Play Nice (Make the Play Book 3 - Amber Garza

PLAY NICE

Amber Garza

Cover: Matt @ The Cover Lure Copyright © 2016 Amber Garza All rights reserved. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. For information: ambergarza.com

To Megan, for partnering with me in this crazy journey and for being a great friend as well.

Table of Contents HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY

HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY HAYES ASHLEY AUTHOR’S NOTE AND ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ABOUT THE AUTHOR

HAYES It’s the last party of summer, and everyone’s here. As I step out of my car, I scan the sea of teenagers, searching for Talia. I know she’s here somewhere. Probably with Ashley. Frowning, I yank my phone out of my pocket to see if she texted me. She hasn’t. Oh, well. I’ll find her.

Lumbering

over

twigs

and

leaves, I make my way onto the grassy field of Old Man Willis’s property. A few girls stand in a circle, laughing and chatting. I stop to look, but Talia’s not with them. “Hey, man.” Brady slaps me on the back. He’s holding a red solo cup and wearing a hazy grin. “Hey,” I respond, and then open

my mouth to ask if he’s seen Talia, when I spot

Josh,

Chase

and

Michael

swaggering in our direction. “Oh, look, it’s the new dream team,” I say sarcastically, and Brady laughs. “What’s so funny?” Josh asks when he reaches us. “You guys are,” I shoot back. Josh narrows his eyes. But Chase isn’t rattled. He slings

an arm over Michael’s shoulder, a broad smile sweeping his face. “You’re not gonna be laughing soon, boys. Not when you see the battery in action.” “The battery?” I shake my head in disbelief. It’s not that I’ve never heard of the pitcher and catcher being called the battery of the team before, but Cal and Christian never would’ve said something so stupid.

“Yep.” “Let’s just hope you two can hold a charge,” I say dryly, and Brady chuckles. Josh crosses his arms over his chest. “Laugh all you want, Hayes, but just wait and see. This year we’re gonna kick ass now that we’ve gotten rid of Cal and Chris.” I furrow my brows. Brady and I

exchange confused looks. “As opposed to what? Cal and Chris led the Panthers to victory four years in a row.” Josh shrugs as if what I said was ridiculous instead of the other way around. “Whatever. We’re better off without them. Trust me.” I don’t trust him, but I don’t say that. Josh may be annoying, but he’s my teammate. Therefore, we should get

along. Besides, this year he’ll play short, and as first baseman, I need to be able to work with him. “Where’s Talia?” Josh asks. “She didn’t dump you already, did she?” Irritation bubbles inside of me, and I fist my hands at my sides. “She’s here somewhere. In fact, I think she’s with your girlfriend.” My lips twitch at the edges. “Unless Ashley already got

wise and dumped your sorry ass.” Two can play at this game. Josh snorts. “Are you kidding? That chick worships the ground I walk on.” Chase and Michael guffaw as if what he said was the funniest crap ever. I shake my head. His ego could stand to go down a few notches. However, I have a feeling that with Cal and Chris gone, it will only get worse.

They were good at putting him in his place. “Dude, how did you land Talia anyway?” Michael interjects, causing my stomach to sour. I’m so tired of this question. Ever since Talia and I started dating at the beginning of the summer, everyone’s been in shock. I mean, I know I’m not the heartthrob of the team, but it’s not like

I’m Quasimodo. I can get the chicks. I’ve dated lots of girls before. Not girls as hot as Talia, but they weren’t butt-ugly either. It’s true that I generally get friendzoned early on with most girls. I think it’s because I’m known as the nice, funny guy. But I do have a few things going for me when it comes to the ladies – my charm, likeability, and the fact that I’m a damn good baseball player. I’m pretty

sure those were the things that attracted Talia. But instead of showing Michael that he’s rattled me, I throw out my arms and jiggle my body. “I mean, look at all this sexiness? Do you really have to ask that question?” A round of laughter circles me. “What he’s saying is that she likes a comedian,” Josh teases.

“Then she chose the right guy,” Chase adds. “Do you make her laugh in the sack?” Michael asks, laughing. “Is that how you keep her entertained?” “Trust me, she’s not laughing when we’re in the sack,” I say, but then feel bad about what I’m insinuating. The truth is that Talia and I haven’t exactly been in the sack together. All we’ve

done is kiss. And the last thing I want to do is give off the impression that we’ve done more. But I also don’t want to confirm what they already think. That I’m a joke. That a girl wouldn’t want to sleep with me. Therefore, I keep my mouth shut like a damn coward. “On that note, I’m getting a drink,” Josh announces, spinning around on his heels.

“Me too.” Chase follows like his little shadow. It will be interesting to see how their dynamic changes now that Chase will be our star pitcher. “Good luck with the two of them,” I say to Michael. He shrugs. “It’s cool. Josh can be kind of a dick, but Chase is growing on me.” “Good thing,” Brady says exactly

what I’m thinking. The pitcher and catcher have to have a good relationship. The battery thing was a lame joke, but it was also true. Chase and Michael need to work well together if the Panthers plan to keep up our winning streak. Chris and Cal made a great team, but it was partly because they were best friends. They’d been tight since they were kids. “Hey, you two need a drink!”

He says suddenly, eyeing our empty hands. “And I need another.” Chuckling, I follow Brady over to a keg that’s set up in the middle of the grass. Brady helps Michael and I fill our cups with bitter scented beer. Mine is a little too full, and it foams out the top of the cup, running down my wrist. I wipe away the liquid with my hand and then take a sip to keep it from spilling any

more. As I drink my beer, I keep my eyes peeled for Talia. After getting his own drink, Brady sidles up next to me, nudging me in the side with his elbow. “I know who you’re looking for.” It doesn’t exactly take a rocket scientist. I’m always looking for Talia. Or thinking about Talia. Or calling Talia.

Sometimes it embarrasses me to know how much I like her. It’s definitely not something I’d admit to any of my guy friends,

although deep

down they

probably suspect it. She’s one of the girls at school that every guy wants to be with. And she’s mine. Some days I want to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.

Because lord knows I’ve had my share of Talia dreams over the years, and never did I think they would come true. Hell, I’m one of the few guys on the team who can’t even get Ashley. Not that Ashley isn’t as hot as Talia, because she is. But she’s also easy, whereas Talia’s not. Ashley’s made the rounds on the baseball team, but Talia’s only dated one guy other than me on the team, Palmer,

and he graduated last year. That was why he and Talia broke up. Palmer went away to college and didn’t want a long-distance relationship. Talia was broken up about it, and that’s how I came into the picture. Palmer and I were tight, so I’d gotten to know Talia while they were together. When Palmer left, I offered her a shoulder to cry on. And by “shoulder to cry on” I mean that I

cracked jokes and made her laugh at every opportunity. Pretty soon, she was seeking

me

out

unprovoked.

And

oftentimes, she didn’t even want to talk about Palmer, she only wanted to hang out with me. And that’s when Brady dared me to ask Talia on a date. Honestly, I expected her to say no. I was completely shocked when she didn’t. Brady was

too. I can still see that crazy look on his face when I told him Talia said yes. His mouth was so wide I could’ve shoved a baseball inside it. Glancing at him now, I knit my eyebrows together. “She told me she’d be here with Ashley, but I don’t see either of them.” I swing my gaze around the crowded field again. “Of course there are so many people here, it’s hard

to see.” “Maybe she’s hiding from you, man.” Brady tosses another gulp of beer back. “Yeah.” I chuckle, but his words unsettle me a little. It is weird that Talia hasn’t texted or called me all afternoon or evening. Reaching into the pocket of my jeans, I take out my phone and turn it on. Nope. Still no text or phone call.

Huh. “There’s

Ashley.”

Michael

points with his index finger. Ashley staggers in my direction, holding a red cup in her hand, but Talia’s not with her. I step away from my friends and walk towards Ashley. “Do you know where Talia is?” I ask, even before reaching her. She shakes her head. “I was

coming to ask you the same thing.” I halt in my tracks. “I thought you were coming together.” “We did, but then I lost track of her after we got here.” Meaning she hooked up with Josh and ditched Talia. Frustration burns through me. “You left her alone?” “Hey,”

she

says,

her

eyes

widening as if she’s offended. “I didn’t

leave her. She took off.” Worry for Talia takes root. I glance around the field, noting there are even more people than before. What kind of person leaves their friend alone in a place like this? “Had Talia been drinking?” “Duh.” Ashley’s eyes bug out. “It’s a party.” My patience is wearing thin. I

grab Ashley by the shoulders. “Ashley, we need to find her.” She shrugs my hands off, looking at me like I’ve sprouted two heads. “Relax. It’s not like we don’t know where she is. I mean, she’s gotta be around here somewhere, right?’ Eyeing me for a minute, her forehead turns into a mess of squiggly lines. “What are you so hyped up about?”

Is she for real? “Something could’ve happened to her.” “Like what?” “Like someone could’ve taken advantage of her.” My agitation is growing by the second. Desperate, I scan the field again, praying for a glimpse of her. “Someone’s been watching a little too many crime dramas.” She rolls

her eyes. I take a deep breath, forcing my anger to subside before I do something I regret. Yanking on Ashley’s arm, I pull her forward. “C’mon, let’s go find her.” “Whatever

you

say,

Mr.

Superhero. I’m sure she’ll be so impressed when you swoop in and save her from all her partying.” I bite back a snide remark. It

doesn’t matter anyway. It would fall on deaf ears. Ashley’s so drunk right now she probably won’t remember our conversation tomorrow. And even if she did, she wouldn’t care. If there’s one thing we all know about Ashley, it’s that the only person she cares about is herself. Talia’s nothing more than a puppet to her. Someone to string along. Someone to do her bidding.

I’ve often questioned Talia about her friendship with Ashley, and even she can’t tell me why she chooses to hang out with her. From what I can gather, it’s more out of comfortability than anything. They’ve been friends since childhood. Ashley and I weave our way through clusters of teenagers. As a breeze whisks over us, I catch a whiff of her overpowering perfume. There was a

time that scent turned me on. It’s no secret that I used to have a crush on Ashley. I think she even knew I did. But nothing ever came of it. And I’m probably better off. She’s known for breaking guys’ hearts. I’ve seen the evidence of it. Then again, she’s been with Josh for awhile. They’ve lasted a lot longer than any of us thought they would.

Ashley stops without warning, a small gasp sounding at the back of her throat. Warning bells go off in my head. I turn to where Ashley is staring, and immediately wish I’d never followed her gaze. I want to wash out my damn eyes, to erase what I’ve seen. But I know that no matter what I do, I’ll never be able to get this image out of my head.

The

image

of

Josh’s

lips

plastered to my girlfriend’s. And it’s not only their lips. Their bodies are tangled together as if they’re hoping to become one. I watch in disgust as his hands play with her hair, and hers roam his chest. I’m frozen, unable to move or speak. Unable to look away. It’s Ashley who speaks first. “What the hell?”

Talia jerks backward. When her gaze rests on us, shame cloaks her features. Josh takes a little more time to come out of his daze, but when he does he looks more smug than embarrassed. Figures. Pushing away from Josh, Talia scrambles up off the ground, brushing dirt and leaves from her knees. It makes this whole thing even more disgusting. The fact that she was willing to roll

around in the grass with this idiot, to get dirty. That’s not her style. “I can’t believe this,” Ashley says, glaring at Josh and then Talia. I

want

to

say

something,

anything, but it’s like I’ve lost the ability to

speak.

Talia

approaches

me,

appearing wary. And she should be. I’m freaking pissed. So pissed that I have to get the hell outta here.

Pivoting, I stalk away. “Hayes!” Talia calls after me, but I don’t turn around. Instead, I walk even faster, as if by doing so I can outrun the entire thing. As if I can walk away from this and pretend it never happened.

ASHLEY I suppose I should have expected this from Josh. I’ve always known what kind of guy he is. This is exactly how we started out. We hooked up when he was together with Emmy. Back then, I stole my friend’s boyfriend, and now my friend stole mine. It’s poetic justice

really. It’s what I deserve. However,

that

knowledge

doesn’t make this any easier. I know what people think about me. They think I have no feelings. That I’m heartless. An ice cold bitch. It’s what I want people to believe. If anyone knew how sensitive I really am, they’d be shocked. Not that anyone will ever know. I

plan on taking it to my grave. And that’s why I bite down hard on my bottom lip and blink back the tears that threaten to penetrate. No way am I giving in to my emotions right now. No one will ever see how much this has hurt me. After Hayes takes off and Talia chases after him, I hold my head high, my gaze level with Josh’s. I’m not naïve

enough to hope for remorse, or even guilt. I didn’t go into this relationship blindly. From the moment we started seeing each other I knew the deal. I think that’s why our relationship has worked out as long as it has. In the past Josh and I haven’t done well with commitment, and everyone has been shocked at the length of time we’ve stayed together. But I know the real reason, and trust me, it’s

not as romantic as some might think. It’s simply because we’re alike. We’re both users.

Manipulators.

Therefore,

we

know the score. Josh often tells me that he doesn’t worry about me falling for him because he knows I’m as guarded as he is and that I’ll never let that happen. The problem is that I have fallen for him. He just doesn’t know it. No one does.

On the surface Josh seems like nothing more than an arrogant jerk, but in the moments when he lets his guard down, he’s actually very sweet. In those rare moments when I’ve seen the real Josh, I’ve had hope that maybe one day I could show him the real me, and I’ve been holding my breath in anticipation. Looks like now I can breathe deeply, expelling that broken dream. I can blow

it out and watch it die in the yellow, brittle grass by my feet. “You and Talia, huh?” I cross my arms over my chest, as if the mere act can protect my heart. One side of his lip curls upward in a lopsided smirk. Then he lifts his shoulders briefly. “Can you blame her?” “I can blame both of you, actually.” The words shoot out before I

can stop them. The smile dies on his lips. He steps forward, studying my face. “Are you jealous?” “No,” I snap, bristling at his words. “Of course I’m not jealous of her.” “You’re upset.” I can’t tell if he’s concerned or amused, and it pisses me off.

“Of course I’m upset,” I hiss, my gaze sweeping the field. Many eyes are fixed on us, and I’m sure word has spread like wildfire already. I can practically see the words branded across the field, smoke lingering in the air. “You’ve embarrassed me in front of everyone.” “That’s

why

you’re

upset?

Because I embarrassed you?” Josh

blows out a breath, an incredulous look painting his face. “Man, for a second I guess I thought…” Shaking his head, he clamps his mouth shut. “Never mind.” “You thought what?” He pauses wearing a pensive expression. “For a second it seemed like maybe you cared about me. Cared about us. But clearly, you don’t.” I’m taken aback by his words.

“Oh, yeah? And do you care about me? Is this how you show it? By making out with my friend?” “You can hardly fault me for this, Ash.” Cocking my head to the side, I pin him with a glare. “Whose fault is it then?” He shrugs. “All of ours, I guess.” This ought to be good. “How

can you even imply that I share any blame in this?” He steps closer to me. “C’mon, Ash. Our relationship was never real, and you know it.” “Then why not end it a long time ago?” “Cause it was fun.” My heart pounds in my chest. “Oh, yeah. I’m having a blast right now.”

Josh’s

face

grows

serious.

Lifting his hand, he gently touches my cheek. I reel back. “I honestly never wanted to hurt you.” A bitter laugh escapes. “Sure you didn’t.” He shakes his head. “Go ahead and play the victim all you want. It’s what you’re good at.” “I am the victim,” I point out.

“Are you?” “What is

that supposed

to

mean?” Why does he keep talking in damn circles? “Dating you is like dating a block of ice. You never thaw. You never open up. I mean, we’ve been together for months, and I don’t know you at all,” he says. “Talia was more open with me tonight than you ever have been.”

His

words

hit

their

mark,

piercing my heart. I almost cry out in pain, but I don’t. Instead, I take a deep breath and stand tall. “Well, then I guess you chose the right girl.” “Whoa. Wait.” He throws up his arms, palms showing. “I didn’t choose her over you. It was just a kiss.” I spin around. “Goodbye Josh.” He grabs my arm. “Are you

breaking up with me?” “We

weren’t

in

a

real

relationship,” I throw his words back in his face. “So I guess this isn’t a real break up.” Shaking his arm off, I step away from him. “I’ll see ya around.” As I walk forward, I fight to keep my composure. Everyone’s eyes are on me, hushed whispers spilling from their lips, but I don’t acknowledge

them. Instead I continue to walk steadily forward, my head held high. Besides, I don’t need to see people’s faces to know how smug they look. It’s no secret that most students at our school don’t like me. And it’s not like I can complain about that, since it’s my fault. I haven’t exactly treated people nicely. When I reach the trees positioned directly in front of the rocky gravel

where the cars are parked, I exhale with relief. Stepping past one of the trees, I’m grateful to be hidden from the watchful eyes of the partygoers. Leaning against it, I breathe deeply and stare up at the leafy branches. Voices nearby catch my attention, and I whip my head in the direction of them. Talia and Hayes stand near his car

having a

heated

conversation.

Staying hidden in the shadows, I hone into their words. I’m curious how Talia’s going to talk her way out of this one. By the look on Hayes’ face when we caught Josh and Talia together, I’d say he’s pretty upset. Then again, he’s also totally into her, so maybe he’ll end up forgiving her. “I thought you were better than this,” Hayes says.

Clearly he doesn’t know her very well. “C’mon, Hayes, you’re acting like I murdered someone. It was a kiss. No biggie,” Talia responds with a shrug. “No biggie?” Hayes eyes widen. “You have a boyfriend, and Josh has a girlfriend. Not only that, but she’s your best friend. How can you call this ‘no biggie’?”

“You and I both know that Josh and Ashley’s relationship is just a ruse. She only went after him to hurt Emmy. Everyone knows that.” “Fine,” Hayes says in a gruff voice. “Then forget Ashley.” I frown at his words. He takes a step toward Talia. “What about us? What about the way you hurt me? Didn’t you stop to consider my feelings?”

My insides twist as I stare at his ravaged features. I’ve never had a guy look at me like he’s looking at Talia. It’s so raw and real that I have to turn away, so I drop my gaze to my feet. “I never wanted to hurt you,” Talia says quietly. Man, did she and Josh rehearse that line? “Then why did you?”

A pause. I glance up. “I don’t know.” Talia sighs. “I guess I was just feeling kind of smothered. I mean, you’re a nice guy, but you come on a little strong.” An embarrassed look crosses Hayes’ face, and my heart pinches. He’s way too nice of a guy to go out with Talia. “We’re only in high school. I want to have fun and be free while I can.”

“But you never said anything,” Hayes points out. “You could’ve broken up with me instead of going behind my back like that.” “I know, and I guess I should have. But you’re always so sweet, I just couldn’t get up the nerve to do it.” “Then I guess tonight is your lucky night.” Hayes backs away from her. “You got your wish. You’re free of

me.” Talia’s shoulders stiffen. I hold my breath. Finally, she says, “I’m sorry.” Then she spins on her heels and hurries back to the party. I want to watch her to see where she goes, but I can’t tear my eyes away from Hayes. He looks so sad, it causes emotion to rise in my throat. Frantically,

I swallow it down. If I don’t allow myself to cry over my own depressing life, I’m certainly not going to cry over his. It seems we are both fighting the same inner battle by the way he’s blinking and biting his lip. I know Hayes won’t allow himself to cry either, and for some reason it endears me to him. I’ve never liked Hayes that much, and I’m not even sure why. He’s a

nice guy. Great ball player. Funny as hell. Sure, he’s a little bigger than the other guys, but he’s not exactly fat. And he’s not bad looking. Not hot like Cal or Christian, or even Josh. But he’s definitely got potential. I think the main reason I’ve avoided Hayes is because he’s not the kind of guy you play games with. He may spout off jokes and tease people a lot, but there’s a genuineness to

him that’s unnerving. It’s the main reason I cautioned Talia against going out with him. She thought I was being mean, but that wasn’t the case. I knew she’d end up breaking his heart. And that’s the exact reason I should walk away, continue to keep my distance. Both of us are raw right now. Our emotions are right at the surface. The smart thing to do is turn around and

never look back. But I can’t do it. Not when he appears so devastated and alone. It surprises me, actually. I’m not usually the sympathetic type. Then again, I’ve been hurt tonight too, so maybe that’s why. Pushing off the tree trunk, I step out into the open. Gravel crunches beneath my sandals. Hayes glances up, his gaze meeting mine.

“Hey,” I say softly. “Hey,” he responds, shoving his hands into the pocket of his jeans. In the distance, I hear chattering and laughing. It reminds me that everyone else is having fun and partying. That should be us. We should be out there too. Anger at Josh and Talia rears its ugly head. “Pretty crappy night, huh?” A bitter laugh escapes through my lips.

“I’ve definitely had better.” The corner of his lips tug upward, then they dip, his eyes searching mine as concern fills his face. “You okay?” I pause mid-step. After the exchange I witnessed between him and Talia, I didn’t expect him to ask about my well-being. And the fact that he appears genuinely concerned almost makes me want to tell him the truth. That

I’m not okay. Not by a long shot. But as kind as Hayes is being in this moment, I can’t trust him. I can’t let down my walls and bear my soul. If word got out that I was sad over Josh and Talia’s kiss, it would destroy me. It would give everyone else power over me. And I can’t have that. So I nod. “Yeah, I’m fine. You?” “I’m okay.” His head bobs up

and down emphatically as if he’s trying to convince himself too. His gaze sweeps the area around us landing on Talia’s little Toyota. “You ride here with Talia?” “I sure did,” I answer dryly. “I’m assuming you don’t want to ride home with her.” “Your correct.”

assumption would be

The sliver of a smile makes its way to his face. “Wanna ride with me?” “Sure,” I say, walking toward him.

HAYES This is definitely not the way I envisioned my evening ending. It’s supposed to be Talia beside me, not Ashley. There was a time when I would’ve done almost anything to give Ashley a ride home. I can’t even count on one hand how many times I offered, but she was never interested. She’d

never been interested in me at all. Not even as a friend. But tonight it’s not Ashley I want. I stopped wanting her a long time ago. Rejection will do that to a guy. The only person I want is Talia, but clearly that ship has sailed. As I turn the corner, I glance swiftly at Ashley. She stares out the window, twirling a strand of white

blond hair around her index finger. It’s the longest Ashley’s ever been this quiet. The girl can never keep her mouth shut. My stomach knots. She’s sad. It’s easy to assume that Ashley has no feelings, but it’s obvious that she’s hurting. I can see it in the way her mouth curls downward, in the slope of her shoulders, in the quiver of her lips and hollowness in her eyes.

Her head snaps in my direction, startling me. “What? Why are you staring at me like that?” “Nothing. No reason.” I whip my head back toward the road. My heart picks up speed, hammering beneath my rib cage. Why was I staring at her like that? For a minute I even felt sorry for her, but I won’t make that mistake again. By the coldness in her tone, I’m starting

to think I misread the situation. She sighs heavily. “Man, this night sucks, huh?” Annoyance bubbles inside of me like a pot simmering on the stove. The last thing I need is to listen to her whine. “Can you believe the nerve of the two of them?” She continues, picking at a thread on her shorts. My annoyance dissipates. She’s

not the one I’m mad at anyway. It’s easier to be angry with Ashley than it is to be angry with Talia. Partly because I’m usually irritated with Ashley, and also because if I allow myself to feel anger toward Talia, then I’m forced to admit that she hurt me. “I mean, we don’t deserve this.” Her bottom lip protrudes. I’m not sure that’s true. Sure, I

don’t deserve this, but I’m certain there are plenty of people who would agree that Ashley got exactly what she deserved tonight. I’m about to spout off a joke about that when my eyes crash into hers. I’m expecting the usual smugness, but instead sadness and betrayal rage inside. The words die on my lips, and I struggle to tear my gaze from hers. “No,” I finally say. “We don’t.”

With a look of discomfort, she glances away from me. Then her eyes widen. “Hayes, watch out!” she hollers. Shit. I wasn’t paying attention, and I careened into the opposite lane. A car heads directly toward me. I swerve and my car jerks back into our lane. I exhale when the other car zips past without hitting us. “Sorry,” I mumble.

“Just focus on the road.” The exasperated Ashely is back. The one I know so well. Gone is the vulnerable girl from a few seconds ago. But I knew it wouldn’t last. It’s Ashley. She doesn’t do vulnerable or sympathetic. We may have both been betrayed tonight, but only one of us had our heart shattered into a million pieces, and that person isn’t Ashley. In fact, I bet she’ll be dating

someone new by tomorrow. I’m grateful when I turn onto Ashley’s street. I’m ready to have her out of my car. I need some alone time to process everything. “I heard what Talia said to you tonight,” she whispers. “What? When?” “When you were talking at your car.”

My

stomach

twists.

She

eavesdropped on that? Great. I’m sure the whole school will know about it now. I bet she’s chomping at the bit to run off and start calling all of her friends. “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna say anything.” After pulling up to Ashley’s house, I freeze. Had I spouted off my

concerns out loud? I was pretty sure I had only thought them. “For what it’s worth, I thought Talia really liked you.” She reaches for the doorknob, and turns it. When the door opens, a cool breeze blows through the car. “And I think what she did to you was pretty shitty.” Without looking back, she steps out of the car, slamming the door shut. Then she hurries toward her

front door. Mouth gaping, I watch her slip inside the darkened house. Wow, this entire night was unexpected. Nothing went the way I thought it would. Peering up at the sky, I wonder if the full moon is causing everyone to act this way. Puzzled, I pull away from the curb and head home.

***

I had expected to walk into school the first day of my senior year with Talia on my arm. We’d even talked about it in the last couple of weeks. Made plans to ride together. She and I were both looking forward to being seniors; ruling the school. As I pull into the parking lot alone, I wonder if she’s with Josh. It

wouldn’t surprise me. Searching for a space, I also keep my eyes peeled for Josh or Talia. When I don’t see either of them, I heave a sigh of relief. Maybe they both got sick. Perhaps he had a virus or infection and he spread it to her when they were kissing. Guiding my car into a space, I chuckle at the thought. Then guilt racks me. I shouldn’t be wishing illness on

them. Then again, after what they did to me, they asked for it. Turning off the engine, I yank out my keys. Shoving them into the pocket of my jeans, I snatch my backpack off the passenger seat and hop out my car. As I’m slamming the door shut with my hip, I spot Talia across the lot, surrounded by a group of friends. Momentarily I wonder if Ashley’s with her. A quick scan tells me she isn’t. My

heart pinches, confusing me. Since when do I care about Ashley? Sighing, I fling my backpack over my shoulder and step forward. The chatter and laughter of Talia and her friends reach me all the way over here. Averting my gaze, I turn my head the opposite direction. That’s when I see Josh walking with Nolan and Chase. All three of them are whistling at a few girls

that are walking in front of them. I shake my head in disgust. So he and Talia didn’t come to school together after all, and from the way he’s behaving, I’m guessing they aren’t together. I should feel relieved, but I don’t. That means that Talia didn’t break up with me for Josh. She broke up with me simply because she didn’t want to be with me. For some reason this bugs

me even more. With my head bent, I fall in line with a sea of students, hoping to blend in before Josh or Talia notices me. I’ve never been the kind of guy to hide. I’m the life of the party. The guy who sticks out like a sore thumb. But today I prefer to remain incognito. Wow. What an awesome way to start my senior year. For the first time, I regret dating Talia.

Even when she broke it off at the party, I still hadn’t wished the relationship away. Dating her had given me notoriety for an entire summer. Besides, I liked her, and we had fun together. But today, all of those fuzzy feelings vanish, replaced with remorse. If I’d never gone out with her, I wouldn’t be feeling like this today. I wouldn’t be sulking. I’d be celebrating.

A splash of blond hair and a flash of pink catch my attention. I freeze. Is that Ashley sitting in her car? Yep. And it doesn’t appear that she’s planning to get out of it any time soon. I know I should ignore her and keep walking. If I go talk to her she’ll probably end up telling me to go to hell or something equally flattering. But her dejected expression cuts to my heart.

Man, I’m a sucker. You’d think after what Talia put me through I’d have learned my lesson, but apparently not. Reaching Ashley’s car, I gently rap on her window. Her head slowly moves upward. When her eyes meet mine, I suck in a breath. Had she been crying? Huffing, she rolls down her window. “What do you want?” Her tone

is not friendly at all. I almost whirl around and stomp off, but the moisture in her eyes keeps me rooted in place. She may be playing the tough girl who doesn’t need anyone, but clearly that’s not the case. “Just wanted to see if…” I want to ask her if she’s all right, but I know better than that. “Um…just wanted to say hi.” “Hi,” she says curtly.

I run a hand through my hair trying to figure out how to proceed. Would it kill her to give me something? “Is that all?” She doesn’t even bother masking her irritation with me. “Yeah.” I start to turn around. Then I stop. “Are you….um…coming inside the school or are you planning to sit out here all day?” The corner of her lip twitches.

“Staying out here sounds pretty tempting right now.” “I hear ya.” “But I guess ditching the first day isn’t smart, huh?” “Could be fun though,” I banter back, glad that I’m able to draw her out a bit. She sighs, her shoulders rising and falling. “This isn’t how I thought I’d

start senior year.” Her gaze darts to her hands. “Josh and I always joked that we’d reign over the school this year.” “Yeah. Talia and I kind of had the same idea going.” “Would’ve been hard to have two rulers.” This time her lips curl upward a little more, and I’m struck with how pretty she is when she actually smiles. So often she’s got that sour look

on her face. I like this better. I shrug. “Then I guess you and Josh would’ve had to step down.” “Oh,

yeah?”

She

cocks

an

eyebrow. I shake my head. “Doesn’t matter now, huh?” “No, it doesn’t.” Her face grows serious, her gaze sweeping the parking lot. All of the other students are walking

in clusters or with friends. Biting her lip, she reaches for her backpack. I step back as she opens her car door. “Never thought I’d be walking into school on the first day of senior year alone.” “You’re not alone,” I say as she gets out of the vehicle. After she closes the door, I offer her my arm. It’s a risky move. She could easily shove it away, but if there was ever a time when Ashley

needed me, it’s now. “C’mon.” She hesitates a moment, but then slips her arm through mine. “Okay. Let’s do this.” With our arms linked and heads held high, Ashley and I enter the school together.

ASHLEY If it had been any other day, I would have turned down Hayes’ offer. In fact, on many other days I had said no to him. But today I need him. There’s no way I can walk into the school alone. I’m Ashley

McIntosh.

I’m

always

surrounded by other people; by girls who want to be like me and boys who

want to be with me. Not alone. Not ever. Hayes may not be my first choice, but he’s better than nothing. Of course I don’t share this with him. Pretty sure if I do he’ll take off and never look back. The thought causes me to clutch his arm tighter. It’s weird how the tables have turned so quickly. I’m not used to being reliant on anyone. I’ve never been the needy girl. I’m the girl

people need. For the past four years I’ve had an endless supply of people clamoring to be near me. Now I’m terrified of having no one. How has this happened? When Hayes and I enter the school hallway, I immediately spot Talia. She’s what happened. Anger thrashes in my veins. I made Talia. Before I took her under my wing, no one

even knew who she was. Her popularity is all because of our friendship, and this is how she repays me? By stealing my boyfriend and making me look like a fool? When her head swivels in my direction, I narrow my eyes. I hold her gaze steady. Yeah, that’s right. Don’t expect me to cower. Her eyes flicker to Hayes,

surprise

evident.

Taking

advantage of the situation, I seductively rub his arm and smile. Hayes stiffens. He wears a knowing expression, and my stomach sours. He’s the only person at this school who’s being halfway decent toward me, and I’m treating him like a pawn. God, what is wrong with me? Talia approaches. “So this is how you thought you’d get back at me, huh?”

Hayes face reddens, and he starts to pull away from me. But I hold fiercely to his arm. “What are you talking about?” I speak in my sweetest voice, feigning innocence. “Oh, come on, Ash. You can’t pull one over on me. We’ve been friends too long,” Talia responds. That’s it. Enough is enough. “Oh, we’re not friends,” I snap. “That all

ended when you decided to hook up with my boyfriend!” “Well, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black,” Talia answers smugly. “What?” I’m confused. “What the hell does that mean?” “It’s a saying,” Hayes mumbles. “Whatever.” I shake my head, scowling at the look Talia’s giving me. It’s not quite a look of pity, but it’s close,

and I don’t appreciate it at all. “It just means that this is the sort of thing you normally do to your friends.” She smirks. “Not as cool when the shoe is on the other foot, is it?” “What is it with you and all these idioms?” I ask, exasperated. “Oooh, I’m impressed. You knew the word ‘idiom’,” she says with a giggle.

Why is she so mean all of the sudden? My head is spinning. “C’mon, Talia, back off,” Hayes says, and that’s when I realize he’s still holding my arm. I’m pretty sure he’s the only thing keeping me upright. And it makes me even more upset with Talia. “So maybe I got what I deserve. That’s what this was about, right? You putting me in my place,” I say.

“But what about Hayes? He never hurt you, so why put him through this?” Talia’s eyebrows jump up. “Oh, now you’re concerned with Hayes? The guy you told me not to date because he was a,” she pauses to make air quotes “big fat tub a’ goo.” She chuckles. Hayes’ face pales. My stomach drops. “You’ve never said anything nice about Hayes, so don’t try to act all high and

mighty now.” Hayes yanks his arm from mine. I turn to him, opening my mouth to apologize, but he silences my words with a firm shake of his head. “I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, but please, from now on, leave me the hell out of it.” Throwing us a disgusted look, he stalks down the hallway.

“That was really low, Talia,” I speak under my breath. “They were your words, Ash,” she points out. She’s right. They were my words. And I haven’t only said them to her.

