WHERE THE HEART IS Children of famous rock band, The Devil’s Share, Beau Cole and Halen Connor have known and loved each other all their lives. There was no one Beau wanted to be with more than Halen, no one who would ever have his heart. Four years older than his girl, Beau had vowed to keep their status as best friends until Halen was eighteen. But at sixteen Halen—beautiful, willful, stubborn Halen— wanted more, and Beau has never been able to deny Halen anything. And that was his mistake. He knew better, and she deserved better, so he left, trampling both their hearts to dust. Now, two years later, Beau must return home, and seeing Halen is either going to kill him or save his life.
LEGACY A RiffRaff Records Romance L.P. Maxa
www.BOROUGHSPUBLISHINGGROUP.com PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, business establishments or persons, living or dead, is coincidental. Boroughs Publishing Group does not have any control over and does not assume responsibility for author or third-party websites, blogs or critiques or their content. LEGACY Copyright © 2017 L.P. Maxa All rights reserved. Unless specifically noted, no part of this publication may be reproduced, scanned, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Boroughs Publishing Group. The scanning, uploading and distribution of this book via the Internet or by any other means without the permission of Boroughs Publishing Group is illegal and punishable by law. Participation in the piracy of copyrighted materials violates the author’s rights. ISBN 978-1-944262-85-3 E-book formatting by Maureen Cutajar www.gopublished.com
To all our friends who have become family.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thank you to my husband and daughter. Y’all light up my life and make writing life so very easy. To both my Amys, as always, I couldn’t do any of this without you. My mom, my baby sister, my dads. All of my family and friends. It’d take me hours to thank each of you separately for all that you do. And right now Stoli is screaming because she got jelly on her shirt. My Smitten Kittens! Thank you for being so excited for the Devil’s Share spawn. I can’t wait to share them with you. Michelle, my amazing editor, thank you for loving these kids as much as I do.
CONTENTS Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-One Chapter Twenty-Two Chapter Twenty-Three Chapter Twenty-Four Chapter Twenty-Five Chapter Twenty-Six Chapter Twenty-Seven Chapter Twenty-Eight Chapter Twenty-Nine Chapter Thirty Chapter Thirty-One Epilogue About the Author Also by L.P. Maxa
LEGACY
“I love you with so much of my heart, that none is left to protest.” —William Shakespeare
Prologue Beau Twelve Years Old I was twelve and I was pretty sure I was in love with my eight-year-old cousin. I promise you it wasn’t as backwoods as it sounded. Halen wasn’t actually my cousin. We weren’t related by blood or anything. We’d just been raised that way. All the Devil’s Share kids were raised as a family. But I had four other girl cousins and I didn’t feel the same way about them as I did about Halen. Halen was the first person I wanted to see in the morning. Halen was the person I always looked for when I thought something was funny—always checking to see if she was laughing too. She was the person I turned to when I was feeling down, or if I needed to talk. And I thought she was beautiful.
Now, don’t get me wrong; objectively, all the girls in my family were pretty. But Halen? When I watched her walk into a room it made my heart flutter. I may’ve been only twelve, but I was almost positive that all those things I felt amounted to being in love. It wasn’t something I chose. You see, being in love with Halen, it wasn’t easy. For starters, if my Uncle Dash knew, he’d kill me. Halen was too young for me, too good for me. She was so fun, so amazing. Everyone wanted to be around her. She was contagiously happy. “What are you doing up here being all sulky?” I smiled when her head popped into the tree house. I wasn’t being sulky. I was hiding from her. Trying to get some distance, some perspective. Because, as in love with her as I was, I knew I could never tell her. Never act on it—and that stung sometimes. “I’m working, Sweets.” I held up the camera in my hand, the one I had pointed out the tiny window, capturing the sunset. My Aunt Lexi paid me for the shots that she used. Some of them she’d post to the Riffraff website, some she’d sell as stock. She said I was the youngest, most talented photographer she’d ever seen. And that was saying
something. Because my Aunt Lexi was world renowned. Halen moved to sit next to me, looking out and seeing the same beauty that I did. “There is great light from here.” I let myself look at her and I couldn’t help but grin. I turned my camera, capturing her gorgeous fresh face in the dying light. “It’s Friday—be my date?” Friday family dinner. It was tradition, and it was something you didn’t miss. If you wanted to see your friends, you did it after. Sometimes I daydreamed about being her date for real. Taking her out, telling the world that she was all mine. Strolling into the house, my arm around her and our parents being happy about it. I sighed as I got to my feet, holding my hand out. “Let’s go.” When she put her palm in mine, my heart did that stutter thing again. I helped her climb out of the treehouse and then let go of her, choosing to ruffle her hair instead. I had a plan when it came to Halen. Fake it till you make it. We’d be friends, we’d be family; we’d be exactly what our parents wanted us to be. As long as Halen was happy, as long as she was still smiling, then I would be too. It didn’t matter what I wanted; it didn’t matter that my chest hurt thinking she’d never truly be mine. No. All that
mattered, all that had ever mattered to me, was Halen. Halen Nine Years Old “Halen, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” My mother was standing in the middle of the kitchen, frown lines crinkling her pretty face. I wiped my tears on my shirt. I didn’t want to look like a baby in front of Beau. I didn’t ever want him to think of me like that. I wanted to be big, be his age. He was constantly reminding me that I was younger than him and I hated that he thought it made a difference. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. I knew he’d be here any moment. I’d run home, but I knew he’d show up. He always followed me. My mom glanced over her shoulder as the slider to the patio opened. Beau walked into the kitchen, he face flushed from running. “Hey bud, what happened? Why is Halen crying?” He crossed the room and hopped up on the kitchen counter beside me. “She fell out of a tree,” he mumbled, staring down at his shoes like he was guilty of doing something bad. He wasn’t. He’d told me to get down, but I’d wanted so badly to prove
that I could keep up, I’d ignored him, and had fallen out of the oak tree when I’d lost my footing. “Oh my gosh, Halen. Show me where it hurts? Are you bleeding? Is something broken?” My mom ran her hands up and down my body as she checked for scrapes and bruises. I held up my wrist, the one I’d been clasping against my chest. “Let me see,” she asked softly. I jerked away when she tried to touch it. “Can you move your fingers?” I nodded and showed her. “I’m going to get your Aunt Dilly over here, don’t move.” Mom stepped away then spun back to point at Beau. “Don’t leave her side.” After she left, he put his hand on my knee and I smiled, even though my wrist really hurt. “I’m sorry Sweets, I should have never let you climb that high.” I hiccupped. “You’re not the boss of me, Beau. And I’m not a baby.” I sounded like a brat. He sighed, hanging his head. “It’s my job to protect you. I can’t believe I let that happen, I should have—” “It’s not your fault that I fell out of a tree, silly.” I hated that he was blaming himself. I hated the sadness in his voice. “I was showing off. I wanted you to think I was cool.” That was the honest truth. I wanted him to think I was cool and worth his
time. Worth his affection. I had a crush on him, though I’d never admitted it to anyone. Especially Beau. I knew that no matter how hard I tried, he’d never see me the way I saw him. “I think you’re the coolest, Hales. You don’t need to prove anything to me.” He turned and carefully took my throbbing wrist in his hands. “You think it’s broken?” I let him try to move it. He looked up, and caught me biting my lower lip. I was trying not to cry again. “Sweets, I think you’re going to have to go to the ER.” I sighed. “I know.” “I’ll come with you.” He bent his head lower, making me meet his gaze. “I’ll stay with you the whole time and when we get home, we can watch a movie.” I smiled. “You’ll make popcorn?” He nodded. “All you can eat. Promise.” My wrist was still in his hands when my mom came rushing back into the kitchen, Aunt Dilly hot on her heels. Mom stopped short when she saw Beau examining me. “Really? You nearly jumped off the counter when I tried to check it.” I shrugged. Aunt Dilly stepped forward and took my wrist from Beau, examining it the best she could since it
was definitely starting to swell and bruise. I smiled at Beau and he smiled back, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I leaned my head on him, closing my eyes against the discomfort. “I think we need to take her in, Lex.” “All right you two. Lets go.” Mom went to the freezer and got an ice pack while Beau helped me off the counter. “Bud, I’ll call your parents on the way and let them know you’re staying here for the night.” My mom knew I wouldn’t want to be without him at the hospital or when I came home. She knew I’d need him to distract me, to help me be brave, and to comfort me. Beau and I had been inseparable from day one. For real, I learned to walk by holding onto his hand. He may never feel about me the way I felt about him, but as long as he was by my side, I’d be okay. Beau Fifteen Years Old This love thing was getting out of hand. Halen was my best friend. She was the only person I truly desired to be around. Sure, I loved my family, my sister, and my cousins. But I knew I’d never be able to live without Halen.
I’d made myself a promise that I’d stop thinking of her that way. I’d stop longing to hold her hand. I’d stop looking at her lips. She was too young for me. I’d wait until we were grownups, which was way more realistic than staying away forever. So I vowed that I’d be her friend—her best friend— until the day she turned eighteen. That way, I’d never hurt her. Because hurting Halen would kill me. She was light and laughter and everything good in this world. “Beau, where are you going?” I stopped in my tracks. I’d been trying to sneak off without her seeing. That was all part of my new plan. Spend more time on my own since she was like my dang shadow. “Home.” “But we haven’t even had dessert yet.” Her singsong tone made it sound like she thought I’d lost my mind. “You can have my share. I have homework.” Stay strong. “I’ll come with you. I’m better at math than you are anyways.” She walked up and threaded her slender arm through mine, smiling up at me. I should tell her no. I should tell her to stay at Uncle Luke’s house, that I didn’t want to hang out
with her tonight. But she’d know I was lying. I always wanted to hang out with her. She was my best friend. She made everything better, even homework on a Friday night. When she rested her head on my arm I sighed. “Okay. Come on, Sweets.” I’d stick to my plan. I’d be her friend, and I’d stop looking at her like I wanted to kiss her. I’d do anything it took to do right by her.
Chapter One Halen Now “Halen Grace Conner! You get your butt in this house right this second.” I rolled my eyes when I heard my younger cousin yelling at me from inside the house; the double doors stood open to the front porch. Since he’d gone through puberty, he sounded a lot like my dad. Or any one of my uncles. I sighed when my date dropped my hands and took a large step back. “Well, I guess you better get home.” Either this guy didn’t have much of a backbone, or he wasn’t all that into me. “No, I, uh, that’s not my—” “I mean it, young lady. Do not make me come out there.” The front doors slammed and I pictured
Cash and Crue slapping hands, laughing. It would be hard for the guy standing in front of me to realize that there were two different people screaming at me from my house, and that neither of them was my father. I gave my date a small smile. “Thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun.” He took a step forward, leaning in like he was going to kiss me. I closed my eyes and— “That’s it. I’m getting my gun.” Annnd the date was officially over. He turned around and all but ran back to his truck. No backbone. I clenched my fists and stomped up the front walk, throwing open both the front doors and then slamming them closed. “Are you two assholes fudging kidding me?” Cash and Crue ran toward the backyard cracking up. I ran after them, like I was nine, not nineteen. Through the living room, past the kitchen and out to the back porch where some of my family was gathered. “Hey, whoa. What’s going on?” My dad grabbed my hand as I tried to bolt past him and after my twin cousins. “Halen? I thought you had a date tonight.” I could hear the smile in my father’s voice and it pissed me off. I whirled around. “Oh, you did?” I narrowed my
eyes. “Is that why you sent dumb asses one and two to spy on me?” “Halen Grace. Watch your language.” My mom smacked my butt lightly. “And don’t call your cousins dumb asses.” “Cash. Crue.” My Aunt Harlow, the twins’ mom, stood with her hands on her slim hips. “What did you two do?” They came sauntering back up to the porch, from past the pool house that was toward the center of the compound; from where they’d been hiding. Cash stepped into the light first, his blond hair shining and his blue eyes sparkling. The twins were so damn attractive it wasn’t even funny. “She had a date with Johnny Masters. That guy’s a tool.” Uncle Luke leaned back in his chair, looking at me. “Is that true?” He wrinkled his nose. “Halen, did you have a date with a tool tonight?” I stifled another eye roll. Living around here, with the egos of the Devil’s Share and their spawn? If I rolled my eyes every time I wanted to, they’d come disconnected. Crue came over and sat down on one of the steps leading out toward the grassy area of the property, but still under the overhang of the large back porch. His shirt was pulled tight around his
muscles. The twins were tall and built. Perfect bodies to go with their stupid perfect faces. “Sure the hell did,” Crue half-coughed, half spoke. “He graduated last year. I had a math class with him. He plays golf and spends all his free time at some country club. He is in a frat at UT and he wears boat shoes. All year round, Hales.” Uncle Luke shook his head sadly. “Sounds like a tool to me.” Aunt Lo smacked him on the back of the head and he sat up straighter in his chair. “But, you boys had no right to ruin the end of her date.” He didn’t mean that. There was no parenting fire behind his words. I’d be surprised if he hadn’t winked at his sons as he said it. “He’s a good guy and he’s really smart.” I didn’t know why I was sticking up for him; Johnny was not my future. He wasn’t the guy for me. But still, I was so tired. Tired of trying and failing to move on and tired of my life being run by this family—my parents, my uncles, my cousins. I’d agreed to live at home while I attended the University of Texas, and I’d been regretting it pretty much every day since. “Halen, the boys are just looking out for you, for all of us, really.” I turned around, facing my dad. “All of us? How is scaring off my date looking out for all of us?”
“Well, sweetheart, no one wants to spend time with a tool. Including your mother and me.” He grinned and the rest of the males on the porch started to chuckle. But I was my mother’s daughter, if nothing else. I stalked over to Crue and leaned down so only he could hear. “It’d be a shame if my dad found out that Avory wasn’t alone in her bed last night, wouldn’t you say?” I pulled back, grinning as all the color drained out of Crue’s face. He was a year older than Avory, seventeen to her sixteen, and he definitely didn’t treat her like a little sister. “Come on, Hales. We were only kidding around.” Cash came to his twin’s defense, always, meeting my gaze head-on and giving a slight shake of his head. “No harm, no foul?” “Whatever.” I spun around, my hair fanning out behind me and almost smacking Cash in the face. “I have a paper to write.” I marched back into the house, shutting the door behind me. I’d never rat on Avory and Crue, ever. And they knew that, but the fact that I’d noticed had sent him for a loop. Those two weren’t nearly as sneaky as they thought they were. I glanced at the clock on the wall. Speaking of my baby sister… “Hey, Hales.” I smiled when I heard Avory call
my name as she walked in. “Your boy is outside. Ruining my life.” She laughed. “Scare off another one?” She pulled her dark hair into a ponytail, the loose curls falling down her back. Avory was the perfect combination of our mom and dad, with mom’s good looks and dad’s olive coloring. She always reminded me a little of a young Nina Dobrev, this girl on an old teenage vampire drama my mom and Aunt Dilly used to love. They made us binge on reruns one winter when we’d all come down with the flu. “You know it.” I sat down at the island while she pulled a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. “How was the game?” “Fine. We won.” She shrugged. “Cheering at basketball games isn’t nearly as exhausting as cheering for football.” Avory was everything I wasn’t anymore, but everything I’d used to be. She was wild and free and daring. She never let anyone in this family push her around or try to bend her will. She was a cheerleader and the perpetual life of the party. Crue spent most of his time trying to beat off other guys with a bat. Our parents didn’t know about them. They’d raised us all more like siblings than the
cousins they’d said we were. As evidenced by the fact that the twins felt like they could ruin what little love life I had every chance they got. “Hey, you left your door cracked last night.” I watched her reaction; it was very similar to Crue’s. Pale and scared, but only for a moment. And then her playful smile slid back into place. “Well, I’m guessing no one else saw or mom and dad would still be screaming at me right now, huh?” “And dad wouldn’t be outside high-fiving the twins for running off another date.” Avory came and stood by me, her hip leaning against the counter. “How are things going with Crue?” I nudged her arm. Avory and Crue were somewhat of a surprise to me. Cash and she had been inseparable when they were younger. Cash was the yin to her yang, the calm to her storm. But the older they all got, the closer she and Crue had become. Then, one night I’d caught them making out in the shadows of the old treehouse. It had taken me a minute to realize it was them tangled together. For a moment, I’d thought I was seeing ghosts. That was about six weeks ago. And now? He was climbing in her
window at night. I knew the squeak of the glass well. She bit her bottom lip, a habit we’d all acquired from both our mother and our Uncle Luke. “Good. Things are, uh, really good.” She wasn’t blushing, because that wasn’t who she was. “Crue is, well… Crue is intense and wild. And perfect for me.” In my opinion, Cash was perfect for her. But what did I know about love? Or lust, for that matter. I’d gotten my heart shattered when I was seventeen and had yet to recover. Even now, trying to move on was nearly impossible. Between my jerkface younger cousins, and my inability to find anyone I wanted to fight for, I was destined to become an old spinster with a bunch of cats. Or dogs. We were all dog people. “Make sure your door is shut at night. I’d even lock it for good measure. You know how mom likes to wake up at weird hours and check on us.” “We’re home!” Our youngest sister, Marley, walked in with Jett. Jett was Cash and Crue’s younger brother. Our parents told us that a new baby was born every year for a while. Between our immediate family and my uncles’, there were ten kids. Too many, if you asked me, but no one had. Marley was fifteen and the smartest of us all. She
was a math genius. Science, biology, chemistry. Those were like elective classes to her. “In the kitchen,” I hollered and watched as Jett came in and went right to the refrigerator, rummaging around and pulling out all the ingredients to make him and Marley a sandwich. “Where have y’all been?” It was almost nine o’clock. Jett’s baseball practice let out at six and Marely had violin until six-thirty. They should have been home two hours ago. Marley took a big bite then talked around it. “We waited on Emmie to get done with dance and then dropped her at a friend’s house for Aunt Dilly.” At fourteen, Emmie was the youngest. Yep, ten kids between the ages of twenty-eight and fourteen. Landry, Beau, me, Evie, Cash, Crue, Avory, Jett, Marley, and Emmie. “Nosey.” Jett made a face in my direction. “Concerned.” I made a face back. “There is already one Matthews-Conner hook up happening. We don’t need to add another.” All the kids knew what was going on, even if the adults were blind. The Devil’s Share legacy didn’t keep secrets from each other. Our parents raised us to be united, to be a team. It’s us against the world, that’s what they always said. I think it backfired on them, though.
We were a pretty tight unit for the most part; we didn’t let them in if we could help it. “Speaking of.” Jett gestured with his head toward the back door as Crue came inside. “Hey, babe, when did you get home? I was about to come pick you up.” Crue put his arm around my sister’s neck and pulled her to him. He kissed her temple and ran his hand across her bare midriff. “I thought maybe we could go down by the —” “Incoming.” Jett coughed into his hand and Crue stepped away from Avory just as Uncle Luke came walking into the house. We all looked out for each other. They’d done it for me, and I’d do it for them. I watched Crue as he kept his eyes on Avory, his smirk playful. I just prayed my little sister didn’t end up like me—broken. “If it isn’t all my favorite people in one room.” He went into the fridge and grabbed two more bottles of beer. “Although, the fact that all my boys are home by nine o’clock on a Friday night is more than a little disappointing.” Crue grinned. “We can fix that real easy, Dad.” Crue winked at Avory. “Who wants to hit up a party? I’m driving.” “I’m game. I just need to go change real quick.”
Avory took off in the direction of her bedroom and I could see Crue itching to follow her. “Can I come?” Marley took another large bite of her sandwich. She was rail thin, with blonde hair and black-framed glasses. The parents always joked that she looked more like Uncle Luke and Aunt Lo, while Jett looked more like my parents with his dark hair and green eyes. Crue said no the same time Jett said yes. They stared at each other. The twins weren’t the only ones in our family that communicated silently. We all did. I could read their conversation loud and clear. Crue didn’t want Marley to come because she was only fifteen, and he didn’t want to have to keep an eye on her. Jett thought it was shitty to leave her behind and volunteered to watch her. In the end, Jett won. “Let’s go, MVP.” Her name was Marley Van. She shoved the rest of her sandwich in her mouth, brushing the crumbs off her hands onto Jett’s already filthy baseball pants. Those two were close, and they were trouble with a capital T. I’d never taken the time to follow them to wherever they snuck off to in the middle of the night. I should really make a point to do that one of these days. Make sure they weren’t doing something
illegal. “That’s more like it.” Uncle Luke headed toward the back door. “Go out, live a little.” He pointed a finger at Crue. “Watch your cousins.” Crue nodded. “Yes, sir.” Cash came in the door right after his dad walked out of it. “We leaving?” “Yeah, let’s hit up Benson’s party.” Crue looked at me. “You want to come?” “No thanks.” I looked around the quickly emptying kitchen. “I have a paper to write.” “It’s Friday night, Hales.” Cash put his arms around me and rested his chin on top of my head. “You had a date that brought you home before nine o’clock. You’re as lame as Evie.” I was lamer than Evie. At least she’d gone away to college this year. I was still here at the compound, trying to figure out how to get a life. “You guys go, have fun.” Cash sighed. “You’ve gotta get back out there, Hales.” I laughed. “Says the guy that scared my date away.” I was trying. I really was. It wasn’t like I had any other choice, really. “Masters is a douche. We did you a favor and you know it.” Crue studied me from across the
island. “Did you honestly want to spend your Sundays having fancy dinners with his WASP-y parents?” I slumped down in Cash’s embrace, exhausted. “No.” Johnny wasn’t someone I wanted to spend time with. I’d agreed to go on the date because I’d made a promise to myself that I’d move on. That I’d at least try to put my past in the past where it belonged. “Ready.” Avory came waltzing back into the kitchen, tight jeans and another midriff-baring shirt. She was so beautiful, so full of life. I envied both my baby sisters. Crue took her hand in his and led her around the corner to the front door. There was a thud and then I heard her giggle. Cash stepped away from me, walking toward the couple. “You guys have really got to be more discrete.” He turned right before the doorway, looking back at me. “You sure you’re going to be okay? I can stay home—we could watch a movie?” I smiled. “If you stayed home, who would watch out for all the Devil’s Spawn hooligans?” I climbed down off my stool. “I’m fine, Cash. Go have some fun.” I stuck my head out the back door, where the parents were still sitting. “Everyone just
left. I’m going to get some homework done.” My mom looked at me, her eyes sad. “Baby girl, why didn’t you go with them? It’s Friday night.” My mom, both my parents really, knew I wasn’t as outgoing as I had once been. They weren’t blind. They knew I didn’t go to parties; they knew I rarely dated. But they stopped asking me what was wrong. I’d never tell them anyway, and neither would any of the other kids. We kept each other’s secrets, no matter what. “It’s fine, really. I have a lot of reading to catch up on anyway.” My mom looked over at my dad. He gave her a slight shake of his head, telling her to let it go. He turned in his seat. “Okay, sweet dreams.” I could feel Uncle Luke’s eyes on me. He was worried too, probably more so than my parents. He was my godfather and we’d always been close. For two years now I’d been a homebody; for two years I’d been healing. “Goodnight, sweetheart,” he halfsung. I smiled at him. He’d sung me to sleep with the same song for years. Even though he’d had babies of his own to get ready for bed, he’d still come over and sing to me when he could. “Good night.” I closed the door, positive that as soon as the latch
clicked the adults would start to talk about me. I walked past the front entryway and down the long hallway to the last door on the left. My bedroom. The same room that I’d slept in since I was six weeks old. I flipped on the light and collapsed on my big fluffy bed, pulling my phone out of my pocket and checking the time. Ninethirty on Friday night. This was my sad, pathetic life. I did have a paper to write, but it wasn’t due for another two weeks. And I was all caught up on my readings. Hell, I’d already read the stuff I needed for next week. I had a lot of time on my hands and little to fill it with. Agreeing to live at home while I attended UT was a poor decision. Everyone else had flown the coop. Landry, the oldest, was in Florida. She had graduated medical school from Aunt Dilly’s alma mater. Landry was doing her residency and was on her way to becoming a surgeon. Evie was in living in Dallas, attending SMU. And Beau? Well, Beau was off seeing the world on the back of a motorcycle. At least that’s what I assumed he was still doing. He’d peeled out of my driveway two years ago, and I hadn’t seen him since.
*** “You let Beau get a motorcycle?” My dad was standing in my aunt and uncle’s driveway, his hands on his hips. “Are you insane?” My Uncle Jacks laughed. “It’s Beau. He’s nineteen. I didn’t let him do anything.” Uncle Jacks ran his hand over the black leather seat. “I’m jealous as hell though.” Nineteen—I smiled at that because today I’d turned sixteen. For just a few marvelous months Beau and I were only three years apart and it never failed to make me giddy. Or make me daydream that he’d see me as something other than his best friend. His family. My dad chuckled. “Yeah, me too. You think Lex would let me get one?” Uncle Jacks crossed his arms over his chest. “Not a chance.” “What do you think, Sweets? You like it?” Beau stood on the other side of the remodeled Triumph. Sweets. It’d been his nickname for me since I was five and he’d discovered a grocery bag full of hidden Halloween candy wrappers in my room. “I love it.” And I did. The bike just added to Beau’s slight Rebel Without a Cause persona. A movie I’d watched with my mom and aunts about a
dozen times. Beau was James Dean material for sure. He grinned. “You want to go for a ride?” “Yes.” I answered quickly and without hesitation. I loved being alone with Beau, loved having all his winks and smirks to myself. It didn’t happen all that often. Our parents had too many kids. My dad snorted, “Not a chance.” “Oh, come on, it’s her birthday.” My Uncle Jacks rolled his eyes. “And it’s Beau. You think he’d ever let anything happen to Halen? He’d jump in front of a train for your girl.” I bit my lips together to keep from smiling too big. Beau put his hand over his heart. “You know I would, Uncle Dash.” He took the second helmet off the back of the bike. “Just some back-road cruising, nothing fast and nothing far.” My dad looked over at me then back to Beau. He hung his head. “Fine. But only back roads.” I squealed and took the helmet from Beau, climbing on behind him. “I’m holding you personally responsible if one hair on her head is harmed.” My dad pointed at Beau, using his stern-parent face and tone. Beau just nodded. “I’ll guard her with my life.”
He grabbed my hands and yanked to wrap them around his waist. Then we took off, snaking slowly through the compound until he got to the exit. He stopped and leaned back with mischief in his voice. “Hold on tight, Sweets.” And then we shot out onto the main road. I couldn’t help but giggle. Everything about this moment was such a rush. We drove for miles, winding through back roads lined with beautiful oak trees. The bluebonnets and Indian paintbrushes were in full bloom, the colors rushing by me in a blur. When the sun started to set Beau pulled off onto a small dirt road and cut the engine. He climbed off the bike with ease and removed his helmet, resting it on a handlebar. Then he reached up and did the same with mine. He gestured his head to the sky behind me. “You watch the sunset while I take a leak.” I wrinkled my nose at his guy crassness and he walked off, throwing a wink over his shoulder. I turned to the side, watching the sun sink deeper, toward the horizon. The sky was pink and red, with the sun burning a fiery orange. There was nothing like a Texas sunset. I climbed off and walked farther out toward the field of wild flowers, taking a seat on a fallen tree trunk.
“It’s perfect, right?” Beau came and sat next to me, his jean-clad thigh brushing up against my leg, bare in my cutoff shorts. “It is.” I leaned my head against his shoulder, something I’d done a thousand times in my life. “Thank you for bringing me out here.” I felt his head turn, and I knew he was looking at me. “You don’t have to thank me for hanging out with you, Sweets. I wanted to.” I sighed. My sixteen-year-old heart was reading more into his comment than I should. He’d take me home soon, drop me at my door, and then head out to meet up with his friends. With the girls that were always falling all over him. And I’d go to bed wishing he wanted me like that. I put a smile on my face, glancing down at my watch. “Six-thirty on a Friday night? I’m sure you have other places to be.” And I was. Beau swore he wasn’t a partier, but I’d seen him pulling onto the compound past curfew a few times. Not that I stayed up waiting or anything. “I have other places I should be, Hales. But nowhere else I’d rather be.” I sat up, turning to look him in the eye. There was something different about the tone of his voice in that moment. Goosebumps rose on my skin.
“Yeah? Me neither.” “Okay, I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to respond without thinking. You get like two milliseconds to answer.” I grinned, nodding my head. We used to play this game on long car trips when we were kids. He, Landry and I would spend hours cracking up in the back seat. He cleared his throat. “If you could have anything for your sixteenth birthday, what would it be?” “A kiss.” I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. “I, uh, I meant. A…” Fudge. What rhymed with kiss? Or sounded even remotely like kiss? Shoot. I winced. “Sorry.” I didn’t even know what I was apologizing for. I put my face in both my hands, completely mortified. He peeled my palms away, not letting go afterward. “Hales?” I peered at him through my mostly still closed eyes. “Yeah?” “Why a kiss?” I opened my eyes fully at his soft tone. He wasn’t laughing, or making fun of me the way I thought he might. The way any one of the other boys in my family would. “The truth?” He nodded.
Well, too freaking bad, because I was not about to tell him that I had a monster crush on him and that him kissing me even just once would make my life complete. “I don’t know. It was the first thing that came to mind.” I shrugged. “It’s not like I’ve never been kissed before or anything.” And it wasn’t. I’d been kissed. Just never very well in my opinion. My toes never curled, my heart never skipped a beat. “You’ve been kissed?” I smiled nervously when his eyes turned dark and his trademark smirk disappeared. “Uh, yeah. A couple times.” I licked my lower lip and swallowed past the lump in my throat when his eyes followed my tongue. “Were they any good?” “No.” He was still staring at my mouth. “I mean, I don’t know. I don’t think I have an epic kiss to compare them to.” He put his hands on either side of my face and then gently placed his lips on mine. Time stopped. My heart stopped. It took all of two microseconds for the initial shock to wear off, and then I kissed him back. This was every dream I’d ever had, coming true at once. Beau and I alone. Beau looking only at
me. Beau kissing me. I didn’t mean to moan, I didn’t. And for about three seconds I was embarrassed as hell. But then, it was like the sound I’d made broke something free inside of him. His hands moved to my waist and he guided me into his lap. He kissed me deeper, more urgently, like he couldn’t get enough. I wrapped my arms around his neck, our lips never separating. I couldn’t help but move against him; everything felt so good. Felt so much more intense than anything else I’d ever experienced. The other kisses I’d had? They weren’t even in the same realm as this one. And then my phone started to ring. Beau pulled back and I wanted to cry. The spell was over and he would go back to treating me like a friend. Like a pal. He’d tell me he was sorry and that he should have never done that. But when I bit my bottom lip, he tugged at it with his thumb, a sexy smile on his face. “Better answer your phone, Sweets. We both know who it is.” He rested his hand on the back of my neck and my heart fluttered. I pulled my cell out of my pocket, clearing my throat before clicking Accept. “Hey, Dad, we’re on our way home.” I nodded as he said he was just checking and that he loved me.
Then I hung up and climbed to my feet. “Where you going?” Beau reached out and took my hand before I could get too far. “Uh, I thought you wanted to head back? My dad called and—” “And I’m sure we can spare a few more minutes.” His smirk was back with vengeance. God, he was gorgeous. “Unless, you don’t want—” “I want.” I answered fast and he chuckled. He tugged on my hand, pulling me back into his lap. “Good.” One hand went into my hair and one to the small of my back. And just like that, Beau was kissing me again. There had been no apologies, no regrets. And I’d had my first epic kiss.
Chapter Two Beau “Hey, Beau, you leaving already? The party is just getting started.” A bleached blonde with a massive rack came up and wrapped her too-thin body around my arm. I’d met her at another party about a week ago, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember her fucking name. “Yep. Gotta head out.” I surveyed the chaos in full swing around me. There were piles of coke on the coffee table, a full bar in the kitchen and enough smoke in the air to make Willie Nelson cough. My father and the uncles—The Devil’s Share—made us learn about all the great musicians who came before them, including their drug of choice. I untangled myself from the leech, ignoring her whiny protests. I walked to the front door and
then turned, taking a few pictures of the room through the haze. I’d been in New Orleans for a couple months now. When I’d left home two years ago, I’d had no direction. No plan. I’d just needed to leave, so I had. It was my Aunt Lexi who’d mailed my camera to me while I was living in the Arizona dessert. I’d left the camera at home when I’d taken off on my bike. I’d left everything that had reminded me of her. “Later.” I threw up my hand, telling everyone and no one goodbye. What I saw through my camera’s lens had become my life. My escape. My distraction. I took pictures of the world. The beautiful and the bad. Mostly the bad. I’d sent them all home to Aunt Lexi because I didn’t know what else to do with them. She’d gotten them showcased in a gallery, which led to a book deal and I’d become rich overnight-ish. Well, richer I guess. I’d grown up with more money than I’d known what to do with. But now I had my own, and I had a direction. I owed it all to my Aunt Lex. If she’d known why I left home, I’d bet she’d have never helped me. I climbed on the back of my bike, the same one I’d gotten when I turned nineteen. Maybe it was
the warm night air; maybe it was the worn-out road under my tires, but for some reason I let my memories take flight, which was something I rarely did. Thoughts of my past consumed me as I drove down the dark, narrow back roads toward my temporary home. *** I watched as she shut the red Mustang’s door, waving goodbye before starting up her long front walk. She was so beautiful. Her hair was long, somewhat wavy, and so free in the night wind. Halen never wore makeup; she didn’t need it. Her green eyes stood out, no matter what she was doing; hair up in a sloppy t-shirt or all dolled up, she was a knockout. “Where have you been?” I stepped away from the wall I was leaning against, keeping myself in the shadows. Halen didn’t jump at the sound of my voice; she knew I’d be waiting for her. “I was out with some friends.” She looked down at the phone in her hands. “It isn’t even past curfew.” Her remark made me feel like I was being possessive, which wasn’t my intention at all. I took another step toward her, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the porch light, just in case her
younger sisters were inside watching us. “I thought we had plans tonight.” She came with me, willingly, always. “We do, silly.” I walked backward, bringing her body flush against mine. “After I check in with my parents, right?” I put my face against her neck, inhaling her sweet scent. Halen always smelled like candy. “I came early—I couldn’t help it. I missed you today.” I wanted more time with her. Ever since the evening of her sixteenth birthday, ever since I’d kissed her in the glow of the sunset, being with her was all I thought about. She owned me. Well, she’d always owned me. But once I let myself taste her, there was no going back. “I want to hold you, Sweets.” The stunning girl in my arms used to follow me around everywhere I went. She tagged along on every adventure she could. But now our roles were reversed. I stuck to her like glue. Well, as much as I could without making our parents suspicious. They raised us to be close, but not as close as Halen and I had become over the last few months. “Let’s go now. I’ll just text my parents and say I’m staying at a friend’s house.” She wrapped her arms around my waist. “We can stay the night in
the tree house.” She made the suggestion in a timid, shy manner. We both knew what that meant, what she was implying. I picked my head up, meeting her gaze. I wanted to say yes. I wanted to have one whole night alone with her. No fear of our parents finding out, no intrusion from our siblings. I was in love with Halen, but she was only sixteen. I was twenty, and I should know better. “No way, Hales. No tree house, you know that.” Her smile fell and she pulled away from me. “Okay, well, should we just go inside then?” She took a step toward the door, but I caught her hand, stopping her. When I pulled her back around to face me, she was smiling. Her eyebrow cocked, like she was daring me to let her leave. She knew I wouldn’t. My self-restraint only went so far when it came to my girl. “No, let’s go for a ride.” I dipped down and placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth. “But then I’m bringing you home.” We walked hand in hand through the field separating my house from hers. Both our parents were at our Uncle Smith’s, on the other side of the compound. No one would hear me start up my bike and leave. And even if they did, they’d never assume I had Halen on the
back with her arms wrapped tight around me. I cut off my engine and climbed off my Triumph, unlocking the door to my swanky rented townhome in the heart of New Orleans. I was doing a whole series on the nightlife here in the Big Easy. Not the one you see on TV, but the one they want to keep hidden. The one that would scare the tourists away. I sank down onto the couch, without bothering to turn on any lights. It was one in the morning and I was exhausted. Trips down memory lane tended to do that to me. They drained all the fight from my body. I took my cell out of my jacket pocket. Five missed calls, all from my mom, and three unread texts, two from my sister and one from my dad. I grabbed the bottle of whiskey from where it sat half empty on the coffee table, turning it up. I wanted to pass out, not fall asleep. I didn’t want to dream, didn’t want to remember. I couldn’t handle any more tonight. I hit my dad’s name, and waited for him to pick up. And he would. It may be the middle of the night, but he’d always answer a call from his kids. “Why is it so damn difficult for you to return a fucking phone call these days?” He was attempting to sound pissed off. Not with his cuss words, those were normal, but with his tone.
