A Little Less Girl - Tess Oliver

A Little Less Girl Tess Oliver Copyright © 2011 by Tess Oliver Smashwords Edition Smashwords Edition, License Notes This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. This book is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are

used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by an means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author.

Chapter 1 Jake I didn’t go looking for addiction; it came on its own in a lemon yellow Mustang. No lighter and pipe, no syringe, just a tiny scar interrupting an amazing pair of lips. The clutch went straight to the floor, and my jeep lurched forward one last time before dying on the side of the road. I stepped out and slammed the door hard. The inch long crack in the windshield branched across the entire glass. My gaze drifted to the pine filled gorge directly below the road. It looked tempting. Just put the thing in neutral and send it over the edge. The charred black spot where Amy’s car had landed sat directly below. It was as if my own jeep had turned against me, breaking down there on purpose to remind me that I was a jerk. Not that I needed reminding. The vase of dead flowers and the pathetically filthy toy polar bear lay crumpled and dirty on the roadside memorial. Right after the suicide, the road had been lined with flowers, balloons, and hand-drawn posters declaring how much everyone had loved Amy. It was all such bull. The same people had never given her the time of day when she was alive. The scent of lime drifted up from the unattended roadside memorial. Someone had visited the spot recently and left a bowl of

something green. There was a little sign next to the bowl that read “in case there’s no lime Jello in heaven. Love D.” I stared at the bizarre tribute for a second then headed home on foot. The air began to cool, and the late afternoon clouds came to their resting place on the surrounding peaks. Parking spots and businesses along Main Street stood empty as Sunday evening slid into Raynesville. The theater’s orange façade looked harsher in the late day sun. The monotony of the place could choke you like one of those stupid ties you have to wear to a wedding or funeral. But no matter how hard you drag at your collar, the place sucked the breath out of you. Around the corner, the tall, white water tower threw a shadow across the road. This morning the words save me a place in hell had been scrawled in black paint along the water tank’s perimeter. The sight of it had made my morning, but the graffiti had already been covered up. Stuff like that wasn’t tolerated in Raynesville. A rush of air prompted a swirl of dust from the road and an old, yellow mustang with an engine that sounded choked with sludge and rust followed. The windows were open, and I could hear tunes blasting inside as it flew past. Strange cars rarely drove through town unless the driver was lost. I watched it disappear up the road. Another engine revved behind me. Alex blasted his horn, scraped the curb, and slammed his truck to a halt. I heard him jump out, but I didn’t stop walking. He raced up next to me. I glanced sideways at him. “Nothing says I’m an ass better than that horn of yours.” He was wearing his bulky letterman’s jacket even though it was warm out. Bad grades had gotten him dropped

from the team this year. This upset the football coach a lot more than it did Alex. “Yeah, I know. It’s perfect.” Alex could shoot a football across the field like a bullet and down twelve double cheeseburgers in one sitting. This was the extent of his talents. Although once, when we were thirteen, he did flatten fifty empty soda cans on his forehead. His mental abilities seemed to deteriorate from that point. We’d been growing apart since junior high. Alex just hadn’t figured it out yet. His father was chief of the Raynesville Police Force which sounded like a big deal but really wasn’t considering the force consisted of three deputies and one clerk. Being the son of a policeman seemed to make Alex look for trouble. His fist hit my shoulder. “I saw your jeep on the side of the road. What’s wrong with it?’ “Nothing a stick of dynamite can’t fix.” Alex laughed and continued to walk next to me. “Didn’t see you at the pool today. Katrina looked hot in her nearly invisible bikini. Seriously, Dude, she could have covered more with two of those neon pink sticky note things. How could you let her go?” I crossed the street and he followed. “Believe me, it was easy.” “Then you don’t mind if I ask her out?” “I could care less.” I looked back at his truck hoping to give him a hint. Thick heads didn’t absorb hints easily, and the more I thought about it, he and Katrina would be perfect for each other. A discarded broom stick jutted out from a trash can in front of the hardware store. Alex snatched it out and smacked the base of

the town square clock, leaving a dent. “My dad’s hired back those guys who built the barn last year. He’s building some big old shed or something. That dude, Chuck, is still working on the crew which means an endless supply of joints for me. Don’t know where the guy gets the stuff but I don’t’ care as long as he’s got it.” “Selling weed to a cop’s son. Chuck must be the stupidest guy on the planet.” Alex threw the stick like a javelin, and it got stuck in the branches of a tree. “Stupid or not, he knows his weed. Hey, where’s Blister?” “Don’t know. It’s not my week to watch him.” My tone made it clear that I was completely annoyed by his presence, but he stuck next to my side like we were conjoined twins. “Real funny. A bunch of us are meeting at the bus for one last round before school. I take it you’re not coming.” I shook my head. Drinking beer in the moss covered skeleton of a bus, a relic left behind from a time when hippies lived in the surrounding forests, was not my idea of a good time. But here in Raynesville, the discarded bus was like our night club. Alex turned and headed back to his truck. He yelled back over his shoulder. “Actually, it’s good you’re not coming. The rest of us have a better chance of getting lucky without Pretty Boy Jake around.” I didn’t look back, but I lifted my middle finger high in the air. The lost Mustang had stopped in front of the EZ Mart. The yellow was no factory paint job but one sprayed from a can in someone’s garage. Low mileage was written in white paint across

the back window as if it had just been driven off the used car lot. A bone skinny lady sleeved in tattoos walked out of the store clutching two diet sodas and a bag of mini doughnuts. Her cropped black hair stood up in spikes around the sunglasses on her head. She turned to me. “Hey, sweetie, is this the way to Crockett Road?” Her long, ring-covered finger pointed west. Heavy metal music exploding from her car made the ground shake beneath my feet. I glanced in the direction she was pointing and nodded. “Thanks,” she said and opened the car door. A long pair of creamy legs filled the area in front of the passenger seat. The lady stopped and glanced back over her shoulder. Her eyes drifted over me for a second, then she smiled and slid into the car. Two backfires cracked the still air as she sped off toward Crockett Road, the same road that led to my house.

