L K Collins One Final Breath (ang)

Copyright © 2017 LK Collins Cover Design by Prezidential Visions Edited by Lisa Christman, Adept Edits Proofread by Leticia Sidon and Janice Owen Photography by Andriy Bezuglov All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner.

Table of Contents Dedication Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24

Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Epilogue Acknowledgements

Dedication To anyone who has loved and lost, may you find your own happily ever after.

Prologue Faye Holding on to my husband, Ben’s, hand, it’s so thin and fragile; in one short month, his strong muscularity is a distant recollection of the man he was. The man I married who promised me forever is being robbed of the future he deserved. The color in his face has changed in the last few hours. And as much as I don’t want to admit it, his breathing has slowed. It won’t be long now until he’s gone. Our son, Braxley, is wrapped up in a ball tucked beside him. I’m not sure if letting Braxley lie with his dad is the right thing to do, but in these situations, there are no rulebooks. Our son wanted to sleep next to his dad, who am I to tell him he can’t? This is the last shred of physical comfort he can draw from his dad, and he should have it. Hell, I’m two seconds from crawling in next to them. I really don’t know why I haven’t. “I love you, Ben,” I whisper, doing my best to stay strong, just like I promised him I would, and hope even though he’s no longer conscious he can still hear me. “I love you more than anything,” I whisper and choke back the tears. He doesn’t move or respond, just slow, shallow breaths. His light blond hair is messy the way it always is, and it reminds me of the day we met at the beach off the coast of Seattle where we live. His eyes connected to mine and before we even spoke a word to each other, he owned me. It was a true case of love at first sight. I was his, and a few months later we married. That day seems so far away now; if only we could go back to that time. Ben’s illness hit him quick and completely out of the blue. He was fine one day, healthy and strong, then the next he was in the hospital, going through chemo and radiation in hopes of stopping the growth of the tumors that were attacking him from the inside out. His body couldn’t even tolerate the first round of treatment, and we were thunderstruck by the reality that we were already out of options. The cancer had spread to his bone marrow, he wasn’t a candidate for a stem cell transplant, and he spiraled downward right before our very eyes. Each day made him weaker as the cancer claimed more territory. We scrambled to complete everything we could on his bucket list, while internally I tried to fight off the inevitability of his death, just to get me through the days. Looking at the one-page list he made of the things he wanted to do, it saddens me that I was not able to fulfill all of his wishes. A part of me feels as if I failed him. Rhonda, his nurse, comes into our bedroom to do her usual check-up and exhales a deep, long breath after only listening to his heart for a few seconds. “It won’t be long now, Faye.” I nod, the tears breaking free, and I know Ben hates it when I cry. He told me he’s not afraid of dying; he’s okay letting go, he’s only afraid to leave Braxley and I. Not able to resist the urge to be close to him for one more second, I lie down along Ben’s side, able to see Braxley sleeping across Ben’s emaciated chest. I cup Ben’s beloved, familiar face. He’s cold. Jesus, he’s so cold. Pulling back, I take a good look at him and can tell it’s happening. “Noooooo,” I wail into his neck, holding on to him tighter than ever, breathing in his scent that I love. No amount of time could ever prepare me for this moment, and even now I pray for a miracle, for something to happen to not take him from us, not yet. “Don’t go, baby.” I go against every promise I made him about letting him go peacefully and beg him to stay. He gasps for air, and as I look at his face, one single tear rolls down his cheek, followed by his one final breath.

I shake my head, not wanting it to be true. “Oh, God,” I cry out into the palm of my hand, staring at him, waiting for him to breathe again for what feels like an hour, but it never happens, and oh my God…it never will. Touching our lips together, I kiss him and breathe him in one last time. My hand moves to Braxley not wanting him to wake and see his dad like this. I only want him to remember Ben alive and vibrant, not this way. Letting go of Ben’s hand, I get up and move to the other side of the bed. I find the strength from our little boy and lift him up, cradling his growing five-year-old body tightly against mine as I walk out of the room, leaving half of myself there with my husband, knowing nothing will ever be the same.

Chapter 1 Faye I wake gasping for air at 1:01am. That is the same time that Ben passed away over a year ago, and even though so much time has passed, nothing seems to be any easier. In fact, each day is just as hard as the last. I’m constantly reminded of the memories and the time we shared. Looking back, when Ben was still alive, I’d hoped I could’ve found comfort in those memories, but I haven’t and fear I never will. Every street I drive down reminds me of him, every song that comes on the radio, every blond-haired guy I see—it’s all a reminder of the man I lost, my husband, my one and only. I often wonder why God takes certain people. Why not me? Why him? I would’ve switched places with him in a heartbeat. But that’s not the way things work in this world, and we all know that. As fucked up as situations can be, sometimes you’re stuck with no way out. Getting out of bed, I look over at Ben’s side. My chest tightens imagining him taking his final breath right there. Knowing my mind will not stop running, I get up and check on Braxley to be sure that he’s sound asleep and safe. Lately, I’ve become obsessed with checking on him, and I think it’s because I’m scared that I’ll lose him too. Thinking of it gives me the chills. Without Braxley I don’t know what would happen to me. Bile rises to the back of my throat; that overbearing motherly instinct is so strong, I’m not sure how to control it, and I don’t think I should. Closing the door to his bright blue room that we painted as a family, I head down to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine. The reflection of the moonlight glimmers on the pool in our backyard. I can still picture Ben and Braxley, playing out in the water and me floating in my lounge chair, which now sits empty atop the glassy water. I haven’t been able to bring myself to swim since Ben passed. Braxley still swims, though, and I’m grateful that he’s young enough to not understand the true pain of death and how he’ll never see his father again. I wish I could say the same for myself, but I can’t. I’ll always remember the moment I lost Ben and the month leading up to it. Heading into the living room, my feet pad quietly against the rough wood floors, yet another reminder of Ben. He planned on sanding and refinishing them…but like so many things, he never got the chance. I lie down on the couch, sipping my wine, and close my eyes, searching for some peace and quiet from the constant torment that my brain is putting me through. But all I can see is Ben, struggling, the lines of pain etched into his face, and then that one final breath of air he took before he left me. I sob, covering my mouth, and hope one day I’ll find a tiny amount of relief from the torment that surrounds me. *** “Mommy,” Braxley says, nudging my shoulder, waking me up. “Yeah, baby?” I blink heavily, looking into his dark innocent eyes, the same eyes of his father. “I’m hungry.” “Okay.” In a groggy fog, I get up and follow him into the kitchen, but I’m still so happy to see him. I only fell asleep a few hours ago, and anymore I’m only functioning off a few snatched moments of sleep.

Braxley hops up on a stool at the bar, his short legs dangling over the edge, as I look into the fridge. “What do you feel like eating?” I ask him. “I don’t care,” he says. Of course, he doesn’t. He’s the easiest kid in the world when it comes to eating. “How about lasagna?” I suggest playfully with a waggle of my eyebrows, pulling out a container of leftovers that my mom brought us. His lips pull up into a huge grin, his smile the only thing that keeps me going anymore. “Okay,” he shrugs his shoulders, and I roll my eyes. “Come on, Braxley, I wouldn’t feed you lasagna for breakfast.” “I’ll eat it, Mommy.” “Do you really want it?” I ask him. “Yeah.” “Okay.” I pop it in the microwave and start a pot of coffee. “Why did you sleep on the couch?” he asks me. “I’m just more comfortable there.” “‘Cause Daddy’s not in your bed anymore?” “Yes, honey.” I pull out the lasagna and blow on it, then hand it to Braxley. I’m grateful that he’s not bothered by talking about Ben being gone, and I think it’s because he doesn’t really understand that he’ll never see his dad again. Happily, he begins to eat his food with a satisfied expression on his face, and I stand there just watching him. Then the doorbell rings, pulling me from my daze, and I walk to the front of our cozy home. As I open it, my mother-in-law gazes back at me and then pulls me into a big hug. “How are you doing, Faye?” she asks me, obviously concerned. “I’m okay. What are you doing here, Jan?” I direct her inside, and she follows me in, looking at me intently, studying me like she always does. “You have a therapy session today, remember?” I do, and I totally forgot about it. Even the word “therapy” bothers me, so you can imagine how I feel about having to actually go and talk about my feelings, which never seems to help. No matter what I do, I’m still struggling just to get through each moment. “You sure you’re okay?” she asks again, and I nod. Braxley is in the next room, so I’m not about to let him know that I’m upset. Like usual, I quiet her worry and reassure her. “Everything is okay. Come and see your grandson. He’s just eating.” As we walk into the kitchen, she rushes to his side, but her excitement changes to alarm when his red marinara-stained face smiles at us. “Grandma!” he exclaims excitedly. “What in the world are you eating?” “Mommy made me lasagna.” “What a strange thing to eat for breakfast.” She gives me a disapproving glare. “It’s what he wanted, and he is a growing boy, aren’t ya, baby?” He nods as I rub the top of his soft messy hair. “I’m gonna go get dressed,” I tell them and head upstairs, needing a moment away from her. Her intentions are good, and she really doesn’t mean any harm, but with Jan, it’s her way or—no way. Walking into the closet, I keep my eyes on my side and off of Ben’s. I hate looking at all of his clothing. Quickly, I grab a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt. After I dress and pull my hair up, I brush my teeth then go back downstairs where I find Jan making Baxley a full course breakfast. The bacon is already sizzling, and I ask her, annoyed because I already fed him, “What are you doing?” “Faye, lasagna is nothing to feed a little boy.” I kiss Braxley on the top of his head and ignore her comment. I just want to make him happy, and if that means lasagna for breakfast, then so be it. He’ll be okay. “I’ll be back in a few hours,” I tell them and

give him a big hug. “Bye, Mommy.” “You be good for grandma, okay?” he nods, and I kiss Jan on the cheek walking out. “Bye, Faye.” I pull my coat on, and the cold air hits me hard. It’s a chilly morning in Seattle, and I’m so looking forward to warmer weather. I check the time. My appointment is at nine, and as much as I don’t want to go, I have to. I promised Ben I would talk about things after he was gone and take care of myself. So I should be right on time. As I drive, I reach for my coffee and realize that I forgot it at the house. Instead of going back home, I stop at the local Starbucks. The drive-through line is wrapped around the building as always. Everyone in Seattle needs their fix on this chilly morning, so I head inside, and the noise immediately rings in my ears. It’s loud with all the employees yelling orders over the screaming of milk frothing and groups of people chatting. Looking up at the menu like I’m trying to decide what to get, I chuckle to myself and know Ben would laugh too. He always used to tease me and say, “Why do you even look? You know what you’re going to order.” I always get the same thing…and then Ben’s Chai Tea Latte stares back at me from the menu. God, I miss him. I can remember coming here so many times together, and the sudden reminder is a hard blow deep inside my gut. All the air is stripped from my lungs, and I struggle to stand. It’s not like I’d forgotten he was gone, but lately, there have been brief periods of time that pass where the pain lessens until I’m reminded again, and it’s just as strong, the way it was a year ago. “Hi, welcome to Starbucks,” a young barista says, “What can I get you?” “Uh…I’ll have a grande coffee.” “Any room for cream?” “Yes, please.” “Anything else?” “No, that’s all.” “That’ll be two dollars and seventy-three cents.” The baristas pour my coffee, and I reach for my purse, but somehow don’t have it. Searching all of my coat pockets for any form of payment as the employee stares, I’m so embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I forgot my wallet.” Then out of the blue, a guy ordering at the register next to me, says, “I can pay for hers.” “Oh, no, you don’t have to do that,” I tell him. “It’s a few bucks, not a big deal.” “Are you sure? I…I can pay you back.” “No, pay it forward, buy someone else a cup of coffee another time.” The barista tells the other worker to add my coffee under his order, and then I take my cup, feeling guilty for letting a complete stranger pay for me. I’ve been such an airhead since Ben’s been gone. Plus, people don’t do nice things for each other anymore—they just don’t, as sad as it is. The guy pays, and I wait for him to finish, feeling like I have to thank him once again. He takes his receipt and then looks down at me, his greenish-brown eyes glimmering in the low lights of the coffee shop as we walk to the end of the line together. “Thank you again,” I tell him. “You really didn’t have to do that.” “Sure I did. If I didn’t, then you wouldn’t have a coffee. And that would be a shame.” He smiles, and I study his face, feeling like I’ve seen him before. There is something about him that is so familiar. I pop the top on my coffee adding cream and sugar, and the worker calls out, “Chai tea latte for Thane?” I glance over to see him take the drink into his hand. He winks at me, waiting for me to finish, and I place the lid back on my cup, looking away quickly. What are the odds that he’d order just what Ben would’ve? “Thanks again, Thane,” I say, having heard his name from the barista. “Of course. By the way, what’s your name?”

“Faye.” We shake hands, and he holds my hand for longer than any stranger ever has or probably should. “That’s a beautiful name.” I smile, and he opens the door as we walk out together, neither saying anything else. But between us, there is a pull, a connection of sorts, and I have no clue why. It’s like Thane has awoken something inside of me that has been asleep for a long time now, and it scares me. I spend every waking moment grieving for Ben. I shouldn’t be feeling this way—it feels like a betrayal—but I can’t stop it.

Chapter 2 Thane It’s been three days, and I still can’t shake Faye from my mind. I keep picturing her smile and how beautiful she was. For the first time in a long time, I felt a connection. There’s something about her that pulled me towards her, at how real and warm she was. It definitely has me wanting to know more about her. “Mrs. Leeper said we would find out what table we are sitting at tonight, Daddy,” my son, Jack, says to me. “Will it be for the whole year, buddy?” “I don’t know. But I really hope I get the red table.” “Yeah, why red?” I ask him as I pull into the parking lot of his school for back-to-school night. “‘Cause it’s the color of a fire truck, and when I grow up, I’mma be a fighter fire.” “It’s a firefighter, Jack.” “That’s what I said.” I put my SUV in park and open his rear door, helping his short little legs to the ground. “You sure you don’t want to be a pilot, like me?” “No way, too boring. Plus, I want a Dalmatian.” “I’ll get you a Dalmatian.” “No, you won’t, Mommy’s allergic.” I drop the subject, knowing he still struggles understanding that his mom and I are separated. As we walk into the school, Jack excitedly runs down the hallway. “Wait for me, buddy.” But I’m too late. He disappears into his classroom, and I follow in behind him. There are only a few parents here, and they all look my way, the usual stares that I’ve grown to ignore. I’m not sure why people always gawk at me. Maybe it’s because of my height, or my confidence, either way, it always happens. The teacher keeps talking to a couple of parents but waves. Then I spot Jack in his chair at the red table. I can tell it’s the red one because hanging down from the ceiling is a big red laminated square. Pulling a chair up to sit next to him, Jack is talking to another boy, and I recognize the other parent instantly. It’s Faye, the woman from the coffee shop. She is reading some papers that are on the kids’ table, and I have to give myself a moment to gather my thoughts. She’s even more beautiful than I remembered. Leaning over close to her ear, I whisper as I breathe her in, “Did you ever buy someone a cup of coffee?” She jumps a little, clearly startled, and looks at me wide-eyed like I pulled her out of a deep daydream. But fuck she smells good. All the blood rushes to my balls, and shyly she shakes her head. “It’s Faye, right?” I ask her, playing like she isn’t all I’ve thought about for the better part of the last three days. “Yeah.” “You know…you could always buy me that coffee?” I tease her, and she grabs her purse digging through it before she pulls out a five-dollar bill and tries to hand it to me. “Here, let me just pay you back.” Wow, that’s the last thing I expected her to do. Am I that appalling to her? “No way. That wasn’t part of the deal.”

“Please take it,” she says. There is a deep burden of pain etched within her eyes, that’s clear to me now. I didn’t notice it the other day. Something has happened to her, and it sends a spasm of guilt rocking through me. What could have been so terrible, to make her this way? Jesus, I shouldn’t have messed with her like that. “I’m not taking it, plus your coffee was only two bucks.” She’s still holding the five, and I push her hand back to her, noticing that her eyes have a hard time holding mine. The classroom has since filled in with other parents, and Faye reluctantly places her five dollars back into her purse. “Are you sure?” she asks, her voice so fucking sexy as she basically whispers. “Yes!” “Thank you all for coming tonight,” Mrs. Leeper says, and all of our attention is drawn to the front of the classroom. Checking my watch, it’s ten after the hour and Char is still not here. Of course, she’s late— the woman can’t make it to anything on time, ever. She was late to our own wedding and has been late to every meeting we’ve had regarding the divorce. I would bet my last dollar that she’s out shopping and lost track of time. As the teacher speaks, I watch Jack and his friend, goofing off together. The two remind me of how I was when I was a kid. I couldn’t concentrate to save my life, and it got me in a whole lot of trouble. But, ultimately, I turned out just fine. Then I glance at Faye, and as I’m taking in her beauty, the classroom door opens and in barrels Char. All eyes are on her as she interrupts the class, and she doesn’t say sorry or anything. “Mommy!” Jack exclaims and runs over to her. Faye looks at me a little confused and probably because she thinks I’m coming on to her as a married man, but it’s the complete opposite. Char and I have been separated for over a year now. Char looks down at the close distance between Faye and I, which I honestly didn’t notice until now, and she grabs a chair, glaring as she huffs, then rudely says, “Excuse me,” to Faye, causing her to scoot over so Char can sit between the two of us. “Seriously?” I scold her, like she has any fucking right. But Char sits there ignoring me, acting like Faye did something wrong. As I glare at her, agitated, she flips through the papers that are on Jack’s desk and then hands them to me. I just set them down, completely pissed that she is being such a fucking cunt. “Why are you late?” I whisper, pissed off, not able to control the anger she brings out of me. It pisses me off that she can’t seem to pull her shit together, even for Jack. But she doesn’t answer me, and I know now is not the time to get into things with her. Char can push my buttons better than anyone, and I know if I don’t keep in control, I’ll end up looking like the asshole. The teacher ends her talk, playing a short slide show letting us all know what we are in for this year. Which isn’t much—it’s first grade. “That concludes my presentation. Parents, please make sure you stop by the stations around the classroom to sign up for volunteering and to see how your child’s day will run. And please feel free to ask me any questions.” Char gets up and goes over to Jack, talking to him at eye level. There is a tag sticking out the back of Char’s jacket, and it makes sense why she was late. She was shopping, as I suspected, and in such a hurry to wear her new purchase that she couldn’t even remove the God damn tag. Faye and her son begin to make their way around the room. And I can’t help watching her, but Char ruins that too. “Isn’t that right, Thane?” she interrupts my fantasizing, and I get up, ignoring her. It really pisses me off that she just rolls in here late, acting like she has some claim over me. The fucking woman

is exhausting. If I didn’t have my son with her, I’d leave the fucking country, that’s how much I hate her. Then without another word, she walks out, and I let out the deep breath of air I’ve been holding since she barged in here. “Come on, Daddy,” Jack says and drags me to where Faye is. Obviously, the two boys are friends and have a connection. “I’m sorry about that,” I tell Faye. “It’s all right. I didn’t know you’re married.” “I’m not. I’m most definitely not.” I make that very clear. “I mean, I am. But we’ve been separated for a year now, and the divorce is almost final.” “It’s okay; you don’t need to explain anything to me.” I run my hand through my hair feeling like a fucking shmuck and pick up the clipboard in front of me, filling out my name for some sort of volunteering. “Can Jack come over and have a play date, please?” Faye’s son begs her, and I look to see the two boys staring at her with pleading eyes. She looks at me for approval, and I nod. “Sure, Braxley,” she tells him. The boys immediately start to talk about what they want to do at the play date, and I write my number on a flyer from one of the tables. “Here, so you can call me for the play date and possibly a cup of coffee,” I try again. But she rolls her eyes taking my number from me. Our hands touch when the piece of paper passes between the two of us. The warmth of her skin has me immediately wanting more. “I’m not buying you coffee. That wasn’t part of the deal, remember?” she says, using my own words back on me. “Fair enough,” I tell her, and for a woman I barely know, I can’t wait for the play date, maybe even more so than the boys.

Chapter 3 Faye “You look pretty, Mommy,” Braxley tells me, and I look at my reflection in the mirror. My lips are plump with a thin coat of gloss over them, and my exhausted eyes look deceivingly alive from all the makeup that I’ve applied. Then the doorbell rings and my heart thuds the way it used to when Ben was here, and suddenly, I question everything. What am I thinking, getting all dressed up for a play date? I’m a widow and grieving. I am in no shape to be— “Come on!” Braxley drags me by my arm to the front of the house, and I feel like I’m about to hyperventilate. Then he lets go of me and looks out the glass on the side of the door and says, “It’s them, open it, Mommy, open it.” Proceeding onward, for my son, I let all of my worries go. I know how much this play date means to him. Plus, I’m sure Thane is just going to drop his son off and then go on his own way. But as I open the door, both of his hands are full of bags, one with what looks like food and the other with his son’s toys sticking out of the top. And I have a feeling he’s going to stay. “Hey guys.” I put on a fake smile and welcome them inside. “I hope you’re hungry,” Thane says. “We were starving, so I brought lunch.” “Yeah, we can eat, right, Braxley?” But the boys are already off and in his room. I close the front door and remember to let all my worries go. I’m doing this for Braxley. “Here, let me take the food,” I tell him, and he hands me the bag, which I take into the kitchen. I glance over at Thane as he is looking around the inside of my home curiously. “Where are the boys?” he asks me still holding the bag of toys. “Oh, I’ll take it to them.” “It’s heavy; I’ll do it.” I direct him down the hall where the kids are playing on the floor in Braxley’s room, and he sets the bag down. “Do you guys need anything?” I ask them, keeping myself calm with Thane standing so close to me. “Nope.” I turn and about run into Thane who smiles as we walk out together, leaving the two kids alone. Back in the kitchen, my palms are sweaty, and I find myself a little nervous. He begins to take the food out of the bag, and I automatically open a bottle of wine to calm my nerves. “Do you want a glass?” I ask him. “Yeah, sure.” He chuckles, and I know it’s because it’s the middle of the afternoon and I’m drinking, but I need it. “I texted you about lunch, but since I didn’t hear back, I just ordered a bunch of different things. I hope that’s okay.” “You texted me?” I ask him and reach for my phone in the back pocket of my jeans, but it’s not there. “Sorry, I don’t have it on me.” “No biggie.” I grab a few plates and swallow a bountiful amount of wine as I spot the kids’ meals. “Are these for the boys?”

“Yup.” “I’ll run these to them.” “‘Kay.” Walking down the hall with the two bags in my hand and a big smile on my face, I set them on the small table in Braxley’s room. “Here’s lunch, boys.” “Thanks, Mom.” Heading back into the kitchen, my heart is still racing, and part of me wants to lock myself in my bedroom. I could lie and say I’m not feeling well, but I have a feeling that Thane would just come in, so I remind myself this is just a play date. Like any other one Braxley has had where I hang out with the mom, this time…it’s just with a dad. A gorgeous dad that makes me think and feel things that are so wrong. Thane glances over at me from the bar and says, “I’m sorry again about my ex the other night, she can be a lot to handle.” “She looked like she was gonna pounce on me,” I tell him remembering the skinny blonde with giant tits who made it very clear she didn’t like how close Thane and I were to each other. “Char is a very different woman now compared to when we first met. I really don’t get her or the things she does. Looking back, I’m not sure why I put up with it for as long as I did.” “Were you together for long?” I ask, intrigued that he would say that about his own wife, or soon-to-be ex. “No, not long before she got pregnant and that’s really what spurred the marriage and for us to stay together for as long as we did. What about you, why are you divorced?” “Oh…I’m not,” I tell him, not sure how to say this. He observes me, completely surprised, and I don’t want him to get the wrong impression, so I just say it. “I’m a widow. My husband, Ben, passed away a little over a year ago.” “Oh, wow, Faye, I’m so sorry to hear that. I had no idea. I just noticed you didn’t have a ring.” Reaching beneath my t-shirt, I pull out the long chain that holds both my and Ben’s wedding rings on it. I know he feels bad, but the word “sorry” does nothing. For some reason as humans, we feel obligated to say it. “Here are our rings. Ben asked me to not wear my ring after he was gone. He didn’t want me to stand still in time, but even without this ring on my finger, time still stands still, because he’s not here.” I blink a few times, pushing away the tears and find myself back to the night I lost him, the image so vivid in my mind, but Thane pulls me back to the present, placing his hand over top of mine on the countertop. “He sounds like a very brave man. I don’t think I could do that.” “He was.” I let out an exhale and tell him, “I’m sorry,” not even sure why I feel so comfortable sharing so much with him. “No, don’t be sorry, that’s the last thing you should be.” “Thanks.” “Of course. So should we eat and talk about butterflies or something?” he asks with a smile. I nod, chuckling as I imagine butterflies floating all around, then look at the huge spread of food laid out in front of us. “Do you like Mediterranean food?” “I do, I love it.” We dig in, each filling our plates, and he asks me, “So do you work?” “Yes, I’m an artist. I’ve taken some time off, but am trying to get back into the swing of things.” “What kind of art do you do?” He keeps looking over at me as he talks, making my heart race even more. Watching the way he licks his lips, I tell him, “Panting. Shit, I’m sorry, I meant painting,” I tell him, looking away. But he doesn’t seem fazed by my blunder. “Can you make money at that?”