“I’m sorry. I was working, just got in.” I kicked off my boots. “Where are you?” I moved around so much, I didn’t even bother to tell them anymore. “New Orleans.” I wasn’t sure how my parents would react to me living so close to where I was born. Where I was beaten and neglected. Where my father had rescued me. They didn’t need to worry, not about that at least. I had no desire to go back to my great-uncle’s house. No desire to look up old demons long forgotten. “You need to come home, bud.” My dad’s voice softened, his anger already gone. “I can’t.” It was the same answer every time either of my parents brought it up. None of the adults knew why I’d left like I did. I was sure they all had their theories, but they’d never gotten any explanation out of me or from my cousins either. And Halen? She’d never tell. “Beau. This time I mean it, there are things—” “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m not coming home.” I closed my eyes, swallowing against the lump that formed in my throat just thinking about it. “Why don’t you guys come here and visit? Landry can come too. I have another six weeks left on this lease before I head up the Natchez Trace.” I put the
phone on speaker and placed it on my chest, leaning back against the couch cushions. “Jared died this evening.” Jared. My bio father. “What happened?” “Heart attack.” Not surprising. Although he’d been clean and sober since he’d gotten out of prison when I was ten, his vices before that had probably weakened his body to the point of no return. He’d been in and out of our lives growing up. Coming by every now and then when he was passing through town. As far as I knew, the last couple of years he’d been living in California writing songs under a different name. “Beau?” “Yeah, I’m here.” I wasn’t really upset that Jared had died. I’d known him more as a friend of the family. He never stepped on my dad’s toes, never acted like he had any rights to me. He barely spoke to me when he did come around. “The band is holding a memorial service. We need you to come home.” He sighed. “I don’t know why you left, and I don’t know why you’ve never come back. We’ve given you your space. We’ve supported you. But you need to come home for this, bud.” I picked up my phone and leaned forward,
catching my reflection in the large mirror in the dining room. I looked like the rest of my family, even though they weren’t my blood. Dark hair, blue eyes, and a perpetual southern suntan. But my hair was long on top now, shaved close on the sides. My eyes were hard, duller than they used to be. My smile didn’t come nearly as easily. Would the guy staring back at me be a stranger to the people I’d grown up with? I wasn’t the same kid I was when I’d left home two years ago. I was tough. I was road weary. I was jaded, and I was heartbroken. “Beau?” “Yeah, Dad. I’m here.” I sighed. “I’ll get packed and head out in a few hours. I need to try to sleep a little first.” “You want us to send the plane? There is an airstrip in New Orleans the label uses all the time.” My dad sounded relieved. I was sure he was thankful I didn’t put up a fight. “No, I’ll take my bike.” I would need every hour on the road between here and Austin. It would take me every damn mile to gain the courage to step foot onto that compound. To look her in the eye. To feel every last bit of what we lost all over again. After I hung up I took another couple of long pulls from the whiskey bottle. But as I closed my
eyes, all I saw was her beautiful face. “I shouldn’t be in here, Sweets.” I was too old for her, like I’d always been. But I’d had a plan. I’d had a timeline that I’d sworn I’d stick to. I stifled a groan as her tight body moved under me. “We shouldn’t be—” “Will you quit it, please?” Halen put her hands on my face, smiling up at me. “You think way too damn much, Beau Weston Cole.” I did think too much, but I had to. Halen never thought at all, not when it came to us. She was all in with her whole heart, age difference be damned. I was the one constantly worrying that I was pushing too fast, taking too much. But I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stay away. It was no use. I closed my eyes and dropped my head to her chest. I whispered against her skin, “I just want to do right by you, Hales.” I placed a kiss on her collarbone then her neck. We were in her bedroom, just down the hall from her younger sisters. Under the same roof as her parents. Her family was my family too, and if they knew what I was in here thinking, what I was doing to their daughter— Uncle Dash would murder me. She brought her thigh higher up on my hip, arching her body, creating the perfect amount of
friction. “Just kiss me, please.” I did. I kissed her lips, her skin. I ran my hands across her stomach, up and down her thighs. I couldn’t get enough of her lately. Halen wanted more than just making out in the fields between our houses. I’d told her no. That we were going to wait. If I couldn’t stick to any other plan, I’d stick to that one. But, fuck, it was getting harder and harder to turn her down. And tonight, when she’d texted me, asking me to come over? I’d climbed out my window and into hers without a second thought. “Beau, please, I need—” “Shhh, Sweets. I got you.” I’d give her what she needed, what she was asking for. I’d take care of her, and then I’d leave her bed. I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t tempt myself any further. I wanted Halen in ways I couldn’t explain. In ways I’d never wanted anyone else. The day I kissed her for the first time, sitting on that old oak log, my world had tilted on its axis and everyone else ceased to exist. “Beau.” My name was a plea on her perfect lips. I closed my eyes to the sound, taking a deep breath. It took everything inside me to resist what she was so ready to give. “Shhh.” I needed her to be quiet.
I needed her parents to stay in their room. I let my hand trail down her bare stomach, inside the front of her panties, swallowing her gasp with my mouth. She arched into my hand, wanting more, always wanting more. I slipped one finger into her core, using the heel on my hand to keep pressure on her clit. I knew how to make her come. I knew exactly what she liked and what she needed. Halen consumed me. My nights, my days, they were spent learning her, mind and body. I stiffened when her hand went to my cock, her palm covering me over my thin athletic shorts. I bit my lip, trying to keep my own moans in check. Her lips touched my neck, her mouth near my ear. Her soft gasps sent chills down my spine. I added another finger, and she quickened her movements. It wasn’t long before we were both crying out our release into her pillow. “Fuck.” My eyes flew open, my heart pounding too hard to sleep through. That was why I never let myself remember, why I didn’t open that damned door. Once I did, memories came flooding back. And it hurt. It hurt so fucking much. The love. The loss. All of it.
Chapter Three Halen I woke to my phone ringing. I’d fallen asleep last night with the help of some old cough syrup I’d found in the bathroom cabinet. Nights weren’t easy for me, even now, two years later. But the medicine hadn’t kept my memories from creeping into my dreams. Seeing Avory and Crue fawn all over each other certainly wasn’t helping. I grabbed my cell, trying to focus my eyes on the screen. I still felt so groggy. “Hello?” “Hales. It’s me.” “Landry? What time is it?” I blinked, hard. I tried to see the clock on my wall, but it was no use. The cough medicine was still working its way through my system. “It’s almost eight.” I heard her moving around
in her beachfront apartment. I’d gone to visit her over our holiday break; she had always been like an older sister. “Jared died last night.” “Oh, wow. What happened?” Jared was Uncle Smith’s cousin and Beau’s biological father. He was the original drummer for the Devil’s Share before drugs became his life and he shot my uncle, and ended up in prison. I’d met him a couple times, but my parents weren’t big fans of my sisters and me being around him for obvious reasons. “Heart attack.” There was more rustling around. “My dad called me this morning. He wants me to head home. My flight leaves in an hour.” “Doesn’t Jared live in California? Why do you have to come all the way home first?” I doubted my parents would want my sisters and me to attend his funeral, but I could understand Landry and Beau going with my aunts and uncles. Beau. Letting myself think his name was not something I liked to do, and it was happening a lot in the last twentyfour hours. “Apparently the band is holding some big memorial for him. That’s what my dad said anyway.” “Here? In Austin?” Color me shocked. “My mom hates Jared, and Aunt Dilly says he’s a trigger
for Uncle Smith. I mean, we barely saw this guy our whole lives and now they’re putting on a memorial for him? I don’t under—” “Hales, I called to tell you because he’s coming home.” I went silent. My heart started to pound and tears instantly pricked the back of my eyes. “What did you say?” “Dad’s making Beau come back to the compound. He left for home a little while ago.” I took a deep breath, and then another. “Landry, I, uh…” I took another breath and another. Suddenly I felt like I was trying to breathe through one of those tiny red straws that came with your coffee. “I can’t really seem to—” “Hales?” “Can’t,” I gasped. “Breathe.” “You’ve got to calm down, okay? You’re having a panic attack.” My pulse was fast, and I was hot all over. I closed my eyes tight, trying to focus on what Landry was saying. “I need you to take a big, deep breath for me. There is nothing wrong with your lungs. You can breathe.” I was still gasping for air. “Halen. Please calm down.” When I got up and started pacing my room, the phone fell to the carpet with a soft thud. I could
hear Landry trying to talk to me, but she sounded so far away. The walls felt like they were closing in. My eyes darted around my room, looking for a way out. An escape. They landed on the window and I opened it without really thinking. I climbed down, my bare feet hitting the green grass. And I ran. I didn’t know where I was going or why. I just knew I was suffocating in my bedroom and I couldn’t be in there for another second. Suddenly the old tree house came into view. At the sight of it I dropped down to my knees, letting my tears take over. I was seventeen all over again, with my heart breaking for the second time in the same week. I curled up in ball, the dew from the grass soaking into my thin tshirt. And I cried. Just knowing he was on his way, on the road toward home, shattered my defenses. Shattered my perfectly constructed world. “Hales? Oh my god, Hales.” I heard Cash before I saw him. I’d know that voice anywhere. He scooped me up and carried me to the tree house. I wanted to tell him no. I wanted to scream at him that I couldn’t go in there. But I couldn’t find my voice. So I gave up and I prepared myself for what I knew was about to happen.
*** “Sweets?” I rolled my eyes at the question in Beau’s voice. Always the good guy; always so protective over my virtue. He hadn’t needed to be. It was his from day one. “Don’t Sweets me like that. I’m not a child.” He bit his bottom lip, looking me up and down. “I’m well aware of that, Hales.” He crossed the room and took my face in his hands, with reverence. “But you are four years younger than me—” “Three and some change.” I winked. “There is no pressure here. We can wait. We can wait until you’re older, until we’re not living on this compound anymore.” He kissed me. “We have one more year, and then we can go. Just you and me.” I shook my head, smiling. “No more waiting, Beau.” I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. I knew he wanted me. This was my decision to make, and I was ready. I’d been ready for the last six months. “Please.” I peeled my shirt over my head, tossing it to the side. It was the middle of the night, and I’d snuck out to meet him here. At the
tree house, the place we’d played as kids. My heart was pounding in my chest. But not from nervousness—it was all excitement. I knew that Beau would take care of me. I trusted him, always. “Hales, baby, please, we can—” “I want you, Beau.” He went silent, my plea cutting him off. We stared at each other, my face still in his hands. Finally, he took in a deep inhale and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and ran my fingers through his messy, dark brown hair, knowing that I’d won. He laid me down on the pallet I’d made earlier that day, covering my mostly naked body with his, the material from his jeans rough against my bare thighs. “I want you too, Sweets. So damn bad.” I reached between us and unbuttoned his pants, helping him slide them off. He gazed down at me, so much affection in his eyes. I knew there was no one else on this planet for me. Beau was everything. He was my past, my present and my future. He was my friend, my protector, my heart. And the way I felt right now, the way I wanted him…I never wanted this feeling to go away. I reached down and grabbed a condom from the box I’d gotten at the gas station. I held it up and he
took it, a smirk on his face. He’d used that excuse before, the excuse of not having a condom. He did any and everything to stop this from happening. He thought we needed to wait, he thought we needed to be off the compound and on our own. But I didn’t. And this time, I’d thought of everything. This time I was getting what I wanted. A whole night alone with Beau. I watched with fascination as he rolled the condom on. He was so confident, so sure of his every move. It made me want him even more. “Are you sure you’re—” “Beau. Stop thinking.” I arched up and placed my mouth on his. I tangled my tongue with his, kissing him deeply, just the way he liked. He melted against me, all tension slowly leaving his body. I felt the head of his cock at my entrance. Butterflies took flight in my stomach. I’d waited for this for so long. I wanted it to be Beau; there was no one else I could ever imagine wanting to give myself to. His eyes searched mine. I knew he was looking for any shred of doubt, of wariness or reservation. I made sure that all he saw was love—and want. “Halen.” I put my hands on his hips, pulling him toward
me. “Please, Beau.” I didn’t know what I would do if he turned back now. I never wanted this desire in my heart to go away. I wanted to feel like this every time he looked at me. I gasped when he entered me for the first time, the feeling somewhat foreign. “I’m sorry, Sweets, I—” I shook my head, biting down on my lower lip. “No, it’s okay. I’m okay. Please don’t stop.” He pulled out slightly. “I love you so fucking much, Halen. Hurting you is the last thing I would ever do. You know that, right?” I nodded. I knew he was talking about the pain I was feeling right now, the fullness of him inside me. But I also knew that he’d never break my heart. I trusted Beau with every fiber of my being; I always had. I closed my eyes against the quick jolt of pain when he thrust forward. He stilled inside me, letting me adjust, his breath fanning my flushed face. “Open your eyes, Halen.” I did what he told me, and he then he started to move. His pace was slow and careful, always not wanting to hurt me. I knew what pleasure felt like. I knew because he taught me. He’d taught me what
I liked, and how to get it. I moved my mouth to his ear, letting my panting drive him wild. I hiked my leg higher up his hip, opening myself for him. Letting him know that I was okay, that I wanted more. His arms shook slightly on either side of my head. I wrapped my palms around his forearms while I looked into his gorgeous piercing blue eyes. “You okay?” I nodded, my mouth parting in pleasure when he buried himself fully inside me, grinding his pelvis against my clit. “I’m more than okay.” He dipped down, doing a push up, then kissed my lips. His tongue danced with mine until we were both breathing so hard we had to stop. His forehead dropped to my shoulder. “Fuck, Sweets. You’re so tight, I can barely move. You feel so damn good.” The gravelly sound of his voice sent chills down my spine. I arched my neck, my moans filling the tree house. He moved his lips to my ear. “As good as you sound, baby, I need you to be quiet for me.” “I don’t think I can. It’s never, it’s never…” I moaned again, louder this time. I thought the first time we were together like this it would hurt too
much. I thought that it’d be good for him, but it’d take time for me to enjoy it. I was so wrong. His every move sent pleasure shooting through my body. “Beau.” I screamed his name and he covered my mouth with his, swallowing my orgasm. He picked up speed, thrusting into me harder, faster. It wasn’t long before I was the one muffling his moans. His whole body shuddered, his cock twitching inside me. We stayed connected, both panting into the silent night. After a few minutes he pulled back, and looked into my eyes. Once again searching. I smiled. “I’m fine, Beau. I’m more than fine. I’m perfect.” “I love you, Halen. I love you so much.” *** “Hales? Can you hear me?” I felt Cash shake me but I couldn’t answer. The memory was too fresh, too hurtful. “Landry, she still isn’t talking.” His face came into view, his eyes a picture of concern. “Yeah, she’s looking at me. She’s just not answering me.” He reached out and wiped a stray tear from my face. “She’s crying.” I watched as he held the phone to his ear and glanced at our
surroundings. “I don’t think anyone else saw her. I brought her into the tree house.” His eyes met mine again, and he closed them for a second. “Shit. I didn’t even think about that. I was just trying to get her out of the field.” He nodded his head. “Yeah, you get to the airport, I’ve got her.” He pursed his lips, still studying me. “Have a safe flight…love you too.” He hung up and then sat down on the floor next to me, pulling me into his arms. “I’m okay.” “No. You aren’t.” He sighed and kissed the top of my head. “But I’m here. I got you.” I wiped at my eyes with the hem of my shirt. “How’d you know where to find me?” “Landry called me after you stopped responding to her.” His hands rubbed my hair. “The grass is so tall in the field right now I couldn’t see you at first.” I felt him shrug. “Probably a good thing though. If I couldn’t see you I’m guessing none of the ‘rents could either.” He chuckled. “Thank Jett. He was supposed to mow last weekend.” “He’s coming home.” My whisper was small, weak. “I know he is, Hales.” Cash stood and helped me to my feet. “Come on, let’s get you dry. I think Avory has some spare clothes in Crue’s room. We’ll
get you fixed up and tell my parents you and I went for a run this morning, okay?” I nodded, letting him lead me out of the tree house. I hopped on his back and he carried me all the way to his place, opening Crue’s window and lifting me inside with ease. His twin was sitting up in his bed scrolling through his phone. “Uh, what’s up Hales?” I sat down next to him and Cash crawled in after me. “Avory have any clothes here?” Crue raised an eyebrow but pointed to his dresser. “Bottom drawer in the back.” When Cash threw me a pair of shorts and a tshirt I went into Crue’s bathroom, changing quickly and splashing some cold water on my face. I looked as crazy and worn out as I felt. I went through his cabinets until I found a brush and one of my sister’s hair ties, pulling my hair on top of my head before turning out the light. “Much better.” Cash smiled at me, brightly. No doubt they were talking about me while I was in the other room changing. Not that I blamed them. I’d just lost my shit, had a panic attack, and then pretty much blacked out for a few minutes. “You hungry?” I shook my head.
Crue stood, rubbing his hands together. “Coffee?” When I nodded he kissed me on the forehead on his way out of his bedroom. The twins were two years younger than me, but they treated all us girls like we were theirs to protect. Once Crue left I could feel Cash’s eyes boring into my skull. I sighed. “I’m okay.” “Let’s not start that again, yeah?” He leaned against the wall, his arms crossed. “We don’t need another year of the ‘I’m okay’ mantra. No one believes you anyway.” I let out a humorless laugh. “What the hell am I supposed to do, Cash? Should I keep crying? Have another panic attack? Lock myself in my room and refuse to come out until he leaves again? Yeah, that wouldn’t be suspicious at all.” I rubbed my eyes. “I have to be okay, I don’t have another choice. We’ve kept all this from the parents for two years. I’m not going to let all that secrecy…all those nights I spent crying into my pillow, go to waste.” “Let’s leave then. Just you and me.” Cash put his hands on my shoulders then squatted down, tipping his face to hold my gaze. “We’ll take a little road trip, head up to Dallas and visit Evie.” I shook my head. “If Uncle Jacks is making
Beau and Landry come home, you know Uncle Smith is going to make Evie come too. For some stupid reason they want all hands on deck for this memorial.” I took a deep breath, willing myself not to start crying again. “I can do this.” I straightened my spine. “It’s been two years. I’ve mourned everything that happened. I can make it through a few days with Beau.” Cash sidestepped to the left, blocking the doorway so I couldn’t leave. “We both know you aren’t prepared for this. It’s one thing when he’s five states away ignoring the fact that this place even still exists, it’s a whole other when he’s sitting across from you at family dinner.” I loved my cousins so damn much. They were pains in my ass, but they were growing up to be such good men. So strong, so protective, so loving. “I have you guys. You and Crue, Jett even. As long as I have you guys with me running defense, I can do this. I don’t need to be alone with him, right? There is no reason for that. But avoiding him completely? The parents will start putting pieces together, and start asking questions. They can’t find out, Cash. That’s something I really won’t survive.” I got choked up, a lump forming in my throat. “They can’t know, they can’t ever—”
“Shhh, Hales. It’s okay.” Cash grabbed me, pulling me into his big frame, wrapping his arms around my back. “They’ll never find out. We promised. We all did.” He kissed the top of my head again. “No worries. We’re here.”
Chapter Four Beau All too soon I was back in Texas, just an hour outside Austin. The whole trip had been a blur. Memory after memory tried to push its way into my mind. I’d been blocking them out. I’d had my earbuds in and the volume had been turned up to a near-deafening decibel. Then our song, a silly little love song I’d learned to play on the guitar for her, came on and I’d been pulled under. These are the days, of the endless summer These are the days, the time is now It was an old Van Morrison tune, someone her mom had always loved. His songs played in their home nonstop when we were growing up. That one had been Halen’s favorite. She’d been fourteen when she told me it reminded her of me. So I’d
spent hours with my dad learning to play it. I’d told him it was extra credit in one of my music classes. There is no past, there’s only future There’s only here, there’s only now I’d had every intention of skipping it, hitting shuffle, and moving on. There was no need to torture myself. But I just couldn’t do it. Instead, I let the notes worm their way into my soul. I smiled, despite myself, singing along until the very end. These are the days that will last forever You’ve got to hold them in your heart I wouldn’t cry, but I wanted to. Over and over again. It didn’t matter how far I ran, it didn’t matter how much time had passed, how many miles I’d put between us. Remembering Halen, remembering the way I loved her, the way she loved me, it was like taking a bullet straight to my heart. My feelings never faded. No matter how hard I tried to let her go. She was a part of me, and I was a part of her. Irrevocably. *** “Hey, Beau, wait up a minute.” I froze in my tracks, letting my Uncle Dash catch up while I prayed to every god under the sun that my uncle hadn’t heard Hales moaning my
name last night. My girl was insatiable and vocal about it. “What’s up?” I was fidgeting. Mostly because I was nervous, but also because I wanted as much time with Halen as possible before I had to head into work. I loved helping out part-time at our parents’ record label. My Aunt Lexi let me help her with artwork and graphics. It was like a hobby that my parents paid me for. That’s why I’d gone to school at the Art Institute—well, one of the reasons anyway. Being able to live at home and commute to Austin allowed me to be close to my girl. “I wanted to talk to you about Halen.” I fought the urge to pass out. “Uh, what about her?” Please don’t be because he found condoms in her trash. Please don’t let me have been that stupid. “Is everything okay with her? Did she go through a breakup we don’t know about? Problems with her friends at school?” I jerked back slightly, completely relieved. “No. Everything is fine. Why?” “I just feel like she’s become so serious lately. She’s home all the time, she never parties anymore, she doesn’t go out. Every time we ask her what’s wrong, she says nothing, that she just likes being
home.” I raised my eyebrows. “That’s a bad thing?” I hated feeling possessive, like I was keeping her from her life. I was older than she was, and I’d lived more than she had. But at the same time, I wanted her with me. “Not necessarily.” He shrugged. “But she was always out with her friends before, I mean that girl was never home. And now it’s the polar opposite. I want to make sure everything is okay. I don’t want her to look back on this time in her life and have regrets. You’re an adult for the rest of your life, but you’re only a kid for so long. You know what I mean, right?” I did know what he meant. I was an adult and she wasn’t. I was too old for her right now. I was making her miss out on her adolescence. She should be drinking cheap keg beer at lake parties and cheering at football games, not on the back of my bike looking for a deserted dirt road. I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “You want me to talk to her?” He put his hand on my shoulder. “I want to make sure she’s okay. And I know she won’t tell me if something is going on. Maybe she’s having some problems at school. You’re like her brother, her
best friend. She’ll talk to you.” After all this time, he still saw me as her friend, her big brother. It made guilt gnaw at my gut. We were lying to our parents’ faces, day in and day out. And her father had noticed a change in her. A change I’d caused. He thought she was missing out on all the fun things being young and wild had to offer. And he was right. “Sure, I’ll talk to her.” My uncle went out the front door, completely trusting me here alone with his seventeen-year-old daughter. I continued down the hallway toward her room, his words weighing on my mind. She still went out with her friends, right? I wracked my brain trying to remember the last time we’d spent an evening apart. I knocked on her door, opening it at the same time. “Hey.” Halen was sitting on her bed, surrounded by textbooks. She was so smart. She loved to read. Her brain was like a sponge, always had been. “Hey.” I launched myself on her bed, capturing her perfect lips with mine. “I need to talk to you about something your dad just said.” I kissed her again, rolling her body on top of mine, my hands on the tops of her thighs. She smiled, straddling my lap. “Me first.”
I smirked, my uncle’s concerns already starting to leave my brain while I took her hips in my hands, grinding her against me. “I have only like ten minutes, but if you want—” “I’m pregnant.” I stopped breathing. I sat up, keeping her in my lap and taking her beautiful face in my hands. “What? How?” We were always so careful. I was overly cautious with her. We used condoms, lots of them. And I pulled out, every damn time. Halen was everything to me. I wanted to give her a perfect life, a planned and thought-out life. I shouldn’t have been surprised; none of my other timeline plans had worked out. She shook her head. “I don’t know.” She reached into her nightstand and pulled out a cupful of pregnancy tests. “I’ve been feeling really tired and I threw up the other morning. I thought there was no way I was pregnant, that I must have come down with a bug or something. But…” She looked down at all the tests in her hands. “They’re all positive.” “Fuck. Hales.” I dropped my head to her chest. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. I should have never let this happen. I, fuck, I should have known better. We could have waited, we should
have waited. I—” “Beau. Stop.” She put the tests down beside us, picking my head up so I’d look into her eyes. “This is an accident, not a tragedy. Okay? Everything is going to be fine. I’ll graduate early, we’ll just move out a year sooner than we thought we would. No big deal.” No big deal? “How can you say that? You’re only a junior in high school. You have your whole life ahead of you. Your senior year? College? Not to mention the fact that your dad is going to fucking kill me. And then my dad is going to bring me back to life so that he and the rest of my uncles can take a turn.” She was so calm, so at ease while I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I’d just ruined her life. All her plans? All her dreams? They were nothing now. A baby? Our parents weren’t going to forgive us for sneaking around behind their backs. I was almost twenty-one. I had no business being with a seventeen-year-old. Uncle Dash had been right. Halen was missing out on her youth. And I’d just made it that much worse. Me. My fault. I should have never let this happen. “I know what you’re thinking right now, Beau. I can pretty much hear your thoughts.” Halen put
her hands on her hips. “Your age doesn’t matter.” I opened my mouth to protest but she kept on talking. “We’ve been inseparable since we were kids. I’ve loved you my whole life. My parents have loved you. Are they going to freak out? Sure. But you and me? We can get through anything, right?” I couldn’t help but smile at her positive attitude. I’d destroyed her life, our parents were going to blow a gasket, and she was perched on my lap telling me all the reasons we were going to be okay. In the end, I would do anything she wanted me to. I lived for her happiness. I lived for her. I always had. “Is this what you want?” I reached out and put my hand on her stomach. “You’re barely seventeen, Sweets.” And I was too old for her. I should have stuck to my guns. I didn’t need sex to be happy with her. I didn’t need anything except her smiles, her love. She put her hand on top of mine and for some reason my heart melted. “I love you with everything I am. It’s always been you, Beau. We wanted this eventually, right? Our own place, our own family.” She shrugged. “It’s just happening a little sooner is all.” We’d lain under the stars long before we’d ever taken things between us to a more physical level, dreaming about the future. About a
time when we were older, when we wouldn’t have to hide. A time where we could have our own home; our own family. Halen was my whole world. “When do you want to tell them?” I could do this. I could be strong for her. I could do anything as long as she was beside me, her hand in mine. “I have a doctor’s appointment next week. We’ll tell them after that. It’ll give me time to submit my transcript for early graduation. I’ve been thinking about doing that anyway.” Early graduation. Guess that kind of proved her father’s point. And she wouldn’t be doing too much partying now either way. If this was the life she wanted, then this was the life I would give her. I leaned back on her pillows, keeping my hand on her flat belly. I couldn’t seem to stop touching her stomach. “You’ve got it all figured out, huh?” She followed me, lying with her head on my chest, tapping the rhythm of my heartbeat with her fingertips. “I had to.” She laughed. The sound made me grin despite my fears. “I know you, Beau. I knew you’d freak out. That you’d tell me you should have known better—” “I should have known better.” I’d told her no a million times. Told her we needed to wait, we
needed to be off the compound and on our own. But she’d pushed and pushed. And eventually, I couldn’t say no anymore. I was so tired of denying myself the one thing I craved above all else— Halen. “I’m pretty sure this kid is equal parts me and you.” She looked up at me, so much love and trust in her pretty green eyes. “We’re all going to be okay, Beau.” I kissed her lips. I was still terrified, still ridden with guilt. But I’d do anything Halen wanted me to. We had plenty of money; we could get a house in town. I’d finish college, and then stay home with the kid so she could go to college. If she wanted to have this baby, I’d be the best damn father I could possibly be. Loving my girl was easy. I was sure loving our baby would be even easier. I sat up and rolled her body underneath mine. She wrapped her toned, tanned legs around my hips and pulled my hardening cock where she wanted me. Where she always wanted me. She giggled. “Now, about that ten minutes…” I sighed, doing a push up and kissing her smiling lips. “What am I going to do with you, Sweets?” She pulled her plump bottom lip through her
straight white teeth. “Whatever you want.” I hopped up and she started to protest until I threw the lock on her bedroom door. “Where is your mom?” She smirked. “Her studio, waiting on you.” I grabbed her shorts and pulled them off, unbuckling my belt as I placed a knee on her mattress. “You better come for me quick then, Sweets.” I didn’t get undressed, and besides her shorts, neither did she. I knew Halen, I knew her every curve. I could make her scream my name as quickly or as drawn out as I wanted to. She was all mine, and I was all hers. I hadn’t been a virgin the first time I was with Halen, and fuck, I wished I had been. I’d give anything to go back in time and be able to give her the same gift she’d given me. I entered her in one smooth motion, without a condom. She was already pregnant, what did it matter at this point? My eyes rolled back in my head as she cried out and dug her nails into my back. I’d never felt anything like it. Being inside her bare was the best thing I’d ever felt. “Beau.” She moaned, loud and long. “It feels so…” “I know, Sweets.” I reached between us, finding
her clit with my thumb. I wouldn’t last much longer. The feeling was too intense, the emotion too strong. Halen was my girl, my world. And we were going to have a baby. “Fuck. Hales.” She looked up at me, her eyes pleading. She was close and she needed me to help her. I covered her mouth with mine, swallowing her cries. Swallowing my name tearing out of her throat. My arms shook as I followed her over the cliff, coming inside her tight, perfect body. “Fuck, I love you, Sweets.” “I love you too, Beau. Always.” *** I pulled my bike over on the side of the small road leading to my family’s compound, the same road where I’d kissed Halen that first time, all those years ago. That was the moment I’d ruined her life. There were miles separating me from my home, mere miles. I’d be there in a matter of minutes. I sat down in the dirt, the fallen oak tree now long gone, my head in my hands. I’d give myself three minutes. Three minutes to hurt and to let the tears fall. But that was it, and it was more than I deserved.
Chapter Five Halen “You sure you’re okay?” I glanced up in my bathroom mirror, giving Cash a sad smile. “No.” I shrugged. “But I’m getting all itchy from the wet grass I had my meltdown in this morning.” “I can stay.” He sat down on the toilet, angling his back away from the shower I’d just turned on. “I’ll face the wall and talk to you about boring stuff.” The room was slowly filling with steam. “Cash, that’s very sweet.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. “But very unnecessary.” I shoved him out the door, shutting it and then leaning against it, breathing deeply. He hadn’t left me alone all morning. After we’d had breakfast with his
parents, he and Crue had followed me home, where they’d eaten a second breakfast with my family. Then Cash had insisted that we needed to catch up on our Netflix shows, so he’d been posted up in my bed for the last four hours. “I’ll be right out here if you need anything.” “Okay, thank you.” I doubted I’d need anything in the freaking shower. I was sore and achy from my panic attack and crying fit earlier. I felt drained, emotionally and physically. The next week was going to be torture, but I had no other choice than to endure it. It was bad enough that our cousins had been brought into Beau and my mess. I wouldn’t bring our parents in. Not now. Not ever. There were some things that were better left unsaid. I tossed Avory’s borrowed clothes into my hamper and stepped under the hot water, instantly relaxing. I felt some of the tension leave my muscles and I sagged in relief. Fudge. Today had sucked. And it was only a little after twelve. I washed my hair, and then my body, watching as little blades of grass went down the drain as I rinsed all the soap away. I should have known better. I should have showered in Avory’s bathroom, or back in Crue’s room.
Today was too raw. He was too close. *** I started to cry as the blood circled the drain. I was eleven weeks pregnant, and I was having a miscarriage. I knew it with every fiber of my being. This immense feeling of loss and sadness came over me. But I didn’t look away. I didn’t think it was fair. Someone had to be here, someone had to witness this. It was happening and my heart was breaking. We hadn’t told our parents yet. I’d chickened out and begged Beau to wait until after my second appointment. An appointment I wouldn’t need now. I sat down on the tiled shower floor, letting the hot water wash everything away. I couldn’t tell you how long I stayed in there. The water was cold by the time I got out. I wrapped a towel around my body and climbed shakily into bed. I grabbed my phone and sent Beau a text, Come over. Something happened. I should have called him, but I couldn’t. I knew I wouldn’t be able to say the words out loud. It was dark outside when I heard my window open. I didn’t roll over. I didn’t look at him. I just started to sob all over again. I let the tears fall as he climbed on the bed next to me.
“Sweets, what’s wrong?” “The baby. I, uh, I lost the baby.” I curled in on myself as the cramps that were wracking my body turned brutal. “Hales. I—fuck, I don’t even know what to say right now.” I felt his tears against my skin before I heard them. “I’m so sorry.” I knew he was trying to keep it together. We laid like that, close, crying, mourning the loss of the child we’d never get a chance to meet. At some point I must have fallen asleep. I woke up to Beau freaking out. “Landry, fuck, I don’t know what to do. There is so much blood.” I opened my eyes, searching my room. Beau was at the foot of my bed, his shirt now gone. “Eleven weeks.” He headed into the bathroom, his phone to his ear. “She was in the shower when it started, I think. I don’t know, we both fell asleep, but when I woke up…” He came back out, a stack of towels in his hands, and some new sheets. “Okay, yeah.” I sat up, clutching my stomach. The cramps were more like a dull ache now. “I’m freaking out here. Uncle Dash could be home any second.” Beau shook his head. “No, we didn’t tell anyone. I don’t want to pull them into this, especially now.” His comment hurt.
