Voyeur Extraordinaire by Cora Reilly Copyright ©2014 Cora Reilly All Rights Reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used i...
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Voyeur Extraordinaire
by Cora Reilly
Copyright ©2014 Cora Reilly All Rights Reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, businesses, events and places are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Cover designed by Romantic Book Affairs Designs Subscribe to Cora’s newsletter to find out about her next books, bonus content and giveaways! ( http://corareillyauthor.blogspot.de/p/newsletter.html )
Table of Contents Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-One About The Author
Chapter One I’d never considered myself a voyeur, but that changed one night when I came home late from waiting tables in a shabby bar where ass touching was considered a valid sport, and spotted my new neighbor banging a red-head across from my bedroom window. If I’d known what would follow after, I’d have never picked up those damn binoculars. Or maybe that’s just what I’d like to tell myself. *** I could still feel the imprint of his hand on my butt. It had burned itself into my skin – just like his sweat had left a stain on my skirt. I hated the way the guys in Jack’s bar thought that because I delivered their drinks to them in a ridiculously tight and short skirt (requested by my boss a.k.a. Asshat Jack), I gave them permission to clap my ass like I was a donkey they wanted to get moving faster. But I shouldn’t complain – I needed that job and those ass claps were more action than I’d gotten in a while and, if you didn’t count the few awkward make-out sessions with creepyChris, probably all my life. I squinted into the darkness. The light in the hallway on my floor wasn’t working – again. I’d complained to our landlord Mr. Olsen at least a dozen times and just that often he’d promised to fix the problem. Maybe he’d finally fix the problem if I broke my legs tumbling down a flight of stairs.
That might actually solve my financial problems. I felt my way forward, my heels catching on the uneven carpet. Who in their right mind put carpeting into a corridor of an apartment building? No light came from under the doors of the neighbor apartments. It was past midnight and most of them were probably long asleep. When I reached the door to my apartment, it took me a few minutes to fumble the key into the lock and open the door. Bruno yapped sharply and jumped against me, his paws scratching over my legs. I guessed that meant I could kiss my tights good-bye. At least they’d been only 99 cents. But with my budget even that added up to a dangerous amount of money if your overweight dog managed to get runs into a new pair every fucking night. I pushed him into the apartment, closed the door and turned the light on. The stupid bulb hanging from the ceiling flickered a few times before it started working properly. Amy threw a fit every time she saw it. I should really take her up on her offer to go lamp shopping with me. For a moment, I stood in the middle of my one-room apartment with its tacky kitchenette and bathroom where I got water on the toilet and every inch of the floor every time I took a shower. Despair and frustration kindled in my stomach but I squashed them immediately. It wasn’t pretty or big but at least I had a roof over my head and didn’t have to live with my parents anymore. Bruno gave a high yowl, his claws digging another hole into
my tights. I patted his head as I stepped out of my 4-inch heels. After a nine-hour shift running around in them, it felt like my feet were on fire. Luckily, Amy was looking after Bruno for a few hours every day while I was at work and brought him back into my apartment around 11pm every night. I glanced at the stack of paper on my tiny desk squeezed between my grandmother’s wardrobe and my bed. Would someone ever want my writing or was being a waitress really the end of the road? Three years ago, after high school, I'd moved to New York in the hopes of finding inspiration for my writing and maybe – hopefully – an agent or a publisher for my books. ‘That had worked out just perfectly, hasn’t it? ’ A nasty voice whispered in my head. My parents weren't happy that I hadn’t started college and was now living on my own in the big city. If they'd had a say in the matter, I would still be living with them, attending community college, boring myself to death or alternately trying to escape Chris's advances. Freaky Chris had been my prom date and still tried to contact me occasionally. He was too insistent and oblivious to my rejections – just like the stupid ass customers in Jack’s bar. I walked over to my desk, which was pressed against the white wall below the window, and grabbed the curtains to close them. I glared at the brick building in front of me that towered over its surroundings and obstructed my view of the park that I knew lay behind it. It was a new investment
project with luxury apartments. I’d heard rumors that they were planning on removing our apartment building to build even more of those luxury apartments. It wasn’t that I loved living in this dank room so much, but it was cheaper than most apartments, so if Mr. Olsen ever decided to sell I’d probably end up on the street. I allowed myself a peek at the panorama windows of the other building. They’d been rented out or sold only recently and I didn’t know a single person who lived there. Not that those people would want anything to do with a waitress. Most of the windows were dark or the curtains were drawn, only a single window, one floor below, was illuminated. It was a bedroom – which was held in light colors. Beige and white. A painting of red and black and blue squares hung over the massive bed. I’d never understood modern art. Why would people pay millions of dollars for something a kindergarten kid could draw? I let out a frustrated sigh. Had my life gotten so pathetic that I was analyzing other people's bedrooms? Yes. Definitely, yes. I let out another sigh, more resigned this time. Bruno wagged his stumpy tail and let out a yelp while he was busy tripping over my feet. His little pug face seemed to be smiling up at me. He was only ten months old and I'd bought him because I'd promised my dad that I'd have a guard dog if I lived alone. I had to bite back a snort. Dad hadn't been too pleased when he'd found out that I'd chosen a pug. I
guess he'd imagined a German Shepard or a Great Dane or something like that. Maybe he should spend more time in my tiny apartment, then he’d realize how ridiculous his suggestion had been. I tore my gaze from Bruno and was about to close the curtains when something in the illuminated window caught my attention. My eyes widened and a strange small gurgling noise escaped my throat. Stumbling back, I almost ripped the curtains off but managed to pull them shut in a jerk as I tried to catch my breath. I drew in some desperately needed gulps of oxygen and tried to calm my racing heart. A naked man. There had been a naked man in the window. My mind tried to wrap around the fact and my hands wouldn’t stop shaking while they were still clutching at the curtains. I wasn't sure why I hadn't let go of them yet but my body seemed unable to move. Slowly, and a bit guiltily, I leaned forward and peered through the gap between the curtains. My eyes found the window; the light was on, and there he was. The man stood in the middle of his room, in plain sight. Didn’t he know that everyone who peered at his window could see him? Maybe he enjoyed being watched. But now that I took a closer look, I noticed that only his chest was naked and he was still wearing beige pants. The sigh of relief – or maybe disappointment, I wasn't entirely sure –
got stuck in my throat when a beautiful woman with long red hair came into view. She was naked. I almost choked on my tongue when she knelt down in front of the man and pulled his pants down. Now I almost wished that the stupid brick building were closer to my apartment; then at least I'd have a better look. I bit down on my lower lip, feeling ashamed for that thought, but at the same time I couldn’t stop thinking about a solution for my problem. A grin tugging at my lips, I turned around and hurried toward my wardrobe. I fell down on my knees and pulled out one of the moving boxes I used for storing old stuff. I threw away the lid and started rummaging in the box, ignoring the photos of me flashing my braces in stupid smiles and not caring if I spread my belongings all over the floor. At the bottom I finally found what I’d been looking for. I grabbed the binoculars with a sweaty hand and jumped to my feet. My toes caught on a bump in the floor and I had to grab the wardrobe to steady myself. Whoa. I’d end up breaking my neck if I kept it up. Pathetic. I hastily switched off the light, covering the room in blackness, before I positioned myself behind the curtains, hidden in the darkness of the room. With shaky hands, my pulse pounding in my veins, I brought the binoculars to my eyes and peered through them. After a moment, I found the illuminated window. My focus was on the upper part of the man, and I was mesmerized. His eyes were closed and his head was tilted back in obvious pleasure. His hair was the most fascinating shade
of blond, almost golden, and he was simply beautiful. I usually didn't use that word for men, but it was all I could think of when I looked at his face. His lips parted slightly and, though I couldn't hear it, I imagined he'd moaned. Slowly, my gaze traveled lower over his muscled chest, his taut stomach, the fine line of hair that led to his... …cock. Oh my. My face heated and I had to steady myself with a hand on the window frame. His boxers had joined the pants on the ground by now and his erection stood on alert. The red-haired woman wrapped her fingers around his shaft and started pumping up and down slowly. My mouth went dry when she parted her lips and began sucking him, her eyes watching him the entire time. She seemed so in control – as if she had no problem taking what she wanted. Heat pooled in my lower belly and I rubbed my thighs against each other to alleviate the sweet tension that was building in me. I couldn't stop watching as the redhead sensually worked her mouth up and down, her fingers tracing every inch of his body. I wondered how his skin felt under her fingertips, how he tasted. Was he burning up the way I did? I allowed myself to close my eyes, imagining how it would feel to be the woman in that moment. I shuddered and my lashes fluttered open. The man placed his hands on the woman’s head and tangled them in her red curls, pushing her mouth up and
down harder and faster. He was looking down at her, watching how she worked him and another silent moan escaped his lips. On its own accord the hand that wasn't holding the binoculars traveled over my breasts, my hard nipples, and down my belly. Slowly, hesitantly, I pushed my hand into my sweatpants. I cupped myself over my panties and moaned softly. It had been a while since I’d pleasured myself. Most of the time I was too tired. As I watched the redhead sucking the man, a heat I’d never felt before spread through my body. I'd never seen a porn movie or read a Playgirl, and seeing something like this with my own eyes was incredible. I pushed the crotch of my panties aside and ran a gentle finger over myself. I'd never felt like this before. Sometimes I’d wondered if something was wrong with me, if maybe I was frigid just like Chris’s had said after I’d pushed his hand off my breasts. I started moving my fingers in rhythm with the man’s thrusts. My breath left my body in tiny gasps, electricity coursing through every inch of me. My hand with the binoculars shook but I couldn't take my eyes from the scene in the other room. The man tensed and threw his head back, his fingers tightening in the woman’s red curls. My finger moved faster and faster as I watched him ride out his orgasm and then my own body started to shake. I gasped and moaned while I clung to the window frame. Slowly, I came down from my high and caught my breath,
feeling slightly guilty and embarrassed. I removed my hand from my panties and let it drop to my side, suddenly feeling cold. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to forget what I’d seen, to banish the embarrassment. I shouldn’t have watched them. It was wrong. But those feelings of shame vaporized when I directed my eyes back to the illuminated window. The woman knelt down on the bed on all fours and gave the gorgeous man a coy look over her shoulder, her ass wriggling teasingly. He smirked as he came up to her from behind, rubbing his growing erection. I thought it took longer than that. Maybe the guy was some superstar porn actor. He grabbed her hips and with a swift move pushed into her. My hand returned to my still sensitive folds and this time I pushed a finger into my wetness, mimicking the movements of the man. Or rather I was trying to mimic his movements. His pace was so fast and powerful that only watching him pounding into the redhead made me dizzy. His firm backside tensed with every push and one of his arms snaked around the woman's waist and his hand cupped her sex. My finger was pumping into me faster and I felt my legs shake violently. The woman threw her head back for a cry of pleasure that I couldn't hear, and I let out my own cry when the second orgasm shot through my body. My legs gave away and I sank to my knees, panting. Next time I’d have to sit on my desk to watch him. Next time? I'd pleasured myself countless times before but it had never
felt this good. Not even close. ‘Just imagine how much
better it would have been if your neighbor had actually done all those things to you,’ a small voice teased. I groaned and closed my eyes as the binoculars dropped to the ground. Bruno stood on his hind legs and licked over my face, pulling me out of my after-orgasm-haze. I grimaced as I patted his soft head. I blew a strand of my brown hair out of my left eye. Great. Just great. I was patting my dog while the redhead was probably snuggling up to the gorgeous blond-haired man. She didn't need to pleasure herself. How I wished I were her. Instead I was watching them having sex like some Peeping Tom. Or maybe Peeping Tina. Was there even a female equivalent? Embarrassment washed over me. I stumbled to my feet and jerked the curtains closed, angry and frustrated with myself, and the misery that was my life. This would be the first and last time that I’d been a voyeur, I swore to myself. I stored the binoculars in my top drawer and walked into my bathroom for a cold shower, determined to forget about my neighbor. My gorgeous, sexy, muscled, blond-haired... Shut up! I screamed in my head and for once my mind listened.
Chapter Two I woke with a start and the fading image of a blond man. I pressed my face into my pillow, releasing a long breath. I'd been dreaming of him all night, and I didn't even know him. This was getting ridiculous. Angry with myself, I peeled the blankets off my sweaty body; the dream must have been really hot. I remembered only snippets of it: kissing the blond man, running my hands over his chest, lying beneath him as he pushed into me. I groaned. My skin tingled and my body yearned for another release, but I ignored the heat between my legs. This was getting too pathetic for words. My gaze wandered over to my window, still covered by curtains. Light peeked through them. For a moment, I wanted to risk peek. Was the blond man already awake? Would he be standing in front of the window with gorgeous bed hair? I needed an intervention. I jumped out of my bed; anger at myself seemed to energize me more than a cup of coffee ever had. I needed a shower - again. Though, I'd only had one last night. All because of a fucking hot dream. I wondered if my gorgeous neighbor would agree to pay my water bills, since it was his fault that I had to take showers so often. Once again I wished this wasn’t just a one-room apartment. I’d have given anything for a door to slam – and maybe kick. That
had always given me so much satisfaction in the past – and much to my mother’s chagrin. I stomped into my bathroom. Though bathroom was a pretty big word for what I had. More like bath-closet. Bruno hadn't bothered getting up. He was sprawled out on his back at the foot of my bed, snoring softly, pink tongue peeking out. He wasn’t supposed to be in my bed, but sometimes when I felt particularly lonely it felt good to have hit warm body snuggled against my legs. I wedged myself into the gap between the sink and the toilet – the center of my bathcloset and thrust the folding door shut. I didn’t give a satisfactory bam. Instead a tear ripped across the middle of the cardboard where mold had eaten the lamination away. Fucking great. I propped my hip up against the sink, despite its groan of protest. That would be the icing on the cake if that stupid thing came off the wall. I glared at the rip in the folding door. I couldn’t afford a new one. I guessed tape would have to do for now. I dropped my clothes on the green PVC floor and stepped into the small shower cubicle. Big word there again. It was pretty much just a drain sandwiched between two tiled walls. The shower curtain had gone the way of all flesh a couple of weeks ago. I turned the shower on and pressed against the cold wall when a few drops of scalding water dripped from the shower head. The pipes creaked and then a burst of cold water poured down on me. I gasped as my skin erupted in goose bumps. Two people wouldn't fit into this shower cubicle. Not that I had anybody I wanted to share a shower
with. Though, I wouldn't mind sharing it with Blond Guy. That would probably be my next hot dream… I turned the water off and rubbed a damp towel over my head, trying to get the images of my neighbor out of my head. I'd never obsessed over someone like this. Well, at least not in such a sexual way. I’d been pining over a guy pretty much all through high school, but back then my imagination had mostly ended at kissing or an abstract romantic first time. Of course, nothing had ever happened with that guy. Just like nothing was ever going to happen with my neighbor. Maybe it was time for me to do something about my single status. All those years of waiting for Mr. Right, for true love, had been a waste of time. The sexual frustration was apparently driving me nuts. I stepped out of the cubicle when I heard an insistent knocking. Stumbling out of the bath closet, I wrapped the towel around my body and clamped my arms down to make sure it stayed in place. It wasn’t even 9 yet. Nobody ever bothered me this early. Maybe it was Blond Guy. Maybe he'd noticed me watching them having sex last night. I stopped with my hand on the door handle, frozen. God, what if it was him? I'd die of embarrassment. Bruno stood beside me, yelping excitedly. He scratched the old wood with his claws, leaving more marks beside the ones he’d inflicted in the last few months. If I ever moved out of this hellhole, my landlord would probably make me pay for a new door – or at least a new paint job.
With a shaky hand, I pushed the handle down and opened my door. I stifled a sigh of relief when I found Amy standing in front of me. She was grinning widely. Her copper hair stuck out from her head in two side pigtails with pink ribbons. “Okay.” I drew the word out, then I raised my eyebrows. “Have you and Jared been up to something kinky?” Amy was the only one I could talk to like that. Somehow she brought out my bolder side. Before moving to New York, I didn’t know I had one. I still didn’t most of the time. It wasn’t really unusual that she had her hair up in some weird hairdo, but she usually didn’t go for the schoolgirl look. She poked her tongue out at me and pushed past me. She was small, several inches smaller than me. But I was 5’8 so most girls were smaller than me, and even some men. If I lowered my standards and stopped looking for a man who was taller than me, maybe then I’d have more luck in the men department. “I’d be wearing knee socks and a pleated skirt if that were the case, just so you know,” she said with a grin, flashing her tongue piercing at me. “TMI,” I said quickly. I really didn’t need that image in my head. I was still busy trying to get rid of what I saw yesterday. “It’s not even nine. What the hell are you doing here so early? And shouldn’t you be at work?” I closed the door and only now noticed that she was holding two cups in her hands. I tried to catch the scent of roasted beans but
got nothing. “I have to work evenings in the next few weeks.” That meant she wouldn’t be able to take care of Bruno anymore. My face must have fallen, because she hastily continued. “Jared will keep Bruno company when he gets back from work. And I’ll be back to working lunch hours soon.” Relief settled in my body. I couldn’t have afforded a dog sitter right now and I doubted my boss would be thrilled if I’d start taking Bruno to work with me again. My ears were still ringing from his lecture the last time. “But that’s not the only reason I’m here. I thought I’d introduce you to the perfect way to start the day.” She raised the cups. I sniffed again. They definitely didn’t smell like coffee. I walked up to her and peeked into the cups. A pale green liquid was inside. “What’s that?” “Matcha tea with agave syrup.” I screwed up my eyebrows. The brew reminded me of the water that had come out of my faucets the first few days after I’d moved in. Landlord Olsen had merely advised me not to wash my face or brush my teeth with it, since it could be infected with something. Whatever that meant, and then the idiot had taken his sweet-ass time to fix it. But I didn’t mention any of this to Amy. “Something your bo ss ordered for the restaurant?” Amy nodded enthusiastically as she swung open the folding table that perched at the edge of my kitchenette. She set the cups down on the pink coasters she’d given me a few
days ago. One of her attempts to make my apartment a bit more homely. Sadly the pink looked horrible against the mustard color of my table. “It gives you an energy boost and is super healthy. It’s a super food.” Her face began to glow like it always did when she talked about healthy food. She worked in a vegan restaurant called ‘Rawmazing’ where they served mainly raw vegan cuisine and super food smoothies how Amy put it. If she knew I considered dinner a success whenever I had guacamole instead of cheese dip with my tortilla chips, she’d freak out. I followed her toward the table, all the while holding the towel around my body. I didn't want to flash her. Though, I was pretty sure Amy wouldn’t mind. She was pretty open about such things. She and Jared loved sunbathing European style. I reached for the cup but she shook her head and tutted. “It still needs some milk. I didn’t have any at home. I need to go grocery shopping.” I opened my tiny fridge and took the vanilla soy milk out. I’d always bought it for when Amy came over to visit since she was vegan, but I’d gotten so used to the taste that I didn’t even bother buying anything else. “And, Nora, we really need to do something about that light bulb. There’s a lovely second hand shop with vintage furniture just around the corner of Rawmazing. I’m sure they have a lamp for little money. Everything’s better than this. Maybe we can go there before work one morning.” I wasn't sure if I should be offended or embarrassed. I sank down on the folding chair across from her. Sometimes it felt
as though everything I owned could be folded. I couldn’t help but wonder when they’d finally invent the folding boyfriend. Amy’s eyes lingered on the white wall over my bed. It wasn’t the first time either. “I know it needs pictures. The white walls remind me of hospitals,” I said. “Maybe we can find a nice painting in that vintage shop you mentioned.” I wasn't a shopping addict, mainly because I lacked the necessary money, but if Amy said the second hand shop wasn’t expensive, I believed her. She knew I couldn’t afford much. Not that she earned a ton as chef in training but with her and Jared’s money they got by. Her face lit up in a smile. “I’m sure we will.” She put the soy milk in our cups and handed one to me. I took a sip and was surprised at the tart sweetness. “Not bad,” I said between sips. “Just wait a few minutes until you get an energy boost,” she said with a smile. “To be honest, you look like you could really need one.” I rubbed my eyes. I hadn’t looked into the mirror yet, but I bet I had dark circles the size of saucers. “Bad day at work?” she asked, keeping her voice down like she thought I might have a hangover. But sadly only our customers were allowed to drink. And technically I had only been allowed to drink hard liquor for two weeks. That’s when I’d turned twenty-one. Not that my age had stopped me from taking a gulp before then, or work in a bar that
served said liquor. Jack hadn’t given a fuck about my age when he hired me. Not that it mattered anymore. “I can’t remember the last good day I had,” I said. I had a feeling that the Matcha was slowly kicking in. Or maybe that was just Amy’s chipper presence. “You’re too young to be so jaded,” Amy said jokingly. I rolled my eyes at her. She didn’t get her ass touched by sweaty, beer-bellied old man every fucking day. Bruno had rolled out of bed and was trying to get her attention. He was using his charm on her, and like usually it worked. She patted his head and whispered words of adoration. And, honestly, who could resist that face? But he ignored me like he always did when Amy was around. She was his flavor of the month. Well, more like flavor of the year. “Sometimes I worry that I’ll be stuck waiting tables all my life. I’m not sure I can survive another two years listening to stinky guys call me puppet or babe. Who came up with that name anyway? Do I look like a pig?” I couldn’t believe I’d been working at Jack’s for that long already. For the first year of my life in New York I’d worked in the kitchen of a small restaurant, washing dishes, but when they’d closed, Jack’s was the only place where I could find a new job. Tea shot out of Amy’s nose as she succumbed to a fit of giggles. I handed her a napkin, stifling my own laughter. “That was so lady like. I bet Jared would have ravished you if he’d seen it.” “Oh shut up,” she gasped out between bursts of laughter while wiping her chin and the table with the napkin.
Eventually she turned serious. “Maybe I can ask Fiona if she needs someone else,” Amy said. I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. You don’t have to do that. You know I’m not vegan. Don’t you have a vegans-only policy?” “Yeah, but I’ll ask anyway. You don’t eat meat, I’m sure that counts for something.” I didn’t mention that I would have given anything for a few scallops in that moment. By now my skin had dried and my hair was a knotted clot atop my head. “Maybe if I’m lucky I can sell a few short stories this year.” “I’m sure you’ll snatch up a publisher with your new book.” She was one of the few people I’d told about my writing, and she never made fun of me or didn’t take it seriously. That was what I loved about Amy. Everything was possible in her mind. She dreamed of opening her own vegan restaurant one day and she never doubted that it would happen. I’d mentioned my love for writing to my parents once but that hadn’t gone over well. My mom had said my time would be better spent looking for a suitable husband and my dad wanted me to work a proper job, preferably take over his vet practice at some point. “Does Jared have the early shift again?” I asked, remembering Amy’s comment about Jared taking care of Bruno. Jared was doing his residency in a hospital two blocks from here and had been gone most evenings and nights in the last few weeks.
“Yeah, he left around five.” She and Jared were high school sweethearts. I didn’t think there still existed couples like them. She always got me back on my find-true-love wagon. They'd been together for six years and were nauseatingly happy. If I didn’t like her so much, I’d probably hate her for having the perfect boyfriend. Though at this point in my life, I’d probably even take the asshat boyfriend. Maybe she knew the blond man. I could ask her. I bit my lip anxiously and wondered how I could broach the subject without being too obvious. I could hardly tell her that I'd watched him having sex. Though, again, Amy probably wouldn’t find fault in that. “Uhh...Amy...” Wow. Wasn't I the epitome of eloquence? She smiled at me, her expression curious. “I saw a man yesterday...and he lost his...umm...” Think of something! “I-pod. I want to give it back to him. Do you know who he is?” I watched her hopefully. She started giggling and I felt heat rise up into my cheeks. “You haven't even described him to me. My Spidey sense isn’t that good.” I grinned sheepishly. “Well, he was quite tall and he...” ...had a mouthwatering chest. “...had blond hair, almost golden, good looking, maybe in his late twenties and he seems to live in the building across from ours.” I nodded toward my window. I decided not to give her the detailed description of his bedroom. That
would have made me sound like a creep. Amy gave me a knowing smile. Was I being that transparent? I wasn't a good liar, I knew that, but apparently it was even worse than I'd thought. “Golden hair and good looking? Well, that might be Adrian Black. Jared and he go to the same fitness center,” she said thoughtfully. Maybe I should start working out. She was watching me searchingly for a moment. “Be careful, he's a womanizer.” “I'm not interested in him.” I stared down at my cup, avoiding Amy’s eyes, and shrugged. “I just thought I should give him his i-Pod back.” Amy grinned at me. “I think you need to get dressed, and I have to clean the mess that’s my apartment,” she said as she rose from the chair. I stood as well and hugged her. She grinned at me widely when she pulled back. “See you tomorrow morning!” she called over her shoulder as she walked out of my apartment. I chanced a look at Bruno who was sitting next to my leg, watching me with his tongue wedged between his teeth. He probably wanted to go on his morning walk. It was almost ten o’clock by now. If I didn't hurry I wouldn’t manage to walk Bruno, go grocery shopping and head into the park to get some writing time in before I had to be ready for work at 5. I rushed towards my dresser, all the while trying to untangle my messy hair, and put on jeans and a white blouse. Grabbing a granola bar for breakfast, I put Bruno on his leash and hurried out of the apartment with him.
We got into the elevator, which smelled of pee and vomit. I’d been trapped in the thing twice before but I was too lazy to walk down the stairs. The air was crisp when I stepped out of the building, and I shivered in my thin blouse. I’d have to fetch my jacket before I headed towards the grocery store later. Bruno was sniffing the ground and raised his leg every few feet, as if he owned every inch of this place. My eyes kept darting up to the window of Adrian Black. Amy had said he was a womanizer. I wondered how she knew and what exactly it meant. I tore my gaze away, chiding myself for my irrational behavior. This obsession had to stop. A few minutes later, Bruno was strapped into the basket at the front of my scooter, his doggy goggles protecting his eyes and his tongue lolling in the wind as I meandered through traffic. A few cars honked when I cut in front of them, but I ignored them. I wedged my scooter in the narrow gap between two cars in front of the small grocer. After I’d brought my groceries to my apartment, Bruno and I spent a few hours in the park. I was worried that thoughts of a certain man would stop me from working on my book, but I was actually able to ban him from my mind. Most of the time at least. Now and then, my mind wandered back to what I'd witnessed the night before but most of the day I was too immersed in my book and later, during my job in the bar, I was too busy evading the groping hands and leery comments to think of Adrian Black.
This changed, however, the moment I returned into my apartment at 1 o'clock in the night. My window seemed to taunt me with its mere presence while I changed into more comfortable clothes. I glared at it and pulled the curtains shut. Better safe than sorry. I didn't want to be tempted. I made a midnight-snack salad of Avocado, tomatoes and lettuce for me, and ate it at the kitchen table. Bruno was pressed against my leg, but except for his breathing and the sound of my chewing, silence crowded the room. I wished Amy was here to talk about one of the new superfoods, but she was probably snuggled against Jared. Living alone, without my parents’s constant supervision, had felt like a dream come true when I first moved to New York. But after three years, I was so over it. I hated the way the walls closed in on me at night, how a cold bed greeted me when I came home from work. Maybe I should just take a peek through the binoculars.
No. I would resist. I wouldn't look. He probably had his curtains drawn tonight anyway. I wouldn't turn into a perverted peeping Tom. I lay down on the small sofa pressed against the only free spot left in my apartment – between the stove and the bathroom door. Its flowery fabric smelled of dust and staleness. I turned on the TV to distract myself, scared to glance at my window and succumb to my silly desire. This unhealthy obsession had to stop. Maybe if I told myself that
often enough, I’d really start to believe it. That night I fell asleep on the sofa and the next morning my neck hurt like hell. But I decided it was worth it. After all, I’d resisted, even though my dreams had been made up of naked chests and golden hair.
Chapter Three My fingers curled around the counter and I pressed my eyes shut, fighting the urge to grab a bottle and throw it at the head of the bastard who’d slapped my butt twice this evening. But I needed this job and seriously injuring a customer with a bottle was probably exactly the reason Jack needed to kick me out. This day had been a fucking train-wreck from the moment I’d woken with a brain-splitting headache to the moment I’d arrived at work five minutes late and had to listen to Jack’s screaming. “Puppet,” the slurred voice of Ass-slapper carried into my ears and I forced my eyes open with a deep breath. For a moment they lingered on the display of liquor towering above me but then I turned to the customer with a fake smile. He was sitting at the table closest to the bar and I had to pass him every time I delivered drinks to a table. Very clever. The guy was shit-faced. He was clutching the edge of the table to keep himself from toppling off his chair. I made my way toward him and he actually managed to lift his glass. “Be a doll and bring me another scotch.” “I’m sorry, but I think you had enough,” I said, trying to sound as civil as humanly possible after five hours in this hellhole. The lights were dimmed as always and the smell of alcohol, stale smoke and sweat was heavy in the air. “Should I call a cab for you?”
The face of the man scrunched up. “I don’t want a fucking cab. I want a drink.” I took a step back, away from his anger. “I’m sorry--” I began again but the man gripped my wrist, surprisingly steady for someone as drunk as him. Leon was already coming around the bar – he was our barkeeper and his talent was totally wasted in this place. But I shook Assslappers grip off and he half-fell forward, body convulsing and a wave of vomit spewed out of him and all over my legs and shoes. “Oh fuck!” I stumbled back, fighting the sickness that shot through my body at the feeling of the hot vomit on my body. Leon appeared at my side and put a hand on my shoulder. His black brows drew together in concern when he looked into my face. His hair was pulled back in a short ponytail and he was wearing a shirt with palm trees that made him look like a member of the Beach Boys. “Why don’t you leave early? I take care of the asshole, and Mona and I finish the shift without you.” I gave him a shaky smile. “Thanks, but Jack will have my head if I take off.” Leon lifted Ass-slapper to his feet and half-carried him to the entrance. I hurried through the backdoor and into the staff bathroom. I snatched out several paper towels and wetted them before rubbing them over my calves and shoes, but the vomit stuck to my tights and shoes. It stank of rancid cheese and alcohol, and made me gag. I threw the stained towels to the ground and gripped the wash basin, tears rising into my eyes. Why was
my life such a mess? The door opened and Mona came in, wearing the same ridiculously short skirt and too tight white blouse. “Leon told me what happened.” Her blue eyes took in my ruined clothes. “I have extra tights in my purse. And maybe you could wash your shoes.” “Thanks,” I said, accepting the packet of tights she was holding out to me. “Are you okay?” “Hard day,” I said simply. No use in telling her I was fine when it was so obvious that I wasn’t. She rubbed my shoulder. “Why don’t you go home and get some rest. You look pale.” Mona and I weren’t exactly friends. She’d always been determined to keep me at arms length. Leon once mentioned that she saw me as a competitor for tips. Though she had to be blind if she didn’t realize that she, with her wide, womanly hips and D-cup, made much more money than I did. Most of the middleaged customers preferred her looks – except for the few guys who liked their women tall and skinny. The Twiggy type, how Amy once put it. And yet Mona’s concern stirred something in me, because I could see in her face that she meant it. At home, in my shabby apartment nobody would be waiting for me, nobody would take care of me. “No. I want to work.” She stared at me for a moment before she left. I slipped out of my shoes and peeled my stained tights off. My eyes were still burning but I wasn’t going to cry. I used a
wet paper towel to clean my calves, though I knew it wouldn’t help with the smell. That had to wait until later. After that I threw the towels and my stained tights into the garbage bin, put on Mona’s tights and washed my shoes under streaming water, glad that they were fake patent leather. Plastering a smile on my face, I returned into the bar where I wouldn’t be alone and where the constant buzz of conversation and laughter kept the nagging voice in my head at bay. The voice that demanded I needed to do something, change something. *** When I came home that night, even Bruno’s yapping couldn’t disperse the silence in my apartment. My eyes were drawn to my window. A tiny glimpse wouldn’t hurt, would it? It could be my reward for my discipline from the night before and for surviving being vomited on. This time I probably wouldn't see anything exciting anyway and then I would finally be able to live my life in peace without recurring dreams of hot blond guys. ‘Well, as if that’s your biggest problem’, my nasty voice whispered in my mind. I hastily switched off the light and took the binoculars from my top drawer before I walked toward the window and brought the binoculars to my eyes. Within a few seconds I found the window I was searching for and my breath caught in my throat. There he stood in black boxers and was running his hand through his blond hair. How I envied the red-haired girl for being able to run her hands through his mane. The lucky girl!
