Twisted Mind (Chequered Flag #2 - Mia Hoddell

Twisted Mind Chequered Flag, Book 2 Mia Hoddell

Twisted Mind Copyright © 2015 by Mia Hoddell. All rights reserved. First Print Edition: March 2016

Limitless Publishing, LLC Kailua, HI 96734 www.limitlesspublishing.com Formatting: Limitless Publishing ISBN-13: 978-1-68058-528-5

ISBN-10: 1-68058-528-2 No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely

coincidental.

Dedication For Lauren Thank you for all of the support over the years. Whether it was to listen to me drone on in History or to be one of the first to buy my books, it means the world to me. I can’t thank you enough for sticking with me.

Table of Contents Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-One Chapter Twenty-Two Chapter Twenty-Three Chapter Twenty-Four Chapter Twenty-Five Chapter Twenty-Six Chapter Twenty-Seven Chapter Twenty-Eight Chapter Twenty-Nine Chapter Thirty Chapter Thirty-One Chapter Thirty-Two Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four Epilogue

Chapter One Dustin “Elora, open the door.” I hammered on the cherry red wood and the door rattled under the constant pounding.

“Elora!” I ceased all movement for a second, listening for the slightest sign of life on the other side. I knew she was in there. Her car was the only one left on her parents’ driveway and Elora never walked anywhere. If she refused to let me in I seriously considered breaking the damned thing down because what I needed to say couldn’t wait. I’d driven straight from Teo’s race at Silverstone. Seeing Raine fight her fears for my brother brought everything in my life into perspective. I wanted what they had. I wanted someone worth fighting for, and Elora wasn’t that person. Hell, I’d tried to make her the one. I

really had. However, it wasn’t working and I was stupid if I thought it ever would. Seeing Raine with Teo over the last few weeks only forced me to confront what really remained between me and Elora. Nothing. That was it. There may have been lust at the start of our relationship, but it soon fizzled out. The only thing left now was a doomed relationship filled with violence and an unhealthy rate of break-ups and make-ups. Everyone else saw it, yet I had been dumb enough to believe her capable of change. If it wasn’t for the baby I’d have cut all contact weeks ago. I knew, however,

that I couldn’t leave my child—born or unborn—alone with her. That wasn’t a risk I could ever take with a life so innocent and fragile. If I wasn’t around to take the hits, then who would? Regardless, I could no longer be the victim. I wouldn’t leave my child defenceless or without a father, and if I had to fight for custody I would. However, I’d reached my limit of the amount of abuse I could take. I had enough evidence to prove how abusive Elora could be and I refused to put my child in a situation where it would grow up in a household with parents who despised each other. I didn’t want it growing up hearing what violence sounded like, and I definitely didn’t

want my child to ever become the victim. He or she wasn’t even born and already I had begun to adjust my life to accommodate the child. A protective desire stronger than anything I’d ever felt burned within me and whenever I thought of harm coming to my baby my rage became uncontrollable. The fucked up situation between us needed to be resolved before the baby was born, and that was why I found myself standing on Elora’s doorstep, demanding she answer me. “Elora, I know you’re home. Open the damned door!” Finally, muffled cursing and the shuffling of feet came from the other

side. When the door opened, tortured eyes greeted me. Pain-filled and sleep deprived, faint red rings circled them like she had been crying. For once her body looked frail. Her arms hugged her mid-section, though all of the actions appeared feeble. My mind shot into overdrive, blowing my prepared break-up speech out of my head. “What’s wrong? Is it the baby?” Elora stiffened. It was only a minute difference, yet since I’d been deliberately scrutinising her movements I noticed. I studied her intently, trying to figure out what had happened in the space of a day and a sliver of guilt filtered into her gaze before a single

blink erased it. “Elora, what’s going on?” “Uh…we need to talk.” A sickening apprehension churned in my gut. Nothing good ever came of those words. Dustin, we need to talk about our relationship. I don’t think it’s going anywhere. Dustin, I’m sorry I hit you. I’ll never do it again. Dustin, please take me back. I promise I’ll never do it again. The past phrases that all started with the words ‘we need to talk’ wouldn’t leave me alone. Although, this time it felt worse than all of them. I couldn’t explain why, only the uneasiness seizing

my joints warned me Elora was about to turn my world upside down yet again. Stepping around her, I walked cautiously into the living room. Not able to bring myself to sit down, I folded my arms, widened my stance, and fixed Elora with a steely glare. “Tell me what’s going on. Is it the baby?” She stalked over to the sofa and dropped down onto it with a huff. “There’s nothing for you to worry about anymore.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “It means I’ve taken care of everything.” Icy tendrils started to creep around my heart, smothering it in paralysing fear

as her words sank in. “What have you done, Elora?” She waved a hand at me dismissively. “You can go now. I’m no longer your concern.” I straightened my lips into a tight, thin line and my nostrils flared. “What about the baby? That sure as hell is my concern. If you think for one second I’m allowing you to keep me from my child then—” “There is no baby, Dustin.” I sucked in a sharp breath. My entire body tensed and I pressed my balled fists against my legs. Blood pounded in my ears, a rapid thundering to push the rage through my body so not even an inch remained left untainted.

“Fuck, Elora! What were you thinking? What were you going to do when you were meant to start showing? Did you honestly think you could try to trap me with another fake pregnancy?” Her gaze darkened. “That was one time! Are you really still hung up on it?” “Let me think. My girlfriend claimed to be pregnant to try and get a ring out of me. Then when I failed to follow the plan she transformed into an abusive bitch. And now she’s at it again. What do you think?” Crimson bled across her face. “No, Dustin. I really was pregnant this time.” The tightness in my chest constricted further. “You said was…” She fixed me with a nonchalant gaze,

like she was talking about something as simple as a visit to a salon, and said, “I had an abortion.” Like Elora had physically hit me, I stumbled back and shook my head. While I wanted to believe she wouldn’t do something so life changing and vindictive, this was Elora. “Tell me you’re lying. Tell me this is another fucked up game you’ve invented to give yourself a kick,” I ground out, trying to hold onto the fury rapidly burning away the shock to consume me. “I couldn’t do it.” I inhaled deeply, bringing a hand up to pinch my nose while I closed my eyes. When I reopened them I held Elora’s indifferent expression with a challenging

glare. “Tell. Me. You’re. Lying.” “I can’t. I had an abortion.” The words sliced into my heart, white hot pain ripping through my chest and spilling to the rest of my limbs. “And you didn’t think to talk to me first? You just went ahead and murdered my baby?” “It was my choice to make and I didn’t feel ready.” Not even a speck of remorse flowed from her words, the natural urge to defend herself taking over the tiny amount of humanity in her body. “I can’t forgive you for this, Elora. I ignored everything else you put me through because of our child. What you’ve done…” I raised a hand to my

hair, pulling on the roots and barely containing the desire to punch something as the grief snowballed in my chest. “We’re done. Stay the fuck away from me and my family or I will go to the police for harassment and assault.” She gripped my wrist to prevent me from leaving. “I did this for you. I thought you’d understand.” I whirled around, not realising she’d moved so close. Her body almost pressed up against mine, her face inches from me. I jerked my hand free from her hold. “For me? How could any of this possibly be for me?” I roared. “And what the fuck is there to understand other than you’re completely bat-shit crazy

and have no regard for anyone other than yourself?” Her palm collided with my cheek and my head snapped to the side from the force of the blow. Instantly, a stinging pain radiated out from the point of impact. “I knew you only stuck around because of that baby! I’m cutting you free because you never wanted me.” She curled her fingers against my cheek, her nails digging into my skin as she forced me to look at her. I could have easily broken her grip. However, not once had I ever laid a hand on her, and even if I wanted to, I never would. “So what if I didn’t want you? I sure

as hell didn’t stick around to be used as a punching bag because I enjoyed it. Our baby was the only one who had my love.” With a demented cry she drew her nails down my skin. A searing pain flowed down the trails she’d left. Then her fists found my chest. She pummelled them against me, pushing and shoving me backwards. “You bastard!” Hit. “You fucking,” shove, “piece of shit!” Smack. “I’m glad I got rid of it.” Punch. “You’d have been a shit father.” With palms outstretched she moved to

push me and I caught her wrists loosely. I prevented them reaching my chest, circling them in one hand. Stepping forward, I used my extra height and strength to force her back to the sofa. “Sit. Down,” I growled and when she refused to comply I hardened my voice further. “Now, or I’m calling the police.” Her knees buckled and Elora collapsed on the sofa. Her eyes cleared minutely and she blinked to focus on me. I could feel blood starting to pool in the channels she’d clawed, yet I kept my focus on the woman responsible for more of my pain than a few bloody trails. “Here’s what’s going to happen.” She opened her mouth to speak and I held up

my free hand to silence her. “I’m going to walk out of your door and your life. You will not come near me, call, text, write, or any use other form of contact with me or anyone I know again. You will stay the fuck away or I will throw every penny I have into making you pay for all of the shit you’ve pulled, and I won’t stop until you’re behind bars.” Apart from her complexion paling, she gave me no indication she’d heard me. “Do you understand what I’m saying, Elora?” She nodded grudgingly. I’d never been so cold or assertive and the shock was clear in her silence. Nevertheless, I had nothing left to protect and nothing

tying me to the bitch any longer. I could say what I wanted. “I’m going to let you go now. If you so much as raise a finger to me I will follow through on my promise. You know I can do it as well.” Tears welled up in her eyes. She blinked hard, forcing the first one to break free. It always went like this. When anger didn’t work she broke down in tears. “I hate you,” she spat. Never again would I allow myself to be swayed by her act. I dropped my hold on her and took a step back. Satisfied she wasn’t going to lunge at me, I strode over to the door. “Go to Hell, Elora.”

Chapter Two Dustin Only once I’d returned to my flat did I allow the full torrent of emotions to crash down upon me. I slammed the front

door and stormed through all of the rooms, checking to make sure they were empty. Of course they were. Teo was in the middle of a race and Raine was no doubt still there cheering him on. With a strangled choke that merged into a sob, I collapsed on to the sofa, hunched over my lap, and buried my face in my arms. My shoulders heaved as my cries broke free and I began to tremble. I couldn’t believe she’d done it. I’d only just started getting used to the idea of becoming a father and now I’d never get the chance to even see a picture of him or her, let alone hold them in my arms. They had been the only good

thing to come out of mine and Elora’s relationship and now even that was tarnished. I had no concept of how long I remained curled over and I didn’t care. Inexorable pain speared my heart and forced it to fight for every beat as it slowly bled out. Another sob wracked my body and I linked my fingers against the back of my neck to hold myself in place. Rocking back and forth I struggled to breathe around my suffocating cries. Finally wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, my gaze fell upon the deck of cards on the coffee table. I needed the order they brought me. They allowed me to be in control when everything else spiralled around me.

I slid them out of the packet and shuffled them. My hands shook violently, making the slippery cards hard to hold. Once they were in a random order, I fanned them out and with practised precision began to rearrange them. Hearts, jacks, diamonds, clubs. Red, black, red, black. Two, three four, five…jack, queen, king, ace. My hands flew over the cards, organising them swiftly until I was happy with them. Then I shuffled the deck again and started the process once more with a different arrangement this time. I could control the outcome of this. It was ordered, concrete. No one could

interfere with the pattern. The cards did what I wanted and they only formed a jumbled mess when I made them. Not like my thoughts or emotions. I had no control over those. They grew bigger inside me until they devoured me completely, and I was powerless to do anything to stop them. Each thought cracked my chest open a little further and the cards weren’t helping in the slightest. With a cry of frustration I hurled the cards across the room after fifteen minutes. They spun and fluttered, each one twirling so the glossy surfaces caught the daylight, then settled on the floor. I heaved myself up from the sofa,

needing something more effective at numbing the pain and desensitising my thoughts. I headed into my room to retrieve the bottle of Jack Daniels I kept in there and took a swig straight from the bottle. I settled back on to the sofa with it, kicked my feet up, and nursed the drink. The fiery liquid burned my throat, yet compared to the rest of the agony shredding me I relished the sweet pain as it slowly removed the bad from my mind. *** The sound of a door unlocking and creaking open vaguely registered in my

deadened state. How long I’d been sitting on the sofa I couldn’t say. All I knew was it had been long enough for the alcohol to have consumed me. I brought the bottle up to my lips to take another sip as a set of footsteps rushed over to my side. “Geez, what the hell happened, Dustin?” Raine gasped. Her hand reached out to the scratch marks on my cheek. With a grunt I retreated from her touch. I didn’t want a reminder they were there. They were the first noticeable sign of Elora’s abuse and I despised wearing her marks. Usually the bruises would be covered by clothes, and although I detested those too, at least I’d been the only one to know about

them. The alcohol had made me forget the gashes were even there, and Raine brought it all back with a startling force. “Leave me alone, Raine,” I snarled. “What did she do, Dustin? Please, we can help.” I snapped my head to her, fixing her with a glare. I caught sight of Teo over her shoulder, his gaze full of concern. Ignoring them both I lifted the bottle again, taking a long drink. I swiped the back of my hand over my mouth. “I said. Fuck. Off. Go play happy families together and leave me alone.” Because they had the chance to play happy families, unlike me. They’d grow old together, have kids, grandkids even. They’d have it all and in one fell swoop

I’d lost my best friend and my brother. Neither of them needed me now they had each other. Hell, I didn’t even have Elora, not that I wanted her. I definitely didn’t have my baby. I had no one. Vaguely I heard Teo shouting something and then he appeared at Raine’s side, his hand on her back. “I don’t need your help.” Keeping my focus on them I raised the bottle back up to my lips with a shaky hand. I needed the burning fire to take away the thoughts clawing their way to the surface once more. The blanket of alcohol I’d created needed to be reinforced. I misjudged the distance, missing my

mouth so the cool liquid sloshed down the front of my shirt. I glared at the wet patch, then at Raine and Teo. “Shit, now look what you made me do.” Raine turned to walk away, muttering to herself. “I’ll get a cloth.” “No! I don’t fucking need your help. Just get out of here!” I pulled myself off the sofa, squaring my shoulders. My chest heaved with deep, angry breaths and the rage bubbled inside of me. “Dustin, please. Let me be there for you,” Raine whimpered. “Come on, Dust,” Teo pleaded. “You need to stop this, it’s not healthy. Put the drink away and go take a shower.” Like a shower was going to fix everything. I couldn’t wash away my

problems. “You want me to put this down?” I held the bottle so it lined up with my ear. “Okay, I’ll put it down.” With all of the force I could summon I threw it at the nearest wall. The glass shattered and fell to the floor, leaving a hole in the plasterboard and a splatter of liquid around it. “There you go. Now leave me the fuck alone.” “Go get your things, Raine. I’ll calm him down,” Teo ordered and Raine scurried off. The pain slammed into me with a vengeance. I clawed at my chest in an attempt to hold my heart together and glared at Teo. He remained unfazed by my hostility and stepped towards me, his

hands outstretched in a gesture I guessed was meant to placate. “What’s going on, Dust? What has she done to you?” “None of your damn business,” I hissed and moved to step around him, my eyes fixed on the door. I couldn’t stand to be in the room with them another second. It hurt too much to see what they had and only reminded me of what I would never get. “Dustin, please. This is getting serious now. We’re worried about you.” “It’s over, okay? For good this time. I’m never going back to the bitch.” Teo’s expression remained grim. “I’m pleased to hear it, although what about the drinking? You can’t keep doing this.

You’re putting your career on the line.” “Fuck it all. It means nothing.” “You don’t mean that.” I snorted. “Don’t I?” “Don’t throw it all away, Dustin. Not for her. She’s taken too much from you already. Don’t give her this as well.” Before I could respond the door to Raine’s room opened and she stepped out cautiously with a bag thrown over her shoulder. Somewhere deep inside my mind and under the cloud of alcohol a pang of guilt gnawed away at me from the fear I’d put in her eyes. “Have you got everything you need?” Teo asked her, drawing her beneath his arm.

Raine nodded, though she kept her focus on me. “Yes. Dustin, are you sure you don’t want us to stay? We don’t mind.” I threw my arms in the air with a groan. “What don’t you understand from go away?” “Nothing, it’s just—” I stalked around the sofa and Teo positioned his body between me and Raine, which only served to infuriate me further. I’d without a doubt crossed the line of reasonable and rational thought, yet I wasn’t that far gone. Storming across the room to the front door I didn’t spare them a second glance. “Forget it. I’ll go.” Neither of them had time to stop me

or even comment. I opened the front door, stepped into the hallway, and slammed the door behind me. With my fists balled at my side and my arms locked I strode through the complex, heading straight for the stairwell. My heavy footsteps thundered around me as I hurried away. It took less than a minute to reach the ground floor. I smashed my hands into the doors leading to the lobby. With my gaze firmly fixed on the exit I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings. Something soft hit my chest, making me stumble, and an angry snarl ripped from me at the person who had hindered my escape. “Watch where you’re going,” I spat

over my shoulder, not bothering to stop.

Chapter Three Tazia The shoulder came out of nowhere. I’d been so focused on trying to shuffle the cardboard box at my feet along the

floor to the lift, I didn’t see him approaching until it was too late. He hit me hard, forcing my body to spin. My crutches tangled around my broken leg, twisting my body at an awkward angle. In a split second, my balance deserted me and I could do nothing to stop myself. My back collided with the cold, hard floor of the lobby, knocking all of the air from my lungs. I lay there for a minute, startled. When my breath finally returned I cursed my need to move so much pointless crap I should have left behind. I shook my arms from my crutches and with a groan raised both hands to scrub my face. What a perfect way to start my new

life in my new flat. I inhaled deeply to compose myself. “Hey, are you okay there?” A tall, lanky guy appeared from around the box resting next to my head. His eyes sparkled with worry, the baby blue irises boring into me. When he crouched down beside me, his sandy hair flopped over his forehead. “Oh, I’m just peachy. Some jackass knocked me over and now I’m stuck on the floor thanks to this bloody cast.” I frowned, mentally berating myself for being so rude. “Sorry, that came out wrong.” His lips quirked up at the corners. “Here, let me help you up. I’m Perry by the way.”

“Tazia.” Perry offered out both of his hands, widened his stance, and gripped my wrists tightly. Then, with a surprising amount of strength for someone so skinny, he hauled me to my feet. Well, foot considering I had to balance on one leg. Perry stooped to pick up my crutches and held them out for me to slide my arms into. “Are you hurt?” “My body, no more than it was to begin with. My pride is another story.” “It wasn’t your fault. The person who knocked you over should have looked where he was going or at least stopped to help you.” I shrugged. He should have, only I got

the feeling he was in a bad mood. “Let’s hope I don’t run into him again. The last thing I need is another asshole in my life.” Realising what I’d said, I dropped my gaze to the floor and readjusted my grip on my crutches. Perry must have sensed my unease because he said, “So you’re moving in?” I glanced up through my lashes. “Yeah. Although I severely overestimated my ability to move this stuff. It takes forever to shuffle the boxes in from my car. I didn’t really think this thing out.” “You’re lucky they fixed the lift recently.” He chuckled. “I can help, if you want.”

“Oh no, I didn’t mean to imply…you probably have better things to do. There isn’t much so don’t worry about it. I’ll pile it all by the lift and the shove it all in at once.” My cheeks flushed. I honestly hadn’t meant to sound like I needed help. “It’s no trouble.” I opened my mouth to protest and he cut me off. “I’m not going to let you do this by yourself on a broken leg, Tazia. You’ll be here all day and what if you fall down again?” I tilted my head to the side. “You sure are pushy for having just met me.” “At least I didn’t literally push you over.” He smirked and I winced. “Sorry, too soon?” I laughed. “Okay, a hand would be

great. Thank you. My car’s the red one out front. A…friend dropped me off in it, but couldn’t stay to help. There are only a few boxes and bags.” I hadn’t been able to bring all of my belongings, and had only grabbed as much as I could fit in my tiny car. Though my leaving had been planned, I’d left everything until the last minute which forced me to prioritise the items important to me. Everything I’d left behind could stay in the past. “Can I have your keys? I’ll bring all of the boxes in here first and then I’ll take them up in the lift.” It took a moment for my brain to catch up, leaving me staring at him in confusion.

“Your car keys,” Perry clarified. “Oh, it’s all open already.” Perry nodded and instantly disappeared out of the lobby so I used the moment of reprieve to inspect myself. Tentatively I raised a hand to my head, examining the surface for a bump. Thankfully, I only found a minor amount sensitivity when I poked at my back, where a bruise would no doubt form. Great. *** “Well, that’s the last of it.” Perry placed the final box down in my new living room. He hadn’t allowed me to

lift a single thing. I’d been delegated the job of holding the lift doors open and watching as he made eight trips up and down to bring all of my belongings up. “Do you need me to help you unpack?” “No,” I replied too quickly. Then realising I probably sounded rude again, I softened my tone. “It’s okay. You’ve done more than enough. I would offer you a drink, but…” I gestured around the bare room, letting the emptiness speak for itself. “How about you go to dinner with me instead?” I whirled my head in his direction. My instincts told me to decline because I was spoken for. However, the sight of my bare hand reminded me that no

longer held true. I studied him curiously, questioning his motives. “Won’t I be indebted to you twice if you pay for dinner?” Playfulness danced in Perry’s eyes. “Who said I’m paying?” Heat prickled at my cheeks and I focused on the door over his shoulder. I didn’t have the money to be wasting on meals for two, not with the amount of sick leave I had taken. “Oh…uh…I…” He laughed, the corners of his mouth curving to expose a glistening smile. “Relax, Tazia. Of course I’d be paying, and no, you wouldn’t be indebted to me. Think of it as you repaying me with your company. I’d like to learn more about

you.” I dragged my teeth over my bottom lip. “What do you say?” “Can you wait until I get this cast off? Everything becomes ten times more difficult with it.” Perry glanced down like he’d forgotten the big block of plaster was even there. “Sure.” He met my gaze with humour. “This isn’t your way of hoping I’ll forget, is it?” “It’s not.” Though my reassurance came quickly, he probably didn’t realise it would be weeks, maybe even months before I recovered fully. Perry wedged his hands into his pockets. “How did you break it in the

first place?” “Oh, just a stupid accident.” I swatted my comment away, although my insides churned at the thought of relaying what happened. At my nonchalance, Perry’s lips formed a stern, thin line and sensing he was about to attempt to dig deeper, I glanced around the room and clapped my hands together. “Well, I’d better get started on turning this place into a home. Thanks again for the help. I’d probably still be on the floor if you hadn’t showed up.” Perry couldn’t conceal the minute frown at my dismissal, but he covered it quickly. “Sure, no problem. If you need anything else, I’m one floor up in flat nine.”

He walked over to the front door and I followed him. “I’ll see you around, Tazia.” Leaning against the door frame, I smiled and waved. When he was a few metres down the hall I shut the door and sank against the wood. Tilting my head back, I held the air in my lungs until I could no longer bear the pressure. Why did I always seem to attract the pushy people? I didn’t need people digging into my past.

Chapter Four Dustin I stumbled home around eleven o’clock since Teo—the bastard—stole my car keys, which was undoubtedly a

good thing. Though it probably didn’t sound too late, considering I’d started drinking around two o’clock it was a wonder I could still even remain on my feet. Nonetheless, the alcohol had finally done its job. My mind felt dead and my body numb to anything and everything. Somehow I managed to stagger up the two flights of stairs in my building. I reached my door and fell against it so I could rummage in my pocket for my keys. I dug my hand into my right pocket as deep as it would go and came up empty. I tried the second pocket and still found no keys. With drunken movements I patted my body down, only to find I had nothing except my wallet and the

clothes on my back. I groaned. Out of all of the situations I’d been in, I had to forget my keys on the worst day of my life. “Raine,” I called, knocking on the door. “Raineeee, come on. Lemme in,” I slurred and banged on the door a little harder. “Raine! I forgot me keys. Lemme in.” I kept thumping my fist against the door until finally it was removed. I swayed, only just catching myself from falling head first through the opening. The woman in the doorway regarded me with suspicion and disgust. Even in my inebriated state I could tell the expression looked out of place on a face as beautiful as hers. Her nearly black

eyes, framed with thick lashes, weren’t meant to hold such anger. “What the hell do you want?” Her tone dripped with resentment. She seemed to know me from somewhere, though I couldn’t put my finger on where we’d met before. She wasn’t Nadine, and Raine didn’t have any other friends. I’d have definitely remembered the Latin beauty in front of me. “Who…who are you? Why you in my house?” “This isn’t your house.” “Yeah, t’is.” “No, it’s not.” She pointed behind me, drawing my gaze to the piece of metal hanging from her arm. “I’m guessing that’s your home. This is mine.”

A bubble of laughter escaped my lips. “I’m locked out.” “Not my problem.” She moved to shut the door. I lifted my hand, stopping it from closing at the last second. “Can I use your phone?” “No. Now move your hand so I can close my door.” I arched an eyebrow, or at least I tried to. I couldn’t be sure of the expression I pulled since my muscles weren’t cooperating with my brain. “You don’t like me.” She huffed. “Oh really. I’m meant to like the dickhead who knocked me over earlier and left me on the floor and unable to get up?”

I attempted to recall what she was talking about, my eyes rolling back into my head as if searching my mind. “I think you have the wrong person.” “I’m pretty sure I don’t, though it’s not worth the argument so please leave. I want to go back to bed.” “Let me use your phone first, please.” “I said no.” “I’m going to be out here all night if you don’t.” She narrowed her eyes at me. Even in my state I could see her resolve cracking as my words sunk in. She knew I spoke the truth. “Ugh, fine. Come in and I’ll go and find it,” she muttered finally. She turned her back on me, her crutches hindering

her quick escape. Once she’d disappeared into another room I moved over to the sofa since my balance started to fail me again. I swayed on the spot and my head pounded. Sinking into the cushions, I told myself I’d only be there a minute, yet my body wasn’t listening. I relaxed against the soft material, my eyes shutting.

Chapter Five Tazia Why me? Out of all the doors he could have knocked on, why mine?

It hadn’t taken me long to find my mobile considering I had organised everything I’d brought with me into rooms to unpack at a later date, and my bag had gone into my bedroom. Despite the short amount of time I was gone, I returned to find the jackass passed out on the ugly sofa I planned on replacing as soon as possible. I allowed my head to fall back, letting out a frustrated hiss. I really didn’t need this. Making my way around to stand in front of him, I studied his sleeping form. A strand of his shaggy brown hair lay fallen across his eyes and he had one hand beneath his cheek to support it. The other arm hung off the side of the chair

and his knuckles grazed the floor. With his lips slightly parted, his breaths came in long, deep cycles. Three scratch marks decorated the side of his face and looked fairly fresh. A few specks of blood crusted at the base, but from the bright colour I knew they had at least happened within the last day, which worried me. I had no idea how he got them, and it didn’t put me at ease about having a stranger who had already proved he contained plenty of anger staying in my house. Keeping my distance, I raised one of my arms and drew my crutch up with it. I lined up the rubber covered end with his shoulder then straightened my arm. “Hey,” I called. “Wake up.”

I pushed against him, shaking my arm to try and rouse him. His body lolled with the movement, swaying away from me only to flop back into his original position not even a second later. “Come on. You can’t stay here.” I pushed him once more, this time causing him to fall onto his back where his mouth dropped open to emit a more audible snore. Finally, I accepted the attempts to wake him were futile. He really was out cold. With no option besides leaving him, I returned to my bedroom and double checked the lock on my door. If he really wanted to get in it wouldn’t stop him, though I’d at least have a warning.

So much for easy, I thought. I’d been in the building less than a day and already drama was creeping back into my life. *** Seeing my neighbour sprawled out on my sofa the next morning was a wake-up call I could have done without. I stumbled out of my room at seven a.m., heading straight for the coffee machine when his snore caused me to jump and squeal. How I’d forgotten about him was beyond me. Thankfully, I hadn’t woken him. It gave me a second to dart back into my

room, slam the door, and get dressed into something less revealing than my almost see through white camisole and boy shorts. When I returned—grudgingly—it disappointed me to find him still asleep. He had outstayed his welcome a long time ago, so as I went about my morning routine, I made as much noise as possible. Mugs clattered, the coffee machine whirred, taps were switched on full blast, and I slammed the microwave door. I even went as far as dragging out my fairy cake tin from the box labelled “kitchen”—because my baking supplies were one of the few things I couldn’t leave behind—and “accidently”

dropped it. Still I got no reaction. Not even a change in breathing. All I’d done was work myself into a state. I downed my coffee in a few gulps then reverted to sending him dagger stares. If noise failed to wake him, maybe the heat from my glower would. I snorted, realising how ridiculous I sounded. Unfolding my arms, I shook my head to clear my frustration. It seemed pointless to get so worked up over someone who couldn’t see it. Therefore, grabbing my keys off the counter, I marched—as well as I could with a lump of plaster on my leg—over to my front door. Not wanting him to wake up while I

wasn’t there, I shut the door behind me softly and headed for the lift. If there was one thing I hated most about having broken my leg, it was the time everything took now. Even the simplest of activities, such as getting dressed or walking somewhere, took forever. It frustrated me to have to slow my usual tornado speed and really focus on my actions. I’d never thought about something as simple as walking until it was taken away and hindered. On the plus side, my arms were getting a work out every day. The lift doors opened on the bottom floor where a middle-aged man with greying hair waited. Giving him a polite smile, I exited the lift and limped over to

my post box. With the key the landlord had given me a few days ago, I unlocked the box corresponding to my flat number. I retrieved the few envelopes, wedging them under my arm. Once I’d relocked the post box I made the arduous journey back up to my flat. It wouldn’t make a difference once my cast came off, but the lift made my life a hell of a lot easier for the moment. I didn’t even want to consider struggling down two flights of stairs with a broken leg. The lift stopped on my floor and I rounded the corner to find the man I’d seen downstairs leaning against the wall opposite my flat while talking furiously into his the mobile. His eyes blazed and

his nostrils flared as he paused to listen to a response. With a cursory glance, I walked by and focused my attention on fishing my keys from my pocket. “Excuse me, this is probably a long shot, but have you seen Dustin?” I lifted my gaze from the lock on my door. “Sorry, I only moved in yesterday, is Dustin the guy who lives there?” “Yeah, a lot of people have been trying to get hold of him and we’re starting to worry. I really need to get his ass on a plane.” A plane? His comment made me curious, though not curious enough to ask. I pushed open the door and hitched a thumb over my shoulder at the figure

sprawled out on my sofa. “That him?” The man exhaled and cast his eyes to the ceiling briefly. “Oh thank God. Do you mind me asking…uh…why?” “Why’s he there?” He nodded and I explained what had happened. A myriad of expressions flittered across his face: embarrassment, frustration, anger, worry, and finally concern. “I’m so sorry…” “Tazia,” I filled in for him when he looked at me expectantly. “I’m Anthony. Like I was saying, I’m truly sorry you’ve had to deal with this. Although it’s not an excuse, he really hasn’t been himself lately. He doesn’t

usually do this. All I know is something happened yesterday.” I shrugged, not able to lie and say it was no trouble. “Do you mind if I come in? I’ll get him out of your hair.” “Have at it.” I waved him past me then followed him in. Anthony shook, pushed, and raised his voice at Dustin, only to get a grunt of protest when Dustin rolled over to show him his back. Anthony puffed out his cheeks and blew the air from them forcefully. He scrubbed a hand over his tired eyes and an idea came to me. “Let me have a go.” I hurried to pull a glass out of a box and filled it with water from the tap. “He owes me after

he knocked me over.” Anthony’s lips curved and he shook his head mockingly. “Your funeral.” I made my way over to the sofa and held the glass over Dustin’s head. Tilting it slowly, I let a steady trickle hit him right in the middle of his forehead. As soon as the first drop collided, his eyelids shot open in time to see the glass being tipped upside down and the rest of the contents pouring down on top of him. He flew up from the sofa with a splutter, and I couldn’t contain the grin pulling at my lips. A giggle escaped and I glanced up at Anthony. Even he wasn’t immune to the sight. “What the fuck?” Dustin cried. His voice cracked as he surveyed the room

wildly, his mind struggling to process everything. “Serves you right,” I stated proudly, causing his hard stare to snap to mine. “Who are you and where am I?” “She’s the person you owe an apology and thanks,” Anthony interrupted, capturing Dustin’s attention. Dustin made a disgusted gurgle. “What for? She’s the one who dumped an ice cold cup of water over me.” He turned back to me. “Who are you anyway? And where the hell am I?” “I’m Tazia, your new neighbour and the person you knocked over and left on the floor yesterday. That happened to be before you woke me up and dragged me from my bed because you banged on my

door drunk, then passed out on my sofa since you were locked out.” Dustin groaned and raised a hand to massage his temple. “I didn’t.” His statement sounded more like a whine of hope than denial. “You did.” He peered at me with contrition. His gaze dipped to my cast and the guilt plastered over his face deepened. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “I’m sorry. I’m honestly not usually like this. You caught me on a bad day.” I shrugged off the apology. “Really, I’m sorry.” When I stared down at him, the startling intensity pooling in his forest green orbs knocked the air from my

lungs. The anger inside me subsided and I could finally look at him properly. Apart from the scratches, hangover, and pain etched into every tired crease, he actually looked quite attractive. His body was lean like an athlete’s, though not overly big. He had more of a runner’s build than someone who lifted weights for fun. Anthony cleared his throat. “We need to go, Dustin. You’ve already missed one flight and the team won’t accept an excuse for missing another.” Wordlessly, Dustin pulled himself to his feet with shaky legs. He combed back his hair and exhaled heavily. “Can you call Raine? You’re going to need her set of keys to get my stuff. I’ll wait in the

car so I don’t have to see her.” Anthony appeared like he wanted to say something, but with a glance at me he shut his mouth. Grabbing Dustin by the back of the neck, he herded him from the room, once again apologising, and shut the door behind them. As soon as the lock clicked into place I sat down on the dry edge of the sofa. All of the questions I wished I could have asked Dustin, yet had no right to, filled my mind. For some unexplainable reason I wanted to know him. I shouldn’t have after the way he’d acted. However, when he’d gazed at me in apology he really did seem to mean it. The emotion I’d seen in his eyes had been so intense I believed below the

surface lay a good guy. The only problem I faced was how to unearth him.

Chapter Six Dustin The second Anthony slid into the driver’s seat of his car I knew he wasn’t going to hold back. I’d watched Raine

and Teo arrive and enter the building from the opposite side of the street. When they reappeared minutes later, I slumped down so only my forehead remained visible above the window. The only time Teo didn’t have his hands on her was when she pulled the passenger’s door closed and in spite of everything they looked happy. Even though a part of me couldn’t be more pleased they’d found their way back to each other, envy overpowered it. Without the cloud of alcohol to dampen my memories, they all flooded back more potent than ever. Like barbed wire being slowly dragged through my veins, the pain shredded me from the inside out.

It hadn’t taken long for Anthony to emerge with my bags after they drove away. He threw my belongings into the boot with more force than I deemed necessary then stomped around to his door and slammed it behind him. I knew I’d only escaped his wrath until now because of Tazia. Tazia. It was an unusual name. A bit like her. “Dustin! Are you listening to me?” Anthony’s words shocked me from my musings. I blinked up at him, perplexed. “What was that?” Anthony let out a pained groan. “I said what the hell is going on with you? The anger, the drinking, the fights…none

of this is you. You’ve never missed a practice session or acted like racing wasn’t important. You’re throwing away your shot at the top. If the teams see this type of behaviour, then the contracts I have been negotiating for next year are all going to disappear, Dustin. And so will the one you’ve got now. No one is going to hire an alcoholic.” “Let them then. None of it matters anymore. What’s the point in racing when you have no one to race for?” I snarled. “And I’m not an alcoholic and I haven’t been in any fights. It was one really shitty, life-altering day.” Anthony made a deliberate effort to soften his words. “Dustin, talk to me. What’s going on? What happened? You

don’t get cuts from nowhere and you don’t drink to excess without good reason.” “It’s nothing.” “Raine and Teo asked about you. They’re worried too.” “I’m fine.” He sucked in an exasperated breath. I wasn’t convincing anyone, even myself. “We all care about you, Dust. Don’t push us away.” “I’m not.” “They asked if they could have tickets to your race. They want to see you.” I ground my molars together and my gaze bore into his. “No. Keep them away. They are not getting in my garage, you hear me?”

“Dustin—” “No, Anthony. You keep them out. I can’t deal with them right now on top of everyone else.” “Okay, I’ll tell them no, but talk to me. What’s going on?” I folded my arms and the wounds scored into my heart tore open a little more. Every word sent a searing stab to my chest as I held back my explanations. I couldn’t tell my story and not have people look at me differently. I didn’t want to be pitied or babied, and I definitely didn’t want people watching my every step, waiting for me to shatter. “I’m not talking about it, Tony. Let me deal with it in my own way.”

Silence hung in the air for a minute. Anthony gripped the steering wheel in agitation. From the corner of my eye I could see he wanted to say more, and was struggling to decide whether he should. Finally, he broke the silence. “Okay, I’ll stop asking and trust you to deal with everything.” My relieved exhale was premature. “But you had better finish the season with your best races. No more getting drunk, no more fights, and no more missed flights. If I allow you to do this you will be on time for everything. You will throw all of your energy into winning and landing a Formula One contract. Got it?”

I balled my fists against my chest and spoke through gritted teeth. “Got it.” What Anthony didn’t realise was I didn’t have much energy left to throw into anything. Every morsel was being used to keep me relatively functional throughout day-to-day life. *** Despite what I’d thought when I agreed to Anthony’s ultimatum, I threw myself into racing the second I arrived in Hungary. Throughout Free Practice and Qualifying I focused solely on being the best and destroying the competition. I channelled my agony and rage into an unwavering focus where I only saw the

track from the letterbox sized window inside my helmet. I became part of the car when in it. Moulded to my body, it fused to me like a second skin so I joined with the machinery, and I was its heart. When I had to get out of the cockpit I ran over my numbers. Drive, analyse, improve. It was all that ran through my mind. Drive, analyse, improve. I had been wrong when I said I had nothing left to race for. I raced because I loved it and even though it was hard to feel any kind of passion for the sport at that moment, I refused to give it up. People had taken too much from me already.

It turned out my new focus had an effect. I qualified on pole and I felt unstoppable. Nothing would prevent me from winning and no one would enter my bubble as I headed out to my car on race day. I answered the few reporters with brief, clipped answers when they followed me. A few of the more familiar ones were taken aback by my attitude. Since I’d become known as the joker of the track my abruptness didn’t fit with what people had come to love me for. Tough shit. I pulled on my helmet and waited by my car at the front of the grid. I stared down to the first corner, visualising the track, and when the team gave me the

signal I clambered into my car and waited for my engineer to tighten the six seatbelt straps to hold my body in place. Comfortable had never been a word to describe single seat racing. The belts had to be tightened to an impossible level for safety in the event of a crash. They also helped eliminate muscle fatigue by physically holding the driver in place so we became a fixed component. They cut into your skin and made it almost impossible to breathe. However, they hurt a lot less now the bruises on my chest were healing, and they hurt a hell of a lot less than when Elora bruised my ribs. That had been murder. I fitted the steering wheel in place, tuning out all noise except the

engines revving around me. I even shut out the voices of my team boss and engineer in my ear. I flexed my fingers around the wheel and set my car up for the start. I was a machine; becoming one with the car. Eventually my team backed off from the car to the edge of the track. I flicked down my visor, the last barrier between me and the outside world. Snapping it shut blocked everything out to conceal me in a stuffy bubble where not even the fresh air penetrated. It focused me. We were stationary for less than half a minute when the lights on the gantry illuminated above me and signalled for me to lead away the grid on the

formation lap. And soon I returned to sit back on the grid and wait for the final car to be in position. The lights began to turn red and I revved my engine. One. Two. I pulled in both paddles on my steering wheel. Three. I revved the engine again and I felt the car come alive beneath me. Four. I stared at the lights. As soon as the fifth one lit up I released my car, allowing it to surge forward.

*** My team cheered for me as I pulled up into parc fermé and stopped in front of the number one sign. Behind the metal railing they jumped up and down, waving me over as I pried myself from the cockpit. In the past I’d run over to celebrate with them. This time I kept my helmet on, gave a brief wave to the fans, and headed into the building to be weighed. I picked up the promotional shit I had to wear on the podium and ignored the other two drivers and my engineer who’d been selected to receive the constructors’ trophy this week. Keeping to myself, I gulped down my water and stared at the TV displaying all

of our times. Mine weren’t fast enough. I wasn’t far enough ahead. Sure, I’d won, but I could always get more out of the car or push myself further. One of the organisers announced they were ready for us on the podium. The other two drivers, Cale and Raffele, who were two of my closest friends on the circuit, left the room. Then finally it was my turn. Summoning all of the enthusiasm I could, I forced a smile. I placed a bounce in my step as I heard my name called over the speakers and strolled out to take first place on the podium. Throughout the whole ceremony I

laughed and played along, even through the damned champagne showers. I did what people expected of me for the cameras, though on the inside I felt little. My body acted on auto-pilot, performing the actions ingrained in my muscle memory thanks to my many wins. In reality the end couldn’t come soon enough.

