Love Me By Christmas - Jaci Burton(ang.)

Other Titles by Jaci Burton PLAY-BY-PLAY NOVELS The Perfect Play Changing the Game Taking a Shot Playing to Win Thrown by a Curve One Sweet Ride Melting the Ice Straddling the Line Quarterback Draw All Wound Up Hot Holiday Nights – A Novella Holiday Games – A Novella Holiday on Ice – A Novella Unexpected Rush Rules of Contact The Final Score HOPE NOVELS Hope Smolders Hope Flames Hope Ignites Hope Burns Love After All Make Me Stay Don’t Let Go

Love Me Again WILD RIDER NOVELS Riding Wild Riding Temptation Riding on Instinct Riding the Night ANTHOLOGIES Unlaced Exclusive Laced with Desire Nauti and Wild Nautier and Wilder Hot Summer Nights SPECIALS The Ties That Bind No Strings Attached Wild Nights Rescue Me Nothing Personal Unwrapped Dare to Love Unraveled SINGLE TITLES Love Me By Christmas Wild, Wicked, & Wanton Bound, Branded, & Brazen

Love Me By Christmas By

Jaci Burton

Love Me By Christmas All Rights Reserved ©2017 by Jaci Burton ISBN: 978-1-946535-31-3 Cover by Designs By Dana eBooks are not transferable. They cannot be sold, shared or given away as it is an infringement on the copyright of this work. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher. This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locale or organizations is entirely coincidental. Published by Jaci Burton

Praise for Jaci Burton “A STALWART IN THE ROMANCE GENRE.” —USA Today “A wild ride.” —#1 New York Times bestselling author Lora Leigh “Jaci Burton delivers.” —Cherry Adair, New York Times bestselling author “As always, Jaci Burton delivers a hot read.” Fresh Fiction “Burton is a master at sexual tension!” Book Reviews “One to pick up and savor.” Weekly

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—RT

—Publishers

Contents Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen About Jaci Burton

Chapter One “Do you want me to bring the Christmas decorations down from the attic?” Ellie Washington tensed. She hated this time of year. And even though it would be five years this holiday season, she still missed her husband, John. She turned to John’s older brother, Nick, and forced a smile. “I guess. Sure.” Nick leaned against the kitchen counter. In many ways he resembled John. Tall, lean, dark good looks. But John had been her sweet, buttondown shirt and khaki pants nerd—a financial planner by trade who’d worn the same look at home. Nick was a grease monkey, an auto mechanic who owned a shop a few miles from his house. He wore jeans and T-shirts that were often smudged and dirty. His black hair was always a bit too long, and his eyes were a sea blue, whereas John had had green eyes. She missed John’s eyes, that way they used to crinkle at the corners when he laughed. Still stuck in the past, Ellie. Five years later, you’re still thinking about John.

Time to move on. She knew it, and yet she still felt…stuck. As if she couldn’t quite find that joy that used to be hers. Especially at the holidays, which was always tough. But this year was going to be different. “Hey, Ellie. You listening?” She blinked, lost in the memories. “Sorry. What?” “I said I thought maybe we’d take Henry and get a tree this weekend.” Her stomach knotted. John had died at Christmastime five years ago. Henry had been growing in her belly and they’d stood in front of the tree, John rubbing her belly bump and the two of them dreaming about the following year, when there would be a new baby in their house. And then her husband had died and her life had gone to hell. It had taken her a long time to get over that, to be able to function again as a living, breathing human. She thought she was doing pretty damn well at the functioning part. The living part? Maybe not so much. Nick came over and pulled her against him. “You’re thinking about John.”

He always seemed to know her so well, knew her moods and even her reflective moments. That came from spending so much time together over the past five years. She looked up at him. “Yes.” He rubbed her back. “We can put off the tree and the decorations if you want.” She pulled away. “Nope. We can’t. Henry loves Christmas. You love Christmas, probably even more than Henry does. I’ll get into it once all the decorations are up just like I always do.” He tipped her chin back with his fingers. “Like you always do?” She let her lips lift, just a little. “Okay, buddy. Maybe I’m not all that jolly this time of year, but I’m working on it. And if she wasn’t all gung ho about Christmas, okay, so maybe she was still a work in progress there. Her husband had died in a fire on Christmas Eve when she’d been at work. John, exhausted and overworked, had fallen asleep. Faulty wiring had sparked a fire in their old house and he’d died from smoke inhalation. “So…what do you think this year?” Nick asked. “A noble fir?” She shook herself out of the bad memories.

Bad memories were for the past, and she refused to live in the past anymore. “That sounds great.” Nick picked up his phone. “We could go today. There’s still plenty of time before it gets dark.” “Or we could wait until tomorrow.” Nick cracked a smile. “Yeah, because why do something today we could do tomorrow instead? Especially something you don’t really want to do, right?” He gave her that look that told her he knew her all too well. And of course he did. “Maybe we could wait a few days?” She cast him a hopeful look. He responded with his signature smile. “Sure.” She wouldn’t let him see the relief that swept through her. Instead, she offered up a smile. “Thanks, Nick.” “Hey, no big deal.” “It is a big deal. You have no idea how much everything you’ve done for me, and for Henry, has meant to me.” “Whoa. Where did that come from? And no thanks is necessary, Ellie. You’re family.” Family. Yeah, that’s what they were to each

other. But they were also so much more. At least now. Back then when John died, they’d been each other’s saviors. She’d moved into his house five years ago. She’d had nowhere else to go. She didn’t have family. When she’d married John, his family had become her family. And after the fire, it had been Nick who’d taken her in and become her lifeline. She hadn’t meant to stay at Nick’s house this long. But she’d been five months pregnant with Henry when John had died, and finding a new place to live had been impossible at that time. Then she’d given birth and Henry had been an infant and Nick had told her he had three bedrooms and there was no hurry. His place was perfect, a one-story brick house near the hospital in St. Louis where she worked as a labor and delivery nurse. She’d settled in with Henry and had felt safe and comfortable. Then safe and comfortable had become routine for all of them. Now Henry was four and he loved his uncle Nick. He had his own room and Nick had wired model airplanes to soar on the ceiling. They’d painted the room a bright blue, and he had a fourdrawer dresser and oversized wooden box that Nick had made for all of Henry’s toys, plus a nice twin

bed next to the window that looked out over the huge backyard. Her room was nice, too. It was spacious with a queen bed and a beautiful quilt plus a lovely sitting area where she could read. It had a connecting bathroom that she shared with Henry, which was perfect in case Henry wasn’t feeling well or she needed to check on him. It also gave her privacy and a separation from Nick, which Nick thought was important. In the beginning she hadn’t been thinking much of anything other than basic survival. But after a while she’d seen its merits. Plus the room had a walk-in closet, which worked perfect for her. Not that she had a lot of clothes. She had her scrubs, her jeans, and basic tops. It wasn’t like she went out on dates or anything. Ugh. Dates. Just the thought of it, of going out with anyone who wasn’t Nick… Not that she was going to go out on a date with Nick. Because he’d never asked her. Not that she hadn’t thought about it once or twice or a hundred times in the past year or two. The change had been subtle. First, he’d been her brother-in-law and nothing more. And then, there were these chemical signals, like running into him in the hall while he wasn’t wearing a shirt, and

she found her gaze lingering. At the time, she’d thought she should probably look away. Only she hadn’t looked away. It was at that point she’d realized she needed to start living again. She’d noticed Nick as a man. A hot, living, breathing man. It was time. “Let’s go out tonight.” She blinked, feeling like she’d been caught fantasizing about Nick. Had she been staring at him? She wasn’t sure. She looked over at him. “What?” “Henry mentioned pizza before I dropped him off at Oscar’s for his playdate. What do you think?” “About?” Nick cocked his head to the side and smirked. “Pizza, Ellie.” Shake it off, Ellie. She cocked her head to the side and gave Nick the once-over. Despite the hotness factor, of which he had an ample amount, the dude was looking a little shaggy. “You need a haircut.” He dragged his fingers through the unruly thickness of his dark hair. “No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do. If it gets any longer, I’ll be able to put it up with one of my ponytail holders.” “Bullshit. It’s not that long.” “It is, too. At least a trim.” “We have to go pick up Henry.” She lifted her phone out of her pocket to check the time. “Not for another half hour, which gives me plenty of time to trim your hair.” “I hate haircuts.” “I know. But you can let me trim it, then we’ll go get pizza. Now sit.” He sighed. “Is this a torture/reward kind of thing?” She shrugged. “If you want to look at it like that, fine. But you’re getting a haircut, and then we’ll get pizza.” “Fine. But not too short.” She smiled as she went to one of the drawers in the kitchen to pull out her hair-cutting scissors. “Of course not. I wouldn’t want to ruin your rock star good looks.” He’d taken a seat at the kitchen table, so he tilted his head back until she could see the twinkle in his eyes. “So…you think I look like a rock star, huh?”

She grabbed a kitchen towel and draped it over his shoulders. “Yes. Shaggy and unkempt.” She dragged her fingers through the thick softness of his hair, and for a moment she wanted to linger. The thought of it gave her pause. She’d cut Nick’s hair countless times and not once had she ever thought about how it felt in her hands. The softness of it, or how her fingers tingled as she sifted the strands through them. Softness? Tingles? She paused. What was that all about? “Don’t cut too much. Seriously. I hate short haircuts.” Her lips curved. “You know, for a guy who never complains about anything, you sure are picky about your hair.” “My hair is magic, Ellie.” She rolled her eyes. “Right. And I have unicorn eyelashes.” He tilted his head back and looked at her face. “I knew there was something special about those long lashes of yours. Bet your hair is made from pixie dust, too, isn’t it?” He picked up a strand of her hair and sifted it through his fingers, and maybe he lingered just a little longer than was usual when he teased her.

She felt that zing of attraction. This flirting was killing her. Or was she reading something into it that wasn’t there? Yeah, she definitely had to shake it off. “And here I thought maybe it was your hair that was made of pixie dust, the way you fuss over it.” He laughed and the deep, gravelly sound of it shot right through all the feminine parts of her that had lain dormant for the past five years. “No way. My hair is made from ancient Thor and Hulk follicles.” She paused and stepped around to stare at him. “Yeah? And where do you find those?” “eBay.” She snorted out a laugh, then went back to focusing on the task at hand. “I like you better with your hair a little longer,” she said. He tilted his head back and gave her that signature smile of his, the one where one side of his mouth lifted. “Aha. See? You do think I look like a rock star.” Now it was her turn to laugh. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.” She shook her head and finished the trim, then grabbed the comb, though it wouldn’t do any good. Nick’s hair just fell naturally into place whichever way it wanted to. And typically whatever way it wanted to fall was still pretty darned hot. “Done.” He got up and shook his head. “Thanks. And you’re right. It does feel better having a little of that length cut away.” “Plus you look much better.” She swept some of the hair away from his face, her body once again tingling in response to touching him. What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On. With. You. Ellie? She had no idea, but she quickly snatched her hand away. “Yup. Looks fine.” “Good. I’m gonna go shower and wash away the motor oil smell from work today. Then we’ll head out.” She wouldn’t tell him she liked that motor oil smell on him. He’d think it was weird. Or kinky. Or something. Oh, my God what is wrong with you? Now you’re turned on by his motor oil scent? She was most definitely not turned on. His

scent was just familiar to her, which made Nick comfortable to her. Not hot or sexy or anything. Stop thinking about Nick like that. When he left, she exhaled, exhausted by her body’s responses and her utterly bizarre thoughts. She grabbed the broom to sweep up the hair on the floor. After she finished, she went into her bathroom to check herself in the mirror. Her face was flushed, and since it was early December, it wasn’t because of the heat. She washed her face, then brushed her hair. On impulse, she applied makeup and lip gloss, realizing as soon as she’d done it that it was ridiculous because she never thought about those things when she was hanging out with her son and with Nick. So why are you doing it now? She had no answer for that, but since she’d already done it, there was no undoing it. It was just pizza night with Nick and Henry and nothing more. As for her reactions to Nick, well, she had no answers for what had happened. Maybe it was time to start thinking about herself as a woman again. And maybe her body was pushing her in that direction. But not with Nick. Nick was John’s brother.

And her friend. Her lifesaver. And something—anything—with Nick could never happen.

Chapter Two Nick glanced over at Ellie as they drove to pick up Henry. Something was off with her today. At first he thought she was upset because he’d brought up the Christmas decorations. But she seemed to have gotten past that, and now she was…he didn’t know. She was twisting her fingers around like she had something on her mind. “You nervous about something?” Her head shot up. “Me? Nervous? No. Why? Am I acting nervous?” He laughed. “You definitely are now. What’s up?” “Nothing. I’m fine. “ She offered up a smile that was anything but genuine. “You know, just hungry. What kind of pizza should we have tonight?” Yeah, she was definitely nervous about something. They’d lived together for almost five years now. They were relaxed around each other. They told each other everything. So for there to be something Ellie wasn’t telling him, it had to be a big deal.

But he wasn’t going to push her. If she wanted to talk about it, she would. He’d wait. As soon as they pulled up in front of Oscar’s house, Ellie opened the car door. “I’ll go grab him,” she said. He nodded and waited, watching her saunter up to the front door and trying not to notice how her jeans hugged her ass. He’d been trying not to notice her for the past couple of years. He hadn’t been too successful at it, because lately, that noticing thing was becoming more prominent. Nick wasn’t sure when things had changed. The first couple of years after John had died, he’d been wrapped up in his shock and grief. Plus, he’d moved Ellie into his house. How could he not? She had no other family, and she was pregnant. And, okay, maybe he’d needed her at that time as much as she’d needed him. She hadn’t been the only one to lose John. He’d lost him, too. And then she’d given birth to Henry. He’d had to push past the grief and help Ellie raise an infant while adjusting to life without John. It was all they could do to keep their heads

above water. His parents, who lived in Arizona now, had been frequent visitors and helped with the baby when Nick couldn’t. He owned the garage and had people depending on him for their livelihoods. He couldn’t abandon them. It had been a lot. But eventually, he and Ellie had settled into a routine. Thank God for Henry, who’d given them both a reason to keep going. He wasn’t sure he’d have gotten through it without Ellie. He’d figured he’d be the one who was gonna be there for her, but the two of them had spent hour after hour, day after day, month after month talking about John. They’d cried together and laughed together telling stories about John. Her living there with him had helped him heal from losing his brother. Now, as he watched Henry dash to the car, he couldn’t help but smile. His coat hung open and flapped in the sharp wind, and his hair flew in all directions. God, he loved that kid, who looked so much like John it made his heart hurt. But it also made him smile, because a part of John lived on through him, and that eased the pain. Henry pulled the back door open, Ellie right behind to help buckle him into the car seat. “Hi, Uncle Nick. Guess what I did today?”

“Hey, Henry. What did you do today?” “We played soccer out back with Oscar’s dad and then we played games on his PlayStation and then we ate lunch and I ate spakettie—“ “Spaghetti,” Ellie corrected. “Yeah. Spakettie. And then we played with Oscar’s dog, Duke, and then we wrestled with Oscar’s big brother, who’s in high school.” He finished that statement off with wide eyes. “You did, huh?” Nick asked. “Did you kick his butt?” Henry giggled. “Nuh-uh. But he let us jump on him.” “I’ll bet that was fun.” “It was. Mom said we’re having pizza for dinner.” “Yup. What kind do you want?” “Pepperoni.” “Pepperoni it is. What do you think, Ellie?” Ellie slid into the front seat and buckled her seat belt, then looked over her shoulder at Henry. “It’s my favorite pizza ever.” “Is not,” Henry said. “You like all that vegetable stuff.” Henry never let anything get past him,

including his mother’s favorite pizza. “Okay, maybe,” Ellie said. “But I like pepperoni, too.” “Great. Can we play games, Uncle Nick?” Henry asked. “You know it, buddy.” “Awesome.” And then Henry settled. Nick put the car into gear and they drove to the pizza place. “I’ll get us a table if you want to order?” Ellie asked. Nick nodded, so he went to order their pizza and drinks. He knew Ellie would want water, and Ellie required Henry to have a glass of milk before he could have any soda, so he figured he’d order milk for Henry and a soda for himself. “You here to play the games or are you just into our outstanding pizza?” He looked up to find a cute blonde, probably college-aged, grinning at him. And very clearly flirting with him. “Oh, I’m here with my nephew.” She gave him the once-over. “So…no wife or kid of your own yet, huh?” Oh, yeah, definitely flirting. “Uh, no.”

“I see.” She waited, no doubt to see if he’d linger and flirt back. Instead, he placed his order, much to the cute blonde’s disappointment. But he smiled all the way to the table. Nice to know he still had it goin’ on. He found Ellie and Henry at a table near a group of kids that Henry was already chatting up. Henry wasn’t shy at all, which was a great thing. By the time he made it to the table, Henry had run off to the indoor slide with a couple of the kids who looked to be his age. Fortunately, they had a clear sight line to the area from their table, so they could keep an eye on him. He slid onto the bench next to Ellie. “Already made friends, did he?” She smiled, a real one this time, and it made his gut tighten. “You know Henry.” “Yeah, I do. I swear that kid is either going to be a politician or the best salesman in the world.” Ellie laughed. “Probably.” He loved hearing her laugh. He hadn’t heard much of it the first year after John died. Every year since, he heard it more and more, especially as it related to Henry. He wanted to hear it often, because the sound of it was perfect.

She was perfect. And she was totally off-limits because she was his brother’s widow. He shifted his gaze to the cute blonde at the counter. Maybe he should consider getting out there and start dating. Nah. The blonde was really pretty, and if he’d been interested in her, he’d have bantered back and forth with her and maybe made a date with her. Instead, he was thinking about Ellie. He’d been so focused on Ellie and Henry for the past five years he hadn’t even considered the idea of dating anyone. Ellie had been the only person in his life. Plus, she was beautiful, with her shoulder-length brown hair and soulful brown eyes that captured him with their warmth. Those eyes had been filled with sadness for so long, but when she was happy? Damn, those eyes could melt the hardest steel. Lately there had been a lot more happy days than sad ones. He had to admit, he wanted to be the guy to put a smile on her face, to make her laugh again, and to lace his fingers with hers and— “What are you so deep in thought about?” He snapped his attention on Ellie. He definitely didn’t want her to know his thoughts had been centered on her. So he turned his head and

motioned to Henry. “I was just watching Henry. He’s having fun.” “Doesn’t he always?” “Yeah.” The one thing they’d always had in common—besides John—was Henry. Henry had been a connection between them through their grief, pushing the ache of loss to the background and forcing them both to function. And now Henry had bonded them as a— Not a couple. They weren’t a couple. They were roommates. But damn if it hadn’t started feeling like a lot more lately. At least to him. Which was exactly the problem.

Chapter Three Ellie finished up the laundry, then sat at the table to pay some bills online. By the time she closed her laptop and went into Henry’s room, Nick was sitting on the bed next to him, reading him a story. Henry’s hair was still a little damp from the bath Nick had given him. Her heart squeezed at the picture the two of them made. Nick’s long legs hung off the bed and Henry’s head cuddled against Nick’s chest, the two of them so engrossed in the book’s adventures they didn’t even notice her in the doorway. She watched as Henry’s eyes slowly drifted closed. It wasn’t surprising he’d drift off so quickly considering the busy day he’d had. Her son always played hard all day long and well into the evening. Then tonight Henry had helped her bake zucchini bread. Baking with Henry was one of her favorite things to do, even though he often ended up with more flour on himself than there was in the bowl. But it always made him laugh. And hearing Henry laugh? That made her heart happy. Nick eased Henry’s head onto his pillow, smoothed his hand over Henry’s head, then kissed him before turning off the light.