Only tonight the lucky girl wasn't a redhead. I frowned. This girl had straight, dark-blond hair and looked rather ordinary. Her best features were probably her breasts, which were quite big for her small frame. She was the perfect hourglass body. She smiled, without showing her teeth. Somehow it looked fake. I didn't like her. You’re just jealous, my nasty little voice whispered. Adrian didn't seem to mind her faked smile as much, or maybe he just didn't notice. His gaze seemed to rest a few inches below her chin. Maybe his brain wasn't properly supplied with blood right now. If I had breasts like her, then maybe I would get his attention as well. The woman walked toward him, swaying her hips in an exaggerated way. I worried that she might dislocate her pelvis or hip or something like that, if she kept her swaying up. Not that I hadn’t seen women walking like that before. In Jack’s bar half the waitresses had perfected the asswaggling and hip-swaying, since it meant more tip money for them. Personally, I didn’t think I needed my ass touched any more than it already was, so I kept walking like a normal human being. Well, except for the few times my money troubles had reached a peak and I really needed a rise in tips. The blond woman wrapped her arms around him and started grinding herself against his body as she thrust her tongue into his mouth. It looked like she was trying to choke him with it. Despite my dislike for the woman, I couldn't take my eyes from the scene. Or maybe because of it. Part of
me wanted him to push her away, to realize what a bitch that woman was, but the other part hoped he’d at least wait until they were done. Once again, I tried to imagine that I was the one kissing him and running my hands over his chest, feeling his hot skin. I thrust my hand into my panties when he pulled down her skirt and panties. Just like the redhead from two days ago, she was completely shaved. I couldn’t spot a single hair on her pussy. I wondered if Adrian preferred it that way. She leaned against the wall and he lifted one of her legs and put it on his right shoulder. My eyes grew wide. I’d seen a Kamasutra book on Amy’s bookshelf once but I’d thought nobody was capable of doing all the positions. But the girl didn’t seem to have a problem bending her body to her will. She could probably do at least half of the Kamasutra positions. Maybe that was why Adrian Black had chosen her. When he started kissing the inside of her thigh, I bit down on my lip to stop myself from moaning. If my neighbors heard me, they’d probably think I’d injured myself. The woman thrust her hands into his hair when he trailed a tongue over her. I almost cursed aloud when he shifted, so the back of his head was in the way and I couldn't see what he was doing exactly. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine how his tongue would feel, but unfortunately my imagination wasn't good in that area. With a frustrated sigh, I opened my eyes; just in time to see him grab her thighs and lift her up, pushing her against the
wall. She threw her head back when he pushed into her. I started rubbing a finger over my sensitive folds. I slipped a finger into my core and rubbed my clit with my thumb, sending shivers of pleasure through me. Within seconds I came, but it wasn’t as intense as the last time. Somehow the knowledge that what I was experiencing wasn’t even close to the sensation the woman was feeling had ruined it for me. A wave of guilt and shame washed over me, but not as bad as two days ago. I closed the curtains and plopped down on my bed. How I wished to feel his lips, his tongue, his hands... I let out a groan. If possible my obsession with Adrian Black had gotten worse.
Chapter Four I didn’t sleep much that night. I couldn’t get the smell of vomit out of my nose and every time I fell asleep I dreamed of ass-slapper puking all over me. I missed my dreams of Adrian Black; they never made me feel nauseous – quite the contrary. That thought brought a smile to my face. Bruno’s eyes peeled open and I could have sworn he raised his eyebrows. He probably couldn’t remember the last time I’d been up before 6am. I patted his head and walked toward the bath-closet to take a shower. Thirty minutes later, I was outside, taking Bruno on an early morning walk. He sniffed the grass half-heartedly, obviously displeased at having to be up this early. The bang of a door falling shut cut through the quiet. I spun around, heart pounding. Bruno yelped and tugged at the leash, as if he was ready to pounce on anyone who dared to attack. I admired his bravery, but I knew I’d just end up protecting him if anything happened. There was no danger though. I watched a woman hurry away from the front door of the luxury apartment complex. She was buttoning her blouse, blond hair messy and makeup smeared around her eyes. And then I recognized her. She was the woman I’d seen in Adrian Black’s bedroom last night. Had something happened?
“Are you okay?” I half-shouted as she hurried in my direction. Her eyes flew toward me in surprise. She hadn’t seen me before. Her expression hardened. “Everything is fucking fine,” she said. But she didn’t sound fine. “You sure nothing is wrong?” She stopped at a car and unlocked the door. “Adrian Black is an asshole, that’s what’s wrong,” she hissed before disappearing in her car and driving off. Huh? Last night she’d looked quite content. Maybe she’d thought it was more than a one-night stand. Amy had been right. Adrian Black was a womanizer and a heart-breaker. I definitely had to stay away from him. But watching him couldn’t hurt, right? *** I stuffed a cookie into my mouth, grabbed my binoculars and perched on the windowsill. It was time for my nightly peeping Tom ritual. Sometimes I was convinced that it was the only thing that kept me going. That, and Amy bringing me coffee or green tea every morning. She was the best neighbor and friend a girl could hope for. I didn’t know what I would do without her. Sadly, in the last couple of weeks, our time together had been limited to the hour we spent at my kitchen table every morning. Her work in the restaurant kept her busy and, of course, there was still Jared. At least she had someone to snuggle up to at night. I had only Bruno and the few minutes I spent watching my neighbor every night. Pathetic.
I stuffed another cookie into my mouth and directed the binoculars to Adrian's window. It was already illuminated and allowed me to watch whatever was going on in it. There was a new woman waiting in the bedroom. Long black hair and tanned skin. Would she be leaving his apartment early the next morning crying too? I'd been watching Adrian for a little over a week and so far I hadn’t seen a woman twice with him. Apparently, he really was a womanizer like Amy had said. I wasn't sure how I felt about that but it wasn't my business anyway. I was nothing but a voyeur and had no right to judge his choice in women. Yet, I couldn't stop wondering why he didn't settle for one of them. They were all pretty and seemed to make him happy in the bedroom. Maybe he was looking for Ms. Right, just like I was looking for Mr. Right. Who was his Ms. Right? The question almost made me snort. ‘You probably think that woman might be you ,’ the nasty little voice whispered in my head. Adrian stepped into the bedroom, already naked – how convenient. My fingers around the binoculars tightened and I couldn’t stop the smile from showing on my face. He didn't waste any time with foreplay. I let out a little breathy sigh when he lied back on the bed and let the woman straddle him. It was the first time that a woman was on top. Usually, Adrian was the one doing the work. Maybe he liked to be in control. For some reason that thought sent a shiver down my back. I swear this man had a timer set for his sex sessions.
Between ten and one o’clock every night he had a woman in his bed or against the wall or on the floor or against the window. I stared down at Bruno. He was standing on his hind legs and making whiny noises, wanting to be lifted onto my lap. Bruno loved watching our neighbor just as much as I did, or maybe he only stared out of the window because he didn't have anything else to do. Which reminded me of someone whose name was Nora Clark. Never mind. Pathetic. Bruno let out another whine, louder this time. He was insistent and shutting him into the bathroom wouldn't work. I'd tried that two days ago and he hadn't stopped yelping until I'd let him back in. I knew I should be stricter with him but he was just too cute. Unfortunately, his actions kept distracting me from watching the events in the bedroom. His whines got louder and with a resigned sigh I lifted him onto the desk that was positioned against windowsill. He shut up instantly and stared out of the window, leaving me to my voyeurism. Adrian was gripping the butt of the woman so tightly, I was sure she'd have his fingerprints on her ass cheeks tomorrow. I bit my lip, wondering how my butt would look with his fingerprints on it. So far I’d only had a hand-shaped bruise on my butt once and sadly hot sex hadn’t been involved in the creation. Though, when I remembered the guy who’d caused the bruise, I was relieved. The woman started to rotate her hips in a tempo that
reminded me of a rodeo chick. I was getting dizzy just from watching her. But I had to give her that: Adrian looked pretty impressed. I felt all hot and bothered, and let my hand wander into my panties. But just when I started to relieve some of the tension, panting alerted me to the fact that I wasn't alone. I lowered my binoculars and caught Bruno staring at me in earnest interest while his little pink tongue was hanging out of his mouth, drooling all over the scratched wood of the desk. Not the most erotic sight. I pulled my hand out of my panties. With Bruno watching me like that, I wouldn't reach any heights tonight. Frustrated, I returned my focus to the woman who would have an orgasm tonight and probably several more of them. She was all sweaty and moaning. My gaze focused on Adrian with his eyes closed and his lips parted in pleasure. Even his teeth looked perfect. What an
overachiever. Sadly, Bruno's loud panting spoiled the pleasure of watching Adrian. Angry at myself, at Bruno and the world in general, I threw the binoculars to the ground and stalked over to my bed where I plopped down. Life was a bitch. The entire week had proven that. Not only had Chris called my mobile countless times but every single agent that I'd sent my book to had rejected my work. It was frustrating and disheartening, to say the least.
*** The next day my mood hit rock bottom and even breakfast with Amy couldn't make me feel better. I hadn’t written a word all day. Instead I’d spent hours looking for a way to sell my short stories and crying over two rejections. Already late for work, I stood in front of the apartment building, wallowing in self-pity and trying to ignore Bruno who was pooping on the lawn. I pulled a plastic bag from the pocket in my coat and bent down to pick up Bruno's poop. I gagged a little when I caught a glimpse of it and was about to straighten up when I heard steps. My head whirled around and there he was, walking out of the house. He was wearing dark jeans and a white shirt, and looked like sex on legs. He looked like he'd walked out of a fashion magazine. He was probably on his way into a fancy club to find a new woman for the night. I stared down at myself, clad in an old coat – which covered my skimpy waitress outfit –, and holding the bag with my dog's poop in my hand. Fan-Fucking-tastic. Of course, the first time I met him was when I was picking up Bruno's poop. I should have foreseen that. Could my life get any worse? Maybe. He seemed very busy with his mobile, so there was a small chance that he hadn't noticed me yet. I unbuttoned my coat to show him what lay beneath and to distract him from the little baggy in my hand. With as much grace as possible, my head held high, I
walked toward the garbage can and disposed of the little poop bag. Then I walked toward my scooter, swaying my hips slightly like I'd seen some of my co-workers do. I turned my head to see how he'd liked my little show, only to be disappointed. My shoulders slumped. He was already gone. Apparently, I was invisible to him. He hadn't even noticed me. Only an old man with a poodle stared at me with parted lips. Not the kind of attention I was looking for. I got enough of that at work. I stared down at Bruno who was watching me like I'd grown a second head. Great. Even my dog thought I was crazy. And maybe I was. I really needed to stop acting like an idiot. My bad day turned even worse that night. For the first time since I'd moved into my new apartment, Adrian's bedroom was dark and the curtains were drawn. I sank down on my bed and sulked. Life really was a bitch. The next two days it was the same. Adrian's window remained dark, no sign of him, and it was starting to worry me. Because I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my nights without Adrian. I'd gotten used to watching him bang girls and my dreams consisted of nothing but him. And me. Naked. On his bed. I shouldn't be obsessing over someone I didn't even know. It was wrong. Very wrong and unhealthy but I couldn't stop. Maybe I should try to get laid by the next man who crossed my path. But I didn't want to get laid by a random stranger. I wanted to get laid by Adrian. A small voice deep inside
wondered if that was really what I wanted, but I ignored it. I groaned in frustration and buried my face in my pillow. Night three without Adrian. It was going to be a long, sleepless, nerve-wrecking night.
Chapter Five Night four, and Adrian's window was dark. It was frustrating. What if something had happened to him? What if he'd moved away? What if he'd become a monk? I let out a sad sigh and was about to close the curtains when Adrian's bedroom lit up. My heartbeat tripled and I almost dropped the binoculars in excitement. There he was, clad in a nice dark suit. A gorgeous brunette in a tight pencil skirt and a white blouse was loosening his tie. He was smirking at her, running his right hand through her long hair while his left hand squeezed her ass. Bruno let out an excited yelp and I grinned at him. “He's back!” I whispered in a breathless voice. They were kissing, Adrian's hand tangled in the woman's hair. I sank down on the windowsill in a comfortable position as I watched them dropping one piece of clothing after the other. It was sad how happy I was about his return. I didn't even know him and yet he'd become a part of my life. Adrian was pulling down his pants, revealing his hard-on, when I heard a creak. My head shot around and I almost got a heart attack when I saw Amy standing in the door frame, smiling sheepishly. “Your door was open so I thought I should check on you. I thought something might have happened to you. I was worried.”
I must have been so lost in my thoughts that I'd forgotten to close the door to my apartment when I'd come home from work. I felt myself blush and lowered the binoculars, trying to hide them from Amy's view but she had already seen them. Her face lit up with excitement and she rushed over to me, startling me. Why was she even still awake? She snatched the binoculars from my fingers and peered through them. I lowered my head, feeling absolutely mortified. Could it get worse? Amy caught me watching my neighbor having sex. Now she probably thought I was a pervert and she'd never talk to me again. I jumped slightly when I heard her excited screech. She bounced up and down, and let out a delighted giggle when she found what she was looking for. Adrian's bedroom window, I assumed. “I can't believe it!” she exclaimed with more giggles. “Adrian naked, having sex with a brunette!” I bit my lip, utterly surprised by her reaction and not sure what to say. She didn't seem mad at me or disgusted by what I did. Amy was a strange woman. “How long have you been doing that?” she asked curiously, not taking her eyes from Adrian's window. “Ummm....for a while,” I admitted in embarrassment. I could feel the heat in my cheeks increasing. I was only glad that Amy hadn’t caught me with my hand shoved into my panty. I didn’t think I would have gotten over that kind of mortification. She shook her head, grinning, and lowered the binoculars
to look at me. “Damn it. My window doesn't face this way.” I frowned. “You've got Jared.” She let out a bell-like laugh. “I know and I'm not interested in Adrian. He's too much of a heart breaker anyway, but it would be fun to watch him. Maybe I'd learn something. Or maybe Jared and I could watch him together. It would be like live-porn.” She giggled again and brought the binoculars back to her eyes, peering through them. I exchanged a look with Bruno and shook my head in disbelief. My life was getting stranger every day.
Chapter Six I took another sip from my coffee as I watched Amy. She was drinking her own cup of coffee and was completely immersed in a foodie magazine. Her Matcha tea phase seemed to have passed, or maybe she had returned to coffee for my sake. Of course it wasn’t just any coffee. It was organic and fairtrade. Sometimes I felt bad for buying the regular stuff, but I didn’t have enough money to afford a good conscience. Amy turned a page, taking another sip of her coffee. It was often like this. We had breakfast together in comfortable silence and it didn't feel awkward at all. Amy and I just seemed perfect for each other. If she were a man and if there Jared weren’t in the picture, we could be the dream couple. While the silence usually didn’t bother me, I was trying to build up the courage to ask Amy a question that had been bothering me for days. Now that she knew about my voyeuristic tendencies, I didn’t even have to make up a silly reason for why I was interested in the topic. I just wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Every girl that I'd seen in Adrian's bedroom had been shaved completely. There hadn’t been a single hair. And I was starting to wonder if this was normal, if all girls that had sex on a regular basis were shaved. My hair style down
below was rather natural and I began to worry that this wasn't what men preferred. It couldn't really be a coincidence that every girl that Adrian had banged so far had been bare, could it? So either he asked every woman he met if she was shaved – which I doubted very much. Most women didn’t take it kindly if a guy asked them about their private parts – which I knew from personal experience. Some men at work lost every sense of propriety after their third beer. It was one of the most awkward topics. But if Adrian didn't ask them, this could only mean that the majority of women were shaved, and that would mean that my haircut wasn't normal. I was starting to have a headache from the topic. I'd never thought that I would have to worry about a haircut for the “Netherlands”. What a mess. Maybe I should give up on guys and dating and sex for good, and look into becoming a nun. “So Amy,” I began, twisting the cup in my hands. “What do you think about shaving...” Amy lifted her gaze from the magazine and frowned at me in confusion. “Umm...I mean...down there, you know,” I murmured, nodding toward my lap and feeling my face heat in embarrassment. Amy shook her head with a smile. “Waxing is the magic word. Not shaving. That’s so yesterday’s news. I mean with all the hard stubbles peeking out after a day.”
I blinked. “Waxing?” “Yes, I know a good waxing studio. I'm going there quite often to get a waxing. They are amazing. A huge percentage of their clients are men, gay men, and if that isn’t a sign, then I don’t know what is. Or course, there are straight men getting a waxing too, swimmers and runners who think smooth legs and arms make them faster, and…” I could tell that she wouldn’t stop talking any time soon. Whenever a topic was important to her, she could go on about it for hours. I just hadn’t known that something like waxing was on that list. Veganism, fairtrade, interior design and yoga, those I could understand, but waxing? I coughed. “So you're waxed. Completely?” I tried not to let a picture of Amy’s vagina pop up in my head and almost broke into a sweat from the effort. She laughed again and looked at me like I was the cutest little thing she’d ever seen. I had to admit that it made me feel really dumb. “Yes. Jared loves it. Have you never done it?” I bit my lip nervously. “No. There was never the need for me to...since I never really had a long-term relationship…” “Nothing is better than waxing. No hair is a must, really. And you don’t have to be in a relationship to take care of yourself. I think we women should do more things for ourselves,” she said with a grin. When I thought of things I could do for myself, ripping my hair out, root and all, somehow didn’t cross my mind. I’d always filed that under torture and not so much wellness.
“At first I always got the Brazilian Landing strip, but then I decided to get the Brazilian Hollywood Cut, and Jared positively adores it. Nothing is more perturbing than having hair in your mouth all the time.” I stared at her with wide eyes, not having the slightest clue what she'd just talked about. “Brazilian what?” I was either the dumbest person on the planet, or Amy was simply weird. So far I’d associated Brazil with carnival, the Copacabana and the Amazon. She giggled, definitely amused by my cluelessness. “I guess we need to deal with the basics first.” She sat up straighter and folded her hands. “Landing strip means that a thin strip of pubic hair remains. Hollywood Cut means that every single hair gets removed. There's also the option of having a Brazilian Triangle, but I've never had it.” My face felt like it was burning up but I couldn't take my eyes from Amy. She didn't seem embarrassed at all by the topic. She talked about it as though it was the most normal thing in the world, but maybe it was, and I was just a freak. “So men like it?” Amy nodded her head vehemently. “Most men don't like their women all bushy.” She paused, scrutinizing me. “I've got an idea. It's Saturday and we both don't have anything better to do. So why don't we go to my favorite waxing studio and get a waxing. I'm due anyway.” I swallowed, a bit nervous but also very excited. “Sure, why not.”
I yelped in surprise when Amy grabbed my thigh and pushed my trouser leg up. She took a look at my calf and ran a hand over it. I blushed furiously, knowing that I hadn't gotten around to shaving for a few days. Could my mortification get any worse? Amy tilted her head in contemplation. “I’m not sure if your hair is long enough. We’ll have to ask if we can have your legs waxed as well.” I nodded numbly, gulping down the rest of my coffee. Amy jumped up from her chair, startling Bruno who'd been sleeping on his back, snoring loudly. He rolled onto his stomach and watched us. I stood and patted his head in apology. “Come on, Nora. Let's go. The sooner we get rid of your body hair, the better,” Amy shouted loud enough for probably the entire neighborhood to hear. My face was as red as a tomato as I followed Amy out of my apartment and down the stairs toward her Mini Cooper. Amy was a fast driver, even worse than most Cab drivers, and a few times I actually feared for my life but luckily we arrived safely at our destination. The waxing studio Amy led me into was held in white and light green tones and there were bright orange sofas and armchairs everywhere. The woman behind the counter recognized Amy immediately and greeted us very friendly, which probably should have set me at ease. She was even taller than me and had a waist to kill for. Her blond hair was pulled back in a tidy ponytail. Despite her smile, I was a bit intimidated. This
place looked expensive, and even Amy’s words couldn’t get me excited about spending a little fortune on someone torturing me. “So what can I do for you and your friend?” the woman asked. Amy smiled. “Armpits, Legs, Brazilian Hollywood Cut,” the words shot out of her mouth without hesitation and I didn't dare to object, though I wondered if the Hollywood Cut was the right thing for me. Maybe I should start small, with a Triangle or something like that. Then an image of Adrian with his women shot through my head and I decided that I could do it. I’d survived two years in Jack’s bar. How bad could this really be? A woman who looked to be in her late twenties with curly, brown hair introduced herself as Marie, my Depiladora. Apparently, that was the correct term for someone who removed people's hair. There was so much I needed to learn. The word sounded glamorous. Maybe I should consider changing jobs. But the thought of ripping someone’s hair from their lady parts somehow sounded even worse than serving beer to drunk assholes. Oh well… Amy waved me good bye as she was led into a room, and I followed Marie into another small room where I had to undress and lie down on a orange lounger. Marie smiled at me while she put something that looked like honey on my calf. It was warm and felt quite nice. “This will hurt a little,” my Depiladora warned me. I prepared myself for the pain, or so I'd thought, and nearly
passed out when Marie ripped the wax from my calf. I might have screamed, I wasn't sure, but little stars were dancing in front of my eyes. Marie smiled at me and showed me the wax with my hair. I tried to smile in return but it turned into a grimace. Why did people do this on a regular basis? Were all those people masochists? Amy didn't seem to me like she enjoyed pain, but how could she do this over and over again? I felt more wax being put on my calf and I was about to protest when I thought of Adrian and all his stupid bimbos that could do this. I bit down on my lip and didn't make a noise when the hair was ripped from my calf. I hope you’ll reward me, Adrian. “It will get less painful if you get a waxing regularly. The hair gets thinner and soon you won't feel the pain anymore,” Marie assured me while she worked on my thighs. Maybe she was right. “We need to crop your pubic hair a bit before we can start. It's too long for waxing,” she explained when she was done with my legs and I felt myself blush deeply. Now it was official, I was a freak. My hair was even too long for waxing. Nora, the bushy freak. I tried to think of anything but the woman who was currently cropping my hair down there with scissors. “Done,” she said after a moment. “Now you can get your Hollywood Cut.” My bravery evaporated when I felt the warm wax being spread on my cubic bone. I stared at the ceiling, trying to
think of Adrian, and then my vision turned black for an instant. I sat up, my eyes wide while I tried to get over the pain. I drew in a shaky breath and stared at my pubic area where a strip of hair was missing. My skin was turning red fast. That had hurt like hell. But I had to admit that it looked good without hair, or it would look good once the redness went away. Marie made fast work of the hair on my pubic bone but then she turned her attention to my labia and I cursed Amy, and all men, but particularly Adrian. “Turn around, please,” Marie said when she was done with my front. I followed her orders. She'd already removed the hair from the back of my legs, so I didn't know what she was doing there. I almost screamed in shock when I felt her spread the wax on my buttocks and the groove between my thighs and buttocks. I didn't even know that I had hair there. I closed my eyes and endured the rest of the torture. A sigh of relief left my lips when Marie told me that we were done. She spread a cooling cream that smelled like lavender on my skin and the pain lessened. With a smile, she left the room to give me some privacy, so I could get dressed. But really what was the point? She’d seen it all. The muscles in my legs were quivering when I got dressed. The last time I’d felt like that, Amy had talked me into running a 5k with her. I wasn’t sure what was worse. I walked out of the room and Amy was already waiting for me, her perfectly waxed legs crossed and another foodie
magazine in her hands. It wasn’t all that surprising that her waxing hadn’t taken as long as my treatment. Her Depiladora probably hadn’t wished for a lawnmower when Amy had pulled down her panties. Nora, the bush freak. Maybe I should get it on a t-shirt. Who knew, maybe the guys in the bar would stop patting my ass if I wore it, or maybe some would be turned on by it. She smiled sympathetically when she saw my face. I guess I didn't look too good. “Painful?” she asked. She put down her magazine and walked over to me. I nodded my head, still marveling at the feeling of my underwear without hair down there. It felt strange. “It will get better,” Amy assured me. “And new experiences make life interesting.” I shook my head. “I don't think I'll do it again.” “Of course, you will. Once you know how smooth your skin can feel, you won't want it any other way,” she said. *** Later that day, when I was alone in my bedroom, I realized that Amy was probably right. I guess waxing was like giving birth. During labor, women swore to themselves that this was their last child and as soon as the pain was forgotten and they saw the reward for their efforts, those words were null and void. I couldn't stop looking at myself and I almost felt like a pervert for staring at my private parts for so long, but I couldn't help it. I was completely bare and now that the redness had faded it looked fantastic. Hesitantly, I ran a
finger over my vulva, amazed by the softness of the skin. Now I understood why Adrian liked it. It felt amazing. The only problem was that Adrian would probably never feel or see it. I groaned. The thought that all the pain was for nothing made me unreasonably angry. I took another look at my reflection in the mirror and frowned. Somehow my labia looked strange. Did all women look like this down there when they were waxed? I'd never paid close attention to other women’s nether parts in the changing room. I couldn't help but feel self-conscious about how I looked down there. Did men really like the sight of it? Hard to imagine. I guess sex only in the dark for me. Bruno sat next to me, staring at me intently. He looked as if he approved of my new haircut. I covered my private parts with my hand and glared at him. His little pink tongue dropped out of his mouth and he started panting. I let out a frustrated sigh and got dressed hastily. I ignored Bruno and walked toward my bedroom window. After extinguishing the lights, I drew back the curtains and took my usual seat on the windowsill. I peered through my binoculars and found Adrian's window within seconds. It was illuminated, but I hadn't expected anything else. Another redhead was pressing her body against Adrian, thrusting her tongue into his mouth. He was already shirtless and a soft sigh left my lips as I gazed at his perfect chest. I didn't approve of his changing sex partners but I tried not to think about it. Not that it was any of my business.
The women probably knew what they were getting into and as long as I got to see him naked, I was satisfied. Adrian unzipped the dress of the redhead and it dropped to the ground, leaving her completely naked. She wasn't even wearing underwear! Where did Adrian get his women? I never went anywhere without underwear. That felt wrong. Almost perverted. But who was I to call someone a pervert? I was a waxed peeping Tom with strange looking labia. I certainly didn't have the right to judge anyone. I returned my attention to the scene in Adrian's bedroom. He'd gotten naked during my inner monologue and had the women bent over and bracing herself on the windowsill. Her forehead was leaning against the glass of the window and Adrian was standing behind her. I had to admit I was a bit worried. If Adrian pounded her with his usual vigor, the poor woman would probably end up with a concussion from having her forehead thrust against the glass. The redhead didn’t seem to share my worries, though. She looked as if she couldn't wait for Adrian to push into her. I shifted my binoculars slightly to take a look at Adrian's face. And then I was staring directly into green eyes and he was staring back at me. He. Was. Staring. Back. At. ME. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. There wasn't a single doubt in my mind that Adrian was currently looking at me while I was watching him like a freaking stalker. Oh shit, shit, shit.
I should have been more careful. He had noticed me! I froze and for a seemingly endless amount of time, we were just looking at each other. The woman didn’t seem to notice. She wiggled her ass against him, encouraging him to get started. Suddenly the corner of Adrian’s mouth lifted and he smiled at me smugly. What? My heart skipped a beat. Holy shit! Was he actually flirting with me? My hand that was holding the binoculars shook so much, I was worried I'd drop them any second. Not taking his eyes off me and still smiling this cocky smile, he grabbed the hips of the redhead and pushed into her, never taking his eyes off me. I gasped and my hand covered my mouth in shock. He'd noticed me and yet he didn't stop. He seemed to like it. His green eyes were so intense as his face clouded with ecstasy. I backed away, wrenched the curtains shut, dropped the binoculars and threw myself on my bed. My heart felt like it was going to burst through my ribcage. Every thud reverberated in my temples. He'd noticed me. I was so screwed, and not in a good way… I could only hope that he hadn't seen my face because the binoculars and my hands had covered it. I let out a groan and rolled over on my stomach. This day had turned into a nightmare. Even if he hadn't seen my face, he knew where I lived and could come over here or even send the police.
I felt slightly sick. There was only one solution. I would just have to move out of my apartment and probably out of town.
Yeah, right.
Chapter Seven I didn't sleep at all that night. I dreamed of green eyes and cocky smiles, and while usually such a dream would have been pleasant and sometimes even pleasurable, this time those images haunted me in a nightmare. I got three hours of sleep tops, and even they had been tainted by my worries. Even Bruno had had enough of my restlessness and had left the bed to sleep somewhere else. That was the first time in weeks that he hadn't slept next to me on the mattress and I felt slightly betrayed. I felt like shit when I got out of bed that morning and it must have shown plainly because Amy’s bright smile faltered as soon as she saw me. “Nora, what's wrong?” she asked immediately, and I replied in an unintelligent grunt. My feet dragging over the ground, I walked toward the kitchen corner and slumped down on one of the chairs. Amy started preparing coffee, throwing glances my way the entire time. I tried counting the myriad of sunflowers printed on her dress. “Okay, Nora if you don't tell me what's wrong right about now, I'll have to force the words out of you,” Amy said as she put a cup of coffee on the table in front of me. What did she want to do? Wax my head? Letting out a strangled sigh, I wrapped my fingers around the cup and looked at Amy. “He knows.”
Amy blinked at me, obviously clueless what I was talking about. She raised her dark eyebrows, waiting for a further explanation. I closed my eyes briefly and drew in a deep breath. “Adrian, he saw me watching him having sex last night.” “Oh my god! And?” Amy asked , her eyes filled with excitement. She even put down her cup, too excited to hold it without spilling coffee. I frowned at her. “And what?” Amy rolled her eyes. “How did he react?” “He stared at me and then he smiled, and...” I trailed off. “And?” Amy looked like she was going to burst from curiosity any moment. “And then he started banging the woman right in front of the window, staring at me.” Amy let out a squeal and took a deep gulp of her coffee. My eyebrows climbed up my forehead. I'd been caught, that certainly warranted compassion and not excitement. Whenever I thought I’d figured out Amy, she surprised me again. “Amy what am I supposed to do? Maybe I should move out. Now that he knows what I've done, I can’t keep living here. What if I meet him by accident? I can’t possibly face him after what I’ve done.” “Nora, don't be stupid. Stop worrying so much. Apparently, Adrian is some kind of exhibitionist and enjoys being watched, or why else would someone do it in plain view?
He could have drawn his curtains if he didn't want to be seen. It probably turned him on. He’ll probably thank you, if he ever sees you in person.” I thought about that for a moment. It sounded logical – well not the “thanking me” part, but that he liked being watched, and it would be perfect. But it was too easy. Things never were so easy for me. My bad luck was legendary. “What if he's called the police?” Amy actually had the audacity to laugh at that. “Oh, Nora, don't be so naïve. He won't call the police. He's probably quite keen on meeting you. Maybe he wanted you to join him and his lady friend. He seems like a guy who’d enjoy a threesome.” My eyes widened in horror. What if he would try to talk to me? I had to prevent that. I'd certainly die of embarrassment if he spoke to me about my voyeurism. The bell rang and my entire body froze. Bruno was already on his way to the door, yelping excitedly. Maybe my pug would finally prove to be the protector that Dad had hoped for. Maybe Bruno would sink his little teeth into Adrian's calf and frighten him away. Amy walked to get the door and I wondered if it would be childish of me to hide beneath the kitchen table. A male voice reached my ears and a moment later Jared appeared in my apartment, his dark hair disheveled. He wore nothing but pajama bottoms, showing off his hairless, lean chest. I felt my face heat and averted my eyes hastily. “Hey Jared,” I said, staring intently at the coffee in my cup.
Amy pressed herself against his side, and he grinned. “I woke up and my girlfriend was gone and I thought I should get her back.” I smiled at him. “I'm sorry for taking her from you.” He shook his head. “How long have you been chatting? It's nine on a Sunday morning. Shouldn't you still be sleeping?” I exchanged a smile with Amy. “You should know that Amy can't stay still for long. If she could, she probably wouldn't sleep at all.” Amy poked her tongue out at me and Jared kissed her temple, chuckling. I felt a pang of jealousy when I watched them. They looked so happy and in love. “So will you come with me?” Jared asked, his eyes practically burning into Amy. She gave me an apologetic look. “Go,” I said. It was quite obvious what Jared had in mind for Amy once they were back in their apartment. I watched them leave, their arms wrapped around each other. The door closed with a groan. I sat at my table with only Bruno for company. I’d give anything, absolutely anything, to have what Amy and Jared shared. Briefly, I considered returning to bed and sleeping away my free day, but Bruno nudged my shin, reminding me of his needs. Even if I wanted nothing more than to stay in the apartment to avoid meeting Adrian, Bruno needed to pee and he refused to consider using the toilet. Next time I got a puppy, I’d toilet train him. Resigned, I got dressed and grabbed Bruno. He wriggled
in my arms as I straightened with him. Sometimes I wondered if he was scared of heights. I headed outside, for once using the staircase. Amy always urged me to make time for working out. Mission accomplished. The hood of my sweater was pulled over my head and sunglasses were covering my eyes to hide my identity as I crossed the narrow lawn. I felt like a criminal. Maybe the neighbors would think I was a burglar and call the police. Oh, that would be the icing on the cake! As usual Bruno took his time sniffing every frigging inch of the lawn and I just wanted to get away. He always found the perfect timing… My heart stopped beating for a second when I saw the subject of my dreams and very recently nightmares walking out of the neighbor house. It looked as if he was taking his garbage out. What an ordinary task. I wrenched at Bruno's leash but he didn't let me deter him from his sniffing mission. Why did he do this to me? And then, as my bad luck would have it, Adrian looked my way and he must have recognized me even though I was hidden so well by my clothes. He halted in his tracks and a smirk curled his lips. And then he started walking my way with a triumphant, arrogant, devilishly sexy smirk on his face and I knew he was going to talk to me about my voyeurism. His blond hair was slightly disheveled as if he hadn’t brushed if after his sexual adventures. No way. I bent down and grabbed Bruno, ignoring his yelps of protest, and squeezed him under my arm. Then I whirled
around and walked away. Well, ran away as fast as my feet could carry me without actually running. I didn't look back to see if Adrian was following me but I hoped desperately that he wasn't. Maybe there was some kindheartedness in him and he would forget that I was a perverted peeping Tom. My heart was practically bursting my ribcage when I finally arrived in my apartment and closed the door behind me. I locked it twice and then backed away from it. Bruno gave me odd looks but I ignored him. It was his fault that I had almost been caught by Adrian. It was childish of me to hide but I couldn't face him. Ever. I guess that was something I’d inherited from my father. He was a huge conflict-avoider as well. After a moment of hesitation, I rushed over to my living room window, knelt on the sill and looked for a sign of him. But he wasn't outside. So either he'd returned to his apartment, or he'd knock at my door any second. I felt like I was going to be sick. *** I'd evaded Adrian yesterday but today I needed to go to work. I chose to carry Bruno to his favorite place on the lawn because it was faster that way and put him down. I tapped my foot impatiently while he sniffed the ground. I really didn't have time for this. I wasn't late for work but the risk was too high that I'd meet Adrian. In a few days, when Adrian had forgotten all about the incident, I could start acting like a sane person again.
