MY SOLDIER A MILITARY ROMANCE
Leah Holt Copyright © 2016 Leah Holt All rights reserved. MY SOLDIER: A MILITARY ROMANCE is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual
persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Table of Contents Copyright Page My Soldier Connect with Leah! Also from Leah Holt: Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-One Chapter Twenty-Two Chapter Twenty-Three Chapter Twenty-Four Chapter Twenty-Five Chapter Twenty-Six Chapter Twenty-Seven Epilogue The End
Dedication About Leah Holt Connect with Leah! Also from Leah Holt:
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Also from Leah Holt: Chained: A Bad Boy Romance SLAM: A Bad Boy Romance Come Home Bad Boy His Price: A Billionaire Romance
Prologue Footsteps, I could hear them pounding behind me. My heart was racing, matching the rhythmic thumping of hard soles against the pavement. Whipping my eyes over my shoulder, the street was still barren. Am I going crazy? They were there, I heard the steps clear as day. Gripping my chest, I tried to stop my heart from beating right out of my body. I could have sworn there was someone coming up quick behind me. But no one was around, the only shadows were ones cast off the streetlights onto the abandoned cars parked against the curb for the night.
Why did I decide to walk home? I could have called a cab, a few old friends even offered to drive me; but really I just wanted to be alone, I needed to be alone. After today, I deserved a little quiet for me to get my thoughts together. I was still in a daze, and I wasn't ready to accept what was thrown at my family. It was all too much, it couldn't be real. It had to be just a bad dream, and I wanted to wake up. Except it wasn't a dream, it was my reality. Twining my fingers into the small black clutch in my hands, I pulled it up close to my waist and picked up the pace. The clicking of my heels echoed
off the tall buildings, each step sending a wave of fear through my spine. I was melting into the emotions streaming throughout my body. My head was pounding, warping into a numbing sensation that forced my sight into a hollow tunnel. My eyes kept darting around the blackness, honing in on the empty spaces before me. My house was only another ten minutes away by foot, but the sky had grown dark with a blink of my lids. Turning the corner to head up Clark Mill Rd, I felt like I was being watched. Looking around behind me, twisting my head left to right, there was still not another soul around. The thought of peering eyes in the darkness sent shivers
across my skin, the hair on the back of my neck standing up tall. I didn't like the feeling that was encasing my body. I had this horrible image of an unknown figure trolling my body as I walked home alone. Stop, you're just exhausted. It's been a really long, emotional day. Shaking my head, I flicked my gaze to the ground and pressed on. Passing an old beat up green truck, I didn't make it one more step before I felt the icy touch of steel against the side of my neck. A large thin hand spread across my shoulder, wrapping its long fingers over my mouth. A muffled scream hit the back of my throat, the sound drowned
out and softer than I expected from the unknown gag. “Scream and I'll slit your throat right here.” A raspy voice floated into my ear, the faceless man's lips hovered just above the curve of my lobe. “Walk.” Shoving me forward, he slid the hand with the knife from my neck to my lower back. The sharp edge was pressed forcefully into my skin, piercing the fabric. A burning sensation radiated up my spine. The man guided me towards an alley, the thin tunnel was blacker than the night sky. The mere glimmer of the streetlights shined off the brick walls around us. The buildings on either side of us were windowless, and the deeper he forced
me inside, the less light filtered in off the street. Holding my arms tight against my chest, I could feel my heart beat fierce, my entire body warming with fear. Fuck! What the hell does this guy want? Is he going to rape me? Please don't let him rape me! I was trying to muster up the strength to tell him to take my purse, he could have all my money, I just didn't want him to violate me. That was the scariest thought, to be brutally assaulted by a man I didn't know. “Move!” He yelled, his voice was strained and hoarse. I couldn't see him, but I could feel his head flicking rapidly side to side behind me.
“Please, take my money. You can have it, just don't hurt me.” “Shut up, Bitch.” Pushing me harder, my body jerked forward as we moved further into the alley. “Say one more word and I'll fucking kill you.” Closing my lips tight, I pulled slow breaths in through my nose. I felt like I was on the edge of having a panic attack. My chest was heavy, my throat was thinning like it was swelling as I tried to force oxygen into my lungs. I've only had this feeling one other time in my life, and that was three weeks ago. A knock at the door that changed my world forever. I've always been a nervous person at times, which I hated. But I wasn't a
weak, frail woman, this was just so far out of my control it scared the shit out me. Throwing my body forward, he pressed me up against the wall. The brick was cold against my cheek, my skin turning raw from the small sharp edges of stone. And the smell; the smell of brick was something I'd never forget. It smelled earthy, like hot dirt during the summer. I could hear his heavy breaths over my shoulder as he leaned his face in. The warm air he expelled sent my stomach into a ball of knots, the taste of battery acid rising up and coating my tongue. I wanted to throw up, but I swallowed down hard, pressing the urge
back. This guy was fucking insane, and I didn't want to piss him off anymore than he already seemed. His body pushed against mine, forcing me deeper into the brick. “You're a lot prettier than I expected. The resemblance is there, but you wear those pretty little freckles so much better than him.” “What? Who are you?” I had no idea what he was talking about, but his voice made my stomach turn. “What do you want? I said you could have my money.” “Yeah, and I plan on taking you up on the offer. But I'm tempted to use you for something else. That ass could be worth a hell of a lot more, Baby.” I heard him
slurp through his teeth, the grizzly sound slicing the air and hitting my brain. My lip curled in disgust, nostrils flaring as my fear started to turn into anger. “Go fuck yourself, Asshole.” His fingers slammed into my hair, tearing my face away from the coarse surface. “You better watch that mouth, I've been really nice so far. Don't piss me off.” Nice!? This was being nice? In what world could a man think he was being nice when he held a knife to my throat and had me pinned against a wall? As much as I spent a lot of my life feeling nervous, afraid of danger or getting into trouble; this man, this piece
of shit holding me here, he opened the vault. I was raised to stand up for myself, and not take any shit. At least that's what my brother taught me to do. My temper had always been something I could tame, and for years I only unleashed that anger on those closest to me. Especially Kevin, he was always good at pushing my buttons. Then again, don't all siblings do that the best? “You call this nice?” I asked, head arched back, eyes forced up towards the sky. “Wow, no wonder you need to get pussy by force.” His fingers wrapped deeper around my roots, slamming my face forward into
the wall. Letting out a gasp, I felt my cheek begin to pulse with pain. “I told you to watch that mouth, if you want to leave in one piece I suggest you start listening.” “What do you want?” Rocking my jaw, I tried to shake off the throb stabbing my face. “It's not so much what I want, it's what you're going to give me.” Bringing the knife up, he slid it across my jawline, twisting it gently against my skin. “Will you just tell me what the fuck you want?” Breathing in slowly, I tried to keep my composure. He wanted me to fear him, he wanted to see me fear him.
I could hear him smiling as he spoke after he cracked my head into the wall. “Let me start by saying what you're giving me is something that's been owed to me for a really long time.” Twirling me around, he snapped his jaw to the side. I couldn't see him well, the shadows around us made him faceless. But I could make out his eyes, and they were lifeless. Evil, evil was a better word. There were no emotions behind the glossy stare of the faceless man; only empty pits of blackness. “How do I owe you anything?” I asked, hands pressing firmly against the wall. Feeling around, I was hoping to
find a pole, a stick, anything that might be resting near me to hit him with. “You are Avni, right?” I felt my heart leap into my throat. How does he know my name? I certainly didn't know who the fuck this guy was... Did I? No. But he knew my name, and I had no idea how. My arms began to tremble, muscles turning to ice as my name came out of his mouth. “How do you know who I am?” The words squeaked out mostly composed of air, my mind twirling in an attempt to put a face with the voice. But I didn't know the guy, I had never heard his voice before in my life.
“Let's just say I started looking at your family a few weeks ago, and since you resemble your brother so nicely...” Pausing, his fingers spidered their way across my shoulder, tugging on the strands of hair dangling by my neck. “I thought I'd start with you first.” Scrunching down to avoid his touch, I threw an arm up and batted his hand away from my face. “Don't fucking touch me.” Eyeing the shadowed figure, I spoke through gritted teeth. “Why the fuck are you talking about my brother?” This was the last thing I needed to hear today; of all days, not today. “Me and Kevin, we go back awhile. Now it looks like me and you are going to get to know each other too.”
Having this creep say my name was disgusting, but hearing him mention my brother's name, that sent a whole new set of feelings streaming to life. My blood began to boil, hitting the veins and trying to break through the surface. I felt it rush through my face, heating my cheeks. Despite the cool night air, sweat beaded up on my neck, trickling down between my shoulders. “Unless you plan on actually stabbing me with that fucking blade of yours,” I spat, shoving him with a strength I didn't know existed. “You can fuck off.” “Wow, you have a filthy little mouth.” Throwing his arm up to block me from stepping to the side, he raised
the knife between my eyes. “Now it's time for you to listen.” With the shiny blade reflecting a light sheen, I halted any movement. It was just us in this alley, no one else. And if he really wanted to kill me, no one would hear me scream. I wasn't ready to have my world end. And there was no way in hell I was going to let it end like that. My life was not his to take.
Chapter One Levi Maybe I had too much to drink, or maybe it was just the fact that those guys were being real fucking assholes, either way, I'd seen enough. Stepping off the sidewalk, I approached the small group from the side. “Hey! Back off her!” The yell bubbled up from deep inside, boiling over the edge and hitting my lips. The man in the center turned his neck slowly, head cocking a hair to his shoulder. “Fuck off, man. This doesn't involve you.” His finger lifted, pointing in my direction.
He was one ugly motherfucker. A thin mustache rode his upper lip, wisps of hair crawling over the edge. The guy had a tattoo of a star under his right eye with small sparks that burst towards his brow. I didn't like how he looked, and I certainly didn't like how he was threatening that young woman. Her eyes were large as the moon, fear and anger were painted across her pupils. She was standing tall, back pressed firmly against a green truck, and no escape. “It involves me now, Asshole. So walk away, take your little cronies with you and head off.” Shooing him with my hand, I forced my chest up, muscles hardening beneath my shirt.
“Seriously, you need to mind your own fucking business. This bitch has a dirty mouth on her, and I'm going to teach her a lesson.” His lip curled to the side, baring a spotted grin. He's even uglier when he smiles. That fucker had really started to piss me off. He wanted to teach some woman a lesson? I was planning on giving him one of my own. I didn't care that he had two other guys standing by his side... No one was going to talk that way to her, to me, to anyone. Lunging forward, I brought my face inches from the prick. “I'm going to tell you one more time.” Balling my fists, I spoke through gritted teeth. “Get the fuck away from her.”
Flicking his eyes towards his friends, his smile grew more devious. The man over his left shoulder nodded his head, a thin smirk spreading to one side. Pulling his head back, the bastard cleared his throat, jerking forward he spit in my face. Raising my wrist to wipe away his remnants, I shook my head side to side, softly tisking him under my breath. A switch had just flipped on in my brain, turning me from the man I was into the animal we all have laying dormant deep inside. In one violent swing, my knuckles cracked against his jaw. I could hear the sharp break of bone, the sound echoing like glass against the pavement.
Dropping to his knees, he cupped his chin. Before he could utter another word, a groan, a fucking scream, I kneed him in the face. He had just challenged the wrong fucking dude, at the worst time. The alcohol had coated my brain, any rational thinking had flown out the window the instant he spat in my face. A man can tolerate a lot of shit, but that... It's fucking disgusting. The man who had so smugly nodded at his friend was standing with his fists held high. He looked like he was about to demand my milk money and threaten me with a swirly if I didn't give him what he wanted.
Anger had wriggled its thin fingers into my spine. I was ready to fight, I'd fight them all if I had to, especially if it kept that girl safe. Nothing scared me, not at this point in my life. I'd seen enough shit to turn even the strongest man ghost white. Crunching my fingers into my palm, I worked the stinging out. Shoving away the pain, I reached out and grabbed the asshole by his collar. The guy's hair was blonde, shining under the streetlight. His greasy locks fell down into his eyes, pupils enlarging to the trim of color. I couldn't tell exactly what shade they had been, green, maybe blue. It was hard to tell, the black had taken over his irises.
Pulling him into my face, I snarled under my breath. “Do you think you can take me? Huh?” My nose rested so close to his I could smell his rancid breath, the mix of gin and sour milk clawed its way into my senses. Suddenly, his eyes darted over my shoulder. From the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of something shiny, then everything went black. *** A pain engulfed my eyes, burning into my forehead. Slowly, I peeled them open, blinking rapidly. My mind was blank, a pure empty space filled with
nothing but a sharp stabbing pain that kept twisting into my skull. Fuck! What the hell happened? Draping my palms over my face, I tried to block out the light. It seemed to make my head feel worse, enhancing the blade twisting deep into the bone. Pulling myself up onto my elbows, I tried to hold my lids open. A hazy fog was coating my sight, making it difficult to see where I was. Rubbing my eyes, I forced my vision to straighten, pulling the doubled images back into one. I was laying on a couch covered with a floral fabric, a small glass coffee table rested beside me. Sitting on top, there was a tall glass of water,
bandages, an ice pack, and a bottle of rubbing alcohol. Where the fuck am I? And what the hell happened? I was trying to remember what had gone down, and why my head hurt so damn bad. Slowly something started to trickle in, it was a face. A woman, a beautiful woman. Her large brown eyes, twinkling with emotion was hanging in my head, hair that was so black it shined a deep blue. Who is she? Why was she the fixed image in my mind? Turning to my side, I felt the glass. It was cold, small ice cubes were still melting inside, water droplets were falling slowly over the surface. Gripping
my hand around the base, I brought the cup to my lips. The cool liquid hit my throat, drowning out the scratchy feeling riding inside. “Good, you're finally awake.” The soft voice came at me from behind, hidden in the shadows. Emerging under the glow of the lamp beside me, a form stepped into view. “I wasn't sure how long you'd be out for.” Straining my neck to look up, her body took shape. My eyes followed her legs up to the diamond cutout where her thighs crossed each other. The tight jeans hugged her hips, dipping in over her curves. A thin space of flesh peeked out between her pants and the second skin she wore as a shirt.
Tight and snug against her tits, the neck scooped down, her breasts pushing out over the trim. Lengthening her leg, she swooped in closer. And that's when her face came into view, it was her, the woman who was plastered in my mind. Her soft skin held a yellow glow from the bulb in the lamp, cheeks tinted with a slight pink. As she brought her face lower, I was struck by how broad her lashes were, spanning the entire length of her lids. “I... Well...” The words wouldn't flow from my head to my mouth. Between the surging pain in my brain and the stunning woman beside me, I was a jumbled mess. There was no
recollection yet of what happened, why I was there, or who she was. Nothing was forming in my mind, I was still a blank canvas. Stumbling on my tongue, I tried to sit up. “Shh, don't hurt yourself more trying to talk. You took one hell of a blow to the skull.” Her long fingers reached for the ice pack, lifting it to my head. “What happened? How long was I out?” Cringing to the cold touch, I raised my hand to my head. My hair was damp, an enormous mound of flesh was protruding off the base of my neck. Pulling my fingers away, I looked down and saw red. Blood, I was fucking bleeding. What had I gotten myself into?
“Well, you took a pipe to the head. This jerk-off named Red, he cracked it over you right before you could knock out his other friend.” “What? Why? Why would I do that? I remembered having a few drinks at the bar, but fuck, after that there's nothing.” Arching a brow, I looked up at the soft faced woman. She looked sympathetic and grateful all that the same time. Her eyes dipped in, brows lowering into the bridge of her nose. Her glossy plump lips pulled back in a thin smile. The beautiful woman was holding her hands against her thighs, rapidly tapping her fingers. But who was she? Why was I here with her swelling in the brain, and
having a moment of amnesia? And fighting? While I'm not innocent in the world of throwing fists, I hadn't been in a brawl for a long time. I couldn't, it wasn't allowed. If I got caught, or arrested... My entire career could be at risk. So what would drive me to completely dismiss that? “For me.” Her eyes fell to the floor, shifting between the rug and the small thing I think was her dog. It was hard to tell, the furry bundle laying at her feet was no bigger than a damn softball. “And you are?” I asked, reaching for the stack of white gauze to wipe my fingers off. The small critter jumped
onto its feet, barking, and nipping at my wrist. Yup, that's a dog. “Mr. T, quiet.” Picking up the dog, she held him to her chest. “Sorry, hold on, I'll put him in my room.” Walking away briefly, she was gone for only a second. The muffled sound of the tiny animal yipping behind a door barely made its way through the wood. “Sorry about him, he's a little protective of me.” “Yeah, I can tell. It's a good thing you have such a big, vicious dog to keep you safe.” Chuckling under my breath, I pressed up further on the couch. “And his name is Mr. T?” “Careful, don't sit up too fast.” Throwing her hands out, she pressed them into my shoulders. “You might have
a concussion, Red hit you pretty hard.” Stepping to the table, she sat on the glass top, folding her hands together in her lap. “You probably could use a stitch or two, but I cleaned you up the best I could. And I used those butterfly stitches to close up the wound.” “Thank you, I'm sure it's fine.” “Don't thank me, it's the least I could do. Shit, I should be thanking you, you saved my ass.” “I hate to ask this again, especially if I should know your name. But you are?” Had we met before? There was a familiar feel to this woman, something I couldn't pin exactly. But it was there, resting in my chest like lead.
Was it just as simple as we passed each other in a store? Had we brushed shoulders while walking in opposite directions? I couldn't fit her face into a memory, but it was there. “Oh, sorry. I'm Avni, and no, you didn't know my name. You don't know me at all actually, but you gave those guys something to think about. So thank you.” Rubbing my temples, I tried to force my memory back into my brain. I didn't like this feeling, not knowing what the fuck I had just done. I should have known better than to drink Jack; we don't mesh well at all.
A few sips of a single glass and I'm happy as a pig in shit, hit a few tall glasses, and I'm a raging testosteronefueled bull. But it was a night of celebration, I was home. And I was glad to be home. Normally when that call came for deployment, I was always ready. A soldier for life, that's who I was; serve our country, give every American what they deserve. Their freedom. I had just come home after serving six months over seas. A long vacation would be great, but it didn't matter. If my sergeant called me tomorrow I'd be back on that plane, ready to do what was needed.
It was easy for me, not going to war, but fighting for what's right. War was never easy; fuck what I've seen, what I've been through... What I've done. The question I've been trying to answer for myself; the one I hoped would never nail itself into my chest... Was it worth the price? I joined the Army by choice, and that choice is what drove me to keep going. I felt lucky to even have the option to choose. There are people out there in the world who never had that, they never had a voice of their own. I wish I could hold onto that thought. It's hard to hold onto one image
when you've tainted your own and dirtied your hands. “Avni, that's different. Pretty, but different.” “Yeah, well my parents were hippies, so, you know.” Cracking a light giggle, she motioned holding a joint and taking a hit. “What's your name?” “Levi, and I guess it's possible my parents named me after the jeans, but I never asked.” My lip tugged to my ear, shoulders raising in mock uncertainty. As we sat there laughing, images and memories of the night flooded my brain. Rubbing my forehead, I closed my eyes tight. “You alright?” Avni asked, her fingers pinching my arm lightly.
That single touch filled my entire body with chills, the buzzing starting in my toes and hitting my gut instantly. What the hell? Shaking my head, I forced the unexpected feeling away. “Yeah, I'm fine. The night is finally trampling through my mind. I remember now, you... The guys by the truck.” Letting my head fall back on the pillow, forearm draping over my hair, I said, “The fuckface who had you pinned there like a trapped animal.” Gritting my teeth, they ground hard together. “Yeah, that...” Her words trailed off, head tipping towards the ceiling. “I really appreciate the help.” Avni's fingers spun wildly together, wrapping into a knot.
“What was that all about anyway? Did you know those guys?” Wrinkles rode up across my skin hitting the hair line, brows arching high. Avni's lips pursed tight, jetting to the side. “Yes and no, kinda— It's—” Taking a deep breath, her shoulders slumped forward. “Don't worry about it, just thank you for helping me.” “I took a pipe to the head, you could at least give me a little understanding as to why.” “And I dragged you back here, which wasn't easy mind you,” she said, snapping a finger in the air. “And I fixed you up, I think we can call it even.” A light laugh hit my chest, picturing this small framed woman trying to drag
me, unconscious, back to her place. I wondered how much worse the lump on my head had gotten from being bounced across the hard pavement. “You want to call it even? Usually if a girl drags me back to her place I get laid, or at least a blowjob.” A thin smile spread across my face, eyes veering down my nose. “Then I might see this as even.” “Ha!” She laughed out loud, mouth holding open as her neck tilted back. “I could have just ran off like the assholes who had me cornered. But I didn't, instead I did what I thought was right, and got you back here.” Holding my arms up, palms facing out, I said, “I was out cold, you didn't
give me an option. But... I do know a little pussy goes a long way. It could help me feel so much better, maybe kick this headache right out.” Opening my eyes wide, my lips folded to pout. “Yeah, probably not. But nice try, I'll give you that.” Nudging my shoulder, she smiled big. This woman was gorgeous, and if she had said, 'Sure I'll fuck you,' I wouldn't have second guessed her decision. The only thing keeping my head from imploding inside my skull was the idea of fucking her. Just the thought of having her, tasting her, making her cream all over my cock, was enough to keep my nerves from
shocking the shit out of my brain and turning it black. “Well the offer stands anytime, Princess. I'll be here all night.” “Oh really, you plan on crashing on my couch? I don't remember saying you could.” “You don't want to send me outside with a concussion, and feeble legs do you? What if I lose balance and stumble into the street? Hmm? How would you feel then?” Winking, I scooted down on the cushion, resting my hands over my chest. “Don't try and pull the guilt trip on me, it won't work.” Avni wagged her finger like a scolding mother. “But yes, I wasn't going to let you leave until I knew
you were alright.” Standing, she grabbed the first aid items off the table. “Bathroom is right there.” Pointing to the only door by the kitchen, she started to head back in the direction she appeared from. “It's late, I'm going to throw on some jams and I'll check on you in a little bit. Help yourself to the fridge, and don't stand up too fast. I don't need you cracking your head on something else.” “Yes, Ma'am.” My tone was stern, a solider following orders. Shaking her head side to side, she stepped out of view. And I was left alone with a semi, and images of her with her legs spread open flashing in my eyes; a dripping pussy between her
thighs, body arching and aching to feel me deep inside. I'm going to make her mine. I need to, she's too beautiful to walk away from. I knew I couldn't leave here without tasting her at least once. Avni was a walking wet dream I wanted to turn into reality. I just had to work her a little, grease the engine if you will, and she'd be begging me to fuck her. My cock was firming beneath my pants, growing with each dirty thought that crossed my mind. Resting my head against the soft pillow, my lids started to pull down. Sleep was taking hold, my tired body falling into its grasp. Closing my eyes, I
let my fleeting body succumb to the blackness. And I was out before I even had time to think about it. I didn't know exactly how long I'd slept for; an hour, longer maybe. But the moist caress of a tiny dog's tongue dragging across my chin, followed by the not so deniable nastiness of dog breath, woke me up. Opening one eye, the little tea cup chihuahua was standing on my chest. His ironically long pink tongue hung from the corner of his mouth, eyes larger than his head were set on my face. “Morning to you too, little man.” Stretching my arms up over my head, I scratched the top of Mr. T's head.
A big name for such a small dog, I literally could hide him in the palm of my hand. Pushing his feet up into my neck, he laid across my ribs, enjoying the massage my massive hands were giving his tiny skull. “Good morning, I see you made a friend.” Avni's sweet voice hit my ears, perking me up instantly. “Yeah, it seems that way. You know his name doesn't really fit him, shouldn't you have named him something more his size? Like Peanut, or Pipsqueak?” Shifting his ears up, the dog cocked his head. As if he understood what I just said, questioning his big muscled name. “Careful, don't offend him. Though he be but little, he is fierce.”
“Shakespeare, very nice. Except it's she, not he.” I watched her eyes enlarge, surprised I even knew who she was quoting. I've done my fair share of reading, sometimes I have a lot of time on my hands. There are a lot of lonely nights when you're on active duty and an entire sea away from your friends and family. “Yeah, but for him it still counts.” Her lip curled up, a slight twinkle sparked in her eye. “How are you feeling this morning? Any better?” Rubbing the crust from my eyes, I was finally able to see her. Avni was standing in the kitchen, and her 'jams' she mentioned the night before, consisted of
barely enough material to pass as clothing. She had on a tight pink, spaghetti strap tank-top and a pair of black runners shorts. The shiny silk fabric covered just her ass cheeks, and the small slits up the sides practically hit her at the elastic band. There was plenty of thigh for me to eat with my eyes, and in my mind, for my tongue to ride up. Her nipples were hard, poking through the shirt. Each breast rested like a perfect hidden raindrop against her chest. If I didn't already have a strong case of morning wood, she would've sent the blood straight there anyway. “Do I feel better?” Licking my bottom lip, my eyes looked her body up
and down. “I do now.” Biting down, a devious smile spread over my cheeks. Her brows lifted, hand falling to her hip. “Want breakfast?” Avni's voice fell flat, ignoring my not so subtle, sexually driven statement. “Yeah, I could eat.” Moving her dog from my chest, I let my legs hit the floor. Gripping the edge of the couch I stood up, a full boner was pressed against my zipper. And I didn't care, I wanted her to look. There was a whole lot of cock here, a thick dick that was going to make her body buzz once she opened herself to me. Avni's eyes shot to my waist, growing against her face. I couldn't stop myself from grinning as a soft chuckle hit
my throat. Throwing her hand to her temple, she twisted towards the counter. “You, uh, you—” Cutting her off, I said, “Have a hardon? I sure do.” Walking to the bathroom door, I flicked the light on. “Yup, I'm definitely feeling better.” “How can you be so relaxed about it? Aren't you embarrassed?” She stood facing away, talking to the fridge. “Embarrassed of my cock? Hell no.” Closing the door only part way, I popped the button on my pants. Yanking my dick from inside, I took the longest piss of my life. “You could have closed the door, I am right here you know.”
“You want to come help? I can always use an extra hand.” Stepping to the sink, I turned the faucet on, splashing my face with warm water. It felt good, refreshing to my skin. What I really wanted was a long shower, I could feel the stale sweat of fighting coating my body. “No, I think you're a big boy. I'm sure you can handle that yourself.” The creaking of a cupboard door echoed over the tile walls surrounding me. “You know, if I had known you were such a pervert, I would have left you in the street.” Poking my head out the door, I wiped my face with a blue towel. “No you
wouldn't have,” I said, grinning ear to ear. “How do you know? You don't know me, maybe I'm a cold, calculated bitch.” Avni's hip kicked out to the side, fingers curling over the counter. Squinting my eyes, my mouth arched down. “Nope, don't think so. It's too late, you already helped me.” Looking down at my shirt, bloody smears were streaking the front of my chest. “Fuck, I liked this shirt.” Reaching my arms over my head, I gripped the collar, peeling the tainted fabric away. Cocking my head up, Avni stood frozen. Her face was set on the muscles bulging around my neck, eyes
lowering to my chest, and down over my stomach. She likes what she sees. Go ahead, baby, keep resisting. I have to be honest, the chase was always the best part. I liked a girl who wasn't so easy and made me work for it. The end result was always more satisfying. “Maybe we should go grab something, we could hit The Bagel Factory, and then I'll bring you home.” Her legs had sealed shut, thighs clenching together as if to keep me at bay. Or maybe to keep herself at bay. I could tell she was trying desperately to keep a leveled head, trying to not let herself get heated over
what she was seeing. My hard cock— yes it was still hard— and my body penciled with bright colors of art. Tattoos, getting them and displaying them, that was my second favorite thing to do in my spare time. The first was fucking, nothing beat that. And with my current lack of pussy due to being away, the dick in my pants was having a serious case of hardness with her around. “Alright, but you're sure you want to take me home?” Palming the erection in my jeans, I rested against the door frame. “Because I don't have to leave just yet.” “No, no. Really, I think we should get you home.” Her chest jerked up, ribs expanding to inhale a large breath of air.
Avni's fingers trailed softly over her collar bone, riding down her side. She wanted me too, I could feel it. But I was willing to play her game for a little while, it was fun. I liked watching her reactions; the jitters that coated her flesh when she looked at me, the soft shiver that hit her when I shifted my dick. It was a rush, the adrenaline flowed when I could visibly see the heat radiating off Avni, and her trying to calm that growing desire. Tugging the phone from my back pocket, I said, “Alright, but let me get your number. I'd like to take you out, maybe dinner?”
Her shoulders pulled back, chin tilting up. “Really? Dinner?” Why does she sound so surprised? Her tone floated out with such confusion, as if I was just some asshole who only wanted sex. Now, of course, sex was on my mind, but there was something else about her. Avni had a strong personality, and she was obviously a caring person. Otherwise, she would have just left me there last night, but she didn't. She felt obligated to help me, returning the favor of a good deed. But there was more to this pretty faced woman than just a slamming body. And I wanted to learn more, she intrigued me. This was a girl with more
than just a flashy cover, Avni had layers. Layers I was going to peel away, pulling them back one by one right down to the core. I was going to reach her center, in more than one way.
Chapter Two Avni Dinner? Dinner with the man who threw himself into my world and saved my ass. I was happy he showed up from the shadows, happy he had enough balls to send Vito and his guys running with their tails between their legs. Had Levi just passed by like every other person did that night, lord knows where I'd be right now. I hated those motherfuckers, and the way Vito was trying to hold shit from the past over my head. Maybe I shouldn't have called him a small prick with no balls. If I had just kept my mouth shut, it's possible he
might have just said what he needed to and left. But I knew better, and I can't stand when people try to intimidate me. Fuck that! I wasn't raised to just bend over backwards and take it up the ass, their problem wasn't my problem. And for some fucking reason Vito kept trying to make it mine. He demanded it was mine, but he was dangerous. I only pushed it as far as I could with him, but sometimes he would say shit that set my nerves on fire. That's when I would challenge him. Pulling up to a small duplex, there were nicely manicured bushes lining the windows, a stone walkway that spiraled
up to door number twelve. He lived less than five minutes from me. I didn't expect the man who was tormenting my insides with electricity to live so close. Levi's musky cologne had plastered its mark across the inside of my car. And I kept trying to take slow, deep breaths to imprint that scent in my brain. He smelled amazing, I wanted to lean into his neck and let him engulf my senses. But I couldn't, I stayed frozen, hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles had drained to ghost white. “Thanks for breakfast, Princess.” Holding up the paper bag, he swung it side to side. “So I'll text you later, we can decide on a time for dinner.”
Throwing the door open, he wrapped his fingers around the trim, leaning his head inside. I couldn't stop my eyes from drifting over his strong arms. The muscles rolled under his flesh, popping out as if to say, 'Hi there! I can do all kinds of things to you if you'll let me.' My body started to tingle, small prickles rode my neck, hitting the hairline. Levi's lip curled to one side, his face glowing in satisfaction. He caught my stare, saw the way I couldn't stop myself from zoning in on him. But what the hell! He was shirtless, adorned with a body that should only exist in roman sculptures.
I mean honestly, how was his body even remotely possible? His stomach looked perfectly rippled, corded with hardened muscles that danced as he moved. Each trench and dip between the bulges of cement looked hand carved; like he was made from a legendary piece of stone created by God. Every piece of my brain, all the individual arms I had holding up my security wall, were screaming at me to stop and turn away. As if they were growing weaker by the minute, unable to keep that wall standing firm. “Um, well...” Snapping my shoulders, I whipped my head to the driver's side window. “I don't know, I
have a few errands to run and stuff.” It seemed easier to talk to glass than to look at Levi and honestly turn him down. Because I didn't want to say no. Inside my veins were boiling, I was ready to leap across the seat and kiss the man who put himself in harms way for me. But outside, I was trying desperately to keep that hidden. “And?” Levi arched his brow, shoulders lifting to his ears. “I'll come with you, it'll be fun. Who wants to run errands alone?” Twisting my head over my shoulder, he flexed his pecs, bouncing them just enough to force my eyes down. Clearing my throat, I said, “I'll think about it, but no promises.”
“Fair enough.” Slapping the roof of my car, Levi turned and headed up the walkway. Watching him go, a thin smile spread across my face. Even his back had moves I couldn't explain. His shoulders were broad, slimming down to a perfect v-shape at his hips. The jeans resting on his waist were loose, shifting as he walked. Each step sent the firmed muscle of his ass bulging out, cresting the hem. Letting out a heavy exhale, I backed out of the driveway and headed home. Levi, he's fucking sexy as hell. I had to do everything in my power to keep myself thinking straight and not drive off the road. I wanted to feel his arms
around me, feel his hands slide across my skin. The strength he empowered, the way he was so confident, it sent chills through my nerves. He had protected me, stepped in and saved me from the hands of another. I was forever grateful for that. And that one act of kindness, that one choice he made to stand up for someone he didn't know... He was a real man, the definition of what a man should be. Levi didn't know those guys, or how dangerous they could be. But that didn't stop him from taking charge, or doing what he felt was right. I wanted to see him again, needed to see him again was more like it. But that
need scared me, getting close to someone scared me. I'd spent months building up a wall around myself, a fortress to keep others away. The pain I had gone through scarred me, I could feel my heart burning inside my chest each day since Kevin had been gone. It had been just over a year since I lost my brother, and that hurt enough. Kevin and I were really close, we carried a bond that most siblings never experience. We were twins, connecting on a different level that was hard to explain. The day we lost him, I knew it before we heard the horrible news. I
should say I felt it, literally felt his life get sucked from inside me. It was early morning, waking suddenly, I jolted out of bed. I couldn't breathe, gasping for air like I had been under water for too long and didn't realize how far away the surface was. Later that morning, there was a knock on our door, my mother answered, and she collapsed to the floor. The men on the front step didn't even have time to say a word before my mother started screaming. Right then I knew, Kevin was gone, and I had felt him leave. Ever since then, there's been a feeling of emptiness at my mom's house. It became torture for me to be there, all
our memories, our childhood together, all of that was wrapped inside those walls. And without him there, knowing he was never coming home... That was when my wall started to take shape. Not long after I decided to move out, I couldn't be there anymore. It was too much for me to bear. I loved him, and when he was stolen from us, nothing felt the same. The screeching of brakes hit my ears, knocking me from my thoughts. Slamming my foot down hard on the pedal, my car slid to a stop. Looking up, a gold sedan was inches from creaming my front end.
I hadn't noticed the stop sign, I was so caught up inside my own head, the world around me had disappeared. Fuck, Avni! Pay attention! The man in the car threw his middle finger up, screaming some obscenity in my direction. Waving a hand towards him, I yelled back. “Sorry!” Hitting the gas, I carried on my way. Shaking my head, I huffed under my breath. “You can't keep doing that, you're going to get yourself killed.” That wasn't the first time since losing my brother I let myself get pulled from what I was doing, and focused only on my thoughts.
Honestly, I usually didn't even realize it was happening. It always started with his face, his image would pop into my head, and that was it. My mind would start to wander, from memories of us as kids, to thoughts about the day he was taken away. And every time I thought about that day, I relived it all over again. The feelings bubbled up, floating to the surface. And I was right there again, in that living room, picking my mom up from the floor. Turning the wheel, I pulled into Quonset point, a small inlet that overlooked the ocean. It was a nice, quiet place for me to clear my head.
I wasn't ready to go home, I had to get my head straight. That small parking lot had been my spot to regain control and get my mind back in check for years. And fuck... I needed that today. Levi, his chiseled jawline that looked like it could cut a diamond, was melting into my brain. Inhaling a deep breath, his scent still lingered in the air. And I almost wished he was still sitting right beside me. Avni, what the hell? How is this guy getting into your head? I asked myself, letting my hand cradle the base of my skull. No one had been able to wriggle their way into and over my defenses. But he was, Levi had found a kink in my armor. He helped me, laid out the
motherfucker who was making my world a living hell. And why? Why had he done that? I couldn't figure that out. He had no reason to step in, but he did. Brushing the bangs from my face, I let my lids close. A headache was forming deep behind my eyes, rubbing my temples, I tried to push it out. What harm could come from going out with him one night? He deserves a little something for what he did. I knew the least I could do was go out with him once, have dinner, maybe let him come run around the store with me. That's all it had to be, nothing else. There was no harm in that.
And I was going to make sure he knew that was it, nothing more. I had the strength to keep him at arms distance, I didn't know him from a hole in the wall. You're being dramatic, and over thinking this. Stop it. My brother's most famous words to me played in my head, echoing into my ears. Breathing slowly through my nose, a thin smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. Kevin was always right, and when he would say that to me... I'd never admit it, but he was. Spotting the small silver box in my cup holder, I picked it up an spun it in my fingers. One more stop before heading home.
*** The crunch of gravel sounded in my ears as I pulled into the driveway. The hard stones cracking and popping under the tires was a familiar sound, a comforting sound. It was the sound that for so many years gave away my late night, past curfew, arrival to my mother. And even now, it was no different. Before I had time to pull my key from the ignition, my mother's head was propped up in the small, triangle-shaped glass window on the front door. Her eyes smiled from behind the glass as she stood on her tippy toes to peek out at who had just showed up.
When I was a kid, I never saw her in the window. She was a lot sneakier back then, and since I had been breaking the rules to begin with, she never gave me the slightest clue that she was even there. That was until I woke up the next morning. I would always think, 'yeah, this time I did it. I'm the next fucking David Copperfield. She doesn't even know I was gone.' I knew exactly where every creek in the wood floors were, the right pace to open the door so the old rusty hinges didn't give me away. But for some reason, it never mattered. My mom didn't always greet me when I came in either, nope not her. The first few times she was waiting for me on the couch, hands cupped under
her chin, eyes thin and full of anger. Then it manifested into something else, something that was completely outside the box to prove her point. She would wait until the next morning when I was asleep, thinking I was home free then... Bam! I'd get smacked with a cup of ice at six in the morning, or be woken up to the world's loudest blender in my room. She'd always do something to make sure my late night was followed by an early morning. The sad thing was I never knew how she found out. So many times I had thought I was in the clear. But she always knew, and she'd tell me every time it was her motherly
instincts, her super mom powers. 'Bullshit,' I'd say, and she would laugh at me. All while sipping on her smoothie at the end of my bed. It wasn't until after I graduated high school she finally told me her secret to catching me. The fucking rocks in our driveway, it was the sound of those rocks that always gave me away. And of course her super instincts she would add, but it was mostly the rocks. Tugging the door open, my mother stood with a huge grin on her face. “Hey, Mom,” I said, stepping out of my car. “I brought coffee.” “You're a Godsend. And you know just how to make your mother happy.” Holding the front screen door open, she
was still glowing over my unannounced pop in. “Caffeine, it's practically the only thing that will get you through this door.” “Ha ha, funny. You know you love me.” A thin smile pulled at the corners of my mouth, circling my fingers around my scalp I created an imaginary halo. “Yeah, nice try. But the only angel around here is Livie, right Hun?” Using her hands to sign the words to my little sister, the two smiled and giggled together. “Oh good, I'm glad Livie's up. I brought her a little something.” Crossing the threshold, I stepped inside. Squinting my eyes, it was so damn bright outside, I had to wait and adjust to the lighting.
When I entered the house everything was cast in dark shadows, like I had just walked in wearing sunglasses. Inhaling a deep breath, the scent of apples crept into my nose. It was a familiar smell, the same smell my parents house always had. My mom loved apple candles, I can't even count how many she's been through over the years. The best thing about my mom and her candles was the fact she actually saved all the leftover wax. My mom would literally dig and scrape the wax out of the jar, then she'd toss it into an old coffee can. Once, I finally got curious enough to ask why she did that. Her answer...
“Because it's still good,” she could melt down the pieces and create her own candle. The one problem, she never actually did it. There had to be over twenty coffee cans filled to the brim in the garage with chunks of apple scented wax. But that was mom, so I never gave it another thought. And as much as it felt good to have that sense of familiarity, that sense of comfort; coming home also brought so much unwanted pain. It hadn't stopped, it never got easier. Every time I stepped foot through that door, a part of me waited to hear my brother.
That pause of anticipation, the waiting for his footsteps... It was always there. Then it would fade when I finally shook myself. But it happened every time, and I hated it. A high pitched squeak hit my ears, and instantly my stomach warmed. It was my little sister showing her excitement to see me. Livie was ten years younger than me, and for my parents... A complete surprise. My mother had my brother and me when she was thirty-five, and when she stopped getting her period at forty-five, she figured it was early menopause. Never in her wildest dreams did she think she was pregnant.
It was hell for her to even get pregnant with us, two fertility treatments later and she was having twins. According to the doctors she couldn't get pregnant naturally, there was an issue with her uterus. Then there was a miracle, Livie. All the doctors and specialists had warned her that having a child at her age could result in birth defects, learning disabilities, or even worse not making it through the birth at all. My mom, she didn't care about the risks. That baby was a miracle to her and my dad, a pure piece of heaven sent down to them. And regardless of what happened, she was having that baby.
Livie, she was the happiest kid I've ever known. And despite the daily hardships she faced, nothing in this world seemed to ever break her spirit. For that... I was thankful. “Livie, I have a present for you.” Using my hands to speak to my sister, I watched her face light up with joy. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the small silver box. Her eyes opened wide, stretching beyond their limit. A soft grunt escaped her lips as she leaned in to stare at the shiny object. Pointing with her finger, Livie signed the words, 'For me?' “You know, Avni, your sister has enough stuff. She doesn't need more.” Clenching her fingers together, I watched
Livie's face sour to our mother's observation. Shaking my head, I looked into Livie's eyes. Her laugh came out louder than I think she could ever realize. Since she was born deaf, sound was something that she never experienced. And with autism, her excitement at times was uncontrollable. Livie loved anything that sparkled, if it shined bright or had some sort of light, it would captivate her for hours. So, anytime I saw anything I thought she would love, I would buy it. I couldn't help myself, bringing her joy gave me one thing to still look forward to in life.
I wasn't sure how much she understood about losing our brother. There were times she would cry, which seemed so out of place, so unexpected. And hours later she would walk up to a picture of him and point even though the tears had faded long ago. Then there were the days she would throw a huge tantrum, refusing to move off the floor while screaming and pulling at her hair. Over the years she did that from time to time, but it had gotten worse after everything happened with Kevin. “Open it,” I said to her, my fingers working to get the words to her as quickly as I could.
