Pin Me Down Holly Dodd

PIN ME DOWN BREWHOUSE BOOK TWO

HOLLY DODD

Contents Blurb Also by Holly Dodd Become a Honey 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17.

Regi Mia Mia Regi Mia Regi Mia Regi Mia Regi Mia Regi Mia Regi Mia Mia Regi

18. 19. 20. 21. 22.

Mia Regi Mia Regi Mia

Join the Hive! Excerpt of Kiss me Now Excerpt of Dirty CEO Epilogue Acknowledgments About the Author

Copyright © 2017 Holly Dodd http://www.hollydodd.com All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews. For permission requests please contact mailto:[email protected] This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Created with Vellum

For Tony

BLURB

Mia Reynolds isn't interested in relationships. She refuses to follow the same troubled path her codependent mother traveled. Now that she's

graduated from college and has a real job, paying her loads of money, the world is hers for the plucking. She doesn't need a man at her side, keeping her from having fun. Especially Regi, whose brandy-brown eyes and gravelly voice have haunted her since high-school. Together they're gunpowder and fire, explosive but dangerous. She's only willing to give him her body, but never her heart.

Regi O'Connell has been concealing his heartbreak for years. Despite the endless parade of women in his bed, throwing panties at him like confetti, there's only one who girl who has claimed him, heart and soul. But Mia refuses to give him a chance outside of the sheets. He's her dirty little secret, one she has no plans on revealing to the world.

Sometimes all it takes is one incident, one flash of

regret, to change who you were, and become who you are meant to be. Mia's heart is unyielding, a lockbox without a key. She needs to let him in, or let him go. He's giving it one more shot to show the women of his dreams that love doesn't make you weak, but stronger than steel.

This second chance new adult romance novel features a commitment phobic heroine and the alpha male who loves her despite it. As always in a Holly Dodd book, there is NO cheating and an HEA guaranteed.

This is a standalone story set in an interconnected series.

Trigger warning: Situational and conversational. Secondary MFM menage.

ALSO BY HOLLY DODD Also by Holly Dodd

Theirs to Take Giving it Up Kiss me Now

With Mickey Miller

Dirty CEO

Hot Blooded Prizefighter

BECOME A HONEY

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REGI

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF? The Alehouse, a newish bar-bistro restaurant in Madison, Wisconsin, hummed with activity. I thought with how loud it was I wouldn’t be able to hear myself think. I was wrong. The buzz of conversation and the clink of glassware drowned out everything except what I needed it to. That damn question. The one I’ve asked myself

for over a year. It was on repeat, and I couldn’t break the cycle. Why? Why? Why? I could yell it to the fucking sky. I wasn’t any closer to answering my mental musing. I was a broken record with an apparent masochistic streak. Every Thursday night, I arrived for the “Brewhouse Social” and hoped Mia would say something to me. That she would show me that she missed me as much as I missed her. I might as well be wishing to find a fucking pot of gold. Mia hated me and would continue to hate me because of one reason. I was in love with her. I glanced at Mia’s stiff back. She stood across the room from me behind a wall of tables and friends; a physical line erected between us and armored with societal expectations. She was the hostess, the creator of this collegiate get together, and I couldn’t darken her door without express invitation. I was Quasimodo stalking Esmeralda from afar. Though Mia was aware I was close by and watching every move she took. Her stance said

it all. Approach with extreme caution lest you get your balls served up on a plate like rocky mountain oysters. I’d learned long ago, back when we were teenagers fucking around with sex, that Mia’s words could be scalpel sharp. The damage so superbly inflicted, the little slices so thin, you didn’t realize how messed up you were until later. My heart still bore the shrapnel from our last blow up. I was still a fucking mess. Her indifference created a constant dull ache which buffeted my chest. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could handle it before falling off the deep end. Nope. Not this week. I’m not fucking doing this again. Shit, why can’t I quit her? For the past fifty-two weeks and counting, Mia denied I even existed. She’d completely cut me off, carving me out of her life as if I never existed. Last January I’d pushed, telling her how much I loved her. As expected, she’d reacted badly. I hadn’t realized until that moment that everything between us was one sided. She was the love of my life. I

was just a distraction for her. Then, I became her enemy. Fuck. That. I knew more of her than anyone else. She hid herself, and her heart, in a vault. The one I hadn’t yet figured out the combination to. I came back, letting her stomp all over my heart with her fiveinch heels, hoping she’d give me a clue. Maybe crack the door and show me that there was a chance. No matter how much I vowed to stop, I always came back. I’d moved back to Wisconsin for her, hoping to reignite the spark between us; a reunion that would lead us skipping into a rosy future. That didn’t happen. The emotional scars Mia bore made sure of it. I tore my gaze away and blinked down at my drink. I’d barely touched the beer I ordered. I swished it in the bottle, listening to the girl beside me talk non-stop. What was her name? Lisa? Fuck if I remembered. Not that it mattered. She was another pair of tits-and-ass that would distract me.

Just like every girl I’d ever known. There was only one I wanted, and she treated me like a leper. It was stupid of me to come here and stupid of me to stay. I took a swig of my beer and glanced at the time. I’d asked Jolene Miller out on a date in physics. I was in the tail end of my pre-med career before I went to med school, and very little held my interest in the classes I took. I might look like a dumb jock, and play one when prompted, but that wasn’t who I really was. While Jo hadn’t said yes, she hadn’t said no either. She should have arrived by now. Funny, Jo had been panting over me all year. I’d kept her at arm’s length because it felt wrong to go out with Mia’s best friend. Not that Jo knew about Mia and me. But I was done with Mia. Fucking over it. Now that I was giving Jo a chance, she’d stood me up. Yet, I wasn’t surprised. Something had changed for her once Kevin Harris made his move last week. Changed in them both. I might be a doctor-in-training, but even a blind man could see

what ailed them. They were in love. And I was so jealous. Not because Kevin had Jo. I didn’t feel that way about her. But that he’d put his heart out there, and she’d accepted him — flaws and all. I blew out a breath and glanced down at the dark-eyed girl nuzzled into my side. She was practically poured into her dress. The clingy charcoal material hugged every curve. She looked young, a teenager but still legal. She was fucking stacked, though, with a playboy bunny body most women coveted. I liked a girl with some heft to her. “Hey, want to head into the back?” I cut her off mid-word, not wanting to hear more of her babble. There was only one use for a bar bunny, and talking wasn’t it. She blinked up at me with an arched brow. The dark makeup smudged over her eyes was noticeable and made her look a bit like Mia in the right light. I could deal with that. Maybe I needed some role play to finally pry Mia out from beneath my skin. Mia and I were toxic, at least according to

her, and I needed a cure. The girl — Lucia? — gave me a sly smile. Her lips were plump and crimson. Perfect dick sucking lips. There was something familiar about her. Something I couldn’t put my finger on. Had I hooked up with her before? It didn’t matter. Since I couldn’t remember her it would be like fucking her for the first time. “Sure,” she said. She wiggled against my side and linked her tanned arm through mine. I gave her ass a pat and led her toward the back. On the way, I caught sight of Kevin slinking towards the busy bar. He wore a Badger’s ball cap pulled low, a layman’s disguise that I thought was ridiculous. But it would fool a few, mostly the girls who gravitated toward him as if his dick was magic. Not me. He’d been my bro for the past few years. I hadn’t expected him to show up. Not with whatever was going on between him and Jo. She’d been distracted and sad in physics. Had they broken up? Maybe he was looking for an easy score to ease his heartache. I knew the feeling. I

tilted my head to the brunet I’d left behind. She was ripe, ready to be plucked, and pouting that she hadn’t been picked for the evening. Madison was a college town, and there were always co-eds looking for an experience. Kevin shook his head and slumped into a bar stool. His carriage was as stiff as Mia’s. I shrugged and moved on. Everyone had a stick up their ass tonight. Not my problem. I led my prize through the narrow aisles of the draft house and navigated around a nightmarish clutch of pseudo-intellects who wouldn’t know the difference between a Coors Light and a home brew. I wasn’t into the pretentious shit. If it was cold and amber, I drank it. Pulling the girl closer, we shook off the college crowd and slipped into the dark. The back rooms of the Alehouse were perfect for my uses. Over the past few months, since Mia had begun using the restaurant for her social promotion experiment, I’d introduced more than a few girls to the idea of a sexual exhibition against the bambootextured walls. Sometimes letting off a little steam

was the only way to get through the night without having a total fucking meltdown over Mia. The dark allowed me to close my eyes and fantasize. The fact that the chick I was leading astray had a similar body type, the bronzed skin, and big ass of my favorite girl enhanced the illusion. Laura? Whatever. She was all in as we darted into an empty room. She turned on me, showing her grit as she pushed me up against the wall right beside the door. “You’re such a big boy”. “Yeah, I am.” Girls loved my size. I was sixfeet-five in bare feet and bulked up like a Mack Truck. They loved it. I pulled more tail than Daniel Boone. Except for Mia. But that was a lie. She fucked me when she wanted. Treated me like her dirty secret. Had for years. Ever since high school. I squeezed my eyes shut. I wouldn’t think about that now. I drained the rest of my beer in one gulp and set the empty bottle on a nearby shelf. “Are you going to keep talking or show me what you can do with that mouth.”

I didn’t give a flying fuck what she had to say. There was only one thing I wanted out of her. I wanted her to make me forget. Obliterate the pain that Mia’s rejection wrought in my chest. I was a sorry sack of unrequited love. Funny how shit like that goes. I had girls trying to lure me into relationships, and the one I wanted had turned one night stands into an art form. It would be laughable if it didn’t hurt so badly. Shit, I was whining. I focused on the girl. “Your wish is my command,” she laughed and sank to her knees. I heard her more than saw her. She was a silkskinned blur, caramel-colored hair from a bottle, and thick curves. I didn’t care who she was. What she wanted. She was a willing hole I was going to lose myself in. Sex allowed me brief splashes of pleasure in my miserable existence. It was a big reason why I was a raging man-whore. Maybe if I fucked enough girls, I’d find one with the magic pussy that would replace Mia. She pulled my zipper down, the metal SNICK

loud in the silence. Cold air seeped between the lapels and encircled my cock. The sounds of the bar came from far off, dampened by the thick walls that separated the banquet rooms from the rest of the upscale bar-restaurant duo. I wasn’t hard. Not at fucking all. My head wasn’t into it. Never was. Not until biology kicked in. She murmured a pout when she found my flaccid dick, but then her breath hitched. I was a shower. Even limp my cock was impressive. I pushed eight-inches. Legit, too. Not any of that lying bullshit. The width was only okay. I had a broad head, and that more than made up for any issues with girth. Her wet mouth worked over the tip. I closed my eyes, letting the sensations course through me. No thoughts. No emotions. Just the skillful play of a slippery tongue swirling around my shaft, getting the blood coursing through my body. Before long she had a double grip on my dick, and all thoughts of Mia flew south like migrating birds chasing warmth in the wake of winter.

This was what I craved. This was my drug. That in-between state between happiness and misery where I didn’t think. Didn’t feel. Just existed. This was the salve a broken heart required. Nameless, faceless sex in a back room. My hips pumped against her face while my fingers cinched in her hair, pulling her close until she choked. I shuddered. That’s it. That’s what I want. She gurgled as her tight throat opened around my dick. The slick rush of spit drew my balls tight. She pulled off with an abrupt pop. “Can we help you?” Shit. Who’d caught us? I opened my eyes and spotted Jo loitering in the doorway. I hadn’t expected her to show up tonight. This was going to work against me. I knew it. “Fuck, Jo. This isn’t what it looks like.” Jo’s acerbic laugh sliced the air. “Really? To me, it looks like you’re getting a blowie.” Okay. This was exactly what it looked like. I

urged the girl up, trying to get her off her knees. She wasn’t budging. Her name was on the tip of my tongue. Linda? Fine, fuck her. If she wanted to stay kneeling, she could. I tried stuffing myself back into my pants. There was something too vulnerable about having my dick flopping out. Except the L-named girl had her hands there, pumping my shaft and keeping me half-hard. A shudder snaked down my spine, half arousal, half disgust. I was into exhibitionism, but this was extreme. “It’s fine,” Jo said dismissively. “I just came looking for you to tell you I didn’t really feel like hanging out with you tonight. And I don’t think we should pursue anything in the future.” Jo’s words held a finality to them that whipped my head her way. “Wait, what?” “You had a fucking date tonight,” the girl squealed. Her hand tightened, threatening to tear my cock off, and I grunted at her grip. What the fuck was her name. Shit, it was bugging me. Usually, it didn’t, but I had a feeling I was supposed to know it.

“I’m kind of hung up on someone else. You’re…well. You’re not what I’m looking for,” Jo said. I shook my head. This was way too fucking surreal to be having a conversation like this while my dick was being jacked. “Are you fucking with me?” I was kind of relieved, though. Mia had been shoving me at her all year. As if giving Jo her fantasy would absolve her of lying to her supposed BFF. I knew how Mia worked. If I fucked Jo, she’d never touch me. I’d been desperate to invoke some reaction from Mia when I had asked Jo out tonight. However, I wasn’t surprised Jo was begging off from our “date”. She and Kevin were stupid for one another. No matter what issues were currently fucking their relationship up, I knew neither of them would really quit. Kind of like how I was with Mia. I was there for the long haul. I wanted to fix it — us — and Mia didn’t. I managed to get my pants pulled up, just barely, when a screech blew through my life and upended my whole world. “Licia?”

I didn’t even need to see who stood behind Jo. I heard that voice in my dreams and nightmares. “Fuck, Mia.” I knew she hadn’t come looking for me. Hell would freeze over before she sought me out. She’d seen Jo come into the Alehouse and went looking for her bestie. Still, I didn’t want her seeing me like this. Not that it would bother her. She fucked other men. I fucked other women. But I wouldn’t want to see her with her boys. No fucking way. Just the thought of it left me ill. Then what she said caught up with me, and my brain vibrated in my ears. Licia? Oh shit no. Oh no. I glanced down as the girl, who’d just been tonsil-deep on my dick, popped up like a loon. “Hey, sis.” I thumped my head on the wall. Hard. Wake up. Wake up. This had to be a fucking nightmare brought on by school stress. “You’re Mia’s sister?” I remembered little Alicia now. Thin and with braces, she’d been a blip on the radar back when Mia and I’d been high

school seniors. Everyone and everything had been eclipsed by Mia back then. She was my whole world. Had been ever since my family moved into their neighborhood. I’d turned into a cliché. The All-American jock who’d lost his heart to the girl next door. Only she didn’t want anything to do with me outside the bedroom. A sick feeling churned in my gut. There was no way Licia didn’t know who I was. No fucking way. She turned her cat-shaped eyes to me, and the deceptive glitter in them told me I’d hit the nail on the mother fucking head. Sonuvabitch. She’d known who I was. Known all along she was going down on her sister’s ex-fling. Licia walked in on Mia and me enough times and had been our own lookout after Mia admitted to something between us. “Yep, don’t you see the resemblance?” I’d been distracted, my head wrecked by thoughts of Mia. As it always was when I was around her. Now that she’d mentioned it I could see it in the shape of the face, the color of the eyes.

Hadn’t I thought she looked enough like Mia that I could pretend she was her for a while? Jo said something but my whole focus was on Mia. I stepped towards my heart, hands outstretched, imploring her to listen. “Mia wait, please.” Mia turned on me. Rage flared through her whiskey-brown eyes, turning them the color of sherry. It was wild how her eyes got a little red when she was mad. Her whole body vibrated with suppressed emotion. “Don’t. Just don’t. My little sister? Fucking hell, Regi.” I flinched, waiting for her anger to manifest into soul-cutting words. I dragged a hand through my beard. It wasn’t long enough to tug, but I wished it was. What a colossal fuck-up. “I didn’t know.” Whatever remaining hope I’d had that Mia would come back to me, would remember the promises we’d made the summer before college, went up in a puff of smoke. I would never forgive myself for being the cause of the hurt and betrayal simmering in her eyes. She looked ready to cry. No

matter what bullshit life threw at her, my Mia never cried. My heart cracked and fell out of my chest. She didn’t even bother to shred me with her words. Instead, the love of my life stormed away from me, dragging my bitter, broken heart behind her. I inhaled a shuddering breath. Jo shook her head at me. The look said it all. I’d done fucked up. She trailed after Mia, her voice swallowed by the clang of the bar. There was no coming back from this. I blinked hard, completely forgetting Licia stood beside me. “Now that they’re gone we can continue,” she purred as she rubbed her breasts against my arm. I shoved away from her, my body recoiling in revulsion. “What the fuck is wrong with you. You knew exactly who I was.” Licia tipped her head back. Folding her arms around her midsection, her stance grew defensive. “Yeah, so?” There was something wrong with Mia and her sister. I shoved both hands through my hair and pulled it in frustration. “Don’t you have an iota of

loyalty towards her?” “Don’t you talk to me about loyalty, Regi O’Connell. She isn’t loyal to me, why the hell should I be loyal to her,” she said with a sharp hiss. What had happened between Licia and Mia? Back when she’d been younger, before college, they’d been a solid family unit. And now her quest for revenge just cost me everything. Not that Mia would ever be mine. She’d said no when we were younger, and every year since. Still, I’d hoped. Fucking hell, I’d hoped so hard. And now, only ashes remained. “Stay the fuck away from me.” I shoved past Licia and into the bar, hunting my sobriety with the sour promise of alcohol. Deep down I knew even getting blind-ass drunk wouldn’t make me forget.

MIA

FUCKING LICIA. Goddamn Regi. What did you expect would happen? You don’t want him. Now that he’s moved on you suddenly need him? I couldn’t get away from the Alehouse fast enough. The demons in my head chased me as I clattered down the sidewalk towards my car. Though I wanted to rush away at a breakneck pace,

I was hobbled. Mostly because of the ice. Winter in Wisconsin made me wish for the tropics; a sugarcane beach with a cabana boy, turquoise blue water, and a Mai Tai in hand. Instead, I lived in the Midwest, and in January the cold was unavoidable. It might not be actively snowing, but I wished it would. Just to have an excuse to stay at home wrapped in blankets. I’d worn a pair of stiletto-heeled boots. In the middle of winter. Yeah, that wasn’t my smartest idea. Fashion before function was my long-standing motto. I’d wanted to look good for Regi. I dressed up knowing he’d be at the Alehouse tonight for the Brewhouse social, a get-together I hosted every week. It had begun as people in my social circle I’d wanted to keep in contact with after I graduated college, and branched out from there; all co-eds and graduates making connections and mingling. Shifting from academia to the real world was jolting enough without losing friends in the process. Regi didn’t mingle. He didn’t need to. Yet, he always came. No matter how cruel I was to him.

He showed up with hope in his hands like a balloon and puppy-dog eyes that made me feel like a shit-heel for how I treated him. Over the years, I’d expected his hope to deflate. It never did. He held on strong, secure in the knowledge that we’d be together. That someday I’d get over my “issues” and accept him. That his love would somehow heal me. How stupid was that? It was loony tunes. Regi didn’t realize I couldn’t just “get over it”. I had a mountain of daddy issues, and no matter how much he loved me, he couldn’t fix me. I wished he could. God, I wished. But I’d long ago realized that I could never trust a man. Thanks, dad. I finally reached my car and sagged against it. I sucked in a few shuddering breaths. The cold air burnt my lungs and iced the molten hot tears on my cheeks. Why did this hurt so much? I was fucked up in the head. I wanted to be normal. I was the worst sort of women. A heinous bitch toying with a man who loved me. I held Regi

at arm’s length while craving his attention. I pushed him at Jo, praying he didn’t take the bait, but hoping he would. I knew if he did anything with Jo I would finally be able to sever the invisible heartstrings which refused to let go of Regi and the normalcy he embodied. I didn’t ask for him in my life. I didn’t want him there. I am such a liar. Nothing worked. Why didn’t it work? I hung my head as failure and hope had a colossal battle inside my heart. For two years, I’d thought I would never see Regi again. That he’d moved on with his life, and left the memory of us behind. We’d met in a pisspoor town in nowheresville Wisconsin, and I didn’t blame him for looking towards the future. I did the same. And then, one day, he showed up as if our time apart hadn’t existed. I’d pushed him away emotionally. When that didn’t work, I became downright cruel.

I tried everything. I fucked around. When he realized I wasn’t about to commit, he fucked around too. But, I think that was the problem. He only slept with other women, he didn’t date them. He used them like tissues while I stomped on his heart. There were times I would get jealous, and I would yank him back into my bed. He came every single time, playing my games without complaint. Deep down I knew If I ever crooked my finger and stopped dancing around him, he would be mine. Irrevocably loyal and happy for it. He would have made some girl an amazing boyfriend. He’d been born to be monogamous. Except he’d fallen for me. And what had I done with his gift? I’d turned him into a man-whore. Women thought Regi was the worst sort of guy, not realizing I’d ruined him. I was okay with him screwing around with other women. I was a modern woman. It would be damn shady to tell him to keep himself celibate when I wouldn’t even talk to him. He was a man, not a saint. I just hadn’t expected this situation. Licia

wasn’t just anyone. She was my little sister. The image of Regi and Licia burned me, and the tears fell faster. If I didn’t get out of here now I was going to lose my shit. I couldn’t. Not until I was safe and away from the wreckage of my life. Licia. Why is it Licia? Seeing my little sister on her knees before Regi, her mouth swollen, filleted me. I was a fish flopping around with its head cut off and too stupid to realize what had happened; nerves firing; muscles spasming, but nothing to control it. My chest hurt. The shreds of my heart spilled from an invisible wound that no amount of mental berating could heal. It hurt so damn much. Worse than anything I’d experienced before. I’d thought I was immunized against the pain of relationships. Fuck, how had I gotten it so wrong? Yanking open the car, I dropped into the passenger seat before anyone found me. I hadn’t wanted Jo to follow me. God, what was I going to do about her? I am a terrible friend.

Jo didn’t know about my history with Regi. Didn’t know that I was all shades of fucked up. She was supposed to be my best friend, and I kept so much from her. I didn’t deserve her in my life. She called me her lifeline. But I knew she would drop me if she ever knew the things I held back. I wasn’t worthy of her. I’m not worthy of Regi. A deep shuddering breath whimpered free. I fumbled with my keys. My hands were frozen; polished icicles instead of fingers. They keys fell, clanging to the floor, and I scrabbled for them, getting ice and salt beneath my nails as I pawed at the mat. Finally, I slammed them into the ignition and started my Ford, ready to drive home and forget this night ever happened. I would dive into a movie marathon and lose myself to a perfectlyplotted script where everything bad was righted before the credits rolled. The pain wouldn’t let me. The tidal wave of hurt I’d held at bay crashed over the levees and flooded me. The tears came, streaking down my cheeks in salty streams. I

dropped my head onto the steering wheel and let the shame, sorrow, and defeat carry me away. With my tears came the memory of the first time I’d seen Regi. How handsome he was. How perfect. And how I would never be good enough for him.

MIA

IT WAS Licia who first noticed the moving van next door one January afternoon during my senior year of high school. I’d only been eighteen for a month, but I had already begun daydreaming of all the places I was going to go once I graduated. “Mia come see this! We have new neighbors.” My then thirteen-year-old sister squealed, her voice loud enough that it carried over the thump of music beating into my eardrums. I’d just finished

studying, geography wasn’t my favorite subject, and I was zoning out to the Pitch Perfect soundtrack. Usually, Licia didn’t bother me. But she was hyper about something, bouncing and keyed up enough that curiosity won out. I yanked my earbuds out just to see what the fuss was about. The Alicia — excuse me Licia — of the tween era was a sullen teenager trying to find her place in life. The number of sighs, eye-rolls, and pure insolent fucking attitude I’d received as answers to simple questions had made me want to strangle her scrawny neck. With mom never around, I got to play parent. I didn’t want or need that responsibility of being a constant babysitter to my sister. But I’d known if I didn’t do it, who would? Part of her attitude problem stemmed from the fact that Licia was trying to find herself. She hadn’t grown up. At least not physically. She looked ten in the face of other girls her age who looked older. Hell, some of the kids in her grade looked better than I had, and I was considered ‘legally’ an adult. Stretching my legs, I got up and joined her at

the window. She ushered the blinds aside and pointed to the moving van outside the Hanson house. It hadn’t even been a U-Haul, but a legit moving van with all the bells, whistles and two burly movers pulling down a metal ramp from the back. They’d rolled a big couch onto the blacktop, but weren’t moving towards the still-shuttered house. Old man Hanson’s son had finally collected his dad last year and shoved him into an old folks home. At least that was what the local gossips spouted. He’d put the house, a roomy split level, up for sale a month after. A few months after that the for-sale sign had been tagged with sold. But we hadn’t heard a peep of the new neighbors until the van showed up. “Do you think we should tell them what a shithole they're moving into?” Shullsburg, Wisconsin was what happened when the coal mines closed in the 70’s and there hadn’t been another industry to take its place. While it wasn’t technically “blighted”, there wasn’t lot to do. Housing was cheap, so that was one good thing about rural

Wisconsin at least. The local economy might have had an uptick over the past few decades, but it was never going to be the bustling hub it once was. “It’s not that bad,” Licia said, but there wasn’t any heat in her voice. Now that she was getting older she saw as well as I did that there was nothing to do in Shullsburg. You were born here, lived here, and died here. I refused to allow that to be my fate. Back then, I’d already applied and was admitted, to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Eighty glorious miles away from Shullsburg. I’d needed to stay in the state due to tuition costs, but I was moving to a legit big city. The capitol of Wisconsin. You couldn’t get any more big city unless you went to Milwaukee. I’d considered it since it was clear on the other side of the state. But none of the colleges there had interested me. “I wonder why they’re moving here.” There weren’t a lot of job prospects in Shullsburg unless you were into transportation, the farming industry, or crossing state lines to work at the casino in Dubuque, Iowa.

My mental musing was cut short as a dusty champagne-colored sedan pulled up behind the van. “Oh look, that must be the new owners,” Licia whispered with excitement. The back door of the car blew open, and a fluffy golden dog burst out, making a wild dash through the side yard separating the Hanson house from its neighbor. A kid around Licia’s age, all arms, and legs in that way young boys were, squealed as he lurched out behind him and gave chase. Licia giggled and I cracked a grin. We’d always wanted a pet, but mom was allergic to everything cute and fuzzy. The car’s front doors opened, and an older man and women stepped out to meet with the movers. Parents maybe? How nice that they were a solid family unit and not a broken one like mine. I ran my fingers along the glass. Flashes of watching dad leave popped across my eyes. I hadn’t thought of him in a while, yet his memory lingered like a specter just waiting to jump out and

fuck my day up. I shook the ghost away. I refused to think of mom, dad, or Dan, her newest disgusting hookup. I wasn’t prepared for the final piece of the new neighbor puzzle to make an appearance. The tallest damn guy ever unfolded from the back of the car. He was tall, like skyscraper tall, how is the weather up there, jolly green giant, enormous. My breath caught. Every nerve ending in my body lit up like Christmas lights in a blaze of glory. I’d never felt arousal before, but I was sure that sudden hot pulsing feeling between my thighs was it; a dull ache that tingled my girlie parts and made me want to squirm in place. The boy — man — ran his hand through a mess of tousled inky curls, disheveling them before he stretched his arms overhead. Usually, I didn’t like longish hair on a guy, but I had a feeling it was stunning on him. He was built like a college athlete. Maybe a runner. His broad shoulders were hugged by some soft-looking flannel, and his jeans hinted at sturdy legs. He was lean, caught in that

sexy in-between of youth and grade-A beefcake. My pulse thumped wildly, and I leaned closer. Wanting. Needing to see more of this Zac Efronesque hunk moving in next door. I hadn’t thought I was vain until I got a look at that body. I hadn’t even seen his face and I was hot all over. What color are his eyes? I jerked back. Hold the presses. Nope. That thought wasn’t happening. Do you really think you’re good enough for him? I flinched away from my internal monologue. The moment I had even a nice thought the doubt rushed in. I tried blotting the voice out, but it held fast. Your dad doesn’t want you. Your mom wishes you were never born. Don’t you remember what she said the last time you found her? Look at him. He’s fucking perfection. And you’re not.

Fat little puta. You’ll never be anything more than a spic wishing you were upgraded to white trash. I closed my eyes and let the barrage flow through me. It was a reminder of the life I had and nothing could change it. Physically I shook my head. But I couldn’t hide from that little voice. It sounded just like my dad. It had been with me since he left; born of his indifference to a screaming nine-year-old child banging on the glass; tears and snot and gasping breaths fogging the window; the tortured, confused witness to him lugging himself out of her life in two suitcases and a box. My mind replayed the shrill screams as mom chased after him, and the vicious backhand which had knocked her flat. Then the nasty racial slurs he’d flung at my Hispanic mother chased around my head. That slap had given him enough time to escape into another future without a low-born wife and two mestizo kids. Sometimes I thought Licia was lucky. She barely remembered him. She didn’t remember the

fights and the fists. I was glad he was gone in a way, but at the same time, I missed what he should have been. A sanctuary. A father. The glue that held our family together. But me? I remembered it all. The silence. Then the promises from mom that he’d come back. Then the booze. And the blood. And the hate when I saved her. Wanting a guy, any guy didn’t belong in my thoughts. I refused to get into a relationship. Period. Everyone got held at arm’s distance. Mom made sure I would become a man hater by being the most codependent woman on the planet. Since dad left when I was nine and Licia was a toddler, and after mom’s suicide attempt, there was a carousel of new men in our lives. Some lasted a week, some months. Dan, her newest fling, was going on six months. Six long months where I had to shove a chair beneath the door handle to make sure he didn’t sneak into Licia’s and my room at night.

I shuddered. He wasn’t the first one to do it. I’d told mom once about her “boyfriends” predilection of trying to get some jailbait pussy, and she’d slapped me. It was up to me to protect Licia and myself since mom didn’t have a maternal bone in her body. She always put her men before us. I wished I could blame her. But she needed something, anything, to fill the void inside. I would never be that way. I would never fall into the trap where I needed a man that much. I would never be that weak. Never. I glanced over my shoulder. I caught Licia’s gaze reflected in the window as she watched the parents chase their kid and dog around their new yard. Her face was a mask of yearning. Of hope withering on the vine. Dad wouldn’t be coming back, but I knew she wished he would. Her sadness wore a different face than mine. Mine had hollowed me out. Made me feel worthless. Hers filled her with anger. She overflowed with resentment.

We were both so fucked up. Even at that age. I couldn’t save her because I was drowning too. I turned away, pretending I didn’t see her misery and left her to stew in it.

MIA

SCRATCH. SCRATCH. SCRATCH. Fifteen minutes after I dragged my ass in from the cold someone was raking their nails down my apartment door as if they were a fucking cat. I wasn’t about to move. Whoever darkened my door could go the fuck away. I was resolved to stay on the couch until a hard-fisted knock rattled the doorjamb. “Mia, open up,” a girlish voice, muffled by the thick slab of wood, said.