“Come on, Bruno,” I urged but he didn't let me distract him. He wagged his stubby tail once, then pushed his nose down into a particularly interesting patch of grass. Pugs were so stubborn. The click of a door carried over to where I stood and my head whirled around. There he was again. He was following me, I was sure about it. I stared at him for a moment. He looked gorgeous in his black suit with the light blue tie. And his hair. I wanted to run my hands through it. I looked at his face and the smile there tore me from my daydreams. He didn’t seem angry, but something about him reminded me of a predator. He was a man on a mission. Why did I suddenly feel like his prey? Just like yesterday, I grabbed Bruno. This time, however, I tried to make it look casual and didn’t quicken my pace. I wouldn’t give him reason to suspect I was actually running from him. As soon as I reached my vespa, I put Bruno into his basket and swung myself on the seat. From the corner of my eye, I could see Adrian still staring at me. He hadn’t followed me, as if he was sure he’d catch me another day. I started the engine, then I drove off at full speed without a look in the mirror. I didn't want to see him still watching me. This situation was so very embarrassing and if it wasn't for Amy, I would have returned to my hometown by now. It wasn’t as if New York had been kind to me so far. But Amy was the best friend I've ever had and I didn't want to lose her. And I wasn’t a coward – even if recent events might hint to the opposite conclusion. I wouldn’t give up my dream
of being a successful writer in New York because of a guy that had nothing better to do than banging a girl in front of his window. I could barely concentrate on my work that day – not that it took a huge amount of skill to serve beer to rude customers, but my patience was almost non-existent and it wasn’t helping that I had been forced to take Bruno to work with me because Amy and Jared were busy all day. I could hear him barking in Jack’s office half of the evening. To make matters worse, I managed to drop two glasses, one of them filled to the brim with beer. It took me a while to mop up the mess. Luckily, Jack wasn’t in the bar – he seldom was these days. He spent most of the time in the Caribbean with his young girlfriend doing god-knows what. Leon only gave me a kind smile when I mixed up orders and nearly dropped my third glass of the evening. He was probably the most patient guy in the world. Mona leaned against the bar next to me. “Are you okay? You seem a bit out of it today.” That was an understatement. But I couldn't tell her. Amy accepted my strangeness but I doubted that other people would be as understanding. It was, after all, more than a little weird to spend your evening watching a stranger bang another stranger. I assured her that I was alright, just a bit tired and she accepted my explanation, though I could tell that she didn't believe me. Was I that obvious? I was utterly exhausted when I pulled into the small parking
lot in front of my apartment building that evening. I looked around myself before I got off my scooter, almost expecting Adrian to wait for me. But this late at night he was probably already giving out his panty-dropping smiles to lure the next woman into his bedroom. When I saw that I was alone, I grabbed Bruno and rushed into the building and upstairs into my apartment. I took a quick shower – I really couldn’t afford more – and got into my pajamas. All the worries and anxiety were taking a toll on me. Barefooted I walked toward my bedroom window and grabbed the curtains to pull them shut. I froze and my eyes widened in shock at what I saw. Adrian was standing in his window. His arms were crossed in front of his chest and he was smiling his cocky smile at me. He was fully dressed for once – a white shirt hugging his body and dark pants – and there wasn't a woman in his bedroom. I didn't know what to do. A part of me wanted to hide. Forever. But another part wanted to go over to his apartment and be the woman in his bedroom tonight. And then? A little voice taunted. He'd kick you out
afterward and you'd be nothing but another one of his conquests. He’ll forget you in no time, and you? You will feel like shit. Do you want that? No. Yes. I didn’t know. I wanted him. But I wanted more than just sex. I knew it was naïve and stupid of me. I didn't even know him.
I frowned, angry at myself for my stupid dreams. He still hadn’t taken his eyes off me and his smile seemed to be getting wider with every second I spent standing in the window like an idiot. With a jerk I pulled the curtains shut. I needed to stop thinking of him. It would only get me hurt. *** The next morning I was even more tired than the day before. When would I ever get a full night of sleep again? If I kept it up, Jack would fire my lazy ass. I kept my tired gaze on the floor, Bruno's leash in my right hand, as I scuffled after him. I wanted to head out to the park to write later, but right now I was too tired to even think straight, much less write coherent sentences. Not the best condition to write a literary masterpiece. Although, when you read the rejections from publishers and agents that I’d gotten so far, my writing was useless drivel even if I was wide awake. The next literary masterpiece probably didn’t lie in my future either way. Sobered by that depressing thought, I decided to make a detour to my favorite Starbucks as a pick-me-up. I was broke but I really needed something to brighten my day. I halted when black trouser legs came into my field of vision. Slowly my eyes drifted upwards but then froze somewhere around the hips. I knew that body, even in its dressed state. My breath caught in my throat and I was sure I'd have a heart attack any moment. It probably would have made things easier for me. I didn't need to see the face to know to whom these legs, these hips, this body belonged:
Adrian Black.
Chapter Eight I lifted my gaze ever so slightly, so that it was focused on his chest. He was wearing another suit, black with pinstripes, a white shirt and a burgundy tie. I felt myself blush when I realized that the moment I'd dreaded had finally come. I was busted. My fingers around Bruno’s leash tightened painfully. I was glad for the hood that kept my blush hidden from his view. From the corner of my eye, I saw his familiar cocky smile – his default modus seemed to be cocky – and my face heated even more. I glanced down at Bruno who was busy scratching at a spot in the grass and I wondered briefly if I should just run. Adrian looked fit, and I hadn’t seen a gym in months, so he would probably catch up with me before I’d even rounded the corner. And it would take too much time to bend down and grab Bruno anyway. Maybe I should just leave him here. He was sniffing the ground and wouldn't even notice that I was gone. I could pick him up later – after Adrian was gone. Unless he took Bruno with him. As ransom. Hysterical laughter worked its way up my throat but I swallowed it. I would not lose my shit in front of Adrian. “Good morning,” Adrian greeted me and it was the first time I heard his voice, and it was heavenly. Soft and manly, and deliciously sexy.
Everything in my body screamed at me to look up into his face, see the expression there, but my cheeks were already burning up as it was. Fuck, why did I have to be such an idiot? I should have never started spying on Adrian having sex. “Won't you look at me?” he asked, amusement obvious in his voice. I took a deep breath and raised my head to meet his gaze. My hood fell back and revealed my deep blush for the whole world to see. This close up a question I’d asked myself dozens of times was finally answered. He really had green eyes. Not a brownish-green either; no, his eyes were almost the color of fresh grass. He was clean shaven and his blond hair fell in soft waves around his face. It wasn’t exactly long but a few strands touched his pronounced cheekbones. I wanted to reach out and ran my hands through them to find out if they were as silky as they looked. Something about him seemed familiar, but I couldn’t pinpoint why. I shifted when I realized how long I must have been staring at his face, but he wasn’t exactly talking or moving either. He stared at me with wide eyes, his mouth slightly agape, and I was starting to worry that there was something on my face. This wasn't the reaction that I'd expected. Casually, I lifted a hand and felt the corner of my lips for remains of food, but there was nothing. I didn’t dare touch my nose to see if I had a bogey. If that was the case, I could only hope God would strike me dead right this moment.
He looked as if he had some sort of epiphany and I wished I could take a peek into his head to find out what exactly he was thinking. Of course, his distraction would be the perfect opportunity for an escape. In his current state, he probably wouldn't manage to follow me. Unfortunately, he used this moment to snap out of his stupor and looked at me in bewilderment. There was tension in his shoulders, as if he was an animal preparing to pounce. “You?” he said, and if I wasn't wrong he sounded almost elated. I frowned, wondering if I was imagining things. Did he know me? I'd never seen him before I started spying on his bedroom window. Or maybe he just realized now that I was the voyeur? But he didn't look angry. Not at all. I was starting to think that I wasn’t the only crazy person around. His gaze focused on my lips and he swallowed, his eyes darkening ever so slightly with an emotion I couldn't quite place. His eyes were so intense. No one had ever looked at me like that – like he wanted to devour me. Most people in the bar never even looked at my face. They were too busy slapping my ass or drowning their sorrows in beer. But the elation slipped from his face and his green eyes narrowed. “Did she set you up to this?” His voice was hard and cold as if a switch had been turned. That voice gave me a whole different sort of chills. Okay, I was confused. “Did who set me up to what?” “Don’t play dumb.”
Anger surged through me. “Excuse me?” We stared at each other for what felt like forever, then the suspicion disappeared from his face. Whatever he’d seen in my expression must have made it pretty obvious that I had absolutely no clue what the hell he was going on about. He shook his head and gave me a smile. “I’m sorry. I--” His eyes searched my face again. “Never mind.” I waited for him to say more, to mention the window incident but he seemed perfectly content watching me. I tugged at Bruno’s leash and took a step back. “I have to get going. I’m late.” I wasn’t actually late for anything, but he didn’t need to know that. “Wait,” he said quickly and with a certain amount of authority that only someone who was used to ordering people around could possess. I hesitated. I really wanted to get away from him. Well, my brain wanted to get away. My body was a very different matter. I raised my eyebrows, not trusting my voice. “Let me make it up to you.” I blinked at him. Wasn’t I the one who should make it up to him? Very inappropriate images of Adrian and I naked on his bed shot through my head and I was almost sure he knew exactly what I was thinking about. His smile widened. “I was rude. I really want to make it up to you.” His voice was like silk; it held the promise of pleasure and adventure. I wondered if he used that tone often.
Panties probably dropped left and right whenever he did. And he certainly knew how to take advantage of it. I took another step back from him. This was dangerous and I didn’t mean the weirdo, stalker, serial killer, he will kill you when you sleep dangerous. I meant the ‘if you don’t put a stop to it, you’ll have your heart broken’ dangerous. Adrian was so out of my league. I hadn’t even reached third base yet, and Adrian probably had more home runs than Babe Ruth. Oh god, I really had to stop listening to my dad talking baseball. I was going to die a virgin, probably smothered by the stack of unpublished manuscripts in my tiny apartment. “Go out with me.” It was an order. I wasn’t very experienced in the whole dating area but I was pretty sure you asked someone to go out with you and didn’t tell them to. “I don’t--” “I can’t accept a no,” he said smoothly. Well, tough luck, douche. I wasn’t going to become another one of his conquests. “I really need to go,” I said quickly before I spun around and hurried away. I allowed myself a glance over my shoulder when I’d almost reached the front door. Adrian was still watching me – like a lion would watch a gazelle. His stance was relaxed, sure of himself, that cocky smile plastered on his handsome face. I didn’t need to read his mind to know exactly what he was thinking: You just wait, you’ll say yes eventually. And worst of all, I was pretty sure he’d be right. ***
As the day wore on, my confusion slowly turned to anger. I was clutching the handles of my scooter so tightly that I was worried I'd break them. I couldn't believe what had happened this morning. First he’d yelled at me and then he expected me to go out with him. The audacity of him! Arrogant bastard! And he hadn’t even asked. He’d just assumed that I would go on a date with him. Maybe he’d thought he was doing me a favor by gracing me with his presence. Asshole. I'd never been this angry before, but I was also confused, and I was very confused by my confusion. There was also a bit of regret in the mix, and that frustrated and confused me even more. There wasn't any reason for me to regret not having agreed to go on a date with him. It was mere self-preservation. Not a single reason for regret. Nope. Except for the fact that I couldn't stop thinking of him, and the fact that his cocky grin made me wet my panties, and the fact that his hair looked good enough to kill for, and the fact that I wanted to run my hands over his muscled chest, and the fact that I wanted him so very badly... “Fuck.” Bruno tilted his little head to the side and looked at me curiously from his spot in the basket. I groaned. I was losing my mind. If I totaled my scooter because I was talking to myself, my father would kill me. And I’d have to rely on public transportation. I pulled up in front of the bar and took a few breaths to calm
myself. It didn't really want to work. I was a mess but if I didn’t get a pay check soon I’d have to sell a kidney, or return home with my tail between my legs and admit to my parents that my dream was just that. A dream. I’d rather sell my kidney and any other parts of my body that were of value than admit to my parents that they’d been right. I grabbed Bruno and carried him into the shabby bar building with its faded paint. Mona patted Bruno’s head in passing and gave me a curious glance. I guess it was very obvious from my expression that I didn't have the best of days. My life was slowly turning into a nightmare. I forced a smile on my face, though I wasn't sure how convincing it was. But smiles were required if I wanted to get tips. The bar was still quiet and empty – how I liked it best, but I knew that would change soon. Leon was behind the counter, wiping the glass bottles that tended to get sticky. I did a double take when I realized Leon had cut off his hair. I walked up to him, set Bruno down and then gaped at Leon’s haircut. As long as I’d known him, he’d always worn it long. I reached out and touched his hair. It was mussed up with styling gel. “Wow,” I breathed. “You didn’t tell me you planned to cut off your hair.” Then I realized how stupid that sounded. Leon was my co-worker and maybe friend. He had no reason to involve me in his personal decisions. He smiled and shrugged. “It was a spur of the moment kind of thing.” “It looks good,” I said. I wasn’t into guys with long hair but now with his black hair cut short I decided Leon looked
good. Female customers had always fawned over him and now I could see why. I wiggled out of my long coat, embarrassed by my thoughts. The thing with Adrian had muddled my brain. “The boss man is here,” Leon murmured. “Don’t let him see Bruno.” “Fuck,” I whispered. I had to come up with a way to hide Bruno from him. I was on strict orders not to take him to work with me. Everything because of a tiny incident that involved Bruno and a couple doing it in the men’s restroom. “Yep,” Leon said with a smile. “He won’t be happy to see your dog.” “Well, if he’d pay me more, I could maybe afford a dog sitter.” “What about your friend Amy?” “She’s busy this week.” Leon leaned close to me, wiping the surface of the bar. “I could hide him under the bar. If he stays silent.” I shook my head. “Bruno is never silent.” Leon would probably trip over him and break his leg. The door of Jack’s office opened and he stepped out. As usual he was dressed in a Versace shirt and khakis. His big belly strained against the silk of his shirt. Bruno let out a bark and Jack’s narrowed eyes zoomed in on him. “What’s that thing doing here?” “I have no one to look after him. It’s a one time thing, I swear.”
I hoped nobody had mentioned to him that I’d taken Bruno with me all week. From the corner of my eye, I saw Leon winking at me. Jack narrowed his already small eyes. “I don’t want dogs in my bar, especially not that one. Get him out of my sight.” “Just this once,” I half pleaded. I didn’t know what else to do. If he said no, I’d have to cancel my shift for the evening and I was pretty sure that Jack would kick me out if I did. He muttered something I couldn’t hear, then he said. “Only this once. But lock him into the staff restroom. I don’t want to see him attacking guests again.” I didn’t mention that Bruno hadn’t exactly attacked the couple. Their grunting and groaning had probably just excited him and he’d jumped at the guy, who’d dipped forward. Unfortunately that had propelled his girlfriend’s hands into the toilet bowl. Needless to say there had been lots of screeching. It hadn’t exactly helped that in a wave of inexplicable snark I’d said that the toilets weren’t a place for fucking. I still wasn’t sure what had gotten into me that night. Probably one too many puppet comments from drunk customers. Without another word Jack returned into his office – if you could call it that; it was more like an extended storage room. “He must be in a good mood,” Leon said. I nodded absentmindedly. With a quick smile in his direction, I led Bruno toward the staff toilet and shut the door. At once, he started scratching and yapping. Sighing, I returned to the
bar. I plopped down on a bar stool and buried my face in my palms. “Could you turn on the music so I won’t have to hear Bruno barking?” Mona took a seat beside me. “You look like something’s bothering you.” “My life is a bit...stressful right now,” I murmured hesitantly. And that was a big understatement. Leon cleared his throat. “If you need someone to talk to, you know where you can find me.” “Or if you need a woman’s advice…” Mona trailed off. I thanked them and told them that I might take them up on that offer some day, but I knew that my problems were a bit too extravagant to talk about. Only Amy could help now. It still felt surreal that Adrian Black had asked me to go on a date with him. Why the hell had he done that? Maybe he was just trying to humiliate me. There really wasn't any other explanation for it. I wasn't as beautiful as the women he usually spend his nights with and I wasn't experienced, but he didn't know that of course and it was probably better if it remained that way. Later that day, after work, I didn't return to my apartment but knocked at Amy's door. I didn't know if Jared was already home, but I needed to talk to Amy right now, or I was going to lose my mind. Amy opened the door, dressed in a burgundy silk camisole and what looked like Jared’s boxers. She smiled brightly
when she saw me. “Nora! Home from work?” I nodded and set Bruno down. “Can’t you tell?” I smelled of stale smoke and beer. Bruno walked into Amy's apartment instantly, probably searching for something to eat. Amy’s gaze followed him and she giggled. She thought Bruno's antics were cute. Her laughter, however, stopped when she saw my expression. “Wanna talk?” she asked, stepping back so I could enter. “Desperately,” I half groaned and walked past her into the kitchen of her apartment. Jared wasn't anywhere to be seen and I was quite glad about it, since this conversation classified as girls talk. I plopped down on a kitchen chair and buried my face in my palms. I felt Amy's presence next to me and smelled her vanilla perfume but she waited for me to start speaking. Usually patience wasn't her strength but she seemed to notice that I needed some time to gather my senses. I raised my head from my palms eventually and looked at her. “I met Adrian Black this morning.” Amy's eyes lit up with curiosity and excitement. She lowered herself onto the chair across from me. “So...what did he say? Was he angry? Or did it turn him on? Does he want you to keep watching him?” My head started to hurt but I tried not to snap at Amy, since she was so nice to listen to my pathetic problems. “At first I'd thought he was angry, because he started shouting and
accused me of having been set up by someone. Honestly, I don’t even know what that was about.” Anger still welled up in me when I thought of it. One moment he’d acted like a jerk and the next he was his charming self. Amy was watching me with wide eyes, waiting for me to go on. “But then he asked me on a date,” I finished lamely. Amy let out a gasp. “He didn't! Did he?” “He did.” “Wow,” she breathed out. “Yeah, wow. I mean who shouts at a woman and then asks her on a date? And the bastard didn't even ask me, he just told me the time when he'd pick me up!” It sounded even worse said aloud. I’d been right to say no. Right? “Sounds like he's a sociopath, or maybe he's got a split personality or something like that. Jared told me about it once,” Amy said with a little shrug. “Probably,” I murmured, shaking my head. “Why would he ask me anyway? Who wants to go out with a woman who's been watching him every night? He's probably a freak.” It would be just like me to fall in love with a psychopath. I gasped, causing Amy to look at me worriedly. Fall in love? Holy shit. I had lost my mind. It was official. I didn't even know him and what I knew of him wasn't very nice. He was a man-whore and used woman solely for his own pleasure. God, it was so typical that I fell in love with an asshole. Why
couldn't my life be easy? “I think I’m kind of in love with him.” Amy shook her head and touched my hand. “No, sweety. I don’t think so. What you’re suffering from is lust. I don’t blame you. Adrian Black is hot. An asshole, but a hot asshole. It’s understandable that you want him. But don’t mistake lust for love.” I lowered my eyes, feeling stupid. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I need to get laid.” I snorted at how absurd that sounded. I didn’t just want to have sex. I wanted love and a fairy tale happy ending, but that’s not how life worked. Suddenly, Amy narrowed her eyes at me, her hold on my hand tightening. “You're not planning on going on a date with him, are you?” “Of course not!” I said indignantly, though a small part of me was considering it. And I had a feeling that this part would win in the long run. Amy leaned back, releasing me. “So you said no?” “Yes, I said no, Amy. I'm not stupid.” Or maybe I was. Amy let out a sigh and shook her head with a disbelieving expression. “You're considering it.” I averted my eyes and stared at the table top, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. “And what if I'm considering it? I'm old enough to go out with a guy, ain't I?” I muttered. “I'm not saying you're not, and if sex was all you wanted out of it, I'd say go get it, because I'm sure that Adrian would do the job just fine. But I know that there's more to it for you, Nora.” She rose from her chair and turned on the fancy
coffee maker that took up half of their narrow kitchen counter. “Cappuccino, espresso, latte? “Double espresso,” I said. “Okay.” Amy drew the word out, then began preparing my espresso and her latte in silence. I guessed she was trying to come up with a way to talk me out of my obsession with Adrian. I really hoped she would. She handed me the cute espresso cup with a drawing of the Colosseum on the front and I brought it to my lips. The strong liquid slid down my throat and I felt immediately better. With her cup in hand, she perched on the edge of her seat, elbows propped up on the table. “You want more than sex, right?” I could have told her that I wanted what she and Jared had, but I kept my mouth shut. Even I knew it was ridiculous to hope for something like that. “Oh Nora, you're hoping that he might change his ways for you, don't you?” I shrugged. Maybe deep down I did think that I could change him and that was definitely very stupid of me but I couldn't help it. I wanted him. I wanted to change him. “So you want to lose your virginity to a guy who doesn't give a damn about you? He will forget you as soon as you're out of his sight.” I let out a little sigh. “I didn't say anything about sleeping with him. He just asked me on a date.” Amy looked a bit exasperated. She put her latte down. “You
know what you get if you engage yourself with the likes of Adrian. He wants your body, not more and not less. If you can accept that, then go out with him. I personally wouldn't.” “A date can't hurt,” I whispered. Amy took my hands in hers and squeezed gently. “No, a date can't hurt, but promise me that you won't sleep with him, Nora, unless it's only sex for you. Then it's fine, but if you're feeling something for him and are hoping for more, then don't let him get close to you. You will only get hurt if you do.” “I promise,” I said softly. “I don't even know if he'll ask me again and maybe I won't say yes if he does.” Amy gave me a small smile, clearly not believing me. We both knew that I'd say yes.
Chapter Nine Dragging Bruno behind me, I was shuffling towards my scooter, yawning constantly. I hadn't gotten much sleep those last two days. Why was I kidding? Ever since the thing with Adrian started weeks ago, I’d barely slept more than a few hours at night. My mind was on constant overdrive. I pulled my keys from the pocket in my jeans when my heart nearly stopped. Adrian was waiting beside my scooter, his arms crossed over his chest and an arrogant smirk curling his lips. Usually the sight would have made me wet my panties, but right now seeing him like that made my blood boil. I resisted the urge to stomp towards him and make a scene. Instead I strode toward my scooter and only glared at him. “What are you doing here?” I demanded. His smirk faltered ever so slightly but he didn't move from his spot. He lowered his gaze slowly and I felt bad instantly, worried that I'd hurt his feelings. Any feeling of compassion for this man left me however when I heard his next words. “Why is it that you're always having this ugly dog in tow?” He hadn’t averted his eyes in shame. He’d been checking out poor Bruno. What? I stiffened and my hands balled to fists at my sides as I stared down at Bruno who was watching me with his
beady little eyes. I was glad that he wasn't able to understand what this bastard had said. It wasn’t worth it. I was tired and shouldn’t be standing here talking to Adrian. My resolve to leave without a comment went out the window when I saw his face. He was smiling his stupid grin again, as if he thought his comment had been funny. I wanted to wipe the smile off his face. Amy would probably say anger and sex were inevitably interwoven. Don’t think about sex, I chided myself. “What did you just call my dog?” The smile fell and he frowned, looking at me as if I'd just spoken a foreign language. “I was just...” he began but then shook his head. “Never mind.” I narrowed my eyes. “There's a nice Italian restaurant you should try. I have nothing planned tomorrow evening, so we can go together.” I was rendered speechless by his audacity. He'd done it again. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from lunging at him and ripping his beautiful hair out. Amy was right. He didn't deserve to go out with me. Arrogant bastard. “Listen. I don't know what's wrong with you, but there's definitely something wrong, so maybe you should get some help. You can't tell me to go out with you and just assume I would agree. I've never met such an arrogant, selfabsorbed bastard like you before and I hope I'll never see
you again!” When I was done with my rant, I was out of breath and my face was glowing with a deep blush. I grabbed Bruno, walked past Adrian and put Bruno into his basket. Adrian didn’t take his eyes off me and it was starting to seriously unnerve me, and yet I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if he liked what he saw. Of course, my coat covered up most of my body, so there wasn’t much too see unless he had a foot fetish. I mounted my scooter and my coat parted, revealing my upper thighs. Adrian’s eyes slowly traveled up my legs. I could practically feel his gaze like a butterfly’s touch on my skin. Heat gathered in my stomach at the look on his face. “Stop staring!” I snapped. I quickly started the engine and hit the gas, shooting out of my narrow parking slot. Adrian took a few steps back so I wouldn’t hit him. I sped off before I could do something I would regret. Like kiss him. Or kill him. Both were possible. He was infuriating. I'd never been so rude to someone before, not even to Chris. On my way to the bar I stopped at a store to provide myself with some stress-relieving food. Cookies. I had a short sixhour shift to look forward to, and I knew Adrian’s expression as he stared at my legs would haunt me the entire time. Nobody had ever looked at me like that. It made me feel powerful and desirable. When I pulled up in front of the bar, one packet of cookies was already gone, thanks to Bruno and myself. My beloved
dog was as much of a cookie addict as I. If the police caught me eating cookies while meandering through traffic with my scooter, I’d probably lose my license. But it was either that, or drive back home, find Adrian and do something very regrettable. I stuffed another cookie into my mouth as I hurried into the building, Bruno walking beside me like the well-mannered, cute pug that he was. I waved at Mona and she smiled at me but there was still a hint of worry in her eyes. I tried to ignore it, since I wasn't in the mood to talk about my life, especially Adrian. This man was so infuriating. Sadly he was also infuriatingly sexy. I stifled a groan and another cookie disappeared in my mouth. At the end of my work day, not a single cookie was left. In my frustration about Adrian, I'd eaten three packets of cookies. Now I wasn't only angry and frustrated, but I was also feeling sick. It was really time for the day to be finally over. Bruno pressed against my chest, I hurried up the stairs toward my apartment, almost bumping into Jared in my haste. He steadied me with his hands on my shoulders, preventing me from tumbling down the steps and probably breaking my neck. “Careful,” he said with a grin as I regained my balance. I gave him a grateful smile, feeling myself blush. “Thanks. You just saved Bruno's life, I would have probably crushed him if I'd fallen down the stairs.”
Jared chuckled, shaking his head. “You're thanking me for saving your dog? What about yourself?” I smiled sheepishly and shrugged. I really hadn't thought about it. His eyes darted to my black high heels. “How can you even walk in these things?” “Desperation. My tips would probably drop by half if I wore flats, or anything but a miniskirt.” But now that he’d mentioned my shoes, the pain in my ankles and toes returned with full force. He stared at his watch and his eyes widened a fraction. “I'm running late,” he said more to himself than to me before he gave me an apologetic smile. “Amy should be home any minute now. I’m sure she’d love to have some female company. I’ll be gone until the morning.” I smiled and waved him good-bye as he hurried down the steps, his dark locks disappearing from my view. Maybe I'd pay Amy a visit later. She would certainly want to know about my encounter with Adrian this morning. On the other hand, I should probably go to bed early. It didn’t happen very often that I had an early shift in the bar and was home before ten. I wasn’t sure how much long I could bear working at Jack’s. I ascended the remaining steps and crossed the corridor before unlocking my door. Bruno wiggled in my arms and I set him down. He ran toward the kitchen as if the devil was after him; expecting to be fed as usual. For a moment, I
stood in the doorframe, the yellowish light from the corridors spilling into my small apartment. I considered turning around and leaving New York for good. Maybe I could be happy somewhere else, find a nice guy, get a college degree, become a vet like my dad. I shook my head, pushed the switch and stepped inside. I followed Bruno into the kitchen and gave him some dog food before preparing myself a salad. I'd eaten so many cookies today, more than a salad was out of the question for dinner. If I kept eating dinner so late, I’d probably start gaining weight soon. The silence in my apartment was starting to weigh down on me and I knew I had to do something about it. I grabbed my mobile and dialed my parents’ number, hoping they weren’t already in bed. After a moment my father picked up and his deep voice rang out, sounding drowsy. “Clark.” Guilt shot through me. “Hello dad, did I wake you?” I was happy to hear his voice again. I hadn’t called in too long, from fear of the questions that always came. Do you have a boyfriend? Have you sold a book? A short story? Why don’t you come home? “Nora! And don’t worry, I fell asleep in front of the TV again, so it’s a good thing you woke me. Your mom hates it if I don’t come to bed.” He sounded happy and relieved, and my smile widened. “Has anything happened?” His tone turned worried. “I'm fine, dad. I just wanted to hear your voice,” I said softly, realizing how pathetic that sounded. “So how's it going? Is
mom already asleep?” “Yes, she went to bed a couple of hours ago. She had a glass of red wine with her dinner, and you know it always makes her tired.” I leaned back in the kitchen chair and listened to Dad's story about his fishing trip. Apparently he'd been quite successful and our freezer was stored to the brim with fish. Dad paused and cleared his throat nervously and I knew he had something to say that I wouldn't like. “Chris asked me to send you his greetings and he said...” Dad hesitated and I dreaded what else he had to say. “Well, he said he's missing you.” I groaned and closed my eyes, shaking my head. Why couldn't Chris leave me alone? We'd gone out twice and I was still haunted by nightmares because of it. “I hope you didn't tell him that I miss him, too.” Dad laughed. “No, no. I didn't really know what to say to him. The boy is odd.” I grinned. “He is.” “He isn't bothering you anymore, is he?” “No, dad. You don't need to run him over with your car or anything.” “Tell me if you change your mind.” My grin widened even more and I relaxed further. I told Dad about my newest manuscript and about Amy. I knew better than to mention the bar. It would only lead to an argument and I simply couldn’t stomach that right now.
I also chose to leave out my encounters with Adrian and my habit of spying on him, since I didn't want Dad to freak out. He'd probably suffer from a cardiac arrest if I told him about it, and then Mom would tell me that her worst fears about the 'dangerous' city had come true. Mom and Dad had never been fond of New York and would probably try to talk me into returning home if they found out how bad my situation really was at the moment. I was sad when I ended the call eventually and decided to pay my parents a visit this month. I'd just have to be careful not to meet Chris. Bruno was lying on his back next to my feet, snoring loudly. I patted his tummy gently and he purred like a cat. Sometimes I wondered if Bruno was a dog. I smiled to myself as I rose from the kitchen chair and headed toward my wardrobe. I grabbed sweatpants from the top drawer and walked into my bathroom. I took my time showering before changing into the clothes that I'd taken with me. Bruno was waiting in the bedroom for me, sitting expectantly in front of my window. We'd spent most of the evenings sitting on the windowsill, watching Adrian, and apparently Bruno thought we should continue to do so, but I knew we needed to stop. After what I'd said to Adrian today, I couldn't keep spying on him. That would be kind of hypocritical of me. “I'm sorry, Bruno,” I said as I walked toward him. He waggled his tail, his little pink tongue poking out of his mouth.
I was about to grab the curtains to pull them shut when my eyes flickered toward Adrian's window and the air left my lungs in a whoosh. His window was illuminated and he stood behind it, gazing up toward the night-sky absentmindedly. He was dressed in black trousers and a white shirt, the upper buttons open, revealing his muscled chest. I wanted to run my hands over it and unbutton his shirt completely. I shook my head. Why couldn’t I stop swooning over him? I grabbed the curtains, determined to forget about Adrian, but then he looked in my direction and as soon as he caught sight of me, he held up a sheet of paper. I frowned in confusion. I couldn’t make out the words but he kept the message up. I grabbed my binoculars and directed them at his window, expecting to see an insult on the poster, but I was surprised when I read the words written in bold letters.
Your dog isn't ugly. I stared at the sheet of paper, fighting a smile that was tugging at my lips. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I wanted to be angry at Adrian, but it was impossible when I looked at him. Adrian turned the sheet and revealed more words.
Am I forgiven? He was looking at me expectantly, eyebrows raised, smiling charmingly. I turned my head and looked around in my bedroom for something to write on. I hurried toward my desk and
grabbed a few sheets of paper and a black marker. My heart was pounding in my chest. I took a few calming breaths, then returned to the window and wrote on the paper hastily, my hand trembling a little. I was glad that Adrian was too far away to see how nervous I was. I wrote the word as fat as possible, so it'd be visible even from the neighbor house. I held the paper up. A grin spread on my face when I saw Adrian holding up binoculars to his face. He wiggled them with a teasing smile before lifting them to his eyes. I nervously showed him what I’d written, waiting for him to read it. Suddenly I regretted my choice of clothing. I looked like a slob. I should have worn a sexy negligee or a babydoll. It didn’t take Adrian long to read the one word I’d written: Maybe Adrian cocked his head, grinning slightly. He looked incredibly handsome and his hair was beautifully disheveled. He lowered his head and scribbled on the paper again. My heart pounded even faster. I waited excitedly, curious about his next words. After a moment he lifted the sheet of paper.
Go out with me? At least this time it was posed as a question, though I'd wished for a bit more pleading. I tilted my head to the side and chewed on the back of the marker, thinking about how I should reply. Should I go out with him? Amy would probably say no, but she wasn't seeing him now. He was charming
and cute and absolutely irresistible. And if I was desperate enough to call my parents and visit them, then I really needed some action in my life. Adrian was smiling his crooked grin at me, which made thinking straight quite difficult. I didn't know what to say. I scribbled down a single word on a new sheet. Hm... Adrian read my uncertain reply and started writing after another moment.