Glancing over at our mother, the two of us sent puppy dog pleading eyes up to our mom. “Alright, go on.” Rolling her hand, she said, “Open it up, Liv.” Her teeth emerged behind a quiet gasp. Dipping her head, she lifted the box from my palm. Turning it around, she looked over each side, holding it into the light so she could watch it twinkle. “Come on, the best part is inside. But the box is yours too.” Biting on her tongue, my sister peeled the lid off. Jerking her head up, she looked between me and the small object inside. Pulling on the chain, she lifted the necklace up.
It was a small locket, inside was a picture of our family. It was all five of us a couple of summers ago at the beach. During a time when the smiles were endless and we were all together. A much happier, much more 'whole' time for our family. “Let me see, I'll put it on you.” Wrapping it around her neck, I clipped the latch. “Alright, now watch this.” Squeezing the heart shaped locket closed, I gave it an extra push. The front of the heart began to flash and sparkle with lights, the bright purple lighting lit up around the edges, dancing across it in waves. And my sister glowed. Her face went taut, eyes fixed on the mesmerizing flickers.
“That's pretty, Hun,” my mom said, leaning her weight into the door frame. Waving her hand to get Livie's attention, she traced the outline of her face with closed fingers and an open palm, letting her know she thought it was beautiful. “And you said you have coffee for me right?” Laughing, I stood up and turned to her. “I sure do, with a shot of espresso.” “You do love your mother, what a good daughter.” Running her fingers across my shoulder, she wrapped me in a side hug. “Livie will be busy for a while with that necklace, want to sit out back?” “No, I can't stay.”
“Aw.” Her lips folded over, pouting. “I feel like I don't get to see you enough, do you have plans later?” “Maybe.” Shrugging my shoulders, I tucked my hands into my back pockets. Squinting one eye, my mother's mouth curled to one side. “Maybe? What's that mean, maybe?” “I don't know, I might have plans. But I might not, I'm not sure if I'm going yet.” “Who's the guy?” “I never said it was with a guy.” A thin brow arched up my forehead, crinkles filling in at the corner. “You didn't have to. I'm your mother remember?” Reaching for her coffee, she
blew cool air over the opening. “So, tell me about him. What's his name?” “Mom, really, it's nothing. I don't even know if I'm going to go.” Rolling my eyes, I let my head fall forward. I felt embarrassed a little, I never really liked talking about guys with my mom. It always felt weird to me. How was I supposed to take advice from a woman who spent the last thirty years with the same man? I felt like she just didn't have any idea or could even remember what dating was like to begin with. “Why do you do this? Why don't you like talking to me about your boyfriends?”
“One, he's not my boyfriend. Two, you haven't dated in over three decades, what could you possibly understand about new relationships?” Chuckling, my mother ran her fingers through the edges of my hair. “Sweetheart, you're forgetting that I had a life before your father. And not to sound like a bitch, but you dating now, is absolutely no different than me dating back then. Things change in the world, but there's one thing that never changes...” Turning my shoulders towards her, she set her eyes firm on mine. “Men.” She was right, I knew she was right. But it just wasn't something we talked about openly when I was growing up. I
think for my dad, he just didn't want to ever think about his daughter and boys, and with my mom it just felt awkward. It also didn't help that her sense of humor was colorful... And blunt. I didn't really even start dating till I was close to seventeen, and my brother made it even harder. All the guys I liked were either his friends or related to his friends, and to be quite frank... When you're the girl version of your twin brother, guys looked at you different. It was like they thought that if they kissed me then it was like they kissed my brother. I can count at least four guys in high school who noted the resemblance of my brother and me.
So, dating... It was complicated on all angles. “Look, if this ends up going anywhere I'll be sure to tell you, for now...” Bringing my hands up and pressing them firmly together, I begged, “Please, please, don't make it more than it needs to be.” “I won't, Honey. Just remember to make sure he wraps it, you never know these days.” Gripping the styrofoam cup tightly, she said, “Men can be careless, you just never know.” “Mom!” I yelled, a heavy gasp escaped my lips. “See? That's what I'm talking about.” My mom began laughing, her lips unable to form around the edge. “What?
I'm just making sure you're smart about it is all. And you know it wouldn't hurt for you to open up to someone. You spend too much time in your apartment, a little penis might do you some good.” “Thanks, Mom,” I said, smiling as my head shook side to side. “Alright, I'm heading home before this penis talk goes any further. Tell dad I love him and I'll stop by again to see him soon.” Walking back over to Livie, I waved to say goodbye, and told her I loved her. She was hugging her new necklace tight, fingers wrapped around the heart. I could see the lights reflecting off inside her hand, and the smile painted on her face was priceless.
After everything my family had been through, the hardships we faced for years from my sister and her health, then all the shit with my brother; I knew it was on me to keep Kevin's name clean. My mother and father had enough to deal with; the less they knew about what he had gotten himself into the better. I felt it was my duty, my heart, that had to bear the pain for his secret past. Kevin would've done the same thing for me. That's what you do for your blood, for the same blood that runs through your veins. And I would do anything to make sure his past was kept behind closed doors.
Chapter Three Avni “Stop it.” Throwing my head over my shoulder, I peered at Kevin through slit lids. “You're such an ass.” “What?” He held his arms out, shoulders pulling into his ears. “I'm just fucking with you, you know that.” “It's not funny, I'm serious. I really want you to teach me how to drive a stick.” Twisting around, my eyes opened dramatically. “Now you need to stop. Those eyes quit working when we were ten. I'm still not comfortable getting in a car with you behind the wheel yet.”
“Come on, I've had my license just as long as you, and you're leaving tomorrow. You know Dad and Mom don't know how to drive a standard.” Skooching closer to my brother, I pressed my hands together firmly. “Please?” “Is all this just so you can drive my car while I'm away? Because if it is...” Shaking his finger in my face, he let it bounce off my nose. “I'm not showing you shit.” “That's not fair! You don't want your car to just sit stale for a year do you?” Furrowing my brows, I ruffled his hair and shoved his shoulder. “You really want to come home to a dead battery and a gunked up engine?”
Dragging his hand over his jaw, he shot me a steady glare. “You know you should have gone to school to be a lawyer or something. You're really good at plating bullshit and making it look like prime rib.” My thin lips slid up my cheeks, tight and sealed against my face. Tilting my head I said, “Come on, stop being a jerk. Just teach me already, I'm not asking for too much. Besides, you're going to be gone for such a long time, we need to do one last thing together.” “Fine, fine. Just stop begging me, you're getting on my nerves.” His hand flew up, waving aimlessly around. “I'm supposed to get on your nerves, I'm your sister. And I think
you're going to miss that anyway, especially being away for so long.” “I don't think so, I'm going to bask in the peace and quiet.” “You're going to Afghanistan, I don't exactly think you're going to be surrounded by tranquility and massage parlors.” “No, but I'm not going to be hounded everyday by my annoying twin sister who doesn't have the balls to just jump into something and give it a try.” “Excuse me.” The words drew out over my tongue, tone heightening with each syllable. “I'm sorry I'm not a risk taker like you, and I like to learn before jumping in feet first.”
“And that's why I'm Mom and Dad's favorite.” His lip curled playfully, brushing imaginary dirt off his shoulders. “Fuck you, they only told you that one time so you wouldn't cry about coming in last at the track meet in high school. They were afraid you'd lose it and walk around sulking like a giant ass for months.” Smacking his shoulder, I said, “And they didn't want to have to pay for your therapy from it either.” “Ha!” Kevin's head fell back, teeth fully bared against the gums. “You can be such a bitch.” “And that's why you'll miss me the most, my blatant honesty.” Folding my
hands together, I batted my lashes innocently. Kevin and I had always been honest with each other. That was the best part about having a twin, having that connection with one single person no one else around you could understand. We loved each other, spent nearly every day together. Even during high school, our bond was unbreakable. He had not been just my brother, but also my best friend. So many people found that strange since we were brother and sister. But I was a Tom boy, getting dirty didn't scare me. And with all the extra care our little sister needed, money was tight. So my brother and I would spend
hours building shit in our dad's garage, or digging up worms to go fishing. There wasn't much time in our childhood for our parents to drive us around to our friend's homes, or give us money to go do things. The two of us only had each other, and I would never change that. He understood me better than anyone else on earth. “Alright, let's go.” Standing, Kevin shoved his wallet in his back pocket. Glancing over his dresser, he snatched the keys off the top and tossed them onto my lap. “Really? Now?” “Uh, yeah. I leave tomorrow, so unless you plan on calling the Army to ask them for an extension on my
deployment, then we need to do this now.” “I still can't believe you're going tomorrow. It's going to be weird not having you around for so long.” Shaking my head, I could feel my eyes start to fill, water balancing on the edge of my lids. “Come on, don't do this. I'll be home before you know it.” Plopping back down beside me, he wrapped his arm over my shoulder. “I know I have to deal with the tears from Mom, but I need you to be strong.” “It's just so fucked up, Kev. I still don't understand why you need go. There wasn't something you could do
around here? Something that required a little less danger?” “V, this is something I need to do. You don't need to like it, but I'm doing it for you, for every other mother, father, brother, sister. I'm doing it for our country, and it feels right.” My brother was the only one who ever called me 'V,' he started that when we were just small kids. My mom used to say he was lazy with his words and that he made or created any shortcut he could when speaking. V, that was one shortcut I didn't mind. But he was the only person to ever use that nickname for me. And it was killing me inside to know that after
tomorrow, I wouldn't hear it in person for such a long time. We had never been apart for more than a few days, until he joined the Army. Kevin had a dream one night, one that pointed him into the arms of the military. My parents were so proud of his decision, they thought it was a valiant thing to do for our country. I felt very different. Taking a deep breath, I held the tears back from falling. “Okay, I know. Let's go, teach me this crap before I get stuck having to learn on my own and burn your clutch out.” Sitting in the driver's seat, I clicked the seat belt in. Looking over at Kevin, he expanded his lids to their limit,
hands shaking as he buckled himself in. “Don't kill me.” “Asshole,” I spat, smiling as he mocked me with fear of my driving. “Alright, push the clutch in, and hold the brake.” Nodding my head, I pressed my feet down onto the pedals. “Now, pull the shifter back so it's not in gear and it's sitting in neutral.” “How will I know it's in neutral?” I asked, gripping the knob tightly in my palm. Looking down at where the gear pattern had been at one point, the spot was now worn and bare. “It'll have give to it, watch, just pull it back.” Placing his hand over mine, he jiggled the shifter. “See?” “Yeah, I see what you're saying.”
“Alright, now start the engine.” The motor turned over, roaring to life. Flicking my eyes up towards the house, I caught our mother standing in the window. Her eyes were lined with a smile, arms folded over her chest as she watched us in the road out front. My mom's hand came up and gently cupped her lips, and even from that distance I could see the light tears cascading over her cheek bones. Kevin was right, our mom was going to have a much harder time with him leaving than any of us. He was her baby boy, the only boy. When they wrote the description of a mama's boy in the dictionary, they
absolutely could have used my brother as the prime example. “Now what?” Holding the wheel with two hands, I could feel my heart start to beat faster inside my chest. I wasn't exactly the best driver to begin with, so my nerves were on edge. “Keep the brake and clutch pushed in, then push the shifter to the upper left into first gear.” His finger pointed at the spot where I assumed it once had the number one. Sliding the handle up, I felt it click into place. “Okay, here comes the tricky part.” “Tricky part? Why? Why is this the tricky part?” “You have to release the brake. Then while releasing the clutch give
her some gas, but not too fast or the car will stall. Go gently till you feel the pull.” His hands mimicked my feet against the pedals, slowly raising one then pushing down the other. “Here we go.” I whispered under my breath, letting the pressure lift off the balls of my feet. The car began to jerk, bouncing hard in the front end. “Slower, slower, now give it some gas.” Kevin's palm fell to the dashboard, his body leaning over his lap. “More gas, more gas.” The car bucked and jumped, then the engine fell quiet. “Try again.” His finger raised up, twirling in a circle. Repeating the same motion, I began to feel what he had been trying to
explain. The car started to roll forward, my fingers tightening around the shifter. Kevin pressed up in his seat, leaning over to look at the speedometer. “Alright, when you hear the engine start to turn high pitched, and the RPM's start to hit three or four grand, then shift into second.” “Slow down, where's second gear?” My eyes darted between the center console and the road. “Just pull it straight back.” The sound of the motor was growing, a whirring squeal was piercing my eardrums. “Now! Shift now!” he barked.
“Stop yelling at me!” Yanking the shifter back, a loud grinding noise filled the car. Panic hit my chest, the nerves in my body turned cold. “What the fuck is that?” I asked, pulling my foot off the gas, and the clutch. As the car jumped and came to a violent halt, Kevin said, “That is the sound of you grinding the gears, V. Let's try to not do that.” Suddenly, in the rearview mirror the blazing flash of red and blue hit my eyes. Snapping my head to the side mirror, there was a police officer who pulled up and stopped behind us. “Fuck, Kev, it's a cop.” “Yeah, so?”
“So?” My head whipped towards my brother, jaw hanging open. “Why is he here?” “He probably saw your driving.” Smirking, he turned his head to his window and chuckled to himself. Shaking my head, a soft tap against the glass sent a jolt into my heart. Fear was coating my gut, I hated getting into trouble. It always gave me an unsettled feeling, and when it came to the police... They just made me fucking nervous as hell. Pressing the window button, it smoothly lowered. Kevin leaned over, and took control. He knew I'd be a ball of knots and jumbled words. “Hey officer, what can we do for you?”
“You can start by telling me what you guys are doing.” The man in the dark blue suit had a bright shining badge fixed to his chest. Wrapping his fingers over the edge of my window, he leaned down and was shooting his eyes all around the inside of the car. “I'm teaching my sister here how to drive a stick, Sir.” The cop's face that had been taut and stone, loosened. His eyes softened, and he started to laugh. “Ah, that explains the erratic driving then. Well, good luck with that, Son.” Slapping the roof of the car, he turned and headed back to his vehicle. My face must have been ghost white, I had felt all the blood drain
down, my hands shaking against the wheel. And when I looked back over at Kevin, he was laughing harder than I think I'd ever seen before. “What is so fucking funny?” I spat. “Honestly, your face. You should've seen your face!” Tears began to stream down from his eyes, his guttural laugh was coming out so hard he was struggling to breathe. “See? It was your driving.” “Fuck you.” Yanking up the emergency brake, I threw open the door and stormed off towards the house. “V! Come on, V, it was funny!” His head rested on the bottom of the window frame, arms hanging out over
the door. “Come back, you need to keep trying.” Not turning to look at him, I threw my hand up and flipped him off. I don't even think I was really pissed at him for laughing the way he did. I honestly thought it was more my resentment for his leaving the next day. I had been edgy all week. Fuck, I was edgy all month! And when that day had finally come, I wanted to run into a dark room and hide. My mom was holding the trim of his ACU jacket, folding the collar over and smoothing it against his chest. “Kevin, be safe out there. We're all very proud of you, but come home safe to us.” Her
lips had scrunched up tight, small sniffles followed each inhale. “I promise, I'll come home safe. I'll be fine, Mom. This is what I was meant to do, trained to do. I'm going to protect people, that's my job.” Wrapping his large fingers over Kevin's shoulder, my father gently shook him. “You're going to do what others wish they had the strength to do. I'm so proud of you, Son.” Embracing my brother, my dad wept quietly into his shoulder. My dad never cried, I had only seen him cry two other times in my life; the day my sister was born, and the day my grandmother died. But even those tears didn't compare to the ones that rained
down knowing his son was heading into war. Flicking his eyes at me, Kevin stood with a delicate smile. “V, when I get back we're going to finish teaching you how to drive a stick. So don't touch my car while I'm gone, we need something to work with when I get home.” Holding his arm out, he pulled me into his chest. I had an uneasy feeling that day, one that sent my stomach into a nauseous spin. Kevin was actually leaving for a year, and I suddenly felt all alone. Even though he was still standing right in front of me, a piece of my soul had shut down.
There was already a hole, an emptiness that was Kevin's place in my world. “I'm not making any promises, a year is a long time. And you know I have no patience.” Hugging my brother, I squeezed tighter than I ever had. He was about to walk onto foreign soil, stepping into a world that none of us could even imagine. Kevin was willingly putting himself in harms way for others. I was proud of him too, but a fear like no other had wrapped around my heart. “I' promise, I'll be home before you know it.” Sliding closed knuckles softly across my chin, Kevin smiled with
closed lips. “Don't touch my car.” Turning, he paused for a moment on the airbridge, giving one final smile to my parents. And all I wished from that day on was his safe return. Jolting up, I looked around my empty apartment. T sat by my feet, head perked up staring at me confused. It was a dream, just a dream, Avni. I had a lot of dreams about my brother; dreams of happier times, dreams of the day that changed my life. There was a part of me that loved having those dreams, I felt close to him again, especially when the dream was something that we actually did. But every time I woke up, that fucking pain
would come back and stab me in the chest. And I would have to remember the truth, how things are now. Cupping Mr. T in the crease of my elbow, I sat on my couch, feet up on the coffee table. Looking at the clock, it was almost six, and still nothing from Levi. There was no text, no call yet, nothing. And even though I thought that would bring me a little ease to not hear from him, it didn't. I wanted him to call me, and all I wondered then was, 'where is he?' Stop. If he does call, going to dinner would only be a kind gesture of gratitude. If I decided to go at all.
Looking down at my tiny companion, I ruffled the top of his head. His face stiffened, ears perking up as he stared at the door. Shifting to look at the front door, I waited to see if someone was going to knock. Mr. T was good at alerting me to people outside my apartment, and usually if he cocked his head that way a knock would follow. But after a few seconds nothing happened. “Silly dog, are you getting old? Hearing things that aren't there?” His tongue slid out of his mouth, head lowering to my belly. The soft ding of my phone rang, lighting up against the cushion. Glancing down at the screen, there was a number I
didn't recognize. Picking it up, I slid the screen open. 'Ready?' Arching a brow at the single word, a knock echoed against the wood. Mr. T jumped from my lap, and ran to the door, short growling barks hit the back of his throat. “Who is it?” I asked, pushing myself off the couch. “It's Don Juan, who do you think it is?” “Levi? What are you doing here?” Yanking the door open, he stood there, holding his arms out with a huge shiteating grin on his face. “I'm here for our dinner date,” he said, leaning over and petting Mr. T. “Hey big guy, miss me?” T rolled over,
his tiny legs extended up as far as they could go, wildly wiggling his ass against the floor. “I thought you were going to call me?” Folding my arms across my chest, my head tilted to the side. “What happened with that?” I wanted to be annoyed, frustrated, anything but the feelings that were actually running through my body. Instead, my stomach was a rampaging storm of butterflies, and excitement was making its way through my chest and down my thighs. Shrugging his shoulders, Levi stood back up. “Yeah, I was going to. But the way you talked when you dropped me off earlier...” Pausing, he ran his fingers
over his jaw. “I figured this would help with your decision, make it a little harder for you to say no.” The butterflies went into a torrent, crashing against the walls of my gut. Tingles flooded my spine, sparking my entire body to life. And I didn't expect that, I didn't expect to be hit so strongly. A smile started to lift, curling up to my ear. “Well, maybe I'd planned on agreeing. But you didn't even give me that chance.” “Nope, I wasn't risking it.” Holding his hand out, he said, “Are you going to invite me in? Or are you just going to make me stand here with my thumb in my ass?”
Stepping to the side, my arm fanned out, guiding him in. “You know you're real ballsy showing up here like this, I could have told you to go away.” “You could have, but you didn't.” His eyes narrowed, jaw pulling tight. “So what's first tonight, dinner or errands?” He took me by surprise, I wasn't thinking he was going to just show up at my place. And yet I was happy he did. Levi could have been right, there's a chance I might have let his call go to voicemail, or ignored his message. But deep down I was glad he didn't give me the chance to. I'm not the type of person who opens up to people.
I liked my world small with the ability to hold it in my hands. It all came down to control, and when things seemed to spiral down for me, I took control anyway I could. “Are you hungry?” I asked, slipping my feet into the flats by the door. “Nice, how'd that one feel?” Levi nodded his head, eyes set on the tattoo on the top of my foot. “Not too bad, not nearly as bad as I thought.” Holding my foot off the floor, I twisted my ankle side to side. “Why the praying mantis?” “They're supposed to be good luck, I thought maybe if I had one tattooed on me then I'd have better chances.” Pursing my lips, I shrugged my shoulders.
“How's that working for you so far?” “Well, I didn't end up in a gutter the other night. So I think it's doing the job.” Laughing, I grabbed my purse off the hook on the wall, tossing it over my shoulder. “I don't really have any errands to do, so let's go grab a bite to eat.” “I didn't think you did.” Chuckling under his breath, Levi raised his fingers to my arm, drawing small light lines up and down. Goosebumps broke across my skin, riding my arm in a wave. The tingle turned to a heat, a fire that spread and swirled across my inner thighs. His tender touch, the delicate swipe of his fingers made my panties turn to
molten lava. I found myself staring at the size of his hand, the thickness of his fingers. Their rough exterior was lined with a sensual touch; a softness to his skin I didn't expect to feel. And a rush of sparks I didn't expect to break open inside my chest. My eyes expanded, throat struggling to swallow the gulp of air I was holding in my mouth. “Alright, let's go.” The few words were the only ones I could form across my tongue. The rest of my mind was wrapped up in him. Thoughts of his hands finding their way down my belly, and over the hot mound below started to take over.
His deep blue eyes glistened, tongue dragging across his bottom lip. He could see it, Levi knew I was getting turned on by just his touch. I watched his chest puff up, muscles hardening beneath the form fitted t-shirt hugging his ribs. Each muscle rippled against the fabric, pressing off in a downward slide. And I couldn't stop my eyes from following the domino effect, freezing on his waist as the final muscle bulged beneath his jeans. Inside my head I was smacking my cheeks, slapping the life back into my brain. Stop!
Stepping back, I threw my hand into my purse, digging around for my keys. A deep laugh pushed off his throat. “Looking for these?” he asked, holding my keys up on one finger and twirling them around. Grabbing them quickly, I let my lungs fill with a slow breath. Get a hold of yourself! I screamed inside my head. Levi walked back out the door, shoulder brushing against my breasts. I felt my nipples perk up, hardening beneath my bra. This man was making me want him, he was methodically pushing my buttons. I could feel my panties sticking to my pussy by the wetness he forced out.
And in my head, I knew; no matter how much I tried to deny it, he was going to fuck me. Levi had just soaked me with a single brush of skin. My pussy was on fire, ready to take whatever he had to offer. No! Avni get a fucking grip! What is wrong with me? I wondered, unsure of where my defenses had gone. I didn't want to let myself fall into this guy. That's when you get hurt, that's when your heart could be torn from your chest and stomped on. My heart had been through enough, I was still broken from losing my brother. The last thing I needed was some playboy strolling into my life; then leaving just as soon as he entered.
Levi was a walking image of what I needed to protect myself against. He was bleeding bad boy, and I wasn't strong enough to pick my heart back up when he decided he was done with me. I wasn't going to let any pain into my world, not anymore. I had control over that, I took control over that. And that's what I kept reminding myself, I was the one making the decisions. Not him.
Chapter Four Levi Teasing her hair as we made our way on to the street, I gently spun the long strands. Cupping the middle of her back, I guided her past her car. “We're taking your car? I can drive if you want, I don't mind.” Avni twisted her face up, fingers closed around her keys. “No, we're not driving at all. It's nice out, let's walk. Besides, the place I'm thinking of is only a couple blocks away.” Bending my fingers, the tips slid over her spine. I felt her body tremble, a subtle quiver that was visible against her skin. The prickles shot up, row after row
claiming her flesh. And with my head held forward, a smile emerged. I loved the way her body showed me what she was feeling. I don't think she realized how visual her cues were. When she spoke; her eyes, her face, her lips; it all told me what was really going on inside that body of hers. Even if she didn't want to accept it. “Where are we going?” she asked, tucking her keys into her purse. “Do you like sushi?” Avni's eyes expanded past their limit, like a child who just heard Santa was on his way. “I LOVE sushi.” Her voice rode out from the back of her throat, head snapping up. “None of my friends like it, so I only eat it a few
times a year. And that's usually because I begged my mom to go with me.” Her eyes, the unintentional way they gleamed at me from the flashes of headlights against the surface; they were stars in the form beauty. I could take her now, right here. I swear I've met her. “Really? None of them?” “Nope. My bro...” Her voice trailed off, fingers twining around a thin lock of hair. Letting out a heavy breath, she said, “None of them, not anymore.” “What were you going to say?” “Nothing, it was nothing. There used to be someone close to me that liked it, but that was a while ago.” Avni
swallowed hard, her neck angling up to make it flow down easier. She seemed to go somewhere else in that moment. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead, lids static. I couldn't tell exactly what she was thinking, but it went deep. “Who was that?” I asked. Shaking her head side to side, her lips pulled tight. “I don't want to get into that right now.” Nodding, I didn't press her. We all have things in our lives we want to forget, or leave in the past. If she wanted to tell me, that was up to her. “Sure, I can understand that.” Her eyes flicked up, lashes fluttering against her face. “Thank you,” she said,
reaching her fingers out, she softly gripped my arm. I wanted her to keep going, let her hand fall to my waist and work its way onto my cock. Picturing her fingers wrapping around my shaft, stroking my length, it sent a surge of static through my gut. The buzzing took shape, melting from my belly over my dick. The blood rushing down made my cock beat against my briefs. “You don't need to thank me, it's common courtesy. You don't want to talk about it, I'm not going to force you. But for the record, I am a pretty good listener.” Avni smiled, her lips tugging to one side. “I'll keep that in mind.”
Grabbing the handle to Mizu's, I pulled the door open. “After you, Princess.” Sitting in a small booth by the window, the scent of the food around us floated up into my nose. My stomach rumbled something fierce, a loud gurgle made its way out over the table. “You sound hungry,” she said giggling. Holding the straw to her lips, Avni wrapped them slowly around the plastic. I was mesmerized, watching her plump lips form into a soft circle. She had no idea how badly I wanted those lips wrapped around my cock; or maybe she did. The sultry look in her eyes spoke a different language.
They called to me, crying out for me to brush her cheeks. But I held back, kept my hands tucked tightly away. If I was going to ignite a fire across her skin, it wasn't going to be from across the table in a restaurant. “I'm starving, and I haven't had sushi in ages. This will be the first time I've had a decent meal in almost six months.” Rubbing my abs, my eyes opened wide. “Six months? Why so long?” Twirling her straw, she played with the ice as it bounced inside the water. “I just got back into the states, yesterday to be exact. Same day as our little chance encounter on the street.” Tilting my jaw up, I rubbed the knot still claiming the back of my head.
Smiling, she nodded in my direction. “Were you traveling?” Her head perked up, shoulders rolling back. The wide eyed woman teemed with curiosity and wonder. “Not exactly,” I said. Gripping the chain around my neck, I pulled out my dog tags. “I'm a soldier.” Avni's jaw dropped, her face turning a pale white. “Soldier? You're a soldier?” “Yes, Ma'am.” Snapping my shoulders square, I sat as tall as I could against the seat. “How come I didn't see your tags last night?” Her tone had suddenly heightened, dragging out off her tongue.
“I tucked them in my pocket before I stepped in. I didn't want one of those assholes tearing them off my neck.” She began to wrap her fingers together, tapping the table. I could feel her leg vibrating, and hear the sound of her heel hitting the floor at a quickened pace. “Well, alright then.” “What? Is that a problem?” I didn't understand why her demeanor had changed so drastically. She suddenly seemed tense, her muscles tightened, eyes darting around the room. “No, no it's fine.” Avni's chest lifted heavily, her breaths short and shallow. “Then what's wrong? Why do you look pissed?”
“I'm not pissed, I'm not. I just can't...” Pausing, her head fell to the table, fingers tearing apart the wrapper to her straw. “Look, I... I have to go.” Standing quickly, Avni threw her purse over her shoulder and took off for the door. I was stunned, that seemed to come out of nowhere. One moment she's giving me the sexiest eyes I'd ever seen, and the next she's hightailing it out of the place. What's her problem? I'm a soldier, what the fuck is wrong with that? Gripping the edge of the table, I slid out. She had already made it to the door and was hitting the pavement hard by the time I finally got outside.
Searching the street, I saw her frame gliding rhythmically between the other people on the sidewalk. Avni was almost in a slow jog, dipping and dodging to avoid the shoulders of strangers. “Avni! Avni, wait up!” I yelled, waving my arm. Breaking into a run, I bumped into a few people as I made my way to her. Grabbing her shoulder, I tugged her around. “What the hell was that? Why are you taking off?” Throwing her hand up, she held her palm out firm. “Don't.” Her voice was short and stern. “Don't what? What's going on?” Arching a brow, I cocked my head to the side.
“I can't do this, okay. I'm going home.” Folding her arms tight across her chest, she kicked her leg out to the side. What the hell is she talking about? I couldn't grasp what had just come over her, one minute she was smiling over sushi, the next she's stiff arming me in the street. “Do what?” I asked, holding my arms out. “What the fuck are you talking about?” “Look, I'm going home. And you should do the same.” Whipping around, she pulled her purse up high on her arm. “See you around, Levi,” she said over her shoulder. “I thought we were going to have dinner? What's causing this freakout of
yours?” Running a hand through my hair, I tugged the strands tight against my skull. “Because I'm a soldier? Really?” I was baffled, not just with her, but with me too. Had this been any other woman in my past, I would have let them go. There was no way I was going to chase down some over the top drama queen. Yeah, I'm a soldier. What the fuck did that matter? But Avni, she gave me a feeling I hadn't felt before. And a small voice deep inside forced me to go after her. She was a light and I was the moth, I was drawn to her. And I couldn't explain it.
My heart had turned to marble after going to war. The life I knew had changed, the life I saw after was dull and cloudy. There was so much hurt, suffering, and rage in others for things that were intangible. I saw it, I saw all the blackness that seeps through others, saw all the evil that turned men into animals. And after it happened, after my life hung in the balance... My heart never beat the same rhythm. Until Avni. “I told you, I'm not doing this.” “V, it's just dinner. Stop being dramatic.” The instant the words fell off my lips, her entire body froze.
Avni stopped short, shoulders flicking taut. Slowly she turned to look at me, veering her stare. “What did you just say?” “I said stop being dramatic, it's only dinner.” My hands fell to my waist, jaw jetting to the side. “It's not like I'm asking you to marry me or anything, it's just dinner.” “I don't do dinner with soldiers.” She hadn't turned around fully, but I could tell she was breathing hard. Her back was stiff, shoulders gently rising with the oxygen she was forcing into her lungs. “Go be a hero, I'm sure the world has room for another one.” “I'm no saint, V. But you don't have to have dinner with the soldier, have
dinner with me. Levi, just Levi.” Shrugging, I let my arms hang low, hands open. “I don't think that's a wild request, it's pretty simple if you ask me. It doesn't have to be complicated, it's just a fucking meal.” Twisting around, her small bag fell to her forearm. “I feel dinner is owed for what you did to help me out. But that's it, just dinner, nothing more.” “That's what I said. Come on, you said you love sushi, this is a free fish meal. You can't really pass that up.” Raising my brows, I shot her a crooked grin. “Please. Don't make me beg, just come keep me company.” Sludging forward, her feet looked like they weighed a ton. Avni was
walking as if her shoes were made of concrete blocks, the heavy weights trying to hold her in place. “Alright, you convinced me. Sushi is like a magic word in my world, but this is it.” Fanning her hand out, she drew a line in front of her. “Dinner and then I'm going home.” “That's all I ask,” I said, stretching my arm out. Wrapping my fingers around her wrist, I tugged her in closer. “ Then I'll make sure you get home safe.” “Alright, deal.” Her waist rocked back and forth, toe twisting into the pavement. She looked nervous, holding a thin smile across her face, eyes still and motionless; as if the muscles in her
sockets had gone limp, halting any natural impulse to move. All I wanted was to enjoy a nice dinner with her, and maybe some small talk. Innocent small talk; mostly. The animal side of me wanted to ravage her, tear her clothes off her body and make her scream my name. But she obviously wasn't feeling the same, or at least she was trying her best to push that down and away. All her body language up to that point was leaning towards an open invitation for a good fuck. She wasn't making this easy, Avni had been playing hardball since last night. But her eyes when we first sat
down said more than the words floating from her lips. So why did she go into a frenzy when she found out I was soldier? I had never gotten that reaction in my entire career with the Army. Avni was holding something back, something that ran deep, cutting into the bone. Slipping back into the booth, she wouldn't look me in the eye. Her face was traveling around the room, glancing at the walls and the menu. “I think I'm just going to get the Rainbow rolls, and maybe a beer.” “Sounds good to me, what kind of beer?” I asked, turning the page of the colorful menu.
“I don't know, I'm not sure yet.” Her nose wrinkled, small lines forming across the bridge. “Well, it's on me. So get whatever you want.” Folding the menu closed, I lifted my head to look at her. She was gorgeous, and I was finding it hard to not stare at her. Her bangs had fallen into her eyes, flipping her head up, she tossed them from her face. The curve of her throat was smooth and calling for me to just run my tongue over it; and God, I wanted to do that so fucking badly. Watching the skin of her neck move as she swallowed, the delicate area lifted softly, slowly rolling out. And I
wanted to bite it, run nibbles up to her lips and over her ear. “What do you think?” she asked, lowering the menu. “Hmm?” I wasn't paying attention, I had gotten so lost in just her presence I couldn't even think straight. “A Boston lager, that's what I think I want.” Avni dipped one brow, lids slit tight. “Are you even listening?” “Honestly, no.” Chuckling, I folded my hands on top of the table. Shifting my waist, I tried adjust the semi forming in my jeans. “ You're just so fucking beautiful,” I said, tugging at my bottom lip with my teeth. “Don't, you can stop right there. Just dinner, remember?” The corner of her
lip raised just a hair, I watched her muscles try and keep her mouth firm. She didn't want to smile, she didn't want to accept the compliment. But in her subtle smirk, she did. “I know, so tell me something about yourself then. Get my mind moving elsewhere, otherwise you're going to listen to me make bad pickup lines all night.” Laughing, Avni gripped her water and took a long sip. “Well, what do you want to know?” “How old are you?” “Don't you know you're never supposed to ask a lady her age?” Her head fell to her shoulder, smiling big. Her white teeth gleamed brightly under
the florescent lighting, tongue gliding smoothly over her lower lip. She wants me to not be turned on? How the hell am I supposed to do that when she's teasing my cock and doesn't even realize it. Scrunching my lips to the side, I tapped my chin. “But how do I know you're legal? You could be in high school and like older men. I have to protect myself you know.” Giggling, she tugged at her earlobe, adjusting the hoop. “I'm twenty-three, you?” “Twenty-six. Good, we're both of legal age.” Leaning back against the deep blue, patent leather cushion, it creaked with my weight pressed against
it. I almost expected it to give way, the surface was cracked, small wisps of white cotton poked through, tickling the back of my arm. A waiter scurried in our direction, holding a notepad. Standing at the table, he said, “Can I get you something to drink?” Glancing back at Avni, I held my hand up. “Ladies first.” She couldn't stop the smile that time. It spread as fast as wild fire in a dry hay bale. Stumbling on her words, she sent me a crossed glance. “Yeah, I'll have a Sam's and an order of Rainbow rolls, please.” “And for you, Sir?” The waiter asked.
Just her please. I'll take her now, later, tomorrow. The waiter was a very small man, no more than five feet tall I'd say. And it was hard for me to not laugh while giving him my order. Every word I said he followed with a long drawn out, 'ah.' Like I had just given him an in-depth explanation on how the universe came to be. Squinting at Avni as he walked away, we both lost it. The two of us let out a guttural laugh when he was finally out of earshot. “Wow, I must have given him the most interesting order of his life.” Between her chuckles, she said, “Ah, it's possible.”
That laugh, that tender delicious sonnet. It was music to my ears and motivation for my cock. The muscle jumped with need as her song played from her lips. “Ah, it sure is.” The words fell from the back of my mouth, composed of the air that was shooting out of my lungs. “Alright, so you're twenty-three. What do you do for work?” I was rambling off nonsensical questions that seemed better fit for that dating show on T.V. What was it? The Bachelor? When inside, my body was screaming for me to take her home. “I'm a support staff.” “A what?” I asked, lip curling up.
“I work with adults with disabilities in a group home.” “And that means what exactly? Like alcoholics in a half-way house?” “No, nothing like that. I work with people who were born with Autism, Down syndrome, brain injuries.” Rolling her wrist, Avni said, “That type of group home.” “Wow, that's got to be tough.” “It can be at times, but I love it. It hits home, so the job came easy to me.” “That's amazing, really. I don't think I could ever do that,” I said, looking up as the waiter placed our beers on the table. Rolling her napkin out, she fiddled with the fork. “Tell me something about you.”
“Well—” Cutting me off, Avni held her hand up. “That doesn't involve your job. Okay?” Her brows shot up her forehead, raising to her hairline. “I told you, you're having dinner with Levi.” Nodding, she sipped her drink. “Well, what do you want to know?” “Where did you grow up?” she asked, cupping her hands in her lap, leaning into the table. She looked so interested, curiosity crawling over her expression. Her eyes were open wide, barely blinking. Slender fingers raised from her lap to scratch the side of her cheek.
And again I was captivated, losing myself in every small detail of her; every inch of her body was a place I wanted to explore. But my brain was still trying desperately to place her face, her laugh; it all felt like dejavu. The time, the place, it's all an empty memory that I couldn't pull to the front. “Nebraska.” Avni's face twisted, lip curling down. “Yup, land of barren fields and cows.” “Huh, I wouldn't have thought that.” “No? You can't picture me in overalls, picking up cow patties and bailing hay?” Laughing, she started to cough, choking down her beer. “Nope, not at
all.” “Good, because I never wore overalls. But if I did...” Pausing, I brought the bottle to my lips. “I'd wear the fuck out of those things.” “Ha! I bet you would. You'd look like an alternate member of a nineties boy band. Then you'd really have to worry about those underage girls.” Winking, she sipped on her drink. The liquid sloshed over her lips, small bubbles bursting against her flesh before disappearing into her mouth. Shaking my head slightly, I laughed. “No, I don't think so. I'd never be the alternate, I'd be the lead member. Look at me...” Rolling my hands down my chest, I jerked my shoulders forward,
flexing my muscles. “No one would push me to the back.” Slapping the table, Avni's face lit up; and I swear I could see small sparks shoot across her pupils, the tiny fireworks exploded off in the distance of her deep brown eyes. “This is nice,” she said, brushing her hair behind her ear. “I'm sorry about all that before.” “Don't worry about it, it's fine.” Folding my hands together, my elbows bowed out. “No, it's not. I just...” Taking a deep breath, she said, “I just have a lot of shit I'm still working out. And sometimes I overreact, but this is nice. I don't go out much, so thank you.”
I wanted to reach out, stroke her ear, and let her head fall into my hand. We all have shit from our past we needed to deal with, I was no exception. The amount of times my heart stopped briefly after my first tour from the sound of a car backfiring, or on the fourth of July... Fuck that was the worst! But over time, and with my meetings, life had started to fall back into place. I was able to find some normalcy, separate the soldier from the man. Honestly, that was all that kept me sane. Then I met her; Avni. And for the first time in ages I felt human. My nerves electrified when I saw her, the blood hit my veins full force. I wanted more of
her, and I didn't care how long it might take; I was going to make her feel the same. “I'm glad you're enjoying it, but don't get used to this.” Slouching against the seat, I rolled my head to my shoulder. “I don't usually pay.” Her giggle sent my cock straight into the zipper. Jerking my body forward, I rested my arms on the table. Fuck! How does she get me so excited with just a fucking laugh? “Shit, well then it looks like we won't be having dinner together again.” Shaking her empty bottle, she said, “So I better take advantage of this. How about another?”
“Damn, you're going to break my bank, Princess.” Pulling my wallet from my back pocket, I opened it and looked intensely at the inside. “How about we split one?” Chuckling, she let the bottle clank onto the table. “Are you fucking with me? Or should I be preparing for an old fashioned dine and dash?” “Hope you can run.” I let my eyes wildly scan the open room, freezing on the exit. “You're an asshole.” Leaning over the table, Avni shoved my arm. “You are what you eat, Sweetheart.” Smiling, I nodded my head in her direction, eyes falling towards her waste.
“Eew! Gross, you pervert.” Darting her eyes away, her palms rested flat on the table. “I can be eaten out, but that...” Shaking her head, her chin fell to her chest. “That's not my cup of tea.” “Then you haven't had it done right, it's all about the timing. All about the timing.” Bobbing my head up and down, Avni couldn't help her cheeks from lifting up high. And if she would let me, I'd give her the ride of her life. I was happy to see her loosen up, and let her guard down. Avni needed a man like me around, and soon she was going to realize it. She had just fallen into my world, and I wasn't about to let her walk out.
Chapter Five Avni Who was this guy? A Soldier, the first soldier to actually give me butterflies. And he knew it. The way he had been looking at me, riding his eyes over my body; the swarm fluttering around my stomach was in overdrive. What am I doing? Why, why, why would I torment myself like this? I had tried so hard to keep him from getting in my head, and even harder trying to keep my body from giving in. Why him? Why was he the one who had to come to my rescue?
And he called me 'V.' A nickname I thought had disappeared with my brother. That single letter sent so many emotions crashing into my soul. It felt like the letter was attached to me like an artery, feeding my heart its fuel. The instant he said it, I had chills. Medusa's snakes had caught my eyes, turning me to stone. All that was left was the heat from one letter, pinging in my ears as loud as if he said it with a megaphone. The one letter, the one voice, the one man who just hooked my heart and sang it a soft lullaby for only me to hear. Levi. His smile was intoxicating, and his body was pantie melting. Sitting across from him, three beers later... My
defenses had folded. I couldn't stop my words from spilling out, every inch of my life was spewing from my mouth with ease. Except for the one thing, the only thing I didn't ever want to speak of. That was for me, for my memories. But he would ask and I would answer. I would ask and he did the same, it was refreshing. And through all of it he made me forget that he was a solider. He really was just Levi. There was no war talk, no slang innuendos of Army lingo. He seemed to be interested in more than just fucking me like every other guy I'd come in contact with since graduating.