I closed my eyes. I didn’t need to be psychic to know who waited in the hallway. My muscles knotted, taut as tripwire spooled through my body, and eager to erupt into violence. Pressing my hand against my forehead, I waited a minute, willing the rage hazing my vision to mellow. Finally, when I felt like I wasn’t going to kill my guest, I stalked to the door and yanked it open. Licia stood on the stoop with a black weekend bag bunched at her feet. Was she fucking crazy? My heart beat a frenzied staccato against my sternum, wanting to burst out like a damn chest ripper from Alien and punch her in the throat. “Why are you here,” I snapped. The emotions drying my throat hadn’t cooled. They were just lying in wait before launching a verbal assault. “Is that any way to greet your sister?” Licia sneered. Her bittersweet brown eyes, the same shade as mine, raked over me. She didn’t wait for an invitation. Licia hauled her bag up and shoved past me. Her shoulder check pushed me towards the

wall. I pressed my forehead against the plaster beside the door. I would not kill her. I wouldn’t. Besides, there was no place to hide the body. Glancing down the hall, I made sure my nosy neighbors weren’t acting like prairie dogs. There were a few old biddies on my floor and they thrived on gossip. Stepping inside, I shut the door behind her harder than anticipated. If Licia’s loud voice hadn’t pricked their drama radar, the way I slammed the door would. I turned and faced my little sister. “After that stunt at the Alehouse, do you really believe you’re welcome here?” I didn’t doubt for a second that her hook-up with Regi was accidental. He hadn’t changed physically since we’d first met him. He was still the humongous beefcake that had made all the girls at Shullsburg High swoon. If anything, he was bigger, fifty pounds more of rock-solid muscle, then he’d been at eighteen. I pinched the bridge of my nose. I needed eye bleach to remove the image of Licia and Regi. Maybe a lobotomy would do the trick.

“Why do you care. You don’t want him.” Licia tossed me a smirk over her shoulder, daring me to deny her assessment. I’d been vocal to anyone and everyone that Regi and I were just friends. That I would never, ever be caught dead in a relationship. What a fucking bitch that she was using that against me. Licia swiped a finger along the wall. The sharp noise of nails on the paint set my teeth on edge. Then she settled in between rooms, her eyes flicking through my apartment and assessing every detail. It was cracker-jack box small. You could see into every room, including the bedroom, if you stood at the cross section where the hallway led off into the bathroom, bedroom, and kitchen/living room area. I’d moved in after graduating college with my Bachelor’s degree. I’d obtained an amazing entrylevel position at an up-and-coming public relations company right away. It was pure magic. I was using my Marketing degree. While my bachelorette pad wasn’t much and reflected my independent quasi-poor status — a one bedroom rectangle in a

high-rise building — it was all mine. “It’s complicated,” I muttered. With Regi and I, it always was. “You know it is. Why’d you do it?” I didn’t know who to pile the blame on. Now that I’d had a chance to think, I remembered what he’d said. He didn’t recognize her. Licia was a far cry from the thin little girl she’d been back then. She was my sister, and even I barely recognized her. Licia’s eyes were on me as I went back to the kitchen. I’d been aerating a bottle of wine before she’d knocked. I needed the numbing comfort of alcohol now more than ever. Licia let loose a cutting little laugh. There was a smirk in her voice. “Because I could.” My hands shook around the wine glass. This was the crux of my problem with Licia. When I’d left for college she’d cried, begged me not to go. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t put off my education for four years and take care of her. And I couldn’t take her into the dorms with me. She was old enough to handle mom’s issues herself. I’d been nine when I had to deal with them. She had

four years to adjust before it was her turn. She viewed my leaving as some sort of betrayal. When I’d come home that year for Christmas she’d changed. Gone was the sullen teenager I’d left behind, and in its place was this vicious bitch wearing Licia’s face. I missed my sister and mourned the relationship we could have had. I blinked back the tears. I didn’t dare face her and give her more ammunition to use. “It was cruel to both Regi and me.” God, how had he felt when he realized his newest hookup was Licia? He’d looked like death; pale and stricken. Why did I care? Because no matter how much you deny it, you want him. I buried the voice before it got started and tore me apart. Licia knew some of the history between us. She’d watched us dance around each other the last few months of our senior year in high school and all through the summer. She’d been the only one that had known about us. “You need to toughen up, buttercup,” Licia

said. Damn, I wanted to throw my wine at her. I took a deep pull just so I wouldn’t murder the eighteenyear-old brat behind me. “Why are you here?” I repeated. “I’m touring the University this weekend.” Licia’s heels thumped against the carpet as she strolled to the couch and flopped down into the cushions. It was still newish, and the pillows sighed around her as they deflated. “This is comfy.” “So, you came without asking, showed up at the Alehouse to be a bitch, and still expect me to let you stay?” I gritted my teeth. She was taking advantage of me, playing with me like a cat at a mouse hole. Licia was on my Facebook. She’d seen the group invite. And, up until her stunt, I wouldn’t have minded her visit and joining in. Now it took every ounce of self-control not to launch myself at her. My fingers twitched, longing to dig into her hair and beat her up. I’m not that girl. Violence isn’t the answer.

I will not be like dad. A lot of the time I feared I had his temper. The anger consumed me, and I wanted to maim and gnash and tear. Since I couldn’t do it with my fists, I often did it with words. My tongue curled around all the ways I could shred her false self-esteem. With the way she paraded herself, I saw the soft spots inside her. They mirrored mine. Licia craned her neck, her smile more of a sneer as she gloated. “Yep, pretty much.” I closed my eyes and turned away. She had me, and she knew it. Where else was she going to go? If she were truly touring the school, it would be wrong of me to kick her ass out. Despite the absolute cuntish behavior she depicted, she was still blood. She was still my little sister. She didn’t fucking deserve my mercy. I gritted my teeth. “Sunday morning you’re gone.” Grabbing the wine bottle, I vanished into my bedroom and slammed the door. The loud BOOM satisfied me, even if the force of it hurt my wrist. Sinking onto the edge of the bed in the dark, I

closed my eyes and drank the first glass of wine in two gulps. Then I poured another one. If I crawled into the bottom of the bottle maybe I could forget about Regi, and Licia, and the broken bits of myself. Drunken oblivion couldn’t come soon enough.

REGI

“YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT,” MY ROOMMATE, IAN, SAID AS I staggered out of my bedroom. His voice bounced around my skull, and I groaned. I needed an aspirin. Or some hair of the dog. Something to stop the splitting sensation rupturing my head. Last night was a big blur. At some point, I’d taken an Uber home, which meant I had to go get my car at the Alehouse today. My grand plan to drown my ails in Captain and Coke hadn’t worked.

No matter how much I drank, I couldn’t get the image of Mia out of my head. The hurt flooding her luminous brown eyes floated across my vision; an afterimage burnt onto my retina and coring into my brain in a quest for intelligence. Despite my IQ, I felt like a fucking moron. Hooking up with anyone at the Alehouse had been stupid. Maybe I’d wanted Mia to catch me, just to provoke a reaction out of her. But not this. There were lines even I didn’t cross. I collapsed into a chair at the kitchen table and cradled my head. The legs screeched over the linoleum and I cringed as the sound sent knives into my ears. “I feel like it.” The soft glug of liquid sloshing into a mug stirred me before Ian shoved a steaming cup of java in front of me. “Do I want to ask? You don’t normally get hammered.” My only vice was adrenaline. I might have a beer, but I didn’t usually get shit-faced. I took my coffee black as sin, and just inhaling the astringentsmelling steam perked me up. “Mia.” Ian snorted a half laugh/half sympathy noise.

“Ah. You two are still dancing around each other?” Ian was only the second person that knew about Mia and me. His timing last year had been unfortunate. He’d come back to the apartment just as Mia and I’d finished. There had been no hiding her sex-hair. Or the anger in her voice as she railed at me about using a certain four-letter word on her. She’d been pissed, still was pissed, that someone else knew about us. That I’d broken the “casual” rule she’d slammed down. She hadn’t come back or talked to me since. Things had been going good, and I thought she would have been able to handle the depth of my emotions. Apparently not. During that low time when I wasn’t sure if I wanted to even finish college, let alone stay in the same state as Mia, I’d told Ian everything. He’d helped me through the worst of it. Now, a year later, I was almost right back to where I started. “She hates me.” The words burned more than the deep swallow of piping-hot coffee I’d just swallowed. Ian sighed a deep bellow that was drawn out into a long-suffering note. He was readying the

lecture he always gave me when it came to my girl. “No, she doesn’t. I don’t know what her problem is, but hate isn’t it.” I looked up at him. He didn’t have classes on Friday. Though that wouldn’t have mattered much to him. He was dressed casually; a ginger-bearded behemoth in sweatpants and a holey T-shirt. He was the most casual MBA candidate I’d ever met. “If that’s not hate, I don’t want to see it.” Ian narrowed his eyes at me. “So, what happened last night that has you looking like death warmed over. It’s been a few months since you’d had some Mia drama. I suppose the two of you were due.” I didn’t want to think about it. But I couldn’t escape the slide show of images that whirled through my head at Ian’s question; Licia and her wet mouth; Jo’s relieved face; Mia’s furious glare. Swirling my mug, I watched the liquid form a whirlpool at the bottom. Ian cringed. “That bad, huh? I guess the two of you saved up and made a fucking shit show out of it. Do you need some Irish libation in that coffee?”

The idea of more booze turned my stomach. “No. No more alcohol.” I muttered. The worst had happened. Worse than Ian could imagine. I couldn’t even force myself to say it. That whatever Mia and I could have been was over. There was no way to come back from this. I had to man up and deal with it. Doubt poured in through the tears in my soul. If I’d known the path my life would take me on when I first met Mia all those years ago, would I still have chased her? I honestly didn’t know.

REGI

I HADN’T EXPECTED to fall in love. Especially not as a teenager. Love was for when I was older. I had a great family life. I was one of the only few in my social circle, before and after the move to Shullsburg, whose parents were still together, and

very much in love. I’d lucked out in that department. I knew from an early age that I wanted what my parents had, and I wouldn’t accept anything less. If I had to wait forever, so be it. I would only get married once, and love only one woman. And then Mia came and upended my whole belief system. Maybe she was fate’s way of balancing the scales. I’d had an easy life, and now that I wanted something, I would need to work my ass off to woo her. It wouldn’t just be handed to me like it seemed everything else had; good looks, intelligence, charm and athletic ability. The only thing I’d really had to work towards, until her, was getting the scholarship that would pave the rest of my future. The first day at Shullsburg High I hadn’t been thinking of love or the future. I’d been just a new kid trying to muscle my way through. I’d been pissed that I had to leave my old high school halfway through senior year. I wore the new-kid chip on my shoulder for all to see. I’d signed my letters of intent to Penn State on a football

scholarship, but I’d still wanted to finish out my school career surrounded by people who knew me best. I first saw Mia while I’d been waiting in the driveway. Mom had been loading my little brother Josh into the car. I would be walking the short distance to the high school, but she’d wanted to talk to me. Maybe make sure I was okay. The move was drastic, but with the recession and layoffs and the economy tanking, dad had been lucky to land a new position paying him more than his old one had. The downside was it required us to move to Shullsburg, Wisconsin, a tiny blip on the map with a whole lot of cornfields and mine recession. The door across the street opened, and Rascal let out a happy woof, greeting the new neighbors. I turned, and my whole life changed in an instant. Destiny threw a motherfucking wrench at me, and there’d been no dodging it. I’d been knocked sideways. The early morning sun basked Mia in an ethereal glow. I wasn’t very religious, despite being raised to respect faith. But I was almost a

believer, converted by divine providence when I caught sight of the black-haired angel ushering her sister towards the bus stop. Worn jeans clung to a figure that made my mouth water. She was bundled into a long cardigan sweater, and only later would I learn that she was stacked from tits-to-toes. Her bronzed skin was a delicious contrast to all the pasty-ass Wisconsinites I grew up around. I was a goner. Instalove a first sight. And for the rest of the year, I pursued her. Eventually, she gave in. Had this been a normal puppy love situation I might have gotten over her. I realized around May that our “casual” fling wasn’t all I wanted. I’d had her in my bed countless times, been her first and proud of it, but it wasn’t enough. Nothing less than forever would satisfy me. “Mia, don’t go.” My fingers tangled in her hair, coiling the sooty, filament-fine locks around my knuckles. I tugged, reeling her against me. She’d just discovered she loved having her hair pulled during sex, and I was abusing the privilege every

time I could. Her warmth branded me as she wiggled against me. She was imprinted not just on my body, but in my heart too. The scent of us lingered on her skin, marking her as mine even if she denied it. She quivered as she leaned close, her clothing askew and jeans unbuttoned in the rush to pull them on. No matter how many times she tumbled into my bed, she always bolted afterward. I didn’t think it was the shame that sent her running away because she always came back for more; hot and wanton and very much in control of her sexual awakening. “Your parents are going to be home soon,” she said, though she evaded my eyes. It was the same excuse she gave. Most of the time it was bullshit. “You know they won’t. They’re both working nights at the factory, and Josh is at the sitter.” I wrapped my arms around her; steel bands binding her to me. If I could hold onto her forever, it would still be too little. She squirmed in my grip. “Regi, don’t.” “Go to prom with me,” I murmured against her hair. Our senior prom was a few months away. She

hadn’t mentioned anything about it. We were both going, and I wanted the memories of attending with her. The whole shebang: corsage, limo, rented tux, and cheesy photos. “It’s the last chance we have to show off together, and be a real couple.” She froze, growing stiff in my arms, and I closed my eyes realizing the mistake I’d made. Every time I tried for more with her, she backtracked. I let my arms loose, and she pulled away. “No.” I sighed and sagged against my rumpled bed. “Why not?” Mia growled. “Because this isn’t us being together, Regi. This is just sex. Why do you want more? You’re going to Penn State and I’m going to Madison. Whatever is even between us.” She flicked her fingers into the space separating us. “Won’t last.” “You won’t even give it a chance.” God, I hated the plaintive whine in my voice. What had happened to my balls? Mia apparently had them held hostage in her damn purse. For the past three and a half months since my

parents moved us to Shullsburg and Mia blew into my life, I’d been trying to get her to agree to a relationship. The football season had ended before we’d moved, and I’d already pledged myself to Penn State on a full ride. But a part of me would have cast it all aside for a chance to be with Mia and attend college with her at the same university. If she’d let me. It had been easy enough to seduce her into hooking up. Even though she’d been a virgin, she’d wanted the experience before leaving Shullsburg. I’d been way too fucking happy to do the job. But every time I approached the idea of more than sex, she turned ice cold. When I pushed too hard, I’d be lucky to see her for a week. “I fucking care about you, Mia.” I didn’t dare say the L word. If she knew how I really felt about her she’d do a legit Houdini act on me. I’d never met a girl more against relationships. Most girls were trying to tie me down, thinking I’d play professional football in the NFL or somewhere. That wasn’t what I wanted. Playing football and earning the scholarship was a way for

me to do what I really wanted. Becoming a doctor. Helping people. If I needed to toss a pigskin around to get there, so be it. Mia sighed. She’d walked far enough away that she stood silhouetted in front of my bedroom window. The soft light diffused through the curtains turned her into a thick-bodied angel haloed by the late afternoon sun. “How long do we even have, Regi. You’re leaving in August, so am I. A few months at most? Do you really want to do that to yourself? Be with me for three months and then we leave?” “We can have a long-distance relationship. You’re the only one saying no.” I raked a hand through my hair. The familiar prickles of frustration needled me. She didn’t get it. How come she couldn’t see how much I loved her? Why didn’t she realize that this was so fucking rare? We’d found each other while young. We would have our whole lives ahead of us to be together. She refused to open up, and during times like this, it was like talking to a fucking brick wall. “I don’t want a long-distance relationship. It’s

college. I want to experiment and explore.” Her blunt assessment gutted me. I closed my eyes. The thought of Mia with another man made me violent. She was fucking mine. I balled my fists and stuffed them beneath my thighs. If I didn’t I’d be grabbing her, holding her down, demanding things that she didn’t want to give. “I don’t want to hear that.” She approached me. Stepping between my thighs, her fingers cradled my cheeks. “It’s the truth and something you need to hear. We’re young, I want to live. I don’t want to look back on my youth and realize I’d wasted it.” “How is this a waste?” I gripped her tiny waist. Spreading my thighs wider, I pulled her against me, grinding my half-hard cock against her thigh. “Do you really think another man will make you feel like I do?” The urge to soak her in my scent, so that any man who got close to her would smell me on her, roared through me. It was a Neanderthal need that she brought out in me. Mia sighed and scratched my smooth cheek with her nails. “I don’t know. That’s the whole

point in experimenting.” Fuck no. Anger blazed through me. Picking her up, I spun her around and pinned her to the bed with my body. She bucked beneath me, realizing my intent. I caught her dainty wrists between my fingers and forced them above her head, trapping her. Her lush breasts rose, forced flat by the weight of my chest on hers. Her nipples were already hardening; tiny little spikes that stabbed through her shirt. “No one will ever make you feel like I do, Mia. No. Fucking. One.” Her thighs spread. I ground against her, and she moaned as the iron-hard bar of my cock settled against her soft slit. I’d just fucked her, but the need to be inside her was constant. I caught her lips, biting the bottom curve with a sharp, bruising nip, and swallowed her protests. “Regi,” she whimpered. She arched against, and I hissed at the feel of her buxom curves rubbing against me. Even through her jeans, her pussy smoldered; a slick, tight furnace threatening to bathe me in flames. “If you won’t go to prom with me spend one

day with me. A real date.” I nipped her lips again, denying her my kisses until she agreed. She growled at me, her arms straining as she struggled against my hold. I loved when she fought, and my dick bulged against my boxers. She might have gotten dressed, but I was still mostly naked. At this rate, if I let her go she’d slap me, or claw me, or both. Keeping her wrist pinned in one hand, I yanked her shirt up, revealing her fat breasts housed in a white bra. “If you want me to suck on these big titties, you’ll answer me.” Her eyes narrowed; anger and lust warring on a velvety brown battleground. Dipping my head, I licked one of her hard nipples through the fabric. “I hate you,” she hissed, but her moan made a liar of her. “You fucking love what I do to you.” I raked my teeth over her breast, plucking on the tip with restrained lust. “Answer me.” She shuddered. Then she melted. Her eyes closed in sweet surrender. “Yes, fucking hell, yes I’ll go out with you.”

Peeling the cups of her bra down with my teeth, I sucked as much of her breast into my mouth as I could. “Such a good girl.” I grinned against her dusky skin. I wasn’t playing fair. I used her desire against her. But so fucking what. This was war. I could be patient while her heart caught up with what it wanted. But I wasn’t going to make kicking me out of her life an easy choice. I rocked against her as my term of endearment turned her molten. Even as I seduced her, my mind turned to the future. No matter what she thought, I was never letting her go. Five years later, I still hadn’t given up on “us”.

MIA

LICIA’S QUIET SNORES FILLED THE MORNING GLOOM AS I readied for work. A low-grade headache throbbed at the base of my skull, reminding me of my over indulgence in tears and wine. Popping two Advil and chasing it with a paper cup of water, I avoided my reflection. No amount of makeup would cover my swollen eyelids and the gentle bruising caused by lack of sleep. I’d tried, but beneath my cosmetic-created mask, the roughness of my night lingered; a reminder that no

matter how far I ran, Regi was a phantom attached at the heart and soul level. I would pay for my weakness for the rest of the day. You’d think after five years, numerous flings, and my refusal to give Regi what he wanted, that I would be immune to my heart’s traitorous urges. My mind was with the program, my heart wasn’t. Damn bitch pined for him, and nothing I thought seemed to matter. Even his brief hook-up with Licia wasn’t enough to shake free of him. She was more to blame, though I’d never tell him that. Was it cruelty, or strength, to make him believe any chance between us was over? If I could stay away longer, erect a wall of silence and anger, maybe he would finally move on. For real, and not the fuck ‘em and leave ‘em games he played. I swallowed around the sorrow climbing my throat. No more tears. This is how it must be. Squaring my shoulders and tucking a couple flyaway hairs back into my French braid, I

prepared to face the day. I walked through the lowlit apartment and paused by the couch and the lump snuggled onto it. Licia had found the extra pillows and blankets I stored in the closet. In sleep, she looked like my little sister. The sneer and hostility were smudged away, returning her to a carefree teenager. I ached to turn back time. Fix the perceived wrongs that she heaped at my feet. Why did she have to go after Regi? Could I forgive her? Did I want to forgive him? There was no magic wand. I’d loved Cinderella as a child, but as an adult, I knew there was no fairy Godmother to bippity boppity boo my problems away. The only solution was to keep marching forward. Gingerly I tucked the blanket higher beneath her chin, cocooning her in warmth and comfort without waking her. I was still angry with her, but I also carried guilt. I’d left her behind to deal with the burdens of our mom. If I hadn’t, maybe she’d have grown into a normal young woman instead of a viper.

I bundled into my long black winter coat. The sleek length hugged my body from fur-rimmed hood to ankle. It still wouldn’t keep the cold out. I braced myself and hit the ground at a quick pace. It was a short dash from the elevator, through the underground garage, and to my car. It was cold as fuck, and my car wouldn’t warm up fast enough. The heater was on its last legs. The whole car was. But the metro system, aka the bus, catered to the University. Once you were no longer a part of academia you were shit out of luck if you worked along the perimeter of downtown. I lived in West Middleton, and worked in Middleton, both completely west of the University and Capitol Building. I was fucked no matter which way you looked at it. While there were bus stops scattered about Middleton, I’d be walking my ass all over the city in the cold. I was a tropical Mexican flower transplanted, before my birth, to the damn arctic. Winter walking was nowhere on my itinerary. Once I’d landed my “grown up” job after graduation, I’d gone and made my first adult

purchase; the bitch mobile. She wasn’t pretty. She wasn’t young. But she was mine. A battered black Ford Focus I’d bought for a song. You got what you paid for, though. And in the frigid middle of winter, I’d paid for no heat and cold seats. “Come on girl, don’t crap out on me now,” I crooned, gently petting the dashboard. Finally, with a sputter of ice-cold air, the engine growled and the heater rolled over. I sighed. It was Friday morning. The ass-crack of dawn and the day couldn’t end soon enough. Traffic was light as I pulled out and navigated to I-14, aka University Ave, one of two major veins that connected Madison and her many suburbs. My commute was ten minutes on the dot. Since I habitually left home thirty minutes early, I had plenty of time. Maybe caffeine and sugar would perk me up and kill the depression clouding my head. A new place called Hurts Donuts had opened a few months back. Them and Dunkin Donuts were the only two donut shops in driving distance if you didn’t count the ton of bakeries in the area. While I

loved my Dunkin, I wasn’t in the mood to fight traffic heading into Madison proper. I swung into the parking lot and made another dash through the cold and into bake shop heaven. With names like Bart Simpson, Cookie Monster, and Jesus, these weren’t your momma's donuts. I grabbed two, one loaded with candy toppings that were sure to give me diabetes, a maple long john, and a coffee. Apparently, I’d made it just in time. As I was skipping out with my fat-and-sugar bombs, a rush of people pulled into the parking lot. A few minutes later I made it into work. I didn’t want to go inside yet. I had ten more minutes until I needed to be at my desk. Food, other than coffee, was prohibited in the cubicles. So, I worked my way through my maple bar while checking my text messages and Facebook notifications. The Brewhouse group had a bunch of new members requesting to join. I added them in and set up the event reminder for next week. Any E-mail could wait until later. There was only one thing I should be doing, and I was procrastinating. I didn’t want to face my punishment for my actions.

I sighed. I was such a shit friend to Jo. Not just Jo, but to everyone. I’d never wanted her, or anyone, to find out about Regi. Especially when she’d fallen in lust with him. Whatever leeway I thought I’d had in telling her about us had ended then and there. Now there were consequences. I should have told her. I didn’t. Whatever bad karma was coming my way I’d surely earned. I gnawed on my donut and stared at my phone. I’d demanded space last night. She was giving it to me. But I needed to talk to her before the truth festered and rotted into anger. I loved Jo. I had the relationship with her I wanted with Licia. She was closer to me than my own sister. Closer to me than anyone. I could do social butterfly, but having true friends was difficult. I didn't let anyone past the walls. Fucking Licia. I closed my eyes. I didn’t know what I was going to do about that mess. Punching out one’s sister was a bad idea, right? Finally, with only a few minutes left until I’d

be tardy if I didn’t get out of the car right now, I sent Jo a quick text. Me: Meet for lunch? I didn’t expect her to answer me for a few hours yet. Especially if she was Kevin. That whole relationship mystified me, yet didn’t. Kevin Harris had it bad for Jo. I’d thought he’d help her pop her cherry, teach her a few new moves, and then she’d get the confidence to move on. I hadn’t expected them to fall in love. Then again, I wasn’t sure I believed in love either. It was just a big bunch of bull the greeting cards pushed; a hormonal rush that encouraged the propagation of the species and created enchanting made for TV movies. Love for me was pain and abandonment. It wasn’t a fairytale I wanted to chase. Except Regi has loved you for years. I shook my head, attempting to dislodge that little voice out of my head. My conscience was such a rag. Regi didn’t love me. He loved the chase. The moment I gave in he’d leave. Except he had me. Many times. And he still

wanted more. Firmly shoving Regi out of my head, I grabbed my coffee, remaining donut — the rules be damned — and headed into work.

BEING an entry-level employee for a public relations firm was just a fancy way of saying I was a gopher. I filled in on teams that needed an extra hand, played receptionist, and learned to juggle a hundred different requests with aplomb. My current tasks were running coffee and a lunch order to a group of analysts holed up in a conference room and printing out a list of fundraising ideas for one of the event coordinators. The latter was a lot of hurry up and wait. Leaning back in a chair I’d pulled into the copy room, I stretched my legs out just as my phone pinged with an incoming message. I glanced at the screen. Jo: Yes. Where? Lunch was on. I was half happy and part

nervous. I was hell-bent on blowing my diet. I was closing in on mid-twenties, and even I knew my metabolism wouldn’t hold for long. My maternal family had a history of having great hourglass bodies, big asses, thick thighs, that went Jabba the Hutt fat after the first baby. I didn’t want that to happen to me, so I tried watching what I ate. But with the way the day was going, the only beneficial therapy was carbs and chocolate. Later, wine. I couldn’t take an extended lunch today. Not with how busy everyone was. They would need my extra hands. So no going to my favorite pub for a pint and a po’ boy. Which meant something easy; fast food without the grease. Me: Which Wich at 1 pm? The sandwich shop was just a glorified Subway. It would let us get our food quick, eat, and talk. Jo: Okay! See you then. I nibbled on my bottom lip and stowed my phone. Jo seemed to be in a good mood. How long would that last once she knew the depth of my sins?

**

“I THOUGHT you were doing your hermit and movie cave thing,” Jo said a few hours later while we stood in line at the sub shop. Curiosity stirred in her voice, but she was holding her deeper questions. For now. Like me, she probably didn’t want a load of strangers knowing our business. I stared at the array of vegetables, pretending I was still deciding what I wanted to eat, even though I’d known what I’d wanted before walking in. “I might this weekend. I take it you and Kevin patched things up?” Jo uttered a blissful sigh. Kevin was a total ass-pirate for pushing Jo away. I was glad he’d pulled his head out of his rectum. “Yes. We talked. He told me he loved me and didn’t want to be without me. We’re going to make it work.” A spot of envy wriggled into my chest. I

wished I could be as proactive as Jo was. She’d wanted Regi, and she’d gone and tried to make it happen. The situation might have backfired, or maybe turned out the way it was supposed to be, but she’d put on her big girl panties and tried. I’d pushed Regi at her. Jo would have been good for him. Maybe he would have gotten over me. He hadn’t tried anything with her because she’d been a virgin. Kevin fixed that problem, but they’d fallen in love, effectively killing the hardcore crush she’d had on Regi. I still wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about the Regi/Jo thing other than bouts of jealousy. Fuck. I was such a mess. “How can I help you?” One of the three sandwich artists behind the half-glass barrier stopped in front of us. “I’d like a large Classic Superfood Wich combo with an iced tea and a brownie.” I nearly drooled just ordering. With a black bean patty, jalapeno hummus, and a shit ton of veggies wrapped in a spinach tortilla, my taste buds were humming. It was healthy-ish, and I could absolve

my guilt about ruining it with a giant ass dessert. “And you,” she turned to Jo. “A medium Turkey Reuben combo and a diet coke.” We shuffled down the line as our lunch was prepared. Finally, we paid, grabbed our food, and found a two-person table towards the back. Not a lot of people ate in at the Wich but grabbed their food to go. The lack of spectators would allow us to eat and talk in quasi-privacy. Unwrapping my sandwich, I picked up half and bit into it. Jo sipped her soda and watched me speculatively across the table. She rattled the ice in her cup against the side. “So, you and Regi?” I swallowed my first bite hard. I’d known the question was coming. Hell, I’d asked her out to lunch just to have a heart-to-heart with Jo. I just expected to finish lunch before getting into it. I licked the hummus from my finger and sighed. “It’s complicated.” Anger flashed like a solar flare in Jo’s eyes. “Is it now? Was it complicated before or after you

introduced me to him, and cheer-leading me on to chase after him? Was my crushing on him some kind of game the two of you played?” I hung my head. Jo’s anger cut me; a mortal wound adding onto the one Licia inflicted the night before. “No, it wasn’t anything like that.” Jo unwrapped her Reuben, though she’d made no move to eat it. She poked at the sauerkraut hanging over the sides of the bun. “Have you two slept together?” I crossed my arms across my chest in a protective instinct. Or maybe I was trying to keep my heart in my chest. It was racing. My ears thundered with my pulse. “Yes.” I barely breathed the word. It was hard to think. Harder to utter. Seeing the pain on Jo’s face was even harder. Her brow scrunched, creating soft furrows across her forehead. “When? Were you two fucking around the whole time I was pursuing him?” I shook my head stiffly. The depth of my lies to Jo was about to be revealed; the dirt and muck I’d shrouded our friendship with all but assured she’d hate me. “He was my first.”

Jo rocked back. Her brown eyes widened with confusion. “Wait. What? You said you lost your cherry in high school.” I swallowed hard and nodded. Jo was a smart girl. She’d figure it out. “You and him. Since fucking high school? The whole time?” Jo mirrored my position, her crossed arms held her anger inside just as I held my guilt. “Not the whole time.” I closed my eyes and felt the sting of tears coat my lashes. “Off and on. We…we weren’t a thing. I didn’t want to be with him. We fooled around a few months at the end of senior year and the summer before college. He was going one way. I was going another. I never thought I’d see him again.” Jo’s eyes narrowed, her lashes tipped low and barely hid the suspicion within. “Why is he here if he was going to college somewhere else?” That was the question du jour. Why was Regi in Madison? “There was a huge problem at his college with the football team. A major sex scandal a few years back. They shut down the program, completely nuked any football for a few

years, and allowed those who were on an athletic scholarship to transfer elsewhere. He chose to come here.” “For you,” Jo said deadpan. I couldn’t hide from the truth, no matter how I’d avoided it for the past two years. “For me. He’s never outright said it, but-” Jo cut in with a sharp huff. “-If he came here for you, why aren’t you with him? Why were you pushing him to me?” Jo was a budding therapist, doing her due diligence in stacking her class schedule so that she would be able to get into any post-graduate psychology program she wanted. She would have a field day if she knew the depth of my issues. I fidgeted with the paper my sandwich had been wrapped in. “I don’t believe in love and happily ever after. I don’t want to rely on a man and just have him fuck me up. I don’t want to be weak.” Jo’s anger morphed into surprise. “What about needle-dick from the gym? I thought you were in love with him.”

I wrinkled my nose. That ass-face had been such a waste of my time. “No, he was fun. I was hurt and pissed that he lied to me and was married. I don’t like being lied to.” “That’s rich right now coming from you, Mia,” Jo said sharply. I flinched. Score a point for Jo, but I’d deserved it. Jo unwrapped her arms and fanned her fingers through her short purple-and-brown hair. “If you don’t want Regi, why were you so pissed about him hooking up with Licia? And what the fuck is up with her? She didn’t even look like your little sister anymore.” Jo had met Licia once a few years ago, when I’d taken her back home to celebrate Licia’s quinceanera. That party had been the one thing mom had done right for Licia. There’d been bitterness and anger at fifteen, yes, but not the blatant hostility Licia had shown last night. “It just…startled me is all,” I muttered. “Bullshit, Mia. That was more than startled. You looked as if the Grim Reaper had hopped up

and said boo. You were destroyed.” I shook my head. Even though she was right. The pain of seeing Licia and Regi together had knocked me flat; a solid K.O of my emotions. “I don’t want to be with him.” Jo tilted her head. There was a slight smile replacing the anger I’d seen. “I get it now.” I looked up at her through my lashes. She had her “therapist” face on. “Don’t shrink me, Jo. I hate when you do that.” She shrugged. “Maybe, but you’re going to listen anyway. What you’re doing is fucked up. Not to just him, trying to shove him onto other women and hoping he moves on. But to you too. You need to get yourself together. You need to decide. Either give the two of you a chance or cut him out. Completely. No hanging on and doing this “we can be friends” dance. Love him, or leave him.” I stared at Jo. Her confidence when she talked about matters of the heart, at least when it concerned everyone but her, shone through. It dazzled me. “What about him and Licia,” I managed.