Your dog can come too. He grinned at me and winked, causing my heart to skip a beat. I couldn't help but chuckle and rolled my eyes at him, though I wasn't sure if he could see it from the distance.
Say yes? I bit my lip nervously, my eyes scanning his body, how he was leaning against the windowsill. How could he look so relaxed when I felt like I was going to faint any moment? Taking a deep breath, I quickly wrote my reply before I could change my mind. Okay He smiled at me brightly and started scribbling again. I waited excitedly, shifting from one foot to the other.
Tomorrow. 6pm? I bobbed my head up and down simply because I wasn't sure if I could write properly right now. My pulse throbbed in
my veins as if I’d run a marathon, and my cheeks felt so hot, it was a miracle I hadn’t burst into flames yet.
I'll pick you up. I nodded my head again, not able to stop smiling. Stop acting like an idiot, I told myself. I tried a more confident, sexier smile, and hoped it didn’t look like a grimace.
Sleep well. My sleep would definitely be filled with tantalizing dreams… I gave him a shy smile and grabbed the curtains, pulling them shut slowly. I stumbled over to my bed and plopped down on it, letting out a small giggle. Who knew that Adrian could be charming like that? I tilted my head to the side and caught Bruno staring at me like I'd lost my mind. I reached out and patted his head. I couldn't wait to tell Amy about what had just happened. This was better than I could have ever imagined it. I jumped up from my bed and rushed through my apartment toward the entrance door. I ripped it open and hurried toward Amy's apartment before knocking. Soft steps came closer and after a moment the door swung open. Amy, dressed in another one of Jared’s boxershorts and a flimsy pink camisole, stood in the doorway, a steaming cup in her hands. She beamed at me. “Nora,” she said with a smile, then her expression turned into a frown. “Why are you grinning like a maniac?” The smell of freshly roasted coffee beans flooded my nose. “That smells delicious,” I said, suddenly wanting to put off
telling her about what just happened. “Want a cup? I ground too many beans anyway,” Amy said, stepping back so I had room to enter. I slipped past her, feeling like I was going to burst any moment. I followed Amy into her cozy retro kitchen corner but didn’t sit down. I was too fidgety. Amy handed me a cup of coffee, then leaned against the counter, her skinny ankles crossed and expectant look on her face. “Now spill.” I took a sip from my coffee, then the words bubbled out of me, “I'm going out with Adrian tomorrow.” My face flushed and I quickly drank the rest of the coffee to have something to blame it on. “You what?” Amy's eyes widened and she didn't look nearly as excited as I felt. Slowly she uncrossed her ankles and set down her cup with a noisy clank. “Nora, didn't you listen to a word I said yesterday?” She rested her hands on her hips, looking at me reproachfully. I rolled my eyes at her and told her about Adrian's written messages. “It was really cute. I didn’t think he’d do something like that. Nobody has ever done something sweet for me,” I concluded my story. “I honestly want to give this thing between Adrian and me a try.” While I’d been talking, Amy's face had changed from a look of disapproval to surprise. Well, there was still a flicker of disapproval and worry in her eyes but I chose to ignore it. “He can be quite the charmer if he tries. I guess that's how he's getting all the women.” I scowled, not wanting to think about his other women. I
wanted to be the only woman for him. I knew it was ridiculous of me to even play with that thought, but if I didn’t, I’d never be able to enjoy my evening with Adrian, and I desperately wanted to. So much was going wrong in my life right now, I needed something that went right and I wanted Adrian to be that thing. “I really want tomorrow to be perfect, Amy. I know it’s a risk to go out with Adrian, but it’s my decision.” Amy walked up to me and put her arms around me from behind, resting her chin on shoulder. “Sorry. I know you can make your own decisions. But I care about you and don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all.” “Don’t worry, Amy. I won’t get hurt. As you said, it’s just lust.” We both knew that wasn’t entirely true. Amy nodded against my shoulder, then straightened. “We need to go shopping tomorrow and I'll help you get ready. You need to look absolutely hot,” she said resolutely. I peered over my shoulder at her. “Shopping?” “Yes. I don't need to work tomorrow, and you?” I shook my head no. I’d been working pretty much every day for two weeks straight. I finally had a day off. Amy clapped her hands happily, an excited glimmer in her eyes. I was glad to see the worry gone. It was starting to rub off on me. “Wonderful. It'll take us most of the day to get everything you need and to prepare you.” I just nodded my head. It was useless to argue with Amy about shopping, and I was actually grateful for her
willingness to help me. I wasn't experienced when it came to dating and needed every bit of help I could get. I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of Adrian. A wave of excitement washed over. I was really going out with Adrian. Would I be in his bed tomorrow night?
Chapter Ten At point six, a sharp knock rang through my apartment and tore me from my peaceful sleep. I sat up, rubbing my eyes. I'd thought I could sleep in today, since I didn't have to work, but obviously Amy had other plans. There wasn't a single doubt in my mind that she was the crazed person almost taking my door down to make me wake up. Bruno was peeking at me with half-closed eyes from the end of my bed, lying on his back, his feet sticking out toward the ceiling. I untangled myself from my blankets, slipped out of bed, shuffled through my apartment and toward the entrance door in slow motion. Another yawn parted my lips as I opened it. “Finally!” Amy pushed past me, causing me to stumble over my own feet and almost fall to the ground. The door hit the wall, and Bruno jumped off the bed with a startled bark, disappearing under it. A wave of her vanilla perfume trailed after Amy and while I usually loved the scent, so early in the morning it only made me want to sneeze. I scowled at her retreating back as she headed for the kitchen area, then slowly followed and opened the window, letting early morning air in. It had rained during the night and I sucked in a deep breath to soak it in. Bruno peeked out behind the bed, as if to check if the coast was clear and trotted out from his hiding place once he spotted Amy. He really wasn't
a good guard-dog. Not bothering to put a bathrobe over my nightgown, I dragged myself toward the kitchen table where Amy had already made coffee and was currently staring intently at a piece of paper with her scribbling on it. She didn't even look up when I dropped down on the chair next to her with a groan. I grabbed the cup of coffee and took a sip to wake up. I’d run out of Amy’s favorite blend and now had to rely on the cheap stuff I could afford. It tasted almost moldy, but if I didn’t get some caffeine into my bloodstream quickly, things would get ugly. “What's that?” I pointed at the piece of paper. “It's out to-do list,” she replied curtly, a tiny frown on her forehead. Apparently she'd made a detailed plan for the day. She was staring at it like it held the answers to everything. I smiled against my coffee mug. “A to-do list? Is that really necessary?” Bruno was starting to get bored with the lack of attention and petting he was receiving, and had begun scratching the door that hid his dog food. Usually Amy always made a fuss about him, but today she was on a mission. Mission impossible, if you asked me. By the time of the date, I was supposed to be a beautiful temptress (Amy’s words, not mine). I knew how to flirt with customers, how to swing my hips and smile seductively; but that was work. I didn’t care if a customer ended up not liking me, but with Adrian things were very different. If he didn’t try to get into my pants by the
end of the evening, I’d feel like the biggest failure in history. It’s not as if I was determined to sleep with him, but I, at least, wanted to him to want to sleep with me. Bruno rose to his little hind legs and rested his fore-paws against my bare shins, whining loudly. Amy made a sound of shocked frustration. “Careful! Don't let him leave scratches on your legs! I want you to wear a short dress. Scratches would ruin everything.” “Okay,” I drew the word out. I stared at her like she'd lost her mind before I directed my gaze to Bruno who'd hidden beneath the table because of Amy's screech. His cute, little head was poking out and he was looking at me as if he expected me to explain the actions of my crazy friend to him. “Sorry, Bruno. This woman is an enigma to me,” I said as I picked him up and put him on my lap. Amy was watching me with hawk-eyes. I cocked an eyebrow at her, hoping for some kind of explanation for her outburst. “So a short skirt?” I prompted when it became clear she was too busy staring at my legs to say anything. She shook her head, eyeing Bruno's paws on my upper thighs disapprovingly. “I haven't yet decided what you should wear tonight, but right now I'm favoring a skirt or dress, and you simply can't wear something like that with scratches on your legs.” I rolled my eyes, but sadly Amy didn't see it since she'd returned her gaze to the plan in front of her. “I don't really understand why you're even helping me,” I said under my breath, petting Bruno's head gently.
Amy looked up, completely uncomprehending of course. “If you're so averse to the idea of my date with Adrian, then why are you doing all this?” I gestured at the paper in front of her that was supposed to guarantee utmost success. Whatever that meant. Amy stopped gnawing the end of her pencil and put it down before sighing quietly. “Of course I don't like the idea of you going out with Mr. Manwhore, but I'm not blind. It's obvious that you'll go no matter what I say. If you're so determined to throw yourself at the devil, then we should at least make it as enjoyable and promising as possible.” I scowled at her. “I'm not throwing myself at him.” Yes you do. “And he’s not the devil.” Only devilishly sexy… Amy raised one of her delicate copper eyebrows, clearly doubting my words. I decided to ignore her for the time being and focused my attention on my cup of coffee instead. Maybe this date really wasn't a good idea. Amy slipped into the chair across from me. “Tell me, how far have you gone?” I blinked at Amy stupidly, not sure what she was talking about. Her arms were propped up on the table top and her chin was resting on the back of her hands. “First base, second base, third base?” she elaborated calmly, not even batting an eyelash. I choked on my coffee and spewed half of it on the table, coughing. “What?” I sputtered. I reached for a rag and
wiped up the spilled liquid, buying myself time to consider my reply. “Come on,” Amy urged. “I kissed a couple of guys on parties.” I lowered my gaze. “And then there's been Chris.” “And?” “We went out twice. I don’t even know why I agreed to it. I didn’t even like Chris all that much, but I was glad for the attention,” I admitted reluctantly. Not that I’d been much more successful in finding the right guy ever since. Maybe my expectations were too high. But going out with Chris was one of the things I'd like to make undone if I could. “Tell me more about it,” Amy said eagerly. “What exactly did you do with Chris?” “I'd rather not,” I said slowly, my nose wrinkling in disgust. The dates with Chris had been one of the biggest mistakes in my life. It had made him even more insistent. Amy kept staring at me. I held up my hands. “Okay, okay,” I said. “We kissed and he fumbled with my boobs. It didn’t do anything for me. Then he tried to reach into my pants but I wasn’t in the mood at all, so I pushed him away. He asked if I was frigid, then drove me home. After that I went out with him one more time and we kissed again and he grabbed my boobs again, but I felt nothing, and that’s it. Maybe Chris was right. Maybe I’m frigid.” Amy laughed but after a moment or two she quieted and
gazed at me with a piercing look. “You don’t really believe that, do you? That guy was a jerk, that’s all.” “No.” When I’d touched myself while watching Adrian having sex with all those women, I’d definitely felt something, but I couldn’t tell Amy that. “Maybe I just need a man who knows what he’s doing.” I shrugged, then bit my lip nervously, not sure why Amy was looking at me so imploringly. “Tell him.” I frowned at her. “Tell who what?” Amy leaned forward until her face was close to mine. “Tell Adrian that you're not experienced before this ends badly.” I gaped at her, slowly shaking my head. “You can't be serious!” “Nora-” “I won't tell him. He'll think something is wrong with me,” I blurted. “Nothing's wrong with you, Nora, but you need to tell him.” “No. End of discussion.” I stared at my coffee intently, my face burning from embarrassment. Amy's sigh sliced through the silence, and I felt bad for talking to her like I'd done. She was only trying to help me, and I was grateful for it, but I could not talk to Adrian about my inexperience. He’d probably laugh at me. I wasn't planning on having sex with him anyway, so it didn't matter. For the first time since I'd known Amy, she gave in and didn't try to make me talk about it. I appreciated her even
more after that. After we'd finished our coffee and eaten s o me oatmeal without sugar – apparently my favorite cookies were out of the question since they weren't good for my skin – I was given thirty minutes to shower and get dressed. Amy should consider a career in the army. She could be really bossy and commanding if you gave her the chance. As soon as I stepped out of my room, dressed in jeans and a simple white t-shirt, Amy grabbed me, and from that moment on I didn't have a single moment of peace. She dragged me through every decent shop in New York that was remotely in my price range and made me try on extravagant dresses and skirts I was probably never going to wear. I didn’t mention that the thrift store would have been the better choice given my financial predicament. I was close to giving up when Amy ushered me into a small boutique in Harlem. It was dark and crammed, but Amy seemed to know what she was doing. She headed for a rack with dresses and after some shuffling pulled out a red satin dress. It looked breathtaking. With dread, I peeked at the price tag. It was only $40. “Wow, that’s a bargain.” “It’s second hand,” Amy said. “I hope you don’t mind?” I shook my head and took the dress from Amy, then headed into the narrow dressing room. When I came out in the dress, Amy and I exchanged a look. This was it. The dress ended a couple of inches above my knees, had a high neckline in the front but a plunging waterfall neckline in the back. It hugged curves I didn’t even know I had. I stared at
myself in the mirror. “You look perfect. Adrian won’t be able to keep his hands off you,” Amy said with a satisfied smile. Considering that she didn’t want me to lose ‘it’ to Adrian, she was really doing everything in her power to make it happen. I bought the dress, and after some convincing from Amy I even got lacy red lingerie from Victoria Secret that I couldn’t even afford. At least, I had sexy high heels, so I didn’t need to buy new shoes. But I'd given out more money than I should have anyway. I really hoped it was worth it. Adrian had better appreciate my outfit. Of course, I was sorely mistaken when I’d thought shopping was the only torture Amy had in mind for me. Without warning, she pulled me into the waxing studio I’d sworn to never enter again. Before I could as much as protest, I was already on my way to get another Brazilian waxing. At least, my leg hairs were too short even for the special sugar-mix they were using because I’d shaved them only yesterday. Even though I hated to admit it, Amy had been right. The second time wasn’t as painful as the first, but definitely not pleasant in any way. At three pm, we returned to her apartment – exactly as Amy had planned it. Jared gave us an amused smile when Amy pulled me into their bedroom. Bruno was sitting on his lap because he'd agreed to keep an eye on my pug while I was busy. Amy pushed me down on the chair in front of her dressing table.
“Amy, do we really need three hours to get me ready?” I hadn't intended for it to come out quite so whiny, but I was already tired and cranky, and I still had to survive a date without embarrassing myself. Amy made an impatient little noise and grabbed tweezers from the dressing table. I followed her movements warily when she brought the tweezers closer to my face. “What are you doing?” “Plucking your eyebrows.” Without warning, she ripped the first hair out and I yelped. It hurt. I'd plucked my eyebrows only yesterday, but obviously I hadn't done the job properly. I closed my eyes and winced now and then when Amy plucked too roughly. She really was a little devil. “Done!” she exclaimed happily after what felt like an eternity and I opened my eyes slowly to find her beaming at me. It seemed as though plucking eyebrows made her very happy. I attempted a smile, which looked like a grimace. Red blotches formed where Amy had removed wayward hairs. I really hoped they’d be gone by the time Adrian picked me up. As if on cue, Amy reached for a tube of calming cream and rubbed into my forehead. “You need to shower, shave your legs, and wash your hair,” she demanded and ushered me into their bathroom. I didn't even try to protest. After the shower, I returned into the bedroom where Amy had already laid the clothes out. She handed me the red silk and lace underwear and I took it reluctantly. “Amy, do you really think that's necessary? I don't plan on letting him see my underwear.” What if I
dressed up and Adrian didn’t even try anything? That would be the worst. I’d feel like an idiot. She rolled her eyes. “Of course, it's necessary. Men can be incredibly charming and convincing if they want to get into the pants of a woman, especially men like Adrian, and I fear you might fall for his charm.” Maybe it was ridiculous, but I was actually glad that Amy was sure Adrian would lay the charm on. Of course I would never admit it. “I won’t fall for his charm.” I took the underwear from her and went into the bathroom to put it on. “I don’t bite,” Amy called as I closed the door behind me. It probably wasn’t a good sign that I was too embarrassed to let Amy see me naked. Maybe I could ask Adrian to turn off the light if we ended up in his bedroom. Oh God, Amy was right. How could I ever resist Adrian’s charm? I was a horny virgin who needed to get laid. I was doomed. I put the underwear on and admired myself in the mirror. I loved the feel of the lace panties on my waxed skin. A knock sounded, making me jump. “Can I come in?” Amy called. “Sure.” Amy poked her head in, looking apologetic. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that you will fall for Adrian’s charm, but I'm worried about you, Nora. Are you mad at me?” “Of course, I’m not mad at you. But you should really trust me. I can handle Adrian.”
“Good,” she said, pushing the door open and finally stepping in. Her eyes travelled up and down my body. “Wow. You look hot.” My cheeks heated and I didn’t know what to say. After a moment, Amy clapped her hands. “Let's get you ready. There’s still so much to do.” “Great,” I muttered sarcastically, but Amy had already disappeared into the bedroom. I followed after her. She’d laid out my dress on the bed. “Make up first.” She waved me over to her vanity and with a last longing glance toward the dress, I walked up to her and sank down on the chair she was pulling out for me. In the next hour, Amy did my make up and used a curling iron on my hair. I had to admit that Amy had done a marvelous job. My hair was falling in small ringlets down my back and the dark eye shadow set off my blue eyes. We’d gone light on the rest of the make-up because we wanted to focus on my eyes – according to Amy. A bit of lipgloss and rouge completed the look. “Now the dress,” Amy said. I picked it up and slipped it over my head, relishing in the feel of the soft fabric as it slid over my skin. Amy helped me zip it up. I put on my black high heels, then I faced the floor length mirror beside Amy’s and Jared’s bed. I turned around myself to see my body from every angle. “Thanks, Amy. I couldn’t have done this without you.” “No hugging,” Amy warned when I took a step toward her.
“It’ll ruin your make-up.” I snorted. “I’m so glad we found this dress,” Amy continued. “You look sexy enough to catch Adrian's interest but not too sexy. We don’t want him to get the wrong impression.” Maybe I wanted him to get the wrong impression. “We are aiming for the sexy-aloofness-look.”
Whatever. I was so nervous, I doubted I'd be able to pull off the sexyaloof act. I was already doubtful if I'd even manage the sexy act. Or the sane person act. Amy touched my arm. “You look nervous.” I swallowed. “I am.” I laughed. “Stupid, I know.” “No,” Amy said. “Just be yourself.” I couldn't help but wonder, would being myself be enough? So far being myself had only caught the attention of clingy Chris. “And remember, don’t think you owe him anything. Even if he’s charming, even if he pays for dinner, even if every woman he’s ever dated jumped into bed with him after the first date, you make the decision. If you don’t feel like having sex, then don’t. You should be absolutely sure you want it, especially with a guy like Adrian.” “Okay,” I said quietly. My hands were trembling and my heart was pounding so fast, it felt like it was going to burst my ribcage. I was
worried about doing something wrong. I wanted this date to be perfect. I wanted to be perfect. Maybe then Adrian would see that one person could be enough, that one woman was enough. “I better leave now,” I said in a bare whisper. Amy gave me a worried look but before she could say more, I hurried out of their apartment and into my own. I closed the door and took a deep breath. I chanced a look at the clock. Adrian would pick me up in ten minutes and I was close to hyperventilating. I knew I was overreacting, but I couldn't stop. Calm the fuck down, I told myself. I wanted this. I’d wanted Adrian pretty much from the moment I first laid eyes on him having sex with the redhead. I reminded myself of the way his butt tensed with every thrust, of his muscled chest, of the look of rapture on his face when he came. My heart was still racing but it wasn’t nervousness alone anymore. Tonight was my chance to be the woman in Adrian’s bed. Tonight I’d make all my dreams come true. I wouldn’t mess it up.
Chapter Eleven The bell rang out, and my heart might have stopped for an instant, only to start racing a second later. I took a look at my reflection, satisfied that it wasn't obvious how nervous I felt. This was just a date. Nothing special. No need to feel nervous. Yeah, right. I smoothed the non-existent wrinkles in my dress and strode toward the door, trying to look confident and sexy. I grabbed the door handle, then took a deep breath before I opened the door. There he was, holding out a single red rose to me. He looked amazing. He was wearing black slacks and a slimfit white shirt that didn’t do much to hide the lean muscles beneath. His hair was disheveled as usual, and he was giving me his trademark confident grin. I took the rose from him and forced a smile. I’d never realized how tall he really was. Even though I was tall and wearing high heels, he still had several inches on me. “Thanks,” I said, hating how breathless my voice sounded. His smile widened. Get a grip on yourself, Nora. This date must be perfect,
you must be perfect. His eyes slowly traveled over the entire length of my body,
making every inch of my skin tingle as if he were actually touching me. How did he do it? When his eyes finally met mine, I held my breath in anticipation of his reply. A lazy smirk curled his lips. “You look beautiful. I love tall women.” The air left my lungs in a gush and I smiled at him. With a delicate shrug, I said. “Oh, I didn’t even have much time to get ready.” I cringed inwardly at how fake that had sounded. Maybe I should listen to Amy’s advice and just be myself. His gaze darted past me into my apartment and it took everything I had not to flush in embarrassment. I knew my apartment was a dump – small, dark and sparsely furnished. Definitely nothing in comparison to what I’d seen of his apartment. Not that I’d paid much attention to anything but Adrian’s adventures. I shifted and grabbed my purse from the small table beside the door. Adrian held his hand out for me and I stared at it for a moment before I took it hesitantly. As soon as our hands touched, my skin began to tingle, my body to burn. His grip was strong, almost possessive, but never tight enough to hurt. “Ready?” I looked at him with wide eyes but he was just smiling charmingly as he led me towards the elevator. Didn't he feel it? Or maybe he was just used to holding hands with women and it didn't affect him anymore. I pushed the thought aside and hoped my body would grow accustomed to being close to him soon. The elevator doors slid closed
and Adrian turned toward me, our hands still entwined. “I’m glad you said yes. You won’t regret it.” His voice was low and full of promise. I tilted my head up with what I hoped was a teasing smile. “We’ll see.” It actually came out as I’d intended. Maybe I was getting better at hiding my nervousness. He chuckled. A few strands of his blond hair fell across his forehead and before I could stop myself I brushed them away, my fingertips grazing his skin. I froze, heat crawling up my throat and cheeks. His gaze burned through me and he gripped my hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing my knuckles. I pressed my lips together to stop myself from making a sound. It wouldn’t do to moan because of a knuckle kiss. He focused on my lips, but then the doors of the elevators glided open, and one of my elderly neighbors waited to get in. I backed away from Adrian and together we exited the elevator. “Are we going to take a cab?” I asked as we stepped outside. “No, I prefer to take my own car.” “You don’t mind the crazy traffic?” “I can be patient if I want to be,” he said cryptically, then led me toward a black BMW convertible. He held the door open for me and when I slid into the passenger seat, I realized that I was already much calmer than thirty minutes ago. Maybe I could do this. Maybe I could be charming and sexy and alluring without any incidents. “I hope you like Italian cuisine,” he said as he started the
car. “Yes, I do.” After that I wasn’t sure what else to say. I could have asked him about his job, but that would have led to him asking about my work in turn and I didn’t want to admit that I was a waitress in a shabby bar. The women I’d seen in his bedroom before had seemed sophisticated, most of them dressed in fancy dresses or business suits. Though he could probably guess that I wasn’t a successful businesswoman from looking at my dingy apartment. The drive to the restaurant passed in silence, except for the classical music ringing out of the speakers. I enjoyed watching Adrian drive, the way his strong hands held the steering wheel, or the way his jaw tightened whenever a cab cut in front of us. He looked so in control of everything. I’d never seen him in anything but impeccable clothes, his hair deliberately disheveled. Did he ever let loose? Even when I’d spied on him having sex with all these women, he’d looked in control of the situation, as if he’d never even consider letting down his guards. I wanted to peer behind those walls. I wanted to see the true Adrian. I snapped my gaze back to my hands resting on the purse in my lap when I realized how long I’d been staring at him. Had he noticed? But I wasn’t the only one who used the drive to risk a peek. I noticed Adrian throwing glances my way repeatedly, and I wondered if it was a good or bad sign. I knew I should say something, start a conversation, but my nervousness and my worry to do something wrong held me back. And maybe
Adrian didn’t like talking when he drove. He didn’t seem particularly bothered by our silence. He hadn’t even mentioned my voyeurism yet. Maybe he was saving that particular topic for dinner. I surely hoped not. Adrian pulled up in front of the restaurant Da Daniele in Brooklyn. I'd read about it in the New York Times a while back. It was the best and most expensive Italian restaurant in the city. This knowledge didn't help to calm me down. If possible it made me even more nervous, since it showed that Adrian was having high expectations. Why else would he be willing to invest so much money into a first date? Maybe because there were never second dates in his life. I didn’t like that idea, and chose to pick the option that he was stinking rich. Adrian killed the engine and swiveled to me. “This is one of my favorite restaurants. They have the best Osso Bucco in town.” “I’m vegetarian,” I blurted, and immediately wanted to be swallowed up by the ground. “Sorry, I don’t know why I said that.” He smiled. “They have great pasta and gnocchi too, and if all else fails there’s still dessert. You won’t go hungry, trust me.” I shivered from the expression on his face. My eyes darted to his lips and I began to lean toward him when my door was opened. I jerked back and came face to face with a man in a black suit. “Welcome to Dan Daniele,” he drawled. I’d never been to a restaurant that had someone who helped customers out of their cars. I smiled and swung my
legs out, taking care that my dress didn’t ride up and flash my red lace panties at the man. Adrian appeared at my side and handed his key to the man. “The reservation is for Black. I need my car parked.” “Of course, sir.” Adrian touched my waist and gently guided me toward the restaurant. My skin warmed where he touched me and I wondered how it would feel to have his hands all over my body. Small bistro tables were sat up in front of the entrance, right on the sidewalk. A low fence with a canopy of glowing garlands protected the customers seated at the tables from passersby and the chaos of the traffic. It was a warm and beautiful evening and I wished we had a table outside, but every single one of them was occupied. Adrian and I stepped into the restaurant. There was a reception desk with a vase of white orchids; a young woman in a black dress waited behind it. She looked up and her face brightened. “Mr. Black, it’s wonderful to see you again. Your usual table, I presume?” I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if there had ever been something between the woman and Adrian. She was lacking the subtle bitterness of a shunned lover, so probably not. But the way she eyed Adrian, it was obvious that she wouldn’t mind sharing his bed. “Yes, Gianna,” he said in a pleasant but cool tone. Gianna’s gaze swiveled to me for a moment and her smile became less warm. An older man with a gray moustache and a bald head strode our way, his arms spread in a welcoming
gesture. He was wearing checkered pants, a white shirt and a red bow tie. “Mr. Black, welcome back!” he halfshouted with a strong Italian accent. For a moment, I was sure he was going to hug Adrian, but he just gestured wildly with his arms as he talked. “It’s been almost two weeks since your last visits. I was already worried you’d left the country!” He let out a deep belly laugh, then his twinkling eyes zoomed in on me. “And who’s this beautiful lady?” He reached for my hand and kissed it. He was almost a head smaller than me but he didn’t seem to mind. “I’m Nora Clark. Nice to meet you…” I trailed off since I didn’t know his name. “Giovanne,” he said, then winked at me before turning back to Adrian who had an amused expression on his face. “I’ll lead you to your usual table, Mr. Black. Please follow me.” Adrian really seemed to eat at the Da Daniele often. Was he taking all of his women here before whisking them away for a night of pleasure? I didn’t like the idea that Gianna and Giovanne had seen Adrian waltzing in with dozens of women before me. It made me feel cheap. But maybe I was overreacting. Maybe Adrian usually came here alone, or with business partners, or maybe even friends and family. I didn’t know anything about him. That thought didn’t manage to console me either. I really didn’t know anything about the man I’d been fantasizing about, the man I was considering losing my v-card to. But tonight was my chance to change that. I only needed to ask
the right questions. Adrian’s fingers tightened on my waist, tearing me from my thoughts, and I peered up at him. “Are you okay? You seemed far away for a moment.” “I’m just taking it all in.” My gaze lingered on the glass wall at the back that looked out toward an inner courtyard with more small tables. Giovanne stopped at a table in front of the floor-to-ceiling window and pulled out a chair for me. I tore my eyes away from the beautiful courtyard. Lampions hung from trees and ropes connecting them. There were orange, lemon and olive trees. “Would you prefer to sit outside?” Adrian asked. I smiled in embarrassment. “If it’s not too much trouble?” I glanced at Giovanne. He looked thoughtful for a moment, then said. “Let me check. Just a sec.” Then he hurried off. “So you come here often?” I asked, trying to sound casual. Adrian shrugged. “I don’t cook, so I eat out almost every day.” “Oh.” Giovanne returned and ushered us outside into the courtyard, and led us toward a table beneath a majestic old tree. Adrian was faster than Giovanne this time; he let go of my waist and pulled a chair out for me. I sank down. “Thanks.” He took the seat across from me. A candle flickered in a mason jar on the square table, and another jar was filled with wild flowers in purple and white. The inside of the
restaurant had been more polished with white table cloths and orchids, but I actually loved the checkered cloth on the small bistro table and the casual atmosphere of the courtyard. “Better?” Adrian’s green eyes scanned my face. He seemed to be making a real effort to make our date perfect for me. “It’s beautiful.” Giovanne cleared his throat. “Excuse me.” He handed me the menu, then handed one to Adrian. “Would you like an aperitif?” “Yes, a Negroni for me and…” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Aperol Spritz?” I offered. It was the only aperitif that came to my mind. I usually drank cocktails with cream or coconut milk and syrup, but they were too sweet for dinner. “Wonderful,” Giovanne said. “Would you like a bottle of water?” “San Pelegrino.” “Very well.” Giovanne handed the winelist to Adrian. “Enjoy your evening.” Then he turned around with another wink in my direction and headed into the restaurant. My eyes drifted over the beautiful oranges and lemons dotting the trees around us. Adrian asked me a question that I didn't hear. I looked up at him, feeling myself blush. “What did you say?” “Would you like some wine?” He looked at me as if he knew exactly how nervous he was making me feel. I
swallowed and nodded my head. Wine would hopefully manage to calm my nerves and help me relax. “Is it okay for you that we don’t sit at your usual table?” I gestured at the rustic tables. “This isn’t quite as upscale as the inside.” “I want you to enjoy yourself. That’s all that matters.” He smirked. “And sometimes it’s good to try new things, don’t you think?” I made a non-committal noise and turned my attention to the menu. It wasn’t very long but it had several vegetarian options. A waiter carrying a slate with wooden feet headed our way and set the slate down. “Our daily specials. Your drinks will be here in a moment.” I quickly scanned the slate. The lasagna with chanterelles caught my eye, but I decided to ask Adrian. After all, he ate here all the time. “What would you recommend?” I asked. “Well, the burrata with grilled peaches and heirloom tomatoes is delicious. As for the entree, I’d recommend the homemade tagliatelle with truffles. It’s amazing.” Adrian lifted his gaze from the menu. “Burrata?” I repeated. I didn’t have the slightest clue what that was. “It’s a kind of mozzarella with cream inside. It practically melts on your tongue.” The way he said tongue and looked at me, food was the last thing on my mind, and I felt myself flush. From the look on his face, it was clear that it’s what
he’d intended. Amy had been right. He knew what to say and do to charm his way into women’s panties. I was glad that the waiter chose that moment to bring our drinks. “Are you ready to order?” “Give us another moment,” Adrian said, never taking his eyes off me. The moment the waiter was gone, I picked up my Aperol Spritz and took a few gulps. Adrian, too, sipped at his drink, a red liquid in a martini glass. I set my drink down. Half of it was already gone. If I kept up the tempo, I’d be drunk before the entrée was served. “So what are you going to order?” Adrian smirked as if he knew I was rambling because I was nervous. “I'll take the Vitello Tonato for starters, then the Ossobuco alla Milanese.” He leaned forward, his muscled arms resting on the table. His gaze was intense, but I couldn’t look away. “As for the dessert. I haven't quite decided yet.” His voice was husky, and I knew exactly what he wanted to have for dessert. I took another gulp of my cocktail. “The molten lava cake looks delicious,” I said, misunderstanding him on purpose. “Delicious indeed,” he said, then he scanned the winelist calmly, as if he hadn’t just come on to me. “Do you prefer white or red wine?” “White,” I said automatically, though I wasn’t much of a wine drinker. I didn’t usually frequent restaurants that served wine. Most of the time a Happy Meal was the only thing I could afford.