Those guys didn't know my brother, so as much as it was flattering to not have the look alike comparison; their sex driven pick ups turned me off. But not Levi, his drove me insane. His hands made me quiver without a touch. No, don't do this to yourself. A thank you dinner, that's all this is. I had to intentionally remind myself why I was there. This wasn't a regular date, it was a formality for his help. When Levi told me he was a good listener... I thought he was just blowing smoke up my ass; I was wrong. He looked at me when I spoke, with the occasional drift of the eyes from my face to my lips, to my chest. And when
he reached my chest his eyes would dart back up with a forced snap. Flutters hit my lungs, goosebumps craved to be stroked back down into the flesh they crept from. The deepness of his gaze made me shiver with each flick of his eyes. “So you're telling me your mother was once married to Flynn Douglas? The famous Flynn Douglas from all those amazing movies in the eighties?” Chuckling, I sucked down the last drop of my drink. “That's what I said, and let me tell you...” Lifting his hand to flag down the waiter, he leaned back in his seat. “He's not nearly as funny as the movies made him out to be.”
“Wow, that's crazy. It had to be weird to live with a movie star, right?” Shrugging one shoulder, Levi scrunched his nose. “It isn't as weird as you might think. He's still a normal guy, no different than anyone else. He eats, sleeps, and shits; just like the rest of us.” “Another round?” The waiter asked, clearing the empty bottles from the table. Pointing at me, he asked, “You want another?” “No, I think I'm all set.” Glancing around the room, everything was glowing with a fuzzy haze. My light buzz had slowly crept in, and that feeling of the room starting to sway was taking hold.
“Just the check please.” Nodding, the waiter left the slip on the table and headed back towards the kitchen. “I had fun tonight,” Levi said, flipping the bills from his wallet. Shaking my head 'yes,' I twisted a strand of hair up to my scalp. “Me too, this was nice. It's been a long time since I've felt this relaxed.” “You know, we could totally do this again. And hey, I'll even let you pay next time.” Winking, he slapped the table top, and started to push back from his seat. “Ready?” I didn't know what had come over me, or what force caused the sentence to flow from my lips; but when it did, I
couldn't stop it. “We could go back to my place and watch a movie.” The smile that spread across his face was electric, hitting his ears with power. “Really? Are you sure of that, or is this just the beer talking?” “It could be the beer or not, does it matter?” A sultry look flooded my expression. I had the overwhelming urge to touch him. I wanted to feel his hard body, trace the lines of ink that decorated his arms. Avni! What are you doing? You know you can't, you can't do this. Even with the thought coating my brain, it was drowned out by him; by Levi and his presence, by the massive imprint he was burning into my head.
And I couldn't shake him out, couldn't turn off the switch that was rendering me helpless to the desire pooling in my chest. “I don't want it to matter, and normally I'd have you laid up on your back by now.” Dragging his nails through his hair, his body went loose. “But it does matter, I can't if you're drunk. I just can't. Let me get you home.” The heaviness of his arm fell over my shoulder, squeezing me in tight. And it felt... Perfect. Walking back to my apartment, the sidewalk seemed more uneven than usual. It took me a moment to realize it wasn't the sidewalk; it was me.
I was never much of a drinker, and the few beers I had did a number on my ability to walk straight. Levi was keeping me steady, holding me up from falling flat on my face. “So this makes two,” he said, stepping up to the front door of my apartment. “I just keep tacking them on, huh?” I asked, pushing my hip against the railing to balance myself, I turned to face him. “Don't worry, I won't keep track, as long as you let me call you tomorrow.” Sliding his hand down my arm, he drew small circles over my wrist. “Well, you'll just have to try and see if I answer.” Teasing the hem of his shirt, my eyes locked on his. And I could feel him, feel the way he was looking at me.
Levi didn't have the look other guys did. He wasn't fucking me with his eyes, or trying to force himself up into my place; he wasn't taking advantage of the situation. I knew if he had agreed, if he let his cock do the talking, I'd be inside with him getting my brains fucked out. And even though that raw desire was riding my spine like a million grains of sand, I was happy he didn't. Watching his eyes shift, they moved around my face. Drawing his hand up, he brushed the apple of my cheek, and I felt my skin flush. The fire hit my face, spreading its fingers over my body. The tingles were numbing, flooding my spinal cord. And I couldn't stop it, I
didn't want to stop it. Leaning in slowly, Levi pressed his lips against my forehead. “Goodnight, Avni.” Turning, he stepped off the landing. On impulse I grabbed his shoulder. “Wait,” I said, fingers curling into his hair. Driving my lips onto his, I kissed him. And my entire body went up in flames. His tongue danced across the ridges of my mouth, coiling around mine. Sliding my hands up, I tugged on his roots, twining around his dirty blonde hair. Levi wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me with steel muscles.
Pushing himself back, his fingers dug into my hips. He stood motionless, gazing into my eyes. Bringing two fingers to his face, he ran them over his lips. “See you later, Princess.” Slowly turning away, a fleshy grin filled his face, tongue riding across his teeth. And I watched him go, unable to pull myself off the railing. He wasn't the man I pegged him for, he wasn't a sex-driven man whore. Levi... He was something different. And for the first time, I wanted more. ***
Flopping down onto my couch, I kicked off my shoes. T jumped up into my lap, attempting to lick my face over and over. Pushing his tiny head away, I asked, “What do you think of Levi?” Scratching his scalp, he peered up at me, ears perking as I spoke. Letting my head fall into the cushion, I closed my lids. Levi was hanging in my eyes, hovering in the mix of blackness against the thin layer of skin. Why does he have to be a soldier? I can't date a soldier, I just can't. I had made a promise to myself, a promise I needed to stay true to. I didn't want to ever go through that again, the pain was too much. It had all been too much.
And no matter how hard I tried to push him from my mind, I couldn't. He was strangling my every thought. The way his muscles felt when he pulled me in close sent electricity crackling through my veins. Just thinking about him was turning my pussy into a watery mess. Slipping my legs free of my jeans, I lifted them onto the couch. Rolling to my side, I could feel my still heated body yearning to be touched. Squeezing my eyes tighter, I tried to force myself to sleep. But Levi just sat on my brain like hot tar. His shirtless chiseled body kept popping into the blackness. The formed ripples of muscle across his chest, the
intense pop of colors across his flesh. I wanted to touch him, stroke the hardness of pleasure his body would consume me with. Slowly walking my fingers over my thigh, I gently brushed the tender flesh. I pictured his hands, his thick fingers; the massive erection he wore when he got up. Flicking my panties to the side, I started to stroke my pussy. The single finger danced over my lips, teasing the entrance. I wanted that finger to be his, I wanted to feel the warmth of his breath float across my belly as he danced around my sensitive button. I wonder if his touch is as firm as his arms? Would
he be gentle, or would he just take what he wanted? And what I wanted to give. Rubbing my clit faster, I could feel the juice thicken, aching for his cock. I tried to imagine what it looked like, and how thick it would be. From the look of his pants, there was more of him to give than I ever experienced before. Dipping my finger inside my pussy, a soft moan escaped my lips. Raising my other hand to my breast, I pinched my hardened nipple. Tingles started to course through my body, the flutters emanating up from my belly. Slipping a second finger inside, I worked my hand faster. Pumping it in
and out, thumb flirting with my swollen clit. In my head it was Levi's hands bringing me to climax, causing the intense buzzing hitting me in the core. Then our kiss, reliving the taste of his lips against mine; it drove me over the edge. My entire frame began to shake, the orgasm coating my hand in one quick swoosh. Cupping my mound, I curled my legs over my hands, coiling into a small ball on the couch. What am I doing? Why am I doing this to myself? Deep down I knew I could never let myself have any true feelings for him. I made a promise to never have another soldier in my life.
Exhaling a heavy breath, I let my body drift off to sleep. The soft whimper in my ear, turned into a loud bark. “What?” I said, rolling onto my back. The awful sound cut into my head, twisting at the pain sitting behind my eyes. And this is why I don't drink. A few beers, that was all it took. Call me a cheap date, call me a lightweight; regardless... This sucked. Thumbing my temples, my dog nipped at my elbow. “Stop it, what do you want?” Opening one eye, I peered at him. The instant he saw my eye open, Mr. T ran over to the door, scratching at the base. “You need to go out.”
Grunting, I lifted myself up, resting my head for a moment on my hands. I tried to open my eyes fully, but it hurt. Blinking rapidly, the glare from the sun sent my eyes into shock. And the pain; well that just grew tenfold. Finally forcing my lids open, my tiny dog was doing circles around the doorway. “Alright, alright. Give me one minute.” Grabbing a pair of pants from my room, I slid them up. The last thing I wanted to do was step outside into the full blown light of the sun, but if I didn't want a mess on my floor, I had no choice. Maybe a little fresh air would help me feel better.
Standing, my legs felt wobbly and unsteady. I was trying to collect my thoughts, get my mind to go straight. A heaviness was sitting on my chest, a realization of what I had done the night before. I kissed him. I fucking kissed the man I knew I could never be with. How the hell did I let myself get wrapped up in him? Levi was everything I swore myself against. He was a soldier, and I knew what happened when that was your career. I learned that first hand, and I could never knowingly put myself through that again. Fucking booze! Clouding my brain. I hope he doesn't call me, just let him
disappear into a distant memory. But I knew that was easier said than done. There was something about him that drove me wild, and deep down... He had wrapped a piece of himself around my soul. How? I wasn't sure, but he did. Grabbing the leash off the table, I hooked it in my dog's collar and opened the door like I was walking into the apocalypse. Squinting my eyes, I held my hand up to block the glare. T bolted down the steps, and jerked me forward. “Slow down, we're going.” Taking a deep breath, I let the fresh morning air fill my lungs. It felt sweet, sending a new burst of life into my bones.
Letting T lead the way, I followed him down the sidewalk. Sniffing everything he walked by, I let my mind drain empty. I pushed everything out and away, there was no need to overthink anything. It was just a kiss, Avni. That doesn't mean shit, it's not like you're suddenly devoting your entire life to him. Shaking my head, the world around me started to stream to life. The sounds of passing cars, the chirps of tiny birds; it all filled the empty space of my brain. And that's what I needed, a head filled with nothing but aimless sounds and no thoughts. It was bad enough I had to deal with Vito, with what my brother left for me to
clean up. But that was the weight on my shoulders, and I had to bear it. Me and me alone, because that's what you do for family. Even when they're gone. My brother was a legend in our family, and I planned to keep it that way. Watching T kick the grass, I pulled the small plastic bag from my pocket, scooping up the largest shit I had ever seen. “You know...” Scrunching my nose, I tied up the handles tight. “For such a small animal you make a big mess.” Chuckling to myself, I turned to throw it in the garbage can on the sidewalk. “Well, well, well, look who we have here.” The raspy voice filled my ears, sending chills over my spine.
Whipping my head over my shoulder, there stood Vito. The last man on earth I ever wanted to see in that moment. His hair was slicked back tight, eyes hiding behind a dark pair of sunglasses. His mouth was twirling around a toothpick, fingers gingerly rolling a pack of cigarettes. I wanted to vomit, and spit at him all at the same time. My stomach had dropped, nerves bursting at the seams. He wasn't supposed to be here, he wasn't supposed to come back for two months. And yet, here he was. Here he was standing two feet from me, filling the fresh spring air with his nasty cologne. “What are you doing here, Vito?” I asked, nostrils flaring as the words
scratched off my tongue. “Where's your friend today? You know, the prick who did this?” Pulling the glasses off his face, he had two black eyes. The deep purple bruises spread under his sockets, mixing to green at the edges. I couldn't stop myself, the laugh hit my lungs before I could even think about it. Covering the smile across my lips with my wrist, I said, “Well, don't you look pretty?” “Fuck off, Bitch.” Placing the shades back over his eyes, he tugged on the hem of his jacket. “What I told you before, well that's changing. You have one month, one.” He held his index finger up, bouncing it in the air.
All the life drained from my body, down to the very last drop. The air spilled from my lungs, my heart stopping briefly in a long pause. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I could feel my muscles start to tremble, explosions in the sinew were firing off with anger. This man had been making my life hell. And the worst part, he was trying to use my family against me. I had told him I would take care of this mess, and to leave my parents alone. My parents didn't have anything to give, everything they had went into caring for my sister. But did Vito care? Not one fucking bit.
He only cared about one thing... His money. “I assure you I'm not fucking with you, Doll.” Teasing the thin mustache staining his upper lip, Vito stepped in closer. Draping his long fingers across my shoulder, he pressed the fabric down. “I'm tired of waiting, and after the other night...” His lip curled up, snarling like a rabid dog. “Your time is running out, no more games.” Slowly, I pulled a heavy breath in through my nose. I was ready to hit this motherfucker myself. But I knew he was dangerous, knew he could end my life with a snap of his fingers. Should I have been scared? Probably, but I wasn't. Should I have
been cautious and concerned about what he might do to me? Maybe, but I wasn't. Vito was dangerous, yes. But he also displayed this aura of insecurity, a smell of bullshit. Maybe he was more talk than actions? That was the image I held onto, the ideal villain for my issue. A man who wanted what was his, but used weightless threats to cement the fear. How the fuck am I going to come up with that kind money? Fuck, Kevin! I had learned of my brother's debt on the day of his funeral, three weeks after he was gone. Real nice, right? I had just buried my best friend, my brother, and that asshole thought it was
the perfect time to trap me in an alley and threaten my life. Vito showed up out of nowhere, demanding payment for the money Kevin had promised. Money for the greedy thirst my brother had developed. I'd been able to keep that man at bay, draining my bank account, giving him everything I had saved up. All five grand, but Kevin owed double that. I had been trying to come up with a way to get out of this mess without having to go to my parents. And without having to even seriously contemplate Vito's alternative. No way in hell. I'd let him kill me first.
My brother was thought of as a hero, and I didn't want to taint his image by them finding out about this. My parents spoke so highly of Kevin, and I was afraid this would make them look at him differently. Kevin deserved to be remembered for who he was, nothing else. My parents had dealt with enough; between losing him, and having to care for my little sister. They didn't need to worry about this too. So I took the weight, took the giant bolder that was thrown onto my back. Now I needed to come up with the money to knock that fucking rock off me. I was pinned between living a coy existence and hell. The only way out
was getting him what he wanted. “And how the hell am I supposed to do that?” I asked through slit lids. “You won't let me make payments, and I told you I'd pay you each week what I could.” A wicked laugh fell off his lips as he spoke. “Honey, that's not how this business works. You have one month. I've already given you over a year, that was me trying to show sympathy.” “And if I don't, then what? Are you going to kill me?” Snapping my head to the side, I stared at Vito. The sun was shining down on his head, and I could see his beady little eyes behind the dark plastic, darting back and forth over my body. “I've got
plenty of plans for you, Honey. Don't you worry about that.” Biting his lower lip, Vito yanked a cigarette from the pack, and strolled up the street. “Fuck you! You're a fucking weak little man!” Screaming at the top of my lungs, my arms flew up over my head. And he just kept walking, head held high, back straight as an arrow. Watching him climb into his car, I couldn't help but think how casual he looked. A small plume of smoke spilled out from behind his face, rolling and morphing in the breeze. He was acting like he didn't have a care in the world. Vito had the demeanor of a guy who just had small talk with his neighbor before leaving for work. He didn't smile,
he didn't raise his eyebrows up, he didn't do a fucking thing. He just drove off not caring about anything but his money, and he was going to do anything to get it. Even if that meant trying to sell me. No fucking way! Prick. What the hell am I going to do? This sucks, it royally fucking sucks. Cupping my forehead in my hand, I dragged my fingers over my cheek. Could my life get any worse?
Chapter Six Levi Pacing around my apartment, I was kicking myself in the ass for not taking Avni up on her offer. I wanted to, fuck I wanted to. Every God damn inch of my body wanted her, and yet I couldn't take her. Why didn't I fuck her? She wanted it, she practically begged for it! The way her lips warped to fit in mine, the way her tongue licked, the intense passion that filled her eyes; she was the fuel and I was fire. But I knew I couldn't, she was drunk. That was wrong in so many ways, and I wasn't about to cross that line. I'm
not that kind of guy. If I'm going to take her, it'll be on my terms. Not by a plighted chick who only wants it in the moment, only to turn around later and regret what she did. I wasn't about to cause any woman one ounce of embarrassment; that's not how I worked. But I knew I didn't need her to be drunk to make her mine. Tugging the phone from my pocket, I scrolled to her name. Hovering my thumb over the call button, I stood in a momentary pause, unable to push it. What if she tries to dodge me? She did kiss me, and I know that wasn't in her plans for our dinner date. There was a fresh breath of air that hit my lungs when I was around her, a
second beat would flutter across my chest. And in her eyes, there was life. A bold new life I wanted to have, wanted to call mine. I wasn't about to let this girl walk out of my world, if I wanted her, I had to take her. She wasn't going to run to me, I could see that as bold as the day is bright. Dragging my hand over my jaw, I slipped my feet into my sneakers and headed out the door. Avni didn't live far from me, only a few blocks. After coming home, the Army stationed me in a quaint little town. I was happy for this placement too, I grew up in Mass, so my home town wasn't far away.
And the little city they placed me in wasn't so bad, I could walk to everything I needed. Driving always came second, if I could walk it then I did. There wasn't any need to waste the gas, especially when the shit's so fucking expensive. Besides, walking was a gift. One I wouldn't waste if I had the choice. Gripping the cold handle of the coffee shop, I pulled the door open. The cool breeze from the central air hit my face, chilling my skin. The small beads of sweat that had started to trickle down my temples began to dissipate. It had really warmed up quickly this morning, the sun beating down on me as I walked had made that clear.
My shirt was sticking to the bulges of my back, suctioning itself to my flesh. Lifting the trim, I shook my shirt up and down to let the cool air fill underneath. After ordering a couple ice coffees, I leaned my elbow against the counter, looking out the window. I wasn't that far from Avni's place, I could see it up the street. That's when I saw her walking her small dog with a man standing in front of her. The same asshole who I laid out a couple days before. What the hell is he doing? Stepping closer to the window, I watched her arms flail rapidly. Even from this distance I could tell their conversation wasn't good. I didn't wait
for the coffees, I was out that door in one long stride. “Sir, Sir!” The yell of the cashier faded into a mumbled hum as I stormed out the doorway. Hitting the pavement, I ran across the street. The blaring horns of cars passing in both directions echoed in my ears, their screeching tires ricocheted off the hot tar. But I didn't see them and in that moment I didn't care. I don't even think if one of them hit me it would've stopped me. I was a raging bull with fire burning through my chest. Every muscle in my body was tense, shaking with a violent rage over seeing that guy near her.
There was no way he was going to touch her again, I'd break his fucking fingers off this time and stuff them so far up his ass he'd taste them. If he didn't get the message last time, I was going to make sure he'd have no question that he needed to stay away from Avni. I was claiming her, she was mine. And the tattooed asshole was going to know she wasn't someone he could fuck with anymore. The sweat that had begun to disappear, emerged in one hot burst. Breaking over my spine, the water trickled down my shoulders. I was running, and didn't even realize it.
Before I could reach them, he was strolling off in the other direction. I was no more than fifty feet away, and he was gone. The ugly bastard climbed into a black Lexus, peeling out as he sped off. Eyeing the car as he drove by, my fists balled up tight. A piece of me wanted to leap out in front of his car, grab him by the neck and tear him from his seat. I didn't like seeing him next her, even the idea of him breathing the same air as her made me cringe. Avni was facing in the other direction, hand holding her bangs tight against her skull, the other resting on her hip. Walking up behind her, I watched her shoulders slump forward, body loosening.
Mr. T saw me first, his little tail wagged side to side. Dipping his feet into the ground, his butt raised in the air shaking to the same rhythm as his tail. Jerking quickly, Avni shot her eyes over her shoulder. “What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice cold and lifeless. “Are you okay?” The concern in my tone hit hard, riding my tongue with purpose. “Why the hell was he here?” “Don't worry about it, alright, Levi.” Snapping the leash, she yanked T back. “Come on, let's go.” Her eyes fell to the dog as she spoke, stepping forward to walk around me. “Wait, Avni.” I said, holding my hands up to stop her. “Who is that guy?
Why is he harassing you?” “I told you, don't worry about it.” “Look, if he's threatening you, or if you're in some kind of trouble...” I brought my hand to my neck, squeezing the back of my throat. “I'll help you.” “No, no.” Avni's words were stern, the bold syllables coating her tongue with demand. “This isn't your problem. You helped me once, and I thanked you for that. But you don't want to get involved with this, that guy is bad news. I'll figure this shit out, I always do.” “Will you just tell me what the hell he wants? Maybe I can help.” “You can't help me, nobody can.” Her head dropped to her chest, looking at me under hooded lids.
Grabbing her shoulders, I held her in place. “Look, I know you don't know me, but I want you to know me. And the one thing you're going to learn about me right now is that I'm not walking away from this. When I stepped in that night, I made your problem my problem. So I don't care what you say, I'm helping you.” Sliding my hands down to her elbows, I pulled her into my chest. Lifting her chin to my face, I let my eyes wash over her. I expected her to push me away, shove me to the side and tell me to go fuck myself. But she didn't. Her arms glided up my ribs, wrapping around my back. I felt her fingers dip into my muscles, nails dragging over the fabric. Her
lashes fluttered against her face, fanning her eyes. “Why? Why do you feel you need to help me? You don't know me either, maybe I did something really horrible and you're getting in way over your head.” “I'm a soldier, nothing can be harder than that.” Avni's eyes fell fast, darting to the pavement. Her chest released a heavy exhale, lungs driving out hard. “I know, I hate that.” The whispered voice filled my ear, the small words mostly composed of air. “Why do you hate it? What's wrong with that, huh?” Cupping her head in my hands, I forced her to look up at me. “You have all these things going on in
your head, and you won't tell me one fucking thing. I don't get it. I know you need help, and I can give you that.” “It's complicated, I don't like talking about it.” “Well, give me something. Anything. I'm willing to protect you from him, so tell me about that asshole then, tell me what you've gotten yourself into.” “Come with me.” Her fingers twined inside mine, pulling me forward. Walking towards her apartment, she let T lead the way. “Alright, you have questions, I get that. But I'm not ready to tell you everything. But I'll tell you about Vito.” “Ah, so that's the prick's name. Do you mind if I still call him Asshole?”
“Not at all.” Cracking a delicate smile, she twisted her head in my direction. And her beauty radiated off her, shining up and blinding me. I didn't like seeing her upset, sad, angry; any of the feelings that had just been streaming through her veins. I wanted her to be happy, nothing but happy. And I couldn't understand why, couldn't understand why I felt so strongly about making her world a better place. But Avni was starting to take hold of my being, her thin fingers were wrapping around my brain and making it so I couldn't think of anything else but her.
And that's exactly what I wanted. I needed her, not later, not during another time in our lives; I needed her now. The world I had been living in was filled with death and destruction. It was a world of dark images and tortured memories. I needed someone like her to breathe a new sense of life into me. That's what I felt when I was around her. And after we had dinner last night, every piece of my body knew she was special. I'd heard of love at first sight. And before her, I might have laughed in someone's face if they talked about shit like that. I would tell them they were living in a fictional world, a world filled with
dysfunctional thoughts and irrational ideas. Because that shit didn't happen. You don't just suddenly meet someone and know you love them. Now... Now I'm not so sure. Could I honestly say I was feeling love? No. Was this just strong lust? A lust that was being teased by her beauty? No. There was something here; something different and welcome and comfortable and familiar. Something that dug its nails deep into my nape and kept me wanting more, kept me wanting to come back to her.
I had spent the last two days waking to her image, dreaming of her face and her body. Her laugh was my alarm clock, her giggle was my melody of choice. I couldn't shake her from my thoughts. And I didn't want to, I had the strongest urge to keep her there. And I was willing to do whatever it took to make that my reality. Why? I didn't have that answer yet. What I was sure of was how I felt, and that was what was driving me to her. Taking one last look over her shoulder, Avni opened the door to her apartment. T ran inside, leash dragging across the laminate wood floor. Unlatching the hook, she hung the leash over the small table set by the
door. Huffing under her breath, Avni let her body fall into the couch. “Okay, so you have questions, and I'm willing to answer some.” Holding up her index finger, she sternly said, “But, if I don't like the question, I'm not answering. Understood?” Flicking her eyes up at me, she held them firmly in place. “Yeah, I get it.” Sitting down beside her, I leaned my elbows into my thighs. Folding my hands together, I twisted to look at her. “What the hell did you get yourself into?” Dragging her nails through her hair, Avni tossed the loose strands over her shoulder. “Well, I owe that guy a lot of money. That's what this boils down to,
and he came by today to tell me I needed to have it for him in one month.” Her fingers trailed over her neck, the soft flesh turning pink as her nails rolled over the surface. “How much money?” I asked, brow raising up with curiosity. “A lot.” Her face crinkled with worry, the lines crawling up over her forehead. I wasn't sure what to think. How did this girl end up owing a guy like that a lot of green? Now, I know I didn't know everything about her; but she didn't come across as someone who would even be seen in the same room with a scumbag like that.
It just didn't seem to fit, especially after getting to know her a little at dinner. She came from what seemed like a good family with strong roots. Her mother was a stay at home mom, her father was a teacher. Avni had a younger sister, and spent most of her week running shifts at a group home. Where does the greasy, dirtball, who wears cheap replica Armani suits come in? Dragging my thumb over my jaw, my lips drew in. “How did that happen?” I watched her chest rise slowly, the air spilling out heavily over her lips. “My brother,” she said, lids closing lightly as she glanced over the coffee table.
“You have a brother too?” I asked. She hadn't mentioned him the night before. Maybe there was a good reason for that? Especially if he caused this whole thing. “Yeah, but I don't want to talk about him.” Her eyes grew large, glassing over. I wasn't sure, but it looked like she wanted to cry. “That's something I can't do right now.” If there were any tears on the edge of her eyes she pulled them back in. Avni's spine firmed, back going straight as a board. “Okay, so what are you going to do? Can you ask your parents? I mean if your brother—” Cutting my words in half, she snapped her head in my direction. “No.”
The single word flew out of her mouth like a million tiny razors, slashing my suggestion into pieces. “No, I can't do that. They've been through enough, they don't need this too.” Avni looked nervous, her palms were rubbing quickly over her thighs, her breathing was short and shallow. And all I wanted to do was pull this burden off her shoulders, lift the debt she was carrying for her brother. Why didn't she want to talk about her brother? I couldn't help but wonder what he had done, where he was, or why he had left her with this horrible mess. Was he locked up?
If he was imprisoned for some sort of crime that would explain why she didn't want to talk about him. And with the creepy prick named Vito; a debt she now had to take care of for her brother; that was the only thing that made any sense, he had to be in jail. “Well, I don't care if you don't like it. I'm helping you out of this shit, I”m not letting you say no.” Her face softened, eyes growing large. “I'm serious, you don't have a choice.” Shaking her head no, her hands raised up to cover her lips. And instantly I wanted her to put them down. I didn't want her to cover the lips I so badly wanted to kiss again.
The way she tasted when I slid my tongue into her mouth, her honeyed kiss; it made my cock harden, the blood rushed from my head into my jeans, filling my shaft in one hot burst. “I can't let you do that, I just can't. Vito's an evil man, and if I can't get him what he wants then he has even worse plans for me. I don't want you mixed up in this. It's not your problem, so why would you make it yours?” “Because I need to.” Pausing, I slipped my fingers across her shoulder, teasing the ends of her hair. “Because you need me to.” Working my fingers over the back of her neck, Avni rolled her head to the side. “I'll keep you safe, Vito won't touch you. I promise.”
The sweet bare flesh of her throat shined, coated in a thin layer of sweat. Gliding my thumb over the dip of her collarbone, I squeezed hard. She let out the sexiest subtle moan, the soft heat off her lips hit my eardrums sending prickles over my entire body. My cock rose to my zipper, the engorged tip pushed painfully into the metal teeth. Gripping the hard-on in my jeans, I shifted my body closer to her. She was sitting still, eyes closed tight, hands wrapped snugly between her thighs. Massaging her neck, I leaned over, my lips hovering just above her skin. Inhaling a deep breath, the scent of daisies filled my lungs. It was
intoxicating, a rush of pure desire that I had never experienced before. Cupping her chin, I turned her towards my face. I wanted her to look at me, no more hiding inside her own head. She needed to see me, see how serious I was about helping her. Opening her eyes, the dark brown centers twinkled with a spark I hadn't seen in any other set of eyes. My heart skipped, leaping from stationary to running. The intense beat danced across my ribs, playing a song only my body could hear. Avni sat quietly, not moving closer, but not moving away. It was as if she was waiting for me, waiting for me to take control.
And I was ready for that, it was time for me to take over. No more of these games, I was about to end the push and pull of tensity between us. I was ready to stop all of that, and just make her mine. Digging my fingers into her throat, I yanked her lips onto mine. Pressing with such wanton need that our breathing began to sync up. Our chests were rising in unison, air spilling over each other in one warm gush. The taste of her mouth was just as sweet as her scent, and I wanted to taste more of her. It was as if the past few days had led up to this moment. All the sexual tension,
the raw lust; it was about to unleash. And I was taking her, all of her. Releasing the lock on her lips, I whispered. “I haven't stopped thinking about you.” Running my fingers across her forehead, I brushed the bangs away from her face. I needed to see her, every inch was worth showing. Avni's body twitched, the shiver running from her shoulders to her thighs. I watched it spread across her flesh, small goosebumps exploding over the surface. Flicking her eyes between mine, she said, “Levi, I can't do this.” “You say you can't, but your body says otherwise.” Biting my lower lip, I
trailed a finger over her thigh. “That wasn't the kiss of someone who didn't want what was sitting in front of them.” “It's not that, this runs deeper. I don't want to get hurt.” Letting her head dip, Avni looked up at me under a canopy of lashes. “That's something I won't let happen again.” Holding my palm to her cheek, I ran my thumb across her lips. “You need to stop thinking, and tell me what you're feeling?” Shrugging her shoulder, she glanced down at the floor. “I don't know.” “Yes you do. You're feeling exactly what I'm feeling, I can see it.” Placing my finger under her chin, I tipped her head up. “Tell me I'm wrong.”
Parting her lips, I could see her trying to form the words in her mind. But she couldn't say them, she knew I was right. Avni couldn't deny the chemistry between us, it was too strong to just shrug off. I felt it, and she did too. Tell me. Tell me you want me. Say what I know you're thinking. Letting my hand fall to her hip, I dug my fingers into the bone. Her ass swayed forward, thighs spreading with my grip. Twisting her neck to look at me, she gripped my fingers and peeled them away. “You're wrong. I can't do this, I think you should go.”
“Are you always this stubborn?” Crushing my palm into my thigh, I rubbed the sweat away. Avni had me burning, my body was on fire ready to explode. And she just wouldn't admit to the attraction between us. Standing up quickly, she walked to the door, and tore it open. “Please, just go.” Lifting off the couch, I walked towards her. Her eyes drifted to the floor, staring down at my feet. “You're not ready to admit I'm right, but you will be...” Raising my hand to her cheek, her head jerked away. Avni contorted her neck to avoid the touch of my fingers, and stepped back. “Trust me,
you will.” Shoving my hands into my pockets, I climbed off the stoop. Glancing over my shoulder, she was resting against the frame. Leaning on one shoulder, Avni stayed to watch me leave. For some reason, some unknown reason, she didn't want to let me get close to her. But I wasn't going to let her force me away. Avni wasn't going to be able to deny how she felt forever. That was one thing I wasn't going to allow, she was going to see it. And I was going to make her.
Chapter Seven Avni Why? Why the fuck did he have to walk into my world? Throwing myself down onto the bed, I let my head fall into the pillow. I wanted to let him in, more than I had wanted anything else in this world for a long time. Levi was the strength I needed, the happiness I'd been missing. But he was what I swore I wouldn't let in. Someone like him, someone with that kind of life, would only bring sadness and pain. A man like him came with disappointments, a life left behind. He
was in the Army, eventually he'd be called off, and I'd be here alone. That's how that shit went, I wasn't stupid. And when he was gone, I'd be left with worry and fear. I knew that first hand, and I wasn't going to be in that position again. My head felt like it was going to implode, every nerve in my brain was firing off like lighting in a thunderstorm. Breathing slowly, I forced all the oxygen out from my lungs. So why does my heart warm when he's around? Why does he have to make me feel this way? Turning my face into the feather pillow, I let out a gut-wrenching scream.
I was able to go an entire year without letting anyone in. But Levi was chipping away at the stone inside me, causing my entire defense to crumble. It took everything I had to send him away, all the strength I was able to dig up and slice that desire in half. He needed to leave; I needed him to leave. If he had stayed, I was sure I would've cracked. His touch had put me in a trance, my body was seconds away from breaking. When I was next to him my muscles trembled, all my insides turned into a boiling inferno. And as much as I wanted to let him explore every inch of me, I just couldn't.
The kiss we had, the way he coiled around my tongue with his; it was electric. I was literally melting inside like hot wax, and he could fucking tell. I had tried so hard to keep my mind clear and focused, but Levi turned my brain into a sloppy wet mess. And the little spark set deep inside my gut, the one that I had used to keep myself locked up, and closed off was growing smaller by the minute. When I finally poured gas back on the fire, it didn't have the impact I wanted it to. I wanted to feel that safety net, keep myself wrapped behind barbwire. Untouchable to anything or anyone that tried to climb over.
Instead, Levi's face was the flame burning inside me, and that scared the hell out of me. I knew what was holding me back; fear. Fear of feeling, fear of loving, fear of losing. Losing someone close was what kept me bottled up, it kept me safe. If I didn't open the door to anyone else, there was no way I would ever experience that again. Yes, I still had my parents, and my little sister; all capable of that rapid slash of pain when they were called back to their creator. But I had prepared myself for that, that moment when it was their time.
There was no room left inside me to feel for anyone else. I couldn't give myself to Levi. He might not understand why, but I didn't care. It wasn't him I needed to protect, it was me. Rolling to my back, my eyes fell to the picture on my bookshelf. An old tattered photo, that barely made it back into my hands. The corners were ripped, large folds creased across the center image. And in the middle were two faces; the faces of two innocent children. It was Kevin and me, taken almost ten years ago. We were thirteen, and you could see in our eyes that we didn't have a care in the world.
Pressing off the bed, I held the curved, hard trim of the mattress. Letting my feet swing freely, I just sank into the picture; the day it was taken, the feeling of complete and utter happiness. We were fishing, arms wrapped over each others shoulders, holding up our catches from the trip. And the smiles, they were streaming with such ease. Staring at that image, I could feel my belly warm; feel everything I had felt in that moment. It was like it had just happened, like that picture was taken days ago instead of years ago. Before Kevin was gone, before I lost the one and only person who ever truly understood me; I knew what happiness was, and I embraced it.
Now... Now I just wanted to forget it ever existed. A part of me felt like it was wrong for me to be happy, or to love. It's so much easier to feel nothing. When there's nothing to feel, there's nothing that hurts. And I still haven't stopped hurting from the loss that took our family by storm. Closing my eyes tight, Levi hung brightly behind the curtain; his broad shoulders that wrapped my body perfectly, the tender touch of his lips as they met mine. My throat began to seal shut, the intense tingles that hit me in the core just thinking about our kiss made it hard to breathe. I wanted to give myself to him,
let his cock penetrate me as deep as it could go. There was something about him that was sticking in my head, and I couldn't force him out. The way his chest rippled with vigor when he moved, he was a magnet to my fingers. Every digit wanted to stroke his abs, curl tightly over the engorged ridges of inviolable muscle. I need some air. There's too much going on in my head. Thinking had become difficult lately. I had Vito barking up my ass for the money my brother owed him, Levi tugging on the emotions I had tucked away a very long time ago, and it was becoming too much to handle.
Love was something I wanted to forget, connecting with another human being was something I wanted to avoid. Kevin had been my best friend, someone I could confide in, someone I could trust. And when everything came out, the debt, the lying, the deception he plagued our family with; I let all those feelings get buried with him. If in the end I couldn't even trust my brother, the man who put his life on the line for ours, the one who I thought told me everything and never kept a single secret... How was I supposed to trust anyone at all? How could I ever trust that Levi wouldn't do the same?
Walking to the front door, I grabbed T's leash. “T,” I called out, jingling the long black cord. “Come on, let's go for a walk.” I heard his tiny feet scamper out from the kitchen, clinking across the wood floor. In a blink he was sitting at my feet, wagging his tail. Clipping the metal onto his collar, I opened the door. The sun felt fresh and warm on my face, the breeze sent a rush of cool air down my throat. Hitting the pavement, I let my dog lead the way. It didn't matter to me where we went, so long as it took me far away from what was running through my head.
Passing by a little flower stand, the bright Bluestar flowers caught my eye. Kevin's favorite color was blue, and it had been a little while since I'd gone to see him. What better day than today? I needed some guidance, and if anyone could give it to me, it was Kevin. As much as he was a pain in my ass, and obviously didn't make the best choices himself (Vito had been a perfect example of that) Kevin was really good at helping me work through issues in my life. Ironic really, how someone who made irresponsible decisions, and left his sister with a royal fucking mess, could give the best advice.
He couldn't control his own existence, but Kevin sure knew how to make me feel better. Everyone always said it was our twin connection. He could read me like a fucking book, even if I tried to hide it. And when he talked, it always calmed me down. I could listen to him, hear the actual words he was saying, and he always knew what to do. So many times I had wished he had come to me before he got himself into the mess with Vito, I was sure I could have given him the same help and guidance he always gave me. I never understood why he didn't, why he kept that secret from me.
Despite how pissed I was after Vito showed up in my world, demanding the money my brother owed him, I still needed Kevin in my life. Although, his advice now needed to come from the graces of God. It was a long shot that he'd be able to help me, but I really had no one else to turn to. He was still my brother, always my brother. And if I spent my time with him just yelling obscenities at a blank expression, so be it. Even a little screaming might help release some of the tension gripping my spine. What did I have to lose? Pulling my card from my wallet, I bought a small bouquet of flowers, and
headed towards the cemetary. It was a short distance away, about twenty minutes on foot. And the sounds surrounding me were welcomed into my ears. On most days the hustle and bustle of the street, the multitude of cars, and the constant noises of construction, were irritating. Usually I would cuss at the annoying sounds, flipping off my window in the early morning when the new building going up across the street came to life at the bright hour of seven. But not today, today those sounds filled my brain with something other than my own voice. And for the first time
ever, I thanked Frank's construction as I walked by the dirt parking lot. The soft tap of my sneakers against the asphalt broke into my ears, a dulled tempo beat through the repeating smacks of my soles. I started counting the hits, humming to the music of my feet as I walked. The gray stone wall emerged over the hill in front of me, the rusty iron gate clanked in place as the wind blew it against the latch holding it closed. Even though it had been months since I had been to visit my brother, everything still looked the same. The grass was trimmed short, the trees were pruned to look like they belonged in a magazine, even the
walking path was manicured to perfection. No stone seemed out of place, they all looked meticulously carved into the dirt, resting in the notches the earth had created for that individual piece of rock. Following the path down, my dog knew the way by heart. He had come with me so many times before, T knew exactly where we needed to go. Which was perfect, I still didn't want to have to think, I was more than happy to let him lead the way. I could feel my palms begin to clam up, tongue swelling in the back of my throat. Squeezing firmly around the stems of the flowers, I swallowed hard.
I wasn't sure why I had suddenly felt so nervous. But I did. My stomach was churning with knots, my chest was heavy, and I was having trouble breathing. I hated that feeling, that uncomfortable aching that started to flood my body. You've been here so many times before, Avni. Relax. But this feeling hit me every time I stepped foot inside those walls. I knew it would subside, knew it would eventually fade. The question I always found myself asking was; 'How long till I accept this?'
Accepting my brother's fate was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. And no matter how many times I reminded myself that I couldn't change a damn thing, I haven't been able to move past it. And I'm not sure I ever would. There was a hole in my life, a hole in my heart. My best friend had been swept up, yanked from my grasp. I always knew life was unpredictable, I just never had it thrown in my face like that. When you're a kid you think you're unstoppable, that nothing bad will ever happen to you, or anyone you love. Not in your world, no it couldn't possibly happen to you.
But it can, and for me... It changed everything.
Chapter Eight Levi Avni had sent me away, she said I was wrong about how she felt. But I knew the truth, I knew what she was feeling. I wasn't wrong, I could see it, she had it painted all over her body. Her thighs had separated, her chest was rising and falling with wanton need. The sparkle in her eye was a burst that reflected all the hints of color that made up her brown gaze. I watched the tints of orange, the deep yellows, the splashes of gold, all under veiled lids as she tried to regain control of her body. And why? Because I was seeping into her, every piece of her was
screaming to let me in. But I couldn't understand why she was so resistant, what was holding her back from letting me take her. Was it all because I was a soldier? It just didn't make sense. The kiss we had, the passion that streamed to life when our lips touched, it sent a surge through my cock. I was hard the instant her soft skin pressed against mine, and I ached to feel how warm her pussy was when it pulled me in. Kicking a flattened can across the sidewalk, I drove my hands into my pockets. I was determined to figure her out, and once I did... Avni was going to be devoured.
