She Walks In Moonlight - Jennifer Silverwood(ang.)

Table of Contents Prologue Epilogue She Walks in Moonlight Ten Years Before Ten Years Later Fade to Black If I Needed You Hometown Glory Every Day is Exactly the Same Forever Young Something I Can Never Have In the Morning Pale Blue Eyes Misguided Ghosts Everything Running Up That Hill City Kids Anymore of This One Step Closer Let Your Love Flow Spanish Sahara Follow You Down Slow It Down Hurt Danny’s Song

Heroes I & Love & You Acknowledgments About the Author Also by Jennifer Silverwood

SHE WALKS IN MOONLIGHT

JENNIFER SILVERWOOD

CONTENTS

She Walks in Moonlight Ten Years Before Prologue Ten Years Later 1. Fade to Black 2. If I Needed You 3. Hometown Glory 4. Every Day is Exactly the Same 5. Forever Young 6. Something I Can Never Have 7. In the Morning 8. Pale Blue Eyes 9. Misguided Ghosts 10. Everything 11. Running Up That Hill 12. City Kids 13. Anymore of This 14. One Step Closer 15. Let Your Love Flow 16. Spanish Sahara 17. Follow You Down 18. Slow It Down 19. Hurt 20. Danny’s Song

21. Heroes 22. I & Love & You Epilogue Acknowledgments About the Author Also by Jennifer Silverwood

SHE WALKS IN MOONLIGHT BY JENNIFER SILVERWOOD

Edited By Red Adept Editing Copyright © 2017 Jennifer Silverwood Kindle Edition License Notes All rights reserved, including the right to produce this novel and/or portions of it without specific permission from the author. This novel is a work of fiction. All names, characters, incidents, and places are purely fictitious. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means without permission of the author, except for quotations in critical reviews and certain

other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please visit www.jennifersilverwood.com.

For Melissa and all the families who have loved and lost.

TEN YEARS BEFORE

PROLOGUE ABOUT TODAY

I

had spent so long wrapped in my selfish wants and desires that I forgot to care for someone else. It wasn’t something I’d planned on happening, but by the time I realized the truth, it was almost too late. The person I had always taken for granted, the boy I had tried so hard not to love, was dying. I ran the entire way to his house, through backfields. I hopped two barbed-wire fences, tearing holes in my shirt. My Converse sneakers and the hems of my flared blue jeans were soon covered in mud, but I kept running. My lungs burned from lack of oxygen, thanks to a lack of practice. But if I was honest with myself, I hadn’t been able to breathe properly for the past three hours. A pressure clawed its way up my chest, the same weight that had settled in the moment the

phone rang. Because I already knew what had happened. My older brother, Peter, wasn’t aware I was the indirect cause of the accident. He didn’t know Adam wouldn’t have been out in the first place if he hadn’t been looking for me. Please wait for me, I prayed. Adam didn’t know I was a liar, and I had to tell him the truth. I almost collapsed the moment I caught sight of his family’s two-story, white-board farmhouse. I focused on the soft yellow light shining from his bedroom window upstairs as I hopped the picket fence around his front yard. I fell against the front door, panting as I lifted a hand to pound on its cruel surface. I needed to see Adam, to feel his hand in mine. I stumbled when the door gave way to a familiar, albeit haggard, face. My heart fell into my stomach at the sight of Adam’s big sister, Hailey. Her mouth twisted as she recognized me, and I felt the full weight of the bad blood between us. Hailey had dated my brother Peter off and on for the last few years. She had never been a fan of mine. “Please, Hailey,” I gasped and braced a hand on the doorpost. Her green eyes narrowed, and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Haven’t you done enough already?” My heart sank, while my mind screamed at me, your fault! She was right, and I couldn’t argue with

her. I looked at the familiar front porch and tried to think of something. I could climb the lattice to reach his window. We had sneaked in and out of his bedroom plenty of times growing up. I could sleep on the porch until they let me in. Peter would understand, and he would confront Hailey if I called and asked him to. My hand reached in my jeans pocket for my flip phone, when another voice called from the hallway, “Hailey, who is it?” I peered over Hailey’s golden-crowned head and tensed when Ms. King stepped into view. She still wore her hospital scrubs, and I wondered if she had been on duty when Adam was brought in. Her pale-blue eyes were worn and so sad that I couldn’t look up at them too long before staring down at my muddy Converse. “Danica?” Ms. King’s voice was filled with compassion and, to my shock, relief. I looked up again to find the same warm smile that filled some of the gap my mother had torn open. Her plump hand came to rest on Hailey’s narrow shoulder, and she spoke firmly to her daughter without breaking eye contact with me. “I’m so glad you’re here. He’s been asking for you every time he wakes up. He was worried sick until Peter confirmed you were safe at home.” Your fault, I thought. If Adam hadn’t been so worried about me, he never would have gotten in that vehicle to come after me.

Hailey continued to watch me with a poisonous glare as she stepped aside. Ms. King reached out for me, and I bit my lip before rushing into her arms. Her embrace was almost too tight, but I wasn’t complaining. I pushed off my muddy shoes onto the foyer floor before following her the rest of the way inside. “Dr. McMorries let me bring him home, thank God. The hospital couldn’t take care of him any better than we can. And I want him to be as comfortable as possible while he recovers,” she explained to me while guiding me up the hardwood stairs. I knew some of this story already, thanks to Peter. Ms. King was a physician’s assistant with more than enough experience in emergency situations. Hailey worked as a registered nurse at the hospital as well, so Ms. King wasn’t lying when she said they could provide the best care. Still, I was impressed they let her bring Adam home. Maybe his injuries aren’t as bad as we thought? “The jeep was totaled, of course. And he’s not out of the woods yet, but it could have been a lot worse.” “How bad?” I asked. Again, she attempted a careworn smile as she put her hand on his bedroom door. “We aren’t sure if he’ll be able to walk again, Danica.” She pushed

open the door and shut it behind me as I walked in alone. Shadows tipped the atmosphere to match my mood. Instead of seeing Adam’s band posters and a smattering of my artwork, all I could focus on was the broken boy lying in the twin bed under soft lamplight. I wrapped my arms over my chest to keep from throwing myself at him. His eyes were squeezed shut, hiding the beautiful color I loved. His summer-tanned skin was a winter pale now, from loss of blood, no doubt. I sank to my knees beside his bed and bit my nails to keep my fingers to themselves. His chest rose and fell in unsteady gasps. I laid my head on the duvet and drank in the familiar scent and whispered, “I’m so sorry.” As my eyes fluttered shut, my fingers found his, and I imagined that his squeezed mine just as strongly back.

“DANI, I know things are going to change when we get to college. I’ve thought about it a lot, and I want us to stay close.” Adam paused and took my hand in his. When did he get so much taller than I was? And why was he always so warm no matter how cold I felt on the inside? The look in his eyes… “Adam,” I began but froze when he took a step

even closer. “Dani, I’m not one of those guys, you know. I’m not going to drop you just so I can date a bunch of other girls. That’s not what I want.” “Adam, please listen to me. I need to tell you…” My words trailed off before I could say it. It was the reason I came over here with Adam after Caleb’s party. Every time I tried to tell him, the words were banished by the way he held my hand, the way he smiled only for me. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for so long, Dani.” He took in a deep breath, the light in his eyes growing with his courage. “Adam…” I couldn’t stand the hope in his eyes, the need, or the way my body was responding to him. “Adam, I’m going to St. Petersburg in two weeks.” I watched in horror as the glow in his beautiful eyes dulled, and like the masochist I was, I kept hurting the both of us. “Adam,” I moaned in my sleep, and a hand squeezed mine in response. I opened my eyes and blinked against the light bleeding through the window blinds. The golden rays seemed to hold me, envelop me, and I snuggled closer to the comforting heat, only for my heat source to groan in pain. I would have fallen out of Adam’s bed had he not kept a secure arm around my waist. “Adam!” My hands fluttered over his exposed and partially bandaged torso. Guilt and self-hatred

ate away all the warmth I might have felt in his arms. I wasn’t sure how I had ended up in his bed last night and was surprised his mom and sister let me stay. “I am so sorry!” I bit my lip to keep from telling him everything else. In the light of day, the truth was even harder to confess. I couldn’t even look him in the eye, just stared at the bandages wrapped around his head. “I don’t know how I ended up in your bed,” I continued. “I swear I fell asleep on the floor. I came as soon as I heard…” Despite everything I had put him through, despite the verbal lashing I deserved, Adam offered a pale grin instead. His voice was scratchy from disuse. “You think I was about to let you sleep on the floor?” “Oh, guess that answers that question.” I ducked my head and held my breath when he reached up to tuck a stray black curl behind my ear. “I’m really glad you came, Dani. I was worried when you tore out of here like you did last night. I don’t know what I’d do if something had happened to you.” I was haunted by what he didn’t say. It drove me over the edge. “Adam! Don’t you dare pretend this whole thing isn’t my fault.” He frowned. “What are you saying?” “It’s my fault!” I slapped my palm on the bed

between us. My Russian accent thickened the more my emotions took over. “I didn’t want to deal, so I just ran! I’m such a coward…” Tears made his visage blurred. I didn’t want to look. I wanted to get up and run out of his room just like before. Don’t be a coward again, Zvezda Danica Pavlova, my conscience demanded. I barely registered that he was pulling me onto his broken form as I sobbed, “I—almost—killed you last—night!” “Shh… it’s okay, sweetie,” he whispered, and I clung to him, even though he winced. He held me just as tightly, and I closed my eyes, wanting to believe him when he said, “I came after you because I love you and because you love me.” Part of me wanted to deny it. I couldn’t say anything, though. I came here to tell him the truth, to tell him I had lied out of my ass last night when I’d tried to crush every feeling he felt for me. Tried and failed. “Adam,” I sighed, “I shouldn’t have thrown all that back in your face. The things I said to you… I can’t believe I said I hated you.” “Forget it. Let’s just forget last night, please? You’re here now, Dani.” He reached down to tip my chin up to meet his gaze, and this time, I couldn’t hide from his electric-blue eyes. “That’s all that matters.” I couldn’t be sure whether I reached up or he

bent down, but somehow our lips met. Maybe it was chemical, two opposing forces coming together. In that moment, we were in perfect sync. The kiss began chastely, but this changed when his hand reached inside my T-shirt and his callouses grazed my bare skin. Then there was too much space between us, and we pressed and molded together in our effort to expel it. I thought I had known passion before with the guys I dated. Adam was enigmatic, despite his bruising and stitches and the fact that he may never walk again. I gasped, afraid I would hurt him and attempted to tell him so. He grimaced as I tried pulling away and groaned as he pulled me roughly back to him. He tested my lips with his tongue, and I gasped for a different reason as he reached past them, tasting me in a new way. He traced patterns on the roof of my mouth, and his tongue curled with mine until my desire exorcised any sense I had left, until his desire stood at full attention against my thigh. I rubbed against him and straddled his waist to create even more friction. This action elicited a delicious-sounding groan from the beautiful boy underneath me. Finding a steady rhythm, I continued to rub against him and ran my hands over the firm planes of his chest. We were way past the point of no return now, even past the point I had been with other guys before. Despite our school’s insistence that I was

“easy,” I was anything but. Something always held me back from getting too close, and I knew that for a fact Adam hadn’t gone past second base. I had kept up a steady string of boyfriends through high school, but Adam had barely gotten past the first date. He’d always claimed something just didn’t connect, but I knew there was more to it. I knew by the way he would always come back to me why no girl could get her slutty claws in him. “Dani…” he breathed against my lips, eyes shut, brow uplifted. My own eyes blinked open, and reality sank in the moment he looked up at me with both pleasure and pain. “Please,” he whispered, and I nodded. He couldn’t move his legs, but I could move for the both of us. With one hand, he reached down to fumble with the button of my jeans, and I pushed his shorts down as gently as I could. He reached to touch me wherever he could while his eyes touched what his fingers couldn’t reach. When I straddled him again, his head tilted back, and a silent cry parted his perfect lips. I sank onto him, and the shock and sudden rush of feeling filled us both to the point of breaking. I bit my lip to keep from crying out and rocked slowly at first. We moved together until my vision blackened and blurred with bursts of color and light. We suppressed our cries against each other’s shoulders, and afterward, he held and caressed me. The light

in his cerulean-blue orbs was a perfect blend of hope, male pride, and tenderness that I wanted to bask in forever. “Love you, Morning Star,” he whispered against my forehead, and suddenly, all my old feelings of guilt and dread filled me to the point of suffocation. After his breathing slowed and evened, I slipped from beneath his covers and pulled my pants up with trembling hands. I listened to the cold, dark voice in my head that had warned me this would happen, that knew he would never let me go after this. You will only hurt him and leave him, just like your mother, the voice said. Because I was scared of myself and even more scared of Adam’s love, I walked out his front door that day and didn’t look back.

TEN YEARS LATER

1

FADE TO BLACK

A

siren wail woke me from inebriated sleep. I threw my legs over the side of the hostel bed and held my head in my

hands. Where am I? I peeked at my surroundings through squinted eyes and a monster headache, thanks to last night’s round of debauchery. Clothes were strewn all over the floor, and the bedsheets were tangled up in the snoring form of my latest midnight companion. We hadn’t had sex last night, I didn’t think, but there had been some heavy petting at the very least, lots of liquor, and at least one cigarette for me. Bad Dani… For a moment, I let myself feel the full weight of my guilt. I recited the words in my head: You are a user,

Danica Pavlova, and once you’re on to the next city, you’ll be on to using the next guy. My mantra was a highly edited ideal I had once stolen from my “fables” professor back in St. Petersburg. I hadn’t started out in life with the goal of becoming just like my mother. God knew I’d dealt with the abandonment issues she had given me enough. I shouldn’t inflict the same scars on other people. But the fear of becoming just like her one day had become my reality, or maybe it came down to simple genetics. I didn’t always hate myself, either. Loving and leaving Adam had taught me that. I leaned my cheek in my palm and glanced back at my latest traveling companion—Alec, Sven, or whoever he was. I stood and walked to the grimy window and took in the fairytale-like city of Prague. Of all the places in Russia and Europe I had traveled, Prague was my favorite so far. Maybe it had something to do with my degree in Russian folklore that had led me to the magical city. It wasn’t the first time I had visited in the last ten years. “Danica?” a gravelly voice called from the bed behind me. I ignored him and continued to stare as the nightlights winked out and morning shopkeepers prepared to open for the new day. I barely felt his soft hands run over my flesh. I had stopped feeling ten years ago.

“Want to go to the pastry shop down the street?” he asked me in thickly accented English. English was our common ground since he was a local and the only other language I was fluent in was Russian. I shrugged when he kissed my neck. “Sure.” “Danica…” His grip on my torso tightened as his hand reached up to play with my breast. “I cannot get enough of you, princess. Do you really have to leave tomorrow?” “Yes.” I grimaced when his hand traveled lower. “Enough,” I ground out. “I still have a hangover.” I pushed his hand aside and walked back toward my open duffel bag. I threw on jeans and a black, off-the-shoulder top. Alec, Sven, or whoever he was followed and tried to cop a couple more feels. “C’mon, princess, don’t you want to stay here with me? Think of all the beautiful things we could do together.” His tone suggested he meant a lot more than his day job as a street artist. I remembered that much about him at least. We’d met on the street two weeks ago when I had stopped to watch him perform with his fellow vagabond troupe members. I’d always been a sucker for artists. “I have a train ticket. If I ever want to get paid, I have to be on that train tomorrow.” I tugged my thigh-high black boots on and avoided eye contact. “What is it you do? After all this time we have

spent together, I still don’t know a thing about you.” Alec-Sven-whoever crossed his arms over his chest in a pout. In a glance, I took in his Slavic features and perfectly messy blond hair with vague dissatisfaction. He wasn’t really my type, but then again, none of them ever were. It was much safer that way. “Does it really matter?” One look in the mirror told me I wasn’t getting away with brushing my waist-length black curls today, so I threw it all back in a messy ponytail. I put on light makeup out of habit more than anything. I’d grown used to putting on my daily armor and hadn’t gone without it since high school. “It matters to me, princess. Why would you think otherwise?” His questions were really starting to grate on my ever-loving nerves, and I forced a smile before I turned around. “Hey! I have an idea—breakfast in bed sounds fantastic now that I think about it. Why don’t you go down to that little pastry shop and pick up something extra chocolaty for me?” I rested my hands on his broad shoulders and leaned in to add in my best husky seductress voice, “Then we could do that little thing you wanted to try the other night.” I could almost feel the change in his demeanor and despised him even more when he grabbed my

face for a searing kiss. His smoldering brown eyes glowed with promise at me. “Be right back, princess.” I kept my smile pasted on until he let the door slam shut behind him. “In your dreams, you ass,” I murmured. Then I got to work. Forget leaving tomorrow. I was unfortunately done with Prague and officially done with Alec-Sven-whoever. I threw the rest of my things in my duffel and hefted it over one shoulder. With my other arm, I grabbed my “crazy bag lady” purse and left the hostel behind. The train station was in the opposite direction from where my former traveling companion had lit off to. I picked up my pace, eager to get going. My ticket really was for tomorrow, but it shouldn’t be a problem to change. The sooner I got back to St. Petersburg, the better. I had been on the road for over six months and was ready to tuck my wanderlust away. I’d been all over, from Romania to Prague, since I’d finished my master’s degree at university. Thanks to Papa’s old family money and living cheaply on the road, I had no real financial worries. There was always my father’s house in St. Petersburg to come home to, even if it was empty as a tomb most days. As much as my mother’s gypsy blood made me wander, my father’s Russian side craved the motherland.

I had learned to hate my mother over the years, even as I feared becoming her. But I could admit now, after scouring every caravan and carnival I’d come across, that this trek across Europe was more about finding her than me. I dreamed about confronting her sometimes, blaming her for all my troubles. But we know better, don’t we, Zvezda? No one forced you to do anything you didn’t want to do. I ignored the rumbling in my stomach and the light drizzle of morning rain as I neared the train station. I was caught somewhere in a maze of cottage-like businesses. On a good day, I would have let my feet step where they may and explore every one of these places. My most interesting treasures had come from shops like these. For a moment, I considered avoiding all the places AlecSven-whoever might have been so I could enjoy myself for a change. That was when my phone started buzzing through my jeans pocket. I cursed as I tried to find a safe alleyway to set down my burden and pull the slim plastic out of my back pocket. I stared in openmouthed shock when I saw the name on the caller ID. Peter Pavlov, my half brother and former guardian, was older than I was by ten years. I used to call him every day when I first came back to Russia from the States. Peter and I had grown up

there until Papa moved us to the US when I was eight. After the first year, my daily calls had trickled to monthly. The last call was months ago. I hadn’t been a good sister in a long time. “Peter?” I answered, a little out of breath. “Hey, baby girl,” he answered in his rough, westernized accent. Hard as he tried, Peter would always sound Russian. “Where you at today? Last I heard, you were in Nuremburg? Enjoying Germany?” “Sure. The city was nice; the men not so nice. I ran into a lot of horny American soldiers while I was there. They beat the crap out of my German boyfriend. I might have had something to do with it.” I grinned as I recalled that snowy night and the way my boyfriend’s fists went flying when I’d flirted with a boy from Kentucky. The fight had bled outside the bar and onto the frozen streets. Peter chuckled with half his usual gusto. “You always know how to pick them, don’t you?” “That’s me, Zvezda Danica Pavlova, breaker of hearts and bones.” I snorted, and after a pause, added, “I’m actually in Prague, ’bout to grab a ticket for St. Petersburg. I’ve had enough of Europe and Eurotrash.” “Good. I’m sure the motherland misses you.” “Oh, sure, she misses her favorite wayward child. So, what’s up, Petey? The kids okay?” I bit at my thumbnail. I wasn’t winning any awards for best

aunt of the year. Besides the rare phone calls, I had Skyped my niece and nephew maybe twice in the last year. The silence that followed my question made me nervous. “Petey?” He sighed. “Dani, I wish I could tell you this in person…” “What.” The word came out more like a demand than a question. “Dani, I've been dragging so much lately. The guys actually persuaded me to take a day off to go to the doctor. Well, they did a lot of tests, and I got the results today.” “What do you mean ‘results’?” “I have leukemia, baby girl.” “Petey, you can’t have leukemia—that’s what Papa had. You’re too young for that.” Flashes of Papa’s rapid decline, hospital smell, messed-up sheets, and death came to mind. “Guess cancer has no age limit, especially not this kind. I’m sorry, baby girl. I know how rough this has to be after what we went through with Dad.” I choked. “H-how far? How long?” “Thankfully, it’s in the early stages. Doc is confident we can keep it contained. I may still get to watch the kids grow up, Dani. I can still have a life.” The more my brother talked, the more I could hear the difference in his voice, the weariness. My

brother was strong, had been my rock all my life. “This isn’t fair, Petey,” I whispered. “Neither is what I’m about to ask you. Dani, I let you ship off to St. Petersburg on your own. I know it was the right thing for you. Now I need you to do something for me.” “What? Anything—you name it,” I said. “I need you to come home and live with me, help out with the kids for a while. I wish I could promise you it won’t be permanent, but the truth is I don’t know how this is gonna go yet. Until I can figure things out, I need you here.” North Carolina, home… Adam… “I’m going to the airport now. You’re not going through this alone, any of you.” Peter sighed again, this time with what sounded like relief. I felt horrible as I realized he had thought I would say no. As if I could say no. “Thanks, baby girl. I wish I didn’t have to ask this much of you.” “Shut up, Petey. You’re right. I’ve been selfish for too long, missed out on so much with the kids. Let me do this. Let me be there for you guys.” This might be my chance to finally give back to my brother, to be the kind of aunt I used to imagine being. “Love you, Dani. Text me and let me know your progress. I can pick you up from the airport

when you get here.” “No way, I’ll get a cab. I’m a transcontinental traveler now, big brother. I can handle myself. I'll see you at home.” Only after I hung up did I begin to panic.

2

IF I NEEDED YOU

A

dam had been my best friend almost from the moment I’d walked into that tiny classroom of chalk dust and wood desks, fresh from Russia, at eight years old. Mrs. McWilliams’s third-grade class seemed strange to me after my primary school in St. Petersburg. Everything in America was different in small ways. I wanted to hate it because it was new and big. I was young, and my English wasn’t very good. “Come on over, Zvezda.” Mrs. McWilliams urged me to the front of the classroom. She said my first name wrong, like it was stuck at the front of her teeth. “Danica,” I whispered. “What’s that, dear?” Mrs. McWilliams waited for me to repeat myself, but I was too scared to tell her I preferred my middle name, afraid the other

kids would hear my thick accent and laugh. I stood in front of my teacher, and she rested her wrinkled hands on my shoulders. “Class, this is Zvezda Pavlova. She came here all the way from St. Petersburg in Russia. Isn’t that neat? I want you all to welcome her.” Great, I thought, now they know, and they’ll ask me questions. The idea was terrifying as the curious eyes glued to my face. I tried not to look at them directly, but Adam’s eyes, like his goofy smile, were impossible to ignore. I bit my lip as he made faces at me and tried not to laugh out loud. He crossed his eyes and pulled back his lips in an even sillier grin, and a giggle escaped me. I covered my mouth with my hands. “What on earth?” Mrs. McWilliams looked down at me then scanned the classroom. “Adam King! You stop that right this instant!” The rest of the class turned to look, but the boy with the funny face was sitting perfectly in his seat. Later, on the playground, he walked up to my lonely spot under the jungle gym and stuck out his hand. “I’m Adam King.” “Zvezda Danica Pavlova,” I replied in the way I’d practiced with Papa that morning. “But you may call me Danica.” He nodded and shook my hand. “Cool! Wanna play tag with me? I bet I’ll beat ya! I’m the fastest in our grade. Everybody says so, even though I’m

actually supposed to be in second grade.” “Why?” I wanted to ask him more, but the words in my head were a garbled mix of Russian and English. He winked at me. “Because I was too smart for those babies. C’mon! Let’s play before they blow the whistle!” He tugged at my arm until I stood up. “You’re it!” he shouted and ran. We’d chased each other until the whistle blew that day, and the day after that… “This it?” The cab driver interrupted my reverie, and I looked out the window. I wasn’t sure why I chose to think about the first time I’d met Adam King when I hadn’t seen or heard from him in ten years. I pushed the wave of nostalgia aside and took in the faded two-story we had parked in front of. “Yeah, this is it.” Peter still lived in the house he’d helped raise me in. I had mixed feelings about being back again. Coming home was the right thing. Peter and the kids needed me. It felt good to be needed again, even if the implications were terrifying to me. What if it’s not enough? “Hey, you going to pay or what?” The cab driver tapped the meter, and I rolled my eyes. “Here.” I shoved a wad of bills into his hand. “This enough?” The guy was an ass, but he did drive me all the way from the airport to the

outskirts of Chapel Hill in the rain. His eyes lit up as soon as the cash was in his hands. “This’ll do. Enjoy your stay, darlin’.” I watched him from the rearview mirror as he salivated over the money I’d forked over. Clearly, I wasn’t getting any help with my things. “Guess I’ll help myself out.” I pushed the door open and kicked it aside farther with my boot until the metal hit the picket fence. The driver didn’t even notice. I hauled my pack and duffel over my shoulders and left the cab without shutting the passenger door. I grinned when I heard him grumble and get out to shut it himself. The picket fence gate opened with a quick nudge of my hips, and I noticed a few things had changed since I’d been gone. The flowers I had tried to keep alive in the front yard were gone, which was no surprise. Poor Petey had a black grease thumb rather than the ideal green. The house looked as though it could use more than one coat of fresh paint. The pretty light blue I’d picked out years ago was peeling and gray. I knew my brother was busy keeping his business running and raising the kids, but the neglect made me sad. I trudged up the front steps, onto the porch, and jumped when the door burst open, bathing me in light. For a moment, Peter’s silhouette appeared as full and strong as I remembered. He had always been this larger-than-life person to me. Maybe it

was the age difference, but I think it was much more than that. “Dani!” My brother wrapped me up in a tangle of bag straps and arms. That was when I could feel the difference in strength, in muscle mass, evidence of the sickness eating away at him. I buried my face in his neck and inhaled the familiar scent of my big brother. I dropped my bags to hold him. Peter led me inside and insisted on carrying my big duffel, while I held on tightly to my satchel. He kicked the door shut behind me and turned the lock. I followed him inside. “The kids are already asleep upstairs. You’ll get to see them tomorrow. I almost didn’t get Anya to bed. She was so excited you were coming. Sasha’s excited too, even though he won’t admit it. He’s nine and thinks that means he should act like he’s a teenager. You know how boys are.” “Yeah, I know,” I said with a smirk. The house hadn’t changed much on the inside —same paintings on the wall Papa had brought from Russia and the lingering scent of cinnamon. The furniture was a bit on the faded side, but the entertainment system was up to date, including a sixty-inch flat screen mounted on the wall. But it was the other changes I noticed most, like the kids’ artwork displayed against the far dining area wall and kitchen, and the shadows on Peter’s face. Peter carried my things upstairs, and he waited

until we were in my old bedroom to talk again. I couldn’t hold back my surprise. “Petey, I didn’t know I was staying here.” He shrugged and grinned at me as he plopped on my old twin bed. “I just never had the heart to change your room into an office, you know, though I did consider a movie room at one point.” He winked at me, and I shoved his arm as I sat next to him. “Never knew you could be so sentimental, Petey. I mean, seriously, you didn’t have to leave everything like it was. It’s been ten years.” I stared at the desk and bulletin board covered in high school photos. Artwork I’d tacked onto my wall in high school was still there, collecting dust. More than one piece was done in Adam’s hand. We had both loved art. My throat clenched tightly as I reached for Peter’s calloused hand. Peter shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. The kids never bother coming in here. They sleep in my old room and your old playroom. I’ve got Dad’s spot downstairs. I wanted to make sure you always had a place in our home. I guess I figured you might want to come back here someday.” I looked up at him then. “All these years, you were waiting for me to come home, but you never asked. I wish you had.” He shrugged, and if I didn’t know him better, I might have missed the tightening at the corner of his eyes. More worry and laugh

lines creased his face than I remembered, and I noticed some gray peeking through his auburn hair. “I knew you would come home when you were ready, baby girl. Besides, I wanted you to have the kind of chance I never did, you know?” “Petey, I feel so bad you dumped all your dreams for me.” “You kidding me? You’re my baby sister. I’d do anything for you, same as I would for Sasha or Anya.” He smiled, and I wanted to forget he was sick, forget the reason I’d come here. I wished so much that I had come home for the reason he’d mentioned before—because I wanted to. Instead, I was the selfish, worthless sister who had never given a second thought to the only family she had left. “You’re too good to me, you know that?” “You’ll make it up to me somehow.” He relaxed and patted me on the knee before standing up. “I’m going to hit the hay. Got an appointment in the AM. Kids have been riding the bus to school every morning. Can you make sure they get up on time?” “When?” “I usually wake them up around seven.” I cocked my finger and fired an invisible shot. “You got it, big boss.” He paused in my doorway and, with a glance, revealed all the worry, agitation, and relief he was really feeling. “Night, baby girl.”

THAT NIGHT I dreamed about stardust and space, the way the inky black swallowed once-brilliant stars until everything was consumed. In the absence of light, I floated in peaceful, cold darkness. Papa had named me after the morning star of Russian folklore, and I was forever embarrassed by the fact. I liked Danica because it was easier to pronounce and not so whimsical. My father had only ever gotten dust for all his grand dreams. I was determined not to follow in his footsteps even though I envied his ability to hope even after the cancer had eaten away most of his body. His soul flared bright and strong until the end. I often wondered if he had felt this peaceful when it was over, floating in eternal black. I wondered if I could stay here and float with him forever. Sunlight woke me from the first peaceful sleep I’d found in years. I blinked against its gold flare, and panic settled as I took in my childhood bedroom. I jumped upright when I saw the two small faces watching me. “Where am I?” I shook my head and wondered if I was still dreaming. “Sasha? Anya?” The children turned to look at each other then back at me. Sasha kept his arms crossed over his chest and observed me with a scowl that eerily resembled my father’s.

Anya climbed onto the bed. I scooted up until my back touched the headboard, but she still braced her hands on my lap. “Papa says you’re gonna take care of us now. Is that true, Aunt Dani?” She spoke with a slight lisp and looked up at me with Peter’s eyes. I hadn’t Skyped the kids in six months, and it was unnerving how much Anya’s little face had changed in that short time. “Um, yeah,” I replied. “I’m going to try my best, for sure.” It sounded lame even to my ears. I pushed my wild morning curls out of my face and tried not to show how her touch bothered me. I wasn’t used to people touching me unless I wanted them to. Anya scrunched her button nose. “Your accent sounds funny, like Papa’s.” I laughed at the fact that she’d even noticed. I usually worked hard to keep a “nowhere” accent. “Well, I’ve sort of lived all over the place, but mostly Russia.” “That’s where you and Papa were born, isn’t it? Papa talks Russian with us sometimes.” She leaned farther, cupped her hand over her mouth, and whispered, “I like it because no one knows what we say.” “Sounds fun.” I kept my surprise to myself. My father had tried to keep the Russian to a minimum while he was alive, to force us to speak better English.

