Keeland Vi - Made For You

Made for You Vi Keeland

This book is dedicated to my very own real life Sienna, you know who you are. The stories may have been changed, but the attitude is all you bitch! Thank you for being my best friend for thirty years! And for…. Letting our girls have mud fights while wearing pretty dresses….. And for….. Awesome puddle fights in the rain at OCR…. And for….. Teaching my baby girl to get up after falling and say “I tough” while wiping the dirt off of herself and sucking back the tears. And for….. Laughing for hours over nothing and 4am jogging after a trip to YOM…. And for….. Sticking your fingers down my throat when I was too drunk to walk home way back when…. And for….. Being as excited as me when I published my book….. And for….. 11am Bloody Mary celebrations And to…. Thirty more years of being best friends and a second generation of best friends for our kids!

Table of Contents Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Epilogue

Chapter 1 “Can I get you something to drink?” Startled out of my daydream by the perky flight attendant, it took me a minute to snap out of my thoughts. I stared at him blankly, hearing his words, but unable to register their meaning or respond. “I’ll have a vodka cranberry and she’ll have a merlot. You’ll have to excuse her, she’s spent the last two months fucking her brains out and now she’s going cold turkey for a few months. I think we’re seeing the first symptoms of withdrawal now.” Sienna smiled to the amused flight attendant, a tall, blond handsome twenty-something man closely resembling a Ken doll, but with a lot of femininity exuding from his stance. The cheerful flight attendant looked around for unwelcome listeners before leaning down and whispering back to Sienna. “Trust me, you two gorgeous ladies will not have any trouble finding a cure for that withdrawal in London. I take this flight four times a week, and I swear, the men from London all look like James Bond. And I mean the Daniel Craig from Casino Royale gorgeous Bond, not the should have retired three years ago Skyfall Daniel Craig-James Bond.” He winked and continued. “I’ll fetch your drinks, and when I’m done with my service I can give you ladies the 10-4 on some of the hottest night spots in London if you’d like.” I heard Sienna giggle and more words were exchanged but it was as if only my body was present, my mind had been left floating in Jack’s office that morning, where he had informed me that I was moving in with him, and I had agreed without coaxing. It was only four hours into the flight and already I missed him. I had no idea how I was going to get through four months without waking to Jack every day. My heart was torn in such a clash of emotions. I was excited at the opportunity to open on the European tour for one of my favorite bands, but my heart felt guilty for being excited because touring meant leaving the man I had come to love over the last few months — the man who still gave me butterflies when I looked at him, who made my skin break out in goosebumps when I caught him looking at me in that way that only Jack did. I looked over at Sienna next to me, watching her as she jotted down lyrics from her head on a napkin while ever so slightly swaying to the music I could hear streaming from her ear-buds. Having Sienna next to me made leaving easier, and I smiled, thinking back to how thoughtful my dominating, sexyas-all-hell man could be when he wanted to. Sienna McAllister had been my best friend since the third grade. We became kindred spirits on our first day in chorus when we realized we could sing in natural harmony together without so much as a

beat of music. Twenty years later, our lives had taken us down very different paths, but it had never dulled our bond. The last few months were a whirlwind of change. I broke my engagement to Michael and met Jack in paradise, during what was supposed to have been my honeymoon. I quit my job teaching music, left Boston, and moved to New York to sing again. Now Sienna and I were about to become the opening act for one of the most popular bands around. I stole another look at my wild and crazy best friend, laughing to myself as I watched her write on the inside of her hands. Apparently she must have run out of napkins. There was no one else on earth who could possibly get me through my heartbreak over leaving without Jack. When I left Jack at the gate earlier, I’d thought I’d be traveling alone. Sienna was scheduled on a flight later in the day because the flights had all been sold out. Our arrangements had only been made a week before, when we’d been invited to join the tour to replace another opening act at the last minute. Jack knew I would be upset when I had to say goodbye to him, so he had surprised me by upgrading both of our seats to first class on the same flight, where tickets were still available. Even though I was surprised and thrilled to find my best friend sitting in the second row waiting for me when I boarded the plane, finding out what Jack had done had sent me over the edge. His thoughtfulness pushed out the tears I had been holding back as I walked away from him. I opened my phone, rereading our last texts for the tenth time in the last four hours. Thank you for the amazing surprise! I can’t believe you got us on the same flight and upgraded us to first class too. You’re welcome babe. Couldn’t let my girl get upset alone on a long flight to London. You are so sweet, how will I ever thank you? Now there’s a first, don’t think I have ever been called sweet, babe. And I know how you can thank me…. Lol. Now there is the Jack I know, sweet gone, perv back. Call me when you get into the hotel tonight. Which hotel did they change you to? The Royal Chancery or something like that. Being scolded to turn off my phone now, call you tonight. Love you. I closed my phone, pulled out my iPod and let myself relax to the calming voice of Norah Jones. *** I woke up to the flight attendant announcing that we had to prepare for landing. I was surprised

that I had fallen asleep, but between the last week of marathon sex with Jack and stressing over leaving, I hadn’t actually slept well at all. I found Sienna sleeping next to me, music blaring from her ear-buds and a notebook with the airlines logo in front of her where she had apparently transcribed her napkin and hand notes. I gently tapped her shoulder, careful not to startle her. I had learned the hard way ten years ago that if I startled Sienna when she wakes, she wakes up swinging. Sienna woke up with a huge smile on her face that was contagious. She stretched her long curvy body out in her seat, her cleavage on full display as she raised her arms high, revealing her alabaster skin on her flat tummy sparkling with a diamond belly button ring. I saw our Ken doll flight attendant looking her way as she writhed in her seat, admiring her assets even though I was pretty sure he played for the other team.

Chapter 2 I was excited to find out that our hotel was in the heart of the city of London, although driving through London seemed to be a bit like driving through New York City. We could probably have walked the last ten blocks faster than the car drove in the traffic, but Sienna and I didn’t mind because it gave us time to soak in the city. We sat in the back of the car, both on the edge of our seats, glued to the windows, occasionally pointing out someone or something for the other to see. Our first five days were going to be spent stationary, at a hotel, before we officially joined the tour and started living on a bus. We had been sent a seven page typed itinerary that included everything from meeting with the tour promoters and photographers, to practicing with the backup band twice a day. Eventually we pulled up to a magnificent building and I was surprised when the driver announced we had arrived at our hotel. A white-gloved doorman opened our door and greeted us in a fantastic British accent. At the time I hadn’t yet realized that he wasn’t the one with the accent anymore. The bellman took our bags, while the doorman jumped to attention to present the hotel lobby to us. The grand lobby was surreal, an astounding palatial presence with a domed ceiling soaring at least five stories high. Sparkling crystal chandeliers reflecting light from the rich wood accents and golden gilded crown moldings bathed the room in an old, warm charm. Huge paintings, sumptuous fabrics, and warm cream walls wrapped the lobby in supreme opulence. As we made our way to the front desk, taking in the grandeur of the magnificent hotel, I noticed that all eyes were on us. I wasn’t sure if we stood out compared to the type of guests that the hotel was likely used to, or if the awe in our eyes had caught their amusement. I didn’t think I stood out that much, even if I was dressed entirely in girly pink, but something about the contrast of my girlish look with Sienna’s black, tight-clothes, high-heeled rock star look, made us an interesting pair. I was surprised when the woman behind the desk knew who I was, but chalked it up to the type of attention to detail that guests of a hotel of that type of stature would receive. “Good afternoon, Ms. St. Claire, welcome to the Royal Chancery. We are very excited to have you here.” The smiling woman handed me two room keys and an envelope. I thought it was odd that she was handing me keys before I even gave her my license and credit card. Weren’t we all trained to walk to the front desk and hand over our license and credit card? I started to fumble in my purse as I spoke. “Do you just need a license and credit card?” The smiling clerk looked amused, but smiled as she spoke. “No, Ms. St. Claire, that’s all been taken care of for you. Please just enjoy your stay and let us know if there is anything at all that we can do

for you. Mr. Walman, the hotel manager, will show you to your room, if you are ready.” I looked at Sienna and saw that she had the same perplexed look on her face. She shrugged her shoulders and gave me a look that said just go with it. So I did. The hotel manager gave us a history of the hotel on the way up to our room, and pointed out a few paintings that were apparently impressive, but which I had never heard of. We arrived in front of a double door suite on the top floor of the hotel, and I was beginning to think that the manager had made a big mistake. He opened the door and we entered a luxurious suite that looked like it took up half of the entire floor. There was a dining room table that seated at least sixteen and I could smell fresh flowers in the air. It reminded me of the presidential suite my mother and I had stayed in at Jack’s hotel when she came to visit. A light bulb finally flicked on in my dimwitted brain. “Mr. Walman, who owns this hotel?” The manager looked confused and more than a bit concerned. “Heston International Hotels, of course. Is everything okay, Ms. St. Claire? Mr. Cole instructed the staff to take care of anything and everything you needed. If this suite is not acceptable, I’m sure we can find one to satisfy you.” “No, no. I’m sorry Mr. Walman, the suite is beautiful. That isn’t what I meant. Thank you very much for taking such good care of us. I’ll be sure to let Jack, uh, Mr. Cole, know how well we were treated.” I watched as the manager’s face visibly untensed, clearly relieved at my praise. He smiled at me and nodded his head. “Is there anything else that I can get for you, Ms. St. Claire, before I depart?” I looked at Sienna, who raised one eyebrow and smirked as she spoke. “A bottle of tequila with a few limes and some salt would be nice.” The manager looked at Sienna and smiled, then turned back to me as he made his way to the door. “The bar in the living room is fully stocked. Mr. Cole instructed us to add a few extra bottles of tequila, but I’ll have some extra brought up with limes and salt anyway. If it’s okay with you, I’ll have some snacks sent up as well. You must be tired after your flight.” “That would be great. Thank you, Mr. Wolman.” I smiled, genuinely thankful for his suggestion. Before the door was even fully closed behind the manager, Sienna started in. “Holy shit, Syd. I am loving the perks that come with you fucking a rich handsome god.” I turned and smiled and found her wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “Does he have a brother for me?” We laughed and for the third time in one day, Jack had put a smile on my face and taken good care of me.

*** I powered on my phone to call Jack to let him know that we had arrived safely and found his response to the last text I had sent before turning off my phone for the flight. Royal Chancery is one of ours. I’ll let them know who you are. I smiled, thinking of the phone call that must have ensued, with Jack barking orders and scaring the shit out of his staff. The man didn’t do anything halfway. Over the last few months, I’d learned that Jack was direct and commanding in his business. He wasn’t rude, but when he asked for something to be done, there was clearly no room for negotiation. In fact, that was the way Jack was in every facet of his life, except when it came to me. With me he was patient and collaborative, but I could tell it was something he worked to achieve. Partnership didn’t come naturally to Jack, but he struggled to find a balance for me. Except in the bedroom. In the bedroom he reverted back to the domineering and commanding man that was innately him, but that was more than fine by me. We talked on the phone for almost an hour, and our conversation flowed easily, as it always did. I thanked him for the upgrade to the suite, and my heart melted when he responded by telling me what’s his was mine now. The only time I felt tension was when I mentioned the places that the flight attendant suggested. Jack got quiet for a few minutes, and I could tell he was struggling with the thought of my going out to clubs thousands of miles away. I tried to make him feel better by telling him that we probably wouldn’t have much time for clubbing with the crazy tour schedule, but I knew the damage had already been done. I’d planted a small seed somewhere in the back of Jack’s mind that would grow to visions of men hitting on me in a trendy club in London.

Chapter 3 The next few days were a whirlwind of tightly scheduled activities. The tour promoter had hired a handler to manage our activities and get us from place to place on time. We were photographed, measured, interviewed, lectured, trained and prepped for fourteen hours a day. I found moments to call Jack whenever I could but most of our conversations were short and rushed. Thursday evening we were finally supposed to meet up with Double Strife, the tour headliners, who were returning from the last of their shows in Belgium. I was anxious and feeling a little guilty for looking forward to seeing Justin again. Justin was one of the two brothers who fronted the band. Sienna and I had met Justin and Kyle Smith when we were all struggling new musicians trying to gather a following back in Boston years ago. We had all stayed friends, often playing the same venues, until Sienna moved to New York and I stopped playing a few years back. It was no secret that Justin had a thing for me back in the day. Even if he hadn’t confessed his feelings for me that one night when we had too much to drink after a show, I had already known he wanted me. But before that night I’d just assumed his want for me was physical. I was shocked at his sweet words which told me his feelings were much more than physical. But a few days after Justin’s confession, Michael proposed and my relationship with Justin changed. He was still friendly, but he kept his distance and was respectful of my new status. I had kept track of Double Strife over the years and watched as Justin transformed into the ultimate rock star. Every time I saw him in a magazine or on T.V., he had a different girl tucked under one tattooed arm, and a cigarette or guitar in the other. Women had always swooned over Justin and Kyle, but in the last few years Justin had emerged as the mega star as the band grew to iconic levels. I was sure it was because of his devastatingly handsome looks coupled with his cocky smile, ice blue eyes, and body covered in artistic ink. His look screamed bad boy and it seemed to make the women want him even more. As I got ready for Sienna and I to meet the band for the first time in years, I was riddled with emotions: guilt because I hadn’t mentioned to Jack that Justin had a thing for me years ago, and excitement to see the guys again. I knew telling Jack would only upset him, and I really didn’t want to worry him when I was thousands of miles away, so I had decided not to mention the past to Jack. Besides, it was a long time ago and Justin and I had both moved on. *** Sienna and I were at the bar, warming up with our usual tequila shot, when I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist from behind. I jumped from the touch and quickly swung my body around ready to

assault the offender, only to find Justin smirking at me with a cocky dimpled smile. “Still drinking tequila I see.” “Justin! You scared the shit out of me. You almost got yourself smacked across the face.” “Still feisty huh, blondie.” Justin arched an eyebrow, gracing me with the smile that made his fans drop their panties. I smiled and shook my head at his playfulness, only then realizing that he was still holding me close against his body. And it didn’t look like he planned to let me out of his grip anytime soon. I playfully smacked him and detangled myself from his arms, making my way to his brother to give him a hug as Sienna stepped in to greet Justin. “Kyle, it’s great to see you,” I said with sincerity. “You too, Syd. We are stoked that the four of us are back together. It’s going to be like old times — minus the barroom brawls at three in the morning. Well, that’s if this asshole behaves.” Kyle motioned to his brother. I had forgotten about how many fights Justin used to get into at the fleabag bars we played at years ago. We all laughed and did a celebratory tequila shot together. Oddly, even though it had been years since we’d all seen each other, there was a warm familiarity to the four of us, as if we had picked up right where we left off. *** It didn’t take long before word must have gotten out that Double Strife was at the bar, because the bar that had been almost empty when we walked in was suddenly filled with young women. Scantily clad young women in tight clothes, eagerly salivating in Justin and Kyle’s direction, looking like wolves about to pounce on their prey. Sienna looked around and saw what I saw. “I see you boys don’t have to work too hard for it anymore, do you?” She smiled as she motioned for them to look around the room. Kyle laughed. “I never thought I’d say this, but that shit gets old. The other night Justin had a woman rip open her shirt and display a full-face picture of him tattooed on her stomach. A few years back I wouldn’t have noticed the tat, since the woman had no bra on and a set of double-d’s, but instead of checking her out I found myself looking at the artwork and thinking I should get the artist’s number.” Kyle laughed and took a swig of his beer. Sienna turned to Justin, intrigued. “What did you say to the woman with your face on her chest?”

Justin went to speak, but Kyle beat him to it. “Say? He took her in the back and fucked her kneeling while she laid on the bed so he could look at himself while he gave it to her.” Sienna and I cracked up at Kyle’s response. I had forgotten how much the two brothers constantly busted on each other. It was one of the things that made hanging out with the two of them so entertaining. One was always trying to embarrass the other or put the other down. But it was usually all in good fun. I looked over at Justin and he was glaring at Kyle, obviously pissed at his brother for the story. It made me wonder whether the story was just Kyle teasing or if Justin really had slept with her. After a minute of angry glaring at his brother, Justin chugged his beer and slammed down the bottle. “Come on, you fucker, let’s go play a song so you shut the hell up.” Justin looked to me and Sienna, “You ladies remember the words to Gone?” Sienna jumped up. “Of course. I masturbated to it last week.” Her eagerness and playfulness seemed to bring Justin out of his mood. *** The hotel bar was more than happy to let us play two songs for the crowd. Although we hadn’t played anything together in years, even I had to admit we sounded good together. Justin and Kyle were more than happy to share the spotlight with Sienna and I, although I was pretty sure the mega-horde of women watching had no idea we were even in the room. By the time we were done, the bar was getting out of control. Swooning women were beginning to push to try to get closer to Justin and Kyle. The bar manager was kind enough to see the panic in my face and offered us a back exit through the kitchen that led us to an empty stairwell. We found our way downstairs and the four of us slipped outside and spent another hour lounging on chairs around the closed pool, talking about the tour. Even though we had only played two songs, we were all on a post-show high. Kyle told us about their mom coming to forty-two of their shows and we all laughed. I’d always thought it was sweet that Mrs. Smith had been the biggest supporter of her boys before they ever found success. When we were back in Boston, their mom could almost always be found during their show. She didn’t come early or linger after the show, but she was always there to support her boys. Eventually the conversation found its way to me and I took a few playful jabs about my decision to teach, leaving playing music for a few years. They all enjoyed taking their turn poking fun at my temporary insanity, and then the topic of Michael made its way to the forefront. “I have to say, Syd, I was a bit surprised that you agreed to join the tour. I would have bet that

Michael would have convinced you to stay back in Boston.” Kyle spoke matter-of-factly as he took a swig from the bottle of tequila he had managed to swipe from the bar before our exit. Sienna responded quickly. “Dude, they broke up a few months ago. You don’t have to be so polite now. You can tell her what an asshole that man was.” She reached for the bottle as Kyle passed the tequila to her. Kyle laughed. “No shit. Good for you. That guy really was an uptight dick. Right, Justin, you were never a big fan?” Kyle nodded toward his brother. I looked to Justin for his response and found him staring at me, a cocky smile on his face. Justin arched his eyebrows in my direction and held my stare before responding. “Yep, never liked that asshole. Always thought he didn’t deserve Syd.” Justin responded to his brother, but never looked away from me when he spoke, his famous sexy dimpled smile never faltered. For some reason, his response made me nervous. I stood, needing to extract myself from the conversation and the sudden intenseness of Justin’s stare. “If you are all done talking about me as if I wasn’t actually sitting here, I think it’s time for me to go get some beauty sleep.” Luckily, we slipped back into the hotel without getting noticed. But I saw there were at least two dozen women being kept outside of the main lobby by security when we ducked in through the side door. *** The night before we were to check out of the hotel and start our life on tour with Double Strife, we had planned to sit down and spend a few hours going through the tour schedule and our playlists. Sienna suggested that the guys come to our room so that we could have privacy. I was a little uncomfortable having Justin in our room for some reason, but since word had gotten out that Double Strife was staying at the Chancery, the hotel was a minefield of eager fans trying to get the attention of Justin, so it only made sense to meet in one of our rooms. The guys arrived together and were obviously confused when they walked in to our suite. “Holy shit, what did you ladies do to get a suite like this? I’ve been sharing a suite as big as your living room with this smelly asshole for the last few nights.” Kyle laughed as he spoke. I was a little embarrassed and not sure how to respond. But of course I didn’t have to think about it long because Sienna, as always, was ready with a response. “Didn’t we mention that Syd’s new boyfriend is a gazillionaire and owns this hotel chain?” Kyle’s response was sincere. “No shit. Good for you, Syd.” Justin, who was usually the first one with a sarcastic response, didn’t say a word.

We ordered dinner and, when Sienna told him our whole stay was comped by Jack, Kyle decided we needed dessert too. Before I knew it, the hours had flown by and it was almost midnight when my phone rang flashing a picture of Jack. I answered. “Hey.” “How was your day?” Jack’s voice was low and he sounded tired. “Really good, how about you?” I smiled at the phone and caught Justin watching me out of the corner of my eye. “Rough. Wish you were here with me to help work my stress out.” His voice was sexy and raspy. It sounded like he’d had a rough day and I instantly wished I was there to work the stress from his gorgeous body. “Mmmm. And how would I do that?” I teasingly responded, completely forgetting that I had an audience. “Excellent, we get to hear Syd have phone sex!” Kyle yelled in the background. “Who was that?” Jack’s low, sleepy voice was suddenly at attention. I gave Sienna and the guys the middle finger and walked to my bedroom for privacy. “That was Kyle, he was just kidding around. We are going over our set list.” “In your room?” Jack’s response was short. “It’s already becoming difficult to find privacy. The hotel is crawling with fans since word got out they were staying here.” “The hotel has conference rooms, you know.” “We aren’t hanging out in the bedrooms, Jack. We have either been sitting at the dining room table or on the couch. It really isn’t that different than if we were in a conference room.” My reasoning sounded logical to me. “Who is there?” “Kyle, Justin, Sienna and I” As I responded, I realized that it sounded worse than it actually was. Would I want Jack hanging out with a friend and two girls in a hotel room, even if the girls were people he did business with? “Syd, how would you feel if the situation was reversed and it was me in a hotel room with two women and a friend?” Even thousands of miles away the man still had the ability to read my mind.

“You’re right. I didn’t think of it that way. I wouldn’t like it at all.” I blew out a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding. Jack’s voice was tense. “I’ll let you go so you can finish your work before they wind up spending the night in your suite and I completely lose my fucking mind.” “I’m sorry, Jack. I didn’t mean to upset you. I love you.” “I love you too. Give me a call tomorrow.” Then Jack hung up. I felt a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. He had gone out of his way to make sure I felt comfortable by arranging our suite and how did I repay him? By entertaining men in it. I went back to the living room feeling deflated and all three of them shut up as I walked into the room. I didn’t think they could have heard my conversation. “What?” I asked, the question coming out a bit too defensive. Sienna went to speak, but Justin beat her to it. “I didn’t realize this hotel was part of the Heston chain, so I didn’t put two and two together until Sienna just told us who your boyfriend was.” I furrowed my brow, confused, waiting for the rest of the story. But Justin didn’t make me wait long for the rest. He had a sly smirk on his face as he said, “You don’t know who our tour sponsor is, do you?” I shook my head, further confused. Sienna spoke carefully, as if she was afraid to speak her words. “Heston International is the tour sponsor, Syd.” “What are you talking about?” “Heston is the money behind our tour, blondie. Without them, we wouldn’t have a tour. They were the ones that recommended you ladies fill in as the opening band — not that we didn’t think it was a great idea.” Justin looked at me, trying to gauge my reaction. It felt as though all the air had been squeezed out of my lungs. My chest grew tight and the room swayed a bit as I took in the meaning of his words. I lowered my head, embarrassed as I spoke. “I had no idea guys. I didn’t realize that we were bought onto this tour. “ Justin stepped forward and lifted my chin. “Bullshit, blondie. Don’t think that for one minute. He may have opened the door for you, but there is no way in hell that we would have brought anyone on who we didn’t think was good enough. You ladies kick ass, and that’s why you are here.”

I attempted a smile and shook my head to placate Justin. He was sweet for trying to make me feel better. I just needed to be alone and process what it all meant. I reached out and hugged Justin. “Thank you, Justin. You are sweet. I think I just need to get some rest and think about it with a clear head.” Justin nodded and the guys took the cue to leave. We agreed to meet in the lobby at 10am to board the busses in the morning. Once they were gone, I told Sienna that I had a headache and didn’t want to talk, but promised we could talk about it in the morning, I don’t know how long I lay in bed thinking, but the sun was coming up before I shut my eyes. My head was spinning. How could Jack stand in the background of my life acting like my puppeteer when he knew very well that I left Michael because I wanted to be my own person? Why did he want me 3,000 miles away?

Chapter 4 Not surprisingly, the next morning I was exhausted when Sienna woke me up with the smell of coffee and a breakfast spread large enough for eight. One of the reasons that she had been my best friend all of these years is that she never gave up on me. She’d given me my space the night before when I feigned a headache, but was not going to allow me to put her off much longer, when she knew I needed to talk about what we had learned the night before. By the time breakfast was over, Sienna had convinced me that however the opportunity may have been gotten, no one could succeed or fail for us. We should take it as a gift and show the world that we deserved the job we had been graciously given. I knew she was right, but it didn’t make the pain I felt from Jack’s betrayal hurt any less. I also knew what we were starting that day was no longer just about me, it was Sienna’s dream too, and had been unwaveringly since she had learned to talk. So, regardless of my hurt toward Jack, I was going to work as hard as I could with Sienna to make the tour a success. *** The three tour busses were enormous. The living arrangements for the tour used to have Kyle and Justin sharing a bus with two of the band members from the group who were dropping out, but now that Sienna and I were joining, the arrangements had been reworked so there were now separate busses for the guys and for the girls. I had wondered if we would be sharing a bus with Kyle and Justin, and I was secretly relieved that we weren’t. Somewhere in the pit of my stomach I sensed that Justin still had some feelings for me, and it would have made me uncomfortable sleeping so close to him. But after what I had learned last night, I wondered if the separate bus situation had actually been arranged by Jack. We loaded our luggage into our bus and Justin gave us a tour of all three. The first two held the talent, the last one held the equipment, and Justin told us that occasionally some people from the tour company or road crew would join. Justin asked us to ride along in their bus for the day so that we could finish up our playlist and talk about the next few shows. The back of the bus was separated by a door and held four cubbies and a private bedroom. The cubbies were each separated by a curtain and had two bunk-beds. The back bedroom was small, but it held a queen size bed without any room for walking around it. The front of the bus had seating arranged that made it feel like a small living room. On the right side a long leather couch faced a TV. On the left side were individual seats that could be swiveled and locked into place. It was nearly noon by the time we were loaded and ready. I wasn’t surprised when my phone rang

just as the bus started to roll out of the hotel parking lot. It was early evening back home, and Jack usually called me after work. I looked at the phone and saw Jack’s picture. I hesitated for a minute, then pushed the button to send the call to voicemail. When I looked up I found Justin watching me, a flirty cocky smile on his face. *** By the time we arrived at our destination in Berlin, I had pushed the button to send Jack’s call to voicemail at least a half dozen times. I couldn’t explain why I was avoiding his calls, I just knew I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. I wasn’t sure if I was afraid to find out that he wanted me somewhere else, or if I was more afraid that I had no intention of leaving him even if he was controlling my life. Whenever I thought about it, the one thing I couldn’t even let myself consider was letting him go. I was completely and utterly in love with the man and scared to death of what I would do to keep him. Sienna and I were both up at the crack of dawn the next morning, even though we had only fallen asleep a few hours earlier. There was an excitement in the air between us, knowing that we would be on stage in front of thousands of people for the first time in just a matter of hours. The bus was parked at the stadium where we would perform later that evening, and we were told that there was a car available to shuttle us locally to anyplace we needed. Sienna and I decided to go out for breakfast; it was both of our favorite meal of the day. Many of our best memories came from breakfasts we’d had in diners while still being up from the night before. In the car on the way to the diner, Sienna squeezed my hand as I looked around, seeing Berlin for the first time. “He called me last night when you didn’t answer.” “What?” I was confused at first. “Jack?” “Yes, Jack, you birdbrain. Who else would I be talking to you about with kid gloves on?” “Did you answer?” “Yes.” My head snapped to Sienna, glaring at her like she had just committed the ultimate girl crime. “Why would you do that?” “Because someone needed to grow a pair.” I just looked at her with my mouth hanging open, speechless for a full moment. “What did you tell him?”

