Kristen James - In My Dreams (First Tracks Book -

In My Dreams Book Two First Tracks

Kristen James

© 2016 Kristen James www.writerkristenjames.com www.facebook.com/WriterKristenJames Newsletter Signup

Also by Kristen James: All in my Head, First Tracks series, Bk 1 Stranger in my Bed More Than Memories, Bk 1 A Wedding to Remember, Bk 2

Embers of Hope, Bk 1 More Than a Promise, Bk 2 Costa Rica In A Field of Oranges Point Hope A Cowboy for Christmas

First Tracks – When you get to leave your mark on the fresh pow before anyone else! In My Dreams, Book Two They can finally be together…right? Avery almost lost Marcus while he was in a coma. She couldn’t think past saving him. Now that he’s awake, she can finally see and touch him, but she can’t hear his thoughts or feel his emotions anymore. What if he doesn’t need her? Marcus wants her to go back to Ashland to catch up in college and fix things with

her friends. She’s not ready to face that mess. Marcus was a gold medalist in Sochi but now he’s stuck in physical therapy, dreaming of being with Avery and returning to his life. Is his snowboarding career over? Will he ever play his guitar or draw again? And can he let Avery be with someone who’s so damaged? They’re together—but it’s not what they expected. Marcus has a long recovery ahead of him and Avery needs to put her life back together. Can they make it in the real world?

Prologue (Included as an epilogue in All in my Head) Avery I look like a maniac and I don’t care. I ran down the hospital hallway, dodging people without apologizing, tears running down my face and a guitar bouncing against my back. My hair was

having a fantastically frizzy day due to the weather, or maybe my crazy life, and I felt it whipping around behind me. I tore around a corner, my shoes sliding before grabbing on. I had to get to him right now. He remembers me. It’s okay. Everything’s okay now. If Marcus remembered me, then I wasn’t schizophrenic and making all this up. He had been in my head, sharing my life, listening to every thought. People would believe me now. He could tell his

parents, his sister, my friends—everyone who thought I’d lost it. It didn’t make any sense, but it was true. It was true! The room numbers were climbing and I skidded to a stop, sliding past the door. Grabbing the door jamb, I pulled myself back and threw myself through the doorway. “Marcus!” Four people stared at me, stopping me in my tracks. This wasn’t the rush-inand-kiss-him that I’d imagined. His parents stood by the door and Jen stood

next to the bed where Marcus laid. Tom and Elaina shared a skeptical glance. They had tossed me out as a crazy stalker before, and now they glanced at each other, not sure what to think. Tom narrowed his eyes through his super thick lenses. They were still worried I’d hurt their son. His sister Jen started to smile at me but the tension in the room stopped her cold too. I finally looked at Marcus. He had his bed raised like he was waiting for me. “Avery. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I—”

He broke off and a smile flashed across his face. “You brought my guitar.” “Yeah… how many times have you yelled at me to grab it?” I tried for a laugh at my lame joke and set it on a hospital chair. What could I say to him in front of his family? Nervous, I stepped past his parents and rushed to the bed, avoiding their gazes. “We’ll wait outside for a bit,” Jen said, her voice cautious. And then, thankfully, she herded her parents out of the room. They were quiet until they stepped out, and then their voices

mingled together and faded. At least they weren’t standing right outside the door. “Marcus,” I whispered, my voice breaking as fresh tears filled my eyes. I took a step closer to the bed but something held me back. Did he still like me, now that he could see me face to face? Maybe I wouldn’t live up to the fantasy. Maybe he just needed me before, but not anymore, not when he had his life and body back. I glanced down at myself because I couldn’t even remember what I was wearing. What did he think? I couldn’t tell. I

couldn’t hear him. “Ave?” That prodded me into motion and I walked to the edge of the bed. His light amber brown eyes searched mine, asking silent questions. He reached out to me with his good arm—the other one sat in a cast and sling. I took his hand, feeling his warmth in a new way. He turned his hand to entwine our fingers, then looked down, confused. I watched his expression and our hands, wondering if he felt weak after being in the coma. “Marcus.” It felt so good to say his

name and see him here with me like this. I’d seen him in my mind’s eye, and in pictures online, and even here sleeping in this bed, but this was different. He glanced up, starting to smile, his eyes mirroring my emotions. Amazement. Surprise that we made it here. Fear. “It was all real?” he asked, still staring at me, and lifting his other hand to caress my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, taking a big, shaky breath. “It had to be. There’s no other explanation.”

“Come here, babe.” I leaned down and slid my arms around him. We came together slowly, like we were both unsure of this new reality. What was he thinking? But once I felt him this close and smelled his scent under the hospital smells, my breath quickened until I started crying and clinging to him. His fingers sank into my hair and he kissed my head, saying my name. When I lifted my face, he smiled. Oh, my god, is he handsome. And real. And right here. We paused, looking at each other,

grins coming at last. Then his face went serious, something new in his eyes. He touched my chin and we stretched toward each other, our lips meeting softly. A shock wave rolled down my body. His lips, so full, so soft…so wanting. His breath smelled of mint. I smiled as his lips moved on mine. I’d somehow gotten halfway up on the bed to kiss him back, my hands gently exploring him. His hands shook against me—from desire or his injuries?

How fragile was he? Would this hurt him? A noise rose up his throat. Energy zinged through my veins. With my eyes closed, my body felt like it was floating. He hung onto me tight, his tongue suddenly teasing my lips, before he pulled me further back with him. At the contact, my body came to life, surprising me. We’d been so close but unable to touch before, not really touch. I pulled back, opening my eyes and finding his were staring back, warm and dancing. “Avery.”

My lips tingled. All of me tingled. I heard my ragged breathing and laughed. “Marcus.” Suddenly, he pulled me forward, pressing another kiss onto my mouth. Then he pulled me back and stared at me, taking me in detail by detail. “Damn, you are beautiful,” he whispered. “And you look even better from this perspective… I love you, Avery.” I started to reply and couldn’t find my voice. His eyes grew shiny. I pulled in a quick breath, still so

amazed in be in this moment. “I love you.” Our smiles grew together until we started laughing. “Everything’s different now,” I said, my voice breaking. “Better.” His smile faded. “Right?” “Right.” I glanced toward the door. What would his family think? What would we tell them? His hand came up to my face. “Ave, we’ll figure it out.” I lay my head on his chest, breathing in his scent. I could feel him, smell him,

kiss him! “We’ll figure everything out.” His voice came softly as his fingers threaded through my hair. “I love you and we’re together. That’s what matters now.” Closing my eyes, I decided to worry about everything else later. He was right. Only this mattered now. We were together, really together.

Chapter One

Marcus She was real and here. It’s good, yo, it’s all good.

I ran that thought on repeat while I held her close with my workable arm. Damn the right one for being in a cast! I wanted both arms around her, her body pressed all the way to mine, all the way down to our feet. My breaths came in quick puffs, emotion blowing up my chest, and I inhaled her scent. Her hair tickled my neck as I pulled my fingers through it. I couldn’t hold her close enough. It didn’t make any sense but nothing else did either. When did the wreck happen? How hurt was I? How long was

I out? And was all of that real, being in her head and getting to know her? A thousand questions raced around inside my head, mixing with all the memories coming back from my time with Avery. Inside her head. How the hell did that work? We would figure it out together, like I said. But I knew it wasn’t some coma induced hallucination because she was here. Avery remembered too. Suddenly Avery laughed against my chest, shaking me. She sat up, still laughing hard like she’d lost it.

“Do you realize this all started in a hospital room?” she asked. A second later I caught up with her— she meant back when she was the patient, and we were in the Medford hospital after her accident, and I was in her head. “Oh, yeah. It’s coming full circle, I guess.” I looked toward my bathroom door, trying to visualize those first few freaky-as-hell moments. I had been completely confused because I could see the bathroom and then her room, but no one would answer me when I talked.

Meanwhile, my body had been up here in Portland. I don’t like thinking about it, but I ask her, “Were you as scared as I was?” Ave pulled in a deep breath and I reached out with my usable arm so she’d rest on me again. I needed her close. “I was scared,” she whispered, “but maybe not as scared as you. That had to be terrifying. I thought I’d lost it because I was hearing a voice, but you didn’t even have a body.” I rubbed her back and let the topic drop, but other uncomfortable thoughts

quickly filled my head. How long had I been in this room? I remembered coming here while I was in Avery’s head and seeing my body laying here without me. I didn’t notice much about the room then, maybe because it’s a typical sterile, plain room with tan walls and yellow curtains the windows. They tried to brighten it up with those faded-out prints you see in hotels, except you don’t really notice them because the colors are so wimpy. The privacy curtain hanging between my bed and the door was a funny avocado green color that reminded

me of my late grandmother’s decorating scheme. “What are we going to tell your parents?” she asked, speaking against my chest, just as I heard them come back into the room. I forced myself to breathe slowly so my heart wouldn’t race under Avery’s head. I usually go with the truth. But now? That wasn’t going to fly. “Uhh, Marcus? Avery?” My dad sounded so awkward saying her name. I tried to lift my head to see over Avery at him, but the effort was almost too much. She sat up and wiped her eyes. “Can we

have a moment to talk to you?” he asked. Avery glanced at me, worry in her eyes as she stood up. While she had her eyes on me, I caught my dad’s judgmental eyes on her. I loved her wild hair and everything else about her, down to each freckle. But I could read my dad’s expression and knew she must look halfway crazy to him with her hair doing its own thing and her clothes all wrinkled. I put her through hell these last few weeks. That sent a crack across my heart as

it all came back. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the strange panic hitting me. “Marcus?” Dad’s sharp voice preceded him as he rushed across the room. I shook my head, clearing it. “Dad, I’m fine.” My dad’s gaze jumped from Avery to me and back to her, and I suddenly realized he was standing between us, ready to defend me. Freaking hell. “Dad, sit down, calm down, kay?” This was weird for all of us, for

sure. I didn’t like looking at everyone while lying down but I didn’t seem to have much choice. Avery glanced back at him, a hand on her neck. It’s okay, babe. Oh, yeah, she can’t hear me. “I’ll be outside,” Avery said as she slowly left, and she turned back toward me, her gaze penetrating right to my heart. She was barely outside the door before Dad pulled a chair up next to my bed, sat down and leaned forward. It was his ‘let’s have a talk’ mode. My

mom stepped in and hovered by the bed, rubbing her hands together. “Listen, dad, I know what you want to talk about. And I want Avery here.” “Who is this girl, Marcus?” He exhaled for a long minute, shaking his head. “You didn’t even recognize her!” “She’s my girlfriend.” The words come easily. “I didn’t recognize her because I’d just woke up from a coma. Everything was a mess in my head.” “A friend of hers called the hospital —” “Dad, I know that. I know Jazz was

worried about Avery and tried to warn you. I know you were doing the paperwork to take me off life support too. And I know Avery was trying to save my life.” Mom sucked her in breath as her hand flew to her chest. “Marcus… Who told you that?” “Avery obviously told him that,” Dad said bitterly. I shouldn’t have told them I knew, but I was angry suddenly—not because they had tried to follow my written wishes and pull the plug on me, but for the way they were treating Avery

now. “Avery didn’t tell me that,” I added. “I just know.” My parents’ eyes were mortified and unbelieving before they exchanged a glance. My mom shook her head slowly. “Marcus, her friend said she’s been hearing voices.” “Hearing me.” My voice sounded tight, the way my entire body felt. I let my head drop back on the pillow and I closed my eyes, exhausted. Damn it, I’d said too much. My all too practical parents would never believe me.

Through the following silence, I could feel them nodding at each other, probably mouthing words. I shouldn’t blame them for not accepting this, but it’s a struggle. I shouldn’t get so irritated at them for all the private communication either, but sometimes it’s annoying as hell. “Marcus, look at me. When did you meet her?” Mom asked. “Why didn’t you tell us about her?” That second question held a hint of hurt. And I’m not ready to answer yet. “You didn’t even remember her, then

suddenly you do.” Dad leaned forward. “We haven’t heard anything about her before this. Where’s she from? Where’s her family?” That struck a nerve. “She lives right here in Oregon, in Ashland where she goes to college.” And I live in Colorado. Dude, it’s weird to suddenly know things about my life. It’s like I remembered that just now but knew it all along too. I started going through memories of back home, but it hit me. What would it mean for Avery and me?

I realized my dad was waiting for an answer to something. “Huh?” “Does her family live here?” Dad repeated. Why was he stuck on that? “Dude, it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t have family. Her parents are gone. She has her friends, and me.” At that, Mom’s face softened, and she asked, “How is she doing with all of this?” Damn, I only had a few minutes with Avery. I didn’t know how she was doing. I couldn’t read her mind anymore or feel what’s going on inside her. It’d be useful

right about now too. But this was better. We could really be together now. My parents waited on me. We’re close, but they haven’t treated me like this in a long time. This whole mess must have really shook them up. “Well, I don’t tell you everything going on in my life.” I didn’t want to hurt them but I couldn’t explain all of this to them yet. Maybe they’d forget what I said about Avery hearing me. Somehow I had to smooth this over. “Listen, you trust me, don’t you?”

“I’ve always trusted you, son. But right now, you’re not thinking clearly. Your body’s been through hell and your mental state can’t be the best right now.” “I need Avery here.” Mom put her hand on dad’s shoulder. Neither said anything. “She makes me happy. I want her here right now.” I decided not to let them argue with me about it. “Listen, we’ve got other things to talk about.” Mom sat down next to dad. I guess I don’t think about what my parents look like that often, but now I noticed how

salt and pepper dad’s hair had gotten. Along with those thick glasses, he looked older than I remembered, with a few more wrinkles around his eyes. Mom looked washed out, like this had sucked the color right out of her skin. “Why don’t you focus on feeling better?” Mom started. “We can take it slow.” “Listen, mom, dad,” I said, my chest getting tight. “I’m not stupid. This might change things. I might not make it back to the next games. Or even onto a board…” “Might.” Mom jabbed a finger in the

air. “Might change things. But you’re a hard worker. We don’t have any reason to think you can’t work your way back.” “I don’t know if…” I stopped. I wasn’t sure about anything. I hadn’t spoken to any doctors yet. “We’ll be here for you, son,” Dad said, his voice breaking. “No matter what happens, okay?” This was the parents I knew and loved. “I just don’t want to let you down,” I said hoarsely. Mom tilted her head, a tear rolling

down one cheek. “Marcus, you could never let us down. You’re worked harder than anyone I know.” She turned to my dad and they took each other’s hands. “We thought we lost you, but now you’re here and awake. That’s all that matters right now.” “We’ve always been so proud of you.” Dad stared down at the floor for a long, silent minute. “Mom’s right. The rest can wait until later.” “Yes, we’re rushing this.” Mom patted my hand. “We don’t know how you’re doing yet. You just woke up!

Let’s be happy about that for now.” I was. More than she knew. I was so happy to be awake, alive, in one piece. My mind still felt foggy, but everything was starting to come back and gel into a picture. God, a few days ago I thought I was going to die. That was going to be it. And I had accepted it. “Yeah, I’m alive,” I said, laughing. Thanks to Avery, I was alive. She fought like hell to save my life. “Listen, can you let me see Avery again? That must have freaked her out when I didn’t remember her. I want to make sure she’s okay.”

Mom studied me for a minute while Dad got up. They weren’t sure what to make of this. I wasn’t either. Not really. But I wasn’t going to question it too much—Avery saved my life.

Chapter Two Avery The hospital felt like a funny mix of constant busyness and stationary waiting, of voices and noise but also silence, of life changing seriousness for the patients and families but just an ordinary workday for the staff. I stood in the breezeway, gazing out a window at a blank sheen of gray clouds, while

conversations floated by behind me. A touch on my arm made me jump and turn. Elaina smiled uncertainty, and I noticed she had the same amber eyes as Marcus. So far my impression of her was a soft, sweet woman, but I think there must be a strong streak in there somewhere. There had to be since she raised a son like Marcus. “Oh, sorry, honey, I didn’t mean to startle you. He wants to see you.” I nodded and mumbled thanks as I hurried back to his room. Even now, it was a shock to see him lying there with

the bruises on his face, the cast on his arm, and mostly the open eyes looking at me. “Come here.” Marcus tried for a smile and held a hand out to me. “I need you.” I sat on his beside him and lay down, carefully arranging myself around him. “Think they’ll give us a while?” I asked softly, hoping my voice didn’t sound too emotional. “Yeah.” His voice was barely a whisper. He rubbed circles on my back while I hung onto him. I listened to him

breathe and felt the rise and fall of his chest under me. I wanted to hold him and feel him, to know he was really here and not going anywhere. Then he asked, “What are you thinking?” “I’m just so happy to feel you against me.” A second later I laughed lightly. “And guess what? I can have secrets now.” He fell quiet and my laugh died. That felt strange too—now we’d have to share our thoughts if we wanted the other to know, and now we had the option to hold some thoughts back.

“Do you want secrets?” he asked, his voice more serious than I liked. “I didn’t mean it like that.” I lifted my head to look into his eyes for a minute before lying on his chest again. “I just meant, now you don’t know every thought running through my head.” He gave a small chuckle. “Goes two ways, Tiger Lily.” A chill ran down my back, under the spot where he rubbed. It was just a joke. We were both adjusting to this, figuring it out, but I wanted to hear his thoughts behind the comment. Did he have things

to hide? We’d gotten to know each other so well, so intimately, that I couldn’t imagine not experiencing life on a thought by thought basis with him. Would we lose our connection, our closeness? “So what are you thinking?” He laughed. “The same, I guess. I’m so happy to hold you and look at you, and have my body back. I want to kiss you, really kiss you, like we were daydreaming. Remember that?” “Um, yeah…” Heat pooled as images raced through my head of all the things we’d wanted to do before. His

fingertips traced over my shoulder. “There’s so much coming back, I don’t know where to begin. It’s like a puzzle with a million pieces spread all over the table right now.” “I know what you mean,” I say, and then he joined me in saying, “But we’ll figure it out.” That made us laugh together again. My face buried in his chest, I lightly ran my hand over him and bumped into the cast on his arm. Suddenly I felt like a jerk for bringing his guitar here, but it had made him smile when he saw it.

It was his right arm in a cast, but I thought (hoped) he was left handed. I wanted to ask, but I didn’t want to remind him. It’d been a while since the accident, so I hoped it was mostly healed by now. “Ave…” He sounded thoughtful and I lifted my head to see his expression. The faded bruises were still a little starling—I didn’t focus on that earlier because I was so happy to see him awake and conscious of everything. As I watched him, all the lights came on in those

amber eyes, like he remembered the best news ever. “Ave, we can do your birthday. We can go to the beach and go swimming. We can rent a house and sit in the hot tub. Us. Together. We can do all of that now.” His idea made me almost giggle, but a second later, his face went slack. “Marcus?” “We can do something about Kyle.” His hardened voice gave me chills. I didn’t want to dig all that up again—not right now. I started shaking my head and

he reached and touched my face. “Babe, what he did was wrong. Then he kept pushing it on that trip. He’s not getting away with all of that. Not now.” “That’s behind us…” I said, lamely shrugging. I didn’t want Marcus to track Kyle down and beat the shit out of him. Somehow, though, that didn’t seem like Marcus. And right now, he didn’t seem able to get out of bed. He just woke up. Give it time. “Why don’t you want to do anything?” he asked, shaking his head. “Do we need to talk about it?” I

countered. “I mean, we can later, just not right this sec. We just found each other. And, I don’t know, everything back in Ashland with my friends is so messed up right now.” His forehead creased. “Oh. Right. Damn, I forgot about the whole Nash and Kyle thing…” I watched his expression morph, going from realization to worry to something like jealousy and anger. I might like a little jealousy. A little. But I didn’t want Marcus to worry about us or anything else for that matter. And, I wasn’t ready to deal with all that yet. I

didn’t know where things stood with Jazz. Kris and Nash probably wouldn’t speak to me. Life had gotten so out of whack and I just left it that way. All of that had faded away when I thought I had lost Marcus. “What happened? Before this?” I asked, shuddering at the thought of how things almost ended, but my curiosity was getting the better of me. “At the beach, you were just gone…and then you woke up here?” “I…” He gazed off over my head for a minute. “I was with you… but then I

woke up here and everything was blank. I’m sorry I didn’t remember you right away. I feel like shit about it.” His face showed it too, his mouth frowning and his eyes darkening with guilt. “No, no, don’t worry.” I kissed his mouth softly and then around his face, kissing the bruises as gently as I could. He closed his eyes, and I suddenly I just wanted to be close to him, as close as possible. I leaned carefully over him and rested my forehead against his chest. This all felt so crazy. Panic swelled

inside my chest, but then his hand smoothed down my hair, as if he could still feel my emotions and knew about the storm inside of me. He ran his fingers through my hair and tucked one side behind my ear. Voices came through the door, and then Tom and Elaina stepped inside with a thirty-something male doctor. I tried to fight the way my stomach tightened, but Tom startled me. The glare on his glasses hid his eyes, and his short, gray hair somehow made him look creepy just then.

I moved back and sat in a chair across from the bed, giving them space. The young doctor gave Marcus a big smile, displaying perfectly straight, white teeth. He was surprisingly handsome, like he should be on that show Grey’s Anatomy. “Hello, Marcus, you probably don’t remember meeting me before.” He approached Marcus with his hand out to shake. “Dr. Michaels. It’s a real pleasure to meet you. I watched you compete in the Olympics, and man, I’m impressed.” Marcus simply nodded, his mouth

tightening. He’d been so outgoing and laid back in my head, so it hurt my heart to see him more withdrawn like this. That comment probably reminded him that he couldn’t do those physical things right now. I didn’t want to think about the future and all the if’s. The doctor turned to me. “I’m Dr. Michaels.” “Avery.” I shook his hand too, wondering if anyone would explain who I was, or if it mattered. “Nice to meet you.” He smiled brightly before turning

back to his patient. If he’d been clued into the drama surrounding me, he wasn’t letting on. “So, Marcus, let’s see how you’re doing. I bet you have all kinds of questions too. So we’ll take things slow, check your responses and stats, and go from there. Sound good?” He was ready to start. Marcus, on the other hand, turned white. “Hey, doc, do we need everyone here?” His question got the kind of response you’d expect. I wasn’t the only one who

did a double take at him. He kept his eyes on Dr. Michaels, trying to ignore our responses “Ah, sure. I don’t see why that’s a problem.” The doctor turned to face the rest of us, a message to head out. Marcus looked up at me, and I’d swear he was trying to cover fear. I stepped closer and squeezed his hand before leaving. He watched me go but I had no clue what was going on inside his head. Why was that freaking me out so bad? In the hallway, his parents walked close together, talking quietly. Tom’s

deep voice carried back to me, and I swear I caught the words I’ll get her out of here… I stood frozen, watching them, everything inside me sinking. How much sway did they have over Marcus? He seemed like his own person to me but I didn’t have the best feeling about this. I turned in the other direction, wondering what I’d do while waiting, and found Jen standing behind me. Judging from her blank face, I decided she hadn’t heard her father. Her blue eyes were startlingly blue,

and not just for the vivid color. They were crystalline and sparkly. I had a hard time not staring. “Hey,” she said softly. “Walk with me?” At least she wasn’t siding with her parents, as far as I could tell. “Sure.” We gave each other a soft smile and started off the other way together, walking slow like two friends. Just that small act bolstered my spirits. A strange mix of cafeteria food and antiseptic scent filled the hallway, reminding me of the school cafeteria

from grade school. I suppose it’s a hospital smell too. Smelling it felt gross and comforting at the same time, making me start to laugh. “Does this feel weird to you?” Jen asked, giving me a raised eyebrow for the laugh. I laughed again. It felt good. “I don’t know what to think about everything… but, he’s okay.” She turned to me with big, open eyes so I couldn’t look away. “How did that happen?” she asked, her palm out. “How did Marcus find you

and… live in your head?” It took me a minute to process everything she was asking. “He didn’t find me, I don’t think.” We walked around a corner while I thought. “He was as confused as I was, maybe more because he couldn’t remember who he was.” I glanced over and caught the worry line forming between her brows. “He just landed there?” She pointed at my head. I needed to talk to Marcus about how much we’ll tell other people. In a

way, it’s asking too much for others to believe this. I held back, but she searched my eyes like she wanted to understand. “What about your parents?” I asked. “Jazz made things sound pretty bad when she called the hospital. Everyone decided I was completely crazy.” Her gaze bounced around and she shrugged, like she didn’t want to look at me right then. Had they been talking about me? We reached the end of the hallway and turned around. A few other people

were walking around in a haze too, and then others were hurrying by with things to do. “I don’t know.” Jen slid her hands into her jean pockets as we started back. “It sounded bad before, but Marcus remembers you. I have no idea how they’re going to deal with that.” They would need to deal with it somehow and find a way to understand it. I pulled in a breath, and a second too late realized how emotional and raw I sounded. Before I could turn away, she

rested her hand on my shoulder. “He’s awake now. It’ll be okay.” She sounded sure, the same way Marcus sounds sure when he puts me at ease. “I just wish I could figure out what’s going on inside, why I can’t calm down. I just don’t think—” I just didn’t know anything. “It’s been tough. My mental state isn’t the best either!” Her quick intake of breath mirrored my emotions. “I’ve been on this rollercoaster, not knowing if Marcus would make it, and even now some things are up in the air.”

