Part Of The List - Xavier Neal

Part of the List
By Xavier Neal
Part of the List
By Xavier Neal
©Xavier Neal 2017
Cover by Dana Leah with Designs by Dana
All Rights Reserved
License Note
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or
distributed in any printed or electronic form without
authorization of the Author. Any distribution without
express consent is illegal and punishable in court of law.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places,
and incidents are either the product of the author’s
imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to
actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely
coincidental.
Dedication: To The Universe...Thank
you for every memory that would fill my list.
Kennedy
I remember the exact moment I fell in love
with Bailey. He was barely fifteen and I was
nothing more than the sappy thirteen year old
obsessed with the older, bright eyed, dark brown
haired boy with an accent that would make any
country lover proud. It was right before church,
and Bailey was in the same place he always was,
the nursery. He loved to be around kids, but babies
were his favorite. There was something about
holding the very beginning of life, a clean slate, an
unbiased soul that was exhilarating to him.
Sometimes people forget that hatred isn't born. It's
bred. It's instilled and re-instilled through words
as well as actions. Unfortunately for us that simple
truth has haunted us like an unsettled spirit seeking
revenge on a world it was afraid had forgotten it.
I lean against the door frame as he
cradles the infant to his broad, white t-shirt
covered chest. He rocks her and hums his favorite
hymn. I do my best to hide my giggles. Only
Bailey can get away with singing Noelle in the
middle of August.
Slowly, he turns his body to face mine.
With a wide grin he locks eyes with me and
states, “Someday, you're gonna be holdin’ ours.”
A smile hits my lips. I love the slight
twang he’s trying to hide.
“She's gonna be beautiful just like you.”
Thick glasses. Brown hair instead of the
favored blonde. Brown skin by nature, not golden
sun kissed like everyone else I know. A little too
full up top. Thighs that most girls would cry over
because they touch. I wear t-shirts at the pool to
hide those flaws. I mean, my teeth are straight
and I have less zits than most girls my age, but
my face is fatter. I don’t wear makeup. I’ve never
even had my eyebrows plucked. No part of me is
worthy of being called beautiful. Not even a
little.
“And she's gonna have your dimple, too.”
I want to argue that the hole in my cheek
created when I smile isn’t an enhancement, it’s an
embarrassment, but Bailey doesn’t wait for my
response. He simply winks and returns to singing.
All of a sudden Mrs. Kathy places the
infant she had been holding in one of the cribs
and scolds “Don't go making promises in the
Lord's house you don't plan to keep, Bailey
Cooper.”
“Oh, I plan to keep it, Mrs. Kathy...” He
glances up to give me another smirk. “See, I love
Kenny. Always have. Always will.”
As I stare at the side of his still face now, I
can't help the need to focus on the good times. The
times when things went right in our lives. The
times when his love for me was so blatantly
obvious, it spilled from our souls with enough
intensity to do more than just ignore the hatred. We
could eradicate it. Maybe not in the entire world,
but in the one we shared. In the one we built. In the
one where our daughter would learn to walk and
talk.
“Miss Neddyity,” the preschooler coos,
pulling on the edge of my t-shirt. When I look
down, he grins bigger than I've ever seen. “Mr.
Baitey said you're gonna marwy him some day.
That why you got a candy ming?”
I glance up and meet eyes with Bailey
who's on the other side of the elementary school
gym door with his own church summer camp
group. He's leaned against it, letting the campers
take turns to us the bathrooms, but his attention
is on me. It's always on me. Whenever we are in
the same room, we're like two magnets that can't
stop drifting together in some way. It's been this
way since we met last summer at my best friend's
older brother, Thomas’ birthday party. I was
allowed to sleep over to balance out the house
full of boys who had an all-night video game
marathon planned. Emma’s parents thought she’d
be less upset about the teenage boy invasion if
she had someone to help keep her distracted. We
met when I went to grab us a soda. It was late,
way too late for Emma and me to be chugging
back root beer, but she figured her parents would
let it slide since the last thing they wanted was
for her to have a meltdown during her brother’s
party. She sent me on drink duty because her
nails were drying and the Teen People magazine
quiz was being taken mentally. She couldn’t
handle the idea of starting over. He was getting
ready to close the fridge when he saw me waiting
over his shoulder. His eyes seemed to sparkle and
so did his smile. He reminded me of the lost
member of my favorite boy band. He also kind of
looked like he could be Thomas’ fraternal twin.