“So…” I leaned forward to clap my hands over Anya’s. “Did you guys want to see me that badly this morning, or is this an inadvertent way to ask me to make you breakfast?” Sasha spoke up finally. “Course not, dummy. You forgot to see us off to the bus stop. We’re late for school.” “Oh shit!” I jumped out of bed. Anya gasped behind me. “You shouldn’t swear!” “Sorry! I’m so sorry, you guys! I must have slept through my alarm! Oh crap, I need clothes. Do y’all have clothes?” I turned to take in their somewhat mismatched outfits and the backpacks on their backs. “Yes? Good. Where did I throw my boots?” Anya held up a calf-length boot with a giggle. “This it?” “Yes! Thank God.” I almost fell trying to pull it on then knelt to grab the other from underneath my bed. “You aren’t gonna do this every day, are you?” Sasha took a step back when I brushed by him to get my satchel. “Course not!” I said with maybe a little too much vehemence, judging by his narrowed eyes. Petey wasn’t kidding when he said the kid was a tough customer. I threw my hair in a ponytail and pulled a jacket over my T-shirt and shorts. “We

won’t be too late,” I said. “It’s just been a while since I’ve had a real schedule. I'll get used to it, trust me.” One thing, Zvezda Danica Pavlova… He gave you one thing to do this morning. “Hope so,” Sasha grumbled. “Have you guys eaten breakfast yet? Do you have lunches?” Sasha sighed as if answering was a burden. “Yeah, we had Pop-Tarts. Papa already packed our lunches last night.” Anya grabbed my hand and tugged me toward the door. “I’m so glad you’re here, Aunt Dani! Sasha never plays with me anymore. You’ll play with me and read to me, won’t you? Can we play dress-up later? Ooh! And watch Batman?” “Batman?” We rushed downstairs, and I searched desperately for Petey’s spare car keys. Sasha answered for his sister and grabbed the key off the hook by the kitchen door. “Yeah, you know the old cartoon? She’s in a retro phase.” I tried not laugh at my nephew’s adult reply and nodded with a smile as I locked the back door behind us. “I love ’90s cartoons. Ever watch Animaniacs, kids?” “What’s that?” Anya asked as I helped her into the back seat. “I can buckle myself, Aunt Dani.” “What’s Animaniacs?” I sputtered and grinned. “Oh, just wait ’til you guys get home from school

today. You ride the bus home, right?” Sasha nodded from his seat next to Anya. “Yeah.” “Good,” I said as I shut the back door. I was thankful my brother owned a garage and two vehicles. I nearly tripped over my feet as I settled into the driver’s seat and realized we were sitting in my old Ford Escape. He kept the car? Not only had he kept it, but it appeared he had redone most of the interior as well. Judging by the sound of the engine when I cranked it, he’d also replaced the old engine with diesel. I felt stupid for wanting to tear up over that and steeled my heart up a bit. “So, which school do you guys go to?” Sasha looked at me in a way that clearly stated his opinion of my capabilities. “Glenwood Elementary.” “Got it,” I said and looked over my shoulder and began backing out of the open garage. That was the school I had attended, the one with the classrooms filled with dusty chalk and old desks, where I’d met Adam King. I gripped the steering wheel. I wasn’t sure how the school and the memory its name triggered could shake me up so badly. I didn’t let myself wonder.

3

HOMETOWN GLORY

T

hanks to my heavy right foot and lack of traffic, we made it to the school in record time. Anya giggled as we swerved up against the sidewalk. Sasha still had a tight grip on the door and his seat belt but wouldn’t admit my driving scared the crap out of him. Seemed he was stubborn like his Aunt Dani in that regard. I smiled and glanced back at the kids once I pulled up to the front of the school. “You guys need me to go in with you? Do I need to sign something? I could walk you to class.” Sasha unbuckled his seat belt and pushed open his door. “We’re fine. I’ll take Anya to her class.” He looked both ways up and down the idle street before shutting his door and running around the back to Anya’s side. “Okay, then.”

I watched Anya pop the seat buckle. She grabbed her Batman lunchbox and smiled toothily up at me. “Bye, Aunt Dani! Will you still be at home after school?” Sasha pulled her door open and took her hand in his to help her out. “You betcha, kiddo.” “C’mon, Anya! Let’s go!” Sasha grumbled. “Have a good—” Sasha shut the door, interrupting me. I sighed as I watched them walk up to the school and through the front doors. Only after I was sure they were gone did I collapse in my seat and hang my head in my hand. “Great… Way to let them down your first day on the job.” I glanced down at my silky nightshirt, jean shorts, and boots. I met my reflection in the rearview mirror and saw for the first time what the kids had seen—wild curls in desperate need of a brushing and mascara-smudged dark eyes. I looked like a poster ad for troubled women. No wonder Sasha hadn’t wanted me to walk them to class. I would have been embarrassed too. “Get it together, Pavlova,” I told my reflection. I was going to be someone my nephew and niece could be proud of, not the reject aunt who never bothered to show up. A knock on my window made me jump and turn to face one of the “men in blue.” I groaned and pressed the button to roll down my window.

The police officer propped his hands over his wide girth and leaned down to meet my eyes. “Ma’am, did you realize you were parked in a noparking zone?” I pasted on my best smile. “No, Officer, was just trying to bring my niece and nephew to school. See, I’ve actually never brought the kids to school before, or any kids for that matter.” “Mmhm…” The officer glanced up and down the street. He was a bit heavy around the edges, but something about him was familiar underneath those aviator sunglasses. “Well,” he announced, “way I see it, I could write you a ticket for a traffic violation, or…” I cringed, ready for it. Looked like my charm had gone in the wastebasket, or it could have been the fact that I looked like a basket case. My mouth fell open when he took off his aviators and laughed. I knew that laugh and that face. “Jeremy Greene?” “Guess I could give you a pass since you remembered my name after ten years.” He leaned in a bit closer, and I stared at the familiar freckles and bright-red hair. It was Jeremy Greene, all right, forty pounds heavier than I remembered. “Wow, it has been a while, hasn’t it,” I offered. He looked up and down the street before smiling back at me. He shook his head. “Danica Pavlova… man, the guys aren’t going to believe this. I recognized your car; thought it might be your

brother at first until I saw all that hair. Same car you drove in high school, right?” “Yeah, Peter kept it up for me ’til I could come back, I guess.” “So, you’re back, huh? For good or just a visit?” I recognized the glint in his blue eyes, a shadow of the crush he’d harbored for me once upon a time. We’d gone on a few dates back in the day. I hadn’t been enough of a science geek for him. But I felt a little better about my looks, thanks to the appreciation on his face. So I played along. I leaned against my window and let my smile grow wider. “Haven’t decided yet. I’m helping Peter out with the kids for now.” I didn’t mention the cancer, didn’t care to give him anything else to feed the local gossip chain. “That’s great, Danica! Glad to see you’re back! Tell you what, if you need a welcome-home tour, I’d be happy to show you around sometime.” “That would be great, Jeremy. I’m busy with the kids, but I’ll let you know. I can’t believe you became a cop! Always thought you’d be a scientist or professor somewhere.” His smile faded somewhat, and I cursed my loose tongue. “Turns out you need money to get through college. I joined the PD, hoping to pay my way, but… well, you can see it didn’t turn out the way I

planned.” “Never does, does it?” I looked back at the elementary school where I’d first met Adam King, where Jeremy the Cop had first told me about his love for dinosaurs. It wasn’t fair that I had ruined Adam’s dreams, any more than it was fair that money had kept Jeremy from his. Dreams were little bastards like that. I heard a garbled voice amid static and watched as Jeremy Greene picked up his radio to listen in. His forehead creased. When did we get so old? He punched a button. “Ten-four.” Then he looked back at me. “Hate to run, but I got another call. Just couldn’t resist saying hi when I saw you.” “I’m glad you did,” I said and realized I meant it. “Oh, and by the way, this really is a no-parking zone.” He winked at me before putting his aviators back on. I rolled my window back up and watched him get into his cruiser in my side mirror then put my car in gear. At least I knew I had one friend left in town. Despite the way the other guys used to tease our resident science geek, I was glad to see he was doing well for himself. Also, it didn’t hurt to have a cop for a friend, just in case. After letting him drive around me, I pulled past the front of the school. As I merged back onto the road, I found the old classic rock station on the

radio. Adam had once said there was no other music worth listening to, and I had to agree with him. Robert Plant wailed about giving me all his love, while I drove past the suburbs and into the heart of town. Instead of going straight home, I took note of how much had changed in Fayetteville. I shouldn’t have been surprised to find a lot less change than I was hoping for. Instead of giving into the urge to drive past our house and toward the King residence, I pulled into the safety of our backyard. Does he still live at home? I wondered but shoved the question into the forbidden zone at the back of my mind. Questions about Adam King were off-limits. Peter had often tried to throw in an update or two but stopped after I kept shutting him down. It was easier for me to pretend I didn’t care. I trudged up the stairs to my old bedroom soon after I locked the back door. I should have used the time to go through the mess of clothes in my duffel or to contact the university back in Petersburg. Officially, I was supposed to be using this time to conduct more research for my department. I blamed jet lag when I collapsed on my bed and threw my duvet over my head.

“DANI?” a familiar voice called from a distance. I

either didn’t have the will to cross over to answer back, or this was just another dream, like the one where I’d come back to Fayetteville to take care of Petey and the kids. “Hey, wake up, baby girl,” the voice called again. I wanted to tell it to go to hell. I was exhausted. My body shook and was rocked by some outside force. The voice grew more insistent, Petey’s voice, speaking to me in Russian. That got my attention. I groaned and twisted under the tangled comforter. I grumbled back in Russian. Peter chuckled, and I opened my eyes to see him smiling over me, his hand resting against my arm. “You’re still impossible to drag out of bed, I see.” He patted my curls, which still hadn’t been brushed. “Anya’s the same way, believe it or not. I tell her all the time she reminds me of her Aunt Dani.” I snorted and rolled my eyes. “Pretty sure I was never that bubbly or adorable.” “Well, you wouldn’t remember, now, would you?” He grinned, and wrinkles broke out at the corners of his periwinkle-blue eyes. They were slightly slanted at the corners, like our father’s had been. Mine were large and a shade of navy that looked black in most lights. “How was your appointment?” I watched his grin soften and worry crease his

forehead. He ran a grease-stained hand through his brown hair. “Never mind that right now. How were the kids this morning? Did Anya bite your head off when you tried to wake her up?” I groaned and tried to pull my duvet back over my head. Peter snatched it out of my hand and tilted his head with an expectant grin. “That bad, huh?” he asked. I answered in a rush. “Well, for starters, I slept through my alarm. When I woke up, they were already dressed and staring at me. You can imagine how stupid I felt when they said they missed the bus.” Peter laughed, and I would have been annoyed if I wasn’t already ashamed of myself. “Sorry, baby girl. Much as I’m enjoying watching you squirm, I’ve got to confess. I got a phone call earlier from Leach at the garage. Said Officer Greene stopped by to check on things. Apparently, Greene went on and on about you being back in town.” Peter’s grin was going to split his face in two if I didn’t break it first. “All the men are rejoicing, I’m sure,” I groaned. Peter shrugged. “I never believed all the rumors, baby girl. I know bullshit when I hear it. You gotta keep in mind, in a town like Fayetteville, they think you’re exotic because you’re Russian.” I shook my head. “But I grew up here. They’ve known me since I was eight.”

He shrugged. “You know how they are in the South. We could have lived here for twenty years, and they’d still consider us foreigners. It’s the accents.” He winked at me. “So, listen, I’m going to go up to the garage to work on a few things with Leach. I should be home in time for dinner.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “You look like the hind wheels of destruction, Petey,” I said, borrowing a favorite phrase from our old neighbor, Ms. Mason. He laughed, but it sounded too shallow, too forced. It may have been ten years since we’d sat face-to-face like this, but I could tell my brother was putting on a good front for me. “I can manage.” “Like hell you can.” I sat up and threw the cover aside. “I’m driving you to the garage, end of discussion.” Peter laughed again while I grabbed a bra and a decent shirt to replace my nightie. “You went to the school dressed like that, huh?” “Shut up,” I said, but I grinned at him over my shoulder. He held his hands up. “Hey, it’s not a bad look, honestly.” I threw my jacket at his face.

4

EVERY DAY IS EXACTLY THE SAME

P

eter must have been feeling lousy to let me drive him in to work. It felt like ages and only yesterday since I’d last driven the ten minutes it took to reach my brother’s pride and joy. He had given up his education after Papa died. I was ten, and Petey was twenty-three. Even though his mother’s inheritance and Papa’s insurance policy had left us with enough to be comfortable, Peter had wanted to work with his hands. He hadn’t wanted to rely on old family money to feed us and worked his way up at Grumpy’s garage downtown. He had saved up enough five years later to open his own place on the outskirts of town, closer to the college. The two-story operation only had two garages, with loads of parts and equipment stacked around and behind the main building. Besides the tiny

office connected to the garages, Petey kept a larger apartment upstairs. Sometimes he sublet it to guys he trusted. On long workdays, when I’d still been in school, he used to crash there too. “See you got a new sign,” I said, observing the red-and-white sign. “I like it. Very retro. Like something you’d see on the front of your granddaddy’s garage.” Petey ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, the kids actually convinced me. Anya likes the colors.” “What did Sasha say?” I pulled in around the back entrance. Peter shrugged and hunched his shoulders in a perfect imitation of his son. “It’s cool, I guess… you know.” I laughed and cut the engine. “Thanks, by the way.” “For what, dragging you back to Smallville, America?” I leaned over the hood of my charcoal-gray Escape and patted her lovingly. “For keeping my first baby alive.” Peter’s laugh was music to my ears. “I couldn’t just get rid of Bertha, could I?” I shook my head and skipped up to loop my arm through his. “Not without facing my wrath. Still, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you sold it.” “How could I give up on that car after all the memories you gave it?” he teased, but I sensed he

was talking about more than the car. I reached up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek before we walked through the back door. “So, who’s at work today? Anyone I know besides Leach?” “Not sure. I let Leach schedule this week since I wasn’t sure how much I’d be coming in. Guess we’ll find out.” After dodging some boxes and cleaning equipment stacked by the back door, we entered the office. I stopped Peter when I recognized the broad back hunched over the desk. “Okay, ma’am, listen to me. If you’re leaking fluid, that’s a bad sign, okay? You need to turn around and come by the shop right now.” I crept up as slowly and silently as my boots allowed on the linoleum. “No, don’t go home first, or you may not make it back up here, understand?” I pounced and jabbed at his ribs. Leach twisted around, face under his beard bright red, blue eyes livid until he recognized me. When I made for another grab, he caught my hand in his and shook his head with a slight grin. “All right, thank you. We’ll see you in a few minutes, Mrs. McSpadden.” He hung up the phone with exaggerated slowness and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re lucky you’re the boss’s kid sister.”

I threw my arms over my chest to mimic his pose and cocked a hip. “Oh yeah? What do you plan on doing to me, anyway? We all know you’re just talk, Leach. No way would you beat me in a fair fight. See these guns?” I pointed to my bicep, which was less than half the size of that of my brother’s oldest American friend. Leach grabbed me around the neck and messed my recently brushed curls, ignoring my protests. “Like I said, lucky.” I cursed at him in Russian and reached around to jab his weak spot beneath the ribs. He squirmed and grunted but finally let me go. He took two cautious steps back, hands upheld. “Jeez! Don’t go all KGB on me, Pavlova.” Peter stepped between us and pushed through the stack of papers on top of the desk. “How’s the morning gone?” Leach turned to him and shrugged. “Pretty slow. I think Mrs. McSpadden has an oil leak. She didn’t realize leaking fluid was a bad sign.” He shook his head. “So, you’ll take care of that one.” Leach threw up his hands. “Me? What about Austin and Taylor? They need the practice.” Peter looked up at him with innocent eyes and a devilish smirk. “But Mrs. McSpadden trusts you, man.” I couldn’t resist interjecting, “She still trying to

hook you up with her daughter? Surely, she gave up ten years ago.” Leach shuddered. “Tries and fails to hook us up. I ain’t seen Amber in twelve years. Woman’s been off on some Caribbean island working with sea turtles or some shit. But that old bat somehow got it in her head I’m the one.” “Let her hook you up!” I teased. “What’s the worst that could happen?” Peter sighed. “I’m not letting Austin or Taylor out of my sight, and you shouldn’t either. They’re still on trial, remember?” Leach rubbed his left arm and smudged it with grease. “Yeah, yeah, I’ve been on their asses all morning. You don’t leave a monkey alone with a wrench.” Peter picked up a paper from underneath the pile, and a string of Russian expletive escaped his mouth. “We haven’t finished working on the old Tbird? That should have been done yesterday!” “Easy, boss. I already cleared it with Mr. Allen. He understands, man.” Peter sank into the chair and held his head in his hand. “Sorry, it’s been a long morning.” Leach looked at me and back to Peter. “Look, boss, I’m glad you’re here. I can keep a better eye on the moron twins over there. But you know I got it covered, right?” Peter scowled. “I can’t just sit at home.” He

leaned back and checked the open door to the small lobby then the side door connecting the office to the garage. Only the occasional shouts and clank of tools made it past the blare of Metallica. “I might as well give up now if I don’t fight this,” my brother confessed and smiled at me. “Dani’s here to make sure I don’t push myself too far. Right, baby girl?” The urge to tear up kept my smile from turning into more than a grimace, but I stood straighter and gave him my best sass. “You bet your ass, Petey.” Leach laughed and nodded sharply. “Fair enough. If you got the office covered, I’m gonna go see what Moe and Curly are up to.” He headed for the door to the garage but glanced back at me one last time. “Glad you’re home, kid.” “Me too,” I said and only then realized how true that was.

TWO HOURS LATER , I had doodled on every good Post-it Note on Petey’s desk and listened to him answer more than one frustrating phone call. My brother was excellent at working the charm, but even he couldn’t disguise his annoyance with the calls from wannabe mechanics. Those were the people in town who tried to “talk shop” with professionals. Occasionally, they knew their business, most of the time not. The highlight of the afternoon came when Mrs.

McSpadden arrived with her leaking hatchback Nissan. Leach was full of tense smiles and polite words. Mrs. McSpadden was full of new stories about her veterinarian daughter. “Dani, don’t hover by the door like that. You’re distracting the kids,” Peter called from the desk. I winked at Taylor, one of the kids Peter had hired fresh from the mechanic program at the high school, then walked back to sit on the edge of the main desk. “Can’t I say hello?” “When was the last time you just said ‘hello’ to a guy?” Peter deadpanned. “What?” I blinked with all the false innocence I could muster. “I thought you didn’t believe all those rumors!” Peter leaned back in his chair to appraise me with a look that said enough. “I said I didn’t believe the rumors people threw about you in high school, but I’m fully aware of your talent for flirting, and you’ve grown up since then, baby girl.” For some reason, a sick feeling welled up in me at the sad look in my brother’s eyes. I had always hated disappointing him, and I got the sense I had done exactly that. I thought briefly of my gypsy wandering over the European continent and the string of guys I’d left behind. “You don’t have to sit here with me all afternoon, you know.” “Maybe I just like hanging out at the garage

with you.” “To think of all those times you whined and moaned about having to hang around the garage with me after school.” “Absence made my heart grow fonder,” I said. “Sure, sure… Listen, I need you to be home by three for the kids. The bus gets there early sometimes. Anya usually begs for a snack the second she walks through the door. Sasha is sneakier about it. He’ll go right for my stash of M&M’s if you don’t watch him. I don’t care if they eat some junk food, just not so it ruins their dinner.” “Jeez, you’ve gotten a lot stricter since I left home.” I poked him in the side. “Yeah, well, I learned a lot raising you.” “Hey! I turned out great!” Peter’s eyebrows shot up, and he opened his mouth with what promised to be a good comeback, but the front door to the lobby chimed. He stood to greet the new customer, and I peeked over his shoulder to catch a glimpse. “Hey, man! How’s it going?” I felt like a coward for ducking behind the desk just then. It wasn’t a big deal, or so I told myself. So what if Caleb Brewer had just walked through the front door? Not the end of the world, just your dignity, Pavlova.

Caleb shook my brother’s hand and stuck his thumbs in his pockets. “I just came by to see if he was working on the T-bird today. Man, that is one sweet ride. Think Mr. Allen would notice if we took it for a joy ride?” Peter shook his head. “Pretty sure Allen would notice if you put one extra mile on his baby. Hey, Dani, you remember Caleb Brewer?” “Dani? Is she here?” I tugged the hair tie from my head and stood up from behind the desk. “Found my hair tie.” I walked into the lobby and gave my brother a nasty look before pasting on a wide grin. “Hey, Caleb.” Caleb Brewer was Adam King’s best friend— besides me, that is—or at least he had been Adam’s best guy friend ten years ago. Most of the wild parties in high school were thrown in the Brewers’ back field. His dad had been too drunk most nights to care what we did. Caleb was taller than I remembered but still built like a square. He had wrinkles around his mouth and at the corners of his dark eyes but had otherwise kept his boyish good looks. He smiled with all his teeth. The fact that they were slightly crooked had never bothered him. “Danica Pavlova,” he finally said with a shake of his head. His reaction eerily echoed Officer Green’s, and I wished I had any reputation other than the one I was given.

“Looks like the rumors are true, after all,” he added with a tilt of his brow. “I always figured you’d come back through town at some point. Most of the gang bet you wouldn’t.” His grin widened. “I should thank you. I just became a rich man.” I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. “Guess something good came out of my coming home.” His grin faded, and his eyes rounded as he looked back and forth between me and Peter. “So, you’re back for good? Boy, will—” “Hey Brewer,” Peter interrupted, “if you want to check with Leach in the garage, he made this week’s work schedule. He’ll probably kiss you for pulling him away from Mrs. McSpadden.” Caleb stared at Peter in confusion before finally nodding. “Right… I’ll just, um,” he said as he took a step back and thumbed at the door, “you know… It was great seeing you again, Danica.” He clapped his hands. “Oh, hey, before I forget, I’m having a barbecue at my place tonight.” “Still in the back field?” I asked. Caleb shoved a hand back in his pocket while grabbing the door with the other. “We’ve actually graduated to the backyard since Dad passed.” “Oh, sorry…” I began, but Caleb waved my words away. If anything, he seemed more at peace than I’d ever known him to be. “Don’t mention it. You’ll come tonight, right?

Gotta have you there so you can back me up in front of the gang. They’ll never believe you’re really back unless you show up.” I lifted my chin and tried to meet the unspoken challenge in his gaze. “I might come by later.” “Great.” He grinned. “See you later, Pavlova.”

5

FOREVER YOUNG

T

he bus breaks were screeching about the time I made it through the back door. I ran around the house like a mad woman, tossing keys and peeling off my boots by the dining table. I raced to the front door and unlocked it just as Sasha and Anya walked down the front walkway. Sasha looked both startled and surprised when I opened the door for them. “Aunt Dani!” Anya let go of her brother’s hand and threw her arms around my waist. “You’re still here!” She seemed to have one volume after school, but I hugged her back. It felt better than I expected. “How was school?” I called to Sasha as I shut the door behind us. He shrugged and slung his backpack by the stairs. “I have homework,” he said.

“And you’re actually admitting it?” I asked, ignoring the funny look he gave me. Anya grabbed my hand and tugged me up and down until my arm felt like rubber. “Can I have a snack? And then can we watch Batman?” “Sure, shvibzak.” “I’m not an imp!” Anya protested. I darted ahead of Sasha and grabbed the M&M’s out of the pantry before he could reach them. He narrowed his eyes at me. “Sorry! I’ve got this awful sweet tooth. Can’t help myself, really. It’s why I’m so fat,” I said and twisted side to side to show them the imaginary pounds. Truth was I could eat all the M&M’s I wanted, thanks to a little metabolism and thyroid issue. Anya snorted and giggled. “Aunt Da-ani! You’re not fat!” “That’s what you think. I’m a fat girl at heart.” I pulled out a box of blueberries from the fridge and marveled at the lengths my brother’s parenting skills had grown. When I was little, we’d eaten like college dorm mates until I learned how to cook. Anya snagged the blueberries and ran into the living room to sit in front of the TV. She picked up a controller and stuck her tongue out of the corner of her mouth as she pressed buttons. Again, I marveled at the mastery kids these days had over modern tech. She probably knew more about it than I did.

Sasha reached past me to grab a can of Pringles and gave me a fake smile. “Sorry, I have a real junk food tooth.” I ran a hand through his hair and rolled my eyes. “You and me both. C’mon. You can do your homework later.” Again, he looked at me with a blend of wonder and confusion. “You’re not what I thought you’d be like.” “Neither are you,” I teased. We sat down on the couch with Anya and settled in for some ’90s era cartoons.

TRUTH WAS I sucked at being a parent. I’d tried to warn Peter before he let me have free rein over his kids. All I knew about kids was the fact that I used to be one and had hated the way most adults talked to me. I didn’t know how to treat my nephew and niece any differently from the people I talked to every day. The kids didn’t seem to mind too much. By the time we binge-watched three episodes of Animaniacs, Sasha was laughing as openly as Anya. When Peter walked through the front door, Sasha got up and pulled his homework out on the dining table without either of us saying a word. I grinned at the smell of pizza emanating from the boxes in my brother’s hands. “Compliments of Uncle Leach, kids,” he

announced. Sasha and I competed to see who could eat the most pieces of pizza, and I won the prize. Sasha looked as though he would hurl after his four slices but kept it in. Peter showed me how to draw a bath for Anya and where the kids’ bedtime clothes were kept. Her bedroom was a clashing mix of Batman and pink. Sasha seemed to prefer more serious décor, judging from the science charts on his walls. The second I saw them, I understood why he wanted to do his homework. Sasha took care of himself for the most part, even did some of his own laundry. That sounded more like the parenting I remembered. Peter tried to make me as independent as possible from an early age. Sasha was the type who wouldn’t ask for help even if he needed it. I could relate. Anya demanded a bedtime story from me, and I couldn’t say no to her. I looked over my shoulder for my brother’s help, but he was already in Sasha’s room. “Please, Aunt Dani? Tell me about Baba Yaga! I like her stories.” “Really? You sure that’s not too scary before bed? She does like little children, you know, for supper.” Anya giggled. “Aunt Da-ani! She doesn’t eat little kids; she helps people.”

“Most of the time,” I mused and thought back to all the essays and research I had done on the mythic Russian figure. “Can you say it in Russian? Papa always tells us stories in Russian.” I nodded and chewed on my thumbnail a second as I thought of a more obscure one then began.

THE OLD B REWER place was about ten miles outside of town, hidden among the pines. It was almost impossible to find it unless you had been once before. Roads out here were winding and confusing during the day and treacherous at night. I kept one eye on the road and one on the trees, in case any deer decided to jump out in front of my little Escape. No moon shone tonight, thanks to recent rainfall, but I could have driven here with my eyes closed. Most Saturday nights of my high school career had been spent here with Adam and our other friends. Since I hadn’t had the guts to ask Peter or Caleb anything about Adam King, I was left to the suspense of not knowing whether he would show up. I turned into the half-mile-long drive leading to the old Brewer place and was surprised by the lack of junk in the front yard. No stray porcelain in

sight. Several new outside lights lit up the rows of cars and the new coat of white paint on the onestory farmhouse. All in all, it was a far cry from the neglected state it had been in while old Mr. Brewer was alive. I grabbed the bottle of vodka I’d bought from the local liquor store and left the safety of my car behind. Music played in the backyard, and I could already smell a blend of smoked meat, burnt wood, and the forest bordering the property. I tried to approach the party going on in the back with light steps. I had changed into pants and a different shirt beneath my jacket but felt stupid because I’d put so much effort into my look. It doesn’t matter what these people think. They didn’t matter then, and they don’t matter now, I told myself. But I froze the moment I came around the corner and saw the people standing around the fire pit. “Danica Pavlova!” Caleb Brewer shouted and held his beer up high as he wove his way through the small crowd. He nearly tripped twice on his way to my side. I don’t think I could have moved forward on my own and was almost grateful when he threw his arm over my shoulders. “Glad to see you have some balls after all,” he said against my hair. “I just borrowed yours for the night.” We walked slowly to the fire pit, but it felt more as

though he was dragging me. Caleb laughed. “You’re welcome to them anytime.” He leaned forward and winked at me. “C’mon, the gang's been dying to see you all night. Ooh, is that for me?” I hugged the vodka to my chest when he tried to grab it from my hands. “This is for me and my friends.” Caleb leaned back and held up his beer with an incredulous gesture. “Are you trying to hurt me on purpose, Danica?” “Are we going to pretend everyone doesn't hate me tonight?” Caleb jostled me against his side in what might have been intended as a hug. “To be fair, you knew what you were walking into. Ten years is long enough to let go of old grudges, right? Besides, I think they’re more curious about you than pissed at you.” “Okay, let’s do this.” I gripped the bottle more tightly as we came closer to the fire. People had already turned toward us, firelight and shadows playing over their features, and were talking among themselves while sneaking glances at me. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone, though I already knew Adam wasn’t there. That knowledge gave me enough courage to lift my chin and paste a confident grin on my face. Caleb announced me again, as if everyone

didn’t already know. “Danica Pavlova, in the flesh! I told y’all she would show up, didn’t I? Time to pay up!” I scanned the crowd briefly and noted all the familiar faces. There were a couple of newbies in the group who must have come along after high school. Jameson, as we called the one jock of our group, was nursing a beer and grinning with blatant appraisal. He had a lot more tattoos than I remembered, sleeves crawling up his bare arms and peeking from his shirt collar to scroll around his neck. “Hey, Danica,” he said as he approached us and reached out to pull me into a bear hug. “Where the hell have you been the last ten years, baby?” I opened my bottle of vodka. I was definitely not sharing now. I took a sip of liquid courage and smiled back at him. “Everywhere. Where have you been?” He laughed and glanced over his shoulder at the rest of the group. Three more of the guys came over to join our conversation, while the women hung back in a huddle. “Danica, you may remember these three assholes,” Jameson said. My smile strained a bit, but I managed to keep my tone civil. “Hey, guys.” Shane, Jake, and Ted were indeed assholes I had dated at one point or another. “Looking good, Pavlova,” Jake said with a nod

as he lifted his beer to his lips. Wish I could say the same for you, psycho, I thought. I forced my smile to stretch and said, “You always were the charmer, Jake.” He laughed to himself and nudged Shane next to him. Shane was black and the only one of the three I could somewhat stand. Ted still rubbed me the wrong way. “Long time, no see, beautiful,” Ted said with a creepy smile. Still date-raping teenage girls, Ted? Jameson stepped in before the words could escape the tip of my tongue. “You really were gone too long, Danica. We’ve missed having you the life of the party.” He leaned in to whisper, “The other girls don’t have your talent for outdrinking me.” “What are you talking about? I don’t drink.” I took another swig of vodka and savored the burn. It wasn’t Russian, but it would do for the night. I had no intention of outdrinking Jameson or anyone in this town. Peter and the kids are counting on you. Jameson laughed and slipped his arm around my waist. “Baby, your accent is so much thicker than it used to be. It’s sexy as hell.” “Glad you approve,” I murmured and tried to ignore the muscles poking through his shirt. The boy had always been in shape, but now he was ripped. “So what do you do for a living?”

