful slee p, or agreeing wit h somebody's idea. Usually, such pos it ive momen ts arc associated w ith all in-breat h-in t he Tai C h i form, we "breathe into rhe finge rt ips." T hen, wi th t he ou r-b reach, the body releases, de-energizes, like t he last exhalarion be fore FAlli n}; asleep. f or a glim me r of t h iS expe rience, hol d your pal ms in from of you, forefingers a few inches apart, shoulders relaxed . N ow breathe in wh ile ge ntly expand ing your fi nge rs, purring

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you r mind on you r middle fingers. fore fi ngers, and t hum bs. Your breath and m ind shou ld borh sofdy Sh(KI[ [0 rhe very tips of your fingers. T his inhalation is slow, ge mly pulling oxygen into your dan tim (a spot bel ieved [0 be the energetic center- located two and a half inches be low t he navel) and then moving that energy from your dan rien [0 you r fi ngers. O nce yo ur inhala tion is complete, ge ntly exhale. Release your fi ngers, let your mi nd fall asleep, relax your h ip joints, let every thi ng sa~ inm soft, q uiet aware ness. Once exhalat ion is complete, you reenergize. Try t hat exercise for a [['W m in utes and see how you feel. In ffi}' exper ience, w hen these principles of b rt'arhi ng me rge wi t h t he move ments of the Tal Chi form , practrcc becomes like the ebb and f1uw uf water me-ring a beach, rhe waves lappIng agains t t he sand (in-breath), t hen t he water t rickling back om (0 sea (gende, full exhalation). T he energeric wave is what most people focus on, but the sub rlery of the water's rerum is also deeply compelling. It is Chen's opinion that a large obstacle to a calm, hea lthy, present existence is t he constant interrupti on of our natu ral breat hing pan erns, A thoug h t or ring ing phone or hon king car in terrupts an our-breach and so we stop and begin to inhale, T hen we have another thought and stop before exhalin/":. T he resul t is sha llow breath in/": and deficienr Hushing of carbon d ioxide from our systems, so our cells never have as m uch pure oxygen as rhey could , Tai Ch i medirario n is, amo ng other things, a haven of un impaired oxygenation, W het her or not imperfect b reath patter ns or just p lain stress was my problem, m y qua lity of life was grea tly improved during m y firs t few months of Ta; Cbi practice. It was remarkable how developing t he ab ility ro be physically irurospecrive changed my world. Aches and pain s d is-

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solved with small postural tweaks. If! was stressed om, I (lid Tai Chi and was calmed. Sudde nly I had an internal mechanis m wit h which to deal with external pressures. O n a deeper level, the practice had t he effect of co nnecting dis paraee clements of m}' being. My whole life I had been an achlenc g uy who practiced a sport of t he mind. As a buy I had been devo ted to my love for chess, and my passion was so unfettered t hat hCkl y and soul were united in the task. Late-r, as I became alie nated from chess, my physical instincts were working in oppos ition to my mental traini ng . I felt trapped ill a cerebral b ubble, like ,I tiger in a cage. Now I was learning how to systematically put those dements of my being hack rogcehcr. 10 early 1999, Master Chen invited me to b~gi n P ush Hand s pracrice. I had no idea that his q met oHt>r would change r ny life.

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W h,'n Chen asked me to start attending Push Hands classes, I was of tWO minds. Up to this point, Tai Chi was a haven. My relationship to it was very personal, aod the meditative practice was
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fil tered thro ughout the room sererchmg , working t he heavy bag, mtd ita[ing wit h m ysterious airs. I had no idea what [() expect. William Chen walked (0 the from of the class and we took about six minutes to move t hro ug h [he form, a warmup that preced es every Push H and s session at the schoo l. T he n all t he students paired up to begin pracuce. Master Chen walked over ro me, rook m y arm, and led me [() a dear spor on the floor. I II" raised hIS wrist , and motioned WIth his eyes for me to follow. We each srood wi th our rig h t legs forward , and the backs of our rig hr w rists rouc hi ng . He asked me ro p ush h im . I p ressed in ro his arm and chest but /C I[ nothi ng at all. It was b rzarre, like h itti ng a soft VOId. He was gone and yet he was standing fig ht there in fron t of me wit h [hal same calm expression on h is face. I tr ied agam, and thi s r ime t he lack of resistance seem ed ro p ull me fo rward. As I adj usted back he barely moved and I went airborne. Inreresrmg . We played a bit more. O n ,I basic level, the idea of Push Hands is ro unbalance you r op po nem, and I tried to appl y myoid basketball msnncrs to d o so. T h is g uy was sixty-fou r years old and I was an ar hlere-c-should n'r be a p roblem. But Chen cn nrrnlled me w it hout any effort at all . H e was inside my skin and I felt like I was doi ng a moon dance , floa ti ng around at h is will, without any connection to [he ,l;tound. At times he fclt immovable, like a brick wall, and then suddenl y h is body would d issolve into cloud like emptiness. It was asto n ish ing. After a fe w m m ures, Chen starred to show me [ hll1g s. First, he pushed gently on m y hip , remind ing me that in the Tai Ch i form, JI/Ilg ku'd o r a relaxed hlp Joint is critical. T hen he rold me (0 p ush into h is shoulder, and he slowly laid out [he body mec hanics of his cloud-like transforma tion. If I

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p ushed into his rig ht shou lder, his n g ht palm floated up , barely rouching m y wrist but subdy rransferrmg the focal point away from his shoulder. T here was hardly any co ntact between us , but enoug h to feel potentially subsra nrial, luring me in. As my push conrinucd , his sho ulder JissoIVl..x1 away while the imperceptible resistance from h is wrist took its place. T he key is rhar h is deflection of m y power from his sho ulder to h is w ris t was so su btle that it d id n't reg ister in m y mind . I gradually overextended because I always felr on the b rin k of conncc ri ng , and before I knew it I was way off balance a nd sru m bli ng in o ne d irect ion o r another. I f I slowed down and tried to notice my point of overextension , the n he followed my attempts at correction, sticki ng to me like glue. W hen the moment was JUSt right, he'd add to my mom entum w it h a qu iet , u nderstated expansion of his arm that defied m y unde rstandi ng of how one g enerates forceit seemed roemerge from mind more than body-and sud denl y I'd be firi ng ,lWar from him . It was amazing how much he could do with ,0 li t tle effort . From m y fled gl ing moments of Push H a nd s, I was hoo ked . It was appa te nt that the art was in fi ni tel y subtle and packed with profo und im plications, and 1 knew immediatel y that the p rocess would he somewhat similar to learning chess. But I had a long way to go. First t hings firs t- I had to beg in with an understanding of the art's foundation. T he martial philosophy behind P ush Hands, in the lang uag t>of the T4i Cbl CI4JJ1(J, is " til d efeat a t housand pou nds with four ou nces" Chen 's barely pe rcepti ble r on rac r between his wrist and my pushi ng hand was an embod iment of the "four ounces," hut there are cou ntless manifestanons of t h is principle inside and ou tside of 'Iai Ch i- some p hysical, so me psychological. If aggression

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meets empty space It tend s to defeat itself. I guess the perten image is Lucy snatchi ng rbe foot ball away ri me and ag ain as Charlie Brown t ries to kick 1(. Poor C harl ie JUSt keeps on Hipping h imself into the air. T he Tai Ch i p racririoncr's bo dy nc.."eds to learn how ro react quickly and nat urally slip away from every conceivable srri ke. T he p roblem is rhar we are condirjoned to tense up and resist incoming or host ile force, so we haw to learn an ent irely new p hysiological response to ag.l;rtssion. Befo rt lear r nng t he body mechanics of nonrcsivrance, I had (() un learn my curren t ph ysical paradigm . Easier said than do ne. Try this: Stand up and pla nt your feet in t he ground . Reall y dig In . Imag ine you arc on t he edge of a d ifl. N ow ask a friend ur sibling or spouse ro push in to yuu, an d to keep follOWing you r attemp ts at escape w ith t he Inte nt ion of making your feet move. T h is can be done very gentl y. Both lifJim JholllJ Im)1/1: f lim " )' and fllll)othlJ (II at11id injury. My ;l;uess is that your physical Insnnc r is to p ush bark, b race yourself, and try to hold your ground . Now, you have re-ad about t he idea of no nresistance. G ive it a try. T ry to maintain your stance wi thout resisting at all and wit hout moving faste r rhan your oppone nt- O dd s are t hat unless you are a trained mart ial art ist, th is nocion feels u nnat ural. W here are you sup posed to .l;O! You might t ry to retreat in to your rear leg, b ut if your part ner follows your retreat, you 'll ru n om of space. A t this poi nt, you will resist, If you r pa rtne r or op po nent is stro nger t han you or has good leverag e or moment u m huilt up, you will not be able til stop t he incoming !XIWt r. f ortunately, we don 't learn Push I lands while teeter ing on t he edge of a cl iff. It is nor a t rag edy if we lose ou r balance. T hat said, one of t he most challe njnng leaps for Push Hands

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scudenes is to release t he ego enough to allow t hemselves to be tossed around while t hey learn how not 10 rdiJt. If a hi).; strong g uy comes into a mamal arts studio and someone p ushes him, he wants to resist and p ush t he guy back to pmve that he is a big strong guy. T he p roblem is (hat he isn't learni ng anything by doing this. In order to grow, he needs to give up his current mind-set. lie needs [U lose to wi n. T he bruiser wi ll need to get pushed aro und b y lmle guys for a whi le, until he learns how (() use more (han b rawn. Wi lliam Chen calls th is imestmear ill Iou. Invest ment in loss is g iving yourself (0 the learn ing process. In Push H and s it is lett ing yourself be p ushed w ithout revert ing back to old habitstra ifil ng you rself to be soft and receptive when your body doesn't have any idea how ro do it and wa ms to tig hten up. T he ti ming of my life was perfec t fo r this t ype of process. I was wide open to (he idea of ge ning tossed aro undP ush H and s class was hum ility trai ning. W orking wit h C hen's advanced students, I was thrown all over rhe place. T hey were (00 fast for me, and t hei r arcacks felt li ke heatseek ing missiles. W he n I neutralized one foray, t he next came from Out of nowhere and I wen t flying. Chen watched rhese sessions, and made sub tle corrections. Every day, he (aug h t me new Tai Ch i principles an d refined my body mechanics and t ech nical u nders ta nding. r fe lt like a soft p iece of day being molded into shape. As the weeks and mont hs passed by, I devoted myself to train ing and made rapid progress. Worki ng wirh o rhc r beginners, I co uld q uick ly find and exp loit rbe tension in (heir bodies and at t im es I was ab le to scay corn plerely relaxed while t he ir attacks slipped b y me. Wh ile I learned wid) ope n pores-no ego in t he way-c-it seemed rhar man y other students were frozen in place, repeating t heir errors

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over and over, unable to Imp rove because of a fear of re leasi n~ old habits. When Chen mad e s u~~est i on s , they would explain t heir t hinking in an arrempc to justify t hemselves. T hey were locked up by the need to be cornu. I have lo ng bel ieved t hat if a student of vi rtually any disc ipline co uld avoid ever repeanng t he same mistake t wice- both tech nical and psychological- he or she would skyrocket to t he top of ebe ir fie l,l. O f course such a feat is im possib le-we are bo und to repeat t hema tic errors, if only because many themes are elusive and d ifficult to pinpo in t. For example , in my chess career I didn't realize I was faltering in rransirional moments u nt il man}' mont hs of study brought the pattern to hght. So t he aim is to minim ize repeti t ion as m uch as possible, by having an eye for consiste nt psycho log ical and tech nica l themes of erro r, In the last years of m y chess career, I was num bed b y a bui ldi ng sense of alienatio n. Pressure messed up my head and I gor st uck, like t he g uys doi ng Push H ands who do n't learn from their mista kes and practice with a des perate need ( 0 win , to he right, to have n'eryt hi ng u nder cont rol. This ultimately cripp les g row th and makes Tai Chi look like an extension of rush hour in Ti mes Sq uare. In those early Tai Chi years , m y m ission was to be wide open to every bi t of informat ion . r tr ied m y best to learn from eac h error, whether it was my nwn or t hat of a t raining part net. Each Push Hands class was a revelat ion, and afte r a few mo nths I could hand le most players who had been stud ying for a few years. "Ib is was an exciting t ime. As I internalized Tai Chi's rechnical foundacion, I began to see m y chess u nderstan,!ing manifest ing itself in the P ush Hands game. I was inti mate with com pet it io n, so offbeat st rateg ic dyn amics were in my

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blood . 1 would notice struct ural flaws 111 soroeooe's postu re, just as I migh t pick apart a chess position, or I'd play wit h combinations in ,I manner people were not familiar with. Pattern recog ni rion was a sr reng rh of m ine as well , and I q uickly picked up on people's tells. As the mont hs turned in ro years, my training became more and more vigorous and 1 learned how ro d issolve away from a ttacks while staying root ed to t he ground. It is a sublime fee lin).; when your root kicks in, as if you are not standing on the g round but anchored many fec r dec"p into the eart h . T he key is relaxed hip joints and sp ring-like body mechanics, so you can easily receive torce by coiling it down t hroug h your structure. Wor king on my root , 1 began to feel like a tree, swaying in t he wind u p mp, bu t deeply planted do wn low. In time, 1 was also able to make my Tal Chi meditation pract ice manifest in Push I la nds play. Techniq ues that are hidden wit hin t he form starred to come out of me spon taneously in martial exchanges. and sometimes partners wo uld ,!;O fl yin,!; away from me without my consciously do ing much at all. Th is was t rip py, but a nat ural conset]uence of systematic train ing. I have mentioned how a large part of 'Ia i Chi is releasing tension from your bod y t h roug h t he practice of the meditative form . This is dfenivel}' a clearing of interference. Now, add in the coordina tion of breathing with t he movements of the form, and whar you have is bod y and m ind energ izing into action out of stillness. \'(Iith practice, th e still ness is increasingly profound and (he transition into motion can be q uite explosive-this is where t he d ynamic p ushing or striking power of Tai Chi e merges: the radical change from em ptiness inro full ness. W hen d elivering force, ehe feeling inside t he body is of the ground con necting to your fi nger

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t ips , wit h nothi ng hlocking t h is co m m un icat ion. H ig hly sk ifled Ta i C hi p racritione rs are incredibly fast, fluid, responsi ve-in a sen se, t he embod iment of Muham mad Ali's "Float like a b ur rerfl y, sting like a bee. " While I was in ternalizing t his information , I was also conseandy trai n ing wit h people who we re far m ote advanced. T hey absolutely manhandled me. There was one ma ncall h im Evan- who was the shghd y out-of-con t rol powerho use of the school. Eva n was a six-f oor-rwo, 20 0- po u nd st-"(:ond-deg ree karare black belt, eight-year Aikido student, and eiglu -Ye"M stude nt of Tai Chi. Master Chen on ly let Evan pus h w it h people who cou ld hand le his agg ression without fl ip p ing ou t, rcnsinp , and g ctti ng hu rt . Bu t eve n rh cn, Evan often stirred up r onfron rario ns. O nce he felt I was ready, C hen started pairing rne up with Evan. Tal k abou t investi ng in loss! It is one t hing to p ut your eg o on hold, but this was brural. Eva n would have me plusrered up ag ainst a wall , m y feet a foot or tWOoff rhe ground, before I even saw che attack com ing . It is in t he spirit ofTai Ch i training for more ad vanced students [0 stop whe n th eir part ner is off-balance. Bur Evan had a d ifferent scyle. H e liked to put you on the g rou nd. \Veek afte r week, I would show up in class and g et h ammered by Evan. No matter how I tried to neutralize h is attacks, I just couldn't do if. l ie was too fast- how co uld I dodge wha t I r ou ld n'r see ? I k new I should avoid tensing up, b ut whe n he carne at me my who le body braced for impact. I had no idea how (0 func tio n from relaxation whe n a fre ig ht tra il) was It>vt>li ng me fift y t imes a nigh t. I felr like a p unchi ng bag. Basically, I had two opeions-c- l could either avoid Evan or gee beat up every class. I spent many months ge tt ing smashed around by Evan ,

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and adnunedly it was no r easy to mvest in loss when I was b~ing pummeled agains t walls-c-Ii terally, t he plaster was falli ng off in t he co rner o f the sch oo l into wh ich Evan invited me every night. I'd limp home from practice, bruised and wond crmg what had happened to my peaceful meditative haven. BUl the n a curious thing began to happen. f irst, as I gut used to taki ng shors from Evan, I stopped fearing rhe im pact. My body built up resistance to g erri ng smashed , learned how [() absorb blo ws, and I k new I cou ld rake what he had to offer. T hen as I became more relaxed under fire, Evan seemed ro slow dow n in my m ind. I noticed myself sensing his arrack before it began . I learned how to read his inrcnrion, and be out of the way before he pulled the trigger. As I g ut berrer and berrer at neutralizi ng his at tac ks, I hegan to noti ce and explo it weakn esses in h is game , and sometimes I found mysel f peacefully watching his ha nds ( orn e toward me in slow motion. T here ca me a mome nt whe n t he tables clearly turned for me and Evan. My rraining had gorren very inte nse, I had woo a couple of m id d leweig h t Nat ional Ch am pio nsh ip tides, and was p repari ng for the Wod d Cham pionships . Evan and I hadn't worked toget her in a while beca use he started avo l~l ll1g me as I improved. But rlus eveni ng Master Chen paired us up on rhe mats. Evan carne at me like a bull, and I instinctively avoided his ons laught and threw h im on the floor. H e got up. came back at me , and r tossed h im again . I was shocked by how ea sy it fclr. After a few mi nu tes of t h is Evan said rhat h is foot was bor benng h im and he called it a nigh t. W~ shook hands, and he would neve-r work wi t h me again. Refl ecting o n our relationship, I don't t h ink t here was ever any malice in Evan's actions. Trut h be to ld, I t h ink he

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is a good guy whose no-nonsense, smash mout h approach to mart ial arcs trai ni ng p resen ted me w it h a priceless learni ng opportu nit y, It 's dear rhar if in t he beginn ing I had needed to look good to satisfy m y ego, rhen I wo uld have avoided t hat opportu nity and all t he pain t hat accompanied it. For his part, Evan was big an d Strong, and to an inexperienced ma rt ial artist he was tert ifying , but his forceful approach held him back from inte rnalizing some of t he more sub t le ele me n ts of rhe an . Most cri tically, Evan was un willing ro invest in loss him self. III< could have taken m y im proveme nt as a chance ro raise his game, b ut instead he Opted OU f.

, , , T hinki ng back on m y compe nrive life, I realize how d efi ning t hese t hemes of Begi nn" " M i nd and 11/I'fJ/II11:1II in IfiJJ have bee n. Period ically, I have had to rake apart m y game and go t hro ug h a ro ug h parch . In all d isciplines, t he re are times when a performe r is ready for an ion, an d times when he or she is soft. in fl ux, b roken-down o r in a period of g rowth . Learners in t h is p hase are inevitably vul nerable. It is important to have perspective on t his and allow yourself p rorecred periods lilr cultivatio n. A g ifttd boxer with a fab ulo us r ight and no left w ill get beat up while he t ries to learn t he jab . Or ra ke t he rale nred hig h school basket ball playe r learning how (0 play poi nt g uard at the (ollege level. H e may have been able to dom in ate schoolya rds in his past, b ut now he has to lea rn to S{'C t he whole cou rr, share t he ball, o ri ng t he bes t our of h is teammates . If a you ng arhlete rs expected to perform brilliant ly in his first g ames with in th is new system, he WIll su rely disa ppoint . l ie needs t ime to internalize the new sk ills before he will im prove. T he same (an be said about a (hess playe r ad jw;ting to a new open ing

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repertoire, a martial artist learn ing a new technique. or a golfer, for exam ple l i g er Woods, taking apart his swing in order to make a long -term im p rovement. H ow can we incorpo rate these id eas into the real world? In certain competiti ve arenas-s-our working lives, for example-there are seldom wei..ks in which perfo rm ance does not matter. Similarly, it is nor so di fficult co have a beg m ner's m ind and to he willing to invest in loss whe n you are truly a beginne r, but it is m uch harder to maintain rhat humility and openness ro learni ng whe n people are watching and expec ting you (0 perform . Tru e e noug h. T h is was a h ug e problem for me in my chess career after the movie came out. Psycholog ically, I d id n't give myself t he room to Invest 10 loss , My response is t hat it is essent ial (0 have a h herJ.r ing i",n lllenr"l,lppro;teh rhar allows fo r rim es when you are not in a peak performance sta te. We must take responsibility fo r ourselves, and not expec t the rest of t he world to understand what it takes to become [he best that we Gill become. G reat nncs arc will ing to g et burned r ime and aga in as t hey sharpe n the ir swords in the fire. Consid er Michael J ord an. It is common knowledge rhar J ordan made more lasr -rni nu re shots to win the ga me (or his team [han any other p layer in the h istory of t he N BA. Wha t is not so well known, is tha t Jordan also missed more lust-rnin ure shots co lose t he g ame for h is team than an y other player in the h istory of t he game. W hat made him rhc g rearesr was nor prrfccrion, bur a WIlli ngness to put himself on rhe line as a way of Iire. D id he suffer all t hose n igh t s whe n he sent twent y thousand Bulls fans hom e heartbroken? O f course. Bu t he was willing to look bad on t he [0,1<.1 to basketball immortality.

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My search for the essential principles lying at the hea rts of and connecting chess, the martial arts, and in a broader sense the learr ung process, was inspired [() a certain extent by Roben Pirsigs Zen dnd fix Arf 0/ Aloforqde /Ud ;nfendllCe. I'll never forge t a scene that would guide m)' ap proach to learoiog for years to come. T he proragonisc of Pirsig's story a brilliant if eccentric man named Phaedrus, is reaching a rhetoric studenf who is all jammed up when g iven the assignment to write a five- h undred-word story abou r her town. She can't write a word. The town seems so small, so incidemal-c--whar cou ld possibly he interesti ng enough to write about? Phaedrus l iberates the g irl from her wri ter's block by changing t he nssignmenr. Ill,' asks her to wri te about the front of the opera house outsi de her classroom on a small srrec r in a small neighhorh(Kxl of tha t same d ull town . She should beg in with the upper-left hand brick. Ar first t he srudenr is incred ulous, but t hen a torrent of creariv iry un leashes and she can't stop writing, T he next J ay she comes to class wit h t wenty inspired pages. I belit'Ve this li ttle anecdote has the porenrial to disting uish success from failure in t he pursuit of excelle nce, T he

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t heme is dep t h over b read th. T he learn ing p r incip le IS to p lu n};e into the de tailed mys tery of the mic ro in order (() u nd er stand what ma kes the m acro tick. O u r o bst acle is t hat we li ve in an an e neion-de ficir culture. W e are bom ba rded wi t h mo re an d more in for m atio n o n tel ev ision , radio, cell phones, video games, t he I nternet. T he cons tant supply of stimulus has t he potential ro tu rn us into ad d icts, a lways hu ngering for someth ing new and prefabricated to keep l.I5 ente rtained. \'q hen nor hing exciring is };oin}; on, we mig ht ge t bored, dis t racted, separated from rhc mom ent. So we look for new entertai nment, su rf channels, Hip th rou gh m ag azines. If caug h t in t hese rhy th ms, we arc like t iny cu rren t- bou nd su rface fis h, float ing along a two-d ime nsional world without any sense for the gorgeous abyss below, \'q hen t hese societally induced tendencies rranslere into t he learning p rocess, they ha ve d evastat ing effect.

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• • • Let's ret urn to {he mart ial arts. I t hink it is safe to say t hat ma ny people co nscious ly o r unco nsciousI}· associat e the rerm !/IcJrlial art with legend and fi lm . We t h in k of nin jas passin}; invisi bly throu g h t he nig h t, or shrouded he roes run n ing up wa lls and fl ying th roug h t he air in Cr()#chillg Tij!,fr H i ddm D ragon. \'qe see w ild leaping Van Dam me kicks and J acki e Chan fl ip,>. \'qe wa tch complcrelv unrealisti c choreography, fi lm ed with sophisticated aerial wires and raucous specia l efti..,<:ts, and some of us come away wan t ing to <10 rhar stuff too. T his leads to [he most com mon error in t he learn ing of mart ial arts: to rake on roo m uch ar on ce . Many " Kung Fu" schoo ls fuel [h is p rob lem by teac hing nume rous flo wery forms, choreographed sets of movernenr, and Stud ents arc rated by how man y form s t hey k now. Everyone

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races to learn more and more, but norh ing IS (lone deeply Thing s look pretty but t hey are supe rficial, wichour a sound bod y mechanic or principled foundaeion, Not hing is learned at a hig h level and what results are form collectors with fancy ki cks and twirls that have absolutely no martial val ue . I had a d iffe rent app roach. From very early on, I felt t hat the movi ng med icat ion ofTai Ch i Chua n has the prim acy mart ia l p u rpose of allowing practit ioners to refine ce rt ain fundamental p rinci ples. " Many of t hem Gin be exp lored by stand ing up , taking a stance, and inc rementally refi ni ng the sim plest of moveme nts-c-for examp le pushing your hand s six inches t hroug h the air. With the p ract ice of this type of simp lifi ed motion you can feci t he sub tlest ripples insid e t he bud y. You become aware of all the tension that resides in yom feet, legs, back, and shoulde rs. T hen you release t he tension , step b y step. hour by hour, mont h by mo nth , a nd with t he fad ing of ten sion com es a whole new world of sensation . You learn to d irect yo ur awareness inside the bod y, and soon enough your fi ngers come alive with ti ngl ing, you feel heat su rg ing up your hac k and throug h you r arms. T he Tai Ch i system ( an be seen as a com prehensive ls borarory fo r in rernalizing good fundamentals, releasing tension , and culrivac(ng eoergenc awareness. I pract iced t he Tai Ch i meditative form d ili,l;t'nt ly, many hOUT<; a day. At t im es I repeated segments of th e form over and over, hon ing certain techn iq ues whi le refi ning m y body mechanics and deepening my sense of relaxation . I focusexl on

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wei>:h, by ,d ".. in>: the hip join", ,'vcr_d«l"'ni nl' , ,,b x,, i,,n , , h,· n~"Jin .. i"n of m ind, b,,,ath, and body , a"'o" ,n,,,. "f in"'rnal """ 'joii"" win.linjoi "I' « ) dd i,',·, a ",il", ,oil injoi inmminjoi fon t' down in'" ,he >: """,J . f(~"injoi; . mp, ~' injoi on" par< of the b,~ly whil" .n«joii,.injoi ~norh.,

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small m ovemen ts, somet imes spe nll l1lg hours movi ng my hand out a few inches, then releasing it back, enn,.;izin;.; outwards.connecting my feet to my fingerti ps with less and less c bsrruc non . Practicing in t hi s m anner, I was able (0 sharpen my jre/1IJf!, for 'Iai Ch i. When through painstaking refinement of a sm all movement I had the improved feeling. r could t ranslate it onto other pans of the futm, and sudde nly everyt hing wou ld stan flowing at a higher level. T he key was ro recognize that the princi ples ma ki ng one sim p le tech niq ue tick were t he same fundamentals that fueled the whole expansive syste m ofTai Chi Chu an. T his method is simila r to my carl }' study of ches s, where I explored endgame posit ions of red uced comp lexi ty-fo r example king and pawn against king, on ly t hree pieces on t he hoard-in order to touch high-level pri nciples such as the power of em p ty space, Z/lgUl'allg (where any move of t he opponent w ill d estroy h is pos ition ), tem po , or st ructural p lan ning . O nce I experienced t hese principles, I could apply t hem to com plex posit ions because t hey were in m y mental framewo rk. H owever, if you study co mp licated chess open ings and midd legames right off the bat, it is d iffic ult to thi nk in an abstract axiomatic lang uage because all your energ ies are p reoccupied with not bl undering. It would be absurd to try to teach a new fi;.;u re ska ter the principle of relaxation on t he icc by launching st raight into triple axcls. She should begin wit h the fundamentals of g lid ing along t he ice, turn ing , and skat ing bac kwards with d eepening relaxation , Then , st ep by step , more and more comp lreared m aneu vers can be absorbed, wh ile she maintains the sense of case t hat was init jal1)1 expe rienced wit h in the simplest skill set , So, in m y Tai Ch i work I savored t he n uance of small morsels. The lone form I sr udied was W illiam Chen 's, and I

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took it on piece by piece , gradually soo.king its pnnciples mm m y ski n. Every day I di d this subrle work at horne and then tested it m class at nigh t. It was easy to see whether someth ing worked or nor, because training wit h advanced playcrs likr Evan usually involved one of us grning smashed into the wall. In t hese intense sparri ng sessions, showy moves didn'r work . There was no m argin for ideali zed fanciness . T h ings happe ned roo q u ick ly. It soon became clear that t he next srep of my g rowth would involve maki ng my existing repertoire more pott nt. It was ri me to ra ke m y new feelinf!. and put ir to act ion.