I

distinctly

remember

Emmy

encouraging me to date Hayes, and I told her the same thing. Man, sometimes I can be a bitch. I feel sick.

Talia studies my face. “Huh. Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you do have a conscience.” “No,” I say, not allowing her to see that she’s gotten to me. “You were right about me, but I was definitely wrong about you.” The bell rings and everyone scurries in different directions. Talia hurries down the hall. I stand in place

until the hallway is cleared out, and then I let out a ragged breath. I should’ve

stuck with my

original plan and stayed in the car.

***

The house is empty when I get home from school. After stepping inside, the air conditioner kicks on. I shiver. The

scent of bleach mixed with potpourri wafts around me, causing my stomach to churn. I’m weary from the day, and my backpack slips from my shoulders. But I tug it back up. All of my friends discard their backpacks by the front door, but that’s not acceptable here. I have a hook on the wall in my bedroom, and it’s the only place where I can hang it. On a different day I might be rebellious and

toss it on the ground, but not today. I’ve already been through enough. The last thing I want to do is heap Mom’s wrath on top of it. So I trek down the hallway to my bedroom and carefully hang my backpack on the hook near the doorway. Then I head into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, maybe a snack. After taking a giant gulp of cold liquid, the front door pops open. Mom’s

high heels click on the hardwood floors. My stomach tightens the closer she gets. When she reaches the kitchen, she freezes, her eyes widening as she takes me in. “Oh, I didn’t realize you’d be home.” Her lips purse as if she’s eaten something sour. She fingers the pearls around her neck, clinking the beads against her acrylic nails. Stepping

forward, her skirt swirls around her legs. But her hair doesn’t move. It stays sleek against her skin, not a hair out of place. Mom prides herself on appearing perfect, put together, like she has it all figured out. But she’s not fooling me. I know better. “School ended a half an hour ago,” I point out, screwing the cap back

on my water bottle. “Well, that doesn’t mean you have to be home.” She glides past, her floral perfume enveloping me. I scoot out of the way as she reaches for the fridge door. “Shouldn’t you be out with your friends like a normal teenager?” After snatching out a bottle of chilled wine she slams the fridge shut and turns to me. “Why aren’t you with that cute

boyfriend of yours?” Setting the wine bottle on the counter, she moves toward the cabinets. My stomach bottoms out. I bite my lip. “He’s not really my boyfriend anymore.” “Oh, Ashley, what did you do this time?” Telling her was a mistake. When will I learn to keep my mouth shut? “I

didn’t do anything, Mom. He messed up, not me.” After taking out a wine glass, she shrugs. “Guys mess up. It’s what they do. But that doesn’t mean you sit at home and pout.” Her gaze travels up and down my body. “What you need to do is go clean yourself up and go out. Get him back.” Rummaging through a nearby drawer, she fishes around for the wine

opener. “Or better yet, find someone hotter.” Inwardly, I groan. The last thing I want to do is go out. Not after the day I’ve had. “Actually, I think I’ll just go hang out in my room.” Lifting up the wine cork, she nods noncommittally. “That’s the spirit. Get some beauty rest and start fresh tomorrow.”

I wish I had a mom I could actually talk to about these kinds of things. A mom who would say helpful, nurturing things. “Yeah, okay,” I say quietly. “Oh, and just so you know, your dad will be gone all night. Work, you know?” She swats away the words like it’s no big deal, but I can tell it is. “And I’m on a diet again, so I’m sort of

skipping dinner tonight.” Great. It’s not like Mom cooks very often, but at least when she’s eating we get take out or something. Now I will have to fend for myself. It seems that nothing is going my way today. “And

actually,

you

could

probably stand to skip dinner too,” she adds. The words maim me like a punch to my gut.

I glance down at my body, wondering if she’s right. Is that why Josh hooked up with Talia? Because she’s thinner than I am? Talia is thin. Like rail thin. I’m not big, but definitely curvier. Reaching down, I pinch a fat roll near the top of my jeans. Ugh. No dinner tonight then. As I trudge back to my room, my stomach is already growling. But I’m determined to stay strong.

Mom’s right. It’s my senior year. I should be out with friends. I should have a hot boyfriend. It’s starting off rocky but I can get myself back on track. And I’m determined to do just that.

HAYES “Hey, Big Guy!” I cringe at Grandpa’s words. Normally it doesn’t bother me when he greets

me

this

way.

He’s

been

affectionately calling me “Big Guy” since I was a kid. He doesn’t mean it as a slam, but today it sort of feels like one. Still, I won’t take my frustrations

out on him. After closing the front door, I walk into the family room. My tennis shoes leave footprints in the newly vacuumed carpet. The room smells faintly of cough drops and coffee. “Hey, Gramps.” I clamp my hand down gently on his bony shoulder. “How was your day?” “Eh.” He shrugs from where he rocks in his recliner. His gaze travels to

the blaring television across from him. “Same old, same old. Watched a little TV, took a nap, ate some lunch. Nothin’ to write home about.” It’s always the same response. I chuckle. “C’mon, Gramps, be honest with me. I know you were out chasing the ladies around town.” With a slight smile, he shakes his head. “Oh, no. Not with these bad knees.

If I tried they’d be picking me up instead of the other way around.” “Sounds like a win to me,” I banter back. He waggles his finger. “Don’t go getting any ideas.” I laugh, but can’t help feeling a little sadness as my gaze lands on the walker near his chair. When I was younger I thought my grandpa was larger

than life. He’s actually the one who taught me how to swing a bat. Baseball had always been Grandpa’s favorite sport. He’d been playing since he was a kid, and he taught me and my brother how to play. For a few years he even played in a rec league, and our family used to attend many of his games. I’ll never forget the feeling of pride that welled up

in me as I watched him when he was up to bat. I’d liked baseball before that, but it was during those moments that my love for the game took root. It seems odd that the same man who stood at the plate and smashed the ball over the fence for a home run now has to use the aid of a walker to simply walk from his recliner to the restroom a few feet away. “Tell

me

about your

day,”

Grandpa says, interrupting my thoughts. I toss my backpack on the ground and sink down on the couch. For a moment I contemplate lying to him, but I know that’s not smart. He’ll see right through me. Besides, he knows what happened on Friday night. “It wasn’t the best,” I finally answer. Reaching forward, he turns the volume down on the TV, and I’m

grateful. Now I won’t have to yell over it. When Grandpa first moved in with us a couple of years ago, it took awhile to get used to how loud he had to have everything. His alarm, the television, the radio. My family has even gotten louder. We’ve all upped the volume on our speaking voices. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m not with my grandpa when I’m out in public because

I’ve grown accustomed to talking loudly at home. My older brother left for college several months after Grandpa moved in, but he said even in that short time he found himself doing the same thing. Of course that makes sense. Jameson and I are a lot alike. We both like to joke around, we both play baseball. However, I’m the only one who gets called “Big Guy.” But that’s

because Jameson is tall and lanky. He got Mom’s genes, while I favor Dad. Grandpa

leans

forward,

his

elbows on his knees. “Is Talia together with that other fella?” I love how Grandpa calls Josh the “other fella.” I’m actually tempted to use that now. Lord knows, I’ve called Josh a lot of names, but never that. “No, she’s not.”

“Well, that’s good, right?” “I don’t know.” Sighing, I scratch the back of my neck. “Honestly, I don’t care what she does now as long as she stays far away from me.” It’s crazy to feel this way when last week I couldn’t get enough of her. I can tell Grandpa’s thinking the same thing by the way he’s eyeing me. For months I’ve been parading around here like a lovesick

fool, talking about Talia nonstop, calling her, going out with her, having her over. Sitting up

straight,

Grandpa

shakes his head. “She seemed like such a sweet girl.” “Yeah,

she

did,”

I

agree.

Glancing at Grandpa, my stomach twists, and I regret ever inviting Talia over. She’d eaten dinner here, talked to my grandpa, and helped my mom with

dishes. Now her memory clings to my home, my place of solitude. It’s like I can’t get away from her, and it angers me further. The sound of the garage door opening catches my attention, and my head snaps up. A minute later, Mom steps into the house. She drops her purse and keys on the ground and exhales, dropping into a nearby chair. Her hair is

disheveled,

her

nurse’s

uniform

wrinkled. Even though she appears exhausted, she manages a broad smile. “How was your first day back, Hayes?” I throw Grandpa a quick warning look, and his subtle nod tells me he’ll cover for me. “It was great.” Mom doesn’t know that Talia and I broke up. She was working all through the weekend, and I didn’t want to burden her

with it. “Good.” Her head rolls to the side. “What about your day?” “Fine.” Grandpa shrugs. Mom sighs. “Well, I’m going to go take a shower and change. Think of what you want for dinner. I’m ordering take out.” I nod, as she hoists herself out of her chair. She ambles over to me slowly,

leans down and gently presses her lips to my forehead. Then she shuffles out of the room. After she’s gone, Grandpa turns to me, his eyes crinkled in concern. “I’m sorry Talia hurt you, Big Guy,” he says, as if there never was a break in our earlier conversation. “She didn’t hurt me,” I snap defensively. Grandpa gives me a pointed

look, and I blow out a breath. “Sorry.” My gaze drops to my hands. “I just don’t wanna talk about her anymore.” Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever. Honestly, it’s a good thing she’s not dating Josh. At least now I don’t have to worry about running into her at my baseball games or practices. I’m not sure I can stomach watching them make

out right in front of me again. I remember how angry Christian used to get when Emmy and Josh used to go at it after practice or before a game. It was different, because Emmy wasn’t his ex. She hadn’t cheated on him with Josh. It was sort of the opposite with them – Emmy cheated on Josh with Chris. But I get it. They had something real. They were in love. In fact, they still are. I’m

not saying that cheating is ever right, but in their instance it’s forgivable. What Talia did to me isn’t. She betrayed me for no reason, and with a guy who’s an ass after I’d treated her so well. It doesn’t make any sense. I’m upset with Josh, but not like I am with Talia. This is what the guy does. I expect this from him. Besides, he was with Ashley, and their relationship was a

joke. I pause, recalling the sad look on Ashley’s face this morning when I found her sitting in her car, appearing lost and vulnerable. My stomach knots, and I wonder once again if I’ve misjudged her. Then the memory of the words she said about me to Talia come flooding back, and I realize that she’s exactly who I think she is. I may have wanted to

believe the best about her. I may have felt a moment of compassion towards her. We may have even had a second where we connected, or at the very least we got along. But it doesn’t mean anything. She’s precisely who she’s always been. And I’m better off without her.

ASHLEY “Heather!” I call as I round the corner heading toward the cafeteria. Students whizz past me, smelling of deodorant and BO. A few feet in front of me Heather stops, pivoting. I skid to halt and smile. “Hey.” But she doesn’t return my smile.

Her lips remain in a hard line, her eyes narrowing. She crosses her arms over her chest, and my insides coil. Heather and I have been friends for years. I mean, not like besties or anything, but she’s always been in my circle. “What do you want, Ashley?” I cock my head to the side. “Why are you giving me attitude?” She rolls her eyes. “I don’t have

time for this conversation. Talia’s waiting for me inside.” A shoulder bumps mine, and I swiftly turn to glare. A couple of boys holding instruments hurry past. When I swing back to face Heather, she’s moving away from me. “Heather!” I snap angrily. Since when does she ignore me? There was a time she practically worshipped the

ground I walked on. None of this makes any sense. Ever since Talia and Josh made out at the party on Friday, everyone has been giving me the cold shoulder. I don’t get it. “What the hell is going on? Talia hooks up with my boyfriend, and somehow I’ve become the bad person here?” Heather smirks. “No, Ashley, you haven’t just become the bad person.

You’ve always been the bad person.” “What?” I recoil from her words. “Oh

c’mon.

Don’t

act

so

surprised.” Heather flips a strand of hair over her shoulder. “You know you’re mean to everyone.” She pauses, her expression pensive. “Or maybe you don’t. But you are. And we’re all kinda tired of it.” “Did Talia put you up to this?” I

place a hand on my waist. “You know she’s always wanted to be me. That’s what this is really about.” Heather

snorts.

“Listen

to

yourself. You don’t get it.” “No, you don’t get it.” Anger flaring, I step closer to her. “Talia’s using you. She’s using all of us to climb up the social ladder.” “No, Ashley, that sounds like

you.” Heather shakes her head. “I’m so done with this conversation.” “You’re done when I say you’re done,” I instruct her. “I’m sorry, Ashley, but the days of me letting you tell me what to do are over.” She spins on her heels. “I’m outta here.” “You’re gonna regret this!” I holler after her, but she doesn’t respond.

Doesn’t even flinch. It’s as if I haven’t spoken. Like I’m invisible. I glance around the hallway that is almost cleared out. The few stragglers left openly gawk at me. “What are you looking at?” At my outburst, they scurry off. It gives me a slight sense of satisfaction. But that quickly dwindles when I glance out at the quad and spot Emmy and Taylor sitting on a bench laughing and

talking. Not that I want to be sitting with them. Not in the quad. Eww. It’s baffling, though. Emmy was a booknerd when we started hanging out. No one gave her the time of day. And when Taylor showed up at the school everyone thought she was a freak. But somehow they both managed to snag the two hottest guys at the school. And not only snag them, but keep them.

I mean, I’d had my fifteen minutes with Cal like so many other girls here. But then he tossed me aside like I meant nothing. He committed to Taylor, overlooking the fact that she was pregnant with another man’s baby. A baby she’s giving up for adoption, but still. After all the times he’s accused me of being a slut, it seems odd to me that Taylor’s pregnancy didn’t scare him off.

I mean, I may have been with a lot of guys, but I was never stupid enough to get knocked up. As I watch Emmy and Taylor interact, my stomach twists. They both appear content, comfortable, and I wonder if I’ve ever been like that. Emmy’s hair is pulled back in a messy bun as if she hadn’t a care in the world. And Taylor is showing off her prego

belly like she isn’t embarrassed about it at all. Their easy conversation and quick laughs reveal that they’re not trying to impress each other. They’re simply being together. Sadness blankets me, and I quickly turn around. It doesn’t matter how appealing that looks. It can never be my life. I wouldn’t even know how to do that. I’ve

been pretending so long, I’m not even sure I know the real Ashley. And the small part of her I do know makes me certain that no one else would be interested in her. Glancing around, I have no idea where to go. After my encounter with Heather, I’m certain I don’t want to face everyone in the cafeteria. If I get snubbed in front of the entire school, I’ll

never recover from that. But it’s not like I can sit in the quad by myself, because then everyone will think I’m a total loser. My chest tightens, and I struggle to breathe evenly. How can this be happening? I’ve worked so hard to get where I am, and now it’s all crashing down around me. Emotion rises inside of me, moisture pricking my eyes.

Blinking, I refuse to give in to them. I swallow hard against the lump in my throat. Exhaling, I lift my head and step forward. The doors at the end of the hall beckon me. I know my car is just beyond them, sitting quietly in the parking lot. At the mere thought, my chest expands. Perhaps I can hide out in there the rest of lunch. As I walk forward, I’m struck

with a memory from fourth grade. I had forgotten my lunch at home and when the bell rang, I could picture it sitting on the counter. Even though I was only a child, I knew exactly what was in my lunch, because I had made it myself. In fact, I can’t remember when I first started making my lunches, but it was probably a year or two before. It was when Dad started working late nights and Mom

spent her evenings sucking down wine. Many nights I fended for myself for dinner as well. Mom had given up on being a wife or mother long ago. But on this fateful day she must have felt like being a mom, because she showed up during lunch clutching the brown paper bag I’d prepared that morning. When she came staggering to me, smiling widely, it was clear that

she’d hit the bottle early that morning. I was mortified. Mom would’ve been too if she would’ve realized how she was behaving. No one but me had ever seen her like this. Appearances meant too much to her. However, I knew that she and Dad had been fighting early that morning. I’d woken up to yelling and screaming, doors slamming. So maybe

that was why she’d fallen apart that day. Everyone’s eyes were on me, whispers traveling around the cafeteria. Face flaming, I’d rushed to Mom and snatched the bag out of her hand. I’d grabbed it so hard that it ripped, the food spilling out all over the floor. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry,” Mom slurred, dropping to her knees and reaching out to gather the food in her

arms. “Mom,” I hissed, grabbing her by the arm. “Get up.” “I was just trying to--” Her eyes lifted to mine, and shame washed over her face as if the reality of the situation had finally dawned on her. She looked around the room, pink rising on her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. It was the softest, most vulnerable thing my

mom had ever said to me. But at that moment I didn’t care. I wanted her gone. Out of here. She was embarrassing me. So I shook my head, glaring down at her. Scrambling to her feet, she pressed her lips together, smoothed back her hair. Then she whirled around and hurried out of the cafeteria. When I heard snickering behind me, I spun

around, eyeing the offenders. When I found them, I narrowed my eyes, taking note of who they were. And I vowed never to be laughed at again. Eventually I made them all pay. And I’d never been made a fool of again. Well, until now. Sweet relief fills me when I reach the door at the end of the hallway.

I open it and step outside. The minute the door slams behind me, the relief I’d felt seconds earlier dissipates. Josh walks in my direction, Chase by his side. “Hey, Ash.” He smiles as if we’re the best of friends. Glaring, I keep my mouth shut. “Want to join us for burgers.” He holds up a brown paper bag, grease soaking the bottom.

My stomach sours. It’s not an open campus. We aren’t supposed to leave during lunch. But I’m surprised that Josh left. He gets away with everything. “Oh, that’s right.” He smirks. “You don’t like hamburgers.” Winking at Chase, he adds, “She’s too good for our food.” Chase guffaws, nudging Josh in

the side. Shaking my head, I shove past them, regretting ever dating Josh. I should’ve known better. “Cafeteria’s that way, Ash,” he says. I spin around, my gaze meeting his. Understanding washes over him, and for one second I think I see pity in his eyes. But then the smug look returns. “But that’s not where you’re going, is it?”

This whole thing is a joke to him. He ruined my life, and he thinks it’s funny. Figures. Anger fills me to the point that my whole body shakes. But I don’t say a word. I know it won’t do any good. He’s already won, and anything I say at this point will make me look even worse. So instead, I keep my head held high as if I couldn’t care less about him. Or about any of them. And I hurry

toward my car. Once inside, I rest my head against the seat and breathe out. My mom and I never spoke of what happened at my school that day in fourth grade. But when I got home that afternoon, I could see in her eyes that she knew I was ashamed of her. And I wanted to feel bad, but I didn’t. In fact, I was sort of glad that she knew what it

felt like. It was the same way she’d made me feel when I brought home a picture I’d drawn in first grade and she told me it looked like something a two year old would draw, and then she tossed it in the trash. And it was how I felt when I had the solo in my third grade choir and she told me it was okay if I couldn’t sing, that we had plenty of time to figure out

what I was good at. I knew how much it sucked thinking someone was ashamed of you because my mom had made me feel like that my entire life.

HAYES Ashley’s not sitting at our table. In fact, I don’t see her in the cafeteria at all. Talia and her friends sit at the end of the bench I’m on, giggling and talking a mile a minute. It turns my stomach. Usually Ashley’s the ringleader, talking louder than the rest of them. I tell myself it’s the only reason I notice her absence.

But I know that’s not true. “Wanna go hit some balls this afternoon?” Brady slaps me on the back. I set down the sandwich I’d been holding. At this point it had become more of a prop than anything. Once Talia sat down, I lost my appetite. I hate that she has so much power over me. Normally nothing could keep me from eating.

“Um…yeah. Why not?” I say. He frowns. “I hardly recognize you, man.” “What do you mean?” I knit my eyebrows together. “Um…yeah.

Why

not?”

He

mimics me, but he makes his voice sound all whiny and high-pitched. “The Hayes I know would’ve made some joke about hittin’ me in the balls.”

I chuckle. “The only reason I didn’t is because yours are probably too small to find. My aim hasn’t been that great lately.” “Aaand,

he’s

back!”

Brady

clamps a hand down on my shoulder. “Who’s back?” Josh and Chase slide onto the bench across from us. My stomach tanks. So much for my mood lifting. Brady shifts his

position on the bench, and it creaks beneath him. “No one,” he says, his voice taking on a hard edge. Josh dips his hand into a brown paper bag, and he pulls out a greasy hamburger. I’m usually a fan of greasy fast food, but today it sickens me. Maybe because it’s in Josh’s grabby hands. “It’s a nice day.” Brady jabs me

in the side. “Wanna go out to the quad?” I raise a brow, considering his words. I’ve sat at this same table every day since freshman year. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever gone out to the quad. My gaze scans the table. Things have changed. With Cal and Chris gone, Talia at one end of the table and Josh at the other, it’s not the same place it used to be.

“Sure.” I gather up my stuff and stand. “Where are you guys going?” Josh asks. “We’re gonna go hang with the cool kids,” I joke. Josh’s lips curl downward. Not letting him respond, I push away from the table. Brady and I weave our way through the room until we reach the

doors. Placing my palm on the glass, I press it open and step outside. Brady’s right. It is a nice day. Warm. Springlike, even though it’s fall. The scent of grass and clean air fills my senses. To my right, I spot Emmy and Taylor. “Man, she looks ready to pop,” Brady comments. I nod. “Seriously.” She appears miserable, all bloated and round. When

Cal first started dating Taylor, I didn’t get it. It’s not that she wasn’t attractive, but she didn’t fit his normal type. She was edgy and dark looking, and had a major chip on her shoulder. But she began to soften the more time she spent with him. And soon I saw her the way he must have. I noticed how pretty she was. But right now her face and body were all puffy, and I wondered what Cal would

think if he was here. What is wrong with me? I sound like Ashley. Of course Cal would still find Taylor attractive. He loves her. That doesn’t change simply because she’s ballooned out. Besides, it’s not like she can help it. “Hey, guys.” Emmy waved us over. “What are you doing out here?” “We’re not vampires,” I quip. “That’s

too

bad.

It

would

definitely liven things up if you were.” Peering up at us, Taylor shields the sun with her hand. Brady laughs. “I can bite your neck if that helps.” “Dude.” My head snaps up in his direction. Even Taylor’s eyes widen. Emmy stretches her mouth out in a “yikes” expression. “Ah, shit.” Brady scratched the

back of his neck nervously. “I forgot you were Cal’s girl for a minute.” He shakes his head. “It was just a joke. I wasn’t really gonna bite your neck.” Taylor waves away his words. “Don’t worry. I didn’t think you were hitting on me.” She glances down at her ever expanding body as if that’s all the explanation we need. “Of course I’m not sure that Cal will agree when I tell him

what you said.” Brady’s face pales. “Kidding.” She giggles. “You guys are too easy.” I’m about to spout off some joke like, ‘if I’m too easy, why are you the one pregnant,’ but think better of it. We all know Taylor’s situation, and it’s not a joking matter. I’ve been known to take my jokes too far, and I’ve been trying to

work on that. “How are Cal and Chris doing?” Brady asks. I’m sure he’s genuinely curious, but a part of me wonders if he only asks as a way of changing the subject. “Good,”

Emmy

answers.

“They’re adjusting to college life.” Taylor snorts. “Oh, come on, Chris texts you like every two seconds.

He’s not adjusting to being away from you at all.” Emmy smiles, her face coloring. Then she whacks Taylor in the leg goodnaturedly. “You’re one to talk. Cal texts you just as much.” “That’s just because he worries about me. He’s worried I’ll sit down and never be able to stand back up.” She laughs, and Emmy joins in.

It’s the longest conversation I’ve ever had with Taylor. Last year she was always with Cal, and no one else could get close to her. But what I did see of her, I assumed she was sullen and boring. Turns out, she’s not that different from me. It becomes even more apparent to me why Cal fell for her. I know exactly why Chris fell for Emmy. She’s pretty, smart and sweet. It’s

the same reason I used to have a crush on her. I would have gone after her, too, if I wasn’t so scared of Cal. He’d made it pretty clear to all of us that his sister was off limits. Of course, I guess that wasn’t exactly true, since he allowed his best friend to date her. Then again, I don’t think he exactly allowed it. In fact, I distinctly remember the fight they got into when he

found out. But eventually he came around. And I guess it’s for the best that I never dated her. It’s obvious that she and Chris are meant for each other. “All right. Help me up.” Taylor grimaces, placing a hand on her large belly. “I gotta pee.” Emmy chuckles while reaching out to push Taylor up off the bench. Brady raises his arm and latches onto

her hand, guiding her to a standing position. She throws him a smile of gratitude, but I give him a stern look. He swallows hard, his face sobering. Taylor sighs. “If I’m not back in five, come look for me, Em. Make sure I didn’t fall in.” “There’s no way you could fall in,” Emmy points out. “You couldn’t fit.” “Shut up.” Taylor sticks out her

tongue before slowly turning around and waddling off. “She must be due any minute,” I muse aloud. “Nope. Not for another two months,” Emmy says. “Yikes,” Brady says. I nod. Emmy giggles. “I know, right? I think she’s ready now.”

“I bet.” The minute the words leave my mouth the bell peals. Emmy leaps up. “Oh. I better bring Taylor her stuff. She’ll never make it back here in time.” “Need help?” I offer. “No, I got it,” she responds. Then she gathers up both of their backpacks and scurries off, one on each shoulder.

When she’s out of earshot, I smack Brady in the arm. “Dude, you need to lay off of Cal’s girl.” “We told Cal and Chris we’d watch out for them.” “Yeah. Watch out for them, not flirt with them.” He shakes his head, but a small smile plays on his lips. “I can’t help it if she’s drawn to my charm.”

“You know Cal will be back for holidays, right?” His face grows serious. “Fine. I’ll try to dial back my natural charisma around her.” I snort. “Oh, okay.” I’m about to toss out another joke when I spot Ashley sauntering up from the parking lot. Did she leave? I think of Josh and his fast food burger, but I know she wasn’t with

him. Not that I’d put it past her but if they were hooking up again, she would’ve been hanging on his arm making sure Talia knew all about it. Besides, the look on her face tells me she’s been alone. It’s not the usual “Ashley” look. Normally she’s smug and arrogant. Right now she appears unsure, timid, and insecure. When she steps into the hall, her gaze darts around as if she

hopes no one notices her. The Ashley I know welcomes attention. She doesn’t hide from it. But this isn’t the Ashley I know, and my heart pinches. I don’t know why I care, but for some reason I do. Seeing her like this does something inside of me. Something that makes me uncomfortable. I think about Talia sitting at the end of the table chatting with all of her friends, girls that used to follow

Ashley around like her shadow. But Ashley wasn’t with them. She was apparently hiding in the parking lot. Talia

has

become

the

new

Ashley. Maybe that was what the kiss with Josh was about. It was a way for Talia to become queen bee. It angers me further. “Don’t do it, man,” Brady cuts

into my thoughts. My

head

swivels

in

his

direction. “Do what?” He nods toward Ashley. “Get involved with Ashley.” “I’m not,” I insist. “I don’t even like her.” “Well, you might want to inform your face.” Averting my gaze, I smooth out

my features, embarrassed by his words. It’s not true anyway. I’m not interested in Ashley. Sure, I may have been at one point, but I know better now.

ASHLEY I hate being alone. There’s nothing worse than quiet. When I was a little girl, I had three imaginary friends who kept me company. I truly believed they were real, and I talked to them all of the time. It freaked my mom out, and she made me stop. Still, I spoke to them

when no one was around. It wasn’t until I started having real friends that I realized how silly I was being. Or maybe it was that I didn’t need them anymore. Either way, eventually I stopped talking to them. Stopped believing in them. But now I kind of wish I had them back. As I sit in my bedroom

listening to the whir of my ceiling fan, I fight the urge to cry. It’s not like it will do any good anyway. Crying has never made me feel better. If anything, it makes me feel worse. Then my makeup is smeared, my eyes puffy and red. Besides, if mom comes home and finds me all wet and weepy she’ll reprimand me. And I’m not in the mood for that. If only I had a hobby. I think

about all the time Emmy spent alone. She used to sit in her room doing homework, studying, or reading. She didn’t mind it. Then again, Emmy has a completely different life than me. She has a loving family, a brother who adores her. Frankly, it makes me sick. They’re so sweet they make my belly ache. I actually liked Emmy. Sure I became friends with her as a way to get

close to Cal, but she grew on me. She was genuine in a way that none of my other friends were. And she was silly, and vulnerable. I wished I could be more like her. Every once in awhile, I let my guard down around her. I allowed myself to be open, to be myself. With other friends that was never possible, but with Emmy it felt okay. And it was. She didn’t judge me. There were even

moments when I thought our friendship could last. That perhaps I could drop the ruse. But the longer we hung out, the more jealous I became of her life. Of her family. Of her friends. Of her budding romance with Chris. She thought she was keeping it secret, but I always knew there was something between them. There was no hiding the way he looked

at her. Or the way she looked at him. It was only a matter of time. And I started to hate her for it. Everyone thinks I betrayed her out of spite. Or because I could. Or worse yet, that I’m cold hearted and have no feelings. But in the end it was because I coveted her life. It hurt to watch her get everything I wanted. It was jealousy plain and simple. Not that it

makes it any better. What I did sucked. I get that. I wish I could take it back. When I stopped hanging out with Emmy, it became crystal clear that she had been my only real friend. The only friend who truly cared about me. Talia and Heather and the rest of them were out for one thing – popularity. I saw that long before last Friday night.

Emmy wasn’t like that. She never cared about popularity. Probably deep down she did, but it wasn’t the most important thing to her. She wouldn’t have betrayed for it. Sighing, I pick at the thread on my bedspread. Oh, well. It’s too late to change what I’ve done. It’s not like Emmy will ever forgive me. And I know Cal sure as hell won’t. He’s made that

very obvious. This is why I hate silence. It forces me to think. To face who I am and what I’ve done. When it becomes too much, I slide off my bed and head to my computer. Plopping down on the office chair, it swivels until I face the wrong direction. I drop my bare foot to the floor and turn my body until I’m facing

the computer. After turning on the monitor, I click around on the web until I pull up my favorite online channel. There are a few new makeup tutorials from my favorite online personalities, so I click on one. When the video starts, I settle back in my chair, taking note of the colors and techniques that are used. Makeup and fashion are my thing. I’ve never been good at sports,

and I don’t get the best grades. But if you need your hair or makeup done, I’m your girl. Emmy used to encourage me to start my own makeup channel. A place where I could upload video tutorials about hair or makeup, or even fashion. I love the idea. I’d be good at it. I used to do Emmy’s makeup and hair all the time, and I made her look like a totally different person. But I’d never be brave

enough to put myself out there like that. The reason people think I’m so confident and brave at school is because everyone is too afraid to speak out against me. My popularity shields me from criticism or ridicule. And anytime someone has tried to go against me, I make their life so miserable they regret it. And then they retreat. Until now, that is.

The tide has shifted. Everything’s changed. And it’s only confirmed what I already knew – I don’t have thick skin. I don’t cope well with rejection. Therefore, I can’t upload videos online. In cyberspace anyone can view what I put out there, and they can remain anonymous.

They’re

free

to

say

whatever they want. And that thought

scares the crap out me. Scrolling down to the comments under this video, I read several nice ones. People who tell the girl they love her makeup or that she’s stunning, or that she’s helped them so much. But below them are mean ones, where people comment that she’s ugly, that her voice is whiny, or that her makeup makes her look like a clown. It turns my stomach,

and I shove away from the computer. No way am I subjecting myself to that. Big fat tub a’ goo. The words fly through my mind, stopping me cold. I picture the look on Hayes’ face when Talia told him what I’d said. I’ve never cared if I hurt someone’s feelings, but for some reason I hate that I made Hayes look that way. I

hate that I hurt him. Perhaps it’s because he’s been so nice to me. Or because I know what it feels like. Whatever the reason, it unnerves me. I want to go back to how I was. Heartless. Cold. Unfeeling. It was easier then. But I fear that I can’t go back,

that I’m changing and there’s no way to stop it. I feel out of control, like I don’t even know myself anymore. And that worries me.

HAYES Brady is already at the batting cages when I arrive. By the sweat gathering on his forehead and under his armpits, it appears that he’s already been hitting. He’s wearing a cocky grin when he swaggers in my direction. I shake my head gearing up for the trash talk that I

know is coming. When I first met Brady, I didn’t like him that much. He was too cocky. Thought he was better than everyone else. But trust me, he’s not. Everyone but him knows it. He was pissed when Coach put him in left field rather than center, but the rest of us saw it coming. It’s where he belongs, even if he thinks otherwise.

His arrogance never changed, but somehow he eventually grew on me. Looking back, I can’t pinpoint the exact moment we became friends. More like it happened slowly over time. And he’s a good guy. Loyal. Fun to be around. His good qualities outweigh the bad, in my opinion. Besides, when he starts getting full of himself, I knock him down a few notches.

“You’ve already been hitting?” I asked. “Yep.” He smiled. “Man, you shoulda seen me.” “I’ve seen you hit before, so I doubt I missed anything special,” I banter back. He

shakes

his

head.

“I’m

warning you that you’re not going to be the only one hitting bombs this year.”

“Yeah. I know. I heard Nolan’s hitting pretty well lately.” Brady’s smile drops. “I can hit better than Nolan any day, and you know it.” It’s not true, but I shrug. “You can run faster than him, that’s for sure.” He

chuckles.