He leaned back, and I shrugged off his arm. “I’m a security contractor for the highest bidder.” Caleb put his hand on my shoulder and leaned enough to show me how drunk he already was. “What he means is he’s a gun for hire.” Jameson shrugged. “No one respectable would hire me. I used to ink, but the contracting pays more.” I turned to Caleb and shoved the attraction I had for Jameson aside. Been there, done that, I reminded myself. Jameson was the only one I’d come close to having sex with. He was also the source of most of the nasty rumors about me. “So, Caleb, I didn’t get a chance to ask you what you did these days,” I said. Caleb saluted me with his beer. “High school math teacher.” I choked. “What? Are you kidding me? After all your talk about vet school?” Caleb shrugged. “I fell in love, settled down. Andi and I keep pets and horses in the barn.” “You’re kidding.” I turned to the crowd of girls and saw Andi’s smiling face. Her hair was as red as ever and her doe eyes just as innocent as the days we called her “goody.” “I know what you’re thinking. How did a Brewer ever get so lucky?” Caleb sighed and winked at me.

“I’m happy for you. Kids?” “Yep, already asleep in the house. Andi just came out before you showed up. They sleep like logs.” As if his words had summoned the petite redhead, Andi Brewer, née Pink, joined us. The other girls hesitated by the fire. “Thanks for coming by, Danica!” she said, sweet and saccharine as ever. “Thanks for the invite,” I replied. I’d never felt comfortable around the girls since most had called me a whore and thought I would steal their boyfriends. Andi had always been nice to me, and this made me nervous for some reason. This feeling doubled when she took my hand in hers. “I think it’s a wonderful thing, what you’re doing for Peter.” “How do you know about that?” She smiled. “Caleb already knew and told me you came back to help with the kids. We babysit sometimes, I guess you know.” “I didn’t know,” I said, but found myself smiling back. Andi had that effect on people. I wasn’t the best babysitter or aunt in the world. “Thanks,” I choked and took another sip before adding, “for babysitting.” Thanks for being here while I wasn’t. Andi squeezed my hand and let go. She melded against Caleb’s side. Her pale features next to his darker brown worked somehow. I liked her for not

making me feel seventeen again. “Oh shit,” Caleb hissed under his breath. I turned to follow his line of sight. “Shit,” I whispered. Two of the other girls greeted another latecomer to the party. He was taller than I remembered. His shoulders were broader, chest thicker, and his hair shorter. “Didn’t think I could get off in time to make it tonight,” Adam King called to Caleb, ignoring the girls hanging off his tanned arms. Caleb’s voice was obviously affected, but he tried to play it off by going up to Adam like he had me. “Glad you could make it, man!” Adam nodded and took the hand Caleb offered for a quick shake. His smile didn’t reach his eyes, didn’t break the shadow that made him look so haggard. He was so withdrawn into himself, so different and so the same in other subtle ways. I couldn’t breathe. The rest of the crowd moved to greet Adam King, and his beautiful eyes rose to meet them. I wanted to duck and run. I thought the bottle might break in my hands. He tensed when Caleb leaned in to whisper in his ear. It was the look in his eyes as he looked directly at me I didn’t recognize, when I realized we were strangers.

6

SOMETHING I CAN NEVER HAVE

I

wished I could say I stood my ground and walked up to Adam with a saucy grin on my face. That was how I imagined it playing out in my head, at least. But the truth was I was a coward. I ran. That was the gypsy in my blood. “What the hell, Caleb!” Adam shouted. I heard the early stages of a scuffle behind us. I didn’t turn around to watch. “Sorry, man, didn’t know you would be here tonight!” Caleb protested. A girl screamed. “Caleb!” Andi screeched. “Chill out, guys!” Jameson growled. I dared a glance over my shoulder to see Adam, my best friend, throw a heavy punch in his face. Jameson fell to the ground, and Adam looked up. I turned the moment our gazes clashed for the

second time and stumbled through the backyard, into the shadows beside the house. My vision blurred, and I rubbed the tears out as fast as I could. I hated this, hated this stupid small town and the stupid guys. I hated Adam for being so different, but not as much as I hated myself. I dropped my keys next to my car and cursed. I crouched down to feel the grass and gasped when another hand brushed mine. It was nearly twice as big as mine, with long, calloused fingers and numerous scars I didn’t remember. I stood and nearly collided with Adam King. He pushed the keys into my hand, but I barely noticed. I might as well have been dead. I hadn’t even heard him come after me. His chest heaved from the fight, and his once beautiful eyes were filled with something wild and burning. His voice was deeper—the voice of a man, not the boy who’d loved me. “You don’t belong here,” he began, and I could tell he was holding back more, a lot more. He might as well have cut me with the words. I wanted to agree with him, lie down, and admit I had screwed up. But that was when I remembered the shell of a man my brother was now, when I saw the faces of my niece and nephew. So instead of giving in, I saw red. “I’m pretty sure I was invited here,” I said as I gripped the bottle in one hand and my keys in the

other. The pinch of pain woke me up. His voice rose. “It was a mistake. Caleb was trying to stir up shit.” “You mean it was a mistake to invite the biggest slut in school. No one lets me forget that, do they?” I spat back. The muscles in his forearms bulged, and I noticed the grease staining his skin. He spoke past clenched teeth. “You know what this is really about!” “Do I?” I challenged, but I was finding it harder to stand my ground. He was standing a lot closer than I realized. While the old Adam King was an open book of facial expressions, this Adam might as well have been made of stone. Again, I hated him for doing that to himself. “You had no right showing up here. These are my friends! You left all that behind a long time ago!” He leaned forward, fury breaking past the mask on his face. “You have no right telling me where I’m allowed to go or who I’m allowed to see!” “I never told you what to do!” “Pretty sure that’s exactly what this is! What are you gonna do? Forbid all our old friends from speaking to me? Well, congratulations, that won’t be a problem. ’Cause the last place I wanna be is around a bunch of assholes still hung up on high school!” It was a low blow, I knew, but I wasn’t in control of my tongue anymore.

“What the hell, Danica! Cut the bullshit!” he shouted. “Quit acting like a controlling boyfriend!” I pushed his chest with my bottle hand, but he didn’t budge. Instead, he grabbed the vodka out of my hands. “You aren’t leaving like this!” “Oh, so now I’m not allowed to leave?” I grabbed the neck of the bottle and tried to tug it free. “That’s my liquor, asshole!” He raised his arm up higher and held me off with his free hand. When did he get so freaking strong? “You’ve had enough of this shit!” He threw the bottle aside, ignoring my scream, and grabbed the keys out of my other hand. “What do you think you’re doing?” Caleb and Andi came running up to us then. Caleb’s face looked as if it had been rammed by a concrete block. Andi picked up the tossed vodka while Caleb put his hand on my shoulder. “Please, guys, you’re going to wake the kids up.” Adam took my hand in his and pulled me out of Caleb’s grasp. “I’m taking her home,” he grunted. “Hell no, I am not going anywhere with you,” I hissed and dragged my feet. Adam pulled me to the passenger seat and set me inside as if I weighed nothing. His willing touch

sent a series of violent sparks, a chain reaction that made me lean into him, only slightly. I froze when I heard the click of my seat belt. “Bastard,” I spat at him. His arms flexed as he shut my door, scowl frozen in place. I crossed my arms over my chest. I could have tried harder to escape, but I didn’t know this new Adam. He was a lot more physical than I remembered and a lot less patient, apparently. I was too pissed, in more than one way, to do anything other than sulk. Caleb tried to grab Adam before he could climb inside my little SUV. “Man, I swear I didn’t know. When you said you were working tonight, I just assumed…” “Not now.” Adam shoved Caleb’s hand off and slid into the front seat. He glared at Caleb while adjusting the seat to fit his much larger frame. “We’ll talk about this later, Brewer.” He slammed the door shut before Caleb could touch it and revved my engine to life. He didn’t speak again until we had pulled out of the Brewers’ winding drive onto the back roads. I was still too angry to speak and too dumb to do anything adult about it. “You shouldn’t have come tonight.” I snorted. “Obviously.” He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “I didn’t mean to lose it earlier.” “I tend to have that effect on men,” I

murmured and rested my elbow on the door, my chin in my hand. “You didn’t have to pitch the vodka. It was a twenty-dollar bottle.” “You drank at least thirteen of that.” And then, after another long moment, he said, “You were running away from me again.” I dragged my knees up to my chest and stared out the window. “You were yelling.” “Guess I have that effect on women,” Adam said after an even longer pause. I turned to find him staring straight out the windshield with the same scowl creasing his brow. “Was that supposed to be a joke?” I blurted. “What, I can’t have a normal conversation with you?” I didn’t reply because I didn’t know the answer to that. I didn’t know this Adam. I was too afraid to try. You’ll only hurt him again. Adam sighed as though releasing a weight off his chest. “Seeing you there tonight took me off guard. I wasn’t ready. But it is what it is, and I need to go ahead and get this off my chest. I don’t want you to talk, just listen.” He glanced at me again and took another tense breath. “Okay.” I shifted in my seat and tried not to study his profile, the two days’ worth of stubble on his square jaw, or the scar running across his forehead and down the side of his face into his

hairline. “I’ve got a life here that took me a long time to come back to. The way I said it earlier was wrong, but I meant it. I don’t want you coming around the Brewers’ place anymore.” I dug my fingers into my knees and bit my tongue at that comment. “For me, the Brewers’ is one of the few places I can go where I feel like myself. I’m not telling you what to do. I’m asking you for a favor, if you ever cared about me. I know you’re in town for Peter and the kids, and that’s fine. But I think it’s best if we don’t see each other.” I waited, and when he had nothing else to add, I looked up to find his eyes on me again. This time, they weren’t hard and withdrawn, but weary. What had given him the worry lines at the corners of his eyes and forehead? It doesn’t matter. You heard the man. You’re poison. Adam had every right to be angry with me, but some part of me couldn’t let it go. “It’s been ten years, you know,” I said and held his gaze. “Can’t we at least be civil?” His eyes narrowed slightly, and his mask fell in place again. “Guess what happened was nothing to you, just another high school fling. Except it didn’t just happen with some guy, Danica. It happened with me.”

My head was spinning slightly, but I recognized the lights on Peter’s house and knew we were already home. Adam leaned between the seats and reached over to pop open my door. “I’ll get the car to Peter tomorrow.” I stumbled out of my car and opened my mouth to say all the things burning in my throat. I wanted to cut him, hurt him like his words hurt me. He pulled the door shut behind me before I could speak. I teared up again. I wanted to hate him, but he was right, and I was just the bitch who’d broken his heart.

7

IN THE MORNING

I

dreamed about Adam’s lips that night, the way they traced lines down my face while his hands squeezed my backside and traveled up my spine. The Adam in my dream was the boy I loved, a little pudgy around the middle, with freckles dotting his bare shoulders. His legs were useless because of his accident, and I had to help our lovemaking along. I was getting so close and moaned when he flipped us over so I was on my back. I opened my eyes and stared into the tanned, creased face of the Adam I’d met last night. His body had grown, filled out with muscle, and his arms led me with their new strength. When he rocked into me, he filled me completely and stretched me deeper. I gripped the bedsheets and arched my back… KNOCK, KNOCK

I opened my eyes and stared not into the beautiful eyes of Adam King, but the glow-in-thedark stars I had stuck on my bedroom ceiling in junior high. I let go of the sheets I’d nearly ripped and threw an arm over my face. My breath came in shallow gasps, and the urge, the need was still there. Someone knocked again on the door downstairs, and I was thankful it wasn’t to my bedroom. I heard my brother’s slightly muffled voice and cursed the house’s thin walls when Hailey King’s voice answered him. “Morning, Peter. I brought breakfast.” “That smells fantastic. Thanks, Hailey. Come on in. I was just about to wake the kids up.” I pulled on a pair of shorts in case my University tee wasn’t large enough for modesty and crept out of my bedroom. I almost tripped on the kids at the top of the stairs and knelt between them. “What’s going on?” I whispered. “Why is she here?” Anya’s curls looked about as wild as mine and bounced when she looked up. “She’s friends with Papa. I think he likes her, likes her.” Sasha shushed her when she started giggling. “They’ll here you!” he hissed and looked up at me with a scowl. For once, it wasn’t directed at me. “She started coming around a couple months ago. She’s always bringing us food and stuff. I don't like

her.” Me, neither, kid, I agreed. “She is really pretty, though, Sasha,” Anya whispered solemnly. “She has hair just like Rapunzel.” I nodded and answered, “That is impressive.” Sasha leaned in and put up a hand to my ear. “She’s too nice to us. Papa asked me the other night if I liked her.” I looked down at him, amused. “What did you say?” Sasha grimaced. “What do you think?” Peter’s voice floated up the stairs. “Hey, you guys going to just hang out on the stairs all morning, or you gonna come eat some doughnuts?” Anya yelped and giggled as she darted down the stairs to attack Peter in a hug. Sasha groaned and shared a look with me as we stood to follow. “Just watch her. You’ll see,” he told me, and I realized my nephew might like me a little after all. Hailey King didn’t have hair as long as Rapunzel’s, but it was golden and tied up in a bun behind her head. She moved around the kitchen, pulling napkins from the pantry to place on the table as if she owned the place. Two pink doughnut boxes sat on the dining table. “Morning,” she greeted us as we entered the kitchen. “Morning, Hailey!” Anya replied.

“Hey, there, baby girl.” Hailey smiled when Anya hugged her around the middle before sitting at the table. I crossed my arms over my chest and clenched my jaw to keep from saying anything I’d regret. It may have been because we had never gotten along or the fact that she called my niece by the pet name my brother used for me, but I wanted to rip her golden hair out. I didn’t notice Sasha standing in a similar pose next to me until Hailey turned to greet him. “Sasha, did you sleep okay?” My nephew shrugged and kept his scowl in place. Peter came up behind him and pushed him forward by the shoulders. “C’mon, tough guy, eat. You guys need to get ready in the next ten minutes.” Hailey met my stare once the kids and Peter sat down. A mix of expressions crossed her face before an icy mask settled in. In that moment, she looked a lot like the new Adam King. “Danica.” “Hailey,” I acknowledged as I sat in the chair opposite her, between Sasha and Peter. I listened while Peter laughed with Hailey, as though they did this every morning. I didn’t touch any of her doughnuts. “Leach got paid a visit by Mrs. McSpadden yesterday,” Peter said.

“Seriously? Did she give him Amber’s number again?” “No, but it gets better. Apparently, Amber’s coming into town for a mini fall vacation next week. And she’s actually interested in meeting Leach.” Hailey shrugged and said, “When you get to a certain age, the pickings can be pretty slim. You think they’ll hit it off?” She rested a stray hand over his open palm. Anya interrupted. “I have a boyfriend.” “Do not.” Sasha grunted out the words. “You're just a baby, and babies can’t have boyfriends.” “Can too!” Anya stuck her tongue out at him. “Be nice to your sister,” Peter warned. Hailey leaned forward, and her green eyes sparkled. “Who’s your boyfriend, Anya?” “Timmy,” Anya announced with a lift of her little chin. “He’s my very best friend and gives me flowers and kisses.” Peter choked on his orange juice, and Hailey patted him firmly on the back with a laugh. “Easy, Papa Bear. I’m sure it’s not what you’re thinking.” Peter shook his head. “I think I need to meet this Timmy and have a discussion with him.” Sasha growled at his sister. “You better not be kissing anyone, Anya.” “You can’t tell me what to do, Sasha! Only Daddy tells me what to do, right, Papa?”

“For now, thank God.” Sasha pushed his chair back and gave Hailey one last nasty look. “We better not be late today, Papa.” “What time is it?” Peter leaned back to look over my head at the kitchen clock and cursed in Russian. “C’mon, kids, let’s go. Brush your teeth; get your clothes. Already have your lunches ready.” He chased them out of the room and up the stairs. I kept my gaze trained on Hailey and crossed my arms over my chest. “So… what are you doing here, Hailey?” Hailey narrowed her catty eyes back at me. “I could ask you the same thing, Danica. You haven't bothered to show up before now.” Ouch, she doesn’t pull her punches. Instead of flying over the table to slap her in the face like I wanted to, I dug my nails into my elbows. “I see you haven’t changed. Still working at the hospital with your mom?” “Yeah, I got my RN license not long after you left. I hear you got an MA at St. Petersburg. Same major as your dad.” “Seemed like a good idea at the time,” I replied and smirked when she started to twiddle her thumbs. Good, you should be nervous. Her next words took me off guard. “I’m here for the same reason you are, you know. I’m not

those kids’ mother, but I’m your brother’s friend.” “Just his friend? I’m surprised you aren’t married with kids of your own.” Hailey’s voice lost some of its bite as she said in a low voice, “Never found anyone as good as your brother.” “Well, there’s something we can agree on.” “Good, because I’m not going anywhere,” she said. Hailey smiled, this time with her frosty mask back in place. “Oh, and by the way, stay away from my brother.” I leaned over and set my elbows on the table. “Only if you stay away from mine.” The herd of elephants pounding over our heads announced Peter and the kids’ arrival as they marched downstairs. Hailey and I stood at the same time to meet them, but I made it to the front door first. Anya took my hand in hers and gave me her best pitiful puppy look. “You'll be here when we get home, Aunt Dani?” I grinned and pulled her in for a quick hug. “You betcha.” “Bye,” Sasha called over his shoulder as he pulled open the front door. “C’mon, Anya, the bus is here!” Anya took his offered hand, and they ran to the street together. Hailey looked up at Peter with adoring eyes.

“Want a ride to work?” Peter grinned lazily at her as he reached up to lean against the doorframe. “Thanks, but Danica is taking me today. Isn’t that right, baby girl?” I nodded, thankful for any excuse to get rid of Hailey King. “Yep, maybe next time, Hailey.” Hailey nodded but masked her disappointment by leaning in to kiss Peter’s cheek. “I'll see you later?” “I’ll call you, babe.” He shut the door after watching her walk down the front walk. Only then did we turn to face each other, and I asked, “What was all that about?”

P ETER HAD GIVEN me a classic runaround when I asked him about Hailey, while he demanded to know what had happened after he left the kitchen table. Thirty minutes later, we were both dressed and driving down the street for his garage. Both of us were still pissed. “You sure you’re good to work this morning?” I asked, breaking the long silence. Peter looked out of his passenger window. We had to take his car, and he made suspicious little fuss over the fact, as if he already knew. “Yeah,” he said. “I feel good this morning. Might as well take advantage of it.” I gripped the steering wheel a little too tightly.

“’Kay. I’m gonna try and catch up with the university. Need a ride home?” “Leach said he can take me whenever I want.” “Good. If he can’t, call or text me, and I’ll pick you up.” His car was a fully restored ’67 Ford Mustang. It purred when it ran. A tiny tap of the gas could push the speed from twenty to eighty in a few seconds. I tried not to press the pedal too hard. “The kids love you already, you know,” he said. “You’re doing a good job, baby girl.” I smiled. Petey had never been able to stay mad at me for long. “I haven’t even been here two full days yet, Petey.” “I know, and I meant what I said. How did it go last night, by the way? Besides the fact you couldn’t drive yourself home?” “Like I expected. So, are you gonna tell me why you’re sleeping with Hailey King again?” Peter sighed. “I told you we could talk about it later.” “How about now?” Peter nodded to himself a moment before turning to face me. “First of all, we haven’t slept together yet. It’s kind of a long story, but Hailey came by the garage, and we sort of hit it off.” “Petey, you guys dated off and on the whole time I was in high school. Did you forget why you broke up every time?”

“Listen, baby girl, I know it can’t be easy having her around. The two of you never did get along great for some reason, but we’ve all grown up a little more. Besides, she already knows about the cancer. She’s still here, and that’s the only thing that matters.” I tapped the steering wheel. “Yeah, and what about when things get bad? Will she be there for you? Will she take care of the kids?” Peter laughed and took my hand in his. I put my foot on the brake and parked behind his garage on the outskirts of town. When he squeezed my hand, I met his knowing smile. “Right now, we’ve just been on a couple of dates. She’s coming by to pick me up tonight once the kids are in bed. She helps me forget I’m sick. That’s why I’m dating her again. Can you accept that?” “I don’t like it, but I can accept it.” I shook my head. “I just want you to be happy, Petey. If dating Hailey King again does that, then I’ll support you.” Peter grabbed hold of either side of my head and leaned in to kiss my forehead the way he used to. “Thank you.” “You’ll have a harder time convincing Sasha, though,” I warned him as he stepped out of the vehicle. “That’s why I hired you, Nanny. Now you get to convince him.”

“Oh, thanks!” I laughed. “Don’t worry about your car. I’ll make sure it gets home. I'll check in with you later,” my brother said as he shut the passenger door and walked to the back entrance. “Break his heart, Hailey King, and I’ll break your face,” I promised. It wouldn’t be the first time Hailey had screwed with my family, though since I’d done the same to her, I guess we were even. A prickling sensation made the hairs at the back of my neck stand on end, and I rubbed my arms. No one was in this part of the yard this time of morning, not on the street, either, but I couldn’t shake the feeling someone was watching me. I glanced up at the second-story windows but saw no one there. Must be imagining things, Zvezda Danica.

AFTER DROPPING P ETER OFF, I found my way to a local café downtown, the sort that makes its own coffee and teas, with a side art gallery and indie music scene for the nightly college crowd. The air smelled like heaven, and after ordering the largest caramel mocha latte possible, it tasted like heaven too. I sat against the wall in a far corner with my laptop open and greedily sucked my sugar coffee down. As was expected, there were no personal emails

waiting in my inbox. Three were from the university back in Petersburg, while another was from the housekeeper who looked after the house I occasionally lived in. Housekeeping was necessary for me in Russia, since I was hardly ever home long enough to keep cobwebs away. I sent back a quick reply and clicked on the university emails. One was from my department head, explaining all I was expected to work on to receive payment. The next was about my project. Apparently, they wanted me to connect with the local university in Fayetteville to acquire certain items and hopefully compare research. Most of my trips across the European continent had been in pursuit of knowledge, at least on paper. Now that I was back in America, my department hoped I would continue my research. The third email gave me contact info for Carolina University. I pushed through the tedious communication until I drained my caramel mocha. At the last moment, I decided to send another email to my housekeeper. There were a few items sitting around my house in boxes that the kids would like. I smiled as I thought of Anya’s love for the witch Baba Yaga. After clicking Send, I stuck my laptop back in my pack and went to the counter to order another large to go. The girl behind the counter had multiple piercings and streaks of green in her dyed-black

hair but acted as chipper as Andi while she took my order. She glanced up at the sound of the doorbell, and an even bigger smile transformed her face. “Hey, Mrs. King! The usual again today?” I clutched my pocketbook, praying it wasn’t my Mrs. King, the woman who’d practically raised me alongside Adam. Mrs. King laughed, confirming my fears, and replied, “Yes, thank you, Jessie.” “One mocha latte with extra whipped cream, coming up!” Jessie announced with dramatic flair. Drama student, I’d bet my paycheck on it. She handed my large caramel mocha to me, and I handed over cash, postponing the inevitable. “Danica Pavlova?” Mrs. King asked as she leaned against the counter I was propped against. I winced and turned slowly, preparing for the worst. Mrs. King wrapped me up in a warm embrace, and I savored the familiar blend of scents she carried—hospital and cinnamon. It wasn’t Dior, but it smelled like home to me. “Danica! I heard you were back in town,” she said as she pulled back and held me in place by the shoulders. Her smile held quite a few more wrinkles, and her once golden hair was peppered with gray, but she wore it well. I still had to look up to meet her gaze. “It’s really good to see you, Mrs. King.”

“I am so glad I ran into you, honey. How long will you be in town for?” She released my shoulders but took hold of my arm in her enthusiasm. “Long as Peter needs my help,” I offered with a shrug. I tried to keep the truth from my expression. The truth was a different matter. Mrs. King’s smile was genuine as she nodded. “Yes, Hailey mentioned something about that. I think it’s wonderful you’re here for those kids. Their mama sure hasn’t bothered herself much to care for them at all.” “Here’s your drink, Mrs. King,” the barista announced. “Thank you, Jessie.” Mrs. King replied as she handed over a five. “Good luck on your exams, by the way,” she added, Southern charm turned on. Jessie beamed. “Thanks, Mrs. King!” Mrs. King took my arm again with her free hand and walked me to the door. She had always been on the move when we were growing up. “I have to be back at the hospital in fifteen, so here’s what I’m thinking. I get off early tonight, about six. Would you like to come by for supper about seven?” “Um, yeah, that would be great, but I don’t think I can make it tonight. I have to babysit the kids.” And I sort of promised your son I’d stay out of his life.

Mrs. King chuckled. “How silly of me. I forgot about Hailey’s date with Peter. How about those two? Been dancing around each other for ages, haven’t they?” She paused outside the café and took a quick sip of her latte. “Well, since you’re busy, how about tomorrow night?” “I don’t know, Mrs. King…” I began. “Nonsense, Danica Pavlova. I haven’t seen your pretty face in ten years! You must tell me all about your world travels. I guarantee it’s been more exciting than life in our dinky town. Humor an old woman.” She laughed, and my resolve weakened. “Here, at least let me give you my number. That way, you can text me tomorrow and let me know if you can make it or not.” She pulled her phone from the pocket of her scrubs. I tapped the side of my cup and bit my lip. “I should check with Peter… but that sounds good.” I gave her my number. I justified my choice by the second warm hug Mrs. King gave me and by the fact that Adam had only asked me to stay away from the Brewers.

8

PALE BLUE EYES

P

eter texted just after I made it home, letting me know he wouldn’t be home until bedtime. Hailey King had offered to pick him up from the garage. Long as I didn’t have to look at her condescending face, I was down with that plan. I didn’t care to face the witch after making dinner plans with her mother. Somehow, I had the feeling she wouldn’t be any more in favor than Adam. Dinner with Mrs. King may have bent Adam’s rules in a theoretical sense, but part of me wanted to rebel. The door slammed shut as the kids came inside, and I called from the kitchen, “Hey, guys, how was school?” Sasha threw his backpack on the kitchen table. “Boring.” Anya threw her arms around me and bounced

on the balls of her feet. “It was great, Aunt Dani! We played with playdough and made shapes! That was my favorite part. I love centers.” “Play-Doh is the bomb dot com.” Sasha glanced up as he sat down and pulled a folder from his Ninja Turtles backpack. “Huh?” Anya giggled. “Bomb dot com? What does that mean?” “Sorry, old expression. So, what do you guys think of mac and cheese for supper?” Anya gasped and took my hand. “Yes, yes, please!” “You guys can watch cartoons or play for a bit. I’ll let you know when supper’s ready.” I was feeling generous, but honestly, I wanted some extra time to think. “I’m gonna play dress up!” Anya called back to us as she ran out of the kitchen and for the stairs. Sasha shook his head. “She is way too hyper. Better hide the candy.” I laughed and sized him up, from the concentrated look on his serious face, open folder, and pencil in hand. “What about you, Einstein? Aren’t you gonna play too?” “Homework first.” “Jeez, kid, you are every parent’s wet dream, you know that?”

TWENTY MINUTES LATER , I was feeling confident and told Sasha to fetch his sister upstairs. He didn’t even scowl when he left the room. I may not have been voted aunt of the year, but I was by myself with the kids and hadn’t set the kitchen on fire. That was a win in my book. Everything was ready, and I dragged out bowls and spoons for the occasion. That was when I realized I couldn’t hear the kids’ feet pounding overhead, and it had been five minutes since Sasha had left. It had been about twenty years since I dwelled in the land of children, but I could almost smell mischief in the air. I glanced inside Anya’s room to find an explosion of pink tulle and superhero costumes on the floor. Sasha’s light wasn’t even on, but a quick glance showed his room to be as immaculate as expected. I heard a thump behind me and turned to my old bedroom. The door wasn’t shut all the way, and a light shone through the crack. I pushed open the door and found the kids on the floor. Sasha was growling something at Anya in a low voice. Her Batman cape and mask contrasted with the full ballerina skirt around her waist. I might have found it adorable if I hadn’t seen what they were so fascinated with. “Look at this one, Sasha! It’s so pretty,” Anya said as she held up a hand-painted Tarot card. I could barely breathe, let alone speak, and my

words came out in a rasp. “What are you doing?” The kids jumped and turned at once, identical guilty expressions on their pale faces, cards held tightly in their hands. I didn’t trust myself to say anything at first. Whatever the kids saw in my face must have looked bad because Sasha grew paler and Anya began to cry. “Oh, Aunt Dani, I’m so sorry!” Anya dropped her cards back in the box. I dug my nails into my palms to push out the rest of my anger and then sat on the floor beside them. “It’s wrong to go through people’s things, you know.” I glanced up from the hated box to the tear-streaked face next to me. “I knew I shouldn’t have, Aunt Dani,” Anya sobbed. “I came in here because I was curious. Papa always kept your room locked, and I wanted to see what dress-up clothes you had. I found this box under your bed, and Sasha found me. He was gonna tattle on me, but I made him promise not to. Are you gonna tell Papa, Aunt Dani?” She took a hiccupping breath. I picked up the discarded Tarot cards and stacked them carefully back over the yellowed piece of paper underneath. At least they hadn’t found the letter too. “I won’t tell your papa, but I better not find you snooping around again.”

Anya shook her head so hard, her curls flew into her wet cheeks. “I promise.” “Good. Now, do you wanna know where I got these cards?” Anya leaned forward and wiped her eyes as she nodded. “On my thirteenth birthday, this box came in the mail with no return address and a dozen different postage stamps on it. Did you know I had a different mother than your papa? Well, she left us when I was just a little girl. She didn’t tell us where she was going, just left us a note that she was sorry but it was time for her to return home.” “Where did she go?” Sasha asked. “Romania, probably. That’s where she was from, but I never found out. My mother was from a very old Roma tribe in the Carpathian Mountains.” “She was a gypsy?” Sasha interjected, surprising me. “She was a palm reader, working with a traveling carnival that came through St. Petersburg one summer. Your grandfather met her there, and they fell in love. They named me after the first star they saw together on their first night.” “The morning star…” Sasha nodded and added, “That’s why they named you Zvezda Danica.” I shrugged and attempted to smile, but the truth was I hated my mother, and my full name always made me think of her. “I found a letter from her at

the bottom of the box with the Tarot cards. She said she gave them to me because it was tradition to pass heirlooms down the day I became a woman in her culture.” “They’re so pretty, Aunt Dani.” Anya touched the card lying on top of the deck. “It was the first and last time I heard from my mother since she left us. After I looked at the cards and read her letter, I shoved the box under my bed. It’s not something I wanted to look at again.” Sasha ducked his head. “Our mom left too.” “She lives in Pittsburg,” Anya added, enunciating the city name carefully. Sasha wrinkled his nose. “She doesn’t ever talk to us. She’s too busy with her boyfriend and his kids.” I set the lid firmly over the box and shoved it back under my bed. “People always told me my mother loved me; she just loved herself more. But you know what I think? I think she must have only loved herself, because if you really love someone, you don’t abandon the people who need you.” Anya took Sasha’s hand in hers, and I realized they understood exactly what it felt like. A fierce tenderness filled my chest and made me want to do crazy things, like hold them both in tight hugs until we cried all our tears out. I laughed at myself and stood. “Well, enough about absent moms. You guys want some

macaroni?” The kids were quick to agree.