I wanted nothing more than to feel all of her, feel her lips wrap around my thick shaft. In my head I saw myself tracing my fingers across her stomach, watching her shiver and shake as I made my way down to her pussy. I would dip my fingers inside slowly, tease her till she was screaming for me to fuck her. The quiet of the street had taken me by surprise. I had just been listening to the rampaging sound of a power drill hitting pavement. Now, all I could hear was the soft hum of wind whispering in my ears. Looking around, I noticed I'd wandered off course. I had been heading home, but in the end I had walked well
past where my place was. Glancing at my phone, I realized I had been walking for over an hour. There was a large sign ahead, an old green brass sign that read Glenwood. The words were scripted across the top in an arch, the walls holding up the large metal structure were breaking away at the corners. And off in the distance I heard screaming, a loud screeching yell that was hitting my eardrums. But it didn't sound like a distressed call, it sounded angry, and harsh. Not the type of sound I expected to hear radiating from inside those walls. Curiosity had stretched around my insides, I had to see what the hell was
going on in there. The pitch of the voice was rattling off in an echo, getting higher, then lower. The tone floated over the wind, following the swirls of the breeze up around the trees as they blew side to side. What the hell is going on? Why are they yelling like that? Stepping through the gate, I followed the path towards the voice. Straining to hear the words that made up the sound, I was able to piece together some of what was being said. 'How could you?! You left us and left me! You're an asshole!' Slowing my pace, I crept down the beaten path, still taking in the anger
behind the voice. 'We needed you, we all needed you! But you had to go, had to go and put yourself in that situation! And you left me with this? I haven't told Mom or Dad, I can't. They think you're a fucking saint, a true hero.' Rounding the corner, I stopped short. The woman's back was facing me, but I knew instantly who it was... Avni. Who is she talking to? Why is she here yelling at the top of her lungs in a cemetery? Her head was hanging down, arms fitted to her hips. Her legs were twitching, one foot would lift up and
come down, then the other repeated the same motion. She looked like a child throwing a temper tantrum, stomping her feet in a rage. T was sitting by her side, ears lifted, head cocked up just watching her. Avni's voice turned to a soft plea, a delicate strain for forgiveness. “I'm sorry, I'm just really pissed. This shit sucks, Kev. And I don't know what the fuck to do. I wish I could just see you one more time, or hear you what you have to say.” Her shoulders slumped forward, neck curving lower to her chest. “I know you did the right thing, I don't want you to think I don't. But it just sucks, I never
saw this coming. And I guess I should have.” Stepping closer, the small break of a branch snapped under my foot. Her tiny protector jumped a mile, whipping around and growling briefly. Avni spun on one foot, her hair spreading across her face, blocking her view for a moment. Throwing her hands up to swipe the strands away, her eyes grew to the size of the sun. She looked shocked, angry, sad; a mix of so many different emotions had swept her face. “Hey,” I said awkwardly. I wasn't sure what to say exactly, and she definitely didn't expect to see me there.
Digging a hand deeper into my pocket, the other flew up cupping the back of my neck. “Are you following me now?” The question pushed off her tongue with force, brows knitted in a frown. “What the hell are you doing here?” “No, no I'm not. I was walking by, and I heard yelling. I didn't know it was you, not until I came around the corner.” Stepping in, I anchored her attention. “Are you alright?” “I'm fine.” Crossing her arms over her chest, she tucked her hands in deep. “Can you please go now?” “Are you sure? Who are you yelling at?” Leaning in over her shoulder, I looked towards the ground.
A small square headstone was laid behind her, a bright bushel of blue flowers were spread across the grass in front. My eyes flicked across the name set deep into the stone. Kevin Boyd: January twenty-first, nineteen ninety-three to March thirteenth, twothousand fifteen. Beloved son, brother, and soldier. “Love conquers all, and all conquers life.” My muscles tensed, heart leaping into my gut. No, there's no way. Searching the depths of her face, Avni bit at her thumbnail. Her eyes were shining like glass, holding back the tears I knew had been streaming before.
I could see the streaks through her makeup, the small trails had created thin river shaped stencils over her skin. Each one swept in a different direction, rolling over her cheeks and breaking off at her chin. “I was yelling at my brother, his name was Kevin.” “I'm sorry, I had no idea.” Dragging my fingers through my hair, I tugged it tight against my skull. “Honestly, after everything you said about Vito, I thought your brother was locked up.” Tell her. Tell her. No. Not now. Shaking her head no, Avni's eyes darted over the light gray stone. “No, not jail. He...” Inhaling a large breath of air,
she exhaled hard in one large whoosh. “He was a soldier, just like you.” “What happened?” Holding my hand up, it bounced in the air. “I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Forget I asked.” “No, it's okay.” Her hands fell to rest on her lower back, hips swaying nervously. “Kevin was on active duty, stationed in Afghanistan. He was doing a patrol with a few other guys from his section and well...” Pausing, she tugged at her bottom lip. “They hit an IED, and he didn't make it.” A soft tear escaped her lid, cresting the edge and riding over her cheek. Wiping it away, Avni rubbed her palm against her thigh. “We were
twins, losing him has been really tough on me.” Suddenly, it all started to make sense. Her refusal to let me in, her stiff emotions when she found out I was a soldier. It was all sinking in, everything she had said, how she had acted. “So this is why, this is why you were so upset over me being a soldier?” I wanted to grab her, cradle her in my arms. Say anything and everything I could to make her pain disappear. Her lips turned down, pulling tight against her face. “Yes. I know what happens, and I know how much it hurts.” “Avni, just because your brother—”
“Stop, just stop.” Flipping her hand up, her eyes shot towards the sky. “I don't want to get into this.” Sliding my hand over my jaw, I gripped my chin. “You can't close yourself off because you lost someone you love.” “No? Why not?” Avni's back snapped straight, arms hanging tight by her side. “Who are you to tell me what I should or shouldn't do?” “I'm someone who knows what you're feeling, I understand what you've been through.” “Just because you think you understand doesn't mean you actually do. I know you probably lost some brothers out there, Kevin had too. But that's not
the same, when it's your flesh and blood it's different.” My lip curled down at the corner of my mouth, looking at her in disbelief, I said, “Come with me.” “What? No.” Her nostrils flared, eyes narrowing to crinkled slits. “Just come with me, I have something to show you.” Holding my hand out, I lightly gripped her fingers. “Please, I think you'll understand me better. And maybe even yourself too.” Tugging at her lower lip with her teeth, Avni's eyes shifted between the ground and my face. “Levi, I don't think —” “Avni, just let me show you. Trust me this one time.”
Nodding her head with a reluctant 'yes,' her fingers twined inside mine. “Alright, alright.” Her voice was as soft as the sound of the flowers blowing around us. I knew that if she would just let me bring her into my world, she'd be able to see I knew exactly what she was feeling. Our lives weren't that different, we just dealt with death very differently. Avni wanted to shelter herself from it, keep the world out so that pain wouldn't be able to get in. I embraced death, living everyday like it was going to be my last. And I wanted to show her what she was missing, what she could have, and what she was keeping at arms length.
Being in the Army was the hardest thing I'd ever done with my life, but it also brought me the most pride. My life had meaning, I had a purpose. And right here, right now, Avni was my purpose. We were brought together for a reason, and I believed that. In my world, nothing happened without a reason. Everything had a purpose. For me to keep going, I had to believe that. And I believed in it more than ever right then. ***
The walk to my house was quiet and solemn. She wouldn't talk, only stepping a foot in front of me to keep her distance. Her slender fingers coiled around T's leash to pull him tight as we stepped up the stairs to my door. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my keys. “I think this might help you.” “Oh yeah, you think what you have behind that door can help me?” Rolling her eyes, she let her head fall back. “We'll see about that.” A smile cracked across my cheek, reaching to my ear. “You're going to eat those words.” Chuckling, I popped the heavy wood open. “Come on in.” Avni stepped awkwardly into my living room. She was holding her sides,
glancing around at the room. “Is T alright in here? You don't mind?” Nodding that it was fine, she walked over to the armchair, fingers gliding across the top. “Cute place,” she said, draping a single finger over the lampshade and circling the thin edge. “Thanks, I like it.” Closing the door, I threw my keys onto the end table. “I'm surprised it's so clean. I would've thought you'd lived like your typical bachelor.” Working her way around to a tall cabinet stuffed in the corner, she leaned in to look inside. “Typical bachelor?” I asked, raising a thin brow. “Yeah, you know. Dirty, beer cans littering the floor, clothes everywhere
like your laundry basket threw up; bachelor pad.” Her mouth tugged up a hair, curving to meet her high cheek bones. There's a little smile. I love seeing that smile. “Nope, not me. I've been trained to keep a tidy home. The Army, they even get you when you're not on duty.” Laughing, I walked across the carpet towards her. Standing behind her, Avni's face was fixed inside the old mahogany cabinet I inherited years ago from my grandfather. There were two large glass panes with silver curved handles that met in the middle. The moldings had intricate
carvings that were burned into the hard wood. The shelves inside were filled with his old war memorabilia. The flag the Navy handed my grandmother the day he died was folded up, securely displayed on the center shelf. The bullet casings from the salute were laid out in front of the flag. “Is this what you wanted to show me?” she asked, turning her head over her shoulder to look at me. “It's one of the things.” Placing my hand on her shoulder, I hovered over her neck. She still smelled just as amazing, even with her mid-day sun fit at the cemetery.
The streaks from crying were still visible on her skin, and for some reason I had the urge to taste her flesh. I wanted to run my tongue over her neck, find out if she tasted as sweet as she smelled. Inhaling a soft deep breath, I let that image linger in my mind. My tongue, her throat, the intoxicating scent wafting up into my senses; it was making me painfully hard. “One of the things?” “See that picture right there? The black and white one?” Shaking her head 'yes,' she leaned in closer to the glass. “Who's that?” “That's my grandfather, he was in the Navy. And the stories he had for me as a kid...” A light laugh hit my throat,
escaping over her neck. I watched the prickles shoot up, breaking across her skin. And my body shivered with her reaction. “Well they were interesting and colorful to say the least.” Giggling, she said, “I bet.” Moving her eyes around the many different military items, she lifted her finger to point at another photo. “Who's that?” “That's the other thing I wanted to show you. That's my father, Nicholas Hite, First Lieutenant of the Marine Corps.” “Wow, so you're a family of military men. That's amazing.” “I guess it's in our blood. But my mother didn't want me to join, she
begged me to stay home, because of fear.” “Well, I don't blame her. You're her son, of course she wouldn't want you to go. But I'm also a little surprised. You have a family legacy of great men here.” Her hand came up, gently touching the glass. “Yeah, we do. But she lost her husband, and I lost my father. He was killed in the Gulf War, taken from us just like you lost your brother. I was a just a baby then, barely one at the time.” Brushing Avni's hair behind her ear, she twisted to look up at me. “So I know exactly what you feel.” She was hunched over, hanging in a momentary state of suspension. She
looked frozen, her eyes holding firmly on mine. I knew that in her mind she felt alone, felt a loss she didn't think anyone around her would understand. But I did, completely and fully. “I'm... I'm sorry you lost your dad.” Her words spilled from her mouth, lost in whatever was running through her head. “It's alright. I just wanted to show you that you're not alone. And I want you to understand your life doesn't have to end just because your brother Kevin was taken from you. He did an honorary thing, Avni. He was out there protecting this country for you and everyone else.”
The hardness of her eyes had faded, delicate lines ran up over her forehead. “I know, but it's hard for me to accept.” There was more I wanted to tell her, but couldn't. I wasn't sure how she'd react. What I was keeping from her, what I was holding inside was so much more than I thought she could handle at the moment. I will tell her. When she's ready. I had a story for Avni, one she needed to hear, one that would take her from this world into the next. But right now, she was a rolling storm. And when the time came, I would know. It just wasn't now. “There's something else I want to show you.” Wrapping my fingers over
the hem of my jeans, I popped the button free. “Whoa! Hold on, wait a minute here.” Throwing her hands up, Avni's shoulders jerked square. “Stop, I'm not about to rip my cock out.” Holding the cool metal button, I gripped the zipper. “Unless you want me to. I won't think any less of you if you feel the need see it. I mean it is pretty awesome—” She couldn't hold in her laughter. The loud burst hit the back of her throat, emerging in one giant gasp. “Alright, calm down now, Ron Jeremy.” Rolling my pants over my thighs, I stopped at my knee. “I wanted to show you this.” Turning my leg, I rested my
hand against the hardened muscle. “I got this from an IED.” Her eyes fell to the large scar crossing my upper thigh, it zigzagged over the flesh, dipping in where the doctors had to graft skin and cover the mess. “Levi, I... Oh my God.” Avni's hands lifted to her mouth, cupping her dampened lips. “You were wounded, and you still serve?” “Yeah, that's my job. To protect and serve, and I'd do it all over again. I will do it all over again, my legs work just fine, all I'm doing is waiting for that call. And I wouldn't think twice about choosing to go back there.”
My second chance at life was an eye opener. It happened over a year and a half ago, and it took me months to heal. The minute I was able to pass the physical test, I offered my services. Fuck, I demanded they use me. I knew I had to get back out there. I'd been lucky, and with so many fallen men, it didn't feel right knowing I could still be helping and not use my second chance. I had my own savior, and now I was going to save her. “I feel like such an asshole. How can I be so selfish?” she asked, letting her arms fall limp. “I've been so pissed about the whole thing. It hurts, Levi.” “You're not selfish, Avni. You miss your brother, and there's nothing wrong
with that. But you can't live your life cooped up in some small apartment, locked away from people around you who care. What kind of life is that? Would Kevin want that for you?” “No, but I'm so damn afraid of going through that again. I don't think I could handle it.” “Look, the reason I wanted to show you this shit is because you can't go through life avoiding the hurt and pain. It happens.” Stepping in closer, I curled my hands under her jaw. “But if you don't feel the pain, then you never truly experience the happiness life has to offer. A life without hurting is a life without emotion. When you let yourself
feel it all, that's when you know you're alive.” Avni's palms wrapped around my wrists, squeezing with all the emotions she had bottled up for so long. Her eyes were floating in a sea of sadness, anger, loss; and I was going to take that all away. If she would let me in, let me show her what life could be like when you let yourself really feel everything... She'd wake up to a whole new world. A world of joy, smiles, love. And if the pain tried to claw its way back into her soul, I'd make sure she knew it would pass. It always passes. Pain doesn't last forever, but love does.
Chapter Nine Levi Standing in her doorway, Avni twisted her toe against the wood. Her knee was bent, leg dipping in and out. I wanted to reach out and trace her hip, let the smooth fabric guide me into all her tender places. Leaning into the frame, I couldn't stop myself from eyeing her body. Avni had on a soft purple tank top, her breasts were plumped up against the collar. The tight black yoga pants hugged her body to perfection, following all her curves flawlessly. And I wanted to tear every article of clothing off her skin, toss it to the side
and let her naked form fill my eyes. Watching her chest rise and fall, small beads of sweat trickled over her tits, following the crease and disappearing inside. My brain was in overdrive, the idea of following the droplets with my tongue crept into the images coating my mind. God, I just want to fuck her. I'm done with this cat and mouse game. “You want to come in?” she asked, twining her fingers together nervously against her waist. “I was already planning on doing that.” Thumbing the loop on my jeans, I tugged them down gently. The lower part of my abs emerged as my free hand lifted the edge of my gray
shirt. Avni glanced down quickly, jerking her head up the moment she caught her reaction. Her eyes were stuck on mine, opened wide and not blinking. I was trying to figure out what she was thinking. She had asked me to come in, but I wasn't sure if she was running every little scenario through her head. Is she still fearful of me? Or is it just what she's feeling? But I wasn't about to let her indecisive nature block me, I was going to fuck her. My mind had been made up, no more of this bullshit. She wanted me just as badly as I wanted her, and if she wasn't ready to
admit it... I was ready to show her. Avni's lips turned up as she twisted and walked inside, leaving me standing in the open doorway. “You knew that too.” Closing the door behind me, I made my way into her living room. I couldn't take my eyes off her, every move she made caused my cock to jolt. Leaning over, her ass pushed out as she toed her shoes off and kicked them under the coffee table. Stepping in behind her, her small frame swiftly whipped around. Before I had time to react, her hands were gripping the roots of my hair, yanking my face into hers.
Avni pushed her mouth against mine, kissing me with so much force I almost toppled backwards. And I didn't try to stop her, this was all her. She had moved on me, and she wasn't drunk this time. There was no way in hell I was going to let her go, let her push me away again. The heat off her body was electric, sending shock waves into my core. I could feel the buzzing across my skin, climbing over my stomach and hitting my dick violently. I was erect before her tongue even touched the inside of my mouth. Wrapping my fingers around her hips, I pulled her into my chest. Our lips
were sealed, tongues moving wildly around each other. Standing on her tippy toes, she held the base of my neck as she drove her mouth down harder. My mind had gone blank, pure desire had taken hold. I was finally going to have what I've wanted, what I've yearned for since seeing her that first night. This woman had taken over my brain, making it hard for me to think at all. And now, now she was mine. Breathing hard, Avni unlocked her grip around my mouth, letting her head fall into my chest. Tangling my fingers into her hair, I yanked her neck back, forcing her eyes back on mine.
I wanted her to look at me, I wanted to know that she was really here with me now, and not off inside her own mind. Her gaze told me she was. The deep brown of her stare was hard, there was no wavering in what she wanted right in that moment. I saw her, all of her. “I need you, Levi. I need you more right now than anything else.” Her fingers walked across my neck, driving up into my hair. The soft scrape of her nails against my scalp sent chills down my spine. I felt them sweep through the bone, hitting my nerves and turning my veins solid. This was a new feeling for me, it was pure. My heart was racing,
pounding so hard against my ribs I expected it crash through my chest. I was so used to being made of bricks, a solid mass of pure stone; but right here... Avni had hit me with something else. I felt alive, alive in a way I hadn't experienced. She wasn't like any of the other women I'd been with before. This time it was more than just my cock raging with life, with Avni it was my entire body. “Then let me have you.” I whispered softly into her ear, brushing my lips across the edge of her lobe. Her whole body shivered as I spoke, shoulders twitching as I forced the warm air across her skin.
Braiding her fingers into mine, Avni started towards her bedroom. Each leg stretched out slow with a sultry flare. Stepping into her room, I pressed myself into her spine. Her back arched against my chest, head falling back into my tensed muscles. Her head rolled against my collarbone, twisting up to look at me. Cupping her throat, I dragged my fingers through the center of her chest, and over the crest of her tits. Watching her chest rise, I heard the oxygen she pulled deep inside her lungs. Her eyes had closed tight, lips parted forming a soft O. Reaching her belly, I traced around her naval, curling my fingers under the
seam of her shirt. Her body emitted a heat I could feel as I peeled the cotton over her head. Gliding my hand back over the bare skin, her flesh was on fire. The skin was tinted a raw pink as she glistened under the soft glow of sunlight peeking through the blinds. Letting my hands slide further, I followed her hip, hitting her ass I squeezed hard. A light moan fell from Avni's lips as her head pushed against my shoulder. Bringing her arm up, she wrapped it around my neck, fingers clawing at my jaw. “You want me to keep going, don't you?” Plucking the hem of her pants, I let the elastic snap back against her. She
squeaked with surprise, digging her nails into my skin. “Yeah, I know you do.” Tearing away the thin fabric, I slipped the pants over her legs. On my way back up, she tore at my hair as I nibbled her smooth legs. Gliding the ridges of my teeth over her thigh, I sunk in harder leaving a light impression. “I'm making you mine, and I'm leaving my mark.” Avni was shaking, trembling under my hands. Her thighs were crossing over each other, tightening then loosening, rolling against her molten center. Pushing my nose into her panties, I slid the tip up between her lips. She was wet, dripping under the green silk cover.
I could feel the hot liquid her pussy was seeping against my face. And her scent, the sweet musk of her juice, it sent my cock straight into a frenzy. The thick muscle was rigid, pushing forcefully into my briefs and painfully into my zipper. “You touch me in a way I've never been touched before.” She pushed her pussy into my face, meeting my nose. “You can feel that, huh? The way you soaked me already.” Biting her panties, I rolled the fabric in my teeth. Letting it go, I stood, lifting her by her ass and throwing her down onto the bed. The mattress creaked, replacing any more words she was about to say.
Driving her hand into my jeans, she palmed my hard-on. A single finger ran across the shaft, curling around the tip. Using her free hand, she pushed my button free. The soft metallic pop of the teeth emerged as she lowered the zipper. My chest was heavy, muscles burning from the inside out. I was surprised at how hard it was for me to breathe. All of my mind was so wrapped up in her that breathing became secondary, I had to force myself to do it. The short inhales were quick and stale, hitting my lungs like sharp needles. Grabbing the collar of my shirt, I pulled it over my head. Her eyes took in
my chest, reading the ink doused on my skin. Her slender fingers danced across the designs, tracing my abs down to the top of my jeans. Tugging my pants down, I watched her eyes grow as my cock bounced free. Wrapping her entire hand around the base, she began to stroke my length. Pulling to the head, then slamming back down on my furry base. I could feel my eyes roll back in my head, as I grunted with pleasure. “You weren't lying, it is amazing,” she said quietly, pressing herself off the mattress and smiling. “Now I'm going to fuck you, Babe. Seeing and feeling are two totally
different things. Your cunt will drip once I'm deep inside.” Inhaling a large gulp of air, I pushed her shoulders back down. Avni let her legs fall open, hips rolling underneath me in need. “Then fuck me already.” Holding her knees, I leaned in, teasing the entrance with my engorged tip. Grabbing my cock, Avni slid the head up and down the center of her pussy, coating it in her thick juice. Guiding it inside, her back arched instantly the second my tip entered. In one quick thrust, I broke her open. “Mmm,” she moaned, dragging her nails over my back. The sharp pain surged over my skin, enhancing every other pulse in my body.
Teasing her walls, I felt her pussy squeeze around me tight. Eating up my cock with each thrust, her soaked blossom clenched around my swollen muscle, milking me. She was hungry, grinding her ass up to meet my pace. Her entire body was pushing against me, thrust after thrust. Snapping the clip in the center of her bra, Avni let her tits fall free, hardened nipples standing tall. Driving my tongue down, I sucked on her breasts. The tan flesh hit my tongue, rapidly I flicked the hardened beads as I fucked her harder. I could feel my balls tighten, the fire growing in my stomach had ignited and was making its way up my chest.
Her moaning became louder, thighs tensing around my waist. “Levi! Fuck, Levi!” she yelled, lifting her head to bite down on my shoulder. I felt the quiver crawl across her body, her thighs shaking around me. That was it, I couldn't hold back. In one final thrust I filled her with my come. The tingles rode across my skin, goosebumps hitting the surface. Pulse after pulse my cock jerked inside her pussy. The thick cream shot deep into her, my cock forcing it out in fury. Falling to her chest, Avni stroked my hair, pulling on the strands and twisting them between her fingers.
“Wow,” she said between short breaths. “I have no words right now, I can't even think straight.” “Tell me about it,” I said, rolling onto my back. “I don't even think I could walk right now if I tried.” Giggling, Avni turned onto her side, head resting in her hand. And all she could do was lay there smiling. I wasn't sure how long it had been since the last time she had sex, but it looked like I just released years of tension off her shoulders. She actually looked taller, even though she was laying down. Her head was standing high, shoulders pulled back straight.
Avni looked genuinely happy there in that moment. Her skin was glowing the color of a sun kissed tan, eyes smiling just as large as her lips. And I knew, I had found her. The one who gave me all the feelings I'd always looked for. Feelings of being complete, the feelings of finding that person who makes you better. The woman who lifted my heavy heart, who made breathing easier with every smile. Avni gave me that, and I wasn't going to let her go. Even if her fear tried to force me away.
Chapter Ten Avni Watching Levi tug his pants up over his hips, I still didn't want to move. I wanted to bask in how great I felt in that moment. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so relaxed. It was something that if I had to really think about when, I would say it was long before Kevin's death. “What time is it?” Levi asked, sitting on the edge of my bed. He let his body fall back, arms resting behind his head. “I honestly don't know.” Rolling onto my stomach, I bent my legs up so my feet were dangling above my ass. “Why, you
have someplace to be?” Smirking, I held my chin up on the back of my hand. “Maybe, maybe not.” “What's that supposed to mean?” I asked, brows furrowing down. Smiling, Levi turned to face me. His hand traced the outside of my jaw, pushing the hair behind my ear. “Well, it means that it depends on what you're doing.” Laying my head onto my hands, I giggled playfully. “I'm not sure yet, getting a drink might be in my future. You up for that?” “Sounds good.” Pressing off the mattress, Levi leaned over and kissed my forehead. He smelled of sex, that lingering aroma of sweat and lust.
Closing my eyes for a brief moment, flashes of him hovering above me, muscles hardened and firm sat behind my lids. Fuck he's intoxicating. “I'm going to head home, shower, and stuff. I'll call you later, okay?” Bringing myself back, I opened my eyes in a daze. “Are you actually going to call? Or are you just going to show up again?” A smile teasingly pulled on the corner of my lip, eyes looking up at him under hooded lids. “I guess you'll just have to wait and see, but be ready by seven, Princess.” Winking, he strolled out of the room. Tossing one last glance over his rock hard shoulder, and pulling his shirt over his head.
Hearing the front door close, I couldn't stop the smile hanging on my face. I could feel my body warm, the tingles hitting my belly and spreading over my body. I just fucked the hottest guy I've ever seen. Replaying the whole scene in my head, my hands shot up to my face, shielding my eyes. I had just let myself fuck the only person I'd met that challenged my promise, and we didn't use a condom... But I'm on birth control. Okay that's good. Although my reason for the baby preventing pills wasn't exactly because I was active in the sex department.
Ironically it was just to regulate my period. But in that moment, I was grateful for its true purpose. The words of my mother came into my head, 'Make sure he wraps it.' The simple request she gave, the smart thing I should have done. And didn't. My chest felt tight, my ribs began to squeeze around my heart. The hard muscle beat faster, even knowing there was no chance I could get pregnant. That's what birth control is for, calm down. You're fine. I was shocked over what had just happened, and yet it all felt right. He had been the center of my thoughts for days,
and I had finally given myself up to all the carnal desire I had been fighting. A tiny voice began to emerge inside my head, the small sound hitting the front of my brain. Don't forget he's a soldier! You know that comes with a price, don't let yourself forget that! Levi seemed to be everything I needed, but he was everything I feared. He was a soldier, and if I let myself fall hard for that man, I could relive the same pain I went through with Kevin. That scared the shit out of me, it was the worst thing I had ever experienced. And there was always going to be the risk of Levi leaving the same way my brother did, he already had the scar to
prove it. Levi had been lucky, but how long would that luck last? I knew that I couldn't give him all of me, there was a piece of me that needed to stay protected. If I gave him my heart, if I gave him all of me down to the very last drop... And if he was torn from my world; the crash would be one I didn't think I could walk away from. Just don't let it get serious. Enjoy the fun, but keep up a guard. I had to keep a piece of my barrier up, keep reminding myself of what to expect. I knew if I did that then I could keep my heart whole. Well, as whole as it could be at this point. At least I could keep what was
left of it. Need and want are two different things. I wanted him, I didn't need him. Lust was a strong emotion that if left untamed could be the downfall to my entire world. Levi wasn't going to be the one to steal the very last piece of me I had left. I knew he had been through something similar, but we weren't the same. I was me, I was Avni. And my weakness for him wasn't going to control my life, no matter how right Levi felt. I wasn't naive, I was lonely. My world had been rocked by the loss of my brother, my best friend. And even though it'd been over a year, it still felt like it happened yesterday.
But Levi was right about one thing, I didn't need to stay cooped up in my apartment. I was ready to step out of my box and enjoy my time with him, but deep down I knew... Love was something I wasn't going to let myself feel, with love came pain. No more pain. Standing in my closet, I flipped through the sun dresses hanging on the rack. It was only May, but the weather outside felt like mid-July. The air was thick and muggy, a hot breeze was blowing across everything. Normally, being New England, it should only reach the upper sixties this time of year. But I was welcoming the summer weather.
I've always hated the winter. It's fun for the first couple of weeks, then the snow gets old and the ice made me nervous. Pulling out my favorite dress, I held it up and smiled. The soft white silk was decorated in peacock feather designs across the bottom, the top had a stretchy elastic band that fit snugly around my breasts. Searching my heels lining the top shelf, I grabbed my deep blue pumps that matched the feathers. Looking in the floor-length mirror, I held the dress to my body. This will be perfect. It had been a long time since I dressed in something fancier than yoga
pants or jeans. I really had kept myself locked away inside. If I ended up going out anywhere it was always close by and never required more than a pair of sneakers. The small bakery up the street was one of my favorite little places to grab a quick bite to eat. If I wasn't there, I was held up at home or eating at my parent's. Butterflies had been swarming my stomach all day, even after Levi left. And despite my pep talk to myself to keep calm and only think about having fun, nothing serious, I was excited to go out with him. Slipping my feet into my heels, I glazed my lids with a pop of blue, and darkened my lashes with black mascara.
Brushing my cheeks with a hint of pink blush, I twisted my bangs up and pinned them on the top of my head. Twisting around in my mirror, T sat beside me watching me with a blank expression. “What do you think?” Flopping his tongue out of his mouth, his head tilted as I looked down at him and held the bottom of my dress out. “I'll take that as a good.” Glancing at the clock, it was five of seven. He hasn't called yet, he's definitely just showing up. I had only known Levi for a few days, but certain things seemed to be in his character, like showing up unannounced.
He had done it every time so far, I was sure tonight wouldn't be any different. I was making a track across my living room, walking in circles waiting to hear him knock or hear my phone ding. Glancing back at my phone, I lit it up for the thirteenth time in five minutes to see if I missed a text. Which I knew I hadn't, I was holding my phone like it was glued in my hand. T ran over to the door, his butt shaking vigorously as his tiny legs did a dance. My head cocked up, heart jumping in my chest. Walking to the door, I placed my eye against the peephole. Levi was standing
outside, his face held close to the small peek-a-boo spot in my door. His lips were turned up, teeth bared in a giant smile. Turning the handle, I pulled the door open. “No text, or knock this time. How long have you been standing there like a weirdo on my step, and grinning like a fool?” Laughing, my hand fell to my hip. Levi's eyes expanded, licking my body up and down. “Wow.” Biting his knuckle, he took a step back. “You look incredible.” My soft pink lips raised up, tugging to my ear. “Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself.” Holding his arms out, his eyes fell to the ground. “I clean up nice, I know.” He
was wearing a fitted black t-shirt that wrapped his muscles tight, faded blue jeans, and crisp white sneakers. Turning his body in a circle, he flexed his arms. “I don't know if you're going to be able to keep your hands off me. But do your best.” “Yeah, I'll keep that in mind.” Leaning down, I patted T on the head, and shut the door behind me. “Have any place in mind for tonight?” “Nope, I figured I picked dinner, so it's your turn.” Holding his hand out, I wrapped my fingers in his. And my heart that was sitting in my throat skipped a beat. The pulsing hit a rapid pace, my skin coming alive to just the touch of his
hand. In the back of my head I kept repeating who he was; the soldier, the life that could be swept away. Settle yourself, he's off limits to your heart. “How about we go to Chester's? They have good drinks.” “Sounds good,” he said, squeezing his fingers tighter. “You really do look gorgeous. I'm going to apologize now for eyeing you all night.” “Stop.” Smacking his chest, we started walking towards the bar. Inside I was trying desperately to hold onto the small section of my wall I had standing. That one piece that kept reminding me of what could happen if I fell for this man.
But each second, that was getting harder, and fading further from my grasp. My hand fit perfectly into his, and his large frame made me feel protected. I liked that, feeling safe beside him. I wasn't sure how true he was going to be to his promise to help me out from under Vito, or how the hell he planned on taking care of it. But right then, Vito was a small thought in my head. Levi was riding my brain and making my chest hurt with each breath. My God, what the fuck am I getting myself into? I wanted to stop the feelings from flooding my veins, force them out and away. But when his hand squeezed
possessively around mine, and his eyes looked my body up and down, coming to rest on my face; my stomach muscles seized. “You don't see how beautiful you are? You have to know you're fucking sexy.” “I didn't exactly grow up with guys knocking down my front door. That's the problem with having a twin who's a guy. The boys I grew up with thought we looked identical. Except for the fact I had longer lashes... Oh and a vagina.” Lifting one finger, I flicked it in the air. “Other than that, we were spitting images of each other.” Levi laughed under his breath as he pulled me into his hip. “Well those boys
had no idea what was standing right in front of them.” His thumb drew circles over the nub of my wrist, my small hand practically disappearing in his grasp. Every muscle in my body was hot, like I was burning from the inside out. I felt my cheeks flush, the warmth coating my apples and spreading like wildfire. He was smooth, knew how to make a girl feel special. The reaction my body gave, the intense flutters hitting every nerve showed me the inexperience I had with men. I wasn't swooned as a young girl, I was never treated like I was the only woman in the world that mattered. The last boyfriend I had was over six months ago, and when he left he said
it was because I had no 'flare.' Whatever the fuck that was supposed to mean. Flare? Really? What man ever refers to a woman and her 'flare?' He wasn't a loss I really cared about, I didn't even bat an eye. I ended up diving into work, picking up extra shifts, doing little tasks that other staff didn't want to spend their free time doing. For me, it helped my mind focus. But lately my focus had been compromised by Levi. And after spending the past few days with him, he had fully inserted himself into my thoughts. I couldn't for the life of me shake him out. “Here we are,” I huffed out, drawing in a cool breath of evening air. It had started to cool down outside, true May
taking form. Loosening my grip from his, I rubbed my shoulders as we waited in line to get into the bar. Stepping behind me, Levi wrapped his enormous brick arms over mine. The warmth of his body encasing me like a human jacket made me tremble. The shiver broke across my skin, the tiny mountains climbing my flesh as they erupted to life. “Levi? Levi Hite?” A deep baritone voice hit my ears. “Holy shit! It is you, fuck man.” Levi turned towards the man, eyeing him with uncertainty. “It's me, Brian Dionne. We were in training together.” “Oh wow, how's it going? It's been a long time.” The two men slammed their
fists together, leaning in and squishing my small body between them. Brian was nearly as large as Levi. Shit, what does the army have in their water? They grow their soldiers like medical muscled giants. I thought the same thing after Kevin came home from basics. He seemed to grow three sizes in width. But he was solid, a wall of concrete with legs. Brian reminded me of Kevin a little. And the hair, the hair was almost identical. Brian's hair was cut short, faded almost to the skin on the sides. His eyebrows were large and thick, crawling across his forehead like furry caterpillars.
He was dressed in fatigues, calf-high boots laced up tight. His olive green shirt was tucked snugly into his pants. If I didn't know any better I would have thought he just dropped in here from a helicopter. “I've been good, had a little girl not long ago, married, you know...” Holding up his ring finger, Brian rolled his eyes. “Doing the whole family thing.” His eyes suddenly focused on me, finally taking in my presence. “And who is this fine piece of ass?” His tongue slid over his lip, and I instantly cringed. My shoulders slouched, leaning back into Levi, I pressed my palm into his chest. I didn't like the way Brian was eye fucking me while I stood there.
It was disgusting and he wasn't subtle about it at all. Bringing himself around front, he inched closer to me. His eyes were pale, emotionless. And it was almost like I could see the images he was letting his brain mull over. His nostril flared on one side, breathing getting heavier as he let his gaze shift around my body. Instinctively I wrapped my arms over my chest to block his view of my breasts. “You know my eyes are up here, Pervert.” “Bitch, don't—” His voice turned to a harsh gurgle, sounding like he had a mouth full of water. Throwing my head up, Levi had wrapped his hand around Brian's neck.
He was lifting him up, raising him to eye level. Brian stared at Levi, eyes bulging from the sockets as he tried to force air in to breathe. “Do not talk to her like that.” I watched Levi's knuckles whiten against his throat, nails disappearing into the skin. Brian was trying to talk, trying to breathe, trying to shake his head as he clawed at Levi's hand. “This is my woman, and you are not going to talk to her like that.” Brian's words crept out, a mix of saliva and weak oxygen. “I'm sorry, Levi. Sorry.” His fingers were wildly tugging at Levi's wrist as he attempted to keep his balance on the tips of his toes.
Levi's lips turned razor thin, teeth peeking out of his snarl. “You're going to be sorry. You just said you had a baby girl...” Breathing in through his nose, his chest puffed out. “Would you want some sick fuck talking to your daughter that way?” Brian shook his head 'no,' face turning a blended shade of red and blue. He was struggling to breathe, his eyes glossing over from the slow suffocation. And inside I was smiling. To watch Levi throw his muscle around, the raw animal that took over when that asshole called me a bitch. It sent quivers down my thighs, the intense rush hitting my toes and driving
back up like a rollercoaster riding the rails. Watching him protect me, his possessive nature to save me. He didn't even have time to think, he just acted. He was holding the muscle of Brian's neck before he had time to finish his sentence. My ribs were vibrating, heart beating so fast sweat was beading up on my shoulders. I felt the cool droplets roll down my skin, chilling my spine as they broke free. Teasing my fingers into the crease of Levi's pants, he held me firmly in place. I was safe in his arms, untouchable to the world around me. And I loved it.
Lowering Brian back down, Levi loosened his grasp. “Get the fuck out of here. Go home and tell your little girl you love her, and if I find out you so much as think about talking to another woman that way, so help me I will find you and make you wish you never crossed my path. Understand?” Brian was leaned over, panting and holding his chest. His eyes were locked on Levi, shaking his head 'yes.' He had the look of fear painted on his face as he caught his breath. With one final wave, he mouthed 'Sorry,' and took off on foot. Let me tell you, I had never seen a grown man look so afraid in my whole damn life. The mark of terror was a spark in his eyes. He didn't even glance
back at us as he ran off, he was just gone like the wind. Holding my shoulders, Levi bent down close to my face. “No one will ever treat my girl with any disrespect. I won't have it. You deserve the pedestal I'm putting you on.” Coiling my arms around his waist, I hugged him tight. “I don't need a pedestal, but I do need your help. I didn't want to admit it before, but I can't handle Vito alone. I need you, I need you to make me feel safe.” “V, you will never be hurt again. I promise you that. I'm a soldier, I'm your soldier. And I will never let anything bad happen to you.” Cupping my chin in his large palms, he flicked his eyes
between mine. “But I need something from you.” Fuck, of course he does. Nothing comes free. “What? I don't have anything, you know that. I gave everything I had to Vito already.” “I don't want money.” “Then what? What else is there?” His massive thumb traced my jaw, following the line up to my ear. “You're going to let me in, you can't close yourself off to me. I won't let you, you're mine.” My eyes fell to the ground, wildly searching the pavement for the answer I already knew. The one I had been convincing myself of since I met him.
“Levi,” flipping my neck up, I looked deep into his eyes. “I can't do that.” “Yes, you can. And you will.” “No, I can't. I can't give you what you want, I'm sorry.” Pinching his elbows gently, I ran my fingers across his arms. The strength that I desperately needed, the safety I longed for, it was all there. And I couldn't touch it. “You don't realize it yet, but I'm not asking. You're going to.” Throwing my arms up, I jerked my body in the other direction, stepping back. “Stop, I can't do that. I won't do that. You know I can't, Levi. So just leave it alone. I understand what you were trying to show me earlier, but we're not the same. I can't give myself to
you, there's a piece of me that no one can touch. Not even you.” I had gone from happy and needing him, to angry and wanting him gone. He didn't have the right to demand something I couldn't give. No matter how much I wanted him in my world, my heart wasn't whole. He couldn't have what was left. “Avni, right now you're still raw. But you won't me let go, I know you won't. And I'm not letting you go anywhere, I've claimed you. You're my woman, the more you pull, the more I'll push.” My insides had begun to tremble, I didn't like him trying to tell me what I would do. I was the one in control of what I felt... Or what I chose to give.
Not Levi, only me. He had no right to try and change that, and I wasn't letting go of Kevin. But I wasn't letting anyone else in, I had shut that down long ago. Holding my hand up, I snapped at him. “You can't do this, try all you want. But I'm done, there's nothing here for you. I need your help with Vito, but that's it. This...” Flicking a finger between us, I said, “This is simply a fling, a no feelings attached romp in the sack. That's all it was, Levi. No strings attached, I'm not looking for a love.” “You don't look for it, it happens on its own. That's naive, Avni. You can't control everything, it doesn't matter how much you want to, you can't.”
“Fuck you, watch me.” I spat, whipping around on my heels and storming off. Who does he think he is!? I can control one thing, and that's me. Levi didn't know me enough to tell me I couldn't. He'd been through a lot, and I felt for him and what he'd seen and gone through. I knew I wouldn't try and tell him how to feel about the shit he'd been through, so who the fuck was he to tell me? He's a hard-bodied soldier, he's nailed himself into my fucking head and I can't get him out. I didn't ask for this! I didn't want this!
Levi had decided to crash into my world, I didn't go looking for him. But I wasn't going to fall for him, he wasn't getting what he wanted. That wasn't for him to decide, he didn't have the right to try and tell me what my heart wanted. The clicking of heels against the sidewalk echoed in my skull, the high pumps surging pain through my heels. Slipping them off my feet, I tucked them under my arm and headed home. I knew I should have listened to my gut to begin with. I had tried to talk myself out of going with him to dinner. I should have left him in the street that night. No, no,
Avni. That would've been wrong, you couldn't do that. But I did wish I was stronger, I wished my lust to feel him against the inside of my pussy hadn't been so tempting. I had weakened to that desire, to the image of who Levi was. A solid-muscled savior, who protected me from danger. That was what made me falter to his hands, causing the rush of pure sexual need. Had I been stronger, I could have resisted him. I should have listened to myself, and I didn't. I'm done. No more Levi.
Chapter Eleven Avni Six days, it had been six days since I talked to Levi. He showed up at my place the night I stormed off, but I didn't answer. He stood outside for over an hour till finally giving up and heading home. Well, that's where I figured he had went, I could be wrong. Maybe he went out and got wasted on piss flavored beer, or the singeing flame of whiskey. I don't know, and I don't care. He can do whatever his thick headed brain decided. I didn't own him, just like he didn't own me.
Luckily, I had three twelve hour shifts at the group home to keep my mind off him, and my thoughts elsewhere. I had the split second thought that maybe he tried to come by. But I wasn't there if he did, and I was glad. I was surprised he didn't send me one text message, not one. And I checked. Over and over I kept clicking the screen throughout the day to see if he had. Catching my own disappointment over the empty message box, I shook my head. Why do I care? This is what I wanted. Why am I tormenting myself? I wanted a life free of any distractions, free of any possibility to be
hurt. That's what I had, he was gone. And yet my stomach churned with an uneasy feeling. My lungs felt heavy, chest aching from the inside out. Am I missing him? No. That wasn't possible. I had only known him for a short time, there was no way I could really be missing him. It was a stupid idea that found its way into my inner voice. You can't miss what you barely know. Could you? No. “Avni, you alright?” Rebecca, another staff in the home asked. Her curly brown hair was pulled up in a bun, a hint of green eye shadow tinted her lids.