“I told the truth — that you were upset because you found out that Heston was the tour sponsor,” Sienna said very matter-of-factly. “And what did he say?” “He sort of didn’t say anything. He kinda growled at me and then his exact words were, and I quote, ‘What. The. Fuck.’ She punctuated each word in the same way that I knew Jack would have, actually pausing between words to get his point across. I couldn’t help but smirk at her imitation of Jack. But my reaction just goaded her on. “Sydney. What. Would. You. Like. For. Breakfast,” she said in the same pattern that Jack would have said, What. The. Fuck. And her deep voice impression wasn’t that bad either. We both laughed hysterically, the first real laugh I’d had in the last twenty-four hours, which may have been a record for time spent with Sienna without laughing soda through my nose. Our eyes were still tearing from laughing so hard when Sienna could finally speak again. “Seriously, Syd, you know I was worried about you jumping into anything so soon after Michael, but that man fucking loves you. I know it in my bones. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt you intentionally. You need to talk to him.” As usual, my best friend who had a losing track record for relationships with men, was spot on in giving me relationship advice. “Thanks, Sienna.” I squeezed her hand. When we arrived at the diner, I asked Sienna to grab us a table and stayed outside a few minutes thinking of what to say before I called Jack. After I had composed my thoughts, I called, but it went right to voicemail. I decided not to leave him a message because my thoughts were too complicated to be expressed on a voicemail and I knew whatever I said would come out all wrong. *** Throughout the day, I tried Jack’s phone a few more times, but each time the call went to voicemail. I was starting to get nervous that he was avoiding me after I had avoided him. I knew he wasn’t happy that I’d had Kyle and Justin in my room the other night and then I had avoided his calls, which likely only pissed him off even more. Although I was confused about some things between me and Jack at that moment, there were two things I was certain of. One, I loved that domineering man with all of my heart. And two, Jack was going to be wilder than a freaking tsunami when we finally did catch up to each other. *** Even though I was anxious and edgy throughout the day, I was oddly calm when it was time for us

to hit the stage for our first performance. Our act consisted only of our original songs, so the audience was hearing them for the first time, which made it difficult for them to really latch on to. Audiences tend to like shows where they can sing or hum along; it makes them feel like they are part of the show. But after our forty-five minute opening act, the audience was generous in their applause and we were excited to have played our biggest arena ever. Sienna and I watched Double Strife from the side of the stage, dancing and singing along. The crowd loved them and it was incredible to hear so many people singing along with different accents. Their last song for the night, Gone, was the one we had all sang together at the bar a few nights earlier. As the song began, the crowd sang along to every word. The arena was electric and I was in awe just watching from the side of the stage. A few lines into the song, I saw Justin look over to where we were standing and stop playing. “You know what would make this song a lot better, Kyle?” Justin asked playfully — the two brothers had a great on-stage dynamic. “If you would let me sing it alone for a change?” Kyle quickly responded, quietly playing the guitar riff for the song still in the background. Justin smiled at the crowd and shook his head, the screams of the girls ratcheted higher. “This guy’s lucky he is my blood or I’d kick his ass.” He laughed with the audience. “What this song needs is a sexy chick, bro.” Justin lifted his chin in the direction of where Sienna and I were standing, and Kyle looked over and smiled, picking up on what his brother was planning. Justin pointed to us and crooked his one finger, beckoning Sienna and I to the stage. Sienna and I returned to the stage and the crowd roared in response to Justin saying that we needed some encouragement to join them for the final song. Justin silently motioned to Sienna to join Kyle at the microphone and crooked his little finger for me to move closer to him. The crowd went wild, watching it all play out on stage. The man oozed confidence on stage and his simple act of calling me over with just one finger came across as oddly sexual. When Justin had the crowd in exactly the frenzy that he wanted, the band started playing the song again from the top and the four of us sang our hearts out as if we had been doing it together that way forever. After the show, the four of us were on an insane post-show high cocktail of happiness and adrenaline and were definitely not ready to call it a night. We snuck out to the closest bar and celebrated with a round of tequila shots. We were laughing and enjoying ourselves, about to do our second round of shots, when I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist. My whole body ignited and I didn’t have to turn to know who it was. Jack’s simple touch lit my entire body on fire. I turned and looked up at him, his gorgeous green eyes staring back at me as if I were the only one

in the room. For a split second I was nervous about his reaction to my having had men in my room, nervous about how he would explain why he didn’t tell me he was the sponsor. But then I saw how he felt about me in his eyes and I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly and pulled his mouth down to mine, devouring him in a kiss. A kiss that told him everything that I felt. I don’t know how long it lasted, but it was definitely at least a few minutes before we broke, both coming up panting wildly for air and smiling. He leaned down so that his face was in my neck and lifted me up off the ground for a hug. His arms wrapped so tightly around me that it was difficult to breathe, but I didn’t care. The warmth of his breath so close to my ear coupled with the quiet sound of his uncontrolled growl sent a shiver from the tip of my toes straight through to the swell growing between my legs. When he finally put me down, we found my three friends watching intently. For a few minutes I had completely forgotten there was anyone else in the room but us. I looked up, embarrassed, to find Sienna was smiling like an idiot. Kyle looked intrigued at my reaction, and Justin was glaring at us. Kyle smiled kindly as he spoke. “I hope this is your boyfriend, Syd?” “Sorry, yes, this is Jack. I had no idea he was coming.” I stared up at Jack, smiling excitedly. “I can’t believe you’re really here!” Jack pulled me possessively to his side, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist as he spoke. He extended his free hand to Kyle. “Jack Cole.” Kyle nodded and smiled back. “Kyle Smith. Good to meet you, man.” Jack leaned down to Sienna and kissed her on the cheek, whispering something into her ear that made her smile and giggle. Then he looked to Justin and extended his hand. Justin took a second too long before taking Jack’s hand. “Justin Smith.” Jack nodded and I watched, noticing his reaction was different to Justin than to Kyle. Something passed between them unspoken. Not good. After a few minutes of exchanging pleasantries, Jack asked Sienna. “What time do I need to have her back tomorrow?” Sienna smiled, “Afternoon?” She redirected the question to Kyle and Justin with a look and an arched eyebrow. Justin responded with an edge to his voice. “Early afternoon. I want to rework your set list.” Jack turned to face me, a slight smirk on his face. “Ready to go, or do I carry you out of here?” I

knew he would do it, because he had done it before in the middle of a bar when I didn’t start leaving fast enough. I furrowed my brow to him in challenge and he responded by raising his eyebrows, daring me to question his intentions to carry through with his threat. I laughed and shook my head. “Goodnight, guys.” Jack had a car and driver waiting out front. He gave the driver the name of a hotel and grabbed my hand tightly, lacing our fingers as he settled back for the drive. I turned to speak to him, but before I could get out two words, his mouth was on mine. We were oblivious to the fact that we had pulled up at the hotel until the driver cleared his throat to catch our attention. We weaved our way through the hotel halls in a frantic quest for Jack’s room and privacy. As usual, I followed a few steps behind Jack’s long strides, struggling to keep up with his pace. We arrived at his room and Jack put the key in, opening the door for me to enter before him and then following me in grabbing me firmly by the hips as he walked us to the bed. The back of my legs hit the bed and Jack’s lips covered mine urgently. Our mouths pressed tightly against each other as our tongues collided with insatiable need. Whatever needed to be said was going to be expressed, the words would follow later. He pulled my shirt over my head and relieved me of my bra before I had even realized I was half undressed. He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he took my taut nipple into his mouth. I felt the sharp sting of his teeth as he bit down firmly, pulling my body tightly against his. I felt his thick arousal press into me and a moan escaped at the sensation of his hardness pressing firmly between my legs. Jack took my mouth again, pulling me into a kiss so passionate that it bordered on violent. He leaned forward and lay me on the bed, removing the rest of our clothes in a frenzy. When we were both bare, he hovered over me, his thick arousal pressing firmly against my clit as he ever so slightly moved up and down, massaging my most sensitive nerves. His forearms framed both sides of my head and his thumbs gently stroked my cheeks as he continued his slight movement that had me on the brink of ecstasy. “Tell me,” Jack growled, his face an inch away, his eyes searching mine. “I belong to you, Jack.” My words came out breathless. Jack growled as he pushed himself inside of me, burying himself to the hilt in one long, strong stroke. He stayed buried deep for a moment, unmoving. Each second that ticked by, my body longed for release. I had been so close to my release and being so full pushed me so near the edge that it was unbearable. “Jack, please move for me.” Jack’s response was to tighten his grip on me and roll us so that I was on top of him. I was

relieved that I would be able to find the friction that I so desperately needed. Jack loosened his grip on my back, allowing me to rise and sit on him, controlling my own pleasure. “Ride me, babe. I need to watch you.” He didn’t have to ask twice. I began to gyrate my hips in small circles, keeping his thick, hard cock firmly planted inside of me. Each time I circled, his length hit a spot on the inside of me that felt like heaven. My slow gyrations became more pronounced until I was on the edge. One more circle and I knew I would be over, but I wanted Jack to take the ride with me. Together. I stopped and rose up on my knees, using my thighs to support my weight, and then squeezed and slammed back down, seating him until my wetness was flush against his skin. “Fuck, Syd,” Jack growled, tightening his grip on my hips and lifting me again, before I slammed down on him yet again. My eyes shut and my head fell back as I quickened the pace, riding him firmly up and down, up and down, each time taking him fully inside of me. “Syd,” he growled softly once again, as one of his hands reached up between my legs, finding my clit with his thumb. He pushed down gently and massaged small circles in the same rhythm that I moved up and down along his long shaft. My eyes closed as my orgasm began to tear through me. “Open your eyes.” My eyes opened to find his gaze and he watched as my orgasm washed over me as I said his name over and over. “Beautiful, babe.” When he saw my orgasm had begun to ebb, Jack held me firmly in place, one hand on each side of my hips as he lifted me almost completely off of him and brought me down harshly as he thrust forward into me with three quick deep thrusts. Only then did he allow himself his own release. I felt the heat of his semen shoot into me as he emptied his body and filled mine deeply. *** The next morning started out the same way that the night had ended, with Jack inside of me. I knew we needed to talk, but since the day Jack and I had met we communicated our feelings in more than just words. The night before had been about raw emotions and need. But the next morning was about making love and giving to each other. It was almost noon before we were satiated long enough to keep our hands off of each other. Anyone looking in on us from the outside would have sworn we were lovers kept apart for months, but the reality was it had only been a week since we had last seen each other.

We lay in bed, each on our side, facing each other. Jack tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear and then gently caressed my cheek as he spoke, his voice soft and tender. “Let’s start with the easy stuff, babe.” I nodded my head in agreement, although I wasn’t quite sure what part of our discussion was going to be easy. “I can’t handle the thought of another man in your room. I actually can’t handle the thought of a man within fifty feet of you, but I do my best to keep my temper under control. I can’t keep it under control when I’m thinking about a man near you in a hotel room.” Jack’s voice was low and intense, but yet calm and controlled at the same time. “I get it now. It was innocent when it happened and that’s why I never even gave it any thought.” “Babe, there is nothing innocent about the way Justin looks at you. He wants you.” Jack’s thumb stopped moving and he stilled for my response, keeping my eyes locked with his. I went to speak twice, each time taking a breath and beginning to form words, but then thought better of them. Jack and I didn’t lie to each other and I had no intention of starting when I was going to be spending months away from him. “I know he had a crush on me years ago, but that was a long time ago, Jack.” I watched Jack’s jaw tightened and a small throb in his cheekbone clenched. “He had a thing for you?” “Yes, but nothing ever happened. He told me how he felt and then a few days later Michael proposed and he was respectful of my commitment.” “He still has a thing for you.” “You don’t know that. You met him for all of five minutes, Jack.” “I knew it in three seconds from the way he looked at you, babe. You’re kidding yourself if you don’t see it.” I was quiet for a minute, thinking. “So no boys in my room, especially Justin. I can handle that. What else you got?” I pushed my chin up high. Jack smirked and his eyebrows raised in amusement at my response. “Glad you can handle it, babe.”

“What else is on your agenda to discuss?” Our conversation was beginning to feel like a negotiation. “I think you have something you want to discuss with me, something you should have talked about instead of ignoring my calls.” My happy face disappeared. “I’m sorry about ignoring the calls. I just needed some time to think.” “You can’t shut me out when you get upset, babe. I was climbing the walls for ten hours while I traveled to get to you.” “I sort of freaked out a bit when I found out.” I bit my bottom lip at my admission. “We’re back to the original problem now, babe. Freaked out about what? You never even gave me the benefit of the doubt and asked me what you thought you knew.” One eyebrow rose and the crease between my eyebrows deepened while my nose wrinkled, conveying my sense of confusion. Then my eyes widened as I realized what Jack was trying to tell me. I had never stopped to think maybe it wasn’t true, I had never even asked him before making a major leap. “Ah, now she gets it. Let’s back it up. Ask me what you think I did.” “Oh my God, Jack. Are you the tour sponsor for the Double Strife tour?” “No.” “But … but, the tour is sponsored by Heston International. I saw it myself on the signs backstage last night.” “The tour is sponsored by Heston International. The hotels I own with my father are Heston International Hotels. Heston International is my father’s company. I had no idea that he was the tour sponsor until Sienna told me what you were upset about and I did some digging.” “Oh my God, Jack. I am so sorry.” “Apology accepted, babe. But next time just ask. I’ve been honest with you since the day that I met you.” “I’m sorry, baby.” I wrapped one hand around Jack’s neck. “You’ll make it up to me.” The corner of his mouth twitched upward. “I’d love nothing better than to make it up to you.” I jumped on top of Jack and littered his face with a hundred tiny kisses all over. Then I sunk down

under the covers and lowered myself to start to make it up to him.

Chapter 5 I really didn’t want to leave Jack that afternoon, but Justin had texted me to remind me to be at rehearsal early because he wanted to go over our set list again. I caught Jack’s jaw tense when I mentioned the text from Justin, but he didn’t say anything more about him. Jack had to leave the following day and it killed me not to spend all day and night with him curled up in bed. Before I left for rehearsal, Jack told me he had some work to catch up on, but that he would meet me at the show later that night. I arranged for him to pick up a backstage pass and Jack had the car service from the night before bring me to the arena. *** As the show time drew near, I was both excited and nervous that Jack would be there to watch me. It was funny how I didn’t get nervous about how an audience of 30,000 people who had paid to see a different opening act would react, yet one man could unravel my nerves. Sienna and I opened the show and, for the first time, I noticed that some people sang along with our songs when we repeated the chorus. The crowd was lively and I wasn’t sure if the elation I felt as we closed our act was from the energetic crowd or seeing Jack standing off to the side of the stage watching me. I went right off the stage into Jack’s arms. I couldn’t wait to share my excitement with him. “How did you like it?” I bounced up and down on the balls of my feet with exhilaration. I normally had a post show adrenaline rush, but that night it was extra intense, I couldn’t even keep my body physically still. “I didn’t think there was anything sexier than you underneath me, naked. But fuck, babe, I could watch you all night up there. You sing like an angel and move like the devil. A part of me wants to show you off to the world, but the other part wants to lock you up in our apartment and bolt the door shut.” Jack’s sexy half smile told me he wasn’t kidding, at least about the part of wanting to lock me up. I was floating on a cloud for the next few hours as Jack stood behind me and held me for most of Double Strife’s concert. He held me possessively, with his arms wrapped around my waist, his front tight to my back during the slow songs. Then Sienna and I danced around like drunk teenagers to the faster ones. The way Jack watched me made me feel special and adored and I was glad that he had seemed to forget his initial feelings toward Justin and could enjoy himself during the show. At the end of the show, Justin and Kyle exited the stage where Jack and I were standing. Kyle smiled and nodded, but Justin’s show smile seemed to have disappeared. They talked to their manager a few minutes and then, when the crowd was yelling loud enough for an encore, they went out to play one last song.

I wasn’t surprised when I heard the first few notes, as they seemed to have made a habit of closing with Gone. It was definitely a fan favorite. But as the guitar intro came to a close, and the singing was just about to start, I saw Justin look over at me and smirk. Then he stopped playing and the two of them did a repeat of their onstage chat about how having hot chicks sing with them would make it better. I felt Jack’s hand tighten on my hip when Justin crooked his finger in my direction, beckoning me to the stage. I turned to Jack before leaving and gave him a quick kiss and an apologetic smile. Sienna and I joined Double Strife on stage and helped close the show like we had a few nights earlier. Only this time I noticed that Justin stood a little closer and touched my face while we sang the last verse to each other. The effect was good, even better than the first time we sang it together, creating a chemistry that the audience loved, but I knew without question that it would bother Jack. After the show, Jack was quiet, but agreed to go out for a post show celebration with the bands. Jack seemed to hit it off with Reed, the tour manager, and the two of them became engrossed in talking business while Sienna and I did our usual routine of tequila shots. I loved that Jack could go anywhere and talk to all different kinds of people. I never needed to stand at his side and keep him company. But no matter where we were, he always either had a hand or an eye on me. After our third tequila shot, which was one too many for me since I hadn’t eaten anything since early that morning, Sienna went out to dance and I turned and smiled at Jack, who was talking nearby to a few of the guys from the Double Strife band. He caught my glance and gave me a sexy half grin as he excused himself. “You’re looking happy,” Jack said, opening my legs to stand between them as I sat on a stool at the bar. I sighed. “What’s not to be happy about? My life is pretty perfect. I get to do what I love, and I have an amazingly sexy man that I can’t get enough of.” I wrapped my hands around his waist as I spoke. Jack smiled and our eyes stayed locked for a minute before he gave me a tender sweet kiss. I exhaled, still feeling his mouth on mine even after our kiss had ended. Never before in my life could I have described how I felt as a moment of bliss until that moment. Complete and utter bliss. *** An hour later I was on a path to sobriety, thanks to Jack who insisted I drink two bottles of water, which left not much room in my stomach for alcohol. But Sienna on the other hand looked like she had taken a different path, emerging from tipsy and heading for straight-out bombed. Jack and I laughed as we watched her hold court at the end of the bar with a couple of the guys from the band, and simultaneously blow off a handful of men as quickly as they attempted their pick-up.

Sienna found her way back down the end of the bar and ordered two tequila shots for us. She was oblivious to the fact that I was almost sober and she was half-past tanked. I wasn’t one to waste, so of course I joined her in the shot and found Jack looking amused as we licked the salt in tandem. Sienna was always a happy drunk, a happy chatty drunk that is. “I think I got one for our list tonight, Syd.” Her voice was slightly slurred. Even though it had been years since we had spoken about the list, I knew exactly what she was talking about. “I’ll be the judge of that. Share, my crazy friend.” “Hey, do you have a twin sister? No? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the world!” We both laughed at the bad pick-up line. Sienna and I had started a list of the worst pick-up lines years ago. Some of them I could still remember. “Worst pick-up lines list I assume?” Jack smiled and ordered another two bottles of water from the bartender. What was with him always feeding me water? I nodded and smiled at him, then raised an eyebrow. “Hey, are you selfish? No? Well if you’re going to have that body for the rest of your life, how about you let me use it for tonight?” Sienna laughed and hiccupped at the same time, causing us to laugh even more. “Can I borrow a quarter? What for? I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the woman of my dreams.” Immediately she followed with another hiccup. It was my turn. “Baby, you remind me of my big toe. Why? Because sooner or later I just know I’m gonna bang you on the table.” Jack raised both eyebrows shocked at the crassness of the lines we had actually heard over the years. It was Sienna’s turn. “Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?” All three of us laughed at that one. It was actually one of my favorites. My turn. “I’ll be Burger King and you be McDonald’s. I’ll have it my way and you’ll be lovin’ it!” Sienna hiccupped while laughing and then it was followed by a snort. She had no idea how amusing she was to watch as she diligently attempted to complete her sentences between slurs and hiccups. “Don’t forget our all time favorite, Syd.” Sienna and I spoke in unison, “Baby, if you were a booger, I’d pick you first!” Yes, there really was a man out there somewhere who had thought that doozy might help him get into my pants.

*** A little while later I had to talk Sienna out of another round of shots. She could certainly handle her alcohol, but she was teetering on passing her limit. Unfortunately, the only way I could talk her out of more shots was to agree to dance with her. The dance floor was pretty packed and I wasn’t sure it was a good idea to dance at 2am in the middle of a room full of drunk men with one bombed Sienna and Jack watching. It seemed like a recipe for disaster. We weren’t out on the dance floor for three minutes when the first guys approached. I politely blew them off and Sienna and I continued to dance by ourselves. A few minutes later, another attempt came. This time the guy put his hand on my arm when I tried to brush him off. The music was loud and I gave up on trying to scream over it, so instead I removed the man’s hand from my arm and pointed at Jack, who was staring at us like he was ready to kill someone. I was happy that did the trick, because Jack didn’t look like he had much patience left. Luckily, we made it through the next two songs untouched and I was able to convince Sienna that we should sit and have some water. We made our way back to an opening at the bar and Jack ordered us two waters. Kyle and Justin were sitting nearby. Kyle was talking to a pretty redhead, who had her hand on his chest as she giggled. A few seats down, Justin looked like he was stewing. The bartender came over to Sienna and I. “Two tequila setups?” “Two waters,” Jack responded sternly before either of us could speak. Sienna pouted at his response. A few minutes later, we were getting ready to leave when I heard Justin’s voice over the speakers. “I hope you all don’t mind, but I’d like to share a song I’ve been working on with you all. I’ve been inspired the last week, more inspired than I have been in years, and this song’s for my inspiration.” The women in the bar swooned and screamed and Justin had to motion down with his hands in order to get started. The song began slow and I was surprised that Justin had been working on a ballad. It wasn’t usually his type of thing. His voice was raw and beautiful and the song started out pretty. But when he got to the chorus, there was no mistaking he was staring at me as he sung. I’ve been traveling alone for so long. Somehow got lost on the way. But now that fate has found you. I realize my path led me back to you.

I didn’t believe till I saw you, But now I know that it’s true, Girl, you’re my fate, my future, my destiny I didn’t believe until I saw you But now I know that it’s true. No I didn’t believe till I saw you. But now I know that it’s true. By the time the song was finished, Jack’s grip on my hips was so tight it was painful. I was sure I would have bruises in the shape of his fingertips tomorrow. I held my breath as Justin took his applause from the stage and slowly made his way back to the bar near where we were standing. When Jack finally let up on the grip on my hips, I thought there might be a fight. But instead he surprised me. His grip loosened enough to turn me around to face him and then he kissed me. Hard. And long. It was a possessive kiss, one that told me Jack was staking his claim. But by the time it was over I didn’t care why he had kissed me, I just wanted more. Jack slowly broke the kiss and pulled his face slightly away from mine, my breath was still ragged. The man had an effect on me that I had never known could exist. He whispered into my ear. “You ready to go?” I nodded. Jack held my hand tightly as we said our goodnights and I was glad that Justin was nowhere in sight as we left. *** The next morning I woke to the sound of the door shutting and found a sweaty Jack holding a cup of coffee. I smiled, knowing it was for me, since Jack didn’t touch caffeine. Obviously, he was clearly insane on that issue. Then I noticed Jack’s white sweaty shirt stuck to his thick muscular chest and I can’t take my eyes off of him. Jack walked over to me and handed me my coffee and kissed me on my forehead. “Hold that thought. I’m going to take a quick shower.” His lazy smile was ridiculously sexy. I took a few sips of my coffee and smiled that it was just the way I like it. Then I thought of something better to hold than my thoughts, so I stripped off Jack’s t-shirt I was wearing and headed into the shower. Jack didn’t say a word as I entered the shower where the water was spraying over his perfectly-

toned body, but he watched me intently. I took the soap and washed him quietly, paying extra attention to the places that caused changes in his breathing. By the time I was done, Jack was anxious to start with my body wash. But I wouldn’t let him. Instead, I kissed him deeply and then slowly dropped to my knees in front of him, letting his thick arousal slide down my body, slipping unhurriedly between my wet full breasts as I made my descent . He exhaled loudly as I caught his wide head with my tongue and looked up at him through hooded eyes. I slowly licked his glistening tip while he watched intently. Gently, I sucked his swollen head as I swirled my tongue, then firmly licked down the underside. My lips glided smoothly over his thick crown and I surprised him by taking him deep into my throat in one long suck. “Fuck, Syd,” he mumbled, as he tangled his fingers tightly in my hair. I knew it was difficult for Jack to allow me to have control, and the thought of bringing him to the point where he lost control aroused me greatly. I needed to bring him to that point as much as he needed to find his release. I swallowed him down, keeping him deep in my throat, as I bobbed my head slightly, rising only two inches up his thick shaft before quickly sinking back down, over and over again. I reached up for his balls and squeezed firmly as I intensified the suction. I felt his thick length swell and his veins coursed as he hardened even more with each swallow. “Faster.” Jack’s voice was gruff and deep and I knew he was struggling not to take over control. I released him from my throat and licked my way back up to his wide crown and sucked as I stroked his wet shaft with my hand up and down in rhythm with my sucking. I teased with my tongue, licking him up and down the length of his shaft until Jack growled and tightened his fingers wound in my hair and pushed his shaft back into my mouth. I looked up and smiled devilishly and was rewarded with a deep growl and the rock of Jack’s hips. I was so aroused at the thought of Jack coming undone at my touch that I could feel my own clit throbbing. I swallowed him deep into my throat again until his long cock hit the back of my throat. Jack made a feral sound and held my head still as he began to thrust into my throat, taking over. He rocked in and out fast and furious, without allowing my head to move as he fucked my mouth with a carnal need. Any control that I had was surrendered and Jack took over with a fury. Yet I felt powerful for bringing him to the point where he could no longer surrender. Jack’s voice was low and gruff, and he sounded pained as he spoke. “I’m going to come, Syd.” I felt him release the tight grip he had in my hair, allowing me to pull away if I wanted. I loved that he always warned me, even though I had never pulled away. It was just a small part of the man who always put my needs first, even at the cost of his own desire. I took him down my throat even deeper as I grabbed his ass, silently telling him it was okay to release. Jack growled a feral sound as he began to spurt his

thick, warm semen down into my throat. I had to swallow a few times to keep myself from choking at the amount of fluid he released as he emptied himself inside of me. When his thrusts eventually slowed, I released him from my throat and slowly slid up and down the length of his still firm shaft, greedily licking at the very last drop of him. Jack reached down and lifted me up and kissed the top of my head. “Jesus, Syd, that was incredible. I can’t even watch you do that for more than a second or I won’t last a minute. You might have been the one on your knees physically, but you’re the one that brings me to my knees.” *** The rest of the day went by way too fast, and I found myself dreading Jack leaving that afternoon, even though I had to board the bus at five when we pulled out for the next stop on the tour. Barring any other unplanned visits, I wouldn’t see Jack for another two weeks, when we planned to meet in Italy for a three-day tour hiatus. We stood outside of the hotel saying goodbye until the very last minute that we could spare. Jack had arranged two cars for us, one to return me to the tour bus and the other to take him to the airport. I reached up on my tippy toes and kissed Jack’s mouth softly. “I’m going to miss you. I hate saying goodbye. I feel like we have said goodbye too many times since we met.” Jack kissed my mouth gently. “You go show the world the star I already know you are. But I want you back in our bed as soon as it’s over, so don’t forget where you belong.” Another sweet kiss, but I snagged Jack’s bottom lip between my teeth as he tried to pull away. His grip tightened around my waist and he gave a low growl in response. “And you remember who you belong to.” Jack’s driver brought us back to reality as he politely interrupted, telling us that we were cutting it close to make his flight. Jack tucked me safely into my car before getting into his own and pulling away. I was proud of myself for not crying too much on the way back to the bus.