P ETER HADN ’ T COME home by the time I put the kids to bed. Despite the fact that he was out with Hailey Man-Eater King, I wasn’t worried. The woman was many things, but she did seem to care about Peter, and if my brother had a chance to get laid, I was all for it. Cancer was just one more thing in the long list of crap my brother had had to deal with. As if running a business and being a single parent wasn’t enough, I knew the kid’s mother gave him plenty of headaches. I’d never met the bitch, but I hated her, especially after hearing the kids talk about her. I couldn’t stop thinking about the bloody Tarot cards under my bed and wondered why I hadn’t burned the box ages ago. Aren’t you forgetting something, Pavlova? Peter had offered to throw me a birthday party when I turned thirteen. He’d said it was one more year to celebrate the fact that he didn’t have to get me a car. I’d tried to turn him down because I didn’t have any friends. I was too skinny and awkward in my skin at the time. I still hadn’t developed boobs like the other girls in my class, and my only real friend was Adam King. “So, we’ll invite the guys over. You like the

guys, right?” Peter had suggested. A party with the guys from the garage hadn’t been so bad. They’d called me kid and taught me things about cars and how to throw a good right hook. Adam had shown up for the party first and brought in a mysterious box with him. “Hey, Dani, this was on the doorstep. There’s no return address. Whoa, look at all these stamps!” I grabbed the box from him and stuck out my tongue. “It’s my present, dumbass. I’ll open it.” I laughed as I ran up the stairs, and Adam chased me. I knew for a fact I was faster than he was since I hadn’t hit an awkward growth spurt like he had. He was taller than I was, but his feet were too big, and he tripped over them on the stairs. “Shit! No fair, Dani!” he called after me. I shut and locked the door and tore into the package, ignoring his knocks on the other side. Five minutes later, I was on the floor, curled into a tight ball, and trying to ignore the rush of blood to my head. Adam busted in five minutes later and took one look at the open box and me before he sank to the floor beside me. I don’t remember him picking me up. All I knew is one moment I was falling to pieces, and the next, he was holding me together. I crawled into his lap and wrapped my limbs around him while I sobbed against his shirt. He rubbed soothing circles up my spine the way his mama had

taught him. I knew because she had rubbed my back just like that before. “It’s okay, Morning Star,” he whispered against my ear, and I buried my face in his neck. “Don’t call me that,” I whispered back. “Why not?” Adam threaded his hands through my tangled black curls. “Because it’s the name she gave me.” “No.” I picked my head up and rested my hands on his chest. We hadn’t been this close since we were little, and for the first time, I noticed all the places we were touching. Heat pushed its way up my limbs and into my cheeks. His beautiful eyes were fierce, and his hands too large for his lanky frame. He had one too many freckles, but he was mine. I knew that even then. “Your parents gave you that name. But they don’t own it anymore. It’s mine now, Zvezda Danica.” I laughed at his poor pronunciation, and he grinned in response. “The box is from her, isn’t it?” I bit my lip and glanced behind us at the letter and Tarot cards. “I want to throw it all away, Adam. I-I hate her.” He wrapped his arms around me, drawing me close, and rested his forehead against mine. “Don’t throw the box away, not yet. Let’s put it under the bed. After a while, you’ll forget it’s there.”

I took in a breath with him and dared to meet his gaze. The way he looked at me was changing, I had known for some time. I wasn’t ready, but something about the box and the way he held me, as though he didn’t care how much I ugly-cried, made me lean in and press my lips against his for the first time. He gasped, but then his hands dug into my shirt, and he pressed back against my mouth. Our first kiss was awkward, wet, and fumbling. We were so embarrassed, I think, and we tried to pretend it hadn’t happened. But he had held my hand more often after that, and I’d shoved the box under my bed.

9

MISGUIDED GHOSTS

F

riday morning, I woke with my alarm and shipped the kids off to school. Sasha turned to wave bye to me, and I felt so warm and fuzzy inside, I almost went for a run to sweat off the sweets. I hated running. Peter was awake when I came back inside and agreed to my offer to drive him to work. I put on clothes that wouldn’t shock the local garden club chapter and threw my laptop in my bag for the road. “So how did it go last night?” I turned to my brother with a saccharine grin. Peter smiled mysteriously. “You don’t really wanna know the answer to that, baby girl.” “Ew! Gross, you’re right, I don’t want to know.” “What about you? Were the kids manageable?”

I hesitated only a second as I thought of the box of Tarot cards. Not even Peter knew about them. “They were good. We ate macaroni and watched a few more episodes of Batman.” Peter chuckled. “Good. I underestimated your nanny talents. I was actually thinking of having a movie night with the kids, kick it old school with something like Jumanji.” Mrs. King’s invitation came back to me. When Mama King asked you to do something, there wasn’t much of a choice involved. I felt selfconscious bringing it up with Peter, though. Somehow, Adam King had brought my car back to the shop, so he had to have spoken to my brother. For the first time, I wished I hadn’t imposed my “no King” rule over our conversations. “Um, that sounds great, but I sort of made plans tonight that I need to run by you,” I mumbled. Peter sat up straighter in his seat. “Yeah? Who with? Another party at the Brewers?” I shook my head. “No, uh… I sort of ran into Mrs. King at the coffee shop the other day, and she invited me over for dinner tonight to catch up.” I took a breath once the words were out. Peter was silent, and I tried to keep my constant side-glances casual. “Sure, that sounds like fun. Now she can talk to you herself instead of hounding me with questions at the garage.” He favored me with a wry grin.

“Not to inflate your ego any more than it already is, but people were pretty offended you never came back for visits.” “The people need their gossip,” I agreed with a laugh. We pulled into the usual spot at the back of the garage, and I fished out my phone to text Mrs. King. “Well, guess I’ll see you at home. I should be there not too long after the kids.” Peter started to get out of the car. “Hang on, I’m coming in.” I hit Send on my phone and grabbed my bag from its spot in the back seat. Peter froze. “Really? Are you sure you want to hang here today? It’s liable to be busy since it’s a Friday.” I shrugged the strap of my sack on. Peter followed me as I left the car and pressed the automatic lock button on my key chain. “No biggie. I need to catch up on some stuff and thought I’d hang with you for a while. Aren’t I allowed to miss my big brother?” “Okay…” he said from behind me. “Hey,” Leach greeted us as we came in, though the surprise was evident on his face. I set up shop at the other, smaller desk in the office. “Ready for your date with Amber?” I teased Leach and grinned when his face turned slightly red.

“Hey, I only agreed so Mrs. McSpadden would get off my back. The woman’s evil plan finally worked.” “Leach, don’t you know by now? We win every time.” I smiled sweetly at him when he flipped me the bird. Peter checked the schedule. “Taylor and Austin here on time today?” Leach scowled. “Yeah. Austin’s baby mama came by earlier with her claws out. I told him to keep his family drama at home.” Peter grinned. “What was she pissed about this time?” Leach waved the question away. “Same old shit.” I grinned as I half-heartedly listened to their man-gossip. Everyone always assumed women were the worst gossips, but I was raised by men and knew better. I typed a quick email to the professor at Fayetteville’s college and hoped they would respond soon. Hanging with the kids and Peter was fun, but I was ready to get back to work. It had been too long since I finished my last assignment, and I had forgotten how to relax in the last ten years. For the next hour, I caught up with some other contacts back on the European continent. I was looking forward to seeing what this university had on hand. Sometimes, old-world stuff ended up in

the new, and half the fun was tracking the old manuscripts down. The guys were in and out, answering phones and dealing with clients, while the newbs in the garage took care of the grunt work. Peter joined them for a while but came in to rest a second. “So, what are you tracking down this time, baby girl?” “First edition Hauff publication,” I replied and grinned at his befuddled expression. “The guy collected fairy tales from the Black Forest in Germany.” “Thought that was the Brothers Grimm?” “Nope, they collected from a different part of Germany.” “Cool.” Peter nodded and drummed his fingers on his paper-littered desk. “So, I was just thinking we could probably use some groceries, if you’re up for a run. You may wanna go now, so you will be there when the kids get home. Sometimes they get there a little sooner on Fridays.” I looked up from my screen. “It’s nine in the morning, Petey. I’m sure the groceries can wait. Unless there’s some other reason you want me out of here.” I scrutinized the circles under his eyes and the way his skin looked extra pale. A sick foreboding welled in my gut. “Petey… you’re okay, aren’t you? ’Cause you know I came here not just to look after the kids.”

“I know, baby girl. I swear I don’t feel any better or worse than I did yesterday.” “Promise? I’ll beat the shit out of you if you’re lying.” He smiled. “Cross my heart and hope to die.” I watched him a few more tense seconds before I decided to let it go. One moment of irrational fear was enough for me to keep a better eye out. I had to remember Petey was a man above all things, and all men carried pride like a badge. “I’ll leave here in a couple of hours, around lunchtime. That sound okay to you? I still need to get ahold of the head of the department at the university in Fayetteville.” A strange look passed over my brother’s face as he stood. “Sure, that sounds fine. Just grab me before you go, so I can give you my card.” “Hell no! I can buy my own groceries, Daddy Morebucks.” Leach stuck his head in from the garage then and looked at Peter. “She gone?” I was starting to feel a little more than peeved. “Okay, that’s it. What’s going on?” Leach stared past me to the back door. “Sorry, boss,” he mumbled. Peter sighed when I turned to follow the sound of the back door opening. Of all the things I wanted to but didn’t say, the last thing I meant to do was mumble in Russian. Once more, I was back at

elementary school, fresh from across the water, with limited English on my tongue. I glanced over my shoulder at Peter. “Hey, man, hope I’m not too early,” Adam King said. I forced my body to turn back to face him. I wouldn’t freeze up or run away this time, I decided. In fact, I was royally pissed and decided to run with that. Anger was a safer emotion. “Yeah, no problem,” Peter said from behind me. “We can use the extra hands today.” I tensed when Adam’s bold gaze settled over me briefly before moving on to my brother and Leach. He hesitated only a second before he walked past me to sign in. “What the hell are you doing here?” I blurted out. Adam turned and held up his hands. “Not like it’s any of your business, but I work here.” That was when I noticed the grease-monkey jumpsuit he had on with the logo for Pete’s. A brief memory from the other night flashed before my eyes—the grease stains on Adam’s large, calloused hands. I stood gaping at him like a fish, while he ignored me. Leach was telling Adam about Austin’s baby mama drama earlier this morning. The whole while, he acted as if I wasn’t standing there with them. And he’d had the nerve to tell me to stay out of his

life. “You work here?” I blurted out again. Three heads turned to stare my way. I shook my head and pointed to Adam. His mouth turned down at the corners. It was a struggle to speak English suddenly. “I can’t believe you, after everything you said the other night. You work in my brother’s garage.” I turned on Peter. “And you!” I sputtered, unable to form coherent sentences anymore. Leach threw his hands up. “Well, I’m out.” He fled back into the garage with the newbs. Adam clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes at me. “Don’t drag your brother into this. He’s done nothing but help me since I got back. Is it so hard for you to believe there’s at least one decent person in your family?” His chest expanded as he inhaled and exhaled. “Don’t you dare try to tell me about my brother!” I wanted to sock him in the face, to grab his head and kiss that hard mouth soft. I was standing closer to him than I had been five seconds ago. Had he moved, or had I? Adam’s nose flared, and the light in his eyes danced with whatever insult he was itching to throw my way. I craved his words and the mutual urge we seemed to feel to rip and tear at each other. So it was probably best when Peter placed a hand on Adam’s shoulder. It was the first time I realized

how much smaller my brother looked. Or maybe it was Adam who had filled out and grown taller. “Head on into the garage. Leach can catch you up on today’s jobs.” Adam nodded. “Sure. Thanks, Peter.” His expression was as hard as stone, and I wanted to crack it with my fist, penetrate it with something, with anything. It wasn’t fair that he could keep his emotions in control while I was losing it. Peter stepped into my line of sight before I could speak my mind again. Unlike Adam, my brother’s face was an open book I knew too well. He waited until Adam left through the side door that went into the garage then said, “Sorry, baby girl.” “How could you lie to me? How long has Adam King been working for you? Maybe you could have mentioned it instead of treating me like a frigging pariah.” Peter shrugged. “I just figured it was under your ‘don’t talk about Adam King’ rule.” I wanted to growl and shout at him, but he was right, and he knew it. I sighed. “Yeah, I guess it did. We didn’t exactly redefine the rule when I came home. But it’s obvious I can’t avoid the Kings now that I’m back. I think it’s safe to say that rule no longer applies.” Peter nodded and smiled, the wrinkles in his brow smooth again. “Good.”

I wrung my hands and wished I had a fraction of my brother’s coolness. “I just hate being blindsided like that. And you could have at least warned me he was working here. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so eager to hang around all day, you know?” I thought of Adam King not twenty feet away from me and suddenly felt helpless. Even though it wasn’t fair to Petey, I was still a little pissed. “I’m heading home. You’re right—I should have left already.” I grabbed my things and shoved them into my bag. Peter did the smart thing by letting me huff and puff. He knew I could never stay mad at him. I needed some space and maybe a long nap.

I’ D LIED about the jetlag nap. I had traveled so much for so long, I was used to feeling endless exhaustion. Over the years, my coping choices came down to caffeine, nicotine, or pills. My healthier drug of choice was coffee. I made a fresh pot when I got home and tuned the stereo system to something loud and angry. After that, I cleaned. A cooking connoisseur I was not, but there was something satisfying about cleaning. Every speck of dust I wiped away was another problem solved, a small thing I could control. I took the anger I felt toward my brother and Adam King

out on the kitchen tile. I didn’t notice the kids were home until a pair of dirty sneakers stepped into my peripheral vision. I shoved back the hair that had escaped my bandana band. Sasha had his arms crossed over his chest with a typical scowl, while Anya held her hands over her ears. “Aunt Dani! It’s too loud!” I jumped up and ran over to the living room to turn the stereo off. As I unplugged my phone, I saw a new message from Mrs. King. Supper was cooking already, she said, and she’d invited me to come as soon as I was ready. I shoved my phone in my pocket and rounded on my niece and nephew. “Hey, sorry about the noise. How was school?” Sasha sniffed the air and wrinkled his nose. “What’s that smell?” I sniffed. “Um… Mr. Clean?” Sasha threw his backpack on the kitchen table, and I tried not to cringe at the tracks his shoes made. “It smells funny,” Anya shouted. I laughed as I came over and pulled her hands away from her ears. “It smells clean, actually.” Sasha inspected the bucket of dirty water on the kitchen floor. “You cleaned? Why?” “You know, most people like a clean house. I didn’t think this would freak you out. Don’t you guys use a cleaning lady?”

Sasha shook his head as he continued to inspect the house. “She doesn’t clean like this.” Anya smiled, the baby tooth gaps in her teeth prominent. “You should be our cleaning lady, Aunt Dani!” “Why not. I’ll charge your papa triple.” Peter came home soon after with the same sheepish look on his face I’d left him with. The kids swarmed him, and I used the opportunity to escape upstairs. I didn’t want to admit I was angry with my brother because I wasn’t quite ready to forgive him. Because I had to wonder, if Adam had been working for him all this time, what else did Peter know? And more unsettling, what did Adam know? Mrs. King had given me the perfect reason to leave.

10

EVERYTHING

T

he Kings’ farm had been in the family for four generations. Each time it changed hands, the farm changed. What was once several hundred acres of tobacco fields had gone to cotton and then cattle. By the time Mr. King inherited the place, he had sold all but two hundred acres, and his cattle weren’t making the money he’d hoped they would. He left before he could teach Adam the family business firsthand. When we were little, my best friend had dreamed of bringing the farm back to life and buying back the pieces his father had sold. All Adam had ever wanted was to live an honest life, to be a family man. There was something unsettling about a kid who knew exactly what he wanted. Today, the old King place looked much the same as it had the last time I was there—the night

Adam had almost lost his life. A long driveway led up to the two-story whitewashed farmhouse. The farther I pulled in to join the line of unfamiliar cars, the more I recognized the differences. Mrs. King’s garden looked freshly landscaped. A new coat of paint made the house appear bright even in the fading sunlight. I tried not to be too obvious about checking out the new cars next to mine. Pushing aside a fresh wave of nerves, I pulled out the bottle of white wine I’d bought for Mrs. King. It was a poor peace offering, but it had to count for something, right? Déjà vu set in the moment I stepped foot on the stone step path and walked up the front porch steps. I glanced up at the window to Adam’s old bedroom and wondered if he still lived there. He said something earlier about coming “back” but from where? I realized for the first time, it may have been stupid for me to scratch out all mention of the Kings from my talks with Peter through the years. The door opened at my first knock, and I imagined my feet had roots to keep from stepping away from Hailey King’s hostile glare. “What are you doing here?” I held up the bottle of wine and shrugged. “I was invited.” Mrs. King rushed up behind Hailey and beamed at me. “Danica! So glad you could make it, honey.

Come on in. Supper is almost ready. Hailey, don’t stand in the doorway like that. Let the poor girl in.” It was with some small satisfaction that I saw confusion mar Hailey King’s brow, and I didn’t hesitate to brush past her. How does it feel to have your home invaded? I handed over the bottle of white wine in the kitchen. Mrs. King acted like I’d just given her the Pope’s best vintage, the way she carried on. “You are too sweet! This is exactly what we needed for supper. How did you know this was my favorite?” “Lucky guess?” I offered and watched Mrs. King pull steaming lasagna from the oven. “That smells like heaven,” I said with a sigh and shook my head. “Why can’t I ever cook like that?” Hailey waltzed past me and, under her breath, murmured, “Talent, bitch.” My grin felt tight on my face as I ignored her. Mrs. King waved away the compliment. “It just takes practice; that’s what my mother used to say. Though I still can’t get her fried chicken right. You won’t believe the hours I’ve spent agonizing over that.” “So, you’re in charge at the hospital now, right?” Hailey poured herself a helping of white wine and watched us over the rim of the glass with narrowed eyes. Around Peter, she was lovey-dovey

eyes and simpering smiles. I felt more comfortable seeing her in her natural habitat. Mrs. King unraveled tinfoil from a loaf of garlic bread. “I suppose I’ve earned it after twenty-five years in that place. Though most days, being in charge feels more like a chore than anything else. But enough about me. I want to hear all about your adventures! Peter said you travel for your work with the university?” This was the part I hated—the life I didn’t care to think about while playing nanny and chauffeur. “Yeah… I mostly deal with other colleges and universities. I negotiate certain items in their possession and make trades. Sometimes they let me take relics back to Petersburg on loan; sometimes they don’t.” “How exciting! What I wouldn’t give to travel Europe like that.” Mrs. King set the plates on the table, and for a moment, the dreamy quality her eyes had adopted reminded me so much of her son. I forced a laugh. “Yeah, just call me Indiana Jones.” Mrs. King’s gaze fell on me, and her lips turned up in a soft smile, the one she reserved for her children. My eyes stung with sudden pressure. “I think it’s a wonderful thing, you giving all that up to come home. We’ve missed you.” Funny that ten years ago, I left Fayetteville thinking of St. Petersburg as home.

Hailey dropped a handful of forks on top of the plates. Mrs. King pulled glasses down from the cabinet. “Danica, would you like a glass of wine with supper or something else? I’ve got sweet tea and lemonade in the fridge.” “Wine sounds great,” I replied. Mrs. King was right—the wine tasted perfect with the lasagna. My host filled me in on the Fayetteville gossip over the next few minutes. Not only was she vice president of the local garden club and a Daughter of the Confederacy, Mrs. King was a genuinely wonderful person. Everyone on her good side said so. Everyone on the other side stayed clear, lest they face her wrath. Her gossip was the right blend of humor and kindness. As long as I had known her, she hated painting people in a bad light. “And did you hear about the McSpadden girl, Amber? She’s flying in tomorrow, matter of fact. Mrs. McSpadden is reaching beyond herself, if you ask me. Trying to set her daughter up with Leach? Can you imagine those two together?” Hailey paused between bites of lasagna. “Mama, if Leach agreed to go on a date with Amber McSpadden, it was probably just to shut her mother up.” Mrs. King poured herself the last of the white wine and winked at me. “All I know is I hate seeing

that poor boy miserable and lonely all the time. He won’t look at most of the girls in town. Hailey, didn’t the two of you date at one time?” I leaned forward, eager for this slice of news, and enjoyed Hailey’s humiliation. “Mama, leave it alone! That was five years ago.” “Not that anyone could call what you two did dating.” Hailey set her fork down and was on the verge of digging her hole deeper, when the back door burst open. I was too busy hiding my laughter behind my wineglass to turn around and look. Mrs. King stood, wineglass still in hand. “Oh, Adam, honey, so glad you could make it! I didn’t know if you would get off in time.” “I just finished up on the Thunderbird, actually. She’s a sweet piece.” “Sorry we went ahead and ate, but I saved the last third for you. Knew you couldn’t resist my lasagna.” Adam laughed. “When have I ever turned down a home-cooked meal?” I looked up and met Hailey King’s smug-ass grin then whipped around in my seat. Mrs. King had come to stand in front of my chair, I realized, and she motioned toward me as she stepped aside. “Hope you don’t mind, but I thought a little mixed company tonight might liven

things up.” Adam King was dressed in normal clothes that showed off his well-defined chest. Damn… My mouth went dry as I let my gaze travel up to find his beautiful eyes already fixed with that special brand of fury reserved for me. My earlier resolve faltered, but only for a moment. I was Mrs. King’s guest, not his. I did a stupid thing when I smiled. Adam’s answering smile was almost cruel as he grabbed Mrs. King by the arm. “Mama, can I talk to you for just a second?” “Sure thing, honey!” I decided now was the time to make a quick getaway. I made a beeline for the front porch and tried to pretend I couldn’t hear Adam and Mrs. King shouting inside behind me. Maybe coming there wasn’t the best plan after all. I heard the screen door open and shut behind me, and I stared confused at the full glass of red wine offered to me. Hailey King held another full glass in her hand. “Here, this will help.” “Did you slip arsenic in here?” Hailey laughed and eyed the wine. “Guess you’ll find out.” She leaned against the banister with me. With only the screen door as a barrier between us and the storm inside, I could hear almost every

word. “Did you even think before inviting her over here?” “Don’t take that tone with me, Wyatt Adam King!” I cringed at the threat looming behind Mrs. King’s voice and was grateful Hailey interrupted. “Sorry you have to listen to this. Adam isn’t the best at dealing with emotional situations, not like many guys are.” “I shouldn’t have come over tonight. I don’t know what I was thinking.” “I’ll give you this—my mother can be damned persuasive when she wants to be. She always sees the best in people too, you know.” Hailey leaned in a bit closer, until I could smell the alcohol and the hospital on her. “She never believed the gossip about you, used to defend you to anyone who would listen.” Somehow that knowledge didn’t make me feel any better than what I was about to admit to. “I wasn’t the slut everyone thought I was in high school, but I changed after I left.” Hailey nodded. “I figured as much.” “You’re being awfully nice to me,” I remarked. “Am I? Hmm… must be the wine.” “Girls, you can come back inside now,” Mrs. King said from inside the screen door. We followed her inside, me with more than a little trepidation. I didn’t breathe easy until I found the kitchen empty.

Thank God for small miracles, I thought with a smirk that faded when I saw the strain in Mrs. King’s face. “You sure this is okay? Maybe I should just head home.” Her brow furrowed, revealing old and new wrinkles. “You’re my guest, Danica, and I invited you here for supper. Now we are going to sit and damn well enjoy what’s left of this evening.” “Yes, ma’am,” Hailey and I both echoed as we took our seats. The reflex was instinctive, embedded in me after years of firm discipline. Mrs. King never spared the rod with me, even though I wasn’t her natural daughter. And it was that, along with the effort she made to make us laugh for the next thirty minutes that reminded me why I’d come there. I hugged her goodbye after a firm promise to come to dinner next week, same time, and escaped to the front porch once more. The wine and good food had filled me with just the right blend of happiness, so I almost forgot about Adam… until I ran into him on the front steps. “I’m so sorry!” I shot my hands out to prevent tripping onto the front lawn and, for one blessed moment, felt the curve of a hardened shoulder and brush of hair. Then his hand was reaching up and guiding my waist so I was forced to sit beside him. It was too close for comfort. He was still angry. I could see it in the way his jaw clenched and hear it

in the sound of his voice. “Didn’t you hear a word I said the other night?” I shook my head and tried to shake off the tingling butterflies dancing in my stomach. Damned butterflies. “You never said anything about your mother, just the Brewers.” He sighed. “You knew what I meant, Danica.” “Look, it’s not like I planned on running into your mother yesterday. She invited me to dinner; I said yes. I had no idea this was supposed to be some big family night. Besides, you know I could never deny your mom anything.” He paused and sounded almost reluctant when he answered with, “Yeah, I know…” The crickets filled the silence between us. I felt my blood pressure building. I was ready for a fight. “Is that it?” “What?” His tone was bleak, tired. “You aren’t gonna yell at me some more? Threaten me again with a lawsuit or more bullshit?” I know I was crazy for wanting him to, but I preferred the anger, the fire in his eyes as opposed to this, whatever it was. “Last time I yelled at you, you didn’t listen. Why should I waste my breath?” I opened my mouth then held my breath and paused. He had a point, and I smiled because I felt as though I had finally gained a little ground. It made me feel generous enough to make small talk

when I should have stood up and walked away right then and there. “So, you work at the garage with Peter now?” “He sort of took me in after I got back from the army.” “Army? What the hell, Adam?” That had been the last thing on his list of priorities when we planned our futures together. And maybe that was just it. Back then, at least in his mind, there had been a “we.” He glanced at me but kept his face forward. “I spent seven years on active duty in the infantry. Two tours in Iraq, one in Germany, and the last in Afghanistan.” “Shit…” I breathed and mumbled to myself in Russian. I stared openly at him this time, at his legs that seemed so strong but had been so fragile and broken before. The only time I’d asked Peter about Adam King, and I did mean only time, was to ask if he could walk again. Apparently, he had done more than walk. Like an old wound breaking open, my heart began to ache. “Why didn’t you go to art school or something? You were so good, Adam.” He flinched, and I had to wonder if it was because I’d spoken his name. His voice was rougher, deep. “To create something takes a lot of heart. I guess I didn’t have anything left. It’s a little late for me to go into something like that now,

unless you want me to ink skin like Jameson.” “Oh God, no.” I laughed at the mental image that snuck up. Adam turned slightly to me with a strained grin, and I realized this was the first conversation we’d had that I had enjoyed. Maybe it was that awkward grin, unnatural in his stern face, that made me want to tell him more. “I came back for Peter and the kids, but I also came back for me. I haven’t been a sister or aunt to them, and I screwed up so much of my life, I want to get this one thing right.” He bowed his head slightly and nodded, as though he understood. “Guess you heard about my sister and your brother.” “Yeah, your sister brought us breakfast the other day. I didn’t react so well.” “Hailey’s not so bad once you get to know her. I always thought you guys’ problem was that you were too much alike.” “Thanks so much for the compliment. I was wondering when you’d start throwing insults at me again.” “I just meant you’re both stubborn, strongwilled women.” “Right… nice try, but I’m still not seeing the compliment here.” I stood and tripped on the bottom step. Adam’s hands clasped hold of my waist on either side, sending a rush of warmth

between my legs. I stumbled again, and his grasp tightened. His hands could have encompassed my waist, I was certain. The traitor inside me wanted to find out. “Thanks,” I said and tried to step out of his hold. “I’m taking you home,” he said against my ear. I flushed, this time from the ends of my hair down to my toes. It had to be the wine. “No thanks, it’s only a mile. Doubt I’ll get lost.” “No, you’ll just drive into a ditch. C’mon, this is me trying to be nice.” “Now he’s nice to me,” I murmured. “Aren’t they gonna miss you inside?” “I need to head home, anyway.” “Home’s not here?” He hesitated only a second before answering. “I live in the apartment above the garage.” I recalled the other morning when I was dropping Peter off and could have sworn someone was watching me. Adam had my keys in his hand again and opened my passenger door before depositing me inside. “What are you doing? How are you supposed to get home?” My brain, it would seem, had ceased forming logic. “I’m driving. I can get your car to you tomorrow.” Tomorrow implied there was going to be more, that there would be a tomorrow somehow for us.

And I had to wonder why. One day, he was yelling at me to stay out of his life, and the next, he was smiling, sort of, and driving me home as though it was no big deal. I knew for certain I was tipsy when Adam started my engine—the car engine, of course. I didn’t realize I was humming, off key, until I caught the look Adam flashed at me. “What?” I froze and listened for the song on the radio, only to realize neither of us had turned on the radio. What was I humming? And where the hell did my self-control go? He shook his head and kept his eyes on the road. Good thing he was driving. “So, I guess this means we have a truce, huh?” I didn’t know I’d asked that in Russian until he pointed out the fact, so I repeated my question in English. “Truce?” “Yeah, you know, like between warring nations. Russia verses the US. I’m Gorbachev, and you’re Bush.” I laughed, and his grip on the wheel tightened. “What terms?” “Huh?” “In a truce, there are always terms. How do I know you won’t nuke me the minute I turn my back?” I tried to think about this reasonably but only

laughed at the mental image of me with a bald ugly head and Adam in a three-piece suit. Again, I considered the terms of the truce. “Maybe we should try honesty for starters. Let the press see us shaking hands and that kind of thing.” “I guess going out for coffee would be overkill.” “That is the last thing we should do! Coffee is boring, for hipsters and intellectual snobs and just friends.” “And we aren’t friends?” “No… we are so beyond remotely just friends.” Adam didn’t reply, and he didn’t laugh about our united nations. Maybe it was the alcohol, but for a moment, it almost felt like the old days, before I’d fucked up, when Adam King still loved me. Adam pulled up to the front yard and let the car idle. He looked over at me and seemed to struggle with himself before he cut the engine and stepped out of the car. My limbs felt nice and loose. I planned on opening my passenger door but couldn’t reach the handle before he could. Next thing I knew, he unbuckled my seat belt and half pulled, half carried me out of the car and up the steps to the front door. My feet touched the ground again, and I smiled lazily up at him. The night left his face in shadows, but his eyes seemed bright against the moon and starlight. “Hey,” I said as I placed my hands on his chest.