Nolan is

the

slowest runner on our team, but he’s a good third baseman, so I cut him some

slack. After a few more minutes of innocent banter, we head over and pay for a round. “Are you going to the party this Friday night?” Brady asks as I put on my helmet and gloves. Glancing up, I try to gauge whether or not he’s joking. In the background I hear the whizzing of balls, the crack of the bat. I long to be out there

hitting, not standing here talking about parties. But his face is serious, not a trace of teasing. Does he not remember what happened at the last party? “I think I’ll pass.” Reaching down, I pick up my bat. Rolling the wood between my fingers, I savor the way it feels - familiar, like home. “Oh c’mon, man. I know Talia hurt you, but you’ve gotta get back out

there.” “It’s been a week.” Brady

shrugs

as

if

not

understanding my statement. “Besides, everyone knows what happened, and so it’s--” “Perfect,” Brady finishes with a word that is far from the word I was going to use. “How

is

it

perfect?”

I’m

dumbfounded. Bringing the bat up, I rest it against my shoulder so it’s pointing up toward the ceiling. I could put it down since it’s clear Brady is more interested in chatting than hitting, but holding it gives me a strange sense of comfort. “Everyone

knows

what

happened, so it’ll be easy to find some sweet girls who will offer you a kind shoulder,” he drawls as if he’s become

some sensitive country boy. His eyes sparkle with manipulation. Despite myself, I chuckle. Then I shove him out of the way. “All right. I’ve heard enough.” “It’s

not like

you’re

doing

anything wrong. You’re just taking advantage of the situation. Nothin’ wrong with that.” I shake my head, entering the

cage. The door rattles behind me as it closes. I tug down on the edge of my helmet. “So what do ya say? Are you coming?” Man, he won’t let up. “No.” I shake my head. “But everyone’s going,” Brady presses. Not everyone. I’m certain Ashley

won’t be there. As I get in my batter’s stance, my mind drifts to Ashley’s sad eyes when I saw her in the hallway earlier. Shaking away the thoughts, I focus on the ball coming right at me.

ASHLEY When I wake up on Saturday morning, the house is deadly quiet. I pad down the hallway and peek into the garage. I’m not surprised to see that Dad’s car is gone. Most likely he’s golfing with his buddies. I’ve barely seen Dad in weeks, but that isn’t uncommon. He spends as little time here as possible. When I make

my way back down the hallway, Mom’s snores travel from under her doorway. Clearly, she’s sleeping off a hangover. Usually on a Saturday morning I would be doing the same thing. I know there was a party last night. People were talking about it all week. I wasn’t invited, but that’s okay. It’s not like I would’ve gone. Not after what happened at the last party. I wonder if Hayes went.

Ugh. Why do I keep thinking about Hayes? Besides, I’m sure he didn’t go. He’s probably still sitting at home pining away over sweet, perfect Talia. I can still picture the lovesick expression on his face every time he looked at her. It was pathetic. No guy had ever looked at me like that. Not that I want them to. Eww. Still, I suppose it wouldn’t be the

worst thing ever. Man, I need to get out. All this sitting at home is turning me into a sap. Two weeks ago I never would’ve believed that I’d be sitting at home on a Friday night. Yet, that’s exactly what I was doing last night. Sitting in my room watching online videos. And even more embarrassing, I was in bed by ten o’clock.

Enough was enough. Talia may have gotten all of our friends to side with her. She may have driven me from the cafeteria during lunch. But she didn’t have the power to keep me in my house all weekend like some kind of prisoner. Mom was never up before noon on a Saturday, and even when she did get up she didn’t make breakfast like some

other moms did on the weekends. That’s why I always go out for coffee and pastries on Saturday mornings. Normally I go with friends, but I can go alone. Slipping into the bathroom, I catch my reflection in the mirror. Recoiling, I realize that some major TLC is in order. My hair is drab and lifeless, my skin is pale, and my eyes are ringed in black circles, despite how much sleep

I got last night. The next hour is spent in a whirlwind of showering, blow drying, and beautifying. When I’m finished, I step back and assess the results. No longer lifeless, my hair cascades down my shoulders in large, tousled curls. My face is no longer pale, now that I’ve contoured it with my highlighter and bronzer,

and

my

concealer

has

brightened up my under eye circles. I’m wearing my floral romper and silver sandals. Before heading out the door, I reach for a few of my bracelets and slide them on. They tinkle as I hurry down the hallway. After flinging my purse over my shoulder, I step outside. The air is warm against my back, and the scent of roses fills my senses. When I was little my mom used

to sit outside gardening on days like this. I enjoyed those days. Mom seemed happy, humming while she clipped roses or planted flowers. I’d run around the yard or ride my bike down the sidewalk. Then Mom would make us iced tea and sandwiches, and we’d sit under the tree and have lunch. Those days were fleeting and didn’t happen often, but I cherished them. It’s been years since

Mom touched her plants. Now she stays inside nursing a headache while a gardener comes over and tends to her flowers. Ignoring the familiar sour feeling in my stomach, I hop in my car. Shaking away the memories, I toss my hair back and turn on the engine. Pop music pours from my speakers as I pull away from the curb and drive down the street. As I

turn, rounding the corner, I glance down the street to my right knowing that if I go down it I’ll reach Emmy’s house. If it was last year, I would be heading there now to pick up Emmy and together we’d go grab coffee. But it’s not last year, and we’re not friends anymore. I ruined that, the same way I’ve ruined everything else. Returning my attention out my

front window, I focus on the road ahead. It isn’t long before I’m pulling up in front of my favorite coffee shop. Actually, it’s everyone’s favorite coffee shop. Prairie City is a small town, and everybody congregates in the same places. As I search for a parking space my stomach tightens, and I contemplate heading back home. Or I could drive further into town and hit up a different

coffee shop. One that will be less crowded. But I know I can’t do that. I can’t let Talia and my former friends keep me from my favorite places. I’m Ashley McIntosh. I’ve never been one to cower. I fight back. I hold my head high whether I feel like it or not. I’ve been faking it for years, and I can keep doing it. There’s no way I’ll let

them win. Circling back around, I drive until I find a place to park. It’s a couple of blocks down, but I don’t mind walking. Before getting out of the car, I check my face in the rearview mirror, and am pleased to see that my makeup is still on point. Not like I’m surprised. I used a face and eyeshadow primer, and my

favorite

liquid

matte

lipstick.

Everything should stay in place the entire day, regardless of what I do. Snatching my purse off the passenger seat, I step out of the car. Then I hurry up to the sidewalk and make my way toward the coffee shop. As I near it, the scent of coffee beans stretches out to meet me. I blow out a breath, calming my nerves. Cars line the street and cram the parking lot behind the shop. Chatter

spills out every time someone opens the door. There’s no doubt in my mind that the place is packed, and most likely half of my school is in there. Every time I come here I run into someone I know. Usually that’s a welcomed event. Today I don’t think it will be. When I get to the door I take a deep breath, lift my chin, and step inside. I’m not sure what I’m expecting.

To have all eyes on me. To have insults hurled in my direction. But none of that happens. In fact, it’s pretty anticlimactic. No one notices me at all as the door closes behind me and I settle into the back of the line. Everyone is deep in conversation or lost in their own world as they type on their phones or listen to music through their earbuds. I want to feel relief, but for some reason I don’t.

Being noticed is sort of my thing. Man, I’m all over the place. I’m not even sure I know what I want anymore. Bored, I pull out my phone and scroll through my social media sites. I think about taking a selfie, captioning it with something clever about having my Saturday morning coffee. But as I peruse my feed, I decide against it. All of my former friends are posting pictures with

friends. Cute photos of themselves in designer pajamas and perfect messy buns, their faces pressed together. A selfie seems pretty lame at this point. I’m sure they all assume I’m alone. No need to confirm it. Turning off my phone, I toss it inside my purse. Commotion to my left catches my attention. An older gentlemen attempts to stand from a circular table, but his

walker clatters to the ground and he teeters for a second as he tries to reach for it. His face is one of determination, but I can see something else in his eyes. Embarrassment,

maybe.

Shame,

possibly. And it cuts to my heart. I know that feeling. Plus, he reminds me of my grandpa, and that causes a hollow feeling in my chest. They say that the pain of losing someone diminishes over

time, but I’ve never found that to be true. Without thinking, I leap out of line

and

lunge

toward

the

older

gentleman. Reaching out my arm, I steady him. Once he’s upright, I bend over and pluck up his walker. “Here you go.” Smiling, I push it in his direction. “Thank you, my dear.” When he grins, wrinkles gather around his blue

eyes. My grandpa’s eyes were blue too. The exact same color as mine. Tears prick at my eyes. I blink profusely, panicked at my public display of emotion. My entire body goes hot. “You okay?” The old man asks. “Uh…” I breathe deeply. “Yeah. Fine.” Sniffing, I stand up straight. Pushing down the emotions, I do what

I’m good at. Deflect. Pretend. Mask. But I can tell this man doesn’t buy it. He’s savvier than the kids at my school. His eyes tell the story of a man who’s lived through a lot. Who’s endured a lot. And who knows when someone is full of BS. My grandpa was the same way. It’s one of the things I loved about him so much. He was one of the few people I could be myself around. I didn’t have a choice,

really. He could see right through me. “You just remind me of someone. That’s all.” He cocks his head to the side, studying me. “And that someone isn’t around anymore?” Swallowing hard, I shake my head. “Have a seat,” the old man motions to an empty chair at his table.

Then he painfully lowers himself into his own chair. “Oh, no. I couldn’t.” I shake my head. “I insist.” He winks. “Humor an old man.” A light laugh escapes from my lips. “All right. Just for a minute.” I slide onto the wooden seat. It moans beneath me.

The old man reaches out a shaky hand. “I’m Henry.” I take his hand in mine. “Ashley.” “Pretty name for a pretty girl.” My smile deepens. “My grandpa used to say things like that too.” “Is that the ‘someone’ I reminded you of?” I nod. “He passed away.” “Well, I’m sure he’s looking

down on you right now with pride.” My chest tightens, and I squirm in my seat. Grandpa would be mortified if he knew the kind of person I’ve become. The way I’ve treated people. The way I’ve behaved. “Um…I doubt that, actually.” “I don’t.” Henry offered the sincerest of smiles, and I almost believed him. “This place is crawling

with people, but you’re the only one who helped me. The only one who cared.” “I actually don’t usually do this kind of thing.” “But you did today.” I shrug. “Here you are,” a woman’s voice rings out over my shoulder, startling me. Henry looks up and smiles. I crane my neck. When my gaze

takes in who stands behind me extending a coffee cup toward Henry, my face flames. “Oh, ummm….” I scramble out of my chair. “Hi, Mrs. Parker.” I’d know her anywhere. She rarely misses one of Hayes’ games. And then I know why Henry seemed familiar. It isn’t only because he reminds me of my grandpa. I’ve seen him before too, sitting beside Mrs. Parker on the bleachers.

“Hi,

Ashley,”

she

speaks

cautiously, throwing Henry a confused look. It makes my stomach churn. “You two know each other?” Henry asks. Hayes’ mom nods. “Oh, you must be a friend of Hayes then,” Henry concludes. But he’s wrong. I’m not friends with Hayes. In fact, I’m sure when he

tells Hayes he ran into me, he’ll get an earful about what an awful person I am. How mean I’ve been to him. Henry was kinder to me than anyone’s been in a long time, and our one conversation had given me hope that things were looking up. I guess they’re not. “Um…well, we go to school together,” I respond. “But, um…I better get going. It was nice to meet you,

Henry.” Glancing over at Mrs. Parker, I nod my head. “And it was nice to see you again.” “You too, Ashley,” her tone is sincere, but her eyes hold a quizzical expression. Have I been rude to her before or something? Probably she’s heard all about me from Hayes. That’s got to be it. Spinning around, I hurry to the

back of the line. It’s grown since I was last in it, and a part of me wishes I’d never left. Especially now that I know who I was talking to. But deep down I’m glad I talked to Henry. Even if he hates me after finding out what kind of person I am, it was still nice to have a few minutes with someone who didn’t know my reputation. Someone who believed the best about me.

After ordering my coffee, I lean against the far wall and scour the small shop. It’s still crammed with people, but Henry and Mrs. Parker are gone. Sitting at their table is a young mom wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt, her hair pulled up in a high ponytail. She’s speaking lyrically to a child in a stroller who kicks his chubby legs and giggles. “Ashley,” my name is called out.

After walking to the counter, I pick up my coffee. The paper cup is warm against my palm as I head toward the glass doors. I’m about to pat myself on the back for making it through this morning when Talia and Heather burst through the front door, all giggles and large smiles. The air leaves me. I clutch the cup tighter. So tightly I fear I’ll break it

and

coffee

will

go

spilling

everywhere. It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to lower my gaze. I steel myself for unkind words, maybe a slam or two. But what they do is worse. They look right through me as if I’m invisible. Blowing out a breath, I maneuver around them and step outside. Warm air and sunshine greet me. Normally this would make me happy. Fall and spring

are my favorite seasons. I love sunshine and blue skies. But today not even nice weather

can bring up

my mood.

Determined to get home as fast as possible, I walk with clipped strides toward my car. A couple strolls past holding hands and staring at each other lovingly. A pang of jealousy jabs me in the gut. I’ve dated a lot of guys. Hooked up with even more. But I don’t know that

any of them looked at me lovingly. Lustfully, yes. But lovingly, not so much. Before I can stop it, a tear escapes down my cheek. Mortified, I reach up with my free hand and swipe it away. But the minute I get rid of that one, another one follows. Crap. Blinking, I wipe my face again and again. When I hear footsteps nearing me, I clear my throat, dropping my head in hopes that

my hair will shield my face. “Ashley?” Double crap. “Ashley? Are you okay?” Attempting to brush away the last traces of moisture, I lift my head and run a finger through my hair. Keeping my voice even, I say, “I’m fine, Emmy.” “You sure?” Emmy’s eyes are narrowed in concern. Taylor stands next

to her, appearing more perplexed than worried. “Yes,” I snap. “Just my damn allergies kicking up.” “Oh.” Emmy bites her lip. “Cause you seem upset.” “The only thing I’m upset about is the fact that you won’t leave me alone,” I hiss. “Why can’t you mind your own business?”

Emmy’s lips press into a hard line. Gone is the concerned look. Now it’s replaced by anger. “Well, don’t worry, Ash. I won’t make that mistake again.” She grabs Taylor by the arm, and they both glare as they slip past me. Listening

to

their

footsteps

behind my back, I shake my head. Why did I have to be so rude to her when she was trying to be nice? Peering over my

shoulder, I watch them enter the coffee shop together, arm in arm. What I wouldn’t give to be with them. To have a friend to hold me up, to defend me, to care about me. But it’s my fault. Clearly, I don’t know how to be nice. Henry was wrong. I’m not kind. And my grandpa would not be proud if he could see me now.

HAYES “How did it go?” I ask when Mom and Grandpa get back from picking up coffee. The question is mostly directed toward Mom. I know how hard it can be taking Grandpa out lately. Especially for Mom, since she’s a worrier. She always freaks out thinking he’s going to fall and hurt himself.

“I met a girl,” Grandpa responds after getting settled in his recliner. “Go Gramps,” I say with a slight chuckle. Wearing a smirk, Mom shakes her head. “Here you go.” She shoves a paper coffee cup into my hand. “Thanks,” I say, lowering myself down on the couch. Mom sits down next to me, holding her own cup of coffee.

“Wait until you hear who the girl is,” Mom says, nodding in Grandpa’s direction. “Tell him, Dad.” “She was a sweet girl. Goes to school with you,” Grandpa says. “Wow. Robbing the cradle,” I tease, lifting the coffee to my lips and taking a sip. “Her name’s Ashley,” he says. Coffee spews out of my mouth.

“Ashley?” Raising my brows, I look to Mom for help. She shrugs. “Ashley McIntosh?” “The

one

and

only,”

Mom

replies. “And you described her as a ‘sweet girl’?” I ask Grandpa. “She was. I almost fell over, and she came over to help me. Then she sat

down and talked to me for a bit.” None of this sounds like Ashley at all. “You’re sure it was Ashley McIntosh?” “I saw her too,” Mom confirms. “I mean, I knew Ashley was into older guys, but I never thought…” my words trail off as I break into laughter. “Oh,

it

wasn’t

like

that.”

Grandpa waves away my words. “I

reminded her of her grandpa.” I freeze, the laughter dying on my lips. “She told you that?” In all the years I’ve known Ashley, she’s never shared anything about her family. And from what I understand, she doesn’t readily offer information about her family to anyone else. But in their short interaction she spilled her guts to my grandpa? “Yeah.” He smiles. “We had a

nice conversation.” “Really?” I’m dumbfounded. “She did seem…different,” Mom adds. “Your mom told me that Ashley hasn’t always been very nice to you,” Grandpa says. I snort. “That’s putting it mildly.” “She’s not the monster you think she is, Big Guy,” he says, causing me to

wince. Man, I really hope he didn’t call me that in front of Ashley. “The girl I met today was sad, not mean.” His words pierce my heart. So Grandpa had seen it too. The sadness that lived in Ashley’s eyes. She tried to mask it, but it was still there. Even her tough

exterior

and

bitchy

attitude

couldn’t squash it completely. “She’s had kind of a rough time lately,” I

explain. “Her boyfriend was the guy who kissed Talia.” I’d finally told my mom about my break up with Talia last night, so now we could talk about it freely in front of her. “I see.” Grandpa nods, touching his index finger to his chin. Mom rests her hand on my shoulder. “To be fair, she hasn’t just had it rough lately. She’s always had it

rough.” The rumors around town about Ashley’s family weren’t complimentary. But Mom had inside knowledge about Dr. McIntosh from her job at the hospital. “A lot of people have difficult home lives. Look at Christian Alcott,” I point out. “Hell, our family has even been through the ringer, but Chris and I

don’t go around treating people like crap.” “No.” Mom slowly shakes her head. “Chris beats people up and you make jokes.” I recoil from her statement. “What?” Her face softens, and she touches my arm lightly. “Everyone copes with their problems differently. When your

dad and I split up you started making jokes all the time, and you have ever since. You use humor as a way to deal. And we all know Chris has had his share of fights.” She shrugs. “Ashley has found her own way to cope.” Lowering her hand, she adds, “Trust me, I’ll take joking any day over Ashley’s rudeness or Christian’s anger problems. Try to see her side a little.”

“I see her side, Mom. I’m just not gonna let her walk all over me anymore.” “And I’m not saying you should.” Mom stands. “I’d love to sit here and chat more about this, but I’ve got errands to run.” She glances down at me. “Can you hang with Grandpa for a bit?” “No problem.” As she starts to leave, I reach for her hand. “What I said

about our family going through the ringer, it’s not been that bad.” She smiles. “It’s okay, Hayes. I know it was hard for you when your dad and I divorced. You don’t have to apologize for saying something about it.” But I do feel bad. None of it was Mom’s fault. She’s done her best to give me a good life. “You two have fun today,” Mom calls out as she leaves the room.

Grandpa and I both holler out goodbyes, and then I take another sip of hot coffee. The bitter flavor lingers on my tongue. “What your mom said is true, you know,” Grandpa speaks into the silence, and my head bounces up. “That girl is clearly wrestling with her own demons, and I really think she could use a friend.”

I set my coffee down on the coffee table. “No way. I’m not letting Ashley reject me again.” “I’m not asking you to date her. Just be a friend.” I blow out a breath. Grandpa means well, but he doesn’t know Ashley. He doesn’t know what she’s capable of. “I saw Talia and a friend pulling into the coffee shop when your mom and

I were leaving,” Grandpa says. “Was Ashley still there?” A knowing expression passes over Grandpa’s face, and I inwardly groan. “For not being her friend, you seem to be worried about her.” “I’m not. I was just curious.” “Yeah. Ashley was still there,” he answers my initial question. “I take it she and Talia aren’t friends anymore?”

“No, they’re not.” I try to imagine how things went down between Talia and Ashley at the coffee shop, and it makes my stomach hurt. It’s crazy that Ashley can elicit so much sympathy from me when she’s treated me like crap for years. But ever since that party I’ve been confused about her. It’s like she’s a completely different person. And now that she’s been kind to Grandpa, I’m

even more confused. I think about all the cruel stunts she’s played on her so called friends. Like how she manipulated and betrayed Emmy. How she pretended to be her friend just to get to Cal. And none of

it

resonates

with

the

picture

Grandpa’s painting. Or even of the girl who hides in her car during lunch. And then it hits me: Ashley’s playing a part. It’s what she does. She made Emmy

believe they were best friends when they weren’t. How is that any different than her pretending to be sweet to my grandpa? Her meanness wasn’t paying off, so she’s switched tactics. I know my Grandpa means well, and I get how charming Ashley can be. But I’m not falling for her stupid game. Not now. Not ever.

ASHLEY I’ve never faked being sick to get out of going to school. I never had to. In middle school I learned to forge my mom’s signature. And when I skipped school it was to meet a boy or hang out with friends. Not stay home, hidden under the covers in my bed. However, that’s precisely what I’m doing today.

This morning I faked a cough and a sore throat, told my mom I wasn’t feeling well. She called the school office while I hurried back to my room feeling like a loser. But I couldn’t do it again. Couldn’t face everyone’s gloating stares in the hallway. Couldn’t hide in my car at lunch. I know it’s not a permanent fix. It’s not like I can fake sickness every day

for the rest of the year, no matter how tempting that is. Eventually I’ll have to face everything. But I don’t want that to be today. It was bad enough going to the coffee shop on Saturday. Talia and Heather waltzed in there like they owned the place. Like they were better than everyone. Including me. It was sickening the way they behaved with no regard for

how I was feeling. They knew I was standing right there in front of them. Even if they acted like they didn’t see me, I know they did. So much for friendship. I haven’t always been the nicest person, but Talia and I have been friends since we were kids. You’d think that would count for something. That it would matter. That she’d care about hurting my

feelings. In all the years we’ve known each other, I’ve shared things with her. Not a lot. For the most part I like to keep things to myself. But I have shared some stuff, like how my dad spends most of his time away from the house, and mom spends all her time drinking. And she and I were friends when my grandpa died. She saw how tore up I was about

losing him. That was the one time where I couldn’t mask how I felt. Sadness lingered over me like a storm cloud. There was no pretending. How can she toss me aside like trash after knowing all that? Rolling over, I groan, pressing my face into my pillow. On the wall directly in front of me is a corkboard covered in pictures and notes. I’ve

already taken down the ones of Talia and that group, so there aren’t many left. Mostly selfies or pictures of my family. I really am lame. I’m about to flop back to the other side of my bed when my gaze catches on the edge of a picture hidden behind another one. Slowly, I throw off my covers and slide off the bed. I know what the picture is before yanking it

down. Yet for some reason, I still study it. Emmy’s cheek is pressed to mine, a cheesy grin on her face. And, despite my best efforts, it causes the corners of my lips to curl upward as I stare down at it. My gaze darts from Emmy’s face to mine, and I’m surprised at how genuine and relaxed I appear in the picture. But I don’t know why I’m

surprised. Emmy brought out that side of me. In the moments where I forgot my plan, where I let down my guard, our friendship was authentic and real. It was in those times where I felt comfortable. Still, I never allowed myself to get too close. I kept the lid on the real me and only shared the barest details of my life. However,

Emmy

wasn’t

so

closed off. She shared all sorts of stuff

with me – how she felt neglected and disliked by her mom, how she felt inferior to her brother. The truth hits me like a ton of bricks, and I drop the picture. It flutters to the ground like a bird with clipped wings, landing face first in the carpet. What I’d done to Emmy was no different than what Talia did to me. I knew her secrets, her fears, her hurts, and that

hadn’t stopped me from tossing her aside. It didn’t stop me from betraying and hurting her. Actually, what I did was worse than what Talia did, because I had it planned all along. Remembering how young and impressionable Talia was when we first became friends, I’m sure she didn’t have this planned from day one. In fact, I doubt Talia ever had this

planned. Most likely, she snapped. That’s more like her. I’m the one who manipulates and plans. Talia reacts. I guess I should’ve seen this coming. Emmy softened me a little. Don’t get me wrong, I was still me, but not as hard edged. But when our friendship ended, it sharpened me back up. I didn’t realize how much I relied on my friendship with Emmy. It took losing

her to show me that. The longer I hung out with Talia and that group, it became apparent how good I had it with Emmy. With Talia, everything was a game. With Emmy, it was never like that. The more exhausted I got with it, the more disgruntled I became. And I know I took that out on Talia. It made me ruder, bitchier, and more manipulative.

In part because I wanted to prove to myself that I’d made the right choice. That power and popularity were worth the sacrifices I’d made. That when I reached the top, the people I’d stepped on wouldn’t matter. Talia must have tired of it too, and that’s why she decided to pull the ladder out from under me. Now she was at the top, and I was battered and broken

at the bottom. It’s hard to feel sorry for myself when I know that I would’ve done the same thing in her shoes. Feeling sick, I turn away from the corkboard and crawl back in my bed. I yank the covers up over my head and cocoon myself inside. Closing my eyes, I will sleep to come. Maybe then I can stop thinking. Maybe then I can shut off

my mind. Maybe then I can stop feeling so guilty.

HAYES It’s Monday, and Ashley’s not at school. Not that I’ve been looking for her. She’s one of those people that’s impossible to miss. Even with her being shunned, she’s still larger than life. Her light blond hair, pink clothes, and overpowering scent can be spotted a mile away. Besides, she’s always the talk of the school. Even

now. Her name’s been tossed around as often as a baseball during a game. Not that it’s unusual for Ashley to miss school. She’s been known to skip quite

frequently.

However,

when

Ashley’s missing, so are other people – Talia or Heather or Ashley’s latest boyfriend of the week. But this time no one else is absent.

Only Ashley. That’s what makes it weird. At lunch I scan the cafeteria, my gaze flickering to the large windows that overlook the

parking lot.

Without

meaning to, I glance at the spot Ashley’s car is normally in. Today there is a red truck parked there instead. “Who ya looking for?” Brady slides onto the bench next to me wearing

a smug expression. “No one.” Lowering my head, I reach into my backpack and pull out a can of soda. “That’s good, because I don’t think she’s here today.” He nudges me in the side. “Who isn’t?” I play dumb. Brady snorts and shakes his head.

“Do you think she’s really sick?” A nasally female voice floats from the other end of the table. As I grab a sandwich out of my lunch bag, I glance over to the end of the table where Talia and her friends sit. “Nah. I think she’s at home feeling sorry for herself.” Talia smiles wickedly, and it turns my stomach. Since when did she become so

mean? When we were together she used to talk about how she hated the way Ashley treated people. But now here she is doing the same thing. Acting exactly the way Ashley used to. I know that everyone else thinks it’s justified, but I think it’s hypocrisy at its finest. “Same way she was on Friday night apparently,” Heather interjects, picking at her salad, but not eating it. As

skinny as she is, I doubt she ever eats her food. Probably uses it as a prop. So Ashley wasn’t at the party on Friday night? I didn’t think she’d show up. But I’m sure everyone noticed. Ashley rarely misses a chance to party. I take a bite of my sandwich and wipe my face. The guys are talking about some movie I haven’t seen, and I find myself eavesdropping on the girls again.

“And did you hear about what she was up to on Saturday morning?” Another girl pipes up. I can’t see who it is because her head is obscured by Heather’s ponytail. “Heather and I saw her at the coffee shop,” Talia says. “Well, a bunch of other kids saw her and said she was sitting with some old dude,” the girl relays. That’s when I

get a glimpse of her face. Her name’s Aubrey. She’s a year younger than us, and I don’t know her very well. All I know is that she’s worked hard to climb the social ladder so she could hang with Talia and her group. Well, actually, the group that was once thought of as Ashley’s, but now seems to have been taken over by Talia. Talia giggles behind her hand as

if she’s trying to be discreet, but she’s not fooling anyone. She’s eating this up. “Like how old?” “Ancient,” the girl says. “Like grossly old. He even used a walker.” Anger simmers in my veins hearing them talk about my grandpa like that. “Really?” Talia openly giggles now. “I mean, I knew she liked older

guys, but eww.” Heather throws her head back in laughter. “Maybe she’s just trying to figure out her future, you know? Like now that she’s lost her social status and doesn’t have, like, any solid goals in life, she’s realized that she needs a sugar daddy.” Talia roars with laughter. “Oh my god, that is so gross. I bet he can’t even

get it up.” That’s it. I can’t take it anymore. My whole body is shaking as I drop my sandwich, push away from the table and stand up. All eyes turn to me as I storm over to Talia. “Hey, clean it up, Talia. That’s my grandpa you’re talking about.” Her head whips in my direction, her eyes widening. “Your grandpa?”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I nod angrily. “Oh.” Her hand flies to her mouth. “I-I-had no idea.” “Of course you didn’t. Why don’t you try getting your facts straight before you sit around gossiping about people,” I snap. She recoils, her hand fluttering over her chest. Her friends freeze, their

mouths agape. After a silent moment, her face smooths out, curiosity filling her eyes. “What was

she

doing with your

grandpa?” Sighing, I glance around. The entire table is staring up at me waiting for a response. Why did I get involved in this conversation? I thought I was helping, but clearly I’ve made everything

worse. By the end of the day word will have spread all over school that Ashley has a thing with my grandpa. Great. Knowing that I can’t let that happen, I answer honestly, “It was nothing. She was in line. He was trying to sit down, and he almost fell. She helped him, and then they talked. End of story.” Talia’s

mouth

drops

incredulously. “Ashley helped him?

Yeah, right.” I narrow my eyes. “Are you calling my grandpa a liar?” “It’s just a little hard to believe.” “Well, it’s hard to believe that I ever went with you, but it’s the truth,” I retort. Her face flames. “That makes two of us.” I hate that I’m arguing with her

like this. I hate that I felt the need to say such a hurtful thing. I didn’t mean it. I know she did, though, and it stings. Backing away, I lift my hands in surrender. “You know you’ve turned into her, right?” “Since when have you become Ashley’s defender?” It’s a question, but it sounds more like an accusation. “I’m not. I’m the same guy I’ve

always been. And you know me, Talia. I don’t like bullies.” Before allowing her to say another word, I head back to my seat. “And you always did root for the underdog,” her words follow me. After sitting back down, I try to shake them off, but I can’t. She’s right. I do have a weakness for the underdog. When I was younger, my friends used to

tease me about the baseball teams I followed. They picked theirs based on who won the most games. I picked the ones that lost the most. Not because I like losing. It’s because I love stories of triumph. Of the underdog rising to the top. Of the least likely team winning the World Series. Even when I pick movies it’s the inspirational ones I choose. The ones

where the weak rise to the challenge, surprising everyone. Or where the kid being bullied gains victory over his bullies. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen it happen with those closest to me. Namely, my mom. She and my dad had an awful marriage. He treated her like his personal slave. Ran her ragged, never cherished her. Then eventually he

met someone else and dumped her. Many in town thought my mom would never survive, being left to raise two boys after being abandoned by her husband. It seemed unfathomable, especially in a town like this where everyone knows everyone else’s business. But

my

mom

didn’t

let

expectations define her. She defied the odds. Went back to school, got her

degree in nursing. She’s not a survivor. She’s a champion. And she makes me believe in the human spirit. In our ability to overcome insurmountable odds. But is that the reason for my fixation on Ashley? Can Talia peg me that well?

ASHLEY By Wednesday, Mom threatens to take me to the doctor if I’m still sick. I actually contemplate it. Then I realize how ridiculous I’m being. I’m not sick. A doctor will see right through me. It’s the reason I’ve avoided Dad whenever he’s been home. So I suck it up and go to school.

And it goes exactly like I thought it would. Talia and her new posse ignore me while the rest of the student body tosses me curious glances as if I’ve sprouted ten heads. Not that I blame them. I used to rule this place. I still don’t understand how the tides changed so quickly. While I lie in bed yesterday I hatched all these plans for getting back

on top. I envisioned myself storming into the school and demanding my popularity back. I did it once. I can do it again. But now that I’m here all of my courage dwindles. It’s not that I don’t think I’ll be successful. When I put my mind to something I always accomplish my goal. But I’m tired. I don’t have it in me to fight anymore. I spent years clawing my way to the top, and I was barely hanging

on. The idea of starting over - of planning,

deceiving,

manipulating,

struggling, stepping on people and playing games – none of it sounds appealing at all. In fact, at the mere thought my stomach churns. However, I don’t know what else to do. I’ve never been someone’s friend simply for the sake of friendship. I

wouldn’t even know where to start. I wouldn’t know how to behave. Not that it matters. It only takes a few minutes in the school hallway to hear the rumors. Apparently, I’d been spotted sitting with Hayes’ grandpa at the coffee shop. Now everyone thinks I’m having an affair with an elderly man. I would

laugh if it weren’t so

preposterous. I’m sure it was Talia who

started the silly rumor. And I’m certain she doesn’t believe a word of it. Then again, the truth never stopped me either. I’ve definitely spread my share of rumors around this school. That’s

why

I

don’t

bother

defending myself or proving the rumor is false. Let them think what they want. In some small way I feel like it’s my penance.

In the halls between classes, I keep my head down, my gaze fixated on my strappy sandals. Which are super cute, by the way. Way cuter than anyone else’s sandals at this stupid school. My dad may not be around, but he always makes sure I have enough spending money to buy what I want. And Mom loves to go into the city to shop at fancy boutiques. It’s one of the few perks I

have of being in my family, and I fully take advantage. During classes, I ignore the students and actually pay attention to the teacher. After spending the last several years cheating or having other people do my work, this is a foreign concept. Honestly, I’m realizing that I’m smarter than I thought. Perhaps I will actually get into a college and make something of

myself, like my dad wants me to. Mom doesn’t care about stuff like that. She only wants me to go to college to meet a man who can take care of me. I’m not sure if that’s what I want, but I used to think it was my best option. Now I’m wondering if maybe I was wrong. At lunch I find myself back in the safety of my car. Sliding down in my seat in hopes that none of the staff

members or other students see me out here, I pull out my sandwich and take a quick bite. As I chew, I hear footsteps in the lot. Heart kicking up speed, I duck down. If one of the teachers sees me, they’ll make me go back inside. We’re not supposed to be out here unattended. Worse, if it’s a student, I’ll never hear the end of it. My window is open a crack, and

a familiar panicked voice reaches my ears. Hayes? “Okay. Calm down. It’s gonna be all right,” he says. I don’t hear a response, so I peek out the window. Hayes is racing into the parking lot, his cell phone pressed to his ear. His expression is one of panic. My stomach twists.