• • • W hen skilled m artial anises face off, it is very d ifferent from cho reographed Ho llywood fight scenes. Hig h- level practitioners rarely ove rextend, and they know how to read incoming attacks. Large fancy m ovements like cinematic spinni ng b ack - k ic ks usuall y don't wo rk . T hey are tOO releg ruphed and take roo long to reach the rarger. A boxing jab is m uch more cffccnve becau se it covers little d istance , ir's quick, and it's fund am entally sound. A cnrical cha llenge for all practical ma nial aeris rs is to make th eir diverse tech n iq ues take on t he efficiency of t he jab. W hen I watched W ill iam Chen spar, he was incred ib ly u nde rstated and exudc>J shocki ng power. While some are content to call suc h ab ilities chi and stand in awe, I wanted [ 0 u nd erstand what was gning on . T he nex t p hase of my ma rtial growt h wou ld invo lve tu rni ng the large lI1fO t he small. My understanding of rhi s process, in t he spinr of my nJ",J!;ers 10 If:4w nUlllh':rJ method of chess study, is to touch the essence (for example, highly refined and deep ly in ternalized body mechanics or feelinf!. ) of a tec hnique, and t hen ro incre-

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mentally condense the external ma nifestatio n of t he tec hnique while keeping rrue to in essence. O ver t im e expa nsiveness dec reases while potency increases. I call th is met hod "M aking Smaller Circles." Let 's co m bine Pin ig J n rifk w ith m y concept of i\lak ing Smaller Cirdes and see how they work. Lee's say that I am cu ltiva ring a certain martial rech nique-c-for a simple example, a classic sHaig ht punch . I stand with my left leg forward, my hands up by m y head to protect m y fa~e. T he jab is a short pu nch com ing from the lefr , forward hand. The srraig hr is rhe power punch corning from t he ground, ge neraring t h roug h m y left fnot , and moving rh rnug h my lefr leg, torso, diago nally across and up to the right side of m}' back, th roug h t he shoulder, rricep, and fi nally delivered by the second a11<1 rhircl knuc kles of m y rig ht hand. f irst, I practice the motion over and over in slow motion . We have to be able to do something slow ly before we can have any hope of doi ng it cor rect ly wirh speed. I release m y lefe h ip, w ind up, and spring t he rig ht hand into motion as my left foot and hip joint spin my waist and uppe r bnJ y in to acti on . Init ially I'll have tension in m y shoulder or back, bur then I' ll sooth it away, slowly repea ting the move ment unt il t he co rrect body mechanics are in my ski n. O ver t ime, I' m not rhink in}; abo ut the path from foot to fist , I' m just fed in,l; the g rnu nd co nnecting to my fi ngert ips, as if my body is a con duir for rhe elecmca l impu lse of a p unc h. Then I start speeding rh ings up, w inding up and deli vering, over and over. Even tually I start us mg a heavy bag, p ract ic ing t hese body mechanics wit h increasing power, b uilding resistance in my body so I can deli ver more and m ore force Wit hout hurt ing myself. My coiling g ets stronger and scmenrnes I hit (he bag with a su rpris ing pop. A dangerous moment. W hen

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hl ni ng some th ing instead of rnovm g through emp ty space, I migh t stan to };~t excited and th row m y shoulder into rhe p unch. T h is is a classic er ror. It breaks my structure and destroys the connection from foot to f mgemp-c-rna ny boxl'TS make' [his m i,take and come away wit h shoulder in ju ries . I wane to punch w itho ut p u nch ing . N o inrencion. My reacher \Vill iam C hen sometimes teaches p unc hing by telling students to pour a cup of rea . It 's a beaut iful th ing . Pouri ng tea creates t he perfec t punch, because people's minds don 't get in [he way. O kay, so now weeks and months (maybe years) pass w it h the cu ltivarion nf t he right straight pu nch. I k nnw how to w ind up properly. W hl'n l h it the bag, nothing h urts, t here are nu b reaks in my struct ure. It feels as if t he ground is smashing the bag t hroug h my fist, and m y body mechanics are smoot h and relaxed . I' ve also builr up quire a bit of power from all [he work with winding up, coil ing, and releasing rhe body into mo tion . W hen throwing my rig ht , I d on't th ink about any t hing techn ical anymo re, m y bod y JUSt k nows the r ight feel ing and J~ it. No m ind. It 's in [he blood. I've learned how to throw a straight rig h t. But not really The th in}; is, unless t hey are Hustered or caug ht in an awkward mome nt, a good figh ter (S ra rely going to get caug h t with a bi}; 01' Ion}; wound-u p straigh t p unch. It's just too obvious. This is where Makin!!. Smaller Cirdes come'S into play. By now the bod y mechanics of [he pu nch have been condcnscd in my m ind to aftdmg. I don't new to hear or see any effec t-my bod y knows when It is ope rat ing correc tly by an internal sense of ha rmony. A parallel wou ld be a t rained singer who, t hrough years of p ract ice, knows what the notes feel li ke vibrating inside . T hen she is g ivi ng a co ncert in a big venue and t he sou nd system i, a nig h t mare. From

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onstege, she can't hear herself at all- a su rpn sing ly com mon occurren ce. T he great performer (an deliver a virtuoso performance without hearing a th ing , because she k nows how t he notes sho uld fed coming Out , even if her primary monitor-her cars-c-a re tem porarily u navai lable . So I know what a pro perly delivered straight right feels like. N ow [ begin to slowly, inc remen tally, condense my movements wlule maintaining t hat fee/mg. Instead of a big wind -up in t he hips, I (Oil a little less, and then I release t he pu nch. W hile ini tially r may have t hrown my straig ht from next to my ear, now I gradually inch my hand Out, sta rt ing t he punc h from c loser and closer to t he ta rg et-and I don't lose power' T he key is to take small steps, so the bod y can barely feel t he conde nsing pracrice. Each lir tle refi nement is monitored by the f ed mg of the pu nch, whic h I gai ned from months o r years of training with the large , t rad it ional motion. Slowly but surely, my body mechanics get more and more potent. M y waist needs lin le movement to g enerate speed. My hand Gill barely move and sti ll d eliver a powerful blow. Event uall y I can del iver a straig h t punch that looks nothing like a straight p unch . If you' ve ever watched some of the most explosive hitters in the boxing world, f or instance Mike Tyson or Muha m mad Ali, you'v e seen fig hts where knoc kouts look com pletely unrealist ic. Sometimes you have (0 watch in slow motion, over and over, to see any pu nch at all. They have condensed large circle, into very small ones, and made rbcir skills virruallv invisible to the uncrained eye. T he cbesstc manifes rac ic ns of t his phenomenon are q mte interesting. For example, arguably the mos t fundamental chess p r incipl e is cen t ral control. At all levels of p lay, t he compet itor who domi nat es the middle of rhe chessboard will usually have an advantage because from t his placement his

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or her pieces can influence t he entire ban!e. Curiously, ,f you study rhe ,.;ames of some very strong G rand mas te rs, t hey seem to comple tely disregard t his p rinciple. T he British star M ichael Ad am s m igh t be t he dearest case in point. H is pieces arc ofren on (he f lanks and he appears ro casually give opponents central dominance-and yer he wi ns. T he secret behind this style of pia}' is a profound internalization of t he principles behind central domination. MIC hael Adams knows how {() control t he center wit ho ut appear-ing to have anyth ing ro do wi th t he re n te r, lie has made t he circles so small, eve n G rand masters cannot see them.

• • • T his concept of Maki lll{ SII/alla Cirdes has been a critical compo nent of r ny learn ing process in chess and th e mart ial arts. In bo t h fields, p layers tend to get attached ro fa ncy tech niq ues and tail ro recognize that subtle inrernalization and refineme nt is m uch more important than t he quanrity of wha t is learned . I t hin k it was t his u nd erst and ing t hat won me my first Push H ands N at io nal Cham p io nsh ip in Nove mber 2000 , after JUSt rwo years of Tai Chi smdy. Surely ma ny of m y opponenrs k new more about Ta i Chi than I d id, but I was very good ar whar l chd know. I hall condensed my body mechanics into a poeen r Sla te, whi le mos t of my opponent s had large, elegant, and relat ively irnp rac tical roperroires . T he facr is tha t when chere is imense competi tion, rhosc who succeed have slightly more honed ski lls t han t he resr . lr is rarely a rnysrerious tech niq ue that drives u s to rhe t op , b ut rather a p rofound maste ry of wha t may well be a basic skill sec. Dep t h beats b readt h any day of the week , because it opens a chan nel for the intang ible, unco nscious, creat ive co m po nem s of ou r hidden porential.

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A 230-Jmllnd giant }!,liiu'ered emd railed hi! urist to mine. His kat'), sU'CdtingfaC/! SlIId l(d of rage. This glty U'dJ an all:fiIllpltshd fighter u'ith a /limn strrak and lou offriends at tbe IO/irtlalllelit. H( u-anted to tear lilt apart. "F!Jt referee stood f rozen , pf!iled tf! let IIJ I/}l)U I« round tU'(I. I took a defp breath. exhe/led. frt:llXfh. nsed it agdlmt him. NflII' / hid !Jilll iliad. aggren i!v:. alld iiff halance. Tix ref gilt't the signal and III)' oppollent txpllJdtd into me. a brutal affad. flJll/i tiK fast [rom all angles hut SOllJemiU' in SliJU' motron /I'hel1 I rela.wd i1ll1' the 111/J//1t:1It. /n Tai Ch, the arWt Iwrns

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had: ol/fo itJelf bill this iJ wSler said rJU/1I done uhm the im:lllllini!, /';IJlmfe is mmed by de"" lei of martial training. AI) JIM"hkr slipptd bad ulJen his Itft h'/IldflewIOrl/'ard. bis fist jilled the empty spare. bllt then his rii!,ht halld surged touwrd my !tmlli1fh. I //Jelted au',,) Ix[ore the [one connected. rau}!,ht bii right dlmu:. and f IJlIlJu'l:d the 1111J1/lf>ltlil/l, N rxt thing I kneu' the K/lY U
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, , , When I t hin k of [his resnng moment in m y mart ial arts ca re er, it rem inds m e of t hat afternoon in India some years earlier when an earthquake spu rred me to revela tion. In both cases, d ist ractinn was con vened into fuel for high performance. In the chess scene, the shaki ng jolted my mi nd into clarity and I discovered. t he criti cal sol ut ion to the pos it io n. In the Push Hands moment , m y broken hand mad e t ime slow down in my rmnd and J was able to reach t he most he ig htened sta le of awareness of m y life. In t he cha pter The Soft Zone, I menti on ed t hat t he re are t h ree critical st eps in a resilienr performe r's evolvi ng relati onsh ip to chaotic situations. First , we haw to learn to be at peu<:e with 126

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im perfection . I men t io ned t he image of a blade of grass bending to hurricane-force winds in contrast to a brirrle twig snapping under p ressu re. N ext, in our performance training. we learn to use t hat im pe rfection to our advantage-s-for example thinking to t he bear of the music or using a !;;haking world as a curalysr for insight. T he th ird step of this process, as it pertains to performance psycholog y, is to learn to create ripples in ou r consciousness, little jolts to spu r us along , so Wt art consranrly inspired whether or not external cond itions arc ins p iri ng. If it in it iall y w ok an ea rthq uake or broken hand for me to gai n clarit y, I wanr to u se that experience as a new baseline for m y everyd ay capab ilit ies. In other words, now t hat I have seen what real focus is all about, I want ( 0 get there all t he ti me-bur I don 't want [() have rc break a hone when ever I wan t my rr und to kick In to its fu ll potential. So a deep mastery of performance psyc hology involves the internal creation of inspiring cond itions. I will lay out my m et hod olog y for sysremancally cu lt ivat ing t h is ab iliry in Pan III. In this chap ter. I will rake t hese three steps of high- performance train ing an d illustrate how th ey' a re also cri tical com ponents of the long -term learni ng process.

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• • • Let 's ret urn to t hat in cense scent in which m y broke n hand insp ired a moment of martial d arirr- My perception became so heightened that I saw everythi ng in slow mot ion. My oppooe nt seem ed sruck in m olasses whi le I co uld move at fu ll speed . The experience was very inspi ring and ended up bein}; a beaco n for m y mart ial ans training for years to come, llcweve r, I faced an immedi ate problem once t he adrenaline faded . I was left wit h a broken hand seven weeks beforc t he National Cham pionships.

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non, reading and controlling m y opponent's breath patterns and inte rnal blinks, subrle unba lancing touches that set up t he dramaric t hrows char ult imately seeal t he spotlight. After these periods of reflen ion, I'll almost invariably have a leap in abili ty because m r new physical ski lls arc su percharg ed by becoming inregrared into my mental framewor k. T he im portance of undu lat ing between external and in ternal (or concrete and abstract; rechnical and intuiti ve) tra ming applies ro all d iscip lines, and unfort unately t he internal rends to be ne,.; len ed. Most inrelfigenr N FL players, for example, use t he off-season to look ar t heir schemes more abs tractly, study tapes, b reak down aerial views of (he field, non ce offensive and defensive patterns. T hen, du ring t he season t hey somet imes fall into tu nnel vision, because the routine of consranr pain requires every last bit of reserves. I have heard quire a few NFL qoarrerbacks who had minor inju ries and were forced to sit our a ,game or two, speak of the injur y as a val uable op port unity to concenrrare on the me ntal side of their games. \V hen they rerum, rhey play at a higher level. In all at hle tic disciplines, it is t he int ernal work that makes the physical mat t ime cl irk, hue it is easy to lose touc h with this reali ty in the m idd le of the };rind. Since I had broken my righ t hand , J was forced to cultivate m y weaker side. I quick ly realized that there were cert ain ma rtia l movemen ts rhat I relied on m y strong hand to covet, and now m y left had to catch up so it cou ld do everyth ing. Day by Jay, my left learned new skills, from J efl e["{ing at tacks to uproocing someon e at u n usual ang les to eating with chopsticks , After a co uple weeks of slow work. my fractured rig h t hand was a bit more seable. I was used to protecting it behind me while play ing wit h m y left, and I was also comfortab le fall ing and rolling w it hout rouchirrg

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the floor. so I was able to mix it up a bit rna T hen m y teac her began pai ring me up with slightly reo to

more

aggressive tra ining partne rs who were less ski lled than rne and nor necessarily controlled . A couple of these guys reall wanted ro p rove somethi ng . I was a big fish at the school an~ now was their moment [0 domina te me . They had two hands, I had one, and they intended to exploit the advantage. Clearly, I had ro approach these siruarions wit h openness 10 being tossed around . If I wasn't prepared to invest in loss ,

there would be no way ro do this work. That said, it was fas. cinating to sec how my body reacted . My left arm instinc_ tively became like two arms, with my elbow nemralizing my oppo nen t's right hand and my hand co nt ro lling his left arm. I had no id ea th e body could work rhis way, and after a few days of this train ing , the notion that I was playing at a di sadvantage faded. I felt completely comfortable with one hand against two, so long as I was a bit more skilled than my parrner.

This new perspective opened up a whole new vision of martial intercourse. I reali zed that w henever I could control two of hi s limbs with one of m ine, I could easily use my unoccupied arm for free-p ickings. Today, techniques around this idea are a staple in my competitive martial style. If even fo r a blin k of an eye you ca n control two of t he other guy's limbs with one of yours, either with angle or timing or some SOrt of clinch, then the opponent is in grave danger. The free hand can take him apart. This principle applies to nearly all Co ntact sports : baskerball, football, sorter, wrestl ing , hockey, boxing, you name it. On the chessboard it is also relevant . Any moment that one piece can control, • • inhibit , or tie down two or more pieces, a potentially cnncal imbalance is crea te d o n th e rest of th e board . On a 130

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deeper level , this p rinciple can be applied psycho log ically whenever opposing forces d ash . Wherher speaking of a cor porate negorianon, a legal barde, or even war itsel f, if t he opponent is tempor arily ned dow n qoalirarively or energetically more than you arc expending ro ti c it down, you have a larg e adva ntage. The ke y is to master the tec hn ical sk ills appropria te tile applyi ng this id ea ro you r area of focus . I was familiar with this compecirive p rinciple from my ( hess days, b ur ir wasn' t unt il I was forced to train onehanded t hat I bega n to unde rstand how potently it could be applied to the marna! arcs. I would never have g uessed rhar I could control two hand s w ith one in a frc'Cstyle exchange, h ut ro he honesr, after three or four weeks I became so comtunable fending off bo th m y op ponent's hands wit h m y left, t hat t he idea of ult imately g etting my right hand h ack felt l ike an unfai r luxury, Th is i nju ry was becoming a tremendo us so urce of insp iratio n . T here was also an intrigu ing p h ysical compone nt of my recove ry, I wanted ro compete in the Narionals, so b izarre th ou g h it ma y so und I resolved no t to atrophy. At this point in m y life I was very involved in the subtle interna l dynamics of t he bod y th roug h Tai Ch i meditation. 1 had
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fully healed, and I had hardl y at rop hied at all. The dOCtor cleared me to compete. On Wednesday I did my first wei hr workout on my righr side in seven weeks, on Friday I fle:to San Diego, and on Saturday, sligh tly favo ri ng my newly empowered left arm, I won th e N at io nals.

* * * One thing I have learned as a compet itor is that there are clear distinctions between what ir cakes to be decem, what it takes to be good , what it takes to be great, and what it takes to be among the best. If your goal is to be mediocre, then you have a considerable marg in fo r error. You can get depressed when fired and m ope around wait ing fo r someone to call with a new job offer. If you hurt your toe , you can cake six weeks watching television and eating potato chips. In line with that m ind -set , most people think of in juries as setbacks, something they have to recover from Ot deal with. From the outside, fo r fans or spectators, an inj ured athlete is in purgacory. hovering in an impotent state between competing and sitting on the bench. In my m artial arts life, every t ime I tweak my body, well-intended people like my mother sugges t I take a few weeks off training . What they don't realize is that if I were to stop training whenever something hurt, I would spend m y whole year on the couch. Almost without except ion, I am back on t he m ats the next day, figuring out how to use m y new situation to heighten elements of my game. If I want to be the best, I have to take risks ochers would avoid, always op tim izi ng the learning potential of the moment and turn ing ad versi ty to my advantage. That said, there are times when the body needs to heal, but those ate ripe opportunities to deepen the mental, tet hnical, internal side of my game. 132

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\X/hen aiming fo r t he top, your path requites an engaged, searching mind. You have to make obstacles spur you to erean,. .e new angles in the learning process. Let setbacks deepen rour resolve. You should always come off an injury at a ioss be"er than when you went down. AnOthet angle on this issue is the unfortunate correlation for some between consis-

tency and monotony. It is all tOO easy to get caught up in the routines of our lives and to lose creativity in the learning process - Even

peopl e who are completely devoted to cultivating a certain di scipline often fall into a mental rut, a disengaged lifestyle th at implies excellence can be obtained by going through the motions . We lose presence. Then an injury or some other kind of setback throws a wrench into rhe gears. We are fo rced to get imaginative. Ultimately we sho uld learn how to use the lessons from this type of experience without needing

to

get injured: a

basketball player shou ld play lefty for a few months, to even Out his game. A soccer player who favors his right leg should not take a rig ht- footed shot for an extended period of rime. If dirty opponents inspire a great competitor to raise his game, he should learn to raise his game without relying on the ugly ruses of his opponents (see Making Sandals, in Parr III). Once we learn how to use adversity to our advantage, we can manufacru re t he helpful growth oppon unity without actual danger or injury. I call this tool lhe mtemal " lutiol1_ we can notice external events that crigger helpful grOwth or performance opport unities, and then internalize the effects of those events without their actually happening. In.this way, adversity becomes a tremendous source of ereatIve ,.

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As a ch ild I had a fear rhar I could never be a chess mas ter because I woul d n't be able to fir all the informa rion into my m ind, Someti mes after two hours of a chess lesson, m y teacher's words seemed to g o In one ear and out t he other, and I envisioned a b rain filled to rhe bri m , W here could I ever pur so m uc h mo re? And if !
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b mations. Increasing ly, I had t he sense that t he key to these leaps was inreeconnecred ness-c-some part of my bei n,l; was harmonizing all my relevant k now ledge, ma ki ng it gel into one porenr eru ption, and suddenly t he enigmatic was crystal-clear. But what was really happening~ T he question of inruition is hody deb ared among psychologisrs, philosophe rs, and artis ts, and it has been a source of much research and rhough r in m y life. My g randrnor her, Stell a \Vairz ki n, a boldly creative Abstract Exp ression ist painter and scu lptor, used to tel l me that intuition was the hand of G od . Artists often refer to intuition as a muse. In the introduction, I meneioncd that one philosophy professor of mine at Colu m bia University tol d me, rather proudly, t hat the vety not ion uf intuitiun is incoherent-c-rt doesn 't exist. In my op inion, meurtion is our most valuable compass In this world. It is t he b ridge between the unconscious and the conscious mind, and it is hugely im portant to keep in touch with what makes it tic k. If we get so caugh t lip in narcissistic academic literalism t hat we dismiss int uiti on as nonexiste nt because we don 't fully understa nd it, or if we blithely consider t he unconscious to be a piece of mac h ine ry t hat operates mystically in a realm tha t we have no connection to, then we lose the rich opportun ity to have open comm unication wi t h t he wells pring of our creativ ity. For much of rhi: book I have described m y vision of the toad to mastery-you start wit h the fundamentals, get a solid found atioo fueled by understandi ng the pri nciples of your discipline, the n }'OU expand and rehne your repe rtoire, guided by your individual predispositions, while kt'l'p ing in tou ch, however abstractly, with what you fee l to he the essential core of the art, W hat results is a network of deeply inrcrnalized, in terconnected knowledge that expands from a

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ceneral, persona l locus poi nt, T he q uest ion of in nu non relates to how rhur ne twork is navig ated and used as fuel for creative insig h t. Let's begin rhe pl unge into rhis issue w it h chess servi ng as a metapho r fer all d iscip lines , T he deares t way ro approach t h is di scussion i.s wi t h rhc imag ery of fhllukill}!, and can 'ed lleural parhu
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random situatio ns whi le th e stronge r p layers were a b,t lost witho ut "logic ro the posi t ion." So, in a nurshell , chunking relates to the m ind's abi lity to take lots of informatio n, find a harmonizing/log ically consisrenr strain, and put it togethe r inro one men tal fil e t hat can be accevsed as if it WCf(' a single piece of inform ation. By "carved neural pathways" I am rt ft t t ing to t he proCtSS of crear mg ch un ks and rhe navig at ion system between ch unks. I am no t making a li teral p hysical desc nprion, so much as illus trating the way rhc brain 0pl:mces. Let's say t hat I spend fifteen years studying chess. Du ring t hese thousands of hou rs, my mind is dfet.:ti vely cutting pat hs t hrough the dense jungle of chess. T he jungle analogy ts a g ooJ one. Imag ine huw rim e-consu m ing it would be to use a machete tc cur your way throug h t hick foliage. A few rr ules cou ld take days. O nce the pat h is cleared, ho wever, you cou ld move qu ickly t hrough the clearing. If you were to make a road and ride a bi ke or other veh icle, the transporta ti on wou ld get fas te r still . When confronted by a new chess posit ion, in it ially I have to p lod t h roug h t he variations. D uring this ptocess, I discove r organi zin}o; prin ciples and new parttrns of movement . T his new inform ation gets systemat ized into a network of chun ks t hat I can access w it h increasing ease as my navigat ional fu nct ion im p roves. Now, let's turn to the learn ing of chess and see how these funcrions really operate. We wi ll start w ith J ay one. 11K" fi rst th mg I have to <10 is to interna lize how t he p ieces move . I have to learn t he ir val ues. I ha ve to learn how to roordinare them wit h one another. Early on, t hese steps m ight seem com plex . T here is t he pawn, t he kn ig ht , the bishop , t he rook, rhc q ucen, and the ki ng , Each piece is un ique, w ith irs

