L.K. Collins - Zero F-cks -

ZERO F*CKS

a novel by

LK COLLINS



Copyright © 2016 LK Collins Cover Design by Prezident Collins Edited by Lisa Christman, Adept Edits Photography by curaphotography All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author ’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner.

Table of Contents Dedication Chapter 1 Cameron Chapter 2 Nixon Chapter 3 Cameron Chapter 4 Nixon Chapter 5 Cameron Chapter 6 Nixon Chapter 7 Cameron Chapter 8 Nixon Chapter 9 Cameron Chapter 10 Nixon Chapter 11 Cameron Chapter 12 Nixon Chapter 13 Cameron Chapter 14 Nixon Chapter 15 Cameron Chapter 16 Nixon Chapter 17 Cameron Chapter 18 Nixon Chapter 19 Cameron Chapter 20

Nixon Chapter 21 Cameron Chapter 22 Nixon Chapter 23 Cameron Chapter 24 Nixon Chapter 25 Cameron Chapter 26 Nixon Chapter 27 Cameron Chapter 28 Nixon Chapter 29 Cameron Chapter 30 Nixon Chapter 31 Cameron Chapter 32 Nixon Chapter 33 Cameron Chapter 34 Nixon Epilogue Cameron Acknowledgements



Dedication

Mr. Prezident, my sexy husband, thank you for teaching us all how a man lives giving zero f*cks, through the eyes of Nixon.



Chapter 1 Cameron “Oh my God, Conner, I miss you so much,” I tell my brother, as we video chat. And even though I can see his face, it’s still not the same…or enough. “Seven months and you’ll have me home, sis.” “I can’t wait.” He’s serving his second tour overseas and has been gone for way too long. “Have you talked to Mom and Dad?” he asks me. “Not since Easter. You?” “No, I got a package on the ship the other day from them. The postage looked like it came from Belize, but who knows where they are now,” he says. Our parents sail the world. My brother and I grew up spending a lot of time on their sailboat. It’s probably why we both love the water and do what we do for a living—he’s a Navy SEAL and I’m in the US Coast Guard. “Mom said they’d be here when you got home.” “You’re still cool if I crash with you though, right?” “Are you fucking kidding me? I’d be pissed if you didn’t.” Our parents would welcome him on their boat, but when Conner comes home, he likes to be off the water, and I can’t blame him. Sometimes you just need solid ground. The feed cuts out on my laptop, and his face blurs for a second, then he’s back. “Can you hear me?” I ask, knowing a lot of time when it cuts out we lose our audio connection. “Yeah. Hey, I meant to ask you, have you seen Nixon? I know he moved back home after getting kicked out of the Navy.” “Hell no. You know I don’t want to see him; don’t even say his name.” “Oh, come on, Cam, you aren’t still pissed at him, are you?” I roll my eyes hating to be reminded of anything that has to do with Nixon Andrews or my past with him. He broke my heart, plain and simple. “I’ll never forgive him. Besides, he’s the reason you’re halfway across the world.” “No, he isn’t! I made this decision on my own and you forgave me for leaving too.” “Conner, you don’t need to protect him anymore.” “I’m not. Come on, I’m here to protect you. Anyway, I asked because I wanted you to know he’s been through some crazy shit. He’s not the same guy he was when he left.” The feed cuts out, and I switch the subject when he comes back into view, not wanting to talk about Nixon or the past any longer. It was five years ago, and clearly if he’s back and not contacting

me, he’s as done with me as I am with him. I worried about him for long enough. I’m done with the Nixon pity party. “Do you need anything that I can send you?” “Hmmm. Maybe some beef jerky, and you know what? I could really use a new pair of sunglasses.” I chuckle at his list. “Really, that’s it?” “Yeah, that’ll do.” “Hollis, time’s up.” Someone yells at Conner in the background and I need to get going myself. The guys will be here any minute to pick me up. “I love you, little sis,” he says, and I tell him, “I love you too, Con. Be safe.” “Always. We’ll talk in a few days.” The screen goes black and the same feelings I always get when I say goodbye to him wash over me…fear—anxiety—tension. I’m scared for my brother ’s safety. He is out there, in the middle of nowhere, fighting to keep our country safe. A knock on the door startles me, bringing me out of my worries. I get up, letting Guy, Seth, and Luke in. We all work together, and I’m glad to have them as a distraction right now. “Hey,” I hug them all, excited to get out and have some drinks, but I’m also sad that this is going to be our last time with Seth. “Well, don’t you look hot tonight?” Luke says grabbing four shot glasses from my kitchen cabinet as he rubs up against me. “Why, thank you, but I’m with you fools, so no one’s gonna be looking my direction.” After what Nixon did to me, I’ve had a hard time trusting men, but these guys have shown me that some men can be honest. Seth unscrews the bottle of tequila and fills the shots, then we all crowd around my tiny kitchen. “To Seth,” Luke says, “We’re gonna miss you, brother.” “Here, here,” we all chant and knock back the shots. Seth is moving to California with his wife, lucky enough to get reassigned near her family since they are expecting their first baby. He also got an awesome promotion to lieutenant, so none of us can blame him for leaving, even if we selfishly don’t want him to. “One more before we hit the road?” Luke asks and I don’t argue—I need to unwind after the crazy ass day we had at work. Thankfully, we’re off tomorrow, so we can let loose. Luke happily refills our shot glasses and gives me a wink. We knock the strong liquor back again. Leaving my apartment, we head to Seth’s favorite little hole-in-the-wall bar. As we pile into the back of a cab, Seth asks us, “Has Mack told any of you who’s replacing me?” “No, we don’t have a clue,” I tell him. “It’ll probably be some poor shmuck fresh out of training,” Guy says from the front seat. “No way. Mack wouldn’t do that to us.” And I have to agree. Our team has worked together for

four years, day in and day out. We’ve completed more successful helicopter missions than any other four-person unit. Guy and Luke are both ex-Navy, and for Seth and I, well, the Coast Guard is our first love…so it’s our life. Pulling up to the bar, Guy pays the driver, like he always does. He’s the pilot, so we let him. After all, the ass makes double the money we do. “You wanna sit at the bar tonight?” I ask. “Mmmmm, let’s grab a table, if that’s cool,” Seth says. We sit down and Guy opens a tab with the waitress. “When are you leaving?” I ask Seth. “Tomorrow.” “Did you guys find a place yet?” “No, we’re gonna stay with Tabitha’s parents for a bit, until we sell our house here.” The waitress brings over a round of beers and I glance at Guy texting on his phone. “Everything okay?” “Yeah, it’s Macey, she’s a little pissed that I didn’t invite her to come out with us.” “Why didn’t you?” I ask him. “I don’t know, it slipped my mind.” “That’s what I don’t get about you guys. You always want us to tell you where we are and what we’re doing and include you, but you can’t do the same.” “Oh, please, Cameron, don’t even take her side…you were my friend first, and don’t forget it.” “I’m her friend, too, and I’m gonna stick up for her when you make the wrong move, asshole. So invite her. Seth, you don’t mind if she comes, right?” Luke chimes in knocking back a drink of his beer and says, “You guys know this has nothing to do with you; it’s got to do with her brother keeping her in the dark about becoming a SEAL.” “Fuck you, asshole!” I retort, hating how well they know me. Yeah, maybe my sensitivity to being out of the loop does have everything to do with Conner leaving and my ex, Nixon, too. But I’ve never spoken of Nixon to the guys. Since the day he left me and broke my heart, I turned my back on him, the same way he did to me. Pulling my phone out as it buzzes, I see a text from Macey. She’s so sweet in her message, I’m not barging in on your last night with Seth. Everything’s good. I promise. Letting go of the subject that somehow got turned around on me, Luke asks me, “Do you want another drink?” “Sure.” He orders for us as Seth and Guy are deep in a debate about the speed of our Jayhawk. “You’re gonna miss him, huh?” Luke asks me as I watch Guy and Seth, and I smile, nodding in response. I really am. He reaches under the table squeezing my thigh to comfort me, and I swallow hard. I’ve never

hooked up with any of these guys, sticking with my standard MO of safe distance from all men. They’re my best friends, but Luke has always seemed to like me, flirting and winking and touching me all the time. Grabbing his hand as it rests on my leg, I squeeze it back. I can’t deny that I like the affection he gives me. The waitress brings over our drinks and as she sets them down, we let go. Guy and Seth look over at us and ask, “Where the hell are ours?” “That’s for not inviting Macey!” I tease him. “Whatever!” He flips me off and Seth says, “Oh, stop being such a pussy.” No one puts Guy in check…no one, so Luke and I can’t help but laugh. Sitting back, I experience the camaraderie that we all share to the fullest, loving our fun banter, because when it comes to our next shift, it won’t be the same without Seth. The connection that the four of us share is so tight. The laughs, the bond, everything, it’s perfect. There is no way that Mack can ever find anyone else to replace Seth…ever.

***

Holding the dart between the tips of my fingers, trying to focus in on the board, I’m so buzzed and it doesn’t help that Luke keeps distracting me. “Wanna make a bet?” he whispers in my ear. I shake my head ignoring him. Guy and Seth left hours ago to get home to their girls. Saying goodbye to Seth sucked—I cried like a baby and then wallowed my pain away in the never-ending shots and beers that Luke kept giving me. “You sure?” he asks me again, this time wrapping his lower hand around my waist, awakening something inside me. I don’t throw the dart as I ask him, “What do you have in mind?” He talks quietly into my ear, his breath warm as his lips are almost touching me, his chin resting on top of my shoulder, reminding me of the way my ex used to draw in close. “If you lose, I get to kiss you.” His words shock me and I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. “And what do I get, if I win?” “That’s up to you.” I think about his wager…his hand feels so good around my body, even if it is the alcohol making me feel this way. It’s been so long since a man’s touched me…or kissed me. I’ve kept men at a distance, but suddenly I’m wondering, for what? He’s not Nixon. In fact, he’s the polar opposite. Turning around, I shake his hand, and he smiles, gripping mine hard. “Don’t you wanna know what I want?” I ask him. “No…you can have anything, Cam.” My mind races, wondering what I’d even want if I won. Luke and I finish our round of darts, with a lot of arguing and bantering regarding the rules, and at the end of the night, he fucking beats me. “We could play again?” he suggests, maybe trying to be a gentleman, but I shake my head. Knowing deep down that I want him. Luke and I have walked a thin line for a long time and I think I’m ready to cross it.

“What, you don’t want to kiss me?” I slur. “Oh, I fucking do. But only if you want me to.” He’s always been so respectful of me, and that’s made it easy to keep him in the friend zone, because he never pressures me. That, and because of my past, my heart is guarded against men in general. But Luke is different—he’s my friend and I value our friendship a lot and would hate to see that change. Nixon and I started out as friends too, and what I thought was the best thing when we became more, turned out to be the worst decision I’d ever made. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. But Luke is gorgeous, so the attraction is easily there. And as my friend, I do trust him… Finishing my drink, I set it down and decide to live in the moment, knowing…Luke is not Nixon. He places his hand at the small of my back, his lips hovering over mine. My insides heat as he inches closer, coming in, and I look into his brown eyes, which are dancing in the bar lights. Then he does it, he kisses me and everything that I was so scared of, feels so right. I kiss him back, our tongues working together. Desire filling my body as I weave my fingers into the back of his hair. I don’t think I want to stop. Grabbing his hand, I drag him away from the bar and towards the bathroom, feeling very wobbly, but determined. My head is hanging forward as I push the door open and pull him inside. He smirks at me as I push his back against the door, and he doesn’t waste another second, kissing me again. His lips are over mine and I taste him as the same spark erupts. Since Nixon, I’ve been with a few guys, but I don’t let my feelings get involved. However, being with Luke right now, in this moment, feels like more than a random hook-up, and I’m okay with that; I need it. Luke makes me feel safe and I trust him. We both get carried away. My insides are on fire, never imagining that Luke and I would be doing this and it could feel so good. He cups my face for a brief moment, looking deep into my eyes. “God, I want you.” He’s breathless and I can’t deny it…I want him too. “Then fuck me.” He shakes his head, biting his bottom lip, and refusing his good-guy moment before it goes any further, I lift my tank top over my head. My breasts gape back at him, and before I know it, he’s inside my pants. “God, I’ve dreamed about this so many times,” he says, and I can’t even process it, just needing him inside me, needing a good pounding and to come. Sex post-Nixon has become a feelfirst-think-later kind of thing. “Do you have a condom?” He pulls one out of his wallet and hands it to me. I tear it open as we both shimmy our pants down. “Should we do this here?” he asks me, and again I bat away his hesitation as I roll the condom down his cock, lift my leg, and slide him into my body. “Oh fuck, Cam.” Jesus, he’s hard and feels so fucking good inside me. “Keep your back on the door,” I tell him as I hear someone outside. We begin to move together, my fingers holding on to his neck, my pussy clenching. Letting him work me good, fucking me the way I need.

“Yes, Luke,” I moan, and he says, “I love when you say my name.” “Fuck me, Luke,” I chant again, as he’s rubbing the right spot. I look into his eyes, never imagining that sex with him could be this good. He stares back at me, relentlessly fucking me, gripping my thigh like his life depends on it. His mouth is ajar, and he grins, going a little harder as he pleases me so fucking well, only seeming to care about my pleasure as we both get swept away, our bodies moving so well together.

Chapter 2 Nixon With my hands around her hips, I pump my cock in and out. She’s on top of me, riding my dick, and keeps begging for more. “Harder, Nixon.” I slam her pussy, giving her what she asks for. She’s fucking me like she can’t get enough and I love it. Every nerve ending is firing on all cylinders as I work her tight cunt so good. The sun is about to cap the morning sky, and I can’t wait to hit some waves after I blow my load. “Yes,” she moans louder, and I curse myself for not remembering this chick’s name. I met her at the bar last night, and whelp…here we are. A sliver of sun slices across her tits, and I have a hard time focusing on anything else. They bounce, my mouth watering at I watch them. Then I flip her on her back, needing to taste them. She laughs as I hover over her. “God, you’re an animal.” “You like getting fucked hard, don’t you?” I ask and lick a circle around one of her nipples. Stopping our movements for a brief second, she nods her head. “Then grab on to your thighs, like a good girl.” Sliding my hands up her back, I wrap my fingers over her shoulders and fuck her ‘til she’s in a little pain. I like fucking women right to the edge. Keeping my strokes firm and deep as I work her hard like she likes, it pushes her over the edge. Watching her come causes me to blow hard, enjoying her tight pussy milking me, curling my toes, pumping my dick dry. A low grunt crackles in my throat, and when I finish, I get off her and sit on the edge of the bed looking out at the beach, still feeling a little drunk from the night before. I’m stoked that my aunt lets me stay here, even though I haven’t paid her shit in rent. I wish I cared a little bit more about life, but I’m too fucked up since leaving the Navy. What I thought my future was gonna be has disintegrated before my eyes, and in the wasteland that remains, I find myself drowning the days away, surfing, drinking, and fucking. “Is everything okay?” the chick asks me. “Yeah, what’s your name again?” I ask her. “Are you fucking serious?” “Yup, I really have a shitty memory.” “Fuck you!” she retorts and throws a pillow at me, snatching her clothes from the floor. It always works to get them out of my bed…but this time, I really don’t remember her name. “Is it Amber?” I ask as I toss the condom into the trashcan and glance over my shoulder at her as she is getting dressed.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” “So I’ve been told, sweetheart.” I pull on my board shorts and open the rear sliding door to my condo. She glares, but it’s wasted on me as I take my surfboard, making my way down to the water. The sand is already warm between my toes, and I fuckin’ love the feeling. This time of year in Florida, it’s always fucking hot, but it’s why I live here. The waves are decent and I can surf whenever. Wading out in the cool Atlantic Ocean, I climb on my board and paddle a bit. My eyes are on the sun as it warms my face. Breathing in the air, I hope that starting work today will give me the purpose and adrenaline that I need in my life. I miss being in the Navy. It was my life…my future and I lost it all over one goddamn mistake. Like I’ve done time and time again in my life. So maybe this next adventure will be exactly what I need, and I can do it right. The sun has fully risen, casting some dope rays across the sky. The waves crash beneath me, and I turn my back on the yellow orb, looking to my left as a massive wave forms. Paddling forward to catch it, I hop up and turn my board, but suddenly plummet forward, tumbling beneath the salt water. I don’t bother rushing up. I can hold my breath for six minutes…a skill that I trained for years to accomplish, a skill that I no longer have a use for. Sitting under the waves as they crash above me, my board pushes and pulls as it’s strapped to my ankle. The water burns my open eyes, but being underwater is fucking amazing. It’s where I feel at home and about all I have to look forward to anymore. Finally I come up for air and then ride some waves. Knowing that I’m joining my new unit today gets me out. I don’t want to be late or fuck it up. Going back to my place, I glance around and the girl from last night is gone, thank God. I pour a generous amount of cheap vodka in a glass, enough to start my day off right, and then turn the shower on. But I laugh out loud when I see what she wrote on the mirror, with what I’m guessing was red lipstick. “Amy was here!” “Amy” is underlined and I chuckle to myself. Amy, Amber, really no difference to me. After showering, I get dressed, gargle some mouthwash, then walk out to my truck to drive to the base. I leased this baby the day I got home from Coast Guard boot camp, taking full advantage of the military discounts they were handing out at the dealership. Haven’t paid a dime since…so I’m sure any day now and it’ll be gone. Like everything else. As I park in the lot, I look around at all the helicopters and boats that are docked all around the base and I’m so unbelievably ready for this. This gig is going to be fucking amazing. Way better than slumming orders from some asshole that at any moment can make the decision on whether you live or die. On my way inside, I pass a Jayhawk and stare at it; the blades are huge as they slowly whip in the air. The crew must be getting ready for take-off. I kinda hope my lieutenant stations me in the air;

it would be a cool change. I mean, I love the water, it’s one of the things I loved most about being a SEAL. That was before I kicked the shit out of my captain, which got me orders back to the States the same day. Doesn’t matter though…I was never a lifer like most guys. I thought I was for a few years. I followed in my dad’s footsteps and became a SEAL, wanting to honor his name and the man he was… but nothing can prepare you for what being a Navy SEAL is like. Death—the unknown—sacrifices— all for what? A few fucking stars and medals? None of that shit brings back the lives they take or the friends you lose. It’s why I got kicked out—my temper got the better part of me after my captain made a bad call during one of our raids and one of the best guy’s on my team paid with his life. Shaking away the negativity that festers inside of me, I walk in and tell the hottie behind the desk, “Hi, I’m here to see Lieutenant Boscov.” “And you are?” “Nixon Andrews.” “Please have a seat, sir.” She points to a group of chairs that I pass on sitting in, instead looking through a wall of glass windows into the huge shop where they work on the helicopters. There are a ton of guys all hard at work. “Nixon,” my new lieutenant calls out. I turn and see the older gentleman who I was assigned to report under. He’s seemed pretty cool about giving me a second chance. Which I’m grateful for, ‘cause if it wasn’t for him, I’d be slinging burgers for minimum wage or some shit. “How are you, sir?” “Very well. It’s great to see you, Nixon.” We shake hands and he says, “Listen, I know we talked about a few options for you, but I think I found a permanent spot where you’ll fit right in, and it’s in the air, which you’ve expressed that’s where you’d like to be. They are an excellent rescue flight crew that is down a crewmember. It’s a tight-knit group, but I think with your knowledge and skill set, it could be a good fit.” “As long as I’m busy and saving people, I’m good, sir.” “Oh, you will be.” “Very good, sir.” “Great. So what do you say…wanna meet the crew?” “Yes. Thank you very much for giving me this opportunity, sir.” “You’re very welcome, Nixon.” He walks off and I follow behind him, noticing the girl at the desk watching me. I give her a wink; she’s fuckable for sure. “Cameron?” my lieutenant calls out, and when I glance up and see her…I’m shocked. No fucking way.



Chapter 3 Cameron

Sonofabitch! “This is Nixon Andrews. He’s fresh out of boot camp, but an ex-Navy SEAL and will be your new AST,” Mack, my lieutenant, says. I swallow, shocked, looking Nixon in the eye again. How is this even remotely fucking possible? Nixon and I shake hands awkwardly, the feeling of his fingers on mine making my heart skip a beat. We both act like we have no clue who the other person is, but even after all this time, I lose my breath. My heart in my throat, my eyes are wide looking at him again. God, he’s changed. I’d barely recognize him, if I saw him on the street. He’s so different, yet the same. His black hair and blue eyes resemble the old Nixon, but I can sense from his body language that he’s closed off and the pain within him is clear as he tries to hide it. He’s been through a lot, just like Conner warned me. “Lieutenant?” someone calls out for Mack, and he says to us, “Could you both excuse me real quick?” I nod and Nixon says, “Absolutely, sir.” The Navy must’ve really given him some manners. “So, you work in the field?” Nixon asks me, seemingly shocked. I hold back the derisive laugh his obvious incredulity brings bursting up. Mixed emotions of all sorts are running through me as my mind tries to unscramble. I haven’t seen him in five years, and that’s the first thing he says to me? “You knew I worked here. Conner told you.” “Uh…no, he didn’t. You think I’d be here if I knew you would be?” “Are you kidding me? Do I repulse you that much, Nixon?” “No, obviously you don’t repulse me, but I know you hate me, so I don’t want to be around that daily.” “Well, it sounds like that is exactly what you’re in for. Out of all the places…why—” He cuts me off, “I can see you haven’t changed one bit…still enjoying being a fucking nag.” “Fuck you!” He stares at me as I cross my arms over my chest and then says, “You look good, Cam, really fucking good.” “Sorry about that,” Mack says coming back over to us, my face beet red and about to explode as I push Nixon out of my thoughts. I’ll be damned if I let him into my head. He won’t fuck this up for me…no matter what.

“Did you two get a chance to meet?” “Yeah,” I respond and still can’t believe this is happening. “Great. Are Guy and Luke out at the helicopter?” “I think so.” “I’m going to introduce Nixon to them. Then he should be ready for a trial run with you guys.” “Works for me,” I can barely choke out the words, but I force myself to. They walk off and I stare at the ground, my head spinning and my heart pounding as hard as it did the day Nixon left, bringing so many emotions back to the surface. Just when things are going so well for me. Work is good, Conner will be home soon, and I finally found someone I think I like in Luke. Someone that I can trust and who accepts me for me. He doesn’t push me to give him more or anything like that. After our hookup the other night, things have been so cool between us, it’s been like nothing happened. That awkwardness isn’t there, things are just normal and that’s what I need. That’s why I think Luke and I could have something. But now, here’s Nixon out of the blue, crashing in on things, making me instantly second-guess it all, giving me a sudden tsunami of feelings I’ve worked so long to push down and lock away. Picking up my clipboard, I hold on to it tightly, my nails digging into the back. I can see the guys outside all shaking hands and being chummy. I’m sure he’s going to do whatever he can to make the guys like him. Jesus, I’m fucked. I never told Guy or Luke about Nixon, so they’re not going to understand my dislike for him. They have no clue of the pain he caused me. Growing up, it was always my brother, Nixon, and I hanging out. We were the best of friends since we were young, spending day in and day out together. Then as time went on, I developed feelings for Nixon and fought them for years. He was my friend; I didn’t want to ruin that. But deep down, there was more to my feelings for him and I needed to acknowledge it, and I needed to know if he felt the same about me. After battling for so long, I finally gave in and so did he. And from that moment on, it was a whirlwind of a relationship, nothing could stop us or come between us. And as I looked forward to the future more than I ever had in my entire life, he put it all in jeopardy. Everything he promised me hung in the balance of a single choice—one decision, and in the blink of an eye, he went back on it all and snatched it away, including my brother, when they both joined the Navy. It killed me in the process from the inside out… …“Conner? Nixon?” I call out getting home from swim practice early. But the normal response I get from them doesn’t come. I check my phone for any messages from either and I don’t see any, so I figure they are upstairs. Heading up, I hear them talking in Conner’s room. I reach for the door handle, but I’m stopped dead in my tracks as I hear Nixon say, “Come on, man, she’ll be fine.” “I know she will, but I feel bad we haven’t even told her yet.” “We will, man, when the time’s right.”

“This is such a huge decision. How can you be so sure?” Conner asks him. “I don’t have a choice. My dad died fighting for our country. I have to follow in his footsteps. I have to honor his name. This is all he ever wanted me to do.” “Don’t you feel bad that you told Cam you weren’t gonna join?” “I do, and I don’t want to hurt her, but deep down, I know this is my destiny. It doesn’t feel right to ignore it anymore. She knows I really considered college…but I just can’t. But enough about me, you gotta fucking stop swaying back and forth and make up your mind, bro.” “I will, but I need a little more time to wrap my head around everything, to make sure that this is really what I want...” I confronted them right away, and they both confirmed they were joining the Navy. It was like Conner had suddenly made up his mind and Nixon seemed to act like I should know he was doing this. Over the last year, since his father had been killed by enemy fire in the Navy, it seemed like Nixon had been pushing me away. I had assumed that it was simply his grief weighing on him, but as I look back, I can see that he was also disconnecting from me, preparing for what he felt like he had to do to honor his father ’s memory. But, it didn’t matter what I said to him or Conner; there was no talking them out of it. They’d already gone behind my back, my brother and the first guy I’d ever loved. The only people I had in this world had signed their lives away without even talking to me about it first. I would’ve never done anything like that to them. It crushed everyone that cared for them. The future Nixon and I had talked about was now on hold as he was going to risk his life and possibly not come home. The feeling so unsettling, I still have anxiety to this day. And a week later, to the day…it was time for both to go. I didn’t think they’d actually leave, and certainly not so soon. But they did, their patriotism suddenly taking priority over the bonds we shared. And no matter how hard I tried to talk them out of it, I couldn’t. They’d already committed and made up their minds. Which is even crazier, because Nixon swore to me he’d never join after his dad died and Conner never talked about wanting to. To this day, Conner swears leaving was one hundred percent his choice, and maybe it was, but deep down, I know Nixon influenced him. I heard what I heard and saw the way Conner looked up to him. He was his role model. Up until then, Conner always had dreams to sail the world like our parents, not save the world and become a Navy SEAL. The worst part of all, as we said goodbye, Nixon broke up with me. He said he wanted me to follow my dreams, like he was, but that was the last thing I wanted. He didn’t want me waiting around. He wanted me to go on and live my life, but how could I when he’d become my life. I begged him to not end things, but he said it was for my own good. That he didn’t want me to end up alone like his mom. And as he let me go, I felt my insides dying, and to him, it seemed like it was no big fucking

deal. It felt like losing him then, or whether I’d lost him later in some tragic military incident, it was all the same. It took me years to let go of him, and the goddamn minute that I think I can actually move on and have something real with someone as good as Luke, here he fucking is, back in my life, not caring one bit about what he did to me, or about what I went through. Not apologizing about what he did to me back then or is doing to me now.

***

“You ever piloted before?” Luke asks Nixon over the radio as we are out on our second test run of the day. “No, I was part of a team that did tactical missions. Leaving the ship and going in on land, doing raids and searches.” Jesus, I’m already sick of how much Luke and Guy are sucking up to him. It’s Conner 2.0. “Why’d you leave?” “I got into it with my Captain and kicked the shit out of him. But I needed a change anyway.” I huff into the radio, knowing that’s a lie. He didn’t want a change. I’m sure of it. This can’t make him happy in the slightest. Clearly he always wanted to be a SEAL, even if he lied to me about joining, it all came out in the end. It’s not that I’m even mad at him anymore; I’ve let go of the past and moved on from all his shit. It was so long ago. I’ve done well for myself. I’m independent and happy and will never, ever depend on anyone again in my life. At least not the way I did him and my brother. Looking over at him as he sits back and looks out his window, I wonder, why come back here? I mean, this area is where he is from, but why the Coast Guard? “Hey, Cam, your brother ’s a SEAL, right?” Guy asks me. “Uh-huh.” “That’s cool,” Nixon responds, clearly not wanting the guys to know about our past, same as me. “We’ll be approaching the site in ninety seconds,” Luke says. “Ten-four,” I respond and unstrap my harness as Nixon does the same. “Are you sure you’re ready to do this?” I ask him sarcastically. “Hell yeah, I am.” I hook the repelling line to his harness and open the door to the helicopter. His eyes are on me, all over me. Taking a round life raft, I toss it out of the aircraft, watching it spill down to the ocean. “That’s your mark,” I tell him. “You have sixty seconds to bring it back up.” “You’re clear to descend,” Guy says. “Ready?”