“Oh please. Do you really think if he’d known she was your sister he’d ever have touched her with a ten-foot pole? You heard him last night. I kind of think he’s a bit more of the victim here than her or even you. You’ve been a bitch to him, Mia. Stop it.” Jo’s assessment cut me to the quick. She usually didn’t call me on my bullshit. I squirmed as she looked at me in a new way. I wasn’t sure I liked it, but the masks were off; the rose-colored glasses destroyed. For better or worse, Jo saw the real me now. What was I going to do? Could I let Regi go? Could I completely shove him out of my life? My heart seized and sent a fresh wave of grief through me. My mind said yes. My heart said fuck no. I was screwed.

REGI

MY DAY WAS A WASH. MY PRODUCTIVITY HAD BEEN conquered by thoughts of Mia, and the colossal fuck-up with Licia. I couldn’t focus in any of my classes. The only way I was going to get through the evening was either working out my frustration, finding a girl to fuck, or crawling into the bottom of a bottle of Captain. None of those appealed. My nuts pulled into my body at the thought of touching someone else in the wake of the pain I’d seen in Mia’s eyes. I

wasn’t a booze hound, and with the low-grade hangover I’d had all day, I didn’t want a repeat. Which left exercising myself into a coma. After classes finished for the day, I changed clothes. I always kept a spare in my car. Though I preferred going to the gym Kevin worked at, today I didn’t want the gym bunnies in my way. So, I went way off the reservation and hit the indoor University track. A few other athletes were running the circuit, but they were zoned out. I joined them, stuffing my ear-buds in and cranking a loud, angry beat. Then I ran. I ran as if I could shake the memories which plagued me. I ran as if a thousand laps around the track would exhaust Mia from my mind. I ran until my body screamed, my heart throbbed, and adrenaline filled me with peace. I lost track of how many circuits I’d run when I noticed a familiar form waiting on one of the turns. She sat on the bleachers, her pink jacket off and spread across her legs, watching me with her chin

propped in her hands. What was Jo doing here? A sick pit opened in my stomach. After the events of the evening, I knew whatever she had to say I surely deserved. I asked her out on a date, and then gotten head from another girl. I slowed my pace as I reached the loop, and swung over towards her. Lifting my shirt, I rubbed my face dry of the sweat which dripped down off my head and hair, and then pulled out my earbuds, quelling the music. “Hey.” Jo’s eyes skipped down my body and then back up. The quick glance was a reminder she’d once found me attractive. One dark brow winged towards her two-toned hair. “Hi, Regi.” She didn’t appear angry. Only curious. I wasn’t going to let my guard down, though. “Why are you here?” “We need to talk. Take a seat.” She nodded at the bleacher beside her. I hesitated and then heaved a sigh and sat. “I’m sorry about last night. It was pretty fucked up for

you to walk in on me getting head when we were supposed to be hanging out.” Jo shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah it was, but that’s not why I’m here.” I wrinkled my brow. “If you don’t want an apology, then?” “I had a really long talk with Mia. About you and her.” My heart rolled over in my chest. “Me and her? There’s no me and her.” Jo’s sigh was as sharp as her words. “Cut the crap. I know about you two and high school.” Fuck. I almost forgot to breathe. “She admitted it. To you?” “Mmhmm. Why do you look so shocked?” I was having a difficult time absorbing the fact that Mia had admitted there had once been an "us”. “She’s denied it to anyone and everyone who even caught a whiff of something going on between us. Ever since high school. Shit, Jo, she wouldn’t even go to prom with me. I fucking had to beg and she still said no.” “Well, I gave her some advice. And I’m going

to give you some advice.” “Why are you meddling, especially after… everything.” My question hung in the air, hearkening back to the whole year where she’d chased me. Back to both Mia and I lying by omission to Jo. Jo twisted towards me. Her big brown eyes searched my face. “Because I love Mia. Even though she really fucked up, I can see why she did it. I don’t know why she is such a commitmentphobe, but I understand that there is some dark fucked up thing in her past that is making her run like a lunatic. I just went through this with Kevin. Until you two get shit right, think of me as your fairy godmother or a meddling matchmaker.” My brain whirred trying to process that. What sort of thing was Kevin hiding? Was that what the lynchpin was between Jo and Kevin earlier in the week? It wasn’t my place to pry, but human nature made me curious. Though the idea of her playing matchmaker scared the fuck out of me. From what I knew of Jo in the classes we shared and the occasional hangouts at the Alehouse, she was

tenacious. She wouldn’t quit until one of us were married off. I gently teased her, trying to ease the tension snaking down my shoulders. “You’re a professional now, huh? Are you going to charge me for this matchmaking service?” Her gaze bored into mine. Obviously, she wasn’t in a joking mood. “This is what I’m going to college for. I might not be a doctor, yet, but helping people like you with their sexual hang-ups is a big motivator in my life. Back in the day, they called it matchmaking and meddling, now I’m going to get a doctorate to fix people’s relationships. And you two are my first clients. Aren’t you just thrilled?” I flinched. Damn, she was going for my balls with this conversation. “I don’t have any sexual issues.” “Oh, bull. That’s why you’ve been a legit manwhore since you moved here?” Her arched eyebrow dared me to deny it. I looked away. It wasn’t really a sexual issue, perse, but a matter of the love of my life leading

me on a merry chase. Jo’s voice gentled. “Yeah. That’s what I thought. I told Mia to either love you or leave you. I know you are completely crazy about her. You hide it well, but now that I know where to look, I see it. But you’re not helping your position by fucking around and leaving a string of broken hearts behind you. It’s cruel. You can’t visit the hurt Mia caused you onto other people.” Fuck. Jo was right. I squirmed as if I’d been caught with my hand in a fucking cookie jar. “What do you suggest I do then, Doctor Miller?” Jo snorted and wrinkled her nose at me. “You need to stop sticking your dick into anything that moves, and make amends to the girls you’ve hurt.” Fuck. That was a long list. I scrubbed at my nape. “What else?” “Then, you’re going to woo Mia and show her how much you really love her.” My shoulders sagged. Jo sounded so sure, showing up as if she had the answer. “Don’t you think I have?” “You begged her to go to prom with you and

she said no, right?” “Yeah.” Jo tilted her head. “Did you ever think maybe she didn’t want to do the whole cliché prom thing, and if you’d suggested an alternative she might have gone with you?” Shit, I’d never considered that. I shook my head. “You’re thinking of only what you want. Start thinking of what she wants to. Show her how good you can be together.” “Is that what Kevin did with you,” I asked quietly. Her smile was bright enough to blind. “Yeah. That’s exactly what he did.” Jo yanked on her coat and fluffed her hair out over the collar. “I want Mia to be happy. You deserve it too. If you two aren’t happy together, then let her go.” My stomach knotted. “I’ve loved her for five years, Jo. It’s just been her. Do you think…” I swallowed trying to dislodge the question sticking in my throat. Finally, I shoved it free. “Do you

think she’ll forgive me for Licia?” Jo stepped down onto the track. The pebbled rubber surface muted her footfalls. I stood up, looming over her and trying not to. I hunched my shoulders. She laid her hand on my bicep and gave it a squeeze. “I don’t think she really blames you for it. Other girls might. They may want to see you grovel, and beg, and still kick you to the curb. Maybe talk to Licia too. Clear the air that you wouldn’t do that to Mia. Especially if you’d known. That’s a long time to love someone, Regi. All I can say is…Good luck.” Jo left me to my thoughts. The weight of her words settled over me; gravity crashing in on my ears. Despite the heaviness of the conversation, a flame of hope lightened my heart. Could we really make this work? Was she willing to listen to Jo and let me in? God, hope could be so motherfucking cruel.

MIA

HOURS AFTER MY LUNCH WITH JO, I WAS FINALLY HOME. I’d stayed longer at work to finish up a request. It would have sat fine over the weekend, but I didn’t want to deal with it first thing on Monday morning. Monday’s were the devil’s day. Each one should be stricken from the calendar and buried. Trudging through the front door of my apartment, I wasn’t surprised to find it empty. Odds were that after Licia’s tour of the University of Wisconsin-Madison campus she’d went and

found herself a party. I didn’t have the energy to worry about her or any underage drinking that she might get into. I wasn’t her mother. I didn’t want to be her mother. There was a slack-ass woman back in Shullsburg who owned that title and was failing miserably at the job. Usually, I wasn’t so exhausted after a work day. But I’d been buried under the emotional upheaval of Regi and Jo. I was unworthy of her help, but she’d given me a lot to think about after our lunch. Tossing my coat across the coffee table without a care, I sank onto the couch and dropped my purse beside me. Licia hadn’t folded up the blanket or put the pillow away. A few crusty dishes and two empty water bottles sat on the end table, and a growing pile of dirty clothes grew like black fungus from her weekend bag. I tried to muster up a surge of annoyance. No fucks given. I should care that she was turning my rather orderly house into a pigsty, but I couldn’t muster the outrage.

Weariness gnawed on my bones. I dropped my head against the couch and closed my eyes, letting the quiet surrounding me sink in. I wanted to sleep the weekend away. It occurred to me that moping around was exactly what I would have done if Licia hadn’t shown up. The soft buzz of an incoming text vibrated my phone. Cracking an eye open, I glanced at my purse. I was tempted to ignore it, but with Licia who knows where, I knew I shouldn’t. I unzipped my tote and pulled my cell out. I wasn’t expecting the name that met my eyes. At least not for a while. Regi. It usually took him a week to get over my rejection before re-opening the lines of communication. Though what had transpired between us was more than simple rejection. It had been a damn drama atom bomb. Regi: We need to talk this out. Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I considered if I should answer him. He was right. Jo was right. We needed to finish this thing between us; stake it, salt the earth, and be done

with it. Curiosity got the better of me as it always did with Regi, and I replied. Me: Do you think talking will change anything? Regi: It’s better than what we’ve been doing. I sighed. Damn the man for being right. The truth of his words filled me, towing along a surge of guilt for how I’d treated him. I was so fucked up. I sounded like a damn broken record yet, spinning ‘round and ‘round with the same message. I owed him so many apologies for stringing him along. But, did I want more from him? Did I want to try a relationship? The thought fucking terrified me. Five minutes passed as I thought about what I wanted to say to him. Regi: Still there? I opted for the bald-faced truth. Me: Yes. I don’t know what to say. Regi: Whatever you want to say shouldn’t

be in text. Can I come over? My body clenched with a pulse of lust. No matter how much I tried to deny it, I wanted Regi on a purely physical level. Having him in my apartment, the two of us alone would end up with neither of us talking. In fact, I wasn’t entirely sure I wouldn’t meet him at the door naked. He never could resist my breasts. I’d be topless, and pull him inside, and then bend over the table and have his giant… I shook the fantasy away. It’d been too long since I’d come. I would have to remedy that if I wanted to have a normal conversation with Regi. I couldn’t invite him into my bed only to cut him out of my life. Me: That’s a really bad idea. Regi: Why is that a bad idea? I narrowed my eyes at the text. The insufferable man knew. He just wanted me to say it. Well, type it. I shifted on the couch, ignoring the heat building between my thighs and the memory of his big, hard body looming over mine. I’d kicked him out of my bed a year ago, and while I had a few sexual

experiences since, none could replace the big guy. He was still the best lover I had ever had. Me: You know why. Regi: Maybe. Tell me. My throat grew dry. I could hear his voice, and those deep gravelly whisperers he used when he growled his commands into my ears. My nipples hardened, turning into aching points thrusting against my blouse. I rolled my finger over one, stifling my moan. Me: I want you. Me: Even after everything, I crave you. Me: I fucking hate it. My fingers flew over the touch screen like machine gun fire. Me: I should be pissed about you and Licia, but I know that wasn’t your fault. Me: She was just a quick no-name bar hookup, and you fell into the honey trap. Me: And despite it all, if you were here right now I’d be writhing on your cock. Me: I hate it.

Me: I don’t even know if I forgive you. I shuddered at my confession. Though was it really a confession? Regi knew I was conflicted, knew I was addicted to him and had been trying to kick the habit — him — for years. I crossed my legs and ground my pussy against my thigh. I was wet. His replies came through like molasses dripping from a bottle; dark, slow and sweet. Regi: I know you do. Regi: I know you can’t forgive me. Not yet, at least. Regi: But I also know your tight little pussy is already slick and hot for me. Regi: And that you want me to fuck you until you can’t walk. Regi: How long has it been since you’ve come screaming? Regi: I know what you need. Regi: You want me to shove you into the pillows and pull your ass up. Regi: And then fuck you until your toes curl

and body aches. Fuck. I whimpered and closed my eyes, blocking out the dirty words written in black and white. My pulse sped through my veins, the fast tempo giving me a lusty adrenaline rush. My phone buzzed again. Regi: But I’m not going to fuck you, Mia. You only want me for my body. I want all of you. My hands shook, and it took longer to reply than it should have. Me: I know you do. Regi: So, give it to me. All of you. Heart. Soul. Body. The lust I’d been feeling burned off in a sudden rush of tears. My eyes filled, and I blinked them back before they could fall. He’d been chasing me for five years. I’d been beyond cruel to him, and he still wanted me. My lower lip trembled. Could I do this with him? Should I? Could I forgive him for hooking up with Licia? Was I mature enough to not blame him for her trick? Could we start over, a clean slate without our history chaining us down? Or we having a Sisyphus moment, pushing this

boulder up the hill only to get crushed by it? Mia: I’m scared. Regi: I know you are, baby. I know. Trust me. I won’t ever hurt you. I rubbed my thumb over the keypad, a mental game of Russian Roulette spun inside my head. Yes or no. No or yes. Around and around the questions turned, until I gave in and let the hope suck me under. Mia: Okay. How about tomorrow? Regi: Is this a date? His hope poured through the phone. Four words, but I could almost feel the excitement. The ice around my heart thawed, and maybe some of the damage was healed because I was smiling as I replied to him. Mia: Yes. A small pinhole opened in the armament guarding my emotions, allowing Regi to make his move.

REGI

NOT EVEN THE BALL-SHRINKING COLD FROZE MY JOY AS I sat in my car. I was keyed up, tapping out a discordant drum solo on the dash with my fingers. Every time a car pulled into the lot, I darted a glance towards it, perking up like a startled mole; blinded by the light but still looking. I was waiting on Mia to arrive at the wine bar she’d chosen to meet at in downtown Madison. To say I was looking forward to seeing her was an understatement. Though I nurtured a deep-rooted

fear that she’d stand me up. I wouldn’t put it past her. She’d trained me over the years with her rejection. Sleep eluded me last night once I’d put the phone away. Somehow, I resisted the urge and didn’t send her any lewder texts. I knew I could get under the sheets with Mia. But that wasn’t enough. Not anymore. For the past few years, I lived in a hedonistic thrall, fucking anything and everything with a hole. Girl, guy. I didn’t discriminate. In the dark, most mouths felt the same. But I was dead inside, drifting from one sexual fix to another. Now, I felt alive, crackling with energy and nourished by optimism. I was going to get under Mia’s skin, into her heart, and let her soul learn mine. It was about fucking time we handled what was between us like two mature adults. Instead of acting like scared teenagers heading off into the big bad world. Waking up today felt like dreaming. After five fucking years, Mia was going on a date with me. In all that time, mostly during our brief romance at the end of high school, there’d been just one. That

experience became the foundation of every date since. The ideal of what I wanted, and never found; a smoky dream drifting on the periphery of my life in tantalizing perfection. We’d spent the whole day wrapped up in blankets in front of a fire at a bed and breakfast a couple towns over. We’d both been eighteen, and had been able to rent a room for the day. Just talking. Living. Loving. That date had proved to me that what I felt for Mia was true. Even though it complicated the fuck out of life. I’d already signed away my future to Penn State. She was staying in Wisconsin. I knew that night, staring into her face and drinking up the happiness show showed me, that she was who I wanted to grow old with. At eighteen I’d known, and that truth hadn’t been shaken. Even as she’d pushed and shoved me. Her denials of any sort of future with me excised chunks of my heart until I’d become a fucking Grinch with a heart way too small. The number of wounded women in my past shamed me. But Jo was right. If I wanted a fresh slate with

Mia, I would need to make amends for my manwhore ways. This was the beginning of a new chapter. If I didn’t fuck it up. If Mia didn’t turn skittish again. I felt like a teenager again instead of the grown-ass man I was supposed to be. My brain was a tilt-a-whirl of what ifs, spinning around and around until I was dizzy with hope and dread. Finally, at five minutes to the hour, a familiar black car pulled into the lot. Mia’s eyes connected with mine through the windshield as she slowed to a crawl, and then swung into a spot a few cars away. Brushing my hand over my hair, I squinted in the side mirror, making sure I looked passable, and then climbed out. The cold didn’t deter me as I stood in the middle of the parking lot, hands stuffed in my jacket pockets, and watching Mia fumble around with her purse. Then the door opened and she stepped out. The hem of her jacket swished at her ankles, revealing a pair of catch me fuck me boots. Tight leggings gripped her plump thighs, and a sexy black shirt shimmered beneath the light. I

should scold her for having her coat unzipped, but I enjoyed the view as she strode towards me. I wanted to grab her by the waist, haul her up, and feel the heels drill into my thighs as I jackhammered her into a wall. She paused within arms distance. Her lashes fluttered as she looked down, avoiding my eyes. “Hi.” Damn. This was awkward. I frowned and moved into her personal space. Tucking my fingers against her chin, I nudged her head up. “Hey, yourself.” “Regi,” she whispered. What was she going to say? Don’t? This is wrong? Hell, no. I’d gotten this far, she wasn’t running again. Her plush garnet-red lips begged me to take a taste. Who was I to resist? I stole a kiss like a thief running away with a priceless treasure. Her breath sputtered across my mouth, surprise granting me deeper access to her lips. And I took it. I kissed her like a man possessed, and put every ounce of love and angst I’d felt. My tongue slipped past her teeth, curled around hers, and staked a

slippery claim. I wouldn't let Mia get away this time. If I had to chain her ass to the bed and fuck her into a coma 24/7, so be it. She was mine. It was about time she understood that.

**

MIA SAT beside me on a low-backed velvet loveseat swirling a glass of wine. We each had a flight of tasters paired with chocolate truffles. The chocolate wasn’t nearly as delectable as my girl. My mouth still tingled from the kiss I’d laid on her. Her mouth was naked, and she hadn’t reapplied her lipstick. One kiss, and I had made her forget. But her outfit was making me lose my train of thought. How many times had I eye-fucked her already? Mia had poured herself into a form-fitting

black top with a keyhole design. It was just enough of a tease that I found my attention drawn down to that little slice of flesh and the hint of her abundant cleavage. Damn. How was I supposed to hold a conversation when I wanted to hook my finger into that slit and pull it down? “What do you think of this one?” She could have been offering me coal I paid scant attention to the dessert. Dutifully I took a bite, allowing the chocolate and sea salt to melt over my taste buds. “It would be better with a kiss.” Mia sank her teeth into the truffle and slanted me an arched look. “You already stole your kiss, you haven’t earned another one.” She had me there. I flashed her a boyish grin. She rolled her eyes and sipped her wine. “You think you’re so charming.” “You can pretend to be immune, but I know you’re not.” I swished a dark burgundy red in my glass and then drew in a small sip. Chocolate and wine were suggested to enhance brain power. Not that it would help me right now. All I could think

about was getting a taste of Mia’s coppery skin. Of sliding my hand over her ass, and watching her eyes glaze over as I fucked her. Better yet, spreading her thick thighs and getting her melting on my tongue. “Mmm, and how do you know I’m not?” That look again. She’d perfected the crooked eyebrow. “Because your hand is shaking.” I didn’t disguise my grin. She blinked down at her trembling fingers and laughed despite herself. “Damn, you’re right.” The ice broke between us, and so did the awkward tension. Suddenly it was just the two of us. How it was meant to be. Without walls or small talk. “Why are you nervous?” “Isn’t it obvious? I’ve never done this.” Her hips pivoted, and her body language changed. Before she’d been closed off, now with her knees pointing toward my thigh, she opened herself up to me. My heart thumped in my chest, encouraging warmth to spread into my extremities. The toasty sensation was helped by the expensive wine in my

gut. “Not once?” I found it hard to believe that she’d never dated. I knew she didn’t want to date me, but I hadn’t realized she’d pushed everyone away. It struck me as kind of lonely. Though, wasn’t I in the same boat? I fucked around, but didn’t date. What a mess we’d made of each other. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and tucked her into my side. She stiffened, preparing herself to pull away and shun me. Then she slowly allowed herself to relax in my arms. “No,” she looked down into her glass with a subtle shake of her head. “You were my first and last date, Regi.” “Oh, angel,” I said. I wanted to take her pain away and carry it for her. “Will you let me in one of these days, tell me what led you to think you could be an island?” Her lashes trembled, and her wine-stained mouth twisted subtly as if she tasted something sour. “My dad.” I knew he’d left when she’d been young. Did

she blame herself for his abandonment? I stayed quiet, almost seeing the gears working in her head. She crossed her legs and tried for a flippant tone. Underneath, though, was a chasm of unresolved hurt. “He wasn’t a great one when he was around. He could have been the spokesperson for how not to be a partner and father. They never married, but mom really wanted to. He wasn’t nice when he told her he’d never spend money on a ring for a woman like her.” She hadn’t straightened her hair like she often did, and I stroked one of the midnight-black curls. Her next confession shocked me. “My mom tried to kill herself after he left. I found her.” She didn’t look at me as she took a deep swallow of her wine. I paused, absorbing the hurt she’d just shared with me. “You know that’s not your fault.” “Sometimes I do. Other times I think about what she said afterward.” Her lips curled into a self-deprecating smile. “I was only nine.” “Christ, Mia.” I pulled her close and buried my lips into her hair.

She closed her eyes and allowed me to hold her. “I have a world of hurt inside me, Regi. Are you sure you want on this crazy train?” The shadows in her eyes expected me to pull away, and leave her bereft as her family had. “I’m not going anywhere, angel. There is nothing you can do or say that will send me running. And even if you run, I’ll be right there behind you. Watching over you. Keeping you safe, and hoping you’ll let me in.” Light reflected oddly in Mia’s eyes, the bistrebrown color as rich and varied as the mahogany table in front of us; a play of shadow and color that almost looked like the glimmer of tears. She leaned close with the promise of a kiss shaping her lips. “You might just have to.” Desire flamed through me, as potent as a morphine drip shaking up my senses. I’d gotten hooked on Mia young, and now that she was giving me a chance? I didn’t want to quit her.

MIA

REGI’S ARMS TIGHTENED AROUND MY SHOULDERS, pulling me closer, flush and intimate so that not even breath lingered in the spaces where our bodies didn’t touch. Due to the way the booth curved, and the quiet, low-lit ambiance of the wine bar, it felt as if we were the only two people in the whole world; safe and secure in an impenetrable bubble. For a second first date, it was kind of spectacular. I scooted closer, almost sitting in

Regi’s lap. Hunger fired in his eyes like fireworks across the night sky. He’d earned his second kiss. I wanted him to earn a whole lot more. Maybe I would let him slip my pants down, or even follow me into the lady’s bathroom. I’d never had sex in public, but the idea intrigued me. My nose brushed his. A sudden buzz vibrated my purse. Damn, I should have put my phone on mute. I ignored it, flicking the soft leather cross body an annoyed look, and returned to the sienna pull of Regi’s gaze. I’d forgotten how easy it was to drown in his eyes. His mouth lowered towards mine. I almost tasted him on my tongue. He’d shocked me with his earlier claiming. Now, I was ready to introduce my mouth to Regi’s. His finger twisted my hair around his knuckle, urging me closer. “I’ve known you were mine since I first met you. It was never a summer fling to me.” His confession warmed my heart, thawing the hoarfrost that had iced me up since dad left.

My phone buzzed again, and I wanted to chuck my purse across the restaurant. Then the vibrations went into seizures as at least ten text messages had my purse vibrating to the edge of the table like it was doing the cha-cha. I pulled away with an aggravated sigh. The damn thing popped our bubble, dragging me back to the present and the patrons socializing around me. “Jesus. Hold on, let me see what the hell that was about.” Regi nodded and eased back, his attention on the deep burgundy Merlot welled at the bottom of his wine glass. I bit my lip, quietly cursing my cell. Why hadn’t I turned it to silent? Did I want some stupid thing like a text bomb to interrupt me? Yanking my purse open, I grabbed my phone and tapped the screen. Licia: I need you. Licia: Mia, please. Licia: Help me. My sister’s plea spammed my message box. Dread coalesced inside of me, as weighty as

cement. I jerked upright. “I need to go.” What had happened? Fuck, please God let Licia be alright. I leapt up from the booth. Regi caught my wrist as I turned. “Mia.” “I need to go, Licia is in trouble.” I tugged on my arm. “I understand that,” he said. His voice was a soothing baritone talking me down from the flightor-fight panic which held me in its fist. “Let me help.” I held his eyes. Confusion blasted through me. “I…” Regi inched to the edge of the booth, the leather squeaking a reprisal against the motion. “Let me in.” His plea filled the dark, abandoned spaces inside of me. Tears welled in my eyes, and I blinked them away with a curt nod. “Alright.” Regi paid for our bill as I struggled into my jacket and replied to Licia. No matter how twisted and angry our relationship was, she was my sister. I would walk over hot coals for her.

Me: Where are you? Regi held my elbow and guided me out of the restaurant as I willed my sister to respond. I was running on autopilot as he tucked me into the front seat of his car. Both of us waited silently to see where we needed to go, and what we had to do. Finally, her answer came. Licia: Frat party in Eagle Heights. Hurry. “Do you know where fraternity row is in Eagle Heights?” God. What was Mia doing at a frat party alone? No matter how she might act, she was still an eighteen-year-old. I was a fucking horrible sister for letting her go out by herself. “Yes. Buckle up.” I was on edge the entire duration of the tenminute ride out of Madison and toward the offcampus housing. No matter how many texts I sent back to Licia, she didn’t respond. Every mile had me offering wordless prayers to whoever might be watching over her that the night would end with all of us emerging unscathed. Finally, the familiar silhouettes of the massive houses came into view. It didn’t take more than a

quick ride down the main street to find a party in full swing. Regi barely had the car parked before I was bolting out the door. Music filled the frosty night, and a few college kids were milling about in the cold, weaving and drunk off their asses and hoping a cold snap would get them through the night. The balcony above the central doors overflowed with partiers. What looked like toilet paper was strung over the wrought iron railing and fluttered in the wintery breeze. I nearly skidded up the flagstone walkway and into the huge brick house. It wasn’t a fraternity, I knew by the absence of the Greek letters missing off the front. But being that it was on Frat Row, that worried me. Either it was a new Greek house, or a disbarred one. And the latter was never a good place for a girl alone. House parties were a mixed bag. I’d attended a dozen of them during my college career. But never alone. As a girl, it was too fucking dangerous to go alone to any party. I whipped out my phone. Me: I’m here. Where are you?

Her silence ate at me. I didn’t know where to look first. There were so many people packed into the rooms. By need, frat houses were the love child of dormitories and mansions. The average fraternity house had eight bedrooms, a massive communal bathroom, a couple powder rooms and Jack and Jill bathrooms, and other multi-purpose areas like the basement, attic, and storage space. I wasn’t gentle as I pushed through a group of co-eds crowding the areas between the living room and the palatial-sized dining room. I would tear this house down to the foundation if need be. An elbow found my side as I broke around a group of frat boys. I grunted against the burst of pain, but kept moving. The music was deafening as I navigated toward the kitchen. Still, no Licia. A few people waved hello at me, but they left me alone. Probably due to the fury and fear blanching my face. Regi caught up with me as I completed the circle and wound up back in the massive hallway. “She’s not on the first floor,” I whispered.

I darted a look up towards the curving stairs that led to the second floor and the smaller stairwell near the kitchen which shot down to the lower level. I closed my eyes. Would I find her in time? The house was fucking huge to search through without any idea of where to begin. Anger tightened Regi’s jaw. “Let’s go upstairs. The bedrooms are up there.” I couldn’t think of Licia in a bedroom. I mean, after having seen how she’d lured Regi in I knew my little sister wasn’t chaste. But if she was sending texts for help, her being in a bedroom wasn’t of her own free will. I bull dozed people out of my way, working my way through the zig-zag of space as I climbed the crowded stairs. A beer spilled down my sleeve as I jostled a guy and a girl. “Bitch,” someone called after me. They weren’t worth a middle finger salute. Not when I’d finally reached the first landing. There were so many shuttered doors. I knew the hook-up culture of college. I’d done my share of bed hopping, drunk or high or both. But I was

never coerced nor did I regret the shenanigans I got into. This was different, and it made me want to scream and rage. Had some frat asshole drugged my sister and led her into one of them? Or was it worse than that? Had he forced her? Hell, to the fuck, no. The first two bedrooms were empty. I banged the door to the third one open. A half-naked guy jerked up from a girl beneath him as I barged into the room. His face had been between her thighs. While he still had his pants on, it was obvious I’d interrupted a hook-up in session. He wiped at his mouth. “Fuck off, we’re occupied.” “Sorry,” I muttered and shut the door. Then, I paused. Something wasn’t right. I braced my hand on the wall trying to sort through the quick flash of the two I’d got. I opened the door again and frowned. I didn’t care about the guy. He was just another frat-boy asshole with prissy hair and scrawny muscles. But the girl beneath him?