Chapter 2 Dani Mom ripped open the bag of donuts. “Wow, they grow them tall and tasty out here in the middle of nowhere.” I leaned forward and switched stations. “Maybe you should try someone in your own age group for a change.” “I’m only sixteen years older than you.” She took a bite and two chunks of waxy chocolate frosting fell on the ripped vinyl console between us. “Then go for it.” I slouched back down and crossed my arms. We’d argued the entire ride and after a thirty minute cry session at the place where Amy’s car drove off the road, I was in no mood for my mom’s asinine comments. Grammie and Amy were gone, and because we had to disappear from existence to keep from being hunted down by one of Mom’s psycho boyfriends, we’d missed the funerals of the two people I’d considered to be my only anchor to a normal life. Now it was just me and my strung out, multi-tattooed, junk food munching Mom. The old Mustang sputtered and lurched as Mom drove down Main Street. Shops adorned with striped awnings and offices complete with tightly carved gardens and hand painted signs lined both sides of the road. Aside from the few people at the EZ Mart, the only evidence of life were two brown dogs sniffing through the remnants of a cracker box left in front of a bus bench, and four pigeons perched on the back of that same bench scowling at the

dogs for stealing their prize. “This place is a morgue,” Mom said as she cranked down the window. Her hands drummed the beat of the song on the steering wheel. “You know, Dani, I’m not the only person who makes bad choices when it comes to guys.” “I didn’t really choose Cody, he chose me. And you invited him and his dad to stay with us.” “So Cody’s obsession with you was my fault.” “Yep.” Mom turned the car up a long road that ran along a stretch of pastures, mostly browned by the summer sun. “I seem to be the fall guy for everything that’s gone wrong in your life.” “Correct.” The car tossed up a cloud of dust as it climbed the unpaved road to Grammie’s house. The house was small and needed paint, but orange and white wildflowers lined the front yard and a porch surrounded it. It was the first time I’d seen the house. Grammie had left her hometown to live here among the mountains and trees and away from the gossip of the people who knew she’d raised two teenagers who’d found themselves pregnant, unwed, and unwanted. Amy’s mother had gone one direction, finishing school, finding a job, and trying to make a good home for her daughter. But my mom hadn’t been ready to give up her fun and freedom just because she was saddled with a baby. If it hadn’t been for my aunt and Grammie, I would never have made it past three. Grammie always came to us though, and her visits always ended with a raging fight between mom and her. We never visited Grammie here.

“Damn, I guess this is it.” Mom shut off the engine. She stared through the filthy windshield. “It ain’t much.” I looked over at her. “You’re right. Let’s go back to that sleazy motel on the highway. I’m feeling homesick for the fragrance of stale cigarette smoke, carpet mold, and whatever the heck that other smell was.” Mom opened the door. “Hey, they had some pretty fancy floral sheets in those rooms.” She stepped out of the car and slammed the door. I followed and looked at her over the hood of the yellow car. “Hate to break it to you but those weren’t floral prints.” She smiled and fished the keys out of her jean pocket. “I guess we should go inside.” We both stared at the house then willed our feet forward. Suddenly we had a home, a safe place to be, even a small bank account. It was a foreign feeling for the both of us but especially for me. I’d never had a real home before. Mom had even managed to get me yanked from our sordid existence twice. Once, I ended up in a foster home where the people ignored me as if I was merely a piece of furniture. The foster mom, who scowled from the moment she woke up until she shuffled off to bed at night, poured a ton of salt into everything she cooked. Her mashed potatoes tasted like they’d been soaked in sea water. And she’d forced me to finish every dreadful bite on my plate. Foster mom number two was worse. She always had a fake grin plastered on her face like some freaky mannequin in a store window. All day she would remind to make good decisions. Then one day, she was pulling her car out of

a parking spot, and she put a major scratch in the car next to us. She sped away without leaving a note or anything. I asked her if that had been a good decision, and I found myself back with Mom in a week. Now, it seemed, we had a chance to sleep in a place where we didn’t have to shove a chair beneath the doorknob for safety. Now, it seemed we had a chance to stay in one place longer than four months. Now, it seemed, we had a chance to be normal.

Chapter 3 Jake By the time I’d reached Crockett Road, the Mustang had already traveled up the dirt drive and parked at the house one block down from my own. It had been where Amy lived with her grandmother. The old lady had died three months after her granddaughter, and no one had lived there since. Apparently that was about to change. My stomach twisted into a knot as I stared at Amy’s house. Wildflowers that bordered the porch swayed briefly in the breeze, brushing the side of the car. Like a blip in a dead man’s EKG, the old Ford stood there, yellow, unexpected, and unsettling. My little sister, Hannah, sat on the family room rug filling her new backpack with supplies. I perched on the arm of the couch behind her. “Widget, I can’t drive you to school tomorrow. The jeep’s stuck out on Marshall Road.” Hannah was a brainiac and science expert. One day, I morphed weirdo and midget into Widget. She liked the nickname because it had some technological meaning so I never stopped using it. Hannah slid her new calculator into the front pocket of her pack. “That’s all right. I’ve already made plans to walk to school with Marty and Vivian. We want to get to school early and practice opening our lockers.” My sister had obviously been plagued by the notorious nightmare where you get to school and you can’t remember how to open your locker.

“I can’t decide whether to sign up for the debate club or the chess club,” Hannah said. I stood to leave. “Join both.” My parents put an obvious end to a conversation as I walked in on them in the office. Mom saw me first and touched Dad’s arm to hush him. “Really, you guys, I told you I didn’t want a surprise party.” My sarcasm didn’t amuse them. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt grown-up talk.” Dad shifted his attention to the papers on his desk. “That’s enough, Jake.” Mom came closer and pushed the hair out of my face. “I thought you were going to cut your hair before school started? “ I shrugged. “I like it long.” I rubbed my chin. “I’m thinking of keeping this stubble permanent too.” Dad sat on the edge of his desk. “Listen, Jake, I’ve just spoken to Coach Higgins.” I knew where this was going. “And did you have a pleasant conversation?” He stood and glared at me. “Bottom line is you’re going to get back on that swim team. He also needs you to help coach. Funds are short this year, so he won’t be hiring anyone from the university to assist.” “So I’m stuck with it?” I shook my head. “I’m not interested.” I turned to leave. “I didn’t ask you if you were interested. I’ve already told him you’ll do it.”

I looked back at him. His neck had flushed red under the collar of his shirt. “Whatever.” Two years ago I would have been stoked to have a chance to assist the coach, but now the idea sucked big time. And my enthusiasm to compete had disappeared with the rest of my old self. Once I realized how this town spread gossip, rumors, and blame like soft butter on hot toast, I’d convinced myself I had to get out of here fast after high school. I had to carry the blame for Amy’s suicide so everyone else could feel better that they had nothing to do with it. The yellow Ford clung to my thoughts. I stopped at the door and glanced over at my mom who had the usual what has happened to my wonderful boy look on her face. “There’s a car up at Amy’s house,” I said. Mom looked over at Dad like she needed his permission to tell me something. She cleared her throat but the words seemed stuck. Dad pushed off the desk and straightened. For the past year he had tried to stretch taller than me when we were face to face, but I was already a good three inches ahead. He loosened his tie. “Amy’s aunt has inherited the house. She’s moving in with her daughter.” My jaw clenched. I stepped into the hallway. The sun had gone down and the narrow passage was dark. I leaned back against the cool plaster and closed my eyes. They were the ones who’d left the gelatin at the roadside. If they knew Amy well enough to know she loved lime Jell-O, then, no doubt, they knew about the jerk, Jake West, who sent her to an early grave.