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own strengths and weaknesses. Each t ime I look at a chess p iece I have to remember what ir is and how ir m oves. T hen I look at the next piece and try to remember how that one moves. T he re are initially rhirry-rwo pieces on a chessboard . To make a respo nsible c hess decision, I have to look at all t hose pieces and check fur captures, q uick arracks , and other obv ious possibilities. By the t ime I };et to t he t hird p iece, I'm already a bi t overwhelmed. By t he tent h piece I have a headac he, have already for};o [(en what I discovered abour the fi rst nine pieces, and my opponent is bored . At th is po int I will probably JUS t m ake a move and b lunder. So let 's say t hat now, instead of lau nch ing from the stand ard starli ng position, we begi n on an empty board wi th just a king and a paw n agai nst a k ing . T hese are relatively sim ple p ieces. I learn how t hey both mo ve, and t hen I p lay around with them for a whi le until I feel cornforreble. T hen , over t im e, I learn about bishops in iso latio n, t hen knijjh rs, rooks, and queens. Soon enough, the movemen ts and values of the chess pieces are nat ural to me. I don 't have to thi nk about the m consci ously, b ut sec t heir potential simultaneously with the figu rine itself. Chess pieces Stop being hunks of wood or plastic, and begin to rake on an energetic d im ension. Where the pece cu rrently sits on a chessboa rd pales in comparison to the cou ncless vectors of potemialll.yin.c: off in t he mind. I sec how each piece affens t hose arou nd it. Because the basic movements are natu ral to me, r can take in more infor mation a nd have a b roader perspect ive of the board . Now when I look at a chess posi tio n, I call see all t he pieces at OllCC . T he network is coming together. Next I have to learn the princi ples of coof
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how to maximize a g iven so ld ier's effect iveness in a particular serring. T hese road sig ns art principles. Just as r in itially had to thi nk abou t each chess p iece ind ividua lly, now I have to p lod th rough the princip les in my brain to fi,gure Out which apply to rhc current position and how. O ver time, t hat process becomes increasingly natural to me, u ncil l eventually see t he pieces and rhe appropria te pri nci ples in a blin k. W h ile an intermed iate p layer Will lear n how a bishop's streng th in the midd leg am e d epend s on the ce ntral fXlwn st ruct ure, a slig h tly more advanced player wi ll just flash his or her mind across file board and rake in the bishop and t he critical structural compo nents. The struct ure and t he bishop arc one. Neither has any int rinsic value outside of its relation to the other, and t hey are chun ked together in t he mind. T h is new inrejrration of k nowledge has a peculia r effect , beca use I begi n to realize that the ini ti al maxims of p iece value are far from ironclad . The pieces g mJ ually lose abs ol ute ide mi ry. I lea rn that rooks and b ishops work more effi cient ly rogerhe r t han rooks and knig hrs, but {lueens and kn ig hts (end to have an edg e over queens and bis hops. Each piece's powt r is p urel y relational, de pe nding u pon such variables as pawn structure and surround ing forces. So now when you look at a k nig ht , yo u see ItSporenrial in the context of t he bis hop a few squares away. Over ti me each chess pri nciple loses rig idi ty, and you get bern-e and better at reading the subde signs of qualitative relativ ity. Soo n enough, leam mg become'S un learn ing. T he stronger chess p layer is often t he on e who IS less attached to a dog mat ic in terp retat ion of the principles. "Ib is leads to a whole new layer of p rinciples-those that co nsist of t he exceptions to t he initial princ iples. o f course t he next ste p is for t hose co unterint uitive signs to become internalized just as the initial move-

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menrs of the pieces were. T he network of my c hess knowlNg~ now involves principles, pat terns, and chun ks of information, accessed t hro ug h a whole new set of navigati onal p rincip les, purrems, and ch unks of in formacion, wh ich are soo n follow ed by anorbcr set of principles and chu nks designed ro assist in the interpretation of t he last. Learni ng chess ar this level becomes sitti ng w ith paradox, bt-ing at peace with and navigating the tens ion of compe t ing rruch s, kn ing}o;o of any notion of solid it y. T h is is where t hi ngs get interesting. W e are at the moment when psyc holog y beg ins [Q t ransce nd rechr uque. Everyone at a h igh level has a h uge amount of chess und erstanding , and much of what sep arates t he gl"C"J.t from t he very good is deep prt'S~nce , relaxation uf t he conscious mi nd, wh ich allows the un conscious to Aow u nhindered. T h is is a nuanced and largely mis understood state of mi nd rhar when refined involves a subtle reinteg rat ion of [he conscious mi nd into a free-flowing unco nscious process. T he idea is [Q shift t he primary role from t he co nscio us to the unconsc ious without h lissing out and losing rhe p recision th e consciou s call provide. For a physical analogy, consider your vision. Lee's allow the co nsciou s rrund to be represented b y your are-a of visual focus , and your un conscious to be your pe ripheral vision . Chances are you are sitti ng d ow n reading t h is book. W hat you see is the book. Now if you relax your eyes and allow your perip heral vision to take over, you r visual awareness will take in much more , you can see th mgs t hat are well ofl to the side. Now, t he next s t~ p is to refocus on the book, wh ile ma mra mi ng a p er iph eral awareness. Th is is a ski ll that some martial anises cul nvare for sit uat ions with multiple opponents or other such unpredic table oc ca sions. In a relaxed

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enough Sl ate o f rnmd, you can 100m in 0 11 somet hing in from of you wit h great precision while rnnintaining a very sharp awareness of your sur round ings. Along these lines, chess players must let t he unconscious flow while t he conscious leads and follows, sorti ng out detail." p un ing t hings in order, making prec ise mat hematical calcu lations. Most people wou ld be surprised to discover t hat if you compare t he t houg ht process of a Grand rnasrer ro t har of an expert (a much weaker, b ut quite compete nt chess playe r), you will often find that the Gra nd master consciously loo ks at less, not mo re. T hat said, t he ch un ks of informacion that have been put together in his mind allow him to see muc h more wit h much less conscious th oug ht. So he is looking at very lurk- and seeing q uite a lot. T his is t he critical idea. * N ow, thi nk of me,J osh, compet ing aga inst a less refined mart ial arti st. Let's say I am in t he process of instigating a t hro w t hat involves six rech nical steps. M}' opponent will experience an indecipherable fl urry of action, wh ile for me the six external steps of the t hrow are just t he outer rim of a

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• A t,,,hnical ~," m pl~ of h",. this mi!,ht f"nnion in eh"s! is for ~ pl"F' tu nmsid~r a pair of OPI""i,,!, bishops on a sen"_op"n d".. ,b..."rd, There is a hu!'e a"",,"" of informatIon which is (llI\d."n~ntal '" d,,,i p)\< rin" th~ dynam Irs o( ,h"", tWIt bishops----,ha, IS, <''''''11 !"'wn st,,,nut<', 'urroundin" pi,,-..",, I"""n,ia l ".d..s, ",,,,ible ""nsi,i,." l
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huge net wo rk of ch unks. O ur realiti es are very diffe rent. am "seein g" m uch more t han he is seeing. Co nsider one of my favorite judo techn iq ues, a variat ion of a sacrifice throw-c-or s/(/fl/l i - U WZd. I am facing m y oppone nt. My left hand holds his right wrist or sleeve and m y rig h t ha nd hold s his collar. The rechnique involves the following steps: 1) I ge ntly p ush forward wi th m y tigh t hand on h is chest , CaUSl11g a reacti ve push b-u:k follow mg the momentum of h is push , 2) I sim ultaneo usly p ull h is rig ht arm forward and across h is body, slip m y left foor in front of h is rig ht foot, pull do wn with my rig ht hand on h is lapel, and sit back while sp in ni ng a b it to my left, .) H is rig h t foot is blocked so he has to fa ll fo rward, which actua lly fee ls okay to h im beca use he wi ll apparent ly land un lOp of me. As he Starts to fall forwa rd, howeve r, m}' rig h t foot slips between his legs. 4) As he falls on top of me, I pu ll h is nghr arm in toward me and k ick lip against his left inner t hig h with m y right foot, fl ipping him over. 5) I roll, following his fall, and end up on top of h im . 6) In t he trans ition at t he end of th is tech niq ue. I take h is head in wh at is k now n as a scarf hold , and trap h is rig h t arm in a submission lock . T he fi rst rime som eone has th is rat her co uorerim ui rive t hro w {lone to t he m, it W Ill all be a b lur---Qne fast ver ng rnnus experience of being flipped onto the floor and landed on. I speak from experience. I fi rst saw t he t hrow when my dose frie nd Ahmed sp rung it on me in traini ng a few years ago. Ahmed is a six-foot-two, 20 0-pound powerhouse whose martial inscincts emerge from a very d ifferent p lace t han mint'. li t' is a nea r O lym p ic-caliber sprinter, a professional {lancer and m usicia n, an d a lifet ime marcia! art ist, wh ich involves an u nd efeated. Muay T hai full-contact k ick bo xing record (1 5-0) and treme ndous j eet Ku n Do an d kara te

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traini ng . I was pret ty skilled in Tai C hi C huen (had recen tly won b ronze in t he World Ch am p ionsh ips), had some judo experience, and at t his ti me , Ahmed and l were both a lit tle over a year in to ou r st ud y of the g rappli ng art Brazilian j iu Jitsu wi th the m ind -b low ing martial artist and teacher J ohn Machado . Because of ou t d ifferent backgrounds, training with Ahmed often led to creative eruptions. When such knowledge gaps eosc. much of the battle involves surv iving the unexpected and bringing t he game into a place where the neura l pat hways arc carved . O ther t imes, it 's like ru nning a ga untlet. Whe n the transit ion from t he familiar to the foreign takes place, it fecls like the m ind is Aying downhi ll over fresh snow and sudde nly h it s a patc h of thick mud. As an obvious rule, it is good to be the one fly ing dow nhill wh ile your opponen t is In the mud , Ahm ed and I were in the swirl offree-rraining , moving £lSt. I was on m y feer, then I was head nver heels and on my back before my brai n knew what to make of the situation. I hadn't been bli nds ided like this in quire some time. I immediately asked Ahmc-J to break down the throw for me and soon enough I 5:IW that the blur involved five or six steps, the foundation of which was a Brazilian J iu J itsu SWlXp I had not really understood. J dec ided that this was a throw I wanted to cultivate at a very high level. I fig ured that if it could catch me, it would catc h other people. So I started practicing . First I worked on each step slowly, over and over, refining my timing and precision. T hen I p ut rhc whole thi ng together, rqx'aEing the movements hundreds, eventually thousands of times. 'I od ay, t his t hrow is my bread and b utter. In time, each step of the technique has expanded in m ~' r nmd in more and more detail. T he slightest variations in the way my opponent respo nds to my first push will lcad to nu merous options in

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t he way I wi ll tri gg er I1H O t he t hrow. "'fy p ull on his r ig ht wrist will involve t wenty or rhirry subtle details wirh wh ich I will wry m y act ion based o n h is nuanced m icroresponses. As I si r back on t he grou nd a nd trip his rig h t foot, m y percep t io n of t he moment mi gh t involve thirt y or fort}· vananons. Recall t hat initially I experi enced t he whole throw as a blur, too fast to decipher. and now we are tal king about a riny port ion of rhe throw involving ma ny distinct mome nts. \X'hen it felt like a b lu r, my conscious mi nd was trying ro m ake sense of unfam iliar terrain. N ow m y unconscious navig ates a hug e ncr work of sub rly programmed technical information , and my con scious mind is free to focus on ccrrain essential de rail s that , because of the ir simplic ity, I can see wit h tremendous precision , as if th e b lin k in my opponenc's eyes takes man y seconds. T he ke y to t his process is und erstand ing that t he conscious mi nd , for all it s magni ficence, can only take in and work wit h a certain lim ited amount of in formacion in a un it of ti me-c-c nvision t har capacity as one pag e on you r computer scree n. If it is p resented wi th a large amount of information, then t he font will have to be very small io order to fit it all on the p age. You wi ll nor be ab le to see the de tails of t he let ters. Bur if that same t(K)1 (rhe conscious mind) is used for a much smaller aruounr of inform at ion in t he same amount of ri me , t hen we (all see every dera il of each letter. Now t ime feels slowed down. Anot her way of underst and ing this differe nce In percep rion is with the analogy of a camera" \X'it h practice I am

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*T he h, illiant n('",ol "~;,, O liv," S" 'k, ha, '·xr l" .....1 ,he i ma~'·ry of , h,,"e, , pee
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maki ng net works of chunks and paving more and mo re neural pathways, which efflXtivdy rakes huge piles of dara and throws it over to my high-speed processor-the unconscious. Now m y conscious m ind , focusing on less, S!tf:IIIS to rev up its shu rrrr speed from, say, four fmmt'S pe r second co 300 or 400 frames pe r second. T he key is to unde rstand thar my trained mind is no r necessarily wo rk i ng muc h faster than an untrained mi n(I-lt is simply wor k ing more effecnvely, which means tha t my conscious m ind has less to dea l with. Expe rientially, because I am I(Klking at less, t here arc, wi thin rhe same un it ofrime, hundreds of frames ill my mind, and maybe on ly a few for my op ponent (w hos e conscious mind is bogged down wit h m uch more data that has nor yet been internalized as unconsciously accessible). I can nuw uperate in all those fram es that he does n't even see. T h is is why profoundly refined ma rtial anists can somerimes appear mystical to less skilled pracrinoners-c-rhey have trained t hemselves to perceive and operate with in segments o f time r ha r ate roo small ro be perce ived b y un trained min ds. Now, ret urning to rhe scene t hat initially inspired this movement of t houg ht in m y life-does this type of t rained e nhanced perception I've bee n discussing come from t he same place as t huse wild moments in li fe whe n time slows dow n in the m iddle of a car crash or, in my case, w hen my hand shattered in t he ri n!: ~ The answer is yes and no. T he simi larity is rhar a hfc-or-dcarh scenario kicks the human mind into a very na rrow area of focus. Ti me feels slowed down because we insrmcnvely zero in on a riny amoun t of crit ical information rhac our processor can then break down as if it is in a huge fom . T he trained version of th is state of mind vharcs rha r t iny area of conscious focus. T he difference

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is that, in ou r disciplines of choice, we cult ivate th is expertence by convertinj; all the o ther surrou nd in.c: informa rion into unconsciously in reg raeed data msread of ignorin g it , T here is a reason t he hu man mi nd rarely goes into t hat wild place of heightened pe rception: if an u nt rained fighr er were ro focus all his energy on h is opponent's breath panern or blin ki n;.; eye, he would get punched in t he fate or thrown o n t he g rollnl!. I f when ever I crossed N ew York 's 33 rd Sneer and Sixth Avenue, r zoned in on some random car that wasn't about ro hit me, and I saw ir passing in slow mo ri on, rhen rbere is a good chance that one of these days I'd get hit by another car. I n mos t viruations, we need to be aware of wha r is happcr ung around us, and our p rocessor is buil t to hand le rh is responsibility. O n t he o ther hand, armed wirh an undersranding of how int ui ti on operates, we can tram ou rselves ro have remarkably pot ent percep tual and p hysical abilit ies in our dis(i plines of foc us. T he key, of course, is pracnce.

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Early em in my study of the philosophicalfoundation of Tai Chi, wh ile scouring t hroug h a hook ofold ad ages called rbe Tai Chi elwin. I came upon a passage that imr i}; uoo me. In the t x rh centu ry \Xlang Tsu ng-yueh described h is p ractice by wnc ing;

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If rhe op ponent's move men t is q u ick , (hen q uic kly respond; if his movem ent is slow, t hen follow slow ly. T hen (he 19 t h century sage W u Yu -hsia ng built on Ts un g - yue h's words wit h a typ icall y absrracr C h i nese inst ruc tional conundr um: I f the opponent d oes nor move, then I do not move. At the oppo nent 's slightest move, I move first , T he fi rst stanza is rather straigh rforwa rd . It is about listenmg , being sens irive to the adversary's slig hresr tremb le, 1<9

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three o'clock, we went to battle, T his type of envrronrnent was a horbed of psychological maneuvering. Ic was d uring these years t hat I began to draw the parallels between people's life tendencies and t heir cbessic d ispositions. G reat players arc all, by defi nition, very clever about what t hey show over the chessboard, b ut, in life's more m undane moments, even [he most cu nn ing chess psychologists can reveal certain essential nuances of characte r. If, over d in ner, a Grand master tastes something birree and faintly wrin kles his nose, there migh t be an in kling of a [el l lurking . Im pat ience while standing o n li ne at the buffet mig h t betray a p roble m sitting wit h tension. It's amaz ing how m uch you can IC"J. rn abou t someo ne whe n t hey get caught in the rain! Some will ru n wit h their hand s over their heads, ot hers Will sm ile and take a
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scrong , agg ressive. T he idea is to stay on your feet and wi th in the ring. In th is ma rch up I'm nor g oing to win with force. It's t he rnenra l side of the game t hat will be crit ical. T he march begins wi rh o ur right wrists crossed . I ap ply light pressure o n h i, wns c, and he pushes back. T he mood is

sec As the play begins we circle one anot her. I pro be him wit h feints, and eac h t ime he comes bac k at me wir h a counter attack. We go in to the cl inch, borh of us having ou r rig ht arm s wrapped u ndern eath t he nppnne nr's left arm p it, bo th wit h our righ t leg s forward . I pu lse tw ice w ith m y right shou lder and each time he meets my p ulse wirh resistance. I break our of t he clinc h . I' m ba,king up . \X'e p laya htr lc more, ar a d istance, A few ti mes I p ush into his midsccrion, and he ron fidenr ly holds his g round . T hen I create an ope ning , allowi ng h im to close distance and p u ll me back im o the cl inch . O n the entry J p ulse again with my rig ht shoulder, t his t im e very subtly, and immediarel y t rigger into ,I t hrow whe re I em pty our my rig hr side and torque him in ro the hole . I Ie hi ts t he g round hard and is confused . W h ar happened? T his is an overs tated exam p le of me ntal prog ram m ing . Wh at I d id here is obse rve a nd p ro vo ke a pa r te r n of act ion /react io n in my opponen t. I ll,' was much b igge r t han me, so probably entered the marchup wa nt in;; to impose his power. I bega n by barely pressing against his w r js r in t he srurring posi ti on . Here he co uld have JUSt neutral ized my p ressu re, let ir go, bu r ins read he held his grou nd , pus hed hac k . [ have engaged h is ego . H e is already sec up . N ext I went into th e clinch wit h the bi;; guy and pus hed tw in ' wit hou t an y am b it ion to move h im. I just wan ted to mo re deeply insp ire our rhyt hm of dance. H e 's big, I'm sma ll. Wh en I push , he pushes back. If you thi nk about whar th is

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means, In t hat second in whi ch he is respon di ng to m y sho uld er probe w it h cou nrerforce , I am suppo rt ing some of h is weigh t , I'm becoming one of his legs. W hen l b acked out ot rhe cli nch that fi rst t ime, he fel t very good- he's g aini ng grou nd, I'm unhappy-e-sc he th inks. I cr mrinuc to inspire his p ush- back mentality for a few m ore moments and t hen I re t urn ro t he clinch . T h is t ime, my shou lder p u lse is vtry sub tle . I ll' does not have ro make a decision to p ush back , it just h ap pens reflexively, b ut now im med iatel y afrer m y p ulse, and actually jusr before h is rt spome beg ins, I trigg er into a t hrow t hat is ent irely based on h is approac hing, p rogra m med reaction . I empty our my righ t side, wh ich has rhc cffccr of removmg rhc leg he is just srarti ng to lean on , and I add to his sliv er of moment um with a condensed , pottllt technique. H e h its t he floor in a b lu r. W henever these types of mome nts happe n in the martial arts, it feels a littl e magical. H e experie nces sta nd in g and then fall ing into a black hole beca use our final exchange was all very subtle and perhaps invisible to h is co nscious mind. In actual m art ia l p lay, t hese types of exchan ges arc much m ote refi ned . Im agi ne the condensing p tocess of ,"'lakinK Smaller Cirdes applied to rhe observation and p rog ramm ing side of this inreraccion. W hat can really happen is t hat our wrists mee t and I apply the ci niesr am ount of pressure con ceivable. My oppone nt ho lds hi s g ro und wi thout hi., con scious m ind even reali zin g t hat he has responded . H e is already set up to be t hrow n w ith a one - t wo co mb inar ion because his reac tion to t he mit is already predictabl e. I w ill m ove before his nco. Taking [hi s one sttp fu rrher, if my first move ment is conde nsed enoug h, It w ill hardly manifes t physically at all . My rwo appears to be a one. A t the OPPOllelll S .diKhteJ( more. I nJlif)f fint.

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* * * Consider one of rhe more interesring and Psychologically subde card Hicks performed by highly evolved illusiooists. A magi cian is nnsrage and asks an aud renee member to ' . lOin him . When the volunteer (a genuinely unplanted middl. _ aged man who seems ro be enjoying th e show) apptoaches, the performer holds his arrent ion fo r a few mom.nts whil. he handles the cards. T hen the illusionisr lays the fifty-two cards (a real deck) on a table and asks th e man to think about a card. Visualize it . The mag ician then shuffles the cards, lays the deck on the table, and asks the voluotterto fl ip the lOp card. It is the envisioned card. What happeoed here? Did th e mag ician really read the man's mind and then miraculously separate that card from the other fiftyone ' Of course nor. Th is particular illusion is very much in line with the controlling of intention rhat a martial artist might employ. The key is the subtle manipulation of the volunteer's conscious and unconscious minds. It all happens before the "magic" begins. As the two men stand before one another, in conversation. the illusionist engages the volunteer. This

interaction is dictated by the magi cian . Th e volunteer is answering questions, following , trying to look good onsrageIn the midst of all this, and in a blur that no one in the audience notices, the illusionist flashes a card . This is the sleight of hand. The critical point is that the volunteer must unconsciously notice the card without the observa tion registering in his conscious mind . He is engaged in the banter of the illusionist, and then suddenly has a seed planted in hIS . has aIread·1 rrn.nd. When asked to envision a card , that choice been made fo r him. Mani pul ating the card throughout the 156

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sh uffl e so it remains at the top of t he deck is ch ild 's p lay for a halfway-decen t sleig ht of ha nd artis r. The su btlety of this deception is t hat if t he performer fails to full y engage t he man's conscious mind , t hen t he clever volunteer will realize he 's being p mg ram med and decide [0 choose anot her cardthe tri ck won't work.

• • • If a pattern of interaction is recognizable to t he adversary, the n me ntal cond it ioning will not be terribl y effccr ivc. In t he Push H ands scene I d escri bed above, had my oppo nent rec ogni zed t hat his eg o was being man ip ulated, he cou ld have thwarted my plan. My feigned un happi ness and backing up made him feel powerful, co nfid ent , so he was not on th e lookout fo r being set up. T h is allowed a senes of sub tle cond itioni ng exchanges, which finally eru p ted into a throw. If I had rea lly shoved the g uy, he surely would have recognized wh at J was do ing, I had to operate beneath his radar. T h is is where Making Smaller Circles and Slowmg DOIl-1l Tillie come into p lay. W hen work ing wit h high ly skilled and mentall y toug h opponems , the p sychological ga me gets increasingly subtl e. The battle becom es abou t read i ng b reat h patt ern s and b lin ks of t he eye, p laying in fram es [he opponent is unaware of, invisible tech nical rnani pulat jon t hat slow ly CtC"J.tc'S response patterns. Iff understand a seri es of m ovements m ot e d eepl y, in m ore fram es, wi t h more d etail, t hen I can manip ulate my oppo nen t 's intent ion with ou t him feJ.l izlIlg what happen ed. I Iere is an example of how [his migh t be done. Srand up with your feet shoulder-widr h apart , Pur your weig ht in your left leg . Now, imag ine somebody is st and ing on you r left side and pushes into your body and lip through your Ide arm

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wit h a lot of force. How are you gomg (0 keep your balancer Well, you have to lift up )'our right leg, go with the momentu m, and t hen replant your rig ht foot a couple feet away and land-as if you jumped sideways-a-no problem. Now pur all your we ight in your right lcg, again, fccr shoulder-wid th apart. If someone were to p ush you from yo ur left shoulder, you wuuld have a m uch big,ger proble-m beca use your tig ht leg is stuck to the g ro und . A funda mental principle of maintaini ng balance while moving fast (for exam ple wh ile neucralizing a martial artist's t hrow or exp losive p ush) is that your feet should never CtoSS. Now when you go airborne, your left foor has to ma kc the long journey past r our rig h t if you are goi ng to have any chance of stayi ng u p. Yo u'll be all [fUSsN. up and probably crash into rhe ground. This is a sim ple idea wi t h huge imphcar jonv . M uch of the Push I lands game takes p lace with the two playe rs connected up top. H ands and arms are subtly probing for tensio n. If I p ush inro an opponent, he will ei t her resist my force or emp ty our rhe urracked part of h is body, dodge the blow, and let the aggressio n pass by. In either case, t here will be a subtle shift in weig ht. T his is a cri tical moment. In t hat bl ur durin}; which someone switches weigh t from one foot (0 another, t he receiving leg IS momentarily sruck. It canno t move . At a high level, arhleres have d eveloped very powerful throws. If SOrn['(lOC is sligluly off balance or unable to move freely with incom ing force, he will not be able to catch up bcforc he is hurtli ng toward t he ground . If I trigger a t h row toward sorneone's ti g ht foot at rhe precise moment that h is rig hr foor is settling onto t he g round, then my opponent will not he ab le to correct hu n self. H is footwork will ge t all twisted up. This idea is far from unique to chc martial arts. If a ten nis player has some-

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one lean ing left and hits the bal l just om of reach to t he righ t, the opponent will appear f lar footed and paralyzed. If an Nfl. runni ng back, NBA ba ll hand ler, or World Cup soccer player can get t he defender ro pur weigh t in t he wrong p lace at the wrong rim e, the n he can blow o n by and leave the g uy tr ipping OWt himse lf. In vinually every competitive physical discipline, if you are a mas ter of read in}; and manipu lating footwork, then you are a force to he reckoned with. So le t 's build a game a rou nd t he simple p rinciple of weight red istribution. T here arc two inn-r rwincd ,ompo nenrs to t h is process. T he first is condensed techn iq ue . T he second is enhanced perception. O ur g oal is ro rake advantage of the mome nt our oppone nt is swi rch mg his weight from one loot to another, There are many weaknesses or tells rhu r may be used to approach this goal-hreath pat terns, physical tension , in ferior recbnica l understandmg, complacency, emotion, dist ractio n , an d an array of othe r un con scious, predictable habi ts can all be homed in on or combined for the desired effecr. For sim plicity's sake, let's foc us on the eyes . Specifically the bli nk. First ofall, most people blink without knowing it, so they probably won' t consider it a weakness that may be exploited in competition. Even for top competitors, t here is not muc h ofa sense of danger associared with the blink-it happe ns so quic k ly, everyt hing I<-d ., safe. But it isn't. There is a small change in awareness that accompanies the fl ash of eyes, and a hig hly ski lkxl p layer (an t rain himsclfro exploit it. T his is where r he rnerhodol ogy of S'~lI'ing Dou-n Time comes into p lay. If, throug h incre me ntal t rain ing as descr ibed earlier in the book, your u nconsci ous lln
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ge nce to ha nd le the tech nical com ponents of your moment , (hen your conscious mi nd can zoom in on very small amounts of data- in t his case, t he eyes. Because our m inds are so complex, if you g ive us a small amount of material (0 work with, and we d o it wi th g reat inrcnsity, t hen we can break it d ow n into m icroscopic d erail . If our conscious mind is p urely focused un the eyes, they will seem ro take a wh ile (() blink. We see t hem heginning (0 close, closed , stareing (0 open, and then open again. T hat 's all we need , SO 1e ( 'S say I am doing Push H and s wi t h a very sk illed op ponent . I' m in t he zone, feeling his weight, h is patterns of mo vement, his eyes, H e has certain rcllv. Befo re a blink, may be h is check twitc hes. Maybe a (Ouch of moisture forms around h is pupil. O r maybe his eyes d ose a t iny bi t, t hen reopen, the n hi ink. All this IS subtle, hu r I am tapped in. Roth ofour right legs are forward and we are moving around (he ring . In P ush I land s you need til hold plUr ,l;tIlund to Star in t he ring. Somet imes you have to root offrhe rear leg b ur you d on't want to spend roo much ti me w ith you r weight sh ifred hack since that gives you nowhe re to go: t here 's not m uch give in your scruc rure. Ski lled players have in ternalized t his reality, b ut their t raining can be used against them . We a re fl owing. T hen, 011 his bl ink, or just before it be};ins, I puis!' into a one-two combination, left , rig h t, into his bod y, My moveme nts arc very sm all; I don't pur m uch force into the m. Very litt le seems to be happeni ng . But my rig ht PUtS hi m into h is hack leg, just barely taki ng t he weig hr off his front leg , W hen I release the p ressure from my right hand , in (he middle of his bli nk, when his presence is slightly alte red, his bod y instl llcti vely settles hack toward his forward leg. In rhar instant , I n ig ger into a throw which co mbines the faet th at he IS movmg forwa rd, providi ng