Chapter Seven Tazia I was rapidly driving myself insane. I used to be an active person and to suddenly become so restricted in what I

could do and where I could go had my body twitching with the desire to get out. Since my flat came fully furnished, it left me with little to do inside. I’d deliberately chosen it because of that reason and now I was starting to think maybe renting a flat with slightly more work to do would have been a better idea. After all, I could only watch so much daytime TV. I knew I should stop when I became so absorbed by Jeremy Kyle I shouted at the TV like I was a part of one of the dysfunctional groups on there. Don’t judge me, I wasn’t proud of myself for that either. Anyway, with three weeks left of my eight week recovery I knew I needed to

start doing something or risk losing my mind. Therefore, I decided to indulge myself and make my favourite treat: chocolate and passion fruit macarons. I hadn’t baked since the accident, and being away from work only intensified the gap. I hadn’t felt the desire to create anything amidst the chaos that was my life, so I’d simply stopped. The passion hadn’t been destroyed though, and the more I thought about baking, the more the appeal grew. The only problem was I didn’t have any icing sugar. And with no internet connected yet to order shopping online, and no ability to drive to the shop, I didn’t know how to get any. I’d been living off the food I ordered ahead of

moving into the flat. I had deliberately purchased as much as possible, but baking never even crossed my mind, and as I hunted through my cupboards, I realised how sparse they were. Grumbling about my situation and lack of independence, I leaned back against the counter and wondered if asking Dustin whether he had any icing sugar would be a lost cause. He didn’t seem like the baking type. Then again, he had been calling me by another girl’s name when he woke me up drunk, so I thought maybe she’d have some. And with any luck it’d be her who opened the door since I didn’t feel like having my good mood ruined by having to deal with Dustin.

I hobbled out into the hallway and knocked on Dustin’s door. When it opened my heart sank and then spiked. My lips parted as I took in Dustin’s dishevelled state and bare chest. A smattering of dark hair coated his chest and a thin trail disappeared into the waistband of his jeans along with a V of muscle. There probably wasn’t a millimetre of fat on his body, and even if he might not have been as ripped as the guys you see on the front of romance novels, he clearly looked after himself. Somewhere in between my brain and my mouth my words became lost because all I could produce was a croak. “Is everything okay?” He moved his hands, drawing my gaze back down to

the waistband of his jeans where he shuffled a deck of cards. His fingers flicked through them, drawing them out into different shapes with the expertise of a seasoned magician. “Tazia?” I blinked up at him, realising too late I’d been caught staring. A blush bloomed on my cheeks and I forced myself to remember why I’d knocked on his door in the first place. “You don’t happen to have any icing sugar do you?” “Um…” He threw his gaze to the ceiling as though mentally recalling every item in his kitchen. He appeared none the wiser when his eyes met with mine again. “I have no idea. Raine might have bought some at one point. I’ll check.”

Dustin started to walk away. When he peered over his shoulder to see I wasn’t following he stopped. “You can come in. Knowing Raine she’d have hidden it somewhere strange so it may take a second to find.” I crept into his flat and shut the door softly. A blanket of awkwardness at being in a stranger’s home for the first time settled over me. I followed Dustin to the kitchen, taking in the rooms as I went. Cards were scattered across the living room floor, empty liquor bottles sat on the table, clothes were strewn across the back of the sofa, and there was a noticeable dent in the wall. What the hell? I attempted to mask my true thoughts, yet I must have failed

because when I entered the kitchen Dustin regarded me with shame as he looked over my shoulder. “Sorry about the mess. I’ve been out of the country and haven’t had time to clean up.” He scratched his head, his floppy locks drooping over his forehead. “I wasn’t in a good place when I left and I only got in last night.” “I’ll say,” I scoffed, then realised what I’d said. I raised my hand to cover my mouth. Speaking without thinking was a bad habit of mine and one I really needed to work on. “I’m sorry, that was rude. I didn’t mean it.” Dustin shrugged. “You did and you’re right. You don’t have to apologise.” He rummaged through the cupboards,

the muscles in his back tensing as he stretched to reach the highest shelf. I bit down on my lip. For some obscure reason I wanted to run my finger down his sinewy back then skirt the waistband of his boxers sticking out above the low cut denim. At least until I noticed a faint cluster of green and yellow almost healed bruises on his lower back. “It was icing sugar you wanted, wasn’t it?” I lifted my gaze abruptly from where I had once again been staring. When my eyes found his he smirked at me knowingly, like he knew exactly what had been going on inside my head. “Uh, yeah.” I coughed in an attempt to

clear my throat. Believing a change of subject was desperately needed, I asked, “Where’ve you been then?” “Hungary.” The sound came back muffled by the wooden walls of the cupboard. I scrunched up my nose, thinking he hadn’t heard my question. “No, not really. It wasn’t long ago I ate.” A bark of laughter echoed from the lower cupboard. He dipped his head, careful not to bang it on the counter as he extricated himself. His lips curved at the corners to banish the weariness previously straining his expression. “No, I was in Hungary.” “Weird place to go. What were you doing there?” My words once again

came out sharper than I intended them to, my embarrassment fuelling my bluntness and causing my cheeks to burn. I focused on the floor and only when his shoes squeaked on the tiles signalling he’d turned away from me again did I glance up. “I had a race.” I couldn’t stop my jaw from falling slack. Out of all the answers he could have given me that was not what I expected. I had no idea why it came as a surprise considering how little I knew about Dustin, but it did. Maybe it had been the drunken stupor I’d seen him in causing me not to link him to a career in sport. “You’re a racer?”

“Yup,” he popped the ‘p’. “What kind?” “GP2, nearly Formula One. Why?” “No reason. It’s not a common career so I didn’t expect it.” Dustin stared at me with an arched eyebrow. “Don’t hold back on my account, Tazia. You’ve been blunt since I met you so don’t stop now. I can take it.” I bent over the kitchen counter, resting my chin on my palms. “Sure you can.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” I shrugged. “Seriously, Tazia. If you have something to say—” “It’s nothing. Just from first impressions, racing isn’t the career I’d have put you in.”

Dustin sighed. He rested his hands on top of the granite counter and hung his head. For a second he remained there with his eyes screwed shut. He took deep breaths in through his nose and exhaled loudly through his mouth. The muscles in his arms repeatedly bunched as he curled his fingers against the worktop. I wanted to say something, although firstly I had no idea what would make him feel better. And secondly, I thought he might break if I did. Eventually, he opened his eyes. When he peered up the brief flicker of happiness had been masked by pain. “I’m not usually like that. I’d been given some really shitty news when you saw

me and I wasn’t handling it well.” I desperately wanted to ask what had happened. However, I restrained myself since my bluntness and curiosity frequently landed me in trouble. Dustin didn’t seem like he was in the mood to share either, and really? Who ever wanted to spill their guts to a stranger, especially one they’d no doubt see often since they moved in next door? Instead I offered the only thing I could. “Want to pretend that day never existed and start again?” Dustin’s eyes crinkled warmly and he exhaled in relief. “That would be great. Really, really great.” “Don’t get too excited, you don’t know what you’ve let yourself in for.

You’d have probably liked me better if I still hated you.” “You hated me?” He frowned. “Eh, it was a close call. I wasn’t sure what to make of you, but there were more negatives than positives.” Dustin chuckled, the warm sound seeping into my bloodstream like a hot drink on an icy winter day. “Well, I’ll happily forget all about it.” He held out his hand. “I’m Dustin Coates. GP2 racing driver, royally fucked up human being, and brilliant magician.” My lips quirked. “Tazia Nixon. Baker and also a royally fucked up human being who overcompensates by trying to be an eternal optimist.”

I reached out to take his hand and beamed up at him. We sounded like two of the world’s worst dating profiles, yet our statements were honest. They had me beginning to think Dustin wasn’t really the jackass I’d seen on day one. When he dropped his hand and stepped away from the counter to shut the cupboard it surprised me to find I missed the warmth of his touch. “Sorry, I don’t have any icing sugar. I thought Raine might’ve bought some since she has a sweet tooth, although she prefers fudge.” Despite telling myself it was none of my business, I couldn’t help wondering who Raine was. The first idea I had was a girlfriend, which led me to consider

whether she’d caused his foul mood when we met. “No worries. It was a long shot. I guess I’ll have to go to the shop.” Curiosity got the better of me. “Who’s Raine?” “My old roommate.” “An ex-girlfriend? Is she the reason you got drunk?” Dustin barked a laugh, the sound devoid of any humour. “No, Raine’s my brother’s girlfriend. No doubt soon to be fiancée if he has his way.” I tilted my head to one side. “And she lived with you?” “We were friends. He met her through me and when their relationship turned sour she moved in with me. She recently

moved back in with him so I’m back to living alone.” I hummed. “Were friends?” “We’re still mates. Things are just complicated.” “Oh, did you like her too?” I winced. “Did I put my foot in it by bringing it up?” Dustin shook his head. “You’re incredibly nosey. Has anyone ever told you that?” “I did warn you your life would be easier had we hated each other.” “No, I’ve never liked her as more than a friend. She has always been and always will be Teo’s girl.” I opened my mouth then stopped myself when a connection slipped into

place. “Wait, Teo Coates, as in the nation’s favourite driver?” Surprise registered all over Dustin’s face. “You follow Formula One?” “No. I follow the gossip magazines.” Dustin groaned, raising a hand to scrub his stubble coated jaw. “Please don’t believe everything you read in those. They spin stuff.” “I know. So you’re both racers? Who’s the better driver?” I teased, wondering how easy he was to wind up. If we were to be friends I needed someone who didn’t take me seriously and I could have a laugh with. “Me of course, he just got lucky first. Next year I’ll show him.” I hummed in disbelief despite the

happy creases around my eyes refusing to dampen. Something about Dustin made me happy. His story drew me in and the more he spoke the more I wanted to know him. I caught a glimpse of the time. “Shit, I’d better go if I have any chance of getting to the shop before it closes.” “Yeah, okay. What did you want it for anyway?” “I told you, I bake. I wanted to make macarons,” I called over my shoulder as I moved to the front door. “Fancy making extra?” I chuckled at the hope in his voice. “We’ll see—” I stopped in my tracks at the sight of Perry at my door. A brief flicker of

confusion crossed his face when I stepped out of Dustin’s flat. “Hi, Tazia.” “Hey, Perry. What’s going on?” He thrust a paper cup at me. “I wanted to check on you and see if you’d settled in. I also bought you coffee. I thought since you didn’t want to go for lunch until your leg healed I’d bring the drink to you.” I took the cup and attempted to hide my suspicion. The last thing on my mind was searching for another relationship, and Perry appeared to be trying to fill that spot in my life. I held the cup against my chest. “Thanks. I was about to head out to the shops actually.” “Do you need any help?”

“I’ve got her, Perry.” Dustin’s hand landed on my shoulder and I snapped my head in his direction to fix him with a perplexed stare. “We were going to take my car, weren’t we, Tazia?”

Chapter Eight Dustin “I’ve got her, Perry.” The words slipped from my mouth impulsively. I could feel Tazia’s burning glare, but I

kept my hardened stare on Perry. “We were going to take my car, weren’t we, Tazia?” Her lips pursed and her eyes narrowed. I didn’t know where the words came from, yet backtracking wasn’t an option. In my flat I had every intention of letting her go shopping alone then continuing with my wallowing. However, the thought of Perry within even a metre of her ignited a fire within me. “Are you sure? Tazia doesn’t look like she knew of this arrangement.” “Of course I’m sure. How else did she plan on getting there? It’s not like she can drive, and I was heading out to get a few things anyway.”

I was? That was news to me. My evening plans had been pizza and cleaning. I straightened my back, drawing myself up to my full height. Bracing my arm on the doorframe, I rested it behind Tazia’s shoulder. She thought nothing of the possessive gesture, although Perry did. His jaw clenched hard enough I thought his teeth would crack. “Why don’t you both ask me rather than talk about me like I’m not here?” Tazia snapped. Her mane of silk whipped back and forth as she made the point of glowering at us both. “Okay, beautiful. Who do you want to go with?” Perry asked. I barely contained my eye roll and I

muffled my laugh with a cough. When I banged on my chest trying to clear my throat, Perry seethed. I couldn’t help it, at his fury my lips quirked smugly. And it just so happened the second I did, Tazia fixed me with a glare. Typical. Her whole body stiffened, the muscles in her shoulders locked. “You two are unbelievable. I’ll go on my own like I planned to. I don’t need either of you.” The restrained anger in her voice smacked the expression from my face quicker than I thought possible. I reached for her, closing my hand around her upper arm gently to prevent her moving. “Don’t be like that, Tazia. Let me

give you a ride.” The fact she didn’t slap me or fix me with another furious glower felt like an improvement. Then again, I reminded myself not everyone was like Elora. Elora’s knee-jerk reaction to being stopped from doing something was to lash out, mostly at me. While I knew normal people didn’t, I had a feeling it would take a while to get used to. Tazia flicked her eyes to the ceiling and huffed. I took it as a victory and waited for her verbal agreement because I knew she had no other option. Taxis weren’t cheap and they didn’t give her the flexibility. “Fine, but you leave me alone in the shop. You have to go and do your own

thing.” “Deal,” I replied instantly even though I had no intention of following through. If I drove her she was stuck with me until we returned because for the first time in the last few weeks I felt lighter. The cheerfulness I exuded was genuine, and I had stopped thinking about what could have been. I forced the thought from my mind. I refused to go back to the dark pit I’d been in all week. Placing my hand on the small of Tazia’s back, I disregarded Perry’s presence completely. I kept my body between them and pressed Tazia forward to force her feet to move. “Come on, beautiful, hurry up.” Her body became rigid beneath my

hand. Her steps faltered and she fixed me with a stubborn glare. I didn’t think it was possible for her black irises to become darker, but somehow they did. Like pools of anger, the irritation seeped from them. “Don’t call me that,” she spat and for the first time the Tazia I’d met disappeared, giving me a hint of there being more to her story than she let on. I only said it to mock Perry, though obviously something about the name affected her deeper down. Or maybe she didn’t feel comfortable around me yet. “Okay, how about princess?” Her nose bunched in distaste, although she didn’t bite my head off a second time.

“No? Sugar?” She feigned gagging and relief surged through me at the return of her more jovial side. “Baby?” “You can call me Tazia or Taz. No pet names.” She tried to sound serious. However, the teasing in voice dampened the effect. “And allowing you to call me Taz is a big deal. That’s usually only reserved for family.” I raised one hand to my heart, splaying it on my chest. “It is an honour to be included in such a selective group.” Tazia playfully swatted my arm. “Don’t take the piss.” “I’m not. I wouldn’t want to be

kicked out of the club only seconds after gaining membership. This is some serious shit. I wouldn’t dare mess with it.” “You’re a dork.” “But I’m a cute dork.” “Cute is what you say about a kitten, it’s not sexy. Cute gets you friendzoned.” She drew both lips into her mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. Turning away from me, she hobbled down the hallway and called over her shoulder, “I’ll meet you downstairs. You may want to put a shirt on before you leave the building.” I glanced down, surprised to see she was right, then peered up at her with a grin. I’d noticed the way she’d been

staring at me—now and earlier. “I think I’ll go like this and prove you wrong.” She shrugged, no doubt attempting to feign nonchalance. However, the blush tinting her cheeks betrayed her real thoughts. “Your choice, it’s not like you’re going to be walking around with me.” I didn’t bother to correct her and caught up in a few strides. She was mistaken if she thought I was letting her go without a fight. I hardly knew her, yet already I felt I needed her. Something about her presence soothed my wounds and numbed the pain to a barely noticeable level, and I planned to take full advantage of every reprieving second.

*** “What did you want again?” I asked, pushing the trolley into the supermarket and starting down the first aisle. “Does it matter? You’re doing your own shopping.” She waved at me. “‘Bye now.” “Come on, Taz. Did you really think I meant it, and how are you planning on getting around with a trolley and crutches?” She folded her arms and glowered. Though, having to balance on one leg to perform the action lessened its severity to make it more comical. “I’ll manage, and yeah I did, so you’re going to stick

to it.” “If I take my shirt off again will it make you change your mind?” I chuckled. When I had thrown on the shirt I kept in my gym bag back in the car park I swear Tazia’s eyes fell in disappointment. “Are you trying to be an ass?” she murmured. “What was that?” “I thought we were meant to be starting over? You’re not exactly making a good first impression.” “I must have made a better impression than Perry considering you’re here with me. What’s the deal with you and him?” “Nothing. He helped me move in after

some jerk knocked me over.” Tazia wasn’t kidding about her bluntness. I kind of liked it…maybe. “I apologised for that.” “So? It doesn’t mean I’m going to let you live it down. I’m only biding my time for the perfect comeback.” I scoffed, not worried in the slightest. “Why can’t I give you a pet name?” It had been gnawing at me since I witnessed her reaction. Instinct told me there had to be something bigger there. She paused in front of the refrigerated section, eying the selection of whipped cream. “You don’t know me. I’m not looking for more than a friend and pet names signal more. I’m not anyone’s baby, I don’t care if someone thinks I’m

beautiful, I’m not a princess, and my heart is broken not sweet.” Tazia refused to meet my eyes, pretending to read the ingredients on the back of the canister. She shrugged, the action appearing defeated. “I want to be known as myself, as Taz, because it’s the only version that’s true.” Dumbfounded, I struggled to find any words to create a response. I’d never met a girl who didn’t like endearing names, let alone had such an adverse reaction to them. Raine always got emotional when I called her sweet girl, although that might have been down to the fact I only used it when trying to calm her. Elora, on the other hand, loved

any name I used to use for her—baby, sweetheart, babe. It was funny how none of those suited Elora nowadays. When I dragged myself from my thoughts, Tazia was a few metres away from me. She no longer appeared like the strong, confident woman who marched out of our flats and dished out orders. Even her unwavering smile began to falter. Unease swelled within me at her expression. I wanted the fiery Taz back. I sidled up behind her, dipping my head over her shoulder. “Okay, new game. I say a word and you tell me the first thing to come to your mind, then me, then you.” She regarded me with confusion.

“Why?” “Because I want to know more about you.” “And this will help how?” “It will tell me how your mind works.” And I wanted to distract her from whatever thoughts were eating at her. She grumbled and placed two canisters of whipped cream in the trolley. I took the sound as an agreement and started. “Cream.” “Milk.” I grinned and couldn’t stop my gaze wandering to her chest. “Boobs.” Tazia placed a hand on her hip, her lips parted. “Really, Dustin?” “What?” I asked innocently. Although

boobs hadn’t been the first word I thought of it was the one I knew would garner the biggest reaction. “So when you hear the word milk you think of boobs?” I jerked a thumb at my chest. “Guy.” “Jerk,” she replied immediately, the life returning to her features. “That wasn’t part of the game.” She shrugged, heading down another aisle. “Your go.” I caught up to her quickly, stooping to lower my lips to her ear with a chuckle. “Jerk off.” She snapped her head around the aisle, I assumed to make sure no one was within hearing distance. “Are you serious?” she hissed, though she couldn’t

fight the laughter bubbling in her throat or the rueful shake of her head. “Deadly. Your turn.” Her cheeks flushed and she marched off in the opposite direction. “Oh look, icing sugar. Just what I need.” She regarded the rows of white and pink boxes, still refusing to make eye contact as she dumped two boxes into the trolley. What I wouldn’t have given to know where her mind went at my answer. She didn’t look at me until we reached the next aisle. Her enormous grin made me suspicious instantly. Since Raine and I had been best friends for over ten years it gave me an advantage when picking up whether or not a

woman was up to something. Taz’s expression appeared undeniably shifty. “I want to play a new game.” I hunched over the trolley, steering it with my forearms. “Oh yeah? What?” “I’m going to attempt to set you up with someone and see if being ‘cute’ really doesn’t get you friend-zoned. There’s a woman over there who keeps glancing your way and I now have the perfect payback.” She rolled her ‘r’, purring with joy. Tazia headed over in the direction of the supposed woman and in doing so allowed me to catch a glimpse of her. I inhaled in sharply. My heart skipped a beat, then tripled

in speed. Icy daggers of anxiety raced through my veins and I couldn’t look away from the aquamarine eyes boring into me. Movement to my right caught my attention again. “Tazia, no!” I shouted, sounding like a dog owner barking an order at their pet. For good measure I reached out and gripped her forearm, tugging on it with more force than necessary to pull her back against my side. “Do not go over there.” She cocked her head to the side, the grin still lighting up her face. “Why not? Is someone worried about getting a date?” “Taz, please,” I hissed, aware Elora

was listening to every word. Her eyes kept darting to us with intrigue while she pretended to read the label on the can she held. “Oh come on. I thought you said you were going to prove me wrong when we left.” She jabbed me in the side and I let out a grunt as her fingers connected with one of the more recent bruises that hadn’t completely healed. Over Tazia’s shoulder I saw Elora sashaying towards us. As soon as she took the first step in our direction I snapped. I was doing well until she’d shown up, but even Tazia’s presence couldn’t prevent the thoughts I’d locked away in my mind from escaping.

There is no baby, Dustin. I couldn’t do it. There is no baby. I slammed my palm down on the handle of the trolley. The stab of pain slicing through my bones silenced the thoughts for a second. It was enough for me to realise I had to leave. If I didn’t things were going to get ugly. Tazia may have been like a soothing balm, yet my wounds were too big and too raw for her to have any effect. Seeing Elora tore me open even further so it was like trying to use a plaster to fix an amputated limb. “Fuck it, I’m out of here. I’ll wait in the car.” I caught a brief glimpse of shock and

hurt flittering through Tazia’s eyes, which I ignored. My sneakers squeaked against the tiles as I fled. I needed my cards. In the car park I broke out into a run. I threw the passenger’s door open and dove into the seat. I ripped the glove box open and desperately grasped for the deck I kept there. Tipping the pile out into my hand I allowed the box to fall to the floor and shuffled the cards. With a deep breath, I stared at the shiny surfaces and began organising them. Ace of diamond, ace of clubs, ace of hearts, ace of spades. Next the kings, queens, jacks. Working my way through the pile I

attempted to dispel the anger infecting me. I hated the bitch. I couldn’t even catch a glimpse of her without wanting to punch something. And I’d left Tazia alone with her. I groaned and tipped my head back against the headrest. Hell, I needed to go back in. I couldn’t have Elora fucking with Tazia or revealing too much. Tazia didn’t need to know what had screwed me up because I didn’t want her pity or sympathy. And I certainly didn’t want Elora warping her view of me. I waited until I’d organised the deck then slipped it back into the box. I slid out of the car reluctantly and slammed

the door a little harder than necessary. God help Elora if she fucked with either of us.

Chapter Nine Tazia I stared after Dustin, wondering what I’d said to send him into such a fit of rage. I’d only been teasing. However,

his reaction brought home the message I knew nothing about him. With his joking and playful banter I’d forgotten there were some underlying issues, and his reaction only proved Dustin was far from okay. The striking woman who’d obviously been checking him out had poker straight, flame-coloured hair and deep black eyeliner rimming her piercing blue eyes. I had no idea why she kept heading in my direction when Dustin had left. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve ever met. Are you one of Dustin’s relatives?” I pursed my lips, studying her. I had no intention of giving answers to a complete stranger. Knowing vaguely about Dustin’s career she could have

been anyone and I didn’t want to jeopardise anything for him. “Sorry, I don’t think I caught your name.” The woman held a hand over her heart and feigned bashfulness. “I’m Elora, Dustin’s fiancée.” I struggled to prevent my jaw falling slack. Out of all the things I expected her to say, the word ‘fiancée’ wasn’t one of them. I’d have thought Dustin would have mentioned something as big as being engaged. He’d mentioned Raine after all, and a fiancée was much more significant. I glanced down at Elora’s hand in suspicion to find her ring finger bare. She must have caught me looking because she folded her hands in front of

her. “We’re getting the ring designed. He wanted it to be unique.” “Right. Well, congratulations.” I conjured a tight smile. “I’d better finish up shopping. It was good meeting you.” Elora blocked my path, her expression as false as my words. “Hold on a second, you never said who you are.” “And I’m not going to.” “I think I have the right to know why my fiancé is shopping with another woman, don’t you?” A wall of muscle pushed in between the two of us, blocking my view of Elora, and halting my insulting retort. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Elora?” Dustin spat, keeping his

voice barely above a whisper. Anger flowed off him in palpable waves, his muscles coiled tightly in an attempt to contain it. When I stepped to peer around him I expected to see him right in her personal space. It surprised me to find he’d left a sizable gap between them. “I’m introducing myself to your friend here.” Elora, reached up to place her hand on the slowly fading red scratches on his cheek. The way she glowered at me sent a shiver down my spine and her voice held no warmth. Dustin raised his hand to encircle her wrist when Elora started to curl her fingers against his skin. “Why would you need to introduce

yourself?” He lowered her hand. I could see the restrained power in his grip as he consciously controlled himself. The only clue as to how close he was to breaking were the trembles shooting through his free hand. “You’re nothing to me anymore.” Elora’s next movement came so quickly had I blinked I would have missed it. A loud clap rang out in the aisle and Dustin’s head snapped to the side. His hand flew to cover his cheek and I gasped, not believing she’d hit him in the middle of a supermarket where everyone could see. By the looks of the startled glances thrown our way, neither could the other customers along the same aisle.

“You bastard.” She raised her hand again, only Dustin intercepted it and swiftly composed himself. It started to become clear where the scratches had come from in the first place. “I’m not discussing this, Elora. And I now have three witnesses to your violence. Either walk away or I will be phoning the police.” “Dustin, please. I miss you.” Her words were barely a whisper. Tears brimmed in her eyes and her posture hunched as she tried to play the vulnerable woman card. Dustin took a step back. Whether it was to make sure he kept out of striking distance I couldn’t be sure.

“Do us all a favour and walk away, Elora. This is your last warning.” Dustin angled his body so he could focus on me and still see Elora. “Do you have everything you need?” I nodded, too alarmed to form a sentence. “Go and wait in the car. I’ll pay for all of this and meet you back there, okay?” A part of me didn’t want to leave him alone for fear of what would happen, but it wasn’t my business. The only reassurance I had was I knew Dustin could physically restrain her if need be. “Are you sure?” “Yes.” With hesitant steps I headed in the

direction of the exit. I peered over my shoulder one final time to see Dustin standing toe-to-toe with Elora, their bodies locked in a standoff. *** I managed to refrain from speaking throughout the whole drive home until we were parked outside our block of flats. I told myself it wasn’t my business and I nearly convinced myself. However, I wanted it to be my business and I wanted to heal the man beside me by showing him not every woman was a bitch. Because Elora couldn’t be described as anything else.

In fact, she was probably infinitely worse, and what I’d seen only scratched the surface of the fucked up relationship they must have had. If Dustin had been battling that crazy person day in, day out, I wasn’t surprised by his drunken stupor. I didn’t condone it, though I could understand it slightly more. “Do you want to talk about what happened back there?” I asked gently, casting Dustin a sidelong glance, still hesitant about his reaction. I knew hardly anything about him and the fury radiated from him to fill the car. Though the thought he could hurt me never entered my mind, I knew his anger would have to come out at some point and I couldn’t

predict what form it would take. “No.” He forced out the curt reply through a clenched jaw. His hands circled the steering wheel, tightening until his knuckles whitened. “Has she done that before?” “I don’t want to talk about it, Tazia.” “But—” “I said no!” He smashed a hand down on the steering wheel. “It’s none of your business.” I bit down on my lip, debating whether to say more. I wanted him to know he could talk to me and I’d be there for him. However, he’d reached his limit. I slipped from the car without a word. While I fiddled with my crutches, I saw Dustin’s shoulders heave with an

exhale as he hung his head. He rested it against the steering wheel, his eyes screwed shut. To give him a modicum of privacy I walked to the back of the car and opened the boot. I struggled with the three bags, fighting them when a door slammed shut. A second later Dustin appeared by my side. “Let me take those.” He held out a hand. “No I’m good. Thanks for all of the help.” I could see his desire to be shot of me and helping me with my shopping would only prolong the experience. “Come on, Taz. Let me take them. We’re heading the same way after all.” With a humph I handed over the bags.

“Thank you.” Together we waited for the lift to ascend. When the doors opened, Dustin allowed me to exit first and he trailed behind me with heavy footsteps. He paused by my door and waited for me to open it. “You can leave them there.” I pointed at the floor. “I’ve got it from here.” Dustin hesitated for a second, then finally decided to listen to me. Placing the bags down, he pulled out his own keys and retreated to his door. “Dustin,” I called and he glanced over his shoulder. “I’m here if you want to talk. I don’t know what you’re going through, but remember; I’m fucked up too. I won’t judge you.” It was hard to

joke about my past, even to make someone else feel better. Unfortunately, Dustin didn’t take it that way. Without acknowledging my comment he closed the distance between him and his door, unlocking it swiftly. “I’ll see you around, Tazia.” He shut the door, leaving me staring at the forest green paint. It took me a moment to engage my brain and get moving again since a part of me hoped he would come back out. When I realised he wasn’t I grabbed my shopping one bag at a time and struggled in to my kitchen. Flicking on the radio I emptied the bags and put away the baking supplies I wasn’t going to need. Thanks to Elora’s impromptu public display I hadn’t

managed to get all of the shopping I needed. At least I had the ingredients for macarons, though. With a sigh I ordered all the items on top of the counter. I knew the recipe by heart, having made them so many times my limbs moved automatically as I stirred, whisked, and piped. It took me hardly any time to have the orange coloured passion fruit circles in the oven. Then I got to work on the chocolate filling. I couldn’t resist dipping my finger in the mixture, licking off the rich, chocolaty goodness with a satisfied hum. Chocolate always made everything better. I was banking on it because I couldn’t get Dustin out of my mind. I

didn’t want him going out and getting pissed again. And although I wasn’t expecting him to pour his heart out to me, I didn’t think he should be alone. I’d been in similar positions and being alone made everything worse, especially with no comfort food. By the state of his flat when I’d been there, I didn’t think he’d been shopping for a while. Takeout pizza didn’t count. The oven timer pinging caught my attention. The bake looked perfect and the smell alone made my mouth water. As I assembled the macarons an idea came to me. I couldn’t control the grin tugging at my lips. I planned to bribe Dustin into seeing me with food. He had mentioned Raine had a sweet tooth so I

hoped he did too. If not, he could seriously need a sugar high. At least it’d be better than an alcoholic stupor. Once I’d sandwiched the final macaron together, I picked up my piping bag again.

Chapter Ten Dustin I grumbled at the insistent knocking on my front door. I knew who it was and for a split second I considered not

answering. After all, if I wanted company I wouldn’t have retreated to my flat. Nevertheless, I had a feeling Tazia wouldn’t leave until I answered. She struck me as the stubborn type. Dropping the pizza boxes I’d been cleaning up in the recycle bin, I brushed off the crumbs stuck to my hands and wiped them on my jeans. My palms were surprisingly sweaty and my rapid heartbeat only made them worse. I couldn’t be sure whether the nerves were because of Tazia’s presence, or the thought she’d have me spilling my guts within minutes of opening the door. I assumed it was the latter option, and still I couldn’t find the willpower to send her away. I needed her to erase the remnants

of my thoughts that hadn’t been dissolved by my furious cleaning session. It was strange how fast I’d come to rely on Tazia. I didn’t know how she’d done it, but she’d worked her way past all of my anger and grief quicker than anyone I’d known. I thought it would be years before I let someone in again. Elora hadn’t blinded me to people’s goodness or created a bitterness against the opposite sex. I knew the majority of women were nothing like her. However, I didn’t think I’d want to move on so quickly, or find myself worrying more over Tazia telling me she was fucked up than the idea of revealing my secrets. Composing myself, I pulled open the

door. Tazia greeted me with a magazine worthy grin that showed all of her teeth. She had piled her raven hair into a messy bun on top of her head and a few tendrils had broken free to frame her face. A white powder covered her shirt in blotches and a smudge of something resembling chocolate trailed down over her right breast to the top of her cleavage. I gulped at the sight, my tongue swiping over my lower lip. Her dishevelled appearance reminded me of bed head…after really good sex. I stopped the thought in its tracks. The last thing I should have been considering were fantasies of Tazia sprawled out

across my bed with hot, chocolate sauce dripping over her— And there I went, back at it again. I blinked a few times to bring her into focus and I swallowed, my throat suddenly feeling swollen. Whether it was down to the fantasies or the guilt rising over having them while still grieving I couldn’t be sure. “Dustin?” Quickly composing myself, I braced an arm on the doorframe above my head. “Is everything okay?” She appeared momentarily perplexed by my question. No doubt she’d expected to find me drunk out of my mind again or in a fit of rage. I hated she had that opinion of me

because of one fucking day. If she’d moved in a day earlier or a day later I wouldn’t have been stuck with a reputation I needed to dispel. Maybe it was for the best, though, because knowing I could ruin Tazia’s opinion of me made me want to change completely. Even when I shouldn’t have, I wanted her and I couldn’t risk scaring her off by getting pissed every night. No matter how successful the alcohol was at deadening my pain, Tazia soothed me more and I couldn’t afford to lose her. “I baked you happy macarons,” she stated, and although I didn’t think it possible, her lips curved even more. “What’s a happy macaron?” “Macarons that are happy to see

you.” She opened the lid on the tub she held and giggled. Like jingle bells at Christmas, the sweet sound warmed me from the inside out and melted the defences I’d built around my heart a little more. I glanced down into the box, doing a double take. Staring back up at me were about forty orange macarons, each with an individual expression. My lips quirked. “I can’t believe you said that.” “What? They’re macarons and they are happy to see you. See?” She shoved the box beneath my nose. The biscuits were so close they blurred. The box hit me in the nose, followed shortly by another giggle. “Oops.”

When she pulled it away I arched an eyebrow at her bouncing figure. “Have you been drinking?” “I may have eaten a teensy bit too much sugar while making these.” Tazia held up her fingers to measure around a centimetre and squinted at them. I couldn’t help but laugh. “You may want to lie and go with the alcoholic option next time.” “Why?” I shrugged. “So you don’t sound like a kid who’s just come home from trick or treating on Halloween?” She dismissed my comment with a pfft. “I don’t sound like anything. I’m happy and I made happy macarons to make you happy. And by the look on

your face, I succeeded. You’re welcome, neighbour.” “Now who’s the dork?” She gave me her best doe-eyed expression, and fluttered her eyelashes. “I’m a cute dork who brought goodies. So, can I come in?” My gaze lowered to her cleavage, then drifted to her hips. No doubt she didn’t mean those were the goodies she’d brought with her, yet it didn’t stop my mind from wandering. “What kind of goodies?” Tazia lowered her head to trace the same path of my eyes. I knew the instant she realised what I meant because her complexion flushed and she averted her gaze as her mouth opened to form an O.

She raised her hand as if moving to swat me, then stopped abruptly. Her hand hovered hesitantly in midair and guilt seeped into her features. All traces of humour vanished, her expression sobering to transform into pity. Fucking pity. It was why I hadn’t told anyone about Elora. I never wanted to be seen as a victim, and it was exactly how Tazia stared at me—like I was a hundred year old doll who had been taken out of its box for the first time and needed to be handled with white gloves and care. I knew the difference between a playful swat and a malicious attack. I wasn’t stupid and I didn’t want her to ever

censor herself around me. She had actually managed to make me forget until one single action brought it all rushing back. “Don’t, Taz,” I pleaded. “But—” “I said no. I’m not talking about it, I’m not thinking about it, and I know you’re nothing like her. Don’t bloody apologise, and stop looking at me like you feel sorry for me.” The smile she dredged up felt forced. Her eyes creased, though the whole gesture appeared strained. “Are you going to try one then? I’ve been told they’re heaven in a box. They’re bound to bring you pleasure and happiness.” I stared at her, waiting for her to

catch up and realise what she’d said again. “I wish I’d been recording our conversation so I could clip it. It could have made for interesting YouTube viewing.” I sniggered. “‘I brought goodies. They’re bound to bring you pleasure and happiness.’” The blush on her cheeks deepened. Even the tips of her ears changed colour. With her free hand she covered her eyes with a groan. “Oh God.” “I bet I could make you moan like that using your goodies.” I couldn’t understand where my comments came from, or why I couldn’t drag my mind from the gutter around Tazia, but she brought out something in me. I wanted to see her blush and erase the lingering

tension. Sex jokes were perfect. Who didn’t love sex jokes? “Will you take the damned biscuits and shut your mouth?” She thrust the box at my chest. I grinned down at her. “Why? Am I getting you all hot and bothered?” She fixed me with a challenging stare which was dampened by her gulp. “Of course not, the only thing I’m craving is sugar. I can feel my high wearing off, so either let me in or I’m taking me and my goodies home.” I stepped back from the door and swept my arm out to gesture her past me. She smelt like sugar as she breezed into my flat. It was a sweet, homely scent of baked goods and chocolate which stirred

my desire to taste every inch of her skin. “Do you want a drink?” I asked, needing to put some distance between us before I did something stupid. My voice had already deepened to a hoarse rasp. Tazia studied the coffee table where I hadn’t managed to clear up the bottles. At her wariness, I scrubbed a hand over the day old stubble on my chin. “I meant a soft drink, Taz. There isn’t any alcohol left in the house even if you wanted some.” “Shocker.” I chose to ignore the sarcasm in her deliberate dig. “Did you want a drink?” “Milk, please.” With slow steps she made her way over to my sofa and regarded the bottles with distaste as she

sat down. “Milk? Really?” “What else do you drink with biscuits?” “Tea, coffee, hot chocolate.” She scrunched up her nose at my suggestions, a few crinkles forming between her eyebrows. “Milk, please.” With a resigned shake of my head I left her to make a coffee for myself and get her drink. Within a few minutes I returned to see she hadn’t moved, though she’d reopened the box of macarons on her lap to munch away on one. “Haven’t you eaten enough of those?” Tazia’s shoulders rose abruptly when my voice startled her. With a deliberate movement she met my gaze and slid the

second half of the macaron between her lips, a defiant glint in her eyes. “No,” she mumbled, her hand covering her mouth to muffle the sound even further. I chuckled and held out the glass to her. When I sat down beside her, she hummed a thank you. At least I assumed it was a thank you. For all I knew she could have been calling me an asshole considering none of the words were decipherable, her voice just a continuous sound that fluctuated in pitch. I took a sip of my coffee then pointed at the box. “Can I have one?” I thought I’d better check because Tazia seemed weirdly attached to the biscuits. I didn’t want her snapping the

box shut on my hand. She shrugged and pushed the tub in my direction. “Why’d you bake me macarons then?” I took a bite and couldn’t stop the guttural hum of approval from slipping out. “These are really good.” “I know. They’re my speciality.” “If you think I’m letting you take the rest of the box home, you’ve got another thing coming.” “I made them so I get to decide who eats them.” “Sure, that was true until you brought them over here. If I remember correctly you told me you’d made me happy macarons. Why, by the way?” Tazia glanced down at her lap, her teeth dragging over her lip. She peered

up at me through her thick, dark eyelashes. “Honestly?” “Of course.” “I thought you could use a friend. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving you alone after…um…after what happened at the shop.” By her nerves I presumed she was preparing herself for me to lose it again and throw her out. Instead I simply said, “Thank you.” She snapped her head up, her eyes holding mine in disbelief. “You’re not mad?” “Who could be mad when you bribe them with food tasting this amazing?” I grinned and reached for another macaron. This one had a face with a tongue sticking out on it.

“Does this mean you’re ready to talk about what happened?” My hand froze halfway between the box and my mouth, all of the blood pouring down to my feet like a rainstick as shots of trepidation seized my muscles. I struggled to catch up with the thoughts running away from me as I weighed my options. Tazia had seen Elora’s actions; it wouldn’t be anything new if I told her. She could already judge me on what she’d seen. Adding to the list of cruelties bestowed upon me by Elora wouldn’t make much difference. I’d already seen the pity she felt after all. Regardless, a small section of pride didn’t want me detailing my life to a virtual stranger. It

was why I’d cut Raine and Teo off. People would view me differently and I would become a victim again. I didn’t want people to whisper behind my back or check up on me. All I wanted—no desired—was to move on. I needed to get over everything and leave it in the past if I had any hope of succeeding. And for some reason, Tazia helped me. I doubted it was intentional on her part, though I reasoned she deserved the truth if I planned to use her in secret. I leaned back against the sofa and puffed out my cheeks. I kneaded the back of my neck and exhaled heavily. “What do you want to know?” Silence lingered for nearly a minute.

Tazia appeared deep in thought, her expression impassive before finally settling on a mix of confusion and resentment. “Were you really engaged to that…um what’s a nice way of putting this? Bitch?” Her question stumped me. I’d been preparing myself to conjure answers for the reasons behind the violence. Tazia didn’t seem like a person to dodge the major issues and I thought she would remember that most from the day. Unless she wanted to ease me in gently. “No. I’ve never been engaged to her, and I never will be.” Tazia nodded. She reminded me of a doctor waiting to diagnose a problem. “Why did Elora say she was then?”

“Because she’s a psychotic, abusive, and manipulative woman.” I paused, glancing up at the ceiling. “Listen, my relationship with Elora wasn’t healthy. What you saw today had nothing on the levels she’s reached in the past.” I screwed my eyes shut to block out Tazia’s shock, but all it did was fill my mind with memories. *** I walked in through the front door to Elora’s parents’ house. They knew me well enough that I could forgo knocking, so I dumped my bag by the shoes scattered around the hallway, kicked mine off too, and headed deeper

into the house. “Baby, I’m back,” I called out. “You’re late,” Elora’s voice came over the back of the sofa. Rounding the corner of the chair, I took in her sleek body sprawled out. She had her feet kicked up and her body slumped as low as possible. Resting on her stomach was her mobile. “Our flight was delayed,” I explained apologetically. “Didn’t you get my text?” “No, Dustin. I didn’t get your stupid fucking text. You can check my phone if you want.” I perched on the corner of the coffee table in front of her with a sigh. “I don’t need to check your phone, Lor.”