She had become the only other person in my small world that wasn't family, the only other person I made a small space for in my life. Shoving my phone into my back pocket, I grabbed the chalk board off the counter to write down the residents dinner menu for the week. “Yeah,” I said within my breath, plopping down at the table with folded shoulders. “I'm good, it's nothing.” Her brow twisted up, jaw crooking to the side. “So why don't I believe you?” Grabbing a seat, she sat down folding her hands on the table. “Talk.” Rebecca was good at reading people. That was one reason she worked so well in the group home. She could tell
when someone was getting agitated, or upset before they exploded. And she could read me just as well. “It's nothing, I'm over thinking it really, just like I always do.” Twisting the chalk in my hands, I stared off into the blank canvas. “Would you just spill it already, don't dance around it. Spit it out, girl.” Propping her head on a balled fist, she peered at me. “I'm listening, spill it.” Taking in a deep breath, my eyes rolled up to the ceiling. “Alright, I met this guy last week, he sorta flew in like Superman and helped me out of a tight spot,” I said, chewing my lip. Rebecca didn't know about Vito, that was something that until Levi, only I
knew. Absolutely no one else. If she did know, she would yell at me to go to the police, have him arrested, and blah, blah, blah. But there was no way in hell I was doing that. That would air all of Kevin's dirty laundry to my parents, and God knows how they'd react. I didn't want them to ever be disappointed in their son. He was their hero, their bold and shining son who gave his life for others. My hope from the beginning was to pay Vito, clear Kevin's debt, and then Vito would disappear. He'd have to, there would be no other reason for him to stick around harassing me.
And in the end no one would find out about Kevin's sinful addiction... It would die with me. “Ooo.” Her lips rounded, head leaning in closer. “Tell me more, was he built like Superman too? I mean, if I had to pick a superhero to save me, I'd go with Thor. Uh, the mighty hammer—” “Becca, does it matter?” “Sorry, go on.” Her hand rolled, eyes pulling back from the inside of her own drooling daydream. “I just can't get him out of my head. We went out a few times, but I sorta flew off the handle on our last date. I don't know, I just have an issue with anyone getting close.” Placing my fingers on my temples, I drew light circles with my
fingertips. “And he was getting way to close.” Thinking about how he called me 'his,' how he went into a red haze when another man got out of line; I wanted to feel sick about it. I wanted to think he was possessive — controlling— a pompous jackass who thought he could just say I was his and his magic tongue would beckon me to his side. But my belly was heated, warming with pin pricks of excitement. The goosebumps surged up my spine, my brain exploding with raw emotion. I didn't want to feel him like marrow in the center of my bones, but I did. If I
admitted it to myself, wholeheartedly said the words out loud... My center, my sun that held me in its gravity. Everything would become all too real, the emotions would take shape, have form; I'd have to accept what I wanted to dismiss. “Avni, sometimes you can't control how you feel. I know why you're afraid to let him in.” Becca's hand reached out, rubbing my arm. “I don't want to sound harsh, but there comes a time when you need to let go. You can't live like this.” Dipping my head, I cupped my hands over my face. “He said the same thing.” “Maybe it's time for you to start listening to something other than your
head, try listening to your heart. You might find it has a different answer.” It does have a different answer. I didn't have to listen, I could feel it. I just wasn't sure I was ready for that type of bare exposure. That feeling of being completely vulnerable to the same hurt I was forced to experience made me ill. Rubbing the sides of my cheeks, I let my head fall into my hands. “It's just something I'm not sure I can handle, what if something bad happened to him too? That would kill me, I'd be fucking done.” “Would you? Isn't there that saying, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger?” Flipping my eyes up at her, Becca veered her stare. “I'm not sure that's
true.” I felt more vulnerable, weaker to the idea or image of hurting. Time was supposed to heal all wounds, but in my eyes, time only gave you more chances to dwell on it. Time set in stone all the things you missed out on, time made everything concrete, time had become my enemy. Every single day Kevin went through my head over a hundred times. There wasn't a thing that wouldn't trigger a memory of him. If it rained, I'd think of us jumping in the mud puddles and our parents getting pissed when we tracked the dirt inside. When it snowed, I'd remember building giant snow forts in the weather that made our noses red as cherries, then
huddling beside the fireplace while drinking warm milk. Fuck, even opening the fridge would trigger a memory. He used to prank me all the time, and once he set up the fridge so I'd get hit with all the condiments. As pissed as I was when it happened, now I missed his adolescent boy humor. “Avni, I haven't been through what you have, but I know life is too short to live it miserable. And you're miserable. You need a change, maybe your savior is the answer to your problem.” My savior? My savior and tormentor all balled up into one body. One gilded, formed, hard as lead, take me any time please body...
The third shift staff walked in, breaking us from our talk, and my brain from the picturesque image building inside . Standing, I quickly jotted down a loose menu for the week and hung the board back up. “Alright, I'm heading home. T is probably doing the pee-pee dance at the door right now.” Becca shot me a, 'we're not done, but good luck,' glance. Gifting her with the biggest smile I could muster up, I nodded a reassuring bob of my head. But in reality, I had no clue what the fuck I was going to do. Grabbing my bag, I walked outside to my car and headed home. The
streetlights passed by like a blur, Levi's face kept popping up in my mind. His hard jaw, the small dimples that broke in his cheeks when he smiled; the way his hands touched my flesh with a delicate stroke. He made my heart thump, my lungs strain, and my nerves go numb when he was around. I felt safe in his arms, for the first time ever in my life, I felt protected. He gave me the feeling of safety in a way I had never experienced. And right then I knew the feeling that was riding my muscles all day was loss. I missed him. Wow, I miss him. Maybe I was supposed to meet him for a reason.
Could that be? Could it be a higher power that sent him to me to break me free from the prison I threw myself in? Was that possible? Is it possible to meet a man and in no time at all need him more than anything else? T threw himself at my feet when I opened the door. Picking him up I nuzzled his miniature face against my cheek. “Miss me?” Kissing his head, he slobbered my face with his love. “Aw, I know you did.” Letting him go, I dropped my bag with a heavy thud onto the floor. Six days now, six days and no Levi. I'm not the one caving, if he doesn't try
to contact me then it definitely wasn't meant to be. Meant to be? Seriously, Avni? Crazy talk... But I was aching for him to call me, text me, show up at my door. Anything at this point. I wanted him here, here to keep me safe, here for me. He promised that. Was he a man of empty promises? No, he's a soldier. He was conditioned to protect and serve. He was trained to be bold and committed. Levi was what every commander wanted in their troop, he was... What? What was he? I didn't know him well enough to give him any labels.
Why am I so hooked on a man that dropped into my world and left once challenged? He could have tried to come back anytime and he didn't. Glancing down at a pile of unopened mail sitting on my counter, I grumbled at the mass of what was probably bills and junk mail. Fumbling through the white envelopes, I pushed all the bills to the side. A hand scripted note sat in the middle of my pile. A mess of chicken scratch spelled my name across the center of the envelope. And in the upper left corner, the name I had so badly wanted see light up my screen. Levi Hite.
Did he? My hands started to clam up, the surface sticky and warm with sweat. Every inch of my body had gone numb, all the pain that was crusting the surface had disappeared. Peeling open the flap, I tugged out a poorly folded piece of paper. The white lines were creased in all directions, crumpled edges and split corners highlighted the folds. It looked like he had written it, then folded it, then threw it in the trash, only to dig it out and send it anyway. My body was buzzing, curiosity and electricity exploded across my brain. Opening the letter slowly, I was afraid it would tear in my fingers. His words lost
in torn fragments of thoughts I'd have to piece back together. V, I'm not good at this. I'm not good at emotions, no better than me trying to put pen to paper. But this is better than me rambling on and possibly offending you and forcing you out of my life forever. I don't want that. I can't tell you what fills me when I'm around you, I can't explain in words the feelings that wrap my stomach and beat inside my head. There's something there, something I can't get rid of no matter how much I try. And I tried.
The worse part... I can't tell you in print, I can't tell you in text, or over the phone. Do you believe in fate? Do you believe in things happening for a reason? I do. And I feel that now more than ever. Avni, for me you are the most interesting and complicated person I have had the pleasure of meeting. But I've met you before. And it's that feeling of fate that keeps yanking on my brain. I believe I was meant to find you, I believe I was meant to help you, and I believe this didn't happen by accident.
I made a promise to help you, and I plan to stand by that. When you're ready to accept what I know you feel too, I'll be here. —Levi My heart was in my throat, ribs breaking with the intense pounding hitting each one as my heart was forced up. My face hurt, my brain was tired; my stomach twirled with sea sickness. Now this. He met me before? When? That wasn't possible. You don't forget a man like Levi. What did his cryptic letter mean? Fate? I never believed in fate. Fate was a way to explain away what couldn't be
understood, it was a cold attempt at glorifying death. No one ever used the word fate unless they wanted to rationalize the sudden loss of someone close, or the swift demise of something worked for. Was it fate when my brother died and a family already reeling with struggles of a disabled daughter—sister— lost their only son? Was it fate when I unwillingly took my brother's burden and got beaten down emotionally for something my hands never touched? No. Fate was a word created by those who needed to believe things happened for a reason, for those who needed
something to hold onto when they had nothing left to grasp. Fate was a bullshit word that meant nothing. I gave up on fate. Now everything just was. Some people go through life riding on an iron horse, nothing breaking down the security around them. No horrors, no wounds. My life was a stone skipping across the smooth surface of the water. It bounced a few times, then sank into the depths of darkness that waited below to tear it from the surface once gravity took hold. I was sinking.
Chapter Twelve Levi Have you ever been so scared in your life, everything literally stopped? The world was paused, muted, and uncertainty hung above your head like a worm on a hook. Was the meal only a false tease that would get yanked away when you tried to take a bite? Sixteen Months Earlier Every noise turned to silence, and all that was left was my heartbeat. A thumping so uncontrollably intense, my surroundings moved in slow motion. My ears were ringing with the loud explosions, a buzzing so excruciating it numbed every sense in my body.
Turning towards my troop commander, his lips were moving fiercely, but he wasn't speaking any words. None that I could hear anyway. His face was distorted and angry, dirt and dust had found its way across his skin. The tinted, mud-colored smears were speckled with streaks of clean flesh from the sweat pouring over his temples. In one blink the world around me started to spin, the ceiling was down, the floor was up. The truck jolted in one burst onto its roof, flipping and tumbling as if it was made of paper blowing in a breeze. Shaking my head, I was no longer in my seat. I had been tossed outside, a
billow of dirt had clouded around me. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins, filling my limbs and mind with the need to stand and run for cover. Pushing my palms into the sand, the grains were hot and seeping over the top of my hand as I pressed up. An intense, searing burn cracked through the muscle of my left thigh, making me feel completely aware of each and every nerve ending. The hard sinew stung, boiled, cooled to ice, then went up in an inferno. Falling back down, I gripped the side of my leg. I knew I was screaming, I could feel my mouth temper and form the words,
but the air filled screams wouldn't even crack the barrier of my own head. I laid in shock, still trying to grasp what had just happened. The warm gush of blood had started to soak through my pants, turning the tan camo to deep crimson. We had just hit an IED. There was no doubt in my mind, we became roadkill. I watched pieces of the building beside our truck crumble. Bullets ricocheted off the cement walls around me, leaving large gaping holes. The structure across from me began to crack and fall apart. Walls disintegrating and tumbling to the street.
And the smell; the scent of fear, mixed with anger and burning rubble; had started to coat my brain. I wanted to kill the motherfucker who had just tried to destroy us. I had only been here for a month, but that was long enough to hollow out the evil that existed outside the safety of our barracks. My first tour I was lucky. The gunfire was there, the explosions were loud and seemed to sit right outside my door. But that's all it remained; sounds. There had been no close calls, no true risk that presented itself as a smack in the face. Everything about my second tour felt different.
The sky was speckled in a deep gray blanket, the air as I stepped off the plane held a thicker taste. Even the voices of the locals seemed to whisper through the wind with no true sound. A man I had met many months before had warned me of the dangers that lurked outside our protective walls. But the war was slowing, troops had been getting pulled out, and less were being sent in. I let my false security, and my young nature, blind me to the true threats at hand. There were many good people here, many people that welcomed us with smiles and thankful gestures.
And then there were those that lived on the outskirts of society, the ones who carried true scorn and hatred. And it was those people I blindfolded myself from. I should have seen the signs, I should have read the aromatic scent of death. But I didn't. Digging my nails into the sand, I tried to drag myself out of danger. I didn't want to be sitting right in the sight of a sniper, an unaware mouse at the nest of a snake. But I couldn't move far, each tug sent electric snaps through my leg, causing me to stop and grab hold of the wounded area.
Looking over my shoulders, I tried to see if any of my brothers were close by. But there was only debris, and from what I could tell—but tried to block out —mangled body parts that were unidentifiable to me. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I tried to gather my thoughts, think back to training and what I needed to do to stop from bleeding out. I couldn't see all the damage to my thigh, but the enormous pool of blood forming and the woozy feeling that was starting to wrap around my brain was telling me it was pretty bad. I was bleeding, and it wasn't going to stop on its own.
My head was beginning to feel light, the world around me growing into a hazy silent cloud. The ringing in my ears was still hitting the drums full force, silencing the sounds around me. I had no idea if my section had scattered to safety, or if they were all doomed to call this their final resting place. Jumping with surprise, a set of hands had grabbed me by the back of my collar. Twisting in a rage, I tried to fight for freedom. I was watching the only security I knew, the wall of a deep tread tire, fall faster and faster into the distance. Rounding a corner, I made a feeble attempt to latch onto the disintegrating
walls. The stone broke away, turning to rubble in my fingers. Throwing my hands onto the wrists of my captor, I clawed and pulled, and dug my nails in deep. I didn't want to turn into a war trophy, a soldier that would be tortured and marred for information. The unknown hands released, then reemerged around my thigh. Slicing away the soaked and charred fabric, the hands set tight around the shredded flesh that was once my supporter. A stabbing pain ignited so deep it hit bone. A guttural scream tried to escape my mouth, but I bit down clenching my teeth.
Wiping the dust from my eyes, I let out a sigh of relief. It was another soldier. Thank God. Oh, thank God. *** She needs to know. Has to know about my savior. If Avni could hear what I had gone through, what someone else did to keep me alive... Maybe then she'd understand why I needed to help her even more than before. There was no doubt in my mind, she was mine to save. It was fate. It had to be fate. There was no other explanation for me stumbling on her that night. Fate.
My life had a second chance, another opportunity to pay it forward. A life was granted in turn for another. I wouldn't have been here to rescue her from the hands of a dirtbag like Vito if it wasn't my purpose. I was led to that street, led to the dark shadow of voices, led to her. And I was going to make sure he'd never hurt her, Avni had become the reason I lived. But I haven't heard a word from her in over a week. Had she gotten my letter? Did she read it and throw it in the trash, cursing my name to the devil? But what I had to share was too important to say through some
impersonal text message, or faceless voice through a speaker. I had to tell her in person. I wanted to tell her before, but it just didn't seem to be the right time. Her mind was fucked up, she's been lost for so long. Wandering the world with a void that was eating her from the inside out. It was important for her to start coping, start leaving the misery in the past and hold onto the good memories. Only the good memories. If she did that, then and only then, would she be able to let herself feel joy and pleasure again. That girl was fucking stubborn though, and as much as her strength was
beyond sexy and hot as hell, it was what held her back. Avni couldn't... No, she wouldn't let herself be freed. Free to mourn, free to laugh weightlessly, free to be happy; truly and endlessly happy. I wanted to give her that, take away her pain and replace it with all the happiness I could give her. Every piece of me was ready to devour her, make her mine forever. I was her freedom. She was just so damn thick headed and defiant to what she was feeling, to what she wanted, to what she knew was riding her heart like a fucking roaring monsoon.
Tapping my chin, I debated just going to her house. If she wasn't going to come to me, then I was going to end this little stand-off. I didn't want to be away from her, and the time that had passed was too long already. She needed me to be there. I was her protection, her safety net, her rock. Even if she didn't want to realize it. Fuck that, if she won't see it on her own... What if something happened? My chest started to squeeze around my lungs, the air pressing up and out in one quick salvo. The idea of Vito having laid a single finger on her, on my woman; it sent my
brain into the snake pit. I couldn't shake it, couldn't stop the fear and anger from filling my muscles. If he did anything to hurt her... I'll kill him. I wasn't waiting anymore, I had to make sure she was okay, and I was holding back something from her. Something she needed to know. Taking the short walk to her apartment, I stood at the bottom of her steps for much longer than I wanted to. My plan had been to storm up her steps, slam my fist on her door and make her finally accept what was being thrown right in her face. Me.
But as I stood there, a nervous twitch broke across my hand. My muscle started to spasm, finger working a tight beat across my jeans. How is she going to take what I have to tell her? Will she even believe me? Pacing back and forth at the base of the steps, I kept glancing between her door and the ground. I wasn't sure exactly how I was going to drop the bombshell on her. There was a strange fear resting in my stomach like a ball of knots. Twisting and turning and colliding with my insides, the massive ball turned my gut into hot soup.
What if this forces her away forever? Shaking my head, I gripped my temples trying to force the feelings away. I was never nervous, or scared, or frightened about anything anymore. After almost having my leg blown off and my head used as target practice by a terrorist sniper, what in the real world at home could compare? But this, for some odd unknown reason, forced my nerves into overdrive, made my head rock with questions and uncertainty. Telling her about what happened to me, how I was saved, it scared the shit out of me. And I didn't know why.
What is there to be afraid of? Don't be a pussy! Deep down I knew, knew what was frightening me into being a statue at her doorstep. It was fear of her thinking I only wanted to help her because of what happened to me. That I felt it was owed and that was the only reason why, the only thing holding me to my promise. But it wasn't. I wanted to help her from the first moment I laid eyes on her. Frozen, terrified, trapped by three men threatening her with violence. I wasn't lying when I promised her I'd keep her safe.
After seeing her in the cemetery, it was then and only then, I knew fate had a hand in this. It was then I realized I was alive for her. But I meant what I said, and I didn't do it just because I felt I needed to. My life had been saved so I could be here to save her when she needed it. I couldn't deny the parallel, this was meant to be. “What are you doing here?” The soft voice stroked my ears like a sweet song. A song I hadn't heard in what felt like ages. Instantly I was calm, cooled. Happy to finally hear her voice again after what seemed like eternity. Never again.
Chapter Thirteen Avni Did I really just answer the door so coldly? I had spent days thinking about this man, and here he was. Then I go and answer the door with a dark and icy greeting. Stupid, stupid, stupid. His face jerked up to meet mine, a wordless glare met my eyes. He didn't looked pissed or angry, he looked relieved. Levi's shoulders tugged a hair higher, raising as if whatever weight had carried him down, suddenly rolled off his back.
Was he worried? Did he miss me too? Stop it, Avni. You're thinking like a teenage girl awestruck by her admirer. That's what this had to be, we slept together, but that didn't mean anything. We weren't suddenly chained together by ball and hitch. Lust didn't mean love, sex didn't mean forever. Clearing my throat, I opened the door wider. “You want to come in?” Nodding, he shrugged his shoulders. “You sure?” His hand brushed the hair from his eyes, his bold blues hit me like sapphire spotlights. My body shivered, heart skipping several beats as I stood there like a
voiceless fool. Shoving my sudden heart attack to the side, I smiled. “Yes, come in.” Waving him forward, I stepped back into the shade of my living room. Swallowing the peach sized lump growing in my throat, I wanted to yell I was sorry. It had been so hard since losing my brother, and the littlest things seemed to throw me for a loop. I couldn't control it. I never knew when it was going to happen, or what would set it off. But when it hit, it hit hard. I was only trying to protect myself from all the evil that feeling for others possesses. I wasn't ready for it, and I honestly didn't know if I ever would be.
I knew he wanted more from this, and I knew I couldn't give it. But I also knew I didn't have to react the way I did. I had lost it... Again. I just really needed him to understand and respect where I was coming from. Shutting the door behind him, T scrambled to his feet, readily rolling into position for a tummy scratch. “Hey little man, I mean big dude.” Dropping to his haunches, Levi rubbed his belly. Lifting to his feet, he said the last thing I expected he would. “I'm sorry.” I was shocked, dumbfounded, and aching instantly inside. He hadn't done anything wrong, I did.
Throwing my hand up, I stopped his apology immediately. “No, you don't need to be sorry. I'm the one who should apologize. I went off the deep end, I'm sorry. You had just protected me—” Cutting me off, he snickered under his breath. “For a third time.” “I thought we weren't going to keep tabs?” Snapping a hand to my hip, my lips couldn't stop from arching up. For the first time in six days, I smiled. “We're not, I just thought I'd make note of it is all.” Pushing out his lower lip, he waved his hand to brush the comment away. “But I'm sorry too, I shouldn't ask you for more than you're ready to give. You need time, I get that. I
promised you I'd be here to help with Vito, and I'm a man who stands by his word.” Bridging the gap between us, he scooped my wrists in his hands, thumbs caressing my knuckles. His touch, it's perfection. The minute his fingers wrapped my slender wrists, my entire body was electrified. The charge rode my insides, buzzing from head to toe, zipping back up and hitting my gut. His lips kept moving, the words washing over my spine and filling my ears, leaving me standing in a trance. “But I'm not leaving your side, Avni. I can't, not if I'm going to make sure you stay safe. I was so worried that Vito had gotten to you when I wasn't here to
protect you.” The wrinkles across his forehead grew with worry and fear. “I'm just happy nothing happened to you. If —” Pressing a finger to his lips, I hushed his thoughts. “Levi, I'm fine. Nothing's going to happen to me, I won't let it. Vito needs money and someway, somehow, I'll get it. Once he has that, then he'll be gone.” Levi's stare grew hard, the crystal blue growing deeper in color. “You don't know that, he's a fucking creep, Avni. You don't know what that shitbag will do. But that's why I'm here, that's why I'm not letting you out of my sight. There's something you need to know and I can't keep it from you any longer.”
My lungs froze, his face holding such poise and animation at the same moment. I waited, waited to hear whatever was sitting on his soul. I had never seen him so serious, not even that night on the street had his face held such a sober expression. “Avni, when I was in Afghan—” A knock on the door threw his thought back into his throat. The door cracked open, my mom peeked her head inside warily. “Avni, Honey, are you alright?” Stumbling backward, I stood quick and awkwardly, shoving my hands into my back pockets. She stepped inside, eyes thin and suspiciously looking over Levi. “Avni,
who's this?” A smaller figure squeezed in behind her; my sister. Her copper hair curled over her shoulders, fingers wildly turning a small sparkling bottle. Livie's eyes shifted around my small apartment, fixing on what seemed like every object for a brief moment. Spinning the bottle, she held it to a single beam of sun filtering in through the open door. The purple liquid lit up around the white walls, peppering them in tiny rainbows and sparkling dots. Tapping my mom on her elbow, Liv pointed at the walls, smiling brightly. “Yes, Liv, it's very pretty.” Her hands moved in a fluent motion, dancing in my sister's face, never removing the
glare from Levi. What is she doing here? “Avni, care to introduce us to your friend?” A delicate smile set on her lips, crinkles forming against the corners as she bounced her eyes between us. “Sure, why not.” Standing tall, I held my sides with purpose. “Mom, this is Levi. Levi, this is my mom, Sara, and my little sister Livie.” Immediately he stuck out his hand, firmly shaking my mother's like he was in an important business meeting. “Hello, it's nice to meet you, Ma'am.” Stiffening his back, Levi stood tall, hands tucked snug behind his back as he released his determined grip from my mother's palm.
It almost seemed like a natural instinct, the way his spine went taut. It reminded me of Kevin when he first came home from basic training. He did the same things as Levi, he stood as tall as he could, as if wishing his bones would magically grow with the stance. His head always stayed straight as an arrow, in line with the rest of his body. I tried not to chuckle with the image, the picture of boys leaving and returning home like robots built of flesh. I busted Kevin's balls a lot at first, and he hated it. But it was the only way I could sneak the old Kevin out. He'd get pissed with my childish remarks and mimicked behavior,
eventually losing his Army bound alertness to chase me down and threaten me with a noogie, or smelling some ungodly scent from his dirty gym bag, Turning toward my sister, Levi held his hand out in the same gesture. “Hello, it's nice to meet you too, young lady.” Livie just stared at him, then her eyes crept down his chest to the shiny tags resting in the center. The ornate jewelry that hung around his neck reminding me of his impending doom. A soft squeak slipped between her lips, hand raising to point at his dog tags. “Yeah, those are my dog tags. Pretty cool, huh?” Stepping up to stand beside him, I took my place as her interpreter. My
hands moved like a composer of an orchestra, face contorting with each gesture, muscles exaggerating each expression. “What are you doing?” He asked, brow twisting up unnaturally across his lid. “My sister can't hear you, she's deaf. So I'm telling her what you said.” Livie lifted her hand, drawing a half circle over her face, 'beautiful,' she said. Smiling a grin of pure happiness, she signed one letter, 'K.' My heart sank, diving deep into my stomach. She was thinking of Kevin and the tags he wore identical to Levi's. I didn't let my sadness show, I smiled and bobbled my fist up and down
to tell her, 'yes.' “She said they're pretty, like Kevin's,” I said to Levi. He smiled and cupped the tiny metallic plates, holding them tight. Waving in my face, Livie signed a question I didn't want to repeat aloud. “Is he your boyfriend?” My mom giggled, covering her lips. “What? What did she say?” Levi asked, an overwhelming curiosity plagued his face. Waving my hand, I sternly used my index and middle finger, clamping down tightly onto my thumb. “No.” “What? What did she say?” He looked between us, eyes as large as a
deer in headlights. But I wasn't repeating it out loud. No way in hell. I was sure Levi would grin like the joker, his eyes leering in agreement with my sister's question. Mom held Liv's shoulders, an awful happy smile filled her face. She was staring at us, eating up the sight in front of her. “So, this is him.” “Mom.” I snapped, teeth clenched tight. “What? It was just a question.” Cruising past me, she headed into the kitchen with an arm full of bags. “I brought you a few things, and grabbed your prescription. Let me tell you, those stupid little bins at the register are hell.
Liv wouldn't leave till I finally bought her one of those tiny hand sanitizers with the sparkles inside.” Huffing under her breath, she dug through the bags, setting the items on the counter. Every so often, if I have long shifts at work, and really don't want to go into civilization to fend for groceries... I ask her to go for me. I know it sounds a bit childish, but my mom loves running errands. She's always happy to help and welcomes it with open arms. Anything she could do to keep herself occupied, helped her brain from running tracks around thoughts of Kevin. But, I had totally forgotten about her coming today. And I definitely hadn't
expected Levi to show up. You wished for it, remember? I also shouldn't have put it past him, it was his trademark. No calls, no texts, just random house calls... Oh, and the occasional letter. “So, Levi,” Mom said, slapping a thick cut of beef onto my counter. “Are you staying for dinner? I brought plenty.” The corner of her lip peeled up, winking in my direction. Driving my palm into my head, I shut my eyes tight. She is never subtle, is she? “If Avni doesn't mind, I'll stay. I'd love a good home cooked meal.” He rubbed his abs, taunting my eyes to his belly.
I knew what was under his shirt, and the tight green, v-neck he had on today did very little to hide the outline of steel stepping stones. “Great, Avni doesn't mind. Do you, Hun?” Mom continued to pull food from the bags, setting up for a damn feast. My lids opened wide, head shaking side to side. “No, I don't mind.” Shit. I could be royally screwed in a few hours. Levi might never look at me the same way. Does it really matter? So long as he looked at me, I'd be fine either way. Worse things could happen. Right?
Yes, worse things could definitely happen. They already had.
Chapter Fourteen Levi Avni's mom was awesome. I got more detail about that girl in the three hours with her mother than I think Avni would have given me if I'd already known her for months. I learned that she had broken her wrist once trying to fly when she was seven, that she and her brother would spend hours digging up worms from the backyard to go fishing every summer, and would freeze the extra. Ew, gross. Sara made sure to tell Avni's stories of being mistaken for her brother till she was almost ten, mostly because her
parents didn't have the money to take the kids for haircuts and their father would do it. The mullet, we all had one... It was just something you never wanted to admit. And the reason Avni fell so easily into her line of work was that her sister had Autism. Livie was beyond incredible. She had overcome so much in her young life already. Sign language had been her saving grace and watching these women; fingers flying in all different directions, words built from air... It was an awe-inspiring sight. Avni became my unspoken interpreter,
relaying what I said to her sister, and vice versa. Livie's eyes would always fall to the shining metal against my chest, set in a mind bending trance as they sparkled under the light. Sitting around the small galley island that separated the kitchen and living room, it was amazing to see the bond these ladies had. A bond brought together by love, hardships, and pain. So much pain, and yet they all still held a smile when together. The delectable smells filled Avni's apartment with mouth watering envy. The first bite I rested on my tongue
melted into a taste bud orgasm that coated my stomach in satisfaction. Home cooked meals were a long forgotten memory. But Sara could cook, and Avni made sure to point out the fact she could not. “Levi, tell me something.” Sara lifted the tall glass of wine to her slender aged—though much too quickly aged—lips. “What are your intentions with my daughter?” “Mom! Stop!” Avni's jaw hit the table, eyes shooting open in disbelief. “What? I need to ask, it's my job. I am your mother, remember?” “No, no you don't. You need to stop. You've already aired enough of my dirty laundry, so please stop.” Her
embarrassment rained across her skin. Her cheeks twinged pink, fingers twitching in a seizure against her arms. “It's alright, V,” I said, placing a soothing hand across her delicate and trembling fingers. “Mrs. Boyd—” Holding her hand up, Sara cut in. “Please, call me Sara. Mrs. Boyd makes me sound really old. That's what I have to call my husband's mother, and she's almost ninety. I insist, just Sara is fine.” “Sara,” I said, correcting myself. “Your daughter is incredible, and I would never do anything to hurt her.” Unless she wanted me to, it's always fun to get a little kinky sometimes.
“Avni, will get nothing but respect, I promise you that.” Avni threw her hand to her head. Her face sat motionless, like she was waiting for something to happen. I wasn't sure what to expect, till her mother opened her mouth to speak. And what came out was so far away from what I expected. “Son, don't bullshit me. I expect you to do all those things, of course.” Waving her hand, she dangled her fingertips over the edge of the glass. “But, don't play me for a fool. I know you're going to try and screw my daughter. If you haven't already, you kids these days move like lightening with that shit.” Her eyes flashed at Avni,
flickering with a sprite of, 'Let me just say this, I'm not stupid.' Her gaze shifted back to mine, eyes razor thin. “You just make sure you're cautious. Don't give her anything, don't get her knocked up, unless you plan on sticking around for a long time, but just don't go doing something you won't be man enough to handle. Understood?” Sara glared at me, one thin brow arched in seriousness. Inside I was coated in shock, giddy laughter; the laughter of a young boy who heard someone use the word 'balls' in a sentence meant for it; and cemented determination to make her daughter mine regardless. I wasn't planning on going anywhere.
“Sara, I assure you...” Holding up an index finger I started the count. “One, I'm clean, no need to worry, Army tested me when I got home. Per my request,” I said, turning my gaze to Avni. “Not because of sex, it was because of being out in the field.” It was very important that Avni understood I wasn't out screwing a bunch of local woman from that country. But there were other dangers I had to face, and had faced. The open wound of a fellow soldier, having to improvise on the spot and help them survive, it came with a price. You never knew for sure if the brother by your side had untainted anything.
But life came above all else. Every life was precious and you did what you could to keep them alive. “And two...” Second finger shot up, steady and unwavering. “I'm man enough to handle anything...” Lifting my brows, I leaned over the table. “Anything.” And I'm about to save your daughter from a maniac, a maniac who really wanted blood for Kevin. But I couldn't say that out loud. Avni made it clear, her parents knew nothing and it would stay that way. My lips were sealed. Clapping her hands together loudly, she smiled large. “Levi, you just made me like you even more.” Nudging Avni,
she bared a toothy white grin. “Good job, Sweetheart.” As for Avni, she just sank deeper into her chair. Embarrassment, disgust, madness, all washing over her flesh turning her green. “Can we not do this?” Avni spoke into her chest, fingers glued to her forehead. “Ever again, please?” Sara stood, collecting the plates from the table. “Lighten up, Sweetie. It's just formalities, and it's done. Besides, at least I can tell Dad it's been done. I know you wouldn't want him asking the questions.” Winking in my direction, she mouthed softly under her breath. “She's always been a bit uptight.”
There was no need for her to tell me that one... I saw that part a couple of times already. I was surprised how comfortable I felt with her family. Sara wasn't a bitter woman who held her daughter on a pedestal out of reach. She wanted to make sure her daughter was in good hands. I couldn't blame her for that. According to Sara, Avni's dad worked late, mostly to keep his mind occupied. They both had similar ways of grieving, divulging any spare time they had into the world around them. Sara spent it catering to her two daughters, finding ways to fill her day with errands. Mr. Boyd spent it engulfed
in his work, creating new lesson plans as a teacher. Glancing over at Avni, she finally brought herself back into the room, peeling away the covers to her beautiful face. She was so enthralling, a perfect magnet for my eyes. Her hair glistened with light, soaking up the rays and shining like black glass. Sitting way too far from her, all I thought about was touching her. My fingers were greedily itching on my lap to wrap around the velvet strands, let the silky locks tickle the edges of my wrist. The yellow shirt that hugged her ribs graced me with the light outline of her bra beneath. The pink strap peeked from
the neck, lace ridges creating texture to her plain shirt. My cock throbbed as temptation sat inches from my fingertips. A sharp high-pitched noise escaped Livie's mouth. Angling my head to look over, she was angrily spinning the bottle on the table top. Her face was scrunched up tight, brows braided in a frown. Lifting her hand, she slammed it back down on the bottle. Avni jumped from her seat in one quick jolt, rushing to her sister's side. I watched her in awe, fingers artistically dancing so Liv could see her; a Terpsichore of unspoken language singing a silent choral song.
Liv smiled, nodding in agreement. Her arms quickly wrapped around Avni, hugging her close. “What did you say to her?” I asked. A piece of me felt out of place, a conversation happened before my eyes and I couldn't understand a single part of it. The only piece I got completely was Liv's smile. I wished I knew how to speak with my hands, it was such an amazing thing to watch. To know her fingers and hands could speak the words she was thinking, or the words that were said, it was incredible. “Nothing really, she was getting a little upset and anxious. But it's alright now.”
Smoothing Liv's hair, Avni kissed the top of her head. There was so much love, so much unconditional admiration for her younger sister. Watching them together, seeing Avni glow with happiness; she was capable of loving, loving without barriers and blockades. She's afraid... Of me. Of who I am. Then and there I made a promise to myself, and to her too; even though she didn't know it yet. I was falling for this girl, and I was going to break down that last bit holding her back. Life was just too damn short to be tied to a wall you couldn't control.
I promised she would come to understand love outside her power.
Chapter Fifteen Avni That was the most uncomfortable, nervewracking, awful dinner ever in my life. Actually, that was the first dinner I had ever brought a guy to, not that I brought him because it was at my house. But still. My mom... Could she have been more embarrassing? Yes. Thank God she didn't bring up anything terribly personal for Levi's ears. I would have killed her if she had mentioned my first period, or the time she caught me self pleasuring to a teen magazine at the tender age of thirteen.
Ugh, Zac Efron... I can't even see a picture of him to this day without turning cherry red, and my stomach doing flips with embarrassment. Forever tainted. “Thanks for dinner, Mom.” Hugging her tightly, I said, “And next time can we not forget the fact I'm twenty-three? A little less is never a bad thing you know.” “Honey, you know I always have your best interests at heart. Trust me, when you have a child of your own one day, you'll understand. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.” Rubbing my shoulders, she turned to Levi. Holding her arms out, she pulled him in for a motherly embrace. “I have a good feeling about you, kid.” Leaning
into his ear, she whispered something I couldn't understand. Crossing my arms over my chest, I grumbled under my breath. “You know, it's rude to not sign what you're saying in front of Liv. Maybe you should say that again?” “Not a chance in hell, Sweetheart. Some words are only meant for the receiver.” Shooting him a crooked grin, she asked Liv if she was ready. Holding her hand out, my sister clasped on firmly. Waving goodbye to Liv, I pecked her cheek, and closed the door behind them. Finally, alone. Slowly, I twisted my head over my shoulder, eyeing Levi. “What did she say
to you?” “I can't say. You heard her, it was only for the receiver.” Pointing at his chest, he said, “Me.” That single gesture of his hand sent my eyes crashing down to the hardened muscles outlined under fabric. They were bulging, swelling, and begging me to trace them with my finger. His body was so firmed and engorged, he looked like he just went through a vigorous three hour workout. The only thing missing was sweat drenched skin, glistening, and shining. I can change that. We could work up a sweat together easily. All night he was skimming my body with desirous eyes, envious sparks were
passed between us. He was the voltage and I was the live wire; intrinsic in all ways. Smirking, I asked, “Can you give me a hint?” “Nope.” Slinking towards me, he cupped his chin. “But maybe I could be swayed.” Dropping a hand to my hip, I eyed him with slit lids. “Oh, really?” “Maybe, but I can't promise. You can always try though.” “Nah, I'm good.” Waving a hand, I brushed passed him and plopped onto the couch. T was curled up under the table, snoring ever so loudly. “Alright, reverse psychology won't work.” Leaping onto the couch, the
springs bent beneath him, popping me up. “So, what do you want to do now?” “Well, if I remember correctly...” Resting my heels on the table, I snuggled into the soft cushion. “You wanted to tell me something before my wonderful, embarrassing mom got here.” Levi blinked owlishly, his lips opening as he exhaled heavily. “Don't worry about it, I'll tell you another time.” “No, come on, what was it? Tell me.” My fingers brushed his shoulder, and my arm went up in flames. Don't do this. Don't do this to yourself. Do it, do it, do it.
My mind was a whirlwind of conflict and confusion. I needed him, I wanted him... I hated him for making me feel all the things I shunned from my life. “I will, but not yet.” His hand fluttered to my thigh, squeezing gently. “Trust me, I will.” His touch sent shivers to my toes. His hand slipped higher, I moved my leg closer. His body shifted forward, I breathed harder. His eyes froze, turning liquid blue. Levi was reading me, melting me, dragging me further into his web. His hand walked up my thigh to my arm, fingers tickling the warm flesh.
Goosebumps broke the skin, my lips parted on instinct. “Do you trust me, Avni?” “I want to.” His strong hand scooped around the back of my neck. “Do you trust me?” His face came closer, the heat off his words spilled over my ear. “I... I” Levi tightened the grip around my nape, pulling me onto his lips. I wanted the kiss, I accepted the kiss. I gave in to his kiss. His tongue slid into my mouth, the warmth making me forget the world around us. Tasting, licking, dancing, our tongues tangled around each other. Levi's hands ran over my body, only to drive harder into my hair. His kiss
intensified in desire and a loss of control. Tracing his lips across my neck, he nipped and bit the tender flesh. I gasped, head leaning with his demand, making room for him to devour me. Don't stop. Don't ever stop. “What would you say if I told you I had missed you?” His teeth took tiny nibbles on my collarbone, fingers coiling deeper into my hair. “I'd say you were crazy to miss me, I come with baggage.” Air filled my throat, eyes closed tightly with need. He missed me? My heart fluttered in my chest, beating in time with each breath.
How? Why? After how I treated him, flying off the handle the way I did. I didn't feel like I deserved to be missed. “I'm not crazy.” His mouth talked between kisses across my neck, up my throat and onto my chin. “I'm just a man who knows what he wants.” Levi drove his lips hard onto mine, kissing me with need. Moaning, I was speechless. His cock pushed into my thigh as he leaned over me, hands running wildly over my breasts. My arms reached around his ribs, back arching up into his chest. “Why me?” “Because of everything about you.”
“But you hardly know me.” Licking the shell of his ear, he groaned. “Isn't that the fun part about finding someone you want to be with? Learning about them?” Levi cupped my face, his eyes burning into mine. “I'm not going anywhere, Avni. You can push, you can turn your back, you can try and force it...” His thumb swept across my lower lip, tracing my jawline. “But nothing will work. I'm here, I found you, and you're what I want.” My lungs stopped working, heart stopped beating, and as the room around us turned black, Levi glowed. “Levi, I don't know what to say.” Brushing a loose strand of hair from his face, I sat in awe.
“You don't need to say anything. You just need to let yourself feel it.” Tapping my seized heart, he said, “And I know you feel it, right there. It won't be denied forever.” “Who says I'm denying it? Maybe I can't control it.” His lips brushed past mine. The soft touch caused my thighs to burn, chest to squeeze, and my veins to surge with a thousand tiny sparks. The tip of his nose slid up my neck, his lips braced against my ear. “You control everything, you just haven't realized it yet.” Levi bit my down on my lobe, hands gliding down my sides, hooking my hips.
Pressing his hard-on against my stomach, he growled under his breath. I couldn't deny the feelings latching and caging me in place. I want this, I want him. The musky cologne filled the air around me, sending my body into trembles as his fingers danced beneath my shirt. I was shaking, visible tremors rode my skin, each muscle was fighting to regain control. “I love that reaction when I touch you. You can't tell me I don't excite you.” Pulling back, he brought his face to my belly. The warmth of his tongue made circles over my flesh, as he whispered. “I'm here to stay, Avni.”
His strong hand rose to my breast, pinching my hardened nipple. A gasp escaped my lips, eyes closing tight as my head fell back. Digging my hands into his hair, I tore at the roots. Grabbing the collar of his shirt, I pulled it over his head. His muscles were tense, lifting and dipping as he laid down between my legs. With the swipe of his thumb, he popped my button free, eyes greedily eating up my thighs as he yanked my pants off. “Levi, you're a soldier. You don't know what can happen in your future.” My fingers ran the length of his broad shoulders, dragging through his hair.