She triggered my mental alarm. She hadn’t moved a muscle either times I opened the door. Her blonde hair was sifted over her face like a snowdrift, arms limp at her sides, thighs wide from where he’d been between them. My eyes widened. This situation was all wrong. “What the fuck are you doing?” I snapped at the guy. I stalked into the room. Regi moved in behind me. “We’re busy,” the guy said. He shoved his floppy brown hair off his forehead. “What I see is you trying to fuck around with an unconscious girl.” I could barely breathe through the anger building in my chest. How dare he. How fucking dare he. He was a cog in the machine of why so many girls were afraid of being alone. Why the statistics of sexual assaults on campus were astronomically high. Why my motherfucking sister was somewhere in this house having who knows what done to her. The guy’s eyes narrowed. His face tightened into a mean mask. Then he caught sight of Regi. If I’d been alone he’d have probably punched me, or

something else. Revulsion slithered through my bowels. “She’s into it.” Yeah. I didn’t think so. “Hey chick, are you okay?” I called to the girl. Silence. Oh, fuck no. I stomped into the bedroom as fast as high heels allowed, and shoved the shirtless dick-head. “Get the fuck away from her.” The guy held his hands up and backed away. It wasn’t me he was afraid of, but the hulk behind me menacing him with a glare. I was suddenly thankful Regi had asked to help. The girl was still mostly dressed. Her shirt was unbuttoned and sloped down her arms. Her bra was undone, exposing a hint of nipple, and her skirt was tucked up around her waist. But her panties were missing. Shit. That wasn’t good. He’d obviously been going down on her, but had more happened? Brushing her hair aside, I gasped. “Angela.” Shock and anger stole my breath. If I

wasn’t worried about Angela, I would be over there wailing on the asshole. Jo’s roommate was completely out of it. From what I knew of her, she was a lightweight. She never. Ever. Ever. Drank enough to pass out. I pinned the would-be rapist with a glare. “What did you give her?” He shifted uneasily on his bare feet. “Nothing.” Regi was suddenly right there, getting in the cretin’s face. He had at least five inches and fifty pounds of solid muscle on the asshole. His fingers clamped on the guy's throat and shook him; a pit bull shaking the shit out of a poodle. “What the fuck did you give her?” The guy jerked in Regi’s grip. Regi didn’t let him go. “She just drank too much,” he whined. “Bullshit,” I screamed at him. “She doesn’t drink like that.” My hands shook as I arranged Angela’s clothing, trying to button her blouse up as best as I could. Was Licia in this same situation? Was my taking care of Angela leaving my little sister to be

prey? My eyes burned, and I barely held back the tears which threatened to fall. “I will beat you until you are begging for mercy. Tell me, and you may live to see your next birthday.” Regi’s voice dripped poison. I shuddered, completely believing him that he would end the fuck-head tonight. So did the guy. “I slipped her an X-tab.” I had no clue what that was. The meaty thud of a fist connecting with a human body turned my head. The guy was on the ground, holding his stomach and retching on the floor. Regi kicked him, and I flinched. Not because I was upset about it, but it was just that hard and vicious I had a visceral reaction. The dude stopped moving. I turned away. The violence didn’t bother me. Asshole deserved a whole lot more. I looked up at Regi. “Will she be okay?” Regi glared down at the unconscious dude. His hands clenched into fists. Being that he was premed he would know what the hell the guy was

talking about. At least I hoped. “She’ll be out of it for the next 24-hours. He slipped her a high dose of a Benzodiazepine. Likely a generic form of Xanax. Everyone thinks of Rohypnol when they talk about date rape, but an X-tab is more common. It’s easier to get.” I closed my eyes. God. Licia. “Regi,” I whispered, the confusion and choices I was facing cracked my voice. I couldn’t leave Angela, and I couldn’t find Licia. Regi knelt beside Angela and me on the bed. “I’ll find her,” he whispered and kissed me hard. I fucking bawled as he left the bedroom, his heavy footsteps receding as he went on a rampage — bull in china shop style — through the frat house. My face was soaked by my deluge of tears. The jerk-off wheezed on the ground letting me know he was still alive. I needed to call the cops, but not until Licia was safe. What a cluster fuck. If they found her on the premises she’d get tagged for underage drinking, whether she was

really drinking or not. It would be a huge mark against her admissibility to college. How was I going to get Licia and Angela out of here? Regi could carry one, but not both. Minutes crept by as I swallowed my tears. Angela hadn’t moved, but I didn’t dare leave her. Even as every fiber in my being demanded I go search for my sister. I fucking hated men some days. Tonight, was one such time. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Regi returned cradling Licia. Her blonde head was propped limply against his shoulder. He didn’t even give me a chance to ask my questions as I sprung up from the bed. “She’ll be okay. She locked herself in a bathroom.” I sagged back onto the mattress in relief. “How are we going to get Angela out of here.” “I saw someone I know downstairs. I’ll grab him.” Regi laid Licia down beside Angela. Seeing them both unconscious at the hands of some

needle-dick ass-hat made me want to go on a carnage spree. I eyed the inert man with vengeance burning in my blood and drying my tears. It only seemed that Regi was gone for a second when he returned with a guy I faintly recognized, but couldn’t place his name. Regi tipped his head. “Jackson Mia, Mia Jackson.” I nodded at him but didn’t give a fuck who he was. If he helped us get the two girls out of here, he was aces in my book. Jackson took one look at the situation and exploded with anger. “What the fuck is going on here?” How was he so clueless? He’d been at the party the whole night. “Someone is slipping date rape drugs to the girls at the party,” Regi said. “Fuck,” Jackson said. He looked angry, but there was something more in the look. Guilt? I couldn’t focus on it. “Will you grab Angela?” Regi gently scooped Licia back up, cradling her carefully.

My gaze locked on them. The moment sputtered for me, moving in slow motion. In a flash, a quick fleeting moment, I knew someday Regi would be a good father. He tucked Licia’s head into his shoulder as if she were a child and swiftly left the room. Jackson paused, probably wondering if I was going to slug him. I knew I had my resting bitch face on. I was so spitting mad, I shook with the force of my anger. He leaned around me and grabbed Angela. With more care than I’d have thought for a guy that looked like a damn motorcycle club try-out, his tattoos visible and obvious, his long hair a lion’s mane around his bearded face, he picked Angela up as if she were a feather. An odd expression creased his features when he stared down into Angela’s face. Then it was gone and he was carrying Angela out too. Relief and anger rode me hard, a tumultuous frenzy that wanted justice and revenge. How did no one notice what was going on? Angela might have arrived alone, just like Licia did. Perfect fodder to

be led astray. Or maybe those partying downstairs hadn’t cared. I hurried out of the house after Regi and Jackson. They’d cut a swathe through the party, leaving a wake of confused faces. Somehow, they hadn’t noticed the girls being coerced upstairs, but they sure noticed them being carried out. But no one tried to stop them. Which was what was fucking wrong with the world. I wanted to slap them, demand they stop Regi and Jackson and just ask a fucking question. The cold air didn’t dampen my fury as we reached the car. I opened the doors, and the two men gingerly tucked Licia and Angela into the back of Regi’s car. Regi had his fingers pressed against Licia’s pulse. He stared off into the distance as he counted the beats. Finally, he nodded. He did the same with Angela. For so long I’d thought of Regi as just a football player, the teenage dreamboat I’d met in high-school. But he wasn’t that anymore. He was an adult on his way to making a difference in people’s lives.

Shame flushed through me, but I couldn’t dwell on it. “I don’t think they need to go to the hospital. They may want to go after they wake up and report it, though. What do you think?” Jackson stood quietly by, his arms crossed over his chest. I gave him a brief smile in thanks and then looked at the two girls I’d saved from becoming a statistic. I closed my eyes. If I were in their shoes what would I want to be done? “Let’s take them back to my apartment and watch them,” I finally said. Was I doing the right thing for Licia and Angela? Regi tapped Jackson on the shoulder. “You probably should leave. I’ll get in touch with you later. Thanks for the help.” Pulling my phone out, I called 911 and left an anonymous tip about drugs and alcohol at the letter-less fraternity house. Regi waited until the police sirens started up the road. As the frosty night sky became washed in the swirl of blue and red neon lights, we pulled away

and went home.

REGI

IT TOOK TWO TRIPS TO CARRY LICIA AND ANGELA INTO Mia’s apartment. Mia flitted around behind me, alternating between worry and anger. I worried for her. She looked as if she were going to splinter into pieces or go find the guy who did this and cut his dick off. I winced at my thoughts. “We should have taken them to the hospital,” she said again. I didn’t disagree, but this sort of situation

wasn’t cut and dry. It was life altering. My class schedule was heavily pre-med which required a liberal dose of certain classes, like Morality and Medicine and Mind and Medicine, along with a fuckton of Biology courses. It gave me a distinct advantage to look at a problem in both scientific terms, the psychology behind it, and how to fix it. But sexual assaults weren’t just something a pre-med student knew about. It wasn’t quite an epidemic on campus, but it could be. Freshman orientation had been filled with the details, and statistics, of what constituted assault and rape. In an environment where drugs and booze flowed like water, and teenagers were suddenly free of parental guidance, bad decisions were often made. Sometimes going to the police, or making the situation public, caused more long term harm to an accuser then they were prepared to handle. It was an unfortunate reality in a society that had been groomed to blame the victim. I wasn’t about to decide for either Licia or Angela. No matter how strongly I felt about what

Mia and I had witnessed at that house party. “When they wake up we can ask them,” I said as I stood beside Mia’s bed. “Should we do anything else,” she asked. Her eyes were glued to the girls bundled under the covers. Physically they would be alright. I would bet my future Ph.D. on it. Mentally? Well, that was a whole other issue. I didn’t want to foist a decision onto them. With hospitals came the police, and with police came questions and public knowledge of what transpired. While I believed the assholes who drugged them should be charged, and beaten to within an inch of their life like the sacks of shit they were, it wasn’t my call. The drug would still be visible in any toxic-finding blood screening once they woke up; the evidence waiting until the girls could handle it. Mia didn’t look like she was going to budge. She’d stay up all night watching over her nest if I didn’t pull her away. I grabbed Mia’s hand and dragged her out of the bedroom. “There isn’t anything to do but wait. If they decide to go to the hospital or the police station

tomorrow, we’ll be there as witnesses.” Mia worried her bottom lip with her teeth, eating off the rest of her lipstick as if it were candy. “What about calling Jo?” I squeezed her hand. “When Angela wakes, we’ll call her if she wants.” Mia finally allowed me to escort her into the living room. She settled down onto the couch, and I joined her. She curled her legs beneath her. “I can’t believe that’s happening on our campus.” I stroked her palm with my fingers. “It happens everywhere.” Her fingertips twitched, and her black-painted nails grazed my knuckles. “You’re so calm. Why are you so calm about this?” “I volunteered on the campus HelpLine when I was at Penn State.” I’d never told anyone that I’d spent countless weekend nights listening to students reach out to me. I’d met a huge cross section, from those who were suicidal, others who’d had life-altering experiences both good and bad, and still others whose secrets burdened them.

“You hear a lot of things. It was anonymous, so it really allowed people to talk about their demons. Good. Bad. Ugly. When I moved here I decided not to volunteer again.” Mia blinked and turned towards me. Her thigh brushed alongside mine. “What sort of things did you talk about with those who called in?” I sighed and looked away. Those secrets I’d acquired in the darkest dredges of night stayed with you. A few blackened my soul over the cruelty humanity enacted on others. There were things I couldn’t change, and it frustrated the fuck out of me. Helping those who reached out to the HelpLine really solidified my desire to become a doctor. While I couldn’t, didn’t want, to fix someone mentally like Jo did, I could at least repair their body and give them a fighting chance to overcome their demons; mental, emotional, or physical. “Everything you can think of, and more. We, humanity as a whole, can be ugly to one another.” Mia’s voice was whisper quiet. “I had no idea you did that.”

“I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t need nor want the accolades. Volunteering for something, being charitable, isn’t about flaunting it to the public. You don’t need to announce it. When you do that, it becomes about you, and not the people you are helping.” I sucked in a breath, realizing I’d exposed more of myself to Mia then I had in a long time. Warily, I waited for her reaction. “Wow,” Mia breathed. Her fingers wove through mine. I focused on our interlocked hands. We’d touched more tonight than the past two years combined. “You do all that and you want me. I don’t understand.” The meat of our problems rose suddenly. Our relaxed conversation turned tense. I could feel her trying to withdraw, not physically, but mentally. I wouldn’t allow it. Not when I was open and raw, aching for her to share a piece of herself with me. I lifted her hand and kissed the fingertips. “I more than want you, Mia. You know how I feel about you. I always have.” I whispered my devotion into her skin, hoping she’d come to

realize the truth of my words by osmosis. “Don’t.” She shook her head vehemently. Her dark locks looked like helixes as they flew around her shoulders. “I can’t handle that right now.” “I won’t say it until you tell me it first. I won’t push you, but you need to know, must know, that this isn’t some fling for me. It never was.” I pulled her closer, shifting her body so that she was tucked into the valley of my chest and arms. Mia turned her head and buried her face in my shoulder. Her words were puffs of heat against my shirt. “I won’t say it, Regi. I can’t say it.” I pressed a kiss to her head, lingering over the sweet, sultry scent of her; sandalwood and musk combining into a more adult perfume then she’d worn when we were kids. “You will, when you accept what you feel, I’ll be here. Waiting for you like I’ve always been.” Always.

MIA

I FELL ASLEEP TUCKED INTO REGI’S ARMS. THE DRAMA of the evening had caught up with me and sapped my strength. At some point in the middle of the night, he’d moved, pulling me flush against him and stretching out on the couch. It was a cramped fit for his tall frame, but he’d made it work. I was pinned between his giant ass body and the back of the couch, with a soft fleece blanket tossed over me. Rubbing my cheek against his chest, I opened my eyes and listened to the apartment. It was after

the witching hour, but not yet dawn. There was a darkness, thick and eerily still, in the early AM hours. My eyes strained into the inky black while my foggy brain tried figuring out why I was awake so much earlier than usual. Then the noise reached me. The heartwrenching sounds of sobbing. One of the girls was awake. Regi barely moved as I crawled over him, trying not to hit his groin with a wayward knee, and then tumbled to the ground. I offered him a brief, admiring glance, drinking in the slight scruff which darkened his cheeks, and the wild appearance to his beard. Then I crept toward the bedroom. But it was the bathroom light spreading gold onto the hallway carpet which forced me to detour. I tapped lightly on the closed pine door. “Are you okay?” I didn’t know who would be answering me, or even if they would. The door quietly creaked open and I came face-to-face with Licia. Her makeup was smeared

beneath her eyes, and mascara dripping down her cheeks like a mask of sorrow. “Oh honey,” I whispered, forgetting I was supposed to be mad at her, forgetting all the vile words we’d exchanged over the years. My little sister was hurting and needed me. She dissolved into my arms, her curvy body drooping against mine. I held her close as she bawled her eyes out. She soaked my shirt, the same slinky peep-hole one I’d worn on my date with Regi. It had only been hours before, but it felt like days. I offered her soothing, nonsensical noises; motherly clucking and whispered ineligible words. It was less for her to understand me, and more for her to just feel the love in my tone. Once the worst of the tears passed, she shifted. Licia sank onto the closed toilet seat. I shuttered the door and joined her in the bathroom. “I don’t know what happened,” she said. Her eyes were glassy, the effects of the drug made her pupil appear huge. Her fingers shredded a damp tissue, twirling and knotting it around her knuckles

in an absent-minded manner. “I didn’t even drink that much.” I might have witnessed her at her worst with Regi, but she was still so damn innocent. Naive. I’d been the same way my first time away from home. I hadn’t been prepared to find the big bad wolf hiding in the bushes on a big city campus. “It’s not your fault.” She dragged her eyes away from their blank stare at the wall. “What happened?” “You sent me texts asking me to come help you. Regi found you barricaded in a bathroom.” A kick of anger heated my gut. I wanted to find the man who’d made her this fearful, rip off his balls, and feed them to him. “I remember that. I think. One of the guys got me a drink. I don’t really like the taste of beer so I was just nursing it.” She pulled a face. “I started to feel funny. By the time I got upstairs I couldn’t see straight.” As she spoke she shredded the tissue, pulling it apart and then balling it together, and then apart again.

I grabbed her hand and squeezed. “I’m not going to say it was stupid to take a drink from a guy you don’t know-” “-But it was stupid. I thought I was safe. There were so many people at the party.” Her brow crinkled, and her lower lip trembled as if she were going to cry again. “You weren’t the only one they tried to roofie.” Her eyes swam with unshed tears. “Really?” “Yeah. Jo’s roommate is in the other room. We found the both of you last night.” Her fingers relaxed slowly, dropping the tissue onto the ground. Licia’s voice was small. “Is she okay?” “Yes. Well, she’s like you. Are you okay?” I bit my cheek, searching her tear-ravaged face. She inhaled deeply. “I don’t know. Physically, yeah I feel okay.” “Do you want to go to the hospital or the police station? Do you want to report what happened?” I saw what Regi meant about not forcing a decision on her. She was delicate right now. One stiff wind may break her open. Her very foundation in the

trustworthiness of guys had been shaken. It hadn’t been rock solid, to begin with. Now, I wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to let a man past her prickly thorns. She shook her head sharply. Her eyes closed, and the tears overflowed. “No.” Her voice cracked. “No. I know I should, shouldn’t I? So that asshole can’t drug another girl. But I don’t remember what he looks like or even if he told me his name.” “I know what the guy who drugged Angela looks like. He might know who was doling out the drugs last night,” I said. She shook her head again. Her honeyed hair clung to her wet cheeks. “I can’t. If I go here next year I don’t want to be known as the girl who cried rape.” Licia’s face crumbled as she verbalized that brutal four-letter word. “Oh, my God. I was almost…” I quickly sat up, rising to my knees, and pulled her into my arms. “Shh. Shh. Let it out.” My eyes teared up as I rocked my baby sister.

Her shuddering breaths caused her to hiccup against my neck. The second crying jag didn’t last as long as the first. But this time she didn’t pull away, she just let me hug her. “I’m sorry,” Licia murmured against my chest. “For what?” I stroked my hand down her spine. Her skin was cold and clammy beneath the lowback cut of her blouse. The stink of stale beer clung to her. Or maybe it was me. I faintly remembered getting doused last night during my rampage. “I’ve been a bitch to you for…a long time.” I froze. Why was she bringing all of that up now? Didn’t she have enough emotional trauma to handle without scraping the bottom of our sistersat-odds barrel? I pulled back enough to glance into her face. Curiosity gnawed at me. “Why have you been?” She sniffled. Her nose was bright red, swollen from how hard she’d cried. She wiped her nose with the Kleenex and stared miserably down at her feet. “I was angry, jealous, scared. A lot of things. Mom is sick.”

There were no accusations in her tone, but I still flinched. Mom was sick, but not in a way medicine could cure. It was a soul-deep illness that pitted her against us. “I know.” “And you left me with her, and Dan.” God hearing that sonuvabitches name caused me to see red. Had I done right by leaving Licia with them? Doubt swelled through me. “Did he…did he ever…” I couldn’t bring myself to complete that thought, to give voice to that sickness. While I’d lived with them it had been a constant threat, a shadow which stole into our house and made us afraid in our own bedroom. She shook her head subtly. “No, you taught me how to push the chair under the handle. He never made it in. He looked, though and tried, and mom didn’t care. She’s never cared. She’s always put them before us. Dan has just lasted the longest.” “What would you have wanted me to do,” I whispered. Therein was the crux of the problem. I could have given up my future to protect my sister. Was I a horrible human being that I chose not to? That I decided the best thing for all of us was for

me to go to college, and get a decent job? Licia curled a strand of hair around her finger. Her voice was small, and for one tiny moment, she was my little sister. “I don’t know. I just didn’t want to be left behind.” I let out a small sigh. There was no good resolution. A sudden wave of exhaustion crashed over me. This weekend had been trying, and all I wanted was to just forget about it all. “Can we start over? Go back to before you and…Regi at the Alehouse. Back from before I left and you loved me.” Licia darted a surprised look up at me through her clumpy lashes. “You’d do that? You would forgive me?” Could I forgive her? If I forgave Regi, and that was a big IF, I wasn’t sure how I felt about everything, I would have to forgive her. I’d been holding onto the past, and terrible things, for far too long. I wanted free of this crushing weight of past wrongs. Still, the wound was fresh and raw. “What you did hurt me a lot,” I whispered. I was weak.

My voice quivered. Licia curled her fingers against mine. “Do you believe in karma?” I thought about Regi and all the hurt I heaped on him. “If I do, and karma is real, I have a lot of bad shit coming at me.” She grimaced. “Well, so do I. So how about right here, right now, we both decide to stop with the bad karma, and begin with the good? I would love to start over with you. I know I’d hurt you by making a move on Regi. He didn’t even hear what I was saying he was so focused on you. It really wasn’t his fault, but it is mine. And I’m sorry.” I exhaled sharply. “I don’t know if I can fully forget, but I promise I’ll work on forgiving you. I want us to be closer. I want us to have the relationship we should have had.” Licia leaned into me. Her voice was a wisp. “Thank you for saving me.” I laid my head atop Licia’s and let the walls surrounding my heart come tumbling down.

REGI

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO.” MIA STOOD BY THE FRONT door, twisting the doorknob as her sister gathered her belongings. “I know you want me to stay, but there’s a lot I have to get through. If I want to come here for school next year, I need to veg out. Besides, I have classes on Monday.” Licia slung her bag over her shoulder. Mia sighed and stepped aside. “I feel like we’ve made this amazing progress, I don’t want it

to slip away because you’re going home.” I sat quiet as a fucking church mouse on the couch while the two girls had their Hallmark moment. I don’t know what happened in the bathroom last night, but they’d both emerged holding hands and being a happy, cohesive family unit again. They spent the rest of the morning talking and bonding over cups of coffee. It gave me hope for Mia and me. Licia leaned into Mia and gave her a tight hug. “It won’t. I promise. Next year, after I bring my grades up with these courses, I’ll be here in Madison annoying the hell out of you.” “You better,” Mia said. Licia glanced my way. Today she looked like the eighteen-year-old she was, and not the sexpot hellbent on my ruin. Her hair was swept up into a ponytail, and she was fresh-faced. There was still an innocence about her that I was glad hadn’t been ruined from her first foray at a college party. I dipped my chin her way. I would never be close to her. Not after the stunt she’d pulled. But we could be cordial.

Her mouth turned with a bittersweet smile, and then she stepped out into the hallway and headed towards the elevator. Mia shut the door with a sigh. “This weekend has been…weird.” “I think that’s an understatement.” Mia shook her head and joined me on the couch. “Some of it’s a good weird, though. I never thought Licia and I would fix the problems between us. I fucking hate that she had to go through that situation, but maybe it was fate.” I urged her close, coaxing her to relax against my chest. “Maybe. I don’t know if I believe in fate and destiny, but you were there when she needed you most.” “So were you. Thank you for coming with me, and for demanding I let you drive.” Damn, be still my heart. Mia actually thanked me. I dropped my forehead against hers. “For you, I would do anything.” Mia’s eyes sparkled, and she stroked my cheek. I was sure she was going to kiss me until a half-

scream rented the morning air. Mia sat up. “Angela’s awake.” I stood first. “I’ll go check on her.” “Do you think she’ll want to see a guy after everything?” “I don’t know, but she knows me.” Mia curled her legs beneath her. Anxiety pinched her features into worried lines. “Good luck.” I didn’t know what I was going to say to Angela. It all depended on what she remembered of last night. Gingerly, I opened the door to the bedroom. Angela sat in the middle of the queen-sized bed with a wild look on her face. She jumped when the door opened. “What’s going on?” she asked when she saw me. Her voice was tremulous with fright. Sitting on the bed was probably a bad idea, so I stood beside it, palms out as if I could calm her down. “What do you remember from last night?” Angela ran her fingers through her hair, disheveling the already wild blonde strands. “I

don’t know. Where am I?” “You’re at Mia’s.” “I went to a party last night.” I nodded. “Yes, up on Eagle Heights.” “I was with a friend, but she hooked up with a guy. I didn’t really want to stay, but I was finishing my coke.” Angela bent forward at the waist and rubbed her hands over her face. “Why do I feel hungover?” “You got slipped something last night.” Angela’s head jerked up. Her cheeks, bronzed from what I could only assume was self-tanning, paled. “Wha…what happened?” Shit, this was harder than I thought it would be. I scrubbed at the back of my neck. “We found you with a guy in one of the bedrooms.” Angela stared at me as if I’d turned into a monster. Her eyes widened with horror, and her bottom lip trembled. “Was…he…was I…” I stepped closer and perched on the foot of the bed. “I don’t know.” I didn’t want to hide what happened to her. It was her right to know. So, I told her everything that we’d seen.

A tear slipped free and sluiced down her cheek as Angela closed her eyes. “I’m always so careful.” “I know you are. We didn’t want to decide for you, but if you want to go to the police, Mia and I can verify what happened.” “I just want to go home right now,” she said in a small voice. One that made me think this broke something inside of her. Angela was bold, brash, and wore her heart on her sleeve. It was what had attracted me to her initially. Never mind that she was fucking gorgeous. But she craved love like other people needed air. And I couldn’t give that to her. “We’ll call Jo,” I said. Angela nodded and curled under the covers. I stood, and then hesitated. “I wanted to say something.” Angela kept her back to me. “What?” “I’m sorry for how things happened between us.” “Things.” She laughed and it wasn’t a nice one. The bitter hurt in her voice made me feel like shit.

“You mean calling me a stage-five clinger with a stalking disease?” Fuck. I winced as she repeated the careless words I’d bandied around about her. I exhaled and sat back down. Was I making things worse by talking it out? I don’t know. But I did know she needed to know how amazing she was, and would continue to be. That whatever happened between me and her, and last night, shouldn’t change her. “Among other things, yes. I’m in love with Mia. I have been for a long fucking time. I used you, and it wasn’t right.” “You made me think we had a future.” Tears thickened her voice, and the soft sniffles as she rubbed her tears into the pillows made me feel like scum. Worse than scum. Dog shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe. “I know. I wanted a future, I wanted to get over Mia. But I never gave anyone else a chance, and I am sorry I hurt you. If I had been able to, I would have wanted it to be with you. You love fully, Angie. You deserve someone who will treat you

like a princess. Don’t let what happened last night break you. Please.” Angela shifted slightly, rubbing at the dampness faintly marking her face. She turned on her hip, staring up at me with liquid blue eyes marred by anguish. “Does any of that even matter anymore?” When I didn’t, couldn’t answer, her eyes closed. “Thank you for finding me.” I frowned. There was something off in her voice, unspoken words that I heard anyways. But it was too late. Shit. I squeezed her foot where she had it tucked beneath the blankets. “Whatever you need I’m here for you, Angie, okay?” Angela stared at me with watery eyes, but said nothing. “Let me go call Jo, and if you need me, I’m here for you.” I was conflicted as I left the bedroom. “Will you ask Jo to come pick up Angela? She wants to go home, but she may go to the police

later.” Mia chewed on her bottom lip and picked up her phone. It was a quick conversation. While I didn’t know the state of Jo and Angela’s friendship, or even if they had one, Jo was Angela’s roommate and there must be some unwritten rule that said when your roomie needs you, you come running. Within ten minutes there was a light knock on the door. Mia let Jo in, and right behind her, was Kevin. He braced his hand on Jo’s back. “Is she okay,” Jo asked. “Physically, yeah,” I said. The same answer I’d given Mia last night. “Mentally, I don’t know but I think if she needs help you’ll be able to help her.” Jo’s eyes flashed with acknowledgment. She nodded and made her way towards the bedroom with Mia. Kevin shifted in the doorway, rocking on his feet, and looking awkward as fuck. “Do you want to take a seat?” He pushed back his floppy dirty-blonde hair and shook his head. “No, we’re not staying long.

Angela will probably want to head back to the apartment, right?” I nodded. “Yeah, she’s really shaken up.” Concern strobed over Kevin’s face. “What happened?” It wasn’t my place to spill the details of Angela’s assault. So, I shrugged and left it ambiguous. If she chose to go to the police, the college campus rumor mill would churn up enough shit and rumors. “Ah, I understand.” We exchanged a look. “Assuming I think I know what happened, can the guy who did this still walk?” Kevin was my trainer at Twisted Fitness. He was also my friend, and he’d taught me how to grapple, honed my body into the damn machine it was now and supported my goals. Whether they were parading around in a speedo on stage during a fitness competition, which he thought I should do, or not. “Not without a limp for a while.” I knew I should feel bad about knocking the guy out. Violence was opposite of societies expectations.

But shit, he deserved it and worse. Kevin’s lips quirked into a lopsided smile. “Good.” We were on the same page. Jo and Mia emerged with Angela wrapped in a blanket, the long length of it wrapped and tucked around her body. I hadn’t even thought about her purse or jacket. Would she want to go back to the fraternity house and get them? Hell, what about her car? All the trivial aspects of an after emergency rescue suddenly jumped on me. I stepped back and let the two pass. Angela still wore the spaced-out look from the drug she’d been given. It would take at least another day for her to feel better. Shit, I think I was the only one out of the four of us who knew how close to an overdose she’d been. Stupid fucking assholes. What would they have done if they accidentally killed her? Rage filled me all over again at the thought of what had transpired a few miles away, and probably on every campus across the country. Mia blinked at me as if she knew exactly what

I was thinking. I took a step back, letting Jo and Angela join Kevin They paused at the stoop as Kevin opened the front door. Angela’s eyes were enormous in the pale oval of her face. Mascara rimmed her lower eyes like soot, making her look gaunt and sickly. Her long hair was tucked in lank strips behind her ears. In the time I’d known her, and during our brief fuckbuddy acquaintances, I’d never seen her look less than 100% put together. The fact that she was going out into public without even brushing her hair or washing her face told me what I needed to know about her mental state. Fuck, I hoped she could bounce back from what happened. She’d done everything the safety meetings said to do. She went to the party with a friend. Got her own drinks. Wasn’t drinking alone, and some fuck-wit still spiked her coke. She sacrificed a small smile. “Thank you.” Then the three of them went down the hallway, leaving Mia and me alone.

MIA

I WAS SO DAMN NERVOUS. Was this how a virgin felt on her wedding day, waiting for something to happen, but not knowing what? Regi stood in the hallway rocking back on his bare heels. His fingers were hooked through the belt loops of his jeans. That stupid awkwardness which existed between us in fits and phases returned with a vengeance. I knew a lot of it had to do with me. I'd never been in a relationship. Dating

had been on a permanent ban. Now that we were alone, a huge question yawned between us. What was I going to do with the man who loved me? Regi approached me as if I were a skittish animal. I felt like it. My hands shook. I linked my fingers together to stop them from twitching and revealing the state of my thoughts. "This has been a hell of a day, and it's only just begun," Regi said. His eyes held peace in the deep umber of their depths. I was sure, if he hadn’t been here, guiding me through how to help Licia, I would have fallen apart. Dealing with emergencies was not a strength of mine. I looked up at him. "That was a terrible end to our first date. We didn’t even get to do what I wanted.” Regi's grin grew cheeky. His eyes snapped with a playful spark as they skated down my body, taking a leisurely stroll. On the way back up he made sure to favor my breasts with a lingering look. Damn, I liked that.

My nipples stiffened, turning into hard crests pebbling my shirt. "What is that, Mia?" I laughed. "Is that all you think about is sex?" "No, when I'm with you watching the light hit your hair, I think how much you look like an angel." "An angel?” I ignored the delighted tingle in my chest. His smooth words were already doing a number on me. “Aren’t angels supposed to be blond-haired and blue-eyed?" "Yes, but you’re a fallen angel. Aren't you?" His voice turned into a smoky baritone, and I quivered. There was no way a woman could not melt when a guy paid you a huge compliment in a voice which sounded like sex. This wasn’t the first time he’d called me an angel. Faith wasn't a big part of Regi's life since he was so focused on the sciences, but in some ways, he worshiped me as if I was his very own goddess. It could be quite heady and intense. I flicked my lashes, as coy as a coquette at the Moulin Rouge. "The things I like would definitely make sure I was fallen."

The small slice of distance between us disappeared. Reg stroked my cheek, and then he walked his fingers into my hair until his palm pressed heavily on my neck, and the fingertips brushed my nape. "I stole the first kiss last night, and later earned my second but didn’t receive it. How many have I earned since?" Desire rushed through my veins. How could he turn me on with such a simple question? Kisses, well, kisses that weren’t his, had never really driven me wild. And yet here we were, just talking about the possibility, and my thighs were quaking. He always had that ability over me. He was a damn voodoo doctor when it came to my libido. I wiggled closer until our bodies touched, and my chest was all but flattened against his. I'd been amply endowed since puberty, and Regi had always enjoyed my buxom curves. His muscle-wrought arm wound around my waist and pulled me off my feet. "Is it wrong that I want to fuck you right now?” "Why would it be wrong?" "Because we just sent two girls, who had a

traumatic night, back out and into the world. They’ve been wrecked by darkness, and if I were a gentleman, I would let you rest and sleep off the effect of the day." The hand at my nape slid into my hair, and he yanked my head back. Pleasure carved a trench down my spine and bolted between my thighs. My hair was such a trigger, and my pussy throbbed to painful life. “But you know, I'm no gentlemen." His mouth punctuated his declaration with a hard slash over mine. I moaned into the ravenous pressure as his tongue demanded my lips open. I gave him everything he wanted, curling my tongue around the thick width of his. Regi had a tongue that was made to tongue-fuck a pussy. He’d made me scream countless times with it, and I was dying to sit on his face, among other parts of his anatomy. I'd been desperate for this kiss for what felt like forever. The one he'd stolen in the parking lot at the restaurant had been too brief. But this was a real one, a lingering torment as he learned how to joust with my tongue again.