They had similar face shapes and hair color. It
took him what felt like forever to say hi, but when
he did, I swear the world actually stopped. He
was polite and sweet, grabbed the drinks for me,
but before he could say anything else he was
summoned back for his turn. The next morning in
the car though, on our way to the afternoon
church service, we became inseparable. He made
any excuse to be close to me. To talk to me. To
impress me. None of which was too hard. Our
unexpected friendship drives Thomas and Emma
crazy, mainly because it forces their lives to
constantly overlap.
“Miss Neddyity,” the preschooler says,
reaching for my left hand where the dark blue
ring pop is waiting to be eaten. “Can I have your
candy ming?”
I shake my head. “No. This is my special
treat from Mr. Bailey…”
His tiny face scrunches before he whines
again, this time pulling on my shirt. “Miss
Neddyity, pick me up, pwease.”
I swoop the little blonde haired boy into
my arms and steal another glimpse of Bailey. His
smile grows bright and he looks away as if he
knows his message has been received.
“Kennedy,” my team member whispers to
me at the same time she crosses into my view.
“Did he just say Bailey is gonna marry you?”
A little giggle escapes. “He's always
saying that....”
“But like marry you the same way I’m
gonna marry Brad Pitt some day?”
Unsure of how to reply, I don’t.
“Wait! Are you guys like...are you like
going out?” Her jaw hits the ground. “Oh my
Gosh are you like boyfriend and girlfriend?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Did he break up with you?”
“No.”
“So you’re like still together then?”
“We've never been together like that.”
A confused look crosses her face.
“We're just friends.”
And we were. And technically that's all we
had ever been. Of course part of me always
wanted more. So much more. Why wouldn't I? Not
only was he tall, slender with sharp muscle
definition in motion, and a smile that was
impossible to resist, he always treated me like I
was the light of his life. The only one completely
irreplaceable. Completely irresistible.
“Dibs,” Bailey announces, flopping down
on the couch beside me. He drapes his arm
around me, tugs me against him, and says, “I'm
cuddling with my girl.”
I peer up at him and he winks. Is it weird
I’ve never seen him wink at another girl? I
mean….he’s gotta have winked at another girl in
his life.
“Your girl?” Emma questions from the
other side of me. “Since when is Kennedy your
girl?”
“Since always.”
She scoffs. “Whatever. No she hasn’t.”
“You know Kenny's my girl,” he argues
with a smirk. “Always has been. Always will be.”
“Might wanna tell the rest of the world
that. Ya know, help keep the slut patrol from
circling you like vultures.”
The metaphor would be clever if she
wasn’t a huge bird enthusiast. She just finished
her report on them for science class like a week
ago. It’s weird…Every class, every report she can
center around her ‘winged friends’ as she calls
them, she does. At first I thought she liked birds
because her last name is McCaw but apparently
it’s much deeper than that.
Bailey laughs but Thomas grunts from his
spot on the floor in front of us. “Don’t say the
word slut.”
“Or maybe you could just ask her out,”
Emma pushes. “Like a normal guy.”
Sounds more likely to happen in a dream
than ever in reality.
He starts to answer when our shared
group of friends files into the room. Some of us
know each other from school, others from church,
and a few from Thomas and Bailey's baseball
team. It's a mix of ages, but they annoy Thomas
and Emma in equal capacities. The major
drawback from hanging out with your sibling all
the time is the simple idea that your friends are
probably going to hook up at some point. While
the two of them avoid dating each other’s friends,
it hasn’t stopped their friends from dating
amongst themselves.
To no surprise, Addie, our host and the
one girl who wants both Thomas and Bailey
equally, lets her blue eyes immediately zoom in
on the two of us. She looks like the Britney to his
Justin. Everyone who has ever met Addie is
instantly jealous. Perfect body. Perfect make up.
Her own credit card. What’s not to love?
I force myself to look away and happen to
notice a deep colored bruise on Bailey’s arm. My
finger lightly touches it. “Is that from Baseball?”
He uncomfortably shifts beside me but
shrugs it off. “Must be.”
Thomas turns to join the conversation. “I
don’t remember you getting hurt this week.”
Bailey shrugs again. “Then maybe it was
from tackle football in the park.”
Thomas tilts his head. “We didn’t play this
week.”
With all our eyes on him, the expression
on his face grows concerned. He gives the back of
his hand a small scratch and sighs, “Guess I
forgot how I got it. Could’ve been from bumping
into something.”
“You are clumsy,” Emma says before
denying Carter the spot on the couch beside her
with a firm shake of the head.
Carter, Addie’s latest ex-boyfriend has
been after Emma since the minute she broke up
with him. My best friend hasn’t even considered
dating him. She treats him like he’s got a highly
contagious disease. It’s strange that the more she
pushes him away, the more he wants her.