Chapter 6 The next few weeks would take us up through Denmark, then into Sweden, before traveling back down to stop in Austria, eventually continuing south until our first stops in Northern Italy. The ride to Copenhagen was long and we spent the entire night and next morning moving. The bus stopped on occasion, switching out drivers and getting refueled, but for the most part we were on the road. Sienna and I slept the entire night, both exhausted, the long night of rest very welcome. I was tired, both mentally and physically from my time with Jack, and Sienna was floored from partying. We had been taking turns with who got to sleep in the private bedroom that held a queen size real bed mattress, because the bunks were little more than a thin piece of cotton laid over the wood. I wasn’t sure if Sienna knew I was sad or if she just wanted company herself, but we both crashed in the queen bed together for the long night of travels. I woke up in a corner of the bed, with no covers. Sienna, on the other hand was splayed out leisurely diagonally across the bed, with the covers wrapped snugly around her. I found it amusing that I was the one crunched in the corner then, as Jack had been complaining about my taking up the whole bed and stealing the covers back home. As we made our way through the streets of Copenhagen, the city caught my attention and I found it worthy of waking the beast next to me. Sienna pulled the covers over her head as I tapped her shoulder and softly called her name to wake her. “The bus better be on fire, Syd.” Sienna’s voice was groggier than usual, even though she had never been a morning person, ever. “We must be in Copenhagen. The city is beautiful. I thought you might want to see it.” “Do you have coffee for me?” No sign of Sienna’s face from under the covers as she spoke. “Ummm … no, but I can make us some.” “You really know how to work that thing?” Sienna brought the cover down enough to show just her forehead and one squinting eye. “The coffee maker?” “No, the vacuum.” She brought the covers back over her head before speaking again. “Of course the coffee maker. What the hell else would I be talking about? I tried to figure it out the other day, but it exploded all over the place.” I laughed as I stood on the bed, about to hop off and make the coffee for my grumpy friend, but then

I changed my mind and started jumping on the bed. Sienna brought the cover back down to expose up to her nose. “What the hell are you doing?” “I bet I can hit my head on the roof first.” I smiled and arched an eyebrow at my best friend, knowing she would never be able to forego a challenge, even if it meant getting out of bed before noon. “I think I may move onto the other bus and send Justin to live with you,” Sienna growled, pulling the cover over her head. I kept on jumping. Waiting. Knowing eventually she wouldn’t be able to help herself. I’d been hanging out with Sienna since elementary school and I was sure as the sun would rise that she wouldn’t be able to resist the challenge, albeit how silly it was. A few more jumps and then Sienna growled as she jumped up and joined me in bouncing on the bed. When Sienna eventually yelled as she whacked her head against the top of the bus, claiming defeat, I couldn’t help but fall into a fit of laughter knowing that the prize I had let her win would probably leave her with a headache all morning. *** I returned to the room with two large coffee mugs and two Ibuprofen for my friend. I didn’t know if she had a headache from hitting her head or not, but I figured she would need them for the hangover she probably had from the last few days of partying anyway. We sat quietly on the bed, sipping our coffee and staring out the big picture window at the back of the bus in the private bedroom, taking in the beautiful scenery of Copenhagen. The bus drove slowly on the narrow roads as we passed block after block of low-rise buildings, most standing at only four to six stories. The buildings were architecturally stunning and painted a myriad of beautiful colors. Church steeples punctuated the skyline between the yellow, burnt orange and aqua blue historic buildings. Only a few modern hotels marred the quaint charm of the beautiful, historical city. Sienna and I were probably most excited about playing in Copenhagen. We were scheduled to perform at an outdoor summer music festival instead of a typical theatre, unlike all the other venues on the tour. It was one of Europe’s greatest rock music festivals, spanning multiple days on multiple stages. Before we departed, the tour manager had told us that we were originally scheduled to play on one of the smaller stages, but the festival had just moved us to play on the Orange Stage, the largest of the six stages. Apparently, the tour was gaining popularity as we traveled and they expected too many fans for us to play at the smaller stage. The Orange Stage was where the more popular acts usually got to perform, because the viewing area could accommodate more than sixty thousand people. As teenagers, Sienna and I had dreamed about going to the festival. We’d even priced out tickets

the year we turned eighteen, but neither of us had been able to afford it. We loved the idea of playing at a big festival, but just being able to be a part of it as spectators was enough to be a dream come true. The only parking for the tour busses was in the camper area. We would get to live the festival right along with the fans. Unlike Justin and Kyle, most people still didn’t know who we were, so at least until it was our turn to play we could enjoy the festival in relative anonymity. Sienna and Kyle were especially excited at the stop, as they both planned to join the “nude run,” an annual tradition held on the Saturday of the four day festival. The run was an organized activity where people literally ran around the campsites buck naked and one male and one female would be selected to win tickets to the next year’s festival. The two of them had spent hours trying to talk me into joining them, but, unlike Sienna, I thought that activity would be more fun to observe. *** Sienna and I spent the entire day watching bands and eating food on sticks, some of which I wasn’t even sure what it was. Some of the day we spent with Kyle and Justin and the other musicians on the tour, but it was difficult to move through the festival with so many girls stopping Kyle and Justin for autographs and pictures. More than a few lifted their shirts to reveal bare skin and requested that they each sign a breast, which the guys happily obliged. The day was a lot of fun, although I did notice that Justin kept his distance from me most of the day. After a few hours of constant stopping for fans with Double Strife, Sienna and I decided to ditch them. With the size of the crowd of women circling them, anxious for whatever attention they could get, I doubted they would even notice for a few hours. The rest of the afternoon Sienna and I watched bands and danced together and I couldn’t have asked for a better, more laid-back day — except, of course, if at the end of it I was going home to Jack. We met back up with the guys in time for the nude run and I found it amusing how many more of the guys from our tour had decided to join in on the fun after finding out Sienna was going to participate. Sienna, of course, would be the only woman participating from our tour group, but that didn’t seem to bother her at all. Justin and I watched the nude run together, both laughing hysterically as drunk people ran around, falling often. The run had become a greater spectacle than usual, as the grounds were muddy from a heavy rain the night before, making the grassy campsite area slippery and muddy. The messy conditions seemed to have not mixed well with the inebriated campers, making most participants appear as if they had been mud-wrestling. Although we didn’t talk much, I was glad that Justin and I got to spend a little time together having lighthearted fun. There had definitely been a tension between us the last week and people on the tour had

been starting to notice. After the nude run festivities wrapped up, most of our group decided to spend the evening at the beer tent. I politely declined, as my throat had become scratchy and I wasn’t sure if it was allergies or I had begun to come down with a cold. Considering I was being paid to sing, I thought it best to forego the evening festivities and call it an early night. I was excited to play the next day and wanted everything to be perfect. Back on the tour bus I made some eucalyptus tea and settled in for the night. The camping area was loud outside, but a little soft music made it easy to forget that there was a giant party going on around me. I called Jack and filled him in on the day’s antics and he told me about his day. He mentioned that he had a board meeting in the morning and his tone changed as he told me about it. I knew that a board meeting meant being in the same room as his father, something that Jack unequivocally avoided at all costs. He planned to do a ten mile run in the morning to work off some of the stress before having to spend hours so close to his father. He had basically disowned his father years ago when his mother was dying of cancer and his father had traipsed around town with a bevy of mistresses half his age instead of taking care of his ailing wife. Since then, he tolerated his father only when absolutely necessary and restricted any interactions to solely business. Things had got progressively worse in the last few months, after Jack’s father had interfered in mine and Jack’s lives. I wanted to ask if anything new had happened to cause the current animosity in his voice, but something told me that it was best left for another time, perhaps when we were in person. We talked on the phone for over an hour, and as we were beginning to make plans to talk the next day, there was a knock at the bus door. I stayed on the phone with Jack as I unlocked it, expecting to find a drunk Sienna on the other side. But instead it was Justin. Justin didn’t speak, he stood outside and waited for me to invite him in. I told Jack that I would call him the next day because the tour manager had come to go over the plans, and we both said goodnight. I hated to lie to Jack, but I knew how he felt about Justin and he had enough on his mind, having to deal with his father and the board meeting in the morning. Justin waited outside the door to the bus, with me holding it open, until I had hung up the phone. “Can I come in, Syd?” I was leery at first, but then stepped aside while still holding the door, silently accepting his request. I knew Jack wouldn’t like me spending time alone with Justin, but I figured it might be best to clear the tension between us. I thought about my promise to Jack not to have men in my room, and justified to myself that I wasn’t breaking my promise as long as we stayed in the common area of the bus. I couldn’t imagine that it would be possible to spend three more months on tour with Justin and not sit in the front of the bus together at some point. It was best to clear the air and move forward with less tension between us.

Justin sat down and we both began to speak at the same time. We both laughed, almost nervously, and an awkward silence followed. “You first,” he said. “I was just going to ask why you weren’t out at the beer tent partying with the others.” “Oh. The beer party turned into an autograph signing party so I got out at the first lull in the line.” I smiled. “Part of the cost of your fame.” “I guess so.” Justin ran his fingers through his hair. His body language let on that the constant attention actually bothered him more than he let on. “What were you going to say, Justin?” Justin pushed his hands into his pocket and looked down, playing with a small spot on the rug at his feet. His movement reminded me of a small child who was about to confess something to his mother, but was nervous of her reaction. “I was going to apologize for acting like a jackass lately.” He looked up at me with a hesitant shy smile. It was the first glimpse of the old Justin that I’d known. “You have been a bit of a jackass.” I smiled and nudged my shoulder in to his in a friendly gesture meant to ease the apprehension of our conversation. Justin responded with laughter in his voice. “I knew you wouldn’t let me off the hook that easy.” I laughed, feeling some of the tension between us release at our friendly exchange. “Want me to kick your ass at Rock Band, friend?” Justin’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and his cocky dimpled smile returned. “Bring it on, blondie.” We played Rock Band on the flat screen in the front of the bus, while lounging at opposite ends of the couch for more than two hours. I lost track of the wins and losses, but by the time Sienna came stumbling in I was pretty sure I had lost. Sienna and Kyle roared into the bus like wildfire. Both still had dried mud in their hair and went straight for the bottle of tequila. The four of us laughed and told old stories for another hour before I decided it was time to call it a night. The sun was coming up by the time I felt Sienna crawl into bed next to me again.

Chapter 7 We were all ecstatic with how the festival had turned out in Denmark, but Copenhagen passed quickly and we moved on to the next city. The trip from Denmark to Sweden wasn’t quite as peaceful of a trip as the trip to Denmark from Berlin. Instead of spending the travel time catching up on our sleep, as Sienna had done the last leg of the trip, we all piled into one bus and celebrated our success by pulling an all-nighter and singing until we could barely keep our eyes open. By the time we arrived in Sweden, we were all ready to crash. Luckily, we had almost twentyfour hours before our next show and were checking into a hotel with real beds for a few nights while the busses went in for service. Of course, since the tour was sponsored by Heston, we were being put up at a beautiful Heston property. *** Sienna and I were excited to spend a day watching live American TV, and had big plans to order room service and stay in our pajamas until it was time to head to the venue. Unlike the other Heston properties that I had visited, the Sweden property was quaint and understated, a contrast to the modern ultra-luxurious skyscrapers that typically represented the Heston brand. I wasn’t surprised when the staff was overly attentive to me when we walked in. Jack seemed to always make it his business that Sienna and I were treated like royalty and received the best accommodations whenever he had any control. I smiled to myself as the staff fussed over me, I didn’t really care about having a suite but I knew it was Jack’s own way of taking care of me and I adored him for it. After the hotel manager let us into our suite and gave us the grand tour, he turned to me before leaving and reached into his pocket, offering me a small black box. The older gentleman smiled as he extended his hand holding the box. “Ms. St. Claire, Mr. Cole requested I give you this.” I took the box from the man’s hand and smiled curiously. As seemed to be the norm in any of the Heston properties, the manager refused to accept a tip and encouraged Sienna and I to help ourselves to anything the hotel had to offer before showing himself out. “So now the penthouse suite comes with jewelry, huh?” Sienna came up from behind me and took the box out of my hand. “And here I thought I was the princess.” I attempted to take the box out of her hand but Sienna just giggled and ran to the other side of the couch, out of my reach. “I’ll give you twenty bucks for whatever is inside!”

I stopped in the middle of my chase. “Twenty bucks, Sienna, really? Did you see the insignia on the box?” Sienna looked down at the box in her hand curiously and gaped when she noticed the small script: “K.” Kleinmans. Kleinman’s was a well-known NYC boutique jeweler that regularly loaned out jewelry to celebrities walking the red carpet. We both knew the name from hearing celebrities announce who they were wearing at award shows, not from being able to afford to shop at the store. “Okay, fifty bucks, but that’s my final offer, Syd,” Sienna yelled, and giggled as I surprised her by jumping over the couch and grabbing the box out of her hand. I slumped into the couch and Sienna quickly followed, peering anxiously over my shoulder as I opened the velvet box. “It’s beautiful, Syd,” Sienna’s voice was sincere and caring when she spoke. I was speechless as I looked down at the beautiful sparkling star pendant. It was a simple white gold, very thin chain, holding a delicate diamond star set with pave diamonds. The star had one of its points longer than the rest, somehow giving the look an edge that screamed rock star. It sparkled against the dark black velvet box as if it were shining high up in the sky. Remembering the words Jack had said to me before he left, my heart swelled a little more for the crazy, controlling, sweet, thoughtful, sexy as all hell man that really was mine. *** Sienna and I both slept for almost ten hours straight after we finally settled in. I called Jack before I crashed, and caught him before he went into his meeting. I could tell he was happy with my reaction to the necklace, even though he tried to act like it was no big deal. I adored that he put so much effort into trying to please me. It was late afternoon before we ordered room service. We were both beyond hungry. I was a little embarrassed at how much food we had ordered when room service had to bring in two carts just to fit it all. Sienna and I packed in more calories than we typically ate in a week, then we took our spots on opposite ends of the couch, each wrapped in our own blanket, staring mindlessly at the blaring TV. I was almost asleep, having been induced into a lazy afternoon food coma, when Sienna turned up the television. “Syd?” I looked up from my daze and saw Jack’s handsome face on television. The man truly still took my breath away. He was standing alone while photographers snapped pictures of him stopped on the red carpet. He looked insanely handsome wearing a tuxedo and giving the camera that sexy half-crooked smile that made me melt the first time I met him. Then she walked over to him and my heart stopped. Jenna was decked out in one of her usual over the top outfits. Her full breasts were barely

contained in her hot pink dress that cut down to just below her navel. The sides of her dress were cut out and the bottom slit exposed the top of her thigh as she posed herself for maximum leg exposure next to Jack, smiling wildly. Jack put his hand on her back and together they preened for the flashing cameras. Jack’s smiling face turned hard as he waited for the cameras to finish. I could tell from the way his jaw clenched that he was not enjoying himself, although Jenna’s smile told a completely opposite story. The newscaster spoke over the footage as the ticker along the bottom of the screen announced that the pictures were from the previous year’s AVN Awards. Apparently this year’s nominees had been announced and Cole Productions had grabbed a record number of nominations. Sienna and I starred speechless at the television as the segment gave a little history on the AVN Awards. “The American Adult Video Awards are the Oscars of the adult film industry, with nearly 100 categories, some of which are analogous to the general film industry awards. Others are specific to the erotic film industry. This year Cole Productions, led by the always handsome Jack Cole, snagged a record number of nominations. Jack and his longtime partner, Jenna Favor, remain elusive to the media, but rumor has it there may be some new bling on Jenna’s finger at the awards this year, ladies.” I stared at the TV, my mouth still hanging open at the story even as the news moved on to the next segment. Sienna spoke first. “Syd, they make up things to get ratings. You know there is nothing going on with Jack and that creature.” It took me a minute to respond. I knew in my heart that nothing was going on with Jack and Jenna, but seeing them on TV and watching him put his hand on her back with a sense of familiarity still made me feel sick. “I know, Sienna. But it still makes me ill hearing even a fake story about Jack and another woman. Especially that woman. I didn’t like her the first minute I met her and seeing her gloating face enjoying standing next to Jack makes my stomach turn.” I jumped at the sound of my phone ringing and vibrating on the glass table in front of me. “Don’t ignore him again, Syd,” Sienna warned. I took a deep breath and grabbed for my phone, expecting to see Jack’s handsome face on the screen, but the face that appeared startled me. My mother. “No way.” I tossed the phone back on the table as if it was fire and I had just burned my hand. “Syd,” Sienna warned. “It’s not Jack. It’s my mother.” “You think the timing of her call is a coincidence, or she just saw what we saw?”

“I don’t really want to find out right now.” I stood and looked over to the cheesecake we had ordered earlier with dinner but had been too stuffed to eat. “Dessert?” “Always.” *** A few hours later I was sure my mom had seen the news segment. She called four times in a short span of time, which was very unlike her. I checked her message after the second call to make sure I wasn’t avoiding an emergency and she mentioned she had seen Jack on TV and wanted to check in with me. My mother and I were close and I knew that she would be concerned, but when she wanted information she had her ways of getting it from me. I wasn’t ready to share that part of Jack’s life with her, although I was sure that whatever sordid image she had already conjured up in her mind was probably far worse than the truth of the situation. I still hadn’t spoken to Jack about the news segment, and at first I thought that maybe he was giving me some space to let the segment sink in. But Jack wasn’t really that type of man. If he had a problem or a concern, he went right to the core of it. He didn’t believe in space or mulling things over. It just wasn’t who he was. I thought back to the first time we had seen each other in Hawaii. We met in a bar while he was there with his friends for a bachelor party. I had been vacationing with Sienna on what was supposed to have been my honeymoon. We’d both felt the instant chemistry that sparked between us. But I had been coming off of a broken engagement and wasn’t really looking to meet anyone. Jack had decided we should have an island affair and there was really no stopping him once he made up his mind. He hadn’t pushed me or anything, but he was clear with what he wanted and didn’t give me an opportunity to overanalyze my decision. Instead, he’d stayed right in front of me, standing so close with his incredible green eyes burning into me that my body couldn’t help but react. He was demanding and possessive, but in a confident, sexy kind of way that few men could pull off. The more I thought about Jack, the more I realized that he must not have heard about the news story yet. I knew he had a board meeting that morning, but I wasn’t sure how long those type of things normally lasted. I was just drying off after a shower when I heard my phone ring from the bedroom. The flashing picture of Jack made me smile, even though I was a little apprehensive to discuss what I had seen on TV. Down deep, I knew I was acting childish. But when it came to Jack, my emotions were difficult to control. “Hey.” “Hey, beautiful.” His sexy voice made me smile, even from thousands of miles away.

“How was your day?” “As expected.” Jack sighed and quickly changed the subject. “How was your pajama and room service day?” “It was … interesting.” I struggled for the right word to describe my day. “Tell me about interesting.” “I’d rather hear about your day.” I had no idea why I was stalling. “You’re stalling, babe. Is everything all right?” Since the first day I’d met Jack, it had always thrown me off balance how he seemed to have the ability to read my mind. For the most part, I had chalked it up to my body language, but apparently he could do it even through the phone, thousands of miles away. “How do you do that?” “Do what?” “Know what I’m doing when I’m three thousand miles away.” “I told you, babe, you’re important to me, so I pay attention. But you’re still stalling, so why don’t you tell me what you don’t want to tell me.” Yep, I was right, the man would never have given me time to think before calling if he knew something had bothered me. “I saw you on TV today.” “Okay.” I flirted my response. “You looked really handsome.” Jack chuckled. “Get to the interesting part, babe.” “It was a story on one of the pseudo-news shows, the ones that do the news, but all the news revolves around celebrities.” “I know the type.” I could tell from his tone that he was growing impatient with my story. “They announced the nominees for the AVN Awards. The footage must have been from last year’s award ceremony, because you and your date were on the red carpet all dressed up.” Jack blew out a rush of air. “My date? You mean Jenna?” “Yes, her.” God, just hearing Jack say her name made my claws come out. “So you’re upset because you saw us on TV together?” Jack’s question was seeking confirmation,

not questioning the validity of my reaction. “No, although I did feel a little queasy when the reporter mentioned a rumor that Jenna might have some extra bling on her finger this year from you.” “I’m sorry, babe. Jenna’s publicist has kept rumors of our relationship circulating for years. I never cared because it helped sales and I really didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. I’ll make sure Jenna and her publicist stop playing games.” “Thank you, I’d appreciate that. My mom has been calling all day and I haven’t figured out what I am going to say to her yet.” “Why do you have to figure out something to say to her?” “Because I’m assuming she saw the story today as well and I am not sure what to tell her.” Jack spoke solemnly. “Tell her the truth.” “That my boyfriend is a pornographer and had sex with more women than I can count?” Jack was quiet for a minute. “Is that how you think of me, Syd?” His voice was low and sounded pained. I tensed at the sadness of his tone. I hadn’t meant to come across as hurtful, but I was being honest. I had no idea what to tell my family and friends now that the dark side of Jack’s life had come to light. “Maybe that didn’t come out right. It’s just that my family won’t get it. They don’t really know you and I don’t want their opinion to be based on some stereotype they took from a movie about Bob Guccione.” “I care what you think, Syd, and I didn’t think you judged me as a person based upon the type of businesses I run.” “I don’t, and I don’t want others to judge you either.” We talked for a little while longer, but the damage had been done and there was a tension between us even when we moved on to other topics. When we hung up I wondered how my heart could be filled with such love for a man and yet I was able to hurt him so easily. *** The best part of my friendship with Sienna was that she told me the truth, even when I didn’t always want to hear it. The night after my conversation with Jack I was still moping around, even after our show. I told Sienna about my talk with Jack and tried hard to repeat exactly what had been said.

“So you basically told him you were embarrassed of him,” Sienna said matter-of-factly, as she popped a handful of peanuts from the bar into her mouth. “No! I didn’t say that. I told him my parents wouldn’t understand and I didn’t want them to think badly of him.” My tone was definitely defensive. “Syd, why didn’t you want your parents, or anyone for that matter, to find out about Jack’s production business?” “Because I didn’t want them to judge him.” I held my head up high, my response indignant. “What did Jack do that they would judge him for?” “He didn’t do anything. People will judge him just because of his business. People are judged based on who and what they affiliate with, like it or not.” “And since you are with Jack, people will judge you based on how they perceive him?” My shoulders slumped a little. “I guess so.” “So you are concerned about you, not only about Jack. You basically told him that you were embarrassed of him, Syd.” I hated that Sienna was right. I wanted so badly to tell her that I didn’t care if people judged me because of Jack’s business. But the truth was, I did. I never stopped to think about it, but I did care what people thought. Deep down I knew it was shallow, but I had to be honest with myself. If our roles were reversed and I realized that Jack was embarrassed about a part of me, even the tiniest most insignificant part of me, I would be hurt more than I wanted to think about. My head fell back as I growled. “Ughhh.” I wanted to kick myself for being such a selfish, immature girl. “What am I going to do, Sienna?” Sienna smiled a devilish full smile and wiggled her eyebrows. “I have a plan.” Of course she did. That was why she was my best friend since third grade.

Chapter 8 The next week and a half flew by with back to back shows and no downtime between concerts in Sweden and Austria. The tour manager approached Sienna and I about cutting a single while we were on tour so they could work some radio airplay ahead of the cities we were going to play in, to gain some following. We planned to record in Northern Italy for three days while we played venues in Milan and Florence. I couldn’t wait to tell Jack that we were going to record one of our songs. Sienna and I had recorded a few songs together years ago when we were younger, but it had been done in a converted garage using old equipment and a mixer who had been stoned most of the time. Jack was happy that I was excited, but voiced some concern over my lack of representation. He didn’t think it was a good idea for us to sign anything without first consulting with an agent and attorney. Neither Sienna or I had ever worked with an agent, but I trusted Jack’s business acumen and was more than happy to allow him to deal with the business aspect of things when he offered. The day before we were scheduled to begin recording, Jack overnighted Sienna and I a package with contracts to sign. Although Sienna and I would have been happy just to sign whatever was put in front of us without reading, Jack insisted that we both read the contracts, and then arranged a call with our new agent to discuss the details of what we were signing. Jack’s package also had an iPad with software preloaded for our video chat with the agent. I was initially taken aback by the woman who appeared on the screen for our conference, especially when she introduced herself as Ryan Sealy. Because of the name, I had assumed Ryan was a man. But the woman smiling at us on the other side of the video chat was most definitely a woman — a stunning, perfectlygroomed, well-spoken, intelligent woman. She gave us an overview of her background, most-revered clients and the services she provided. To say her client list was impressive was an understatement. The woman represented half of the artists that had songs on Top 20 radio. We spent more than an hour and a half on the conference. By the time we were ready to hang up, my head was spinning and I was so grateful that Jack had taken control of the negotiations because it sounded like the original contract was very different than the one we would be signing. Ryan had definitely earned her fee, whatever that might be someday, since it was contingent on our sales. “Well, ladies, I think we were able to get you both covered nicely. Do you have any questions for me to help you be more comfortable with signing everything in your individual packages?” Ryan smiled, giving us a glimpse of perfect white straight teeth to match her perfect high cheekbones. Sienna and I looked at each other and shrugged. “I don’t think so, Ryan, I think you covered

anything we could have wanted to discuss, and then some.” I returned Ryan’s smile. “That’s great. Then maybe Jack will relax a little. That man should have been a lawyer the way he interrogated me with questions on this.” Ryan’s business face relaxed a little, her voice breaking from the all-business tone of the last hour and a half. “I’ve never seen him like this, Sydney. That man has it bad.” “Uh … thanks.” I wasn’t sure how to respond to a statement like that. It sounded like she must have known Jack for a while, but I didn’t feel comfortable asking. Ryan laughed a lighthearted friendly laugh. “Okay then, you make sure to let Jack know we’re all good so he can call off the dogs. My husband was starting to tease that he was going to get me a new cell phone with the number of times Jack called to go over details in the last few days.” Whatever tension had grown in my neck subsided a little when Ryan mentioned her husband. I had never been the jealous type, but Jack seemed to cause feelings in me that were new on so many different levels. *** Sienna and I decided to video chat with Jack together after our conference call to say thank you for finding us Ryan. After a few minutes Sienna decided to run out and order us dinner with our bus driver, leaving me alone on the bus to talk to Jack. “So you liked her?” Jack loosened his tie as he spoke. I felt a pang of heat as I watched him undo the top few buttons, exposing the skin at the top of his neck. There was something very sexy about talking to Jack from his office and seeing him transform from all-business to caring boyfriend. “Yes, I really did. Have you known her a long time? It sounded like it from something she said.” I was glad my question came across as aloof as I had wanted it to sound. I really didn’t want to sound like a crazy jealous girlfriend after all the trouble that Jack had gone through for me. Jack laughed. “I’ve known her since birth basically. Her mom was our housekeeper and they lived in the guesthouse until she went off to college. We spent years in the same playpen, since whenever my mom went out, my father handed me over to Ryan’s mom.” “Oh.” I paused for a moment, letting the new information sink in. “Well, she seems to really like you.” Jack’s face got serious. “She’s never been anything but a friend, Syd.” “I didn’t’ say anything.” “But you were thinking it.”

“How do you know what I’m thinking?” Jack chuckled. “I feel like we have had this conversation before, babe.” His playfulness made me laugh. Or perhaps it could have been the relief I felt from knowing Ryan was only a friend of Jack’s. “Why did you send an iPad? You know I packed mine.” I watched as Jack’s eyes left my face and settled on my breasts. “I wanted to have the latest encryption software loaded for security.” “Is my contract top secret?” I raised an eyebrow, teasing, and Jack’s eyes came back to meet mine. God, his beautiful green eyes weren’t even dulled by being shot through a satellite feed thousands of miles away. “I wasn’t worried that someone would hack into your conversation with Ryan about the contract.” I furrowed my brow, “Then what—” Jack’s sexy crooked smile stopped me mid sentence and I watched as he raised his eyebrows suggestively. “Are you alone in the bus?” “Yes.” “Go into the bedroom and lock the door.” I felt a surge between my legs at his words. Jack didn’t delay with further instructions as I locked the bedroom door behind me. “Sit on the bed. Set the stand up so I can see all of you.” I blushed, knowing what he was asking me to do, but did as he instructed anyway. “I love you in pink. I can’t see the damn color anymore without thinking of you. Do you know what it’s like to walk around for a half an hour with a hard on just because I pass a shirt in that color folded in our closet?” I wasn’t sure what I liked better, the thought of Jack’s hard on, the thought of him thinking of me just from seeing a color, or that he had called his closet “our closet.” All of them made me feel warm in private places. “Take off your pants, Syd. Sit with your legs open and the camera between them.” I did as he asked, surprisingly not self-conscious about what I thought I was about to do. I left on my pink lace boy shorts, grateful that I was wearing pretty underwear that matched my shirt.