Especially now that there was nothing to pull them into was what he meant. And the thought took my breath away. “Fuck. Fine. But just the twins. No one else, Landry, I mean it.” He hung up and lifted me out of bed. “You need to get in the bath, Sweets, okay?” I did what I was told mainly because I didn’t know what else to do. I was exhausted and I was cold. I sat in the warm water, my knees to my chest. I could hear Beau moving around in my bedroom, the sound of a trash bag opening. My brain wasn’t working right. It was like I was drugged, or just too tired to function. He came back in a few minutes later and climbed in with me. He washed me, and then himself. All his movements were so loving, so gentle. He dried me off and helped me get dressed in some comfy, baggy clothes. “Sweets, I’ve got to get us out of here, okay? I don’t want your parents to find us like this.” I swallowed, my throat raw and hoarse. “I’ll just tell them I’m sick. I’ll be okay.” Tears filled my eyes once again. “You can just hang in the living room, I’ll text you if—” “No. Not a chance in hell, Halen. I’m staying right next to you.” He picked me up easily then
hurried out my door and down the hall. I took a deep breath when we left my house; the cool night air felt good in my lungs. Beau carried me across the field and into our old tree house. The place we’d played when we were young, the place we’d first made love. “I’m sorry.” I wasn’t sure what I was apologizing for. It’s not like it was my fault. It wasn’t anyone’s. “Shhh, Sweets. There is nothing for you to be sorry for.” He laid me down on the pallet we still kept in there for the times we couldn’t seem to sneak off the compound. He bowed his body against mine. “Everything is going to be okay. I’ll fix it all, no worries.” I was about to ask what he meant, but the small door opened and Cash stuck his head inside. “Hey.” He looked at me with so much pain in his eyes. I couldn’t handle it. I shut my lids and buried my face against Beau’s chest. “Hey, look, I’m sorry to get you guys in the middle of this.” Beau was whispering, rubbing his hand over my hair. “But I don’t want to leave her. Can you just tell Uncle Dash and Aunt Lexi that you saw Hales leave with that blonde chick that’s
always hanging around?” “Skylar?” “Yeah. That one. I already texted from her phone telling them she was staying the night there.” When had he figured all this out? How long was I sleeping? “I told my parents I wouldn’t be home ’til late. If they ask, just tell them you saw me head out on my bike, okay?” “Yeah, man, sure. Whatever y’all need.” There was a brief pause. “Crue and Avory suggested we all go out to dinner, we’ll make sure to talk them into a movie or something. No worries.” I hated that we’d brought our younger cousins into this. I never wanted them to have to lie for us about this. We were always careful, so damn careful. Cash must have left, because I didn’t hear his voice again. The only sounds in the room were me crying and Beau whispering over and over how much he loved me, and how sorry he was. I wanted to say the same things to him, but I couldn’t stop sobbing long enough to do it. *** “Hales. Fuck.” I snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of Cash’s voice. I started to shake, the hot water doing nothing to get rid of the sudden chill in
my bones. “I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone.” He opened the shower door, letting all the warmth out and wrapping me in a towel. I knew I was crying, my tears mixing with the water from my shower. “I’m okay, Cash.” “Like fuck you are.” He sat me down on the toilet and closed my bathroom door, locking it. “You were crying so loud I could hear you in the next room, Hales. You are not okay. Nothing about this is okay. I was there that night, I saw you. I saw him. I saw how fucking wrecked you both were. And then when he—” “Stop. Please.” I pulled my towel tighter around me. “I’m okay.” Cash had been right, the I’m okay mantra was going strong. He gave me an irritated look and I threw my hands in the air. “What am I supposed to do, Cash? Huh?” “Let’s get out of town. We’ve never needed our parents’ permission, they can’t stop us. And why the hell should we put in face time at Jared’s memorial? He was nothing to us.” He kneeled down in front of me. “I’ll take you anywhere you want to go, Hales.” I gave him a small smile. “Beau’s our family. He’s your family. I can’t avoid him forever and I certainly can’t expect you to either.” I took a deep
breath. “I will make it through this. Just like I made it through two years ago.” I squared my shoulders. “I usually don’t let the memories take hold like that. I keep all that stuff locked up real tight in a corner of my mind that I never touch. I guess, with him being so close—” “I am your shadow.” I snorted. “What?” “For the next week, for as long as he is here, I don’t want you alone. You’re either with me or Crue. Landry too, when she gets home.” Cash stood up and put his hands on his hips. “I mean it, Hales. You aren’t to be alone with him or with your thoughts. If I see one more breakdown, I’m throwing you in my truck and we’re leaving. Do you hear me?” I wanted to laugh at his demands and overprotectiveness. It was comical that my younger cousin was standing in my bathroom, explaining how he was going to protect me from Beau, and from myself. Fudge. I never thought I’d be here. When Beau and I fell in love…never in a million years did I think our relationship would end, or that I wouldn’t be able to handle being in the same room as him. He was my world, my best friend—my heart. And
no one had ever, or would ever, be able to hurt me as bad as he did. “Yeah, I hear you. You’re right.”
Chapter Six Beau I pulled my bike up in front of my house. I couldn’t help but smile. I hadn’t been home in two years, and even though the pain was simmering just under the surface, it was still good to be back. The house looked the same except there were different vehicles in the driveway. Both my parents loved fast cars. The front door opened and my mom raced down the smooth tiled stairs. Her dark hair was shorter than it had been when I’d seen her last. I climbed off my Triumph, removed my helmet, and let her hug me. “Hey, Mom.” She pushed me back so she could look at me, her bright blue eyes glassed over with happy tears. “I can’t believe you’re here, Beau. I can’t believe I get both my kids under the same roof at the same
time.” I felt guilty about not coming home, and it was hard that they didn’t know why I’d left or why I’d stayed gone. But everything I did was to protect everyone I loved. I knew that Halen would never see it that way. I knew she probably hated me. And I could deal with that. I would deal with it. Because her happiness, her future was all that mattered to me. “I know. It’s good to be home.” I cleared my throat, swallowing the partial lie. “Is Landry back yet?” After I unhooked my small duffle bag, Mom looped her arm through mine and we walked side by side up the walkway then onto the porch. “Your dad and sister came in not five minutes before we heard you pull up.” She opened the front door and my older sister flew into my arms. “I haven’t seen you in months.” She pulled away and slapped my shoulder. “You are not allowed to avoid seeing me for that long ever again.” Landry and I met up a lot over the last couple of years. If I was somewhere cool and she had a break in her schedule, she’d come visit. But now that she’d chosen a specialty, she basically lived at the hospital. “I missed you too.”
“Are both our kids in our home, at the same time? Or am I high?” We both turned when Dad sauntered up. I laughed. “Probably both, old man.” I hugged him, feeling like a little kid again. I had missed my family. I really had. “Something smells amazing. What’s for dinner?” I grew up having nonstop home-cooked meals. Between dinnertime at my house and family dinners with the rest of the Devil’s Share crew, I ate well. On the road? Not so much. Even when I stayed in one location for a few months, I ate out most nights. “That smell is the ribs I put on the grill this afternoon.” My dad took off in the direction of the back door. “Come have a beer with me before everyone else gets here.” “Everyone else?” I tried to keep my voice steady, my hands relaxed at my sides. I tried to keep my sudden anxiety hidden from my parents. “The whole family is joining us?” My mom laughed. “Are you kidding? Of course they are. You haven’t been home in two years. They are all dying to see you.” “We’re lucky they aren’t already here, beating down the door.” He gestured with his head. “Now come spend some time with me while you can.”
One beer—we’d gotten to have one beer in peace before the rest of my family started showing up. It was good to see them, to see all of them. My cousins had grown so much. Crue looked like one of Chris Hemsworth’s kids, so I was guessing Cash did too. Jett had gotten so tall, so poised. Avory and Marley were gorgeous, and of course so was Emmie. Evie was coming home in the morning; she had a test she couldn’t miss that afternoon up in Dallas. Every time the door opened, I held my breath, waiting to see Halen’s face. I was equal parts terrified and excited. I had no misgivings, no expectations. Halen hated me, and she had every right to. She didn’t understand why I’d left, didn’t see that I’d done it for her. I knew that. I’d always known that. I leaned over to Crue. “Hey, man, where is your brother?” “He’s, uh, he’s over at the house with Hales.” Crue took a sip off the beer I’d snuck him in an old Devil’s Share Yeti tumbler. “They’ll be here soon.” Avory called for him and Crue stepped away. Cash hated me too, and I didn’t blame him either. Selfishly, I’d made him a part of my leaving. I’d sworn that I never wanted to bring my cousins into our lies. But I had.
Over and over, especially when it came to Cash. *** “Why the hell did you wake me up before dawn for this? I’ve seen the sunrise from here. Why the four-wheeler outing? I’m not ten anymore, dude.” It was early and Cash was not buying my “cousin bonding” bullshit. I’d brought him out here for one reason, and one reason only. I needed someone to know what was going on, I needed someone to take care of my girl. “I’m leaving.” He turned, hands on his hips. “You’re leaving the compound?” When I didn’t answer, he said, “You’re leaving Halen.” There was no question in his voice anymore. Only anger and accusation. “You sorry son of a bitch.” I was a sorry son of a bitch. I was nothing. I’d hurt the one person in this world that I’d never wanted to hurt. I’d held her while she’d cried, I’d cried with her. I’d wanted our baby, I’d wanted to be its father so damn bad. I wanted to spend the rest of my life making both of them happy. But we’d lost the baby. And this was my chance to do right by Halen. She still had so much life to live, and being with me wasn’t doing her any good. I was holding her back. Her dad had seen it, and
now I did too. “Halen is better off without me. I should have never kissed her, never touched her. What I did was wrong and I broke her.” He scoffed. “You broke her? No, losing your baby broke her. She’s mourning, man. She’ll be okay. She’ll smile again. She’ll—” “It’s more than that, Cash. Yeah, it’s the baby, and it’s the loss, but it’s everything else too. The lying to our parents, the nights spent sneaking around. She doesn’t go out, she doesn’t spend time with friends. I’m her whole world. And I don’t deserve to be. She needs more out of life.” “Says you.” I had lain awake every night for the last week thinking of nothing but Halen. As much as I didn’t want to leave her or my home, I didn’t see another choice. If I stayed, we’d be together and she’d have no life. I knew that with everything inside me. She was like a magnet linked to my soul. She had been since the first moment I’d seen her. In order to set her free, I needed to go. I took a deep breath. “You can’t change my mind on this.” “Then why the fuck did you bring me out here?” “You two are close, I need you to look out for her. Make sure she laughs. Make sure she lives.
Make sure she moves on. Don’t let her cry for me. I’m not worth it.” And I wasn’t. Because of what I did to her, she was depressed. She was sad and crying all the time. Landry assured me that Halen’s reaction was normal, expected. But no one knew her like I did. She wasn’t okay. I’d ruined her life. I’d broken her. “Fuck you for this, man.” Cash shook his head, his jaw clenched tight. “Don’t come back. Don’t call, don’t write, don’t text. If you’re leaving her? Then fucking leave. No back and forth, no toying with her emotions.” His tone was harsh but I could see the emotion in his eyes. I was disappointing him. I was letting him down too. I was the oldest boy, the one they looked up to. And I was breaking his heart just like I had broken hers. I kicked at a rock on the ground. “I’m not coming back, Cash.” “You…suck. You just fucking suck, man.” I nodded. “You’re right.” I climbed on my fourwheeler. “Just take care of her for me.” *** And it seemed like Cash had kept his promise, even now, two years later. Still by her side when she needed him.
Landry came and hooked her arm up and around my neck, bringing me back to the here and now. “How does it feel to be home, baby brother?” Landry had never made me feel like anything other than her blood, her family. From the second my dad had brought me home, she was my sister and that was the end of that. Adopted meant nothing in our home. Family was family. I met her playful gaze. “Gut wrenching.” I watched with regret as her eyes filled with tears. I hadn’t meant to bring her down, but she was one of the few people I could be honest with. And walking around, drinking a cold beer like this wasn’t the town my soul had died in was hard as fuck. “Beau.” Her voice was soft. I took a pull off the bottle. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’ll be fine.” I smiled. “Nothing a case of beer can’t cure, right?” I held my drink out, and she tapped her glass of wine against it. “Cheers?” I shrugged. “Not really much else I can do, is there?” “Not real—” The back door opened and everything else around me faded away. I could no longer hear my
sister talking, or my uncles laughing. The only person that mattered was walking back into my life. I stopped breathing. Yet another moment in time when Halen took my breath away. She was so fucking beautiful. Her hair was long, shiny. She was thin, but curvy where it counted. Her face was free of makeup, except her lips, which were a glossy pink. I couldn’t help but stare, remembering what it felt like to kiss them. She searched the patio; she was looking for me. And I knew the second she found me because the light in her stunning green eyes dimmed. Cash came outside behind her and put a glass of wine in her hand before steering her toward Landry. I watched as they hugged; they’d always been like sisters. Cash said something that made them both laugh and I couldn’t help but smile. I loved Halen’s laugh, and fuck, I had missed that sound. She looked up at me again then she searched the rest of the patio, probably to check who was watching as she made her way over to where I was standing. She had to come tell me hi; she had to act like she missed me. We were inseparable at one point, and our parents wouldn’t understand why she wouldn’t be near me. I took a deep breath and plastered an even bigger grin on my face. “Hales.”
Her smile was tight, forced. “Beau, hey, it’s so good to see you.” She stepped into my embrace, her body stiff against mine. I closed my eyes and inhaled her sweet scent as all at once memories that were never far from the surface rushed in, and I recalled the times her body melted into mine instead. “You too, Sweets. It’s been a long time.” She pulled away at my use of her nickname, just like I knew she would. But it couldn’t be helped. Nicknames were big in our family, and not using it would throw some red flags. My aunts would notice, because the spotlight would be on me tonight. “Yeah, it has.” She took a big sip of her wine, and relaxed when Cash came and put his arm playfully around her shoulders. “Hey, cuz. And here I thought you were never coming home.” He held his hand out for me to shake, squeezing my palm tighter than necessary. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who recalled our last conversation. Good. Be pissed. Just keep her smiling this week. “What’s it been? Two years? How’s life on the road?” I nodded. “Yeah, it’s good. I’ve been living in New Orleans for the last month or so. There is a lot
of great material there for sure.” Small talk? God this sucked. This was my family and we were reduced to small talk. “How about you? Still playing ball?” Cash and Crue had both played baseball since they were old enough to walk. “Yep. Our season starts next month.” He rocked back on his heels. “I’d invite you out to a game, but you’ll be leaving after the memorial, right?” His glare told me I better be leaving as soon as possible. He didn’t want me here, and it was apparent. Things on the patio got awkwardly silent. I smiled. “That’s the plan.” My dad cleared his throat. “Speaking of the memorial, now that the food is ready, why don’t we all sit down so we can talk to you kids about that.” My parents had set up the long wooden table under several strands of bistro lights. All the families had a custom made table like that, one large enough to hold us all. We carried our drinks and sat down, immediately digging in and loading our plates. Crue was to my left and Landry to my right, with Avory and Jett across from me. I could barely see Halen from where I was sitting, and I was sure that was no accident. Very different from the last family dinner I’d attended. Halen had been ten weeks pregnant and
my hand had stayed on her bare thigh under the table. She’d smiled at me when no one was looking, and I’d winked in response. My dad and Uncle Smith stood up at the head of the table, apparently getting ready to give us a speech. I finished off the beer in my hands and grinned gratefully at my sister when she handed me another. My savior. Uncle Smith started. “As you all know, Jared passed away last night from a heart attack. While he wasn’t really a part of your lives growing up, he was a big part of ours.” He gestured to my dad and my two other uncles. “Jared made a lot of mistakes, but in the end, he was clean and sober. He was writing songs and volunteering at a drug rehab facility.” Uncle Smith looked down the table at me. “He was Beau’s biological father and my cousin. He was a founding member of the Devil’s Share, and we’ve decided, as a family, that his memory needs to be honored.” Uncle Dash stood up. “He was a rock and roll icon for a long time. And there are people out there, fans, who are mourning his loss. We think the best thing to do would be to hold a memorial service in Austin. We’ve rented out a bar downtown, and we’re sending out invites to people
we know would want to come. The public needs to see that he mattered to us, that after everything, we still had his back in the end. He’d made amends, and that needs to be recognized.” Through the whole speech, my dad had been glancing in my direction every few seconds. Like he wanted to gage my emotions. “Wednesday, we’ll hold the service.” I kept my mask of indifference in place, because my father was still studying me. Wednesday—that was four days from now. I scanned down the table, searching for Halen. I couldn’t help myself. I needed to see her face, see her reaction. Cash had his arm along the back of her chair. She turned, meeting my gaze. She shook her head then shrugged her shoulders. Defeated. Just like I was.
Chapter Seven Halen Walking onto the patio and seeing Beau for the first time, my knees had buckled. The only reason I hadn’t crumbled to the floor was because Cash was holding me up, no doubt anticipating yet another mental breakdown. Today was officially the third hardest day of my life. Losing our baby was horrific —it was. But at least I’d had Beau beside me, holding me, crying with me, mourning our loss together. The day he’d walked out on me? I’d never felt so utterly alone. Today was hard, and it was surreal seeing him in the flesh. I couldn’t believe he was here after all this time. I sat at the table, moving my food around on my plate while trying to answer the people around me the best I could. But my heart wasn’t in it, and neither was my head.
My head was two years in the past, on the day my heart shattered. *** “Sweets? You awake?” Beau climbed into my window and sat down on my bed, smoothing the hair back from my face. “Yeah. I’m up.” I blinked hard, trying to hide my eyes from the bright sunlight Beau had let into my room. I’d been lying in the dark crying for what felt like years. I just couldn’t seem to stop, couldn’t seem to get over what had happened to our baby. I’d told my parents I’d gotten the stomach flu. That was my excuse for staying in bed for a week. Missing school. Looking like shit from nonstop crying helped sell it. It’d been seven days, and Beau had been by my side every second he could. “How are you feeling?” “I need to go back to school on Monday. I’ve missed too many classes.” There wasn’t really a rush for me to graduate early now, but I figured I’d still go ahead with it. I was more than ready to move out with Beau, get our own place. “I need to keep up if I want to graduate in May.” I wanted to collapse back into my pillows. I barely had the energy to move; even my arms felt heavy.
“I’m leaving.” “Okay. You heading out to listen to a new band or something?” Beau went with my uncles all the time to scout new music for the label. Normally, I’d go with them. But I just didn’t have it in me yet. Landry told me I’d be okay soon, that I’d be myself again. “No.” He put his hands on my shoulders, his gaze meeting my tired eyes. “I’m leaving the compound. I’m leaving.” I was confused. Why would he be leaving already? We had plans to move out this summer. It was only a few months away. “What? Why?” “I need some space. I need to get away for a while.” I cocked my head to the side, my stomach sinking. “You need space? From me? Or from the family?” “From all of it.” My blood turned cold. It was like my life was ending all over again, but in slow motion this time. “You’re breaking up with me?” I’d just lost our baby, and now I was losing him too. Could the world be any crueler? Any more wicked? “I think it’s best I go.” He stood up. “I’ve already almost ruined your life once. I don’t want
to do it again.” “Ruined my life?” I shook my head. “Getting pregnant didn’t ruin my life, Beau. And it wasn’t your fault.” I felt the tears start to fall. “Is this because I had a miscarriage? Is it…do you blame that on me? I swear I was being careful and I was taking care of—” “No. God no, Sweets. It has nothing to do with that.” He closed his eyes. “You need to live, you need to hang out with your friends and graduate. I’m no good for you.” He took another step toward the window. “You’ve been lying to your parents, and I know you hate that. There are too many years between us, and you have things to do that don’t include me. It’s for the best. You’ll see.” “No. I won’t see. There is nothing better for me than you. Don’t you understand? I love you, Beau. I’ve always loved you. Please don’t leave me, please. I’ll do anything you want me to.” I was full-on bawling now, the tears streaming unchecked down my face. “I’ll get out of bed, I promise. I’ll tell my parents. I’ll wait and graduate with the rest of my class. Please, just don’t leave me.” “I’m sorry, Sweets.” He climbed out my window, leaving me a
sobbing mess in my bed, and disappeared from my life. *** “Halen?” I looked up at the sound of my mother’s concerned voice. The whole family was staring at me. Cash leaned in and whispered, “Hales, you’re crying.” He pressed a napkin into my hand. I wiped at my tears, tears I hadn’t even realized were running down my face. “Uh, sorry. I, uh, we didn’t really know him or anything, but it’s still sad, you know? Jared.” Yet another flashback. Fudge. Everything I’d locked away kept fighting its way to the surface. I didn’t know if I’d be able to survive another one today. Each memory was like a knife to my heart, shredding any semblance of strength I had. My mother’s face morphed into one of understanding and sympathy. “I know, baby girl. It is sad.” I wiped at my eyes one more time then I took a deep breath, and talking quietly to Cash, said, “I didn’t even realize…” “I know. It’s okay. You’re good. That was a nice save.”
I nodded but kept my head down. I could feel Beau’s gaze on me. I hadn’t fooled him. He knew my tears had nothing to do with Jared and everything to do with him. *** Cash pulled me aside ten minutes later after dinner was over. “Four days, Hales. You gonna make it?” “Don’t really have a choice, do I?” And Uncle Smith’s “united family” speech pretty much guaranteed that I wouldn’t be able to run away even if things got too hard. Four days. I just had to hang in there for four days. I stood up to carry my plate to the trash, finishing the glass of wine in my hand. “Here. Have another.” Cash poured me a fresh round. “I don’t think drunk is what I need to be tonight.” That was just what we all needed to happen. Me getting wasted and weepy. Not to mention mouthy. “Well, we don’t need you downing a bottle of cough syrup to fall asleep either.” He raised an eyebrow, daring me to tell him he was wrong. “Stop digging through my trash, weirdo.” I took a long sip of my drink, grateful for the cool liquid
that was helping to calm my frayed nerves. “Stop self-medicating to make it through the night.” Cash was protective by nature, more so after Beau took off. Scaring away my lame-ass excuses for dates was about the only annoying younger cousin thing he did. Everything else was to keep me safe, keep me level. After Beau had left, Cash had snuck into my window for months, sleeping on the floor in my room, watching TV with me until I’d cry myself to sleep. “I thought we were done with the knockedout-cold night caps.” “I was.” My eyes wandered to my younger sister. She was laughing at something Crue had just whispered in her ear. “I am, I mean.” Last night after everyone had gone I’d felt fragile, almost raw. “They make you remember, don’t they?” He followed my gaze, seeing the same thing I did. Two teenagers in lust. Or love. Or whatever it was they had going on. I covered for them, but I tried to stay out of it as much as I could. It still hurt too much. “Sometimes.” I turned my back on them and took another deep drink of my Prosecco. The only alcohol my mom would let me openly consume at family dinners. She said it was basically like carbonated water.
“You ready to head out? I’ll walk you home.” Cash let out a sigh and looked around the yard. The rest of our family were all talking, all gathered around Beau and Landry. The two oldest had returned home and were holding court. At least no one was paying much attention to— “Halen, get over here and spend some time with your cousin. I know you’ve been missing him like crazy.” My mom held her arm out for me to join her. Ugh. I turned my back to her, drained my third glass of Prosecco and then let her pull me to her side. She gave me a squeeze. “I have an idea, why don’t you older kids head down to the tank? Take some wine, some beer. Go catch up. We’ll keep Marley and Emmie here with us.” Avory perked up. “Yeah that sounds like a good idea, right Hales?” I glared in her direction. Brat just wanted to finagle some alone time with Crue. I couldn’t blame her. I’d have done the same thing when I was sixteen. And it wasn’t her fault that Cash and Crue had shielded her from the worst of what happened between Beau and me. All she knew was that we dated, and we’d had a really bad breakup. It was Landry who took pity on me. “I’m down, but I’m sure Beau is super beat. I mean, he rode
eight hours on a motorcycle today.” “Nonsense.” Aunt B chuckled. Well. At least Landry had tried. “Beau hasn’t seen his cousins in two years. He can sleep in tomorrow.” Aunt B put her arms around her kids, clutching them to her. “You guys go have fun. We won’t wait up.” Beau took a deep breath and held it. He met my gaze and sent me an apologetic smile. He didn’t want to be spending time with me, just like I didn’t want to be spending time with him. He’d moved on. He lived a life full of adventure, full of crazy stories that made amazing pictures. A life that he never would have had if he’d stayed here with me. If we’d been parents. Cash shook his head and grabbed a fresh bottle of wine from the ice bucket on the porch, then he took my hand and pulled me toward the front yard. He watched over his shoulder as Marley and Jett took off in the opposite direction. “Where do you think they’re going? Are we sure they don’t have a Crue-Avory thing going on?” Jett and Marely disappeared into the darkness. “I keep asking and they keep telling me no.” They were inseparable most of the time; there was never any sexual tension there, but they were definitely hiding something.
Landry took the bottle from Cash, popping it open as she climbed into the back seat of Uncle Luke’s tricked-out Razor. “When did those two become so hot and heavy?” She gestured toward Crue and Avory as his hand snaked its way up her skirt. “It’s a rather new development. Last couple months or so.” Cash sat beside Landry, holding his hand out for me to sit next to him. “They are less than covert op, if you get what I’m saying.” Crue got behind the wheel and fired it up. Avory was sitting between him and Beau. She squealed when Crue peeled out.
Chapter Eight Beau This was hard. Heart breaking. But I knew it was harder on Halen. I could feel the tension coming off her body from my spot six feet away. Crue and Avory had disappeared into the field, the tall grass and dark shadows hiding whatever it was they were doing. Those two were going to end up with chiggers if they weren’t careful. Landry, Cash, Hales, and I were all gathered around the fire I’d made on the bank of the small manmade lake that our parents used to keep stocked with fish when we were younger. I watched as my sister and my first —my only—love passed around a bottle of Prosecco. I kept quiet, not wanting to disturb their good time. I wanted Halen to loosen up. I wanted to hear her laugh again. I wanted proof that I’d done
the right thing in leaving her. Yeah, guilt made me a selfish bastard. After a while, Crue and Avory came and sat with us, and her shirt was on backward. “So nice of you two to join the family.” Landry put her hands on her hips, playing the big sister. Crue grabbed two beers from the cooler, popping the caps and handing one to Avory. She smiled at him like he hung the moon, and my chest began to ache. Once upon a time I had a beautiful girl who looked at me like that. “Beau. Man. Tell us about life, tell us about your latest adventure.” I didn’t look at Halen. I was chicken shit. Too afraid to see the hurt and fear in her eyes hearing about my new life. I knew she thought I was living it up, doing everything I’d ever dreamed. But she was dead wrong, because I’d only had one dream since I was a kid. Growing old with her. “I’ve been in New Orleans, hitting up some pretty sketch bars and nightclubs outside the Quarter.” “You going to do another show at that gallery in Austin?” Avory huddled into Crue’s side and he put his arm around her. “Uh, yeah. Aunt Lex set up another show, it’s actually next weekend, I think.” I took a sip of my beer. I was never around for any of my showings so
I didn’t keep too close track of when they opened. “I’m getting some great stuff in New Orleans right now. I think I can fill the gallery with just that trip.” There were some sad souls in that city. They didn’t keep the darkness at bay as well as some of the other places I’d visited. It suited me well. I didn’t do light and happy, not anymore. Crue turned his attention to my older sister. “What about you, Landry? You still dating that hotshot surgeon of yours?” She laughed. “Uh, no.” She grabbed the wine bottle from Halen and took a big sip. “Turns out I couldn’t really handle that hotshot ego of his.” She blew it off like it was no big deal. But from what I could recall of our past conversations, she’d been pretty into him. Almost idolized him in the beginning; he had been her mentor. “And? Anyone else? Anyone new?” Crue picked Avory up and sat her in his lap, letting her snuggle down and get more comfortable. She looked like she was seconds away from passing out. “Uh, um, well, there’s, uh, someone. It’s new and I’m not ready to talk about it yet. So.” Landry shrugged, looking down at the ground, avoiding eye contact with all of us. She hadn’t mentioned any of this to me, and I talked to her a few times a week. I
glanced over at Halen, gauging her reaction to the news. She seemed just as surprised as the rest of the group. Those two were close, and it was odd for Landry to not confide in either of us. Cash scoffed. “Even with us? We tell each other everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly, right?” I could feel his gaze on me as he spoke. He was pissed that I was home, that I was here hurting Halen. But right now, the only one upsetting her was him. He didn’t need to allude to our secrets, our pain. Luckily Landry started talking again. “Yeah. You know, uh, you guys will be the first to know. It’s just, well, new.” I’d never heard my sister stutter like she was right now. Either she was really into this new guy or she was nervous about the prospect of us finding out about him. Or maybe both. She took a deep breath, turning things around on her baby cousin. “What about you, C Money? Anyone special? Any girls?” He shook his head. “Nah. I, uh—” Avory interrupted him, giggling. “Cash gets enough play for two guys, isn’t that right?” Crue put his hand gently over her mouth, shaking his head. The look on Cash’s face was one of pure annoyance.
Landry laughed, probably relieved that the spotlight was off her love life and onto someone else’s. “Whoa. What does that mean? Cash, you holding out on us?” He hung his head. “No. It’s Avory. She’s drunk.” “Yeah. I think my girl had one too many tonight.” Crue pulled her tighter against him, whispering in her ear, so softly no one else could hear. The rest of us got a little quiet after that. Avory closed her eyes, like she was ready for a nap. I wanted to ask about Halen. I wanted to know if she was dating anyone. Being intimate with anyone. But it wasn’t any of my business. Her love life was no longer my concern. I’d lost that right the day I left. I didn’t know what would be worse. Her lying in her bedroom all weekend alone or her going out and living it up with the UT football team. I knew it was hard on her after I took off. I’d never asked, but my mother would tell me about my cousins when she called, always more than ready to catch me up on the family. The adults thought Halen was just depressed for a little while with people leaving. First Landry, and then me. We were the two she was closest with, so the ‘rents
thought that was what had been tough for her. But I knew different. Cash had called me once, about three months after I’d left. He said he couldn’t reach her, couldn’t bring her out of it, that she was still spiraling. He said that she started to put on a good face for the parents, but when she’d leave the house claiming to go to a party she’d end up curled in a ball in the tree house. I told him to tear the fucking thing down. He hadn’t. Once I was sure Avory was asleep, I looked over at Crue, breaking the somewhat strained silence. “What about you two? What’s going on with you and Avory? Is this just a fling?” He shook his head, watching her sleep with a smile on his lips and affection in his eyes. “No, not even close, man. I love her.” “Has it left the compound?” Of course he loved her. It was evident in their every touch, their every interaction. If the parents didn’t notice, they were blind. Had Halen and I been that way? So obvious? “No. Just you guys, just the cousins know. Jett and Marley too now. We’re careful at school. No one thinks we’re dating. We don’t want it getting back to the parents, not yet.” He glanced quickly at Halen, and then met my eyes. “I get it now, I get
what you and Halen had, why you… I just don’t know what their reaction is going to be. I’m afraid they’ll try to keep us apart, and I couldn’t handle that.” I sent him a sad smile. I knew what he was going through, the turmoil and the guilt, the intense desire and love. I’d been there. I’d experienced it all. I had been terrified all the time that Uncle Dash would find out about Halen and me, and he’d make me leave. Keep us apart. But no, I’d done that all on my own. I didn’t know what to say. I had no advice to give, no words of wisdom. And talking about it, what they were feeling, what they were going through? It would only hurt Halen. She was already sitting across from me, utterly silent. She hadn’t spoken a word in the past thirty minutes. Her eyes stayed on the fire, studying the flames like they held the answers to the universe. I let out a small chuckle, determined to change the subject. “Bringing in the young ones, huh? Jett and Marley get to be in the inner circle now?” “Yeah, well Jett’s sixteen, playing JV ball. He’s around all the time, at the same parties we go to. And he brings Marley with him everywhere. I swear they’re like the second set of twins in this family.” He smirked. “If Jett didn’t drag Marley
out, didn’t make her meet people and be seen? She’d be just like Hales, at home with her nose in a book.” Nose in a book? They didn’t know their older cousin like I did. Yeah, Halen liked to read, liked her quiet time. But damn, she had fire. She used to at least. We’d take my bike and drive for hours, looking for the perfect back road. The second I’d kill the engine she’d swing her legs around, climbing in my lap. God, that girl’s body; I used to think she was made for me. Only for me. Landry started to laugh. “Halen? Her nose in a book? Do you guys know who you’re talking about?” She put her arm around Halen’s neck, and I willed her to say the words out loud that I couldn’t. “This girl? This girl knows how to party. Wow. There was this one time she got to come visit me in Florida. What was that? Right after your sixteenth birthday? It was her, Beau and me. We were on this beach in Destin, it was spring break and she—” “You know, can we just not? Please? I’ve had enough trips down memory lane for today so I think I’m done. Cash, would you mind running me back up to my house?” Halen stood, brushing the dirt from her tight white jeans and crossing her arms over her loose-fitting gray tank top.
“Yeah, of course, Hales. Come on.” Cash got to his feet next to her, drawing her close to his side. He was so built, so muscular that his frame mostly eclipsed hers. Landry joined them. “Me too? I’m exhausted. I worked a twenty-four-hour shift before I got on that plane this morning.” “Why don’t we all go?” Cash looked over at his brother who had Avory sleeping in his lap. Crue’s head shot up. “Uh, didn’t you have some plans tonight Cash? A date?” Landry checked her watch. “A date? At midnight? Sounds more like a skanky high school hook-up if you ask me. You sure there isn’t something you want to tell us, C Money?” Crue was quick to come to his twin’s defense. “No, it’s some chick who, uh, works at a bar in town. Right, man?” His eyes were almost pleading. Cash’s gaze was hard, unyielding. “Nope, no date. And even if I did, I would go ahead and cancel it. It’s been a long, stressful day, and I doubt tomorrow is going to be any better.” He crossed his arms over his chest, almost daring his brother to push the issue. Holy fucking shit. I groaned, letting my head hang while
everything clicked into place. Please tell me they weren’t doing what I thought they were doing. I looked up, directly at Crue, but speaking to Cash. “Motley Crue and I are going to stay down here for a bit. You go ahead and take the girls home, come back for us.” I’d been gone for a long time, but I was still the oldest boy. And I needed to regulate. Hard. Crue looked down at the girl in his arms. “Cash, here, take Avory with you.” When Cash crossed the space between them and bent down to take Avory from his twin’s arms, Crue laughed. “Careful, man, make sure she doesn’t wake up and think you’re me.” Cash sent him a glare but didn’t respond. Instead he carried Avory to the Razor and laid her in the front seat, buckling her in and then took off. I popped open another beer. “That’s it, isn’t it?” “What’s it?” Crue grabbed himself one out of the cooler, twisting off the top and then tossing it in the fire. “What are you talking about?” “The girls, they think that Cash is you.” I knew I wasn’t wrong. Between Avory’s comment and Crue insisting that Cash had a date to get to. The tension between them? I wish I had it all wrong, but in my gut I knew I didn’t.