“Your muscles are so frigging hard…” “What?” He seemed startled, and I realized I’d said the last part out loud. “Shit, I’m sorry… I’m really nervous. I mean, you make me so nervous all the time!” I held on to his shoulders and leaned in slightly. He smelled like grease and mint and something wonderful— something rooted beneath his skin. I sighed and smiled again. “I think you should come inside.” Adam laughed. “Thanks, but I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” He put his hands on my hips to push me away, which was the wrong move. His thumb brushed the skin between my jeans and my shirt, and I sucked in a sharp breath and hovered closer to him. “Actually, I think that’s a brilliant idea. I can show you my room. Did you know Peter left it exactly the same? I’m going to change it.” I stepped into his space until my breasts were pressed to his chest and our thighs brushed together. I wanted more. “You were right earlier,” I said between shallow breaths. He swallowed, and his eyes widened while his fingers flexed slightly against my lower back. “About what?” “About me being strong. I am strong, you know, a powerful woman and shit. But not around you. Around you, I feel… soft.” I needed to taste him again, just to see if he was different than I

remembered, to see if he had changed. Adam opened his mouth and grimaced. “Dani…” I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on tiptoe to reach his mouth. I tasted his lips slowly, sucking first on the bottom then the top. I wanted to feel his tongue wrap around mine, so I tasted the seam between his lips, and he gasped, his fingers pressing hard into my waist as I touched my tongue to his. He tasted wonderful, and it was better than coming home. It was home, and I wanted to stay there forever. His body was rigid, taught, and hard against mine as he kept still against me. But his tongue traced mine, and his lips sucked me back into his mouth when I tried to pull away. And when I opened my eyes, I saw the wonder reflected in his… and the anger. I pulled away to breathe and said another stupid thing. “I’ve wanted to do that since we fought at the Brewers.” Adam took a step back, and his hands shook as he reached behind me while keeping one hand against my waist. I didn’t notice him open the front door until he pushed me gently inside. A cocktail of pain and hate filled his eyes as he said, “Good night, Danica.”

11

RUNNING UP THAT HILL

I

woke up with visions of a shirtless Adam King dancing around my head. Though since I hadn’t seen him shirtless since high school, the fantasy in my head was the standard male chest on the cover of every romance novel. Memories were fuzzy at best, the result of too much alcohol. Oddly enough, Adam featured most prominently in quick, brooding snippets, interspersed with a friendly Hailey King. It was difficult to say what I’d made up after the fact and what had happened at dinner last night. And it was even more embarrassing that I was hungover from red wine. I sat up and held my head in place so it wouldn’t fall off. “I must be crazy.” I slid out from the tangle of bedcovers and glanced at my terrifying reflection before leaving my room. I was surprised the kids hadn’t woken me until I heard

the melody of cartoons downstairs. Clearly, they had helped themselves to a little Saturday morning awesomeness. I was heading downstairs for a cup of coffee when I heard retching sounds coming from my brother’s bedroom. Ignoring the pounding in my head, I opened his door and rushed inside. “Peter?” I saw the bathroom light was on, and lying on the tile floor, just in front of the toilet, was my brother. I cursed and shut the door behind me. The kids didn’t need to see this. I stumbled as I knelt at his side, ignoring the trail of vomit on the floor leading to the bathroom. The toilet bowl was streaked red with blood. Peter’s skin looked wan, and his hair stuck slick to his head. “Shit.” I pressed my hand to his scalding forehead. Peter looked up at me as I grabbed a towel and tried to clean off his face. “Sorry you had to see this, baby girl,” he choked. My vision blurred, and I held him as he heaved over the porcelain again. I shook my head and stared at the mess around us. “Shit, this is bad.” Peter moaned and collapsed in on himself. I tried to pull as much of his weight on me as I could. It was too easy, and reality knocked the breath from my lungs while my brother clung to me and cried silently.

“It’s okay,” I heard myself whispering. “Everything’s gonna be okay.” I shushed and whispered reassurances in Russian, and when that wasn’t enough, I hummed songs our father used to sing to us when we were kids. I knew Peter was sick, but I hadn’t understood, not really. Peter had always been the strong one, so when he’d told me his cancer wasn’t as bad as Papa’s had been, I believed him. I was sick from more than the stench of bile and blood then. I was sick of my own selfishness. Even after coming home for him and the kids, I had spent most of my time caught up in King drama. I’d even let myself feel bitter and angry with Peter for keeping things from me about Adam. You’re a supreme bitch, Danica Pavlova. Peter’s voice was even weaker when he whispered to me, “Don’t let the kids see. They don’t know yet.” “Okay,” I promised. An image of Hailey King offering me a sympathetic glass of wine rose to the front of my mind. “I need to clean up your bed and get you back into it.” I glanced down at his ruined shirt and pajama bottoms. “And get you a clean set of pj’s. Do you want to stay here or try to go back to your bed?” He pulled away and rested against the toilet seat. “Better stay put.” I nodded and went to work. Most of the mess

was in his sheets, it turned out, and on the bedroom floor. At least the floor was hardwood and not carpet anymore. I used every spare towel I could find to mop up the biggest mess. Then I picked up my brother’s cell phone and found the number I needed. She picked up after one ring. Her voice was breathless and, if I didn’t know any better, giddy. “Hey, baby, wasn’t expecting your call so late this morning.” “I wasn’t planning on calling, either.” “Danica?” Confusion quickly bled into concern. “What’s wrong? Where’s Peter?” “Wanna prove to me how much you love my brother?”

HAILEY CAME straight from her shift at the hospital. I don’t know what excuse she gave her supervisor, but the fact that Mrs. King was the head nurse probably had something to do with it. All I knew was that for the first time in my life, I was relieved to see Hailey King walk through our front door. Since hanging up with her, I had managed to gather the soiled bedsheets in a ball with the towels I’d used to clean up the mess on the floor. I pulled fresh sheets out of the linen closet by the laundry room and barely avoided Sasha as he passed me, walking into the kitchen.

Thank God, Hailey waltzed in the front door at that same time. I slipped back through the bedroom door and got to work covering the bed again. Hailey came in seconds after and shut the door with a light thud. “Where is he?” she asked. I glanced up from a bed corner. “Bathroom. Almost done cleaning up.” As she entered the bathroom, I began pulling pillows into their cases. “Peter, baby? Can you sit up? Look at me, baby… That’s it.” “Hailey?” “Don’t try to get up too quickly. Hold on to me.” Hailey held Peter up as they walked the short distance from the bathroom to the bed. She eased him under the covers and rubbed her hand over his forehead in a tender gesture. His eyes fluttered closed. I felt as though I was intruding and gathered up the giant ball of sheets for want of something to do, somewhere to be. I pulled the bedroom door shut behind me with my foot and found Sasha standing in front of me with his arms crossed over his chest. “What’s going on?” he asked. I blinked. Why the hell was this kid so smart? For some reason, in my mind, I still saw them as babies. “Where’s your sister?” I asked as I edged past him to the laundry room.

Sasha followed me. “She’s watching Batman. What’s going on? Why is she here?” I shoved the sheets and cover in the washer and prayed the smell wasn’t as strong as my nose thought. “Damned if I know, kid.” I paused and checked my filter. Pasting a pleasant aunt smile on my face, I dumped as much soap and fabric softener as I could before starting the washer. “Those are Papa’s sheets. Why hasn’t he come out for breakfast yet? Something stinks.” I turned to face him. “Look, kid, your dad wanted to see Hailey. It’s not really our business.” His nostrils flared, just like Peter’s during the rare times he let his anger get the best of him. “What’s all over your shirt? Did you throw up?” I pulled the hem of my shirt from my waist and stared at the stains. I sighed. “Sasha, look, I really don’t think—” “Forget it! You’re lying! You aren’t gonna tell me anything.” “Sasha, wait!” I took a step forward, but he turned and ran the other way and up the stairs. I flinched when he slammed his bedroom door shut, then I leaned against the washing machine. “Shit.” “Aunt Dani?” Anya peeked from around the corner, eyes wide. “Is Sasha okay?” I didn’t bother pasting on my happy aunt smile this time. “Don’t worry about it, baby girl. He’s upset with me about something, but he’s going to be

okay.” I held my breath and waited for the same accusation that had been in Sasha’s eyes to fill Anya’s. She swung from the doorway and then, to my relief, nodded. “Okay. You know, it would be okay if you wanted to make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” My smile was genuine. “Sure, kiddo, whatever you want. Just give me a minute to change, okay?” Anya smiled back. “Kay!” She scampered back into the living room.

SASHA’ S ROOM was silent when I passed it on the way to mine, but I didn’t bother knocking. I’d always hated it when Peter came to check on me after one of our fights growing up when he’d gotten to play both Mama and Papa with me. I wasn’t Sasha’s mama, and I didn’t feel like a very good aunt, either. I stripped clean of all my clothes once I got in my room and kicked them into a corner for later. I still smelled like my brother’s sickness and held my arms over my chest when the sobs began. I covered my mouth with my hand and caught my teary-eyed reflection in the mirror. I clenched my fingers into a fist and scowled at the weak woman in the mirror. “Pull it together, Pavlova,” I whispered and lowered my arms. “You’re a grown-ass woman

now, not a teenager, and they need you. Stop crying, put on some clothes, and go back downstairs.” I dug my nails into my palms and went to pull a shirt and pants from my bag. Everything in my suitcase was dirty. Hopefully, my housekeeper back in Petersburg had sent the rest of my wardrobe already. I cursed and threw a cursory glance up at my old dresser drawers from high school. I put on the first pair of clothes I could find without bothering to match and promised myself to do the rest of my laundry later. And even though I hadn’t been to mass or prayed in months, possibly years, I crossed myself and looked up at the ceiling. Please, God, help me get through this.

I CAME BACK into Peter’s room to find Hailey sitting on the edge of Peter’s bed with her back to me. Peter was asleep, and his bedside table was littered with medical supplies. As I came closer, I saw several prescription bottles, a thermometer, and a wet washcloth. The room smelled fresh, as though Hailey had sprayed Febreze since I’d left earlier. She turned to me, and I paused at the worry twisting her face and making her look ten years older. “Hey.” I spoke softly and checked Peter, but he

didn’t stir. Hailey stood and rubbed her arms as she walked to the sink counter. “He still has a fever, but he’s stable for now. I thought we were going to have to take him to the ER at first.” She paused and looked everywhere but at me. “Thanks for calling me, Danica.” “Right, so you wanna tell me what the hell is going on?” She looked startled and frowned. “What do you mean?” It was a struggle to keep my voice low. “I mean why was my brother puking his guts out this morning? Why is he running a fever, and why do you look like none of this surprises you? Peter said his case wasn’t that serious.” “It wasn’t. That is, we weren’t sure at first. His last doctor’s visit, some of his test results didn’t look so good.” “What are you saying?” “You know from when your father had leukemia that there are different types of the blood cancer. Your father had the most aggressive, and at first, it looked like Peter’s was one of the more manageable. Now we know it’s more complicated than that. He will need chemo more than likely…” I couldn’t breathe. I pressed my hand to my lower chest and willed the air back into my lungs. “I called his doctor while you were out,” Hailey

continued. “He wants him to come in tomorrow as early as possible. I can stay the night here and look after him if you want to watch the kids.” “I don’t know,” I started to protest. I didn’t want to say it out loud, that I wanted to make up for being a crappy sister. Because Hailey King knew. Hailey King knew how sick my brother was when I didn’t, and I wanted to hate her for that. Instead, I could only hate myself a little more. Hailey put her hand on my arm, and I jumped because I hadn’t realized she’d stepped into my space. “I’m calling the hospital. I can stay, take off today and tomorrow. They’ll understand.” I shook my head. “You don’t have to do that.” A shadow of her usual sarcastic smirk came back then, and she let her arm drop. “I’m doing this for him, you know. You asked me how much I love your brother.” She turned to look at Peter’s motionless form on the bed, and I followed the rise and fall of his chest with a swift pang of regret. What I told her next was an even tougher pill to swallow. “You’re right. It will be better if I stay with the kids tomorrow. Are you… have you stayed the night here before?” Hailey nodded. “Yeah, a couple of times before you came. We haven’t been together that long, really.” She turned back to me with a strange look in her eyes. “I know Peter and I haven’t exactly been stable in the past. But things are different this

time. I never really got over him before, and I don’t care about the cancer now. I want you to know that because I’m not going anywhere. I won’t do what she did to him.” Despite everything that had happened since I woke up that morning, I found myself smiling at Hailey King. “I won’t have to break your face, then.”

12

CITY KIDS

I

woke up with the sun the next morning and felt as though I should have slept another twelve hours. This was more than a bad case of jet lag; this was pure exhaustion. The kids were still asleep when I tiptoed past their rooms. Thank you, God. Sasha had remained on silent strike all day yesterday, though when I left a bowl of macaroni by his bedroom door, it was missing an hour later. Anya had remained oblivious at first but wore me out with games of tutus and dancing in the Russian ballet. Hailey had only appeared occasionally with a look and a quick word. Peter was still stable, still sick, and still feverish. I had collapsed in bed minutes after putting Anya in hers. It wasn’t fair that I should wake up so early, but I was grateful too. After yesterday’s chaos, I was

glad to make a cup of coffee in blissful silence. I wasn’t prepared for the doorbell to ring before I could enjoy my coffee. Mrs. King was smiling on the other side of the door. “Morning, Danica! Glad to see you up bright and early. Jet lag finally decided to go away, huh?” She bustled past me and into the house as though she had been there a dozen times before. Which, I supposed, she had. I took a second too long to shut the door behind her and followed as she entered the kitchen and prepped the stove. “Mrs. King, I’m glad you’re here and all, but what the hell are you doing?” She glanced back at me over her shoulder. “Cooking breakfast, of course! I see you already got the coffeepot started.” “Yeah… um, what made you decide to come over?” I knew I should have just kept my mouth shut and enjoyed the fact that someone else was taking care of things, but it was too early in the morning for me to form cohesive thoughts. Mrs. King’s smile warmed, and her eyes practically bled kindness. “Hailey called me last night to let me know she wasn’t coming home.” Oh… “Have they left for his appointment yet?” I glanced back in the direction of my brother’s bedroom. Their cars were still in the driveway

when I’d woken up that morning, and I hadn’t heard a sound come from the room since. I turned back to Mrs. King and shook my head. “Not yet.” I thought back to the blood on the toilet and the vomit all over the room, how the scent of it had clung to me even after I’d showered twice later that night. I didn’t think I could ever forget that smell or the way my brother had sobbed. “Danica?” Mrs. King placed her hand on my arm. “Why don’t you get out for a few hours? I’m sure there is something that needs doing. How about groceries? Have you had time to pick anything up for the week? The kids must and will have their PB&J.” She chuckled to herself and let go, returning her attention to the pancake batter she was mixing. I nodded. “Groceries, right. Um, yeah, I can go stock up. Are you sure you don’t mind?” I knew she didn’t, but I needed to hear her say it. “Course not! I’ll keep an eye on the kids until you get back. It’s my day off, anyway.” I grabbed my car keys off the key hook by the back door and jingled them in my hand. We needed the food, and I needed the sanity Mrs. King was offering. I grabbed my bag from the kitchen counter and walked out the door.

W HEN I

WAS A LITTLE GIRL ,

my dad had been

diagnosed with leukemia. All I knew then was it was a bad disease that made Papa too sick to get out of bed. One day he had been this vibrant, larger-than-life man, the next a shriveled shell of who he used to be. He lost weight and was constantly sick. Peter let me in to see him during the good moments, I realized now, when Papa was aware enough to still tell me stories of Baba Yaga and the Morning Star. Now Peter was sick, and I was keeping the kids out of the way. I guess it was best for them, but all I could think about was how I wished I’d known more back then. I drove past the grocery store twice before I realized I was avoiding the task Mrs. King had offered. I turned a different direction at the fourway stop the next time I came to it. Peter’s garage was already busy in spite of the hour. I pulled into the back lot and parked but left the engine running and my hands on the wheel. I wanted today to be part of my new normal, dropping my brother off at work and teasing Leach and the guys. For reasons I didn’t care to consider, I was staring up at the flat above the garage. I jumped when a hand knocked on the driver’s window, and I turned. My fingers fumbled with the button to lower the glass, and then there was nothing but air separating me from Adam King. I opened my mouth, ready to dish out a half dozen sarcastic remarks. Instead, I sat there, gaping

at my first love like a fish, all because Adam King looked me in the eye and saw right through my mask. “Hey.” His voice was slightly hoarse and gentle in a way I didn’t deserve. “Hey.” I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, and his eyes followed the movement. “So, were you planning on coming inside, or did you just want to sit here a while longer? Either is cool with me. Just thought you might be hungry. You have been sitting out here the last thirty minutes.” “Hungry?” The left corner of his mouth pulled back into a grin. “Yeah, hungry.” He pulled open my car door and stood back with his hands in his pockets. He was wearing faded jeans and a tee that might have once been white before it was coated in grease stains. I gave him silent props for at least trying to wash it out. I stared at him a heartbeat longer and turned off the engine. “You sure about this?” Because if he was asking me to come into his home, a lot more must have happened at the Kings’ than I remembered. He lifted his chin in a quick nod, as I shut the door behind me. “I wouldn’t have asked you up if I wasn’t.” “Up? You mean I’m going to see the mysterious

flat? Can’t decide whether I should feel honored or scared.” I walked up the rickety metal steps that led to the little balcony connected to his door. I gripped the railing to keep from gritting my teeth when the steps shook more than I would have liked. “I don’t invite just anyone to my place, you know,” Adam said as he walked inside and held open the door for me to follow. “Am I being rewarded for something, or are you feeling sorry for me?” He shut the door behind me with a light slam and brushed past me. From the set of his hunched shoulders and tilt of his head, I knew I’d messed up somehow. All ease had fled his features when he turned around to face me. “Thought we had a truce, remember?” His eyes searched mine, no doubt finding my blush amusing. Fact of the matter was I didn’t remember. He shook his head. “You really don’t remember anything?” I shrugged off my embarrassment and attempted to laugh. “It’s not like I don’t remember anything. Your sister kept pouring wine into my glass.” Adam’s posture straightened. He drew up to his full height and pursed his lips together, but he didn’t challenge me on my lies. Instead, he walked into the kitchen area and left me to explore. “My mom called a while ago, said you might be by.”

I shook my head as I stepped farther into the open living space. “How does she always know?” Adam kept his back to me while pouring himself a full cup of black coffee. “She swears it’s her sixth sense.” I wanted to laugh, but it had sounded hollow to my ears last time, and I was tired of pretending for Adam King. I hadn’t seen the apartment since Peter had renovated it, something he’d always talked about doing but had never gotten around to when I was younger. The television and couches were positioned against the wall by the short entry hallway. A coffee table sat on a dark rug and looked as though it were homemade. Windows were covered in a wall of curtains that stretched to the small dining and kitchen area. Adam had pulled them open this morning to let the sun in. I looked to the left and glimpsed two other doors that must have led to his bedroom and bathroom. Everything was as it should be, but something was missing, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. “Wow… somehow this is not how I pictured your place.” He leaned back against the kitchen counter and held his cup in front of his chest. “How did you picture it?” “I don’t know, lots of pictures on the walls and clothes on the floor.”

“I’m not in high school anymore, Dani.” Dani… Hearing my old nickname on his lips, his name for me alone, made my body do strange things. For one pitiful moment, I realized I hadn’t had sex since Prague, and I very much wanted it now. His eyebrow rose in silent question, and I realized I’d never replied. “Yeah, I guess not.” He shrugged and looked away. “My room is kind of a mess. As for pictures, I haven’t picked up a sketchbook since you left.” “Hmm…” I couldn’t string any words together when he crossed his arms over his chest. I had to walk around so I didn’t do or say anything stupid. As I searched his home for any personal touches, I came up short, besides the set of metal weights stacked in one corner. “So, you hungry or not?” You have no idea, I thought with a silent thanks to God. Thinking that way about Adam King was dangerous, and he would only hate me for it in the end. “I can eat.” I dared to face him. “I had cereal already. You got a preference?” Some of the open kindness was back in his expression as he hesitated and grinned. “Still like Lucky Charms?” “I’m more of a Frosted Mini-Wheats girl these

days.” “Well, you’re out of luck. All I got is Cheerios and Cocoa Puffs.” “Whichever has the most sugar.”

A CURIOUS THING HAPPENED THEN . Adam and I sat side by side on his living room couch and watched the morning news. We had graduated from screaming at each other in bitterness to a typical boring breakfast between friends. I paid less attention to the bullshit being spouted off on the television and more to the surrealism of the moment. Adam stared at the screen, and for once, there was no mask hiding his emotions. In fact, there were no emotions besides the occasional tilt of his mouth. I wanted to taste that mouth again. I had dreamed about it the other night and wanted to know if he kissed like I remembered. I followed the trail his facial scar left across his forehead and into his hairline. I wondered what scars his legs had from the night he’d almost lost his life because of me. “How long have you been working here?” I blurted out. Adam glanced at me from the corner of his eye. “About three years now. I knew some about mechanics from the army; the rest your brother

taught me.” I glanced down to his bare forearm, marked with what looked like permanent grease stains. “You didn’t have any trouble getting into the army?” He was silent, but I didn’t dare look up. Finally, he said, “I couldn’t walk at first, after the accident, but after a year of therapy, I could run again. That was all the army cared about.” “Adam,” I started and took a deep breath to say what I should have said long ago. “You wanna go to a party tonight?” Adam interrupted and took a sip of his coffee. “A-a party?” “Yeah,” he said. “You wanna go to a party at the Brewers’ tonight, with me?” I pinched my arm and hoped he didn’t notice how I kept staring at his lips. Snap out of it, Zvezda! “Seriously? Last time we went to the Brewers’, we almost killed each other. Are you sure that’s the best idea?” He shrugged. “You have a better idea?” I can think of a few things, I thought with a smirk. But then I thought about Peter and the kids and groceries. I was being stupid again, thinking with my lady parts instead of my brain. Going to a party with Adam King was not a good idea, not now. I stood and carried my bowl to the kitchen to

rinse it in the sink. “Sorry, but I really should be getting home. I still haven’t bought groceries yet.” “Want some company?” he called from behind me. I frowned and turned. “I should get going.” He closed the distance between us until my legs were pressed tightly against the kitchen counter. “My shift doesn’t start for another two hours.” What is he saying? I wanted to shake him by his damned perfect arms. I wanted to understand him. His arm rose, and for a moment, I held my breath as he brushed past me to turn the faucet off. I let go of the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. I hadn’t felt like this in ten years. “Let me help you, Dani.” I didn’t trust myself to answer him properly, so I nodded and let him lead the way.

13

ANYMORE OF THIS

P

aranoia settled into me when Adam not only helped me load the grocery cart but slipped past me to pay at the register. I was so pissed at him, I didn’t say a word while he drove my car back the way we’d come, not even when he drove past the garage. He pretended not to notice. “What the hell is this?” “This is me being your friend,” he calmly answered. I choked on the laugh that escaped me. “Friend? But we… you said…” “We made a truce the other night. I agreed to stop being an ass to you. This is me trying.” I stared unabashed. “I don’t know you at all anymore.” He parked my Escape and smiled at me. “So get to know me.”

I felt it down in my gut—warmth, lust, hope all rolled into a twisted thing I didn’t recognize. Attraction wasn’t something on my agenda when I met guys. I picked them for various reasons, all so I could forget another day and night, forget the fact that I hated myself. Yet here was the boy I’d broken, asking me to forget the past, unless I was mistaken, asking me to be his friend. It didn’t make any sense; it thrilled and terrified me. Adam exited the car with his arms weighed down by multiple bags. It took me about a minute before I was ready to follow him inside the back door. I carried the rest of the bags with me and realized he had only left the lightest behind. I rolled my eyes at this chivalrous display. Mrs. King was ordering Adam about the kitchen as I entered, and Anya shadowed both. I smiled when my niece ran and threw her arms around my waist. She didn’t let go, even after I set the bags down on the floor. “Aunt Dani, you’re back! Papa and Hailey just got back too! We woke up, and you were gone! Sasha is mad and won’t come downstairs, but Papa wants to talk to us. Can you talk to Sasha? Daddy is sad, and it makes me so sad.” She paused for breath, and I smoothed down her wild curls. “I’ll talk to him, baby girl.” She clung to me still. “Did you eat breakfast?” “Oh, yes!” Her curls bounced as she danced in

place. “Mrs. King made me berry pancakes!” “Adam, honey, be a dear and help me with these dishes.” Adam nodded and stepped up to the sink to put dishes in the dishwasher. Mrs. King rubbed his shoulder then turned to smile at us. “Anya, did you finish your painting already?” “Oh! Not yet.” She scampered over to the kitchen table, where sure enough, scattered manila paper sat beside a tray of watercolors. “Aunt Dani, I’m making a picture of Baba Yaga for you.” “That’s neat, kiddo.” I had to grin. What other American-born, Russian-speaking child would paint pictures of Baba Yaga? Mrs. King came to me and placed her hand on my arm. “I heard Anya tell you about Sasha. Poor boy hasn’t been down all morning. I think it might be a good idea if you talked with him.” “Not so sure he wants to hear from me right now.” “He may not know it, but he needs you right now, honey.” When Mama King gave an order, I obeyed— that was all. Arguments were null and void against the combination of her wrath and wisdom. Part of me was still preoccupied with the fact that Adam was doing dishes in my kitchen sink. And I would have much rather checked on Peter and Hailey to hound them about the doctor’s appointment than

face my nephew, which was why I spent a full minute psyching myself into knocking on his bedroom door. Sasha didn’t answer my knock at first. I pressed my ear to the wood and tried in vain to listen. I took in a deep breath and knocked again. “Hey, Sasha? It’s Aunt Dani.” I laughed to myself. “Course it’s Aunt Dani. He’s not stupid,” I added under my breath. “So, everyone is worried about you. Your papa wants to talk to you and your sister.” The silence stretched so long after that, I thought he might still be sleeping if he wasn’t mixing chemicals with his science kit. “Go away.” His voice was closer to the door than I’d thought it would be. “Sasha? You know you can’t hide in your room forever. Eventually, you have to come out.” I leaned my forehead against his door and pressed my fingertips against the wood. “I’m still mad at you. You lied to me. I know Papa was sick yesterday.” “Your papa wanted to talk to you first. I’m sorry I lied.” The door opened, and I almost fell on top of my nephew. I stood in shock for a second. “Hey, kiddo.” My smile fell when I saw the red rings around his eyes. He had been crying, and I wondered how much he was aware of after all. He sniffed and rubbed his nose against the sleeve of his shirt. “Where’s Papa?”

“He’s in his room with Hailey. Anya’s painting in the kitchen. Want to wait with her in there? Mrs. King might make you a snack if you already ate breakfast.” He held his belly when it growled at both of us. “Guess I am hungry.” I reached to mess with his hair, but he walked ahead of me and down the stairs. I sighed as I followed him. “Not forgiven yet, Pavlova.” The kitchen held a most remarkable sight. Adam King was hunched over the dining table with his hand covering Anya’s, and together, they painted a smooth line from a bright-yellow dot near the center of the page. Even Sasha seemed interested as he watched from Adam’s other side. “Hey, Adam.” Sasha took the chair beside his. “Hey, little man.” Adam greeted him with a genuine smile while he helped Anya clean her brush and start with a new color. My chest felt tight, and I turned away. How did he go from asking me to stay out of his life to this? Mrs. King handed me a glass of what looked like fresh lemonade. The woman was a true Southern miracle. “Take this to your brother, honey. I think he will want to see you before the kids.” “Thanks for everything you’ve done, Mrs. King. You didn’t have to.” “Nonsense, you and your brother are part of our family, no matter what anyone else says. I stand

my ground on that.” I wasn’t a touchy-feely person, but I fought the strongest urge to hug her then. Instead, I took Mrs. King’s lemonade to Peter’s room. I hesitated in the doorway, half expecting that horrible, sickly smell from yesterday to permeate the air. I shut the door behind me and stepped farther in. The room smelled like antiseptic still, but the sickness was gone, at least the smell of it. Hailey was leaning over Peter in the bed, and my heart clenched again when she brushed her lips over his cheek. It made the last of my old hate for her evaporate at the same time I put aside the last of my doubts about her feelings for Peter. Hailey smiled up at me before returning her focus to Peter. She whispered something to him, and he nodded. I was happy when she left the room, this time because I wanted a moment alone with my brother. “From Mrs. King,” I said as I offered the glass. Peter smiled and shook his head, so I set it on his bedside table for later. I sat beside him and took his hand in mine and tried not to cry at the sight of him. He looked as though he had lost weight overnight; he looked worse than I had seen him yet. “You look like hell,” I said. Peter smiled. “I feel like it.” “I got Sasha to come downstairs. It’s my fault

he stayed up there so long, really. I didn’t know what to tell him yesterday, and he got upset.” “It’s okay, baby girl. You were right. I wanted to tell the kids myself. I should have told them sooner. That was stupid on my part.” “You weren’t ready yet, that’s all.” Peter sighed. “You were right to call Hailey yesterday. Thanks for taking care of me the way you did. I’m really proud of you.” I laughed and shook my head. “I didn’t know what I was doing, not really. That’s why I called her. Figured she was the next best thing to a hospital. What did the doctor say?” Peter grimaced. “They want to do more tests, but it looks like the cancer is more aggressive than they thought.” “What aren’t you saying?” “We are still going to try chemo. I wanted to avoid it as long as possible, but now we don’t have a choice. Doc seems to think we might have a chance with the chemo.” I squeezed his hand. “We do have a chance, Petey. You’re stronger than Papa was, I just know it.” His fingers twitched as if he was trying to squeeze back. “I’m so glad you’re here, baby girl. I wish I could promise you things will get better. They’ll get a lot worse before the end.” “I’m not giving up on you, and neither are the

kids, or Hailey.” Peter smiled. “Doc put me on strict bed rest for the rest of the week, so I’m afraid I won’t make it in to work. Think you could go and make excuses for me? Hailey won’t let me use the phone, either.” “What a bitch,” I said with a smile so he’d know I was mostly teasing. “Are you going to tell the kids now?” He nodded. “Hailey went to get them. Could you stick around for this? I think I understand why Papa made me tell you instead of facing you himself.” I winced at the unpleasant memory. “I’m not gonna leave you.” “I know,” Peter said. What he couldn’t say was the possibility we were both choosing to ignore, that he might leave me.

THE KIDS TOOK Peter’s news about as well as I once had. Anya was frightened and cried in Peter’s arms. Sasha scowled at the floor with his arms crossed and refused to acknowledge the rest of us. I could relate to Sasha. I was angry too because it wasn’t fair. I clawed at the bottom of my shirt to fight back my urge to flee. I was convinced if I didn’t leave the room soon, though, I would either break down

like Anya or throw Peter’s bedside lamp across the room. Peter shared a glance with me over Anya’s shoulder, and we both looked at Sasha. “Hey, kid, let’s go outside a minute,” I said. He turned his scowl up at me but let me lead him by the shoulder out of the room. Anya’s sobs followed us. The Kings were in the kitchen, even Adam. Our eyes met the moment Sasha and I came into the room. “They need a minute back there.” My nephew shuffled on his feet, and I looked back at Adam, helpless. I didn’t expect him to uncross his legs and walk up to us. “Hey, little man, want to get out of here for a little while?” “Where?” Sasha grumbled. Adam shrugged. “Wherever you want.” “I want ice cream.” Adam’s eyes found mine. “Fair enough. Ready to go, Aunt Dani?” I rolled my eyes. “Sure thing, soldier.” I chuckled when Adam’s expression darkened.