“Yeah, I do. I’ve been doing it for years now and have a lot of galleries that sell my work.” “You have any here?” Finishing my glass of wine, the alcohol seems to make me more settled and more okay with things. “Mmhmm. I’ll show you when we’re finished eating.” I get off my chair and grab more wine, refilling our glasses. After we’re done eating, I ask him, “Ready?” and lead him into my studio. There are paintings all around on the walls, from floor to ceiling. There are some that are my favorites that I just can’t part with. “Wow!” Thane exclaims, taking everything in and then he stops in front of one of Ben sleeping. He swallows and crosses his arms, observing the piece. “Ben would never sit still long enough for me to paint him and then when we were waiting for the news of his test results, he was already so tired before we knew. And I feared it would come back positive—I think deep down we both knew he was sick. I prayed for it to be negative, but I couldn’t sleep or do anything except worry. I knew if he had cancer, our life would never be the same, even if he got through it, so I painted him sleeping, as a reminder of how he was in that moment. As the sun capped the morning sky, I finished the painting, and he woke to the phone call we’d been dreading.” “Jesus, Faye…I…I don’t even know what to say.” “You don’t need to say anything; I don’t know why I’m even telling you all of this.” I clam up and feel completely stupid for spilling my feelings to him. “Don’t stop talking,” he encourages me, and I stare at the floor as I say to him, “One month after I painted this picture, Ben passed away.”

Chapter 4 Thane Faye is quite possibly the strongest woman I’ve ever met. Had I been through a quarter of the shit she has, I’d be in a fuckin’ mental institution. But Faye, she finds positivity in life. The darkest of things she pulls out of, and I admire that. I really do. “Daddy, can I stay the night here?” Jack asks me running down the hallway. “Oh, buddy, I don’t think so.” “Please!” he begs. “You don’t have any clothes here or your toothbrush, maybe next time.” He nods listening to me, right as Braxley yells, “The movie is starting.” And he runs off down the hall, leaving me chuckling. “Sometimes, I wonder what goes through their little minds,” I tell Faye as she yawns next to me as we both are sitting on the couch. I check the time, it’s late, we’ve been here all day, and I have to get going, but part of me doesn’t want to. “We should go.” “Yeah,” she agrees, and as we stand I just want to kiss her gorgeous lips, but knowing about her past has me hesitant. I don’t want to push her. “Thank you for hanging out today and for letting Jack come over,” I tell her, and before she can answer, I pull her into a tight hug and to my surprise, she clings to me. As I hold her back, I battle with my cock to keep it down. It wants her in every way imaginable. “Thank you for lunch and for just…listening. I hope you don’t think I’m crazy.” I kiss the top of her hair, smelling her sweetness, so fresh like a summer’s rain. “‘Crazy’ is the last word I would use to describe you. You’re strong, Faye.” Then I let her go, and together we head towards the boys who are both lying on the floor of Braxley’s room, watching their movie. “What are you guys watching’?” Faye asks them. “The new Lego Movie.” “Well, we gotta get going, Jack.” “No, please let me finish the movie.” Which Faye pauses. “It’s late, buddy. We’ll have another play date here soon.” “Please, Daddy, I’ve never seen this movie before?” Their little eyebrows push together as they both give us that look begging, and I look at Faye who can’t say no to them either, “Are you boys hungry for dinner?” she asks. “Yes,” they chant in sync. “I can order pizza,” I offer, feeling bad that we’ve stayed at her house all day. “No, you don’t have to do that. You already bought lunch.” “Please, it’s not a big deal. Brax, what kind of pizza do you like, sport?” “Pepperoni.” “All right. Jack, you still want double cheese?” “Uh huh.” “What do you like, Faye?” “Oh, I don’t care. I’m sure two pizzas is enough for the four of us.”

“Just tell me what kind you like!” I order her, and she shakes her head, not giving in. “Hey, Brax,” I kneel down. “What kind of pizza does your mommy like?” He gives me a grin showing off his missing front tooth and responds, “She loves vegetables pizza.” “All right, vegetables pizza it is.” She rolls her eyes at me, and I pull out my phone to place the order. She un-pauses their movie, and I follow her back into the kitchen. “I can pay,” she offers, and I give her a playful glare from across the room, which she clearly understands is me not accepting her offer. Going into my text messages, I pull up her address and complete the order online. And as I finish, she passes me another glass of wine. “I shouldn’t,” I tell her, “I’ll have to drive home soon.” “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.” “It’s okay, don’t be sorry…ever.” I follow her into the living room, and she sits back on the couch. I sit next to her, and my eyes follow hers as she gazes out into the water of the pool. “You okay?” I ask as she’s suddenly become quiet. “Yeah, I am. So you never told me what you do for a living.” “Ahh, I didn’t, did I? I’m a pilot.” “Really, what kind?” “I work for a commercial airline, but I do contract out and take private flights for extra money from time to time.” “Wow, so you like fly the plane?” “Yeah,” I chuckle at the obviousness of her comment wanting to tease her so bad. “I mean, with technology nowadays it’s more like babysitting the plane, but I’m in charge. The takeoffs and landings are all a manual process, and getting from one place to another safely is my job.” “Do you like it?” she asks me, intrigued, and for once it’s nice to meet someone who is genuinely interested in what I do and not just my looks. “I do, I love it, there is nothing like the feeling of being in the open sky.” Faye’s glass is almost empty. I get up, grabbing the bottle of wine and topping it off. She smiles at the gesture and says, “Thanks. Is being a pilot sometimes hard on the home life?” “The long days and traveling can take their toll on relationships. That’s why I started to contract out for private flights. They are shorter and quick money. I’m just at a place in life where I want more time with Jack, and if I meet someone new, I will be around more.” “I’m sorry you’re going through that,” Faye tells me. “Don’t be; I’m happier than ever without that kook.” “But she is the mother of your child.” “She is, and she has her moments, but even the judge can see Jack is better off with me. He granted me primary custody, which she’s fighting for and stalling the divorce over it.” “What are you gonna do?” “Pray she’ll make a change, but until then…keep fighting her. I have to do what I believe is best for Jack.” And the truth is, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Char is putting me in a very bad situation with wanting primary custody, and it’s not that I don’t want to compromise and give her joint custody, but she’s got to take care of herself first and learn to be financially responsible. There is no way I will lose Jack to her, or I’ll lose my mind. He’s everything to me. ***

“Flight attendants, please prepare for landing,” I announce over the intercom of the plane. We are making our final descent into Dallas after a full day of flying, and my co-pilot, Elliot, says to me, “Captain, we are clear for landing, autopilot is now off.” “Ten-four. DFW control tower, this is American 1472, we are six thousand and approaching,” I radio in for clearance to land. “American 1472, you are clear for runway 177, alpha center.” Slowly I bring the plane down from the sky and find my mind is on Faye. I can’t shake her from my thoughts, no matter what I do. Especially now since we hung out, she’s all I think about. The plane gets lower and lower, and I hold on to the controls until the wheels smoothly touch the ground. I ignite the brakes, and we slow from two hundred miles per hour to ten. “American 1472, you are clear for gate seven,” the control tower says. “Ten-four, American 1472 will head towards gate seven.” “Echo Helo, cross 177 to the right,” they direct me, and I ask Elliot “Left, right, clear to cross?” “Left clear, right clear,” he affirms, and we cross to the other side of the runway, then make our way to gate seven, following the person directing us on the tarmac. As I bring the plane to our final stop, Elliott thanks the passengers for flying. Then I turn my cell phone off airplane mode. Right away, a text comes through from Char, Did you get a chance to review the new custody agreement I sent you? Oh, I received it, and she is out of her fuckin’ mind if she thinks that I’m going to give her primary custody and she knows why. I don’t even know why she would think it’s an option. Have you found a rehab to help with your shopping problem? I text her back, and I know she won’t respond, because she doesn’t think she has a problem, but she does. Her compulsive shopping led to our divorce. The lies and debt were through the roof, one step from forcing us both into bankruptcy, and the judge saw it too when I turned over our bank statements. I won’t have Jack spending the majority of his time sitting in a dressing room, zoned out on some sort of electronic device while she carts him around like he’s a toy and digs us into a financial hole we can’t get out of. It’s his future too. Going back into my text messages, I see the one I typed to Faye while we were flying today. I snapped a picture of the sunset which reminded me of one of her paintings. Pressing send, I think to myself how much it sucks what she’s been through. A woman like her deserves the world, not the shitty hand of cards she’s been dealt.

Chapter 5 Faye Looking down at the text Thane sent earlier as I compare it to a painting in my studio, he’s right. It does look just like the picture. Texting him back, I respond, You’ve got a good eye and send a picture of the painting to him. “Braxley, it’s time to get in the shower,” I holler. “‘Kay, Mommy,” he responds, and I start the water for him as he undresses and then hops in. “Can you get my race car pajamas?” “Sure, I think they’re in the dryer, I’ll grab them now. You be safe, no jumping around. Stay on your rubber mat and wash yourself really well, okay?” “Mmhmm,” he smiles back at me as I peek at him through the curtain. His grin missing that one front tooth melts my heart. Racing downstairs and into the garage where my washer and dryer are, I notice the garage door is still open. I press the button to close it, but nothing happens. Looking at the sensors, both are clear, and I try again, but still nothing. Taking the remote from the car, it won’t work either. Frustrated that another thing in this house is broken, I grab Braxley’s PJ’s and dial my dad as I head back into the bathroom. “You good, buddy?” I ask him. “Yup.” My dad doesn’t answer, and as I go to leave him a message, his voicemail reminds me that he’s traveling, which I totally forgot about. I hang up and ask Braxley, “Did you close the garage when we got home tonight?” “I pushed the button, Mommy, just like you told me to.” He finishes his shower, and I help him dry off and get dressed. “Brush your teeth, and I’ll meet you in your room.” Going back into the garage to try and get it closed again, I press the button, and nothing happens. I begin to get aggravated and slam my hand against the button on the wall, but still nothing. Looking at the… whatever it’s called on the ceiling; I think Ben once told me there is a rope I can pull to close it. But all I see it a two-inch frayed string. My phone vibrates, and I see a message from Thane, Could I buy that picture from you? How about you fix my garage door and I’ll give it to you for payment? Is it broken? Yeah, it won’t shut, and I don’t know what to do. Can you pull on the red rope? I snap a picture of the remaining rope and send it to him, just as Braxley peeks his head out of the doorway. “All done, Mommy.” “Okay, baby.” Leaving the garage open, I head inside and tuck Braxley into bed. He hands me a story to read him that he picked out, and I scoot in close. I can come by now Thane texts me. Thanks, just come in, I’m putting Braxley down. “All right, you ready?” He nuzzles against me. His short hair is already dry, and I hold him tightly, loving our story time so much. This is where we get lost in magical worlds, and for a brief moment, that pain of our past washes

away. I imagine Ben, sitting on the floor listening to us, just like he used to, and I find peace in hoping that he still does. “There once was a fierce orange dragon, who lived deep in the forests of India.” I use my best narrator voice as I tell him the story. Braxley stares at the pictures as I read. “He was like no other dragon in the world…he was special and had magical powers. But his powers made the other animals scared of him, so he lived all alone and only went out early in the morning before the other animals awoke and the nocturnal animals were asleep.” “What does nocturnal mean?” “It’s someone who stays up all night.” “Like you, you’re nocturnal, Mommy?” “No, Mommy isn’t. I just have a hard time sleeping. Nocturnal are animals who sleep all day and are awake all night.” “Like bats?” “Yes, like bats,” I say, and he gives me a long yawn. I continue on with the story and make it through only a couple more pages before he’s out. Closing the book, I watch the tiny breaths reel out of him and kiss the top of his head. I’m so thankful that I have him. If I didn’t, I don’t know what I’d do with myself. Quietly, I slip out of his room, and as I enter the kitchen, there is a glass of wine sitting on the counter for me. God, Thane is such a good man. Picking it up, I head into the garage where I find him on a ladder, messing with the motor—that’s what it’s called—to the garage door. I take a sip admiring him for a second. Looking at him up there reminds me of Ben. “So you gonna be able to fix it?” “Hell yeah, I will,” he responds confidently. “I see you found your wine.” “I did. Thank you for pouring me a glass, that was very kind of you.” “I try,” he smirks down at me, and as he fidgets with the wiring, I find my eyes scanning his body—his perfectly sculpted abs are peeking at me from beneath his shirt that is lifted from his arms being above his head. “Thanks for coming over.” “Of course. Did you get Brax down okay?” “I did. I didn’t even make it through the whole story.” “What did you read to him?” “Oranges The Magical Dragon.” “Oh, Jack loves that one, especially at the end when Oranges saves the forest.” “Well, I didn’t finish it, thanks for ruining it for me.” “Damn, sorry.” “I’m only kidding. So you worked today?” “I did, I was in five states. On the ground, that is.” “Wow, busy day.” “It was.” “Where’s Jack?” “With Char, hopefully asleep.” “Why do you say that?” “She doesn’t have a lot of structure when she has him. He runs the show if you know what I mean.” “That’s gotta be hard.” “Not harder than what you’ve gone through. How are you holding up?” he asks me. And I’m not sure

how to answer him. I have my moments. The pain comes and goes, but I don’t always want it to be about me and what I’ve been through. “I’m okay. I started a new painting today.” “Yeah, what of?” “I’ll show you, and you can tell me what you see.” “Will you push the button?” he asks me, and I try, but nothing happens. “I hate to say it, but I think your motor is fried.” “Are you serious?” “Yeah, notice how the light here won’t turn on anymore?” “So what, it worked to open when we got home and then just died?” “I think so. But a new one’s only a couple hundred dollars, and I can put it in for you tomorrow.” “Okay,” I tell him. “Do you want to back your car into the driveway and I’ll manually close the door?” “Sure.” Grabbing my keys, I back my car out, and then he closes the door, his arms flexing as he maneuvers it down, and then he latches it locked before we head inside. “Do you want a glass?” I offer him, as I top mine off. “Sure.” “Thanks for trying to fix the garage door.” “I don’t mind at all,” he steps in front of me, and I swallow, the closeness of his body to mine has my heart racing, and I have to stop it. “Wanna see the painting?” I ask. “Absolutely.” We head into my studio and on the easel is the new painting. Thane’s eyes are drawn to it right away, and he keeps walking closer and closer until finally, he sits down on the stool I spent the day on creating it as I let all of my pain out while I painted. His glass of wine hangs in his hand, dangling over the wood floor and he’s lost in the colors, the same way I felt painting it—so lost. “Did you do all this today?” “Yeah, I couldn’t stop once I started.” “God, it’s beautiful, Faye.” He touches the canvas, feeling the dry paint beneath his large fingertips, and I stand behind him, breathing him in. Closing my eyes, I let myself relish this moment. I’m not sure why when I’m around Thane, he makes me feel so turned on, but he really does. “Are you going to sell it?” he asks me, pulling me back to reality. “Maybe, what do you see when you look at it?” “I think it’s the most breathtakingly painful and beautiful painting I’ve ever seen.” Studying the mixture of paints and how they bleed together, painting a vision of what one could describe as heaven and someone else might see as hell, I lose my breath, and suddenly Thane has me in his arms. I cling to him as if he is the answer to my problems. Leaning into his touch as he cups my face, I can feel Ben urging me for some strange reason, telling me that it’s okay. But I don’t feel like this is okay, not at all. Thane holds me, not giving me an inch of wiggle room, and his breath is heady against my lips. Then slowly he brings his lips to mine and our mouths mold together. A blazing connection ignites, so hot my soul burns. He’s tender kissing me, gentle like he doesn’t want to hurt me, and the gesture reminds me of how much pain I’ve been through. How hurt I still am. I pull away from him and second-guess everything. That connection to Ben is suddenly gone, Ben is not here, and Ben would not be okay with this. This is

another man and what I am doing is betraying my husband. “I’m sorry, I can’t, I’m not ready,” I tell him. The expression across his face is wounded. I’ve hurt him, and it’s the last thing I wanted to do. But…I’m just not ready. “It’s okay; I shouldn’t have done that without asking you first. I…I don’t know why I did it. I lost control of my actions. I’m very sorry.” “You should go,” I tell him, tears burning the back of my eyes and he nods setting his glass down on the table by the door. Before walking away from me, he kisses the top of my hair, and the simple gesture makes everything that much worse. With my back against the wall, I slide to the floor, hugging my knees, disgust running through my veins. What have I done? What am I thinking? Looking at my empty glass, I want to blame it on the liquor, but I know that two glasses of wine are not what caused me to give in to him. I did this on my own and can only be mad at myself, not Thane. I asked him to fix my garage door when I could’ve called a company or asked my neighbor to take a look at it. But I didn’t. For some reason, I let myself get lost in the connection we have. That pull towards Ben made feel like he was giving me his blessing when really it was all in my mind. Because he’s fucking dead—gone— never coming back to me. There is nothing or no one that is going to bring him back no matter what.

Chapter 6 Thane I call Char again, hoping she answers this time so I can say goodnight to Jack, but she doesn’t, and I’m beginning to get pissed. I haven’t talked to him in two days. Grabbing a beer from the fridge, I remind myself that even though Char is ditzy and a shopaholic, she always has Jack’s best interests in mind. Sitting on my couch, I turn on the TV to distract myself from my running mind, but can’t stop worrying. So I try and think about something else, anything except for worrying, and I’m taken back to the way Faye’s lips felt against mine, and how the instant I kissed her, my cock became rock hard. And it’s not just that I want her sexually, but I care about her. I want to make sure she’s okay, more than I have for anyone in a long time. But…she is unavailable. Finally my phone rings. Thank God! It’s Char’s number, but I know it’s Jack. She doesn’t call me anymore, only texts me. “Hey, buddy,” I answer, happy to be able to finally talk to him. “Thane,” Char says, alarm laced within her tone. “What the fuck happened?” I immediately ask, knowing that if she’s calling me something’s wrong. “It’s Jack,” she says through a sob, and I shoot off the couch grabbing my car keys as I bolt out of my house. “What happened?” I yell at her again. “I don’t know…I don’t know how it happened.” Anger and fear consume me. My hands are shaking as I try and stick the key into my ignition. “Where are you?” “North Puget Hospital.” Hearing that’s where they are makes my head spin, and I peel out of the driveway, racing across town. “Is he okay?” “I’m not sure,” she sobs, “He’s…in…surgery.” “Oh fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” My vision becomes blurry as I slam the gas pedal down, needing to get to my little boy. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, and she should be sorry. Hell, she should be more than sorry. This is her fault; this is on her. “Surgery!?” I question her, needing to know why and how. “Uh huh.” “How?” My voice is harsh—angry. “He cut his hand, making a sandwich.” “Jesus Christ, Charlene. What was he doing make himself food? He’s only six fucking years old.” “I know, I’m sorry, we were out all day. We’d just gotten home, and I was taking my bags to my room and trying things on when it happened.” “See, this is exactly why he belongs with me. You had him out shopping again, and you told me you wouldn’t be!” She doesn’t respond, and I know that’s why, even if she doesn’t admit to it. “Jesus Christ, he’s a little boy, how many times do I have to tell you he doesn’t deserve to spend all his time with his mom at the mall.” “I know, it won’t happen again.”

“You’re damn straight it won’t, ‘cause I’m going to petition the court for full custody.” “No,” she wails. “Yes, I am. This is all on you. I don’t know what’s gonna have to happen to make it clear to you that you have to put him first and stop shopping. It takes over, and you neglect him. If you don’t see now that you have a problem and need help, I don’t know what it’s gonna take. Jack needs to be first in your mind.” Pulling into the hospital parking lot, I hang up on her. My blood is pumping as I grip my steering wheel and slam my SUV into park. I rush inside the ER and spot Char standing against one of the walls, chewing on her fingernail, and it takes every bit of restraint inside of me to not lay into her even more. Walking up to the desk where an older gentleman looks up at me through a pair of wire-rimmed glasses he asks me, “How can I help you?” “My son, Jack Stovich, was just brought in here.” “Do you have any identification, sir?” Pulling out my ID, I hand it to the man as Char comes and stands next to me. “Looks like he’s in surgery. If you want to have a seat, the doctor should be out shortly to speak with you.” “Is he okay?” I ask, still not even knowing what the fuck really happened. “I’m sorry, sir, you’ll have to speak with the doctor.” Glaring down at Char as I take a seat in the desolate waiting room, she sits in the chair next to me, tears streaming down her face, and I know she feels bad. But I can’t console her right now. She’s responsible for this. Sitting in silence for what feels like an eternity, we wait for an update, and finally a doctor comes out, “Stovich?” she calls out, and we both hop to our feet as the doctor approaches us. “How is he?” I ask. “He’s doing okay. He’s very, very lucky. The surgery went well, and I was able to repair the cut tendon in his right hand. Thankfully it was just nicked, so he shouldn’t have any issues with it after it heals.” “Shouldn’t?” I ask. “Yes, sir. These types of hand injuries can be touch and go. But I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. Jack is a brave boy, and as long as he keeps out of the kitchen, he should be just fine.” Char nods, and the doctor says, “He’s just waking up; do you guys want to see him?” “Please,” I practically beg the woman as we follow her back. Walking into the room, my heart breaks. Jack’s tiny body is so small lying in the large hospital bed. His eyes are closed, and I rush to his side, taking in the sight of his injured hand while gripping his other. Char stands opposite me and kisses his forehead, waking him up. His groggy eyes look up at her, and he gives her a smile. Seeing him awake and smiling makes me feel like everything is going to be okay. “How are you feeling, buddy?” I ask, and he turns his head focusing in on me. “Daddy. I’m tired.” “I’m sure you are, but you’re going to be okay.” “Am I still going to be able to be a fighter fire?” “Yeah, you’ll still be able to be a fighter fire.” He blinks heavily, and I pull the chair up, sitting down as I zone in on my little man. My pride and joy, my everything. Thank God he’s all right. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him…and I pray that I’ll never find out.

Chapter 7 Faye “Get your backpack on,” I tell Braxley as we get out of the car at his school. Glancing around, I find myself lately looking for Thane, and for the past few days, I haven’t seen him. But I guess that should come as a relief to me, not a bother. “Remember to ask Mrs. Leeper if you’ll have your spelling test this week.” “I will, Mommy.” As we begin to walk up to school, I hear someone call Braxley’s name from across the parking lot; it’s Jack and Thane. The boys run to each other as Thane, and I slowly make our way together. He’s got a tiny grin on his face as I study him and my thoughts are cut short when Braxley asks Jack, “Whoa, what happened to your arm?” I could say the same thing, glancing down at him. His hand is bandaged. “Oh my God, Thane, is he okay?” “Yeah, it really looks worse than it is.” “What happened to him?” “He was with Char and apparently he was trying to make himself a sandwich for dinner with a paring knife and sliced right down to the tendon.” My hand flies over my mouth visualizing poor Jack hurt like that. He must’ve been so terrified. I can’t imagine what they’ve been through or how scared Jack and Thane must have been. It has to be the worst feeling in the entire world. Wanting to do something to help, I can’t stop myself from wrapping my arms around Thane’s neck and hugging him. “I’m so sorry; you should’ve called me.” He holds my body close to his and says into my ear, “I wanted to, but I feel like an ass for the other day.” The bell rings, and the boys both look at us in shock. “Oh no, we’re late.” They dart off as their class has already entered the building, and we both wave, saying, “Bye,” in sync, but they don’t hear us. “Please don’t feel bad, I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.” “No, you should’ve. I crossed a line, and I’m sorry.” “Remember what you told me?” He looks at me a tad confused. “You told me to not be sorry for anything. You should do the same.” “Well, thanks.” “How about I get you that cup of coffee I owe you?” He agrees with a grin, and we head towards our cars. It feels really good to be around him again. “I’ll meet you there,” I holler and he winks. I pull out of the parking lot first, but Thane is close behind me, and what lately has been a huge battle in my mind, going back and forth about the feelings I’m having towards him, for some reason right now feels right. After I park my car at the Starbucks, I wait for Thane to park. Then he gets out and chuckles at me as I try and open the door to the cafe, stopping me, so I have to release the door and enter first. There is no one in line, and we both order our usual. But as I go to swipe my card, he hands the barista cash. “Are you serious?” I scold him. “What? You didn’t think I would really let you pay, did you?” He hands me my coffee, which I take out of his hand and very dryly respond, “Thank you,” with a smirk on my face.