My attention drifts back to our host who
should be putting in the movie, but is standing
around, pouting with a hand on her hip. Great.
This is the part of the day where she comes up
with a way to divide us.
Bailey’s fingers give my arm a gentle
stroke, and goosebumps cover my skin. He grins
at the action, eyes becoming a lighter color with
each passing second. They always do that when
he’s this close to me. When he’s touching me.
Addie interrupts the moment with a loud
sigh. “Bailey, wanna help me make the
popcorn?”
He attempts to pawn the chore off,
“Thomas you wanna go instead?”
Under his breath he mutters, “Not a
chance in hell.”
Her bottom lip sticks out in an over
dramatic way. “Please…”
He hesitates, but eventually nods his
submission. Afterwards, he looks down at me, and
whispers, “Do. Not. Let. Anyone take my spot.”
When I smile, he reiterates, “I mean it Kenny. No
one else sits next to my girl. Got it?”
I helplessly giggle. “Got it.”
“Emma you’re on back up duty.”
She rolls her eyes.
His words fall to Thomas. “Run
interference if anyone even looks at sitting next
to my girl.”
Thomas whose busy admiring Addie’s
newest addition to the group mumbles, “Uh-
huh…”
Bailey gives him a gentle hit upside the
head.
“Ou!”
“I mean it Thomas.”
“Why don’t you just marry her? Won’t that
scare everyone off?”
He gives me another wink at the same
time he stands up. “Someday…”
I try not to let the smile on my face get
any bigger. His fairy tale promise burns my
cheeks in excitement as much as embarrassment
over his continuously professed love.
The moment he's within Addie's grip, she
wraps her arms around his, tugs him close and
tosses her newly highlighted dirty blonde hair
back in laughter like they're flirting. Bailey
offers her a smile in return, but nothing like the
one he gave me just minutes ago. Nothing like
any of the one’s he’s ever given me.
“She is so jealous,” Emma whispers, a
little too loudly. “It's like, get your own
boyfriend. Just 'cause it's your house, doesn't
make him your boyfriend.”
“Okay, but he's technically not my
boyfriend either.”
Emma rolls her eyes. “Whatever...”
At that moment Thomas glances over his
shoulder at me. “I’m totally with my sister on
this one.”
People never believed we were only
friends. Even back then I couldn't blame them for
assuming we were more. Most of the time, he
treated me better than he did the girls he actually
dated. Make no mistake. Bailey dated a lot of
girls. And frequently. He cycled through girlfriends
like they were Netflix binges. Like they were
seasons he could just finish in one sitting. They
never lasted long and I was always grateful. He
never claimed to love them. Not one. He would be
dating one girl yet promise me night after night on
the phone our friendship would remain the same.
But how could it? How can a friendship that's
already on the edge of being something more, just
stay there when you're dating other people? How
can you think of a future together when you won't
even commit to something today? How could he
promise me I would be his forever when I wasn't
even his right now?
“Have you guys seen Bailey? I ask Addie,
Emma, and Thomas on our way out to Addie's
pool. “I thought he was right behind us.”
Thomas tosses his head back towards the
front door. “Think he was letting in some more
people.”
“Can't be away from him this long?”
Addie mocks at the same time she opens the
French doors to their patio.
“He actually has my towel,” I meekly
defend myself.
“Because why wouldn’t he? He does
everything for you,” she sneers. “Like
everything. You’re probably the reason he won’t
just kiss me already.”
Emma interjects, “I think it’s because
you’re kinda a bitch.”
“Excuse me?!” She squeaks. “You do
know all it takes is one word and I can make it so
you stop coming to my house.”
“And all it takes is one story about what
happened between you and Mr. Daniels to make
your parents rethink where you go to school,”
Thomas states.
Her mouth drops.
“No one threatens my baby sister.” The
look on his face stiffens. “Not even you.”
Emma bounces victoriously through the
opened door straight for the overcrowded pool of
people.
Rather than following them out, I spin on
my heels and make my way through her house
back towards the front door. Just as I round the
corner, Bailey's mouth descends on a dainty
blonde in a bikini. Both hands drop to her hips
while hers graze his bare arms, skating across
the discolored flesh of his latest sports bruises. A
small knot swells in the back of my throat, yet I
continue to gawk like looking away would hurt
more.
That was the first time I had ever seen him
with someone else. I had known he had girlfriends.
I had heard briefly about the dates. Very briefly. He
had always mentioned them in passing the same
you would a chore. ‘Oh yeah I cleaned my room.