14

ONE STEP CLOSER

T

his is how I found myself spending the afternoon with Adam King. Turns out he was a genius for thinking of bringing Sasha along. After ice cream, we had to drop Adam back off at the garage, and I decided to kill two birds with one stone. Leach was running things today, and I spoke with him while Adam got ready for his shift upstairs. Being in the garage again felt right and natural, like for a little while, we could pretend there was no cancer hovering over our family’s head. Sasha hovered close to me with wide eyes and stared at Leach when the big, bearded man tried to ruffle his hair. I was starting to wonder how often Peter brought the kids to work with the way my nephew took everything in. Leach had crossed his arms over his chest and

kept his head down while I relayed Peter’s message. “He’s on bed rest for the rest of the week.” “Good thing Hailey’s with him. Otherwise you know he’d try to drive up here.” A small part of the petty child in me wanted to disagree, but I was glad to have Hailey King around too these days. “Maybe after this week, he can come up once a week or something. We’ll have to see what the doctor says. You okay handling things in the meantime?” “Oh yeah,” he said with a roll of his shoulders. “Between me and Adam, I think we can handle the moron twins.” Something heavy clanged against the garage floor, and Leach sighed. “One moment, please.” He opened the garage door and leaned his head in to shout, “You two better not be shitting around!” “Sorry, Leach!” one of the new guys hollered back. “Don’t be sorry! Use your damn brains!” He shut the door and turned back to me with a pleasant smile. “You were saying?” I laughed and glanced over at Sasha, who was still sitting at Peter’s desk and finishing off the last of his ice cream cone. “Thanks for understanding. And hey, you know who to call if you need help with the books, right?”

“Bet your sweet ass I do,” he said. “Are you okay?” “Don’t worry about me. I want to know if you’re ready for your date this week.” Leach’s pale skin immediately turned beet red. Before he could answer, Adam came through the back door, dressed in his work coveralls. “What did I miss?” he asked as he took in Leach’s red face and my grin. Leach feigned anger. “None of your damned business, King. Get your ass out there already, will you?” Adam met my eye, and the corner of his mouth turned up. I giggled, giggled like a schoolgirl. Hang on to your panties, Pavlova. After Adam clocked in, he insisted on taking Sasha with him into the main garage. “If that’s all right with you, Aunt Dani?” he asked in that damned irresistible deep voice. “Sure. You don’t mind, Leach?” My brother’s oldest friend shook his head and waved them on. I watched from the office door while Adam pointed out different parts and tools to my nephew. Sasha looked and didn’t touch, but I could tell the little Einstein was soaking it all in. Leach answered a short phone call, and I didn’t even notice when it ended and he came to stand behind me until he spoke. “So, what’s the deal with you and King?”

I jumped. “What? What are you talking about?” Leach leveled a knowing look at me. “Last time you two were in here, you were shitting bricks, and now you’re acting like he’s got the moon hanging out of his ass. What changed?” “His family helped us out when Peter got sick, and I don’t know… he’s been there today for us. Peter just told the kids, and it was Adam’s idea to get out of the house a while.” “Hmm…” Leach watched Sasha point and ask Adam questions. “I guess you know Peter helped King out a lot the last couple of years. He was in a bad place when he got back, totally different from the kid who used to follow you around everywhere. Funny thing is, all the time he’s been back home, I’ve never seen King act like he does around you.” Taylor spilled oil on the garage floor, and Leach cursed before walking inside. “Damn it, kid!” Austin held his black-stained hands up. “Wasn’t me this time, Leach!” Watching Sasha with Adam did more than give me warm fuzzies; it made me consider things I hadn’t let myself consider. For so long, I had assumed a certain type of life wasn’t for me. I’d missed my chance when I left for Petersburg ten years ago. Now I was considering the party at the Brewers’ tonight. Would it really be so bad to go with him? It didn’t have to mean anything, right? The commotion in the garage came to an abrupt

standstill when a petite woman walked in their midst. She was so familiar, with her waist-length brown hair and tanned skin. A thick Southern accent followed. “Hey, y’all, I’m here to pick up my mom’s car.” Leach stood frozen for a moment until Austin pushed his shoulder. Leach turned to scowl at the newbie before straightening and walking up to their visitor. “Hey, you must be Amber McSpadden? Sandy said you might show up. Come over this way, and you can fill out the papers.” I covered my mouth to keep from laughing aloud. This was too good. Even Sasha and Adam were watching from the back of the garage. Leach towered over Amber. Not only was he taller but also broader and pale to her sun-kissed skin. Now his white skin was somewhere between beet and blood red as he escorted her to the office. Amber smiled brightly when they came up to me. I held up a hand in a small wave. “Hey! I’m Amber. You from around here? You look so dang familiar…” I shook her hand and smiled back. “Danica Pavlova.” Understanding dawned in Amber’s green eyes. “That’s right. You were just a kid when I left for school. I heard you moved back to Europe somewhere.” “Yep, finished school in Russia.”

“Cool beans! Hey, Leach, ain’t it? You got those papers?” I stepped back to let her go stand at Leach’s side and watch him fumble with his papers. She grinned up at him as though she knew exactly what kind of effect she had on him. Boy, is he in trouble. I entered the garage to give them a moment. Sasha looked up at me with bright eyes. Adam’s plan had worked for the time being, I was happy to see. “Dani, Adam’s been showing me the different parts of an engine!” “That’s so cool, buddy,” I said. Adam turned over a socket wrench with restless hands. “Could we come back tomorrow?” Sasha asked. “For a little bit, if it’s okay with Adam.” Adam nodded when Sasha turned his question to him. “Sure, little man, you can come anytime.” “We should probably head back home. It’ll be time for supper pretty soon.” I forced myself to meet Adam’s eye. “Thanks for letting him shadow you.” “Anytime.” Sasha grumbled, but his good mood was strong enough that he didn’t throw any death glares my way. We had almost made it to the office when a

large hand wrapped around my wrist and held me back. I turned to face the full force of Adam’s grayblue eyes and sucked in the air between us. He opened his mouth but glanced down first before asking, “So you’ll come with me tonight?” I shook my head. “Sorry. I really should hang with the kids, I think.” Adam frowned. He let me go, but I recognized the unspoken challenge in his beautiful eyes.

SASHA’ S good mood lasted until we ate the chicken and dumplings Mrs. King had fixed for supper. Before then, he regaled Anya and anyone who would listen all about the garage and what Adam had shown him. Clearly, he had a new hero. But after Peter joined us, Sasha clammed up and wasted no time escaping the table. My nephew acknowledged me enough to listen when I told him to put on pajamas and brush his teeth. Peter listened to Anya’s silly stories a little while longer, but I could tell he was hurt. I took Anya in my arms when her speech began to slur and her head started to nod against my brother’s chest. By the time I came downstairs again, Hailey had put Peter back on bed rest and come back to the kitchen table. Mrs. King, in her magical method, had managed to clear the table, do dishes,

and pour us each a glass of wine I didn’t know my brother had been hiding in the pantry. Mrs. King brought up the elephant in the room first. “So, how are we going to handle this, ladies?” “You both have already done enough,” I protested. Hailey took a hefty dose of her wine. “I’ve been meaning to take off work for a while now. I have enough time saved up; it wouldn’t hurt.” Mrs. King hummed her approval. “I think I could convince the hospital to pay you for home care. Peter is a patient, technically.” Hailey smiled at her mother, and I pushed aside my jealousy. “Danica.” Mrs. King turned her attention to me. “Do we need to drive the kids to school in the morning? I could drop them off before my shift.” “No need, they usually take the bus… shit. I need to pack their lunches.” I set my glass down and pushed my chair back. Mrs. King smiled. “Already taken care of, honey. Now, how about after school? Will you be able to pick them up?” Again, I had to wonder why they were trying so hard. I didn’t understand why they cared. “Thanks, but I’m not planning on going anywhere tomorrow.” Mrs. King nodded. “Well, I think that covers it for now, ladies.”

I started to speak, to ask the question burning at the back of my throat. Instead, I turned to answer a knock on the back door. I frowned when I pushed open the curtain and found Adam King waiting on the other side. I cracked open the door. “What the hell are you doing here? Do you know what time it is?” I looked him up and down, dismayed to find him dressed in boots, fresh jeans, and a collared shirt. He looked good enough to eat, despite all the grease stains on his bare arms. I shook my head. “Do you ever take a shower?” “Danica, who is it?” Mrs. King asked from behind me. Adam grinned at my comment and glanced over my shoulder. “Hey, Mom, just came by to pick her up for the Brewers’ party.” “Oh, of course! Here we’ve been, chatting away like hens. Danica, you should have told me you had somewhere to be,” Mrs. King gushed. I narrowed my eyes at Adam’s shit-eating grin. Bastard. “I did shower before I came, by the way,” he added. “You ready to go?” “Go?” I laughed. “Adam, for the last time, I’m not going to the Brewers’ with you tonight. I need to stay here in case the kids need me.” Hailey spoke up. “You should go. I’m staying the night, anyway. I can keep an ear open for the

kids.” I turned to glare briefly at her. Hailey grinned back cattily. I wasn’t expecting to see a wide smile on Adam’s face when I looked up at him again. “Fine,” I said. “Give me a sec to change. I stink.” I pushed back from the doorway, but Adam took my hand in his and pulled my purse off the counter. “You’re fine. Come on, before we’re late, Pavlova.” “Have fun, you two!” Hailey called after us with mocking sweetness. I flipped her the bird.

15

LET YOUR LOVE FLOW

A

t the Brewers’, things were in full swing by the time we arrived. It seemed they had pushed the party a bit farther into the backyard, and the size of the fire reminded me of our old high school bonfires. Then I remembered what an ass I’d made of myself the last time we were there. I stared from the passenger seat of Adam’s truck at the silhouettes shifting in front of the firelight. He opened the door for me, but I couldn’t find the willpower to move my legs. “This is a bad idea,” I said. “It’s a good idea,” Adam argued as he undid my seat belt and took my hand back in his. His touch pulled my stare from the fire to his beautiful eyes. This did not help to calm my nerves. “Caleb’s probably still pissed at me.” Adam tugged me until my feet hit the ground

and I had cleared enough space for him to shut the door and lock the truck behind me. “In case you forgot, I was the one who lost my shit last time we were here.” I bit my lip and tried to look past him but stilled when his other hand took hold of my chin. “You deserve a break too, Dani,” he said. Why do you care so much? I wanted to ask him. He half led, half dragged me to the bonfire and the music and the people I’d once hated. Caleb and his wife, Andi, were the first to greet us with equally wide eyes and blatant shock. “Wow, brother, you finally did it,” Caleb said with a laugh and slap on Adam’s back. “Shut up, man,” Adam grumbled. Andi pulled me from Adam’s grasp before I could throw in a comment and handed me a beer. “Wow, didn’t think you would make it tonight!” “Neither did I. Sorry about last time,” I said. Andi’s smile was as warm and genuine as it was forgiving. I knew there was a reason I had liked her alone of all the girls in our class. “Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t the first time things got a little heated around here. Besides, the kids are with my mother tonight. We can be as loud and obnoxious as we want. Come on, let me reintroduce you to everyone,” she said and linked her arm through mine. Everyone looked shocked when Andi pulled me

around, introducing me as “Adam’s date.” “We just came here as friends,” I said, attempting to correct Andi, but she would not be dissuaded. Justin Greene, would-be archeologist and former nerd, was there sans uniform, and I found myself smiling back at him when he offered me another beer. “Danica Pavlova! Haven’t seen you around town lately. Hope you’ve been settling in okay.” “Town’s about as welcoming as I expected,” I replied. “It’s so good to see you again. I told the guys, and they wouldn’t believe me!” Andi kept her arm through mine when several of the girls from last time started to whisper amongst themselves. She stretched onto her tiptoes to speak against my ear. “Sorry about them. They’re not so bad when they’re not all together like that.” I took a sip of my beer. “I never got along with those bitches when we were kids. They used to make fun of my accent, especially when I’d accidently ask a question in Russian.” Andi nodded solemnly. “I remember that. They didn’t care much for me, either. I think Alyssa is still pissed at me for stealing Caleb Brewer from her.” She giggled, and I clinked my glass to hers in approval.

“Screw them. You got your man. They’re probably here to hook up, anyway.” I pushed aside the guilt I felt for that statement. Two weeks ago, I hadn’t cared for much else besides the next hookup. I took a bitter sip of my beer to wash the sour taste from my mouth. “So, tell me all the juicy drama. Who’s dating who around here?” Andi’s eyes sparkled as she leaned in again and kept both of us entertained for the next half hour. Turns out my exes—decent Shane, sleazy Jake, and creepy Ted—had all taken turns dating Alyssa and the other three girls. Jameson was the worst of all, though, no surprise there. He’d acted as though he was alpha dog in high school too. All the girls wanted to date Adam King, but he always said no. This made me both satisfied and angry at the same time. I hated feeling like the jealous girlfriend. Jameson walked up to us first out of the guys, and I was grateful for the new distraction. “Hey, Pavlova, glad to see King didn’t scare you away for good.” Andi sucked in a breath and started to say, “Matter of fact, she’s—” “I was wondering when you were going to say hi,” I interrupted as I released Andi’s arm and ignored her confused look. The two beers I’d had weren’t enough to make me tipsy, just buzzed enough to feel good. I took the apple margarita Jameson handed me and took a

swig. He led me back toward the bonfire and the music, and before I knew it, his hand was pulling me closer to him. “You know, I’ve been wondering if you have any ink on you all night,” he spoke roughly against my ear. I felt the vibrations all the way down to the warm space between my legs and shivered. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” I said. I let him grind against me in rhythm with the music and enjoyed the sensation of his fingers playing against the skin under my shirt. “Maybe you wanna show me?” he asked with a knowing smirk. It was the same look he’d given me when he’d tried to talk me into sex the last time. I had kneed him in the balls and ended the relationship then and there. Something about the moment and the words and the familiarity struck me again. This isn’t what you wanted then or now, Zvezda. I started to pull away but not before a force beyond us jerked Jameson up in the air and threw him to the ground. Glass shattered, and one of the girls screamed. I froze and watched as Adam straddled Jameson on the ground and threw swift punches at his face. All the while, he spat curses that were best not repeated. “Caleb!” I heard Andi call from somewhere behind me, and this spurred me into action. I knew

without a doubt if Caleb interfered, he’d get a nasty left hook. Instead, I ran up to Adam until I was in his face. “Adam King! Stop it!” He ignored me at first until I grabbed his chin and forced him to face me. “Grow a brain, asshole!” He blinked, and some of the blind rage fled his face as he froze. “Dani?” I glanced down at Jameson’s ruined face and Adam’s bloody knuckles then turned around and walked away. I meant for my exit to be a lot more graceful. Unfortunately, that third drink was working my system and causing me to stumble in my boots. Still, I struggled up to the edge of the field above the bonfire, past the barn, and up the hillcrest. I didn’t even notice Adam calling after me until he caught up and walked backward in front of me. “Dani! Dani, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have punched him. It was stupid.” He held his hands open and trembling in front of him. At first, he looked so lost that I almost forgave him. “You’re such an ass!” I yelled instead. “I can’t believe you punched him for dancing with me!” “Dancing? He was all over you!” Adam clenched his fists and held them rigid to his sides. “Oh, please, it’s not like it meant anything!” “It meant something to me! He knew you came with me tonight.”

“Yeah, as a friend, remember? You can’t go around beating up every guy who looks at me, Adam! It’s like high school all over again!” I threw my arms up and attempted to walk away from him. The grass must have been slicker than I thought because I was flat on my ass the next moment and laughing. Adam sighed heavily as he sat down next to me and buried his head in his hands. “I’m sorry I fucked up. You’ve already had an awful day, and you’re right—this isn’t high school.” His voice was as rough as sandpaper. I wanted to rub against that sound, against him. I edged a little closer until our sides touched. This got his attention. He lifted his head and looked at me, a frown marring his beautiful eyes. “I have a confession to make,” I said with a slight giggle. It was pointless to say what I truly felt. I was no better than the girls back at the party, wanting the next hookup. I wanted Adam King. “What’s that?” Adam asked, and this time I saw the lust hiding just behind the apprehension in his eyes. I leaned in closer and rested my hand on his bare arm. “I like it when you get protective like that.” I wasn’t so tipsy I wasn’t aware of what I was saying. And it was almost easy to tell him the truth there in that field, beneath the stars. “I’ve always liked it.”

I didn’t want to be angry with Adam King anymore, I admitted to myself. I wanted to be close. I linked my fingers with his and tugged ever so slightly. His nostrils flared as air fled his lungs, and his other hand reached up to grasp the side of my head and tangle his fingers in my hair. I pushed against his chest and covered his lips with mine. It was just like my dream. It was better. I pressed both hands to his chest and pushed until he was lying flat on the grass. His hands engulfed my waist and pulled me on top of him until my legs straddled his. His tongue swept against my lower lip, and I opened my mouth to let him in, to thread my tongue with his, to let him taste every crevice of my mouth. I rolled my hips against his and sighed when I felt him harden through his jeans. “Zvezda…” He moaned my name and ran his hand up my shirt at the same moment he released my mouth to trail kisses down my neck. Only Adam had ever called me by my first name. His voice was the only one I wanted to hear saying it, whispering it against my ear. I gasped when he sucked against my earlobe and drew his tongue against the shell. Shivers laced my spine, and I could feel the difference between us in the desperation in which we moved against each other. His hands trembled slightly as he found the clasp of my bra, and I thought for a moment how easy it would have been to let him unhook it, to let

him take me there under the stars I was named for. Something took possession of me as I reached back to still his hands, as I pulled up and looked into his beautiful eyes. My hair blotted the rest of the world out as I managed to whisper between stolen gasps of air, “Take me home.” He nodded quickly and helped me stand, though he seemed unsteady on his own feet. Once my hand was fitted in his and we were walking back down the hill, his step was sure. I had to concentrate hard not to smile as we passed our old friends and the people we barely knew. Andi raised an eyebrow when I meet her gaze across the fire and slowly smiled at me while Adam told Caleb, “Thanks for inviting us.” “Later, brother.” Caleb saluted and winked at me as I passed him by. Adam buckled me in and paused to caress my face, to kiss my lips again while I reached between us to stroke his length. I needed him to know this wasn’t about saying good night for me. I wanted to say good morning. I reached over to rub him from my seat and delighted every time I felt him twitch against my hand. His hands were tight against the wheel, and he kept his face forward on the drive home. I was so keyed up by this point, I didn’t even notice when we passed by my house and pulled into the back lot at the garage downtown.

He killed the engine and jumped out, slamming the door behind him. I opened my mouth to ask him why we were at his flat when he opened the passenger door, but the passion and fury in his eyes made me shut up. I unbuckled my seat belt, and he pulled me up against him before I could take a step out of his truck. My back slammed against the truck bed as his arm held my waist to his and his lips descended on mine again. I smiled and wrapped my leg around him and grabbed the bed of the truck with my free hand. The Adam I remembered was as shivering and gentle and virginal as I had been. This Adam was forceful but somehow not too rough, a man in place of a boy. He pulled away just when I thought we were about to finish this in the back lot of my brother’s business. I almost laughed when he smiled at me and managed to speak between breaths. “Sorry, you were just driving me crazy back there.” He nodded at the truck, and I slid down from his waist, rubbing against him one last time as I twined my hands around his neck. “You going to invite me up?” All my efforts at appearing confident and sexy were shot when he rested his hands on my waist and leaned his forehead against mine with an even softer smile. “Yes, Zvezda Danica, I’m going to invite you up. But I need to know if this is something you

really want. If you say no, I’ll try my damnedest to be your friend. I’ll take you home, and I won’t mention this to anyone.” His eyes searched mine, and I held my breath. “But”—he paused to kiss the tip of my nose and then each eyelid—“if you say yes, there’s no running away again.” I struggled to swallow and wet my lips. “If I say yes, will you let me stay until the morning?” He smiled at me, and I saw the kind of light I hadn’t seen in his eyes since we were little. He smiled, and I saw the same hope and joy I thought I had killed. I saw in his smile that he still, by some damned miracle, loved me even though I didn’t deserve it. I covered my mouth with my hand and squeezed my eyes shut. DO NOT ruin this! “Would you like to come upstairs?” I nodded and blinked back tears as he took my hand and led me.

16

SPANISH SAHARA

A

fter our struggle getting there, we took our time once Adam had locked the flat door behind me. I held back, watching him secure the door and toss his keys aside. I froze in place, not because I didn’t still want to jump his bones. I very much wanted him, and he obviously wanted me, judging by the erection struggling against his pants. The truth was I was nervous. It had been forever since I had been naked in front of him, or anyone really. All the years spent in dorm rooms and flats, hostels and hotels with other men were quick, hurried affairs. I never liked to stick around long afterward and kept a strict rule about not spending the night if I could help it. I never invited anyone to my house in the city. Now I felt just as nervous as I had in Adam’s bedroom ten years before. I watched as he checked

over his house and toed off his shoes in the hall. He disappeared into his bedroom for a moment before returning to stand just outside in the hall. I hadn’t moved an inch. He shoved his hands in his pockets and pulled them out again then ducked his head and looked up at me in the dim lamplight. “I’ve never had a girl in my room before,” he said. I glanced down the dark hall leading to his bedroom door. “Sure you want to let me in?” Adam nodded and waited. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves as I walked past him and pushed open the door. The only light in his room was a bedside candle he must have just lit. A single window was obscured by dark curtains, save a sliver of moonlight that crossed the floor to my feet. A pile of clothes sat in one corner, and I was pleased to see the king-sized bed. But what held my attention most were his walls. They were covered in sketches and paintings. Some I recognized from high school. Others were quick charcoal sketches of war, terrible images interspersed with pieces of the same face. At times, the sketches would only be focused on her hair, others on the curve of her arm or spindly hand, the turn of her lip. I stared at the easel set up in the corner and the pastels scattered on the floor. The face staring back at me wasn’t as young as the one pictured on the walls. The dark

eyes were haunted, and she looked too skinny about the face and arms, causing the eyes to appear even larger and lost. Her hair was a black, curled mess she struggled to push off her face. I didn’t know I was crying until Adam used his thumb to wipe the tears from my cheeks. I blinked up at him, stunned. “You said you don’t sketch anymore,” I whispered. He shrugged and studied my face. “I didn’t want you to know. I was angry for a long time. I didn’t want anyone to know.” “Why me? I was the dumb bitch who broke your heart in high school. You could have moved on after me. You could have started a family…” He stepped into the space left between us until my breasts were pressed to his chest and I could feel how much he still needed me. “I made up my mind about you in the third grade. It only would have worked with us.” I shook my head and blinked back tears. “You should hate me. Why don’t you hate me?” He pushed my shirt up until his hands encased my waist and kissed me softly. “I can’t hate you any more than I can hate myself.” I lifted my arms to let him pull my shirt away. His gaze swept over my chest and my breasts. I wanted to cover them up, convinced he would think they were too small. He grabbed my hands before I could, though, and kissed me again.

“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. That hasn’t changed for me, and it never will.” He stole my breath away when he unhooked my bra and trailed kisses over my breasts. He covered one nipple with his mouth and teased it with his tongue then gently sucked. I held on to his head, dug my fingers through his hair, and arched into him as he moved on to the other nipple. He picked me up and laid me on his bed and pulled my boots off before peeling my pants off my legs. “I’m going to take my time with you tonight, Dani,” he said. I nodded in agreement and tensed when he pulled his shirt over his head. His body was damned beautiful in the candlelight. His arms and shoulders were more defined than his chest, but he was mostly muscle. And my heart ached to see all his scars. The ones on his upper arms and torso looked like bullet wounds. I sat up on my knees to take hold of him, to kiss those scars and caress them with my tongue. I wanted to erase the pain that he had felt and the memories that came with them. Adam’s chest vibrated as he moaned and ran his hands through my hair and down my back. I used my hands to free him of his jeans and underpants. It was a struggle pulling them over his erection, and I glanced at it long enough to notice it had grown just like him. He shook the clothes off his feet and lifted me

into his arms as he lay on his back and pulled me on top of him. For a moment, I felt self-conscious. He pulled my chest against his lips again to tease and suck and drive me more than a little mad. I reached for his hard length with one hand and stole his mouth with mine. I wanted to drown in him and make him as wild as I felt for him. And I pushed aside the niggling warning at the back of my mind, the familiar voice begging me to run away, telling me I was making the same mistakes all over again. Adam must have noticed, because the next moment, he lifted me and pressed my back into the mattress and lowered himself until his tongue was doing delightful things below my waist. I squirmed to get away at first. I’d never let men touch me like that down there. Something about it had always been too personal for me. Adam ignored my pleas, and soon, I was begging him not to stop. Soon, I was clamping my thighs against his head and crying out his name. When I opened my eyes after, he was already hovering over me with a smile on his face. I struggled to catch my breath and slapped him on the chest. “Don’t look so smug.” “It has been a while for me. Don’t worry. I’ll get better with practice.” His eyes crinkled at the corners as he dipped his head to lave kisses on my stomach. I tucked my chin to watch him work his

way back up to my breasts. I sighed. “I take it back. You’re doing just fine.” He reached down to drag on a condom and position himself between my legs. He braced his arms on either side of my head. “You sure about this?” I pulled his head down to kiss his chin, his jaw, and the scar that had carved its way into his scalp. When I pulled back, his eyes were heavy-lidded with lust. “I want you, Adam King,” I said. He pushed into me then, filled me to the hilt until there was no space left between us. I gasped as he stretched my walls, lost in the sensation. He smiled faintly as he began to move over me, at first slowly, then faster… harder. I rose and twisted my hips to meet him just as eagerly, savoring in the pound of flesh, in the way he kissed my neck and sighed against my ear. I felt electric, a never-ending blur of sharp sensations that somehow connected with him. I grabbed at him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and held him against me as he moved harder and still faster. For the first time since our first time, I wasn’t having sex to scratch an itch or forget myself. I made love with the only boy I’d allowed myself to love. I dug my fingers in his back as the first wave of pleasure hit me, twisted, and shot through me until my toes curled, until I saw lights behind my closed

lids. I could feel his heat fill up inside me and his muscles clench with mine seconds after. For a long while, I held him to me, my legs wrapped around his waist, so he couldn’t see the tears in my eyes.

I N MY DREAMS, I never ran off to St. Petersburg, never chased my mother’s ghost across Europe. Instead, I slept in that single bed with Adam King the rest of the night. I was there to kiss him awake and, over the following weeks, help nurse him to health. When he needed to go to doctor’s appointments and therapy, I was there to drive him, to support his every step. Eventually, I jogged with him. After the year it took him to fully recover, we joined the local community college together. I studied literature, and Adam laid the groundwork for the agricultural degree he would eventually attain. Nothing and no one separated us through those five years, and at our graduation, he offered me a ring. Our first home was with his mother and sister, which I sort of loved and sort of hated. But I loved Adam enough to make it work. The farm slowly came back to life and began turning a profit within the year we graduated. We had our first child sometime later. I watched the sunlight shine over Adam’s smiling face the first time he held our baby

boy. There were no clouds in his eyes, no scars to mar his chest or his face. There had been some dark days, but with our firstborn’s arrival, all our silly arguments seemed petty and were long forgotten in our happiness. I shivered as Adam’s hands grazed over my skin and reached between my legs to lightly caress. I moaned and blinked until I could make out a dim outline of his face beside mine. I frowned in confusion. Where was the baby? “Adam…” I started to ask him when I caught sight of the scar crossing his forehead, tracing a line down his face, and I stiffened. His smile faded. “What is it, Dani?” His fingers stilled, and he pulled my waist until it was flush against him. I bit my lip and tried to look away. It was just a dream. “Nothing, it… it’s not a big deal.” He cupped my head and ran his thumb along my jawline. “What is it?” “That dream… it was so real, and I just thought at first…” I blinked, and my vision slightly blurred. I couldn’t tell him. “Why can’t life be that nice? Why do we have to screw things up?” Adam kissed first one eyelid then the other. “Life can be nice if we let it, I think.” “I wish I wasn’t so messed up,” I said. “I wish I knew how to be happy.” Adam ran his hand down my spine and up

again, eliciting shivers and comfort. “I’m no expert, but I think having you here with me like this is the happiest I’ve ever been. I think you make me happy, Zvezda Danica Pavlova.” I held his face in my hands and kissed him, touched him with all my regret for our past and what I felt for him in that perfect dream. His words had filled me with foolish hope, and the dream made me believe in it. He gripped the sheets when I took his hard length into my mouth and brought him to his limit. I loved the look in his eyes when I shifted and lowered myself over him, the tenderness and need in his eyes. I pressed my hands to his chest as I found a sure rhythm, and there was weight and meaning in every look, every caress. We fell asleep together, and my final thought was how I wanted this more than anything, every day, for the rest of our lives. I wasn’t the kind of woman who deserved a man like this. I ruined men, broke their hearts. I couldn’t stay in one spot for longer than a couple of weeks, let alone a lifetime. But in Adam King’s arms, with the dream of what our lives should have been still fresh, I could see it and believe in it. For the first time, I understood why my gypsy mother let my father fall in love with and marry her. Because sometimes good men fell for women like us, and we were daring enough to pretend we

deserved them. Love was funny like that.

17

FOLLOW YOU DOWN

I

woke up and stretched my arms and legs to push out the ache, moaned when my hips popped, and sighed as I opened my eyes to the world. I blinked. The ceiling fan was painted black instead of white. I turned my head and gripped the sheets in a moment of panic. What bed did you roll into this time, Pavlova? “Morning,” Adam said against my ear, and I shivered. The voice was deeper and rougher than I recalled from those bittersweet memories, but it was still the boy I had fallen in love with. I twisted my head to face him and smiled. “Hey, kid,” I said. Adam scowled as he ran a hand through my curls and brushed them back. “I always hated it when you called me kid.” I walked my fingers down the line separating

his abdominal muscles. “Well, it’s not my fault you skipped a grade.” Adam’s eyebrow rose. “Maybe you were jealous because I was younger and smarter than you.” I slapped his chest. “Shut up,” I said, but I didn’t hide my smile. Adam caught my hand in his. “You know I hated that nickname because I didn’t want you seeing me as a kid.” “I figured as much.” “You know you haven’t called me kid since junior year.” “It was harder to call you kid when you were taller and bigger-chested than I was.” I gasped when he reached a hand between us to tickle my ribs. “Want to say that again?” “Jeez, Adam, I was talking about my tiny tits, not your man boobs!” He paused and cupped my breasts in his hands in a quick study. “I think these grew.” I reached down to grab hold of his half-hard length. “I think this grew too.” “I’ve missed you, Morning Star,” he said with a smile before covering my mouth with his.

ADAM

MADE

me the breakfast of champions after

our morning round of bedroom aerobics. He insisted on donning shorts and an undershirt, the latter of which I attempted to remove several times. Adam didn’t like walking around half naked and claimed I should wear more than panties and one of his T-shirts. But that didn’t stop him from checking me out and running his hands over my ass at every opportunity. I didn’t mind so much. Adam did mind when I attempted to leave an hour later, though. “Why don’t you stick around the shop today? You know the guys won’t mind.” He tightened his arms around my waist and kissed the back of my neck. I fought back the shivers and the urge to give in an inch. “The kids will get home from school soon. I need to be there for them and for Peter, just in case.” He sighed and rested his forehead against my shoulder blade. “Would you laugh if I told you I’m a little scared to let you leave this apartment?” I laughed and turned in his arms to face him. The heels on my boots gave me enough height so my eyes were in line with his chin. “What’s the matter, King? Afraid I’m going to hop oceans again?” His lips pressed into a thin, hard line. “Do that, and I’ll chase you this time, Pavlova.” “All the way to Petersburg?”