We were almost back, and we both saw her parents huddled at the other end, both with their heads bent close. She made a scoffing sound. “This should be interesting.” That would be one word for it.

Chapter Three

Marcus When I watched Avery leave, my eyes landed on my guitar. Maybe my

brain wasn’t all the way awake yet, because I kept forgetting I’m stuck in this bed and my arm is in a cast. I can’t grab my guitar and play—I couldn’t strum with this cast in the way, and I wasn’t sure my good hand was good enough to hold the correct strings down. It’s not really listening to what I tell it to do. I can’t touch Avery the way I want to. Holy shit, my body is all messed up, but it sure reacted to her touch. I can still feel it low and tight in my abdomen even now, after she’s gone. I want her in a bad, bad way.

It was something like this before, except I couldn’t look at her from my own eyes, and I didn’t have my body to feel it this way. And I didn’t have her right here where I can touch and kiss her. Damn, I wanted her! But I couldn’t do anything about it. I sighed, regretting that the doctor was watching all of this. A nurse came in quietly to assist. They seem to hover a lot. While they checked my reflexes and vitals yet again, I mentally went over my time with Avery today, shot by shot,

replaying her responses and expressions. What was going on in that head of hers? Before, when she gave other people that cool, reserved face, I got to hear all the crazy thoughts and feel the overwhelming emotions going on inside of her. That girl is funny when she wants to be, but she doesn’t share it often. We’d both have to get used to this new, separate reality. But I could feel her in a different way. Hold her. Kiss her. It was a miracle. “When will I be on my feet again?” I

asked, looking back at Dr. Michaels. He hesitated, lifting his chin. But he knew. He was just doing that sensitive doctor shit. He gestured for me to hold my good arm out again. “That’s a complicated question, Marcus.” “How complicated can it be? A week? A month? I hate this. I feel all weak and things aren’t working quite right. Dude, I’ll go crazy lying in this bed.” “And that’s why this is complicated. Listen, it’s not a magic switch. You

won’t suddenly be a hundred percent again. It’ll take time and therapy.” Therapy. I know I won’t have the patience for that. “What about snowboarding?” Dr. Michaels made a face, and I could tell he was fighting back a sigh. What the fuck did he expect, that I’d be happy to lay here and get better? After a pause, he nodded to the nurse and she left. Then he slid a stool over by the bed and sat down. “That broken arm will take at least two more weeks to heal, so you have

time to get everything else working too. It sounds like patience isn’t your thing, but…well, it has to be now.” I rubbed my face, not liking how my hand still felt a little disconnected. Guess it made sense, though. I felt like I woke up from a very, very, very long sleep, and I sorta did. “I’d like to look on the positive side,” he added. “You’re awake and making progress already. This is big. A week ago we weren’t sure you’d pull through.” I hold up a hand to stop him. Yeah, I

know all about it. I actually didn’t sleep through the part where my family considered pulling the plug. Yeah, they were following my wishes—the wishes I’d wrote down three years ago before this whole thing happened, but how could I have known then? That was before I met Avery. “What about…” I gestured downward instead of spelling it out. “That…” His head went back and forth. Was that indecision? What was that? “That might take time, too.” This blows.

“Let’s talk about getting you back on your feet,” he said, grabbing my attention. So I listened to him for a good ten minutes before he asked, “Ready to see your family again?” “I’d like a few minutes alone first.” I didn’t explain but he simply nodded. I hadn’t been alone since waking up, and while all of this was good—correct that to great—I felt bulldozed right now. I went from living in Avery’s head to back here in my own body, and now I had a whole new set of problems. But it was better problems. I had to

remember that. I had my life back, my family, my guitar…and Avery. I had Avery in my life for real. Was that the point of all that crazy shit? Bringing us together? Fate. Avery had used that word. She felt sure fate had brought us together so she could save me. And she did save me in more than one way. I felt drained, like ten days of training drained. I closed my eyes, wanting to rest but afraid of sleeping. What if I didn’t wake up again? When I opened my eyes, I saw my

phone on the cart next to the bed. Jen had brought it in earlier. I heard that she faithfully posted updates online for me through all this. I reached for it, my hand shaking and then doing a poor job of grabbing onto it. Grab it, damn it! My hand finally listened to me and I smiled in triumph. I wanted to make a video myself and post to my fans. I played around with the angle, trying to get a good shot of my face while showing the least of the damage from the crash. Finally I pushed

the record button. “Yo! How’s it going? Marcus Fields here. I know. I’ve been out a while, huh? Yeah, hasn’t been fun on this end. I want to send a big shout out to all of you for thinking about me through all this. Thanks for the love and support. Thanks for supporting my family while they had to deal with it, too. I heard about all the messages to my sister Jen and my parents. Wow, my family. They’ve been strong. And my girl, Avery. She pulled me through this. I wanted to say thank you to all of you, and everyone here. I’ll

be back out there, promise. Nothing stops Marcus Fields! Peace out, baby.” I had to keep it short because my hand started shaking. I watched the video upload and then set the phone down, so tired. Too tired to keep my eyes open any longer. Avery… Her name ran through my head as I lost consciousness, her face in front of me. I reached for her, expecting her to fade away but she came closer, reaching for me, and I grabbed her and yanked her to me hard. She squealed as I lifted her

off the ground, burying my face in her hair and then finding her neck underneath. As I kissed the soft skin there, it hit me that I was standing. Both my arms were working fine. I grabbed her hair and pulled her head back, making her gasp. I saw her pupils widen as I leaned in, and then I kissed her hard and deep. Her hands came up into my hair and her body arched into mine. She moaned in my mouth and bent a knee between my legs. God. Holy shit.

I needed her. Wanted her. Then suddenly I knew it was only a dream, although a very real dream, and that realization shook me out of it. I was awake again, breathing hard, feeling the damp sheet stick to my wet skin. Luckily the room was empty. Patience. Yeah. I’m gonna have to learn that because I want to be 100% again for Avery so we can be together.

Chapter Four

Avery Well, I lucked out. Tom and Elaina walked the other way and went around a corner instead of talking to us. Jen and I had exchanged a questioning look. I wasn’t sure, but it almost looked like they were arguing. She headed off to the bathroom, and I

went to the family waiting area and made a cup of coffee, then found a quiet corner and pulled my phone out. Huh, the coffee was pretty good. Earlier I’d saved some tabs but didn’t get time to watch the videos. Now I clicked on Marcus’s Gold Medal snowboard run and sat back, feeling anxious, excited and nervous like I was watching it live. The video started with him at the top of the run, getting ready but not appearing nervous at all. He was actually chewing gum and smiling like

he was just having fun snowboarding with friends. Why did that surprise me? I can so imagine him saying, “Dude, why worry? It’ll be epic or it won’t, but it’s awesome being here!” He looked down the slope, hutched just a little and launched forward. He flew down the run and up onto the first obstacle. It was way beyond what we had done in my head, especially when he hit a big jump and soared into the air, the blue sky behind him as he twirled, one hand grabbing the board. Oh, my god, he was graceful and

agile. It was beautiful! Noice, as Marcus would say. I couldn’t imagine how it must feel to have that ability and then be stuck in a hospital bed now. He was flawless all the way down the course, hitting every jump with a new trick. How could he even go that high and stay in control on the landing? It was freaking amazing. Like, gold medal amazing. He slid into the bottom with his hands in the air and a huge smile on his face, still chewing his gum. My heart swelled with pride and love for that

amazing man. He stood waiting in front of a purple backdrop as the crowd went wild, waving American flags and cheering. The commentators talked while the camera panned out, and everyone waited for his score to come up. The numbers flashed. Marcus broke into an even wider grin and pumped a fist in the air. Two other snowboarders jumped on him, slapping his back and grinning with him. I’d noticed that in some of the videos I watched: even though they were

competing, they were cheering for each other and having fun. It crossed nationalities even. All the snowboarders that I saw were cheering for each other and hanging out together. I couldn’t stop myself. I smiled back at him. He was relaxed and happy, and just a little bit cocky, but so endearing. And that smile! “Avery?” Jen’s voice made me jerk. “Oh, hey, I was just watching Marcus win the gold. Re-watching,” I added, feeling like I got caught doing something

bad. I haven’t watched it before, but I should have, at least according to the story we’re using. “The doctor said we could go back in.” I jumped up and hurried to follow her back. Their parents were huddled and whispering in the hallway about twenty feet from the door but straightened as we approached. Tom’s sliding glance made me think he wasn’t too pleased to see Jen and me walking together. Was there any chance in hell he’d warm up to me?

Jen peeked into the room and turned back to us. “He’s sleeping.” Panic shot through me. It must have shot right onto my face because she grabbed my upper arm. “He’s just sleeping. He’ll be in and out a lot right now.” I nodded, knowing my voice wouldn’t work right. I glanced at his parents, wondering what we were going to do now. So we stood there for a full silent awkward moment before Elaina touched Tom’s arm and he cleared his throat.

“We should thank you, Avery,” he said. “For…being there for Marcus.” His voice sounded heavy with emotion but his face and body were stiff, so I couldn’t honestly tell if he was sincerely thanking me or his wife put him up to it. If only I could hear what Marcus thought. Could I just be reading him wrong? “Well… of course.” I wanted to add that I loved him, but that was something I couldn’t say to them. Not now, or like this. After another painful pause, Tom said, “He’ll be here a while longer, then

rehab.” I nodded; that was expected. But why was Tom pointing that out? Because they planned to take him back home to Colorado? That made sense…and scared me. I searched for a way to respond when I heard a noise from inside the room. Jen glanced back in. She seemed to be in charge, like a body guard for Marcus. I wonder how she ended up in that role. “He’s awake and motioning…” She turned back into the room, then added to

us, “Yes, everyone.” I followed his family in, hoping that “everyone” meant me too. Marcus was pretty groggy, but that gave me a chance to study him. His lashes were so long with his eyes closed. When he’d been in my mind, his hair was longer but his family or the staff cut it at some point, probably due to his head injury. His full lips looked so sexy and kissable. I even liked the blond stubble on his jaw. His eyes opened and slowly moved from person to person. He noticed me

last and flashed a smile. Everything inside me burst wide open and I gave him a smile back. I wanted to grin my biggest grin but felt shy in case his family members turned my way. A rustle behind me caused me to turn, almost bumping into someone carrying in a food tray. And just like that, the rest of the day turned into a routine of different people checking on Marcus, meals, and rest. There was a lot of talk with different doctors and specialists. I stayed in the background, wanting to hear everything but feeling strange about

being with his family. They didn’t really understand how close I felt to Marcus, and how much I cared about him. How could they? His parents wrote me off as crazy before, and I couldn’t blame them for that. So I sat in the corner and listened. Jen and Elaina got up to leave and both gave me an encouraging smile on their way out. Maybe Elaina was starting to like me. The staff had cleared out again too, leaving just Marcus, his dad, and me. It was probably around dinner time, or later. Just now I noticed it’d

gotten dark outside. It’d been a long day. “So, Avery, you’re an English major?” Tom asked suddenly. I formed a word but didn’t speak. My pause was long enough to make me feel guilty over nothing, and I caught a look of concern on both of their faces. “You should be in class, not here,” Tom said, making it sound more like a crime than a personal choice. “Ave? Is there class right now?” Marcus asked, and I could see the gears turning even if I couldn’t hear them anymore. But why was he siding with his

dad? I ground my molars before answering, working out some anger. “There is,” I said lightly, trying to sound like it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t. Not compared to being here for Marcus. “Well, there’s class but it’s a new term starting.” I hadn’t even checked my grades for winter term. Marcus landed in my head in the last month of that term, so my grades might have taken a sharp nosedive. “Isn’t it important to be there for the beginning?” Tom asked, and again it

wasn’t a question. He was in full lecture mode. It’s been years since I had a parent to give me advice, wanted or not, so I didn’t know how to respond. I was braced for Tom to rant on, but just then I caught Marcus giving him a small shake of his head. A long pause fell. I was getting real tired of those. All this awkward conversation and waiting around. “Why aren’t you there?” Marcus finally asked me directly. I could read the disappointment and guilt in his eyes. “I need to be here. I mean, I want to

be here.” I held still while I wanted to shrug. I wasn’t going to apologize or make it seem like I would be anywhere else. Marcus had an intense look in his eyes, making them darker. “How much class have you missed?” he asked. I didn’t want Tom hearing this, especially when I had no idea. Marcus saw me hesitating and gave his dad a tilt of his head and lifted eyebrow. “I’ll let you two talk,” Tom said, getting up. “Avery…it’s not really my

business, but don’t you think the right choice is to get back to class as soon as possible?” I was too shocked at his directness to answer, and he walked out. I didn’t owe him an answer. It’s my life. But now he had ammo to force me to leave, which was what he really wanted. But how could I leave? There was no way I could concentrate on schoolwork or even sit still in class. I tried to think while opening my mouth, but Marcus beat me to speaking.

“Will you bring it over here?” he asked, nodding toward something. “Your guitar?” I asked. Really? Weren’t we going to talk about college? I couldn’t imagine him just dropping the topic but I didn’t mind putting it off either. “Yeah.” He made his bed raise more. I forced my gaze to stay away from his cast as I retrieved his guitar. “Sit here.” He patted the bed as he scooted up, positioning himself so I could sit between his legs. Nestling up to him sent a warm shiver up my back.

This still felt so new and different. We’re really both here, real, touchable. He had to move around more so his cast wasn’t in the way, and then his chest was mostly touching my back, sending jolts of pleasure up and down my body. I expected to feel awkward holding the guitar, but it felt almost natural after all the times I had played with him. Or rather, he played using my hands. His hand brushed my cheek and then pulled my hair back to sweep it over the other shoulder. Then his breath caressed my neck.

My eyes closed. It was pain and pleasure and want all rolled together— and I was freefalling in all of it. This was so immense, so consuming. A second passed and his lips pressed into my neck. I gasped so loud we both jumped. Marcus chuckled by my ear, activating every nerve in my body. More. I wanted more of him, more of his breath and mouth on my skin, his lips on my lips, his hands on me. “Remember how to strum?” he whispered.

If I could clear my head, I might remember… I nodded, a small movement so I wouldn’t bump into him. “Slow and steady at first. Let’s see if this works.” I began to strum. Nothing fancy, just moving my thumb up and down. Marcus used his left hand to tune the guitar by twisting the knobs at the top. His hand looked unsteady and didn’t grasp the little tuners quite right, but he worked at it until the chord sounded perfect. I patiently moved my hand, letting the strings sing into the room. The sound

soothed me, reminded me of time we spent together already, reminded me of a world that Marcus took me into. He put his hand to the stem. Sitting like we were, I couldn’t see his expression, but the way he moved his hand moved made me think it was difficult for him. I kept strumming but the chords sounded off. I gritted my teeth instead of flinching or turning my head. If it took all day, I’d sit here and help him. Finally, he did it. He got his hand to obey him and hold down the correct strings. The sound

changed as I strummed, and we played chords that didn’t add up to a song, just soft music. I had to concentrate too but my body was acutely aware of his so close behind me. When he breathed, his body touched mine. His heat warmed me. I closed my eyes, hearing the chords and feeling Marcus, wishing I could pause time for a day. I tried to absorb the sounds of the strings and the feel of Marcus so close to me, but he couldn’t play for long. I could tell he was tiring, and then he dropped

his hand with a sigh. “Babe,” he said softly. His tone made my stomach tighten. “Hmm?” I turned my face toward him. My cheek was almost against his jawbone, his mouth so close. “First, I’m really sorry that my parents are so skeptical. They could at least try to hide it.” I waited for him to say more, that maybe he agreed with them. Please don’t. Please don’t say you’ve lost faith in what we shared. Thankfully he didn’t say that.

“I know they have your best interests in mind, even before when they were…” I didn’t finish. “Well, I’m sorry about my dad and what he said.” “Thanks. I know it’s them and not you. Don’t feel bad when it’s not your fault. I mean, when I think about my dad —” Why did I say that? I really don’t need to deal with anything else today, so I quickly added, “I can’t talk about him right now.” “I know.” His words were so soft and understanding that I wanted to cry.

He didn’t even add anything about saving it for later. “But, on another important topic… You should finish the year, Ave,” Marcus said in a kind tone. “It’s one term, right? Just three months till summer break. I don’t want to pull you away from your life. You want to be a writer. You had plans. Have plans.” “I don’t need college for that.” After a few seconds of silence, I twisted enough to see him. He raised his eyebrows, his light brown eyes dancing with some secret, it seemed. “Remember your promise?”

“What?! That was before…” Did he really expect me to keep a promise I made when I thought he was going to die? “You promised me you’d go after your dreams. That means going back to school.” His stern look did weird things to me, things that made it hard to be upset right now. I wanted to smile and smack him, and maybe even kiss him, all at the same time. “That was before you woke up,” I reminded him again, my voice stronger. “That was when I thought I had to go on

without you.” “Your life is still your life, and you made a promise.” His lips curved in the slightest smile. Was that a sad smile, like he was saying a real goodbye? Maybe he had decided to listen to his dad. “Marcus, I don’t understand. After all we’ve been through, I can’t leave you.” His eyes searched mine as his head tilted in confusion. He started to form the word “what” but changed it. “Oh. Avery, baby, I’m not saying

leave, leave. I’m saying you need to go back to your life and get things back on track.” Cool relief trickled through me, but I still wasn’t sure. Maybe he was breaking up with me, but in such a nice way I couldn’t tell. I stared at his chest until his fingers touched my chin. “Babe, look at me.” “I put everything on the line to help you—to save you!” I fought the tears pricking my eyes. I’d gotten too emotional over all of this. “I know. You’ve been my princess in

shining armor. But, listen, I can’t let you flunk out of school or lose all your friends. I blew through your life like some kind of tornado, and I can’t live with myself if you lose everything.” “I don’t want to lose you!” The tears won and plopped onto my cheeks. Marcus leaned close to rest his forehead against mine. “I love you, Avery, and I won’t go anywhere. I promise. I’m here for you.” I knew he was right, but I didn’t want to think past this moment here with him. My life back in Ashland was a mess.

“I don’t know where to start picking up the pieces,” I admitted, pitifully, and watched his face fall. He pulled on the neck of the guitar and maneuvered it to the bottom of the bed. “I’ll help you, babe. We’ll fix everything, starting with your life, okay?” He squeezed my hand. “Okay?” “Okay…tomorrow. Then I can figure out what to do about all of that.” “Tomorrow. And you promise, right?” “I promise,” I said, the word an echo of the promise I made before, when we

thought we were out of time, and I promised to follow my dreams. It’s almost the same promise as before, but this time around it means walking out of this hospital and leaving Marcus here. He searched my eyes and ran the back of his fingers down my face. “You’ve been my fixer girl, remember? Now I want to help you fix your life.” His expression darkened for a second, and when I noticed, he shook his head. “I wish I could get out of here and help you, but when I can, I will.” “Marcus.” I shook my head, the

words I needed just out of reach. So I took his hand and rested his palm against my face while we gazed at each other. He had such warm amber eyes. “You’ll stay tonight with me?” he asked. “Of course I will.” I grinned suddenly. “You aren’t getting rid of me that easily.” His smile came back too, and he said, “Wasn’t planning on it, Tiger Lily.” He tugged my hand, wanting me closer.

Chapter Five

Marcus I came out of a dream slowly, aware I was waking up but still trying to stay in the dream. I smelled new snow and

heard Avery’s laugh. Soft lift filtered down from an overcast sky. For a few seconds, it felt so real, like when we were in her head and somehow out on the slopes at the same time. Then the images and smells faded away. My body hurt all over. It felt better to be asleep but I didn’t want that right now. It had to be the middle of the night but I felt more restless than ever. The room was dark and quiet except for Avery’s soft breathing. She was sleeping in the cot, curled up like always when

she sleeps. I was glad I didn’t have to sleep in tiny little ball like that anymore, but I do miss knowing her thoughts. Was she happy? Was she okay? Now it almost seemed like I had wrecked her life, and maybe she wasn’t happy to be here anymore. If this was true love and all, why did it seem to be hurting her? Feeling this uncertain sucked, and I wasn’t used to it. I worked hard all of my life. I didn’t hold back. I didn’t have to question myself or my abilities.

Ave made a noise and I looked over. Lights from outside shone in through the window. I took a minute to stare at her— her halo of wild hair around that pale face. My new pastime is studying her from this perspective…seeing her intense eyes and that mouth I want to kiss. Her face is so perfect. “Are you awake?” she whispered. “Yeah, come here.” She came over and slid up on the bed, and I rolled on my good side to spoon her. God, it felt nice. I hadn’t gotten to hold her like this yet, not in the

real world anyway. “I had this awesome dream,” I said, my voice low and sleepy. “I think we were out on some fresh pow together, but I can’t remember all of it. You were laughing. There’s not much more than that, but it felt so real for just a minute.” “Sounds nice. I wish we could.” “We will! And sooner than you think.” I wanted to slide my arm around her but could only move the cast and sling so far. Maybe it was a good thing I couldn’t run my hand up and down her body or up

her front. Damn, just imagining that did something crazy to me. Actually, just lying here like this, our bodies touching, made me ache for her. “Are you okay with this?” I asked her, wondering if she could feel how excited I was. “Oh, yeah.” Her voice held a naughty smile as her backside subtly gyrated against my crotch. I chuckled. Oh yeah, she knew. And she didn’t seem to mind too much. I could only imagine how crazy we’d go if I weren’t so weak and we weren’t here. Hell, even here I might

want to rip her clothes off and put this hospital bed to good use. But at the present moment, I’m just happy that my body responded the way it should. Too bad I couldn’t watch the images in her mind right now. Was she fantasizing about me? Or worried? I couldn’t be strong and be the man she probably wants and needs. “Are you okay with me right now?” I asked. “Huh?” She twisted her head my way. I couldn’t see her face though. “Of course I’m okay with you.”

“I’m not the same.” “Of course you are!” She reached back to run her hand over me. At her touch, I closed my eyes, overwhelmed with so many emotions I couldn’t sort them into words. “Well, I mean now you have a body to go with that sexy voice.” She is a funny one. “Ave, this recovery is going to take a while. I’m…not quite me.” “Marcus.” She scoffed. “You didn’t even have a body when I fell for you! I fell in love with your wit and charm and honesty.”