Nick stopped in the doorway. “We didn’t even make it four pages. My little buddy was wiped tonight.” “More adventures for tomorrow, then.” “Yup.” She yawned. “Need me to read you to sleep?” Nick asked. She laughed. “I don’t think I’m going to need a book to make me fall asleep.” “True. You usually can’t even stay awake through an entire movie.” She playfully shoved his shoulder. “That’s so not true. I make it through at least fifty percent of the movies we watch.” He gave her an adorable smirk. “Yeah, sure you do.” Something about Nick’s smile made her want to linger, to breathe him in, to explore. But since they were in Henry’s doorway, she pushed off and went into the kitchen, while Nick headed into the living room. They had a routine most nights. After Henry went to bed, Ellie fixed them a snack and they watched television together for an hour or two. They took turns choosing what to watch. She fixed some warm tea for herself and coffee for Nick, along with slices of zucchini bread

for both of them that she’d made earlier in the evening. “I think it’s your turn to pick,” Ellie said, pulling her legs up on the sofa and setting her tea down on the table. “Already got it set. It’s an animal show about lions on the hunt.” She groaned. “You really like to torture me, don’t you?” “Hey, if I can watch eight hundred episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, you can suck it up and watch a few nature episodes.” “There haven’t been eight hundred episodes.” “There’s been years of it, Ellie. Years.” He took a bite of the bread, chewed, and swallowed. “Plus you watch the reruns, too.” She sighed. He did have a point. “Fine. Lions it is. But you have to admit you enjoy Grey’s Anatomy.” “I’ll never admit to that.” She laughed, then settled in to watch the lions with him. After a half hour, Nick got up and went into the kitchen. “Where are you going?” “I need popcorn.”

“You just ate zucchini bread.” He shrugged as he shoved a popcorn bag into the microwave and pressed the button. Ellie rolled her eyes. The man was always hungry. Then again, he worked hard, both at his job and here at home. She always worked the early shift at the hospital, so Nick got Henry up and fed and off to preschool. And when she had to work late, he was there to pick Henry up and take care of dinner. The man even did laundry. She didn’t know why he was so committed to her and to Henry. Okay, she knew why. Because of John. And she’d been okay with that in the beginning. She’d needed his help and she hadn’t objected when he’d made the offer. But it would be five years this Christmas. Ellie had a stable, great job as a nurse. She made decent money. She’d invested the insurance from John and from the house. She was fine now and could certainly find a place of her own for Henry and herself. So why hadn’t she? Nick slid onto the sofa and draped his legs over her lap, laying the bowl of popcorn on his stomach. He leveled a wicked smile in her direction. “And don’t think I’m sharing any of this with you.”

She knew why she hadn’t moved out yet. First, because Nick hadn’t asked her to. And second, because she was happy here. Nick had carved out a safe, comfortable, happy haven for her and for Henry. Happy. God, when was the last time that word had entered her mind in the past five years? Ever? Of course she’d been happy. She’d cried bittersweet happy tears when Henry had been born. Sad because John would never know him but, at the same time, happy about his birth. Nick had been there, and John and Nick’s parents, too. It had been a happy day. And every milestone Henry had achieved had been a happy one. His first smile, first giggle, his first steps… All of them taking place here, at Nick’s house. This was Henry’s house. How could she even think of leaving? Because Nick isn’t yours, and for years you’ve been holding him back from having his own life. She was shocked as the realization slapped her in the face. She’d spent so much time the past five years wrapped up in putting her life back together and dealing with Henry’s needs, she hadn’t realized how much she had taken from Nick.

She sneaked a peek at him, watching him as he focused on the television. Maybe it was time to give back. Maybe it was time to let Nick go so he could get on with his life. And she could get on with hers. Her chest constricted and she felt the walls closing in on her. Was it panic over the thought of actual dating? Maybe. But as she looked over at Nick, she realized it was more likely the thought of each of them getting on with their lives—separate from each other—that was making her heart do that painful squeezy thing. She stared at Nick, who was currently shoving handfuls of popcorn in his mouth. It would be so easy to ask him to help ease her into the dating pool. And so utterly unfair. He’d done everything for her. She wouldn’t ask him to date her. Though the idea had its merits. Nick wasn’t some random guy she didn’t know. And definitely not shabby at all in the looks department. Working at the garage kept him fit. His forearms were well muscled, like the rest of him. He was lean, his stomach flat, his shoulders broad—

“Hey, quit ogling my popcorn.” Her gaze snapped to his when she realized she had been ogling—not his popcorn bowl, but the man holding it. “I don’t want your popcorn.” “Liar.” He picked up a kernel and tossed it at her. She grabbed it and ate it. Of course, she couldn’t eat just one popcorn kernel, so she leaned over him to grab a handful from the bowl. “Nuh-uh,” he said, keeping the bowl just out of her grasp. “You said you didn’t want any.” “I changed my mind. Gimme,” she said, laughing as she knocked his legs off her lap, then levered up to reach the bowl. And her knee connected sharply with his groin. “Shit,” he said, dropping the popcorn bowl on the floor. “Oh, my God, Nick, I’m so sorry.” She reached for him, but he had curled up into the fetal position on the sofa. “It’s okay,” he mumbled. She slid off the sofa and kneeled at his side. “Let me help you. I can get some ice.” “I don’t need ice. I’m fine.”

He was not fine. She’d shoved her knee right into his balls. “Let me look at it.” His head shot up. “What? No. Just leave me alone.” He slid off the sofa and limped away. Undaunted, she followed as he eased his way down the hall toward his bedroom. “Nick, you’re being ridiculous. Let me look at it.” “I’m not letting you look at my balls. Jesus, Ellie.” “I’m a nurse, Nick.” He grumbled something about “You’re way more than that” before shoving his bedroom door in her face. Of course she was more than that. She was his sister-in-law. It would be awkward, sure, but in times of crisis, she was a medical professional. That’s what he’d meant, right? That it would be awkward because they were family? Or had he meant something else? And why was she even thinking about what he’d meant when he was in pain? That’s what she needed to deal with right now. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a

package of peas out of the freezer. She wrapped the peas in one of the kitchen towels and went down the hall to lightly knock on Nick’s door. “Hey, it’s me. I have frozen peas for your genitals. Can I come in?” “I don’t need peas, Ellie. Go away.” “Nick, please.” When he didn’t answer right away, she leaned against the wall and waited. At least a full minute passed before she heard a resigned groan. “Fine.” She turned the knob to find him sitting on his bed. He was wearing only his boxer briefs, both hands cradling his balls. She winced in sympathy though she had no balls. It had to be so painful. She walked in and, knowing how much he really didn’t want her to touch him, she handed the towel and peas to him. “I’m really sorry.” He laid them over his crotch. “It’s fine. It’s not like you meant to do it.” “Of course I didn’t. How does it feel?” He arched a brow. “Great, now that I have magic peas on my balls.” She let out a soft laugh. “I’m sure. It is kind of

funny, you know.” “Not at all funny on this side.” “Okay, it’ll be funny tomorrow. Or maybe the next day. When your balls don’t throb so much.” “Maybe. But a beer would have been better than peas. Or maybe two beers.” “One for each testicle?” “No. One for my balls and one to drink.” Her lips kicked up and she sat on the edge of his bed. “Oh. Of course. I’ll remember that next time.” “Please tell me there won’t be a next time.” “Right. No next time. Promise. I won’t get anywhere near you with my vicious knees.” Now his lips curved, and she felt immense relief. “This is really awkward,” he said. “It is, isn’t it?” “Yeah. You’re in my bedroom, I’m in my underwear…” “There are peas…” “Not beer.” She laughed. “Yes.” She inhaled and let it out. The awkwardness

expanded, at least on her part. She was in his bedroom. And Nick was in his underwear, and they were both sitting on his bed, and he looked really damn fine without clothes. Whoa, Ellie. Time to rein it in. She stood in a hurry. “If you’re okay, I guess I’ll leave you alone.” “Yeah. Thanks for the peas.” “You’re welcome. Good night, Nick.” “Night, Ellie.” She shut the door to his room, realizing her entire body was on fire. But it wasn’t from embarrassment or anger. It was desire. Hot, flaming, she’d wanted to pounce on him and kiss him desire. Holy crap. It was a good thing Nick’s balls were injured, because if he’d been fully capable, she wasn’t sure what she might have done. Oh, who was she kidding? She knew exactly what she would have done. She’d have gotten him naked or gotten herself naked and then gotten him naked. Or maybe she would have asked him to get her naked. Or any combination thereof would have suited her just fine, as long as they both ended up naked, their bodies touching each other. Her face flamed as mental visuals of what that

would be like assaulted her. She put her hands to her face hoping to cool herself down, then went into the living room, turned off the TV, swept up the spilled popcorn, and did the dishes, none of which turned off her suddenly turned-on libido. She finally made her way into her bedroom, washed her face and brushed her teeth, changed out of her clothes and got into bed, and stared up at the dark ceiling looking for answers. She didn’t find any. This was very bad. So bad. What was she going to do now?

Chapter Four After a restless night, Ellie had been happy to flee the house extra early this morning for her shift at the hospital. She’d dressed and brewed a cup of coffee, made her lunch as well as Nick’s and Henry’s, then left a note for Nick so he’d be aware she had already gone. Cowardly, for sure, but she wasn’t yet ready to face him after last night. She figured by the time she got home she might be able to handle it. Handle him. Or not handle him. She definitely should not handle Nick in any way at all. She rolled her eyes and parked in the employee parking lot at the hospital, then headed up to the maternity floor. She slid her lunch into the fridge and went downstairs to the cafeteria for breakfast. She’d likely not get a break until lunchtime, which often was an on-the-go and onher-feet kind of meal. Since she was early this morning, she intended to have a leisurely breakfast while she had the chance. She got coffee, a bowl of fresh fruit, and an egg-white omelet along with an orange juice, paid for the meal, and carried the tray to a nearby table.

The coffee tasted like a small slice of heaven on earth. It was so rare to have these moments to herself. It might only be fifteen minutes, but this was nirvana. “You’re early today. You’re never early.” She looked up to see her friend Francesca Garavaldi slide into the seat across from her. “I’m early sometimes,” Ellie said. Fran pinned her with a look. “No, sometimes you make it right before shift change. Most times you’re running like your hair is on fire and you’re late.” “Okay, fine. So this is unusual. I couldn’t sleep last night, so I thought I’d start out the week coming in early and having a good breakfast.” Fran picked up her bagel and tore off a piece, chewing while she stared thoughtfully at Ellie. She washed it down with a giant swallow of coffee, then said, “Something’s different. What happened?” “Nothing happened.” “That’s a load of BS and you know it. Tell me what’s going on. Is Henry okay?” “Henry’s fine. And okay, maybe something happened. Sort of.”

“It’s not like you to be vague, Ellie.” She was right, of course. “So I kicked Nick in the balls last night. Accidentally,” she added quickly. Fran arched a brow, then grasped her cup in both hands and leaned closer. “I can’t wait to hear this story.” “We were watching TV. Nick made popcorn, right after I had served him up some zucchini bread. He’s always hungry, you know.” Fran nodded. “Because he’s a man.” “Right. Anyway, he was teasing me about not sharing and suddenly we were battling for the popcorn bowl. I scrambled up his body to grab it from him and there went my knee, right into his testicles.” Fran grimaced. “Ouch.” “Yeah. He hurried into his bedroom and shut the door, and wouldn’t let me tend to him.” Fran gave Ellie a sideways look. “Imagine that.” “He was rather adamant about it. But come on, Fran. I’m a nurse and we’re friends.” Though last night Nick said something about them being more than that. And she still didn’t know what he meant.

“He’s a hot single guy and you’re a hot single woman,” Fran said. “It’s not like that between us.” “Maybe he wants it to be like that between the two of you. Or maybe you want it to be like that between the two of you.” Ellie shook her head. “I can’t. He’s John’s brother.” “So what? He’s gorgeous and has an amazing body. He’s smart and he’s funny. He’s been there every step of the way with you, and you know he’s great as a friend. Plus you already know he’s an awesome father figure to Henry.” “Yes. Henry loves him.” “So what’s the problem?” “He’s John’s brother.” Fran rolled her eyes. “You already said that. And that’s not even relevant. If you’re attracted to him, honey, then go for it.” Ellie took a sip of her coffee, then cupped the warm liquid between her hands. “It just feels wrong somehow. And I can’t help but feel the attraction is due to the close proximity we’ve shared the past five years.” “You mean any guy will do?”

“Ew.” “Well, that’s what you meant, wasn’t it?” “No. Not at all. I mean, of course I’m attracted to Nick. How could I not be? He’s so finelooking, and he’s responsible and great with Henry.” “So what’s the problem?” Where did she start? “I don’t know if I’m ready.” “You know things are going to close up or get moldy down there if you don’t get some action soon.” Ellie choked out a laugh. “Fran.” “Well, come on, honey. You’re going on five years without sex. Don’t you want some sex?” More than she’d ever tell her best friend. “Yes.” “Okay, then. How about having it with Nick?” She shrugged. “It just doesn’t seem fair to him to even suggest it. I’ve been the only woman in his life. He hasn’t dated, has never brought a woman over, hasn’t had a relationship because all he’s done is take care of Henry and me.” “So what do you want to do, fix him up with a nice woman so you don’t have to feel anything for

him?” She looked down at her coffee cup. “I’ve considered it.” Fran slanted a flat expression at her. “Ellie. That’s ridiculous. You have an incredibly sweet and sexy man you’re attracted to, and you want to give him to someone else? That’s insane.” “Maybe. But after all he’s done for me and for Henry, don’t you think I owe it to him to give him a chance to find some happiness?” She caught the sympathetic look on Fran’s face. God knew she’d seen it plenty of times after John died. “Oh, honey, I totally understand where you’re coming from. But what if his chance of happiness could be with you?” Ellie shook her head. “I’d never ask that of him. Not without giving him an opportunity to step outside the comfort zone we’ve built together. I owe him that.” “I think your sense of honor is a little warped, but whatever. That’s your choice. But I can’t help but feel this could be a huge mistake, and one you might regret.” “Possibly. But I just wouldn’t feel right unless I gave it a try.”

Fran took the last bite of her bagel, chewed, and swallowed. “Okay. So what are you going to do?” “I haven’t figured that out yet. I’ll think about it.” “You do that. In the meantime, finish eating. There are mothers in labor waiting for us.” Fran was right. Time to put Nick on the back burner and mommies-to-be on the front burner. She had a wonderful couple to care for—firsttime parents Krista and Brian. He was incredibly solicitous and so sweet to her, even when Krista settled into the not-so-pleasant part of her labor. Not that any part of labor was a cakewalk, but transition was tough, and Krista was determined to have a natural childbirth. Ellie admired the hell out of women who opted to deliver without any drugs. Ellie had made it as far as six centimeters dilated when she’d asked for her epidural. Those damn contractions hurt like hell, and all she’d wanted was pain relief and the sweet comfort of having her husband and the father of her child by her side. She’d gotten the pain relief, eventually, but John would never be there. Nick had been, though.

He’d held her hand and stayed with her through all the gross parts of her delivery, and when it had been time to cut the cord, Nick’s eyes filled with tears as he did it. She’d known he was thinking about John as much as she had been, and she’d wanted him in there with her. Nick had been the closest she’d get to having John with her for Henry’s birth. After, she’d been excited and crying and exhausted and Nick had kissed her on the top of her head and told her she was a champion and women were awesome creatures. She’d felt like a champion that day. She’d always loved being a labor and delivery nurse, but it sure gave her a different perspective having a baby of her own. Because giving birth was the hardest thing in the world. When Krista and Brian had their sweet baby girl in their arms, it made Ellie’s day. She was perfect and pink and squalling and Krista and Brian were both crying happy tears. This was the best part of Ellie’s job—a happy ending with no complications. She’d worked a couple of hours post shift to make sure she stayed with Krista through her delivery. She often did this, because once a laboring mother was in the hard part of labor, it was traumatic to change nurses. She’d texted Nick and

let him know she’d be late getting home, and he’d told her he’d pick up Henry from daycare and feed him dinner. What would she do without him? The thought sent a wave of panic through her. If she did move out and live on her own, she’d have to adjust her lifestyle, make arrangements for someone else to be there for Henry. She thought about that as she went to her locker to get her purse. She’d manage it, because that’s what single mothers did all the time. She paused as she realized she’d never thought of herself as a single mother before, likely because Nick had been there with here since the beginning. The thought of severing that tie to him was scary—and a little sad. But she still intended to do it. She had to stop depending on Nick, because Nick wasn’t hers. And it was time to let him go.

Chapter Five Nick had two brake jobs still to do, and he was working on a transmission when Rob hollered at him. “Your phone’s been vibrating all across the desk for an hour.” Shit. He didn’t like to keep his phone on him when he was working on a car. Bad enough his jeans and the rest of him would end up covered in grease and dirt. “Okay, thanks, Rob.” He finished connecting the brake line and slid out from under the Ford, grabbed a shop rag to wipe his hands, and went into the office. Rob was in there on the laptop. “What’s the status on the carburetor for that Mustang?” he asked as he picked up his phone. “Finished it and doing the invoice now. I already called the customer to let them know it was ready. Next up is the oil pump job.” Nick nodded and checked his phone. Two missed calls from Ellie. Damn. He frowned, hoping nothing was wrong with Henry. He checked his voice mail. “Hi, Nick. Nothing urgent. Someone at the

hospital just gave me two tickets to a holiday party tonight at the community center. It’s a fundraiser, and guests need to bring an unwrapped toy. Anyway, I was hoping you’d go with me. I already got a sitter for Henry. It’s at six, so just text me and let me know, okay?” He went to the next message. “It’s me again. I’ll get the toy on my way home from work. Oh, and there’s food at the party, so no cooking. How great is that?” That was the end of the message. He stared at his phone, wondering what alien had possessed Ellie. Sure, the holiday party sounded fine, and who didn’t like food, but her voice had sounded way off and unnatural. Her behavior had been odd lately. Then again, it was the holidays, and she always acted odd around the holidays. But not this kind of odd. Typically she’d withdraw and she wasn’t doing that. This was different in a way he couldn’t put his finger on. Whatever. He sent her a text. Party sounds fine. He shook his head and tossed his phone back on the desk. “Everything okay at home?” Rob asked.

Rob and Nick had gone to high school together and knew everything about each other’s lives. Rob had stood by him—and by Ellie—when John had died. “Yeah. Ellie wants to go to some fundraiser dinner toy thing tonight.” “Oh, the one at the community center,” Rob said. “Melissa wanted to drag me to that.” “So you’re going?” Rob looked over at the shop. “Nah. I have work that’ll keep me going until at least six thirty tonight. Plus I might have told Melissa that you need me to close the shop tonight, that way I don’t have to go.” “Convenient.” “Yeah, I thought so. Anyway, Melissa will be there. She heard there’ll be wine. She’ll drop RJ at her parents’ and have her dad watch him so her mom can drive and she can drink.” Nick laughed. “Got it all planned out, does she?” “You know it. So how’s the brake work going?” “It’s a pain in my ass. The brakes were toast. I don’t know how the customer was stopping their car. They should have put new brakes on a year

ago.” Rob laughed. “Maybe they were swinging their foot out the door and using their boot.” Nick snorted and went back to work. He finished up by five. After he washed up, Nick checked his phone again. Ellie had left him a message earlier saying she had left work on time and she was picking Henry up. He drove home and pulled his truck in behind Ellie’s car. He got out and went inside. It was quiet. Typically, Henry would run and greet him at the door. “Ellie?” She didn’t answer, either. He figured she must be in her room getting ready, so he went into his, stripped out of his clothes and tossed them in the hamper, then got into the shower to scrub off the grease and grime from today’s work. After he showered, he put on clean jeans, then paused. He opened the door to his room and walked across the house and down the hall to Ellie’s. He knocked on her door. She opened it a crack, her eyes widening. “What’s up?” “Should I be dressed up? And where’s Henry?”