“Well maybe I need to check yours, because I got no text. What were you really doing, Dustin?” Her eyes narrowed and her lips formed a tight line. Hauling herself up, she dropped her feet to the floor. I resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration. “Really? We’re back to this old story again? I’m not cheating on you, Lor. I’ve been working the whole weekend.” “Surrounded by gorgeous women twenty-four seven.” “Shit. How many times do I have to say it? I’m. Not. Cheating. My plane got delayed because of an issue they found during checks.” “Then why didn’t you text me?”

“I did. I can’t help it if you didn’t receive the message.” She reached for her mobile. I didn’t have time to process what she was doing. Elora drew her arm back and hurled it at me with all the force she could summon. “You didn’t! Stop fucking lying to me,” she screeched. Even with my racing speed reactions I wasn’t quick enough to intercept the phone. It hit my collarbone, dangerously close to my throat. *** “Why.” Punch. “Don’t you.” Hit. “Love.” Smack, punch. “Me?” Elora pounded on my chest around

her sobs. No matter how many times I restrained her, she always managed to weasel out of my hold since I didn’t want to risk breaking her wrists. Despite all of the marks and bruises she’d left on me, I never wanted to be responsible for a single hair on her head falling out, let alone anything worse. “Why, Dustin?” she cried and I dodged the fist she threw at my jaw. I caught her hand and knocked it to one side. I’d just ended our relationship after four months. She’d changed dramatically from the woman I met, and this reaction only proved it. “How can I love you when you treat me like this?”

Focused more on her hands, I didn’t see the kick coming in time to move. It connected with my shin, causing me to drop my guard from my face. Elora launched herself at me. “You bastard!” Rising in time, I caught her. Using her momentum, I spun so she was the one backed against the wall. Pinning her arms against her side, I pressed her into the plaster. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt, only disable. “Calm the fuck down.” *** “Tell me what’s going on. Is it the baby?”

She stalked over to the sofa and dropped down onto it with a huff. “There’s nothing for you to worry about anymore.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “It means I’ve taken care of everything.” Icy tendrils started to creep around my heart, smothering it in paralysing fear as her words sank in. “What have you done, Elora?” She waved a hand at me dismissively. “You can go now. I’m no longer your concern.” I straightened my lips into a tight, thin line and my nostrils flared. “What about the baby? That sure as hell is my concern. If you think for one second

I’m allowing you to keep me from my child then—” “There is no baby, Dustin.” *** A hand on my thigh pulled me from the thoughts. The burning heat and gentle caress as Tazia ran her palm over me forced my eyes open. My blood pumped so furiously my breathing became ragged. A sheen of sweat broke out across my forehead. “No baby,” I murmured. I had no baby. The barbed wire coating my heart tightened, piercing the organ as the memories stirred the pain Tazia had

managed to mask. “Are you okay, Dustin?” “I-I think y-you should go.” On instinct I reached for my cards on the table, only to find the set I wanted wasn’t there. I focused on the room. Blinked. Falling to my knees, I scraped the deck off the floor with frantic movements. I didn’t care I bent them in the process since I owned at least ten packs, all stored in different locations. I just needed them in my hands. My insides were shattering and the memories brought a fresh wave of pain. It wasn’t the physical abuse that affected me most. It was the mental

games Elora had put me through over the months we were together. Always having to tread carefully, the apologies, promises. I fell for it all. The cards weren’t piling up quick enough. “Here, Dustin.” Tazia’s gentle voice interfered with my thoughts enough for me to jerk my head up to see her holding out the rest of my cards. With cautious movements, she reached for my hand. Clasping it in hers, she drew it to her, flipped my palm over, and while holding my gaze placed the cards on top of the ones I held. Her searing touch lingered on my wrist, briefly tracing the vein in my arm before

she released me. “Please go, Taz.” I could feel the pieces inside me tearing apart and the grip I had on my emotions slipping. I didn’t want this kind-hearted woman to witness that. Hell, she’d got down on the floor with a broken leg to help me. I was an asshole. I fell apart in private. That was what a man was supposed to do over issues like mine, right? I was meant to be the strong one and Tazia didn’t need to shoulder my burden. “No way, Dustin. I’m not leaving you like this.” “Please.” She shook her head, adamant. “Do what you have to. Cry, break something,

shout, scream. I don’t care what it is, it won’t change my opinion of you.” I hunched over my cards. “Tazia, I’m asking you to leave.” “And I’m telling you no. Deal with it.” I shuffled the cards. It wasn’t necessary, but I liked the feeling of the shiny surfaces sliding from my hands. Rather than ordering them I held them out in a fan. “Pick—” The unshed tears strangled my vocal cords and I coughed to clear my throat. “Pick a card.”

Chapter Eleven Tazia It took me a second to cooperate. A magic trick was the last thing I’d been expecting him to do.

I’d pretended to ignore the subtle words he’d murmured for fear of sending him into a bigger spiral. However, the two words “no baby” held so much sorrow. What had Elora really done to him? It couldn’t have only been the violence. I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind, focusing purely on Dustin. Taking a card from the deck, I played along. “Now what?” Dustin inhaled deeply. “Look at it, memorise it, then place it on the top of this pile.” He pointed to where he’d cut the deck in two. After doing as he asked, his hands flew over the cards, shuffling them like a

professional. I could see him getting lost inside his mind as he did. His dark gaze focused on the deck so much I didn’t think he realised how much time passed. However, I didn’t interrupt him. Something about the movement calmed him. His shoulders relaxed a bit and his jaw unclenched. If it hadn’t been for his plainly displayed sorrow, which refused to dissipate, I’d have thought he was performing a normal trick. Finally, Dustin sorted through the cards. Dropping them to the floor, they fell either side of his outstretched legs with a gentle pitter-patter. Picking up the card he paused on, Dustin held it out to me with a sombre expression. “Is this your card?”

It wasn’t. Was I meant to tell him though? Would getting it wrong send him back into a state? “Uh…yeah. How did you do that?” I cringed at the falseness I couldn’t hide. “Don’t lie to me, Taz, ever.” I pursed my lips. “Okay, no it wasn’t my card.” He picked up another. “What about this one?” I shook my head. Dustin deflated. “I always had the same luck with Raine. I can do it plenty of times on my own, then as soon as I come to show someone else…” he trailed off with a shrug. “Raine’s your old roommate, and

brother’s soon-to-be fiancée, yeah?” “Yup.” “Are you close to them both?” I shifted on the floor to ease the ache in my legs. My cast scraped across the wood, disturbing the silence. “I guess so. At least I was.” I took a moment to consider my next question, deciding how to phrase it. I probably shouldn’t have asked it, yet I couldn’t stop myself. “Do they know about, you know who?” Much to my surprise Dustin’s lips quirked. “You can say her name, Taz. She’s not Voldemort, even if she’s right up there on the scale of evil.” “Okay, do they know about things between you and Elora?”

“They didn’t until recently. Until the day you moved in they only knew we had an unhealthy relationship. Raine was forever trying to get me to leave Elora for good, but she didn’t have the details until she saw the marks on my face. Still, they don’t know everything. I think they’re giving me my space after how I acted.” I studied him as he explained what happened when Raine and Teo had found him. My heart clenched at the story and I had to dig my nails into my palms to stop myself reaching out to him. I wanted to take away his pain and bring back the happy version of Dustin I’d seen in the supermarket. I peered up through my lashes at him.

“Why did you never tell them?” His shoulders heaved and he absentmindedly began collecting the cards up again. “Honestly?” “Of course. If I can’t lie to you, please don’t lie to me.” He grumbled something unintelligible then raised his volume. “Embarrassment I guess. How does a guy tell someone they’re being beaten up by their hundred pound girlfriend? I didn’t want their pity and it wasn’t a big deal. I could take the hits; it was what happened in the end that broke me.” “What happened in the end, Dustin?” I asked gently. His hand closed tightly around the cards he focused on. “She told me she

was pregnant.” I held back my gasp, already not liking the line of conversation. “I took her back for the baby’s sake. I didn’t want her harming it so I took the hits and anger. I figured once it was born I could fight for sole custody, but—” His knuckles whitened around the deck. When he swallowed hard his Adam’s apple bobbed, and his blink lasted a couple of seconds. The muscles in his jaw ticked and his bottom lip started to tremble. His pain became more apparent when he re-opened his eyes and I caught sight of the unshed tears. He gazed up at the sky through the window and whispered the final line. “She told me she had an abortion a few weeks later.”

“Dustin, I’m so sor—” “Don’t, Taz. Please, don’t say anything.” Losing a child was one of the worst things imaginable, but to have your other half deliberately end the pregnancy? I couldn’t imagine the agony even with my past. I slipped my hand into his and shouldered up to him so our arms pressed together. From my peripheral I could see him attempting to control his emotions, and I pretended to ignore it all. If I’d learnt one thing about Dustin it was he was a proud guy. I didn’t see any shame in a man grieving the loss of his child, yet I knew it took an enormous amount of strength for Dustin to admit

the truth. It nearly gutted him and it meant a lot he trusted me with the full story, especially when his brother and best friend weren’t aware of specific details. I squeezed his hand, waiting for him to make the next move while we both watched the clouds. I couldn’t tell how much time had drifted by when Dustin finally broke the silence. “It looks like a seahorse,” he whispered. The thought sounded more like it was directed at himself so I didn’t reply. The cloud did in fact resemble a seahorse though. Moments later Dustin spoke again. “None of this would have happened if I was a seahorse.”

I wondered if he’d finally cracked. I’d have understood if he had. “Uh, I’m not following you.” He turned to me. Pained lines creased the corners of his eyes. “You know, because the male carries their young.” “They also abandon them when they’re bor—” I stopped talking abruptly, realising what I was saying. Damn lack of filter. I backtracked quickly at Dustin’s arched eyebrow. “I’m not saying you would ever do that.” We went back to sitting in silence and watching the clouds for a few minutes then curiosity got the better of me. “Dustin?” He hummed in response and squeezed

my palm. I hadn’t realised he still held onto it like I was the only one keeping him tethered to the Earth. “Can I ask you something?” He shrugged. “Why not? At this point I don’t think it really matters.” “Do you know why she did it?” I asked tentatively. I didn’t want to pressure him into to talking, only I knew from experience keeping things bottled up made them worse. “She said she wasn’t ready. However, I don’t think that was the whole reason. Elora spent our entire relationship getting her kicks from hurting me. I don’t know why. I’m sure a doctor would find something wrong with her if she got herself tested, but telling

her that doesn’t exactly go over well. Every time I suggested it she’d go into an apoplectic fit. It ended up being easier to break up with her and I think this was the ultimate way her twisted mind could think of to pay me back. She knew I only stuck around for the baby so she did the unthinkable.” I traced circles over the back of his hand with my thumb. “I’m not sure how I’m meant to get over what she’s done. Is it even natural to grieve for so long over someone you never met?” “There’s no right or wrong, Dust. Every situation is different and you should do what feels right for you.” His jaw relaxed minutely, the corners

of his mouth pulling up weakly. “I like that.” “Like what?” “You calling me Dust. Only Teo and Anthony ever call me Dust when they’re trying to knock some sense into me and end up exasperated.” I laughed, albeit weakly. The tension in the room slowly dissolved though Dustin appeared defeated, and it made me want to change that. “I think we should get you a seahorse,” I blurted out. Dustin snapped his head in my direction, his eyebrows drawn low. Apprehension swam in his eyes. “Why do I need a seahorse?” “A pet will be good for you and you

seem to have a thing about them.” He cocked his head to one side. The nerves weren’t totally squashed by the intrigue. “Why?” “You won’t be so alone. Plus they’re cute and adorable. You can’t be sad while watching a pet.” Dustin didn’t appear convinced. “I have a feeling I won’t be alone whether I get a pet or not. You won’t allow it.” “Come on, it’ll help you. Trust me.” He shook his head. “I travel a lot for work. I can’t look after a pet.” I wasn’t going to let him weasel out of this. The one thing to help me through my problems was my pet, yet I couldn’t tell Dustin that. I could only hope he believed in me enough. “I can take care

of it when you’re not around.” “Are you sure this isn’t all because you want one?” His lips quirked. “See?” I pointed at his mouth. “This is already making you smile. It’s good for you.” Dustin sighed, his shoulders heaving dramatically, although if anything, his lips curved even more. “I don’t think you can just buy seahorses, Taz.” “Let me worry about that. I’ll sort it all out for you.” Dustin tapped a finger to his lip then spoke around an exhale. “Okay.” “Is that a yes?” “Yes fine. I’ll trust you on this, but I really don’t think you can walk into a shop and buy one. Plus there’s a tank and

everything that needs to be set up.” I stopped listening after yes. Scrambling awkwardly to my feet, I held out my hand to him with determination. “I don’t care. You’ve said yes now so you’re getting a bloody seahorse.” Dustin pulled himself to his feet reluctantly. “How do you know this will work?” I suddenly found the natural patterns on the wooden floor interesting and I must have been silent longer than I thought because Dustin stepped forward so his feet entered my line of sight. He took hold of my chin between his thumb and forefinger. Drawing my gaze back up to his, the lack of distance between us and the intensity swirling in

his eyes startled me. When he spoke his voice deepened. It flowed like molten lava, pouring heat through me. “How do you know, Taz?” Focusing on the strength from his fingers, I melted in to his touch and gave in. I believed if I said it quickly it would hurt less. “Because a pet helped me through something similar.” Dustin whipped his hand back like my words electrocuted him. He stared at me with wide eyes and took a step back. He hissed, “You had an abortion?” I could see him adding everything up in his mind, comparing me to Elora. He was judging me without even knowing my story. But I couldn’t blame him for

assuming the worst after what he’d been through. I shook my head furiously, hoping to quash the inaccurate picture of me he’d started to paint. “No I didn’t.” “Then what?” I glanced down at the floor, hanging my head. “I’m not ready to talk about it.”

Chapter Twelve Dustin It turned out I was right; you can’t just buy a seahorse. As protected animals, they can only be purchased from certain

breeders, none of which lived near us. What I had been wrong about though was assuming that would be enough to deter Tazia. Once we’d returned from the pet shop I thought that would be the end of the subject and I could use the aquarium she’d cajoled me into buying for fish. However, Tazia proceeded to research and phone all of the breeders given to us by the pet shop over the following week until she found one she was happy with. When she’d done all of that she’d moved like a whirlwind through my flat setting up the tank per the instructions she’d been given. She’d quickly become a constant presence in my home because I couldn’t

find it in my heart to dampen her excitement. If anyone had been watching us for the past week they’d have assumed the pets were for her. She became a force to be reckoned with— cleaning, organising, planning—you name it and she’d already thought about or done it. Over the days she’d foisted numerous leaflets on me to read about seahorse care and I started to think she couldn’t have picked a more difficult pet to look after. Doubts seeped into my mind about whether I could realistically take care of one, yet Tazia was relentless. She left last night telling me she’d be back at five the next morning, and for some reason I’d shrugged it off, not

believing it possible. Why I thought that I’d never know, and it happened to be the second thing I got wrong. At five a.m. sharp, Tazia knocked on my door and I opened it to find her looking way too awake and caffeinated. Early starts were nothing out of the ordinary for me, but in between races I liked to relax. “Ready to get a seahorse?” I shook my head. “Not in the slightest. I think you’re more excited about this than me.” She still hadn’t told me how or what she needed help from and I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling it was similar to my situation. Though she’d denied

having an abortion, something didn’t fit. Every time I thought about the potential theories, fear raced through me at the possibility of getting close to another woman like Elora. I had to consciously remind myself that wasn’t the case with Tazia. She’d already proved herself different, kind and caring, whereas Elora was manipulative and violent. However, Elora had once started off like Tazia and until Taz told me what really happened to her I decided to keep my distance emotionally. That way she couldn’t break me further. “How come I’ve never seen this pet in your flat?” I asked. “It died.” My mouth opened and closed, not

knowing what to say. “I’m sorry.” She batted away my comment with one hand. “Don’t be. He lived a good life, right up until the ripe old age of just over one year.” Only a confused croak came from my throat. “What kind of animal was it?” “A stick insect.” Dumbfounded, it took me a moment to respond. “A stick insect?” “Yeah. Why? Is there something wrong with keeping a stick insect?” I shook my head. “Why the hell do I get the most awkward pet ever and you get a stick insect?” I folded my arms. “I feel railroaded.” Taz sighed. “Don’t be like that, Dust.” I leaned against the doorframe,

holding my ground with an exaggerated pout. Tazia rolled her eyes with a huff. “Do you want a stick insect instead?” “Of course not, they creep me out. I’d never be able to spot it in its tank and then I’d be freaked out about finding it in my bed.” I feigned a shiver at the thought. “Then why all of the fuss?” “Only making the point you could have picked a simpler pet for me to own.” Tazia pulled a hand out from behind her back with sly amusement. I hadn’t noticed she was hiding anything until she moved. “Okay, we’ll go back to the pet shop and get you something else. Let me

take these éclairs I baked for the journey home first since we’re not travelling anymore.” “That’s playing dirty,” I grumbled. It was how she’d been getting me to go along with this asinine plan all week. Every time I said something negative, or protested she bribed me with baked goods. Anthony and my trainer were going to have a fit next week if I’d put on weight, but I couldn’t resist. Tazia had been right when she compared her food to heaven in a box. “I can play dirtier if you want.” She took a step closer to me. The smell of chocolate, cream, and sugar engulfed me with the heat from her body. I gazed down at her with a crooked

smirk. “Oh yeah?” She nodded, drawing her lip into her mouth. I leaned in. I could see her pulse racing in her neck and she fought to keep her breath steady as I closed the gap so barely centimetres remained between us. Her strawberry jam scented breath swept over me and I kept my eyes fixed on hers when I murmured, “How dirty?” “As dirty as it takes.” She swallowed. Her words came out in a choked gasp and because her gaze never left mine she didn’t see me moving my hand slowly towards the box of éclairs. Her eyelids fluttered shut then in one swift movement, I snatched the box from her hand.

She squealed and stared at me in shock as I backed into my flat, heat flaring on her cheeks. “Bad luck, Taz.” I made a show of biting into one of the éclairs and groaned in approval around the mouthful. When I went to take a second bite, Tazia moved quicker than I anticipated and squashed the pastry into my face. Cream exploded out of the sides, melted chocolate coated my nose, and Tazia smeared it over me, making sure to cover every inch of my jaw. “Is that dirty enough for you?” I swiped the back of my hand over my eyes to remove the cream blinding me and shook it off into the container I still held. Blinking a few times, I homed in

on Tazia with feigned irritation. “Fine, if you’re going to start destroying perfectly good food, I’ll go, but you’ll pay for that at some point. I’ll be back in a minute.” I headed for my bedroom, making sure I kept the éclairs with me. I wouldn’t let Tazia ruin delicious food for the sake of a food fight. It didn’t matter how much I liked seeing her riled up or flustered. Food was food and no one messed with my chocolate. *** It took us eight hours to finally arrive home with two seahorses, which were acclimating to the water. Tazia hadn’t moved from in front of the tank since,

watching the little guys float around for hours, and I had to admit the pale blue glow from the aquarium was relaxing, though most of my attention remained fixated on Tazia. Her stillness and focus mesmerised me. She appeared content inside her own head and I couldn’t help wishing I could have felt even a sliver of her peace. Left alone, my thoughts still ran wild over what could have been. Tazia glanced at me over her shoulder. “What are you going to call them?” “Bumblebee and Ironhide?” I don’t know why I felt the need to get Taz’s approval since the names came out more like a question. “You mean like the Transformers?”

The fact she knew the characters by name momentarily impressed me. “Yeah.” She spun to face me on her chair, her nose and mouth scrunched up like the names left a bad taste in her mouth. “You can’t name them after lumps of metal.” “Why not?” “They’re delicate and gentle creatures.” “Okay, how about Mario and Luigi?” She crossed her arms, her lips pursed. “No.” “Oh come on, Mario and Luigi fits them perfectly. They’re tiny and funny to watch.” “No.” She repeated, her tone leaving no room for argument.

“Donatello and Leonardo?” “You can’t use turtle names for seahorses. You’ll give them a complex.” She sounded serious so I held in my laughter. “Technically they’re artists.” “You were so not thinking of the artists when you picked those names.” She was right. Not that I would admit it. “I thought they were my pets. Why am I even listening to you?” “Because I’m awesome and I’m stopping a grave injustice.” I arched my eyebrow. “What would you call them then?” Tazia bit down on the finger she’d placed at the corner of her mouth and cast her gaze to the ceiling in thought. When she released her finger, her lips

quirked and her eyes danced when they met mine. “Bubbles and Squishy.” “We are not calling them Bubbles and Squishy.” She pouted. “Why not? They’re cute and they deserve cute names.” “If I can’t name them after the Transformers, Mario Brothers, or Ninja Turtles, you are definitely not calling them Bubbles and Squishy. They’re men, so they deserve manly names,” I countered. Tazia rolled her eyes and muttered something. I couldn’t decipher what she’d said, just that it didn’t sound flattering by her tone. I was about to suggest two more names when her phone rang on top of my

coffee table. Glancing down at the screen, I caught sight of the name Max as Tazia swept the device up. Her eyes bugged and her entire body stiffened when she saw the display. She puffed out the air forcefully, slid her finger over the screen, and silenced the ringing. When she placed the device back on the table and glanced up at me again it was only the fact she tried so hard not to let her reaction to the call show that stopped me from questioning her. “What about Michael and Ralf?” I said, and I knew I’d made the right choice when her expression brightened fleetingly. “What cartoon are they from?”

I barked out a laugh. “They’re drivers, Taz. You know, Michael and Ralf Schumacher?” “Oh.” A blush broke out on her cheeks and she dipped her head so her hair fell forward to cover her face. “Do they pass?” She pretended to think about it. “I guess it’s as good as it’s going to get. At least they’re people and not fictional characters.” “Ralf and Michael it is then.” “Have you ever met them?” She joined me on the sofa, hauling her broken leg up to rest on the table. “Teo met Michael. I’m only GP2, though. We don’t really get the big names coming to our races.”

She reached out and poked my arm. “I think I’m with the wrong brother.” My heart skipped a beat at her words. Whilst she wasn’t mine and she hadn’t meant it like that, my brain couldn’t help but go there. Even when it shouldn’t have. After a week in her company it felt natural to be around her. Everything felt easy and effortless. I hadn’t suffered a dark turn since admitting the truth, rather I found myself gradually leaving it all behind. Not only had all of my bruises healed, the scratches on my face were barely faint pink trails now. It actually felt good to look in a mirror again. I saw the old me steadily emerging as my heart slowly stitched itself back together.

Feelings had returned to my body, and with them came the realisation I wanted Tazia more than I cared to admit. Only the reminder of the fact she still kept something from me and the worry of how it would affect me, prevented from pursuing her romantically. “Don’t worry, I’ll be there next season. I’m already in talks with a team over contracts, but don’t tell anyone. It’s top secret.” Tazia didn’t appear to be paying attention. She concentrated hard on something, her teeth gritted together. “Are you okay?” I asked when her hand started hovering around her cast. “Do you have a pencil or something? My leg is driving me nuts.”

I opened the drawer in the mini table next to the sofa. “Does a ruler work?” I hadn’t even finished speaking when her hand shot out in a grabby gesture. “Gimme.” She snatched it from me. The second she wedged it between her cast and her leg to scratch the irritable spot she moaned. The sound came out throaty and a little breathless. It was wrong, but when she combined it with a sensual “Oh God,” my cock twitched. She made these little moans of approval, only adding to my problem. Each one sent a spike of pleasure straight to my groin as I imagined making her call out in pleasure for an entirely different reason. With every position I

imagined, my dick hardened until it rubbed against the rough grain of my jeans. Seahorses. Dead seahorses Wounded animals. Nothing I thought of became enough of a distraction to quell my erection. Elora. That solved the problem immediately, and mercifully Tazia stopped what she was doing. Removing the ruler, she handed it back to me. “I can’t wait to be shot of this thing. It’s so fucking irritating. I placed the ruler back in the drawer. “How much longer have you got to wear it?”

“Two weeks. It’s taking forever to heal.” “How did it happen?” Tazia stiffened, sitting up straighter. For a moment only the sound of the clock ticking filled the room. I was about to ask again when a knock sounded on my door and I glanced over the back of the sofa with a scowl. “Expecting someone?” Tazia asked, focused on her lap where her fingers dug into her palms. I shook my head in the hope she could see me from the corner of her eye. Hauling myself from the chair with a groan, I stalked towards the door. I wanted to stay in my bubble with Taz and find out what had her reacting like

I’d shot her. Removing the chain on the door, I undid the lock. “He’s alive!” two voices shouted simultaneously before I even opened the door fully. I didn’t need to see the faces of two of my best friends to know who was out in the hallway. Their accents were major giveaways. Cale with his thick Finnish and Raffele with his Italian drawl. When I had the door opened wide, I blocked the living room, and in turn Tazia, from view. Bracing my arm on the door above my head, I said, “Of course I am. Why would you think otherwise?” “Anthony’s been giving us the runaround. The guy is like ex-Secret

Service with the way he can avoid questions,” Cale said. “We decided to come and see you for ourselves. What’s been going on, Dustin? Where have you been?” A scrape along the floorboards caused both of them to lock on to Tazia over my shoulder. “Oh, I see.” Raffele grinned knowingly and socked me on the arm. “I wouldn’t want to see us either if I had her.” “Not what it looks like, man. She’s my neighbour.” “Then I definitely wouldn’t leave the house. Aren’t you going to introduce us?” I rolled my eyes and grudgingly

stepped out of the doorway. “Guys, meet Tazia. Taz, this is Cale, and that embarrassing flirt is Raffele. Ignore anything they say.” I expected her to liven up a bit and be her usually bubbly self, yet Taz only gave the guys a wave. Then she faced me. “I should probably head back home.” She already had her crutches in her hands. From the corner of my eye I saw the guys’ shock at the sight of her cast. She refused to meet my eyes as she hobbled over to us, though Cale and Raffele got a brief smile. What the hell had I done? I glared at the guys and pointed at the sofa. Thankfully, they moved without

question and I headed after Taz. I closed the door behind me and reached for Taz’s wrist. Gently, I pulled, forcing her to stand toe-to-toe with me. “What’s going on?” She stared at my chest like she could burn a hole through it. “I forgot I have some stuff I need to do.” I placed my fingers under her chin lightly. Tilting her head back, I forced her to meet my gaze. “What did I say about lying to me, Taz?” “I’m not lying,” she said without blinking. I took a step forward and she mirrored the movement by taking a step backwards. Her back hit her door as she tried to widen the gap.

“There you go again. Don’t lie to me, Taz. What’s wrong?” “Nothing’s wrong. I needed to go.” Her door clicked open and she slipped inside her flat. “Taz—” “I’m fine.” She poked her head out of the tiny gap she left open. “Really, go hang out with your friends.” She shut the door in my face and even though I’d only known her a few weeks, I knew full well the final smile she’d given me wasn’t real. Her eyes said everything her mouth didn’t. They had been swirling with some kind of trouble Taz had been working hard to hide from me. She’d warned me from the beginning

she was fucked up, and I’d brushed it off. This was the first time I got a glimpse not everything in Tazia’s life was as perfect as she wanted everyone to believe. “Hey, I think she forgot her phone. Max hung up before I could get it to you,” Cale said coming out of my home. He held up Tazia’s mobile and the mention of Max sent a prickle of irritation down my spine. Everything had been fine until she’d received that phone call. Who was Max and what was he to Tazia? I glanced at her door and took the phone from Cale. Slipping it into my pocket, I decided to give it back later once the guys had gone. That way I could

talk to her and hopefully get some answers, because I needed to know what she was keeping from me. I refused to be taken for a ride again, and the more time I spent with her, the harder she became to resist. The only option left was the truth.

Chapter Thirteen Tazia I overreacted. I figured it out as soon as I shut my door and by then it was too late. The damage had been done and I

could tell from Dustin’s hardened expression he wasn’t going to let the subject go. If only I’d had the brains to figure that out earlier. Had I acted more reasonably, I could have avoided all of the questions bound to come my way. I couldn’t help it though. The last person I’d expected to be calling me was Max. Seeing his name threw me off balance, and combined with Dustin’s questions about my leg it became too much. I couldn’t have been more relieved when Cale and Raffele interrupted us. They gave me the perfect excuse to disappear and avoid the inquisition I saw forming in Dustin’s eyes.

I had no intention of spilling my secrets. After everything Dustin revealed I couldn’t. I’d already seen how my hints caused him to react and I could understand why. If he knew the full extent of what I concealed he would run away from me, and he needed me. At least that was what I told myself. I had done everything so far because I worried about him. I wanted to fix Dustin and my past would only break him further. Yeah, I was lying to myself. If it had been the truth, the thought of losing him wouldn’t have felt like a stab to the heart with a serrated knife. We’d only known each other a few weeks, yet being over there every day

gave me something to look forward to. I enjoyed his company and since his darker days had become more infrequent he was even more of a laugh to be around. I could easily fall for Dustin, and it took a conscious effort to remind myself it wasn’t an option. I couldn’t be the one to build him up only to destroy him all over again. It was why I stared at my front door for the rest of the evening, trying to come up with a believable lie. I assumed Dustin would be knocking on my door as soon as his mates left and I wanted to be ready. However, as it neared eleven o’clock he still hadn’t appeared. When it reached eleven thirty I thought I’d chanced my luck enough and

headed to bed. *** I didn’t get a chance to evade Dustin the next morning. Before I’d even slipped out of bed the hammering on my door began. “Taz!” I pulled the duvet over my head with a groan. The warmth embraced me and I sank further into the mattress. Burying my head into the pillow and darkness, I curled it up around my ears too, yet nothing deadened the sound of Dustin’s pounding. “Tazia, open the door.” I wondered how long it would take

for him to get the message I wasn’t coming. “I’ll break it down, Taz. Don’t test me.” What is he? A bloody mind reader now? With a curse I threw back my duvet. I lifted my cast on to the floor first and then hauled myself up into a sitting position. Grabbing my crutches from beside my nightstand, I tugged them on roughly and stood up. The entire way to the front door I grumbled under my breath, swearing to kill Dustin when I got my hands on him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? It’s eight a.m. on a Saturday,” I hissed as soon as I yanked my door open

and planted myself firmly in the entrance. His smirk only served to irritate me further. When his gaze dropped to take in my attire, an intense hunger filled his eyes as they lingered on my breasts. I probably should have thrown on a robe considering my top had a few embarrassingly placed holes and worn patches, yet I hadn’t been thinking in my aggravated state. “Up here, Dustin,” I growled. Snapping my fingers, I pointed at my chin but his stare remained glued to my chest. “Dustin! You did not get me out of bed at this time on the weekend just to ogle my boobs.” “I should have though.”

I huffed and stepped back. When I moved to shut the door his hand shot out and finally his eyes met mine. “Damn it. Taz, wait. I’m sorry.” Luckily for him a hint of remorse shone through, otherwise he’d have received a crutch to the balls. “I really did want to talk to you.” “What are the chances of me getting you to leave without saying what you want?” He pretended to think about it for a second with his fingers splayed over his jaw. “Pretty much non-existent.” “Fine.” I stepped back far enough to allow him in. Pointing at the sofa I said, “Sit there and wait while I get dressed.” “I’ll be good.”

I regarded him with suspicion. When I found nothing to betray his words I left him alone and went about washing and dressing, albeit slower than usual. The need to postpone the imminent conversation had me dragging out every step of my morning routine to an agonising pace. Even though I knew the reason for Dustin’s wakeup call and I had time to prepare I still couldn’t figure out what to tell him. Finally, I couldn’t stall any longer. I fluffed up my freshly dried hair, added a touch of lip gloss, and then slumped out into the living room only to find it empty. Hope flared in my chest. Maybe Dustin got bored and gave up. A grin

started to prick at the corners of my lips, then a hiss of a frying pan stifled it. I found Dustin standing by the stove in my kitchen, pushing eggs around a pan. He beamed at me over his shoulder when he heard my crutches. “I made you breakfast. With any luck it will go towards making up for waking you so early.” He slid the omelette onto a plate and pushed it over to me with a knife, fork, and a glass of orange juice. I studied it warily, spinning my plate to get every angle. “It’s not going to poison you, Taz. I swear. You’re not the only one who can cook.” I picked up my forkful dubiously. The

anticipation of his questions fuelled my suspicions, but I figured I could use it to my advantage and stall the conversation for a little longer. “Where did you get all of this? My cupboards are bare.” “I noticed.” Dustin’s tone filled with disapproval as he placed the dried pan on the counter. “I went home and got some stuff from there. Why haven’t you gone shopping?” “The delivery is coming later today.” I’d finally installed my internet because living without it had become a pain in the ass. “Oh,” Dustin said, pulling something out of his back pocket. “I forgot. You left your mobile at the flat yesterday.” He handed me the phone and my

stomach rolled when the screen lit up to five missed calls and two texts. All from Max. “I ended up switching it off the third time he rang.” “Sorry. I didn’t even notice it missing.” Not looking up from the screen I continued to poke at the device. With every deleted message the lines on my forehead deepened. I didn’t want to know what Max wanted. “Taz?” I hummed and deleted another unread text. “Tazia,” Dustin said more forcefully, creating a pull I couldn’t resist. I glanced up from my phone to peer at him.

“Who is he?” “A nobody.” Technically it was the truth. After what he’d done he was a nobody to me. “Doesn’t look or feel like a nobody.” My eyes narrowed with my scowl and I snapped my teeth together. “Well he is.” Dustin braced his forearms on the counter and stared at me. “Bullshit. If he meant nothing you wouldn’t be getting defensive. Who is he, Taz, and why did you change so quickly yesterday?” “I told you, he’s nobody you need to concern yourself with. I don’t.” I pushed away the plate of eggs, leaving half of it untouched and a crease of hurt flashed across Dustin’s face.

Instantly I felt bad, yet I couldn’t stomach any more. My gut churned like I’d been placed on a boat in the middle of a storm and the meal left the bitter taste of a bribe lingering in my mouth. “Don’t you like it?” “It tasted great. I’m just not hungry anymore.” Sighing, Dustin rounded the counter until he moved in front of me. I swivelled on my seat, tracking his movements to keep him in sight at all times. “Why can’t you let me in, Taz?” Dustin took my hands in his. They were surprisingly smooth for a guy’s hands. Each sweep of his thumb over my palm made me want to melt into his touch a

little further. Dustin stepped in between my legs and brushed a tendril of hair back behind my ear. When he pulled away his palm lingered to cup my jaw. He tilted my head back, keeping me focused on him and nothing else. “You know all there is to my story.” He swiped his thumb over my lip and I found myself wanting to draw it in between my lips to suck on. “Why can’t you do the same? I won’t judge you.” “I never thought you would,” I lied. “Then tell me. Who is Max and what does he want? Let me help you.” I cast my gaze down between us. My heart thrummed from both nerves and Dustin’s presence. Every beat came

harder than the previous until it felt like the damned thing was going to break out of my chest. I wet my lips and when I raised my eyes to meet his once more, the intensity I found in them sucked all of the air from the room. “I’m not ready,” I whispered pleadingly. “Come on, Taz. I know it’s scary, but trust in me. You forced me to talk so I’m not going to give up on you. Why do you admit to being fucked up?” I stared at him with wild eyes, imploring him not to continue. “I can’t. You’ll hate me.” He leaned in, so close I could feel his every breath sweeping across my cheek. The hairs on the back of my neck stood

on end. “I couldn’t ever hate you, Taz. You’ve revived me. Without knowing it you pulled me back from the edge. Let me do the same for you.” I focused on his lips and before I realised what I was doing I closed the distance between us. I touched my lips to his, gently at first. It was only meant to distract him, yet as soon as our lips met I couldn’t pull away. My hands found his hips, sliding around his waist and linking behind his back. I pressed my lips against his harder and Dustin responded. His hand tangled into my hair, holding me in place while he deepened the kiss. Each caress from him sent a spark of electricity over my skin

until my body hummed. Dustin ran his tongue over my bottom lip, demanding entry. With a moan I parted them. He tasted like mint toothpaste. I wound my arms tighter around him, not wanting to let him go. With every stroke of his tongue a fresh burst of pleasure shot through my body. I whimpered when he took my bottom lip between his and pulled on it gently. Heat soared through me and my heart beat erratically. I clawed at the back of his shirt, fisting the material. With a grunt, Dustin pulled away. His chest heaving, he gazed down at me hungrily.

Slowly, he untangled his hand from my hair. He brushed his knuckles over my cheek and I leaned into his hand. Dustin opened his mouth to say something when the shrill of my phone interrupted him. Jumping apart from him, I glanced over at the device and ignored the call from Max. When I returned my attention to Dustin, all traces of passion vanished. The eyes that had once been filled with need were now hard with irritation. His jaw clenched and his nostrils flared. “Who is he, Tazia?” “Dustin, please.” I wanted to go back to how things were seconds ago. I hadn’t expected him to feel so good and I needed to feel it again. I reached for

him. When he stepped back that single action hurt more than a punch to the gut. “I need to know,” he gritted out. “I-I can’t. Not yet.” He balled his hands into fists. “Then what just happened can’t happen again.” “Why? From where I was sitting it felt pretty spectacular.” My shoulders slumped and I huffed dramatically. “I can’t let you in, Taz. You know why. Until you tell me everything I can’t take that chance again.” I did know why, and I hated it. It was a fucking catch twenty-two. He wanted me to tell him to protect himself, and I shielded him for the same reason. Regardless, I’d rather have Dustin as a friend or neighbour than not in my life

at all. As soon as I told him he’d look at me differently. He’d compare me to Elora and as soon as he linked me to her whatever we had going on would be over before the spark could ignite. “I can’t, Dustin. I’m sorry.” “Yeah, me too.”

Chapter Fourteen Dustin It had been ten days since Tazia kissed me. Ten fucking days of awkward

glances, half-assed smiles, and stilted conversations. It had also been ten days of hell where I tried to pretend I didn’t want her. Before the kiss I could only imagine what she’d feel like pressed against me, now I had every curve, taste, and smell ingrained into my memory. And I wanted it bad. It was a relief to be in Monza and away from it all. I didn’t have to see Tazia parading around her flat in her mouth-watering pyjamas, I didn’t have to hear her laugh that melted my insides, and I could attempt to push her from my mind for at least the weekend. Well, it had taken me a good few hours to finally succeed at that since

she’d left me with a worrying conversation about taking care of Ralf and Michael. “Are you sure you’re going to be able to look after them?” I queried, packing the last set of clothes into a duffle bag. “Yeah, sure. We’ll have a great time, won’t we, Ralf?” Tazia tapped on the glass lightly, making the creatures scurry into hiding. “Positive? You know they need to be fed regularly and the tank needs cleaning this week.” She gave me a devilish grin. “I guess this is a bad time to bring up the turtle I killed as a kid.”

“What?” I shrieked, my voice cracking around the word. “Turtles are meant to outlive us! I’m calling Nadine to look after both of you. You obviously can’t be trusted.” “Who’s Nadine?” Tazia scrunched up her nose in distaste. “Why? Jealous?” She laughed, even if it held an undercurrent of tension. “No, but just in case why don’t you tell me who she is?” “She’s a friend. I know her through Raine and she’s the only one who’s going to be around since everyone else is in Monza. Do I need to call her?” Tazia feigned innocence and batted away my concerns. “Don’t worry, I’ve

got it.” “What about the turtle?” “It was ill when we got it, don’t panic. I was only winding you up.” “Not funny.” Even though I felt confident in Tazia’s ability to feed Michael and Ralf on a regular basis, the conversation didn’t exactly have me skipping onto the plane. I’d grown to adore those tiny creatures. Nevertheless, after take-off all of those problems were left behind and I focused on the more prominent ones because Monza was a bittersweet escape since it only replaced one problem with another. As one of the few races to coincide with the Formula One calendar it meant Teo

would be at the track, and therefore so would Raine. From what I’d seen in the gossip magazine they’d been inseparable since Silverstone. Just because I may not have spoken to my brother or best friend since I’d stormed out of our flat it didn’t mean I’d stopped caring. They hadn’t tried to call and I made sure we never ran into each other, but I followed their lives in my own way. It was the longest either of us had ever gone without speaking. I didn’t know how to act around them and it probably felt the same on their end. “Hey, Dustin!” someone called out from behind me. I spun to find Zeke Lawson jogging

up to meet me. With wide eyes I glanced nervously around the pit lane. As one of the top Formula One drivers, the media cared what Zeke did. He drew attention everywhere he went either because of his status or his reputation with women. He also happened to be one of Teo’s closest friends so it made him a dangerous person to be seen with since I had been attempting to blend in. People noticed Zeke when he called my name a second time so I did the only thing I could think of. I fled. I headed straight for my garage, dipping my hat low over my eyes and gently pushing through the crowd. I was about to search for Anthony when a hand landed on my shoulder.