Took out the trash. Caught a movie with my
girlfriend. Brushed my teeth and went to bed.’
That’s how unimportant he thought his dates were.
Even his phone calls, I had accidentally overheard
were equally futile. They never lasted more than
enough time to tell them he was busy with someone
else. At that point, that moment when I saw him
kiss her, we had been friends or friends in limbo
for almost two years. Later, I would get a glimpse
of the texts and instant messages. They were done
the same way as the calls. Brief as though they
were bothersome. As far as how it interfered with
our friendship, it hardly did. To be honest because
of the indifference he constantly showed them, the
fact he had a girlfriend barely registered at all. But
that first time, that first time of actually seeing his
lips on someone else's, his touch that I was so
convinced in a twisted weird way was only mine,
broke something inside of me. Something I didn't
think would ever be fixed. Could ever be fixed.
That was the first time I ever questioned our
friendship. Questioned the words that constantly
came out of his mouth. That was the first step on a
long confusing journey I didn't ask to take. Looking
at him now, I realize when it comes to true love,
you aren't exactly asked. You're just kinda pushed
or pulled. Yanked or thrown. Love like the one we
have isn’t polite or perfect. It’s audacious.
Intrusive. Arduous.
“Hey,” Bailey calls to me as I reach for a
grocery sack in the trunk of my mother's car.
I pause but don't turn around. We've
barely seen each other over the past couple of
months. After witnessing his make out session
firsthand and then a non-stop afternoon of it, I
decided it would be better not to be around him.
Only thing worse than having your dream guy
hook up with someone else is watching him do it
right in front of you, shamelessly. I swear that
afternoon is stuck on some sort of instant
nightmare rewind and replay feature in my brain.
It crosses my mind at least once a day unless of
course I am having a terrible day in which it then
plays up to four times. Thankfully, Emma has had
no problem spending our days over here and
removing ourselves from the kingdom of terror
known as Addie.
His face leans around my body so our
eyes can connect. They look slightly sad. Almost
like a puppy in desperate need of a home. The
blue color that’s usually so bright when I’m
around seems to be covered by an unpleasant
gray tint. “Hey?”
“Hi,” I whisper, clutching the brown sack
closer. His mouth moves, preparing to say
something, but I interrupt. “I need to get these
inside.”
To my surprise, he lets me disappear into
my house where my mother has parked herself at
the kitchen table on the phone. From what I can
overhear, my aunt has had another break-up, and
needs to be talked down off the ledge of cathood.
I drop the bag on the counter and she
mouths her thanks for taking over the chore.
As soon as I'm back in Bailey's sights, his
smirk tries to expand, the slight discoloration on
his jaw more noticeable with the sun hitting it.
“Hey...”
Slightly annoyed he's still waiting around,
I huff, “We already said hey.”
“Technically you said hi.”
I don't bother smiling.
“Wow,” he says and gives the back of his
neck a scratch in discomfort. “You used to love
playful stuff like that.”
“Yeah. Well. I used to love a lot of
things.”
My confession startles him.
To say that I am completely over him or
whatever it was I thought I felt for him would be
an obvious lie. I hate lying. I hate being a part of
lies. Plus, my parents take the importance of
honestly to the extreme, which makes it even more
difficult for me to lie.
Rather than continue that conversation, I
motion my hand. “Can you move, please? I need
to finish taking those into the house.”
Bailey takes a step back, grabs almost all
of the remaining bags in his arms in one swift
motion, and asks, “Can we talk after we drop
these off?”
I grab the last two. “If you can make it
fast. I've got...” The urge to lie and tell him I’ve
got plans is on the tip of my tongue. I don't. But
sitting in my room flipping channels or watching
movies is definitely a better idea than listening to
his hot and heavy summer with his real-life
Barbie doll. “…things to do.” Not a complete lie.
My parents bought some new movies on their
latest Best Buy date and most likely I wanna
watch at least one.
The two of us walk into my house and
immediately unload the groceries beside the
others.
My mother covers the receiver. “Hey,
Bailey! Good to see you!”
“You too, Mrs. Russell.”
“You haven’t been by in a while. Wanna
stay for dinner? We’re having stuffed baked
potatoes. You’re more than welcomed to join us.”
“I-”
“He can’t,” I quickly interrupt. “He was
just leaving.”
Bailey swallows his prepared reply and
replaces it with, “I have plans tonight with
Thomas, but maybe next time.”
“Sure,” she waves a friendly hand at him,
“you know you’re always welcomed here.”
If she knew he was caught sucking face
like a blow fish with s...