There was no resistance left in me. I'd forgiven Licia, I'd forgiven Regi, and now we had a clean slate. My arms wound around his massive shoulders. I admired how much bigger he was. My fingers teased the subtle stubble at the back of his neck. He’d had curly hair when we were younger, and wore it long enough to scrape his collar. Since he'd moved back to Wisconsin from Penn State, he kept it buzzed short. In some ways, I missed those curls, but I enjoyed his new rugged appearance. He looked like a man now, not a boy caught in that between state. Regi hadn't shaved this morning, and the nettles of his scruff stung my skin. I enjoyed the slight burn and wiggled closer so that there were no secrets except clothing between us. The iron-hard length of his cock scorched my hip, and in return for teasing me with his hardon, I straddled his thigh and rubbed my burning hot cunt over the muscle. "God, I missed you, Mia," Regi growled into my mouth. His meaty hands spanned my waist, and he hauled me up and into his arms. What was a girl to

do? Struggle? Hell no. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and let him carry me wherever he wanted like a fucking caveman. I hadn’t let anyone, except Licia and now Angela, sleep over at my apartment, mostly because I didn't like strangers in my space and messing up my routine. It was hard enough getting rid of a clinger who thought sex meant love and marriage. I might have been the Queen of one night stands, but they were usually at the guy’s apartment so I could steal away before they woke up. This was an intimacy I never expected, yet there was no argument inside me as Regi walked me through the apartment and into the bedroom. I'd given Angela an extra blanket from the closet and had made the bed while Jo prepared their exit. Regi laid me gently onto the smooth comforter. I hooked my knees up, braced my feet flat on the mattress, and looked up at him. He drank me in like a thirsty man finding an

oasis in the desert. I had a healthy self-confidence, and though I knew I was thicker in some places than what was fashionable, I never had a problem with my curves. I sat up and swiftly removed the slinky shirt I’d fallen asleep in last night. Regi uttered a husky sound in the back of his throat. "For a long time, God this past year, I never thought I would see you like this again.” "I don't know what the future holds for us. But, I can honestly say that you are the only guy who has shown absolute loyalty to me. Guys have always disappointed me, so I never gave them the chance,” I whispered my confession. Regi’s throat bobbed. “I never want to hurt you again." "Again? What do you mean, again?" "The look in your eyes, when you saw me with Licia at the Alehouse, it destroyed me. It devastated me. You are one of the strongest people I've ever known, and you looked like you were going to cry. I realized that this dance we were doing, it needed to stop before we hurt each other

further." Regi knelt on the bed, his large body angled over mine. His hands circled my knees and urged them apart. I spread my thighs and let him in. "I know it wasn't your fault. I know that Licia tricked you in some ways. We both had an epiphany that night. What we were doing, what I was doing, wasn’t healthy. I was playing you, you were trying to come back to me. We just kept pushing and pulling and hurting each other. I did cry that night, but I also realized what I've done to you. That if you never met me, you would probably be married with a baby on the way. Maybe you would be in love with someone else, engaged or part of a loving relationship that men like you deserve. But I destroyed that for you." The heaviness of the conversation settled over us like a wet blanket draped on a campfire. It almost smothered the flames between us, but it shattered the awkwardness. I'd never shared this much of myself with anyone before. And now I was exposing myself to Regi, and hoping that he would love me, scars and

all. Regi's fingers hooked in the waist of my leggings and pulled them down. I lifted my hips, allowing him easier access to what he wanted. Sex between us was always an extension of our emotions. It revealed words that we couldn’t express. Well, now that wasn't true. They were words, thoughts, and feelings I couldn't express. Regi had no problem expressing his thoughts and putting them into words. He’d dropped that love-bomb first, and I always knew exactly where I stood with him. That was part of why I had been the one to run away last year. He’d danced around that four-letter word for the entirety of our summer fling in high school. Even though I knew he felt that strongly, he'd never said them. To hear him whisper them in my ear, while I was cuddled in his arms in a post-coital bliss, had sent me running. Things between us had been too real, too true, and I hadn't been in the right place to accept Regi for all that he could offer me.

"I don’t want a repeat of this dance we’ve lived through. It hurt a whole fucking lot. I've tried to get away, tried to quit you. But, you are it for me, Mia. I'm done letting you run away. I thought time would help you heal, but instead, it just built those walls thicker and higher. That's over with now." He held my eyes, his heavy brows lurching over his gaze in a dark way, and just dared me to deny what he said. I flashed him a half smile and stretched my arms over my head. “I hear what you're saying, Regi. But, isn't there something else you should be doing with your mouth?" His dropped his mouth and bit my leg. His laugh vibrated against my inner thigh. “Someone's gotten sassy while she's been away for me.” His fingers cupped my ankle, urging my knees higher, and giving him ample room to rip my leggings the rest of the way off. I narrowed my eyes up at him. "Why am I the only one that's almost naked?" His bright teeth flashed against the darkness of his scruff. "Because you haven't earned it yet,

angel." Right then and there, I knew I was in trouble. My heart jolted, and desire sent another wave of slippery wetness growing between my thighs. We were just talking, and I was already creaming my panties. “And how do I earn my reward? I want to see you naked, Regi,” I said with a naughty wiggle. "Well, first you need to get rid of all these little pieces of lace.” He tugged at the leg band of my panties. “While I love the black, I prefer you naked." I sucked in a breath, but still tried scolding him. As if I had any control over what the behemoth did. "You better not tear them off, Regi. You used to do that far too much in high school. Do you know how many times I had to go commando because you destroyed my only remaining pair?” Regi laughed. There was no shame or guilt in his eyes. I knew I would need a panty fund. "I promise, I will repay you for any panties that might accidentally get torn off." "Incorrigible," I laughed.

"But you love me." His voice grew serious, and I stopped breathing. We had one date, and he was already throwing around the “L” word. His palms slid up my thigh until they clamped on my hips. He loomed above me, as big as a tree, with his dark brown eyes pouring into mine. “You have to get used to hearing that word. I spent four years denying how I felt about you because you went like this.” He nodded down my paralyzed body. “You turned to ice and stone. I’m not going to live like that anymore, Mia. Can you handle my love? If not, you need to do what Jo said. Love me. Or leave me.” Damn, I hated the Jo was right. I cut, well, I tried cutting Regi out of my life, and it hadn’t worked. I wasn't over him. I don't know if I would ever reach the point where I could say I loved him back, but if I wanted him in my life, and a real relationship with him, I needed to get used to him saying he loved me. I exhaled a long, slow sigh. "You can say it's as much as you want – “ "But you can't say it back to me. Yet."

God, he was so confident. He was so cocksure that I would give him what he wanted, what he needed. I offered a slight tinkling laugh. "You're the only one that knows me this well. I don’t know if I should love, or hate, your tenacity.” His rough fingers fanned over my ribs. I was slightly ticklish, and the sensation made my skin itch. I wiggled beneath him, trying to dislodge the location of his fingers, but he knew exactly what he was doing to me. "We will work. We will last. I promise." When Regi spoke like that, offering up that P word, I knew he meant it. Intimacy between us crackled with a latent heat. It had been so long since I let myself go and give into my craving for Regi, that I wasn't sure I could take the lock off that kept me ‘normal’ around him. But Regi knew all my buttons, and what sweet spots to hit. His head lowered, and he nuzzled his nose against the top of my ribs right below the wire of my bra band.

"Do you remember the first time you let me get you naked?" Regi's voice held a hungry husk. "I do," I said with a smile. He’d been chasing me for weeks trying to get me to go out with him. He’d been the new boy in school, and the girls had been lining up for him. Except he’d pursued me. "And you always said no. It drove me fucking crazy." "You just thought I was being a cock tease, didn’t you?" "I wondered how someone who looked like you, and who could have anybody you wanted, and I do mean anybody, why you eventually chose me to be your first. Do you know how many guys in that fucking school wanted you? I wanted to fight them all for how they looked at you. You were boner bait.” "That’s exactly it. All they saw from me was a quick fuck, they wouldn’t have respected my first time. And even though I knew I was leaving and that love wasn’t in my future. I didn't want to just throw away that piece of me. I wanted it to be special.”

Regi locked eyes with me. "So, you gave me your V-card because you knew I was in love with you. You were why I never wanted to sleep with another virgin. It seemed like I was cheating on your memory if I took a piece of a girl like that.” “Yes. Do you regret it?” I chewed on my inner cheek, melting beneath his confession, and hoping I wouldn’t ruin him further. I’d fucked his life up for the past five years, could I make the next five worth it? "During those dark days, when I first moved back to Wisconsin and you threw me out of your apartment because you were fucking some schmuck…and then again a couple days ago, I almost regretted it. I almost wished that I could just get over you.” His thumb stroked my skin. “Some things in life are worth working for." Damn, there I went dissolving into goo. "And you think I'm worth working for, Regi?" "I think you are definitely worth working for, angel." He wasn’t playing fair. Every word out of his mouth hammered at my defenses. I don't know why

I clutched at them, maybe because I was afraid once I opened the gates, that instead of a heart there would just be emptiness. How could you love someone that was empty? I knew from watching mom that you could fill them up over and over with your love, but it was never enough. Eventually you were worn out, tired, and just as hollow inside. "I don't want to be your regret. I don't want you looking back in five years and think I'm still capable of giving you what you need. I don’t want you being with me, but wishing for a family and kids buying into the American dream that we are supposed to want." Regi’s breath heated the area around my broken heart. "I will never regret you, Mia. Even if in six months, if you don't feel the same way about me, at least I know we tried. After all the running, and years of denial, we gave it a try. This is our attempt. Will you give me six months?" I swallowed thickly. He was asking for a lot. Could I be his…God…his girlfriend for six months?

He deserved it. He’d earned it. "This is our try," I repeated. Regi flashed me a broad grin, the edges deepening into something wicked. All the heat I had been denying burst through me with the force of a volcano. I spread my thighs around his body and wiggled against him. I was shocked to find his cock was rock-hard already. I’d barely touched him. I never forgot how big he was, in height and beneath the belt. Regi was, I sometimes thought, a damn mutant. He was tall, good looking, smart, and hung. In all the sexual “experiments” I had done over the past few years, no one ever measured up to him. He was packing a monster in his boxers, and I knew it. My pussy knew it, and she was on board with getting plowed. He stuck his fingers beneath my bra straps and pulled them down, his eyes glowing with lust as the cups rolled down. My breasts popped free, and I hissed as my nipples, so sensitive from having been trapped in satin and lace for the entire night, were exposed.

I arched my back, whimpering at the over stimulation. Regi gently stroked his thumb over one hard tip, soothing the ache but leaving behind a deeper one throbbing deep inside. I shuddered. “I need you, Regi. Oh, fuck, I need you inside me, please.”

REGI

MIA'S PLEA TORE THROUGH ME AND FUNNELED BLOOD straight to my cock. I’d been hard before, now I was sure I could break rocks with my dick. Having her all spread open and offering herself to me, was a fucking miracle. I never thought I'd see her like this again. Yet here she was, begging me to fuck her with every breathless whimper. Despite her vow that she wouldn’t be able to love me, I held out hope she’d come around. Sex

without emotion paled when compared to putting your full self into it. When I was with Mia, it transcended every thing I’d ever experienced. I could only hope it was the same for her, despite the lies she told herself. I’d told her that I didn't want just beneath the sheets with her. I wanted a clean slate, a future with her at my side. I’d held onto that. And now? Now, this was so much more than just sex. She had finally agreed to try a relationship with me. After five years, we were going to be out and in public. While our first date, prior to Licia’s texts, hadn’t been a disaster, the afterhours were best forgotten. I would make our abbreviated outing up to her, even though the reason it ended hadn’t been my fault. There was a tiny kernel of guilt rummaging around in my bed that I was going to bed her before wining and dining her. But who was I to deny what my woman wanted? And make no mistake, Mia was mine now. She wiggled beneath me, hot and needing. Her

palms smoothed along my shoulders, her nails digging into the dips between the muscles, and threatened to claw me. She seated them at my nape and dragged her fingers up the back of my head. Chills leaped down my spine. I was so fucking hard for her. I'd had a year of everyone but Mia, and now that she was back in my bed, and on my arm, and willing to let me love her, I was going to savor her. "Just what are you begging for, angel?” I pressed close, inhaling the succulent aroma of my Mia in heat. Her eyes narrowed in mock anger. Her cheeks flushed a rosy hue. "You know exactly what I want. I want you to fuck me. I want you to ram that thick hard cock so deeply into me I can taste you." Mia spoke dirty, enunciating each word as if she were fucking me with her vulgarity, and caused my cock to jerk against the boundaries of my jeans. I rolled up onto my knees. She bit her lip, her eyes roaming all over me like hands. I flipped open the tab on my jeans. My dick pulsed against the zipper and forced it down. "Is this what you

want?" I spread the lapels of my jeans open, and let them hang loose on my hips. She sucked in a sharp breath, running her gaze down the wiry happy trail which led down into the short nest of hair that disappeared out of view. Her eyes glittered with fire. For a moment, I was just a piece of meat, and I exulted in the sensation. I was her man candy. The one getting her off with a casual Chippendale tease. "Take off your shirt," Mia whispered. She was using her sex kitten voice, the one that would make sure I would do anything she asked. Mia enjoyed pressing the buttons on my aggression. Though I liked to have the upper hand, she had a way of pinning me down and getting exactly what she wanted. The boys at Xstasy, a club I frequented, called it domming from the bottom. I dragged my shirt up and off and tossed it behind me. She whimpered as her eyes feasted on the broad wall of my chest. I wasn't tatted, but Mia didn't seem to mind my lack of body adornments. I ran my hand down the front of my chest and

slipped my palm into the front of my jeans. "What are you doing?" She asked breathlessly. I fisted my cock and gave it a quick jerk, hiding my dick from view. I flashed her a dimpled smile. "What does it look like I'm doing." "It looks like you're playing with what I own," Mia hiked herself onto her elbows. Her hair spread out around her in an midnight pool. "Oh? You own this?" I groaned as my hand rolled around the knob of my dick. "I've always owned it. You know that.” "Yes.” I squeezed the base of my shaft, and pumped all the way to the tip, gathering the precome welling there. “But you've been neglecting your ownership. Maybe you should come apologize for it." Mia whimpered. "Stop teasing." "If you want it, come and get it." I was riling her up, forcing her to try and take what she wanted. She sat upright in bed, her wonderful breasts bouncing. My mouth watered, wanting to lick all over those pink little nipples of hers.

She had to be a mind reader, because fuck if she didn’t know what I was thinking. She palmed each tit and squeezed them together, creating a deep chasm between. "If I come there, you wouldn’t be able to fuck these." Damn. I had one weakness, other than Mia. And that was tit fucking her. I crawled up the bed until I was hovering above her body. She arched her back, offering that silky valley to me. She worked up a mouth of saliva, spat it down the front of her chest, and then rubbed her tits together until they were slippery. "You're not playing fair." "Who said I had to play fair?” Damn, she was right. I slipped my dick against the bottom hole she’d lubed up for me with her spit. The first droplet of pre-come whetted her flesh. Her nipples peeked out between her fingers. I groaned as I fucked between her tits. Rocking back and forth, I finally settled into that smooth chasm. It wasn’t as good as fucking her snug little pussy or even getting a blowjob, but the vision of all that voluptuousness

surrounding my dick got me harder than anything. She dropped her chin so that she could stare down the head of my cock which poked out from the top of her bouncing breasts. She licked her lips, and I knew exactly what she had planned. "Missing the taste of me in your mouth, angel?" She whimpered. "There's never been anyone like you, Regi. You make me wild. Even after all this time, I hate to stroke your ego and tell you that you were right all those years ago, but you were." I hated when she talked about the other men. But it was something that we had to deal with between us. There have been a lot of girls for me, and she had her own experiences. But, it was just us again. And we each brought new tricks and new found urges back into our bed. Mia enjoyed showing me one of her new tricks. She stretched out her tongue, and fluttered the pink tip against my slit, lapping up the wetness that drooled free. I shuddered as my balls pulled tight against the underside of my shaft. It was almost too much, and I didn't want to come too soon and end

our first night together in over a year. "You must be hungry. You’re gazing at my cock like I look at cake.” "Maybe I want you on my skin, feel all your hot jizz splatter on my face. Would you like giving me a facial?” Shit. I grunted as I slammed harder against her chest. I fucked her cleavage deeply so that the head prodded against her chin. She held my eyes and flashed me a naughty smile. The slinky little minx enjoyed twisting me around her little finger. Her mouth wrapped around the tip of my dick, and she gave it a lush, hard suck. I pulled free, abandoning the tight vice of her tits. "I think you need to be fucking punished for that." She pulled up to her knees on the bed, the mattress shaking and jiggling beneath us. Her hands were on my sides, raking her nails down until she had her hands against my ass. "What, are you going to pull me over your knee and spank me?" The audacious minx, she didn’t believe I

would do it. She slid my jeans down, exposing the full-length of my monster-sized cock. I wasn't small, and I enjoyed how she whimpered when she caught sight of my cock again. I had been Mia's first and gave her a taste for big dick. I’d turned her into a little bit of a size queen. "Maybe I should, maybe I should deny you this big prick you are eye-fucking." Her bottom lip stuck out. "You wouldn't dare." I moved quickly. One moment she was kneeling before me, the next second I had my hand in the curly mess of her hair. I pivoted her body around until she was face first in the pillows. Her juicy ass hiked in the air. The thin wedge of her panties bisected her ass, turning the bikinis into an almost thong. Half of each cheek was revealed to me. She growled into the pillows and struggled beneath me, but I wasn't about to let her free. I hauled back and slapped my palm against one smooth globe. The resounding crack satisfied the urge inside me to dominate her. She squealed in surprise, bucking like a bull trying to dislodge me. I grinned as her flesh reddened, the dark tan turning

coppery as the blood flushed beneath the skin. I pulled back on her hair, wrapping it around my knuckles. "You dared me, will you be good now?" "I was being good." "Doesn't sound like you've learned your lesson," I chided with a tsk. I pushed her cheek down into the pillows, and keeping my hand in her hair, sent another ringing slap across the other cheek. She bucked beneath me writhing as the pain burst through her. I knew my Mia. She loved a little bit of roughness with her sex. She'd been my partner for quite a few firsts. Everything from anal and tit fucking and to facials. I had wanted to explore more of my hedonistic tastes of exhibition and voyeurism with her, that would have required us going out together in public. Now that we were an item, I could take her to my favorite club. I couldn’t wait to introduce her to Xstasy. I spanked her for five minutes, listening to her mewl, beg, and plead with me to stop. It wasn't

until her thighs spread, and I saw that slippery wetness darkening her black panties, that I knew I had to have her now, or I'd fucking die. She hated when I tore her panties, but I would repay her. That little scrap of silk and lace got ripped off like some sort of tissue paper. She whimpered as I finally exposed her pretty little pussy. She’d been experimenting in bimonthly visits to the Brazilian waxer, back when we were younger and fucking. We’d had the talk about natural, trimmed, or bare. I liked a bare pussy, because I could see every inch of pink and nothing stopped that juicy drip of arousal once it reached the lips. She’d kept up her routine. Though she obviously hadn’t been planning to fuck me this soon. Mia looked like she was about due to visit her waxer. A sparse smattering of dark hair shadowed her tawny skin. But it was that pink between, her lips all swollen and puffy, that interested me. I stroked my finger down between the cleft of her lips and connected with her clit.

She squealed beneath me, her whole body shuddering at the pleasure I gave her. I knew how close she was and manipulated my fingers in time with the spasms shaking her body. She already teetered on the cusp from a quick spanking. I rolled my finger around that swollen nub, watching as her cunt glistened and clenched at emptiness. "Please, I need you,” she whimpered. I pushed my jeans down the rest of the way and grabbed a condom from the pocket. I held the packet between my teeth, keeping it close as I rubbed my cock against her slit. She groaned as she felt the bare head tease her sensitive hole. "Is this what you want? Do you want me to slam fuck all this dick into you? Can you handle it, angel? It’s been so long since I’ve had to shape this pussy to my cock. I bet you’re all tight again, because no man fucks you like I do." I rolled her up in my filthy words as I listened to her cunt suck on the tip of my cock. I’d never fucked anyone bareback, not even Mia when we were younger, but I wanted to change that. I longed to feel her white-hot and raw cinched around my cock.

"Shit, Regi,” she whined. “Yes, I need all of you inside me, please." I opened the condom and tossed the wrapper. Sheathing my dick in latex, I swabbed her pussy with one long stroke from asshole to clit and back up again. Her inner lips tensed around the head, and tried pulling me in. She tightened around me and rocked back as if she were going to force her cunt around my dick. I spanked her again. “Are you trying to rush me?” I was being mean and knew it. I wanted her to remember who owned her body. I slipped my fingers out of her hair, and wrote my nails all the way down her body, autographing her thicklycurved figure with my control. Then I grabbed each hip as if they were handlebars, held her still, and prepared her for the way I’d take her. I circled my hips, opening her tight little box. Then, I gave her everything she’d missed. I fucked all the way in. Every rigid inch slammed through her sweltering pink pussy, deep and molten until my balls ricocheted off her ass.

She screamed a guttural cry of pleasure as her hips bucked back and concealed the fusion of our bodies. Her wetness dribbled down my balls, telling me how much she enjoyed what I did to her. I arched my back, and pushed my hips tightly into her pillowy ass. “Fuck, you’re so tight. Shit, I love how your pussy hugs my dick. Squeeze me baby, just like that. Show me what you’ve missed.” I pulled out of her slowly, watching her tight walls suck and attempt to pull me back inside. Her body didn't want to be denied, and I only managed to extract myself halfway before I rammed back in. She smothered her screams into the pillow, and I knew how much she enjoyed herself by the muttered way she squealed her pleasure into the sheets. There were a few creative swear words tossed inside that had my dick swelling even further in her tight core. Her back bowed into a severe arch as I worked her beneath me. I alternated between the hard, fast pumps that made her scream the loudest, and the slow, taunting strokes that had sweat gathering on

her spine and made her crazed. Finally, though, I showed her mercy. My fingers slipped around the wide flare of her hip and dipped between her thighs. I went straight for her engorged clit. Mia moaned a low cry as I picked up the speed, cramming my cock into her, stroking the top of my shaft over that sweet spot inside her pussy, and circled her clit. She went off with a half-scream, her body tensing beneath me while her pussy contracted so sharply I grunted. Fuck, her cunt could emasculate a man if they weren’t ready for it. Her orgasm unlocked mine, and I shuddered through the heavenly sensations which boomed through my body. I jerked against her twice more, making sure the whole of my dick was buried inside of her before my balls took their respite. I leaned over her, sweat dripped off my hair and forehead, leaving watermarks on her shoulders as I tried to gather the energy to move. “Damn succubus,” I murmured. Slowly I pulled from her, stripping the condom, and tied it off. Then I crashed onto the bed beside

her. She’d barely moved, enjoying her post-coital bliss. Wrapping an arm around her, I pulled her close. Mia stiffened for a moment. Was she going to revert to her anti-cuddling stance? After all of what we’d talked about and shared? Finally, she relaxed and succumbed to my embrace.

MIA

DAMN HIM. Regi had written his love letter to sex on my skin. He’d left his mark behind, finger-shaped bruises which were an ode to how hard he’d fucked me. God, I’d missed him. Which was why I hadn’t run out of bed wailing like a horror-movie scream queen. Cuddling was such a new thing for me. In my previous encounters with Regi, I’d

always kicked him out of my bed. I hadn’t wanted to experience intimacy, or let my heart fall into his. It had been a real threat, and one I’d safeguarded – foolishly – against. He already loved me, and if I’d let him snuggle me, it would have meant giving him more hope. But, I was attempting to change. I was coming to terms that Regi would always be there for me. That he loved me, flaws and all. He wasn't like my father. I dropped my thigh over his leg, enjoying the prickly hairs which teased my smooth skin. He breathed deeply, and I smiled to myself as he dozed. It had been a long night, and a longer morning, even before he'd rocked my world. It was enjoyable to have a man in my bed, but this wasn't just any man. This was Regi. I’d kept him at arm's length for so long, that when I felt those familiar behaviors rear, it took a concentrated effort to make sure that I didn't push him away again. We'd made our oath together, that we would try this out, and I wasn't about to rescind it.

I fell asleep wrapped in his arms, the scent of us mixing together, and taking the edge off my worry. It was early evening by the time we woke. Regi’s growling stomach acted like an alarm clock. Opening my eyes slowly, I found him watching me. I flushed and looked away. He smoothed his hand over my tangled hair. “Don't be shy, you look gorgeous.” "I feel skanky," I said. I was unshowered, with atrocious morning breath, and my teeth felt fuzzy. I held my hand over my mouth so he wouldn’t be gassed. "Why, because you got fucked two ways from Sunday and didn’t shower after?" "Something like that. Your stomach sounds as if it wants attention." Now that I was thinking about it, food sounded really fucking good. All I’d had this morning was coffee. We’d skipped breakfast and lunch, and we’d worked up a considerable appetite. "Yeah, I didn't want to disturb you, but I’m starving." His stomach roared again, punctuating

his comments. Gingerly I eased myself out of his arms, leaving the sex-scented sheets behind. I wasn't shy about my nudity, and I stretched, flashing him with a good morning wriggle. He tweaked one nipple, and I swatted at his hands with a playful huff. Regi eyed my body with interest. The blanket around his hips turned into a tepee. "How about we get sandwiches or something here, and then there's a club I want to take you to." "A club? I didn't think you were into dancing.” I wouldn’t mind going dancing. How long had it been since I just relaxed? He gave me a wicked grin. "It's not the kind of club, angel." I tilted my head. "So, you want to take me to a strip club?" I rolled my eyes. He was such a fucking man. “Nope, not a strip club either." Not a strip club. Not a nightclub. What other kind of club was there? I turned to him so he could see my curiosity. He swung up and sat on the edge of the bed. He

tapped my nose. "You'll see it when we get there. I'd like to swing by my apartment and grab a change of clothes on the way. You wear whatever. Your normal weekend attire would fit in quite well. But I don't want anyone else seeing those legs of yours." His fingers tickled the back of my knee, and I sucked in a breath as the shivers darted up and between my legs. Damn, I loved when he got possessive. Even though I'd run away from it for years, now that I was giving in, I enjoyed that I was his, and he was mine. That the monogamy I'd shunned, and that he craved for so long, were finally meeting in the middle. "So, who gets the shower first?" He climbed out of bed, and I didn’t even pretend to look elsewhere as all that male perfection was displayed before me. God, I’d known he'd been hitting the gym hard this year, but I hadn't realized the fruits of his labor until he was stood sculpted in the lamplight pouring in through my blinds. He was chiseled. He could've been a fucking fitness model. Was that an

eight pack? I let loose a soft moan from the back my throat. He twitched the sheets away from me. "Do like what you see?" I shook my head. Damn egotistical man. I refused to admit that I was drooling over him. He would never let me live it down. He moved in close, and me into the wall. "How about we save some water and share the shower." My breathing grew ragged, and my nipples popped eagerly. "I think we’ll get dirtier if we shower together." He curled his fingers around my waist and pulled me into him so that his huge cock curved against my navel. “That's exactly what I had in mind." Desire pierced my pussy, and I spread my legs, wiggling up until my pulsing core stroked the underbelly of his shaft, just begging to be fucked again. His cock swelled thicker between us. His nostrils flared as if he caught the scent of my

arousal. Before I could get him to pin me to the wall with that huge tool, he stepped back, away from my questing hands. He wagged his finger at me. "Oh no, you’re not getting any of this until later." I gaped at him as he strolled out of my bedroom, my eyes glued to the firm granite-hard ass cheeks bobbing away before he turned the corner and disappeared into the bathroom. What did he mean I wasn't getting any until later? I stalked after him and followed him into the bathroom. He had the water running, and soon steam filled the small room. I tapped my fingers against my hip. "Even if I got in the shower you won’t give me sex?" "Even if," he said. He pulled the button on the faucet. The shower kicked in with a watery hiss. "You can come in and wash my back if you want." I narrowed my eyes. What was he playing at? He stepped in the shower, his calves flexing as he climbed into the bathtub. He held open the shower curtain for me, rattling the plastic, like a

Matador waving a flag at a bull. Just daring me to join him. Well, fine. I hopped in the shower with him, and he wrapped his big arms around me and held me close. The water turned him slippery, and I wriggled against him. Soon, he grabbed my tropical-scented shower gel and rubbed me down. Steam and the scents of hibiscus and pineapple rose around us. Being a man, he obviously lingered on my breasts until they were practically squeaky clean. I laughed and turned around, letting him get my back. “The girls are clean now, thanks. I don’t know what I would have done without you taking care of them.” He wound his arms around me from behind and gave my tits one last squeeze. “My pleasure, angel. We wouldn’t want them to get cold now, would we?” This was kind of nice. Sharing a shower and having a man take care of me. I relaxed and shampooed my hair. He finished washing my back

and then gave my wet ass a quick slap. I jumped and turned around. He passed me my loofah. "Don't be greedy, I do you, you do me." Oh, I wanted to do him alright. I focused on his body, and that huge goddamn totem pole rearing up between his thighs. Regi kept his nether region maintained. His pubic hair was just a shadowy dusting above his balls. I focused there first, soaping up my hands and then gently squeezing the heavy sacs. He groaned, and he tipped his head back beneath the hot water. I stroked him nice and slow, getting him full mast. "Now who is the one teasing," he said, his voice a hungry baritone. "You’re the one that said no sex in the shower," I reminded him in a sing-song voice. My hands wandered up his chest, enjoying the ripped feeling of his body. I'd never taken a shower with a guy before, and I felt like I'd been missing out on something spectacular all these years. We were both vulnerable and naked as we

got clean together. But it was a shared moment, allowing us explore each other’s bodies. My knees trembled, and I finally couldn't resist sinking down to them until I was eye level with his gorgeous shaft. He stroked his thumb across my bottom lip. "I don't want to come, Mia," he murmured. "Then you’ll have to resist," I said. I licked the head of his cock, and got the clean taste of his freshly-washed body, with a salty chaser of pre-come. He was delicious, savory and sweet, hard and smooth. And I greedily swallowed the first inch of his dick. His cock throbbed against my tongue, and I traced the vein bulged along the underside with the tip. I eased down his shaft, taking as much of his rod in my mouth as I could. I didn't want to choke right now, but just enjoy the smooth velvet and iron feeling of him. I bobbed up and down his cock, getting him all dirty again with my spit. He rocked against my face, meeting my thrusts. I knew he was getting close from the way that come vein throbbed, threatening to carry all his

seed into my mouth. He let me play awhile longer before he pulled me away. I looked up at him, meeting the wild gleam in his eyes. He was so close to breaking into desire. I knew he didn't want to fuck me yet, but if I gave him a little bit of a push, I knew he would. I was curious to see what he had in store for us. I stood up, and rinsed myself one more time beneath the hot water. I opened the curtain, and stepped out with a little wiggle of my hips. "It looks like you need a cold shower now." He growled at me, and I laughed as I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me. " "I'll get you back for that," he promised. I pulled a hair towel off the bathroom shelves, and wrapped my hair in a turban style. Then I walked out and into the kitchen to make sandwiches. Regi join me a few minutes later with a towel around his cut waist. He was built so well, the broad shoulders which dipped down into a perfect V around his lean hips. When he was dressed up he

looked big, enormous even, but when he was naked you could tell that there was very little extra fat padding his body. He was all muscle. I bit my lip. He stepped into my space, and hooked a hip against the countertop where I was nibbling on some potato chips that I'd had with my turkey sandwich. A plate with his own awaited him. I offered him a Ripple chip from the shared bowl. "You're a keeper, aren't you? Making me a sandwich. You know the way to a man's heart,” he said. I didn’t remind him I already had his heart. I wouldn’t take it for granted, but woo him just as he was wooing me. I circled my finger around one of his nipples and then tiptoed them between his biceps until I felt the thudding of his heart against my palm. “Maybe I’ve decided I should be a good owner,” I whispered. His strong heartbeat thrummed soothingly against my flesh. He looked down at me, offering me the universe in his dark eyes. He pressed my hand into

his chest, then he leaned down and kissed me softly. I smiled at him, and then turned and went to get dressed for our date.