Zeke blocked my exit, not even out of breath. The bastard. I couldn’t be classed as unfit, but I was nowhere near his league. He entered triathlons for crying out loud. “What did you run for? Didn’t you hear me shouting?” “Yes. That’s exactly why I ran. I’m trying to keep a low profile,” I grumbled and caught sight of Anthony coming through from the back of the garage over Zeke’s shoulder. Zeke laughed. “I don’t think you’re that well known right now, Dust. Wait until next year, though. I heard you’re going to be my teammate.” I drew my gaze back to him. “Uh, I haven’t signed anything, but hopefully.

And I can deal with that kind of attention, it’s Teo or Raine I’m running from. They’re usually not far behind you. Have you seen them?” Zeke gave me a knowing grin. “They’re back at the hotel so you’re safe. I don’t think they’ll be leaving until Teo’s manager hauls him off, literally. If you know what I mean.” I couldn’t hold in the disgusted choke. “Thanks for the lovely mental image.” “No problem, it’s what I’m here for. Why are you running from them? You know they miss you, right?” I groaned and massaged my forehead. “Does everyone know about my problems?” Zeke shook his head. “No, that’s the

problem, pal. No one knows what’s going on or how to help you.” I puffed out my cheeks and blew the air from them. “Listen, I appreciate the concern from everyone. But I need to do this by myself and I’m getting there.” “You had better be in shape for next season. I want to beat your brother’s ass and the team needs you to make it possible. The sponsors will eat up the brothers racing against each other shit too.” “I will. I’m planning on beating him myself, though I don’t want to jump the gun. I haven’t even been offered a contract.” Zeke folded his arms. “You might want to check with your manager; I think

you’re a certainty at this point. Everyone wants you on board.” Something over my shoulder caught Zeke’s attention and his expression shifted to a shit-eating grin in a split second. “Anyway, good talk, and now I see a cute brunette over there who looks like she could use a good time.” Zeke clapped me on the back and strolled past me. *** I managed to make it the whole weekend without running into Teo or Raine. At least I thought I had.

The celebrations over my win with my team were still in full swing when a sharp, familiar voice cut through the cheers. “Hey, dipshit!” I spun so quickly I nearly fell over. The crowd around me parted, most of my mechanics still awed by my brother’s presence as he strolled through them. I thought they’d have been used to it by now, but obviously not. “Teo, hey.” I passed the trophy I’d been holding off to one of my engineers, and just in time. As soon as my hands were free, Teo threw his arms around me in a crushing hug. “Shit, it’s good to see you. Nice race today, by the way.” He pulled back and

squeezed my shoulders. “Wish I could say the same,” I teased. My eyes creased in jest, and for once I felt on top of the world. The contrast between my previous races was undeniable. “Yeah, yeah. You’ve missed me, admit it.” “Yeah. I also miss the poison ivy rash I got when I was twelve because you pushed me in a ditch.” Teo shook his head and we both laughed. “You look good, Dustin.” “I feel good.” And it was the truth. I’d dominated the whole weekend on track, even managing to crack a joke for the cameras. “Yeah? Does that mean this self-

imposed isolation has come to an end? Raine’s been nagging me to get in contact with you all weekend.” And there we went. I kept my smile up, though inside my stomach roiled uneasily. I knew it wasn’t possible to run into him without him bringing up the past. “I may look okay, Teo, but I need more time. You know I love Raine, but she’ll pry. I’m getting there, I promise, just…give me a bit more time.” Teo’s face fell, his eyes gleaming with concern. “You know you’re not in this alone, right? We’re both here for you no matter what.” I dropped my hand to his shoulder, squeezing it in thanks. “I know, and I’m

not alone. I promise I’ll come and see Raine when I’m ready.” Teo nodded curtly. “I’m going to ask her to marry me, by the way. I haven’t decided when, but I wanted you to be the first to know.” “Like you needed to tell me. You’ve been hung up on her for years. It’s about bloody time if you ask me.” I pulled him into a hug. “Congrats, I’m glad you two worked it out.” Teo chuckled. “She hasn’t said yes yet.” “She will. You don’t have to worry about that. Your love is one of a kind.” Teo separated us, although he kept hold of my arms. The stare he gave me became serious and bore into me.

“You’ll find someone too, Dustin. Elora wasn’t the one. However, that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone.” Tazia instantly filled my mind. Yeah, I knew there was someone out there, I just didn’t know if I could take the risk and trust her. I clapped Teo on his back. “Good luck in your race. Destroy Hattersey while you’re out there.” “I intend to. His career is over after the shit he pulled. You’re not going to watch?” I shrugged. “I will if I can. Anthony’s hovering with my lawyer like he needs me for something though.” Teo widened his stance, folded his arms, and straightened his lips into a

tight line. “What have you done now?” “What do you mean what have I done now? When was the last time I did anything?” “How about when you ended up in jail?” “For a few hours,” I reminded him. People in my life sure liked hanging my off days over me. I did a few stupid things and suddenly they labelled me the drunk street brawler who’d landed his ass in jail. Like they’d never done stupid shit! I hated the smug look Teo gave me. “How did that happen again?” “Fuck off.” “Come on, one more time. I swear I’ll never bring it up again.”

I tilted my head to the side, bending my knees to catch a glimpse of the clock hidden behind a lower section of the roof. “Haven’t you got a race to prepare for?” Teo raised his wrist, glancing down at his overly large watch. It happened to be one of the many items he wore to transform him into a human billboard. “Luckily for you, yeah. Don’t be a stranger, Dustin. We’re all here for you if you need us. Remember that.” We gave each other an awkward half hug, half manly thump on the back. Only when Teo left the garage did I heave a sigh of relief at the fact I’d made it through one conversation without being interrogated. Then again, Raine was the

one I expected a grilling from. “Does this mean I can stop disallowing them into your races again?” I spun in shock at Anthony’s voice, having not heard his approach. “Could you move any quieter?” “Not my fault you’re deaf. What’s happening with Teo?” “Nothing. You keep them out like normal.” Anthony’s forehead wrinkled and his eyebrows knitted together. “I don’t understand, Dustin. You’ve been in a good place this weekend. Isn’t it time to let everyone back in?” “If you want me to stay in a good place and get into Formula One this is how it has to be.”

His chest heaved with his sigh. “Speaking of which, I have a contract from Sabre I want you to look over. It’s a good deal.” “I’ll read it on the plane.”

Chapter Fifteen Tazia I didn’t realise how much I’d been relying upon Dustin’s company to keep me entertained until he left the country.

Even though we’d only seen each other sporadically for the last couple of weeks, I still missed the occasional time we spent together. And I was only becoming more agitated since I’d begun counting down the final seven days until I could get the freaking cast removed from my leg. Dustin managed to distract me from my wallowing, and now I had nothing but time and nothing to fill it with. I guessed it would all change once the cast came off since I could get back to work at the bakery. I’d been ordered to stay away since when I’d tried to keep working, I tripped over my crutch and sent a bowl of cake mix flying across the room. Then when I tried to take over the front of house and ring up the sales,

staying on my feet all day became too exerting. I was a disaster waiting to happen and without any other option, my boss forced to take sick leave. However, I really missed the place. Nevertheless, until I healed I remained stuck at home sulking. Yes sulking. The alarm on my phone chimed, alerting me to the fact I needed to feed Michael and Ralf. I’d agreed to take care of them while Dustin raced, but even I questioned my decision to buy them over a stick insect. For creatures so tiny they sure ate a lot. Then again, I’d been moaning about having nothing to do and they were adorable. With a grumble I picked up my

crutches, grabbed Dustin’s key, and headed next door. It felt strange being in his home without him, especially hunting through his fridge to retrieve the Mysis shrimp. I chuckled, remembering how Dustin reacted to the idea of keeping them next to his food. He’d originally intended to feed them fish flakes until the breeder corrected him, and the look he’d given me still burned to think about it. When I’d reminded him it was like keeping prawns in his freezer he’d warmed up to the idea even if the thought still revolted him a little. I saw the way he handled the food at arm’s length and with his head turned in the opposite direction. I, on the other hand, had no aversions. I even liked hand-feeding

Michael and Ralf. I pulled out a shrimp and dipped my hand into the water. Keeping as still as possible I allowed Ralf to slowly make his way up to take the food and repeated the process a few times. Once they’d both eaten an equal amount, I rested my chin on top of my hands on the cabinet the tank sat on. Watching their slow and gentle movements always calmed me. “What am I meant to do, guys?” Raising one hand to the glass, I held my finger against it and Michael made his way over. Ralph, on the other hand, stayed among the plants. “Not got an answer for me?” I drew a shape on the tank slowly so Michael

could follow my finger. “I should tell him everything, shouldn’t I? It’s pointless worrying over something I don’t have the answer to. What if he doesn’t hate me?” Realising my finger wasn’t food, Michael swam away. I pulled out two more shrimp from the container and placed one in each hand. “Okay, I’m trusting you guys with this. Right hand means I tell Dustin everything, left means I don’t. What should I do?” I dipped my hands into the water once more and waited patiently for them to make their way over to me. Michael reached me first, although Ralf wasn’t far behind. Each went for the opposite hand.

With a sigh I withdrew my hands from the tank and dried them off. “Well you two are absolutely no help. I guess that’s what I get for trusting seahorses.” I shut the lid and returned the shrimp to the freezer. With a final fleeting look at the tank I hobbled out into the hallway and into my flat, shut my door behind me, and dropped my keys into the bowl. My right arm shot out away from my body, jerking me off balance when my crutch slipped on something. I managed to catch myself and once I’d righted myself, I glanced down at the white card which had caused me to slip. There was nothing on the front to give away what lay inside, but it had obviously been slid under my door since

it had no address or postal mark. I picked it up and ran my finger under the flap. It opened easily, not having been sealed, and I slid the card out to see a simple watercolour painting of a vase of flowers. Perplexed, I unhooked one crutch and rested it against the wall. With my hand free I parted the card, catching the slip of paper that fell from the middle. Turning it over, a grainy image of me hugging Dustin outside our building stared up at me. It had been taken from the opposite side of the street the day Dustin left for Monza. I held my breath and slipped my thumb in to the middle of the card.

You’re not his .

Those were the only three words written in a messy scrawl I couldn’t recognise. My hand trembled as I flipped the card over. There was nothing on the back—no logo, brand, or price code—and nothing to give me a clue to where or who it came from. I gawked at the picture and the sinister words again. Leaning back against my door, I attempted to calm my breathing, which I hadn’t realised had increased to the point I was gasping. I stared at the photo, wondering who could have taken it. Only two names immediately jumped out at me: Max and Elora.

It had to be a sick joke, right? I didn’t think Max would go to such lengths because I ignored a few calls. He hadn’t wanted me so he shouldn’t have cared whether I was friends with Dustin. Yet I couldn’t rule him out, even if my gut told me to place my money on Elora. I’d seen how quickly she could snap and how she treated Dustin. But what did that have to do with me? I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, certain I could erase one suspect from my short list. I’d avoided calling Max back because I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. Things may have ended amicably, yet the run up to the end had been far from it. I had suspicions over what he wanted, but he’d made his

choice and he had to live with it. I’d moved on after all, and he’d wised up too late. At least that’s what I’d tell him if we ever got onto the subject. I didn’t plan on talking to him for long. Swiping to return his call, I raised the mobile to my ear. My heart thundered against my ribcage and my palms became so clammy I thought the phone would slide from my grip. With every ring the burning in my lungs intensified until I was forced to exhale and relieve the pressure. I swallowed hard, glared at the ceiling, and tapped my fingers impatiently against the handle of my crutch. Finally the call connected. “Hello?”

My jaw seized up so I couldn’t get a word out. I’d have settled for a mumbled grunt, and even that seemed impossible. “Tazzie?” I rubbed my chest with my free hand, pressing down hard as if I could physically squash the pain in my heart into submission. The sound of my old nickname wasn’t helping my composure in the slightest. Grinding my teeth together, I forced the words out with a grimace. “Max, hi. Are you free to talk? I need to ask you something important.” “Yeah, I’m good. I’ve been trying to reach you too. I’m glad you finally called me back, I was starting to think maybe you changed your number.”

A disgruntled grunt slipped from my lips. “I’ll go first,” I said because that way I could hang up on him without giving him the chance to say anything back. “Okay, what did you want to talk about?” he asked warily. “Have you sent me anything recently?” I couldn’t build up the courage to ask if he’d stopped by to hand deliver a card. Admitting the envelope wasn’t delivered by regular mail made it seem all the more creepy. “No. Should I have? I thought you’d taken everything you wanted, but I can have it sent over if there’s something you’ve remembered.” It didn’t sound like a lie. In fact he

sounded genuinely apologetic at the fact he may have forgotten to send over some of my belongings. By the guilt in his tone he would no doubt be pacing the length of the living room, pausing to look out the window every minute. It was an action he’d performed on numerous occasions when stressed. I’d seen him repeat it over and over again, especially in the lead up to our separation. “No, Max. There isn’t anything I need.” I prayed he didn’t question why I’d called to ask and my instincts cried for me to hang up. “Oh, okay.” I heard the sound of the sofa puffing around his weight and his huff. It hadn’t taken much to placate him. “So how are you?”

I knew I should have listened to my gut. “I’m good. Slowly healing and finally getting this cast off in a few days.” “Yeah? That’s great, Tazzie. There haven’t been any other complications?” Other? What happened wasn’t enough? Instead of voicing my thoughts I gave him the answer that allowed him to stop asking. “I’m good, Max. You don’t need to worry about me.” A heavy sigh came through the speaker. “I know, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately.” Warning sirens blared in my head as the conversation headed in a direction I didn’t want it to, though I still couldn’t

bring myself to peel the phone from my ear and hang up. “I should have been there for you, Tazzie. I didn’t think about us all, I let my pain consume me so much I forgot yours. I’m sorry.” I hung my head, admiring the white pattern on the cast as I tilted my foot from side to side. “Tazia?” His voice trembled. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Max.” “Tell me you forgive me. I handled everything awfully and if I could go back and undo it all I would. I’m asking for you to give me another chance. I know I have no right to ask it of you, but please let me prove how sorry I am. We were

good together.” “I can’t, Max.” The words were barely a whisper, the choking emotions I’d thought I’d got over paralysing my vocal cords. “What happened wasn’t your fault, Tazia. I know that now and I can’t tell you how much it’s kept me awake at night. I should never have blamed you and my only excuse is I was in a dark place.” Anger surged through my veins. “And I wasn’t? You may have witnessed it, Max. I lived every excruciating second.” “I know that now.” “I needed you to know it back then. I needed my fiancé to stand by me, not blame me, refuse to look at me, and then

leave me while I attempted to recover.” I never knew I held so much pent up rage directed at him. Since I moved out I’d been focused on getting on with my life. I’d never seen the point of going over old arguments or tormenting myself with the past. Max proved he didn’t want me and I’d dealt with it in the best way at the time. Regardless, hearing him bring it all up again made me realise I’d never accepted what had happened. Fury still tainted my blood and it had every right to be there. Why the hell would he think I’d magically forgive him? “I let you down, I get it.” He’d done more than that. We’d both been devastated, though whereas I tried

to support us both, Max abandoned me. He withdrew and when he came back he repeatedly punched me when I was down. I had tried to be strong enough for the both of us, until it became too much. He’d given up on me when I’d needed him most despite his promise of forever. “Do you?” I hadn’t meant to screech, but I was tired of being the strong one. “Do you honestly understand what you put me through?” “I’d like to try. Please give me one more shot, Tazzie.” “I can’t. I gave you every chance back then and you ignored them all.” I drew the phone from my ear, about to hang up when his next words seized my joints.

“It’s because of another guy isn’t it?” My lip trembled. I’d written Max off as the sender, yet if he knew about Dustin… How did he know about Dustin? My mind whirled too much for me to form a response. Had I really been so wrong about Max? A sound of a door being unlocked across the hall caught my attention. I peered out of the peep hole to see the curve of Dustin’s back hunched over his bag as he pushed the door open. My lips quirked at the sight of him and relief spread through me. Max all about forgotten, I pulled the phone from my ear and hung up. I slid the phone

back into my pocket then swung my door wide. I stumbled into the hall as quickly as possible and threw myself at Dustin with a cry. “You’re back!” Dustin dropped his bag to catch me on instinct, and wrapped his arms around my waist to keep me from falling over. He lifted me so only my toes grazed the floor and I buried my face in the crook of his neck. Every time I inhaled his smell of spice and sandalwood hit me. Then his deep chuckle vibrated against my cheek. “Hey, Taz. Excited to see me or something?” Dustin lowered me to the floor, my body sliding against his. Neither of us

moved to step back so chest-to-chest I gazed up at him and the longing he exuded startled me. The light green of his eyes darkened to an emerald shade that swirled with hunger. His hand remained splayed on my back, holding me against him as he dipped his head. On impulse, I shut my eyes and my lips parted in anticipation of feeling him against me once more. The warm caress of his breath washing over my skin sent a spike of electricity through my body to raise the hairs on the back of my neck. When the light above me was blocked out I inhaled sharply, waiting for the second his mouth would meet mine.

I leaned in, desperate to feel him. Finally, his lips grazed mine in barely a whisper of a touch. A moan of protest slipped from my lips when he parted and the musical sound of Dustin’s husky laugh caused me to shiver. “We shouldn’t be doing this,” he murmured, shocking me when his lips scraped my ear. “I really don’t care.” Dustin cupped my jaw, his thumb swiping over my cheekbone. The touch drew my eyes to his. “I should though.” I rested my head further into his palm and covered the back of his hand with my own to keep him there. Turning, I

pressed my lips to his palm. “What’s the worst that could happen?” “You could break me.” I nipped at the tip of his finger when he trailed it over my bottom lip. “Aren’t we both already broken?” “You could shatter me like no one else, Taz.” Rather than meet my eyes he stared off into the distance over my shoulder. “You could destroy me.” I reached up, taking his jaw between my fingers and forcing his attention back to me. “I don’t want to.” “That doesn’t mean you won’t.” “No, but it means I’ll do everything in my power to try not to.” The resolve in his eyes wavered. He couldn’t meet my gaze for long. He

exhaled heavily, and his jaw kept tensing beneath my palm. “Dustin,” I said, drawing his focus back to me. “It’s only a kiss.” It wasn’t. We both knew I was lying and if we started down this road it would lead to more. Regardless, Dustin pulled me into him. Pressing on the small of my back, he didn’t stop until I was flush against his chest. With his other hand he swiped back a lock of hair to slide it behind my ear. He lowered his head, dipping until his forehead rested against mine. “I’m trusting you, Taz.” I responded in a whisper, “Me too. You’re not the only one who stands to

lose, Dust.” Finally, he closed the gap between us and his lips met mine slowly, but forcefully. He claimed and possessed me, marking me as his with his mouth. Every ounce of pain and fear was shared through our kiss. When I parted my lips Dustin’s tongue immediately swept into me. I moaned, raising my arms to encircle him. I ran my fingers through the shaggy locks of hair at the back of his neck, pulling on them until he grunted against me. Even though no space remained between us, Dustin forced me against him harder then dropped his head to my shoulder. He placed a tender kiss

directly over the pulse point in my neck and mumbled against my skin, “Please don’t break me, Taz.” I held him in place and squeezed. I wanted to promise him I wouldn’t, only the ball of guilt lodged at the back of my throat refused to let me lie. All I could promise him was I’d try, and it wasn’t what he needed to hear.

Chapter Sixteen Dustin “Hey guys.” “Oh joy,” I muttered sarcastically against Taz’s neck, recognising the

voice. Reluctantly, I raised my head and untangled myself from Tazia’s grip, missing her sweet, sugary smell immediately. However, I refused to drop my arms from around Taz’s waist, forcing her to spin until her back pressed against my chest and my hands splayed over her stomach. Resting my chin on her head, the comforting smell of her shampoo soothed me. Perry broke away from my glower to regard our position with suspicion and annoyance. I couldn’t help but smirk at him. “Great, we can go out to celebrate then. I’ll book a table. Does eight thirty work for you?” Perry’s comment dragged me from my thoughts. I glared at

the top of Tazia’s head when she nodded against me. I knew she couldn’t see me, although I hoped she felt the heat burning into her. What had I missed? “Okay, good. I’ll see you then.” With a nervous wave at Taz and an irritated scowl directed at me, Perry entered the stairwell to leave us alone once more. As soon as the door clattered shut I spun Tazia around. “What was that about?” Taz tilted her head to the side. “Jealous?” A low growl rumbled in my throat. “Don’t test me, Taz.” She framed my jaw with both of her hands, angling it down so my eyes met

hers. “It’s only dinner. I agreed to it before I’d even met you. It’s my way of saying thank you to him.” “For what?” “Helping me move in.” I trailed my hand from around her waist to take her hand. With the other I pushed open my door and dragged her in behind me. “Dustin, slow down!” she cried, hopping along after me and struggling to keep up with my furious strides. I didn’t know what had come over me, but I felt the need to imprint upon her that she was mine and I didn’t take kindly to mind games. I backed her into the wall, caging her in with my body. “Tell me you won’t

go.” She attempted to fold her arms, only the minute gap I’d left between us allowed for little movement. She settled for a huff. “I’m a grown woman, I can do whatever I bloody want, Dustin.” I braced one arm by the side of her head, allowing it to support my full weight, and I leaned over her. “Tell me, Taz.” “Why can’t I go? What’s wrong with him? You’ve been weird about it since the first day I came over. What’s all the bad blood between you two about?” Her lips set in a defiant line, her eyes cool and calculating. It was the total opposite from how she’d been looking at me only moments ago.

Fucking Perry. “There isn’t any bad blood. I just know he’s not a good guy.” She snorted a laugh. “He seems harmless to me. What’s he going to do with the tiny body he’s got?” “He preys on women, Tazia. That bumbling, always smiling neighbour thing he has going on is an act. Deep down he’s a pervert.” This time she laughed for real. “Says the guy who’s pinned me to a wall with a hard-on.” “Damn it, Taz!” I punched the wall. My fist landed next to her head and the plasterboard shuddered. I regretted it immediately. Tazia recoiled from me, her eyes and mouth wide in fear. Her

reaction gutted me in a second. My body felt cold as my heart recalled all of the blood it’d pumped out at a rapid rate. The only sound filling the distance between us, which suddenly felt like a gorge, were my shallow breaths. I screwed my eyes shut and focused on calming myself. When I finally spoke, I made an effort to soften my voice. “Can you please trust me on this?” “I can’t back out now. I owe him for helping me. Which, by the way, wouldn’t be necessary if you hadn’t knocked me over in the first place.” A defiant glint sparkled in her eyes. Normally, I found her challenges sexy, though this time it only irritated me. I rested my head on my fist. “You’re

never going to let me forget that, are you?” She hummed, feigning thought, and dragged the sound out for a full five seconds before answering me. “Nope.” I refrained from rolling my eyes. Knowing I had no hope of winning against her stubborn resolve, I asked, “It’s only dinner?” “It’s only dinner.” “Fine, but he’d better keep his hands to himself.” “And why’s that?” She smiled, and her eyes held the laughter she wanted to release. “Isn’t it obvious, Taz? You’re mine now, and I don’t share.” She giggled and the sound sent a

warm trickle of pleasure into my bloodstream. “Are you sure you want to do this? Us I mean.” I settled my lips over hers. It should have only been a quick peck, yet when I tasted her I couldn’t pull myself away. Her lips quirked up against mine, only encouraging me further. Tazia placed her hands on my chest to push me away, and I moved my attack to her jaw, then her neck. Trailing over her skin quickly, I reached her collarbone and grazed the sensitive spot there with my teeth. “All right, I get the message.” She giggled, the sound tingling against my mouth. When she gave me one final shove I broke away and caught a glimpse

of the aquarium in the corner of the room. “Hey, Michael, Ralf. You survived! The crazy lady didn’t kill you.” I headed over to check on my seahorses. Crouching down so I was level with the cabinet, I watched them both swimming around. Tazia’s stare burned into my back. “Did she look after you properly? I swear I’ll find someone better next time.” “Hey, don’t be an ass,” Tazia protested. “I looked after them perfectly. By the end I think I started to prefer their company.” I spun around and raised an eyebrow to give Taz a crooked grin. “Now who’s

being an asshole?” Tazia huffed dramatically, and placed one hand on her hip. “Fine, I’ll take mine back if you take yours back.” “No deal. You’re not caring for them again.” She glared at me in disbelief, her mouth opening to spew what I assumed would be an argument. Once again I’d managed to darken her eyes to a shade of black which should have been impossible. It was strange, the same expression from Elora had me backing away and preparing to defend myself from a shower of punches or objects hurled at me. However, from Tazia it only made me want to push her further. She stunned

me normally, yet something about the fire in her eyes made her look powerful, in a hot way, and I revelled in it. Since I told her everything, I’d been worried she’d treat me differently, even if it happened subconsciously. Every time we argued I waited for her to stifle her anger and physical contact, but she never did. It was one of the many reasons I decided to take the risk and give a relationship with her a try. Tazia was different from everyone else. When I spoke I saw her understanding and rather than feel sympathy for me, empathy emanated from her. I only wished I knew why. “Why the hell not? I did a perfect job!” she cried, storming across the

room. Her cast thumped against the wooden floor until she stopped directly in front of me. I parted my legs, drawing her between them. Then slowly, I ran my hands up over her calves and continued along her back as I stood. I chuckled. “You know, your parents did a good job with your name.” Tazia regarded me with confusion. “Why?” She drew out the word suspiciously. “You’re like Taz, the Tasmanian Devil.” Her mouth opened and closed silently, like a goldfish, while she struggled to find a retort. “At least without the spitting, bad

breath, general ugliness, and lack of English,” I went on. “Keep digging, Dustin, and this relationship will be over quicker than it started.” I stifled a laugh at the three cute little lines right between her eyebrows. “But those were nice things.” “Uh huh…you keep telling yourself that.” I dipped to smooth the frown lines with my lips. “Anyway, there’s a reason I don’t want you looking after Michael and Ralf.” She grumbled and folded her arms. “Why?” “Because I want you at my next race.” She hadn’t been expecting me to say

that, the shock plastered on her face made that clear. I also wasn’t ashamed to admit I got a small amount of pleasure from being able to stun her into silence. With what appeared to be an enormous amount of energy, Tazia composed herself and feigned nonchalance. “We’ll see. I might have something on.” “Sure you do,” I drawled out sarcastically. She’d be at my next race and she knew it.

Chapter Seventeen Tazia I was free. Finally! After eight eternal weeks, my cast

had been removed. It turned out I had to wait a little longer to ditch the crutches completely though. After the plaster had been cut off, I wanted to dive off the exam table and run out to the car where I’d made Dustin wait. I refused to allow him to see my leg after not being able to shave for eight weeks. No way in hell would that happen. My enthusiasm had been quickly snuffed out by my doctor, who held me in place and explained I still needed to take things easy. He’d also given me numerous daily exercises designed to strengthen my leg again. So I wasn’t really free. Maybe half free.

At least I’d been given the all clear to return to work in a few weeks and I didn’t have to lug around a lump of stone with me. After a copious amount of warnings and instructions, I was finally able to leave. With more of a bounce—or sway —to my gait, I exited the hospital where Dustin instantly appeared at my side. “You’re still on crutches.” He scowled down at the offending pieces of metal extending my limbs. “Is everything okay? Did it not heal properly?” I placed a hand on his arm, calming him. “I’m fine. I only have to take it easy and strengthen my leg again since I haven’t used it for eight weeks.” “Are you sure?”

His scrutiny made me think he was one second away from curling me into his arms and carrying me over to the car. Whilst I didn’t think I’d have minded being in his arms one bit, I didn’t want the scene. “Come on, I’m ready to go home. I really need a shower.” A devilish smirk erased his frown. He bent over, tugging at the bottom of my jeans I was glad to be able to wear once more. “Let me see. You probably look like Bigfoot!” I stepped back out of his reach and batted away his hand with my crutch. “Leave me alone. You are not seeing my leg.” “One peek.” I swatted away his attempt for a

second time. “No. Look at your own leg. I’d have thought you were used to it by now.” “Not on my girlfriends I haven’t.” He grinned up at me, showing me his teeth. “I’m your girlfriend?” Dustin righted himself and his teasing faltered ever so slightly while his gaze darted over my shoulder. “Of course. What else would you be?” I shrugged. “I don’t know. Friend? Or neighbour with benefits?” He growled in disgust. “First of all, I don’t do that. Secondly, if I did, what kind of benefits am I getting besides baked goods? Your cooking may be orgasmic, but it’s not really the benefit I’m after.”

I ignored the comment about my cooking; he didn’t need me encouraging him. I did, however, scrunch up my nose in distaste. “Why do you sound so offended? Your brother does it all of the time and then has it splashed across the magazines.” “I’m not my brother, and there’s a reason he used to be like that. He’s utterly devoted to Raine again now. At the time he was going through some messed up shit—” “So are you.” He huffed. “Taz, I’ve never been that guy and I never will be. I thought I made that clear a couple of days ago.” I finally allowed my smile to shine through. It had been an effort to keep it

under control. “I know, I just like messing with you. I’m happy to be your girlfriend.” “You’ll pay for that later.” I lifted one shoulder, unfazed. “Can it wait until after I get home from dinner? I don’t have long to get ready and there’s a lot to do.” “Like what? Throw on some trackies and a hoody, preferably one of mine, and hey presto. It won’t even take you five minutes.” He draped an arm over my shoulders and awkwardly guided me to his car. “Stop being a caveman. I told you it’s only dinner.” “Yeah, it’s only dinner with the biggest pervert in our building.”

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me. “Old argument, Dustin. I’m going no matter what you say.” He dropped a kiss to the top of my head. “Stubborn woman.” “You haven’t seen anything yet.” *** It took an enormous amount of effort, but I managed to persuade Dustin to leave me alone to get ready. His attempt to veto any outfit that dared to show a sliver of skin drove me insane and also slowed down the process. I understood his reservations about me having dinner with Perry. I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the situation myself.

Still, we’d only been together for a couple of days and possessiveness wasn’t a trait I’d become accustomed to. The only reason I bit my tongue throughout every comment was because I knew he had lingering issues. Nevertheless, even I had a breaking point and after the third outfit—I’d changed because I wanted to, not for him —I drew the line and kicked him out. Funnily, all it took was threatening his supply of macarons and he left the room quicker than The Flash. At eight fifteen I’d finished hooking my necklace around my neck when someone knocked on my door. Spinning the angel wing pendant around so it rested on my breastbone, I ran my

fingers over the metal feathers and cast my gaze skywards. With a shaky breath I blinked away my tears, gathered all of my belongings into my shoulder bag, and drew up my best polite, people-pleasing façade. I opened the door to find Perry mostly behind a bouquet of bright yellow daisies. I half expected Dustin to jump out into the hallway and give him hell. However, as I took the flowers with thanks and set them on the side table his door didn’t even crack. “You look great,” Perry said. I’d settled on a midnight blue, off the shoulder skater dress. The last time I’d been able to dress up felt like forever ago, and whilst it wasn’t for the man I

wanted, I loved any excuse to put on a pretty dress, full make-up, and feel good about myself. I only wished I’d been able to wear heels too, except it didn’t seem like the best idea considering my dodgy leg. I’d gone with simple ballet pumps. “Thanks.” I shuffled out into the hallway, slipping my arms into my crutches on the way out. The action caught Perry’s attention immediately. “I thought your leg had healed.” His tone sounded accusatory and his stare burned into the crutches like he could melt them. “It is, but I still need to take it easy.” He flicked his eyes to mine with

uncertainty. “Maybe we should postpone this until you’re fully recovered.” “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. I’ve been stuck in that freaking cast for eight weeks so this is a vast improvement.” The silence that followed unnerved me. For a while Perry said nothing, staring at me. It felt like he was trying to work his way inside my thoughts and force me to change my mind. If that really was the case he was out of luck. I wanted this meal over and done with so I could pay my debt and move on. Eventually Perry nodded. “Okay, if you’re sure.” It didn’t look okay by his cool expression. We walked to the lift, and Perry pressed the call button.

We rode down in silence, then stepped out of the lift and walked to where his car was parked. “How did you break your leg again?” he asked. “I don’t think you ever told me.” “A stupid accident. It’s not even worth telling the story.” “I’d like to hear it.” He placed a hand on my back and opened the door for me. Rather than answer his question, I slid into the passenger’s seat and waited for him to shut the door behind me. For once my brain had abandoned me and left me to fend for myself with conjuring a plausible lie. Perry slid into the driver’s seat and

put the key into the ignition. “You don’t have to tell me, Tazia, though I’d be interested if you did.” “I fell off a ladder trying to clean the gutters,” I blurted out. It sounded credible, right? People broke their legs all of the time by falling off ladders. It must have been believable because Perry nodded and pulled away from the curb. I didn’t know what to expect for where he was taking me, yet I had never imagined a restaurant on the outskirts of Milton Keynes with dim lighting and classical music. A part of me must have figured we weren’t going to McDonalds since I dressed up, but the setting was more intimate than I predicted. It only

became worse when the waiter left us to deliver our orders to the kitchen. Perry had requested a table in the furthest corner from the bar. Hidden mostly from view in the shadows, it had obviously been designed for private dining. Maybe Dustin had been right. I wasn’t naive. I’d known what Perry’s offer implied when I’d accepted, though I never thought he’d be so obvious. “How are you liking your new flat?” Perry took a sip of his wine. It had some fancy name I couldn’t remember, let alone pronounce. The most I knew was the colour, red. Perry had ordered it after studying the wine list for a few

minutes. Whether he actually knew what he was talking about, or picked a random bottle based on the price and tried to sound confident I couldn’t tell. However, if he thought wine impressed me, he couldn’t have been more wrong. Dessert was the one and only way to my heart. “It finally feels like home even if I’d like to spend less time there. I think if I spend any more days locked up it’s going to start feeling like a padded cell.” Perry chuckled. “At least I can go back to work now. Things are looking up.” His lips curved over the rim of his glass. “Oh yeah? Where do you work?” My instinct told me not to tell him, yet

once again I couldn’t come up with a lie quick enough. “I make the cakes at a local bakery.” “You bake?” He sounded genuinely surprised and I didn’t know whether to take offence. What the hell had he thought I did? “Uh yeah? Why?” “No reason. I pegged you more as the secretarial type.” I didn’t know whether to be insulted or not. I saw nothing wrong with secretarial work, but wasn’t he basically saying I was only good at following orders? My expression must have betrayed my thoughts, because Perry reached across the table to cover my hand with

his. While his thumb drew lines across the back of my wrist he rushed to clarify what he’d meant. “Because you’re hot. I can picture you with your hair tied up, bright red lipstick, and a tight pencil skirt with a low cut blouse.” I barely held back a disgusted growl. How did that comment make him sound any better? Dustin had been right. I hated to admit it, yet it rapidly became clear I’d misjudged Perry. I snatched my hand back. “Well I’m not. I work in chef whites and most days I come home covered in flour or batter.” I hoped it would remove the images he had in his head. It didn’t.

“So you’re a dirty girl? I can work with that.” The waiter arrived with our meals. I bit down on my lip almost hard enough to draw blood to stop the viscous comment slipping free while the plates were set down in front of us. Apparently, Perry didn’t know how to read body language either because when the waiter left he continued despite my cool stare, tensed shoulders, and repeated stabbing at my food. “You’ll have to bring some of your cookies upstairs sometime soon. I’d love to taste them.” Maybe I read too much into it, but something about the way he said ‘cookies’ led me to believe we were not

talking about biscuits. “You’ll have to fight Dustin for that privilege. The guy’s incredibly protective over his macarons and I don’t think he’d let it go if I took them to you instead.” At the mention of Dustin, Perry’s eyes narrowed. He slid his hand back across the table and picked up his napkin to dab at his mouth. “You cook for Coates?” I delayed answering by taking a bite of my spaghetti carbonara. All too soon I needed to swallow and cursed myself for bringing up Dustin. Something had blatantly happened between them since even the mention of the other’s name created a hostile reaction, in both of them.

“I’ve baked for him a few times, mostly to say thank you for helping me out because of my leg.” A prickling heat trailed over my spine. I could feel someone’s gaze upon me and it wasn’t Perry, who was staring at me like he wanted to curse Dustin. I glanced over my shoulder to search the room. When I found Dustin smirking at me from across the restaurant, I gasped. He saluted me with his glass then took a sip. The prick. A strange mixture of relief and anger flowed through me. Relief because Perry wouldn’t get away with shit with Dustin in the room, and anger because he had the audacity to follow us. When I lifted

my hand to flick the Vs at him, Perry took my chin between his fingers to draw my attention back to him. He wasn’t rough about the action, yet the startling nature of it made me recoil back into my seat with a squeak. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Rather than place his hand back on his side of the table, he took a hold of mine again. “What has you so distracted? I don’t think you’ve heard a word I’ve said.” “Me. I have her distracted. And I suggest you take your hand off her,” Dustin snapped, casting a shadow over me as he stood at my shoulder.

Chapter Eighteen Dustin Tazia stiffened and Perry attempted to fix me in place with a furious glare. Unlucky for him he couldn’t scare a

hamster into cowering before him. While I may not have been the best fighter in the world, I could take him. Of that I was sure. “What are you doing here?” Perry sneered. He still hadn’t removed his hand from Tazia’s and with every second he remained touching her, the closer I came to hauling his ass outside. Thankfully, Tazia had the good sense to retract her hands and fold them on her lap. I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “Business meeting.” So that may have not been completely true. I actually was there to sign the final contracts Anthony had negotiated with Sabre, but the location? Totally my

choice. Well, if by choice I meant I’d sat outside our block of flats in my car waiting for Tazia to emerge then followed them and texted Anthony the location. So I didn’t trust Perry. Sue me. In the end he proved me right. “Bit of a coincidence, isn’t it?” Perry flicked his head between me and Taz with suspicion then focused on her. “Did you organise this?” Tazia appeared astonished by the accusation and when she opened her mouth to answer I beat her to it. “I know the owner and I get a good discount on my meal.” I widened my stance, hanging my hands loosely in my pockets. I tried to

quash my smugness, however, pushing Perry’s buttons never became old. I could feel my lips quirking no matter how hard I tried. “Really?” His tone filled with disbelief. Because I wanted to see the fucker squirm, I glanced over at the bar. “Hey, Ash, I need you over here a minute.” Immediately, Ash, the owner, dropped the rag he’d been wiping the bar down with, dried his hands, and started in our direction. He wasn’t what people expected if they had no idea who owned the place. Heavily built with tattoos everywhere, and piercings in his lip and eyebrow, people would say he was a long way away from the high

society restaurant and bar he owned. Not that anyone had the guts to say that to him. The guy was built like a member of the SAS and acted like one too. “What’s up?” he asked, stopping beside me. Tazia openly stared at Ash. Her cheeks flushed a rosy pink, but I figured it was from embarrassment seeing as my shout hadn’t gone unnoticed by the other customers. “I thought you’d want to meet my girl and the person responsible for your decline in alcohol profit. Ash, meet Taz.” He lowered his eyebrows to cast dark shadows over his eyes. “Taz?” “Short for Tazia,” Taz cut in curtly.

She sounded beyond pissed. However, when Ash held out his hand, she took it in a firm handshake. “Nice to meet you. And although it’s bad for my monthly statements, I’m glad you got this dunce here to stop drinking. The little shit had me worried. Thought I was going to have to start watering down his drinks.” “Yeah, yeah. Don’t be a dickhead.” “I can’t help it if it’s true.” I shook my head in despair, yet my lips curved. Whilst Ash had no clue what had gone on in my life, he had provided company and alcohol. On my scale that stuck him at the top of my friend list. Not that I had one of those.

“Do you really own the place?” I’d forgotten all about Perry until the dweeb opened his mouth, his voice dripping with disdain. “Want to test me by seeing how quickly I can get you thrown out?” I barked a laugh. That was typical Ash and the main reason he stayed behind the bar or in his office. He lacked people skills, though in this instance I had no qualms. Perry deserved it. He’d known exactly what he’d been implying with his tone and Ash wasn’t stupid. He’d seen more than his fair share of assholes before he remodelled and upscaled the bar. Perry wisely kept his mouth shut. “Didn’t think so.” Ash folded his

arms, forcing his biceps to bulge. He waited a beat longer to make sure Perry wasn’t going to respond. “Well, I’d better get back to work. Nice meeting you, Tazia.” He nodded at Taz, swept over Perry like he didn’t exist, and then clapped me on the back. “Looks like your people are here, bud. I’ll get someone to bring over the usual, yeah?” I glanced over my shoulder to see Anthony and my lawyer hovering by the door. I nodded to Ash then pointed at the table I’d snagged when Anthony caught sight of me. His gaze slid past me and his lips tightened in disapproval. “I’d better get back over there otherwise Anthony is likely to shred everything in front me.” I dipped down

to kiss Tazia and she only offered me her cheek. Unperturbed, I placed a gentle kiss on what I could get my lips on. She’d find out what I meant about Perry soon enough, even if I hated the idea with every fibre of my being. I lingered a second longer, drawing my lips up to her ear. “If dumbass gets too much for you, or you get bored of his company you’re welcome to join me at my table. And if you want me to give you a ride home, I can.” Without waiting for a response, I fixed Perry with a final warning glare then strolled back over to Anthony, who also happened to look pissed. For some reason everyone was mad at me. Was it really too much to ask my

girlfriend not to go out to dinner with a known creeper or that I could interrupt without getting sent daggers by my manager? Apparently so. A young, blonde waitress reached the table with a tray of drinks at the same time as me. She placed them down in front of the guys and replaced my empty glass with a second lemonade. I smiled in thanks as I sat, and then she left. Anthony immediately started talking about the contract, diving into a preplanned speech. It was one he’d been giving me since Sabre presented him with the contract and therefore I focused most of my attention on sneaking glimpses of Taz across the room.