“You should do that more often.” “What?” “Smirk like that.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.” “Chai Tea Latte, for Thane,” the barista calls out. He takes his drink, and we find a table by the fireplace. His phone buzzes, and he pulls it from his pocket glaring at the screen. He ignores the call, but his face tells me that he’s bothered by whoever it is. “Everything okay?” I ask him. “Yeah, it was my lawyer. I want to petition the court for full custody, and he told me to think on it before I jump that far. I already have primary custody, and since she let Jack get hurt, the judge will likely rule in my favor. Regardless, I can’t trust her with him, Faye. My gut is telling me to do it.” “I’m not defending her, Thane. But she is his mom and the only mom he’ll ever have.” “I know, and she also has a really bad shopping addiction that rules her life. To me, it’s no different than if she was an alcoholic. It’s caused us a lot of problems, and pretty much ruined our marriage. She needs help for it.” “Does she not want help?” “Now she does. But up until he hurt himself, she’s fought me on it, acted like nothing was wrong with her. But when she has Jack, her mind is preoccupied, and she just carts him around from store to store and isn’t a good mom. They had been out all day when he got hurt. The poor kid was fucking starving and trying to make himself a sandwich for dinner when he cut his hand.” “I think you gotta put Jack first, Thane.” “I do…I always do.” “Then if she is agreeing to get help, start there and see it through. But don’t jump to conclusions and take away all of her rights. Look at Braxley, he’ll never see his dad again, and one day that’s gonna really affect him, but I don’t have a choice in the matter. You…you have a choice.” He looks at me and slowly nods, his eyes are as clear as day. His stare flips and turns my stomach, and I find us drawing closer and closer together. Then his phone buzzes again interrupting our moment and I back away. Frustrated, he rubs the back of his neck. “So, you really think I should give her a chance, even after he got hurt?” “If she will get the help she needs…then I’d say yes. Children are always a parent’s number one priority, but when someone like Char has a problem, their priorities can get clouded. Show her that so she can get the help she needs to fix it. I really think you’ll thank yourself down the line.” “Jesus, you make a lot of sense, Faye.” “I’ve been through a lot in life.” “Unfortunately, you have. How’s Braxley doing with things? I’ve never really asked.” “He’s okay. I think he’s at that age where he doesn’t really understand that Ben is really gone. You know?” Thane nods and places his hand over mine. I swallow, looking down at the gesture. “Do you and Jack want to come over and have dinner tonight?” I ask. “Yeah. I’d like that.” “Great.” He looks at me, his eyes are so consuming, and hidden deep within them is a resemblance of Ben, a resemblance I guess I’d overlooked until now. Maybe that’s why I feel so drawn to Thane in the first place because he does remind me so much of Ben. Staring back at him, I get lost, and as I close my eyes… I can feel Ben here with me.

*** “I hope you’re not bailing on dinner, ‘cause I just left the store,” I tell Thane as I answer his incoming phone call. “No way. But I kinda need a favor.” “Who ‘kinda’ needs a favor?” I tease him. “You either do, or you don’t.” “Fine, I do. This might sound a little crazy, but I just got a call to take a client to LA today, and with things the way they are between Char and I, I don’t want to call her. So, do you think you could pick Jack up from school if I’m late getting back?” “Of course I can, I don’t mind at all.” “Thank you, I’ll probably be back before he’s out, but just in case.” “It’s not a big deal. We are already having dinner together, so the boys will love it.” “Thanks. I’ll email Mrs. Leeper and let her know. Also, I meant to ask you earlier, did you ever get your garage door fixed?” “No, I’ve just been parking in the driveway.” “Okay. I’ll look at it again today. Sorry I dropped the ball.” “Thane, would you stop apologizing? My garage door is not your responsibility. I shouldn’t have asked you in the first place.” “I’ll stop apologizing, but I’m gonna look at it tonight.” “Fine.” “I’m gonna head to the airport. I’ll text you and let you know how things are going later on.” We hang up, and I love how easy it is to talk to him. We have our banter back and forth, and it’s all in good fun. He’s such a good guy, and I’m really looking forward to dinner. ‘Cause when I’m around him, the pain is less, which is a huge relief, and even though it’s only been a week, I’ve missed him.

Chapter 8 Thane “Daddy!” Jack exclaims as Faye calls me into her home after I knocked on the front door. “Hey, buddy, how was your day?” I ask him, giving him a hug. “It was so good. Mrs. Leeper let me be the line leader again ‘cause I can’t pass out papers with my hand.” “Ahh, that’s great, how’s it feeling?” “Good.” “Ready or not, here I come!” Braxley calls out from the other room, and Faye opens a lower cabinet in the kitchen gesturing Jack inside. He runs and climbs in. She closes the door, right as Braxley rounds the corner. “Where is he?” he asks us, and we both shake our heads like we have no idea. Braxley wanders off, and I can hear Jack giggling from the cabinet, so I know it won’t be long until he’s found. “Thanks for picking him up,” I tell Faye. “Are you kidding me? It made it easier than trying to break the two apart. They are practically joined at the hip.” “They really are.” “Found ya,” Braxley hollers, yanking open the cabinet, and Faye jumps out of the way, then they run out of the kitchen together. “How was your flight?” she asks me. “It was good, smooth—quick—the way I like to fly.” “I don’t know how you do it,” she tells me. “Do what?” “Fly for a living.” “What do you mean?” I ask her, confused. “I don’t know what it is about flying, but I’m not a fan, and it’s not because of 9/11 or anything, I’ve been that way my entire life.” “Well, you’ve never flown with a capable captain then, have you?” I raise my eyebrows to her and watch the tint in her cheeks rise a pitch. She shakes her head then opens the oven and says, “Dinner should be ready soon.” “Can you come outside real quick? I bought you something today.” “Thane, what did you buy me? You don’t need to buy me anything.” “This I had to. I can’t wait to show you; it’s totally romantic.” “Hey boys, we’re gonna run out front real quick.” “Okay,” they call out together. “No playing with knives or anything,” I warn them, still leery from what happened to Jack. Walking out front, it’s starting to get warm and feels nice to not need a coat. I unlock my car and open the back. As she peeks inside, both sides of her mouth turn up into a huge smile. “You bought this today?” “Yeah, I had a couple hours to burn in Cali and thought, ‘I need to get that woman a new garage door opener.’” “It’s so sweet of you, but you gotta stop buying things for me.” “Would you stop it? I’ve bought you a few meals and some coffee. Plus, it’s the least I can do, you

saved my ass today.” Her hair blows in the wind, as a breeze rolls through. “Just accept it, would ya?” I tell her, as I take out the opener and we head back in. “All right! Thank you, it’s very sweet of you, Thane.” I smirk at her as we step foot back inside. The boys are still playing hide and seek. Braxley flies in front of us and hides in the same cabinet Jack did earlier. “You want a beer?” she asks me, and I nod. “How can I help you?” I ask her cracking my beer open on the side of her counter top. She’s laughs a little with a bottle opener in her hand, and I hand her my cap. “Really? My countertop?” “What? I didn’t hurt it.” “You know I used to think you were a gentleman.” I sip my beer leaning back, watching her, thinking about what she’d look like with no clothes on. My stare makes her nervous as her cheeks get red again, and she says to me, “Why don’t you take the salad from the fridge and get the boys?” “Sure thing,” I tell her, taking out the huge bowl of salad, setting it down, and calling the boys. It’s not but a minute later, and they fly into the dining room like it’s a race to see who can get to the table first, moving a million miles a minute and flopping into their seats at the table. “How do you guys have so much energy?” I ask them sitting down too. They both bounce in their chairs ignoring me, laughing, and I ask Faye, “Did you give them candy or something?” But she doesn’t respond, and as I look at her she’s motionless, her shoulders are slumped forward, and her head is in her hand. Something’s not right. “You okay?” I ask, getting up, and when she looks at me, tears are in her eyes. “What’s the matter?” I ask, grateful that the boys haven’t noticed she’s upset. But she doesn’t answer, she turns away from me, shutting down, and I don’t like it. At this point, I want her to know she can open up to me. I touch her shoulder, and she shakes her head, brushing me off, “It’s nothing.” “Faye, you can talk to me.” She wipes the tears from her eyes, but they won’t stop watering, and it kills me to see her upset. A moment ago everything was fine, and now she’s so upset, and that’s hard to handle. I grip her shoulders rubbing them gently. “It’s okay.” “I know…it’s…just…when I looked at you sitting there, in Ben’s chair, I…I saw him for a moment and…it fucked me up.” Hearing her confession comes as a shock, and I don’t quite know how to help her. “Maybe we should go,” I offer. The last thing I want to do is cause her any unwanted stress or for my presence to upset her. She swallows away the tears, wiping her eyes again. “No, please don’t leave. I don’t want to be alone.” “Are you sure?” She nods but still won’t look me in the eye. It’s like she’s embarrassed to be emotional in front of me “It’s okay to cry, Faye. You don’t always have to be so strong.” She smiles, finally bringing her eyes to mine and I can’t help it. Taking her body, I pull her into a tight hug, holding her closer and tighter to me than ever. She clings to me, and I let her just be because that’s what I want to show her, that she can be any way around me, and no matter what, I’m not going anywhere.

Chapter 9 Faye “They’re watching the Lego movie,” I tell Thane as I walk out into the garage. “Again?” he asks, from the top of the ladder installing my new garage door opener. “Yup, I don’t know how they can do that.” “What?” “Watch the same thing over and over again.” “Didn’t you used to do that when you were a kid?” he asks me. “No, we didn’t have TV, and my parents were super strict about that sort of stuff.” “So what did you do with your time?” “Just played outside with the other kids in the neighborhood.” “Really?” “Yeah.” He seems surprised, but when I was growing up, we were outside from sunup ‘til sundown. “My parents were totally different. They’re both free birds—we traveled a lot, and when we were home, we did whatever we wanted to,” he says. “So you have siblings?” I ask him. “One brother, you?” “No. I’m an only child. Do you want more kids?” I ask him for some strange reason, and quickly he answers, “Sure, why not. Don’t you?” “Oh, I don’t think so. I’m damaged enough, and just trying to keep my shit together for Braxley is next to impossible. I couldn’t imagine having a baby to take care of.” “You’re not damaged, Faye,” he tells me, looking over his shoulder as he climbs down the ladder. “Sure, I’m not.” I roll my eyes, pushing away the negative thoughts that creep into my head. He can say whatever he wants, but I’m a twenty-nine-year-old widow. He takes a sip of his beer and says to me, “Faye, I don’t think you realize just how strong of a woman you are. I was thinking about it the other day, if I’d been through a quarter of the shit you have, I’d honestly be in a mental institution.” “Thanks for saying that, but trust me, some days a straitjacket sounds better than just opening my eyes.” “Hey, at least it’s only some days,” he teases me, and I raise my glass to him, then sip my wine. “Wanna do the honors?” he asks, pointing to the wall. Reaching high above my head from the step I’m sitting on, I press the button on the wall. His eyes are on my body, electrifying my insides. The motor works quietly, and for the first time in days, my garage door opens. “You fixed it!” I cheer, and Thane gives me a satisfied nod. “Well, that only took, what…a week?” he grumbles. “Hey, it’s fixed. I’m not complaining one bit,” I tell him. “Thank you so much.” “Of course.” He hands me the new portable opener from his pocket and says, “This should work too.” I press the button on the remote he gave me to close the door and stop the cold air from rushing in. “So you gonna give me that painting now?” he asks, and I can’t believe he still wants it, but a deal is a deal. As we go back into the house, the warm air is soothing. I can hear the boys laughing at the movie from Braxley’s room, the noise so settling to me. “You really want it?”

“Well…I want the other one, but seeing as I don’t think you’re gonna give it up, I’ll take what I can get.” “What other one?” I ask as we step foot into my studio. “That one.” He points to the painting I did from the other day that is still on my easel. I haven’t found the time to come back in here since then and put the final touches on it. “I’d give it to you, but it’s not even finished.” “Then finish it.” He’s dead serious. “Right now?” “Sure.” I contemplate his offer. Looking at the painting, it doesn’t need much. I could do it right now. But I’m not sure that I want to let it go. It’s really so dark, but beautiful, a mixture of pain and pleasure. “You gonna watch me do this?” I ask, and he laughs at me, sipping his beer, “Hell, yeah I am.” He has a smirk on his face, and I sit down, taking in the painting as I imagine what I’m going to do to it. With Thane next to me, I’m feeling a bit nervous. I’ve always painted alone. Ben supported me painting but never watched me do it. Thane, on the other hand, is right behind me. I look back at him, the closeness consuming me. “I can’t work with you hovering over me.” He grabs a chair from the other side of the room, removing the painting from it and asks, “Can I set this here?” “Sure.” Then he sits down right next to me, just the way he did the night we saw each other at the boys’ school, our thighs almost brushing against each other’s. “Are there any colors you want in it?” I ask. “Whatever you want, you’re the artist.” “Oh please, a painting like this Braxley could do.” “No, he couldn’t. This is a masterpiece. Just paint already.” Bossy. Dipping my thin brush into the cup of water, I clean it. Then I fill my tray with a few colors, and as I hold on to it, I envision what I want the end picture to look like. Closing my eyes, I can see it clear as day. Sticking the tip of the wet brush in the water, I add some black and gently begin to add a thin vein through the picture, bringing depth and life to it that it was missing before. “Wow, that looks amazing,” Thane says. “It’s really easy. You wanna try?” “You sure?” he asks and sets his beer down, obviously excited. I get the brush ready and pass it to him. “Where should I start?” he asks me. “Wherever you want. Don’t push hard, though. Keep the brush away from the canvas and let the stream of the paint and water move you along.” He stares at my lips as I speak. The tension between us tonight is thick, and I don’t fight it. I let it just be. Then he looks away; his eyes are concentrating hard as his tongue is between his teeth. The brush is hovering over the paper, and I find myself getting lost in him. In the way, he moves the brush. In the way, his scent whips around me. In the way his lips have me wanting them. That pull and connection towards him tonight is so strong, stronger than it’s been since we met, and now I can see why he kissed me when he did, ‘cause right now I could kiss him. “How’d I do?” he asks, bringing me out of my daydream. “Good, really good.” Looking at the line he made on the canvas; it’s almost identical to mine. Both are parallel to one another. He has a steady hand; that is clear. “You’re a natural,” I tell him and find myself leaning in closer. Letting my emotions take over.

My palms are sweaty, and I lick my lips. Something is pushing me forward, telling me I should do this, then out of the blue, he touches the paintbrush to my nose, stopping me dead in my tracks. “Don’t do that.” “What?” I ask him confused, with a wet nose of paint. “Don’t come on to me like that. Last time this happened, it didn’t end well, and then we went a week without talking.” He’s giving me that look again, and I know he feels it too, but maybe he’s right. Maybe we shouldn’t do this. Wiping my nose dry, I look down at my black hand. The gob of paint he left is huge, and I can’t stop myself, I press it against his cheek. My small hand smears the color into his skin. The stubble of his face is under my fingertips as he looks at me with his mouth gaping open. “What was that for?” “For stopping me.” My heart is pounding, and he grabs both sides of my face, holding onto it hard, studying my eyes. My breathing is erratic as I wait for him to move in. Then as he slowly does, the door to the studio opens and Braxley is hunched over. Alarm consumes me. Thane lets me go, and I rush to Braxley’s side. “What’s the matter?” “I don’t feel good.” “What hurts?” I kneel in front of him, looking into his glazed red eyes. “My tummy.” “You feel like you’re gonna get sick?” He nods, and I turn to Thane, mouthing I’m sorry as I lead him out of the room. Feeling so bad for Braxley as I walk him into the bathroom, he slumps to the floor, his tiny body hugging the toilet, and as a mother in this moment I’m so helpless. I don’t want him to ever hurt; I want to take his pain away. The way he takes my pain.

Chapter 10 Thane “I don’t want to go, Daddy.” “I know you don’t, buddy,” I tell Jack as we head out of Faye’s home, “But Braxley isn’t feeling well. We gotta let him rest.” He yawns and holds on to my hand as we close the front door and walk to my car. I buckle him in and can tell he’s exhausted, which doesn’t surprise me. Those boys ran themselves ragged. Looking in the rearview mirror, his eyes are already closed. It won’t be long until he’s out. On the drive, I find myself thinking about Faye and the way she came on to me tonight. It was out of the blue. I had no idea she was ready to do anything, and I’m not complaining. I fucking want her bad, but I’m also hesitant. I’ve seen the way she’s freaked out when she goes to that dark place. Thinking about when things get more involved because they will, I’m stressed what’ll happen. Will she accept it and be okay with things, or will she shut down and push me away? Pulling into my driveway, I put the car in park and look back at Jack—he’s out cold. Walking to his door, I open it and then unbuckle him, lifting his small body into my arms. He’s limp in my hold. Taking him through the front door, and into his room, I pull back the covers and lay him down in his bed. He doesn’t move as I slip off his shoes, contemplating having him change into his pajamas, but I don’t. What’s it matter, really? As I cover him up, I’m startled by Char standing behind me. “Can I say goodnight to him?” she asks. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I whisper, pissed off. “I need to see him, Thane.” “He’s exhausted, let him sleep.” “Please?” she asks again, and I gesture her out of his room, so we don’t wake him up fighting. The poor kid has seen enough fighting between the two of us in his lifetime. “Please, Thane, don’t keep him from me.” “I’m not keeping him from you; you let him get hurt. You can’t just come into my home like this.” “I used to live here too,” she argues. “And then you left us, so this is no longer your home.” “Where have you guys been all day?” “Don’t worry about it. What we do is not your concern, Charlene. Now, you need to leave.” “Please, Thane,” she touches my arm and steps closer to me. I yank it away and tell her, “Now.” Tears pool in her eyes and she says to me, “He’s gonna hate you for this.” “For what? I haven’t done shit. You know, since he hurt himself, he hasn’t once asked about you. So if I were you, I’d get your shit together before it was too late and you ruin what little relationship you have left with him.” She tries to touch me again, and I yank away. Any feelings I had for Char are long gone. As she walks out of my house, I’m not surprised that she did something like this. Char is a spur-of-the-moment kind of woman. Just like our Vegas wedding—she got the idea and ran with it. Locking the door, I’m glad she left quietly, and Jack didn’t have to see us fight. With Char gone, I find my mind is immediately on Faye. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I text her, How’s Braxley? Then grab a beer and flop down on the couch, kicking my shoes off and lying back.

He just fell asleep. I think the poor guy was just exhausted. Jack, too. I’m sorry I tried to kiss you, she texts me, and as I stare at her words, they kinda piss me off. Dialing her number, it takes a few rings before she answers. In a shy tone, she says, “Hello?” “Are you really sorry?” I ask her, feeling a little wounded. She exhales into the phone, and I wait for her response. “I…I don’t know what I am, Thane.” “That’s okay with me, but I don’t want you having regrets.” “Can I tell you something?” she asks. “Of course.” “Sometimes…” she trails off, and I give her a minute, letting her tell me in her own time. “Sometimes, when we’re together, I can feel Ben…” “What do you mean?” I ask her, confused. “I don’t know; it sounds crazy to even say out loud.” “Nothing you say is crazy.” “It’s like I can feel him pushing me towards you.” “You can?” “Yeah, sort of.” “Is that a good thing?” “I think so. At times, I can feel him more than others, more than I have in the year he’s been gone. But it’s always like he’s giving me a feeling of reassurance when you’re around.” Hearing her tell me this is hard to comprehend. I haven’t lost someone so close. I’m not sure how to respond or how to process it. But what I do know is that Ben was her life. I can see the way her eyes light up when she remembers him, so if I can bring a sliver of that back to her, then it really isn’t such a bad thing. “Maybe Ben brought us together,” I tell her. “You think?” “Possibly, if you think about it. The boys have been in school together now for two years, and we’ve never run into each other until this year.” “I guess you could be right.” “Well, yeah, I always am,” I joke with her and she giggles. “So it doesn’t creep you out, what I told you?” “No way. I admire your strength and the way you say what you feel. Nothing you could do or say would creep me out. It’s not like you snuck into my house the way my ex did tonight to try and see Jack.” “What the hell? She was in your house?” “Yup, she said she’d been here all day too.” “Oh God, Thane, what did Jack say?” “He was sleeping, so he didn’t see her.” “Wow, that is straight crazy.” “Right? She needs the straitjacket.” I sip my beer and get lost in our conversation. Talking with Faye is easy. I’m hopeful that this is just the start of us moving past that barrier that was holding us back. When she was ready, I wasn’t, and when I was, she wasn’t.

Chapter 11 Faye “Thanks, Jan,” I tell my mother-in-law as I leave the house and head to therapy. “Of course, dear, we’ll see you soon.” Heading out, the sun is warm this morning. As I drive away from my house, I grab my coffee, and I’m reminded of the first time I met Thane. Who knew a trip to the local Starbucks could turn into what it has? The drive is short, and as I pull into the parking lot, I’m not dreading my appointment, like I usually do. “Morning,” I tell my psychologist’s receptionist, and she says, “Morning, you can go right in.” “Thanks.” I knock, and Dr. Brinkman looks up at me from her mahogany desk. “Hi, Faye, please come in.” Gently I shut the door and take my coat off, then sit on one of the open chairs. “How are you doing today?” she asks me. “I’m okay.” She gets up and sits across from me; her brown eyes are interested—studying me. “You look good, Faye.” “Thank you.” “Is there a reason?” she asks. “Not really,” I tell her, not knowing if I should talk to her about Thane. She looks down at her notes and then says to me, “Faye, I’ve been seeing you for a year now. During that time, I’ve watched you struggle to accept the reality that Ben is really gone, grieve and blame yourself, adjust to life the best you could without him, but as I sit across from you today, something has changed. What is it?” Hearing her say all these things takes me back to all the sessions we’ve been through. I have struggled and grieved and blamed myself and questioned it all. This past year has been dire. Then the pain all seemed to lessen the moment I met Thane. He’s really been a breath of fresh air. “I met someone,” I confess. “A friend of sorts.” “Does this friend have a name?” she asks me. “Thane.” “How did you two meet?” “He bought me a cup of coffee when I forgot my wallet once.” “And he was a complete stranger?” “Yeah, and since he’s become a friend,” I tell her. “How do you feel when you’re around him?” Her question makes me feel obliged to tell her about the push I feel from Ben. Maybe she can help me make sense of it. “I feel like Ben is around me more when Thane’s around. Also, I don’t think about the pain as often. He’s easy to be around, he makes me laugh, and our conversation is easy.” “Does Thane know about all this?” she asks me. “Most of it, yeah.” “And what was his reaction?” “That maybe Ben brought us together.” “Do you believe that?” she asks me, jotting something down on her notepad.

I look out her window at the Seattle skyline. “I don’t know what to believe anymore, Dr. Brinkman. But what I do know is this last year without Ben has been the hardest time in my life, then all of sudden, I meet this guy, and everything now feels different.” “Why do you think that is?” “Thane is not like other men. He’s caring and very respectful. He has a son too, the same age as Braxley. They’re actually in the same class. And Thane’s been through his fair share of crap too. He’s going through a divorce now, but no matter what, he still puts his son first.” “Have you two been intimate?” “No, God, no. We can’t even kiss.” “What if you did? How would that make you feel?” “We’ve tried, and it hasn’t gone well. It’s something that’s very hard for me.” “Wow, Faye, I’m…I’m really proud of you.” “You are?” “Yes, you’ve made it through a horrific time, and I have a feeling you are at the end of the pain and about to open yourself up to something really good. I want you to remember what Ben told you. He wants you to move on and be happy. That could be why you’re feeling him when Thane’s around—he’s approving.” Her words take me back to the day when Ben was on his deathbed, and he made me promise to not wear my ring after he was gone and to not wallow in the pain of him dying. He wanted me to move on, to celebrate waking up each day healthy, and to find someone else for me and for Braxley. Envisioning his strength as he told me those words makes me wonder, did he send Thane…?

Chapter 12 Thane “Cheers,” Elliot raises his glass to me, and I touch mine to his, not really sure what we’re celebrating, but who fucking cares—we’re in Mexico for the night. “Have you ever thought about wearing your uniform out, man?” “In public?” I question him. “Yeah. You know the ladies dig a guy in uniform, we’d get so much pussy it’d be sick.” “No way, that’d be fuckin’ corny.” “Shut up. You know every time you tell a woman you’re a pilot, it’s like they automatically spread their legs for you.” The bartender walks by, and Elliott orders us another round. “We don’t all just bang every pair of spread legs, Elliott.” “Why not, captain? You need to hook up with someone, to get past all the shit that went down between you and Char.” “Nah, man. I can’t.” “Why not?” My phone vibrates, and I ignore Elliot, looking to see a text from Faye. As I read her words, he snatches my phone out of my hand. “‘Just got Braxley down, now I’m relaxing. Hope Mexico is good,’” he reads out loud, then asks me, “Is this why?” showing me my phone. I didn’t see the picture before; it must’ve just come through. I reach for my phone, but he pulls it away before I can take it and types something. Then he drops it on the bar, and I pick it up, looking at Faye’s pink toes under the running water of her bathtub. Then I read Elliott’s words, and I could punch him in his teeth. Let me see more! is what he said to her. Fuck! He has no clue how things are between us. Or who she is or what she’s been through. “You pissed?” I’m more than pissed. I’m not even sure how to handle him right now. He’s drunk, and so am I, but I’m still coherent enough to know that message is just going to push Faye further away. “I could fucking kill you, man.” “Fuck off. I did you a favor. So who is this chick? You fucked her yet?” “No, man, I haven’t. She’s just a friend.’” Then on the center of the bar, my phone vibrates, and we both reach for it. Thankfully, I get to it first, and when I open the message, I’m so surprised to see more of her legs. This picture is from the thighs down, and my cock twitches. “Let me see?” Elliott requests, reaching for my phone. But I put it into my pocket, tossing a hundred down on the bar. “I’ll see you at five,” I tell him. “Oh, come on,” he hollers after me, but I ignore him and keep walking, heading back to my room. All the while, my eyes are on Faye’s legs looking at me through the clear water. Entering my room, I walk out to the balcony and snap a picture of the ocean, contemplating what to say to her. Do I tell her that I didn’t send the text asking for more? ‘Cause, fuck, I want more.

