As the applause gradually died down, two children - a boy with black hair, dark brown eyes and a tuxedo, and a girl with short black hair, green eyes,...
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As the applause gradually died down, two children - a boy with black hair, dark brown eyes and a tuxedo, and a girl with short black hair, green eyes, and wearing a Santa Claus outfit (with the pants replaced by a dress) - walked out onto the stage.
“Thank you all for coming,” the boy replied with a smile. “I see that all of you are in your finest dresses tonight; and for those of us who aren’t, good - this isn’t the time to be dressed proper.”
“So being dressed properly is improper?” the girl asked, clearly confused.
“Considering that there’s going to be massive amounts of laughter about, it’s best to dress casual, kinda like what you’re doing,” the boy responded.
“People are going to be laughing at me?!”
“Not here, though, Santa. They’ll be laughing at what’s on the screen… or rather, what’s been written in text.” The boy chuckled, before turning to the audience. “Sorry, just wanted to get the meta dialogue out of the way before we started.”
‘Why are we standing up here talking about something people are going to be reading?’ Santa wondered to herself as Jim talked.
‘Because we have to give out a warning before they read the story,’ Jim responded in thought.
‘Don’t read other people’s thoughts without permission, or I’ll tell Jamiebel you’re cheating on her.’
‘Sorry, sorry.’ Jim looked outwards towards the audience. “Now, you’re wondering why Santa and myself are here… well, we may be part of the main cast, but we also were assigned to give you a warning before we move on.”
“The following story is in no way canon to Yu Aida’s Gunslinger Girl series and Yu Aida is the owner of all canonical GsG property. The non-canon characters are property of their respective owners.”
“Also, this story is rather ridiculous, so do not take this story, its characters and its contents completely seriously or absolutely literally - these are the authors just going wild with their imaginations. This story also contains a multitude of references from anime, comic books, webcomics, and the like - such as Hirohiko Araki’s JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, for example - so please react accordingly.” Jim takes a deep breath before continuing. “This story may cause extreme fits of laughter, corpsing, lightheadedness and shortness of breath, and on the very rarest of occasions, death by laughter. If you experience any of these symptoms, please consult your doctor after reading this fiction.”
“And if you live in Italy - or any other country with a secret cyborg program - please be especially careful, because you may end up as a cyborg like us.” Santa added, ‘Though I’m not sure how they’re going to know about it if it’s a secret.’
“Thank you, and please enjoy our story.” Jim and Santa finished, with a bow. With nothing more to say, the pair walked off the stage, as the audience cheered, and the curtains revealed a silver screen.
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Sitting in an oversized fancy chair, a young man with raven-black hair and green eyes spun a tale of epic proportions, about a man who delivers presents around the world, kicking ass and bringing merriment wherever he goes.
“And remember, boys and girls, Santa is a Norseman, and Norsemen do not mess around, especially when it comes to their jobs,” the young man finished.
“I’m not Norse, I’m Italian.” the girl from the intro objected, now wearing an orange one-piece skirt with black stripes running down the arms.
“And by Santa, I do not mean the one here before us, but the one who hands out presents on Christmas,” Alpha clarified.
“I hand out presents on Christmas too - it was my introductory scene.”
Alpha raised his left eyebrow. “Every year?”
“Every in-story year since I joined the SWA.”
The field agent blinked. “That doesn’t quite count, Miss Cassano. Anyway, everyone, it’s time for you to run off and do what you do. I’ll see you next time.”
/= Opening: “Great Days” by Karen Aoki and Daisuke Hasegawa =/
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/= Peaceful (track 10) - JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable OST - Nightwalk =/
As the school of cyborgs rushed out of the common room, the boy from the intro sighed, as he looked over at two girls, both with black hair - one with brown eyes, a purple tee-shirt and blue jeans, and considerably older than the other - and Santa.
“Well, that was a rather interesting tale that our resident senpai spun up, wasn’t it?” he asked, with a rather bored tone to his voice.
“I keep telling people I’m not like that,” Santa complained.
“We believe you though, Santa,” the older raven black-haired girl replied, with a smile. “Besides, you’re too adorable to be like that picture… and it is the old man, after all.”
“I certainly hope so. If you thought I looked like that, people would start wondering how sane you were.”
“No kidding, an old guy who is that big and ripped would stand out and not be able to complete missions at all.” A young girl attached herself to the group - she was wearing a light blue shirt and green dress and had bright red hair.