He nods once and gets in position, and I don’t hesitate pushing the button that lowers him to the water. Looking down, it is a calm day. Squinting my eyes, I calculate how close he is to the ocean. He waves his arm signaling me to stop, but I can’t. Holding the button down all the way, it slams him into the Atlantic. “What the fuck, Cam?” Luke hollers at me, looking down at Nixon soaking wet in the water. “Sorry, my finger slipped.” “Your finger has never slipped, Cameron,” Guy scolds me. “What, you think I did that on purpose? I don’t usually run this thing; it seems a bit jerky.” Guy and Luke look at each other and I ask them, “What?” “You okay? You’ve seemed a little off today.” “No, I haven’t,” I argue back. “I’m fine.” “Whatever, bring him back up,” Guy says. Nixon is holding on to the life ring, and as I press the button to pull him back up, Luke asks me, “Are you sure you’re okay?” “Yeah, why would you think I’m not?” “You don’t seem like yourself.” “I’m a little out of my element without Seth here. Things are harder than I thought they’d be.” “Who’s Seth?” Nixon asks me. I forgot all about Nixon for a moment and as I look out the helicopter, he’s at the door. “He’s the guy who used to work with us.” “What, did you date him?” Nixon asks me, like he has a right to know and Luke winks at me, reminding me of the other night and what’s important—it’s not Nixon. I smile, remembering the way Luke’s lips felt on mine. “No, we just worked together for a long time.” “That’s cool,” Nixon responds, and I notice his jaw is clenched. “You dating anyone now?” he asks me, and I ignore him, not wanting to talk about my personal life. Plus, I don’t know what Luke and I are, if anything, and we didn’t tell Guy. Not that it’s a secret, but for now…it seems to be for the best. Nixon has no right to ask me anything. He lost that right when he left me, turning his back on me and taking away the future we were meant to have. He had no right to make those choices for me, regardless of his reasons. I deserved a say in it all.

Chapter 4 Nixon “You coming out with us, brother?” Guy asks me. I look at Cameron and can see how bothered she is by me. “Nah, I’m good. I’ve got other plans.” “Come on,” Luke says, “Just one drink, man. You kicked ass in training today—let’s celebrate.” Cameron puts her shoes on and I blink a few times contemplating what to do. “Come on, Cameron, tell him you want him to come.” “He’s a grown man,” she tells Luke. “Let him make his own damn decisions. He seems pretty capable to me.” Damn, what a jab. Did I really hurt her that bad? I mean, we were so young and I never told her I loved her or anything. She can’t still be holding on to the shit from the past…can she? I mean, I did it for her own good. I saw what losing my dad did to my mom, I couldn’t ask her to put her life on hold for me, in hopes I’d return and not be fucked up. “Where are you guys going?” I ask, considering one drink, just to get under her skin a little bit more. They both look at Cameron, like she’s their fuckin’ boss, and she shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t care.” “There’s a bar called Willy’s Oceanside,” Guy tells me. I’ve been there before, so I’m familiar with where it’s at. “You headed there now?” “Yeah.” “Cool, I’ll swing by and knock a few down with you guys.” Cameron sighs like the news of me joining is going to kill her. It’s the same sound she’s been giving me all goddamn day. Maybe she doesn’t want to be around me because she still can’t let me go, which is no way to live, in my opinion. But it’s not my fucking life…it’s hers. Reaching down, I grab my bag from the bench next to her and whisper in her ear, “Were you really that hung up on my dick?” “Fuck you,” she mutters back, and I turn around, loving how easily I can get to her. I’ve always been able to push her buttons and clearly still can. It’s one of the reasons I finally crossed the line with her. We’d always banter back and forth, most of which would turn into wrestling, until one night when it led to more. The second I was inside her tight pussy, it was as if she’d cast a fuckin’ spell over me. Nothing else mattered for the better part of the next year, except her. All I wanted to do was be around her, to be inside her. She consumed me, but it couldn’t stop fate from knocking at my door.

Saying goodbye to Luke and Guy, I leave and go straight to the bar. I really don’t have anything else to do tonight. I could text back any of the chicks that are blowing up my phone, but I’d rather get a jumpstart on drinking and find someone new to bang. Sitting on the rooftop deck at Willy’s Oceanside, I can see the Atlantic from my seat. “Here you go, Nixon,” the sexy blonde waitress says, setting down a pitcher of beer and two shots. I knock one back, noticing that she’s still standing there watching me. As I set the glass down, I look up at her and she says, “You don’t remember me, do you?” The feeling of mortification no longer exists, as this happens more often than not. First step, I look for a nametag, which is not there. But she has a nice rack. “Of course, I remember you,” I lie to her, knowing she’ll give in and tell me all about what we did, now that I’ve claimed to remember her. “You do?” “Yeah, absolutely.” “Then why didn’t you text me back?” “I had to get a new phone, dropped my other one on the job.” I shake my phone in front of her and she smiles at me. “So you started?” she asks me, and the fuzzy recollection starts to come back…I was drunk and rambling about my Coast Guard training. “Yeah, I’m actually meeting my crew here tonight.” “Nixon!” Luke shouts, walking up the stairs with Cameron and Guy behind him. “What’s up, brother?” I shake his hand and do the same to Guy, then awkwardly give Cameron a hug. Damn, she smells the same—that fucking smell of coconut and the ocean always got my cock excited. “I was just gonna order for you guys,” I tell them and the waitress says, “Hi, I’m Lucy. What can I get you all to drink?” Lucy, fuck, how could I forget her name was Lucy? “We’ll take a pitcher also. Stella’s good and four shots of tequila please,” Guy orders for them and passes her his card. “Keep em’ coming,” I tell Lucy, happy to take advantage of Guy’s card. I knock my other shot back since there is a third on its way. As she walks off, we all three stare at her, and Cameron clears her throat pulling us back to reality. “So, you guys come here often, or what?” I ask them, quickly recovering. “Sometimes,” Guys says, and I notice that Cameron is resting her head on her hand, looking out at the water. The guys don’t seem to notice her disconnect, so I ignore it too. “We go out occasionally, when we don’t have to work the next day,” Luke says. “But it really depends where we feel like going. There are so many cool spots here.” “Really? How do you not get sick and tired of each other?”

They look back and forth, and Cameron sighs…again. Lucy sets the shots, pitcher, and a stack of cups down. I can barely hear Cameron ordering something else from her. “To Nixon!” Luke exclaims, and Guy responds, “Here, here!” I slam my shot on the table and watch Cameron as she swallows hers without even raising her glass, then ask her, “Could I holler at you, alone, real quick?” I’m done with her bullshit. She shakes her head and goes back to staring out at the water. Lucy passes her whatever concoction she ordered and Guy asks her, “Cam, what’s going on?” “Nothing, I told you guys, I miss Seth. That’s all.” Luke pulls her against his chest and she hugs him closely. Seeing his hands on her lights a fire inside me. She’s not mine, I’m not fucking stupid, but I still don’t like the thought of anyone else touching her. She looks up at him and then closes her eyes, like he has some fucking power over her. Holy shit…she likes him. “Is that really all?” I ask her point blank, tired of her stupid games and hoping it’ll get her out of his arms. She ignores me and I flick her arm, forcing her to turn and look at me. “Don’t fucking touch me!” she snarls, overreacting to a little flick. I can sense the guys are shocked by her reaction, not sure what to do. “Is that really all?” I ask her again and finally Luke lets her go. “Just let her be, man,” Luke says, sticking up for her, and I sit back in my chair downing my beer, wishing she’d stop being such a bitch. “So sorry,” I respond with a sarcastic tone as an awkward void fills the air. I should tell them about us, but I sense it could complicate things even more, and possibly make the guys not like me. I need them on my side if I want this assignment to work out. And I really do— being in the air today was awesome. I loved it, and I can’t lie…I need the money. “I didn’t mean to touch you,” I tell her, as she still ignores me. “I only wanted to know what I did to upset you.” I can see the back of her head shake a little. She doesn’t want to discuss things or tell the guys about us. “You two good?” Luke asks us, as Guy is on his phone. “I am, if you are?” She nods and sets her empty drink down. Guy passes her his phone and says, “It’s Seth.” She smiles more than I’ve seen from her as she brings it to her ear and walks away to the railing to talk to him. “So they were really that close?” I ask. “Oh, yeah, and you’ll get there with her too. Give it a little time and go easy on her. She’s been through a lot in her life.” “Yeah? Like what?” I ask, curious as to what she’s told them. “Her parents left her when she was seventeen to sail around the world and right after, her

brother joined the Navy. He was her best friend and has only been home twice since he left,” Guy says. “Damn, that sucks.” “Yeah, so we’re all she’s got. Go easy on her, would ya?” “Sure thing.” I finish my beer and refill my glass from the pitcher, not able to help myself from staring at Cameron’s ass. Damn, she was hot back then, but she’s at a new fuckin’ level now! “So what’s your story, man?” Luke asks me. I told them a little earlier how I was a Navy SEAL, but I didn’t elaborate as I sensed Cameron tense the moment I brought it up. “Not much of a story. I’m laidback. I’m a work hard, play hard kinda guy. I’m addicted to surfing and women…really, that’s it. I’m pretty close with my family. They all live inland a bit.” “No steady woman in your life?” Luke asks. “Nah, but I did hit our waitress the other night,” I say with a grin. “You?” He shakes his head and they both chuckle as Guy says, “I have a girlfriend, Macey, been together for about a year now.” “She doesn’t mind you working with a girl and going out with her on your free nights?” “Nah, the girls are tight. Macey is a nurse so she works the night shift. Doesn’t leave much for me at home most evenings when I’m off.” Luke’s phone buzzes and he glances at it, then he says, “Hey, man, you ever been skydiving?” “Fuck yeah! Why?” “Tomorrow’s my birthday and we booked this big skydiving trip a while back. I totally forgot to tell them that Seth wasn’t coming now that he’s gone. Do you want to take his spot?” “You sure, bro? Cameron wouldn’t mind?” “No way, she’ll be fine with it.” “Fine with what?” she asks passing Guy back his cell phone. “I invited Nixon to jump with us tomorrow.” “Cool,” she responds, like it’s no big deal and waves Lucy back over. How did she go from not being able to stand me, to accepting the fact that I’m coming with them tomorrow? I mean, not that I’m complaining. I was getting pretty exhausted of her bitchy attitude. If she’s gonna be cool, then so am I. Lucy walks off, my eyes all over her ass, and she glances back at me, nodding that I follow her. “You guys excuse me real quick?” I ask. “Sure,” the guys respond and Cameron looks like she could be sick as I follow Lucy, smacking her ass and rushing her into the bathroom. She licks her lips and I make sure that I don’t forget her name, ‘cause I’m not only taking her home tonight, but I’m gonna snag a quick blow job before we go.

Chapter 5 Cameron “Cam?” my head is pounding as someone is banging on my front door. Getting up, I’m still wobbly. Goddammit, I drank way too much. “Coming!” I holler and stumble across the room. Opening the door, it’s Guy. He’s got a coffee in each hand, and I gladly accept it then gesture him inside. “How are you not hungover?” I ask as he looks like he’s ready for work. “I didn’t drink a dozen long island iced teas.” “I didn’t either,” I argue back, squinting up at him, the sun so bright coming through the windows it hurts. “Yeah, you did,” he reminds me. Dammit…I did and I pounded them hard after Nixon disappeared with our waitress. Who is he? I’m still disgusted thinking about it. “Where’s Macey?” “She’s not coming.” “Oh, come on. Not even to watch us jump?” “No, you know she hates it when we do this type of shit. She got the night off though, so she’ll be here later, for the barbecue. “I gotta take a few aspirin.” I head into my bathroom, hoping it’ll clear my headache, and yell out to him, “Did you see Luke’s gift? I put it on the counter?” My head pounds from talking so loudly. I hear Guy get it out of the bag. He and I went halfers on a sick ass Archimede 42 automatic watch, and I can’t wait for Luke to see it. I know how much he’s been wanting a new one; it’s the only thing he seemed to want. I was considering giving him a good fucking…but that was before Nixon came back. Now my whole head is fucked up regarding how I feel about taking things further with Luke. Not that it should matter, Nixon has clearly moved on, so I should too. Guy yells out, “So when were you gonna tell us that Nixon is your ex?” I blink a few times, stunned, staring at my flushed expression. Luke is gonna be pissed I didn’t tell him myself. Goddamn Seth! “That motherfucker told you guys?” “Come on, Cam, you know the rules. Seth might not be working with us anymore, but we don’t keep secrets from each other. Why didn’t you tell us?” “Because…it was a long time ago and…” I trail off, not even sure what to say to him. I should’ve told them, especially since I told Seth when I talked to him last night. But I needed his unbiased advice, and he said he wouldn’t tell Guy or Luke. He’d let me do it when I was ready, but

clearly he lied to me, like all men do. “It doesn’t matter, Guy. We dated when we were really young and now so much has changed.” “Clearly, not a lot has,” he jives back. “It all makes sense now, why you don’t like him.” “What else did Seth tell you?” I ask walking back into the living room. “Nothing, he said he was your ex and wanted us to know, so you didn’t end up hurt…again.” Walking up to my fridge, I grab a picture off of it. It’s of Conner, Nixon, and me. Passing it to Guy, I take a seat next to him as he studies it and says, “I knew he looked familiar.” “Was he in the Navy with Conner?” Guy asks me and I take the picture back, sipping on my coffee. “Yeah, they enlisted together.” “Is that why you hate Nixon?” “I don’t hate him. It’s a long story.” “I’m sure they had their reasons for joining.” “Oh what, like needing to live out a call to patriotism without even telling the ones you love? Then Nixon broke things off with me, ‘cause he didn’t want me to end up hurt, all while hurting me, leaving me sobbing on my hands and knees? Those are valid reasons?” He shakes his head, my outrage clearly a little dramatic, but I need him to understand that Nixon isn’t innocent in all of this and that my anger for him stems from his actions. “Exactly,” I tell him, “It wasn’t his choice to make, whether I stuck by him or not…it was mine. And then to convince my brother to go with him, it killed me.” “I couldn’t even imagine what you went through, Cam. I’m sorry.” “It’s not your fault. I’ve tried to let it go…but seeing him again has brought back so many fucking memories and emotions and things I just want to forget.” “Are you gonna be able to work with him?” “I just don’t know right now, Guy.” Guy’s phone rings and he checks to see who’s calling. Shit, it’s Luke. We gotta go. I run into my bedroom and quickly change, then brush my teeth and hair, not sure how I feel about spending the day with both Luke and Nixon. Searching within myself for the strength to get through it, I can do this. It’s Luke’s birthday. I can’t let anything ruin his day. As much as I hate Nixon, I have to put that behind me, for Luke. ***

“Are you excited?” I ask Luke, so thankful that my head has stopped hurting, and he gives me a tight hug. He hasn’t brought up a word about Nixon, or whatever Seth told him, so I’m not either, not on his birthday. “You know it,” he says looking down at me, staring at my lips, and Guy asks us, ruining the

moment, “What jump is this for us?” “Thirty-two,” Luke says and loosens his hold. “That’s insane. Best birthday ever,” Guy says. “Is this everyone?” the instructor asks us while we get ready. “Nah, we’ll have another guy joining us,” he tells her. “Is he licensed?” “I’m not sure,” Luke says, “He’s jumped before though.” “Okay, well, you all know the drill, get suited up.” The three of us are all USPA “A” licensed, so we can jump alone. I’m assuming Nixon isn’t, and I find a little satisfaction thinking that he’ll have to jump strapped to an instructor. As we all begin to change, Nixon strolls in like he’s hot shit with his own chute on and not wearing a shirt. Fuck, he didn’t used to be that hot. I force the thought into the back of my head. It doesn’t matter. “Sorry, I’m late, I was a little busy this morning.” Vomit rises in the back of my throat, knowing exactly what he’s referring to. “It’s all good, man. Glad you could make it,” Luke tells him. The guys shake hands and I notice a huge hickey on Nixon’s neck. What, is he in high school? “Morning, Cam.” He gives me a firm hug, holding me longer than I’d like. His hands on me send my heart into overdrive and I tell him, “Don’t call me that.” Trying to think of any jab that I can to get him to let me go. “Come on, when are you gonna let the past go?” Thankfully the instructor comes up behind Nixon and they begin to talk about the jump, so I don’t have to answer him. I overhear him tell her he’s licensed and has over a hundred jumps from the Navy. I had no idea what he did in the Navy—Conner would never tell me a thing about him and finally I stopped asking. I find myself full on watching Nixon talk, which has my insides pulsating, and not because I’m scared for the jump, but because I know I’m in for one hell of a day. Buried beneath the layers of the façade that I live under, Nixon awakens something inside of me, something that I’ve buried for years now and I don’t want to let out…I can’t. “You okay?” Luke asks me, pulling me out of my daydream. “Yeah, of course. I’m great.” He’s so sweet and caring as he pushes my hair behind my ear. I know he wants what is best for me, and obviously now that he knows about Nixon, even if he hasn’t said a word, his guard is up. “Sorry I invited him,” he says. “It’s all good.”

“You sure?” he asks me. “Yeah, I’ve let go of the past, we’re cool.” I hate to lie, but I don’t want Luke feeling bad on his birthday for something so stupid. “Plus, today’s about you.” Heading up in the plane, I love the smile and the expression on Luke and Guy’s faces; they were born to be in the sky. Don’t get me wrong, I love jumping too…but I prefer to be in the water. “We’re approaching twelve thousand five hundred feet,” the pilot says and the instructor opens the door to the plane. “Who’s first?” Guy and I look at Luke and he kneels at the door waiting for his signal to jump. Guy gestures me next, and I glance over my shoulder at Nixon. He’s watching me, his hands clasped together, his fucking hair in his face. He gives me a smirk as I brace my hands on the doorframe above my head, needing to get out of this place and away from the sexual tension that he’s putting off. My body courses with adrenaline, waiting to jump, and the split second I get the signal, I jump and flip to my back so I am looking up at the plane. Guy kneels in the doorway and waves at me. I look up at the sky, loving to watch myself falling away from it. Guy jumps and I flip over, knowing that I’m already nearing the pull zone. It’s amazing how fast you fall. It takes mere seconds to complete a jump. Looking down at Luke, he pulls his chute, and a few seconds later, I do the same. The pressure whips me upward, like I’m being yanked back by my hair. Keeping my landing target in site, I watch Luke gracefully plant his feet on the ground. Coming in right behind him, I let out the breath I was holding as I gather up my parachute and we watch Guy and Nixon coming down. Guy is as calm as ever, and Nixon…well, he’s screaming like a maniac, and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s scared or he’s enjoying himself. Guy lands and looks behind him as he walks over to us. “Is that Nixon?” “Yup.” We all watch as he inches closer and closer to the ground. Obviously, he’s loving it, coming in super fast. His hot pink parachute makes me laugh; the guy is crazy, that’s for sure. You can see the excitement on his face as his eyes are wide open, and the three of us bust up laughing. He lands in one piece on the ground, his knees buckle a little from the impact, and his noises don’t stop. He looks around wildly, searching the scenery then screams again, a loud, “Wooooooooo!” As he looks at us, Guy asks him, “You love that, don’t you, man?” “Yeah, bro, I do. Jumping’s fucking awesome.” The three of us exchange a glance and for a brief moment, I get a glimpse into the old Nixon. Into who he used to be, before he became this version. The version of a man who’s so familiar, yet someone I don’t know at all, and it hurts really bad, because I remember he was so fun and exciting.

Chapter 6 Nixon “You coming with us to Cameron’s?” Guy asks me. “Nah, man, I don’t think so. I don’t want to barge in on your day.” “You’re not barging in. Luke invited you.” “You sure, bro?” “Yeah, of course.” “Well, all right, you have her address?” “Yo, Cam?” Guy shouts across the parking lot to her as she and Luke are exiting the building together, laughing and walking all close. “Yeah, what’s up?” “What’s your address? I invited Nixon to the barbecue.” She rolls her eyes and I really don’t want to go now. “You know what? I’ve got some other stuff to do. You guys have fun. I’ll text you if I can make it.” “Come on, dude, it’s cool,” he says. Cam and Luke walk up to us, and Guy adds in, “Nixon, why don’t you drive Cameron back to her place? I’ve gotta go pick up Macey, and Luke has to run by his parents’, right, Luke?” Cameron looks at them both shocked. “Are you guys for real?” she snorts. “What’s the big deal?” Guy asks. “You know what the big deal is.” Right then, I’m aware that she’s told them we used to date. He must be pushing me to drive her, so we can work past our issues, which I don’t think is a bad idea. I don’t want to fight with her. I want everything to be chill. “Come on, let me drive you. I won’t even speak, if you don’t want me to.” She looks at me, then the guys, contemplating what to do. Luke gives her a smile, like he’s giving her his permission to come with me, and I roll my eyes as she says, “Not a fucking word.” I show her my patented grin as we say goodbye and then get in my truck. Sitting next to her, she is so different than she used to be. She’s fucking strong-willed and knows exactly what she wants and is not afraid to say it. Maybe me leaving her made her that way. As she puts on her seatbelt I ask her, “Where do you live?” “Beachside, in Jupiter.” “Really? Me too,” I tell her, starting my truck. She ignores me and I back out, heading east. Cameron has her hands in her lap and is looking out the window. I can’t see her face, and it’s fucking

annoying how she ignores me, like I don’t exist. The silence in the car is making me want a nap. Turning on the stereo, I look to get any reaction out of her, but get none, and finally say to her, “Come on, you can’t ignore my charm forever,” hoping to get her to open up. She turns towards me, tears in her eyes. As I gaze over at her, she finally speaks, “Why? Because you want me to?” “No, because this isn’t a healthy way to live.” “And you think the way you’re living is healthy?” she asks me. “This isn’t about me,” I tell her. “But it is, Nixon, it’s all about you.” “Cam, I’m fine, it’s you I’m worried about.” “Don’t act like you care about me,” she says, wiping her eyes dry. “You know I care about you.” “That’s bullshit, Nixon. You don’t care about anyone but yourself. Do you not remember what you did to me?” “I didn’t have another choice.” “You still believe that?” “Yes, I sent you a letter and told you what happened to five guys in my graduating class the week we got out there.” “I know, I got it and I was so grateful that it wasn’t you or Conner that were killed, but leaving me was just as hard.” I hate that I hurt her; I can still see the pain in her eyes now. “Now that you’re done with the Navy and nothing bad happened to you, is that still what you believe?” “Yeah.” I’m not honest in my answer, but there’s no going back now. I’m too fucked up. Too much shit has happened to make this right. She’ll never look at me the same way again and nothing can ever change that. “Okay, this obviously isn’t going to work. You need to put in for a transfer.” “Why? Because I left you? I did you a fucking favor. Don’t you see that?” “No, Nixon, you broke my fucking heart. You promised me a future and then took it away like you had the power to decide for both of us.” “I never promised you anything. I told you, I didn’t want you waiting around for me or to end up going through what my mom did.” “Listen to yourself! You’ve brainwashed yourself into forgetting the past, into forgetting what we were. Do you not remember all the things we used to talk about? Did you think I was too weak and couldn’t handle it?” “I knew you could handle it…but it wasn’t fair for me to ask you to. I was following my heart, it was what I was meant to do. But it just didn’t work out how I’d planned.” “So what, are you saying you regret it now?” “I have too many regrets in life, leaving being just one of them.”

“Must really suck to be you, then.” “You have no fucking idea, but we both know that me leaving was the best thing that’s happened to you.” “Don’t act like you did me a solid.” “I did and you know it deep down.” “Fuck you, Nixon. You need to stop saying that and take some accountability for your actions.” “Think about things. You’ve done really well for yourself without me. You have a sweet job and solid friends. You’ve changed a lot, I can see that, and…” I trail off, not really sure how to express what I’m feeling. “And what?” And nothing. I’m not going to tell her what I’m really thinking or acknowledge what seeing her again is doing to me. It’s for the best, and one day she’ll understand that. She’s silent the rest of the drive. We leave the conversation as is—unfinished. “This is it,” Cameron says as I park on the street in front of her condo. I go to get out and she says, “I really want you to put in for a transfer.” “Okay, okay, I’ll talk to Mack.” She looks at me, stunned by my response. I mean, I’ll ask him about other opportunities the next time I see him, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to transfer. As we get out of my truck, I hear the water crashing against the shore. She’s the same way I am with her love of the ocean. “You still surf?” I ask her. “Yeah.” Following her upstairs, my eyes are on her ass. It hasn’t changed one bit; her shorts are so tight and hug it perfectly. Reaching for it, I grab a handful of each cheek with both hands and squeeze hard —her butt was always my favorite. She whips around and hits my arms. “What the fuck, Nix?” “Sorry, I literally couldn’t help myself.” “Well, don’t let that shit happen again.” She opens the door to her condo and it looks how I imagined. There is a loud chime ringing, and she runs to her laptop and turns it on. “Conner?” she calls out and I look at the screen as his familiar face comes into view. “Hey sis! Did I catch you at an okay time?” “Always!” She sits right down and I observe the way her face lights up. They are still as close as they were the day we left. Another regret, I live with. As they talk, I find myself inching closer and closer to her and then kneel next to her chair as I look at Conner ’s face closely on the screen. It feels like forever since I’ve seen him and I’ve only been gone seven months. “Nixon?” he quizzically asks. “What’s up, bro?”

“Holy shit, how are you?” “I’m good, brother. Loving being home.” “What are you doing with Cam? You guys aren’t back together, are you?” he asks, confused. “No way!” she blurts out, and I tell him, “It’s a long story. I’m in the Coast Guard now and somehow got stationed with her.” He nods and looks between the two of us. “God, it’s so good to see you guys together.” “We aren’t together,” Cameron reiterates. “Come on, you know what I mean; it’s good to see both my favorite people at once.” The three of us get lost in a whirlwind of conversation, from flashbacks to the good old days, to how things are currently. Talking with the both of them makes me briefly forget about the pain, about all the bad shit I did and saw when I was a SEAL. Time passes quickly and then suddenly the feed goes out and the screen turns black. Cameron frantically moves her finger over the mouse back and forth. Then checks the power cord. “Conner, can you still hear us?” He doesn’t respond. “Shit, we must’ve lost him,” I tell her. “Yeah, I guess so,” she says dismally, sitting there staring at the screen, saddened that he’s gone. Seeing the disappointment on her sends a twinge of remorse through me. I shouldn’t have let him go. I should’ve made him stay to protect her. Instead, being selfish, thinking I needed a friend to get me through the Navy, I took him with me. I was so young and that was just one of the many mistakes I made. One on the list of many. All for what? Hurting those closest to me and not even being a SEAL at the end of it all?

Chapter 7 Cameron Blinking away the tears so Nixon doesn’t see me cry, I’m grateful when there is a knock on my door. Getting up and out of these close confines, his arm touching my back as he has it resting on my chair, I head to the foyer. I’m glad to see not only the guys, but Macey too. I can definitely use her advice right about now. Luke and Guy carry in an arsenal of food and liquor as Macey and I exchange a hug. “What’s the matter?” she asks me, knowing right away that something is up. “Nothing. I’m good.” “You sure?” “Yeah, I was just talking to Conner and lost the connection.” “I’m sorry, babe,” she says and pulls me into a tight embrace. “Guy told me about your ex. So that’s him?” “Yup,” I tell her right as she is introduced to him. Turning away from them, I begin stocking everything in the fridge, and Luke brushes up against me. Peeking in the fridge, “Did you make me a cake?” he asks and I push him away, laughing as he almost falls backwards. Nixon’s eyes are on us and Luke cracks us two beers. “Was everything cool with him?” he asks me as we each take a sip. “Yeah,” I tell him, looking into his brown eyes. He pulls me into a hug, and I realize the closeness with Luke does nothing to me compared to the way the closeness with Nixon always brought my insides alive. “Thanks for having this here,” he says and takes two more beers over to Guy and Nixon. The men all settle out on my patio, and Macey and I prep the food to cook. “So, what are you feeling about working with your ex?” “Hah!” I laugh out far too loudly. “Uhh, it’s the most awkward thing ever. I told him I want him to put in for a transfer, so hopefully I don’t have to deal with him that much longer.” Macey smiles at me, obviously lost for words and takes the plate of meat outside for Guy to put on the grill. I wash my hands and as I look up, Nixon is watching me. He grins and comes in, finishing his beer as he walks, his lips wrapped so tightly around the end of the bottle. Reaching around me, he throws it away in the trashcan. I tense from him touching me again. He’s close to me, my body backed up against the countertop. I try not to look at him, or smell him for that matter, as he opens a few cabinets and peeks inside, snooping around. Pulling myself out of my clouded daydream, I tell him, “Sure, just make yourself right at home.” He smirks at me and grabs another beer from the fridge. When he closes the door and goes to respond to me, the picture of him, Conner, and I catches

his eye. He takes it off the fridge, studying it, and then looks at my chest before asking, “Did you get tit implants?” “Oh my God, Nixon, what kind of question is that!?” “Would you calm down? It’s a legitimate question.” “What is it with you and my body today?” “Nothing, it’s you…you look good…really good, that’s all.” “Well, thanks. ‘Cause you look like shit! You should really hit the gym,” I tell him and breeze past him with a tray of appetizers that I take outside. He follows behind me and I sit in his chair before he can, but he’s not fazed as he sits on the arm. “For real?” “What? This is my chair.” “No, it’s not. It’s mine.” “Okay, you two,” Guy chimes in, “Could you try and not fight?” “Hey…at least they are talking,” Macey adds and I notice Luke looking down, peeling the label from his beer. “Yeah, we are talking. So Nixon, did you tell them that you are putting in for a transfer?” “What? Why? You just started, man,” Guy asks and Luke looks at me. I give him a wink. Clearly he’s not the biggest fan of Nixon, and I can’t blame him—I’m not either. “I didn’t say I was going to put in for a transfer, I said I’d talk to Mack the next time I saw him. But that doesn’t mean I’m transferring.” “Seriously, that’s how you’re going to play this? You told me a little while ago that you would transfer.” “No, you heard what you wanted to. My exact words were, ‘I’ll talk to Mack.’” “Why are you doing this?” “I’m not doing anything. You’re the one who’s got the issues with me because I did you a favor.”