She appeared uncomfortable as she finished her probably cold pasta. The anger radiated off her and everything about her body language remained closed off to Perry. Good. She didn’t glance over to me once, not that I expected her to. “Dustin,” Anthony hissed and I snapped my head back to him with a sheepish grin. “They’re going to be here any minute.” “Great, I’m ready to get this thing signed.” “Are there any last questions you need answered?” I leaned back in my chair as two guys in suits entered the restaurant. “Nope.”

All I wanted was to get the contract signed and for everything to become official. I couldn’t wait for the last race of the GP2 season so I could start testing for Sabre. Everything I’d been working for had finally landed within my grasp and so had the person I wanted. Neither were going to slip through my fingers. *** It was official. At the end of November, I became a Formula One driver. I’d signed all of the contracts, the Sabre representatives had left, ties had been loosened, and Anthony had finally relaxed. I should have been insulted by

his stress over me fucking everything up, but conjuring any ill feelings towards him would have been out of line. He’d landed me the contract after all, and I experienced the walking on air sensation because of him. Sabre wouldn’t announce the news until their next race, so until then I needed to keep my mouth shut, though it didn’t mean I couldn’t celebrate with a drink. “Congrats, mate!” Ash cheered as he poured the round I’d ordered. I didn’t ask how he knew. He had a sharp eye and I could guarantee he’d seen the contract even from across the room. He placed two pints on the bar and I moved to withdraw the cash from my

wallet when he shook his head. “On the house. You deserve them.” “Thanks. Do me one more favour?” Ash spread his arms out on either side of him, leaning down on the bar to listen. “How much wine has that wanker drunk?” I jerked my head over to Perry. By my count he was on his fourth glass. I’d been keeping a careful eye on Taz ever since I left her. “That’s his fifth. She’s still on her first.” Wow, somewhere along the line I’d missed a whole glass. I grimaced at the fact. “Fancy taking his keys off him? He shouldn’t be driving.”

Ash chuckled. “Somehow I don’t think this is concern for his well-being.” I growled. “Fuck no. He’s not going anywhere with my girl and if you don’t take his keys I’ll call the cops.” Ash held up his palms in surrender. “Whoa, hold up there, bud. There’s no need to get your panties in a twist. I never said I wouldn’t do it. You know I have a policy; you’ve been on the receiving end of it more than once.” I groaned. “Don’t remind me.” I cast a glance over to Perry again. He nursed his drink while Taz looked utterly miserable. “Don’t give him the option of a taxi, yeah? Make him take the bus.” Ash snorted. “You’re evil. What’s he

doing with your girl anyway? And since when did you have another girl?” “He bribed her into a meal before I met her and she’s too upstanding to back out. We’ve only officially been together for a couple of days, but—” “But you knew she was it for you the minute you saw her?” I scratched the back of my neck. “Not technically, considering I stumbled into her apartment drunk and passed out on the sofa. The second I woke up I knew she was different, though.” Ash shook his head. “She’s good for you and I’m happy for you, man. It’s about time we saw you smiling again.” “Take his keys and conveniently forget to offer him a taxi and you’ll see

the biggest shit-eating grin ever.” He sighed dramatically, folding his arms across his chest. “Fine, only because it’s you.” “I owe you one.” “Yeah yeah, you can pay me back with tickets to your first race next year.” I flipped him the bird with a laugh then grabbed the drinks to head back over to Anthony. I handed him the pint and chinked my glass against his. “To you making me a lot of money.” I scoffed. “To winning. On and off the track.” Taking a sip of the cool beer, I caught sight of Tazia and Perry standing to leave from the corner of my eye. True to his word Ash headed straight over. I

knew the moment he asked for Perry’s keys because red flared in Perry’s cheeks. His fists balled at his side and he shook his head vehemently. Taz picked up her crutches, ignoring the exchange. Her shoulders heaved with a sigh and most of her weight rested on her crutches so her body hunched over. When Perry attempted to step around Ash, he blocked his path with a thick arm. Guiding him back into the booth, Ash obstructed all of his exits and held out his hand for the keys. Perry finally got the message, dug around in his pocket, and slapped them into Ash’s palm. I sniggered. If he was stupid enough to drink so much with Tazia then he

deserved it. He deserved it anyway, I reasoned. Ash marched away with a nod to me. I bobbed my head back and held up my pint in thanks. The brief lapse in watching Tazia meant when her irritated voice came from over my shoulder my heart skipped a beat. “I need you to give me a lift. Fucking Perry got himself sloshed.” She collapsed in the chair my lawyer had vacated once the contract had been signed. “Why are you still here anyway? It better not have been to watch me.” I hoped she didn’t notice the way my eyes darted to the table in guilt. I slung my arm on to the back of her chair and pulled her under my arm. “I’m

celebrating, babe.” Only once the name slipped out did I remember her aversion to it. However, instead of cursing me out, she relaxed into my side further. My lips curved at the small victory. “Why are you celebrating?” I dropped my lips to her head, placing a kiss there. “Because you’re looking at the new Formula One driver for Sabre.” “Oh my God!” she squealed and threw her arms around my neck. The force of her hug nearly knocked us both to the floor and I chuckled when she retracted her arms. “That’s amazing, Dustin. Congratulations, though just so you know, I’m still mad at you.”

She looked at me seriously, yet she failed to dampen my good mood. “I bet I can change your mind.” I dipped my head, my lips inching towards her. I could feel her breath on my skin when she pushed me away. “No way. You’re not getting off the hook so easily.” “Come on, Taz. You didn’t want to be there really. Admit it, he freaked you out.” “That’s not an excuse for you to go all caveman on me. You even followed me here!” I shook my head. “I had a business meeting, you saw that, babe. And Ash is a mate.”

“You still overstepped the mark.” “If I say I’m sorry will you let me kiss you?” She tilted her head to one side. I’d grown wary of the devious smirk she wore. “Depends how good the apology is.” “I’m truly sorry for going—as you put it—all caveman on you. I only did it because I could see you were becoming uncomfortable. Perry’s a prick anyway. Please forgive me, you happen to make me a little crazy around other guys.” She hummed. “Worst apology ever, but okay, you’re forgiven. I can’t exactly ruin your night, can I?” I grinned and closed the gap between us, melding my lips against hers. I raised

my hand to the back of her head, holding her in place while I drank my fill. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to get enough of her. Tazia soothed me better than any drug or drink, even with one look. When I pulled back, she peered up through her thick lashes then rested her head against my chest. “Thank you for getting Ash to take his keys.” I stared down at the top of her head in surprise. “How did you know?” “You aren’t the only one who’s been watching the other all night.” Shocked I hadn’t noticed, it took me a second to respond. “Ash would have without me. He has a strict policy about drinking and driving.”

She hummed in acknowledgement, the sound weary. I cradled her against my chest. “You’re exhausted, aren’t you?” “An evening with Perry can do that to a person. If I ever have to listen to him talk about wine again he’s going to kill me with boredom. You keep celebrating, though. I don’t want to ruin your evening.” “I hate to say I told you so, but…well I did warn you.” “Shut up, and enjoy your night.” I took a final swig of my drink, placed the glass back on the table, and gave Anthony a questioning glance. Two people didn’t exactly make for a good celebration, especially when both

parties were limited to how much they could drink. The wild celebrations would come later, like when I ended up telling Teo and Raine. Anthony flicked his gaze between the two of us and his lips quirked. His face creased in happiness and he nodded for me to continue. “Nah, I’m done.” I reached for my jacket with my free hand. “Come on, I’ll take you home.” “No, stay.” “No offense, Taz, but you don’t exactly look like you’re in a celebratory mood.” “Sorry. Just a bad night. Too many emotions today from getting my cast off to wanting to dive across the table and

strangle Perry have exhausted me.” “It’s no problem, babe. I really don’t mind leaving. We were done anyway.” I pulled her up with me and tucked her beneath my arm so she had no choice. With a quick good-bye to Anthony and a wave to Ash, I guided her from the restaurant. By the time I situated her in the passenger’s seat and reached the driver’s side she rested against the window, and gentle snores filled the car. When I pulled up in front of our flats she’d fallen into an even deeper sleep. I switched off the engine and reached over to place a hand on her shoulder. Softly, I shook her. “Taz, we’re home.” She didn’t crack an eyelid.

With a chuckle I made my way around to her door. Opening it carefully so she didn’t fall out, I leaned in, undid her seatbelt, and picked her up. Leaving her crutches behind, I held her against me, locked the car, and headed into the building. “You’re an asshole. She should have been coming home with me.” Perry stepped away from the wall he’d been resting his foot on. He stared at her in my arms and his mouth pulled into a sneer. “Not now, Perry. You’ve had too much to drink, and I need to get her home.” “Give her to me. It should be my job since she was my date.” He held out his

arms. If he thought for one second I’d hand Tazia over he was delusional. “Listen to me, Perry, because I’m not going to say this again. Tazia is mine, and until she says otherwise you keep your greasy paws off her. Even if she decides she doesn’t want me, you stay away. Otherwise you’ll be dealing with me. I know what you’re really like, Perry. I’ve heard and seen the women coming in and out of your home numerous times and I’ll die before I allow Tazia to become one of them.” “No matter what you think of me, those women are there willingly and at some point Tazia will be. They always come to me so I don’t think you’ve been paying that much attention to who leaves

my flat.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Perry headed for the lift. “You’ll see. It will all become clear when Tazia choses me. Then you’ll know how it feels.” I held back an indignant snort. “Like hell she will. She has standards.” He glanced over his shoulder, his jaw tight with anger. “She won’t stay with you long then.” “That’s her choice, but at least I actually have her for now, unlike you. You’ll never know that.” I didn’t think it wise to turn my back on him, yet since he stepped into the lift, I headed for the stairs. I didn’t think he’d risk harming Tazia and I really needed to get her to

bed. Climbing the stairs when I reached my door I shuffled her weight to one arm and my knee and fished my keys out. I had perfected the movements over the past year from looking after Raine. Countless times I’d carried her home when she struggled to deal with her panic attacks. Tazia, however, felt a lot easier to shuffle around. For one, she wasn’t paralysed with fear and clawing at me. She also happened to be slightly lighter. Raine was by no means heavy, though Tazia felt like a feather compared to her. I managed to get the door unlocked within seconds. Kicking it shut behind me, I strode straight for my bedroom.

Although I considered searching for Taz’s keys, it meant going through her bag and I’d learned from Raine no matter how small a woman’s bag looked, the amount of junk in them always stayed the same. They were like bottomless caverns, and so I voted for the easy option. At least that’s what I told myself. It had nothing to do with wanting her to wake up in my home so I could see her first thing in the morning. Nope, that was absolutely not the reason. Carefully, I lowered Tazia to my bed, keeping my movements as gentle as possible to avoid waking her. She rolled over onto her side immediately, burying

her head into my pillow. With only the light from the living room spilling in through the wide open door, her face became encased in shadows. For a second I considered undressing her and putting her into one of my shirts, but in the end decided against it. I didn’t know how she’d react in the morning if she found herself in a different set of clothes, and the first time I saw her naked I wanted her to be conscious and aware of my every touch. I didn’t need to make her uncomfortable around me because I’d seen her body without permission. I slipped off her shoes and placed them on the floor at the bottom of the bed. Then I brushed her hair back and placed a kiss to her forehead. My fingers

lingered on her jaw as I stood to leave. I planned on sleeping in Raine’s old room, but Tazia gripped my wrist and held me in place. “Stay,” she mumbled. Shuffling over on the mattress, she rolled so her back faced me. How could I resist? I kicked off my shoes and yanked my shirt off, leaving my trousers on. Planting one knee on the mattress, I arranged the pillows on my side then lowered myself down beside her. Careful not to jostle her too much, I stretched out behind her and scooted across the bed until I could feel the heat radiating from her body against my bare chest.

I couldn’t deny the urge to reach out and wrap my arm around her waist. It didn’t take much pressure to draw her into me so her back rested against my chest. Her body felt warm against mine, her even breathing soothing me. “Night, Taz.” I kissed her shoulder. “Night, Max.” I stiffened against her and not in a good way. Who the fuck was Max to her? She had yet to explain everything and why I’d seen his name flash numerous times on her mobile. I bit back the torrent of questions banging on my teeth to escape. Even though I rationalised it as a tired slip, it didn’t stop it playing on my mind. Removing my arm from her waist I

rolled onto my back to stare at the ceiling. I scrubbed a hand over my jaw a few times, and I still couldn’t dispel the thoughts attacking me. I couldn’t sleep next to her either if there was even the slightest chance of her thinking I was someone else. Sliding off the bed, I padded barefoot along the chilly floorboards and into Raine’s room. I climbed into bed, slipping under the duvet, which still smelt like her, and drew it up to my neck. Among the hurricane of thoughts swirling in my mind, one thing became evidently clear. I missed my best friend and I’d been wrong to shut her out.

Although I’d been clinging to Tazia, what did I really know about her? She still held things back, whereas I’d laid myself bare to her. She knew every twisted thing about me, yet she didn’t trust me with her secrets. Which was why I needed Raine. I’d been a fool to throw her away. I’d seen her at her worst so she wouldn’t judge me. There wasn’t anything I didn’t know about her and I knew how she’d react to my story about Elora. She’d support me one hundred and ten percent. I shouldn’t have been embarrassed to tell her. She could have been my safety net like I had been to her. Instead I’d put my heart on the line again and opened up to someone I knew

nothing about. Tazia had said she would try not to break me but I couldn’t help the nagging feeling in my gut telling me I had placed my trust in her too easily and quickly. The sickness churning in my stomach like a swarm of angry wasps told me what my mind refused to acknowledge. I should have trusted Raine, because Tazia was going to shatter me all over again.

Chapter Nineteen Tazia The first thing I noticed when I awoke was I hadn’t slept in my own bed. The scent of spice and sandalwood clinging

to the pillows and sheets, although familiar in my lazy slumber, wasn’t one I was used to waking up with. The navy material surrounding me definitely didn’t belong to me either. I stiffened and attempted to retrace the night in my head. I hadn’t gone home with Perry, had I? Why couldn’t my brain wake up quicker? Nervously, I dared to peek under the covers, wary as to what state of undress I would find myself in. When I noticed my clothes from the previous night I exhaled in relief. Bits of the night slowly drifted back to me as I came out of my dreams even further.

I remembered being bored out of my mind and actually considering jumping over the table to strangle Perry as he ordered drink after drink. When he’d finally suggested getting home I couldn’t have been more relieved. I’d never had any intention of getting in a car with him so when Ash took his keys it lifted a major weight off my back knowing I wouldn’t have to argue with him. After that it didn’t take me long to deduce I had to be in Dustin’s bed. Where the hell is he? I thought I’d fallen asleep in his arms. Rising up on my elbow, I swept my hair from my eyes and glanced around the surprisingly tidy and ordered room. Only the shirt Dustin wore last night had

been left out in a heap on the floor. Everything else seemed to be in its place and the shelves on the opposite wall were what caught my attention most. On them were the only personal touches in the clinical room. I heaved myself out from under the covers and searched the floor for my shoes. Once I found them neatly tucked under the bottom of the bed, I slipped them on and shuffled over to the shelves. At least forty gold and silver trophies rested upon the oak planks. They ranged in size, some of the bigger chalices at least half a metre tall. Others were only mini and moulded into the shape of a guy on a go-kart. Not even one fingerprint tarnished the shiny surfaces. Each one

glinted in the daylight filtering in through the window. The dates spanned over a decade and only three of them placed Dustin in second and one in third. The rest showed Dustin as the winner. “Wow,” I marvelled to myself. I wanted to pick one up and admire it. However, they were all so polished I daren’t touch one. I studied the photos behind on the wall. Professional shots of Dustin on podiums essentially covered the back wall, though the few at the centre intrigued me most. Dustin wore his race suit and stood with his arms outstretched to embrace a group of people on either side of him. He appeared to be in his mid-teens, and his enormous grin made him look even

younger. I didn’t recognise anyone in the photo besides Teo—or at least I assumed the guy on his left was his brother. The photos were obviously taken back before the shit storm arrived in Dustin’s life since I hadn’t ever seen him smile that big. Though, I hoped I would see that side of him at some point. Using the reflection on one of the trophies I fluffed my hair then smoothed it. I ran my index fingers under and into the corners of my eyes, trying to remove any smudged make up or remnants of sleep. When I realised I couldn’t do much to improve my image without the use of a proper mirror and a tonne of products I

gave up. I cracked open the bedroom door, poking my head through the gap. Although I’d been inside Dustin’s flat numerous times on my own, I didn’t know what I’d walk out to find. For some reason this felt like a walk of shame. “Hey,” I said when I spotted Dustin hunched over the table near the front door. He paused from whatever he’d been scribbling on a piece of paper and straightened slowly. “I was leaving you a note. I need to head out.” Dustin averted his gaze and held up the sticky note as if to prove the truth in what he said. He shuffled awkwardly on the spot and placed the

note down. “Uh…is everything okay, Dust?” He shrugged. “Sure. Why wouldn’t it be?” “Did something happen last night?” His eyes met mine briefly then darted to the left. “It’s nothing, Taz. I’m just heading out.” I widened my stance, planting my hands on my hips. “What’s going on, Dustin. Did we—” “No. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer the women I sleep with to be awake.” “Then what is it?” He threw his gaze to the door, judging the distance. When he made a beeline for it, I huffed.

“Don’t make me chase you, Dustin. I will do it and I’ll no doubt end up back in a cast.” He didn’t look convinced. “Try me if you don’t believe it.” His shoulders slumped and I sent a silent prayer of thanks when he remained in the flat. “What’s going on? Talk to me.” “Who’s Max?” He asked it so quietly at first I thought I’d misheard. However, his serious and wounded expression said I hadn’t. Like I’d been Tasered, a bolt of electricity shot down my spine to paralyse every muscle in my body. I’d assumed things might have got a bit hot and heavy, or moved at a speed that had made Dustin uncomfortable. None of my

thoughts had been directed at anything to do with my ex-fiancé. I paled. “Why d-do you ask?” “Who is he to you, Tazia? I need to know.” Dustin wedged his hands into his pockets, burying them deep. My breathing increased, each breath shorter than the one preceding it. “Why do you need to know?” “Because I need to know if this is going to work, or whether I’m only setting myself up for hurt. Hearing you call me by another guy’s name in bed isn’t the biggest stroke to my ego.” “I—” I tried to process what he’d said. “I called you by his name?” He nodded sharply, crossing his arms. It didn’t escape my notice his

hands were clenched into fists, but I swore I saw them tremble minutely. “So who is he, Taz?” I stared at my feet, wiggling my toes in my shoes while I tried to figure out how much I should reveal. When I peered up, I met his icy glare unflinchingly. “He’s my ex.” It wasn’t technically a lie. I’d only left out the fact we used to be engaged. Dustin looked like he’d expected as much. “Do you still have feelings for him?” “Of course not! Why the hell would you think that?” “He’s obviously still on your mind, though.”

“So are about twenty billion other things. That doesn’t mean anything.” I realised I sounded overly defensive. Making the deliberate effort to soften my voice, I took a step forward. When he didn’t move away I closed the gap between us until we were standing toeto-toe. “I was tired, okay? I don’t even remember saying it. I’m sorry.” His gaze softened and he lowered his hands to my hips, his thumbs rubbing tiny circles on top of my dress. When he dipped his head to my shoulder and hugged me to him I assumed he was dropping the subject. I leaned into him and held him back. Dustin’s next words caused the blood in my veins to crystallise once more.

“Tell me the whole story, Taz.” I backed out of his embrace. Gazing up at the ceiling, I refused to allow the tears pricking at my eyes to fall while my lip trembled. “I can’t. I’m not ready.” “I need to know, Tazia,” he sighed, exasperated. “Why?” The word came out in barely a choked whisper so I tried again. “Why are you pushing me?” “Because I know nothing about you and I’m falling, Taz. I can’t allow myself to fall further without knowing who you are. I need to know you trust me. I need to protect myself.” I sniffed. “You want to know who I am? My full name is Tazia Elena Nixon. I was born in Spain to a Spanish mother

and an English father. We moved to Milton Keynes when I was four because my father got offered a job. My favourite colour is sapphire blue, my star sign is Cancer. I love Italian food, especially pizza and ice-cream, but detest pepperoni. I work in a bakery with the hope of opening my own one day, and I love to cook. I had a cat called Murph when I was a kid and a stick insect who died recently—” “Tazia.” “Let me finish. My favourite season is summer and my favourite movie is Pirates of the Caribbean.” “Tazia,” Dustin urged more forcefully. “I’m not finished.” I opened my

mouth to list more, and Dustin cut me off. “Those aren’t the details I need, Taz.” “You said you wanted to get to know me.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “You know what I want you to tell me.” I shook my head, the tears once again burning the back of my eyes. I couldn’t tell him. The words literally stuck in my throat every time I moved to speak. I didn’t want him to look at me in accusation and hate like Max had. “I’m not ready, Dustin.” He shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he removed his hand and opened them again, they were clouded with sadness. “Okay.”

That was all he whispered. One word. Yet that single word held more weight than if he’d uttered a thousand. Heavy with exhaustion and confusion, it gutted me to hear the disappointment in his voice. Dustin turned for the door without looking at me. He already had it open when I could get my mouth in gear. “Dustin, wait…” He paused, eyeing me expectantly. I hated the sliver of hope blossoming on his face, because I was about to destroy it. However, I had no other alternative. If I had to lose Dustin I’d rather lose him over a secret than because he hated me. “Are we okay?”

He pursed his lips and shook his head. “I don’t know.” “Then where does that leave us?” I swallowed, trying to dislodge the suffocating ball of emotions lining my throat and swelling with every second. Dustin glanced down the hallway. He considered his response for a minute then spun back to me. His usually captivating green eyes held only anguish. “Seriously fucked up. That’s where it leaves us.” He stepped out into the hall and shut the door behind him. Only the sound of Dustin’s footsteps carrying him further away from me penetrated the silence he left behind. I wanted to run to the door and call out for him to come back. The

only problem was I knew I wouldn’t be able to tell him anything. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t give me time. Even if Elora had messed with his head, hadn’t I shown him I wasn’t like her? He may have been trying to protect himself, but I was trying to protect us both. My story would open old wounds for both of us, and we’d only just got into a good place. I sank to the floor, my whole body failing. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

Chapter Twenty Dustin I couldn’t understand it. I of all people knew better than anyone how hard it was to open up, but I

had managed it. And look at where I ended up because of it. Once again I found myself in a situation where I couldn’t trust the other person because they refused to talk to me. Seeing Tazia’s tears and her struggle to find words made my heart clench so much I needed to get out of there. The urge to reach out and pull her into my arms overwhelmed me and a second longer in her presence would have caused me to give in. When I’d slid into my car I didn’t really have an idea of where I was heading, at least not consciously. Subconsciously I always knew where I’d end up. Since my realisation last night it became inevitable.

Now the only problem I faced was finding the courage to leave the safe haven of my car and knock on the damned door. As soon as I did I’d be forced to spill everything and the thought terrified me. I didn’t feel prepared for the onslaught of questions which would no doubt ensue. For the second time in the space of a few months I felt as if I’d been pushed out of a plane. Only, unlike in reality, the free fall never ended. Every time I thought I had myself under control, something else knocked me off balance and sent me into another spin. I rested my head on the steering wheel. Maybe I should have headed to Ash’s bar.

Today I should have felt on top of the world. I finally had what I’d been working for my whole life: a Formula One contract. Instead, I’d reached another low point, even if it couldn’t compare to the day Elora told me I wouldn’t become a father. I sat in my brother’s driveway, staring at his too perfect house. Rather than give into temptation and speed out of the driveway to numb my mind with a drunken stupor, I pulled my keys from the ignition. Opening the door, I pocketed my keys and strolled up the gravelled path, the stones crunching beneath my every step. I paused on the doorstep, raising and lowering my hand repeatedly. It was on

the sixth cycle I growled in frustration and rapped on the door quickly so I couldn’t convince myself otherwise. I shoved both hands deep into my pockets to stop the nervous trembles. Movement on the other side of the frosted glass panel in the door caught my attention. The sound of locks turning meant I only had seconds to flee if I wanted to. I glanced back at my car, wondering if I should go. The door cracked open a sliver and made the decision for me. Raine peeked out through the gap and gasped, her eyes wide and her jaw slack. “Dustin?” She shut the door in my face.

If it hadn’t been for the scrapes of Raine hurrying to throw the chain off the door coming from the other side I would have left. After all, the last time I’d seen her I’d been drunk, hurled a bottle through a wall, and told her to fuck off and mind her own business. She had every right to be angry and slam a door at me. A split second later the door clattered open. Raine moved so quickly she became a blur and barrelled into me with a sob. Her arms flew around my neck and the force of the impact sent me stumbling back a few steps. I caught her around the waist as she buried her nose into the crook of my neck. I rested my cheek against the top of her head,

inhaling the scent of her vanilla shampoo. Something wet trickled against my neck and Raine quivered in my arms. “Hey, sweet girl, don’t cry.” Rather than reply, she hugged me harder, pulling herself up on to her toes. I smoothed her hair down, running my fingers through the silky length. Neither of us needed words. I knew my being away hurt her—it was the longest we’d ever gone without talking—but I didn’t realise how much. Teo had never hinted at it either. I felt like a prized jackass, standing there with her in my arms. My heart swelled with guilt, the feeling slowly trickling throughout the

rest of my body. It tightened my throat until I found it impossible to swallow. “I’m sorry,” she murmured into my neck. “I’m being silly.” Raine moved to pull back, but I refused to allow us to part completely. Keeping one hand splayed on her back, I raised the other to catch the few tears running down her cheek with my thumb. Wiping them away, I dried my hand on my jeans then pulled her jaw up so she met my gaze. I kept my hand under her chin. “What’s wrong?” “It’s a surprise to see you. These are happy tears, I promise.” I winced. “I’m sorry I stayed away for so long.”

“You should be.” She placed one hand on her hip and tried to look stern, though it wasn’t an expression she could convey with puffy eyes and a red nose. I sighed at the thought of Teo kicking my ass when he saw her, even if she claimed they were happy tears. I’d seen him do worse over less when it came to Raine. Raine hiccupped, raising her hand to cover her mouth and a giggle escaped her lips. I chuckled along with her while she dried her eyes with the back of her hands and straightened her clothes. When she finished, she stepped back into my arms, this time hugging me more gently. That didn’t mean it wasn’t as tight.

She squeezed me harder than I thought possible for someone of her height, and I returned it as fiercely. “I missed you,” she whispered against me. I placed a kiss to the side of her head. “I missed you too, sweet girl.” “Raindrop! How many times do I have to tell you not to leave the door open? Anyone could walk in or get a photo of…” Teo’s rant trailed off when he saw us still embraced on the doorstep. His footsteps faltered marginally then he regained his composure and leaned a shoulder against the doorframe casually. “Hey, Dustin. What are you doing here?” I sent him a glare over the top of

Raine’s head. I knew exactly what the prick was doing and so did he by his devious look. Raine withdrew from my grasp and I straightened out my expression. She faced Teo with a scowl. “‘Hey Dustin’? It’s been months and that’s all you have to say to your brother?” I rubbed the back on my neck, cringing inside over what I knew Teo would say and how Raine would react. “I saw him back in Monza so—” “What!” Raine screeched. “You saw him and didn’t tell me, come and get me, or even mention how he was?” Teo took her in his arms, drawing her against his chest. “Calm down, baby. I had my reasons.”

She glowered at his chin since she was stuck underneath it and couldn’t break free of his grip. “And I will love hearing every second of them.” Teo swayed from foot to foot, shaking them both, and dropped another kiss on her nose. “You will, don’t worry, Raindrop.” The love radiating from them caused a sad smile to tug at my lips. Would I ever get to experience that? Teo caught my change of expression and released Raine, dropping his arms to take her hand. “Shall we go in before someone snaps a picture? The neighbours are used to us, though we still get the odd paparazzi. Apparently, they’re not bored of us yet. They’re

waiting for some kind of scandal.” “Yeah, sure.” They gestured me into the house in front of them and Raine followed, with Teo bringing up the rear and shutting the door. “So why are you here? Somehow I don’t think it’s because of what I said to you last time.” I collapsed on their sofa and Raine curled up next to me. She sat on her feet scrutinising me like a child would Santa Claus. It felt like she was afraid I’d vanish again at any moment, and knowing that gutted me. We’d both been dealing with so much, and I never wanted to be the one to hurt her. I’d kept everything from her for that reason, not wanting her to have to worry about

helping me on top of everything she’d been through. “I needed to talk to people I can trust. I missed you guys.” Teo gave a curt nod and left the room without a word. I glanced at Raine in confusion. “Where’d he go?” “To get drinks. I have a feeling we’re all going to need them after this.” I shook my head. “I promised Anthony no more alcohol until the end of the race season unless it’s on the podium.” Raine rolled her eyes. “He’s making coffee you idiot. Am I going to need something stronger?” “Probably.” I grimaced and she matched it with a look just as weary.

“Are you doing okay now, though? I get you wanted to deal with things yourself, it’s why I stayed away, but I’m always here, Dustin. I leaned on you for a long time, I can handle anything you throw at me. I owe you more than you know.” I took her hand. “You don’t owe me anything, sweet girl. It’s what friends are for.” She peered up at me through her lashes. “Then let me do the same for you.” I swallowed back the sickness rising within me. The bile burned my throat and fuelled the doubts I had about spilling my guts. It made the front door a very appealing target.

Teo re-entered the room carrying three mugs. He set them down on the table then took the seat adjacent to us. He threw the white paper bag he’d been holding to Raine and she gazed at him like he’d handed her a million pounds. “What’d I miss?” he asked, kicking up a foot to rest on his knee. Raine dipped her hand into the bag. I knew what it contained without having to see her pull out a pale pink square of fudge and nibble on the corner. “Dustin’s about to fill us in on everything that’s been happening.” I chuckled nervously. I felt like their source of entertainment while Raine sat there eating and eying me with intrigue. Neither of their stares wavered for even

a second. “I have some good news first.” I thought I’d ease myself into things. Or give myself more time to talk myself out of revealing everything. Either option worked for me. Teo arched an eyebrow. He probably already had an inkling of what I planned to say. “I signed with Sabre last night. I’ll be racing against you next year and we can finally clear up this ‘who’s the better brother’ debate.” Teo beamed at me, and not his media smile. He gave me the real one he allowed very few people to see. Raine squealed around a mouthful and dived at me.

“Congratulations!” “Yeah, Dust. Congrats. However, we both know I’m the better driver so don’t give me that shit.” I shrugged. “Guess you’ll have to prove it next year.” Teo snorted in disbelief. Cocky bastard. Knowing I’d stalled long enough, I inhaled deeply. My palms started to sweat on my lap and I couldn’t meet their gazes as I said, “That’s not my main reason for being here, though.” I coughed to clear my throat. “I met someone.” “I knew it!” Teo actually leapt out of his chair, punched the air, and then fell back down into it. “I knew you were too happy and clear-headed at the race to

have just sorted everything else out.” I glanced down at my lap where my fingers fidgeted nervously. “Yeah, well hold your excitement for a second.” God, I needed my cards. Pressing down on my knees I lifted myself out of the chair. “I’ll be back in a second.” I hurried out to my car and leaned in to the passenger’s side to retrieve the deck I kept in the glove box. It took me a bit longer to return to the living room, but eventually I made it. I slipped the cards out of the box and began shuffling them. The feeling of the slippery deck in my palms soothed my nerves instantly. Raine watched me for a second then realised I had lost all courage. “So you

were saying you met someone?” “Yeah. She’s great, and I think I might be falling for her.” “I sense a ‘but,’” Raine said. “That’s because there is one. She’s keeping something from me. Something big. After everything with Elora I don’t know if I can risk trying with Tazia if she’s being dishonest from the start. I can’t deal with any more mind fuckery, especially not with this new contract.” I could see the question I’d been dreading in Raine and Teo’s eyes. Neither of them asked it, though they were dying to. “You can ask. I won’t snap again.” Raine glanced away ruefully. Teo on the other hand fixed me in place with

fierce scrutiny. “What did she do, Dustin?” Though I’d been expecting the words, they still punched me in the heart. The fist went straight through my chest to curl around the muscle and squeeze so an unbearable pressure tightened in my chest. I shuffled the cards faster. Shit, I thought I’d gotten over the hyperventilating stage of talking about things. Raine’s hand settled on my thigh. “Dustin, calm down and talk in your own time. No one’s pressuring you here, okay? You can tell us whatever you want.” Beads of sweat broke out on my

forehead and tears welled as all of the thoughts I’d tried to forget bombarded me once more. Tazia had managed to distract me from the pain. Even Michael and Ralf helped. However, that’s all they were: major fucking distractions preventing me from realising and dealing with the true pain consuming me. “There was a baby,” I said barely above a whisper. “The day you found me Elora told me she’d had an abortion.” Stunned silence filled the room. I could feel the anger burning off both of them, Raine especially. It swirled around us all and finally she cracked. “That bitch! I’m going to kill her.” She rose from her seat and I tugged on her wrist to pull her back to the sofa.

“Please let me get this out first, Raine. I promise if you want to kill her after I won’t stop you.” “No one is killing anyone, Raine, so calm down and let him speak.” Teo’s statement would have probably had more effect had his jaw not been clenched as he gritted out the words, something I’d have pointed out if I had been in my usual mood. I waited for them both to settle down and for the shock to wear off then continued to recount everything, laying my heart and soul out on the table. Everything from the violence, mental abuse, mind games, and abortion, I detailed it all. Every word, every flashback, every

excruciating memory cut me deep. It felt as if my chest had cracked open and I was bleeding out. Each memory carved a bigger piece from my heart so that when I finally ran out of words nothing remained of it. I collapsed back against the sofa, emotionally and physically exhausted. Raine sobbed quietly, tears streaming down her cheeks. Teo’s knuckles were white on the arm of the chair. The muscle in his jaw ticked and his nostrils flared, but he too had glazed over eyes. “Dustin…” Raine gasped, crawling over the sofa until she curled up against me. That one action broke me. The tears I’d been holding in cascaded over my eyelids as I hugged my best friend.

“Don’t cry for me, sweet girl,” I pleaded when I finally managed to pull myself together. I’d spent so much time crying the fits only came in short bursts now. And the stronger part of me wanted to focus on Raine. I’d always put her happiness ahead of my own and apparently that still applied. No doubt because it was easier to deal with. She pulled back to peer up at me. “But—” I placed a finger over her lips. “No, Raine. Don’t, please. I’m getting better and things are becoming easier to deal with, I promise. This is why I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want to upset you.” She swatted my head. “You’re an

idiot. You didn’t have to go through this alone. We’d have both been there for you.” “I know. I never doubted you’d be there for me, Raine. It was just something I needed to sort through by myself.” “How does all of this link with the other girl…Tazia?” Teo asked and I sent him a silent thank you for moving the conversation along. I didn’t want to discuss Elora, yet I couldn’t get advice on Tazia without letting them in on everything. “I don’t know how to let her in when she’s holding back so much. There’s something big in her past she’s keeping from me and even after I’ve told her

everything about me, she still won’t open up. She’s dropped a few hints here and there.” I sighed and kneaded the back of my neck. “I don’t know…I can’t take any more games.” “Have you tried asking her?” Raine queried. “She says she’s not ready. I get that, and I don’t want to pressure her, but I can’t allow myself to get in too deep with her in case. I mean, what if I fall for her and then she reveals something I can’t cope with it?” Teo leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “Then you’ll pick yourself back up and fight because, although I hate to be the bearer of bad news, you’ve already fallen for her,

Dust. It’s out of your hands.” I hung my head with a sigh. I hated it when Teo turned out to be right. “Has she done anything to lead you to believe she’s like Elora?” Raine asked. “Not directly. If anything she helps me, yet I can’t shift this nagging feeling. What if she hurts me?” Raine trailed a finger up and down my arm and cocked her head to one side. “What if she doesn’t? I’ve been there, Dustin. You told me to tell Teo everything when I was lying in hospital and while I still believe I did the right thing at the time, we missed out on a year of being together. I get it’s a risk, and after what Elora did to you, you have every right to be cautious. But what

if Tazia’s past isn’t as bad as you think? What if rather than breaking you, she makes you stronger?” “I don’t want anyone to have that kind of power over me. I need to be in control of myself after everything that’s happened.” Raine took my hand in hers. She pried the cards from my grip and placed them on the chair then massaged my palm. “Answer me one question. Does she make you happy?” “I can breathe easier when she’s around. The world doesn’t feel as dark when she eases the pain.” Raine snapped her head to glare at Teo. “Why can’t you ever say stuff like that about me?”

I couldn’t help it. With that one line the tension dissipated and I barked a laugh. “Thanks, Dustin. I’m never going to hear the end of this now.” I shrugged. “Not my problem.” Raine clicked her fingers in front of me to pull my attention back to her. “Anyway, back to Tazia. So you’re saying she makes you happy?” I nodded. “What about this other guy though? If she’s calling me by his name surely there’s something still there.” “She was tired and he’s been calling her, cut the girl some slack.” Raine rolled her eyes. “But—” “I’m not going to tell you what to do,

Dustin. It’s not for me to say. Only you know how much you can take. However, if you bail now I can guarantee you’ll be miserable anyway so what’s the harm in staying?” I hated Raine for talking sense. It had been so much easier when we dealt with her problems. Those I knew how to handle. “A lot of good you are.” She shrugged and when I looked to Teo he did the same. “Do whatever you think is best, Dustin. We’ll be here for you no matter what.” That was my problem. I had no idea what was best for me. “I think I need time to figure it out,” I murmured.

“Then give yourself time.” I flashed Raine a strained smile. Even if I had no idea what I was going to do about Tazia, at least I had my best friend back.

Chapter Twenty-One Tazia Though I’d waited for an hour in

Dustin’s flat hoping he would come back, he never did. And there was only so long I could hold a conversation with couple of seahorses before I ran out of things to say. Their lack of conversational skills only served to silence me quicker so I’d gone home to wait. For a few weeks. I’d not seen Dustin since he walked out. I heard his flat door opening and closing every so often, but by the time I’d managed to get to my door I only caught a glimpse of his back or an empty corridor. Yes, I was sad. Every other day I baked to keep myself sane. Now my flat overflowed with boxes of cakes, biscuits, and

pastries. Even with my sweet tooth and need for comfort food, there were too many for me to devour, and it didn’t help I made double in each batch. I started leaving half of the batches by Dustin’s door as my way of apologising. I had no idea if he ate any of them or whether he binned the lot, but I always found the empty tub placed back outside my door at the end of the day. What that meant for us I struggled to comprehend. Like he’d said when he left, we were in a fucked up state of limbo. The only positive to come out of the weeks was I’d finally ditched the crutches. My doctor had proclaimed my leg fully functional again and not a moment too soon. Any longer on those

godforsaken things and I’d have gone stir-crazy, though some people might have said I already had. Since I only had one weekend left before I returned to work I decided to spend it finally changing over the furniture. It was a relief to be able to drive again. I’d missed my car and the independence it provided. I paused in the hallway, staring at Dustin’s door. I had hoped he’d come with me, an option which looked unlikely now. That fact didn’t stop me gawking at the door, praying he’d open it like he could somehow magically know I needed him. When he didn’t, I sighed and headed out to my beat up old Renault. I missed

Dustin. Without his constant presence in my life things became less manageable. The phone calls from Max continued and bothered me more. Every time his name lit up my screen it would bring back memories I’d rather remained buried. I touched the angel wings around my neck at the thought. Apart from that, Perry had been on the prowl for information. He wanted to know what was going on between me and Dustin, always fishing. He didn’t seem to get the message that even if I wasn’t hung up on Dustin, I wasn’t interested in him. Fortunately, the distance between us prevented any more notes coming my way. I still couldn’t figure out who sent

it, or why, but I assumed whoever it was had been placated by the distance with Dustin. Elora remained at the top of my list of suspects since it had to be related to Dustin somehow, yet at least it was one thing off my long list of worries. I turned up the radio in the car, one of the few things that still actually worked on the heap of metal. It did nothing to tune out my thoughts while I drove so I turned it up further and belted out the words, the speakers protesting with regular crackles the whole time. For the whole drive I either sang— badly—to the songs I knew or hummed away to the ones I didn’t. Quicker than I expected, I pulled into the store’s car park.

