Thought versus Feeling List

Thought versus Feeling List What you THINK others are doing to you. Victim words. These feelings and needs are suggestions only: This list is neither complete nor definitive. It is intended as an aid to translate words, which are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. Created by Wisconsin International Intensive Participants, April 2000. Edited by Susan Skye, Milli O'Nair and Carsten Sundby Nielsen.

Evaluative Word

Feeling(s) might be

Need(s) might be

Abandoned

Terrified, hurt, bewildered, sad, frightened, lonely. Upset, frustrated, frightened.

Nurturing, connection, belonging, support, caring. Caring, nurturing, support, emotional or physical wellbeing, consideration. Acceptance, inclusion, connection, community, belonging, contribution. Safety. Consideration, autonomy, to be seen, acknowledgment, appreciation. Accountability, causality, fairness, respect, justice. Autonomy, choice, safety, consideration. Autonomy, choice, freedom.

Abused Not accepted Attacked Belittled Blamed Bullied Caged / trapped / boxed in Cheated Coerced Cornered Criticised Discounted / diminished Disliked Distrusted Dumped on Excluded Harassed Hassled Ignored Insulted Interrupted Intimidated Invisible Left out Let down Manipulated

Upset, scared, frightened, annoyed. Scared, angry. Angry, frustrated, tense, distressed. Scared, confused, hostile, bewildered, hurt. Angry, scared, pressured. Angry, thwarted, scared, anxious. Hurt, angry. Frustrated, frightened, thwarted, scared. Scared, anxious, thwarted. Hurt, scared, anxious, frustrated, embarrassed. Hurt, angry, embarrassed, frustrated. Sad, lonely, hurt, anxious. Sad, frustrated. Angry, overwhelmed. Sad, lonely, anxious. Angry, frustrated, frightened. Irritated, distressed, angry. Lonely, scared, hurt, sad, embarrassed. Embarrassed, angry. Frustrated, hurt. Hurt, frustrated, angry. Sad, lonely, scared. Sad, lonely, anxious. Disappointed, frightened, sad. Scared, powerless, frustrated, thwarted.

Honesty, fairness, justice, trust, reliability. Choice, autonomy, freedom. Autonomy, freedom. Understanding, acknowledgment, recognition, respect. Need to matter, acknowledgment, inclusion, recognition, respect. Connection, appreciation, understanding, acknowledgment, friendship, inclusion. Trust, honesty. Respect, consideration, peace. Inclusion, belonging, community. Respect, space, consideration, peace. Serenity, autonomy, choice, calm, space. Connection, belonging, inclusion, participation, communication, to be heard. Respect, consideration, to be heard. To be heard, respect, consideration. Appreciated, respect, acknowledgment. To be seen and heard, inclusion, belonging. Inclusion, belonging, community, connection. Consistency, trust, support, dependability. Autonomy, empowerment, trust, equality, freedom, choice, connection, genuineness.

Carsten Sundby Nielsen – Joy of Life Connection – [email protected]

Marginalised

Frustrated, sad, lonely, distressed. Sad, disappointed. Frustrated, upset. Lonely, scared, anxious.

Mistrusted Misunderstood Neglected Overpowered Overworked Patronised Pressured Provoked Put down Rejected Ripped off / screwed

Smothered / suffocated Taken for granted

Helpless, confused, anxious. Tired, frustrated, exhausted. Frustrated, annoyed, stressed. Anxious, overwhelmed. Frustrated, angry. Embarrassed, sad, annoyed. Hurt, sad, scared, disappointed. Disappointed, angry.

Trampled

Frustrated, fearful, desperation. Sad, hurt, angry, disappointed. Scared, frightened, alarmed, agitated, anxious. Frustrated, overwhelmed.

Tricked Unappreciated

Embarrassed, resentful. Sad, hurt, frustrated.

Unheard Unloved Unseen Unsupported Unwanted Used Victimised Violated Wronged

Sad, frustrated. Bewildered, sad, frustrated. Sad, anxious, frustrated. Sad, hurt. Sad, anxious, frustrated. Sad, angry, resentful. Frightened, helpless. Sad, agitated, anxiety. Hurt, irritated, resentful.

Threatened

Inclusion, belonging, community, connection. Trust. Understanding, clarity, to be heard. Connection, inclusion, participation, community, care, consideration. Equality, justice, autonomy, freedom. Respect, consideration, rest, caring. Recognition, equality, equity, respect, mutuality. Relaxation, clarity, space, consideration. Respect, consideration. Respect, acknowledgment, understanding. Belonging, inclusion, closeness, to be seen, acknowledgment, trust, respect. Consideration, justice, fairness, acknowledgment, recognition, consideration. Space, freedom, autonomy, authenticity, self expression. Appreciation, acknowledgment, recognition, consideration. Safety, autonomy. Empowerment, connection, community, equality, respect, equity. Integrity, trust, honest. Appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, consideration. To be heard, understanding, empathy. Love, appreciation, empathy, connection. Acknowledgment, appreciation, to be seen. Support, understanding, cooperation. Belonging, inclusion, caring. Autonomy, equality, consideration. Empowerment, mutuality, safety, justice. Privacy, safety, trust, space, respect. Respect, justice, trust, safety, fairness.

Carsten Sundby Nielsen – Joy of Life Connection – [email protected]