Erasing the picture, I just type what I’m feeling, just like she did. You’re so fucking gorgeous. Thank you, can I see you? I snap a photo of myself feeling a little bit strange doing it, but she asked, and right now, I’m so horny. Sending it to her, she messages me, Where are you? I send her the photo of the ocean from my balcony and say, My room. Going back to her sexy picture, I want more. Dammit, I need more. Can I see all of you? I ask her and then wait. My cock is so hard waiting, and I worry I’ve pushed too far. Heading inside, I grab a beer from the mini fridge and flop stomach down on the bed, looking at the picture of her legs while I lie here. I don’t know what it is about Faye that makes me want her so much, but I can’t help it. I didn’t want our first time to be like this, but maybe this is how it needs to be. Then I get a text from her, and it says, Are you that disappointed? What do you mean? I respond. In my body. Going into my call log, I dial her phone number and the second she answers; I cut her off. “What are you talking about? Why would you think that?” “Didn’t you get my picture?” “Only the two of your legs. Did you send more?” “Uh huh,” she’s quiet. “I thought I pushed you too far.” “No, you didn’t. I sent it to you.” “Send it again,” I command her, and she asks me, “Are you sure?” “Goddammit, yes! Don’t make me fly there right now and lose my job so I can prove it to—” But my words are cut short as her beautiful body stares back at me. Her tits are huge, plump and round, with the softest pink nipples I’ve seen. Her stomach is flat and her pussy…“Fuck me,” I grumble out loud, and she says, “So you like it?” “Faye, your body is so fucking perfect. You’re amazing.” “I wish you were here,” she says, and I whisper, “Me too.” Imagining myself being there with her, “Are you still in the bath?” I ask her. “Uh huh.” “Will you touch yourself?” “If you do.” Rolling over, my dick gets harder from her words. Unzipping my pants, I wrestle my cock out. The need to come is so strong that as I grip the base of my shaft, my balls tighten and my cock pulsates in my hand. Going back into my pictures, I look at her body as I stroke myself, and she says to me. “I need a picture of you.” With my dick in my hand, I send it to her, and she gasps. “You like it?” I ask. “Uh huh.” Soft moans pour out of her, and I wish I was there to see her making them. “Tell me what you’re doing.” “I’m…I’m sorry I’ve never done this.” “Me neither. Just close your eyes and imagine I’m there with you.” “‘Kay.” “Fuck, I’m hard.”

“Mmmhhh,” she moans, and I move faster, jerking myself at the speed I can visualize myself pounding her. “Fuck, I want you,” I tell her. “Me too,” and I never thought I’d hear her say those words back. I never thought we’d be at this point, but we are, and fuck, it’s good. She moans long and soft, her noises are like music to my ears, and my body reacts to it. “Talk to me,” she requests. “Jesus, you’re gorgeous.” I look at the picture again stroking my cock all the way to the tip. “Oh God, I’m gonna come.” “Fuck, Faye,” I grunt, giving over to the pleasure too. “Oh, Thane,” she moans loudly, and cum shoots from the tip of my dick. My orgasm is fucking intense. I can’t believe we just did this. After not being able to kiss, then this is how we begin things? How fucking backward is that?

Chapter 13 Faye Waking up, my eyes are heavy, and as I bring in the room, something feels different. Then I’m reminded of what Thane and I did last night, and I can’t believe it really happened. Resting my hand against my forehead, I roll to my side and find what I thought would be a heavy weight of regret weighing on me isn’t there. Instead, I find contentment bursting inside me. The relief I’ve been searching for is so strong and reassuring; it’s almost scary. Reaching on my nightstand for the picture of Ben that I sometimes hang my necklace on with our rings, I lift it up and look at him. God, it feels like so long ago since I saw him. Closing my eyes as I clutch the rings, I hold them against my chest and study his face. I can almost hear his laugh. Jesus, all we did was laugh; he was so funny and goofy. Lifting the photo, I kiss his face and then set it back down. My phone chimes and I grab it to see a text from Thane. I can’t wait to see you, he messages me, along with a picture of a sunrise. Me too. Thank you for last night, I message him back, thinking about what we did. Right away he responds, Are you kidding me? Thank you! Was it okay? Yeah. I liked it. Good, me too. Where are you? I ask, curiously, wanting to know where he is as I thought he was flying all day. Just landed at LAX, then I’ll be home. Can I see you? Yes! I respond, probably a little too quickly. But I haven’t done this since I was in high school, so I don’t know how to be. What I do know is that Thane likes me for who I am, so I’m not going to change or question things. Like last night, I was scared and nervous, but I pushed through and followed my gut, and because of that, I’m really happy. I can’t wait, Faye. Staring at my phone, my stomach is full of butterflies. I can’t wait either. Hopping out of bed, I go to wake Braxley, but he’s already up, sitting on the floor of his room eating cereal out of the box as he watches cartoons. “Morning, baby.” “Hi, Mommy.” “How’d ya sleep?” I ask him kissing the top of his hair as he stares at the television and then sit next to him. “Okay.” He seems a little more quiet than usual—withdrawn—as if something’s bothering him, so I ask, “Are you feeling okay today?” “Yeah. I miss Daddy.” “Oh, baby,” I pull him into a tight hug, holding his tiny body close against my chest. “So do I; so do I.” “When can I see him again?” Tears fill my eyes, listening to his words, and I search for the right answer, but I can’t find it. “I…I…” Please, Lord, give me strength. “Honey, you’ll see your daddy one day in heaven, but that won’t be for a very long time.” “But what if I want to talk to him now?” “You can always talk to him; he’s listening.”

“But I can’t see him.” “No, you can’t.” I blink a few times wishing I could give him something more, another way to connect with Ben. Then it hits me, and I imagine taking him with me to Ben’s gravesite. But I don’t know if I can. When he was buried, Braxley was so young. I don’t think he remembers, or at least we haven’t talked about it. But he’s asking now, and it is my responsibility as his mother to help him through these things. Letting go of my son, I ask him, “What do you say I take you to a place where we know your dad is?” “Can I see him?” “No.” “But remember your daddy’s always right here, so you can talk to him whenever you want,” and I touch the spot on the left side of his chest where his heart is. He looks down at my finger and places his small hand over mine as he closes his eyes. The tears I’m trying so hard to hold back break free, as I watch my son try to connect with his dad. Please, Ben, give him a sign. But Braxley opens his eyes and shakes his head. “He’s not answering.” “That’s okay; it doesn’t mean he’s not listening.” “Can you take me to the place?” “Sure, honey…” *** “Can we have pancakes every day?” Braxley asks me from the backseat of my car as I make the trip to the cemetery with him. “Sure can. But I thought you loved lasagna for breakfast?” “I do, but Grandma Jan says it’s not breakfast food.” “Sure it is. You can eat anything you want for breakfast.” He smiles at me in the rearview mirror then looks out the window as we pull through the gates of the cemetery. It’s funny how a place where everything looks the same and you’d think would be confusing to navigate around isn’t. I know right where I’m going. My heart is pounding, and my hands are clammy as I pull down the row where Ben is. Putting the car in park, I take in a deep breath, “We’re here.” Getting out, the smell in the air is the same, the same as the day Ben was laid to rest. Pine trees and dead flowers, it’s almost nauseating. “Ready?” I ask Braxley, doing my best to stay strong for him as he grabs the bouquet of flowers from the back seat that he picked out. With both of his feet on the ground, I hold his free hand and walk along the back of the tombstones until we reach Ben’s simple white marble one. “Here he is,” I tell Braxley through a sob, imagining my Ben, buried below the dirt. It’s so unfair how life dealt him the hands of cards it did. “So daddy’s here?” “Yes, baby, daddy’s here.” We both kneel down, and I wipe the marble clean of debris, like always. Braxley takes the flowers and lays them down, just like all the others are. He’s so observant for his age. “Can I talk to him?” I nod and wipe my eyes dry. “Hi, Daddy, it’s me, Braxley. I miss you, and Mommy misses you too. I can’t wait to see you in heaven; I hope you’re okay and not sick no more.”

Listening to his words breaks my heart. He’s so young and doesn’t deserve to know death this way. If only I could keep him protected from the pain of grieving, I would. I’d lay my life down on the line to give him back his dad in a heartbeat.

Chapter 14 Thane After picking up Jack from Char’s house, I don’t know which one of us is more excited to go over to Faye’s. Granted, I was reluctant to leave him with Char while I was out of town, but Faye convinced me to do it, and it all worked out okay. “Did you and your mom have fun, buddy?” “Yeah, we didn’t do any shopping, Dad. We built Legos and watched movies. It was fun.” “Well, that’s good to hear.” “I can’t wait to hang out with Braxley.” “Yeah? You miss him?” He nods his head, and I’m glad the boys have each other. They’ve become the best of friends. Checking my phone at a stoplight, I still have not heard back from Faye. I texted her hours ago asking if she needed anything on my way, and her silence is beginning to make me nervous. As we pull up to her house, I put the car in park and tell Jack, “Before we go in, I gotta show you something.” He unbuckles his seat belt and walks with me to the back of my SUV. I open the hatch, and when he sees the huge oversized beanbag chair, he jumps up and down. “Is that for me, Dad?” “Yours is at home, but this one is for Braxley. You think he’ll like it?” “Yes! Is mine the same color?” “Yup, both are gray, buddy.” I grab the monstrous beanbag out the back of my car, and Jack runs inside the house. He’s so comfortable here; he doesn’t even bother to knock anymore. “Knock, knock,” I say, following him inside. But I don’t see or hear Faye. “Isn’t it cool?” Jack says with Braxley next to him, and I set the beanbag down. The boys jump on it together and sit there for about a half a second before running off. “Where’s your mom?” I yell after them, and Braxley responds, “Painting.” I walk up the stairs to the studio, and I can see Faye in front of a canvas as soon as I reach the top. Quietly, I stand in the doorway and just watch her. She’s painting something new, and right away, I know why she didn’t text me back. She’s in her flow; her arm is moving continuously as she brings another amazing painting to life. “Is it the beach?” I ask her, and she jumps, her paintbrush flying in the air. “Shit, Thane, you scared me.” “I’m sorry,” I tell her with a grin on my face, as I pull my usual chair up next to her and hand her the paintbrush. She shyly smiles at me, and I wonder if it’s because of what we did on the phone last night. I don’t want her to be shy around me, so I try and lighten the mood. “Hey, has anyone ever asked you to send them nudes?” My tone is sarcastic, and she smirks slapping my shoulder. “What? It’s a legitimate thing, that’s what all the cool kids are doing these days.” “I don’t even want to know how you know that.” “So has anyone?” I ask her again. “Just this one guy?” “Did you do it?” She nods and rests her head on my shoulder, no longer shy, and I run my hands through her hair before cupping her face, loving that we’ve broken through the barrier that was holding us back for so long.

“You been painting all day?” She places the brush in the cup of water and lets out a deep sigh. “Uh huh.” Something is bothering her. I want to turn her towards me and force her to let me in, to tell me what’s the matter, but I’m also scared. I respect her and don’t want to push too hard, too soon…so I wait. “I took Braxley to the cemetery today,” she finally says, and my stomach churns. I couldn’t imagine doing that. I can’t imagine what she’s gone through, or what it was like for Braxley. He’s so young and trying to process it all has to be a lot. “Oh, God, Faye, I’m so sorry.” “It’s okay. I needed to do it and surprisingly…he’s stronger than I thought. Hell, he’s stronger than I am. But…it was still so hard to do. When we got home, I knew I had to stay busy, or my mind would spiral, so here I sit.” “Can I ask why you decided to take him now?” From our past conversations, I know he hasn’t been since the funeral, and she was okay not taking him until he was older. “He woke up missing Ben and asking questions. I felt in my heart it was the right thing to do.” “Fuck, Faye, you are so amazing, you know that, right?” She shakes her head, and I pull her tightly against my chest. She nuzzles up to me, and I don’t push her. Instead I just let her be. Enjoying her in my arms. From the hallway, we both hear some commotion. She looks at me wide-eyed, and I stare back at her wondering what in the world the boys are doing. Then our parental instincts kick in when we hear a thud, and she darts out into the hallway. Looking down the stairs, the beanbag is on top of Braxley. He’s laughing as he’s lying on his back and Jack is barely holding on to the top. “Oh my God! What happened and where did you get that thing?” Faye asks them, and I slip around her, taking the beanbag from Jack’s hand. “Thane brought it for me. Isn’t it cool?” he asks her as he stands to his feet. She looks up at me with a disapproving glare, and I walk off, carrying the chair into his room. “It’s huge!” she exclaims as they all follow me, and I give her a half-crooked smile. It does kinda swallow his room whole, but oh well. “I know it’s big, trust me, I know,” I say, and she catches right on to my innuendo, shaking her head, her face flushed. The boys are both sitting in it as they start to play their video game again, not paying attention to me, and I tip my head directing her out. Clearly, Braxley isn’t hurt from the fall; he was laughing after all. “Where did you get that thing?” she asks me as we head downstairs. “I have a client who I fly privately for, and he just bought into a beanbag company.” “Are you serious?” “Yup, and he asked if I wanted one. So I got two, one for Braxley and one for Jack.” “That’s so sweet of you, Thane.” “Even though it’s so huge?” I ask her as she leans back on the kitchen counter and nods her head. I can’t help letting my mind wander as I watch her chest heaving up and down. Her lips are plump, and my cock throbs watching her. Jesus, I want her. Stepping up to her, she looks me in the eye, so trusting, and I hold on to the countertop next to her hands. She breathes her sweet breath all over mine, and I grab the back of her head, keeping every single thing that I do so slow, painfully slow, but I want to give her the time to tell me to stop if I’m pushing too fast. My heart slams inside me—since the moment I met her I’ve wanted her. Then as tenderly as possible, I

kiss her. I fear rejection in this moment, but she doesn’t stop me. She threads her fingers into the back of my hair. I groan and press my body fully against hers, letting her feel me, letting her know what control she has over me. As her tongue teases mine, our hands explore one another and then suddenly, she pulls away, breathless, but I can’t stop, and I move to her neck. She whimpers while I kiss and nip on her hot skin. “Stop,” she tells me, and I freeze, knowing deep down it was too good to be true. It’s not that I expected to fuck her right here, right now, but I’d hoped she wouldn’t suddenly ask me to stop. “What did I do wrong?” “Nothing! Please don’t think that. I just didn’t want us to go too far with the boys right upstairs.” “Are you sure?” I ask her. “Yes.” I look deep into her eyes, reading her, wanting to make sure that she’s being honest. “I promise,” she finally tells me, clearly sensing my worry. Leaning into her, I peck her lips, again and again, needing the reassurance, and she kisses me back. Once I stop with my forehead resting against hers, I tell her, “I could kiss you all night long, Faye.” And I could, but I hope she’ll give me more because if she will, I’ll cherish every single second that I have with this amazing woman.

Chapter 15 Faye Hush my heart! I repeat to myself as I watch Thane rolling around on my living room floor, playing with the boys. Braxley’s laugh fills the room, and it’s got to be the best sound in the entire world. All I want is for him to be happy and not hurt the way he did at the cemetery or when we lost Ben. I promise to make it my life’s mission to keep him happy. Both he and Jack keep climbing on Thane, and I watch, washing the dishes with a smile from ear to ear. “Help me, Faye!” Thane exclaims flat on the floor as Jack counts, “One, two, three!” Then the boys hoot and holler celebrating their victory, and Thane, well…he looks pretty exhausted. “You okay over there?” I ask him and dry my hands, before pouring us two glasses of wine. “Yup, never better,” he roars and hops up chasing the boys away. They scream so loud, like little girls, and I take a seat on the couch, watching the three of them disappear upstairs. Sipping on my crisp, white wine, I find my mind thinking of Thane and not the pain of the past. That’s what Thane does for me, like when we made out in the kitchen earlier. I’m not sure what it is, but for some reason since we met, he’s consumed my thoughts. He takes the pain away—he makes me feel sane—he makes me feel like there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel I’ve been living in for so long. “Man, they’re tough,” Thane says, pulling me out of my daydream, and I smile as he sits down next to me, his strong hand running through his messy hair. “You’re good with them,” I tell him, and he grabs his wine, clinking our glasses together before taking a sip. “Ahh, it was nothing, anyone could do that.” “No, they couldn’t, not the way you are with them, so funny and patient. You’re a really good dad.” “And you’re a really good mom,” he tells me, and I smile taking another sip of my wine, loving the way it tastes and loving how open Thane makes me feel. His phone rings and he pulls it from his pocket but ignores it. On the screen, I can see it’s Char. “Why is she calling me?” he grumbles. “Maybe to talk to Jack?” “No, she never calls. She’ll text me every once in a while and ask me to have him call her or to tell him hello or goodnight, but she doesn’t call unless she needs something or something’s wrong.” “Shouldn’t you call her back then?” “No, fuck her.” I get that he’s closed off when it comes to her, she’s made some bad decisions, and recently put Jack in a bad situation. But we all have messed up one time or another, and I believe everyone deserves a second chance. “How did things go when she had him?” “Good, at least from what he says. But I know Charlene, and I know it won’t last. We’ve been down this path many times, and until she can admit she has a problem, nothing can get any better.” “Are you still going to ask for full custody?” “I don’t think I have another choice, Faye.” I totally get where he is coming from, wanting to keep Jack safe, but I also know what that’ll do to

Jack. “Has she gotten any help yet?” “Probably not.” “Have you asked her, silly?” I ask him, and he shakes his head. “Then you need to.” “Okay, I will. But can we please stop talking about my ex?” “Sure.” And the second I say the word, he takes my almost empty glass of wine from me and sets it down on the table along with his. His eyes are eating me alive, and I know what he wants--I want it too-but the boys are right upstairs. “I want you, Faye.” I swallow, processing his words, and my mind becomes clouded with the vision of Ben dying in our bed. Reminding me I can never, ever, do anything with him there. “Can we go to your house?” I ask. He nods, knowing why, then asks me, “Now?” “If you want to, but what’ll we tell the boys?” “I have an idea.” He gets up from the couch and heads upstairs; I finish my wine right as he yells out for me. Reaching the stop of the stairs, he’s standing in the doorway of Braxley’s room and has a smirk on his face. “What?” I ask and look in to see what he’s smirking at. In the middle of the room is the beanbag and in the center of it are both the boys. Curled up together, their PlayStation remotes are still in their laps, and they are tuckered out. What, did it take them two minutes to fall asleep? “Guess your plan isn’t gonna work,” I tell Thane. “Dammit,” he mutters. We step out of the room and begin to head back downstairs. I know he’s disappointed, and so am I, but it’s not fair to put our wants before the kids, no matter what. On the way down, he stops, standing in the doorway of my studio. With my bottom lip tucked into my teeth, my heart races, pulsating inside me. Thane’s eyes are wide with hunger as he ushers me into the room. Closing and locking the door, I follow his eyes as he looks around. There is no real furniture in here, but I have a feeling that’s not gonna matter. He pulls me into his arms and cups my face, holding on to my lower back with his other hand and asks me, “Are you sure?” I nod, not able to say the words out loud, but knowing I can’t deny what I’m feeling inside. His lips are parted, his cool breath swirling around me like a tornado, and then his lips are on mine. I melt into his hold, giving over to him, putting all my stress and worries into this kiss. All I can focus on are his lips and his hands as they roam my body. He unbuttons my pants as we stand kissing one another in a lust-filled frenzy. Taking my fingers, I grip his hair, letting him do what he wants. Then he pulls away and says to me, “If you need to stop, just ask, okay?” “Don’t stop,” I whisper, and then he drops to his knees. Hooking his fingers into the sides of my pants as he skims them down my legs, I keep my eyes closed in order to stay in the moment. I can feel every inch that he moves to slowly undress me. Gently he lifts each foot, and once I realize he’s finished, he says to me, “Come here.” And is kneeling on the floor, waiting for me. I look down into his eyes, they are fixated on my black panties, and the vision of him alone keeps me in this moment. As I kneel in front of him, he swallows and says to me, “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” I smile, lost in a haze from his words, letting my adrenaline push me forward, and as we kneel face to

face, I could say the same thing about him. He holds me close, his lips kissing every bit of my body they can, and then he stops, and I look down as he spots the chain around my neck. His eyes read mine, just as worried, and I…I begin to feel myself spiraling—panicking. “It’s okay,” he tells me, and it’s not okay. I know what I have to do. Lifting the chain over my head, I lay it on the floor, and without another word, he has me flat on my back. His face is all that I see. “Focus on me, Faye, focus on my lips,” he gently kisses me, and I close my eyes, listening to him, not wanting to ruin this, not when we are so close. His body hovers above mine. He’s hard, pressing himself against me. The friction feels unbelievably good. My body is yearning for more, willing and craving anything Thane will give to me. His lips keep moving further and further down until he’s finally between my legs. Then his fingers skim beneath my panties, and I lift up, allowing him to undress me even more. He groans exposing my sex, and as I look up at him, he rips his shirt above his head. Then he cups my knees in his big hands and spreads my legs wide. I’ve never been so exposed like this. He takes his thumb and skims over my pussy, the sensation about makes me come, and I grip my own hair, breathing wildly, and it only gets faster as his skilled mouth wraps around my clit. Lost in the pleasure as he spins circle upon circle with his tongue, I moan, and then he pulls me by my thighs even closer to him. Oh fuck. I shiver from the inside out, and once he licks up and down, I lose it, coming hard. My body arches in his hold, and he draws me close to his face, working out every bit of my orgasm he can. The instant that my body settles, I need more. I need him inside me. I need him to love my body with his own like he just did with his mouth. Pulling him up to me, I wrestle with his pants as his hands push my shirt and bra up all the way exposing my breasts. Finally, inside his pants, I grip his shaft. He groans and pulls back, then pushes forward in my hand. Letting go of him, we both remove his pants, our hands a tangled mess until I feel him against me. Skin to skin, his dick is wet against my opening, and I wrap my legs around him. But he doesn’t enter. He holds his ground, studying my eyes, making sure that I’m okay. Then, without any words, he slides inside me. The fullness causes me to whine, and he grunts, not moving a centimeter, just content filling me, holding himself inside me. Our bodies finally blending together as one. “You feel amazing,” he says, and before I can respond to him, he’s stroking himself in and out of me. His shaft is bigger than I realized as he pulls almost all the way out and glides back in. My fingernails dig into his back searching for any friction, loving everything about this moment. Then he freezes, and I worry something’s wrong. “Don’t stop,” I tell him, close to coming again, and he starts moving. I tighten my pussy around him; my body letting go in another orgasm as his thick cock pumps me. I feel every inch of him; then he starts to thrust harder, and I know he’s about to come. I hold his body tight against mine. The second he lets go, he grunts, every muscle in his body flexing and then he says, “Shit, I’m sorry,” and I have no clue why he’d say that. “Why?” I ask, adrenaline still coursing through my veins. “I didn’t mean to come inside of you.” “It’s okay; I’m on birth control.” “You are?” he seems surprised. “Yeah, I have to be, or I get terrible headaches.”

He starts pumping again like he didn’t get all his cum out, and I get lost, letting him have the control. Because when it comes to Thane, my body yearns for him. I’m pure putty in his hands to do anything with that he pleases, just like when he made me want to touch myself on the phone.