“I know. But we have to be strong for him,” he speaks into the phone, still moving swiftly. Reaching in his pocket with his free hand, he yanks out his keys. Then he drops them and they crash to the ground. He mutters a curse word under his breath and bends over. “Mom, I’ll be there as soon as I can, okay?” His voice is muffled as he

snatches up the keys. After standing up, he shoves his phone into the pocket of his jeans and blows out a shaky breath. His words kick around in my head until I find it difficult to draw breath. There’s only one person he could possibly be talking about. I think of Henry and how sweet he was to me at the coffee shop. Without thinking, I drop my sandwich on the seat

and step out of my vehicle. Hayes’ head swivels in my direction, a confused look cloaking his face. I expect him to ask me if I’ve been eating in my car, but he doesn’t. In fact, he doesn’t acknowledge me at all. He turns in the other direction, hurrying toward his car. “Hayes!” I call after him, my curiosity getting the better of me. He

peers

back

at

me,

exasperated. “Make it quick. I’m in a hurry, Ashley.” I walk toward him. “I can see that. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He snorts. “I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I don’t have time for it.” “I overheard you on the phone,” I say. “Is it Henry? Did something happen

to him?” My own grandpa’s face flashes in my mind, and my chest tightens. His expression hardens. “What is your sudden interest in my grandpa?” His words hit me like a sucker punch. Surely he knows I’m not into his grandpa. “Despite all of the rumors, I don’t have a thing for your grandpa. He was just nice to me, which is more than I can say for anyone else.”

His

face

instantly

softens,

reminding me of what a good guy he is. “Sorry.” He shakes his head. “I’m just on edge. Worried, you know?” “So…something did happen to Henry?” Nodding, he says, “He fell, and he’s in bad shape. They suspect a broken hip.” My hand flies to my mouth, a

small gasp escaping. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Hayes grunts in frustration. “I hate that I wasn’t home with him, you know? He had to call an ambulance himself. I still don’t even know how he did it.” The pain etched in his features cuts to my heart, and I reach out to gently touch his arm. He flinches as if stunned. And the truth is I kind of am too. I’ve

never touched Hayes willingly before. And I’m not really good at comforting people. This may be one of the first times I’ve attempted it. “You can’t beat yourself up, Hayes. You were at school.” I toss him a smile. “I mean, it’s the law, right? We kind of have to be here.” One side of his lip curls upward. “Wow, you suddenly care about the law, huh?”

Shrugging, I chuckle. Hayes takes a deep breath. “I really have to get to the hospital.” I pull my arm back and nod. “Say hi to him for me.” Hayes cocks his head to the side. “He really made an impression on you.” It isn’t a question, but I feel compelled to answer. “He’s a pretty cool guy.”

“For what it’s worth, you made an impression on him too.” Without saying goodbye, Hayes whirls around and sprints to his car. I watch as he pulls out of the lot and speeds down the street. Once he’s gone, I glance around the empty parking lot feeling like an idiot. My gaze darts to the school, and I half expect to see the entire student body gawking at me. But no one is watching.

Most likely they’re all busy eating lunch and chatting with their friends. Shoulders slumping, I head back to my car to finish my sandwich. As I slide into the driver’s seat, Hayes’ last words skate through my mind. You made an impression on him too.

***

Hayes is gone the rest of the day. I look for him in between classes, and after school I scan the lot for his car. But it’s not here. I wonder how Henry is. Sighing, I pick up my phone. I want to text or call Hayes to find out what’s going on, but I don’t have his phone number. No wonder he was surprised by

my concern for him. We’ve never been friends. Lowering my phone, I walk toward my car. The heels on my sandals click on the pavement. A car zips past me, music blaring. Glancing over my shoulder, I notice a few boys in the junior class. The two in the back give me appreciative glances. It should flatter me, but it doesn’t. Snatching out my

keys, I unlock my car. As I’m opening the door, the scent of floral perfume wafts under my nose. It’s identical to the one I wear, but I know it’s not mine because I forgot to spray it on this morning. By the time I made the decision to go to school, I had to race around like crazy to get ready on time. “Hey, Ash.” Even before I heard Talia’s

voice I knew it was her because when we were friends she copied everything about me, including buying my favorite scent. However, I’d been hoping she’d ignore me. It’s what she’d been doing for the past week. I wonder what changed now. “I hear your boyfriend’s in the hospital,” she says. I spin around. “Henry’s still at

the hospital?” Talia’s eyes widen. “So the rumors really are true?” Heather giggles by her side. The whole thing sickens me. “You’re the one who spread the rumor. Shouldn’t you know if it’s true or not?” “Ashley McIntosh is worried about the truth. Wow. That’s a new one.” Talia laughs lightly.

I frown. “You know Henry’s not my boyfriend, Talia. And I think it’s disgusting that you’re making jokes when Hayes’ grandpa is hurt and in the hospital.” “I gotta hand it to you, Ash. This whole doting concerned act you’ve got going on totally works for you. I mean, you almost have me going. Almost, but not quite. I know you too well to buy

into it,” Talia says. “Your dream may be to go into fashion, but acting is totally your strength. Trust me.” With one last giggle, she links arms with Heather and they sashay away from me. As hard as I try to slough off her words and pretend they don’t bother me, it’s no use. They do bother me. They bother me a lot. It’s true that I’ve been good at

acting in the past, but right now I’m not. I honestly am concerned about Henry. And I hate that anyone thinks this is part of some game or manipulation. I’d never do that to a sweet old man. Besides, this is different. There’s nothing to gain here. Deciding to let it go, I get in my car and turn on the engine. Once I’m out of the lot and the school is in my rearview mirror, my chest expands. I

may have to come back tomorrow, but I’m thankful for the small reprieve. My plan is to head home, but instead I find myself drifting toward the hospital. When I was younger Mom and I would sometimes meet Dad for lunch. We’d sit outside on the picnic tables near the grass and eat fast food that we’d picked up on the way. That was before Mom was constantly on a diet, and

before Dad started working so many hours that we never saw him. After parking, I walk with clipped strides up to the main building. Glancing up at the many windows overlooking the parking lot, I count them until I figure out which one is Dad’s office. Even though it’s been years since I’ve been here, I still remember which one it is. The automatic doors open, and

I step through them. I’ve never liked the way the hospital smells. Too sterile or something. I’d asked Dad about it before, and he said that he didn’t even notice it anymore since he’d been working here for so many years. I suppose that makes sense. We become desensitized to things if we’re used to them. At first I head toward the

reception area with the intention of finding out what room Henry Parker is in. But I stop before reaching it. Parker can’t be his last name. I think he’s Hayes’ maternal grandpa. After Hayes’ parents got divorced, his mom kept her married name. Probably to have the same last name as her son. She seemed like the type of woman who would do that. My mom, on the other hand,

would’ve changed her name right away without giving me a second thought. The woman behind the desk glances up at me, a question in her eyes. I’m sure I look suspicious standing here staring off into space. “Can I help you?” She asks. “Um…” Even if she can figure out which Henry I’m talking about, she probably won’t tell me which room he’s

in.

I’m not

family.

“I’m Ashley

McIntosh.” Smiling politely I march right up to the desk. “Dr. McIntosh’s daughter.” “Oh, yes. Nice to meet you, my dear,” the woman responds cheerily the way I knew she would. My dad is nothing if not charming. I’m sure every woman in this hospital is smitten with him.

“I…umm…have something for him.” Realizing I’m not holding anything, I pat the purse that’s strung over my shoulder as if what I brought him is nestled inside. “I’m just gonna go upstairs and leave it in his office.” “I can get it to him if you’d like,” she offers, wearing a wicked smile. Coral lipstick stains the bottoms of her top teeth. If I was nice, I’d tell her so she

could wipe it off. Too bad I’m my father’s daughter. “It’s okay. It’s personal.” I throw her an apologetic look before scurrying away from her desk and down the hallway. As I walk swiftly forward, I know I have to be fast. If Dad gets wind of me being here, he’ll know I didn’t come to bring him something. And if any of the other hospital staff sees me

snooping around, I’ll be escorted out. So I walk with purpose, my head held high as if I know exactly where I’m going. Nurses and doctors slip past me, focused on their tasks, not noticing me at all. And I’ve never been so happy to be invisible before. Every time I pass a room, I discreetly peer inside. I think about what Hayes said about Henry falling, and I remember my grandma

falling and breaking her hip a few years before passing away. She’d had to have surgery. The longer I look for Henry, I start to wonder if he’s somewhere in this hospital having surgery as we speak. I round a corner, and my breath hitches in my throat. Pulse quickening, I duck back into the hallway I came out of. Pressing my back against the wall, I breathe deeply. Out of the corner of my

eye, Hayes and his mom round the corner, deep in conversation. I can’t make out what they’re saying since it’s so noisy in here, but their lips move in rapid succession as they hurry down the hallway. A part of me wants to step forward, tap one of them on the shoulder and ask what’s going on. I honestly don’t know why I hid. It was a knee-jerk reaction.

But as they continue away from me, I stay still. My conversation with Talia flies through my mind. I’d endured enough accusations for one day. If Hayes sees me here he might question my motives as well, and I don’t want to deal with that. I came to see if Henry is okay, and that’s what I’m going to do. Turning the corner, I walk in the direction that Hayes and his mom came

from. A few doors down I finally see him. He’s lying in a bed, looking frail and lost. My heart pinches, and I imagine my own grandpa in one of these beds. Guilt chokes me, and I can’t breathe. Closing my eyes, I will away the thoughts, the memories, the shame. Once it subsides, I open my eyes and inhale deeply. Then I step into the room. At the sound of my heels on the

linoleum, Henry slowly lifts his head. A weary smile stretches across his face. “Ashley? Is that you?” “Yes.” I move further into the room, pleased that he remembered me. “This is a pleasant surprise. What are you doing here?” “I ran into Hayes today when he was on his way to the hospital, so I thought I’d stop by and see how you

were.” “You came all the way here just to see this old man?” I giggle. “Yep. I guess I did.” “I wish I could make your visit more exciting then, but I’m afraid I’m a mess.” Making my way over to his bed, I ask, “What happened?” “I fell. Broke my hip.”

I cringe. “My grandma did that once. Are you in pain?” He nods. “But they’ve given me medicine. I’m scheduled for surgery in the morning.” “I’m sorry.” It seems inadequate, but I can’t think of anything else to say. “It’s not your fault.” He looks at me. “In fact, if you hadn’t caught me the other day, this might have happened

sooner.” My lips twitch at the corners. “Well, I wish I had been there today then.” He pauses, studying my face. “It’s okay. You’re here now.” His words are like a knife in my stomach. Doubling over, I feel ill. I was stupid for coming here. For thinking this would change anything. There’s no way I

can erase a mistake I’d made years ago. Talia was right. My motives aren’t pure. Sure, I like Henry, but he’s not the only reason I’m here. I’ve spent the last few years trying to make up for what I’d done, and deep down I had mistakenly thought Henry was the way I was finally going to do that. As if he’d been handed to me on a silver platter. But I should’ve known

better.

HAYES After talking with the doctor, I head back to Grandpa’s room. It was hard to leave him even for a few minutes. I still feel guilty for not being home with him when he fell. Images of him lying on the floor in the family room, crying out for help, keep filling my mind. As I near Grandpa’s room, my chest expands a

little. Voices float from inside his room, spilling out into the hallway. A nurse must be checking on him. Not wanting to interrupt, I peek inside. But it’s not a nurse. It’s Ashley. At the sight of her standing over his bed, I’m stunned. What is she doing here? Shocked, I watch them talk for a minute. I can barely make out their

words, but I pick up a slight giggle from her, a chuckle from Grandpa. Her hand falls to the bed, covering his, surprising me further. This is not a side of Ashley I’ve ever seen before. My phone vibrates from inside my pocket, and I step away from the door. After yanking my cell out, I look at the name on my screen. “Hey,” I answer in a whisper, not

wanting to alert Grandpa and his visitor to my presence. “Hayes?” My brother shouts into the phone. “Can you hear me?” I almost laugh out loud. Just because he can’t hear me doesn’t mean I can’t hear him. I race forward, pushing open the door at the end of the hallway. Once I’m outside, I answer, “Yeah. Sorry. I was in the hospital, but now I’m

outside.” To my right a group of nurses sit at a round table, talking and eating. I move away from them, resting my back against the side of the building. “Is

Mom

with

Gramps?”

Jameson is the first one who started using the word “Gramps” and it stuck. I scratch the back of my neck, my fingers catching on the bottom of my baseball cap. “No.”

“Oh, do you need to get back to him?” “He actually has a visitor right now, so I can talk.” A pause. I can hear Jameson breathing through the line. “A visitor? Like a female?” “Yeah.” “No way. Does Gramps have a girlfriend?”

“Not exactly.” I think about the rumors at school and how absurd they are. It seems unfathomable that Ashley would

show

up

here

after

what

everyone’s been saying about her. She’s not one to throw caution to the wind. Her reputation is the most important thing to her. This new Ashley is baffling to me. “You’re

being

really

quiet.

What’s going on, little brother?” There

is wariness in Jameson’s tone, and I know he’s worried about Grandpa. It’s not like our dad was nonexistent growing up. He still lives in Prairie Creek, and we spent at least one weekend a month with him, sometimes more. Even so, Grandpa was more of a father figure to us than our dad ever was. He’s always been our constant, the man we run to when we need help…or

anything for that matter. “Nothing. I mean, you talked to Mom so you know about Grandpa’s hip and his surgery tomorrow.” “Yeah. Man, that’s rough,” he says, and I pray that I don’t have to tell him about Ashley. “But that still doesn’t explain what a woman is doing in his room.” “She’s not really a woman. More

like a teenage girl.” “What? Please don’t tell me Gramps is robbing the cradle. That’s not why he fell, is it? Was he…?” “Eww. No,” I interrupt, fighting the urge to cover my ears with my palms. Not that it would matter. The thought has already taken root in my mind. Jameson blows out a breath. “Thank god.”

“You didn’t really think he was fooling around with an underage girl, did you?” I’m incredulous. A couple of the nurses glance over, and my face flames. I turn away from them, cupping my hand over the phone. “Well, no, I didn’t think so, but you’re acting strange,” he explains. “It’s Ashley McIntosh.” “What? Who?”

“The girl that’s visiting with Gramps.” “No shit.” Jameson whistles. “How did that happen?” I open my mouth to explain when Jameson speaks again. “Are you and Ashley together?” “Hell no,” I answer forcefully. “Whoa. Someone’s defensive.” I bristle. “It’s just that you know Ashley. There’s no way I’d be interested

in someone like that.” “Sounds like you’re trying to do more than just convince me.” I hate how Jameson can see right through me. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Ashley’s not interested in me. She never has been.” “No. She’s only interested in our grandpa,” he jokes. “Yeah. Exactly.”

“You don’t find that odd?” Jameson’s voice softens a little. “I mean, Ashley isn’t exactly the kind of girl who visits sick guys in the hospital.” “She’s...changed.” “Clearly.”

***

After hanging up with Jameson, I head

back to Grandpa’s room. I’m grateful to find that Ashley’s already left. A nurse is checking Grandpa’s vitals when I step inside. She greets me, finishes up with Grandpa, and then glides out into the hall. I step forward, sitting in a chair near the bed. “I just got off the phone with Jameson,” I tell him, and his face lights up. “He says to break a leg tomorrow,

but I don’t think that’s probably a good idea.” Grandpa chuckles, then stops and winces. I hate seeing him in pain. “Um…I came here earlier and saw that you had a visitor,” I hedge. “Yeah. That sweet girl from your school.” There he goes throwing around the word “sweet” in regards to Ashley.

No matter how many times he says it, I’ll never think it fits. “Ashley,” I clarify. “What was she doing here?” “You know what she was doing here. She said that you’re the one who told her I was in the hospital.” “Not on purpose,” I mumble. “I just happened to run into her when I was leaving for the hospital. She saw me because she was eating in her car

again.” Grandpa hoists himself up a little bit, adjusting the pillow behind his back. I leap up to help him, but he swats my hand away. “I got it. I’m not an invalid yet.” A pensive look crosses his face. “She eats alone in her car? That’s sad.” I snort. “What goes around comes around, right?” “What do you mean by that?”

“Gramps, I know you think Ashley’s this really sweet, innocent girl, but she’s not. You know how many girls have had to hide in their cars to eat because of how badly she bullied them? She’s seriously the meanest girl at our school. The way I see it, she’s finally getting a taste of her own medicine.” It’s silent for a moment. The clock on the wall ticks. In the hallway

people chat, a cart with a squeaky wheel rolls past. “Do you remember how much you disliked Christian when you first met him?” Grandpa asks, brows raised. I nod. When Christian Alcott first moved to town he was the biggest bully. Eventually, he and Cal became friends, and he softened a little. Still, he wasn’t someone you wanted on your bad side.

Ask Josh. “But that was different,” I explain. “He’d moved to a new place, and everyone in town was horrible to his mom. He was just acting out. It was his way of coping.” Grandpa gives me a death stare, and I swallow hard. Before I can say anything else, footsteps sound behind me. When I crane my neck, a doctor walks in, white coat on, clipboard in

hand. He glances at me briefly and then walks up to Grandpa’s bed. “Hi. I’m Dr. McIntosh. Dr. Jones went home for the day and has asked me to check on you.” My breath catches in my throat. So this is Ashley’s dad. It’s funny that I’ve known Ashley for years and I’ve never met her dad. Although I can definitely see the resemblance.

“McIntosh, huh?” Grandpa says as if putting the pieces together. “Are you Ashley’s dad?” Dr. McIntosh nods. “You know Ashley?” Grandpa points to where I sit in the chair. “My grandson, Hayes, goes to school with her.” Dr. McIntosh peers over at me looking less than enthusiastic. “Nice to

meet you,” he mutters. “Are you and Ashley friends?” I don’t want to say no, so I simply nod. “I don’t really know any of Ashley’s friends,” he explains. “She kind of does her own thing.” He lets out a little chuckle, but I can tell the conversation uncomfortable.

is

making

him

My mom has always known all of my friends. Then again, my dad doesn’t know much about my life. Mostly because he’s not interested in it. Staring up at Dr. McIntosh, I realize that Ashley and I are more alike than I originally thought.

ASHLEY When I was ten I had my tonsils removed. It’s the only surgery I’ve had, and it was terrible. I hated being stuck in bed. I hated being in pain. But the worst was the night I spent in the hospital. It was lonely and loud all at the same time. The only good thing about the entire experience was that I got to eat all the

ice cream I wanted when I got home. Sweets aren’t something Mom buys often, because she’s always on a diet and prefers getting her calories through wine. A couple of days after visiting Henry, I overhear Hayes tell one of his friends that his grandpa is still in the hospital recovering. And all I can think about is the night I spent in the hospital. I

had wrongfully assumed that since my dad was a doctor that I wouldn’t be alone. But Dad had to attend to other patients, and he only came to my room a few times. I begged Mom to stay, but she said that she couldn’t get her beauty rest sleeping on a cot in a hospital room. It’s that memory that compels me to head to the hospital after school. I had left so abruptly the last time that I’m sure

Henry isn’t expecting me again. I’m a little surprised myself when I make my way inside the hospital. He’s not in the same room, and it takes me awhile to find him. When I do, he’s asleep. His face is upturned, a steady stream of air pushing through his lips. His chest rises and falls deeply with each breath. As I stand over him, I imagine that he’s my

grandpa. I think of all the things I would say if I had another chance. If I could rewind time and do things differently. At the mere thought, tears well in my eyes and slip down my cheeks. I swiftly reach up and wipe them away. But it’s no use. They’re flowing freely now. The minute I wipe one away, another one comes. Pretty soon it’s like my eyes have turned into faucets.

I’m not a crier. Especially not in public. I’m a private person. Good at holding things in. But lately it’s like I’ve lost all self-control. My emotions are right at the surface, and they keep spilling out all the time before I can rein them in. “Ashley?” A voice to my right startles me. Sniffing, I wipe at my face.

“Are you okay?” When I turn, Hayes is staring at me wide-eyed. Great. He’s going to think I’m insane. “I’m fine.” I lift my head, forcing a smile I don’t feel. But

Hayes

doesn’t

look

convinced. His gaze flickers down to his grandpa. “He’s going to be all right. The surgery went well.” Swallowing hard, I nod.

“I didn’t realize you were…” his words trail off as if he’s unsure of what to say. “I mean, you only met a couple of times…” His confusion is understandable. He walked in on me crying over a man I hardly know. But I have no idea how to explain what’s really going on. So instead, I back away from the bed. “Can you just tell him I came by when he

wakes up?” I hurry to the door. Once I’m out in the hallway, I blow out a breath. “Ashley, wait,” Hayes follows me. I freeze. “Are you sure you’re okay?” His eyes search mine. “Yeah,” I lie. He continues studying my face, and it makes me uncomfortable. “I met

your dad last night. He was filling in for Dr. Jones.” “Yeah. My dad’s always picking up extra shifts,” I say bitterly. When I catch the look of pity that splashes across Hayes’ face, I wish I hadn’t said anything. “Grandpa told your dad that we went to school together, but he’d never heard about me.”

“Don’t take it personally. He wouldn’t know Talia either. Or Emmy or anyone that I’ve been friends with.” The statement drives home how sad my life is currently. My dad has never known any of my friends, but right now it doesn’t even matter, because I literally have no friends. How lame is that? Hayes

glances

back at his

grandpa’s room. “I’m sure my grandpa

would love to see you if you want to wait for him to wake up.” I hesitate, but then picture my quiet, cold house. “You wouldn’t mind?” “Not at all.” I should be surprised by Hayes’ generosity considering how I’ve treated him, but I’m not. It’s the main reason I’ve steered clear of him. He’s one of the nice guys. I’ve known that from day one.

Even in elementary school he used to stick up for the kids that were bullied. There was this one kid, Mark, who wore hearing aids and talked funny. All the kids picked on him. One day this older kid stole one of his hearing aids and hid it in the playground. Hayes spent our entire lunch recess searching for Mark’s hearing aid, and eventually he found it. When he did, he threatened to beat up the

older kid if he ever came near Mark again. And that’s only one of many stories I have tucked away in my memory bank of Hayes. We may have never been friends, but I’ve always been aware of him. When we go back into the hospital room, Hayes grabs a chair from the corner and drags it near his

grandpa’s bed. The legs scrape on the ground, and I’m stunned it doesn’t wake Henry up. As if reading my thoughts, Hayes says, “They gave him something to help him sleep.” I nod in understanding. “Here you go.” Hayes motions to the chair. “Isn’t

that

for

dumbfounded by the gesture.

you?”

I’m

“Nope.” It’s not a big deal. So he got me a chair? I’m sure guys do this for girls every day. But to me it’s huge, because a guy has never done it for me. “Oh.” I bite my lip, stepping forward. “Thanks.” “No problem.” Winking, he goes in search of another chair. The room is dimly lit, the curtains over the small

window drawn closed. That awful sterile smell I hate lingers in the air. Yet there’s no place I’d rather be. It’s so odd. I didn’t even know Henry two weeks ago, and now he’s one of the few people I feel comfortable around. As Hayes sets a chair next to mine and plops into it, I realize that I feel the same way about Hayes. It both excites me and terrifies me at the same time.

“So do you visit your dad here very often?” Hayes asked, fidgeting with his hands in his lap. “No. I used to when I was younger.” Sensing that he might ask more questions about my dad, I steer the conversation

in

a

new

direction.

“Henry’s surgery went well?” “Yeah.” Hayes nods, his gaze traveling to where his grandpa lies. “No

complications. He obviously has a long road of recovery, but he should be fine. Not that I ever had a doubt. He’s a fighter.” The way he smiles when he talks about his grandpa warms me from the inside out. “You two are really close, huh?” He nods. “That’s how I was with my

grandpa.” When the words are out, I wonder what it is about this family that makes me run my mouth. When I catch the sympathy welling in Hayes’ eyes, I regret the slip up. “So, fall ball practices start soon,” I say. “Next week,” Hayes says. “Are you excited?” “Yeah. And a little worried. I mean, without Chris and Cal it will

definitely be different.” “Ah, I’m sure you guys will be fine.” I smile, grateful to be talking about baseball. Something safe. Something that has absolutely nothing to do with me or my past.

HAYES Grandpa comes home today. I wanted to miss school, to stay home and help get him situated. But Mom insisted I go to school. She took the day off and made all the arrangements. A nurse is coming to the house to care for Grandpa during the hours when Mom and I can’t be home. I hate that it’s come to this.

Grandpa loves his independence. He’s going to hate all this assistance. But we don’t have a choice at this point. I’ve seen Ashley a few more times at the hospital. Sometimes we talk. Other times I watch from afar. Once I eavesdropped at the door, but felt guilty for it afterward. However, a part of me is glad I did. The easy way she spoke with my grandpa was different from how

she usually is. Even different from how she’s been with me. And with me she’s been kinder, softer. But with Grandpa there was something else – something pure and innocent. Two words I never would’ve used to describe Ashley in the past. When I spot Ashley standing at her locker before first period, I head in her direction. As I get closer, a look of

astonishment springs to her face. Not that I blame her. Even though she’s been nicer, I haven’t approached her at school. I’m not stupid. She’s still Ashley, and this could all be an act. The last thing I want is for her to humiliate me like she’s done so many other times. “Hey.” I stand in front of her, fingers shoved down into the pocket of my jeans.

“Hey.” Her gaze darts to her feet. This shy version of Ashley is new. “I…um…just wanted to let you know that my grandpa is being released today.” “Oh, that’s awesome.” Her face lights up. Then it vanishes, replaced by darkness. “So I guess I won’t go visit him today.” My stomach tumbles to the

ground. Sometimes I forget that Ashley no longer has a social life. Pretty sure my grandpa is it. “Once he’s settled, I’m sure my mom wouldn’t mind if you stopped by.” “Okay. Great.” She nods, but I can’t tell if she means it. Chances are she won’t come to my house. I spot Brady and a bunch of guys from the team at the other end of the hall.

They throw curious glances in my direction. Face flaming, I say goodbye to Ashley. But she doesn’t let me leave. To my utter shock, her hand rests on my arm. “Thanks for letting me know about your grandpa. I appreciate it.” “Well, well, well.” Josh saunters over to us, wearing a smug grin. “What have we here?” His gaze darts to

Ashley’s hand on my arm. She quickly draws it back. “I wondered when you’d finally go after another baseball player.” He sidles up next to her, snaking his arm around her shoulders. She glares, pulling away. “But you don’t have to settle for Hayes here. I’ll take you back at any time.” He puckers up, bringing his lips dangerously close to her face. She wriggles in his grip.

“Back off.” Reaching out, I pry his arm off of her. “I’m surprised at you, Hayes. Didn’t think you’d go after Ashley after everything she’s done.” Josh chuckles, still touching Ashley. I shove him backward. “Hands off, Joshy.” He cringes at the nickname. It was Cal’s favorite way to piss him off, and it seems like it still works.

“Oh, you’re calling the shots now, huh?” He glances at Ashley, one eyebrow cocked. “You belong to him now?” This guy is unbelievable. “She doesn’t belong to anyone,” I snap. “She’s a person.” “What are you, a feminist or something?” Josh guffaws. “Yeah. I’m a feminist,” I say

sarcastically, shaking my head. “You’re an idiot.” “I’m not the one sleeping with the enemy,” Josh says ominously, his gaze landing on Ashley again. I’m about to explain that I’m not sleeping with Ashley, but I don’t bother. He’s not worth wasting my breath. Besides, judging by how pale Ashley’s face has become, I’d say the damage has

already been done. If I make a scene of pointing out that I’m not hooking up with her, it might do more harm than good. She’ll feel even more rejected than she already does. After how many times she’s rejected me, I should jump at the chance to get her back, but that’s never been my style. Plus, she looks so sad. I could never feel good about hurting her. When Josh leaves, I move closer

to Ashley. “You okay?” She peers up at me, her lips quivering a little. Prior to this month, I’d never seen her cry. Hell, I’d never seen her show any emotion at all. Well, except anger. Jealousy. Rage. But never raw emotion. Never sadness or fear. But in the last few weeks I’ve seen her cry. I’ve seen her sad. I’ve seen her scared. And it’s done something to me. It’s

opened up this part of myself that I’d closed off to her. It’s allowed her entry into my heart. I know I need to close it back up. To shove her out and never let her in. But I can’t. It’s too late. Sucking in a breath, she fights to maintain composure. “Thank you for stepping in. I know you didn’t have to do that.” “Hey.” I move even closer. So

close that our faces are mere inches apart. When she breathes out, warm air fans over my skin. “You didn’t deserve that.” She opens her mouth like she might say something else, but the bell rings, piercing through the air. She flinches, startled. Then her face smooths back out, and the Ashley I’ve known for years is back.

“We better get to class.” Her voice is hard, formal. “Yeah.” I nod, already missing the Ashley she was a few seconds ago. But I know when to cut my losses. With one last half grin, I hurry off down the hallway.

***

“So what’s the deal with you and Ashley?” Brady asks while we walk to lunch. “There’s no deal.” I knew the question was coming. In fact, I’d been gearing up for it all day. There was no way to avoid it after the scene I’d made this morning. “Oh, there’s a deal.” Brady nods emphatically. “You practically fought

Josh this morning to protect her, and then you two were standing so close I thought you might kiss.” “It’s not like that,” I say. “Then what is it like?” It’s a valid question. I’m not sure I have an answer though. “We’re friends, I guess.” “Friends?”

Brady

chuckles.

“You’re friends with Ashley McIntosh?”

I shrug. “She’s still visiting my grandpa, and sometimes we end up talking.” “You don’t think it’s weird that she visits with your grandpa?” Jameson asked me the same question, and I suppose deep down it does strike me as odd. “I don’t know. There’s definitely more to the story, but I don’t know what

it is.” Brady tosses me a knowing look. “I do.” He points his index finger at me. “It’s you, bro. She’s trying to weasel her way into your life.” I shake my head. “I don’t think that’s it.” “Trust me, dude. I see the way she looks at you. Chick wants to get with you. Why can’t you admit it?”

“Cause it’s not true,” I say. We round the corner, and I spot Ashley ambling toward me. My face warms, hoping she didn’t hear any of my conversation with Brady. “Hey,” she says when she gets within ear shot. “Hey,” I respond. She slows, her eyes crashing into mine. And I do feel something. But I

don’t know if it’s because there’s truly something between us or it’s simply because of Brady’s words. Regardless, I can barely breathe. But then she blinks and looks away, breaking the spell. When she walks past, she leaves a trail of perfume in her wake. “Yeah, she’s totally into you.” Brady whistles. I peer over my shoulder as

Ashley continues down the hallway. Is he right? Do I want him to be?

ASHLEY I stand at the edge of the fence, my fingers entwined in the metal as I watch the practice from afar. Usually I’d be sitting on the bleachers, front and center, hoping to be noticed. But not today. Being noticed is the last thing I want. I don’t even know what I’m doing here.

For the past several years, I’ve rarely missed a practice or game. But things have changed now. I’m not wanted here. And I should’ve stayed home. But it’s like I was drawn here by magnetic force. As if nothing could’ve stopped me from coming. But I know better than to march up to the bleachers and sit down like I have every right to be here. I’m not

dating anyone on the team. No one invited me here. I’m an unwelcome guest. And that’s why I hang back. Hayes is up to bat. I watch as he swaggers up to the plate, tossing out jokes. Even though I can’t hear his words, I know he’s joking around because of the collective laughs that spread across the field. Plus, it’s Hayes, and that’s what he does. He swings the

bat a few times before the ball is pitched to him. Then he hits it with such force I can hear it all the way over here. The ball shoots out into the field, and the outfielders scramble to get it. Not that I’m watching them. My gaze is fixated on Hayes as he rounds the bases. It’s crazy that I ever made fun of his physique. Nothing about him is laughable when he plays ball. He’s a

force, for sure. I can tell all of the guys think so too, by the fist bumps and words of congratulations they throw at him when he makes it to home. I watch until the practice ends and all of the players make their way off the field. Before senior year started, I’d been worried about how the Prairie Creek Panthers would fare without Cal or Christian. But after watching them

play tonight, it’s clear that my concern was unwarranted. They’re still the best team around, no doubt. After one last whiff of clean air and freshly cut grass, I release the fence and step away from it. Indentations from the metal coil around the skin on my fingers. The sky is darkening, and I pray it hides me as I make my way off the field. “Ashley!” A familiar voice calls

out, and I stiffen. Maybe

I

should’ve

started

praying a little sooner. “Were you gonna leave without saying hi?” Hayes stands in front of me, bat bag slung over his shoulder, a sheen of sweat across his forehead just below his crooked hat. I fight the urge to reach out and straighten it. When he and Talia were

dating, I remember asking her what the deal was with his hat always being askew, and she said it’s a left-hander thing. Whatever that means. “Did you want me to say hi?” I ask, dubious. “I came all the way out here, didn’t I?” At his sincere words, guilt punches me in the gut. “I didn’t mean it,”

I blurt out. Cocking his head, he furrows his brows. “Didn’t mean what?” “What I said to Talia about you,” I say. “I didn’t mean it.” When he doesn’t

respond,

I

add,

“You’re

definitely not fat.” “Well, I’m not thin.” He smiles. “But thanks.” I release the breath I’d been

holding, grateful that he’s being cool about it at least. “Is that why you came here? To tell me that?” He asks, the smile still on his face. “No. I came to watch baseball,” I say honestly, and then wonder why. He’s going to think I’m weird. What teenage

girl

spends

her

evenings

watching baseball practice with no

ulterior motive? His face grows serious. “Why do you like baseball so much?” I shrug, my lips tugging at the corners. “The tight pants, of course.” Hayes doesn’t smile. “I’m not asking for your typical ‘Ashley’ answer. I want the real reason.” Biting my lip, my stomach tightens. “That is the real answer,” I lie.