I looked up at the camera just as Jack was running his fingers through his hair. I could feel the tension pouring from his movements. “Leave the underwear on, but pull them aside so I can see you, babe.” I felt all of the hair on my body stand at attention with excitement. I looked down, slowly and deliberately taking my time as I first rubbed up and down on the crotch of my underwear using my pink painted nail. I could feel the wetness already dripping from my body. I heard Jack groan, and his reaction fueled my performance. I stopped the finger that was gently tracing up and down and looked up at the camera under hooded eyes. Slowly I lifted the finger from my sex to my mouth and sucked it as Jack watched intently. I removed my wet finger and slowly brought it down to the edges of my pink lace panties, taking my time to pull the thin material to the side, exposing my glistening most-private of areas. I looked up at the screen and saw Jack had pushed back from his desk and was slowly unbuttoning his pants, his eyes fixated between my legs. I watched as his thick cock sprang free and his hand wrapped around the thick base. “Take off your shirt.” My taut nipples strained against the top of my demi-cup lace bra, full with arousal. “Pull down your bra so I can see your nipples. Keep the other hand on your panties.” I obeyed. My nipples protruded proudly, anxious for Jack’s touch. His words sent my body ablaze and I couldn’t stop to think how it could be satisfied without Jack to fill me. Jack’s breath became ragged, calling my attention to the screen. I watched as his big hand stroked leisurely up and down his thick cock. “Pinch your nipple.” I complied. “Harder.” I grasped my swollen nub firmly between my thumb and forefinger and squeezed harder. A slight hint of pain shot through me, sending a rush of moisture down to my already swollen clit. I closed my eyes and moaned, succumbing to the intense feeling. “Push two fingers inside yourself. Do it slowly so I can watch every inch disappear.” I reached down between my legs and circled my opening, gathering the moisture that had pooled at

my entrance. I hesitated as my fingers sat at my ready opening. “You’re so beautiful, Syd. Pretend it’s me inside of you. Close your eyes. I’m on my knees in front of you, my head circling your entrance, waiting for its chance to plunge into your wet pussy.” I circled my fingers and let my legs fall further open as I closed my eyes, imagining Jack on his knees in front of me. “You’re so wet, baby. Put me inside of you. Show me how much you want me.” I took a deep breath and pushed my two fingers deep inside of myself. A loud moan escaped my throat. Jack’s voice was ragged as he continued. “I want to pump in and out of you, babe.” I began pushing my fingers in and out, never fully withdrawing my fingers on each pull. “Faster, babe. I need it faster, Syd.” I pumped furiously in and out, in and out, my chest heaving as I drew closer to my own release. “Take your thumb and cover your clit with your other hand.” I obeyed. “Rub circles on your clit. Don’t stop my thick cock from thrusting.” The pressure on my swollen clit pushed me over the edge and I came hard, the furiousness of it taking me by surprise. I moaned and called Jack’s name over and over until my orgasm worked its way through my body. My whole body shuddered as it escaped me. I pushed out a deep breath and looked up under hooded eyes at the screen just in time to see Jack spurt three long thick streams into the air. I groaned, wishing I were there to catch it on my stomach. A few minutes later, Jack was cleaning himself up and I pulled the sheet from the bed to cover myself. Chills met my perspiration, causing a shiver down to my toes. “Babe, that was seriously fucking incredible.” Jack’s voice was low and sincere, but his cocky smile hinted at his mood. “I can’t believe I was able to do that.” The rawness of what I’d just done was finally hitting me. “Seriously, babe, I have never seen anything more erotic in my life. I’m going to need two cold showers a day just thinking about watching you do that.” Jack’s praise pushed aside any embarrassment that had started to creep in. “Are you kidding me,

have you looked in the mirror? You could probably make me come just by looking at your face and listening to your voice.” Jack smiled and arched one eyebrow. “That sounds like a challenge….” I laughed. “You are truly the devil, Mr. Cole.” *** The smell of shrimp in garlic sauce permeated the room when I opened the bedroom door. My little act had worked up my appetite and I was suddenly starving. “Mmmm ... shrimp and garlic sauce. You are too good to me.” “Sounded more like you were good to yourself in there.” Sienna smirked, enjoying her own crude joke. I picked up a pillow from the couch and hurled it in her direction. Sienna ducked and it missed her. “You may want to lock the door and sleep in the bedroom tonight by yourself,” Sienna teased. “I don’t think you could trust me to lay next to you, I’m so worked up from listening to you two.” I grabbed my shrimp and garlic sauce and a fork, not even bothering to take the meal out of the tin serving container. We both knew I was going to eat the whole thing anyway. “Jealous?” “Are you kidding? I’m insanely jealous. Haven’t you noticed my dry spell lately? That was the most action I’ve had since we left New York.” Sienna always had a healthy sexual appetite, but I hadn’t stopped to give any thought to her lack of recent sexual activity. Since I was suddenly forced to think about it, it was odd to realize I’d been hanging out for at least a month or two with an abstinent Sienna. The woman could snap her fingers and pretty much have any man she wanted. “What’s stopping you? Have you decided to save yourself for marriage?” It was Sienna’s turn to throw a pillow at me. “Maybe I’m just maturing?” “Doubt it,” I managed to get out while chewing a mouth full of food. “Bitch.” “Slut.” I laughed. Sienna and I had ended many debates with our thoughtful terms of endearment.

Chapter 9 I wasn’t sure what to expect when we entered Bellissima Recording Studio in Parma, Italy. The tour promoter had worked with our agent, Ryan, to find a place for us to record in between three shows in Florence and Milan. Our plan was to record a single in two sessions, which Kyle had told us was going to be tough to do, but not impossible. The studio was located in Parma, a small but cosmopolitan city in Northern Italy. I knew from speaking with Ryan that she had rejected at least three other studios before accepting Bellissima as our recording destination. The promoter had sent a car to pick up Sienna and I from Milan early in the morning, and the trip to Parma had taken a little over an hour. Jack had told me that Parma was well known for its artistic heritage, opera and food. As our car navigated the small cobblestone streets of the city, I was excited to see the historical architecture of the village come into sight. Students wandered around the streets, and beautiful historic churches set the backdrop for a small village within a city. We pulled up to Bellissima and the driver instructed us in his best attempt at English to enter through a small alley door. As we entered the building I was struck by the stark contrast of the modern, sleek feel of the inside to the rich historical feel of the outside. “Buon Giorno! Such bellissima ladies, you have come to the right place!” an adorable small older Italian man yelled as he came to greet us at the door. He immediately reached for us, kissing both cheeks in a grand expression that instantly made me like the silver-haired charming man. “Buon Giorno.” I smiled, returning the gesture. “I’m Sydney, and this is Sienna. We’re here to meet Giovanni for a recording session.” “Si. I am Giovanni, but to you I am Gio, yes? All the beautiful ladies, they call me Gio. We sit, we have biscotti and espresso, si.” “Si,” Sienna and I responded in unison and smiled. We were both incessant coffee drinkers and were starting to go through withdrawal from the single cup we’d each had that morning before being rushed off to the studio. Gio folded each of his arms to his chest, his elbows proudly offering each of us an arm to hold as he walked us to an exit door at the rear of the studio. Outside was a small courtyard that held three small round tables with matching wrought iron chairs. The small courtyard perimeter was outlined by dozens of small planting pots with various greenery growing. The patio smelled of coffee and spice and I looked around the tiny area, recognizing basil and a dozen other fresh seasonings growing. Gio directed us to a table, pulling out our chairs in the same grand, over-exaggerated fashion that

he had greeted us. I was pretty sure that his actions would come off as cheesy when done by most men. But on Gio it was endearing and entertaining. He had a way of making a woman feel like she was on a pedestal within a minute of meeting him. We sat for almost a half an hour eating delicious biscotti and sipping espresso. Gio filled us in on the city of Parma and the history of Bellissima. He told us funny stories about a dozen famous Italian singers he had recorded in the last few years. I was impressed at the level of celebrity that he worked with, but it was even more endearing that Gio did not seem impressed. Eventually we made our way back into the studio and up to the second floor where we were introduced to the group that would be our recording team. I was relieved when everyone spoke English, even if it was with a heavy Italian accent. Over the next six hours we made dozens of recordings, many of the same sections over and over again. When our voices began to show signs of strain, Gio said it was enough for the day and that we had to save our voices for our performance that evening. He made us both promise we would not speak until one hour before our show. I tried to protest, to let him know that we would be okay, but the moment I opened my voice to speak, he put a finger on my lips. “You have a beautiful voice, bella. You listen to Gio. I take good care of my ladies. Yes?” He began to remove his finger from my lips, so I opened my mouth in an attempt to tell him okay, but his finger quickly returned. “No voice, yes?” I nodded agreement. “There you go. Now you may go. You come back tomorrow and we finish. Your song will be almost as bellissima as the two angels that make the beautiful music. Yes?” Sienna and I both smiled and were rewarded with kisses on both cheeks. *** Sienna was the first to speak as we got into our waiting car. “So would you think I was crazy if I told you that Gio somehow turned me on?” She looked at me with a devilish grin. I didn’t respond. I just smiled and shook my head, no. “I think it’s the Italian accent. It’s sexy, don’t you think? I know he’s old enough to be my father but I’m thinking that just makes him experienced, not out of age range.” I shrugged my shoulders and smiled.

“Are you kidding me? You really aren’t going to speak?” I nodded my head as I grinned. “You always were a goody-two-shoes.” Sienna thought for a minute before she continued. “Remember in Mr. Carlton’s class in fifth grade? We were supposed to read Artemis Fowl, that boring sci-fi crap book? But instead we decided to read Deenie by Judy Blume. We glued the cover of Artemis crap over the Deenie book and folded in all of the good pages. We even underlined the really dirty parts.” I looked at Sienna and raised my eyebrows, waiting for her to continue. I was curious how our reading a book was going to be related to my being a goody-two-shoes for not speaking. “Your book dropped out of your bag and the next day Mr. Carlton questioned us with a few of the other girls. He opened the damn book to one of the sections where Deenie was touching her “special place.” Sienna added air quotes around the words for emphasis. “You know, looking back that’s probably why I have such a healthy sexual appetite. That Deenie bitch touched herself every night in that book.” I looked over at Sienna, wide-eyed at her words, but she just ignored me and continued. “Anyway, Mr. Carlton was grilling us to find out who was the dirty girl reading a book that had been banned from the library, and you broke down and cried and admitted it was yours. Then I got detention for a week too, because he said he knew if you were reading it that I was probably the one that had showed you the book to begin with!” I looked over at my crazy best friend as she rambled, amused at her recollection. “Always a damn goody-two-shoes.” Sienna shook her head and I rolled my eyes at her. *** As we reached Milan, we had almost four hours to spare until the concert. Sienna told the driver to take us to a mall that she had seen nearby where our tour busses were parked. I wanted to object, preferring to go back to the bus and take a power nap, but since I still wasn’t speaking it was difficult to express my wishes with just squints and head nods. And I knew we were going shopping for me. When the AVN Awards were announced, I had been embarrassed when I realized that my family and friends would know about Jack’s production business. I didn’t realize until after the damage was done that I had shown Jack that I was embarrassed of part of him. I later realized, with Sienna’s help, that my reaction was immature and insulting, but it was too late. No matter how many times I apologized to Jack, I couldn’t take away that I had made him feel badly.

Sienna had devised a plan that she called “Operation Proud,” where I would show, not tell, Jack that I was not embarrassed about any part of who he was. Part of her plan entailed me buying a sexy dress for the AVN Awards in Milan and showing it to Jack when we met up in Italy, telling him that I bought it for the awards. It had sounded like a great plan at the time, but as we got closer to the awards date I thought it might be a stupid idea since Jack still hadn’t invited me to the ceremony, even though it was the weekend we were scheduled to be home for the tour’s planned hiatus. By the time we made our way into the third dress store, I was pretty sure the salespeople thought I was a mute and Sienna was my insane caretaker. We entered the fourth store and the salesman came rushing to our side. “Aren’t you Sydney and Sienna?” I was surprised to hear an American accent when the man spoke. Sienna smiled at the waiting man, who looked oddly nervous. “Yes. Do we know you?” “Oh. My. God. I just have to text Sal and tell him.” The young salesman whipped out his phone and began texting furiously. “We have tickets to the show tonight. My boyfriend is a big Double Strife fan. Me, not so much.” The tall lanky young man crinkled up his nose to accentuate his statement. “But then I saw a video on YouTube from one of your recent concerts and I fell in love with you two!” He clapped his hands together and bounced up and down in a way that reminded me of a five year old looking at chocolate covered pretzels behind the glass when his mother tells him to pick one. Sienna smiled, pleased at being recognized, and clearly amused by the young man’s reaction. “Well, it’s nice to meet you. You have great taste.” She winked. The man lit up like a Christmas tree at her reaction. “I’m American too!” The statement came out as almost a squeal. “I came here last year for a study abroad program and met Sal. I never left.” We both smiled at the gushing man. “Oh. My. God. Are you guys shopping for dresses? I can’t wait to dress you up! It will be like playing real life Barbie!” Sienna and I both laughed. I couldn’t help but let a little bit of my voice escape through my laughter. A little breaking of the rules couldn’t hurt. “Syd is your Barbie today. She needs something sexy for a big night out.” The excited salesman could hardly contain his excitement as he began running around the store collecting a pile of dresses as he went. Sienna and I also found a few we liked, and by the time we made our way back to the fitting room we had collected more than a dozen dresses for me to try on.

The first dress I tried on was pretty, but definitely not exciting. I walked out to find Sienna and the salesman had set up chairs in front of the dressing room as if they were waiting for a modeling session to begin. “Pretty, but … I’m not sure,” Sienna debated aloud. The salesman’s opinion was more certain. “Pretty but boring. Next.” I tried on four more and had similar reactions. At least I agreed with their opinion. Pretty, nice, but not the statement I was looking for. Then I tried on a flaming red dress that startled even me as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. It was not anything that I would have picked out, way sexier than my usual taste, but it fit me like a glove and showed off my best assets. I walked out of the fitting room and looked to my audience, who had been announcing their opinions freely, and waited. Both had wide eyes and mouths hanging open. “Woman, I want to touch you all over looking at you with that dress on, and I like men!” the salesman exclaimed, jumping up from his chair. “Holy shit, Syd, sexy can’t begin to describe it. That is the dress! I want to fuck you and I like men too!” The two of them jumped around and giggled like they had known each other for years. Looking back at the mirror, even I had to agree that I looked good, but the dress was definitely more revealing than I was used to. The top was cut down almost to my belly button and strained in just the right places to fit over my cleavage. The waist of the dress was high and the slit started at an almost unseemly place and went straight down to the floor. It made my legs look a mile long and my breasts look larger than they really were. “No, Syd,” Sienna said, and I looked to her, confused. “You’re getting the dress. Don’t start talking yourself out of it. You look hot and you know it. Jack is going to be torn with covering you up so no one else can see you and wanting to show you off to the world.” I thought for a moment and smiled. Sienna was absolutely right about Jack, which made the decision easy to get the dress. By the time I got to the register I had the perfect pair of stilettos to go with the new dress. I was grateful that the prices were in Euro because I wasn’t exactly sure what the full purchase was going to cost me; otherwise, I probably would have given it a second thought. “I traded two backstage passes for an employee discount,” said Sienna, smiling proudly as I

handed over my credit card to pay the bill, which was, gratefully, less than I had expected, thanks to Sienna. The salesman handed over the garment bag and smiled. “See you ladies tonight!” After a quick stop at the lingerie store to pick up something pink and sexy for when I met Jack in Italy, we headed back to the tour busses. *** The concert in Milan was incredible. We played at San Siro Stadium, which doubled as the premiere football stadium in all of Italy. The weather was warm and the night was beautiful and the acoustics in the outdoor stadium were amazing. Even though she was my best friend, I took a bit of a sadistic pleasure when my voice held all evening, but Sienna’s began to crack on the last song.

Chapter 10 Although I was enjoying the tour, I couldn’t wait until our break in Rome. I was meeting up with Jack and we were going to have three and a half days of very needed time together. The days seemed to drag on the closer we got to the day I would finally see Jack. Sienna made plans to go on a two day sightseeing tour of Rome, then we intended to meet up and see some sights together with Jack. Jack was keeping it a well guarded secret what we were doing for the first two days. I tortured him daily in an attempt to find out. But, in reality, I didn’t care what we did, as long as I was with Jack. I had also secretly convinced Jack to invite Tyler to Rome, explaining about Sienna and her dry spell. Although he wasn’t convinced we should be playing matchmaker, he acquiesced and invited him for me. Sienna had no idea Tyler was coming, but I knew from how well they’d got along in Hawaii that she wouldn’t be upset. Tyler and Sienna had gotten cozy during the week I’d met Jack in Hawaii. Neither one of them had been looking for anything serious and both seemed to have been content to just spend the week together having fun. Jack mentioned that Tyler had started to date someone when he went back home to California, but they had recently broken up, so the timing worked out perfectly. We’d planned to meet at a Heston property in Rome and I was fidgeting in my seat as we pulled up to the hotel. A huge smile spread across my face as I saw Jack walk out and motion to the bellman that he would get the car door. He seemed to be as impatient waiting for us to arrive as I was to get to him. The minute the door opened, I was out of the car and in Jack’s arms. He smiled at my reaction, and although he may not have sprang out of a car into my arms, he also didn’t let me out of his arms for a very long time. After a long and tight hug, I pulled my head back to look at my utterly delicious man and smiled as I watched his eyes go from my eyes to my mouth. Then he kissed me until my knees went weak. Sienna finally broke in. “Nice to see you too, Jack.” Although my back was to her, I could hear the smile in her voice. Jack nodded his head and smiled back at my best friend. “Sienna.” Then I remembered about Tyler. I whispered to Jack. “Where is he?” “Hotel lobby bar.” I turned to Sienna and smiled devilishly. “I have a surprise for you.” Sienna narrowed her eyes. “Loverboy’s spa has an Italian stallion who is going to give me a

massage with a happy ending?” Jack chuckled and shook his head. “Better,” I retorted. “Better than a happy ending? Don’t toy with me, Syd. You know it’s been a while.” I looked to Jack. “Lead the way.” Jack took my hand and told the bellman to bring our stuff into the lobby as he walked inside and led us to the bar. I spied Tyler the minute we turned the corner and the lobby bar came into view. It took Sienna a minute longer because she didn’t know what she was looking for. Then she smiled as we approached Tyler, who was taking in Sienna as she walked toward him. “You are so right, this is better than a happy ending. I think I remember Tyler can give me multiple happy endings.” *** Although we had fun catching up for an hour in the bar and having drinks, I could tell Jack was starting to lose his patience by the way he pulled me closer to his body. Eventually Jack stood and not-sopolitely announced that we were leaving. Sienna laughed at his abruptness and it dawned on me for the first time that I seemed to surround myself with people who said whatever was on their minds, without filters. The four of us made our way back to the lobby and the manager jumped to bring us our luggage. “Syd, can I see your phone for a second?” I was confused at why he would need it, but I handed Jack my phone without question. He took it in his hand and turned it off. Then he reached into his pocket and took out his and handed them both to Tyler. “We won’t be needing these. Can you keep them in your suite with Syd’s luggage till we get back?” I looked at Jack like he was crazy. “All of my clothes are in there,” I responded, as if he didn’t realize what might have been in my suitcase. Jack turned to face me and looked into my eyes. “You won’t be needing any.” His eyes went from my eyes to my mouth and slowly back up again, making my stomach do a little flip-flop. “Okay,” I whispered, and Jack gave me the sexy half smile that I loved. Jack eyed the oversized shoulder bag that I was carrying. “What’s in your bag?”

“Makeup, iPod, wallet, birth control pills.” I emphasized the last part of my response. “I would guess it would be harder to pry the iPod away from you than it was to get you to give up all of your clothes.” Jack smiled and raised his eyebrows in question. I smiled back. For a man who had only known me for a few months, he knew me so well. “The iPod goes where I go.” Sienna interrupted my debate with Jack, her question directed to Tyler. “And what are we doing?” “Staying at Mr. Romantic’s hotel and seeing how high we can ring up the room bill that he’s going to comp us,” Tyler said, matter-of-factly. Sienna giggled. “Works for me.” Jack did the one-arm guy-hug thing to Tyler and I heard him say in a low voice. “Charge anything you want, man. Show her a good time, on me.” I adored that he wanted to take care of his friend and mine and not get credit for it. *** I wasn’t sure what kind of car it was, but Jack had rented a beautiful convertible that was parked out front of the hotel waiting when we exited. He opened my door and I got in, catching him checking out my legs as I folded in. He smiled at me, not the slightest bit uncomfortable about being caught checking me out. Oddly enough, that quality was one of the things I found most intriguing about him when we had first met. He would blatantly look me up and down, admiring what he saw, and made no secret about doing it. On other men, I would probably have found it to be rude, but when Jack did it I thought it was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was that I was attracted to his confident and direct personality. Or maybe it was that he seemed to see what he wanted and made no mistake about staking his claim. Either way, I found it damn sexy. We drove through the city of Rome for a while, slowly moving through traffic. Once when we were stopped at a light, I saw a beautiful young woman waiting to cross the street in front of where we were stopped. I caught her staring at Jack. I turned to see what she was looking at and the sight of his handsome tan face, windblown hair, and square jaw, caught me off guard. I really couldn’t blame the woman for staring; he was truly an amazing feast for the eyes. Jack caught me looking and smiled before leaning over and kissing me with a beautiful, soft, sensual kiss which made my heart melt and my breath catch. As the light changed, I saw the beautiful girl still staring with her mouth hanging open. She had missed the light. We drove for a few hours and I never once asked where we were going or when we would be there. I really didn’t care. There was no place I’d rather be than where I was going, even though I had no

idea where we were headed. Eventually we turned off the highway and started to drive through what I knew had to be the Tuscany region. The hills in the distance soon fell upon us and we were transported to the middle of a beautiful postcard picture — rolling hills as far as the eye could see, a splatter of olive trees, and a skyline outlined by cypresses. Fields of wheat and sunflowers passed on one side while rustic stone farmhouses stood proudly on the other. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the beauty; it felt surreal, almost otherworldly. “Wow. This feels like a dream,” I whispered to Jack, in awe of my surroundings. “I know. It doesn’t seem real.” “I’ve seen pictures of this, but it just doesn’t do it justice.” I stopped and considered. “Have you ever been here before?” Jack squeezed my hand. “Once. I was ten or eleven. My father was in Rome on business, busy buying the hotel we were just at. My mom took me for a drive and we got lost. We wound up somewhere around here and I remember thinking I wish I could draw it, but they didn’t make crayon colors as good as this.” I smiled, thinking of Jack as a little boy traveling with his mother. How adorable he must have been. “Were you in a convertible?” “Yes.” “Were you as adorable as you are now?” Jack laughed. “I think I was more of a handful back then.” I pictured a rebellious little Jack driving around with him mom. “I wish I would have known your mom.” My voice was solemn. I hadn’t planned on saying it, but the words just came out because I meant them. “She would have loved you, Syd.” Jack smiled and rubbed the top of my hand with his thumb as he held my hand in his.

Chapter 11 It was early evening before we finally turned down a long dirt road leading to a secluded but breathtakingly beautiful stone farmhouse. We parked and Jack came around to open my door, extending his hand to help me out. I stood and took a deep breath, smelling the trees and the wildflowers all around me as I turned to take in the picturesque surroundings. “You like it?” “I love it. I feel so calm standing here. It’s so beautiful and tranquil. I feel like I just stepped through the wardrobe and landed in another land.” Jack smiled, pleased with my answer. His hand that was holding me pulled me close and he held me in his arms for a minute as he kissed the top of my forehead, before leading me to the door. The farmhouse was as beautiful on the inside as it was on the outside. The century old house had been gently updated with all of the modern conveniences, somehow without taking away from its unspoiled simplicity. Hand in hand we wandered around together, appreciating the beauty of the house. But what stopped us both in our tracks was the view outside the wall of windows at the back. The back of the house was lined with six arched windows, each open to the outside, no glass to spoil the view. Beyond the windows was a balcony that was set high about the vineyard below, offering a view of endless rows upon rows of grape vines. From the front of the house, it wasn’t even apparent that the back of the house was raised, yet the picture from the back offered a view from a perch, high above the vineyard below and the rolling hills in the distance. We stepped outside onto the balcony and Jack wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close to him. “Beautiful.” Jack’s voice was so close to my ear, it sent a shiver down my spine. “Yes, it’s absolutely incredible.” “And you smell good too.” He buried his face in my neck and took a deep breath, absorbing my scent. I turned. The feel of his rock hard body behind me, and his voice so close to my ear, sent a shudder through my body that Jack had to have felt. Would there ever come a day when being so close to him wouldn’t send my body into a frenzy? I put my hands flat on his chest, splaying my fingers out to feel the hard muscles beneath. I looked up and found Jack watching me, his beautiful green eyes blazing with desire.

“Need you now, babe.” His voice was low and serious. I nodded, unable to speak. “It’s been hell the last few weeks. All I could see whenever I closed my eyes was you touching yourself for me that night.” My heart rate sped up thinking about the night I masturbated for him over a video chat while in the back of the tour bus. Jack began unbuttoning my blouse. “Out here or in the house?” “In the house.” Jack nodded. He took my hand and started to walk toward the house, but I stopped him. “Is there anyone else on the property but us?” “Not for miles.” I smiled a devilish smile. “In the house now, then outside later.” “That’s my girl.” Jack reached down and picked me up and put me over his shoulder, not stopping until we had reached the bedroom. He placed me on my feet and wasted no time in removing my skirt. He took a step back and looked at me in my new lace boy shorts. “Pink lace.” His low simple words emanated his desire. I smiled at his reaction. I knew that he liked me in pink and lace, so I’d knowingly put the two together, wearing a pale pink set of boy shorts and a matching demi cup bra. “I need to be inside you now, babe. I’ll take my time and make it up to you later.” I had no doubt that he would. It turned me on immensely knowing that I brought such a powerful man to the point where he lost control and his need became feral. He took off his pants, not wanting or being able to wait for me to undress him. Then he walked me over to the footboard of the oversized sleigh bed and gently turned me, directing me to lean down over the footboard. I felt his hard cock push against the top of my ass as he reached around and felt my wetness between my legs. He groaned as he realized I was already ready for him and he quickly positioned his shaft into my wet slit and pushed inside of me in one long deep thrust. I gasped at the intense feeling of being filled so fully.