***

The table keeps getting blurrier as I hold the tiny white ping pong ball in my hand. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make it into one of the cups or not, but as I bounce it on the wood and it goes in again, I find satisfaction knowing that Nixon is going to have to drink another cup of beer because of me. The final round is down to the two of us. He now has three cups left in front of him and I have six. Macey is sleeping on Guy’s chest on my couch, and Luke is reheating himself something to eat in the kitchen. It’s amazing what the power of alcohol does to make you be able to tolerate time with someone you loathe. “You know you can give up now,” I tease him.

“No, fuck that. You give up.” “No way!” We continue to shoot back and forth, both of us relentless, neither of us backing down, and he hits a few of my cups, while I only make it in one more of his. Luke comes over to me with a plate of food that I eyeball, and he sticks something from it in my mouth. Looking over at Nixon as I take it from his fingers, I can tell he tenses. Oh my God, he’s fucking jealous. I smile, chewing, and he shoots his ball, missing my cups. “Give me another bite?” I ask Luke and he sticks a chip covered in dip into my mouth, and as I chew it, I look Nixon in the eye, surprised to see him tense the way he does each time Luke feeds me. I shoot my ball, landing it right in his cup. “You fucker,” he sneers at me and I wink at him as Luke continues to share his food. “Let me try some of that,” I tell him, not even sure why I’m trying to make Nixon jealous— maybe so I can hurt him, like he’s done to me. He shoves more food in my direction. Clearly we are all drunk, and I hear the ball hit the table then bounce and hit the floor. I look at it roll away and ask him, “You sure you don’t want to quit?” He shakes his head, keeping his eyes locked on mine, and I aim for his last cup focusing hard on it, but I miss. “Hey, Luke, could you grab me another beer, bro?” Nixon asks him, and he nods, walking off. I glance back as he tosses his plate in the trash, then realize Nixon only wanted Luke away from me. He’s got beer right in front of him to drink; he doesn’t need more. “You wanna forfeit before I shoot this?” I ask again, giving him one last chance. “What’s in it for me?” “Nothing!” “Then I don’t wanna forfeit shit.” He leans over, bracing his weight on the table, his forearms flexing as his body hovers over the cups. He has such an amazing body, and my mind flashes back to him naked and his cock. Luke walks up to him, handing him a beer as I struggle to get my head straight. He takes the beer right as I throw the ball, unfortunately missing. With a grin from ear to ear, Nixon unleashes a bunch of lucky shots on my remaining cups. My throat burns from all the beer, and I look over at him speechless. Luke gives him a high five, like he’s on his side, and I flip them off. When did these two become all buddy-buddy? Macey wakes from the sound of the two guys’ hands slapping together and asks, “What time is it?” I look at the clock, squinting my eyes, but it doesn’t help. I can’t read it. “It’s one thirty,” Nixon tells her and Macey asks Luke, “Are you ready to get going, birthday boy?” “Sure,” he says, looking at me. I can see he doesn’t want to go; he wants to stay. But I’m in no shape for entertaining—I’m too drunk—and with Nixon being back, the feelings I was having for Luke…are fading away. This is all so confusing. I should ask Luke to stay, it’s his birthday after all.

My mind is telling me to go with Luke, to give him a chance and see where things would go. He wouldn’t hurt me, that much I know. He is the right choice, the safe choice. But my heart is pulling me in the other direction. Even if I get dragged through the depths of hell, it’s telling me it’ll all be worth it in the end. That’s how strong the bond that Nixon and I shared was. Luke hugs me for far too long, and as I hold him back, waiting for the spark, that attraction, it doesn’t come and I can see the disappointment in his eye. The three of them leave and I figure Nixon will do the same, but he doesn’t. He’s staring at me as he shuts my door then asks me, “So what, you like him?” “Who?” I question him, stalling knowing he means Luke, but not sure if I should tell him or not. “Luke. You like him, or what? He’s clearly into you. I can see he wants to fuck your tight pussy.” “Oh my God!” I yell at him, my words slurred from so much alcohol. But his words have me clenching my thighs. As much as I don’t want to admit it…they do. I should totally tell him that Luke and I fucked…it would hurt him. But, it won’t help anything, and that’s not the kind of person I am. No matter how bad Nixon hurt me, I won’t stoop to his level. “No way, he’s my friend, end of story.” “Then, what am I?” he asks, stepping a little too close for my comfort. My face flushes, the control he used to have over me is trying to scratch its way to the surface. “You’re the asshole who broke my heart.” “That’s it? That’s all I am?” “Nixon, I can think of a lot of other words to call you, but I’m exhausted.” All of a sudden he swoops me off my feet and I gawk at him, wanting to fight him to put me down, but his hands on me feel so good, just the way they used to and I fuckin’ miss it. My body is cradled against his hard chest. Jesus, he got big. “What the fuck are you doing?” I ask while he carries me into my bedroom. “I’m taking you to bed.” “No! Let me down.” “Would you shut the fuck up and stop being such a nag for once? I’m not going to do shit to you.” I didn’t expect him to respond like that. What am I supposed to say back to him? As my body sways from the motions, he tenderly lays me on top of my bed. Taking a seat on the edge next to me, he looks down at me. His blue eyes glimmering in the low light of my room. My eyes are heavy as deep blinks take over and I quickly lose focus on him. But I can still feel his hand as he runs his fingers through my hair, the same way he used to. It was my favorite. I hold on to the feeling and cognizance for as long as I can, relishing in his touch again. But my body drifts off to sleep, and as I slip from the awareness of reality he says something…

Chapter 8 Nixon “Oh fuck!” someone mumbles next to me and I wrack my brain to recall what happened last night. What’s her name, what’s her name? Fuck, I really need to get better with names. Maybe I should write them on my arm or something. Then out of nowhere, I’m being pushed out of the bed and open my eyes to see a very angry Cameron looking at me. “Get out!” she yells and I grab both of her wrists stopping her crazy outburst. She’s strong as hell as she fights against me, but I’m stronger. “What’s your problem, girl?” I question her, holding her in my grip. “You! You are! Why are you here, in my bed?” Her chest is moving up and down, her large tits lively as she’s fighting me to let her go and I find myself staring at them. “You sure you didn’t get a boob job?” My comment pisses her off even more, and she starts to buck and fight wildly for me to release her. “Let me go!” she screams. “No! Answer the question.” “I hate you, Nixon!” “Oh, hate’s a strong word, baby.” We wrestle back and forth, all while I have a constant grin on my face. Jesus, I love getting a rise out of her and playing with her like this. Then before I know it, she’s on her back and I’m straddling her body. Both of us are still clothed from the day before, but being this close to her again, like this, has my dick throbbing. Then she starts to buck underneath me and I ask her, “If I let your hands go, will you stop?” “If you get out of my bed.” “Why? We already fucked last night!” I tell her, messing with her, and she freezes, her face turning white like she’s seen a ghost. “What are you talking about?” “You don’t remember?” “Nixon, why would you take advantage of me like that?” She’s mortified and I tell her, “You took advantage of me. I was asleep and you fucked me so good with that sweet pussy of yours. God, I missed it.” She looks like she’s about to cry and I stop messing around. “Would you lighten up? Nothing happened last night. We both passed out. That’s it.”

Letting go of her, she pushes me aside, then scrambles off the bed. “I’m going to shower. By the time I get out, I want you gone.” Still sitting on her bed, I watch her walk off, her round ass jiggling with each step. She doesn’t look at me as she slams the door, and I lie back on her bed, not wanting to leave. The truth is, I don’t like doing anything she tells me to. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I look to see my mom calling. “Hey, Ma.” “I hope you didn’t forget about your grandma’s birthday.” “Of course I didn’t. I’m going to get her a gift today.” “Good, and you’re still coming to the party?” “Yeah, I’ll be there.” “Okay, baby, it’s so good to have you back home. I love you, Nixon.” “Love you too, Ma.” We hang up and I get off Cameron’s bed to leave, but as I walk towards the bedroom door, I see another picture of her, Conner, and I. It was taken the summer before we left. She’s got the biggest smile on her face as my arms are wrapped tightly around her body and my chin is resting on the top of her head. Lifting it up, so I can get a better look, that day comes flooding back into my mind, like it was yesterday. We didn’t have a fucking stress in the world. It was always the three of us having fun. We were at my aunt’s house when this was taken, reminding me how much my family loved both Cameron and Conner. Getting a wild idea, I follow my gut knowing I’ve got nothing to lose and walk into her bathroom. She peers out from behind the shower curtain, and I wink as I pull my dick out and lift her toilet seat draining the rest of last night’s beer. Her eyes stay on my dick for a few seconds before she tosses the curtain closed. I tease her, “You like what you see?” Then I grab her toothbrush and toothpaste. She peeks out again; I catch her in the reflection of the mirror. “Oh my God, you’ve got to be kidding me.” “What?” I ask as I begin to brush my teeth. “You just make yourself at home, don’t you?” “Is that a problem?” I respond through a mouthful of suds. “Why are you still here?” I shrug my shoulders, wanting to invite her to come with me to get my grandma a gift today, but the sudden fear of rejection stops me from asking her. Which isn’t like me. Leaning back against the sink, I look in her direction, wondering what things would be like had I not left years ago. Would we still be together or would we have gone our separate ways? Would I be

the same as I was back then, or still ended up fucked up, like I am now? The shower turns off and she asks, “Would you hand me a towel?” Still brushing my teeth, I grab her a towel and place it in her outstretched hand that is sticking out from behind the curtain. Not able to help myself, I peer in at her. She’s so gorgeous, fucking beautiful as ever. I finish brushing my teeth right as she gets out. She leaves the bathroom as if I have the plague and heads straight into her closet. I go into the kitchen and start a pot of coffee, knowing she can’t hide in there forever. As I wait for her to come out, I spot her phone and can’t help myself from looking at it. There are a few missed text message from Luke, Guy, Macey, and Seth. I’m tempted to go into them, but know I have no right to. So I instead program my number in case she ever needs me…or gets lonely. The coffee finishes and I pour us each a cup. When she finally appears, I tell her, “I made coffee.” “Jesus, why are you still here?” “I have a question for you.” She rolls her eyes, taking a sip of the coffee and then begins to clean up from the night before. “I’d really rather you leave.” “Would you?” I ask her. “Yes.” “Come on, Cam, we’re going to be working together every day. You’ve gotta forgive me.” She whips around, her wet hair flying. “No, we are not going to be working together. You said you’d put in for a transfer.” “I’m not gonna do that.” “Why the fuck not?” she scoffs at me. “Why should I? Because we used to fuck and you can’t get over the fact that I broke up with you?” “Is that really all you thought of us, that we fucked? Do you not remember what we were?” I’ve done my best to bury all my memories of Cameron and what we were, to move on in life, to ease my own pain and regret, so everything that we were is really a blur. Every now and then when I dig deep or see a picture like I have being at her house, I get bits and pieces back. “Cam—” “Don’t! Would you stop fucking calling me that?” “Why? These guys you work with can do whatever they want. They can flirt with you and feed you and call you ‘Cam,’ but you can’t even have a conversation with me?” She stops cleaning and walks up to me, standing only a few inches from my face. Her eyes are glassy…she’s tired. “You wanna fuckin’ talk, then talk,” she yells. I swallow, her scent invading me, making it hard to focus. It brings back so many memories that I’ve worked so hard to forget. I breathe her in again, getting lost in my own head as I close my eyes, and she says, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Grabbing the back of her head, I pull her lips to mine, molding my mouth over hers, controlling her the way she likes. She stays still for a moment, but then fights back and pushes me away. Storming past me, she yanks open her door and says, “Leave! Now!” As much as I don’t want to, she’s got the same look in her eye as she did when I left her to join the Navy—hurt, anger, betrayal. Going forward, no matter what I do, that is how she’s going to always look at me.

Chapter 9 Cameron One of the best things I love about my life is my job. Well…that was before Nixon became my new crewmate. As I finish stocking the inventory of medical supplies for the day, I’m grateful that this is our last shift of the week, especially because all I’ve heard the past four days is Nixon being all friendly with Guy. “Here,” Luke says walking up and handing me a coffee. “I tried to call you last night.” “I crashed early. I’ve been exhausted lately.” “Were you alone?” he asks me. “Yeah, why?” “No reason.” Guy and Nixon walk up to us and Nixon asks, “Where’s our coffee?” “I texted him and asked him to bring it for me.” “And you didn’t ask us?” Guy states. “That’s lame. Come on, Guy, I’ll make ya a cup,” Nixon tells him and they walk off laughing. It’s like the two of them have worked together for years. Luke goes to change and my attention is drawn to Nixon, my mind giving me a flashback to his lips on mine as he grabbed me and kissed me and then how I angrily pushed him away. God, I wish Seth hadn’t left. Things would be so much easier if they went back to how they were a few weeks ago. Even if Nixon were working here but was on another crew, it would be better. But I’m not about to go to Mack and complain ‘cause all that will do is get my ass yelled at. He won’t move Nixon; his motto is, you got a problem, work through it as a team. As Guy and Luke get positioned in the cockpit, Nixon and I take our seats in the back. I really hope today goes by fast ‘cause I need to unwind tonight and to do it away from Nixon. Upon lift off, we get a call over the radio of an injured person on a vessel seven miles out. Luke talks with the dispatcher and confirms that we’ll take the call. I listen over the radio to the details of what we are about to go into. “Male, age fifty-three, right leg impaled by a swordfish.” Jesus, this happens all the time. Guy pushes the chopper to the max and says, “T minus three minutes until arrival.” “You want me to go down?” Nixon asks me. “No, why?” I question him back. Does he think I can’t do my job?

“‘Cause you’ll have to saw the bill off the fish before bringing the patient up.” “I’ve done it before. This will be my—” “She’s got this shit,” Luke cuts me off and it’s the truth. We get these calls all the time, being as close as we are to the Gulfstream. A lot of amateur fishermen head out and don’t realize the power and danger these fish possess. “T minus one minute,” Guy responds and I unstrap. Nixon does the same, helping me with my harness, and I look to the side, not paying attention to his hands on my waist, as I try pushing down my heart rate. Upon arriving on the scene, there is a ton of blood all over the boat. Opening our tool bag, I remove the jigsaw and pop a fresh battery on it. Nixon takes it from me and places it in the basket, and then I begin my descent. Looking down as Nixon lowers me, there is a crew on deck that greets me. Normally I’d be filled with adrenaline and excitement to save someone’s life. But today…I’m just blah. Once my feet are firmly planted on their boat, I remove the drop line so Nixon can send the basket down to me. I signal to tell him that I am clear and then ask the men on board, “How long ago did this happen?” “About thirty minutes,” someone says. I move to the man that is attached to the at least two hundred-pound fish. “We can’t get it out of his leg,” someone says to me. “You don’t want to,” I tell them. “He’ll bleed to death.” I spot the basket coming down. “You okay?” I ask the injured man. He nods and I grab the jigsaw. Once I have it, I give Nixon the go-ahead and run back to the man. “I’m going to saw the bill off the fish. I need you to stay still, okay?” Rapidly he nods, his face sweaty, and as I place the blade to the fish, he turns white. “Stay with me,” I tell him and begin. “We’ll have you at the hospital before you know it.” I make quick work of the job, and as I finish I look up at him. He’s still awake. Thank God. One of his crew helps me get him into the basket, and Nixon takes him up into the helicopter. Then I’m brought up and we take the man, who’s surprisingly calm, to get the medical attention he needs. During the flight, Nixon and I work on him together. He is the first real patient that Nixon and I have had and we are in a good rhythm. No drama or bullshit from the past, just the task at hand. We’ve been out on many calls and test runs since Nixon joined, but never had to bring anyone up, until today. As Guy lands on the roof of the hospital, we are immediately greeted by staff who take the patient away. Nixon gives me a side hug and says, “Good job, Cam.” I don’t hug him back. I can’t let myself dive into these feelings that he brings out of me. He’ll just hurt me again and I know it. Getting back into the helicopter, we finish out the day the same way we have been. Them yakking it up and me…I’m silent.

“You guys wanna go to the Taco Shack tonight?” Luke asks, as the four of us walk out of work. “Hell yeah!” Guy responds. “I could use a good margarita.” “I’m gonna pass. You guys go.” “What?” they look at me. I haven’t missed a night out since we started working together. But the truth is, I can’t be around Nixon anymore. I’m exhausted and need some time apart. “Why?” “I’m tired, that’s all.” “No, fuck that, you’re coming out,” Luke orders me. Nixon is studying me and I gaze up at him, hoping he’ll catch my drift, ‘cause Guy and Luke aren’t going to let me bail “You in, man?” Guy asks him. “I can’t,” he says, “I’ve got some lady plans tonight, guys.” They accept his rejection and the three of us leave together, while Nixon goes God only knows where.

***

“We’ll take another round,” Luke says to the bartender. Guy bailed on us hours ago, so it’s just him and me. “So you think you and Nixon will ever get past the shit he put you through?” Luke asks me. “I don’t know, it’s not even about the past anymore. He’s not the same guy as he was when he left. ” “What do you mean?” “It doesn’t matter, Luke.” He rolls his eyes at me and says, “Come on. Be honest, did you really see yourself being with a guy like him long-term?” I really did, but I’m not sure how to tell Luke that. “He was different back then. You don’t know the Nixon he used to be.” “He’d have to be like a one-eighty different, ‘cause this guy is something else. I mean, who walks into a skydiving place, late, covered in hickeys, with their own chute on, shirtless?” “Nixon!” We both laugh and then Luke says, “See what I mean? Normal people don’t do that.” “I know, that’s why I’m saying he used to be so different.” “Different, how?” “He put me at the center of his world. I was his everything. Then one day, I wasn’t. Losing him was the hardest thing I’d ever been through.” I’m honest with Luke, because I want him to know the truth. “Why do you really think he did it?” “I don’t know. He says it was to protect me, but it killed me. How is that protecting someone? Now, I’m miserable being around him; the pain is still there from what he did. He gets into my head.

Typically saving someone the way I did today would have been an adrenaline rush and made me feel fulfilled. But it was like I was going through the motions, the way I was trained, but I wasn’t happy. When we fly, I sit back and try and drown him out.” “Cam, did you ever think that maybe what he did was the right thing? I mean, let’s be honest, he’s not good enough for you.” I smile at Luke’s comment; he’s so sweet. “No, I never thought of it like that.” And I didn’t, I was too broken up to ever see any good in him and Conner leaving. Maybe I should’ve. They left to fight for our country, our freedom, and risked their lives doing it. Luke cups my face, and I blink a few times, caught off guard by his public display of affection. “Well, I think you should. He doesn’t deserve you. He didn’t then and he sure as hell doesn’t now.” Taking his hand in mine, the feelings I once had aren’t there anymore and I don’t want Luke to get the wrong idea. I can tell by the way he’s speaking there is more to what he’s saying than he’s letting on. “Cam, I’m not sure if you’re feeling what I am, or if you need some more time. But since we hooked up, you’re all I can think about. I know I’m no Nixon Andrews, but I promise you this, I’ll never, ever, hurt you. I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy…if you’ll let me.” I nod, hearing his words and as I try to process them, the entire room around me spins. Maybe I’m hearing things and he’s not even speaking. It could be the alcohol. “Luke…that’s sweet of you,” I barely choke out. “Well, it’s the truth, as honest as I’ve ever been with you, Cam. I…I…” The way he’s looking at me is making me nervous and I scurry up off my seat. “Can you hold that thought real quick?” he nods and we separate hands then I stumble off. Needing fresh air, I…I…what? He wasn’t about to tell me he loved me, was he? Leaving the bar, I walk out into the hot and humid Florida night. There is a cab parked in front of me, and I just get inside, not even thinking about what leaving is going to do to Luke. But if I don’t go, I’m not sure what’ll happen, and I don’t want to hurt him, I know how it feels. Rejection is the worst thing you can do to another person, and Luke is one of my best friends. I can’t do that to him…

Chapter 10 Nixon Standing at her door, my damn palms are sweaty. I raise my hand to knock, but stop. What the fuck am I thinking? What am I even doing here? Turning my back, I head downstairs and out of her building. I let her go for a reason; I need to stick with that decision. She’ll never look at me the same way she used to, we’ll never have what we had again…that seems obvious. Hopping in my truck to leave, I pull out my cell phone and text the last chick that messaged me. I don’t even care who she is, I just need a good fucking tonight. As I hit send, I stick the key in the ignition and a taxi pulls up in front of me. The rear door opens and out stumbles Cameron. She’s blitzed out of her mind as she trips on the curb, falling to her hands and knees. The taxi drives off, leaving her, and I shake my head, pissed at her for getting this drunk. What the fuck is she thinking? The last thing she’ll want to see is me, but she can’t even open the door to her building. Getting out angry, I help her stand. She looks up at me and for the first time since I’ve been back, she smiles at me, softening my heart, a sight I’ve fucking missed. “Nixon,” she slurs, her breath mixed with tequila and mint. “What are you doing here?” I ignore her question and help her inside. She clings to me, her head hanging low, and she keeps tripping on the steps. “How much did you have to drink?” I ask her. “Who cares?” “Give me your keys,” I demand, and when she does, I lift her up and toss her over my shoulder. She laughs for a moment and then silences, swaying with the motions as I carry her into her apartment. Tossing her down on her bed, her long messy hair fans out around her. God, she’s so hot. “Did Guy and Luke let you get this drunk?” I ask her. “I don’t need anybody to let me do shit.” She rolls to her side and pats the bed next to her, but I decline shaking my head. If I sit, I might end up fucking her—right here, right now. And I can’t take advantage of her like that. We’d both hate ourselves tomorrow if anything happened, especially with how drunk she is. “Stop being such a pussy and sit down.” Against my better judgment I listen to her. “I should fuck him up for letting you drink so much.” “You do that, Mister Tough Guy.” “I will. Was Guy there with you?”

“He left early like a pussy. It was just Luke and me. You know…I fucked him a while ago and now he likes me.” “What the fuck? When?” I grind my teeth hearing that she slept with him. It makes me want to smash his face in. “Right before you came back.” Her eyes are heavy as she’s talking to me through long blinks. “Do you like him?” I ask her, dreading her response. “I thought I did…until you came back and fucked everything up.” She glances up at me, yawning through her tired eyes. “Why are you here?” I shrug my shoulders, not completely sure myself. She scoots a little closer to me, her face now resting on my thigh, and I touch her cheek. Closing my eyes, her warm skin beneath my cool fingers feels so fuckin’ good. She asks me, “Did you miss me, when you were gone?” “Every day,” I whisper, and for the first time, I truly acknowledge the regret I have about leaving her. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done and the worst decision I’ve ever made. Quickly, she drifts off to sleep, her lips slightly parted, drawing me to them. My cock throbs, wanting her in every way imaginable. Leaning down, I breathe her in, taking my hand from her cheek and running a knuckle over her lips. She mumbles something to me that I can’t make out, and then I kiss her. She doesn’t kiss me back, and I know I have to stop. What am I thinking? No, what am I even doing here? I had my chance with her and ruined it. In the process, I fucked myself up. She’d be happy with a guy like Luke. She might not see it now, but she would be. Looking at her for the last time, I get off her bed and head to the front door. I walk out, and right as I go to shut it, I hear her computer ring. Knowing that it has to be Conner, I stand there contemplating what to do. My pull to that life still so strong that I go back in to answer it. “Hey, man,” I tell him, loving to see his face. “What’s up, brother?” he asks me, clearly surprised. “Not much, you?” “Nothing, same old shit here, you know how it is. What are you doing at Cameron’s so late?” “It’s a long story. You safe, everyone good?” “Yeah…yeah, we’re good. So, you two back together, or what?” “Nah, far from it. You know she’ll never forgive me.” “But you want her to, right? That’s why you’re there, isn’t it?” “I don’t think so. She seems happier without me, bro, and you know how fucked up I am.” “You gotta let all the shit you went through here go, brother.” “I hear ya.” “I mean it. Cam needs you. When I talked to you both the other night, it’s the happiest I’ve seen

her in years.” “She doesn’t act like I make her happy.” “Give it some time, man, but don’t give up on her. That’s what she’s expecting you to do. You crushed her when you left, and so did I. But you’re there now, and you can make it right. Please don’t let her down again.” “She deserves someone better than me, Con!” “Fine, then leave now. But stop fucking playing these games with her or I swear to God, I’ll—” I cut him off. “All right, I got you.” “Good. She up? Can I talk to her?” “I can wake her if you want.” “Nah, let her sleep. Tell her, I love her though.” “I will, be safe, brother.” We disconnect the video chat, his words replaying in my mind. “Don’t give up on her. You crushed her.” Going back into her bedroom, I stand in the doorway watching how peaceful she is. Listening to Conner, though maybe not precisely what he meant, I tug the covers to her bed back and slide under them, holding her body close to mine. Even if she gets pissed and kicks me out again, I’m enjoying her right now. Nuzzling my nose into her neck, I breathe her in, her scent turning me on. With my arms wrapped securely around her, I hold her against me, owning the moment. Her ass is tucked up against me, and as she wiggles it, my cock gets hard for her. I battle with it inside my head to go down. She’ll freak if she wakes and feels my dick like this. My lips automatically kiss the top of her shoulder, not able to help myself, and then she reaches back for me. Holding on to my head while she moans from my kisses, I stop, giving her body a squeeze, and she says, “Don’t stop.” I kiss her shoulder again, and each time my lips touch her, I have to battle within myself to stay in control. She slides her hand down my body and grabs my cock. I tilt my head back, loving her touching me, but knowing we can’t do this. Scooting away a little, I loosen my grip, and she rolls over, looking at my chest, and then painfully slowly, she brings her eyes up my body until she meets mine. Reaching down again, she cups my dick, squeezing it as she kisses my neck. I push myself against her hand, knowing that this is so wrong…but I’m not able to resist her. Her lips move all over my skin and then she reaches into my pants. “Fuck me,” she requests, and I grab her wrist, stopping her from jerking my shaft and look into her eyes. “You’re drunk.” “So what?” “So, ask me when you’re sober.” “No!” she scoots down and unbuttons my pants. Against my better judgment, I let her. Her hair

is covering her face and I push it behind her ear, needing to see her. She takes her lips and wraps them over the end of my dick. I pause for a moment, the warmth of her mouth taking me back in time and then push my cock all the way into the back of her throat. My eyes are open watching her, not believing that it’s really her doing this. Then she sits up and reaches down, grabbing the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head. Her tits spring free—she’s not wearing a bra—and the second that I have my eyes locked on them, they are exactly the same as I remember. Plump and perfect, with the softest pink nipples I’ve ever seen. A soft growl brews in my throat looking at her. She lies down and gently pulls my body on top of hers. I gaze at her, knowing I should stop, but she urges me on, pressing her hips up. I sit up on her and take both of my hands, grabbing her tits, squeezing them and then bending down consuming each one. Loving how her nipples harden beneath my tongue. She arches and moans, her eyes tightly shut. Releasing her, I plant a kiss in between her tits, and she removes her shorts. My eyes eat her up. Her soft pussy is groomed the same way it was all those years ago. It’s as I imagined it to be, and I lose time, ignoring the constant noise that is screaming at me to quit. Spreading her legs wide, I settle in between her and drag my tongue back and forth over her clit, her body bowing against my mouth. I push hard against her as she does the same to me, while I keep working her. She tastes the same too, always my own personal drug. I can see her face through her tits, and can tell she’s close. A few more flicks of my tongue and she starts to shake and scream my name. “Oh God, like that, Nixon.” Holding her tightly, as she gives over to the pleasure, my cock hurts so bad needing to be inside her. But not like this. I let her body settle and then reach for my zipper. “Please fuck me.” I shake my head and get off her, but she pulls me down and then grabs a condom out of her drawer, tearing it open with her teeth. For some unknown reason, I watch her place it in her mouth. Fuck, she’s so goddamn hot. Her lips are parted and I swallow, pushing my pants farther down. Then she uses her mouth to roll it down my dick. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone as badly as I want her right now. Even though I shouldn’t, especially ‘cause she’s drunk, I have to. I kneel like she is, so we are face to face, and take my cock at the base. “Are you sure?” I ask her and she answers by settling down on me. “Yes,” she whines and wraps her body around mine. I fit inside her perfectly. Her pussy is so tight and warm around my dick. Lying her down on the bed, I kiss her nipples, fucking loving being with her again after all this time and shove myself as far inside her as I can. “Fuck, Cam,” I tell her, and I can’t even move, my forehead resting against hers, the blood pulsating to the tip of my cock as she is looking up at me. But as I really look at her, she’s so drunk, her eyes are glazed over, and I know this is wrong. My body might be screaming at me to fuck her hard, but I can’t. Pulling out of her, I get off the

bed and zip my pants up with the condom still on. “I can’t, I’m sorry, Cam,” I turn and walk away, hearing her sobs and then something smash against the wall as I close the door to her apartment. I know she doesn’t understand, but she doesn’t need to. Again…it’s for her own good.