“I'm not going anywhere. And you can't live with the wonder, with the question of if I'll come home. I'll always come home.” The tip of his tongue ran up the center of my panties, my wetness warming the satin instantly. Flicking my panties to the side, he slipped his tongue into my soaked center. I lost it after that, every thought flew from my head. Colors shot off behind my lids, my body buzzing with tingles as he sucked my clit. “Mmm,” I groaned, thighs closing around his ears. “Levi, mmm.” Biting my lower lip, I scratched his scalp with my nails. His thumb rubbed my swollen button, faster and faster he teased my clit
as he drove his tongue deep into my pussy. Arching my back, he gripped my hips holding me steady. I was wiggling in his hands, the sensation liquefying my insides. “You taste delicious, Princess.” His tongue moved and stroked my clit, the orgasm sitting in the base of my skull, ready to break free. My thighs were quaking, shaking, squeezing hard. “My God, Levi.” The words were composed of air, my eyes rolling back in my skull as he tempted my body over the edge. Pressing onto his knees, I couldn't stop my eyes from drifting to his massive, swelling bulge. My drenched
lips eagerly screamed for more, ass drifting up. I literally felt my body pulling to him and I couldn't stop it. His cock was the magnet, and my pussy was the metal. In one swift tug, he yanked his jeans to his knees. “I will never hurt you, Avni. I need you to know that.” Teasing my opening with the crown of his cock, he ran it over my thick juice, coating his length in my pleasure. “No matter what happens, I will always make it back to you.” In one quick thrust, his cock dove inside. The thickness of his shaft stretched my walls, his massive muscle pushing me open and hitting me so high I could feel him in my belly.
Resting his elbows on the arm of the couch, he pushed in hard. Throwing my hands behind his back, the wall of muscles and strength squeezed and tensed with each thrust. My fingertips hit his back like barbwire, digging into his skin. A deep rumble made its way out of Levi's lungs. Biting down on my shoulder, he pushed harder, faster, and with more demand to tame me. Wrapping his arms under my thighs, he held me open, thrust after thrust he threw his engorged cock deep inside my warmth. He disarmed me, bringing out a raw, primal need to consume him. I wanted him, and I couldn't deny that anymore.
I had to let myself feel it, no longer could I try and force away the strong feelings I had for this man. They were there, sitting in every muscle, every thought, every waking moment and dream he had controlled. I just wasn't ready to admit it to myself, but I could feel it. Pump after pump, he slid in and out of my pussy. The tip of his cock hitting the opening, threatening to break free; and I would latch on, gripping around him tightly to force him to stay inside. Shivers hit my spine, riding the bone up to my brain. He was bringing me to the edge of insanity and back again. The thick muscle between his legs spread me open, my juice guiding him in
smoothly. His baritone growls echoed through my head, each muscle in his body was firmed and ready to let go. That was it, I was sent to the edge of ecstasy. His cock hit hard, belly slamming against my clit. And in one ocean wave my body released, the orgasm coating my brain in pure euphoria. With the final thrust, his cock pulsed, pump after pump, filling me with his pearly white essence. Letting his body relax, Levi fell onto my chest. His forehead rested on my shoulder, sweat beading up and trickling down his temples. We both laid silent, our chests heaving labored breaths.
Lifting his head to my eyes, his gaze deepened. The bright blue of his eyes settled to a cloudy ocean sapphire. “Avni, I can't explain why I feel the way I do about you. But I meant what I said. I will always make it home to you.” Twirling a strand of his hair, I couldn't hold in the smile. My lips rolled up, eyes hooded under lashes. “I can't explain why I want to believe you.” Levi curled into my arms as I hugged his thick upper body. The sweat was fading into a clammy sheen across his tattoos, his muscles looked like they were breathing for themselves. Each one still twitching and raising as he squeezed my middle.
I wasn't sure where this would go between us, but I wanted to believe him. He was so certain and determined to be here for me. And I knew I needed him. It wasn't a false feeling of security with him. Everything with him felt real. Now I just needed to try and let go. If I want what I could feel in my heart, then I had to learn to let go. How long would that take me? That was the question that filled my soul with sorrow. Because time was supposed to mean healing. And I didn't think time had been good to me at all. Time is what built my walls, it had been my sculpture of stone.
It was what kept stationary. Now I needed it to tick away.
Chapter Sixteen Levi Opening my eyes, I glanced down. The warmth of her body was tucked snugly into my hip. She fit perfectly in that space like it was made especially for her and her alone. Laying there with the soft glow of sun breaking behind the blinds, I took her all in. Her brows were furrowed in sleep, lips open gently as she snored lightly. It was the cutest snore I'd ever heard. Brushing her hair from her face, I wanted to see all of her. Drink her in while she was resting so peacefully in my arms.
Her alabaster skin was speckled with tiny freckles across the bridge of her nose. Her lashes were longer than any I'd ever seen, flowing out of her lids like small bird wings spread to fly. The soft pastel flesh felt like velvet under my rough fingertips. Even her lips, the subtle pink was natural, no lip gloss or lipstick; she was a perfect living porcelain doll. And she was all mine. Tucked away safely in my arms, protected by every ounce of my soul. From beyond the window, the loud sound of drilling and hammering pounded and vibrated the walls. What the fuck is that?
Avni let out an angered moan, rolling to her back and covering her face with her hands. “Fucking construction,” she grumbled, balling her fists and wiping her eyes. “Construction?” Tossing the blanket off, I walked to the window and pulled back the blind. “Yeah, they've been working a few buildings down for a while now.” Pulling herself onto her elbows, she sleepily opened her eyes. “It's like Chinese water torture. Every morning at seven, like damn clockwork.” “Well, that's annoying.” “You're telling me.” Flopping back down, Avni dragged the blanket up over her head. “I've been cursing them every
morning for months. But it never works, they haven't stopped yet.” Walking back to the bed, I jumped in and wrapped her up tight inside my arms. “Well, since we're up...” I teased, gripping the morning wood that was pressing angrily against my boxers. Avni giggled, turning to face me. Her glowing eyes flickered with excitement and happiness. “You might be up,” she said, glancing down at my cock. “But I'm still half asleep and could use another four hours after last night. You're an animal.” “I can't help it, you drive me insane.” Tracing a finger down the center of her face, I wrapped my hand under her neck and kissed her.
“Is this my wake up call?” she asked, stretching her arms high above her head. Rolling to her side, the blanket skirted up. Her silky panties slid into her ass, the bare cheeks enticing me to lean in and bite each one. “No, this is.” Pulling my hand back, I let it fly down to smack her ass. Whipping her head over her shoulder, she twisted awkwardly to try and cover her bare behind. “Hey!” Giggling, Avni did everything she could to block my hands. I loved seeing her smile, loved hearing her laugh. It was pure joy to see genuine happiness in her, even if it didn't last.
“What?” My fingers moved and danced across her belly, causing her entire body to jerk around like a fish out of water. “Stop! Stop!” The chuckle turned into her trying to return the torture of a tickle to my sides. “It's not fair, you're so much stronger than me.” Pinning her arms over her head, I took small bites on her neck. Each nibble sent prickles cascading over her body. Avni's head tilted, crying in laughter. Her body squirmed beneath me, my hands holding her in place. “You're trapped, what are you going to do?” Letting out a long breath, she said, “Nothing, but you better not let me go.”
“And why's that?” “Because if you do, you're going down. Trust me, Levi, it's better if you never let me go.” “That's what I was planning on doing anyway. I never planned on letting you go, Avni.” Resting my elbows onto the mattress, I whispered in her ear. “And I'm not just talking about now. I'm never letting you go ever.” I felt the shudder in her limbs. Her breathing pausing briefly, eyes falling deep into mine. What's she looking for? I'm serious. I won't let her go. “How am I supposed to believe that. Those are just words.” Her eyes darted between mine, brows crinkled together.
“Words that are going to be true. You don't have to believe the words, but you'll believe it when I show you.” Brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, my fingertips ran down over her collarbone. Her face sat motionless, but her heart beat faster. The small vein in her neck pulsed harder, her lungs were lifting fast as she took deep breaths. “I want to believe you, I do. But I don't live my life based off false promises. I can't, the let down hurts too much.” A flicker of sadness glazed her eyes, her mind running to darker thoughts. “Don't worry, I'm going to prove it to you. And I'm a man who stands by his
promise.” Tugging her wrists free, Avni rolled out from under me. “Levi, I really don't like being promised things that in all reality can't be controlled. You say you're not going anywhere, right?” Wrapping her arms tight around her waist, she dug her hands into the creases of her elbows. “Yes, and I mean it.” Resting on my forearm, I turned to face her. “Well, what happens if you need to go back to war? What happens if you promise me you're coming home and you don't? Tell me what happens then?” “Avni—” “No! Levi, you can't promise something like that. It's not in your
control, you could die out there!” Throwing her hand into her hair, she yanked her bangs back tight. “You can't promise me any of that! And I don't want you to, it's not fair to me! It's not fair to you!” “You're wrong, Avni.” Jolting out of the bed, the anger at her refusal to let herself be happy for once was killing me inside. “You can't spend your life afraid of getting close to me because I'm a soldier! Talk about fair, that's not fair to me or you!” “You know what, Levi...” Her head fell to the floor, lip curling up. “I think you should go, I'm sorry but I can't do this. I like you, I do. But I can't have you
here promising me a world you have no hand to give.” “I promised to help you, and I'm not going till I know you're safe. I can't.” “I don't need your help, I can handle Vito on my own. I did just fine for the past year without you, I can do it now too.” Avni held her hand up, pointing at the door. “Go.” “No! You can't just throw me out when shit gets tough for you to deal with. I know you feel the same way about me that I do about you. And it's more than just like, I've fallen for you, Avni. I can't walk away from you that easy.” Stepping towards her, I gripped her wrists, trying to pull her into me.
But Avni pulled away, driving her arms behind her back. “Levi, go.” Why is she so scared? Can't she see what's between us? Dropping a hand to my waist, I dragged my fingers over my jaw. “Why won't you just let yourself see what's between us? This isn't lust, Avni, it runs deeper. The sooner you stop being afraid, the sooner you'll see it. Unless you already have and want to run from that too.” Yanking my jeans up, I pulled my shirt over my head. “I'm not going anywhere, Avni. I was serious when I said that, and I am going to help you.” “Levi, I have to be at work in two hours, please, just go.” Twisting her
body to the window, she tore the blind open, staring out into the street. This girl was more stubborn than a fucking bull. She's trying so hard to convince herself of what she thinks she shouldn't feel, and what she should fear. But life doesn't work that way. “Fine, I'll go. But I'm coming back later. I'm not letting you be alone, I won't let Vito fuck with you anymore.” Her toes spun into the floor, mouth biting on her thumbnail. That must be her nervous twitch. It's cute. I didn't want to be angry at her, and I wasn't. But frustration was riding my spine like a row of steel spike strips.
It was going to take a lot of convincing to get her to realize I was telling her the truth. I knew she had been through a lot after losing her brother, and I understood her fear of me going to war and dying. But you can't live life in fear of something you can't control. And I wasn't about to apologize for choosing the Army, it ran through my veins like lava in a volcano. The raw need to protect and serve was my life blood. Turning to walk out, Avni said, “I work till eight.” I didn't answer, I kept going. A smile spread on my face, the heat hitting my cheeks with each word that fell from her lips.
She feels it. It can't be blanketed forever, at some point that veil will lift. For now, just a corner would do.
Chapter Seventeen Avni It'd been a month and half since I started seeing Levi. One glorious month and a half. He did these little things that showed me how much he paid attention to me, to what I said. Every morning I would wake up to blue flowers laid on my nightstand, and when I would come home from work, Levi would have blue flowers in a vase or resting on my pillow. Some nights he'd bring sushi with him when he came over, and we'd snuggle on the couch to watch a movie.
Other nights he'd have my favorite music on low, and we would dance. Not that he was good at it, but he was learning. It was all those little things that were spooling around my heart, filling the empty hole I've carried for so long. Each day my protective sheath had started to fall, he was peeling it away with who he was, what he stood for. And he put up with my overdramatic tendencies. He would whisper sweet words into my ear, calm my nerves, soothing me back to earth. It was hard for me to deny, I had fallen for a soldier. I've been trying so hard to open up, to let myself feel all the emotions I knew
were glazing my core. But it was hard, it's been a slow and painful process. Letting go, meant letting go of Kevin. I knew I wasn't literally letting go of him, he would always be in my thoughts, memories, and my heart. Always remembered, never forgotten. Trying to let go of the pain his death caused was what had been so difficult. It was still there, still a live fuse sitting in my stomach. The knot would twist, the pain would surge. But each day that passed, the knot grew a little looser. And I knew it would never truly go away, all I could hope for was the day when that knot turned into just the rope it was made of.
Levi was a soldier, he led the same dangerous life my brother had. That always came with a heavy price tag, death. I knew not everyone's end would be on the battle field, so many soldiers had made it home to their families. But for me, it was hard to think that way. I lost my brother, the other half of me. That was a hard pill to swallow, and not hold onto some reserve when I was falling for another man; whose foreseeable future could end the same way. I was trying though, the best I could. Having Levi around had been great. A sense of security and safety, I hadn't had in a long time, blanketed my body.
And Vito, his one month date came and went. He didn't come looking for me, hadn't shown his face since Levi had been here. A part of me was hoping that he had gotten locked up. There was a chance that a man like him, with his line of work, reached the end of his days. I was sure there had to be plenty of other people out there looking for him, or that the cops were on his ass. He was a pimp, he forced women to work for him. And I'm sure not all of them, if any, worked for him willingly. His reign of terror could only last for so long before it all caught up with him one way or another. Either by the hands
of the law, or the hands of another; maybe he was gone for good. Pulling up to my apartment, I spotted a light on in my living room. Huh? Did I leave it on this morning? I must have. I'd been running late for work, so I had probably just left the light on by mistake when I flew out the door. Maybe Levi's home? He wasn't supposed to be coming over tonight. I had worked till almost eleven, and since Vito hadn't been around, we were able to relax a little. There was a sense of security that hung over our heads. But I was wrong in so many ways. That false sense of security would drive
a spike into my coffin. Flipping through my keys, I straightened out the one for my place and plugged it into the keyhole. Opening the door, T wasn't sitting in the entrance waiting for me like he always did. Fuck, I bet he had an accident. If T used my floor as a bathroom because he couldn't hold it, or did something like going into the trash while I was away, he always hid. I was sure he was hiding under the bed, or under the couch. Glancing around the entryway, I didn't see a puddle, or any garbage. There wasn't one mess waiting for me at the door. Confused, I called out to my dog. “T?” Clicking my tongue, I threw my bag
on the table and closed the door. “T!? Come on, come here.” Still nothing, there was no sound of his feet, or a soft whimper of uncertain excitement. Stepping into the living room, I anxiously looked around. Where is he? He has to be here somewhere. “Hello, Avni.” My heart stopped, veins turning to solid ice. “What are you doing here?” The hardened eyes glared at me from the kitchen, cupping my small dog in his arms. And my stomach whirled with a burning sensation that hit my lungs and turned the air rancid. “You know why I'm here.” The slick voice coated my ears in disgust, digging
like sharp spikes into my brain. “Give me time, I need more time.” The words squeaked out of my mouth, unsure of what he thought he could get from me. He wants his money, what the fuck do you think he wants! “Time is something you ran out of, the games are done.” His long fingers stroked my dog's head, trailing down to his back. He was petting T like an evil vampire pets his next kill. “What do you want, Vito?” My eyes drifted between my small, shaking companion resting in the arms of the Devil, and the Devil himself. My heart was beating at a rapid pace, afraid that he might do something
to hurt my dog. I stood frozen, anticipation raking up my back, waiting. Waiting for his hands to walk up to T's neck, to grip his tiny throat in his palm. Then the inevitable, him dropping the lifeless body of my best friend. “That's a stupid question.” Holding T, he stepped out into the living room. “You know why I'm here, and what I want. Sorry I'm late.” His eyes looked down on my dog, petting him with a soft and careless touch. “But I have this horrible feeling you just don't take me seriously. I think I've been way too easy on you. Maybe it was more pity than easy.” His black eyes caught my stare, following my line of sight to his arms. A wicked smile spreading instantaneously.
He knows what I'm thinking. He knows he's holding a weakness of mine. I wasn't going to let him think I was afraid, it would only feed his ego. “Pity? You think you've pitied me?” Standing tall, I was sick of being taken advantage of by this pathetic monster. “You've taken all my money, you're demanding more, and none of this is because of me. It's all because of my brother, my dead brother I remind you.” His head tipped back, the most malicious laughter leaving his lips. “I don't need to be reminded. Besides, Sweetheart, he's actually lucky he left this earth the way he did.” Lowering my dog, he slid across my floor, feet barely making a sound. And I was finally able
to breathe again, he was free. “Because what I had planned for him was not nearly as easy. The only reason you're still alive is because it wasn't your debt to begin with.” “You're fucking sick, you bastard. Why can't you just take what I already gave you and leave me alone?” Vito picked at his nails, holding his hand out and twisting his fingers in front of his face. “Damn your brother's love of my whores, right? He's the one you should really be cursing and calling names. He just couldn't get enough of fucking all the high class cunts I could throw his way. And he always added extra bruises to my girls. Ones I didn't give him
permission for.” His shoulder raised up, false concern mixed in his tone. “You know, I think he had a problem. Did he always like to get a little rough when he fucked? Or was that just something you guys did together as children, and he wanted to relive his youth?” “Fuck you.” The strength in my voice surprised me, and with one long stride he was inches from my face. Vito's hand lashed out and grabbed my throat, squeezing tighter and tighter like he was trying to pop my head clear off my neck. “Tonight... Tonight you finally realize how serious I am. I was tired of waiting for your brother to come home, and now I'm tired of waiting for you. This will be
your last warning, I want my money. And if you don't get me it, you'll be laying inches from your precious Kevin.” The room began to change, the edges of my vision turning fuzzy. But his eyes, his eyes were what scared me. Vito's lids were stretched to thin strips around the white, the black centers a solid mass of fire. Tearing at his hand, my fingers ached to ease his grip. The warmth of his blood as I scraped his flesh coated my hands, and Vito went unfazed. His glaring eyes fixed on my airless face. I needed to breathe, needed the life pushed back into my lungs. And for a brief moment, I wondered if this was it. Would this be how I went?
Death by a tyrant who only cared about what was going into his pockets, not about life, or the price you actually paid for living. Money for the escorts he sent to my brother, that was what fueled his rage. Dropping his hand, my knees buckled and I fell to the floor. My chest was tight, rapidly pulling in the oxygen around me. Looking up at the evil hovering above me, everything was moving in slow motion. I had lost control of the situation, not that I really had any to begin with. That was all part of his game, he wanted me to believe I had some form of control.
Vito pulled his hand back, releasing it in one quick snap. My cheek burst into a million tiny bee stings, pulsing and throbbing. Before I had time to react, he followed it with another. The second... A fist, a closed fist to my eye. Is this really happening right now!? Shock had taken over, each repeated blow seemed to be happening to someone else; but not to me. I was looking down on my body, hands trying to cover my face as he rained punch after punch onto me. And I couldn't stop it, it all happened so fast. I had underestimated how brutal and unforgiving that man was. I guess I never
actually thought he would physically harm me. Wrong, I was wrong again. He was a human that was fed by dark desire, greed, and fear. The fear he stabbed into others. And when I should have felt fear, I felt rage. The flame ignited inside my gut, the furnace was lit. And as pissed as he was, I was a black hole, ready to vaporize the existence of the waste of life before me. Leaning over my worn and tattered frame, Vito smiled. The darkest, most sinister of smiles. His lips grew thin, tongue dragging over the razor's edge. “I'll be coming back soon to collect
what's mine. Don't make this mistake again, don't make this any harder on yourself, Babe.” And even then, I couldn't stop the words from cutting the surface. “You're going to regret this you piece of shit. Even if I have to kill you myself.” My mouth tasted like metal, iron thick saliva filled my throat. Swallowing hard, the only sound was his chuckle as he closed the door. He went too far. Falling to my back, I laid on the floor, unable to move. My face was beating as if there was a heart under every inch of flesh. A high-pitched hum was ringing in my ears, and my left eye was puffing out,
lid closing tighter with each blink. Fuck, I need to go to the hospital. Pulling myself off the floor, I kept thinking about Levi. His promise of protection. I needed him. Protection from the hands of a monster... Protection from myself and what I might do.
Chapter Eighteen Avni The huffing and puffing of voices filled the hall outside the door. “How is she? Is she okay?” The worried, panic filled voice of my mother floated into the room. “Yes, Mrs. Boyd, Avni's fine. She's a bit bruised and banged up, but she'll be fine.” The flip of papers filled my ears. “She needs to take it easy for a few weeks, her left eye is extremely swollen. I'm hoping there's no lasting damage to her optic nerve, but we won't know for sure till the swelling goes down. There's bruising to her face, she has two cracked
ribs, and she needed stitches in her lower lip.” My mother let out a loud gasp, the rush of air whirled around me as her head broke through the curtain. “Avni? Oh my God, Avni.” Her hands swept her mouth, eyes giving way to streams of tears. “I'm alright, Mom. It looks worse than it is.” My mother collapsed at the side of my bed, gripping my hand with a death hold. Muscling up a half smile, I tried to put on a brave face. Watching the way her frame seemed to shake with worry and concern, I wanted to ease her the best I could.
“What happened? Who did this to you?” Her hand brushed my hair away from my face as she stared at me with loving and painful eyes. The crystal blue of her gaze was weathered, crinkles forming in the corners. “I was robbed and attacked outside my apartment.” I lied. There was no way I could tell her the truth. Her feeble and weak heart couldn't handle that type of news. The pain and stress she'd dealt with over the years had already forced her to look much older than she was. How do you tell your mother that you were beat up over money that her saint of a son had owed from using
prostitutes; prostitutes that he sometimes got too rough with when he lost control, when he got caught up in the moment? How would that go over? How do you explain that he promised that evil son of a bitch pockets full of cash when he returned from war, only to never make it home? And that the man hunted your daughter down the day of Kevin's funeral to hold her accountable for his debt? How? I couldn't, it would kill her again. She'd die just like she did the day the Army came to inform us of his demise. For her to find out her son had an addiction to sex; to dirty, violent sex, that he indulged himself with to the point
he drained his bank account, and still owed ten grand to an evil, manipulative maniac... Whatever piece of her soul still held onto her son would be smashed to bits. I wouldn't do that to her and my father. Or to Kevin. He was my brother, and I loved him regardless of his demons. “Oh, Avni, see? I knew you shouldn't have moved out. It's not safe to be a single woman living on her own. I'm just so glad you're alright.” She squeezed my fingers, sending a sharp pain through my arm. When I got to the hospital, I found out there was a lot more damage than I
thought. In the chaos of Vito pummeling me on the floor, he had broken three of my fingers. I was sure it happened during my attempts to block his hits. I had a split lip, that resulted in five stitches, and a hemorrhage to my right cheek, which also had two hair-line fractures. And in the mess of him beating me down, there must have been a kick. According to the doctor, my broken ribs resulted from a serious hard blow. But with the adrenaline rushing in that moment of horror, I didn't feel any of it. Overall, I looked like I had been hit by a car and taken for a spin under the wheel. Every inch of my body was sore,
but my face was a giant pulsating pile of pain. Oh and there's something else... Not yet, now is not the time. “I'll be fine, Mom. But my meals are going to be shit for awhile, huh?” I tried to laugh, the fake chuckle escaping by force. Her eyes opened wide, shining with a spark of humor as her lip lifted into a crescent moon. “I'm glad you can humor yourself, but your meals have been shit unless you were eating at home anyway.” Rubbing my arm, she pulled the universal staple of a hospital blanket higher on my chest. “Please don't make me laugh too hard, it hurts.” Letting my eyes close, I
tried to wish the intense pain away. Only to start hitting the red button on my bed to signal the nurses I needed more pain medication. Wishing wasn't doing shit. “Excuse me, Ms. Boyd, this is Detective West.” Dr. Creed was standing next to an older man, dressed in a deep black suit. “He would like to ask you a few questions, if you feel up to it.” The detective cut in, holding up his leather wallet, and letting it flop open to display his shiny silver badge. “Ms. Boyd, it really would be best if we did this now. Especially while it's all still fresh. I don't want to bombard you with questions, I know you're in pain. But if
we're going to catch this guy, we need any info you can give us.” You're not going to catch him, because I can't tell you the truth. Nodding my head, I asked, “Can my mother stay?” “It's up to you. Do you think she'll be able to handle hearing the whole story? Mrs. Boyd, I don't mean to talk like you're not here, but this is up to your daughter.” Looking at my mom, she had an uncomfortable glare in her eyes. I don't even think she knew if she could handle hearing what happened. Not that what I was going to tell the detective was even going to remotely be close to the true story.
“Mom, do you want to stay?” Pursing her lips, she said, “You know, I think I'll go talk with the doctor, find out about what you're going to need once they release you.” Standing, she played with the edges of my crusty, crimson coated hair. “Unless you want me to stay, Honey. I'll stay if you need me to.” Shaking my head no, I smiled. “No, I'll be fine. Go talk to Dr. Creed. He'll make you feel better anyway.” Tossing me one last smile with her eyes, she kissed my forehead, and stepped out of the room. Detective West flipped open a small notepad, tugging a pen from behind his ear. His hair was peppered with black
and gray, a trace of youthfulness still hung on his face. I wondered if he was actually younger than I pegged him for, one of those men that go gray much sooner in life. Flattening his tie against his chest, he pointed to a chair at my side. “May I?” “Yeah, help yourself.” I mumbled out, my voice a shade deeper than usual. My throat was dry and scratchy, the small ice chips the nurses left on my tray did nothing to quench the desert in my throat. “Okay, so let's start at the beginning. What time did you get home? Where were you coming from? Run me through your night up to the attack.”
In that moment, I thanked my parents for having more than one child. Having grown up with a brother like mine, fibbing became second nature. I had learned early on how to falsify silly stories to get him in trouble, or get me out of trouble. Another thing I suddenly missed, and my heart began to hurt more than my body. “Well, I came home from work about eleven-thirty. Nothing seemed unusual, I gathered my things together in the car before getting out. Then I started up to my door, when a guy came running out of nowhere.” The detective nodded attentively, jotting notes on the paper.
Imaginary notes I'm creating on the spot. Mostly on the spot, I had of course given myself a pre-story before calling for the ambulance. “Then what happened? Did he come at you from behind?” Holding his pen, Detective West sat in a momentary state of suspension. His finger eagerly tapped the pen, staring at me for more information. “Honestly I'm not too sure, I caught a quick flash over my shoulder. But he hit me so hard I fell to the ground, I can't say for sure if he was behind or to the side.” His hand moved wildly against the white lined tablet he wrote on. “Then
what?” “He hit me a few times, then yelled for money. I didn't have any, so he beat on me a few more times. How much, again I'm not sure. At that point everything went into slow motion, and I blacked out.” “Did you ever see his face? Any identifying marks?” Yeah, he was a weaselly looking man. Mustache, sinister stare, royal dick. “No, I didn't get a good look at him.” “What about a car? Did he get into one when he left?” “I'm not sure, I blacked out. I woke up on the sidewalk, and he was gone.”
“No one else saw anything? Were there any other witnesses?” His mouth contorted into a warped figure eight. Is he buying it? It was hard to tell. He wasn't really giving me anything to go on. His facial expression was a torrent of hard and soft stares, he fiddled with his notepad, shifted in his seat. I wasn't sure if he was questioning my story inside. But I stayed as calm as I could, firm in my words and actions of the night. “I don't know, no one came running to help. So I'm assuming not. Shit, if they did and just kept going after seeing some fucker beating a woman, then hell has a special place in it for them.”
Hell has a special place for Vito. And so help me if I get the chance, he's going to meet his maker. I had never felt so angry or enraged in my life. He had turned me into a walking hand grenade. And I was ready to pull the pin, give him a taste of his own medicine. Avni, not now. It's too dangerous. You have another life to think about. “Is there anything else you can remember? Anything at all that might help us find the creep who did this?” His name was Vito. “No, I don't think so.” Flicking his card from his pocket, he held it between two fingers in my direction. “If you think of anything else,
anything at all, you give me a call. Alright?” Nodding 'yes,' I took the small card stock rectangle. “You're a lucky girl, Avni.” Forcing yet another smile across my face, he turned and left me alone with my thoughts. Alone with my false police report filling my head. Alone. I don't want to be alone, I don't want to die alone. I want... Levi. *** Shuffling my feet across the tiles of my kitchen, I kicked on the gas to make a nice hot cup of tea.
Finally released from the hospital, it took them two days to send me home. My mom tried to coax me back to her house, said she would take good care of me. I just wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed. Luckily, we were able to compromise. She was going to come over everyday and make sure I ate, had my medicine, and ensure there was no danger. That one made me giggle. I didn't like lying to my mom about the real reason I had been turned into a human punching bag. I just had no other choice, it was for the best. And now, I had to try and pull myself off the bottom. Because it wasn't just me
anymore. I had to come to terms with the hand I've been dealt, I had to learn to cope with the nasty things life threw my way. Because I was pregnant. Pregnant. Even thinking the word felt strange and unworldly to me. I was on birth control, so how the hell does that happen? I knew how, and it wasn't because Levi had super sperm that battled a fierce army inside my womb, breaking through and conquering my core. The why and how was actually more simple than I could ever have imagined, and never took into consideration. Antibiotics.
All I could do was curse my damn body's natural magnet for UTI's and embrace the new life that was claiming my belly. Levi had tried to call me over a dozen times, the messages he sent went from curious to panicked. I had picked up my phone to call him several times, but my nerves had gotten the best of me. I knew he'd be pissed and frantic. He had called, he never called. Of course he must have been in a nervewracking frenzy! The hard part was thinking of the news I had to give him. I played it over and over in my head.
How I would say it, what words I would use. Wondering if I should just blurt it out, or maybe do something special to hint at it. Either way, he needed to know. And he was forever going to have a concrete place in my world. Mother, mom, mommy; a new label I was going to have to adjust to. There was no more room for self pity and walls. Because my life just went from one to two.
Chapter Nineteen Levi Her car has been there, but where the fuck is she? Avni hadn't returned my calls, she wouldn't answer the door. My fear and worry was boiling at a rapid pace. It'd been way too long with no contact, and I had no clue where her family lived. We were supposed to make plans to go to her parents for dinner, I was finally going to meet her dad this weekend. And now, she seemed to disappear. Was she having second thoughts about me meeting her dad? Nothing seems to make sense!
T was still home, each time I was at her door, I could hear his little feet scratching the wood. But I never heard her voice, no feet padded across the floor. My stomach had spent the past few days sitting in my throat. The soft buzz of my phone against the table sent my nerves into a stampede of electric shocks. Grabbing it, I flicked the screen open. -Sorry I haven't called. Come over and I can explain everything. My heart began to race, the thought of her trying to pull away again stabbed my brain like a serrated knife. She had come so far, each day slowly giving me more and more of her. The way she walked was different, her
laugh held more weight, even her smile would split from nothing. Now this, she'd been avoiding me and is finally ready to talk. For the first time, I felt angry at her. To take a step back and try to build her wall again; it was bullshit. And I wasn't going to let her back out, she was finally feeling true happiness. Something she thought she lost long ago, even though it was always there locked deep inside. Slamming my door shut, I hit the pavement. I wasn't going to waste one more second. She could talk, I would let her; then it would be my turn. This time I wasn't going to go easy on her. It was time for me to throw it out
there. I knew what I wanted, and that was Avni. The short walk over seemed to take a lifetime. I walked two steps at a time, and it still seemed to be so much further away. No matter how quickly I went, the time was in slow motion. Reaching her steps, I jumped the first three, landing on the top stoop. The door slowly pulled open. I was ready to yell, curse, tell her to stop ignoring herself and finally admit that I meant more to her than a fucking bodyguard or friend with benefits. Lifting my eyes to meet hers, all the warming sensations slammed to a halt. “What the fuck happened to you?” My hands slipped over her cheeks, cupping
her face. I didn't expect the sight that met my eyes. Avni's face was swollen, deep splashes of blue and purple painted her skin. Her already plump and silky lips were engorged and split, cracking around the blackened stitches holding them together. Her eye was almost swollen shut, puffing up around the lid and keeping her beautiful eye encased in a tomb. Small scratches rode across her hands, broken nails and splints fitted her fingers. “Who do you think happened to me?” Her harsh tone speared me, careening my heart in the center and stopping it briefly.
Gritting my teeth, I spoke low. “Vito, he did this?” Brushing her hair behind her ears, Avni swatted my hand away. Hatred filled my soul that a man could actually put his hands on a woman that way, on my woman that way. “Don't.” She snapped, making my chest hurt. To see her broken, to see what he had done to her... My blood hit a new boiling point, liquid fire was feeding my body. This was what I was supposed to protect her from, this was what she needed me for, and I wasn't there. A surge of anger, turned rage, turned sadness, turned failure. I wasn't there for her.
And in my absence, he had stretched out his hand of punishment. Vito had taken the angel that flew into my world, the sacred winged creature that resurrected life back into my blackened heart, and pounded her into the dirt. “I'm going to kill him.” Balling my fists, the nails buried deep into my palm. Wrapping her arms tight around her ribs, she turned and headed inside. Her body looked weak and exhausted. Her steps labored and soft. I wanted to scoop her up, coil her in my arms and sweep all her pain away. Lowering to the couch, her small companion hopped up by her side. “I know it looks bad, Levi. But I'm okay.”
“Okay? That bastard beat the fuck out of you. You're not okay.” Throwing my fingers through my hair, my hand rested on my hip. I wanted to sit down, wanted to let her fall into my chest. But my muscles were teeming with hatred, chest hurting with anger. I was ready to bolt out the door and hunt down my enemy. “Yeah, he beat the shit out me. That's why I haven't returned your calls, I was in the hospital.” “Why didn't you call me sooner? I would've come to the hospital.” Lunging to her side, I sat on my haunches. “I'm not letting this happen, I'm not letting him get away with this.”
“It's done, Levi. He did it, he beat the shit out of me. What are you going to do? Run and find a ghost that doesn't exist? Even if you could find him, then what?” “Then what?! I'm going to kill this fucking guy, that's what! How can you just dismiss it like it doesn't matter?” Jolting upright, I bit my knuckles. How could she just sit there and think like that? She didn't deserve this, and I was going to make sure he couldn't hurt her again. I had given her my word, and I failed. I wasn't going to fail again. There was no fucking way.
“You can't do that, I won't let you. If I just give him what he wants then he'll be gone. I just have to figure out how.” Grabbing her forehead, she fell forward into her hands. “I don't know what else to do.” “I'm not going to just sit back and let that fucker get away with this. I can't!” The soldier in me wanted to run off and hunt him down, put a bullet in his head. But in the same instance, I wanted to stay by her side, never leave her alone again. If he came back while I was out trying to find him, Lord knows what he'd do. And I didn't know how I'd deal with that. But I also couldn't sit by and wait
for him to show up. I was taking charge of this fucking mess, and ending it now. “Levi! You can't, I can't let you put yourself at death's door. He showed me no mercy, he certainly isn't going to think twice about putting a bullet between your eyes.” “I don't care, Avni! I can't stand by and watch this happen. I'm not letting him win.” “Fuck, Levi, just stop. I can fix this myself, I can. I don't need you getting involved and making it worse.” Avni's eye was wide, her deep hazel glare penetrating me in one look. I wanted to take her right there. In all my anger over what Vito had done to her, my cock surged to please her.
To give her pleasure to replace her pain, to give her ecstasy in place of torment. “You can't stop this, I need to end it. He can't come back here, he can't touch you again. Avni, this is out of your control, can't you see that?” Dipping to my knees, I squeezed her wrists. “Can't you see this is bigger than you? I promised you I was going to keep you safe. I failed once, I won't fail again.” “This isn't about that, Levi. You couldn't have known he would do this, I didn't. And I do need you, but I need you here.” Her swollen fingers gripped my hand, face lowering to meet my gaze. “You can't risk your life, not anymore.”
Cocking a brow, I shook my head. “I'm not going to stand by and watch this happen, I'm not.” Her face was soft, eyes washing over me with concern, despair, tenderness. Placing her hand on my shoulder, she stiffened her back. “I can't let you do that. There's something you need to know.” Nervous twinges hit her wrist, tapping against my shoulder. “I don't need to know anything, Avni. I need to fix this. And that's what I'm going to do, I have to.” Jerking away, I stood up and headed for the door. “No, you need to hear this, it's important!” Her eyes burned into the back of my skull, descending in a snap. “Levi—”
No matter how much I wanted to stay, I had to find him. Vito was going to pay for what he did to her, for what he did to my woman. My feet were unsteady, hands shaking and balling by my sides. Red had bled into my eyes. Rage had finally overtaken any and all rational thoughts that might have tried to force their way in. At that point, I didn't care about my career, I didn't care about my life; it was only vengeance. He was going to feel the pain he had created, he was going to experience fearing for his own life. And until he was begging me for forgiveness, begging me to let him live; I wouldn't stop.
Avni's voice faded into the distance as I took off, her screams turned to whispers, words falling to the swipe of wind. I had to do this. If I didn't, who knows what he might try and do to her next. There was no way in hell I was going to stand by and let him torment her anymore. This was ending now.
Chapter Twenty Levi “What's your name soldier?” His hands moved around my thigh; squeezing, pushing, incinerating the muscle with each touch. “Hite,” I said through gritted teeth. My thigh burned, the intense pain clawing its way up my back and over my toes. “Alright, Hite, I'm going to get you out of here. But I'm going to need you to stand, can you do that?” The bullets popped around us, dirt and dust filling the tiny room we took for protection.
I could hear the loud yell of foreign voices, angry yelps and hoots as the gunfire broke around us. “Yeah, I can try.” Breathing in slow, I tried to focus on getting up and ignoring the shattered glass feeling of my leg. “Okay, good. I'm bandaging your leg the best I can for now, but you need a doctor. Man, your leg looks like shit.” “Thanks, I was trying to go for the tough guy look.” “Good, a sense of humor. You need that here. Alright, wrap your arm around my neck.” Throwing my arm around his head, the unknown soldier grunted as he
lifted me to my feet. The pain intensified as I tried to put a little weight on my foot. Biting down hard, I grabbed the wound. “I don't know if I can do this. It hurts like a fucking bitch.” “You don't have a choice, do you want to live?” The man leaned into my face, his eyes full of fear and desperation to get us back to safety. “I have my unit waiting a few blocks over. They're holding it down, but if we're going to go, we need to go now.” Nodding, my jaw was chattering against my teeth as the throbbing pain hit the nerves. Using my free hand, I threw my gun over my shoulder and yanked my knife
off the belt. “Alright, on the count of three we head north, there's a blind spot three buildings over. You got that?” “Yeah, let's fucking go. I'm not dying here like this. Fuck these assholes.” Holding my knife up, the soldier popped his head out the open doorway, looking side to side. “One, two, three!” He yelled, gripping an arm around my back. Hopping on my good leg, the torn up one dragged behind us. The scream I let out was one I could never recreate. It was pure pain, anguish, fear, and rage all balled up into one lung-filled burst.
The short scramble to the next safe zone seemed endless. Bullets pierced the ground around us, the sand billowing up into tiny dust clouds. I'm not going to lie, I was lucky I didn't shit my pants. Diving into the shadow of cover, I couldn't breathe. My lungs were filled with debris and granules of sand. “Fuck, that wasn't fun.” Clenching my thigh, I did my best to fight off the fire hitting the muscle. “We still have a ways to go, how you holding up?” “I'm breathing right?” “Damn straight. I'm getting you out of here, Hite.” The man looked younger
than me, but his ability to keep calm and focused was well beyond his years. Tearing his radio off his belt, he yelled to his men. The raspy broken voices fired back in return. And they sounded more stressed than the man beside me; the man who was saving my fucking life. “Are they still there?” I asked, inhaling as much air as I could to calm my chest, and the pain creeping in. “Yeah, but they said we got a couple guys heading our way. We've got to move.” Curling my arm around the muscle of his neck, we ducked back out and onto the street.
Turning the corner, we both stopped dead in our tracks. *** The sun had started to fade, sinking its massive body behind the skyline. The bright oranges and yellows radiated through the blue sky, hitting and splashing colors across the buildings around me. I thought about taking my recon by foot, but this town had plenty of places for a man like Vito to hide. So, my car was the best option, it also gave me some cover so he wouldn't spot me right away. Hopefully.
This needed to be a surprise, I had to come in quick and fast. There wasn't going to be any time for exchanges of words, no time for him to grab backup for help. My plan was to move quick, move hard, and make him beg me for forgiveness. And depending on how sincere his apology ended up would decide his fate. All I could do was hope he showed me an ounce of pure regret for what he did. If not, then there would be no mercy on my end. I've been face to face with men who were more evil than this tiny prick. I hated thinking about that day, about that moment...
But when it's life or death; and it's your life you're fighting for, the decision was anything but necessary in the moment. A man can do unforgivable acts to keep living. But that didn't mean it wasn't relived everyday and I didn't pray for forgiveness. God knows I did. Coasting down the street, I made my way around the area of town that was supposed to be filled with crime and pure shit. There were no other words to describe the hot spot for filth. It was exactly what you'd expect; dirt, drugs, and nasty pussy.