Jim nodded. “Let alone anything in the day-to-day life… but back to the main point - Jamiebel does have a point; I think it might be down to bad luck that you’re named after the old man himself. Speaking of which, I kinda believe Alpha’s story about his origins, and how he’s a Norseman - firstly, I thought he was originally from Turkey, and secondly, trust me, anyone with that beard could be Norse - but I just don’t believe Santa Claus exists, let alone looks like that.”
“So if one of the handlers grew a giant beard like that, they’d be Norse too?”
The boy facepalmed, as Jamiebel shook her head. “Not quite, Santa; if they were actually born with the beard, they would be considered Norse. Growing a beard when they originally weren’t born with one would be considered cheap, in Norse logic.”
“A baby with a huge beard…” Santa tried to imagine it.
Jamiebel took a peek at Santa’s thought bubble, and found a baby with an exaggerated big and bushy beard. Taking up an eraser and pen, she quickly redrew the beard, turning it into peach fuzz, and sighed as the baby laughed.
“That’s actually more or less what Jim was talking about. If all Norse people were born with beards that big, we’d have a lot more wigs,” Jamiebel noted.
“Cyborgs don’t need wigs, though.” Santa responded as she dropped thinking about the baby.
Fortunately, Marisa caught said baby, so she could tickle its feet.
**Soon**
/= Nep Waltz - Hyperdimension Neptunia: The Animation OST Vol. 1 =/
The quartet arrived at Jim and Jamiebel’s dorm room - Santa used to frequent there, ever since she met Jamiebel, and the latter treated her like a little sister of her own - where Jim sat down on his bed, and picked up a remote in his hand. Meanwhile, Santa and Jamiebel were sitting beside each other, talking about the possibility of a bearded baby, growing up to be Santa Claus.
“Yeah, well... if anything, you two, we shouldn’t get our hopes too high up - since the big guy doesn’t quite exist,” Jim replied rather bluntly, as he flipped through channels to the news channel.
“Of course not - there are so many problems with how he gets presents to people, even dolphins wouldn’t be fooled.” Marisa agreed.
“That’s fine - I can follow my namesake even if he doesn’t physically exist, by completing missions and making Italy better. And if Italy is better, its people - and Enzo - will be happier.”
Jim stopped for a second and smiled at the declaration from the young girl. “Yeah… I’m with you on that front. I think we all want to make Italy better… the question is when, rather than if.” He looked over at her. “I think this is why Jamiebel likes you so much - you always have a kind soul about you, Santa. And to be honest, I’m starting to believe you, too.”
Santa blushed at this.
“If you ever need a helper, count on me and Jamiebel to be there for you.” Jim looked over at the television, watching on about the news throughout the continent of Europe.
“And me,” Mari agreed.
“Volunteering to be Christmas elves? What are we going to do, if I need reindeer and a sleigh, though?”
“There must be someone in the agency who can convert a boat from working in water to working in air.” Marisa solved one problem.
“Eh… we’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” Jim replied. “Right now, I think it’s best we relax for a bit. Christmas is coming soon, so...”
“Enzo will probably make me dress up again.” Santa concluded.
Jim watched on at the news with bored eyes, as he saw the same stories being repeated day after day… until one story caught his attention. The story reported a strange red flying object traveling over Europe apparently being towed by several of what witnesses claimed were reindeer.
“Flying reindeer? Do they want to say that cyborg assassins exist too?” Santa was skeptical about the report.
“Hold on, let’s hear what about this red flying object is so newsworthy about,” Jim replied, interest piqued.
/= Malice (track 7) - JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable OST - Good Morning, Morioh-cho! =/
According to the news, the object had been observed in several places in and around Norway and had been dropping large bags of coal, causing damage and injuries.
Jim raised his eyebrow in intrigue. “Oh? Could this Santa Claus actually be finding a way to punish the Naughties?”
“Santa Claus never did it by hitting people with coal - only leaving it as a present instead of whatever the people actually wanted.” Santa responded.
“Oh, come on, you guys don’t think he exists now, just because the news is showing someone similar… do you?” Marisa scolded them.
“Best to watch on; what else has he done?”
The most recent information the news was able to provide was that after spending some time in and around Norway the flying object seemed to be generally moving in the direction of Italy while continuing its coal dropping activities.
“Good grief, that doesn’t sound good,” Jim replied.
“If he actually makes it all the way here, he might become our target.” Santa speculated.
“Good, I want to expose him.” Marisa declared.