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momentum, and for a microsecond anchoring his forwar() leg to the floor, If I am };ood, all this can happe n before he has finished bli nking. He goes flyin g onto the ground and comes up contused. T ime and again I have used th is t YlX' of straregy in competition, and afterward opponents have come over to me and im plied that I d id something m ystical. T hey were standing and t hen on the ground, and they did n't feel or see anything occu r in-bet ween. O f course the re is no thing m yst ical happen ing, just the interplay of some interest ing psycho logical, rechnicul, and learning princi ples. I read his incen non to bli nk and then controlled his intention by d eterm ining when he wou ld u nconsciously place his weigh r into hIS forward leg . If I did this we ll, my rncveme nrs-c--rhe one-two combination-should barely have been visible , T he}' served the lone p urpose o f manipu lating weig hr disr nbudon. I sho uld point out t hat t he spe6fic exam ple of u, ing a blink is JUSt one of many options, and it Gin be neutralized. W hen preparing for the 200 4 World C ham pionsh ips, my main trai ni ng pa rtner was my dear friend Daniel Ca ulfield. Dan is a phenomenal marrial artis t who placed second in the world in his weig ht d ivision. H e's a fierce competitor, dee ply percepti ve, WIt h a philosopher's soul tha t ;; ives his martial sryle a uni que resonance. Dur in}; our training for the Worlds, Dan and I squared olT on the ma t every nig ht with the intensity o f roumamenr opponents . It was strange going to war with each other after so many years of friend shIp. We knew each other's ga mes inrsmarely-cthere were no technical secrers-c-so our bar rles were Iar};e1 y of t he mind . In the final three months of preparatio n, we made the risky ag reement co each be respo nsible for his own safcty, whic h liberated us to playas we would in t he

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champ ionsh ips. T here was no holdi ng back . If one of us was slig bcly on~ he got annihilated and had co Slew in hi s ju ices unt il the next session. If one of us dereceed a (ell or weak ness in t he ot her, he we nr after it relendess lv unci I a de fensive ad jusrmenr was made. W e weren 't just com pet ing in rhc ring, we were hon ing our abilit ies to read and mask the subrlesr signs on the fir Dan IS a b rilliant g uy with tremendously exp losive power and razo r-sharp technique. H e knew even m )' t in iest hab its. Every exhalat ion was dang erous. If my presence diminis hed for a fraction of a second , I was on the floor. The ai r felt electric during these sessio ns. We ta ped our trai ni ng and every week I broke dow n the v ideo . Depc nd lllg on th e day, on e or both of us seemed to be operating in a d iffere nr dimensio n. Time feh slowed down or sped up . A coup le of rim es w hen D an was reall y on, I bli nked and by the ti me my eyes were open , I was in m idai r, flying out of t he ring . This was m y secret! N o one had ever tu rned. it on me before. An adjustment was called for, and I got into the habit of taki ng a t iny step back or p ulsi ng in to Dan o n my b links, creati ng a lit de space so he could n 't fire in on me. A few t im es when I was reall y flowing, I used Dan 's awareness of m r eye pan em s aga inst him , bli nking to pull him into an overextension. Ill' quickly caug h t on to m y ruse and our psychology continued (0 evolve . If bo t h p layer<; are aware of a te ll , then ir w ill be neurralized, mad e ineffective , and ot hers w ill h ave to be u ncarrhed and exp lo iwd . The game goes on . T h is rype of ps ychological warfa re is at t he cente r of nearly all high-level com pet it ive d isciplines-c-and I mean ffJIll/klilil'f: III the loosest sense imaginahle. f or exam ple , t he car salesman and potential buyer are 0pJ!'m m IJ. \V hen rwo high ly t rained m inds square off in any field, the players are

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in a fig ht to enter each other's head s. T hese exc ha nges feel like epic tennis rallies in which rhe t ilt of bank sways back and forth ,1S one p layer p icks up on a faint te ll that mayor m ay not exist long enough (0 be exploited, and the other has to feci the Janger, and swat t he rival out of h is m iod before it is tOO late. \V hilt refi ned mental com peti tors can have exte nded dialogues of r his nature, in rny obse rvatio n most people are relarively unaware of their psycholog ical sub tle ties. T his makes for easy picki ng s for the astu te rival. So beware when squaring off with a well-versed negot iator, salesman, or lawye r! Un derstand tha t t he battle s tretches well beyon d t he traditiona l aren a. W hen one p laye r is more aware of t hese issues t han t he urher, condi riunin,l; is q uite simple. Quarterbacks Hick t heir eyes and send safenes flying all over t he foot ball field. Real estate mog uls fu rrow the ir brows, act impatient , check rbeir wa tches ro lull b uyers into nervous offers . A chess p layer observes a rhythm, then sits, lets his clock tick even thoug h a decision has already been reached, then finally makes h is move jusr as the opponen t pred ictably gets up ro g o to rhe bat hroom. W har now? Take a min ute, go to t he bathroom, come back. Control rhe pace of the game. Awareness of t hese d ynam ics can make you hard to m anipulate, and can allow you to t urn the tables on eve n t he savvies t of cond it ioners. To master these psychological barrles, ir is essential to understand thei r techn ical foundation . Contrary to the egoenfo rcing desc np rio ns of some "kung fu masters," t here is nothing mystical abou t controlling intention or e ntering the mind of t he opponent . T hese are sk ills to be cultiva ted like any other, and the last few chap ters have been my attem pt to lay our chc road map to their internalizati on .

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In Ocrobee 2005, I spent t wo weeks in t he A mazo n jungle, My father had to go to Brazil to research gold mining operations tor his bonk The OreaIIJ IHm.-h,mt, and there was nn way I was going to let my POP d isappear into the jungle without me. My budd )' Dan w ok the tti p wi th us because he'd always dreamed of t he Amazon . We spe nt m uch of t he tri p 250 kilometers south of Manaus , in an area called Tupana . where t he outer reaches of the TransAmaznnian H ig h way, the only connectio n to crvflizano n, dwi ndle from a pin ed t wo-lane ro ad into a dirt path, with the forest canopy dosing in from all sides unt il t he trees are overhead and eng ulf what rema ins of the clearing. Every ten or twenty milt'S, t iny vrllag es exist virtua lly untouched by (he modern world. In this rem ote part of Braail, rhere is a deep respec t for the thin line between life and dea th. T here art' no layers of protect jon such as the ones most of us are used to. No grocery stores, no hospitals, no ambulances o r policemen to buffet a bad moment . T here is t he sense among Arnazoruans that (he jung le sits po ised to devo ur the unwa ry. No one walks inro t he foresr alone. Most people carry weapons. T he dan};t't is too great .

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W h ile we lived in t he rainforest, a ma n named Manuel acted as our }o;uide. Man uel is a nat ive Amazo nian, born in Tupana, about fifty years old, powerfull y bui lt with shi ni ng b row n eyes and the jung le in his blood . H e led us th roug h t he den se foliage, q uietly I){)iming out mcxlicinal trees, an imal tracks, insects, monkey vines, rhe sig ns of rhe forest. From time ro t ime he would stop, raise a ha nd . M inutes passed. We stood silent and listened , the air alive with t he so u nd of ani mals feed ing or mov ing nearby. Manuel carr ied a shorg un. His friend Marcelo trailed us w it h another. Cats were always on the mi nd. T hroughout the tri p, Dan and I asked a lor of questions abou t the jaguar. Wa lk mg th rough t he forest a t n ig h t, we wanted to be p repared for an encounter. We were g iven spears, which made us feel better. Bu t over and over Manuel shook h is head and explained rhat if a jaguar reall y want s you, there will not be m uch figh t. It is rare for someone to speak of seeing a jaguar in tile forest. If you see one, it 's p rol» ably roo late. People traveling in g ro ups will, for the most parr, be left alone. from t ime to t ime, t he last person in a procession will be picked off from behind, but cat s generally avoid teams. They are stea lt h h unters. A lone rmveler will be mov ing through t he forest , and t he cat will be crouched on a li mb of an overhanging tree , blend in}; in ro t he forest canopy, listeni ng, waiting. T hen t he ambush em erg es from now here, and the cat is on you r neck. In Manuel's descript ions of the jaguar, th ere seem ed ro be an almos t religious respect for its power, cu nn ing, and lIltensity. But what If I have a machete ) H ow could I not have a chance? One eveni ng, lying in ha m moc ks above the forest floor, eng ulfed by deep blackness and the wild symp hony of n ight sou nd s, Manuel to ld us wha t happened to a friend of his a

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few years before. T his man was na med J ose. lie was born in rhe Amazon. H e k new rhe jungle's sounds, irs smells, irs signs. lie knew how to heal every conceivable ailme nt wit h saps and boiled barks of trees, roots, leaves. H e climbed vines like a monkey, hunted every ewning with a blowg un and dans laced wirh t he venom of poisonous frogs. J ose could uperate from sound and smell alone, frttzing in rhe dark forest, lisceniug, t hen shooting his d an Into the dusky woods and hirting his mark for his fami ly's di nner. H e was one of the rare ones who venrurcd into [he forest alone. O n t hese eveni ngs, he wore a mask on his head , eyes pointing backward so the cats would not ambus h h im from behind. H is only weapon was his small blowgun and a machete he apparently wielded like a samurai. One nig h t Jose was movi ng t hroug h the forest , dark ness closing in, on t he way home wirh a small capy bara strapped to his back. Suddenly his skin prickled. He stopped, lisrened , heard rhe deep rum ble of a car. H e smelled rhe animal, knew it was near. He fete for his blowgun, bur it had been a long n ig ht hunti ng and t here were no dans left. J ose was standing next to a giant Surnuumei ra tree, which are often USN by Amazonians for rornrn unica ti ng over long d istances in t he juogle. I m media tely, J ose too k his machete and swung it back and fort h in a bl ur, clanging agai nst t he tree's magnificen[ exposed eoor and .,ending a pounding call for help through the darkness. T hese vibrations can be heard over a mile away. Hopd"ull}· his son would be listening. Then Jose stood m silence, waiting. He smelled the cat. It was dose. A few moments late r a large black jaguar, onz« wgm. over two hundred pounds, glided d own from a tree twe nty feet ahead of him a nd st arred mov ing in. J ose remembered t he glowing yellow eyes, a, t houg h a demon

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were com ing for him . Ill' knew if he ran t he rae would be on him instantly. H e rossed his nig ht's catc h forward onto t he forest 1100r, t hen held his mac hete and st ood IlLS ground, movi ng his weapon rhyth m ically, preparing for the figh t of his li fe . T he ca t wa lked seraig hr coward him , and chen changed course about eigh t feec away. It st arted pac ing . Back and fonh, keepi ng distan ce , but never raki ng in eyes off J ose. It watc hed t he m achete, followed its move men ts . Ac fi rst, t he jagua r's pacing fel t g ood. J ose t houg h t t hat may be it was ind ecisive, considering t he d ead rodent. T he m inutes passed . Jose 's arm g or ti red from swaying. H e watched the ri ppli ng muscles of t he car's legs, imag ined t hem hu rling t he beast 0 11 top of h im. T here wou ld he on ly one chance. When the cat rarne, he would need to docl};e and st rike m a hlur. He wo uld have to get to the neck or take off a li m b and somehow ro ll away fro m the razor claws. It would a ll happe n in an insta nt. But rhe wai ti ng was eati ng him up inside. H is whole being was on edge, po ised for battle, explod ing, while the cat paced , lang uid, easy, yellow eyes g lowing, edging closer, now seve n feet away, nnw six feet. Afcer ten minutes t he tensi on was un bea rable. J ose was drenched in sweat, his rig h t arm shook from t he weig ht of t he machete. Ill' switched hands, fe lt t he weapon in his left, hoped rhe cat d id n' t notice the new awkward ness for a min ute or so wh ile he rec overed . l ie fclt d reamy, as if the cat weft' hypnot izing h im. Fear overwhelmed h im . T his man of t he iu ng lc was falli ng apa rt, After fifteen mi nutes, t he cat starred moving faste r, It edged in, coiled, watched t he machete move, then t urned hack co pac ing. Ir looked fo r ope nmgs, fele the t im ing of the we-apon. J ose was all strung out. H is nerves were frayed. T he yellow cyc"> were laking him over. H is body shook.J ose

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scarred sobbi ng. lie barked away from the cat, and rhis was a mis take . The jaguar moved in. Straig ht in. It showed its teeth , crouched to leap. Jose had no fig h t left. l ie gave himself up and there was a crack through the night. T hen shouting. T he cat turned. Anorbcr crack rang out and t hen two young men ran through the b ush screami ng. J ose's son cook aim wi th his g u n, but the (at vanished into the darkness, leaving a farbe r weepi ng on the jungle floor. Three yean; later, J ose sti ll hadn' t recovered from th is encounter. T he vi llagers say he went mad. H is spirit was broken. W hen J heard this story, suspended in the Amazonian nig ht, I was struck by how much I rel ated to bot h the predator and the p rey. I used to create chaos on the chessboard um il my opponents crumbled from t he p ressure. I loved the unk nown, the quest ions, and they wan ted answers. W hen t here were no answers, I was home and t hey were terrified . T he game was mine. Then my psychology got com plicated and the tables were rurned. In my early encounters wirh world -class G rand masters, I was usually beaten like J ose. T he chess posicion m ig ht he objecrivdy even, but as the tension on the board mou nted it felt as t hough a vise was slowly ci nching down on my head, t ig hter, t ig h ter, until I reached a burscing point and made som e small concess ion li ke ) OStt backi ng u p, a ti ny im precision tha t changed t he cha racte r of t he game, anyt hing to release the press ure on my brain . T hen they were all over me. Gra nd masrers know how to ma ke t he subtlesr cracks decisive. The only t hi ng co do was becom e imm une to t he pai n, embrace it, until I could wor k th roug h hours of mindnumbing com plexines as if I were takiog a lovely wal k in the park. The vise, after all, was only in my head. I spent years worki ng on chis issue, learn ing how to Ilidinfain the ten-

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H ow can I learn to enter the zone ar will, make ir a way of life r H ow can I maintain my focus under p ressure, Slay serene and p r inci pled un de r fi fe, ove rco me d istract ion' W hat do I do when my emo rio ns get our of cont rol: In Part I, I w id the story of my chess caree r predominantly wirhin rbe frJ mework of the lea rni ng process. Now 1\ 1like to briefly reexamine the arc of t hose years from the perspective of t he performance psycholog ist . Recall t hat as a young boy, sorne nrnes I became so d eeply immersed in a chess position that t he world seemed ro fall away. Noth ing existed h ur me and my jung le, Du ring these mo ments my mot he r says I seemed co become an old man, as if I k new th is game from another life , playing for hours wirh a focus so inte nse that she thought he r hand would burn if she placed it be tween m y eyes and the board. O t her days I would be disrracred, chew b ubble g u m, loo k around and smi le at spenarors in Wash ing ron Squa re Park. Ir was hir or m iss, and my POOf parents and coach had to sir and dea l wit h whichever J osh showed up t hat day. In rime, when I sta rted playi ng tournaments, I had rc be more consisreru and so I starred spe nding more etfore on con-

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cent ranon. I sat ac the board when I wanted to walk aro und. Wh~n my mood was flippant, I sucked it up and worked harde r. I W ,15 an intense romper nor, and have never been one (0 give up on a goal. As a fun ny aside, my ever-precocious sister started am using herse lf wirh t his never-quit aspect of my personality when she was rhree years old by giving me cocon uts to open on Bahamian beaches. I'd spend hours smashing away in the sun, refusing to give up un ril she was dri nkin;&; and mu nching away. In my scholastic chess lite I was almos t always able to put more ~nergy into the struggle t han m y opponents . If ir was a battle of wills, I won. W hen I started co mpeting in adult tourname nts, my am pcd-up energy and focus sometimes worked against me. If you recall the chap ter Tbe Sofr Zone, I began having problems wit h mUSICor other dis tractions r har g ot srur-k In my mind. Initially I tried to push t he world away from me, keep everything xilent, bur this just am plified the noise. A rando m song , whisperi ng spectators. dis ranr sirens , ticki ng chess docks, would take over my brain unt il chess became al most im possihle to play. Theo I had t he breakrhroujrh ro t hink rc the beat of t he song, embrace distractio n, and fi nd an inner ti>L US that could exist no mat ter what the external envr ronment. For years I t rained myself to deal WI t h IXI.<.I condirions , use them ro m y advantage. It turns out rhar the next movement of my life would put t his training to the {esc on a much larger scale. Whe n I was fifteen years old , SMrrhing ftr Bobby Fischer was released and my life went Hollywood . SIl
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mature, I might have been ab le [0 t ranslate m y yout hfu l experiences with m usic ro chis larger form of disrrac rion. Bur 1 was off-balance and once again resorted W using my will ro block everything our. Instead of rolli ng wit h t he new vibe of my life , I handled t he pressures by puning hugt, amou nts of enecgy in to each chess game . I recall t wo moments in pa rnc ular when I became a man possessed . O ne game was a cnrica l macchup In the U .S. J unior C ham pionsh ip ag ai nst t he };ifred Ro manian emi gre, G ra nd master Gabriel Schwart zman. T he other was in the U.S. Cham pionship in 1994 , when I sq uared off ag ainst my t rainer at the rime , G randmaster G reg or}' Kaidanov. In both games, rhc stakes we re hig h, both profeSSiona lly and emoti ona lly. I was all business, and m y intensity was a lirrle wild . Bot h fou r-hour su ugg les passed m a bfink. N ot hing else existed for me, Ac one point dur ing our rnatchup, wh ile I was staring lasers at t he boa rd , worki ng m y way t hro ug h the posi tion , Schwart zman walked over ro my father, who was in the audie nce, and told him t hat he had never seen me like t h is-he said my concentrat io n was so fierce ir was scary sitting across from me. Aga ins t Kaid anov, I felt like a riger in a cage, seet hing with raw energy. I won borh t hose games, and played some of my mos t inspired chess, b ut what is in reres ting is chat afterward I was p rofou nd ly depleted and in bo t h cases my rou rnamc n r im mediately fe ll apart. I blew m yselfour and had not hing left for the rest of t he compcririons. In shore, I was a mess. I hMI learned as a boy how to d eal with d isrracrion in a g iven moment , b ur the large r disrracnons of my l ife were ove rwhel mi ng me, In an isolated SItu ation , I could overcome the issues-c-I've always been able to bring it for rhc big game-c-bur rhe ki nd of rcckl,'s!; in tensity

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t his required sapped me, At a hig h level the chess world has many bi}; games and in long , grudin)l: ruurnarnenrs the y tend to follow one a nother, over and over, for da ys and weeks at a time . I k new how to block Out m y issues in a spri nr, b ut in marath o ns I ran out of g as. Consisten(}' became a critical problem . On days that I was insp ired, I was unstoppable. But other days I would play bad chess. T he t ime had come for me to learn t he science of long- term , henlrhy, sd f-sustuinin)l: peak perf ormance. In the fall of 1996 my farber read about the sports psychologist J im Loehr, who ran a performance trai ning center called LGE in O rland o, Flor ida. LG E (rrcen rly rena med t he Human Performance Institute) was fou nded by Loehr, t he esteemed spottS nut ritiunist j ac k G tup pd , and the nononsense physi cal t raine r Pat Etcheherry as an environment in which the physical and mental sides of the p ursuit of excellence con verged . By t he time I firs t went dow n to LGE in December of '96, it w,IS already hemming a mecca for athletes who wanted to hone t heir performa nce ski lls, professionalizc their nutri tiona l pattern s, work out sophiseicared everyday training routines [Q optim ize g rowt h, and balance pu blic and personal lives. World-class tennis pla yers, golfers, N Fl. and N BA stars, Olym pic achleres, top CEOs, FBI SWAT teams, basically any kind of elite performer could be found on a g iven day working out in the high-ter:h gym, meeting with sports psycholog ists. or charri ng wit h one anothe r about the simi larities of t he ir experiences. I'll never forger my firs t afternoo n in the l G E weight room. I was working with a {miner, having tests done on me to determine my exact level of fitness. I was usmg muscl es I never knew existed, pushing my physicalli mits far beyond what I would have known was safe or possible-and I loved

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my fi rst exposure to physical tr .. . rhls waa .. aln1ng at as 1[' I el of professIOnalism and sophisticatio Ih n as ad · h a ev . . hlgn COOd'tioOlOg my mind fo r so many yeats Th I I . ' ere was be< . 00 a high -tech staClonary bike sw' ' ·n[l og . eating up a spo h oked up to all SOrts of moni tors wh (Onll. 0 en a g uy , s __ 1 me on my back. I turned around to see J ' H !app-.' irn ars h irh a big xmile on hIS face . At the time J im h baug WI . . ' was t e erback for the Indianapolis Colts. Being a hu J art . ge ers star qu f.ln, I had not always rooted for J irn, but I had warched him C r years and adrnired hIS fi ery competitive spirit H play 10 . . . e •

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hadan arm like a cannon, was famous for last-mmute come-

backs, and was simply a fabu lous athlete. I was surprised whenJ im told me that he was also an avid chess player and had followed my career for a long time. We fell into a Conversation about the psycholog ical parallels of top-notch chess competi tion and quarterbacking in che NFL. I was amazed by how many of the same issues we wrestled with. I rhink that thi s conversat ion in the LGE gym was my fi rst real inkling of how universal the arts of learning and performance reallyare.

* * * The cwo intertwined issues I wanted to take on at LGE were consistency as a cornperiror and my complicated relationship to the baggage that had come with Sea rching for Bobby Fischer. W hen I fi rst went down to Orlando shortly after my twentieth bi rthday, I was still a pretry intuitive performer, operating from a natural mix of intensity, digested experience, and d rive. As I described above, when things gOt rocky, my habit was to h it the gas and blow my opponent and myself out of the water with wildly energetic focus. This was tlearly less than an ideal approach for the long term.

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T he main cramer that r worked wit h at t G F. was a deeply insightful Sports psychologisr named D ave Srricgd. Over the years, D ave and I developed a close relationship and freque ntl y spoke o n t he phone between m y tri ps ro O rlando. Although many val uable insig hts eme rged (rom our d ialogues, perha ps t he most explosive revel at ion emerged (rom an innocen t q uestion duri ng ou r first mee ting. I remember it cl earl y: aft er a few hours of co nve rsa ti o n In w hich I descr ibed m y life, my career, my c urrent issues, D ave sat back, scratched h is head , and asked me whether or not I believed t he q uality of a chessic tho ught process was hig her ifir was preceded by a period of relaxation. This simple quesnon led ro a revolu tio n in my approach to peak performance. l oot evening, after a long day of eye-opening sessions with Duveji m Loehr, and J ack G roppel, [ sat dow n WI t h my lapto p and ch ess notebooks and spent a few ho urs look ing over my p rev ious year of com pet it ions. During chess to um amencs, players nota te thei r ga mes as t hey g o alo ng. TIle chessboard is seen as a g rid , with vertica l ranks run ning a- h from left to rig h t, and th e horizontal fi les ru nn ing I -H , up from white's perspect ive. After each move, a chess player will write d own , for example, Bg 1 or Q hS, mea ni ng Bisho p mo ves to g4 or Q ueen moves ro h5. Usually notatio n is kept on a sheet wi t h a carbon copy beneath, which allows public and pri vate records of all chess ga mes to be saved. For a number of yeats, when not at ing m y games , I had also wri tten down how long I t hough t on each move. Th is had th e p u rpose of helping Ole manage m y time usage, bu t after m y firs t session with Dave, it also led ro the discove ry of a very interesting parrern. t ook ing back over my games, I saw that when I had been playing well , I had rwo- to t enminute, cris p t h in ks. ''(Then I was off m y game , I would

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' ~es faIl into a deep calculation that las t ed Over t SO·.. hi "I ong ( hiIn k" 0 ften led to wentv . eS and ( IS . mlout . an Inaccuracy . h is more, If I had a number ofIong thinks ' ' \"(/ ar . . In a row, the li ty of my deCISIOns tended to deteriorate qua l . . . Th e next morning , Striegel and Loehr told me abo U[ h ir concept of Stress and RecOl'ery. The physI'ol ' ( el . . ogisn at . . . . eth..

LGE had discovered that 10 virtually every discipline, one of the most teIl ing featu res of a dominant performer is the routi ne use of recovery periods, Players who are able to relax in briefmoments of inactivity are almost always the ones who end up coming t hro ugh when the game is on the line. This is wh y the eminent ten nis players of their day, such as Ivan Lendl and Pete Sarnpras, had those strangely predictable routines of serenely pick ing t heir rackets between points, whether th ey won or lost the last exchange, while their rivals fumed at a bad caIl or pumped a fist in excitement. Consider Tiger \'\foods, stroIli ng to his next shot, with a relaxed focus in his eyes, Remem ber Michael Jordan sitting on the bench, a towel on his shoulders, letti ng it all go for a two-m inut e break before coming back in the game' Jordan was completely serene on the bench even though the Bulls desperately needed h im on the court. He had the fastest recovery time of any at hlete I've ever seen, Jim Harbaugh told me abou t t he fi rst time he noticed this pattern in himself. He's a passionate g uy, and liked to root on his defense when they were on the fie ld , But after his fi rst sessions at LGE he noticed a clear i rnprovemenr in his play ifhe sat on the bench, relaxed , and did n't even watch the other team's offensive series, The more he could let things go,rl>e sha'lper he Was 10 ' the next drive. The notion that I d idn 't have to hold mysel in b ellS ' h concentration every second of. cIiess 179

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huge hberacion. The most immed iate change r made was my way of hand ling chess games when it was not my turn to move. I nstead of feel mg obliga red to stay completely focused on t he chess posit ion while my opponent thought, I began to let my mi nd release some of t he tensio n. I mig h t t hink about t he position in a mo te abstract way, or I mig ht even walk away from t he board and have a drink of water or wash my face , W hen my opponen t made his move, J wou ld return to the board with renewed ener,gy. Immedia tely I started noticing imp rovement in my play. In the com ing months, as I became mo re arr uned to t he qualitative tl uctuations of my t houg h t processes, I found t hat if a think of mille went over fourteen min utes, it would often become repetirive and imprecise. After noticing this pattern , I learned to morn tor t he effici ency of my d l inking . If It started to fa lter, I wo uld release every rhmg for a ruomcnt , recover, and t hen come back with a fresh slate. Now when faced wit h di fficult chess posi tions, I cou ld think fur t hirty or ferry min utes at a very hig h level, because my concentratio n was fueled by lirrlc breat hers. At H,E, t hey made a science of the gathering and release of intensity, and found tha t, regardless of the d isci pline, t he better we are at recoveri ng , the g reater poteunal we have to endure and perform under stress. T hat realization is a g ood starti ng point. Bur how d o we learn to let go) I r is much easier to tell someone to relax t han to act ually do ir on t he free-throw line in overt ime of t he N BA playoffs or in t he moments before making a career-de fining presentation. T his is where t he mind-body connection comes in. 111e physica l rondrtioners at LG E taught me to do cardiovascular interval trai ning on a stationary bike t hat had a heart moni tor. I would ride a bike h't'ping my RPM" over

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100, at a resistance level t hat made my heart rate go to 170 beats per minu te after ten m in utes of exertion. T hen I would lower the resistance level of t he bike and go easy for a m inu te- m y heart rare would ret urn ro 144 or so. T hen I wou ld sprint again, at a very h igh level nf n-sis rancu, and my heart rate wo uld teach 170 agai n after a min ute. N ext I wou ld go t"'dSy for another mi nute before sprinting again, and so on. My bod y and m ind were undulat ing between ha rd work and release. T he recovery time of m y heart got pr og ressively shorter as I cont inued to train t his way. As I go t into better condition, it rook more work to raise my heart rate, and less time to lower my heart rate duri ng rest; so on my TCS t intervals were only forty-five seconds and my sp erm times longer.