Chapter 4 Dani Dust coated everything, including the air, inside the unopened house. Traces of Grammie’s lilac perfume seemed to cling to the particles. I even imagined I could still smell cinnamon in the air as if Grammie had recently baked some of her gooey cinnamon rolls. We had baked a batch on her last visit, back when we still had an apartment with a small kitchen. She’d aged a lot and I watched her shaky, pale hands as she rolled out the dough. I’d had a moment of dread standing there with her in the fragrant kitchen. Something deep down had made me wonder if it would be the last time I saw Grammie, but I’d pushed the horrid thought out of my mind. I walked down the small, dark hall and pushed open the first door. It was Grammie’s room. The bed looked lonely with its perfectly smooth lavender bedspread and ruffled pillows. Grammie’s ceramic cat and dog collection lined two small shelves over the dresser, and a pale blue sweater was draped over the bench at the foot of the bed. Even if it was hot as blazes outside, Grammie would wear one of her soft sweaters. And she always had a handkerchief tucked in the sleeve. I walked over and lifted the sweater to my face to smell the perfume lingering on it. Tears stung my eyes as I glanced around the room trying to picture Grammie standing in it. Mom walked in carrying her duffle bag. She tossed it onto the neatly made bed. “I put your bag in the other room. I guess I’ll

sleep in here.” Without even a glance around the beautiful room, she zipped open her duffle and started rummaging through her stuff. “Where the hell are those last cigarettes?” “How should I know,” I said abruptly and left the room. Of course I knew exactly where they were because I had dropped them in the trash at the used car dealership while Mom was inside paying for the car. The next room was Amy’s room, and now it would be my room. Amy had covered one wall with one of her paintings. It was a guy with long, straight black hair. He was wearing a top hat and tails sitting astride a black horse. Underneath she’d painted the words ‘Long-haired men and horses go together like chocolate chips and cookie dough. They’re both yummy’. Grammie had never emptied the room of Amy’s belongings. How hard it must have been for her to deal with Amy’s death alone. Mom and I had fled our crummy apartment quickly and without a forwarding address or cell phones. Amy had already been in the ground a week before the beer bellied owner of the cheesy motel we’d been staying in knocked on the door to deliver the message as if he were telling us our laundry was done. “Some chick named Amy is dead. Suicide or something like that,” he’d said and returned to his office. Mom and Grammie had had a horrible fight about it, and we ended up missing Grammie’s funeral as well. I had no money to go on my own. After that, I’d told Mom that when she died I wasn’t going to her funeral either and that would mean only two people would be attending, and she would be one of them. The grave digger would be the

other. We didn’t speak for three days. I walked straight to Amy’s chest of drawers and searched for the diary she’d kept. I hoped her entries would hold some clues. I needed to know what happened to my cousin. I needed to how a girl who was always filled with laughter and who always shrugged off bad things had grown so despondent she took her own life. None of it sounded like Amy. The journal was beneath her underwear where she’d always kept it. My fingers traced the letters etched on the front of Amy’s journal. ‘Heathcliff was the ultimate bad boy, but Mr. Darcy had Pemberley.’ With her artist’s eye and colored pencils, Amy had made it look like the skillful tagging you’d see on the underpass of the freeway. Amy lived for romance. That horrible summer when an endless heat wave made the sidewalks sticky and being outdoors unbearable, that horrible summer when Amy’s mom died of heart failure, that horrible summer when it was decided that Amy would move hundreds of miles away to live with Grammie, we’d spent every minute in each other’s shadow. It was almost as if we thought we could absorb each other’s soul during those last weeks before we were separated forever. We both knew that without each other, we’d have only ourselves to depend on. And we’d spent every hot summer night plopped in front of the giant window fan in our gym shorts and bikini tops sipping cold soda and sharing secrets, scary stories, and giggle sessions that came so hard and long it made our stomachs hurt. Then I’d yank my pillow onto the floor, flop back, and listen to Amy read from a romance book. Amy’s mom hadn’t

left her much and her collection of romance novels was worth nothing but to Amy they were priceless. I tucked Amy’s journal beneath my arm and walked over to her window seat. The tartan patterned cushion had been worn to mere threads on the left side. I sat there, where Amy must have sat hundreds of times reading her romances. My gaze strayed to the window and the house at the end of the street. Amy had told me in an email once that she could see his house from her window. I wondered how much time she’d spent staring at it, waiting for a glimpse of the guy who she’d spent every waking hour dreaming about, the guy whose cruel words had splintered her into a million pieces, the guy who barely even knew she existed. My mom burst into the room. “I don’t know about you but I hate this place already.” “That’s because it belonged to Grammie,” I said. “I’m not moving again, so if you don’t like it, leave. I’m staying.” Mom stepped into the room. Her tiny t-shirt hung over her bony shoulders. Even though she’d been off drugs for several months, she still looked skeletal. She had not gone clean voluntarily, but she had nothing left to sell. And even without chemicals in her veins, she looked like she was ready to jump out of her skin. “I didn’t hate your Grandma. We just never got along, that’s all.” She stood in front of Amy’s painting. “Damn, that kid had talent. What a waste.” She spun around. “Did you see that wall in the dining room with the corny paint-by number picture collection? Those are definitely coming down.” “Grammie painted those. You’re not taking them down.” After

the long ride here where we’d spent half the trip screaming at each other and the other half sulking in silence with the radio blaring, I’d had more than enough of my mom for the day. “They are ugly.” I clutched Amy’s journal against my chest. “No, that hideous looking skeleton tattoo on your forearm is ugly. Grammie’s paintings are cool. Don’t even think about touching them.” She stared at me. Mom’s face rarely registered emotion anymore. I didn’t know if it was because we’d been through hell and back, all due to her pathetic decision making skills, or if hard drugs had burned any real emotion out of her. The few tears she’d shed on Amy’s behalf had seemed forced. I’d burrowed into the musty smelling sheets on the lumpy motel bed and cried so hard and for so long my entire face tingled with numbness, and my sympathetic mom threw a roll of toilet paper at me and told me not to get mascara on the sheets because she didn’t want to pay for them. Mom left, slamming the door behind her and exposing a large packing box. It was taped shut, but it hadn’t been packed by Grammie. It had Amy’s familiar handwriting on it. My clothes back when there was too much of me. Send to homeless shelter to use as tents for families in need. I laughed out loud. Something I had not done for a long time. A tray of used paint bottles and a bundle of worn paint brushes sat next to the box. Growing up, it was rare to see Amy without a brush in her hand or a smudge of paint across her face. I was