She took in his bare chest, and he noticed her gaze lingered there before drifting back to his face. “Henry’s over at Oscar’s for dinner. As far as clothes, a shirt would be appropriate.” “Funny. Like a button-down?” She chewed her bottom lip. “Tonight is casual. You can wear what you want.” “Okay.” He started to walk away. “Nick?” He paused. “Yeah?” “Wear that navy blue button-down.” Curious, he asked, “Why?” She shrugged. “Because it looks good on you.” Huh. “Sure.” He wandered off, wondering if that lingering gaze she’d given him had been his imagination, or had she really stared at his bare chest? Like, an extra-long stare that maybe indicated she was ogling his chest. Or maybe his interest in her was making him see things that weren’t there. He grabbed the navy button-down and finished getting dressed, then went into the kitchen and filled a glass with ice water, guzzling it down in a few swallows. He looked down the hall,

wondering what Ellie was going to wear tonight. She’d barely opened the door a crack when he’d knocked on it, making him wonder what had been going on inside her bedroom. Had she been half-dressed like he’d been half-dressed? His mind filled with visuals of Ellie in her underwear. Or even less. Take it down a notch, Nick. “I’m ready.” He looked up. His gut clenched at the sight of her in tight dark jeans, high heels, and a black longsleeved shirt that hugged her body. She wore that same delicate silver chain she always wore, the one that disappeared under the shirt, making him wonder how far down the chain went. He’d like to go exploring that chain, along with other parts of her body. “You look really nice,” he said, trying to keep his comment friendly. In the friend zone. Where it belonged. “Thanks. Although I’m just wearing jeans.” Didn’t matter. Nick thought she always looked great. But he knew what she meant and didn’t want to make things weird, so he gave her a teasing look. “Your dressy jeans. With heels. Fancy.” She laughed. “I am not. Okay, maybe a little. I

live in scrubs and tennis shoes. And when we go out to eat, it’s usually with Henry. So maybe I wanted to dress it up just a touch tonight.” “It works for you.” He wanted to tell her she looked sexy, but after his totally inappropriate comment the other night, he kept that thought to himself. They put their coats on and got into his truck. “So what’s this thing we’re going to tonight?” he asked as he backed down the driveway. “It’s a toy collection and fundraiser for the children’s center. Our tickets were paid for by the hospital. Otherwise, it’s twenty dollars a plate and all the proceeds go to the center. And everyone donates a toy.” “Sounds great. Hope the food is good.” “It will be. It’s being catered by Zia’s.” “Then I can’t wait.” They parked in the lot at the community center and walked through the doors to the gym. This was Nick’s neighborhood. He’d grown up here and John and he used to play basketball in the yard after school and on the weekends. Every kid, regardless of circumstance, had always been welcome. He understood how important it was for kids to have a place to go to, especially kids who

didn’t have anywhere else. Even if Ellie hadn’t gotten the tickets for free, he’d have gladly ponied up forty bucks for them to attend. The place was filled with people and they had holiday decorations on all the tables and a Christmas tree in the corner. Lights were strung up along the ceiling and holiday music played softly in the background. More importantly, it smelled good in there. It looked like there was a bar set up at the front of the hall. They dropped off the toys they’d brought at the table near the entrance. “What would you like to drink?” he asked. She gave him a thoughtful look. “Um, how about a rum and cola?” “You got it.” He went to the bar and ordered Ellie’s drink, plus a whiskey and soda for himself. When he turned around, he had to look for a bit before he found Ellie. She was standing over by a group of people, Rob’s wife, Melissa, included in that group, so he wandered that way. “Here you go,” he said, handing her the drink. “Thank you.” “Hey, Melissa,” Nick said, giving her a kiss on

the cheek. “Rob said he was working late deliberately to avoid coming tonight.” Melissa laughed. “I’m going to tell him you said that.” “Go ahead.” He took a sip of his whiskey. Ellie grasped his arm. “Nick, this is Amanda and Paul Satterfield. They’re the organizers of the event.” Nick shook their hands. “Nice to meet both of you. This is a great thing you’re doing.” “We’re happy to do it,” Paul said. “And it’s such an amazing turnout tonight,” Amanda said. “We couldn’t be happier.” “My brother and I grew up on the basketball courts here,” Nick said. “I don’t know what we would have done without the community center.” Paul nodded. “Me, too. You look about the same age as me. We probably played each other a time or two.” Nick grinned. “It’s likely. If we did, I probably kicked your butt.” Paul laughed. “I don’t think so. I was pretty good.” Nick and Paul spent some time talking about their childhoods and their basketball prowess, until

Ellie came and dragged him away. He told Paul he’d catch up with him later. “I thought we’d take a look at the silent auction. There’s a smoker I thought we might bid on.” “Great idea.” They looked at the smoker, and it was a decent brand, so they put in a bid. Then Ellie disappeared, so Nick checked out the other items up for bid. He saw a delicate silver bracelet that he thought Ellie might like. He looked around for Ellie, didn’t see her, so he quickly wrote his name down on the bid sheet, making a mental note to check back later. He finished his whiskey, so he laid it on a tray near the wall, then went back to the bar and got a beer. “Didn’t expect to see you here.” He turned to see Mike Laird, one of his friends from the neighborhood. He grinned. “You, either.” Mike shrugged. “Cathie made me come. Okay, and there’s food from Zia’s.” Nick laughed. “I’ve never known you to turn down food of any kind.” “Hey, it took years to cultivate this.” Mike rubbed his oversized belly.

Just then, Cathie came over. “Hey, Nick.” “Hi, Cathie. I see you managed to wrangle Mike into coming tonight because of the food.” Ellie showed up at his side. “Hey, you were enticed by the food, too. Hi, you two.” “Hi, Ellie. Did you see the pottery that Grace Liston created that’s up at the silent auction?” “I didn’t. Show me.” Ellie looked over at him and smiled. “I’ll be right back.” Nick nodded and watched her walk away with Cathie. He liked seeing her with her friends. He liked whenever they went out with another couple, something they both enjoyed doing. Maybe tonight he could start talking to her about the two of them becoming a couple. The way she’d looked at him earlier made him think she might be receptive to the idea. “So where’s Henry tonight?” Mike asked. Nick focused his attention away from Ellie and onto Mike. “He’s at a friend’s house. What about your kids?” “With my parents. Oh, hey, that reminds me, I wanted to talk to you about my Dodge.” Nick figured being an auto mechanic was a lot like being a doctor. You were often asked for free

diagnostic advice when in social situations. Nick listened to Mike describe the knocking sound coming from the engine of his truck. It sounded like a water pump issue, but without looking at it, there was no way he could know for sure. “Bring it in and I’ll look at it.” “Okay, thanks. I’ll run it by sometime within the next few days.” Ellie and Cathie came back, and Cathie wanted to show Mike something on the auction row, so they left. “I’m getting hungry,” Nick said. “When’s the food being served?” Ellie looked at her watch. “It’s almost seven thirty, so it should be pretty soon. Should we go to our table?” “Sounds good. Do you need another drink?” She shook her head. “I’m fine with just one. Tomorrow’s a workday.” He nudged against her. “Lightweight.” “Hey. Five a.m. comes early, you know.” The hospital had a reserved table. Ellie knew several of the people there and she spent some time chatting and introducing Nick to a couple of administrative types.

“Nick, this is Rachel Morgan. She’s in public relations for the hospital.” They shook hands. “Hi, Rachel.” “I actually have some business things to discuss with our director of nursing,” Ellie said. “Rachel is new to the hospital staff. Nick, why don’t you sit next to her?” He’d done work events with Ellie before, so he was used to talking up people she worked with. And, knowing Ellie, she’d want to make sure any new employee felt comfortable. “Sure. Have a seat, Rachel.” Rachel was pretty, petite, with short blond hair and green eyes. “So, new job, huh?” Nick asked. Rachel nodded. “New job, new living arrangements, new city, as a matter of fact.” “Oh, yeah? Where’d you move from?” “Los Angeles.” He raised a brow. “Then this is a big change for you, weather-wise and otherwise.” “It is. But I wanted to get out of L.A. and into a smaller city. When the offer came from the hospital here, I knew it would be perfect for me.” “So why the change?”

She leaned back in the chair, obviously more comfortable now. “The congestion. The traffic. The cost of living. I was starting to feel like I was spending all of my time in the car commuting to and from work. And when I wasn’t doing that, I was sitting at my kitchen table paying bills that were taking up my entire paycheck with no money left over to have a life.” He couldn’t imagine working just to pay bills. “That’s no way to live.” “No, it’s not. I knew I needed to get out of there.” “Well, if it eases some of your anxiety, I think you’re going to love it here. Friendly people, there’s a lot to do, and your commute won’t be anything like it was.” She smiled, and he had to admit when Rachel smiled, it lit up her face. “I agree about the commute. I’ve already rented a place that’s only ten minutes from the hospital. It’s still hard to believe I won’t spend three hours in the car every day.” Whoa. “Three hours. Really?” “That was on a good day.” “Wow.” “So enough about me. What do you do,

Nick?” “I own an auto repair shop.” “Oh, my dad was a mechanic. He made me learn how to change my own oil and change a tire before I could get a driver’s license.” Nick laughed. “That sounds about right.” “I was so irritated at the time, figuring I’d never have to do that. Until the first time the old junker I’d bought when I was fresh out of college got a flat tire. I realized I could change it myself. It was an enlightening experience not to need someone to rescue me.” “Good for you.” He glanced across the table and noticed Ellie watching them. When Rachel excused herself to go to the restroom, Ellie shifted into Rachel’s seat. “So…how’s it going?” “How’s what going?” “You know…your conversation with Rachel.” “Oh. It’s going fine.” Ellie laid her chin in her hand. “She’s so pretty. Plus she’s incredibly smart. And her being new in town means she doesn’t know a lot of people. Maybe you could, I don’t know, take her

out and show her around or something?” Nick frowned. He felt as if he’d entered some weird alternate universe, the kind he liked watching on late-night movies on TV. Only this felt a little too real. “What are you doing, Ellie?” Ellie straightened. “I’m not doing anything.” “Yeah, you are. You’re trying to fix me up with Rachel, aren’t you?” She grabbed his arm. “Nick, she’s awesome. You should totally go for it.” What. The. Hell? The thought of Ellie pushing him toward Rachel both shocked and irritated him. Maybe all that flirting and her ogling his chest and his thoughts about the two of them being a couple had all been in his head. Because here was Ellie, throwing him at another woman. They couldn’t be further apart in terms of their feelings for each other. Shit. But before he could say anything, Ellie caught sight of Rachel coming out of the restroom and quickly slid back into her chair, leaving him alone to smile at Rachel.

“I’d love to get to know the city better,” Rachel said. “And you know, find someone to show me around.” Shit. That had been an indirect but direct way of asking him to ask her out. And Rachel was a nice, extremely attractive woman he had absolutely no interest in dating. He really hated to do this since Rachel seemed like a great woman who deserved an amazing guy. Nick just wasn’t the right guy for her. He’d noticed Ellie had set herself up to sit clear across the table from him. She’d told Nick she had some business stuff to discuss with her department head. He figured that was bullshit, but at least she’d be out of earshot, which would work to his benefit. Over dinner, he and Rachel discussed sports. “Do you like football?” she asked. “Oh, hell yeah,” he said, leaning back in his chair like the absolute slacker he wasn’t. “I have a man cave set up in the basement of my house. I spend almost all of my free time down there.” She blinked. “A man cave?” “Sure. A guy’s gotta have his space, ya know? A place where women aren’t allowed. Where I can drink my beer and hang out with my boys, play my

video games, watch sports, all without being bothered. I mean, I got my fantasy leagues to catch up on, too. I stay pretty busy.” “Uh-huh.” He saw that bright light of interest in Rachel’s pretty green eyes extinguish as he went on and on about his oh-so-awesome and totally nonexistent man cave. To put the cherry on top, he also told her he kept his laptop down there and no one else was allowed to touch it. She probably thought he surfed porn sites in the middle of the night, too. He really hated doing this, but since she’d been so close to asking him out herself, he wanted to be the bad guy and give her an out. And, judging from the grimace she’d sported all through the meal, he’d succeeded. After dinner, Rachel excused herself, saying she had some people she had to talk to. He’d never seen anyone make an escape so fast. Not that he could blame her. He’d sounded like a narcissistic, juvenile dickhead. He could barely stand himself. Hopefully someday Rachel would find an amazing guy. Nick made his way to the bar for a beer. Ellie found him there.

“Where’s Rachel?” “No idea.” “So you two didn’t hit it off?” “I guess not.” He saw the disappointment on her face. It frustrated the hell out of him that she’d be unhappy he didn’t hit it off with another woman. “Oh. That’s too bad.” “Yeah.” He wasn’t about to ask her why she’d tried to fix him up with Rachel. At least not tonight. He needed to check his own feelings about this situation. And about Ellie and whether he was pushing too hard for something that might be in his own damn imagination. “Should we check the status of the smoker?” she asked. “Sure.” They walked over to the auction tables. “Dammit,” Ellie said. “There are three bids ahead of ours. And now the price is too high for us to rebid.” “Is not.” He took out the pen and wrote down another bid. Ellie grasped his bicep. “Nick. Don’t. We don’t need a smoker that badly.”

He looked down at her and smiled. “It’s for a good cause. We’ll see how it goes.” “Okay.” “Ellie, can I steal you for a minute?” A woman he didn’t know grabbed her and tugged her away, which gave Nick time to go look at the bracelet. Well, hell. His bid had been buried under about fifteen others. But the price was still reasonable. He hesitated, wondering if he should even bother, considering what had happened tonight. If Ellie was so hell-bent on pushing him on some other woman, maybe he should consider getting her something a little less personal for Christmas. He looked over at her, and it was like she could feel his gaze on her. She turned and smiled at him. Ah, screw it. He knew how he felt. He wrote his name down again for the bracelet. He’d sort out his feelings later. Ellie was so disappointed that Nick and Rachel hadn’t connected. She was certain they had so much in common. Plus, Rachel was beautiful and smart and sweet. She didn’t understand it.

When she’d questioned Rachel, she’d only said Nick was a nice guy but she didn’t feel a connection. How could someone not connect to Nick? He was funny and intelligent and incredibly hot. Though she had to admit when Rachel had told her there hadn’t been a spark, she’d felt a wash of relief. And then had immediately felt guilty about it. The whole purpose of trying to fix Nick up with Rachel was to give him that push to move on with his life. Rachel just hadn’t been the right fit for Nick. She’d have to do better next time. The auction ended, and winners were given envelopes to pay. Unfortunately, they didn’t win the smoker. She went in search of Nick but couldn’t find him. She stopped to talk to a few people, and Nick caught up with her while she was in the midst of a conversation with a couple of women from Henry’s preschool. “Ready to go?” he asked. “Yes. I went looking for you but I couldn’t find you.” “I was talking to some guys I knew.” She could have sworn she had walked around the entire gym searching for him, but she supposed

it was possible she’d missed him. “Oh, okay.” “Let’s get our coats if you’re ready.” “I am.” They got in the car and drove off. On the way, she got a text message from Oscar’s mom. “It seems as if Henry and Oscar fell asleep playing in Oscar’s room. Shelley said Henry can spend the night and we can pick him up in the morning.” Nick pulled up to a stop sign, then craned his neck to look at her. “Hey, that means we have a free night. It’s still early. Want to hit a bar?” She tilted her head to the side. “Um, I don’t know.” “You have to think about it? Come on, Ellie. We hardly ever get a free night out.” She had wanted him to be out with Rachel, not her. But he was right. They rarely had a free night, which again made her feel guilty for monopolizing his entire life with her entire life. If nothing else, Nick deserved to have some fun tonight, even if it was with her. She nodded. “Sure.” He cast a heart-stopping smile at her. “Great. I know just the place.”

Even his smile was devastating, and how could Rachel not see that? It made everything female in Ellie sit up and take notice. Her palms felt clammy and her heart did a little flip-flop whenever he gave her that smile. He drove them to The Cue in Webster Groves, which was a favorite local hangout to play pool. They hadn’t been in a while, so she was excited at the idea of taking some time to just kick back and relax, to be adults and have some fun. When they were walking inside, he looked over at her. “I’m going to kick your butt.” She slanted a grin at him. “You’d like to think that.” They had to wait for a table. But there were TV screens and a great bar, so they grabbed a table near the bar and a couple of drinks. “When was the last time we played?” she asked as she took a sip of her beer. “I don’t know. Couple of months ago, maybe?” “You might be right. Why are we always so busy?” “’Cause we have jobs and a kid?” She almost winced at the “we” part of that sentence. Nick was so responsible, but Henry was

her responsibility, not Nick’s. He should be free to go out and play pool, to date, to find a woman to fall in love with. And someday, get married and have a child of his own. Just thinking about it made her stomach ache. Which made her angry because she had no claim on Nick. He wasn’t hers. So why was she wishing he was? Why did she want him to put his arm around her, to hug her close, to plant a hot kiss on her lips and let everyone in the bar know she belonged to him? Whoa. Calm that mental noise and wishful thinking, Ellie, because that definitely isn’t going to happen. They were friends and she had to keep reminding herself of that. Their table opened up, so Nick racked the balls and they got started. Ellie broke, and two balls slid into the pocket. She shot Nick a smug look. Nick held up his cue and smirked. “Don’t get too excited, El. We’re just getting started.” Three games in, Nick had won two games and she was about to win the third. Two more balls to sink and the win was hers. She was also achingly aware of Nick as they circled each other around the pool table, teasing and taunting.

Like now, as he came close and whispered in her ear, “You’re going to miss.” He might be challenging her to lose, but he was also challenging everything female within her to resist turning around and climbing him like a monkey. He smelled so damn good and her libido, which had been firmly shut down for years, had suddenly awakened with a vengeance and demanded satisfaction. Well, her sex drive was going to be sorely disappointed because Nick was off-limits. She intended to find Nick an awesome woman so he could start a life of his own and stop feeling responsible for Henry and her. She sank the last ball and shot him a triumphant grin. “My win.” He gave her a half curved smile that did nothing to silence her hormonal thoughts. Touch him. Grab what’s in front of you and have at it, sister. He’s so hot. Are you going to kiss him or not? Gah! She went to the bar for an ice-cold sparkling water to hopefully cool down the internal heat, because the couple of beers she’d downed so far hadn’t helped at all.

When she’d evened things up by winning the fourth game, they decided to head home. She was deep into her thoughts on the way home, most of them centered around Nick. How hot he’d looked holding the pool cue. How great his butt had looked when he’d bent over the pool table. The way the muscles in his forearms flexed when he took a shot. The way the overhead light made his hair look even darker midnight than usual. Oh, damn, she really had it bad. “Tired?” Nick asked as he pulled onto their street. “Maybe a little.” Not tired at all. Pent up and turned on was more like it. “I guess it’s time to go to bed, then.” Yes. Bed. Together. Naked, sweaty, writhing limbs and… Oh, dear God she had to stop this line of thinking. It was not going to happen. Nick barely had the car in park before she hopped out and ran inside. She tossed her purse on the counter and went to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water. She took several long swallows, set the glass down, and followed up with a few deep breaths. She jumped when Nick came up behind her

and placed his hands on her shoulders. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his lips nearly touching her cheek. She tried not to tense, but all she’d thought about for the past couple of hours was Nick’s touch. “Nothing. I’m just tired.” He drew gentle, massaging circles over her shoulders. She knew he meant it to relax her, but all it did was turn her on. “Something’s going on.” Something was going on, all right. She was damp, aroused, and seconds away from turning around and ripping his shirt off—with her teeth. Which would be the worst idea ever. It was bad enough he felt responsible for her and for Henry. If they added sex into the mix, he’d never feel free enough to move on with his life. She eased out of his grasp. “Really, I’m just tired. And I’ve got a headache.” Yeah, she had an ache all right, but nowhere near the vicinity of her head. He frowned. “Want me to rub your temples for you?” There were so many parts of her she wanted him to rub she almost whimpered thinking about it. “No, I think I’ll take a couple acetaminophen and

head to bed. Night, Nick.” She grabbed her water and fled the room, quickly heading to her bedroom. She shut the door and blew out a sigh of relief. Only there was no relief in sight for her. After she washed her face, brushed her teeth, and climbed into bed, all she felt was pent up and anxious, her body so tuned into Nick she could still smell him. The sooner she found him someone the sooner this ache for him would go away. She hoped.