The waiter returned to our table and Adrian gave a small nod in my direction. “I’d like the burrata and tagliatelle with truffles.” I could tell it pleased Adrian that I’d followed his recommendation. “I’ll have the Vitello Tonnato, followed by the Ossobucco. And we’ll share a bottle of Pinot Grigio,” he said to the waiter who scribbled our orders on a small notebook and then disappeared into the restaurant. “Why did you want to have dinner with me?” The words left me mouth before I could stop them, but it was a question that’s been bothering me since he’d first asked me to go out with him. I fiddled with the cloth napkin, occasionally risking a peek at Adrian. He leaned back in his chair. “You fascinate me.” I frowned. “Why? You don’t know anything about me.” “Oh, that’s where you’re wrong,” he murmured. “I know you like to take risks. I know you’re curious…” I didn’t like where this was going, but it was too late. “I know you know what you want.” Did he really? Because what I wanted was him. “I know all that because you watched me. I could tell that you liked what you saw.” I downed the rest of my drink, relieved when the waiter appeared at our table with the wine. He poured some into our glasses, set a basket with ciabatta slices and a jar with tapenade down on the table, and then he disappeared. I took a piece of bread, spread tapenade on it and took a
bite. Adrian, however, ignored the bread. His eyes were trained on me, one corner of his mouth lifted. “It was an accident,” I said eventually, sounding defensive. My cheeks were so hot I must have been glowing. Maybe Adrian would blame it on the Aperol Spritz. “I didn’t mean to watch you.” “You didn’t?” he said in a challenging tone. He calmly lifted the wineglass and waited for me to do the same. We clinked them together and took a sip. “So you picked up binoculars by accident and directed them toward my window?” “The binoculars were just lying around in my room. I didn’t buy them so I could spy on people, if that’s what you think. And it was really hard to miss your window and what was going on behind it. Your curtains were open and the light was on. The whole neighborhood probably watched.” He grinned. “No need to get angry. I never said I didn’t like to be watched. I just want you to be honest with me and with yourself, and admit that you watched me on purpose that night. And it wasn’t the first time either, was it?” “You noticed before?” I blurted, and then cringed because I’d given myself away. I could never commit the perfect crime. I’d confess everything by accident anyway. It was obvious that Adrian was holding back laughter. Great. At least, I was amusing him. I took a few more gulps of the Pinot Grigio. It was cold and calmed my nerves, and I was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol, which was good for what I intended to say.
“Okay, you’re right. That night wasn’t the first time I watched you. I can’t afford cable so there really isn’t much else to do in the evening.” Please, God, let me get hit by lightening. Adrian chuckled. “Of course. That’s the only reason.” I shrugged and emptied my glass. Adrian poured me more wine, but I could tell that the topic wasn’t done yet. “Did you enjoy it?” My fingers froze on a piece of bread. “Enjoy it?” I halfsqueaked. “Watching me.” “It wasn’t unpleasant.” “That’s good to know.” He took my hand and stroked my skin with his thumb. Goosebumps flashed across my body. “Admit it, you wanted to be in my bedroom. You wanted to be the woman in my bed.” I was spared a reply when Giovanne arrived at our table with two plates with our starters. “Are you enjoying yourselves so far?” he asked. “Quite,” Adrian said. I took another sip from my wine instead of an answer. The waiter joined Giovanne after a moment and put a bottle of San Pelegrino down on the table, then they both left. “Bon appetite,” Adrian said. I gave him a terse smile, speared a piece of burrata and a piece of the grilled peach, and slid it into my mouth. Fuck. A
moan slipped past my lips. The burrata was so creamy and the peach so juicy and sweet. “It’s delicious.” Adrian’s expression had become almost predatory when I’d moaned and he was still watching me as if I was the most delicious thing he’d ever seen – as if he actually wanted to devour me. I took another sip from my wine. Warmth spread through my body. I really needed to slow down but I couldn’t seem to bring myself to do it. “So do you like it?” Adrian asked, his eyes lingering on my lips. “Yes, it's delicious. I could eat this every day.” His lips quirked into a satisfied smile. “Some things are so good you want to have them all the time.” I pushed the last piece of burrata into my mouth. “I like variety.” He raised one eyebrow. “So do I.” Of course he did. Why else would he have banged a new woman every night? The waiter returned to our table and took our plates away. “So what are you doing when you’re not spying on me?” Adrian asked. The question I’d hoped to avoid. “I’m a waitress,” I said, then quickly added, “But that’s a temporary thing. I’m trying to become a published author.” “You’re a writer?” For the first time, Adrian sounded honestly interested.
It always felt funny to call myself an author. I hadn’t even found an agent or sold a short story yet. Calling myself an author felt presumptuous. “Yes, I’m trying to find an agent with my new book…” I trailed off, not wanting to admit that I’d already received more than a dozen rejections on my manuscript. “I’m writing mysteries and urban fantasy.” “Impressive. I wouldn’t even know what to write about. Where do you get ideas for your books?” I relaxed, my fingers tracing the rim of my wineglass. “Everywhere. I meet a lot of strange people at my job. And New York is pretty much the epicenter of crazy.” I forced myself to stop. I could ramble about writing for hours, but I didn’t want to bore Adrian to death. “So what are you doing?” “I’m a lawyer.” “What kind of lawyer?” I could imagine him only too well in court or negotiating a contract. I bet he was impressive. “Business, mergers and acquisitions.” He smirked. My eyes lingered on his lips, remembering our almost kiss in the elevator. All I wanted to do was lean over the table to find out if his lips were as soft as they looked. “But I don’t want to bore you with the details. It’s not even close to being as interesting as writing a book.” It was obvious that he didn’t want to reveal much of himself. I doubted his job was that boring. After all, it got him enough money to afford a nice car and an even nicer apartment. Giovanne walked up to our table, the other waiter and our main course in tow. When he set my plate with the truffle
tagliattelle down in front of me, the delicious smell wafted into my nose. “Mmmh,” I said. “That smells wonderful.” Giovanne tipped his head. “It’ll taste even better. Enjoy.” He and the waiter disappeared again. I took a bite of the tagliatelle. He was right. The food was heaven. “I don’t think I’ve ever eaten anything as good.” “It’s the best Italian restaurant in the States,” Adrian said. “The only time I had ossobucco that came close was in Florence.” “You visited Florence?” I’d been wanting to visit Europe, and especially Italy for years. But I could barely afford a new shower curtain, so a trip abroad was out of the question. “Three times.” He poured us the rest of the wine and gestured for the waiter to bring us another bottle. I should probably have stopped him, since I was already tipsy, but the food and wine were too good to stop. “The first time I was in Rome on business. Just a couple of nights. I barely had time for sightseeing, but I fell in love with the food and the country, and returned the next summer.” The waiter arrived with a new bottle of wine and he paused until the waiter was gone again before he continued. “That time I toured the Tuscany.” “I hear it’s beautiful.” “It is. Especially the small towns towering on hills with their stone walls and old churches.” I propped my chin up on my palm, my fingers twirling the wineglass around. His voice had become even smoother as he talked about the Tuscany, about his favorite restaurant in Siena, the
icecream in Florence, the old town of San Gimignano, his expression more relaxed and unguarded than I’d ever seen it. I wished I could have seen him stroll the streets of Florence. Or better yet, I wished I could visit all the places he loved with him at my side. When we were done with our entrees and the waiter came to pick up our plates, I wasn't even sure how much time had passed. His voice had transported me to Italy, had made me forget everything around us. “I probably bored you to death with my vacation stories,” Adrian said. “Oh no,” I said. “I loved listening to your stories. It makes me want to visit Italy even more.” He smiled, but the mask that had slipped during his recount of his travels was back in place. Giovanne strolled toward our table with two menus in his hands. “So how about dessert?” Adrian glanced at me. “I think we’ll share the best chocolate cake in the world.” “Perfect choice,” Giovanne said, then disappeared. “It has a molten chocolate core,” Adrian said. I could feel a flush spreading in my cheeks when he said the word core and from the twitching of his lips, he knew exactly what I was thinking about. That’s probably why he’d said it in the first place. I downed the last of my wine. Our second bottle was already half empty. The waiter arrived with our dessert and set it down in the middle of our table. The cake was dark brown and small, surrounded by an arrangement of raspberries, strawberries and mango slices as well as
swirls made from fruit sauces. Adrian picked up the fork and cut off a piece of the cake. At once, molten chocolate pooled out and the smell of warm chocolate flooded my nose. Adrian dipped the piece of cake in the liquid and lifted it with a suggestive smile. “Open your mouth.” I leaned forward, my lips parted. Adrian slid the fork into my mouth and I closed my lips around it. He slowly pulled it out of my mouth as the warm chocolate melted on my tongue. I swallowed, then moaned. “This is delicious.” I shook my head. “You’re spoiling me.” “I haven’t even start yet,” Adrian murmured in a seductive voice.
Chapter Twelve Slowly piece by tiny piece Adrian and I shared the cake, never breaking eye contact. Maybe it was the wine that gave me the confidence to hold his gaze. As the last piece of cake disappeared in my mouth, my entire body was tingling. Adrian’s gaze was almost like foreplay. I could feel it fluttering over my skin like butterfly wings. Not taking his eyes off me, he waved the waiter over to ask for the check. I barely listened to Giovanne’s and Adrian’s conversation as he paid, only smiled and nodded occasionally. “I hope to welcome you to our restaurant again soon,” Giovanne said at last. I peered at Adrian, whose face wasn’t giving anything away. He definitely wasn’t going to say anything. Because he knew he wouldn’t go out with me again? I pushed the thought aside. After all, Giovanne had asked me and not Adrian. “Thanks,” I said simply. Adrian held out his hand for me. I rose from my chair and for a moment I wasn’t sure if my legs would carry me. I’d definitely had too much wine. I hoped the espresso I’d had with the cake would kick in soon. My skin felt hot and my brain was clouded. Adrian had drunk just as much as me, but he looked fine, or maybe he was better at hiding how drunk he was. He led me out of the restaurant, one hand resting on my hip
possessively. I leaned against him as we walked, relishing in the feeling of his strong body against my arm. And I was glad for his arm around me because I wasn’t sure if I could walk in a straight line otherwise. Maybe I should have had more than one Espresso. His car was already parked at the curb. A trickle of unease filled me. Would he actually drive after having shared two bottles of wine with me? “I need a cab,” he said to the man holding out his keys. “Tell Giovanne, I’ll have someone pick up my car early in the morning.” A few minutes later, a black limousine pulled up and we got into the back. I pressed myself against Adrian and his arm around me tightened. My eyes traveled over his handsome face as he told the driver where to take us. I still hardly knew anything about him, except that he’d traveled through Italy, that he was a lawyer and that he’d had sex with a lot of women. Somehow I was disappointed that I'd learned almost nothing about Adrian. I’d wanted to look behind his mask but except for the brief glimpses as he talked about the Tuscany, he’d kept his guard up. I don't think he'd showed me who he truly was. Maybe the restaurant hadn't been the right place for that. I could feel the espresso kicking in, banishing the fogginess from my mind. Adrian smiled down at me, his lips so close that his breath fanned over me. Without thinking I tilted my face up and kissed him. His lips felt cool against my heated skin. He tangled his fingers in my hair, pulling me close. Electricity shot through my entire body at the feel of his
fingertips against my scalp. If it felt already this good when he touched my head, how would it feel when he really got down to business. His tongue darted into my mouth, insistent and demanding. My eyes fluttered closed as our kiss became even more heated. A moan escaped from deep in my throat and Adrian let out a growl in response. There wasn’t a sexier sound in the world. The driver cleared his throat and I quickly pulled back, feeling my cheeks heat with embarrassment. I swallowed a laugh and pressed my forehead against Adrian’s shoulder. He chuckled, his fingers stroking my arm. It was incredibly distracting and made me want to kiss him again. What did it matter if the driver was watching? It wasn’t as if Adrian cared. If he didn’t mind me watching him having sex, then he certainly wouldn’t mind if someone watched us kiss. He leaned down until his lips brushed my ear, his voice low and raspy. “I can’t wait to be alone with you. I want to taste every inch of you.” I sucked in a breath. Heat pooled between my legs. I forced my voice to be steady. “What makes you think I’ll let you do that?” I hoped my expression was sexy and challenging at the same time, but I wasn’t sure if I was succeeding. “Don’t tell me you don’t want me as much as I want you. I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you watching me with your binoculars and then when you gave me that shocked innocent look after you realized I’d caught you, it was all I could do not to come right then. I want you, Nora. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”
My eyes had fluttered shut as I listened to his husky voice. I couldn’t tell him that I’d wanted him from the moment I’d seen him bang the redhead, way before he knew I even existed. I couldn’t tell him that every night I’d taken out my binoculars, pointed them at his window and watched him banging a new girl, and every night I’d wished the girl was me. And now my wish could finally come true, so why was I hesitating? I didn’t get a chance to say anything because the driver pulled up in front of Adrian’s apartment building and stopped the car. Adrian paid him and we got out into the cool night air. I shivered. Adrian pulled me against him, giving me no choice but to tilt my head back to look into his face. He took my hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing my knuckles. His smile warmed my insides and I couldn’t help but smile back. My skin tingled from his touch, his kiss, his expression. The way he looked at me made me feel special, like there could never be anyone but me. Never had someone kissed my hand, or devoured me with their gaze. What did it matter that Adrian had banged many women before me? The past could stay where it belonged: in the past. Chris certainly had never made me wet my panties just from looking at me. He'd been too busy staring at and groping my chest, or trying to stick his tongue down my throat. I wanted Adrian. I shivered again. A breeze had picked up. Adrian moved even closer until my body was pressed against his firm chest.
“You are cold,” he said in a low voice. How long had he practiced to make it sound like that? It was smoother than the molten chocolate core of our dessert, and just as sweet. “Come up with me. You won’t regret it.” His palm stroked my back, sending sparks of lust through my body. I raised my head to look into his eyes. In the darkness they looked almost black. The shadow of stubble dusted his jaw. I trailed my fingertips over it, relishing in the quiver of excitement the prickle gave me. His smile widened; he felt so wonderfully warm, and his arms around me made me feel so safe. It was difficult to think straight, to think at all with his scent surrounding me, all man and muskiness. A part of me knew that I should pull away, that I needed to keep my distance and be careful because Adrian was a heart-breaker. Amy would kick my ass if she found out that I’d fallen so quickly for Adrian’s charm. Her voice was the voice of reason in my head, but I ignored this part. I wasn’t a child who needed to be told what to do. I was an adult. I’d taken care of myself for almost three years. I could make my own decisions. And I wanted Adrian. I was sick of waiting for the perfect prince to sweep me off my feet and relieve me of my virginity. Hell, most of the girls from high school who’d gone to purity balls with their daddies had already lost their v-card, most of them years ago, and not all of them in the marriage bed. “So what do you say? Do you want to leave me hanging like a randy virgin teenage boy?” I let out a laugh. He was as far from being a virgin teenage
boy as the moon was from Earth. Randy, well that was another matter. I shook my head. “You’re impossible.” In that moment with his arms around me, and that look of almost boyish amusement on his face, I felt as if I knew him. Really knew him. I doubted he’d showed that side to any of the women before me. “How could I leave you hanging?” I said in what I hoped was a seductive whisper, standing on my tiptoes to brush his lips with mine. He deepened the kiss immediately, his hands coming up around my ribcage, his thumbs brushing the sides of my breasts. My nipples hardened and I had to bite back an embarrassing moan. Of course, he knew. A hint of smugness crossed his face as he pulled back and took my hand, leading me toward the door to his apartment building. There was a desk with a concierge in the lobby, but we were past it before the man could say more than ‘Good Evening.’ I felt like I was in a trance. We stepped into the elevator and this time there was no hesitation. I kissed him with so much force that we fell back against the elevator walls. Now that the effects of the wine had mostly dissipated, I needed to pluck up my courage through kissing. And fuck, did Adrian know how to kiss. Every nerve ending in my body was on high alert, ultra aware of Adrian’s body pressed against mine. He grabbed my butt and squeezed, his fingers closer to my core than anyone had ever been. Waves of pleasure shot into my clit. I nipped at his lip, then licked it. The elevator doors glided
open and we stumbled out. He led me toward his apartment and I was desperate to get closer to him again, to kiss him, to lose myself in him. Adrian opened the door to his apartment and I stepped in, suddenly feeling shy again. The courage I’d felt in the elevator had evaporated. I cast a quick glance around the huge hall that could have fit my entire apartment inside. Everything was clean, white or beige, and high-polished. The door fell shut, tearing me from my thoughts, and before my doubts could make me rethink my decision to go up with Adrian, he pulled me against him and I wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling his warmth, his muscled body. My hands clutched his butt. It was so firm, and I couldn’t help but remember how his butt had flexed with every thrust as he fucked the other women. Bad thought… He smirked at my boldness and lowered his head, our lips meeting again. I could have kissed him for the rest of my life. The taste and feel of him was intoxicating. The least bit of rationality left my mind when he cupped my breast through the thin fabric of my dress and my bra. He drew circles with his thumb, eliciting a moan from my lips. His kiss wasn't at all like the kiss I'd shared with Chris and the two other guys at parties. Adrian knew what to do, how to kiss. His lips against mine, his tongue in my mouth, his hands on my back and waist and breast, they made thinking so very difficult. I lifted my arms and ran my hands through his hair, pulling him closer, always closer. I wanted to become one with him. I'd never thought that kissing could
feel so good, could make me so wet; my entire body tingled. Heat gathered between my legs. Any moment I would combust. I pressed my thighs together to relieve some of the tension that was building. I pulled at Adrian’s hair roughly, biting his lip and smiling against his lips when he let out a growl. His hand traveled over my back until he found the zipper; he pulled it down and slowly slid the dress off my shoulders so it pooled in a heap at my high-heeled feet. His eyes glided over my body from head to toe, lingering on my lace panties. Was I imagining it or were his irises actually darkening? I resisted the urge to cover myself. Adrian stepped close to me, his hands coming to rest on my hips before slowly sliding to my butt. He massaged my cheeks gently. “You’re so hot.” He dipped me back until my shoulders rested against the cold wall. A shiver slithered down my back at the feel of it against my too hot skin. Adrian bent over me, licking and sucking at my neck, then softly biting down on my collarbone. I tipped my head to the side to give him better access. His lips traveled lower, his tongue tracing lazy circles on my skin. The tip of his tongue traced the edge of my bra, then darted beneath it, so close to my nipple that I made a sound of annoyance. He chuckled. “So impatient,” he whispered, then pushed down my bra. He closed his lips around my nipple and I threw my head back with a low moan. “God, I want you so fucking much. I’m bursting through my pants if I don’t fuck you now,” he growled. A hint of unease filled the pit of my stomach, but I pushed it
aside. I pressed against Adrian, feeling how hard he was. His cock pressed against my naked stomach. I could feel the heat radiating off of it even through Adrian’s pants. Fuck, he felt huge. I’d seen him naked before, but through binoculars it was difficult to estimate the size of something. The unease increased. But I was too far gone to stop now. I’d wanted Adrian for weeks, had pined over him like a puppy. Deep down I knew this was wrong and too fast and that I needed to stop it before it was too late. I knew I should ask Adrian if this meant more to him than just sex. A gasp got caught in my throat when Adrian lifted me and pressed my back against the cold wall, trapping me between the wall and his body. My legs wrapped around his hip automatically. I remembered Amy’s advice to tell Adrian the truth. I've never done this, Adrian. Make love to me. Hold me, kiss me, love me. I felt the words on my tongue but they were stuck. I couldn’t say them. But I didn't stop kissing him, though I knew it was the right thing to do. My body didn't react to my commands. I ground my heated core against him without even realizing what I was doing. The friction sent a jolt of pleasure through me, numbing some of my worries. Adrian began sucking on my neck again. One hand supported my butt, while his other hand moved lower, caressing my stomach, then tracing the outer line of my lace panties. My eyes widened in surprise when I felt a finger brush over my panties, touching my clit through the fabric. Why did this have to feel so fucking good? His touch felt too fucking
good, and yet it was so wrong. So very, very wrong. He rubbed his finger over my clit again and I jerked. “Fuck,” he groaned against my throat, then slowly moved upward to capture my mouth in another kiss. He pushed my panties aside, his finger brushing my folds. Something that sounded like Amy’s chiding voice reminded me that it shouldn't happen like this. I didn't want it to happen like this, but I was still clinging to him as if I was drowning and he was a lifeboat. Adrian dipped a finger between my folds. “So wet,” he purred. He drew circles over my clit, gently coating it with my juices. I let out another moan. I could feel an orgasm building. His finger against my clit drove me higher and higher, and then before I could react, before I could even think about it, he replaced his finger with his cock. I felt his erection brush against my center. He didn’t even bother to remove my panties. And then he pulled me down on his erection, my back still leaning against the wall. All the pleasure I’d felt evaporated and I tumbled from the height his fingers had guided me toward. My body tensed and I cried out as unexpected pain ripped through my abdomen. It was a stinging pain. It felt like I was being ripped apart, and he hadn't even started moving. I could feel his cock twitching in me, but Adrian was completely frozen, every muscle tensed up. I, too, was unmoving in his arms, trying to accustom to the feel of him in me. He was so big. Adrian lifted his head, his eyes wide as he stared at me. I
bit my lip, unsure what to do and worried to move and make the pain worse. He gripped my butt and then he pulled out slowly. I pressed my lips even tighter together to keep myself from whimpering. I wanted to ask him why he’d stopped, but at the same time I was glad. It hurt, and I hadn't thought it would be like that, I hadn't wanted it to happen in a corridor against a wall. I wanted him to hold me and tell me that it would be okay, that we would cuddle in his bedroom and try again later. I wanted him to kiss me and whisper soothing words to me. I licked my lips, about to apologize but his expression made me pause. “Was this your first time?” I stared at him, feeling my throat tightening. I couldn’t reply but the answer must have been plain on my face. He shook his head. “Why didn't you tell me?” he hissed in a dangerously low voice. His face was appalled, disgusted, furious. “I don't do virgins.”
Chapter Thirteen I don’t do virgins. The words felt like a slap in my face and something broke in me, crumbled in a heap at my feet. I don’t do virgins. The words echoed in my head. Cruel and merciless. Tears filled my eyes like a flashflood; I wasn't able to blink fast enough to keep them at bay. But with the sadness came something else, another emotion I held onto: anger. I slapped Adrian across the face. The slap sounded loud in the silence of his apartment and for a moment I relished in the sight of my handprint on his perfect cheek. His green eyes grew wide and he raised his hand to touch the mark I’d left. Then I felt more tears rising up in my eyes and decided to make a run for it before I lost the last shreds of my dignity – if there were still any left. I grabbed my dress that lay on the ground and pressed it to my chest as a barrier, considering putting it on but deciding I couldn’t stand another second in Adrian’s proximity. Not looking at him, I turned around and ripped the door open. The corridor was empty – a small mercy. And then I ran, not bothering to wipe off the tears, not bothering to quiet my sobs, not caring that I was only wearing my lovely red lace underwear and black high heels. I just wanted to get away. I didn’t care if Adrian’s neighbors
saw me. It wasn’t as if I’d ever set foot into this building again after tonight. Oh god, how could a perfect evening have gone so wrong? I heard steps behind me and maybe even Adrian's voice, but I ran only faster. I smashed my palm against the call button of the elevator and its doors slid open immediately. I stumbled inside, squinting against the too bright elevator lights. I hit the button for the ground floor, followed by the one that closed the doors and slumped against the wall. In the moment before the doors shut completely, I could see Adrian rushing toward the elevator, fumbling with his belt. My heart thudded faster, then he disappeared from my view and the elevator began its descend. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my lips together, taking deep breaths through my nose. I had to calm myself. When I didn’t feel like I was going to have a mental breakdown anymore, I opened my eyes and slipped on my dress, then wrapped my arms around my chest, avoiding the mirror in the elevator. But from the corner of my eye, I could tell I looked like hell. At least, my mascara hadn’t run. Amy’s waterproof mascara was worth the money. I shook my head at the ridiculous thought. What did it even matter? Heat pressed against my eyes once more but I forced it back. I refused to cry again, at least until I was safe from running into other people. The elevator came to a halt and opened its doors. With a quick glance around to make sure nobody was close by, I dashed out, past the concierge who looked up from his
desk with a wide-eyed stare. I hurried through the front doors and out into the cold night. I shivered and no matter how hard I rubbed my arms I didn’t feel any warmer. This time Adrian wasn’t there to warm me with his body. Not that I wanted him to, not after what he’d said tonight. I was such an idiot. Shaking my head, I headed for my apartment building and staggered up the stairs, feeling myself losing it again. But I kept it together – barely – until I entered my apartment. Bruno wasn’t there to welcome and comfort me. Amy was playing babysitter for the evening so I could enjoy my date. A shrill laugh bubbled out of me. I thrust the door shut and leaned against it, trying to catch my breath, trying not to fall apart. This was all so fucked up. This wasn’t how this evening was supposed to end. This wasn’t how my first time was supposed to be. I felt sick and dizzy and tired, and so many other things that I didn't want to feel right now. I realized I’d left my keys in the lock. I opened my door again. Tears were running down my cheeks as I fumbled with the keys, but they seemed to be stuck in the stupid keyhole. “Fuck!” I muttered. Why couldn’t anything in my life be easy? I didn’t want anyone to see me like that, but sadly Amy and Jared must have heard my not so silent entrance. The door of their apartment opened and Amy poked her head out. She searched the corridor until she spotted me. One look at me and her eyes widened in horror. She rushed over to me, only dressed in a skimpy babydoll and
barefoot, but she didn’t care. If I were her, I’d be more worried about touching the disgusting corridor floor with my skin, but Amy had only eyes for me. That was Amy for you. I’d never had a friend like her. Well, at least not for a long time. I dropped my hands from the key still stuck in the keyhole. Amy wrapped her arms around me. “Nora, what’s the matter?” I shook my head, holding onto the last bit of my composure with a steely grip. Amy removed my key without trouble and closed my door before steering me towards their apartment, instead of mine. I didn't fight. I was too tired, too sad, too angry, too disappointed. Just too everything. Jared was sitting on their sofa, his legs propped up on the table and Bruno was curled up in his lap, deep asleep. That dog would sleep through a break in. Definitely not a guard dog. Jared turned his head, gawked at me and dropped his legs from the table. Bruno yapped in surprise and sat up, finally spotting me. Before he could dash toward me, Jared gripped him by the collar and stood. “What happened?” he asked quietly. Bruno wriggled in his arms, but I was glad Jared wasn’t putting him down. I would cuddle with Bruno later. Right now I needed time to think. There was murder written across Jared’s face as he studied me. Maybe he’d actually kill Adrian if I asked him nicely. Not that that would make me feel better. Or maybe it would, but I couldn’t do that to Jared. My homicidal thoughts actually gave me a brief moment of satisfaction, but then I caught sight of myself in
one of the many decorative mirrors in Amy’s apartment and felt my stomach tighten. I was a mess and I felt really sick. This was the problem with me. If I cried too hard, I always ended up sick. The wine definitely didn’t help either. A stronger wave of sickness washed over me. “I think I need to throw up,” I whispered, then clapped a hand over my mouth as if that could actually prevent the worst. Usually that wasn’t the case. I had experience with it, not only first hand, but also from watching too many customers throwing up in the bar. Amy ushered me into their bathroom and lifted the toilet lid – just in time. I bent over the white ceramic and hurled the evening’s dinner into the toilet bowl. Amy held my hair back and made small calming noises as I emptied my stomach. The acid of the wine burned in my throat. I sat back on my haunches, suddenly embarrassed. Amy let go of my hair and handed me a wet wash cloth. I rubbed my mouth and chin, then whispered. “Thank you.” Amy didn’t say anything. She was watching me with a small frown, her expression a mixture of dread and worry. I couldn’t take it anymore. I stumbled to my feet and took a step to the side toward the wash basin. Amy’s and Jared’s bathroom was only marginally bigger than mine but Amy had managed to make it seem more comfortable by adding bright pink shower curtains, matching towels and other touches of décor. I turned on the faucet and rinsed my mouth, then splashed some water in my face. Finally, I risked a look at my
reflection and immediately wished I hadn’t. Not just because I was pale and had finally managed to smudge my waterproof mascara all around my eyes, but also because I could see Amy’s face hovering behind my shoulder with that same look of almost tears on her face. Amy never lost her shit, so it seriously freaked me out that I was the reason for that expression on her face. And to make matters worse: she hadn’t closed the door and Jared kept casually walking by to take a peek at me. It was probably second nature for him as a future doctor to check up on people but I wished I was alone with my broken heart. Amy touched my shoulder and I met her eyes in the mirror. “Nora, what...” Amy voice broke. She swallowed visibly, then cleared her throat. “What happened?” “Can we sit down?” I asked in a hoarse voice. She bobbed her head in agreement, then took my arm as if I was too fragile to walk on my own. I let her lead me back into the living room, glad for her company. Jared leaned against their kitchen counter, Bruno still on his arm. His eyes followed me around the room but he never stopped patting Bruno’s head. Amy pushed me down on the sofa, then fetched a glass of water for me before she sat down beside me. I took a deep gulp of water. Jared pushed off the counter and took a few steps in our direction. He was still watching me in concern, but there was something else in his eyes, something dark. “What happened?” he repeated his question. “Did he force you?” his voice shook and it was from rage I realized.
Amy let out a small sound and gripped my hand. Guilt washed over me. Was that what they thought? Fuck. No wonder they were worried. Adrian had broken my heart, had ruined what was supposed to be a special night, but I’d wanted him, had wanted to sleep with him. But I’d also wanted to be loved and that was something he couldn’t give m e . I don’t do virgins. Anger and mortification jolted through me. I shook my head. “No. He didn't force me.” “Are you sure?” Amy asked carefully, her arms wrapping tightly around me. She smelled of vanilla and coffee, and she was warm, so I allowed myself to rest my head on her shoulder. I’d have the mother of all headaches tomorrow. But that was the least of my worries. “I am. Really.” Jared looked still doubtful, but he relaxed slightly which made me glad because I was worried that he’d actually confront Adrian. I didn’t need any more reasons to be embarrassed. “But something must have happened,” Amy said. She pulled back a few inches to better study my face. “The evening was lovely, at first. He took me to an Italian restaurant. We had dinner and we talked about Italy. He was so nice...and charming...We laughed and we had amazing wine.” My chest ached as I remembered those perfect hours. “Did he make you drunk?" Jared asked, his voice strained.
Bruno started wriggling again and this time Jared put him down. Bruno ran toward me and jumped on my lap. He started licking my face and some of the tightness in my chest loosened at the feeling of his soft fur against my palms. “No. He didn’t make me drink. We had wine for dinner. He drank even more than me, and I wasn’t really drunk. Maybe a bit tipsy, but I had an espresso after dinner to clear my head. I knew what I was doing. I was just stupid. I…” I shook my head, angry at myself and at Adrian. I’d been such an idiot, but Adrian…Adrian had acted like a major asshole. Okay, maybe I should have told him that it was my first time, but so what? It wasn’t like he’d felt the pain. What did it even matter to him if he was my first? He probably expected stellar performance from his women – his fuck buddies – in bed and I was obviously bound to disappoint. “What happened, Nora?” Amy asked softly. My eyes darted to Jared who was hovering in the middle of the apartment. I liked him, but I really didn’t want to go into the details of the night with him in earshot. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to tell Amy everything. Just thinking about it made me too embarrassed for words. Amy gave Jared a pointed look and he slunk back into the kitchen area and sat down at the table, then picked up the newspaper and raised it in front of his face. He could probably still hear us if we talked loudly, but at least he gave us the semblance of privacy. Amy turned back around to me and tucked her legs under
herself. Our sides were still pressed against each other, and neither of us moved away. “After dinner, we took a cab and when we got out, he asked me if I wanted to come up with him to his apartment.” I could see that Amy was struggling to stay silent and simply listen. ‘Duh’ was probably the word whirling in her mind right now. “I know what you’re thinking,” I said even more quietly. “But I felt validated by his interest in me. It’s not like I have guys standing in line for me. At least not guys I’m interested in. You probably think I’m stupid for feeling special when he asked me to come with him. After all, he has a new woman in his bed every night.” I shut my mouth, realizing that I was rambling. “I don’t think you’re stupid, Nora. I’d never judge you. I’m your friend and I’m worried, so tell me what happened that made you freak out like that. I’ve never seen you like that and I don’t want to ever again.” I took a deep breath, then peeked over to Jared to make sure he was still ‘reading’. “After he asked me to come up to his apartment, I said no at first. But even then, I wanted to say yes. We’d kissed in the cab and it had felt so good, better than anything I’d ever felt before.” I blushed, realizing how pathetic that made me sound. “So eventually I agreed to go up with him.” Amy pressed her lips together. “Let me guess, you didn’t tell him you were a virgin, right?” I closed my eyes for a moment. “I couldn’t. I didn’t want to ruin everything.” Well, good job. “I thought I didn’t mind that
he probably only wanted me for one night.” “You thought he’d change for you,” Amy said. “So you slept with him and then he told you to leave?” She was getting impatient. Ah, Amy, I couldn’t help but love her. I shook my head. “No, I mean, not exactly.” I lowered my head, staring at Bruno who’d fallen asleep in my lap. “In his apartment, we made out. In the hallway. And it all felt so good. I didn’t think straight. I didn’t want to think. Adrian pushed me up against the wall, and well…I cried out because it hurt when he entered me. He pulled out instantly. And he was shocked…and...and disgusted. He said...he said...” I let out a choked laugh. “He said 'I don't do virgins!'” Amy gasped, eyes widening in horror. “He didn’t!” Jared looked over his newspaper but I ignored him. I didn’t want to see his expression. “He did,” I whispered. “You should have seen his face, Amy. He looked repulsed.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, leaning my head against her shoulder. Amy rested her head on top of mine. “What a bastard. I can’t believe he said that. I can’t believe anyone would even think that. That sick fuck.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Amy never cursed like that, but then I sobered quickly. “I felt so dirty. I still feel.” “No, you don’t,” Amy said firmly. “If anything you should feel furious.” “I do. But…” I trailed off, my throat tightening. “You wanted something special, I know. But it’s only one time. The first time doesn’t count, especially not that first
time. It practically didn’t happen and you should forget about it right this second. You’ll have fabulous sex with guys that actually deserve you.” “It took me 21 years to find a guy willing to sleep with me. Fabulous sex is nothing I’m too hopeful about. And after tonight, after feeling like I was ripped apart, I’m in no rush to have sex again, believe me.” “The first time is seldom good. But it gets better. So much better,” Amy said the last three words in a conspiratorial whisper. “And honestly, it’s no surprise that it hurt. Your first time shouldn’t happen with an inconsiderate bastard against a wall. Jared took good care of me and my first time still hurt.” Amy and Jared shared a loving look over his newspaper. Tears shot into my eyes so quickly I had barely time to blink them back. I bet Jared whispered sweet nothings into her ear as he made love to her. I bet he held her in his arms afterward. I bet he cherished and loved her even back then. I bet he told her he loved her and actually meant it. High school sweethearts. How must it feel to never have your heart broken? Suddenly, I felt the walls closing in on me. I couldn’t stay a second longer in a room with Jared and Amy, and their love. I was such an idiot. I jerked to my feet, holding Bruno against my chest, and stumbled toward the door. “I should go to my apartment,” I mumbled. I tore the door open and stepped into the corridor, then froze. Adrian was standing in front of my apartment.