“Well, I’m being honest right now,” I said lightly, a laugh in my voice. “I’m used to hearing your thoughts, and having you know what’s going on in my head. This way, I feel more vulnerable. I’m so weak and I don’t know what you think and feel about it.” It felt good to get the words out. I pulled her closer and felt her back press into me, the length of her body against mine. “You can just ask. You’re smart, funny, sexy. What more could I want? And you are strong. You’ll see.” I breathed in her scent, so glad she

was here. “I want you. Need you,” I said. “And when I’m on my feet again, I’m going to have you.” I heard a quick intake of breath. “Sit up,” I said, knowing it surprised her. I rolled on my back and had her move around to my other side. I tangled my good hand in her hair and gently pulled her down so I could kiss her, then I turned her body so she was lying back with me. “I’m going to find a way to touch you.” Her breathing really picked up, and

that was before I ran my hand down her hip and thigh. It took effort, but I moved slowly up her body and under her shirt, over her bra to cup her. I wanted to explore and map every inch of her body: her breasts, her stomach, her belly button… the top of her pants. We both started shaking with need as I undid her jeans with one hand. It seemed like I’d gotten stronger and more able already. I slid my hand down enough to touch her through her panties, making her arch up. When I moved my hand faster, she covered it with hers, wanting more.

“I wanted to touch you so bad before…” I spoke low and quiet by her ear. Her body pushed back into mine, her hand gripping mine harder while I touched her. “Oh, god, Marcus!” She came with a cry and immediately covered her face with both hands. “Baby, it’s okay.” I kissed her cheek. “It’s fine. No one’s out there. It’s just us. Babe, let me hold you.” She rolled to curl into me and wrapped her hand over my arm. I wanted her so bad it felt like it could kill

me, but I didn’t want to go there in this condition. I’d get strong again first. For now, I’d be happy making her happy. And holding her. I wanted to keep her in my arms forever. *** Someone cleared their throat, waking me up. Two nurses were busy by the bed. When my vision cleared I could see them sharing a look and trying not to giggle. Did I have a giant morning woody?

Then I felt Avery move against me. I flashed a big smile at the nurses and held up a finger. The taller one motioned for the other to follow her out of the room. Knowing Ave, she’d get all embarrassed if she woke up with them in here. I watched her sleep for a few minutes before I could bring myself her wake her up. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. If only she could rest all day and not worry about anything. “Babe?” I ran my knuckles down her face and snuck in a quick kiss on her mouth. She smiled and stretched.

“Morning already?” “It’s a good morning with you here.” I kissed down her jaw and onto her neck, talking between kisses. “Your body is so sexy …so…so…so…sexy.” She laughed and caught her breath all at once, her hand covering mine as I felt my way around again. Voices interrupted us from the hallway and she sprang off the bed. I tried to hold in my laughter as she straightened her clothes. Yup, it was a good call to have those nurses leave. Avery gave me a mock glare right

before the nurses came back in, followed by my parents. “Good morning, honey,” my mom said rather brightly. Behind her, Ave gave me a little wave and mouthed, “I’ll come back later,” before she grabbed her jacket and headed out. I stared after her even when I couldn’t see her, clear until my dad cleared his throat. Man, this recovery thing is going to suck.

Chapter Six

Avery I walked around the hospital to stretch my legs and clear my head, but it reminded me too much of being here before, when they wanted to pull the plug on Marcus. I took the elevator down, and when the doors opened, I smelled the

cafeteria. My stomach growled so I went for a sandwich and a drink before walking some more. I rounded a corner and spotted a sitting area at the end of the hallway. Retro orange and green loveseats sat around a short coffee table, all looking out the windows. I couldn’t sit down though. I still needed to update my friends. Or friend, I should say. Jazz might be the only one who’ll talk to me, and I’m not even sure about that. I tried to remember if we talked after she called the hospital and warned them that I was off my rocker.

No, I don’t think we did. Huffing out a nervous breath, I called Jazz. “Ave?” She almost shouted my name, startling me. She couldn’t be angry anymore, could she? “Jazz, hey, how’s it going?” I start off easy. “Where are you? You’re not still in Portland, are you?” She sounded concerned, like she’d been tearing herself up over this. I felt bad for not calling sooner. “Yeah, I’m here with Marcus and his

family. He woke up, Jazz. He’s okay. Things are okay now.” A beat. “Wait? What? How? Ave, this doesn’t make any sense.” She sounded shocked, which meant she didn’t believe me before. “Well, he woke up and told them it was okay.” “How again?” How do I explain something that doesn’t make sense to me? I switched tactics and told her about Tom, Elaina and Jen, and the physical therapy Marcus

will need to do. “So,” she interrupted. “I have a question. I’m just curious… You know, if you’ve had any weird dreams with all of this?” Weird dreams? I thought back but nothing came to mind. I told her as much. “Why do you ask?” “I… I don’t know. I’m just always curious. You know that.” “That’s true,” I said, but it was out of character for Jazz to sound unsure about something. “Are you doing okay?” “Yeah, fine. I mean, we have things

to figure out, but don’t worry about anything while you’re up there.” She clearly didn’t want to explain what was on her mind… I wasn’t sure what to make of it, so I let it go for now and asked, “We’re still friends, right?” “Always.” Warmth flooded my heart, a real physical sensation of heat bursting into my chest. It took me a minute to find my voice. “I’m coming back for class,” I said, forcing myself to put the words out there. That made it more real, even though I

didn’t feel like I was completely committed to it yet. “When?” “Uhh, I’m not sure,” I admitted, hearing the sadness in my voice. A pause followed. “Avery, it’ll have to be soon if you want any chance of catching up. You could fail this term otherwise.” “I know.” I closed my eyes tightly, wanting to hide from this but knowing I couldn’t. “I’m here to help. I can get a few things started for you. I have some notes,

but you’ve missed a lot…” Jazz, my practical friend. I love her for that. “Thanks. I’ll start with that. I better go, but I wanted to let you know.” “See you soon?” She didn’t sound sure. “I’ll keep you updated.” “Bye,” we said at the same time. I should have told her I was there for her too, in case she needed anything. Why did I have a lingering feeling there was more to her question about dreams? Marcus had a dream last night—I

vaguely remembered him telling me something about it when I climbed into bed with him. That didn’t have anything to do with me really or Jazz though. I headed back to his room feeling heavy. I have so much to do back in Ashland. When I reached his door, his parents and Jen walked out. Jen gave me an encouraging smile, and I got the feeling they’d all been talking about me. “How’s he doing?” I asked her. “Good,” she said but not too convincingly. She patted my arm as she left with her parents. “Cheer him up for

us!” she called back over her shoulder. “I’ll do my best.” Jen glanced back and it hit me, she really does expect me to cheer him up. That’s either a lot of pressure or a show of trust. Maybe both. I stepped inside in time to see Marcus staring out the window, a faraway look on his face. The covers were pulled up over his waist. I’d hate to wear one of those hospital gowns for days on end; Marcus must too. Thankfully the bruises were getting lighter with each day.

He turned toward me but his eyes weren’t focused for a few seconds; he was completely lost in another world of thought. After another few seconds, his gaze swept over my face and his attention returned. “Babe, just the person I wanted to see.” I smiled as I sat on his bed and he pulled me into him. We held each other for a long moment while I listened to his steady heartbeat. “I can’t keep you anymore,” he said, stroking my hair. “Ave, you’ve got to get

going. It’s a long drive back.” I ducked my face and nodded. “I called Jazz and said I’m going back to class,” I told him. I know he’s right, but I don’t like it at all. I can’t argue either because he feels bad for screwing up my life as it is. His finger nudged my chin. “We can have weekends and stuff, right?” he asked. “Yeah, we can…” Reality started setting in. “I just don’t know how often I can drive back and forth, and it’ll be so hard being that far away from you.”

“It’s too much driving?” he asked, confused. I shrugged. “It’s a lot of gas money and my car isn’t the most dependable.” A flash of memory came, of when it broke down and I had to call Nash for help. “Ave, don’t worry about that, okay?” He flattened his hand on the side of my face, holding me gently so I wouldn’t look away. “I’ll cover your gas. We’ll figure it out if the car needs work. It’ll be okay.” At his words, tears popped up in my

eyes and started running down my face, surprising me. Marcus has been right about so many things. I wanted to believe him now. It’d just been so long since I heard those words from anyone. He reached to me again, wiping my tears away. He pulled on my shirt and I slid my body completely onto the bed beside him, facing him with my face pressed to his chest. I felt his breath on my forehead as it slowed down, and I closed my eyes, falling asleep with him.

*** The sound of low voices washed over me for a while before I realized they didn’t sound happy. I woke up but kept my eyes shut, listening to Tom and Marcus. “She should be in class.” “She’s going home today.” “But why did she wait? She should have left yesterday so she could attend today.” “Dad!” Marcus broke off and the room went silent. The light was on, and I

wondered if they could see my face. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Marcus. He was sitting in a chair facing the bed, and I was lying in the bed still. Tom must have been standing behind me. Footsteps sounded as he left. Marcus sighed and ran a hand over his head. His gaze landed on me and he said, “Don’t worry about him.” “You keep saying that, but I think I should be.” “He worries about people because he cares.” I tried to keep a blank expression. It

doesn’t seem possible that Tom was worried about me for my own sake. I leaned up to look at Marcus and beckon him to come back to bed. “Help me?” “Oh, of course!” I jumped up and helped him slide back up. The nurses must have come in and helped him get up this morning. I glanced at the window and realized it was later than I thought. He laughed softly. “I know you must be exhausted, so I tried to let you sleep.” “And your family thinks I kicked you out of your bed.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said, and his mouth curved up in a sly smile. For a minute, I couldn’t move, not with the way he watched me. Funny that he can make me blush still. I waved a hand toward the bathroom before disappearing inside. Was I ready for this? I had to leave him here. Every fiber in my body screamed at the idea. I’ve fought so hard for him, and now… now I just go back to my old life? When I came out, he motioned for me lay beside him. We held onto each other

in silence until he reached over to the stand by his bed for his phone. “Isn’t it funny that we don’t have each other’s numbers yet?” I laughed. “That is a bit unusual.” We exchanged numbers, and then he handed me a wad of money. “What’s this?” I asked, staring at it. He shook it and I reluctantly took it. “I don’t want you worrying about gas money, okay?” I nodded. This was starting to feel more and more like a big goodbye, like it’d be a long time before I saw him

again. Marcus saw my expression turn sad and opened his mouth to say something. I spoke first. “It just feels… it feels like I’m losing you again, and now I can’t hear what you’re thinking anymore. We’ll just be a part.” “Ave, baby, look at me,” he said and pulled my chin toward him. “We’re connected. Fate decided that. We have something special where we got to know each other from the inside out. Even if we can’t hear each other’s thoughts

anymore, even if we’re a part, you’re always on my mind.” He touched his chest, over his heart. “You’re always right here,” he said, his voice choked with emotion. I wrapped my arms around his neck, wanting to hang onto him for the rest of the day. Then Tom cleared his throat behind us. He was probably counting the minutes until I left. I pulled back from Marcus and searched his eyes, hoping he’d remember our connection even after I left, even when his dad was trying to

talk him out of being with me. We kissed one last time, a soft kiss on the lips, before I stood up. He looked like I felt—I couldn’t talk. So we nodded and I squeezed his hand and left the room, glancing back when I reached the door. He watched me leave. As I stepped out of his room, I remembered how his voice sounded when he said, It’ll be okay. Jen waited in the hallway. I thought Tom might come out and talk to me but he didn’t, and I didn’t see Elaina anyway.

“So, you’re heading back?” Jen tried for a perky tone. “Yeah.” “I’ll walk with you. I could stretch my legs.” We started off together, and she added, “In a way, you’re lucky you have something to go do to keep busy.” “I wish I didn’t.” She scoffed. “You might be glad later. It gets so old just staying here. But now that Marcus is doing better, I might go home.” “Home? And leave him here with

Tom and Elaina?” Ouch. That wasn’t the nicest tone, and I was talking about her parents. I glanced over. “I know they can be a bit much.” She looked down. Was she hiding her expression? They were great parents, sure, and I know they’ve been there supporting Marcus… But they don’t like me. I’m not sure how to prove to them that I’m helping Marcus and want the best for him. I let the topic drop, not wanting to argue with Jen, not when she’s helped me so much. She was the one that got me in to see Marcus while

he was in a coma. We talked about other things on the way down to the parking garage, where she hugged me goodbye. “Thanks for being there for Marcus,” she said when she pulled away. “You’ve really been there for him all along,” I said in return. “I hope you know how much he appreciates it.” Tears clouded her eyes as she nodded. She stepped back, and then we both waved and turned away, her heading back inside and me walking out in the garage to find my car.

I tried to think ahead to school. If I made it back to class tomorrow, I could get in a few days this week. That is, if my professors let me. The term started without me, and I’m not sure if I’ve missed the deadline to attend classes. I have to try, though. If for nothing else, because I made a promise to Marcus.

Chapter Seven

Marcus The dim, bland room felt small and empty without Avery. I ran my hands

over my face, wanting to hold it together, and ended up leaving them there. Hiding. Dude, this is seriously messed up. I never let anything shake me or get me down. I’ve lost competitions. I’ve totally yardsaled so many times. I’ve fallen and broken stuff before. I’ve always gotten right back up…but not this time. I heard my family walk in but didn’t have the energy to compose myself. I felt my mom’s hand on my shoulder. “Marcus?” I pulled my hands away. She was right there, with my dad and Jen lurking

behind her. Man, was I getting tired of looking up at everyone from this freaking bed. Mom sat down, her hand still on me. “You know, this is pretty normal,” she started. “How could any of this be normal?” “I’ve been reading up on this. When people come out of a coma, they can have short term memory problems, and be agitated and emotional.” She pulled up a brochure and began reading. “Your family member by be disorientated and confused about the time, where they are,

and even who they are. They might not understand what is happening.” “Mom, what the fuck? I know exactly who I am and where I am.” She jumped at my words. I was shocked myself. I still felt that boiling hot pressure in my head but I knew I’d crossed a line. “Sorry. Hey, I’m sorry. I’ve been letting myself get way too frustrated. But what are you worried about?” I glanced at my dad, still standing behind her. He turned and busied himself with putting things on a counter. Seriously? He

wasn’t going to say anything? “This is about Avery, not me. Isn’t it?” I pointed the question at my parents, but mostly at my dad. “You can all see my mental state is fine. I’m doing pretty damn well according to that cheesy grin doctor.” I struggled to lift my head so I could see Jen. My mom adjusted my pillow and then the bed so I was sitting up. Jen glanced at me several times but kept dropping her gaze, her arms folded and her body turned away. She didn’t want to argue with our parents, but she

believed Avery and me. “Marcus,” mom said, glancing at dad for support. “We need to talk about a physical therapy center.” What? Where’d that come from? I sighed, realizing she was changing the subject. I wanted to deal with this shit and make them see that Avery would be a part of my life. It’s my life—they’ll have to see that at some point. Maybe when I’m on feet again. Fuck! God damn, this is frustrating. “Why do I need another center?” I asked.

“After this one, not right now,” Mom clarified. Oh, hell, no. I can’t handle another center after this one. Mom and Jen took turns explaining it to me and reading out of different pamphlets until my doctor came in. Great. More questions and poking. My family had a list of questions for him too—literally. They’d written a list. I let them talk while I read over one of the pamphlets on recovery. A lot of it I knew from talking to the doctors and nurses, but it had some good news.

Damaged brain cells can repair themselves. The brain can even rewire itself and grow new pathways so you can get motor control back. The pamphlet shook while I tried to read it, thanks to my damn hand or nerves or whatever wasn’t working anymore. While she was here, I did my best to hide all this from Avery. She’d feel guilty if she knew how hard this was, and I didn’t want that. Or worse, she might quit college to help me. “Hey, listen,” I said, interrupting two different conversations. The doctor,

nurses, my parents and Jen all looked at me, startled. “I need some rest. Some quiet.” I closed my eyes before I could see them all pass around a hurt look. After some murmurs, the light went out and the room went quiet. I didn’t really want quiet or to be alone. I wanted to be out there somewhere, on a slope training or even on a run. Hell, I’d take being in Avery’s head while she went for a run. Anything but this, away from her, hardly able to control my body.

I knew I was slipping down in a hole of self-pity, but it felt kinda good at the moment. I tried rolling onto my side, giving it to it just this once.

Chapter Eight Jasmine “See you tomorrow, Jasmine!” Matt called as we left advanced drawing. I gave a little wave, wishing once again that I could like him. He’s super friendly and good looking with dark brown eyes and this rich, golden brown skin that I want to paint in a portrait sometime, and he’s been talking to me since we had a

class together last term. But I just haven’t felt it. Truth be told, I haven’t really felt it with anyone for a while, not since Corbin. I’ve had a few dates and some hanging out with different guys, and then I tried a relationship with Drake. He was great for a couple of weeks, but then he kept cancelling on me and always had something else to do. I dumped him in a text. Maybe he knew I wasn’t that into him anyway. It doesn’t work that well to try something new when you’re stuck on someone else.

I’ve spent a year and a half trying to get over Corbin, and it’s been like pulling myself out of molasses…while not wanting to give up the molasses. Even while I tried dating other people, I ended up seeing him again and ruining everything. My phone buzzed. Avery was supposed to be heading back down here soon so I pulled it out right away, but then I got a funny feeling before looking at it. I checked it while walking down the hallway. It was from him. What you up to?

Corbin’s face came up beside the text, stopping me like it does every time. I stepped to the side of the hallway. God, I hated this. I hated how one tiny little text from him sent my heart pounding and my entire body lighting up. And I especially hated how I would spend at least five minutes thinking about what to text back. Not seeing you today asshole— That’s what I wanted to send and should send, but I knew I wouldn’t. I could just say I was busy. I was. And I didn’t have to drop my plans every time he got horny

or bored. He’d spend a few hours with me and then disappear again. Why couldn’t I write him off? I didn’t need this anymore. Corbin was my artist when I got my first tattoo. I researched online to find the perfect style, and he worked at a shop in Medford. The tattoo took three hours and we talked the entire time. We clicked, like really really clicked. He thought like me on so many things. He said the same lines as me. He had some of the same mannerisms as me. He even loved art like me. He ended up asking

me out for a date that night to celebrate my first ink. Corbin was tall, but not too tall at five foot eight. His eyes were light brown with tiny flecks of gold and green in them, and his skin was light cocoa. He had two full sleeve tattoos and others all over his body, some he did himself. The guy was amazing with a tattoo machine. I couldn’t argue that even if I wished I could forget him. Corbin came on strong and romantic in the beginning, and I fell like I’ve never fallen.

He was charming too, almost in an old fashioned way where he made a show of getting the door or putting an arm around me. Somehow he knew all the things I liked, and he’d play with my hair and touch my side when he walked by me. I still don’t understand it. He wasn’t that good looking. And now I know he wasn’t even that great of a kisser. Thinking back, though, I loved everything about him at the time. Just being around him made everything feel okay. The world slowed down and I

could breathe. He was like my center. But about six weeks into it he said he didn’t want to commit to one person. It didn’t change things, though, not at first. We still hung out and had fun, but then he dropped off the radar for two weeks. The next time, it was a month. Every time I thought I could move on and get over him, he came around. I loved and fucking hated him all at the same time. Maybe that’s what kept me so addicted, how he popped in and out of my life, making me chase him. So now I’d spent more than five

minutes starting a text and deleting it again. How did he do this to me? My anger sparked and grew, and suddenly my head felt so hot that I couldn’t breathe. The floor felt like it was tilting. What the hell? This couldn’t be just from the text. The feeling lifted and I stumbled toward the exit, but then it got worse as I left the building. People pushed by me while I tried to orientate myself. “Jazz?” A male voice said my name right next to me. Only a few people use that version of my name, but I didn’t

recognize the voice. I reached a hand out and got shocked. Literally. I got zapped when my hand touched a wool sweater. “Are you all right?” I shook my head and peeked over, too woozy to really look at him. The wool sweater was a dark green. His faint cologne drifted to me, smelling slightly familiar, a very subtle mix of something exciting and spicy, but light at the same time. Before I could place the cologne, I felt his arm come around my back and I let him lead me off to the side of the

building where I could lean against the wall. That helped. I hadn’t realized how badly everything was spinning. I stood sideways, the wall holding me up and whoever helped me standing in front of me waiting for some kind of answer. “Thanks. Yes, I’m fine. I just felt odd for a moment.” I still did, actually, so I kept my eyes closed and rubbed my forehead with the palm on my hand. “Odd?” he asked, and when he kept talking it sounded like he was talking to himself. “I felt some kind of odd

sensation a second ago too, like I wasn’t here. I mean… never mind. You texted about Avery’s homework. That’s why I came up to you, but are you okay?” Memory clicked then. The dizziness lifted like a fog when the morning sun hits it. “Nash. Hi…” I looked up at Nash Phillips—way up since he’s around six foot and I’m a short Japanese girl. He leaned toward me, protectively I thought, but I pushed that idea away. He hardly knew me. Still, he watched me with troubled eyes like he was worried about

me. Tall, handsome, quiet Nash. The man with the beautiful olive skin and dark brown eyes that hint at green. I thought Avery was so lucky when they got together, but then that whole thing fell apart in a bloody mess. He’s book smart and nerdy from what I’ve heard about him, but still really hot. “Do you need to sit down?” he asked, searching my face, and probably wondering why I was gawking up at him. “Uh, no. I’m fine.” I looked down,

trying to remember the line of conversation. “Avery’s coming back to class and I wanted to help her catch up.” His eyes narrowed just enough for me to notice, and his mouth turned down at the corners. I hadn’t noticed before, but he had very nice lips. “You didn’t answer,” I said, “so I can assume you’re not interested in helping?” He held my gaze. “Why didn’t you go on that trip to the coast?” he asked, and it was so random and sudden that I just opened my mouth

in confusion, unable to find any words. He meant the one where Kyle kissed Avery and our circle of friends got obliterated? “Sorry. Never mind that too. I have some notes and papers for…her.” He opened his backpack and took out a folder. I planned to put it in my bag but for some reason I opened the folder instead and glanced at the two sets of neatly labeled papers. It looked like I had put it together. Guess I’m not the only organization freak around here. “Nash, thank you.” I did put them

away then, and suddenly I wondered why he was on this part of campus. “You don’t take any art classes, do you?” “No, why?” He kept his gaze on me all this time. I had to look away from the intensity. “Oh, I just knew you did, and I wanted to give those to you.” He tracked me down for this? I glanced back up at those searching eyes and that feeling hit again. It wasn’t the dizziness, but something that had been coming and going for about a week now, just some kind of strange sensation of knowing.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Jazz?” I liked how my name sounded on his lips when he used the shortened form. I stared for a minute before realizing I hadn’t made any attempt to answer. “I have to go. I’m late for class.” He tilted his head, squinting a little like he was curious, but he didn’t say anything or try to stop me as I hurried off. What was that? Had I made myself sick thinking about Corbin? Or did I just need to eat? I hurried to my next class—in the

English department—even though I was really late. Everyone was seated and our professor Tony was walking to the board when I slipped in and sat in my normal seat. I dug a energy bar out of my backpack pocket and nibbled it, trying to pull together some scattered thought. That feeling, it’d started in a dream the first time. I wasn’t sure what that meant. I found myself wishing this was drawing or painting, instead of an English lecture, because I’d rather be doing something than sitting with my thoughts running crazy circles in my

head. Nash was hot, smart, and a little mysterious to me, but he wasn’t my type at all. I mean, yeah, he was hot and looked somewhat like Corbin. But he’d dated a friend. So why had that thought even crossed my mind? I began discreetly sketching a blurry, dreamlike picture of a boat on water in my notebook so I could keep my mind off of Nash. It quickly became apparent I’d have to paint this. It’d work much better in oils than pencil. So I switched to practicing henna designs, making

circles, swirls and flowers. I have a box of new henna mud waiting for me at home, and I’m dying to try some designs on skin again. Will Avery miss drawing, if she can’t anymore? That whole situation blew my mind. I can’t believe it, and yet I saw the artwork she did while Marcus was supposedly in her head. I’m just glad it’s over…and secretly glad it wasn’t me dealing with all of that. For some reason, that thought led me back to Nash. Whatever weird thing happened back there, I’m staying the hell

away from it. My phone buzzed in my pocket, making me jump. I slipped it out as carefully as I could so the professor wouldn’t see. It was a text—from Nash. Odd, since I was just thinking about him. And also odd because we’d just talked. When is Avery coming back? Damn. He was still in love with her. I sighed and texted, Tonight. He texted right back: So you don’t need tomorrow’s notes? Is that why he was asking? I puzzled over it, realized I was overthinking it

like I usually do, and then answered: I don’t think so. I’ll let you know. Thanks so much. When his next text came, it wasn’t what I expected. I’m happy to help you. Help me, not Avery? Could he actually be over her? I know how mad he was after the coast trip when Kyle kissed Avery…or Avery kissed Kyle, according to Kristina’s point of view. Whatever happened, somehow it brought out the whole thing about Marcus in Avery’s head—at least

Nash heard about it. Kristina never did. Shit, it was a lot of drama. Part of me hoped Avery wouldn’t make it back today, or at all, so Nash would keep talking to me instead of directly to Avery. The rest of me felt horrible for feeling that way of course. I wanted Avery to come back and catch up in school and fix things with Kristina. We were all so tight, and now Kristina was avoiding all of us. I haven’t talked to Dawn because she was more Kristina’s friend, but she was still a part of our group.