always jealous of the fact that so many incredible, lifelike images flowed from her brushes, and I could barely scratch out a stick figure. I stared down at the diary in my lap and remembered back to the day we’d sat at the kitchen table slurping lime Jell-O. Amy had said that she hoped there was lime Jell-O in heaven because she couldn’t go an eternity without it. We’d laughed so hard green gelatin sprayed out of our mouths. Then she’d told me that she’d left her diary to me in her unwritten will and that I’d have to go through her underwear to find it. Of course, she had never expected to die. I know I’d never expected her to die. My fingers trembled as I opened the cover. There would be so much of Amy in this book it would be impossible to get through it without a few major cries. But I had to read it. I needed to find out when it all went horribly wrong. I needed to know if her heart had been so broken by this guy, Jake West, that she’d driven herself off a cliff. None of it seemed liked Amy. She lived for romance, and she’d been hopelessly in love with the guy, but suicide seemed completely out of her character. Yet, according to Grammie, that was the conclusion the police had come to. We only heard sketchy details of the accident, no brake marks, no tire marks. The report stated that the car had been deliberately turned off the road. The entire town seemed to have come to the conclusion that she’d done it because of a broken heart. It seemed to me they were just searching for a romanticized ending to a tragedy the town wanted to put in their past. None of it sounded like my cousin. She loved guys, and this one guy in particular had become somewhat of

an obsession, but Amy never took life seriously. She laughed her way out of everything, including heartbreak. And although I had not seen or talked to her much in the years since her mom’s death, I doubted that she could have changed so much that she would have taken her own life. I opened the journal. On the inside cover Amy had sketched a guy with wavy hair, a five o’clock shadow, and a wickedly sexy smile. Underneath she’d scribbled ‘Note to self: if you get to heaven and happen to run into Charlotte Bronte let her know that this is how Mr. Rochester should look’. I smiled. Only Amy would dream about meeting Charlotte Bronte in heaven just so she could discuss Mr. Rochester. Beneath that were the words, ‘Dedicated to my best friend and soul sister, Dani. May lime Jell-O follow us both to heaven’. I squeezed my eyes shut for a second then opened them again. Her first entry was in that perky handwriting she used whenever we’d played school together. She was always the teacher. Amy’s cheery script made my throat tighten. I swallowed and read. Jake sightings, three. Once coming out of the gym. Wet hair and glorious smile. Once in the cafeteria, but only from behind. Great view of his butt! Enough said. Once as he drove past in his jeep. The human troll with the size D cups clung to him from the passenger seat. Daydreamed for a minute that he took the turn too fast and Katrina flew out head first into a

garbage can. A girl can dream, can’t she? Dr. Grant told me to write down everything I eat during the day. She says it will help me see where I’m eating too much of the wrong foods. What a moron. Did she really have to go to school for years for that? Let’s see, Doc, I’m pretty sure everything I put in my mouth is too much of the wrong foods otherwise I wouldn’t be so fat. And speaking of stupidity, I walked into the yardage store to help Grammie, and Mrs. Busby, the owner, smiled at me in that sympathetic way and said to Grammie; she has such a pretty face. If ever there was a backhanded compliment in the world of backhanded compliments that was it. If there was a dictionary of underhanded compliments it would be right there on the front page beneath ‘what a pretty dress, did you sew it yourself’ and ‘what did you do to your hair, it looks so different’. This was one I used myself the other day on Katy Hoffman. I really wasn’t trying to be mean, but the front was longer than the back and the entire haircut was rather disturbing. She must have gone to a salon without mirrors. Anyhow, I wanted to let Mrs. Busby know that the face came with the rest of me and that the rest of me was feeling quite insulted, but Grammie shot me an

admonishing look so I smiled and nodded. Going to the kitchen now to see if there are anymore ice cream sandwiches left. There Doc, I wrote down something. But it doesn’t seem to be helping any weight come off. Do you think the ice cream sandwich just before bed might be part of my problem? Why don’t you check one of your big reference books? Ooh, the lights just went off in Jake’s bedroom. Not that I’m a stalker who sits and watches his every move, but I know which room is his because sometimes I can see his broad shoulders in the window while he’s twirling a basketball on his finger, or I can see his bare back as he’s drying his hair with a towel. Once I even caught him dancing by himself but I couldn’t tell what song it was. Hell, I just realized I am a stalker. Better make it two ice cream sandwiches. I closed the journal. I wondered how many people in this town knew how amazing Amy was. Growing up, her humor, like her art, made everything in our dismal lives seem better. My eyes were achy but dry. I wondered if tears were like the window washing fluid in cars, eventually there’s no more fluid left. I glanced up the road again to the blue house with white trim. The jerk had had no idea that the funniest, sweetest, most adorable girl in the world lived a few hundred yards, her heart aching with just the thought of him.

I stood and walked to my duffle bag. We always traveled lightly on account that we always traveled. But this time I was staying put. And I had a mission in my new hometown. I needed to find out what happened to Amy. And an obvious place to start was Jake West.

Chapter 5 Jake “Mrs. West, you look stunning in that apron,” Blister headed for the table. He grabbed a bowl and swung a chair out for himself. Mom put a plate in front of him. “You look nice for your first day, Kevin. So nicely shaven.” She looked pointedly at me. Blister rubbed his chin and grinned. “Are you ready? The first day of our last year.” His eyes lifted as he considered it. “Has a nice ring to it.” I plowed my spoon into my cereal. “The last day of our last year sounds a helluva lot better.” Blister reached over to stab three sausages with a fork. “Oh, did you hear that, Hannah? I think they squealed.” My sister had given up meat when she was seven, and Blister could still not believe that someone would give it up voluntarily. “Go ahead and make fun,” Hannah said, “and when you’re fifty and the doctor is cracking open your chest for bypass surgery, you’ll wish you’d murdered a few less pigs.” “Whoa, that was harsh.” Blister stuffed the greasy links into his mouth. His real name was Kevin, but when we were in second grade, Kelly Shuster had told him he was too fat to make it across the monkey bars. The poor guy practiced all week and ended up with two blistered covered palms. But he made it across, and Kelly’s face twisted into a sour knot. After that, I made him my best friend.