He shakes his head. “You’re not the shallow person everyone thinks you are. You can’t fool me. I see how you are with my grandpa. You make him smile more than anyone else.” My cheeks flame, and I shake my head in protest. But I want to believe him. “Seriously,” he insists. “You should see him after you visit. He’s over

the moon.” His words crack open my walls a little bit. “I like spending time with him. He’s pretty cool.” Behind Hayes the field is almost cleared out. The lights are still on, though, illuminating the shimmering sand and bright green grass. A flood of memories wash over me. “My grandpa used to play ball,” I say before I can stop myself. “I never saw him play,

obviously, but he used to take me to games all of the time.” My gaze darts to my feet, sadness swallowing me whole. “When he died, I started going to games by myself. Made me feel closer to him.” “So you do come to the baseball field for a guy. Just not a guy on the team.” Hayes winks, and I love that he lightens up the mood. “Pretty much,” I agree, offering

up a half smile. It’s odd talking about my grandpa to Hayes. Truth is, it’s odd being this real with someone, and it makes me uncomfortable. “Well, at least at first. Hooking up with the guys on the team is what keeps me comin’ back.” I don’t know why I say it. It’s like how little kids carry around their favorite blanket because it comforts them, makes them feel safe.

Hayes steps forward, shaking his head. “Stop it.” His eyes search mine. “You don’t have to pretend with me.” I squirm under the scrutiny of his gaze. My breath comes out more labored, my chest rising and falling with each breath. The longer he stares, the more aware I am of the way he makes me feel. Like I want to crawl out of my skin. Like I want to shed this image I’ve

spent so many years building. Panic seizes me. “I-I-better get going.” Stepping backward, I start to turn around. My shoes sink into the damp grass. “No. Please stay.” His fingers circle my wrist. I freeze. “What?” I breathe out. “Stay, Ashley.” His tone is so gentle it threatens to break me apart.

Swallowing hard, I peer over my shoulder at the pleading look on his face. “Why?” “I want to get to know you,” he says simply. I shake his arm off. “You do know me, Hayes. You’ve known me for years.” “I know the person you let the world see. But that person is entirely

different than the one you’ve let my grandpa see. And I suspect that my grandpa is one of the few people who know the real you.” His gaze catches mine. “Am I right?” Averting my gaze, I struggle to breathe evenly. “Henry doesn’t expect anything from me.” “I don’t either, Ash.” My head bounces up at his use of

my nickname. It’s familiar and intimate, and I realize that I crave that from him. Maybe more than I’ve ever craved it from anyone. And, frankly, it scares the shit out of me. Reaching forward, his knuckles graze my cheek. I should pull away. I need to. But I don’t want to. So I stay rooted in place, like a flower that’s recently been planted. Even when his

hand curves around my face and he steps in closer, I still don’t move. In fact, I have to remind myself to breathe. To allow air in and out of my lungs. As his lips near mine, I am heady with desire. But as warm breath fans over my mouth, reality slams into me. Throwing out my arms, I shove him back. “I-I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” He blinks, a resigned look

cloaking his face. Lowering his gaze, he nods. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have tried that. You’ve made it clear where we stand many times. I guess I just thought…” he waves away his own words. “Forget it.” His statement pierces my heart. Memories of all the times I rudely rejected him fill my mind. And now he thinks I’m doing the same thing again,

but I’m not. Not at all. “I want to kiss you,” I say swiftly. He stares at me, his eyes widening in shock. “It’s just that I don’t have anyone else,” I say in an attempt to explain my erratic behavior, but I’m not sure it’s working. His forehead knits together, and I can tell I’m only confusing him further.

“I’m at a loss. Not even jokes are comin’ to me at this point.” This elicits a tiny smile from me. “You’re the only person at school who’s been decent to me this year. No guys are interested anymore.” I sigh. “I guess I’m afraid if I kiss you that you’ll think it’s because you’re my only option.” “I’m not your only option,” he answers. “Trust me, most of the guys on

the team couldn’t care less about what’s happened between you and Talia. Or you and Josh. Or even you and Cal for that matter. Believe me, I can list off a lot of guys who would kiss you in an instant.” “Really?” His words lift my spirits. “Yeah,” he says quietly, his smile faltering. “So don’t worry, you don’t have to settle for me. You have plenty of

options.” Rubbing the back of his neck, he lets out a bitter laugh. “Seriously, I can’t even believe I fell for your act. Clearly, you’re just as self-centered as always. This thing with Talia is only a big deal to you and Talia. No one else cares. But you think the whole damn school is against you because of it. It’s all in your mind. In your big egotistical mind.”

That’s it. “Shut up.” I lunge at him, my arms wrapping around his neck. My lips crash into his, silencing his words. The force of my sudden actions cause Hayes’ bat bag to fall from his shoulder, and it lands on the grass by our feet with a thud. The bat inside clinks. But he doesn’t miss a beat. Without hesitation, his arms loop around my waist, gripping

me tightly. It feels good to be held, to feel safe and secure in his arms. Our chests press together, our heartbeats mingling. For the first time in weeks, I feel content, happy even.

HAYES I wasn’t expecting her to kiss me. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. It’s the most charged, electric kiss I’ve ever experienced. Not to mention that it’s Ashley. A girl I’ve dreamt of kissing for years. I assumed if we ever did kiss it would be some drunken mess she’d regret the next day.

And I thought I’d be the one making the first move. But this isn’t like that at all. She’s sober, and she knows what she’s doing. More than that, though, she wanted me. She chose to kiss me. The truth is, I don’t know if Ashley has other options. I haven’t talked to any of the guys about her. And

her reputation is pretty tarnished at this point. However, I know the guys on the team. I know them really well. Ashley’s hot and, therefore, I’m sure most guys would still hook up with her, regardless of her reputation. It makes me sick, actually. I doubt any of the guys on the team see Ashley as anything more than a hot chick. A piece of ass. They don’t see the person I see. A person with a heart.

A person with feelings, who deserves to be treated with respect. That’s why I told her what I did. I needed to make sure that she’d still want to kiss me even if other guys were waiting in the wings. It was a gamble, but it paid off. When our lips separate, I exhale. Our eyes meet. I wink. “So is this your usual tactic for getting someone to stop

talking?” She giggles, softly punching me in the upper arm. “You wish.” “I’ve definitely endured worse ways.” “I didn’t kiss you to shut you up,” she says. “I did it to prove a point.” “Oh yeah? What was that?” She pauses as if trying to decide whether or not to say what she’s

thinking. I practically hold my breath, praying she will. Praying she won’t close up on me again. “If every single guy on the baseball team was out here tonight and they all wanted to kiss me, it still would’ve been you. No question.” It’s more real than I thought she’d get, and it steals my breath. I stand completely still, trying to gather my bearings. A million things fly through my

mind, jokes I could make, responses I could give. But none of them seem to be enough. None of them seem fitting. So I say nothing at all. Instead, I reach out, wrap my arms around her and draw her close. When she nestles into me with a contented sigh, I know I’ve done the right thing. Reaching out, her fingers close around the fabric of my shirt, and

she grips it tightly. It causes a shiver to run up my spine. Her hair tumbles down my arm as I lightly stroke her back. Last summer, our neighbor’s son, Adam, was outside riding his bike one afternoon while I happened to be mowing the lawn. I had stopped to take a break and grab a sip of water when I heard a clatter, a tiny shriek. When I looked over, the boy was crumpled on

the ground, his bike tipped over by his side. Dropping my water bottle, I ran forward. My gaze frantically scoured his front yard for his parents. When I spotted his mom, she was running from the porch, holding her youngest child in her arms. “Hey, buddy.” I knelt beside Adam. “You okay?” He shook his head, his lips

quivering. “My arm hurts.” The minute I looked at it, I knew it was broken. I told his mom that he needed to get to the hospital. She nodded. “Let me go get his dad.” Adam started to cry, so I scooped him into my arms and held him close as we waited for his dad. Because that’s what you do when someone’s

broken or hurt. You hold them. You comfort them. And that’s what I’m doing now. Ashley’s just like Adam. She’s broken.

She’s

hurt.

Maybe

not

physically, but deep down inside, where it matters most.

***

I’m not sure where Ashley and I left things last night. After our kiss, I walked her to her car and said good night. I think a part of me was scared to ask her what happens

next.

Ashley

doesn’t

do

commitment. At least she hadn’t until Josh. And I know she’s kissed her share of guys. To her a kiss is a way to pass the time. It may not have meant anything to her.

But it meant something to me, and my gut tells me she feels the same way. Her kiss wasn’t the kiss of someone playing around or having fun. And if that were the case, I don’t think she would’ve allowed me to hold her afterward. Most likely she would’ve run away as fast as she could. However, I don’t want to wait

until I see her at school today to figure out where we stand. I need to know now. That’s why I drove to her house this morning before school. First, I grabbed her a latte. Just in case the kiss wasn’t enough to seal the deal. Also, I don’t think Ashley’s a morning person, so I plan to use all the help I can get. Coffee cup in hand, I make my way up to Ashley’s house. The air is

cool

against

my

skin,

causing

goosebumps to rise on the back of my neck. Reaching up with my free hand, I adjust my baseball cap, hoping to make it straight. I’m not sure who will answer the door. If it’s Ashley’s mom or dad, I’d like to look as non-threatening as possible. When I get to the front door, I take a deep breath before knocking. I only have to knock a few times

before the door is forcefully swung open. Ashley looks amazing. Well, she always looks amazing. But even more so this morning with her hair down and falling around her shoulders. Her eyes are bright, her lips shining. She wears a sundress that shows off her long, slender legs, and high heeled sandals that make her feet look sexy. Her lips form an O at the sight of

me, and I fight the urge to step forward and cover her mouth with mine. “Hayes?” She cocks her head to the side. “What are you doing here?” I hold out the coffee. “Thought you could use a pick-me-up.” She smiles. “Perfect timing too. We ran out of coffee yesterday, but Mom hasn’t made it to the store yet.” Her head swivels, her gaze flickering down the

hallway. “And she’s still in bed.” There is a darkness in her tone that reveals so much more than what she’s saying. But I don’t press it. Her fingers close around the cup. “Thank you.” Lifting it to her lips, she takes a sip. “You drove all the way over here to bring me this?” Her eyebrows raise as she lowers the cup. “That, and I thought I’d drive you to school.”

She presses her lips together. Again, all I can think about is kissing them. “But I kinda need my…car,” she responds so softly I can barely hear her. “Why do you need your…” It dawns on me before I can finish the sentence. I step forward, snatching up her free hand. “Ash, you don’t have to spend lunch period in your car.” “But…” her eyes shift back and

forth. “Where will I..?” “You’ll eat lunch with me.” She shakes her head vehemently. “No way.” I release her hand. “Ash?” Guilt appears on her face. “Oh, it’s not because I’m ashamed of you or anything.” She reaches for me, sliding her hand up my arm. “It’s just that I don’t think I can sit there with them, you

know?” My lips curl upward. A breeze kicks up, the scent of flowers making me want to sneeze. My eyes water and I fight against the urge. Ashley giggles, clearly noticing my discomfort. “I know. We have way too many flowers out here. Come on inside.” I

follow

her

in,

and

am

immediately impressed with her house. From the outside, I had mistakenly thought it was like all of the other houses in Prairie Creek, but I was wrong. It’s much larger inside with vaulted ceilings and crown molding. The floors are hardwood and slick. It’s clear that Dr. McIntosh got the best of everything when it came to his home. “Wow,” I breathe out, taking it

all in. “Your house is nice.” Ashley frowns, her shoulders falling and raising noncommittally. “It’s a house.” I gently grab her arm and guide her to me, careful not to make her spill her coffee. Then I press my lips to hers. “I understand you don’t want to sit at the baseball table, and that’s okay. We can sit wherever you want.”

She nods, kissing me one more time. “Does this mean you’ll ride with me?” I ask. “Yeah.” She smiles. “Let me go grab my backpack.” I watch her walk down the hallway. When she disappears, I glance around the family room. At our house, the walls are filled with family pictures.

One year my mom was obsessed with collages, and she made dozens of them. It’s kind of creepy how many pictures of my brother and I are all over the walls. But in here there aren’t any family portraits. Just artwork and shelves. Everything is so clean and neat, it’s almost as if no one lives here at all. Footsteps sound behind me, and I whirl around. A woman enters the room

wearing designer sweats, her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail. “Oh.” She clutches her chest. “I didn’t know we had company.” Ashley comes up behind her, eyes widening. “Mom, I’m sorry. I thought you were sleeping.” “I was. Now I’m up.” There is a hard edge to her voice that unnerves me. My mom never talks to me like that.

“Who is this?” She points at me like I’m an object, not a person. “This is Hayes. He’s a…a… friend of mine.” Ashley side-steps her mom and moves toward me. Her backpack is slung over her shoulder, and she clutches her coffee tightly in her hand. Clearly her mom’s presence agitates her. “What’s he doing here so early in

the morning?” Her mom asks. “He’s giving me a ride to school.” Ashley speaks in an irritated tone. “Is something wrong with your car?” Her mom glances out the front window. “No, Mom, my car is fine.” Ashley yanks on my sleeve. “Let’s go.” Her mom notes the gesture with a

tiny raise of her brow. “Oh, I see. Well, you two better get going.” And in that moment, I can tell her mom doesn’t like me. I try not to let it sting, but it does. And it’s obvious that it bothers Ashley. She attempts to act like it doesn’t, but her whole demeanor toward me has shifted since I first got here. When we head outside, she makes sure there is adequate distance between

us. And she doesn’t touch me at all on the drive to school. Not that I was expecting her to maul me or something, but she had been a little affectionate earlier. When we pull into the school parking lot, I wonder if this is how it’s going to be between us. Is Ashley going to let everyone else’s opinion about us dictate how she feels? If that’s the case, we might as well end

this right now.

ASHLEY Mom doesn’t approve. Not that I’m surprised. Hayes doesn’t exactly fit the bill. He’s not like the guys I usually date. It’s why I didn’t want her to meet him. Not yet anyway. Not until I was sure about us. Now it’s too late. I was beginning to like Hayes, but now all I can think about is the fact

that Mom doesn’t. I shouldn’t care what she thinks, but I do. I always have. As Hayes drives, I silently sip my latte and stare out the window, at the trees and clouds as they blur past. I know this town like the back of my hand. I know every in and out, every nook and cranny. And frankly, I’m bored. Tired of this whole place. I don’t have any big

plans after graduation. I’ve gotten okay grades, but not the best. Dad wants me to go to college, but I’m not sure I’ll be accepted to any of them. When I told Dad what I wanted to do, he scoffed at it. Told me it was stupid, so I never brought it up again. Perhaps I should go with Mom’s plan and marry my way into a good future. Glancing over at Hayes, I wonder what

his plans are. When he catches me staring, he turns his head. But I avert my gaze quickly, returning it to the window. When we arrive at school, Hayes finds a parking space near the back of the lot and slides his car into it. After he cuts the engine, I unbuckle myself and reach for the knob. Hayes drops his hand to my thigh, stopping me. “Ashley.”

I stiffen. His hand slips from my lap. “I’m sorry about just showing up this morning.” I crane my neck to look at him. “I meant what I said last night about wanting to get to know you. So if you just want to be friends, then that’s fine with me.” “You just want to be friends?” A teasing smirk spreads across

his face. “Do friends kiss?” My

lips

curl

upward

too.

“Friends with benefits do.” His grin fades. “That’s not what I want.” I’m stunned by his statement. What guy doesn’t want that? A physical relationship without strings. I thought that was every guy’s fantasy. “I’m not like the other guys you’ve…dated.” I cringe at how difficult it was for him to

come up with that word. But I totally get it. Guys don’t usually ‘date’ me. “I’m not like Cal who can just make out with any girl, regardless of how he feels about her. When I kiss a girl it’s because I like her. But I’m also not like Josh. I’ll never treat a girl like she’s my property or like she owes me something.” His gaze crashes into mine. “I like you, Ashley. And I’d like to see more of you. But I

don’t want to make you uncomfortable or force myself on you in any way. I know you’re vulnerable right now, and I’m not interested in taking advantage of that.” After that speech, it doesn’t matter to me what my mom thinks. My mom liked Josh and he never would’ve said something this kind to me. He never would’ve treated me with honor and respect like Hayes just did.

“So, it’s your call. What do you say, Ashley?” Hayes lifts his brows. I

hesitate

for

a

moment,

contemplating my next move. And then I realize this is exactly what I don’t want to do anymore. I don’t want to calculate my moves. I don’t want to weigh all my options. This isn’t a game. It’s a relationship with a real live person. Leaning forward, I place my mouth over

his and press down firmly. It’s heaven when his lips move beneath mine, when his fingers lightly touch my skin. The way he makes me feel is puzzling. Before now, I never dreamt of kissing Hayes. I never wanted to. But now that I have, I can’t imagine anything better. When our lips fuse, magic happens. Maybe it’s because I’d never imagined it. I’d never built it up in my mind. In the

past, I’d fantasize about kissing a guy for months before actually doing it, and then when we’d finally kiss it would be anticlimactic. It never lived up to my expectation. But kissing Hayes exceeds my expectations. When our lips part, I lean back and stare into his eyes. “I could go for that answer.” Hayes winks, and I giggle. “You have a

beautiful laugh. Has anyone ever told you that?” I shake my head. “Never.” “Well, now you know.” He swipes a hand over my chin. After we get out of his car, I spot Talia and her friends a few cars away. Josh and Nolan are down in the next aisle. My heart hammers in my chest. I know what they’ll think if they see

Hayes and me together. They’ll think this is a game. They’ll think I’m using him to get back at them. Panic chokes me. A warm hand folds around mine, and my head bobs up. Hayes smiles at me. I clutch his hand tightly, grateful for the support. “It’s okay, Ash.” He squeezes my palm. “I’ve got ya.”

I want to rest in his words, to enjoy the comfort of them. But I know it’s only temporary. So I hold him in place. “Hayes, people are gonna talk. They’re gonna say things about me. About us. About why I’m with you.” “Why are you with me?” “I don’t know, honestly. I never thought…” Man, this is not what I should be saying. Why am I so damn honest

with this guy? “I guess I feel a connection with you. It’s strange. I wasn’t expecting it.” When I peer up at him, I stare deeply into his eyes. Into his dark, genuine eyes. “I like you, Hayes.” “Then

I

don’t

care

what

everyone else says.” Stepping forward, he stamps a kiss on my forehead, and the fear I felt a moment ago disappears.

HAYES “Dude, seriously. Why have you been holding out on me?” Brady intercepts me on the way to lunch. I’m supposed to be meeting Ashley in front of her class, and I don’t want to be late. “What are you talking about?” I keep walking, but Brady picks up the pace, keeping in step with me.

“I knew you were into Ashley, man.” “I wasn’t, actually,” I answer, rounding the corner swiftly. “Why are you walking so damn fast?” “I’m meeting Ashley,” I say, afraid that if I show up late she’ll think I’m standing her up. She’s overly sensitive right now, and the last thing I

want to do is set her off. Brady busts out into laughter. “Oh, okay, man. Yeah, you’re not into her at all.” Irritation bubbles inside of me. “I didn’t say I wasn’t into her now. Just that I wasn’t into her before.” I spot Ashley standing in front of her classroom. She’s leaning against the wall, her gaze nervously darting around

the hallway. When she sees me, the corners of her mouth lift, and she pushes off the wall. The Ashley I used to know never would’ve seemed so openly happy to see me, and her reaction causes my heart to soar. I feel Brady’s gaze following mine, and he whistles. “Whatever you say, man.” His hand clamps down on my shoulder. “Good luck with that one.”

“She’s changed,” I answer. “For your sake, I hope she has.” He glances over at her, then raises his eyebrows. “And if not, well, at least enjoy her while you can.” Leaning over he whispers, “I mean, no matter what, she’s still hot as hell.” I punch him in the shoulder. “That’s not why I’m with her.” “It’s not?” He furrows his

brows. “Seems like a legit reason to me.” Shoving him away, I laugh. “Get outta here.” “Fine.” He nods his head in Ashley’s direction. “Have fun.” When he leaves, I walk over to Ashley. “I was starting to think you might not show,”

she

says,

once

again

surprising me with how vulnerable she’s being. The old Ashley never would’ve admitted that. In fact, the old Ashley would never have waited for me. She’d have taken off the minute I was late, and never given me the time of day again. “Sorry,” I mumble, reaching for her hand. “I got out of class late, and then Brady wouldn’t leave me alone.” “I bet your friends are pretty

shocked, huh?” Her gaze drops to the floor. “They’re probably all wondering what you’re doing with me.” “Um…I think they’re actually surprised that you’re with me.” From the corner of my eye, I catch some curious onlookers. One of them is Emmy, but I ignore her. Still the thought of her makes my stomach twist, and then I’m reminded of why Ashley is feeling so insecure. If

this were last year, the entire school would be whispering about the absurdity of Ashley slumming it with me. At least that’s what happened when I was with Talia. But now it’s the opposite. Everyone is wondering why I’m dating the school pariah. The dethroned queen bee. The girl who’s chewed up and spit out just about everyone at this school. But that’s because they don’t

know Ashley the way I do. I’m hoping one day they will. “Am I?” She asks softly. “Are you what?” “Am I with you?” Her words stop me cold. They echo in the cleared out hallway.

She

must sense

my

trepidation, because she adds, “I mean, are we together-together?” Ashley’s

known

for

casual

relationships. I can count on one hand the guys she’s actually been togethertogether with. And I don’t know that I have enough fingers and toes to count the guys she’s hooked up with. So you can imagine my surprise at her wanting to define our relationship after only one kiss. But it also solidifies what I already know to be true about her. She’s different. She’s lost. She’s insecure. And

right now she needs someone she can count on. It may be a mistake. And it may be something I regret in the long run, but I want to be that guy. I step closer to her until her back is flush against the wall. Then I place both hands on either side of her face, caging her in. It’s euphoric, hovering over her like this, knowing that she wants me. I never thought this day would

come. “Do you want to be with me, Ash?” She smiles. “I do.” “Then I guess we’re togethertogether,” I say, using her phrase. “We’re double together.” I wink. “Double trouble,” she adds. “Oh really?” Leaning over, I press a light kiss on her lips. I know that’s all I can do here. The teachers

don’t tolerate much PDA, and we are still in the hallway. But I like knowing I can kiss her when I want. That she won’t pull away. I guess in some ways the kiss is a test. And she passes with flying colors. Tugging her forward, I say, “You lead the way, Ash.” She stops, peering up at me pensively. “It’s funny. Everyone calls me Ash. I used to hate it. I would picture a

dirty ashtray or a fireplace. It sounded gross. Ashley reminds me of someone pretty and popular, but Ash sounds stupid.” The more she talks, the more I wish I hadn’t called her Ash. My face warms. “But when you say it, it sounds pretty for the first time ever. How do you do that?” The embarrassment leaves me instantly like a light being turned on. It’s

that fast. That instant. Her words still have the power to destroy me. When I thought she was going to tell me not to call her Ash, I started to feel small, the same way I did when she rejected me or called me fat. As I stare into those impossibly large eyes of hers, I wonder how real this thing between us is. She could be using me to get back at Talia. Or Josh. Or any number of guys. And

really, are my feelings for her any more pure? Seconds ago, I was relishing in the fact that she wanted me. That she needed me. That she felt insecure. What kind of guy feels happy about a girl being insecure and needy? Is my attraction to Ashley merely a fulfillment of fantasy? “Hayes?” She scrunches up her face in a perplexed look.

Oh, man. How long have I been standing here thinking? “Um…yeah. Just waiting to hear where you want to eat lunch.” Nice save, dude. “I know you don’t want to sit at the baseball table, so how about we go out to the quad.” “With the losers? No, thanks.” She wrinkles up her nose in disgust, and just like that, the former Ashley’s back. “O-kay,” I say, dragging out the

‘O’. Her face falls. “I’m sorry. It’s just….I’ve always….you know. That’s what I’ve always thought. That the losers sit in the quad.” Pink rises in her cheeks. “But I guess even bigger losers eat in their cars.” “We can sit wherever you want,” I prompt her. She nods. A teacher steps out of

the nearest classroom. He eyes us. “You two need to get to lunch.” “We are,” I say quickly, guiding Ashley forward. We step outside, the sun momentarily blinding us. White spots fill my vision as we stumble forward. “I guess it’s not so bad out here,” Ashley says. “There’s a table open.” She points to a wooden table under a tree. It appears rickety, and I’m surprised she

chose it, especially after her statement in the hallway. But I do my best to forget that. Seeing her former self surface so easily made me wonder again if this new Ashley is nothing more than act, and the old Ashley is just hiding inside waiting to make her grand re-entrance. But another part of me suspects that Ashley is changing. And changing takes time. Of course she will sometimes waffle

between the way she’s always been and this new, more enlightened version of herself. We have to sit on opposite benches so the table will stay even and not fall over. Still, it continually creaks and moans beneath us at the slightest movement. It’s clear why no one else was sitting here. “Are you sure this is okay?” I

ask in response to her facial expressions revealing her discomfort. “Maybe we should just sit on the ground,” she offers. I nod, and we carefully get up. Before we can sit under a nearby tree, I hold out a hand to stop Ashley. “Hold on a minute,” I say. After opening up my backpack, I pull out my jacket and place it on the ground. “The

grass looks a little damp, and I’d hate for you to get your cute sundress all wet.” She smiles. “Aww, thank you. That’s really sweet.” She sits down daintily on the jacket, and I plunk down next to her on the grass. “No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.” “That’s because no one else is as awesome as me.” I wink.

“I think I’m seeing that.” Her eyes sparkle. Reaching into my backpack, I pull out my lunch bag. Once I’ve set it in front of me, I wait for Ashley to get out her lunch. But she doesn’t. She merely sits on my jacket, staring off in the distance. “Ash? Are you gonna eat?” “Oh.” She fidgets agitatedly.

“Um…I

sorta

forgot

my

lunch.”

Something about her demeanor is off, but I can’t figure out why. I’ve been to her house. I know she has money. Her dad’s a doctor for goodness sake. But I can tell there’s more to this story. Grabbing out my sandwich, I hand her half. “No.” She shakes her head. “I’m fine.” Reaching down, she slides her

palm down her taut stomach. “I’ve gotta keep my figure.” “C’mon. I won’t take no for an answer. I wanna eat, and my mom would kill me if she found out I ate in front of a girl who wasn’t eating.” Ashley

sighs,

reluctantly

reaching for the sandwich. “Fine, but it better not be full of mayonnaise or some crap like that.”

Again she sounds like her old self, but I’m starting to see the pattern here, so I figure it’s more of a defense mechanism. “It’s not,” I assure her. “I’m a mustard guy.” When she wrinkles her nose, I chuckle. “Just eat it.” With a huff, she takes a bite. Then she wipes at the corners of her mouth. After swallowing she says, “How’s Henry?”

My stomach twists thinking about grandpa. “He’s doing well.” She cocks her head to the side. “Then why do you look so pained when you say that?” “It’s just that scrimmages start this week and games start pretty soon. Gramps is still recovering, so he can’t go to them. And it’s weird, you know? He’s usually at most of my games.”

“I can bring him if that helps. Assist him or whatever.” “I wish, but for right now he can’t really go anywhere. Not until he’s fully recovered.” “Oh.” She glances down at her lap. “But you’ll still be there, right?” I ask. “I mean, it won’t be too hard for you, will it?”

Her head bounces up. “Why? Because of Josh?” Her eyes narrow as if she’s pondering it. “I mean, I guess it will be a little bit.” This gives me pause. “You really cared about him, didn’t you?” She shrugs, and I see the walls flying up between us. “I don’t know.” Her voice takes on that hard edge again. “You don’t have to do this with

me. You can tell me the truth.” She blows out a breath and tucks an errant strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah.” Her voice is soft, almost embarrassed. “I guess I did care about him. I mean, he’s not a jerk all the time. And we were together for awhile. I know everyone thought it was all a game or whatever. And at first I think it was, but he kinda grew on me.” She averts her

gaze. “A part of me even started to think that maybe it would turn into something real. What an idiot, huh?” “No.” Reaching out, I snatch up her free hand and lace our fingers together. “He’s the idiot.” She

blinks,

her

eyelashes

fluttering, and I’m taken by how stunning she is. “I don’t even need to ask if you cared about Talia. It was obvious that

you were totally into her.” There is a sour note in her voice that turns my stomach. “If it makes you feel any better, I liked you first.” A broad smile sweeps her face. “If only I’d wised up sooner, huh?” “I’m actually glad you didn’t,” I say honestly. “I feel like this is the right time for us.”

Her gaze floats over to where Emmy and Taylor sit on a nearby bench. Emmy is eyeing us in a not-so-subtle way. “I don’t think everyone agrees with you,” Ashely says sullenly. “Hey.” I tuck my finger under her chin and turn her face toward mine. “Don’t worry about what other people think.”

“That’s hard for me.” The truth in her statement slices through me. “I know it is. But you’ll never be happy. Hell, you’ll never be free if you can’t learn how to live for yourself and not others.”

***

Emmy intercepts me as I head to class

after lunch. She blocks my path in the hallway, a stern expression on her face. “You and Ashley, huh?” She doesn’t sound pleased. I’m not sure how to respond. Ashley hurt Emmy. And I don’t blame Emmy at all for not liking Ashley. So, instead of trying to say something in my defense, I simply nod. She shakes her head. “I can’t

believe it.” Emmy is authentic and real, and I want to be that way with her too. “Honestly, neither can I.” “Hayes,” Emmy speaks gently, moving in closer. Students whip past us, some not seeming to notice us at all, while others peer over. “You’ve always been a super nice guy. And you’ve always struck me as a straight shooter,

and that’s why I’m saying this, okay?” She pauses. “You know that you’re just a pawn in Ashley’s game, right?” “Emmy,” I start, but she cuts me off by holding up her hand. “I mean, if you know it and you’re okay with it, then far be it for me to judge. But if you think this is going to turn into something real, like if you really like her, then you need to walk

away now with your pride still intact.” I want to be irritated with her, but I’m not. She thinks she’s helping me. As mean as what she’s saying sounds, it’s actually sweet. And if this were last year, I’d agree with her. But it’s not last year, and things have changed. “Is my pride still intact?” I joke, glancing down at my clothes and back. “Where is it? I wanna see.”

Emmy chuckles. “Man, that was a cheesy one. Your jokes have gone downhill. Good thing my brother’s not around to see this.” I smile. “Yeah. Cal was pretty brutal with me when my jokes sucked.” Her face sobers up. The halls are starting to clear out. “Just promise me you’ll be careful. Ashley’s hurt a lot of guys, and I don’t want you to be one of

them.” I clutch my chest. “Aww, you’re making me all teary.” She shoves me in the shoulder. “Shut up.” Glancing around, I say, “We better get going or we’ll be late for class.” “Yeah,” She says, as I back away from her. “You sure you know what

you’re doing?” I shrug. “I know it’s early in the year, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got my schedule down.” She rolls her eyes. “I didn’t mean right this minute. I meant with Ashley.” “Yes, I know what I’m doing.” I wave. “Now get to class.” Giggling, she whirls around and

hurries down the hallway. When I head in the opposite direction, the bell peals. Crap. I’m late. As I race toward my class, I mull over Emmy’s words, and I pray that she’s wrong about Ashley.

ASHLEY This time I don’t have to stand at the edge of the field. Instead, I’m sitting in the front row of the bleachers, cheering Hayes on during his scrimmage. I was a little hesitant to come out today. Hayes talked me into it. It’s not that I didn’t want to watch him play, but people are slow to accept our relationship. Pretty

sure everyone thinks I’m using Hayes. Which makes sense, and it’s what I deserve, but it still hurts. Plus, I’m worried that the more people talk about it, the more Hayes will think it’s true. I can already tell that deep down he has trouble trusting me. Not that I blame him at all. However, I worry that one day it will be the reason he breaks it off with me.

We’ve only been seeing each other a short time, but I already really like him. When Hayes is up to bat, I scoot forward and watch intently. There aren’t many people here, only a few parents. Hayes’ mom had to work and Henry’s at home

recovering.