Chapter 11 Cameron I don’t remember every single thing from last night, but I do remember the way his lips felt on my body, the way his heart beat against mine. The way his cock felt being back inside of me. Through all the alcohol, that was clear as day, and then I remember the pain when he took it all away, like he did when he joined the Navy. I can’t stop the tears from spilling out of my eyes. How did things end up like this? How did they go so…wrong? Is something wrong with me? My laptop rings from the living room, and I know it’s Conner. As much as I don’t want to talk, I promised him I’d always answer his calls no matter what. Pulling on my t-shirt, I answer it holding back the emotions that are tearing at the seams wanting to spill out of me in hopes he can’t sense I’ve been crying. “Hey, Con.” “What’s the matter?” he asks, alarmed. “Nothing, why?” “Cam, don’t lie to me.” “I’m not, I’m good.” “What did he do?” he asks. “Who?” I ask him. “Nixon, is he still there? I’ll kill him.” “He’s not here,” I tell him and wonder how he would know he was. “He was there last night; I talked to him.” “You did?” “Yeah.” “What did he say?” I ask him. “He feels bad for what he’s done and thinks you’d be happier with someone else. He’s got a lot of regrets over the past.” “We all do.” “Cam, he’s not the same guy he was when he left. He went through some crazy shit out here, not to mention what he had to do. I don’t want to see you end up hurt." “What happened?” I ask him, needing to know what Nixon’s gone through to make him the way he is now.

“Well, his bunk mate took a bullet to the head right in front of him, pieces of his scalp landed all over Nixon. Not to mention the missions he was on had him taking people’s lives. It fucked him up. You don’t forget the things that happen here, Cam.” Conner ’s words sicken me, but make everything click into place. That’s why Nixon is the way he is now. He’s covering the pain and regret, for so much more than I could’ve ever imagined. Here I am only thinking about myself, when he’s lived through hell. “Thank you for telling me, Con.” “Of course, I love you both.” After we finish our video chat, everything makes so much more sense. All of Nixon’s crazy behaviors have a reason. But I still have so many more questions. Like what was he doing here last night? Grabbing my phone from my purse to call him, there are a slew of messages from Luke. He’s pissed, but I can’t deal with him right now. Sending him a text to ease his worrying mind, Sorry I bailed last night. I got sick in the bathroom and had to get home, if you know what I mean. Clearly, I drank too much. I hate lying to him in general, but what can I do? I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m so confused about everything. It’s all right, I’m just glad you’re okay. We still on for dinner tonight? Sure. I text him, knowing that after I handle shit with Nixon, that Luke and I can figure our stuff out too. Going into my contacts, I know Nixon programmed his number, he told me the other day and I laugh to myself when I read how he programmed it into my phone. Big Cock Nixon, I go to edit it, but can’t—it’s the truth. Dialing his number, it rings and rings, then goes to his voicemail. “Hey, Nix, it’s me, Cam. Uh, I’m not really sure what happened last night. I mean, I am and I’m not. I don’t know what I’m saying…but I need to talk to you. Please call me, it’s important.” I’m not sure if he will call me back or not. Looking outside, I decide to hit some waves. It always helps me clear my mind and put things into perspective. Putting on my swimming suit, it’s been too long since I’ve been in the water. I brush my teeth and grab a bottle of water and my surfboard. Walking out back, I see a few surfers out and don’t feel like dealing with anyone right now, so I strap my board to the roof of my car and head to my favorite beach. It’s always private. As I make the trip north, my phone rings—it’s Nixon. My heart immediately races and I about pull my car over just to answer it. “Hey,” I say quietly to him and I can tell that he’s been sleeping. “Hi, everything all right?” “Yeah. I…I’m sorry about last night.” “No, it’s all good, don’t be sorry.” “Thanks. Do you think we could talk, in person?”

“I don’t know, Cam. Might be better if we keep our distance.” “I promise, I’ll behave.” “You wanna meet somewhere?” he asks. “Where are you?” “Home.” “I’m out, going to Jensen Beach. I could swing by your place first?” “Sounds good, I’ll text ya the address.” We hang up, and I’m not sure what my plan is when I get there. I don’t know what I’m going to say or anything like that. However, Nixon was at my house when I got home last night for a reason and I need to know why.

Chapter 12 Nixon “Did you buy this place?” Cameron asks me as we walk through my house. “No,” I tell her. “It’s my aunt’s. I’m renting it from her. I needed somewhere close to the water, with…” “The best waves,” she finishes my sentence for me, still knowing me so well. “You want coffee?” I ask her and she shakes her head. “I talked to Conner,” she tells me as I pour myself a cup. I set the pot back in the machine, my back to her as she sits at the kitchen island. “Yeah? What did he have to say?” “He told me what you’ve been through, in the Navy. I had no idea.” “What the fuck did he tell you?” I ask, looking at her, trying to get a read on her. “That your bunk mate was killed in front of you.” “That’s all?” “He also said you’ve hurt people.” She swallows and I don’t like the direction this conversation is headed. This is the last shit I want to be talking about. “Hurt?” I ask. “Killed,” she affirms, and I sip my coffee, keeping those times, those things, the noise of it all, at bay. “What else?” “That’s all.” And I guess that is the important stuff. What more is there to say? Exhaling as she comes and stands in front of me, I can’t look at her. She cups my cheek, her warm hand trying to settle my fears, but I won’t let her, it’s not her place. She shouldn’t even know what she does. Taking her wrist, I pull it away, needing to keep our distance. I don’t deserve her. Even if she now knows what I’ve gone through and done, she’ll never fully understand. “Don’t push me away again.” I look into her eyes filled with tears and hate that I’m again the cause of her pain. “Don’t cry, please.” “You know you can talk to me, right?” “I appreciate that, but I’m done talking. They made me do that shit in the Navy and look where that got me.” “I see exactly where it got you. It’s made you put on this fake persona and pretend to be

someone you’re not.” “Cam, this is who I am now.” “Why? You don’t need to be.” “I don’t know how else to be. This works; it gets me through the days.” “Okay, then why were you at my house last night?” “I don’t know.” “Don’t. Don’t start evading questions.” “Then stop fucking interrogating me,” I snap and she steps back. “I’m not interrogating you. I just think you were there for a reason. I didn’t remember at first if I’d called you, then it hit me. I remember you helping me up when I fell out of the cab and carrying me inside.” “So? A stranger would do that.” “Would strangers do what we did?” “You’re my weakness. You always have been, and you always will be.” “Then why stop and why leave?” “Because you were drunk.” “So if I was sober you’d feel differently?” I want to tell her that I would, that I could fuck her right now, like any useless whore that I bang, but I can’t…I won’t, not her. “No, I’m sorry, Cam, I wouldn’t.” She looks at me, hurt, and then gets up silently and grabs her car keys walking to my front door. I hate to see her leave; it fucking kills me. “I was gonna head out back and surf, if you wanna join me?” I ask her seeing her board on the roof of her car and she looks back at me. Her eyes spark in the light coming in from outside. I’m not sure why we play these games, this back and forth, but we do. At the end of the day, all I know is I want to protect her…plain and simple. But at the same time, I can’t fucking let her go. “Sure, let me grab my board.” I follow her to her car, helping her take it off. Then as I carry it inside she asks me, “Can I use your restroom?” I show her where it’s at and sneak off to take a few shots of vodka. I’m excited to hit some waves with her, just like the good old days. As I’m changing into a fresh pair of board shorts, she hollers out, “Who’s Amy?” Sonofabitch! “You know, I don’t remember,” I tell her and pop my head in. She’s sitting on the toilet staring at the lipstick written message that’s on my mirror. Taking a towel, I try and rub off the message, but it just smears everything making the mirror red and smudged. “Do you sleep with a lot of women?” Cameron asks me, and the question not only makes me uneasy, but I can see the resentment and the disconnect that comes across her face. How do I answer a

fucking question like that? “No way,” I tell her, knowing it’s pointless to go into depth about the random women that I bring home from the bars. “If I did decide to hook up with someone, I always use protection and they don’t mean shit to me. Not the way you did.” She waits for me to leave before getting off the toilet, and then meets me at the backdoor of my house and we each grab our boards. Walking outside in the heat of the day, I can’t help myself from looking at Cam. She pulls her sunglasses down from the top of her hair and is observing the waves. “It’s gorgeous here,” she says. “It is. I hoped when my aunt said I could stay here, that I’d be able to show you one day,” I confess, the alcohol giving me the courage to be honest. “You did?” she asks surprised. “Yeah, I knew you’d love it.” She smiles and I hope she believes me, because it’s the truth. I think about her more often than she can imagine. Whether I was across the country or down the road, a day wouldn’t pass where Cameron didn’t cross my mind. She takes off her shorts and tank top, her body fucking smokin’ in her skin-tight bikini. We both strap our boards to our ankles. Walking into the water as far as we can, we get up on them, belly first, and paddle out. “You good?” I ask her and she splashes me in the face. I smirk and we both turn once we are far enough out in the water waiting for the right wave. “You wanna go together?” I ask her. “Sure,” she says and I tell her, “I hope you don’t like your sunglasses too much.” “Shit,” she complains and takes them off. “Here, toss ‘em to me.” She throws them over, and I put them in one of my pockets then zip it up. Looking back as a heavy wave rolls in, she paddles into it and I watch her, not able to go along with her. She digs deep and the second it caps, she pops up, balancing like a badass. Her skills are natural and so much better than mine. Fuck, she’s sexy, her swimming suit barely covering her ass, and she’s such a boss turning into the wave and riding it. She lasts for about ten seconds before gliding down, and I see my opportunity pushing forward. The cool saltwater rushes beneath my fingertips and I can sense her eyes on me as she paddles back out. Then the moment that I stand up, I last a few seconds before I eat it. We keep riding for God only knows how long and then she asks me, “Wanna make a bet?” “Fuck yeah. What are we betting for?” “Twenty bucks.” “That’s it? That’s all you can come up with?” I tease her. “You want the bet or not?” “Absolutely.” The truth is, I miss being competitive with her. We always used to make bets and shit, and even though I always lost…I loved making her happy.

“Okay, let’s catch the next wave together and see who can stand up the longest.” We look back, waiting for the perfect one, and once we spot it, we don’t even have to speak. I paddle hard, putting everything I can into it, then as soon as I pop up, my ears are plagued with the awful sound of her scream. I search wildly for her and see her get toppled by another oncoming wave, it silences her and I unstrap my board. Diving in, not even sure how deep it is, I have to find her. Opening my eyes, the saltwater burns. Swimming in the direction that she fell, I spot the water turning pink and when I make it to her, I can see her leg is gushing blood. Fearful for what happened, I have to get her out. Taking her board off, I grab her body and swim as hard as I can. She is in pain, clinging to me as we make our way out of the water. “What the fuck happened?” I ask her. “I don’t know, there must be a reef out there.” Blood is streaming down her leg as I run across the sand with her in my arms. Taking her inside my house, I set her on the kitchen island and inspect the huge gash on the side of her calf as she heaves in pain. “Fuck, Nixon, make it stop,” she begs me and I tell her, “I will, just hang on.” Her face is all twisted up as she breathes through the pain. Putting pressure over her leg with a towel, she lies back on the island and I hold still, praying that I can get it to stop bleeding. “Why does it hurt so bad?” she asks. “It’s the salt water. Keep pressure on this and I’ll grab my kit.” “Kit?” she questions me. “Will you fucking hold this!?” She takes the towel from my hand and I run into my bathroom, getting my survival kit. As a Navy SEAL, we were never supposed to find ourselves in trouble we couldn’t get out of. This kit was my lifeline and I never imagined in a million years that the one time I’d use it would be on Cameron’s leg. Walking back out to her, I see she is looking at the gash. “Did it stop bleeding?” I ask. “Uh huh, for the most part.” Fuck, it looks terrible. “Can you fix it?” she asks. “Yeah, of course, unless you’d rather go to a hospital?” “No, I want you to do it here.” There is a knock on the back sliding door, and I look to see a dude I surf with every now and then. I nod him in. “Nixon, bro, everything okay?” he pops his head in. “Yeah, my girl just hit a reef, but all’s good.” “I brought your boards up, they’re out here leaning on the deck.” “Thanks for grabbing them, man.” I look down at Cameron’s leg, not able to focus on anything else. “For sure, catch ya later.”

I nod as he leaves. I want to help her, but I worry that I’ll hurt her and I’ve already done enough of that in my life. “You sure you want me to clean it up?” I ask her again and she nods abruptly. Opening my kit, I grab what I need to clean the wound and as I do, she sits still, trusting me, letting me help her. She really should go to the hospital, but looking into her eyes, they encourage me on.

Chapter 13 Cameron “Here,” Nixon says and hands me another beer. I take it from him, looking up into his bright blue eyes that glimmer in the reflection of the fire. After I hurt my leg, I’ve stayed at his house all day. There has been no talk of our past or what the future looks like, and I’m okay with that. It’s nice to just hang out. Sitting out back of his home, the waves are nonstop, crashing against the shore. Such a blissful sound, and I’m so full from the amazing dinner he grilled for us. “How are you feeling?” he asks me, sitting down in a chair next to me. My leg is sore and the blood pulsating won’t stop, but being here with him is the best, just like the old days. I wouldn’t change a thing…my leg included. “I’m good…perfect.” “Yeah?” he asks, looking down at me as I stare up at him. It’s true—I couldn’t feel more complete than I am when I’m around him. “Uh-huh.” I yawn, the amber embers from the fire tiring me out. My cell phone rings. It’s Luke…again. “You better answer that.” “Hey Luke?” I answer reluctantly and can’t help but yawn. “There you are. I’m at your place. Are you gonna let me in?” My eyes get wide and I think of how to respond. “What? Why are you there?” “We have plans tonight, remember?” “We do…” I trail off and mouth to Nixon, “He’s at my house.” He gives me that look, the one that says, I can’t help ya. “Uh, I…I’m out for a run on the beach, and I’m really far away. I won’t be home for a while.” “So what, you’re just bailing?” he scoffs at me. “I’m sorry, I guess I am, Luke.” “Fine, I guess I’ll…,” he hangs up on me, before finishing his sentence. “Jesus! What did he say?” Nixon asks me as I stare at the blank screen of my phone. “He’s pissed that I bailed on him.” “Why didn’t you still meet him?” “Are you kidding me? We finally have some alone time where shit seems normal. I’m not gonna change that for Luke.”

“But you could fuck him again,” he tells me and my face turns red…how does he know? “What, you don’t remember telling me last night?” “I told you?” “Oh, yeah…” “Christ, what else did I say?” “You really want me to tell you?” I shake my head, burying my face in the palms of my hands. “But Luke…really?” “I was drunk, it was a one-time thing.” “Clearly, he doesn’t think that. He likes you.” “Nixon?” an unfamiliar voice calls out interrupting the conversation and I glance up at him, then notice a girl peeking her head around the corner of his house like a weirdo. “Uh, I’m kinda busy here,” he rudely tells her. She doesn’t seem to care as she comes fully into view, dressed like a whore in a skin-tight, hot pink dress. She’s clearly drunk as her body sways back and forth. “Oh,” she responds and looks at me, as he drapes his arm meaningfully over the back of my chair. I let him do what he wants as I don’t really know what to do. “Do you mind?” he asks her and she jives back, “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?” “No, I don’t even know your name.” I giggle and she places her hands on her hips and glares at him, “I’m Amy, remember? I wrote my name on your mirror. You texted me to come over last night and then weren’t here.” So this is lipstick Amy. “Yeah, it’s not ringing a bell, sweetie,” he tells her and removes his hand from behind my body, grabbing his beer and taking a huge swig of it. “Well…whatever. I left my earrings inside the other night, so I’ll just run in and look for them.” She’s got a nasty scowl on her face and I can’t help but smirk at her. What was she thinking coming here? That he’d fuck her? And maybe he would, if I wasn’t here. She said he texted her last night and then wasn’t home; maybe it was when he was with me. Even though he’s not mine, imagining him with someone else makes me sick. I remind myself of what Nixon and I shared, the security and trust of our relationship was like nothing else, and spending today with him has shown me that deep beneath those layers lives the man I used to love. “Trust me, sweetheart, you didn’t leave anything inside my house. So why don’t you go on?” Her mouth is gaping open and she flips him off, then turns and stumbles away. “Well, that was unexpected.” “Right, sorry about that,” he says and I place the spout of my beer to my lips. As I swallow a sip, I look over him and ask, “So that’s lipstick Amy?”

“Apparently…you know how I am with names though.” We both laugh out loud. He is terrible with them. He always has been and I’m sure he always will be. “Do a lot of random girls come over here?” He shakes his head smiling and sits back in his chair, draping his arm behind me again. The simple touch of his fingers behind me is too much to handle. “I should get going,” I tell him. “Stay the night?” he asks, and kisses my shoulder, the same way he used to years ago. Leaning my head to the side as his lips then touch my neck, I contemplate his question and what the consequences of staying with him could be. As I look into his eyes, hidden far behind their exterior is the old Nixon, my Nixon, and I want to bring him back. So I nod my head, I’ll stay. Because if I go, I’ll always regret it.

Chapter 14 Nixon “Do you want like a t-shirt or something to wear?” I ask Cam as she uses my toothbrush before we get into bed. “Sure, thanks.” Heading into my closet. I grab her the softest one I own and change into some sweat shorts. As I turn around, she is standing in the doorway, naked. The moonlight is casting a shadow around her. She’s so fucking beautiful. I’m not sure what to do, so I don’t do anything. “I promise, I’m not drunk,” she says as she closes the distance. Standing in front of me, she takes my hand and guides it up her body. I watch what she’s doing, my heart pounding, and I tell her. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck up again and hurt you.” “Okay,” she responds, accepting my answer. “And I can’t give you more than sex.” “Okay.” “Doesn’t that bother you?” I ask her, throwing every warning sign out I can. “Nixon, you asked me to stay for a reason,” her voice crackles. “As much as you try and push me away, I won’t let you do it again.” “But I can’t give you more.” “You could, if you tried. The guy I fell in love with is still inside you. I’ve seen bits and pieces of him all day. You just have to find him and bring him back. All it takes is one day at a time…starting right now.” She guides my hand down her body, my fingers sliding into her slit, and I take my other hand gripping her tit as she nudges herself against me. Leaning into my neck, she kisses me, her soft lips hardening my cock. The heat of her pussy entices me, and I do it. I slide two fingers inside her. She moans, throwing her head back, and I work her pussy. The tension from her muscles guiding me. My cock is dripping for her as I hold her in my arms, fingering her, controlling her, pleasing her the way she deserves. The way only I can. Her noises pitch, and I know she’s already close. Her body is red and clammy in my hold, and I whisper into her ear, “Are you gonna come for me?” “Mmmhhh,” she whines, and I add a third finger, stretching her, knowing that tonight, I will fuck her hard, I will claim her, I will have my way with her until the sun comes up. “Yes, Nixon,” she screams, shaking in my arms as I watch her come again, satisfied that this time she truly wants it and wants me.

Carrying her to my bed, I throw her down. “On your hands and knees,” I tell her, which is her favorite, if I remember right, and yank my shorts down, rolling on a condom. She looks back at me so beautifully, and I tightly hold on to each of her ass cheeks, gently entering her heavenly cunt. My balls tighten from the pressure, my cock harder than it’s been in years, and I begin to thrust in and out of her. “Yes,” she moans as I watch my shaft going in and out of her. Her cheeks are spread wide taking every inch of me. Her pussy is wrapped around me like a fucking cloak, and my body is on fire. As I pump her pussy, I get going so fast that my balls slap the front of her clit. “Oh God,” she cries out and I don’t want to come, I don’t want to let go. Fucking her is the best thing I’ve ever experienced. We could go all night and I want to. Spanking her ass hard, she yelps and pulls away from me. Gripping her by the thighs, I pull her back to me and slam back into her, burying my cock inside of my favorite place. “Fuck, yes!” She’s so vocal and I love it. I hold on to her, loving the sound of her voice as she coaxes me on. Pumping my hips as she looks back at me. Her eyes, sparkle in the moonlight, and I can’t help myself. We get carried away, being back together like this, losing our grasp on time. I’m not sure if it’s been hours or minutes, but she’s got me close to letting go. I keep going for as long as possible, then suddenly my balls explode. I shut my eyes tightly, grunting, letting my cum go. Heat spreads through my body and a few seconds later, we both fall forward, her sweaty body trembling as another intense orgasm rolls out of her. I fuck her hard, loving how she trembles and owns the moment. Once she settles, I pull out of her and look down at my dick to remove the condom, but it’s gone. “Fuck!” I mutter and she asks me, “What’s wrong?” “Nothing,” I lie not sure how to tell her, but she senses it. “Did it fall off?” “Yeah, it must’ve.” I lift the dry condom from the bed and show it to her. “How?” “Probably, when I spanked you and slipped out.” “And you didn’t notice?” she screeches at me. “No, you didn’t either.” “Goddammit, Nixon.” “What’s the big deal? Aren’t you on the pill or something?” “Yeah, but that’s not the point.” “What is the point?” I ask her, defensive. She sits up on the edge of the bed silent, and I don’t like how she’s closing herself off to me about this. “Talk to me.” I pull her back against my chest and she says, “How do I know you’re clean?”

“How do I know you are?” I jive back, not appreciating that she’s accusing me of such a thing. “I always use protection,” she says. “And so do I.” “So this has never happened? Your fucking cock’s huge; I’m sure you’ve had a condom break.” “What, this little old thing?” I tease her, but she’s not having it as she glares at me. “No way, and if I did, I’d go and get tested. Plus, the Coast Guard made me go through one hell of a physical.” Kissing the top of her shoulder like she likes, I hope this conversation is over. What a shitty thing to have to talk about. She nods and slips out of my hold, leaving me sitting all alone in my bed. I watch her walk off to the bathroom and give her some space. I check my phone on my nightstand and see a message from my mom, Don’t forget about GG’s birthday party, tomorrow at eleven. I’ll be there, Ma. Cameron comes out of the bathroom wearing one of my t-shirts. “No, don’t do that.” “What do you mean?” “Don’t cover your body up. I want to fuck you again.” She takes it off and gets into my bed, laying her head against my chest. I close my eyes and she runs her fingers over my skin. As a wave of worries creep up on me, I hold it back, reminding myself to stay in the moment with her as her words resound in my head. “Just one day at a time.” I’m not even sure what that means, but I’m trusting that she knows better than I do. “Do you have plans tomorrow?” She shakes her head in response, and I tell her, “GG recently turned ninety-six. Would you come with me to her party?” Looking up at me she cups my cheek and says, “Oh, Nixon, I don’t know about that.” “Why not?” “I don’t know if I’m ready to see your family.” “Why not? My family loves you, Cam. They miss you…trust me.” She doesn’t respond and I let the subject go. I don’t want to push her. I enjoy being around her; I enjoy us. “If I go, what will we tell them?” “Nothing,” I respond, “They aren’t gonna ask questions, you know that. Please come for GG. It would make her day.”

***

“Do I look okay?” Cameron asks me as we walk up to my mom’s house. “Yeah, you look sexy as fuck.” She stops on the front stairs before we go in and looks at me; a cloud of uncertainty darkens her

eyes. “Nixon, can I ask you something before we do this?” My palms get sweaty and I worry she’s having second thoughts again. “Of course.” “Promise me that you won’t leave me alone with your creepy Uncle Mic?” I grab her ass, squeezing it hard in my grip and she laughs. “Don’t fucking scare me like that, I thought something was wrong.” She stands on her tippy toes and kisses me. Wrapping both my arms behind her, I’m enjoying this moment with her, but it is cut short. My cousin walks up behind us and says, “Get a room you two, would ya?” Cameron and I separate, looking over at my cousin Rhonda’s familiar face. “How are you?” I ask giving her a hug. She hugs me back and then Cameron, and says, “I’m good—fat and pregnant. How are you?” We both look down at her stomach, she’s not that big, but I know better than to ever talk about a woman’s figure. “I’m great and you look beautiful,” Cameron tells her as I open the front door. “How’s Conner?” she asks. “He’s good. I’ll tell him you asked about him.” Rhonda smiles and we go inside my mom’s house. “Ma?” I yell out as we round the corner and are bombarded by all of my family, with their mouths all hung open as Cameron and I walk in hand in hand. Then we get lost in a barrage of hugs and hellos. Cameron gets pulled away from me by my mom who completely forgets about me and embraces her, tears glossing her eyes as the two of them reunite. “What am I, chopped liver?” She reaches for me, pulling me into her arms too, and as the three of us stand there together, my mom whispers, “Thank you, God.” Then as we pull away, the two of them are crying, and I feel terrible for breaking the bond they had. My mom was a second mom to Cameron, since her parents were always sailing. She and Conner grew up with me. My mom holds on to Cameron’s cheeks, and she looks at me out of the corner of her eye, “Don’t fuck this up again, Nixon!” “I’ll try,” I tell my mom, and she glares at me. Pulling Cameron out of her hold, I ask, excited to see her, “Where’s GG?” “I’m in here,” she responds, her voice crackling, and we walk in the direction that we heard her. She is sitting on my mom’s leather sofa. “Hi, GG!” She smiles up at me with her tired eyes, and still to this day, every time I look at her, I can see my dad. As much as it pains me that he is gone, I can only hope he’d be proud of the ways I tried to follow in his footsteps. Even though I’ve fucked up along the way, I’m trying to make those mistakes right. “Happy birthday! How are you, GG?” Cameron asks, leaning over and embracing my grandma. “Thank you, dear, I’m good. Christ almighty, don’t you look stunning, even more gorgeous

than I remember.” “Ahh, thank you.” “Happy birthday,” I tell her and embrace her tightly. Then we sit on the couch next to her, the two of them getting lost in conversation, and I sit back, observing everyone and everything around me. Especially Cameron. The regret I have over hurting her is so great. I’m not sure why she forgave me, or is being so good to me. Especially after everything I’ve put her through. I broke her heart and let her down, and I’m scared I’ll do it again. It’s bound to happen. And when it does…I’m not sure if I’d be able to live with myself.

Chapter 15 Cameron Sitting down in the conference room for our weekly debriefing, I look around for Nixon and don’t see him yet. He was so strange after his grandma’s party last night. We got back to his place, and he said he was tired and gonna sleep, not giving me the option to stay with him again. So I gave him space. I mean, what was I supposed to do? He’s not mine. Luke and Guy come in and sit next to me. “What’s up?” Guy asks me, and I check my phone, seeing if Nixon texted me at all. It’s not like him to be late…in fact, he hates it. “Not much, how are you guys?” They both nod in response and I ask them, “Have you seen Nixon yet today?” They shake their heads and Mack begins the meeting. “Good morning, thank you all for coming in. I’m going to get started, even though everyone isn’t here yet, as we’ve got some important things to cover.” Sitting back in the chair, I prepare for what I’m sure will turn into an hour of talking and overanalyzing. “I’m sure you all are aware it’s officially the beginning of hurricane season and we have already had three storms out in the Atlantic, one of which made landfall in the Miami region. The aftermath of the storm isn’t pretty; they are dealing with a tremendous amount of flooding, and the crews down there have been bombarded with calls from stranded boaters. Thankfully, we didn’t lose any crewmembers, but they weren’t able to rescue two fishermen onboard a capsized watercraft. Both are still missing. When you are out on your calls or surveying areas today and going forward, please keep your eyes out for anyone in the water. Obviously, you already do that, but these men could still be out at sea and anywhere with the strong currents. We will be sending a few crews out to just search today. With that said, we all know that these storms can literally pop up out of nowhere and can also dissipate at the same rate. Let me remind you of our first rule—no one ever gets left behind. Your crew is your priority; you must keep each other safe at all costs. Any questions?” “Was the boat ever recovered that belongs to the missing fishermen?” “No, it wasn’t. Anyone else?” No one answers him and he says, “All right, be safe out there today.” As we all begin to exit the room, Mack stops Luke, Guy, and me. “Where’s Nixon?” he asks us. “Uh, he’s not feeling well today, he called me this morning. I’m not sure if he’ll make it in or not,” I lie for him and sense Luke and Guy stare at me as they know I am lying. Moments before I’d asked them if they’d seen him. “Well, he needs to call me,” Mack orders. “Please tell him that if any of you talk to him.”