Chapter Fourteen I sucked in a breath in surprise. Adrian turned around and stared at me. I backed away into Amy’s apartment and closed the door again, my heart pounding in my chest. I bumped into Amy who’d followed me. “Nora?” “Adrian. He’s out there.” Bruno whined and I loosened my grip on him. I’d practically been crushing him against me. Jared appeared at my side. “That guy is in the hall now?” I nodded numbly, staring at the wood of the door. A knock sounded and I flinched. Jared walked past me and put his hand on the door handle, then gave Amy a look over his shoulder. She took my hand and pulled me away from the door and into their bedroom. “Let Jared deal with him.” I wasn’t sure what that meant and I honestly didn’t care. We stood right in front of the closed bedroom door, but Jared was talking too quietly for me to make out what he was saying to Adrian and maybe it was for the best. I was about to walk over to the bed and sink down when I heard Adrian's voice. “I don’t owe you anything, least of all an explanation. I need to see Nora.” “Fuck off,” Jared said loudly. “You better leave and never try to talk to Nora again.” “Or what?” Adrian snarled. The danger in his voice sent a shiver down my back. Amy shifted nervously beside me.
“Maybe I should go out,” I suggested, even though it was the last thing I wanted. I couldn’t face Adrian. Not so soon after what had happened, maybe never. “No,” Amy said. “Jared has a black belt. He can handle this.” A sudden burst of worry for Adrian filled me, but I squashed it. He deserved to have his ass kicked. “Or you’ll regret it,” Jared said. “Is that a threat?” There was commotion, and Amy took a step toward the door. She gave me an apologetic look, then disappeared into the living room. I hesitated. I needed to get a grip on myself. Taking a deep breath, I followed Amy, bracing myself for the sight of Adrian, but he was gone. Jared was leaning against the closed front door, massaging his wrist. Amy rushed toward him, taking his hand in hers. His knuckles were red, but that didn’t seem to bother Jared. He was rubbing his wrist. “What happened?” Jared shook his head. “Jared?” I asked. “He wanted to talk to you. I punched him.” “And you hurt your wrist when you punched him?” Amy asked doubtfully. “No, in the resulting shoving match. I’m pretty sure that Adrian guy has a black belt, too. Or at least martial arts experience. Quick bastard twisted my arm after I punched him.” My eyes widened and I stared at Jared’s wrist that was
turning as red as his knuckles. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your evening.” This day had turned into a nightmare. “Nonsense,” Amy said, but she didn’t stop prodding Jared’s wrist. “Jared’s wrist has seen worse. You don’t earn a black belt without your fair share of injuries on the way.” But those injuries hadn’t been my fault. “Amy’s right. And it felt good to punch that asshole. The only thing I’m angry about is that I let down my guard and he got the better of me.” “Then why did he leave?” “When he saw me, he left. Maybe he didn’t want to cause a scene in front of a woman,” Amy said. “He didn’t seem the chivalrous type when he told me he didn’t do virgins.” I couldn’t keep the bitterness from my voice. Jared looked away, probably embarrassed. “I’m a potential fuck buddy,” Amy said, her nose wrinkled. Jared jerked his head around, his eyes practically popping out of his head. “If he touches you, I’ll--” Amy silenced him with a kiss before he could deliver his threat. “Don’t worry, I have standards.” Her widened eyes snapped toward me. “Oh, Nora, I didn’t mean it like that.” “No, you’re right. I should have known better.” All the anger and mortification drained out of me until only tiredness was left. Amy put her arm around me. “You shouldn’t be alone tonight. You can sleep here.” I gave her an uncertain look and she said firmly. “No
objections.” My eyes darted to Jared who’d grabbed a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and was pressing it against his wrist. “Don’t try to argue. Amy will only chain you to our sofa if you try to leave.” I smiled gratefully. “Thanks. You’re the best, both of you. I don’t deserve you.” “Stop talking crazy. Now come on. I’ll give you one of my pajamas for the night.” I’d never seen Amy in anything that came close to pajamas. Babydolls, camisoles, tiny shorts that I filed under lingerie, yes, but not pajamas. If I had a boyfriend to seduce, I’d probably go for sexy too, but as it was comfortable would do. I pushed the bitterness aside. Amy opened the dresser in their bedroom and scanned the pile of nightclothes. “Maybe you can just give me one of Jared’s shirts?” I said, then wondered if that was something I shouldn’t have suggested. Wearing your best friend’s boyfriend’s shirts was probably a no-go. Amy, however, didn’t seem offended. She was too busy perusing her clothes. “Aha!” she exclaimed and pulled out flannel pajamas with yellow ducks on them. She held them up for my approval and I cracked a smile. “You’re wearing those?” Amy smiled sheepishly. “Only when Jared’s gone and I need something to keep me warm and snuggly.” I took the pajamas. They were incredibly soft. “They’re perfect.” She nodded toward their bathroom. “I’ll wait for you to get
ready?” “Are you going to read me a goodnight story too?” Somehow the words sounded more snippy than I’d intended. I shook my head, then smiled apologetically. Amy gave me a little shove. “Get ready while I pick a story.” What would it take to get Amy angry? She was always so considerate and kind. No wonder Jared adored her. When I stepped into the bathroom, my eyes landed on the shower. For a moment, I considered washing Adrian’s scent off of me, to wash the memories off of me, but I didn’t want to impose on Amy anymore than I already had. Instead I wiggled out of the dress, looking at it with something close to wistfulness. I wouldn’t wear it ever again. I hoped goodwill could use it. I slipped the pajamas on, then left the bathroom. Amy had already pulled out their sofa and set out a pillow and a blanket for me. We settled on the couch again and Jared quietly snuck into their bedroom. I leaned my head against the backrest. A headache was hammering in my skull and there was a twinge in my abdomen. “Do you have Tylenol?” Amy hopped off the couch and returned a couple of minutes later with a glass of water and two pills. I washed them down with the water, then stretched out on the sofa-bed. “Go to Jared. I’ll be fine.” Amy looked doubtful. “I could sleep on the sofa with you.” “No,” I said quickly. “I’ll be fine, Amy, honestly. Just like you said, it was only one time. In a few months I’ll probably laugh about everything. It meant nothing. Adrian meant
nothing.” Amy kissed my cheek, then headed off to the bedroom. I extinguished the lamp on the side table and stared into the darkness, my last words replaying in my mind. It meant
nothing. Adrian meant nothing. LIAR. Today – tonight, those words were lies, but tomorrow, I promised myself they’d be true.
Chapter Fifteen I awoke with a steady pounding in my head. It felt like my skull was going to burst any second. I sat up, blinking back sleep. For a moment, I was disorientated and confused but then as I shifted and felt the soreness between my legs, everything came crashing back down on me. I'd hoped that maybe I’d had enough wine last night to not remember everything but my memories were as sharp as if I was seeing them on Amy’s iPad. I could remember every mortifying moment of last night. I buried my face in the soft pillow and drew in a deep breath, trying to hold back tears. I’d thought a night’s sleep would dull the ache in my chest. It didn’t. My mortification, my sadness, my anger were as fresh and raw as last night. The anger was the only emotion I was glad to have. Anger was something I could deal with. Maybe. But the rest… I'd always wondered how my first time was going to be, and now all those silly imaginations had been proven wrong. So very wrong. A long time ago I’d imagined my first time to be with my first love, the guy I’d been pining for from freshman year until graduation. Of course, I’d given up on that fantasy a long time ago. I quickly shoved that thought out of my brain. It led to nothing good. Later, after high school, I’d thought it would happen with someone I met in New York after moving there, someone I loved. Back then I still
believed in love at first sight. Then later I’d resigned myself to the fact that I’d lose my virginity in a meaningless fling with a decent guy just to finally lose it. I’d been in that state of mind when I first laid eyes on Adrian and everything would have been perfectly fine if I’d remained in that state of mind (well, Adrian’s words would have stung even then), but somehow along the way of watching Adrian screw other women, I’d inexplicably fallen for him. Fallen in lust, as Amy called it, and maybe it had been just that; until our shared dinner, until I heard him talk about Italy, until I heard him laugh, until I caught the briefest peek behind his mask. There was a fine line between falling in lust and falling in love, and I’d crossed it willingly – had practically smashed it like a lovesick Hulk, because deep down I’d really thought things between Adrian and me would be different, that I’d be different from all the women he’d had before. I'd been stupid and naïve. Silly, stupid, naïve Nora. And I couldn’t even blame Adrian, at least not for the meaningless sex part. He’d never given any indication that I was more to him than a fling. He’d pointedly ignored Giovanne’s question if I would visit the restaurant again. I wished I could have blamed it on the wine. I wished I could say that if I hadn't drunk an entire bottle of it, I would have been clever enough to decline Adrian's suggestion to go up to his apartment. But I’d promised myself last night that I was done lying to myself. I’d been intoxicated by Adrian, not by the wine. I’d wanted him. I’d wanted to be the one to capture his heart. God, all those fucking Hollywood
romances must have gotten to my head if I’d actually believed I could convince Adrian of a monogamous life with me of all people. Adrian.
I don't do virgins. The words echoed in my head over and over again, tearing at me, hurting me. I'd been so stupid. So very, very stupid. I'd thought I could change him, could change his antics, could make him care for me. And now I was just another notch on his belt. Just another woman who'd spread her legs for him. Just another one of his whores. I choked back a sob but I couldn't stop the tears from falling and soaking the pillow. Something warm and furry pressed itself against my cheek, and a teary smile curved my lips. I turned my head slightly and found Bruno curled up on the pillow next to me, his brown eyes gazing at me. He wasn't really allowed to be on my pillow, especially since this was Amy's guest-bed, but I decided to let him get away with it. I untangled my hand from the blankets and wiped the tears off my face. I made another promise right then: I wouldn’t cry over Adrian ever again. I stroked Bruno’s head gently and he closed his eyes and let out a little snuffle; a sign that he enjoyed the attention he was receiving. I needed to thank Jared and Amy for keeping an eye on him last night, and for taking care of me. It was mortifying to think that I'd told them everything. Even if Jared had pretended to be immersed in his newspaper for my sake, I knew he’d heard every word I’d said. And even if
he hadn’t, I was pretty sure Amy told him everything. They were that kind of couple. Maybe I could at least blame my oversharing on the wine; I'd have never told them about the most horrible evening of my life in such detail if I’d been completely sober, but I wasn’t even sure if that was the truth. I’d wanted to confide in Amy. But now, I wasn't sure if I could ever face them again, especially Amy. She'd warned me against going on a date with Adrian, had practically begged me to tell Adrian about my inexperience, and I'd ignored everything she'd said. If I’d at least told him about my virginity, he would have dumped my sorry ass before banging me against the wall. I swung my legs out of the sofa bed, startling Bruno. He jumped to the ground with a reproachful face. My eyes drifted over to the front door. Maybe I could sneak out of the apartment without their notice, and then I could move out of my apartment, leave New York and return to my parents. I could already imagine what my mother would say. She’d always been against me moving to New York. I staggered to my feet and took a step toward the door, then I stopped. No. I was done being pathetic. I was not going to run away from my life or Amy. Not because of Adrian. Not because of anyone. I’d done that once before. A knock made me tense, thinking it was coming from the front door and Adrian had returned, but then the bedroom door swung open and Amy’s head peered around the corner. When she saw I was awake and up, she came into the room. She frowned. “Were you about to leave?” She put
her hands on her hips. “No, not anymore.” Amy gave me a puzzled look, then nodded toward the kitchen corner. “Let’s make breakfast. I need carbs and coffee.” People always mistook Amy for a health fanatic who banned fat, carbs and everything tasty from her diet because she was vegan. Those people should try her coconut-banana pancakes. She was whipping them up as I sat at the kitchen table, sipping her delicious coffee. She bustled around the kitchen, humming under her breath. She opened a cupboard, took out two plates, then kicked the door shut with her bare foot. She was wearing a baby-blue satin camisole and matching tiny shorts, but her hair was all over the place. She’d cut it recently into a sharp bob that reached her chin. She gave me a smile as she loaded out plates with pancakes, then topped them with coconut whipped cream and maple syrup. Their sweet smell filled me up and I let out a sigh. She put a plate down in front of me and balanced the other on her knees, her legs pulled up against her body. Her fork hovered inches above the pancakes, her eyes glued to me. “You probably don’t want me to ask how you feel?” I shrugged and pushed a massive chunk of pancake into my mouth. I chewed slowly before I replied. “I won’t say I’m fine because that’s not true. But I will be fine eventually.” I was glad she hadn’t mentioned my puffy eyes. They were a
pretty good indicator for my mood. “Yes, you will. What about Leon?” She slipped a piece of pancake into her mouth. “Oh, mhhh. I’ve outdone myself.” “What about Leon?” She wriggled her bare toes. “Well, we need to find someone who will make your second and third and fourth and all the following times as good as they can get.” I dropped my fork. It clanked against the plate, then landed on the table top, sprinkling it with whipped cream and syrup. “No, absolutely not.” “What? You don’t even know what I was going to say,” Amy said indignantly. I rolled my eyes and picked up the fork I’d dropped, then took a napkin and wiped away the syrup off the table top. “I know you.” Bruno walked over to Amy, then rolled on his back and let out a low snore. Amy began petting him with a bare foot. “I just think you need a little help moving on from Adrian.” She got up and fetched us both a glass of orange juice. “I know you said it meant nothing but we both know that’s not true.” I stared down at the remains of my pancakes and the syrup pooling around it, suddenly not hungry anymore. “I don’t want to move on. At least, not like that. I don’t want to go looking for a new guy to break my heart.” “Oh Nora,” Amy said quietly. Shit, why did I have to say Adrian had broken my heart? I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about this, about
Adrian anymore. I just want to pretend last night never happened. Can we do that?” Amy nodded. “Of course. But if you ever feel like talking about it or men again, tell me.” “Don’t worry. There’s no one else I could talk to anyway.” “So Janet has discovered her passion for jackfruit. She’s introduced three new dishes with jackfruit in them. And they all taste perfect. It’s scary how close her jackfruit jerky and her shredded jackfruit come to tasting like actual meat. I don’t think people would even realize there wasn’t shredded chicken in their tacos if we weren’t a vegan restaurant. You have to come for lunch soon and taste it!” I gave Amy a grateful smile. Only she could change the topic that smoothly and entertainingly. “I think I’ll take you up on that offer. Shredded pork and chicken tacos are something I’ve been really missing since I stopped eating meat.” She smiled widely at me, then stuffed more pancake into her mouth before she began to chatter about a few of her odd customers in the restaurant. I took a few bites from my pancake as well, laughing occasionally about something she told me. Bruno was too focused on the food to pay much attention to us, though Amy was still patting him. He would choose food over women any time. Having Amy act so normally, like a true friend, showed me once again that I couldn’t run away from her and Jared, and my life. I didn’t enjoy working in the bar, but I liked Leon and Mona, and I actually kind of liked living in New York even if I
was constantly broke. And then there were Amy and Jared. They meant so much to me, especially Amy, and I would not lose her because I'd been stupid enough to sleep with Adrian. I wondered what he was doing now. Probably laughing his ass off because I'd spread my legs for him. Or maybe he was disgusted because he'd slept with a little, stupid virgin. And tonight he would likely take the next woman into his bed and bang her. In a few days he would have forgotten about me completely. I wished I could say the same about me, but I would never be able to forget what had happened. I'd given him a part of me. I wasn’t someone who attached great importance to her hymen, but it would certainly have been nice to do the deed with a somewhat decent guy. Instead I’d fallen for the epitome of a bad boy. I would never again be able to roll my eyes at a protagonist who fell in love with the bad boy in a book. I was that girl now. I let out a small sigh, causing Amy to stop talking and look at me. “I think I'll spend a few days in Harrington. I'm missing my parents and I haven’t been home in a while,” I told her, trying not to let my inner turmoil show. Even though it was a spontaneous decision to go home for a few days, I knew it was the right one. Amy’s expression turned worried. “You're not thinking about moving back in with your parents, are you?” I shook my head. “No, not anymore. There was a brief moment of panic last night when I considered it, but not
anymore. I want to be a writer and New York is publishing central.” Not that it was doing me much good… She regarded me closely for a moment before a relieved smile broke out on her face. “Good. I wouldn't have enjoyed coming to Harrington to kidnap you and drag you back to New York with me, if you'd chosen to move back.” I couldn’t help but grin at her. Amy had that effect on people, and especially me. I didn’t doubt for a second that she would have come to my parents’ house to give me a tongue-lashing. “Will you take Bruno with you?” I nodded, glancing at my little pug; he was sleeping on his side, his hind legs twitching as if he was dreaming about running. “Yes. I'll just have to call my boss later because I'm supposed to work the next few days, and then I'll leave as soon as possible.” Jack would be royally pissed that I bailed on him, but I needed a change of scenery. But he wouldn’t fire me. I doubted he’d easily find someone else for the job. Who was keen on working minimum wage plus meager tips and get their butts touched on a daily basis? Amy grabbed my hand. “Promise me you’ll have fun. Promise me you won’t dwell on that night. Promise me you won’t think about that asshole for one second, don’t even give him that much of your time. Just forget about him. He's not worth it. You'll find a nice, caring guy. You’re too good not to.” I didn't say anything but I forced a smile. It would be hard enough not to think about Adrian every waking moment of
the day. Until I wouldn’t think about him at all anymore, that would take a long, long time. I put down my fork. “I think I need to get home and take a shower. I’ll wash your pajamas and bring them to you before I leave.” “Don’t worry about it.” I rose and winced from the soreness between my legs. Amy noticed of course. “Maybe you should take some pain killers,” she suggested gently. I shook my head. “No, I want to be reminded of my stupidity as long as possible, then I won't do something like that again.” Amy's forehead creased in concern but she didn't argue with me. She stood as well and gave me a smile. “And really you can keep my pajamas for as long as you want. Gives me a reason to go shopping.” I shook my head with a little grin and picked Bruno up from the floor. Amy followed me toward the door. “Thank you, Amy. For everything,” I whispered and hugged her briefly, eliciting a yelp of protest from Bruno who was squeezed between us. Amy shook her head. “Any time.” Then she huffed. “Well, I hope you won’t meet anymore jerkfaces like that guy.” She pulled back. “But I mean it, Nora. You can come to me with anything.” “I know,” I said, pushing down the door handle. “Please tell Jared thanks from me. The poor guy has been hiding in the
bedroom all morning because of me. Don’t deny it.” Amy smirked. “He’ll survive. He’s got his iPad and is probably playing Tetris.” I laughed. “Save him from himself then,” I said, then walked out, waving her good-bye as I crossed the corridor toward my apartment. When I unlocked the door, I thought I caught the scent of Adrian's aftershave. I shook my head in annoyance and pushed the door open. I set Bruno down, threw my red dress onto the ground and headed for the phone to call the bar. After the twentieth ring, Leon picked up. I flushed, when I remembered Amy’s suggestion, then shook it off. “Hi Leon, it’s me Nora. I need to visit my parents for a few days. Can you tell Jack that I can’t come to work the next three days?” Leon laughed. “He’s in his office. You could tell him yourself.” His tone was joking and light. I didn’t say anything. “You don’t want to talk to him, right?” “He loves you Leon. He won’t shout at you for being the bearer of bad news, but he’ll definitely shout at me. I just don’t want to deal with that right now.” All playfulness disappeared from Leon’s tone. “Is everything okay?” Great, so much for leaving the past behind. I couldn’t even pretend I was fine over the phone. I hoped my mother wouldn’t pick up on my bleak mood. She was like a
bloodhound when she thought I was keeping a secret from her. “I’m fine. I just need a break from the bar and New York.” “Who doesn’t?” “You. Born and bred in Brooklyn, you’re practically in a symbiotic relationship with New York.” “True.” “So will you tell Jack?” “Of course. But you owe me.” Was he actually flirting with me? Why did he have to decide to do it after Adrian screwed me over? “Okay. And thank you.” I could hear Mona shouting something in the background. “I need to go. Have fun,” Leon said quickly, then hung up. I stared down at my phone for a moment. Maybe I’d imagined Leon’s flirty tone. I wasn’t used to subtlety when it came to flirting. Customers in the bar were always very plain about what they wanted to do with me, and Adrian hadn’t really beaten about the bush either. Speaking of bush. That was the first thing I was going to reclaim. I didn’t have anyone to impress anymore so bye bye Depiladoras and torturous sugar waxing. Take that, Adrian. I walked toward my bed and my eyes immediately flew to the window and the binoculars lying discarded on the windowsill. I felt unreasonable anger toward them. If I’d never started spying on Adrian, everything would have been fine. A thought struck me and I took a step back. My
curtains weren’t drawn and I was far from the window, but what if Adrian was watching me?
Chapter Sixteen I immediately felt stupid for thinking Adrian would bother watching my window. Oh please, as if Adrian is even still thinking about you, a nasty voice snarled in my head. He’s probably forgotten your name already. He’s probably already hunting for the next panties to get into. I hurried into the bathroom and closed the folding door behind me. I couldn’t wait to leave my apartment for a few days. I needed a break. I shed my clothes before I stepped into the small shower cabin. The soreness between my legs was almost completely gone by now. Maybe it should have lasted longer. It would have been the perfect punishment for my stupidity. I turned the water on and let it pour down my body, hot and calming. Every shower in the previous weeks had included fantasies of Adrian, of how it would be to take a shower with him, to run my hands over his chest…But that would never happen now. I don’t do virgins. The words wouldn’t stop popping into my head and they were always accompanied by Adrian’s face as he said them. I think his disgusted face had burnt itself into my brain. Only thinking about it mortified me to no end. I'd been such a mess last night. Crying and throwing up…I don’t know how I’d have handled things without Amy's help. I shook my head. I had to try to see the good in what happened: People learn
from their mistakes, so I would never fall for an asshole again. And I could probably use the whole thing in a book someday. I snorted. I grabbed the soft sponge and ran it over my body, trying to relax. I'd almost managed when I brushed between my legs. Adrian’s fingers had felt so good as he’d stroked me there. Why did he have to fuck up so majorly? I swore quietly under my breath and dropped the sponge before turning off the water. Maybe I should try to slip in the shower and hit my head on the tiles. People got amnesia like that, right? I’d probably just start lusting for Adrian again if I forgot what had happened. I deserved to live with the memories of my mortification. Stupidity deserved punishment. I'd known about Adrian's manwhorish-ways, had watched him bang more than one woman through my binoculars, and yet I'd foolishly thought he'd be different with me. I got out of the shower cabin, drying myself off with a not so soft towel. For a brief moment, I could feel the warning heat of tears behind my eyes, but I willed them away. Never again. I glared at my reflection when I passed the mirror. It took me ten minutes until I was dressed in jeans and a sweater, and had packed a bag for my trip to my parents. I needed to leave as soon as possible. I would return, but right now I needed some space. If I met Adrian in the parking lot by chance, I wouldn't be able to pull myself together, and I didn't want to cry in front of him, or end up strangling him. I put Bruno on his leash and grabbed my
bag before leaving my apartment and locking the door behind me. I decided not to call my parents and surprise them with my visit instead. Maybe I could even startle my mother into silence. She always asked too many questions, and yet I was looking forward to seeing her and Dad again, especially Dad. He would never say so, but I knew he missed me a lot, more than Mom. I decided to rent a car instead of going by public transportation, which was a pain in the ass because Harrington was difficult to reach. *** It took me a little over three hours to reach my home town. It was shortly after four in the afternoon when I pulled up in front of the house. Two stories, white porch and flower beds with yellow and lilac flowers. To my surprise Dad's Toyota was parked in the driveway. I would have expected him to still be at work in his vet practice, but maybe he’d decided to take afternoons off after I moved out. Maybe he was worried that my mother would die of boredom without me there to fight with. I grabbed Bruno and set him down on the sidewalk, then grabbed my bag and got out of my car. Barking sounded from inside the house. Of course, Brownie and Donut would hear me before I even got close to the front door. Bruno yanked on his leash, desperate to get going. The door of the house swung open and Dad stood on the porch, looking at me in surprise. He was still in his black ‘work’ Crogs, so he couldn't have been home for long. Bruno tore even
harder, and I let go of his leash. He stormed over to Dad, wagging his stubby tail excitedly. Brownie and Donut dashed out of the house, whirling around Bruno, then advancing on me. They were both black and white Bearded Collies and had more energy than a buttload of caffeine and Red Bull could ever give me. They jumped at me and it was all I could do not to fall over. I dropped my bag and patted them. Dad let out a whistle and Brownie and Donut stopped their assault of me and trotted back to him. “Thanks, Dad,” I said with a laugh. I picked up my bag, but Dad came toward me, hugged me and then took it from me. Dad’s hair was almost entirely gray now but it was still full, not a bald spot in sight. I’d inherited my thick brown hair from him. “We didn’t expect you home this weekend. Don’t you have to work?” Bruno, Brownie and Donut disappeared into the house. “No, not in the next few days.” It wasn’t a lie, after all. There was a hint of worry in his blue eyes. “Wonderful. We’re glad you’re home.” I’d forgotten how annoying it was that Dad always talked for him and Mom when she wasn’t even around. They were just like Amy and Jared. The forever and ever kind of love of soulmates. Couldn’t their luck have rubbed off on me? “Where’s Mom?” “In the kitchen, baking her famous Apple pie.” We walked into the house. Barking was coming from the kitchen, then Mom’s voice. “You need to share with each other. Here another bite for you.”
I followed the noise into the kitchen with its white fronts and dark wooden counters. Mom was busy feeding Bruno a strip of bacon. Brownie and Donut were still chewing on theirs, but already eying the plate loaded with more bacon on the table. “That’s not good for dogs, you know?” I said as a way of greeting. “Too much fat and salt.” “Oh shush, I never see Bruno anymore. Let me spoil him when he’s here.” Of course that was her subtle way of telling me that I should visit more often, or better yet move back to Harrington. She finally turned her attention away from the dogs, wiped her greasy hands on a kitchen towel and then opened her arms wide. I hugged her, then pulled back. “Has anything happened?” she asked, her forehead creased in worry as she studied my expression. The dogs were alternating between watching her back and the plate of bacon. I shook my head. “Of course not. Why would you think that?” “Because you show up here without us nagging you about it. It’s just odd.” “I missed you and Dad. That’s all.” Mom looked doubtful. She still had hardly any wrinkles, only a few lines around the eyes. I hoped I would look this good when I was fifty. Her blond hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail and beneath her apron she was wearing a flowery dress. “Are you sure?” I would never tell Mom about Adrian. It was too
embarrassing. Mom would probably say that it was my fault for moving to a city like New York. There were no decent men there. Sometimes I thought she was right. And I didn't want Dad to go to jail for breaking a few bones in Adrian’s body, or at least try to break them. If Jared was right and Adrian knew how to fight, then Dad was doomed. He wasn’t exactly the warrior type. More a care bear. I giggled, and now Mom looked even more concerned. “I'm fine, Mom, honestly. I just wanted to spend some time at home and with you.” She gave me a look that said she knew I wasn't telling the entire truth, but she didn't say anything. Dad appeared in the doorway, smiling. “I took your bag up to your room.” His eyes flitted between me and mom, probably worried we were fighting. Bruno was still sniffing the floor excitedly, searching for more bacon. “You really shouldn’t give him human food,” I said to change the topic. “Who else is going to eat it then? You’re still a vegetarian, right?” She always said the word vegetarian as if it was something offensive. “Yes, Mom.” I considered lying that I was a vegan just to make her freak out completely, but deciding that I wasn’t a teen who lived for riling up her parents anymore, I refrained. “Dad can eat it.” Dad was, after all, eying the bacon with almost as much longing as the dogs. “Your dad’s on a diet. His cholesterol was over the roof.”
Dad shrugged, looking sheepish. “It wasn’t that bad.” “You’re not eating the bacon,” Mom said, jabbing a finger in his direction. “What about the cake?” I nodded toward the apple pie sitting in the open oven. “I’d take a piece of that.” “That’s for the party tonight,” Mom said. Dad’s eyes lit up. “You can come. Maybe you’ll meet old friends.” Mom gave him a look. What friends? Most of them had gone to college all over the country and the rest…well, that was something I really didn’t want to think about. I raised my eyebrows. “Party?” Mom fiddled with her apron, then threw the dogs a few more bites of bacon. “Yes, Frank and Liz are celebrating their 30th anniversary.” I froze. “You mean the Millers?” Dad’s and Mom’s eyes met, then she shrugged. “Of course. You should really come.” She paused. “I’m sure Rachel will be happy to see you.” Rachel and I hadn’t talked since senior year, since our huge fallout two months before graduation. I forced a smile. “I doubt it. We haven’t been friends in a while.” “Such a shame. You two were inseparable since kindergarten. I still don’t understand--” “Mom,” I said in warning. “Not this again.” Dad wrapped an arm around my and then Mom’s shoulder.
“Let’s not argue.” He kissed Mom’s temple. “And I think you should come to the party. It’s your chance to see half of town again.” Dad knew that I had more trouble refusing him than Mom. “Okay, but I can’t promise that I’ll enjoy it.” “Perfect,” Dad said, then dropped his arms off our shoulders, snatched the last piece of bacon from the plate and pushed it into his mouth before Mom could react. She shook her head, fighting a smile. “That means no apple pie for you tonight.” “We’ll see.” Any moment they’d start making out. How could they still be in love after such a long time? “So when does the party start?” I asked quickly. “At seven.” I chanced a look at the clock on the wall. It was almost five by now and it would take a bit to get ready for a party. “I assume I should wear a dress?” “There’s no dress code,” Mom said, then eyed my sweater and jeans. “But a dress would be good.” I wished Amy were here to dress up and for moral support. Rachel would be at the party, and so would Ben, the reason why Rachel and I had stopped talking. I needed to look good. “I'll find something appropriate,” I said to Mom, then turned and left the kitchen. I took the steps two at a time and stepped into my old room. It still looked exactly as I’d left it three years ago. There were even still the empty spots on the wall where
photos of Rachel and me had hung before I’d removed them. Bruno trotted after me into my bedroom and jumped on my bed. “No,” I said firmly and set him down to the ground. After the last few weeks, he apparently thought that he could sleep on my bed whenever he wanted. He turned his furry butt toward me and strutted toward his dog basket, the only new addition to the room since I’d moved out. I smiled a little as I watched him. I'd managed not to think about Adrian those last few minutes but now everything seemed to be crashing down on me. I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. A confrontation with Rachel was really the last thing I needed on my plate right now. Having successfully fought the urge to cry, I took another breath and opened my eyes. I perused my wardrobe for an appropriate dress. There wasn't much to choose from and I hadn’t packed any fancy dresses. Two dresses hung in my wardrobe. I’d worn neither for years. A dark-red, floor-length dress that I'd worn to my cousin’s wedding two years ago, and my prom dress. Since I thought that a bridesmaid dress was a bit too much for a party, I grabbed my prom dress. It was a cocktail dress that reached my knees. The fabric was dark-green and looked like silk, and the corset was embroidered with twine a shade darker than the actual dress. It showed a bit more skin than I was usually comfortable with outside of work, since it had spaghetti-straps and a low neckline. Dad had thrown a fit when he'd seen it the first time but he'd let
me wear it to prom after some arguing. I decided to take another shower. Afterward, I lay down on the bed to rest a bit. I hadn’t gotten all that much sleep last night. *** A couple of minutes before six I startled awake. Knocking was coming from my door. “Nora?” Mom opened the door and stepped in without waiting for my reply. Would she ever learn to honor my privacy? She took in my rumpled appearance as I sat yawning on my bed. “You need to get ready for the party. You didn’t change your mind, did you?” “No,” I said and got out of bed. Mom’s eyes landed on the prom dress I’d put over my desk chair. “That’s what you’re going to wear?” “Yes. I don’t have anything else, and I always thought it was a pity that I only wore it once. It’s not a wedding dress after all.” I regretted my words as soon as I saw my mother’s expression. A bloodhound on a trail. “So,” she said too casually. “Is there someone? A boyfriend?” Then when I glared at her. “Or girlfriend?” “Oh God.” I seized the prom dress. “It would be a boyfriend, Mom, don’t worry.” “I’m not worried about you being gay,” she said. “I just want you to be happy. For you to find someone. I don’t care if it’s a man or a woman. You can’t share your life with a pug forever.” “I won’t.” Or will I? “It’s just hard to find the right person. Can
we please not talk about this anymore? I need to get ready.” She nodded slowly, then left without another word. Bruno rushed through the door after her. Traitor. I got out of my clothes and slipped into the soft dress before I pulled my hair out of its ponytail and brushed it until it flowed down my back nicely. Then I put some make up on and searched for shoes that would go with the dress. After some rummaging I found a pair of black ballerinas and put them on. When I straightened up, I realized I should have brought high heels. The dress looked much better with them. But the only shoes that would have matched the dress were the high heels I’d worn last night. No, thank you. The party would hopefully distract me from these thoughts. “Nora, are you ready?” Dad called from downstairs. Mom was probably miffed at me for refusing to talk about my love life with her. Love life, what a joke. “Yes,” I shouted and took a deep breath, trying to stop thinking of him. I left my room and hurried down the steps. Dad stood in front of the mirror in the hall, fidgeting with his tie but he looked up when he heard my steps and smiled. “You look beautiful,” he said, then frowned. “That dress looks familiar.” I grabbed his tie and straightened it. “The last time I wore it, you freaked.” “I did?” “Yes, I wore it for prom and you said it was too revealing.”