Avery’s been gone. The guys are gone for good, but I’m not sure if I regret that. Kyle was a prick and Steve was a dumb jock that didn’t have any of his own ideas. I haven’t asked Dawn if she’s still seeing him. I do regret making that phone call to the Portland hospital about Avery. I totally betrayed her. Yeah, I was worried she’d lost it. I was worried she’d make a fool of herself or even worse, put herself or Marcus in danger somehow. I was freaked out about the whole thing, worse than I’ve ever been in my life.

I caught myself sighing and sunk down into my seat. Tony even paused his lecture to stare at me. It probably sounded like I was bored out of my mind. The truth is I’m getting a little panicky from running all of this through my head. I shouldn’t have come to class; I haven’t heard a word of the lecture. I glanced around. Everyone was staring ahead blankly, writing notes, or covertly tapping on their phones. I spaced the entire rest of class and bolted when it ended. Outside, overcast

clouds made it feel too bright. Maybe I just needed to go home and take a nap. Maybe restart my day. I turned to head back the other way and bumped into someone. “Sorry—Nash?” “Hi… I wanted to make sure you were okay.” We both stared. What could I say after our earlier conversation? “I’m fine.” People streamed by as we stood still. I couldn’t take any more of this, whatever it was, and started walking away.

A minute later I glanced back. He’d walked down the path but looked back just as I did. What the hell was going on between us?

Chapter Nine Avery It’s a strange thing to come home when you’re a completely different person and everything has changed. I sat in the idling car on the street. The house stood there looking the same, and somehow the dissidence of it all split me down the middle. Still, I pushed that aside, pulled into

the garage and turned off the car, and started gathering things to take inside. It’d gotten messy between running up to Portland, the coast, back to Portland… Too bad Portland and Ashland are on opposite sides of the state and five hours apart. Portland is literally at the very north point while Ashland is just a few miles short of the southern border with California. At least they’re both on I-5. “Avery?” Jazz’s soft voice sounded surprised. I turned around and couldn’t hold back a smile of pleasure. She had her

long black hair up in a knot like she does when she draws, and she wore a long shirt over leggings. “Jazz, oh my gosh, I’m glad to see your face.” I stepped over and grabbed her in a hug before she could argue. A minute later she pulled back. “So you’re really not mad?” “Mad?” I really hoped it wouldn’t be weird between us. I needed a friend. “Jazz…” “I totally turned you in.” Remorse filled her fine features, crinkling her face.

“Well, what were you supposed to do?” I asked with a shrug. “Let’s just forget about it.” She looked at the car behind me and grabbed a stack of stuff. I got my bag and a few loose things and followed her inside. We walked back to my room to set things down and then I flopped backwards across my bed while she sat in the computer chair. “This feels a little weird, being home, like things are normal.” How crazy did that sound? “Tell me what happened at the

hospital.” “They were planning to pull life support. That was around when you called. I was trying to talk them out of it, but of course they didn’t believe me. I know it sounded completely crazy. We thought we were out of time… So we went to the beach, Marcus and me.” “How?” “I drove…he talked. He wanted a trip like that for us, like I did with everyone else. We went and sat on the beach.” The evening rushed back—those beautiful, painful moments of quick

eternity—but I didn’t want to tell her about all of it. “We talked all night, until I fell asleep, and then he was gone in the morning. I thought I’d lost him. But his sister Jen called me to say he woke up. Right when he woke up, he didn’t know who I was.” I try to say the words in a neutral voice. It’s hard describing the moments when he looked at me like a stranger, but I pushed through and told her the rest. Then that phone call… Ave, I love you, come home. After several long quiet moments, I told her, “I didn’t know I could fall for

someone like this.” She didn’t comment. It wasn’t a bad silence but I finally lifted my head and looked at her. Skeptical Jazz. Her mouth was twisted to one side. “Like what?” she asked, like it was a great mystery that she needed to figure out tonight. “Like… it’s my head and heart and soul, and I want him, and I don’t feel like I have any control over it. I just need him. Just thinking about him makes everything inside me sing.” She stared at me hard, and I could

almost see smoke coming out of her ears. Why was she analyzing this so hard? Her gaze shifted to the wall above me and I let her think for a while. She mumbled something to herself, something like, so you didn’t have any choice? Should I comment on that? Did I have anything to say? Then I noticed something on her leg, sticking out of her legging. “Is that a tattoo?” I asked, sitting up. She pulled her legging up to reveal a swirly design in blue. “Temporary tattoo in jagua ink. It’s natural like the henna I

showed you before.” I leaned closer. The swirls blended with a bird in flight. I did remember her henna habit. She ordered this mud off Amazon and drew patterns on her skin. After the mud dried and flaked off, it left a stain for a couple of weeks. “This dries and comes off easier, but the design disappears for a few hours. Then it comes in dark blue like this.” I had a feeling she liked it because it looked like real ink—and I think she’d mentioned wanting to become a tattoo artist. At one point, I almost thought she

had dated one but she doesn’t talk about that. “That’s really good, Jazz.” I could draw for a short while, with Marcus in my head. I doubt I can now. “I’m getting there.” She stood up, still looking like her thoughts were elsewhere. “So what about rent?” I asked, waving a hand toward the hallway and Dawn and Kristina’s rooms. “Kris just left?” “Dawn is still here, but I think she might be avoiding me and all of this… I

don’t know about Kris. She probably assumes you want her gone.” What was I going to do about that? I already pay double rent because I get the garage and this room, with its own bathroom, but I can’t pay her part too. I had a trust fund from my parents, but it would only go so far. I had to budget like a boss. We’d already agreed it’d be hard to get another roommate for spring term, especially since it was underway already. Jazz shrugged. This probably freaked her out. She’s a planner.

“We’ll get it figured out,” I told her, the best thing I could come up with. “I have some studying to do,” she said, stepping through the door and adding, “I’m really glad you’re home.” “Thanks, and goodnight,” I said, although I had a feeling she was off to draw or planning to head out. It used to drive Kris nuts trying to figure Jazz out. We all know she slips out to do things she never tells us about, and I’m guessing she’s hanging with other friends or drawing henna on people, or even taking more art classes. She’s very

serious about all of that. She was also still freaked out about this thing with Marcus and me. I decided to give her some time before bringing all this up again. So now what? I texted Marcus to let him know I’d arrived home safely. I wished his guitar was here. I felt the ache in my fingers to play, and the music bubbling up in my chest, but I had a sad feeling it wouldn’t work anymore. I won’t have that connection that gave me the ability to draw and play music. The realization scared me. I stood up

suddenly started pacing in my small room, finding my hand tangled up in my hair, pulling on it. I wanted him. To touch him. To see him. So why does it bother me that I lost the other connection, and the way things were before? But what if I could have some of those things? Maybe I can learn on my own. I grabbed a sheet of paper and a pencil, then sat and stared at the lined blankness. I put the pencil down and started to move it. Without letting myself make the thought, I knew I was trying to

draw Marcus. I tried to draw like he would, starting where he would start, and slowly filling in with the eyes, the shape of his nose, his mouth. To my surprise, my hand created what I saw in my mind. It worked! I drew him. I wanted to draw his smile but for some reason, the eyes aren’t quite smiling—they were intensely looking out at me. Oh, my gosh. I had captured his expression when he zeros in on my face, the look when he’s about to kiss me. I suddenly heard my breathing:

quick, happy, almost like a laugh over my creation. I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture, planning to text it to him. But then again, this was for me. And he hadn’t texted back so he was probably sleeping already. I felt strange about it now and put the phone down. It was really late anyway. So I stared at the drawing a few minutes and then got ready for bed. And I thought I was okay until I got under the covers, staring up at the ceiling, feeling all this darkness and aloneness all around me. And quietness. I wanted

music. I thought about getting my phone to play some, but then I heard Marcus playing his guitar and singing in my head. Why did it hurt so much? The bed felt wrong just like my life, and I couldn’t understand why I felt that way. Marcus was okay. We were okay. Life was fixable now. The “fixable” just felt so big and scary right now. “Marcus?” I whispered into the dark, gazing blindly up at the ceiling. “Are you there? I need you.”

I tried to breathe but my body shook, so I rolled onto my side and curled up, squeezing my eyes shut. How was I supposed to focus on my life here when my thoughts would be up there with him? I needed escape. Please just let me go to sleep. The words were like a prayer and I felt myself falling into sweet oblivion. It wasn’t empty; it was the silence of a white, padded world where everything is brighter, clearer. The smell of snow filled my nose. Clean. Crisp. The cold,

clean air shot into my lungs like a drug, racing through my veins and hitting my brain with a burst of serotonin. Pure happiness filled me. I had a board under me and miles of pristine powder stretching out, inviting me to explore. Diamond-like sparkles speckled the snow, dancing in the sunlight and leading the way as I raced forward. Clear blue sky blessed me from above. Smelling pine, I turned my head. A forest stood off on one side decorating the edge of the clearing, and a mountain beckoned before me.

My core temp came up from the excitement. Pure, so pure. Such a singleness—it was just what I needed. I became aware of the board shhhing over the snow, and I suddenly loved that sound with a terrifying intensity. Overflowing with gratitude, I yelled out, my jubilant voice filling the meadow and slopes and gullies. I turned my body and took a new direction, gliding over a rolling section that felt like waves under me. The slopes! Marcus?

He filled my soul, his joy matching mine. How’d we get here, babe? I don’t know! I just know it feels great! I know, right!! Let’s hit this! With a whoop, we moved together, flying toward a hill, anticipation of the jump practically lifting us before the takeoff. We flew off the top. It wasn’t anything fancy. No flips. No 180. No board grabbing. The beauty of the ride just froze us in a silent flight out over the powder,

feeling the cold wind on our skin. That’s what alive feels like. We landed, knees soft, and glided down. My thoughts swirled, wondering how Marcus felt out here, with…reality back there. I felt his mind react, turn toward that thought, and then shove it away. Who cares about that now? I didn’t. Not when I can have this. Wow, deep powder out here today. I pulled in a super deep breath, wanting to capture as much as I could from here. I’d need it later. We took the downhill, swinging

around the few trees and enjoying it silently. Just being here. Just being. A sharp incline came up and we took it fast. Probably too fast. It didn’t matter. We soared higher than possible, flying, laughing in the face of life. I expected a complete yard sale but we just fell into the snow and rolled. That’s when I became aware we were both there—it wasn’t just his voice and being filling my head. We were both lying in the snow. His laughter filled the air, full and sure, one of those laughs that pause life. We ended up side by side on

our backs, my arm over his. I rolled my head to look at him—this was so different to see his face, the sky reflected in his eyes, the white of his teeth as he smiled. What is this, I wondered, and he lifted his eyebrows in answer. Just us. We’re different. I laughed. I love you, babe. Marcus… Light filtered in. I was waking up in bed, alone. I felt

around under the covers, half expecting Marcus to still be with me. He wasn’t, of course. I’ve been free falling. When his life was in danger, nothing else mattered. But then he went back to his body, and out of my head, and I think I lost my way. Marcus has dreams and a career. He’s going to fight like hell to get strong again and go after more competitions and medals. I know he can do it. I need to remember my dreams and my life, and get back up and fix all of this. I don’t know if I can catch up on my

school work and pass, or if I can fix things with my friends, but I’m not going to lay around and cry about it anymore.

Chapter Ten

Marcus Whoa. I grinned at the ceiling in the mostly dark room, still filled with warmth. With

Avery. That was mind blowing. Freeing. So crazy. Holy shit, I needed that—a few minute out on the slopes, a few minutes with the woman I love. A life line, that’s what that was. I’d been spiraling down into… depression? Was that depression? It was new to me, this thing that sucked the life and energy and drive out of me. Being stuck here, like this, was killing me. Not anymore… not after that and feeling so close to Avery again. The dream didn’t make any sense, but neither

did the rest of my life. Like, how did I end up in this hospital bed? How did I end up in Avery’s head? Why Avery? Why me? That was the most mysterious part. Why would a guy like me end up with her? Did fate have some crazy ass sense of humor? I can still remember those first few days in her head and how timid she seemed. If I would have been some guy on the street (but still like me) and she met me, we probably wouldn’t have made eye contact. I would have checked her out, and she would have looked

down and hurried away. And yet we were thrown together so we couldn’t even hide our thoughts from each other. Maybe that was for a reason. Maybe the universe wanted me to help Avery come out of her shell. I know she believes it happened so she could save my life, but maybe I’ve helped her too. And I have to make sure I keep doing that. I can’t let her leave her life in ruins. It’s my fault, but I’m going to make sure it gets fixed. I stretched my body in the bed, feeling weak and sore, but I wouldn’t

trade any of this if that meant I didn’t know her. That clarity surprised me. Maybe I was finally getting my head on straight. I was alone for a change. It was too early for my family, and the staff was letting me rest. Anytime now, though, the nurses and therapist would intrude again and want me to go through all the monkey tricks. Man, I’m starting to sound bitter. I’m alive. I’m in one piece. I’m going to recover. After all I’ve been through to get to here, this should be nothing. I’ve

trained long and hard, and chased my dream all across the world. I’ve gone farther than I ever thought possible… even though I believed in it too. Now I would chase my health and Avery. Just her name made me close my eyes, my body perking up and wanting her. “Marc?” Jen’s soft voice startled me. “Oh, hey, sis. You’re here early.” I fumbled around until I found the button to raise the bed. She reached for it too. “I got it. I can do some things for myself.”

“Like fall in love while you’re in a coma?” “Huh, guess I can’t slip too much past you.” I tried for a laugh and she did too. “Does it make any sense to you?” “Nope.” She turned away from me and attached something to the wall, a big poster board. When she stepped back, I could see it was filled with photos of me in snow gear, others with me grinning with my boys, and our boards in the picture half of the time. A few photos showed me airborne in the middle of a

flip on the slopes. My life stared back at me in photos. That’s who I am, not this weak person lying here. “I thought some good memories might encourage you.” She folded her arms and stared at it for a minute before sitting by the bed. “Noice! Thanks, sis.” I held up my fist and she gave me some love. We both looked at the photos for a minute and then I realized what was missing. “Where are you?” “What?” “You should have put some with you,

sis.” She laughed and dropped her head. Jen’s more of a behind-the-scenes person, but she’s always been there for me. I wished I had pictures of Avery and me too. Wait… “Hey, will you check over there and see if she left my drawings?” I pointed, my heart jumping when I saw a stack of papers. Jen flipped through them, a smile forming on her face, and then she laughed. “This is me.” “Yup. Avery got so jealous when I

drew that! I didn’t know who it was.” “Really?” She glanced at me several times while she tacked my drawings to the wall. “How did that work? You could draw while you were in her head, but you didn’t even know who you were drawing?” “Yeah, I drew some of those in the middle of the night. She was sleeping and I somehow made us get up, and I used her hand to draw. I had this vague memory of you. Then Avery found them in the morning.” Thankfully Jen turned away then and

didn’t see my evil grin. That night I also sneaked a peek at a few of Avery’s things…like her panty drawer. I wonder if Avery knew about that? I guess there’s a few surprises we can still share. Now I did have a more complete mosaic of my life with Jen and Avery. We’d have to put some up of mom and dad too, if I was here much longer. I ignored that thought and focused on the moment. A minute later, I asked, “You think Mom and Dad will come around about Avery?”

“Don’t they have to?” she asked right back. I laughed and then had to explain. “I sounded like you there and you were being me.” She gave me a huh face until she got it. “Cause I’m reassuring you? I always do, you dork.” She was waving her hand at me and I was swatting her away when we noticed our parents. “Oh, hey, good morning.” I gave Jen a mock glare. “It’s nice to see you two having fun.”

Mom gave my dad a big ol’ smile. “Isn’t it?” She kinda looked like a 40s housewife for a minute there, and her voice even matched. “It is.” Dad clamped a hand on my shoulder. “Laughter’s the best medicine. You’ll be up and running again in no time with your attitude.” “He’s always had a great attitude,” Jen said, rolling her eyes. She’s like our little police officer sometimes! “Now, Jen,” Dad started. I just smiled, watching them pick at each other. Better than soap operas. That

reminded me of my Grams watching “her shows.” I do love my family. “Now, Avery got home safely and back to class?” I had no idea about the class part, but I said, “Yup.” “She’s been a real sweetheart to you.” Mom waited half a beat before giving Dad a look. They had a funny way of arguing. “Yeah, she has,” he said reluctantly. “She coming back up next weekend?” Jen asked, and it was the natural next question. But it was a

loaded question—as in a bulldog loaded up on bad burritos and about to blow. “Think that’s the plan,” I said, keeping it short. Dad glanced at Mom and cleared his throat. “Don’t you think it’d be better for her to focus on school and not run up here again?” I opened my mouth but couldn’t respond. I’d wondered that too actually. But, damn, I wanted to see her. She would be here on the weekend, not during class, but he had a point. Still, I knew Avery would be

miserable if she stayed down there, away from me. Knowing her, she’d be thinking about me and worrying and not studying anyway. My parents and Jen were all staring at me, and I got the ugly feeling that Dad thought he was making ground. Why did he want to keep her away from me in the first place? Did he think she was slowing my recovering or hurting me somehow? I shook my head, jaw clenched, trying to find the words to put this doubt to rest. “I love her,” I said. “She’s a big part

of my life, and she’s going to be around. Okay? I know you don’t understand it all, but you love and trust me, and this is my life.” My throat tightened while I waited for my dad to respond. I wanted to hear him say something. The quiet in the room built until he finally pulled in a slow breath. A knock on the wall by the door stopped him from speaking. “Marcus! Ready for today’s session?” Jared, a stout, fit man of about thirty, spoke while walking into the room and flipping through the papers on his

clipboard. He had big ears and usually a super wide smile, but when he looked up, he got concerned as he glanced between my family members. “Jared! I am. Let’s go.” He’d save me from this hell, even if he was taking me to another one. “Do you want us to come?” Jen asked. I shook my head. I couldn’t take any more family group stuff. So Jared helped me into the wheelchair. As he wheeled me down the hall, he said quietly, “Your family means well.

It’s hard on the families.” I snorted. “Yeah, I know. All’s I’m saying is they got it hard too.” I scoffed this time, but not loud enough for him to hear me. This negative shit wasn’t like me. I didn’t like it. We entered the therapy room and I looked around at the torture devices. The rails to help me stand and walk taunted me. “Ya know,” he said, turning to survey the room with me. “You’re doing way better than I could have expected.”

Maybe it had helped me, being inside Avery’s head. I wasn’t really in a coma, not like other people have been. I was active and thinking, and that might have kept my body strong. Before Jared could turn, I tried to grip the wheelchair arms and push up. My hands didn’t grip all the way but I found some inner strength to propel myself up outta the chair… And almost into Jared. My legs played stupid and buckled. “Whoa!” He caught me like I was a kid and lowered me back down. “Let’s

do this right, man. One thing at a time. One step at a time.” I stared at his chest, blood flooding my face so fast I couldn’t hear. What if my limbs didn’t start listening to me? Was I going to be a ragdoll the rest of my life? “Listen, Marcus, you know this will take work. Small steps at first. I mean, you trained to make it to the Olympics, so I know you know how to work hard and be patient.” Fuck, I wasn’t going to sit here and dwell on this. I motioned for him to get

started. I knew we had the stretches first. He kept talking the entire time, as he moved my good arm. “I know you want to get back on that snowboard… and you want to be there for your girl.” “You a mind reader now?” I asked, but only halfway irritated. “It’s the truth, ain’t it? You’ve got lots to motivate you.” “Yeah, and I’m still sitting here.” Jared turned and looked around. “Why don’t we get to work? Show me what you can do.”

I thought back to how I gave Avery strength when I was in her head. That was all mental. Snowboarding is mental. Winning is mental. It all starts in your head. “I can work hard,” I told Jared. “I don’t care how hard it is or how much it hurts. I just want to be my own person again, and soon.” He grinned. “That’s what I like to hear.” That’s what I wanted to show everyone, and Avery most of all.

Chapter Eleven Avery The world was waking up outside but I wanted to cherish the soft, warm, safe feeling in my bed for just a few minutes more. Why, I kept wondering, was I feeling so timid about going on with life? What was I so afraid of now? Was it just because so much had changed, and I couldn’t find the horizon

anymore? I’ve lived through a lot of change. Losing my parents, and knowing it was my dad’s fault. I had to start out on my own. I’ve left so many things buried thinking I wouldn’t have to deal with them. I’m not sure why it clicked into place at this moment, but I realized I needed to tie up all those loose threads in my life. My dad was gone; he’d never get to right what happened or even apologize for it, but I know he would want to. Somehow I have to find a way to let that go and remember all the good

times we shared before they died. My life is completely different again, but it’s good changes, right? I have Marcus in my life now. Jazz is still my friend. I would just have to fix the rest of it. My first day back; I can do this. I threw back the covers, got up and got ready. It was so nice outside I rode my bike to school. The air smelled fresh and clean, a soft breeze kissed my skin, and blue sky showed through the clouds in places. A good sign. I locked my bike up and it felt good

walking onto campus. And the first person I recognized as I navigated through the walkways was Ettore. I flashed him a smile and rushed over, swinging my arms up to hug him. Then I realized we weren’t exactly hugging friends, but he hugged me back. We always talked in class but I hadn’t spoken to him since all the crazy happenings. “Damn, Avery, you won’t believe the rumors I heard…and now I’m wondering after that hug.” He blushed, looking down at me. My super tall friend.

“I… yeah, things got weird for me. Headed this way?” We turned and walked together, talking all the way there like old times. Maybe some things wouldn’t change on me. My day turned into a day of catching up. First I had to make sure I could still attend this term. Then I had to catch up with professors and try to explain things, then get back assignments, and beg for more time. It was all too much, so I tried to make a list and work through it, not thinking about the actual work part yet. In the halls and outside, people were

sliding glances at me but no one made eye contact. Did they all know? Were the rumors going around about how I’d gone off the deep end? I could go to the middle of campus and scream at the top of my lungs, “He’s real! He’s alive! I’m not crazy!” But I think that would defeat the point. I laughed to myself as I walked, thinking how Marcus would like that too. Hell, he’d probably do it. Isn’t that funny? But he can’t hear me anymore. I sighed and looked ahead, and

someone caught my eye. I recognized his silhouette and took off running. “Nash!” He paused mid step for a half second before he just kept going. “Nash!” I ran up beside him. He stared ahead, his face stone like, while I caught my breath. “Please just give me a minute to talk to you.” His gaze slid over and returned to the path. “Sixty seconds and counting.” “I’m really sorry for putting you through all of that.” “If you had something going on with him, why did you string me along?”