“What?” His tone held attitude, but I could see the nervousness in his dark blue eyes. I pointed at him through the flames with my bottle. “You have your brother, your twin, fucking your girls.” “What? Uh, that’s so far off base.” He wasn’t looking at me. He was peeling the label off his beer, one tiny shred of paper at a time. “Crue, you’re my cousin, I know you. You’ve had a different girl in the back seat of your truck every night since you were still too young to drive it. And now you can’t stop, because people would suspect that you had a girlfriend. They would put two and two together and they’d know about you and Avory.” I let out a deep breath. “Which means the parents would find out too.” He sat back, finally meeting my eyes. “I’m doing this to protect her.” I knew he was. I knew he’d do anything to make sure that Avory was safe and happy. Because I did the same for Halen. Every choice I made, every step I took, it was all for her. She was the only thing that mattered to me. And Avory was the only thing that mattered to Crue. Even above his twin brother, his best friend. Didn’t make it right though. “Cash isn’t you. He can’t do that. You’ve seen him with the girls. He
cares so damn much. He can’t handle what you’re asking of him. It’ll destroy him. Break him.” Crue was a player from day one. Cash? Not so much. He’d never use a girl for sex. He was kind and polite, and he cared about everyone around him more than he cared about himself. As evidenced by the fact that he was doing this for Crue and Avory. Crue scoffed. “Cash is loving his life and is living pretty damn well right now, okay?” “No. He’s not loving his life. He’s drowning in yours. I know you’re doing it to protect Avory. I know your heart is in the right place. But you’ve got to stop. It’s not right, not to Cash and not to those girls he’s fucking.” When I heard the Razor in the distance I got up, using a small bucket to get water from the lake. Crue rose to his feet, gathering empty beer bottles and throwing them in the cooler. “Those girls? They don’t give a shit which twin they’re with. They like the name, they like the body and they like being with rock and roll royalty. I’m a game to them. I’m a good story to tell, that’s all.” I tossed the water on the flames then kicked some dirt over the steaming pile for good measure. “So you and Avory get to live happily ever after, and Cash gets to live a life he’d never in a million
years choose for himself? Seems fair, man. Glad you’re not my twin.” “Right. Because you’re so fucking perfect, Beau? You destroyed the girl you love. You shattered her.” He took a step closer to me, anger written all over his face. “Want to talk about ruining Cash’s life? How about you asking him to watch out for Halen? Bringing him into your shit and making her his responsibility? You gave him a fucking full-time job.” He gestured back toward our houses. “Apparently, according to Landry, Halen is shell of who she used to be. You did that. No one else, man, just you. I’d never do that to Avory, I love her too damn—” “Enough.” I shook my head, my voice strong and clipped. “You don’t know the meaning of the word, you little shit,” I scoffed. “Come talk to me the day you put your hand on her stomach, touching the life you created inside her.” I was yelling into the night, not even sure if I was still talking to Crue or just to the universe. “When you’ve seen her at her happiest, and then a day later, broken and crying. Experiencing a loss that you could never even fathom.” I felt the tears forming in my eyes. “You think I wanted to leave her? Are you fucking insane? Halen is my reason
for living. She’s my reason for breathing. I’ve wanted nothing more than to love that girl from here to eternity since I can remember—” “Then why’d you go? Explain it to me, make me understand.” Crue beseeched, his voice as loud as mine. I dropped my head, suddenly exhausted. “I left so she could have a life. A good life. A life her parents would approve of. A life where she got to finish high school then go to college and be exactly who she wanted to be. Halen always deserved better than some guy she had to sneak around with, some guy who knocked her up in a tree house.” I wiped at my eyes with both hands, not allowing my tears to fall. “I was scared when she told me she was pregnant. Terrified. She was so young, and no one knew about us. But she was happy, incredibly positive that everything was going to be okay.” I smiled, recalling that day in her bedroom, a handful of pregnancy tests. “Her excitement was contagious. And after a day or so, I was just as excited. Just as ready. But then she lost the baby and I lost a part of who I was.” “So you decided that leaving Halen alone and broken was the best choice?” I took a deep, calming breath. “I decided that
leaving was the right thing to do. That letting her be young and be with her friends—letting her have the life her parents wanted her to have, the life she should have wanted for herself—was the best choice.” I looked off into the distance, seeing the lights of the Razor. “I was too old for her then. If she’d stayed with me, she’d have left school and grown up too quickly. She would have wanted to leave the ranch, leave her family. She’d have wanted another baby.” My voice cracked on my last words, my heart aching in my chest. “She’d have wanted a life that wasn’t good enough for her.”
Chapter Nine Halen “Good morning, sweetheart, how was last night? Did you have fun catching up with your cousins?” My dad kissed the top of my head before sitting down next to me at our kitchen table. Aunt Bryan had made muffins and sent some with Crue to our house. I was sure he’d volunteered to bring them over, as I was sure he had his hands all over Avory under the table. “Yeah. It was great.” I tried to add a bunch of fake excitement into my answer. “Wonderful. I know you’ve missed Landry and Beau these last couple of years.” I wasn’t sure missed was the right word to use when it came to Beau. My first love. My only love. I’d longed for him, and I’d cursed him. I’d tried to forget about him. But missed? That didn’t seem to fit.
Dad turned to Crue and Avory. “What are you two planning for the rest of the weekend?” Avory bit her lip, trying to hide a smile or a moan; there was no telling which at that point. “Cash, Crue, and I have a party to go to tonight down by the lake. The whole baseball team will be there.” “On a Sunday? Don’t you have school tomorrow?” She shook her head. “Actually, we don’t. It’s an in-service day.” Dad looked up from his plate and then over at Crue. “You’ll take care of my girl?” “Of course, Uncle Dash.” He smiled big. Yeah, I bet he’d take care of her. Dad glanced over at me. “What about you, Hales? I’m sure you have something planned with Landry and Beau, huh?” I shrugged. “Not really.” I pushed around the fruit on my plate. “I can hang here with the younger kids if you guys want to go do something. I don’t mind.” Babysitting Marley and Emmie used to work well at helping me fly under the radar. The parents were too relieved that they had a sitter for the night to question why I spent so much time at home. Now Emmie was the youngest, and she had
just turned fourteen. “No, you go out, have some fun. We need to get the details of Jared’s memorial ironed out anyhow. I’m sure we’ll just end up sitting down at the pool house sharing a bottle of whiskey and reminiscing.” My dad sent me a small smile. I knew that Jared’s death meant something to him, to my uncles. I wanted to feel for them, to ache for their loss. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it for some reason. I’d never really heard anyone utter a kind word about the man until he’d died. Hell, he’d tried to kill my mother. “You sure? I could keep Emmie and Marley here, we could have a slumber party.” Crue spoke around a mouthful of muffin, spitting some out onto the table. “I’m sure Jett and Marley will want to tag along with us to the lake.” “And Emmie is spending the weekend at her friend’s house, remember?” Avory piped in. Apparently Crue was done torturing her because the flush had left her face. “They have some big school project due on Tuesday.” I held in my annoyed sigh. “Well, Evie will be home today, right? I’m sure we’ll just end up hanging out here.” Evie didn’t like going out. She’d been a homebody long before I’d turned into one.
She’d be more than happy to spend the evening watching movies with me. “Oh, I forgot to tell you guys. Evie isn’t coming home until the day before the memorial. She’s has some sorority function she can’t miss.” My dad polished off his breakfast and then took his plate to the sink. Great. Evie got out of not being home all week and Beau didn’t? The universe hated me. It wanted me to suffer. All my cousins were too old for babysitters, my only ally in lameness was off living it up on a college campus, and I was stuck here. Having to spend time with Beau—the guy who’d demolished my heart—so our parents didn’t catch on about the things that had happened between us. It sucked. When my dad walked out of the room I let my forehead fall to the table with a loud thud. “FML.” “The parents are going to be occupied, they won’t notice where you’re going or who you’re with.” Crue patted my head like I was a sick dog. “Just come to the lake with us for a couple hours, then you can head home and hide in your room until your little heart’s content.” I groaned, speaking into the wood. “Didn’t we go over this already? A college chick hanging at a
high school party? That’s not lame at all.” Avory muttered, “Not nearly as lame as a college chick offering to babysit her fourteen-yearold cousin to get out of leaving the house.” I turned my face to the side, glaring at my sister and resting my cheek against the cool surface. “I hate you.” “No. You don’t.” She got up and pulled Crue to his feet next to her. “Come with us tonight. I promise you’ll have a good time, Hales.” I sighed and sat up straight, sticking my fork aggressively into a grape. “Okay.” They walked out the front door and seconds later I heard Crue’s truck engine turn over with a loud rumble. Crue and Avory had it made. They had plenty of reasons to be coming and going at all hours together. They were in the same grade; they had practice together after school, games on Fridays and all the same friends. Maybe if things had been that easy for Beau and me… I gave myself a mental shake. Nope. That line of thinking was not healthy, and it was not going to make getting through the next week any easier. I just needed to stay busy and keep my mind clear of anything Beau-related. “Honey, Beau is here.”
Seriously? I got up and headed to the front door where Beau was standing next to my mother. He looked so damn good. His dark hair was messy, and his jeans were slung low on his hips. My mom was beaming at me, so happy that her nephew was home. So happy that he and I were able to spend time together. I knew what her mom brain was thinking. I knew she was ruminating about us playing together as kids, me following him around all over the place. Nostalgic. That’s where her head was. Mine? I was picturing first kisses, first times, and first heartbreak. “Hey, you want to go for a ride?” I schooled my facial expression into one of veiled excitement because that would have been my response two years ago. “Sure.” Of course, I was lying. I did not want to climb on the back of his bike. I did not want to be alone with him. I did not want any part of what he had planned. But my mom was standing there with that darn goofy smile on her face, just waiting for me to say yes. I kissed her on the cheek and walked out the door. Beau put his hand on my back and I automatically spun in a circle, getting away from his touch. He clenched his hands at his side. “I’m sorry. Old habits, I guess.”
I shook my head, my arms crossed over my long-sleeved Texas Forever t-shirt. “Please don’t do that. Please don’t act like being near me is normal.” He climbed on his bike and held a helmet out toward me. “I promise I won’t touch you again, but we do need to talk.” I didn’t make a move toward him. Talk? Now I wanted to go even less, if that was possible. He waved the helmet around. “Your mom is watching, Hales. Please get on the bike.” I wanted to run back in my house and hide under my covers until he left. But I wasn’t a child, and I didn’t want to make my mom worried. So I put on my helmet and swung my leg over his seat. At least he hadn’t called me Sweets, and he’d already promised not to touch me again. I could do this. I could make it through the next hour with Beau. I put my hands on his hips, and he didn’t instruct me to hold him tighter. He knew I would refuse, just like I knew he’d drive slowly to accommodate my slack grip. I didn’t rest my cheek on his back. I didn’t put my nose to his white t-shirt to see if he still smelled the same. I didn’t do anything but watch the landscape whirl by. I refused to get sucked in by the familiar feel of
being behind him on his bike. About twenty minutes later we pulled off the main road, coming to a stop under the canopy of a large oak tree. I knew this road, and I knew that we wouldn’t see one car drive by the whole time we were here. I removed the helmet and got off, setting it on my now vacant seat. I walked a few feet away, shaking out my hair. “What do you want, Beau?” He came toward me, but stopped a good three feet away. “We need to talk Hales, I—” “No. See. That’s where you’re wrong. We have nothing we need to talk about, nothing at all. You broke up with me, you moved away. I got over it and I moved on.” “We’re going to be on the compound together for the next four days. We need to be able to get along, and I can feel how much you—” “I’m fine.” I stood up straighter, raising my chin. “We’re fine. Just stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of yours.” I had to be strong, be disconnected. The second I let my guard down, the second I let him back in? It would be all over for me. Beau was my weakness; he always had been. Forgiveness was a slippery slope when it came to my first love. I wasn’t so naïve that I couldn’t see
that. “You know that’s not possible, Sweets—” “Don’t you dare call me that.” My voice had a cold, hard edge that I’d never heard before. “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry and I’m fine. The saddest pair of his and hers mantras there ever was. “Don’t be. It’s over.” He let out a humorless chuckle. “That’s the thing though, Hales. I don’t think it is over, not for you.” Not for me? What the hell did that mean? Was it over for him? He’d just moved on, one hundred percent okay, with no residual ache in his chest. That sorry ass mother— “Seeing you with Cash last night, listening to the way Crue talks about you? You haven’t moved on, and you aren’t fine. Stop pretending you are and talk to me.” He was basically pleading with me, begging me to let him in. To confide in him like I used to. Fat chance. I snorted. “How do you know I’m not actually dating Cash?” I had no fudging clue why I said that. Date Cash? He was two years younger than me and like my little brother. What was wrong with me?
Beau let out a somewhat annoyed sigh. “Well. First of all, because I know you don’t look at Cash that way. And second? I’m almost positive that Crue has Cash pretending to be him, whoring him out all over the damn school.” “Wait. What? Is that why they’ve been dressing alike?” He opened his mouth to explain further but I cut him off. “You know what? Never mind. I’ll just talk to the twins myself.” I pointed a finger in his direction. “Either way, I’m none of your concern.” “Yes you are,” he screamed, his voice carrying through the trees, his hands thrown up in the air. “You’re my family, Hales. I’ll always worry about you. I’ll always want to make sure you are okay. And I know you aren’t. I know that you’re still not over—” “You have a lot of nerve, you know that?” I narrowed my eyes and took a menacing step toward him, finally done with this whole encounter. “Bringing me out here to put me down? Oh, poor little Halen got her heart broken by Beau the bad boy.” I sneered. “Like I’m the first girl to ever get dumped by you? Please. I bet you’ve left a trail of broken hearts across the country. Why am I so special? Why are you out here trying to make sure
I’m okay? You sure as shit didn’t care about my wellbeing when you walked out.” “Halen. I’m not trying to put you down or make you sound like some sad scorned chick. What we had was—” “Was a mistake.” I didn’t mean that and saying it out loud brought tears to my eyes. I watched as he took his lower lip between his teeth, letting out a quick exhale, his hands punched onto his trim hips. “We both know that you didn’t mean that, so I’m going to just forget that you even said it.” He lifted his head, his gaze fixed on mine, rendering me speechless. “I also know that the last thing you want is for your parents to find out what happened between us, or even suspect that something isn’t right. So, I brought you out here to clear the air. To say what needed to be said so that we can act a little closer to normal around the rest of the family.” “Well, like I said, I’m fine and I don’t have any air that needs to be cleared.” I kicked at a rock near my foot, sending it sailing into the road. “I appreciate the gesture, but it was unnecessary. You broke my heart, Beau. You didn’t break my spirit.”
Chapter Ten Beau You broke my heart, Beau. You didn’t break my spirit. Her words went straight to my heart and ripped it wide open. We stood there on the side of the road, silently letting her statement float between us. When I’d woken up that morning, I’d had no intention of going to find Halen. No plans to bring her out on my bike, no designs to make her talk or help her heal. I’d woken up assuming I’d spend the day with my sister and my parents catching up and hanging out at the compound. But no. My parents had things to work on for my bio father’s memorial. And Landry had already promised Marley that she would take her into Austin to see some movie they both loved at Drafthouse. So. With nothing left to
do other than stew and think, I’d wound up at Halen’s. I stood there for several minutes without knocking. I knew I should have turned around and gone home. I knew she wouldn’t have wanted to see me. But the moment I’d turned to leave, Aunt Lexi had opened the door. Now, here we were. Halen had tears in her eyes, and I had a pain in my chest so severe I knew what a heart attack felt like, what it meant to gasp for air. And yet, like the idiot I was, I plowed on. “I know that you will never understand my reasons for leaving. I don’t expect you to. But I need for you to know that I did love you, Halen. I loved you with every part of my being.” I watched her throat work to swallow and felt even shitter about myself. Why had I dragged her out here? Why was I saying these things to her? Hadn’t I hurt her enough? She pulled her arms around her body even tighter. “I’m not sure that you did, Beau.” “Everything I’ve ever done was because I loved you.” I wanted to move closer. I wanted to hold her until all her unshed tears dried up. But I’d lost that right, that privilege. “Leaving tore me apart. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing your face. I missed you and I
missed home. I missed everything about our life together, Hales. Please know that.” “I know that you think you did what was best for me. I know that leaving hurt you too.” She wiped at her eyes, her shoulders sagging. “But you had no idea what was right for me. You had no idea how I was feeling or what I was thinking…because you never bothered to ask.” “You were so young and—” “Old enough to have sex with though, right? Old enough to get pregnant. Old enough to lose a child, to watch life literally drain out of my body.” She nodded, her jaw clenched. “But apparently too young to be able to handle an adult conversation about our future.” “That’s not what I meant. If you would just lis —” “My ride is here.” I turned and followed her gaze. Cash was pulling to the side of the road in his Jeep. Of course she’d texted him. I’d made him her perpetual knight in shining armor, yet another thing that was my fucking fault. “Hales.” My voice caught as I choked on my shame and her disapproval. “Things won’t be weird around our parents. I promise I’ll keep my composure.” She turned
toward the idling SUV then faced me again. “You’re off the hook, Beau. If you’ve been holding on to the fact that you hurt me, that I’m not okay, you can let it all go because I’m fine.” She walked away, opened the door, then hopped up into the passenger seat and didn’t look back as they drove away. I got on my bike. My head hung, too heavy with sorrow to remain upright. I’d made the wrong choice in bringing her here, in trying to smooth things out between us. I wasn’t even one hundred percent sure why I’d done it. I hoped it was because I was trying to help, because I just wanted to make sure she was okay. But a big part of me, a part I was trying real hard to ignore, wasn’t so sure. My fingers still itched to touch her, my arms tried to reach for her without conscious thought. I knew I still loved her. But wanting her with a brutality that tore through me? I hadn’t been prepared for that. *** “What the fuck, Beau?” I sat up on the couch when I heard the front door slam shut. I’d been lying in comatose silence for the past hour staring at the ceiling, my brain
blanked with regret. Crue walked toward me with an irate look on his pretty-boy face. “Can I help you?” He stepped into the living room, waving his arms as he spoke. “You told Hales about Cash and I switching places? What the fuck? If I’d have known you were going to be a fucking narc I wouldn’t have—” I held up my hand, stopping him. I was still the oldest boy, and that would always hold weight in this family. “I understand you’re angry, and I am sorry that I told Halen. I can assure that wasn’t my intention. It just sort of slipped out.” “She lost her shit.” I snorted. “I can imagine.” “She screamed at me for five minutes straight, man.” He collapsed next to me on the sectional, clearly defeated. “But she said she wouldn’t tell the ‘rents, or anyone else, as long as we stopped.” “She loves you guys and she doesn’t want to see either of you get hurt.” He scoffed. “Cash is in no pain, I promise.” “Hales knows that being a fuckboy isn’t really something Cash would relish. And she doesn’t want this ridiculous crap to cause a rift between you two.” I slapped his leg, hard. “She’s just looking out
for you. Both of you.” “Cash came home a little while ago, pissed as hell.” He turned to me, his face a mixture of fuck you and back off. “He said you kidnapped Halen and made her cry.” I rolled my eyes. “I did not kidnap her. And I didn’t make her cry…on purpose.” “You need to leave her alone, bro.” I closed my eyes, more than annoyed that my younger cousins thought so little of me. And that I deserved their scorn. “Hales and I are none of your business. Didn’t we go over this last night at the tank?” “Well, she’s my family. And you sure as fuck made her Cash’s business when you left. Didn’t we go over that last night at the tank?” He had me there. “Fair enough.” “You want to come to a party at the lake tonight?” Crue scrubbed his hands down his face, apparently trying to wipe his anger away in the process. “Hales is supposed to go, but twenty bucks says she’ll talk Cash into taking her home after an hour or two. You can meet up with us later.” Saturday night handouts from my younger cousin; was this really my life right now? I’d never partied much in high school. Everyone assumed I
was some mysterious bad-boy loner. But that wasn’t ever the case. I’d just always preferred the company of my older sister and Halen, and neither of them had been in grades close to mine. “No, man, you guys go. Have fun and call me if you need a ride.” He got up and I called out after him, “Make good choices.” I smiled to myself. Make good choices was what our Aunt Mikah always said. Hell, she’d tattooed it on her arm in college to remind herself. Maybe I should’ve followed suit when I was in high school.
Chapter Eleven Halen “I can’t believe I agreed to come to this party with you guys.” I stepped around a pile of discarded red Solo cups overflowing from a giant black trash can. “I feel like such a loser.” And I really fudging did. I was nineteen, at a high school lake party. I hadn’t been to one of these since I was sixteen. But like my sister said, I’d have felt like even more of a loser moping around the house trying not to think about Beau. Crue handed me a cup then turned back to the keg to fill one for himself. “Get wasted—you’ll care less.” “Lovely life lesson there, Motley Crue.” He shrugged and walked back over to his tailgate, hopping up beside Avory and skimming his finger
along her thigh. It was discrete and unless you were studying them, you wouldn’t have caught it. I remembered stolen touches like that; moments when I had to have contact no matter who was watching. I downed the ice-cold beer in a few swallows and then handed my cup to whichever baseball all-star was standing at the keg. “Another. Please.” “Yes ma’am.” Ma’am said in that sweet southern drawl made me feel like smiling, and when my cup was handed back, I downed that one too. Maybe there was something to Crue’s stupid philosophy after all. I’d had a shitty couple of days. Old wounds had resurfaced and then been ripped back open. I’d cried so much I was pretty sure I was officially out of tears. And the torture would be continuing for the next three fudging days. Yeah. I deserved to have a few drinks. When I held my beer cup out for another refill, the kid holding the tap chuckled. “Sugar, if you want to get wasted, there are better ways then consuming five hundred calories’ worth of beer in under two minutes.” I wrinkled my nose. “I’m not really in the habit of counting my calories, but thanks for the tip.”
Was a high school boy calling me fat? I looked down at my army green skinny jeans and loose white tank. Yep, still thin. “That’s not what I meant.” He smiled, letting his eyes trail up and down my body appreciatively. “But if you’re going for drunk, you’ll end up full or puking before you drink enough beer to really get you there.” The guy was tall, almost lanky, with sandy blond hair and pretty brown eyes. He was wearing a black baseball shirt and tight jeans. It looked like he’d left practice and then hopped on a tractor and bailed some hay. Well, when in Rome. I crossed my arms over my chest. “What’d you have in mind, all-star?” *** “Vodka?” Crue threw his hands in the air. “You gave her vodka? Look at her. She weighs a buck ten, maybe.” My new friend, the one who’d been making my drinks, shrugged. “She was downing cups of beer like she was on a damn bender. How was I supposed to know she couldn’t handle a few vodka drinks?” Benson. I think his name was Benson. “She’s like, what, twenty-three?” I let my mouth fall open in a dramatic outrage.
“I am nineteen, thank you very much.” I was sitting in the bed of Crue’s truck and I was wasted. I knew this to be true because when I tried to walk the ground kept tripping me. It was rude like that. “And I’m right here, so stop talking about me like I’m not.” I nodded, pretty sure I’d gotten all that out sans slurs. “What am I going to do with you?” Crue sounded like an angry parent, which made me start to giggle. It took me awhile to calm down after that. “Just get Cash over here. He’ll take me home.” Poor Cash. Talk about being a parent. That guy was like the protective big brother I’d never had. If anyone would take care of little ol’ drunk me, it was him. Crue groaned. “He can’t. He isn’t here right now.” “So call him.” “He’s, uh, he’s busy.” Hmmm. Confused here. I felt like Crue’s words should have pissed me off, but I was having a really hard time remembering why. Come on, Halen, try to remember why you’re pissed at Crue… Something that has to do with Cash. Cash. Crue. Cash Crue. I closed my eyes, concentrating really hard. I gasped suddenly, making everyone around
me jump. “I thought you said that you would stop asking Cash to—” Crue put his hand over my mouth, his eyes pleading with me. I looked to the right, my little sister’s expression mirroring her boyfriend’s. Screw them. I was too drunk to play along, too drunk to put up with their puppy love bullshit. Crue must have seen my defiance because he kept his hand over my mouth and picked me up then tossed me into the cab of his truck. He climbed in next to me, shutting the door and hitting the lock button. “Hales.” “Don’t ‘Hales’ me, Romeo.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “You’re the one who told me to get drunk. You’ll care less. Well. Mission accomplished. I don’t fudging care at all.” I raised my eyebrows. “And that includes outing the stupid switch-hitter thing you got going.” His forehead wrinkled. “I think you mean designated hitter. Switch hitter would be more like if I was banging Avory and Benson. Which, I’m not.” Oh. “You’re right, I meant designated hitter.” I reached over and tried to open my door, but he quickly hit the lock button again. “Will you stop being such a damn killjoy? You wanted me to have
fun, and I’m having fun. For once, nothing matters, and it’s fucking amazing.” I threw my arms wide and into the air, my hands knocking the roof of the truck. “Did you just say fuck? That’s it. I’m calling someone to come get you. I can’t leave. I’m everyone’s ride. Cash isn’t back yet, and you’re sloshed.” He pulled out his phone, holding his hand over my mouth when I opened it to get pissed about Cash all over again. “Who are you texting?” My question was mumbled against his palm. “It better not be Beau.” He snorted. “I need to get you home, not provide you with a punching bag.” His comment pissed me off so I bit his palm, hard. “What the fuck, Hales?” “Punching bag? So two days in and you’re team Cole?” I, Halen Grace Conner, was the injured party and the one Crue should be supporting. Not stupid Beau Weston Cole. “Right now I’m team ‘get Halen home and into bed without causing a scene.’” I rolled down the window and hung my head out, looking around to the tailgate. “Hey!” When all heads turned toward me I smiled. “Anyone seen my all-star? He’s about yay tall.” I held my hand up
above my head. Benson hopped down and came sauntering over to my window, a smirk on his handsome baby face. “Yes, ma’am?” I gestured him closer with a crook of my finger. His smirk grew. I put my mouth next to his ear, and whispered thank you as I took the cup out of his hands. Then I drained it and with a sidearm throw tossed the empty into the tailgate. Score.
Chapter Twelve Beau Halen was going to kill me. So were Crue and Cash for that matter, but Landry hadn’t left me with another choice. She’d called me into her room after she’d received a text saying that Halen was wasted and needed to be picked up. Oddly, Landry’s room had smelled like vomit and Lysol. I’d closed the door as quickly as I’d opened it, promising her I’d take care of it. Now here I was, in my mom’s practical yet expensive SUV, rolling up to a high school kegger. I parked and got out, immediately spotting Crue’s four-door white truck. I kept my head down, and my hands in my pockets. At the end of the day, my family was famous, and any one of us were social media gold.
“What the fuck, Beau? I texted Landry.” For the second time today, Crue looked like he wanted to punch me. “She’s sick.” I glanced around the party. “Where’s Hales?” I wanted to load her in the car, get her home, and then get gone. With any luck, she wouldn’t even remember me coming to pick her up. If she did, that would just set us back in the making-amends department. She’d be pissed I’d seen her wasted—pissed and embarrassed. Crue jerked his head toward the cab of his truck. “She’s in there.” “Who is in there with her?” I tilted my head to the side. “Is that Cash? Does he need a ride too?” “No, that’s my friend Benson.” Crue shrugged like it was no big deal. “Hales seems to like him and she wouldn’t stay in there alone.” I looked back up just in time to see Hales lean into whoever the fuck Benson was. I shoved past my cousin. “She’s drunk, asshole. She doesn’t know what she likes right now.” I opened the door and instantly threw Halen over my shoulder before she had time to protest. When the guy she’d been—let’s hope talking to—started to gripe, I slammed the door in his face. “What the fuck? Beau?” Halen went from
shocked to fighting mad in two-point-five seconds. “Is that the response I’m going to get from everyone in this damn family when I show up now?” I shot Crue one final go to hell look and then headed back to my mom’s car. Halen fought me the whole walk over, kicking and pounding on my back. But she was drunk; her reaction time was slow and her fight sloppy. I put her in the passenger seat, buckling her safely in. She looked beautiful, she really did. Her hair was hanging down her back and was wild from the wind that had come off the water. Her cheeks were pink from the alcohol in her system. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to touch her. Having her right here, looking edible and not being able to do anything about it put me in an even fouler mood. “You’re welcome for the ride by the way.” Apparently I was going to take my irritation out on her. “I remember my first beer too.” “Vodka, jackass.” Halen leaned her head against the window but didn’t say anything else. She was silent for so long I assumed she’d fallen asleep, so it startled me when she spoke again. “I was having fun. For the first time, in a very long time, I was having fun.” “You’re wasted.”
“I stopped caring.” She crossed her arms over her chest, a position she stayed in a lot around me. “Nothing mattered for a few hours, and it felt amazing.” She rolled her head to the left, meeting my gaze when I glanced over at her. “It felt fucking amazing, Beau.” I did that to her, that’s what her eyes said. That’s what she was really telling me. I broke her and I had no clue how to fix her. All the I’m sorries in the world wouldn’t make it better, and my touch wouldn’t soothe any aches. I felt hopeless and lost. Shit. All the lights were out at Halen’s house when we pulled into their driveway. Marley and Avory were still at that party, and, apparently our parents were all still down at the pool house. Halen had passed out a few minutes ago so I had to unbuckle her then scoop her into my arms. I carried her through the front door, down the hall to the left, and into her room. Memories assaulted me while her scent surrounded me. She had the same bed, but different covers. A lot of the pictures of us were still up on her walls, on her dresser. I laid her down and picked up a frame from her nightstand. It was a picture of us at her
seventeenth birthday party. She was laughing and I had my arm around her neck, my mouth close to her ear. I’ll give you your real present tonight after everyone else is asleep, Sweets. Landry had taken that one with my camera. “I couldn’t throw them all out. My parents would have noticed.” I put the frame down and met Halen’s gaze in the dark room. Now probably wasn’t the time to have a heart to heart. But I knew I couldn’t leave her without saying something to try to thaw her hatred toward me. “Leaving was hard. But I know that being here, having to act like nothing happened was harder.” And that was the sum total of it. We were both broken, both sad and hurting. The only difference was, I went away. I drank and sulked and slept for days on end. But she didn’t get that luxury. She’d had to listen to people talk about me, listen to them say my name and smile through it like she still adored me. “You had to lie about us when we were together, and then you had to lie about us when we were apart. That wasn’t fair. And I’m sorry.” Another useless I’m sorry. Tears started to drip down her beautiful face and she rolled away from me, trying to hide them. “Go
away, Beau.” I went to the door, but instead of walking out, I took a deep breath and threw the lock in place. I’d left her here to deal with the fallout of me leaving, the fallout out of our breakup, of losing our baby. This whole time I’d been gone, I’d convinced myself I had done what was best for her, that I was being selfless and hurting myself so she could heal. But I was home now and refused to let her suffer alone anymore. I kicked off my shoes and got in bed, pulling her body flush to mine. “Sweets.” She resisted me for all of three seconds, and then she turned and buried her face in my chest, letting it all go. I rubbed her back, holding her while she cried herself to sleep. *** “What the fuck, Beau?” There was that damn phrase again. What was that, like, five times in the last twenty-four hours? I opened one eye and watched Cash climb into Halen’s window with practiced ease. “What are you doing in here?” “What am I doing in here? Really?” We were both whispering, trying not to wake
Halen. I peeked over her, checking the time on my wrist that was pinned to the bed by her body. It was two o’clock in the morning. “Yes. Really. What are you doing climbing into Halen’s window in the middle of the night?” I wasn’t jealous of their bond, of their closeness. Well, I wasn’t only jealous. “Crue told me that you came to pick her up from the party and I wanted to check on her, make sure she was okay.” He had his hands on his hips, looming over us like a pissed-off father. “Now why are you in here?” “She was upset.” He snorted quietly. “Which I’m sure you had everything to do with.” He jerked his thumb toward the still open window. “Get out.” I jerked back. “Excuse me?” She was my responsibility, my best friend long before she was ever his. “I’ll stay with her. You can go.” He sneered at me. “If Halen wakes up and finds you sleeping next to her like that she’ll lose her shit. We both know it. She can’t stand the sight of you.” He peeled his shirt over his head and I fought the urge to slit his throat. Instead, I spoke slowly, through clenched teeth. “I need you to put your shirt back on, climb the fuck back out of my girl’s
window, and go home.” I hadn’t meant to say my girl, because she wasn’t. But Cash was making me feel territorial, not to mention pissing me off. I knew there was nothing between them. I knew they were as close as brother and sister. But at that moment, I damn well didn’t care. “I’m not leaving. And if you fight me on this, I’ll kick your ass all the way back to your front door.” “This isn’t a pissing match. She’s my sister and I love her. I’m just trying to do what she would want, what would make her the most comfortable.” And just like that, the fight drained from my body. I wasn’t being fair. I’d left, and then I’d asked Cash to watch out for Halen. Watch over her. I was sure he felt protective and he felt like I was overstepping and going against her wishes. “I know. I’m sorry.” I looked down at the sleeping girl in my arms. “But I’m not leaving her. Not tonight.” I met his glare, letting him see the emotion on my face. “I’ve missed her, every damn day. I’ve dreamed of this, of lying next to her and holding her. Just give me one night.” “She’s gonna be fit to be tied when she wakes up, man.” “Yeah, you’re probably right.” I laid my head back down and pulled her tighter against me. I
didn’t care about what would happen in the morning. All that mattered was tonight, was right now when everything I’d been missing was back where it belonged. I was being selfish, but I just couldn’t make myself leave her this time.
Chapter Thirteen Halen “What the hell are you still doing in my room?” I whisper-yelled at a sleeping Beau while simultaneously smacking him with my pillow. “I fell asleep. Like you did.” He put his hands over his head and curled up into a ball. “What time is it? Come back to bed, Sweets.” “Don’t call me Sweets.” I hit him again, harder. “And I want you to get out.” I’d woken up with a smile on my face. Without thinking, I’d cuddled deeper into the body lying against mine. The scent and feel of Beau was so familiar it’d taken a few minutes for everything to register. I hated that I loved having him in my bed. I hated that my body craved his touch, his closeness. And I hated that I didn’t hate him.
“The sun’s not even up yet.” He was still in the fetal position, trying to go back to sleep. “No one else is awake on this whole damn compound. Just come lie down and I’ll leave in thirty minutes. Promise.” I wanted to do what he asked. I wanted to crawl under the covers and burrow my body under his and fall back asleep to the sound of his heart beating. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t let myself. “I’m going to take a shower, and I want you gone by the time I get out.” Finally, he uncurled himself and opened his eyes. “I’m not sorry I stayed, Hales.” “I know you aren’t.” I shrugged. “The only person you care about is yourself.” “Hales, that’s not—” “Leave.” I walked into my bathroom and shut the door, throwing the lock in place for good measure. If this was two years ago and we were arguing, he’d follow me. He’d pin me in the shower, holding my body against the wall with his, forcing me to listen to him. I’d give in, and we’d end up making love against the cool tile. But this wasn’t then. This was now. And if he tried to follow me, I’d use my razor to cut off his balls.
*** Once again, I was sitting at the table for breakfast. Only this time it was a full house. My parents, my sisters. Crue, Cash, Jett, Uncle Luke, Aunt Lo. And Beau. Somehow he’d ended up in my dining room. He claimed that it was because he’d missed breakfast at his house, but I doubted that. Cash was shooting him dirty looks over the biscuits and I was trying not to make eye contact at all. Last night was a mistake, a moment of weakness. I should have never let him comfort me, never let him hold me. Stupid vodka. “You guys got in pretty late last night. Must have been a fun party.” My dad was making his way around the table, looking us all in the eye. Searching for signs that we were hung over, or that we had something to hide. He did this all the time, and yet he never got a confession out of any of us. Early on in Landry’s dating life—yeah, we watched and learned—it was clear our fathers knew every sneaky trick in the book. Based on old articles we’d read on the Internet, before our moms had come into our dads’ lives, they were dawgs, druggies, and boozers. We’d learned to be doubly clever and now we got away with almost anything.