“We’ll tell him. I don’t think he knew.” “Okay. And if he doesn’t make it in today, you guys can’t go out.” “Not even to help look for the missing boaters?” Guy asks, pissed off. “No, you need a full crew, you know that. So, you’re probably done for the day.” Mack walks off and Guy throws his arms in the air. “What the fuck is going on?” “I don’t know,” I try and cover my ass, and Luke says, “Why are you sticking up for him?” “Because we are a team. I’d expect you guys to do the same thing for me. Isn’t that what we do?” They both nod their heads in agreement. Checking my phone again, he still hasn’t responded to my text. “Why are you so worried about your phone all of a sudden?” Luke questions me, and I walk off, not liking the way that both he and Guy are acting. I have to get ahold of Nixon…something is going on with him and I don’t like it. “Oh, come on, Cam, I was joking.” Leaving the building I step outside and call him, but his phone rings and rings. “Hey, it’s me, is everything okay? I’m worried, call me…please?” I leave him a message and walk back inside. “So what? We’re done for the day?” the guys ask me. “I guess so. Doesn’t seem like Nixon is gonna show.” “Fuck this, I’m out of here.” Guy leaves and Luke jogs after him. Looking around at everyone else in the shop, they all have something to do, so I leave too. Driving to Nixon’s house, it is a hot day. I spot his truck in the driveway, telling me he’s here. Walking to the front door, I knock, but he doesn’t answer. It’s locked, so I stroll around to the back and find his bedroom door unlocked. As I walk inside, there is a bottle of tequila on his nightstand. “Nixon?” I call out and go in search of him, but don’t get a response or see him. There’s only one other place he could be. Looking outside, I spot him on his surfboard. On his bed is my swimming suit from the day before. I change out of my clothes and into it. Walking along the sand ‘til I reach the shoreline, I watch him gazing out at the water and worry about what’s really going on with him. He’s sitting on his board, looking out at the ocean with his back to me. It’s a really calm day, there are not enough waves to surf, but this is where he’s happiest. Jumping in, I begin to swim and forget all about my leg. Suddenly it begins to sting, the sea salt burning it, but I push through the pain, needing to get to him. As I approach his board, he’s lost in a trance. He doesn’t even notice me next to him, until I climb on top. “Hey.” We are sitting face to face. “What are you doing here?” he asks me, alarmed. “Why are you ignoring me?” “I’m not, Cam.” He looks down, his hands splayed out in front of him. “Yeah, you are,” I tell him and try to look into his eyes. He won’t even look at me. I can feel him pushing me away, the same way he did all those years ago, and for no good reason. “Don’t do this to me again, Nixon.”

“I’m not doing anything. I didn’t ask you to come here; you should really go.” “So that’s how you’re going to treat me? After we spent the most amazing couple of days together, now I should just leave?” He looks to the left, swallowing. I catch sight of his Adam’s apple moving in his throat and I’ll be damned if I let him do this to us again. “Goddammit, Nixon, fuckin’ look at me!” I scream at him and his eyes meet mine. “I lost you once and it about killed me. I will not lose you again, no matter what. So whatever it is that’s going on in your head, you better figure it the fuck out.” “I’ve told you, I can’t give you what you need,” he says and looks down again. “I wish I could… but I just don’t think I can.” “Yes, you can. You know why? ‘Cause all I need is you. Remember what I said, ‘one day at a time.’” He looks at me, my words doing something to him. “Maybe that’s how you feel, but what about when I fuck up again?” “What are you talking about?” I ask him. “How are you going to feel the next time I fuck up?” “You’re not even making sense, Nixon. Are you going back to the Navy?” He shakes his head, and I scoot a little closer to him and touch his face. “Then we’ve got nothing to worry about.” “Since the day I left for the Navy, I hated myself for what I did to you, and seeing you back with my family yesterday, it’s where you belonged all along, and I fucked that all up. I took Conner from you as well. I left you with nothing—no one—I fucking hate myself for it.” Tears gloss over his eyes. “Don’t do this. Don’t live in the past. Everything happens for a reason, Nixon, you have to believe that. From this moment forward, make things right for us. I trust that you’ll never hurt me again and you have to, too.” He kisses my palm that is touching his face. Then takes my hand in his, scooting closer to me as well. He’s breathing harshly, looking me in the eye. “But I don’t, you know why?” I shake my head. “‘Cause I knew leaving you was wrong and I still did it.” Our conversation is brought to a halt by his words and we sit staring into each other ’s eyes, the waves rocking beneath us. If he knew it was wrong, then why do it? Why lie about everything and say that it was for my own good? At a loss, I do the only thing I can: force him to choose. Untying my swimming suit at my neck, I let my tits pop out and he looks around at the beach behind us. Then covers them back up and says, “What are you doing, crazy?” He doesn’t like it, and then I untie each side of my swimming suit bottoms. No one is around and we are so far out that if anyone is on the beach, they couldn’t make out what we are doing. My bottoms fall open and he looks down at my pussy, like he’s in pain. “Why are you doing this?” “Because, if you really feel like you’re going to hurt me again, then I want you to look at me and swim away. Let’s end this now…or, you can stay with me and we’ll at least try. No one’s perfect,

I’m not expecting you to be, but please don’t give up so easily.” Immediately he rubs my clit, and I take that as he doesn’t want to let me go, that he wants to try. “You know we can’t fuck out here.” “Why not?” I ask him and take his cock out, looking down at it. He is stiff and makes my pussy clench. I swallow, wanting him inside me and he pulls me closer. “Wrap your legs behind me,” he says, getting carried away in the moment. I lift them out of the water. He leans back, balancing out the weight on his end of the board and I do the same, watching as he slides himself inside me, skin to skin, nothing separating us. “Fuck me, Cam,” he requests and slowly I start to move. The calm ocean rolling beneath us, mixing with my movements, has me nervous that we’ll flip over, but if we do, we’ll keep fucking wherever we fall. My eyes are on the point where our bodies connect, his pulsating dick so hard as I move up and down on it. He feels incredible inside me. This is the first time I’ve ever been with anyone unprotected and I couldn’t want it more. I moan, my body igniting in pleasure and as my eyes check the beach, he says to me, “Look at me, don’t worry about anything else.” I nod, looking deep into his blue eyes, his thumb rubbing me right where I need it. Matched with the head of his cock inside me as I slide up and down, it’s too much to handle. I fight it, but lose. Coming hard, I gladly give over to the desire right as Nixon does. A blast of his cum fills me, and although we didn’t fully settle our conversation, him doing this was his way of accepting to give things a shot. And knowing we’re going to makes me feel like everything will be okay. I mean it has to be—I can’t live without him again.

Chapter 16 Nixon As I walk along the beach with Cameron, everything feels right. After I dropped her off at home last night and drank myself into oblivion, it was clear to me that I was falling for her. All the memories I’d worked years at suppressing, she’s slowly bringing back to reality. And the fact that she’s willing to accept me and take things one day at a time gives me hope. I have a good feeling we could make it this time. “You’re quiet,” she says and I feel like I’m in a bit of a funk. “I don’t mean to be.” “Then don’t. You can open up to me, Nixon.” I nod and pick up a perfect seashell handing it to her. “Thank you,” she tells me, smiling. Something so simple that I missed more than I ever realized. “You know…Mack was pissed you weren’t there today.” She tries to change the subject and I go along with her. “I’m sure he was. How were Guy and Luke?” “Guy was pissed, Luke was…well, how Luke always is.” “What do you mean?” I ask her, wrapping my fingers around hers. She exhales, holding my hand back. The small gesture satisfying her. “He’s easygoing, you know that. But they both really wanted to go out today. There are some boaters missing off the coast of Miami and they wanted to search for them. “Why couldn’t you?” “Mack wouldn’t let us go up without you.” “Damn, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” “It’s okay. You know as well as I do that they didn’t survive. They were out at sea during a hurricane.” I nod knowing she is right. Mother Nature isn’t gentle, and she sure as hell doesn’t take pity upon anyone. “So, are you coming to work tomorrow?” “Yeah,” I tell her and wonder if she wants to tell Guy and Luke about us. “What do you think we should say to the guys?” “About what?” she asks, picking up another seashell. “Us.” “Nothing yet. We’re taking things one day at a time, remember?”

“I do and nothing will change that…but don’t you think we should be honest?” I ask her, wanting to be sure, especially because of her past with Luke. “We’ll tell them…when the time’s right.” “Luke better keep his fucking dick in his pants,” I tell her and she says to me, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I won’t let anything happen, but you’re going to have to keep yourself in control.” Sticking my hands up in front of me, I tell her, “Shouldn’t be a problem as long as I get to fuck you at the end of the day.” She smirks, but doesn’t answer me. She’s playing hardball and I like it. “That is unless you have other plans?” “You know,” she says, “I’m really busy in the evenings, so you might have to fuck me in the mornings.” “How about both?” I ask her, stopping her on the beach and pulling her close to me. “That works too.” She smiles so beautifully, and I ask her, “Did you eat yet today?” “No, you?” “Nope, wanna grab a bite to eat?” “You mean other than each other?” she smirks. “Sure,” I tell her as we walk up to my condo. “Do you still like lobster?” she asks me. “Do you really have to ask? You know it’s my favorite.” “There’s a new place not far from here that has the best lobster rolls. You wanna go?” “Yeah, I’m game.” “Okay,” she responds and changes out of her swimming suit and back into her clothes. My eyes are all over her body as I get a glimpse of her tits and ass. Jesus, she’s perfect. “You gonna stare all day or change yourself?” “I’m wearing this.” She rolls her eyes at me as I toss on a tank top. I’m most comfortable in my board shorts. I lived for far too long behind a uniform. “This place isn’t formal or anything, is it?” “Not at all.” “You’re beautiful, you know that, right?” She beams, like it’s the first time I’ve told her. She shyly pulls her hair up, keeping her back to me. “Ready?” she asks. I take her hand in mine and we leave. She drives up to the place and still hasn’t responded to my comment. I’m really not even sure what I wanted her to say, but I do want her to know how beautiful she is. When she walks into a room, everyone looks at her, she takes it over, she’s so fuckin’ gorgeous. “You good, everything with us?” I ask. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” she questions me back.

“I’m just making sure, ‘cause I was a dick earlier.” Briefly, she glances over at me and then says, “I understand what you’re going through.” Parking in front of the two-story restaurant with what appears to be a rooftop bar on it, I ask her, “You gonna let me buy your sexy ass dinner before I take you home and fuck the shit out of you?” She smirks at my comment, but we both know I’m dead serious. Walking inside, a waitress says, breezing on by, “Feel free to sit anywhere.” I follow Cameron up to the roof. “Pretty sweet view,” I tell her. “What can I get ya’ll to drink?” a cute surfer chick asks. I look at Cameron and she says, “I’ll take a water.” I look at the beers on tap and order a lager. The girl walks off and I ask Cam, “A water…really?” “I have to drive.” “Oh please, one beer with dinner isn’t gonna kill ya.” “I know it won’t, but one will lead to six, and we have work tomorrow. I stop giving her a hard time and ask, “Do you know what you’re going to get?” “The lobster roll, you?” “The same, that’s why you brought me here, isn’t it?” “Indeed it is. You wanna split one and then get some lobster cheese dip too?” “Sure, you mind ordering for us. I gotta take a piss.” She smiles at me and I kiss her before walking off. Wishing she’d follow me. Her lips drive me wild, my cock awakening anytime I feel them, and I battle with it as I leave her. Finishing up in the bathroom, I get a text from Cameron, Don’t come back to the table. Guy and Macey are here. Are you serious? Just fucking tell them. I wait for her to respond, but she doesn’t so I text her again, What the fuck should I do? Walking back out, I decide to take a seat at the bar and watch them all visiting. I can sense that Cameron isn’t into it. She’s stressed and I want to make it better. The waitress comes out of the back with a tray of food and I stop her, “Would you mind not telling those other people at the table that I came here with her?” She nods, a little confused but walks off. Rounding the back of the bar, so I can walk like I am leaving, I pretend to be on my phone and stroll on by their table, sure enough Guy spots me. “Nixon?” he hollers out and I stop, looking at him and then Cameron. “I gotta call you back,” I say into my phone then slip it into my pocket. “What are you doing here?” Guy asks me, “I assumed you were sick since you missed work today. “I tweaked my back surfing, bro, I left Mack a message. Didn’t he tell you?”

“No, he said he hadn’t heard from you.” “Don’t know; I called him.” “Do you wanna have a seat?” Macey asks, thankfully changing the subject. “Oh, I don’t want to interrupt your meal.” “You’re not. We bombarded Cam,” Guy says “You sure?” I ask again and Cam pulls the chair out next to her. “Hey thanks,” I respond and take a seat in it. “Is your back feeling better?” Guy asks me. “Yeah, I went in and got a shot of cortisone in it. It’s an old injury from the Navy that easily flares up from time to time.” Cameron is awkwardly quiet, and under the table, I take my hand and grab her thigh as high up as I can. She looks at me with wide eyes, and I play it cool, smirking. “So how was work? Did you guys get a lot of calls?” They both shake their heads at me and then the waitress sets our lobster dip down. Grabbing a chip, I dig in; I’m so hungry. Cameron says, “Sure, help yourself,” reminding me that I’m supposed to pretend I didn’t order the food. “Oh, is this not for the table?” I ask her with a chuckle and a mouthful of food. She doesn’t respond and Guy asks us, “Is something going on between you two?” “No way. Why would you think that?” she’s quick to answer him. “No reason,” he says and right then…we’re fucked. If we can’t even sit across from him at a table how are we going to make it through eight hours of work each day? I think the best thing to do is to tell them. Even if Luke is pissed—or whatever—he’ll get over it. I mean, honesty is the best policy…right?

Chapter 17 Cameron “He fucking knows,” I tell Nixon getting out of the shower. “So, what if he knows, Cam?” “If Luke finds out we are fucking and I didn’t tell him, he’s gonna be so hurt.” “Then tell him,” Nixon says calmly, and I have no clue how he is not stressed. “He’s gonna find out sooner or later. I say we tell him now. Save the poor guy from drooling over you every chance he gets. I mean, it really is nauseating.” “He doesn’t drool over me.” “You can leave those off,” he says looking down at my underwear and I roll my eyes. “Would you be serious for once?” I ask him. “What?” he questions me and I walk away going into my bathroom. “Come on, Cam, don’t get all sensitive now.” He comes into the bathroom and hugs me around my waist as I clean my face. “Luke and Guy are my best friends, even if Luke and I have a past. I don’t want to do anything to put a rift in between us at work, or hurt Luke, okay?” He nods and kisses the top of my shoulder. Turning in his hold, I grasp on to him by his neck. His hard cock rests against my sex, and he says to me, “See, I told you—you should’ve left your underwear off.” Reaching down, I remove them, but I’m distracted by his dick, stiff and throbbing as it wants me, dripping pre-cum off the end. I drop to my knees and grab ahold of him, knowing he is watching my every move. Stroking him a few times, I lick the tip and then wrap my lips around the head of his shaft and suck up and down on him. He’s so soft and hard, all at once. He takes his fingers and knots them into the back of my hair, pulling me closer to him as he urges himself farther into my mouth. “Yes, baby, take all of me,” he says and I do my best, but as he picks up speed, he’s too much to handle and I gag. He pulls back, lifting me up, and carries me away. His hands are wound tightly around my thighs as we stop, and he rests my back on one of the empty walls of the bathroom. Reaching between us, he grips himself and crashes into me. “Jesus, Nixon,” I call out, loving the way his name rolls off my tongue. He slams me again and again, hitting the right spot. I gasp for air, so turned on, I can barely breathe as we fuck. He knots his fingers into the back of my hair and keeps fucking me, grunting every time I call out his name. My pussy is tight as he has me stuffed full, and I give over to the sensation, to the pleasure, to

what Nixon is doing to me. Not wanting this to end, but not able to resist the orgasm. He pushes me out of this world and I happily oblige. My fingernails dig hard into his back. “That’s it, baby, come hard!” he shouts and I lose all sense of awareness. He’s got me completely under his spell, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. He carries me from the bathroom wall to my bed and unleashes another round of his skillful cock-work on my aching cunt.

*** “We should probably drive in separately,” I tell Nixon as I pack our lunches. “Sure, babe,” he calls out from the bedroom. I know he doesn’t like the idea of keeping us from the guys, but it won’t be for long. I’m going to tell Luke, soon. I’d tell Guy now, but I know he wouldn’t keep it from Luke, and Luke needs to hear it from me, to understand my reasoning. My laptop rings and my heart jumps into my throat, I feel like I haven’t talked to Conner in forever. Leaving everything in the kitchen as is, I run to it and answer his Skype call, so happy when I see his face on the screen, but also alarmed when I see how filthy he is. “Hey, sis,” he says through tired eyes. “You okay?” I immediately ask him and then Nixon’s beside me, pulling his shirt on over his head. “What’s up, brother?” Nixon asks him and he smiles, looking at our faces. “You good, Con?” I ask him again and he says, “Yeah, it was a long day. We had one hell of a raid. I’m happy to see you guys together though. I needed to.” Nixon kisses my cheek and I look up at him smiling, then Conner asks us, “So you’re back together?” “We’re taking things one day at a time,” I tell him emphasizing the key words to what Nixon and I are. “He’s being good to you?” Conner asks me and I honestly respond, “Yeah…really good.” “I’m right here,” Nixon says, and both Conner and I laugh. “Was everyone safe in the raid?” Nixon asks, clearly worried. “Yeah, McHale was hit by some shrapnel, but we didn’t lose anyone.” “That’s good news, man. When did you switch to land missions?” Nixon asks him. “After you left, they moved a bunch of us around. Reynolds got moved over with me too.” “Damn,” Nixon says, “I wish we were all together when I was there.” Conner shakes his head, “Then who would take care of our girl if anything happened?” “Don’t say shit like that, Conner,” I bark at him “Nothing is going to happen to you. You hear me?” “Geez, sis, I’m playing.”

Nixon taps my shoulder then points to his watch. Shit, we are running late for work, which is not a good thing considering we want to keep things about us hush-hush. “Hey, Con,” I tell him, hating to ever be the one to end the call. “We’ve gotta get to work.” “Okay, be safe, you two. I heard there’s a few storms brewing in the Atlantic.” “We’re in the clear for now,” I tell him and the three of us say, “Bye” at the same time. Conner knows how much I hate ending our calls, so he makes it easy on me. The screen goes black and I throw my and Nixon’s lunches into two separate bags. “You ready, beautiful?” he asks me as I scramble around my apartment. “As ready as I’m going to be.”

Chapter 18 Nixon It’s been a slow day, no calls so far, so we’ve been out searching for six hours for the missing fishermen, and unfortunately, there are no signs of them. The mood in the helicopter is dreary and I’m not sure if it’s because of our mission or ‘cause Guy and Luke can sense that we are keeping something from them. “So what did you do last night?” I ask Luke, trying to be friendly and keep shit kosher. “Not much, man, went to the gym and then chilled. You?” “Saw the doctor, then met a friend for a few drinks and surfed a little.” “Really? Guy said you had dinner with him, Macey, and Cam.” “Yeah, that too. But it was later in the night.” He doesn’t respond and I glance at Cameron, then go back to looking out the window. “You surf a lot?” he asks me. “All the time.” “You should teach me to surf. I tried when I was younger, but I never stuck with it.” “Yeah, bro, whenever you want.” “How about tonight?” he asks me. I look at Cameron with wide eyes and she shrugs her shoulders at me. “You surf, don’t ya, Cam?” he asks her. “Uh-huh,” she says. “Come with us.” “Yeah, sure,” she tells him, aggravating me. I really don’t want to be around him having to hide that we are back together and that I’m aware he and Cam hooked up. “Did Seth get ahold of you, Cam?” Luke asks. “No, why?” “He’s coming back into town. The condo sold so he’s gotta sign all the paperwork at the closing and shit.” “I’m surprised you haven’t heard from him,” Guy says. “Why?” “Isn’t he staying with you when he comes back?” What the fuck, why would he stay with her? “I don’t think so,” she says. “Doesn’t he have family he can stay with here?” I blurt out and Cameron mouths to me,

“Don’t.” “Nah, his family is in Cali, where he and his girl moved. We were all he had here,” Guy says, then suddenly Cameron interrupts us, “I spot something at eleven o’clock.” Unbuckling my safety belt, I slide over to her window and look outside. Sure enough there is someone in the water waving their arms back and forth. Their head looks like a floating soccer ball, out there in the middle of the ocean, and I don’t know how she spotted him. Luke calls it in over the radio, and Guy circles him before making a descent, getting us close enough to go down into the open waters and rescue him. Cameron unbuckles and I whisper to her, “Let me go down,” hating to see her risk her life. “No,” she’s adamant, and I’m pretty sure there is no talking her out of it. Grabbing the rope, I attach it to the basket as she adjusts her snorkel and mask. The guy is floating in the water, and she’s got nothing to land on, so she has to jump in. Opening the door, Guy gives her the all-clear. The seas are moderate today, and I want to kiss her so bad before she jumps, but I can’t. She winks at me and then goes. As I watch her land and swim to the man, I wonder how in the world he survived in these open waters floating all the way from Miami up here. I’m sure he’s gotta be one of the missing fishermen, as we haven’t received word of any other missing persons in our area. Slowly, I lower the basket down to the guy that Cameron has made it to, getting close enough for her to grab ahold of. Once she does, she gets him in the basket and then signals that she’s clear. I wait for Guy to give me the go ahead from up front before bringing him in. “You’re clear to proceed, Nixon.” The second he says the word “clear,” I hit the button bringing him up. Once he’s in the helicopter, I lower the basket back down to get her out of the ocean as quickly as possible, my jaw clenched with the worry I can’t completely push away. It seems to take forever until I have her back, but once I do, I kiss her neck, not able to control myself. “What’s your name?” Luke asks the man. “Jack,” he says. “Hey Jack,” I respond and begin to work on him. “Jack, is your last name Brightly?” Luke asks him and he says, “Yes,” through a shaky tone. “That’s affirmative, we have one Jack Brightly, onboard USCG 6035 and are en route to Jupiter Medical Center.” “Ten-four. USCG 6035, what’s your ETA?” the dispatcher asks. “T minus seven minutes,” Guys says, and Cameron and I get Jack on a body board, then take his vitals and begin an IV. He’s clearly dehydrated, you can tell from looking in his eyes. “You feeling okay?” Cameron asks him. He’s shaking, his body is in shock from going through what he has endured, yet he has the wherewithal to tell her, “Thank you for saving my life.”

“Of course. It’s what we do. Everything is going to be okay now.” Cameron looks up at me, her face flushed and she’s still breathing hard. “Good job,” I tell her and wink. She gives me a wink back and I remind myself that I’ll get to have her tonight after work. Well…I will after I finish dealing with Luke and his fucking surf lessons.

***

“You want me to text you my address?” I ask Luke as we walk out of work. “Yeah, I’ll run home and change, then head that way.” “Cool, see ya in a bit.” Cameron walks off from us and says, “Night, guys.” “You’re coming, Cam, right?” Luke asks her. “Yeah, you wanna text me your address too?” she asks me. “Sure.” I hop in my truck and dial her phone number. She looks over at me through her tinted windows and answers, “Hey, big cock.” “You have two options,” I tell her. “Do I now?” “Yes, you can either beat Luke to my house so I can fuck you, or you can talk dirty to me right now and I’ll jerk off in my truck.” She giggles and I tell her, “I’m dead serious, baby.” “Oh, I’m sure you are. But I want your cock inside me, so you better get home.” Peeling out of the lot, I put the pedal down. “You still want to talk dirty to me while we drive?” “What do you mean? Like you want me to tell you how fucking hard it was to sit next to you all day, while I watched your dick straining your pants, or how I’d clench my pussy every time you brushed up against me?” “Keep going,” I tell her, my cock stiffening from her words, loving how she’s having the same struggles that I am. “Did you just pass me?” she asks me, and I look in my rearview mirror to see her tiny black sports car fly up on me. “Guess, I did. I didn’t want to miss my opportunity to fuck you.” “Come to my place then. If Luke shows up at your house and you’re not there, tell him you had to buy some sex wax for the boards or something.” She laughs out loud and I tell her, “Oh, I’ll show you sex wax.” We race to her house and somehow I get caught at a light. As I pull up, she is already parked and I run in. The second that I open the door, I find her naked in her bedroom. Turning the lock, she asks me, “Which one?” and holds up two swimming suits. “Neither.”

“I mean for tonight.” “Don’t you have a wetsuit or something?” I ask her and immediately finger her pussy. She braces her weight back on her dresser, her bottom lip tucked beneath her teeth. “Jesus, Nixon.” “You like when I finger you?” I ask her and roll one of her nipples in between my teeth. “Uh huh.” She reaches down and begins to rub my cock. “Fuck me. We don’t have much time.” “We have all the time in the world, baby, that fucker isn’t going to rush my time with you.” She unzips my pants which fall to my ankles and I rip my shirt above my head. “Fuck me!” she orders me again and I barrel into her, with no warning as I slam her hard. She loses her breath and looks at me wide-eyed. “Is this what you wanted?” I slam her over and over. Each time, she yelps, her head hanging back, and I get lost in her scent, kissing and sucking on her neck. My mouth is matched with my thrusts, and then there is a knock on her door that stops me dead in my tracks. “Cam?” Luke calls out. What the fuck? “Uhhhh, one second.” My eyebrows crease as I gaze down at her, pissed off for responding. “Let me come,” I tell her, and she whispers, “No, he can’t know you’re here.” Taking one hand, I place it over her mouth and with my other I lift her off the floor and carry her to her bed, where I fuck her hard. My hand still covering her mouth to muffle her noises. She quietly moans clenching my dick, giving me a solid fucking come, my entire body tensing as I fill her with my white, before I pull out of her. Throwing her clothes at her, she struggles to get dressed. She laughs at me and asks me, “What are we going to do?” He knocks again and I tell her, “I’ll stand behind the door, and when he comes in, hug him and I’ll slip out. Going to the door, she opens it as I stay tucked behind it, “Sorry, I was video chatting with Conner and the connection was so spotty.” “That’s okay, is Nixon here?” he asks. “No!” she shrieks and pulls him into a hug. “Why would you ask that?” I hear her say to him as I slip out, wanting to pull them apart first…but I don’t. “I thought his truck was outside,” he tells her and then I hear the door close. That motherfucker. What was he thinking coming to her house? I should’ve left the door unlocked so he could’ve caught me banging her. Maybe then he’d get the point through his puny fucking brain; she wants a man, not a boy.

Chapter 19 Cameron “It must be someone with a truck like his. What are you doing here, anyway?” I ask Luke, as I hope he can’t tell what Nixon and I were just doing, especially with his sudden suspicion. “I wanted to see if you wanted to drive together to Nixon’s?” “Yeah, sure,” I tell him and consider talking to him on the drive…but it would make for an awkward evening. “Let me grab my suit.” “Cool,” he responds and I head into my bedroom, using the restroom as Nixon left me a fucking mess down there. Grabbing a bag, I pack it with a ton of shit, figuring I’ll be staying at his house tonight: clothes for tomorrow, a few swimming suits, makeup, PJ’s—not that he ever lets me wear them. Going back out into the living room, Luke has Nixon’s hat in his hand and says, “Is this Nixon’s?” “No, it’s my brothers, he asked me to send him a box with some stuff,” and I show him the beef jerky and sunglasses that I bought for him which are in a box on my dining room table. Tossing Nixon’s hat on top, putting it in with everything else, I ask him, “You ready?” “Yeah.” “You cool if we take your truck, so I don’t have to stop and get gas?” I tell him, hoping I can weasel my way out of leaving with him tonight. “Of course.” Nixon texts me as I get into Luke’s vehicle. Everything cool? Yeah, on our way now. “That Nixon?” Luke asks me, clearly paranoid. “No, why?” “Just wondering.” “I don’t talk to Nixon outside of work.” He looks out the windshield, like he doesn’t believe me and doesn’t respond. I can sense that he’s holding something back, maybe that’s why he really came to my house. “So we never got to finish our conversation from the other night.” Fuck! I know right where he is headed with this and I grab my phone, texting Nixon again quickly, Call Luke and distract him ‘til we get there, please.