W bat is fascinat ing about this method of physical conditioning is that after just a few wee ks I not iced a ta ng ible drfference in my abili ty to relax and recover between arduous thought processes in a chess game. At LGE they had discovered that there is a clea r physiological connection when it comes to rccovcry-c-rard rovascular interval trai ning can have a p rofound effe« on you r abili ty to q uickly release tension and recover from mental exhaustion . W hat is more, physical fl ush ing and mental clari ty are very much in tert wined. T here was more than one occasion t hat I };O£ up from the board four or five hours into a hugel y tense chess game, walked oucs ide the playing hall , and sp rimed fifty yams or up six Aighrs of stairs. T hen I'd walk back, wash my face, and be comp letely renewed . 'Io this day, vi rtually every d em ent of m y physical t raining revolves arou nd one form or anothe r of stress and recovery. For example, d uri ng weig ht worko urs, the LG E g uys ta ug ht me ro p recisely moruror how m uch t im e I leave

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between sees, so t hat m y muscles have ample tr me to recover, bu t are still p ushed to improve their recovery time. When ! began t his form of inte rval rraini ng , if! was d oi ng 3 sets of 15 repetitions of a bench press , I would leave exactl y 45 seconds borwccn sets. If I was J o ing ., scrs of 12 repetitions with heavier weig hts, I would need 50 seconds between sets, if my sets were 10 reps I wuuld take 55 seconds, and if I was lift ing heavy weigbrs. at :" sets of 8 reps , I would rake one min ute between reps. T his is a ~(KKi baseli ne for a n average ar hlcte to work with. In time, with consisreur work, rest periods can be i ncrememally shorte ned even as muscles g row and are stressed to their larger healthy limits. O ve r the yeats ! have g otten better and bener at ret urning from mental and physical ex haustion. W hil e In my chess career the necessity of such intense body work may seem strange, in my martial arts life it is dear as day-c--rbe fighter who can recover in rhe thirty seconds between rounds and in tilt' irreg ular intervals between marches will have a huge advantage over t he g uy who is sti ll huffing and puffing , me ntally or physicall y, from the last battle. O n a mote dynamic level, in Tai Chi Chuan, real martial power springs fwm ebe explosion from em ptiness to fullness, or from t he so ft into the hard. So there are countless moments when I will release all n- nsion for a spli t second in t he mids t of a martial flurry. Ulrirnarely, with incremental tmi ning very much like what I described in t he chapter i\Jakmg SlIIallf r Cirda. recovery t ime can become nearly instantaneous. And once t he act of recovery is in our blood, we'll be able to access it u nder the most strained of circumscaoces, beco ming masrers of creating tiny havens for renewal , even where observers could not co nceive of such a break .

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• • • In your performance training , the first step to masteri ng t he zone is to p ractice t he ebb and flow of srress and recovery. T his shou ld invo lve in te rva l t rain ing as I have describl.-x1 above, at whateve r level ofd ifficulty is appropriate for the age and physical condir ioning of t he ind ivid ual. T hi s t raining could, ofcou rse, take man}' forms: I have a lready men tioned biki n}; and resistance work , b ur let's s.'1y you en joy swim ming laps in a pool. lnsr ead of jus t sw imming u nt il you are exhausted and t hen qui rring, p ush yourself to your healthy lim it , then recover fo r a min ute or two, and t hen pux h yoursel f ag ai n. C reare a r hyth m o f in tc rvals like the one I described with my biking. W ith pract ice , increase t he intensiry and du rarjon of your sp rint time , and gradua lly condense rest pe riod s- you are on your way! T h is Slime p attern can be used wi rh joggi ng , wt'ight lifti ng , ma rtial arts rrain ing , or p laying any span rhar involves cardiovascul ar work. If you are in reresred in really im p roving as a performer, I woul d suggest in(Orpo Ta t ing the rhythm of stress and recovery into all aspt'n s of yo ur li fe . Trut h be told , th is is what m y enti re approach ro learni ng is based on -e-break ing dow n the an ificial barriers be tween OUt div erse life experiences so all m oments become en riched by a sense of in rerconnecred ness. So, if you are read ing a book and lose focus, put t he book down , take some deep brearhs, and pick it u p again with a fres h eye, If you are ar work and fi nd yourself run nin g our of mental st ami na , rake a break, wash you r face, and come bal k renewed. l r wo uld be an excellent idea to spend a few m inutes a day doi ng some simple meditation pracnce in which you r m ind garhe rs and releases wit h the eb b and flow of your breath . This wi ll hel p connec t your p hys ical

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int er val training to the men tal arenas . If you e njoy the experie nce, ~rad ua ll y b uild up your mental stam ina and spend more t ime at it. W hen practiced p roperly, Tai Ch i Ch uan, Yog a, or m any for ms of sitting meditation can be exce llent vehicles for t his wor k . As we ge t better and bet ter at releasing tension and comin}; back with a fu ll tank of g as in o ur eve ryd ay act ivities, ho th physical and rnenra], we will gain confidence in ou r abi lities to move back and forth bet wee n cnncent rarinn, adrenaline fl ow, physica l exerti on (any kind of stress), and relaxat ion. I can't tell you how liberating it is to k now t hat rela xat ion is jus t a b li nk away from full awareness. Besid es adding to your psychological and physical resilie nce , rl'ns ope ns up some wonderful and surprising new possibilities. f or one rh iog , now t hat your consc ious mind is free 1O rake little b reaks, you 'll be delig h ted by t he su rges of creat ivity t hat w ill emerge o ur of your u nco nscious . You'll become more att u ned to yo u r int ui ti on and will slow ly become more and more true to yourself styl istically. T he unconscious m ind is a po werful rool, an d lea rni ng how to relax under pressu re is a key fi rst seep to capping into its porenrial. Inte rval work is a cri t ical bu i ldi n~ block to becomin~ a consistent long -term pe rformer. If you spend a few mont hs practicing stress and recovery in your everyday lire, you' ll lay th e p hysi ological fo u ndat ion for beco m i ng a resi lie n t, d ependable press ure p layer. T he next step is to create you r trigg er for the zone ,

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O ne of the big gest road blocks to releasi ng the tension d ur ing b reaks of intense com pe ririon or in an y other kind of challe ng ing env iron me nt is t he lear of whe t her we wi ll be able to gel tt hack . If getting focused is hit o r mi ss, how can we g ivl;' up our foc us once we've fi nally gor it! Cond icioning to rhis insecu nr y begins young. As ch ildren , we mi g ht he told to "conceur rare" by parents and reache rs, and rhen be reprimanded if we look off into the stars. So the child learns to associate nor focusing wirh bei ng "bad." T he resulr is rhar we conc enrtare wir h everyth ing we' ve go r until we ca n't withstan d t he pressure and have a meltdown. \'V' h de later on in m y career, I sorneti m es bl ew m yself out wit h intensity d urin}; a g am e, in m y early schola stic chess rournamenrs my d ad a nd I were very g ood ar p reserving my energy, Mosr of m y you ng rivals h ad coaches who treated tour r ram enrs like military Lam p. Teachers and pare nts woulJ make kids analyze t heir g am es ex tens ively berwee o ro unds , tryi ng {O wrin g a chess lesson ou t of every moment, wh ile I would be ours jde having a catch wit h my d ad or tak ing a nap. Maybe it is no accident (hat r tended to sur;;e at t he end of tcurnam erits. M y pop is a clever guy.

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T h is tendency of compet ito rs to exhaust t hemselves be tween munds of tourname nts is surprisin.c:ly widespread and very sel f-destructive , W henever I visit scholastic chess events today, I Stt coaches t rying to make themselves feel usefu l or showing nlf for parents by rea ching srude ms long tec h nical lessons immediately follow ing a two-hour game and an ho ur before the nexr round . Let the k id rest! Fueling up IS much more im portan t than last-mi nute cram mingand at a hig her level, t he abili ty to recover will be pivotal. In long chess tournaments that may last fo r over two weeks, one of rhe mos r dec isive factors is a competitor's ability ro slee p at night. Eve n the vrrongest Grandmas te rs need t heir energ y to come rhro ug h in t he horncstrc rch . In the martial arts wo rld, this t hem e is also cnrical . T he abihry to wait for ho urs on end without explod mg Wi t h tension or losing yo ur edge is ofeen whar separates the top fighters before they seep in the ring. Big tou rnament s involve

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a lor of downt im e between matches. Some fighters keep t hem selves in a scare of fever ish alertness, always po ised for acti on for fear t heir mome nt might come and they won't be ready. The more seasoned com pecirors relax, liste n to headphones, and nap. They don't bum throug h their ranks befilre steppi ng on the mats. T his p heno menon is no t un ique to the fields I have chosen. We don't live wirhi n a Hollywood screen play where rhc crescendo erupts JUSt whe n we want it to, and m ore often t han not t he climactic moments in our lives will follow many unclirnacric, normal, hu mdru m hours, days, weeks, or years. So ho w do we step up when our m om ent sudde nly arises ? My answer is to redefine the question. N or only do we haw to be good at wai ring, we have to love it . Bec ause wa iting is

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,,,ir ing , ir is life. Too many of us live without full not ' d " c y . g our min s, wamng ror that moment wh engag1n _ en our real . begi n. Years pass 10 boredom, but that is okay bee h"es . ause when our true lo\:e comes around. or we discoverourreal calle will begin . Of course the sad truth is that if iog. W I we are esenr to the moment, OU f true love could come a d r , . n go nor P ve would n t even nonce. And we will have beeorne and w ,omeone other than the yo« or I who wou ld be able to embrace it. I believe an appreciation for simplic ity, the everyday- t he abi lity to d ive deeply inca the banal and discover life's hidden richness- is where Success, let alone happiness, emerg es.

* * * Along these lines, when considering the issue of performance state. it is important to avoid focusing on those rare elimaeric momenrs of high-stakes competitive mayhem. If rou get inro a frenzy an ticipating the moment that will decide your destiny, rhen when it arrives you will be overwrought wit h excitemen t and tension. To have success in crunch t ime, you need to inregrate certain healrhy patterns into your day-to-day life so th at they are completely natural to you when the pressure is on. The real power of incremental growth comes to bear when we t ruly are like water, steadily carving sto ne. We JUSt keep on flowi ng when everything is on the line. In recent years I have given many talks on performance PSychology. At the beg inning of an event in Los Angeles a few years ago , I was approached by a top Smith Barney producer, call him D ennis , who said he was having trouble attessing a good performance state and often found himself dIStracted in impoeranr meeti ngs or under deadline. He 187

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asked m y adv ice abou t how to figu re ou t what his "ho t but ron' was. Den nis knew tha t some professional ath letes have routines that consistentl y p ut them in to a good frame of mind before competition. He JUSt couldn't find the rig h t rout ine, Nil matter how hard he tri ed to d iscover the pe rfect song, med itat ive tech niq ue, stretching exercise. or eati ng pattern, he JUS t couldn't make it work. Ideall y, De n nis said he would like to have a song t hat slipped him into the zone. \\lhar should he do! T his is a prob lem I have seen in many inconsis te nt performers. T hey are frusrrared and confused try ing to fin d an inspiri ng catalyst fo r peak performance, as if the perfect rnotivarional tool is hovering in t he cosmos wait ing for d isrevery, My method is to wurk backward and create rhe rrtgger. I asked Dennis w hen he fel t closest to serene focus In his life. lie t houg h t for a mome nt and told me it was when he played ca rc h with his t welve-year-old son, J ack. He fel l into a blissful state when tossing a baseball wit h his boy, and nothi ng else in t he wo rld seemed to exist. T hey played catch virtualI}' every day and j ack seemed to love it as m uch as his dad. Perfect . I have observed that virt ually all people have one or two activ it ies t hat move them in t his manner, bu t t hey usua lly dis miss rhem as "just taking a break. " If only t hey knew how valuable t heir b reaks could be! Let me emphasize t hat it does n't matt er what your serene activit y is. \\l hether you fed mos t relaxed and fow sexI while raking a barh, jogg ing, swimm ing , listeni ng to classica l mus ic, or singing in t he shower, any such activi ty can ta ke t he place of Den nis's catc h with his son. T he next step was to create a four- or five-step ro utine. Dennis had already ment ioned music, meditation , stretching,

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and eati ng . I suggested that an hour before t he next time he p layed carch wi th h is son, Dennis sho uld eat a ligh t snack. We dec ided on a b lended Iruir and soy shake that he enjoyed m ak ing in his ki tc hen. T hen he would go into a q uiet room and d o a fi frcen- min ur e brearhing exercise t hat he had learned a few years before. It was a simple medi tati ve techni q ue whe re he followed his breath. W hen he noriced h is m ind wa nderi ng, he just released the thoug ht like a cloud g lidi ng by and retu rned [() h is breath . For begi nners, this medita tion m ay seem frus tra ting because they no tice their minds raci ng all over t he place and feel that rhey are doing badly; but rhar is not the case. T he return to brcarh is the key to this form of m ed itat io n . T here is nocloing badly or well , just being with your brea th, releasing your t hough ts when you notice them, and coming har k to b reath. I hig hly recommend suc h tec hn iques . N ot only is t he return ro b reat h a glimmer of the zone-a moment of undisrrarred prese nceb ur the ebb and [ low of t he experience is anorher form of stress and recovery tra in ing. f inally. if there is noth ing in your life t hat feels serene , meditatio n is t he pe rfect hoh by to hel p you discove r a launch ing point in YOUt search for a petsonafized mu rine. Denn is has had a light snack and done some b reathing exercises. Aft er these twen ty-five mi nu tes, t he ne xt step wou ld be a ten-mi nute stretching routi ne from h is hig h school football d ays. I asked Dennis wh at kind of m usic he listened to. H e had cc lccr ic tas te, every t hi ng from Mcrallica to Bob Dylan to classical . I eold him t hat I 10ve<1 Bob Dylan as well. \'X'e dec ided on "Sad- Eyed Lad y of the Lowland s," a bea ut iful, mellow, long Dylan song; b ur really a ny m usic would have worked , depending on the individu al's preference. After li.,cening [() t he song, Den nis wou ld get his

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son , and t he~' wou ld go outside and toss around the baseball as t hey did every day. r w id D enn is to t reat t he carch like any ot her catch, just (0 have fu n. So we created the followi ng rourme: 1. 2. 3. ·1 . S.

Ear a lig ht consisrenr snack for 10 m inutes I ') min utes of med itation I O m inures of st retching 10 min utes of listening to Bob Dylan Play ball

For abou t a mo nt h, D en nis went t hroug h h is rou t ine every Jay before p la~' i ng catch With his son. Each step of th o; rou tine was na tural for him, and playi ng ball was always a joy, so t here was no st ra in to the expenence. T he next step in t he process is the c rit ical one: afte r he had fully internalized h is mu rine, I sug;;ested that he d o it rhe morning before goi ng (0 an im portant meermg , So Den nis transplan ted h is routine from a prelude (0 playi ng catch wi t h h is son to a prel ude to work . H e J iJ so and came back raving t hat he found himsel f in a to rally serene state in what was normally a stressful environm ent. li e had no t rouble belllg fully present througho ut t he meet ing . T he point to th is system of crearing your own t rigg er is t hat a physiolog ica l con nection is formt-J between t he rout ine and (he activity it precedes. Den nis was always present when p laying ball w it h h is son, so all we had to do was set up a rourme t hat became linke.;! to that state of mind (c learly it wo uld have been im p ractical for D en nis to tow J ack around everywhere he Wen t). O nce t he routi ne is internal ized , it can be used before any activity and ,I similar state of m ind will eme rge. Let me emphasize rhar your personal mu-

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t ine shou ld be de term ined by you r ind ivid ual tastes. If Dennis had so chosen, he could have d one cartwheels. som ersaults, screamed into the wind, and then take n a swi m before playing catch with his son, and over time t hose acrivirics wou ld become p hysiologically conne((txl to the same state of mind . I rend to prefer a rourine like Dennis's , because it is relat ively portable and seems more conducive to a mellow prese nce, h ut to each his own . I have used rou rines bt:foEt: comperitiuns for t he last ten years of my life. At chess tou rnament s, I wou ld medicate f or an ho ur while listening [0 a rape rhar soot hed me , and then I would go to war. W hen I sta rted com pet ing in the marrial arts I already kne w how to get into a peak perfo rmance state under prlCss utt: and had lirde t ro uble dt:aling wit h less com periovely experienced op ponents. Then I ran into a new problem. In November 2000 I traveled to Taiwan to com pete in my firs t Push Hands Wo rld Championship . I had never been to an inte rnat ional marna! arts tou rnament and was awed by the c hantinp fans in t he bleachers and the elaborate traditional openi ng ceremony in wh ich thousands of comperirors marched wi th rheir cou n t ries' flags waving above. Mort: th an fi fry natio ns were rep resented, each with a uniq ue training style. Wh ile I watched the other com pet ito rs warm up, I was impressed by t heir athlet icism and obvious maste r y. T he al ie n feel i ng o f the env iron ment see med to he igh ten t he t h reat of my opponents, I was feeling offbalance so I wen t into my rouone, which at thar POint was a thirty-min ute visualization exercise. I carne out of it raring to go. It was 9:00 A. M., I was supposed to have one of t he fi rst matches, and I was ready [0 roll . T hen the waiting bega n. T he d ock passed lO:OO, then 11:0 0. I didn't speak t he

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language and no one wou ld tell me when I was sched uled to com pere. I had heard that my opponent was a Tai wanese sta r, om I had no idea what he looked like. I was h ung ry, but t here was no food available at t he arena and my teammates am] I had been u nd er the im pression t hat all first-rou nd matc hes would be early in the morn ing , so we d idn 't b ring sn a~k s-b ig mis take . r had been informed t hat contestants would be ann ounced ove r t he loud speaker five min u tes before their match be,l;an, and if they fa iled [() show up im mcdia rely they wou ld lose b}' forfei t. So I had to spe nd ho urs, hung ry, read y to go on immediately for fear of leav_ ing to cat a snack and gett ing t hrown out of t he tou rname nt. hna lly at noon a b reak In t he actio n was an nounced. Lunch boxes were served to all comperi rors. At 12 :1) I was gi ven a g reasy p latte r of po rk fried nee and d uck. f ar from id eal for the moment , b ut I was starving and had lit tle choice. So I ate. A t 12:30 it was announced that I should report im med iatel y to the judges' ta ble . I was infor med my match was starting im mediately. My opponent was a lready warmed up , in a sweat, and had clearly k nown t he exact natu re of the tou rnament schedule. r was disconcerred, unprepared, and had a sto mach full of greasy food. I go t des troyed. It wasn't even close. It was a lude bit of conso lation [() see my opponent dom inate t he tournament and go on ro win t wo co nsccu rivc World Championships, but I hated the fact t hat I had traveled all t he way to Taiwan and had not even give n m yself a c hance to com pete. Some ser ious adjustments were called fo r. First of all, t he nurrrtinnal side of t his sto ry is very impo rta nt. I shou ld not have t rusted the posted schedule and should have had something to sustain me throug hout t he wait, no ruar ter how long it lasred . I had lea rned frnm J ack

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G roppel at LGE to eat five almonds every forty-five rnin ures durin~ a long chess ~am~, co stay in a st~ady Sla te of alertness and strengt h. In rnarrial arrs tou rnaments, I now rend to snack on Clif Bars, ba nanas, and protein shakes whenever necessary. Or, if I know I have ar lcasr an hour, I might have a b ite of chic ken or rurkey, O nly you know you r own body, b ur rhe key co nurri rion in u npredic table environments like Taiwanese marrial arcs tour name nts IS to always he p repared fi lr exer tion by being nourished , bu t never to have too full a stomac h and thereby du ll your senses. T he nurn nonal lesson is an easy one: I was careless and paid for it. Bur a m uch more serious q uest ion arose: what good IS a t hirty- or forty-five-m lnure routine if you only have minutes or seconds uf warn ing before the big event? In life, after all , (h ings don't always g o according to schedule. Ideally we sho uld be able to d ick in to th e zone at a mome nt's norice. T his is where my system for condensing rhe rou nne comes m . Let 's return co D en nis . W here we left off, his routine was as follows:

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I. Eat a ligh t consisren c snack for ren mi nutes 2. 1') minutes of rneditatron 3. 10 minuces of srre rching 4. 10 minutes of liste ni ng to Bob Dy lan lie had alread y lear ned to export th is mur ine from p laying catc h with h is son Jack , and cou ld now go through t he four s t~ps before b usiness meerings or any ocher stressful event and be in a g reat state of mind t h roug hou t . De n nis loved the resu lts and now d id his routine before every meeting. H e had taken ro scheduling importa nr events righ t 19.3

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after lunch, so he had some ti me alone to prepare. l ie felt };reat, was more prod ncrive, and 100,ed t he fresh energy with which he was tackling anythi ng he p ur IlLS mind (and routine) to. T har's already pretty good. T he next step of [he" PCOC['Ss is ro g radua lly alter the rout ine so (hat it is similar enough so as (0 have the same physiolog ical effen, but slighdy differen t so as to make [he "tr igger" both lower-main tenance and more flexible. The key is ro make [he changes imnmentall). slowly, so there is more similarity than difference from t he last version of the r outine . T his way the body and mind have [he same physiological rcacrion eve n if rhe preparation is slightly shorter. Den nis started do ing his rou tine eve ry Jay befOre work, the unly difference being [hat he would eat a larger breakfast (han the light snack, and he would listen to Dylan duri ng his short d rive to t he office , Steps rwo and three wo k place at home, afte r breakfast, as ori,l;inally planned. Everyrhi ng was going beau tifully. Next, for a few days, De n nis meditated for t welve minu tes instead of fifteen . He srill came out in t he same great state of mind. T hen he stretched for eight minutes, instead of ten. Same presence. Then he changed the order of t he screech and meditation. No problem. Over rtrne , slowly but surely, Dennis condensed his stretching and medi ta tion rounnc down to just a few min ute'S. Then he would listen to Bob D ylan and be ready to roll. If he wasn't h ung ry, he co uld Jo witho ut [he snack altogethe r. H is routine haJ been condensed to around twelve minu tes and was more pot ent than ever. Dennis left it at [hat because he loved Dylan so m uch, but (he next step would have been to graduall y listen ro less and less m usic, un ril he only had to rh tn k about (he tune to d ick into the zone. T his p rocess is

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systernaric , straightforward, and rooted in the most scable of all pri nciples: incremental growr h . As for me, rhe Tai Chi medicative movements became my routine. Every d ay before t raining at my d o]o. we rook about six minu tes and "di d rbe form." T hen Push Ha nds class began, and a number of the to p students wenr at ir with the same in rensity with which we would ap proac h competi tion . I learned virtua lly everyt hing I know about Tai ChI from my years of training in chat studio on 2.3rd Street. There is no place more peaceful and energizing for me. So in addition to rhe stand-alone benefits of Tai Chi meditation, my body and mind learn ed to con nect the form wit h my peak perfor mance state because I always d id the form hefore . . rrauung In my mos t mspmng semos Bur I d id not leave it at t hat. I had learned that mart ial arts roumarnenrs are, if anyt hing, un predic table. We don't always have five ruinu res of peace and quit'! before goin); to battle. Afcer my d isconcert ing experience in the 2000 \World Championships, I spe nt a n umber of monrbs shorrcning th e amou nt of preparation I needed to be primed for the mome nt. The essence of t he Tai Chi med itative movements is the contin ued gathering and release of body and mind as t he praceirioner flows t hro ug h the va rious marriul postu res, As r in hale, my mind comes alive, and I visualize energizing from my fccr inro my fingers. W hen r exhale, t he m ind relaxes, rhe bod y de-e nergizes, lets go, winds up, and prepares for the next i ntls rion . In essence, if you ignore t he concrete strengths of the various postures, Tai C hi rnediration is the pracrice of ebb and flow, sofr and hard , yin and yang. change. So in theory I should he able (0 conde nse t he pracnce to ItS essence. Incrementally, I started shortening rhc amo unt of fo rm I

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did before sta rting my training . r (l id a lit tl e less than t he who le form, then Yo of it , ~, Y. . O ver the m orse of man)' months, u r ifizing t he incre mental approac h o f small changes, I trained m yself to be completely prepared after a d eep inhalat ion and release. I also learned to do t he form in my mind wit hout moving at all. T he visualizat ion proved almost as powerful as t he real thing . T h is idea is not w it hout p receden t- recall t he nlllli/kn f~ 'tan mill/bon. f~rlll to 'tdH fimll. and Makin/.', Smaller Cir des discussions in Part I I. At a hig h level , pri nciples can be int ernalized to t he poi nt t hat they are bare ly recognizable even to t he m ost skilled observers . I now handl e t he u nprcdictabi lity o f marria l a rts tourname ms wi t h ease. In fan, rhe more ad verse t he enviro nment, the better off I feel, because I " now rny opponents will not deal wit h the chaos as well as I will. W hen J arrive in the tour nam ent hall I ge t a roug h sense fo r when t hings wi ll begin. T hen I d o the Tai Ch i form a couple of t imes, so my bod y is loose and flowing . I relax, eat a lit t le at a time so I am ready on a mom en t's not icc, lf rbcy call my name and say I m ust repon im med iately, I go t hro ugh as m uch or as li t tle of a rou nne as J have time for, and I'm good to g o , No problem. T he ideal for any performer is flexibi lity. If you have op ti mal condi tions, t hen it is always g reat to tab , your t ime an d go t hrough an ex tendc>J rou ti nc. If thi ngs are less organized , then be prepared with a flexible state of mi nd and a condcnsed rou t ine. O f course the advan tages to such condensmg practice extend far beyond the professiona l o r comperi nve arenas . If you are (I nv lOg your ca r, crossi ng t he street, or (Ioing any ot her mundane acti viry, and are sudde nly confron ted by a potent ially d angerous situat ion , if you arc trai ned to perform

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optimally on a mome nt's notice, then you may eme rge unscathed from some hair-raising situations. Bur far more critical than these rare climact ic explosions, I believe that th is type of condensing practice can do wonders to raise our quality of life. Once a si mple inhalation can trigger a state of tremendous alertness, our moment-to-momenr awareness becomes bli ssful, like that ofsomeone half-blind who puts on glasses for the first time. Wle see more as we walk down the m eet. T he everyday becomes exquisitely beautiful. T he

notion of boredom becomes alien and absurd as we naturally soak in t he lnvel y s ubt le ti es of the "banal." All experiences

become richly intertwined by our new vision, and then new connections beg in to emerge. Rainwater streaming on a city pavement w ill teach a pianist how

to

flow. A leaf glid-

ing easily with the wind will teach a controller how to let go. A housecar will teach me how ro move. All moments become each moment. This book is abour learning and performance, bur it is also about my life. Presence has taught me how to live.