It’s

how

Hayes

swayed me. He made me feel sorry for him. It still stuns me that he has the

ability to do that. Sympathy isn’t something that comes easily to me. Before Hayes I often wondered if that part of me was missing. Prior to dating Hayes I always liked watching him hit. He doesn’t have nice form or anything, but the force in which he smacks the ball is amazing. Also, I like how intent he appears. Hayes is such a jokester that it’s rare to

see him so serious. At least that’s what I used to think, but lately I’ve been seeing his serious side more and more. Talia used to complain that Hayes was never real with her. That he was always sarcastic and teasing, but I haven’t noticed that with me. That little revelation lifts my spirits. Sometimes I worry that Hayes isn’t over Talia. He liked her so much,

and it wasn’t that long ago that they broke up. I could be his rebound girl, and that makes my stomach hurt. When Hayes hits the ball it shoots into the outfield, soaring over everyone’s heads. I clap and scream. His gaze finds mine as he runs the bases, and he throws me a wink. My entire body warms from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. When I was dating Josh

he warned me to keep it down when I watched his games. In fact, if I yelled his name or hollered for him during a game he would get angry with me. Cal and Chris both relished when their girlfriends cheered them on, and it made me wonder why Josh didn’t feel the same way about me. I’d gone out with most of the guys on this team and none of them had

ever looked at me while out in the field like Hayes did. It makes me feel special. Worthy. Maybe for the first time in my life. “I see your plan worked,” Talia’s voice cuts into my thoughts. She slides on the bench next to me. I scoot away from her without saying a word. I’ll give her a taste of her own medicine. Show her what it’s like to be ignored. “You

couldn’t stand not being a part of the Panthers little fan club, could you?” I bite my tongue to keep from responding and keep my eyes trained on the field. Hayes rounds into home, and his gaze flickers over to me. When he sees Talia, his eyebrows knit together. But I smile at him, hoping to appear brave and strong. He doesn’t need to be worrying about me. He needs to focus on

the game. “You must be really desperate, though, if you’re slummin’ it with Hayes.” It’s the last straw. “I’m not slumming’ it. Hayes is a great guy.” She stands and claps. My face flames as I glance around, wondering what the hell she’s doing. “Bravo. Man, you are good.”

I shush. “Sit down. What the hell is wrong with you?” She does as she’s told, but she’s still wearing an amused grin. “Since when are you embarrassed to be the center of attention? I thought you craved that.” “You don’t know me anymore, Talia,” I speak through gritted teeth. A breeze

whisks

over

us,

carrying the scent of freshly mowed grass. Annoyance bubbles inside of me over the fact that Talia is tainting this experience. I wish she’d leave me the hell alone. The Panthers take the field, and my gaze focuses on Hayes. “Oh, I know you, Ash. I know you better than anyone. And that’s why I know exactly what you’re doing.” She smiles wickedly. “You’re so transparent.

I can’t believe he’s falling for it. I mean, you’ve hooked up with like every guy out there. How could he not know he’s just another notch on your belt?” “It’s not like that.” “You may have Hayes fooled, but you’ll never fool me.” I’m tired of this conversation. Sighing, I run my fingers through my silky hair. It smells like vanilla. “What

are you even doing here, Talia?” “Josh invited me.” My pulse sings beneath my flesh. “What? Why? Are you two together?” The

triumphant

smile

that

spreads across her face betrays that I walked right into her trap. “For being so into Hayes, you seem to care a lot about who Josh is seeing.” Blowing out a breath, I stare out

at the field. “I honestly don’t care who Josh is seeing. I was just surprised, that’s all.” “Well, we’re not together. I’m not interested in your leftovers, Ashley.” I snort. “Then why’d you kiss Josh?” “He wasn’t your leftover at the time. He was still your main course.” She stands. “Have fun with my leftovers

though.” Anger pulsates through my body as she stalks off. It takes all my willpower not to stand up and grab Talia by the hair. But getting in a catfight during the Panthers first fall scrimmage would be about the worst thing I could do right now. It would confirm what everyone thinks of me. And I won’t do that.

I especially won’t do that to Hayes. He’s gone out on a limb for me, and I don’t want to let him down. For once in my life, I’ll be someone to count on. Luckily, Talia doesn’t return for the remainder of the scrimmage, so I’m assuming she showed up simply to mess with me. Rattle my cage a bit. I wish it hadn’t worked so well. The remainder

of the game her words knock around in my head like a never-ending game of pinball. I always hated pinball. I had a boyfriend in junior high that loved to go to the arcade and play it. Most annoying game ever, in my opinion. And so are Talia’s words. As hard as I try to act happy and nonchalant, I can’t shake this sense of dread.

After the game, I sit and wait for Hayes.

The

recognize

few

climb

parents down

I from

don’t the

bleachers and head to the parking lot. It’s weird now that Cal and Chris have graduated. Usually Emmy and her dad would be here, and Christian’s mom would sit at the top smelling of incense, her bracelets tinkling. Speaking of which, it’s odd that Josh’s dad missed

the scrimmage. He rarely misses these things. Perhaps he’s on a date with Mrs. Alcott. I’ve heard things have gotten pretty hot and heavy with them lately. When Josh and I were together, I learned to keep my mouth shut about it because the subject used to set him off. But now I’m curious. Hayes finds me on the bleachers. He drops his bat bag on the bench.

“How did we do?” he asks. “You played great as always,” I say honestly. “But some of the other guys could use some work. I mean, I hate to say it, but Chase is no Cal.” Hayes’ face is grim. “Yeah, I know. I’m hoping he improves. At least it’s only the fall season. We have time to get it together by spring.” Once I stand up, Hayes wraps his arms around my

waist and grins. “But you thought I was great, huh?” I nod. “Like always.” “I’m surprised you noticed how I played before tonight.” “Of course I did. A person would have to be blind to not see how good you are.” He kisses me on the nose. It’s cute and corny, and one of the sweetest

gestures ever. His gaze travels over my shoulder to the empty bleachers, and darkness flashes in his eyes. “You miss him, huh?” I ask. “It’s weird not having him here.” He pulls me closer. “You know, he was the one who taught me to play ball.” “Really?” My brows lift. “Your dad didn’t teach you?” His expression hardens. “No. My

dad didn’t teach me much of anything, other than how to be a jerk.” “I’m sorry.” “It’s okay. Not your fault.” Josh and Chase emerge from the dugout and walk past us. Josh glances over with a smirk. “Man, you just can’t help yourself, huh, Ashley? Can’t stay away from us baseball players.” Hayes stiffens, his grip on me

loosening. Josh and Chase walk off laughing. When I feel Hayes pulling away, I grab onto him and yank him back. “What an ass,” I mutter under my breath. “He is an ass,” Hayes agrees. “But is there any truth to what he said?” It’s a valid question. One I wish he didn’t need to ask. “It’s true that I’ve

gone out with a lot of the guys on the team. And you know why I love baseball. You’re the only guy on the team that knows the real reason, actually. So I’d be lying if I said that I don’t want an excuse to come out to games. It was really hard for me when I wasn’t welcome here.” I swallow hard, every word difficult. As much as I love being with Hayes, there’s a part of me that

struggles. I’m not used to being exposed like this. It’s like every time we’re together I’m peeling back layers of myself and spreading them out for him to see. On the one hand, it’s nice not to have to pretend. That was exhausting. But in some ways this is exhausting too, just in a different way. “If you’re asking if I’m dating you just to be a part of the Panthers again, the answer is no. But do

I see it as a perk? Yeah. Sure, I do.” “Well, I can definitely live with being a perk,” Hayes says. “Better than being a prick, huh?” I joke. Hayes’ eyes widen, and he bursts into laughter. “Oh, man, with a mouth like that you could totally hang out with the guys.” It’s meant as a joke, but it hits me

the wrong way. My entire body goes numb, my heart hammering in my ears. Hayes senses my shifting mood, and he stops laughing. Staring at my face, I can see understanding wash over him. “Oh, no, Ash, I didn’t mean it like that. Your joke was really funny. That’s what I was trying to say.” He’s so innocent. So pure.

Maybe this is a mistake. “How many girls have you been with Hayes?” I ask abruptly. His face immediately turns red, and I have my answer. I know he and Talia never had sex, and I kind of suspected that he was a virgin. Shaking my head, I slip out from under his grip and back away from him. “This probably isn’t a good idea.” “What? Just because I haven’t

been with anyone else? Is it really that important to you that I have experience?” Coldness seeps into his tone. “That’s not what this is about,” I say. “Then what is it about?” “Hayes, do you have any idea how many guys I’ve been with? So many that I don’t wanna say. And most of them are your friends.” Not wishing to see the

disgust written on his face, my gaze darts to the grass. I study each forest green blade as if it’s going to do something interesting. “I could turn into a totally different person. Hell, I could become sweet and kind like Emmy Fisher. But I can’t take back the things that I’ve done. I can’t erase all the guys I’ve been with. And one day you’re gonna realize that you can’t do this. That you’re not okay

with being with someone like me. So it’s probably best if we just end it now.” “Yeah, that might be best,” Hayes says, surprising me. “But it’s not what I want.” He bridges the gap between us and tugs me toward him. “Ash, I’ve known you for years. Your past isn’t a shock to me. Yet, for some crazy reason, I still wanna go out with you.” He chuckles. “I know you’re used to calling

the shots, but I am the guy, and I’d like to take the lead on this one.” His words send shivers down my spine. I’m used to going out with control freaks. Hayes isn’t one. In fact, he’s known as kind of a pushover. So seeing him take control is a total turn on. “Okay,” I say with a grin. His arms slide around my waist, his face coming closer. “You may have

kissed a lot of guys, Ash, but I guarantee you haven’t had a kiss like this one.” Reaching out, I slide my palms up his chest as his lips gently brush over mine. Lightly. Once. Twice. Then his lips press down more firmly, first his top one, then his bottom. His tongue darts out, softly licking along every ridge and nuance of my mouth. I think he’ll part my lips, but he doesn’t. His tongue retreats, his lips

drawing back from mine. I clutch his shirt in my fingers and wait. Every fiber in my being wants to tug his lips back onto mine, but I told him I’d let him take the lead, so I will. Besides, I like it. His lips near mine again, hot breath fanning my face. But this time instead of his mouth covering mine, he nips at my bottom lip with the edges of his teeth in a playful way. In my

experience, kisses aren’t fun or playful. Don’t get me wrong. I like kissing. Hell, I’ve done it enough times. But my kisses are usually calculated, planned. They’re for a purpose. Kissing Hayes isn’t like that. When I kiss Hayes, it’s simply because I want to. And from the looks of things, I’d say that’s his only agenda as well. He releases my bottom lip, and

his mouth firmly plants over mine. This time his tongue teases open the seam of my lips and darts into my mouth. It swirls over my tongue and teeth, sweeps the roof of my mouth. His hands travel up my spine and neck until his fingers tangle in my hair. My hands roam his chest, feeling his muscles through his shirt. I’m surprised at how muscular and taut his chest is. He’s a bigger guy, but

there isn’t much fat on his body. Shame washes over me as I once again remember the mean things I’ve said about him. But I shove the thoughts aside, focusing only on this moment. If Hayes can forget about my past and move on, then I will try to do the same.

HAYES “Dinner with the fam. Pretty big step, bro,” Jameson’s voice floats through my cell phone. I adjust the bat bag on my shoulder. A few of the guys on the team wave in my direction as they head off the field after practice. A cool breeze blows over my sweat-soaked skin. “It’s not that

big a deal.” “You’ve only been going out a couple weeks. Don’t you think you’re moving a little fast?” When I step off the grass, my feet clomp on the pavement. “She’s been around the family before. Gramps is one of the main reasons we’re together.” “Yeah, I guess…” Jameson’s voice trails off.

I stop walking. “Why don’t you say what you called to say, Jameson?” “Dude, this is Ashley McIntosh we’re talking about.” “I’m aware of who I’m dating, big brother.” “Are you?” The hair on the back of my neck prickles. A few of the guys have reached their cars, and engines rumble into the

night. “What’s that supposed to mean.” “It’s just that the girl you talk about sounds nothing like the Ashley McIntosh I remember from Prairie Creek High.” “I

know,”

I

say,

stepping

forward. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. She’s changed.” “This

huge

transformation

happened after her boyfriend made out

with your girlfriend?” He pauses. “And now you two are together.” My stomach twists. “I know it seems suspicious.” “Damn right it does.” “But it’s not, okay? I mean, yeah, I think that event bonded us in some weird way. But Ashley really likes me. I’m sure of it. And I like her. End of story.” When I reach my car, I unlock the

passenger side door. Then I press the phone to my ear with my shoulder and toss my bat bag inside. “Fair enough. I’ll back off. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again. You’re barely getting over what Talia did to you.” I soften at his words. “I’ll be fine.” There’s no way I can tell him I won’t get hurt, because I don’t know.

Relationships are a gamble. After closing the passenger door, I make my way to the driver’s side. “I still think you’re moving too fast though.” Groaning, I shake my head. “It’s dinner with the family, bro. No biggie. Ashley’s been around my family plenty already. She visited Gramps in the hospital all the time, and that was before

we were together.” “Don’t even get me started on how weird I think that is,” Jameson mutters. “But I wasn’t talking about dinner. I was talking about you and how you always jump in with both feet when you start dating someone. Just remember it’s your senior year. You don’t want to get tied down this year. Colleges are crawling with Ashleys. Trust me.”

I lean my back against the car and stare up at the sky. “I’m not going away to college, remember?” “You’re sticking with your junior college plan, huh?” It’s like a punch to the gut. “It’s not a plan,” I speak through gritted teeth. “It’s reality. I don’t have the grades to get into a college. My only prayer is junior college at this point.”

“I just don’t want to see you sell yourself short.” It’s so easy for Jameson to say these things. College was never a question for him. It was a given. He’s a straight A student and a hell of a ball player. I’m an average student and good ball player, but not the best. It’s a wonder I don’t hate the guy. Then again, it would be impossible to. Jameson is

not only one of the smartest, most talented guys I know, but he’s also the most charming. Everyone likes him. “I’m not,” I assure him. “All right. Well, I better let you go home to the family dinner. Give Mom and Gramps a hug for me.” “Will do.”

***

While I’m helping Mom with dishes after dinner, Ashley sits in the family room regaling Grandpa with all the details of our last scrimmage. My lips twitch at the edges as I listen to her. She gets most of it right, but the things she gets wrong are cute. Still, I love that she’s doing this for him. That she’s trying to make him feel as if he was

there. When she and I are together, there are times where the old Ashley pops up, but when she’s with Grandpa, there are no traces of that girl. She’s sweet and innocent, childlike almost. “She makes him happy, huh?” I say to Mom when she notices me watching them. Mom smiles. “It seems like it’s a two-way street.”

I nod. Grandpa fills a void in Ashley’s life, that’s obvious. I like to think that I do that for Ashley too, but I can’t be sure. With Grandpa it’s clear. Turning my attention away from the family room, I stick a plate in the dishwasher.

“I

talked

to

Jameson

earlier.” “Oh, yeah? How’s he doing?” Mom wipes down a chrome pot. Water

slides down her arm. “Good.” I glance back toward Grandpa and Ashley. “Mom, do you think I’m making a mistake?” “With Ashley, you mean?” she whispers, careful to make sure they can’t hear. But I know they can’t. They’re deep in their own conversation. As if on cue, Ashley’s giggle wafts into the kitchen.

I nod. Mom bites her lip, thinking. “At first I was skeptical, but watching her tonight, I can tell that she really likes you.” “Really?” “Don’t seem so surprised.” Mom pats my cheek. “You’re a catch.” I snort, shaking my head. “What?”

Mom’s

lips

curl

upward at the corners. “I’m serious.” “I know you are.” Mom is my biggest fan. She’s made up for the fact that my dad’s been pretty much MIA. My mind travels to Ashley’s dad and the one time I met him at the hospital. That day I remember thinking how Ashley and I were similar, but the more time I spend with her, the more I realize that wasn’t a fair comparison. Sure, we both have

distant dads, but I have an involved mom. She doesn’t. Not that she talks about her mom much, but I’ve known her mom for years. That woman has issues. I fill up the remainder of the dishwasher and then slam it closed with my hip. “Thanks for dinner, Mom.” Leaning over, I stamp a quick kiss on Mom’s cheek. She smiles. “Any time.” Mom

works long hours at the hospital, but somehow she manages to still cook amazing meals and keep the house up. And she never appears frazzled or spread too thin. I don’t know how she does it. When I enter the family room, Ashley and Grandpa both look up. At Ashley’s large grin, my heart soars. Grandpa looks between the two of us, an

amused smile on his face. “I’m about to watch one of my shows,” Grandpa says, throwing me a knowing look. I nod, silently thanking him. It’s not that I don’t love spending time with my grandpa, but I was hoping for some alone time with Ashley. “Wanna go sit outside?” I ask her.

“Sure.” She stands up and then glides over to Grandpa. Bending over, she gives him a hug. “I’ll talk to you later.” “Sure thing, pretty lady,” he says. Straightening

back

up,

she

ambles over to me. Tonight she’s wearing a pink sundress and gold sandals. Her hair is straight and swishes over her shoulders as she walks. I

swallow hard, drinking her in. The longer I stare at her, the more I doubt Jameson’s statement. There’s no way that colleges are crawling with Ashleys. She’s one of a kind. Even when she was mean, I still couldn’t help but be attracted to her. She’s that good-looking. So good-looking you can overlook a lot. But now that she’s softened, she’s irresistible.

Outside the air is cool, but not too cool. There is still some warmth on the gentle breeze. We make our way over the steps and sit down on the top one. We don’t have a porch swing or pretty white wicker chairs like so many of our neighbors, but that’s okay. The stairs work fine. Besides, when I sit next to Ashley on the step our thighs brush, and that’s way better than being in separate

chairs. The porch lights illuminate her smooth, pale skin, taking my breath away. “You’re gorgeous,” I breathe out. Her

head

swivels

in

my

direction, and she smiles. “Thanks.” “But I’m sure you hear that all the time,” I say feeling kind of stupid for stating something so obvious.

She

furrows

her

brows.

“Actually, I don’t.” I shake my head. “Now I know you’re messing with me. Every guy at our school thinks you’re gorgeous.” “No. They think I’m hot.” She frowns. “That’s what I always hear. That I’m hot.” “Isn’t it the same thing?” Her head swings back and forth

emphatically. “Not at all.” I lean forward, interested in hearing this. “Hot is like ‘sexy’. It’s what a guy says when he wants to get in my pants.” She shrugs. “I don’t know. ‘Hot’ makes me feel kind of cheap, I guess. ‘Gorgeous’ is like saying that I’m worth something. It’s more

respectful.”

She

chuckles.

“Probably sounds stupid to you, but that’s just how it feels to me.”

I reach for her hand, knotting my fingers through hers. “No, it doesn’t sound stupid. It makes perfect sense.” Her gaze finds mine, and she searches my eyes for a minute. “You know, after Josh and Talia hooked up at that party I thought my life was over. I thought it was the worst thing ever. And when everyone rejected me, it was like everything was getting even worse. But

now I’m glad it all happened the way it did.” I nudge her in the side. “You mean, you’re okay with not being queen bee?” She offers me a half smile and drops her head onto my shoulder. I freeze, not wanting her to move. It feels good with her cheek pressing into my shoulder and her hair tumbling down my

arm. “It’s all I wanted for so many years, and I thought it would make me happy. But it didn’t. It was exhausting and lonely.” Sliding my hand up, I stroke her back. “I never knew how nice it would be to just have one person who truly cared about me. I guess I thought I had to be surrounded by people all the time or something.” “I’m not the only person who

cares about you, Ash,” I say. “Really?” She picks her head up. “Who else does?” “Well, my grandpa for starters.” She waves away my words. “Yeah, but I was talking about friends. People our age, you know.” “There are other people our age who care about you.” She raises a brow. “Name one.”

“Emmy,” I blurt out the first name I can think of. She cocks her head to the side. “Maybe last year, but not anymore.” “But she did care about you, right?” Sadness swims in Ashley’s eyes. A car drives past our house, painting the darkness with bright yellow light. “I sure ruined that one, huh?”

“You can fix it though.” She purses her lips. “Pretty sure it’s too late for that.” “I don’t think it’s ever too late.” Emmy strikes me as the forgiving type. Besides, I know that when the two of them hung out Emmy truly liked Ashley. It was obvious in the way she interacted with her. The way she would staunchly defend her. Even when Emmy recently

approached me to warn me against dating Ashley, I knew it was coming from the hurt and betrayal she felt. And she wouldn’t feel that way if there wasn’t an underlying desire to have Ashley back. A desire for them to be friends again. Ashley lets out a bitter laugh. “What do you suggest? That I apologize to Emmy? That I ask her to be my friend

again?” I shrug. “Sounds like a start.” Skepticism is written all over her face. “Oh, yeah. I’m totally sure she’d go for that.” “You won’t know if you don’t try.” Reaching up, I touch her face, gently stroking her cheek with my thumb. “You’ve rejected me more times than I can count. You called me fat.” Shame

washes over her face. “I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. I’m making a point. Just follow me here.” I pause, making sure she’s all right. When she nods, I continue. “I took a chance on you anyway. Maybe Emmy will do the same.” She doesn’t look convinced, so I snake my arm around her waist and pull her closer. “I think you’ll regret it if you don’t at least give it a shot.”

She sighs. “You’re probably right, but I don’t know if I can get up the courage to do it.” I draw back, stunned. “No way. You’re the most bad ass girl I know.” She laughs. “I’ve literally never been bad ass, but I’m glad I had you fooled.” It hits me that Ashley’s attitude wasn’t simply about being popular. It

was how she protected herself. Inside she’s scared the same way the rest of us are. Maybe even more so. I tighten my hold on her. “Well, maybe it’s time to actually be bad bass then.” I catch her eye. “What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to do but were too scared to?” She’s silent for a minute. Then she sits up straighter and blows out a breath, as if she’s going to share

something big. It perks my curiosity. “I’ve always wanted to start an online fashion channel. You know, where I can put up makeup tutorials or videos of what I’m wearing that day or how to fix your hair? That type of thing.” “Seriously?” Her face falls. “Don’t make fun of me.” I recover quickly. “I’m not. I was

just surprised, I guess. I thought for sure you were gonna say jump out of a plane or something like that.” She narrows her eyes. “Do I look like someone who would want to jump out of a plane? I mean, come on. I think they make you wear some awful jumpsuit, and my hair would get all messed up.” I’m dumbfounded. “Your biggest

fear about jumping out of a plane is that it would mess up your hair?” “I just meant that the whole thing is unflattering.” “Gotcha.” I chuckle. “How come you haven’t done this online channel thing? You’d be great at it. All the girls at our school have been copying your style for years. Why not have all of the girls in cyberspace doing it?”

“That’s just it.” She wrinkles her nose. “You said yourself that you thought I was bad ass. The reason the girls copy me is because they’re scared of me.” “Oh, I don’t think that’s true. I mean, yeah, they probably were scared of you.” I smile. “But even now most of them dress like you.” She

ponders

this,

her

face

lighting up. “You’re right. They totally

do.” “You are the prettiest girl at our school.” “Do you really think so?” I nod. “Even prettier than Talia?” “Yeah.” “Liar.” She swats me in the arm. “I’m not lying, Ash.” I tilt my head and look deeply into her eyes. “I

need you to trust me. I won’t lie to you.” “Okay,” she whispers.

ASHLEY I was wrong to think that Hayes wasn’t as good-looking as Cal or Josh. The more time I spend with him, the more attractive he becomes. When he picked me up this morning wearing his baseball cap low on his forehead, dark jeans and a tight grey t-shirt that molded to his

muscles, he stole my breath. I always thought of Hayes as a hefty guy, and I saw it as a negative thing. Underneath his shirts, I assumed there was nothing but flab. I stand corrected. Now that I’ve touched his chest, I know that it is rock solid. He’s not the fattest guy on the team. He’s the strongest. The most muscular. And he’s mine.

As he drives me to school, I study his profile - his strong jaw and long lashes. “What?” He whips his head toward me. “You have really long eyelashes for a guy,” I say. “If I were to put mascara on them, they’d be to die for.” “Don’t even think about it,” he warns.

I laugh. “Well, then don’t ever fall asleep around me.” “Is that a threat, McIntosh?” “Oh, no. It’s a promise, Parker.” He chuckles, shaking his head. “What?”

I

goad

him.

“No

comeback?” “Trust me. I’ve got plenty of them,” he says. “I’m just trying to keep it PG.”

Hayes is the first guy I’ve dated who doesn’t constantly cross the line with me. He’s never even broached the subject of sex. Not only that but he doesn’t make sex jokes all the time. And I appreciate it. I’m known as the school slut, so most guys date me because of that. And once we go out they think they have every right to talk to me in disgusting ways. But Hayes isn’t like

that. He respects me. He honors me. Even in his jokes. Hayes pulls into the school parking lot and finds an empty space. When we get out of the car, Brady and Chase spot us and walk in our direction. After they greet Hayes, they say hi to me as well. It’s still a little awkward around the baseball players, but it’s getting easier every day. It does help that I’ve

never gone out with Brady or Chase. “So you coming to the party on Friday night or you gonna skip out again?” Brady asks Hayes. “Dude, you’ve gotta go. It’s gonna be off the hook,” Chase adds. Hayes threads his fingers through mine. “I don’t think so, guys.” “C’mon, man,” Brady begs. “It’s more fun when you’re there.”

He’s saying no for me, and it causes my stomach to churn. “Go ahead and go if you want to,” I encourage him. “See, even your girl is telling you to go,” Brady says. “Only if you come too,” Hayes says. This is new. Josh would forbid me from going with him when we were dating. In my experience, guys want their

girlfriends to steer clear of “guy time.” “I don’t know,” I answer. It’s not that I don’t think it’ll be fun with Hayes, but he’ll want to go off with his friends at some point, and then what will I do? I don’t want to be some clingy, needy girlfriend hanging on his arm the entire time. He’ll feel smothered. Emmy parks near us and her and Taylor walk past. The nervous feeling I

always get around her descends into the pit of my stomach. “Emmy!”

Brady

calls

out.

“You’re coming to the party on Friday, right?” She walks toward us, Taylor trailing her like a shadow. Her eyebrows knit together. “Why would I go to the party? Chris is gone, remember?” “So? That doesn’t mean you

can’t get out and have fun,” Brady says. Then he glances at Taylor. “You should come too.” Hayes nudges him in the side with his elbow. “Dude,” he whispers harshly. What the hell is that about? “Oh, yeah.” Taylor rubs her swollen belly. “I’m totally gonna go to a party like this.” Emmy giggles.

“Emmy,”

Hayes

speaks

up,

surprising me. “Brady’s right. You should come. You can go with Ashley.” My entire body goes hot, and I literally can’t feel my legs. My heartbeat is so loud I fear everyone can hear it. I throw Hayes a shocked look, but he smiles and nods like what he’s doing is cool. “Um…no, I think I’m good,”

Emmy speaks slowly, and her words pierce my heart. “C’mon, it’ll be fun,” Hayes presses. “Ashley’s been saying that she wants to reconnect with you. It’ll be the perfect opportunity.” Seriously? He did not just say that.

Doesn’t

he

realize

how

embarrassing this is? He’s giving her the green light to reject me in front of all

these people. I don’t get it. Yanking my hand out from his, I stalk off. He hollers after me, but I keep walking. “Ashley!” It’s Emmy’s voice that ultimately stops me. I slowly spin on my heels, ready for her to gloat. Put me in my place. Crossing my arms over my chest, I wait for it. “What Hayes said back there?

Was that true?” She asks. I want to lie, but I know that won’t help my case. Besides, there is something in her eyes I can’t quite place, but it looks like hope. Could it be that she’s wanting to reconnect too? “Yes, it’s true.” The words cut my throat as I force them out. She stares at me as if trying to decipher whether or not I’m telling the

truth. “Hayes seems to think you’ve changed.” “And what do you think?” “I want to believe him, but after what you did to me, I’m not sure. I’ve seen you in action. I know you’re a good actress.” Biting my lip, I nod. “I told Hayes it was a long shot.” She narrows her eyes. “You

share a lot with Hayes, don’t you?” “Yeah, I do.” “The Ashley I knew was pretty closed off,” Emmy points out. “Hard to be open when you’re pretending to be someone you’re not,” I say. “Look, Em. I know what I did to you sucked. I was a bitch, okay? And I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. But it would be really cool if we could,

maybe…I don’t know…start over?” Students barrel past us, voices bouncing around like a volleyball over our heads. But it’s like Emmy doesn’t even notice with the intensity in which she stares at me. I half-expect her head to explode from how

hard she’s

wrestling with this. Holding my breath, I wait for her response. “I’m probably really going to

regret this, but fine. We can give it a try.” I squeal and throw my arms around her neck. She doesn’t return the hug. In fact, she stiffens in my arms. Feeling stupid, I draw back. “Don’t let me down again. I don’t give third chances.” I nod eagerly. “So what are you gonna wear on Friday night?” “Oh, no. I’m not going to that party.”

“Pretty please,” I plead. “I see your annoying begging skills haven’t changed,” she says dryly. “Hayes really wants me to go, but I don’t want to go without a girlfriend. Then I’ll be hanging on his arm the whole time.” I lean in close to her. “Could be fun. You always liked the baseball parties.” “No. You always liked the

baseball parties. I liked staying home.” “Unless Chris was there.” I smile. “Yeah,

that’s

another

thing.

Chris’ll never say yes to me going to a party without him.” “Just ask. He may surprise you,” I say. “I doubt it. You know how jealous Chris is.”

“I also know how much you love him. You’d never cheat on him. I’m sure he knows that.” She eyes me funny. “The old Ashley never would’ve said something like that.” “Hayes will be there to protect you if anything happens,” I press on. “And I promise I won’t leave you or anything. It’ll be fun.”

Emmy sighs. “One minute into us being friends again and you’re already talking me into stuff.” My heart leaps. “So you’ll go?” “I’ll think about it.” “Same diff.” Winking, I step around Emmy and make my way into the school hallway. “Talk to you later, Em.” I pass Taylor and she gives me a funny look, but I smile at her. I’m still not sure

what I think about Taylor, but she’s Emmy’s friend, so I need to make nice with her. “Ash.” Hayes hurries in my direction. “Hey.” When he reaches me, he slides his hands up my arms. “I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have gotten involved. I was just trying to help.” “And you did,” I say brightly.

“Emmy’s gonna think about going to the party on Friday night with me.” “So I didn’t screw up?” “Oh, no. You screwed up.” I’m not letting him off the hook that easily. “But I fixed it, so we’re good.” He shrugs, leaning in for a kiss. “As long as we’re good.”

HAYES I’m off my game today. Brady shouts words of encouragement from the dugout as another pitch comes at me. I swing hard, but I miss. Cursing under my breath, I shake my head. What the hell is wrong with me? Glancing into the bleachers, I find Ashley sitting in the front row. She offers a sweet nod, and

I’m grateful for it. But I can’t help wishing for someone else. My grandpa’s absence is wearing on me. However, I don’t think it’s only his absence. I think it’s what it represents. He’s getting older, and he won’t be around forever. His fall drove that home, and it scares me. When I strike out, I drop the bat and jog back to the dugout feeling like a

failure. My shoulders slump as I head down to the bench. I sit next to Brady, and he nudges me in the side. “You okay, buddy?” “Yeah,”

I

lie,

rolling

my

shoulders. “Just tired.” “Ashley’s

wearing

you

out,

huh?” Josh waggles his eyebrows at me, and it turns my stomach. “She’s a firecracker in the bedroom, that one. I

think it’s all that pent up aggression.” My chest tightens. “Stop talkin’ about her that way.” “C’mon, it’s no secret. I mean, most of the guys in this dugout have firsthand knowledge of what that girl can do.” He smiles, looking around. “Am I right? I mean, we’ve shared her, so now we can share about her.” I leap up, red hot anger coursing

through my veins. “This is your last warning. Not. Another. Word.” “Why ya getting so mad? I’m saying your girl is good in the sack. It’s a compliment,” Josh says. “I told you to shut the hell up about her,” I growl. He peers up at me smugly. “Ah, I see. You haven’t been with her yet, have you?”

I shove my finger into his chest. “You have no idea when to shut your damn mouth, do you?” “Hayes.” Brady’s hand is on my arm. “C’mon, man. You don’t wanna do this.” “Yeah, don’t be mad at me just because your girl isn’t giving it up,” Josh says with a sick smile. At his words, the fire inside me

withers. He has no idea what Ashley gives me. Our relationship is so much deeper than sex. It’s why I’ve been able to overlook the fact that she’s been with so many guys on the team. Does it suck? Yes, it does. I am a guy, and it hurts my pride a little. But I know that all Ashley gave them was her body. Nothing more. In so many ways, I’m her first. The first guy who’s seen who she really is

underneath all

her

pretending and

scheming. Stepping back, I say, “What Ashley and I do in private, stays private. She’s a girl, not my property. And I’m certainly not going to share with the whole damn baseball team what we do. Because unlike you, I respect her. She means something to me.” I glare at him in disgust. “I feel sorry for you. You

have no idea what it’s like to connect with someone. You only know how to use. It must be a pretty sucky life you have, huh, Joshy?” “At least I get some.” Josh smiles. His words only confirm what I know to be true about him. I shake off Brady’s hand. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to hit him. He’s not worth it.”

Glancing up, my breath catches in my throat. Ashley stands on the other side of the dugout, her face visible through the fence. Her lips quiver, her eyes wide. Shit. I whirl around, heading out of the dugout. Brady grabs me by the arm. “Hayes, man, what are you doing? It’s the middle of the game.”

I yank my arm out of his grasp. “I’ll be back. Cover for me.” “What?”

He

reels

back,

perplexed, as I tear out of the dugout. But I don’t have time to explain. I have to get to Ashley. I don’t know how much she heard, but I have to do damage control. Man, the way Josh was talking about her was disgusting. She must be sickened.

Commotion sounds behind me, but I ignore it. I’m sure when Coach Hopkins notices I left I’m going to get my ass chewed out, but I can’t think about that right now. All I care about is making sure Ashley’s all right. She’s more fragile than people realize, and she’s barely hanging on right now. I’m afraid this will push her over the edge. Rounding the backside of the

dugout, I find Ashley standing in the grass

looking

shell-shocked.