“As far as I have to go to find you,” he replied before kissing me.

HAVING Adam King in my life again used to terrify me. If I were honest, I might have even admitted the concept still bothered me. But with the stress of keeping the kids’ spirits up and a smile on my face for Peter, having Adam made things better. For instance, only Adam could make Sasha’s eyes light up in fascination as he explained basic auto mechanics over supper. Only Adam could make Anya don a tutu and perform in the living room like she had before. And the only place I felt safe was wrapped in his arms after a long day. He spent every night of the following week with me. I was careful not to stay over at his place because I wanted to be there when the kids woke up each morning. Adam didn’t complain and even made breakfast for the family. Turned out he still liked to experiment in the kitchen, and fortunately, half his experiments weren’t half bad. During the day, I took care of correspondence between the University of St. Petersburg and the college in Fayetteville. Adam worked extra hours at the garage to give Leach time to manage things in the office. I spent a couple of mornings with the guys, answering phones and helping with the desk work. The bonus was it gave me the chance to tell

Peter what was happening in the garage while he was laid up. I tried not to notice the fact that my brother seemed to deteriorate rather than improve. Every night, Adam King held me in his arms and made slow love to me. It wasn’t easy keeping quiet with the kids across the hall from us, but we managed to keep our pleasures to a lower decibel. A week of all this, and I could almost forget the fact that things were not fine, that they were not normal. Yet we became good at pretending, at hoping things were going to get better. Hailey King caught me off guard a week after I left with Adam for the Brewers’ party. So far, she and Mrs. King hadn’t teased us mercilessly like I had expected them to. Maybe they were just as scared as Adam that I would run the other direction if they said too much. Hailey was waiting in the kitchen when I tiptoed downstairs to gather up a midnight snack, post sex, no less. I froze when I found her sitting at the kitchen table. Pushing aside the fact that I had been shagging her brother not five minutes ago, I waltzed past her to make the sandwich I’d come for. “Hey,” I offered. Hailey didn’t immediately answer. Odd… I snuck a glance at her between trips to the fridge and countertop. Hailey kept her head hung

low over the mug of tea between her hands. I laid out supplies and tried not to be too obvious with my next question. “You okay?” She lifted her head then, revealing a pair of redrimmed eyes. The look on her face struck me in the chest like a freight train. I couldn’t breathe at first. “What is it? Is Peter…” I swallowed, unable to get the words out. Hailey blinked, frowned, and shook her head. “No, no, it’s not that.” She took a long drag of her tea, and I tried to calm my rattled nerves. “Good.” Another pause. “How is Peter tonight?” Hailey’s lip turned up in a half smile. The expression reminded me so much of Adam, it was disconcerting on her face. “He’s a little nervous about tomorrow’s appointment.” The weight in my chest settled low in my abdomen, and I forgot about my sandwich. I felt as if I might lose anything I tried to eat, knowing what my brother was about to go through tomorrow. “Maybe they won’t have to be so aggressive with the chemo.” The hope sounded stupid to my ears. This isn’t a fairy tale, Danica. Hailey nodded and then said the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth. “I just proposed to Peter.”

“What!” I choked. “Shit,” I hissed and held my hand over my loud mouth. “Sorry,” I added. Hailey laughed. “I know it’s crazy. Peter thinks so too.” A strange look passed over her face, knitted her eyebrows together. “You know, I always knew you were going to break Adam’s heart one day.” “Ditto.” “It was pretty obvious to me he loved you more than you loved him. It used to piss me off so bad— the way he followed you around, ran to you the second you called. He was too young to lose his head like that, especially over a girl like you.” I gripped the edge of the counter and tried to accept what she’d said. I knew I deserved it. I knew part of me hated her because she knew I wasn’t good enough for him too. “Now I understand you better, Pavlova. I think maybe you did love him, maybe more than he realizes. I also think you should know Adam wasn’t the same after you left, much as I hate to admit it. He’s always needed you, the same way I need Peter. That’s why I’m asking you to be my maid of honor.” It was my turn to laugh then. “Are you serious? You that low on friends?” Hailey rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a bitch about it; just say yes.” “Of course I will. I mean, when is the

wedding?” I didn’t state the obvious ugly truth that lingered over all of us. Fact was, the sooner the wedding took place, the better. “October thirty-first,” Hailey replied. “A week…” I mused and shook my head as I tried to wrap my brain around it. “What did he say when you proposed to him?” Hailey grinned. “He said no, but I’m not giving up. We Kings are a stubborn family.” I glared at the ceiling, above which her little brother was currently snoring away in my bedroom. “You got that right.”

HAILEY STAYED in the kitchen to make another cup of tea, and I used the stolen moment to sneak into Peter’s room. The bathroom light was still on. Thankfully, my brother wasn’t passed out beside the toilet this time. He was in bed, passed out from the look of things. I sank onto the mattress next to him and took his hand in mine. Part of me wanted to crawl in bed with him then, like I used to when I was little and had a nightmare. I wanted him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be all right tomorrow. Because we weren’t guaranteed tomorrow anymore, I leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. “Hey, baby girl,” he said.

I pulled away and smiled at him. “Hey, yourself.” He smiled back, but his eyes cut to the room instead of focusing on me. “She’s in the kitchen,” I offered. Peter raised an eyebrow at me. “Did she… say anything to you?” “I don’t know, maybe something about a wedding and some shit.” I grinned at the horror on his face. I squeezed his hand. “I heard you said no.” He groaned, and for the first time, I saw despair fill his eyes, saw the anguish he tried to hide from the rest of us. “It wouldn’t be fair to Hailey. I won’t do that to her, Dani. I can’t.” He squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed hard. “You know you’re acting like a selfish bastard, Petey?” His eyes flared open. “Selfish? That’s exactly what I’m trying not to be!” “Well, too bad, because you already sound like it.” “What the hell can I offer her? A month? A year? And then what? What’s left for her after I’m gone?” “Damn you for talking like that, Petey! Are you planning to just lie down and die, then?” “I’m going through treatment, aren’t I?” “Yeah, but you better get your head out of your

ass. Just because you want to give up doesn’t mean we will. You talk about how unfair it is to Hailey, but clearly, she doesn’t see it that way. Maybe she wants to be with you, wants to be a mom to your kids. Sure, you don’t know how long you have together, but this might give her something to hold on to when you’re—if you don’t—you know.” I tucked my chin and hid behind my tangled hair. After a long moment, Peter reached up to brush the hair out of my face. His eyes were shining with unshed tears, but the grief was gone. “Thanks, baby girl. I needed to hear that.” He held open his arms, and I crawled into the space next to him and pretended I believed all the bullshit I’d just told him.

18

SLOW IT DOWN

A

dam’s lashes fluttered in his sleep. His mouth pulled into a frown as he tossed and twitched. Every night was the same, and every morning he refused to talk about the things he dreamed. We had shared a bed since we were children. Each weekend had been highlighted by sleepovers at Adam’s house. I didn’t want to bring him over to mine. Half of the time, Peter was out with his friends and Papa was sick. Mrs. King had laid out a pallet on the floor for Adam to sleep in, since she’d argued I should take his bed. He’d made no argument, and I later learned it had taken nearly an hour to persuade her to let us share a bedroom in the first place. The fact that he was seven at the time, winning an argument with any adult was impressive to me.

We had spent hours creating imaginary worlds together, reenacting our favorite movies, inventing new ways to torture bugs. At night, we lay next to each other, and once Mrs. King came to check on us one last time, Adam climbed into bed with me. Instead of protesting, I squeezed his hand tightly and savored the closeness. It was the only time I let Adam know how much I cared about him, the only time I didn’t call him “kid” and let us be. As we grew older, we progressed from hand holding to cuddling. As the midnight hours crawled by, I watched him long after he fell asleep and marveled how still and peaceful he seemed. He had smiled often in his sleep on those nights, with me wrapped in his arms. Now he tossed and turned, sometimes with me in his arms. Where had the peace gone? I traced his mouth with a finger and lowered my head to replace my finger with lips. Adam grunted something at the same time he flipped us, pinning me to the bed in a violent headlock. “Adam!” His eyes shot open, naked with whatever haunted his dreams. He frowned at me in confusion that was quickly replaced by horror and shame. He jerked as he released me and sat up to rub his face with his hands. “Shit,” he sighed and turned to look at me as I sat up with him. “Sorry, Dani.”

I kept my hands wrapped over my legs and forced a smile. “No worries. I should have known better than to disturb you.” I almost flinched from the darkness in his gaze as he turned to face me fully. “I almost choked you out, and you’re the one making excuses.” We sat together in silence in the dim morning light. I wanted to ask him again about his nightmares, about the things he had done and seen. I wanted to rip that darkness out of him and throw it away, wanted to absorb it into my skin. But I didn’t know how, not with my own demons to fight. “Peter’s first chemo appointment is today,” I said. He hesitated before reaching to close the gap between us. He gathered me up into his lap and caressed my face while his lips brushed against my eyes and my forehead. “I’m sorry,” he said again. I kissed him to ward off the deep ache in my chest. I didn’t have to know his nightmares, and maybe I didn’t want them any more than he wanted details of my sordid past. What mattered was now. We hadn’t discussed things like normal adults yet, hadn’t defined what this was or where it was headed. But we both needed this right now. I savored him, and for a little while, the darkness didn’t exist for either of us.

ADAM HELPED me watch the kids that day, and while Hailey and Peter were gone, I told him about what I’d learned last night. “Maid of honor, huh?” he asked, lips twitching into a smile. I rolled my eyes as I fixed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and watched the kids play in the backyard. “Shut your face. I can be a maid of honor.” Adam laughed. “Yeah, but for my sister?” He shook his head. “Guess this makes me best brother, huh?” “Best brother? What the hell is that supposed to be?” He came to stand behind me and slid his hands over my hips. “You know, the best brother hits on the bridesmaids and gets the groom drunk the night before, that kind of stuff.” “I’m the only bridesmaid you’ll be hitting on, King.” I turned in his arms and reached between us to squeeze his manhood tightly enough to make him squirm. “Easy with those,” he growled as he pulled my hips forward and bit the juncture between my neck and jawline. “Ew! Aunt Dani, what are you doing?” Anya exclaimed. “Gross, y’all. Get a room,” Sasha added. I turned to the back door and faced the shocked

and disturbed looks on my niece and nephew’s faces. “Um…” I started and yelped when Adam bit me again. “We were just finishing the sandwiches, kids.” I squeezed Adam slightly again only to find him hard and growing. He looked up and kept me pinned against his lower half as though it was no big deal. “Yep, just finishing lunch. Y’all wanna go ahead and eat in the living room? I need to talk some more to your aunt.” Anya shrugged and ran up to grab her plate. “Okay, but can I watch Spider-Man?” “Again?” Sasha groaned as he followed her and cast us one last suspicious glance. “Yes! I love Spider-Man.” Adam grinned and bent down to kiss me. I caught his mouth with my fingers and narrowed my eyes. “If you think I’m going to reward you after that, you’re dead wrong, King.” “What are you talking about? I really want to talk to you,” Adam said while rocking his hips into mine. His gaze held promises that made me weak in the knees and hot in the right places. I slipped out from between him and the kitchen counter. “Too bad, I’m going to watch SpiderMan.” “You’ll regret that later, Pavlova,” he called. “Bite me!” “Gladly,” he said as he ran after me. I shrieked

and jumped onto the couch, grabbing Anya up in my lap as a barrier. I buried my face in her sweet curls and did what I’d done best the last ten years. I lived in the moment.

W E WERE EATING dinner by the time Peter and Hailey came home. Adam had cooked pasta, another reason to endear him to me forever. By then, we were past the point of flirting and sharing tense looks, while Hailey did her best to corral the kids. “Papa, you were gone all day!” Anya wrapped herself around Peter. I avoided looking at the hollows under his eyes. “I missed you today, baby girl.” Peter’s voice was raspy. Anya crawled up onto his lap and placed her hands on either side of his face. “Did the doctor give you medicine? Are you gonna get better?” Her eyes were earnest and bright in the living room lamplight. Sasha stood off to the side near Adam, who kept a loose hand on his shoulder. Hailey met my gaze from across the room, and my heart sank in my chest. Bad news. “They gave me my medicine. I hope I get better, but we won’t know yet. These things take time.”

Anya kissed him on the cheek. “You’ll get better, Papa. I know you will!” Hailey cleared her throat, and Peter glanced up at her with a faint smile before turning his attention to the kids. “I have some good news to tell you. You want to hear it?” Peter asked and smiled when Anya nodded her head. “Hailey and I are going to get married on Sunday. What do you think?” Anya sat back and threw her hands over her mouth as she squealed. “Oh my goodness!” She giggled and turned to Hailey. “Can I be your flower girl?” Hailey laughed. “It won’t be a big wedding, but I would love for you to be flower girl if Sasha’s the ring bearer.” Sasha scowled at all of us when we looked for his answer. His face turned red in the following awkward seconds. Adam broke the silence. “What do you think, bud?” Sasha pushed Adam’s hand off his shoulder and ran upstairs. Adam sighed. “Probably should give him some space,” I offered, and he nodded in agreement. “In fact, Anya it’s about time for bed. Let’s go get your pajamas, okay?” “Okay, Aunt Dani.” Anya kissed Peter again and threw her arms around Hailey. “I am so

excited!” I followed her upstairs. While she rambled about the wedding, I did my best to push the look Hailey had given me out of my mind. Instead, I smiled and answered my niece’s questions. Anya demanded to sleep with her big brother, and Sasha, to my surprise, let her in without complaint. When I came downstairs, Peter was already in bed, and Hailey was talking in hushed tones with Adam. They looked up as I sat on the sofa next to them. “So, how did it really go?” I asked. Hailey rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Not so great. His cell count was too low. The cancer is progressing faster, and they aren’t sure if the chemo will get it in time. Treatment was rough on him too. I hate seeing him suffer like this, but he’s determined to go through with it.” “At least you got him to say yes.” I smirked. Hailey rolled her eyes, but her smile was genuine.

19

HURT

S

tarlight peeked through the bedroom window of Adam’s apartment sometime later. He had insisted on bringing me here after the long day we’d had. After the struggle of keeping on a good front for my family, I’ll admit I was feeling more than a little vulnerable. Adam’s sculpted muscles were a welcome distraction. I perched on the edge of his bed, watching him undress. Shadows and dim light played off the muscles of his back as he stripped off his shirt and tossed it to join his socks and jeans. Once he was stripped to his shorts, he turned to face me, and I caught my breath at the heat that sparked in his eyes. “You okay, Dani?” I shook my head. Nothing lasts forever.

I opened my mouth to speak, but the words were caught in my throat, a ready string of Russian he wouldn’t understand. I wasn’t sure I could translate what I wanted in a way that would make sense to him. A lump thickened in my throat, a well of sorrow twisting and clawing its way and springing fresh tears in my eyes. I feel like I’m losing my brother, I wanted to say. But it was more than that. It was the confusion I’d felt when my mother left us, when my father wasted slowly away to the same disease that now infected my brother. It was the self-hatred I’d known after I broke Adam King’s heart, and the long string of mistakes that followed. I might have sunk even farther if it weren’t for him. Adam crossed the short distance to stand at the edge of the bed and pushed my knees apart as he lowered himself, forcing me to crawl backwards. I lifted my chin, welcoming his kiss, and gasped when he kissed my tears away instead. He mumbled between kisses, “I’m here… not going anywhere…” A primal hunger urged me to taste and feel in ways only he could illicit. I wanted to memorize every centimeter of his skin. I grasped his head and pulled him to me, hooking a leg about his waist. Adam sucked in a shallow breath as I ran my hands over his chest and raked my nails down his back. I scraped his lip with my teeth and sucked his

tongue into my mouth. The muscles in his back and arms rippled as he shifted and rocked so I could feel him against me. The thin layers of clothes separating us only made me want him more, and I slipped from underneath him, forced him to lie back so I could lathe kisses down his chest. I reached down between us to rub him with my palm. His muscles clenched, and a low groan vibrated through his chest in response. I pulled the band of his shorts up and over his length and down his legs. The sight of him, firm and full with desire for me, coupled with heavy-lidded desire in his eyes, only made me hungrier. I swirled my tongue over the tip once before taking him as far as I could. His hips bucked, but I kept a firm grip on him, and when my own desire was too great, I released him and climbed onto his lap. I kept his gaze as I lowered myself onto his length, and a sweet, stuttered sigh escaped both of us at the sensation. His hips lifted swiftly to meet mine, and his hands grasped my ass as I rose with him, increasing our rhythm. His hands were everywhere, and then he rose to cover my nipple with his mouth at the same moment he increased his pace. We shuddered together when we found release. Sex was rarely this perfect for me. I didn’t expect the emotions that stole over me in the moments after. Whatever release I had been

looking for was lost in the way he held my face in his hands, his eyes roving over my face with a kind of fierce want and warmth. “I love you, Morning Star,” he whispered. I stared down at him, dumbfounded. “I… Adam, you know I…” I choked on my words again. The languages blurred and mixed in my mind as I tried to hold on to the right words. I jumped when Adam’s cell began vibrating on the bedside table. His attention stayed on me as I left his side to check the screen. Hailey’s name in bold made me pick it up to answer. “Hailey?” “Danica? Where the hell did y’all go?” “We came back to Adam’s—” “Never mind, just meet us at the hospital.” I gripped the corner of the table. “H-hospital?” Adam shifted on the bed behind me. Hailey’s answer was clipped. “We’re taking him into ICU. His body rejected the treatment.” “God, Hailey, I’m so sorry we weren’t there…” “Tell Adam to call our mother on your way here.” “Okay, I will… Hailey?” I turned to Adam and let the phone fall from my hand to the table. “She hung up.” I stared at the nicks and scratches in the mahogany surface. Adam already had his jeans on and was working on his boots. “I’ll drive.”

“HE’ S GONNA PULL THROUGH , DANI,” Adam said while squeezing my hand. It was the fifth time he had reassured me since we’d gotten in his truck and made it to the hospital. The calm in his voice was belied by the speed in which he drove. “Sure,” I said, unconvinced as we passed the reception desk and darted for the elevator. Maybe I would believe that if Petey and I hadn’t already dealt with our fair share of shit. Adam couldn’t have known. No matter, he was there to witness part of our lives. He didn’t know. Adam asked for Peter’s room number at the desk, and I chewed on my thumbnail in the painful seconds we waited. “Room 203,” the nurse said. “Thank you,” Adam replied. “Could you tell us how he’s—Dani, wait!” I had pulled my hand from his and rushed to find the room number. “Miss?” the nurse called after me. Hailey stood outside Adam’s door and grabbed my arm. Her face was drawn, green eyes struck with fear. “He’s resting. We can’t go in right now.” I shook my head. “I need to see my brother.” Hailey’s grip tightened. “Danica, there’s nothing we can do.” My vision clouded with the rage her words fueled in me. I shoved her back. “Shut the fuck

up!” “Dani…” Adam’s hand was heavy on my shoulder. “Let go of me.” I tried to shrug him off, but he took my face between his hands, and my vision cleared. “Dani. He’s going to pull through.” Tears blurred my vision. “You don’t know that!” “Miss, you need to move to the waiting room. Hailey, you know you can’t be here,” the nurse said somewhere behind us. “I know, sorry about this,” Hailey said. “Adam, could you bring her? I’ll let y’all know when you can come in.” Adam’s mouth thinned, and his brow lowered as he kept his focus on me. “I’ve got her.” Then to me, he said, “C’mon, Pavlova. I promise you’ll see him.” I tensed but let him lead me away. Something snapped inside when we started to walk away. I’d be damned before I walked away without at least seeing my brother. They didn’t know. I was ten years old again, and Petey was guiding me by the shoulders into Papa’s hospital room to say goodbye. I was afraid of the skeletal, pasty thing waiting in the hospital bed. That wasn’t my papa. I ran from Petey’s arms. I never got to say goodbye.

I choked on a sob and shouldered Adam off again, running back down the hall. I’d always been faster than he was. “Danica!” Hailey jumped back in surprise as I shoved past her and opened the door to Peter’s room. I rested against it once I was inside, and the scene of monitors, tubes, and the bed hit me with the force of a sledgehammer. The sound of Hailey and Adam’s protests echoed from the other side of the door, but I was already across the room. Peter looked far worse than he had earlier that night. How could he deteriorate this fast? I crawled up on the hospital bed, careful of the many wires and cords attached to his body, the tubes keeping his vitals stable. I held his hand in mine. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there,” I whispered. “She can’t be in there!” the nurse argued. “I know, just give her a minute,” Hailey said. “Adam, I thought you had her.” “She needed to see him.” Adam’s voice was hard, and then he was in the room with me. His hand was on my shoulder again, but this time I didn’t feel the need to fight or flee. “Dani?” “I’m sorry,” I said, but my voice broke. “I had to see him.” After a moment, Adam spoke. “We have to go back outside.”

“I know.” I swallowed and then lifted Peter’s hand to my lips. “I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered to him. Then I let Adam take me outside.

HAILEY WAS FURIOUS WITH ME, understandably, since it was her job on the line. In times like these, it helped that Mrs. King was queen bee of the nursing staff. The waiting room was filled with weeping strangers, so Adam sat on the floor next to me in the entrance hall. We leaned against the glass window with the downtown lights glowing behind us. Adam hadn’t said anything since I walked out of the waiting room and picked this spot outside the ward. I couldn’t seem to shut up. “I should have been there with him, when Papa died. Instead, I ran away like a coward.” “You were ten, Dani.” “I should have been there tonight. I should have been there the last ten years. Maybe if I was there, he wouldn’t have worn himself out raising the kids on his own. Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten sick.” Adam covered my knee with his hand and rubbed his thumb over the fabric of my leggings. “You can’t know that.” “I should have been there tonight, Adam.” I curled my legs up and tucked my chin.

“You weren’t running away this time,” he said. I hated how simple things were for him, how blackand-white he saw the world. I wished I could see things so clearly. “I’ve spent most of my time since coming home worrying about you and this stupid town. I should have been looking after the kids. But I’ve been sleeping over at your place.” “What are you saying?” He leaned forward, and I could hear the fear in his question. I knew I would hate myself later for what I said. “Adam, you’ve been there for us, for me. But I can’t be selfish like this anymore.” I gasped when he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. “Don’t do this, Dani, please.” “I’m not running away, Adam. I won’t be like my mother anymore.” His hands threaded through my hair as he brought his forehead to mine. My voice shook. “I’m choosing Peter, for however long I have him. I can’t be there for him and the kids when I’m with you.” A raw sound escaped his lips, a broken sound. His eyes squeezed shut, and he continued to touch me, to pull me closer. I let him pull me into his lap, let him hold me. Somehow, I ended up holding him, running my fingers through his hair. His voice was hoarse when he whispered into my ear. “Is this about what I said earlier?” I love you, Morning Star. His words echoed in

my mind. I tried not to flinch at the reminder. I wasn’t ready to say it back. And now, I couldn’t, not yet. “This is about me keeping my promises,” I whispered back.

HAILEY CAME to fetch us sometime after. Despite what I’d told Adam, he insisted on holding my hand. I didn’t know if it was for my comfort or his. His face was a stony mask, and if I hadn’t seen it myself, I wouldn’t have known he’d been upset moments before. His mask was the only sign that he was breaking on the inside. I knew enough of him now to understand he felt most when he revealed little. I squeezed my best friend’s hand when Hailey went to Peter’s bedside to brush his hair back and kiss his forehead. It was such a simple but genuine gesture, I felt bad for yelling at her earlier. I couldn’t forget she was hurting too. “Honey, Danica came to see you.” Peter turned his head but didn’t open his eyes. Adam let me go so I could sit by my brother’s side. Peter smiled when I held his hand, and his fingers twitched before curling around mine. “I’m here, Petey,” I told him. I looked up to see Hailey’s worried frown smooth as our eyes met. Sorry, I mouthed, and the corners of her mouth

twitched up in a smile as she nodded. “You should get some rest,” I told her. “I can stay here with him if that’s okay?” Hailey shook her head. “Thanks… I had to pull some strings to get them to let you back in here, you know.” “Thanks.” She nodded. “I’ll come back later to check on you.” “I’ll be here.” Remembering Adam, I leaned back, but he was already gone.

20

DANNY’S SONG

“T

he kids are with Mom,” she whispered. After a pause, Peter replied, “You shouldn’t have to do this, Hailey…” Their voices woke me from a serial of nightmares. For one seamless moment, I hung on between sleep and awake. Hailey’s voice was hard. “What are you saying?” Peter sighed. “You didn’t plan on this, on me being this sick.” “Listen to me, Peter Pavlov. I’m not going to repeat myself again. I asked you to marry me. I’m marrying you because I love you. I don’t care if we get two days together or two years.” “But the doctor said—” “Fuck the doctor. And fuck you for acting like

you don’t get two years. I’m not letting you give up that easily.” Peter gasped as Hailey kissed him. I kept my eyes clamped shut and tried to slow my breathing. They whispered sweet things to each other after. It hurt to listen to them. “We’re doing this tomorrow,” Hailey said. “I’m not wasting another day of our lives.” “How can I say no to that face?” “You rest. I need to check on my patients, but I’ll be back in a few hours.” She kissed him again before walking across the room and shutting the door behind her. I counted to thirty before I made a show of stretching and opening my eyes to the dim room. Peter was already watching me with an amused twinkle in his eye. I couldn’t help my smile at seeing this much life in him after last night’s horror. “You didn’t have to pretend to sleep, baby girl,” Peter said. “Shut up.” I pulled out of the uncomfortable reclining chair and went to sit at his bedside. “You think I wanted to interrupt that? It was so damned cute, listening to you playing hard to get.” I squeezed his hand lightly and winked. “I heard you gave the night staff quite a show. You don’t have to stay, you know.” The compassion in his face killed me. I rubbed my sore neck. “Yeah, why the hell

didn’t I sleep in a real bed last night?” “Where’s Adam?” His heavy tone stole my attempt to lighten the mood. I couldn’t think about Adam without squeezing my fist against my chest over the hole his absence left. “Probably working,” I replied with a forced smile. “I should get out of here before Hailey comes back and chases me out for good.” “Try not to give the nurses a heart attack next time you visit, baby girl.” I dropped a kiss on his forehead and grabbed my phone on the way out. “I’ll certainly try.”

I T TOOK me a full ten seconds of standing in the hospital parking lot before I remembered I hadn’t driven last night. I was so determined to stick to my blasé guns that I’d forgotten to ask for a ride home. Too late to save face now, Pavlova. I stamped my heel on the pavement and squeezed my arms to my chest. The black tee hung over one of my shoulders, fell past my hips, and smelled like Adam King. A police cruiser slowed as it pulled up onto the crosswalk in front of me. I pasted on my best smile as the side window rolled down and a familiar ginger called out to me. “Danica Pavlova, as I live and breathe.” “Hey, Justin.”

“You looking for a ride?” “If you don’t mind.” I didn’t hesitate to climb in, though the rebel inside me cringed at the bars behind our heads. “Mind you? You can ride in my cruiser anytime. That is… not that I…” His skin blushed red under his freckles, and I was reminded of the wannabe archeologist, the dino geek. “Is that a promise?” I winked at him and laughed as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Aw, stop teasing me, Danica.” “I’d never tease you, Officer Greene.” When he paused at the turn, I supplied, “Peter’s house.” Justin hummed under his breath and tapped the wheel as we drove to the sound of static and muffled voices filtering through his walkie-talkie. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, and I sighed. “Spit it out, Greene.” “I heard about Peter. I was actually headed over to drop by for a visit when I saw you. How’s he holding up?” “Not so well.” I shifted in my seat and rested my chin on my hand. “Are you okay?” he asked with such sincerity, I couldn’t help but respond. “I’m okay, Justin.” He nodded. “Good, good, and you know, if

there’s anything we can do for you…” The radio blared again, and he paused to listen. “Aw damn it, that’s me. Hang on.” I smiled as I watched him talk to dispatch. All the times we had teased Justin growing up, it’d never soured his spirit. He might have settled on a career outside his dream, but the way he carried himself now, the way he cared for people made it fit. Justin rolled his eyes after he got off the radio. “Had to pawn off that last call.” “Sorry to keep you from your work.” He waved a hand and pulled onto Peter’s street. “You know I had the biggest crush on you, growing up.” “I knew.” He nodded and shrugged. “Course, none of us ever had a real chance with you.” “You never tried.” I winked. Justin laughed. “With Adam King around? He was always watching you, you know.” I squeezed the leather seat. “He was just being protective.” “He was crazy in love with you,” Justin said with a chuckle. “I always figured you two would get hitched right out of high school.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.” He shifted in his seat and kept his face forward, but his skin grew red beneath the freckles.

“Danica, can I say something?” I hesitated a beat too long. “Sure.” Justin pulled the cruiser into Peter’s drive and put it in park. “Folks in this town used to talk about you like they knew you. That first year after Adam’s accident, when he couldn’t walk, it was like your name was a curse. But I never bought into any of the rumors, no matter what Jameson said.” His words shouldn’t have stolen my breath away, but for a moment, they did. I pushed open the passenger door and replied, “Thanks, Justin.” “I guess what I mean to say is, don’t let what people think of you define you. You’re better than that.” I met his gaze and smiled genuinely this time. “I knew there was a reason I always liked you, Justin Greene.” He grinned and nodded. “Let me know if y’all need anything.”

I TRIED NOT to dwell on the fact that Fayetteville hated me while I walked through the kitchen door. But I couldn’t get the image of a crippled Adam, left to deal with the rumors alone, out of my head. I could hear Anya’s laughter as I entered the living room. Adam was fending off attacks from Sasha’s foam sword and Anya’s pink wand. I froze and struggled to paint a pleasant smile

on my face as Adam’s gaze brushed mine. What had he endured to not only command use of his legs again but join the army? He grabbed hold of the tip of Sasha’s sword and pulled it between his side and arm. “Oh no!” “We got you!” Anya crowed and jumped onto his chest. Mrs. King walked downstairs with an empty laundry basket tucked under her arm. “Goodness gracious! Anya, be careful you don’t hurt Adam.” Adam stood up and lifted Anya in his arms. “It’s okay, Mom. I was thinking of taking them to get ice cream. What do y’all think?” “Yes!” Anya agreed. Sasha looked between Mrs. King and me. Mrs. King sighed. “Oh, I guess… Danica?” I swallowed as I felt Adam’s eyes linger on me. “Sure.” Mrs. King pursed her lips and then turned back to the kids. “Don’t spoil their dinner, Adam.” He set Anya down and pulled his keys out of his pocket. “Let’s go before she changes her mind.” I didn’t know I’d been holding my breath until they walked out the front door. How had I missed his truck in the driveway? “Adam came with me to pick the kids up in my car.” Mrs. King set the laundry basket on the couch and squeezed my hand in hers. “Come on, honey, let’s make you a cup of tea.”