“Where’s the jeep?” Blister asked before swallowing. I covered my bowl. “Watch your chunks. The transmission went out on the jeep. I can’t afford to fix it.” Blister clanked his fork onto his plate. “How the hell is that going to look when Jake West starts the first day of senior year on foot?” He reached over to touch my beard stubble. I smacked his hand away. “Did you lose your razor?” “You didn’t just touch my face.” I gave him a look that said --do it again and die. Blister held up his hands. “My apologies.” Mom turned back from the stove. “Dad said he’d have your jeep towed today. We’ll pay for it as long as you get back on the swim team.” “So I’m being blackmailed,” I said. Mom threw her dish towel at my head. “Call it what you like, but those are the terms.” She leaned over and kissed Hannah on the top of her head. “I’m going up to turn out the horses. Have a good day at school.” I grabbed my backpack and Blister followed. I could see Amy’s driveway from our front porch. No yellow car. The white sidewalk at the end of Crockett Road was already shrouded in a layer of heat. The staccato sound of a VW Bug drew closer. It was Katrina’s car. I kept walking. The baby blue car vibrated as she slowed to keep pace with us. “Jake, do you need a ride?” I glimpsed over at her. She’d cut her hair, and she was wearing several layers of shiny lip gloss. Her cleavage was nicely presented

in a tight yellow tank top. “I’m walking today,” I answered. She turned down the radio. “We need to talk, Jake.” It sounded vaguely like a plea. I kept walking and stared straight ahead. “Not right now.” Her car tires shrieked across the pavement and down the street toward school. “You’re really through with her?” Blister asked. I nodded. “Every time she opens her mouth to talk, I want to chew my ears off so I don’t have to listen.” Blister sighed. “Every guy at Raynesville has wet dreams about the chick, and you avoid her like she’s poison. Hey, you don’t think she’ll off herself like Amy, do you?” I stopped and he took several more steps before realizing I wasn’t by his side any longer. He glanced back at me. His face melted when he saw my expression. “Sorry, Bro, I didn’t mean--” “Too late, you said it.” I stormed past him. “And if you think self-centered Katrina would kill herself because of me, then you don’t know her at all.” Blister ran to catch up to my long strides. Wisely, he didn’t say another word. We picked up our pace as we passed old man Walker’s place. Spike, his snarling Rottweiler, flew at the fence, his jaws snapping at the air. “Shut up!” Blister swung his backpack at the fence, and the dog’s equally unfriendly owner scowled at us from his front porch. Now we were both in a bad mood for the first day.

The school building loomed at the end of the street. It was the same old, industrial style building but with a fresh coat of hospital green paint slapped on its cracked façade. Blister slapped my shoulder. “I’m no longer embarrassed about being carless because at least I don’t have to drive that.” The Dolphin, our school mascot, grinned down on the yellow Mustang. “Tuttle told me his dad was getting him a car.” Blister laughed. “And to think I was jealous of him.” “That’s not Tuttle’s.” I didn’t offer any further information. We headed to the front steps. My gaze flitted back to the yellow car once more before we entered. A thick coat of wax sealed the ugly gray and white tile floor that stretched between the rows of shabby lockers. The anxious conversations fell silent and kids turned to look at us. Blister waved his arm at me with a great flourish. “That’s right, we have arrived.” I turned my face to the floor and rushed past the onlookers. At least twice I heard someone whisper, that’s Jake West. “Enough gawking. Go back about your business,” Blister shouted. He ran up behind me. I elbowed him away. “Why do you do crap like that?” “You’re sure in a bad mood today,” Blister said. “What’s your problem anyway?’ “I don’t want to be here, that’s all. I’m sick of high school. I’m sick of this whole ridiculous town.” “Really, you don’t want to be here? Because I flew out of bed this morning thinking I can’t wait to start sitting in class for five hours

then spend three hours a night doing frigging homework. So stop being so dramatic.” If he hadn’t been Blister, I would have flattened him right there in the hallway. Even though he was four inches shorter, Blister knew he could say anything to me. I stared down at him. “You’ve never done three hours of homework in your life.” “I’ll bet if you add up all the years in school, I’ve done three.” I twisted the dial on my locker. “Hi Jake.” Three girls giggled as they sidled past us. I nodded to them. One of the girls glanced back over her shoulder. “I love the unshaven face,” she gushed. “It makes you look much older.” Blister rubbed his smooth chin. “That’s it, I’m ditching my razor.” I yanked open the locker and a pair of leopard print panties tumbled into my hand. I held them up. Katrina, of course. She had never learned the art of subtlety. “Whooee!” Alex walked up behind me and slapped me on the shoulder. “Do you think I’ll find a pair of those in my locker too?” I tossed them at him. “Here, take these.” Alex shoved the panties into his pocket and lumbered down the hall. “Katrina is going to be pissed when she sees that moron with her underwear,” Blister said. “Is that what I just saw Alex hide in his coat?” a voice asked from behind. Our faces whipped around. Mr. Dermott, our teacher slash student advisor, shook his head.

Dermott was not one of those pathetic teachers who tried to be cool. He was the real thing. In his younger years he’d been part of a rock band, and he’d won a few motocross championships. He had a major set of groupies around school who signed up for boring crap like Comparative Religion just to sit in his front row. Dermott and I had gotten along well in my first two years. But after Amy’s suicide, he’d made it clear that I was to blame for her out of control dieting and downward spiral. He decided it was necessary to hire slick, preachy speakers to come and talk to the whole student body about saying hurtful things to each other. We had three assemblies last year alone, and every time I waited for a giant spotlight to come out of the auditorium ceiling and shine on my seat. “I noticed you really let your grades slip last year, Jake, so I guess the scholarship idea is out.” My grade point average had plummeted sharper than a meteor crashing into earth all junior year and he was just now bringing it up. “Nothing gets past you, Mr. Dermott.” My tone could not have been harsher if I’d said it through gritted teeth. His face pushed closer to mine, and I could see the slightest sheen of sweat on his forehead, but then he relaxed into his professional teacher posture, his hands (most likely tightened into fists) were clasped behind his back. “I was hoping a summer off might have helped your attitude, but I can see it hasn’t.” He shook his head pretending that he actually cared what happened to me and walked away. It was going to be a long year.