Chapter Six Henry wriggled so much that Nick was sure the car was vibrating. “Are we there yet?” Nick smiled. “Not yet, buddy. Pretty soon.” Was there anything better as a kid than seeing Santa? Nick could still remember being little and waiting in that long line that seemed as if it would take forever to get to the front, and being so excited he could hardly stand it. Nick loved doing this with Henry. And at four and a half, he was old enough to really get into Christmas now. But while Henry was a bouncing ball of enthusiasm, Ellie sat silently in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone. He was hoping this trek to the mall would get her into the holiday spirit. She’d been acting weird lately. Quiet and avoiding him and he didn’t know why. He’d tried to figure out if he’d done something to make her mad. He’d asked her several times but she’d only smiled at him and told him she was fine, no he hadn’t done anything to irritate her, and that she had a lot on her

mind. He knew the holiday season was tough on her, but hiding from it wasn’t going to help. Besides, there was Henry, and the more she got into Christmas, the happier her son would be. So he’d do whatever it took to make sure they were both happy. They parked and went into the mall. Ellie said she had some shopping to do, and he knew what that meant. She wanted Nick to take Henry to see Santa. It’s what he’d done every year since Henry was a baby. First, just for photos, and then when Henry got old enough, so he could sit on Santa’s lap and give Santa his list. Typically, Nick wouldn’t mind, but not this year. This was the year he wanted Ellie to get into the holiday, to be more present. Not just for Henry but for herself. Ellie needed to find her joy in the holidays again. He took her by the hand. “Let’s all go see Santa,” he said. “Yeah,” Henry said, looking at Ellie. “You’re coming, aren’t you, Momma” Ellie looked at Nick, then down at Henry. Nick

had caught the surprise, the hesitation. He knew she’d normally bow out and do something else. But then she graced Henry with that beautiful smile of hers. “Of course I am.” Nick couldn’t hold back the sigh of relief. Joy. Come on, Ellie. You can do this. They made their way to the center court, where Santa’s village was located. The line wasn’t too bad, fortunately. Plus, they sold tickets so you could have a designated time. Their time was in thirty minutes, so they decided to wander. “How about you take Henry and go do something while I shop for a bit?” Ellie asked. “Why?” Nick asked. “Because I need to browse some things.” She motioned with her head toward Henry. “Oh. Sure. Come on, buddy. Let’s go look at window displays.” Nick took his hand and they wandered the mall. Henry liked to stop and look at everything, and fortunately there were a couple of toy stores. They stopped in one and Henry amused himself with all the toys. Okay, so maybe Nick amused himself with all the toys, too. “I want trains,” Henry said.

He didn’t have a train yet. Nick could see both of them having serious fun with this. He’d have to talk to Ellie about getting him a starter set for Christmas. “I guess you’ll have to tell Santa you want a train for Christmas, then.” “Okay!” Nick tried to encourage Henry to explore some of the other things in the store, but he didn’t want to leave the train area and happily played there, eating up all the time they had. “We gotta go, Henry. Time to see Santa.” Henry slipped his small hand in Nick’s as they walked out of the store. “I’m gonna tell Santa I want a train. Will he bring me one?” “I dunno, buddy. Have you been a good boy this year?” Henry looked up at him with eyes that looked just like John’s. “’Course I have. I’m always a good boy.” These were the times when Nick’s chest ached, thinking how John would have been such a great dad. But he wasn’t here, and Nick would always be around for Henry. Always. And he’d make sure that Henry knew

what an amazing man his father had been. Ellie wandered the aisles, stopping when she saw the black sweater. Nick looked amazing in black, but she’d gotten him a sweater for Christmas last year. Still, as she fingered the material, she lingered at the soft fabric, imagining running her hands over Nick’s chest. Seriously, Ellie. Not gonna happen. She really had to find Nick a woman—a woman who was not her. Deciding the sweater was so not a good idea considering her wayward thoughts, she moved on, eventually leaving the store. She took a break and grabbed a seat, deciding to mull over thoughts of a gift for Nick while people watching. She caught sight of a couple around the same age as her. The guy reminded her a lot of John. Cute, with dark hair and glasses, he leaned over and laughed at something his girlfriend or wife said. In between them was a little girl a couple of years older than Henry. Her heart ached at the picture they made. So happy. She and John and Henry would have been

happy, too. If only… She snapped herself out of that thought process, the one she’d lived in for far too long. No. Not anymore. She wouldn’t be happy living in the past, refusing to move forward. That wasn’t her anymore. That wasn’t her life anymore. Her life with John was in the past. She had to start dreaming of a future. A future of happiness and laughter and life and love and one with Henry in it. Henry was her future. But she took another glance at the couple and their little girl, and she couldn’t help the wistful smile on her face. Nick and Henry met up with Ellie at Santa’s village. She had a couple of bags in her hands. “Want me to hold those?” he asked. She shook her head. “No, thanks. I’ve got it.” He cocked his head to the side. “Oh, so you bought me something.” “I didn’t say that.” “You didn’t have to.” He slanted a grin at her. Ellie rolled her eyes. “You’re like a child, Nick. Except that you can wait for Christmas.”

He leaned into her and whispered in her ear, “I know where you hide the gifts.” She turned to face him, her eyes narrowed. “You wouldn’t dare.” He realized their lips were only inches apart. It would be so easy to kiss her, but they were in the middle of the mall and Henry was there. Plus there was that whole situation with her fixing him up the other night, and that caused him some hesitation about making a move. “You’re right, I wouldn’t ruin Christmas by peeking. Just make sure you don’t go hunting down your gift.” She looked surprised. “You got me a gift?” “Don’t I always?” “But I haven’t told you what I wanted yet.” “I know you haven’t.” “What if I want dish towels?” He gave her a horrified look. “Who asks for dish towels for Christmas?” She lifted her chin. “We need new ones. The old ones are raggedy.” “Then we’ll go buy some. But I can guarantee you, Ellie, you’re not getting dish towels for Christmas.”

“Fine.” She had stayed close to him, which he liked. She smelled good, something like cotton candy. They only had to wait a few minutes before it was their turn. Henry climbed up on Santa’s lap. Whatever it was he was telling Santa, he was very animated about it. The two of them had quite the conversation, and Santa laughed. “What do you think he’s asking Santa for?” Ellie asked. “Probably a train set. He was all over the one in the toy store.” Ellie turned to Nick. “Trains? Really?” “Yeah.” “That could be fun.” “I thought so, too.” “We’ll definitely have to get him a set.” He nodded. “I know exactly which one he wants.” Ellie gave him a look. “You sure it’s not the set you want?” Nick laughed. “Okay, maybe we both like trains.” “Obviously.”

“Fine. Trains it is.” His lips curved as they waited for Henry. Today had been a good day. They could all be good together. He saw that. So why didn’t Ellie?

Chapter Seven Ellie had found the perfect opportunity to introduce Nick to another amazing woman. Her department’s holiday party was tonight. Karen was an obstetrical resident. She was beautiful and smart and single and had a fun, bubbly personality. She’d be ideal for Nick. Nick wouldn’t suspect anything because he always went to her holiday party with her. The year after John died, she didn’t want to go at all. John had always gone with her, and going without him had seemed unthinkable. It had been Nick who had told her she had to get out, had to enjoy time with her work friends. He’d been right, of course. She’d taken those few hours and enjoyed herself for the first time in almost a year. Her colleagues and friends had treated her as if she was a normal person, when she’d spent the past year feeling anything but normal. Every year since, she’d always brought Nick, and everyone loved him. Which was no surprise. Nick was personable, always found something in common with every person he talked to, from doctors to unit clerks, and gave everyone his full attention.

The department holiday dinners were always a big deal, which meant Ellie would need to wear a dress. And since she didn’t dress up all that often, she had to go shopping. She couldn’t wear the same outfit she’d worn last year. Fran said there was a sale at their favorite store, so after their shift, they went shopping. “Why is it that you look good in every damn dress you’ve tried on?” Fran asked as they both stepped out of the dressing room. “I do not. That navy one was hideous.” Ellie checked herself out in the mirror and wrinkled her nose as she stared at herself in the mirror. She didn’t know how she felt about this red dress. She felt…exposed, maybe. The dress was a little more scandalous than she was used to wearing. It was tight in spots and revealing in other spots. She turned to check out Fran. “And that dress you’re wearing looks amazing on you.” Fran put her hand on her hip. “First, the navy one wasn’t hideous. It was super short and showed a lot of thigh. And you should definitely get that red dress. It’s smoking-hot on you. It shows off your shoulders and your legs. Do you really think this one is okay?” Ellie nodded. The dress Fran wore was a wrap dress in black, showed off her amazing cleavage,

and looked stunning on her. “It’s gorgeous. It accentuates the curve in your waist and the length is perfect. Just enough to show off the goods, not too much that people will be raising eyebrows.” Fran looked in the mirror and Ellie knew she was being super-critical. Fran was curvy and always complained about her hips and thighs, when, in fact, she had a banging body. Fran finally turned and nodded. “Okay, fine, I’ll get this one. Now what do you think about that red one you’ve got on?” Ellie flipped around to look at herself in the full-length mirror again. The dress had thin straps and a low back but otherwise covered her up in front. It hit her at the knees, which she supposed was acceptable. And she did love the deep red color. “I don’t know, Fran. It’s a little sexy for the department party, don’t you think?” Fran came up beside her. “Nah. Throw a sweater over it and it’ll be perfect. And then you can wear it again on a date.” Ellie snorted. “A date. Right. I have so many of those.” Fran grasped Ellie’s shoulders. “It’s about damn time you have at least one of those, don’t you think?” “I’m busy.”

Fran smoothed her hands up and down Ellie’s arms. “It’s been almost five years, El. You loved him. Everyone knows that. But it’s time for you to close that chapter and move on.” She sighed. “I know. But—” “No ‘but.’” Fran raised a hand to stop her. “Get the red dress and knock some hot guy on his ass with it.” That was the problem, though, since the only hot guy she wanted to knock on his ass was Nick. And she already had plans to fix him up with someone else. So maybe after she found Nick the love of his life, she’d start dating again and see what happened.

Chapter Eight Nick hated going to these events, but hey, it was only once a year. It was also rare that he wore a tie. For Ellie, he’d do anything. They got a sitter for Henry. Henry loved Cecilia, who was fourteen and loved hanging out with little kids. She lived in the neighborhood and had been sitting for them for three years now. It wouldn’t be long until cars and boys would take priority and they’d have to find another sitter. Until then, Cecelia was pure gold. By the time he came back from picking up Cecilia, Ellie had come out of her room and already had her coat on, so all he saw were some very attractive legs and black heels. That was enough to whet his appetite for what was underneath her coat. He waited while she gave instructions to Cecilia, then they left for the party. At least since he went to these shindigs every year, he knew most everyone. There was occasional turnover, so some faces came and went and he’d invariably meet new folks every year, but nurses had a tendency to stay, as well as the doctors. Plus, the department always held the party at

an awesome venue, with pretty damn good food. They arrived at the private club, which was done up in holiday décor. Streamers of green and red were strung around the wood beams, and signs that said Happy Holidays were hung up over the bar. Santa Claus—the cardboard version—smiled cheerily at them from the corner of the room, while a live version of Santa was ho-ho-ho-ing his way through the crowd. With a glass of whiskey in his hand. Nick didn’t judge. Santa should be able to have fun. If Nick had to wear that padded, hot costume along with the beard for hours on end, he’d need whiskey, too. Nick shrugged out of his coat, then turned to Ellie. “Let me take your coat and I’ll hang them up.” “Okay.” Ellie took her coat off and Nick tried not to swallow his tongue. Sweet Jesus. She had a red dress on, and even though she wore a sparkly black sweater over it, the damn thing was sexy as hell. Silky and swung against her body like a tease. “Nick?” He blinked. “Yeah?” “Were you going to hang up the coats?”

“Oh, right. Sure. I’ll be right back. How about a drink?” “That’d be great.” She offered up a sweet smile, clearly having no idea what she was doing to him. He went to the coat check and took care of their coats, then headed straight to the bar. He ordered a glass of wine for Ellie, and then, like Santa, a double shot of whiskey. If he was going to follow Ellie around tonight while she wore that dress, he was going to need alcohol. He took two hard swallows to get things started. “Hey, Nick.” He turned and smiled at Dev Ramesh, the head of the OB department. They shook hands. “Hey, Dev, happy holidays.” “Same to you.” Nick hugged, Preeti, Dev’s wife, who Nick knew from Ellie was pregnant again. Very pregnant, by the looks of it. “Congratulations to both of you.” Preeti smiled and rubbed her belly. “Thank you. This one’s a girl, and after two very active boys, I’m ready.” Nick grinned. “Hey, she might end up being

just as active trying to keep up with her big brothers.” Preeti frowned at him. “Don’t say that, Nick. I’m ready for some girl time and tea parties.” Nick laughed. “Then I hope you have a mellow baby girl who loves tea parties and shopping instead of Nerf gun wars, dribbling basketballs in the house, bugs, and dirt.” Preeti laughed. “Spoken as someone who has a little boy in his house. And thank you. Me, too.” Ellie came over and hugged Preeti. “You look gorgeous.” “I look like I swallowed a basketball. I’m ready to get this one out of me.” Dev put his arm around Preeti. “You’re beautiful, as always.” Preeti put her head on Dev’s shoulder. “He always knows the right thing to say. How is Henry doing, Ellie?” “He’s doing great, thanks. Happily spending the evening with his favorite sitter tonight.” They chatted with Dev and Preeti about little boys for a while, then Dev excused them to go greet everyone else. “I’m hungry,” Nick said. “Let’s go check out the food.”

“First on your agenda, as always,” Ellie teased. “Hey, I talked to people first.” They made their way to the hors d’ouevres bar. Nick piled some shrimp and crab and veggie things on his plate. He didn’t know the fancy names for them, but as he popped some bacon-wrapped shrimp into his mouth, he did know they tasted good. They found a table and took seats. Someone came by and filled their glasses with water. Nick made two more trips to the bar for snacks, while Ellie chatted up a pretty redhead Ellie had called to sit down next to her. “Nick, this is Dr. Karen Wilson. She’s an obstetrics resident at the hospital. Karen, this is Nick Washington. He’s my brother-in-law and he owns an auto repair shop.” Nick wiped his hands on a napkin, then leaned across Ellie to shake hands with the doc. “Dr. Wilson.” “Karen, please,” she said with a warm smile. “Okay, Karen. Are you new to the department? I know we haven’t met at previous parties.” “New to the hospital, actually. About six

months.” Ellie eased out of her chair. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be right back.” “Sure, Ellie,” Karen said with a smile. Then she slid into Ellie’s seat next to Nick. “How about you? Are you a native to St. Louis?” “I am. So you’re not from around here?” She shook her head. “Born and raised in Chicago. I moved here to do my residency in OB.” “Well, no offense to the Windy City, but St. Louis is better.” Karen laughed. “It is a lovely city, but I can’t agree it’s better than my home city.” “Oh, come on. We have great sports, awesome food, lots to do and see.” Karen gave him a mirthful smirk. “And so does Chicago.” He liked that Karen was solidly in her hometown’s corner. Which didn’t mean he wouldn’t give her shit about it. “I’m not sure we can continue to talk to each other.” She laughed. “I could leave.” He laid his hand over hers. “Just kidding. I’m willing to let you stay at this table even if your city doesn’t know that thin-style crust is better.”

“You’re so generous, Nick. I’m willing to continue to sit at this table even if you don’t have a basketball team.” He liked her. “Oh, ouch. So tell me about yourself, Karen. Why St. Louis for your residency?” She shook her head. “The hospital here has a great program. Plus, I’m single and had no attachments in Chicago, so it’s easy for me to make the move.” “So you moved here alone?” She nodded. “Yeah, that part was tough.” “I can’t imagine what a big decision it was to make a big move like this by yourself. To be away from your family and friends.” “It was, but I knew it could be part of the deal when I decided to become a doctor.” “Hey, you’ll meet great people here. New friends. Go out on dates and have some fun. There’s a lot to do here.” She gave him a smile. ”I’m still trying to finish up my residency, and that perfect guy hasn’t made an appearance in my life yet. Plus, I generally try to catch up on sleep on my off days. Not that I wouldn’t be open to giving up some sleep if the right guy asked me out.”

She gave him a direct look. Nick thought Karen was pretty, with warm brown eyes and an engaging smile. And it was clear as hell that she was flirting with him. Normally he wouldn’t mind that if his head wasn’t all tied up with Ellie right now. And, speaking of Ellie, he wondered where she’d disappeared to. “Hey, excuse me for a minute, Karen.” She smiled. “Sure.” He got up and found Ellie talking to Fran. Just then the music started up, and since there was a dance floor, he took her by the hand. “Hey, Fran.” “Howdy, Nick. How’s it going?” “Good. Hope you don’t mind, but I’m grabbing Ellie.” Fran gave him a grin. “Don’t mind at all.” “Come on, Ellie, let’s dance.” She looked surprised. “What?” “Dance,” he said as he led her onto the floor. “You know, that thing where there’s music and you move your feet?” “I know what dancing is. Where’s Karen?”

He looked over at the table. “Talking to some guy.” She frowned as he pulled her against his chest. “Oh.” She felt good against him, as if she belonged there. Because she did belong there. Now he just had to convince her. Unfortunately, she was stiff as a board as he moved her around the floor. He frowned. “What is it?” “Oh. Nothing. This is fine.” Fine. There was a word filled with a whole lotta nothing. How could she not feel what he was feeling? That connection, the chemistry that always seemed to wrap around them when they were together. In fact, he knew she did feel it, because she licked her lips and her eyes dilated when she met his gaze. So her tension was her way of fighting the attraction she felt for him. The question was, why? He tugged her closer, sliding his hand up her back, forcing her to look up at him. “Seriously, Ellie. What’s up?” “I just…have things on my mind.”

“What kinds of things?” “Work things. Can you excuse me a minute, Nick?” She disengaged and walked away, leaving him standing in the middle of the dance floor looking like an asshole. A confused asshole. Ellie always talked to him about work things. About everything. So what was it that she couldn’t tell him? “You dancing alone or can I slide in here?” He pulled his gaze away from a retreating Ellie and onto Karen. Shake it off. Whatever was going on with Ellie could be dealt with later. He smiled at Karen and held out his hands. “Sure. Slide on in.” Unlike Ellie, Karen leaned into him, and her interest was obvious. If he wasn’t totally into Ellie, he’d be into a woman like Karen. Smart, beautiful, with a killer smile and a ton of confidence. Unfortunately, his heart—and his head—were into another woman. A woman who’d completely disappeared once she’d walked away from him. He searched for her and spotted her spying on Karen and him from across the room. Though she was trying to appear engaged in conversation with

her friend Fran, it was obvious she was way more interested in what was going on between Karen and him. So she didn’t want to dance with him, but she sure as hell was interested in him dancing with Karen. He looked down at Karen, who gave him an eager smile. “You’re good at this dancing thing.” “Hey, thanks.” Good to know it wasn’t his dancing skills that had made Ellie walk away. He smiled back at Karen, then looked over at Ellie, who quickly glanced away. She was trying to fix him up again, wasn’t she? What the hell, Ellie? “Come on, Karen, let’s go have a seat.” He took her by the hand and they went back to their table. “Drink?” he asked. “Sure.” He went up to the bar and got drinks for both of them and brought them back to the table. “Thank you,” Karen said. “You know, I debated about coming tonight.” “Yeah?” he asked, then took a long swallow of his beer. “Why’s that?”

“Oh, you know. Work functions. People bring their significant others and here I am, new in town and feeling like a third wheel to everyone.” He turned his thousand-watt smile on Karen. She was sincere and not at all hitting on him. Which really sucked because if he wasn’t hung up on Ellie, Karen would be a woman he’d happily date. Unfortunately, he was going to have to piss her off so she wouldn’t think any of this was her fault. “I don’t think you’re going to have any problem finding that perfect guy. You have the looks, the smarts, plus you’re a doctor.” Karen blushed. Damn, she was pretty. “I don’t know about that. Some guys are intimidated by me.” “Really? I don’t see why. I mean, free medical advice, right?” Karen frowned. “Excuse me?” “I have this toenail fungus that’s been driving me crazy for months.” He started to take off his shoe and sock. “You wanna take a look at it and tell me what you think?” He could already see the shock and revulsion on Karen’s face. “Uh, no, I don’t. I think I see some other people I need to visit with. It was, um, nice to meet you.”

“Oh, okay, sure. But if you have some time later…” He lifted his bare foot up and wriggled his toes in her direction. “Bye, Nick.” She bolted, and Nick was impressed as hell with how fast she could move in her high heels. He felt really bad about that, but he wasn’t going to be set up. And he wasn’t going to lead Karen on and let her think he was her perfect guy. He wasn’t the perfect guy for anyone. Except for Ellie, who, for some reason kept trying to throw him at other women while avoiding how she really felt. So what the hell was going on? It was about damn time for him to find out why.