I followed her into the kitchen and sank onto the edge of the dining table. The words were out before I could rein them in. “What was it like for Adam after the accident?” Her back tensed only a moment before she continued to ready the tea leaves. “Do you want the easy answer or the truth?” “The truth.” Mrs. King set the kettle onto the stove top. “After you left, he didn’t bother to try at first. He closed off completely and wouldn’t tell us what happened. When you left town, we figured out the rest.” I tucked my chin and waited for the familiar guilt to settle in. “Sweetheart, you have to stop blaming yourself.” I jerked. “What?” Mrs. King eyed me knowingly. “You blame yourself for something that happened ten years ago. You were both children, no matter your feelings. Honey, I know how scary love can be when you’re young. I know what your mother did, and I know what losing poor Alexander did to you and Peter. I want you to know Adam never blamed you, not really. He never let anyone bring you up. If anything, I believe he blames himself.” I shook my head. “He didn’t do anything, though. I’m the one who messed up.”

Mrs. King tapped a nail on the kitchen counter. “You want to know what I think, sugar? Pardon my French, but I think you’ve been using all this bullshit to keep people at arm’s length. I think you’re afraid to let people love you. And honey, I can tell you from personal experience, you don’t want to make that mistake. Otherwise, you may end up alone in your old age like me.” The teapot whistled, and I watched as she poured fresh cups for us both. We drank together in silence while I gathered my courage. “I really screwed up,” I said. “I know, sugar. Now what are you gonna do about it?” I thought of the kids, the way Hailey declared her love to Peter, and the sound Adam made when he held me, begging me not to leave him behind again. I looked up at Mrs. King, who was the only mother I had really known, and smiled.

“AUNT DANI, can we sleep with you?” Anya asked from my bedroom door. Her voice sounded so small and sad, holding none of the exuberance from earlier. “Sure, get over here, minions.” Anya rushed over and crawled into my arms. Sasha moved more slowly and didn’t speak before crawling over both of us to lie on my other side. We lay together in

silence for a long moment. It was just as well that they’d come. I had been stewing over the awkward dinner with Mrs. King and Adam since coming up to bed. “Aunt Dani?” Anya peeped. “Shvibzak?” I teased. She sighed. “Is Papa going to be okay?” Sasha broke in before I could answer. “Of course he isn’t, stupid. That’s the only reason Hailey is marrying him.” “No, it’s not!” Anya protested. “Chill, munchkins. Your papa is doing the best he can to get better, and he’s getting married because he loves Hailey.” “He’s not getting better,” Sasha grumbled at the wall. “You’re not focusing on the right thing here, kid.” He turned to me with defiance blazing in his wide blue eyes. “Oh yeah? What would you know about it?” “I know I was about your age when I lost my papa. He didn’t have half the fighting chance yours does. But we loved him as much as we could while we could. That’s all that matters. That’s all you need to know.” Sasha turned away again and sniffed. I found his hand over the covers and threaded our fingers. Anya snuggled against my side.

“Promise you’ll never leave us, Aunt Dani,” she whispered. I rested my chin on her curls. “I promise I won’t leave, no matter what.”

21

HEROES

“A

unt Dani, wake up!” Anya’s highpitched voice pulled me out of heavy sleep. I groaned when she jumped on my stomach and bounced. “Wake up! Wake up! It’s our wedding day!” We almost butted heads when I sat up in a rush. “What?” Across the hallway, I could hear Mrs. King call, “Anya! Help me pick out a dress!” “Ooh!” Anya leaped off the bed and ran for the door, shouting, “Can I wear my Spider-Man costume?” “Don’t be silly, honey!” I walked into the hall to find Sasha struggling with the straps of his suspenders and muffled a laugh. He gave me a sharp look. “What?” “Nothing, just didn’t know you owned

suspenders.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Mrs. King got them for me last Christmas.” “That’s right, because every young gentleman needs a pair. Right, honey?” Mrs. King walked out of Anya’s bedroom already dressed in floral print, hair done, and makeup styled to perfection. Sasha mumbled in Russian under his breath, and I stifled another laugh behind my hand. Mrs. King paused when she surveyed my chaotic morning curls. “Lord, Danica Pavlova, you look like the hind wheels of destruction. Hurry and get dressed so you can help me with the children. Hailey’s in a tizzy downstairs. We only get exclusive use of the chapel for a half hour and have barely two hours to prepare.” “I’m on it.” I waved her off and reached over to pop Sasha’s suspender strap. I jumped back to avoid his swinging fists.

I HAD to dig through my old wardrobe to find something suitable. Most of my dresses were still in my house in St. Petersburg, and they were either fancy evening wear or the glittering and studded variety. I didn’t think the dress I found at the back of my closet would fit at first. The pale-green silk clung to my hips and flared freely down to my calves. I remembered the day I’d bought it, for a

spring fling dance senior year. I pretended it didn’t matter that Adam had picked it out or that he’d been my date. He won’t remember, I told myself as I helped Anya settle at last on her ballet tutu. It was a win since the little monster had been determined to dress like Spider-Man first and then Batman. Mrs. King threw up her hands. “At least it’s kind of a dress,” I offered. Anya pirouetted on her toe. “I look so beautiful, don’t I, Aunt Dani?” I let her spin on my finger as we came downstairs. “Gorgeous.” We piled into Mrs. King’s SUV. Anya and Sasha argued and bounced in the back seat while I attempted to calm their nerves. “I swear on a stack of bibles, if I have to pull over this car!” Mama King threatened, turning down the back-seat volume. We rushed into the chapel once we arrived at the hospital. I pretended I wasn’t searching for Adam while we walked through the halls. Hailey appeared before I could gather enough courage to ask. Her dress was yellow and, thanks to her blond hair and glowing skin, enhanced her natural beauty. Hailey could be a bitch on a good day in my experience, but today, she spoke softly. “The nurse is bringing Peter down in a few minutes.”

Mrs. King held her daughter by the arms. “Darling, you look stunning.” She kissed her cheek. Hailey smiled. I kept Anya with me and directed the kids to the front of the chapel. “Come on, let’s light some candles.” Sasha’s eyes bugged. “Really? You’re not worried we’ll set something on fire?” I shrugged. “Might make things interesting.” Anya giggled as I showed them how to light the candles without burning their arms off. Sasha was suspiciously good with my lighter. For a splitsecond, I craved the quick burn of a cigarette. Hailey wrung her hands and began to pace. “This is crazy, isn’t it?” “When is love ever sane?” Mrs. King replied. “Brought the flowers!” Adam called as he pushed open the chapel doors. His arms were overflowing with bouquets with get-well cards attached. Hailey laughed as she helped him sort through usable flowers. “Good job, baby brother. I hope this cost you a fortune.” “Love you too, sis.” “My sweet children,” Mrs. King said as she pinched Adam’s cheek. Anya giggled and ran over to join them. “Ooh, Hailey, you look like a princess! Do you like my tutu? Can I have those flowers?”

Hailey scooped Anya up in her arms and tucked a lily in her hair. “Here, you can help me decorate.” They spread flowers around the altar, while Sasha and I finished lighting the rest of the prayer candles. I made an Orthodox cross over my chest as I thanked the man upstairs. Mrs. King and Hailey disappeared quickly after. The chaplain entered with the nurse pushing Peter’s wheelchair. I kept Anya’s shoulders under my hands, while Sasha stood next to Adam. I sucked in a breath as Peter was wheeled between us. His eyes were glued to the chapel doors. He looked so altered, I barely recognized my brother. But there was life and love in his eyes when Hailey and Mrs. King walked through the door. Hailey’s smile was a bright contrast to Peter’s pale, weakened frame. He wore one of Papa’s old suits. The chaplain opened a small book and spoke the familiar words and then paused for their vows. They slipped plain wedding bands on each other’s fingers. “I vow to love you forever.” Peter’s voice was stronger than he appeared. “Whatever that means and for however long. I will cherish every second.” “I know I’m not the easiest person to live with,” Hailey began and choked on her words. “But I vow to love you the way you deserve to be loved.” “You may now kiss the bride,” the chaplain

said. Hailey leaned over to reach Peter, but he held up a hand and gripped his chair with the other. The nurse rushed to help, but he shook his head. “I can do it.” His legs shook as he stood. Sweat broke out across his forehead, and he leaned against Hailey when she stepped into his arms. “You silly bastard,” she whispered. “I love you.” His face contorted at first, but he pushed past his pain and grinned as he kissed her. I sucked in a breath, and for a moment, the world tilted on its axis. Seeing my brother use every ounce of strength he had to kiss the woman he loved was unbearable. It was beautiful and frightening, like lightning and thunder. Combined, their love was powerful, and for a moment, just a moment, I really believed Peter would survive this. I looked at Adam and found him already staring at me as though he too had been thunderstruck and with intrepid uncertainty. Mrs. King was right about me using my mother to keep people at arm’s length. Hailey was right to love Peter enough to marry him for what precious time they had left. Adam was right too, about many things, but more importantly, I was wrong. The worst part was I had done the thing I’d tried to accomplish, and now it was too late—too late to take it back. The kids cheered as Hailey wheeled Peter out

of the chapel. As they passed us by, I grabbed my brother’s hand and squeezed it tightly. He pulled me to him with surprising strength and, against my ear, whispered in Russian, “Let him love you, baby girl.” His lips brushed my cheek, and I pulled away to find Adam’s retreating back in my line of sight. He kept a hand on either child’s shoulder as they raced after Peter and Hailey. I glanced back at the altar with its scattered get-well flowers and candles and hesitated. “All right, give them some space, children!” Mrs. King waved her handkerchief with a dismissive hand. I jumped when she thrust the kerchief in my face. “Wipe away those runs, hon. This is a day for smiles.” I nodded as though I agreed, but inside, I thought quite the opposite. Today is a day for goodbyes.

I CHASED Anya through the upstairs bedrooms as she insisted on sleeping in her tutu, and I insisted on a bath. “Can’t make me, Aunt Dani!” She ducked under Sasha’s desk, where he currently sat working with his science kit. Note to self: Pay better attention to his little experiments before he blows the house up. “Anya, get the hell away from my desk!” Sasha

gripped a bubbling glass beaker and twisted to avoid his sister. I flicked his head. “Don’t make me wash your mouth out, kid.” I grinned when he rolled his eyes and focused on his notes. I ducked under to grab my niece by the leg and proceeded to drag her out of the room. “Aunt Dani, you’ll rip my tutu!” “Guess you should have thought of that before you started this.” She shrieked as I pulled her into the ready bath, tutu and all. After a few tears and a promise to wash it properly later, she settled in with her bubbles and superhero dolls. I sat on the floor against the porcelain tub and tried not to think about today. “When are Papa and Hailey coming back?” “Remember, they have to stay at the hospital a few more nights. They’ll be home soon.” After a lengthy pause, wherein more bubbles dissolved with the water, she asked, “And when they come back, are you gonna go?” I lifted my gaze to find a very serious look on her cherub face. I smiled and tried to summon the ready laughter, but there was something in her big baby blues that demanded truth. Children are a lot smarter than adults give them credit for. They see and feel things with sharper, unfiltered clarity. I know this because I remembered my past with unforgiving accuracy.

“I don’t know. Wasn’t planning on leaving anytime soon, but now I’m not so sure.” I shrugged and tried to grin. “Guess we’ll have to wait and see what your Papa and Hailey think.” “Okay, Aunt Dani,” Anya whispered. She didn’t fight me the rest of the evening as I ordered them to get ready for bed. Once she was snuggled in her covers, she looked up at me again with an almost adult expression. Instead of a Baba Yaga story, she asked for truth. “Remember the pretty cards your mommy sent you?” she began and waited for me to acknowledge before she continued. “Do you think my mommy will ever send me presents again?” I wanted to reach across the states and wring Peter’s ex with my fists. “I know one thing for sure, Anya Pavlova. I will always send you presents.” Anya smiled. “Promise?” I ran my fingers through her sweet-smelling curls and wondered if this fierce love was what mothers should feel for their children. I wondered if Hailey could feel like this too for my niece and nephew and if her love could make up for their mother’s mistakes. I kissed my niece on the forehead and replied, “I promise.”

I SAT on the floor of my childhood bedroom and stared at the open suitcase. There had never seemed to be a dull enough moment to unpack my clothes since I’d arrived. In truth, it had only been a few weeks. I had lived in more than one foreign country for that amount of time. But it was drawing dangerously near to the point of no return, that moment when I had to empty the suitcase and go back to living out of closets and drawers. I grabbed a fistful of wrinkled shirts and looked over at my chest of drawers. My high school wardrobe was still in there, like the T-shirt I’d worn to after-prom with Adam and the shorts I’d ripped while climbing the fence to get to his house the night of his accident. A faint knock sounded at my door. “Just a second,” I called, picturing Anya frightened from another nightmare. Tonight, I didn’t think I would mind her crawling into bed with me. Before I could stand, the door opened, and a tall figure stepped from the shadows into the lamplight. I gasped, bracing my hands on the suitcase and open dresser drawer. Adam still wore his wedding tux, though the suit jacket looked rumpled, as if he had slept in it. He hesitated as he took in my clothes and the green dress thrown haphazardly on the bed. “Going somewhere?” He arched an eyebrow and shut the door with a firm click behind him.

I froze and stared at my mess. “No. Yes. I mean, I—don’t know yet.” I shrugged and tried to smile up at him. “You can’t leave,” he insisted. “Is that so?” I felt my natural inclination rise, that fight-or-flight instinct that got the better of me every time. The same instinct that had ruined my mother’s life and would forever haunt mine. That damned wandering gypsy syndrome. I hated that he thought the worst of me. You only have yourself to blame, Zvezda. I stood, determined to be on equal footing with Adam. “I’m a grown-ass woman now, Adam. I can make my own decisions.” “No.” His beautiful eyes seemed to burn like blue fire. “No?” I laughed and glanced down at the loose thin shirt and my breasts poking through the cotton. “You may be grown up, but you don’t get to make these kinds of decisions on your own. Not since you decided to come back into our lives.” “The kids will be fine, Adam.” He shook his head. “You won’t be.” “They have Hailey now, your mom, you.” “We can’t replace you, Dani.” He stepped into my personal space, and I could see the rapid rise and fall of his chest, the way his pupils dilated as he took me in. My pulse rose to match his, and I craned my neck, refusing to back down and quite

conscious of the fact that he was too close. His voice deepened as he added, “No one can ever replace you.” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “Adam…” My words became tangled when his fingers slipped around my neck and threaded through my hair. Firmly and somehow gently at the same time, he said, “You were wrong before.” “Adam,” I interrupted. He shook his head. “I know you may think the kids don’t need you, but you’re wrong. They need you to stay. I need you to stay. You were wrong before, to push me away. I shouldn’t have let you, but I was scared if I pushed too hard, you’d run.” “I know, Adam,” I said and tried to pull his hand down. He took hold of my face with both hands and continued, almost desperate. “Do you?” His eyes searched mine, while his fingers traced patterns down my neck, my back. With each second, he took possession of me with each touch. I reached up to take his face between my hands and smiled at my stupid, gorgeous best friend. “Yes, dumb ass, I knew at the wedding. I’m not moving back to Petersburg. I’m trying to decide on whether to get my own place or not, now that Peter and Hailey are married.” The worry lines about his face smoothed, and

his mouth fell open in brief surprise. “Your own place?” he clarified. I nodded and watched as his disbelief transformed into something rare and wonderful. Adam smiled, and I could see both then—the boy I had loved and the man I couldn’t live without. “Bullshit,” he said. “Excuse me?” I tried to shrug him off, but his grip on my waist tightened, and he loomed over me with a shit-eating grin. “You’re coming to live with me.” “When pigs fly, King.” “You’re moving in.” I laughed, but it was becoming difficult to hide my joy beneath sarcasm. “Don’t you think we’re rushing things a little? I haven’t been back two months yet. How do you know—” He kissed me, not on the lips, but at the juncture between my neck and shoulder and traced a line to my pulse with his tongue. He stole my breath away, and I cursed in Russian. I had not been able to say no to him since the day he grabbed my hand in third grade and said we were going to be best friends. Against my ear, he whispered, “I wanna hear you say it.” He pulled on my earlobe with his teeth, and I shivered. “Damn you, Adam King.” “I’m not wasting one more second of our lives,

Morning Star.” His arms tensed about my waist. He lifted me until our foreheads touched and our gazes were level. “I love you, Adam King.” I said it, and I didn’t see fireworks. The world did not end, and I didn’t feel the telltale urge to run far and fast away from him. I felt relief, and the only thing I saw was my reflection in Adam’s eyes. For the first time, I knew belonging. I kissed him hard, deeply, until I forgot myself. His hands were clumsy at my shirt, and I felt the tug, then tear, as he pulled it over my head and ripped part of the arm in his effort. He whispered between kisses, reminding me the kids were across the hall, “You wore the green dress…” “You remembered?” I gasped as he took a nipple into his mouth and tugged my underwear down my thigh. He nodded and lifted his heavy-lidded gaze with a lazy grin. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t praying and hoping we’d do this after that stupid dance.” I slapped him on his lightly freckled shoulder. “You pervert!” He trailed kisses along my naval and murmured, “Guilty. We were sixteen, Dani. What did you expect?” “I was sixteen. You were only fifteen.” He spread my thighs apart, and I bit my lip while

grabbing hold of his hair and the suitcase beside us. I lost my shit when he hummed his agreement against my inner thigh. After that, there was no more room for talk or much thought. I made love to him and managed to forget my past guilt and shame and let us simply be. Sex had always been some form of control for me in a lifetime of mistakes. For ten years, I counted Adam King on that list. That night he helped me forget the fact that I was not my mother, that I always had a choice. He showed me with actions and words that it really was all right to forgive not only each other but ourselves.

22

I & LOVE & YOU

T

he Kings’ farmhouse was filled with Anya’s squeals as the Brewers’ kids chased her. I nearly tripped over my niece as she ran for the back door. “Pomedlenneye!” I called after her. “Prosti!” Anya apologized. As the Brewers’ kids followed, I ran to reach the house phone ringing in the kitchen. “Hello?” I asked, breathless from running down the stairs. I was starting to regret my offer to babysit both families’ offspring. “Dobroye utro! How are you, baby girl?” I smiled. He sounded better than the last time he’d called. “Surviving. How about you? Hailey hasn’t put you back in the hospital yet, has she?” Peter chuckled. “You are wicked.” “Which is why you love me,” I sang and crossed to the kitchen window to look out over the

Kings’ yard. The kids were climbing the same tree Adam used to fall out of every summer. “How are the kids?” he asked after a pause. “They’re little demons, but I have the advantage. I used to be worse than all of them.” I smiled again hearing my brother’s laugh. Once, I would have done anything to make him laugh. Now I thanked God he was still here and had enough life to spend a brief honeymoon with Hailey at the local bed and breakfast. “Adam still helping you?” “Is this your way of keeping tabs on our relationship? Because if it is, you suck at subtlety, Pete.” “What kind of brother would I be if I didn’t threaten him now and again?” “Sure, sure. Well, for your information, the sex is great. Adam is at the shop and should be home in an hour.” Peter groaned. “Too much…” “You asked,” I replied. “Ah, shit! Anya fell out of that damned tree.” “What?” “Don’t worry, I’ve got this, Petey. Love you, bye!” I hung up before he could protest and darted out the door.

C ALEB B REWER

DROPPED

Adam off at the Kings’

farmhouse two hours later. Turned out the men took advantage of their freedom and smoked a couple of cigars. “Had to celebrate King finally winning you over, Pavlova!” Caleb crowed at me while his two girls squealed and jumped into the back seat of his SUV. “Tell Andi we’re having ladies’ night out next Friday, will you, asshat?” I waved my fingers after him. Caleb winked and waved at Adam, who was fending off attacks from Sasha and Anya. “Okay, munchkins, time to eat supper,” I said. Adam grinned up at me, while the kids groaned. Sasha wrinkled his nose. “Are you cooking tonight?” “What? Don’t think I can deliver chicken and rice? The recipe seemed easy enough.” Anya giggled. “You don’t cook, Aunt Dani!” “Who says?” “Adam said so,” she replied in a singsong voice back to me. The kids raced up the front steps of the King farmhouse. I placed a firm hand on Adam’s chest, stopping him on the bottom step, and looked down my nose at him. “Just a minute, King. What lies are you spreading to these poor children?” He covered my hand with his and smiled that damned gorgeous smile of his. His teeth were white

enough, though not perfectly straight. His jaw was full of a beard he had begun the day I agreed to be his girl for good. His nose was slightly long but perfectly divided his face. Yet those eyes were what haunted me, the eyes that first promised me forever, which drew me in. I used to tease him by calling them purple when we were little. He hated the fact that any part of him was considered “beautiful.” Boys are handsome, not beautiful, dummy! he used to argue. He took two more steps until our eyes were level and moved his hands to circle my waist. “You’ll only ever get the truth from me, Zvezda.” “Don’t say that name so loud! You want the whole town to hear that name?” “I love that name.” He kissed the tip of my nose, and I wrinkled it in response. “Please stop, I’m going to choke on this much sweetness. Quick, say something mean or sarcastic.” “You’re a bitch.” He deadpanned, eyes serious, lip twitching at the corner. I jabbed him in the chest with my fist. “You’re an ass.” “I love you.” He kissed my lips. I smiled and slipped my arms around his neck. “Much better.” “Are we eating dinner, or are y’all just gonna

make out?” Sasha grumbled from the other side of the screen door. “Ew!” Anya squealed from behind him. “Take a picture; it’ll last longer!” I called over my shoulder and kissed my boyfriend again. Somehow, the gagging sounds coming from the kids made the moment.

MRS. KING WAS WORKING the night shift, making up for hours she had missed during Peter’s relapse. The house ran a lot less smoothly when she was absent, but Adam and I did our best to round up the kids. They slept on twin beds in the guest room. Half of their things and our old toys filled the room. They told me they’d spent a good bit of time over here before I came back to the States. Hailey’s and Adam’s rooms were still intact. I sat on the floor next to Anya’s bed, while Sasha already had curled up and faced the wall, pretending not to listen to tonight’s Russian folktale. “You have to tell me tonight,” Anya said while waving a plush wand through the air. It was much safer than the evil, sparkled stick she fancied smacking Sasha with. I groaned. “Can’t we do another Baba Yaga?” Anya lifted her chin and shook her head. “Nope, you promised, and I want to hear it

tonight.” I pretended to contemplate and then sighed. “Okay. Just this once, right? It’s embarrassing, you know.” She looked up at the projected stars on the ceiling. “I think it’s romantic.” I rolled my eyes and started to tell her the evils of believing in fairy tales and romance. Then I thought of Adam and smiled. “Once upon a time, my papa and mama met at a festival in St. Petersburg. He was from a very old and wealthy family. They had lived in the capital for centuries and survived the many wars that killed much of their extended family by using their wealth and cleverness. My papa, Alexander, did not care about his family fortune or his title. He loved the old tales, wanted to study the history and their origins. To please his family, he married a woman from another wealthy family, and they were happy for a time. His first wife died in a car accident when their boy, Peter, was a small child. For many years, Peter lived with Alexander’s parents because he was lost without Peter’s mother. He lived a quiet life, teaching at university. One night, he went with some old friends to a gypsy carnival. They teased him until he went into a tent, where my mama was giving Tarot readings. She knew their future the moment she saw him— that they were meant to fall in love and be

together.” Anya interrupted, “And they had you!” “Shh! Don’t interrupt her,” Sasha hissed from his side of the room. Anya stuck her tongue out at him. “As I was saying, they fell in love, and yes, they had me soon after they met. They named me after the morning star because it was the first star they wished on together.” “And they lived happily ever after?” Anya asked. “Obviously not, stupid,” Sasha grumbled. “Want me to finish this story?” “Sorry,” Sasha said. “The truth is, not everyone gets to live happily ever after. Sometimes, they only get to live happily for a time. My mama had led a nomadic lifestyle for so long, staying in one place was difficult for her. My papa told me how much she loved me, but how it broke him when she left. I used to believe she did it because she loved us and didn’t want to let her unhappiness ruin us.” “You came to America after that?” Anya pitched in. I grinned. “Yep. I was eight years old, and Peter was eighteen. Papa came to teach at the university here. I hated America. My English wasn’t so good since I was used to speaking mostly Russian. Peter had already been to school and had less trouble

fitting in, but I learned from our papa at home. I didn’t know many children my age. My first day of school, I met Adam. He told me we were going to be best friends, and that’s exactly what happened.” “And now you’re in love,” Anya teased. “Yeah…” “Will you live happily ever after? Will Papa and Hailey?” she asked. I turned when I heard a creak at the doorway and saw Adam waiting in the shadows. In that moment, I tried to believe in hope, to help them believe what I struggled with all my life. I decided then and there they wouldn’t have to question true love like I had. We could show them, all of us. I smiled as I turned back to my niece and smoothed back her wild curls. “We can live happily as long as we choose, I think. It won’t always be easy. But if we all try to love each other, we can write the best ending to our stories.” Anya reached up her arms and kissed my cheek while I kissed her. “I love you, Aunt Dani.” “Love you too, shvibzak.” I moved to Sasha’s side of the room, and he glared at me. “Don’t you dare kiss me.” “I wouldn’t dream of it, kid.” We shared a slight secret smile. I pulled Adam after me and shut their bedroom door.

ADAM HELD me in the bed we’d shared our first time. It felt surreal lying beside him here again. We were a far cry from the kids we had been. That we’d somehow made it here after everything was miraculous, or maybe it was inevitable. “What are you thinking about, Morning Star?” His lips brushed against my ear. I shivered and snuggled closer to him. “The past, the future, sentimental shit, you know.” “Yeah?” “Yeah… Like maybe we were destined to be here like this together no matter what choices we made.” “I knew it was inevitable, loving you.” “Guess that means we’re soul mates.” “I like to think so.” I turned around in his arms and circled his waist with my arm. “You always were the romantic one.” He smiled, and that haunted look I’d seen so often when I first came home was barely a flicker in his eye. “When I woke up the night after you left, it was like I had nothing of myself left. I knew I’d never be right again without you.” “That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?” I teased and trailed my fingers up his chest. He caught my hand in his and pressed it to his mouth. “I’m the romantic one, remember?” He

smiled, but his eyes held a question. I tilted my head back and kissed him. “This is for keeps, you and me.” “Promise?” I nodded and squealed when he attacked my chest and neck with kisses. His strong arms lifted me up and trapped me against him. I rolled my hips against his and savored his groan. With a free hand, I reached between us to push his shorts down, and he helped to strip us bare. I touched him everywhere with kisses, and his hands squeezed, reached for me, and pulled me closer. He rolled until he straddled my waist, and I helped guide him in. We sighed as we came together, as we came home to each other, the only home we had truly found. We came together in an imperfect blend of flesh and teeth and tongues. In that perfect moment after, we held each other, and I whispered the words I would never run from again. “I love you.”

EPILOGUE WHITE UNICORN

P

eter had had one request in the final months before he died, that I take the kids to St. Petersburg. He wanted them to see our homeland, where their grandparents came from and our home. “You’ll show them yourself, Petey,” I had teased back. My brother had known better. It had been two years since I left Europe behind for America. My father’s house in the city was still intact and filled with half my wardrobe and furniture. The house that had felt so empty for so long was like home again with Adam, Hailey, and the kids there. I knew then I would have been miserable without them. Coming home to Petersburg wouldn’t have felt right any other way. Snow fell in soft waves over us as we walked

the streets of my city. The kids were enamored with the carnival that had rolled into town the other day and insisted on returning. I laughed as they pretended not to know the language with the carnies. Anya would pretend until they managed to hustle the carnies right back and then burst into perfect Russian. “I love Petersburg, Aunt Dani! Can we stay here forever?” “We can visit anytime you want, shvibzak.” Sasha hung back with Adam. “Not me. I’m gonna run Papa’s garage when I grow up, right Uncle Adam?” Adam grinned at me. “If it’s okay with your mother.” Hailey shifted her nine-month-old baby to her other hip. “Sure, we’re counting on you to make the big bucks, anyway.” My baby niece, Petra, waved her mitten-covered hands at the carousel. “Y’all want to go for a ride?” Anya jumped up and down. “I wanna ride the unicorn!” Sasha muttered under his breath. “Too old for this…” Adam led him by the shoulders. “Aw, c’mon, Sasha, you know you’re never too old. Am I right, Zvezda?” He batted his pretty eyes at me, and I glared daggers back. He knew better than to call me by my first name.

Hailey interjected before I could answer. “Danica, could you hold her for a minute?” “Of course.” I didn’t need an excuse to hold my niece. I held back with her as Hailey stood in line with Adam and the kids. Adam winked at me as he helped set Anya on the white unicorn and Hailey climbed onto a horse beside Sasha’s dragon. I swayed with Petra to the carnival music and grinned as she blew bubbles and held my cheek with her tiny hand. We gave Petra the credit for Peter’s joy. She was the reason he’d held on as long as he did, longer than all his doctors had expected. Every time I looked into her periwinkle-blue eyes, I saw her namesake—I saw my brother’s joy. I didn’t realize I was humming a familiar lullaby until Petra laid her covered head on my shoulder. It was the same Roma tune my mother had sung to me once. I couldn’t remember the words, but the thought of her with the carnival, the city… A strong feeling came over me, like the night Adam and I had slept together in his bed, when destiny and fate had seemed so clear and obvious. I felt as though we were meant to be at this point, in this place in time, like everything had led us here. From my parents’ failed romance, my mother’s abandonment leading us to America and the King family, and finally back to St. Petersburg. I had spent most of my life feeling out of place, struck by the same wanderlust my mother had

passed on. With Petra in my arms, my family laughing and smiling before me, the love of my life here with me in my city, I felt lifelong longing abate. I felt joy.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I set about writing this novel as a challenge to myself and a joke. While I do enjoy the contemporary romance genre, I often have laughed at the melodrama and tropes. So I thought writing She Walks in Moonlight would be easy. I even planned on hamming up the more heated moments and didn’t take the romance seriously. Until I started writing it and discovered the real story. Danica’s story as the fallen girl who just wants to come home, who is just looking for a second chance, started to hit home for me. Especially once her big brother, Peter, makes his life-changing phone call. What started as a simple secondchances romance soon became so much more. This story captured my heart and has taught me so much along the way. Also, coincidentally, while writing and sharing chapters of this story with my beta

reader, her parents were diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly the struggles Danica and Peter and their family go through became personal to me. Which is why I wanted to dedicate this novel to Melissa and her family. To all the families who have lost loved ones, who sit at their parent’s and sibling’s and loved one’s bedsides, hoping and praying they get well. To those who have lost hope in their lives, don’t ever give up. Live each day one breath at a time and love with everything you have. There is always room for second chances, to right wrongs, and to come home. This book belongs to you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jennifer Silverwood was raised deep in the heart of Texas and has been spinning yarns a mile high since childhood. In her spare time, she reads and writes and tries to sustain her wanderlust, whether it's the Carpathian Mountains in Transylvania, the highlands of Ecuador, or a road trip to the next town. Always on the lookout for her next adventure, in print or reality, she dreams of one day proving to the masses that everything really is better in Texas. She is the author of two series—Heaven's Edge and Wylder Tales—and the stand-

alone titles Stay and Silver Hollow. For more about books, writing, and beauty, visit: WEBSITE | BLOG | TWITTER | FACEBOOK | GOODREADS

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