Chapter 6 Dani The entire office was stunned into silence when Mom and I walked in. Two of the women had frosted tips on their puffed up hair, oversized custom jewelry around their necks, and witchy sneers on their faces. One of the ladies, who apparently spent a good part of her morning making sure that her outfit and accessories matched, stepped forward, her nostrils wide with disgust. I glanced at Mom. This was like the middle of the night for her, and she looked like she’d just crawled out of a jail cell. “You could have at least brushed your hair,” I whispered. She looked pointedly at me. “You aren’t exactly Snow White yourself this morning.” She stepped up to the counter. “I’d like to enroll my daughter.” This statement caught the attention of all the busy bodies behind the counter and several students who’d been lurking in the office with schedule complaints. They stared at us like we were from a different planet. Which we sort of were. I’d made a conscious choice to dress extra wild today with the intent of catching the attention of Jake West. Knowing he was a small town boy, I’d figured gothic punk and lots of leg would do the trick. Now I regretted my choice. Mom leaned over the counter filling out my paperwork, and I stared down at my army boots. Again, probably too much. “When’s your birthday?” Mom asked. Several gasps came from the onlookers.

I couldn’t remember the exact date, but I recalled a few barbecue parties in July. “July something,” I lowered my head so only she could hear. “Just put the tenth. People are going to think you found me in some alley.” Mom chuckled and leaned closer to the paperwork. Her eyes were bad but we’d never had money for glasses. Not that she’d ever wear them if we had had the money. This early in the morning her hands were still shaky. “I hate filling this stuff out.” “That’s because most parents only have to fill them out once or twice. Not every six months.” The door to the office flew open. “You guys screwed up my schedule as usual,” a voice boomed behind us. A tall, semihandsome, semi-stupid looking guy in a letterman’s jacket leaned over the counter next to us. The other heavily frosted lady stepped forward. “Excuse me, Mr. Moore, but you are not allowed to come barging into the office like that. You’ll have to make an appointment with a counselor.” “Then make me an appointment.” The look she gave him rivaled that of a pissed-off cobra. “Please,” he added reluctantly. Mom slid the paperwork across the counter to the secretary. The lady scanned it through the glasses propped on her pointed nose, crinkled that same nose as if the papers smelled now that Mom had touched them, and threw a packet on the counter. “You’ll both need to read and sign this.” She grimaced at my outfit. “There’s a dress code inside.” “I’ll read through it thoroughly at home.” Mom shoved it in her

purse, kissed me on the cheek, and winked. “Have fun.” She left me standing all alone in the office with the birds of prey. “I don’t see any violation of dress code here,” the guy next to me said. He was staring down at my legs. “Alex,” the lady barked, “mind your own business.” Then she returned her harsh glare to me. “I’m sure the principal will want to meet you. He’ll decide whether or not you can stay in that attire today.” She motioned through the small swinging door and led me to an office. She knocked and poked her head inside. “New student.” I stepped inside. The principal looked like every other principal with a charcoal gray suit, a collar that was one size to small, and a waist that was one size too big. This one wasn’t as practiced at receiving nonconforming students as most. His mouth hung open slightly for a second, then he gathered himself and sat forward. He was about to speak but I spoke first. “I’ve been to four high schools in three years, I’m a straight A student, I had a near perfect score on the SAT in my sophomore year, and I’ve broken ten swimming records. And the girl whose name is on the plaque in front of that pathetic tree seedling in front of the school was my cousin.” The principal’s mouth dropped open again. His gaze dropped to my bare legs and black boots for a second. Then he picked up a pen and pulled a piece of paper from a green pad. He scribbled a few lines and handed me the note. “Dress more appropriately tomorrow. This note is to let teachers know you’re staying today. First period is starting right now.”

“Thanks,” I said and left the office.

Chapter 7 Jake The throng of bodies dissipated from the hallway and classroom doors slammed shut. A group of fretful freshmen shambled to their first class, but I didn’t see Hannah. My eyes scoured the hallway for a new face. I’d stayed awake the night before wondering what the face looked like that belonged to the legs in the car and wondering how much she already hated me and wondering why I cared about it anyhow. Black letters spelled out quotes of famous writers along the pale yellow walls of Ms. Miller’s room. The small desks were arranged in neat rows under the fluorescent lights. The silver flecked tile on the floor had been stripped of the previous year’s pencil smudges and black scuff marks. It was a fresh, white slate waiting for a new coat of filth. Katrina was sitting in the front. She peered up at me with one of her well rehearsed innocent expressions. She could turn the precious stuff on and off like a faucet. “Sit right here, Jake.” She patted the desk next to her. “I want to sit in the back” I strolled to the last row of desks, dropped my backpack to the floor, and slid into the wobbly seat. My head rested back against Edgar Allen Poe’s words ‘Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute.’ Blister came barreling through the door. “Katrina, dear, you are looking quite lovely,” he said in his affected voice. He grabbed the

seat next to me. Katrina snarled back at him like a wolf. On and off like a faucet. Ms. Miller’s bleached hair was stretched up into a severe bun on the top of her head. The woman’s appearance never changed. It was as if she froze herself with cryogenics during the summer months and then defrosted the day before school started. I was one of the few students she liked. And unlike others, her admiration had been unwavering. Everyone else had fallen victim to her wrath at least once during their days at Raynesville High. If Blister so much as lifted an eyebrow at her, she snorted flames from her nostrils. The tardy bell clanged and Ms. Miller’s talons came out. She clapped sharply. Find a seat immediately. If you are tardy I will drop you from this class with a fail notice.” She picked up her pointer and slapped it against her palm. “I hope you are ready to work this trimester. You can expect a heavy load of homework and essays.” A simultaneous groan floated across the room and crashed into Mark Twain’s words stapled on the front wall. The classroom door squeaked open. A girl stepped inside. There was a lot of smooth skin between the hem of her very short skirt and the tops of her black army boots. They were the same legs I’d seen in the front of the Mustang. Katrina snickered. “What crypt did she crawl out of?” A few people laughed. The new girl stared back at her for a moment. Her eyes were shrouded in heavy black make-up. There was a thin black line around what appeared to be a pretty hot pair of lips. Most of her face was obscured by a teased tangle of blackstreaked hair.

Blister hung far into the aisle. “Check out those legs.” His words spurted out the side of his mouth. Ms. Miller’s face twitched as if she might keel over from a stroke. The girl handed her a piece of Principal Berg’s renowned teal green stationery. The sour faced woman scanned the note and then looked up at the girl. “I’m surprised he’s letting you remain for even one day in that outlandish outfit.” She folded up the note and handed it back to the girl. “People, we have a new student. Her name is Dani Spencer. Please make her feel welcome.” She snorted the last words. “You may sit in front of Kevin.” She pointed in Blister’s direction. He was still gaping at her legs. My entire body leaned forward. Not to watch her walk, but to slow my breathing. The new girl placed her backpack on the back of the chair and sat down. “Jake, can you see and hear from back there?” Ms. Miller asked with a grin. Everyone turned to look at me. I wished to hell she wouldn’t do stuff like that. I scooted down in my seat and took a peek at the new girl. She was still facing forward. I nodded. It didn’t matter where I sat. I couldn’t hear anything Ms. Miller was saying over the pounding in my chest. And I couldn’t see anything past the doll-like profile of the new girl. Amy’s cousin. She looked absurdly girlish beneath the harsh layers of make-up, denim and leather. Aside from a tiny scar on her upper lip and a short jagged scar on her chin, she was flawless. And deep down, I hoped that she didn’t know anything about Jake West.