“What time did you three come home?” Uncle Luke set his sights on his boys. “It wasn’t past curfew, was it?” Crue grinned. “We were all back on the compound by midnight.” That was curfew. There were guards at the gate of the compound, and they would call our parents if we weren’t all safely on the grounds by twelve o’clock sharp. Little did they know that just because we were near home, didn’t mean that we were tucked in our own beds. Crue stayed with Avory almost every night, just like Beau had done with me. Cash had basically lived with me after Beau had left, and we made sure no one ever noticed. Marley and Jett were usually up riding around, doing whatever the hell it was they did, until the sun came up before they scurried home. And Landry? She used to check in at the gate and then head back out over the fence where we’d had a ladder hidden behind some cedar trees on the other side of the ranch. “Halen, did you have a good time, honey?” My mom sent me a warm smile and I returned it the best I could. “Yeah. I did. I’m glad I went.”
“Benson has been texting me all morning, begging for your number.” Crue winked at me from his spot to my left. “You made quite the impression last night.” I wanted to hide my aching head. Who knew what kind of impression my drunk ass made? “Is he the kid she was with when I came to pick her up?” Beau’s jaw was tight as he spoke to Crue. “I thought you said you had fun, Hales. Why did Beau have to come get you? Did something happen?” My mom did that, turned on a dime, from friendly mom to FBI interrogator. She was fishing, just like my father had been. The only difference? Occasionally she caught us. “No. I, uh, I got tired. But no one else was ready to leave so I called Beau and asked if he’d give me a ride home.” My dad clapped a hand on Beau’s back. “Thanks for doing that, son.” “No problem.” Beau’s smile was forced. “Now. Who is Benson?” Crue and Cash both got a wicked gleam in their eye, and I knew where this conversation was headed. And I knew their hearts were in the right place, but I was really praying that they would let it — “Benson’s family owns that big ranch on the
other side of town. His dad is some cattle baron. And Benson was into Halen last night, couldn’t take his eyes off of her.” Crue glanced at me, his grin seemingly innocent. “He’s a great guy, Hales. Can I give him your number? I know he’d love to take you out.” “You should give him a chance, sweetheart. It’s been so long since you really dated anyone. It might do you some good to get out of the house more.” My dad was making me feel like a lonely spinster with thirteen cats. I wasn’t there yet. I didn’t even like cats. Like I said, we were dog people. “Dad, Benson is still in high school and—” “Well, did you enjoy spending time with him? Is he hot?” My mom made me blush. From what I remembered, Benson was handsome. He was flirty, but in a very non-threatening way. I’d had a good time with him, at least until I’d gotten sloppy drunk and my younger cousin had sent me home. “You should go out with him, Hales. He’s one of the good ones.” Cash grinned at me and then turned a subtle fuck-off glare toward Beau. “Since when do you two want me to date? You’ve pretty much run off anyone I’ve tried to go out with in the last six months.” I stared daggers at
my twin cousins, kind of irritated with myself for not just letting it ride. They thought they were helping by trying to piss off Beau, by trying to make him jealous. But they weren’t. “Those guys were all douche canoes. Benson is —” “Crue, don’t say douche at the breakfast table.” My Aunt Lo gave him a slight shake of her head. “Those guys? How many guys have you gone out with, Sweets?” Beau was staring at me, his eyes wounded. Why? I had no fudging clue. He was the one who left me. And he used Sweets in front of parents when he knew I couldn’t get mad at him for it. He was really testing my patience today and it was only nine o’clock. “Like you have any room to talk? I’m sure you’ve banged chicks from sea to shining sea over the past two years.” “Halen Grace. That was uncalled for.” My mom scolded me like I was still a child. And, like I was still a child, I rolled my eyes. “What? My love life is open for discussion over breakfast but Beau’s isn’t? That doesn’t seem fair.” I sneered in his direction. “I’ve been on like three dates in the past two years. All of them over the last six months or so, and all of those guys were run
off before they could even attempt to kiss me, by those two jerk faces.” I pointed at my cousins, who grinned. “You know what? I had a great time with Benson. Why don’t you go ahead and give him my number. You’re right, Dad. Maybe it is time I started to date more. Put myself out there and see where it goes.” Beau scrubbed his hands down his face and then got to his feet, staring at me. “I just need you—” He clamped his mouth shut, clearly realizing his mistake, then forced his gaze to move around the table to address the whole family. “Uh, all of you to know that I have not spent the last two years whoring my way across the country. I haven’t been on one date. I haven’t been, um, with one chick.” Crue snorted. “You’re joking, right?” “Nope.” Beau pressed his fists down on the wood, his knuckles turning white. “What a waste.” Crue made a disgusted face. “Crue, don’t be that guy.” Uncle Luke gave his son a slight shake of his head, like Aunt Lo had mere minutes ago. My dad folded his hands under his chin. “Well, um, Beau I think that’s great. Good for you, for, um, focusing on yourself and your art.” He winced like saying those words almost pained him, then he
met my eyes. “And Hales, sweetheart, I think that you should call Benson. If your cousins are giving him the stamp of approval, then I’m sure he’s a great guy.” “Fine. I will.” My assent made me sound like a girl about to go on a date. My tone made me sound like the condemned about to walk the plank. “Okaaay…” My dad seemed confused. “We’ve got to head out. We have practice.” Crue stood up, his chair scraping the floor loudly. Avory rose, a small smile on her face, not meeting the eyes of anyone else in the room. Which told me she was about to lie. “Yeah, uh, cheerleaders too.” My dad glanced at his watch, checking the date. “I thought today was an in-service day at school? They still make you guys practice?” “Yeah, they’d never let us miss a practice this close to our first game.” Cash put his hand on my shoulder. “You want to come? Benson will be there, and we can go get lunch afterwards.” “No thanks.” I could feel Beau’s gaze boring holes into the side of my head. “You guys text me when you’re done, though. Maybe I’ll come over and meet up with y’all.” “Beau, sweetheart, we really need to spend
some time in my studio today. We need to go over which shots you want to use for the next show at the gallery.” My mom picked up her plate and headed into the kitchen. “Halen, you want to tag along? You haven’t seen any of Beau’s latest work.” What had my life become? Every person in my family felt the need to hand out pity invitations like I was some loser with no friends and no hobbies. I wanted to scream at them that I wasn’t lame, that I wasn’t this sad, pathetic girl. I’d had my heart broken, and I’d been depressed. Then the fudging instant I’d started to come around, started to live again, the heartbreaker himself had walked backed in the door wearing his sexy jeans and his sweet little smirk. Calling me old nicknames and holding me while I cried. Well, fudge him. And fudge the rest of these people too. I stood up, putting a big smile on my face. “I actually have some plans this morning, so…” I hadn’t really thought too far past that, so I just decided to leave them guessing and walked out of the house with my head held high.
Chapter Fourteen Beau I followed Aunt Lexi across the compound on my bike. Halen didn’t have any plans; she just didn’t want the rest of the family treating her like some charity case. Offering up activities so she wouldn’t have to be alone had ticked her off. It was written all over her face, even if I was the only one who’d seen it. I always knew what she was thinking. I revved my engine, popping a small wheelie in frustration. And who the fuck was Benson? Was she actually going to go out with that guy just to save face? Just to prove that she could? Holding her last night, waking up to her beautiful face, had been the best thing I’d done in a really long time. I was starting to realize that staying away from Halen wasn’t going to work. I’d
hurt her. Badly. I knew that. But I was home now, and maybe packing up as soon as the memorial was over wasn’t what I wanted anymore. How would she react if I stayed? Would she hate me? Ignore me? Would I ever get her to forgive me? I knew that getting her back wasn’t going to happen. That ship had sailed and it was no one’s fault except my own. But we’d been best friends from the beginning. Maybe I could at least get that back. I’d missed my family. I’d missed my home. And with everything I was, I’d missed Halen. I parked my bike and headed into my aunt’s studio. It had a top-of-the-line dark room, not to mention holoprinters, large touch-screen monitors, hyperprocessors and a framing station. I was lucky; I’d gotten to learn from one of the best in the industry. After Aunt Lexi had started photographing my father’s band, her work had become famous. She had musicians contacting her nonstop, asking if she’d do their shoots. She rarely said yes—she was too busy at Riffraff and too busy being a mom. “All right, bud. I started tagging some of the images I knew would work.” She pulled up a folder on her computer. I had used film. I’d sent her the
rolls, and she’d developed and then scanned them to have a good working file on what we had. It was easier than thumbing through a bunch of prints. “The stuff you got in New Orleans is really great. It’s so dark, so harsh.” She pulled up a picture I’d taken a few weeks ago. It was of a homeless man and his dog, sitting against the side of St. Louis Cathedral. “Yeah, that city has definitely given me a lot to work with.” I watched over her shoulder, checking the images she’d bookmarked. “I like showing the grit of the French Quarter. The stuff the tourists are too blinded by Bourbon Street to see.” “I agree.” She took a step back and crossed her arms over her chest, still looking at the large monitor. “Is that what you want to show? We can just pick your favorites and I can have everything ready by the end of the week. Maybe you can stick around and actually come to one of your openings?” Maybe I could. Maybe that would give me more time to work with Halen, more time to win her friendship back. An idea started to form in my head. “What if we show some juxtaposition? Not just dark, but some light too?” “Do you have any light from New Orleans? I
don’t think I saw anything.” She started scrolling through images, a frown on her face. “No. Not New Orleans.” This idea was starting to snowball. It’d either be the best idea I’d ever had, or the absolute worst. “What if we take my darkest, grittiest images from my last two years on the road—the ones we’ve never showcased before —and then, I get some shots here at home. Life alone, and then life surrounded by family, the people I love.” She tilted her head to the side, thinking. Sometimes I could see Aunt Lexi in Halen. In the expressions they shared, in the way they bit their lips or furrowed their brow. And this was one of those times. I knew that look; the one that said her brain was firing at a million miles a minute. “I think you might be on to something, buddy.” I smiled. “My art shows what I see, right? Life on the road was dark and lonely. But I’m home now. And home is full of sunlight and wild flowers. Smiling people.” Halen. Home was Halen. “You think you’ll be able to get enough over the next few days to pull together half a show?” “I know I can.” And my favorite muse was going to help me do
it, whether she knew it or not. *** The adult part of me said I should grab my camera and just take some images of the compound. The old tree house, the sunlight streaming through the oaks—easy stuff to create the setting. But the jealous dude in me, the one who couldn’t seem to leave Halen alone, said I should head to the ball fields. So that’s what I did. Practice was over by the time I got there. Crue was chasing Avory around the bases, not being discrete at all. Cash was parked on the bleachers sitting with Halen and that fucker Benson who was wearing his practice uniform with a cowboy hat. I was instantly annoyed. Just what I needed—some sweet Southern rancher wooing my girl. Yeah, my girl. “Hey, cuz, what are you doing here?” Cash’s tone was light, but his expression said what the actual fuck? I held up my camera. “Aunt Lexi and I decided to add some new images to the show. I wanted to get shots of life at home.” Cash raised one eyebrow. “This isn’t home. This is a high school ball field.”
“Yeah. Well.” I had nothing to say. And all I wanted to do was climb the steps and knock Benson off the back of his seat. So instead I ignored Cash, opened the gate and headed onto the green field. I took some shots of Crue and Avory. Shots I could never use because the ‘rents would cotton on to the fact that they were together. There was a Riffraff Records sponsor’s board along the back fence. I shot that too. In reality, Cash was right, there was nothing here that spoke to my life at home. Nothing other than Halen and my insane need to win her over. I turned and looked at her through my lens, watching as she laughed at something Cash said. I snapped a continuous loop of shots of her. “You trying to piss Hales off? Or win her back?” Crue walked past me, carrying Avory over his shoulder, smacking her butt lightly. “Neither.” I followed them, taking some candid shots of Avory giggling. “Just getting some work in while the light is good.” I wanted to roll my eyes at myself. Middle of the day? Sun high in the sky? Actually, not great light. But luckily Crue didn’t know that. When we got back to the bleachers, Halen avoided meeting my eyes and Cash got to his feet.
“We’re going to go grab some lunch.” “Great. I’m starving.” I smiled at him and he glared at me. He had every right to be pissed. I was being an asshole. I was crowding Halen. I was going against what she wanted and what she thought she needed. I was pushing her as well as the guy I’d asked to protect her. And the worst part was, I literally couldn’t stop. Holding her last night, seeing her break? It’d done something to me. More than anything I’d imagined in all the time I’d been away, her tears on my chest hurt my soul. I had to fix this. “Hey Motley Crue, why don’t you and Avory take my bike and I’ll take your truck.” “Hell yeah.” Crue practically skipped past me, tossing me his truck keys on the way. “Hales, why don’t you ride with Benson?” Cash was speaking to Halen, but looking directly at me. Murder in his eyes. Benson threw his arm around Halen, like they’d know each other for years, not hours. “Come on, sugar. We better follow Crue, make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid on that bike.” Halen let him lead her toward his giant, jacked-up, self-driving, clearly-overcompensating-for-something truck. There was nothing I could do to stop her. Calling
out, begging her to ride with me? Not cool. Beating the shit out of Cash and Crue’s friend? Asshole move. So here I was, driving toward one of the two restaurants in the small town outside of Austin where we lived. The same restaurant I’d taken Halen on more than one date. “What the hell are you doing, Beau?” I took a deep breath, a calming breath, so I didn’t go postal on my cousin. “I’m going to lunch with my family. And Benson.” “Why are you following her? Why are you messing with her? What are you after? Fuck, man.” Cash threw his hands in the air. “I don’t get you. You bail and ask me to protect her. Then the moment you come home, you want her back? Can’t you see what you being here is doing to her? Can’t you see that it’s killing her to have to look at you, to hear your voice?” “I’m just trying to mend what I broke.” That was the simplest answer I could give him. “I’m not trying to win her back, and I’m certainly not trying to hurt her.” “You didn’t just break her, Beau. You shattered her.” He hung his head. “The best thing for Halen would be for you to stay away, to give her space
and then leave the second the memorial is over.” “You’re right.” I gripped the steering wheel tighter, my knuckles turning white. “But that’s not going to happen.” “Fuck, Beau, come—” “Halen and I were best friends before we were anything else. We were inseparable, even before our first kiss. She means more to me than I could ever even try to put into words.” I pulled into a parking spot and watched as Benson helped her out of his truck. “We’re family. And this won’t be the last time that we’re all together. You want her to react this way every holiday? Every graduation? Every wedding? Every time I come home to see my parents?” “No.” “Then let me try and fix things between us. Please.” He deserved the please, he really did. After all, he’d taken are of Halen like I’d asked him to from the moment I’d left to the moment we were sitting here, arguing in his brother’s truck. “If you make things worse, if you hurt—” “I won’t. I promise you, the last thing I want to do is hurt Halen.” I glanced over in time to see him give me a slight nod of approval. I knew he didn’t like it, but I also knew he
wouldn’t go back on his word. Cash was the best of us.
Chapter Fifteen Halen I liked Benson, but I didn’t want to date him. And sitting next to him at lunch, his arm slung around the back of my chair, felt a lot like leading him on. Which was making me feel kind of sick to my stomach. I never wanted to hurt anyone the way I’d been hurt. I never wanted to be the cause of someone’s heartache. I should have never gone out to the ball field, should have never agreed to give him my number. I was acting out in survival mode, trying to do anything and everything I could to stay away from Beau. Beau. The gorgeous guy sitting across the table who I could feel watching me. I’d always been able to tell when his eyes were on me; the heat they put off was palpable. So, I put a smile on my face and
acted like a normal nineteen-year-old girl at lunch with a group of friends. I laughed when it was appropriate, I shot playful insults toward Cash and Crue, and I answered Benson when he talked to me. “Hales, what are your plans tonight?” Crue was looking at me, a mischievous smile on his face. “Well, uh, I have class tomorrow, so I’ll probably just spend the night reading.” I wasn’t lying. I did have class tomorrow, all day actually. “We’re all headed to the movies. We thought maybe you and Benson would want to join us.” Avory was silently begging me to say yes. She knew that going out like that on a school night wouldn’t be something my parents readily agreed to. But if I went, they’d just be so damn happy that I was out of the house that they wouldn’t protest. “Yeah. Crue has a date and some other guys from the team are coming too.” Cash was trying to sell me on it also, probably because he didn’t want me anywhere near Beau. “Crue has a date?” Beau cocked his head to the side, studying Cash. “Really?” Avory giggled nervously. “Yeah, Crue has a date. He always has a date.” I wasn’t sure she knew that we knew what the twins had been up to. I’d
chewed Crue’s ass up one side and down the other yesterday when I’d found out about what he was asking his brother to do. Obviously, it hadn’t done any good. Crue sent Beau a pointed stare, letting his eyes flicker to Benson. With the way Crue and Avory had been acting at the baseball fields, I thought maybe Benson was in on the whole thing. But Crue was all but pleading with Beau to keep his mouth shut. Beau just rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man.” “I, uh, I really do have some homework. And I have to be up pretty early for class.” I smiled kindly at Benson, trying to take the sting out of turning down an opportunity to spend more time with him. “Rain check?” He nodded and used his thumb to rub my shoulder. “Of course.” “How ‘bout you, Beau? You want to come to the movies?” Cash was smiling at Beau like they were BFFs, not like they were currently on opposite sides of a war zone. I loved my cousin. I loved what he was doing. He couldn’t stay home to keep me company; he had to go to the movies and slut it up in his twin’s place. But he was still trying to save me the possible heartache of seeing Beau, without one of my human buffers.
“Nope.” Beau just smiled right back. *** When my window opened eight hours later, I wasn’t surprised. But I was irritated as all get out. “Go away, Beau.” I knew he’d use the time to his advantage. I’d thought about locking my window, but I figured I’d run the risk that he’d just go to the front door and my parents would let him in. At least this way, I could kick him out and they wouldn’t think I was acting strange. “Just give me five minutes.” He was standing in my room, his dark jeans resting perfectly against his black retro Chucks, and his grey t-shirt looked soft. Like a shirt I would have stolen two years ago and made my favorite nightgown. His hair was messy, and his eyes were pleading. “Three minutes.” I went back to reading the book on my desk. I couldn’t keep staring at him; he was too handsome. It hurt too much. “Three minutes,” he agreed. I watched out the corner of my eye as he took a couple steps toward me. “But you’ve got to look at me, Hales. Please.” I didn’t want to look at him. Looking at him tended to make me weak or pissed off, and I wasn’t confident that pissed off would win right now. But I
knew he wouldn’t go away until I did. “Time starts now.” He nodded. “I’m not trying to hurt you, or trying to get you back. I know that I messed up too big to ever hope for that. But, you’re my best friend, Halen, and—” “I was your best friend. Now I’m just some girl you left crying in her bedroom.” I scoffed. “Not the last, I’m sure.” He held up his hand, stopping me from saying anything else. “That’s not fair. I’ve already told you that there hasn’t been anyone else. And you said I had three minutes; time starts over if you keep interrupting me.” I let out an exasperated sigh but waved my hand so that he would continue. “We are going to be around each other for the rest of our lives. Graduations, weddings, births, deaths. All of it will bring us back into the same space. You can’t keep treating me like I’m some sort of monster, like I’m a stranger. We’ve been close our whole lives and you acting like you can’t stand to be around me is going to make people suspicious. Our parents will start to ask questions. They’ll find out everything that happened between us. And I know that’s the last thing that you want.”
He took another step closer and I barely resisted the urge to move to the other side of the room. He was dangerous; his touch was too familiar, his embrace too tempting. Last night had taught me that I was still weak when it came to him. “All I’m suggesting is that we try to get our friendship back. Try to let go of the hurt and the anger and the resentment.” He was right, which sucked. Our families would always be close, and spending the rest of my life crying at the sight of him was going to eventually take its toll. Hell, it already had. I was emotionally exhausted and he was still going to be here for a few more days. “Okay, I agree. We need to try to be friends again, or civil at the very least.” He let out a breath, like he’d been holding it in waiting for my reaction. “Will you come somewhere with me?” “Really? Don’t you think that’s pushing it a bit?” I’d literally just agreed to try to stop scowling every time he walked into a room. Going on a moonlit walk seemed like too big a leap. “Please, Hales.” He held his hand out to me. “I need your help with something. And that’s what friends do, right? Help each other?” “I wouldn’t know. My best friend left me when
I was—” “Hales.” The way he said my name, like he was just as tired as I was. Just as broken. It went straight to my hardened heart and thawed it just a smidge. I’d agreed to try. I wouldn’t go back on my word. I wasn’t him. I put my hand in his and let him pull me to my feet. “Where are we going?” He climbed out the window, and then helped me down. I pushed his hands away as soon as I touched the ground. “I took this picture in New Orleans, it was of this homeless man and his dog leaning against a really famous cathedral.” We were walking side by side toward the strip of woods to the left of my house. “I wanted to get an image to oppose it.” He whistled and I heard the unmistakable sound of dog tags jingling. Our families had always had dogs running around, and for all of us, the bigger the better. My parents were currently between dogs, still healing from losing our last one. But my Aunt B and Uncle Jacks currently had a giant Great Dane mix named Crest. Their dogs always had names that started with C. I knelt down and scratched the big grey dog
behind his ears. “Hey Crest, sweet boy.” I kissed his muzzle and then stood, wiping my hands on my yoga pants. “What do Crest and I have to do with homeless men in New Orleans?” “Well. The show is all about juxtaposition. So I wanted to capture you and Crest, leaning against a tree.” He pointed to the large oak a few yards in front of me. In return, I pointed at the messy bun on the top of my head. “I’m hardly picture ready, Beau.” “You always look picture ready, Sweets.” I gritted my teeth. “Don’t. Call. Me. Sweets.” “You have to get used to it again. Our parents will expect it. I haven’t called you anything else since we were kids.” “Yeah, well. People grow up and childish nicknames fall by the wayside.” I put my hands on my hips. “And if you want my help, my friendship, you’ll just nod your head in agreement and get on with it.” His smile was tight, but he nodded. “Just sit down against the tree and then kind of let Crest lay in your lap.” Doing what he asked was easy. Crest thought he was the size of a teacup Yorkie and never had any problems climbing into people’s laps. I laughed and
hugged his thick neck. I could hear the shutter clicking on Beau’s camera, a sound that had once been so familiar to me. I did what I knew he’d want me to do. I didn’t look at him; I kept my attention on the dog in my lap. I petted him and talked to him. Then I got silent and leaned against the tree, looking toward the moon.
Chapter Sixteen Beau She looked so fucking beautiful sitting there in the moonlight. I longed to be next to her, to kiss her lips and hold her hand. And I knew it was something that I would crave for the rest of my life. Being around Halen was the best form of torture. I knew she wasn’t mine. I knew that she’d never be mine again. But fuck if I wouldn’t dream about it every second of every day. “That’s perfect, Hales.” I took a few more shots then let my camera hang. “Thank you.” I stepped closer and reached a hand out, surprised when she actually let me help her to her feet. “No problem.” She folded her arms across her chest. “You need anything else?” I wracked my brain trying to find something else
to do, some other way to keep her out here with me. But I was already pushing my luck. This was a marathon, not a sprint. “I think I’m good for tonight.” I cleared my throat, almost afraid of my next words. “I was going to head to your mom’s studio tomorrow, go through some of my other pictures and try to come up with ideas to oppose them. Would you, uh, maybe want to help? You’ve always had a really great eye.” I could see in her gaze that she started to say no. It was the first word that popped into her head when it came to me. But then she softened a little and shrugged. “I have class until four.” “After that then? You could just meet me at the studio?” I was pleading, even I could hear it. “Uh, yeah, sure.” She nodded but then stepped away, headed in the direction of her house. “Wait, let me walk you home.” She let out a soft laugh. “I can see my window from here, Beau. I think I can make it on my own.” “I know. I just, uh—” “Baby steps. Okay?” She met my gaze in the darkness. She looked scared, and almost injured. “Good night, Hales.” I watched as she walked away, climbing into her window a few seconds later. She sent me a small wave as she pulled her
curtains closed. Like a stalker, I stayed there, watching her shadow get ready for bed. Eventually she turned off the light and I went back to my house, Crest obediently by my side. *** “Hey, Uncle Smith, what’s up?” I opened the front door wide, silently inviting him in. “My dad isn’t here; he had something to handle up at the office this morning.” It was early and I hadn’t even had my coffee yet. I’d spent more than half the night lying awake in bed, trying to figure out how I was going to get back into Halen’s good graces. He smiled and headed straight for the kitchen, pulling a handful of cookies out of the cactusshaped jar on the counter. “Yeah, I know. I came to talk to you.” He held up his hand. “And for the cookies.” Aunt Dilly was a health-food nut; she rarely had sweets around the house. I was close with my Uncle Smith—I always had been. He was my bio father’s cousin and had grown up on the bayou. His father was the monster Jared had left me with when he went to prison. Smith and I talked a lot when I was little, when I’d first come to live at the compound. He’d helped me feel like less of a victim and more of a survivor. He never
pitied me, never batted an eye when I’d tell him the awful things I remembered about life before they’d rescued me. “What’s going on?” He leaned against the counter, clearly not wanting to stray too far from the sugar. “I wanted to ask how you were doing with Jared’s death and everything.” I shrugged, pushing buttons on the coffee pot, silently begging it to work. “I didn’t really know the guy. He rarely came around. I don’t think I’ve seen him since my high school graduation. And when he was here, it was always like he was too scared to speak to me.” “You talked about him a lot when you were little. You called him your other dad.” He was watching me, always studying. Halen and I had made it a point to be on our best behavior around him. If anyone was going to figure us out, it would have been him. I didn’t even lay a finger on her if Uncle Smith was in the same room. I swear he could read body language like he was trained by the CIA. “I know. But the older I got the less I saw him— or talked to him for that matter—and the more I stopped thinking of him as family. I have a father, and it’s not Jared.” Emotion clogged my throat
when I talked about what my dad did for me. He rescued me. He saved me. He gave me a family and a home with unconditional love and support. He gave me a life worth leading. Jared just gave me DNA. “I know that, bud. We all do.” He popped another cookie in his mouth. “I just wanted to make sure that this whole thing wasn’t stirring up old hurt. I know you’re staying in New Orleans these days and that’s really close to Meraux.” Meraux was where Uncle Smith and Jared had grown up, where Uncle Smith’s asshole of a father still lived. “It never even crossed my mind to go back there. It’s not anywhere I want to revisit.” I winced. “And to be honest, I didn’t really have any emotions when dad told me Jared had passed. Good or bad. I mean I feel for you guys. I don’t like that y’all are grieving, but Jared didn’t mean much to me.” “It’s been a long time since you were home.” He was back to studying me, gauging my every reaction. I hadn’t been back to the compound in two years. I’d seen my sister and my parents pretty often. We’d meet up wherever I was, spend a few days being tourists. And I’d seen the rest of my aunts and uncles a few times when they’d go to
concerts near me. But I hadn’t seen my cousins, and I knew that had confused all of them. “How is it? Being here.” I swallowed, stalling, trying to figure out how to answer his question. “It’s great. I’ve missed everyone a lot.” I smiled, trying to go for selfdeprecating. “I’ll never stay gone that long again. Everyone is so grown up and I feel so out of the loop.” That wasn’t a lie. “You ever going to tell us why you left?” I chewed my bottom lip for a minute before answering, “I just needed a change. Different scenery. Different sounds. Different people. I needed to be on my own for a bit.” “I guess this place is pretty crowded, huh?” I chuckled, going for relaxed. “Yeah, well, you guys all popped out kids like rabbits.” “We’re so glad to have you home, buddy.” My dad called me buddy when I was a kid, and it’d stuck. My aunts still used it the most, but occasionally my uncles broke it out too. Like I said, nicknames were big in this family. “Thanks, Uncle Smith.” “You know I’m here if you ever want to talk, right? No matter what it is, no matter what you’re going through or what you’ve done…I’m here.”
I nodded. “I know. Thank you.” What I’d done? Did he think I’d killed someone and spent the last two years on the lam? Or did he know about Hales? About the baby, and that I’d broken her heart. “Halen was pretty upset when you moved out.” I needed to throw him off my trail. I needed to get that sharp observant mind on something else and away from me, and away from Halen too. Her emotions were constantly bubbling too close to the surface when it came to us. I changed the subject, fingers crossed that it would work. “I hear Evie will be home soon?” He lit up at the mention of his oldest daughter. “Yeah, she’ll be home for the memorial tomorrow. She hates that she can’t be here with everyone, but she had some sorority fundraisers she couldn’t miss.” I found my opening and I chuckled as I spoke, “Fundraisers? The only sorority fundraisers I’ve ever seen involved bikinis and soap suds.” His brow furrowed. “What?” “You know, like car washes. Girls in next to nothing, and guys stacked in line a mile long.” I was totally bluffing. I’d never seen one naked car wash in my life. But I really needed him to focus on someone else. “Haven’t you ever partied with
sorority girls?” I watched as all the blood drained from my uncle’s face. “Uh, yeah. Actually, I have.” He looked like he was seconds away from having a heart attack. Which was making me start to feel a little guilty. “I doubt that our sweet, sheltered Evie would ever do something like that, though. I’m sure what they say about the good girls going wild once they get to college is all bullshit, anyway.” A little guilty, but not guilty enough to stop. My plan was obviously working. Sorry, Evie. “Uh, yeah.” He pulled out his phone, already dialing as he walked toward my front door. “I’m here if you need me, bud.” “Thanks.” I shut the door and then sagged against it. Evie was going to claw my eyes out when she got home. After I made myself a giant cup of coffee I felt much better. And feeling much better made me feel shitty about throwing Evie under the bus to save myself and Halen. I sighed and pulled my phone out, deciding to be a good cousin and at least give her a heads up. Me: Your dad is going to be calling. I may have mentioned that sorority girls were notorious for being whores who did nothing but run around
in bikinis. Sorry. Love you. Almost immediately my phone dinged, like she’d been typing as I was. Evie: What in the holy hell did you do? My dad just fucking called and demanded I come home this instant so that he could check me for tramp stamps and hickeys. My eyebrows shot all the way into my hairline. Hell? Fucking? Evie didn’t curse. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I typed out my reply. Me: I needed to get your dad’s omniscient eyes off of me and onto someone else. You were like a sacrificial baby lamb. I said I was sorry. Evie: You’re going to be sorry. Did she just threaten me? Maybe I was right to turn Uncle Smith on to my baby cousin. Cussing and threats? That was not the Evie I’d left two years ago. She was a straight-A, perfect attendance, glasses-wearing, virginal, sweet as pie girl who still wore braids at the age of sixteen. Me: See you soon, Evs!
Chapter Seventeen Halen I wasn’t ready for school to be out. And for once, there was no dang traffic on I-35. There was absolutely no stalling the inevitable; it was time to go home and see Beau. I’d promised that I’d help him with his upcoming show at the gallery and I would. I didn’t go back on my word, ever. But I’d been parked outside my mother’s studio for five minutes now, putting off going inside. I was afraid to see him again. Afraid for him to smile at me, and to look good in his jeans. Afraid that my walls would begin to crumble and that I’d start to forgive him. Start to forget what he put me through. That was the problem with Beau and me. I loved him. I’d loved him my whole life. If he tried, if he made a play for my heart, not just my friendship…I’d
surrender. “Hey, you’re home.” When I walked in the door, a smile took over the concentrated look on his face. I didn’t really know how to respond. So I didn’t. I just shrugged and strode around the desk, standing next to him to study the images on the large computer monitor. He was scrolling through literally thousands of jpegs at a pace almost too fast for my eyes to keep up with. But he’d stop every so often and then jot down some notes. I read over his shoulder and saw that every image he paused at, he’d write down his idea of another picture to oppose it. Instead of trying to keep up with the computer, I started to point to the paper in front of him and make some suggestions. “This one here, where you need something that showcases light coming in through a window? Maybe the tree house during sunset?” He grinned up at me. “Yeah, you’re right, that’s a great idea.” I bit my lip and kept reading. “And this one. You could use our dads and the uncles. We could set them up around a table of scattered music sheets and cookies. Maybe one lone bottle of whiskey to show that not all vices are bad?”
“See? I knew you’d be the perfect person to help me with this.” He turned and our eyes met. That was the point where I needed to look away. Where I needed to make some excuse to leave, to avoid his gaze. But this time I didn’t. And when his eyes drifted down to my lips, I let myself feel the flutter in my belly. The butterflies that had always taken flight when he looked at me like that. He was close, and for just a moment I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. Spicy and outdoorsy at the same time. “Hales.” The way he said my name, the reverence in his voice. God, it was perfect. I allowed myself about ten more seconds. Ten more seconds of just being in the present, just being in the here and now with the boy I’d loved. I felt his lips; they were millimeters away. It would take nothing at all to let him kiss me. It’d be easy. And it’d be so good. “Sweets.” That nickname against my lips was like ice water to my soul. I took a step away. No, I couldn’t be too close to his smile. His hands. His heart. None of it was safe. None of it was okay. I cleared my throat. “If you want to keep making notes, I can go over them later and give you some ideas tomorrow.”