Her

expression cuts to my heart, and I rush forward. “Ashley,”

I start,

ready to

apologize, to offer words of comfort. Anything to make her feel better. But I don’t get the chance. Before I can say anything, her hands come up to frame my face and her mouth closes firmly over

mine. Her hands are ice cold, her body trembling. But her kiss is steady, sure. She doesn’t skip a beat as she draws my face closer with her palms. Our tongues meld together in a sensual dance as our mouths move in sync. My arms circle her tiny waist, and she moves so close that our chests press together. I can feel her heartbeat mingling with mine. I want nothing more than to stand here all day

kissing my girl. But I hear the team taking the field. Worse, I hear my name being called out by Coach. My stomach bottoms out, and I reluctantly tear my lips from Ashley’s. “Thank you,” Ashley breathes. Her words stun me. “For what?” “For the things you said in there.” Her smile is pained. “Ash, what Josh was saying, that

was--” “I don’t care what he said. I only care what you said, and that was beautiful. No one’s ever defended me like that before.” Her smile fades. “But I am sorry that I put you in that situation.” “You didn’t. Josh did,” I say firmly. “I don’t deserve you.” I open my mouth to protest, but she lifts a finger to

my lips. “But don’t worry. I’m way too selfish to walk away now. I want to be with you, and I’m not going anywhere.” “Glad to hear it.” I release her. “Are you sure you’re okay?” She nods. “Get back out there and kick some ass.” “Yes, maam.” I spin around as Coach hollers out my name again. As I hurry forward, I should feel dread, but I

don’t. No matter how much trouble I get into, it will be worth it.

***

“Tough game, huh?” Ashley asks as I drive us home after the scrimmage. “I’ve had better,” I reply. “You miss having him there, huh?”

She doesn’t have to specify. We both know she’s talking about my grandpa. I ease on the brakes as I come up on a red light. Sweat gathers under my hat, soaks my shirt. I’m anxious to take a shower. “Yeah. It’s hard for both of us. I know he hates being stuck at home.” “Maybe we could get him out there. With the nurse’s help and his

wheelchair it might work,” Ashley suggests. “Nah. He’s already recovering so slowly, I don’t wanna make him worse. I’d regret it the rest of my life.” “Yeah, I know what that’s like.” Ashley stares out the passenger window. I glance over to see her picking at a thread on her jeans. It reminds me of the night I drove her home from the party.

Lost and sad. What did she mean by that cryptic statement? The light turns green, and I press on the gas. We slowly move forward. With my free hand, I reach out and touch her thigh. She flinches, but then relaxes under my touch. “Hey. Is this about what the guys were saying in the dugout? Because I told you that was in the past. You don’t need to regret that.”

“Well, I do, but that’s not what I was talking about.” She traces my hand with her fingertips, and chills skate up my arm. “I was actually thinking about my own grandpa.” My heart stops. I’ve always known there was more to this story. I hold my breath, hoping this is when she’ll finally share it. Ashley has been slowly piecing out information about her

life, the same way Hansel and Gretel left that trail of breadcrumbs. And I’ve been savoring every single one. “I know that my relationship with Henry seems weird to everyone. I’m sure you’ve even wondered about it.” “At first I did,” I admit, flicking on my blinker as we near a turn. “That day in the coffee shop, I was feeling so lonely. And then I looked

up and Henry was falling over. In that moment it was like I went back in time. He reminded me so much of my grandpa. It all happened so fast, I didn’t even have time to think. I just reacted. And after I helped him, he offered for me to sit and talk. No one else had talked to me all week.” She shrugs. “He was so kind, and he reminded me of the only other person in the world that I’ve ever

truly been real with.” “Your grandpa,” I state. “Yeah.” She sighs. “We were so close. I used to go to his house almost every day. It got me away from… everything at home. But then he got sick. Ended up in the hospital.” Her bottom lip quivers, and she bites down on it. “I was too scared to visit him. I thought it would be hard to see him like that. So I

never went. Figured I’d see him when he got out.” A tear escapes, and she brushes it away. It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to pull over the car and gather her in my arms. She appears so frail and vulnerable. But instead, I keep driving. I focus out the window, knowing that she needs to get this out. She needs to get it off her chest. Sometimes that’s the only way we can

heal. “But he never made it out of the hospital. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to tell him what he meant to me. How much I loved him” Her words are shaky, the tears flowing now. “And I’ve lived with the guilt ever since.” “Ash, you couldn’t have known.” “Still, I should’ve been there for him. I was selfish. I was out with Talia that whole weekend, like my grandpa

wasn’t dying in a hospital somewhere. I mean, how selfish was that? Afterward, I vowed never to let myself get close to anyone else, since clearly I’m poison. I’m no good to people.” She offers a trembling smile. “But then I met Henry, and it was like I was being given a second chance.” “You were.” Her head bobs up and down. “I

feel like I got more than just a second chance with my grandpa. I feel like I got a second chance at life.” “We’re offered second chances all the time, Ash, but only the bravest among us actually take them.”

ASHLEY “Doesn’t this feel like old times?” I link arms with Emmy as we make our way across the dead grass covering Old Man Willis’s property. “Yeah, it does.” She frowns. “Hey.” I squeeze her arm. “It’s not like old times though. It’s different.” Emmy squirms. “I don’t know if I

should be here.” “Nonsense. You totally belong here.” She sighs, appearing agitated. “I should probably call Taylor. Make sure she doesn’t need me. She’s getting so close to her due date.” “I’m sure she’ll call you if she needs you,” I say cheerily, trying not to get irritated with how she’s acting. I

mean, I knew we wouldn’t be able to slip right back into being best friends, but she had promised to at least make an effort. Right now she’s acting like someone who’s been taken prisoner. I wanted Emmy to hang out with me again, but not out of obligation. “Besides, her aunt and uncle are with her. I’m sure she’s fine.” “Yeah,” she says, but doesn’t

sound convinced. Her gaze scours the field. “Are you reliving last year?” I ask with a smile. “This is where you and Chris first kissed, right?” “Not here. It was in his car in front of my house. But it was after a party,” Emmy says. “You were so drunk that he had to give us a ride home.” “You’re welcome.”

This elicits a smile from Emmy, and that makes me happy. “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to thank you for that,” she banters back. “I haven’t been to a party since Chris went away to college.” “Then I’m glad I got you out here.” She peers over at me. “You haven’t been to one this year either, have you?”

“Well, I went to one.” My stomach sours, and it must register on my face, because Emmy offers me an apologetic smile. “I’m not even sure it’s a good idea for me to be here now. I mean, parties are to flirt and hook up. And I’m certainly not going to be doing that.” Sliding her arm out from under mine, she hugs herself.

“Of course you’re not. That’s why Chris trusted you enough to let you come.” I pause, thinking. “Does Chris know you’re here with me?” “Yeah, he does.” A group of guys amble past us, shooting us appreciative glances. My skin prickles. In the distance I spot Heather and a few of my former friends, but not Talia. I haven’t seen Hayes yet either, but I know he’s

here somewhere. Probably with Brady. I keep my eyes peeled for baseball hats. “But he knows you’re with Hayes now and that you’ve changed. And like you said, he trusts me.” The last statement pricks at me like a thorn. I hope she doesn’t see the tiny scar it leaves. And I wonder if people will ever trust me. If they’ll ever truly believe I’ve changed. It seems

doubtful. But I’m determined to try, so I push down the negative thoughts. “Emmy!” A boy’s voice calls out. My head whips to a group of guys all motioning Emmy over. I grab her arm, but she shakes it off as she greets them. “It’s okay. They’re harmless,” she says.

I’m about to protest when I catch sight of Hayes across the field. My heart skips a beat at the sight of him, and my breath hitches in my throat. The way I respond to him always surprises me. “All right. I just saw Hayes, so if you’re okay here, I’m gonna go say hi.” I stop, meeting her gaze. “Yeah, it’s fine,” she speaks slowly. “But thanks for checking.”

The old Ashley never would’ve done that. I can tell that’s what she’s thinking by the look in her eyes. It lifts my spirits. Gives me hope that I can prove to her that I’m new and improved. It might take time, but I know I can do it. “Sure. I’ll be right back.” I wink. “Hopefully with Hayes.” While Emmy heads over to the group of guys that were calling out to

her, I hurry in Hayes’ direction. My feet clomp in the dirt, voices swirl around me, and the scent of the firepit drifts under my nose. But all I can think about is how good it will feel when Hayes draws me into his arms. My heart swells as I move closer to him. He hasn’t seen me yet because his back is to me. But I know when he does, he’ll throw me that heart-stopping smile of his. I used to

think Cal had a heart-stopping smile, but I was wrong. His smile made me feel desire, but it never stopped my heart. I thought that coming to this party would be hard. I’ve been wanting to attend a party since Hayes and I first started going out, but I was afraid to. I was afraid it would bring up too many bad memories. But it doesn’t. Josh’s kiss with Talia seemed like the worst thing in

the world the night that it happened, but now I see that it was a blessing in disguise. That night was the kick in the pants I needed to turn my life around. For me it had been a pruning of sorts. I remember my mom pruning the rose bushes when I was younger. It was a tedious process, and when she was done the bushes looked terrible. All

scrawny and bare. But when they bloomed into beautiful roses, I knew that wouldn’t have happened without the pruning. It was necessary. And that’s how I feel. In the weeks after Josh and Talia’s kiss, my life was dark and desolate. Frayed and damaged, like I’d been cut open, broken apart. But it was because of that night that I eventually

ended up with Hayes. It was because of that night that I connected with Henry, and that I’m starting to reconnect with Emmy. The people in my life now are true friends, people who genuinely care about me. And I never had that before. Hayes is only a few feet in front of me, but even if he turns around now he won’t see me. A group of people

block my path. I’m about to maneuver around them, when I freeze. Talia approaches

Hayes.

I

watch,

fully

expecting him to tell her to get lost. But if he does, she doesn’t listen. In fact, she’s talking and smiling like they’re friends. I can’t see his face, but I can see hers, and it turns my stomach. An image flashes in my mind. It’s Hayes’ face the night of that fateful party.

He was so lovesick over Talia. And that wasn’t the only time I’ve seen him like that. Over the summer I’d spent enough time with the two of them to see that look over and over. But have I ever seen it directed toward me? I think I have, but I can’t be sure. Perhaps he still has feelings for her. I’d been so mean to Hayes in the

past. I’d made fun of him. I’d rejected him. And yet he so easily forgave all that. At least I thought he had. But could it have been a ploy? A way to get what he really wanted? Shaking my head, I will the thoughts away. No. Hayes isn’t like that. He doesn’t manipulate. He’s pure and good and kind. Right? Doubt takes root,

and I’m not sure. I’m not sure about any of it. The longer Talia stands there talking to Hayes, the more confused I become. It wouldn’t be the first time someone stabbed me in the back, that’s for sure. You’re worthless. My mom’s voice rattles in my head, and I fight to breathe evenly. I was stupid to think that Hayes

would like me for me. It was a fantasy. A pipe dream. Like my online videos. It sounded good in theory, but it would never work. Turning away from Hayes, I claw at my throat, struggling to breathe. “You okay?” A guy I don’t recognize approaches me. He looks older, and he’s pretty hot. When my gaze flickers up to the ball cap on his head, my eyebrows raise.

Suddenly, I’m able to catch my breath. “Are you in college?” “I am.” He smiles. “What are you doing here?” “I’m in town for the weekend, and my younger brother invited me along.” He smiles. “A second ago, I was thinking that it was pretty lame and I was gonna take off.” His gaze travels the length of my body. “But now I think I’ll

stay.” “Because of me?” I ask coyly. “That depends.” He leans in close. So close I can feel his breath on my face. It makes my head spin. Hayes may want Talia back, but clearly there are still guys who want me. And I’ll be damned if I stick around here playing second fiddle to Talia. “Do you want me to stay?”

“Oh, yeah. I think I’d like that.” “I’m Bo.” He sticks out his hand. I shake it. “Ashley.” “Well,

Ashley.”

He

glances

around. “What do you say we go somewhere a little…quieter?” Warning bells go off in my head, but I silence them. The last time I came to a party I had my heart broken. I’m not going to let it happen a second time. No

way will I let Hayes and Talia make a fool of me. This time the joke will be on them. “Sure.” I allow him to hold my hand and guide me toward the barn at the edge of the property. Beyond that is nothing but darkness and grass, and it causes my stomach to twist a little, but still I follow. “Ashley?” Emmy jogs over to

me, concern on her features. “What’s going on?” Her gaze flutters up to Bo. “Who is this?” “This is Bo,” I say, a hard edge to my voice. The last thing I need right now is Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes butting into my business. “Where is Hayes?” I snort. “Go find out yourself. I’m outta here.”

Bo chuckles, pulling me forward. “Are you serious?” Emmy asks. “You’re leaving with this guy?” I throw her a smug look before scurrying to catch up to Bo’s side. “Unbelievable,” Emmy mutters under her breath. As we near the barn, all I can see is the disappointed look on Emmy’s face, and I worry I might puke. But then I

remember

Talia

talking

with

my

boyfriend a few moments ago, and my heart hardens back up. This is what I have to do. It’s the only way to protect myself.

HAYES I’m searching the party for Ashley when Talia approaches me. Earlier I’d been talking with the guys when I noticed Ashley and Emmy entering the party. It made my heart swell to see them together again. In fact, it reminded me of old times. Those two were joined at the hip for awhile. Back then I didn’t get it. I

had always liked Emmy. She was innocent and raw. So unlike the girls who usually hung with the baseball team. And I couldn’t figure out how Emmy ended up becoming friends with Ashley. I know it was all a ruse then, but I’m certain their friendship will last this time. Oddly enough, I think Ashley’s a lot more like Emmy than I’d originally

thought. “What do you want, Talia?” I ask, irritated. When I broke away from the guys, all I wanted was to hold my girl in my arms. Not get side tracked by my ex. “I just wanted to say hi. Geez.” She smiles sweetly. Other people might fall for her little act, but I don’t. “Since when do

you and I say hi?” “We were friends before we dated. Remember?” I do remember, but it feels like a lifetime ago. “You were a different person then.” “This coming from the guy who’s dating Ashley.” Chuckling, she shakes her head. “You know she’s only going out with you to get back at me.”

“You don’t know her anymore. She’s not like that.” “I can’t believe she has you all fooled like this. Ashley doesn’t change. I’ve known her since we were kids.” “You never knew her. Not the way I do.” “You’re really buying into her act, huh? Wow. I thought you were smarter than that.”

That’s it. I don’t need to stand here and listen to this. I step around Talia. “I’m smart enough to know who to trust, and that sure as hell isn’t you.” “I’m just trying to protect you,” Talia speaks from over my shoulder. There was a time when I would have believed her, but that ended the minute she kissed Josh. It’s funny to think about how much I liked her back then. Now

that I’ve seen what she’s really about, I’m not attracted to her at all. “She will break your heart. Trust me.” Shaking my head, I stomp over crunchy leaves and yellow grass, trying to get as far from Talia as possible. But no matter how far I walk, I know her words will stick with me. Ashley is different. She’s nothing like the person she used to be. And I believe that the

Ashley she is around me is the real Ashley. But deep down I worry that this is all just an act, and that one day the former Ashley will return and take over. I’m starting to fall in love with Ashley, and I can’t stand the thought of her one day tossing me aside like I’m trash. I think of the things she used to say about me. The way that she treated me. It stung even at the time. Now it would kill

me. My gaze scans the field, but I don’t see Ashley. After several minutes of watching students chug alcohol and act crazy, I finally spot Emmy. She’s talking with a few of the younger guys on our team. I don’t see Ashley, but I’m sure Emmy knows where she is. “Hey, Emmy,” I say when I reach her. “Do you know where Ash is?”

She swallows hard, her neck swelling with the effort. Her face is somber, and a sense of dread drops into my gut. “I’m sorry, Hayes,” she says, her eyes crinkling in the corners as her face scrunches up in a ravaged look. “Sorry about what?” My stomach churns. “She went off with some guy.”

“What guy?” I’ll kick his ass. She shakes her head. “I don’t know. He was like college aged.” Frantically, my head moves back and forth, scouring the area. “Where did he take her?” Adrenaline pumps through my veins. Her head swivels toward the barn. “I saw them go that way.” Emmy’s hand lands on my arm. “Listen, I don’t

think she’s changed the way you think she has. I mean, before she left with him she was acting just like the old Ashley.” She sighs. “I really wanted her to be different. For your sake.” “She is different,” I insist. None of this makes any sense. We were so happy earlier today. “Emmy, you said she was acting like the old Ashley. In what way?”

“Going off with another guy,” she says as if she’s surprised she has to spell it out. Something isn’t adding up. “Did something happen when you guys got here. I mean, was she upset or anything?” “No. Not at first. She kept talking about trying to find you. Then a few minutes after we got here, she said she

spotted you. She left for a minute, then came back with some other guy. And it was like she flipped a switch.” Talia. She saw me talking to Talia. And she must have misinterpreted it. “Thanks, Emmy.” I spin around. “Where are you going?” “To find her,” I say. “To fix this.” As I stalk away from Emmy, I pray that

Ashley hasn’t done anything stupid. I’ll forgive her for going off with that guy, but if I catch her kissing him or touching him or worse, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get past it. A sense of déjà vu fills me as I head toward the barn. An image of Talia and Josh groping each other fills my mind, and my chest tightens. I silently pray that I don’t find Ashley like that. As

I near the barn, I hear noises coming from the other side. I hesitate, unsure if I want to see what’s on the other side. But I have to. Besides, what if the guy hurts her? Emmy doesn’t know him, and she said he’s older. What if Ashley needs me to protect her? My nausea grows with every step forward. I round the corner, making

my way to the backside of the barn. At the sight in front of me, my stomach tumbles to the ground. “Ashley?” I rush forward to where she sits on the ground, her back resting against the side of the barn. She lifts her head from her knees, tears raking her cheeks. Her makeup is so smeared she looks like something out of a horror movie. “Are you okay?” My

gaze travels down her body, but nothing seems out of place. Other than her tearstained face and mussed hair, everything else is perfect. “Did he hurt you?” “Who?” I press my lips together. “Emmy told me you went off with another guy.” Her face drops. “I’m sorry, Hayes.” More tears fall from her eyes, and her lips quiver.

I back away from her, feeling my heart crack. “Ash, what did you do?” “Nothing.” She shakes her head, wiping at her face. “I just went off with him. I only did it to make you jealous, because I’d seen you talking to Talia. But when he tried to kiss me, I couldn’t do it.” Relief washes over me like the crash of a cool ocean wave on a

sweltering day at the beach. But I’m not ready to celebrate quite yet. “Ash, Talia just walked up and started talking to me. I didn’t seek her out. Did you really think I’d go after her again? I’m with you.” “I know,” she whispers. “Then why are you so upset?” I’m still dumbfounded by her behavior. None of what she’s saying is adding up.

“What is it that you’re not telling me?” Breathing deeply, she wipes at her face again. Then she tucks an errant strand of hair behind her ear and lifts her chin. “Do you want to know why I used to be so mean to you? Why I always rejected you?” “I think I already know the answer to that,” I say. “And quite frankly, I’d rather not rehash it.”

“It wasn’t because I thought you were fat,” she says. “I know that’s what I said, but that was never the truth. The real reason I didn’t want to go out with you was because I was scared.” “Scared of what?” “I knew that if I said yes, I’d end up falling for you…and falling scares me.” “Well,

yeah.

Falling

scares

everyone, because if you fall you might break a bone or skin your knee.” She sighs with exasperation. “Hayes.” “Sorry. You run when you’re uncomfortable. I make jokes.” I brush a stray lock of hair from her face. “But you don’t need to be scared of falling for me, Ash. I want you to fall, because if you do, I’ll finally get to catch you, and that’s

something I’ve been trying to do for years.” “But what if you drop me?” “I won’t. Trust me, once I get a hold of you, I’ll never let go.” I wait for relief to fill her face, but it doesn’t. She still looks conflicted. “Ash?” She bites her bottom lip. “It wasn’t just because I was scared. It was also because I knew you were too good

for me.” I scoot forward on my knees, reaching out to touch her face. “What are you talking about?” “You’re one of the good guys. I knew that from the moment we met. And I’m poison, Hayes. I destroy everyone in my path.” “That’s not true.” My thumb grazes the tender flesh of her cheek.

There’s still remnants of her tears, and they stick to the pads of my fingers. “It is true. Ask Emmy. Ask Talia. Hell, ask anyone.” “Ash, that was in the past. We’ve been through this. You were playing a part, but that’s not who you are.” I press my hand to her chest. “Not deep down in here.” One side of her lips curl upward

a little, and she wraps her fingers around my hand, holding it in place. “Did you ever wonder why I felt the need to play a part?” “I assumed it was to be popular.” I shrug. “It was to be perfect. To make up for...” A sob leaps from her mouth. “For what I’ve done.” “Is this about your grandpa?

Because you don’t need to feel guilty about that anymore.” She shakes her head. “It’s not about that. This is bigger than that.” She exhales, her gaze fixating over my shoulder. “This is about my sister.” Sister? “I didn’t know you had a sister.” “Because she died, and it was my fault.”

ASHLEY I’m shocked by my own confession. Not shocked that I thought it. Shocked that I said it aloud. It’s something I think about all the time. Something that plagues me. That haunts me. But it isn’t something I share with others. However, I trust Hayes, and I

want him to know. To understand. “What are you talking about?” Hayes asks. I expect him to back away, but he surprises me by scooting closer. The look on his face isn’t one of horror. It’s one of concern. And that’s when I know for sure that I’m making the right decision in telling him. “When I was around four years old my mom got pregnant. She was so

happy.” Wistfully, I stare out at the open field. Behind us, the party rages on. I can hear laughter and chatter. It was a noise that used to excite me. Now it turns my stomach. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than here alone with Hayes. The revelation is a stark reminder of how much I’ve changed. “At least that’s what she tells me. My memories are a little fuzzy.”

“Well, of course.” Hayes smiles. “You were so young. I don’t know that I remember anything from when I was that age.” “I guess I’ve heard the story so many times it feels like a memory, you know?” Hayes nods as if he understands. “Anyway, in the ultrasound my parents found out they were having another girl. Apparently, my mom was over the

moon.” I snort. “She probably thought her next daughter would be more like her. She and I butted heads all the time when I was little. According to her, I was really difficult. I’d been a colicky baby, and as a toddler I threw fits all the time.” “Lots of kids are like that,” Hayes says gently. “It’s not your fault.” “Maybe not.” I shrug. “But Mom

felt like it was.” Pausing, I take a deep breath. “Mom ended up losing the baby. Miscarriage.” Hayes’ brows furrow. “I thought you said it was your fault that your sister died.” “Mom said that I stressed her out.

That she’d

had

some

health

problems during the pregnancy and the doctors told her to take it easy. But I

wouldn’t allow her to relax.” My chest tightens as Mom’s accusatory words fly through my mind. Years of hearing how I ruined her life. How I took away her opportunity to have another child. Hayes squeezes my hand. With his other arm, he reaches up and strokes my cheek. “Ash, that’s ridiculous. Your mom’s miscarriage wasn’t your fault.” My gaze finds his. “But she said-

-” Hayes cuts me off. “I don’t care what she said. She was wrong.” Freezing, I hone in on his words. “And I’m sorry, Ash. I’m sorry that she made you feel like it was somehow your fault. You were just a kid being a kid. It’s sick that she put all this on you.” His hand slides down my face, resting on my shoulder. “It must have been a terrible

burden for you to carry all these years.” A tear slips down my cheek, but before I can reach up, Hayes wipes it away with one tender brush of his fingertips.

“Afterward,

she

started

drinking. Dad started spending more time at the hospital. As I grew up, I always felt like I had destroyed my family. And I used to wonder what it would be like if I had been different.”

“If you had been perfect, you mean,” Hayes says, as if putting the pieces of the puzzle together. “Yeah,” I whisper. Hayes

sighs,

his

shoulders

slumping, “I hate what your mom has done to you.” Shaking his head, his eyes search mine.

“You need

to

stop

punishing yourself. You didn’t destroy your family. Your mom and dad did that

all on their own.” Reaching up, I touch Hayes’ face. “You’re always so good to me.” He grabs my hand and stills it. “Stop acting like I’m doing you a favor, because I’m not. I care about you because you’re worth caring about.” “Even

after

everything

I’ve

done? After the way I’ve treated you?” “That was in the past,” he says

firmly. “I’ve forgiven you for that, and now you need to forgive yourself.” Yanking my arm back, I step away from him, hugging myself. “How did you know where to find me tonight, Hayes?” He pauses before answering with a resigned sigh. “Emmy told me.” “And I bet she thought I went off with that guy to cheat on you, huh?”

“She doesn’t know you the way I do.” I turn away from him. “This whole school thinks I’m some kind of monster. Most of them will always hate me. And I don’t blame them.” A shadow casts over me, Hayes’ outline projecting on the barn in front of me. His hands slide up my arms, causing a chill to skitter up my spine. Warm

breath fans over my cheek as he leans down and presses a kiss to my neck. “Give them time to see the real you.” “How do you know this is the real me? What if the real me is the other girl? The one my mom says I am. The one everyone hates?” “You and I both know that girl isn’t

you.”

Gripping

me

by

the

shoulders, Hayes gently turns to face me.

“Look at me, Ash. I know you. I know the girl you’ve pretended to be for years, and I know the girl you are now. And I know for a fact that this girl is who you are deep down inside.” “How?” He studies my face a minute. “Why do you like being with me, Ashley?” His response surprises me. “Is

that your way of avoiding my question?” “No. It’s my way of answering. Tell me,” he presses. I scrunch up my face, trying to formulate a reply. “I don’t know. It’s comfortable, and easy. This is the first relationship where I feel like I can be...” I stop, surprised by my own answer. “Myself,” I finish. Hayes smiles. “See.”

Despite myself, I grin back. “Thank you, Hayes.” He reaches out his arms, and I fall into them. As they tighten around me, I press my face into his chest. His shirt smells like him, and it causes my heart to skip a beat. In all my life I never felt so safe and secure as I do in Hayes’ arms. I peer up at him, and a chunk of my hair falls in my eyes. He smooths it back, and

our gazes lock. “Hayes,” I breathe out. “I never would’ve cheated on you. I couldn’t.” I bite my lips. “Because…I love you.” His eyes widen. For a minute I worry that he won’t say it back, and my chest tightens. It’s the first time I’ve ever said that to a guy, and I don’t know if I can handle him not returning it. Bending down, he stamps his lips to my forehead.

“I love you too, Ash.” Closing my eyes, I savor the words. “You do?” “I do,” he says. “I love you.” The fact that he repeats it makes my heart soar. Lifting my head, I kiss him. Softly. Tenderly. Drawing it out as if I hope it will never end. And a part of me hopes it never does. I could kiss Hayes forever and it still wouldn’t be long enough.

***

On Saturday morning, I show up at Emmy’s house. It’s the first time I’ve been here since last year, and it feels weird. As I wait for someone to answer, I pray it’s Emmy and not her parents. At least it won’t be Cal since he’s away at school. In fact, if he were still home I

probably wouldn’t even brave coming over here. When the door slowly opens, I swallow hard and stand up straight. “Ashley?”

Emmy’s

eyebrows

knit together. “Hey, Em.” I glance around, halfexpecting to see a pregnant Taylor leap out. The two of them are usually attached at the hip. Then again, Taylor stayed

home last night while Emmy and I went to the party, so she’s probably still at home. “What do you want?” She asks harshly, frowning. Her behavior isn’t surprising. After talking with Hayes, we went in search of Emmy, but she’d already left, so I never had a chance to explain what happened. “Can we talk for a minute?”

She leans against the doorframe, her expression hard. “You know that Hayes was looking for you last night, right?” I nod. “He found me.” Her eyes flash. “How could you do that to him, Ashley? He’s been so good to you, and he’s believed in you. He deserves a lot better than a girl who cheats on him.”

“You’re right. He does,” I agree. “That’s why I didn’t cheat on him.” Surprise leaps to Emmy’s face. “You didn’t?” I shake my head. “I couldn’t. I love Hayes.” Emmy’s head cocks to the side. “You what? Are you serious?” “Yeah,” I say softly, the edges of my lips curving upward.

Emmy grins.

“Okay,

you’ve

intrigued me. You can come in.” She opens the door further, pressing her back into the doorway, allowing me entry. When I step inside, it feels like I’m walking into my past. But I know I’m not, because I’m not that girl anymore. The girl who used to hang out here is gone. Or maybe she never really existed. My gaze flickers toward Maise’s office

door. “Are things the same with you and your mom?” Emmy tosses me a pensive look, but then she nods. “You and yours?” “Yep. Same.” As she guides me into the family room, she says, “I guess some things do remain the same, huh?” “And some things change,” I say. Emmy plops down on the couch,

and I join her. “It does appear that way,” she responds, but the skepticism is still there. Nervously playing with a thread on the bottom of my shirt, I say, “I never should’ve went off with that guy. It’s just that I had seen Hayes talking to Talia, and I got scared and worried, and I guess for a minute I turned into the old me.”

Emmy

appears

doubtful.

“There’s no way you thought Hayes would be interested in Talia again. Not after what she did to him. Besides, it’s obvious that he’s totally into you.” Leaning down, I prop my elbows up on my thighs. “Em, I don’t know how to make you understand this. I know you don’t trust me, and I get why.” I pause. “I know I act like I’m confident and

everything, but I’m not. I’m really insecure, and I try to mask that by acting like I have an inflated ego.” “I know,” Emmy says, and I’m stunned. “You do?” “We were friends long enough for me to see glimpses of the person you were trying to hide. It’s the reason I agreed to try this again.”

Her words give me courage to keep going. “Hayes is the first guy I’ve really cared about. He’s the first guy I’ve dated simply because I like him. Not because of some ulterior motive. And that scares me. It’s the first time I’ve felt like I don’t have the upper hand, you know? And deep down I’m terrified of having my heart broken. And so that’s why I went off with that guy. I was trying

to protect my heart. But once I got alone with him and he started coming on to me, all I could think about was how much it would hurt Hayes if I cheated on him. And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hurt him like that.” My gaze drops to my hands in my lap. “Besides, I don’t want to lose him. I don’t know what I’d do without him.” “Because you love him?” Emmy

asks, as if still trying to process what I’d said earlier. “Yeah.” I smile. “Have you told him this?” I nod. “Last night.” “And he loves you too?” The broad smile that sweeps my face gives me away. “Wow.” Emmy whistles. “This is crazy.”

“Crazy good or crazy bad?” “I really don’t know, Ashley.” Her face grows serious. “Hayes is a great guy. I’ve always thought so. And I want to trust what you’re saying to me, but I’m sure you understand that it’s kinda hard for me.” “I know. I lied to you and manipulated you, so I get it,” I say. “For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry, and I

wish I could go back and stop myself from betraying you.” “But you can’t.” “No. I can’t. All I can do is be a better person now. And I’ll start by apologizing for leaving you last night. When I went off with that guy, I wasn’t just betraying Hayes, I was betraying you. We went to the party together, and I should’ve stayed with you. Made sure

you were safe.” “I can’t really be mad at you for that. I left without making sure you were safe,” Emmy says. “But that’s just because you thought I’d run off with some strange guy.” Emmy snorts. “That actually makes it worse.” I wave away her words. “Nah. It

makes it understandable, actually. You thought I was reverting back to my old ways. It makes sense.” Emmy stares at me intently in silence until I’m so uncomfortable I want to crawl out of my skin. “What?” I finally say. “It’s just weird. The whole time we were friends, I wanted you to be like this. I wanted you to shed all that fakey

stuff and just be real. But you never could do that. What changed? Is it just because you lost everything?” “That definitely pushed me in the right direction. But, no, that wasn’t completely it. Losing everything forced me to take a good hard look at myself and the part I played in all of it. But honestly, it also made me realize that I didn’t want to fight to get it back. I

wanted something different.” “And that was Hayes?” “Hayes

wasn’t

planned.”

I

chuckle. “He’s probably the first thing in my life that wasn’t planned. We just sort of connected. It took me by surprise. And it took me by even more surprise that I wanted to pursue it. Hayes never would’ve been part of any of my plans. And I think that’s why it works. Because

being with him isn’t a game. It’s what I want.” “Why are you telling me all of this?” Emmy asks. “Because I meant what I said the other day. I want to be friends again.” “Why?” “Being with Hayes makes me realize what true friendship is. And you were a true friend to me, Emmy. In fact,

you’re the only true friend I ever had before Hayes. What I did to you sucked, and I want to make up for it. But more than that, I want a real friendship.” “Okay.” Emmy nods. “Okay? Really?” My heart jumps in my chest. Squealing, I scoot forward, and pull Emmy into a giant hug. She coughs. “Geez. Well, one thing that hasn’t changed is your love for

perfume.” “Oh, that will never change,” I say with a light laugh. Emmy shakes her head. “Man, I really hope this isn’t a mistake.” “It’s not. You’ll see.”

HAYES

Red lips. Shimmering eyes. Curly hair. It all flashes in my face, alluring and sexy. And I have to swallow hard. “Hayes?” Mom comes up behind me. I hurriedly click off the computer.