Having researched everything online I had an idea of what to look for. If I hadn’t wanted to try out all of the sofas, I would have ordered it all online and saved myself the hassle. However, seeing as I needed to make the trip, I decided to get all of the items to make my flat more homey at the same time. I thought pillows, throw blankets, maybe a lamp or two, and some pictures would make the place more personal and add some colour to the rooms, which were mind-numbingly boring in their current state. “Tazzie?” I stiffened at the voice behind me. Placing the cerulean pillow I held into my trolley, I considered how far I’d get

down the aisle before he caught up to me. Maybe if I ran really fast I could escape? A hand landed on my shoulder. Damn it. I removed the irritation from my expression and glanced across at him with insincere surprise. “Max, hi. What are you doing here?” I spun, deliberately displacing his hand in the process. My fingers gripped the handle of the trolley so tight I thought it would snap under the pressure. “Mum wanted a new desk, so here I am.” I nodded. “How is she?” I couldn’t exactly ignore him, no

matter how much I didn’t want to stop and talk. “Same as always. Constantly buying things and changing her house around. I guess it keeps her occupied, even if I’m the one having to fetch the junk.” “Well, tell her I said hi. I’d better get back to my own shopping and let you do the same.” I walked away, and Max hurried after me. “Tazzie, wait. Can’t we at least be civil?” “I am being civil. I’m choosing to walk away over screaming and kicking you in the balls. If you hadn’t noticed, my leg is all better now, although it would have probably hurt more with my cast.”

I think it was instinct that led him to shield his groin. His gaze dropped to my legs, then travelled up over my body in disbelief. I swear he paled slightly though so maybe I’d been more convincing than I originally thought. “Can’t we talk about everything? Please.” I stared at him incredulously. “You want to talk in the middle of a furniture shop?” “Well, I figured you wouldn’t be open to coffee or meeting up considering you haven’t answered any of my calls since you hung up on me.” “Aren’t you beginning to sense a reason for that?” Max exhaled a deep-weighted sigh. “I

only want a chance to explain, Tazzie. That’s all. If you still want nothing to do with me after then I’ll respect your wishes.” For the first time I looked at him properly. His eyes were drawn and dark from a lack of sleep and his body appeared to be struggling to carry his small amount of weight—a look I’d come to know well. His clothes also hung off him more than they used to, not quite fitting properly. I hunched over my trolley, resting on my forearms. His appearance bothered me. In front of me wasn’t the Max I’d known and loved. I never knew this guy. He seemed empty, whereas I’d managed to pull the scraps of my life back

together. Didn’t we both deserve to heal? Grudgingly, I admitted Max needed the chance and it would only happen if we actually talked. “Fine, walk and talk. I have shopping to do and not a lot of time.” He perked up at my reluctant acceptance and heaved a thank you. “Don’t thank me yet. We’re just talking and I’m not promising anything more.” “I’ll take what I can get.” I hummed dubiously and began walking. I knew he’d fall in line beside me, though I pretended to ignore his presence. I studied the cushions in front of me, pulling a handful off the shelves and throwing them into the trolley. My

credit card wasn’t going to thank me, but I felt I deserved to treat myself for being so accommodating. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” I peered up from the blanket, smoothing my fingers over it. “You were the one who wanted to talk.” I focused back on the blankets and turned my back on Max. “Can you at least pretend to be interested in what I have to say? Or not act so cold?” Max asked, circling my wrist with his hand and spinning me around. I shook him off and rested my hand on my hip. “Gee, I don’t know. Don’t I have the right to act in whatever manner I see fit after what you did? If you want to

talk, go ahead. Don’t expect me to ease your conscience though. You made your choice back then, and I’m making mine now.” “You’re right. I have no right to expect you to act any way towards me.” He pointed to the mauve blanket I held in my left hand over the emerald in my right. “That one.” Shrugging I replaced the emerald one on the shelf. I preferred the purple one anyway. “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry, Tazia. I was hurting, and I know that’s no excuse because I wasn’t the only one, yet it’s all I’ve got. I handled everything badly and I feel awful. I should have been there for you like you

said, and I should never have blamed you.” I bit down on my lip and focused on the shelf. The familiar burning rose in my throat and was only a second away from transforming into a full-fledged sob. I took a deep breath. “I can’t do this here, Max. This isn’t the right place for this type of conversation.” “Then tell me when and where. I’ll be there whenever you want.” I didn’t want to continue the conversation at all in all honesty. I had been doing fine up until now. However, the ripping of my heart at Max’s words only confirmed I needed closure. No matter how much I pretended and buried myself under baking and Dustin’s

problems, I hadn’t dealt with my own. What happened between us should have brought us closer and made us stronger, and instead it had divided us, causing us to turn against one another. Max used to be my best friend and I didn’t think I’d be able to recover fully while I still harboured ill feelings towards him. Which was why I said, “How about you help me finish up here and then we can head back to my place?” “Really?” I nodded and in a split second Max had his arms thrown around my neck. “Thank you, Tazzie.” “Yeah yeah, I’m amazing, I know.” I shrugged out of his grip. “Come on, I need a sofa.”

We’d only taken a step onto the floor dedicated to soft furnishings when something caught my eye. I hurried over to the egg shaped chair immediately. “Oh my god, I need one of these. It’s perfect for reading.” I dived on the plush red cushions filling the egg that cocooned me in warmth and comfort like a nest. “I don’t think I’d ever use my bed again.” “When have you ever read a book, Tazzie?” Max wheeled the trolley I’d abandoned out of the way of a few customers. “I read cook books.” “In the kitchen.” Disgruntled, I scowled at him. “Tazia, I lived with you for four

years. Even when we were in university I never saw you crack open a book. In fact, the longest period of time I’ve seen you remain in one place was when we watched back-to-back Hunger Games movies.” “But it’s so comfy.” I ran my hand over the cushions. “You will never use it, and have you seen the price tag?” Max flipped the plastic card displaying the price and my eyes bulged out of my head at the triple digits. “I guess you’re right. Shame though.” Max held out his hand. “Come on, out you get.” Without thinking I took it, the gesture so familiar, like his touch. It didn’t send

an electric current over my skin like Dustin, instead it felt reassuring… friendly. “So what are you looking for?” I scanned the room, searching for any of the sofas I’d seen online. “Something bright, comfy, and pretty.” Max dropped an arm around my shoulders with a chuckle and touched his head to mine. “Let’s find something then.” I didn’t have time to shrug out from under his grip as the sales lady approached. “Hi there, can I help you?” Max beamed at the woman. “We’re looking to buy a sofa.” “I can help you with that. If you would like I can show you and your

partner some of our range and talk you through things. I’m Helen, by the way.” I stepped out from Max’s arm, my cheeks prickling with heat. “Oh, we’re not together.” Helen flushed and averted her gaze. She shuffled awkwardly on the spot, eyeing the store like she’d rather be anywhere other than in front of us. “I’m sorry, I…it’s just from the way you were interacting…” “It’s fine, Helen. And yes, we’d love you to help us. Tazzie is searching for something bright and comfortable.” Helen nodded. “I know just the sofa. If you follow me I’ll show you.” Max gestured for me to go ahead and followed behind with the trolley.

*** It took me a few hours to search for everything I needed, though with Helen’s help I found the perfect sofa. She’d also thrown in free delivery and removal of my old sofa, which more than made up for her slip. Climbing out of my car, Max pulled up behind me while I popped the boot lid and hauled out my bags. I realised I may have gone slightly overboard when the bags burst from my grip because I’d wedged too many into my hands. “Tazzie, let me take some. You don’t have to struggle.” He collected them without me

needing to agree and had double the amount in one hand quicker than I could pick up four. He held out a hand to help me up from where I hunched on the floor and I took it on instinct. I expected him to let go soon after I stood, but he didn’t. “Thank you.” I gave him an appreciative smile. We’d fallen back into our easy rapport as we shopped, the tension between us eased without the pressure of needing to talk hanging over our heads. It was a comfort I never realised I felt in Max’s company. He did put me at ease, he made me laugh, and he’d always been a good friend. At least until he wasn’t. Our shopping trip made me realise that was all he ever was.

Everything in our relationship had happened so fast and we’d made decisions for the wrong reasons. The time apart allowed me to look back at our relationship critically, unlike previously. Our existence together had been what we thought was right. While we loved each other, it hadn’t been full of passion. The few weeks I had with Dustin proved it. Thinking about it now only made me realise we’d been more like friends and that realisation enabled me to relax around him again. I knew in my heart nothing he could say would change my mind and make me take him back. For my own sanity I needed to hear him out and maybe someday we could be friends

again. Any type of romance would be impossible to salvage, though. We were on the last flight of stairs— because I was attempting to get back in shape by not taking the lift—when I tripped. I caught my toe on the step, sending myself flying up the stairs. I dropped my bags and splayed my hand out in front of me. Max still held the other, yet he was too slow to catch me. I avoided face planting the floor with one arm, but off balance my other foot slipped and sent me sliding down the stairs on my ass. I bounced over each step, gravity taking control and not giving me a chance to stop myself until my feet hit the wall.

“Are you okay?” Max called, already rushing down to me. I could only laugh. I lay back against the steps until Max stood over me. “It’s a shame I can no longer blame the crutches.” “Tazzie, you could never blame the crutches.” I giggled, taking the hand he offered. Heaving me up, he collected the bags that had slid down with me in one hand and kept hold of me with the other. Still laughing, I led him down the hallway until I stopped in front of my flat. Only once I’d unlocked the door, crossed the threshold, and shut the door behind us did the reality of our situation hit me like a freight train. Suddenly

everything seemed morbid and an awkward tension lingered in the air as my laughter dried up. “Do you want a drink?” I didn’t wait for a response and headed to the kitchen to retrieve two beers from the fridge. I hurried back into the living room, not giving myself the chance to bottle it and lock myself in the bathroom. If I gave myself even a second to consider the conversation about to take place then that was what would happen. Holding out the beer, I jerked my head in the direction of the sofa. “Let’s get this over with.” Max eyed the drink as if I’d presented him with a vial of cyanide. “I thought you meant tea or coffee.”

“Do you really want to have this conversation without it?” I took a swig of my beer. One drink wasn’t going to do anything to damage either of our sobrieties, but I hoped it would give my courage a much needed kick. Max shrugged, accepted the beer, and followed me over to the sofa. I couldn’t wait to get rid of the rock hard lump of foam. I shifted to get comfortable, although my nerves may have had something to do with that. “Is there really no chance for us, Tazzie? I meant what I said on the phone and I’d like to give this another shot if you can forgive me.” Okay, we were jumping straight into things. I had been hoping for a little

adjustment time, which clearly wasn’t going to happen. I glanced down at the neck of my bottle, running my finger around the rim. With a regretful breath I finally met Max’s gaze. “I can’t, Max.” “Can’t give me a chance or can’t forgive me?” “Both, for now. Hopefully at some point I’ll be able to forgive you and move past this, but I don’t see there ever being a future for us as a couple.” His fist tightened on his beer. “Why not? Is it because of how I acted? Because I’m willing to spend every day, every second, making it up to you. Tell me what you want and I’ll do it, Tazzie.” The corners of my lips tilted down.

This conversation was as hard as I’d expected. “There’s nothing you can do, Max. A part of it is I can’t forgive you right now, and the majority of my reasoning is it’d be wrong.” He glanced up at me, perplexed. His eyebrows furrowed low and his mouth set in a confused line. “Why would it be wrong? We were great together until… well, until we weren’t.” “We were friends who found ourselves in a difficult situation and tried to make it work. Yes, we were happy, yet we were forced down a path that wasn’t us. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me if I hadn’t become pregnant you’d have proposed when you did?”

“Well…no…but…” His eyes bore into mine as he stumbled over the words. “It doesn’t mean I didn’t see a future with you, Tazzie.” I gave him a weak smile. “We were friends who screwed around, Max. We had fun and enjoyed each other’s company, but that was it. Neither of us wanted anything serious, and if we’d have gone through with getting married it would have destroyed us in the end. We’re not right for each other.” “I agree it all happened too quickly. It doesn’t mean we weren’t right for each other, though. I loved you and still do. It’s taken me longer than it should have to figure things out, but I do still love you.”

I shook my head. “You’re in love with the idea of me because I’m the safe bet. You know me and it’s easier to try and earn forgiveness than start over with someone new. Deep down you know we were never right. We never had an allconsuming passion in our relationship. You deserve to feel that too.” “Too? You have found someone else?” I hated to see his heartbreak because with that one word his expression crumpled. “I thought I had. It’s complicated.” His shoulders slumped in defeat. “You feel all-consuming passion with him?” I nodded hesitantly. Even a mere thought of Dustin spiked my pulse.

“Is he good to you?” “We’re both working through some things. I don’t know where we stand with each other right now, but he’s a good guy. He’s been dealt a bad hand like us, but he’s got a good heart.” Max reached over and took my hand in his. It was chilled from the beer he’d been holding and slightly damp from the condensation. He ran his thumb over the back of my hand, peering up at me through his eyelashes. “He’s an idiot if he lets you go, Tazzie. I should know.” “Ma-ax.” My voice broke around his name. While I hated hurting him, it would have been wrong to give him false hope. “It’s okay, Tazia. One day I’ll realise

you’re right about all of this. I’m hoping it will come sooner than later, but it’s what I deserve after how I treated you.” He rose, placing the half-drunk bottle on the table, and dried his hands on his jeans. “We both deserve someone who knocks our worlds off their axis. I was never that person for you.” Standing, I embraced him. He locked his arms around my waist as tightly, his chin resting on top of my head. “I’m so sorry, Tazia, for everything. I should have stayed and never have blamed you. Of course it wasn’t your fault and rather than think about anything rationally, I allowed my anger to consume me and I took it out on

you. I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am. You would never intentionally hurt an ant, let alone your own child.” A familiar burning sensation rose in my eyes and throat. Burying my face in his shirt, I fisted it in my hands as I attempted to keep the tears from breaking free. When I spoke my voice sounded thick with emotion, the words hoarse and scratchy. “I don’t blame you for how you acted, Max. Yet it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt like you’d dragged me through every circle of Hell and back. I understand why you reacted the way you did. I don’t condone, although I can sympathise. You weren’t the only one in pain. One day I’ll be able to

forgive you, it’s just today’s not that day. Everything is still too raw.” I felt his lips against the top of my head and his breath swept over my scalp as he spoke. “I know, Tazzie. I’ll give you all the time you need and you know how to reach me if you ever want to talk.” He dropped his arms from around my waist. The cold air felt like the Arctic when he stepped away. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, refusing to meet his gaze in favour of staring at my shoes. Max placed his hand under my jaw, lifting my head until I met his damp blue eyes. His face was awash with guilt, the once captivating blue I fell in love with

dimmed in pain. “Don’t you ever apologise, Tazia. I fucked up and caused all of this, not you.” “If I’d just—” “No, don’t even go there. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe this was the universe’s way of telling us we didn’t belong together. Hell, I don’t know. What I do know is it was never your fault. If there’s only one thing you take away from this then please let it be none of this was your fault.” “I’m still sorry.” And I was sorry; sorry for everything that happened, and sorry I couldn’t forgive him. Max dipped his head and gently pressed his lips to my cheek. “I’m sorry too. More than you will ever know.”

He pulled back and the metre he put between us felt wider than the Grand Canyon. “I hope you work it out with this other guy and can find happiness, Tazzie. You above anyone else deserve it.” Downhearted, Max turned in the direction of the door. By the time my mouth started to work again, he’d already shut it behind him. Kicking myself into action I raced after him. “Max, wait!” I shouted, stepping out into the hallway to see his slumped figure pause. He glanced over his shoulder sadly. I held up a finger then darted back into my flat to hunt for a piece of paper.

Scribbling down the directions I had engrained in my mind, when I returned to Max with a sticky note in hand he’d moved back to my door. I held out the note. “Visit her. I should have told you before now, but I was so mad at you. You shouldn’t be kept away from your own daughter, so…please visit her.” Max scanned over the note, tears welling in his eyes. He raised his hand to wipe them away and sniffed. “Thank you, Tazzie.” He pulled me into a final, brief hug. Soon he was retreating down the corridor, and I knew it would probably be the last time I saw him.

Chapter Twenty-Two Dustin I had been talking to Ralf when I

heard Tazia’s laughter filter through my door. Even though I’d avoided her for the last few weeks to give myself the time I needed to figure everything out while I focused on promotional events at work, I still kept an eye on her. Therefore I hadn’t been able to resist peering through the peephole to see what had made her laugh. As soon as I saw her hand-in-hand with some other bastard I wished I’d left her alone. The sight of her leading him into her flat churned my stomach as thoughts about what they were doing in there played on my mind. More than once I strode out into the hall, prepared with an excuse to knock on her door, yet each time I’d stopped

myself in time and headed back into my flat to wait. At first I sat on the sofa, only the buzzing anxiety needed a release and soon I started to pace. Images of Tazia sprawled out on her bed in front of that wanker filled my mind. Had I waited too long without giving her an explanation? Of course I had. But I never thought she’d jump into bed with someone else. My nostrils flared at the thought of anyone touching her. She was still mine. It didn’t matter my fucked up thoughts were getting in the way of letting her in, my heart had already attached itself to her and it refused to give up its claim. I’d tried to protect it, and she’d

wormed her way past my defences anyway. “I’m going to murder him if he’s touched her, Michael,” I growled dropping down in front of the tank. Usually their swimming and the gentle hum of the filter calmed me, though not at that moment. I stared at the seahorses for who knew how long. Time became an inane concept as I waited for the sound of her door to open. It probably wasn’t even an hour, yet it felt like days when I finally heard a Tazia’s door shut. Standing, I strode towards mine, about to fling it open when Tazia’s voice froze my steps and my heart. “Max, wait!”

The sound of his name shattered the frozen muscle in my chest into thousands of fragments and knocked the air form my lungs like she’d physically hit me. Why was she with him? What had they been doing all this time? Was she back together with him? Thoughts spun through my mind faster than I could comprehend. It had been bad knowing she was with some random guy, and to hear it was her ex only intensified every emotion surging through me. I stumbled round and sank against my door, sliding down the wood until I reached the floor, my knees drawn up to my chest. Leaning forward, I rested my head on my knees as the muffled voices

from the other side finally stopped. Tazia was mine. She couldn’t be with someone else. I didn’t care if that wanker had come back on the scene, he wasn’t reclaiming her. I wouldn’t allow it. If Tazia wanted him over me then I deserved to be told. With a renewed sense of anger, I sprung up off the floor. Determination powering me, I yanked my door open and stormed across to her flat. Raising my fist, I knocked hard on the wood, making sure she’d be able to hear me. It took forever for the sound of a lock turning to emerge over my ragged breathing. My fists clenched and unclenched as the door creaked open

slowly. “How could you get back together with him?” I blurted before she even had the door fully open. “Dustin?” she questioned, disorientated. “Yes, me, Dustin. Now answer the question. How could you get back with him, Taz?” I stepped past her, and folded my arms to await her answer, hoping I could somehow hold my heart in place when she admitted to what I already knew. “I’m…we didn’t…we’re not…” She sniffed, the words coming out in a choked and confused squeak. When she looked me my rage dissipated instantly. “You’re not with him?”

“Of course not.” Relief flooded my body. The second it had taken her to answer had felt like hours. In two long strides I closed the distance between us. I drew her into my arms, crushing her head against my chest. “Thank fuck.” She struggled against my grip, but I held her tight. I needed to feel her body in my arms and smell her sugary scent for a second longer while the tension seeped from my muscles and my mind came to terms with everything. She was still mine. She hadn’t taken Max back. She sniffed against me, the sound finally registering now my fury induced

haze had lifted. Dropping my hands to her shoulders, I held her at arm’s length to inspect her, and I inhaled sharply. Deep red circles rimmed her eyes and her face was damp and tearstreaked. Where there used to be happiness now only a dull, lifeless sadness consumed her. Tazia’s lips were tilted down at the corners, her hair distressed like she’d pulled on it one too many times. Her lipstick had been smudged, and her whole body seemed heavy, as though she carried an invisible weight on her shoulders. “What happened?” I ran my thumb under both of her eyes to clear the fresh tears. She sighed. I didn’t think it possible

for her to stoop any further, yet as the air left her body so did the remnants of her posture. She reminded me of a deflating bouncy castle folding in on itself. “Did he hurt you, Taz? I swear if he —” “He didn’t. We only talked.” “Then why are you crying?” I stroked back her hair and cupped her jaw to keep her gaze on me. “Why have you stayed away from me?” Her lip quivered and the words came out feebly. The pain in her voice ripped my chest open. “Why are you here?” “I saw you with him and I thought—” “Why would it matter? You’ve ignored me for weeks.”

The accusation stung. “I thought we needed time. That I needed time.” I closed my eyes and composed myself. Opening them, I continued. “When I saw you with him I thought I’d waited too long. I was wrong, Taz. I don’t need space, I need you.” “Well, it took you long enough,” she snapped then leaned into my hand and looked up at me in earnest. “I’m yours.” I didn’t need to hear anything else, the rest could wait. I crashed my lips down on hers, tightening my hand in her hair. I claimed her with my mouth, growling against her lips, and she parted them to allow me in. When I swept my tongue over her bottom lip she moaned and sank

further into my body so I supported her full weight. Her arms encircled my waist and she kissed me back just as furiously. I trailed kisses along her jaw and down her neck. When I grazed the hypersensitive spot at the base of her neck with my teeth she whimpered. The sound sent a jolt of pleasure straight to my dick. With each mewl my jeans became tighter until they reached a painful level. Tazia’s heartbeat thrummed against my lips, causing my lips to quirk in glee. I travelled over her smooth and flawless skin and when I returned to her lips she tasted faintly like passion fruit. “I don’t want to wait anymore,

Dustin.” She pressed her body into me until it would have been impossible for her not to notice every hardened inch pressing back. “Me neither,” I murmured into her mouth. I didn’t want to be apart from her for even a second. She trailed her arms around to my chest then up to my neck. Every movement caused my cock to twitch. “Then why are you?” She ground her hips against me, making it impossible to see why I shouldn’t strip her naked and take her right up against the wall. I groaned into her mouth, trying to listen to the good guy inside my mind. “Taz, you’ve been crying.” She forced her lips back to mine,

cutting off my half-hearted protest. “I want you, Dustin.” “But—” “No buts. I want you to take me.” Her lips curled against mine and images of her on all fours with her delectable ass in the air filled my mind. I pulled back, panting. “You’re making it really hard for me to do the right thing here, Taz.” A glimmer of her old self returned to her eyes as they shone with mischief. “Then don’t.” She reached between us to run her hand along my length. At her touch I came undone and every protest flew out of my mind. I focused on trying not to blow my load.

Cupping her ass I picked her up and her legs wrapped around me. I needed to be inside her. The good guy lost, overpowered by the primal need to claim her in every way possible. I’d given her plenty of opportunities to stop this, but I was beyond that now. Carrying her to her bedroom, I tossed her on the bed. She stared up at me with hunger-filled eyes. Her lips parted and the pulse in her neck ticked while I crawled up the length of her body. I ran my nose over her neck, inhaling her scent, and nibbled on her ear until she gasped. With a chuckle I pulled back to gaze down at her through hooded eyes. I

braced my weight on my forearms either side of her head, rocking my hips against her. The rough denim rubbed against me, and when she started circling her hips beneath me I almost lost it…again. “Do you want me, Taz?” “Dustin,” she pleaded, her fingers clawing into my back. “I’m not sure you do,” I whispered against her ear and blew against the hypersensitive spot there. I raised my hips slightly, putting myself out of reach. Her little moan of need and frustration was worth every second of prolonged agony. When she attempted to pull me back to her, I held firm. Allowing one arm to take my whole

weight, I lowered the other to her stomach. Dipping it under her shirt I raised it up over her body until I uncovered the red lace of her bra. I gulped at the sight, my throat seizing up as I ran my thumb over her hardened nipple peeking through the material. Had I known what lay beneath her shirt I wouldn’t have protested so much. “What do you need, babe?” She arched her back, pushing her breast further into my hand. “You, Dustin.” I kissed her quickly and parted to tear the shirt off over her head. I lowered the cups of her bra and rolled the stiffened peak between my thumb and finger. The breathless moan that came from

the back of her throat made me pinch them lightly until her hands fisted in the duvet beneath us. “Dustin…” I lowered my head, taking her nipple into my mouth. Tazia flexed her hips against me and I chuckled. The sound sent the vibrations directly over her skin. “Please.” “Please what, babe?” I crawled back up her body and brushed a strand of hair back from her eyes. She tugged at my shirt. “Off.” I smirked at her and pulled the fabric over my head in one smooth motion. Throwing it to the floor I gazed down at her. She shook her head. “All of it.”

I placed a kiss on her chin and trailed them down her body. My hands went to her jeans, my eyes remaining fixed on hers as I undid the button. “You first.” I slid the material over her thighs and dropped them to the floor, leaving her laid out in front of me in only her underwear. “You’re gorgeous.” I trailed my finger over her matching panties and she gasped. Her hips jerked beneath my touch. “Please don’t tease me.” I quirked an eyebrow at her and pressed my fingers against her harder, dipping into her through the material. “Take off your bra.” She hurried to comply, hurling the

garment blindly across the room. When she collapsed back against the mattress I lowered my mouth to her sex. She writhed beneath me as I sucked on her through her panties. “I want you inside me, Dustin.” With a growl I drew myself up, my hands flying to my jeans. I dipped my hand into my pocket for my wallet and paused when I came up empty. All I had were my keys. Damn it. “Condom,” I hissed. Tazia shook her head. “I don’t have any.” “Are you on anything?” I was dangerously close to losing it. Tazia shook her head again and I bit

back my frustrated cry. It took all of my willpower to re-button my jeans and Tazia pouted up at me. “I’ll be back in a second.” I literally ran from the room, hurrying back to my flat to grab a few from my bedside drawer—because one wasn’t going to cut it. It took me less than a minute and when I returned Tazia was exactly where I left her, except for one difference. She’d lost her panties. I swallowed hard at the sight of her lean body spread out before me. She wasn’t posing for me, and still she oozed sexiness. “Are you going to stare at me all night, or are you going to finish what you

started?” Her eyes dropped to my groin and my cock jerked. I threw the condoms down on the bed beside her and tore off my jeans. Placing my knee between her legs I forced her to part them wider as I prowled up her body. I tweaked her nipple, lowering my mouth to hers. “Finish? I’m just getting started and we’ve got all night, babe.”

Chapter Twenty-Three Tazia Dustin hadn’t been kidding. I awoke

to feather kisses trailing down my spine and a pleasurable ache between my legs. I inhaled deeply, stretching lazily, and shuffled back into Dustin’s chest. His morning stubble grazed my shoulder and he draped an arm over my stomach to draw me even further into him. “Morning.” I hummed sleepily and wiggled my ass against him. I could feel his morning erection nestled against me and he let out a guttural groan. “Don’t, Taz.” His hand dropped to my hip to still me. Not that it stopped me from trying. I wriggled against him, eliciting another grunt. “Seriously, babe. We don’t have any condoms left.” His husky and deep voice

dampened his protest. “Fine.” With a huff I stilled and Dustin chuckled into my neck. “I promise I’ll go to the store later.” I twisted in his arms until we were face-to-face. Reaching up, I brushed his hair from his forehead, studying it as it flopped back into place. “You’d better.” “I’m a guy, Taz. If there’s one thing I’m not going to put off, it’s going to the store for condoms.” I lowered my hand between us, glancing at him deviously as I circled his shaft. “That doesn’t mean we can’t do other things.” He fell onto his back with a hiss. “Oh fuck.” When I ran my thumb over the tip of

his cock his hips jerked and his eyes rolled back into his head. I ran my hand up and down his length, relishing in the fact his body was completely at my mercy. I slid to my knees and crawled down the bed. Dustin’s eyes snapped open and his hand flew to grip my forearm. “Don’t.” The word came out strained, like it had taken all of his willpower to force it out. “Why not?” “Because if you do that I’m not going to be able to hold back.” I trailed a finger along the underside of his cock. “That’s kind of the point.” “Christ,” he muttered, the sound muffled by the arm he’d thrown over his

face. I dipped my head, about to take him in my mouth when he hauled me up so I was level with him. Holding my chin between his thumb and forefinger he gazed at me lustfully. “When I come I want it to be in you.” “You don’t look like you mean that.” I slanted my mouth over his. “And technically coming in my mouth is inside of me.” His chest rose and fell rapidly beneath me. “Are you trying to kill me?” “No, I’m trying to give you a blow job,” I deadpanned. Faster than I thought possible Dustin slid out of bed. Grabbing my ankles, he hauled me to the edge of the mattress and

picked me up. My legs circled him and my arms locked around his neck as he carried me into the bathroom. “We’re having shower sex?” I giggled against his neck, feeling his groan more than hearing it. “You seriously need to shut up.” I pulled back to stare at him while he focused on switching on the water. “Why? We’re in the bathroom, both naked. It’s the only logical conclusion.” “You’re insatiable. We’re not having shower sex. I told you we’re out of condoms.” “Like you don’t want it too. You’re as bad as me.” “Maybe, but I’m the one showing some restraint.”

I wriggled from his grasp, deliberately sliding down his body so he felt every one of my curves. “What are we doing then?” “We’re both going to take a cold shower.” I backed away shaking my head. “Oh hell no. No way are you getting me in there if it’s cold.” “Want to bet?” Dustin reached for me, catching my wrist when I made an attempt to flee. He spun me back into him and squeezed my body against his chest. Tighter than a boa constrictor, his arms locked around me and he picked me up so my toes skimmed the floor. He pulled open the shower door and I squealed. I endeavoured to push back

against him, yet it was futile. I struggled in his grip in a last ditch attempt to free myself as he stepped into the cubicle. The icy lashings of water cascaded down on top of me and I shrieked like a banshee. I clung to Dustin, stealing as much of his body heat as possible. “I hate you.” His chest rumbled with his laugh. “Want me to wash your back?” “N-n-no.” My teeth started chattering. I had a lot less body fat and muscle than Dustin so the cold penetrated my skin to reach my bones faster. “Still feel like fucking me?” “Don’t be a jerk,” I snapped, pulling away and crossing my arms over my breasts. Goosebumps prickled my skin

and I shivered. “Come here.” Dustin drew me to him with one hand; the other reached behind him and twisted the temperature gauge. Gradually the water warmed and when I finally stopped trembling he let me go. “Better?” I glowered. “You’re still an ass, but yes that’s better.” “Good. Now turn around so I can wash your hair.” *** I finally made the decision to let Dustin in while he washed my hair. His touch must have had some kind of magical power because as he ran his

fingers over my scalp and massaged in the shampoo everything seemed clearer. Maybe it had been the sex. I felt connected to Dustin more than I ever had, and the feelings I had for him were stronger than anything I’d felt for anyone else. By the time he began washing away the suds, I knew I couldn’t postpone revealing Janie to him any longer. He had the right to know what he was getting himself into if he wanted to take a chance on me. I thought it better to get everything out in the open early on now we’d reached a new level of intimacy. Talking to Max had been the first step of fixing everything inside my head; telling Dustin

was the next. We couldn’t make any progress with secrets hanging between us so I needed to put my fear of his reaction to rest. The only way to do that was by confronting it. Dustin headed home to change with the promise of coming straight back. I used the time to do the same and was sitting on the arm of the sofa when he returned. Something in my expression must have revealed my change in mood because Dustin walked over to me and settled between my legs. “What’s wrong? You’re not regretting anything are you?” He ran his hands up and down my arms. My eyes widened. “No, of course not. I don’t regret a single thing.”

“Then what is it?” He trailed a finger over my cheek bone, tracing the curvature. When he reached my lashes I shut them. “Taz?” “I want to take you somewhere.” I kept my eyes shut, so they couldn’t betray me by revealing how much his reaction worried me. “Okay, where?” I ran my tongue over my bottom lip. “Can we just go and you can see for yourself?” He kissed my forehead and my muscles relaxed. “Anything you want, babe.” Opening my eyes, I took his hand in mine and led him from the building. He must have sensed I was deep in thought

because for the entire drive he remained silent. My body drove on auto-pilot, the route a muscle memory I’d frequented the location so often. It only took half an hour to reach, and finally I slowed the car and parked in front of a quaint village church. I remained fixated on the crumbling grey stonework. My hands tightened around the wheel and I inhaled deeply. I bit down on my tongue, hoping the pain would counter the tears threatening to spill. Without looking at Dustin, I slid from the car. His door clicked shut and his feet crunched on the gritty ground. I kept staring at the rows of headstones in the graveyard.

Dustin placed his arm around my waist, holding me close. “Are you okay?” I sniffed. “Yeah, come on.” I guided him round to the back of the church without a word. At some point I’d taken his hand in mine, but I didn’t remember doing it. It surprised me that he hadn’t pulled it away or made a comment since I squeezed it unbearably tight. With every step my pressure on his hand increased until, finally, I stopped. “You wanted to know what I was keeping from you, well…” I pointed at the headstone, allowing the gold engraving on the granite to finish the sentence I couldn’t. “Janie Marie Nixon.” Dustin read the

name aloud, his gaze darting between me and the headstone in confusion. Every thought travelled across his face until things eventually clicked into place. Dustin opened his mouth to speak, though no words came out. “She’s my daughter,” I whispered to the ground. I didn’t want to see any accusations flood his eyes; it would hurt too much. What I didn’t expect was for him to wrap his arms around me in a tight hug. When he spoke his voice came out low and pained. “Oh, Taz.” “I didn’t have an abortion. I’m not like her,” I blurted into his chest. Dustin lifted his hand to my head, holding me against him tighter. His warm

breath swept through my hair. “I know that. I never thought you did.” Rather than relief, disbelief flowed through me and settled in my stomach. I pressed back against his grip until he dropped his arms. Wiping the back of my hand over my eyes, I peered up at him through my lashes. “You didn’t?” I sniffed. Dustin trailed his knuckles over my jaw. “It never even crossed my mind.” “Why?” “People who have abortions don’t generally bury their baby, Taz. And I know you’re nothing like Elora.” “It’s my fault, though.” I gazed down at Janie’s grave as I spoke, noticing the fresh lilies for the first time. Warmth

fluttered through me at the sight and the remnant slivers of guilt seeped into the damp grass. Without a doubt I knew they were from Max. “Tazia, look at me.” I lifted my head. “Come here.” I stepped into his embrace without hesitation. Wrapping my arms around his waist I drew solace from his strength and allowed the scent of spice and sandalwood to soothe me. When I stepped back I could see the questions he wanted to ask swirling. “You can ask me.” Dustin glanced to the side, clearly uncomfortable. “What…um…how…” “Ask whatever you want, Dustin. I’ll

answer anything, I don’t want there to be secrets anymore.” He exhaled loudly. “Was she a still birth?” I shook my head, my eyes downcast. “She shouldn’t have been.” Dustin took my hand in his and squeezed gently. “Whatever it is, you can tell me, Taz. I’m not going anywhere.” I steeled myself for the torrent of words about to spill from my lips. I needed to get them out as quickly as possible or else I never would. “I was twenty-six weeks and I slipped and fell down the stairs. By the time we reached the hospital there was nothing they could do. I miscarried, but I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t fallen.”

I watched Dustin carefully, yet he kept his emotions and thoughts guarded. “Did you really fall?” My heart stopped for a second and my mouth became dry. He didn’t believe me. He thought I was to blame. My eyes burned, and I had to blink away the tears fuelled by his disbelief. “Why would I say I had if I didn’t?” He cupped my jaw, swiping away the lone tear cooling on my cheek. “Babe, no. I don’t think it was your fault. I meant, did you really slip or did Max…” I gasped. The last thing I ever thought he’d assume was domestic violence, though with his background it shouldn’t have been a surprise. “No, Max didn’t

hurt me. I really did slip. I was carrying some shopping in from the car and I didn’t see a leaflet on the stairs. It was how I broke my leg too.” “Are you sure? You can tell me if it was him. I know what the feeling of not being able to talk is like, and you can trust me.” The familiar burning encroached on my sight as tears welled in my eyes. “Thank you, but it really wasn’t him.” Dustin opened his mouth to say something else and I cut him off. “Can we talk about the rest back the flats?” He snapped his mouth shut and nodded. When he started to head back to the car and realised I wasn’t following him, he glanced over his shoulder in

question. “I’ll be there in a minute.” I peered down at my daughter’s headstone and understanding shone in his gaze. “I’ll wait in the car.” I crouched down. Tracing the numbers of her birth and death date I held back the sob. “I love you, baby girl. I’m so sorry.” I raised my fingers to my lips, kissing them, then pressed them against the frigid stone. Rising to my feet, I clutched the winged pendant in my fist tightly. It was my way of carrying Janie with me wherever I went. “I’ll visit again soon. I promise.”

Chapter Twenty-Four Dustin I

didn’t

know

what

I’d

been

expecting, but it hadn’t been that. I’d built my own assumptions on what had happened to her, though never that. Fuck, twenty-six weeks. I couldn’t imagine what Tazia had gone through, even with my own experiences to draw on. I’d had five weeks to come to terms with the fact that I was going to be a father before it Elora ripped it away. Tazia had twenty-six. She’d have seen her baby, felt it move, and then she lost her. She even knew the gender and had a name picked out. Obviously she held herself responsible. I could see from the way she carried herself when she talked about it that the guilt still weighed upon her. However, I didn’t blame her.

Nothing she told me changed any of my feelings for her, except for making me realise she was stronger than I realised. Our stories were so similar, yet they also weren’t. Despite having both lost our babies, nothing felt the same. Tazia’s situation was far worse. Even though I never got a funeral, and I didn’t have a grave to visit, what I’d been through felt like a minor blip in my life. I loved my baby with all of my heart, and I hated I’d never get to see it, but when I compared the two, nothing in my life had changed. I hadn’t experienced what Tazia had, and I hadn’t formed a bond. When I grieved it was over someone I never knew and despite

hurting like hell, now it was only a minute sting. People say it’s hard to miss what you’ve never know and it’s partially true. I would forever wonder what could have been and look back in anger, yet over time I knew it would fade. It already was. I was beginning to move on, but Taz didn’t have it that easy. She approached the car with tight steps, her shoulders hunched and her fist at her neck. When she slid into the driver’s seat I wanted to hold her and tell her how sorry I was, though it didn’t feel right. Sorry didn’t feel strong enough. The last thing I had wanted was

people to tell me they were sorry. Condolences didn’t bring the life lost back. It didn’t ease the pain. It did fuck all. Without a word, Taz started the engine and pulled out of the car park. Neither of us spoke on the journey despite the hundreds of questions whirling around inside my mind. I chose to ignore them, giving Tazia the time to herself she needed. She’d shared more than I expected sooner than I thought she would, and it hadn’t been easy. She kept sniffing and blinking, battling to keep her emotions at bay. When we reached our building I rounded the car and pulled her under my

arm immediately. Her body quivered against me. Leading Taz out of the lift, I guided her into my flat and over to the sofa. I drew her down onto my lap, pulling off her jacket then cradling her against my chest. “Do you hate me?” The words were barely audible. At first I thought I’d misheard, only the anguish in her eyes told me everything I needed to know. “Of course not. Why would you even think that?” “I killed my baby and Elora—” I silenced her with a kiss. I barely grazed her lips, yet it was enough to cause her to melt into me and shut up. I cradled her jaw. “No, babe. You’re

nothing alike. What happened to you was an accident. What she did was intentional.” “I can’t be trusted.” I smoothed the creases on her face with a finger. “Where’s all of this coming from, Taz?” She broke away from my scrutiny in an attempt to study the wall over my shoulder, but I refused to allow her to move her head completely. “Let me in, Taz. What else is there?” She heaved a sigh. “Max blamed me. He…” Tazia bit down on her lip and averted her gaze to hide her agony. “He left me. As soon as the hospital released me he gave me two weeks to recover then said he wanted me gone because he

couldn’t stand to look at me after what I’d done. He called off our engagement and I didn’t fight it. It became unbearable living in the same house as him. He only ever looked at me with hatred, disgust, or accusation.” Each revelation gutted me further. I didn’t think I had any organs left to rip out and then she revealed more and I lost another piece of me. She’d been engaged to the wanker and he’d abandoned her when she needed him most. Tazia had lost her baby and her man. What kind of person did that? Yes, he probably fucking hurt too. It felt like someone had punched a hole in my chest when I found out what Elora

had done. It didn’t mean you left. “So I moved out. I packed up my stuff and left only my ring and the items he’d bought me behind. I forced him to drive me here so I could start afresh.” “You were engaged?” “He proposed when I told him I was pregnant. We’d been together for a few months but lived together throughout university with a few others.” She shrugged. “It wouldn’t have lasted. We both thought we were doing the right thing, though looking back we were being naive.” Only one other question came to mind and I didn’t want to speak it. While she’d said they weren’t back together, it didn’t ease my worry or my anger. A

powerful urge to seek him out and make sure he understood where I stood in Tazia’s life surged through me. I wanted him to know she was mine. “Just say it, Dust. Your thoughts are written all over your face.” She sounded weary. “Why did he come back?” She settled against my chest, leaning into me and burying her nose in my neck. “To apologise and tell me he didn’t blame me.” “Glad he realised it.” I couldn’t keep the bitterness from my voice. “He’s not a bad guy, Dustin. We were both hurting and that’s how he dealt with it. I know it wasn’t right, but he isn’t a bad guy.”

“You’re a lot kinder than I would be.” “Don’t mistake it for kindness. I haven’t got over how he acted or forgiven him, though I can see his point of view. It’s going to take time for us to be any kind of friends again.” I placed a kiss on top of her head then rested my cheek on her. I had nothing left to say. There was nothing that would take her pain away or speed the process up so I settled for holding her. It seemed I made the right choice because Tazia quieted and finally calmed in my arms.