“You okay, babe?” His voice was gruff and he struggled to still himself while he waited on my response. “God yes, please.” My voice was barely a whisper as I pushed back and ground hard against his thick erection, already deeply seated inside of me. “Fuck, Syd.” Jack pulled out and began to thrust into me deeply, over and over, each time pounding harder than the last. After a minute I felt a build and began to join him, pushing back and meeting his punishing rhythm with each thrust as he sank deeper into my wetness. A moan escaped my throat and Jack must have sensed my impending orgasm. He shifted his hips lower, changing the position of his thrusts, slightly lifting my ass so that my toes were barely on the floor. His thick shaft swelled and the new position allowed him to penetrate even deeper, sending me spiraling over the edge of my orgasm. I moaned Jack’s name, trying to tell him I was there so that he could join me, but he already knew. I heard Jack whisper my name as he found his release, sending a jolt of thick heat coursing through my already trembling body. The sensation extended my orgasm, allowing us to ride the wave of pleasure together until we were both exhausted. Eventually he pulled out of me and turned me around, reaching down and lifting me, cradling me in his arms as he moved us to the bed and gently placed me down on top of him. I was lying completely on top of him, yet I seemed to fit perfectly where I had settled. Jack chuckled to himself. “I thought about pulling over on the side of the road to do that. You would look incredible bending over that little convertible.” “So why didn’t you?” “Because if anyone else got a look at that sexy little ass of yours, I might have to chase them down and beat the hell out of them.” I laughed. “So is that what you were thinking about while we were driving through the beautiful calm scenery?” The playful sound of his teasing response warmed my heart. “Yep. And remember that stone wall that you thought was so beautiful?” “Yes.” “I wanted to bend you over that too.” We both laughed. The lightness of our conversation was exactly what I needed after our intense

activity. We talked for an hour or two, Jack’s hand tenderly caressing up and down my body the whole time. I propped my chin on my hands on his chest and looked up at his face lying beneath me. Jack looked down at me and pushed a stray tendril of hair behind my ear, waiting for me to speak. “So what am I supposed to wear, since you wouldn’t let me take any clothes?” “I had Chloe send ahead two silk nightgowns and a bathrobe.” Chloe was Jack’s personal shopper, who I’d met a few months earlier. She had impeccable taste and picked out clothes for me better than I could have myself. “Any underwear?” “Nope.” “Just two silk nightgowns and a robe?” “I don’t plan on having you wear those most of the time either.” “How will we go to the store?” “Don’t need to go to the store.” “What about food?” “Had the house stocked before we came.” “What if I want to go outside?” “Go outside. The closest house is six miles away.” Jack was stroking my hair and stopped. “What?” “Just wondering if we have a stone wall out there in the vineyard.” I felt Jack’s arousal beneath me. “Is that all you think about?” I teased. “It wouldn’t be if you were home. But when I only get to see you once a month, I can’t help myself.” His voice was serious. I turned my head and kissed his stomach. “Home.” I smiled. “What about it?” “I just like the sound of you calling where we live home.” ***

The next morning I made breakfast while Jack was in the shower. He wasn’t kidding when he said he’d had the housed stocked before we arrived. It looked as if it was stocked for a month for a family of eight rather than two people for two days. But that was Jack and I had already come to realize the man didn’t do anything halfway. I knew Jack would eat anything I prepared without complaint, but I also knew that he cared what he put into his body and spent a good deal of time keeping it in fine shape. So I decided to make him an egg white omelette. I found fresh tomatoes, turkey and peppers. I even surprised myself at how presentable the food looked when Jack came to the table. Jack came into the kitchen as I was finishing up, and I watched as he took my empty coffee mug and filled it, fixing my coffee exactly as I liked it. He set the coffee down next to me at the stove and softly brushed my hair to the side to gain access to my neck. His lips gently brushed the sensitive skin at the base of my neck, and my body broke out in goosebumps. “Morning, beautiful. I love this on you.” Jack’s breath tickled my neck as he whispered in my ear and I felt his hands move up and down the curve of my waist, skimming the supple fabric of the silk slip nightgown that Chloe had picked out. “Good morning,” I sighed. Jack’s kisses turned into gentle sucking up and down the side of my neck and onto my collarbone. He gently moved the thin silk spaghetti strap of my slip off from my shoulder, exposing even more of my cleavage in the front as it slid from my shoulder. I had to force myself to stop him before we didn’t eat the breakfast I had made. I turned around and Jack smiled the crooked smile that always seemed to do me in. I shook my head and smiled. “Not this time. Sit.” I pointed to the chair. Jack feigned innocence, like he had no idea what I was talking about, but he didn’t move out of my personal space. “Sit. I made you a nice healthy breakfast.” Jack looked shocked that I was actually rejecting him. But he went and sat anyway. *** We decided to explore the grounds in the early afternoon. The day was much warmer than the previous day and the afternoon sun would have made it unbearable for a long walk. It felt odd to walk outside in a strange place in nothing but a silk night slip, but the heat wouldn’t have allowed for much more clothing anyway.

By the time we had made our way to the far end of the vineyard and back, we were both drenched from the heat of the afternoon. Jack wore a pair of low hung sweat shorts and a white t-shirt that clung to his chest and showed off his ridiculously toned abdomen muscles. The vineyard was beautiful, with rolling hills setting the backdrop and the most enormous sunflowers I had ever seen lining the border of the property all the way around. We decided to pack a snack and some drinks and take shelter from the afternoon sun under a beautiful weeping willow tree that stood alone in the middle of the vineyard. Jack laid down a blanket and I set out some cheese and fruits I had put together. We uncorked a bottle of wine that was made from the grapes of the vineyard and Jack poured us each a glass. I sat down and Jack peeled off his damp shirt before making himself comfortable with his head in my lap. “Your chest is so warm.” I grazed my fingertips lightly over his chest, feeling the heat emanating from him under my fingertips. My fingernail passed over his nipple, awakening it from its semi-erect state. “Your hands on me aren’t going to reduce my body temperature any time soon, babe.” I spied the ice bucket keeping our wine cool and quietly plucked an ice cube out. Holding it between my thumb and forefinger, I ran the ice up and down Jack’s chest, leaving a trail of glistening cold moisture. “You see, my hands can help bring down your body temperature.” I watched as Jack closed his eyes, taking a minute before he spoke. “Not even close, babe.” Jack sat up, his relaxed playful face gone, replaced by a look of desire and want. He kneeled in front of me and pulled my legs open, placing one on each side of him. “Lay back.” “What’s going on in that mind of yours?” Jack playfully arched his eyebrows. “You turned me down this morning. Now I’m gonna make you beg.” My breath hitched at his words. Never in my life had I known a man with such wanton sexuality. His desire to please me made me feel powerful and beautiful, like I’d never experienced before. I knew I didn’t have much experience with different men, but the experience I did have was like comparing apples and oranges. Jack was a whole different ballgame than sex with Michael. When we were together it was intimate and sensual, incredibly erotic. My years with Michael had been more about getting to the finish line rather than enjoying the trip along the way. Unlike my gesture with the ice, Jack made no attempt to hide his actions as he reached for a cube

and gently pushed me back onto the blanket. He lifted one of my legs and brought my foot to his mouth, placing a single kiss on the inside of the soft spot of my arch. He took the ice and slowly ran it along the inside of my leg, moving from my ankle to the sensitive skin on the inside of my thigh, stopping short of my most private area. After he traced the same path of ice on my other leg, he slowly lifted my silk night shirt, leaving it barely covering my breasts. He circled the ice cube around my flat stomach, slowly moving closer and closer to my navel with each excruciatingly slow circle. When my belly was glistening from melt, he gently raised the silk of my slip higher, revealing my already taut nipples. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, slowly exhaling, waiting for what I knew was to come. I could feel Jack’s eyes on me, but a minute passed and I was surprised to not feel the cold I expected on my skin. I opened my eyes and found Jack waiting. Jack’s voice was deep and velvety, full of need. “Tell me what you want me to do to you.” I closed my eyes, pushing aside the embarrassment that seeped in at the thought of the words he wanted to hear from my lips. “Open your eyes and tell me.” My eyes flew open and Jack repeated his words calmly. “Tell me what you want me to do to you.” “I want you to touch me.” My voice was a whisper as I looked into Jack’s eyes with my answer. “Show me where you want me to touch you.” I knew I had touched myself for him before, but it was different when we were thousands of miles apart and he was watching me alone in my room on the tour bus. I hesitated, but slowly raised my hand and touched my own nipple with my forefinger. “Here.” My voice came out shaky with desire. Jack reached for another ice cube and put it into his mouth, leaving the cube protruding from between his sexy lips. He kept his eyes locked on mine as he slowly leaned over my body and touched the frozen cube to my nipple. The sensation of the cold ice mixed with the heat pouring from Jack’s mouth awakens every inch of my skin. I watched in amazement as Jack circled my nipple with the cube round and round until my nipple stood pointed and full, engorged almost to the point of pain, but not quite. Our eyes never disconnected as he moved from one breast to the other, not satisfied until both were fully standing at attention. I wasn’t sure if the cube had melted on my flaming skin or if Jack’s hot mouth had scorched it to water, but there was no cold left when Jack’s warm mouth came back down on my nipple, sucking it firmly and biting down until I could no longer hold back my low moan.

I felt one of Jack’s hands travel down my stomach and linger for a moment, gently circling my clit as he continued the assault of my nipple with his warm mouth. His hand briefly left my clit, but a second later his thumb was back, making small circles as I felt what I initially thought was his finger push inside of me. But the cold sensation I suddenly felt quickly made me realize what he had done. Jack must have sensed I was about to speak, because I caught a glimpse of a devilish grin on his face before his mouth covered mine in a heated kiss. It didn’t take long for me to forget what I was about to say when his tongue thrust between my lips, consuming my mouth as only he could. A few minutes later I was so completely lost in his kiss, that I didn’t realize what he was doing until he was almost done. His mouth never left mine, as his fingers parted my swollen lips and he inserted a second ice cube inside of me. I squirmed at the sensation between my legs, my moan came out stifled between our kiss. His hand cupped my sex and I lifted, trying to rub my clit against his hand, desperate to find friction. Jack pulled back from the kiss, leaving me breathless. “Not yet.” I wanted to scream. Was he kidding me? He had made me touch myself, tortured my body with ice and made my nipples swell so much it bordered on pain, and he was going to tell me not yet? I groaned and tried to shift his body that was half lying on me to bring him fully on top of me. Jack looked down at me, slightly amused at my futile attempts. He looked sexy as hell with his messy hair and arrogant, devilish smile. He saw my frustration and kissed my mouth harshly before crawling down my body, his head stopping between my thighs. I watched as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath in, soaking in my scent, and I blushed in reaction to the intimate gesture. He raised his gaze to meet mine and his hands slipped under my ass, lifting my pelvis to meet his mouth. I knew that he was making sure that I could watch, I just wasn’t sure if it excited me or him more for me to watch him. Jack raised his eyes to meet mine as his tongue swirled around my swollen clit. The warmth of his mouth and heat of my excitement caused the ice cubes to dissolve at a rapid pace, sending a stream of ice cold water dripping from inside of me. The intensity of the different stimulations on me all at the same time hit me and I felt the familiar spin in my head as my body braced for what was to come next. A throaty moan escaped from deep within my body and at first I didn’t even recognize that it had come from me. My heart began to race and between my legs began to spasm. I bucked my hips up, pushing Jack’s face down deeper between my legs. He speared his tongue deeply into me, sucking and lapping at the moisture that continued to trickle out from inside of me. His tongue moved in and out, mimicking the rhythm his hips would make when he was thrusting inside of me.

“Jack.” My voice was so high pitched it was barely a squeak. His two long fingers pushed inside of me as his mouth moved up to take my clit with a strong deep suck, sending me into my first wave of ecstasy. I heard my voice cry his name over and over as my orgasm washed over me, but I had no control over my own sound. Just as my trembling body began to slow, Jack thrust inside of me, his thick arousal filling my already engorged channel in one deep downstroke. “So perfect,” Jack said hoarsely, his eyes locked to mine as he began moving slowly inside of me. His mouth gently covered mine and I was surprised that tasting myself on Jack’s tongue excited me. His tongue mimicked the actions of his hips, moving gently in and out and then swirling as he buried himself to the hilt to add friction to my clit. Jack’s thrusts quickened and he broke our kiss so he could look into my eyes as he came closer to his own release. I watched, finding myself needing to see Jack come undone, suddenly understanding why Jack always needed to watch me as I came undone for him. His jaw clenched as I felt the first spurt of heat spill into me. The intensity on Jack’s face and the heat from his release surprised me as it pushed me into yet another wave of rippling orgasm. Jack groaned as he realized that he had sent my body into a tremble and his thrusts became harder and faster until he was empty, my body filled with his release. Even though it was hot and humid and we were both overheated with moisture, I trembled when he eventually pulled out of me and took me in his arms, pulling me tightly to his chest. He kissed my forehead gently. “I love you, Syd.” “I love you too, Jack.” Then we both fell asleep, naked in the middle of a vineyard, in a fantasy that had somehow become my reality.

Chapter 12 Our two days in Tuscany passed way too quickly and I found myself stalling for time as I got ready to go, not wanting to bring our alone time to an end yet. We had been together plenty of nights before, but never fully disconnected from life, free from cell phones and internet and outside interference. I should have been excited to go back on tour, to live a dream that most people could only fantasize about, but the reality was that my time with Jack was better than any dream that I’d ever had. After my shower, I found Jack looking out at the vineyard, lost deep somewhere in thought. “Penny for your thoughts?” I wrapped my arms around his waist, standing behind him, taking in the view that had captured his attention. “I was just wondering how long it would take if we stayed here before someone sent a search party to drag us back.” I tightened my grip around his waist and sighed. “I don’t want to go back either.” Jack turned to face me. “You don’t?” I shook my head. Jack took my face into his hands and gently tilted my chin up to meet his eyes. His eyes searched mine for a long time before he closed them and leaned his forehead against mine. “Come on, before I change my mind and never let you go back to your tour.” Then he gently kissed my mouth and I watched as a devilish grin took over his perfect mouth. “Bottom drawer of the dresser, you have clothes to put on.” It took a minute for what he said to register, but when my brain processed his words, my mouth hung open in disbelief. “You mean I’ve had clothes here all along and you didn’t tell me?” Any other man would have looked sheepish at confessing that he had secretly kept me in little silk nighties for two days while clothes sat in the other room. But not Jack. He made no apology for taking what he wanted. “You didn’t need them till now.” “I didn’t need them?” Jack ignored the stunned look on my face and my question dripping in sarcasm. “Did you need them?” “That’s not the point.” Jack looked amused at our banter. “What is the point then?” “The point is that you made me think I had no clothes to put on, even if I wanted to put on clothes.”

“Did you want to put on clothes?” “Ughh… you are impossible, you know that?” I began to stomp toward the bedroom in search of my clothes, pretending to be annoyed when I really wasn’t. Jack grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him, holding me tightly to his chest. “But you love me anyway.” He kissed me chastely on my lips and then released me back on my path to the bedroom, smacking my ass firmly as I was almost out of his reach. I didn’t admit it, but he was right. I loved him anyway. Any way that I could have him, any way that he wanted me. Just any way. *** As we drove back to Rome, I realized I was glad that I didn’t have to go right back to the tour bus. I needed time to slowly slip back into reality from the cocoon that Jack and I had built around us for two and a half days. We arrived at Jack’s hotel, parking the car in front of the main entrance. The bellman jumped to open my door, but Jack was already making his way around the car to offer his hand, dismissing the bellman with a flick of his wrist. There was something so incredibly sexy about how Jack always treated me like a lady, everywhere except the bedroom that is. It was like it was our little secret that he was the polar opposite of his polite mannerisms once the door to our private life swung shut. Jack guided me to the front desk, his hand protectively on the small of my back as the manager smiled and spoke to him in Italian. Jack responded in what sounded to me like perfect Italian, although I really couldn’t be sure since I didn’t speak more than ten words. What I was sure of was that Jack sounded sexy as all hell as he spoke and I couldn’t help but stare at him as the words flowed from his mouth. Jack caught my gaze and I watched as the corner of his mouth turned up, silently acknowledging that he was pleased with my ardor. Eventually the manager handed over a key to Jack and turned his attention to me. “Mrs. Cole, your friend, Ms. Sienna, she say she meet you at the lobby bar, yes?” I was about to correct the manager, tell him that I wasn’t Mrs. Cole, but I saw the glimmer in Jack’s eye as I caught him watching me speak to the manager. Following Jack’s lead, I allowed a small grin to escape, silently acknowledging I was aware of his gaze as I responded to the manager. “Grazie, Mr. Benetio.” Jack directed the bellman to deliver our luggage, then we began to make our way toward the lobby bar. “I like the sound of that,” Jack whispered in my ear as he tightened his grip on my hip as we

walked. I wasn’t sure if he meant my attempt at speaking Italian or the manager calling me Mrs. Cole, but something in the way he spoke made me think it had nothing to do with my Italian. *** We met Sienna and Tyler for drinks in the lobby bar and Sienna told us all about the sightseeing they had already done. Tyler didn’t keep his hands permanently affixed on Sienna, as Jack did on me, but something about the way he touched her when he did told me they hadn’t been sleeping in separate rooms while we were gone. “Syd, we went by Olympic Stadium and you are never going to believe what we saw.” Sienna’s face was as excited as a kid in a candy store. Olympic Stadium was the venue we were scheduled to play in Rome the following evening. It was the first concert after our short break and before we moved on to eleven more cities in three weeks, starting in just two short days. Obviously I didn’t respond to Sienna’s question fast enough, because she couldn’t wait any longer. “A huge billboard! There was a huge billboard on the front of Olympic Stadium!” Sienna’s excitement was contagious and I found myself smiling, although I wasn’t even sure what I was excited about yet. “Us, Syd. We are on the billboard with Double Strife!” Sienna clapped her hands together in excitement. “Remember those shots they took of us when we were recording?” I nodded my head, vaguely remembering a few photos they’d taken of Sienna and I singing. “Well, they look freakin’ awesome. They have full body shots of us up on the billboard and we look smokin’!” Sienna giggled at her own compliment. “I mean, I think they might have enhanced certain parts of you for the picture, but damn, Syd, you look ridiculously hot. Right, Tyler?” Tyler looked to Jack and back to Sienna briefly before responding. “You both look hot. It’s pretty crazy to see you both about thirty feet tall above my head … especially when I have one hand holding Sienna’s little ass that fits in my palm so nicely.” Tyler laughed and Sienna elbowed him playfully. “Come on, I want to show you. It’s less than a mile, we can walk over there now. I can’t wait to see your face when you see the cleavage you’re rockin’ in that pink baby-doll tank you love so much!” I saw Jack’s jaw clench out of the corner of my eye and knew his protective streak was kicking in at the mention of any of my cleavage on display. I was sure Sienna was exaggerating, and thought that maybe it would put Jack’s mind at ease when he saw the picture, so I agreed to go. Plus, I was curious to see for myself.

I turned to Jack. “Do you mind taking a walk?” Jack swallowed and stood. “Let’s go check it out.” *** I had assumed that Sienna was exaggerating about the size and sexiness of the poster, but if anything she was downplaying it. The billboard was tremendous, spanning the height of the stadium and prominently displayed just to the left of the main entrance. I was wearing a simple, pretty pale pink top with jeans and high heel wedges. Sienna was dressed in all black with a red scarf hanging loosely around her neck. I was leaning over laughing and Sienna’s head was thrown back as she smiled. It wasn’t the outfit or the size of the billboard that made it sexy, it was the angle from which the photo was taken. As I leaned over, my cleavage was on display, almost spilling out of my top. And considering the size of the billboard, the cleavage appeared substantial, making me wonder if Sienna’s initial comment about photo enhancement might really have been true. Sienna was leaning back and her shirt had ridden up, leaving a hint of her pale skin glowing between the black of her clothes. The playfulness and innocence of our laughter appeared almost voyeuristic, as it was captured by the lens that had taken it. I was speechless as I took in the enormity of the billboard. At first, I hadn’t even noticed the same size billboard hanging on the other side of the main entrance prominently displaying Justin and Kyle. Sienna screeched with excitement. “What did I tell you, Syd? Hot, right?!” I smiled at her confidence and then looked to Jack, who was still staring at the billboard, his face unreadable. “It’s big, that’s for sure.” I nervously laughed as I studied Jack, waiting for any indication of his thoughts. Lucky for me, Sienna didn’t have my patience. “What do you think, Jack? Your girl looks smokin’ hot up there, doesn’t she?” Jack unglued his eyes from the billboard and stared at me as he spoke to Sienna. “She looks sexy as hell. Not sure how I feel about every other man in the vicinity of Rome noticing it too though.” Sienna rolled her eyes and took my hand, handing her iPhone to Jack. “I want a picture of us standing under the billboard.” She began to run toward the billboard, dragging me in tow. When we were positioned close enough to the billboard, but still far enough so that the photo could take in the breadth of the billboard, Jack lifted the iPhone to snap the photo.

“Wait! We both need to stand sideways, so that you can see that my boobs are bigger than Syd’s, because that picture makes it look like the other way around.” Sienna positioned herself standing sideways so that the silhouette of her figure would allow for a good view. Then she grabbed underneath her breasts from over her shirt and pushed them up, emphasizing the fullness of her cleavage. I playfully rolled my eyes and giggled at the vulgarity of the gesture that was totally Sienna. “Okay, take the picture now!” Sienna yelled to Jack, who shook his head in mock ridicule before taking the photo. *** The rest of the evening Jack was quieter than usual, but not so much that Sienna would have noticed anything was wrong. Although, to be honest, when Sienna was excited, she was a one woman show, and most people didn’t stand a chance at sharing the attention anyway. The four of us made plans to have breakfast together in the morning before spending our last full day in Rome taking in some of the required tourist attractions. We had agreed to spend the day touring the Sistine Chapel, the Pantheon, and Trevi Fountain. I wasn’t an incredibly religious person, but the Sistine Chapel had always been a place I wanted to go for some reason. By the time Jack and I finally returned to our suite, I was exhausted and couldn’t believe it was still the same day that had begun with us together in Tuscany. We were both quiet as we shared the bathroom doing our nightly routines at the double sinks side by side. I wasn’t sure if Jack’s somber mood was from the long day or if the billboard had bothered him more than he had said. We got into bed and I snuggled into the crook of Jack’s shoulder, my fingers spread wide on his broad chest, playing with the light smattering of hair dotting his breastbone. Jack trailed his fingers up and down my back lightly and the silence of the room suddenly beat loudly in my ears. “Are you upset about the billboard?” My voice came out quiet, barely above a whisper. Jack exhaled loudly, as if he was relieved to finally say the words. “Not at you, babe.” He squeezed my shoulder gently, pulling me even closer against his side. “I understand.” I truly thought I did. Jack shifted, easing my back onto the bed, and lifted his body over me, his forearms on either side of my head, absorbing the weight of his body. The room was dark, but my eyes had adjusted and I could see the light in his eyes above me. “Do you, Syd?” He pushed a lock of my hair behind my ear as he spoke tenderly. “I think I do. You don’t want men looking at me. I get it. You don’t even notice the way that women

look at you when you walk by. I get the urge to smack them when I see them taking more than a peek. So I can’t imagine that I would be happy if you were on a thirty foot display, perhaps with these sinful abs showing.” I rubbed my handed across his hard abdominal muscles. Jack was quiet for a moment before he spoke. “It’s more than that, Syd. Yes, the thought of men looking at your beautiful face and body up there makes me want to stay outside the coliseum and hurt every man that takes more than a friendly look, but it’s not just that.” Jack’s eyes searched mine, looking for something before he continued. “You’re mine Syd. And I don’t want to share. Not a picture, not a smile, not a touch. All of it is mine. Only mine. You were made for me. That sexy mouth belongs to only me. I wake up every morning craving that body that wiggles beneath me. That body that surrenders as soon as it’s filled with me. It’s mine and I need it so bad it physically hurts when I reach over on the bed and find your warm body isn’t there. So, yeah, I’m not happy about the picture. But it’s the rest of it that’s killing me.” His words brought tears to my eyes. It was incredibly possessive, but also the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me, but I still didn’t get the connection to the billboard. Jack’s thumb wiped the tear that escaped away tenderly. “I don’t want to lose you, Syd. I know I have to give you this space to live your dream, but I’m afraid your dream will take you away from me.” I could hear the strain in Jack’s voice and it physically hurt inside of my chest. My beautiful, smart, dominating man was afraid. Afraid I would leave him. The fact that he chose to share his vulnerability with me made me fall for him even more, if that was even possible. “You aren’t getting off that easy, Mr. Cole. I’m coming home the minute this tour is over. And I’m going to leave my underwear on your bathroom floor and spread my makeup and hair products all over your neat bathroom countertops. I’m going to take over more than half your closet and litter your kitchen with the unfathomable … a coffee pot. And I plan on snoring while you go for your ten mile runs and decorating your sleek mantel with goofy pictures of us that you won’t like.” Jack lowered his face closer to mine and whispered. “Ours.” I furrowed my brow, confused at his sole word. “Our bathroom floor, our bathroom countertop, our kitchen, our mantel.” I had no idea how to respond, so I didn’t. Instead I kissed him with everything I had. A kiss to tell him I wasn’t going anywhere.

Chapter 13 Our day of being tourists in Italy was fun, until we hit Trevi Fountation. Everything had been perfect up to that point. Jack and I tossed coins into the fountain and made wishes. Sienna asked Tyler to take a picture of me and her in front of the fountain, while Jack grabbed me an iced coffee at the nearby café. The fountain was a popular tourist spot and it seemed to be crowded with a young, rowdy crowd. Some of the tables were filled with guys drinking and making a bit of a spectacle of themselves. As Sienna and I stood in front of the fountain smiling for our photo, a tall muscular guy approached, seemingly oblivious to Tyler, who was about to take the picture. “Hey, aren’t you two the babes from the billboard on the coliseum?” At first he seemed harmless, and our response was pleasant, if not friendly. Sienna replied. “Yep, are you coming to see the show?” She winked and did her infamous fan flirtation. “Hey guys, look at this.” The large guy motioned to his friends to come over and I watched as the table of guys who had been drinking began making their way over to us. I saw Tyler move in closer, his face changed from smiling to apprehensive. “These are the two chicks from the billboard on the coliseum. You got great tits, baby.” The man took a step closer as he pointed in my direction. I didn’t respond, thinking it best not to add flame to the alcohol which was already burning inside the drunk asshole. One of the guys that had walked over yelled, “Show us your tits. I got a hard on just looking at you bent over in that picture.” A few of the guys now huddling around us snickered at the comment. The big muscular guy took a step closer to me and reached out his hand. “Come on, babe, take a picture with me.” Tyler caught the guy’s hand in mid air as he reached for me. “You got a problem, asshole?” The muscular guy squared his shoulders and puffed out his chest in Tyler’s direction. Jack suddenly appeared and stood in front of me, ignoring the heated exchange taking place behind his back. “You okay?” he asked in a low, controlled voice. “Yes, I’m fine. I just want to get out of here.” Jack looked to Sienna. “I’m fine. Let’s just get out of here, Jack.” The look on Jack’s face was

murderous and made me even more nervous than I had been a minute ago. Jack turned to the ringleader and took a step in his direction. I watched as the man steadied himself in response to Jack’s aggressive posture. “You got a problem, pretty boy?” The man stood toe to toe with Jack, neither backing down. Jack spoke calmly, too calmly. “You owe the ladies an apology.” “I don’t owe them shit.” The man’s face moved closer to Jack’s. Thankfully, a police officer walked over and interrupted at just the right moment. “Do we have problem, gentlemen?” The officer’s words may have been spoken in broken English, but he pulled out his baton as he spoke making his point crystal clear. The ringleader took a step back and held up his hands. “No sir, no problem here.” The officer looked to Jack and I watched his jaw clench. “We were just leaving, officer.” Jack turned to me and took my hand without another word and the four of us walked away unscathed. *** Four hours later we were still having the same argument. “I’m getting you security.” “I don’t need security.” “You need damn security, Syd.” Jack’s tone grew more heated as he unloaded his pockets onto the desk in the living room of our suite. “The rest of the tour we are going to be so busy we will barely even have time to go off on our own.” “What about when you go to dinner before a show?” “We are always with other people.” “I don’t trust other people. I trust a trained security professional.” “But—” Jack turned to face me, his expression stopped me in my tracks. I had never seen him so angry before. “I try hard to not get in your business, Syd. But I need to know you are safe running around half of Europe obliviously with your friend.”