Chapter 16 Thane “Char, tonight won’t work. We have plans.” “I’ll come too,” she tells me, trying to push herself onto me and that’s the last thing in the world I’d want. “No!” “Why not?” “Because Jack has a friend coming over and I’m not going to have you ruin his time with him.” “What’s it gonna take for you to forgive me, Thane?” “You need help; I’ve been telling you that all along.” “I got help. Didn’t you hear me the other day when I told you I started counseling?” “I heard you, Char, but I’ve also heard you say that before. It won’t last, and you and I both know it. Counseling isn’t enough. I need to see evidence that you’ve changed, I need to see you stop blowing money like it grows on trees. Jack needs to come first, not shopping.” “Okay, I’ll prove it to you then. He’s my life, Thane.” “Good, because he should be.” “Since I can’t see him today, can he come over here tomorrow? I promise we won’t do any shopping; I just want to hang out with him.” I don’t even know what to say to her. Part of me wants to trust her, but the other part, the part that has been lied to and burned by her so many times, the part that almost had to file bankruptcy because of the insane debt she racked up, that part knows she can feed me all the bullshit she wants. But I know the truth and how that need lives deep inside of her. It’ll only take one small thing for her to slip up. “You can even take my car keys if you don’t believe me.” “I don’t need to do that. I’ll bring him over in the afternoon, around one.” “Thank you,” she says, and we both hang up. “Daddy? Do you copy?” Jack asks me through the new walkie-talkies that he found for him and Braxley. “Ten-four, little buddy, loud and clear.” “These are so cool—Braxley is gonna love them.” He walks into the kitchen still talking to me through the radio. I totally forgot a client had given them to me, and Jack found them in my closet today. “Do you think Braxley can take his home with him?” “Sure, I don’t see why not. They should work for at least twenty miles.” “Yes!” he exclaims and goes to look out the front window, to see if Faye and Braxley are here yet. “What do you think about staying at your mom’s tomorrow night?” “Okay. Do you have to work?” “No, she just wants to see you.” “You aren’t gonna see Braxley without me, are you?” “No way.” I chuckle, so surprised at how close the two of them have gotten so quickly. They are more than friends—they are like brothers. “YES! He’s here!” he yells, grabbing the other walkie-talkie and running outside with it to greet them. I follow along, my eyes on Faye as she unloads everything from her trunk.

“Let me help you,” I tell her, walking down the driveway, and she takes my breath away the moment she looks at me. Her makeup is all done up, and her hair is curled like I’ve never seen before. “What’s wrong?” she asks me. “You’re frozen, like a statue.” “No…nothing. You…you look amazing.” She gives me a coy smile, then hands me a bag, and I finally lift my tongue off the ground and take the other things from her too. “Thanks,” she tells me and closes her trunk. “Of course. Was it hard to find?” “No, not at all.” “Good,” I kiss her forehead and then lead her inside. “After you.” Once we enter my home, I can hear the boys talking to each other through the radios, as if they are on a mission from opposite sides of the house “Are those yours, or did you get them for the boys?” she asks me. “A client gave them to me a while ago,” I tell her setting all the bags down. “But Jack found them today. I think one of them is coming home with you for Braxley.” She nods and gazes around my home curiously. I observe her, remembering what we did last night. The way she tasted against my tongue and let me come inside her. Fuck, the thought alone makes me hard. “Your house is very nice.” “What, you thought I lived in a trailer?” I tease her, and she rolls her eyes at me. “You want a tour?” “Sure.” Walking up to her, I grab her face first, not able to help myself, and tenderly rub my nose against hers before gently kissing her. Then we hear the boys getting closer and pull away from one another. Braxley runs by, and I ask her, “What did you tell him?” “Nothing, he didn’t ask.” I’m sure she’s right, but I still worry. “I don’t want to confuse him.” “Thane, he’s happiest when he’s around Jack. Let’s not complicate things in their six-year-old minds.” “Okay then, I’ll do my damnedest to keep my hands off of you, at least until they are asleep.” She runs her fingers through her long hair, causing my cock to throb, and then I lead her around my home, even though it’s harder than I thought it would be to not lock her in a room every chance I get. As we finish up our tour, she spots the painting she did on my bedroom wall. “You hung it up?” “Of course I did. It’s the last thing I look at before bed, and the first thing I see when I wake up.” She sits on my bed, and I can’t help myself from closing and locking my door. What? I tried. “Just two minutes is all I need,” I tell her, pressing her hard into my mattress before she can respond. She lies beneath me, the same way she did last night, so sexy and willing. With my cock now fully hard, I grind it into her, remembering how tight her pussy is. She kisses me passionately, and as I kiss her back, grinding myself against her again and again, holding both of her hands high above her head, I’d love to fuck her just like this. But I can’t right now—we have to stop. “Stay the night with me?” I ask her, and she blinks a few times. I kiss her throat, moving down between her breasts, noticing that she doesn’t have her necklace on today, and it makes me want her even more. “Please?” I ask again, practically begging her, and she says to me, “What about the boys?” “They don’t need to know you’re here.” God, I hope she’ll stay, but before she can answer, Jack knocks on my door. “Daddy?” he calls out, and

I kiss her one last time. Then adjust myself as I open the door. “What’s up, buddy?” “Why’s the door locked?” “Oh, I don’t know, was it locked?” “Yeah.” “I’m sorry, what’s up?” “Is Braxley in here? I can’t find him anywhere.” I glance at Faye who is now standing beside me, and we both begin to panic. Do not let him be in here. “I don’t think so. Did you push the call button on the radio to see if you can hear his ringing?” He shakes his little head, his blue eyes looking at me curiously, and as I press the call button, I hold my breath. But none of us hears a thing. “He’s not in here. Where did you look for him?” “Everywhere.” “Keep pressing this and go all around the house. You’ll find him.” He walks off to locate his friend, and I let out a breath of air that I feel like I’ve been holding since he knocked. “That was so close,” I tell her. “Are you sure he’s not in here? “I don’t think so.” I crouch down and look under my bed as Faye looks in the bathroom. I check my closet as well, and she shrugs her shoulders. Then both boys go running by my room, and I need a fucking drink.

Chapter 17 Thane As the credits roll down on the TV screen, the boys are passed out between us on the couch. “They were just awake,” I tell Faye. “I know, and I thought I was the one who would fall asleep.” She chuckles, and we get off the couch, “Should we leave them here?” she asks me. “Yeah, why not.” The seats are reclined, and they both look so comfortable. Taking her wine glass and my beer I head upstairs, but glance back to see Faye covering them all the way up with their blankets. Once I enter the kitchen, she’s not far behind, and I hope that she’ll stay the night with me. She never answered me earlier, but by the looks, she’s been giving me all night she wants to. “I should get going.” “Yeah?” I ask, her words hurting my ego. “Yeah.” “What would it take for me to buy another hour of your time?” I stalk towards her, and she says, “I’m not a hooker.” “I know,” I tell her and kiss her cheek, then the outside of her mouth, then her lips, while my hands grip her hips holding her in place. She’s not leaving; I don’t care what she says, I need to have her in my bed tonight—all night long. “You’re making it extremely hard for me to leave.” “Then don’t go,” I tell her and make a bold move, sliding my hand inside her pants and touching her the way her body is begging me to. She throws her head back, not stopping me, and instead pushes back against my hand letting me rub her clit, hard and fast until she’s whimpering. Then I slow and ask her again, “Please stay?” Her body is telling me one thing, as I feel her pussy flexing against my fingers, but her eyes are telling me another. “I’m not above begging, Faye. I’ll get down on my knees if you want me to. I’m dead serious, I will.” But before I stoop to that level she says, “I’ll stay as long as I can. But I don’t know if it’ll be all night.” “Deal!” I exclaim and swoop her feet off the ground, carrying her to my bedroom. “Lock the door,” I tell her, closing it with my foot because I don’t want to set her down yet. She reaches down and turns the lock. The simple sound is my open invitation to do anything I want to her. After getting past what we did last night in her home, I know this will be different. I’m not gonna worry like I did last night. I don’t plan on sleeping, in fact, all I want to do is please her until the sun comes up. I toss her on my bed, not beating around the bush, making my desires very clear as I strip completely naked in the low light. She watches my every move, her eyes consuming me. And as excited as I am, I remind myself to stay in the moment, ‘cause once I start, I won’t be able to slow or stop. Kneeling next to her, I grab the hem of her shirt. She sits up for me, letting me remove it, and as I unclasp her bra, she grabs my dick. I grunt the feeling of her hand on me is so incredible. My balls swell as she jerks me, and I stop what I was doing, letting her do what she pleases. “Lie down,” she tells me, and I’m hesitant because I want to make sure I keep her satisfied. But…she doesn’t give me a choice and pushes me backward. “Take your pants off,” I tell her, and right

away she listens. My eyes zone in on her pussy and it’s so hard to not pin her down and slide inside her. We are both naked, in my bed and…then it happens. She swirls her tongue around the head of my shaft and very slowly, sinks all the way down. Motherfucker! Her lips are pressed tight against me. I hold her hair out of the way, so I can see what she’s doing, and if I’m being honest, it all feels like a dream, a dream come true. She’s kneeling next to me; her body is so exposed and vulnerable. Fuck, I want to touch her, I want inside her again. Letting go of her hair as she sucks me faster, I reach over and pinch her nipple. She pushes it into my palm and I…I start bucking my hips, fucking her mouth. My balls tighten, and I fight my orgasm, so caught off guard by its sudden presence. Teetering on the edge, I finally tell her, “Stop!” But she doesn’t listen. Looking at her she has a devilish grin across her face, still sucking me. She knows just what she is doing to me and is leaving me with no other choice. Sitting up, I pull her back, and she’s panting, her mouth gaping open. Fuck, she’s gorgeous. “Why did you stop me?” “I don’t want to come yet,” I tell her. “I wanted it.” “I’m sure you did.” I flip her over, laying her flat on her back and drenching her body with kisses, giving myself a minute to cool down. Her skin is so soft, and as I kiss her, she lies there motionless, making me worry something is wrong, something is bothering her. “Are you okay?” I ask. “Yeah, I’m perfect.” “You sure?” “Yes!” she reassures me, and I go back to kissing her, working my way all over her body. As soon as I’ve got her front covered, I flip her to her stomach and begin on her backside. Her skin gets goose bumps, and once I reach her ass, I know what I want. Gently I bring her up to her knees. Her back is arched up so sexy like this. And my cock drips a little cum demanding to be inside her. Spreading her pussy open with one hand, I grip my shaft in the other. Our wetness smears together as one as I slide inside the paradise that is her cunt. Her pussy molds around me, holding on to my dick firmly, and I begin to move, savoring every second that I’m inside her. Glancing down, I watch myself moving in and out. Each time I pull out ‘til I can see the head of my shaft. Then I glide back in, and she moans, clenching my cock, pulling me back inside her. “Fuck, Faye,” I groan as she arches her back and I realize that my fingers are digging into her ass cheeks. “Yes, like that,” she whispers, her words faint, but I’m so tuned into everything about her that I hear them all. Then she says something that I’m not sure I heard right, so I have to repeat it to be sure. “Harder?” I ask her, and she nods, backing her ass up to me. I pick up speed, gripping her now by the hips as I pull her back onto me each time I slam into her. “Like this?” I ask moving quickly in and out. “Uh huh,” she responds, and the intensity ignites my orgasm. Fuck! I look up at the ceiling, trying to not let go. Not yet, this is too good; I don’t want it to end. “Harder!” she demands, and I push her flat on the bed, propping myself up with one hand and resting the other

against her back. Pleasure radiates from her into me. I can feel it enter through my fingertips and I let go, blowing hard —coming inside her. My cum shoots into her like a rocket, causing me to pound her hard and relish my release. She quivers beneath me, then thrashes, screaming into the comforter as I slam her good, working out our orgasms together. Mine is so intense that I might’ve come a second time and not even realized it. Her orgasmic moans are like music to my ears, and as we both settle, I kiss her back, her salty and sweat-drenched back makes me want her again. But my heart is pounding so hard, that I just need a moment, just a second to recover. Lying down on her, I roll us both to our right sides and hold her body tightly against mine. My hard cock still fills her pussy, and I know with her in my bed, there’s not a chance in the world I’ll go soft. My lips find her neck, and as she reaches back holding on to me, she sobs a little. Worry consumes me, and I pull out of her, looking into her eyes. Right away, I know something is terribly wrong.

Chapter 18 Faye “What did I do?” Thane, asks me. But the pain is so great, and so sudden I don’t know how to respond to him. Plus, the truth is he didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me; I did something wrong—I fucked up. “Please talk to me, Faye,” he begs me, his eyes are scared, pleading with me to let him in. But how do I when I feel like this? “Did I go too hard?” “No.” I shake my head and his face changes, worried even more. “It’s not you; it’s me.” “Oh my God, you were amazing. You are amazing.” I do my best to stay strong, to not let him see me upset or weak, but tears burst from my eyes. I get up searching the room for my clothes. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I can’t do this. “What are you doing?” he demands an answer, standing in front of me stark naked. “We shouldn’t be doing this.” “Why the hell not? We’re perfect together.” With my t-shirt in my hand, I grip onto it hard, so scared for what the future holds feeling this way, and I tell him, “Because when I’m with you, especially like this, I forget about Ben.” The waterworks flow, I’ve lost the battle, and yank my shirt over my head, searching for my pants, ignoring him as he follows me closely. “Would you please stop?” But I can’t listen. I need to be alone. He grabs my arms pulling me back into him, and I fight to be free. “Faye, please, let’s talk about this.” Whipping my head towards his, a powerful surge of remorse rocks through me. I can’t! I can’t! “What is there to talk about? I’m not ready to let Ben go!” I scream. “You don’t have to let him go, Faye. He’ll always be in your heart.” Pulling my pants on, I feel myself spinning and spiraling out of control. And as I look at Thane, the fear is evident across his face. “Not when I’m with you, he’s not.” And I try to leave the room, but he stops me, blocking the door. “That means you’re healing, Faye.” “It doesn’t mean shit except I’m betraying him, don’t you see that? I can’t sleep with you and give into the pleasure that my body wants with mine and Ben’s son right downstairs. He could’ve been hiding in here, Thane, and seen us making out. Did you ever stop to think what that would have done to him? He’s only six; he doesn’t know anything is going on between us. But if he was old enough to know, he’d hate me. Just the same way that Ben would.” “That’s not true, and you know it, Faye.” “Yes, it is. Now please let me go, I need space.” He drops to his knees, naked, broken, and hurt, as he says to me, “Faye, I’m begging you to stay. Please!” I reach for the door handle, and he grabs my arm, yanking me down into his lap. I fall gracefully, my heart breaking more and more with every inch closer I get to Thane. With his arms shrouded around me, I weep, wallowing in my own agony and despair. Thane holds me tightly, a stray tear from him lands on my jeans. I don’t want him to hurt. But I need

space. I need time. “I’m sorry,” I tell him, getting off his lap, leaving him in his room. Each step I get further away from him breaks my heart, but the pain is nothing compared to the betrayal I feel. *** “When I’m with Thane the way we were last night, nothing else seems to matter except for me and him. All of my pain diminishes, and my worries wash away. Which I thought I would be grateful for. But dammit, Ben, I don’t want the pain to go away, it reminds me of you, and I fucking miss you!” I wail into the nothingness as I fall forward, sobbing on my husband’s grave. The only thing connecting us are the blades of grass. I grip them, tearing them from the ground, and it only makes me cry harder. The back and forth inside my head is exhausting. As I sit here searching for answers, I just want to know that everything is going to be okay, the way it used to be. But that’s not my life anymore. Nothing will ever be the same, not without Ben. I’d hoped after over a year of grieving; I was learning how to go on…especially when I met Thane. But I’m not ready…and I don’t know how to be.

Chapter 19 Thane “Come on, buddy, we gotta get going to school,” I tell Jack, doing my best to pretend that nothing is bothering me. That I’m okay with everything, even though inside my chest is a huge gaping hole as I’m trying to learn how to be without Faye. Even though what we had wasn’t long, it was still the best. “Can I take Braxley’s walkie-talkie to school today and give it to him?” “I don’t think Mrs. Leeper would like that.” “Come on, I miss him, Daddy.” “I know you do, bud, but you’ll get to see him all day today.” “It’s not the same,” he grumbles and hops off the stool at the breakfast bar, walking into the garage, upset. I hate that what Faye and I are going through is affecting him. Grabbing his backpack, I take the walkie-talkie with me, I’ve gotta do something. I can’t have him upset, like this. As I follow Jack, he’s already strapped up in the car and even at six years old, I can tell he’s pissed at me. I show him the walkie-talkie, and he grins from ear to ear. “Thank you, Daddy.” “Of course. I’m not gonna let you take it into school, though,” I tell him as I back out of my driveway. “I’ll take it to Faye, and if she’s okay with him having it, then you guys can talk.” “Why wouldn’t she be?” “Oh, I don’t know. I just want to make sure. She’s his mom.” He looks out his window on the drive, and I keep glancing at him through the rearview mirror. If only I could be six again. After we make the short trip to his school, I pull into the lot and even after a week, I still find myself looking for Faye. She must be dropping Braxley off really early because I haven’t seen her. “All right, buddy, we’re here,” I tell Jack and he unstraps, then gets out, and I help him with his backpack. As we walk across the lot, he asks me, “Are you going to take the walkie-talkie over to Braxley’s now?” “Sure will. Have a good day, okay?” I give him a hug and kiss. Then his little feet guide him along, and I watch him run into school all the way until he’s gone. Taking out my phone on the walk back to my car, I’m tempted to call or text Faye, but I know she’ll just ignore me. So I get into my car and just drive to her house. I hate that she won’t answer or return my calls. She’s gone completely silent, and it’s driving me nuts. Out of all the people in the world, I’d think that Faye would turn to me. I understand her and want to help her. But she’s just pushing me away and running from something that’s so good. I know I haven’t been through exactly what she has, but I care for her so much that I’ll do anything to help her and to make her happy. Pulling up to her house, everything is quiet. She’s probably not even here, but I still have to try. With the radio in my hand, I walk up to her front door and take in a deep breath of air before I knock. Each smack of my knuckles against the wood sends a twinge of anxiety coursing through me. Nervously, I look around, listening for any noises inside. But I don’t hear a thing. She must not be

home. Letting out the breath, I turn my back and go to my car. I shouldn’t have come here. Tossing the radio aside, it stares at me, and I hate to let Jack down. Searching around my car for a pen and paper, I finally find them to write her a note. As I tap the pen on the paper, I’m not sure what else to write, even though I have so much to say, and then suddenly, it flows out. I don’t hold back, saying everything I feel I need to. I’ve got nothing more to lose after all. Folding the piece of paper in half. I stick it beneath the clip on the radio and walk it up to Faye’s front door, placing it inside her mailbox. I hope it helps, but I fear it won’t, and that makes my heart hurt. Starting the engine to my car, I drive off wishing that she’d been home. I really believe if she’d just hear me out, that she’d understand where I’m coming from and let me back in. My phone rings on the drive, and I glance at it to see my attorney calling. Reluctantly I answer it, and he says to me, “If you’re gonna start blowing off court dates, then there is no way the judge is going to give you full custody or let you keep primary custody.” Sonofabitch! Is it the eighth already? “I…I’m not feeling well.” “Don’t try to play me, Thane. I’m on your side here. I just covered for your ass. If anyone asks you had to take an emergency flight to New York, okay?” “Absolutely. I’m so sorry. I don’t know how I spaced it.” “Me neither and I really wish you hadn’t.” “Why?” I ask him, concerned that he’d say that. “Because Charlene was more than prepared and came out guns blazin’. You know she’s hired a financial advisor?” “How can she do that, with my money?” I yell at him. “It’s within her monthly budget. Apparently she’s really not shopping.” “Dammit.” “Yup, she even has a sponsor for her shopping addiction that she brought to court today to vouch for her.” Out of all days for me to miss, why today? Why when Char completely catches me off guard with a fastball right down the middle? I should’ve seen it coming. I should’ve been there to do something. “What’s this mean for me?” I ask him. “I think she has a good shot at getting joint custody.” “Are you serious? After a few weeks of her charade?!” “I’m sorry, Thane, I really am. I’ll have my assistant call you when we have the next court date.” I hang up the phone, extremely angry. I can see right through Charlene’s bullshit. She’s not gonna keep this up, I know she’ll break, she always does. And the courts will see that, I’ll make sure of it before they put my son at risk by letting her have joint custody. It’s hard enough for me to let him stay with her a night every now and again, a fifty-fifty split might actually push me over the edge.

Chapter 21 Thane “Mr. Stovich, could you carry the lunches to the bus for me?” Jack’s teacher, Mrs. Leeper, asks me as we prepare to head out on a class field trip. “Sure, “ I tell her and lift the huge round tub full of all the children’s lunches. “Should I take them now?” “Yeah, the bus is out front. We’ll meet you out there.” “Okay.” Heading out of the school, I can’t help but feel disappointed that Faye is not here today. She was supposed to attend this field trip too. We’d talked about it weeks ago, but after everything, I guess she’s changed her mind. As I exit the school, I knock on the door to the bus, and when the driver opens it, I tell him, “I have lunches for Mrs. Leeper’s class.” “Just set them on either first row of seats.” “Thanks,” I tell him and head back towards the school. I hear someone walking behind me, and when I look to see Faye as gorgeous as ever coming towards me, I couldn’t be happier. “You made it,” I tell her. “I did, I needed to go and see Ben this morning. That’s why I’m running late.” “Oh, okay,” I respond, not sure what I should say. I can’t ask how he is or anything like that. So I go with, “You look good. Really good.” “So do you,” she says, and I want to touch her lips, her soft plump lips, but then the door to the school opens and out files the class. “Mommy,” Braxley yells and runs over to her, giving her a hug. “I thought you weren’t gonna make it.” “Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” He hugs her again and runs back to Jack, getting in line as they file onto the bus. “Thanks for handling the lunches,” the teacher says, and I give her a wave. “No problem, I’ll meet you there.” Reaching into my pocket for my car keys, I look at Faye and give her a friendly hug, then say, “I should probably get going.” “Yeah, me too.” We walk across the lot together, our hands brushing against each other’s. As we both walk up to our cars, I ask her, “Do you want to ride with me?” “Okay,” she agrees, and I unlock the doors, so surprised that she is actually coming with me. As we get into my car, the bus drives off and the other parents file out of the lot, following as well. I start the engine and back up as Faye says to me, “I owe you an apology.” I glance over at her, wondering where this is all coming from. “You really don’t. You didn’t do anything wrong.” “I did, Thane, I pushed you away, when all you were doing was helping me, and for that, I’ll always be sorry.” “I get where you were coming from; I’d probably have done the same thing. But it’s all good.”

“No, it’s not,” she says, and part of me feels like she wants to argue with me or something. “I’m not sure what you want from me, Faye.” “I want us to start over, a clean slate.” “Why? What’s changed?” She turns in her seat, her body towards mine. Pulling my eyes off the road, she’s tempting and provoking me. Looking away, I grip the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white as I hold it tightly. “I’ve done a lot of soul searching and thinking and looking within myself for what I want.” Her words ring loud and clear inside me, and I hope what she is saying is really true, but part of me doesn’t believe it. She’s pushed me so far away and has been so cold, that I’m hesitant to open myself up to her again. But she rubs my arm, and her simple touch alone puts my cock at twelve o’clock. “What do you think?” she asks me. I go with my gut. Even if things end the way they did last time, it’ll be worth the pain to be with her again. “Can we have dinner, tonight, alone?” “I’ll have to see if my mother–in-law will watch Braxley, but I should be able to.” I don’t say anything else to her. I leave things as they are, hoping this is truly the beginning of us again, but also knowing rejection is very possible.

Chapter 22 Faye What’s the likelihood that Thane and I would we been paired up on this field trip together? I’m guessing it’s because Mrs. Leeper can see how close the boys are and she wants the groups to be easy for the parents to manage. We also have two girls with us, they are friends too, and the four kids are fun and easy to be around. “It’s lunchtime, are you guys done with your checklists?” I ask the kids and they all nod. Even Thane and I can’t help but laugh as we cross the field to meet the class at the pavilion. “When did Jack get his bandage off?” “A couple of days ago. Thankfully everything healed well.” “I noticed as he was holding his clipboard it looked really good.” “Yeah, thank God.” The kids race each other and Thane asks me, “What did you bring for lunch?” “Shit, I totally forgot it in my car.” “Damn, that sucks.” “I know, oh well.” “I’ll split mine with you,” he tells me and wraps his fingers around mine, holding my hand tightly. I look down at our hands, loving the feeling of his hand around mine. It feels so good. And considering I’m not sure where we stand, I need this. “Where are we going for dinner?” I ask him, and he gnaws his bottom lip, pondering my question. “I thought you had to see if your mother-in-law could watch Braxley?” “She will,” I tell him. “Okay, then where do you want to go?” “I don’t care.” “What’s your favorite kind of food?” he asks me. “I love pho.” “What in the world is that?” he gives me a gross look, and he doesn’t even know what it is. I laugh so hard at his expression that I have to stop walking. “It’s Vietnamese noodle soup.” “No way, I’m not taking you out for soup.” “Fine, but I’m telling you, don’t knock it until you try it.” When we reach the pavilion, the class is all scattered, eating lunch everywhere, and we sit down next to the boys. The warm sun against my skin feels so good. The weather just keeps getting better and better. “Where’s your lunch, Mommy?” Braxley asks me. “I forgot it in my car, so Thane is going to share with me.” “That’s nice, you can have my apple too,” he passes me the fruit, and I politely decline it, wanting him to get a full meal in his tummy. “You eat it.” He shrugs his shoulders, and Thane hands me half his sandwich. “Thanks,” I tell him. I catch Thane stealing one of Jack’s Cheetos out of the corner of my eye. Thane winks at me, and I smirk at him. The kids are all talking, and Thane takes the opportunity to keep stealing more food, but Jack catches him and says, “Dad, those are mine.”