What? I tried to catch up mentally but didn’t do too well on that aspect. “Nash, I wasn’t sure he was real.” He twisted his face up and held up his palms, giving up on all of this, I guess. “I saw his video on Facebook,” he said in a flat voice. Somehow there was still a lot of emotion behind it. I didn’t know anything about that. I looked around, helpless, wishing for something to say to help this situation. “It doesn’t make any sense.” “Yeah, I know.” He turned and

walked off at an almost sprint. I walked away, deflated and hurt. Yeah, I really hurt him but I didn’t mean to. I really liked Nash before Marcus fell into my head and life. I tried to shake the guilt off and get on with my day—with so much to do I couldn’t allow myself a pity party right now. Two hours later, back at home, I threw my backpack on my bed and starting unloading it. Looking at my books and notebooks, everything came crashing down. How was I going to write three papers, a short story

revolving around smell, a paper on a short poem I didn’t like, a movie critique for my film class…and I hadn’t watched the movie yet…and all of the reading. Oh, and an assignment where I find a song as the background. I felt too overwhelmed to think straight. Maybe I needed to move more. I dropped down and started doing pushups. Then I laughed out loud. Marcus would love this—he wasn’t here to push me and I was doing pushups on my own. I finished twenty, then did fifty sit ups,

and finally dug through my dresser for running clothes. It was early evening when I went outside, with puffy clouds all over the twilight sky, but no rain. The cool air felt perfect. This April was turning out to be a warm one. I took off, knowing I was procrastinating on my school work, but I needed to clear my head before digging into it. At first I missed Marcus and wanted to hear his voice, but soon I found my rhythm and just listened to his songs in my head. I didn’t think about how far or

how long I ran; I simply ran along at a comfortable pace, imagining that each step cleared my head a little more. I headed out of town a ways and turned back when it felt too dark to safely run. I was back by the houses when a car came up alongside me, its loud engine startling me. I knew it was one of those little racing cars before looking over at the low rider Honda. Was Kris still hanging out with Kyle and driving it? I ducked down to see the driver and met Kyle’s brown-eyed gaze. Fuck. Goosebumps went all the way

down my back. He pulled the car to the curb and shut off the engine. Why did he do that? I wanted to take off running at first, but I decided to face him and walked around to the driver’s side—there were houses on both sides and even a person pulling into their driveway. He watched me through the window, then got out slowly and shut the door. That made me nervous, but he leaned against the car in a nonthreatening way. I hadn’t seen him or heard anything about him since the trip to the coast. It

had all taken a back seat to saving Marcus’s life. Now it rushed back, how he tried to kiss me and got Kris mad at me, and even before that how he played games with my life. I crossed my arms and glared. “You’re a real asshole.” He reacted physically, wincing like I had pinged him with a bullet. “I know, I did figure that out.” He combed his fingers through his hair, then slid both hands in his jeans pockets. “I’m sorry about everything. I really want a chance to apologize to you.”

Sorry? Mr. Movie Star Looks and Charm was sorry? Was he genuine? Or just trying to make points to get back with Kris? Or still trying to mess around with me? “I shouldn’t have tried anything over on the coast. I don’t know why…” He shrugged, a helpless shrug like it was out of his control. My anger spiked. “What are you after?” “Just wanted to apologize?” He looked around, self-conscious. “Kris and I are over. I’m not trying to make anything happen here. I just saw you and,

well… we were all friends and I screwed it up.” He squinted at me. Had we really been friends? He’d dated Kristina for a year after him and I broke up, but we were more fake friends than real, just playing parts for Kris. I glanced around because I didn’t know how to react or what to say. The neighborhood was quiet but my heart started pounding super hard. I heard it in my ears and felt it in my fingertips. It didn’t help that I’d been running. “And what about before?” I asked.

That little simple word was dirty in this case. I thought back to that night and the nightmares. It doesn’t bother me like it used to, but it was still wrong of him. “I’m sorry about that too,” he said quietly, his face down for a long minute. Then he made eye contact again and repeated, “I’m sorry. I’ve been stupid. That was really stupid, and mean, and I’m sorry I scared you.” I don’t ever let myself think about that night with Kyle so long ago—how I didn’t want to go all the way with him and he punched the wall. The weird part

was, I always felt embarrassed about it. Humiliated even. But I didn’t do anything wrong. I stepped back, wanting to run away from the emotions bubbling up like hot lava. “I guess we should have talked about that a long time ago. I lost it, and I was wrong. I was embarrassed too, you know? I knew I did something wrong, and I don’t know. I got with Kris, and we all acted like things were normal.” We did. It had been easier that way, but not better. I wasn’t going to admit

that to him now though. “No one else knew things weren’t.” I bumped the toe of one sneaker into the ground. “But maybe things can be fixed, you know?” A car rolled by and we waited it out. It wasn’t like they could hear us from inside the car but it felt right to wait. He held out his hands. “Is there’s something I can do to make things right…” I swiveled around slowly, thinking, wondering about this. When I turned back his way, I asked point blank,

“Where is this coming from?” “That’s the crazy thing.” His voice picked up, excited. “I had these dreams. They were so real. Well, the dreams were really shitty, but I dreamed like I was you, like on the other end of things, and saw what I did.” I stepped back again, this time disbelief almost knocking me over. He had dreams? That was something special. He didn’t deserve to be a part of this thing that had touched both Marcus and me. I took another step back, shaking my head.

“I know, I know, it sounds nuts. And even if you can’t believe me, you can see I’m different right?” He straightened up, holding his hands out like he was begging. “And it was awful. I didn’t know. But please believe me. I even talked to my mom and told her everything. I’ve actually been looking for you so I could apologize.” I turned away, a hand over my mouth. I couldn’t believe it, not because I didn’t believe it could happen, but because I couldn’t believe he got to have dreams. A memory floated to the surface in

my mind, from that day on the coast trip. I came downstairs and he was talking to his mom on the phone. It sounded like she was sick because he kept saying he’d go home and take care of her. “Do you believe me? At least believe how sorry I am?” I faced him again. He stood, palms out, pleading with wounded eyes. Maybe he did understand the pain he caused. And I have to believe him about the dreams. I didn’t trust my voice to sound normal so I nodded. He fell back against the car, his gaze

on me, and as odd as it was, we shared a brief look of understanding. I nodded again and started off slowly, feeling dazed. I had to get away so I could breathe. It was like leaving a long movie and emerging into the bright daylight outside of the theater. He was quiet behind me, and I waited until I reached the corner and turned before looking back. Kyle was still leaning against his car. It didn’t seem fair. I couldn’t shake the feeling even though I knew it wasn’t reasonable. So what if Kyle got to

experience something special, something that I thought was just for Marcus and me? It changed his mind. It completely changed him, and for the better. I should be relieved about that, and happy that he apologized, right? It felt bitter in my mouth. I couldn’t accept it yet, not that part. I knew I would, but right now I wasn’t ready. Another thought popped up… Hadn’t Jazz asked about having dreams? I had forgotten about it since then, and even while Marcus and I had dreamed together. It didn’t seem to relate to Jazz

at all, but if Kyle had special dreams maybe Jazz dreamed about something too. Marcus and I had dreamed about snowboarding together, and Kyle and dreamed about how he acted and how it affected me, so what would Jazz dream about? It didn’t make any sense, and I was twisting my brain into a knot. I looked up, still dazed, and realized I was home already. The house was empty and dark inside so I flicked on all the lights as I walked back to my room. Tonight, I didn’t even check the time, didn’t stop to take a shower, I just called

Marcus. “Hey, babe, how’s it going?” His voice held pleasure and excitement. I wanted to fall into it. That voice was so familiar, like my own now. I needed that reassurance. I needed to know we still had a connection. “Good. I think.” I stopped awkwardly, wanting to tell him about Kyle but not wanting to start off our conversation with that. “School’s kinda crazy, but I expected that. I have so much to do.” He didn’t answer right back, and I

bit my lip. Of course, I wasn’t looking at physical therapy and the uncertainty that he was. I wanted to backtrack and asked, “How are you feeling?” He spoke too, saying, “You can do it, Ave. I know how determined you are.” “Thanks… you doing okay?” He made a noise, and this time I couldn’t tell what it meant. Irritated? “I’m okay. Just trying to get up and get moving.” Oh, that was the noise. “So I went for a short run.” I thought I might be able to lead into what just

happened. “You’re running without me?” Amusement. Good, he wasn’t sad about it. “I wasn’t sure where to start on the homework so I worked out instead. I just got back actually.” How to tell him about Kyle? I put it off by mumbling, “I probably need a shower…” Of course, that brought up all kinds of pictures. Wow, my mind went down that road real quick. “Oh, really? I jumped in the shower with you once, and as I recall, you fell

out backwards.” He laughed softly. “But that was nothing compared to what it did to me. God, I wish you were here. I wish we could be together.” I sighed, then teased, “And may I remind you that you told me to come back to school.” “Don’t make me regret it. Cause I’ll have to…” He got lost in his own thoughts for a while. I waited, confused. Then he said, “When I’m up to speed, even halfway up to speed, I’m going to show you all the things I’ve been thinking about.”

I sucked in my breath as heat sprang to life lower in my body. Luckily he remained quiet. I wasn’t sure I could handle it if he started actually sharing those plans… Now it really felt strange to bring up Kyle. After a quiet minute, I finally came up with something else. “So did you and your parents talk about me? About what happened before?” A pause. “Yeah… a little bit.” “I’m wondering how your parents will feel when I come back up there.”

Actually, I wanted to know if they’d tried to do anything to prevent that, or if they would. I didn’t want to paint them as villains to their own son, so I was treading lightly. “Ahh, they’re still weirded out. They just need time, babe. They’ll come around.” Was he holding back? What if we were both sitting on things and not sharing? “Hmm, hmm,” I said instead of words. Would they? And what would happen if they were trying to keep me

away from him?

Chapter Twelve Kristina Was that Avery? I did a double take on my way to my first class, and I still didn’t believe it. But it was her, speed walking across campus with her head down. I wanted so badly to call out and stop her, but the last time we saw each other I slammed the door and walked out without a word.

I’d blamed her for my problems with Kyle, and I know full well she didn’t try to steal him. It’s been Kyle all along. He tried to kiss her on the coast trip, and he hasn’t treated her well outside of that. I just wonder why it took me so long to see the truth. Did Jazz and Dawn know Avery was back? They had to, right? They lived in the same house as her. I reached my class early and joined the others waiting to go into the class. Tears pooled in my eyes and I felt my mouth trembling, so I turned around to

stare at the wall. “Hey Kris,” Dawn said next to me before I noticed her there. “Uh, what’s wrong?” I shook my head and wiped at my eyes. “Hey, listen, Avery came home.” “I know,” I said quietly. “I saw her just a few minutes ago.” Dawn started to say something and cut herself off. She probably just figured out that seeing Avery is what had me upset. I gave in and asked her, “Did she say anything to you?”

“I haven’t actually seen her. Jazz told me she came back. I haven’t been at the house much.” We went inside and sat down in our normal seats. I spent class mindlessly doodling in my notebook, once in a while catching a line of the lecture, and thinking about what to do. A paper slid onto my desk. I glanced at Dawn before reading the words: We should talk to Jazz and Avery. I wrote, I know, I’ll think about it, and slid the paper back. It’d been a while since I passed notes in class.

Dawn was right. I couldn’t keep hiding like this—I needed to go home. I’d been staying with different friends and avoiding reality. I didn’t want anything to do with Kyle anymore, but I wanted to know what happened between him and Avery. Did it start on the coast trip? Had he been in love with her all that time, ever since they broke up? Was he always an asshole and I somehow overlooked it? Was I the asshole? Did I steal him away from Avery and then end our friendship when he tried to kiss her?

I might have told Avery as much, back when we had that party at the house. She asked me point blank, I think, and I told her I stole Kyle. Sometimes I wonder if I made that night up, or at least that part of the night, because we didn’t act any differently after that. We just went on like things were normal. Wow, I really have been a shitty friend. I held my phone under the desk and texted Avery. When I hit send, I felt like something big would happen. Even held my breath. Nothing did, of course, and I sat staring at the screen.

Everyone got up at once, startling me. I shoved my phone and notebook into my bag and started after Dawn. “Talk later?” she asked, hurt in her eyes. But why hurt? Had I been ignoring her too? She’s always been bad about hiding emotions. Some people think she’s shallow, but in my opinion it doesn’t hurt to have one completely honest person in your life. “Yeah… and Dawn, I’ll talk to them,” I said. That brought a weak smile so I added, “We’ll fix this, okay?”

She had another class, so we split up in the hallway, and I headed across to the cafeteria. I’d gotten good at avoiding people over the last few weeks, which involved keeping an eye out for any of my friends. Or, old friends. This time, when I was actually looking for them and wanting to talk, I didn’t see Jazz or Avery. I still hadn’t talked to Jazz about my room at the house or what we were going to do. Avery might have officially kicked me out by now for all I knew. But it seems like Jazz would have told me,

probably in some kind of official memo. Jazz had been the planner in our group. She’s always managed the house and rent, and I knew she had to be stressed out about it. I had no idea what to say so I finally texted her and asked, Ave is back? Yeah, I knew that already but I just didn’t know how to start all this. Her answer came a minute later: We should talk. Another text: Yeah, she’s back and going to class. That snowboarder guy is awake and remembers her.

I sent a set of question marks in response. She came back with, yeah, like I said we need to talk. What was going on? What snowboarder guy? I had to face Jazz anyway, so I asked her to meet me at the cafeteria. While I waited, I went through the line and got us both a sandwich and juice, then sat at a table. She slipped silently into the seat beside me five minutes later. I slid the tray her way but she wrinkled her nose. “You know I won’t eat that crap.”

Oh yeah, white bread. Juice with sugar. I sighed and bit into my sandwich, mostly to avoid talking. “Where are you staying?” she asked right away. Jazz is always direct, but she’s very caring. She looked troubled now, the soft skin under her eyes dark from lack of sleep. Her long straight hair was pulled up into a knot, which is her get-down-to-business style. “With Dawn’s friend Caitlyn.” “Caitlyn Jenkins? Oh my god. You’re that desperate to stay out of the house?” I rolled my eyes. “Caitlyn isn’t that

bad, if you don’t mind her constant complaining or snoring or how she leaves peach pits all over the house.” I had to stop a laugh. Caitlyn was bad. She’s annoying as hell, but slightly better than being homeless. “So you want to stay there?” She touched my hand, the hope in her eyes and her touch asking more than her words. “Would Avery let me come back?” Jazz looked ready to answer but didn’t. It was the tiniest pause, but with big implications.

“I think so,” she finally said, her gaze on the table. “I don’t think she’s even mad.” I sank back in my chair. “We’ll talk it out,” Jazz said sincerely. I washed the sandwich down with the apple juice and waved the empty bottle at her. “So who’s the snowboarder guy you mentioned? Avery met someone else?” She threw back her head in exasperation. “How have you missed so much?”

I expected her jump into a detailed Jazz-style explanation but she just looked out toward the giant windows and people walking by. Jazz didn’t even go on our trip when everything went down, so it’s a little funny that I’m pumping her for information. I waited a minute before saying her name. “And what happened with Nash?” I asked. “Did he dump her after Kyle kissed her?” I’m surprised those words didn’t stick in my throat. Jazz studied me, trying to tell if I was as calm as I sounded.

“Her and Nash are over,” she said firmly. Too firmly. Was there a hint of something strange in her voice or expression? “She ran up to Portland to see Marcus Fields, who just woke up from a coma.” Now how did that make any sense? I shook my head at her, waiting for more. She had that distant look again. “Why was Avery dating Nash if she had this other guy? Why was he in a coma?” I couldn’t help thinking that if she’d been off with that Marcus, nothing would have happened with Kyle on our

coast trip. But that’s not what I wanted— I’m glad I finally saw the truth about him. It hurt like hell but at least I knew what kind of person Kyle was. Jazz didn’t answer. I followed her gaze and looked behind me. Nash was walking down the court, passing us, with his head down to see his phone. He’s actually kinda hot. I don’t understand why Avery didn’t stick with him. Plus she wanted him for so long! They seemed perfect for each other, both of them so quiet and serious. That description fit Jazz too. I turned

around to tell her what I was thinking only to find her ducked down, hiding behind the table. “Jazz? What the heck are you doing?” “Just looking in my bag.” She straightened and stood up. “I’m sorry but I have to take off. I’m late for class.” She left so quickly I didn’t have time to even say goodbye. I watched Jazz weave through the tables and scurry out of the building, going in the opposite direction of Nash. What in hell’s bells…?

We didn’t discuss any of the things I thought we would, like the house or rent or what happened with Avery. Or, if Jazz was okay. That was completely out of character for her. Apparently I’ve missed a lot.

Chapter Thirteen Avery I dropped my pen and rubbed my face. My vision was going blurry and cross-eyed from staring at homework for so long. I came back to class on a Tuesday, and the rest of the week was filled with class, talking to teachers, homework, make up work, trying to catch up with my friends a little, and

talking to Marcus at night. We texted throughout the day, but he had therapy and still needed to rest a lot, plus I had a boatload of work here. I didn’t mention Kyle’s apology to Marcus yet. It seemed better to tell him in person. And it was finally Friday. I could finally go see him. I started throwing a few things into my bag when I heard the front door close. Jazz and I hadn’t seen each other for a few days now, so I leaned out my bedroom door, hoping it was her. “Jazz?”

“Yeah. Hang on.” She went in her room to drop off her bag and came into mine. “Glad I caught you before leaving for the weekend.” “Yeah, me too. I talked to Kris,” she started, falling into my computer chair and curling up into it. I waited for more but she stared at the pictures on my wall, looking rather spaced out for her. “Was it bad?” I stopped packing and sat on the bed. “Bad? No. The opposite. She wants to talk this out, and maybe come home.”

Jazz talked in a flat tone and it took a minute for her words to sink in. Why wasn’t she more excited? “Really?” I asked. “That’s great. Isn’t it? You seem…” Her gaze shifted to the bag next to me. “You’re heading up to Portland?” “Yeah, for the weekend…if you’re okay.” She straightened, giving me a funny look with her dark eyes—and it gave me the distinct feeling something was up with her. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” I shrugged. “You seem preoccupied.

You know you can talk to me, right? I’ve spilled everything to you.” For a split second, she zeroed in on me like she would open up, but the look passed. “I just have a lot going on, sorry.” She shrugged. “I guess we can talk to Kristina when you get back. Maybe Monday after school?” That was skirting whatever it was, but it was apparent I wouldn’t get it out of her right now. “Yeah, sounds good.” We needed to talk to Kris. It might be awkward and

hard, but I didn’t want to lose my friend. Jazz stood and stretched before stepping over to hug me. “Have fun with Marcus.” “You too, have a fun weekend. We’ll talk when I get back?” I tacked that on, hoping she was okay. She nodded as she left. So what could be going on with her? I hadn’t been that great of a friend lately with all of my drama going on. Then I remembered… I had planned on telling her about the dreams. I walked out of my room to talk to her again when I heard

the front door shut. She’d left. Well, I guess I would talk to her either Sunday night or Monday when we talked to Kristina. I needed to tell her about Kyle stopping me too. It was really strange that I hadn’t told her yet, but we hadn’t been home at the same time, and I felt like I should tell Marcus first. It was starting to feel like a funny web I’d gotten stuck in. And I really wanted to go see Marcus, so I really just needed to catch up with Jazz when I got back. I headed out to the car, trying to keep

moving and not let my nerves get the better of me. Wasn’t that weird? I was nervous about seeing Marcus again, which didn’t make sense after how close we’d gotten before. Before. That was the key word there. Were we still as close? Or had Tom been convincing Marcus that I wasn’t good for him? I jumped in, started the ignited and started off. Halfway down the street, I pulled in a deep breath, glad to have a drive ahead of me even if I wanted to see him right now.

Why did fate have to bring us together and then have us be five hours apart? Why couldn’t his body have been in a Medford hospital? The thought made me laugh. This was so crazy. The sky faded to light blue and then darkened as I headed north up 1-5, wrestling with my doubts. Clouds were coming in, making a pretty pink and yellow sunset, but soon after it started to rain. I tried not to take that as a bad sign. Sometimes I can be a bit on the superstitious side. About halfway through the trip, I

pulled into the rest stop by Cottage Grove to find five texts from Marcus. Why aren’t you here yet? ;) Okay, don’t slap me for that one when you arrive. Seriously, you need to come entertain me. Sneak in some real food. Forget the food. Bring that hot bod of yours. I want to dream with you again baby. I laughed and then sighed before texting back: Halfway there! Too bad we can’t teleport, right? Doesn’t seem so

odd considering… I can’t wait to see you. It was dark by the time I drove through Portland and to the hospital. It took ten minutes to find a parking space in the garage, and after I turned the car off, I still sat there for a few minutes. I wanted to see Marcus so bad, and yet I was getting jittery and shaky. I grabbed my bag and turned on the doom light to brush my hair and refresh my lipstick and powder. At least this time I could look put together when I saw his family.

Finally, I forced myself out of the car. Once I made it inside the hospital, it hit me that walking through the halls made me nervous. I’d come here trying to save Marcus before, and then walked these halls while wondering what his parents were planning to do, and now I’m back wondering how things were between us. I almost thought I’d hear Marcus talking to me, calming me down. It’ll be okay, Tiger Lily. That’s what he’d say. I watched the numbers on the doors even though I knew the way. When I

reached his room, I didn’t hear voices so I slowly walked in. Marcus was standing up! Jen had him on one side and a nurse stood on the other to help him. I froze, hope swelling in my chest. He’d been so frustrated before; I knew even if he didn’t let on or tell me about it. He grinned, his handsome face glowing. The bruises were hardly visible at all now. He wore a normal gray T-shirt with sweats, and his hair was styled and looked kinda messy, kinda sexy.

“Hey, babe. Check this out.” “I see!” “Do you want to sit down?” Jen asked. “No.” He motioned for me to come over, then told the nurse, “I’m good. I want to stand on my own.” “You sure?” She leaned her head over to look around Marcus at Jen. They were both mothering him. “Yeah, I got this,” he insisted. “No worries.” The nurse stepped back but waited to make sure he was stable before giving

him more space. “Jen?” Marcus asked. He didn’t have to finish the question. She took a step back, and then Marcus reached for me. I stepped close and wrapped my arms around his neck, careful not to learn on him. Actually, he leaned on me, burying his face in my neck and pulling me tight against him with his arms around me. The nurse talked to Jen before leaving, but I closed my eyes and ignored them. This was the first time we’d embraced like this, both of us standing, our bodies touching all the way

down. His heart beat against me, and I bet he could feel mine. My breathing came fast and irregular. I’d missed him so much. Now that I held him, my entire body came alive, an electric buzz running down to my feet. For the first time all week, I didn’t miss our old connection when I could tell what he was thinking and feeling. “You’ve been working hard this week,” I whispered. “Getting there.” He lifted his face to kiss my neck, sending a shiver down me. We still had to get used to being able to

touch each other. It gave me a huge adrenaline rush, like the first time we hit a jump together in my mind. “I wanted to surprise you with my standing up and all.” He grinned against my face. “Funny that it’s so impressive, right?” “Not funny, Marcus, really good.” I pressed my cheek against him and felt the stubble on his jaw. “You feel so good, babe.” I opened my eyes at his words, trying to see if Jen was right there. “She left,” he said with a chuckle.

“But she looked a little worried.” “Do you need to sit down?” “No, I need to hold you.” His good arm held me tightly. It sent energy through me like a live wire, and urgent need stirred and sparked. Luckily he couldn’t read my thoughts, but the way I pressed into him might have clued him in. I closed my eyes again, roaming his back with my hands. He made a happy murmur against my neck as my hands slid over his muscles. “Are you sore?”