His smile fell. “You’re leaving?” “I, uh, I have some homework and I need to help my mom with dinner.” I laughed nervously. “You know how bad of a cook she is.” He looked back at the screen, like he was dismissing me, and grateful for the pass, I hightailed it to the door. When I had my hand on the knob, ready to make my escape, he stopped me when he said, “We’re all eating dinner at Uncle Smith’s tonight because Evie came home early. Didn’t your mom tell you?” I hung my head and slumped against the cool wooden surface. I was stuck with Beau for the rest of the night. And I couldn’t hide how it made me feel. Defeated. “Wonderful.” “Hales.” “It’s cool. I just, uh, thought maybe I’d get a little time to myself before the craziness of tomorrow is all.” And I thought that I’d get a night away from Beau. It felt like he’d been everywhere over the last few days. There was no escaping him. No ignoring the fact the he was here, that he was in my space. And if I was being completely honest, it was getting harder for me to keep up my walls. Everything about him was familiar, and everything about him…I missed. I was like an addict with my
drug of choice just sitting right in front of me. Begging me to use again. “You want to stay and go over some more?” He gestured to the computer screen. “Then we can head over to dinner together?” Did I want to? Sure. Should I? Nope. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with copious amounts of air. “I’m going to run home and get changed. I’ve been walking around campus all day, and I feel like I need a shower. I’ll see you at Uncle Smith’s.” I ran out of the studio without waiting for him to say goodbye. When I got home, my house was full of people. Jett and Marley were playing some video game on the large screen in the living room. Cash and Avory were doing homework at the kitchen table and Crue was sitting on the counter eating a banana and scrolling through his phone. The only one who bothered to look up when I entered was Cash. “Hey. Where have you been?” He wasn’t accusing me of anything, he just sounded concerned. It was my guilty conscience that made me bite my lip. Nothing had happened back there between Beau and me. An almost-kiss didn’t count, but I’d let my guard down. Even if it was for just a moment. “School. And then I ran by
my mom’s studio to look at something for Beau’s show at the gallery.” He narrowed his eyes, studying me for a second. Quietly trying to discern if I’d made it through that encounter unscathed. “We’re having dinner at Uncle Smith’s house tonight—I didn’t know if anyone told you. The parents are all there getting things ready.” “Yeah. Which means that Avory and I need to not be in here doing homework.” Crue hopped off the counter, polishing off his banana. He picked my sister up and threw her over his shoulder. “I can help you with your chemistry test later.” He smacked her ass playfully. “You’re failing chemistry.” She rolled her eyes, but let him cart her down the hallway to her room. The door slammed a second later. I wrinkled my nose. “Is Crue really failing chemistry?” “Nah, I think he has a C or something.” Cash closed his textbook and stood up, stretching. “You okay? I was going to head home and grab a shower real quick, but I can stay if you need me to. I can just shower here and then change before dinner.” I stepped over to him and placed my forehead on his chest. “You’re the best, you know that,
right?” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and relaxed some of his weight on top of me. “Of course I know that. A few of you wouldn’t survive without me.” I scoffed but he wasn’t too far off. I pulled back and met his eyes. “You need to stop worrying about the rest of us, and worry about yourself. You for sure need to tell Crue to fudge off.” He shrugged. “He’s my brother.” “I’m y’all’s brother too. If you want, I can take some of those chicks off your hands.” Jett called out from the living room. “Not a chance in hell, kid.” Cash replied over my head. “You look nothing like us. It would never work.” Then under his breath, where just I could hear, he mumbled, “Believe me, I’ve thought about it.” I knew he hated what he was doing for Crue. But I also knew that he loved his brother, and he loved Avory, and he’d never stop helping them. “Hey.” I pulled back and waited for him to meet my eyes. “Are you okay?” He grinned. “Of course.” “You know this taking care of each other is a two-way street, right? You don’t always have to be
the one that’s the protector, the guard. I can be there for you too.” “I know.” He kissed my forehead and then headed to the door. He turned and yelled out down the hallway. “Uncle Dash, hey, I thought you were at Uncle Smith’s already.” We both watched as Crue came bolting out of Avory’s room with his pants around his ankles, tripped twice and then dove into the bathroom across the hall. Cash winked at me and laughed so loud I heard him even though he was out on the porch. I headed to my room, knocking on the bathroom door on my way. “He was kidding.” Crue peeked his head out and looked toward the front of the house. “He’s an asshole.” I turned around and shot him a glare. “Really? I think we both know who the asshole is in this situation.” I held my hand up when he opened his mouth to, no doubt, argue. “Whether you’re trying to protect my sister or not, you’re in the wrong.” I walked away then closed my bedroom door, forcefully. Today at school had been easy. The last two hours, when I’d been at home? Not so much. Beau was slowly worming his way back into my good graces. Cash was crumbling before my eyes, and
Avory and Crue were a hot, hormonal mess. This whole family felt like it was seconds away from imploding.
Chapter Eighteen Beau I was sitting on Uncle Smith’s large front porch. Most of the family was already out back, but I was waiting for Halen. She told her mom she’d run to the pool house cellar and grab some more wine. I knew she was most likely avoiding me, and I hated that. I could have run that errand if she really didn’t want to see me. Or someone could have at least gone with her so she didn’t have to go alone. I was sitting on the bench swing, enjoying the peace and quiet with an ice-cold beer on the railing in front of me and the Texas sun setting to my right. I grabbed the camera from the seat beside me and snapped some pictures. This was drinking alone at its finest. Drinking alone in a therapeutic, healthy, soulful way. It would make a good counterbalance for a
couple of the images I had from Louisiana. “Penny for your thoughts? Traitor.” I put my camera down as Evie came out the front door. She looked different. She’d grown up, sure, but it was more than that. Her brown hair was shorter, with messy, wavy curls. Her eyelashes were long, like she had extensions, and her glasses were gone. She was wearing makeup, and her dress was so tiny it seemed more like a shirt. “Why don’t you come sit down and tell me what the hell is up with you?” I patted the swing. She sat, but instead of talking right away, she took my beer off the railing and drained it. Then she leaned back, sighing. “I always forget how pretty the sunsets are on the compound.” “You miss home?” I knew that feeling all too well. “Sometimes.” Apparently, I was going to have to drag every answer out of her if I wanted to have any sort of meaningful conversation. “You want to share the real reason you didn’t show up before today?” “I told y’all, I have obligations at school.” She turned to look at me. “I have a life. I have friends. I have charities I’m part of. I have things to do that don’t involve being one of the dutiful Devil’s
daughters, you know?” “The charity event?” “You were right, bikini car wash.” She laughed quietly. “But we raised over ten thousand dollars for the Big Brothers-Big Sisters organization.” “The cussing?” “Probably goes along with the drinking and the partying.” She bit her bottom lip and I couldn’t help but smile. That was our family, that was our ultimate tell, and we all fucking had it. See? Blood meant nothing because that nervous trait came from Uncle Luke and Aunt Lexi, and they weren’t related. “You in over your head, Evie?” I studied her, watched her throat work to swallow and her eyes almost glass over. Whether it was with tears or emotion, I didn’t know. “I don’t think so.” “That doesn’t sound convincing.” I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her against me, kissing the top of her head. “Tell me what’s going on, Evs. I can’t help if I don’t know.” “Sometimes…I just don’t know who I am anymore.” She sniffed and I realized it must have been tears. “I was always the good girl, always home and dependable. I didn’t date. I didn’t party. I
made good grades and did as I was told. I was the daughter my parents wanted me to be.” “And now?” I was almost afraid to hear her answer. “And now, I’m someone else. The sorority, the frats…school. It’s like they all expected me to be this spoiled little rock star, and when I wasn’t, they didn’t like me. So I became who they wanted. Alcohol, parties, boys. I play my part, and most of the time, it’s fun.” “But?” “But then, sometimes, it’s not.” She sounded so sad, so broken. “Did something happen, did someone—” “No. No, I swear, it’s nothing like that. I’m falling behind on some classes and I may have developed a slight Adderall addiction.” She held her hand out to keep me from interrupting her. “But I’m handling it. I promise, I have everything under control.” “Evie. It doesn’t really sound like you have—” “Hey, there you two are.” My Aunt Dilly popped her head out of the front door. “Everything okay?” We both smiled, lying through our pretty white teeth and answering her at the same time. “Yes.”
My aunt furrowed her brow. “You sure?” “Yeah, we’re just waiting on Halen to get back with the wine.” Evie sat up and stretched her arms over her head. I tried to school my expression when I noticed the tattoo on her thigh. I scooted a little closer, putting my leg right next to hers to keep my aunt from seeing it. Her mom seemed to relax a little knowing her daughter was out here waiting on her cousin. She wagged a finger at Evie. “Okay, but don’t you go try sneaking any of the wine when she gets here.” She chuckled like she was joking, but we both knew she wasn’t. Uncle Smith and Aunt Dilly were the strictest of all the parents. Evie put a giant, innocent smile on her face, expertly slipping on a mask. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” When Aunt Dilly shut the front door again, Evs slumped back down in the swing. “I fucking hate wine.” She looked at me, winking, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re a mess, you know that?” She nodded slowly, lips pursed. “I do.” We sat in comfortable silence until Halen’s white SUV pulled into the driveway. Evie stood and gazed down at me. “You still in love with her?” “You knew about Halen and me?” I never really
figured Evie knew, and if she did, I didn’t think she cared. She was always so quiet, so reserved. I had to say, I was digging this new Evie. Without the failing grades and amphetamine salt addiction, of course. “Yeah. I knew.” She watched Halen climb out of the car with two fabric grocery bags filled with wine. The aunts could really put it away. “I figured she was the reason you left. What happened?” I got to my feet and headed down the steps to help Halen, answering Evie on my way. “That’s a story for a different day.” *** I was sitting next to my sister at the large dining room table. We were passing around kale salad and grilled chicken. I hated eating dinner over here. It was always so damn healthy. I took another pull off my beer, trying to choke down the leafy green side dish. “Hey, you want to have breakfast together tomorrow? I feel like I’ve barely seen you since we’ve been home.” Landry turned to me, beaming. “I’d love to have breakfast with you.” She leaned her head on my shoulder. “I’ve missed you so much, bud.” I kissed the top of her head. “I missed you too.”
And I had. My sister and I had always been close and it’d been hard to be so far away from her. “How are things going with Halen?” She gestured down and across the table to where Halen was sitting with Cash on one side of her and Avory on the other. “Not too bad, actually.” I shrugged as I tried to force down another bite of salad. “She agreed to try to be friends again and she’s helping me get some stuff ready for my next show at the gallery.” I’d say that was a huge step in our new relationship. I lowered my voice even more. “And today, there was a brief moment where she just kind of, let me be near her. You know? Like she didn’t automatically move away.” Landry cocked her head to the side. “You are one lovesick puppy.” “I am not.” I shoved some of my broccoli onto her plate. “I’m trying to be her friend. I’m trying to ease some of the tension between us. That’s all.” “Sure. Keep telling yourself that.” She moved the broccoli to her left, over to Jett’s plate. When he went to stop her, she used her I’m the oldest tone. “You’re a growing boy, Jett. You need the nutrients if you want to pull girls like your brothers.” He rolled his eyes but started eating both
hers and my vegetables. She used her fork to point across from Jett, whispering so only I could hear her. “Evie sure grew up this past year, huh?” I snorted. “You don’t know the half of it.” “Really? What’s going on?” I shook my head. “We’ll talk about it all over breakfast, okay?” “Sure.” After most everyone was done eating my Uncle Smith stood from his place at the head of the table. “You all know Jared’s memorial is tomorrow. The cars will be here around three to pick us up. It’s a remembrance, a celebration of life, so no one needs to wear anything sad or depressing. But there will be press, so everyone does need to look nice.” Look nice. That was the parents’ way of saying we all needed to look like respectable little offspring of the Devil’s Share. Rocker chic. We all had the clothes in our wardrobes; we all knew what was expected of us. Our parents kept us away from the media as much as they could. They rarely let reporters in, rarely gave interviews. But when we were all together in public, when things like the memorial shoved us into the spotlight, we all had parts to play. My uncle kept talking about tomorrow and how it would go and what was
expected of each of us. But I stopped listening. Everything started to make sense, and yet confuse me at the same time. The parts the parents wanted us to play. The people they expected us to be. That was the root of our problems, all of us. No freaking surprise Evie was making herself crazy trying to be who her so-called friends expected her to be; she’d been doing it her whole life. Being the perfect daughter she thought her parents wanted. And Cash and Crue? Cash was bending over backward trying to keep everyone’s assumptions about them on an even keel; trying to not draw attention to the change. Because change wasn’t good. It was no wonder I’d felt like I’d needed to leave so Halen could be happy. I thought to be happy, she needed to be the old her, like her father had wanted. How was that even possible? After everything we’d been through, what we’d lost… neither one of us would ever be the same again. Whether I’d stayed or had gone. I stood, suddenly completely overwhelmed and unsure of everything I’d thought I’d known and loved about my family. I knocked my chair over backward, my chest heaving. The table went silent and all eyes were on me. When I didn’t try to
explain myself, my mom put her drink down. “Beau? Are you okay?” I shook my head, trying to clear it. “I, uh, yeah.” “There’s a spider.” Landry squealed and jumped to her feet and then started swatting at the table. “It’s huge.” Jett followed suit, knocking his plate full of vegetables to the floor and stomping on them. “There, I think I got it.” He ground the leftover broccoli into the tile, smirking at me. “Yep. It’s dead.” He sat back down and shrugged. “They were right, it was a big one.” Landry squeezed my hand and then lowered herself to her chair, and she pulled Jett in for a hug. “Thanks baby cousin, you know I hate spiders.” She shimmied in her seat for effect, pretending to have chills wracking her body. He laughed. “That’s what family is for, right?” He looked past her, his eyes on me. Silently asking if I was good. I sent him a slight nod. “Right.” Was that what family was for? Or were we just perpetuating the problem? Just teaching him to hide the truth? I picked my chair up and sat it in place. I didn’t sit back down, though. I walked into the house and
grabbed some paper towels then went back under the table and silently cleaned up the mess we’d made while the family went right back to discussing the memorial. While I was down on the floor scooping up squished broccoli, Halen poked her head under the table. “Hey, you good?” I nodded, again. But was I? Were any of us? We knew each other, we knew the real us. But our parents didn’t. The world didn’t. The people we were only truly existed within the confines of this compound. Landry knew I’d needed saving, and Jett had joined in, no questions asked. Halen knew from all the way across the table that there was no spider. We knew Cash was drowning, and we knew Crue hated himself for hurting his brother but he loved Avory too much to stop. We knew Avory was smart enough to know that this was all going to blow up in their faces. We knew Jett and Marley were up to something, but we’d all silently decided to give them space and the benefit of the doubt. We could see the change in Evie; we could see that she wasn’t happy. And Landry? I knew there was something going on with her, something she wasn’t sharing.
Everyone knew I still loved Halen, still wanted her. No matter what I said to try to convince them, and myself, otherwise. I’d never thought of us as liars, as fakes. Not once in my whole sixteen years of living on this compound. But now? I wasn’t so sure. Was it us against the world? Or us against the truth?
Chapter Nineteen Halen I thought Beau would use dinner to try to get closer to me. I thought he’d be a little space invader. But other than helping me carry in the wine, he’d pretty much stayed away. Something was off with him; all of us could see that. But even though we were trying, we weren’t friends anymore. I didn’t feel like I could demand answers from him. I wouldn’t confide in him. Why should I expect him to confide in me? We’d been back home for a couple of hours and it was getting late. I’d told my parents goodnight and headed down the hall to my room. I had class tomorrow, a class I would have to miss for Jared’s memorial. A man I’d never really known. I shut my door then jumped in surprise, my hand going
straight to my heart. “Beau?” He stood from his seat on the edge of my bed. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” “What are you doing in here? Is everything okay?” I wanted to be mad that he’d crawled through my window. I wanted to be pissed and irritated that he thought he still had that right. But I just couldn’t muster up the emotions. Not after the look on his face at dinner. He’d seemed so lost. “I just wanted to see you, I guess.” He shrugged, his forehead wrinkled in confusion. “To be honest, I started walking and ended up outside your window.” “What happened tonight?” I took a step toward him, a small one. He looked down at my bed then back to me. Like he was asking permission to sit down again. When I nodded, he did. “I started thinking about life on the compound, life with the parents. It was like everything I thought was clear and right suddenly got so fucking muddled up, you know?” “Like what?” I took another step, in spite of myself. He was staring at his hands, not really speaking to me…more just, speaking. “We all have a part to play. We all have a box that we fit in, a box the
parents put us in. But no one fits in a box, right? None of us are the people they think we are. We all have secrets. We all have lies. It’s like we lead double lives.” I joined him on the edge of the bed, both relieved and sad that his freak-out wasn’t about me. Did that mean he was he over me? Did he truly only want to be my friend? “It’s always been that way around here, though. We let them believe what they want and we live our lives the way we see fit.” He scoffed. “Crue is hurting Cash and Cash resents Crue. That’s all about keeping the parents in the dark. Evie is spiraling out of control. She feels like she’s two different people, and she doesn’t really like either one of them. Landry, Avory, Jett, Marley…who the hell are we?” “We know each other. We know the real us, and that’s all that matters. I know who you are.” I put my hand on his leg. I wasn’t trying to flirt; he just seemed so upset and my instinct was to comfort him. He met my eyes. “Do you? Because I didn’t know who you were, not really.” He shook his head, his face full of regret. “Your dad came to me the day I found out you were pregnant. He asked me to convince you to go out more, have more fun
with your friends. You’re only young once, that’s what he told me. You were staying home a lot, with me, but they didn’t know that. They were uncomfortable with the change. They thought something was wrong with you.” I bit at my bottom lip. That sounded like something my parents would say. They tried to talk me into having more of a social life every damn day. “Who cares what they thought? You knew why I was home. You knew I was happy.” “And yet, I still let your dad get in my head. I started to wonder if he was right. I started to think that life with me wasn’t good for you. I started to believe what he believed. That to be happy, to live the life you wanted, I needed to go. I needed to set you free, give you the future you deserved.” His eyes filled with tears, but he blinked them away before they could fall. “After we lost the baby, you were so broken. So sad. I thought if I left, you’d go back to being the old you.” He let out a humorless laugh. “Which was so fucking stupid. We lost our baby. We’ll never be the same.” He shook his head while my heart wept a little. “Being here these past few days after being gone so long? It’s like everything I thought I knew doesn’t make sense anymore.” He
grabbed my hands in his. “I’m so sorry, Sweets. I’m so fucking sorry.” He put his forehead on our joined hands. “I fucked up. I fucked it all up and I’ve missed you every minute of every damn day.” I didn’t really know what to say or how to react. He was being so real, so open. The emotion in his voice was bringing tears to my eyes. The touch of his hands was making my insides get all warm and tingly. I knew he was sorry; he’d said it before, over and over. I knew he’d missed me—he’d said that too. But this was the first moment I’d let myself feel it. It was the first time I let his words start to heal me. “I missed you too.” My voice was small, soft and unsure. But it made him pick his head up, and his eyes started to search mine. “Can you ever forgive me?” I nodded. I could, I knew I could. I’d always known I could. Hanging onto the anger, the pain and the resentment? That was me trying to keep my walls intact. Trying to keep myself from getting hurt again. But I wasn’t the one hurting right now, he was. And all I wanted to do was make it better for him. “I don’t think I can make it without you, Sweets. These past two years have been torture. I felt so alone. I convinced myself that staying away
was what was best for you. But what’s best for me is you. And I thought I was being selfless and giving you the life you deserved, but—” “But you never asked me about the life I wanted.” “I thought I knew everything. I thought I had it all figured out. But life here, life at this compound, it’s confusing and alienating. And I’m not sure any of us know what the hell we’re doing.” I smiled and took his face in my hands. “I know you, Beau. Not the person you show your parents, not the artist you show the world.” I moved one hand down to his heart. “I know the person you are in here.” “That’s because I’m never truly myself, unless I’m loving you.” He closed his eyes, turning his lips toward my palm and placing a kiss there. “And I’ve loved you my whole damn life.” “Kiss me.” If his soft gasp was any indication, my request shocked him as much as it shocked me. But I’d meant it. I wanted him to kiss me more than I’d wanted anything else in a really long time. “Are you sure?” His voice was soft, almost scared. I nodded, and that was all the permission he needed. His lips came crashing down on mine, his
hands fisting in my hair. It wasn’t sweet or gentle. It was hard and desperate, like he was afraid that I’d change my mind and disappear. I wouldn’t. I’d already crossed the line. I’d already put my heart back on the chopping block and I knew there was no way I could turn back. I still wanted him, and I still loved him. No matter how hard I wished those things weren’t true. He pulled back, his eyes searching mine. “I can’t believe this is real.” There was so much love shining in their depths. And I realized that the love in his gaze never went away. From the moment he walked out, to the moment he came home, it was always there. Every time he looked at me. “It’s real.” “Why? Why did you suddenly forgive me? I don’t deserve it.” I bit my lower lip. “No, you don’t deserve it.” “Then…” “I don’t know, Beau. Maybe I’m tired of trying to be so strong. Maybe I’m tired of denying how bad I still want you. Maybe it was the lost look on your face at dinner, or the love and regret I see swimming in your eyes. Does it matter? We’re here now, and I’m asking you to kiss me.” “It matters, Sweets.” His gaze dropped down to
my lips, briefly. “I want you back. But I want all of you, not just your body. I want your heart, Halen.” He moved my hair over my shoulder, letting his hand rest on the column of my neck. “But until you’re ready, I’ll take your friendship.” He was right. I was taking the easy way out. I could offer up my body. I could spend the night wrapped in Beau’s arms. It would feel good, and we’d both fall asleep happy and content. But it would just be a patch; in the morning all our problems would still be there. The hurt, and the past. It’d be waiting for us. “Beau. I, uh—” He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “Get some rest, Sweets. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He got up and went to my window, swinging one leg out into the dark night. I stood, wringing my hands. “Beau, wait.” He was sitting on the ledge when he turned back to face me. I took a step in his direction. “I never stopped loving you either.” I swallowed, closing my eyes for a moment. When I opened them, he was standing right in front of me. He put his hands on my face, bringing his lips down on mine. I took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. He pulled away too soon, smiling down at me. “Goodnight, Sweets.”
I wasn’t ready to give him my heart, not yet. But tonight had gone a long way in starting to heal the some of the hurt between us. And being in his arms, feeling his lips against mine made me realize just how much of me he still owned.
Chapter Twenty Beau “Hey, you’re late for breakfast, bud.” My sister narrowed her eyes when I sauntered out to the picnic table in our backyard. She’d brought a shit ton of food from our house outside. Fruit, bagels, juice, muffins…it was an impressive spread for two people. Despite her irritated tone, I couldn’t help but smile. “I’m not late, you’re early.” I never in a million years thought I’d get my girl back. And after last night, I knew I was well on my way. And I couldn’t stop grinning like a fool. “You want to tell me what put that goofy grin on your handsome little face?” She knew. I could tell by the now-playful tone of her voice. But I’d indulge her. “Halen.”
“You guys back together?” She cocked her head to the side in slight disbelief. “We’re working on it.” I didn’t want to jinx anything. I was afraid—terrified, actually—that Halen would suddenly change her mind about us, about everything that had happened last night. “She took you back a lot faster than I thought she would.” I didn’t bother to correct my sister as she shoveled blueberries in her mouth and then took a large bite of a cream-cheese-topped bagel. Halen hadn’t taken me back, per se. But she’d kissed me, admitted that she still loved me, and that was something. That was a big something. “Stomach bug gone?” I hadn’t seen her eat this much in a couple days. “Yeah.” She ate more berries. “I thought it’d take weeks of you groveling at Halen’s feet before she’d even begin to forgive you.” “Me too.” I plucked a grape out of the fruit salad bowl in front of me. “Turns out all it took was me having an existential crisis at the dinner table.” She chewed and swallowed. “Yeah, what the hell was that all about? And what’s going on with Evie? I feel way in the dark right now.” She drained her glass of orange juice and picked up a muffin. “Apparently Evie is losing her shit. She’s failing
some classes, washing cars in string bikinis, dating frat guys, getting tattoos, and taking Adderall to keep up with it all.” I nodded at the shock on my sister’s face. “I know. And that’s just Evie. Cash and Crue? Switching places so that no one notices that the male whore twin is no longer male whoring it up.” “What?” This time she didn’t bother to swallow; she just talked around a mouth full of strawberries. “Cash is pretending to be Crue and banging chicks left and right. It’s fucked up, and Cash is miserable. But we both know he’d do anything for his brother.” I put my elbows on the table and rested my head in my hands. “Last night, while Uncle Smith was talking, I realized something. Everything that’s fucked around here is because none of us want to disappoint the parents. They think life here is one way, and that we’re all these great, well-adjusted kids. But it’s not, and we aren’t.” “Are you saying it’s their fault? Because that’s not fair. We choose to lie to them, all of us.” “No, I’m not saying it’s their fault. What I’m saying is that it’s not surprising that we all fuck up so damn much.” I smiled. “Well, all of us except for you. You’re a freaking surgeon, you’re per—”
My sentence was cut off when my sister leaned over the side of the table and threw up every bit of the breakfast she’d just consumed. I wrinkled my nose and tried really hard not to gag while I waited for her to finish. That would be one really odd and sporadic stomach bug. Eventually she sat up and wiped her hand across her mouth. “Nobody is perfect, bud.” I nodded, my smile weak. “How far along?” “Five weeks? Maybe.” She took a sip of water and swished it around her mouth before spitting it on the ground. “I didn’t know until yesterday. I honestly thought I was sick.” “The new guy?” She’d been weird when she mentioned him at the tank that first night we were back, but the baby couldn’t have been why if she’d just found out. “Unfortunately, I don’t know.” She sighed and pushed her plate away. My eyes went wide and she nodded. “Yeah. So the breakup with the surgeon and the meeting of the new guy all happened in like a ten-day span. Now, I get to go home and tell the guy I like that either he or the guy I hate, knocked me up.” She pointed at herself. “See? Opposite of perfect right here.” “You had sex with a guy that you hate? What
the hell for?” She winced. “I only started to hate him after I found him banging this hot new plastics surgeon. I mean, I’d already started to dislike him before he cheated on me, but that really pushed me over the edge.” “Landry. Fuck.” I reached across the table and took her hand in mine. “What about the new guy?” “It’s new.” She laughed a little under her breath. “He’s pretty great, but this is a lot to take in at the beginning of a relationship.” “I’m here for you, okay? Whatever you need, I’m here. I can come help you after the baby is born. I can do birthing classes, I can—” “Thank you.” She squeezed my hand. “You’re a good man, you know that?” We sat together in comfortable silence for a few minutes. I kept eating and Landry nibbled on a dry bagel and slowly drank water. Pregnant. My sister was pregnant. Just thinking the word made the memories come flooding back. Halen’s face when she told me about the baby, Halen’s face when she told me we’d lost it. “Hey. You need to be careful when you tell Hales, okay? It’s still so hard on—” “I know, I’ve already thought about that. I’m going to wait until I see my doctor back home. I
was going to maybe invite her out to visit. That way she can cry if she needs to. She can process and hurt and feel whatever she wants to without her parents watching the whole time.” There we go again, hiding the truth. Always hiding our truths from everyone but each other. I swear I used to think we were special, that we were smart and we were clever. But fuck if I wasn’t sure anymore. “You going to tell mom and dad?” “When I’m ready.” She shot me an older sister glare, telling me to keep my mouth shut. I sighed. “Don’t you think that this is part of our problem? We hide everything from the parents, all of us. I’m honestly starting to think that the secrets we keep aren’t healthy.” “Didn’t seem to bother you when it was your secrets we were keeping. When we were all busting our asses to cover for you and Halen.” She took another small sip of water, watching me over the rim of her glass. “That’s not fair.” She raised an eyebrow. “Really? What’s not fair about it? You weren’t ready to tell them. You were scared of their reaction. It’s the same with the rest of us. Me, Cash, Crue, Avory, Evie. We’re all right where you used to be. Afraid to disappoint the
people we love, afraid to be less than in any of their eyes.” “But look what that did, look what happened to me and Hales. If we’d been honest from the beginning, maybe we wouldn’t have spent two years apart. Maybe I’d have never hurt her, hurt myself.” I knew I was right. I knew that all the lies weren’t healthy and they were all going to blow up in our faces one day. “It doesn’t matter, Beau. These aren’t your truths to tell. It’s not your job to save us. It’s not your job to determine what’s right for someone else. I mean, isn’t that what actually went wrong between you and Halen? You thought you knew best, when you didn’t.” She reached out and took my hand in hers, trying to ease the sting. “It’s us against the world, bud. That’s the way they raised us to be.” “I don’t think they meant kids against the adults, Landry.” She shrugged. “Well, they should have been more specific.” “You sound like a child.” She stood up and towered over me. “And you sound like a self-righteous brat.” She pointed in my face. “It’s not your place to out any of us. If we…if
they aren’t ready to come clean, then all you can do is stand beside them and help them make it through. Do you hear me? We’re there for each other, no matter what. Just because you—” I closed my eyes as Landry leaned over and started puking again. I got up and slowly walked around the table. When she was done, I handed her a napkin that I’d dipped in her cool water glass. “Come on.” I put my arm around her and she rested her head on my shoulder. “How about a movie before we have to head to the memorial?” She nodded and I kissed her forehead. “I’m here, I’m right here, right beside you.” We went inside and hid in the media room upstairs, making it as dark as possible. We put on some old vampire movie that she said made her happy. I didn’t pay much attention to the awkward couple on the screen, or all the times they almost died. My mind was on everyone else, all my cousins. Halen. I knew that Landry was partly right. It wasn’t my place to out anyone. It wasn’t my place to tell their truths. As far as my own? I needed to talk to the person who shared them with me.
Chapter Twenty-One Halen I woke up to the sun shining in through my large window, the curtains still moved back and out of the way from Beau leaving last night. I stretched my arms over my head, smiling despite some of my lingering reservations. I did still love him, and I was glad I’d told him, especially after he’d been so completely honest with me. But I couldn’t deny that I was still scared, still wary when it came to a future with Beau. I also couldn’t deny that I wanted one. “Hey, sleepy head.” Avory stuck her head inside my door, a huge grin on her face. I looked over at the clock beside my bed. “It’s only eight-thirty. What are you even doing up?” She lowered her voice. “Crue just left.” She
came in my room and plopped down on my bed. “Can I ask you something?” I sighed, pulling the covers up under my chin. “Always.” She lay down next to me, turning on her side. “What happened between you and Beau? I know you dated, I know he left. But why? Was it the parents?” She wore a worried expression. I bit my lips, trying to decide what I should share with my younger sister. She didn’t know about what we went through two years ago, and a big part of me wanted to keep her in the dark. Keep that pain away from her. But another part of me wanted to be honest. Wanted to warn her about how terribly things could go wrong. “We were together for almost a year before I got pregnant.” Her eyes went wide at my admission, but she didn’t interrupt. “We were in love. We were planning on moving off the compound and getting our own place. I’d applied to graduate early.” I rested my hand over my stomach under the covers and out of her eyesight. “I had a miscarriage at eleven weeks. Beau left seven days later.” Her eyes narrowed. “He left you after you lost the baby?”
“He did.” I sent her a sad smile. “He thought he was doing what was best for me. He thought he was too old for me and that I’d live a happier, fuller life without him. That he had dragged me down. Plus, he thought lying to our parents was wrong.” “But you didn’t live a happier life without him.” I shook my head. “No, I didn’t. I couldn’t seem to get over him. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It took me a long time to let go of Beau and what we’d lost.” “And then he came home.” “And then he came home.” I rested my hands under my chin. “Seeing him was hard. It brought back a lot of memories I’d wanted to stay buried.” “Do you still love him?” “Very much.” I gave her a half smile. “But love is never the problem, is it? Loving someone doesn’t take much thought, much effort. It’s as easy as breathing when it’s the right person. It’s everything else that causes problems. Your family, your expectations, your ego, your sense of right and wrong.” “I love Crue.” “I know you do.” And I did. As much as I wanted to write them off as lust-driven teenagers because it would be easier to stomach, I knew she
loved him. Crue was wild and free and uninhibited. He wanted her so fiercely, like he could never get his fill. I wasn’t sure why she’d come in here, why she’d asked about Beau and me. I didn’t know what answers she was expecting or what she needed to hear. She got up and announced, “I’m going to go take a shower.” And I guess she wasn’t ready to share. “I’m here, Avory. If you ever need to talk or…I’m here.” She nodded as she pulled the door closed. I wanted more for my sister. I wanted her to have a happily ever after without all the sad parts in between. If Crue was her future, then I wished them the best and I’d do anything in my power to help them make it. I picked up my phone from my nightstand. I had a text from Cash. Cash: You good? I couldn’t help but smile. He was such a noble guy. He deserved someone as wonderful as him, as kind, as compassionate. I prayed that one day he would find her. Me: I’m good. Want to meet up early and have a cocktail before the memorial? Our parents didn’t condone underage drinking on a regular basis. Uncle Smith and Aunt Dilly
didn’t condone it ever. But most of us did it anyway, especially when we were together like this. Cash: Hell yeah. And you better dress accordingly. I snorted at his response. We’d all known exactly what Uncle Smith had meant last night. We each had a small section in our closets that consisted of dresses and shoes that cost more than most people’s mortgages. None of us wore that stuff often; we were more of a jeans and t-shirt type of family. I got up and headed into my large walk-in closet and went all the way to the back. I pulled out a custom dress made from a vintage Rolling Stones album cover. It was short, hitting the middle of my thighs. I grabbed a pair of black, knee-high Louboutin boots, and a handful of long necklaces from a dish on my dresser. My whole outfit probably cost close to a small car, which was ridiculous considering that the jeans I’d had on yesterday came from Hollister. Normally, my parents would never let me leave the house in something so short, something so revealing. But this was what the press would want to see and this was the image that we showed when we were out as a family. And none of us had ever bothered to ask why.
*** Around two that afternoon, the whole crew had started to gather at the pool house. Avory was wearing sky-high black booties with a tiny leather skirt, carrying a vintage Alexander McQueen skull clutch. Crue was at her side, looking the part as well, a scarf hanging out of the back pocket of his black skinny jeans. Cash came up and handed me a chilled glass of Prosecco as his twin topped off his Coke with some Crown from an engraved silver flask. The ‘rents wanted rocker-chic wild child? They were getting it today. Everyone was here except for Beau and Landry. My stomach was in knots at the thought of seeing him again. Last night, we’d said so much. Admitted deeply held feelings to each other. We’d taken a huge step in the direction of reconciling. And I was nervous. “Holy fuck, Sweets.” I bit my cheek to hide my smile when I heard Beau come up behind me. He put his on hand on my hip and his mouth to my ear as I tried not to shiver. “You look so damn good.” I turned, looking him up and down playfully. “So do you.” And he did. Tight black jeans and a
ripped white t-shirt partially covered by a leather bomber jacket that probably cost more than his dad’s first car. He licked his lips, staring at my bare thighs. “I’m really regretting last night.” I choked on the sip of wine I’d just taken. What? He must have seen the instant hurt on my face because his eyes got big. “No, Hales. No. Not like that.” He leaned forward again, his hand automatically going back to my hip. “I mean I regret leaving last night. You look so fucking sexy right now. All I want to do is —” “Okay, everyone, the cars will be here any minute.” My dad spoke loudly, getting the room’s attention and cutting off whatever Beau had been about to say. “We have two limos, so we’ll split up.” Crue downed the rest of his drink in a way that made it obvious it contained alcohol. “Can we do kids in one and adults in the other?” My Uncle Luke made a get real face. “Absolutely not.” He held his hand out. “And give me the flask.” Crue rolled his eyes but did what he was told. I was almost positive that Cash had an identical one shoved in the pocket of his black, studded blazer.
Beau spoke quietly next to me. “All I meant was, you look edible. I didn’t mean to scare you. Last night was—” “Okay, we’ll have the Conner and Matthews families in the first limo, the Cole and James families in the second.” Again, Beau was interrupted by a dad, this time his own. “Once we get downtown, it’s going to be utter chaos. The media is all over this memorial. We’ve gotten a big section of the street blocked off, but long-lens cameras are going to be trained on us entering and exiting the venue.” “Not to mention the members of the press we’ve allowed to attend.” Uncle Smith spoke up. He pointed in our direction; all the older kids were standing off to one side. “So, please, don’t do anything that your mothers wouldn’t want to see on YouTube.” My mom stepped forward, taking my dad’s hand, clasping their fingers together. “Your fathers will all speak briefly about Jared and then they’ll play a short set. While all this is happening, we want you kids where we can see you. After all that is done, you can scatter, but you have to stay inside the venue. No wandering around downtown Austin. We want to get everyone back to the compound as
soon as possible.” Our parents hated us being in the public spotlight, and they avoided it at all costs. We lived a simple life here on the compound. We went to a small progressive school with kids we’d known since kindergarten. There was the occasional asshole that would post pictures or give us a hard time. But for the most part, we were just normal kids. Until moments like this. Award shows, charity events, reunion gigs, press releases. We called them “rock and roll moments” growing up. “I guess I’ll see you when we get there?” Beau’s fingers squeezed my hip, pulling my attention away from my mom. I nodded. “Yeah, see you there.” I piled in the car behind my sisters, sitting between Jett and Cash along the long wall. Crue somehow ended up sitting across from Avory and he kept staring at her exposed legs, a wicked gleam in his eye. I snorted. “Subtle.” “You have room to talk? Beau couldn’t keep his hands off of you in there.” Cash nudged me with his shoulder, a concerned look on his face. “You want to tell me what all that was about?” I spoke out of the side of my mouth. “Now’s not really the place.”