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(n,lk a thumy mad. u ~ may tl/frr /JJ n...-y imh u'ith IfdlM /If' ue fa ll //jdkf $andalJ.

Anger. Fear. Desperation . Exciremenr. Happiness. Despair. I lope . Emorions are part of our lives. We would be fools to deny such a rich element of t he huma n experience. But , when Out eruo rinns overwhelm us, we can get sloppy. If fear reduces us to tears, we m ig ht not an effectivel y in a genuinely dangerous situation. If we seet he whe n someone crosses us, we may make decisions we come to regre t. If we get g id dy when th ings are luo king up, we will proba bly make so me careless mistakes that rum our good si tua tion upside down . Competitors have d iffere nr ways of approachi ng th eir emot ions in the heat of battle. Many either fed that the ir naeural movements are irrepressible or fail to consider (he q uestion altogether. T hese are not ideal approaches-i f we don't t hink t he issue through , chances are we will be controlled hy our passions . T here are performers who recognize t he disruptive potent ial of emono ns and tr y to tu rn (he m olT, beco me

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cold, detac hed , steely. For some personalit ies this nHg ht work , al though in my opinion de nia l tend s to melt down when t he press ure becomes fierce . Then there are those el ite pe rform ers who use em otion, observing their morne ur and t hen chan nel ing every th ing into a deeper focus t ha t generates a uni quely flavored creat ivity, T h is is an inreresr mg , resilient approach based on flex ib il ity and subtle inr rospecrive awareness. Instead ofbeing bul lied hy or denying the ir u nconscious, these players let their in ternal movem ents flavor their fires. O ve r t he yea rs, ,I.{ various st ag es of my development , I have found myself all over t h is speo ru m. In time, I have co me to believe that rhis last st yle , rooted In my notions of T he Soft Z one and T he Internal Sri/Itt/on. is a potem launchi ng po int for a u nique app roach to performance. In t h is chapter, I'H focus on one of the most dec isive emotions, one t hat Gin make or break a cum pe riror: A nger. As we enter in to th is di scussion, please keep in mind the three steps I described ,IS being cr it ical to resil iem, self-sufficient performance. f irst , we learn to flow w it h divtracrion , like t hat blad e of grass be ndi ng to t he w ind . Then we learn to use disrracrion , ins piring ourselves wi th wha t initially would have thrown us o ff ou r gam es. Finally we learn to re-create t he insp iring seni n;L;s internally. We learn to m ake sandals. My own expe rience wit h anger in co mpc ti rion ocgan with beill"l; jerked around by a rival of m ine whom I mentioncd in Part I of the book . T his kid was a hugely taknttxl Russian player w ho imrnigrared to t he U.S. when we were fifteen years old. Im med iatel y he and I were the top two young p layers in t he co untr y. Boris knew how to push my b unons. H e w,IS unrestrai ned by any notion of com petit ive ctiq ucrrc or eve n by the rules. H e would d o t~·t ry th i ng it

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took to win, and would sometimes do th l1l,l;s 50 far outside rhe lines of normal chess behavior that I was t otally taken aback. Co nsider t he hilarity of rhis mome nt . We are in t he U .s. J unior Championship, lasr rou nd, playing for the ti rle. I am four or five mi nutes inco a deep thought process. This is the critical posit ion. T he ideas are corning toge ther, I'm approac hing a solution, and suddenly Boris kicks me und er the table, t wo or t hree times, hard. Boris studied karate and I k now he li ked to kick things, bur this was rid icu lous. T here were many rimes that Boris pum meled me u nder the table d u ring critical momen ts of our games, but o f cou rse not all of his racncs were so ovcr-rbe-top. H ~ would shake rhc hoard, loudly clear his t h roat in m}' face five or six ti mes a mi n ute. rap pieces on t he table while I tried to think, o r confer about t he position in Russia n with his coach. T he standard reaction to such moments is to g o tell the arbiter wha t is hap pening. The problem is t hat when th is happened Boris would feig n in nocence, insist in Russian and bro ken English that he had no idea wha t I was ralking about, and t he arbi ter would have nothi ng to go with. Even if Bo ris was rep rimand ed , he had succeeded in g~ning my mind off t he posit io n. H~ was winning rhe psychological battle. I fou nd Boris's dis regard for sportsmanship infuriat ing . People like him hurt the game [hat I loved. I men doncd in Pan I char we both traveled to a world championship in Ind ia ro represent t he Un ited States, an d several reams lodged formal p rotests against the Ameri can ream because he and his coach were blaran rly l:hearing t hroug hout t he event. T he whole situatio n made me sick T he p roblem is that ir also mad e me ang ry. Time and ag ain in cr it ical moments of our games, Boris

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wou ld p u ll Out some dirty tric k , and I woul d get irritated and make an error. To his credi t, Boris knew how [() ge t in my head. As a teenage r, anger clouded my vision and Boris p layed me like a drum. After losing a couple of games (0 him, I real ize,,] that rig hteo us indignation would get me nowhere. I deci ded (0 b lock my anger out. When Bo ris rapped pines, I took a deep breach . Whe n he talked about t he position with his coach , I j UH p layed knowi ng I would have rc bear both of t hem . When Boris shook the board, I ignored h im . T h is m ig h t have seemed a gCKKI srra [(~gy, but t he prob lem with t his approac h is that Boris d id n 't have a lim it. H e was pertl'<:t1y conten t to escalate t he situation (for examp le h}' leg kick combinati ons) and eventually I would get p issed off and have a meltdown. It rook me some t ime to realize t hat bloc ki ng out my nat ural emono ns was not t he sol ut ion . 1 had to learn to lise m y moment o rg an icall y. Instead of be ing t hro wn ofl" by ur deny ing mr irritatiun, I had to somehow channel it into a profound state of conce nrrarion. It wasn't unti l my martial arts career that I really learned how ro do this. It wok work. T he fi rst t ime this issue came u p in my comperi rive martia l arts life was in the fin als of my first Ta i Chi C huao Push I la nds National Championship in N ovember 2(XlO. f had cruised through the tournament thus far and was in t he lead in this matc h unt il my npponent head butted me in the nose, which is blaranrly illegal. T he referee did n't sec it and play contin ued. T he ru les of this parr scu lar tournament were that points were scored when someone was unbala nced and either thrown into the air, o n the g round, or out of a larg e ring . No blows to t he neck, head, or groin were allowed . About fifteen seconds later he head-butted me again, harder, and a wild surge of anger flew up through my

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bodY and into my eyes. The blood rush to the eyes that comes with a hard blow co the nose is, I believe, where the expression "seeing red" comes from. I saw red and went our of control for abo ut ten seconds. O n the video it looks like my methodical style somehow mutated into a bullish rnadress, I was over-aggn,ssive, off-balance and completely vulnerable-quire literall y, I was blinded by rage. I almos r losr the Nationals in those moments, bur fortunately I returned co my senses and was able co win the match . A weakness of mine was exposed and luckily I didn'r have to lose to learn , This experience was disturbing [0 me on a numberof levels. There is the competitive angle, bur for me there was also a much more important idea at stake. My relationship co the martial arts is rooted in nonviolence. I don't get into fights. I don 't want co hu rt anyone. I believe that our world is destroying itself with a cycle of violence begetting violence, and I don't want CO have any part in that cycle. I fi rst got involved with Tai Chi Chuan as a movemen t away from ego, away from fig ht ing. I was drawn to the experience of harmony and interconnectedness that fel t like a counterpoint to the dog-eat-dog chess world. As I gar deeper into the marrial side of Tai Chi, and later the g rappling art BrazilianJiu Jitsu, th is inner harm ony would be rested continuously. To some th is might seem like a contradiction-why step into a martial arts ring if you don't want to fight? My personal relationship to this question involves continuous internal cultivation. It is easy CO speak of nonviolence when I am in a Rower garden, The real internal challenge is to mai ntai n that fundamental perspecti ve when confto nted by hostil ity, aggression, and pain. The next step in my growth process would be to Slay true to myself under inc reasingly difficult Condi tions. 203

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For the year following t h is inciden t at t he Nationals, devoted m yself (() staying princip led when sparrin,l; wit h cree ps. I soug ht ou t d irt y p layers and gor better and better ar keep ing cool when they got ou t of cont rol. T he re were a coup le of g uys in particular who were very useful ro me in (his training. I'm su re you remember Evan , the big fellow from the Im'f'Jt mfnt i n Lim chap ter, who used ro throw me against the wall. lie wasn 't a had guy, nu t he always pushed me to m y lim it with his a,l;,I;ression . Much of our training took place du ring this period of t ime . Th e re was another fellow 1"1 1 call Frank who was m uch more of the ge nu ine article. H e had been a big Push H and s co mpetitor for a num her of years and he d idn'r like to lose . When he was having trouble , he gor dirty. lie made h is uwn rul es . H is particular met hod of cho ice was to attack t he neck . In Push H ands the target area is shoulders to waist , Bare-handed attacks to the neck can be qu ite dangero us, and it is normal training etiq uet te not to target (he neck at all . But whe neve r Fran k felt t hreatened or unstab le, he would stare jabb ing lingers at t he Adam 's apple. I had one or two ug ly experiences with Fran k doing this when I was a beginner, well before t he Nationals head -bun scene. I d idn 't like his vibe, felt he was out of con trol, and for the most part avoided t rain ing w ith him . N ow that changed. I had an issue to work on and Fran k wou ld be t he ideal tra in ing partner. The first step I had to make was {O recognize t ha t t he p roblem was m ine , no t f ran k's. The re w ill a lways be creeps in the world , and I had (() learn how to deal with t he m wit h a cool head . Gec ting piss ed off would get me nowhere in life. Once I starred trai ning with Frank ag ain , I qu ickly realized that the reason I g m angry when he went afte r my nec k

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was t hat I was scared . I didn'c know how to hand le it and rhougbt I would ge r hun . lit was playi ng outside of rhe rules so a nat ural defense mechanism of mme was anger and righteous indignatio n. J lI S{ like with Bo ris. So, first thi ngs first- I had to learn to deal with neck arracks. T here was a pe riod of mon ths that I asked a few trustworth y {min ing pattm:'~ of m int to targ er my neck in P ush H and s class. I got used to ne urraliaing these attacks. T hen whenever frank r ame into t he school, I sought him out and we worked together. W henever he felr me co nt rolling h im , he predinab ly starred go ing after m y neck. W hen th is didn't work, he'd expand his t arget area, sometim es aiming at an eye, knee, or t he groin. My goal was to stay coo l u nder increasingly bad condi nons . After a year of t h is t rarning, I went back to San D ieg o to defend m y title at t he N ati onals. P redict ably enough, in the finals I faced off w it h t he same J;UYas the year before. The opening phase of the march was similar to our previous meeting. I began by co nrroll ing h im, neutralizing h is aggression , h uild ing up a lead. T hen he g O( emot io nal and started throw ing head-butts. M}' reacnon was very different th is rime. Instead of ge tting mad, I just rolled wi th h is attacks and threw 111m Out of [he r ing . Il is tactics did n't rouch me emotionally, and when unclouded , I was simply at a m uch hig her level t han him . It was amazi ng how cas}' it all felr when I did n't ra ke the ban. T here were t wo com ponents to (h is work. O ne rclarcd to my approac h to learning , the other ro perfo rmance. On t he learn ing side, I had to g t t comfortab le dealing with g uys playing outside the rules and targe ting m y neck, eyes, g roin, ere. This involved some tech nical grow rh, and in order to make those steps I had to recojrruzc (he rclatmnship between

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ange r, ego , and fear. I had to develop t he habi t of tak ing on my technical weak nesse s whenever someone pushed m y l unirs instead of falling back into a self-prorecnve indigna nt pose. O nce that ad just ment was m ad e, I was free to learn . If so m eone go t into m y head , they were Jo ing me a favor, exposi ng a weakness. TIley were givi ng me a valuable opportunity to expand my t hreshold fur t urb ulence. D itty players were my best teachers. O n the performance side, I had m ade som e strides, but still had a long way to go. First of all, r had to keep my hea d on straight no matter what. But thi s was only the initi al step of t he pron'Ss. The fan of the matter is that we have OUT natura l responses to Situations for a reason . Feeling s of anger and fear and elation emerge frum deep ins ide of us and I t hink blocki ng rhem ou t IS an arti ficial hab it. In m y expert ence, com petitors who make th is mis take tend to crum b le whe n pus hed far enoug h . J recall reading a ,'\' m ' York Times art icle abo ut rhe New York J e ts p lacek icker D oug Brien days before the J ets took on t he Pittsburgh Secclcrs in t he 20 04 N l'l. p layoffs. Brien t alked confidently abo ut g o ing into a med itative place before every kick . lie said tha t he isolated him self from h is surround ings, anti he clai med that even under huge pressures his m ind was "oom ph-rely em p ty" before each kick . Whe n I saw thi s I fc lr suxpic ious abou t his p rocess- t he "com pler ely" bot he red me-and I called m y d ad and cold h im I was wor ried about our kick er. Su re enoug h , when t he jors took o n rhe Sreelers, everyt hing came clown to tWO critical kicks. The firs t o m:' Brien k icked short. T he seco nd he shanked way left, ln an interview rig ht after the gam e he said t hat after t he first m iss all he could t hink about was getting it lnng enoug h. O ne m iss com bined with big pl"l-'SSUT('" to jolt

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Brien ou t of his perfect calm: he fixated on his last mistake and was any th in}; b ut em pty-minded. T he fan of t he matter is that while I love meditation and believe wholeheartedly in trai ning oneself w operate calmly under p ressure, there is a diffcren<:e berwcen the p ract ice field and a hostile, ff(.'ezingcold stadium filled with screaming fans who wan r you ro fail in the bi};};esc momen t of your life. T he only way to succeed is to acknowledge reality and fun ne l it , take t he nerves and use t hem . We must be prepared for imperfection. If we rely on having no nerves, on nor bei ng t hrown off by a big miss, or on the exact rep licatio n of a certai n mi nd ser , then when the p ressure is high enough, or when t he pain is too plerC lllg to ignore, our ideal state will shatte r. T he Soft Zone approach is m uch more organic and useful tha n denial. The next steps of my g rowth wou ld he to do with anger what I had with d istraction years before. Instead of d enying my emotional reality u nder fire, I had ro learn how ro sit w it h it , use ir, channel it inro a heigh te ned stare of intensity, Like the earthquake and the broken hand, I had to t urn r ny emotions to m y adva ntage.

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• • • It has been my obse rvaeicn that the greatest performers convert t hei r passions into fuel with tre mendous ronsisrcncy, There arc exam ples in every dis<:i pline. For basketball fans, t hi nk about t he Regg ie M iller/Sp ike Lee saga. Lee is N ew York's N o. I K nicks fa n. Reggie Miller was (he' star of the Indiana Pacers fro m 198 7 ro 2005 . T hroug hout t he 1990 s, the Knicks and Pacers repeatedly met in the playoffs and 1.1'1' would be sitti ng In h is coo rrside sear in Mad ison Square G arden for every hom e game. Time and again he wo uld hec kle M iller u m il Mi ller starred to respond. At 207

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firs t t h is looked like a good siruaeion to K n icks fans. Spi ke was d isrrau in,.; Rt;.;;.;it from the ;.;arnt. S ometimes ir seemed t hat Regg ie was payi ng more attenti on co Spike tha n to t he Knicks. But t hen it became apparent rhat Miller was using Lee as fuel for h is fin.. O ver an d over, Reg gi e would banter with Spike while to rch ing rhe K nkks w it h un believable shooting. Afrtr a while Kn ick, fans just hoped Spike would shut up TIle lesson had been learned-c-don'r piss ofT Reggie. lncid en rall y, young N BA players learned t he same lesson duri ng [he Michael J ordan era. Jordan was a no torious t rash talker on the courr . H e wou ld goad de fe nders into dielogue, b ur rhc problem was that if yo u tal ked back it inspired J ordan to blow you off the court . T he on ly thmg to du was co ler J urdan talk and play yuu r g ame- Try to kee p some of the beast asleep. T hen he wou ld just score his t hirt y points and move on co t he next game. But If you woke t he beast, M ike would score fifty and then d o it ag um next t ime yo u played him . A few years ago I was calki ng with Kelch H ernandez abou t th e role of ang er in his career. for those who arc not big spons fans, Keit h was a dominant force wit h the Sf. Lo uis Card inals and then the New York Mers, playing Major Leag ue Baseball from 1974 to 1990. Keith wo n 11 G old Glove awards, won rhe ba nin}; t itle and National League Mosr Valua ble P layer Award in 1979, a nd led the Mcrs to victory in t he historic 19 86 World Series against the Boston Red So x. Hernandez is k now n as one of t he w ughest hitters in baseball his to ry. I asked Keirh how he dealt wi t h pitchers t hrowing at h im. A pitche r W ill som etimes eit her hi t a batter or come very close co h itt ing a bar ter wit h a pitc h in order to planr a psycholog ical seed. G ening nailed by a 90-mph fastball is

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not a pleasant experience, and many senous injuries have ( orne out of this dark g amesmanship. T he infam ous scenes of hirrers charging the mound and clubhouses emptying into terrible brawls are usually t he result of a barter feeling that he is be ing ta tgeted. If the bacrer is actually hit, he automatically gets on fi rst base-c-as if he wl:' re walked . T his is obviously less than grea r for a pitc her, hut it is a calculated decision, because many baerers will get psyched out by being pelted- and t hey will be scared at t he plate for the rest of the game or even for years when faci ng that pitcher. K nowing rhar the fastball might be tailing to ward you r head complicates the hitti ng experience, and many barters get in nrmdared . O r they get mad. Either way, if a pitcher feels t hat he tan get in your head by th rowing at you, in Keit h's words, "You'll he on you r butt! " For Keit h, pirchers dug rheir own graves b y targeting him. lit' explains: 'That was always a positive motiva t ional th ing for me; if a pitcher knocked me down or hit me on putpose, well by golly you've got your hands fu ll for the rest of the year wit h me, Part icu larly the res t of this game. ~ Over the yeats pitchers learned to stay away from Keit h. because they would be musi ng a gia nt by hitcing him. Keit h told me a story about Frank Robinson, one of t he all- t ime g rt'atest baseball players, an d t he only man to be M VP of both the Ame rican Leag ue and t he N a t io na l Leag ue. Robi nson beg an his career in Ci nci nnat i back in 19 SO. In those Jays p itchers t hrew at bat rcrs all t he time. The Reds were play mg a three-game ser ies against St. Louis, and in rhe fi rst game, Robinson g ee hit by a pit ch and went on to have a phe nomenal nig h t. TIle next day t he pitcher hit Ro bi nson ag a i n, and he JUSt destroyed t he Ca rd inals throughout t he whole series. A week later, t he t wo tea ms

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played another series, but before It began Red Schoendiensr , rhe St. Louis manag er-c-and Keith's first manage r-c-called a [earn mee nng and said "The fi rst pitcher who h its Frec k Robinson is fined one h undred buckst j usr leave h im alone!" Keich loves this story. It represents what a t ru ly d ominan t com peciror shou ld be all about. G uys like Mill et, j ord an. Hernand ez, and Rob inso n are so fa r beyond shakable t hat opponents, instead of playing men tal games, cower for fear of inspiring them.

• • • Return ing to my own experience, I have steadi ly worked on integ rat1l1g m y narural emotio ns 1I1 to creative states of inspirauon. O f course there were stages to t his process. As a teenager I was throw n off by emo rio n and tr ied ro block It out. T hen , in m y early rwen ries, du ring m y initial experiments with Bud d hist an d Taoist medi tation, I worked on lemng my emot ions pass like a clou d. T his was in reresri ng as it opened up a wo rking relationsh ip with m y emotional reality very m uch like how I d escri bed wo rkiog wn h t he u nconscious in the chapter S/iJldn}!, DllU ,1t Time. Instead of be ing d omina ted by or d enying my passions , I slowly learned. how to observe t hem and feel how they infused m y momen r wi th creat ivity, ffl;' shness, or darkness. Once I had a wllTking relat ionsh ip with my cmo rionv, I began to rake o n my psychological reactio n to fo ul play in rhe martial arts wit h a bi t mOT(" subrlory. I believe that at the hig hest levels, performers and anises must he Hue to t hemselves. There can be no denial, no rep ression of t rue pt'rsonallty, or else t he creation W i ll he false-the performer will be alienated from his or her inruirive voice. I am a passionate guy. T he tan of rhe matter is tha t I d on't particularly like

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di rty players. T heir relationshi ps to com pennon. [0 ego, to sport, to an, to violence, to foul play-it all rubs me t he wrong way. T he next step in my t raining would be to channel my g ur reactio n intn intensity. T his is nor so hard once you get comfortable in t hat heated-up place. It is more about sweeping away the cobwebs than abo ut learning anyth ing new. We are hU llt 1O be sharpest when In danger. hut protected lives have dista nced us frum our narural abi li ties co channel Out ener gies. Instead of running from Out emorio ns or being swept away by their initial g US tS, we should learn to sit wit h them, become at peace wirh t heir unique flavors, and ultimarely d iscover deep pools of inspiration . I have found that this is a natu ral ptocess. O nce we build our tolerance lo r rurh ulence and a re no longer upended hy the swells of ou r emotional life. we can ride t hem and even pick up speed with their slopes. For a period following that second Natio nal Charn plons hip. I worked o n myself. First I learned to Stay cool when training with dirty players, and t hen I sta rted to use m y passion to m y advantage, to use my natural heat. \X' hen wnrking wit h guys who got out of conr rol, I wou ld fed an organic chang e in my body chemist ry. Wh ile initially this may have been d isorienting , now I used it ro sharpen my game, up the inrenviry, funnel my primal heat into a penetrati ng focus. I was no long er bei ng governed by selfprotectiveness and fear, and so there was no disorie nting anger. In time, I d iscovered that instead of helllg throw n off by the li kes of Fran k, I played m y best against t hem. My next compet it ive experience WI th a dirry player was in the 2002 Pu sh H ands WorlJ Cham pionshi p in Taiwan. Early in m y first round of the tou rnament, the Austrian rep-

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resenranve, a noticeably u np leasant ma n, delive red an entirely illegal and qui te painful upper cut ro my ,.;roin. Ill" was a h ig hly skilled martial art ist and 1 was in a lot of pain- b ut it was astonishing how h is antics backfired. I sOliit'd at him, and he cursed at 01(' . I felr no anger, just resolve. As the matc h conr in ued, he kept on t rying to get in my head in every way imagi nable. lie wen t for m y g roi n, t ried to take out rny knee, con tinued to arrack well after the referee had called sroppages- I d id n't react except to b uckle dnwn. Every d irty move mad e me just a litt le steelier, and wha t was interesting was that t he less his rage atlecred me , t he more lI ustercd he got. H e became increasingly aggressive. H is failu re to get In my bead consumed h im, made him crazy, and as he got more and more hea ted he lost track of the techn ica l side of the game and I p icked apart h is overe xee nsions. T h is guy was used to rattli ng oppo nents with foul play, and by bein,!; unmoved, I turned his racrics against him . He landed one cheap shot, but I knocked hi m out of t he tou r nam en t.

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• • • Of course there is an array of emo tions beyond anger that can emerge tn pressured scenarios. Truly superb rompe mive psycholog ists are findy nrruned to t heir d iverse mood s and to the creative potential born of them. T he forme r \"orld Chess C hampion Tig ran Peu osian was known by his rivals to have a pecul iar way of handl ing this issue. \Vhen he was p laying long matches that lasted over t he course of weeks or even months, he would be}; in each day by waki ng up and sitt ing q u ietly in h is room for a period of introspection. H is goal was to observe his mood dow n to the finest nuance. \Vas he feding nost alg ic , encrgerrc , cau t rous, dreary, impas212

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sioned, inspi red , confi dent. insecure? His next step was to build his game plan around his mood. Ifhe was feeling cautious. quiet, not overwhel m ing ly confident , he tended to choose an opening that took fewer risks and led to a position that harmoni zed wi th his d ispos ition. If feeling energized, aggressive, exceedi ngly confident, he would pick an opening that allowed him to express himself in a more creative vein . There were countless subtle variations of mood and of opening. Instead of imposing an artific ial structure on his match strategy. Petrosian tried to be as true to himseJf as possible on a moment-to-moment basis. He believed that if his mood and the chess posi tion were in synch, he would be most inclined to play with the greatest inspiration . G arry Kaspa rov, World Chess Champion fo r nearl y twent y years and perhaps the strongest chess player of all time, had a different approach to his emotions. Kasparov was a fiercely agg ressive chess player who thrived on energy and confidence. My father wrote a book called Mort,,1 GdTneJ about Garry, and during the years surround ing the 1990 Kasparov-Karpov match, we roth spent quite a lot of time with him . A t one point, after Kasparov had lost a big game and was feeling dark and fragi le, my father asked Garry how he wou ld handle his lack of confidence in the next game. Garry responded that he would try to play th e chess moves th at he would have played if he were feeling confi dent. He would pretend ro feel confident, and hopefully rrigger the State. Kasparov was an intimidator over the board. Everyone in the chess world was afraid of Garry and he fed on that realiry. If Garry bristled at the chessboard, opponents would wither. So if Garry was feeling bad, but puffed up his chest, made aggressive moves. and appeared to be the manifestation of Confidence itself, then opponents would become 213

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unsecrled. Step by step, G arry would feed off his own chess moves, off the created posi tion, and off his opponents' building fear, until soon eno ugh the confidence would become real and Garry would be in flow. If you t hink back [0 (he chapter Building YOllr Tril!f:,er and apply it to t his des<; riptio n, you'll see that Garry W 'M; not pretending. lie was not being artificial. Garry was tri8};ering his zone by playing Kesparov chess. As you can see, the re are many different approaches to handling )'Imr emurions under fire. Some are be tter t han others, and at the h igh end pe rhaps your perso nality should determ ine the nuance of your fine-tuning decisions. T hat said, I highly recommend t hat you incorpo rate t he principles of B/lilding You,. Trigger inro your p rocess. O nce you arc no longer swept away by yout emotions and can sit wit h t hem even when under pressu re, you will probably notice (hat certain states of mind inspire you more than oth ers. For some it may be happiness, fo r others it may be fear. To each his own. Perrosian was very flexib le. M iller, H ernand ez, and Rob inson worked well wit h ange r. Kasparov and J ord an were intimida to rs: they inspired t hemsel ves by wilt ing opponents. O nce you u nderstand where you lie on (his spectrum , che next step is to become self-su fficient by creati ng your ow n inspi nng conditi ons. Kasparov tr igg ered his zone by acti ng confident and t he n creari ng t he condi tio ns on t he chessboa rd and a dynamic wit h his oppone nt in which he played h is best. Mi ller ta lked with Spi ke Lee until he got fired up. W hen Spike wasn't around, Regg ie still li ked to play t he bad guy. In tact he was at his very best in t he playolfs on the mad, competing in a stadium fi lled with hostile fans. If the fans weren 't hostile, he m ig h t goad t hem ineo hating him . Reggie eh nv ed as t he villa in an d u iggere<1 t hese cond itions whenever he needed a boost.