“What are you looking at?” “N-nothing.” “Hayes?” Mom’s face scrunches up in a disappointed scowl. “Were you watching porn?” “God, no.” I shake my head vehemently. “I know you guys think it’s no big deal, but trust me, honey, it’s harmful. I mean, think about what Ashley would

think. She’s already so fragile.” “Mom,” I stop her, unable to continue with this conversation. I click back into what I was watching. Pointing at it, I say, “It is Ashley.” “What?” She peers over my shoulder resting her arms on the back of my chair. “Oh, she looks so pretty. Her makeup is amazing.” “That’s what she’s doing in this

video. Showing girls, women, whatever, how to do their makeup like that.” “If only I were twenty years younger, I’d watch that tutorial.” “You could wear your makeup like that,” I say. “Nah.” She waves away my words with a flick of her wrist. On the screen, Ashley is now makeup-free. She’s applying moisturizer

all over face. “She

looks

gorgeous

even

without any makeup on,” Mom observes. “Yeah, she does.” I smile, staring into the eyes of the girl I love. “So is this up online? Like, can other people watch it?” “Not yet,” I explain. “That’s sort of why I panicked when you came in. Ashley’s a little nervous about people

seeing it. She wanted me to watch it first.” Mom watches with fascination as Ashley applies eyeshadow. “She’s really talented. She should definitely upload it.” “That’s what I plan to tell her. She’s actually on her way over.” She had texted a few minutes ago saying that she was coming from Emmy’s house. I was a

little

worried

because

she

didn’t

indicate how it went. Knowing how angry Emmy was at the party, I’m guessing it didn’t go well. I don’t think she’ll give Ashley another chance. She may not have even given her the opportunity to explain. A knock on the door catches our attention. Mom springs into action. “I

better go grab it before your grandpa decides to try to get up.” He’s been doing that lately, even though his nurse was clear that he isn’t supposed to be moving around without assistance. Mom races out of my room while I click off of Ashley’s video. By the time I stand up, Ashley’s in my doorway expression.

wearing

an

unreadable

“How’d it go?” I venture. She steps inside the room. “Really well, surprisingly.” “She forgave you?” Smiling widely, she nods. “Yeah, she did.” “Huh.” I look down at my shoulders. First the left one, then the right one. Ashley leans in the doorframe,

appearing confused. “What are you doing?” “Looking to see if it’s obvious that I’m missing some charm, since clearly it’s been rubbing off on you.” “Hardy-har.” She rolls her eyes. “C’mere.” I hold out my arms. She hoists off the wall and slowly walks toward me. When she reaches me, she lifts her hand and rights

my hat. “I still don’t understand how it always ends up sideways,” she mutters. “One of the many mysteries of life.” She snorts. “I don’t think it’s quite that big of a deal.” “Everything concerning me is a big deal.” She nestles into me, and I tighten my arms around her. “If you say so.”

“I watched your video.” Her head instantly pops up. “What did you think?” When I don’t immediately respond, her face twists and she pulls away from me. “Oh, I was stupid, wasn’t I? I was trying really hard not to be all high-pitched and squeaky, but it’s like I couldn’t help it. Like I was possessed. huh?”

I was

over-enthusiastic,

“Ash.”

I

gently

grab

her

shoulders. “It was perfect. You were great. Your voice wasn’t anymore highpitched and squeaky than usual.” She punches me in the shoulder. “Shut up.” “Kidding. I love your highpitched voice. It’s like dating Minnie Mouse, and I totally had a thing for her when I was little.”

“Hayes.” She tries to suppress a giggle, but she fails. “What? She was hot with her little red skirt.” I growl. Ashley shoves me backwards. “Stop.” “Okay, okay. I’ll be serious.” I force a somber look. “I was really into Daisy Duck. Not Minnie.” “Hayes!”

She

hollers,

exasperated. “What’s going on in here?” Mom pokes her head in, eyebrows raised. “Oh, you know, the usual,” Ashley responds. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with Hayes about my video, but he’s making jokes about Daisy Duck.” Mom

and

Ashley

share

a

conspiratorial look. “Yeah. Been there,”

Mom says. Then she steps into the room. “But honestly, your video is amazing.” Ashley’s face colors, and she glances at me, a question in her eyes. “You showed your mom?” I throw up my hands. “She walked in on me. She thought I was lookin’ at porn. What was I supposed to do?” “You look at porn?” Ashley’s

brows furrow. “No.” Geez. Between the two of them I’m going to get my ass kicked today. Her shoulders relax, and she turns to my mom. “You really thought it was good?” “Oh, yeah. I would definitely watch your videos if you were online.” “You would?” Ashley responds.

“In fact, I was hoping maybe you could

help

me

with my makeup

sometime,” Mom says. “Like maybe next Friday night?” I stop breathing. “Next Friday night, huh?” Ashley smiles. Crossing my arms over my chest, I stand with my legs apart as if I’m ready to pounce. “What’s next Friday night?”

“I sorta have a date.” “What? Since when?” I snap. Ashley places a steadying hand on my arm. “A guy from work asked me out,” Mom explains. “He’s really nice. I think you’d like him.” I bite back a snarky remark. It’s uncalled for anyway. Mom should be allowed to date. Still, she needs to know

I’ll be looking out for her. “He better be nice if he’s taking out my mom or he’s going to have to answer to me.” Mom chuckles. “I’ll be sure to let him know that you said that.” “You do that,” I say. “Now that the pissing contest is done,” Ashley says with a smirk, “we can move on to what’s important – fashion.” Her gaze travels up and down

Mom’s body. “Yeah, I could totally help you. We could actually go shopping this week. I can help you pick out an entire outfit.” “I’d love that.” Mom smiles. “Me

too.”

Ashley’s

smile

matches Mom’s, and it makes my insides flip. The two most important women in my life are bonding. I couldn’t ask for anything better.

ASHLEY One thousand views. Eight hundred likes. Two dislikes. Haters. I put up the video last night before I went to bed, and I was expecting maybe a handful of views by morning. Certainly not a thousand. This is crazy. My cell buzzes on my nightstand. I rush to grab it.

Hayes: Way to go, baby. I smile. He must’ve looked first thing this morning too. I’d texted him last night before bed to tell him I uploaded the video. Me: Thanks. I’m excited. Hayes: Mom’s excited about her shopping trip too. Don’t make her look too good. I don’t want this guy getting the wrong idea about my mom.

I chuckle, loving how protective he is of her. Me: I’ll do my best. Hayes: That’s not a promise. Me: I’m not making promises. Your mom is a pretty woman. I’m not going to make her look ugly. Hayes: Traitor. Laughing, I toss the phone onto my bed. After one last glance at the

computer, I snatch up the outfit I’m planning to wear today and head across the hallway to the bathroom. Once inside, I turn on the shower. Heat and steam fill the room. Peeling off my pajamas, I step under the hot stream and let it beat down on my back. My mind drifts to Hayes. To his muscular chest and heart-stopping smile. I fantasize about his tender kisses and

gentle touches. We haven’t done anything more than kiss, but sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to go further with him. But the truth is, I’m not ready yet. I know it seems weird coming from someone who’s been around the block more than a few times, but that’s what makes this so exciting. The waiting. The anticipation. I’ve never had this before. However, more than that, I love

knowing I’m worth the wait. That his relationship with me is based on love. He wants to be with me. To get to know the person I am. To talk and spend time together. There is so much more to what we have than physical intimacy, and that’s new to me. After washing off, I step out of the shower. Still daydreaming about Hayes, I get dressed and fix my hair and

makeup. When I emerge from the bathroom, a cloud of chemicals spill into the hallway. “What’s this?” Mom snaps when I step into my room. Startled, I leap back. My heart hammers under my rib cage, and I inhale slowly. Then I let it out in one big exhale. “Mom, you scared the crap outta me.”

Mom is pointing at my computer screen wearing an accusatory look. “Did your dad or I give you permission to splash your face all over the internet?” “It’s a makeup tutorial, Mom. Lots of teenagers are doing it. People even get famous this way. It could be the perfect thing to get my fashion career going.” Mom laughs. “Fashion career.”

I bristle at her mocking tone. “I could have a fashion career. Hayes thinks the video is good.” “Hayes is a guy. What does he know?” “His mom thinks it’s good too.” Glaring, Mom cocks her head to the side. “Oh, really? Hayes’ mom thinks it’s good. Yeah. And she’s one I’d take fashion

advice

from,”

Mom

says

sarcastically. “Have you taken a good look at that woman? She’s a fashion disaster, just like that son of hers. Honestly, I don’t know why you waste your time with that family. They’re beneath us. She’s a nurse, for god sakes. And her husband walked out on her. What does that tell you?” I’m stunned by how cold Mom is being. “Hayes is the greatest guy I’ve

ever known. He treats me better than any other guy I’ve dated. Why can’t you be happy for me?” “Wake up, Ashley. He’s a loser. He’s never going to give you the life you deserve. The most you can hope for is to end up like his mom. Is that what you want? “Better than ending up like you,” I snap, stunned by my own outburst. “At

least she’s a good mom.” With shaking fingers, I snatch my purse off my dresser. “In fact, I’m going to meet with her now. We’re going shopping. She has asked for my

fashion

expertise.

Seems

she

believes in me more than my own mom. Glad I have someone who cares about me.” “Oh, really?” An evil smile sweeps Mom’s face. “Where was all

this care when she was cozying up to your dad?” The air leaves me like a deflated raft. And that’s exactly what I feel like. Like a raft being tossed about in the waves. “W-what are you talking about? She’s never cozied up to dad.” “Why do you think your dad works so many hours? It’s not for the patients. Trust me.” Bitterness taints

every word. The walls close in around me, and I find it difficult to draw breath. I’m a deflated raft, and I’m sinking, slipping beneath the surface of the water. I can feel the pull of the current, the tug of the waves. “And you’re sure it’s her? Mrs. Parker?” My voice sounds weird, distant, airy.

“Yes, I’m sure,” she snaps. “I saw them together.” I think about all I’ve shared with Hayes, all the time I’ve spent at his house. When Mrs. Parker asked me to help her get ready for her date, was that with my dad? Nausea rolls over me. Clutching my stomach, I blindly stumble from my room. I have to get out of here. Away from Mom’s words.

Away from it all. The world spins around me as I push my way outside and stagger down the walkway. The wind mocks me, the clouds taunt me. When I see the neighbor step out of her house, I quickly avert my gaze. I’m in no mood to talk to anyone right now. After slipping into my car, I feel my phone buzz from inside my purse. I

yank it out and see a text from Mrs. Parker telling me she’s at the mall waiting for me. My stomach twists. There’s no way I’m meeting her now. I glance at my house picturing my angry, bitter mom inside. But there’s no way in hell I’m staying here. As I turn on the engine, I know exactly where I need to go, and who I

need to talk to.

***

I reach my destination in no time. It’s not far from my house. After getting out of my car, I hurry forward, head held high, my steps certain. I don’t look around. As I enter the building, I make my way around the corner and up the stairs,

ignoring everyone who gets in my path. The closer I get to his office, I pray he’s inside and not making the rounds or tending to a patient. If that’s the case, I may never find him. When I reach his office door, I take a deep breath, smoothing down my skirt. Dad doesn’t do well with emotion. I have to stay steady, strong. It’s the only way to get the answers I deserve. Lifting

my hand I knock, once, twice, loudly. Dad

doesn’t

tolerate

timidity.

He

responds to confidence, assurance. “Come in,” his voice rings out, causing my pulse to spike. Pushing a shaky breath from my throat, I press open the door. His head bobs up the minute I enter, and his eyes immediately widen. “Ashley? Is everything okay?” He

glances around. “Your mom?” He thinks I’m here because of a medical emergency. How sad is that? “Mom’s fine,” I say, realizing that is very far from the truth. Stepping further into the room, I gently close the door behind me. “You and I need to talk.” Another thing Dad doesn’t like is beating around the bush, therefore, I plan to cut to the chase. At this point I’m not

interested in small talk either. “O-okay,” he stutters, which is out of character for him. Then he sweeps his hand out indicating one of the chairs on the opposite side of the desk from him. As I sink into it, I glance up at the

certificates

bookshelves

on

filled

the with

wall,

the

medical

journals. I think about how this is the

place Dad spends most of his time. This is what he chooses over us. Well, this and Mrs. Parker, apparently. As my gaze scans the room, I wonder how often she’s been in here. Has it been more times than I’ve been here? Probably. “What did you need to talk about?” Dad leans forward, stroking his chin. He’s doing his best to appear nonchalant,

but

I

can

feel

his

nervousness radiating through this room like the heat of the sun on a warm day. “Mom told me about the affair,” I blurt out. “Oh.” He straightens, dropping his hand on the desk. “I see.” My heart plummets. “So it’s true?” “I’m afraid so,” he says, eyeing me as if I’m a wild animal. Like I’m a

hungry lion that might attack at any moment. “You have to understand, marriage is complicated, and your mom and I have had a lot of issues over the years.” Annoyed, I hold up my hand to stop him. “I didn’t come for a therapy session, Dad. And I don’t want your stupid explanations. What you’ve done hasn’t only hurt mom, it’s hurt me too.

You’ve abandoned both of us. Do you even care about that?” A sob tears through my throat, but I choke it back. “Do you even care about us?” “Of course I do.” “And you show it by having an affair with one of your nurses?” I rub a hand down my face, panic gripping me. There’s no way I can continue to date Hayes after this. And he’s the first boy

I’ve ever loved. My parents’ ability to destroy my life never ceases to amaze me. “Dad, this is so messed up. And now you’ve ruined everything. I mean, why did it have to be my boyfriend’s mom of all people?” “Your boyfriend’s mom? No, that’s not right. Tawny doesn’t have any children.” I freeze. “Tawny? That’s her

name? So it’s not Mrs. Parker?” “Nurse Parker?” Dad shakes his head. “No. I’m not having an affair with Nurse Parker. Why did you think that?” “Mom told me.” “Oh.” Dad nods as if he’s having an epiphany. “One day your mom came tearing in here and I was having a meeting with Nurse Parker. It was around that same time that she told me

she’d found out I was having an affair. She asked me if it was with one of the nurses. I assumed she knew which one, so I said yes. I didn’t realize she thought it was Nurse Parker and not Tawny.” “How long ago was this?” “I don’t know.” He shrugs. “It was months ago.” I don’t know what’s sadder. That he’s having an affair or that he doesn’t

even know how long ago my mom found out about it. I never want a marriage like theirs. I can’t believe I spent so much of my life wanting to be like Mom. I’d rather be poor and loved, than rich and unloved. In this moment all I feel for Mom is pity. “So, you have a boyfriend, huh?” It’s odd to have him ask me such a benign question in the middle of such a

charged conversation. “Um…yeah, I do. Hayes Parker.” “Oh, yeah. His grandpa was in here not long ago. Nice young man.” How can he be so casual right now? “He is a very nice young man. He’s the kind of guy who would never do what you’re doing right now.” “Ah, to be a teenager and to see

the world in black and white,” Dad muses. “Life becomes much more complicated as you get older. You’ll see.” “I really hope I don’t. I hope I turn out nothing like you or mom.” Angry, I stand up, but my legs are wobbly and almost give out on me. I reach out and grip the desk to steady myself.

“Ashley.” Dad stands too. “I am sorry I hurt you.” “You really don’t seem sorry, Dad.” “What can I do?” He asks. “Tell me what I can do to make it up to you. To show you that I’m genuinely sorry.” I’m about to tell him he can go to hell, when a thought strikes me. I know exactly what he can do.

HAYES I’ve been texting and calling Ashley for hours with no response. Mom waited at the mall for almost an hour before leaving, and we’ve been worried sick ever since. Neither of us have said a word to my grandpa because we don’t want him to get worked up. Luckily he’s been in his room lying down. He hasn’t

been feeling great today. It isn’t like Ashley to avoid me like this, and I keep picturing her lying in a ditch somewhere. Grabbing my cell phone and keys off the coffee table, I stand up. “I can’t keep sitting around here waiting for her to call. I’m gonna go out and look for her.” The only place I tried so far was her house, but her mom slammed the

door in my face. I have no idea why that woman hates me so much. But from what she did say, I know Ashley’s not home, and her mom hasn’t heard from her either. She said Ashley left the house that morning to go to the mall. “Where will you go?” Worried lines etch Mom’s face. “I don’t know.” I shake my head. “But I’m going stir crazy.”

“Maybe try the hospital.” My stomach bottoms out. “You really think she’s been hurt?” Mom shrugs. “Well you said that she wasn’t acting strange at all this morning. And even her mom said she was on the way to the mall. What else could’ve happened?” As I hurry toward the front door, my heart hammers in my chest. Silently I

pray that she hasn’t been in an accident. I pray that she’s okay. When I step outside, cold air skates over my skin. As I race toward my car, lights block my path. Squinting, I look at the car pulling into my driveway. My heart lifts. Ashley. She’s barely out of the car before I sweep her into my arms. “Oh, thank god you’re okay.” “I’m fine,” she says, but her

voice is off. I pull back. Her cheeks are wet, her eyes moist. “What happened?” “It’s just been a really bad day,” she says between sobs. I slide my palms down the sides of her face and kiss her nose. “I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day, but I’m so relieved you’re here and in one piece. Mom and I were so worried.”

She stiffens. “Hayes, I feel so bad that I flaked on your mom. She probably hates me right now.” “Hates you? No. Not at all. She was sure something bad had happened to you. Ash. She’s not mad at you, she cares about you. When she finds out you’re all right she’ll be overjoyed.” “Really?” “Really,” I assure her. “Now tell

me what happened.” She lowers her head, more tears falling from her eyes. Her hair falls into her face, strands sticking to her cheek. I pry them off, brushing them back. “You’re gonna think I’m stupid.” “I’ll never think you’re stupid, Ash.” She takes a deep breath, and without lifting her head she begins to

speak. “This morning when I was getting ready to meet your mom, my mom came in my room. She started getting angry with me for the online tutorial.” “Why would she get mad about that?” “I don’t know.” She shakes her head in confusion, and anger rises in me. That woman has caused so much damage to Ashley. When will it end? “But it

doesn’t matter. That’s not what this is about.” She inhales, and I can tell she’s trying to shove her uncontrollable emotions back down. But it’s a losing battle, and her lips begin to quiver again. I stroke her face. “It’s okay, Ash. You’re here with me. Everything’s going to be okay.” She nods, sniffing. “When I told my mom who I was going shopping with,

she said that your mom was having an affair with my dad.” “What?

No,”

I say firmly,

stepping back from Ashley. “There’s no way.” She reaches for me desperately. “You’re right. She’s not. My mom had it wrong. It’s not your mom, it’s another nurse.” Her words are like a knife to my

heart. The revelation that her dad is having an affair with one of his nurses must be killing her. “Ash, I’m sorry.” Tears pour down her face, and her shoulders shake. “I went to his office and confronted him, and he confessed everything. He didn’t even seem sorry. All this time I thought he chose his job over us, but he chose another woman over us too.”

I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. There’s nothing I can say to make it better, so I don’t say a word. I simply stroke her hair as she sobs into my chest. After a few minutes, she lifts her head. “Please don’t tell your mom I thought the worst of her. I really want her to like me.” “I won’t tell her if you don’t want me to. But, trust me, she wouldn’t

think any less of you if she knew. And she already likes you.” “Even after today?” “Let’s go in and talk to her so you can see for yourself.” I grab her hand. She frantically wipes at her face. “My mom’s not afraid of some tears.” “Hayes.” Ashley stops walking, holding my hand in place. I turn around. “Yeah?”

“I’ve been like him, you know? I’ve been selfish and mean, and I’ve cheated.” “We’ve been through this. You’re different now.” “I know. I think it all just hit me pretty hard tonight. The ways I’ve hurt people.” I step toward her and gently kiss the crown of her head. “Then that’s one

way you’re not like him.” A tiny smile flickers over her lips. It’s fast. So fast I almost miss it. But I don’t, and it gives me a small sense of hope. When we step inside, Mom leaps up. Her mouth gapes open when she spots Ashley, and she immediately rushes toward us. “Honey, what happened to you?”

She asks, her gaze traveling her body as if assessing for damage. I can already see her nurse’s mind kicking into high gear. “I’m fine,” Ashley says. “Well, at least, physically I am.” Mom’s gaze rests on Ashley’s face, taking in the tear stains. “Wanna talk about it? I can make us some tea.” At my mom’s sincere concern,

Ashley breaks. She tumbles forward into my mom’s arms, the waterworks starting again. “It was the worst day. My dad is having an affair, and my mom didn’t like my video,” Ashley blurts out so fast it comes out sounding like one long word. “There, there.” Mom rubs circles over Ashley’s back. “It’s gonna be all right.” “And I feel so bad that I wasn’t

there for you. I know you needed my help.” Mom lifts Ashley’s chin, looking directly into her eyes. “Ashley, I didn’t ask you to go shopping with me because I needed help. I asked you because I wanted to spend the day with you. I thought it would be fun to go shopping, maybe grab some lunch with my favorite girl.”

“Your favorite girl?” Ashley whispers in awe. When her gaze finds mine, the emotion in her irises almost causes me to cry. But it doesn’t. Of course it doesn’t, because I’m a guy and guys don’t do that. “Yep. But don’t worry about today. We have plenty of other days to go shopping and do lunch.” “I’d like that,” Ashley says,

wiping her nose. “Me too.” Mom brushes hair from Ashley’s face. “Now, why don’t you and I go get that tea?” “I’ll go check on Gramps. He’s probably been eavesdropping enough to know what’s going on anyway,” I say, heading out of the room. But the girls barely notice me. Their heads are bent together in deep conversation. But it

doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, it may be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

***

It’s the first game of the fall season. My nerves are frayed. Our scrimmages haven’t been the best. We’re struggling to work together as a team. It’s clear

now how much we relied on Cal and Chris. Not just for their skills, but for their leadership. They were the glue that held this team together. As I warm up by swinging the bat, I scan the bleachers. Grandpa is stuck at home, still recovering. We both were hoping he’d be well enough to attend the first game. When I left the house this morning, I did my best to

cheer him up about it. But the truth is, I’m as sad about it as he is. My gaze travels through all the bleachers. I see a lot of familiar faces, but not Ashley or my mom. The game is about to start, so hopefully they’ll be here soon. I’m sure they’ll show up together. Those two have been attached at the hip lately. Ever since that night when Ashley showed up at our house

crying, Mom’s been taking her out a lot, and Ashley’s been helping my mom with her makeup and clothes. Also,

Mom’s

offered

her

assistance with the online tutorials. Not that Ashley needs

assistance.

Her

channel has taken off. She has thousands of subscribers. Ashley is shocked, but I’m not. I knew she’d be a success. I love how her relationship with

my mom is evolving though. The closer she gets with my mom, the more I see her opening up. The more vulnerable she’s becoming. And I’ve realized that what Ashley’s needed even more so than a loving boyfriend or friends or a grandpa figure, is a mom. I wish that her mom could fill that void, but since she isn’t, I’m grateful to my mom for stepping up. Coach Hopkins calls us over, so

I abandon the search for my girls and jog over to the rest of the team. After Coach finishes his instructions, the game starts. Heading into the dugout, I glance one more time into the stands, but Ashley and Mom still haven’t arrived. A funny feeling drops into my gut, but I ignore it. I’m not going to let fear grip me now. I’m sure they’re just running behind. The first inning starts, and I sit in

the dugout while the first few batters are up. When it’s my turn, I grip the bat and jog out to home plate. I swing a few times for practice. Then I get in position, focusing on the ball. When it comes at me, I swing hard, connecting with it. The ball shoots out over the outfielder’s head making its way toward the outer fence. Dropping the bat, I take off running as fast as I can. The stands erupt in cheers

all around me, but I can hardly hear it over the pounding of my heart and my cleats on the dirt. I round first, then second, then third, and set my sights on home. As I continue to run, I can feel the energy in the stadium and it fuels me. When my feet hit home plate, the cheering is so loud it envelopes me, cocooning me in its enthusiasm. Smiling, I glance over to the

bleachers, and my heart leaps in my chest. Ashley and Mom sit right in the front row, and next to them is Ashley’s dad, my grandpa’s nurse and my grandpa. He’s in his wheelchair, but he’s here. And he’s clapping demonstratively right along with everyone else. I swallow back the lump in my throat. No way am I crying here in front of the team. But if there was ever a time when I

wanted to, it would be now. I step to the fence and motion Ashley out of her seat. She stands and comes toward me. “You did this, didn’t you?” She nods. “It was so hard to keep the secret, but I wanted to surprise you.” “I’m definitely surprised.” My gaze flickers to her dad. “How did you make it work?”

“Let’s just say my dad owed me a little favor.” She winks, and I know exactly how she finagled this. “Parker, get the hell back in the dugout,” Coach hollers. “This is not going to be a repeat of Alcott and his girl.” I chuckle, pulling away from the fence. “Too bad, because a kiss was sounding pretty good right about now.”

Ashley smiles.

“How

about

this?” Bringing her palm to her lips, she kisses it and then sweeps her hand out. I pretend to catch it, and she giggles. It’s cheesy, but I don’t care. I’d do about anything to see her smile.

ASHLEY I stand off to the side, giving Hayes privacy so he can talk to his grandpa. The look on his face when he caught sight of Henry during the game made all of this worth it. I’ve been so angry with my dad. The last thing I wanted was to spend the morning with him. However, I’d do it a million more times to see

Hayes happy like this. Henry too. “It was a really nice thing you did for him.” Dad approaches. I nod. “Thanks for all your help.” He wears a sheepish grin. “I owed you.” I frown, his words a stark reminder of the real reason he’s here. Wouldn’t it be great if my parents did nice things for me out of the kindness of

their hearts and not because they were forced into it? That’s what other parents did. “Hey.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Tawny’s gone. She transferred to another hospital.” My head snaps up. “So, does that mean…?” I’m afraid to finish the question. “It’s over between us,” he says.

“You finding out about it, and showing up at my work like that really drove home what I’d done. The damage I caused.” “Does Mom know?” He nods. “We’re going to try to work things out. And I made it clear that I was never having an affair with Nurse Parker.” His gaze flickers over to Hayes and his family. “Hayes really cares

about you. Actually, his whole family does.” When he returns his attention to me, I swallow down the emotion rising in my throat. “I’m proud of you, Ashley.” It’s the first time my dad’s ever said that, and my eyes well with tears. I blink them back. Dad smiles, shoving a hand in his pocket. “Well, Henry needs to get home. I said I would go with him to help

get him situated.” “Thanks again, Dad,” I whisper as he walks off. Taking a deep breath, I mull over his words, my heart lifting. “Seriously, Ash, I can’t believe you’re still playing poor Hayes like this.” Josh saunters over to me. His hat is low on his head, darkening his eyes. The familiar scent that used to make my heart race fills my senses. Only now I

feel nothing. It’s oddly satisfying. In fact, the only person I’m thinking about right now is Hayes and how much I want to see him. “I mean, I’m sure Talia and that group would take you back. And there are plenty of other guys who want to go out with you.” He moves closer. “Hell, I’d take you back. So ditch Hayes and Emmy and all those losers and get back on top where you belong.”

There was a time when I would’ve given anything to hear those words. To know that I could get it all back. My popularity. My queen bee status. Even Josh. But none of that matters to me anymore. Stepping away from Josh, I shake my head. “I’m not playing Hayes. And I’m not dumping him. I love him.” Josh laughs. “Dude, for a second

I thought you said you loved him.” “That is what I said.” “Wait.” Josh holds up his hands as if in surrender. A doubtful look paints his features. “What?” “I love him,” I repeat, hoping it sinks in. “Like you’re in love with him?” “Yep.” I smile, images of Hayes filling my mind.

“And have you told him this?” The smug look has returned. He thinks he has me. “Of course,” I say. “I tell him everything.” Josh frowns. “What do you mean you tell him everything?” I shrug. “We’re open with each other.” He snorts. “Yeah, right. You’re

open with him? So you tell him all your deep dark secrets? You talk about your family and your feelings?” His voice takes on a nasally tone, and I know he’s mocking me. It reminds me of why I’m glad not to be with him anymore. “Pretty much.” He sobers up. “But you never told me shit.” “It’s different with Hayes. He’s

different.” “He’s

certainly

made

you

different,” he says sourly, his gaze traveling up and down my body. “Hey,” Hayes’ voice reaches my ears. “Everything okay?” He steps toward me, eyeing Josh warily. “Hey, you.” I step into his arms, and they effortlessly wrap around me. “Everything’s fine. Josh and I were just

talking.” “Yeah,” Josh grounds out. “We were

talking

about

how

you’ve

brainwashed Ashley.” Laughing, I shake my head. Hayes tosses me a puzzled look. “I was just explaining to Josh how much I love you.” A large grin sweeps across Hayes’ face. He bends down and kisses

me tenderly on the forehead. “Not as much as I love you.” “Eww.” Josh groans. “Am I on one of those hidden camera shows? No way is this for real. You guys are acting like Emmy and Chris.” After the words leave his mouth, his eyes widen. “Oh, my god. This is what I do to girls.” I giggle. “Yeah, you drive them right into the arms of another guy.”

Josh glares at me. “Nice to see you still have that wicked humor.” “That’s my girl.” Hayes playfully slaps my backside, and I yelp. Josh shakes his head. “Never thought I’d see the day when Ashley would let someone call her “their girl” and she’d be okay with that. The Ashley I knew wanted to be her own person. In fact, she made it her life’s mission.”

Underneath his mean spirited words, I know Josh is hurting. In the time we dated, it became clear that under this tough exterior is a little boy who desperately wants approval. The truth is that Josh and I really aren’t that different. I think it’s one of the things that attracted us. I also think it’s what drove us apart. We were too broken to be together. We only succeeded in tearing

each other apart. But I have no desire to hurt him further. Honestly, I want nothing more than for him to find his Hayes. I mean, not his Hayes, obviously. A girl version of Hayes. I want him to find a girl who will love him and allow him to open up. Someone who will help him heal. “That’s the beauty of what Hayes

and I have,” I explain. “I am my own person. More so than I’ve ever been before. He doesn’t take anything from me. He adds to me.” Josh takes off his hat, running his hands through his hair. “Ash, you sound like a damn greeting card.” I giggle. “One day you’ll see what I’m talking about.” Glancing up at Hayes, I say, “One day you’ll meet your

soul mate. The person that makes your heart sing. The person who brings out the best in you. And when you find them, you’ll never want to let them go.” “Okay, I’m outta here. I need a damn shower after that speech. Clean all the sap off.” Josh storms off. Hayes and I burst into laughter. “I see what he’s saying though.” Hayes faces me. “That was pretty

sappy.” “But I meant every word.” “I know you did,” he murmurs, his face moving closer. “Right back at ya.” His lips crash over mine with such force I almost fall over. To keep from toppling into the grass, I loop my arms around his neck. When Hayes rests his hand on my waist, my feet lift from the ground. But I don’t fall. Hayes is strong.

He can hold me up. It’s what he’s good at. He carried me through one of the toughest times of my life, and he continues to carry me now. I melt into him, content in his arms. And I pray that he will never let go.

THE END

PLAY DIRTY (Make the Play #4) – Josh’s story – coming summer 2016! Sign up for my newsletter to get release information, exclusive giveaways, and insider information: http://eepurl.com/sp8Q9

AUTHOR’S NOTE AND ACKNOWLEDGMEN When I originally outlined the MAKE THE PLAY series, I had the first two books all mapped out, but the final two books remained a mystery. But once I wrote PLAY SAFE and PLAY HARD, I fell in love with Hayes and knew that I wanted him to have his own book. Now

all the remained was figuring out who his romantic interest would be. After writing PLAY SAFE, I knew that I wanted the last book in the series to be about Josh. A little insider info: In the last book Christian’s mom and Josh’s dad will get married, so I’m bringing back Chris for the wedding. So I sort of had to make the final book about Josh so I could explore his relationship with his

new stepbrother. With this in mind, it became clear that Ashley would need to be Hayes’ love interest. At first the idea scared me. I had no idea how I would redeem Ashley. She’d been our villain for two books and so far I hadn’t seen a lot of redeemable qualities. But as I sat down to think through her story, I realized that all of us have been like Ashley at one time or another. We’ve all

screwed up, made mistakes, and been mean. And in high school it’s even worse. Teenagers step on each other to climb the social ladder. At times they’re selfish and cruel. We’ve all been there, right? At one point or another we’ve all needed redemption. So that was the spirit in which I started writing Ashley’s story. I’d already set up Ashley’s family

dynamic in earlier books, so all I had to do was expand on that. And the more I got to know Ashley the more she grew on me. The more I liked her. Hayes

was

great

from the

beginning. He’s the jokester. The nice guy. The giant teddy bear. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and give him a huge hug. I hope you felt the same way about him. And I hope you enjoyed

his story. As always, I have many people to thank: First, I have to thank the love of my life, Andrew. You always support, encourage and love me. I’m the luckiest woman alive. Second, I have to thank my kids – Kayleen and Eli. You are constant inspirations to me. And I love you more

than words can express. Third, I have to thank those who helped me shape this book. They are as follows: Matt and Kagen – your baseball knowledge is priceless. Lisa Richardson – your editing skills are unmatched. So lucky to have you. Megan Squires – Thank you for

reading as I wrote and encouraging me along the way. Fan club – Your enthusiasm keeps me going. Matt at the Cover Lure – Your cover is so perfect. I’m in love with it. Beth Shelby – Thanks for being my blurb fairy. And mostly, thank you to God. Everything I do is for you.

ABOUT AUTHOR

THE

Amber Garza is the author of the bestselling Playing for Keeps Series, as well as many other bestselling young adult romance novels including Tripping Me Up and The Summer We Fell. She also has several new adult and adult romance novels including Break Free, Star Struck and Head Above Water. She has had a passion for the written word since she was a child making books out of notebook paper and staples. Her hobbies include reading and singing. Coffee and wine are her drinks of choice (not necessarily in that order). She

writes while blaring music, and talks about her characters like they’re real people. She currently lives in California with her amazing husband, and two hilarious children who provide her with enough material to keep her writing for years.