“I can see and hear just fine, Ms. Miller. Thanks for your concern,” Blister blurted with a wave. “Kevin, I prefer to have you and your overactive mouth at the back of the room. It’s less disruptive.” “Witch,” Blister whispered under his breath as he slumped back against his chair. “Your summer reading assignment was Lord of the Flies. Who can give us a quick analysis of the author’s purpose or theme?” “It was like that reality show, Survivor,” Katrina piped up. “They were all at each other’s throats, and they roasted a pig. Oh, and Jack was the hunk.” She sat back confidently on her perky butt. “Well, that is not a very deep interpretation; however, it seems that you actually read the book.” Ms Miller scanned the room for a better response and kept looking at me, but it was the new girl who raised her hand. A band of stars was tattooed around her small wrist, and the nail on her pinky was chipped, and my heart had not slowed yet. “Dani, I’m afraid you’ll have some catching up to do since you weren’t in town for summer.” “Golding was showing man’s two conflicting impulses to behave peacefully and follow the rules and to act out his primal instinct by caving to his immediate desires. He shows how men possess degrees of savage feelings and bloodlust,” the new girl said. “Lust is what I’m feeling all right,” Blister whispered to me. His comment caused my jaw to clench. Ms. Miller’s mouth puckered and her forehead followed. “Apparently you’ve read this book before.” Her face relaxed. “Tell

me, do you think this book could have been written with girl characters instead of boys?” “No, I think guys have a bigger need for power, and they definitely get off on violence.” Ms Miller’s eyes widened behind her glasses and her tongue seemed to be caught in her throat, yet she seemed pleased with Dani’s response. “You think a group of girls stranded on an island would have worked together like a friendly little community. I doubt it.” The words fell out of my mouth, and I wasn’t sure why except I wanted her to turn and look at me. She did. Her cinnamon brown eyes stunned me, and I sucked in a breath. Her long lashes blinked once. “I’m not saying girls would get along, but it would take them longer to resort to violence.” “Women can be violent. Some have even been put to death for their crimes.” My voice came out much quieter than I’d planned. The small scar quivered slightly as her lips moved. “No doubt the idea of putting people to death surfaced in the mind of a man.” She stared at me for a minute. “I think we all know that the innate cruelty inside men has lingered since the beginning of time, Jake.” If she’d plunged a knife through my forehead, it would have felt better than the way she said my name. I sank back in my chair and stared down at my desk. She knew exactly who I was and she made it clear that she hated me. And, all of sudden, my screwed up life had grown worse. My heart still pumped fiercely, but now it seemed lower in my chest, almost as if it had dropped into my stomach.

Dani turned back to face the front and left me to stare at the side of her face. The uneven scar that trailed along her chin didn’t look like your typical childhood accidental fall against the coffee table kind of mark. I closed my eyes and could still see the shape of it as it zigzagged down her small chin. Blister fanned himself with his notebook. “It sure is getting hot in here. Is anyone else feeling it?” “Kevin, don’t let a little intellectual debate scare you,” Ms. Miller cheeks plumped up with a broad smile as she handed Dani her personal copy of the book. “You may use my book while we talk about symbolism.” Impressive. Even dressed in clothes that surely didn’t fit with Ms. Miller’s approval, Dani had won her over. Blister slumped back against his chair and looked over at me. “Intellectual debate, is that what they’re calling it?” He tossed me a crumpled note. I opened it. “You sure are interested in that book.” Nobody could beat Blister when it came to sarcasm. Even when it was scribbled on paper. I crumpled it back up and lobbed it at him. It bounced off his thick head and landed on Dani’s desk. She glanced down and picked it up. I mouthed the word asshole to him and hoped the note was too cryptic. The stars circling her tiny wrist danced while she scribbled something on the paper. She twisted around and tossed it onto Blister’s desk. “I think this is yours.” An incredible smile followed and Blister tipped back in his chair and smacked against the wall. Two of the letters in Poe’s quote floated down from their staples. Now it read ‘ears of ove.’

Dani looked over at me, but she had tucked away the smile. She faced forward. Blister opened the note, and I glanced over to read what she’d written. “Actually, I hated it.” My chest felt heavy as I tried to convince myself that her message was not directed at me. Amy, a girl I’d never touched, never kissed, and hardly ever spoken to had been dead for over a year, and she was still making me pay for my words. One short phrase muttered between friends and overheard by the wrong ears and my life had turned to crap.

Chapter 8 Dani For most kids, or at least those with normal moms, they walk into a house filled with the smell of chicken frying or potatoes baking. For me, it was nail polish and burnt microwave popcorn. Mom had her toes propped up on Grammie’s antique coffee table. She was bent over her legs, one hand holding a nail polish brush, the other holding charred popcorn. Yet I was glad that I had a home to walk into. Mom looked up from her task for a second. Her hair was flat in the back showing that she’d only just gotten up. “How was it?” “Fine.” It really wasn’t though. Even after I called him by name in a snarly tone, the stunned expression on his face made me want to take it back immediately. I was such a naïve goof thinking I could just walk in, find Jake West, hate him instantly, and reduce him to whimpering rubble. First of all, he didn’t seem the least bit despicable. Secondly, everyone, including the teachers, seemed to worship him so why would he care about me, and thirdly . . . I didn’t have a three, but why the heck did Amy have to go so batshit crazy over him? There were plenty of less spectacular guys milling about the halls. My cousin was always looking for her romantic hero, only now, her story had ended but without the kiss or the happily ever after. “The phone and cable are connected. The guy just left.” That would explain Mom’s having to rise from bed at this early hour.