“I’m not oblivious.” Okay, so maybe I was oblivious at times, but it definitely wasn’t the time or the place to admit it. A knock at the door broke our staring contest and I went to open the door, grateful for the interruption. My hand was already on the door handle when Jack barked. “Ask who it is first, Syd.” Damn it. I would normally ask who it was before I opened the door, wouldn’t I? My argument with Jack was just making me lose my wits. “Who is it?” I asked with an attitude through the door. “Housekeeping, Mrs. Cole. I have a garment bag that Ms. McAllister asked me to deliver to your room. She said you would know what it was.” Damn it. I had forgotten all about the dress that I had planned to show Jack. I opened the door and apologized for my attitude, attempting to tip the kind-faced older woman, but she refused to accept a gratuity. I took the dress and walked toward the bedroom without saying a word to Jack. Jack stood in the bedroom doorway, his body taking up most of the passage. He watched as I hung the garment bag. Jack motioned to the dress bag. “Going somewhere?” I looked at him and narrowed my eyes. “Yes.” Jack raised an eyebrow, surprised at my answer. “Where?” “To an awards show. At least I was planning on going. But I haven’t been asked yet.” I watched as what I was talking about registered on his face. The corner of Jack’s mouth twitched and turned slightly up. I saw a hint of his cocky smile before he tried to cover it with indifference. “Put on the dress.” “Why?” I asked, with a mouth full of sass. “Because I want to see what the most beautiful girl will be wearing when I show her off on my arm.” Right. Damn. Answer. I turned my back to him so that he couldn’t see me smile, taking the dress bag with me as I went into the bathroom to change. I quickly fixed my makeup and ran my fingers through my hair after slipping on the dress and

shoes. Even without proper preparation, I knew I looked good when I saw my reflection in the mirror. It was the dress. Sexy as hell and fit like a glove. I opened the bathroom door and stood in the doorway, posing as Jack’s eyes took in the dress. He didn’t say anything, so I waited, then slowly turned, giving him the full effect of the dress. I looked up at Jack as I completed my slow circle and our eyes met. His eyes were filled with desire. He made no attempt to hide his slow gaze up and down my body one more time before he spoke. “You’re definitely getting fucking security.” For some reason, when he looked at me that way and told me what I was doing, I didn’t mind it so much. I let out an exaggerated sigh. “Okay.” Jack smiled and I rolled my eyes. He took two long steps and was quickly in my personal space. “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” Then he helped me take off the dress.

Chapter 14 I don’t know why, but Jack leaving me at an airport was much easier than me leaving him outside the tour bus. Maybe it was because I was the one making the choice to go and I could have jumped off the bus before it pulled away and made the decision to go back home with him and live my happily ever after. It had been hours since our bus had pulled out of Rome and I’d watched Jack standing outside alone until he was completely out of view. But there was still a lump in my throat and a feeling of emptiness inside my chest that made me feel hollow. I knew Jack was going straight to the airport for his flight, but it hadn’t made it any easier to walk onto the bus and take those first few steps away from him. My phone buzzed and I smiled, seeing Jack’s face on the screen indicating a text had arrived. Your new security will meet you at the next stop. Boarding now, call me when you get up tomorrow. Can’t stop thinking about you in that red dress. We may need security at the awards too with the way you look in it. Fuck, now I have to board for an eight hour flight with a hard on bc of the picture in my head. I grinned and rolled my eyes at the screen. The man had no shame. Sienna caught me smiling and broke into my thoughts. “Finally, a smile. I thought you were going to walk around looking like someone had just shot your puppy for the next two weeks. Was it a dirty text from loverboy that made you smile? If you want, I can walk around being all alpha male kickass demanding if it makes you feel better.” I shook my head at my best friend, a smirk telling her that I thought she was crazy. Sienna stood and puffed out her chest and did her best husky low monotone deep-voice impression of Jack. “Syd, you don’t need any clothes for our trip. Me Tarzan, you Jane.” She pounded her fists against her chest. “You will be naked and ready for me whenever my twelve inch dick rises to attention.” I threw the closest thing to my reach at her that wouldn’t leave a permanent scar, Jack’s sweatshirt that had been sitting next to me. I’d taken it when we were packing because it smelled like Jack. Sienna lifted the sweatshirt to her nose and took an exaggerated deep inhale, sniffing the sweatshirt. “Yum, loverboy’s sweatshirt even smells good. I’m still a little pissed that you saw him first.” Sienna joked. I laughed at her playfulness, thinking it would probably be a good time to tell her about our new security, which I was pretty sure she was not going to be happy about. “Um, Loverboy has hired us security. He went a little crazy after the incident at Trevi Fountain and

decided it wasn’t safe for us to be traveling without a professional now that we are starting to be recognized.” Sienna seemed to think about it for a minute and then shrugged her shoulders. “He’s probably right. There are some crazies out there.” Really? Did Sienna just agree with my overprotective boyfriend’s assessment of our safety? “You aren’t annoyed that we are going to have some goon following us around?” Sienna shrugged again. She seemed to be fine with it. “Is the goon hot?” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. *** The next few shows went by quickly and we were heading for our fourth city in as many days when our bus stopped unexpectedly in the middle of the night, jarring me from my sleep. I tried to ignore the stop and go back to sleep, but I heard talking outside and decided to find out what was going on. Sienna was already outside of the bus talking to Kyle when I made my way down the stairs. “What’s up? Is everything okay?” My voice was groggy and raspy. “We’ve been having bus trouble all night. It wasn’t letting us go over forty the last hour, but now the damn thing is shaking and maxing out at twenty. Vince doesn’t want us to drive any further. He thinks we might make whatever is wrong worse and he’s worried about seizing the engine.” “Where are we?” I looked around and it looked like the middle of nowhere. Kyle shrugged as he spoke. “Halfway between bumfuck and nowheresville.” Justin walked over to where we were standing. “Vince will stay here with the bus and get it towed to the nearest shop in the morning. Kyle and I and the rest of the band will bunk with you guys. They’re going to load the extra equipment we need to haul now. If the bus isn’t fixed by first thing in the morning, we won’t make it to the show. We’ll take what we need just in case.” The solution sounded logical to me and Sienna didn’t seem to mind. We all pitched in and moved what had to be moved and loaded back onto our bus. It took almost two hours of maneuvering the extra equipment under the bus to get it all to fit, but we were back on our way as the sun began to rise. Justin sat back on the couch, reaching his long legs across to the chair on the other side of the aisle. “Why does your bus smell so good?” Sienna shook her head at Justin’s comment. “Because we smell good, haven’t you noticed?” Justin looked at me and smirked, returning his attention to Sienna a few seconds later. “Oh, I

noticed how good you smell. Tell me, Sienna, do you smell that good all over?” Justin cocked an eyebrow with a sexy grin. “You’ll never know, you pig.” Sienna laughed as she threw a pillow at Justin’s head, who didn’t seem to take her comment as an insult at all. Instead, he caught the pillow and propped it behind him as if she had been passing it to him for his comfort. *** Sienna and I woke the next morning to guitar playing from the front of the bus. We had both fallen back to sleep after the bus change and I was surprised that we had slept until almost eleven. I walked out from the only private bedroom on the bus and watched as Sienna pulled the covers over her head as I exited. Clearly she wasn’t going to join me for my morning coffee. “Hey,” I said to the guys as I walked directly to the coffee pot and pulled out a mug. I plopped myself down on the end of the couch and listened to Justin playing a riff that was familiar, but I wasn’t quite sure of the song. I sipped my coffee and listened contently until he finished. “That’s nice. What song is it to?” “I think I’m going to call it Fate,” Justin replied, his eyes catching mine. Then I remembered the song he had played in the bar that night, the one I could have sworn he had sung to me about me being his fate. I felt my face blush and just nodded at Justin, not knowing how to answer. *** Before the show, Vince called with an update on the bus situation. Apparently, whatever had broken on the bus hadn’t been repairable and they had to order a few parts. They had overnighted the parts, but it would be another day and a half before the bus would be drivable again and be able to catch up to the tour. It wasn’t really too cramped with the extra people on the bus, but in the pit of my stomach I knew Jack wouldn’t be happy with the new sleeping arrangements when he found out. An hour before the show, my suspicion was confirmed when I called Jack to say goodnight. I knew it would be the middle of the night in New York by the time the show ended, so I made my nightly call before we went on. The bus was finally quiet since most of the guys had gone in to do a sound check, something Sienna and I had done a few hours earlier. “Hey,” I smiled, hearing Jack’s voice on the other end. “I was just going to call you. I think Mateo took a short cut to go around some road construction

and now we’re about twenty blocks further than we started.” Mateo was Jack’s driver and I pictured Jack telling him what streets he should take to get back to where they were headed. Of course Mateo knew exactly where he was driving, but that wouldn’t stop Jack from giving him direction on the best route anyway. I chuckled into the phone. “Are you harassing Mateo?” “No, but if he would have taken 79th instead of 77th, as I told him, we wouldn’t be stuck in this traffic.” His voice was loud, clearly making his point to both Mateo and I as he spoke. I smiled to myself, thinking how well I knew Jack’s personality. “Listen, we had some bus problems and we are all packed into our bus for the next day or so.” “I heard.” “You heard?” At first I was confused, but then I realized of course he had heard. Arminio, our new security, probably reported every step we took to him. The security detail turned out to be less intrusive than I had imagined. Arminio kept his distance and didn’t get involved in our business — or at least I had thought he didn’t until then. “Is your admirer keeping his distance?” I knew he was referring to Justin, but I wasn’t going to give Jack the satisfaction of pretending it was obvious. “My admirer? “You know, the one with the tattoos that sings songs to my girl and wants in your pants?” “Very nice, Jack.” Jack chuckled. “Well, if you’re going to pretend you don’t know who your admirer is, I need to be more direct then, don’t I?” “Direct is your strong suit,” I replied sarcastically. We talked until it was almost time for me to go on, and I told Jack I would call him the next morning. “Lock your bedroom door.” “Yes, Jack.” I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn’t see me. “Stop rolling your eyes at me and say goodnight, Syd.” How did he do that? I shook my head and said goodnight in a frustrated tone, which made Jack chuckle even more.

*** It was a beautiful night and our post-show party ended up taking place right outside of the bus rather than moving to the nearest bar as we occasionally did. A few excited fans were allowed to join us, who I noticed were all attractive females wearing tight clothes. Some of the girls were nice, asking for Sienna and I to pose for pictures with them and Justin and Kyle, but others must have viewed us as threats to their chances of hooking up with the guys, and gave Sienna and I attitudes. When it was finally time to pull out, our bus became a rolling party on wheels. Adding four men to the bus completely changed the dynamic from the usual post-show bus ride that Sienna and I would have had alone. Sienna and I took on Kyle and Justin in a Rock Band drinking game that we’d created, where the team with the lowest score at the end of each song had to do a shot. Perhaps Sienna and I should have thought about the fact that both Kyle and Justin were professional guitar players before accepting the challenge. By the end of the fifth song, I was slurring my words and definitely feeling no pain. Lucky for me, I knew my limit was rapidly approaching and pulled out of the game while I could still walk. Sienna, on the other hand, was never able to walk away from a challenge, and Kyle’s constant goading only made her more emphatic that she would win. Which never happened. Eventually, Sienna stumbled to bed and I watched Kyle take the hand of the groupie who had been parked patiently next to him all night and lead her to the back of the bus. I knew there were groupies, but seeing it firsthand still shocked me. They would get on a bus filled with men they really knew nothing about and spend a night, only to be dumped at a rest stop the next day, usually hundreds of miles away from where they had started, when they were no longer needed. I looked to Justin, who was sipping a beer and staring out the window at the other end of the couch. We were suddenly alone and the room was quieter than it had been since they had all joined us. “Doesn’t it bother you guys to sleep with women that have no idea who you really are? They want the rock star and don’t seem to care who the man is.” Justin turned his attention to me. “Sometimes you take what you can get.” “That’s not true. You guys can get whatever you want.” Justin poured a shot of tequila and handed it to me. I took it, knowing I probably shouldn’t after all I had already drank. But Justin and I had finally started to get along again and I didn’t want to turn him down.

“Not whatever we want, Syd.” Justin held up his shot and motioned cheers and I watched as the liquid disappeared down his throat in one long swallow. Justin truly was a handsome man, chiseled features with a rock star edge that easily elevated his status to swoon-worthy for his female fans. I swallowed my shot and it dawned on me as my head became fuzzy that Justin could have brought any of the women who had been hanging on him all night back to the bus, but he hadn’t. I handed Justin my empty shot glass. “Couldn’t find one that you wanted tonight?” My words came out slightly slurred. Justin’s face moved closer to mine, as if he was going to tell me a secret. “Oh, there was one that I wanted tonight.” His voice was a low whisper, his words spoken with intimacy. It must have been the tequila slowing my brain, but it wasn’t until that moment that I realized what he meant. I raised my eyes and found Justin’s eyes searing into me, blazing with desire. It made my breath hitch unexpectedly and Justin noticed it. I watched as he looked from my eyes to my mouth and then back to my eyes again. Then he leaned in and kissed me. It all happened in slow motion, yet so fast that it took me a second to realize what was happening. Between my brain swimming in tequila and the softness of his lips on mine, I may have taken a second too long before pulling away. But I did pull away. “I’m sorry, Justin, I can’t. I’m in love with Jack.” My words were brutally honest and I hadn’t thought about what to say — the words just fell out of my mouth. I watched as the gentleness in Justin’s eyes changed from desire to hurt, and his tender face contorted into anger. “You’re a fucking tease, Sydney.” “What?” I was surprised at his words, but even more shocked at the venom that spilled from his tone. I was halfway to drunk, but I knew Justin was barely buzzed so it definitely wasn’t the alcohol talking. “You sit there and flirt with me all night like you’re innocent and then when I react, you tell me you’re in love with the porn king.” His words hit me like a slap in the face. I didn’t really care if he called me names, but talking badly about Jack was not something I could sit there and listen to. I was just about to speak when Justin stood, looking down at me as he spoke. “I knew he looked familiar but I couldn’t place his face until I saw the news a few weeks ago. He looked mighty cozy with the porn queen. How long do you think it will last before he goes back to a pro, Syd?”

And with those parting hurtful words that roiled in my stomach, Justin stomped back to the bunks and left me sitting on the couch with my head spinning. *** The next few weeks were rough. I was growing tired of being on a bus and tired of avoiding Justin. The day after Justin kissed me on the bus, I contemplated talking to him, clearing the air between us when we were sober and trying to move forward. But Justin didn’t have time to talk after that. He had a new girl every night from there on, sometimes more than one at a time, and other days more than once a day. I was just grateful that their bus had been fixed quickly or I would have had to have disinfected the bus on a daily basis, sometimes more than once a day. For his part, Justin seemed to steer clear of me too, which was more than fine with me. I didn’t know if Justin had told Kyle about what had happened, but I could tell the way that he looked between the two of us on occasion that he knew something had occurred. I had confided in Sienna the next day, and then thrown around the idea of being honest with Jack about what had happened. But after a day of thinking it over I decided it was probably best to keep it to myself until I saw him again in person. Nothing had really happened in the end anyway. And telling Jack would only make him upset, leaving him to wonder what I was doing each night we were apart. It was definitely a conversation that needed to be had in person, rather than on the phone separated by thousands of miles.

Chapter 15 The first night I was back in New York for my planned visit home was surreal. At first, it was odd to go home to Jack’s instead of where I had lived when I’d left for the tour. I wondered if it would feel weird to walk in and out without knocking and if it would ever feel like my old apartment had to me. In the nine weeks that I had been gone, Jack had moved me out of my apartment and into his. Although I had technically lived with him for a few months, I hadn’t stayed there since I had been just a guest before I left. Even though my break was only four days, we spent the whole first day and night in bed together. We ordered in for food, but other than that we didn’t see another soul for 24 hours. We didn’t even turn on the television. It was just me and Jack, and it warmed my heart to feel that he didn’t want to share me as much as I didn’t want to share him that first day. The second night I was home was the night of the AVN Awards. I was nervous about the night and had no idea what to expect. Jack told me the event was run like any other awards ceremony, beginning with a red carpet and ending with various parties thrown by the industry. The only difference, according to Jack, was that the performers receiving awards were adult film stars instead of mainstream celebrities. But being that I had never been to either a mainstream celebrity award show or an adult entertainment award show, I was a bundle of nerves as I got ready. I looked in the mirror one final time before leaving the bathroom, excitement mixing with my nerves. I knew I looked good, but it didn’t help to calm the jitters I had about being in a room filled with beautiful people with perfect bodies. Jack stepped into the bedroom from the living room at the same moment I entered the bedroom from the master bathroom. What I saw took my breath away. Jack’s normally disheveled — but in a completely sexy way — hair, was slicked back in a look that conjured up a celebrity from fifty years ago. He looked like he had just stepped out of a Cary Grant movie in his perfectly-tailored tuxedo, with a black bow tie and crisp white fitted shirt. He was always jaw-droppingly handsome, but that night he was beyond spectacular. He looked like a celebrity of yesteryear, the kind that people put up on a pedestal for their classic good looks. Jack stood in the doorway and smiled at me and my heart rate accelerated at the sight of him. After I’d had my fill of taking him in, I watched as Jack did the same to me. I’d heard the phrase undress you with his eyes a thousand times before, but I never fully understood it until I watched Jack’s eyes take me in. As was usual for Jack, he made no effort to hide his indulgence, which excited me even more. “You look amazing. I’m torn between wanting to show you off and making you wear my jacket all night.”

I smiled and rolled my eyes at him, but I secretly loved his possessive compliment. “Come here.” I looked at his face and knew what he wanted. “Jack,” I warned, “you’ll mess up my dress and give me just-fucked hair.” Jack raised his eyebrows, amused at my comment, a devilish cocky smirk on his face. “Babe, we’re going to the AVN Awards. Just-fucked hair is a good thing.” I laughed at his comment, but made no movement toward him. “You going to come here, or do I need to come get you?” Jack’s voice was low and a bit menacing. But I knew how he worked. He didn’t threaten. If I didn’t give in, he would most certainly come and get what he wanted. Jack watched as I deliberated my next move in my head. I saw the amusement in his eyes. He was a lion who had his prey cornered and was thinking about playing with it for a while before he went in for the kill. “Jack!” I warned. “I don’t want to wrinkle my dress.” “I’ll take it off.” Jack took one step closer to me. “But we’ll be late.” “I’ll be quick.” Another step closer to me. “I’ll be all flushed. You know how I get afterwards.” “You look sexy as hell afterwards.” One long stride and he was in my personal space. As promised, my dress wasn’t wrinkled when Jack helped me slip it back on twenty minutes later. *** Being late had its advantages too, because it meant less time to walk the red carpet and get our picture snapped, something I wasn’t entirely comfortable doing. But Jack held me tight, never letting me leave his side as photographers yelled for him to turn this way and that way for pictures. Some yelled questions, asking my name, which Jack ignored like a master. A few particularly obnoxious ones yelled, “Where is Jenna tonight?” and I felt Jack’s grip on my hip tighten each time her name was mentioned. Inside, the large auditorium was set up with round banquet tables, each with almost two dozen seats. I wasn’t surprised to find Jenna at our table, but it didn’t make me want to scratch her eyes out any less when she kissed Jack on the cheek and whispered something in his ear. Jack introduced me to a few

unfamiliar faces around the table, most of whom it was easy to tell were the “talent.” But I wasn’t forced to participate in small talk because the lights dimmed only a few minutes after we were seated. Over the course of the night, Cole Productions won more than a handful of awards and I was pretty sure they walked away with more statues than most of the other studios combined. Jack never went up to accept an award, even when it would have been appropriate. I noticed that almost all of the other producers found their way to the stage, and inevitably took a turn in front of the microphone, even when the category was for best cinematography. But not Jack, he didn’t edge his way into the limelight of the people who worked for him. He simply stayed in the background and supported them. It made me even more proud to be with him because of the way he handled himself, rather than for the number of awards his company received. At the end of awards, there was literally a line of people waiting to talk to Jack. I stood dutifully at his side, watching him uncomfortably receive hugs and kisses from beautiful actresses who were spilling out of their dresses. After one particularly large breasted young girl who looked barely old enough to buy a ticket to an R rated movie, no less star in an adult film, rubbed herself on him while thanking him for putting her in a film that she had won an award for, I excused myself to go to the ladies room. I wasn’t mad or upset, I just needed a few minutes away from it all. Jack reluctantly agreed to release my hand so I could go the ladies room, but I managed to convince him that I really did need to use the bathroom and that everything was fine. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to find Jenna in the bathroom when I stepped out of the stall. She seemed to like to follow me and get a few cheap shots in when we were all alone. “Sydney, so nice to see you again. I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to stop in and visit our Jack.” Jenna’s plastered fake smile couldn’t even begin to conceal her obvious intent. I walked to the mirror next to where Jenna stood, not about to let her cut me down, and worked on reapplying my lipstick. “I wouldn’t really consider it a visit to Jack, since I live there now. It would be coming home.” I smiled back at the gawking woman. Saccharine had nothing on my smile. My instinct was right, she hadn’t known that I had moved in with Jack. I wasn’t sure if it pissed me off that Jack hadn’t told her or I was happy that he didn’t share his personal business with her. “Well, whatever.” Jenna failed at her attempt to seem disinterested at the news I had just shared. “Just remember—” she smiled at me as she positioned herself behind me, looking at me in the mirror as she spoke “—I’m always here if he needs me when you’re gone.” And with that she walked out of the bathroom. Oddly enough, her thin veiled threat didn’t bother me. I actually found it desperate and pathetic. *** I was glad that Jack didn’t want to go to any of the after-parties. He told me that he wasn’t wasting

any more of my short break by socializing with business associates, but I had a sneaking suspicion that Jack didn’t want to expose me to the type of activities that went on at the after parties. I had overheard quite a few of the women discussing the events of last year’s parties and it definitely wasn’t something I wanted to witness firsthand. But whatever the reason, we were back home at a decent hour and I was glad I had gone to support Jack, but also grateful that it was over. I had mentioned to Jack that his tuxedo smelled like perfume that wasn’t mine, which seemed to have caused him to not only change as soon as we got in, but to shower as well. I had changed into a tiny slip nightie while Jack showered and was looking at the movies in the cabinet in the living room when Jack walked out with a towel wrapped around his waist. “Is this … the film?” I was suddenly embarrassed, remembering my reaction to the film I was seeing in its finished state for the first time. At my request, Jack had taken me to the production studio one day for a sort of day in the life of Jack type of tour. While there, we’d watched a highly erotic BDSM film being made, which led to the most intense sexual experience of my life back in Jack’s office after watching such an incredibly sexual act up close for the first time in my life. Jack wrapped his arms around me, his naked damp chest pressed to my back. I could feel his arousal through the towel wrapped tightly around his waist. Lucky towel. “What film?” I could tell by his tone that he knew exactly what film I was talking about. He turned me around to face him, keeping me pressed tightly against his body, his dirty crooked smile a giveaway that he knew what I was referring to. “You know what film.” Jack lifted his eyebrows, feigning innocence. I rolled my eyes. “The film we watched being made at your office.” “You mean the film that got you so turned on that you were soaked before I even touched you?” Jack’s voice was low and thick, insanely damn sexy. I’d once joked that his voice and the way he looked at me might actually be enough for me to find my own release, but I suddenly wondered if maybe it were actually possible. I blushed. “Yes.” I forced myself to maintain eye contact, even though it embarrassed me to admit that what he’d said was true. “God, I love that it embarrasses you to talk about you getting turned on. It’s so fucking sexy.” Jack’s eyes were blazing as he spoke. “How did the film do anyway? Did people like it as much as we did?”

“No idea.” Jack buried his face in my hair, gently kissing my neck. “Isn’t it out yet?” I shivered as his tongue began to explore my neck, licking its way up to right beneath my ear. “No, it’s not released.” “Oh.” I tilted my head to the side to give him better access to my neck where he was gently sucking. “When is it being released?” “Never.” Jack’s word was muffled against my neck, as he didn’t bother to stop what he was focused on to respond. “What do you mean, never?” The words came out a whisper, it was becoming difficult to speak. The sucking on my neck had changed from gentle nudges to a firm pressure. Jack drew his head back to look at me, keeping his eyes on mine, his face only two inches away. “Because I couldn’t share it with anyone. The image of you watching it with your sweet innocent face and wide eyes while that incredible body came to life in response is a beautiful memory for me. I don’t want to tarnish it by sharing it with anyone.” My eyes widened in disbelief. “So you pulled the entire movie from production?” “No, I had the production finished, then I shelved it.” “You shelved it. So no one will ever see it?” “I was hoping someone would see it.” I could tell by Jack’s sexy smile that he meant me. “But you aren’t ever going to sell it? Isn’t that a huge loss?” My brain was still trying to wrap around what Jack was telling me. “I have the only two copies. If you get half as excited watching it as you did the day it was filmed, I would say that’s a big win, not a loss.” How was I supposed to respond to such an insane, sweet, crazy gesture? I paused for a minute, thinking of my response. Then I decided. I pulled the movie off the shelf and put it in the DVR player and pressed play. *** It didn’t take long before we were at the spot in the movie that Jack and I had watched be filmed live in his studio. The scene was about a dominant and his submissive, and the dom was about to punish the sub for something she had done. I watched as the dom fingered the thick red silk scarf secured as a

blindfold over the sub’s eyes, transporting me back to the day it had been acted out live in front of me. I remembered watching the workmen buckle and secure the black leather straps and chains around the sub’s naked body. Chains and straps were wrapped securely around the front of her exposed breasts and a loose silver chain hung from clamps attached to her nipples. The woman was attractive, but was made more striking by the contrast of the dark leather to her pale white skin. Her wrists were secured with leather cuffs and bound together behind her back. A heavy chain hanging from the ceiling was clamped to a hook woven into the back of the chains wrapped around the sub’s waist. The chain was taut, lifting the woman’s heart-shaped ass slightly into the air. I watched the flat screen in front of me, mesmerized by the intimacy of the couple on the screen. I felt like a voyeur watching the couple in their intimate private moment, yet in the back of my mind I knew the room had been filled with people. The dom held a black leather paddle and spoke to his sub. “What’s the punishment for being disobedient, Faith? “Six paddles, Master.” “That’s right. And you will not cum tonight. If you cum without my permission, the punishment will be much harsher. Do you understand me, Faith?” “Yes, Master.” Master slowly circled around to the back of the table and stood behind Faith. He reached out and put both hands on her perfect ass and gently caressed for a minute. Then he took a step back and a moment later the black leather paddle he was holding connected loudly against her ass. Faith gasped but said nothing. Instantly her right ass cheek reddened. Master moved closer and rubbed it gently. Then he knelt down and licked the other cheek slowly from top to bottom until her left cheek glistened. As I watched, I felt a familiar swelling between my legs. Master stood again and pulled back his arm and an even louder smack sounded as the paddle connected with her wet cheek. Faith gasped again and let out a low moan. Master rubbed the left cheek and then stepped back again. He positioned his long erection in his hands and stroked up and down firmly a few times. Then he took one step forward and rammed himself straight into Faith without warning. My breath hitched as I watched him enter her finally. I’d seen porn before, but not like the erotic act playing out before me. The picture on the screen was so graphic and crystal clear, I could actually see Faith’s moisture glistening as he slid his thick swollen cock inside of her. He stayed planted to the hilt for a long moment and then slowly circled his hips round and round.