The boy nodded. “If we get called up on hand to stop him, I’ll gladly oblige to that. This isn’t our normal White Christmas anymore... if he involves guns in this, he definitely will be our target.”
“Me too. Having Alpha telling stories about other people with my name is enough, without this guy coming here and making things even worse.”
“Oh, geez, the guy’s stories are incredible, but wow, are they a bit over the top.” Jim switched his attention to the television again. “Please let there be no guns involved…”
“Now that you’ve said that, there probably will be.” Santa informed him.
“Let’s find out, shall we?”
“How?”
“Watching the news, of course.”
“At the rate it’s going, it’s going to be a few days though.”
Jamiebel walked over to where Santa, Jim, and Marisa were, and looked at them with a worried expression.
“Maybe they’ll run out of coal.” Santa encouraged them, “How much could one guy and a bunch of midgets have after all?”
“I looked up the news on the internet… looks like everyone’s reporting about this evil Santa Claus. What’s worse, the elves are using guns as well.”
Jim looked up at the pair of girls. “Welp, that settles it; he’s gonna be our target… now if Ferro assigns our fratelli this mission...”
“It’s going to be pretty confusing keeping track of whether people are talking about me or that guy.” Santa said.
“Any ideas for a nickname?” Jim asked the younger girls.
“Dolphin lover.” Marisa proposed.
“Dio Brando.” Santa answered, knowing Jim liked the character.
Jim grinned, and nodded. “... I’m going with Dio… no way Santa would see much of dolphins, and that’s just Mari, anyway. Shall we head over to the office?”
/= Cheerful Journey (track 1) - JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders OST - World =/
After some time, the Cassano and Loeb fratelli walked out of Ferro’s office, walking down the hallway while Marisa dashed off to get Elio’s approval to join the mission.
“Wow, that briefing took forever.” Enzo complained
“Well, looks like this is gonna be one for the history books,” Jim replied with a chuckle. “To mark the occasion, why don’t we just go out there with costumes?”
“You just want an excuse to have me dressed like my namesake, don’t you?” Santa asked.
“Honestly, I wouldn’t mind it too much; this is, if I recall correctly, the 50th mission that myself, Jim and Jamiebel have been assigned to,” Frédéric Loeb, the handler of Jim and Jamiebel, quipped. “Gotta do something to mark the occasion.”
“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Enzo obliged.
“And besides, they’ve got some pretty outlandish clothes too… can’t be left out in the cold,” Jim joked.
“Geez…” Jamiebel sighed. “When will the puns end with you?”
“Not now, that’s for sure.”
“Well, I like them,” Enzo huffed.
“Pudding brains…” Jamiebel muttered under her breath. “Let’s head to the changing rooms - I think that’s where our costumes are.”
‘What’s wrong with pudding?’ Santa wondered as they went over, ‘It’s jam brains you need to watch out for.’
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*Soon*
/= Italian Restaurant (track 17) - JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable OST - Good Morning, Morioh-cho! =/
“I think the Santa Claus costume looks great on you, Miss Cassano,” Jim quipped.
Santa sighed. Enzo had decided that he wanted to have her in her namesake outfit too, so she hadn’t had much choice.
“Your costume is pretty spiffy too, Jim; going for the flashy heroic look?” Enzo asked, trying to be a little in character for the person he was dressed as - Othar Tryggvassen, GENTLEMAN ADVENTURER, and wearer of green turtleneck sweaters and brown heroic trousers.
“Not quite - try flashy villainous look,” Jim corrected.
The boy’s costume was mostly yellow and black, with what appeared to be something that came out of the Eighties, for his jacket and pants were made of some yellow-goldish plastic leather; his leotard was all black, five gold ring bracelets each on his arms, with his headband, waistband and shin protectors all being a lime-green color and each showing off one heart at the front. To top it all off, Jim had his hair styled by Jamiebel to be standing up, with only the back of his head’s hair going downwards.
“Your costume description is way too long,” Enzo chastised him, “Mine and Santa’s combined are only half that much.”
“Careful, Enzo, that bit of dialogue could be too meta,” Jim whispered, hoping not to face some sort of divine punishment. “And besides, I wore this costume for Halloween; since it’s for Christmas now, it’ll be so I can deliver presents to The World… and have plenty of time to spare.”
“Please stop with the meta dialogue and the puns,” Jamiebel sighed with a grin. “You two always have something that has a pun in it, don’t you?”
“Of course not; if we did that, our superiors would take pun-itive measures against us.” Enzo answered.