Chapter Twenty-Five Tazia One Month Later

Since everything had come out, Dustin became less hesitant around me. However, even now, a month later, I kept waiting for any sign he wasn’t okay with what happened between me and Max. I expected him to doubt me, or finally decide it was too much to handle on top of everything he had going on, but so far there’d been nothing. Surprisingly, he’d been my rock throughout everything. I couldn’t begin to explain how much it meant that day I told him everything when he held me for hours, cooked me dinner, curled up with me to watch a movie, and then carried me to bed and held me all night. He didn’t try to tell me he knew what I was feeling, or to

convince me I was wrong. Rather he allowed me to simply feel. Over the month he took on my problems like I had taken on his, and we worked through everything together, being the other’s strength in their moments of weakness. I smiled, remembering his kindness as I piped chocolate on the freshly cooled éclairs. It was a relief to be busy and making cakes for someone other than myself and Dustin again. I’d returned to work weeks ago, and walking into the bakery every morning still never became old. I loved creating the cakes and seeing them pile up in the display case in an appetising arrangement. Casey, one of the other employees I was closest to, bumped my shoulder

with hers, causing me to squirt chocolate over the counter and mess up three éclairs in the process. “Bitch,” I griped, though she showed no concern. “If I was you I’d get my ass out front pronto. Your man is talking to Heather. Something about you having the weekend off?” I dropped the piping bag and wiped my hands on my apron. Hurrying out to the front of the shop I spotted Dustin leaning on the counter in front of Heather, the owner. “Heather, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know anything about this. I wouldn’t expect you to give me holiday after the weeks I’ve had off.” I glowered at Dustin,

which he chose to ignore and went on like I hadn’t interrupted his conversation. “How about I do a magic trick? If I can guess your card correctly, you let Tazia have the weekend off.” I groaned. “Why the hell would you offer that? Now we’re definitely screwed.” I’d seen Dustin’s skill when it came to magic…it was non-existent. “I’ve been practising. And thanks for the vote of confidence. Some girlfriend you are.” I stared at him dubiously and mouthed. “We are so screwed.” Heather interrupted our little quarrel by stepping forward and resting her arms

on the counter. “All right, you get one shot.” Dustin reached around to his back pocket, pulling out the deck of cards he always carried with him. His reliance on them lessened every day, but I noticed he still liked to have them available at any moment. Shuffling the deck, he fanned the cards out like I’d seen him do on numerous occasions. “Pick a card.” Heather took a card and held it close to her chest. We were starting to draw the attention of the other customers around. “Now remember what it is and place it back in the deck.” Dustin closed his eyes while she slipped her card near the

middle of the pile. He gave them a quick shuffle then proceeded to flick through them. “Ace of diamonds.” One corner of Heather’s mouth pulled up in regret. “Nope, sorry.” “Told you so,” I mumbled. Dustin held up a finger. “Give me one more shot. Is it the ace of clubs?” “It’s not an ace at all.” He glanced down at the cards in frustration. “Okay, let me try another trick.” When Heather shook her head he lowered the deck and spun to the customer behind him. “How about you? Pick a card.” The elderly man gazed at him warily,

although he reached out with a frail hand to take a card. Dustin went through the trick again only to fail for a second time. “Best out of three!” he called, moving on to the next customer. Heather sidled up beside me. “Tazia, if you get him out of here now, and stop him scaring away my customers, I’ll let you have the days off this once. Just keep him away. He’s bad for business,” she teased. “Thank you. I promise I won’t ask for time off again.” “How can I say no to a guy like that really?” “I ask myself that daily.” Seeing Dustin about to move onto his next victim, I dashed from behind the counter

to stop him. Gripping his arm, I guided him from the building. “You won, you can stop scaring everyone now.” “See? I told you I could get you the day off.” “You’re going to get me fired.” Dustin stepped closer, holding me loosely around my waist. “Nah, Heather loves me. She’d never fire you or she wouldn’t get to see my beautiful face any longer.” I scoffed. “You’re not that irresistible.” He tugged me flush against him, dropping his lips to mine. “You seem to think I am. And anyway, if she fires you, I’ll buy you your own place. Deal?” “What?”

He shrugged. “I’ll be able to afford it once I start Formula One and you mentioned wanting to own your own bakery.” I pursed my lips. “You’re not buying me a bakery.” He gave me his best cocky grin. “We’ll see.” “Dustin, promise me.” He kissed me, making it hard for me to form any kind of reason on why I was protesting. “Please, Dust. Promise me you won’t spend that kind of money on me.” His breath swept over my forehead with his sigh. He smelt like coffee. “Okay, fine. I promise.” “Thank you.” Reluctantly, I parted,

needing to get back to work. “I’ll meet you back at the flat. I guess I have to pack some stuff now.” He gave me another quick kiss and dropped his arms. “We need to leave by six.” *** I couldn’t believe what Dustin had done, but I couldn’t deny the excitement I felt over being able to see him race for the first time. Although he’d already won the Driver’s Championship, it didn’t lessen his enthusiasm for his final GP2 race. I couldn’t think of a better way to finish this segment of his career than adding a final trophy to his collection.

Dropping my keys into the bowl by my door, I shuffled through the post I had collected on my way upstairs. Bill, bill, flyer, leaflet, advert, coupon… I paused at the final envelope in the pile. My heart pounded against my ribcage like a whole timpani section had set up camp in my chest. The envelope was blank; obviously hand delivered again. I had forgotten all about the first note still tucked away in my drawer. Nothing had come of it up until now so I’d brushed it off. I’d even ruled out Max after his well-wishes for me and Dustin. I collapsed on my sofa. IKEA delivered it weeks ago and my flat

finally felt like home. With shaking hands I unfolded the envelope. A part of me wanted to put it straight in the bin and save myself the torment, yet I knew I wouldn’t be able to push it from my mind. I slid the card out with a bated breath to see the same design as the first. When I flicked it open no picture fell out this time, but the words leaped off the page. You can’t keep him. It’s better not to get attached.

I dropped the card like it had burned me. My hand shot to mouth to stifle my gasp. What the hell did it mean?

Who was sending them? I didn’t know how much time had passed when Dustin knocked and let himself into my flat. I’d given him a key not long ago and I’d kept his since I looked after Michael and Ralf. He took one look at me, dropped the duffle bag he held, and hurried to my side. “What happened? What’s wrong?” He knelt in front of me, taking my still trembling hands in his. “Under your foot.” Dustin swivelled, lifting one leg and then the other to reveal the back of the card. He glanced between me and it in confusion. He reached out for it, picking it up by the corner. Only my breathing interrupted the silence as he studied it

and flipped it open. A low growl came from the back of his throat, a deep crimson filling his cheeks. “What the fuck is this?” I whimpered, “I don’t know, it had been delivered before I got home like the first.” He snapped his head up from where he’d been scrutinizing the paper and I realised my mistake. “The first?” I attempted to slide past him when he grabbed my thighs. “Where are you going?” “To get the other one,” I snapped and he dropped his hands immediately. I pulled the envelope from the drawer, returned to the living room, and handed it to him. I held my breath while he

opened it, preparing myself for the outburst when he saw the photo as well. His fist clenched around the envelope, squeezing it into a mangled ball. “When did you get this?” “Uh…the weekend you were in Monza.” Disbelief radiated off him. “You’ve had this over a month and didn’t think to show me?” “It didn’t seem important. I assumed it was only a twisted joke.” Dustin picked up both cards in one hand and grabbed my wrist with the other. “Have you finished packing?” I shook my head and he pushed me into my bedroom. “Go and grab some stuff.”

I paused, unsure as to whether I should leave him. “Quickly, Tazia. We have to get on the road,” he ground out through a clenched jaw while pulling his mobile from his pocket. I hurried to obey, throwing a few outfits blindly into my suitcase. Zipping it up, I wheeled it out behind me to find Dustin locked in a hushed conversation with Anthony. I couldn’t make out what they were saying and they shut up the instant I approached. “Ready?” Dustin’s shoulders had lost some of their tension, though his smile hadn’t. “I guess so. What’s happening with those?” I pointed to the cards Anthony

now held in a plastic bag. “He’s going to send them to a friend on the force and get them fingerprinted.” “Is that really necessary? It’s probably an enraged fan or something, nothing serious.” Dustin cupped my jaw, forcing me to focus on him. “Did you think that when you opened it? Because it sure as hell didn’t look like it from my point of view.” “Well, no, but—” “Then I’m not taking the chance. I’ve seen things like this before, Tazia. I’ve seen people I love get hurt because of careers like mine. There is nothing you can say to convince me to take any kind of risk with you.”

I gulped at the intensity in his gaze. It bore into me, daring me to challenge him. “Okay,” I whispered anxiously. A throat cleared behind us. “We have to get a move on, Dustin. I can’t get a plane delayed for you.” Dustin took the suitcase from my hand and threw an arm around my shoulder. Anthony picked up Dustin’s bag and we followed a few steps behind him. “Dustin?” “Hmm?” “You don’t think Elora’s behind this do you? I mean, she isn’t this crazy, right?” He squeezed me. “I don’t know, Taz. That’s what I’m worried about. She is

exactly the type of crazy to do something like this.”

Chapter Twenty-Six Dustin Abu Dhabi

How could she have kept something like that from me? A fireball of rage blazed in my chest. I ended up having to give Anthony my phone so I didn’t call Elora and demand the truth. Anthony managed to talk me down from that ledge by convincing me it was best not to tip her off. Nonetheless, it did nothing to quell the protective fury. “Get your head in the game, Dustin.” Anthony swatted me on the head with his clipboard as I paced past him for the fifth time. “Push everything to one side and focus on your damned job. You can’t do anything about those cards or Elora this second so. Let. It. Go.” I growled, snatching my helmet off the table in my room. “Why does it

matter? I’ve won the title, and I have a contract for next year. So what if I don’t win?” “It sure as hell matters if you crash and kill yourself. Pull it together and go out on a high. Don’t you want to stand on the podium in first place knowing you’re the GP2 World Champion? End this section of your career on a good note.” He was right, of course he was. Saying it and doing it were two different things, though. “Think of the champagne, Dustin.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s rose water, Tony, and it’s fucking disgusting. If you want to sell the podium to me that’s not the way to go.” He grimaced. “Yeah, I never

understood having the final race in a dry country. Who can celebrate without alcohol?” “Not you, that’s for sure.” I chuckled. “But it’s what happens when you have a sport run by money.” Anthony glanced over his shoulder nervously. “Don’t let the teams hear you say that. I don’t want to have to control a media frenzy over the new guy criticising the bosses. They’ve announced your contract today so make sure that’s the story printed alongside your win.” I saluted him mockingly. “Will do.” A knock at the door interrupted us and Anthony moved to allow Taz into my room. I’d left her with my chief

mechanic while I’d suited up, not trusting her to be around me in any state of undress. Okay…I couldn’t trust myself around her. It wasn’t my fault when she looked so sexy. The way her dress clung to her curves made my throat dry. I’d told him to bring her by soon, not wanting her left alone for even a second. Logically, I knew the danger wouldn’t have followed us to Abu Dhabi—if it had we were in bigger trouble than I thought—but I needed my mind eased. “You only have a minute, Dustin. The press are eager to see you.” Anthony gave me a knowing look as he shut the door behind him.

Taz stepped into my arms and pressed herself against me. “I can think of a few things which would only take a minute.” She gave me a salacious grin, rising on her toes to kiss me. When her tongue traced my bottom lip wanting entry, I pulled back with a groan and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “I don’t want to go out in front of the cameras with a hardon, Taz.” She chuckled and even her breath sweeping over my neck turned me on. Taking her shoulders in my hands, I held her at arm’s length, needing to widen the gap between us. “Come on, babe. I need to get going.” She dropped her gaze to my crotch and my dick jumped in response when

she licked her lips hungrily. “Taz, stop it.” “Stop what?” She peered up at me with big, round eyes. I crushed her to me. “Don’t act so innocent. You know exactly what you’re doing. Come on.” Not giving her the chance to argue and change my mind as to why I should leave rather than blow off the race to take her back to the hotel, I pulled her from the room. My guys already had my car out on the grid so the garage was empty of everyone except Anthony and my press team. I gave Anthony a hard stare, silently reminding him of our earlier conversation. As long as Taz stayed

glued to his side I’d be able to keep my head in the race. He gave me a curt nod in acknowledgement when I stopped a few metres away with Tazia. Spinning her to me, I hooked her chin so her gaze met mine. “Enjoy the race, babe. Don’t forget to cheer for me.” She kissed me, hard. Her fingers tangled in the back of my hair and she pulled my head down so her lips could reach my ear. “I like this suit by the way. I think it’s going to feature in many of my fantasies when I’m alone and in bed from now on.” I shook my head. “You’re evil.” “You love it.” She beamed at me, not the least bit contrite. Placing my hand on her back I pushed

her in the direction of Anthony and slapped her ass playfully. She squealed, quickening her footsteps. “Stay with, Tony, all right?” She flicked the Vs at me with a chuckle. God I loved her. Wait, what?

Chapter Twenty-Seven Tazia I grabbed Anthony’s hand, squeezing

unbearably tight so that when I leapt from my seat I nearly dragged him with me. Eyes wide in panic, I couldn’t tear my gaze from the screens in front of me. If it hadn’t been for Anthony returning my iron grip I’d have been tempted to run out onto the track. The live feed on the monitors cut to a replay, showing me Dustin’s crash from every angle. When the on board feed played I covered my open mouth with a hand, not able to stifle my gasp. In a split second Dustin lost control. He tried to correct the oversight, but couldn’t pull the car back on track. The car hit the gravel trap and from that point on Dustin was only along for the ride as the car hurtled towards the Armco barrier.

The instant it smashed into the strip of metal, the car crumpled and then the feed cut back to the live race still going on. “Why aren’t they showing him getting out?” I squealed, frantically looking around the garage. Why the hell was no one else panicking? “Tazia, sit back down. That was a standard crash, he should walk away from it fine.” “Should?” I screeched. “Standard?” Anthony tugged me back to my seat and loomed over me. Pressing my shoulders back into the cool metal, he ordered, “Stay here. I’ll check with the pit wall to see if he’s been on the radio.” I opened my mouth to protest, leaning forward to follow him.

He pointed a finger at me in the universal command for wait. “Stay. There.” I grumbled about being treated like a dog and let him go, figuring I’d get the information quicker that way. When Anthony headed back over to me, the cameras cut to the crash scene again. Dustin’s mangled car stuck out of the barrier in a crumpled heap. The front end wasn’t even recognisable and I couldn’t see him anywhere, only the medical car. I glanced to Anthony through hazy eyes and dug my nails into my palms in an attempt to fight back the dread. “He’s okay, Tazia. He’s on his way back here as we speak.”

My whole body deflated, the tension releasing in a wave so fast I couldn’t hold myself up. I sank down onto the chair, exhausted. “Oh, thank God.” As if summoned by our words, Dustin strode into the garage with his helmet still on. I jumped out of my seat and rushed to him, but he held out his hand to ward me off. I tripped over my feet, not expecting the gesture and when I stumbled Anthony took hold of my arm. “Give him a minute.” Dustin peeled off his gloves and bunched them in his hand. He wrung the material tightly then with a roar loud enough to be heard through his helmet, he hurled them into the corner of the garage. A couple of water bottles

toppled from the shelves, hitting the floor like skittles in a fairground booth. One of Dustin’s team hurried to collect them when Dustin lashed out at a chair. With a forceful kick he sent it skating across the shiny floor and stalked back to his room, unbuckling his helmet as he went. I knew from the few Formula One races I’d watched that when a driver kept their helmet on it meant they didn’t want to talk to anyone, yet I didn’t think it included their girlfriends. My body twitched, itching to follow him. “I’ll go and talk to him, Taz, okay? I’ll figure out what happened and then I’ll come and get you.” I hated it.

I wanted to be there for him, though I didn’t know the first thing to say or do other than to fuss over him. That didn’t seem like what he needed so begrudgingly I agreed. With a huff I dropped down on my chair and crossed my legs. I attempted to watch the rest of the race, but without Dustin on track it held no interest. I shifted on the cool metal, re-crossing my legs repeatedly. Glancing around the garage I noticed no one was paying attention to me. I glanced to the door Dustin and Anthony had gone through, making a snap decision to follow them. I reached the door to Dustin’s room without a fuss and raised my hand to knock when

barked words on the other side stopped me. “Is she why you crashed?” “What the fuck do you think? She’s always been a distraction. You were the one to point that out to me. You warned me not to get involved time and time again.” My heart clenched. Surely Dustin wasn’t talking about me? The door muffled Anthony’s response then something crashed. “I don’t care what you have to do, get her the fuck out of here!” “Dustin, I can’t remove people because you have a problem with them. I don’t know what you’re expecting.” “I expect you to do your damned job

and look after my interests. Seeing her right now is not in my best interests.” “I’ll see what I can do.” I sank against the wall, my knees weak beneath me. I heard footsteps approaching and held my breath. Anthony stepped from the room, jumping when he caught sight of me. Guilt filled his eyes. “Tazia…” “Is he okay?” I didn’t know why I still cared. Clearly he wanted me gone. “Physically he’s fine, though mentally he isn’t in a good place.” He draped an arm over my shoulder. “Come on, let’s get you back to the hotel.” Not giving me a choice in the matter, Anthony led me away. If I hadn’t been certain before Dustin had been talking

about me Anthony’s gesture confirmed it. “Get ready for the after-party, okay? Either Dustin or myself will collect you at the scheduled time.” Anthony led me out to a car he had waiting at the back of the garage. I slid in, too stunned to protest, and he shut the door behind me so the blacked out windows dulled the burning sun. *** For a few hours I’d resolved to not go to the after-party. If Dustin didn’t want me, I didn’t want him either. In the end, however, I decided that if he wanted to end things then I’d at least get one night of being treated like a princess

out of it. I spent hours primping and preening and when a knock rapped on my hotel room door I had just slipped into my heels. I unlocked the door with my head held high and my posture upright. I refused to allow Dustin to see me hurting over him. My show of nonchalance turned out to be for nothing. Anthony waited on the other side of the door wearing a tailored suit with his hands clasped loosely in front of him. I glanced up and down the hallway, searching. “Dustin’s going to meet us there. The team had some things they wanted him to take care of.”

I stared at him dubiously. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not. However, I hadn’t dressed up for nothing and I planned to show Dustin what he stood to lose and make him regret it. As if it wasn’t my first time in heels for months, I glided past Anthony with long, graceful strides. He jogged to close the distance between us and guided me up to the private area in the hotel reserved for the after-party. The scale and grandeur of the building still astounded me. Compared to everything back in England, it belonged in a different league. The area which had been set aside for us was the Skylite Lounge on the top floor. Its light-filled glass canopy that enclosed the entire

building had been illuminated in a warm purple to give the feeling of a modern club. At the centre of the room and lit up with turquoise lights beneath the giant hole in the roof was the bar. I would definitely head over there as soon as possible. Music poured from the speakers and my gaze drifted from the line of palm trees at the back of the space to the crowd of people. Most were standing around talking, or sitting on the enormous red sofas in smaller groups. I didn’t recognise anyone and a surge of nerves had me backing into Anthony. It was easier to be confident when no one could see it. Anthony’s hand on my back stopped

me from hightailing it out of the room. Guiding me forward, he must have known where to look since we made our way straight through the crowd to Dustin. My steps faltered and I stumbled in my heels at the sight of him. He had his arms wrapped around a petite brunette’s waist so she nestled against his chest and his hands were splayed across her stomach. He lowered his head to her shoulder and placed a kiss on her cheek while she laughed at whatever he said into her ear. I gawped at them, sickness roiling in my stomach. I wanted to throw up. My feet remained glued to the floorboards so I swallowed it down.

How could he throw me away in the space of a few hours like I meant nothing? And why the fuck did Anthony bring me up here? Dustin’s eyes met mine over the brunette’s shoulder. He said something to her and when she nodded he dropped his arms and she separated herself. His gaze remained fixed on mine, but the smile tugging at his lips wasn’t up to his usual calibre. He appeared tired as he approached me. “Hey, you’re here.” He touched his lips to the corner of my mouth, more of a polite greeting than anything else. “You look amazing.” “I know.” I flounced past him, aiming

for the bar. I refused to give him the satisfaction of showing my jealousy, no matter how much it raged within me. If he didn’t want me he’d have to be the one to bring it up. I placed my order and he leaned beside me on the bar. When the bartender returned with my drink, I spun to face the room and sipped at my champagne. “Is everything okay, Taz?” I shrugged away from his hand. “I don’t know, you tell me.” Dustin stepped in front of me, blocking my view of everything else. He folded his arms across his chest. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” I took another sip and

peered round him. The Formula One drivers were easy to pick out. Even if I hadn’t recognised them from the TV, they were the ones surrounded by the biggest crowds. “Taz.” Dustin stepped into my line of sight once more to scowl at me. I snapped my eyes to his and clenched my jaw. “What?” Uncertainty flitted across his face until he composed himself and hardened his expression. I threw back the rest of my drink and turned to place the glass on the bar. As soon as I set it down Dustin’s hand encircled my upper arm. Pulling hard, he tugged me to follow him. He led me through the crowds with determined strides. Pushing past anyone

who got in our way, Dustin didn’t stop until we were in a secluded corner. He pressed me back into the wall and glared down at me. “Talk.” “About what?” “Whatever the hell is going on with you.” He lifted his arm and braced it on the wall to trap me when he noticed my gaze flicker back to the lounge. “Who said anything’s going on?” “If nothing’s going on why are you acting like this? We may have only known each other a few months, but this sure as hell isn’t you, Tazia.” He caressed my cheek with the back of his hand and softened his voice. “What’s going on?” I slapped his hand away. “Oh, I don’t

know. Maybe it’s because someone thinks I’m a distraction who caused them to crash and wanted them out of their sight. It didn’t matter I was terrified you were hurt, you wanted me gone, and then I show up here to find you stuck to another woman like an octopus.” My words started off sarcastic then broke the more I protested. I dipped my head so he wouldn’t see the hurt I knew was plainly displayed. “You could have at least told me yourself, Dustin. Rather than have Anthony escort me from the track. At least have the balls to end things if that’s what you want.” He hooked my chin and no matter how much I fought his grip he was too strong. He forced me to look up at him.

“Babe, no.” Dustin shook his head, his expression clearing of frustration as understanding shone through. I kept mine narrowed, staring at him coldly. “I wasn’t talking about you, Taz. I’ve never thought that about you.” “You weren’t?” I didn’t buy it. “Of course not. You’re the best thing to happen to me in years.” “Then why wouldn’t Anthony let me see you? Why couldn’t I check you were okay? I saw you crash, Dustin.” He inhaled sharply and focused on the wall above my head. “It’s not you, Taz. Elora’s here.” I gasped. “She’s here?” Dustin nodded, his jaw tight. “Listen, I’m barely holding it together as it is

right now and I need to be here for my sponsors and team. I promise to explain everything to you back at the hotel room where I don’t have to be this put together man for Sabre. But for now, please can we forget this? I need your help to get through the night, Taz, or I’m going to lose it.” He reached down to take my hand in his. I wanted to melt into his touch, yet one question stopped me. “What about the other woman?” “What other woman?” I cocked my head to one side. “Uh, the one you were draped all over a minute ago. Have you really forgotten her so quickly?” His confusion transformed into wry

amusement. “You mean Raine?” My cheeks prickled with heat. I was thankful of the darkness hiding my blush. “That was Raine? As in Teo’s Raine?” He traced my bottom lip with his thumb. “Yup.” My mouth formed an O beneath his touch. Embarrassment flooded my body when I realised how stupid I’d been. “You were jealous, weren’t you?” I snorted. “Of course not.” “Sure you weren’t.” He waited until I peered up at him then continued in earnest. “I’d never do that to you, Taz. It’s not who I am.” “I believe you.” And I did. It was probably why I hadn’t stormed over to him the second I saw him and created a

scene. In my heart I knew Dustin wasn’t the type to cheat. Dustin took my hand, drawing me from the wall. “Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

Chapter Twenty-Eight Dustin I tried to remain upbeat for Tazia, but

even with how stunning she looked in her royal purple dress she failed to be the perfect distraction. At least every minute my thoughts drifted back to Elora and the glimpse I’d caught of her at the start of the race. I had been talking to Cale when the flash of her fiery hair caught my attention. At first I brushed it off, assuming I’d been seeing things. However, when she glanced at me over her shoulder again and waved it felt like a kick to the gut. Looking back, it surprised me to have stayed on the track for as long as I did. Rather than focus on the race, all I could think about was her. Why she was there.

What she wanted. What it would take to finally be free of her. Thankfully she hadn’t made direct contact before the race even though in the end it meant little. I’d crashed without her needing to. She continually fucked up my life. That was why I hadn’t wanted Tazia to see me after the crash. I hadn’t even considered how things would affect her. I’d been too wrapped up in the past and my rage. Tazia squeezed my hand and brought me from my thoughts. I spotted Raine next to her stand-in bodyguards, Flynn and Zeke. Teo wasn’t far away and watched her constantly to

make sure she was okay while he spoke to the team boss of Braxton Racing. I was happy for her. Slowly, things were looking up for her with Teo’s help, and she even had a whole team to care for her now. While I’d always be there for her, I had to admit it was a relief to be able to focus on my own problems for once without having to worry about her. The giant rock on her finger drew genuine happiness from me, only to be dampened by my next thought. I hadn’t known Teo planned on proposing today, and I had intended on attending his race. I wanted to see my brother crowned World Champion, and I had wanted to be there for Raine. The proposal would more than likely be up on YouTube,

though it didn’t exactly have the same feeling. It happened to be two more moments Elora had stolen from me which I could never get back. “Think you can ease up on my hand a bit? I kind of need them functioning.” Taz stretched up to speak into my ear over the music. Instantly, I released my hold and tucked her under my arm. “Sorry.” Raine caught sight of us and waved us over. The excitement pouring off her sent a nervous shiver snaking down my spine. “You doing okay, sweet girl?” I asked with a nod to Zeke and Flynn. Teo chose that moment to sneak up behind her and place both hands on her

shoulders. She stiffened at his touch, almost spilling her drink on her shoes. Thankfully, the music smothered her squeak. Only when Teo bent to whisper in her ear did Raine relax and throw him a glower. Teo chuckled and placed a hand around her back to rest it on her hip. Whether it was a deliberate gesture I couldn’t be sure, but his fingers ran over the scar I knew was there. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?” Teo asked, tilting his head in Tazia’s direction. Not bothering to wait for me, Taz held out her hand. “I’m Tazia.” Teo took it, though rather than shake it he drew her into a hug. Whether he

meant for me to hear the words I wasn’t sure, yet I heard them nonetheless. “Thank you for bringing my brother back to us.” I didn’t hear Tazia’s reply, and he released her with quivering lips to hand her over to Raine, who gave her a hesitant hug. “Please tell me you have some embarrassing stories about this guy.” Tazia jerked her thumb in my direction, casting me a sly grin, which Raine matched. Raine could list hundreds of embarrassing moments I’d rather not relive. I cleared my throat in warning but from the stubbornness in Raine’s eyes I had no hope in hell of persuading her not

to spill my secrets. “Does anyone want a drink?” I needed an excuse to get out of there before she began. “I’m good,” Tazia said and Raine held up her still full glass. “Well I need one.” I ran a finger down Taz’s spine. “You okay for a minute?” She nodded and I fled to the safety of the bar. I leaned on the bar top, tapping my fingers to the music while waiting for the bartender to return with my Jack and Coke. “Hello, Dustin.” I stiffened at the sickly sweet voice to the right of me and inhaled sharply. I

refused to look at her, only focused on swirling the ice around the glass that had been placed in front of me. “What are you doing here?” “Why wouldn’t I be here? I always come to your last race of the season.” “Didn’t you think us breaking up and my threat to get authorities involved were clear enough signs to stay away? Why on Earth would you think I want you here?” “I’ll have a cranberry juice, please.” She directed her attention to the bartender and I snapped my head towards her. Not once had I ever seen her order a soft drink when we were together except for when… My mind spun.

The ice rattled in my glass with my shaking hands and I placed it back on the bar. My breaths came in rapid succession, nearing the point of hyperventilation. Daring to glance down, my heart skipped a beat when I took in her slightly swollen belly. Fucking hell, no. My whole body started to shudder. Whether out of anger or despair I couldn’t be sure. Elora followed my gaze and her hand moved to caress her bump, cementing the reality in my mind. All specks of hope that she had put on weight were crushed with that single gesture. “Y-you’re p-pregnant.”

“Yes.” I took in her size, trying to do the maths in my head. Fear spilled into my veins. “How long?” I hissed, my fingers flexing at my side. I clenched them and locked them against my leg, desperately fighting the urge to pick up my glass and hurl it across the room while I waited for the final blow I knew she’d deliver. “Five months, give or take a few weeks.” Although I’d prepared myself for it, I had to prop myself up on the bar to stop my legs crumbling under my weight. I curled my fists around the edge of the counter and inhaled deeply. Fury took over me and I snatched

Elora’s arm to march her from the room. She stumbled along beside me in her heels, struggling to keep up with my furious strides. “Dustin, stop!” I kept walking, her protests not even registering. “Dustin you’re hurting me,” she hissed and tried to pull her arm free. I loosened my hold marginally, and continued down the empty hotel halls until I stopped outside my room. Unlocking the door, only once we were both inside and I had her exit blocked did I release her. “What the fuck, Elora? You had better start explaining this shit right now before I lose control totally!” I roared, finally

allowing myself to snap now we were no longer in public. “Explain what?” “Seriously?” I took a step forward, fury pumping through my body. “You’re fucking pregnant!” Her arm swung in the corner of my eye. I caught her fist a split second before it hit my jaw. I kept a hold of it and walked her back to the bed. With a hand on her shoulder I forced her to the mattress, trying not to hurt her. “Explain.” I dropped my voice to a sinister, cool tone. “Now.” “It’s not yours. You’re overreacting for nothing.”

“The timing works out perfectly.” “It’s. Not. Yours,” she spat. “It never was.” I stepped back, needing space so I didn’t do something I’d regret. “Of course it was never mine. You killed my baby.” My fists clenched and unclenched around the air. Too much energy and rage bubbled within me. It needed an outlet and I happened to be in one of the most conservative regions of the world. Elora took her gaze from her hands, her eyes holding remorse for once, even if it appeared cold. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “For what? Fucking me over, being a bitch, beating me, turning my life upside

down, or denying me the right to know my child? Which?” “You never had a child! I lied, okay?” I stumbled back like she’d physically hit me and all of the air left my lungs. I rubbed at my chest, trying to ease the pain and hissed out my question. “Y-you what?” “I lied. The baby was never yours and I never had an abortion. You were going to leave me and the real father didn’t want to know. It was all working out perfectly until he showed up demanding he be involved.” I took a deep breath, turning my back on her so she wouldn’t see me crumble. I desperately tried to process her words, but things didn’t fit together. Her story

changed too much. I didn’t know what to believe. In a matter of seconds she’d once again knocked my world off its axis and I didn’t know which direction to head in to right myself. “What are you talking about?” I spoke slowly, each word taking all of my courage to force out. A part of me didn’t want to know. I had been moving on and she was going to send me straight back to the darkness. But how could I not question her after revelations like that? “It was a one night stand. When I found out I was pregnant and told the guy he wanted nothing to do with the child. He had only been using me to get to you, yet you never figured it out.” The hand she placed on my shoulder

lightly came as a shock, having not heard her sneak up behind me. I flinched, recoiling from her and stalked to the other side of the room. I leaned back against the wall furthest from her, my arms folded across my chest tightly. “Don’t touch me.” The tears that formed at the corners of her eyes only intensified my anger. “Cut the fucking water works and finish explaining. You were at the part where you cheated on me.” She sniffed and cleared her throat. “I knew you’d never abandon your child, Dustin. Even if you wanted to leave me, I knew you wouldn’t. I didn’t want to go through this alone so I told you it was yours.”

She was sick. So fucking twisted. She made me believe I had a child and then she’d killed my non-existent baby for what? “You didn’t think to tell me you slept with someone else?” She shook her head and all remorse vanished. It was times like this when I wished she was normal, then again if she had been normal I’d have never been in this situation. “The other guy didn’t want me and you were leaving me too. If I had told you I cheated you’d have gone—” “So you made me believe I was going to be a father? What kind of fucked up shit is that?”

“It was a win win situation for me. My baby got a dad and I kept you.” “Then why did you tell me you had an abortion if you wanted me so badly? Surely you knew I’d never forgive you for that, not on top of everything else.” Her jaw ticked at the reminder of her abuse. “The real father came back and he wants me. We couldn’t think of another way to convince you to leave. It was his idea and I did what I needed to.” Dumbfounded, too many negative emotions poisoned my blood so I couldn’t form a logical thought. Nothing she said sounded logical, though. “What you needed to? Because you couldn’t think of another way?” I ground my molars together. “How about ‘hey

Dustin I cheated on you and the baby isn’t yours. I’m leaving you for the real father’? Anything would have been better than what you pulled.” “It wasn’t my idea, Dustin. I went along with it because I couldn’t do this alone. The real father said he’d leave me if I didn’t, and you were leaving me with or without a baby.” “Fuck, Elora. Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me? Who was he?” Her expression became steely. “That’s not important.” I went to protest and she shook her head furiously. “I won’t tell you, Dustin. It’s none of your business.” I strode over to the door and hauled it

open. “Get out.” I didn’t need any more answers. It didn’t matter who she’d slept with really. Our relationship had ended long before she cheated and pressing the issue would have only stirred my already erratic thoughts into a bigger frenzy. I knew I wouldn’t get an apology. One thing Elora never did was apologise sincerely. “Get out, Elora,” I spat again when she refused to move. With furious strides she marched over and stood toe-to-toe with me. Fixing me with a burning glare her lips twisted into a sneer. “He was better than you. In every way.” “He’s welcome to you. He sounds as

crazy as you, but he must be worse if he’s buying your bullshit without getting you tested.” “What does that make you then? You bought into it for a hell of a lot longer.” “It makes me a lot of things: furious, bitter, fucked up. You don’t want to see what it really makes me though, Elora, because it will end with you being locked up and denied access to your child.” Her face paled a fraction, the shock doing nothing to override the pulsating anger in my bloodstream. “Now get out.” She strode from the room with her head held high and her purse clutched beneath her arm. She sent me a final

glare over her shoulder. “Have fun with your little girlfriend while you can, Dustin.” I shut the door on her. When the lock clicked into place I collapsed back against the panel and a choked sob escaped my throat.

Chapter Twenty-Nine Tazia “He didn’t?” I threw my head back

and laughed, wiping away the tear which had escaped my eye at the tenth utterly ridiculous but completely hilarious story Raine told me about Dustin. Although I knew his magic tricks were bad, I had no idea of the scale. “He really wound up in jail and threatened with charges of indecent exposure?” Raine nodded, not even bothering to stifle her grin anymore. “Granted, it helped that Aston Hattersey was the boyfriend, though it would have never happened had he either worn underwear, or given up on magic.” My laughter died on my lips. “Shouldn’t he have been back by now? I thought he only went to get a drink.” I scanned the room and couldn’t see

him anywhere. Raine withdrew her phone from her clutch and glanced at the clock. “He’s probably off talking business or something. Teo gets pulled away all the time at these things and it’s only going to get worse now he’s World Champion. Everyone wants a piece of the drivers and considering they announced Dustin’s contract today, he’s probably getting more attention than he’s used to.” Normally, it wouldn’t bother me and I’d have assumed the same as Raine. However, his comments from earlier ate away at me. Wouldn’t he have told me if he was leaving? “I think I’ll go and look for him.” “I wouldn’t worry, Tazia. He’ll find

his way back.” I shook my head. “You don’t understand. He saw Elora earlier and crashed out of his race because she messed with his head again. He’s barely been holding it together all night.” Raine sobered immediately, her body stiffening as she scanned the room with more purpose. She must’ve not found him either because her gaze flicked to mine. “Walk with me over to Teo. He might know what’s going on.” I didn’t know what was wrong with Raine, but I’d picked up enough in our short time together to know no one ever left her alone. I went with her without question. “I haven’t seen him since I left you

guys,” Teo said when we asked about Dustin. I caught sight of one of the men who had been in Dustin’s flat a few months ago. “I’ll look for him, you guys enjoy your evening. I’ll let you know if I do find him.” Raine rolled her eyes. “Don’t be stupid, Tazia. He’s family, we’re not going to leave you searching on your own,” Teo said. “But you two just got engaged. Don’t you want to celebrate?” “We have all night for that.” Teo grinned and Raine socked him. “Come on, Teo will talk to Tony and we’ll check with some of the others.” Raine took my arm and marched me over

to the crowd I’d been eyeing earlier where Raffele was chatting with some girl. “Hey, Rafe,” Raine said. He turned away from the woman he’d been charming. “Raine! You’re more beautiful every time I see you.” He stooped down to kiss both of her cheeks then focused on me. “Tazia, right?” I nodded, politely resisting the urge to pounce on him and demand answers. “Where’s Dustin? I didn’t think he’d leave your side. I wouldn’t if you were mine.” Well, that answered our question. “We were going to ask you the same thing. He’s disappeared.”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t seen him.” Raine was already pulling me away. “I’ll catch up with you later, Rafe. If you see Dustin—” “I’ll let you know.” He refocused on the blonde next to him and Raine paused to find her next target. A hand landed on my shoulder and I squeaked. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, Tazia.” I spun, recognising Cale immediately. The accent would have been enough to give him away had I not. “I heard you were looking for Dustin. He left the room with a redhead about forty minutes ago.”

I shared a knowing glance with Raine. Only one redhead would leave with Dustin. “Thanks, Cale.” He gave a curt nod and melted back into the crowd. “I’m going to check our room. You tell Teo and I’ll text you if I find him.” I took off for the exit without waiting for Raine. I already had my key card out when I reached our room. The light flashed green as I held the card in the slot and I opened the door. What greeted me forced me to take a few steps back with a gasp. Dustin sat on the floor, surrounded by what appeared to be at least two decks

of cards spread out in a semi-circle. He had a pile left in his hand and was placing each card down individually, lining them up in order of size inside their sets. He glanced up when I shut the door behind me. I expected to find that wild look I’d seen whenever he had his cards out, or at least some kind of pain. However, except for the tight set of his jaw his expression remained unreadable. “Hey,” I said, dropping my bag next to the TV. “Are you okay? Cale said he saw you with Elora.” Dustin stared back to the cards. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He began lining them up again, organising the deck in his hand. His

movements became mechanical as he performed the same gesture over and over. Each card had a specific place and got laid out with precision. I dropped to my knees in front of him. “Are you sure?” “I don’t want to talk about it, Taz. Not right now.” I bit down on my lip, debating whether to drop the issue. He obviously wasn’t okay, but the atmosphere felt volatile. Pushing him would only make him explode. “What do you want to do then?” He paused, his arm outstretched to place down another card. He retracted it slowly. “I want you.” His eyes bore into mine

with a fierce intensity. The moss green swirling in them made it impossible to break the hold he had over me. “I want to have fun with you.” “What did you have in mind?” Dustin slid his hand over the floor, sweeping up the card in a line. His lips quirked when he began shuffling them. “Strip poker.” I swallowed hard. The last thing I expected when I came down here was to end up in a card game. I assumed there’d be anger and crying. Dustin must have caught my hesitation because he said, “I need you, Taz. I want to forget and you make me forget. Whenever I’m with you there’s only good, so take away the bad…please.”

“You have more clothes on than me, that’s not fair.” Dustin placed the cards on the floor and within a second he ripped his shirt over his head. He arched an eyebrow at me. “Better?” I crawled over to him, adding a sway to my hips. His eyes followed my every move and the desire in them had confidence swelling within me. I couldn’t believe I was doing it, but one look at Dustin’s expression had me wanting to. If he wanted to forget, I’d try my hardest to make his wish come true. I straddled his outstretched legs and linked my arms behind his neck. Running my fingers up into his hair, I gazed at him

with a sultry smile. “Wouldn’t you rather skip the card game?” I ground myself against him, feeling him starting to harden beneath me. Dustin swallowed hard and his eyes darkened even further. Reaching down, he slid his hands over my back until they settled on my ass. I moved my mouth to his ear and nipped at the sensitive spot below it. “Take what you want, Dustin.” I trailed my lips down his neck to his bare shoulder. Biting gently, I heard his shaky exhale. “Do you want to play with me, Dust?” I rolled my hips, the friction of his trousers against my panties causing a whimper to escape my lips. “Or do you

still want to play with your cards?” Dustin hauled us both off the floor, sweeping me up into his arms. He threw me on the bed, not bothering to be gentle. Frantically, he removed the rest of his clothes, kicking off his jeans when they became stuck around his foot. He gazed at me with a predatory look and kneeled on the bed, silently stalking up the length of my body, his hands working under my dress. Pushing the material up, he followed the trail with his nose, skimming my skin. My lips parted at the electrical current humming through me from his touch, the anticipation of what he was going to do to me too much. Dustin pulled the dress off over my

head and threw the garment to the floor. Surprise flickered in his eyes briefly at my lack of bra then was quickly replaced by hunger and pure need. His hand closed over my breast, rolling my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. I arched into him and his mouth quickly covered the sensitive peak. Dustin ran his hand down my body and dipped into my panties. When his fingers slid over my wet folds, I trembled. My gasp brought Dustin’s attention back to my face. Still stroking me, he stared down at me through heavy-lidded eyes which gleamed with desire. “I don’t want to hold back, Taz.” His voice was hoarse, a gravelly rumble that

only intensified my longing for him. Keeping track of a conversation while his fingers brought me ever closer wasn’t easy. “Th-then don’t.” “I won’t be gentle.” Dustin nipped on my bottom lip, biting a little harder than normal to emphasise his point. The sting only had me bucking my hips against his hand, my muscles clenching around his fingers to try and push myself over the edge. “I don’t want you to be.” That was all he needed. With a primal growl, Dustin crushed his mouth to mine. ***

We lay on our backs, breathing heavily. Dustin had taken me hard and fast. There was no love making involved. What he had done to me could only be described as fucking. He’d fucked me hard and made me come until I could barely remember my name. I turned my head to look at him. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his gaze fixed firmly on the ceiling. I reached out to take his hand and brought it up to kiss it. The instant my lips touched his skin he smiled at me with contentment. Dustin lifted his arm and I shuffled to curl up against him. I ran my finger over his lean body, focusing on the smattering of hair on his chest. “Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did

I?” I chuckled. “You did a lot of things, although hurting me was never one of them.” I snuggled back up against him. I desperately wanted to ask what had happened, but I allowed the silence to linger. He needed time to think, at least I presumed he did. “Elora never had an abortion.” I froze against him. “She’s still pregnant?” Dustin lifted us to the top of the bed and pulled the covers out from underneath us so we could slide in. He drew me right back under his arm, his fingers circling my hip. “Oh yeah. She’s showing and

everything. The last person on the planet who needs more crazy hormones running through her body is that woman.” “So…you’re going to be a dad?” It wasn’t a deal breaker, even if the thought stung. He’d always have a connection to her and things were definitely going to be an adjustment. Dustin would no longer be solely mine, which was how it should be, but I couldn’t stop my scowl. Whenever I thought about the future, Dustin had kids with me. The fact he’d have one with another woman, although it didn’t make me love him any less, stirred my jealousy. “She cheated on me. The baby isn’t mine.”