He mimicked me. “No one is listening to us, and the parents are all the way in the back.” “He came over last night and we talked. Then we kissed.” I winced when Cash’s eye got wide. “I know. I know, okay? But I still love him. So much.” His expression softened. “Hales. I don’t want to see you get hurt. When he left—” “He broke me. And he made a mistake, a mistake that he has apologized for over and over. He hates that he left.” “Be careful, okay? Don’t let him in all at once. Make him earn it, Hales. He has a lot to make up for. He has years of making up in his future. Right?” Before I could say anything else, Crue kicked Cash in the shin, getting his attention. He made the universal drink gesture with his hand—also not very subtle. Cash rolled his eyes but dug the flask I knew he had out of the inside breast pocket of his jacket then unscrewed the cap. Marley suddenly leaned forward, gesturing wildly out the back window. “Oh wow, did y’all see that?” All adult heads whipped around to look where she was pointing while Cash quickly poured a healthy dose of Crown into Crue’s waiting cup. “See what?” Jett played along, sitting taller to
block what his older brothers were doing, like he was trying to see something he knew wasn’t there. “I just saw two cows getting it on.” Marley shrugged and sat back in her seat. “Too bad y’all missed it.”
Chapter Twenty-Two Beau The limo ride into downtown Austin had been pretty silent. Emmie was just a quiet kid, and Evie was probably contemplating the mess her life had become. And Landry? Thinking about the baby she was carrying. My dad and Uncle Smith had been pretty stoic as well, which was normal for Uncle Smith but not for my dad. I assumed they were sad; maybe they were remembering the old days. When they’d first formed the Devil’s Share, Jared had been front and center. And now he was gone, and that had to hurt. “We’ll exit by family,” Uncle Smith instructed. “Mine first, and then the Coles.” The limo came to a stop and all at once about fifty cameras turned in our direction. There was a plush black carpet
running from the curb into the small dive bar the dads had chosen for the memorial. “Stay close together. Beau, hold onto your sister.” All us kids thought our parents overreacted about things like this. What was a photographer going to do? Kidnap one of us in broad daylight? But the cameras and strangers always tended to make the adults antsy. We’d learned to deal with it. I watched as Uncle Smith climbed out, holding his hand down to help my Aunt Dilly to her feet. Then he stayed right by the door, making sure both his daughters got out safely. He walked behind all three of his girls, his shoulders tense the whole time. I could hear reporters shouting at him, but I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. “Beau.” I turned to my dad when I heard him call my name. “They are going to ask you how you feel about your father’s death.” I narrowed my eyes. “Why? He wasn’t my father and I haven’t seen him in years.” Maybe when I was younger I remembered Jared, maybe there was even a time when I missed him. But that was so long ago. “They just will, bud. They feed on the drama, the family web.” He sent me a sad smile. “Don’t
engage with them, you hear me?” When I nodded, he exited the car, helping my mom to her feet. I got out next, helping Landry out too. My dad held his arm out for her and he tucked both my mom and my big sister against his side. I started to trail behind them, but then I saw Halen step out onto the black carpet. Uncle Dash had four girls that he needed to worry about, so I headed over to help them. I took Halen’s hand and wrapped it around my arm. “Come on, Sweets.” She rested her cheek on my arm. “Thanks.” “Beau, how do you feel about your father’s death? When’s the last time you spoke with him? Did he make amends with you?” I kept my head down, walking us quickly into the safety of the venue. How did I feel about my father’s death? I didn’t feel anything. My father was still alive. When was the last time I spoke to Jared? Five years ago, maybe? Did he make amends? Well, he served jail time for attempted murder, and he signed his rights away to be my parent. So. I mean, I guess. Maybe? But I couldn’t say any of that. Our parents would be pissed if we talked to the press. We bypassed everyone, our parents herding us into a corner with two giant round tables set up.
The parents sat at one with Marley and Emmie, and the rest of us older kids took the other. The bar was darkly lit, even though it was bright and sunny outside. There were white tablecloths and candles everywhere. The giant bar was stocked to the brim, three bartenders working frantically. And there were waiters walking around, passing out small plates of food. The place was packed. I reached down and rested my hand on Halen’s thigh under the table. “You good?” She nodded, pulling her bottom lip through her teeth and glancing around the room. “I hate that they quarantine us away when we come to things like this.” I did too. I knew they wanted to keep us safe, but we were all growing up. Landry was a surgeon with a baby on the way. I had been living on my own for two years now, and Halen and Evie were in college. It was almost comical to some degree. They needed to loosen the reins when we were out in public, and tighten them back at the compound. We all watched silently as our fathers took turns speaking about Jared, paying tribute to one of the founding members of the Devil’s Share. They shared funny stories, and they talked about his recovery. But for the most part, which didn’t
surprise me, they kept us kids out of it. They didn’t mention that he was my bio father, or that he’d tried to kill Aunt Lexi while she was pregnant with Halen. They kept it brief and light. “I need a damn drink.” Crue leaned back in his chair as our fathers warmed up on stage. Cash pulled the flask out of his pocket and slid it across the table. “Stop whining.” “It’s stupid that we have to sit here with our hands in our laps like we’re a bunch of toddlers. I mean we’ve grown up around a lot of these people. Why can’t we go talk to them? They sequester us like we’re the dang Papal Conclave.” Landry’s eyebrows shot to her hairline. “You know what the Papal Conclave is? Color me shocked.” “You and me both.” Evie reached under the table, digging around for a bit before Crue yelped and she sat up straight, bringing the flask to her lips. He scowled. “You could have just asked.” “And you could have just offered.” She smiled sweetly at him. “Also, what you two are doing under the table?” She pointed her finger, waving it between Crue and Avory. “Not okay.” “What are they—?” When Jett lifted the tablecloth and started to
stick his head under there, Cash grabbed him by the back of the shirt and held him in place. “Nope.” Through all this, Halen was sitting silently beside me, just taking it in. I put my arm along the back of her chair. “You want me to go find you some wine?” When she turned to answer me, her face was so close to mine I could’ve easily moved a fraction of an inch to kiss her. My heart rate sped up, my pulse pounding in my ears. I wanted her. She looked so damn sexy in her short dress and tall boots. “I, uh, I think…” “Family has always, and will always be the most important thing in our lives.” Uncle Dash addressed the room, back in his element behind the mic. “The Devil’s Share, we are a family. Not by blood, but by heart. Jared went through his ups, and a fuckload of downs. But in the end, he was clean and he was sober. Best of all, he was making amends. Jared helped found this band, and he will live on in the life he created, and the music he made.” His eyes found mine, and even though I didn’t care about Jared, my chest swelled with emotion. It was in that moment that I realized my bio father was dead. And even though I’d tried to deny it, tried to push it away, there was something
to mourn in that. “We thank you all for being here, for celebrating Jared.” As our fathers began to play one of their oldest songs, one Jared had helped them write, Halen reached under the table and put her hand in mine. I turned, meeting her eyes and holding her gaze. Suddenly, I didn’t care who was watching. I didn’t care what our parents would say if they saw. Because despite everything I’d put her through, Halen was still here, holding my hand when she knew I needed her most. “I love you, Sweets.” Her smile went from sad to soft. “I love you too, Beau.” I put my hand on her cheek, wrapping my fingers around to the back of her head, and pulled her toward me. I did it slowly, gently, giving her plenty of time to stop me. But she didn’t, and seconds later, her soft, perfect lips touched mine. Our kiss was brief, but it spoke volumes.
Chapter Twenty-Three Halen We’d been back home for about thirty minutes. We’d all changed out of our rocker-chic duds and were dressed in yoga pants, t-shirts and sweats. My hair was piled on top of my head and Avory had scrubbed all the makeup from her face. The limo ride home had been silent. Our fathers were exhausted from playing for an hour straight, and from the emotions they’d shared with the crowd. But now everyone had a drink in hand and we had a catered dinner spread before us on the pool house deck. Beau came up behind me, his mouth discretely by my ear. “You look just as beautiful now as you did at the memorial. No matter what you wear, Sweets, you still look fucking edible.”
I bit at my lip to keep my smile small. My father was standing five feet away and he had just turned in my direction. “Meet me at the tree house tonight?” My skin broke out in goosebumps as Beau whispered against my neck. “We need to talk. I want to come clean to our parents. No more lies. No more secrets. I want you. I want a life with you, a future.” I spun around, meeting his soft gaze. “You want to tell them everything?” I didn’t know if I was ready for that. I didn’t know if I’d ever be ready for that. Didn’t Beau know the meaning of the words “baby steps?” “We tell them as much or as little as you want, Sweets. But we do need to tell them. There are so many secrets floating around this compound…I’m ready to get one of them gone.” I nodded silently and he walked away. I guess we did have a lot that we needed to talk about. But more than anything I wanted to be alone with him. I wanted him to kiss me, to hold me, to let me know that everything was going to be okay. To tell me that he wanted me, and only me, for the rest of his life. That he’d never leave again. Never. “Okay guys, let’s eat. It’s been a long day for everyone.” My mom held her arm out, gesturing for
us to get in line and fill our plates. We sat, the older kids at one end of the table, the younger ones separating us from our parents. Beau sat across from me, his phone in his hands. I couldn’t hide my smile when I felt my cell vibrate in my pocket. Beau: I couldn’t sit next to you. I wouldn’t have been able to keep my hands to myself. Me: Who said I wanted you to keep those hands to yourself? I watched, biting my lip when I saw the sexy smirk spread over his handsome face. He looked up and met my eyes, shaking his head slowly. I laughed and put my phone facedown on the table. I couldn’t wait for this dinner to be over. I couldn’t wait to be alone with Beau. Forgiving him was never in my plans; survival had been the only thing on my mind when I’d heard he was coming home. He’d hurt me; he’d destroyed me. But he hadn’t done it to be cruel or to be selfish. I believed him when he said that everything he did was for me. And I believed him when he said he was sorry, that he was wrong. I knew that things wouldn’t be easy. I knew that there was a lot we’d still need to get through. Our parents, for one. I had no idea how they would
handle the two of us being together. They raised us like brother and sister, but I’d never seen Beau that way. I’d fallen in love with him when I was five years old, and I’d never fallen out of it. Even when he’d left, as hard as I tried, I couldn’t hate him. My phone vibrated loudly on the table, the noise making everyone look at me. I picked it up, my cheeks heating. Beau: Touching you is all I can think about, Sweets. Sitting across from you is making my pulse race. I met his eyes, blushing deeply at the fire I saw in them. His breathing was shallow, his lips parted. He grabbed his camera and snapped a pic. He saw what I knew was there and he wanted to capture the heat on my face, the lust in my eyes. Tonight couldn’t come soon enough.
Chapter Twenty-Four Beau I barely made it through fucking dinner. Halen looked so good sitting across from me—so damn innocent. I knew she wasn’t. I’d defiled her years ago. But the blush on her cheeks and the smile flirting on her lips had me on edge for forty-five minutes straight. And now, sitting with my dad and Uncle Smith? Absolute fucking torture. “Are you sure you’re okay, bud? You seem a little agitated.” My dad was watching me over the rim of his whiskey glass, concern in his eyes. “I saw you kind of tear up today at the memorial.” Was that all he’d seen? Because after that I’d kissed Halen. It wasn’t a sexual kiss; it was kiss that spoke of love, affection and understanding. It was possible that if he had seen it, he thought it was
nothing. “It didn’t really hit me until that moment that Jared was dead. He’s not my father. He’s not even a friend. But, he is gone. And…” “I know, bud.” My dad reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. “How long are you staying in town?” My Uncle Smith caught me checking my watch, and his eyes met mine when I looked up. As long as Halen wants me here. Forever. Until we get caught and you guys flip shit. Those were the first answers that went through my mind. “At least until after my show downtown.” That was acceptable. That answer wouldn’t shock anyone, wouldn’t raise any suspicions. Neither one said anything; they both nodded their heads. I took a picture of their drinks sweating on the table, their tattooed arms a blur in the background. “It’s been a really long day. I think I’m going to head to bed.” I stood, setting my drink on the glass coffee table and letting my camera hang around my neck. We were still down at the pool house. “I’ll come with you.” My dad went to stand, but I put my hand out to stop him. “You still have a full three fingers of that expensive whiskey left. You stay and finish. I’ll see
you in the morning.” He relaxed back into the armchair. “Okay, bud. Good night.” I glanced over at my Uncle Smith with what I hoped was an unassuming smile on my face. “’Night.” He nodded his head. He wasn’t a man of many words, and that head nod was actually a really sweet endearment. You just had to know him. As soon as I was out of their eyesight I pulled my cell from my pocket, texting Halen without slowing my stride. Me: Headed to the tree house. Halen: Already here. I took off in a dead sprint. Completely out of breath and panting once I reached the majestic old oak tree, I put my hand on the rough bark, bending at the waist and trying like hell to gain some composure. “Did you run over here?” I looked up, a smile breaking over my face. Halen was gazing down at me, humor dancing in her gorgeous eyes. “I may have.” She giggled. “Then what are you waiting for?” She moved out of the way so that I could climb up the ladder. She’d made us a pallet, using what appeared to
be every single blanket from her house. The only light in the room was from the full moon outside. The whole moment felt surreal, magical. Halen was sitting in the middle of the fluffy makeshift bed, wearing only a thin white slip. She looked like an angel with her hair loose down her back. My heart stuttered in my chest. “You’re so fucking perfect, Sweets.” I crawled over her, pushing her body down into the pillows. “There was not one minute while I was gone, not one second, that I didn’t miss you. That I didn’t long to hold you, to see your face.” She smiled up at me, unshed tears shining in her eyes. “I missed you too.” I hung my head. “I’m so sorry, Hales. I’ll never be able to apologize—” “No.” She put her finger to my lips. “No more apologies, okay? We move forward, no looking back.” “I don’t deserve your—” “I said no, Beau. I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives together dwelling on the past.” She reached out and placed a sweet, chaste kiss on my lips. “I want a future.” “I want your heart, Sweets. Is it mine?” I’d told her last night that I didn’t just want her body. And
as sexy as she looked sprawled out underneath me, I’d walk away if her heart wasn’t mine. She took a deep breath, holding it in while her eyes searched mine. “It’s yours. Every part of me belongs to you. It’s always belonged to only you.” My heart swelled in my chest. I didn’t deserve her forgiveness; we both knew it. But I wouldn’t waste this second chance. I would cherish her for the rest of my life. “You have no idea how happy that makes me, Hales.” She wrapped her arms around my neck. “Show me.” I dipped down, capturing her lips, invading her mouth with my tongue. I wanted to devour her. I wanted to use my body to erase any and all lingering hurt I’d caused. I wanted to replace all her sadness with pleasure. I wanted to love her until she forgot that I’d ever left. I pinned her arms above her head, intertwining her fingers with mine. My hard length was pressed against her core, and she was arching against me, impatient. I moved against her, amping up her desire, her need. Before long she was moaning, a sweet begging sound filling the tree house. “Please, Beau. I need more.” “I got you, baby. I know what you need.” I
slipped my hand into her white panties, moving through her slick folds with ease. I pressed my thumb against her clit and used two fingers to pump into her entrance. She threw her head back, her lower lip between her teeth. “Beau. Please…I…” I nuzzled her neck, nipping and sucking my way to her ear. “Tell me you’re mine.” “I’m yours. I’ve only ever been yours.” I bit down lightly on her earlobe. “Grab the condom from my pocket.” I’d had to borrow one from Crue. I hadn’t been lying when I said I hadn’t sown any wild oats, not a one. The last girl I’d touched had been Halen. “Don’t need it. On the—fuck—on the pill now.” Her neck was still arched, her thighs shaking around my wrist. She was dripping wet, her desire so damn apparent. She could barely form her sentence and it stroked the hell out of my ego. Halen reached down between us, unbuttoned my pants, and palmed my throbbing cock. It twitched in excitement. I hissed out a breath when she started to tug lightly on the head, pulling me toward her. “Look at me, Sweets.” I waited until her eyes were on mine, and then I
entered her in one smooth motion. I stilled, trying to slow my pounding heart, trying to gain some composure. She felt so fucking perfect wrapped around me. So tight. So warm. I pulled out slightly then surged back in. It had been too long; she felt too good. I’d never last. I used my thumb to press on her swollen clit. “Fuck, baby, fuck, I missed this.” I nipped at her neck, encouraging her to be loud, letting her cries of pleasure fill the air around us. “Nothing has ever felt as good as your pussy wrapped around my dick.” She dug her nails into my bare back, my words spurring her on. “Don’t stop.” “You’ll be lucky if I ever let you out of this tree house, Sweets. I never want to leave your body.” She started to laugh, but I slammed into her again, hard. Her laughter turned into a long, loud moan. “That’s it, baby, come for me. Let me hear you scream my name.” “Beau. Don’t stop, just like that.” She was panting, meeting my every thrust. “Come for me, baby.” I had every muscle tightened, and I was doing everything I could to hold on, to wait for her to finish first. “Beau.” She tensed under me, crying out my
name as she milked my dick. She pulled me right over the edge with her, and I couldn’t hold out any longer. She felt so fucking good. I spilled inside her, my own moan just as loud as my name had been on her lips. When we came down, I didn’t leave her body. I rolled us over so that she was on top. I pushed her wild hair away from her beautiful, flushed face. “You okay?” She smiled, her eyes still hooded. “More than okay.” “I love you, Halen. I love you so damn much.”
Chapter Twenty-Five Halen I’d fallen asleep a few minutes after Beau had declared his love for me. Again. I laid my head on his chest and drifted off to the sound of his heartbeat. But I’d woken up a few minutes ago when I’d heard the click of his camera. “You ready for round two?” He sat the camera to the side. “Almost.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “But right now I’m just enjoying the feel of you here in my arms. The way you smell, the sound of you breathing.” He sucked my index finger into his mouth. “The way you taste.” I tapped the fingers of my free hand on his chest, mimicking the sound of his heart. “I missed this sound.” I didn’t want to dwell on the past, on
the fact that I had to miss him at all. “Hey, earlier at dinner you said we needed to talk. About telling our parents the truth?” For a moment I’d thought he’d changed his mind about me, about us. But then I’d looked at him, saw the love in his eyes. The lust. And I’d known that I had nothing to fear. Not anymore, not when it came to him. He rolled to the side, taking me with him. “I’ve been thinking a lot since I’ve been home, about all the lies we’ve told. We kept our relationship secret. We kept the pregnancy and the miscarriage…” He kissed the side of my head, like he wanted to take the hurt of the memory away. “I feel like those lies are weighing me down.” “Are you saying you want to tell them everything?” My mouth went dry at the thought. Telling my parents about what we’d gone through was something I’d never wanted to do. But I couldn’t deny that Beau had a point—that the lies were like a thorn in our sides. “Yes.” He propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at me. “But they are our truths to tell, Hales. And if you don’t want to tell them, then we won’t.” I buried my head into his chest. “Can I think about it? Do I have to decide right now?” We were
starting over, Beau and I. Deep down I knew that we needed to come clean. We needed to get everything out there so that we could begin again with no fear. He smoothed my hair back. “Of course not. Take all the time you need.” I lay there for a few minutes, being in the moment. Letting him hold me. Reveling in the fact that he was here and I was in his arms. But my brain wouldn’t shut off. It was going a mile a minute at the thought of coming clean to our parents. “What brought this on? Wanting to tell them. Do you think we need to? In order to have a future?” He was quiet for a few seconds, his voice soft when he finally answered, “We’ll have a future regardless if we tell them or not. I love you, Sweets, and I’m never letting you go. I won’t leave, not ever again.” He kissed my bare shoulder. “I think that this family has a lot of secrets. And I think secrets have a way of festering.” “This family? You mean like Crue and Avory?” I guess those two lying to our parents was similar to what Beau and I had done. But that meant I also knew they had their reasons. “I’m not going to tattle on my sister. I won’t do that to them.”
Beau snorted. “I’m not saying we need to narc on anyone, Sweets.” He sighed. “I just think that secrets cause problems. Maybe if our parents had known what we were going through, how we felt for each other…” “Then you’d have never left.” Was that the truth? Would he have stayed if we could have gone through our loss openly, and as a family? “Maybe.” He fell back and laid flat against the mattress, bringing me with him. “There is no real way to know that.” “What other secrets, Beau? What aren’t you telling me?” I’d known Beau my whole life; I knew that there had to be more to it. It couldn’t just be our lives that had caused him to feel this way. We’d shouldered those things for so long. Maybe he was holding onto new ones, secrets for other people. Maybe it was actually the combined weight that was hurting him. “Cash and Crue, they’re still lying and switching places. Evie is partying nonstop in Dallas, taking Adderall to keep up with her new rock-star life. And we both know that there is something up with Jett and Marley. Those two sneak out all the time, but they never leave the compound?” He shook his head. “They’re doing something they don’t want us
to know about.” “And Landry too.” He pulled back, searching my eyes. “What do you mean? What about Landry?” “The new guy she’s seeing? It’s weird that she won’t tell us who he is, right? She’s never had a problem sharing before.” He nodded. “Yeah.” So I was right. It wasn’t just our past that was making him have panic attacks at the dinner table. Since he’d been home, the family had piled all their troubles at his feet. “Maybe you’ve been gone too long, you know? Maybe you’ve forgotten what it’s like here, life on the compound. Us against the world.” He let out a soft sigh. “I think that being gone, and then coming home, gave me a different perspective. I think that for the first time, I can see this place clearly. It is us against the world, Sweets. But maybe that’s not such a good thing after all. Cash and Crue are going to get caught, and they could get into a lot of trouble. And not only with our parents. Evie? She basically has a speed addiction, whether it comes from a prescription pad or a drug dealer on the corner. She needs help.” “We keep each other’s secrets, Beau.” Was he
suggesting that we tell on everyone? We’ve never done that, not even when we were little kids. We never tattled. “You and Landry were the ones that taught us this. You told us all that you didn’t rat out family. That we could always take care of things ourselves.” And we had. Always. Crue had accidentally set fire to a broom in the large shed outside the pool house. We’d been playing Wizard of Oz. Beau had put it out and then we all had helped repaint. Landry had wrecked her car, and she had been out past curfew when she called Beau. I’d snuck out and gone with him. She told the parents she left it at a party because she was blocked in. The three of us had pulled our money together and got her car fixed and back to the compound before the parents could suspect a thing. “We stick together.” He looked down at me, his eyes sad. “I think that somewhere along the way, we’ve crossed the line. We aren’t kids anymore, and the secrets we’re all keeping? They could ruin lives.”
Chapter Twenty-Six Beau Halen and I had stayed on the floor of the tree house until the sun had started to come up. We talked and laughed and made love, over and over. My heart was full, and I couldn’t stop smiling. “Why are you grinning like that? You look like one of the seven dwarfs.” Jett tossed a strawberry at me, hitting me square in the forehead. “Jett. Don’t throw food.” My Aunt Dilly sent him a motherly glare from the other end of the long table. I looked across from me, winking at Halen. She knew why I was grinning; she’d put this smile on my face. Like last night, sitting across from her at the large family table was torture. I wanted to hold her hand. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to eat food
off her plate. I wanted to be a normal couple. “You’re pregnant?” I whipped my head to the right, breaking eye contact with Halen and turning toward the whisperyell. Pregnant? “For fuck’s sake, Avory. Keep your voice down, please.” Landry was all but pleading with Halen’s younger sister, a look of pure desperation in Landry’s eyes. “What the hell is going on down there?” Halen whispered across Cash, drawing Landry’s attention. Halen glanced at me and then turned her attention back to Landry. Halen had heard Avory, as did all the other cousins at our end of the table. I wanted to get Halen out of there. I wanted to tell my sister to keep her mouth shut. This wasn’t the way that Halen needed to find out. “Landry, don’t —” “Hales, I was going to tell you, I swear, but—” I looked over at Halen and watched as all the blood drained from her face. I was too late. “You were going to tell her what?” Crue was sitting across from Landry, next to me. “What are you guys talking about? Why does everyone keep looking at Halen like she’d going to shatter or something?”
“Crue. Shut the fuck up.” Cash heaved a sigh and then wrapped his arm around Halen’s shoulders. “Are you okay?” I should be the one holding her. I should be the one comforting her, not him. She was mine. Landry reached across Cash and grabbed Halen’s hand. “I only found out a couple nights ago. No one knows. I’m not ready to tell my parents. I haven’t even seen a doctor or told the father. I am so sorry, Hales. I know this hurts. I know this brings up some stuff for you guys. But please, please, try to calm down. I can’t tell them yet. I can’t.” She wiped at a tear that had fallen slowly down her face. “Sweets.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat at seeing my sister so scared and my girl so broken. “We just need to make it through breakfast, okay? We make it through breakfast and then we can leave. We’ll take my bike. We can cry and we can remember and I can hold you all fucking day. Okay?” She nodded. I knew she was trying really hard not to let her tears flow like Landry’s were on the verge of doing. “Why the hell is everyone acting like Halen is going to lose it? She’s not the one that’s pregnant.”
Evie was looking around the table like we’d all lost our minds. I guess the twins never told her about what happened two years ago. “Someone’s pregnant? What the hell is going on?” We all went silent at the sound of Uncle Dash’s booming voice, our heads slowly turning in his direction. All parental eyes were on us now. Crue and Cash exchanged a look, but neither of them said a word. Avory had her eyes trained on her lap, refusing to meet her father’s scrutiny. Evie was basically vibrating in her seat. Marley and Jett looked uncomfortable, and Emmie seemed confused. We all had secrets from our parents, every single one of us. Aunt Lexi shook her head, her eyes on fire with pissed-off-mom glare. “Look. You guys have been whispering for days, stopping conversations as soon as a parent walks into the room. Start talking. NOW.” Still, no one said a word. We were in a stalemate. And all I wanted to do was yank Halen into my arms from across the table. We’d lost a child, and nothing would ever erase that hurt. Nothing. Her finding out about Landry like this, it was cruel. When I saw a tear finally escape, something inside me snapped. “Fuck it.” I got up
and walked around the table, gathering Halen in my arms. She sagged against me, the pain of our loss made new again. “Does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on?” My dad stood up from his spot at the table, meeting my eyes over the top of Halen’s head. She pulled away and looked over at my sister. Landry gave a slight shake of her head, begging us to keep her secret. “Me.” The gorgeous girl in my arms squared her shoulders. “Well, I was pregnant.” “We.” I stood tall, keeping my arm around Halen. “We were pregnant.” She’d made the choice to help my sister. She’d made the choice to share our truth. And I’d be damned if I let her do it alone. “What?” My Aunt Lexi got to her feet beside my Uncle Dash. “You two? You, uh, what?” “Hales, you don’t have—” “This is a fresh start, right?” Halen cut off Landry then took a deep breath and peered into my eyes. “It’s you and me, and nothing else matters?” I nodded and she turned back to her parents and our aunts and uncles. “Then I want it all gone. All the secrets, all the blame.” I kissed the side of her head. “I’m right here with you, Sweets. For the rest of forever.”
We both turned and faced our parents, head on. “Right after I turned seventeen, I found out I was pregnant. I knew that Beau would freak out, but I was happy. We were so careful, we never meant for it to happen, but it did. And I refused to think of it as anything but a blessing.” Her voice cracked, causing a tear to slide down my cheek. “I’ll never forget the expression on Beau’s face at that first doctor’s appointment. It was like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. In awe of this life we created.” The smile left her voice. “A couple days before we were planning on telling you guys, I had a miscarriage.” “Halen, sweetheart.” Her mom looked devastated. She leaned her head against Uncle Dash. “Beau never left my side. He was there, sleeping next to me and holding me while I cried.” Halen closed her eyes, tears raining down her cheeks now. “He left home because he thought it was what was best for me. He wanted me to live every moment, be young and crazy for as long as I could.” She grinned up at me and my heart stuttered in my chest; she was so damn gorgeous. So kind and so strong. “But the thing he forgot to factor in was that life is nothing without each
other.” “For how long?” Halen’s mother was still studying us, sadness dimming her green eyes. Eyes that were so similar to her daughter’s. “How long were you and Beau together without us knowing?” “Since I was sixteen.” Halen’s voice was clear, steady. She was ready to tell the truth, ready to start over fresh with no lies between any of us. Just like Crue and Avory would be one day. Uncle Dash’s gaze was hard, unforgiving. “You snuck around behind our backs for over a year?” “We did. And that was wrong.” I stood tall next to Halen with her hand in mine. “We were afraid of what you guys would say, what you would think. I was afraid you’d hate me, that you’d make me leave. That I was too old. Not good enough.” I let out a quiet chuckle. “Take your pick.” “But you did leave.” My mom looked like she wanted to cry now. “You left for two years, when Hales needed you most. You didn’t come home, not once.” Her accusations were like a dagger to my chest. Uncle Dash addressed his daughter. “Is that why you were so depressed? Why you wouldn’t come out of your room? Why you cried every night?” His questions hammered the knife in deeper,
making it almost hard to breathe. But Halen squeezed my hand, letting me know she was still right there beside me. “When Beau left, he broke my heart.” “Why’d you leave, bud?” Aunt Dilly was studying me, confusion written all over her face. I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I thought that I was doing what was best for Halen.” I looked down at her and I couldn’t help the frown that came over my face. “But I made the wrong choice. Living without Halen was like living without the sun. Once I came home, once I saw her again…I couldn’t stay away. I begged her to forgive me, I begged her for a fresh start.” I brought her hand to my lips, kissing the back of it softly. “And I’m the luckiest guy in the world, because she said yes.” “You dated my underage daughter behind our backs. Got her pregnant? Lied to our faces, and then left her brokenhearted. And now you want us to be okay with you two being together? You honestly expect me to trust you with her heart?” “Uncle Dash, I know—” “It’s Mr. Conner.” Uncle Luke rolled his eyes. “Come on, Dash. Don’t be an asshole. He’s still your nephew. He’s
still the boy you’ve always known and loved.” “No, he’s the boy who knocked up Halen and then shattered her heart because he decided he wanted to go sow some wild oats and—” “I didn’t sow one oat, not one.” I was pleading. “I didn’t leave because I didn’t love Halen.” “Sure the hell sounds like it.” My uncle, Halen’s dad, was looking at me like he wanted to cut off my balls. “She lost your baby.” His voice cracked and my knees threatened to buckle. This was literally my worst fear from two years ago coming true. Why did I ever think coming clean was the right move? Uncle Luke gestured to Uncle Smith. “Will you please talk some sense into Dash? He’s going very pot and kettle on our nephew here.” Uncle Dash turned a shade of red I’d never seen before. “Excuse me? I’m not forgetting that I got my girlfriend pregnant. But I would have never left her, even if we had lost Halen.” Uncle Smith nodded, his arms crossed over his chest. “And we have daughters, you have sons. You’d never understand.” “Hello?” My dad was joining this clusterfuck now. Perfect. “I have one of each and I understand perfectly. They were just kids Dash, they—”
“Halen was a kid.” He pointed to her and then to me. “Beau wasn’t. Fuck, how old was he at that point? Twenty? That’s statutory rape.” Uncle Dash was glaring at me, but speaking to my father. “That’s enough.” Halen’s voice made everyone fall completely silent. “I’ve been in love with Beau since I was old enough to understand the term. Don’t you dare try to twist what we shared and make it something wrong.” She sent her parents a small smile. “I know that you raised us to be close, to be family. But I never thought of Beau like I think of Cash and Crue. Or Jett. I’ve always wanted him in a different way. And I’m sorry if that disappoints you. I’m sorry if that makes you think less of me, of him.” She took my hand in hers, squeezing it tight. “We weren’t reckless, and the baby…” “And that baby was loved.” I picked up where she trailed off, the strength she’d mustered to stand up to her parents seeming to have dissolved a little. “We were young, but we weren’t stupid. We had a plan. We would have been okay.” “Better than okay. We would have been great.” She beamed up at me and my heart skipped a beat. “Beau left, and that hurt. But what I’ve come to realize is that it hurt us both.”
“I don’t deserve her forgiveness. But I’ll work hard, every damn day to earn her love.” I looked my Uncle Dash in the eye. “I’m in love with Halen, and I’ve been in love with her since forever. I fought it, until I couldn’t. I never wanted you to look at me the way you’re looking at me now. I let fear get in the way. But I won’t do it again, not ever. I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven Halen I thought Beau’s speech was fantastic. I really did. I had tears in my eyes and I wanted to jump up and wrap my legs around his trim waist. But my father? Didn’t seem to feel the same. His eyes were still hard, unyielding. “Halen. It’s time to go home.” He was staring daggers at Beau. “Beau is my home.” “Home isn’t a place, it’s people. Right, Aunt Lexi?” Landry looked down the table at my mother. Her face was pale but her voice was solid. My mom closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “These past couple of days have been trying, for all of us. I think we need to take a minute and regroup.” She put her hand on my dad’s
arm. “We don’t want to say things out of anger that we’ll regret tomorrow.” “Your mother is right. Girls, let’s go.” He turned to me. “All of you.” This was it. This was the moment where I drew the line, where I had to choose my path. I didn’t falter, even for a second. “I’m not going home, Dad. I can see in your eyes that you aren’t okay with this. That you are going to try to convince me to end things with Beau. But you can’t change my mind. I just got him back. I’m not letting go.” I bit at my bottom lip. “Unless he can come too, I’m not going with you.” I’d never done anything like this before. I’d drawn a line in the sand against my own father. For a moment I thought he’d give in. Instead he shook his head and walked off. Marley got up and followed him, sending me a mischievous smile on the way. Clearly she was going to her room and out the window the second she got home. Avory stood, her hands shaking. I knew this was all too close to home for her. Would the same thing happen when the family found out about her and Crue? I knew this was what they were both thinking. She didn’t look at me as she left the table; her eyes were on her boyfriend. Crue’s jaw was
clenched and his hands were gripping the edge of his seat. He didn’t want her to leave. Not feeling the way she was right now. I could tell that every fiber in his being was screaming at him to go to her. “We missed school yesterday. And it was cool of you guys to let us skip today too, but I think it’d be best if we went in anyway.” Cash got to his feet, motioning with his head to his twin. Coming to Crue’s rescue, again. “Yeah, come on, Avory, we’ll drive you.” I cocked my head, watching Crue as he spoke to my sister. Did no one else notice it? The rapid pulse in his muscular neck, the desperation in his voice? They were all blind, these parents of ours. Beau thought it was our fault and it was on us for lying, for hiding our truths. But watching this exit unfold I realized he was wrong. “I do have a test today.” Avory looked at my dad, who’d stopped at the edge of the patio. He nodded and I swear Crue visibly relaxed. “Well, then we’ll head in too.” Jett jerked his head at Marley, in the fudging opposite direction of the compound exit. She shrugged and skipped on over to him. “You know, I need to run into town for a few things. I can take Emmie to school on my way if
you guys would like.” Evie smiled down the table at her parents, wiping her mouth gently with her napkin and then placing it next to her plate. “Sure, sweetie, that’d be helpful. Thank you.” My Aunt Dilly nodded, her eyes crinkling as she returned her daughter’s innocent grin. I fought the urge to make gagging noises. Yeah. Beau had it all wrong. *** We were in my mother’s studio. Landry had gone home, her eyes apologetic and tear-filled. All the parents had retreated to their corners and Beau and I had decided that the studio would be a safe place. He needed to get things ready for his gallery opening this weekend anyway. “Well. That was a shit show.” He leaned back in the custom black leather desk chair, his hands behind his head. “But. At least they know and we can move forward without ever having to worry about them finding out. Right?” He was looking at me with love in his eyes, and a small dose of trepidation. He’d wanted to tell the parents everything; I had been the one on the fence. But I’d done it, without thinking, to save Landry.