MIA

IT ONLY TOOK A FEW MINUTES FOR REGI TO GET dressed after I emerged with my makeup on and feeling like a fox. I’d wiggled into a tight blouse, tighter pants, and sky-high heels. Then we were off to his apartment. He only lived a few minutes away from the high-rise I called home. I chose to stay in the car where it was nice and warm with the engine on while he changed. While I waited, I fiddled around with his MP3 player. I was scrolling through his playlists

when I saw my name as the title of the bottom one. I nibbled on my inner cheek. Should I open it? Music could be very intimate, and I didn't want to seem as if I was betraying Regi's trust by nosing into his selections. But, would he have allowed me to stay in the car if he didn't want me to snoop? I opened the playlist and scrolled through the songs he'd chosen. One jumped out at me, and I pressed play. The moody refrain of Morrissey filled the interior. The lilting lyrics of Black Cloud rolled over me, and I closed my eyes as I listened to Regi's message to me, about chasing and loving someone he couldn’t catch. I wasn't aware that Regi had returned until the car door opened and he slipped in behind the steering wheel. The song continued to play around us, an upbeat melody with a heart-wrenching message. I turned and looked him in the eyes. He didn't look angry. He glanced at his iPod in my hand, the radio display which scrolled the title of the song, and then my face. "How long have you had the song on here?”

Black Cloud was an older one, I remembered listening to in high school. It had been out of popular play for quite a while, which led me to assume that this had been tucked away since before Penn State. Maybe from our first summer together. "Do you really want to know?" I licked my lips. "Yes, I think I know the answer." He laid his palm flat on my knee and stroked his hands along the black leather-front leggings I wore. “When I first listened to the song, it reminded me of you, and how I felt about you. You danced around, almost always within arm’s reach, but I could never bring you close enough to hold on. I hadn’t heard it until my dorm mate was nursing a heartbreak. I bought that album that day, and it was kind of serendipitous that a few months later the Penn State football program closed, and I cho=ose to come here for you." His thumb swept against my knee, branding the warmth of his touch through the thin fabric. “You amaze me with how devoted you are to

me.” My voice shook, surging with emotions that only Regi had ever been able to summon. "You deserve having someone be devoted to you.” I glanced out the fogged window. “Do you have a white knight complex? Are you trying to heal me? What happens once you do, if you do, do you move onto a new project?” "That would imply that I want to save everybody." My laugh was hollow. "Well, you are studying to be a doctor." His mouth twisted ruefully. "That is true, maybe I am a white knight. But you’re not a project to me, you’re not someone I want to fix. You don’t need fixing. You just need to let yourself be free.” His words were pretty, but I wasn’t buying into them. "What about the people that aren’t worth saving?" "I think everybody is worth saving." He pinched my chin and urged me to look back at him. "Including you," he said before he gave me a gentle kiss."

The song ended and he started the car, driving down the slushy streets and into downtown Madison. I alternated between feeling as if I was flying, and drowning. Regi's love lifted me, but the intensity sank me. It was a roller coaster high, and I'd never been a girl who thrived on adventure. I kept my thoughts to myself as he navigated into the secluded areas of Madison, past Verona and into Fitchburg. The houses out this way grew further and further apart, until only hints of estates peeped through the evergreen trees used as natural barriers, protecting what laid behind from curious eyes. We were nearly twenty minutes outside of Madison when Regi turned down an isolated road. There were very few lights this far out, and the only thing in front of us were his headlights bobbing across the flagstone. That alone told me we were heading someplace dripping in wealth. Eventually, I saw lights from a house ahead of us. Regi pulled into a circular drive filled with tons of different cars. They were a mix of the super-high-end that one would expect in front of a

house like this, but also a mishmash of American muscle cars, and more common vehicles like Ford in Toyotas. I stared up at the enormous multi-wing house in front of us. Electric candles illuminated a dozen huge windows. "Where are we?” "This is the club I was telling you about. Xstasy" Regi parked the car and popped around to my side. For a girl from small-town Shullsburg, this sort of display of wealth was kind of intimidating. Regi opened the door, and offered me his hand, helping me out. My boot heels clicked on the paving stones. "This is not like any club that I've seen before." "This is kind of a private club." I snorted. "This looks like a mansion." Regi guided me around an icy patch and up the wide stairs which flanked the front of the house. “In a way, but the owners have turned it into… well, a bit like a bed-and-breakfast. But we’re not saying overnight.” I arched an eyebrow at him but remained quiet.

I wasn’t going to lie. I was wildly curious where this was going. He held my hand and led me through the front door, which was two huge double doors with gilded handles. The fan-shaped windows were made of stained-glass, and prohibited anyone from peeking in. I wasn’t prepared for the two bouncers standing guard in the huge vestibule. One looked like a very tanned Mr. Clean, the other could have passed for a band roadie with long hair and bloodshot eyes. They were both massive though, almost as broad as Regi though they weren’t as tall. Beyond them, there was a literal velvet rope preventing anybody from just walking on past. I couldn’t figure out where to gawk at first. The marble tiles, the huge staircase which spiraled up to the upper floors, or the men who were sizing us up. The one sat on a stool behind a small podium. A scanner with a small flat screen sat in the middle of it. Regi pulled out his wallet, and produced a black card that was the size of a credit card and stamped with an embossed X. He passed it to the

main guy, who flipped it over and then slid it through the handheld scanner. I caught a brief glimpse of Regi's face on the scanner's screen before it clicked off. This was weird, and yet legit too. The bouncer smiled at Regi. "What colors are you tonight, Mr. O'Connell?" Regi grinned. His deep brown eyes met mine, and then he answered baldy. "Two red, please." My curiosity soared as the bouncer opened a drawer. Inside were three small bins filled with differently-colored plastic bracelets: green, yellow, and red. The bouncer handed Regi two reds bracelets. Regi shoved his wallet into the pocket of his black slacks, and then he shrugged out of his jacket. I unzipped mine and passed it over to the second bouncer. He disappeared into the closed door beside the podium, and then came back out with coat check tickets. “Enjoy your time at Xstasy,” the bouncer said with a big grin. He unhooked the rope, and Regi led me down the hallway. I gazed up at the

enormous circular antechamber and the beautiful grated skylight above. I wasn’t in Kansas anymore, and I didn’t have a fluffy dog either. I doubted clicking my heels together three times would work either. I was so screwed. When we approached the second set of double doors, Regi paused. The gentle thump of electronic music vibrated through the wood. By the lack of sound bleeding into the hallway, I suspected the room beyond was soundproof. Why did they need a soundproof room? He pulled a red bracelet on, and then helped me with mine. There had to be a backlight nearby. The bracelets glowed crimson. It was bright enough a blind man would be able to see it. "What are these?" Regi lifted my hands and brushed a kiss over my knuckles. "Do you trust me?" I’ve never trusted anyone, and the realization rattled me. Regi was bringing me into something that was important to him. I could tell by the gleam in his eyes that whatever laid beyond those doors

was something that he wanted to share with me. I was beginning to suspect what I would find once we walked in. Was I ready for this? I slid my arms around Regi’s narrow waist and leaned into him for a kiss. "I trust you," I whispered and then I kissed him, pouring all my unspoken emotions into that touch. He held me tightly. And then he led me into sin. There were at least fifty people sprawled in absolute debauchery before us. The room resembled a nightclub. The lights were low, but the lack of light didn’t disguise that it was decorated up like some hedonistic sex fantasy. Gilded cages hung low from chains in the corners where half naked men, and women, were gyrating to the soft thump of the music. Oval velvet hassocks and dais’ offered up scantily-clad people. A polished obsidian bar ran along one wall. Colored lights shone on the shelves, making the bottles appear candy-coated. Further in, cozy couches draped in red

gossamer gave off a cabana-like vibe. A few were already occupied if the silhouettes shifting against the gauzy curtains was any indication. I realized then that this den of iniquity had once been a ballroom. Numerous side rooms were open for exploring, the doors flung open in welcome on each side, and leading off into little nooks and tastefully decorated lounges. Beneath the lights, the glow of the wristbands beckoned the eye. I looked down at the red one shackling my wrist. "What do these mean?" Regi pointed towards a woman that was wearing just a pair of pasties and a skimpy little thong. Her body was dynamite, and much firmer than mine. "Green means anything goes." He guided my line of sight to a handsome man who was chatting with two other guys and a girl. The guy’s wrist shone yellow. "Yellow means ask before." This was a version of the stop light game. I ran my finger around my bracelet. "So, red means stop." "Sort of, it means that we're not here to play

with others." “Are there swingers here?” I marveled over his explanation in the driveway. A bed and breakfast? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Regi grinned at me. "There’s a bit of everything here. Swingers, Doms, and subs. But I’d say we’re more hedonists than anything." "Why are we here?" Regi walked his fingers down my spine and flattened his hand over the swell of my ass. "I like to watch, and while I have played with some of the girls and guys here, that part of my life is over. I want you to understand, and maybe experience what I enjoy, without worry that I'll stray. And if you don't like it, we never have to come back. I don’t want to hide my tastes and urges in a closet." That was the first time I'd ever heard that Regi had experimented with other men. "Did you just say, guys?” "Yes, I don't identify as gay or bisexual, I just enjoy the sex." Regi held my eyes the edges slightly pinched with a hint of wrinkles, and I realized that he was revealing a huge part of

himself. So, Regi was a hedonist, a voyeur, and maybe a bit of an exhibitionist. I glanced again at the congregation of women and men and picked up the sexual undercurrent which rode through the ensemble. There were some that were obviously paired off, and more than a few tripods had been erected. There was every sort of three and foursome pairing. "I don't like to be shared and I won't share,” I said sharply. "I don't want to share either. It’s just you and me, angel, until the end of the world. But, there is something to be said about watching, and being watched." "Is that why we’re here? You want to watch them, and then touch me while watching them?" Regi sifted his fingers into my hair and gave it a slight tug. He dipped down and nuzzled his nose over mine. "Yes, I want to see how you react to that girl over there being fucked by those two guys, and then I want to take you into one of the side rooms, and fuck you until the entire club can hear

your screams of pleasure. I shuddered as desire pounded through me. My pussy ached, and I looked at the three that he'd indicated. They were very good-looking. Our age or slightly older, it was hard to tell in the hazy lighting. She wore her hair in a long braid, and she was surrounded by two very handsome, and hunky men. I thought I would enjoy watching her taking their cocks. I shuddered as my pussy grew nice and slick, already threatening to overwhelm my panties with my juices. I looked up at Regi. He was waiting for my response. I ran my hand down his chest and then gripped his cock. He was half hard, and then thickened against my palm. "Yes," I murmured as I stroked him. Now I understood why he hadn’t wanted to come in the shower. "I want to watch them play."

REGI

MIA’S RESPONSE WAS EVERYTHING I’D WANTED BUT hadn’t dared hope for. She played me like an instrument tuned to every minute twitch of her fingers. Mia looked up at me with her eyes wide with false innocence. Her cherubic expression was hampered by the naughty smile which played peek-a-boo over her plump carmine-red lips. I was hard as a fucking rock, and she made it worse with how her fingers cinched my cock and

stroked me. Se made sure I made a mess of my boxers with the veritable river of pre-come leaking into them. I slipped my hand through her sable hair, got a firm grip, and hauled her into a kiss, putting all my delight into the way I ransacked her mouth. When I was done with her, she was breathless and clinging to me. Part of me was surprised at how open she was open to my suggestion. But this just proved my theory that Mia was my missing piece; the one that would complete me. “Shall we go over and introduce yourselves?” Mia playfully pouted, but she removed her hands away from the bulge tenting my slacks. I’d dressed in black to match Mia, more to blend in than stand out. I didn’t want to catch anyone’s eye tonight but hers. Mia stuffed her fingers into my back pocket, giving my ass a squeeze, and cozied into my side. “Yes, let's," she said with a giggle which was borderline shy. It was fucking adorable. For all her

experimentation in college, her words not mine, there was still a few tricks I could teach her. We maneuvered through the crowd until we reached the three we had been looking at. The girl was green, and her two potential play partners were yellow. The girl looked up at me as we approached. She was a pretty, but not nearly as gorgeous as Mia. Then again, I was unilaterally biased. She’d paid a lot of attention to the details of how she presented herself. With her hair wound into that long braid and her body on display, she offered herself as a mare to any stud who wanted to mount her. I thought she might be submissive until her eyes grew bold and dragged all over my body. They swept down, and then back up before her attention locked on my bracelet. She realized she wouldn’t be getting anything but a look from me, and offered me a friendly smile. “It looks like the three of you are going to have some fun," I said. I knew my voice didn’t reflect my nervousness, but damn was I. I was ushering Mia into the carnal underbelly I’d lived in without

her for the past two years since I’d returned to Wisconsin and came to Madison. What if this was all too much for her? Mia wiggled excitedly against me. "Yes, if this little lady is up to the effort." The blonde-haired man ran his finger down the girl's naked arm and circled the green bracelet which glowed brightly beneath the lights. She tossed her head, her thick braid flicking like an agitated filly. She’d found two studs, and the mating dance was beginning in earnest. "I think it’s the two of you who need to decide if you can handle me.” Her attention drifted back to Mia and me. "And just what are you two going to be doing?" Mia answered, and I had to resist throwing her down and fucking her right there on the floor I was so aroused by it. "I want to see the two of them fuck you." Jesus. Mia squeezed my ass through my pants, and I fell further in love with her. The girl gave a surprised laugh. “I like how bold you are. It’s such a shame that I can’t touch

either of you.” I pulled Mia closer, and she laid her head possessively against my shoulder. "We’re not into sharing, but you have those two all to yourself.” The girl’s babydoll blue eyes shifted back to the two men who were exchanging looks. Either they were a couple or just friends, but they’d obviously come together, and whatever decision they made would need to be unanimous. "What do you gentlemen think?" The dark-haired one that had caught Mia's eyes earlier flashed a grin. "Why don't we go find a private room upstairs." The girl uttered a delightedly purring laugh. “That is exactly what I hoped you would say." Filly linked her arms through theirs, and the three of them led the way to the doors at the opposite end of the ballroom. She teetered on latex heels that rivaled Mia’s in height and altered her gait. Her hips swished with exaggerated movement. Mia caught me looking, and pinched my ass. But I didn’t catch any jealousy in her gaze. We

were here to window shop, and not buy. Others had also paired off or were on their way to their own orgies, and attention was elsewhere than on the five of us. We left the sensual music and darkness behind and headed up a spiraling staircase to another landing. A shorter staircase popped us onto a loftstyle level. A lushly-carpeted hallway ran overtop a few other living spaces below, giving us a full 360-degree view of what others were doing in the not-so-private places. I’d been up here before. But I’d never been to the private rooms. Mostly they were for the elite members of the club. I didn’t pay for my membership, mostly because I’d been vetted by a girl I’d casually hooked up with. Those who attended regularly, or wanted the extra perks, paid monthly dues. The larger the donation, the more you got out of it. There were a lot of rumors I’d heard from the lower tier members about what they might be. Filly pulled out her membership card from a clever pocket-slit thing in her panties. It was

different than mine. Elaborate scrollwork adorned the back of it, while the front was glossy and smooth. She tapped the the card on a reader latched to the front of the door. It reminded me of an upscale ultra-modern hotel room door. Filly had to be a member if her card looked like that. "I tend to use this as my personal room when I'm here," she said with an impish look. Filly was completely in charge of her sexuality and didn’t have a mote of guilt or shame about her kinks. I heartily approved. The door swished open, and she led us into a tastefully appointed bedroom. The focal point and the room itself was dominated by a California king bed. That motherfucker was huge, larger than a standard king-sized mattress, and could probably fit the whole Badger’s football team on it. A closed door led off into a private bathroom. The bedroom was tastefully decorated with sumptuous carpeting and muted ruby-red walls. Scarves were thrown over the bedside table lamps, creating a hazy fantasy-like ambiance. I didn’t know how the hell they didn’t catch fire. But

I wasn’t an interior decorator. Just a guy enjoying the effect. Directly at the foot of the bed, raised to the same level as the mattress, was a brocade loveseat. Whoever sat there would have an eagleeye view of everything and everyone on the bed. Damn, this was an exhibitionist’s wet dream. “Go ahead and make yourselves comfortable,” Filly said. Her attention wasn't on us anymore. Mia and I were relegated to furniture, the peripheral part of her – their? – fantasy. I led Mia over to the thickly-cushioned couch and sank down onto it. Mia looked up at me, and then her attention went to the live porn show being enacted in front of us. But so much better, which was why I think I enjoyed being a voyeur. These were amateurs, flaws, passion, and all, letting us in and getting us off. Filly crawled into the center of the bed and knelt there. She looked at her men, and slowly peeled the pasties off her breasts. She tossed the

stickers aside and ran her fingers over the pert beads of her tits. Her breasts were a nice handful, but I enjoyed Mia’s abundant curves. The taller of the men, Alpha, followed behind her. The blonde-haired one hung back, watching what was going on in front of him. Alpha wasn’t a first timer, but Beta seemed to be. Alpha ran his palm down Filly’s back, and then hauled off and gave her ass a firm swipe. “Do you like it rough?” She squealed and wiggled on the bed, arranging herself on all fours upon her elbows. She spread her thighs, giving Mia and I a perfect view of her panty-covered pussy. From the scant distance, I saw how soaked she was. Filly quivered, and her ass and thighs shook. “Rough, please, fuck me like you hate me.” Mia shifted beside me and crossed her legs. The subtle wiggle of her hips told me she was grinding her cunt down between her thighs. I stroked my fingers up and down her leg, shifting closer and closer to the apex between them. Alpha hooked his fingers in his shirt and pulled

it off. He'd obviously put some time into the gym. Mia uttered an appreciative murmur as he started stripping. Filly spun around and sat on the bed, her thighs spread wide and knees dangling over the edge. Alpha walked between them, and her fingers ran over his lean hips. She dropped a kiss to his navel and then licked a path down to the front of the zipper. Mia inhaled sharply, and my attention shifted from watching the three of them to focusing entirely on Mia. I dipped my head and nuzzled her ear. "Does the thought of seeing her swallow his cock excite you, angel?" She turned to look at me, but I caught her chin and urged her head back towards the bed. “Don’t look at me, look at them. Think of how thick and hard my cock would be between your lips right now." Mia whimpered. Her lashes fluttered against her cheeks, almost shutting her eyes. But she listened like a good girl and watched as the girl

unsnapped the man's pants. She slipped them and his boxers down. Mia licked her lips, her voice merely a breath that was for my ears only. “Yes, but his cock isn’t as nice as yours.” A brief flash of jealousy burned in my chest, and then quickly disappeared as she widened her thighs, and urged my hand up to the waist of her leggings. I didn't need to be told twice, and I dipped my hand into the front of her pants and panties. Her smooth pussy was boiling hot and soaking wet. She groaned as I rubbed her clit through her puffy pussy lips. I nuzzled her neck and looked towards the bed. Beta had finally joined in and stripped out of his shirt. His pants were open, and he was fisting his cock as the girl went down on Alpha. He stepped up beside his friend, and Filly lifted her head and flashed him a smile. "Don't be greedy, give me some that mouth too." Mia gasped as the girl alternated between their

shafts like some cock-sucking champion. She swallowed one man whole, and then popped up, connecting streamers of spit into the air like silver webs between their cocks before she sucked down the next one. Each time she choked as they tested Filly’s gag reflex, I teased my finger against Mia’s slippery little hole. Her inner walls clenched around my finger, trying to drag me further. I pulled my hand free and sucked the sweet taste of her honey off it. Mia was flushed. Crimson color snapped in her cheeks. Her breathing was labored, and the game had only just begun. I was learning that watching her watch them was more of a turn on for me, then if I was watching them too. "If you be good, I'll eat your pussy while you watch them, but if I see your eyes close I'll stop," I whispered against her ear. "Please," Mia whimpered. I slipped down to my knees on the carpet, and Mia lifted her hips. The girl on the bed was lost in her own

debauched world. But Alpha and Beta watched us over Filly’s braided head. I flashed a wink as I peeled Mia's pants and panties off. She toed off her high-heels, and then she was naked from the waist down before me. I cupped her ass and pulled her to the edge of the couch. She was lost in the hedonistic high, which was exactly what I wanted. I wanted her to stop thinking, and just live and feel. Her thick thighs spread, and her head dropped back, propped up by the couch cushion. But her eyes were open and focused as she watched Filly continue to blow the two guys before her. My head dropped between her legs and I got my first taste of sweetness. It had been too long, and I tackled her cunt, starved for the taste of her. Mia cried out. Her fingers clenched in my hair and pulled me closer. This right here, between Mia’s soft thighs, was my version of heaven.

MIA

OH, MY GOD. I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT HE WAS DOING to me. Heat pulsed through my body, and beneath that, the pressure of Regi’s mouth cranked up the fire. I was completely lost and didn't mind that other people's eyes were on me. It barely impacted me that I was half nude in front of complete strangers. It was as if there was an unspoken agreement that names would not be exchanged, or maybe some club rule I didn’t know. So, they were just two

guys and a girl. A living art show that was intent on getting me off. Because honestly, the two guys were fucking tens. Their bodies were sculpted of pure dedication and ironclad self-control. Christ, the dark-haired one had an eight-pack! A girl could have worst dates. I'd been worried, at least a little concerned, that I wouldn't get aroused over the show. But once they’d begun taking off their clothes, and the girl had sucked down their cock, I realized I was just much of a voyeur as Regi seemed to be. And maybe, a bit of an exhibitionist too. My gaze collided with the dark-haired one. His eyes roamed down the length of my squirming body. He saw everything Regi did to me. How he opened my pussy with his fingers and tongue, flicking and wiggling the tip of it against my hole. Then he licked his lips as if he were tasting me along with Regi. I groaned. My nails clawed at Regi’s scalp as he plunged his tongue deep into my pink little pussy. He was making the hottest suckling sounds, licking and lapping until I shuddered against his

mouth. But h kept me completely on the edge, not pushing me any closer to my climax. I knew what he was doing, it was a technique he’d perfected last year. He would get me so close that I would beg him to do anything to me, and then deny me until I had the most intense orgasm. I watched as the girl shifted. The second guy who’d been slower to join in, but now seemed to be completely into the fantasy, grabbed her by her braid and flung her face-down onto the bed. She squealed as her ass bobbed up, ripe and just begging for him to take a bite. Which I mentally encouraged him to do. He pushed her panties down and mirrored what Regi was doing to me. His mouth pressed between the girl’s firm ass cheeks. And by the way he shook his head and dove in, I just knew he was licking her from that her rusty hole all the way to her clit. She cried out, rocking onto the face behind her. But her moans were silenced as the first guy laid on the bed. His cock was so hard I could see how red it was; flushed and shiny from the skin pulled too tight over something so stiff. Obviously, he still

wanted his dick sucked while his friend muff dived. The three of them sorted themselves into the perfect three-person pleasure-seeking and giving puzzle. Her mouth slipped over one cock, while she rocked back against the tongue delving between her thighs, while the second guy had himself in hand. It was unbelievably erotic to watch, and I lifted one of my thighs and hiked it over Regi’s shoulder. Physically begging him to eat me deeper. I wasn't going to last, not with the eroticism playing out in front of me. I rocked against Regi’s tongue, wriggling and squirming and trying to get it inside me. He knew my tells, and he finally relented. Regi curled his middle finger against my slit and stuffed me deeply with it. I almost closed my eyes, but I knew if Regi saw that, he’d stopped. He fingered that sensitive bundle of nerves which aligned with my clit but on the inside. He manipulated my sweet spot even as his tongue swirled over and around my clit. I shuddered,

gasping as waves of pleasure danced through my body; that delicious climax so close I could taste my screams swelling in my throat. The girl was reaching her own peak. Her squeals grew louder, even though her throat and mouth and cheeks were stuffed with cock. Regi worked harder, as did the guys on the bed. She and I came together, an explosion of oral devotion. My head rocked back against the couch as I pushed into Regi, almost smothering him with my pussy. He moaned against my core and licked up all the honey. Just as the guy on the bed was doing. The poor girl didn’t get any rest, though because the guy who she’d been sucking pulled her off. He produced a condom from the apparently well-stocked drawer beside the bed. The second guy was rummaging through the same drawer, but I didn’t want to miss the show on the bed. The girl had her hips perched above blow-job guy. His hands guided her, pushing and pulling her over his cock. I panted, eyes glued as her juices dripped down his shaft.

God, she was soaking wet. And so was I just watching her about to get fucked. Fuck it was so damn hot I was squirming on the couch, probably leaving a wet spot for someone to clean up later. He tugged on her hips, and I watched the most erotic thing ever. She dropped, and all at once that thick dick disappeared inside of her. I cried out as if I’d been the one pierced by his cock. I shuddered, and Regi shifted me. He picked me up and laid me flat on the couch, my head still angled to see what was happening on the bed. His teeth clenched on my ear. “Sexy, isn’t it? Do you want to get fucked like she is? Does this hot little pussy of yours need my big dick in it?” I was spinning out. My whole body shuddered with arousal. Only as he wedged my thighs apart did I realize he’d shed his pants too, and that his enormous cock was throbbing between my thighs. I wiggled beneath him. “Yes, please fuck me Regi. Fuck me harder than they are fucking her.” Regi rolled his dick against my pussy, but he didn’t shove into me. Oh no. He let me focus on the

threesome as the second guy applied his own condom, and then smeared a generous amount of lube to the girl’s bottom. His finger circled her hole, and my ass clenched in response. She was obviously no novice to anal, and though he worked her up nice and slow, stretching and widening her back door with plenty of lube, it wasn’t long before her voice pitched into the air. “Oh God, oh Jesus fuck my ass, please. I want to feel you both in me.” My toes curled and I rocked up against Regi. My eyes were glued to the scene even as my pussy pleaded for him to fill me. The second guy notched his tip against her ass and eased in nice and slow. The girl grunted as she was exquisitely double-stuffed with cock. For a moment, I envied her. It was a fantasy of mine to have two guys all over me, in me, stretching me almost to my limits. But it was one I’d never entertained, mostly due to how territorial guys were. And now, I never would, because then it would only be fair for Regi to experience two

girls. That wasn’t ever going to happen. I shuddered as Regi mimicked the guy assfucking the girl. He rolled his cock down my slit, pushing into me so slowly I felt every friction-rich slide as he stretched me. I was already about to come, and he was only half inside of him. I clenched around him, deliberately pulsing my muscles. He groaned. "You're so fucking wet, damn you still feel like a virgin.” I knew, after the conversation we had, that I'd been only virgin he’d fucked. And for him to tell me that I was still as tight as I'd been when he'd first had me, pleased me in some odd psychological way. It was as if the time between us, those five years of college and life, didn’t matter. It was like being baptized, born anew without any baggage to weigh us down. The three on the bed picked up pace, the two men alternating strokes so that she was never without a cock deep inside her body. They held her

flat between them, the men grunting as they slammed into her body, and filled the room with the hard slaps of skin-on-skin. I was losing my mind, my pussy was running in rivulets of desperate girl-cream soaking the crack of my ass, when Regi finally slammed his cock into me. The slurp of him entering me was vulgar, telling the three on the bed how aroused I was at their shenanigans. One of the men swore, “Fuck I can hear how wet she is too.” I didn’t understand why knowing that the men on the bed were hearing how wet I was, and how hard Regi was fucking me, turned me on. But it did. I was coming, and Regi had only just begun. I screamed. The sounds of my pleasure-filled cries rang in my head like a gong. Regi bit my lip hard enough to sting. I moaned. This is what I craved. The roughness. I was desperate to drive him as wild as I was. Breaking out the beast he kept carefully caged was my favorite thing. I dug my nails into his back, and left my autograph behind in red welts. He would feel

me tomorrow. I would make sure of it. I locked my legs around Regi, and he drove into me hard, slamming so deep I swore he was going to leave the shape of his cock-head on my cervix. It was that right blend of pleasure and pain. It hurt, just a little bit, but not too much. The deep, meaty thump of his cock inside me increased my pleasure, and sent me soaring. I arched beneath him as the sounds of his body slapping into me surrounded me with the music of our lovemaking. The three on the bed were fucking, exploring the limits of their physical bodies. But this here? This was love. We'd gone past just sex. I was open to him now. My heart was finally willing to take the risk with Regi. He loved me hard and fast that I would always remember the feel of him. That this night, as surprising and kinky as it was, would imprint itself on my synapses. Regi tangled his hand in my hair and yanked me up and into the kiss. I lost sight of the three on the bed, and it was just the two of us; Regi deep inside of me; the hands o my savior roaming down my

body. And then I was coming for him again. I shed my metaphysical skin and was reborn in pleasure and lust and love. I soared, turning into the angel he always called me. I cried out his name, babbled everything I thought and felt, finally finding words that my body had spoken to his for years. In the wake of my orgasm, as Regi shuddered atop me, his body jerked once, and then twice as his balls spilled their load inside me; the mess averted by the condom he’d managed to pull on when I’d been lost in the throes. I felt a change inside me as I flew on wings made of love and lust. Maybe, just maybe, I could be the woman Regi wanted – needed – after all.

REGI

MIA LOVED ME. SHE’D SCREAMED IT FOR EVERYONE IN the room to hear. Her voice rang with clarion conviction as if her orgasms had exercised a demon into the ether. Though, I didn’t think she knew she’d said. She’d been climaxing so hard, I had wondered if I’d get my cock back after. Her passionate words spun through my brain and made me think I might have finally cracked through the vault she’d encased her heart within. If

she remembered she’d said them. The three on the bed had fallen into a tangle. They were a sweat-slick puzzle relaxing after their bedroom Olympics. Their performance had obviously tired them out. Filly snuggled into Alpha’s chest, while Beta laid spread on his back, his chest heaving with exertion. Exhaustion was sketched over Mia as she languidly dressed. She smiled up at me as I held out my hand in offering. She tucked her dainty fingers into my palm, and let me pull her up and into my arms. She snuggled her face into my neck, and we headed to the door. Alpha raised his head. His dark eyes followed our path. “Come back anytime,” he said. His voice held a British lilt. The proper accent came forth with his sleepiness. I suddenly realized just who “Alpha” was. I’d just saw Elijah Blake, co-owner of Xstasy, and one of Madison’s most eligible bachelors, fuck the shit out of some girl. Which meant Beta had to be Bryce Cooper, his business partner. No wonder

they wore yellow, everyone probably wanted a piece of them. Holy shit. I tucked Mia tighter into my side, just in case he decided to make good on the appreciative looks he’d been giving my girl. Not that Mia’s head would turn over prestige and wealth, but I wasn’t taking any chances. She’d obviously found him attractive enough. The club was quiet as he slipped out of surrender, and into the after-midnight hours. That eerie hush which made it seem as if the whole world was asleep. I tucked Mia into my car and drove back to her apartment. She was passed out by the time we arrived, and I didn’t rouse her until I was up and at her door. Gently waking her with a few soft strokes of my fingers through her hair. I scooped her up into my arms the moment her heels clicked on the pavement, and she murmured a soft, sleepy laugh as I carried her into the building. She said something, a lazy murmur I didn’t catch, as I laid her in bed, and got her comfy.