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Hu t how d o you pl ay you r best whe n there is no one around to p rovide moti vation? There is no cockie-cur ree molJ [0 insp iration. T here is, however, a p rocess we can follow to discover our u n iqu e path. First , we cultivate T be Soft Z one. we sir wir h our emoti ons, observe them, work wi th t hem, learn how to let t hem doar away if they ate rocki ng our boat, and how ro use them when they are fuelin}; uut creariviry, Then we turn our weaknesses into srrengrhs until t here is no denial of out natural er up tions and nerves sharpe n our game , fear alerts us , anger funnels into focus. N ex t we dis cover what emot ional Slates trigger our greatest perfo rm ances. T h is is tru ly a personal q uestion. Some of us will be most creati ve w hen cb ulfien r, others when morose, To each his uwn. In trospect. T hen Make Sandals. become )'out ow n eart hq uake, Sp ike Lee, or tailing fastball. D iscover what states work best for yo u a nd , like Kaspa rov, b uild condensed triggers so you can pull from your deepest reservoirs of creat ive insp irat ion at will.

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Learners and performer<; come in all shapes and sizes. Some people are aggressive, others are cautious. Some of us like q uest ions, others p rl'fe r answe rs. Some bubble wit h rn nfi dence, always hungering for a challenge , while others break into a sweat at the notion of raking on something mow. Most of us are a complicated mix ofgreys. We have areas of srabi liry and ot hers in which we are wobbly. In my experience t he greatest of artists and competitors arc mas ters of nav igating their own psychologies, p la yi ng on their strengths , controlling the tone of barc fe so tha t it fits wit h their perso nalities. W hile in t his hook I have conveyed my vision of a life of learning, it is my hope t hat you will take these ideas and make them your own. Make them fit wit h your narural disposition. I have found t hat in the intricate endeavors of co m pet it ion, learni ng, and performance, there is mo re than o ne solution til virtually eve ry meaningful problem. \X!e are un ique individua ls who should pu t ou t own Rai r in ro everything we do. T he q uestion is: How do we do this! Let's say we have become very good at someth ing , and we are capable of per-

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formi ng reliably unde r p ressu re. Il ow do we beco me excep-

rional i Ilow do we m ake t har leap from techn ical virruosit y to unique creativity? The real art in learning takes place as we move beyond proficie ncy, when our wo rk becomes an expression of our esccnce. T h is was the (hallengt' at t he center of my prep arat ion for t he 2004 C h ung H wa Cu p . the Wo rld Cham pionsh ips of Tai Ch i Chunn Push H and s. What was it ins ide cha r could rak e me to the cop? W hen l rhi nk balk on the art of m y compe ti tive Tai Ch i life, Ta iwan was always t he reality check. It was the true measure of my g rowth. T he skill level in U .S. P ush H and s events, including ou r champ ionships, d ocs n'r co mj"'ue to suc h competirio ns in Taiw an , w here Push H ands IS rhc national SpotL Med iocrity G IO be self-nurt uring, and fra nkly, many U.S . Push H and s p layers delude themselves about t heir level of p rofic iency. T he top Taiwanese fighters train for m any hours a d ay fro m child hood, consran rly com pet ing in brural reg ional a nd nano nal rournamenrs. For the summer before the biannual Ch ung H wa Cup , the elite schools have traini ng camps where fighters up t he intensit y o f the ir prepararion , wo rking six or e igh t hours a day, comb in ing inte nse condi noning w it h technical sharpening. T he stakes are very h ig h for t hese compet ito rs, and they are we ll-oiled machi nes when t hey step in the ring. Foreigners t raveling to t he Chung H wa Cup arc entering the den of t he lion. Wi n in Taiwan and the n we ca n tal k about greatness. The firsr time I traveled til Taiwan , in 2000, I was trcsh off winn ing r ny fi rst Push Hands Na t ional C hamp ionship . In more ways rhan one, I had no idea wha t I was ge t t ing m yself Into. I desc ribed in B/l ildmg Your Trigger how I got blindsideJ by the sched uling of the event. I was rold my first match wou ld OC" ea rly in t he m orn ing bur I was faced w it h

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hou rs of wait ing. I g ot increasingly hungry and had nothing to eat . \Vhen t he lunch b reak was annou nced at noon, I devoured a greasy plane r and was im mediately called to t he ri ng . I gcr blown ou t of t he water by t he guy who went on to win t he tournament. W hik- I certainly needed to take on the psycholog ical side of what happened to have any chance to com pete under these condi tions, rhe truth of t he matter is t hat it was no t th e decisive fac to r. My opponent was much berrer t han me. If I had been perfen ly poised , he would have bea ten me . I had a lor to learn. In t he rwo years follow ing m y firs t experience in Ta iwan, I really buckled dow n in my rraining.Tve d escribed much of thar work III t he early chaprcrs of Part I I, but there was also another t om ponem to chis preparation. C hinese martial arts tend to be very secretive, and Tai C hi C hunn rs a particularly en igmat ic d iscipline. If you read the Tai Chi Classics, study t he philosophical foundation, practice t he moving medira rio n, you will gain a sense of awareness, feel supple, and possibly be able to generate a lor of speed and power. Bur it is hard to t ranstarc these princi ples into via ble marrial application u m il you rest yourself Out in rhe ring and incrementall y separate the real from t he m yt hical. Unfortuna tely, many reachers haven't done th is themsel ves, and they protect thei r egos and t heir schools by clai ming to have t remendous power- for exam ple, the ability to throw someone without to uching them- but they refuse to show anyone. Often, supposedl y great mart ial artists will avoid de monst rat ing their "power" by offering the exp lanation: "If you and I were to spar, I migh t kill you." Wheneve r I hear t his I know rhar I am hste ning to a charlatan-true maste rs have control. O n the ot her hand , some very powerful skills really ca n be developed and it is tr ue rhar the g reatest secrets arc kep t for

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a very select circle. There is always the lingering question_ whar is really possible and what is hype' Until I went ro Taiwan , I had no idea whar ro expeer. And

sure enough, the rop comperirors were armed with a skill set I had never dreamed of. They were remarkable arhleres who had grown up in a cu lru re rhar cu lrivared the refin emenr of Push H ands in rh e same way rhar rhe o ld Sovie r Union had mastered rhe engineering of g rear chess players. Follow_ ing that fi rst roum amenr, I was armed with direct observa_ ri on and many hours of " ideo of rhe roughest Push Hands players in the world. That video footage of the rap Taiwanese competitors would prove [ 0 be a c ruc ial well of

information. Afrer m y fi rst t rip ro Taiwan, I saw char the g reatesr practitioners were nor m ysti cs, bur profound ly dedicared martial artists who had refi ned certa in fundame mal skills at a tremendously hig h level. T he subt lety of their unbalancing techni ques was sometimes mind -bog gling. \X'h ile an untrained eye m ig ht have seen nothing, these players were using incredibl y po ren! combinations d esigned ro provoke the tin iest of leans- and then opponents were on rhe floor. From 2000 ro 2002, I st udied t hese rapes in derail and slowly refined my game. During those yea rs much of my training was with my dear friend Tom Orrerness, who is W illiam Chen's senior st udent and one of the rnosr powerful

internal martial artists I have ever known. Tom is a sculpror who spends his days molding clay and who subsequently has hands and arms that feel like a bear's-s-ad d over rhtrry-five years of Tai Chi rraining and ir 's no surp r ise rhar Tom hies like an avalanche. W hen Tom and I fi rst started working together, he would smash me all over the ring . I felt like a rennis ball meering a wall of fo rce, and to make maree es 220

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worse Tom was also a heat-seeking missile-c-rhe re was 0 0 avniding his power. I was forced to add subrlery to m y neutralizations and to b uild up my roor" so I co uld survi.. . e his o nslaughts. Worki ng with Tom night afte r nig ht gave me rhc confidence t hat I could stand in t he ring with anyone. \V hen I went back to the Chung H wa Cup in late N ove mber 2002, 1 was ready, or so I though t. By now I had won rhe U.S. Nationals for t hree straight years. I regularly co mpered in m ulriple we ig ht careg ories , ufren gi ving up over a h undred pounds to m y opponent s and consisrcnrly winning he-a vyweight and super-heavyweight t itles. I was a m uch im proved mart ial art ist and I also knew what I was getti ng m ysclfinro. M y first march of rhar 200 2 Chung H wa Cup was agai nst the Aus trian rep resenrarive , who had just won t he Eu ropean Championship a few months before t he Worlds. I descnbed in t he prev ious chapter how early in t he ma tch he nailed me with an upper cu t to the groin. III" was a dirry player who counted. on g etti ng into his opponent s' heads, bur a large part of my trai ni ng the previous couple of years had been focused nn hand ling his ilk. I buckled down and knocked. him om of the to u rnament. My next match was against t he top srudenr of one of t he Ta iwanese schools. I II" was slippery, very fast , b ut he had a bad habi t of rooring off his rear leg when p ressured. As I mentioned in Tbe JI!JWt!lJ of the !II )'stiral. t he p roblem wit h p urring your weigh t toOfar back is that when it shi fts forward, as it must inevitably, rhcre is an opening-a flash when ' As a reminder, hy "rw," I ~m rcocmn.l( to , ht·

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you are vul nerable. I had been working very hard 011 my t hrows for rhe previous two years, and I was able ro work him toward rhe edge of the ring, make him lean on me, and t hen list' his momentum to put him o n the ground. His habit ual weight distr ihution served as a rcll and I was all over him. I won t he match easily. Now carne rhe sem ifinals and my opponent was a 1\J. iwanese star. II is name was C hen Ze-Cheng and he was t he };uy r had been most im pressed with two years before. In tau , the video footage I had focused on most closely while p reparing for rhis year's room amen r was ofChen Ze-Cheng dismantl ing his opponents. C hen has rhc phy.si(ality of a gazelle. Tall, sinewy, incred ibly st rong for his weight, and dazz lingly arhlenc, he puts opponents on rhe floor wit h a speed and rechmcal virtuosity that just baffles t he mind. He is the son of rhe to p P ush Hands teacher in Taiwan, who is also arguably t he best t rainer in t he world, and so in addit ion to his p hysical gifts C hen had been receiving t he very best instruction since childhood. Whe n the open ing bell rang, I was all charged up . O u r wrisrs met in the middle of t he ring and he immediately shot in for a throw, which I crimped. But he kept the pressure on, p um mel ing 111 wi th his hands to get an advantageous greppiing position. 1 felt dan).;er everywhere. I kept on brushi n}; him away from me, staving off throw after t hrow, but he would n't Stop com ing. H is power fel t internal, relaxed, molten, and always primed for an explosion. He was all over me, relentless-but he still hadn't scored any POints. A little over halfway th roug h t he firs t round I caugh t him oflbalance in the middle ofone of his at tacks and exploded into a huge push that sent him fl ying . It looked like Chen was going out of the ring, bur he landed wit h his toes sti ll in,

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heels hovering over t he line, and he did a matrix maneuver, head backwards nearly rn t he floor while he pushed out with his wa ist to keep h is balance and stay in bounds. Such an athlete! I charged into the attack but JUS t when I arri ved he was upright again and somehow rooted. This was a war. Playing in that rin g w ith C hen I had the feeli ng that he was in m y sk in, suc k ing out my energy. I kept on pushing him away like a bad d ream . I would unbalance him a little, weather his storms , but his conditioning was amazing and he kept comi ng back. \'(' ith about thirty seconds to go in the round , I star red to feel d rained . I have come to understand that t his is a b ig part of Chen's strategy-he pressures opponents, nag s them. He is looking for openings but really jus t goading rivals into exhausting themselves by pushing him away. H e keeps pummeli ng in, getting pushed back, and retu rn ing with an end less persistence. I felt this happening and decided to Stay in the cli nch for a minute, lee hi m in, see if he cou ld d o any thi ng . I was on the floor before I could blink . It was a st unning throw. I was up and then I was down, and I didn 't know wh at h it me. I got up shaking my head and came back at him . T here wasn 't much time left, and I was overagg ressive and got taken down again. The second round was more of the same. He pressured me, I staved him off, sea rched for openings, but for the mosr part he felr like a mani al g iant. About a minute inca the round , he caug ht me fl ar-foored and rhe next rhing I knew I was piling face fi rst into the mats. Man was he fasr! Then he just held me off, protecting his lead. [ went afrer him and was in the middle of a wild attack a desperate attempt to come back when , had the bell ra ng and rhe march was over. We hugged . He beate n me w irh grace and true excellence. My neck and 223

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shoulder were throbbmg m pain, I was wrecked . I had one more march in t he to urna ment-a fi,l;h t for t hi rd plano, wh ich I som ehow managed to w in despite hard ly being able to move the right side of m y upper body. So I took bronze in t he tou rnament and had two more yea rs to stew in m y juices until my next chance. The bar had bee n ser. After t he 2002 World Championships I was a ma n on a m ission. T he ti me had come ro take my game co a new level. I had felt up dose and perso nal wha t the best in the world was all about and I knew it was within reach. This next phase of my learning process would be about b uild ing and refi ning a competi tive repcrrnire that was uniquely my own . Im med iatel y after co m ing home to New York City, my work began. T be fi rst couple mont hs of rraimn g after t he Worl,ls were mosdy mental. Fo r one t hing , I had to let my body heal. My shoulde r was a mess and it needed some t ime before it could t ake ful l-tile impact. So I stud ied tapes, b roke down t he techn ical repertoires of Chen Ze-Cheng and t he other top Taiwanese players. Watching hours of fomage frame b}' frame I picked up on in fi nitely sub tle setu ps and plays wi t h footwork rha t really opened my eyes to w hat I was u p ag ai nst. The difference between numbers 3 andLis mo untainous. I would have to becom e a whole other kind of at hlete. St ep by step. B}' m id January I was back on t he mats doi ng soft trai ning that didn't aggravate t he injury but kept my body fluid. I worked on some new rerhrucal ideas, integrated t he movements into my arsenal by doing slow-motion repet it ions. By March I cou ld mi x it tip at full speed witho ut worryi ng about my should er, b ut I st ill wasnr playing compenrively so m uch as working on the ideas I described in th e chap te rs

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",,,king SIIM!!er Circles. Slowing Doum Time. and Thelllnsion oj the Mystical. I was sci ll in rhe "research and development' stage. I have ralked abouc style, personal raste, being true co your natu ral disposicion . This theme is cricical ar all stages of the learning process. If you ch ink abouc the high-end learning principles chac I have d iscussed in chis book, they all spring out of rhe deep, crea t ive p lunge into an inicially small pool of informacion . In the early chapters, I described rhe imporranee of a chess p layer laying a solid foundacion by studying posicions of redu ced com plexity (endg"me beJore opening). T hen we app ly the internalized principles co increasing ly complex scenarios. In M"king SIIM!!er Cirdes we cake a sing le techniq ue o r idea and practice ir unt il we feel irs essence. Then we g rad ually condense rhe movements while maintaining their power, unt il we are left with an extremely porent and nearly invisible arsenal. In Slowirig Doum Time, we again foc us on a select g roup of techniq ues and internalize them until the mind perceives them in tremendous derail , Afcer training in this manner, we can see more frames in an equal amount of rime, so chings feel slowed down. In Tbe llbaion oJthe /IlyJlic"I, we use o ur culcivarion of rhe last two principles co cont rol the intention of the opponent- and again, we do this by zooming in on very small derails co which ochers are complecely o blivious. T he beaut ifu l ching abouc chis approach to learning is Chat once we have felr rhe profound refinement of a skill, no matter how small it may be, we can then use that feeling as a beacon of qualicy as we expand our focus onto more and more material, Once you know what good feels like, you.can zero in on it, search it out regardless of the pursuit. large sca le, chis is how I rranslared my undersamd 225

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ing on to weaknesses, hi tti ng the ground , getting back up , and <:oll id in}; again like rams. Dan and I continuously pushed each other to improve. We were both worki ng so hard that if one of us Sto pped learning, he would ge t ki lled in the ring. Ir was d uring rhc last four mo nt hs of our preparation t har I came upon m y fundamenta l stl'.l(eg y fur the tou rnament- what chess playen; call prophylaxis. You see, I believe [ha t Dan, like C hen Ze-Cheng , is a more };if(ed athlete than me. For all m)' training , he can do things that bogg le my mind. So w hen working wit h Dan I developed a game (hat was based on squelching his talents. In Taiwan I would play in t he style of Karpov or Pcrrosian, t he G randmasters who rr igg ereJ my existential crisis at (he end uf my chess career. In the last months of Taiwan trai ning , instead of tr)'ing to blow Dan OUt of rhe ring, I cried to shut him down, crimp his g ame, and use the rin iesr overexre nsions to m y ad vanrage. I CTe'J-t&1an app ro ac h we called the Anaconda. I would pressure my opponenr, sti fle hi, arrar ks, slowly inch him our of t he ring while cu tti ng off escape paths. If my oppo nent breathed , I wou ld rake space whe n he exhaled. This was a };ame that relied on keen p resence and sensi tivity to m y opponent 's intent ion. Every aggressive move in a martial arts confron ranon is risky. To at rernp r a throw, you weaken your structure if only for a flas h. I would usc that flash. Whenever Dan t ried to t h row me, I entered the attack , too k space, and r ricd to si m ultaneous ly neut ralize hi s agg ression and cinch down the pressu re. Wt'ek afte r week, I g O( bette r at this. I was creating t he ar m-Chen Ze-Cbcog game. And Dan got better at attacki ng me. Some nig hts I would dom inate him , repress his every attack, and then explode in my own throws when he gilt des-

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perate. Ocher nigh ts he wou ld be e lect ric anti destroy Ole. I remember one night in particular when he felt like a jaguar. I II" was all over me, above me, behind me , on fire with an animal inspi ration, I limped home feeling absolu tely bereft, b ur th e next night I came in and locked him do wn. Fo r t he final three months before Taiwan, I record ed all of Dan's and my training sessions , T he n, every nig h t r would go home anti study the tapes . Th is was va luab le on a nurnher of m undane levels. Warl;hin).; yourself on video, you can spot rclls or bad habits. You can refine your tec h niq ues by brea king dow n what works and wha t doesn'r. Bur t he pr imary fu nct ion t he lapes had for 01(' was very d ifferent, Dan a nd I had bot h reached such a high level of presence to incoming aggression t hat u ur sessions were marked by fewer anti fewer POin ts. We knew each ot her's games, we knew what attacks we re coming, we knew how to probe without overexrending. Dan had fi).; ured out how ro play against my righ t shoulder in a ma nne r t hat neutralized most of my agg ressive impulses, and I could usually rake advantage of h is att acks to edge him our of the ring. I f you took our physical and mental ab ilities, pur the m toget her, and collided them on the mats, we were dead even. We were also performing at peak levels, so few mistakes were being made. We were in a state of d yna mic equi libri um. T he only rim es pnintv were scored were in mome nts of creat ive inspi rat ion, when one of us did something rhar transcended ou r curren t level of abilit y. T hese were t he moments I focused on in t he videos. Two or t h ree rimes in an evening, Dan and I would be in the midd le of a wild Hurry and sudden ly my body would pur his body on t he ground. J USt like rhar. And rwo or t hree ti mes, he would do the sumc ro me. W(' were playing wit h

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such a tigh t margin, that I cou ld n't t hin k about a techn iq ue and then do it to him. No way if would catch hi m offguard . Hut a few ti mes m y insti ncts wou ld find som et h ing t hat m y conscious mind d id n 't p ick up o n. When I wen t home and warched tile vid eo, I studicxI each of these moments frame by frame (0 see what happened. Sometimes I would see m yself t rig};er ing inro a throw just as Dan's blink began . Ocher t imes, my hody wo uld d irect a t hrow off to a creative new angle t hat caugh t Dan unawares. Maybe my footwork wo uld fall int o rhy thm wit h his in a m anne r t hat ope ned up a t iny gep of momentum (0 rid e, or I m ig ht catch him at t he beg in ning nf an ex hala rion . T here were man y moments like this, each of whi ch I stud ied unt il I understood . T he next day I would come into training and tell Da n w hat I discovered. We would then convert what had been c reat ive inspiration into somethi ng we understood tech nicall y. If my body svnched up with h is breathing, we broke dow n how {O d o t h is at will. If I ca ugh t a bl in k , we studi ed t he nuances of b linking. N ext t ime we sparred, D an would he aware of the new weapon I was worki ng with, and so he would create a counter in order [0 stay in the game. The n I would work against h is cou nter. T h is way we raised t he baseline of OUf everyday level, and increme n tally ex pand ed the horizo n of what om creat ive b u rsts co uld

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Let 'S t hink abo ut this met hod in t he lang uage of chess: If a chess expert were to have his most ins p ired J ay he would come up wit h ideas that woul d h low h is rnmd and the m inds of others
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way I (lid it was outside bot h ou r conceptu al schemes, so neither of us really knew what happened. T hen I went home and st ud ied t he tape. I saw, for exam ple, that my t hrow triggered from a p recise grappling position at the exact moment t hat Dan's kft foot received his weig h t from hi" righ t foot. I didn't do th is consciously- my body just did it insti nct ively. But now we have learned that in that partic ular posinon, an opponent IS vu lnerahle when he shifts his weight in t hat manner. T he next step for me is to c reate rechruques t hat f()Re the switch of weigh t. And Dan can become more conscious to avoid the trap. We both get better and bener at playing around t he split second when th e weight sett les on t he ground throug h t he left foot. We have created a body of t heory around a fleeting moment of inspiration. Now t here are techniq ues and p tlociples that make t his weapon accessib le all the ti me, We have taken OUf p yram id of k nowled ge up one level and so lid ified a higher fou ndation for new leaps. Afier seven or eight weeks of this work, we had internalizcd a very tight network of martial arts techniques rhar were all the products of Dan's and m y most inspired moments. This became our champio nship arsenal. W hat we ( onserucred was all new, hig hly personalized, and completely t rue to our indiv idua l strengrbs. And most of it was psychoIngi<:al. It was abo ut getting in th e opponent's head, catching his rhy thms, con trolli ng his inte nt io n wit h subtle tech nical mani pulation . W hen we went [ 0 Ta iwan, we were ready for war.

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CHIIPTf.R 20

T A IWA N

1()()4 Ch u ng II."" Cup

'fa i Chi Chuan World Championships

Taipei, D« ember 1-5, 1()()-I

Clo ud , moved fast, d ark and g rey, the rain corning in gusrs and t hen tapering off as Typ hoon Nanmadol surged over the South C hina Sea. I' ve always loved storms; now these fie rce winds made m e electric Ir was T h ursday even ing, forty hours from bacrle, and I stood at the peak of Elephant Mount ain look ing down on an O ld Tao ist Tem ple , the ci ty of Taipei spread OUt be low. T he smell of Ince nse wafted Up from t he tem pl e shrine, smoke swi rling in the b uilding winds. I'd be};u n prepari ng for rhi s rournament , t he \'1orld Cham p io nships, t he d ay after losing in rile semifinals rwo years before . My last th ree months of traini ng had been b ru tal. N ig ht after nigh t of pa in , pushing myself to the abso lute Iimir unnlnorhi ng was left , and t hen dragsing mysdfhome to rest up for t he next J ay's sessions. N ow I stood, b reath ing dC('ply, soak ing in the wind and rain . 11"IC sky to rhe west was a liv id red - it was corning. I felt al ive and ready.

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tournament officials had changed the rules of the compet itio n. Previous years in Taiwan , Fixed Step had been p layed on raised pedestals, each figh ter Handi ng with his right foot forward , [eft fool back abour three feer (0 allow (or a dy namic, rooted stance . I n this year's competition, t hc Ta iwanese rem oved the pedestals without any warni ng to foreign teams. "Ib is apparen rly small alrerarion in format would give a CNcial advantage to the local tea ms who hall been t rai ning under the r orrccr condirions for t he previous year. I will come back ro this surprise soon-but fi rst imagine a Fixed Srep comperirio n. T he forwa rd feet of the opponents arc lined up he'd to toe, about one foot apart. Pla yers arc very close toge t her, Wit h opposing rig ht wris ts crossed and touch ing , and left ha nds hang ing hy the left h ips like old Weste rn g u n figh~ers. In th is posture t he mental g ame begins. P layers stand sti ll , poised, vying for sub de adva nruges that will key explosive arracks. This moment is an energetic stare-down. T hen the ref says go and play erupts. T he first to move a foot loses t he point, or if someo ne is thrown to t he ground , rwo points. If a lead ever exceeds ten poi nts in a rou nd , round over. Ar fi rsr glance. it looks like power and speed are decisive. W hoever is faster getti ng h is hands on the other guy seems to wi n. But if you break t he ,l;ame dow n it becomes apparent t hat certain rcchniques refute ocher rcch niq ues. Every attack will get you th rown on the floor if met by t he right coun ter, hut moves and combinations of mows come so fast It fee ls like a guess mg garne-c-marrial rock/paper/scissors. T h is is only the hexin ning. T here is a sea of potential that fl ows from t his opening stance, an almost infiOlte numbe r of fein ts , swift attacks from all angles, psychological ploys. In ti me, wi th years of creative training and a w ill ing ness to

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invest in loss, [0 take blow after blow and get blasted off the pedestals as a way of life, the ~am~ starts to slow down. You see arracks com ing in slow moti o n and play refueaeional maneuvers in the blink o f an eye. Grear players are doi ng man y invisible th i n~s in th is ~ame. if feels like ches s. At the hig hest level of t he sport , you are l iving inside yo ur op ponen r's head and directing wha t he co mes at you wi th. Because each Fixed Step point beg ins exactly t he same way, with t wo players assum ing an iden tical ope n ing posture , com pet itors can plan attacks in advance and over t ime build repertoires of co m binat io ns and defe nses t hat t hey fi re into whe n the ref sets p lay in mo tion- i n the same manner t hat strong chess players have sophisticated open mg repertoires. Since the first ti me I wenr to Taiwa n lour years earlie r, I had been hreakmg dow n t he game and creating Fixed Step t heory that emerg es from the agreed ope ni ng posture: stand ing on pedes tals wi th the set hand posit ions. Taiwanese officials had sent us the exact d ime nsio ns of the pedestals mont hs before t his tournament. I had t hen internalized my arsenal of attacks and ncurrahzarmns, and was so comfortable wi th the game that I often trai ned with my eyes closed , allowi ng opponents to trig};er firs t. My bod y would shrug off t he arracks and explode in to instinctual coun ters. All of rl ns training was done whi le rooring on t wo small pedestals . Now, one day before th e co mpet it ion begi n<; , the news was t hat there were no pedestals and the rear ha nd would begin on the opponent's elbow instead of by the hip. This is a huge struct u ral change. T he e quivalent in ch ess would be for a Grandmas te r {(J spe nd five months preparmg an ope ning repertoi re for a World Championship match and the n, before ga me o ne, to d iscove r that the whole repe rtoire had been disallowed by a m ysterious ru le change.