Us against the world. I perched on the edge of the desk, putting my bare feet beside his legs on the chair. “Right.” “Really?” I knew what he was asking. Did I regret it? Did I hate him for suggesting it? “You were right—our secrets were a weight. If we were going to start over, go public, we needed to tell them.” I pulled my lower lip through my teeth. “But.” “But?” I tilted my head. “But. I think you were wrong about everything being our fault. About us hiding things from them, sneaking around and keeping secrets. Yeah, we lie and yeah we cover for each other.” I threw my hands out. “We’re kids, Beau. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Work like hell to make sure we don’t get in trouble? Shouldn’t at least some of the blame fall on our parents? There are eight adults that live on this fudging compound. Eight.” He chuckled at my exuberance. “Yes. Eight. What’s your point, Sweets?” “How come we never got caught? How come Crue and Avory don’t get caught? How come no one has thought to question why Cash suddenly has a new girl hanging around every other day?” I let
out a humorless laugh. “Did you see Crue at breakfast this morning?” “When Avory got up to leave? Yeah, he looked like he was about to come out of his skin.” “Exactly.” I pointed at him for emphasis. “You saw it, I saw it. But between eight parents, not one of them noticed? At what point do they get to shoulder some of the blame?” He reached up and pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around my lower back as I straddled him. “You’re right.” He kissed my chin. “The other night at dinner, it was like everyone’s lies and problems compounded ours. It was like I suddenly couldn’t breathe. I was buried under the burden of it all. But everything you said just now is the truth. We are the kids. We’re their kids. And they never see it. They never look hard enough, close enough.” “Maybe they don’t want to. Maybe it’s easier on them to think everything is fine and everyone is okay.” I put my hands on his shoulders, suddenly so giddy that he was mine to touch. “Maybe they need to start asking more questions, and we need to stop lying to their faces.” I nodded. “Maybe you’re right.” I pointed to the screen in front of him. There was an image of a
falling-down house, the porch covered in trash. “You should head into town and take some images of an older home, the porch covered in children’s toys.” He jotted that idea down. “Speaking of stupid lies our parents believe, Landry threw up all over the backyard yesterday morning.” He wrinkled his nose. “She blamed it on the dog and no one even blinked an eye.” Landry was pregnant. The reminder was like a small punch to the gut. “Is that when she told you?” “Yeah.” He pulled me in tighter and rested his forehead on my chest. “She wanted to wait to tell you until she knew for sure and you two could be alone. I swear I wasn’t trying to keep things from you. I just knew—” I silenced him with a kiss, then pulled back. “It’s okay. I understand.” I winced. “Who’s the father? Her ex or the new guy?” He mirrored my expressions. “Apparently, it could be either.” “Wow.” “Yeah. She’s feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment.” He sighed. “I told her I’d be there for her. For whatever she needs, whatever she decided. Her ex cheated on her and the new guy is, well,
new. She could very well end up needing our help.” I put my hands on his shoulders, making sure he was staring into my eyes. “You are a good man, Beau. A great man.” I could see the denial on his face, automatically thinking back to how he hurt me, how he left. “You are, and I’m so lucky that you’re mine.” Emotion filled his gorgeous eyes and he swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple working overtime. “I love you, Halen, so damn much. I meant what I said this morning. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I will spend the rest of my life earning your love.” He put his hands on my cheeks. “You’re it for me, Sweets. You’ve been my girl since I was a kid, and you’ll be my girl until the day I die.” I leaned forward and placed my lips on his again, kissing him, trying to make him physically feel my love. My dad was pissed, but I knew he’d get over it eventually. When he realized that I was an adult, when he realized that Beau was everything I’d ever wanted. When he realized that no one would ever love me the way that Beau did. I moaned against his mouth when his hands trailed under my shirt, grazing my hard nipples. He moved one hand down to my hip, grinding
me against his hard-on. I giggled. “Are you suggesting that we have sex on my mother’s desk?” Beau stood abruptly, depositing me on my feet and spinning me around. “No, Sweets. I’m insinuating that we fuck on your mother’s desk.” He shoved my jeans down. “That okay with you?” He didn’t wait for me to answer before he slid two fingers inside me. He pushed on my upper back, making me bend at the waist. “Yes. Beau, please.” “I love it when you beg me, baby.” I heard the sound of his belt falling to the concrete floor and shivered in anticipation. He entered me in one punishing thrust, causing me to cry out in pleasure. It wasn’t often that Beau was rough like this, but I loved it. “Please…” “That’s it, that’s my girl.” He hammered into me, relentlessly. The heavy desk was scraping across the floor from the force of our movements. “Let me hear you scream, baby.” He’d never wanted me to be loud before, but today and last night he’d basically demanded it. “Beau, don’t stop.” I bit my lip as he wrapped my hair around his fist. His other hand was holding my hip, keeping me in place. “Don’t stop.” I was so
close. “Scream for me, baby.” His command and the gravelly sound of his voice sent me soaring. I came hard, his name on my lips.
Chapter Twenty-Eight Beau “Ready for a beer?” My dad was standing in the entryway waiting for me when I got home later that night. I hadn’t wanted to leave Halen, but she’d insisted that she’d needed to talk to her parents. And now I supposed it was time for me to talk to mine. We couldn’t hide out in the studio forever. “You have no idea.” He gestured with his head toward the backyard. “Come on, bud. I got some sitting on ice for you.” He put his hand on my shoulder and guided me out of the house. Once he’d handed me mine and taken a big pull of his, he set his dark eyes on me. “You want to tell me what the hell is going on?” “I’m in love with Halen. Everything we said this morning is the truth. We’ve been together since her
sixteenth birthday. When she was seventeen, she got pregnant.” I took a sip from the ice-cold bottle. “We lost the baby and I left.” I nodded slowly. “And I’ll regret leaving every day for the rest of my life.” “You said you were in love with her since ‘forever’. Why’d you wait until she was sixteen?” I swallowed. “It was the right thing to do. I knew I was too old for her.” I chuckled. “I actually planned on waiting until she was eighteen, until we were both living off the compound.” “What happened?” Memories of our first kiss assaulted my brain. “Remember the day I got my bike? You convinced Uncle Dash to let her go with me on a ride. We were sitting on this old fallen oak tree on the side of some backcountry road. I asked her what she wanted for her birthday and she said she wanted a kiss.” “So you kissed her.” I nodded. “It was the first time I’d ever had a kiss like that. I’d wanted it for so long and it was better than the fantasy, you know?” I shrugged. “In that moment I knew that there was no going back. That I could never go back to living in a world where I didn’t get to kiss Halen.”
“And the baby? When did that, uh…” I knew what he was asking. And I knew why. My dad wanted to believe in me, he wanted to know without a shadow of a doubt that I was a good guy. That I loved Halen and that I did right by her. “Same. I wanted to wait, Halen pushed. She was close to seventeen when I finally gave in.” I took another sip. “I didn’t leave because she lost the baby. I didn’t leave because I was scared of a future with her or because I was scared of you guys finding out. I left because I wanted her to have a perfect life. I wanted her to have the life her parents wanted her to have. I wanted her to go out, I wanted her to party and live and smile. I wanted more for her than married at eighteen with a house full of kids.” “And now? What do you want for her now?” I smiled. “I want her to have the life she wants. Whatever it may be. If she wants a house full of kids, I’ll give them to her. If she wants to travel and see the world, I’ll hold her hand on each and every adventure.” “Dash will come around, bud. He will.” My dad reached out and put his hand on my knee. “You just need to show him that you love his daughter. That you’ve always loved his daughter and that you’ll
never hurt her again.” *** “Hate me?” I looked up from the picture I was editing on my massive desktop screen when Landry walked into my room. “Never.” She sighed and sank down on my bed. “I’ll tell them soon. I promise.” “Like you said, it’s your truth to tell. It’s up to you when and how you do it. I won’t pressure you, and I certainly won’t go behind your back and narc.” I winked, making her snort. “You were right, you know? All these secrets we keep from them? It’s not healthy.” I turned off my monitor, giving my sister my full attention. “No, it’s not. But you know, Halen said something today that made me realize that it’s just as much the parents fault as it is ours. They let us float through life unsupervised. They don’t ask questions. They don’t really pry. It’s almost like they are happy believing that everything is sunshine and rainbows, you know?” She nodded. “Yeah.” She looked down at my comforter, pulling at a loose thread. “Is Halen okay? Is she mad at me?”
“Of course she’s not mad at you.” And she wasn’t. That wasn’t who my girl was; she’d never let her own hurt get in the way of her concern for someone else. Just like when I’d lost my shit at the dinner table and she’d wanted to comfort me. “I’ll talk to her about it soon. I’m just not quite ready yet, you know? I still haven’t seen a doctor.” I chuckled. “You are a doctor.” “You know what I mean.” “Yeah, I do.” I took a deep breath. “You want to see it with your own eyes, hear its tiny little heart beating. You want to know it’s truly real before you let your heart flood with love.” I made sure there wasn’t a trace of sadness on my face. I didn’t want her to feel bad or feel guilty. I wanted her to know I understood and that I was here for her. I’d never get over the hurt of losing our first child—I’d never forget. But now that I had Halen back by my side, everything seemed different. Seemed survivable. “You’re a good man, Beau.” “That’s what the girls keep telling me.” I winked. “Hey, would you mind telling Uncle Dash too?”
Chapter Twenty-Nine Halen I wasn’t scared to go home. I wasn’t nervous. You’d think I would’ve been though, right? I’d told my parents that not only had I hidden a relationship from them, I’d also lied about being pregnant. And losing our baby. That was a lot of big truth bombs my parents had to absorb. But I couldn’t feel bad about it. Not when I felt like I could breathe easier. “Halen, is that you?” I shut the front door behind me and headed into the kitchen. I wrinkled my nose at the smell of whatever baked good my mom had attempted in the oven. “It’s me.” “Where have you been?” Case in point right there. My car was still in the driveway, and Beau’s bike was still in his. If she truly wondered, why
didn’t she come looking? “Studio. Beau wanted to get back to work. The opening is only two days away.” I sat down at a barstool, my hands clasped in front of me. “Would you like a glass of wine? I was just about to open a bottle.” My mom seemed almost anxious. “If I have to try whatever you baked then I’ll certainly need one.” I smiled, trying to ease some of the tension in the room. She shook her head, her eyes narrowed playfully. “You just wait and see. These cookies are going to be the best you’ve ever tasted.” I highly doubted that. But I’d do just about anything to keep her humor in place. I didn’t want to see sadness in her eyes, or disappointment. I took a small sip of the chilled glass she’d sat in front of me. “I know you have questions.” “Just one.” She leaned her hip against the white and gray granite. “Are you okay?” I was shocked. After everything she’d learned today, she simply wanted to know if her daughter was okay. Her words broke me and I started to cry. When she came toward me I held my hand up, stopping her. “I’m okay. I am, Mom. I’m okay.” I laughed at the shakiness in my voice. “It was hard
losing the baby. It was crushing. I didn’t know I could feel hurt like that, you know? I was only eleven weeks along, but wow, did I love that kid. Beau did too. He couldn’t stop touching my stomach. I know he was scared, but more than anything else he was excited.” I met her eyes. She was crying now too. Large tears rolled down her beautiful face. “Losing Beau? Losing the boy I’d been in love with my whole life, the one person I thought I’d never be without? That was harder in some ways. When I had the miscarriage Beau was there, by my side. He held me. He cleaned me up. He cried with me. At least going through that, I had him with me. When he left, I felt utterly alone. Like gut-wrenchingly alone.” She wiped away her tears. “Why did you forgive him?” “Because I was still in love with him. Because I still woke up every day, missing him like crazy. And because when he came home, I could finally wrap my head around why he left.” “Is he good to you? Was he—was he always good to you?” I smiled. “Always.” She nodded. “Your father will come around, Hales. He will. Right now all he can think about is
all the hurt his little girl has been through. He wants to place blame, and Beau is the closest target.” “I don’t want to choose between Dad and Beau. But if I need to leave the compound, I will.” There was no question about it. If Beau and I couldn’t be together here, then we wouldn’t live here. I’d spent the last two years without him. I wasn’t going to spend another day. “You won’t have to.” I bit at my bottom lip. “How can you be so sure?” My mom reached across the island and took my hand. “Your uncles, your father, they aren’t perfect. They’ve all made mistakes. They’ve all spent some time dwelling in thoughts that they weren’t good enough for the women who loved them.” She smiled. “Your dad will calm down and realize that what you and Beau are going through isn’t much different.” “How so?” “Because that boy stood up today and vowed to spend the rest of his life earning your love. To spend the rest of his life making sure he deserves you.” ***
“Please tell me that’s not a plate of whatever the hell is causing your house to stink like burnt sugar and chicken teriyaki.” I jumped about a foot in the air. “Cash, you scared the hell out of me. I didn’t know you were coming over.” I sat the plate of still-warm ginger cookies on my desk. They tasted as bad as they smelled, but I didn’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings. “I wanted to come check on you, after everything today. And last night.” He shrugged when I narrowed my eyes. “When I was coming home I saw you sneaking back into your window.” “Cash. That was at like five o’clock this morning—why were you just getting home?” “Duty called.” He lay back on my pillows, throwing his hands behind his head like he didn’t have a care in the world. “But I came here to talk about you, not me.” I shook my head sadly, joining him on my bed. “Beau and I are back together.” He smirked. “I assumed that was the case when you climbed out of the tree house wearing a seethrough slip.” I backhanded him. “Creeper.” “You saved Landry’s ass this morning.”
“Yeah. Well. It was time for us to come clean, stop sneaking around and lying about our past. Those lies, they were just weighing us down, you know?” I rolled on my side, looking at my younger cousin who acted more like my older brother. “Believe me, Hales. I know.” We were both silent for a few minutes, content to be in each other’s presence. “He asked me to take care of you before he left.” I pursed my lips and felt my eyebrows draw together. “Beau?” “He woke me up at the ass-crack of dawn, took me out on the four-wheelers.” He stared up at the ceiling and moved his hands to rest on his toned stomach. “He told me he was leaving and that I needed to look out for you. He told me to make sure that you laughed and that you lived. That you didn’t cry over him.” “He shouldn’t have asked that of you. That wasn’t fair.” Cash turned, meeting my gaze. “I’d have done it anyway. I’ll always be here if you need me, Hales. You’re my big sister and I love you. ’Til the end?” ’Til the end—it was something he and Crue had said since they were young, but up until tonight I’d only heard them say it to each other. It was special;
it was a twin thing. I smiled, placing a loving kiss on his shoulder. “’Til the end.” I was worried about him and his brother, worried that their lies were coming between them. They’d always been so close, so bonded. But I could see it starting to unravel, and it was breaking my heart.
Chapter Thirty Beau Three days later Saturday—the night of my gallery opening in downtown Austin. Things at the compound were tense, to say the least. Halen had eventually gone home on Thursday, but she hadn’t talked to her father. She said her mom was acting semi-normal, but her dad was simply ignoring her. Which, in my book, was a little better than him spending day in and day out pleading with her to dump me. I didn’t stay the night at her house, although sleeping without her next to me felt like a form of cruelty, but I didn’t want Uncle Dash to walk in and find us. This time it wasn’t about fear; it was about respect. I wanted to do things the right way. I wanted him to accept us. I wanted his support. And him opening
his daughter’s bedroom door to find her naked in my arms didn’t seem like it would help matters. That’s not to say that we stayed away from each other. Halen helped me finish getting all my shots for the juxtaposition part of my show. She was my muse. She was my everything. We spent some time alone in the tree house. We’d watch the sun set and we’d get tangled up in each other until the moon was high in the sky. Then I’d walk her home, to her front door, not her window. And through it all, I figured out a way to finally explain my love for her to her father. To my Uncle Dash. In a way that he would be able to understand, in a way that would hopefully make him forgive me. And give us his blessing. “You nervous?” Halen walked up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist. Her heels made her tall enough to put her chin on my shoulder. I turned in her embrace, kissing her lips. “Not now.” I put my hands on her hips, holding her at arm’s length so I could rake my eyes down her sexy body. “You look edible, Sweets.” She was wearing tall black heels with a super-short black dress made out of soft silk. Her hair was full and wavy, her makeup heavy. She looked like she just stepped off
a runway. I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and take her home. “Keeping my hands off of you for the next three hours is going to be difficult.” Her grin was wicked, and it held all kinds of dirty promises. “Why are you always assuming I want you to keep your hands to yourself?” She pressed her body against mine; my hard-on lay against her lower stomach. “No more secrets, right?” I dipped down and kissed her lips, because I could. Because she was right and we no longer had to hide. I could touch her. I could hold her hand. And it made me feel dizzy. “Mm. Kiss me again.” She laughed, but complied. “This show is really amazing, Beau.” She looked around the cavernous space, taking in the large prints filling the smooth white walls. “How you managed to pull all this together in three days, I’ll never know.” I had no choice. This was the only way that I could make her dad see, literally see what his daughter meant to me. Instead of only New Orleans, I used images from my whole two years on the road. Images I’d never used, most of which Aunt Lexi hadn’t seen before either. They were in black and white, and they were all things I saw firsthand. Things I’d been part of. Things that gave
truth to how completely hollow I’d felt. Empty liquor bottles turned sideways on a coffee table; a shattered mirror with my blood dripping down its fractured length; my head in my hands, my fingers pulling at my hair. I didn’t chronicle the darkness of the world; I chronicled the darkness inside me. And I was letting everyone experience it. “These shots are all really great, man.” Cash came up and slung his arm around Halen’s neck. “You’re gorgeous, Hales.” She kissed his cheek loudly. “Thanks, Crue. Oh wait, you’re Cash, right?” She shrugged. “It’s just so darn hard to tell these days.” He rolled his eyes and let his arm fall to his side. “It’s complicated.” “It’s really not.” If he thought I’d ever be on his side in this, he was wrong. “You’re trading your happiness for Crue and Avory’s.” “And getting caught would be catastrophic for all of you.” Halen added, taking him by the shoulders and shaking him. “I won’t do it forever.” Cash looked across the gallery to where Crue was standing with Jett and Avory. “They just need a little more time.” He met Halen’s eyes. “I told them they had ’til the end of this school year. The switch-ups stop on the last
day of school. I promise.” He pulled the silver flask from his pocket and took a long pull as he strode away. The large glass entrance door swung open and my Uncle Dash walked in, Uncle Smith and Aunt Dilly beside him. I watched as his eyes scanned the walls. I watched as they went from narrowed to wide open. I watched his jaw as it unclenched and then dropped. “He’s here.” Halen put her hand in mind, squeezing it tightly. “I know.” I didn’t take my gaze off of him. I wanted to see his reaction. I wanted to see if I could change his mind. Beside every dark sordid image, there was another. Its opposite. An image filled with light, color, and love. And every one of them was Halen. Her giggling, and her smiling. Her looking at me over an obviously bare shoulder with that wicked little gleam in her eye. There were pictures of us from before, pictures of us when we were still sneaking around. Things we’d never shared with our parents. Pictures of us laying on the pallet in the treehouse, laughing into the lens; pictures of us sitting on that fallen oak tree, our back to the camera and the sun setting in front of us.
Pictures on Halen’s hands forming a heart over her stomach. I waited with Halen’s palm securely in mine as her father made his way around the gallery. He looked at every picture. Every single one. And then he came to the back of the room, to where we were standing. “I love her. I have always and will always love Halen with every fiber of my being. I will never hurt her again. I swear to you. I’ll never hurt her again.” He took a deep, shaky breath, his eyes moving from mine to hers. “You look so beautiful in love, sweet girl.” Halen let go of my hand and threw her arms around her father. He hugged her back, his gaze still on me. “We all make mistakes when we’re young.” I nodded and he held his arm out. “Come here, bud.” I chuckled and let my girlfriend’s father, the man I’d always thought of as my uncle, hug me. *** Halen and I were lying in the tree house. Not because we had to, but because we wanted to. Our shoes were in the corner and I’d thrown her dress out the window. We hadn’t had sex yet; I’d just
wanted to feel her skin. I wanted to touch her and know that she was mine. “I can’t believe every piece sold tonight.” I’d been lucky. I’d always had successful opening nights. But not like this one. Of course not all the images had been for sale. I’d sold the black and whites. I’d sold the darkness. The light, I’d kept for myself. No one else would get to own Halen like that. “I believe it. You’re so talented, Beau.” Halen’s head was resting on my chest and her fingers were tracing lazily up and down my stomach. “Your mom asked if I would come home and work full time for the art department at the label.” I kissed the top of her head, taking a moment to breathe in her sweet scent. “Really? What did you say?” “I told her that I would, at least until you finished school.” I grinned when she sat up and met my eyes, a smile on her gorgeous face. “And then what are you going to do?” “Then we are going to do whatever we want. If you want to move, we’ll move. Travel? Explore? Whatever you want, we’ll do it.” I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “As long as I get you, nothing else matters.”
“We’re going to have to move into the tree house then. My dad is being supportive, but I think the two of sharing a bed in his house is pushing it.” Uncle Dash had given us his blessing. But Halen was right; we couldn’t live at her house. I knew we could probably live at mine, but I wanted more than that. I wanted to have Halen all to myself. I wanted to kiss her and hold her. I wanted rainy days on the couch and nights sitting on our own patio sipping wine by candlelight. I wanted a life with her. I knew she was still young, and I’d meant what I’d said. If she wanted to see the world, I’d show it to her. Anything her big heart desired was hers for the asking. But right now she needed to finish school. “I was thinking about building us a house here on the compound.” Her eyebrows rose to her hairline. “Are you serious?” “Yeah. We could build on the other side of the tank.” I sat up, looking out the window. “Even if we don’t live here forever, this place will always be where our family is. It wouldn’t be bad to have a house here regardless.” Like a home base. She nodded. “I think that is a great idea. You could build your own studio and turn my mom’s into a bigger space for the art department.”
“We should keep that desk though.” I winked as I lowered my body back down on top of hers. “We marked it—it’s ours.” She snorted. “I’m pretty sure my mom had that desk custom built.” “I doubt she’d still want it if she knew.” “She wouldn’t. But we’re never going to tell her, right?”
Chapter Thirty-One Beau “Halen and I are going to build a house on the other side of the compound.” I hadn’t planned on announcing that over dinner the following night. But Halen was sitting next to me and she’d put her hand in my lap under the table, her palm dangerously close to my dick. The words had come out in a strangled yell. She snorted and I sent her a desperate look. She removed her hand. I turned my attention to Uncle Dash. “Is that okay with you guys? Can we use some of the land to build our own place?” “Of course you can.” It was my mom who answered. “In fact, we’re hoping that eventually all of you will want a place here. I know that not
everyone will live here forever, but we had all hoped this would always feel like home to you guys.” That morning I’d started doing research, calling around to different builders. I wanted to see several designs, meet with a few architects. I wanted the house to be perfect. “Thanks. Halen still has a few years of school and—” “You two aren’t getting married, are you?” My dad looked between us, his nose scrunched like he didn’t really love the idea. “As opposed to shacking up out of wedlock?” Uncle Dash raised an eyebrow and cocked his head to one side, peering down the table to my father. Uncle Smith snorted. “Please, when has anyone at this table actually done anything in wedlock?” “Kitten and I were engaged when Halen was born. That counts.” Uncle Dash pointed across the table. My dad threw his head back, chuckling. “Please. You two had been engaged all of three hours before that kid came screaming into this world.” Uncle Luke raised his hand. “Uh, Lex’s labor lasted way longer than three hours. I nearly went blind from staring at that monitor waiting for my
goddaughter.” Aunt Lexi reached over Uncle Dash and squeezed Uncle Luke’s hand. They did this every once in a while. Talked amongst themselves like we were no longer sitting at the table. There was really no use trying to interrupt them to say that Hales and I had no plans to get married. Yet. “I never actually knocked my girl up. So I feel like I have a leg to stand on.” My dad shrugged like talking about knocking my mom up at the dinner table was no big deal. Meanwhile Landry looked like she was about to throw up. My Aunt Dilly rolled her eyes. “You had two kids before most of us had one. I don’t think your situation counts at all.” Uncle Luke raised his hand again. “Hello? We did everything right. We were engaged before Pix got pregnant and we were married before Cash and Crue were born. We win. We do things right.” He pointed across the table at his sons. “You three? Ring. Then baby. Got it?” They all three nodded their heads. Silently, I thanked God that no one had brought up us losing the baby or the fact that I’d gotten Halen pregnant at all. I think they all knew how hard that had been on us. And I doubted that anyone would broach the
subject, ever. “Beau, does that mean you’re taking Lex up on her offer to help run the art department at Riffraff?” Aunt Lo’s eyes were hopeful. I returned her smile. “Yes. Until Halen finishes school at least.” And then we’d reevaluate. “Okay. Great. Monday morning we’ll start working on the content for Clashing Swell.” She clapped her hands together once. “I am so excited that you want to do this, bud. You have an amazing eye.” “I learned from the best.” Aunt Lexi bit at her bottom lip. “Do you mean that? Or are you just trying to butter up your girlfriend’s mom?” “I assure you, I mean that.” It was almost foreign to look at my Aunt Lexi as Halen’s mom. My girl reached under the table and put her hand back on my thigh, moving it upward, slowly. I put my hand on top of hers, pleading with my eyes once again. She was hell bent on torturing me tonight. I leaned down and whispered, “Keep it up, Sweets, and I’ll start returning the favor.” Her hand froze on its way to my dick, her lips parting in shock. And lust. “How are things going with Clashing Swell?
That drummer of theirs is insane, in more ways than one.” Uncle Luke shook his head. “He’s one of the most talented I’ve ever seen, and he’s actually nuts. I saw that guy do a front flip off the stage rigging right into the crowd.” He moved his head around Aunt Lo. “You remember that, Landry? You met us at that concert a few weeks ago.” She nodded. Her complexion was getting greener by the minute. “He let a fan tattoo his ass backstage, freehand. This dude just whips out a gun and starts working on his bare ass.” Uncle Luke laughs. “I think he let him tattoo a dolphin or something.” “You think he’s a liability?” Uncle Smith, ever the serious one, narrowed his eyes, not finding any of this drummer’s antics funny apparently. “Nah. He’s just a young kid, having the time of his life.” Uncle Luke shrugged. “He reminds me a little of Jacks to be honest. You know, if Jacks was a drummer-surfer that wore swim trucks covered in marijuana leaves and did gymnastics into the crowd every chance he got.” “How old is he?” My mom leaned forward addressing Uncle Luke. “Maybe twenty-two. Young.” “Young? Are you kidding?” My mom made a
sad little maternal face. I stifled an eye roll. I’m pretty sure she was around that age when she started raising Landry with my dad. And I was that age when I took off on my own. Parents were old AF. “He’s just a baby, I can’t—” Before my mom could get another word out my sister leaned over the table and threw up every bite of steak she’d eaten in the last twenty minutes. Loudly. “Oh my gosh. Landry, sweetheart, are you okay?” My mom got up and rushed around the table, putting her hand on Landry’s back and trying to move her hair out of the way. “Did your stomach bug come back?” “No.” She swished with some water and wiped the corner of her mouth with a cloth napkin. She met my eyes then Halen’s. She sent us a small smile with a shrug. “I’m pregnant.” “What? Buttercup, with who?” My dad stood, knocking his beer into his plate in the process. He looked like he was about to pass out. Landry gagged but held it in. Probably because she didn’t have anything else to throw up. “Uh, don’t know.” “Did you do IVF? A sperm donor? Did you, um, is that it?” My mom was smiling really big, almost
like she was willing that to be the case. “Nope.” I watched as my sister piled her vomitfilled hair on top of her head in a messy bun. I’d never seen anyone look so casual covered in puke. “He was a one-night stand.” Well, now that wasn’t necessarily the truth. But I could see where she wouldn’t want to announce that she’d slept with two dudes too close together to know for sure. “He was a one-night stand? Jesus, Landry. Please tell me you at least know his name.” My dad was rubbing his temples like he was fighting off a massive headache. “Isn’t that the definition of a one-night stand? No details exchanged?” She was lying through her teeth and sending our parents to an early grave. She knew both of the potential fathers. “Will everyone please stop saying one-night stand?” My mom was, no joke, still smiling. It was like she really didn’t know what else to do with her face. Halen leaned over and whispered, “I thought she told you it was her ex or the mystery guy. Why is she claiming one-night stand?” I whispered back. “I don’t think the alternative is all that much better, Sweets. At least this way
there is only one possibility, instead of two.” Halen nodded in understanding. Landry got to her feet, her chin held high. “This isn’t really the way I saw my life going either. But. I’m having a baby. And you guys can either be on board and get excited or not. It’s your choice.” “Um. Okay.” My dad sat back down, obviously not really sure what to do with himself. “I’m going to go back to the house and take a shower. Good night.” She looked down at her plate. “Sorry about the mess.” Halen stood up, backhanding me lightly on the shoulder. “We’ll go with her. Make sure she makes it back without getting sick again.” We would? That was the second time I’d almost been covered in my sister’s throw-up. I was supportive as hell, but I didn’t really want to shoot for a third. I got to my feet when she hit me again, harder this time. “Landry, wait up.” She slowed her stride and waited for Halen and me to catch up. “You guys don’t need to come with me. Really. Stay, I could hear how excited you were to talk about building your new house.” She didn’t turn to face us. Halen rested her hand on my sister’s back. “We
have all the time in the world to talk to them about that. You’re leaving in the morning, and you’re clearly not okay.” Landry spun around and hugged Halen. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to find out like you did. You covered for me, you saved me.” She pulled away, wiping at the tears on her face. “But I just didn’t want to lie to them again. I’m sorry, guys. I should have spoken up before. I should have never left you to cover for me.” Halen looked at me then gestured toward my sobbing sister. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, pulling her against me. “Don’t worry about us, okay? We were going to tell them anyway. You just need to worry about you and our little niece or nephew. If you want me to come stay with you, I will. If you want me or both of us there when you tell the father, we’ll be there. You hear me?” She nodded while wiping her snotty nose on my shirt like only a sister could get away with. “I love you guys.” We formed a group hug and Halen added, “We love you too.” She stood up straight, squaring her shoulders. “Okay.” She brushed away the remainder of her
tears. “You two go back to dinner. I’m going to go home and pass out. I’m exhausted.” She hugged us both again and then headed off toward our house. We watched silently as she made it to our driveway and then Halen rested her head on my arm. “You want to go back to dinner?” I chuckled as I threw her over my shoulder, taking off in the direction of our tree house. “Not a chance, Sweets.”
Epilogue Landry I sighed as I dropped my luggage right inside my front door. This past week had been one of the longest of my life. And it wasn’t even close to over yet. I needed to schedule a doctor’s appointment. I needed to contact two men and tell them that they may or not be the father of my fetus. For fuck’s sake. What had my life turned into? I was a surgeon. I was independent, educated, and successful. And now? Knocked up. I collapsed on my pristine white sofa. This thing would have to go soon. I’d been around enough babies in my life to know that white and toddlers did not mix well. Crue had dropped a cup of red Kool-Aid all over our Aunt Mikah’s wedding dress. Before the ceremony.
I leaned my head back, closing my eyes for a little lap when my phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out, not able to stop the smile on my face. Brody. The young, crazy drummer from Clashing Swell. I had one missed call and one text waiting for me. This ought to be good. I hit play on the voicemail. Hey bad girl. I miss your gorgeous face and your fucking sexy body. Call me as soon as you get home. Peace. I snorted as I deleted it, opening the text. Brody: You home? I’m horny. I bit my lip. It shouldn’t make me grin; it was crass and vulgar. And presumptuous. I sighed, typing out my reply. Me: Just walked in the door. Brody: I’m coming over. I missed the fuck out of you baby cakes. I should tell him no. I should see a doctor and then invite him to dinner, make sure he wasn’t drunk or high. And then tell him about the baby, that it could be his. Or. I could just not tell him. I could not tell either one of them. My parents thought it was a one-night stand; maybe I could go with that story? I sure as hell didn’t want to raise a
child with my ex. He was an asshole and a cheater. He’d make a terrible father. I could see it now. Polos and pressed khakis, private schools and neurotic overachievements. I shuddered. Not my kid. Brody: Be naked. I snorted. Why did I find him funny? Why was I stripping off my shirt and shimmying out of my shorts? Brody: I’m fucking hard as a rock. I piled my hair on top of my head. Sex with Brody was like a marathon sport. He fucked like it was his job. Like it was his career, his passion. He fucked liked his life depended on it. And I was hooked. I’d been hooked from the first night I’d met him. The night he did a front flip off the light rigs into the crowd. Yep. Thank goodness Uncle Luke and Aunt Lo had headed back to their hotel room before Brody had thrown me over his shoulder and carted me off to the nearest supply closet. There was just something about him. Something that I couldn’t get enough of. His energy, his philosophy…his body. He was six-three with shoulder-length blond hair and a tanned, muscular physique. He was pure sex. No doubt about it. And he always smelled like the
ocean. He surfed every day without fail. Brody: I’m parking. You better not be wearing any clothes. Brody: I take that back. Leave your underwear on. I want to rip them off with my teeth. I stood, unclasping my bra and unlocking my front door. No harm no foul in not telling either one of them. My ex didn’t want kids. I’d heard him say it more than once. And Brody? Hell, Brody still was a kid. And his band was leaving in a couple of months to go on tour. I’d have fun with him until the bus pulled away. Piece of cake. I turned around as I heard my front door open. “Hey, bad girl.” I smiled, my hands on my hips. “Miss me?” “You have no fucking idea, baby cakes.” He took two long strides into the room, picked me up then buried his face in my neck. “You miss me?” He pulled back and I looked into his blue eyes. I couldn’t help but smile. “I did.” And I had. I’d missed the way he made me laugh. I missed his easy way of living. I missed the sex. We’d been fucking like rabbits for three weeks straight. “I want to live inside your body until I leave to go on tour. That okay with you?” He was walking
us backward to my bedroom; his hands had a tight grip on my ass. “Yes.” My answer came out on a moan. I did want that. I needed that. The distraction and the comfort. Everything Brody gave so freely, I needed. I’d held it together in front of my family, and I’d get through this. I’d be a good mom. I’d work. I’d raise my kid and further my career. And I’d do it all on my own. But right now, while I had Brody here to make me smile, make me laugh, make me scream… I’d soak up every second of it I could.
The RiffRaff saga continues with Brody and Landry’s book, Infamy.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR L.P. Maxa lives in Austin, Texas, with her husband, daughter, three rescue dogs, and one stray cat. The fish died. She loves reading romance novels as much as she loves writing them. She’s new to the writing game but has published four books in her first year alone. Inspiration can come from anywhere: a song lyric, a quote, a weekend with friends. The tiniest things spark amazing stories.
ALSO BY L.P. MAXA RiffRaff Records Royalty St. Leasing Mouth Watering Breath Taking The Devil’s Share series Play Nice Play Dirty Play Fair Play Softly Play Hard Play For Keeps Happy Place
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