“Sorry, I won’t take any more.” Jack has his eye on him, and clearly, Thane thinks it’s funny as he takes another Cheeto and Jack jumps on him. “I said stop,” he yells, and Thane hunches over with his son attacking him. Braxley joins in on the fun too, and Thane stands up, with Jack around his neck and Braxley gripping his waist. The boys yell wildly, and I can’t help but laugh as I sit back and watch him run around the field holding the boys on him like a wacko. Watching Thane like this with not only his son but Braxley too, makes me realize how amazing of a man and father he really is. *** “Thank you again, Jan,” I tell my mother-in-law as she pulls away from my house with Braxley in her car. “Bye, Mommy,” he yells from the backseat. “Bye, baby.” I wave at them as they drive off, and I’m very grateful she’s helping me out tonight. Walking back inside, I check my hair and makeup in the hallway mirror, knowing soon Thane will be here. Then the doorbell rings and I remind myself of the promise I made to Ben. It’s what has been pushing me forward lately, and I will make sure it continues to. I turn to see Thane, my eyes locking with his right away as he stands holding a bouquet of yellow lilies. “Come in,” I tell him through the screen door, and he enters, looking mouth-wateringly sexy. “These are for you,” he passes me the flowers and gives me a kiss on the cheek. My heart thuds as I thank him, grabbing a vase for the flowers. “There’s beer in the fridge,” I tell him, and he takes one out, cracking it open. He hands it to me, and I happily swallow a huge gulp. “Thanks,” I tell him, passing him back his beer. “Of course. So your mother-in-law was cool taking Braxley?” “Yeah, she loves her time with him.” “What’d you tell her you were doing tonight?” “I just said I needed a night to myself.” He nods, understanding. Thane sips his beer; his eyes are as consuming as ever, eating me alive as I take a deep breath in, reminding myself of what’s real, and that’s Thane and I, starting over. “You ready for dinner?” “I am,” I agree and Thane’s eyes light up from my response as he sets his half-drunk beer down. I slam the rest, getting a satisfied smirk from him when I do. “You want one for the road too?” he asks me. “Nah,” I grab my coat and purse as we head out together. On the drive, I ask him, “Where are we going?” “I guess to have that crap soup you like.” “Whatever, it’s not crap. You’re gonna love it.” “Well, I’m just warning you that if I don’t, I’ll be stopping by a Chipotle afterward.” “Oh come on, like a nasty oversized burrito is better.” “Oh, it is. I’d be happy if we just went there. I could eat two.” “No! We’re having pho, end of story! And I promise by the end of the night, you’ll be hooked.” He glances at me, gripping the steering wheel tightly. The sun is setting as we drive and I look out the window, up to clouds, feeling Ben with me, pushing me forward.

Chapter 20 Faye Pulling up to my house after another morning at the cemetery, I’m exhausted—from not only lack of sleep, but searching for the right thing to do. I just want the pain to go away. All of it. But I don’t know how to make it stop, and I fear I never will. I press the button to my garage door and am reminded of Thane. Like I am by so many other things in my life. Even though I don’t have the history with him that I shared with Ben, losing him still hurts. But I hold on to my choice; I have to. We aren’t together because of me. I grab the mail before going in, and when I see the walkie-talkie inside my mailbox, my heart falters. Hesitantly, I pull it out, holding it in the palm of my hand, like it’s a bomb that might go off. Any wrong move could send me into a tailspin of turmoil. On the back of it is a piece of paper and I head back into the garage. Looking around to see if he’s watching me. But my street is quiet; everything is still. Once I’m inside, I can’t stop myself from opening the note, his handwriting bleeding off the white paper, and I don’t know if I can read his words. I really don’t know if I can, but I also know I can’t ignore the letter. As hard as it is to hear from him, I need to know what he has to say. Faye, Please give this to Braxley. It would mean a lot to Jack and me. I’m sorry for what you’re going through; you don’t deserve this kind of pain. You deserve nothing but happiness, and that’s what I always tried to give you. I wish you’d see that and realize it’s okay to be happy, to let the pain go. There’s no harm in doing that; it means you’re healing. I’m always here for you, and I never want you to forget what you and Ben shared. You said so yourself that Ben would want you to move on. He was an amazing, brave man, who will always live in your heart. Like you will always live in mine. Yours, Thane Setting the note down, his words are a hard blow deep inside my soul. I…I feel lost, suddenly so unsure about everything and I don’t know what to do. Then the walkie-talkie in front of me rings, and I about jump out of my skin, so caught off guard by it. Hesitantly, I touch it and then without thinking, I answer him. “Thane?” I ask to be sure it’s him. “Hi Faye,” his voice is deep, rough, and it crackles with each word. “How are you?” I look around my messy house that I haven’t given two shits about lately and search for the answer. “I’ve been better,” I tell him followed by a long sigh. “Can I see you?” he asks, and I’m not sure that I’m ready for that or if my heart can handle him. “Can we just talk?” I ask. “Of course. Did you read my note?” “I did. I…I appreciate your openness and honesty.” “I meant every word I said, Faye. No matter what, I never want you to forget Ben…ever.” “I appreciate that Thane, but right now…I still need space.”

“Okay,” he agrees with me, and I guess I didn’t expect him to. The line is silent, and I stare at the radio, still wanting to talk to him, but can’t bring myself to speak any words. I’ve tried to remind myself of what Ben said, to not stand still in time, but I can’t help it. Some days are better than others, and I really thought I was doing better, until this setback. *** “Thank you for seeing me, Dr. Brinkman,” I tell my therapist as I sit across from her. My palms are damp, my nerves are high today, especially after Thane and I talked. “Of course, Faye. How can I help you?” “I don’t even know where to start,” I tell her and almost laugh. “Okay, let’s start where we left off in our last session. You told me you’d met someone.” She scans her notes and says, “Thane?” “Yeah, that’s him.” “How are things going between the two of you?” I reach into my purse and remove the note Thane left me. Pulling it out, I hand it to her. After she reads it, she asks me, “How does this note make you feel?” “Lost and confused…” I trail off, and she asks me, “Why?” “I don’t know. I guess because I hear his words and the logical side of my brain tells me to listen to him and trust in him. But then there’s this weight of regret weighing down around me, and it’s telling me that I can’t be with him. That it’s wrong, even though I know what he’s saying is true. And I’m miserable without him.” Tears fill my eyes and I…I place my face in the palm of my hands. “Faye, I want you to take a step back for a moment. Can you do that?” Her voice pulls me from the depths of the shadows that are surrounding me, and I focus on my breathing. The same way I did when we first started to meet after Ben had passed. It took us quite a few sessions for me to even be able to talk about things. “Remember what’s real? Remember what Ben told you.” I swallow searching within myself for his words, but I can’t find them. I think I’ve suppressed everything so far back. Then she reads them out loud, and each one sparks a reminder of what I promised him. “Faye, promise me one thing…” I look up at her knowing just what I said to him. She patiently waits for me to answer and when I do, I can feel Ben beside me. His hand on my thigh, his reassurance pushing me forward. “I promise I’ll move on and be happy.”

Chapter 23 Thane “So what do you order?” I ask Faye, looking at the overly complicated menu. “I get the meatballs.” “Okay, now this is just getting weird.” “What do you mean?” she questions me, setting her menu down. “You said this was Vietnamese soup, what place do meatballs have in any of that.” “Would you stop bitching?” she calls me out, and frankly, it turns me on. Setting my menu down I tell her, “You can order for me, ‘cause apparently, you know best.” Just then the waitress walks up and sets our drinks down and what looks like a tray of grass. My beer looks so good that I take a swig of it, needing to get drunk to make it through this meal. “What can I get you two to eat?” the waitress ask us. “I’m gonna have the meatball pho, and he’s gonna have the number fifty-seven.” What the fuck is that? But I can’t figure it out as she takes our menus and walks off to place our order. “So what, is that like code for something?” I ask her. “No, it was on the menu. Didn’t you see most of the items were numbered?” “No, I didn’t notice, I was a little preoccupied with all the meatballs and boba talk.” “You wanna drink?” she asks me, sipping a huge blue ball into her mouth through her straw. “No, thanks. I’d prefer to keep blue balls as far away from me as possible.” She slurps another one through her massive clear straw, and I can’t help but cringe watching her chomp down on it. “So be honest, you really only like this place ‘cause of all their balls, huh?” She rolls her eyes as the waitress sets down our steaming hot soups. Looking down at the raw meat, I realize, I’ve been juked. “Can I get you anything else?” “No, we’re good.” “You might be good,” I mumble under my breath and Faye giggles. “You know how to use chopsticks, big guy?” “Yes, I know.” “Well, get ‘em out and stick your meat into the broth.” “My meat’s not going anywhere near that broth.” She laughs and slams her fist on the table. “Not your meat, that meat, silly.” Taking my chopsticks, I push the meat down and watch the pink disappear; the broth is so hot it cooks it. Watching Faye squeeze all sorts of crap into her soup and tear blades from the grass that’s on the table, I just follow what she’s doing. “Oh, so now you know what to do?” I roll my eyes, and then together we both bring a bite to our lips. Here goes nothing. As I open my mouth and the first thing touches my tongue, my palate awakens. The flavor is incredible. Chewing the bite, I don’t think I’ve ever tasted something so good.

“You like it?” she asks me. “I…I love it,” I tell her shoveling another chopstick load into my mouth. She eats slowly, watching me, and as I consume mine in what I’m sure is record speed, I can tell now why this is her favorite. *** “That was amazing!” I tell Faye, as we walk out of the restaurant. “See? I told you, you’d love it.” “Why have I never had it before?” I ask, grabbing her hand, our fingers locking together so tightly. “I don’t know why, but trust me, it’s all you’ll want now.” “I could eat another bowl.” “Oh, I couldn’t,” she says rubbing over her slim stomach. “I’m stuffed.” “Yeah, you really look like it.” She bumps shoulders with me, and I laugh, letting go of her hand and draping my arm over her shoulder. She smells so good, unbelievably good, and being with her like this again is amazing. As we cross the bridge to where we parked, the lights from downtown Seattle twinkle, illuminating the Puget Sound. She stops walking, and we both look out at the glassy water. Standing in silence, I wonder what’s going through her head. For me, all I can think about is her; she consumes me. But for her, I worry if she’s starting to second-guess things again, so I ask her, “What are you thinking?” “Oh, nothing.” “Tell me?” I plead, wanting inside her head. “It’s about Ben.” “Okay, I still want to know.” She sighs, remembering something and then says, “He used to come here to fish all the time. I was thinking maybe I could show Braxley how to one day.” “I think that would be nice. Jack and I can come too.” “I’d like that,” she says, her eyes still concentrating on the water. “So would I.” I turn her towards me and can now see the tears that are glazed over her eyes. “Don’t cry, Faye.” She blinks and her mascara trails down her face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to get upset tonight.” “Don’t be sorry. Please just be however you feel and let me inside here,” I tell her and touch her heart. “And here,” I lay a soft, gentle kiss on her temple. Her arms fold behind my back, and we stand together, silently enjoying one another. *** “Thank you for tonight,” Faye tells me as I pull into her driveway. “Of course.” I put my car in park, and hate that the night has to come to an end. But she said she wanted things to start over between us, so I don’t want to push her. “Aren’t you coming in?” “No, I should get home.” “Oh…okay,” she sounds surprised and reaches for the door handle a little hesitantly. “Will you at least walk me to my door?”

“Sure.” I turn my car off and follow her to her door. My heart is steady, but when she stops and looks into my eyes, everything inside of me awakens, and I know I should’ve left when I had the chance. Her lips are slightly parted, her breath is warm as it hits me, and I’m aware getting out of my car was a bad idea. She can sense it too. Being this close with her has my blood running wild, and then she wraps her arms around my neck. “Thank you for dinner,” she says. My cock growing from the closeness, I nod, losing my voice as she leans in pressing her body against mine. Obviously feeling what she does to me, we go to kiss, and I yank the keys from her hand, opening the door and hustling her inside. With her back against the door, I grind into her. Wanting to be inside of her so badly. We both get lost in this passionate moment. She wraps her arms and legs around me, clinging to me. Our lips are a tangled mess, both of us wanting the same thing. I kiss her neck, and she moans. My hands are wound around her thighs holding her up, and the friction of my dick inside of my pants makes my balls burn. I set her down, and we both begin to undress the other in between kisses. I push her coat to the floor, my tongue working hers. Her moans drive me wild. We pull away briefly and remove our shirts, standing only with our pants on, and as she starts to unbutton hers, I drop mine to my knees. The feeling of freeing my cock is stimulating. She steps out of her pants now stark naked, and I slide two fingers into her slit. Looking into her eyes for reassurance, to make sure she’s okay with this and before I go any further, she pulls me towards her by my shaft. I let go of her sex, looking down as she slides me inside her. My cock feels like it’s about to explode and I prepare to fuck her. Holding on to her by the back of her thighs, her back is against the door, and together we move in sync. She grips the door handle with one hand and holds onto my neck with the other with her head slumped down, watching me move in and out of her. My movements are swift; there’s nothing gentle about them as I give us what we both want. I know she likes it hard, she’s told me. Every slap of my balls against her ass echoes through the foyer of her house, followed by her sweet cries. “Yes, Thane,” she chants repeatedly, and I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed hearing my name like I do when Faye says it. Grunting with every single thrust, our bodies are sweaty, and in this moment, with our eyes locked on each other’s, I pray this is the beginning of our future, because I don’t want it any other way, and I don’t want anyone else.

Chapter 24 Faye “Good morning,” Thane says to me, lying next to me on the close confines of my couch. “Morning,” I respond, my voice raspy and my eyes tired as we didn’t get much sleep. My mind drifts back to last night, to all that he and I did, and I find those thoughts making me damp between my legs. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he says, and my heart flutters from those words. No man has ever spoken so freely to me, not even Ben. Thane holds me tightly, and I breathe in the sweet smell of his chest, his scent so settling to me. “Thank you,” I finally say. “It’s the truth. You’re perfect.” “So are you, Thane.” “I meant what I said to you in the letter, Faye. I want you to feel comfortable speaking about Ben. You need to always remember all the great times you shared.” His words…wow…his words are something else. A fury of emotions rolls through me, and I search within myself for the right way to respond. I worry he’s just saying that and doesn’t really feel it, deep inside of him so I ask, “Are you sure that’s how you really feel?” “Have I ever lied to you?” I gaze up into his eyes knowing he hasn’t. Then close my eyes as the presence of Ben swarms around me. His reassurance that I’d been feeling when I first met Thane hits me full throttle, and I lose my breath. Finding comfort in knowing that he approves. “No, you haven’t.” “And I never will. You have my heart if you’ll accept it.” He leans down and kisses me, his strong arms holding me close and in this moment—for the first time in over a year—I feel like I’m going to be okay. With Thane by my side, how could I not be? *** “I can leave,” Thane tells me, as I look out front waiting for my mother-in-law to drop Braxley off. My heart is pounding, and as much as I don’t want him to go and I don’t want to keep him from her, I feel like it might make things a whole lot worse than they need to be. “I’m sorry, I think it might be best to give it some time.” “For sure. I’m gonna grab Jack; then we can all do something this afternoon?” I nod in response, as his hands clench onto the sides of my face. He kisses me tenderly, a few soft pecks that make me weak in the knees. Then he’s gone. Bracing my weight on the edge of the countertop, my mind swirls back to last night, and I find myself biting my bottom lip recalling all that we did. Then I hear a car pull up and see Jan’s car parked on the street. Thank God Thane left when he did. “Hey, guys,” I call out to them from the front door. “Mommy!” Braxley yells and runs up to me giving me a hug. “Hey, my little man, how are you?” I hold him tightly. “I’m good. Look what grandma got for me.” He shows me a new action figure, and I kiss the top of his

hair before he runs inside. “Let me get that stuff for you, Jan,” I tell her as she’s struggling to carry all his bags. “Thanks.” She follows me in, and I tell her, “Thanks again for watching him.” “No problem. Did you have a nice evening?” “I did.” “What did you do?” “Just relaxed.” “Oh good. I’m glad you got some time to yourself.” “I did, thank you.” And as much as I hate lying to Jan, deep down I feel it’s what’s best. I won’t keep Thane and I from her forever. But until the time is right, there is no need for her to know yet, and I would never want to hurt her, her being Ben’s mom and all. Braxley doesn’t even know we’re seeing each other yet. That needs to come first, and when it’s time, I’ll let Jan know too.

Chapter 25 Thane “Were you planning on telling me that you’re seeing someone?” Char asks me with an irritated tone to her voice. Jack is in the room, and I don’t want him to hear us talk or see me get upset, so I tell him, “Will you make sure you got everything from your room, buddy?” He runs down the hall, and I turn to Char, knowing I don’t have much time. “How’s it any of your business?” “Well, seeing as my son spends the majority of his time at some woman’s house, I think I deserve to know who she is.” “Coming from you, the one who spent hours on end shopping while our son did what?” I wait for her to respond and she rolls her eyes. “That’s different, Thane!” “The hell it is. You know Jack is my number one priority so I’d never put him in a bad situation.” “But maybe she would. Who is she?” Char asks, aggravating me even more. Getting very close to her, I look her in the eye. Any feelings I ever had for her are long gone. “She’s everything you’re not and exactly what I’ve been searching my whole life for.” “Fuck you!” she snarls and slams her fists against my chest. I turn my back on her and walk down the hall, lifting Jack with one arm, his bag in the other, and we walk out. She has no right to question me or act like I owe her an explanation. She’s lucky I’m even letting her see Jack right now with how irresponsible she’s been. She blows through her money, well, my money I give to her, and until very recently all the woman did was shop. “Why are you and Mama fighting?” he asks me. “We weren’t fighting, buddy, just talking about grownup stuff. Did you have fun?” He nods his head, but he doesn’t seem as enthusiastic as last time. “Well, what did you guys do?” “Not much, I talked to Braxley a lot on the radio, until Mama took it away.” “Why did she do that?” “I don’t know.” “I’m sorry, little man. What do you say we head over there, and you guys can play all day?” “Can we swim in their pool?” “Uh, sure,” I tell him, wondering what gave him that idea. “Yes!” he exclaims, “Braxley’s grandma got him a new Aquaman, and it swims.” “Well…swimming it is, then,” I tell him and we make a quick stop by our house so we can change into our swimming trunks. Pulling up to Faye’s, she and Braxley are just unloading groceries. “Let me help you with that,” I tell her, getting out of my car and walking up to her. I want to lay a big kiss on her fine ass but don’t, not with the boys around. She lets me take the bags from her hands, and we follow the boys inside. With their backs to us, I lean down and kiss her cheek. Her eyes light up, and I ask her, “Where do you want this stuff?” “On the island, please.” “Can we swim, Mommy?” “Of course. Jack, do you have trunks to wear?”

He nods his head and lifts his shirt up, showing her his trunks that he’s wearing. She chuckles and tells Braxley to go change. “Apparently, they’ve been talking about this on the walkies. That was until Char took Jack’s away.” “She did? Why would she do that?” “You got me. He didn’t seem to know either. Speaking of Char, she asked about you.” “Really? How does she know about me?” “I don’t know.” “What did you tell her?” she asks me. “That you’re everything she’s not and exactly what I’ve been searching my whole life for.” Faye freezes, her face blushes, and I pull her into a tight embrace. “Is that how you really feel?” she asks me. “It is.” Taking my thumb, I rub it over her lips, imagining them around my shaft. Then the boys bust into the room, and we pull apart. Thinking back on things, Jack must’ve said something to Char. It’s the only way she could’ve known about Faye and I. That’s also got to be why she took his radio away. Worrying now that Jack knows, he deserves to understand things. Same with Braxley, too. I don’t want either of the boys to be worried or confused. They’re too young and have both been through so much in their young lives already. “I don’t know what to say,” she tells me. “You don’t need to say anything. But I do think we need to talk to the boys about us.” “Can we swim?” they yell at us at the same time, and we respond together, “Yes!” I lift my shirt over my head, knowing I have to follow the boys outside. She stares at my abs, and what I really can’t wait for is to see her in her swimming suit. “One, two, three,” the boys chant and jump into the pool at the same time, making a huge splash. I dive in after them, the warm water feels so good, and the second they see me, they scream and try to swim away from me, but I lift Jack up and toss him as Braxley climbs onto my back, and I pretend to drown. “Did you just drown me on purpose?” I ask Braxley when I come back up for air. He nods his head, giving me an evil little smirk. “Oh, I’m gonna get you.” He screams, and I swim across the pool, letting the boys get away as they swim past me with all of their strength. They keep looking back laughing, and then all of my attention is pulled towards the back door as Faye walks out wearing a simple white one piece. It hugs her body perfectly, pushing her tits up and…don’t look at her pussy, don’t look at her pussy, don’t look at her pussy. But fuck, I can’t help it. Lord help me, this woman will surely be the death of me. She tosses the boys in some dive sticks and then sits on the edge. I swim up to her, stopping right between her legs. “Are you trying to kill me?” I whisper. “Maybe.” “Well…it’s working,” I tell her and pretend to have a heart attack, falling backward and sinking to the bottom. When I come up for air I’m bombarded by the boys, they attack me, and I yell for Faye’s help as they push me under. “Please!” I holler again, spitting water out of my mouth, but she doesn’t budge. With Braxley and Jack climbing all over me, I stop and tell them in a quiet tone, “What do you guys say we try and get Faye into the pool?” They nod, and Faye asks us, gently kicking her feet back and forth in the water, “What are you guys plotting?”

“You stay out of this, woman!” I tease her and then devise a plan to get her into the pool. “Ready?” I ask them, and Braxley goes into acting mode. Climbing up the stairs of the pool as he says, “Mommy, I scraped my knee, and it hurts so bad.” She becomes worried, zoning in on it and he smiles at me. Jack and I slowly swim to her. Then like a pair of sneaky sharks, we grab her legs as Braxley pushes her from behind and she screams, falling in. Once she surfaces, she’s pissed, and I tell Braxley, “Jump to me. I’ll save you.” He jumps over his mom’s head and with both the boys clinging to me, we prepare for a showdown.

Chapter 26 Faye “You know I haven’t swum in that pool in over a year,” I tell Thane as we share a tub of ice cream on my couch. “No? Why not?” “I couldn’t bring myself to without Ben.” “Oh geez, I’m sorry. I didn’t think.” “It’s okay. I’m glad I did it.” “So you’re okay with it?” “Yeah, it was easier than I thought it would be. You guys made it fun. I honestly didn’t think about Ben once.” “I’m proud of you, Faye.” “Thanks,” I tell him and nuzzle close to his chest. He holds me tightly, the way I’ve grown to love and to be dependent upon. “How do you think the boys took things?” he asks me, and his question takes me back to our talk in the pool earlier today. “I think they are okay with it. What do you think?” “They seemed happy.” “Yeah, they do, but I still can’t believe Jack asked if we could all live together.” “I know, babe, their little minds sometimes run away with things,” he tells me. My heart warms hearing “babe” roll off his lips, and I have to agree. They took the news well. We told them that we liked each other, and Thane kept it very simple by plainly stating I’m his girlfriend. Both Jack and Braxley are smart as hell, so they know what that means. “Hey, I’ve been thinking, what would you think if we all take a trip together or something?” Thane asks me. “That would be fun.” “Where do you think we should go?” “Where do you take six-year-old little boys?” “Disneyland, that’s where you fuckin’ take them!” Thane exclaims excitedly, almost startling me, and I know Braxley would love to go. Especially because it was on Ben’s bucket list. We’d talked about it with him. But seeing as he spiraled downward so quickly…we never made the trip. However, I can’t let that hold me back now. Ben would be pissed if I did. So I tell Thane, “Disneyland would be great.” “Yeah?” he asks, and I nod excitedly. “When should we go?” his eyes are dancing in the dim light. “Whenever.” “Can I fly us?” he asks, and the thought of having to fly makes my stomach churn. I’ve always been used to driving for vacations, but knowing what Thane does for a living, there is no way he’d do that. “I can probably use one of my clients’ planes. You could even sit up front with me, babe.” “Whoa! Now let’s slow down. I typically don’t fly.” “I know, you’ve told me. But I want to get you over that fear.” “I think I need to sleep on that,” I tell him as my fear of flying consumes me. It terrifies me. “I bet you do,” he says and gets up, locking the basement door. Then he slowly pushes me backward,

his body covering mine, making me forget about everything except for him in this moment. He takes the ice cream and sets it down. My hands hold him close to me and like he usually does, he lathers my body with kisses. Each one sends a jolt of excitement running through my veins. The boys are long asleep, it’s past midnight, and Thane just keeps moving farther and farther down my body, his lips now resting right above my sex and as he shimmies my pants down, I grip his hair stopping him, knowing his mouth will make me come, and I want to savor my time with him. He looks up at me with the biggest eyes and takes both of my hands, holding them together in between one of his large hands. “Don’t stop me,” he growls and rubs my pussy with two of his fingers. He keeps rubbing back and forth over my clit, making me forget about everything. “Yes, that’s it,” he tells me, and I close my eyes moaning a little bit. Just when I start to feel my body climax, he slides down my pants and stares at my sex. He grumbles something inaudible and then spreads my pussy open, sinking two fingers inside me. I toss my head back and let him do whatever he wants to me. Every push and pull has my body floating on a cloud of bliss. My pussy is so wet, and then he stops. “What’s wrong?” I ask as he drops his pants. “Nothing, I just need inside you.” With one foot on the floor and my other resting on the back of the couch, I’m spread open wide, watching his hard shaft, so big as he gently rubs it on my pussy. Then he pushes it down and sinks inside me. “Jesus,” I pant, watching our bodies move together. He rubs my clit with his thumb and fucks me. Fire burns inside me, spreading from my pussy, throughout my entire body. I can no longer watch him moving. Leaning back on the arm of the couch, I get lost in a tailspin of ecstasy. He fucks me so perfectly, and as my body spirals, his eyes encourage me on. I thrash, bucking beneath him, but his movements don’t falter. He pulls my orgasm from me, and I moan, relishing in the ecstasy—in my release—in Thane.