Chapter Nine “And then he proceeded to stick his damn foot in my face.” Ellie was at a loss for words. What was wrong with Nick? “I’m so very sorry, Karen. That’s not like Nick at all. He’s typically not such a—” “Nauseating narcissist?” She was about to deny it, but given Karen’s explanation of their conversation, it fit. “Uh, yes. I apologize. Let me make it up to you. I know a lot of really great guys.” Karen held up her hand. “No. Thank you. If Nick is your idea of a great guy, Ellie, I’ll pass.” She turned and walked away. Ellie slumped in the chair at Fran’s table and cast a helpless look over at her friend. She’d never been so mortified. Didn’t Nick realize she worked with these people? “That’s not the Nick I know,” Fran said. “Then again, I’ve never seen his naked feet.” Ellie rolled her eyes. “He did it on purpose.” “Did what on purpose?” “The foot thing.”

Fran gave Ellie a confused look. “There’s a foot thing? What exactly do you two do in the house after Henry goes to bed at night?” “Come on, Fran. You know what I meant. He deliberately did some disgusting thing with his foot to get rid of Karen.” “Uh-huh. And why do you think he did that, El?” “I have no idea.” She had to go find him. The trouble was, she couldn’t find him anywhere. The bastard was probably hiding from her. He should hide. Because as soon as she found him, she was going to blister his ears with words. So. Many. Words. She finally spotted him hanging in the corner of the room with several guys, including Fran’s boyfriend, Mark. Unintimidated by the throng of testosterone, she marched to the corner. “Hey, Ellie, how’s it going?” Mark asked. She smiled at Mark. “Great, thanks.” Then she turned her attention to Nick, and her smile disappeared. “Nick, I need to talk to you.” “Sure.” Nick pushed off the column he’d been

leaning against and followed her. She led them out of the ballroom and into the hall before she turned to face him. “What the hell did you do?” He frowned. “Huh?” “With Karen.” “Oh. Yeah, that. We need to talk about that. Later.” “No, we can talk about that now.” “Are you sure? Because there are some things I want to say about it, and I don’t think you want to do it here.” “Oh, I want to do it here.” “No, Ellie, you really don’t.” He seemed pissed. Why was he pissed? She was the one who had the right to be upset with him. “Seriously? Why are you taking that tone with me?” He took her by the arm and led her down the hall and around the corner, away from people going in and out the door to the ballroom. “You want to know why? Because you keep trying to fix me up with women. First Rachel, then Karen? Come on, Ellie, I’m not stupid.” Frustration ate at her. “You knew. That’s why

you acted like such a jerk.” “Of course I did. I don’t need you to find women for me.” “Obviously you do, because you’re doing a terrible job finding them on your own.” “I’m not looking for a woman.” “Maybe you should be.” He glared at her and she knew there was more he wanted to say. Instead, he just turned around and walked away from her. “Dammit, Nick,” she whispered to the empty hallway. They weren’t finished with this conversation.

Chapter Ten Nick was silent the entire way home. He had to be, because he was still pissed off about Ellie trying to fix him up. The problem was, he wasn’t sure how to approach this conversation without telling her how he felt about her. And he wasn’t sure she was ready to hear that yet. Between the time of year and it being so close to the date when John died, plus the fact they’d never talked about whether she was ready to start seeing anyone yet, he had to be careful with her. But he was still mad as hell. Which meant he had to keep his thoughts to himself. When they got home, Ellie paid Cecelia, then Nick drove her home. By the time he got back, he figured Ellie would already be in her room getting ready for bed. He was wrong. She was still in her dress—that damn sexy red dress that was even sexier now that she’d taken the sweater off. It showed off the skin of her back and distracted the hell out of him. He refused to be distracted when he was pissed off. So he headed toward the kitchen, where Ellie was sipping a glass of wine.

He took off his coat and hung it on the hook by the door, then walked into the kitchen, right past Ellie, and to the fridge, where he grabbed a beer. He unscrewed the top and took a long swallow. Then he stared at the kitchen counter. “Are you going to turn around and talk to me about this?” she asked. He turned around to face her. “About what? About the fact you’re trying to fix me up?” “Yes. And the fact that you’ve acted like a total douchebag to two very nice women.” “That part I feel bad about.” It wasn’t in his nature to lie to or dupe women. He felt shitty about the way he’d handled Rachel and Karen. “You should feel bad. They’re amazing women, Nick.” “I’m sure they are. But they’re not for me.” “How do you know they’re not for you? You never even gave them a chance.” How could he begin to explain to her that he wasn’t interested in any woman but her? He didn’t think she was willing to listen. Not right now. “I don’t need fix ups.” Ellie took a long swallow of her wine. “Why don’t you date, Nick?” Well, shit. He shrugged. “I’m busy.”

“That’s a terrible excuse. Do you know in all the time I’ve lived here I’ve never seen you go out on a date? Not one time? And I’ve been here almost five years. I’m starting to think it’s because of me.” He frowned. “What? No. It’s not because of you.” She gave him her don’t lie to me look, the one she always gave to Henry whenever he was fibbing to her. “Okay, in the beginning it was because of you. Mainly it was because of John. Come on, Ellie. I’d lost my brother. Going out and having fun with some woman was the last thing on my mind after John died. And then there was you, with Henry. We both had our hands full.” “That’s true. But it’s been almost five years.” “I could say the same thing about you. In the entire time you’ve lived here, I haven’t seen you date once.” “I was mourning. I loved him so much, Nick.” She was killing him. “I know you did.” “I know he wouldn’t want me to mourn him forever. And I have been moving on and putting the loss behind me. But there’s been Henry and I guess I used him as a convenient excuse to not ever think

about being with another man again.” He put down his beer and walked over to her, putting his hands on her arms. He made sure she could see the directness of his gaze as he said the words, to know how much he meant them. “You have a right to be happy.” She gave him a direct look right back. “So do you.” “I am happy.” She took another swallow of wine, then set the glass on the counter. “I think you’re lonely.” She came over to him and picked up his hand. “And I think I’m holding you back.” So that’s what it was. “Ellie. It’s not you.” Though it was her. Hell, this was getting so damned complicated. “Then what is it, Nick? You know you can tell me.” He was either going to have to come out with it and be honest with her or he was going to have to hold it in forever. And it was now or never. “Okay, it is you.” She blinked. “Okay.” “But not in the way you think,” he rushed to add.

She frowned. “I don’t understand.” He rubbed his thumb over hers. “In the beginning, it was all about our grief. Yours and mine. And then there was Henry, so then it was all about him. Making sure the both of you were okay. But the past—I dunno—year or two, it’s been about more than that.” He saw her eyes go dark, felt the subtle change in the air between them, and he knew she understood. “Oh. Oh.” “Yeah. I started thinking about you as more than my brother’s widow. More than Henry’s mom. More than just my friend. You’re a smart, beautiful, desirable woman, Ellie. And you’re the only woman I’ve been thinking about for a while now. Which is why when you were throwing women at me I wasn’t interested. I’m just interested in you.” Ellie couldn’t breathe. She’d had these feelings for Nick, too, thoughts she knew she shouldn’t be having, but couldn’t help herself. And now here was Nick, admitting he’d been having the same thoughts, the same feelings. She owed it to him to be honest. “I have to admit, Nick, I’m feeling the same things.” His gorgeous blue eyes darkened with a flash of desire that nearly knocked her backward.

“Yeah?” “Yes. Only it made me feel mixed-up and guilty.” “Why?” “You know why. You’re John’s brother. It doesn’t feel right somehow.” “So you’d rather be with some other guy than with me?” She shook her head, confusion making her temples pound. She didn’t know how to explain this to him so it made sense. How could she, when it didn’t even make sense to her? “No. I mean…I don’t know. I don’t know what I want, Nick.” She saw that heat of desire in his eyes go out. “I get it, Ellie. You need time. And I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for. When you figure it out, you let me know.” He released her hand. She reached for him, but he’d already backed away. “Nick.” “I’m going to bed. Night, Ellie.” She wanted to say something—anything—to get him to stay. She wanted to tell him about all the feelings she’d been bottling inside, so much so she wanted to explode. She wanted to tell him how

much she wanted to touch him. She wanted to ask him to kiss her. Instead, she watched him walk away. And for the first time since her husband died, she really did feel all alone.

Chapter Eleven Game night at Rob and Melissa’s house was one of Ellie’s favorite things to do. Nick and Rob always got to hang out at work, but Ellie only got to see Melissa one Saturday a month at game night. They typically did a potluck since other couples showed up. Tonight, Fran and Mark were there, along with Melissa’s friend Heather from the bank where she worked, and Heather’s husband, Eric. They ate dinner first, and it was delicious as always. Rob had a huge family, so when they’d bought the house, he’d built a massive dining room table with plenty of room to seat everyone. Typically the women sat at one end of the table and the men at the other, which suited Ellie just fine since she could get caught up with Melissa and chat with Fran and Heather. Henry was happily situated at the table in the kitchen with Rob and Melissa’s son, RJ, who was only a year older. The two of them got along great. Eric and Heather had a two-year-old they didn’t bring tonight. “Selina’s been an absolute terror today,” Heather said. “I didn’t want to inflict her on

anyone.” “Aww,” Melissa said. “You do realize both Ellie and I have been through the toddler stage.” “She’s throwing things,” Heather said with a sigh. “So her punishment was no fun with RJ and Henry. I dropped her off at my parents’ house. They adore her and they don’t care about her tantrums.” “I think by the time you become grandparents, you forgive just about everything because you’re happy to have little ones in the house again,” Ellie said. “My in-laws are wonderful with Henry.” “Mine are too with RJ,” Melissa said. “As are my parents. I don’t remember them being quite as lenient with me when I was young.” Ellie nodded. “That’s because when you’re parents, you’re young and not as patient.” Fran took a sip of wine. “I can’t wait to have obnoxious children who throw things.” Ellie laughed. “I can’t wait for you to have them, either. I’m dying to cuddle a baby.” “Mark and I have talked about the whole wedding and kids thing. But with his job at the fire station and my job at the hospital, we’re both crazy busy.” “There’s never an ideal time for any of it,”

Melissa said. “If you love each other, you make it happen.” “True,” Ellie said. “But, you know, Fran, you and Mark will do it when you’re ready. Or not do it, whichever the case may be. You have to set your own timeline.” Fran laughed. “We are happily ever aftering. We’re just doing it in our own way.” Once they finished dinner, everyone helped put food away and do the dishes, which meant it took no time at all. The kids went into the game room to play, and the adults played their own games. It was always a blast. They played various games, from board games to card games, which always left Ellie breathless with laughter. The one thing different tonight, though, was Nick. Oh, he was a fine game partner. He’d never let whatever was going on between them interfere with the fun of game night. But he hadn’t said much to her since their conversation the other night. They’d left things hanging. Or, rather, she’d left things hanging. They had always been so close, had told each other everything. From the moment John had died, Nick had been her rock, her support system, her knight in shining armor. He’d become her best

friend and her confidant, and it had been that way for years. Until things had changed, until she realized she had feelings for Nick that went beyond brother-inlaw, beyond friendship. And now that he’d revealed his attraction to her, everything between them was different. Where before, when she got home, she’d tell him everything about her day and he’d do the same, they both had seemed to focus their attention totally on Henry, as if her son had become the buffer between them. Not that Henry noticed the difference since he always received a lot of their time and attention. But Ellie noticed. Because even after Henry went to bed at night, Nick was either on the laptop or engrossed in something on TV. And where they’d usually talk while watching television, now he was mostly silent. Waiting. She couldn’t blame him for the silence, because she’d become mute as well, as if she couldn’t find the words to start that important conversation they needed to have. Now she couldn’t decide what the next step should be. She knew her indecision was driving a wedge between them.

They had taken a break from their latest game. The guys were in the game room playing something with the kids, and Melissa and Heather were deep in conversation in the living room about something work related, so Ellie and Fran stepped into the kitchen to refill their wineglasses. “You’re up in your head about something tonight,” Fran said as she topped off Ellie’s glass. “No, I’m not.” “Yes, you are. It’s like you’re a freakin’ walking zombie, El. You’re here tonight, but in body only. What’s going on?” Ellie looked into the living room. Melissa and Heather had their heads together and were quietly chatting. The game room was downstairs, so they were alone. “It’s Nick.” “Oh.” Fran took a sip of wine. “Talk to me.” She explained about the Karen debacle, then told Fran about Nick’s admission the other night of having feelings for her, and her response, which had pretty much been nothing but confusion. “We’re dancing around these feelings we have for each other, or at least I am. Which means nothing is happening, so there’s this wall between us.” “Is he reluctant to act on his feelings?” “No. I’m the one who put a stop to things the

other night.” Fran sighed. “Why?” “You know why. Because of John.” “Who is dead. While Nick is very much alive.” Ellie winced. “Fran.” “Come on, Ellie. It’s time to wake up, join the living, and stop making everything about your dead husband. I know you loved him. We all loved him. But it’s like you stopped living when John died. And how is Henry going to react as he grows up watching his mother living this life standing still, never moving on, never being happy? Don’t you think he wants a happy mom, one who’s among the living? “ It was a stab in the heart hearing these words from her best friend. But she needed to hear it. “I know. Logically I know you’re right. But, you know, it’s Nick. He’s John’s brother. And I don’t know if the feelings I have for him are real or if it’s just because we’ve lived together since John died.” Fran grasped her hand and squeezed. “You won’t know for sure if it’s real between you and Nick unless you give yourself an opportunity to find out.” “You’re right. Everything right now is in my

head. I’m always in my own head.” “Then get out of your head and start feeling something. Let yourself feel, Ellie. Open up your heart to the possibility that what you and Nick have together might be real. And if it isn’t, at least you’ll have given it a chance.” She knew what Fran said made sense. But fear held her back. It had been holding her back for the past five years. Fear of living. Fear of moving forward. Fear of leaving her past behind, of leaving John behind. And now fear of feeling something that might be real—or might not. “But what if it isn’t?” “Then you’ll know. And you can move on. Either way, you’ll stop stagnating like you’ve been doing for the past five years. Don’t you owe it to yourself—and to Henry—to take that step forward?” She did. She couldn’t go on hiding from her feelings and living in the past. It was time to make some decisions. Starting with Nick.

Chapter Twelve Nick dropped Henry off at Fran’s house since Ellie had to work late that day. Henry always looked forward to this annual spend the night with Fran. They’d started it when Henry was a baby, as a time for Nick and Ellie to do some holiday shopping. Now that Henry was older, it was his big boy time with Auntie Fran and Uncle Mark when he got to spend the night. “I’m gonna go to the movies with Fran and Mark,” Henry said. “And then we’re gonna go shopping. And if I’m a good boy, Fran said I might get somethin’ special like a toy.” “That’s what your momma told me,” Nick said as he pulled into Fran’s driveway. “And you’re also going to be on your best behavior, right?” Henry shot him a childlike exasperated look. “I’m always good, Uncle Nick.” Nick grinned. He was generally right about that. Ellie was lucky to have gotten such a wellbehaved kid. Henry almost always behaved when he was over at someone else’s house. Plus, he’d spent the night with Fran before. She was great with him. He walked Henry up to the front door and

rang the bell. Fran answered and her smile widened when she saw Henry. “There’s my buddy. What’s up, Henry?” “Becca brought a turtle to preschool today. His name was Sigmund and I got to hold him and he pooped in my hand.” Fran’s lips curved as she looked at Nick, who smiled back at her. She looked down at Henry. “Can’t think of a better day, can you, Nick?” “Nope.” He handed Henry’s bag to Fran. “Call us if you need anything.” “Hey, we’ve got this. The question is, Nick… do you?” “No clue what you mean, Fran.” Fran leaned over and kissed Nick on the cheek. “Oh, I think you’ll figure it out, honey.” He really had no idea what the hell Fran was talking about. “It’s our annual pre-holiday sleepover . We always have fun, don’t we, Henry?” Henry nodded. “Yup.” Nick hugged Henry. “Love you, buddy.” Henry squeezed him tight. “Love you, too, Uncle Nick.” “I picked up an early shift tomorrow

morning,” Fran said. “Hey, it’s not a problem. We’ll come get him in the morning.” Fran gave him a grin. “Thanks. And you have a fun night tonight.” Still no clue what was up with Fran. “Yeah, sure. Thanks, Fran.” Nick got in his truck and drove home, figuring it would be a couple of hours before Ellie would be there. He was surprised to see her car in the open garage. He hoped nothing was wrong. He parked in the driveway, got out, and walked into the house through the garage. “Ellie?” “In the kitchen.” She was unpacking something from a bag. Whatever it was, it smelled good. “What are you doing?” She turned around. “I was going to cook, but then I realized that could get messy and also take time. And I wanted to dress up.” He frowned. “What are you talking about? I thought you had to work late.” “I didn’t. I just thought we could have some time alone tonight. You know, so we could talk.”

First Fran and now Ellie, and he was more confused than ever. Then again, they hadn’t talked much since that night after the party, so it didn’t surprise him he had no idea what was going on in her head. “Okay.” “I picked up toasted raviolis and chicken parmesan from Rigazzi’s.” No wonder he smelled something good. “Those are my favorites.” “I know.” She gave him a shy smile. “I also picked up a bottle of Cabernet.” He leaned against the counter. “What’s this all about, Ellie?” “It’s about you.” He watched her swallow as she fought to get the words out. “About you and me.” Now things were getting clearer. “Okay.” He caught her nervous swallow. “We have to start a conversation, figure out where we stand. Can’t we at least have dinner?” “We have dinner together every night.” She sighed. “Come on, Nick. I’m trying. I arranged for Fran to keep Henry overnight. I picked up a nice dinner and I bought wine. I’m wearing a freaking dress. Meet me halfway here.” Ah. So that’s what Fran meant. He knew the

sleepover with Henry had been scheduled a little earlier than normal this year. But he figured it had more to do with Fran’s schedule, so he’d shrugged it off. Ellie had gone to some effort for this night. And maybe he was still hurt about her trying to get rid of him by throwing women at him. It was time to get over it so they could talk. Things between them needed to be settled, one way or the other. “Okay. Let me go take a shower. I’m still work dirty.” “All right.” He took a quick shower, then put on his dark jeans and a button-down shirt—the navy blue one Ellie liked. When he made his way down the hall, the smell of pasta sauce filled his senses. He knew they had a lot to talk about, but he was hungry. He’d started work early this morning, and lunch today had been a fast bologna sandwich. Not very filling. Besides, they could have a better conversation once their stomachs were full. And maybe he was trying to delay that conversation because if it didn’t go well… He didn’t want to think too long about what

would happen if it didn’t go well. Ellie had set the dining room table with the good plates and wineglasses. She really was going all out. The least he could do was give her a chance. “Hey, it looks good.” She smiled up at him. “Thanks.” “What can I do to help?” She scanned the table. “Oh. We need napkins.” “I’m on it.” He dug into the pantry for the napkins. Typically they grabbed paper towels, mainly because of Henry. But since Ellie seemed to want tonight to be special, he went for the nice linen napkins that they usually saved for when they had company over. He brought those over to the table and folded each one, setting the silverware on top. “Nice touch,” she said. “Let’s eat.” He pulled her chair out for her and moved it back toward the table as she slid into the chair. “Thank you.” They scooped the food onto their plates and dug in. The food was so damn good he had to avoid

shoveling it into his mouth. “What did you eat for lunch today?” she asked. He waited until after he swallowed before answering. “Bologna sandwich.” “No wonder you’re eating like you’re starving. You know there was leftover fried chicken in the fridge.” He frowned. “There was? I didn’t see it.” “Probably because you worry way more about getting Henry ready and getting his lunch together. I’m sorry you have to do that.” What the hell? “Why are you apologizing? You’re up at five in the morning, Ellie. It’s always made more sense for me to get Henry up and to daycare.” She had laid her fork down and was staring at him. “I know. But there are so many things I feel guilty about. I feel like you’ve been putting your life on hold for me.” “Have I ever complained about it?” “No. But you’re not the complaining type.” He took a sip of the wine. “I complain plenty. Ask Rob.” She rolled her eyes. “That’s work. You never

complain to me.” “Maybe it’s because you don’t give me anything to complain about.” This wasn’t at all what he thought they were going to talk about. “What’s on your mind, Ellie?” She shrugged and scooted a ravioli around on her plate. “I just feel like I’ve been holding you back.” “So, that’s what this dinner is for? To tell me about the guilt you’ve been feeling? Because if it is, I have to tell you, I thought we were gonna have an entirely different conversation.” “I know. I abruptly shifted the conversation.” He laid his napkin on the table, his voracious appetite suddenly gone. “Why?” “Because I’m scared.” He gave her a direct look. “What are you scared about?” “I’m scared about what I’m feeling. I feel so conflicted. I have equal parts desire and guilt.” Her admission felt like a gut punch, but if he was going to be in this, he had to let her say what she felt. “Because of John.” She gave a quick nod. “I know it’s stupid because he’s been gone for almost five years, but I can’t help it.”