“Oh. Well, you were so young back then. I had to protect you.” “And now I’m old, so you don’t have to worry?” He grinned. “No, now you’re a grown woman and can take care of yourself.” If he only knew. Mom bustled out of the kitchen, carrying the apple pie and dressed in a gorgeous dark blue, knee-length dress. “You look great,” I said. She looked surprised and I felt guilty. I knew I should be nicer to her. “Thanks, darling. So do you. It’s a good sign that you still fit into your prom dress. Many girls gain weight after graduation. I suppose all the stress in college leads to overeating. At least, there’s one good thing about your decision to work.” I let her comment go, and thankfully Dad opened the door. “We should get going or we’ll be late.” “Where do they celebrate?” I asked as we got into the Toyota. “The party is held at their house. They have more than enough space after all,” Mom said. I remembered the huge house of the Millers. Rachel’s family was old money. I’d spent so many days and nights there, having slumber parties, eating popsicles on their swing hammock. “Nora, are you sure you are quite alright?” Dad glanced at me through the rearview mirror. “I'm fine, Dad.”
“She doesn’t want to talk to us,” Mom said in a hurt tone. Why had I thought coming home was a good idea? Five minutes later, we drove into the private road that led up to the Miller’s house, though mansion would have been the more appropriate term. We pulled up in front of a magnificent house with a huge driveway that circled around a small fountain. I didn’t know anyone else who had a fountain. A strange sensation of wistfulness washed over me as I took in my surroundings. I hadn’t even realized until now that I’d missed this place, that I’d missed Rachel. We’d spent so much time together, sitting on the edge of the fountain, dipping our feet into the cold water, talking about school, teachers, our favorite bands and boys. Most of the time we’d been alone. Rachel’s father had worked all day in the family business and Rachel’s mother had been busy helping him. When we were young, at least Rachel’s brother had still been around sometimes, though he’d avoided us. He’d been seven years our senior and had stayed in his room when I was there. After he graduated, when we were eleven, he was never around anymore. Dad found a free spot and parked the car. There were already more than a dozen cars parked around the driveway. We got out of the car and walked up to the front door with its white stone columns. Suddenly, I froze, remembering something. Rachel’s brother had been called Adrian.
Chapter Seventeen Adrian Miller, not Black. Mom and Dad looked over their shoulders at me. I’d fallen a few steps behind. The tension leaked out of my body. And Rachel’s brother had looked nothing like my Adrian. My Adrian? Not that I remembered that much about Rachel’s brother. He’d been blond like Adrian Black, all the Millers were blond and he’d even had green eyes, but he’d also been overweight. And not just a little chubby. He’d been the fat kid in school. The genius, fat kid. I almost laughed in relief. And Adrian hadn't mentioned Harrington or Rachel or his parents, not that we’d talked about his private life that much. “Are you coming?” Mom asked, a hint of impatience in her voice. Dad’s hand was already poised over the bell, waiting for me to catch up with them. I let out a small breath and joined them in front of the door. The sound of Jazz music and laughter was coming from inside the house. Dad gave me a small frown, but he didn’t ask any questions. Mom on the other hand looked like she was going to combust from curiosity. She knew something was going on. I hoped she would blame it on my broken friendship with Rachel. Dad rang the bell and a minute later the door was opened
and Frank Miller stood there, beaming at us. My breath got stuck in my throat. Dad and he shook hands, then Mr. Miller kissed my mother’s hand. Mr. Miller was practically the older version of Adrian. His eyes were the exact shade of green as Adrian’s, his hair was the exact shade of golden blond as Adrian’s. They even had the same strong jaw. But Adrian’s last name was Black, not Miller. Maybe he was a distant cousin, who wasn’t invited and only by accident looked like the spitting image of Frank Miller. And then another memory crashed my hopes. Rachel’s mother had been called Black before the marriage. Adrian must have assumed her name after high school. Fuck. But wait a minute. Maybe the fact that Adrian had changed his name meant he hated his father and wasn’t invited to the party. A girl could hope, right? I realized three pairs of eyes were watching me. “Nora,” my mother said tensely. “Are you listening?” I smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry. I was lost in my thoughts.” “No worries, Nora. It’s been a long time,” Frank Miller said with a smile. “I’m sure Rachel will be happy to see you.” Mom gave me her ‘see? I told you so’ – look. I had more important things on my mind than a potential fight with Rachel. It was nothing in comparison to the major embarrassment a meeting with Adrian would be. For a moment, I considered asking Mr. Miller if his son was called Adrian Black, but then I pushed the thought aside. That would make Mom really suspicious and I couldn’t risk her breathing down my neck during the party. I didn’t want her
anywhere close to me when I ran across Adrian. My stomach coiled tightly. Maybe I could just pretend I didn’t feel well and leave. I wouldn’t even have to pretend that much. I was actually feeling like I was going to be sick. Mr. Miller stepped aside and opened the door wider. “Come in.” Mom and Dad followed him inside but I was frozen to the spot. “Nora?” Mom raised her eyebrows at me. I gathered my courage and entered the house. The two story high entrance hall was deserted but I could hear voices in the other rooms of the house and it sounded like half of Harrington was here, but I didn't care who was here, as long as it wasn't him. “Here let me take this from you and bring it into the kitchen,” Mr. Miller said, relieving my mother of her apple pie. He disappeared into the kitchen, his dress shoes clicking on the white marble floor, but returned less than a minute later. He led us into the vast living area with floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the forest bordering their premises. But that wasn't what took my breath away and made me feel faint. Adrian. There he stood at the other end of the room beside the enormous stone fireplace, dressed in a black business suit, a white dress shirt and a silver tie. He was smiling at his mother who hovered beside him. Then his green eyes settled on me. The smile dropped from his face and he looked every bit as shocked as I felt. Feeling Mom’s eyes on me, I tried to keep my face neutral. I wasn’t sure I was
succeeding because my insides felt like they were turning to liquid. As if on autopilot I followed Mr. Miller through the gathered guests, occasionally forcing a smile in the direction of a familiar face. We were heading straight for Adrian and his mother. Please, let the ground swallow me. Adrian’s eyes were on me the entire time, but I couldn’t look at his face. My gaze hovered somewhere in the empty space between him and his mother. Eventually we all arrived beside them. My parents exchanged meaningless pleasantries with Mrs. Miller, and all the while my throat was tightening painfully. A hand on my shoulder startled me from my descent into panic, and I glanced up into Mr. Miller’s face. He nodded toward Adrian. “That's my son, Adrian,” he said, with a smile that wasn’t as earnest and relaxed as it had been before. “I know it’s been a long time, and Adrian’s has lost a lot of weight, but you surely remember him?” Bracing myself, I leveled my eyes with Adrian’s. His face didn’t give an emotion away. I wished I had his talent. It probably came in handy when he lured women into his bed. I dug my nails into my palms, and willed my lips into a smile, though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to laugh sarcastically, or burst into tears, I hadn't decided yet. But most of all I wanted to shout, so his parents would hear.
Why yes! He's the man who's taken my virginity against a wall last night.
That would certainly go over well. An awkward silence followed. My parents and Adrian’s parents looked back and forth between Adrian and me. Mr. Miller frowned at his son. “You both live in New York. Have you crossed ways there?” The moment I blurted “No!”, Adrian said “Yes.” I wanted to slap him. Another very, very awkward silence ensued, and I looked anywhere but at Adrian, or my mother who was watching me suspiciously. Even Dad seemed puzzled by the strange interaction. I really didn’t want him to realize that Adrian had slept with me. I could feel Adrian's eyes on me, practically burning into my skull, but he didn't say anything. The right choice considering our company, not that I wanted to talk to him. “Shouldn't you know if you've met or not?” asked Mom and her tone was a bit harder than usual. She was definitely suspicious, and that was never a good thing with her. She could follow a trail like a bloodhound. Someone wrapped an arm around my shoulder, startling me, but I managed not to jump visibly. Rachel’s face appeared in my peripheral vision. “They met at my party. There were so many people, no wonder they can't remember their encounter anymore. And Adrian left after only thirty minutes anyway,” she said, giving Adrian a reproachful look. She was exactly as I remembered her. Tanned skin, golden blond hair, green eyes and long legs. She was the most beautiful girl I knew. How could I not have seen the similarity with Adrian?
She didn't even blush the slightest bit despite her lie. My face would have been flaming red after such a blatant lie. She and Adrian were really one of a kind. Beautiful liars. Why was she even helping me? The last time we talked, we screamed at each other and I told her that I hated her. I tilted my head slightly to get a better look at her and she gave me a curt smile. I wouldn't necessarily call it warm, but I guessed it was the best she could do in the current situation. “I didn't know you were friends again,” said Mom with a piercing look. I squirmed slightly under the intensity of her gaze, but again Rachel came to my rescue. She put her previous smile to shame as she beamed at my mother. “It’s still quite fresh. We didn’t want to jinx it. We still have lot of stuff to work through.” A lot of stuff to work through. I almost snorted. There was and had always been only one thing we had to work through: Ben. But even he was old news now. I didn’t look behind myself to see if he was with Rachel. Years ago he had never been far from her. Mom wasn’t used to people who could lie so skillfully, so she bought everything and actually smiled as if this was the best news ever. I really wished I had Rachel's skills, then maybe I wouldn't have fallen prey to Adrian's charm so easily. A good liar could see through another good liar’s lies, right? I lifted my gaze and my eyes met Adrian's. He didn't look happy, his jaw tightened, but I averted my eyes too fast to
analyze his expression better. “I need to go to the bathroom,” I murmured, my gaze directed at nothing in particular, but avoiding the eyes of the people around me. This was too much baggage from the past for one evening. “I show you where you can find it,” Rachel suggested instantly. “I remember where it is,” I snapped, then regretted it. “But thank you.” Rachel and I stared at each other, and the word ‘I’m sorry’ hovered on my tongue. Not for the past, at least not all of it, but for my behavior right now, but our parents and Adrian were watching us. I didn’t want this to get any more awkward than it already was. Rachel didn’t seem to take my ‘no’ for an answer. She always got what she wanted. That’s why she went to prom with Ben and I had to settle on Chris. “I’ll take you there anyway.” She gripped my forearm and steered me away from Adrian and our parents, and past Ben who had been standing a few steps behind her with a group of people we knew from high school. He gave me a hesitant smile. Three years ago that would have made my heart speed up and fill my head with stupid fantasies, but now it meant nothing. Adrian had ruined me for other men, at least for the near future. Rachel led me into the entrance hall and toward the bathroom in the back of the house. Eventually I shook her grip off and we walked side by side silently.
I dreaded being alone with her, fearing what she would say. I had a feeling that she suspected about last night, or she wouldn't have come to our rescue like that. Maybe Adrian had even told her about it. I could only imagine what she thought of me now. A horrible thought struck me. What if he’d remembered me even if I didn’t recognize him because he’d turned from chubby boy wonder to fucking hot womanizer? What if last night had been some fucked up way to take revenge on me for what happened between Rachel and me? We stopped in front of the door and I was quivering with repressed anger. What if Rachel had even told him to do it? I curled my fingers around the door handle, my knuckles turning white from the pressure. I searched her eyes, but like Adrian she was good at keeping her emotions hidden. “You know about last night, right?” My voice was low. Rachel pressed her lips together. “Adrian mentioned something, but he wasn’t very forthcoming with details. But I’m good at figuring things out.” I gave a terse nod. “Just tell me one thing, was this some fucked up way to make me pay for what happened before graduation, because if it was—” I swallowed hard. “If it was, then congrats, you nailed it.” I blinked quickly. I would not cry in front of her. Rachel took a step back, looking as if I’d hit her. “What the fuck, Nora? We’ve been best friends for most of our lives and you think I would make Adrian sleep with you and then dump you to take revenge on you for something that wasn’t
even your fault.” “I—I don’t know anything anymore.” Then I paused. “You aren’t angry anymore for what I said?” “No. I understand that you were mad. You’d been in love with Ben for years and then I started dating him. You were hurt and angry. I won’t apologize for my feelings for Ben, because he is the best thing that has happened to me, but I apologize for how I handled things, for how I kept my relationship with him from you for months.” “Okay,” I said slowly. “And I’m sorry for calling you a slut and a traitor and whatever else I called you when I was angry.” She smiled. “Okay. So you believe me that I had nothing to do with whatever Adrian did?” I nodded. “You could never be that cruel.” I let out a bitter laugh. “You make it sound really bad.” “Let’s just say I hate Adrian more than I’ve ever hated anyone.” The problem was that hate wasn’t the only thing I was feeling for him even after last night. Rachel frowned. “Adrian is an asshole, I’ll give you that. And I won't argue with anyone who calls him a bastard, or manwhore, or heart-breaker. That's what he is, or was, or whatever...” I could hear the imminent ‘but’ in her tone. She let out an impatient sigh and shook her head as if annoyed with herself. Then she looked around as if to make sure that no one was listening. “Look, what I want to tell you is that
sometimes people hide behind a mask, or try to be someone else, because they want to protect themselves from getting hurt. It doesn't justify Adrian's actions, but maybe it helps you to understand him a little bit. In high school, girls gave him a hard time because he was fat. It changed him. But he never lies to anyone because he hates lies. Every woman who lands in his bed knows it’s nothing permanent. It’s not his fault that some don’t want to accept it afterwards.” Anger boiled up in me. Was she trying to tell me that Adrian wasn't an asshole, just acting like one to protect himself? That it was my fault for expecting to be treated decently. I forced my voice to be calm as I said. “Don’t tell me, what your brother did and didn’t do. I was there. And I really don’t know how he protected himself by taking my virginity against a wall and then telling me that he ‘doesn’t do virgins.’ Sorry, but that’s too messed up for me to comprehend.” Rachel’s eyes widened. Before she could say anything, I opened the bathroom door and slipped in, then closing the door in front of her shocked face. I wasn’t in the mood to discuss Adrian anymore, especially not with Rachel. I stared at the closed door for a moment before I took a deep breath. I didn't really need to go to the bathroom. I'd just wanted to escape the situation. But what now? I turned around and stared at the window wistfully. This bathroom was on the ground floor, so I could climb out of it and hide in the huge garden until this mess of a party was
over. But that would have been childish. I shifted from one foot to the other and checked my reflection. I was almost calm by now, but thinking of returning into the living room where Adrian was waiting made my pulse quicken instantly. Voices in front of the door caught my attention and I tiptoed toward it, trying to eavesdrop to the conversation. I really hoped it wasn’t Rachel talking with Adrian about what I’d said. “I've seen Nora Clark walk in this direction, do you know if she's in the bathroom?” My heart stopped for a moment when I heard Chris-fuckingCummings voice. I hadn’t even noticed him at the party, which wasn’t all that surprising considering I was occupied with Adrian. What was Chris doing in front of the door anyway? The answer was simple: waiting for me. I should have never gone to Prom with him, or let him kiss me and grope my breasts. If Rachel had still been my best friend back then, she would have talked me out of it, and out of the two following dates after prom. It was pretty clear that I had the worst taste in men. I ran a hand through my hair and tugged a bit harder than intended. What was I going to do about Chris? I really didn’t want to suffer through hours of him trying to flirt with me. “What do you want from her?” I choked on a bit of my own spit when Adrian's reply rang out. Oh, please, this could NOT be true. I wanted to snort.
This was so typical for my life. My bad luck knew no boundaries. Adrian and Chris were standing in front of the door, apparently both waiting for me. This couldn't get worse. Unless they started talking about their dates with me. I hyperventilated briefly but got it under control within seconds. I wasn't sure who the lesser evil was. Adrian or Chris. It was a tough choice right now. Chris had been chasing me for years; even after I’d moved to New York, he’d kept texting and calling me until I changed my phone number. The kiss and ‘groping’ we'd shared after Prom had scarred me for life. The way he'd thrust his tongue into my throat and the way he’d touched my breasts as if they were a dough he was kneading didn’t really make me want to give him another chance. I shuddered. And then there was Adrian. His kisses had been wonderful and his touch had set fire to my skin. My heart ached when I thought of his words. He'd done what he'd always done. I shouldn't have been surprised. Sex was all he wanted. Not that Chris wouldn’t have gone all the way with me three years ago if I’d let him. Truth be told, he would have taken me right there on the passenger seat of his truck if I hadn't stopped him. Men... If I really thought it through, I would probably prefer Adrian to Chris, because he at least didn't want me anymore now that he'd gotten what he'd wanted. Chris on the other hand... I shook my head and made a quick decision. Childish or
not, I was going to climb through that damn window. I could not bear a conversation with Adrian or Chris right now. I pushed the window up very slowly, careful not to make any noise. I didn't hear Chris or Adrian anymore but I wouldn't let that lure me out of the bathroom. They were probably waiting silently for me to make an appearance. No way! I stared down at myself. It would be difficult to climb with the dress, but there wasn't anything I could do about it now. I knelt on the windowsill and pulled the skirt of my dress up. Now I was really glad that I wasn’t wearing high heels. I poked my head out of the window and realized it wasn't as close to the ground as I'd hoped. The slope was the reason for my little predicament. Someone knocked at the door. “Nora, it's me, Chris.” My eyes widened. They were still waiting. I needed to get away. Now. How to do this best? I sat down on the edge, but decided that it was better if I didn't see what lay below. I turned around awkwardly and knelt on the windowsill. Then I slowly slid my legs past the edge until they were dangling over the ground as I clung to the windowsill. My skirt had ridden up quite a bit, revealing more of my thighs than I'd deem appropriate. Now I just needed to let go, but I didn't know if I could manage to land on my feet. I'd probably end up on my butt, or worse on my face. Good thing that my dress was green. That way grass stains wouldn’t stand out too much. “You look like you need help.” Holy shit. I almost let go of the windowsill. Adrian.
Chapter Eighteen What had I done to deserve so much bad luck? I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the stone facade, my arms growing tired from holding my weight. Taking a deep breath, I stared straight at the wall. Maybe if I pretended he wasn’t there, Adrian would leave. From the corner of my eye, I saw black trouser legs come into my view and a moment later hands reached out for my waist, but they halted before they touched me. “May I?” I stopped a very bad insult from leaving my lips and sucked in a deep breath to calm myself. I would act like an adult, though hanging from a window wasn't making this quest any easier. Maybe I could reach Adrian with my legs and kick him, then he'd perhaps leave me alone. He still hadn't grabbed my waist, waiting for my permission. I wanted to snort, and slap him. “It's not as if you haven't touched me there before,” I said snarkily, feeling the color rise into my cheeks, and was glad that he couldn't see it. Huh, where had the snarkiness come from? I congratulated myself silently for my witty comment. My smugness vaporized when his warm hands took hold of my waist, his touch making my body tingle. How could a
simple touch through clothes still make me yearn for him? Memories of last night came back. I thought of everything I'd hoped this date would turn out to be, and all the things that it hadn't been. I let go of the windowsill and Adrian caught me easily. He was strong, but he had proven that yesterday already when he’d banged me against the wall without breaking a sweat. Adrian set me down to the ground gently. “Trying to escape from Chris Cummings?” He tried to sound funny but his voice was too strained for that. “Actually, I was trying to escape from you as well,” I told him pointedly, evening out the crinkles in my dress and staring intently at the ground. My face still felt hot and I knew the blush wouldn't leave my cheeks as long as he was so close. He'd let go of my waist already but we were still close, too close. I took a step back. “Did you?” he asked softly. I couldn't help but lift my gaze and look at him. His green eyes were gentle and he looked...guilty? I tried to say something snide or witty to his question, but now that I was face to face with him, wittiness wasn't such an easy feat anymore. I hated myself for my inability to despise him wholly. When I looked into his handsome face, I still felt attracted to him. I wanted to tear my hair out in frustration. How could I still want him? Maybe I was masochistic. “What are you doing here anyway?” “It’s my parents’ anniversary.”
“No, I mean outside the bathroom window.” “I had a feeling I would find you here. You have a habit of running away.” I narrowed my eyes. He ran a hand through his hair and dropped his gaze to the ground, obviously searching for words. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear what he had to say. Very likely not. Maybe I could just run even if that would prove Adrian’s point. With ballerinas my chances weren't too bad. I could reach the Toyota before him and lock myself into the car until the party was over. I'd outrun him before, and that had been with Bruno on my arm.
Very mature, Nora, honestly. I hated the little voice in my head, but I listened to it, and didn't flee like a coward. I did however turn to walk away from him in a moderate pace. Unfortunately he looked up and began to speak. “I—I'm sorry, Nora.” I froze. Not so much because of the apology, but because of the sincerity in his voice. I opened my mouth to say something, though I wasn't yet sure what. Adrian raised a hand to stop me. “Please just let me say this.” His green eyes were pleading. I closed my mouth and crossed my arms in front of my chest. I was anxious, but I tried not to let it show. It was difficult to look into his eyes and so I focused on his chin, pretending to keep eye-contact. “I didn't mean what I said last night after...” He trailed off. I
raised my gaze a fraction and dared him with my eyes to finish the sentence. I wasn't sure why I did it. I wasn't keen on hearing him say it aloud. Maybe I was indeed a masochist. I'd never seen him so uncomfortable and uncertain. It was nice to see him squirm. He twisted his hands in his hair and took a deep breath. “I was shocked, and the words didn't come out right.” The words didn't come out right? That's one way to put it. I
don't do virgins. I didn't allow myself to cry over this again, especially not in front of him. “Your words were pretty clear,” I said bitterly. I'd tried to sound calm, obviously I'd failed. Adrian's face was pulled into a grimace and his eyes were filled with frustration. “No, I didn't mean it like that...I...if I'd known that you've never...” I could tell that he was trying to choose his words carefully. “...been with a man, I would have never done it. I've always been with women who knew what awaited them and I thought that you knew as well. I thought that you knew because you'd watched me. I should have asked...” He let out a sigh and shook his head. “...but I didn't even consider that you might be a virgin with the way you look.” He waved a hand at my body and I felt my cheeks heat even more. I ignored the compliment. “I’m sorry I didn’t reach your high standards. I should have realized that the women you choose usually possess a certain level of skill.” He let out a growl. “Now you’re putting words in my mouth. I
didn’t mean it like that.” “I thought you like putting things in other people’s mouths.” My cheeks flamed at my boldness. His lips twitched. “Don’t change the topic,” he said almost playfully. I steeled my heart against the emotions his tone brought out in me. “I prefer experienced women because there’s less pressure.” “You seem like a guy who can handle pressure. And if all fails there’s Viagra.” His eyes narrowed. “I didn’t mean it like that either. I’m talking about emotional pressure. To make it special and memorable. There are too many emotions involved.” “Oh, it was memorable for me, Adrian, believe me.” I paused. “Especially the part where you shouted at me ‘I don’t do virgins.’ That gave me all the fuzzy feelings. I’m still having dreams about it.” I turned away, muttering, “Nightmares.” Maybe it was my imagination but I thought I saw him wince. “I didn’t shout.” I rolled my eyes. “And I really didn’t mean it as an insult.” He shook his head. “Fuck. I’m not good at explaining myself. I’m not good with emotions. That’s why I’m a one-night, no emotions kind of guy. Keeps things simple and clean.” “Simple and clean, hm?” I stared off toward the forest. I suddenly didn’t want to talk anymore. I could tell he wanted me to say I forgave him, but I wasn’t in
a forgiving mood. He'd been right with part of what he'd said. I'd watched him banging random girls and he’d known about it, so it wasn't surprising that he'd think I wanted that, too. Yet, he'd hurt me and I didn't mean the short physical pain. His words and actions had hurt much worse. His voice dropped an octave and his eyes became anxious. “Are you hurt?” I frowned at him, not sure exactly what he was asking. “There was...blood, and I was worried that I'd hurt you. I wasn’t exactly careful when I…” He trailed off. I felt humiliated when I thought about the blood. I hadn't noticed it, but I had been pretty freaked out that night. The physical hurt was really the least of my worries, but he'd probably not understand. And I definitely didn't want to talk to him about the blood. “Nora, is everything alright?” I jumped slightly and turned my head to find Dad standing several yards away and watching us suspiciously. Well, he was glowering at Adrian. I didn't think he'd overheard our conversation, or Adrian wouldn't be standing next to me anymore. I could have hugged Dad right then for saving me from a very embarrassing answer. I needed time to think about everything, and I couldn't do that with Adrian around. “Yes,” I said as I walked over to him. I didn't look if Adrian was following me. If he was clever, he wouldn't. Dad was already glaring in his direction. He led me back into the house and I didn't leave his and
Mom’s side as we stood near the huge buffet that the Millers had prepared. With my parents around, Chris wouldn't bother me, and Adrian would hopefully keep his distance as well. I took a plate and filled it with a few grilled vegetable skewers, though I wasn't very hungry, but it would keep me busy. I grabbed one of the skewers and brought it to my lips when Chris appeared in front of me. I couldn't help but scowl, but like usually he didn't notice. My parents had disappeared without my notice and now I was trapped with Chris. “Nora, I've already wondered where you've gone,” he said with a flirtatious smile. He’d gained a few pounds since I’d last seen him, but at least his complexion had cleared. I’d forgotten how small he was in comparison to Adrian. Chris was only about one inch taller than me. “Did you get my messages?” It wasn't clever of him to speak to me while I was armed with skewers. They might end up somewhere in his body. “Yes. I’ve been really busy in New York.” I forgot my annoyance when I caught sight of Adrian at the other end of the room. He was talking to Rachel and Ben. I’d always thought Ben was tall and breath-taking, but he didn’t even come close to Adrian. I pushed an entire mushroom into my mouth in frustration. Adrian’s eyes were focused on Chris's back, glaring daggers at him. If looks could kill... Was he jealous? But why? I had to hide a smug smile behind the vegetable skewer and took another bite of it. I
didn't hear a word that Chris was saying, but I gave a nod when I thought it was appropriate and smiled now and then. Adrian's expression darkened further. I was starting to enjoy the situation. Let him suffer a bit, though I still couldn't explain why he was reacting the way he did. I managed to avoid him all evening but on our way out, Mom and Dad were saying goodbye to the Millers and Rachel intercepted me before I could step outside and head for the car. She handed me a slip of paper. “That’s my number and my address in New York. Let’s meet for coffee. I miss our friendship.” “I miss it too,” I admitted. “I miss you.” I loved spending time with Amy, but Rachel and I had grown up together. We shared so many memories. I wanted her in my life again. Rachel hugged me tightly. Adrian used that moment to appear in front of me. Rachel stepped back and glanced between him and me, then she left with an encouraging smile in my direction. She punched Adrian’s arm when she walked past him. He rubbed the spot, but never took his eyes off me. He stepped very close, so close that I could smell his aftershave, and could feel his breath on my ear. “I’m sorry for last night. Let me make it up to you.” He drew back, meeting my wide-eyed stare. I was speechless. “Nora?” my mother said from the doorway. Dad was already heading for the car. Mom was waiting for me and watching Adrian and me with a piercing look. Oh fuck. I tore my eyes away from Adrian and followed my mother
toward the Toyota without another word. Adrian’s eyes were following me until we drove off and disappeared behind the trees. He’d looked determined. Let me make it up to you. What the hell did that even mean?
Chapter Nineteen Bruno and the two Bearded Collies greeted me when I stepped into the house. I turned on the lights and bent down to pat their furry heads. Bruno wagged his stumpy tail and jumped up and down excitedly. His joy made me smile and some of the anger, frustration and confusion toward Adrian – and myself – disappeared. Mom entered the hall after me. Dad had only dropped us off in front of the house and then driven off toward a horse that was having trouble giving birth. That was the problem with being a vet: you never really had a free day if you didn’t want to lose your loyal customers, especially customers with expensive breeding horses. Mom had been suspiciously silent during the car ride and she’d yet to say something since Dad left. I really wished he were here. Without him, Mom and I would inevitably end up fighting. Sadly, the emergency at work would probably keep him busy most of the evening and perhaps even all night, so he wouldn’t save me from Mom’s interrogation. “So,” she began in a casual tone. “You and Adrian?” I turned. “What do you mean?” She ignored the dogs that were whirling around her, probably hoping for more bacon. “I could tell that there is something between you two.” “There’s nothing between us.” Not anymore. Not that there
was ever anything meaningful between Adrian and me to begin with. Let me make it up to you. I couldn’t get his parting words out of my mind. Now they actually alternated with ‘I don’t do virgins’ in my head. Mom ignored my denial and simply kept talking. “He is easy on the eyes, that’s for sure. And I hear he’s a very successful lawyer in a Manhattan law firm, so he’d definitely be a good catch too.” I could tell from the dreamy look on her face that she was already planning my bridal shower and the wedding. “Mom,” I said. “There is nothing between Adrian and me.” I accentuated every word so my mother would get it this time. She stared at me, disappointment clear on her face. “Are you sure?” No. I hesitated. “Yes.” Mom’s lips twitched. “I knew it! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about him sooner.” I let out a sigh, turned around and walked up the stairs slowly. Bruno followed at my heels but thankfully Mom got the hint. I entered my room and closed the door. Bruno tiptoed around me happily, his little eyes never leaving me. He was probably hungry. Bacon and whatever else my mom had given him throughout the day didn’t really constitute a healthy dog meal. I stepped out of my ballerinas and pulled the cocktail dress over my head before slipping into comfortable clothes – a tank-top and sweatpants. I chanced a look at myself in the mirror and frowned. My skin was too pale and I was too
thin. I had an A-cup, nothing to get excited about. My hair was thick and nice, and I liked my face, but my body certainly didn’t measure up to Adrian’s usual standards. His girls usually looked as if they could be Playboy bunnies. But Adrian had stared at my legs appreciatively, and the way he'd looked at me had made me feel beautiful. He'd even looked jealous of Chris. I didn't understand why. He'd treated me horribly and now it seemed as if he was still interested in me. It didn't make sense. The only logical explanation for his behavior was guilt. He felt bad for how he'd acted and now he was trying to make up for it by acting nice. I hated being pitied and I certainly didn't want Adrian's pity. I wanted him. I couldn't deny it. Even after everything, I wanted his adoration, his attention, his respect...his love. But not his pity. If pity was all he could give me, he could gladly keep it to himself. I scowled at my reflection before leaving my bedroom and descending the staircase in hurried steps. Bruno shot past my legs and into the kitchen. He stopped in front of his feeding bowl. It was small and pink and had tiny white bones all around the rim. It looked adorable, but it didn't fit Bruno at all. He wasn't a lady dog after all. But as long as the bowl served its purpose to feed him, Bruno didn't mind. He looked at me expectantly when I entered the kitchen and licked the bowl pathetically, as if he hadn't been fed in weeks. The TV was on in the living room, but I didn’t check to see if Mom was in there.
“Here you go.” I put a hand-full of dog food into the bowl and Bruno pounced on it as if he was starving. Within a minute, he'd scarfed down the food and sat down on his chubby butt to look at me. “No more food, Bruno,” I told him. I made myself some coffee and sank down on a kitchen chair, sipping the hot liquid. My thoughts kept revolving around Adrian and our chance meeting at the party. He'd been so gentlemanly and nice, and he'd looked very handsome. I was drawn to him like the moth to the light. But I'd seen enough moths burn and die when they came into contact with the light bulb to know the outcome of my draw to Adrian. I would only get hurt, even worse than I'd been hurt already. I had to stay away from Adrian and his sexy confident smiles. I yawned. Bruno was still waiting in front of his feeding bowl, but I shook my head at him. Slowly I let my head drop to my arms that were crossed on the table. I stared out of the kitchen window at the stars. When I'd first seen Adrian bang a girl, I'd wished the girl was me. In a way my wish had come true, though in a less pleasurable and fairytale-like way than I'd hoped it would. I'd hoped for romance and love, and words of adoration while making love. I still wanted that with Adrian, but I knew I could never have it. Not with Adrian.
Let me make it up to you. Why did he have to say those words? ***
The sound of the entrance door opening and shutting awoke me and I sat up, rubbing my eyes to get rid of the sleepiness. Dad entered the kitchen when I looked up. It was already two in the morning. I'd fallen asleep on the kitchen chair and my neck didn't like it one bit. It was stiff from the uncomfortable position on the table top and I could barely turn my head. “Hey dad.” He sank down on the chair across from me and rubbed his face. “Shouldn't you be asleep? It's late.” “I must have fallen asleep on the chair,” I said with a small shrug. “You woke me.” Dad poured himself some cold coffee. “So how did you enjoy the party?” “It was okay. How was the birth?” “It went well. I hope you and your mother had a lovely time without me.” “Don’t worry we didn’t fight. I just wish Mom would stop quizzing me about my life.” “She asked about Frank’s son?” I rolled my eyes. “Of course. She’s probably already designing wedding invitations.” “Will there be a wedding?” “Not you as well,” I groaned. He shrugged. “Your mother and I want you to be happy.” “Women can be happy without a man at their side.”