Girls hung around the corners, waving their hands as I passed by, trying to flag me down for a quickie. Hoping for a few measly bucks in their pockets, most likely to hit their next high or alcohol binge. Either way, these girls didn't look like the ones you'd want to let loose with for a night of fun. Their hair was dirty, slicked back with the oils they never washed out. The short dresses were tattered and dull, outlines of under fed ribs protruded from their sides. And the undeniable red track lines rode their arms like a painted body suit. Rolling to a stop, I lowered the window. “Hey, how you ladies doing
tonight?” I asked. One woman walked over, her oversized heels shook and rocked beneath her legs. “Hey, Cutie, you looking for a little company tonight?” “Yeah, I am. But I need to find Vito, you happen to know where he might be?” Her eyes rolled, jaw slanting to the side. “Vito? Fuck Vito, you don't need his girls. You can have all this for way less.” Her tongue dragged across her teeth, highlighting her lack of dental care. Shivering with disgust, I tried to keep my stomach from expelling everything inside. “Thanks, Doll, but I owe him a bit of money. So if you could
point me in his direction that would help,” I said, hoping she'd understand and just finger where he was. If Vito was a major player in the world of underground sex, this woman would know exactly where to find him. Even if she wasn't one of his girls. “You a cop?” Her brow raised, hand drifting to her hip. She wavered on her feet, her legs doing all they could to keep her standing straight. “Fuck no, Baby. I just need to find him, then maybe I'll come back, give you a chance to make me rethink using Vito's girls.” The extremely slender woman's shoulders relaxed, rolling forward as she leaned over to my window. “Alright,
Handsome.” Sliding a finger over my shoulder, she tilted her head. “So long as you promise to keep me in mind.” Gross, no. Never. Not a chance in hell. “Absolutely. So where is he now?” I was willing to tell her whatever I needed to just to get a hair closer to the man who put his unearned hands on Avni. He never had the right to touch her, she wasn't his. “Vito's been hanging up at Dylan st. You should find him there.” Kissing two fingers, she pressed the tips against my cheek. “See you soon, Baby.” Nodding, I tossed her a forced smile. When in reality, I wanted to burn my
cheek; sanitize it with alcohol and caustic acid. Anything to clean my skin and remove the touch of pure maladies. Raising the window, I let my face disappear behind the tint. The sky had turned mop water gray, the vibrant colors now dissipating as the dark clouds rolled in. Turning right onto Dylan, I crept up the street slowly, eyes scanning wildly for his sleek black car. Then it happened; his face, his evil eyes set deep inside the sockets. He had stepped out of an unmarked building, head twisting as he looked around over his shoulders. His signature car was tucked between two trucks, barely visible until
you were right on top of it. Squeezing a death grip around my steering wheel, my knuckles drained white. The force of blood redirected to my pounding chest. It took everything I had to not leap from my car right there. But he had a cluster of men around him, too many for me to take all at once. Pulling off to the curb, I watched and waited. Vito was laughing, his arms throwing tight side hugs around his buddies. I'm going to beat the fucking piss out him. And when I'm done, I'll beat him again. Rage was swimming across my brain, turning every inch of my body into a savage huntsman. Vito became my
game, and the only weapon would be my hands. I wanted to feel him fear me, feel him regret laying a hand on Avni. When my fingers were finally wrapped tightly around his neck, and his breathing became labored; when his face struggled to catch a gulp of air, and his eyes were begging me to cut him loose; then and only then would I have his life in my hands and decide his fate. He was just going to have to decide how sorry he was for what he did. Maybe he would even recapture images of other women he had hurt in his past; their faces would stream in, crying for him to show them mercy.
And when he didn't, when he had passed out whatever punishment he'd felt necessary, I hoped he'd feel the same pain as them. I was going to be the judge, jury, and executioner for his crime. Glaring through blackened glass, Vito climbed into his car. Alone. Alone, perfect. The rev of his engine charged my nerves, blood thrashing through my veins as the adrenaline surged. Turning onto the street, Vito took off. And I followed. I wasn't sure when or how I was going to make my entrance. Maybe if he turned down a more secluded street, or maybe when he stopped at the next red
light. I didn't know, but when the moment was right, I planned on striking. But to catch your prey, patience was key. If I let my emotions control me effortlessly, then I would have charged him outside on the street. With my luck, the surrounding gang would've jumped me and hung me out to dry. One man against twelve was not a fair fight. This was between Vito and me. And he had no clue I was on his trail ready to strike at any moment. Trying to keep my distance, I wanted to follow him with the hope he wouldn't notice me there. This needed to be a complete and utter surprise. But that's not how it went down, and I shouldn't
have been stupid enough to think it would go smooth. Nothing went smooth for me, ever. The last flicker of sunlight reflected off the inside of his car, lighting up his rearview mirror. And my face in the car behind him. Fuck! I was too close. Even from where I was I watched his eyes expand, lip curling up in anger. His face shifted between the side mirror and the rearview mirror, his neck wildly twisting as he was trying to get his brain to register who was trailing him. The roar of his engine grew louder, taillights shrinking as he picked up speed.
A chase? I'm going to have to chase this motherfucker?! I didn't care, I was going to do whatever I needed to catch him. He wasn't getting away that easily. Gripping my wheel tighter, my foot turned into dead weight. Pressing full force on the throttle, I sped up on the ass of his black sports car. I could see him mouthing curse words in his mirror, middle finger flying out the driver's side window, and waving wildly in the wind. Grinning, my gimlet eyes turned crimson with fury. Clamping my hands tighter around the leather, I floored the pedal.
Vito might have had a quick sports car, but I had determination; and not an ounce of fear. The squeal of rubber against the pavement broke the air. Deep charcoal smoke billowed from under Vito's car. Squinting my eyes, I drove through blindly, unsure of what rested beyond the fog. As the smoke cleared, Vito's car had flipped around the corner. It was resting on the roof, his lifeless body hanging upside down. Slamming on my brakes, I tore myself from my car and stormed over to him. My foot broke through the glass, his limp body sat motionless. But even his lack of movement didn't stop my rage.
Tearing him from his seatbelt, I yanked Vito through the broken window. I didn't need to check and see if he was breathing, the long groan he let out as I dropped him to the ground was enough. Hovering over him like a threatening storm, a lackluster smile emerged behind thin lips, fists curling with icy contempt. Vito slowly opened his eyes, a bloody grin spilling under his swelling nose. “Look who came out to play. How nice of you to join me for some fun.” His evil laugh hit my ears, my brain singeing with pure hatred. “How's your girl? Did you enjoy the new look I gave her?” In one thrust, my fists began to fly. Punch after punch they rained down,
crashing into his softened bones. Even if I wanted to stop them, I couldn't. There was so much anger filling my insides, I didn't even see the man beneath me. Suddenly, a loud pop echoed through the trees. The sound was familiar, the scent even more of a reminder. Metal and sulfur; it was gunfire. Looking down, my shirt began to soak and drown in red. Holding my hand to my ribs, I felt the warm trickle flow down my skin. I've been shot. Fuck, again? The pain was blinded by the blanket of adrenaline that had formed a hardened bubble around my body.
The sound of sirens rang off in the distance, the loud whirring drawing closer each second. My body was working on nothing but disdain and redemption. I wasn't done with Vito yet, and he certainly wasn't going to win this. Even if I died. I was going to die fighting for her, fighting for Avni. It was ending here, she wasn't going to fear for her life anymore. My muscles firmed, tensing instinctively under the skin. I was in autopilot, a rage- fueled, love-fueled junkie. And nothing, not even a fucking bullet was going to stop me. Not until I knew she would be safe.
Growling under my breath, my eyes zeroed in on Vito. His gun had jammed, fingers wildly trying to fix the clip. That was my chance, that was my opening from the world above, giving me a clear and generous nod at what I was about to do. A voice filled my head, the natural sounds around me faded out. Now! Now! Do it! Launching myself forward, I knocked the gun from his hands. Vito's eyes lit in disbelief, the first real look of fear I'd seen him with. He had gotten so used to being unstoppable, so laced in the world he built around himself that he felt unbeatable.
Vito thought he was immune to others, a god in a world built for the feeble minded. So much of his time was spent clenching the weaknesses of those around him, never expecting he'd get knocked off his high horse. Driving my knee into his neck, a gurgled yell filled his throat. The world around me was starting to go hazy, blackness was filing in the edges. I was losing a lot of blood and it was taking its toll on my body. Vito's arms thudded against my chest, my head, crashing down onto my back. But that's all they were; thuds. Weak, frail hits that I didn't feel; that I wouldn't feel.
I wasn't going to stop until I collapsed, or someone came to drag me off of him. I didn't know how many times I hit him, how many times I kicked him, all I knew was that my hands had no feeling left. My chest was fighting to keep air going in, my mouth was fighting to keep my throat moving the oxygen down, and my head was fighting to stay conscious. The tunnel was closing in around my eyes, the small opening barely large enough for light to filter in. With one final blow to Vito's head, the world around me went silent. The night took over my eyes in a warped hole of nothingness. No light, no stars, no sounds.
Nothing. And I wondered if I had died. Had the bullet pierced my heart? Had it hit an artery? Voices hummed inside my head, but that's all they were. Faceless voices in the deepest shadow of darkness. Until it all faded away. And there was nothing.
Chapter Twenty-One Avni “Hello?” A long pause filled my ears, white noise crackling through the speaker. “Hello? Levi, is that you?” But there was nothing. The deep baritone voice I hoped would fill my head was a barren wasteland of dead sound. Where is he? I need to talk to him. Fuck, Levi! He wouldn't answer my calls, my texts went unread and trashed. Levi had run off in such a huff I didn't even get the chance to tell him why I needed him to stay.
His pigheaded reaction caused his protective nature to take hold. In other words, his balls grew three sizes and over took his brain. He was a man on a war path, Romeo taking on the Capulets by force. And I was afraid, afraid for his safety, afraid of what he might do... If he killed Vito, he'd be no better off than if Vito killed him. His life would still end, he'd be exiled to his last breaths behind bars. And I would be alone, again. The one and only thing I hated and wanted to avoid at all costs. The jingle of my phone sent a tremor through my muscles. Looking down, I didn't recognize the number.
“Hello?” I asked, unsure if I was about to hear the voice of my enemy. My chest had seized, frozen to the thought that Vito's rough tone might fly through the speaker. The sound of his voice would send a shrill, vile sting into my heart. And if he tried to reprimand me for Levi, for whatever he tried to do... I'd die right there. “Is this Avni?” A woman asked, her soft voice was comforting and calming. In the same instance her voice brought on nerves, my stomach churning and moving in unnatural flips against my ribs. “Yes, this is Avni.” “Hi, Avni. My name is Diane, Diane Hite.”
Diane Hite? Hite... Levi Hite. Oh no, what happened? My worst fears were coming to life right before my eyes. My hands began to shake violently, fingers doing all they could to keep the speaker plastered to my skull. I couldn't speak, I couldn't stop my head from tangling around images of Levi, and what Vito had done to him. I hadn't had the chance to meet his mom yet, for her to call me meant it couldn't be good. “Avni, Sweetheart, my son has told me so much about you. I'm sorry were only talking for the first time under these circumstances.”
I was trying to listen for tears, straining my neck to see if I could hear even the faintest sound of sadness in her tone. But Diane had a coolness in her words, a gentle disguise I should have seen right through. “He told you about me?” Why I didn't ask her what happened, or why she was calling, I don't know. Maybe it was just the shock and fear of the phone call to begin with that twisted my brain in a million directions. “Oh, Honey, Levi hasn't stopped talking about you since he met you. And that's why I'm calling, I think he'd want me to call you.” Even though I couldn't see her face, I could feel her fidgeting
with her fingers. The delicate patter of flesh against flesh rang like cymbals crashing together. “Why? Where is he? Did something happen?” My voice broke with each question, wavering under the tears that wanted to claim my eyes, and the intense sobbing my chest was ready to pour out. No! Not yet, I haven't told him yet! This couldn't be happening, he couldn't be gone. I needed him here, he promised to keep me safe. How could he be gone? It wasn't possible, he gave me his word. I wasn't ready for this, not before I told him how his life... How our life, was about to change. Life was so cruel and unforgiving.
What did I do that was so bad I didn't deserve one ounce of happiness? Why did my life have to be littered with death and sadness? I hated my life right in that moment. I just couldn't understand what I could have done to deserve to have this happen again. Was I such a horrible person I didn't earn the right to love someone? Was I evil enough to earn the blackness my life had warped into? “Avni, you need to go to the hospital. You need to go see him while you still can.” Diane paused for a long moment, only her heavy breathing penetrated the hollow crackle. “Please, I think he'd want you to go see him one last time.”
My eyes welled up with hot tears. Breaking the surface, they seared my cheek as they poured over my skin. Even if I wanted to stop the waterfall clouding my gaze, I couldn't. This was all too much for me to handle. Levi had taken my world by storm, crashed into my life with a fierceness I couldn't have seen coming. And in a blink, it was all over. His meager time in my world had stained my brain, soaking in so deep I knew I'd never get him out. Especially not now, not after learning I was pregnant. How could the father of my child be swept away in a flash?
Why did my unborn child deserve a life without their father? What did we do!? Huh! Tell me?! Screaming inside my head, I tilted my neck up towards the ceiling. I wanted the answers to fall from the sky, break through the plaster, and smack me head on. But nothing came, I stood in empty silence, phone hanging by my side. Levi's mom was calling my name, waiting for me to answer. And I couldn't. I let the call go dead, I let my heart fall out of my chest onto the floor. I didn't have the strength to pick it up and stuff it back in. My heart had turned black and sour. Soiled from the torture of whatever
power above had rained down onto me like hundreds of poisonous stingers. My life was over. I wasn't going to be the same person ever again, I couldn't be. Between the loss of my brother, and the loss of the man I had come to love... Air became my enemy, and I wished I could force it all away.
Chapter Twenty-Two Avni Standing in the foyer, the iodized scent of sanitized plastic hit my senses. I stood frozen, staring aimlessly around the room. The state ordered couches looked like they were built from cement, the thin cushion resting on top acted as a cheap trick to insinuate comfort. Fake plants rested in every corner, the terracotta bases all identical and lacking design. I had no idea where to go, or if I even wanted to go any further than the main entrance. Breathe. You need to do this.
Levi's mom had said I should see him while I still could. What did that mean? I didn't know if I had the strength to do it. What if it's already too late? Taking a labored step to the front desk, I patted my swollen eyes from the gallons of tears I shed. I didn't want to think of this being the last time I might ever see Levi. Yet, I also knew I would have given anything to have one more hour with Kevin, one more time to touch him, to smell him. There was no going back, distance had sealed my time with Kevin; I couldn't pass on the chance to say goodbye to Levi.
Goodbye... Don't think about that yet. This was something I needed to do. Not coming would've been wrong, and I knew I'd regret it for the rest of my days if I didn't. At least I could tell our unborn child he slipped into heaven knowing he had a baby, knowing that I... I love him. Clutching a hand to my chest, my heart began to tear and break away. “Can I help you?” The woman with shoulder length blonde hair shifted in her seat, fingers steadily resting on the keyboard. Her eyes drifted around my face, sipping on the slowly fading bruises and swelling.
“Um, yes, I'm here to see Levi Hite.” Her fingers wildly tapped against the keys, brows scrunching together. “Miss, I'm sorry, but he's in intensive care. Are you family?” No, but I'm carrying his child. Does that count? “Well, no, not exactly. But his mother called me and asked me to come.” “I'm sorry, Miss.” Pursing her lips, she folded her shoulders over. “But right now, they're only letting family in to see him.” “Please, you need to let me in. I have to see him, it's important.” “I'm sorry, but I can't.” Leaning in over the desk, I read her name tag. “Joanne, look, I understand the
rules, but I have to see him. This might be my last chance to, I need to do this, please.” “I understand you're concerned, but I'm sorry—” “Avni?” The familiar woman's voice claimed my attention, cutting off the secretary. “Yes.” “I'm Levi's mom, Diane.” Before I could speak, the woman had her arms wrapped tightly around my neck. Her frail frame yanked me in hard, squeezing me in an embrace only a mother could have. “This way, I'll take you to him.” I didn't spare another glance at the woman behind her desk. I understood completely she was just doing her job;
even if I was tempted to jump the counter, shove her out of the way and read the room number he was in. “What happened?” I was trying so hard to not cry again. I didn't want to upset her anymore than I was sure she already was. We were mirror images of each other, hovering behind glass on different planes. I could touch her hands, feel her pain, undeniably agree with her that the world was cold and lonely. The woman had lost her husband when Levi was a baby, and now her only child was hanging on by a thread. She had to be tattered and beaten down, her soul getting sucked out by the devil itself.
The devil that I placed in Levi's hands. The devil I brought to his doorstep, the evil I had strung on his shoulders to carry for me. Sniffling, Diane tugged a tissue from her purse, wiping her nose. The tip was raw and red, her eyes bloodshot and puffy from what looked like years of crying. “All I really know is he was shot and stabbed, Honey. The police haven't given me too many details because they're still investigating. But there was another man there, who I guess was deceased, and then Levi.” The tears started to drip off her eyes, her chest lifting with the weight of a thousand pounds. “I don't know how this
happened, I don't know why this happened.” Shaking her head, she sobbed quietly into her hands. I know why, your son was protecting me. He saved me. Inside, I wanted to scream the words, yell at the top of my lungs that this was my fault. But Diane looked so delicate, so fragile. I couldn't grab the strength to tell her this all happened because of me. The other man had to be Vito, that was who he had gone after. Was it possible that Levi had protected me till the end? Had he given his life to make sure mine would go on?
I didn't want him to leave, I wanted him to stay. But he did what he set out to do... He saved me. And what if he didn't? What if it wasn't Vito? There were a lot of men who worked for him, maybe it was one of them. Was it possible that a protector of Vito's empire had been the one to die? Vito could still be out there. Shuddering with the thought, prickles drove across my neck, piercing my skin like hot sparks that broke off the long fingers of flames. Not knowing if he was still alive or dead in that moment didn't scare me as much as I thought it would.
All my emotions had turned to knives, ready to glide across the throat of my enemy. If he was still alive, I planned on taking care of him myself. He wasn't going to get away with this. Not this, no fucking way. Reaching two double doors, Diane leaned in and hit the button. The doors buzzed open, and she headed straight through. Following closely behind, my head was rash and blistered with images of what I might see. Would he still look like himself? Would he be swollen and unrecognizable? Would he be able to hear me?
There were so many questions, and my heart hurt knowing that in a single moment I would have my answers. Diane's feet came to a halt, her shoulders perched back high. Nodding her head to a thick door, she said, “He's right in there, Sweetheart. Go on, take your time, I'll be right here if you need me.” “You're not coming in?” Anxious eyes veered in my glare. I wanted to go see him, but I wasn't sure I was strong enough to go alone. “I will be, but I want you to go, say whatever it is that's in your heart. That's only for you two, not for my ears. Go ahead, you'll be fine.” Brushing her
fingers across my arm, Diane inhaled a long, deep breath. “He can hear me? Is he awake?” A thin rope of string tugged the words from my tongue, a splinter of happiness clinging to the end. “No, Avni, he's in a coma. But the doctor assures me he can hear us if we talk to him.” “So he can wake up, right? If he can hear us, he can wake up. Can't he?” “They don't know. Right now, he can't breathe on his own, his brain is in a state of rest is what they said. But he might not come out of that rest, and the doctors said there's a good chance he won't. And even if he does, he might not be himself.”
Not himself? Traumatic brain injury, lack of oxygen, severe denial of blood to the head... My mind began to ramble, running through a list of things I knew could end the life of the Levi I knew. I was all too familiar with what a person could end up like after an injury like that, way too familiar. Working in the field I did, there were plenty of people who had fallen victim to a traumatic brain injury. And none of them were the spitting image of who they used to be. I didn't want that for Levi, it was the saddest sight to see. A man who bore the tags of a normal life, confined to a new life locked inside their own head.
No. No, not him. He'll fight it. He has to! Diane nodded her head, nudging me towards his room. “Go on, Honey. You can do this.” Biting my nails, I stepped towards the door. Once inside, I was ready to run in the other direction, jump in my car and speed off to my safe place. But if he could hear me, he needed to know about the baby. Even if he never woke up, he would know a piece of him was still here. A piece that would live knowing their father was a hero. He was unselfish in so many ways, giving his life for our country, giving his life for me. He took that and wore it with
pride, a golden pendant that hung weightlessly around his body. Levi had been the best thing to ever show up in my dark world. And I was going to make sure our child grew up knowing that. Slowly, I pressed the icy cold handle down. The door swung open, my ears hijacked by the intense beeping of machines. My eyes instantly teared, the salty liquid flowing without any barrier to stop it. Levi was covered snugly under a white bed sheet, his arms resting by his sides. My chest tightened, the muscles contracting in a feverish chill that hurt my ribs. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't swallow, I couldn't blink.
Small tubes ran all around his body, a large cloudy plastic tube filled his throat. The machine by his side was reverberating in a quick air-filled rush, the small yellow plunger raising and lowering with his chest. Skirting closer to him, I placed my hand on his ankle. I was afraid to touch him, afraid to cause any more damage to the man I loved. He gave me a second chance at happiness, he gave me a life to hold onto... And now, he was losing his. His nerveless end was coming to a close. Was it worth it? Was it worth you trading your life for mine? For ours?
Holding the bottom of my belly, I tried to get as close to the other life he gave me. The piece of him that would go on living in the world he was about to leave. “Hi,” I said awkwardly. Looking over my shoulder, I eyed the closed door. How should I begin? How could I even begin to tell him what I was feeling? Pausing, I ran my hand up his leg. He was so still, so... Cold. “Levi, it's Avni. Your mom called me, she told me I should come see you.” Taking a labored breath, I pushed back the tears. If he could hear me, I didn't want him to leave hearing me sobbing
uncontrollably into his ear. I wanted him to hear every word I said, I wanted him to feel every emotion that I couldn't say to him before. Because of fear. Fear of this. How stupid! I'm so stupid! I spent the last year building a wall to protect me from this, but not this way. My world had been turned upside down when my brother died in war, and when Levi strolled into the picture, I pushed him away because of the same reason. He was a soldier. I let the fear overtake me, I let the fear ride my spine like a freight train
when it really didn't protect me from anything. Gripping his lifeless hand, I slipped into the chair by his side. “I'm so sorry, Levi. I'm so stupid for trying to push you away. I can see that now.” Resting my head on his chest, I gazed up at his closed lids. “I'm sorry it took this for me to realize that it didn't matter. It never mattered if you were a soldier, I was afraid of getting hurt.” A fresh tear crested my lashes, falling quietly onto his hand. The tears began to fall rapidly, wetting the motionless man beside me. “I'm so sorry, I should have told you before and I didn't. This wasn't supposed to happen, not like this. Why didn't I realize that pain can't be controlled?
This happened here, not in war, not by the hand of some horrible person thousands of miles away. This happened because of me.” Closing my eyes, I let everything spill from my lips. Everything that I should have said and didn't. If I didn't say it then, right there in that moment, then I would spend the rest of my life wishing I had. “Levi, I didn't want you to leave because I needed to tell you...” Licking my lips, the saline tears moistened my tongue. “I'm pregnant, I'm having your baby. I hope you can hear me, God I hope you can hear me.” Squeezing his hand, I wished for him to squeeze back. My heart was begging
for him to lift his head, smile and tell me he was going to be fine. But he didn't. I searched his face for a twitch, a muscle spasm, anything to let me know he was still in there; listening, hearing, glowing. “Please, don't go like this, I need you. I need you now more than ever. Our baby needs you, you can't go. Not like this. Damn it, Levi, I love you. I LOVE YOU. I'm not ready for this, you can't go.” Standing, I pulled his hand to my stomach, placing his palm on my lower belly. “Feel our baby, feel the life we have together. You need to be here for us, we need you.”
My body began to crumble, all the muscles breaking into a torrent of earthquakes slicing through my soul. Collapsing onto him, I hugged his chest. The machine pushed fresh air into his lungs, then the machine pulled it out. But he remained still. Are you in there? Can you hear me? I was ready to give anything to have his arms wrap me tight, to hear his voice against my eardrum. Be strong, there's nothing you can do. “Avni?” Diane's head popped in the doorway. Jolting off Levi's machine-ran body, I swiped the tears from my cheeks. “I'm sorry, Mrs. Hite. This is my fault, this is all my fault.” I needed to tell her, she
had to know it was because of me her son was here this way. This was my confessional, my sacred heart opening to pour out all its sins to this poor woman. It was my fault he had been hurt, it was my burden he tried to save me from. “Avni—” “No! I should be the one laying here like this. Not him! Not him.” My words softened as my legs gave way, dropping to the floor. Holding my knees against my chest, I cried. The hardest cry that my body ever wept. I was crying for Levi, I was crying for his life, crying for his mom, for the second world I had destroyed.
My tears streamed for my brother, tears I had locked away with every other feeling I had forbidden myself to have. My body shook and rocked, lungs aching to reach for fresh air. Scooping me in her arms, Diane coddled me like a small child. Her tender voice whispered comforting notes that soothed my ears. “Shh, Avni, it's alright. This is not your fault. I know about what was happening to you, Levi told me. This is not your fault.” Cradling my head, she let the soft hum of her tone fill my mind. “This was not your fault, Levi knew the risks. And he would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant you'd be safe.” “He told you?”
Nodding her head, she buried her face into my back. “Levi made his own choices, even if you tried to stop him, it wouldn't have worked. He' strong, Avni. All we can do is pray he knows how strong he is.” Coiling around the woman I had only met minutes before, she felt warm and welcoming. We needed each other in that moment, needed each other to lean on. The two of us latched onto each other like we were mother and daughter. It didn't matter that I didn't know her, she knew what I meant to Levi, and I hoped she could see what he meant to me. I loved him like you need air to live. I loved him like my life wasn't just mine anymore...
It was our life.
Chapter Twenty-Three Avni Two Months Later
The hospital was the quietest I had ever heard it. There were no sounds crossing the long corridors, no nurses floating around on swift feet. There was nothing but silence. No one wanted this, not a single soul wanted today to come. I tried my hardest to push it further away, for more time. It was too soon! I wasn't ready for the task ahead of us.
The elevator doors had opened for me way too fast. I wanted them to seal shut, keep the outside world from clawing in and tainting my world. And I didn't expect the sight that met my eyes as the heavy metal slid open. The long hall was eerily silent, with men dressed in full Army gear lined as far as I could see. They created a man made tunnel, covering each wall, blocking every station. There was nothing but green and tan, and muscle. Their heads were held straight forward, hats tipped slightly forward over their foreheads. I froze, standing in awe. All this? Levi really made an impression in his career. He must have
meant a lot to many people. Crossing the floor, the hard snap of my feet against the shiny tiles echoed in the gaping silence. None of the men moved, only their eyes. They followed me one by one as I made my way to Levi's room. I'm not ready. I'll never be ready. What was worse—Knowing death was at your door, or having it smack you blind when you least saw it coming? The answer was neither. It all hurt the same. Nothing was easy when it came death. Knowing beforehand, or not knowing at all until the moment it happened.
The pain stayed, boring a hole into your heart and stealing a piece of your soul. Squeezing the long green stem of my flower, I stepped into Levi's room. The eerie silence was even more deafening inside those four walls than in the hall. Diane was cowered in the corner chair, hands crumpled beneath wads of tissue. My family had come too, the support from them was incredible. My mom held out her hand, squeezing my arm. I was trying to be strong, but the small bundle growing inside me only made me cringe at the thought of Levi being gone forever. I was carrying someone who would never know the man I did, they would
never grow up with their father, never get to live side by side in an endless love with the man who provided them life. I had spent every waking moment I could at the hospital after Levi's accident. Well, not really an accident. It was a final stance, he hadn't thrown the white flag, he ran in full force. An American flag was hanging proudly over his bed, cards riddled any open space around him. I had already cried so much, I didn't think there were any tears left to spill. But in one blink, they shed from my zombie gaze, and trailed quietly down my cheeks.
The doctors had convinced Levi's mother that she had to make a tough decision. They told her it was unlikely that he'd ever come out of the coma, and that the machines were all that were even keeping him alive. Diane had to decide to let him go, or let him stay. The woman who had breathed life into this man was the one who had to decide to take it away. It wasn't fair. It was a weight that must have felt like carrying a two ton truck. She didn't want him to be living if he really wasn't living. I cried trying to convince her to give him more time, he needed time to heal.
But the doctors told her it had been long enough, and they didn't want to hide anything from her. They didn't want to fill her with a false sense that things would get better. They didn't think he'd survive once the machines were turned off. That day was one I never wanted to relive, and I would never forget. Levi's mother, my mother, sister, father, and myself all crowded around his bed. The corridor outside his room was filled with unknown soldiers there to pay respects to a fallen brother. The sight was one of beauty and sadness. His life had made a mark, his worlds had collided into one giant mass.
And everyone came to send him off onto his next journey. “It's time, Diane. Are you ready?” Dr. Gough lifted his head from the clipboard, ruffling his hair anxiously. Placing a long stemmed blue flower across his chest, I let my eyes weep the words I could never say out loud. Levi, I don't want to say this, I can't say this... But I have to. Goodbye. I love you. And you will forever live in my heart, in our child, in the lives of the many people you saved. You broke into my world, you gave me strength and power. You helped me feel again, Levi.
Without you, without the imprint you made in my life... I wouldn't have the joy of being a mother to our child. Without you... Without you I'm nothing. But I won't give up. I will live everyday like it's my last, I won't take advantage of what I've been given. And I will love our child, endlessly and unconditionally I will love our baby. A piece of my heart will always be yours. And a piece of you will always be mine. I love you.
Closing my eyes, a final tear splashed from my chin onto his chest. The small droplet absorbed into the cloth over his heart. And in a way, I felt like he had grabbed that tear, stole it from the outside world to keep with him forever. “It's time,” the doctor said quietly, placing a strong hand on Diane's shoulder. Her body was shaking, convulsing uncontrollably as she stood beside her son. Kissing his forehead gently, she brushed his hair back, whispering into his ear. The last words she would ever speak to her son, the last words she would ever give to the man; child, boy,
baby she had raised by her own hand. Her tender touch against his hair sent chills over my spine. Looking up at my mother, her eyes had welled with tears. She knew exactly what Levi's mother was feeling, what emotions were teeming inside her core. The anger, the pain, the sadness, it was a giant ball of sorrow that could never be cast away. It would remain there, impenetrable to all other feelings that might try to come to life. My parents were holding each other tight, Livie squished firmly between them. My father stood, eyes wide, face motionless. Then it happened, a single tear fell from his eye, followed by another, then
another. A soundless cry for Levi, for the man who gave him a grandchild. A soundless cry for Kevin, for the son he had lost. And for the one he never had the chance to embrace. Dr. Gough reached his arm out, turning off the ventilator. A quick flip of his wrist silenced the machine, followed by another click. The hard metal around us went dead, a life being snuffed out by the denial of electrical charge. The long hum and an endless flat line flickered across the screen. “Time?” The doctor called out. “Three—” 'Beep.'
'Beep.' 'Beep.'
Chapter Twenty-Four Avni Four months in the coma
“Hi, Dr. Gough, how is he today?” Placing a fresh bouquet of blue flowers into the vase on the small table, I moved them around, rearranging them to look like an exploding firework. “The same as he has been, Avni. No changes, which is good and bad.” My head fell to my shoulder, brow twisting up high. “Good and bad?” “Avni, I know you hold high hopes that Levi will come out of this, but
nothing is guaranteed. And even if he does—” “When he does—I'll be here for him, regardless.” Flaring my nostrils, I hated how the doctors were so dismal in their belief he'd wake up and be his normal self. Miracles can happen, one did already. The machines had been extinguished, his life line yanked from his soundless mouth. Then it happened, the flat line hit a turbulent bump. The screen jumped to life, the thin green line darting up and down. He wasn't gone yet. He was breathing on his own.
“Avni, I know you want to believe everything will be fine. And trust me that's not a bad thing, but you need to prepare yourself for what his life might be like when—or if— he wakes up.” Folding his pen into his hand, Dr. Gough stepped to Levi's side. Lifting his lid, he shined a light into his pupil, then did the same with the other. “Do his eyes look different? Is he responding to the light?” “His pupil's are dilating, which is good. But we still don't know how much damage has been done to his brain. And until he wakes up, we won't know for sure.” Collapsing into the chair beside Levi, I held the bump that had emerged
in what seemed like over night. I was almost six months along, and finally able to really feel the baby kicking. At first the flutters felt strange, it was foreign. And until you feel it for yourself, it's the most unexplainable sensation to have. Grabbing Levi's hand, I pressed it firmly against my growing tummy. “Feel her, Levi? She's been kicking me all damn day. I think she might be a soccer player with how she handles my kidneys.” Giggling, I draped my head against his chest. He was alive and breathing, he was still here. And each day he took stronger breaths, each day his heart beat harder.
I loved to listen to his lungs fill, to the thumping that beat not only in his chest, but in mine too. He didn't leave me, he held on. Levi was stronger than I think anyone had ever realized. It wasn't his time, he wasn't ready. And I thanked whatever force kept him here. Deep down, I knew he wasn't out of danger, the doctors made that clear. But every day it seemed he grew firmer, cementing his life back into the world he wanted. “So, I was thinking of names for our daughter—” Squinting my eyes, a delicate, barely visible twitch hit his hand. “Did you just move?” I sat
watching, waiting to see if I had just imagined him moving his finger. The longer I stared and nothing happened, the more I came to believe it was just my mind playing tricks on me. It wouldn't be the first time. Last week I thought he smiled, but the doctors assured me it was just a rapid pulsation of his muscle. Completely out of his control, it was a glorified muscle spasm. Come on, just open your eyes. Please! Just give us some sign you're still in there! My heart would race every single time I made my way to the hospital, my brain would beg and plead for him to be awake. Anticipation of walking in,
seeing him sitting up and smiling would eat away at my gut. But it never came, he was always positioned exactly the same. Except for the few times I was there during physical therapy to keep his blood flowing properly, or to make sure he didn't get any sores from being stagnant for so long. Closing my eyes, I placed my head in the one spot I could hear him, his strong chest. Even without him moving for so long his muscles still felt like steel, they were strong. He was strong, I was strong. All of this had changed me, changed me from the closed bud of a flower to an open bloom ready to heed the next
sunrise. I went from scolding the world around me to welcoming it in all its forms. The good, the bad, the hatred and the love. That was what life was, that was how I knew I was living. And that was what Levi had been trying to tell me, trying to show me. He opened my eyes to a new dawn, and I wasn't about to let that light get snuffed out. In a few months I'd be bringing another life into this world, and I don't think I ever prayed so much in my life for something. I wanted Levi to be there, I wanted him to see our child as she took in her
first breath, her first cry, her first everything. Another swift, but visible jerk of his arm caught my fingers. That wasn't my imagination. That was real, he moved. My lungs froze as I shifted my eyes from his arm to his face. It still looked like he was sleeping, resting peacefully inside a deep deep dream. A gentle flutter of his eyes behind his lids sent static across my skin, my hair shooting up with prickles. He hasn't done that yet, he hasn't moved his eyes. “Dr. Gough! Dr. Gough!” I yelled, jumping from my chair. My hands scanned his body, feeling for anymore
movement, any twinge of his muscles taking shape in motion. “Avni, is everything alright?” The doctor soared into the room, his jacket flowing behind him like a white cape. “Levi... He moved, his hand, his arm, they moved.” “Avni, it's probably just his muscles and their electrical pul—” “No! Look at his eyes, he hasn't done that before.” My anxiety was in a race with my adrenaline. Veins were engorging with fire, solidifying with ice. My heart was racing and stopping between beats. Dr. Gough hovered over Levi, his deep gray hair falling like feathers across his brows. His eyebrows
furrowed in confusion, jaw turning to the side. Lifting his stethoscope, he spotted it across Levi's body, listening, and watching. It was as if he had forgotten I was there, his gaze fixated on his patient. Moving around me like I was a ghost in the shadows, the doctor drifted around the bed in a mesmerized state of crisp clarity. “Well? What does that mean?” My arms hugged my ribs, legs shaking beneath my waist. Could he wake up? Would he wake up? “It's hard to say, the rapid movement of his eyes could be another muscle spasm. All his vitals look good, and the
electrical impulses in his brain are steady. So for now, we wait. That's all we can do. But he's a fighter alright.” Wrapping his stethoscope around his neck, he wrote in Levi's chart and headed back into the hustle and bustle of the hall. Come on! Come back to me, Levi! Slipping back into the seat that had claimed me for endless nights, I twined my fingers into his. I tried to touch him and talk to him as much as I could. He was in there, locked inside his own head. But I felt him, I could feel him with me everyday. And I wasn't giving up on him, ever. It didn't matter to me what form of Levi would come back, so long as he
did. I would be right by his side, forever. I would be there to care for him, to tend to him if he needed extensive help. If Levi woke up and needed me to feed him, clean him, care for him... There was nothing that could push me away from him anymore. I would be there. Leaning my head on the inside of my arm, I cuddled as close to his body as I could. After having to figure out how best to sit in that hospital recliner for months, I had it down to a science. Snuggling against his arm, my eyes began to feel heavy. Pregnancy took one hell of a toll on my body. I could literally do nothing all day, and still feel
like I ran a damn marathon. I was drained, achy, ankles starting to swell. Ankles... I almost forgot what they looked like. My legs went from calf to foot, there was no more ankle popping out from anywhere. Letting my tired body consume me, I fell to sleep in his arms. Just like I had so many times before, and it still felt perfect. Isn't it strange how time can seem to fly when you're asleep? Or time could remain completely still, frozen in motion. There were days I fell asleep and would be out for hours, then other days I would sleep for mere minutes and wake to think I was out forever.
A soft tickle hit my scalp, my hair sliding across my cheek like a spider web that's hidden and crosses your path. Fingers brushed through my hair, gently making their way down my neck. A shiver broke across my body, my eyes opening slowly in a daze. The hand hit my back, gliding over my spine and crawling back up. Pushing my eyes open, I searched the room behind me. But no outlines took shape, no one was standing over me. But the hands, they continued to caress my neck, a thumb circled over my shoulder. Confusion filled my mind, a mix of daydreaming and reality fogged my vision.
I was being touched, but no one was there. Levi's mom wasn't coming back till later that evening, and my parents planned on coming up in a day or two. What the hell? What is that? Rubbing my eyes, I shook my head and smacked my face. I needed a coffee, decaf of course. I already had my allotted one caffeinated beverage for the day. “You probably shouldn't do that. I bet it hurts.” A dry cracked whisper broke over my shoulder. Tilting my head, I twisted around. And immediately burst into tears. Shock, disbelief, happiness, and fear... It all hit me hard.
I had to be dreaming, this wasn't happening. It had to be my prego brain taking hold and driving me into delusions. Why? Why would my brain torture me with complete happiness? When I wake up it's all going to be sucked away, and I'll be left wishing. Fear, I hated fear. The one emotion I valued and banished to hell in one breath. But I'm not dreaming.
Chapter Twenty-Five Levi Fuck! My ribs burned with fear, my lungs were shriveling as sand ate up the oxygen around me. This wasn't happening, it couldn't be happening. My savior raised his gun waist high, finger resting and twitching by the trigger. Two men, dressed in completely ordinary clothing, stood before us. Their shirts were a little tattered, a little dirty. Their khaki pants still held a firm crease that rode down the center. Nothing in their appearance gave away their true motives, they looked
like any other men I would have seen walking the streets around here. But that nothingness crumbled away to the steel death they both held in their hands. The barrels were fixed on our heads, the small openings grew in size as my eyes peered down the metal fire, freezing my feet in place. We stood paused, the world around us melting away into an empty abyss. Everything else near me faded, the sounds, the pops, the screams of the innocent. A gust of wind circled my ears, blowing soundless notes through my skull. Was this it? Had everything I'd done led up to this very moment?
Flashes of my mother pierced my mind, flickering in a soft white light behind my eyes. The images mixed with the men in front of me. Their emotionless caverns peered back at us, a blackened glare of nothing to lose. These two men had youth in their appearance, and death in their eyes. They were lifeless, soldiers born into a world that lived without reason; that fought without remorse. And we... We were their prey. My savior brandished his weapon, yelling in their foreign language to leave. He screamed at them to go, his harsh words a broken mix of English
and Dari tongue. His stern yells were peppered in fear. But not fear of the men, not fear of his life... Fear for them. He let his mouth spew out caution, and gave those men every chance he could to turn and leave, to run away. But they stood strong, guns raising higher. The soldier beside me met their standoff, inching closer with the his eye on the targets. My fingers curled around the knife, nails digging deep into the leather wrap. I wanted to lift my gun, wanted to back up the man next to me. But without his help, without my arm around his neck, I would've
tumbled to the ground and been worthless by his side. I would've turned into target practice, a huge red dot might as well have been placed on my back. One of the men bore a large scar across his cheek, his neck was dimpled in old explosive wounds. The flesh now healed and lighter than the rest. He was barking at us, screaming with such demand that every word was followed by ravenous spit. He looked like a rabid animal, foaming in a hatred he'd never fully understand. And wouldn't dare to question. He was going to kill us, plain and simple. We were the enemy there, we were there for him to hunt.
A glint from the sun drew my eye to the trigger on his gun, his finger wrapping over the trip that he planned to end our lives with. I didn't know where the energy came from, or how the pain in my thigh suddenly dissipated into a forgotten memory. Was it adrenaline? Fear? Resentment? It could have been anything, or everything all at once. I wasn't dying there like that. I wasn't going to let either of those guys take my last breath. It wasn't theirs to take. It was mine to keep.
Lunging forward, I sliced my knife through the air, aiming at everything and nothing. The silence that had consumed me quickly dissolved as gunfire smashed the surface. The flashes of the rounds pierced the air, the spent casings hit the ground. I was so in tune with everything around my body that I swear I heard the small metal tubes hit the sand with a snapping thud. Looking down, I was hovering over the open-eyed crypt of my fallen enemy. My knife was lodged in his throat, his gaze still the same as when he was standing. A heavy hand fell on my shoulder as my lungs began to finally breathe
again. “Hite, let's move! Go!” His arm shoved me forward, tossing its strength around my back. That was the first time I had killed a man by my own hand. The first time I took a life from feet away. And if I hadn't... The face below me warped into mine, the realization sinking in that it was him or me. It wasn't going to be me. Not a chance in hell. But I was shaking, trembling from the shoulders down. My eyes were wide and stunned, lips drawn back in relief and regret. Even if he was my enemy, he was someone's kin. He had family, he had a
life outside the war. And it was my hand that stole it. “Hite! Look at me man, we need to go!” “I had to, I had to do it.” “Yes, you did, Hite. That's how this shit goes, it was them or us. Would you rather it was us?” “Fuck! Fuck! I just fucking killed him.” Clawing at my jaw, my body was moving forward, but my mind was still there. Still peering down on the lifeless corpse, still living in that endless image. Did he think of his family when it happened? Did he see it coming? Did he regret being there in that moment?