Not a second later, Luke’s phone rings and he pulls it out of his pocket. “It’s Nixon,” he tells me. “You better answer it, he might be cancelling with how flaky he is.” I can hear Nixon being all friendly in the background and Luke is laughing and playing right into him. I’m thankful for Nixon, as I’m not ready to talk to Luke right now. As we pull up to Nixon’s, I grab my bag and Luke follows me. Nixon opens the door, the guys ending their phone call, and he is wearing a pair of board shorts and nothing else. I swallow, acting like I’m not fazed. “Come in,” he says, and I ask him, “Can I use your restroom to change?” “Sure, let me show you where it’s at. Luke, you wanna beer, man?” “Yeah,” Luke says staring out at the water as he wanders out on Nixon’s deck. Nixon and I walk off and the second that the door is closed, he asks me, “What the fuck is going on?” “I don’t know. He keeps asking me about you. Then brought up the bar that other night and us not finishing our conversation. It’s like he knows something’s up and is mulling it over in his head, trying to catch us. Maybe that’s why he wanted the three of us to hang out tonight.” “Or he wants to see us together outside of work. I bet Guy told him something’s up after our dinner with him and Macey.” “You think?” I ask him, concerned. “Yeah, maybe. But don’t worry, Luke’s the kind of guy who doesn’t want to step on anyone’s toes. So if I need to I’m gonna let him know what’s up.” “Nixon, don’t tell him like this. It’ll hurt him; let me do it. I’ll let him drive me home and tell him on the way.” “Okay, I won’t tell him, babe.” He leans down and kisses me, then I take my suit of out my bag and he scoffs at it. “For real, Cameron?” “What? It’s the best I had.” “Where’s your wetsuit?” he scolds me. “At work.” Then he swats my ass, and I change into a sexy red one-piece and walk out back finding the guys talking about the waves and looking at the bottom of one of Nixon’s boards. Luke’s jaw hits the floor when he sees me and Nixon pats his back. “Why don’t we watch Cam for a bit, so you can see what she looks for and how she pops up, okay?” “Sure,” Luke responds and I have no clue why Nixon would want to have him staring at me. “I waxed this one for you.” He hands me my board and we act like it’s his. “Thanks.” “Of course. Check out the ground swell from the storm.” I nod and glance back at the two guys and really hope Nixon doesn’t end up hurting him. Don’t get me wrong, Luke is adorable and at one point I thought there was a spark there. But when Nixon came back it made me question everything and realize that he’s only my friend, nothing more. I need

someone like Nixon who’s gonna tell me how things are and have my back and treat me the way only he can. Like tonight, when he called Luke to distract him for me, he didn’t question me and wasn’t jealous or anything. He was looking out for me and us. The way my old Nixon did, and that’s how I know…I’m falling for him all over again.

Chapter 20 Nixon “So did you surf a lot growing up?” I ask Luke. “Nah, not much, I tried it a few summers when I was young. My uncle was big into it and would always teach me when he visited, but then when he left, I didn’t have anyone to show me what I needed to do to get better, so that kind of ended it. What about you?” “Oh, man, we grew up in the water. Every day, from sunup ‘til sundown.” “Who’s we?” he asks. “Oh, Me, Cam, and her brother, Conner.” “So you three were close?” “Yeah, really close,” I tell him as I watch her sexy ass paddling out. Thinking of all the time we spent together makes me think about how bad I fucking hurt her when I left. “Why’d you leave her then?” “It was the biggest mistake of my life,” I tell him, hoping that if he knows I regret it, he’ll back down. “You still like her?” “How could you not? Look at her.” Cam turns and begins to paddle forward, and as much as I want to tell him everything about us, I don’t. I’ll let Cam do it. Instead, I change the subject, hoping he’s capable enough to catch my drift. “See the way she reads the wave, then digs down into it with her arms and right when it caps, she catches it out of the corner of her eye and pops up, letting it pull her board where it wants as she balances on top of it?” “Yeah, man. She’s fuckin’ good.” “She’s the best. She’s got sick surfin’ skills, always has,” I tell him, my mind going back to us fucking out on the ocean the other day. She could win a Guinness World Record for balancing the best on a surf board. “For sure, man. But you would never try and pursue things with her again, would you?” I look him in the eye, stunned by his question. He’s got some fucking balls. Is he seriously asking me for permission to be with her?

***

“What did you say to him?” Cameron asks me as Luke drives off.

“I told him what’s up.” “Come on, Nixon, tell me exactly what you said. He wouldn’t even talk to me.” “Then that’s his problem.” Grabbing us two fresh beers from the fridge, I walk out back. I can still hear that little prick’s voice in my head, “You would never try and pursue things with her again, would you?” “Here,” I tell her and pass her a beer, pulling her into an embrace. She takes it from me as I kiss her lips. “You wanna sit?” “Sure,” she says and we sit together in one of the lounge chairs, with her resting comfortably between my legs. I have to be honest and tell her what happened. “Just tell me one thing first, does he know about us?” “Oh, baby, it’s way worse than that.” “What does that mean?” She sits forward and looks back at me, confusion plastered across her face. Yanking her body backwards, I hold her tightly against my chest and she reluctantly settles. “He’s…he’s in fucking love with you, Cam.” It kills me to say the words, to think that another man loves her, but I have to be honest. “What the fuck?” she blurts out, her heart racing inside her body, the blood pulsating though her limbs against my skin. “No, Nixon, you must’ve heard him wrong. What did he say to you?” I shake my head, not wanting to get into it again, but continue on, for her. “He questioned me, like he was asking for permission to be with you. I think he thought if he heard it from me, that I was over you, he could convince you to be with him. And I told him what’s up, that we’re back together.” “No, you didn’t. Why would you do that?” “I had to. I wasn’t about to let him think he had a shot with you. He told me plain and simple that he loves you and realized it when you two slept together, which he also told me about. Fucking disturbing to talk to a man who’s in love with your girl.” “Are you fucking around with me, Nixon? ‘Cause if you are, this is not funny.” “No, baby, I wish I were. The guy was almost in tears.” “Fuck,” she says and I tell her, “I’m sorry I told him, I know you wanted to. But it all got me thinking, and I understand if you want to be with someone like him.” “Jesus fucking Christ, Nixon, have you lost your goddamn mind?” she scolds me and I kiss the top of her hair, not really knowing what to say. “When it comes to you, I lost my mind a long time ago, babe.” “Do you hear yourself? What you’re suggesting is simply…wrong. I don’t want to be with anyone else but you, fuckups and all.” “Are you sure? If you wanna take things slow and maybe date other people, I’d understand.” “Shut the fuck up! Don’t you get it?” she asks me, turning around and looking me in the eye.

“Even if you were to leave me again tomorrow and break my heart all over again, this would all be worth the pain. You are it for me.” She looks at me through a smile, but a glaze of agony is in her eyes and it’s not about us, it’s still about Luke. Taking her chin in between my thumb and forefinger, I bring my lips down to hers, the connection that we share so strong. “I have to talk to him, I need him to understand why. But what am I supposed to say to him?” she asks me. “You’ve gotta be honest and do it soon.” She nods and I hope she can let him know herself that she’s not interested in him and that we really are back together. I felt like as I was telling him, he didn’t believe me.

Chapter 21 Cameron “You gonna talk to Luke before we go out?” Nixon asks me. “Yeah, especially with Seth here, I don’t want things to be über fucking awkward.” I tried to talk to Luke this morning, but he was super late, which I know he did on purpose and he wouldn’t return any of my calls or texts last night. “Did you ever think I’d be the one you wouldn’t have to worry about?” Nixon asks me, and I so want to kiss him. “Never, and I really appreciate it.” Seth showed up at our station this afternoon and put a total wrench into my plan of talking to Luke at lunch. As I gaze across the facility, Seth’s being all sociable with everyone. I catch Luke staring at me. “We could always bail on tonight,” I tell Nixon, but deep down, knowing now is the time to get it over with. “Yeah, right, now put your big girl pants on and grab Luke…well, don’t physically grab him.” I can’t keep myself from slapping his shoulder and he flinches, like I have some strength that hurts him or something. “Wish me luck. Now get your ass over there and make friendly with Seth. And please keep things chill tonight, okay?” “Okay, but you’re driving with me. I’m gonna make you suck me off on the way.” He walks off and I pack everything up into my bag as I head towards the guys. Luke spots me on the way and I can see the awkwardness already. “Hey, can I talk to you?” I ask him. “Yeah, sure,” he says and puts his hands in his pockets and walks with me as we go over to the other side of the shop. Walking away, we can still see the group, and I pay particular attention to Nixon. He’s so hot and confident, he’s laughing with Seth and doesn’t give Luke or me a second look. But that’s the thing about Nixon—he’s not fazed by other guys. He trusts that I’ll get this done, as he should. Forcing myself to look away, I tell Luke, “First off, I never meant to hurt you.” “I’m sure you didn’t.” He’s still distant and clearly hurt. “Please don’t make this awkward,” I tell him. “No, Cam, you’ve done that all on your own.” He finally looks at me. I can see the pain in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Why would you get back with him after everything he did to you?” “Luke, have you ever been with someone who when you’re together makes you feel alive?” “Just you.” “Come on, we hooked up once in the heat of the moment. I meant a past girlfriend.” He shakes his head and I don’t know what to say to him. “Well, Nixon is that guy for me.” “Maybe right now he is, but he’s not in it for the long haul. “Luke, you’re entitled to your opinion, but I don’t need to justify to you why I’m with him.” “Maybe you don’t. But I care for you and only want what’s best for you.” “And I appreciate that, I really do, but you can’t care for me, more than a friend.” “Why not? There’s something going on between us. I know you feel it too, and I’m tired of sitting back and waiting for you to make the next move.” “Luke, us sleeping together was a huge mistake. We were drunk and made a bet that led from one thing to the next. You’re my friend and someone I care a lot about, nothing more.” He shakes his head and looks up at the rafters on the building. “It’s okay, Cam. You don’t need to lie anymore.” “I’m not, Luke, you’re…you’re like a brother to me.” “Would you sleep with your brother?” he asks me. “It was a mistake, and I’m sorry that you thought I wanted more.” His eyebrows contort as he processes my words. “You can deny it all you want, but I’ve felt it for a while now, and I know you do too. I can’t help but think if he wasn’t back that you’d give in to me.” “Luke, I’m not denying anything, I’m being one hundred percent honest. You’re a sweet guy. You really are, but I’m meant to be with Nixon.” “That’s a mistake. He’s going to flake out and break your heart again. He’ll hurt you like he did before, then what?” “Then I guess you can tell me, ‘I told you so.’” “That’s not good enough for me, don’t you get what I’m saying? I…I have feelings for you, real feelings. I love you, Cam.” “You don’t love me, Luke. You love the thought of us together. Don’t let your head get you carried away with what’s not real. I’m so sorry, I really am.” “When he breaks your heart, Cam, don’t come crying to me about it!” He storms off, angry, and I catch Nixon glaring at him. “You guys ready?” Luke yells to the group and they all head out on his cue. Walking up to Nixon, he kisses my cheek and says, “Didn’t go so well?” “No, not at all, and now I’ve gotta tell Guy.” “He won’t care, you know that.” Nixon and I walk out and Guy shouts over to us from his car, “Hey, why don’t we all roll together?” We climb in the back, Seth is already inside and Luke is silent

up front. I know Nixon will be pissed—he had other plans for the drive. Piling in next to Seth, I don’t say much and feel like the odd man out as they get lost in their own conversation. “So how did you two originally meet?” Seth asks me and I look over at Nixon waiting for him to respond. “We grew up together.” “You seem to have gotten past the hatred that Cam originally had when you came back.” Nixon smiles at me, clearly thinking the same thing that I am…if he only knew. “What can I say, I’m hard to resist,” he says and places his hand on my thigh, clearly visible to Seth, and I don’t dare put a stop to it. Luke turns the music up, but Seth catches right on, smiling at me with gladness and affection. I was closest with him before Nixon came back, so he only wants to see me happy in life, and I’ve never been better than the way things are between Nixon and me currently.

***

“Hey baby,” Nixon says, waiting for me as I exit the bathroom, tipsy. He pushes me into the corner, his lips are on mine, and I surrender. As much as I like hanging out with the guys, well, everyone minus Luke tonight, I’ve missed my and Nixon’s alone time. “God, I want you,” he says through a kiss, his forehead resting against mine, and I close my eyes breathing him in. “Let’s go,” I tell him and he shakes his head. “We can’t, you’ve gotta tell Guy first.” “I’ve tried and every time I talk, Luke cuts me off or drags him away, like it’s a game and we are both vying for his affection. I shouldn’t be punished like this because Luke has a crush on me.” I push past Nixon and he pulls me back, laughing at my antics. “Stay calm. You’re drunk, and so is he. Finish your game of pool and get Guy aside, then we’ll get out of here.” Slowly, I nod and he takes my face into his hand. “I can’t wait to fuck you, Cam.” “Jesus Christ!” Guy says, rounding the corner, and Nixon lets go of me. Whelp, now he knows. “Are you two fucking?” My face turns beet red. “For real!” he blurts, “Does Luke know about this shit?” Nixon is quiet, letting me handle this, and I say to Guy “Yeah, he knows.” “And he’s cool with it?” “Not exactly.” “You know he’s in love with you, right?” “Oh my God, he told you too?” I shout and Nixon holds me back in the corner as I want to go

and yell at Luke for professing his love of me to everyone. “Don’t. Wait ‘til you’re both sober.” “How long has this thing been going on?” Guy questions us. “I don’t know.” My words are slurred and the room is starting to spin. I lean on Nixon, just wanting to go home and he says to him, “Not long, we’ve been trying to tell you all night, but Luke’s been keeping you away.” My eyes are heavy and Nixon says. “I think I should get her home.” “For sure, man.” We walk around him and he says to us, “For what it’s worth, I’m really happy for you both.” I go back and give him a hug, Nixon bumps his fist, then we slip out the front and thankfully find a waiting cab. Climbing in the back, I rest my head on Nixon’s chest as he runs his fingers through my hair. The safety of his arms around me puts me right to sleep.

Chapter 22 Nixon As I watch Cameron sleeping so peacefully, her naked body is wound around the sheets of my bed. The afternoon sun shrouds her every contour, and I simply lie here and admire her. Hopeful that when she wakes up, she’ll feel good. When we got home last night, she was fucked up. It took everything I had to convince her to not throw up. I got her to sip on some water and take some Tylenol, so I hope her hangover isn’t too bad. Her phone vibrates again on the nightstand and I hope when she wakes up, she’s not stressed about everything, now that it’s all out in the open. I want her to not be worrying about everything like she was. She’s done that enough in life, especially after everything I put her through. Gently, I trail my fingers down her back, not able to hold back from touching her any longer. She moves for the first time all morning, and I kiss her soft lips. Slowly she blinks a few times, looking at me, tired, and I ask her, “How are you feeling?” “Better than I think I should.” “Good.” She stretches and asks me, “What happened last night, did everything go okay?” “You don’t remember?” She shakes her head and reaches for the water on her nightstand. I pass it to her and say, “Guy caught us together.” “Oh fuck, before I told him?” “Yup.” “What about Luke, did he see?” “What’s that matter?” “True,” she agrees and grabs her phone as it vibrates then tosses it on the bed. “Who is it?” “It’s Guy. He’s freaking out saying I need to talk to Luke and make shit right. Why? Why do I? I tried and he got pissed. I didn’t ask for this.” “I know you didn’t, baby.” Taking her phone, I press down on the power button and we both watch the screen turn black. “See? Now you have nothing to worry about.” She pulls me on top of her and I settle in my favorite spot, right along her body. My shaft throbbing for her as she kisses me and I let her do what she wants. Grinding myself into her, she urges her hips towards me and I pull the sheet back so we are skin to skin. Not letting another minute go by, I connect our bodies. “God, I love your pussy.”

“Then fuck me.” I start to move. My ass cheeks tightening as I attempt to control myself. She’s so tight, my cock pumps in her deep like she likes. I slow down and she takes her hands, pushing me on. Looking at her, she’s frustrated, obviously wanting it fast and hard. I grab both of her arms and pin them above her head. She moans and I hold her arms with one hand and take one of her tits out and right into my mouth, nipping and playing with her hard nipple. “Oh fuck,” she whines writhing beneath me as she still tries to get me to move faster. She’s such a freak. But I hold her still, teasing her and only give her slow, long pumps; her tight pussy has my teeth grinding. “Fuck me!” she yells and I tell her, “Oh yeah, why don’t you fuck me!?” She fights against me and I let her flip me over, her naked body so sexy as she kneels above me and glides down on my dick. Immediately, she bobs up and down, my fingers digging into her thighs, her titties bouncing, and her stomach red and sweaty. She’s so fucking hot, riding me, breathless and naked, that I don’t think I can hold my cum much longer. Pushing my head into the pillow, I fight the feeling, getting lost in her beauty. She has her eyes closed, moaning, enjoying what she’s doing to me, and I move my eyes down her body as she fucks me. Then she squeezes my shaft, and right then, she takes my orgasm, like it’s hers, pushing me over the edge. My cum fills her before I can even grunt, and I grip her body, unleashing myself into her, fucking her hard. She spirals with me, quivering, falling forward, her eyes shut as I give her the same pleasure she gave to me. Still milking my sloppy dick in and out of her, she asks me, “Should I call him and try again, just to get it over with?” “Do you have to bring Luke up while I’m still hard?” “It’s bothering me.” “Forget about Luke and all that bullshit. Your phone is already off and we don’t have shit to do today. Let’s enjoy it.” “What should we do?” “I don’t know, I’m cool lying around and fuckin’.” She looks at me with the biggest smile on her face. “You know what? I actually have an idea,” I tell her. “Yeah?” “I do, get dressed,” I tell her, “and I’ll show you.” I pull my cock from her sweet pussy. “I hope it involves food,” she gripes as she trudges into the bathroom. ***

“Oh my God, Nixon, I haven’t been here since…” she trails off and then says, “If Conner finds out we came here without him, he’s gonna be pissed.” “Oh, he’ll be fine. The food on the ship isn’t that bad. Plus, he’ll be home pretty soon and we can take him here every day if he wants.”

She smiles as we sit inside of the tiny diner that we used to hang out in after school all the time. They have the best greasy food in town and I can tell that she’s hanging and needs the pick me up. “Whatcha thinking about?” I ask as she stares out the wall of windows. “What do you think Conner ’s gonna end up doing?” “What do you mean, babe?” “After this tour, you think he’ll serve another one and keep risking his life? I mean, I couldn’t imagine doing something that put me at risk every day.” I chuckle at her comment. “You do. Every day you jump out of that helicopter, you are risking your life.” “But it’s not the same. I’m jumping into the ocean with protective gear and I have a capable crew above me that would never let anything happen to me.” “Conner does the same thing. The situations he goes into, yeah, they are dangerous, but they are more thought out and planned than what you could even imagine.” “I’m worried about him. I miss him.” “I’m sure you do, but he’s smart. He’ll be okay, I promise.” She smiles and orders when the waitress walks up. I hate seeing her stress about him. I’ll do anything I can to ease her worries and make her smile.

Chapter 23 Cameron “You’re not gonna surf?” I ask Nixon as I wake up from zonking out on the beach. The hot sun calms me, warming me from the inside out. “Nah, I’m good right here,” he says and leans down kissing me. Then I look out at the waves as they crash onto the shore. “How long was I out?” I ask. “Not long, maybe thirty minutes,” he says and pulls me close to him. Laying my head on his lap, I love it when he holds me. “What do you want to do tonight?” I ask. “I don’t care.” “I can cook for your sexy ass?” I ask him. “Only if you make me lobster.” “Is that really all you like to eat?” “That and you.” I chuckle and he cups my cheek, still looking out at the water. “You good?” I ask, sensing a strange vibe. “Absofuckinglutely. Why you ask?” “You’re not surfin’.” “I was enjoying my time with you—watching the ocean—thinking.” “Okay,” I tell him loving how sweet he’s been. “Do you have a steamer?” “For clothes?” “No, silly, for the kitchen.” “Nah. I’ve got like a few pots and pans, I think.” “Well, if I’m cooking for you, then it’s gonna be at my house.” “That’s cool, I love your place.” “You do?” “Yeah, I mean anywhere you are, I’m good.” “Me too.” I tell him and then ask, “Do you wanna cool down in the water?” “Sure, baby.” We both get up and walk hand in hand down to the edge. The waves hit our feet and as we continue on, he lifts me up, cradling my body against his chest. I wrap my arms around his neck and let him carry me into the ocean. In this moment, right now, everything is perfect. Getting back with

him is what I always dreamed would happen. Even with the guilt suspended over my head that I’ve hurt Luke, knowing that Nixon and I are solid and nothing is going to change that, is settling. And what’s best of all, I can see the old Nixon shining through. Day after day, I’m getting glimpses of the man I lost. The man I thought I’d never get to have a second chance with, and now, here we are, with nothing but a clean slate ahead of us.

***

“Come on, Nix, the market closes in fifteen minutes,” I holler out as I buckle the strap to my sandal. He comes out of the closet pulling a t-shirt over his head and says, “Don’t be a nag. It’s not the only place in town that sells lobsters.” “It is if you want them fresh from the ocean today. Trust me, those other places pack them in the tanks and keep ‘em in there for weeks and it makes them taste strange. Now, we both know how much of a seafood snob you are, so let’s go.” “Fair enough,” he says sliding on his flip-flops and grabbing his bag of work clothes that he packed for tomorrow. “Let’s go, you diva!” he hollers at me and I grab my phone with a smile, loving his goofiness and run off towards him. “And you were yelling at me?” he says as I breeze past him and hop in his truck. On the drive, he asks me, “What are you making for sides?” “I was thinking of mashed potatoes and asparagus.” “Please no asparagus,” he says. “Why? You used to love it.” “Yes, key words being, ‘used to.’ For some reason it was something that they always served on the ship and after eating if for so many years straight, I’m done.” “I still can’t believe how long you were gone for.” He looks over at me, his expression plagued with pain as he says, “I’m sorry again for—” I cut him off, “Don’t be,” I tell him, “I don’t want to live anymore looking back. I want to move forward and take things as they come, like we have been. One moment at a time. It’s worked this far, right?” “Right,” he agrees and grabs my hand, wanting to tell me more, but clearly it’s the regret of the past eating him up and he needs to let it go. “Come on, let’s go snag you some lobsters.” He smirks and we hop out, running in and picking the perfect lobsters before the place closes. Then on the way back to my place, we stop at a grocery store to get everything else we need for dinner. After we checkout, he loads everything into his truck and seems perfectly content as we head to my place for our feast. Nixon parks on the street in front of my condo and grabs everything before

we head in. I smirk looking back at his arms so full, but he’s determined like that. He wouldn’t let me take in a single thing. As he sets everything down in the kitchen, I begin to unpack the bags and when I find what he bought for his side, I literally laugh out loud. “Seriously,” I yell, holding up the deli container of imitation lobster pasta salad. “Aww yeah, Cam, fuck yes, I’m serious.” He takes it out of my hand and grabs a fork. “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.” “It looks gross, and you know that lobster ’s fake,” I tell him as he lifts a forkful to my mouth. “Just eat it.” I oblige his request and even though it looks hideous, it really has some flavor. “It’s good, huh?” he asks “Yeah, it’s not bad.” “See, told ya so. It’s like a book—you can’t judge it by its cover.” “Look at you getting all poetic and shit.” He spanks me and then opens a bottle of wine that he must’ve slipped in at the end of the shopping trip. As I dice the potatoes, he pours us each a glass, then hands me mine and lifts his. “To a wonderful dinner with my amazing girl.” We clink glasses. Then as I take a sip, I pull out the box of cake mix. Nixon ogles it and says, “God, how do you know me so well?” “Uh…chocolate and lobster…it’s not that hard.” He kisses me and says, “How can I help?” I direct him what to do, but I can’t shake Luke from my mind, I feel bad…I really do. So I ask Nixon as I prepare the cake, “Why do you think Luke is acting the way he is? We were such good friends, I don’t get it.” “It’s your pussy, Cam. It’s a fucking gold mine. It’ll make a man do crazy shit.” “Shut up,” I tell him and gaze into his eyes, but he’s not joking. “See, this is why you don’t sleep with your friends.” “I slept with you when you were my friend and look where we are now.” “I’m the exception to the rule.” He cups my face and asks me, “Do you wanna know a secret?” “Sure.” I nuzzle back against his palm and look into his clear blue eyes as he says to me, “When I was gone, every single time I jerked off, all I thought about was you.” “Really?” I’m shocked. The confession as raw as it is, is so fucking sweet. “Uh-huh.” Sliding to the floor, I kneel in front of him and unzip his shorts. His cock is hard and I lick my lips, stroking him before I make a move. He reaches down and takes one of my nipples in between his fingers and then says to me, “You gonna suck me real good?” I don’t answer with words, instead I dip my finger into the bowl of cake batter and drizzle it on

his shaft. Then respond with my lips, shaping them securely around him, and eagerly eat him and the sugary sweetness up. Tasting every bit of his hard cock, while I possess and own every single second of our time together.

Chapter 24 Nixon Cameron sucks me dry, swallowing every last drop of cum. Licking her lips, she pulls away satisfied, as she should be. Then she slowly removes her panties, tossing them back to me and I place them in my pocket—they’re mine; she’s never getting them back. My cock is still hard, eager to get inside her sweet cunt. I lift her dress, looking beneath it at her ass as she backs up on me. Standing up, I slip right inside her and she gasps from the fullness. Fuck! I don’t move, letting her work me. My hands are beneath her dress bracing her hips, guiding her. Squeezing her sides, she grips the other countertop, and I move her faster, but suddenly she stops. “Don’t,” she breathes, “or I’ll come.” “See how it feels?” However, I can’t stop myself—she’s moaning and I can’t reach to cover her mouth. As I pull out of her, she stands up and her dress falls into place. I lift her up and toss her onto the first surface I see. She laughs as she lands on the couch, looking up at me with her legs slacked to the sides, and I yank her hips over the arm and slam back into her. “Oh God!” she cries out, and I fuck her hard. Moving so quickly my balls sting. She writhes under my control, my cock giving her body pleasure. I begin to sweat and tear my t-shirt off above my head. “You like being fucked hard?” “Yes, Nixon!” she cries out and then says, “Right there, don’t stop.” Her eyes are fixated on mine and I’m lost in hers, watching the way they constrict and expand as she prepares to let go. But when she does, she closes them, and my name expels from her lips. The simple sound of it alone causes me to let go, another fast and hard orgasm. This is what Cameron does to me. With my cock still inside her, I lean down and kiss her tenderly. “That was so good. Thank you,” I tell her and she nods. “You okay?” I ask. “Yeah, I’m exhausted and don’t feel like cooking anymore. That was so good.” “You wanna order in?” I ask her and readjust myself back into my shorts. “If you’re okay with that.” “I’m cool with whatever you want, babe.” I turn the water off, still boiling on the stove. “But you still have to bake my cake.”

Looking outside, it’s starting to rain. I grab our glasses and the wine bottle, bringing them to the couch. As I hand hers to her, she flips the TV on and there is breaking news of two new storms that are developing off the coast of Africa. Both are projected to head right towards Florida. “Surfing should be epic,” I tell her and sit down with a smile on my face, pulling her feet onto my lap. I search my phone for what we can order in. “That’s one plus, but work will suck.” “Yeah?” I question her, not having gone through a storm being in the Coast Guard yet. “Yeah, it sucks working in the weather, and we get so many more calls.” “Well, at least we get to do it together,” I tell her. “That’s true, but Luke will be there, and God, I hope he doesn’t make things awkward.” “He’ll be fine; give him a few days,” I tell her, hating how stressed he makes her. He better not make shit awkward, ‘cause if he does, I’ll set him straight, that’s for damn sure. I’m done living with regrets. I did that shit for far too fucking long. He needs to be a man and stop acting like a fucking baby.

***

“On a positive note, at least we get to drive into work together now.” Cameron gives me a small smile, her typical positivity in the mornings is gone. Replaced with the stress of seeing Luke. “Babe, don’t let him bring you down.” “I’m trying,” she says and gets out of my truck as we walk. Taking my hand, I wrap it around hers, and she looks down at our intertwined fingers, then stops. “Do you have to rub it in?” she asks me. “I’m not rubbing anything in. I’m just not hiding what we are.” She accepts my answer and we continue on. I don’t let her hand slip from my hold, and walking in, I can sense everyone looking at us. I’ve got to admit, it feels fucking good. Right away, I spot Guy and Luke talking, and when Luke sees us, he bails, heading outside to the helicopter. Seriously? Cameron lets go of my hand, and as we walk up to Guy he says to us, “Did you really have to walk in holding hands?” “What did you expect us to do?” I ask Guy, a little peeved that Luke is acting like such a bitch. “He’s sensitive, you both know that. Don’t throw it in his face.” “I’ll talk to him,” Cam says and walks off, heading right towards Luke. “What’d he say?” I ask Guy, hoping that maybe I can get a read on things to squash this bullshit once and for all. “He’s broken up, man.” “I don’t get that. She never acted like she was into him.”