Then, I stripped down to my boxers and climbed in beside her. There was nothing more perfect than this; falling asleep with Mia buried in my side.

THE NEXT MORNING, the man-taming aroma of bacon sizzling on the skillet woke me, as did a soft giggle. I wasn’t ready to face the morning, but I didn’t have much of a choice. Mia yanked the covers off me, and I shot up. “Fuck, it’s cold.” I shivered. Mia danced closer, wearing nothing but the flannel shirt I’d left behind the day before. She held out a peace offering. Coffee. Maybe I could forgive her. “You seem really happy,” I said after a sip. Mm, black as night. Perfect. Mia housed a glow to her skin and a bounce in her step. As if she’d shoved off some unseen weight and more comfortable in her skin. Something more than good sex had occurred, and I

thought back to those three little words she’d screamed as she came. "I guess visiting a sex club does that's a girl." I waggled my brows at her. "I must've done something right to get breakfast in bed." "Who said anything about breakfast in bed? I might be bringing you coffee, but your food is on the table." Mia tossed her head, sending her slightly-frizzy hair sailing over her shoulder, and marched out of the bedroom. I admired the bounce to her ass cheeks where they peeped out beneath my shirt. That reminded me of a saying I’d once heard. A man's shirt on the female body is like a conquered fortress. I grinned, got up, and took a quick detour to the bathroom to drain the lizard. Then, I walked into a vision of domestic paradise. Mia sat at the breakfast nook she’d created between the kitchen and the living room. She was browsing the web on her phone and nibbling on a slice of buttered toast. I leaned against the door

jamb, and just watched her. This was everything I’d hoped for. Just a small slice of normalcy, and being allowed to be part of a simple ritual with her; waking up together and eating breakfast. “Your food’s getting cold. Are you just going to stand there and gawk at me?” Mia fluttered her eyes up away from her phone and gave a sassy wink. One that made my palm twitch to spank the naughty out of her. She went back to reading the news, or email before I decided if I was going to toss her bare-ass on the table or give her a pass. My bare feet whispered over the tile and then sank into the carpet as I joined her. She'd piled my plate with eggs and bacon. "What are your plans for today?" I piled a forkful of scrambled eggs into my mouth and then shoved a whole slice of bacon in. I grimaced and looked down at the monstrosity Mia tried feeding me. “This isn’t bacon.” Mia shook her head. “Of course it is. It’s turkey bacon.” I pushed the offending thing to the side of my plate. “Like I said. Not bacon,” I grunted. She was

now up to two spanks. Mia sniffed. “What is with men and bacon? It’s so damn salty. Anyway!” She narrowed her eyes at me. “I want to check in with Angela and Licia.” A fleeting expression of grief born and died on her face. No matter what happened, the five of us – including Jackson – would be touched for life by what we’d witnessed and knew. “Do you work today?" I spent the weekends as a delivery driver for the Pizza Pit. Saturday and Sunday were the only two days of the week I had any time to make some extra cash. Which, wasn’t that the plight of most college students? I nodded, "Yes, you're lucky you're out of the halls of academia." "You know, I'm really proud that you're sticking with it," Mia said. She tossed the crust from her toast onto her plate and stole the horrible baconish thing she’d attempted to poison me with. She regarded me across the table as she ate the crispy slice of pseudo-pork. I swallowed a sip of coffee. "Why are you

proud?" It was an odd thing for her to say, but warmth filled my chest. I liked this idea that my girl was proud. "Because you had your whole life planned. You knew what you wanted to do before we even graduated high school. You were going to Penn State and becoming a doctor. And even though things changed in a huge way, that might have deterred other people, you didn’t let it stop you. You’re still here plugging away at your dream." "I guess it was kind of abnormal that I always knew that I was meant to be a doctor. Some days, though, when I'm exhausted from studying and looking at all the debt that I'm going to be facing for the next thirty years, I wonder if it’s worth it." I’d never confessed my doubts to anyone before. Mostly because those around me were in the same boat. My friends were chained to a mountain of upcoming bills, and my parents had always wished they’d finished college. But they’d had me young, and college hadn’t been in the cards for them. Still, they were still together, and still in love, despite a youngish pregnancy.

"You're going to be saving people, I think that is one of the noblest goals that anybody can have." I wiped my mouth with a napkin and leaned towards Mia. "You sound kind of wistful." Mia cocked her head. "Not really wistful. I can’t handle the sight of blood. Ick. But it's a very noble goal. Sometimes I wonder if I'm wasting my life trying to get people to buy products that they might want, but definitely don't need." "Are you happy with what you do?" "I like when an idea comes together," Mia said thoughtfully. “Right now, I don't really have much of a hand in the ad campaigns and the marketing aspect, but from what I do get to see of the planning and organization, it's really exciting. Even if it's kind of…mercenary?" "Maybe you can take what you learn there, and join a nonprofit or another company that is less about selling people a new car, and more about informing the public about new cancer treatments. Or hot button topics that are important to you. I know you, you’re never without a cause. Just because you are a marketer doesn't mean you have

to market products." I curled my fingers around Mia’s and stroked her knuckles with my thumb. Just being able to touch her anytime I wanted was a novel experience, one I didn’t think I’d ever tire of. "You're one smart cookie, Regi," Mia said. “Don’t let my fan club know. They think I’m just a pretty face.” I grinned and lifted her hand to my lips when she scowled at me. Possessiveness flashed in her eyes, and I fucking loved it. “Hadn't you thought of that track before?" "No, I really hadn't. I never thought of putting my degree to that sort of application. It always seemed that when you went into public relations and marketing, that you were pushing jewelry and luxury goods. Not things that people may need.” I could practically see her mind whirring through the possibilities. I leaned over to take the table and stole a buttery kiss. "You can be anything you want to be.” Mia smiled at me and ran her fingers across the stubble which adorned my cheek. "Do you want to join me in the shower?"

I shifted as my cock hardened. "After denying you yesterday, hell yes." Mia pushed away from the table and sashayed past me. I let her get halfway before I grabbed her shirttails and pulled her back and into my waiting palm. She squealed as I snapped a spank over her ass. Her bronzed skin immediately flushed with the shape of my hand. She cupped her stinging cheeks with her palms and huffed at me over her shoulder. “What was that for?” “For your sass. Hold still, you have one more.” “Oh, no you don’t!” Mia pulled out of my grip and ran away from me. I grinned and stalked after my prey. Her outraged squeals urged me on. “Every time you run, I will chase you.” She’d made it to the living room before I cut her off. The plaid swung around her thighs and hips. The sides were cut high, me with the fact that I knew she was naked beneath it. She tried to run right, but I feigned left and then snagged her around the waist as she tried to dash

by me. I carried my prize down to the ground, pinning her with my body as she thrashed beneath me. “You really thought you could out maneuver a football player,” I taunted her. Her eyes roiled with heat. Her pussy was already leaving wet kisses on my upper leg. But she pretended to fight some more, struggling as her tits bounced and strained the buttons on my shirt. “Let me go you big brute!” I pried her thighs apart with my knee. “Is that what you really want, angel? Do you really want me to leave this wet pussy of yours all alone and empty?” She sucked in a sharp breath. Her eyes dilated into wells of lust. “Jesus, how do you do that to me?” I ran my hand up and squeezed one of her plaid-covered breasts. “Do what? Make you so wet I can feel your pussy juices running down my leg?” She threw her head back. Her throat tensed with a moan. “Yes,” she hissed.

“Because I broke you in. Your pussy knows who controls her.” I held her irate glare, and then tore my shirt off her. She was deliciously naked beneath me. High color painted crimson on her cinnamon skin, and made her nipples flush like stemless cherries. I sucked stiff tip, and then nibbled it. She cussed me out as I roped pleasure around her. Fuck, I needed her. I held her wrists in one hand, keeping her hostage beneath me, and shoved my boxers down. Then I got right between her thighs, before freezing. Fuck. Condom. Her eyes snapped down watching how my naked dick plumped her lips. “I’m safe,” she shuddered. The idea of me taking her bare-back had her pussy just gush all over me. Did my girl like the idea of me stuffing a cream pie into her? I gritted my teeth, trying not to blow my load already. “So am I, I get tested often.” “Do it, I’ve never…had anyone come in me

before.” Damn, the idea really turned her on. She was panting hard, her eyes wild as she urged me on, and begged me to plant my flag inside her juicy muff. “Is it the idea of me being bare inside you, filling you with my come, or the threat of getting you pregnant that has you turned on so much?” I wiggled my cock against her slit in a threat. If she didn’t answer, she wasn’t getting the D. “All of it,” she cried out. “Fuck, all of it. The danger of you knocking me up, feeling your cock inside me, and then having your come drip out of me.” “Dirty little angel slut,” I growled down at her. Then I slammed into her hungry slit, my dick a heat-seeking torpedo shot out of an eager launch bay. She screamed as I seated myself inside of her until her nether lips stretched like a ring around the root of my cock. “So much better than I ever thought it would be,” I groaned. Fuck, how was I going to go back

to condoms again with her now that I had felt her pussy melting buttery hot? She shuddered and rolled her hips against mine. “Pl…please.” When she begged, I was lost. I gave her everything I had. Our fucking was rough and brutal. I held her wrists tight enough that I might have left bruises behind. Her body collided with mine, and there was a serious case of rug burn to her back and my knees. But when she finally came shrieking around me, and I filled her to overflowing with all my come, I knew life couldn’t get any more perfect. What a way to kick off the weekend.

MIA

“YOU DIDN’T NEED TO COME WITH ME,” I SAID AS JO strolled through the West Towne Mall beside me. The two-story mall was filled with teeny-boppers walking through the stores just to be seen by their friends, and soccer moms attempting to get some much-needed alone time in. I’d stopped in to see how Angela was doing. Except Jo didn’t know where she was. Angela had been gone before she woke up. Kevin was with a client at the gym, and Jo had some time before her

evening shift at the Old Fashioned; a refurbished speakeasy turned upmarket pub. With limited time that really meant one thing: shopping therapy. Even if it was an hour, it would allow us to hang together and meet our issues head-on. I wasn’t sure things were 100% fixed between us, but they weren’t awkward either. I had hoped we could build a stronger foundation now that all my secrets and lies were exposed. “I needed to get out. As soon as we got home yesterday morning Angela barricaded herself in the bathroom and shaved her head.” I still couldn’t believe that. Jo had told me right away, but my brain was having a difficult time accepting that Angela had gone full Britney Spears circa her meltdown year, and lopped off all her hair. I’d known Angela for a while now. Over two years. She was in the last part of her communications degree, and I was in marketing, so sometimes our classes overlapped. And during that time, she’d always had that perfect, silky hair. She’d been a modern-day Rapunzel with this

gorgeous mane that went to her waist. The color was amazing too, a soft champagne shade the kind no amount of money would duplicate. “Do you think she’ll be okay?” I couldn’t shake my guilt. Even though I had nothing to do with what happened to Angela, it didn’t sound as if she were handling her assault alright. “If she gets counseling, yes. I think so.” Jo chewed on her bottom lip. It was a casual reaction, but I knew it was a sign that she wasn’t quite sure she believed what she’d said. We rounded the area near the food court and passed the huge three-store face of our favorite lingerie shop. “We need to go into Victoria’s Secret,” Jo said. Shopping with my newly confident best friend was a change from the normal. While we both loved Ms. Victoria, I’d always had to twist her arm to go in. I loved what Kevin had done for her. “Who are you and what have you done with my best friend,” I teased. Jo laughed and dragged me towards the mall

bathrooms. “Hold that thought I have to pee.” She piled her bags into my arms, luckily taking her big ass pink coat with her, and bounced into the lady’s room. Everyone in the world seemed to be congregating in the food court. I struggled beneath her jacket and mine and leaned against the wall. I couldn’t even check my phone. So, I did my second favorite thing other than Facebook and Instagram. I people watched. Even to this day, I can’t say what caught my eye. There were so many people to look at; young and old; punk and pretty; harried and ultra-casual. I didn’t normally check out older guys. Especially now that I was with Regi, I just wasn’t interested in anything then a quick glance over a true beefcake. Being that we were all wrapped up in bulky sweaters, and huge coats, it was hard to tell who had the body, and who was just fluff. The man standing in front of China Wok looked familiar. But it was the girl who gripped my attention.

She looked like Licia. Except she was paler and younger. I blinked. My attention trailed upwards and back to the man. It hit me like a hydrogen bomb who they were. Surely, I was hallucinating. What were the odds that he would be here of all places? I took a step closer, drawn to them as if they were magnets and I was a hapless bit of metal. I stopped within touching distance, but it was my words which were my undoing. “Dad?” I hadn’t meant to speak aloud. But the title, one he didn’t deserve, burst free. The man’s — my father — head whipped around and he stared at me. There was no mistaking who he was. While I had my mother’s body type and dusky skin, my father and I had the same exact eye color and shape. It was like looking into a mirror and meeting my own eyes. The girl turned her head at my startled comment. Her eyes widened, the sherry brown iris so alike Licia’s and mine, as she looked at me, and

then up at our sperm donor. Holy shit, I had a sister. Another sister. The bags I held hit the ground with a thump as my arms dropped. “Dad, who is this?” The girl — my mother fucking sister — couldn’t have been much younger than Licia. Maybe sixteen, which meant she’d already been born, or her mother had at least already been pregnant when dad had abandoned us. Was she why he left? Did he have a whole new family he’d hidden away before leaving mom and me and Licia? Pain coiled around my chest like an anaconda, threatening to crush me to death. I thought I was over this. I thought I’d buried any notion I’d had of wanting him in my life. God, I was a damn fool. I was a little girl again with her face pressed against the window just begging for him to turn around and return to us. Dad’s jaw tightened, pulling firm the flesh along his jaw. He gripped the girl — my sister. Oh, God — by the arm. She flinched, and my memory

stirred as my gaze sharpened on his rough fingers. I remembered those bruising grips. My bicep stung in sympathy for her. His gaze cut through me, and sliced into the residual little girl hope I nurtured. While he didn’t sneer, the apathy in his voice hurt more than any anger could. “She’s no one. Absolutely no one.” I couldn’t breathe. My lungs were paralyzed as he jerked the girl away. My throat clotted with unshed tears, The brutality in his grip hadn’t changed. She whined, trying to pry his hand off her arm, as he physically dragged her away, leaving me stunned in the wake of his cruelty. He’d known who I was. I’d seen the recognition in his eyes. I was too hurt to cry, too numb to feel anything but the flutter of my elevated pulse; deaf and blind to everything but the yawning chasm of parental betrayal sucking me under. I simply stared at the retreating form of my dad and half-sister. I watched them until the crowd swallowed them up and they disappeared as if they’d never existed. I don’t know how long I stood speechless,

wrapped in the growing nimbus of pain when Jo found me. She was touching my arm, her words soft and insistent, shaking me from my coma. What was she saying? I couldn’t grasp the words. They were gibberish until the world around me snapped into clarity like a rubber band pulled too far suddenly breaking. “Mia, talk to me. What’s wrong? God, you’re white as a ghost.” Worry laced Jo’s words as she guided me away from the restaurant. She gathered the bags I’d dropped after tucking me against the jamb between a storefront window and a wall. She handled me delicately as if she thought was I was going to shatter into a million porcelain pieces; Mia on the wall and no amount of king’s men would be able to put me together again. Jo piled our shopping bags on the ground. The rustle of the paper was somehow louder than the hum of a hundred-people talking and walking by us. I couldn’t form the words. It was too cruel. Too real. Too fresh. How had I thought that the wounds my father left behind were healed? They weren’t. They were bloody and infected with truth. He’d

said it clearly. I am no one. I jerked away from Jo. “I need to go.” Jo blinked at me, her brown eyes large and confused. “Mia…” I shook my head. My flight instinct was in high gear. I couldn’t stick around. I couldn’t even utter the depths of the pain lingering in my soul. Jo might have known a bit about my father’s abandonment, but I’d never delved into the shit. “I can’t.” My voice cracked. I was holding it together by a thread. I didn’t want to make a scene or have some epic meltdown in the middle of the mall. I pulled my jacket on, trying to find warmth despite the ice that grew inside me, and grabbed my shopping bags. Jo sighed. Her brow puckered with confusion, and I was sure she was going to argue. Finally, she nodded. “Text me, okay?” She slung her arms around me, pulling me into a hug that almost set the waterworks off. “Okay,” I croaked. Then I bolted, trying to outrun the thought

pounding into my head like a sledge hammer. Nobody. Nothing. Not good enough.

REGI

JO: THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MIA. The text arrived out of the blue as I was driving back to the pizzeria. Five simple words towing worry and dread behind it. Me: What happened? Jo: I don’t know. She spaced out at the mall. Me: Where’s she at? Jo: I think she’s at home. Me: Is she answering texts?

Jo: No. She ran like she does when she’s upset. Everything had been perfect this morning. Was there such a thing as too perfect? Was I cursed because I’d had a charmed life? I cut a sharp U-turn and sped to Mia’s apartment. Occasionally my phone buzzed, alerting me to another text. But I was focused on my goal: getting to Mia as quickly as possible. Only when the car was parked in front of her building did I glance at the incoming messages. All of them were from Jo, asking for an update, asking me if I was going to see Mia. Like I’d leave my girl alone if she was upset or having a bad day. Nervousness built like static electricity inside me as I rode the elevator up. I knew Mia and how she handled stress. Something had triggered her to run, to push Jo away during their girl’s day out, and hole up in her apartment. At least I speculated as much. I’d know more if Mia was at home. Finally, I was outside of her apartment. We

hadn’t gotten around to exchanging keys yet. I hadn’t wanted to push her too soon. I knocked quietly and pitched my voice low through the door. “Mia babe it’s me. Let me in.” Silence. I frowned and pressed my ear to the door. “Honey, are you in there? Jo said you ran off at the mall.” If I hadn’t heard the soft rustle of fabric and the low tones of the television set I would have thought no one was inside. But it was there, a whisper of sound from someone moving around. When Mia was upset, and hiding from the world, she dove into movies and wouldn’t emerge for days. “I know you’re in there.” I knocked again, a loud clap that told her in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t leaving. Not until she said something. “Leave me alone.” Mia’s voice was raspy, holding a broken quality that spoke of hours spent crying. What had brought her to tears? Who was I going to have to kill? Worry and helpless rage built inside my chest. I wished Mia would lean on me

when she was feeling out of sorts. Maybe, in a few years, she would come to me instead of turning into a hermit. Our relationship was still too new to expect her to reach out to me first. I’d prove to her that she could trust me with her hurt. “I’m not going to leave you alone. Not when you’re upset.” I rattled the door. “Come on angel, open the door.” Mia’s voice sounded closer, and I could almost picture her behind the door wrapped in a fleece blanket and sadness. “This isn’t happening, Regi.” Her voice was flat, lacking any affect; dead and lifeless; a monotone that scared the fuck out of me. When Mia was upset, she wrapped herself up in her emotions. She lived them and then exorcised them. I’d never heard her sound so hollow. “What isn’t happening?” Something monumental had happened. What had transpired at the Mall? “Us,” she whispered. Fuck. I closed my eyes and braced my forehead to the solid wooden door. “Mia, don’t do this. Talk

to me.” Shadows slipped into the hallway in the shape of spikes; the slight silhouette of moving feet beneath the door. Mia’s voice was closer, a hoarse rasp that spoke of pain and tears swallowed like vials of acid. “There’s nothing to say. I was stupid for thinking I could do this. I’m nobody. I’m nothing. You deserve someone better.” I inhaled sharply. I knew I could break the door down. But her neighbors would likely call the police on me, and I didn't want to agitate my already emotionally fragile girl. “We’ve been doing great. You promised you’d give us a chance. You promised me six months. Don’t do this, please.” I couldn’t control the bitterness which seeped through my words. I thought we were past this push-pull aspect of our relationship. I didn’t want to be caught in the break-up/make-up cycle. That was left to high-school and drama mongers. “We were.” Her voice was loudest it had been, signifying how close she was. Only the door

separated us. I pressed my palm flat as if I could touch her through the wood grain. “Then let me in. Let me take this pain from you.” My poor girl. Her pain was visceral; almost a tangible entity born in every word she uttered. Silence rippled through the fragile connection I was attempting to foster with her. I stood on pinsand-needles, and mentally implored her to let me gather the shattered pieces and hold them close. I would be shelter for her in this storm. “I can’t.” There weren’t even tears in her voice as she broke my heart anew. Just a calm finality. “Goodbye, Regi.” “Fuck that, Mia. No fucking way. Open the door.” I shook the knob, threatening mortal violence to the stupid fucking thing keeping me away from Mia. She didn’t answer me. No matter how much I banged on the door. She’d cut me out of her life again, carved me from her heart. I would have stayed there hammering on Mia’s door if her neighbor hadn’t popped out. “If you don’t leave I’m calling the cops,” the

old biddy snapped, scowling at me over the frame of her glasses. Shit. I stepped away, at war with what I should do. Every fiber of my being told me to break the damn door down and rescue my damsel. But this wasn’t a fairytale. This was life, and that sort of behavior would earn me a trip down to the clink. Fuck me sideways. Raking a hand through my hair, I gave the women a curt nod. “Sorry.” “I don’t care if you’re sorry. Just stop making a ruckus, I can’t hear my shows.” Her face fell into disapproving folds and then she dipped back into her apartment with a loud bang. I cast one more look at Mia’s door. I slapped it one more time. “Fucking hell, Mia. This isn’t over.” Then I turned and left; every footstep heavier than the other; leaden shoes encasing my feet as I walked away from Mia’s apartment. There was one place I had to go, and then I would be back.

**

“I NEED THE KEY, Jo.” I paced through the living room in the apartment Jo shared with Angela. I’d been over a few times, back when Angela and I were fuck-buddies, but I hadn’t been inside since that ended last year. Jo chewed on the edge of her nail, almost ripping stripes off the cuticle with her agitation. “That would be betraying Mia’s trust. She told you she didn’t want to see you, right?” I spun on my feet, wanting to shake the purplehaired girl in front of me. “She’s not in her right mind!” Jo’s brow rose, and her eyes grew icy. “Why? Because she broke up with you?” “Fine, then you come. Open the door, go in, make sure she’s alright.” “You know how she is. When she’s upset, she turns into a popcorn-munching, movie-aholic hermit. She’ll be fine.” Jo hauled herself to her

slipper-clad feet — were those fucking cats? — and joined me in pacing. “You didn’t hear her, Jo. She didn’t sound fine.” I didn’t hear Angela leave her bedroom until her voice snapped like a whiplash. “Just give him the key. I’m tired of hearing you two bicker.” If I hadn’t known what Angela sounded like, I would never have realized the girl in the hallway was my ex-fling. She’d changed drastically in forty-eight hours. Her hair was gone, leaving a soft pale-blonde peach fuzz covering her scalp. It was sexy, in the way that the model Amber Rose, was. Except I don’t think she’d done it to attract attention but to downplay her looks. She wore a heavy black tunic and baggy jeans. Her pale blue eyes were sharp and hard, haunted by the rings of depression beneath them. Angela had always been thin, but her cheekbones were razor sharp above the hollows beneath them. Had she eaten in the past two days? Fuck, the doctor in me rose to the forefront, and it took everything I can to curb it. I didn’t think she’d

appreciate me giving her orders to eat and get help. Jo paled when she saw her roomie. “I didn’t know you were home.” “Give him the key, alright?” Angela spun around and stalked back to her bedroom. The door slammed shut with a loud BANG. Both of us were stunned into silence. “She needs help,” I finally said. I knew the signs. If she wasn’t spinning out, she was teetering on the line. Shit, I’d been a counselor for the HelpLine after all. Jo offered me a jerky nod. While she was studying to be a therapist, I think this above her knowledge. Angela needed a real PH.D. “Yes.” I swallowed. “Will you give me the key to Mia’s apartment, please Jo?” I hated that I sounded as if I were begging, but right about now, I’d do anything to help my girl. I didn’t want her to turn into a wisp of herself like Angela currently was. Jo’s eyes strayed down the hallway. “Okay. Give me a minute.” I paced around Jo’s living room as she

disappeared into her bedroom. It was only a few seconds, but it felt like hours until she returned. She handed me a pink gemstone keychain with a single key suspended from it. I held my hand out for her. Jo gripped it as indecision warred over her face. Finally, she dropped it into my waiting palm. Her eyes searched mine. “Go save our girl, Regi.” I nodded, and then bolted from Jo’s apartment. Mia might think I would just accept her “breaking up” with me in good grace. But that shit wasn’t happening anymore. I’d let her go once when we’d gone off to college. I didn’t chase her or pursue her like I should have when I came to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. And I hadn’t chased her the entire year after she’d stormed out of my apartment. This time, I was doing things differently.

MIA

HOW MANY TEARS HAD I CRIED? I didn’t know what day it was, let alone what hour. Had it only been this morning that I’d sank into my bed, mummified myself in blankets, and tried to drown out the voices in my head? My whole body ached, and my brain was an echo chamber for the words my dad had tossed at me; careless bombs obliterating what I’d thought of myself. It was any wonder the wound in my heart

hadn’t caused me to bleed out on my sheets. No one. She’s no one. Depression dragged me under, and I slept throughout the day. Compounding matters was my emotional turmoil over Regi. His scent clung to the cotton, and I mindlessly hugged the pillow to my chest. I’d known I wasn’t capable of love. I wasn’t worthy of Regi, or anyone for that matter. My dad had seen that when I was nine years old, and he reaffirmed it today. He’d chosen his new family over Licia and I. Twenty-four years later, he probably wished he’d masturbated or made mom swallow, instead of knocking her up. The hurt in Regi’s voice when I’d sent him away poked me as if a monster roosted in my soul. I’d proved how fucked up I was. Maybe now Regi would see there was no saving me. Pride, and Prejudice, and Zombies played in the background. I’d seen the movie a few times, and the shambling groans of the zombies created a buzz of white noise. Usually, it soothed my brain,

putting it into silent mode so I could get some rest. But even my usual ritual wasn’t helping sew closed the hole in my soul. God, what had I done? Did I really break up with Regi? The sobs which ripped from my throat took me by surprise. I rarely cried, and never over a guy. But the sudden realization that I’d tossed Regi away leaped onto me; rabid claws and all. I smothered my face in his pillow, and let the current of my misery carry me away. I was sucked under and into a whirlpool of sorrow. I’d created this reality, and now I had to swim in it or drown. I must have dozed off because I woke up in a dream. Regi was with me, his large hand smoothing back my tear-matted hair. “Oh angel, what happened.” Regi’s voice was thick as if he wanted to cry with me too. I gave my dream-Regi a watery smile. “I wish you were really here, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for everything.” My eyes stung as my tear ducts reloaded, and I buried my face in the pillow again. Knowing Regi

would disappear because I’d sent him away, I couldn’t face the world right now. Except, he didn’t disappear. His arms were real and solid around me, pulling me from my nest of pillows and blankets, and into his arms. Clarity clicked around me as his scent, and heat, rode through the misery I burrowed myself into. I gaped up at him, my tears drying in the wake of my shock. “How are you here.” The apartment door had been locked. He’d banged and growled and demanded to be let in, but I’d stone-walled him. Yet, he was in my bedroom. Very real, and still loving me. My shriveled heart swelled to near bursting inside my chest. He was here. Regi was here. “Do you really think a locked door and you telling me to go away would work?” His broad brows skittered towards his hairline. Though his eyes were dark and shadowed with worry, a touch of wry humor sculpted his mouth. I blinked at him. “Yes, I…yes.” It had worked last year. I’d told him to go away and he’d gone. We hadn’t talked for a year.

“That isn’t going to work anymore.” His fingertips drifted up my face, barely touching me as if he were afraid of my reaction. I leaned into his hand, and he curved his palm against my cheek. “I love you, Mia. You promised me six months, and dammit, I want every single one of them. I learned my lesson the last time you threw me out of your life. It fucking hurt, not just me, but you too. Even if you tried to bury it. Would I be worthy of your forgiveness and this second chance if I let you waffle on your promise?” His arms tightened around me. It was almost hard to breathe he held me so tightly, but it was worth it. “How did you get in?” His upper lip quirked. “Don’t be mad, but I harassed Jo until she gave me her spare key. That’s what took me so long. She’s a good friend to you, and wouldn’t give them up without a fight.” A faint grin fluttered over my mouth. Jo could be fierce when she needed to be. I could just imagine her standing up to Regi and telling him to pound sand. “How did you know I needed you?”

Had I ever really let someone in before? When my emotions grew too jagged I ran away. I closed myself off until the damage to my walls was repaired. But Regi hadn’t let that happen. He’d taken a damn catapult and threw himself over the spikes, barb-wire, and booby traps I’d laid, taking the risk that I needed him. He was a damn white knight. I didn’t care what he thought of himself. “You didn’t sound like yourself. You were so happy this morning, and then you were just… vacant this afternoon.” His thumb wiped away the salty residue of my tears. “What happened?” Tears climbed my throat again, and I tucked my face into Regi’s shoulder. I could barely get the words free. “I saw my father.” But there was more than my father. “I have another sister. She’s…not much younger than Licia. I could have more siblings that I don’t even know about.” Regi stroked his hand up and down my spine in soothing circles. “I know seeing your father, and finding that out would hurt, but there’s more to it.

What happened? Did he say something?” My healing heart cracked. Could I tell Regi what he said? Could I let him see behind this mask I wore, that I wasn’t really a person? I wasn’t worthy of him. I was nothing. I held onto him tighter, and clung to him because I knew once he saw me like my father did, he’d leave. He would realize I wasn’t worth his attention. He was only here now because he worried about me. “Mia,” he whispered into my hair. “Let it out.” “He looked me in the eyes when she…she asked me who I was, and he said I was no one. I’m nothing Regi. I’m a nobody. Not worth anyone's love. His. Yours. Jo’s. Once you see it you’ll leave too.” I blurted out my confession and waited for it to all fall apart. “That sonuvabitch.” Regi breathed fire his voice was so hot with anger. His reaction was not at all what I expected. I dared to lift my head. His amber-burnished skin was mottled with crimson. His eyes brimmed with

anger. But not at me, at my father. The vault I’d locked my heart inside sprung open as if Regi were a goddamn safe cracker. “I love you,” I whispered. I’d suspected, while in the throes of passion, I’d said as much when we’d been at Xstasy. But I wanted him to hear it, and see the truth of it in my eyes. “I think I always have.” Regi’s thumb stroked the dip below my lip. “I always hoped you did, and would finally see it. I hate that it took your fuck-face of a father for you to break down the rest of your walls and see what you truly feel, but I’m thankful too.” “I thought, if I shared with you what he saw in me, you’d see it too. Like, pointing a spotlight on all my flaws. You didn’t see them before, and then suddenly you would.” I held my breath after my confession. Regi made it clear to me that he wasn’t going anywhere, but it would take me awhile to really believe it. I was an old dog who needed to learn new tricks. “I won’t say that was stupid because you truly believed that.” He kissed me on the nose. “But that

was silly, Mia. I know you. I’m not wearing rosetinted glasses and in love with an illusion. I might call you angel, but you can be just as much of a demon at the same time. Love isn’t easy, it’s not some fairytale where everything will go perfectly all the time. But, it’s worth it.” “Did your parents teach you that?” I had always envied his seemingly perfect family life, and how effortless they’d made it seem. But it sounded as if I was the one who’d been enamored with a fantasy, and Regi had his feet planted solidly on the ground. “Yes.” He kissed me lightly. “It takes work and dedication to make a relationship last through the trials of life. That’s one thing they taught me and my brother. Don’t give up. Hold onto what matters to you. I thought I was giving you what you wanted when I should have held you close.” “When we were younger it wouldn’t have worked. But last year? Yeah, maybe it would have.” His mouth twitched into a wry agreement at my words. “Hindsight and all that, angel. We’re here

now, together, and that’s all that matters.” I melted into Regi and held him tight. For the first time, I truly felt the love he offered me and could offer it in return. “Will you stay and watch movies with me,” I whispered against his chest. I’d lost the whole day, maybe more. Did he still have to work? Did he ditch it for me? He nuzzled his face into my curls. “Yes, I’m here for the whole weekend. Whatever you want to do, let’s do it. I’m here for you, always.” I looked up into his face and saw the future. I exhaled a shuddering breath, and let my past slip into mist. Somehow, Regi had done it. He’d saved me. And I loved him for it with every breath I took and beat of my heart.