“Your feelings aren’t stupid. No one knows more than I do how much you loved my brother.” “Logically I know it’s time to let it go. My mind and my body keep telling me it’s time.” “But?” “I don’t know. It feels like if I let him go, then he’s gone forever.” He took her hands in his. “That’s never going to happen. You have Henry. You have me. You know how I felt about my brother, Ellie. We’re always going to keep his memory alive.” Ellie knew that Nick was right, and of course, here she was, on a night that was supposed to be about Nick and her, talking about her dead husband. Tears pricked her eyes. “I’m getting this all wrong.” Nick pushed back from his chair and came over to her, kneeling down next to her. “What are you getting wrong?” “I had planned this whole night for us. To be alone, to find out if you and I…” She couldn’t finish because Nick had smoothed his hand over her hair and she lost the ability to breathe. He’d casually touched her so many times over the years, holding her hand in

times of comfort, putting his arm around her while joking. But this—this was different. Because now she felt differently about him. “If you and I could what?” She half turned in the chair and laid her hands on his face. “If we could do this.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, knowing the moment wasn’t right, that they’d just been talking about John. Nick would probably be insulted. Or repulsed. Instead, he stood and pulled her out of the chair, wrapping his arms around her to kiss her back with an intensity that made it seem as if time had stopped. And suddenly the conversation shifted, only there wasn’t conversation. There were only lips and tongues, heavy breathing and exploring hands. Nick’s hand roamed over her back, drawing her closer against him, and it was everything she’d wanted—needed—for so long. It was only Nick in her head, in her thoughts. It was only Nick that she needed as she molded her body against his, as she whimpered for more of the hot neediness of his mouth against hers. A flame had started inside of her. She couldn’t pinpoint when it had begun, but now it had ignited, and only Nick could quench the fire that burned

within her. So when he gentled the kiss and pulled his mouth from hers, she let out a whimper of protest. “About that conversation…” he said, swiping his fingers across her collarbone. The movement gave her goose bumps. She could already envision his hands on her naked body, touching her everywhere. She hadn’t been touched that way in so long. She almost cried with the need for it. She shook her head. “No more talking.” She took his hand and led him from the dining room down the hall to her bedroom. Normally she shut the door for privacy, but they were alone tonight, so she left the door open. “Unzip my dress?” she asked. He came up behind her, swept her hair to the side, and pressed a kiss to the back of her neck. There went those goose bumps popping up again. She felt his fingers at the zipper. “Are you sure about this, Ellie?” His whispered breath was warm against her skin, making her tingle all over. “Yes. Absolutely sure.”

She craned her neck to look back at him. “Are you sure?” She felt the squeeze of his fingers on her shoulders, then turned her around and kissed her. The kiss was passionate, demanding, breathstealing. When he pulled back, his eyes were dark with passion. “I’ve never wanted anything so goddamn much in my entire life.” She shuddered in a breath and turned back around again. “Then unzip my dress.” They weren’t listening to music. The TV wasn’t on in the other room. All she could hear was Nick breathing and the sound of her zipper as he slowly drew it down. It gave her comfort to hear Nick’s breaths, to know that his heavy breathing meant he felt something, that this wasn’t easy on him, because it sure wasn’t easy for her. She was pent up, loaded with anxiety that was part disbelief that she was actually doing this, the other part excitement and hoping they could get to the good stuff in a hurry. She pulled her arms out of the sleeves of her dress, then let it fall to the floor. “Wanna hang that up?” She let out a soft laugh. “Not high on my priority list right now.” “Good.”

She stepped out of the dress and kicked off her heels. Nick moved her to face him. “I appreciate you dressing up for me tonight, Ellie, but I have to tell you that you look amazing in your underwear.” She blushed as his gaze traveled over her body. “You realize it’s been a long time since someone has seen me naked. Or almost naked.” He smoothed his hand over her shoulder and down her arm, linking his fingers with hers. “You have a body meant to be worshipped.” Her heart pounded a fast rhythm against her chest. This obviously wasn’t her first time, but it sure felt that way. She still remembered all the components and what to do, though. In fact, the anticipation and mental visuals of how good this was going to be were what drove her. She reached for Nick’s shirt, concentrating on undoing each button, pulling the fabric apart so she could unveil his amazing abs. She lifted her gaze to his face. “No, you have an incredible body, Nick.” He gave that half smile, the one that was so incredibly sexy it made her nipples tighten. “How about we get naked and do some joint worshipping, then?” Her mind was awash in all the things she’d been fantasizing about doing with Nick before

chastising herself for thinking her fantasies were wrong. But nothing was wrong tonight. Everything felt right. She was finally going with her feelings and taking what she wanted. So when Nick unzipped his pants and shrugged out of those and his boxer briefs, she held her breath, then sighed in appreciation as he stood before her completely naked. Oh. Yes. This was definitely what she wanted. And when he stepped forward to unhook her bra, pulling the straps slowly down her arms, all she could think was one word. Hurry. But then he paused, tracing his fingers down the space between her breasts. “I was looking forward to seeing what you wore on that long silver chain that’s always tucked into your clothes.” She’d worn John’s wedding ring on that chain. Tonight, she’d taken it off and put it in her jewelry box. A chapter closed. So she could open a new chapter with Nick. “I tucked it away in a special place for safekeeping.”

“Okay.” He teased the swell of her breasts, making her breath catch. He tangled his hands in her hair and kissed her, sweeping her senses into a maelstrom of desire and passion. A blast of heat seared through her nerve endings. Suddenly she was swept up—literally—in Nick’s arms. He looked down at her. “Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?” His words made her feel cherished. “Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you saying that?” His lips curved as he walked her to the bed. He held her with one hand, using the other to jerk the comforter down to the end of the bed before laying her down on the mattress. He slid next to her, then over her, kissing her until her body felt like it was on fire. She wrapped a leg around him, arching against him, her mind awash with the unique sensations of feeling Nick’s body rubbing against hers. “Ellie.” She felt like she was floating on a cloud of sensual bliss. “Mmm-hmmm.” He smoothed his hand down her arm. “Open

your eyes.” She lifted her lids to find Nick staring down at her. “What is it?” she asked. His hand drifted over her breast, making her gasp. “Just making sure you’re with me.” She brushed his hair from his face and smiled up at him. “I know who’s touching me. I know who I’m in bed with right now. Kiss me, Nick.” He bent and took her mouth in a kiss that was pure passion, that made her forget anything but the feel of his hands across her flesh, his breath mingling with hers, and the scrape of his beard stubble across her neck as he began a slow trek south with his tongue. Nerve endings that hadn't been awakened in years leaped to joyous life as he flicked his tongue over her nipple, then drew it into his mouth and sucked. She slid her fingers into the silken softness of his hair, lost in the raw sensation of what he was doing to her. She was damp, aroused, and desperately needy in ways she couldn't articulate. At least not verbally. Instead, she told Nick how she felt with gasps and moans and the arching of her back, asking for more of that intense pleasure. And oh, did he give it to her.

He made his way down to her sex, and when his tongue glided over her clit, she gasped. Heat engulfed her, a thousand points of pleasure quivering within her. She’d almost forgotten what it was like to be strung up with taut desire until she couldn’t stand it. And when she came, it was with a cry she couldn’t hold back. The force of her orgasm blasted through her. She craved this release, needed it like she needed breath. She soaked it in, reveled in it, and let herself fall. It was glorious. She was still heaving breaths when Nick kissed his way up her body to lick and nip at her breasts. She wasn’t sure she was going to be able to take all this bliss. Though she was going to give it her all, because she didn’t want this to end. “I’ll be right back,” he whispered, brushing his lips over hers. He disappeared out the door, and she sucked in a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling. “Wow.” She’d forgotten how amazing sex could be. Nick came back in the room holding a condom wrapper in his hand. He climbed onto the bed and

rested his hand on her hip. She flipped onto her side to face him. “Everything okay?” She sighed. “Everything is...really good.” She touched his face, rubbing her fingers across the stubble of beard on his jawline. “You have an incredible jawline. Have I ever mentioned that?” He slanted a sexy smile at her. “Not that I remember. But do continue.” She moved her fingers over his bottom lip, shivering with desire as she remembered where his mouth had been just a few minutes earlier. “Also, you have an amazing, extremely talented mouth.” He grinned. “Glad you think so. Wait till you see what I can do with my amazing, extremely talented dick.” She laughed. “Oh, really. You’re that confident in your…skills?” He waved the condom wrapper back and forth. “Absolutely.” She rolled onto her back and stretched. “Show me.” “Spoken by a true Missouri woman.” He got up on his knees, tore the wrapper open, and slid the condom on. Given that he hadn’t lost

his rather impressive erection when he’d left the room, she hoped there was an element of truth in his bold statement. She was more than ready for this, and when he leaned down and covered her body with his, she sighed in contentment, wrapping her legs around his hips. He looked down at her. “I sense you’re in a hurry.” “You have no idea.” “Oh, I have an idea. I’ve been thinking about doing this for a long time. But, you know, sex should never be hurried.” “Says the guy whose cock is currently rubbing up against me.” He grinned. “Yeah, but we have all night.” He surged against her, teasing her and making her want to grab hold of his most important asset and take control. But then he kissed her—a soft, sweet kiss that made her lose all thought except for the utter perfection of his mouth. She tangled her fingers in his hair, lost in the softness of it. Maybe she wasn’t in such a hurry, because the way he kissed her made her want to stay like this all night, just kissing each other, entwined together, passion fusing the two of them into one.

But then he slid inside of her, and she moaned against his mouth. Oh, yes, this was so much better. Their tongues collided, the kiss deepening to one of hard passion as their bodies connected in the most intimate of ways. Every time he moved within her, her body wept with sensual joy. She felt Nick everywhere, in the way his hands moved along her rib cage to cup her breasts, in every kiss, in every murmured word. She opened her eyes to see the hard passion in his. He swept her hair away from her face, and she felt the stun of an emotional connection with Nick she hadn’t been prepared for. So instead, she arched her back, letting passion take over, letting her body overtake her mind and her emotions. Fortunately, he went with her, deepening his thrusts until she trembled through an incredible orgasm that left her shaking, but in the best way. Nick gripped her hip and drove into her, then shuddered as he came. He buried his face in her neck, kissing her there, eliciting chills that ran along her skin. She was out of breath, and her body had gone lax. It had been so, so good.

Faint warning bells pinged in her head as reality tried to make its way to the surface. But she pushed them aside as Nick rolled off of her and pulled her against him. Reality could wait until morning. Tonight, she had Nick, and she was going to enjoy every second of this time she would share with him. Tomorrow—and all that reality would bring— could wait.

Chapter Thirteen Nick woke before dawn, rolled over, and nuzzled against Ellie, pressing his lips against her neck. “Mmm,” was all she said, then reached behind her to slide her fingers into his hair. “Yes.” He smiled at that, then rolled her over to kiss her. She responded, warm and welcoming, her fingers wrapped around his neck. But then she pulled back. “Fran has to work today. I have to go get Henry.” He lifted his head to look at the clock on his nightstand. It was six a.m. Ugh. The reality of having kids. “You sleep in a while longer,” he said. “I’ll go get Henry.” “You sure?” “Yeah.” She lifted up and brushed her lips across his. “Thank you.”

“For what? The outstanding night of sex?” She offered up a satisfied smile. “Definitely for that. But for getting Henry.” “Hey, no problem.” He got out of bed and grabbed his clothes, slid into them, and zipped up his jeans. “I’ll see you later.” He left her room and went to his, used the bathroom, and picked up his phone. He really wanted to brew a cup of coffee first, but he’d better go grab Henry. Then coffee. Fran was already up and in her scrubs when he got there. “He was awesome and we had a great time,” Fran said. Henry came to the door, his tiny backpack in his hands. He handed it off to Nick. “We made our own pizza last night, Uncle Nick.” “You did?” “Yeah. And I got to help with the dough and put the sauce on it. And I got to sprinkle the cheese. I really like cheese.” Fran grinned at Nick. “It was an extremely cheesy pizza.”

Nick could well imagine. “Hey, I know Henry. He’s a cheesy kind of kid.” Henry giggled. “Thanks for having him over.” “I hope you had a good night.” Fran looked at him expectantly, but he wasn’t the kind of guy to kiss and tell. Instead, he kissed Fran on the cheek. “Talk to you later, Fran.” “Bye, Aunt Fran,” Henry said, giving her a big hug. “Thanks for letting me hang out with you and Mark.” They went to the car and Henry talked nonstop about pretty much every minute of his time with Fran and Mark. “Where’s Momma?” Henry asked as he threw his backpack on the sofa. “She’s still sleeping.” Then Nick thought about what he’d said. “I guess.” “I’m hungry.” “Did Fran feed you breakfast?” “Yup. Mark did. Cereal. I want pancakes now.” “Pancakes can wait until after I’ve had coffee, buddy.”

“Okay. But not too long, ’kay?” “I’ll do my best.” Henry gave him a dubious look, then ran into his room to play. Nick headed straight for the kitchen to brew a cup of coffee. He stayed right there for the first few sips, then made his way into the living room and put his feet up on the coffee table, scanning the news on his phone. He checked the weather, too. It was supposed to snow later today. It might be a good day to get their Christmas tree. They could decorate it while it snowed outside. Henry would love that. He heard the door to Ellie’s room open. She came down the hall, stopping when she saw him. She offered up a hesitant smile. “Where’s Henry?” “In his room playing.” “Oh, okay. I want to say hi to him.” She turned around and went back down the hall. Nick heard talking, then Henry’s giggle. Then Ellie’s laugh. Hearing the two of them together was often a gut punch. Henry loved his Momma. And he knew how much Ellie loved Henry.

She came out of his room. “Did he tell you he wanted pancakes?” Nick asked. Ellie nodded. “About five times. I told him I needed coffee first.” Nick laughed. “Same thing I told him.” She walked past him and went into the kitchen. He figured she’d join him on the sofa, so he resumed reading the news. It was a few minutes later when he realized she hadn’t come in to sit next to him. He turned around to see her leaning against the kitchen counter, staring off into space. “Ellie?” She jerked her head up. “Yes?” “You coming in here to drink your coffee?” “Oh. Uh, sure.” Something was off. Nick wasn’t sure what, but when she sat in the chair instead of next to him on the sofa, he knew something was definitely wrong. “What is it?” he asked. “What do you mean?” “You’re sitting as far away from me as you can without being in another room. What’s going on?” “Nothing.” She set her coffee cup down and

pulled the blanket that was draped over the chair onto her lap. “I was cold, and this chair has the blanket.” He pointed to the thick blanket behind him. “There’s one right here.” She looked at the blanket, then at him. “Oh. Right. Forgot about that one.” She didn’t forget about it. Ellie always made sure there were plenty of blankets in the living room in the winter because she was always cold. “What’s wrong?” She started to speak, but then the bedroom door opened and Henry came running down the hall, throwing himself onto Ellie’s lap. Ellie squeezed Henry and kissed his cheek. “My sweet boy.” Henry pulled away, then leaped onto Nick’s lap. “Is it time for breakfast yet?” “Sure,” Nick said, wrestling with the wriggling monster. “You ready for pancakes?” Henry giggled. “Nope. Now I want cupcakes.” “Nice try, kid. How about pancakes and fruit and a big glass of milk?” “Okay.” “Sound good to you, Ellie?”

Ellie nodded. “Sure.” Nick got up and started breakfast. Ellie joined him, and Henry dragged some toys in the living room to play with. “It’s supposed to snow today,” he said as he worked on making the pancakes while Ellie washed and sliced the fruit. “Is it?” “Yeah. I thought we might go get the Christmas tree today and decorate the house. Henry would enjoy that while it’s snowing.” “Sure. Sounds great.” Typically Ellie came up with any excuse she could to avoid getting the tree or decorating the house. She was either deep in thought about something else or maybe she was finally over the whole anti-Christmas thing. “Ellie.” She looked up at him. “What?” “Christmas tree today. Then decorating.” “I said that was fine, Nick.” “Okay. Just double-checking.” Something was definitely off about her, but he couldn’t keep asking her about it while Henry was in the vicinity. So he’d have to wait until later.

He just hoped it didn’t have anything to do with what had happened between them last night. Because, to him, last night had been perfect. She’d been perfect. He wanted to build on that, start a relationship with her, out in the open. Sure, they’d have to take things slow, introduce the change in their relationship to Henry in a way he’d understand. Nick was in love with Ellie. He hoped she felt the same way, but until they sat down and talked about how they felt about each other, he wouldn’t know where he stood. Hopefully they could do that soon. In the meantime, they were going to get this Christmas thing moving along. The fact Ellie was agreeable about the tree and decorations was a good sign. That, at least, was a step in the right direction. So maybe things were changing for the better.

Chapter Fourteen Ellie felt like she’d been moving through a thick blanket of fog all day long. She was grateful to have Nick along to help with Henry. Once they’d announced they were going shopping to pick out the Christmas tree, Henry’s enthusiasm level had gone from his usual exuberance to bouncing off the walls. He was even more enthused when snow started falling, earlier than forecast. Thick white flakes fell as they’d wandered the tree lot, Henry pulling her along like it was already Christmas, yelling at the top of his lungs, “How about this one, Momma?” Ellie was not ready to deal with Henry’s level of enthusiasm right now. Not when she was so far in her head, deep in thought about Nick, about what had happened between them last night. She had to figure out a way to tell him that, while last night had been amazing, had been more than she could ever dream of, it couldn‘t be repeated. Fortunately, Nick had Henry well in hand and she tried to nod at all the appropriate times so Nick would think she was involved in the decisionmaking. Frankly, she didn’t care. One tree was just as

good as another as far as she was concerned. It were green, it smelled good, and it were pretty once you got the lights and the ornaments on it. And, hopefully as soon as possible after Christmas, it would come down. She was doing her best to get into the holiday spirit, but she could only handle so much. They stopped in front of a noble fir that she thought was way too big. “It’s the perfect size,” Nick said. “It’s great, Momma. Can we have this one?” Henry tilted his head and stared up at the tree, snowflakes already covering his navy blue beanie. It was cold, she couldn’t feel her toes anymore, and she was ready to be done. “Yup. It’s perfect. This one will do.” They bought the tree and Nick loaded it in the truck. When they got home, Nick set the tree up in front of the window in the living room. “It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Henry asked. She smiled at him. “It sure is. And very large.” Nick tightened the tree stand, then stood and looked at her. “Too big? You said it was perfect.” “I did, and it’s fine.” “It’s super-big so Santa won’t miss it,” Henry

said. Nick ruffled Henry’s hair. “No way he’s missing this one, buddy. Let’s get the lights on it.” Ellie went into the kitchen and got water to put into the tree basin. Once she did that, she stood back while Nick and Henry strung the lights around the tree. It tugged at her heart to watch them, to hear her son’s giggle when Nick teased him about the lights drooping on the ground, then told Henry about him doing the same thing to the lights when he was a kid. John would have loved doing this with Henry. Christmas was his favorite time of year. Her heart squeezed as she realized that Henry would never know his father, and that the only father figure he actually knew was Nick. As far as Henry was concerned, Nick was his father. As she sat on the edge of the sofa and watched the way Nick interacted with Henry, she realized how much Nick loved her son. He’d given up so much of himself to be there for Henry. Late-night walks up and down the hall when Henry was a baby so that Ellie could get some sleep. The worried looks on Nick’s face whenever Henry had been sick. He’d gone to all the pediatrician appointments with her when Henry was a baby so she wouldn’t have to do it alone. Any time she’d

had to work overtime, Nick had always stepped in to be there for Henry. Not just Henry. Nick had also been there for her. She’d never done it alone because Nick had always been around. And she knew it wasn’t only because of Henry. She’d counted on Nick, first as her friend, her shoulder to lean on, her rock during her time of grief. Then, more recently, she realized something else had developed between them. They shared the same sense of humor about the dumbest things, and, oh, God, she loved laughing with him. She couldn’t imagine not having him to share in the everyday, mundane things in life. It had all been gradual, but she should have seen the signs. Maybe she’d tried to deny it, but she couldn’t anymore. Not after last night. She had to face the realization that she was in love with Nick. Like, totally, completely, heart-poundingly in love with Nick. She shifted her glance to Nick and Henry, the two of them talking about how to hang the ornaments. Nick was totally and completely ingrained in her life. In Henry’s life. She felt so selfish, as if she’d held Nick back

for the past five years. Who knew what kind of life he could have had if he hadn’t had to take care of her and of Henry? Tears pricked her eyes. “I’ll be right back,” she said. She made her way down the hall and into her room. She shut the door and went to sit on the bed, forcing the tears away. This was all wrong. She couldn’t let it happen. It was so unfair of her to shackle Nick with a woman and kid that he hadn’t chosen for himself. There was a soft knock on the door. “Ellie?” Just the sound of Nick’s voice was like a balm to her soul. Whenever she’d had sad feelings in the past, she could always talk about them with Nick. Except now, her feelings were about Nick. And she couldn’t even talk to Nick about how she felt. This was awful. The knock came again. “Ellie?” With a sigh, she said, “Yes.” “You okay?” She swiped at the tears that she realized had fallen down her cheeks. “I’m fine.”