“But she slept with him.” “He told you?” I’m a little agitated by this revelation, but I guess it’s no secret. “Yeah. I don’t know what to do, Nixon, but I can tell you this: our team is gonna crumble faster than you can blink if we don’t make this right.” I scoff at Guy, “I mean, one lapse in judgment and now he’s head over heels. Seems a little crazy to me. He’s the one doing this, not me. If you expect me to not act like I’m with Cam, for the sake of him, it’s not gonna happen.” “No, man, that’s not what I’m asking. Could ya keep things cool and maybe not rub it in his face?” “Of course,” I respond as Cameron storms back over to us pissed off, her face red as she shakes her head. “He’s like a fuckin’ child,” she blurts out. “What happened?” I ask, agitated, watching him through the windshield as he sits in the cockpit. “He’s being a fucking bitch.” “Whoa, why the language?” Mack asks, walking up to the three of us. “Nothing, it’s nothing,” Cameron shrieks and as I stand here, I find my fists clenched at my sides and my eyes on him. He wants to act like a little bitch, then I’ll give him an ass whoopin’ like one.



Chapter 25 Cameron “Do you think it’s weird I haven’t heard from Conner?” I ask Nixon. “No, babe, I’m sure he’s busy. He’ll call when he can.” I nod, knowing he’s right, and fill the dishwasher with the dirty dishes from our dinner. “Luke seemed better today,” Nixon says to me and I roll my eyes. “Why, because he actually said ‘bye’ when we left tonight? It’s been a fucking week. He should be over it by now, but he’s still acting like his dog died.” Nixon laughs at my words, and I shrug my shoulders. “What? It’s true.” “I know, it was funny the way you said it.” “Maybe we should put in for a transfer?” I suggest and immediately he shuts the option down. “No way,” he says and I start the dishwasher. Nixon’s phone rings and he tells me, “I’m not risking us getting split up.” He looks at the screen, then says, “It’s my aunt. Hello?” he answers and nods his head as he speaks. “Yeah, I don’t mind at all. Of course, let me know how things go. Tell her good luck. Love you too.” He hangs up and says to me, “Rhonda’s water broke, so she’s headed to the hospital, and my aunt needs someone to watch Scoundrel.” “Holy shit, that dog is still alive?” “Oh yeah, and wait ‘til you see him, he looks exactly the same.” “We gonna stay there?” I ask Nixon. “Yeah, you cool with that?” “Of course, I mean, we did grow up in that house, so it’ll be a time warp, that’s for sure.” “I can’t wait to fuck you in her kitchen again.” I smirk and walk off to pack a bag. Nixon yells after me, “I’m gonna take my stuff to the car, okay?” “Sure, babe.” After I’m all packed, we make the short trip inland to his aunt’s house and the moment he parks his truck in front of her 1970’s-style retro house, I’m totally taken back. Nixon used to spend all his time here. Since his dad was in the military, his mom hated to be home alone and basically moved them in. Conner and I lived at the end of the block. Conner always had a crush on Rhonda, but she was too old for him. “Do you remember when Conner broke his arm falling off his skateboard out here?” I ask him.

“Oh my God, he screamed like a girl,” he says and we both bust out laughing. Getting out of the truck, I look up at the house, where so many memories from our childhood took place. We walk up to the front door and Nixon stoops down to lift a small plant, where his aunt still leaves a key. He opens the door after struggling with the lock for like five minutes. The little dog greets us with an excited look, and Nixon was right, he looks the same. “Hey, buddy,” I say to him and lean down, petting his straggly fur. He sits his butt right down and Nixon scratches his head too, then goes into the kitchen. “You hungry, Scoundrel?” he calls out and I lead him into where Nixon is as he fills his bowl with a fresh cup of food. Looking around, I can’t believe how identical everything is. Still to this day, it is the same as it was the last time I was here. “She hasn’t changed a thing.” “No, she really hasn’t,” he responds and lifts me up, setting me on the kitchen island. With my arms locked around his neck, I smile, gazing at him, and he says to me, “Can I fuck you now?” “Uh huh.” As he begins kissing my neck, I lean back, bracing my weight on my arms. His lips warm me, and as I take a hand reaching down for his cock, Scoundrel barks at us, already done eating. We stop kissing and stare at the tiny dog, which apparently thinks he needs attention. “Well, I guess I’ll have to fuck you later,” Nixon says and then asks the dog, “Do you wanna go for a walk, buddy?” His words turn Scoundrel into psycho doggy as he darts to the front door and stares at his leash that is hanging by it. “You coming, beautiful?” he asks me as I stand in his aunt’s home, a place that holds so many memories, so many times when things were so much simpler.

***

“Wake up, baby,” Nixon says kissing my shoulder and squeezing my ass. I’m groggy. I didn’t sleep well, and as I take the room in, I remember why. The bed in his aunt’s spare room is so uncomfortable. “What time is it?” I ask, looking over at a freshly dressed Nixon. “It’s six something.” “Oh my God, why are you up?” “I had to take care of the dog and wanted to take you somewhere today.” “This early?” He nods, giving me such a sexy look. How can I say no? I’d rob a bank with him if he wanted to. “Where?” I ask him and stretch, trying to push away the exhaustion. “Can I show you?” “Can you tell me?” He leans down and kisses me. “Two options: we can either stay in and fuck all day, or you can come with me.” As good as his lips feel on mine, I have to get up. “I need out of this bed. It’s terrible.”

“Come on then.” He takes my hand and helps me stand. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen,” he says and walks off. I get dressed trying to think of what he could want to do today, and I can’t think of anything around here. I mean, maybe surfing at our favorite beach, but we don’t have our boards with us. “Make sure you have your swimming suit on.” “Are we going to the beach?” I call out and he says, “Nope.” Pulling my dress back off over my breasts, I put my suit on and then brush my teeth and go find Nixon in the kitchen. When he sees me, he excitedly says, “Are you ready?” “Uh huh,” I tell him, wondering what in the world has gotten into him. He hands me a coffee and drops a few bones in Scoundrel’s bowl before we bolt. I feel like he’s literally dragging me out of the house, and as we drive away, I ask him, “What’s with the big hurry?” “You’ll have to wait and see, baby.” “What’s in here?” I ask, peeking inside the brown paper bag that is sitting on the center console. “Breakfast.” “Whoa, where’s Nixon? And who is this man that’s cooking for me and rushing me around at six in the morning?” “Shut up,” he teases me, “It’s nothing big, only a bagel.” Gladly I eat it, looking out at the town as we drive through it. My brain is working overtime, trying to pinpoint where he is taking me. “Are you sure we aren’t going to the beach?” “I’m sure, babe, I promise.” It’s not long until he parks his truck in an unfamiliar lot and says, “We’re here.” I don’t recognize anything and ask him, “Are you sure you brought me here, or was it someone else?” “Wow, now that’s cruel,” he says. “Who else would I have brought here? It was always you, Conner, and I, remember?” “There was that girl…what was her name? Something with an L…Leticia or Laurel, whatever it was…was it with her?” “Would you get the fuck out of the truck and follow me?” he cuts my speculation short, and I watch as he yanks his tight white tank top over his head, his blue eyes eating me alive as he looks at me through the thin fabric. Stepping out, the sand mixed with gravel is soft and feels familiar between my toes. I pull my dress over my head and toss it on the passenger seat, following Nixon’s lead, wearing only my suit. He walks off and looks down a ravine, I come up behind him and once my eyes focus in on the gorgeous turquoise waters of the cove and the large rock that is nestled above it, so many memories of being here come flooding back to me. How could I forget this place? We used to spend hours cliff diving here. “You remember it now?” he asks, reaching for my hand and leading me over to the top of the cliff.

“Yes, remember when…” “Conner pretended to drown?” he finishes my sentence for me. “Yes, what would make him think that was funny?” “You know Conner, babe, he’s always out for a good laugh and to get a rise out of you.” And he is…it’s one of the things that I love about him and miss most about him. He’s such a goofball. No one makes me laugh harder. As we reach the edge, we each take our flip-flops off and toss them down to where you climb out, still remembering the way we used to do things. Holding Nixon’s hand, with the rough surface beneath my toes, he kisses me, cupping my face, and says to me, “Fall with me,” the same way he always used to. I don’t have to answer him, as he knows my answer. Leaning into the feeling of nothingness, the gravity quickly takes over, plummeting us into the warm water below. My fingers are knotted around his until the impact of the water tears us apart. As we come up for air, our bodies reconnect like a magnet. “Nixon Andrews, I was wrong about you…you know that?” “Yeah? Why do you say that?” “You are a gentleman.” “Nah, not me,” he says and grasps the top of my head with his hand, pushing my entire body under the water as he swims away. The water surrounds me, stealing away my vision and control and as I come up, I spot Nixon putting his flips on and then dashing up to the top of the cliff. He’s coming back in, and as I scoot to the side watching his crazy ass run and jump off, he flies through the air like a super hero. Being back here is perfect. I can’t believe I forgot about this place. The only thing missing is Conner; he would love to be fooling around with us. Nixon’s body hits the lagoon hard, and he swims over to me, pulling me close to him as we tread water and get lost in one another ’s kisses. He tastes so sweet and smells more amazing than I can describe. “Wanna jump again?” he asks eagerly. As we climb out, it’s clear why he was so anxious to get here early. This place was always busy when we’d come, and now has got to be even more popular than when we were kids. I’m sure it will be crowded with tons of people before we know it. I reach for Nixon’s hand as he goes to help me out, but I yank him back, hard. Bracing my feet on the rock at the water ’s edge, he flies into the cove face first, and I scramble off, knowing that if he catches me, I’m screwed. As I run up to the top, my heart races as he closes in on me, and I don’t know that I can think of a happier time we shared. This was one of the greatest memories we shared, and I suppressed it because of the pain Nixon caused me. But reliving it again with him makes me know that God does give second chances in life. What you do with that second chance…that is entirely up to you.



Chapter 26 Nixon As nice as it was to go back and reminisce with Cam, being back in the bubble we’ve created, feels so right. Waking up in her bed, with my arms wound securely around her, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. I never thought this would happen again. I fucked things up so bad for us, to the point where I believed they were irreparable, but as I breathe her in, my hard cock wanting inside her, I know you can’t control fate. It’s a cloudy day. The impending storms are pushing in a tailwind of thunderstorms towards us as they get closer and closer. The sky is dark and it’s far too early to be awake, but… I don’t sleep anymore. I watch Cam. She moans, waking a little, and when she pushes her ass into me, I reach down, pressing my cock into her tight little slit. “Mmmmm,” she whines, and I shove myself into her as far as I can. Then we each begin to move. Our bodies match each other ’s rhythm. My dick glides so effortlessly in and out of her. I squeeze her tighter and suck on the sensitive skin of her neck. My thrusts get harder, working her more. And she pushes back against me, rolling me flat on my back. Still nestled inside her, I hold her above me. She balances on her hands and feet and I unleash a fury of fucking. Pounding her, our skin slaps together. Her cries of pleasure motivate me to continue on, and the feeling I’ve been working towards hits me hard and my balls explode. As her body falls back against mine, I don’t stop moving and her noises pitch. Her entire body stiffens as she lets go. I pump her good, making sure she comes hard, and when she settles, we roll back over and I close my eyes, finally feeling like I could sleep. “That’s the best way to wake up.” “Yeah, it is,” I respond. “It looks nasty outside today,” she says. “I think that storm’s closer than we realize.” “But it’s still projected to veer north, right?” “Yeah, last I heard. Why don’t you let me jump in and do any rescues today, okay?” She hesitates for a second and then says to me, “I don’t want to see you risk your life.” “Coming from the girl who said our job isn’t dangerous.” “Fine, you can jump. It’s about time that you get your feet wet.” I kiss the top of her shoulder, happy that she’s letting me. She releases a long exhale, and I sense

something is bothering her. “What’s going through that head of yours?” “Nothing, I was thinking about being back at your aunt’s.” “Did you like it?” She turns in my arms and looks at me. “I did. I mean, any time alone with you is great. But it was really good to go back and see my parents’ old house and remember all the times we shared growing up. I wish Conner could’ve come, too.” “We’ll run him so ragged when he comes home, he’s gonna hate us.” “Yeah, we will.” I kiss her shoulder and say, “I’m gonna shower.” “‘Kay.” After I’m done and get dressed for work, I find Cameron in the living room on her laptop. “Conner call?” I ask her. “No, I was checking the connection, since we brought it home from your aunt’s…” I can see the worry on her face as she gets off the chair and traces the line back to the wall. “He’s all right, babe, I promise.” “How do you know?” “‘Cause I was where he is. I’d go months without calling my mom sometimes. That doesn’t mean anything is wrong. He might have a new mission or be switching ships. You’re lucky he calls you as much as he does.” She looks up at me with tears in her eyes, and I pull her into me. I’m not sure if she’s crying over Conner, or that I was gone as long as I was and never contacted her. “He’s good, babe. Be positive,” I tell her. She nods and says, “Thanks, I’m gonna shower,” and walks off. I let her go, knowing she’s strong, and as soon as Conner calls, she’ll know everything is good. After I finish making our lunches for the day, I look for my phone and can’t find it. I must’ve left it at my aunt’s. Going into the bathroom, Cameron is in the shower and I peek my head in, pinching her nipple. She jumps as I scared her and swats my hand away, but her normal smile doesn’t follow. “Have you seen my phone?” “No, why?” “I think I left it at my aunt’s.” “I haven’t seen it,” she says and rinses her hair. “Are you cool if I run over there now and grab it? Scoundrel could probably use a bathroom break.” “Sure.” “You still stressing about Conner, babe?” I ask her. “I’m trying not to, but I feel like something’s off.”

“Let it go, trust me. If something were wrong, someone would’ve contacted us.” She leans over and kisses me. I pinch her nipple again before walking off and she rolls her eyes. “Meet you at work, babe.” Hopping in my truck, I head across town wishing my aunt was home from the hospital so I could just call her and see if my phone is there. But she said my cousin wasn’t getting released ‘til later on in the morning, so I’ll just go and check. Pulling up to a stoplight, I can’t shake what Cameron said to me. “I feel like something’s off.”

Chapter 27 Cameron “So, what, now you’re talking to me?” I ask Luke as he walks in and says, “Good morning.” “I never stopped talking to you.” “Right,” I tell him and text Nixon, Mack just called a meeting, you better get here. I wait for him to respond, but he doesn’t, so I go into the conference room and take a seat next to Guy. “Hey, how was your weekend?” he asks. “Good, you?” “Good. I think Macey and I are gonna get a dog.” “Really?” I ask him, knowing he hates pets. “Yeah, her co-worker is moving and—” “Good morning, everyone,” Mack says, starting the meeting, and I’m pissed that Nixon isn’t here yet. That will be the last two meetings he’s missed. “So, I wanted to discuss these tropical storms headed towards us. We all know how unpredictable Mother Nature can be, so we have to be prepared for anything. First off, Tropical Storm Lena is expected to head north and not cause any imminent problems or damage to land. Although as you look outside now, you can see we’re already dealing with rain and some wind. That means, flight crews, you might get grounded if things pick up, but let’s hope not. You all know what your helicopters are capable of, and I’ll have a very close eye on things too. Next we have Tropical Storm Melo, and that is expected to hit a little north of us. Now, these things always change, so for now, I don’t want anyone freaking out. Let me worry about the storms. As for you all, it’s business as usual. Any questions?” No one asks a thing, and as we all disperse from the room, Mack stops Guy, Luke, and I. “Where’s Nixon again?” he’s agitated, and I tell him, “He had to run an errand this morning. He’ll be here any minute.” Mack walks off and we head out into the shop. The guys don’t say anything to me, and as we round the corner, I spot Nixon pulling up. About time! I text him and wait for him to respond, but he doesn’t. So I grab the checklist I need for our inventory. As I turn and head out of the bay, Nixon’s silhouette is standing in the doorway. He is frozen, our stares locked on each other ’s. His eyes are red and glassy as he looks at me. Something is wrong. I’ve never seen Nixon like this, and my heart starts to pound, my insides tightening in fear. Slowly, I walk to him, afraid that this is him leaving me all over again. Once I reach him, he says to me, “It’s Conner…I’m so sorry, baby.” I swallow, taking in his words. No. What is he talking about? But I can’t seem to find my voice, all I can do is focus on the sheer look of agony that plagues

him. “He’s…he’s gone.” “No,” I shake my head, tears bleeding down my cheeks as I fall against his chest. He holds me up, my strength depleted, and I sob like a child, wailing as his words pierce my heart. Nixon tries to calm me down, shhhhing me as I ball my hands in fists, banging them on his chest. This is all his fault, being a SEAL was his idea. “You left him there,” I sob and my knees give out. He holds me up, crying, repeating the words, “I’m sorry,” over and over again. “What’s wrong?” Guy asks and touches my back. But I can’t even answer him, all I can do is shake my head realizing that my brother is gone. He’s fucking gone! I felt it this morning and didn’t want to believe it…but my worst nightmare is now the reality of my life. “Conner ’s gone, man,” Nixon says, and I fight him to let me go, so hurt. Devastated. In the process, I fall to the ground. Nixon lifts me up and carries me away. He sits me in one of the chairs in Mack’s office and kneels between my legs. I can’t breathe. Fuck, I can’t breathe. “Calm down, Cam. Breathe,” he tells me, but his face is distorted and as I struggle for air, it gets worse. I look at him and gasp. “You…you…you…” “Shhhh.” He holds my face tightly, cutting me off, and I look for him to make things right, to make it better, to bring Conner back. But he fucking can’t, and I can’t quiet the voice in my head that keeps pointing the finger at him. He sits with me, letting me cry and work through the pain. Not loosening up on the grip he has on me at all. My insides are numb…part of me is gone. Staring at the corner of the room, I feel like I belong in a mental institution. My brain hurts so fucking bad and finally I ask, “What happened?” needing to know how. “Not here, let’s talk about it at home,” he tells me. There’s a light knock on the door, and Mack comes in with a bottle of water. “She okay?” he asks Nixon and he shrugs his shoulders. Slowly I look at Mack and he passes me the water, “Drink some of this.” Taking the bottle from him, it feels like it weighs a hundred pounds. “Why don’t you both go home and take some time?” Mack says. “Thank you,” Nixon responds and Mack touches my shoulder, “Cameron, I’m so sorry about your brother. If there is anything that I or the Coast Guard can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask, okay?” I nod and watch Mack walk out. The only thing I need is my brother. “Come on, babe, let’s get you home,” Nixon says and in a daze, I stand, leaning on him for support. My legs are weak, and when we exit the room, I look and see everyone standing along the wall. I can barely make out their faces. As I walk past every one of them, they each step forward and hug me. I’m not even sure what they are all saying as I get passed down the line. The room is fuzzy and once I feel Nixon’s hands on

me, I say to him, “Please, get me out of here.”



Chapter 28 Nixon Quietly, I come in from Cameron’s back patio, having called her parents again, but still I’m not able to get ahold of them. I’m not sure what to do. Sitting softly on the chair next to the sofa, she’s still asleep and I pray that she doesn’t wake up. Right now, sleep is the only place that she is not in pain. My mind is still plagued with the images of her breaking down, when I told her how he passed. She lost control and freaked out. I’ve never seen her so upset and it scared the shit out of me. Seeing her hurt like that was terrible, and I couldn’t help but feel somewhat responsible. All I want to do is take her pain away, but I can’t. That is one of the worst parts about death—there is no rhyme or reason to it. It doesn’t warn you. It doesn’t let you pick and choose. Because if it did, I’d switch places with Conner in a fucking heartbeat. But it’s not an option, so I have to be strong for her, no matter what. Even though she knew he risked his life every day, you can never prepare yourself for the magnitude of this kind of loss. Saying goodbye to a family member, or anyone that you love, is the hardest thing you could ever imagine, but watching the person you care about most grieve when you are in pain yourself… and feel like you had a hand in it all…it’s fucking awful. Closing my eyes, I can’t imagine what Conner went through. The explosion was so bad that there was nothing left of him to recover. A sob forms in my throat and I lean my head back reminding myself to stay strong…for Cameron. My phone buzzes and I look to see a message from Guy, How are you two holding up? I contemplate how to respond. What do you tell people in a time like this? When I lost my dad, I was so angry that I shut everyone else around me off. That’s the beginning of when I started to push Cameron away. If there is anything you guys need, let me know, he texts me again. I respond, Thanks, Cameron’s sleeping. It’s been rough. I’m sorry, man. Please tell her we are all thinking about her. And you too. he sends me in another text I don’t respond. I know everyone feels terrible, but I also can’t help thinking that they blame me a bit. Hell, I blame my fucking self and Cameron does too. I shouldn’t have lost my temper so I could’ve stayed with Conner and done another tour. I should’ve ensured he came home safely to her. And had I not gotten kicked out, he likely wouldn’t have switched to land missions and been a hell of a lot safer out on the ship. Resting my face in the palms of my hands, the remorse is too great to

handle, and I choke through another sob that I can’t hold back. Shaking my head back and forth, struggling to catch my breath, Cameron touches my arm, and I look at her through my blurry eyes. “Come here,” she says, opening her arms to comfort me, and I slide along the sofa, our bodies resting chest to chest. I push away my pain, not wanting her to see me like this and she says, “I’m sorry about earlier, and how upset I got.” “No, babe, don’t apologize for shit. You had every right to react how you did. You’re fucking right—I can’t hide from the fact that I’m to blame.” “No, Nixon! You’re not. Stop saying shit like that. I was angry and didn’t mean what I said.” “You don’t need to go back on how you really feel, Cam. It’s the fucking truth. Had I stayed, he wouldn’t have joined the land missions. He would have been safer on the ship.” “How do you know that? You think he took your spot? That you were the only person who left?” She’s right, there were reorgs every year. But the pain, the guilt, fuck…it hurts. I fight back the tears as her phone vibrates. Immediately, I grab it off the coffee table, wondering if it’s her parents. “Who is it?” she asks. “It’s Luke.” “Don’t answer it, I don’t want to talk to him. Did my parents ever call back?” “No, and I tried them a couple more times, but their phones keep going to voicemail.” “God, they’re gonna be so devastated. I don’t know how I’m gonna tell them,” she says. “I can tell them.” “No, I’ll do it. They need to hear it from me.” “Okay,” I tell her and her stomach growls. It’s so loud. We haven’t eaten anything today and we need to. Kissing her on the forehead before I get up, I go look in the fridge. “I’m not eating anything,” she says. “Yes, you are.” I find some leftovers from our dinner out last night and pop them in the microwave. As I stare at the seconds clicking down, Cameron asks me, “Do you think he suffered?” Bracing my weight on the edge of the countertop, I don’t even want to imagine what the last seconds of his life entailed. “No, I don’t think so, baby.” She exhales, her hands resting on her stomach as she looks up at the ceiling. “That’s good. That’s good. As long as he didn’t suffer.” The microwave dings, the noise startling me, and I take the container to the couch, handing Cameron a fork. She looks at it and closes her eyes. “I really don’t want to eat.” “I’m sure you don’t, babe, but you need to get some food in you.” She nods and sits up. We each take tiny bites as the rain pelts against the windows. Her phone rings again and when the screen says “Dad” on it, she drops her fork. “I can do it for you, baby,” I

offer again, and she shakes her head answering the call. “Daddy,” she says through a strained sob, and I rub her back, wishing I could give her the strength to tell her parents that Conner is gone. Unfortunately, no matter what I want, nothing is going to help her. It just won’t. Her voice is strained, every word painful. And when the messages of blame start tearing at me again, I try to remind myself what she said to me, to see a different truth.

Chapter 29 Cameron I’ve never lost anyone close to me until Conner. As I sit back nestled in Nixon’s hold, the room is filled with the voices of Guy and Macey, and it makes sense to me how when you’ve never lost anyone close to you that you don’t understand the magnitude of grief until you experience it yourself. I can tell Nixon is trying to be polite, talking to them, and I’m just blah…not in the mood to visit. It’s been five days and nothing seems to matter or to be any different with how I feel. The old saying, “Time heals all wounds” isn’t helping me…at all. “Cam? Baby?” Nixon nudges me and I look up at him slowly, like a robot. “Do you want Macey to heat up the casserole they brought?” “No, thanks.” I try to smile. Guy says, “We really miss you at work.” “I miss you, too,” I tell him and then feel myself drifting off again. “Babe?” Nixon says nudging me again. Looking down at my hands in my lap, I have no clue what he’s talking about. “Huh?” “They’re leaving.” I get off the couch, standing to hug both Guy and Macey. Guy pulls back and looks me in the eye; I can see how hard this is for him. “Anything you need, please ask…okay?” I nod and he shakes Nixon’s hand, “Remember what I said.” Before I can question him…they’re gone. “That was nice of them, huh?” Nixon asks me. “Yeah.” I glance over at myself, my stringy hair and pale reflection in the mirror looks terrible. “I think I wanna take a bath.” “Okay, you want a glass of wine?” I nod and lean into his lips as he kisses me before I walk off. Turning on the water, I begin to fill the bath and slip out of my clothes. Sliding into the cool tub, waiting for it to be filled, I close my eyes. I’m so exhausted, even though all I do is sleep. Processing the loss and going through the grief is mentally taxing. Nixon comes in with a large glass of wine and sits on the floor next to me. “Here you go, beautiful.” “Thanks,” I tell him as I adjust the water with my toes, making it warmer. He rubs my cheek with his thumb and says, “It was good to see them.”

“Yeah, it was. I feel bad that they can’t work without us.” “Mack will get them some help.” “When? In like a year?” I respond. “Let’s hope not. But that’s not what’s important. I’m worried about you.” “I’m okay, I really am.” I tell him. “Can I make you anything to eat, even some toast?” “Sure,” I tell him, knowing he won’t stop until I eat. He smiles and kisses my forehead, then leaves. Sliding further down, I keep calm, reminding myself to only think of good times with Conner. Not how he passed or what he went through. Taking a sip of my wine, I hear Nixon turn the news up. It sounds like they are talking about the next tropical storm. As he comes in with my toast and more wine in hand, I ask him, “What are they saying?” “Sounds like it’s expected to make landfall by this weekend.” He sets my food on the edge on the tub and then gets undressed. “Scoot forward,” he tells me and gets in behind me. My body molds perfectly to his as I lean back against him and he feeds me a bite of toast. Staring at the tile wall as I drown the noise of the TV out, Nixon says to me, “Did you want to go in and have lunch with the guys this week?” “At work?” “Uh huh.” “Yeah, that’d be nice.” “It will.” “Maybe we could help out with the storm too?” “You mean work?” “Yeah.” “No way,” he says, “It’s too soon,” “Says who?” I ask him, offended. “I can go in and eat lunch, but I can’t work a little if I want to? Nixon, if I’ve learned one thing through all of this, it’s that you can’t put a timeframe on grief. I’m probably going to feel like this for years.” “Come on, babe, it’s only been five days.” “And I’m still in the same funk I was when I found out. No better. Maybe keeping busy would help?” “I don’t think it’s a good idea, babe.” “Well, you don’t get to choose on this one. Like when you left me. I didn’t think it was a good idea, but you still did it. It’s what Conner would want. He died fighting for our country, and if a storm is headed right towards our hometown, then I want to make a difference. Grieving or not.”

Nixon holds me tight, not responding to my idea. He’s trying to protect me, I get that. But if I keep lying around moping, then nothing will get any better and I don’t want that. I want to make my brother proud. I want to be happy and to make a difference, like Conner did. “Nixon, there are going to be people out there in this storm that we could save and bring home safely to their families, so they don’t have to go through what we are. You said so yourself that you would’ve switched places with Conner, so you’ve gotta understand what I mean.” “And I do, Cam, please don’t think I don’t.” He kisses the top of my shoulder and I turn in his hold, gazing into his clear blue eyes. “I worry that you aren’t ready. You’re barely eating; you’re still processing everything. Just give it a few more weeks.” “Weeks? No way. I’ll start eating if that’s what you want.” He exhales and grabs my face. “What I want…I want you to be okay and safe. I want you to take baby steps and not make a rash decision.” “Coming from the guy who left me all those years ago and kept joining the Navy a secret until it was time to say goodbye.” “Yeah…and it was the biggest mistake of my life.”

Chapter 30 Nixon Oh fuck, her mouth is so warm. I don’t want to open my eyes, this dream feels so real. It’s been too long since we’ve fucked. I need this, I need Cameron. Reaching down, I hold on to the sides of her face but…she pulls me out of her mouth. Motherfucker. I knew it would end, then out of nowhere, she’s straddling my body, the warmth of her skin above me heats me, and I open my eyes, needing to see if this is really happening or not. And sure enough, Cameron is hovering over me. My attention is drawn to her pussy as she reaches behind her and holds on to my shaft, sliding down on top of me. A strong growl brews within my throat, echoing off the soft walls of her apartment. Then she begins to move, her hands placed neatly across my chest, smashing her tits together. Fuck, I’ve missed her. She has her head back and is in her own world. Tilting my head to the side, I watch her, loving how lost she is, how nothing else matters, and for once… she doesn’t seem to be in pain. Bracing her thighs, my fingers dig deep as she fiercely bobs up and down on me, showing no mercy. She moans and I angle my head back, getting lost in her noises, pumping my hips upward each time she comes down on me. Her pussy is my salvation. With everything that we have been through…she is all I need. “Oh God!” she cries, falling forward, releasing all her pent up pain and stress into an orgasm so amazing that I let go too as I slam her from underneath. My balls fire; the feeling can only be described as mind-blowing. As she lies down on top of me, I tickle her back, trailing my fingers all over her skin. Her breathing is even, nice and calm, and I ask her, “Did you sleep okay? “Yeah, I did. You?” “The rain kept me up most of the night, did you hear it?” She shakes her head and I look out the window at the gray sky. “We probably should go and stock up on some water and food today.” “Is that really what you want to do?” she asks me. I chuckle a little, “It’s not what I want to do, babe, but we need to.” “Okay, do you still want to have lunch?” she asks me. “Sure.” “Can we do it today?” “Yeah,” I tell her.