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EXCERPT OF KISS ME NOW

Here is a little tease of Kiss me Now, Angela and Jackson’s story. Pre-order KISS ME NOW at Amazon.

One Jackson

The good times were coming to an end, and I would be the bearer of bad news. Damn. The keg gurgled as I pressed the tap against the rim of my cup. I held it at an angle, trying to keep the foam filling the nozzle from polluting my drink, and get one last shot of fermented heaven from the barrel. Instead, the hose hissed as bubbles blew through the tubing. Motherfucker. It was dry. Which meant the keg would have to be switched. It wasn’t my job, but it was only ‘polite’ to inform the host that they were running out of booze before the natives grew restless. The party around me was hopping, even if the music made me feel old. I was in my last semester of college, and I was elbow-to-elbow with a bunch of fucking teeny boppers. Then again, the play list wasn’t really for me, but the honeys that were wriggling their asses off in tiny dresses. No matter how old I got, they always stayed the same. You could usually tell the difference between those beginning their college

career, and those at the end. It came down to layers: froshies were all sky-high heels and bare legs, while the older girls rolled in wearing sweats and hoodies. Ultimately I didn’t care what they wore. All women were pink where it mattered. Two possibilities sauntered my way. Their hips swung like pendulums just begging my gaze to follow. “Aren’t you Jackson Clark?” A bubbly blonde with double-D boobs giggled. I don’t know how she wasn’t falling out of her dress, but fuck was I glad for her clothing choice. I flashed her a come-hither smile. I loved when I was recognized. “I am.” While our—the Badgers-football season had ended right at the beginning of the offseason, baseball was coming up in another two months. I wondered which sport they followed, or if they’d heard that some of the team would be here, and they decided to brush up on their sports banter. “You were amazing last year. That home run

against the Oklahoma Sooners last year was magical.” The brunette seemed a true fan as she smiled at me. She had stars in her eyes, and the blonde nodded eagerly. I grinned, but it wasn’t because they knew sports. No, it was because I was pretty sure they were a sure thing. I flashed them a wink, and they wove together as if starstruck. Damn. This might just be the beginning of a letter to Penthouse; a fantasy in the making. While I wasn’t sure I could get both of them into my bed, I had to try. What was the worse they could do, tell me no? Regi O’Connell blew my mojo as he appeared at my side. “I need your help.” His low-pitched voice broke over the music, and the girls giggled when they saw him. Yeah, he was as infamous as I was. “What do you need?” I kicked back a sip of my brewski and winked at the brunette who kept running her tongue over her upper lip. She gave all the signals of a girl who wanted something in her

mouth, and I was more than willing to volunteer to be her suck-toy. “Are you drinking?” I shifted as guilt, shame, and excuses prickled me. I glanced into my cup and winced. I wasn’t supposed to be drinking. I was on shift. Yet somehow, as the night wore on, beer wound up in my hand, and in my gut. I looked over at Regi. He was sober as a monk and beyond pissed. I shrugged and took a swig of my beer. “Yeah.” “Fuck, Jackson. Jesus fuck.” Regi slapped the beer out of my hand, splashing the girls as my cup went tumbling. They squealed, shooting Regi angry looks. Shaking their arms, they slinked off to mop up. Damn. There went my evening fun. I glared at Regi. What the fuck was his problem? “What do you need? You’re ruining my buzz.” Regi’s fingers dug into my tattooed bicep. “Yeah? You think I’m ruining your buzz? Follow

me.” Fury all but levitated Regi through the house as he shoved people out of the way. I sighed and followed him. The quicker I figured out what burr crawled up his ass, the faster I could rejoin the ladies. It was easy for the two of us to crash through the party goers. He and I were the same height, rocking six-feet-five easily. Though I liked to claim I had an inch or two on Regi, if you put the two of us back-to-back, I’d be taller only because of my hair. While I was broader, he was faster. We were both offensive linemen for the Badgers, and though it was off season now for the University of Wisconsin-Madison football team, we still kept in contact. Regi hurried up the stairs and cut a racing curve around the landing. He almost barreled over some schmuck who had been leaning against the banister. Why was he in such a rush? I tossed a wink at a girl who caught my arm as I passed.

“Jackson,” she purred. “Later, baby doll.” Regi stopped in front of a bedroom door. I arched a brow. “I’m not into guys,” I joked. “Shut up,” Regi growled. He was pissed, and I wondered at who. Me, or the person — or persons — inside. Had his old lady got caught stepping out on him? Hell, I didn’t even know Regi had a steady chick. He and I were, in some ways, cut from the same cloth. Regi had a reputation as a man-whore. For me, it was hard to settle down when there were so many girls flinging their panties my way. “What has your panties in a wad,” I muttered. Regi’s fingers tightened on the door. “You fucked up.” Anger burst through my veins in a torrent. What did he mean by that? I was in no mood to pick a fight with him, though, so I tamped down my desire to take a swing at him. If coach caught us fighting offseason, he would bench us when football came back in. Regi shoved open the door and waved me in. At first, I wasn’t sure what I was looking at.

There were three girls on the bed and a guy on the ground. Was there an orgy going on? My brain was slow to catch up, and when it did, I realized what Regi meant. “What the fuck is going on in here?” I’d meant to whisper it, but my voice boomed as horror dawned nice and slow; a rising tide that started at my feet and scaled my body until it nailed crashed over my head. This is my fault.

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EXCERPT OF DIRTY CEO

Have you heard about my collaboration with Mickey Miller? Dirty CEO, the first book in our Windy City Bad Boys series, releases March 14, 2017. Here’s a sneak peak! Pre-order your copy on Amazon now!

Never take home a boy who goes to a bar on a Tuesday.

That was my mom’s old saying, anyway. Because a man who goes to a bar even on a Tuesday night is up to no good with a ninety percent likelihood. On this late spring Tuesday night, Kelly’s Tavern was popping and every guy under eighty was shooting me sex eyes as I tended bar. The lights were dim, the music low, and a buzz of voices filled the air. Most people drank their faces off during college all the way through their graduation. After that, it was time to get serious, put their head down, get a “real job,” and take life seriously. For me, it was exactly the opposite. I spent four years at Notre Dame studying my ass off to get my accounting degree—only to shuffle back into the blue-collar heart of the South Side of Chicago, tending my family’s bar, and fending off the nightly squad of men who flirted with me. I doubted they’d be so quick with their banter and phone numbers if they knew who my family was. For now, all I could do was smile to myself at an irony that only I found funny. I held a hand on

the tap and watched the Guinness take on a foamy tan color as it slid into the slanted glass. Hey, at least my smile would get me some tips tonight. “The goddamn Italian Mob is at it again.” Pops sat at the elbow of the bar, his face half covered by a newspaper. He wasn’t too old to change and get his news like a modern man—on a tablet or his phone—but he enjoyed the tactile feeling of paper crinkling between his fingers. Since I’d been a little kid he’d perfected his nightly ritual. He sat on the same stool, in the same spot, chewing on an unlit cigar, and snatching up gossip from the Tribune. In some ways, he was worse than the women at the hair salon, gossiping about everything under the sun, even if no one was listening to him. And those girls knew how to gossip. He liked being in the corner of the room where he could both face the door and keep an eye on me: his only daughter and the baby of the family. Seeing as I was well past the drinking age, how long would I be the “baby” in his eyes? “Fucking shootout at the LaRosa Sausage place on 22nd Street yesterday night.” He shook his

graying head slightly and slapped the newspaper down. “Something needs to be done about these violent gangsters. They’re goddamn animals.” I kept my features relaxed as he went into his usual rant about the Italians. As the Guinness settled, it changed from a dark tan hue to black. The deep color had me thinking of a man I used to know, his eyes coal black and smoldering. Every time I returned to Chicago, be it for holiday breaks or summer vacation, my mind always went back to him. I couldn’t help it. He had been my first guy friend who wasn’t family and first crush. Vince LaRosa, a son of the family Pops’ disparaged. We had grown up together, from grade school to high school until his family came into some money. I’d never admit I’d had a crush on him—dating an Italian was strictly forbidden by my family. Still, my thoughts wandered and had me curious about how life was treating him. If the family was to believed, Vince was now the CEO of Chicago, a fact I found hard to believe. Him and his whiskey-brown eyes, olive skin, and a slow smile. He’d been sexy when were

younger. Did he grow into a hot-ass man, or had he peaked in high school? I curtailed my thoughts. Having the hots for “the enemy” wasn’t an ideal situation. I held my neutral smile, knowing it provided exactly zero insight into what I was thinking. The Irish are, by nature, good at concealing their emotions. I’d learned over the years to mask my thoughts in a vague, content-but-not-ecstatic expression. Add in four, nosy fucking brothers sniffing out trouble like bloodhounds, and I’d had to perfect the art of a poker face. My pale, freckled skin and auburn red hair afforded me an added level of innocence, even if it was just an illusion. My temper was as volatile as any of the men in my family. “Pops, here’s a drink to cheer you up,” I set the full pint glass on the coaster in front of him. “This one’s on the house,” I winked. He laughed a little and smiled from the cheek, his wrinkles prominent. “Now you know I can’t allow that.” He pulled out a ten-dollar bill and stuffed it into the tip jar. It was a ridiculous ritual

that Pops and I went through. He would tip me although this was his bar and all the profits found their way to our family. I shook my head at him, but didn’t argue. I had plans for that money, it was going to help me head west, even if Pops didn’t know it yet. Another hand flagged me down, and I worked my way to the end of the bar, finally stopping to mix a drink for my brother. Yes, Kelly’s Tavern was a regular family affair tonight. I was lucky that only one of the pain-inthe-asses was here. “Kelly! Damn, you are so good behind the bar,” My brother Tommy said as I made him a whiskey old fashioned. “It’s good to finally have you back. The family really needs you here.” My heart fluttered at Tommy’s words. It was nice to be missed and wanted. Still, I kept my poker face. The way the violence had been escalating lately, I knew I couldn’t live in Chicago forever. I needed a fresh start. And for me, that was California. The land of sunshine and golden dreams.

To my brothers and father, I was the perfect accounting major daughter who would take over the family business. Not only was the tavern my namesake, but it was my birthright, as well. If only it were just handling the money the tavern made, instead of dealing with all the insidiousness being in the “family business” entailed. Drugs, guns, racketeering; my future was on the wrong side of the law. Inside, though, a growing part of me wanted to escape and find a way to put my theater minor to use. Pops didn’t even know I’d taken theater. Outside of my immediate circle of friends, there’d only been one who had known I was a closet thespian. Pops would have a damn aneurysm if he knew. But there were some things a father just didn’t need to know about his daughter. An actual paying customer was calling for me on the other side of the bar. This was how most of my nights went. Running back and forth, slinging shots, drinks, and brews. I was about to work my way over to him when the lull of the crowd quieted, and a few heads turned toward the

entrance. Naturally, I paused and looked too. A deliciously tall, dark, olive-skinned man stood at the entrance flashing his ID to our bouncer, Frankie. Frankie looked like he was about to pop off the stool he’d been sitting on and go for the stranger’s throat. Pops and my brother both stared down the man who had entered. If looks could kill, damn, the pub would be a crime scene right about now. I instantly recognized those eyes as they shifted past Frankie’s shoulder and latched onto me. They belonged to the same man that I’d just been thinking about. Why Vince LaRosa—the CEO of Chicago, the damn boss of the Chicago Outfit—chose to come into our bar was anybody’s guess. Vince was more out of place here than Jack Daniel’s at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. And not just because of his clothing. He wore a two-piece suit with no tie. I’m no fashionista, I honestly couldn’t tell the difference between Gucci and Armani, but my gut told me his light blue shirt, dark blue pants,

and custom-tailored suit coat cost him well into the five figures. The business he had inherited from his father was rumored to have made him a billionaire. He sat atop Chicago’s most eligible bachelor’s list. And at this very moment, he was crossing enemy lines without a care. I hoped he was packing heat. Between Pops, Tommy, and Frankie, they could pump him full of lead easily. They wouldn’t. Not because it was wrong, but because they didn’t want the hassle of cops and repair bills. Bullet holes were costly to fix and cops were expensive to pay off. I popped my hip against the bar. Nobody was in desperate need of a drink. Mostly because everyone was caught in pantomime, pretending to sip their drinks while watching Vince. The tension in the air bore down on all of us, at least those who knew the history, and created a knot between my shoulder blades. I really, really didn’t want anyone to get shot during my first month home. Pops ground his teeth. My brother had all but flown to his side when Vince appeared. Pops grabbed him by the shoulder. “That man

is not allowed in this bar. Tommy, will you please show him the way out.” Tommy hiked his jeans up, and strode over to the entrance and snatched the ID out of Frankie’s hand. He didn’t even look at the piece of plastic. Vince was well above the legal drinking age, but they wanted to hassle him, and maybe make him rethink about coming in. “Hate to tell you, but this ID looks fake to me, Frankie.” Frankie’s gaze shifted to Tommy and then back to Vince again. “Yeah, now that you mention it, I was thinking it seemed fake. Sorry buddy, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You know, policy and all.” Vince’s rock solid expression didn’t change at all. He looked calm. Which was rather unnerving considering he was walking into the lion’s den. He didn’t move an inch. Frankie swallowed a little harder than he normally did, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. Who was the more serious threat? Vince, or the two men in jeans, black shirts and boots flanking him. Okay, maybe I was a terrible daughter, but I was a little amused at their

reaction. I took out a rag and swiped at a few bottles, getting as close as I could to the action taking place while keeping my head down. Vince’s expression changed. His mouth quirked at one edge. “Frankie. Tommy. It doesn’t have to be this way. I just wanted to stop by here, have a pint, maybe play some poker downstairs.” “We don’t want no trouble either. Which is why you can just as well get a pint down the road at Santino’s,” Tommy said, referring to the Italian pub down the road. They had a “recreational parlor” in the basement, too. If Vince wanted to play poker, that’s where he should have gone. Not here, riling up Pops and Tommy. “Come now, you know the best high stakes poker in the city is here,” Vince spoke evenly and calmly, his voice a rich baritone that caused goosebumps to rise on my skin. Damn. He’d grown up nicely. I was trying not to stare, but it was difficult when his broad shoulders were magnets for my gaze. I figured it wasn’t easy for him to appear so blasé’. Tommy was six-foot-four and a known

fighter. He’d been scrappy while growing up but added bulk to his frame when he began dipping into some MMA fighting classes alongside our cousin Connor. Frankie was a hair shorter but not by much. As a former lineman in college, he’d kept his physique sharp by regular boxing bouts. Vince, in contrast, was whip chord slim. Topping out at maybe six-foot-one. With his custom-tailored suit, he looked like he belonged in the VIP section of some ritzy downtown pub. Still, we had all heard the stories about any fight Vince had been in. One punch from him was all it took to put an opponent in the hospital with a concussion and broken jaw. If I had to bet on who would win between Frankie and Vince, I’d put my money on Vince. All three men clenched their jaws, staring each other down like goats on a mountain. I mentally sighed. It was likely I would be cleaning up blood before the night was over. I had to stop this before they butted heads. “Let the man have one fucking pint, for Christ’s sake,” I interjected.

Vince’s eyes flashed to mine, and for a split second, he broke my neutral smile. The heat in his gaze made me want to back pedal. Just to put a safe distance between myself and him. I’d hoped to break the tension. And in a way, I had. But there was a different kind of energy now building between us. One that made me think of dark nights, and ravaging kisses. Vince and I had never crossed that line in high school. But I’d wanted to. “One drink,” Tommy growled. “One drink, and one round of poker downstairs. And you get one bodyguard in here with you. The other waits outside. Fair?” Vince’s half-smile returned. He gave a curt nod of his head to Tommy. “Fair.” He stalked toward the bar, completely at odds with his urban chic. For all his finery, he moved like a fighter, a predator sizing up his prey. The crowd parted for him and his single bodyguard. Somehow, I didn’t think he would need a bodyguard, not if he wanted to do damage. He leaned against the bar. “I’ll have a Green Spot, neat.”

I examined the man. That was top shelf whiskey. One hundred percent Irish shipped over from the motherland. Of course, we had it. We were an Irish pub, after all. But it didn’t come cheap, and I wasn’t sure Pops would tolerate a dago—his word, not mine—drinking his special whiskey. If I wanted to keep the tenuous peace and ensure I wasn’t mopping up blood tonight, I would have to serve him something else. I didn’t budge, which was slightly difficult with Vince staring me down with those dark eyes of his. “What are you doing here? Really.” His smile turned shark-like. “What, a man can’t come into a pub and have a drink? Last time I checked we live in a free country.” I snorted. “Men like you don’t come here without a purpose.” I turned around and stretched to the top shelf of the bar, having to get on my tippy toes to reach the bottle of whiskey with a blue label. Macallan was still top shelf and would have to do. I didn’t want Pops reaching for the twelve gauge beneath the bar. “This is the best you’re gonna get,” I said,

pouring him a glass. “Does your, uh, friend want anything?” I motioned to his bodyguard with a nod. “Sal doesn’t drink. Just me.” I could feel Pops’ and my brother’s watchful eyes, and probably ears, on me as I handed Vince his drink. “So, how’s the family sausage business been lately?” I spoke through pursed lips, stifling back a chuckle. Me and my dirty mind had always been lewdly curious about Vince’s…sausage. And if he would really live up to his second nickname as the “Big Sausage,” or if that name was simply a façade, much like his business operations. Vince swirled his drink. The aroma of finelyaged liquor filled the air between us. “My Dad died, so I’ve taken over as head of operations.” I hadn’t been around when the elder LaRosa passed. I offered him a sympathetic look. “I heard.” “Oh, have you?” he quirked one dark eyebrow at me. “You’ve been keeping tabs on me. Interesting.” My heart raced. Vince had been a high school

crush, sure. He was a couple of years older than me. But right about now I was trying to figure out exactly what he might want with a pasty Irish redhead. As a bartender, I could pick up on a flirtatious vibe when it was there. The way his eyes didn’t stop looking at mine while he sipped his whiskey led me to think he was checking me out. Though he hadn’t done the full body check-out. Yet. Not that I expected him to. My body was what one would call athletic. Not curvy or even sexy. The short-sleeved plaid shirt I wore didn’t help matters either. Did I want him to think I was sexy? I shifted in place, flustered at my train of thought. When I didn’t say anything, he kept the conversation going. “When did you get back from college?” I shook myself out of the stupor his sharp brown eyes had put me in. What had happened to my neutral bartender smile? I plastered it on. No way, no how was I going to let him know he was getting to me. Luckily, I had an out as a hand flung in the air. “Just last week. Good to see you, Vince,

but someone’s waving to me from the other end of the bar.” “Alright.” When he spoke, his voice was even without a hint of neediness. I could stay or I could go and it wouldn’t affect his energy in the slightest, it seemed. Yet ironically, that lack of neediness left me unable to move. I wanted him to want me to stay. How stupid was that? Was it because I wanted to know the real reason he darkened my door? I knew he wasn’t here to play a stupid game of poker. “I’m going to ask you again, Vince. Why are you here?” I leaned my elbows on the bar and propped up my chin, ignoring the other patron. I even batted my lashes, delving deep into my favorite flirty girl pose. I was nearly touching him, but not daring to put my skin against his in the presence of my family. He glanced to my left and my right, no doubt noticing half of the bar staring him down. Pops was gnawing on his cigar like a haunch of meat. Vince leaned in closer, sharing my breath with his murmur. What he said was only for me. “Kel,

you ever get that feeling you have unfinished business?” The butterflies that I’d tried to force out of my body flew right back into my chest. I lied through my teeth. I wasn’t ready, maybe would never be ready to share secrets with Vince fucking LaRosa. “No, not really. Why?” His smile turned serious. Gone was the smooth playboy who’d walked into the bar. And in his place, was a man who reeked of dangerous intensity. In one swift motion, he swallowed the remaining liquid and slammed the glass on the bar. “Because I do. And that’s why I had to come here. I had to see if a dream—if something I thought about was still worth pursuing.” I jerked my elbows off the bar and withdrew fast. Why did I have the feeling I was this dream he had? I hiked my chin. “What the hell are you talking about?” Before we could continue our conversation, Tommy stepped in. “Alright, man, I think it’s time you move it downstairs and get that round of poker over with. We’ve been more than cordial with

you.” He reached into his suit coat and took out a wad of bills. Pulling four from his bundle, he laid them on the bar counter. “I have to run,” he smiled, his brown eyes sparkling still. “But I do hope we can meet again soon.” I said nothing. Encouraging him was a bad idea. I moved to take another customer’s order, ignoring Vince’s progression through the bar. Tommy escorted Vince into the basement where the guys were just about to ramp up the night’s poker game. A lot of money would change hands, most of it in the house’s favor. It would be a long night of keeping the books, both the regular ones and the illegal ones. The customer who’d pulled me away from Vince ordered a Guinness. As I held down the tap, I watched the light brown liquid pour out, the color reminiscent of Vince LaRosa’s eyes before they settled.

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EPILOGUE

MIA

ONE MONTH later

“YOU GOT THIS.” Regi squeezed my knee as we sat in his car outside the Hubbard Avenue Diner and Bakery. It had copious amounts of coffee and pie,

which I would need in spades to get through this. The huge windows offered me a view of the whole restaurant. She was inside. It had taken me a few weeks to decide what I wanted to do after I’d run into dad at the mall. I considered going and paying them a visit. Now that I knew they were in the Madison area, maybe as close as West Middleton where I lived, it wouldn’t have taken much but a glance through the white pages. However, I had no desire to see that man – my sperm donor – again. So, I turned my efforts to Facebook instead, and the girl who I wanted to get to know better. It hadn’t taken long for me to find my dad’s page. Michael Reynolds. Mike to his friends. He hadn’t been smiling in his profile photo, but it was public, and I found what I needed in a random comment from a few month’s past. I can't believe you posted this dad – Linds Reynolds Lindsay Reynolds. My sister.

For the past week, I considered changing my last name to moms. Torres. But I didn’t feel connected to her, and I’d been Reynolds my whole life. So, I stuck with what I’d been given a birth, and thought that maybe, in the future, I’d have a different one altogether. Mia O'Connell. I kind of like how that sounded. Finally, after talking with Jo, and with Regi’s support, I’d sent a message to my sister. Her answer had set us on this course.

LINDS: I was hoping you would reach out to me. Me: Did you know anything about me or mom? Linds: No, not at all. I told Mattie about you, too. Me: Who is Mattie? Linds: He's my brother. Well, our brother. Me: How old is he? Linds: He’s 17. I’m not sure how he feels

about it. He’s dad’s’ favorite. Me: There’s another one too. Licia, my sister, she’s 18.

IN SOME WAY, hearing that it wasn’t me, or Licia, that caused dad to leave, was a relief. We hadn’t talked about it, but from what she did hint at, her and her mom shared the same horrors which I recalled from childhood. Only she’d suffered watching his rage and abuse for years longer. Reaching out to her, and getting to know Lindsay, allowed me to let go of the ghosts that anchored me to the past, and look forward to my future. Whatever had gone on between mom and dad, the truth was there in our ages. He hadn’t been loyal, and he hadn’t married either of our mothers. But once he’d had the chance for a son, he’d stopped living his dual life and chose her family over ours. That wasn’t her fault, nor was it mine. It had been serendipitous that we’d met the

way we did. They’d been on their way home. They lived in Riley, which was really only ten minutes on the other side of West Middleton. We’d talked for a week until we decided to meet here, in neutral territory, for coffee. Licia chose not to come to this one, but assured me when she moved to Madison for college – she decided to attend the University of Wisconsin-Madison despite what happened – she would meet up with Lindsay. Regi cupped my hand and lifted it to his lips. “How are you feeling about all this? I was surprisingly optimistic. "I feel like it's meant to be." He squeezed my hands, proving once more that he was my anchor in the chaos that could suddenly spring on you. "Maybe it’s because you can handle it now.” "There’s that karma stuff again,” I said with a playful smile. Regi leaned over and kissed me slow and lingering, and then we got out of the car and went to meet Lindsay for the first, but not the last, time.

TWO YEARS later Regi

“ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?” I stared down at Rufus who gazed back at me with his tongue lolling out of his mouth. I shook my head. The damn dog was useless when it came to conversation, but Mia loved the English Bulldog and his million wrinkles. She’d rescued the pot-bellied mutt last year when Jo and Kevin had brought her down to the animal shelter they volunteered at. It’d gone badly, at least for me, because she’d returned with a wriggly bundle of slobbery kisses and horrible farts. I don’t know what Mia fed him, but he passed enough wind to launch a sail boat. We’d moved in together not too long ago. It had been Mia’s idea, and it was a great one. She’d switched jobs, moving out of the luxury goods

sector, and into non-profit. She’d gotten a raise, and told me she needed a house-boyfriend. With how frenzied my schedule was now that I was in medical school, sometimes finding time together was difficult. But in the late-night hours, whether I was coming in off a shift at the hospital or she was waking up for work, I could count on her to be there. While I wasn’t making great money yet, I would once I finished up my residency and chose the hospital I wanted to work at. For now, Mia was bringing home the turkey bacon, and I felt like a kept man. But I’d saved up enough for something important. “Try not to drool on the new tag.” Rufus tipped his head, and I shook my head. Why did I even bother? I was lucky he hadn’t torn off the miniature version of the tuxedo-vest I’d gotten him into. If a little drool happened to ruin it and soak the special dog tag I had made, it would just make our story more entertaining when we re-told it. The two of us waited in the living room of our shared abode, waiting on Mia to come home.

Finally, I heard the keys in the lock, and the door opening. I nudged Rufus with my foot, and motioned him to go on. He woofed at me, and then trundled to meet his mother. I shook my head. “Ohh look at my baby, look at how handsome you are. Did daddy dress you up?” I never would have thought Mia was an animal or dog person, until she got her first puppy. Now, she was a professional when it came to baby talking Rufus. The bulldog ate it up. I turned the corner, watching the two of them from the living room. Rufus was on his side getting loved up with belly rubs. Mia looked up at me from where she knelt giving her new main man attention. “So, he gets kisses first, now?” I teased. She flashed me a guilty smile. “You knew that would happen. Is this for Jo and Kevin’s wedding? Is Rufus going to be a groomsman?” I laughed. “Something like that. I got a new

collar for him, I thought he’d look dapper with it and the vest on.” “A new collar? Oh, what does it say?” One of her favorite things was finding cute and uniquelyshaped dog tags for her four-legged boy. Her fingers stroked around his leather collar that was shaped like a bow tie, and found the silver oval which hung off it. She blinked as she read the inscribed letters. I knew exactly when she realized what they meant. The inscribing was etched on my soul. While it had changed a bit since I first thought it almost seven years ago, the question hadn’t changed. Will you marry us? I knew I wasn’t playing fair by proposing to her with a dog. But I needed to stack the cards in my favor. I approached her. Mia still got skittish sometimes, and I didn’t want to make her nervous or feel forced by doing this in public. Or even getting on my knees and proposing her in the traditional way.

“Are you serious?” Her voice was all wispy and high-pitched. “I am,” I said. I curled my fingers around biceps and pulled her into my arms. “What do you say, Mia. Will you marry me?” I had the ring in my pocket, a one-carat halo flanked with princess-cut diamonds. You could see it sparkle from space. She lifted her right hand to her mouth. I squeezed her left hand, and reached into my pocket, pulling out the most important thing I’d ever bought. The low light set the stones on fire. Mia’s eyes widened. “Ohh,” she gasped. I held it to her ring finger, and wobbled it back and forth. I had more to sweeten the pot with. “If you say yes, we can go to Xstasy tonight.” She blinked at me, and then laughed. While we weren’t regulars at the club, we still went and explored. Over the past couple years, we’d learned a lot about each other. “A puppy and a sex club. What else are you

offering?” Her eyes teased mine, and then she looked down at the ring again. Tears welled in her eyes, and she leaned against me. “Yes,” Mia finally said. “Yes, I’ll marry you. Yes.” I slipped the ring onto her finger and then swept her into my arms. She laughed, and her delighted giggles bounced off the walls. Rufus joined in, his barks adding a crazed cacophony to her teary happiness. I silenced her with a kiss. She’d promised me six months, but I was going to take sixty years. At the minimum. THE END

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This past month has flown by. It seems just yesterday I was penning my last acknowledgments on New Year’s Eve. Now, it’s Valentine’s day and Pin me Down is about to be uploaded.

I have learned a lot, and met some amazing people over the past few weeks. In some ways the time between Giving it Up and now has been a dream,

and I don’t want to wake up from it.

People tell me I’m a success, but I still feel like just me. I definitely wouldn’t be where I am without the following people.

Jamie Buck. No matter what happens in the future, if I fail, or if I succeed and achieve all of my goals, you’re stuck with me girl. You have been a Godsend to me, holding my hand during the high times and low; when I doubted myself and my story. You’ve been here from the beginning, and have been my friend and confidant even before you read the first word of Kevin and Jo’s story. I love you to bits and pieces. You are my sister, my BFF, and an amazing PA. Thank you for all you do. I would be lost without you.

Charlotte Russell Barto. The final piece of our

Three Musketeers. Like Jamie, you’re stuck with me. You’re not going nowhere! Your advice, your truths, and your humor have kept me sane. You never fail to tell me the truth, even if you’re worried I’ll hate it. You make me want to write stronger, hotter stories just to keep you as a fan.

Mickey Miller. My (legit) long lost cousin. I can’t wait to see how the next year plays out. Writing with you has been a blast. There are so many stories to tell, and together we can tell them. Here is to a very DIRTY year!

Michael Anderle and the 20to50k crew. You are a source of inspiration and knowledge, and I love making you blush when I talk about the man-titty that will be on our covers. Our collaboration is going to be off the charts!

To Amanda Andrews, Diana Davis Munn, Jamie, and Charlotte for promoting your fingers off! Thank you so much!

My Hive: I love you girls. I love how open you are, how giving, and how fun. I love sharing the naughty stuff with you, and the sneak peaks. You give me wonderful insight into what you, and my fans as a whole, want more of.

Last, but never least, my fans. Thank you for the messages, e-mails, good reviews (and bad ones). Thank you for reading, and caring about the stories I write. Thank you for letting me live the dream.

Endless love,

Holly Dodd February 14, 2017.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Holly Dodd is an award-winning author. Her novel Covet won the 2016 RWA Beacon (unpublished) award for Romantic Suspense. A member of the Romance Writers of America, her stories are often spicy, with everything salacious right on the page. Ranging from the contemporary anti-hero, to paranormal and futuristic, she loves an Alpha Hero in any setting and a woman destined to keep him on his toes. Calling Pennsylvania home, she loves autumn, the beach, and beautiful weather. When she’s not writing, reading, or baking, she’s wrangling her three psychotic felines, and wondering where her muse will take her to next. She is the author of the bestselling Brewhouse Series.

Come stalk me! @HollyDodd80 HollyDoddAuthor hollydodd.com [email protected]