“Yeah,” he said, but with a light laugh. “From the accident still and from laying in that bed for so long. And probably the therapy. I don’t mind being sore, but your hands feel really nice.” I kept touching him but soon noticed he was trembling. I didn’t want to embarrass him, so I eased back and helped him to the bed without saying anything. While he settled in, I checked out the pictures on the wall. He had a poster of photos and all his drawings up. I’d seen a ton of shots online of him in action, but the photos felt more personal.

He was snowboarding or hanging out with snowboarding friends in all of them. “I’m getting back to that,” he said. I leaned against a counter. After driving all the way up here, I really didn’t feel like sitting down. I’d gotten restless in the car, and it made me think of Marcus wanting to get up and be active. “I know you will,” I said with a smile. He turned his head to gaze at me, and after a minute I felt like he was studying

me through artist’s eyes, like he needed to see every detail to draw them. Of course, he had drawn me quite a bit already. I finally had to laugh and say, “You should know what I look like by now.” “But I need to count every freckle.” I hid my face for a second. “Ave, I love your freckles! And your little nose, and your eyes, and especially that dreamy look you get when you’re looking back at me.” I peeked at him through my fingers. “And you know it, too,” he added

with a glint in his eyes. “You got to hear all my lewd thoughts about you.” That was certainly true…and fun. I had to admit I liked knowing this funny, attractive man wanted me so badly. “So… Are they going to let you have some down time this weekend?” I asked, and the implied question was, would we get any time together? Maybe alone? Marcus gave me a wicked grin in response and stretched his hand out so I’d come over. “I’ll make them. Jen stayed here today to give my parents some time off. They’re all going to let

me have tomorrow to spend with just you.” “Just me. I like the sound of that.” My heart took flight for all of two seconds before crashing down again. All the doubts I’d been stuffing away burst out into the light, almost suffocating me. I let my gaze drop down to our entwined fingers and asked, “How is this going to work?” Wow, how did all that come out so suddenly? He was quiet for so long that I had to look up, worried that I’d see doubt in his

face. Maybe I shouldn’t have shared that. What if my doubt made him doubt all of this? “Do you mean, how will we work?” he asked. It was out there, and I couldn’t take it back. I knew the best course was to be honest and tell him everything. “I have college in Ashland, and you’re up here, and you’ll go somewhere for therapy—what if you go back to Colorado with your family for that? Then you’re going back to snowboarding. You’ll go somewhere else to train. When you’re up to speed

soon, you’ll be traveling even more.” My fears and doubts were like a tsunami. They’d been lurking underneath the surface, building strength until everything spilled over. Sharing gave me a tiny measure of relief, but now I feared what he’d say. Suddenly I knew I shared so he’d reassure me, but what if he couldn’t? “Ave…” I didn’t let him finish. “And you don’t need me anymore,” I said, feeling like it was too much, making me too vulnerable, but he had

seen and known everything about me before. It felt wrong to have anything between us now. “I wish you could still feel my heart, babe. Then you’d know how much I love and need and want you.” At his words, tears instantly pooled in my eyes. “Ave?” he tugged my hand and I leaned over onto his chest. “You’re worried we can’t make it?” “You’re famous. You’re a gold medalist for Christ’s sake. I’m just some girl still figuring things out. I don’t have

any family around. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life yet. And you have it figured out, and you have a future—” “Ave! Babe, stop it.” He pulled my face up by my chin. I felt my tears running down to my chin and joining together. I wanted to wipe at my nose but he held me frozen with his piercing eyes. “Avery, we’ll make it no matter what. Okay? You don’t have to have your life figured out.” He smiled and shook his head. “I fell in love with you just the way you are.” I closed my eyes, just taking in his

words. “Why are you doubting anyway?” I tried to shake my head but his hands were holding me. “I don’t know. I guess because we’ve been apart and life seems really hard right now. And I don’t know what you’re thinking anymore, like you said.” Suddenly I laughed. “I wanted you out of my head so badly at first, and here I am crying about losing you!” He laughed too and kissed my mouth. I pulled back. “I’m a mess. Wow, look at me.” “I am, babe.”

That stopped me for a second. He did see all of my. And he liked it. I got up and went to the bathroom to splash water on my face. Marcus didn’t need me crying all over him. He had a hard road too, and his dreams were on the line. What if he couldn’t make a full recovery and go back to snowboarding? I would always love him no matter what, but I knew that’d be hard on him. So I pulled myself together and even smiled at myself in the mirror. When I came out, Jen was stepping into the room with a fast food bag in her

hand. “I snuck this in!” She grinned, making her look a lot like a blue-eyed Marcus. “You’re my hero!” He held out a hand and she tossed him a hamburger. “Here.” She tossed one to me too. My stomach growled. I normally didn’t eat this crap but it smelled like it’d come straight from heaven. We dug in, laughing like evil conspirators. “Avery, are you okay?” Jen asked with an intense look at me. Had I missed some stray mascara?

I gave her a brave smile. “Yeah, I’m fine now. I just have moments.” “Yeah, I know that feeling.” She laughed, a bit sadly. “It hasn’t been easy. We’re on the downhill side now, by a long shot. This is so much better.” I had to agree with that. “Easy for you to say.” Marcus wadded up his wrapper and made a basket into the trash can. He paused, his hand up in the air, with a curious look on his face, and it hit me that he hadn’t expected to make it. He was getting

more motor control back. His sister watched it too. He caught sight of Jen’s expression and shrugged. “I know, sorry. I shouldn’t complain. I just want up and out of this bed more.” Marcus and Jen both looked up at something behind me—I was sitting facing the bed so I had to turn around to see that his parents had come into the room. “We wanted to say goodnight,” Elaina said with a smile for Marcus as she went to the bed to embrace him. As far as I knew, they hadn’t hung out

in the hospital all evening, so that meant they drove back here to talk to him instead of calling. Maybe they needed to see him before spending an entire day away from him, but it still made me feel like they didn’t trust me. I stepped into the hallway while they said goodbye, and ended up pacing down the hall and back. When I turned around and paced back toward his room, both his parents walked out and spotted me. I hoped Jen would be right behind them. She worked as a pretty good buffer sometimes. But

she wasn’t there this time. I slowed down but I couldn’t just turn around and run off. They watched my approach, and I felt like the principal was standing in the open door of the office, waiting for me. “Hi Avery,” Elaina greeted, her arms wrapped around her waist the same way Jen does. I tried to return a real smile for her nervous one. “Ready for this weekend?” she asked. A loaded question for sure. She tended to put things delicately as far as I could tell, and that was her subtle way

of asking, can you handle taking care of Marcus all weekend? “Yes, very,” I said, proud of myself for responding in a sure, firm tone. “So I’m curious,” Tom said, his eyes boring into me from behind those glasses. I felt myself falter. “I don’t understand how you met Marcus or got so involved in his life. You live in Ashland, right? How’d you end up there?” He sure didn’t have the same social smoothness Marcus did. Elaina rested a hand on his arm.

“Tom, that’s a lot of questions, let her talk.” “Ashland, yes,” I said deer-in-theheadlights blank. “Did you live in foster care after your parents died?” “Tom!” “Would that make me a certain kind of person?” I asked without even thinking about it first. “Like less of a person somehow?” His head pulled back—my words actually, literally, knocked him back. Elaina tried to say something, and

even mouthed several words. Jen startled us from the door. “Good for you, Ave!” She had her arms crossed as she looked between her parents. “About time you stood up to them. And that’s exactly the kind of woman Marcus needs too.” A funny chain of expressions crossed Elaina’s face: shock, reflection and then a-ha. Maybe I just won a few points with her. Tom stuttered and looked down, and I had to bit into my lip to keep the smug smile off my face. A

silence stretched out. “We’ll be fine,” I finally said. “Marcus is doing great, and we’re right here in a hospital.” For Christ’s sake, he say. We’re surrounded by doctors. Elaina nodded and took Tom’s arm again, physically pulling him in the other direction. “I’m sure you will be. We might see you tomorrow?” She didn’t wait for an answer. Tom nodded and straightened his back as he turned and walked down the hallway, Elaina walking sideways

beside him and muttering at him. Jen walked behind them, and she turned around backwards and made a funny face at me. We both silently laughed and waved. Then I raced back into the room. “Alone at last.” I rubbed my hands together and tried for an evil grin while adding, “What should we do?” “Let me think…” Marcus tilted his head, one eye closed and a hand to his chin in a classic thoughtful look. “Get over here.” I giggled and hopped up on his bed.

He sat up halfway and wrapped an arm around my waist so he could pull me against him. Our lips met. I wanted to straddle him but I was still being careful, so I just cradled his head while kissing him. His hand slid down my lower back and over my butt, squeezing. “Mmm,” he moaned against me. “I love touching you.” I edged closer, aching inside for him. My hands suddenly had minds of their own and ran over him, exploring, touching, trying to tease so he’d want me

more too. His hands followed suit, and we were inside each other’s clothes. I could hardly handle his touch on my bare skin and gripped a handful of his shirt as I pressed my face into his neck, gasping. My body moved against him, overriding any thoughts. I didn’t want to think anyway. Then he took me by the shoulders. “I can’t,” he said against my mouth. I heard the words but they didn’t make sense. Yet at the same time they did. I was just too shocked to move. I slowly leaned back, trying to read his eyes.

“I’m sorry, it’s just… like this…” He waved a hand down his body. Did he feel self-conscious? Or worried he couldn’t perform? I didn’t care about any of that. “That’s okay. Don’t worry about it,” I said, trying to control my breathing so he wouldn’t hear just how badly I wanted him. I lay down with him. “You’ve only had, what a week to recover? We can give it time.” It wouldn’t kill me to wait…right?

Chapter Fourteen

Marcus

I woke up looking down at Avery, her hair flared out around on her on the snow. Her nose was pink from the cold

and her eyes sparkling under the cloudy sky. I smoothed her hair back from her forehead and laid a kiss there. “Hey, Tiger Lily. What are you doing out here?” She laughed and shook her head back and forth. “I guess I’d be making a snow angel except…” you’re on me. That little thought zinged through me, instantly turning me on. I suddenly felt her body against mine and her legs wrapped around my hips. Her normally light blue eyes appeared smoky right now, maybe because mist surrounded us.

Her light golden-orange freckles stood out, spots of color in her pale face. You are so uniquely beautiful. The corners of her mouth curved up for a second before she bit her bottom lip. I cradled her head in my hands and leaned down to kiss her. She slid her fingers into my hair and pulled me closer, kissing like she meant business, her tongue teasing mine. I closed my eyes and felt the world shift, like swaying, pulsating like we were… oh, wow… Avery…

My body tightened and everything exploded, the world going soft and silent, like when you’re out alone in deep pow. Then I only heard her breathing….us breathing together. I followed the noise, sailing away. *** I thought I’d drifted off again but I floated into some other dream. Avery’s dream? I looked with her as she turned her

head. Her heartbeat went crazy when we both spotted Kyle driving his car beside us. What the fuck? I jumped down from the curb and raced toward it. “Marcus!” she called after me. When I looked back at her, the area around us faded away and the engine noise died, almost like she was pulling it all back. “Are you trying to stop me?” I asked. “What’s going on with that?” She stepped closer and took my

hand. “I went running one evening, and he stopped to talk to me.” My temperature rocketed up. I had to let go of her hand and pace. “What happened? You’re okay, right? You would have told me if something happened?” If he scared her or threatened her… “Nothing did—well, he apologized for being such an ass. So something kinda big, but not…” I stopped and stared at her, hands on hips. My breathing was getting out of hand so I closed my eyes and calmed

myself down. What did she even say? I had to repeat her words in my head and get myself to understand what she was telling me. “He was sorry?” “He’s been having dreams too.” Her expression clouded over with those words, her gaze dropping. I went back to her and wrapped my arms around her small shoulders. It always felt so good to pull her close, no matter how many times I feel her in my embrace, and no matter how many times I feel her body pressed to mine. I inhaled the scent of

her shampoo and ran my hands over her. The rest of the story fell into my head, the way things do when we’re connected like this. I watched the scene happen and went through her line of thoughts with her. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She stayed quiet. “Ave?” “I don’t know… We were busy and I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. So I waited, and the right time just didn’t come up.” I could understand that. I sighed and

pulled her in even tighter. “I got you, okay?” She nodded against me. “You know… Does this feel even more real than usual?” she asked, her face against me. “It’s like you’re actually talking this time instead of your thoughts in my head.” “Yeah, you’re right. I wonder what that means.” “Jazz… She’s been dreaming too, I think. This thing just keeps growing.” Her words sank in and we both thought about it. We held each other so

tightly it started to feel like we were one person, one being again and not two bodies, like before. Endorphins rushed through my brain and body and I felt myself spinning upward. Sweet Avery… *** The tall, bone-skinny doctor scribbled on the clipboard while the nurse finished with me. They had a small laptop too that they both typed into for my case, but this doctor liked to write

stuff too. He was the older, not so fun doc that I thankfully saw less. Kathy, the small redheaded nurse, was usually cheerful and talkative but she kept quiet around this doctor. In contrast, I liked that smiley young guy, Dr. Michaels, and my main physical therapist, Jared. I’d probably end up seeing both of them sometime today too. My mind was busy today, thinking about that thing with Kyle. It bothered Ave that he tapped into this thing and had dreams, but she didn’t want to feel that way. I didn’t like him sharing in this

either. I mean, he wasn’t sharing anything with us, but it was odd that he had dreams like that and it changed him so much. It bothered me that I didn’t know about it for a while too. Ave and I don’t have to share every little secret. That probably wouldn’t even be healthy. I just had that expectation because we couldn’t hide anything before. Well, not very easily. She had buried things about her parents when I was in her head, but I didn’t hold it against her for hiding something so personal and painful.

The situation with Kyle wasn’t the only thing bothering me. I was thinking about it to avoid something else, actually. I needed to keep my mind off of last night, when I didn’t want to go any farther with Avery. Whenever it popped up, my face would flush all hot. Was I embarrassed? That didn’t seem quite right. I don’t get embarrassed easily. Or ever, really. Ashamed? Was that it? I couldn’t tell. I just knew I didn’t want Avery upset about it, or thinking I couldn’t deliver, or getting bored with me. But I also didn’t want to try being

with her and things not working. God damn. I glanced over, suddenly aware I was reflecting on some pretty personal things while they were in the room. The doctor wasn’t looking at me or talking to me much. I couldn’t even remember his name—something like Eenoway. For fun I pictured telling him about the dreams Avery and I have been sharing. That wouldn’t help anything. I know better than to think we’d find a scientific explanation. Even I would think I was crazy if Avery hadn’t been

experiencing all of it with me. Speaking of my Tiger Lily… Avery walked quietly into the room and immediately hid a fast food bag behind her back. I grinned and she held a finger over her mouth. She waited patiently until they left. “What’d’cha get me?” I held out a hand and wiggled my fingers at it. This was turning into a tradition. And it was okay for now, right? I deserved a little something to keep me going, yo. “All kinds of unhealthy crap.” She pulled out a big ol’ hamburger and a

large fry. “Nice and greasy and salty.” We both plucked one up. The hot potato goodness melted in my mouth. “Oh, my god, thank you, babe.” I had to talk around my food because I couldn’t stop popping them in. “I can’t believe I’m eating this stuff, but damn, it’s good.” I stuffed in more fries. “Noice!” She laughed too and handed me a big cup. “Chocolate milkshake.” I watched her dip a fry in and tried it too. Yum, salty fry goodness and cold, rich chocolate. “Now that is a new kind of heaven.”

I flipped on the TV and found a soccer game. It wasn’t totally my thing but it was nice to munch and watch something—and not talk about all that heavy stuff from last night. Maybe we had talked about it enough in that dream, at least for now. We ate and then lay in the bed together to watch the game and talk, lightly running our fingers over each other’s skin. I was glad Avery couldn’t see my face and the big cheesy grin I wore. Funny that I’d find something so

domestic like this so nice. It got me thinking about us and all we’d been through. Avery had been through a lot before meeting me too, and she hadn’t really told me about it. “Can I ask you something personal?” I said softly, in case she was asleep. “Of course.” She twisted her head to look up at me, her eyes open and trusting. “About your parents.” The openness closed down. I had expected that. “Listen, I know it’s a painful topic.

I’m just wondering, is that something you’re always going to keep locked away? I feel like it’s hurting you.” She nestled her face into me more, like she was trying to hide. “Yeah, well, losing your parents hurts. I don’t think that hurt ever goes away.” Silence took over. I wanted to say so many things but the longer I waited, the more they built up and the more sticky my throat felt. “Ave.” I finally got just her name out. “I just want to be there for you.” She whispered, “I know.” It was so

soft it was like a little sigh. It didn’t look like she was going to open up now either, so I decided to let it drop. “I just never knew how to handle it,” she said unexpectedly. “And life had to go on. I had to move and fit in and figure out life, and I just stuffed it away. I never figured out how to pull it back out. I mean, what am I going to do? They’re gone.” I tried to picture losing my mom or dad. Even when I’m angry with them, I can’t imagine not having them around. And I’m not really that angry about this

current situation, at least when I put it in perspective like this. “But you’re not,” I finally said. “You’re here, and you deserve to be happy.” She rolled so she could look up at my face. “I am happy.” Ave didn’t say those words like a known fact but a new realization. “Come here,” I said, even though her face was only half a foot from mine. She slid up the bed, meeting me for a kiss. A minute later I told her, “Next weekend is going to be special.”

She raised an eyebrow. “And you’ll have to wait to find out how.” I liked the playful smile that spread across her lips. God, she was hot. My spirits lifted as I thought about what I could do by then—hopefully do by then. I brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead, plans coming together in my mind.

Chapter Fifteen Jasmine “Hey, Jasmine,” a voice said behind me. I looked back and waved at a Justin from my calculus class, then tried to add a friendly smile. I didn’t feel like talking. I was on a mission to find coffee. Before he could start my way, I turned around and kept going, joining the flow of students.

I covered a yawn as I walked. It was bad enough that it was Monday morning, but I was extra tired from waking up during the night. Avery didn’t come home before I went to bed at eleven, so every noise woke me up until she got back around one thirty. That wasn’t the only thing keeping me up. Nash and I exchanged a few texts over the weekend. First he checked in to see if I needed any notes or anything, which seemed pretty transparent. He could have simply asked Avery if she needed more help. Then he asked if I

was feeling better. And after that he said I could talk to him if I needed a friend. But did he really mean friend only? This had turned into a weird week, but “weird” was becoming a relative term. Adding to the weirdness, that strange feeling came over me again. Knowing I’d see him somewhere close by, I glanced ahead and spotted Nash. I wanted to turn around and avoid him but he was staring at me. Was I ready to talk to him in person again? As he came closer, I felt everything

tilt. My vision faded. “Jasmine.” I thought about responding but instead I reached out a hand to steady myself. “Woah!” He wrapped both arms around me right as my knees buckled. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.” And he did. I clung to him, not caring about anything else. Nash helped me over to a low stone wall and sank down with me so we were side by side, his arms around me still like we were together. One hand rubbed

a circle on my back while the other rested on my waist. It’d been a while since I’d felt a gentle caress like that. At the same time, his touch was firm, reassuring. I let my head rest against his arm. He smelled fantastic. He was warm and strong, offering me support that felt way too nice. Slowly, the dizziness lifted and I noticed how many passing people were staring. I straightened quickly. “Wow, I’m sorry.” I blinked hard. “What is going on with you? Have you been to the clinic? You could be

anemic or diabetic.” He stopped so quickly I looked up at him. The green in his eyes stood out in this lighting. I’d really have to paint them. Or tattoo them —oh, my god, that would make an awesome tattoo. “Jazz? Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” “No, it’s fine.” I dropped my face and let my hair fall between us. It wasn’t fine, and I might have turned a pretty shade of rose. He brushed my hair back and tucked it behind my ear in a strangely intimate

touch. It almost seemed like I felt his touch on my neck but I couldn’t have. I finally peeked at him. With his face so close, I studied his eyes more and saw little flecks of brown and darker green. “Jazz, how are you fine? You were too dizzy to stand up last time I saw you, and this time you actually fell over.” “No, I did not fall over.” I tried to glare at him but those greenish eyes looked so concerned. He scoffed playfully, a small smile teasing the corners of his mouth. God damn that was a nice mouth too. Raising

an eyebrow, he said in a low voice, “You didn’t fall over because I caught you.” “I just need some caffeine,” I said. “I was up waiting for Avery to get home…” Dang it, why did I mention her? His eyes and entire expression darkened. Was he still torn up over Avery? I understood that after my experience with Corbin, and I couldn’t tell you why I fell in love like I did then. I could see why someone would feel that for Avery. He didn’t answer right away

so I jumped right back into talking. “Sorry, I know things have been tough.” “Do you really think caffeine is going to fix what’s going on?” Nash asked, and I realized he hadn’t heard me. He was just thinking about me. “No… I, uh—It only happens when I see you.” I almost clamped my hand over my mouth. Did I say that out loud? I bit my lip to keep any other random comments from bursting out. Nash stared into my eyes, but he didn’t act surprised. His face hardly changed until his gaze

dropped down to my mouth. Oh, my fucking god, that look totally turned me on. My lungs pulled in air, suddenly, sharply, and I had to straighten because I felt a horrible urge to bump into him or wiggle closer or something crazy. “Want to go get coffee together?” he asked out of the blue, but maybe it wasn’t. I’m starting to follow how his mind works, and how he makes jumps in conversation and expects me to follow. I nodded and we got up together. The dizziness was completely gone as we

started off walking side by side. “Does it feel strange to have her back?” he asked, and I’m not sure I wanted to talk about Avery. We needed to, though. “At first I was worried she’d be mad at me still.” Nash looked over suddenly, surprised, and I remember that he didn’t know about Avery going to the Portland hospital or how I called to warn them. We arrived at the student center and went inside to the coffee shop. One person was ordering and another

waiting, but I didn’t try to explain while we stood in line. Nash watched me for a minute before reading the menu. When our turn came, he extended his hand for me to go first. “Just a house coffee,” I told the young barista. She looked Swedish to me due to her straw blond hair and round face, but that’s probably a stereotype from cartoons I saw as a kid. “Make that two.” “That’s just two dollars,” she said with a perky smile. Nash handed her a five and shook his head at my protest.

She poured our coffees and set them on the counter by the creamers. Both Nash and I poured in half and half but no sugar. When we sat down by the windows, I held my cup close and breathed in the reviving aroma. It was so nice, I closed my eyes for a few seconds. “So what happened? Why was Avery mad at you? I can’t imagine anyone getting mad at you.” I opened my eyes and found Nash completely focused on me with those multicolored forest eyes. He’s so

mysterious and sexy. His dark hair is so thick and shiny. I bet it’d feel silky. “That whole thing was actually real, in some sense,” I said, making a leap. His gaze stayed on me, but his focused turned inward. A minute later he nodded. “The whole thing between Avery and that snowboarder? And it was real in some sense, but not real like what you and I think is real?” I liked this guy. I liked how he thought and analyzed. And it seemed he knew some of the backstory. “They really did have some strange

connection. She was hearing him before they met. I thought she lost it, like completely lost her marbles. She drove up to Portland and I called the hospital to warn them. I betrayed her.” He sipped his coffee and leaned back to lean against the wall. I relaxed a bit too, and didn’t look away as he studied me. “She was angry?” “She might have been without telling me. We didn’t talk for a while. When we did… he had woken up and remembered her.”

I could see him working through things, but somewhere along the line his eyes began roaming around my face, pausing on my mouth. His hand touched mine then, surprising me because I was watching his face so intently. The touch sizzled up my arm and through me. She’s telling the truth. “What?” As I spoke the word, I realized Nash hadn’t said anything. Had that been a thought? I’ve heard of people sometimes hearing other’s thoughts, but I didn’t buy into it. Not until now. But it had been so clear and real.