Because I did. I regretted taking his life, regretted having to choose between him or me. “Hite,” Squeezing my shoulders, the young-eyed soldier drew my focus onto him. “You didn't have a choice, we gave them the chance to leave, I told them to run. We can't let that eat away at us, it happened. But if you hadn't done that, they would've killed us. Trust me, I don't feel good about pulling the trigger, but I'm not dying here.” Shaking my body, he twisted his head over his shoulders. “We have to go, now. Move, Soldier!” My eyes caught the thin patch running across his chest. The darkened ink of his name highlighted against tan
fabric. And in an instant my savior became real. He was a man, a man just like me. And we shared the rush of death. *** The sun, it was warm and refreshing. It heated my cheeks, breaking over my forehead and steaming my hair. Opening my eyes, I felt the rays across my skin for the first time in what seemed like forever. The last memory I had was blackness. My body felt sore and weak, even turning my head was a challenge. Rocking my head towards the pressure
against my side, a smile pulled across my jaw. Her black hair was spread over my chest, fanning out like a wave of silk. I had to touch it, had to touch her. I hadn't noticed the tubes, or the heart monitor beeping. Just Avni glowing beside me, tucked into the spot my body carved out for only her. She looked peaceful, I didn't mean to wake her up, I didn't want to disturb the beauty that had evaded my eyes. She was here, right where she belonged. What the hell happened? The hospital? Even my brain hurt when I tried to think, the images and memories were all
meshed together in one massive blur. The screen shots flickered, but nothing was fitting into its place. Except for her, she was exactly where she needed to be, in my arms. Where I planned for her to stay. Forever. “Levi... Really? Levi...” Her hands flew to her mouth, catching tears before they hit her lap. “Oh my God, Levi.” Throwing her arms around my neck, Avni clambered her way onto my chest. She was shaking, fighting to inhale short breaths as she sobbed into my neck. “Good morning, Beautiful.” Closing my arms around her back, I pressed her as close to my body as I could.
A heavy bump formed against my ribs, folding and moving as she firmly pressed herself against me. Avni lifted her eyes to mine, unable to turn away, unable to blink. She stared in awe, dumbfounded and shocked, as her body continued to tremble. “I can't believe you're awake. I can't believe I'm looking into your eyes right now. I need to get the doctor! I need to call your mom!” Pushing off my shoulder, Avni jumped to her feet. She looked different, rounder, thicker. Lowering my eyes over her belly, a round balloon took shape. Wait... Is she... My eyes exploded, reaching their limit. Pregnant?
How long have I been here like this? Avni's face was smooth, no more marks of harsh hands tainted her prefect skin. The bruises were gone, her almond shaped eyes now mirror images of each other. But her frame had changed, she was voluptuous, and curvy in a way she wasn't before. As surprised and shocked as I felt, it also felt familiar and somehow known. Did I know already? No. She never said she was pregnant. Did she? “Avni,” I forced out. My lips felt dry and cracked, throat coated in tiny burls that scratched as I spoke. “What's going
on?” My eyes dropped to her stomach, brows raising high. Cupping the mound on her belly, an eager grin painted her face. “Can you remember anything? The doctors told us if we talked to you that you could still hear us. Do you remember anything at all?” Shaking my head no, I tried to force the pictures in my mind back in order. But everything was a jumbled mess, hundreds of puzzle pieces were sprawled across an open floor. I remembered the night I went to look for Vito. I remembered how enraged I was when I saw what he had done to her. I knew I went to find him, I knew she wanted to tell me something...
Then the voices rolled in, taking my brain by storm. A multitude of sounds, words, imageless sentences that tossed around inside my skull. But none of the words made sense, none of them fit into any order. “What the hell happened, Avni? I can't remember. There's too much going on in my mind to even start putting everything together. Tell me what happened? Tell me what he did to you. Did he do that to you too?” Squeezing my wrist, Avni slid back into the bed with me, coiling her body around my weakened frame. “No, Vito didn't do this. I was hoping you'd wake up and remember.” Twirling her finger against my chest, She pulled my hand
onto her belly. “This is our baby, Levi. This is what I wanted to tell you that night.” A small thump against my palm caused my hand to jerk away. Giggling, she said, “ I placed your hand on my stomach everyday you've been here. I wanted you to feel her, I needed you to to feel her. I hoped that if you did, you'd come back to me.” A headache trampled through my brain, the pounding exploded behind my eyes. “You're pregnant? You're having my baby? When did you find out?” “The night Vito beat me. The doctors told me in the hospital, but I didn't get the chance to tell you.” “Vito, fuck! Vito, I—”
Her hand slipped up my chest, fingers cupping my cheek. “Vito's dead, Levi. He died that day, the same day he shot you, the same day he stabbed you. He's gone, we don't need to worry about him anymore.” What is she talking about? Shot, stabbed... I couldn't wrap my head around it, I didn't remember any of that. None of it. Vito had shot and stabbed me, and yet he was the dead one? How did that make sense? He's dead? How was she sure, how could she know for sure? Did I kill him? I killed again. How much time has gone by?
Letting my head fall into the pillow, my lids sealed tight. “What happened? How long have I been like this?” “It's been four months, Levi. You've been in a coma for four months, but you came back. We practically buried you, they said you were gone. But they were wrong, you came back. You did what you said, you protected me. And you didn't leave, you stayed.” Avni placed delicate kisses across my arm, over my chest, hitting my chin. “I love you, Levi.” My nerves went into overdrive, stomach clenching and rolling with knots. “What?” “I said I love you, you haven't heard it I guess, like they said you would. But I
love you, and I've told you that everyday you've been here.” Scrunching my brows, it was all too much for me to digest. Four months I had been asleep in a hospital bed, four months I had been in a lifeless coma. Four months ago I killed again. And Avni's having my baby. Wrapping a feeble arm around her back, I pulled her up to my face. “You really love me? You love me knowing I killed a man for you?” “I love you for what you did, I love you for keeping your word...” Her slender fingers glided down my chin, thumb rolling under my jaw. “I love you because you gave me my life back, Levi.”
Exhaling a hot breath, my entire body ached. Every inch of me was hurting, every nerve was twinging with pins and needles as if my entire body had fallen asleep and was waking that very moment. “Avni, you need to know something. Something I've been keeping from you, and I don't know how to tell you.” “Just say it, tell me. You have the chance to tell me, so take it.” Her hands ran over my shoulders, stroking the muscles of my chest. “I've been talking to you for months, now it's your turn.” Her tender touch drove the blood down hard, my cock twitching and coming to life instantly. At least that muscle doesn't ache.
To feel her, to see her, she wasn't the same person I left. Everything about her screamed reborn, she was shining and streaming with a confidence she had misplaced long ago. “Avni, Vito isn't the first guy I've killed. I've killed before, in Afghanistan.” “Levi, you were at war, I understand that. And the cops never said you killed Vito anyway, they haven't said much about it at all honestly.” “No, war doesn't make it easier, Avni. I went to find Vito, I went looking for blood. And I know what I found couldn't have been short of a slaughter. But there's more, did you ever get that letter I sent you?”
Her eyes grew three sizes, the deep browns popping with gold and yellows that expelled to the edge. “Yes.” “I found you because it was fate, Avni.” “Levi—” Holding up my hand, I said, “The first time I saw you, there was something familiar about you I couldn't place. Then when I saw you at the cemetery that day, I knew why. The scar on my leg, the man who saved my life, he sent me to you...” Holding her chin, I tipped her face up higher. “Your brother saved me, Avni. Kevin pulled me to safety, he brought me back to life. And I don't think it was coincidence I was there that night for you.”
Her lips went thin, eyes darting around sharply across my face. The surface of her gaze glossed over, welling up with tears. “What? Kev... Kev saved you?” “I didn't realize it till I saw his name on the headstone, but then it all came crashing in. Your brother was a hero, he saved me. And that's why fate brought me to you. If he hadn't saved me, I wouldn't have been there that night to help you. If he hadn't risked his life, I'd be dead.” Brushing her hair behind the shell of her ear, Avni's face softened as the tears broke free. “I always wanted to find him and thank him, I never got that chance. And when I realized you were his sister, there was no way I was ever
going to let anything happen to you. And I won't ever let anything happen to you.” Avni sat in silence, her eyes flooding her cheeks in a river of tears. Scooping her in my arms, I held her tight and firm. “I love you, Avni, I've loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you. And I'll always love you.” Kissing her head, she wept into my chest. “You brought me back to life, you gave me strength to keep living. I can't thank you enough for that. And I'll never leave you again, I promise.” I wasn't sure if Avni would ever realize how much I loved her. She made the sun rise even if it was dark, she made the air worth breathing even it was sour.
She was my heartbeat. And now, she was going to be the mother of my child. Avni had given me life. Speaking into my shoulder, she dug her fingers into my sides. “I can't believe Kevin was the one, I can't believe that of all the places in the world you ended up here.” “I can. Like I said, it was fate. I was put there for you, I was your protection.” Kissing the top of her head, my fingers spun softly through her hair. “You're my soldier.” Plucking her face off my chest, Avni drove her lips onto mine. Her wet kiss quenched my thirst, their soft aloe surface caressing life back into my sandy skin.
My heart raced inside my chest, slamming into my ribs with every beat. She had been here for me, stayed by my side even when my life was in question. Avni had grown in strength, her fear of loss had been swept away. Her tongue slipped into my mouth, licking and tasting as it brushed the ridges. With just one sip of her lips, my cock had turned rock hard. The engorged member ready and eager for release. Pulling her lips back, a delicate slurp broke between our mouths. “I think I'm in shock right now,” she said, whispering with her breath. “My cock's in shock right now, maybe you can play nurse and take care of that.”
Avni danced her fingertips over the proudly attentive cock hidden in white. “I bet you're in real need for a little play time, huh?” Stroking down my length, her hand gripped the base. “It's been way too long since we had any fun.” A deep cough sounded from the doorway, followed by a low awkward voice. “I, uh... I might recommend taking it easy for a little while, Son.” My head snapped up, Avni shoved herself off the bed. A twinge of pain hit my back and chest with her jarring movement. A man was set firm in the door, his white jacket hung open exposing his ridiculously bright green, button-down polo. Flipping open a clipboard, he
stepped inside with a fast lunge of his leg. “I'm guessing you're a doctor.” “You're guessing right, I'm Dr. Gough. Welcome back, Mr. Hite, we've been waiting for you.” His mouth raised instantly, a grin spreading from ear to ear. “Can you tell me what the hell happened?” I wanted to lift my arm, wanted to stretch it far up over my head. My mind was demanding the muscles to raise, ordering my arm to reach up. But I could barely get my hand over my shoulders. “Why am I so weak?” “Levi, you've been out for quite sometime, your muscles haven't been used at all. You have some limited
mobility I'm sure, but I'm not going to sugarcoat this. You have a long road ahead of you, and I can't guarantee the outcome.” Watching my hands, I rolled each finger into my palm. Digging my nails in hard, I tried with everything I had to draw blood. I wanted to see the red drip off my hand, I wanted to feel the pain as it sliced through my skin. But there was nothing, except my labored breaths and small indentations. I didn't even have enough strength to crack the surface. My arms felt as heavy as lead even though they looked thinner than I had ever seen them before. I went to sleep
with the arms of a man, and woke up with the arms of a twelve year old boy. That was not a happy feeling. I felt useless, frail, broken. I was a soldier. Even after my leg was torn apart, I didn't feel this weak. At least then, I was alert, I was able to still use my arms. This, this was different... Every inch of my body had changed, withered away to an eternal sleep that maybe I shouldn't have woken up from. Maybe I wasn't supposed to survive this time around? A soldier who had been saved, sent back to save another. My purpose had been fulfilled, my objective reached. Avni was safe, she
had been protected and given a new life. Maybe I had somehow bypassed my fate. Was it possible that her fate was to meet me, her destiny was to be brought back from the edge of darkness. And I should have slipped away, my soul becoming one with the air around me? But I didn't. I woke up, I kept breathing when everyone around me condemned me to die. They said their goodbyes before they had finished saying hello. Goodbyes? Was that what I was hearing? The endless sea of voices that have no shape, no form, no face.
Are these the voices of my goodbyes? Only I wasn't saying it back, I wasn't ready.
Chapter Twenty-Six Avni Peeking my head into the door, I stood for a second and just watched. Levi was sitting up in the bed, and a nurse stood at his feet. He looked tired and sore. His hands were curled around a small weight, lifting it to his chest. Each raise of the two pound weight seemed to look like it weighed fifty. He was struggling, grunting every time he had to bend his forearm. “Fuck, I can't believe how much this hurts.” “Well, Levi, it's only been a week. Don't get discouraged, it takes time, but
you're already improving.” Nurse Robin tracked his exercise on her clipboard, keeping a clear record of his pulse, heart rate, and oxygen level. Robin lifted her head and nodded me into the room. “Hey, how you feeling?” I asked Levi, running my arm over his shoulder. “Shit hurts, and I look like an eighty year old grandma doing her daily vitalift routine.” Chuckling under his breath, small beads of sweat trickled over his temples. Levi had been pushing himself so hard since he woke up. I knew he didn't like feeling incapable of doing things for himself. He had been the picture of male muscle, a wall of pure concrete.
After so much time left dormant and stale, his body had changed to one he no longer recognized. To me; he looked just as good as day one. His spirit was his strength now, his ability to joke had become his muscle. And I couldn't wait for the day we could go home and he could take me again. I needed him, in so many ways. My body had been in overdrive since seeing his cock firm after he broke his sleep-filled silence. And watching the sweat across his forehead only forced images of us being together into my brain. “Don't let him fool you, Avni. He's already doubled his reps since two days ago. He's a man on a mission.” Robin
giggled as she tapped Levi's shoulder with her clipboard. “Alright, we're done for today, I'll see you tomorrow morning.” “Thanks, Robin. Tomorrow I'll do some laps around the building, how's that sound?” “Funny, Levi, but don't think I won't have you out there when you're able to.” “Are you sore?” Sitting on the thin mattress, the bed creaked as I scooted beside him. “A little, but it feels good. I like the burn, Baby.” Winking, he curled his hand over my thigh. “Where's your mom and Liv? I thought they were coming today?” “They are, they're downstairs in the gift shop. Liv spotted something sparkly
inside so my mom took her in to check it out. They should be up soon, or not. You know how Liv is.” Laughing, his hand drifted up closer to my needy button. “So we have a few minutes then?” His mouth spread open, teeth biting down on his lower lip. “I wish, but here there's no such thing as alone time. Not with all the nurses coming in and out, and random doctors coming to eye the miracle man himself.” Nudging him with my elbow, I laughed. “Miracle man, huh? Is that what they're calling me?” “Yup, that's your new nickname around here.”
The distinct squeal of Liv sounded over my shoulder. Turning to the door, she was holding a small plastic bag, and waving it wildly in the air. “Hey guys, sorry, Liv got a little sidetracked.” My mom stepped in behind her, guiding Liv to the chair against the wall. “Hey Mom, glad you guys made it out alive.” Tossing her a smile, I waved at my sister. “Ha! Yeah, twenty dollars later. Damn hospital inflation.” Shaking her head, she walked over to Levi and gave him a hug. “How you feeling, Hun?” “I feel good, but my body feels like it ate itself.” Holding his arms out, Levi wiggled his thinner than normal limbs.
Waving his hand at my sister, he used it to signal her over. Liv was smiling, her eyes bright and excited as she jiggled the bag at her waist. Levi held his fingers up, and used his hands to do the one thing I never expected him to do. He signed to my sister. His fingers moved awkwardly and square to sign, 'hello,” then spelled out L.I.V. My jaw hung open, brows arched in confusion. “Did you—” “Yes, yes I did.” Again he signed the words he was speaking while smiling at my sister. “When did you learn that?” I was struck with a surge of happiness and tears that mimicked my feelings. The
water streaked my cheeks, lips raising up so high they hit my ears. “Robin knows sign language, so I asked her to teach me some. I wanted to learn so I could talk to your sister, and so you guys can't talk about me without me knowing.” Levi winked at my sister, and signed, 'Now we can talk a little.' Liv let out a high pitched chirp, giggling and rocking in place. Holding the bag out, she handed it to Levi, and told him to look inside. Opening the bag, Levi glanced at my mom. My mother was smiling, holding her head on her chin. “Yeah, I thought Liv had spotted something she wanted, but I was shocked when she told me she
wanted it for you. She never does that, so you must be pretty special, Levi.” Reaching his hand in, he pulled out a small frame. The trim was decorated in small beads and tiny purple metals. The outside rim had an American flag in the upper corner, and the word hero was spelled across the top. “For me?,” he signed to my sister. She lit up, her face grew pink, cheeks bubbling up in joy. Nodding her head yes, she pointed to the word on top, then pointed at Levi. For the first time ever, I saw him choke up. Levi took in a sharp breath, his fingers squeezing tightly around the frame. “Thank you,” he said, hand folding out from under his chin.
And she was right. He was a hero. Levi had become my hero. The father of my child had put my safety above all else. My brother had sent him to me, he had put Levi into my world. Fate had been a word I couldn't believe in before. Now, I couldn't ignore it.
Chapter Twenty-Seven Levi Growling under my breath, I forced the weight up for another rep. The burning was intense, it hurt like hell; but it never felt better. It'd been one month since I woke up. One long, hard month. I've had to work every day with physical therapists, weight trainers, doctors, all poking and prodding at my body like I was some kind of science project. The doctor had told me I was lucky. He'd prepared to write my time of death, expected to be signing off on my death certificate.
And when I kept going, when my lungs kept refilling without help... He said he had hope, very little hope, but hope nonetheless. I had been shot in the ribs, the bullet pierced my lung and exited through my back. That was lucky strike number one. According to what the doctor said, during the fight Vito had pulled out a knife and stabbed me multiple times while we fought. My skull, back, right shoulder, and stomach bore the scars that once held stitches. The shot collapsed my lung, and the coma had been a result of severe swelling in my brain. Dr. Gough said he couldn't explain how I was still alive, but I was. And
each day, I worked my fucking ass off to get my life back. Avni was getting closer to having the baby, her stomach was growing, the baby was kicking so much I could see it now, and all I wanted was to be able to help her when the baby came. The last thing she needed to be doing was caring for a new baby and a burden of a boyfriend who needed her for everything. No damn way, she was going to need me, and so was my daughter. A week after I woke, a Detective West showed up to talk to me about what happened that night. I told him what I could remember, which wasn't much. Remembering to leave out the most vital detail; Kevin's connection to Vito.
It was the only thing Avni wanted to keep out of the public's eye, and away from her family's ears. I hadn't forgotten that, her sacred oath to protect her brother. I held that need high, Kevin deserved his demons to be kept in the dark. But I told the detective what happened to Avni, how I left in a rage to find her attacker 'Vito' and kill him. When he was standing at the edge of my bed; and I was spewing out how angry I was with Vito, how much I wanted him to pay; I waited for the cuffs to trap me in place. I was basically saying that I had gone to find him, I wanted him dead, I was planning on killing him; but I
couldn't remember anything after leaving Avni's house. The detective never did what I thought he would, he never pulled the shiny metal from his hip. He wrote in his yellow notepad, then nodded in agreement, or confusion, or whatever the fuck it was he was nodding to. It was strange though, he never asked me how I knew Vito was the guy. I found it hard to tell what he was even thinking. He didn't really make any facial expressions, or vocal tones that would help me figure out what was running through his brain. I wasn't sure if I was going to trade my white angel's cloak for an orange devil's jumpsuit.
The detective had short peppered hair, youthful eyes, and a Dick Tracy trenchcoat. His hair was brushed back smooth, his legal notepads were decades behind the smartphone of his colleagues. It was funny, he looked like he stepped right off the page of a comic book. After his questions—after he shifted his legs, wiped his pen across his jaw, and scrunched his brows multiple times for no apparent reason—he squeezed my knee and smiled. “Mr. Hite, I want to clarify something here.” Shifting closer on the edge of his chair, he spoke low and clear. “You. Did. Not. Kill. Vito Sanchez.” His back rolled up slowly, one vertebrae at a time. “You beat the
living piss out of him, which was rather impressive considering your state, but he didn't die from the injuries you gave him.” In my head, I was certain that I had killed him. There was no way that all my rage hadn't bubbled over into a split second of temporary insanity. I had fucking lost it. Veering my stare, I shot him a crooked glance. “What? Are you sure? I mean like I said before, from what I remember, I was looking to rip that fucking guy's head off.” “Vito died from injuries he sustained in the accident. His face was beyond unidentifiable, but you didn't kill him, Levi.”
That was it, the rest was mostly formalities. Questions he needed to ask in order to complete his case file and close it. According to his report, I had attacked Vito in self defense. The accident was just that; an accident. And I operated in complete compliance with my rights to protect myself. That was what it said on paper, that was what it said according to the detective's closed case. But I knew, I knew what I felt, and I knew what I set out to do. Vito had taunted me with his evil tether. I exploded, I lost complete control. The report could say whatever it wanted. The only thing that mattered to me was he was gone. The horrible storm
that had clouded our world vanished, there would be no more threats, no more demands. No more of that piece of shit touching my woman. Avni became mine, all of her. She wasn't afraid anymore to love, to let go, to live. Watching the muscle firm beneath my skin, satisfaction coated my body in a swift wave of tingles. I was using my muscles, I was lifting my arms more and more every day with ease. It wasn't easy, I had to learn everything all over again. How to close my fingers with strength, how to coordinate my hand to my lips, how to walk again.
For a second time, I had to learn how to put my feet in motion. But I was determined, I was going to be there for Avni and our daughter. No matter how much I had to work to earn it all over again, it was worth every inch of agony. I planned on holding my daughter the day she was born, I planned on helping Avni in any way I could. And when the time was right, and we were settled... I planned on walking her over the threshold. “Hey, Babe.” The delicate melody hit my ears, her smile shifting up on one side. “I got you something.” Avni danced on her toes over to the chair I was sitting in.
“Oh you did, huh? What, what did you get me?” “Close your eyes.” “Close my eyes?” Shooting her a stiff glance, I held my fingers up to my face. “You're keeping them up? Your fingers— They— Wow, Levi! That's incredible!” “Come on, I can't do this all day. What's your surprise?” Smirking, I let my elbows fall heavily to my shoulders. “They're getting heavier, too heavy, Avni! I can't—” “Stop it, you're such a punk.” Smacking my ribs with a quick snap, Avni giggled. “Okay, open.” Holding up
a small white box, she let it rest inside her palm. “Surprise!” “Yay, a box. Really, Avni, this is too much.” Crushing my fingers into my chest, I squeezed my heart. Her lips pulled thin, head tilting to the side. “You know it's too bad your sense of humor wasn't as weak as your muscles.” The corner of her mouth tugged high, brow following in suit. “That hurt, Princess... That one was cold.” Gripping the thin shirt against my chest, I let my body keel over to the side. “Will you just open it already.” Avni dug her nails into my knees, leaning in close. The scent of her hair drifted up into my nose, cucumber and chamomile hit
my brain, sending a sensory overload to my nerves. Inhaling deeper, I kissed the top of her scalp. “Alright, alright.” Pulling the small yellow ribbon, it loosened around the edges, slipping off into my hand. Eagerly, Avni chewed on her fingernails, eyes open as round as saucers. Her brown eyes had been taking on different colors. I wasn't sure if it was her new outlook on life, or if it was the fact that for months I was denied the pleasure of seeing them. I had taken her beauty for granted, not fully appreciating all the colors of who she was. The brown in her stare now gleamed golden and tan, the deep
mahogany filling in the center clawed out stripes through the bright hues. “Come on, stop staring at me and open it.” “I'm sorry, I can't help it. You're just so damn beautiful.” Popping the top of the box, I let it drop off onto my lap. I sat bewildered for a moment. Tugging on the chain, it was a set of dog tags. The small silver ovals twirled under the florescent lighting. What is it? Is that? It wasn't a typical set of tags. There was no name, no birth date, nothing. But there was an image etched into the shiny metal. A perfectly carved image in the mirror finish.
Flicking my eyes up, I saw a tear drip over her cheek. Wiping away another, she asked, “Can you tell what it is?” “Is that our baby?” Nodding 'yes,' Avni squeezed my hand. “That's the ultrasound image from two months ago, right before you woke up. We can get the rest filled out after she's here; her name, weight, and birthday. And you can add it to the other tag, or however you want it.” “Avni, it's beautiful.” “You didn't get to come to any of those appointments, and I want her to be with you. After you're all better, and if you need to leave us for any reason, you'll always have her with you.”
“I'm not going anywhere, Avni.” “Levi, you know what I mean. Not that you'll leave us, but being a soldier comes with a hefty price. I never want you anywhere without our daughter close at heart.” “Avni, you don't understand. I mean I'm really not going anywhere. I talked to my Sergeant, I have a transfer coming my way.” My lip curled, eyes narrowing down my nose. Shock and disbelief coated her face. Her brows shot up against the hairline, eyes wide and darting between mine. Avni wasn't sure what I meant. “What? A transfer? Where are you going?” Cupping her jaw, I pulled her in. “Nowhere, I'm going to be right here. I'm
going to be recruiting for the Army from now on. I've had two chances at life, and I figured, how lucky can one man be?” My shoulders reached towards my ears, shrugging in realization. “I don't want to take any more chances, I'm pretty sure that this was my last one. And I don't want to waste one second away from you. I love you and I need to be with you. I can't be without you, Avni.” Her tears fell fast, eyes blinking rapidly trying to wipe them away. “Are you serious?” “Yes, I'm serious.” Avni had become my world. She stayed by my side when I was at my darkest. Avni kept believing when others had said there was no hope.
She kept our baby, she wanted to give life to our child. And for that, I could never leave her again. There was no way in hell I was going to play Russian roulette with my life anymore. Twice I had it hanging in the balance, twice I could have fallen into a wakeless sleep. And now, my life belonged to her. Avni was my heart, my breath, and for the rest of my days she would be my world.
Epilogue Levi “I am so happy to finally be home.” Flopping onto the couch, T jumped into my lap, wildly kissing my face. “T! Get down, let Levi relax.” Lifting the dog, Avni set him off to the side. “I want to snuggle up onto your lap.” “Ah, so you're jealous of the little guy?” Scooping an arm around her waist, I rubbed her belly. “You know, he hasn't seen me in months. I've seen you everyday, even when I didn't ask for it.” Chuckling, I pressed my hand tighter against her stomach. I loved feeling our baby inside her, it was amazing.
Knowing that my child, our child, was growing inside her, and would be here so soon was mind blowing. I took every chance I could to feel her small body move, and roll inside Avni's stomach. Strange bulges would lift across the skin, morphing into a tidal wave from rib to rib. It was beauty in the purest form. Avni had never been more beautiful, more sexy, or more gorgeous to me. Her giant belly was incredible, and seeing her bare stomach carrying our baby, it did things to me that I couldn't explain. Sliding my palm across her smooth skin, I hugged her into my chest. Her
engorged breasts squished against my face, smothering me in her soon to be motherhood. “So, we're home, and finally alone.” My fingers slipped up her shirt, teasing the edge of her tit. “We sure are, aren't you lucky to be home cuddling with a whale.” Nestling her chin against my head, she rubbed her hands over my shoulders. “Whale? Hell no! You look incredible, you're fucking glowing. I love this look on you, you're so damn beautiful.” “Yeah, I don't think so. I have a purple road map tattooing my stomach, boobs that will never look the same, and cankles. I have cankles, no ankle, no calf, just a swelling mess of cankle.”
“Stop it, you're carrying a baby. You're carrying our baby, that makes you hotter than the world's most famous supermodel. No one looks as gorgeous as you do right now, no one.” Straddling her legs over my lap, I yanked her down hard. Her fingers dragged through my hair, twirling around thick clumps with need. “You really think that?” “Fuck yeah, I can't believe you don't see how amazing you look.” Tracing the dip in her spine, I squeezed her ass. “You feel that?” “What?” “That?” Jerking my cock muscle, I pushed it into her ass.
“Yup, I feel that alright.” Giggling, Avni ground her hips down. “I'm glad to see you can still be turned on by me.” “Avni, I love you. And you will always turn me on.” Placing soft kisses across her chest, I tickled my hands up her back. Her head fell backwards, eyes rolling into her skull. “God, I've waited for this for too long.” Flipping her head forward, her eyes fixed on mine. “I've missed you, Levi.” Her hands slipped over my neck, squeezing my nape. “Love, I've done nothing but miss you for months. And now we're here, we're alone, and I'm aching to touch you all over.”
“Alone... Hold that thought.” Avni jumped from my lap. Well, to be more honest, she shifted her swelling belly awkwardly as she hoisted herself backward off my lap. Picking up T, she walked to the bedroom and dropped him inside. The door made a quiet, promising click, as she closed it tight. “Now we're alone.” The feral need to claim my woman again took hold, grinding into my muscles and turning me rigid. “Thank God for that. It's bad enough there's a tiny person listening from inside your stomach.” “Don't say that. You want this to happen right? If I even so much as think about the baby inside me, it won't. She's
already kicked me a couple times, and that's reminder enough that she's there.” Holding her hand against her side, Avni pursed her lips. “I'm already uncomfortable and huge. Let's not make this awkward, and get me thinking this might be something she'll remember when she's thirty.” Laughing, I pulled her down onto the couch. Peeling her shirt over head, I stared at the most exotic woman who ever graced my eyes. Avni really was fucking gorgeous. Her stomach bulged out, the hardened balloon housing my baby was proudly on display. Running my fingers across her belly, I kissed her gently. “Baby, the only ones remembering this is
us.” Each kiss softly hit her skin, small goosebumps jetted out and broke the surface. “I love you, Levi.” Avni's back arched off the couch, her thighs pressing together firmly. “It's been so long since I've felt you, since I've had you inside me.” Biting her lip, a sultry look flooded her warm face. “Is that what you want? Me inside you?” Her head nodded a soundless yes, eyes veering down the bridge of her nose. “Is your pussy aching to feel me slide deep inside?” “Yes, I need you, Levi.” Her hands gripped her outer thighs, nails dragging up forcefully as her legs split open.
My hands climbed her ribs, reaching her tits. The tumidity of each breast crested the trim of her bra, screaming for me bite and nibble the tender flesh. Popping the rivet in the front, her tits spilled out as she inhaled a quick breath. Each nipple had grown, deepening to a dark tan. Twirling my tongue over the hardened beads, Avni moaned loudly. Her body was shaking already, trembling under my touch, my caress, my sensual kisses. Tugging on her tits with my teeth, I rolled each nipple between the ridges. Her moan grew louder, more intense. And my cock jolted to life, twitching against my briefs to be set free.
“I've needed you for so long, Avni. I can't tell you enough times how much I love you.” My hips gyrated into the warming center of her thighs. Her pussy pushing back and melting beneath the fabric. Grabbing my hair, Avni yanked my lips onto hers. Her tongue danced inside my mouth, wrapping wildly around mine. Her moans turned into hard purrs, each one smoldering my brain with carnal need. Her chest rose faster and faster, fingers eagerly trying to tear my pants open. Sliding the button free, her hand drove inside, squeezing around my cock. Clinching my jaw, a deep grunt fell from my lips. The feel of her fingers
wrapping tightly around my shaft made my entire body quiver. I was a fuse, a live wire ready to explode. Tearing my jeans down, her eyes widened. An inviting smile dangled on the corners of her lips. Slipping my fingers into the edge of her pants, I couldn't stop the raw desire from taking hold. I ripped her legs free, throwing her leggings to the side like unwanted trash. Her glistening pussy awaited my eyes. The hair had grown in some, spreading over her lips and up in a triangle across her extreme lower belly. “Sorry, I can't really see it anymore for cleanup.”
“It's beautiful.” An animalistic growl highlighted my voice. “You are so fucking gorgeous, you're my woman. My perfect, incredible woman.” Pushing her thighs open, I licked her trembling flesh. I could feel her body shivering beneath my tongue, each lick was met with a jolt of her hips. Twining my fingers into hers, I lifted her from the couch and bent her over the side. Cupping her belly as I climbed up behind her, I whispered into her ear. “This is us, this will be always be us. No matter where life takes us, no matter what gets thrown our way, this will always keep us connected.” Teasing my swollen tip around the entrance to her wet heat, I could feel the
warmth of her pussy against my cock. She was soaked and hungry, pushing her ass backwards trying to force me inside. Holding her ass cheeks, I glided my finger around her asshole. Avni was on fire, her entire body was rocking and swaying as I twirled my finger around the tight hole. The moan she let free was intoxicating, eating away my ears with each breath she forced out. “Fuck me, Levi. I need you to fuck me.” Twisting her neck over her shoulder, Avni peered at me under a canopy of lashes. My pleasure. God I've waited way too long for this. Stretching my fingers under her neck, I pushed the head of my cock inside. Her
body was ready to absorb me, eating up my length as I pressed in further. Her pussy was juicy, drenching me in her thick wetness. “Avni, fuck.” The words tumbled off my tongue, mixing in with a rumble from my lungs. The deep growl broke free as she sheathed my entire hard member, her walls tightening and milking me with each push. Harder and faster I penetrated her angelic form. Her head fell towards the arm of the couch, resting on her hands. “Mmm, ah, Levi.” Avni's fingers gripped the fabric, nails digging into the foam beneath. “Ah, Le—Mmm, Le—,” she moaned louder, her hand jerking back and grabbing her stomach.
Her wet pussy kept seeping, flowing in juice as it poured from inside. Fucking her harder, I thrust in as far as I could, till my furry base was buried in her ass. “Levi, ah! Stop, stop!” Coming to a halt, I pulled out instantly. “What? Are you okay?” Looking down, her pussy was drenched, the couch below was drenched, and Avni was holding her belly. “I... I don't know. I have a cramp.” Turning to her side, she curled up into a ball. “It really hurts, fuck it hurts.” “Is it the baby? Should I call the ambulance?” My head began to rock with worry and fear. Fear for Avni, fear for the baby.
She wasn't due for another week, it was too soon for the baby to come. Right? “I don't know,” she said, unrolling her body. “It stopped.” Rubbing her lower belly, she pushed herself up. “Why is the couch so wet?” “That's just you, Princess. All your sweet, sweet juice.” Winking, I rubbed her back. Avni looked bewildered, eyes opened as wide as they could go. “Levi, I think my water broke. Maybe I'm going to into labor.” Standing, Avni paced around the living room. “Did my water just break?” “Shit, did I hurt you? Did I just hurt the baby?” Jumping from the couch, I threw my pants back on. “Get dressed,
I'm taking you to the hospital. What if I just hurt the baby?” My nerves were suddenly shooting off in every direction. I couldn't think straight, couldn't move normal, couldn't walk gracefully. I had turned into a fucking mess. Maybe we shouldn't be having sex, maybe it's too close and I just put the baby in danger? “Levi, I'm okay. It stopped, I'm not uncomfortable anymore. You didn't hurt the baby. I'm sure she—” Avni's voice went from normal to a deep, painful groan. Her hands gripped her stomach as she leaned into the wall for support. “Lift your leg,” I spat, aiding her by grabbing her foot and jamming it into her
pants. “We're going to the hospital.” Nodding, Avni took in heavy breaths. Her lips were thin and tight against her face, her brows knitted in concern. I wasn't taking any chances, and I wasn't going to let her talk me out of it. We were going to the hospital. End of story. Helping her into the car, I jumped into the front seat. Slamming the key into the ignition, I barely waited for the car to start before letting my foot fall like lead onto the pedal. The hospital wasn't far, a ten minute drive from the apartment at best. Outside I was trying to stay calm, and relaxed. But inside, I was a torrent of knots and boulders crashing inside my
gut. “Are you alright? How are you feeling?” “Just drive, I'm alright. I promise, I'm okay.” Avni's breathing had grown shallow, her body tensed and tightened with each cramp that squeezed her insides. “We're not far, do you want to call your mom?” Shaking her head yes, Avni fumbled around with her phone. “Mom, Levi's taking me to the hospital. I have really bad cramps, I might be in labor.” Her mouth turned razor thin as she nodded softly to her mother on the speaker. Stuffing the phone back into her purse, another wave of torment hit her.
Punching the door, Avni yelled. “Fuck!” A deep painful grunt exploded from her lungs as her eyes closed tight. “We're almost there. What did your mom say?” “She's laughing at me. Says the baby decided to come a little early.” The baby is coming? The baby is coming... Oh my God... The baby is coming! The tires squealed as I turned into Grace Memorial Hospital. Throwing the car into park at the main entrance, I ran to her door and threw it open. Holding Avni's elbow, I tried to walk with her slowly into the double doors. But I really wanted to lift her over my head and run her inside.
As the glass slid open to let us in, I lost it. “Help! Someone help! She's having a baby, we need someone over here now!” “Sir, calm down.” A woman with short curly hair rushed up to us. “Are you having contractions, Miss?” Avni's lips had formed a tight circle as she nodded yes. “I... I think so.” “Follow me.” The woman grabbed a wheelchair and helped Avni into it. “Sir, how long has she been having contractions?” “I, I don't know. A half-hour, maybe less. Is she going to be okay?” “Yes, she'll be fine. But by the look of you, you won't be. Are you normally green?” Giggling, she held her card to
the sensor, and took us into the delivery ward. We had been there a few times before. While I was still recovering in the hospital, they let me head down there for a few lamas classes with Avni. But to be honest, in that moment, everything they had told me flew right out the window. I couldn't think of one damn thing that they had said us. Nothing. And I wished I could, maybe I could help her if I could remember one stupid thing they taught us. The only thing standing out was the very interesting, mind altering video of a live birth. Those images will stay with me forever.
I don't even think half the shit I saw in Afghanistan compared to the sight of what I saw in that video. Avni keeled over in the wheelchair as another contraction came in harder and stronger. That one was the worst yet. But with what was about to come, it was nothing. Ten hours, ten long hours of watching my love curl, curse, and yell. Avni had dilated quicker than they expected. The nurse said it was because our little girl was ready to meet us. Our little girl. Wow, I'm about to be a dad. Breathing through my nose, I tried to stop my heart from racing. My entire body was shaking, tingling, burning,
from an eager and exciting fear I couldn't understand. We were about to bring a new life into the world. A new life into our world. A little piece of heaven was about to be laid into our arms. And the excitement was one I could never fully explain. “Alright, Avni. I know it hurts, but you need to breathe through it.” The look of the devil coated Avni's face, her lip turning up in anger. “Breathe through it?” Her voice was hoarse and rugged. “How about you fucking breathe through it!” I waited to see if her head was going to start spinning. Avni had asked for an epidural, they had given it to her. But it
wasn't working, she said she could still feel everything. The doctor checked the baby and realized she was in a position they called, 'Sunny side up.' Our little girl was facing up instead of down. So the back of her head was putting pressure on Avni's spine. The epidural was a waste of time, her legs were numb but the intense pain hitting her spinal cord was not. Avni's hands twisted against the bed rails, the small bolts doing everything they could to keep the arms in place. I felt useless, a waste of space inside that room. There was nothing I could do for her, nothing I could do to take the pain from
her. This was a task only Avni could complete. And for that I felt horrible. I never wanted to cause her one ounce of pain in her lifetime. But this, this tied my hands. I couldn't stop it, and it killed me inside. “Avni, you need to give me one final push! Come on, one more!” The doctor yelled, bending over at the end of the bed. Plastic goggles fitted his face, hair hidden under a baby blue cap. With one final gasp, Avni screamed louder as she bared down on her hips. Her shoulders gave way, and she fell back into the pillow with labored breaths. The room fell silent for what seemed like eternity. In the deafening silence, I
could hear everyone's heartbeat. Or maybe it was just mine, beating the inside of my head. A high-pitched scream broke the thick air. “Congratulations, you have a healthy baby girl.” Holding up our newborn, Avni burst into tears as the doctor laid the baby onto her chest. My eyes welled up, the small cry of our child breaking through my fuzzy mind. Looking down, Avni was coddling our perfect baby. And she was beautiful. Her large eyes blinked rapidly, head floating around the room as she cried the deepest, newest cry of life. Pressing my finger into her hand, tears clouded my eyes. “Phoenix, you
are even more beautiful than I could ever have imagined.” The creation from our love, the new life that had risen from the ashes of our former world; she was finally here, our little Phoenix. My heart hurt, my body ached. Not from pain, not from sadness... It was from a love that was so insanely strong, it caused me to hurt all over. Lowering down to Avni, I kissed her forehead and whispered into her ear. “You are the strongest person I know. This child is lucky to have you for her mom, and I will make everyday of the rest of your life, just as amazing as the day before. Thank you for this.”
Brushing her hair back over her ear, I held her in my arms. “I love you.” Tear filled eyes peered up at me, her face delicately snuggled into the new life we had just brought into the world. “I love you too, Levi.” Her mother had told me once before, she had whispered it so kindly, and seriously into my ear. “Avni loves you, Levi. But she doesn't realize it yet. Trust me, I know my daughter.” She became my everything. My love, my air, my life. The mother of my child, the woman who held my heart in her hands. She made me a better person, she brought me back from death.
And I could never thank her enough for that. Without her, I'd be nothing. With her... I'm alive.
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Dedication To my sister: Though I can no longer hug you, I still feel you. Though I can no longer see you, I still hear you. Though our worlds have been separated, you are always with me. Never forgotten and always remembered. I love you.
To my husband: Thank you. You gave me life, you gave me love. You lifted me up when I was falling, and
held me close when I thought all was lost. And when I needed you the most, your hand reached out and pulled me back home. I love you.
About Leah Holt Growing up in a small town with little to offer, Leah Holt's imagination was able to run wild. She loves to write romance with intense alpha guys, the ones we all desire but dare not admit to. Who doesn't love a bad boy riddled with muscles and tattoos? Having limited opportunities in life, writing has become an outlet for her to let out all of the dirty, forbidden thoughts inside of her head. If you want to chat with her, you can email
[email protected] , or click the mailing list link below to receive information on her new releases!
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Also from Leah Holt: CHAINED: A Bad Boy Romance SLAM: A Bad Boy Romance Come Home Bad Boy His Price: A Billionaire Romance