Another small moan escaped from Faith and Master pulled halfway out and then slammed in and out twice more before pulling all the way out. I had never been excited by the thought of being punished, but as I watched Faith I found myself again wondering if maybe there was more to it than pain. I’d heard there was a fine line between pleasure and pain, that if it were done correctly the line could blur and pain could bring unimaginable pleasure. I had never before thought that submission was something I could do, but as I watched I found myself picturing that I was Faith and Master was Jack. Jack squeezed my hand and I turned my head to find him watching me. It brought back the memory of the day in his office, where I’d found him intently watching me instead of the actors in front of us. For a split second I was embarrassed that I was visibly aroused, but then I heard another loud smack and forgot everything else except for the couple on the screen. Master continued his punishment with another round of alternating smacks and licks, and after the fifth paddle Faith’s ass was bright red and I would have sworn the color on her ass matched my face. I was completely turned on and couldn’t tear my gaze away as Master finished the sixth paddle and again positioned himself behind Faith’s ass, ramming into her with one deep long plunge, then slamming in and out of her relentlessly until he earned a high-pitched squeal. Once more, he stopped abruptly and circled the table in search of Faith’s mouth. I watched as Faith hungrily swallowed Master’s long hard cock and he punishingly fucked her mouth until he erupted in a ferocious growl. Master pulled out just in time to empty himself all over her face and onto her hungry, wanting tongue. I felt Jack’s hands go under my body and I was quickly scooped up into his arms. He carried me to the bedroom without a word and gently laid me down in the middle of the bed. “Do you trust me, Syd?” I looked Jack in the eyes, not needing any time to consider my answer. “Unconditionally.” Jack nodded and stood, walking over to my lingerie chest. He opened the drawer and pulled out two pale white stockings, the kind I wore with a garter. He held one up, stretching the sides between his two fisted hands, showing me what would become my binding. My face couldn’t mask my nervousness, but Jack didn’t see that underneath my hesitation was arousal and excitement. “You okay?” Jack moved closer, stopping in front of me. “I think so.” I swallowed hard, trying to force down the lump in my throat. “I’m not going to use a paddle on you, Syd.” I was oddly disappointed, yet relieved at the same time.

Jack watched my face and responded with a sexy wolfish half smile. “Not this time anyway.” He gently took my wrist in his hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing the inside of the palm of my hand. He caught my eyes and slowly lifted my wrist over my head, giving me plenty of time to object. He bound my wrist to the side of the iron headboard and tugged gently on the bind. “Too tight?” His voice was a low whisper. I shook my head, no. He moved to the other side of the bed and repeated his actions, gently kissing my hand before binding it above my head to the headboard. When I was sufficiently bound, Jack grabbed the delicate fabric of the tiny strap of my silk slip dress and tugged hard, surprising me. The fabric tore in his hands easily and Jack took in my startled reaction. He slid the fabric down my body, rubbing the silk firmly against my curves as his hands traveled slowly down the length of my body. Jack removed the towel that he had been wearing and crawled up the bed, spreading my legs easily and kneeling between them. I initially felt exposed and helpless, but then the look on Jack’s face told me that I had all of the control. He ran his fingers up and down my legs, firmly pressing and massaging as he went. His big hand moved from the outside of my leg to the inside and I wiggled in anticipation. “If you don’t stay still, I will tie up your legs.” I stopped moving, knowing Jack was not one to make a veiled threat. Jack smirked and took one foot and kissed the top, placing it back down on the bed so that my leg was wide. He did the same with the other leg, gently kissing, then spreading it wide. His positioning left me wide open and more exposed than I had ever been. “Can you keep still in this position?” His words were softly spoken and I felt them in a dark part of me, deeper than I had known existed. I nodded my head. “Say the words, Syd.” “Yes, I can keep still.” My words were a whisper of anticipation. Jack smiled and bent over to kiss my belly. Soft, gentle kisses turned into firm sucks and light nips as I felt his hands traveling north on my inner thighs in a slow torturous ascent. His kisses moved south and met his hands as he firmly but gently eased two fingers inside of me. I moaned, and lifted my hips off the bed, careful not to change the position of my legs.

“So wet for me already.” Jack swirled his tongue around and around on my swollen clit as his fingers pumped into me, setting a slow, rhythmic pace. Without thinking, I went to reach down and dig my fingers into Jack’s hair, but my binds held and tightened around my wrists as I struggled. The feeling of being bound while his mouth assaulted me and his fingers fucked me was incredibly intense. I cried out, “Jack!” “Beautiful, baby. Fucking beautiful.” His words came out in a hot breath against the sensitive skin of my swollen clit, sending a jolt all the way down to the tops of my toes. My pulse quickened and Jack must have sensed how close I was because his fingers pumped in and out of me faster and faster. “Come for me, baby. I need to see you.” His words were enough to send me over the edge. It wasn’t a slow build, it was like being hit by lightening. My whole body began to convulse and I screamed Jack’s name as I thrashed my head from side to side. I hardly recognized my voice as I repeated Jack’s name in a whimper, over and over again. I was only vaguely aware that Jack had untied me, until I felt his strong arm underneath me, flipping me over onto my stomach. Jack leaned his body over my back, pressing his erection against the top of my ass, and I felt his breath at my neck. “I’m going to take you this way,” he whispered in my ear. Jack pulled a pillow under my head. I was in such a fog that I was relieved that Jack was still giving the orders. “Keep your head on the pillow.” Then he lifted me at the waist, drawing my ass into the air, on my knees to support myself. I was again completely exposed, my ass prominently on display, vulnerable to Jack’s intentions. “I’ve never seen anything sexier than your perfect ass in the air, waiting for me to take you from behind.” I felt his words in the pit of my tummy, the same feeling as hitting the high point on a rollercoaster right before the fall. I felt Jack’s finger on my spine, tracing the path from the middle of my back down through the crack of my ass. Jack’s other hand positioned himself at my slick opening and I was startled at the strength that he slammed into me. “Aagh,” I cried out, more startled than in pain. “You okay, baby?” “Yeah, I just didn’t expect that and I wasn’t ready for it.” Jack eased out a little and rotated his hips, stretching me wide. A few tender strokes and then: “You ready for me yet, baby?” “Yes, I’m good.” I barely finished the three little words when Jack was already slamming back

inside of me. He growled on a particularly deep thrust forward and found his rhythm. Each thrust was hard, almost punishing, and his pace was fast and furious. I’d never felt Jack react that way before. It was as if he needed to conquer me. It was exquisite and I wanted nothing more than for him to take me. Conquer me. Make me fully his. “Syd!” Jack cried out as he spilled into me. The heat from his orgasm detonated my own unexpectedly. We both cried out together before we collapsed into a heaping pile of bones. “Wow,” I said, when I was finally able to breathe again. “That was amazing.” We lay on our sides, and Jack pulled me close against his body, my back glued to his front. We were both covered in sweat and I could smell my arousal in the air, thick around us. “Definitely not a loss.” Jack kissed my shoulder blade from behind. *** I don’t know when we fell asleep, I only knew there was a phone somewhere that needed to stop ringing or I might hunt it down and trample it. I was physically and emotionally spent. I had no idea if we had slept two hours or twenty hours, but I was not ready to be awoken yet. The phone finally stopped ringing, and I had began to slip back into dreamland, when the ringing started again a few minutes later. I felt Jack’s arm leave my side and then the ringing stopped. “Hello?” I was not happy that he had answered it. Whoever it was could wait. I felt Jack’s body go tense. I couldn’t hear the person on the other end of the phone, but it sounded like a woman, which instantly brought me out of my slumber. “When?” I heard the woman on the other end speak, but couldn’t make out the words. “Where is he?” More mumbling from the unknown woman. “Okay, thanks, Betty.” Betty? It took me a minute to sort through my mental rolodex and recall who Betty was — Jack’s father’s longtime assistant. “Yes … I will.” Then Jack hung up. Jack sat up in bed, his feet on the floor, elbows on his knees, hands holding his dropped head as he spoke. “My father had a massive heart attack.” His words were so quiet I struggled to hear them.

Jack turned to face me. I could see he was struggling with whatever he felt and it broke my heart. “I’ll get dressed.” I jumped out of bed and headed for the closet, but I noticed that Jack hadn’t moved yet. I turned back and looked at his eyes, which were still looking in my direction but not quite focused. “Jack?” Jack’s eyes came back to mine and I could see he was searching for something. Eventually he nodded in silence. *** The cab ride to the hospital was quick since rush hour hadn’t started yet. Jack was quiet the whole way, and I wasn’t sure what to say, so I held his hand in silent support. The front desk told us that Jack’s dad was in ICU and we followed directions through a series of hallways, which eventually led to an elevator bank. Outside the elevator on the 11th floor, a nurse’s station with a curtain did little to hide the dozen patients in beds and the sounds of beeping monitors. Jack was the type of man who took the lead wherever we went. It was just who he was. At a restaurant he would give the name to the hostess, at a bar he ordered our drinks from the bartender, in a store he paid the cashier and left her with a flirtatious smile without trying. So I knew he was struggling when we walked up to the nurse’s station and she asked us for the name and he didn’t respond. “Are you family?” The nurse looked to both of us questioning. “Yes, I’m his daughter in law and Jack is his son.” I squeezed Jack’s hand as I spoke, hoping he would recognize my need to lie so that they would let us both in. The nurse pointed to the far corner of the room, where two women were working on a man and we began to walk in that direction. “Mrs. Heston?” It took me a minute to realize that the nurse was calling after me. I turned back to the nurse. Her voice was low and full of empathy as she spoke. “The doctor just left. He will be back in a few hours, but I should warn you….” The nurse hesitated and it looked as if she was carefully choosing the right words. “Your father in law’s heart has been very badly damaged, and he is on life support. The machines are breathing for him now.” What was the nurse trying to tell me? Was Jack’s father going to die? People had heart attacks all the time and survived. I suddenly felt a wave of nausea and the room began to spin. “Mrs. Heston, are you alright?” The nurse’s voice was full of concern as she took a quick step

towards me. Jack seemed to snap out of his fog and I heard panic in his voice when he spoke. “Syd, are you okay?” He turned to stand in front of me, grabbing my shoulders to steady me. I took a deep breath in and struggled to regain my composure. I was supposed to be there supporting Jack, not the other way around. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. Sorry, hospitals sometimes make me queasy.” I feigned a small smile. Jack watched me for a moment and then nodded, seemingly satisfied at my answer. We walked over to Mr. Heston’s bed and the sight startled me. The usually tan, vibrant man was pale and hollowlooking. There were machines moving up and down and monitors flashing numbers, all feeding from wires draped loosely from his lifeless body. Jack stood looking at his father for a long time without saying a word. Long minutes passed as my heart ached, watching the man I loved looking lost as he stared down at the lifeless body before him. Eventually, I pulled two chairs from the foot of the bed over to the side so that we could sit next to him together. The man that lay before me looked so helpless and lonely. I knew how Jack felt about him, but it still broke my heart to see him that way. I couldn’t imagine what Jack must have been feeling. Without thinking, I reached out and took the man’s hand. My eyes welled up as the hand didn’t respond to my touch. I just knew someone needed to comfort him at that moment, no matter what he had done in his life. I saw Jack’s jaw tense out of the corner of my eye, but he didn’t say a word. “He shouldn’t be alone now,” I whispered to Jack. Jack studied me for a moment and eventually nodded his head, taking my other hand in his. Hours went by, but it felt like days as we sat and waited for the doctor to come in. When the doctor finally arrived, he explained that they were going to take him for a head scan to check for brain activity and we would know more after we received the results. When the transporters came to take him, the nurses suggested we go find some coffee and breakfast. I told Jack that we should probably call Betty, as I sipped my coffee looking out the window at the rush hour traffic outside. He agreed, but I was surprised when he handed me his phone. I gave Betty an update and promised to call her when I had more news. *** It was at least three hours later, and we had resumed our positions next to Mr. Heston’s bed, by the time the Doctor came back. I watched for any sign of life as I held his hand, but the more time that passed, the less hope I had.

“Can we speak out in the hallway, Mr. and Mrs. Heston?” The doctor’s voice was somber and I didn’t think our conversation was going to bring good news. Jack and I followed him dutifully to the hall, our clamped hands never loosening. “I’m sorry to tell you, but the repeat scan found no brain activity. It’s been twelve hours, so the chances of any meaningful recovery have drastically decreased. We will repeat the scan in twelve hours before making a final diagnosis, but, at this point, you may want to begin to prepare yourself.” The doctor paused to let us take in the enormity of what he had just told us. “Does your father have a DNR?” The doctor looked to us both, and I looked to Jack. “I have no idea.” Jack squeezed my hand as he spoke. “Is there anyone that would know?” Jack didn’t respond. I put my free hand on Jack’s arm. He was squeezing my hand so tightly that my fingers were starting to go numb. He looked down at me in response to my touch. “Betty, maybe?” I had no idea who else Mr. Heston was close enough to entrust anything of that magnitude to. Jack nodded and looked back to the Doctor. “We will make some calls. Thank you, Doctor.” *** The next twelve hours felt like months. The nurses suggested we leave and come back, since there was no change in his status, but Jack didn’t seem to want to go anywhere and I thought that Mr. Heston shouldn’t be left alone anyway. I knew how Jack felt about the man, but there are times in life when all old grudges and animosities have to be set aside, and it was definitely one of those times. By the time the doctor came back after the third scan, I was already sure what it would confirm. I had sat with Mr. Heston’s cold, lifeless hand in mine for almost a full day and I already knew that the man was gone. The shell was still being kept alive by machines, but my heart told me that his life that once was, was over. The doctor confirmed my suspicion and we called Betty to messenger over the original DNR form that she had already faxed to the hospital. Even though I had never met Betty, I knew who she was when I saw Jack’s reaction to the older woman walking through the ICU toward us. He looked at her the way a boy looked at his mother. I knew she had been with Mr. Heston since Jack was a baby, but the way he looked at her confirmed that they had all been close once. “You didn’t have to bring it down yourself, Betty.” Jack’s words said one thing, but I could tell he was comforted by the woman’s appearance.

Betty reached out and pulled Jack into a hug. “You boys are my family, this is where I belong.” Jack nodded and attempted a small smile. “Betty, this is Sydney.” The old woman surprised me by pulling me in for a hug. “I’m so glad I finally got to meet you, Sydney. I’ve heard so much about you.” Interesting. I wondered who had told her whatever she had heard. “It’s nice to meet you too, Betty.” *** I’m not sure what I thought was going to happen when the time came to turn off the life support, but whatever was in my head was definitely more climatic than how it happened. When the time came, a young doctor we had never met walked over and said a few words and then simply turned off all of the machines except the heart monitor. It took about five minutes. The three of us, Betty, Jack and I, stood together and watched as the numbers slowly declined. Seventy-five. A minute later, fifty-two. Forty. Another minute later, twenty-seven. Finally, the slow descent hit zero and the blips on the screen that once were mountains became flat plains. Betty and I cried quietly as the doctor turned off the last monitor and manually checked for a pulse that he knew was already gone. It felt ceremonial rather than necessary. “Time of death, 6:52am.” Jack stood there staring at what was once his father. He didn’t speak or cry or even make a single sound. I gave him a few minutes of silence before I eventually squeezed his hand in a silent gesture to ask if he was okay. When he turned to look at me, his face was indifferent, and for a moment I thought he might be in shock. Then I watched as his face changed from stone to concern, when he took in my tears. A quiet sob escaped me when he took his thumb and gently wiped away my tears. *** Jack was still quiet as the three of us made our way out the front door of the hospital. It felt odd to leave, knowing that we were leaving such a big part of Jack’s life inside that would forever be changed. Jack had called Mateo to pick us up and offered Betty a ride home, which she politely declined. We both hugged Betty goodbye and Jack walked her to her waiting cab. She stopped as she was about to get in and looked up at Jack. “I know it’s not my place, but you should know that your father loved you a great deal. He just didn’t know how to show it. I think Mrs. St. Claire was getting through to him and I know he was grateful to her for giving updates on how the two of you were doing.” The old woman looked frail, the last twenty-four hours having taken its toll on her. She smiled at me and reached up and kissed Jack on the cheek. “I’m sorry for your loss, Jack. Call me later when you feel up to it and I will help you make arrangements.”

I watched Jack close the door to Betty’s car, stunned at what I had just heard. At first I wondered if I had even heard right, because Jack didn’t seem to react to what she had just said. But then I replayed her words over and over in my head and realized that there was no way to mistake what she had said — Jack’s father had been keeping in touch with my mother. Jack didn’t say much on the way home, but he still gripped my hand tightly. I tossed around whether or not to bring up the bomb that Betty had just dropped, but the look on Jack’s face told me it wasn’t the right time to talk about it. Jack had been through enough the last day and he didn’t need me to open old wounds and stir up more hard feelings toward his father. *** I was growing more concerned about Jack when he was still quiet at home. I made us breakfast since the two of us hadn’t really eaten much in the last twenty-four hours. Jack ate, but was still uncharacteristically quiet. Neither of us had slept in more than a day and I thought that perhaps a nap would make us both feel better. I knew we had to deal with funeral arrangements, but a few hours wouldn’t have made a difference. I drew the blinds in the bedroom, blackening out the beautiful day outside. I crawled into bed and rested my head in the crook of Jack’s shoulder, where it fit like the spot was made for me. Jack wrapped his arms around me and let out a deep breath. My voice was a gentle whisper. “Are you okay?” “Yeah.” “Do you want to talk?” Jack was quiet for a moment before he spoke, “Not now, I just want to hold you, Syd.” “Okay.” Jack tightened his hold on me, his arms wrapped firmly around my body. I couldn’t have gotten up if I tried — not that I wanted to be anywhere else. His grip didn’t even let up as I listened as his breathing slowed and he finally fell into sleep. *** Later in the afternoon, I made funeral arrangements with Betty. Jack was there too, but he stayed quiet, deferring any decisions to Betty and I. I called my parents in the evening, but I didn’t have a chance to ask my mother about her talking to Jack’s dad because Jack was always right next to me.

Chapter 16 The first afternoon of the funeral was a blur of businessmen in suits and introductions to people whose names I would never remember. Jack didn’t let go of my hand the entire afternoon. I was happy that he could lean on me and that I was able to bring him whatever comfort I could give, but he was still keeping everything pent up and it concerned me. The evening session was different than the afternoon, and seemed to have brought a younger crowd. Many of Jack’s friends came by, including Tyler and almost all of the guys I had met during the week we’d spent in Hawaii. Jack’s mood seemed to lighten by having them around and I was grateful that they could give him that distraction. I was sitting with Jack, talking to Tyler in the front row, when I saw my parents and Sienna walk in out of the corner of my eye. I actually did a double take, thinking I was seeing things, because I’d had no idea that they were coming. Jack saw my face and followed my line of vision. He gave me a small smile. Jack released my hand reluctantly. “Go ahead, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I kissed his cheek and walked briskly to the door. “I had no idea you were coming!” I hugged my parents and best friend. “Of course we came, Syd.” My mom spoke first. “You both should be around family at a time like this.” Her words warmed my heart. She spoke about Jack as if he was already part of our family. Sienna whispered in my ear. “I came for moral support, but if I happen to find a young, handsome, rich relative of Jack’s here that is anything like Jack, that would be a bonus.” Sienna winked at me. I knew she was teasing; she would have come if the only people at the funeral were nuns. I felt Jack come up behind me a minute later. Even if his presence didn’t still give me goosebumps all over when he came near me, I knew him when he stood near me instantly. Since the day I’d met him, he had been standing in my personal space. Not near my space, in it. If any other person stood that close I would have hated it. In high school I’d had a friend who was a close talker and it drove me crazy; I’d constantly take a step back whenever he spoke to me. But Jack’s invasion of my space had always been a turn on for me. For some reason I didn’t find it rude or annoying. When he invaded my space it reminded me of a lion guarding his cub. It was possessive and sexy and just oh so Jack. Jack extended his hand to my father, waking me from my momentary lapse of consciousness caused by Jack’s stance behind me. “Jack Heston, Mr. St. Claire. Nice to meet you.”

My father extended his hand. “Please call me Bill, son. I’m sorry this is how we finally got to meet.” Jack nodded, accepting my father’s condolences. He leaned over and kissed my mother’s cheek. “Renee, thank you for coming.” Sienna extended her condolences and I watched as the two of them spoke for a few minutes before Tyler walked over and greeted Sienna with a kiss on the cheek. Sienna and Tyler’s relationship was definitely interesting. They could spend days in a hotel room together acting out their every fantasy, yet in public they looked like nothing more than old friends. I had always envied Sienna’s ability to separate her relationships into different compartments and recognize them for what they were. *** I almost didn’t recognize Jenna when she approached. Dressed in an appropriate black-fitted suit with her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, it was the first time I’d seen her with so little skin exposed. She smiled at Jack adoringly as she approached, but I caught her real smile falter when she finally let her eyes wander from Jack long enough to realize I was standing next to him. “Jack, honey, I’m so sorry about your father.” Jenna kissed his cheek and held onto his arms as she spoke. Jack thanked Jenna using the generic chatter that I had heard him repeat a hundred times before that day. Knowing that his reaction to her condolences and touch gave him the same reaction as the dozens of men in suits I had met in the last day gave me a secret gratification. I noticed he quickly reclaimed my hand. And I caught Jenna’s eyes as she noticed too, which made it much easier to fake my smile as we greeted each other. *** It was almost the end of a very long first day of services when I excused myself to go to the ladies room. We had been sitting in the front row while Jack was talking with the Vice President of the Heston Hotels, so it was a good opportunity for me to slip away. Jack stood as I stood, always the gentleman, and I kissed him on the cheek as I made my way toward the back door. I saw my parents talking with Sienna and Tyler in the back and figured I might as well kill two birds at once. “Mom, want to take a walk to the ladies room with me?” “Sure, sweetheart.” I couldn’t help but notice my father immediately stood when my mother stood. I internally smiled, thinking for the first time that Jack had some of my father’s favorite qualities.

Luckily, the bathroom was empty, which gave me the perfect opportunity to get some much needed answers from my mother as to why she had been talking to Jack’s dad. I watched my mother’s reaction through the mirror as I washed my hands. “Mom, why didn’t you tell me you were keeping in touch with Jack’s dad?” The look on her face told me that she hadn’t been expecting my question. “He asked me not to.” I looked up at my mother, catching her eye, my look telling her she clearly needed to elaborate. “He told me what had happened … with him and Jack, and that Jack didn’t speak to him anymore.” “He told you what happened?” I turned to face my mother. I was surprised, yet cautious, at what he may have told her. From what Jack had told me about his dad, he wasn’t one for admitting his faults and sharing the truth. “He told me about what he did and how Jack had caught him while his mother was sick.” My mother’s voice was low as she spoke. I looked at my mother, wide-eyed, surprised that Jack’s father had shared so much. “He told me it wasn’t just the one time that made Jack cut his ties.” “Did he tell you that his wife was dying when he was having affairs with prostitutes?” “I knew she was dying. He didn’t share the prostitute part, but he admitted he was unfaithful.” “So what did he want from you? Did he think you could be his deliverance from evil?” I asked the question with the attitude I suddenly felt. I was annoyed that my mother had spoken to him, knowing that Jack had good reason for cutting his ties. What was she thinking, exchanging personal information with a man who Jack clearly hadn’t wanted to share with? “No, he just wanted to hear about his son.” My mother’s voice was subdued and I knew she felt guilty. I just wasn’t sure if she felt guilty for being caught or guilty for what she had done. “So why call you?” “He found out about you after your trip to Hawaii. Which, I might add, was sooner than I knew about you having met someone.” Only my mother could throw in a jab about me not telling her about a man I had met when she was in the midst of her own allocution. I rolled my eyes and she continued. “He heard that his son was miserable when he got back from Hawaii, so he stepped in to bring you two back together.”

Jack’s dad had gotten us back together when he’d asked me to perform at the Heston annual meeting, where he knew Jack would be, but I had never known the reason why. “So he hired me to sing to get us back together?” My mother took a deep breath. “Yes. He thought it was his fault that his son was afraid of commitment because of the poor example he had set, so he wanted to do anything he could to help.” My mother looked to me, as if it was my turn to speak. No way was I letting her get off that easy. “Go on.” I could tell there was a lot more to her story that she hadn’t shared yet. “He ran some sort of a background check on you and found out about your engagement to Michael. He initially wanted to know if things were really over between you and Michael — he was concerned for Jack.” My mother paused and let out a mired sigh. “I felt bad for him, Syd. He was so desperate to hear about his own son that he was reaching out to a total stranger. You may not understand it now, but parents screw up all the time. So do children for that matter. But a parent’s love is unconditional. We don’t stop wanting to help them and take care of them just because they’re mad at us.” “So what did you tell him when he asked about Michael?” “The truth. Well, not all the details, but I told him that Michael wanted you to be someone other than who you were to fit his lifestyle, that you weren’t ready to settle down until you went for your dream.” My mother paused and considered before speaking again. “I told him Michael was never the right man for you.” The last of the puzzle pieces finally snapped into place. “So he made sure I got my dream, so I wouldn’t do the same thing to his son?” My mother made a face. “I wouldn’t put it like that, Syd. He may have had a hand in you getting on the tour, but it was your talent that got you your dream. He wanted to see you both happy. Happy together.” I had heard enough. The headache that had been threatening in the back of my head all day had suddenly found its way front and center. I rubbed my temples to find some relief, but it wasn’t the kind of ache that could be cured that easily. My mother reached out to hug me and I took a step back. Did she really think what she had done was okay? She had been going behind my back for months, speaking to Jack’s dad. I felt completely betrayed. “Don’t,” I said as I put my hand up, warning my mother to keep her distance. My tone clearly left no room for discussion. My mother looked at me, waiting for more. “I need to be with Jack. I can’t deal with this now.”

My mother frowned, but nodded. Not that she had a choice. *** Jack knew something was wrong the minute I returned to his side. “What’s wrong?” He hadn’t even excused himself from the conversation he was in the midst of. He took one look at my face and I became his sole focus. “Nothing, everything is fine.” I took Jack’s arm and stood tightly by his side. Jack abruptly dismissed the two gentlemen he was speaking with and turned to face me. He lowered his voice. “You’re upset. Who were you just with?” I looked up at Jack. His beautiful green eyes looked sad and tired and it broke my heart. “My mother.” Jack looked around the room, searching for someone. “What did she say?” “Can we talk about it at home later?” Jack clenched his jaw and looked into my eyes. He nodded and kissed the top of my forehead. “It’s almost time to go. You need some sleep tonight.” I nodded, feeling relieved that he was letting go of his inquisition so easily. I smiled up at him and reached up on my tippy-toes and kissed his nose. “After you tell me what happened. You need sleep, but first you’re going to tell me what upset you.” I should have known I would only get a short reprieve.

Chapter 17 Jack took the news about his father’s conversations with my mother better than I had expected. He was still quiet, but he somehow seemed relieved that it wasn’t something even worse that had upset me. The rest of the funeral was uneventful. My parents and Sienna came again the second day, and even though I was pissed at my mother I was happy that she had come to support Jack. Jenna came the second day again too. She must have exhausted her conservative wear, because her outfit the second day was not typical funeral attire. I watched as she turned every man’s head as she sauntered in, even my father’s, to my disgust. The woman oozed sex, but in a cheap and tawdry way that seemed to attract men in droves, yet repel women. I hated how comfortable she was being physical with Jack. Jack was the type of man who intimidated people; unsolicited touches didn’t feel welcomed. Yet Jenna touched him in a way that was familiar, and every time I saw her touch him it reminded me that Jack had once been with her. I knew it was trite and childish to be jealous of a woman expressing her condolences at Jack’s father’s funeral, but I just couldn’t help myself around that woman. *** I was due to rejoin the tour the day after the funeral, but Sienna was great and had already spoken to the tour manager and managed to get me a few extra days off. She was going to open for Double Strife solo, with one of the backup singers pitching in for the songs that needed two people. Jack seemed relieved that I didn’t have to leave so soon, although he told me he was fine and I could go back if it was going to be a problem. I hadn’t really had a chance to think about what I would have done if the tour manager hadn’t given me a few extra days off, but I was certain that I wasn’t ready to go back quite that soon. Things quieted down after the funeral, although Jack had to go into the office once for an emergency board meeting. Apparently, they had to elect an interim CFO to fill in for Jack’s father. I couldn’t imagine that they didn’t already have too many overpaid executives that they couldn’t have just held off a few more days to give Jack some time. But then again, I didn’t know much about boards or running an international company. I tried to get Jack to talk about how he felt, but he just kept telling me he was fine. To an outsider, he may have even seemed fine, but something was still off. It was hard to put my finger on it, but something was different. He was quieter than usual and definitely less sexual. I didn’t expect him to jump back into normalcy after all that had happened. But I was hoping that he would at least acknowledge how he felt. But he didn’t, he just went on, steady and forward, never a tear shed. It worried me.