Nick paused, but she knew he was still at the door. “You sure?” “Yes. I’m good.” “We’re ready to decorate the tree. You want to join in?” No, she didn’t want to join in. She wanted it to not be Christmas. She wanted to not have fallen in love with Nick. She also realized she couldn’t change any of the things she didn’t want. She inhaled a deep breath, then let it out. “I’ll be right there.” Then she thought for a minute. Actually, she might be able to change one thing. She washed her face, got it together, then opened the door and headed down the hall, putting on her fake happy face, because it was time to decorate the hell out of that tree—and her house—for Christmas. For Henry.

Chapter Fifteen Nick put the last of the gifts he’d wrapped under the tree while Henry was busy in the kitchen helping Ellie get dinner ready. He couldn’t believe it was Christmas Eve already. Then again, he’d been nonstop busy both at work and at home for the past week. Ellie had been pulling some double shifts because not only did babies not keep a schedule for when they decided to show up, but several of her coworkers had been on vacation. Fortunately, Ellie was off work the next couple of days, so she could finally kick back and relax. So could he, because they’d closed the auto shop as well. Now the only thing left to do was celebrate Christmas with Henry. Nick’s parents would be coming in tomorrow. He couldn’t wait to see them. Ellie had spent the better part of the day cleaning the house from top to bottom, though Nick had thought it looked fine. But she always did that when his parents came to town. The spare bedroom had been prepared for his mom and dad. There were fresh sheets and blankets on the bed, and the guest bathroom had been filled with clean towels.

Ellie had gone to the grocery store while Nick smoked a ham for dinner tonight. He’d kept Henry busy talking about his Christmas list, which had grown every day. “And a puppy and a parrot and a goat.” Nick arched a brow. “A goat, too?” “Yeah. They have beards. And they’ll eat anything, even whole cars.” He loved the kid’s imagination. “Is that right? And where would we keep a goat?” “He could stay in my room.” Nick slanted a concerned look at Henry. “What if he ate your toys?” Henry pondered that thought. “Oh. Maybe not a goat, then. But definitely a puppy.” Once Henry got the train set, he wouldn’t even notice that he didn’t get a puppy. Or at least Nick hoped so. Though getting a dog wasn’t a bad idea. Maybe in the spring, for Henry’s fifth birthday. Henry would be old enough to help take care of a dog, and he’d been asking for one for a while now. Nick would have to talk to Ellie about that. He stared out at the fresh blanket of snow that had fallen earlier today. He’d already talked to his parents, who’d told him their flight was still on

schedule. They’d be here midmorning tomorrow, which meant he and Ellie would be up early with Henry so he could open his gifts before Nick would have to drive to the airport to pick up his parents. It was going to be a perfect Christmas. “We’re ready in here, Nick,” Ellie said. He moved away from the window and headed into the kitchen. They were eating light tonight since they were going to roast a turkey with everything that went with that for tomorrow. Nick sliced the ham, and Ellie had bread for sandwiches, along with different cheeses, tomatoes, spreads, and some fresh fruit and vegetables. They carried everything into the dining room. “I’m so hungry,” Henry said as he climbed into his chair. “Me, too, buddy,” Nick said. “So don’t go eating all the food, okay?” “You don’t go eating all the food.” Ellie laid the rolls on the table. “I might eat all the food, so you two watch out.” Henry giggled. Nick had to admit he really was hungry. It didn’t hurt that everything tasted great. “The ham turned out perfectly,” Ellie said.

“Thanks. I think so, too.” “I’m eating mine in a sammich like yours, Uncle Nick,” Henry said. Nick finished chewing and took a swallow of water. “That’s because it’s better with all that cheese and lettuce and tomatoes on it.” Henry looked at his sandwich. “Mine just has cheese.” “Of course it does,” Ellie said, leaning over to press a kiss to Henry’s cheek. “Because you’re the king of cheese.” “That’s right,” Henry said. “You’ll learn how good the other stuff is, buddy.” “Momma isn’t having a sammich.” “Well, Momma’s missing out on the good stuff, too.” Ellie laughed. “Momma’s saving all her calories for tomorrow.” “What are calories?” Henry asked. Nick looked over at Ellie, punting that explanation to her. Ellie blew out a breath and launched into a simplistic explanation of how food is broken down in your body, and if you eat too much food it’s not

good for you. As always, she handled it perfectly. Her answer seemed to satisfy Henry, because he immediately asked if he could open his presents tonight. “No, we open presents on Christmas morning, honey,” Ellie said. “But there’s already presents under the tree, and if I opened those, that would make room for the ones Santa is gonna bring me tonight.” Way to be logical, kid. “But think how awesome it’ll be tomorrow morning when you get to open all your presents,” Ellie said. Henry looked at her. “Think how awesome it would be if I could open presents tonight and tomorrow.” Nick had to hide a smile as Ellie gave a helpless look in his direction. Obviously she was punting this one to him. “Hey, Henry, remember when we talked about family Christmas traditions?” “You mean like hanging stockings on the mantel and stuff?” “Yes. Opening our presents on Christmas Day is our family tradition.” “Oh.” He shrugged. “Okay.”

And just like that, the conversation was over and he was off on yet another topic. God, he loved that kid. They cleaned up after dinner and settled in front of the TV with some eggnog and hot chocolate and read The Night Before Christmas together, another family tradition from Nick and John’s childhood. They’d started it with Henry when he was an infant. They followed it up with watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Henry fell asleep midway through the movie, nestled between Ellie and him. Ellie looked over at Nick. “I think he’s out.” Nick picked him up and carried him into his room, slid him into his bed, and Ellie pulled the covers over him. She kissed him on the forehead and they closed the door. They’d wait a respectable amount of time before putting Henry’s gifts under the tree. “Want a glass of wine?” he asked Ellie. “I’d love one, thanks.” He went into the kitchen and pulled a Pinot Grigio from the wine fridge, poured a glass for Ellie, then grabbed a beer for himself. He handed the glass to her and they settled together on the sofa, this time without a four-year-old between

them. “Feel like another movie?” she asked. “Sure.” This time they chose a non-kid holiday movie. They went with Love Actually, which was one of Ellie’s favorites, though she typically cried at the beginning when Liam Neeson’s character’s wife died. No doubt it reminded her of losing John. Nick was always there to comfort her through it, and when she got past the funeral, she enjoyed the rest of the movie. This time, though, she stayed dry-eyed. A good sign. Though she could also just be going through the motions, too. She wasn’t falling apart, sure, but she wasn’t exactly brimming with happiness, either. Maybe he could fix that. “I’ll be right back.” He went into his room and retrieved the box he’d already wrapped. He’d intended to save it for tomorrow morning, but since it was just the two of them, it felt like the right time. He brought it out and laid it in her lap. Ellie grabbed the remote and paused the movie, then looked over at him. “What is this?”

“It’s your Christmas present.” “It’s not Christmas yet, Nick.” “I know. I just thought I’d give it to you early. While it’s just the two of us.” She looked down at the box, then up at him. “It’s not kitchen towels.” He laughed. “No, it’s not.” She pulled open the wrapping, then the box, revealing the silver bracelet he’d bid on and won at the auction. She picked up the bracelet and lifted it up in the light. “Oh, it’s so delicate and pretty.” “I thought it would look nice on your wrist.” She looked over at him. “It’s beautiful, Nick.” “Let me put it on you.” He fastened the bracelet on her wrist. He was right. It did look perfect on her. And the way she looked at him, her eyes warm with gratitude and maybe something else, told him he’d made the right choice. “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” She leaned into him. “No, really, Nick. I haven’t received a personal gift like this in a very long time. Thank you.”

He brushed his thumb over her lower lip. “You don’t have to thank me, Ellie. You have to know how I feel about you.” She stared at him, and he read the confusion in her eyes. Confusion maybe mixed with hopeful expectation? God, he hoped so, because he’d wanted to say the words for a while now. “I love you, Ellie.” And then he saw the surprise, momentary joy, and then the passion spark. “Nick…I…” He shook his head. “There’s nothing you need to say, okay?” She nodded, then smiled at him. She leaned into him and their lips met, their legs tangling together at the same time their tongues found each other. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed touching and kissing her. After that first night together, they’d both taken a step back. Or at least Ellie had. He knew they’d both been busy, and with Henry around, it wasn’t like they could put their hands on each other any time they wanted to. But damn if he hadn’t wanted to. Every minute of every day. All the time. It was all he thought about. He swept his hand under her sweater, eager to palm the skin of her stomach. He felt the quiver of her flesh under his questing fingers. And when he

moved up higher, cupping her breast over her bra, she moaned against his lips. His dick pounded hard and he surged against her, grabbing a handful of her butt to pull her closer. She felt so good, so lush, and all he could think about was sinking inside of her and getting so close to her that neither of them would know where one started and the other ended. She tugged on his hair, pulling her lips from his. “Bedroom.” He stood, taking her with him in his arms as he stalked down the hall toward his room. He pushed the door open, then shut it with his foot. He laid Ellie on his bed. She was already pulling her shirt over her head while he was toeing out of his shoes. He’d left the blinds open, and her body was bathed in moonlight as she hurriedly undressed in the middle of his bed. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He couldn’t get his clothes off fast enough. How often had he thought about this? Her, in his room, on his bed, naked? Too damned often. He grabbed a condom from his bathroom, then came back in and climbed onto the bed, pulling her body against his. She reached for him. The feel of her wrapping her hand around his cock was like a torturous blast

of heat. And when she stroked him, he thought he might die or go off right there in her hand. Nick had always prided himself on his self-control. With Ellie, he had none. Her body was a soft canyon of curves and valleys meant for the exploration of his hands and mouth. She tasted sweet in some places, salty in others, and the way she writhed against him when he licked along the soft curve of her hip was the best thing ever. There wasn’t any place on her body that he touched—or licked—that didn’t evoke a response from Ellie. She was eager and inviting and he could do this all night. But Ellie pulled him up so his body aligned with hers. “I’ve been thinking about the feel of you inside of me,” she whispered, then brushed her lips against his. That was all he needed to hear. He grabbed the condom, put it on, and pulled her against him so they lay side by side. She lifted her leg and wrapped it around his hip, surging against him. He fit himself inside of her and thrust, keeping his focus on her face as he moved within her. There was a beauty in Ellie’s face, in the honesty of her expressions, that defied words. It

was in the clear blue of her eyes, the way they seemed to say everything without her saying anything. He’d always been able to read her emotions through her eyes. When she was in pain, when she was worried, when she was sad, and when the little crinkles at the corner of her eyes that told him when she was happy. The look she gave him now was a deep, soulful look, as if she was trying to convey something that she couldn’t directly say to him. He couldn’t remember her ever giving him this look before. He was usually adept at deciphering her looks, but this one had him baffled. Maybe it was because he was inside of her and all he could think about was how damn good she felt. She swept her hand over his forehead, down his cheek, and across his jaw, sighing as he moved against her. “Nick.” “Yeah.” “I…” He waited. “Ellie, what is it?” Instead of answering, she kissed him, moaned against his lips, and lifted toward him with an urgency that made him forget she’d been about to

say something and hadn’t, because their easy movements became more frantic and her nails dug into his arm. Then she tightened around him and all he could feel was her, naked and alive and coming. He took her mouth as he came, their groans mingling and their mouths fusing as the storm of their passion rose, then fell. They stayed like that for a while, which suited Nick just fine because he liked having Ellie close enough to touch, to be able to smooth his hand down her arm and over her hip. He liked that every time she took a breath her breasts brushed against his chest. Eventually he moved away, disposed of the condom, and came back to bed. “I should go to my room,” she said. He tugged her close. “Stay for a while. I’ll wake you before dawn.” She laid her head on his shoulder. “Okay.” She was asleep within a few minutes.

Chapter Sixteen Ellie was in a panic. Not only because Nick was on his way back from the airport with his parents—with John’s parents—but also because last night had been so perfect, so utterly perfectly, that she didn’t know what to do about it. He’d told her he loved her. And then she’d reacted by making love to him, when she’d told herself it wouldn’t happen again. And it had been perfect. She was in love with Nick. She was in love with John’s brother. What would Steven and Laura think? They’d be horrified to think that she’d gone from one of their sons to another. It made her seem like some kind of…of… She didn’t even know what the terminology was for what she was doing. Gold digger didn’t fit since money wasn’t in the picture, though she had moved right into Nick’s house after John had died. And now, five years later, she was still here. Not that Nick was financially supporting her. She paid half the bills, paid for her own car, paid all of Henry’s expenses, but still…

She rested her head in her hands, feeling a massive headache coming on. She needed to move out. That would solve one issue. Because there was no way she was going to be able to keep her hands off Nick anymore if she stayed. She loved him. She wanted to be with him, and how was he going to have a life of his own if she was constantly clinging to him? He’d told her he loved her, but her conscience couldn’t allow that. She was just conveniently there. Once she was gone, he’d see that. It was time to carve out some independence for herself, anyway. Well past time, actually. She looked over at Henry, who was happily entranced with his new toys. She opened up her laptop and did a search for real estate. She’d want a place near Henry’s preschool and by the hospital to make it convenient for her. She typed in the parameters and it brought up several houses for sale. She scrolled through the listings, stopping at a few to look at the particulars. One wasn’t bad. It was a three-bedroom, two-bath brick home, only ten years old. It had a nice backyard for Henry, was in a great school district and near the hospital. She set up an account on the website and saved the house.

Henry laughed and she looked up to see him playing with his new train set. She glanced around the house, realizing how much this place had become home to her over the past five years. She loved the kitchen with its big double sink, loved the island, where she and Henry would often bake cookies together. She loved the living room with its big fireplace that kept them all toasty warm in the winter. And Henry’s room was so spacious and perfect with room for him to grow. The backyard had a jungle gym set and a sandbox and Henry loved playing out there. And as she looked over at her son, she realized this was the only home he had ever known. But he was a child, and he’d be happy as long as he was with her, right? Then she realized she’d gotten through Christmas Eve without falling apart. For the first time in five years, since the night John had died, she hadn’t sat in her room and cried. In fact, last night, Christmas Eve, she’d been making love with Nick instead of thinking about the husband she’d lost five years ago. What was wrong with her? It was so important that she keep John’s memory alive for Henry. And she couldn’t do that if she was in love with someone else.

She was doing the right thing. The door opened, so she closed her laptop and got up from the table. “Grandpa!” Henry got up and threw his arms around Steven. “Henry, it’s so good to see you. Merry Christmas.” “Santa came, Grandpa. Hi, Grandma. I got new trains. And books. And clothes and new Legos and action figures and games.” “Merry Christmas, Henry,” bending down to give him a hug.

Laura

said,

“Merry Christmas, you two,” Ellie said, coming over to hug both Steven and Laura. “I’m so glad you’re here.” “We’ve missed you, Ellie,” Steven said. “You look good.” “Thank you. So do you.” Steven was a mix of both John and Nick, just an older version. He wore glasses like John but had darker hair like Nick, though his was mixed with gray now. He was tall and bulky, but like Nick, he still bore a lot of muscle from his days working as a plumber. Laura, on the other hand, was curvy and vivacious and wore her dark brown hair short. She

was wearing skinny jeans and a red sweater, along with a beautiful pair of brown leather boots. “I love the boots, Laura.” “Do you? Thank you. I got them last month and I’ve worn them constantly. They’re so comfortable.” “Would you like something to drink?” “Coffee for me,” Steven said, sitting on the sofa as Henry brought him his collection of trains. “Ditto,” Nick said, slanting a half smile in her direction. “Coming right up,” she said, trying not to feel that ever-present flutter of butterflies whenever Nick gave her that look. She had to be strong. For Henry. “I’ll come with you,” Laura said as Ellie made her way into the kitchen. Ellie put water into the coffeemaker to brew a fresh pot, then poured herself a tall glass of water, because for some reason her throat had gone dry. “How’s everything going?” Laura asked. “Oh, about the same as always. Work and Henry.” Laura took a seat at the table while Ellie poured her a cup of coffee, then took two cups into

the living room for Nick and Steven. “Thank you, honey,” Steven said. “Yeah, thank you, honey,” Nick said, giving her that teasing smile again that made her stomach do flip-flops. “You’re funny, Uncle Nick,” Henry said. “You think so, buddy?” Nick asked. “Yeah. You called Momma honey.” “That’s because she’s sweet.” “She’s not sweet. She’s Momma.” Nick laughed, then gave Ellie that look again. If he kept looking at her like that, she was going to have to change out of her sweater and into a shortsleeved shirt. She took a seat at the kitchen table and turned to Laura. “Tell me what’s going on with you and Steven.” “Same as always. Though we’re thinking about a trip to Europe in the spring.” “Really? That sounds exciting.” “It is. I didn’t think I’d ever get Steven to agree to it, but you know how long I’ve wanted to see England and France and Italy. And I promised Steven he could tour all those golf courses in Scotland.”

Ellie smiled over the rim of her water glass. “Obviously the deciding factor for him, huh?” Laura laughed. “Obviously.” Ellie knew how much Steven loved to golf, so she wasn’t at all surprised about that. “Dating anyone?” Laura asked. Ellie nearly choked on her water. “Me? No. Of course not.” “Why ‘of course not’? It’s been five years, Ellie.” “I know.” Laura reached her hand over and squeezed Ellie’s. “No one loved that boy more than I did. Losing him devastated me. I know how much it did you, too. But I also knew him well, and he was more generous and giving than anyone I’ve ever known. And what he’d want for you is to be happy. And what that means, honey, is for you to have a life beyond him. A love beyond him.” She never expected to have this conversation with John’s mother. “I’ve been working on it. It’s… hard.” “I know it is. But you can’t hold on to him forever. Let him go, Ellie.” Tears pricked her eyes. Laura could say that now, but she didn’t think she’d understand if she

told her she’d fallen in love with Nick. So instead, she just nodded. “I’ll try.” Nick came into the kitchen with a wide smile, but as soon as he saw the tears in Ellie’s eyes, he frowned. “Hey, what’s going on?” She shook her head. “Nothing. It’s all good. You know how misty-eyed I get when your parents come to visit.” He looked at her like he didn’t believe her. But he shifted into a grin. “Yeah, I totally understand. My parents often made me cry, too.” “Hey,” his mother said. He laughed, then leaned over and kissed his mom on the cheek. “Love you, Mom.” They put Steven and Laura’s things into the guest room. Henry was hyped up about having his grandparents visit and spent the first hour talking their ears off. When Ellie went back to working on their Christmas dinner, Laura offered to help. Nick helped, too, and when it was time to carve the turkey, Nick was the one to take care of that. Ellie pushed aside all big thoughts and concentrated instead on enjoying family. It felt so good to have all of them sitting at the dining room table enjoying Christmas dinner together. “Dinner was so good, Ellie,” Steven said as he

pushed back from the table and rubbed his stomach. “I might not eat again until tomorrow.” “Or until pie is served,” Laura said with a knowing smile. “Or until pie is served,” Steven repeated with a grin. “What kind of pie are we having, Momma?” Henry asked. “Pumpkin and pecan and apple.” Henry gave her a wide-eyed look. “And I can have all of them?” Nick laughed. “No, buddy. You get to choose one.” Henry frowned. “Not fair.” Steven ruffled Henry’s hair. “And so reality begins.” Ellie laughed. “You don’t like pecan or pumpkin pie, Henry. Remember how apple pie is your favorite?” Henry scrunched up his adorable face as he considered that. “Oh, yeah. With ice cream, right?” Ellie nodded. “With ice cream.” They all cleared the table and put the leftovers away. Nick and Steven worked on washing dishes while Henry helped put the dried dishes away. At

least the unbreakable ones. As far as Ellie was concerned, it was never too early for a boy to learn that he could be useful in the kitchen. Then it was time for pie and ice cream and coffee. “You outdid yourself this year, Ellie,” Laura said as they cleared the dessert dishes. “Thank you. I’ve enjoyed the past couple of days. Not only did I have time off work, but it gave me a chance to do some holiday cooking.” “I’m sure you don’t have a lot of time for cooking, being busy with your job and with Henry.” She dried her hands on the dish towel, then leaned against the sink. “I have more free time than a lot of single mothers, thanks to Nick. He picks up a lot of the slack.” Laura smiled and glanced into the living room, where Nick and Steven sat on the floor with Henry, putting together one of Henry’s train sets. “He is pretty great, isn’t he?” Ellie suddenly wondered if Laura might be thinking the exact same thing that Ellie had been thinking lately—that she’d been taking advantage of Nick for far too long now. “I’m going to move out,” she blurted. Laura’s eyes widened in alarm. “What?