“That’s true. But being alone is not for everyone.” He bent down and kissed my forehead, then left the kitchen and headed upstairs. He was right. I always wanted to act like the tough single woman who could deal with anything by herself, but if I was honest with myself, I wanted someone to take care of me, at least occasionally. There were happy singles out there. Mona was one of them, but I wasn’t and would never be one of them. *** The next morning, I got a text from Leon telling me that Mona had the flu and couldn’t take my shift for the night. I wasn’t even disappointed. Staying longer would only give Mom more time to question me about Adrian. She’s already tried unsuccessfully to pry more information out of me during breakfast. I told my parents I had to leave during lunch, and Mom’s face made it clear that she thought I was making it up. It was late afternoon when I arrived in New York. I headed for the rental car station, not wanting to pay for the car for another day when I didn’t even need it. Sadly that proved a stupid decision. Returning the rental car took forever and now I had to hurry to make it to work in time. I rushed to my apartment building and quickly changed into a short black skirt, high heels and a tight white blouse – my most effective work clothes. I wished I had more time. I wanted to talk to Amy about the party and what Adrian had said, but that would have to wait until tomorrow. She wouldn’t return
from work for another two hours anyway. I didn’t allow myself even a single glance toward Adrian’s window as I picked up everything I’d need for work. Then my eyes landed on Bruno; he’d curled up on the sofa and was snoring. Jack was always particularly hot headed on weekends, but I could hardly leave Bruno alone all night. My eyes darted to the clock. I was going to be late. I picked up Bruno who wiggled in my arms in protest, and grabbed my purse from my kitchen counter, then I practically ran out of my apartment and threw the door shut. I didn’t wait for the elevator. It always took too long. Instead I took the stairs. When I finally arrived at Jack’s bar, I was only five minutes late. It didn’t stop Jack from screaming at me, especially when he spotted Bruno who was hiding behind my legs. Only Leon’s jokes whenever I passed the bar and his encouraging smiles kept me from losing my mind completely. Of course, fifteen minutes before my shift was over the biggest asshead customer ever got annoyed because we were starting to close up and gripped my blouse to stop me from walking past him and ripped off all but two of the buttons. I had to use a safety pin to close my blouse so I wouldn’t flash everyone with my pink bra. After that, Leon told me he could take care of the rest and sent me home. I didn’t even protest. I grabbed Bruno and was out of there. It was after midnight when I finally stepped up to the front door of my apartment. I couldn’t even remember the last
time I was this tired. I think it wasn’t even a physical thing; my brain just needed a time off after all that had happened in the last two days. I rummaged in my purse for my keys and when I didn’t find them there, I went through all of my pockets, of which there weren’t that many, namely only the ones in my coat. My skirt was too short and tight to provide room for additional pockets. I didn’t find my keys anywhere and finally came to the horrible conclusion that I must have forgotten them in my apartment earlier during my hasty departure. Thunder rumbled in the distance and a soft drizzle had started coming down, coating my coat and naked legs. I shivered as I pulled out my mobile and dialed Amy’s number. It went to voicemail. Trying not to sound too panicky, I left her a message, then I dropped the phone back into my purse and leaned against the door to escape the rain. Bruno stared up at me, his fur already wet. The rain was soaking through my summer coat, leaving me cold and wet. I took out my phone again and tried Jared’s number, but again I only got their voicemail. I hung up, not leaving a message. Resigned, I wrapped my arms around my chest, considering my options. I could ring the bell of one of my other neighbors. They would at least let me into the house and I could camp in front of my apartment door until Amy returned. My eyes traveled up the length of the building. Most windows were dark and I didn’t know to whom the illuminated ones belonged. This wasn’t an option. I didn’t know anyone well enough to disturb them in the middle of
the night. Involuntarily, my gaze swiveled to Adrian’s window. The lights were on. Maybe he’d returned late from the visit with his parents. I straightened, then hesitated. I didn’t know Adrian well enough to show up on his doorstep and ask for shelter. And being back in his apartment after what had happened between us might not be the best idea anyway. A gust of wind tugged at my hair and the rainfall turned from drizzle to downpour. Oh Amy, why couldn’t you be home? I checked my mobile to make sure I hadn’t missed a call, but there was nothing. I risked another glance at Adrian’s window, then sighed.
Let me make it up to you. That’s what he had said. Well, he could make it up to me by letting me wait in his apartment until Amy returned from wherever she was. I held one hand up over my head – as if that was any kind of protection against the rain – and ran toward the other building, tugging Bruno behind me who didn’t want to be out in the open. I scanned the name tags for Black, but there were no names on the bell buttons, only apartment numbers. Last time I was up there with Adrian, I didn’t exactly pay attention to his apartment number. From inside the concierge was watching me but didn’t bother to open the door for me. I glowered at him and he lowered his gaze to the flat screen of his computer. What the hell? Didn’t he recognize me? He saw me only two days ago. Then I realized that I probably
wasn’t the only woman who returned to Adrian’s apartment to confront him. The concierge probably had direct orders from Adrian not to let any of his scorned ex-lovers into the building. Another gust of wind made me stumble against the glass door and my coat fly up. I pushed it down. Bruno snuggled up against my leg, seeking warmth. Why did tonight have to be the beginning of Fall weather? I balled my hands to fists and began pounding the glass. The concierge looked up in alarm. I forced a smile and motioned for him to let me in. His eyes darted to his phone. Oh God, what if he called the police? Then, at least, I’d be warm. A hysterical laugh bubbled out of me. Finally, the concierge pressed a button and with a buzz the door opened. I stumbled in and Bruno dashed past me, shaking off the water. “Can I help you?” the concierge asked in a strained tone. He stood behind his lobby desk, the phone right in front of him. Was he worried I’d attack him? Or make a scene? “No, thank you,” I said, heading toward the elevator. His eyes widened. “No, wait! I can’t let you go up there.” “But I need to see Adrian Black.” “I’m sorry I can’t let you go up.” “Then call him. He’ll tell you he’s expecting me.” “I’m afraid I can’t do that either. Mr. Black would have told me if he was expecting a guest.” Anger boiled up in me. I forced my face into a calm mask, then lied, “Oh, okay. Can you at least write down a
message for him?” He nodded and lowered his eyes to look for a pen. I used the moment to dash toward the elevator, hit the ‘open button’ and slip inside. The concierge was coming around his desk but before he could cross the lobby, the elevator doors slid shut and it began moving. I could only hope he didn’t have a stop button at his desk. I let out a breath when I arrived on Adrian’s floor but my bravery quickly waned as I approached his door. The elevator had already started heading back down to the ground floor, probably to pick up the concierge. I picked up my pace, then came to a stop in front of Adrian’s apartment. It was 12:30 by now and doubt filled me. Could I really show up on Adrian’s doorstep like that? I knew he hadn’t meant his words like that. Let me make it up to you. But I also wasn’t exactly sure what he’d meant. The sound of the elevator returning helped me make up my mind. I jabbed the bell button before I could get cold feet. I waited and listened but at first nothing happened. The elevator opened at the end of the hall and the concierge got out. Oh shit. Finally, steps rang out and the door opened. Adrian stood behind it, dressed in only black pajama pants. I’d never seen his naked chest up close. During our one-night stand, if you could even call it that, I hadn’t come anywhere close to undressing him. As I took a closer look at Adrian’s surprised face, I noticed how mussed up his hair was – as if he’d fallen out of bed, or as if someone had run their
hands through it, which fit the lipstick stains on his mouth better. And as I lowered my gaze further I noticed the bulge in his pants. Holy shit. He had a boner. I’d interrupted him during a fuck session with another woman.
Chapter Twenty Embarrassment crawled over my skin, quickly followed by anger. Let me make it up to you, my ass. I couldn’t believe Adrian was already fucking someone else. The concierge caught up to me, his face red, and panting. Up close, I could see how pockmarked his skin was. “I’m sorry, Mr. Black, I couldn’t stop her.” Adrian ignored the man. His green eyes slid over my wet hair clinging to my face, my soaked coat, my naked legs covered in goose-bumps and Bruno who sat beside me, waggling his tail as if he was happy to see Adrian. Then his gaze found my face again. “Nora?” “I forgot my key in my apartment and my spare key is with my best friend Amy, but I can’t reach her, so I thought…” I trailed off. What exactly had I thought? A woman stepped into view behind Adrian. She was wearing a dark blue bathrobe – Adrian’s bathrobe from the look of it. She was almost as tall as him, but not as wide in the shoulders, so it hung off her. Her lipstick had tinged the skin around her mouth red and her black hair was a tangled mess. She was barefoot and probably in her early thirties, older than Adrian and his usual targets. My cheeks flooded with blood and I closed my mouth. I shouldn’t have come here. I was an idiot. The concierge reached out as if to escort me back to the
elevator, but Adrian stepped in. “It’s okay. You can leave, Matt.” “Are you sure, sir?” He was peering at the woman who still waited inside Adrian’s apartment, leaning in the doorway to what could only be the bedroom. Adrian finally tore his eyes from me and spared the concierge a glance. “Yes, I’m sure.” His voice was polite but firm. The concierge disappeared with a last confused glance in my direction. He probably thought we’d agreed on a threesome. “I should go,” I said, slowly backing away from Adrian and that woman who was glaring daggers at me. I must have interrupted their fuck session. God, I was a loser. Adrian grabbed my hand, startling me, and Bruno who started growling. Adrian’s eyes darted to my pug, but he didn’t release my hand. Bruno wasn’t the most impressive guard dog after all. “It’s okay, Bruno,” I soothed him. “You’re freezing,” Adrian said, his thumb sliding over my wrist, making me shiver. Was there worry in his tone? “I’m fine,” I lied, then I pulled my hand out from Adrian’s hold. I wasn’t fine but it had nothing to do with the fact that I was drenched and cold. I hadn’t expected Adrian to move on so quickly, especially not after what he’d said at the party. Stupid of me, I suppose. “You should come in and wait until your friend picks you up with your keys. It’s too dangerous for you to wait outside in
the dark, and you’re soaked and cold.” “What about her?” My eyes flickered toward the woman still watching us. It was obvious she was pissed off from the way she was pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes, and really who could blame her? I bet this wasn’t the evening she’d envisioned when she’d agreed to go to Adrian’s apartment. “I really don’t think she wants me to join the two of you.” “I could probably convince her of a threesome,” Adrian said dryly. I turned around. “Okay, thanks. I’ll just wait outside.” He stepped in my way and I bumped into him, my palms splaying out against his warm, muscled chest. I jerked back as if I’d been burned, then flushed. Adrian smirked. “I was joking. Now come in, or I’ll carry you inside.” “You wouldn’t dare,” I said. “Don’t tempt me.” I wasn’t sure if he was joking. I moved past him into his apartment but stayed far away from the woman. Adrian closed the door. “What’s going on?” the woman asked, not even trying to mask her annoyance. Her voice was deep and sultry, perfect for phone sex. Adrian touched my elbow and led me toward another door. He opened it for me, revealing a huge living room with dining area and a modern open kitchen. “Can you wait here? I’ll be back soon.”
Before I could as much as protest, he stepped back into the hall. What was he going to do now? Finish his business with the woman? At least, he hadn’t suggested I should watch him. With two windows and lots of open air between us, I’d enjoyed being a Voyeur, but this was too personal, especially after our night together. Before he closed the door, I could see the woman stalking in his direction, then I was alone in the living room. Everything in it was grey, white or black and the wall in front of me consisted mainly of windows, which provided a view onto the small park and the surrounding apartment buildings. It was an interior designer’s dream. Even Amy would probably die from joy of how stylish everything was. Sadly, I didn’t dare to sit on the light gray sofas with my wet clothes. The woman’s voice rose and I moved closer to the door, feeling only slightly guilty for eavesdropping. Bruno didn’t move with me. Instead he plopped down on his butt and watched me with a reproachful expression. Adrian’s voice was calm and collected while I could hear the emotions in every word the woman spoke. That was Adrian: detached, unemotional, cold. “Fine!” the woman snarled, then a door was slammed shut. I froze. It was silent. If Adrian was still in the corridor, he wasn’t making a sound. A few minutes later, heels clacked loudly on the granite floor of the corridor, then the front door banged closed. The woman had left. Adrian had sent her away because of me. Maybe I should have felt at least a
little guilty but I was almost giddy that he’d chosen me. It felt like a small victory. I wasn’t even sure what exactly I’d won. Adrian’s attention? Certainly not his heart, or he wouldn’t have been with the woman to begin with. Giddiness was washed away by annoyance and anger. Steps rang out and I quickly rushed over to the kitchen area and perched on one of the black hardwood bar stools that lined the bar of the kitchen island. A trail of water droplets followed in my wake. The moment my butt hit the stool, the door swung open and Adrian entered, still gloriously underdressed. He was barefoot and his feet were narrow and elegant as he strode toward me. Was he even wearing anything under his pajama pants? At least, the bulge was gone. The argument with the woman had obviously killed his erection. Bruno curled up on the stone floor, thoroughly unimpressed by the situation. I tore my gaze from Adrian and checked my mobile – still no message from Amy. Adrian leaned against the counter, only an arm length away. His pajama pants hung low on his hips, revealing the V where his torso narrowed. I quickly stashed my mobile back in my purse, then knitted my fingers together to stop myself from reaching out and trailing the skin over his hips. “You should get out of your wet coat. We can hang it over my heated towel rack.” Personally, I thought every layer of clothing I kept on was a barrier between myself and another major mistake, but I didn’t want Adrian to know that I was nervous about us
being alone in his apartment. I hopped off the stool and peeled my coat off, then put it in Adrian’s outstretched hand. His eyes traveled the length of my legs up to my too short skirt, over my hips, then he froze. He reached out for my blouse, startling me. His expression darkened as he pointed at the safety pin holding my blouse together. “What happened?” Anger radiated off of him and I wasn’t sure where it had come from. I fumbled with the two remaining buttons. “Angry customer.” As if that explained anything. Adrian seemed to think the same. “Explain it to me,” he said in a barely controlled voice. “Why should I?” He acted as if he had any right to know what was going on in my life. We weren’t dating. Hell, we weren’t even casual lovers. That required more than one failed attempt at sex. He swallowed. “Did he hurt you?” “What?” Then it dawned on me what he must have thought: that someone had assaulted me. “God no. I’m working in a bar, remember? And a guy got angry when it was closing time. He wanted another drink. I ignored him and he grabbed my shirt to stop me from leaving. The buttons flew off. That’s all.” He shook his head. “Maybe you should look for another job. You shouldn’t have to deal with bastards like him.” “Oh. There are bastards everywhere,” I said pointedly. “Just ask the woman you just sent off without her happy ending.” He straightened, every muscle in his arms and chest flexed.
“I don’t give a shit about her, but I owe you a happy ending.” His voice was low and seductive. He took another step toward me, so close I could feel the heat coming off of him. I curled my fingers around my purse. Don’t kiss him, Nora. Do not kiss him. He bent down, bringing his mouth closer. Fuck, why did his lips have to look so kissable. He was an asshole, but a sexy asshole, and he was right. I wanted my happy ending, even though I was pretty sure his happy ending didn’t extend over his bedroom walls, while mine was the forever kind of thing. Our lips were almost touching, and my heart was trying to burst through my ribcage. I ignored the alarm bells ringing in my head as our mouths came together. Adrian’s scent surrounded me as he wrapped his fingers around my upper arms, keeping me steady. I could smell the faintest hint of sweat on him – and what I could only describe as sex. I jerked away, pressing my butt against the bar stool. “No,” I gasped out. Adrian raised his eyebrows. “I can’t believe I let you kiss me again.” “You wanted to kiss me. You still do.” I glared. “It doesn’t matter what I want. I’m not interested in your games. Hell, I can still smell her on you. Less than thirty minutes ago you were fucking that woman and now you want to fuck me. Do you realize how messed up that is? First you apologize as if you’re really sorry that you acted like an asshole and now this? What was the whole ‘Let me make it up to you’ bullshit about anyway? Your ego was
probably just bruised because you can’t bear a bad fuck in your collection. I know I can’t make my fucked up first time undone but I won’t let my second time be like that. I deserve better.” My voice actually caught on the last sentence. I couldn’t remember the last time I cursed so much. I grabbed my coat from where Adrian had flung it over the kitchen island when he’d kissed me and stomped toward the hall, dragging Bruno behind me. “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come to you. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Adrian captured my hand. I let him stop me. I actually didn’t want to go back into the rain. “Nora, don’t leave. I meant what I said yesterday. Every word of it.” I rubbed my forehead, exhaustion catching up with me. It was almost one o’clock. “Then why did you try to seduce me again?” “Because I want you, Nora. I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you with your binoculars. I’ve never wanted anyone more than I want you.” “You got me,” I said tiredly. “And you’ve already moved on to your next sex toy. It’s easy for you, but I’m not like that.” “She was a distraction because I was desperate to get you out of my head.” “You hoped banging another woman would cure you of me?” I almost laughed. Bruno plopped down on his butt with an audible sigh. He smiled. “Sex is my cure for everything,” he said it playfully but I got the impression that he’d revealed more in
that one sentence than he intended to. “But it didn’t work this time. The entire time I banged that woman you were on my mind.” “That’s messed up.” But deep down it gave me a strange kick that Adrian couldn’t get me out of his head. It was only fair; after all, he’d become a constant presence in my brain too. “Do you even know that woman’s name?” “Evelyn,” he said with a shrug. I had a feeling he wouldn’t remember her. “But I don’t want to talk about her. She’s a thing of the past.” “And I’m not?” “It’s strange,” he said softly, tracing a finger over my cheek, then down my neck. Goosebumps erupted all over my skin. How could a simple touch like that make me yearn for more? “I always hated the thought of being someone’s first. That’s why I reacted so badly, but even when I said those words to you, some primal part of me was turned on and excited by the thought that no man had ever touched you like I did. You were mine alone.” I sucked in a breath. Was there a handbook for womanizers lying on his night table, or how did he always say the words that made my knees go weak? “And the thought that there could ever be another man after me…” He shook his head, his eyes practically burning into me. “It drives me crazy. I don’t want anyone to touch you. I want you for myself.” “But you don’t do relationships, Rachel made that clear
when I talked to her,” I said. “So what do you expect me to do? Stay an almost virgin for the rest of my life so you feel better about yourself while you bang every woman that crosses your path. I really can’t see how that would benefit me.” “Almost virgin,” he murmured with a strange smile. “I don’t think that’s possible.” “It’s close to the truth,” I said defensively. “Before you, I’d kissed exactly three guys, and you were pretty much the first to really touch my breasts because what Chris did that one time can only be called a medical exam and it lasted only for two seconds anyway because his groping actually hurt.” I snapped my mouth shut. He wore the strangest expression. “Say it,” I urged. “I’m pathetic, I know, but I actually wanted to wait for someone I loved. Of course that plan went out the window.” Adrian’s face had closed off when I mentioned love but my next words brought the smile back to his face. “You crack me up. Now I get why Rachel misses you.” Then he raised one eyebrow. “Chris Cummings, really?” “I have bad taste in men.” “Indeed,” he said in a low voice. “You don’t have to remain an almost virgin, Nora.” I loved the way he said my name. “Actually, I don’t want you to remain an almost virgin because I want to fuck you again and again and again.” Until you lose interest, I finished in my mind. “Let me get this straight, you want me to be what? Your lover? So I sleep only with you, while you go around
banging other women?” “I like the sound of that.” Somehow we’d ended up so close again that our bodies were almost touching. He didn’t try to kiss me and I was grateful for that small mercy. Being this close to him was making straight thoughts difficult enough. “I bet you do,” I said. “But that’s not going to work for me. If you want me to sleep with you, then you can’t have sex with anyone else.” What was I doing? “As you said, I don’t do relationships.” You also said you didn’t do virgins and here we are. The words didn’t pass my lips, instead I said, “Then this discussion is over.” Adrian ran his hands through his already messy hair. “There might be a middle ground.” “Said the lawyer.” His lips twitched. “I won’t promise you a relationship. I had one in high school and it…didn’t work out.” I made a mental note to ask Rachel for details when we met for coffee. “But I can promise you this: I won’t sleep with other women as long as I’m sleeping with you.” I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out if he meant it in the literal sense only. “So we’re committed sex partners without any emotional attachments?” Maybe it being the middle of the night was the reason why I was having this discussion and worse: contemplating Adrian’s insane suggestion. “That’s one way to put it,” Adrian said. He wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me against him. I dropped
Bruno’s leash and he scuttled away. “So what do you say?” “We shouldn’t even be having this discussion. It’s late and I’m exhausted, and possibly delirious all things considered,” I whispered. “I don’t want to sleep with you now. Not like this. Not now. Don’t make me do something I’ll regret later.”
Again. Maybe he saw how vulnerable I was in that instant. His grip loosened but he didn’t let go entirely. He raised a hand and brushed a few strands of hair from my face. “Why don’t you sleep over it? I have a guest bedroom where you can spend the night. I doubt your friend will bring you your keys now.” He was probably right, and tomorrow I’d hopefully be able to make a somewhat sane decision. I nodded. “Okay.” His hand resting gently on my hip, he steered me toward a door at the end of the corridor, next to his bedroom – which I still hadn’t seen with my own eyes. The guestroom was held in the same colors as the rest of the apartment and a queen-sized bed occupied one wall, looking out toward my apartment building. Bruno trailed after us and stretched out on the white rug surrounding the bed. Adrian turned me so I was facing him and I tilted my head back to look into his eyes. “Promise me one thing,” he murmured. “Before you leave, you’ll give me the chance to convince you of my proposal. I really want to make it up to you.” His lips came down on mine, hot and teasing and entirely too intoxicating. His fingers stroked my throat and cheeks, and his tongue slid across my lips, then he pulled
back. “There are shirts in the drawers if you need something to sleep in.” I stayed frozen to the spot, even after he closed the door after him.
Chapter Twenty-One The next morning I woke to the sound of a coffee maker grinding beans. I didn’t move from my spot tangled in the blankets, too stunned by what had happened. I’d spent the night in Adrian’s apartment – without having slept with him – and I’d agreed to consider his offer. An offer of possible mind-blowing sex if what I’d witnessed through my binoculars was any indication, not my own subpar experiences. Well, everything except for the actual sex had been mind-blowing, and the rest wasn’t really Adrian’s fault. Bruno was still snoring beside the bed. I sat up, the blankets sliding off and revealing a white dress shirt I’d found in the drawer last night. It was new and didn’t smell like Adrian, and yet I was oddly turned on by the fact that I was wearing something of him. I could hear him rummaging in the kitchen and remembered the promise I’d given him. My stomach fluttered with nerves. Maybe I should sneak out and pretend yesterday’s conversation never happened. I swung my legs out of bed and stood, my eyes darting between the door that would lead out into the hall and the one belonging to the adjoining bathroom. I headed for the latter. A shower would clear my head and prepare me for the confrontation with Adrian. I’d tell him I couldn’t accept
his offer and that would be it. I didn’t want to be only his lover. I wanted more. After the shower, I wrapped one of the fluffy oversized towels around me and returned to the bedroom. Yesterday’s clothes lay over a plush armchair. I sighed. I’d have to wear them again, even if they smelled like the bar. Bruno yawned, stretched, then trotted over to me. I patted his head before a knock made me jump. “Nora?” Adrian’s morning voice was deeper – and sexier. I didn’t move. “I know you’re awake.” There was amusement in his tone. “Can I come in?” “No, I mean, wait.” Slowly, cautiously, I approached the door and curled my hands around the handle before taking a deep breath and opening it a gap, hiding my half-naked body behind the door. Adrian was already dressed – black pants, crisp white dress shirt and a grey tie. Of course, he would be dressed. It was Monday and he had to work. “What time is it? Am I making you late? I’ll just get dressed and then you can head out.” He leaned against the doorframe. “That’s not why I’m here.” He pressed his palm against the door and gently pushed, but not with enough force that I couldn’t have stopped him. I stepped back, clutching the towel against my chest. I’d secured it tightly earlier but better safe than sorry. The moment I was no longer hidden by the door, Adrian’s eyes roamed over my body. There was hunger on his face. “Remember your promise?”
My eyes darted toward the bed, then back to Adrian who didn’t try to come closer. “You’re already dressed for work.” “That doesn’t answer my question.” “The answer is the same as yesterday. I won’t sleep with you.” Disappointment flashed across Adrian’s face, which was quickly replaced by a more controlled expression. “Not yet,” I added. Why had I said that? “After how things went last time, I don’t want to rush into things again.” “I don’t want to sleep with you now.” I lifted my eyebrows. He chuckled. “Okay. I want to tear that towel off your body and take you right here on the spot, but--” He moved toward me. The smell of his spicy aftershave and roasted beans flooded my nose. “This is only about you. I want to give you a taste of what you’ll get if you agree to be my lover. Let me convince you.” He bent over me and licked my collarbone, catching a water droplet with his tongue. An ache was forming between my legs. I pressed my thighs together, suppressing a moan. He drew back until our eyes met and I was caught in the heat of his gaze. Nobody had ever looked at me like that. I licked my lips. “Okay,” I breathed out. “But the towel stays on.” The corners of his mouth twitched. “The towel stays on,” he agreed softly, then he ushered Bruno out of the room and closed the door. Oh God, what had I agreed to? I backed up until my calves hit the bed and my toes curled
in the soft carpet, then I waited for Adrian to close the gap between us. He brought his hand up and cupped my cheek, then captured my lips in a kiss. He wrapped an arm around my back and carefully lowered us onto the bed. The mattress dipped under our combined weight. He settled beside me, one arm under my neck. The fingers of his other hand brushed the edge of my towel where it touched my chest. My nipples hardened and pressed against the towel. Adrian took his time letting his eyes wander over my body until they settled on my breasts. Adrian ran a finger around them, then grazed my nipples with his knuckles, sending spikes of desire into my belly. I buried my face in his shoulder to stop a moan. “No,” Adrian said in a rough tone. “Let me see your face.” I settled back against the pillow, my skin hot as I met Adrian’s gaze. He trailed a finger over my nipples, back and forth, until I regretted having said that the towel should stay on. I wanted to feel him without a barrier between us. As if reading my thoughts, Adrian slipped a finger below the towel and brushed it across my left nipple. Every time his fingertip touched me, my toes curled with pleasure. He kissed my neck and I tilted my head to the side to give him better access. His mouth was hot against my skin as he nibbled and kissed and sucked and licked. He removed his finger from under the towel, but before I could miss the contact, he pinched my nipple through the fabric. I gasped, wetness pooling between my legs. He twisted my nub between his fingers, slowly rolling it back and forth. The
additional friction of the towel sent jolts of lust through my body until I wasn’t sure I could take any more. “Your body is so fucking responsive,” he murmured against the skin of my collarbone. I hummed and pressed my thighs together to alleviate some of the tension building up in my core. Adrian slid his hand over my ribcage, down my stomach and hip, then he pulled apart my legs. I made a sound of protest, which turned into a whimper when he trailed his fingers over my pussy. He folded back the hem of the towel, revealing my glistening folds. I was still mostly bare, except for a few soft new hairs. “Fuck,” Adrian growled. He spread me even wider and slowly ran a finger over the length of my folds. I squeezed my eyes shut. “Tell me how many men have touched you like this,” he ordered roughly. “Only you,” I gasped. “Yes,” he said harshly. “Mine.” Adrian dipped his finger into my opening, just barely, coating his fingertip with my wetness, then spread it gently over my folds. “I can’t believe how wet you are,” he said in a low voice. I arched my back and he kissed me again, his tongue slipping into my mouth, then he gently sucked at my lower lip and caught it between his teeth while his finger drew lazy circles on my clit. “If you agree to my offer,” he murmured against my ear, his tongue darting out to lick the skin beneath it. “I’ll lick and suck your sweet pussy until you
scream.” He drew my earlobe into his mouth, then softly bit down. I clutched at his shirt, curling my fingers around the crisp fabric. “I’ll show you pleasure unlike anything you can even imagine. I can teach you so much if you let me, Nora.” I was falling apart, any moment now I was going to burst, to combust, to lose my mind. Adrian slipped his finger back into me and slowly started pumping in and out; his thumb circled my clit, driving me higher and higher toward a peak I’d never reached before. “I’m going to break the rules,” Adrian whispered against the hollow between my breasts, then he nudged the towel down, revealing my nipples. I curved my spine, and Adrian took the invitation and closed his hot lips around my nipple. His tongue darted out, barely brushing my sensible skin. His fingers down below got faster, in and out, circling, driving me insane. He pulled back, blowing on my nipple. “I’ve never been so hard. I can’t wait to bury my cock in your hot warmth.” He sucked at my nipple hard, his fingers slipping into my core faster, and then he grazed my clit with his fingernail, and I exploded. Waves of pleasure shot through me, drowning me with their vehemence. I buckled, my head rising off the pillow. Adrian’s lips collided with mine, swallowing my moans. For a moment my vision turned black, my toes curled and my muscles tightened until it became almost painful. My body trembled as it slowly came down from the high. I released Adrian’s white shirt, which was now too crumpled for him to wear to work, and one button was actually lose. “I
ruined your shirt,” I said in a raspy voice, pressing my forehead against his shoulder. Adrian laughed, the sound a deep rumble in his chest. “It was worth it.” I had to agree with him. Slowly I opened my eyes, but I didn’t sit up, actually embarrassed to face Adrian. “So what do you say? Will you be my lover?” He put a finger under my chin and lifted my face until I was looking into his eyes. My lips felt swollen and if his were any indication they probably looked that way too. I nodded. Adrian smiled, then pressed another kiss against my mouth and straightened, glancing at his watch, an expensive Breitling. “Now I really will be late.” “I should get going too,” I said, wrapping the towel around me. Adrian stood and I did too, not sure what to do now. “How will you get into your apartment?” He asked from the doorway. I picked up my phone. Amy had left five messages for me. “Amy is home. She’ll let me in.” “Good,” he said distractedly, taking his iPhone out of his pocket and scrolling through emails. “I’ll have to change. Do you want to take a shower and let yourself out later?” After what just happened I definitely needed another shower. I shook my head. “No, I’ll just get dressed and shower at home.” He nodded, still focused on his screen. He opened the door and stepped into the hall, then disappeared from my view. I
didn’t know what I’d expected. I wrapped my arms around myself. Adrian had made it clear that he didn’t want an emotional attachment and I’d agreed to a physical relationship with him, so I had no reason to feel so… rejected. Bruno ambled into the guestroom. I quickly got dressed in yesterday’s clothes, grabbed my purse and my phone, then tiptoed into the hallway. Adrian’s voice was coming from the living room. “That is bullshit. We won’t accept that. You go against everything we agreed on.” He sounded angry and cold. Probably something work-related. I slipped out of his apartment and shut the door without a sound. I put my high heels on and hurried toward the elevator, suddenly wanting to leave. When I passed the lobby desk, a new and much older concierge sat behind it, but I ignored him and practically ran outside. The air was cool and fresh – cleansed from the rain. My eyes darted up to Adrian’s apartment. Why had I agreed to be his lover? Because I’d just had the most mind-blowing orgasm ever and I had a feeling it would only get better. I didn’t even want to imagine what Amy would say to all that. But hadn’t she been the one to tell me this was about lust, not love? So becoming Adrian’s lover was the logical choice. Just sex and pure lust, no strings attached, no emotions involved. Easy as that. I strode over to the entrance of my building. Who was I kidding? I was never good at keeping my emotions out of
things. I couldn’t even deal with Adrian’s quasi dismissal of me moments ago. How would I keep my heart protected if I allowed myself to sleep with Adrian again? And maybe more than only once? I jabbed the bell button and a moment later, Amy voice came through the speakers, almost drowned out by static. “Nora?” “Yes, it’s me.” She let me in and waited for me on our floor, looking worried. She took in my crumpled appearance, her brows drawing together. “What happened?” “Long story,” I said, taking my keys from her and heading toward my apartment. Bruno tried to dig his paws into the floor, reluctant to leave Amy again. “Can I tell you later?” “You have exactly thirty minutes to clean yourself up. I expect you in my apartment for breakfast. Don’t be late or I’ll pick you up.” I smiled. “I’ll be there.” I closed the door behind myself and leaned against it, the smile dropping from my face. There was a tightness in my chest. Even now, only minutes after I’d left Adrian’s apartment, I could already sense that my feelings for him were growing. It wasn’t love, but more than lust. I wanted that big happy ending with Adrian, the forever kind, but maybe I’d have to settle for many small sexual happy endings instead. I’d have to put on my big girl panties and deal with my emotions, stash them somewhere deep inside where they wouldn’t get in the way of my thing with Adrian. I didn’t even have an actual name for what Adrian and I had
agreed on. I walked toward my wardrobe and grabbed a few clean clothes, then began unbuttoning the two remaining buttons of my blouse. My eyes found the window out of habit and my fingers froze. There was a huge piece of paper attached to Adrian’s window. I walked closer to my own and picked up my binoculars, pointing them at the sign.
Come over tonight. I can’t wait to make it up to you again. A smile spread on my face. Adrian hadn’t dismissed or forgotten about me the moment I was out of his door. Maybe there was a chance for my happy ending. Lust could turn into love.
Let me convince you, Adrian.
About the Author Cora Reilly is the author of erotic romance and New Adult novels. She lives in one of the ugliest cities of the world with too many pets and only one husband. She’s a lover of good vegetarian food, wine and books, and she wants nothing more than to travel the world.