Chapter 27 Thane “Thank you so much, Mr. Deveraux,” I tell my client and then hang up the phone with him. Mr. Deveraux owns a handbag company and is currently in China looking for a new factory to work with. He won’t be back for a week, so he agreed to let me borrow his jet to take Faye and the boys to Disneyland this weekend. Dialing Faye, she answers after a couple rings. Her voice is like music to my ears. “What are you up to?” she asks me as I’m sitting in Denver waiting for our next flight. “Not much, just in the Mile High City. Guess who I just got off the phone with?” “Uhh, I have no clue,” she says, and I realize it was kinda dumb of me to ask her in the first place. “The guy who owns the plane I wanted to borrow to go to Disneyland.” “Oh really? What did he say?” “That we can use it this weekend.” “This weekend as in tomorrow?” “Yeah, isn’t that great?” “Uh, isn’t Char supposed to have Jack this weekend?” “What’s that matter? Macy’s is probably having a sale, so she won’t care.” “Really? You’d do that to her?” “Babe, she’d do the same thing to me. Hell, she did. Our entire marriage all she did was lie about everything. She never wanted me home to be with her, it was so I could watch Jack, and she could shop.” “So what are you gonna tell her then?” “Nothing, I have primary custody.” “Thane!” she scolds me and Elliott gives me a crooked glance. “Fine, I’ll talk to her about it.” “Good.” I’m not sure what it matters to Faye anyway. But I always want to make sure she’s happy. “Are we still on for dinner?” she asks me. “Of course. I can’t wait. We should be taking off here in about thirty minutes.” “Okay, well, fly safe. I’m gonna go get the boys.” “Tell Jack I miss him.” “I will. Bye, Thane.” “Goodbye, beautiful.” “Holy shit!” Elliot exclaims, “You’re pussy whipped.” “Fuck off, man.” He’s leaning back in his seat just staring at me. “I would’ve never thought it would happen to you, of all people.” “You know what your problem is, man?” He tips his head to me, waiting for my response. “You focus too much on other people.” “What else do I have to do?” “Try to find someone who makes you as happy as Faye makes me.” “Nah, not with work.” “Captain?” Sasha, one of the stewardesses, says, as she pops her head into the flight cabin. “Are we

clear to board the plane?” “Yes, ma’am.” She smiles at Elliot, keeping her eyes on him for far too long. Then walks away from us. “Like Sasha,” I tell Elliot. “She’s into you. Why don’t you try and actually date someone for once?” “Because I’ve already fucked her on a trip last month and I don’t have time to date, fool?” “But you do have time to find someone different to hook up with every night of the week?” “How the hell did this get turned back on me? You’re the one who’s pussy whipped!” So what if I am. Is that such a bad thing? Isn’t that what happens to all guys eventually? *** Leaving the airport after one hell of a bumpy flight from Denver to Seattle, I can’t wait to see Faye, to touch her sexy ass. The thought alone has my cock swelling and then that all stops as I get a text from Char. Do you think Jack could stay from Friday through Sunday? Hearing from her reminds me of what I have to do. So I pick up my phone and call her. “Hello?” she answers. “Hey, I just got your text. Why do you need him all weekend?” “I was gonna take him to that new water park that opened up, and the weather looks really good, so we might go a few times.” “Can you do it next weekend?” “No, I can’t.” “Why not?” I ask her, aggravated that she can’t switch her plans when I always let her have him whenever she asks. Probably more so than I should. “Because I’m looking forward to this and being with him helps a lot with my addiction and keeping away from shopping.” “So what you really mean is you’re about to break, and you want him to keep you busy all weekend?” “No, Thane, that’s not it at all. I just thought he’d like to go, and it’s cheaper if I buy a weekend pass.” “Well, you’re spending my money, so don’t act like you’re pinching pennies or doing me any favors.” The goddamn alimony still pisses me off and the credit cards I’m paying for, that she wracked up shopping when we were married. It doesn’t make sense to me why it all falls on my shoulders. “You’re such an asshole; you know that?” “I know, you’ve told me plenty of times, and in order to keep up my reputation I’m gonna have to cancel your weekend with Jack all together.” “Why?!” she screams and as much as I want to rub into her face how good things are going for me, I won’t. “He just got invited to a sleepover birthday party, and he’s really looking forward to it.” “I can take him to it.” “No, you can’t.” “Oh…now I get it, it’s for that little boy he was talking to on the radio. The son of the tramp you’re screwing.” “Fuck you, Charlene!” “Fuck you, Thane!” I hang up, aggravated at her. She knows exactly how to push my buttons, better than anyone. But, with the weekend ahead of us, I’m not about to let anything or anyone bring me down.

Chapter 28 Faye “Come on, boys!” Thane hollers to Jack and Braxley who are eating like two snails at the breakfast bar. My stomach is tight, full of butterflies knowing today we not only fly to California but will cross something off Ben’s bucket list. “Why are you rushing us, it’s not even light out?” Braxley says, and I chuckle a little, loving how strong of a little man he’s turning into. “Because today is gonna be amazing!” Thane is looking at his iPad as he sips his coffee and I glance at the screen. “What is that?” “Our flight plan,” he whispers since the boys don’t know we are going yet. I swallow away the anxiety, regretting even asking and he asks me, “Are you really that nervous?” I nod my head, and he pulls me into a tight hug. “Oh gross,” the boys complain. That’s their new thing lately. Girls are gross—they have cooties. “Go brush your teeth, you little dirtballs,” Thane tells them in a teasing manner. They laugh at him, but both walk down the hallway. Thane cups my face, staring into my eyes. The closeness and his touch feel so good. “You know I won’t let anything happen to us, right?” I nod, my hands resting against his chest and my heart pounding hard. “Then is something else bothering you?” “No, I don’t know. I mean, it’s hard to imagine going without Ben…but I know the boys are gonna love the vacation, and I’m excited for us all to be together away from life here.” “They are gonna love it, babe. And Ben will be right there with us, too.” He kisses the top of my hair, and I lay my head against his chest. The feeling of contentment I get when I’m in his arms is unreal. I never thought after I lost Ben that I’d get a second chance at happiness, but with Thane, that is exactly what he brings me every day. “Are you really gonna take us to school this early?” Jack asks us from the bathroom. “Absolutely!” Thane yells. And I hate to lie to them, but I also know the surprise will all be worth it. Thane asks me, “Do you have everything packed?” “I think so.” “Good, now from this moment on, you will let go of all your worries and stress.” “Does it have to be both?” I tease him, and he squeezes both my ass cheeks. This vacation is just what I need. What we all need. “I’m going to do my best to stay in the moment and not let anything stress me.” “Good,” he says and kisses me. After getting the boys dressed, the car loaded, and finally out of the house; we’re on our way. The sun is just starting to rise, and I know Thane wanted to take off during the sunrise, but…with two kids, being on time is almost always unlikely. “Why are you taking the long way to school?” Jack asks. “Why do you ask so many questions?” Thane responds to him, and I hear him and Braxley chuckle. Thane has his hand on my thigh, and I hold on to it. “You good?” He asks me as he pulls into the parking lot for our local post office.

“Yeah.” “Good. I’ve gotta run in here and check my mail, but I’ll be right back out.” He goes inside, and I turn to the boys, both are playing on their iPads, not paying attention to me. It’s not but a minute later, and Thane walks out, carrying a single box. He puts it into the back of his SUV, and as he gets inside, I ask him, “What is that?” “It’s a surprise.” The word “surprise” perks the boys’ ears right up. “Ooh, is it candy?” “No way!” “Can you give us a hint?” “I could, but…I’d rather not.” The boys and I keep trying to guess what’s in the box for the rest of the drive. Then as we pull up to airport, my mind switches from the bag—to flying. “Why are we here?” Jack asks. Thane puts the car in park, and we all unload from it. Standing in the parking lot, he points across it to a sleek white jet and says to them, “See that plane?” They nod excitedly, “What would you say if I offered to fly us all to Disneyland for the weekend?” Their eyes get wide, and both jump up and down enthusiastically, screeching like maniacs. “Are you serious?” “Cross my heart!” Thane tells them, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen Braxley happier than he is in this moment. Thane and I unload the car and the boys race across the lot to the plane. “Can we go inside?” Jack hollers to us. “Sure can.” They disappear, and Thane asks me, “Are you ready?” “As ready as I’ll ever be.” We enter the plane, and the boys are running around thrilled as they explore the plane. Thane follows behind me and locks the door, causing my adrenaline to spike that much more, now being locked in here. Then he loads our bags into the overhead bins, and I focus on staying calm. “Are you ready to see what’s in here?” he asks us all with the mystery package in hand. But before he can say anything else, the boys yank it from him and tear it to shreds as they open it. They pull out what appears to be t-shirts. They each got their own, and as they look at their names written across it in the unique Disney style font, both remove their shirts and put the new ones on. Thane hands me mine which I hold up, tears clouding my eyes as I read “Mom” written across it. “What’s yours say?” I ask him and when he shows me “Dad,” I smile. I’m okay with things; in fact, I wouldn’t have it any other way. “Thank you, Thane,” Braxley tells him and gives him a big hug. “Where’s my thanks?” he asks Jack who crashes into him as he’s kneeling down, still holding on to Braxley. With the boys in his arms, he says to them, “Now, flying this plane is a big task. Do you think you guys can behave and stay in your seats?” “You’re flying the plane?” Braxley asks him. “I am, and your mom’s gonna sit up front and help me.” “Wow, that’s so cool.” “I want this seat,” Jack hollers and runs claiming the one he wants. Braxley gives Thane another hug and whispers something into his ear before he plops next to Jack. “Are you ready, beautiful?” Thane asks me. I nod, swallowing, not sure if I am ready, but knowing I don’t really have a choice.

He leads me up front to the cockpit, and the sheer volume of controls ignites my anxiety. “Take your seat.” I listen, and he helps me strap up, then sits down next to me. “Put your headset on.” I stare at it, not able to move, my adrenaline peaking and I shake my head, telling him, “I don’t think I can do this.” “Sure, you can.” “No!” My palms are sweaty, and I reach for the buckles on the restraint. “I can’t.” However, as I go to unbuckle myself, Thane says to me, “‘Thank you for taking me on my first flight’— that’s what Braxley whispered to me.” My eyes get wide, and I look at him as he sits so confidently in the seat next to me. “Everything is going to be okay, Faye. The weather is clear, this plane is practically brand new, and you trust me, right? “I do,” I tell him because it’s the truth. “Then take a deep breath and let go of your fears.” My hands are balled into fists, and I search for the strength to listen to him, for my son. My eyes are shut tight as he begins the process. All I hear are switches and the motors coming to life as he starts the plane. Then he calls over the intercom, “Boys, you ready for takeoff?” I hear them answer and look back to see they haven’t a worry in the world. So why am I so scared? They are chatting it up, strapped safely into their seats. As Thane radios into the control tower, I want to hear what they are saying, so I reach for my headset, putting it over my ears right as they give him the clearance for takeoff. “Ready?” he asks me pulling the plane down the runway. I nod and close my eyes again, feeling Ben’s presence with us. He’s with us today—every day—and will guide us there safely. Thane talks to the control tower again, then to me as he says, “Open your eyes, babe, enjoy this.” I look at him, and he winks, then the plane charges down the runway, going from zero to what feels like top speed within seconds. My blood pressure is through the roof as we lift off. My hands are gripping my seat, and I close my eyes, scared to death. My ears pop, but the take off is very smooth. Looking over at Thane, he’s got the controls in his talented hands and knowing how capable he is reassures me. I look at the sights around us, my death grip finally loosening on my seat, and to my surprise, my stomach settles watching the ground get smaller and smaller, the higher we get. The noise of the boys in the background is like music to my ears, and I zone in on it. Reaching over, Thane rubs my cheek with the back of his knuckles, I lean into his touch and thank not only God but Ben for giving me this amazing man and a second chance at love.

Chapter 29 Thane “We have our own room?!” Braxley yells as the boys jump up and down on their beds. “Yup,” I tell them. “How did you plan all of this?” Faye asks me, as I sling my arm over her shoulder and we gaze out at the sights of Disneyland together. “It was easy. Being in my line of work, I called in a few favors.” “Thank you for this,” she tells me, and I lean in to kiss her, but the boys charge into our room ruining the moment. “The fireworks are going off,” they say, and we all spot the astonishing display that lights the night sky. We spent the day at the main Disneyland theme park, doing as much as we could, minus staying for the nightly fireworks show. “Wow!” Jack says and leans into me. I hold on to him tightly, grateful that we are all here together. Then there is a knock on our door, and I go to answer it. The room service we ordered for dinner is here. The employee’s wheel in the two carts of food we ordered and I tell them, “Thank you,” handing each one a tip from my wallet. The boys rip the covers off the food and start eating their fries. “Did you boys pick a movie yet?” Faye asks them. “Yup!” They run into their room, and I wheel the cart after them. Once they are situated and comfortable in their beds, with their meals, I go back into our room and find Faye waiting for me with a glass of wine. “Here you go,” she hands me the glass, and I hold her chin in between my thumb and forefinger. Molding my lips over hers, she melts into me, kissing me softly, holding her glass of wine so gingerly that at any moment it might fall to the floor. “I want you,” I tell her. “Me too.” But her stomach growls and I know we need to eat. Plus, the boys will be out soon and then we’ll have our time together. “Let’s eat.” I pull her chair out for her, and she sits down at the table in front of the window of our room. As I start to eat my steak, she watches me, not yet touching her food and I ask her, “What?” “Nothing, I’m just admiring you. That’s all.” “Are you now?” I ask her and give her a sexy grin. She smirks back at me and lifts a forkful of her pasta to her mouth. I’ve never seen someone make eating such a sexy thing. “I am. I’m not sure how I got so lucky.” “Oh, I could say the same thing.” And I could. Faye is by far the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. Her strength and resilience are something else. Something that I wish I had. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, if I ever had to endure half of what she’s been through, I wouldn’t be able to go on. At least not the way Faye does. She’s an amazing mother, always putting Braxley first. “What are you thinking?” she asks me and I find myself now not eating, only focusing on her. “Nothing. Did you have fun today?” “I had a blast, but I don’t think I had as much fun as the boys did.” “No way, they loved it.” “Do you hear that?” she asks me and I listen for the noise. All I hear is the television from next-door,

then my ears zone in and I think I hear snoring. “Are they already out?” We both get up from the table and glance into their room. Sure enough, the little guys are tuckered out. Braxley is snoring, sitting up with half his chicken strips still on the plate. Faye takes his plate, setting it on the cart before she pulls the covers over him and I do the same for Jack. She kisses each of them good night, and I stand stunned, my heart warmed by her affection towards my son. As I press the power button on the TV, she wheels their cart of half eaten food back into our room. With her hands wrapped around the handle, I hold on to her hips and grind myself against her ass. She glances over her shoulder at me, and I raise my eyebrows at her. She bites her bottom lip, and I toss her over my shoulder, carrying her into our bedroom. Quietly, she giggles against my back, and I latch the door locking it. Glancing around the room, the bed is so inviting; I can already imagine Faye naked on it. Setting her feet on the ground, she grabs the hem of her shirt and pulls it over her head. My hands cup her tits, yanking them out from beneath her bra and she shivers when I pinch her nipples. The feeling of holding on to her like this, makes me want her even more. She reaches behind herself and unclasps her bra. I let go of her, and slowly she slides it down her arms. Then, out of the blue, she drops to her knees. The sight of her kneeling in front of me like this makes me so horny. “Can I suck you?” she asks, unbuttoning my jeans. “Fuck yes!” I tell her eagerly. Then she lets my pants fall to the floor and takes my cock out, stroking me from base to tip. Heat radiates in my balls with every movement of her hand. My eyes are on her lips, wanting her to wrap them around me. She licks them, and I nudge forward, getting distracted by her tits. God, they are perfect. Plump with hard pink nipples. I could fuck them, and as I imagine my cock pressed down on her sternum, she pulls me out of my erotic daydream by taking my shaft all the way into her mouth. “Oh fuck, baby,” I tell her, and she lets go of my dick, holding her boobs, one in each hand. She bobs fiercely up and down on me; her full lips stretched wide as she takes almost all of me into her mouth, playing with her nipples. Reaching down, I hold on to the back of her head. Pushing her further down around me as I nudge into her. With her lips pressed down around me, pulling the skin of my shaft with every stroke, she swirls her tongue over the end and a violent orgasm brews inside me. Ready to be free, I go to pull out of her mouth, but she grips my ass and holds me close. I lose my control, my entire body tensing. I let go of her head, giving her free rein to do what she wants. My cum coats the back of her throat, and she moans, swallowing every bit I give her. Once I’m finished, I wait for her to stop, but she doesn’t. Finally, I back out of her mouth and yank her to her feet. “Pants off,” I order her, and she removes them in two swift pulls. Lifting her under her arms, I toss her back on the bed. She lands with her ass just dangling over the edge. Taking her body by the ankles, I run her legs up the front of my body and push my cock inside her. Her tight, wet pussy swallows me whole. And then I spread her wide. She leans up and observes me fucking her as I grip her ankles. “You like watching me fuck your pussy?” “Mhhhmmm,” she whimpers, gripping the comforter. “Touch yourself,” I tell her and her eyes get wide. Fuck, I want to see her rub her own pussy. “Like this,” I say and take her right hand, moving it back and forth over her clit as I stimulate her insides.

“Oh God!” she cries out, and I hold her legs open, slamming into her intensely. With every thrust, I grunt. My eyes scan her whole body, eating up the way her tits bounce from me drilling her, to her own hand pleasing her. Her noises get louder and louder, and I know she’s close. Then her body arches off the bed, and she tries to close her legs as she rubs herself vigorously. I hold her in place, loving what we are together—so powerful—an unstoppable hurricane of pleasure. My balls let loose again, and I shove myself deep inside her, holding still. Able to come just from her pussy muscles flexing tighter and looser around my shaft. When I’m with Faye like this, the pleasure is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, and as she lies under my control, sweaty and panting, I know I’m falling for her—no—I’ve already fallen for her.

Chapter 30 Faye Text me when you’re up. I took the boys out to do some exploring. xoxo, Faye I leave the note on Thane’s nightstand, and then the boys and I sneak out of the hotel room, leaving Thane sleeping peacefully. “Where are we going?” Jack asks me. “Where do you want to go?” “I’m hungry,” Braxley says as we walk down the hallway together. “Then we’ll eat first.” Both of them seem excited to get out and explore. Once we’re in the elevator, I say to the boys, “There’s another reason I wanted you guys to come with me this morning.” “What’s that?” Jack asks. “What do you think would be a good gift to buy for Thane?” “We could get him a Lego set,” Jack says. “Or a new stuffed animal,” Braxley adds. “Not gifts for you guys, for him. Did he say anything to either of you that he wanted yesterday?” Both shake their heads, and the elevator doors open allowing us to walk into the lobby of the hotel. Immediately the scent of coffee invades my nose. We get in line at the coffee shop, and I ask them, “What do you guys want?” and they ogle the case of pastries. “I wanna Mickey donut,” Jack says. “Yeah, me too!” I order my usual coffee and the boys each a donut and milk. I consider getting Thane his Chai Tea Latte, but I pass since I have no clue where we are headed or when we’ll be back to the room. The girl hands the boys their donuts and milk, and I tell them, “Pick a table to sit at.” And they run off sitting by a huge window, that overlooks the outside. I love how close they are; they really are like brothers. I hope that if Thane and I ever break up, the boys can remain friends. I’d hate to break them apart. I know when Thane and I split before after we’d first gotten together, it was hard on Braxley and I’m sure Jack felt the same way. After I add cream and sugar to my coffee, I sit down with them, and both have chocolate smeared across their little faces. “You guys enjoying your breakfast?” “Uh huh,” Jack says. “Hey, Mom, what’s that guy doing outside?” Braxley asks me. And I peek over his shoulder at an older gentleman who is setting up some sort of a cart outside of the hotel. We watch him for a few moments, pop up a huge red umbrella, and then display an array of pictures. “I think he’s a caricaturist.” “What’s that?” “He draws pictures of people and makes them look funny.” “That’s what we should get Dad,” Jack says. “You think he’d like it?” “Uh huh, especially if it made him laugh. He never used to laugh much before you.” “Well then, we must get it done,” I tell him and I can’t envision Thane not being happy, but I guess

before he and I met, he was in a dark place a lot like I was. A single father—going through a divorce— alone. “So, what do you think, should we do it?” I ask Jack, and he says, “Yes!” Once they are finished eating, I know this is the right gift to get him, as there wasn’t a single thing he wanted or seemed interested in yesterday. Jack and Braxley hop out of their chairs. “Throw your milk away,” I tell them and they listen, then I follow them outside the hotel. They run up to the guy, and I’m not far behind them. “Good morning, ma’am,” The man says as the boys inspect his other drawings. “Hi,” I tell him. “Did you draw all these by yourself?” Braxley asks, “They’re so cool.” “Yes, I did. Would you and your brother like one done.” They nod frantically, not even noticing the man called them brothers. I chuckle as they take a seat together basically on one chair and the man looks at me for reassurance. “Would you like to be in the picture too?” I shake my head, but the boys call me over to them. “Come on, Mom!” Braxley hollers and the man says, “Yeah, come on, Mom.” I smile, taking a seat on the other chair, the three of us squeezing in, and I hope Thane likes this gift. I really want to do something nice for him after he’s been so generous. Flying us here and paying for everything and never complaining one bit. As I sit with the boys, I can only imagine how silly this is gonna look. But…that’s what it’s about after all, right? Being here in this place, it’s like being a kid again, and if Thane has shown me one thing, it’s to be myself. *** “Dad’s gonna love this!” Jack says, looking down at the framed picture of him, Braxley, and I as we walk back down the hall towards the hotel room. “It did turn out pretty cool.” I check my phone and don’t see any messages from Thane. He must still be passed out. “Ready to surprise him?” I ask and slip the key into the door. It turns green, and as I turn the handle, we quietly walk towards the bedroom where we find Thane still sleeping. The room is dark, and the boys yell, “Wake up!” He sits right up, then falls back when he sees us, and I open the curtains. “Is it morning already?” he asks, pulling the covers up and over his face. Jack and Braxley, kick off their shoes and climb in bed with Thane. They are like two little monkeys. Jack almost hits Thane in the face with the huge picture, and I take it in my hand, helping him hold on to it as I say, “It’s time to wake up, sleepyhead.” Thane hears my voice and peers out at me. I set his Chai Tea Latte on the nightstand that I grabbed on the way back. But it’s not enough, he burrows back under the covers, and the boys rock back and forth on the bed trying to wake him. “We got you a present!” Jack says in his cute voice, and that gets Thane’s attention. His tired eyes blink a few times, and then he looks at the picture in front of him that I’m holding up “Is this it?” he asks, and they nod together. “Wow! I love it. Now let me guess. This is you, Braxley?” And he points to me on the paper. I sit on the bed next to Thane, and he wraps his arm around me. Braxley tells him, “No, that’s Mommy!” “Now I see it; it is Mommy. Doesn’t she look pretty?” They agree and I watch Thane look at the picture, the smile on his face is clear—this was the perfect gift—he loves it.