Why?” “Because it’s time for Nick to move on with his life, and he can’t do that with Henry and me living here.” Laura crossed her arms over her chest. “Has Nick complained about you living here?” “No. Never. But I just feel like…it’s been five years. And like you said, it’s time for me to move on. I need to do that for Henry.” Saying the words out loud made her heart ache, and she couldn’t help but look into the living room at Nick with Henry. “I see. And have you mentioned this to Nick yet?” She dragged her gaze away from Nick and planted it back on Laura. “No, not yet. I will after the holidays. I’ve already been looking at houses.” “You have?” She forced a smile she didn’t feel. “Yes. This will all work out great.” Laura looked into the living room, then back at Ellie. “I hope it does, honey. I really hope it does.” Henry was asleep. Nick’s parents had gone to bed and Ellie was taking a bath. Nick had finished the last of the dishes and was putting water in the

coffeemaker because he knew his dad was an early riser, so he wanted to make sure all Dad had to do was push the button in the morning. He got out a cup and went to set the sugar bowl near the coffeemaker, but his hand bumped the side and a little sugar spilled onto Ellie’s laptop. “Shit,” he whispered. He grabbed a paper towel and swiped the sugar off her laptop, then opened it up to make sure none of it had gotten inside. The screen booted up and he caught sight of a house. He saw that it was a real estate listing, a house near the hospital. He read the details. It was a perfect location for someone looking to find a place with a great school district, one that was near Henry’s current preschool as well as located near the hospital where Ellie worked. “Hey, did you make coffee?” Ellie came out wearing her Christmas pajamas. Red ones, with the Grinch on them. Her hair was pulled into a high ponytail, her cheeks flushed. Her feet were bare and her toenails were painted bright red. And dammit, he wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until the blush on her cheeks was from something other than a warm bath. But right now he had questions that needed answers.

“I spilled some sugar on your laptop so I opened it up to brush it off.” She looked at the laptop, then back at him. “Nick.” “Why are you searching real estate listings, Ellie?” She chewed her bottom lip, a sure signal she wanted to evade the question. “Just…looking at redecorating ideas.” “That’s such a load of bullshit.” She sighed. “Okay, fine. I’m going to find a place of my own and then Henry and I are going to move out.” She couldn’t have hurt him more if she’d have shoved a knife in his heart. It took him a second to catch his breath. “Why?” She looked at the laptop, not at him. “Because…because it’s time.” “Time for what?” “Time for me to be independent, to forge a life for Henry and for myself.” His stomach churned. “And you can’t do that here?” She finally looked at him. “No. I can’t.” That pain he felt got deeper, as if he could feel

his heart bleeding. “What happened between you and me has something to do with this decision, right?” She shook her head. “No. I don’t know. Maybe. Yes. What you and I did was a wake-up call for me. I need a new life, Nick. You need a new life. You need to move on with yours and I need to move on with mine. All you and I are doing is holding on to the past—with each other.” With every word she spoke, she gutted him. “So what you’re saying is that while you and I were making love, you were thinking about John?” Her eyes widened in horror. “No. Oh, God, Nick. No. Never.” “Then what the hell are you saying?” “I don’t know. Other than I don’t think we’re good for each other. I need…I need a new life. A fresh start. And you need to get out from under the responsibility of taking care of Henry and me. We have to get away from each other so we can see…” He waited. She didn’t say anything. “See what?” “Nothing. I just need to move out. Please try and understand.” “I am trying to understand, Ellie. I thought you and I had something.”

She paused for a few seconds, then looked down at her feet. “You thought wrong.” “That’s the biggest load of crap you’ve ever shoveled my way, Ellie Washington.” She looked surprised. “It is not.” “The hell it isn’t. You know, one of the things I’ve always admired about you—the reason I fell in love with you—is because you’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever known. I’ve never known anyone to bounce back stronger than you did when John died. God knows it was the hardest thing a woman could have to endure. There you were, pregnant and grieving, and you still went to work and carried a baby and gave birth and cradled and nurtured your son while mourning the loss of the man you loved. The brother I loved. And I had a front row seat for all of it.” She looked down at her feet. “I had you to help me through it.” He shook his head. “You’d have done fine without me to help you through it. Because you’re a strong woman. Until now.” Her head whipped up at his words. “Now you have a chance to grab happiness again—to have love again—and you’re running from it, Ellie. And even worse, you’re lying not only to me but to yourself.”

He moved toward her, wanting to make sure she felt a fraction of what he felt. He stopped right in front of her, so close their bodies nearly touched. “What you and I have isn’t just sex, Ellie. It isn’t fleeting. It’s five years of heartache and real feelings. You have a man who loves you and who loves your son and is waiting to give you a lifetime of love and happiness. And I’m pissed as hell that you’re willing to throw it all away because you’re too damn afraid to grab on to it for all it’s worth. “And frankly, I’m damn disappointed in you. I thought you were stronger than this. So you wanna run? Then go. I won’t ask a woman to stay with me, to be with me, who isn’t strong enough to fight for me or for what we could have together.” He backed away and moved to the other side of the table to get out of the kitchen, keeping as far away from Ellie as possible. He’d always thought he could read her, could tell what she was thinking by the look in her eyes. Tonight her eyes had been shifty and filled with lies. He didn’t know what the hell she’d been thinking. He’d been so wrong about her.

Chapter Seventeen Normally Ellie enjoyed taking time off work. But the couple of days she’d taken off for the holidays had been brutal, so she was happy to be back. She’d enjoyed spending time with Nick’s parents, of course, but there had been such a strain between Nick and her it had been unbearable. Nick’s parents were staying for a week, and he’d taken some time off to spend with them and with Henry, which was great for them. Ellie, on the other hand, couldn’t handle being around Nick, and she was certain he was going to tell his parents about their conversation. She knew she’d hurt him. It had devastated her to tell him the lies she’d told him. Not that he’d believed her lies, anyway. The one thing she could always count on with Nick was his ability to read her, to know her like no one ever had. He’d seen right through her. He knew how she really felt. Not that it made any difference. It was best for both of them to start fresh, to see where they could go without each other. Without each other. Just the thought of it

caused a stab of pain in her heart. “Ellie, you have a new patient checking in to room two twenty-four,” Fran said as she came into the break room. “Marion said to tell you she’ll be up from check-in in about fifteen minutes.” “Okay, thanks.” She blew out a breath. Fran plopped on the sofa next to her. “Long day?” “Not really.” “What’s wrong?” She lifted her head and smiled. “Nothing. Everything’s great.” Fran rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and I’m a size four. Spill it.” “I told Nick I was moving out.” “Why?” “I guess because I feel it’s time I move on.” “Move on from what? From the awesome life you and Henry have built with Nick? Move on from that gorgeous, stupidly perfect man who obviously cares for you? Move on from the great house in the ideal location, move on from the only father figure your son has ever known, a guy who, coincidentally, thinks your kid hung the moon? Stop me when I find the flaws here, okay?”

She frowned. “It’s wrong that I’m in love with him.” Fran laughed. “Wrong in what universe?” Ellie looked over at Fran. “He’s John’s brother.” “And who do you think is going to have a problem with that?” “I…I don’t know.” “Have you even told Nick how you feel?” “No.” Fran rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot. Go ahead and throw him away. Because I can guarantee you there will be women swarming that man like starving bees within minutes of you tossing him to the curb. And you know why? Because you’re stupid.” Ellie threw a frustrated look at Fran. “Aren’t you supposed to be my friend?” “I am your friend. Which is why I’m being brutally honest with you. You’re making a huge mistake. Now go tell Nick you love him and that you had a moment of utter stupidity, and then beg him to forgive you. Then ask him to marry you.” She clasped her hands together, holding them so hard she felt pricks of pain. “It’s not that simple.”

“No shit. Love never is. It’s hard and it hurts and often it’s awful. So go make it work with Nick.” Tears welled in her eyes. Everything Fran said —as brutal as it all was—made sense. What had she been thinking? She loved Nick. She should be moving heaven and earth to keep Nick in her life instead of pushing him away. “But…I don’t know, Fran. I’ve been working so hard on letting him go.” “Again…stupid.” She finally sighed, admitting defeat. “I’m scared.” Fran put her arm around Ellie’s shoulders. “Of course you are. You lost the love of your life once to a situation beyond your control. So don’t let the second love of your life get away due to a situation you can control.” She sniffled and shuddered in a breath. “His parents are there. He’s not speaking to me right now and they know something’s going on. Oh, God, they’re going to hate me for hurting him.” “They love you as much as he does. They’ll forgive you.” She turned and hugged Fran. “Thank you for being my friend.”

“Aww, honey, you’re welcome. Someday I’ll screw up royally with Mark and you’ll have the same conversation with me.” Ellie laughed. “I’ll always be here for you.” She cleaned up her mess of a face, then headed down the hall toward her new patient. She ended up having a good day at work, and after she’d helped deliver a baby boy in record time, she put on her coat, intending to drive home. Instead, she found herself at the cemetery. She pulled over at the curb and walked the steps over to John’s grave, happy they decided on installing the bench in front of his gravesite. That had been Nick’s idea. He’d told her she might want to sit and talk with him. She’d done that a lot the first couple of years, first talking to him about the growing baby in her belly, and then telling him stories about how much Henry had grown, when he’d gotten his first tooth, how cute he looked when he was learning to crawl, how smart he was, and how much she knew he’d love him. The visits had grown less frequent over the years, but she’d always come at least a few times a year. She sat at the bench and wrapped the scarf around her neck. “It’s cold today,” she said, staring at the

cement headstone emblazoned with her husband’s name. “But the sun’s out and there’s no wind, so it’s not too bad.” She knew she was stalling. Get on with it, Ellie. She clasped her hands together. “I have something to talk to you about. I know we typically talk about Henry, but this time it’s about Nick. I know this might not be something you want to hear, but I’ve always been honest with you.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve fallen in love with Nick. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did. And now that it has, I realize he’s been there for me ever since I lost you. He was right there with me that night you died, and he took care of me the entire time I was pregnant with Henry.” She smiled. “He was in the delivery room when Henry was born. He told me Henry looked like you. You see, he loves you and misses you as much as I do, John. But somewhere along the way, our love for you grew into love for each other. And I’ve been doing some thinking on that and I think that maybe you played a part in it. That maybe you wanted this to happen. “Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part, but I know you’d want someone kind and honorable and honest and trustworthy to be a father

to Henry. And I can’t think of anyone who fills those qualities more than Nick. He loves Henry as much as you would have. And Henry loves him so much.” She fought the tears, but they fell despite her efforts. “I miss you and I’ll love you every day for the rest of my life, John, but I have to let you go. I know you wouldn’t want me to mourn you forever. I know you’d want me to move on, so I’m going to love Nick, and I’m going to let Nick be a father to Henry. I mean, Henry will always know who his real father is. Nick wouldn’t have it any other way. But Henry needs a strong father figure in his life, and I think you’ll be happy that it’s Nick. Just like I hope you’ll be happy for Nick and me.” She stood, then kneeled down in front of John’s headstone. She took her gloves off, pressed her fingers to her lips, and pressed her fingers to the headstone. “Good-bye, John.” She got up and walked away and, for the first time, felt a lifting in her heart, as if her husband had given her his blessing to move on. Just then the sun hit her face and she felt a blast of warmth. She couldn’t help but feel that it was John, giving her his last kiss.

Chapter Eighteen Nick had done his best to entertain his parents and Henry during the few days he’d been off work, but after what had gone down with Ellie, he couldn’t hide his foul mood. They’d gone to the Magic House today, and Henry’s impatience to do what he wanted when he wanted had gotten on Nick’s last nerve. So when he’d wanted to go get something to eat and Nick had snapped at him that he’d have to wait, Henry tilted his head. “You’re grumpy, Uncle Nick. You prolly need a nap.” Nick looked to his parents for help. His mother tried to hide a smile, while his dad took Henry’s hand to go get something to eat. “That’s not helping, Dad,” Nick said as his dad waved to him behind his head and walked off with Henry. “You are grumpy,” his mother said as they walked down a hallway and leaned against a railing. “I am not.” He blew out a breath, trying to gather himself together. “Okay, maybe a little. I’m just…tired.”

His mother looked at him. “Tired? Or is it something else? Like something to do with Ellie?” His mother had always been perceptive, which was sometimes good, and often bad. “I don’t want to talk about it.” “Too bad. What’s going on with the two of you?” “Nothing, Mom. Nothing anymore, anyway.” “Which means what, exactly?” He shrugged. “I thought we had something. And then she told me she was moving out.” “Hmm. She told me that, too.” He gaped at her. “She told you she was moving out? When?” “Christmas day.” He shook his head. “Great.” “You do realize she’s in love with you.” He laughed. “Yeah. Sure she is. That’s why she’s taking Henry and moving out.” His mother grasped his arm. “Nick. Pull your head out of your ass. She’s scared. She already lost someone she loved more than life itself. Falling in love again has to terrify her. And you’re John’s brother. The familial connection has to be doubly terrifying.”

“That makes no sense. It’s not like John died of cancer. It was an accident.” “Love isn’t always logical. Neither is fear. And she probably thinks that because she moved in with you right after John died, everyone will think she chose you because you were convenient.” He cast an eye roll at his mom. “Oh, gee, thanks.” “Hey, I don’t think that. I know you’re amazing. She knows you’re amazing. But she’s also scared of her own feelings. So cut her some slack and give her some time to come to the realization that she can’t live without you.” Nick just shook his head. “Ellie’s pretty good about doing what she sets out to do. If she says she’s moving out, then she’s moving out.” His mom tapped him on the chin. “Hey, here’s a news flash. You’re not always right.” Nick thought about what his mom said as they drove home. Henry passed out on the way home, but he woke up when they pulled into the driveway and decided he was hungry. “Can we have spakettie for dinner?” Henry asked. “Spaghetti,” Nick corrected. Henry frowned. “That’s what I said, Uncle

Nick.” Nick wasn’t in the mood to argue. “I don’t know. We’ll see.” “Are you still grumpy, Uncle Nick?” Nick shook his head. “Nope.” “You sound grumpy.” His mother smothered a laugh and he glared at her. They walked through the door and Ellie was there. She’d already changed out of her scrubs and into a pair of leggings and a long sweater. She looked beautiful, which only made the situation worse. “Nick. Oh, hi.” “We went to the Magic House, Momma,” Henry said, throwing his arms around her. Ellie’s eyes brightened as they always did when she saw Henry. She hugged him, then got down on her knees to look at him. “You did? How fun.” “Now I’m hungry. Can we have spakettie?” Ellie switched her gaze to Nick. “Actually, I’d like to talk to your uncle Nick.” “Uh, why don’t Steve and I take Henry out for dinner if that’s okay,” Laura said.

“Oh, boy, can we, Momma?” Henry asked. Ellie cast a thankful look at Laura. “That sounds great. Thank you, Laura.” Laura gave Ellie a reassuring smile. “You’re welcome.” Nick handed the keys over to his dad, who patted him on the shoulder, smiled at Ellie, then took Henry out the door and closed it behind them. Ellie looked down at her shoes. Nick waited for her to say something. When she didn’t, he shrugged, heading for his room. “I went to the cemetery today.” He stilled, then turned around. “That’s good. We didn’t go Christmas Eve like we usually do. Sorry about that.” “You’re not responsible for me, Nick. I don’t ever want you to think you have to be.” “Okay. I’m not responsible for you. I think you made that clear the other day.” She sighed. “I went to the cemetery to tell John about you and me. And to say good-bye.” He knew what John had meant to her. He took a few steps toward her. “That must have been hard.” “Not as hard as I thought it would be.” She

took several steps toward him. “I told John I loved you. I love you, Nick. And I’m sorry I said I was moving out.” He saw tears in her eyes. And she was twisting her fingers. She always did that when she was nervous. “I’m scared, Nick. I’m so scared of losing someone I love. I let you slip away from me.” He closed the distance between them and pulled Ellie against him. “You will never lose me, because I’ll never let you go.” He kissed her, absorbing her tears with his lips. His hands roamed over her body as if he was memorizing the feel of her, as if he let her go she might disappear. When he pulled back, he looked at her, making sure she was looking back. “I love you, Ellie.” She sobbed, clutching on to him like a lifeline. It wasn’t the first time he’d held her while she cried. He’d done it countless times before. But this time, she was crying happy tears, and damn did it feel good. “I love you. I love you,” she said, over and over. “It feels so good to tell you I love you.” She held his face and kissed him over and over. “It feels good to be loved.” “Ellie, you’ve always been loved. You’ve never been alone.”

She laughed. “I told John that I had a feeling he had something to do with you and me falling in love.” He’d always been close with John. Losing him had devastated him. He didn’t think he’d ever be happy again after John died. But he tended to agree with Ellie on this one. If anyone could orchestrate the two people who meant the most to him falling in love, it would have been his brother. He tipped Ellie’s chin. “You might be right. He wouldn’t have wanted either of us to be alone.” “I also told John that you’re going to be an excellent father to Henry.” Now it was his eyes that welled with tears. “I love Henry.” She laid her head on his shoulder. “I know you do. And he loves you.” He laughed. “Though he told me today that I was grumpy and needed a nap.” She tilted her head back. “You were grumpy?” “Yeah. I’ve been kind of out of sorts the past few days.” “I’m sorry.” “It’s okay.” “How about I make it up to you,” Ellie said.

“Will you marry me?” His eyes widened, his heart slamming against his chest. “Wait. What? Are you serious?” “I am very serious. We’ve more or less been dating the past five years, Nick. It’s not like we need to get to know each other better.” He smiled. “I guess you’re right. Ellie, are you sure?” “I love you, Nick. Do you love me?” “Yes. God yes.” “Then marry me.” Nick pulled her into his arms. “Okay, but first, I’m going to have to ask Henry’s permission.” Ellie’s heart nearly exploded with joy. “I have a feeling I already know what his answer is going to be.” He put his arm around her. “So do I. Let’s go meet my parents and Henry for dinner, ask Henry’s permission, then let my parents in on it, too.” “Sounds like a plan.” They grabbed their coats and got into the car to drive over to the restaurant. As Ellie watched the snow come down, she realized this was the first Christmas season since John died that she felt happy. Not just happy but deliriously in love and

looking forward to a future—a new beginning with the man she loved. Five years ago, one Christmas had signaled what she thought was the end of her life. This Christmas, she had fallen in love and started a new chapter. And she knew from now on, every Christmas would be filled with wonderful new memories.

About Jaci Burton Jaci Burton is a USA Today and New York Times bestselling author who lives in Oklahoma with her husband and dogs. She has three grown children who are all scattered around the country having lives of their own. A lover of sports, Jaci can often tell what season it is by what sport is being played. She watches entirely too much television, including an unhealthy amount of HGTV, which has given her the ‘let’s remodel every room in the house’ bug. When she isn’t on deadline, Jaci can be found at her local casino, trying to become a millionaire (so far, no luck). She’s a total romantic and loves a story with a happily ever after, which you’ll find in all her books. Connect with Jaci online to learn more about her upcoming titles www.jaciburton.com https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJaciBurton https://twitter.com/jaciburton

Table of Contents Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen About Jaci Burton