Jamiebel sweatdropped, while Marisa arrived with permission to accompany the group from Elio - and after being delayed by having to go around work on the story’s (constantly crumbling) fourth wall, the young redhead was herded into a changing room with a costume by Santa.
Jamiebel's costume was a white leg- and shoulder-exposing skirt with brown edges. It had blue tails in front and back and blue stripes on the outsides of the sleeves as decorations. Finally, the costume had brown fur covering the tops of the sleeves connecting them to the skirt, a white hat with blue frills and brown lower edge, and white bow with gold edges on her right leg, above her primarily white-and-blue sandle-like shoes. Her hair was also tied up in a bun and hidden underneath the hat, as to match her character’s hairstyle; at the sides of her face were two bangs, framing aforementioned face.
“Even longer than Jim’s… but just barely,” Enzo sighed before turning to Frédéric. “Your turn - unless you can get your description to something super-short like, ‘He’s wearing a black tuxedo,’ Santa wins the ‘description shortness’ contest.”
“Well, I personally doubt I’ll win that contest,” Frédéric replied - in a crisp British accent, à la his character, “but I am fairly confident I may win the ‘popularity’ contest… for you see, I’m simply one hell of a butler.”
Frédéric’s costume fit his description as “one hell of a butler”; his coat had a pair of tails also trailing him, but his pants, coat, tie and shoes were all black, apart from his Victorian-era style undershirt and gloves, which were white. His hairstyle was well different from his usual slicked-back style, now being a neat formal style, with two large bangs framing his face, much like Jamiebel’s.
“Thank goodness, a shorter description… apparently, the hell butler likes black and white, just like his cyborgs.”
Frédéric shrugged and chuckled. “Well, it should make my serving role more obvious.”
“You’re serving? I’d like a couple hot dogs; and some ketchup. We already have Jim and Jam’ here to be salt and pepper, so no need to bring those.”
“Technically I’m mustard,” Jim quipped.
“HA! You’ve foiled yourself, villain!” Enzo got into character a little too, “Santa doesn’t like mustard!”
“Yes, my lord,” Frédéric replied (in character) jokingly, bowing with his left arm over his chest.
“Ahoy, landlubbers, I’m ready!” Marisa emerged from the changing room.
Marisa’s costume was a purple sleeveless shirt, dark blue equally sleeveless vest, white shorts with a red band around her waist, and red bandanna sitting on her shoulders.
“Are you two going to be warm enough in those clothes?” Santa asked Jim and Jamiebel.
“We’ll make sure to bring extra coats,” Jim replied.
Jamiebel nodded in agreement. “My character comes from a place called Lowee, which is a land of snow… so why not?”
“Because that’s the character, and you’re just copying her appearance as best you can.” Santa replied.
“Well, you got me there,” Jamiebel chuckled, as she held up a giant hammer. “The staff part can be collapsible, by the by.”
“Is that your prop? I don’t have anything nice like that.” Santa said, looking a little sad.
“To be fair, I don’t have anything like that too,” Jim replied, “so I’ve had to make do with these actual combat knives.” He revealed a belt of knives around his waist and under his waistband.
“Still better than me.”
“Not better than me though, for my cutlass is better than anything you guys have,” Marisa boasted.
‘I still don’t have anything,’ Santa thought, without even bothering to say it.
“You’re a badass cyborg, you don’t need anything else. Let’s get going; that Santa imitator won’t wait for us.” Enzo encouraged her and got the group moving.
“You heard the gentleman adventurer - let’s move out,” Frédéric obliged.
‘What about my hot dogs?’ Enzo wondered, as they left.
/= ±0 (track 8) - Hyperdimension Neptunia: The Animation OST Vol. 1 =/
“It’s too bad we couldn’t get more people to come with us. With Dio and all his elves, the numbers are going to be close to even.” Santa worried out loud.
Jim shrugged. “Don’t worry, they’ll be coming... in due time.”
“It’s only Alpha and Davina though - and Dio has at least three elves that we could see on the news. If he has more than one more that, we couldn’t see we’ll be outnumbered,” Santa continued to worry.
The boy chuckled, before laughing. “I’m sorry, I’m just laughing at how you’re questioning two of the great cyborgs of our time; Alpha has been there and done that, and Davina’s gonna think a few elves is just a warm-up. Dio and his elves may outnumber us, but we have skill galore on our side. Plus, Alpha’s essentially bringing a gatling gun with him, thus making his numbers advantage completely irr...