Did he know I heard him? “So how did it work? And when? Was she stringing me along?” I shook my head, swallowing hard because I didn’t want to tell him the truth here. “She really liked you, and then you finally liked her back, and then she hit her head on the snowboarding trip— remember that?” “Yeah. So that’s when it happened? That’s the connection between them?” “Wow, I actually didn’t connect that. I wonder if all of this is because we

talked her into snowboarding that day! Crazy. She started hearing him in the hospital, I think she said. She thought she’d gone crazy. I mean, who wouldn’t? So she didn’t tell us anything strange was going on. But he was constantly talking to her, driving her nuts.” I couldn’t even imagine having a connection like that or how I’d deal with it. Someone talking in your head? This was the moment it hit me. Oh. My. God. It hit me so hard I couldn’t breathe. Nash and I… “Jasmine?”

What did I just do? “Nothing,” I said, shaking my head both to clear it and to put him at ease. Oh, fuck, I just answered his thought. Our eyes met because we both knew it. “Nothing?” he asked, puzzled, but he wasn’t completed puzzled. More like… more like he was feeling what I was feeling and wondering too. “Maybe we should get to class.” I stood up and pulled on my bag strap, but I had to adjust it three times to get it to stay on my shoulder. My hand shook and he saw it too. I felt like a floppy rag

doll. “Jazz?” He reached for my wrist. What else could I say? This didn’t make any sense. His hand felt so warm wrapped around gently my wrist, and I just couldn’t make myself move while he held onto me. His gaze was on my arm too, and I realized my sleeve had come up. Nash was studying my latest henna design on my inner arm. Finally he met my gaze and, a minute later, released my arm. “I have to go.” I took several steps before looking back.

Nash was staring at me, completely openly staring at me without any kind of apology in his look. When I reached the corner and checked again, he was still staring after me. This gaze kept me there for a minute, until someone walked between us, and I all but took off running to get away.

Chapter Sixteen Nash I watched Jasmine walk away and then sat at that table for my entire next period. I can’t even tell you what class I missed. I only knew the universe just shifted. Something happened that I couldn’t explain, and everything felt different. For starters, and this wasn’t the big

thing, but I had the sense that Avery hadn’t meant to hurt me, and that Marcus really had come into her life after we started dating, just like she said. The first few minutes that knowledge popped into my head, it was a huge deal. It changed my perspective and attitude and all the hard emotions I’ve been feeling toward Avery. Then that information faded in importance as something happened with Jasmine. Strangely, I felt like I knew her…and didn’t. I knew something personal, or hidden, or secret, but I didn’t know what

it was. At the same time, I felt like I knew nothing about her and I wanted to know everything. How did I miss this all this time? Because I was focused on Avery? I thought back through the school year and tried to bring Jasmine into focus. Sure, she’d been there, but in the background. So why did everything change so drastically today, with one look? It wasn’t just a weird emotional thing and it wasn’t just me. Jazz felt it too, and it shook her up so bad she had to run away.

And somehow I had missed how shockingly beautiful she was until today —the gaze I couldn’t tear away from, the softness to her voice, the seriousness in her words. She had the longest, darkest hair that glistened in the sun. I wasn’t one to write romantic things, but she could inspire me. This was unlike anything I’d ever felt before, even way beyond what I ever felt for Avery, and that was saying a lot. I chased these thoughts and feelings around in circles until a stream of passing people made me check the time.

I wasn’t worried about my classes or anything else except Jasmine. I wanted to catch her again…and there she was, just starting to turn her head my way. Her mouth popped open. She stopped, causing a big football-playersize guy to stutter stop behind her, trying not to knock her over. She didn’t notice, and suddenly she was in front of me, looking at me with those dark, dark eyes…eyes that went on forever, like deep pools of secrets. “Nash.” She glanced at the bench and back at me. “Did you just sit here all this

time?” “I wanted to talk to you more.” It’s okay. I thought that and I could tell she heard me. She slowly shook her head in disbelief, moving to one side and then very slowly to the other. In contrast, her brain was clearly running in overdrive. I waited it out a few minutes, somehow feeling all that activity inside her head, and then she finally took two steps toward me. “Maybe we can talk later.” It was too much for her right now. I

felt that. And I nodded. She kept her gaze on me as she started to walk away. I wasn’t upset that she needed time. She could tell that too. She stopped down the path, turning and staring at me for another minute, before turning around and walking away. It didn’t make any sense to her, and that terrified her. It didn’t make sense to me either but I grabbed onto it. While thinking about, I realized I was scratching my arm. It itched like crazy. I pulled my sleeve up to check why, and did a double take.

What the hell? There was some kind of blue drawing on my inner forearm, like a long vine. If I went to parties, I might have wondered if I got drunk or drugged or something and someone did this as a joke, but I don’t party. So where could it have come from? I grabbed my phone and googled blue skin stains and found some information about jagua ink, something similar to henna, which is more popular. Jazz had a henna drawing on her arm. Curious.

This was getting bigger and stranger by the second. It wasn’t like anything I had ever heard about, not even on one of those paranormal shows. I sat down again, trying to wrap my brain around all of it. I jumped to a few conclusions before, involving Avery, and what really happened, but it would have been beyond human understanding for me to accept what she told me. With a flutter of nerves in my stomach, I texted her. Hi Avery, I’m sorry about the other day. Friends?

A few seconds later, she texted back, YES! A minute later, another text said, What changed? Or should I ask? I had anticipated this and still wasn’t sure how much to share, so I simply said, I talked to Jasmine. Hopefully Jasmine wouldn’t mind. Avery didn’t text back, so she might have sent something right off to Jasmine. I finally got up and started back toward my dorm. At least a dozen times, I pulled up my sleeve and looked at that vine.

Chapter Seventeen Avery I wonder what Jasmine said to Nash to change his mind so drastically? It didn’t make any sense that he could have such a big change of heart so suddenly. I thought about texting and asking but decided to talk to her in person—we were planning to get together with Kris later so maybe we could talk about

everything. I had another class to go to, and I tried to keep all the trains of thought from zipping around my head. Today already felt complicated. I kept thinking about what I’d say to Kristina when we finally talked, and now I had questions for Jazz… and then I kept thinking about Nash. I really hoped we could be friends. If only Marcus were in my head to help me sort it all out. I accidentally laughed out loud and got annoyed stares from everyone in the

room. Hope they enjoyed seeing my red face. Apparently I didn’t need Marcus in my head to embarrass the hell out of myself after all. A few hours later, I rushed home and found Jazz sitting on the couch and drawing on her leg with jagua. Kris couldn’t come for another hour so this gave me the perfect opportunity to talk to Jazz about the other things. “Hey,” I said, pausing to check out her artwork. Her laptop sat on the coffee table with a photo of a tree in bloom with pink blossoms. The version on her

leg had a more spindly tree going up her calf with a few flowers and a swirly vine growing up the tree. “That’s so pretty. The detail is amazing.” “Thanks… So I talked to Nash today.” Jazz kept her focus on her leg—I liked watching her work too. She held a small bottle full of the blue ink to draw with. “I did gather that.” I went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water before sitting down on the couch with her. I was careful to sit a cushion over and not make the couch move while she

drew. She’s explained that if you smear that ink it stains that way. “You don’t mind?” “No! He texted, and he’s not mad at me anymore. What happened? What on earth did you say to him?” “It wasn’t so much what I said.” She glanced over so quickly I almost missed it. “It’s hard to explain…” When she looked up, I realized this was hard for her. She didn’t want to tell me about it. But why not? I poured my heart out to her before when I thought I’d lost Marcus. So, why?

Did she like him? Did he like her? Jazz and Nash? I waited in case she would explain, but she got super focused on her artwork, almost like I wasn’t there. I sat back and sipped my water, puzzled and trying not to jump all over her with questions. They’re the last two people I would have put together, or guessed that they’d ever connect. She looks nothing like me, so it made me wonder which one of us was Nash’s type. (Does that matter? I remind myself.)

It never occurred to me before, but their personalities were similar. Two reserved introverts who take logic to a whole new level, kinda like two Spocks. That made me laugh inwardly before returning to this strange new reality. “We had this connection today,” was all she finally said. For Jazz, that was a lot. She hasn’t always been too revealing with her inner thoughts and feelings. “So you talked and clicked? That’s cool.” So they had some kind of connection.

A jolt ran through me, like when you hear bad news but it takes a few seconds for the reality to hit you. Only, this wasn’t bad news, just strange news... “Jazz, what kind of connection?” She glanced up, but not long enough for me to read her expression. “I don’t know. I mean, you know how it is when you talk to someone and it’s like you’ve been friends for a long time already?” She shrugged and went back to drawing. “So that’s why he believes my story now, because you two just talked?”

“Yeah, maybe he got a new perspective.” Jazz looked off toward the front window. It opened to the street but you couldn’t see much from where we were sitting. I had so many questions, but how could I ask something so she’d open up? Tap, tap. Jazz and I both jumped, then laughed. “Come in!” she called out. The door opened and Kris stepped in timidly, wearing a really cute long shirt and leggings. She dropped her bag on the floor by the door, still our messy girl.

Her hair was in full on curly mode today and pulled back in a loose ponytail. Jazz sat up and started picking up her jagua supplies. I scooted to the edge of the couch, searching for words. I decided to start with the thing I’ve been needing to tell her all this time. “Kris, I didn’t try to steal Kyle from you, or even kiss him. I don’t know what that was back there at the coast.” Her eyes misted over and she nodded. “I know.” She sat in the big chair, her old sparkle completely gone from her big

brown eyes. Jazz carried her things back to her room. “Where are you staying?” I asked. “And is Dawn gone too? I haven’t seen her.” “Dawn’s still here,” Jazz called, coming back down the hallway, “but I think you’re right. She’s been avoiding the house. Kris, tell her where you’re staying.” Kris barely got the name out before Jazz continued talking as she flopped back on the couch. “Don’t you think we should just put that whole thing behind

us?” She looked between Kris and me. “Why let some stupid guy ruin our friendship? Kyle was an ass from the beginning, and now you both know it.” Wow. Now Jazz decided to talk. Kristina’s shaky breathing echoed across the room, and hearing that propelled me to my feet. “I’m sorry, Ave.” She stretched her arms out and I grabbed her in a hug. “I’m sorry too.” “You shouldn’t be,” she said, choked up. “I did steal Kyle, and then I stayed with him even though I slowly figured

out what a jerk he’d been to you. I should have dumped his ass.” I squeezed into the chair with her and laid my head on her shoulder. “I have something to tell you guys about him actually.” I picked at a fray on my jeans. “I ran into Kyle a while back, and he apologized. He was really sorry.” Jazz scoffed. Kris stiffened next to me. “He thinks that makes it all better?” Jazz shook her head, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. “It’s more complicated than that.” I

pulled in a breath and asked Kris, “Do you know about Marcus?” “Huh?” Kris asked. “Wait,” Jazz said. “What does Marcus have to do with Kyle?” I glanced between my friends and realized I was confusing the heck out of them. “Well, nothing. But Kyle had these dreams, and I think they were similar to what happened between Marcus and me.” Jazz flopped back on the couch, her brow furrowed in thought. My mind lit

up suddenly too—whatever was going on with her might be something similar. I couldn’t even make a guess about what it was, but I was starting to think it was related to all this other strange stuff going on. “I’m lost.” Kristina moved so she could see my face. How much did she know? “Okay, let me start from the beginning about Marcus and me, and then I’ll explain about Kyle.” So I went back to that trip when I crashed on the snowboard, then waking up with Marcus

in my head, trying to act normal… Amazingly, Kristina listened with a curious expression instead of giving Jazz a look like, is she crazy? The room darkened while I talked because the sun was setting outside. It felt cozy sitting in the chair with Kris, keeping each other warm. Jazz lit her big apple scented candle that set in the middle of the coffee table. I finally got to the part about Kyle stopping me to apologize, although that word felt too small for what occurred between us that day.

“Kyle said he had dreams where he was me, and he experienced what he put me through.” I stopped there due to a random thought. Marcus had originally learned about Kyle and that night through a dream too. In that dream, he’d been with me and experienced all of it, but I couldn’t see or hear him. That felt so very long ago, but I couldn’t help but remember how Marcus wanted to protect me, and how he comforted me. “And you believe him?” Jazz asked, her eyes narrowed, but her tone sounded off, like a little afraid instead of angry. I

strained to see her expression better but the candlelight from below threw a strange shadow on her face. Why did she doubt? I’m pretty sure she believed my story. “Yeah, after what happened to me, I have to believe me. He acted really genuine and really sorry. I’ve never seen him like that. Jazz, he was completely changed.” “But!” She pointed a finger at Kristina. “That does not mean you can take him back.” “Don’t worry about that,” Kris said

flatly. “We’re over. You can’t go back after certain things.” We were quiet after that. She couldn’t mean that about the three of us… It didn’t apply to our friendships. We couldn’t let it. A few minutes later, Kris said thoughtfully, her voice sounding far away like she was thinking, “I wonder if that’s why he’s been texting me.” She glanced over at Jazz. “I’ve been ignoring him. I don’t know if I want to talk to him, but…” “But maybe you want some

closure?” I asked. Jazz didn’t add anything so I did. “You don’t have to do anything but listen if he wanted to apologize or talk. If might help.” She twisted up her mouth as she thought it over. I’d be curious later on if she did talk to him. “What about Dawn?” I asked. “Maybe we should have invited her here to talk too.” “First, Kris, are you coming home?” Jazz asked. I turned my head to look at Kris. She was watching me too and said,

“If you’ll have me back.” “Of course. Friends forever.” “Thank god!” Jazz said, jumping up. “I’ve had enough drama lately! Maybe we can get back to regularly scheduled life.” She trotted off down the hallway. Kris tilted her head, brows scrunched in thought, and slowly asked, “Is it just me, or is something a little off about Jazz, like something’s going on with her?” I answered with, “And it might involve Nash.” Her head jerked my way and her

mouth dropped open. “Seriously? And hold on, you’re okay with that?” I held a finger over my mouth because I didn’t want Jazz to hear us talking about her. Kris and I both wore unbelieving expressions. “I’m okay with it…but she’s not. There’s something strange going on.” Kris’s eyes went wide, catching the flickering candlelight. “You know,” she said, one corner of her mouth coming up in a smile, “they’re both so secretive and serious.” I thought about the homework Jazz

had collected for me from Nash: organized and color coded. She probably got high just flipping through it. I tried not to giggle. “Isn’t it funny that she’s so artistic but so neat and tidy?” “But Nash? What’s going on there?” I had to think for a minute and finally gave a little shake of my head. “They started talking when she got homework for me. At least, I think that’s how it started. And she’s been holding something back when we talk about it.” I stopped there, realizing I was gossiping.

We’re all close friends (again!) but it was still Jasmine’s business, and she liked to keep a tight lid on her life. Kris knew that too. She leaned her head back, thinking, but didn’t ask anymore. Then she closed her eyes on a sigh. “I’m so glad we worked things out. It’s been hell without you.” I lifted my arm over her head to pull her in closer, and we both said, “Friends forever!” “About fucking time!” Jazz yelled from down the hall. “Haven’t you two heard of hoes before bros?”

Kris burst out with a hard and fast laugh that sounded so funny I cracked up. Tonight might get a little crazy…and we needed it!

Chapter Eighteen Jasmine I left Kris and Ave laughing their heads off in the living room to go to the bathroom and then my room because I’d left my phone on my desk. It blinked and I stopped with my hand over it, wondering if Nash had texted. Nope. Corbin did. Hey girl. Corbin, popping up again. Did he

even have any idea what it did to me when he texted? He was probably sitting there with his friends when he shot off the text. Or maybe he was with another girl and trying to line something up for later. That’s what I picture, him not giving a damn and just wanting another girl for the night, and yet I haven’t been able to shake my feelings for him. I’ll stop everything and lose my breath because he sent a fucking text. I never answered his last one. That was something. It’d been the first time I

ever ignored anything from him. I usually answered within minutes. But life had gone all strange on me, and Nash came into the picture. Maybe I had finally broken free from Corbin. Well, maybe that was the one good thing coming out of this freaky Nash situation. There were a few times before when I deleted Corbin’s picture so it didn’t show up with his texts, but I always added it back on. This time I opened his contact and hovered my thumb over the delete button. I couldn’t let this go on any longer. It

hurt too much. I don’t mean anything to Corbin except a good time once in a while—once in a great while now. I held my breath and pushed Delete. My phone popped up with, “Are you sure you want to delete this contact?” Yes, I’m fucking sure. It hurt and felt good at the same time. I turned the phone off and set it back on my desk, then just stood there in a daze. Sometimes life felt like a cannonball had shot through my chest and left a big, burning hole. It felt better when I spent time with Corbin at first,

but now he was a part of that pain. But why? Why was I stuck on him, and why did I hurt like this? I rubbed my face and fixed my hair into a tighter bun, then got some art supplies out. I ended up drawing Nash. Fuck.

Chapter Nineteen

Marcus I listened to Jen roll over and fluff her pillow again. Then again. Then she flopped back the other way.

“Hey, sis, why don’t you go to the hotel to sleep?” I asked into the darkness. The rustling got quiet. “I’m fine.” “Ha! No you’re not. I can hear you rolling around trying to get comfortable.” That hospital cot couldn’t be very soft. It looked even worse than the bed I slept in, and that was saying a lot. “You can’t be that comfortable either.” She wiggled around some more, I think turning over to face my direction.

“Yeah, but you don’t have to be stuck here and not sleeping.” “Why not?” she asked. “I don’t mind. It’s really not any better being in a room with mom and dad. You know dad snores like a chainsaw on crack. Ca-caca-ca.” She made a horrible, nasally dying sound that sent us both into snorting laughter. It was true. He could wake a vampire during the daylight hours. When I calmed down, I asked, “Why not get your own room?” “Marcus, I’m fine. It’s not the bed.

My mind won’t slow down.” I chewed on that for a couple of minutes. “Yeah, my mind does that too.” “Seems like you’d do it even more.” “Uh?” I rolled onto my side, folding my good arm under my head. A few lights in the room blinked and I could almost make her out. I sensed her more than saw her though. Sometimes it’s nice to sit in the dark and talk to someone. “Cause I’m in this bed and having trouble?” I’d been working my ass off in therapy, putting in the same energy and

dedication I put into snowboarding. It was paying off. Slowly paying off. It wasn’t the instant gratification of creating and landing a new trick but I was getting there. Jen didn’t comment for a while. “Because you were in Avery’s head for a long time. You said all you had were your thoughts, right?” “Yeah, kinda.” I sighed, moving again so I could try to scratch inside the cast. Damn this stupid thing. It was supposed to come off soon. I was getting more and more control back too. I even

drew a picture of Avery today. I just didn’t get to talk to her. I wondered what was going on with her and school and her friends. And Kyle—had he talked to her again? Had he really changed his ways and left her alone? Or was he chasing her again? Chasing her still? “Marc?” “Yeah?” I sounded distracted and instantly knew she could tell that too. “I can practically hear your mental gears churning over there.” “Just thinking about Avery… You

don’t think Dad is right, do you?” Until I said those words, I had no idea that they’d gained any weight in my mind. “What the hell, Marcus.” She either sat or leaned up. “Did you lose your balls in the accident?” I was too shocked to laugh. Good joke though. “Dude, seriously, Dad’s been freaked out and talking out his ass. You know better than to listen to that.” She scoffed and flopped back on her bed. We were quiet for a while after that. I kept running things around, trying to go

back and feel like I did when Avery and I were so close. “Some days, like today, I feel far away from her.” “That happens in relationships. You’ll get to see her soon and you’ll feel as close as ever.” Peace settled over me like a cool blanket on my chest. “You always know what to say and how to make me feel better, sis.” “We’re always there for each other, right?” “Right. And you should get back to

your life and stop hanging around here.” She sighed. “I might. Eventually.” Suddenly I wondered if this was better than dealing with something else. Sure, I understood why she’d stayed here while I was in a coma, but now? What was she avoiding? “When you’re reading to talk…” “I know. But for now I just want to live in the moment and not think about the future. Well, not my future. I’m happy about your recovery.” I wished she was closer so I could grab her hand or even hug her.

Sleepiness finally came and I closed my eyes. I thought about telling Jen goodnight but I slipped off into sleep too suddenly.

Chapter Twenty

Avery Was I dreaming? It did and didn’t feel like it as I looked at Tom and Elaina sitting together, his arm around her shoulders and his head resting against her. They were sitting in front of a window and I walked around to the side to see their faces. Elaina wiped a tear

from under her eye before patting Tom’s hand on her shoulder. Soft light came in from somewhere, maybe the window, but it was hard to tell. I couldn’t even tell what kind of room they were in –the hospital or a hotel? The chairs were padded like the kind you see in hotels. “Hello?” They didn’t react, and I started to think I was dreaming, but why was I dreaming about them? This wasn’t anything like the other dreams, so maybe it was the normal, everyday kind of

dream. I stepped closer, feeling like it was really them… Another chair sat close by, so I pulled it over and sat down with them. She closed her eyes and leaned against him too. I hadn’t seen them like this, so open and vulnerable. “Listen, I’d never do anything to hurt Marcus… I don’t know why you’re so worried, but I’m on his side.” I watched for a reaction and didn’t see anything but I kept talking anyway, telling them the real story of how Marcus and I met, how we didn’t get along, and how we

changed each other. They didn’t look at me or talk, but they didn’t get up and leave either, so I just kept going. I’m not sure how long I talked; it felt like hours. I woke up some time later in a quiet, dark house. I wasn’t in bed. It took a couple of minutes to orientate myself. I had sat on the couch watching the candle until I fell asleep. Kris had gone back to her friend’s for one last night, and to get her stuff so she could come home. Guess Jazz went to bed too. It’ll be nice when Kris is here again, and

then Dawn might come around more. We can start hanging out again. Man, I missed them. The closest clock was in the kitchen so I quietly made my way there. Eleven forty. I had planned to call Marcus. I lingered in the kitchen, just standing there in my indecision. Then I remembered I’m strong and decisive, and decided I would wait and talk to him tomorrow. The decision made me sad and yet I stuck with it. I grabbed a protein bar for a lazy dinner and got ready for bed.

Once I was lying there, ready to go back to sleep, my mind woke up all the way. Great. “Marcus, I have so much to tell you,” I whispered. Just thinking about him made me ache, and my focus switched to us and our relationship. A few more days, and we could see each other. That helped and hurt at the same time. How on earth could I need him so much? It made me wonder. If this was love, why did people do it? Wouldn’t it be easier to not need anyone? But I couldn’t help this if I tried, and

I don’t want to. I want him. Need him. Love him. I still felt like he was a part of me even though he wasn’t here, whispering in my brain. But somehow I would need to figure out how to live my life, and be me, and find myself and my goals and dreams… I sighed and rolled over, my brain on a crazy spin roll thinking of Marcus, Jazz, Nash… and my dad for some reason. I used to think of my mom all the time and miss her like crazy. I’ve been too angry at my dad to think straight about him. But the strangest thing is connecting

in my brain. If Nash could suddenly understand my situation and forgive me, maybe I could try it? Maybe I could forgive my dad and let go of the anger? That was a scary thought. There was no way I could fall asleep with so many tracks running in my head, but oddly I felt myself falling and swirling in that lovely decent. I woke up on the board—flying downhill fast. I gasped and heard Marcus laugh, long and loud and happy. It took a few seconds to orientate myself, but it was a

few good seconds as I saw the pristine powder under us, the snowscape ahead as it flattened out, and then the gray steel sky up ahead. Why are we running away? What are you talking about, babe? I don’t know… I just got this feeling we’re running away from something. Not a real danger behind us here, but something else. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Don’t we come here to escape life for a few? We were doing riddles tonight. I

pulled in a breath of crisp, cold air and let the charged molecules energize me. I wanted to feel new. I wanted to relax and enjoy this. But there was something… Oh! I have to tell you about Nash. Yeah? Marcus was totally into the curves. We were taking a slow casual decent. Nash isn’t mad at me anymore. He knows. He believes now. Really? I’m surprised. He’s so serious and analytical. Jazz talked to him and something

happened. It all came to mind and Marcus followed, seeing what I saw and remembering it with me. Stranger things have happened… Like us? We slowed to a near stop and both of us plopped into a snowdrift on our backs. Marcus rolled to face me and reached out to grab me and pull me closer. His hair was longer right now, the way I imagined it before when he was in my head, and both his arms were fine.