Chapter 31 Thane “All right, this is our last day in Disneyland. What do you guys want to do?” I ask the boys as they are playing a game on my phone together while we ride the tram up to the park entrance. “We gotta ride Toy Story!” Jack says. “Yeah, like ten times,” Braxley agrees. “Okay, what else?” “Soarin’!” they yell together, and I glance at Faye, wondering if we’re gonna be able to get her on it today. “No way,” she says. “I’ll get sick; I can’t do simulators.” “Please, Mommy,” Braxley begs her, and I stick out my bottom lip and say the same thing. “Yeah, please, Mommy.” She rolls her eyes and swats me on the arm. “Did you guys see that? She hit me,” I exclaim, and the boys begin to tickle Faye. “Stop!” she hollers, but they don’t give up. “Say you’ll ride it and they’ll stop.” She laughs so loudly, the other people around us are staring, but we don’t care. We came here to have fun, and that is what we are doing. “Okay! Okay! I’ll ride it.” “Yes!” The boys high-five one another, and I wink at Faye as she rubs her side where they just tickled her. “You like my bodyguards?” I ask her, and she sticks her tongue out at me. The tram comes to a stop, and we get off. Walking towards the park entrance, I nuzzle Faye’s neck, kissing her softly. “We’re in Disneyland, Mama,” Jack says, and I glance over to see him talking on my phone. Motherfucker! Char must’ve called him, and he answered it on his own. “Here, she wants to talk to you.” He passes me the phone, and I press mute. “Go ahead. I’ll catch up,” I tell them. Faye takes both of their hands, knowing if I’m asking them to go that something is wrong. And the second I bring the phone to my ear, I hear Char yelling, “Thane! Thane!” “Yeah, what’s up? I’m here.” “For Christ’s sake, are you really in Disneyland?” “Yeah, why?” “That’s why you’ve been ignoring my texts. You can’t take him out of the state without my consent! What are you thinking?” “Don’t patronize me, Char. The judge gave me primary custody for a reason. He’s safe and having the time of his life.” “That doesn’t matter. It’s part of the custody agreement. You should’ve told me.” “It really didn’t even cross my mind.” “But lying and saying he had a birthday party did?” “I knew you would say no if you knew we were going with Faye and her son!” “Damn straight I would. I don’t even know her, and you have her watching my son. I could call the cops right now and say you kidnapped him. They’d put out an Amber alert.”

“Holy fuck, Charlene! Calm down!” I rake my hand through my hair, pacing. “There’s no reason for you to even be thinking that. He’s safe with me, and we’ll be home tonight.” “I want to see him as soon as you’re home.” “No way, it’ll be late, plus he has school tomorrow. Why don’t you just go shopping or something? I just paid your Amex card so you should be good, it’ll make you feel better and forget about all this!” “Goddammit, Thane! Why would you say that? Can’t you see I’m trying here?” “Because it’s the truth. Don’t you get it? You chose shopping over Jack and me; you were a terrible fucking wife, so why wouldn’t you turn to that now?” “Fuck you! I’m calling the cops!” “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, you’re right, I should’ve told you.” I tuck my tail between my legs, not wanting to, but knowing it’s for the best interests of my son. “Yeah, you should’ve,” she screams. “I know, I’m sorry again. I’ll have him call you as soon as we land.” We hang up, and I look up to the sky, wondering how I got so unlucky when it came to Jack’s mother. If only Faye could be his mom, things would be so much easier. But I know if that were the case, he wouldn’t be Jack, he’d be someone different, and as much as I despise Char, I would never change a thing about Jack. Sticking my phone into my pocket, I spot Faye and the boys waiting for me outside of the park entrance. I walk up to them, and Faye says, “Jack can’t get in without your fingerprint.” “Dang, sorry, I forgot.” “Is Mama okay?” “Yeah, buddy, she’s great. She was just making plans for this weekend with you.” Once we’re in the park, the boys get in line for a ride, and Faye and I wait for them outside. “What happened?” she asks me. “I…I didn’t exactly tell her we were coming here.” “Why not?” “Because I knew she’d freak out, just like she did.” Then I fill her in on our entire conversation, and she says to me. “I get it, Thane, but you have to keep her in the loop, especially with this kind of stuff. Even as much of a pain in the ass as she is.” “But she would’ve said no!” “Maybe she would’ve or maybe not? But if you don’t ask, how do you know? What if she took him out of state, how would you feel?” “I’d fuckin’ kill her.” “Exactly. I’m on your side here, babe, I really am, but…you have to keep her informed when it comes to him.” I kick a stray rock and Faye pulls me into a hug. Wrapping my arms around her, I hold her close, thankful to be here with her and to have her on my side. Minus Jack, she’s really all I need. But she is right; I do need to keep Char in the loop on things even if I don’t want to, it’s the right thing to do.

Chapter 32 Faye “Oh my God,” Thane says looking at the picture of me on Space Mountain from the first day. We just picked up all of our photos, and I don’t think it’s that bad, is it? “You look petrified!” “I was,” I tell him and can hear the boys wrestling in their room. “Well, regardless, you’re still beautiful.” “Oh please.” “What? It’s the truth,” he says and kisses my cheek. I glance at the clock and know we need to get heading out, even though I don’t want to. “Boys, you ready?” I call out, and Thane says to me, “Do we have to go?” “I know, I don’t want to either, but we have to.” “It’s so perfect being here, with our own room and this bed.” And it has been amazing. I’ve loved our time here so much and will always cherish it. As nervous as I was to come here, with this being on Ben’s bucket list, that didn’t seem to come into play. We made the trip all our own, just the four of us, and deep down inside of me, I know Ben watched over and is proud of every step I’ve taken towards healing. Looking back, those steps would not be possible without Thane. He’s so patient and loving and shown me it’s okay to be myself, to love again in my own time. And that is exactly what’s happening; I’m falling in love with Thane, and Jack too. And there is no stopping it, I’m on a one-way track looking forward and hope to never go back to my dark, painful days. *** “Let’s just stay at your house,” I tell Thane as we drive away from the airport in Seattle. It’s closest, and the boys are passed out. Thankfully, the flight was smooth again, this time my prior anxiety had vanished. Thane was right, all I needed was to fly under the control of a capable pilot, and that is exactly what Thane is…very capable. “You sure?” he asks me. “Yeah, Braxley has clothes for school, and I could use a good night’s rest in your bed.” “You should get a new bed,” he tells me, and I know I should. I should do a lot of things, but some of the things I have to face in the future are scary and will push my limits, and right now I’m in such a good place, I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to go back; I want to let the past go and focus only on the future, my future with Thane. “One day, I’ll handle everything I still need to.” “And until then, you could just move in with me? You have to admit our time was perfect, from the boys to us, we are all meant to be together. So why don’t we stop carting them around and live together?” I think about his offer and know he’s right. I know I can’t have them move into my home, it would be wrong. “So it’s settled?” I ask. “Absolutely, so it’s settled!” And I guess it is. As we pull up to his house, we both glance back at the boys. They are out cold, which

is to be expected—we did stay in California longer than we’d planned. But it’s hard to leave when you’re having the time of your life. I unstrap Braxley, and he takes Jack, then we head inside his home and lay them down in Jack’s bed. Neither of them moves a muscle as I cover them up and we close the door to Jack’s room. “They’re so cute,” I tell Thane, and before he can respond, we’re both startled by a shadow across his house. He flips a light on to expose Charlene sitting on his sofa. “What the fuck are you doing here in the dark, crazy?!” he asks her angrily and she looks at the way he’s protectively holding me behind him. “You know, I was minutes away from calling the cops, Thane. It’s goddam one in the morning.” “And I’m seconds away from calling the cops. You can’t come in here like this. I told you that already.” I can see the despair in her eyes. She’s scared for the safety of her son, and I get that. With her and Thane separating and her giving up her shopping addiction, Jack’s all she’s got. “You promised me you’d call when you landed. I’ve been calling you for hours, and your phone is off. What did you expect?” “Not for you to be in my house,” Thane says, pissed, and I don’t want them to fight. I want to help settle things between the two of them. “Just calm down,” I tell them both and walk up to Char, who has a disgusted look smeared across her face. “Don’t tell me to calm down,” she snickers. “I’m not trying to cause problems,” I tell her. “But you are. You’re with my son more that I am and I don’t even know you.” “Then get to know me. My name is Faye. It’s nice to see you again,” I tell her and outstretch my hand in a friendly gesture. She stares at it like I’ve got the plague, but I don’t falter, I wait for her to take it. I know this isn’t going to be easy, but I’m in this for the long haul with Thane, and part of that means getting to know his ex. And finally, to my surprise, she delicately takes my hand in hers as tears gloss over her blue eyes. “Nice to meet you,” she stutters. Thane is silent, and I ask her, “Would you like to have a glass of wine and talk?” “No, I should go, I just needed to make sure my son was okay.” “I think you should stay.” In the kitchen, I can hear Thane getting the wine, and I direct her to sit on the sofa. She places her hands on top of her lap and asks me, “Why are you being so nice to me?” “Because I know how much that little boy means to you.” “He’s everything to me,” she says, and Thane hands us each a glass of wine. I set mine down, making sure I stay clear and level-headed. She takes a sip, the tears in her eyes slowly dissipating. “I know—he’s amazing.” Thane sits in the chair across from us, propping his feet up on the coffee table as he swigs his beer. I give him a quick glance, and he returns my gesture with a wink. “I’m sorry we were late, it’s my fault.” “No, don’t be. I was just nervous that’s all.” She’s warming up to me already, her breathing is slowing, and I can tell by just sitting here that she’s going to be okay with things. “Char, I want you to know I’m not here to take your place. Jack loves you so much, and nothing will ever change that. But with Thane and I together, that means the three of us have to learn how to cohesively work together. Thane?” I call out to him, and he looks like he’s in a trance. “That means you have to keep

Char in the loop when it comes to Jack.” “I’ll do a better job, but Char, I’m still worried that you’re going to go back to your old ways.” “Will you stop saying that and please just give me a chance? This time it’s different, our little boy was hurt because I was so wrapped up in a stupid shopping habit. I won’t go back to that place, no matter what, I promise you.” As I observe the two of them talk, I don’t think they realize how lucky they are to have one another to lean on for Jack. I don’t have Ben anymore. If I did, even if we were divorced, I’d do everything in my power to respect him. Losing him has given me an entirely different perspective on so many things. “Okay,” he agrees with her, and I hope he will give her a chance. I don’t know Char from Adam, but the one thing I do know is a mother’s love is powerful, and when your child’s existence is put into jeopardy, everything does change. It happened with me when I lost Ben. I was so scared I would fail raising Braxley or even lose him too. It caused me to become obsessed, but I quickly found out, it’s not healthy or a good way to live. I know better than anyone that each day is not guaranteed, all we have is each moment—each breath—and now I cherish my life more than ever.

Chapter 33 Thane “Jesus Christ, you’re amazing,” I tell Faye, pumping my cock in and out of her pussy. She moans in response, so sexily. Her body is stretched along my bed, and I hope from now on, I’ll have her in it every night. We’ve been going at it for what feels like hours now. It’s past three in the morning and sweat is dripping off my body, but I can’t stop. I love everything about this woman. Then the words fall from my lips, “I love you!” and the second I tell her, she responds back through a trembled breath, her body letting go at the same time she speaks. “I love you.” Hearing those three little words come from her lips, sends me on a wild ride and I lift her tight body in my hands, holding her by her ass as I fuck her, pulling another orgasm from her. I don’t think I can come again, but as she pinches her tits with one hand, looking up at me as she rubs her pussy with the other, like I’ve showed her I like, my body spasms, and I grunt loudly, coming inside her. As our bodies settle, I set her down and fall to her side. My cock is still hard; it’s what she does to me —I could really go, again and again, all night long. With my head on her shoulder, she holds me, running her fingers through my sweaty hair. “Are you okay with everything?” I whisper worried that I spoke the words too soon, but her response tells me that’s a pointless worry. “I’ve never been better, Thane.” “Good, me either.” As I lie with her, she is still running her hand through my hair. My eyes are heavy, my body spent from so much fucking, and I close my eyes, sleep quickly taking over. *** Waking up, the sun is shining through my bedroom window. I reach next to me for Faye, but she’s not in bed. Rubbing my eyes, I can hear the boys laughing in the other room, so I know she’s up with them. It’s a little after eight in the morning, and I could get used to waking up like this every day. As I will myself to get out of bed, my thoughts are taken back to last night. To how amazing Faye was with Char. She was so nice and caring and settled what ultimately would’ve been a huge blow-up. The laughter from the other room is too much to handle. I have to see what’s going on. Getting out of bed, I toss a t-shirt on, and as I round the corner, I can see Faye holding a huge pancake over her face. It’s got chocolate chip eyes and a chocolate chip mouth, and she’s pretending to talk as it. The boys are laughing so hard, that their little arms are covering their stomachs as they kneel on the stools at the breakfast bar. Faye pulls the pancake down, and right away her eyes lock with mine. Her face blushes and I push myself off the wall I’m leaning on walking right into the kitchen. “Do it again!” Jack hollers, and she says, “I can’t—I’ve gotta cook the rest of the pancake family.” “Please,” Braxley begs, and I hug then kiss both boys on the top of their hair. “Morning, baby,” I say to Faye and kiss her red cheeks as she concentrates on cooking. She smiles, and I lift the pancake to my face, looking at her then the boys as I say to her again, “Mr.

Pancakeface said good morning.” I peer around the food, and she pecks her lips towards me. Then I lean on the counter top, facing the boys. They clap as I prepare to give them my best pancakeface reenactment.

Chapter 34 Faye You can do this, Faye. You can do this; I repeat to myself as I stand in my closet and look at all Ben’s clothes. Anxiety creeps up the back of my throat, and I feel how close I am to losing it. Glancing at Thane as he’s holding an empty box, I tell him, “I can’t do this.” “Yes, you can, baby.” His eyes are so reassuring as I snuffle back the tears. Taking my hand, I slowly reach for one of Ben’s t-shirts, it trembles, scared to touch the material, and I close my eyes, a vision of Ben wearing the yellow t-shirt clouding my thoughts. “I…I can’t,” I stutter and pull my hand down, but Thane pushes it back up. “You can do this.” With his hand guiding mine, I grasp the fabric in between my fingertips, pulling it downward. Then I drop it into the box, reaching up, I take another and another shirt, yanking them all down frantically. I just want to get this over with. I need to. These clothes do not represent Ben. His memories and the time we shared together are who he was. Every shirt I pull is freeing. My breathing is hasty, hangers are flying, and as I take the last shirt, I gently set it on the pile pouring from the box Thane is holding. Tears are in his eyes as he looks at me. “You are so fucking strong.” I don’t feel strong; I feel weak. I feel like I rushed through that, to get it over with, to save myself the pain of having to remember. But I know however I did it, it had to be done. In order for me to move on and keep on the positive path of my future, this is what I needed. Thane backs out of the closet and closes the top of the cardboard flaps over the clothing, wiping his eyes dry on his shoulder. My stomach churns watching Ben’s clothing disappear. It’s the last time I’ll ever see his clothes, and suddenly I feel lightheaded. I rush into the restroom, getting sick. “Faye?” Thane hollers out and finds me kneeling and gagging. “What’s the matter?” he asks me. “I can’t get rid of his stuff.” I rest my head on my forearm, and he says to me, “Then we’ll keep it.” I process his words, and they thankfully settle my fears. “We don’t have to get rid of anything. Braxley might want them one day.” I nod and let him pull me onto his lap. His warmth and tight hold is so reassuring. “I’m sorry. I thought I was ready to do this.” “Don’t apologize. This is hard what you’re doing. If I lost you, I couldn’t do it.” I rest my head against his chest, breathing him in and closing my eyes. I couldn’t imagine losing Thane either. I’d be so lost, a wreck without him. “Come on, let’s go grab some lunch,” he offers, and I reach for the toilet, flushing it. “I don’t think I can eat.” “Coffee?” “Coffee,” I agree, and together we leave. As I look back in my bedroom, the lonely box rests on the floor in front of my nightstand and the spot I keep my necklace at with our rings on. Knowing that I don’t have to get rid of Ben’s things makes me feel so much better. We leave my house, and Thane helps me into his SUV and then holds on to my hand as we drive.

“You okay?” he asks me. “Yeah.” “What are you thinking?” “About the future, about us moving in together.” “I like hearing that,” he says, and I nod feeling so comfortable and settled from where we began. When I met Thane, I never imagined a relationship or falling in love. Now, being with him, I can’t fathom what my life would be like without him, and I pray to God I never have to find out.

Chapter 35 Faye As the boys help me unpack the groceries, Thane comes in from a long day of flying, still wearing his captain’s uniform, and I don’t think I’ve noticed until now just how sexy he is in it. “Daddy!” Jack yells and gives him a hug. Braxley hugs him too. He still calls him Thane, and I think that’s okay. Ben is his dad, and I always want it to stay that way in his memory. But Thane holds a spot inside of him too, I can see it through the connection that the two share. “Baby,” he says and kisses me on the corner of the mouth. “How was your day?” I ask. “It was good.” He reaches into the fridge and cracks a beer then asks, “How was my boys’ day?” “It was so fun, one of our chicks hatched in class today.” “No way, that’s awesome. Did you guys see it happen?” “Yeah,” Braxley says his face lighting up as he recalls the events from earlier and I love watching my guys together. “What did you name it?” “Harry!” “Well, that’s suiting.” Jack is still helping me with the groceries. He’s such a good helper anytime I need it. “Here, bud,” I tell him passing him some more fresh vegetables to put into the fridge. He puts them in the drawer and then goes through another bag. “What’s this, Faye?” he asks me, holding up the pregnancy test that I bought today. Shit, how did I forget about that? I must be pregnant. “Oh, it’s nothing,” I tell him and toss it on top of the fridge. Thane being nosy, peeks at the top of the fridge and then takes down the box, holding it in his hand. “Yeah, what is this?” he asks me, and I blush, staying busy with the groceries. “It’s nothing,” I tell him. “Doesn’t look like nothing,” he says reading the box and sipping on his beer. I yank it out of his hand and throw it on top of the fridge again. “Do you have something to tell me?” he asks pulling me towards him by the hips. I stand in front of him, the boys are at either side of him, and I shake my head. “What is it?” Braxley asks, and Thane says, “It’s a pregnancy test.” “What’s it do?” “It can tell if you’re pregnant or not.” “Oh, I wanna use it,” Jack says, and we all laugh at him. “No, buddy, it’s not for boys. Only girls can have babies.” “But a girl and a boy make a baby.” Thane swallows awkwardly, and I have no clue how he knows that. “So why don’t you take the test, Mommy?” Braxley asks me. “Oh, I’ll do it later.” “No, you won’t!” Thane snatches it down, and tears open the box handing me the stick. “Are you sure?” I ask, and he coolly sips his beer waiting for me to take the test out of his hand. As I walk off with it in my hand going into the restroom down the hall, I can hear the guys talking. This

was not the way I envisioned this going. I thought Thane and I would talk about it first and take the test together. Now, here I am alone in an empty bathroom. “You done yet?” Braxley bangs on the door. And I about jump out of my skin, or maybe it’d be better if I just jumped out of the window. “Just a sec,” I holler, and I can hear the three of them laughing in the hallway. Lifting my dress up, I pull my underwear down and remove the cap. But I can’t pee. Of course, I can’t. “Done yet?” “NO!” I bellow and then they start knocking repeatedly on the door. I shake my head, the hugest smile on my face, and finally, I pee, soaking the tip of the stick. Placing the cap back on it, I wipe and wait for the results, but the boys will not stop banging, so I open the door, and Thane asks me, “What’s it say?” “It’s not done yet.” He yanks the test out of my hand, and I stand frozen. The boys chase him, trying to get to it and he runs off into the living room. I follow, nervous as hell, knowing in the next few moments my life could forever change. Whether it’s positive or not, we’re gonna have to talk about starting a family, and I told him before I didn’t think I wanted more kids. “Let me see, let me see!” the boys clamor and Thane says, “Calm down, let’s all look at it together.” They sit on the couch as still as they can. But I can’t sit, I just pace—waiting. “Be patient,” he says as their little legs rock back and forth. Braxley is on one side of him, and Jack is on the other. All of them are staring—looking down—waiting to see if our future will have another child in it. A child of mine and Thane’s. The waiting feels like forever, and I find myself chewing on a fingernail. Then a smile bigger than ever comes across Thane’s face, and I take in one final breath.

Epilogue Thane “I love it here,” Faye says to me, walking out into the huge backyard of our new home. We moved in about a month ago, and it’s been a lot of work getting settled: with the new baby, and a spur of the moment wedding, and moving the five of us into one house, but having my family now all in a place of our own has been worth the wait. “I love it, too,” I tell her and flip the meat on the grill. She holds me from behind, her arms shrouding around me as she pulls me into a tight embrace. I take a swig of my beer, and she takes it from my hand, taking a drink herself. “Oh shit, you drinking tonight?” I ask her, and she nods, glancing inside at Benjamin, our three-monthold son laying calmly on the floor. “I pumped earlier, so he’s set for the night.” “Fuck yeah! Does that mean I’ll get lucky, too?” I whisper into her ear, and she nods. I grab a handful of her ass holding her close to me. Jesus Christ, I love this woman and everything about her. “Hey, little man,” Braxley says, playing inside with his little brother as he anxiously waits for Jack to get home. Char and I settled our divorce not long after we got back from Disneyland and both agreed to joint custody. I have to admit as much as I hate being without him, he loves his time with Char. And she’s done really great herself, somehow still not shopping, and she’s even got a good steady job. But most importantly, she’s wonderful with Jack, which is all that truly matters to me. I turn the grill down and follow Faye inside. She asks Braxley, “Do you want to feed him?” He nods knowing it’s not often he can feed little Benjamin with a bottle. But whenever he can, he jumps at the opportunity. Faye lifts him off the floor, leaving the blanket of Ben’s t-shirts on the ground. I had them made into a blanket for her soon after we picked out the baby’s name. I thought it was fitting that if he was going to be named after Ben, he’d grow up with memories around him too. I know I didn’t know Ben, but I can’t help feeling like I did, and one thing I want to be sure of is that his memory always stays alive in our home, especially for Braxley. Faye places the baby in Braxley’s arms and comes into the kitchen to heat up a bottle. “You want wine?” I ask her. “Is that even a question?” she says. I smirk filling her a huge glass, just as Jack and Char walk in through the front door. Jack rushes to my side and gives me a hug. I hold him back, loving having him home. “How are you, buddy?” “Good, I missed you guys.” Faye rubs his hair as she walks off giving Braxley the bottle. “How was he?” I ask Char as she sets his backpack down by the door. “He was good, we worked on his swing this weekend at the field by my house, and he hit a home run.” Jack is now by Braxley, adoring his brother, and I holler over to him, “You hit a home run, bud?” “Yeah, Dad, it was so sick.” I chuckle at the slang rolling off his tongue, and Char shrugs her shoulders, going over to see the baby too.

“You want a glass of wine?” I ask her, knowing she’ll likely stay and visit for a while. “No, Wellington has dinner plans for us.” “Even more of a reason to drink,” I tease her and get the evil eye. As much as I give her a hard time about her new boyfriend, I really like the guy and so does Jack. “I’m sure he’ll be taking you out for some Beef Wellington.” “Thane!” Faye scolds me, and I hand her the glass of wine. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” I tell her before I go out to flip the food on the grill. “Bye, Thane,” Char calls, and I give her a wave. Closing the grill again, our food is about done. I turn to head back inside, but the sight of my family stops me. Engraving into my memory. Braxley is holding Benjamin, while Jack is sitting to his right feeding the baby his bottle, and my gorgeous Faye is taking in the sight too, sitting on the other side of Braxley. As Faye laughs at something they say, her eyes meet mine. “I love you,” I mouth the words to her, and she says them back to me, my heart stammering from every silent syllable. I don’t care how long we’re together, I’ll never, ever, get tired of those words.

Acknowledgements William, where do I even start? This story, oh my God, this story was so hard to write. It made me think about just how lucky I am to have you. How blessed I am to wake up every single day with you by my side. Thank you for being the most amazing man I’ve ever known. I love you more than you’ll ever know, more than my next…or final breath. Lisa, my amazing editor, this one is so bittersweet. We’ve done fifteen books together now and this one being our last is sad, but I also know you’re following your dreams and that makes me so happy. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for molding me into the writer I am today—for believing in me—for pushing me. I love you, doll! Leticia and Janice, my fabulous proofreaders, you two are the best. Leticia, you are and always will be my baby girl. Janice, thank you for being my mama. I love you both. You both make these stories flawless, and I’m grateful beyond words for all you do. To my Beta Team, your feedback and support are instrumental in what I do. Especially, you, Karrie, and my sassy sisters, thank you for believing in me and making this story a work of perfection. Crystal, my amazing Personal Assistant, thank you for pushing me to finish this story, and more importantly, for believing in it. I hope it’s everything you wanted and more. Your drive and dedication is so appreciated, I hope you know that. I love you. Natalie, your undying friendship and support has touched my heart. I’m proud to call you a sister. I can’t wait to work with you and see where this journey takes both of us for the years to come. Last, but absolutely not least: the readers, reviewers, bloggers, and my ARC team. I hope you all loved this story. I know it wasn’t an easy read, hell, it was hard to write, but the journey and the happily ever after were worth it. I did it for each and every one of you—thank you all so very, very much. If you loved One Final Breath, please consider leaving a review on Amazon— www.amazon.com/author/lkcollins, it’s the best way to give back to an author. We read every single review. For more, visit our website www.authorlkcollins.com. And if you just can’t get enough, follow us here too: Amazon – www.amazon.com/author/lkcollins BookBub - https://www.bookbub.com/authors/lk-collins Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/lkcollinsauthor Instagram - @authorlkcollins Twitter - https://twitter.com/authorlkcollins Goodreads - https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7023849.L_K_Collins YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrL1h_ALR7ATvo3JtdZUVBg Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/authorlkcollins/ Reading Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/408818219221899