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10 a minute everything had shi fted , and we had a handfu l of hours co re-create an entire repe rtoire. O n 001;' level this was infuriat ing ; on another it was predictable. Tai Ch i is an emblem of C hinese and Taiwanese greamess. In a way, this disc ipli ne represen ts t heir sporting and philosophical essence. T he top Taiwanese compecirors train since childhood, man y h()U1~ a day. If t hey win th is tou rnament, they are nationa l heroes. The}' take ho me a suhstantial rash prize and also get full scholarships to university, A career can be made in a day. Foreigners arc welcome, bu t noone wants them ro win. T he Taiwanese pull out the stops to p revent it. It is a question of nat ional pride. At 1 A .M. ThursJay nig ht Max Chen and I were up exploring rhe nuances of this new structure. Max is my reacher's son and a ve ry dose frie nd of m ine . H e has been the U.S . National San Shoe (Chi nese k ick boxing ) Champ ion t h ree t im es , and is an accom plished P ush Hands p layer. Max k nows what it's like to be on the from lines in inrernarional comperirion. \Ve made a plan . Then I lay in bed visualizing un til :3 ". M. By Friday morning it was po uring ro rrenria lly. Typhoon Nanmadol was just offshore. I've been through a number of h urricanes 011 boats in the Baham as, and something about t his type of brooding , ominous b uild up in the sky cl icks me into a highly efficie nt place. I was on fire with ideas. We had intended to rest Friday, fill up t he ta nks, but that wasn't an option anymore with the new rules. The whole ream , ten of us, gathered under a huge gazdlO-type st ructure in the park by H sinchuang Stadium, whe re the tournament wo uld be held . After living and dying 011 rhe mats toge ther for the past year, we were ,I family, a dedicared unit, with lin er conviction about our work, and yet from one angle our situation was

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surely p reposterous. We were gat hered ou tsi de in a typ hoon u ying to fig ure out how to surv ive wi t hout pedestals. Max had spent the mo rning jogging t hroug h the downpou r try ing (0 sweat off four po und s before t he weig h- in. T he wind was howling and even unJer t he gazebo, rain hit U~ horizoneally D an and I worked together refining new srra regies on rhe fl y. W h ile out teammates d id some lig h t sparring , we spent t wo hours re-creanng ou r Fixed Step theory T he key was to roll wit h t he evolving situation and con tour new racncs arou nd t he principles we had discove red back home . W hen hi t wit h such surprises, if you have a solid foundadon, you shou ld be fi ne. Tactics come easy once p rinciples are in t he b lood. I felt confide nt. H ouse ru les are almost always in effe<:t when playin}; un t he ruad -c-l knew this from the ( hess days and previous Taiwanese debacles. H and ling d iny t ricks is a part of the game.

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DAY 1

Satu rday morning. \Ve arr ived at the stadi um and weighed in at 7: ) 0 A. M ., everybody hu ng ry, b ut no eatin g until we made weight. After all t he p reparat io n, t here is no th ing like t hat fttl in}; uf icy reali t y th at h its when the openi ng bell is nca r. At the weig h stat ion reality sunk in one step deeper when we saw C hen Zc-Cheng and his team-the do mi nant school in t he world. He was t he gu y who had beaten me two years earl ier and whom I had been preparing for all th is ti me. I walked ove r and said hello, and Chen told me t hat he was competing u nder 7 5 ki los (1 6 5.3 pou nd s), t he weig ht di v ision be low me. I was shoc ked . I had spe nt two years 2.18

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Weig ht divisions were every five kilos, wit h Olen and women competing separately, O ver four t housand com pet itors from all over the world were m illing around, and t he stadiu m was mobbed with fans, ma ny of them chanting eu phonically in lang uag es I d id n 't und erstand. It was a g reat, li lti ng , hypnotic sound. Acres awav, on t he far side of rhe arena, balletic 'Iai Chi form com pe ti tion was ca ki ng place. Blood and medlcanon were coexist mg. My first match wo uld be Moving Step. T he ru les, sim p ly pm , are as follows: Pl ay begins from comccr-c-rh is is a grapp ling competitio n like wrestl in g o r jud o, so srri k ing is supposedly not encou raged . The t arg et area is from rbc waist to j u st below the neck. You canno t lock your hand s behi nd someone's back ur g rab t heir clot hes, ot herwise play is w ide open . You gai n one po int fo r r hrow ing the g uy out of ehe ring, rwo points for a d ean t hrow where rile opponent hi ts t he floor and you are standing . O ne poi nt for a t hrow whe re you go down on top of the oppo nent. Ma rches are t hree rounds, rwo mi nutes playi ng rime each . If someone leads b}" four po in rs in a rou nd, it is over. Two our of t h ree rounds wins and if rounds and points are even by the end of t hree rounds, the lighter g uy wins . T hat rarely happe ns, but if the Bu ffalo a nd I st ayed healthy and managed to m ake It into the last rou nd, it could g ive me a ti ny edge. My first Moving Step op ponent was strong, fast , and aggress ive. H is speed su rp rised me-a very g ood athlete. All t he players from the mp Taiwanes e schools have a way of putt ing the cardio 100<1 on the oppo nent and draining him wit h subtle p ressure and leverage. They have excellent pum mel ing recluuques, which mea ns [hey know how t o rake insid e position wit h rheir for ward arm in the cl inch . Im ag ine an op ponent's left foot forwa rd, lefr arm deep under

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my armpit and wrapped around my back or up my shoulder. Th at is an underhook. Pummeling is the fight for tha t position. T he inside arm tends to give more lever age and sligh tly better angles for throws. If a p layer has "double inside position -, it means that he has u ndcrhooks on both sides. Th is is considered ro be very udvanrageous in all g rapp ling arts. If you ever hear martial arris rs calking abo ut a "pum meling war" they don't mea n that t wo people a re d ohherillg one another, b ur t hat t hey are fi}o; h ring for und erhooks. It tu rns out that pu m meling would be a huge componen t of m y roumamenr strategy. You may recall t hat I hun my rig ht sho ulde r ligh ting Chen Ze-Cheng in t he semifinals of the 20()2 World Championships. Since then, t he shoulder has been rn)' Ach illes heel. Abour three mon t hs before t h is year's Taiwan tou rnament, the 2004 Worlds, Da n came upon an interesting method in training W henever I had the right side u nderhook in the clinch, he would damp dow n on m y elbow from the outside in a manne r rhar JUSt killed my shou lde r. After wee ks of pain, I dec ided co concede rhe pummeling war and rake double outsi de pos ition in training co avoid damaging t he shoulder any further. W h ile I initially fel t at a disadvanrape ).;ivin).; Dan the u nde rhooks, over ti me I became increasing ly comfcrreble. I came up wit h some subtle ways ro cri mp h is leverage an d I found t hat I ( mid make the ang les work for me. In my fi nal ten weeks of preparuno n. whe n rrairung wit h anyone other rhan Dan, I fclr completely dominant from the outside posi tion . M y weakness had blossomed into a weapon tha t would pr ove critical for me in Taiwan. You see, t he Taiwanese are lig hrm ng -
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t hey were so used to fi ght l1lg for, I rrutigarecl a large part of t heir training: the p ummeling war. T hen we would do battle in t he setup I had become expert in, and that t hey hadn't stud ied as deeply. T his hap pens all the time in chess at t he highest levels; top players d iscover hid den resources in opening positions that had been co nsidered t heoret ically wea k. The}' become maste rs ofa forgone n or und iscovered bat tleg rou nd and (hen g uide opponen ts into (he hriar parch. So my fi rst oppo nent was very a).;gressive but noth ing he brough t felt dan gerous. His pummeli ng was excellent and he came at me wit h t remendous con fidence, but once I locked d own on him fmm rhc outside his st ructure fclr a little unsou nd, like a grand house wit h a t1awcJ foundation . I knew that if I weat hered his early arracks, I'd be fine. I crimped his attempt s to use the u nde rhooks and edged him o ut of the ring a co uple of times. I went up rwo points in found one and just held the lead . Th en I warched t he Buffa lo. Wo w! f its! he blew t he other fi gh ter our of the ring . Then, Iighcning-quick. he t rappe d hoth of the opponent's arms u nder his left armp it , took the g uy's back , and fl ipped him ove r a deep leg. He manhandled the g uy, and looked unbeatable. At one poi nt after a t h row it looked as if he would fall b ut he somehow did a full split, caug ht himself, wit h heel and toe, and just pop ped back up, getti ng t he full t wo points. T his was my man. I had to find a weakness but d idn 't see it. My next ma rch was Fixed Step. Not much pmhlcm , except tOr the judges. Many points that [ won , the scorekeeper didn't record. T his Will; infu riating but also hilarious. Imag ine, the referee would signal t hat I'd won the point hut the scorekeeper would neg lect to write it d own as it be'd forgotten or hadn't nonccd. T his happe ned again and again. My

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te-am mates and father we re screa ming about it, b ut noth ing was done excep t that offici als would nod to t hem wi th placid sm iles. It hap pened to every fo reig ner in t he tourn amen t, sometimes decisively Th is was t he way they kept score here. T heir couo cry. Nmbing ro do bur SCOTe more po ints and keep the static our of my head . Against m ost gu ys the judges couldn't really hu n me. But in t he fi nal rou nds when ' we were evenly matched, there WQ ul,1he lude margin for error. I cried not to thin k abo ut it. Whcnc>Yer I had a break I warr hed the Buffalo, I II' won his poi nts e'isily. H e had fine technique b ut he was ,1150 m uch more powerful t han h is opp :menrs. I II" could blast most guys right ou r of t he ri ng In a fl urry of exp losive aggression. But I starred to sense some small vu lnerability. M aybe. H e was tech nically sharp w ith d azzli ng footwo rk, speed. and a d eep ly rooted stance, b ut someth ing abou t hi s structure teased me. In my next Fixed Step m atch I faced off with t he top guy from the schoo l from Tainan t hat is t he mai n rival to Chen zc-C bcog's ream . T hey arc fierce compet itors, like sold iers, scrong , fast, weU t rained , p ure agg ression. All signs po inted to a war, b ur we cou ched hands and I knew I had h im . You can read a lot about a marrial arrest from t he ope n ing conran . Great ones fed mou ntainous , like the earth is m ovi ng inside of t he m. O t hers ring m ore hoUow. H e bo un ced right off me on the first couple of points. T hen I scarred m ixing th ings up and he cou ld n't keep up wit h the tact ics I th rew at hu n . I won the fi rst two rounds hy a h ig marg in , no injuries. March over. I watched the Buffa lo compere ag ain in f ,xed and he was overwhel m ing ag ainst a lesse r opponent , b ur I had th is bu ilding feel ing rha r the re was somet hing a liule wrong wit h h is fou nd ati o n. H e was so physicall y

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TIlE ART O F LEAR:-l II\"G

gi fted th at It was easy to stand gap ing as he tossed t he g uy (() rhe floor left and rig ht, b u t he seemed to be cove ring something up w ith all the flash . I wasn 't sure why or how, b ur in Fixed he felt morral. In Moving Step , he seemed u nsto ppa ble. D ay one was over and I wasn 't in ju red. T his is a lo ng tou rnamen t , a m arat hon of sp rin ts . Almost all of t hese mart ia l arts compet it ions last on ly one day because players' bodies usually break down after rhar . You can p ush th roug h vi rt ually any t h ing in ~ig h t o r te n hours , b u t t he n the inj uries burrow ill overnight and you can't walk or lift your arms in t he mo rn ing. This tou rname nt is t wo days. You have to win on Saw rdar wi t hout getti ng badly hurt to have a chance ro become W orld Cham p io n on Sunday. I wen t to bed liste ni ng to the rai n outside m }' window, and I dreamed. abou t the Ruffalo .

+

DAY 2

Sund ay morning, 8 A. M. W e arrived at t he stadi um in t ime for li n unhappy surprise. The Taiwanese officials had created a separate tournam ent for fo reigners and scheduled to run It befi l r~ rhe championship rou nd s. I was informed that participatio n was man da tory, r asked whether t h is could ta ke place after the m ain eve nt and was told that it was impossib le. T his abs u rd tou rnament wi t h in t he tou rname nt clearly had the fu nctio n of exhausti og and inJu ring fore igners who were sti ll com peting for medals agai nst t he Taiwanese in t he Champ ionsh ip . A time-consuming p rotest ensued w it h a t remendo us Llngllage barrie r eventually being b ridged by my teac her, who fortu nately had so me weigh t. It was agrt>t-'<:i , 244

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finall y, that those of us who were still in the main com pet it ion could take parr after our final matches. I had two fig hts left in each division to win. First was Moving semifinals, agai nst the number one fighter from the rough Tainan school. Moving was his specialty and he came rig hr at me, elbows t ig ht in the pummeling, fasr, persistenr, purr ing the card io load on me. He arracked early and I circled out bur stepped on the line. My instincts were off-I thoug hr I was well in bounds, bur was wrong. On our mats at home I wou ld have been in. Bad move. Down 1-0. We went back at it. I let him push me ro the edge of t he ring , baiti ng him , and exploded into a reversal that put him inches from the line, bur he had a deep root and wouldn't go our. Then I switched gears and went on the offensive, pressu ring him, using the Anaconda technique I had developed three months earliet -inchi ng him our, surging , tightening the noose whenever he tried ro squirm away, clamping down when he exhaled . In the final seconds I caug ht him with a beautiful throw but my shoulder got jammed on the landing. I was on my back between rounds, breathing hard. This may have had a telling psychological effect. In preparation the last few months, we did a lot of interval training, building sprint time in the ring and working on recovery. We would play one-mi nute rounds with one-mi nute breaks between, somet imes goi ng fiftee n or twenty rounds like that, four of us playing, alternati ng play and recovery. My idea was to be able ro have a wild spri nt, drai n myself completely, and know I could come back in the next round even if I felt like death baked over. Interestingly, mont hs before the competit ion the organizers told us t hat there would be thirty seconds between rounds and we found out upon arriving in Taiwan that it was 245

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concerned . Dan and I were the only guys on our team left in the main draw and we sprawled on the mats wh ile teammates massaged our leg s, shoulders, arms. I put on my hood, sat in a corner, and hoped my body could hold om fo r three more matches; then it di d n't matter. They called me up for Fixed Step semis and it took a lot to walk over to the ring. My opponem was somebody I had been watch ing th roughou t the tournament-in his fort ies, barrel-

chested, serene, and powerfu l, the man had the feel ing of a samu rai . H e was older than almost all the compe tito rs, the only g uy his age still in the competition. I had watched him dispense with you nger, athlet ic opponents left and right, and he clearly had amazing skill. What I didn't know is that he was one of the most respected teachers in the world. The stad ium was load ed with his stude nts . I heard chant ing and knew it w asn't for me. Rou nd one. Our w rists connected and before the fi rst po int began he was working on me , taking space in that strange internal way some of these rare ones can. The ref said "Go! " I attac ked fast, met empty space, and flew into it. Down 1- 0 . This g uy had the stuff, the magic if there were mag ic in the martial arts. Next point I bounced off him. Powerfu l roo t. I could n't arrack him . I tried a lateral techn ique a nd won a point. H e blasted me once and then pulled me into a black hole. I was down 4-1. I tend to feel pretty invincible in Fixed Step, bur this man understood things abou t Tai C hi I had not yet discovered . The rounds in Fixed Step are th irty seconds Stop t ime (the clock is stopped after each poi nt). This is enough time fo r 15-20 fast exchanges. Not m uch time to figure things out. I sank deep on an attack and actually moved him backw ard. M y point, but a referee came over and said rhar the pomr 247

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while pulling him down with me. I could also crank left or right with it. When applied cleanly, it is disturbi ng to have this done to you because it feels like you're falling into a void and at the same time your wrist is exploding-no choice but [0 go dow n . I let him in, bear hug , put him on the floortWO

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He was up 5-3 but hadn't ever seen the bear hug before. I used it agai n, and spun him rig ht. Down 5-4. Now the judge came over and tried to mess with my head. He told me to adj ust my left-hand posit ion on the start ing posture-just psychological manipu latio n. I smi led at the ref and kept fighting . Bea r hug agai n. it 's even. N ow my opponent stepped off th e mats and came back with a d ifferent feeling . He was beginning to understand. He changed his left arm to crap m y right if I bear-hugged . He had answers and I had new variations. We were flowing now, moves comi ng fas t like speed chess in \Vashing ton Square Park. This Fixed Step ga me is a sublime experience. A t first it feels fas t and jolty, like a painful g oessing game, but then the play slows down in your mi nd . Over the yea rs, as I became more and more relaxed u nder this kind of fire, and as my body built up enough resistance that the blows didn't bother me. the g ame became completely mental. It almost always felt as thoug h I was see ing or feeling the action in more frames than my opponents , and so I could zoom in on the tiniest deta ils, like the blink of an eye or the beginni ng of an exhalation. \Vhen our wrists connected, I usually felt exactly what my opponent would come at me with, and I learned how to app ly the subt lest of pressures in order to dic tate his inte ntion . But this g reat Fixed Step figh te r imposed his own reality. I couldn't get in his head. O r every time I got in he kicked me back out. 249

THE ART OF LEAR NI N G

I tried [he bear hug again bur he jammed it. H e'd figured it out. My own teammates hadn 't learned how to parry the bear hug in cwo monrhs of work, This g u y cook second s, I was down 7- 5. without much rim e left in [he round. I faked a hard arrack, but [hen slipped in a right und erhook

and threw him away. I was down one point with 1.1 seconds lefr. I needed ro score fast and surged hard with a fourstrike combination that scored at the bell. Round one was a tie, barely. The second round is always pl ayed w it h [he left foor forward. For some reason my opponent's structu re did n'r feel

quite as solid with the legs reversed in the opening position. I began sinking deeply on my attack s, p layi ng with fein ts, eight combinations, and misd irection. I noti ced that if I faked in my mind, wirhour even m ov ing , he felr ir and responded. He was incredibly sensi ti ve co intention, so I scarred unbalancing him with invisible at tacks [hac I pulsed inro but didn't actually manifest physically. I was g en ing in his head. H e felt it and got aggressive, attacked hard . and blasted me away, But now I had him attacking, and I knew I had a deeper roo" I starred receiving hi s blows a nd bouncing h im off-won a bunch of poinrs. Then I m ad e [he mistake of coming straight in and he threw me on the fl oor-cwo points, If I lowered rh e sophistication of my game a hair, he destroyed me. H e slipped into a zone and at tacked hard. We were even with th ree seconds co go in [he round. I uprooted him with a fou r-prong combination, most of whi ch di dn 't act ually happen. T hen I took [ he next point at [he bell with a huge su rge and won [he round . Round three, righ t leg forward aga in, this was w here he liked it, bur me [00. We starred trading poi n ts , back and forth, a war. My ream was chanei ng Tiger. Tiger Bum" Yr, 250

TAIWAN

(Bruce used ro call me Tiger in the young chess days, and ir sruc k .) The rest of [he crowd was chaming in Mandari n. They loved h im, and I d idn 't blame [hem . Then I noticed a hole. He had found [he solution to my bear hug, [rapping my rig ht fo rward elbow so I couldn'r get outside of him-bur if I flashed m y mind ro [he bear hug, in jamming it he opened up his armpit ro inside pummeling techniques. I starred raking [he underhook and tossing him left and right. Every point I was playing with invisible feints which he somehow felr , and [hen I exploited his reaerions. Trippy idea. I was using his crazy perceptiveness against him . Finally I caught a throw where I gO( the right underhook and cranked him all [he way over and around me. He hir the ground hard . In [hat momem I felr a wave of sorrow-li ke I killed [he last un icorn . The march ended and we hugged. I told him he was an • • • insprrarr on.

* * * Fixed and Moving Step finals ahead, both agai nst [he Buffalo. \Ve'd been measuri ng each other for [he past rwo days. We both knew that this mammorh internati onal compecition wou ld come down [Q our own lirrle war. In Moving Step, he was a force of nature. He overwhelmed his opponents wirh bull rush es and highly evolved throws. His p um me ling was incredible. Dan and I had broken his game down and saw that he integrated very precise trips and sweeps into most of his throws. I had to neurralize his foorwork and power, nor get steamrolled our of [he ring, counrerpunch, and look fo r holes. That was [he plan. T here was a one-hour break before all rhe final marches. Fixed would be firsr, whi ch was good- I'd seen a weakness in Buffal o's srrucrure and was hoping [Q ger in his head 251

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rhe ti ~-break if we were even. At this point it is pu re gUts. Survival. You operate on another plane of reality, second co second. re lying on your training co keep you standing. T he round began and I held him off, then gave up the double underhooks and launched into a throw I've been working on for years and hadn 't shown yet at the tournament. I n apped his right arm under my left elbow, pulsed fo rward to provoke a reaction , and then turned left, rolling over my right shou lder and his trap ped right arm, all my weight pulling down and away from his root. He flew over me in a big circle and we went down hard, my shoulder into his ribs. Perfectly execured. but the judges didn't give it to me. I was too tired to be angry about it. They said we touched the floo r at the same time. H is ribs wouldn't ag ree. a score. I didn't have much left. Wi e fel t each ot her out fo r ten seconds , then he attacked , forced a lean, and sp un me on the mat , lovely t hrow. I'm down 2-0 . Trouble. GOlia dig deep. Find something. Now he c ha ng ed tactics and decided to hold m e off, stalling ou t the round . I searched for over a mi nute, spent; on t he video it looks like I gave up. My body went lim p , then I saw a hole and exp loded into the same throw they just took away from me, but at t he end I pushed off hard (inci-

d entally aga i ns r my a nkle, wh ich was turned ninet y degrees), arched m y back , and landed flat on him so they could n't argue, My paine , 2- 1. Need one more f rom somewhere, It felt like one of t hose video games where the endurance of the fighter is gone and you have to hold the other g uy off, survive the barrage, until you've recovered enoug h to g ive him one mo re shot. That's what I had to do, hold him off until I had a li ttle b it in me, and then put every ounce of it into a t hrow that had to be perfectly timed because if it didn 't work I might JUSt collapse. 257

THE ART OF LEARNIN G

Then I found a little opening. I go t into th e clinch , trapped his tig ht arm, faked forward, and d rove my wh ole being into a bicep throw. He went down, f landed on him. shoulder [0 ribs. The tying point . There were nine teen seconds left. All J hat' to do is hold hi'" off and J u-in. Except at this moment everyth ing turned very. very strange. Once again, the judges decided not to allow my t hrow. They claimed it was illegal. N ow people rushed onto the floo r, Americans and Taiwanese officials. OUf team had cameras shooting the match and soon a gaggle of officials and players from both teams were looking into video cameras. The stadium went berserk with ang er and confus ion . The judges convened, the president of the Taiwanese federatio n, my reacher Master Chen, my wh ole team, m y opponent's team, everyone on the mats looking at the videos. T here were fi fteen minutes of mayhem. bickering, politics. Interestingly, my opponent's coac h and his whole team

considered the ruling against me an outrage-they told me this afrerward. By all accounts my th row was legal. It was asronishing that hometown referees would do this in the final minu te of a match fo r the world rirl e. After a long d ispu te, the judges said t his challenge would have to be resolved after the match, Bur for now, I was down by o ne, th e throw would nor be counted, and the re were 19 seconds left. I had ro conti nue or I would lose by fo rfeit. \Vell , in those 19 seconds I gave it my all. I at tacked h im with eve rything I had, made the sit uation tota lly chao tic and cran ked into a th row t hat would have put him down in training, bur he gave up his body, literally. H is elbow bent all the way back; it was explod ing inside, but he wouldn't give up and stayed on his feet until the bell rang , Such heart! Then I JUSt sat d own and watched chaos take ove r, W it258

TAIWAN

nesses came from all over who had seen the clock run Out in round tWO when the judge had refused to allow the woman (0 ring the bell. There was a meeting held in the center of the stadium with videos shown to the president of the Taiwanese Tai Chi Federation , to the judges, to everybody. My opponent 'S coach, Chen Ze-Cheng's father, an honorable man, agreed with the president that this was wrong . They suggested a shared championship. I went over to the head referee and demanded a clear winner. Overt ime. I knew I could take him . The opposing coach agreed to a two-minute sudden death playoff to decide the World Championship. We would have internat ional judges. They went to find the Buffalo. For twenty minutes I paced the arena, red hOt- if there is a place beyond the zone, I was there. But it turned out that Buffalo's elbow was too severely injured. The ruling was a shared title in Moving Step. In a flash, it was over. No more battles to fight. T he martial fury subsided , and in its place came pain , mellowness and camaraderie. Buffalo and I swayed on the firsr place podium togethe r, huggi ng, and hold ing each other up.

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AC KNO W LE D G EM EN T S

My fathe r, Fredd y Wairzkin, has had my back through it all . Pop, I can't rhank you enough for all the love, patience, g uidance, and loyalty. You've been in my corner through thi ck and thin , and we both know I couldn't have done it without you. M om , you 're rhe g reatest mother anyone could ever d ream of. Karya, my gutsy dive part ner and baby sister, I am so proud of you . I love you guys. In our crazy Waitzkin way, we keep it together, I've been blessed with some wonderful teachers in my life. My Grandma, Stella Waitzkin, whom I miss terribly, taught me to listen. Shellie Sclan got me writing, Dennis Dalton and Robert Thu rman got me feeli ng . W illiam C. C. Chen taug h t me to let go. J ohn Machado has me rolling all over •

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M y dear frie nds and teammates, Dan Caulfield, Max Ch en , 10m Otterness, Jan C. Childress, Jan L. Childress, Trevor Cohen , and the Little Warrior: Irving Yee-thank you, gu ys, for helping me create our laboratory, We've got a long way to go. As for the bi rt h of this book, I am enormously indebted to m y agent Binky Urban, who was JUSt plain great. Thank ., Binky you so much for your patience and your VISIOn, I . My fabu lous ed itor Liz Stein believed in this book from 263

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