He gazed into my eyes with a tenderness that left me speechless. Defenseless. “I want you so bad,” he whispered, his gaze dropping to my mouth. “I want you too.” I lifted my head, trying to reach him. “I want you in real life, the real me, when I’m healthy.” “You are healthy.” I took his face in my hands. “You’re perfect.” Then I pulled him close. Before he kissed me, he said against my lips, “This weekend, Ave. I’m having you this weekend. I’m going to make

love to you for hours.” When his lips finally did touch mine, I thought, this will do just fine for now.

Chapter Twenty-One

Nash Hindsight is twenty-twenty. God, I hate that expression. It’s like people want to be lazy and not think things through, and then later they can just blame it on inexperience. And that’s exactly what I did wrong with Avery: I didn’t really peruse her and then, later

on, I realized that’s what she either wanted or needed. I was too polite and didn’t fight for her. But that might not have mattered, since it seems that fate intervened. Fate. I pulled my sleeve up and glanced at the ink stain on my arm again. Jasmine was close by and I would find her. But my whole point with this is that I’m not making the same mistake again. I learned my lesson. I’m not going to pretty-please my way around with Jazz. I spotted her up ahead, and picked up

my pace, dodging around a few people to reach her. “You can’t avoid me forever,” I said as I walked up behind her. God, this woman was beautiful and mysterious and seriously sexy. She looked up at me with those dark eyes but didn’t appear surprised to see me. Actually, she probably felt me coming. I’d been feeling her for the last few days, ever since we talked. We matched each other’s pace and walked in silence, turning to leave the crowded walkway. She held a couple of

her books against her chest even though she had her backpack on. “It takes me a while to get used to things,” she finally said. “I did notice that.” “And to just accept things if it seems like I don’t have a choice.” I turned to her. “Of course you have a choice.” “Do I?” I gave her a look—it wasn’t one I’d usually give someone I didn’t know well, but I knew she could read it. She would understand and know I was

checking her logic on that one. Sure, any logic we applied here would be different…but apparently we were different. I thought of the vine on my arm but jerked my thoughts away from it—what if she picked up on that? It’d really freak her out, if she thought fate was running the show. I glanced over her head at the windows behind us. Damn, we did go together. I was tall, dark and handsome. She was small and sexy and complicated. She turned and saw our

reflections too. Something about our expressions—our eyes—completely matched. I even liked our skin tones together, my olive skin and her warm Japanese complexion. I touched her arm and guided her to a bench. Here we were again. She sat down at the same time as I did, and we were sitting close enough that she could lean into me. And she heard that. She looked up and gave me a small smile. “I said I needed some time to think it over…”

“Even though this seems to be more about emotion,” I threw in. “And we don’t actually know each other.” “Which we could change.” I lifted my eyebrows at her. Her face broke into a smile, a beautiful, quick flash of a smile. “And we don’t know what we’re doing or what this is.” “And we can explore it and find out.” One side of her mouth tilted up, teasing and inviting. I didn’t hesitate. I

learned down as she turned her face my way, and I kissed her. I meant to graze her lips quickly with mine, but instead I lingered and then teased her lips with my tongue. Her mouth felt so warm, so soft, so sensual. I wanted to spend hours in this first kiss, getting her to know her mouth. She gasped and pulled back. “Didn’t you want that?” I asked. I know she did. She shook her head, her gaze on my chest to avoid my eyes. “Yes, I did. But… Nash, we can’t go down this

road.” “Why not? I’d say we already are.” She shook her head, looking away from me. “It completely messed things up for Avery.” “Wait.” I took her chin so she’d meet my eyes. “What are you saying? I messed things up for Avery?” “Oh, no, I mean the thing with Marcus did. She’s way behind in school and her life is a mess, and I don’t know if I want to willingly go through something like that. Something like this. I’ve already let a guy mess my life up. I

don’t want to do it twice.” Jasmine glanced up, looking at me with regret in her eyes. “I won’t.” I felt red hot, consuming rage at whoever hurt her. It shocked me. I didn’t want to lose this chance. I didn’t want to lose her before we even tried. “Jazz, look at this.” I pulled my sleeve up and showed her the vine. She glanced between the design and my face several times, confused at first, then curious. “Nice, did you draw it?” “No. I don’t know how it got there.”

Her eyes narrowed, her lips forming a question. Then she shook her head again and started to get up. I touched her arm—softly—but she hesitated. “It showed up while we were talking the last time.” “How?” “This magic we’re sharing, I guess. It put it there because of you.” She straightened and stared at me. “You just said we did have a choice in this, but then you’re showing me that?” Jazz took a step back and turned to face away.

Did we have a choice? It didn’t matter to me. I wanted her. She looked at me so sharply I could tell she heard that. “No.” She said the word softly, and somehow that made it echo even louder in my mind. She walked backwards for several steps before turning around and taking off. So it’s not going to be easy. I watched how far Jazz made it before glancing back at me. It was that glance that told me not to give up. It won’t be easy but she’s worth it.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Avery

Marcus was sitting up on his bed when I entered, dressed in a gray T-shirt and long black sports sweats with a white line running down the leg. His hair looked nice. He looked nice. Hot. Happy. Relaxed.

He grinned at me, the white of his teeth flashing and making my heart skitter around. His eyes gleamed like he had a secret, like a little boy waiting for me to notice something. Oh! “Your cast is off!” “Yeah.” He rose and stepped toward me, almost in slow motion. I watched as he walked up to me and gazed down into my eyes. Damn, it felt nice to look up at him. He took my face in both his hands and leaned down to kiss me softly and quickly on the lips.

“Mmmm.” “Hmm, hmmm,” he agreed, then pulled back and looked at me with his melt-my-heart warm amber brown eyes. I smiled and stretched up to kiss him, and as soon as our mouths met, he teased mine open with his tongue. This wasn’t the sweet hello kiss I’d expected. But it’s what I suddenly wanted very much. His hands wound into my hair, pulling my head back, his tongue taking over my mouth. His other arm pulled me against him, and I finally got to feel both

of his arms wrapped around me, claiming me, holding me close. He felt back on his game. Before this, Marcus had only kissed me like this in our dreams. Now… Wow… His hands slid down my back and over my hips, then he pulled me closer in a quick motion. “Mm!” I made a quiet noise before I could stop myself. His hand came up my back and to my hair again, playing with it, sinking his fingers into my strands. It’d been so long since anyone did that, it undid me. I went

limp against him as he kissed me. His hand slid deeper into my hair to cradle my head, and he kissed his way to my ear. My head leaned to one side and his mouth found the soft skin on my neck. He kissed softly up my neck, then nibbled. Marcus straightened, and I finally opened my eyes to look at him again. He watched me back, playing with my hair and then fixing it, twisting strands like he knew what he was doing. His hands felt so nice in my hair…on my arms…on my stomach as one slid up to graze over my

breast. My body silently screamed, dying, needing. “So nice… touching with both hands like this, nothing in the way.” “Oh, I know,” I breathed. My eyes must have said it all too. Marcus stepped back, took my hand and led me to the bed to sit down with him. “We’re going to get ourselves too excited…and someone could walk in.” I pulled in a cleansing breath, and he could probably hear how much I needed him right in that second. “See, we made it through the week,”

he said with a big smile, and maybe fake bravado, as he nudged my chin. “It’s driving me crazy,” I admitted. “I have good news then…” That playful smile came back along with a glint in his eyes. “I’m waiting.” “I got a weekend pass.” Everything in me lifted, like dark clouds blasting apart and the sun bursting through in vibrant yellow. Then I wondered where we would go. “I rented a cabin out in the country,” he added. “With a hot tub.”

I was floored—and then I remembered how badly he wanted a real trip for us. This would be perfect, just the two of us, along finally, without any cares. “The one catch is… I’m not supposed to drive yet.” “That’s no big deal. I’ve been driving us around all this time anyway. At least, when you were up here.” I pointed to my head. Other people were walking into the room behind me. So what did his parents think about this whole weekend idea? I braced and

turned around, putting a smile on my face before greeting them. Elaina smiled back. I expected a hard stare from Tom but his blue eyes actually looked kind. It sent me off kilter for a minute. They said hi at the same time. “Hi there… It’s nice seeing Marcus without the cast, isn’t it?” His mom gave him a big smile. “Sure is,” Tom said, hugging Marcus. “Very nice to see you on his feet and moving around… All set to head out?” I stood back, shocked but happy to

see this change. Before Marcus answered, I heard Elaina sigh softly. It was a happy sound. Apparently it smoothed things over when they could see he was making a full recovery. Marcus answered his dad and Elaina turned to me to say, “I can’t believe he’s checking out so soon. Well, I should have known he’d be ready this soon. He’s always been like that.” I tilted my head, curious, but before I could ask what she was talking about, two doctors entered the room. It was starting to get packed in here. Marcus

glanced over as everyone said hi, then waved me over to him. He must have seen I was feeling a little claustrophobic and antsy. “So what’s going on?” I asked him, halfway hushed even though they could all hear. “He’s getting out of here,” the young, handsome doctor announced with a wide smile. Dr. Michaels, I remembered. “Really?” “Yup, I’m checking out of here and just going to outpatient therapy for a while. I’ll be training again before you

know it.” He held out his fist and I bumped it. “Congrats!” “We had to come see you off,” Dr. Michaels said, throwing out his hand to shake with Marcus. Several nurses came him behind them. They all wanted hugs and handshakes. One had a photo of Marcus from Sochi for him to sign. “Wow, this is quite the sendoff,” Marcus said. I slipped back and took a seat. When I did, I happened to notice Jen standing by the door. I squeezed by everyone and stepped into the hallway

with her. “Great news, huh?” she asked, her blue eyes sparkling. “Totally.” I pulled in a long deep breath to calm my nerves. I felt almost high and lightheaded about it and this weekend with him. She took a step to peek into the room and I asked, “So what are you planning after this?” “I’m heading back to Colorado tonight. Mom and dad are going to spend the weekend on the coast so they can see Marcus Monday.” She had her arms wrapped across her stomach and took a

big breath, making me wonder if she was nervous about going back to normal life. “We should keep in contact.” “For sure.” She gave me a genuine smile as the nurses began filing out of the room. “Looks like they’re letting him go.” *** So the drive out to the cabin gave us the chance to catch up about everything: how I talked to Kris, the thing with Kyle, and the possible thing between Jazz and

Nash. We’d shared most of this in our dreams in one form or another but it felt good to discuss it. “But she hasn’t said anything?” Marcus asked. He held my hand in the center of the car while I drove. A few feathery clouds stretched across the sky above the newly leafed out maple trees that lined the road. It made a really pretty picture as we zipped along through the sun and shade spots. “No… she’s keeping a pretty tight lid on it.” “But you still think there’s something

there?” I shrugged and glanced over. “I guess it’s more of a feeling than putting anything together.” “Does it bother you, if there is something?” He sounded curious, if maybe a bit guarded. It was a funny topic to discuss with Marcus: my old (almost) boyfriend getting together with one of my closest friends. “It doesn’t bother me, not about them, but I feel a little odd about how this thing is spreading.”

“First Kyle… Then Jazz and Nash.” “Yeah, and maybe… maybe your parents.” “How’s that?” He turned his body my way. “I’m not sure if it actually did anything, but I dreamed about them, so I tried to talk to them and let them know they could trust me.” I shrugged and peeked at him, unsure how he’d react. It felt a little like I’d tried to manipulate them. “Wow, cause they did have a change of heart out of the blue…” He rubbed his

chin with his knuckles, thinking. “They didn’t say anything to me about dreams or anything odd, but who knows? Maybe it did work.” He didn’t sound like he minded what I did. We were almost to the cabin and the scenery was so breathtaking that it was hard to feel anything but joy. White and pink blossoms speckled the trees in patches of sun, and in other places ferns grew around tall, thick evergreens. The sun set while we drive and the forest areas grew darker. The GPS announced

a turn soon, and when our road came up and I turned off. We grinned at each other. This was our time. The dirt road dipped down into a gully with ferns and thick forest all around it. With night approaching, there were small spots of silver light shining down through the trees, catching on a leaf or fern here and there to make mysterious outlines. The moist, rich forest smell slipped into the car, inviting us. We followed the drive for about a half a block when the

cabin came into view. It was a small log cabin, but very nice, and the front porch light had been left on for us. The porch had a big wooden swing and firewood outside the front door. “So rustic and pretty,” I breathed as I pulled up and parked. Marcus jumped out and ran around the car to my side. I laughed, so happy to see him up and active like that. He opened my door and made a big, sweeping bow with a hand flourish. “My lady, your magical weekend awaits.” When I stepped out of the car,

however, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me, backing me up against the car. I gripped him by his hair, pulling him close, kissing with him with everything in me. Minutes later, he pulled back enough to plant a quick kiss on my lips, then on my cheek, the other one, my forehead, my neck, and then he started sucking and making me laugh and gasp at the same time. “Alright, now we go inside.” ***

Half an hour later, I opened the bathroom door with a big beach towel wrapped around my swimsuit. Marcus had gone out to open the hot tub. I stepped outside into the cool night air that felt alive with night secrets. A million stars twinkled down and the sliver moon, just rising over on the horizon, threw soft moonbeams across the yard and evergreens. It was quiet so I thought I was alone until he moved. Marcus stepped closer and took my free hand.

“I can’t believe we’re here together,” he said, his voice quiet and soft, like a summery breeze. His other hand lifted to my shoulder, and I felt his finger running along my collar bone. I couldn’t help but close my eyes. The sensation triggered a shiver that vibrated through my entire body, then settled in my low abdomen. It caught me by surprise like it does every time, and while I marveled over it, Marcus turned toward the hot tub and moon light gleamed on his fully nude body. And that feeling low in my body

tightened and turned over; something feeling like hot liquid shot through me. He stepped into the hot tub and threw an evil grin over his shoulder. “You didn’t want to get that swimsuit all wet, did you?” His voice held a dare. I started to tell him to turn around… and remembered he had seen all of this before, but from inside my head. The cool air and seductive moonlight must have done me in, along with the beautiful man standing before me. I accepted the dare. I slowly slid the shoulder straps off and reached behind

to undo my bikini top, then tossed it in the pool chair. Marcus faced me but he didn’t seem to be looking down. Half of me wanted him to, but the other half was thankful for his politeness as I shimmed out of my bottoms and tossed them in the chair too. He held out a hand for me. It was dark enough, and I wasn’t familiar with the steps inside the water, so I gratefully took his hand and climbed in. He sat first, still holding my hand, and guided me to sit on his lap. The heat of the water seeped right

into me, feeling so nice. Relief swept through me as my body relaxed and I leaned back against his chest. The moon inched up a tiny bit more and its light swam over my face and the hot tub water. “Oh, wow…” Marcus breathed in my ear. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” “I’m sure the moon is too, but you should see your body in the silver light.” I tilted my head enough to see… oh my. My skin was all wet and gleaming, and my stomach was flat and tone. Wow.

Was it the running and sit ups? I looked good. A secret thrill ran through me that Marcus was holding me and appreciating me like this, and then his hands came around me and flattened on my lower stomach. I coiled up inside, feeling desire like never before. I gasped and then held my breath as his hands ever so slowly began to slide upward—soft and intentional like he was reading brail, his palms against me but also his fingertips playing notes on my skin. Memorizing me. His breath sped up next to my ear.

He caressed over my lower stomach and navel and inch by inch up to my ribs. There he slowed down even more while I silently begged please, please, please. His breath turned ragged. I reached up to his hands and guided them upward to cover my breasts. Lava hot heat exploded inside me, burning outward and pooling in a wonderful pain. I twisted my face and found his neck. The scent of his skin filled my nose as I moaned into him. I thought I was about to die, and then he slid one hand back down, moving as

slowly as before. My body pushed up out of the water on its own accord, my mind nothing but white hot light. My blood pounded in my head and, oddly, my lips. I felt them swelling. The ache started low and rose inside me, a physical pointed ache I didn’t know existed before. One of his hands slid slowly down my stomach and between my legs. I couldn’t stop myself from panting. Marcus’s teeth closed around my earlobe and I heard a low hum. Whatever he was doing vibrated through

me. His fingers moved on my body, on the sensitive place, making me want more. I reached up and gripped his hair, trying not to scream, as he slipped his fingers into me. I couldn’t contain myself. I couldn’t be quiet. And I couldn’t keep my hand away. I held onto him still while reaching down, covering his hand, pushing his fingers deeper into me. He slid up, pulling me into a sitting position, without removing his hand, touching me until everything inside of me broke. The white light behind my eyelids

burst into color as my body rocked. Then it felt like all the blood drained from my head, leaving me dizzy. Happy. Floating. My body vibrating. My legs felt funny, like I wouldn’t be able to walk if I tried. I wanted to say his name but felt myself twirling through space, thoughts floating away. “Ave? Babe? You okay?” His voice sounded musical to me. I wanted to bottle it and take it with me always. “Hmm?”

“That good, huh?” “Oh! Oh.” I tried to lift my head. Slowly, I slid and turned around to sit on his lap facing him. “Marcus, that was amazing…” The moonlight bounced off his perfect white teeth. I’d noticed his three day growth earlier that was turning into more of a beard, but his face looked different in the moonlight. Older in a good way, like refined and classy. His eyes were darker too, maybe all of his features more stark. I traced his eyebrows; they were strong and defining

in his handsome, chiseled face. “That was like your bath. Remember that, at the beach house?” “How could I forget?” I almost giggled, embarrassed, and realized he had just recreated that moment, but with him in it physically. Marcus took me by the hips so I’d stand up. I thought he wanted to get out of the hot tub, but instead he guided me to the edge so I was bent over it, his hands sliding down my back, over my ass and between my legs. He ran a finger across me and inside, and got me

worked up again, panting, griping the tub’s edge. Just as I whispered, “I want you,” I felt his maleness touch me. Oh, my, god, it was the most amazing feeling of my life as he finally slid inside in a slow, long push. “Yes, oh, fuck, yes!” I pushed back against him, wanting more. “My god, Avery.” I could tell he wanted to take his time but I couldn’t handle it. I’d been aching for him for so long, and I just wanted him to use me. Words escaped

me but I reached back to his hip to pull him against me harder and faster. His hands roamed by back before grabbing my hips. It was mad and fast and crazy and everything I needed and wanted. I came three times in a row before he suddenly lost control in one, final push that sent me over the edge again. I saw stars, literally saw little white lights blinking all around me. Marcus fell forward, pressing his face to my back before kissing his way around my shoulder blades. I shivered

from his touch. “Cold?” “No… happy,” I breathed my answer. “I like your touch and kisses.” He kept kissing my back, making me wiggle. My legs were in the water still, and I realized we were probably getting too hot. He sensed that too and turned me around so we could wrap our arms around each other. A minute later he pulled me even closer so I wrapped myself around his body, and suddenly he pushed up to his feet.

“Marcus!” I panicked, thinking he couldn’t hold me after his injuries. “Babe, I’ve got you.” He carefully stepped out of the hot tub and carried me toward the glass door. He did have me. He didn’t shake or even act like it was hard to carry me. We went inside and he took me to the bedroom, holding me close and planting a very soft, sweet, tender kiss on my forehead as he walked. He laid me down on my back and, as he pulled back, ran his hands down my

naked body. I arched up into his touch, my body going all hot for him again. “Now I get to take my time,” he said in a voice that didn’t leave room for arguing, while he sat back to take me in. His long, intimate look made me tingle with anticipation. When he finally moved, he leaned down to caress my feet, and then slowly moved his hands up my calves, molding to the curve of them. His mouth followed, lightly kissing up one and down the other. He skimmed his lips over my skin, breathing hot breath on me, and ever so lightly touching with

his tongue. “Mmm, come up here.” “Not yet. Don’t move, okay?” His voice was sweet and firm, teasing. I couldn’t hold still while his hands and mouth played up and down my legs, though. “Ave, don’t move!” I tried to hold still as he kissed and caressed higher and higher, and then his mouth kissed up one thigh and hovered between my legs. “You know… I seem to recall telling you… I’d show you what a real kiss felt like.”

I thought back—he did tease me quite a bit when I could only hear him. “Maintenant je vais vous montrer…” He spoke low, his voice tickling over my most intimate part. I didn’t understand anything he said as he continued to tease me. “Whaaat?” I could hardly talk. Had I really forgotten he spoke French? Excitement rippled up me, and not just because his breath was tantalizing me there, but because I knew we had so many things to still talk about and share. “And you meant—Oh! Oh, my god!”

I was not holding still now. I couldn’t keep my back on the bed. I could not get enough of this man. And just as I thought that, he slid his finger inside while teasing with his tongue. I grabbed hold of a pillow, twisting it in my hand and then biting it to muffle my moans. I wrapped a leg around Marcus’s head and screamed into the pillow. How did he do that to me again so soon? Surprising me more, he nibbled his way up the dip by my hip and over my stomach.

“You’re…not…holding….still.” I wasn’t! I was squirming and pushing my body up into his touch. Still, he did what he said and took his time, kissing every inch of my skin, running his hands over every curve and dip, and exploring his way up until he was looking down at my face. His hands wove into my hair and gripped two handfuls, tilting my head back so he could kiss me, tongue to tongue, our mouths moving together as he slid into me. “You drive me crazy,” he said, one

hand smoothing my hair back so he could kiss on my neck. “I drive you crazy?” I had to laugh. “Ohh, do that again!” That made me laugh more, and I guess tighten around him. By the sounds he made, he liked it. A lot. I bit my lip— I had a way to tease him back now. But even with my touching him all over and teasing, he didn’t hurry. We’d waited so long for this so I didn’t really mind. And we had several more positions to try… Somehow each orgasm just built into

the next until my entire body felt warm, lazy and satisfied. Then Marcus rolled onto his side, pulling me with him so we were lying facing each other. The new angle felt amazing. My mouth fell open and I started to close my eyes, ready to climax again, but he touched me. “Look at me.” Once I saw the love and heat mixed in his eyes, I couldn’t look away. It was the hottest thing ever. I bit my lip, getting close, and that did him in. He took me by the shoulders, my name on his lips as he came hard. It left me dizzy and happy,

and half asleep for a while. He spoke to me softly, sweet words, sometimes in French. “Je t’aime, Tiger Lily.” Then I felt his fingers softly tracing up my arm and over my collarbone. He slowly mapped his way around, his touch so sensual and nice after our lovemaking. I finally opened my eyes to smile at him. “Nothing can break our bond,” he said quietly, his gaze reaching into mine. “I know that now,” I agreed, running my hands up his arms, feeling his

muscles that were starting to build again. He whispered ever so softly, “Babe, I love you.” “I love you too. So much.” “I love you, Avery, more than anything. No matter what, forever. You and I will always be a part of each other.” He intertwined his fingers with mine. Maybe fate did bring us together, but we made the magic. Like Marcus said, we’re a part of each other forever.

The End

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About the Author

Kristen James lives in Oregon, USA, and enjoys hiking, cycling, camping, traveling, reading, and spending time with her family. She’s often out in the mountains, picking wild berries or mushrooms.

Kristen is also a bestselling author of emotional love stories, mostly set in the Pacific Northwest. She discovered her love of writing in the fourth grade when her class wrote short stories, and she’s been writing ever since. http://www.writerkristenjames.com Newsletter Signup! Hear about contests, freebies and new releases first.

Also by Kristen James: More Than Memories, Book 1 A Wedding to Remember, Book 2

Embers of Hope, Book 1 More Than a Promise, Book 2 Costa Rica In A Field of Oranges Point Hope A Cowboy For Christmas