“Did you think about what I said last night?” “Can we just start with lunch and then see how you feel after visiting today?” “‘Kay.” Cameron slides out of bed. My eyes watch her tight ass strutting to the bathroom, loving that she is actually up. “You want coffee?” I ask. “Please.” I hop out of bed and pull my shorts on from the floor. I make us a fresh pot of coffee and go in search of her. She’s pulling up her hair and she asks me, “You ready?” “Uh…yeah.” I respond and grab a change of clothes, then brush my teeth and find her in the kitchen with two to-go cups of coffee for us. She’s obviously looking forward to getting out. “You wanna walk the beach?” she asks me. “Absolutely,” I tell her and glance at her, wondering why the sudden change. Looking outside it’s not raining, so I don’t question her. I take the coffee she passes to me and we head out, both barefoot. It’s one of the benefits of living on the beach. Looking up, the sky is dark. “Do you think this storm is gonna be that bad?” she asks. “Personally, no, it’s already so disorganized. I think we’ll get a lot of rain, but that’s it.” She takes a sip of her coffee, looking out at the blue water, and I don’t think she has the slightest clue how gorgeous she is. “What?” she asks as I stare at her. “Nothing, admiring you. I’m glad to see you up and fueling yourself.” I wrap my arm around her, keeping her close to me and pray that this is the beginning of us moving past the pain of the loss of Conner. I don’t want to hurt anymore or see her hurting. The way she has been this last week has been unbearable at times. So to see a smile on her face and to actually have her out of the house, I’ll do anything to keep it that way.

***

Sitting back in the chair as I observe Cameron bullshitting with everyone at work, I don’t know that I’ve seen her laugh more in a really long time. She’s even laughing at the dumb shit Luke says. This is where she belongs. This is what she needed. “You better see a doctor for that,” she tells him as she looks at his black and blue thumb. Apparently, he closed it in his truck door or something and it looks fucked up. “See, good thing you’ve been off; it gave my thumb time to rest,” he tells her. One of the other guys chimes in, busting his balls saying, “Right, like your thumb needed a fucking break. The only thing you use it for is to jerk off.” “Oooooohhhh,” the room erupts at the jab. “Fuck you, asshole. So you all know, I had a date last night.” “Yeah, with a hooker?” that same guy says and Luke flips him off, storming out of the room. Cameron is laughing so hard she can barely sit up and I shake my head. I mean, the poor guy had it

coming. But our banter is quickly cut short as Mack walks in. The room quiets and he looks at Cameron with the most sincere regard as he leans down and hugs her, then pulls a chair up next to us. “How are you holding up?” “I’m better. Especially now that I’m here.” “Yeah?” he asks. “Uh huh, things have been rough…really rough. But seeing everyone and being back here feels good. How are things with you?” “Hah, busy as ever,” he says looking down at the stack of papers in his hand. “What’s all that?” she asks him. “Projections about this storm.” “You think it’s gonna be a big deal?” I ask him. “I don’t know, possibly. I’m hoping we can have the helicopters out the entire time and not miss any rescues…but you know how it can be. You’re both from here after all.” “If you’re worried about the boats getting pulled in and needing help, Nixon and I can work,” Cameron says, and at this point there is no talking her out of any of this. This is what she wants to do, and if she sits in the heli while I do the rescues, then so be it. We already agreed that I’d be going in from now on. “Are you sure?” he looks at me and I nod, giving him the green light. “Yeah, being here today has been great. And I want to make a difference; I don’t want other families to suffer like we have. If we can get our team out there, then I want to be a part of it.” “Nixon, you feel the same?” he questions me. “She brought it up last night, and I guess I can’t argue. This is where she belongs; this is what makes her happy.” “Okay, I’ll reactivate you both starting tomorrow morning.” “Thank you!” she exclaims and gives him a hug. I stand and shake his hand before he walks out. Looking down at Cam, she kisses me. “Thank you, baby. I promise you won’t regret this.”



Chapter 31 Cameron Suiting up for my first shift back feels so good. Inside, I can feel Conner guiding me. The four of us are all talking and laughing the way it’s meant to be. The storm is breaking up, so it’s way calmer than we expected and that has everyone not so on edge. “Is this all we need from the inventory?” Nixon asks me. “Yeah.” “That’s nothing,” he says. “I know.” “I’m so ready to get up,” Luke exclaims and I ask him, “Did Mack not even let you guys run the beaches or anything?” “Nope, we were put on the no-fly list. All we did was a lot of cleaning around this place.” I look around and notice that things do look pretty good around here. “Well, I’m back and I’m not going anywhere.” “Damn straight.” We go out to the chopper—it’s a little breezy but not as bad as I thought it would be—and load up. Nixon finishes stocking what we needed and kisses me before I put my headset on. “You sure you’re good?” he asks. I smile from ear to ear and tell him, “Never better.” Strapping up in my seat, I can feel it in my bones that this is what I’m supposed to be doing. Luke talks to dispatch and Guy starts the engine causing the blades to whip above us. Nixon takes my hand in his as we sit next to each other. I glance over at him and he winks at me. I smile back, and Guy announces, “We’re clear for takeoff.” The Jayhawk lifts in the air and Nixon kisses my hand a few times, Luke says, “We can hear your lips when you kiss—save that shit for home.” “Ten-four,” Nixon says, shutting him right up, and I can’t contain my smile. “Seems calm,” I tell Guy as I notice we aren’t being jerked around. “Yeah, it’s not bad at all. Winds about thirty knots.” Looking out my window, the waves cap from far out and I say, “Should’ve surfed today.” “Yeah, we should’ve.” “Luke, you been out at all?” I ask him. “Nah, my thumb’s got me all jacked up.”

I catch Guy glance at him and he cuts him off before he can even tease him, “Don’t you even start with me now, you douchebag.” “You know…I really missed you guys,” I tell them and they say in sync, “Who…us?” Then we all three bust out laughing as a call comes over the radio. “USCG 6035, this is Lieutenant Boscov, do you copy?” “Ten-four, Lieutenant, we can hear you loud and clear,” I cheerfully answer first. “I was checking in, since I missed you this morning, how are things out there?” “Quiet, sir, and smooth.” “Good, let’s hope they stay that way. Welcome back.” “Thank you, sir.” We disconnect and I say to the guys, “That was nice of him.” “Oh, Mack, don’t let him fool ya,” Luke says and I notice Nixon staring out his window but not at the water, at the sky. “You good?” “Yeah.” We cruise for a few hours and everything remains quiet. There are no boaters out today or anything crazy needing our attention so far. “Should we head in for lunch?” Guy asks and we all agree. But as we circle back, there is a call of a stranded fisherman, eleven miles out. “You guys want it?” Luke asks and I respond rapidly, “Absolutely.” But as I glance at Nixon, I can tell something is wrong. He’s still watching the weather and the darkening sky. In order to save this person, we are flying right towards the storm.

Chapter 32 Nixon “Remember, I’m going down,” I tell Cameron as she unbuckles and begins to put her gear on. “No, you aren’t,” she argues with me and I glare at her. “Remember what we agreed on?” “That was before Conner. Please let me do this, baby. I’ve got more experience. I’ll be fine—in and out.” Luke comes over the radio, interrupting us and says, “The boater called in stating that his engine was malfunctioning and he was running on a faulty backup. The dispatcher lost connection with him, but got his last coordinates. He is or was on a thirty-eight foot Yellowfin boat. “Ten-four,” Cameron says, and I can feel the wind pick up whipping around us, shaking the exterior of the helicopter. “Please?” I beg her and she says to me, “I’ve done this thousands of more times than you have. Trust me, okay?” “Cam.” “It’ll all be good.” She finishes getting geared up, and what can I do? Cause a scene? She has the authority over me at work and should be the one to go down. In and out. It’ll all be good, I tell myself and believe her words. “T minus three minutes until arrival at the coordinates,” Guy says and I double-check her harness, pulling up on it tightly. “Start looking, everyone,” Luke orders, before I connect the drop line. She adjusts her snorkel and mask and we look out the windows. “I have the watercraft in sight,” Luke says and Cameron and I both see it too. The boat has been overturned and the guy is nowhere in sight. “Dammit. We’re too late,” she says in a somber tone. “I’m gonna circle around and see if we can get visual of the boater on the other side,” Guy says and I can see the disappointment on Cameron’s face. “There he is,” she shouts. “Clinging to the motor.” Luke starts to talk to dispatch and she says, “Unhook me and put the basket on the line.” “No way. You’re not going down unless it’s attached to the line—end of story.” “I have nowhere to stand down there and we need to get him out of the water, fast.” Guy gets into position and I tell her, “Straddle the boat, then I’ll send you down the basket.” “You’re clear, Cam, be safe,” Guy says and I open the door. She looks at me one last time, the look in her eyes is so trusting, and I kiss her. Before lowering her down, a gust of wind shakes the

heli but Guy keeps us steady. “We good?” I ask, stopping from lowering her. “Yeah, wind speeds are projected to drop as the storm is moving away from us,” Luke says. I focus on Cam, watching how she sways in the wind, but effortlessly lands in place, then straddles the back of the boat. She unhooks her line and waves at me. As fast as I can, I raise it up, all the while my eyes are on her sitting on the bottom of the rocking boat. The line comes in and I attach the basket, lowering it to her, hoping that with the wind, we can get it right in the water so the guy can climb in. I can see he is struggling. But to me, no one else matters except for Cameron. I hate her down there like that. The wind is gusty as I drop the basket. I land it close to him and he swims to it, wrestling with it as he tries to get inside. I can see Cameron yelling to him, telling him what do. Then she signals me to pull him up. He’s panicking and even from my vantage point I can see him heaving in for air as he sways in the wind. As soon as I have him secure in the chopper, I unhook the basket and begin to lower the line to her. As it heads down, she looks up at me so expectantly, and then we get knocked with another blast of wind. The fucking alarms sound in the helicopter as we begin to fall from the sky. All the while, I watch Cameron, stranded—waiting. “Winds have picked up,” Luke says as Guy recovers. “We’re gonna need to circle,” Guy says flying away from her. “No…fuck that. We’re not leaving her.” Waves crash over the boat and lightning lights the sky. She looks up at me scared as we go farther and farther from her. “We’ll come right back,” Guy says and I react…and fucking jump. I will not make the same mistake twice. I already left her once, I’m not leaving her again. My body plummets through the air crashing into the ocean like a rock. I fight my way to the surface; the waves are overbearing, crashing over me every time I think I’m clear. Then I spot Cameron, waving her arms back and forth. She’s far away from me, but I keep swimming to her, ‘cause my life depends on it. She is my life. Reaching the boat, exhausted, she’s lying over it and stretching for me. The rain is suddenly dumping down hard and it makes it impossible to climb up on the boat. “What were you thinking?” she shouts as I struggle. I don’t answer her, instead I keep fighting to get up on the boat, but realize as the storm is upon us, that I can’t. Looking around, the clouds are the darkest I’ve ever seen them and I tell her, “You need to get in the water with me.” “Why?” she asks, panicked, as a wave hits her back and throws her in. Her fingernails dig into my arm and I pull her up. “This storm is coming right at us. We have to go under the boat.” “No.” She has tears in her eyes. “They’ll be right back, they won’t leave us.” She looks up at the sky and I do the same, our bodies keep smashing against the boat. A feeling of disillusionment washes over me. “They aren’t coming back, baby. The helicopter will crash.” “Yes, they are!” she shouts.

“Cam.” Water splashes into my mouth and I spit it out. “They aren’t coming back and I’m not going to let anything happen to you, now get under the boat. It’s still floating, so there’s an air pocket we can seek shelter in.” “And what if they come back?” “Then they’ll send a team down to find us, you know that.” Thunder cracks in the sky and she flinches. “Go, babe!” She swims beneath the overturned boat gripping my hand and I follow, our life vests making it hard to get under the boat, but we do and sure enough there is a small air pocket that we float right into. Cam is crying, I can hear her, even though I can’t see her, and I just hold on to her as we get thrashed around. I pray to God and to Conner that we pull through this. After everything, what a shitty way this would be to go out.



Chapter 33 Cameron The rain has lightened and I’m not sure how this boat hasn’t sunk…but it hasn’t. About an hour ago, I had a panic attack. I thought I was going to die from lack of air and realizing that Guy and Luke aren’t coming back for us. They really left us and that hurts worse than anything. Our job is search and rescue, and here we sit two US Coast Guard faithful, stranded and waiting. The waves are making me nauseous and Nixon asks me, “You okay?” “I need air,” I tell him and he says, “Let me go check on the conditions.” “NO!” I screech, knowing how easily we can get separated. “We’ll go together.” “Okay,” he agrees, not arguing. “On the count of three,” he tells me and then counts. The second that he says “three,” I breathe in before we go under, pushing off the boat with my feet. As we surface, the rain is lighter and you can see the storm moving away, but the waves are still heavy. “Let’s try and get on the boat using the motor to climb up on.” We move around the back and I grip it, then Nixon pushes my ass up with one hand and I lose contact with him. Right away, I panic, but I’m on the boat and he’s pulling himself up too. I straddle it like I first did when I came down, and he does the same. He’s exhausted; I can see it all over his face. Leaning over, I hold his hands so we stay connected and tell him, “Thank you for not leaving me.” “Cam, I’ll never leave you again, no matter what.” “Thank you.” “You’re everything to me.” “Me too.” “I love you, Cam.” Those three little words are the first he’s ever said to me. We never said it when we were younger, even though I think we both felt it. “I…I love you, too. I always have. I’m sorry I made us come to work today.” “Don’t be sorry. We’re together, and that’s all that matters. Everything happens for a reason and here we are.” “You really feel that way?” “Yeah, I do.” I can’t stop the tears, feeling so emotional, so lost out here. “Are we gonna die?” “No, not a chance in hell. We could survive for months, and you know the entire Coast Guard is

out looking for us.” “Why hasn’t anybody come yet?” “I don’t know, but they will. We’ll stay with the boat, and it won’t be long.” I nod, knowing that he is right, but as the sun begins to set and nightfall isn’t far away…I begin losing hope. “Don’t fall asleep, baby.” Nixon shakes me by my hands, and I blink heavily. “Just five minutes?” I ask, the swaying motion and pure exhaustion making me so tired. Then there it is…the sound we’ve been waiting for. “Do you hear that?” he asks me. “Yeah, it’s a boat!” We both begin to wave our free arms at the small watercraft, being sure that we are still holding hands with the other. The boater seems to be coming right towards us, but it’s not the Coast Guard. “He sees us,” I exclaim. “I know.” As the boat pulls up, there are a few fishermen on board. “What are you doing all the way out here?” the man driving it asks us in his thick tropical accent. “We’re with the US Coast Guard in Florida and were attempting a rescue when we both fell from our aircraft,” Nixon says. “You’re far from home, my brother,” the man says. “What do you mean?” I ask. “You’re five miles off the coast of the Bahamas.” “What?” I shriek. “The Gulfstream must’ve pulled ya. Which is a good thing. I hear Florida is getting hit hard by that storm,” the man says. “We can take you back to our place?” “Okay,” Nixon agrees; we don’t have any other options. We need to get to safety. The men help us climb on board, and I’ve never felt better. I cling to Nixon and he asks them, “What are you all doing out here?” “Fishing!” He nods his head and another guy opens a huge cooler packed with a ton of fish. “Thank you for stopping,” Nixon says. “You have no idea how grateful we are.” “Of course, my man, it’s what humans do, we help each other out. Were you guys out here long?” “I’m not sure,” he says, and that’s the last thing I remember…

***

“Baby, wake up,” Nixon says and I fight to open my eyes. The engine to the boat cuts off and everyone starts to clamber onto the dock. Nixon boosts me up as another man grabs ahold of me until he gives me back to Nixon.

My eyes follow the long dock that leads to an old tropical hotel. There are tiki torches lining the walkway and Nixon says, “This place is beautiful, Beni.” “Thanks, it’s been in my family for over fifty years now. This is my wife, Tama.” We shake her hand as she greets us and he says, “Could you set them up in a room and bring them some food? They were stranded.” She nods shyly, smiling. She’s a gorgeous woman, but a woman of few words. I’m still wobbly as we follow her into the office of the hotel and she grabs a key off the wall, then leads us to a room. “Here you go,” she says quietly, opening the door to the cozy space. Right away, Nixon looks in, then says, “Do you have a phone I could use?” “No, no phones here.” “Is this good?” Beni asks, popping his head in as his men carry the coolers with fish behind him. “Yeah, um…no phone though?” “Oh, no. I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about that. We could take the boat where you can make a call, probably three hours? But it needs gas and I’m afraid they’re closed for the night.” “What?” I shriek, feeling so lost. But at the same time, if I was to have to get on another boat, I might be sick. As much as I love the ocean, I don’t think I could go near it right now, even if I had to. Going through what we did today was the scariest thing I’ve ever endured. “We’ll go in the morning,” Nixon says, “This is great. Thank you both so much. We’ll pay you back.” Beni and Tama close the door and I slide down the wall, sitting on the floor with my knees huddled to my chest. “You all right?” Nixon asks me, panicked, and I swallow the tears. Not even knowing myself if I am. “What the fuck are we gonna do?” I’m still in shock with everything we’ve been through and scared that no one knows where we are. He sits in front of me, resting his arms on his knees and says, “We have a plan, we’ll call home in the morning. We should feel very lucky to be on land and safe and together.” “What’s the chance that the one person who finds us has no way to contact anyone? What about on his boat, does he have a fucking radio?” “I looked, Cam, and he doesn’t, but who cares? They left us, they can wait ‘til morning. ” “Nixon!” “I’m sorry. It’s going to be okay, babe. We’re safe now. If back home is getting hit by the storm, then they can’t search for us and are probably without power too.” “They are going to be worried sick.” “Good. They fucking deserve it. They abandoned us.”

I still can’t believe that Luke and Guy actually left us. Our number one rule in the Coast Guard is to look after your team. Reaching down, he unzips my vest and says, “Let’s get you out of these clothes.” I agree and let Nixon help me stand so he can undress me. I’m wobbly as he takes all of my layers off and once he finally puts the robe from behind the door on me he says, “Why don’t you lie down?” And I couldn’t want it more. “How are you so steady?” I ask. “I’m a SEAL, babe, I lived in and on the water for four years.” He takes an extra blanket out of the closet and wraps me in it. He strips naked and wraps a towel around his waist. Then pulls the covers back and lies down himself. Just then there is a knock on the door and he answers it. Tama has a huge tray of food and sets it on the bed in front of me. “We stay in room two, if you need anything.” “Okay, thank you very much,” I tell her. She leaves and I grab something fried off the plate shoving it into my mouth. Nixon smiles, watching me eat it, then does the same. “Are those conch fritters?” “I don’t know, but they’re so good.” We eat in silence, not really saying much. My mind is racing so fast, I couldn’t make a coherent statement if I tried. After everything that we went through today, from almost dying to now being secluded and stranded on a tropical island, I can’t help but feel there is someone or something behind all of this.

Chapter 34 Nixon The sun is barely lighting the morning sky and I find myself watching Cameron, feeling grateful that we’re here together. I’ve never been more pleased with a rash decision in my life. She’s so calm and gorgeous. All I want to do is make her happy. She passed out hard after a bath last night. Thinking back on things, I didn’t question jumping for one second. Hell…I didn’t even think about it, my body just did it, the magnet of our connection always keeping us close. There’s a light knock on the door, and I get up, wrapping a towel back around my waist. When I open it, there is no one outside, I look in either direction, but don’t see anyone. Then on the ground, I spot some clothes and a note, Breakfast begins at 7:00am. We can take the boat at 9:00am. Bringing in the clothes, the sound of the door closing wakes Cam and I feel bad. “Sorry, baby,” I tell her. “It’s okay. Everything all right?” “Yeah, Tama must’ve dropped off some clothes.” She smiles and lifts the covers. I climb back in, getting close to her, nose to nose, and she says to me, “Please tell me everything that happened yesterday was a dream.” I smirk and play along with her, “Sure…it was all a dream, baby. Don’t you remember we got married and are on our honeymoon?” She grins happily and kisses me. “I like the sound of that.” Then she pulls me on top of her. My cock is hard and my breathing is rough, wanting her, then she urges me on, and I push myself inside of her tight little cunt. Grunting as I cup her face, I pump my hips. “Mmmhhh,” she moans, spreading her legs wide, and in this instant, I let all the worry, regrets, and what-ifs go, living in the moment, the way she and I decided when I first came back. Her pussy is tight and she holds my dick hard with every push and pull. My lips move to her neck where I get carried away sucking on her. “Oh fuck,” she whines, and I cover her mouth with my hand, assuming the walls to this place are paper-thin. Leaning up as I fuck her and try to keep her and the bed quiet, I take in her beauty, loving how her body tenses as she orgasms and how right everything feels. Then I let go, coming hard, milking every bit of myself inside her. She looks back at me unsure and says to me, “I didn’t take my birth control last night.” “Okay,” I respond coolly, her words not bothering me in the slightest. The truth is, I want

everything that there is and more with her, and only her…she is my forever. “Does it bother you?” she asks me. “No…not at all.” “Really?” “Yeah. Cam…you…you’re my future. With you by my side, everything is right, and if that means we’re meant to have kids, then so be it, baby.” She kisses my lips and then I pull out of her. Looking through the clothes that Tama brought, I slide on the board shorts and t-shirt that are a little small, and Cam slips on the dress. “You feeling okay?” I ask her as she stands. “Yeah, way better.” “Good.” After breakfast, we wander around this amazing place and find a hammock hidden beneath some banana trees. “Let’s lie down.” I slide in and she nestles in against my chest. The heat of the day is perfect, the birds are chirping. “It’s beautiful here.” “It is. I could live here,” I tell her. “Me too. What if we stayed here and didn’t go back to Florida?” “What do you mean?” I ask, perplexed by her question. “What if we both quit the Coast Guard jobs and lived here? I have almost a hundred grand saved up that I was gonna use to buy a house. We could start a life down here with it.” “Would you really want to?” “Nixon, what I know is, when you left me all those years ago, I was heartbroken and never thought I’d see you again, or get a second chance. Then God brought you back into my life. Now… after losing my brother and us almost dying yesterday, then winding up in this beautiful place, I can’t help but think that it’s gotta do with fate. Why would we leave here? We ended up here, together, for a reason. ” I think about her words and I agree with her. She is right on so many levels that it’s scary. But… up and leaving our lives in Florida to live in the Bahamas, is that even crazier? “How would it even work?” I ask her. “One day at a time, baby…” she says to me. Our motto…it’s worked thus far. Which is what I was thinking this morning. The way we think alike, it’s something else. Looking out at the vast views. I imagine having every single waking moment together, and that…that feels so right.

Epilogue Cameron 1 year later

Staring at a picture of Nixon and me with Guy and Luke, I miss them, but I also know in life the hardest decisions don’t come easy. They tried to come back for us, but the storm was too strong. They would’ve died, and had that happened, I don’t know how I could’ve lived with myself. I only have one regret in life and that’s not being able to share all of this with Conner. But… that’s also one of the reasons why I followed my gut when we ended up here. I truly believe it happened for a reason and that this is where Nixon and I are meant to be. When Nixon came back into my life he was in a rough place and gave zero f*cks about where his life was going. He’d given up on any chances of saving who he used to be. But as time passed, the old Nixon that I'd always known and loved crept back to the surface. There’s no rulebook to life, or right or wrong way to do things. Your life is as you create it, and the decisions that you make throughout it. Let me show you what Nixon and I chose…

“Did you feed the chickens today?” I ask Nixon and he shakes his head as he chops down a stalk of bananas. They come flying towards his head and he swiftly catches them. Grabbing the bag of feed, I sprinkle it on the ground, my wedding ring glimmering in the setting sunlight. The chickens surround me as I look out at the water, seeing if I can spot my parents yet. They should be here any minute, and I feel like I haven’t seen them in ages. “I got the bananas. Do you want anything else?” “Can you pick some lemons? I want to make lemonade for my dad.” “Sure, babe.” He swats my ass with the end of his machete and I jump, laughing. Living here with him really is a dream come true. Each day is a new adventure. As scary as it was to say goodbye and leave the only place that I’ve ever called home, I knew it was the right decision. “Hello, Mrs. Cameron,” Beni says, bringing over fresh fish, which he caught today, and I think it’s the last of what we need before my parents get here. “Hi Beni, what did you get?” I kiss his cheek and he sticks it in our freezer. “Mahi, cobia, and red snapper.”

“Nice, thank you.” “Where’s Nixon?” “Picking lemons.” Beni and I walk around the property to find Nixon plucking off all the perfectly ripe lemons from the top of the tree. “Hey, bro,” the guys shake hands and Beni starts to help. Then I look out at the water and spot them. “They’re here,” I shout. Nixon and Beni stop picking and we head down to the dock. Nixon holds my hand and steadies me on the way. As their huge sailboat pulls up to our dock, my dad tosses a line to Beni, who ties it securely, and I can see the tears of joy in my dad’s eyes as he looks at me. My mom is already crying as she rushes off the boat and grabs me by the cheeks. “Cameron, you look stunning.” I smile, embracing her, having missed my mom’s arms around me more than I could imagine. “And huge,” I tell her. She rubs my round stomach and says, “That’s nonsense. You are beautiful. Are you sure there’s not two babies in there, though?” “I’m sure, Mom. Daddy!” I exclaim after Nixon, Beni, and him all greet and he holds me tightly. “How are you, baby girl?” he asks me. “I’m great.” “It’s amazing here!” my mom says. “We’re very lucky to live here and thankful to Beni and his wife for everything.” Beni smiles and says, “We found ya for a reason. Mr. and Mrs. Hollis, it was a pleasure.” My parents smile at him and my dad shakes his hand saying, “Thank you for saving my little girl’s life.” He nods and then heads up to his place, which is down the road from ours. When we told Beni that we were interested in moving here, he said he had some land he could sell us. After the guys busted their ass fixing up the little house on it, here we are. Walking up to our tiny little beachfront bungalow, my mom exclaims, “It’s perfect!” and we head inside. “It’s not your traditional home.” “And you think our boat is?” my mom asks. I show my parents around and they love our home and as the four of us stroll to the edge of our property, my dad asks me, “Is that it?” I nod, tears pricking my eyes as he and my mom walk ahead of Nixon and me hand in hand, to a bench we built for Conner out of one of his surfboards. My parents observe it, like it’s him, and in a way, it is. Sitting on that bench is where I feel closest to him. Nixon wipes my tears away, and I look up into his loving eyes. “Don’t cry, baby.” He leans down kissing me tenderly, always knowing how to help me. As his

free hand is resting on my stomach our baby kicks right where his hand is. He pulls away and says, “Really?” “I think she’s feisty today.” “Just like her mom,” he says and I glance at my parents who are both sitting on the bench looking out at the vast view. “Thank you for all of this,” I tell him, knowing how hard he’s worked to not only get everything ready for my parents to come visit—building the bench being one of the many things he’s done—but also to make this dream of mine come true. Thinking back on everything we’ve been through, I never thought I’d say this, but I wouldn’t change a thing about the past. Because if I did, it could risk the course of how things turned out. Deep down, I always knew Nixon and I would end up together, it was just a fight to get here, a fight well worth it and now we’re living each day to the fullest.



Acknowledgements Mr. Prezident, you are the world’s best husband. Thank you for being my partner through it all. These stories would not be what they are without you, Zero F*cks included. Thank you for always loving me, even during my ditzy moments, guiding me, and never going easy on me. I love you, babe. Lisa, I’ve told you before and I’ll say it again, you are a remarkable editor. I can especially see it in the way this story turned out. Thank you for pushing me to be a better writer and always supporting me and working so hard to make these stories the best they can be. Leticia and Janice, thank you for always having my back and helping me under my crazy time constraints, this one especially. You perfect these books and are the best team of proofreaders I could ask for. Crystal, you are such an awesome PA and a true gift from God. I love all that you do and want you to know how thankful I am for everything; I’m so blessed to work with you. To my ARC team, crazies, and pimpettes, each and every single one of you makes a difference in what I do and are all so instrumental in the success of each one of my books. Thank you for your undying support. It means the world to me. Last, but not least, the readers, reviewers, and bloggers. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading Zero F*cks. I hope you loved Nixon and Cameron’s story as much as I loved writing it. Be sure to check out my other books here www.amazon.com/author/lkcollins and for my upcoming releases, head over to my website www.authorlkcollins.com.