Maybe if I had felt like Jack had made some progress in the normal grieving process, I would have felt better about going back on tour. But a few days after the funeral, I was even more concerned about leaving. I thought about not rejoining the tour, but I couldn’t do that to Sienna. She was excited that I was coming back and had even admitted that playing solo to a crowd of the size she was having to entertain was a lot more difficult than she thought. Jack took me to the airport the evening of my flight and I cried in his arms before I left. It was the closest I’d ever seen Jack come to crying when he looked at me and saw me so upset. His eyes welled up and he looked distraught, but he held it together. The tour still had almost six full weeks left and the schedule between shows was tight. I had thought it was bad enough to not see each other for six full weeks before Jack’s father died, but after everything Jack had been through, it was going to be torture to not be able to see him. Touch him. Hold him. Give him comfort when the day finally came and he needed it. Grief was a process, so I knew that day would eventually come. I just had no idea when.

Chapter 18 Getting back on stage in Spain the first night back on the tour was the easy part. Spending the rest of the day trying to focus on anything but Jack, alone, thousands of miles away, was the hard part. We spoke on the phone twice a day, once when I woke up and once before he went to bed. We seemed to fall back into the routine we had developed before his father had passed easily enough. But something still wasn’t right and I knew it. I spent some of each day researching the grieving process and what I could do to help, but everything seemed to center around supporting the person and just being there when they needed you most. That was the difficult part. It was hard to accept that Jack might need me and I wouldn’t be there when the time came. As if my internal struggle about being back on tour the first week wasn’t bad enough, Justin was being an asshole too. He made a few snide comments about my taking advantage of the tour and not being there those few days I missed after Jack’s dad’s funeral. But most of the time he was drunk and ignoring me, which I had come to like better than being the target of his rude comments. *** It was almost two in the morning in Spain before I called Jack for what would be my goodnight call and his morning call because of the time difference. The concert had lasted almost an hour later than planned, but then again it had also started an hour later since Justin had showed up later and drunker than usual. “Hello.” At first I thought I had dialed the wrong number when I heard a woman’s voice on the other end of the phone. Then I realized who the voice belonged to. I cringed at the sound. “Jenna?” “Who else would answer Jack’s phone?” I envisioned Jenna’s wicked grin on her overly made up face as she spoke. “I actually don’t know why anyone would answer Jack’s phone, Jenna?” I attempted to remain calm, using all the saccharin I could muster in my tone. “I suppose I’m answering it because Jack isn’t here to answer it for himself, Sydney. He must have left it on my desk after our long talk.” I wanted to jump through the phone and smack her. But the reality was I also wanted to know what their long talk was about, and my mother had taught me well that you get more from honey than vinegar.

“Well then, thank you for picking it up. I’m sure he will be looking for it soon.” “Of course. Whatever I can do to help Jack. I’ll always be here when he needs me. He’s been so down after his father’s untimely death, and I really think our little talks help him.” It felt like an arrow had pierced through my heart. The thought of Jack turning to Jenna for comfort made me physically sick to my stomach. But what did I expect, I knew he had been struggling since his father’s death, and what did I do to help him? I’d flown off to Europe and left him in the hands of a porn star who would like nothing more than to give him comfort, in more ways than one. “I’ve gotta go, Jenna. Tell Jack I called.” I hung up without waiting for a response. Jenna knew exactly what she was doing, planting a seed that would slowly fester and grow. And it worked. I tossed and turned for almost three hours before falling asleep that night. Visions of Jack confiding in Jenna, or worse, seeking physical comfort with her, stirred in my head like a cyclone. *** Two nights later we wrapped up the last show in Spain and I begrudgingly agreed to join Sienna and the bands at a post-show celebration. I felt badly that I had become such a downer on the tour bus with Sienna, although she constantly told me that she understood I was going through a tough time, leaving Jack after everything that had happened. So even though I wasn’t in a party mood, I headed to the local bar that the tour manager had scoped out for our post show party. I did my best to put on my game face. Sienna deserved to celebrate and not have me bring her head down. And so did the guys in the band. I spent half an hour talking to Kyle and the guys, doing my best to feign excitement for the last few weeks of the tour. The truth was the tour was going great, Double Strife was incredibly popular in Europe, and the single that Sienna and I had cut back in Italy was getting a lot of play time on the radio. I should have been ecstatic. But all of that just didn’t seem so important anymore. Justin hadn’t been around the first hour in the bar, and I was actually relieved since he seemed to take such pleasure in giving me a hard time lately. The room was more lighthearted when he wasn’t around, and I sort of felt like I wasn’t the only one that noticed it. But Justin eventually stumbled in, as was his usual m.o. of late, a girl tucked under each arm. The bar went crazy at his appearance and I sat in the background with Kyle, watching Justin, the perfect badboy rock star signing autographs and making the girls swoon effortlessly. “He being a dick to you still?” Kyle asked, as I observed Justin from a distance. I shook my head and smiled at Kyle. Justin was being a dick, but blood is always thicker than

water, so it was best that I kept my opinion to myself. Kyle laughed. “You really are sweet, Syd. Justin’s been a complete douchebag to you since almost the beginning of the tour, and you still won’t say anything bad about him.” “Justin and I used to get along so great. I’m not sure where we made a wrong turn.” My words were sincere. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Syd. And don’t let him make you feel that way. He’s just brooding because he can’t have you.” Kyle paused and glanced over at his brother again before continuing. “My brother’s changed a lot in the last few years, and I can’t say it’s all been for the better. “Why does he even want me? He can have any woman he wants!” “I don’t think he ever got over you from when he had that crush on you years ago.” Kyle chugged the rest of his beer. “And you’re a catch and a half if I might say so myself, Syd.” Kyle winked and made me laugh. When Kyle said nice things to me, it felt like it was coming from my brother, a completely different feeling than what I felt when his brother spoke. I leaned over and kissed Kyle’s cheek. “Thank you, Kyle. You’re a good friend.” Kyle didn’t have time to respond before two women sandwiched him. They didn’t even seem to notice that I was sitting next to him and having a conversation. I smiled as Kyle shrugged and focused his attention on his new friends. When I looked back over at Justin, I found him staring at me. His eyes caught mine and startled me with the amount of anger in them. *** I figured after two hours of partying with the band I had put in enough time and could sneak back to the busses to get some sleep. I knew from experience that the bar party had at least a few more hours of life in it, if not more. I made my way through the crowd to find my security and let him know that I was planning to head back to the bus after a quick trip to the ladies room. The back of the bar was quiet, the bathroom down a long narrow hallway that seemed to drown out the loud music and party coming from the front. I heard someone enter the bathroom, but didn’t expect to find who I found when I exited the stall. I gasped at the sight of a man leaning against the bathroom sink, his arms folded across his chest. “Justin, you scared me!” “So what, Syd? The porn king isn’t enough for you, you started fucking my brother too?” Justin was angry and drunk and his slurred words bit with venom.

“I’m not even going to respond to that, Justin.” I walked to the sink, intent on ignoring Justin’s raging angry accusations. Justin took a step closer. “You’re a whore. I don’t even know why I wasted my time.” My reaction was instinctive. My hand came up and slapped Justin’s face hard and fast. He didn’t even have time to react before it hit him. Justin’s face turned with the force of my slap, and then slowly turned back to face me. The evil smile on his face sent a shiver of nerves up my spine and I was quickly reminded of my surroundings. Alone. With a drunk angry man who stood a foot taller than me and no one within earshot. My feet caught up to my brain and I attempted to sidestep around him, but Justin’s arm reached out and caught me. “Is that how you like it, Syd?” Justin pulled me close, his grip on my wrist too tight, even in his state of intoxication, as I struggled fruitlessly to pull away from him. I lowered my voice and tried to act calm. “Justin, let go.” “I’m done being nice. You want it rough, I’ll give you rough.” Justin’s other arm came around my back and slammed my front into his chest. His mouth was on mine before I could even yell for help. I froze for a second, feeling his tongue push into my mouth with a force that matched his grip around me. Justin easily lifted me off my feet and took two long strides, slamming my back into the wall, knocking the breath from my lungs as he continued his assault on my mouth, his body pinning me against the wall. I struggled hard to break free, but I was no match for his strength. Justin didn’t seem to even notice my resistance, or care if he did notice. “Syd?” I didn’t hear the door open, but Sienna’s voice came through loud and clear to both of us. At the sound of Sienna’s voice, Justin’s grip loosened, although he didn’t fully release me. I managed to wiggle my arms free but Justin reached to grasp my arm as I took my first step away from him, making my already unsteady balance falter, and I lost my footing mid-step. My head hit the side of the sink on the way down with a loud thump before I crashed into the bathroom floor face first. I must have lost consciousness for a few minutes, because the next thing I remember was waking up with my head in Sienna’s lap, looking up at her pale, concerned face. “Are you okay, Syd?” “Is he gone?” My head pounded as I moved my jaw to speak. I raised my hand to feel my head where it was tingling on the side of my face.

“Yeah, he took off. What the hell happened, Syd?” “I don’t know. He was drunk and angry and said something rude and I slapped him and he lost it.” I stopped to replay what had just happened in my head. “I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t come in, Sienna.” My last few words trailed off as the realization of what might have been hit me full force. My body began to shake. “It’s okay, Syd. You’re safe now. Let me get you out of here.” Sienna began to help me up as she spoke. “I saw our security down the hall. A lot of good that did you in here.” “My head hurts.” I rubbed where the pain hit hardest. “You’re going to have a nice knot there. You hit the sink pretty hard. Let’s get you checked out to be safe.” I nodded. The hallway was still empty as the bathroom door opened, except for the security guard waiting at the far end of the hall. The guard turned as we approached, looking startled when he saw us. “What happened?” Sienna began to speak, but I cut her off. “I slipped on some water and fell and hit the sink.” Sienna gave me a look, letting me know she wasn’t happy with the version of the story I was giving. But she didn’t attempt to elaborate on the truth. *** Ten hours later, Sienna and I were back on the bus. After a series of tests, my head had checked out okay, but I was going to have a nasty bruise on the side of my face where my head had connected with the sink, and I still felt like a drum solo was being played inside my skull. Everyone seemed to believe my version of the story that I’d told to the emergency room and the tour manager. Considering I had been seen drinking in a bar, it wasn’t out of the realm of ordinary for me to have taken a fall and hit the sink on the way down. I don’t know why I hadn’t told the truth. I hadn’t planned on covering for Justin, I just did. *** “What are you going to do, Syd?” Sienna came into the private bedroom on the back of the bus, where I had been hiding out for the last few hours. “I don’t know.” Sienna sat in front of me and gently took my face in her hands, lifting it to look into her eyes. “You need to do what is best for you, Syd. This isn’t about me and it isn’t about the tour. Whatever happens,

happens, and none of it is your fault. Do you understand me?” I nodded. And I knew she meant it. However I chose to deal with what had happened, Sienna would stand beside me, where she had been my entire life.

Chapter 19 My heart rate sped up as the elevator made its way slowly up each floor. True to her word, Sienna was supportive when I made the decision to take a leave from the tour. I wasn’t going to press charges against Justin, but I also needed some space before I could face the man who had assaulted me. I needed some time to think. I’d spent half the plane ride over from Spain replaying what had happened with Justin in my head, trying to convince myself that what had happened wasn’t really as bad as it was. But the truth was I wasn’t really sure what would have happened if Sienna hadn’t walked in. The look in Justin’s eyes was so angry and distant, I wondered if I really knew the man at all. In the end, it was not knowing that had helped me make the decision to take a break from the tour. The tour manager was suspicious of my story and the big bruise on my face and wrist, but he didn’t push. In the back of my mind, I wondered if he knew the truth and was relieved I was going to disappear for a while, rather than go public with the truth. I hadn’t told Jack about what had happened. In fact, I’d only spoken to him for a few minutes since the shit had hit the fan. I was sure he was upset with me about my lack of calls, but I thought it was best to tell him the truth in person. I jumped as the elevator dinged and opened to the penthouse floor. I’d used my keycard and asked security not to call up to let Jack know I was home, pretending I was home early to surprise him. I stepped off the elevator. The penthouse was quiet and dark and I could have sworn I heard my own heartbeat pounding against the wall of my chest as I set my things down and steadied myself with a deep breath before heading to the bedroom. Jack stirred as I slipped into bed beside him. His face was so peaceful and I hated to wake him with the ugliness of what I had to share of the last few days, knowing he was still struggling with the death of his father. I should have been home to support him, not to add to the mountain of stress and anxiety that his father’s death had left him to deal with. “Jack,” I whispered, and gently put my hand on his cheek. Jack jumped. “Syd?” “Hi, baby.” “What are you doing here?” For hours on the plane I’d thought about how to tell him why I was home. My plan was to share the story in a factual manner, keeping out any emotions so that Jack wouldn’t freak out. But that plan went

right out the window, as the tears began to stream down my face from just hearing Jack’s voice. *** Six hours after I walked through the front door, I finally fell asleep. Jack held me while I told him the story and, as selfish as it was, I was relieved to have had unburdened the truth on him. At first he was quiet while I spoke, but then he turned the light on and saw the dark bruises on the side of my face and he lost it. It took everything I had to calm him down and I was thankful that Justin was a seven hour plane ride away for more reasons than one. Before I fell asleep, I had been up for almost thirty-six hours straight since the horrible night in the bathroom had taken my life down yet another unexpected turn. So when I finally woke up, I wasn’t surprised to find that I had slept for almost ten hours. I was still groggy as I climbed out of bed, padding through the apartment to look for Jack. I was a little surprised when I woke and didn’t find Jack home, but on the verge of a nervous breakdown when almost twelve more hours passed and there was still no sign of him. I left him a half dozen messages on his cell and even called Sienna to see if he’d contacted her. I didn’t even know where to begin looking for him. My mind spent most of the day conjuring up reasons that Jack been gone all day. In the early hours I was nervous that he had jumped on a flight and went to hunt down Justin. But the more time passed and Jack didn’t contact me, my thoughts got darker and deeper. I’d just unloaded a mess on him, a few short weeks after his father’s death. Did my neediness push him over the edge? Was he being consoled by Jenna again? Jack had been nothing but supportive and protective when I’d told him what I’d been through, yet my mind still wandered to thoughts that he would turn to someone else. I wanted to call Jenna and see if she knew where Jack had gone, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wasn’t prepared for an answer that would destroy me, so I took the coward’s way out and sat and waited and wondered. *** I was on the phone in the kitchen with Sienna when Jack finally walked in. I watched for some sign of what he was thinking as he walked silently to me, but his face wasn’t giving away a thing. “Where have you been?” I asked quietly. My lip quivered, but I was determined to hold my tears at bay. “We need to talk.” Jack stood a few feet in front of me, his head looking down as he ran his fingers through his hair, a telltale sign of his stress. “Okay.” I watched him intently, waiting for him to look up at me.

Jack took a deep breath and exhaled loudly before his beautiful green eyes looked up at me. He walked to me and lifted me up, seating me on the kitchen island so that I was at eye level with him. “You’re off the tour.” I don’t know what I expected him to say, but it wasn’t that. “What are you talking about? I only took a week’s leave.” “I pulled the funding for the tour, made a few calls, and you’re off the tour.” My mouth dropped open as I stared at him in confusion. “Hear me out, Syd, before you say anything.” I forced my gaping mouth closed and shook my head. “I tried, but I can’t do it. I know you needed to follow your dreams before you could settle down, so I gave you space, Syd. I really tried. But I’m done. If you leave me because of it, I’ll understand, but you are not going back on that tour with him like nothing happened.” Jack watched my reaction for a moment before continuing. “They’re going to revamp the tour to smaller venues and Kyle is going to tour with Sienna.” “Kyle is Justin’s brother. He isn’t going to want to do that to his brother.” “It was Kyle’s idea.” My eyes widened at Jack’s statement. “But….” “Sienna and I told Kyle everything that happened. He knew the tour was over for Justin and nothing he was going to say or do would change that. I made that perfectly clear from the start. So it didn’t take him long to warm to the idea of finishing up with Sienna. Plus, he’s almost as pissed at his brother as Sienna is. And that woman is on fire.” I opened my mouth to speak, but shut it, realizing I was speechless for a moment. “I spoke to Ryan. She has two labels interested in signing you and Sienna. I told her to take the best deal she can with the stipulation that you will record in New York.” Jack reached out and stroked my cheek as he spoke. “I’m done with you not being in our bed, Syd.” Jack looked into my eyes, searching for something. Then he nodded as if he had found what he was

looking for. “I know it’s not how you planned it, Syd, and I’m asking you to give up a lot. So … I’m giving up something for you.” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. “I sold Cole Productions to Jenna today.” “Why?” Jack’s face untensed slightly, and I saw a hint of a small smile before he spoke. “I’m asking you to give up something I don’t like, so I gave up something that you don’t like.” “But you didn’t have to do that for me?” My voice came out as barely a whisper and with more of a question than a statement. “Yes, I did. Jenna has wanted to be a partner for the last few years anyway. I didn’t think you would like that option.” Jack raised an eyebrow and I couldn’t help but smile at his cockiness. I smirked back at him. “No, that wouldn’t have been a good option.” “And the hotels need a lot more of my time anyway, with my father gone.” Jack’s confident voice trailed off at the mention of his father. I reached out and took Jack’s hand in mine. A silent declaration of my support. Jack stared down at our joined hands for a moment before looking up at me, his eyes locking with mine. “I learned something from my father’s death. No more playing games. I’m done with being patient. You’re mine, Syd. I love you so much that I’d rather you leave me because I cut off the tour than have you stay with me and be out on tour and not be safe. There’s just no other choice for me.” It was in that moment that I knew he was right, there was no other choice for me either. “I couldn’t love you any more than I do right now.” I watched as the tension in Jack’s face washed away. The vulnerability I had rarely seen in his beautiful eyes was replaced by something much more familiar. Jack leaned in and gently kissed my lips, a sweet, gentle, soulful kiss that I felt in my heart. He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine. “One last thing, babe.” “Mmmm?” “Justin’s going to pay for what he did to you.” Jack gently stroked the side of my face, where my dark bruise was a reminder of what I had endured. “We’ll talk about whether you press charges or not. But either way I’m still kicking his ass.”

I closed my eyes and thought for moment. “Is it my turn to give you my demands yet?” Jack pulled his face back slightly. “Whatever you need.” He spoke with sincerity. I tried to hide my smile, but a small smirk couldn’t help but shine through. “Take me to bed, Mr. Cole.” I didn’t have to ask twice. *** I never thought the best day of my life would come the day after the worst day of my life. But I’d go through the worst day a hundred times just to hear Jack tell me that he’d give me up before he would let me be unsafe. I thought I knew what true love was, but I didn’t. Not until the moment that Jack taught me what it was.

Chapter 20 Five months earlier “Can I get you something to drink?” I was startled out of my thoughts by the flight attendant. I stared blankly at her, hearing her words, but unable to register their meaning or respond. “He’ll have a bottle of water. I’ll have a vodka tonic. You’ll have to excuse my friend, hell’s just frozen over and I think he may have gotten scorched before the cold front moved in.” Tyler smiled at the flight attendant, a woman whose ass should probably have given me an erection as I watched her walk away. But my dick didn’t even twitch. “Dude. You didn’t even notice the rack on that sky angel. What the hell is wrong with you? You’ve been staring into outer space since we left Hawaii. I was starting to worry you might cry soon?” Tyler teased. “Fuck off, Tyler.” I wasn’t in the mood for his shit. I’d been crazy since I watched that asshole walk down the gangplank behind Sydney, checking her ass out the whole time. He was probably a fucking accountant who liked commitment and came home at the same time from his boring job every night. But the thought of him sitting anywhere near my Sydney on the plane was enough for me to want to put my fist through the plane window. It was probably a good thing Tyler was sitting next to the window. What the hell is wrong with me? I can still smell her perfume on my shirt. I have to remember not to wash it so I can send it to Chloe to figure out what perfume it is and buy it for me. I have no fucking clue what I am going to do with a bottle of woman’s perfume, but I just know I need to have it. Seven days of the best sex I ever had and now what? I’m pussy whipped? I can’t stop thinking about her. She should be out of my system by now. Seven days of any woman should be enough to fuck her right out of my thoughts. Any longer than that and it all becomes too complicated. But every time I close my eyes I see her long legs in that damn blue dress. I’m getting hard just remembering how she had no underwear on underneath. Sydney. The face of an angel, body of the devil. The flight attendant came back with our drinks. She handed Tyler his drink, leaning a little too much over me, her tits skimming my arm as she passed him the glass. “Here you go.” Her voice was a purr and I noticed she kept her hand on the water bottle for a few seconds when I grabbed it. I should be all over that, seeing if I could earn my wings in the bathroom with the eager flight attendant. Syd and I had sex in the bathroom. Damn that woman felt good wrapped around me.

Tyler interrupted my thoughts of Sydney, to talk about Sydney. “Does Syd know that you own the hotel she works at?” Enough with the goddamn Sydney crap. I should just take a nap. “No. And she’s not going to know either. It’s a big city, I’m sure I’ll never run into her again.” “Not unless you want to.” “I don’t.” “I didn’t say you did.” Tyler’s smile was starting to piss me off. He thinks he’s smart, but he doesn’t know shit. “How about you shut up with your girl talk now so that I can get some sleep on this flight?” “Whatever you want, loverboy.” Tyler chuckled as he opened his Sports Illustrated. *** So maybe taking a power nap wasn’t the greatest idea. I was glad I took the damn magazine from the annoying flight attendant, so Tyler wouldn’t see the hard on I was sporting after the dream I had about Sydney. I pushed my chair back further, thankful for sleeper seats in first class that usually made it easier to fall asleep. I could see that it was dark outside through Tyler’s window and my mind wandered to the night that I took Syd to see the stars at the top of the mountain. I could hear her laugh as we laid on the blanket and talked for hours. That sound would be a good ring tone. Did I really just think a woman’s laugh would make a good ring tone? Definitely time to go back to sleep. *** I haven’t dreamed of my mother in years. It was the day before she died and I was sitting on the side of her hospital bed, holding her hand. My father was nowhere to be found. As usual. Death wasn’t something I had experience with, and I didn’t know how to help my mother. So I just sat there and held her hand. It was all I could do, and it seemed to comfort her. Even though she wasn’t awake, I just knew she needed to know she wasn’t alone. She only woke up one more time before she died. She seemed so alert and with it that last time, I’d started to think maybe the doctor had been wrong when he said she wouldn’t last more than a few days. I remember my father walking in during those last alert hours and standing in the doorway. My mom looked at him and then at me, before she pulled me close to whisper in my ear. “Sometimes in life, when you love something you need to set it free. If it comes back, it’s just meant to be.”

At the time, I thought she was talking about my father. I’d never given the conversation another thought. But maybe, just maybe, she was right.

Epilogue Five years later. “You do know that she’s going to be thirty before he lets a man anywhere near her, right?” Sienna half joked as we sat on the park bench together, watching as Jack lifted Gracie into his arms, pretending to swing her into the air just for fun. But both Sienna and I knew the truth. A sweet-faced little three year old boy had innocently grabbed Gracie’s hand to run to the slide with her and Jack had dealt with it on autopilot. I truly doubted if he had even realized what he had done. “You think she has a shot at thirty?” I arched one eyebrow at my friend in ridicule at the notion that Jack might ever loosen his grip on his three year old daughter. Sienna looked back over to the swings where Jack was tossing his princess into the air and making her giggle uncontrollably. “Don’t worry, her Aunt Sienna will sneak her out to parties.” Dear Lord, I hoped she was kidding … but with Sienna, you never really knew. On the way back home, Jack was off to the side chasing Gracie while Sienna and I walked arm in arm, concentrating on taking our steps in unison the way we frequently had in elementary school. Two young men approached us for autographs. They couldn’t have been older than seventeen and were very polite. But we were flanked by Jack and our security within seconds. The poor boys looked as if they might have a heart attack. Clem had been my bodyguard for almost four years. He was six foot eight, wore only black, always had dark sunglasses, and sported a high and tight military cut. Even though he was as soft as a kitten when you got to know him, there weren’t many men who Clem didn’t intimidate. And if that wasn’t enough, my always insane husband stood on the other side of us, in case the poor young men weren’t rattled enough by Clem alone. It had been that way for almost four years. After Sienna and I recorded our first album together, it had unexpectedly shot to the top of the charts. We had three number one hits off the debut album. Two years later, when we released a follow up album, sales soared and fans seemed to find us wherever we went. The day our second album was released, I delivered Gracie, three weeks early. Between our newfound fame and adding Gracie to our family, Jack’s protective streak ratcheted to a whole new level. A scary level. We argued a lot about what was safe that first year, but I had to admit making up had always been worth the fight. Sienna and I managed to sign the autographs and help the young men relax a little by poking fun at Jack and Clem. I could get away with so much more when I was with Sienna, because there was no doubt

that Clem was way into my friend. The selfish part of me wished that Sienna would hook up with Clem so he could keep her in town more. But I knew from experience that you can’t force a person to settle down. It happens when you least expect it. Later that night, I went to check in on Gracie before heading to bed and found her smiling in her sleep. She looked so angelic, it was no wonder she had Jack wrapped around her little finger. It was only when she was awake and I saw the flash of green in her eyes that I knew she had a little devil in her, a little gift from her dad. Of course, Jack was completely blind to it, because he had that exact same flash of green in his own eyes. As I reached to turn out the lights, I smiled at the pictures of her grandparents on the mantel above her dresser. My mom and dad, Jack’s mom, Grace, her namesake, and Jack Sr. I remember the day I set up the pictures in the nursery. I had been eight months pregnant. I wasn’t sure how Jack would react to my adding a picture of his dad, but it had been three years since his dad died and so much had changed. We’d both let go of a lot of anger and found happiness in each other. Jack had found me setting them down, and I had caught his jaw clench, but then he gently smiled. There wasn’t much that he wouldn’t give his wife, but his pregnant wife he denied nothing. His hands automatically reached down to rub my belly. Something he did often. I’d heard women complain that their husband’s libido went out the window when they were pregnant, but mine seemed to have the exact opposite effect. He seemed to like my new curvy body and had found any excuse to rub me. Not that he’d ever needed one. Jack was coming out of the master bath as I walked into the bedroom. Wrapped only in a towel, I could see water droplets glistening on his tight chest. I was suddenly thirsty and the water I wanted to devour didn’t come from a bottle. “She asleep?” His voice was low and damn sexy. Jack’s voice startled me out of my momentary adoration, but I hadn’t really heard the words that he had spoken. “What?” I looked up, confused. One arched eyebrow and a devilish grin on his face told me I’d been caught. “Get on the bed.” “On the bed?” At first I thought I had missed part of the conversation while I was busy drooling over my husband. “You can’t look at me like that and not expect what I’m going to give you.” Jack took four steps and was in front of me, in my personal space, where it had all began. My stomach did a flip flop at the thought of what I was going to get. More than five years with the man and he still gave me butterflies. I could tell by the gray that his green eyes had smoldered into that it was going to be hard and fast. He had that look. Hard and fast was my favorite, but only because I knew he always felt the need to follow it with slow and sweet later.

As my insatiable husband carried me to the bed, our bed, I found myself thinking about how lucky I was. My husband loved me. Wanted me. Craved me. Cherished me. And the feeling was mutual. It had been that way since the first moment our eyes locked. Sure, we’d gone through some highs and lows. But eventually we’d found our happy ever after. And really, what more could a girl want?

Other Books by Vi Keeland First Thing I See http://www.amazon.com/First-Thing-I-See-ebook/dp/B00AWXY3HG http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17233806-first-thing-i-see Belong to You http://www.amazon.com/Belong-You-Cole-Novel-ebook/dp/B00BUTCXLE http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17458478-belong-to-you Connect with Vi https://www.facebook.com/vi.keeland http://www.facebook.com/pages/Belong-To-You/419829598111543 http://www.facebook.com/FirstThingISee https://www.facebook.com/pages/Made-for-You/325120184280467 Twitter - @vikeeland