I bolted upright in shock. “Wait, she told you she had an abortion of a child who wasn’t even yours?” And I had thought Elora couldn’t sink any lower or become any more twisted. I would have been lying, however, if I denied a certain amount of relief calmed my pulse. Dustin flicked his eyes to me and nodded. “Shit, Dustin. I-I—” “You don’t have to say anything.” He reached for me and tucked me back underneath his arm. “Just lie with me.” “But—” He squeezed me. “I’ll be okay, Taz. I’m angry as fuck right now. She made me grieve a child who never even

existed, yet this should be easier to deal with.” “Did she say why?” Dustin kissed the side of my head. “It’s not important. What’s important is I’m finally free of her. I have you, a Formula One contract, and my heart will finally be able to heal now.” Grief wasn’t an emotion that could be switched off, even in Dustin’s case. For months his baby had been real to him and now he had to come to terms with the fact it never existed. I wanted to tell him that, but stopped myself. Having learned from experience, I knew Dustin would deal with it in his own way and in his own time. Dustin rolled over so we were face-

to-face. He lay on his arm, staring at me in awe. Tracing my nose with his finger, he then moved onto my lips. When he reached my eyes I closed them. He swept over my eyelashes, his touch soft and gentle. Drawing me to him, Dustin barely grazed my lips with his. Mine curved at the touch and I hummed happily. “I love you, Taz.” He pressed his lips to mine harder. “I don’t know where I’d be right now if I hadn’t met you. I know I’d be worse off.” I kissed him back, holding him in place by the back of his neck. Rather than speak the words immediately I threw all of my feelings into the kiss, refusing to part until we were both in

desperate need of air. “I love you too, Dustin.” He forced me onto my back to hold himself over me and I framed his face with my hands. “You’ve healed me without me realising it was what I needed, and I don’t want to consider a future without you.” He bit down on my thumb gently then kissed my palm. “You healed me first with those happy macarons.” He locked our fingers together and held them above my head while he supported himself on his other arm. He lowered his mouth to mine, and our lips were about to touch when someone knocked on the door. I jumped at the noise and Dustin chuckled. The sound was musical and

relaxed, so different from how he had been earlier. “Ignore it, they’ll go away,” Dustin murmured, closing the gap between us to trail his lips over my jaw. Each kiss added more flames to the growing fire in my stomach. The knock came again, more insistent this time. “I don’t think they’re going to leave,” I whispered against him. As if to prove my point they knocked again and a man’s voice called out, “Dustin?” Dustin rested his forehead against my shoulder. “My brother has the worst timing in the world.” “Oh shit. I said I’d text Raine if I

found you.” He kissed the nape of my neck, already pulling away from me. “You’re telling me all of this could have been avoided?” “It’s not my fault somebody distracted me. When was I meant to remember? Between orgasm one and four? I couldn’t remember my name, let alone your brother’s fiancée.” He smirked. “You couldn’t remember your name?” I pushed him off me. “Go answer the door before your head gets any bigger.” “It’s not my head that’s getting bigger, babe.” He ground his hips against me and I stifled a moan. Attempting to appear serious and knowing I failed

miserably I pointed at the door. Once he’d slipped off the bed, pulled on his boxers, and was halfway towards the door, I headed into the bathroom to find a robe. I didn’t want to be lying naked in bed when Teo and Raine entered the room. Voices in the bedroom filtered through into the bathroom. I smoothed my hair and attempted to fix my makeup. Without time it was a hard task to get rid of the ‘just fucked’ look I had going on. With a sigh I gave up and exited the bathroom, realising there wasn’t much I could do about my appearance. Considering our clothes remained strewn across the room, the bed messed,

and we were both nearly naked, nobody could miss what had been happening. “I’m fine, guys. Really,” Dustin insisted when Teo and Raine continued to eye him with suspicion. “Go and enjoy your night. Taz is taking care of me. You don’t need to worry.” “Yeah, we can see that.” Teo’s lips quirked as he took in the room. When he met my gaze I flushed. I drew the robe tighter around my body and sidled up beside Dustin. Noticing my discomfort, Dustin took my hand and brought it up to his lips to place kisses over my knuckles. It did little to calm me or ease my embarrassment, if anything my blush deepened.

“Sorry, Raine. I forgot all about texting you.” “It’s my fault,” Dustin said, “I kind of pounced on her as soon as she walked through the door. I didn’t know you were all searching for me.” I snapped my head to stare at Dustin incredulously. I couldn’t believe he’d said that to his brother and best friend. “Well, we’ll let you get back to… whatever you were doing. See you on the flight home.” Teo draped an arm around Raine’s shoulders to guide her from the room. As soon as the door clicked shut behind them Dustin spun me to him and his arms circled my waist. He drew me against him, the hunger in his eyes returning with a vengeance.

“I think we should take his advice.”

Chapter Thirty Dustin England I hadn’t expected to tell Taz I loved her over the weekend. In fact, the first

time I had admitted it even to myself had been when I left her in the garage with Anthony. As I’d lain in bed with her though, I knew it had been right. It wasn’t the sex talking, although seeing her writhe beneath me only helped solidify the thought that she was it for me. After everything she’d done for me, I couldn’t hold it back any longer. Elora’s admission, whilst painful, partly released me from the past. Although a shock, it didn’t feel like before. This time the change in me was positive. I no longer felt tied to Elora or what could have been. As if someone had cut the string on a helium balloon, I now drifted towards a future where Tazia was the

only option for me. Since we’d arrived back in the UK I had no intention of letting her out of my sight either. Not until Anthony had the results back from his friend in the lab on the notes Tazia received. It hadn’t been until Elora left that I registered her dig at Taz, but I stuck with Anthony’s plan and forced myself not to go asking questions. Now we were home, it was all I could think about. “Pull my keys out of my pocket will you, babe?” I didn’t want to let her go for even a second. Taz dipped her hand into my front pocket, and I was sure she stroked my dick on purpose. It stood to attention under her touch then Taz removed her

hand and opened the door to my flat, leaving me disappointed. The head appearing over the back of my sofa drew a squeal from Tazia. She leaped behind me, poking her head out to peek around my arm. If I hadn’t been tense myself I would have laughed at the over the top reaction. With where my thoughts had been, Nadine’s appearance scared the shit out of me. As the only other person who had helped me care for Raine when her life went to hell, we’d grown close so that I thought of her as more than just ‘Raine’s friend’. While we were all in Abu Dhabi, I had trusted her to look after Michael and Ralf. “Sorry, Dustin. I didn’t know you

weren’t going to be alone. I wanted to say hey and that there were no problems. I fed them half an hour ago too.” “Hey, Nadine. Don’t worry about it. This is my girlfriend, Tazia.” I couldn’t contain my grin at finally being able to say it out loud to another person. The girls smiled at each other and Nadine picked up her bag. “I’ll get out of your hair. Let me know if you ever need me to watch them again.” Nadine gave me a quick one armed hug and whispered, “She’s pretty. I approve.” With a chuckle I hugged her back. “Wasn’t looking for it, but nice to know. Thanks again for feeding the seahorses.”

Once we were alone I focused on Tazia. I had expected her to say something to Nadine, yet all she’d done was move over to the tank to study Michael and Ralf. “Want to tell me what has you so spooked, babe?” I rested my chin on her shoulder. “Or do I have to start guessing?” “I don’t think you’ll need many guesses. It’s probably the same thing that has you scouring the corridors and not letting go of me since we walked into the building.” I forced a laugh. “You noticed, huh?” “It’s not like you were subtle about it.” “We’ll find whoever’s doing this, all

right? I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ve seen what this kind of shit did to my brother’s relationship. No way in hell is someone coming after you to get to me.” “Is that what you think this is?” What was I meant to say? I had no idea what was going on. All I based my assumption on was Aston’s vendetta against Raine because of Teo. It sounded egotistical to even speak it, but why else would someone go after Taz? She wasn’t a person who appeared to have enemies. Even the situation with Max had turned out to be something totally different than what I had thought so it had to be connected to me somehow. “I don’t know, Taz. I wish I could give you an answer, but I can’t. We’ll get

them though, okay?” She sank back against me with a yawn. “I know, I trust you.” My heart swelled at her words. To hear her putting so much faith in me was surprisingly moving. What worried me, however, was that maybe she put too much faith in me. My schedule was booked solid for the next few weeks to learn the ropes with Sabre. I had a few photo shoots coming up and they wanted me gaining experience with the car as soon as possible. All of that would take me away from Tazia a lot. “What would you say to me hiring someone?” I knocked her legs out from beneath her and carried Tazia back over to the sofa bridal style. When I’d settled

her on my lap she regarded me suspiciously. “Hiring someone to do what?” “A bodyguard of sorts. Someone to watch out for you when I’m not around.” Her nose crinkled in annoyance. “I don’t want someone following me around, Dustin. I think you’re going overboard.” “It would only be until we find out who’s doing this.” Tazia shook her head defiantly. “I don’t like it. I don’t want to be followed around. It’s not like I go anywhere besides work and I’m around people all of the time there.” I blew out a frustrated breath. “Even if it would put my mind at rest?”

“I said no. It’s not worrying me enough to warrant that, and how would I explain it to everyone?” She crossed her arms. I knew when I was fighting a losing battle. For a split second I considered going against her wishes and hiring someone behind her back. However, I really didn’t want to misplace the trust she’d put in me. We were both finally in a good place, and I couldn’t bring myself to jeopardise it. “Okay, I won’t. What do you want to do for the rest of the day then?” She considered my question for a minute. “I want to bake.” ***

Two hours later I sat in Tazia’s kitchen while she piped whipped cream on top of the black forest gateau we’d made. Well, when I say ‘we’, I meant Tazia did majority of the work. The most she allowed me to do was cover cherries in chocolate so I spent the rest of the time distracting her by covering her in chocolate so I could lick it off. She huffed and puffed at my antics, but her eyes always gave her away. She enjoyed the attention as much as I enjoyed giving her it. “You know, I can think of a lot better places to put that cream.” I plucked a cherry off its stalk with my teeth.

Tazia glanced up at me but said nothing. She resumed covering the sides of the cake with a steady hand. “Really? You’re not even slightly interested?” I stepped behind her, bracing my arms on the counter to trap her in. I pressed my body into hers, rolling my hips, and Tazia’s hands shook. The line she had been piping wobbled. I lowered my lips to her ear. “I’ll tell you anyway.” “Dustin.” My name slipped from her lips in a husky protest, the growl she’d intended dampened. “First I’d start at your mouth.” I raised a hand, my finger brushing over her bottom lip. “Then I’d move down here.” I trailed my finger over her throat

and felt her swallow beneath my touch. “I would then circle these.” I covered her breasts with my hands, flicking my thumb over her nipples to feel them harden to pebbles. Tazia gasped and this time the line she’d been piping slipped right across the cake. I chuckled in her ear. “Do you want that, babe? To feel my lips sucking it all off?” Tazia spun, her nose barely inches from mine and her body pressed against me. She gazed at me salaciously. “I’d rather play my game.” “What’s your game?” Taz stretched up onto her tiptoes and

dropped her voice to a sultry murmur. “It involves your cock, this cream, and my mouth.” A jolt of pleasure shot straight to my dick. It leapt in my jeans, straining even further against the denim. I hadn’t thought it possible to become harder. I grabbed Tazia by the ass, lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around me with a giggle as I carried her to her bedroom, the cream still in her hands. “Did my game win?” “Your game wins every fucking time, babe.”

Chapter Thirty-One Tazia I hadn’t been able to quit humming to

myself in happiness throughout work the next day. It didn’t help I’d been filling various pastries with whipped cream either. Every cake sent my mind soaring straight back to the gutter as images of what I had done to Dustin the day before consumed me. Even while I walked home I couldn’t stop grinning. I loved flipping the tables on Dustin. He thought he was the only one who could tease with his words and I’d never tire of proving him wrong. I did still have to finish that gateau though. For obvious reasons baking had ended up as the last thing on my mind. Regardless, it would have to wait another day since I’d agreed to meet Dustin at his photo shoot. They were

doing something for next year’s line-up and had all of the Formula One drivers there. Dustin had left telling me he was taking me out for dinner tonight and who was I to argue with that? Between one thing and another we still hadn’t gone on a proper date. I froze the moment I stepped into my flat. My heart missed a beat then took off racing. I felt lightheaded as I stared at the white envelope on the floor. I slammed the door shut behind me, making sure it locked, and pulled out my phone. Reaching for the envelope with a trembling hand, I forced myself to pick it up.

My legs buckled the second I reached the sofa and I collapsed on it. I peeled back the envelope holding my breath. There was no card this time, only a single sheet of lined paper folded in half. The perforated holes at the side showed it had clearly been torn from a notepad, but I was only stalling the inevitable by studying it. I closed my eyes and unfolded it. I had to dare myself to crack an eye open and peer down at the words. I warned you not to get attached.

I threw the note to the table, wanting to physically distance myself from it. Picking up my mobile from my lap I

dialled Dustin’s number immediately. It rang. And rang. And rang. Cursing, I hung up when it went to voicemail. I dialled him again seconds later, only to get the same response. “Damn it!” I shouted, hanging up for the third time. Figuring he’d check his phone at some point, I sent him a text. Me: I need you to pick me up. Despite my refusal of a bodyguard, I wasn’t stupid. Dustin probably thought I didn’t take things seriously, but no one would make me leave my flat without

Dustin after that note. I knew when and when not to be cautious, and this was one of those times I had to be. As soon as Dustin arrived he would understand. He’d want me texting him over risking going out alone. With a determined huff I pushed off the chair and strode into my bathroom to get ready, not willing to allow anyone to derail my evening with Dustin. *** I was dancing around to the radio in my towel and applying my make-up when someone knocked on my door. The sound was faint over the music the first time and I thought I’d misheard. Then it

came a second time, louder. Hurrying through the flat, I clutched the towel to my chest and peered through the peep hole, expecting to see Dustin on the other side. When I found Perry I paused and glanced down at my lack of clothing. “Hang on, Perry.” I hurried into my bedroom, throwing on the first outfit I saw—which happened to be the dress I’d picked out to wear that evening. Returning to the door I cracked it open and poked my head through the gap. “Hey.” He had his back to me and spun at my voice. “Hi. Sorry to bother you, Tazia, but I have my gran upstairs and I can’t

leave her to run out to the store. You don’t happen to have any milk do you? I’m out and she’s going to drive me crazy if she doesn’t get her tea.” “Oh, yeah, sure. Hang on a second. Does a cup work or do you need more?” I called over my shoulder. “A cup will be fine. Thanks.” The door clicked shut as I reached into my fridge. “You look very dressed up. Are you going anywhere nice?” I set the bottle on the table and searched for a jug. “Dustin’s taking me out for dinner. It’s kind of our first official date.” Walking back over to him I held out the jug. “Here you go.” Perry’s eyes dipped between the jug and my face. His sinister expression had

an unease settling in my stomach. “Oh, Tazia. You didn’t really believe I wanted milk did you?” I stepped back, fear chilling my body even at the speed at which my blood pumped through my veins. Perry glanced over at the table and his grin grew wider. “You got my note then.” “That was you?” I sidestepped in the direction of the sofa, my phone appearing in the corner of my eye. Perry mirrored my movements. When he moved to close the distance between us I threw the jug at him and lunged for the phone. My fingers grazed the back, but Perry got there quicker. He grabbed hold of my wrist and

within a split second pulled it up behind my back to the point I had to stand on tiptoes to prevent it breaking. In my peripheral I saw Perry reach for the phone with his free hand. “Can’t have you calling Coates now, can we?” His breath swept over my ear and sent a shiver snaking down my spine. “What do you want, Perry?” “I thought it was obvious. I want you, and I don’t like other people touching my property, especially Coates. I saw you first. I always see them before him, yet he still ends up with the girls.” I counted to ten in my head, desperately trying to keep my cool. “What time were you meeting

Coates?” “Not for a few hours.” I lied, hoping it would placate Perry and give Dustin time to get to me. He should have been leaving the studio any minute now. I could hold out that long. I had to.

Chapter Thirty-Two Dustin “Turn to the left, Dustin,” Harry the

photographer called out and I shuffled round. The flash went off and he directed me to a new position. We had been doing this for over half an hour. Being the newbie, I’d been scheduled last and had to wait for every other driver to have their shots taken. They were the images that would be used all over the media and promotions during next season. It wasn’t a massive change to what I’d done in GP2, but I’d never liked it then either. “Take five, Dustin, we need to set up for the walk,” Harry said. That was a new thing. In GP2 it had been stills only. Formula One required us to film footage of us walking at the camera. With a curt nod I walked off the

backdrop and picked up my phone from Anthony to see three missed calls and two messages from Taz. Taz: I need you to pick me up. Taz: Don’t worry. I’ll meet you there, everything’s sorted. I glanced up at the clock. We were overrunning slightly so her arriving here would work in our favour. I’d finished sending her a reply when Harry called me back in front of the camera. It took another ten minutes before we were finally wrapping up. And with every minute that ticked by the more distracted I became.

Tazia should have arrived by now and I’d finally reached my limit. “Dustin!” I scowled at Anthony and continued to walk away without waiting to be dismissed. “Give me a minute.” I snatched my phone up and stormed from the room. Halfway down the corridor I lifted it to my ear to listen to it ring. “Everything okay, Dust?” Teo clapped me on the back as I hung up. Ignoring him, I dialled Tazia’s number again, only for it to cut to her voicemail immediately. “Tazia should be here and I can’t get hold of her.” “Maybe she’s running late. You know

how women are getting ready.” I shook my head. I did know what women were like, and Taz had never been like that. She took time getting ready, but never to the point of being late. “Dustin!” Anthony cried out behind us, jogging to reach me. “What now? We’d finished,” I snapped. “I got the results from the lab.” Dread seized me immediately at his pale complexion and worried gaze. My arms shot out to grip his shoulders. I squeezed harder than necessary. “And?” “It’s Perry. He has a prior conviction for cocaine possession and assault.”

“Shit.” I dropped Anthony to run to my car. All of the unease dwelling within me intensified. I didn’t know how I knew, but something within me told me something bad had happened and I needed to get home as quickly as possible. “Dustin, wait. What’s the rush?” Teo called, matching my pace easily. “Tazia’s with Perry. He’s the guy next door and he hates me. I have no idea why, and he’s been after Taz since they met.” I shot out of the car park, explaining everything about what had been going on as I raced home. I didn’t stick to the speed limit once, my imagination on overdrive, picturing various scenarios in

which I could find Taz. “Slow down, Dustin! You’re not going to get to her quicker if you get pulled over by the cops!” Teo shouted, clutching at the dashboard. He was the worst passenger ever. For someone so used to speed, he reacted badly when he wasn’t the one in control. “We’re not going to get pulled over.” Teo’s knuckles were white, his teeth clenched. “You aren’t going to be able to help her if we’re wrapped around a tree either.” He should have known nothing would slow me down. He’d have been the same if the roles were reversed. “Give my driving some credit, Teo.” I screeched the car to a stop in front

of the flat, fighting with my seatbelt when my arm became tangled in my hurry to break free. Slamming the door shut behind me I raced into the building with Teo at my heels. I was fumbling in my pocket for Tazia’s key when her scream pierced the doorway.

Chapter Thirty-Three Tazia “Help!”

I

wailed.

“Somebody,

please!” I fought against the restraints, but Perry had locked the handcuffs around my wrists and ankles too tight. My hands were becoming numb from the lack of circulation, although that was the least of my problems. Perry knelt on the bed between my parted legs, leering at me. “Nobody’s going to come, Tazia.” I bucked my hips, attempting to fight him off as he began crawling up my body. “Get off me, you bastard!” “I’d rather get you off.” He ran a finger over my jaw and I snapped to try and bite him. “Please don’t make me gag you, Tazia. I have plenty more things I

want to do with your pretty mouth.” I’d bite anything he put within reach, but I remained silent and fell back against the mattress. “Good girl.” Perry shifted to straddle my hips and tugged at the hem of my dress. “Why are you doing this?” “Because I can. Coates stole something from me so it’s only fair I steal something important to him too.” “What did he steal?” I didn’t care, I only wanted to keep him talking for as long as possible, hoping to delay him and buy Dustin some more time. “The love of my life.” He trailed a calloused finger over my bare thigh. “So I stole his love, then what he thought was

his baby, and now you. I have to admit, you’ll be the worst one yet. I never realised how much he hated Elora, which was why I came up with the plan to lie about aborting my baby.” I sucked in a strangled gasp. “You’re the one Elora cheated with?” He grinned at me. “Coates deserved it. But enough about my past. I think it’s time I saw what’s mine, don’t you?” “Dustin will make sure you spend the rest of your life rotting in jail if he doesn’t kill you first.” I squirmed beneath him, struggling to pull free. He slid my dress higher and his breath swept over my bare stomach. “Get the fuck off me!” Suddenly his weight disappeared.

Perry’s nails clawed at my leg as he was ripped from my body and a sickening crack echoed throughout the room. Then Dustin appeared above me, uncontained anger burning off him. “Where are the keys, fuckwit?” I jumped at the second voice, my eyes darting around the room to search for the owner. “It’s Teo, babe. You’re safe.” Dustin pulled my dress back into place and sat next to me. “I’ll get you out of here, Taz.” A tear broke free, too many emotions surging within me. All of the fear I’d repressed trying to fight Perry, all of the relief at seeing Dustin, it hit me like a sledgehammer.

“Catch, Dustin,” Teo called, and Dustin glanced away from me only for a second. Soon he focused on me again and undid the handcuffs. When my wrists were free Dustin went to work on my ankles. I rubbed the raw welts, tears flowing freely down my cheeks now. Dustin returned to my side and I threw myself into him, burying my nose at the crook of his neck. “Did you hear him?” I murmured against him. “Every fucking word. I swear I’ll make him pay, Tazia.” He held my head close, gritting out the words. “Get her out of here, Dustin. I’ll wait until the police show up,” Teo ordered, and instantly I felt myself being lifted up.

*** It took a while for me to finally calm down enough to recount everything to the police. Thankfully, Dustin held my hand throughout the entire ordeal because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to get through it. It also saved me having to repeat the parts he’d missed later on. As I detailed everything Perry had done, Dustin’s grip on my hand became tighter. From the corner of my eye I saw his nostrils flare and his teeth grind together. I knew he wanted to kill Perry and it had taken an enormous amount of restraint to walk away from him. “Thank you, Miss Nixon” the officer

said, standing. “We’ll be in touch if we have any more questions. Are you going to be okay on your own tonight?” I reached out to shake his hand. “I’m not alone. Dustin’s here.” He gave a curt nod and scribbled down his direct number on a piece of paper he tore from his pad. “If you think of anything else or have any questions, you can reach me at the station.” “Thank you, I will.” As soon as they left, Dustin pulled me into his arms like he couldn’t quite believe I was still in the room. “How are you feeling? No, that’s a stupid question, forget I asked.” “I’m okay, Dustin. You got there in time. He didn’t do anything.”

He squeezed me tighter. “If I had been a minute later—” I pulled his head forcefully down to mine. “But you weren’t. You got there in time. I’m just a little shaken and bruised.” His jaw tightened. “If anything had happened to you…” “It didn’t.” “But if it had…” How we’d ended up in the position of me comforting him I’d never know. “Will you shut up? You didn’t, he didn’t. I’m okay. I’m not going to let that fucker get to me and neither should you. I want to forget the whole experience.” Dustin opened his mouth to say something.

“If you say but one more time I’m going to punch you,” I growled. With a weak laugh that was heavy with relief, Dustin dropped his forehead to mine. “I love you, Taz. You’re the bravest person I know.” “I love you too.”

Chapter Thirty-Four Dustin One Week Later

I leaned against the doorframe watching Taz whirl about my kitchen in nothing but my t-shirt and her panties. I had no idea what she was making, but it smelled heavenly and my stomach refused to allow me to stop her even if I was going to have to start cutting down in time for the Formula One season. She hadn’t slept at her flat once since Perry’s attempted rape and I could understand why. Even to think the words attempted rape made me seethe and wish I’d been able to put my fist through Perry’s face like Teo had. However, I’d been more focused on Tazia and as much as I wished the bastard could suffer at my hands, I know I made the right decision.

I’d plucked up the courage to phone Elora one last time for the truth a few days after, seeing as Perry was indisposed, rotting in a jail cell. She’d finally owned up to the truth, and for once she had done it without shouting. Perry had been inserting himself into her life for weeks before she finally gave in and slept with him. She told me she felt me pulling away and thought she’d cut me out of her life first. When Perry knocked her up he hadn’t cared until the baby became a useful tool to hurt me. I didn’t feel anything for Elora when she told me that. How could I? She’d made me think I had a child of her own accord, and none of it could excuse her violence. It had been Perry’s

manipulation which got her to convince me she had an abortion. Like she’d said in Abu Dhabi, she just didn’t want to be alone, to which I gave her the advice that maybe she should see a therapist for her anger, otherwise she would remain on her own. She said she’d consider the idea. What I still struggled to wrap my head around were the lengths Perry went to over the fact one girlfriend left him for me. It took me a while to remember what he had been talking about since I’d been single for years until meeting Elora. However, finally I remembered, and I’d stolen no one. It happened six years ago for crying out loud, and she’d come to me on her own. I’d never even

considered Perry’s ex until she pursued me. It certainly wasn’t enough to warrant Perry’s hatred, but he’d always seemed unstable, even before I knew he had a vendetta against me. I half expected him not to be able to stand trial because of insanity. That, or he still had a drug addiction fuelling his delusions. My money was on that option, though either way, I finally had the answers I needed and I still had Taz. She moved about my kitchen with ease, opening and closing cupboards. I loved she felt so comfortable, not only in making herself at home, but with me. After the attack a part of me expected her to crumble and become more

reserved, probably because of seeing how Raine dealt with trauma, yet Taz was the complete opposite. I liked to think it was because she felt so at ease around me she didn’t feel the need to hide her body or cover up. And whilst that was part of it, I knew the majority of it was just Taz. She was one of the strongest people I knew. The oven chimed and I strolled into the kitchen, causing Taz to jump. Her feet left the floor and her hand flew to her chest when she caught sight of me. With an exaggerated breath, she laughed around the sound. “Could you make a noise next time?” I shrugged. “Where’s the fun in that?”

A clatter rang out as she opened the oven and dumped the two tins holding twelve fairy cakes each onto the hob. “You’re not getting any cake then. I’ll give them all to Raine.” I moved up behind her, attempting to reach over her shoulder and grab one. I picked it up by the case and searing heat penetrated the tips of my fingers. When I snapped my hand back the cake went flying across the kitchen and into wall. “Shit, that’s hot.” “What the hell did you expect? You saw me take them out of the oven!” Tazia cried around her laughter. “Go run your hand under the tap, you big baby.” I sighed when the cool water made my hand stop feeling like it was on fire. I

kept my eyes on Tazia, watching her scoop the cakes out and place them on a cooling rack. “So, I’ve been thinking…” She cocked her hip against the counter, waving the knife she’d been using like a wand. “Oh God, you and thinking…there’s a recipe for disaster.” She cocked an eyebrow. “Really? You’re going to make fun of the person with the knife?” “You love me too much to use it. Anyway, I’m pretty sure I could distract you.” “Yeah right, try me. I have unwavering focus.” I dried my hands and folded my arms.

“Are you turned on, Taz?” Her face scrunched up. “What? Why would you think I—” “Your panties. There’s a giant wet spot on them.” Like I knew she would, she looked down in horror. I used the distraction to close the gap between us and slipped the knife from her fingers. Placing it on the counter, I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed my way across her knuckles. “Thought you had unwavering focus?” I smirked in response to the glare she sent me. “You don’t fight fair.” “Never will with you, babe. Your reaction is too funny.” She opened her mouth to complain so I interrupted her.

“What were you thinking about?” She peered up at me through her eyelashes, the humour back. “I think I’m going to move in.” I fell in love with her a bit more in that moment. There was nothing more I wanted than to wake up to her every morning and fall asleep with her every night. The fact she felt so confident in our relationship to just blurt it out without me asking made me fall for her even more. That didn’t mean I wasn’t going to tease her. “Did I miss the part where I asked you?” Tazia wrapped her arms around my neck. All I could focus on were her boobs pressed against my chest. She wasn’t wearing a bra.

“You mean you don’t want to wake up to me naked every morning?” She slid a hand down between us, running it over my obvious arousal. “Because I think he says differently.” I groaned at her touch. “Okay, I take it back. When do you want to move your things?” “We can start today if you want since I’m working the afternoon shift. We can put them in the spare room and I can stay in there.” My gaze shot to hers. I’m not sure what expression she saw because there were too many running through me to be sure which showed—confusion, panic, desperation, possession. “If you move in here, no fucking way are you sleeping in

the spare room.” Her lips quirked. “Oh yeah? Where am I going to sleep then?” “In my bed, preferably naked after mind-blowing sex.” She laughed. “Someone has a high opinion of himself.” “It’s only what you’ve told me, babe, but I’m happy to prove it to you right now.” “Really?” I inched forward, closing the gap between us. “Of course. I’m happy to prove it to you every minute.” I kissed her. “Of every day.” I kissed her again. Tazia tangled her hands in my hair, holding me against her as she parted her lips to allow my tongue into her mouth.

“I guess that means you want me to move in?” “Fuck yeah, babe. I wouldn’t have you anywhere else.” I crushed my lips back to hers, picking her up and carrying her back to our room. Moving her in could wait, first I needed her again. I’d never be able to get enough of her.

Epilogue Tazia Four Months Later—Australia If someone told me almost a year after losing my baby and fiancé I’d be in

Australia to support my Formula One racer boyfriend through the first race of his season I’d have had them tested. Yet that was what I was doing. I sat in Dustin’s room and watched the pre-race show on the screen while he ran whatever checks he needed to. It had been a surprise to see Nadine presenting, but after Dustin explained her degree in journalism and Teo’s contacts it made sense. She was interviewing Zeke when Dustin bustled into the room with Anthony, dressed in his full racing gear, minus the helmet. “You okay, babe?” “Do you really need to ask? I’m in Australia for crying out loud!” I laughed and leapt into his arms to hug him.

“Thank you for bringing me out here.” He wound his arms around my waist. “Trust me, I’m getting way more benefits out of bringing you along.” I saw Anthony leave over Dustin’s shoulder. “Yeah? What are these benefits?” “I’ll show you later tonight.” I nipped at his ear. “Can’t you show me now?” Dustin groaned into my hair. “Do not tempt me, Taz.” I fluttered my lashes innocently. “And don’t look at me like that either. “Okay, no more tempting, you have a race to win.” He framed my face with his hands, kissing me gently. “Thank you. I really

do not need my Formula One debut remembered for the size of my hard-on.” I gazed at him innocently. “I said no tempting, not no to giving you an incentive.” I ran my finger around the collar of his race suit, following the line with my eyes. “Taz…” Dustin’s voice dropped in warning and a knock on the door had us both stiffening. Anthony poked his head around the door. “It’s time, Dustin.” Dustin nodded, not taking her eyes from mine. “One last kiss for good luck?” He slanted his mouth over mine, his lips moving tenderly. When he moved to

pull away I held him in place for a second longer, making sure I could whisper in his ear. “I have strawberries and whipped cream back in the room. If you win I have a surprise for you.” His breath caught in his throat. “You’re going to be the death of me.” I chuckled, planting one last kiss on his lips. “Good luck. You’d better win because I really want to play tonight.” Anthony pulled Dustin from the room before he could respond, but he shook his head and I swear I saw him adjust himself as the door shut behind him. Messing with him was never going to get old. ***

Dustin Tazia was going to get me killed. I sat in my car on the start line and all I could think about was her body sprawled out on our hotel bed, naked. That was not the image I needed as I was about to start the first race of my season. I glanced over at Zeke starting in third beside my fourth place. He gave me a quick salute from his cockpit, a friendly good luck, then his focus returned to the lights. I needed to do the same. If I didn’t Teo’s car was going to be disappearing in front of me faster than I could blink. I screwed my eyes shut. When I

opened them again, all I focused on was the track. Everything else faded away. After all of the events I’d been through over the last year and a half, none of it seemed to matter anymore. I hadn’t heard from or seen Elora, and I didn’t want to. Perry awaited trial, and with Teo’s help we were making sure he wouldn’t escape jail time. Raine hardly reacted to crowds anymore, and she loved having Tazia on the grid to keep her company. They had struck up a friendship over sugar and Tazia had been roped into baking Raine and Teo’s wedding cake since they’d finally set a date. I had my friends back, and my Formula One family kept on growing.

Everything was perfect for once, and it felt strange to think it all came out of something so horrible. I had been dead on when I thought of Tazia as a balm to soothe my numbness. However, what I never expected was for her to piece me back together, share my pain, and experience everything with me. In her presence I very rarely needed my cards anymore unless it was to make her laugh with a shitty magic trick. Yes, I finally admitted I couldn’t do magic, but I didn’t care in the slightest. I had my dream job and my dream woman. Though I never thought I’d find someone to match a relationship like Raine and Teo’s, Tazia was my one and only and I wasn’t letting her go for

anything. Cars revving around me brought my focus back to the track. I engaged my starting sequences and watched the lights on the gantry illuminate. When they reached five, the lights went out. It was time to race.

~The End~

***Sneak Peek***

Stolen Breath Chequered Flag, Book 3

Prologue Zeke The platinum band hit the table with a

chink and spun on its side. I slammed my hand down on top of it to silence the irritating noise. Curling my fingers, I scraped them over the wood until the ring was once again balled tightly in my fist. I hung my head. When I screwed my eyes shut I pushed the tears to the corner of my eyes. The burning drops clung to my skin as long as possible before gravity took over. They left my face as I exhaled heavily, leaving no air in my lungs to support my deflating body. It wasn’t fair. The heated metal bit into my skin as I tightened my grip. Any stronger and I’d have pressed it into my palm completely,

but I couldn’t relinquish my hold. I stared at the back of my hand. My finger didn’t even have a tan line from where the ring had rested, that was how long I’d been able to wear it. There was nothing left behind except for the small dent which faded quickly. I should have been relieved because no permanent reminder meant no endless pain, right? It meant I should be able to move on. After all I knew when she placed that ring on my finger it wouldn’t be there forever. At least not for my forever. I knew there’d come a time when I’d have to remove it. It just came a lot fucking sooner than

we expected. Opening my eyes, I blinked against the daylight filtering in through the cracks in the blinds I’d failed to shut completely and glanced down at my hand. A small puddle had formed next to it and unclenching my fist I allowed my ring to fall from my grasp and into my tears. I stared down at it, my chest cracking open at everything it symbolised. There may have been no outward sign to remind me of her but I could feel her in every beat of my heart. Each thump felt like a kick to the chest, winding me as I struggled to draw in a breath. She should be here. We didn’t have enough time.

There were thousands of things I wanted to do with her by my side and now they were all impossible. She wouldn’t see me succeed in racing or be there to cheer me on. I’d never see her smile, hear her laugh, or feel her lips again. What gutted me most was waking up to an empty bed every morning. Her side remained cold and her scent still lingered. It had been a week and I still couldn’t find the strength to change the sheets because each time I got a hint of her honey scent my heart flared in memory. The smell of her perfume brought me a few seconds of happiness where I could trick my mind into believing she was still with me. In that

lazy slumber where I was half asleep, half awake, it was easy to forget. Even if coming back into reality shattered me a little more and made my heart want to stop with hers because I had to lose her all over again, it was all I had. I relished those seconds every morning where I could believe since her memory was the only reason I was able to pull myself out of bed. I knew she’d hate me for lying there all day so I fought through the pain for her, though today it was too much. It should have been her birthday and instead it was her funeral. She was supposed to have seen her birthday. I had everything planned out after all. Her eighteenth was meant to be

special, not cruelly ripped from her. We always knew it would be touch and go, but I had hoped. God, I’d hoped with every fibre of my being she’d live. I hadn’t allowed myself to consider the possibility of her not reaching her birthday even if it was the stark reality. The signs had all been there in the run up, yet no matter how much I knew in my head what was happening, my heart refused to believe her time had run out. Everyone had accepted it but me, so the end result blindsided me. She was gone and I was alone. I’m eighteen and I’m a fucking widower.

Did you miss Raine and Teo’s story?

Chameleon Soul Chequered Flag, Book 1 After one fateful night, Raine Wilkins’ life has never been the same… Two years into a relationship with Formula 1 driver Teo Coates, Raine walks out of his life without offering an explanation. To shield him from horrifying events that are best kept secret, Raine breaks her own heart and

the heart of the man she loves. And left with no choice, Teo is forced to abandon Raine to finish his race season. However, Teo always wins, and losing Raine’s heart has only made him more determined to reclaim it… Now, a year later, he’s back, and she’s his only goal. But Raine is no longer the same girl he left behind; she’s broken by the past and struggling to cope with each day. Unbearable memories have her nights plagued with fear, while her days are spent deliberately hiding away to avoid triggering full-blown panic attacks. Therefore, when Teo returns as England’s favourite driver,

and demands answers, all of Raine’s careful planning is destroyed. She is thrown into the one place she never wants to be—the spotlight. Her newfound fame as Teo’s public girlfriend raises old dangers, and exposes her to a group who will stop at nothing to tear them apart. If Raine and Teo are to be together, they must confront their past. However, only Raine knows the truth behind what happened during that sinister night, and revealing her secrets may cause Teo to leave for good.

Acknowledgements A lot of people helped me in the creation of Twisted Mind. Dustin has been a character that wouldn’t leave me alone for a while, and he’s also been the most frustrating character I’ve ever had to write because he wouldn’t fit the storyline I envisioned for him. He had a mind of his own and did what he liked, therefore I’m so thankful to everyone who has helped me shape this book to bring the best possible version to life. First, and foremost, to my family. Whether it’s to talk me down off a ledge when things don’t go to plan or to celebrate when things go right, you guys

are always there. I love you all so much. Secondly, to my betas, Kirsty and Lauren. Thank you for helping me work out the kinks in this story, pointing out the totally unbelievable things, and keeping me motivated when all I wanted to do was strangle Dustin. Thirdly, to my wonderful publisher, Limitless Publishing LLC. Thank you for all of your continual hard work behind the scenes and for giving me the chance to bring this series to life. It wouldn’t be possible without you. To my brilliant editor, Felicia. We haven’t worked on many projects together, but I’m learning a lot from you in the short period of time we have worked together. Thank you for making

my manuscript all shiny and sparkly. Also, a big thank you to my cover designer, TOJ Publishing Services for creating another amazing cover I’ve fallen in love with. To all of the authors I’ve met through Limitless and those I haven’t. You are a great support system and people I can turn to for help. To all of the bloggers who share and promote my books. There are too many of you to name individually, and I can’t put into words how much your help means to me. I appreciate every single thing you do for me. You guys are amazing, thank you. And finally, to my readers. Thank you for taking a chance on my work, sticking

with me, and supporting me. Without you I couldn’t live my dream and it means so much to me that you’re actually reading my books.

About the Author #1 bestselling author Mia Hoddell lives in the UK with her family and two cats. She spends most of her time writing or reading, loves anything romantic, and has an overactive imagination that keeps her up until the early hours of the morning. Mia has written over ten titles including her Seasons of Change series, the Chequered Flag series, the Elemental Killers series, and her standalone novels False Finder and Not Enough. Her favourite genres are contemporary romance or romantic suspense, and with an ever-growing list

of ideas she is trying to keep up with the speed at which her imagination generates them. She also designs book covers on her website M Designs.

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