“Got a message from your school as soon as he plugged in the phone. Something about the way you were dressed.” She looked up at me again. “What’s the matter with the way you’re dressed?” I shrugged. “Too much attention. They want me to fit in more, apparently.” Mom dabbed the side of her big toe with a cotton ball. “You’re the one who wants to stay in Mayberry. It’s why I split from home before she moved out here.” She started whistling that tune from the old black and white T.V. show. “You split because you wanted to chase after the guy who got you pregnant, my elusive father. And Grammie moved out here because she was embarrassed about the fact that she’d lost control of her two teenage daughters.” I dropped my backpack on a kitchen chair and went to the fridge. “We finally have a house, and it’s already paid for. Call me crazy.” The only thing inside the refrigerator was an old carton of baking soda in the back. I swung the door shut. “I’m starved. And I don’t want charcoal covered popcorn.” “She always did care too much what people thought. Especially those nosy, old church crows she hung out with.”Mom flopped back against the couch cushions and admired her red toenails. “I’ll order a pizza.” “Maybe you could go to the grocery store and get some food. Cereal would be nice.” “Fine.” I plopped onto the couch next to her. “I’m going to try out for the swim team.”

“Really? I thought you were done with that.” She reached over and used her pinky to clean of smudge of mascara from under my eye. I waved her hand away. “Your fingers smell like nail polish. And no I’m not done with swimming. Why should I be? I was the fastest girl on the team in California.” “That’s just it. We don’t need any publicity here. We’re just going to fade into the walls, remember?” “Don’t invite any creepy men into the house, and we won’t have any publicity,” I said sharply as I pushed off the sofa and headed to the bathroom. “I’m going to wash these black streaks out of my hair. I’m changing my look.” “Did you see the boy?” Mom asked. I stopped and looked back at her over my shoulder. “What boy?” “The guy who broke Amy’s heart.” I nodded and turned back toward the hall. “Is he cute?” she called. I stopped for a moment and thought about him. “He’s a pretty heavy duty package of sweetness.” My voice echoed in the empty hallway. There, that was number three. And that’s why Amy went so batshit crazy over the guy. The water had turned cold before the black hair paint had been completely removed from my hair. I scrubbed the heavy make-up from my face and stared into the mirror. The scars, pink from the cold water in the shower, stared back at me, reminding me that my mom was the queen of making stupid choices. I opened the small

bathroom window to let the moisture out. Two horses were grazing in the field across the way. The view from our last bathroom had been of an alley where the trash bins sat. I turned back to the mirror. I was going to clean up my look. Not because the principal had told me to but because fitting in for a change didn’t sound too bad. It was a dorky little town, and I planned to stay right here tucked safely within Grammie’s walls. I wrapped my hair in a towel, threw on a t-shirt and shorts, and went to Amy’s room. My room. The diary was on my bed. I flopped down on my stomach and opened it. Jake sightings, only two, but one was massive, big, humongous. Once at morning break in the crowded hallway but I could still catch whiffs of his aftershave as he floated by with his creepy friends. And the second sighting involved interaction so I will need to elaborate farther down. Have saved special section just to recount the incredible details. It was huge, and suffice it to say, I now know why women had those swooning couches and smelling salts back in the old days. I needed both after fifth period Science. Other events of the day that were not quite as noteworthy. Apparently my fretful stare at Katy’s haircut caused her alarm. She went back to the salon and had her hair cut back to one

length. I really had no idea she’d do that, but it looked much better. And I told her so which made her smile. I am the constant ambassador of good will it seems. I laughed. Side note: something is wrong with Ryan Wilford. I mean he has always looked small and frail like the guy only gets scraps of food at home, and he has those blue veins that are visible through the pale skin on his temples. In elementary school, those veins used to gross me out so much I didn’t like to sit near him in the cafeteria. But today he looked smaller than usual. Almost like he was shrinking in on himself. He was sitting alone like always in the lunch quad with his shoulders hunched up around his ears, but when he went to put a chip in his mouth, I saw that his hand was shaking. Nobody ever seems to notice the guy, but I do. He’s like that stray, little dog you pass on the side of the road, and you can’t get it out of your mind. I’d never seen his hands shake. By the way, Doc, I ate four frozen waffles for breakfast. What do you think? Too much? I sat up, pulled the towel off my head, and continued to read. Now for the juicy stuff. This was the part of the day where I truly wish I knew how to channel people. Dani, I would have channeled your

smooth, cool confidence. And maybe those friggin’ legs of yours. Really, cuz, how could we have the same genes? You’ve got long, sleek thighs while mine look like lumpy potatoes. I stared at the way she’d written my name. She always made the D extra fancy. I shut my eyes for a minute to see her face. She’d envied my legs, and I’d always envied her incredible hazel eyes and button nose. I kept reading. Anyhow, I was sitting on one of those unbalanced stools in the science lab (man, do those things make my butt look big). I was fishing through my backpack for my lab notebook when a voice drifted to my ears with the words acid or alkali, and what a voice it was, like cinnamon and cloves mixed in smooth cream. (Figures I would go straight to the edible analogies). I looked up straight into the magnetic blue gaze of Jake West. Huh, was the only syllable I could utter from my wide open mouth. He flashed his Hollywood bad boy smile at me, and I swear the entire ground shook beneath my stool. He lifted a beaker. Even his fingers are perfect. He repeated acid or alkali? I don’t remember what I answered because my brain cells were swimming around bumping blindly into each other, but he placed

a liquid filled beaker in front of me. I blurted thanks, reached for the beaker, and naturally, clumsy, apelike, unevolved creature that I am, I spilled the stuff across the counter. I went to pick up the glass, but his fingers wrapped around my wrist and he said don’t touch that. It will burn. Then he released my hand, ran to the paper towel dispenser, raced back, and wiped up the mess I’d made. Apparently I had chosen acid. The rest of the period I held the hand he’d touched in my lap beneath the counter where nobody could see it. I didn’t want any of the Jake molecules to evaporate from my skin. Huge day. Humongous day. I closed the book and flopped back on my bed. God, she was crazy about the guy. I sort of envied it. I’d never felt that way about anyone in my life. I wonder how long it took her to recuperate from the incident. “Come on, Amy, I’m trying to hate the guy,” I said to the journal. “Cut to the cruelty.” So he did one nice thing. Any guy would have done the same. Well . . . maybe not any guy, but some.

Chapter 9 Jake The smell of mildew mingled with the pungent odor of chlorine in the pool building. I’d gotten to school early to talk to Coach Higgins about being his assistant. A line of royal blue and scarlet red championship banners fluttered when the glass doors shut behind me. Raynesville was a swimming town. There was a football team and a baseball team, but the swim team was the school’s claim to fame. Raynesville infants were dropped into one of the public swimming pools before they could crawl. Blister was one of the few people in Raynesville with a fear of water. Something about a bathtub incident when he was a toddler but he refused to talk about it. I reached for Higgin’s door, but it opened into me first. Up close it took me a second to recognize the stunning face in front of me. The heavy make-up was gone and her hair, now completely blonde, was tied up in a pony tail with a purple sash. The reflection of light from the pool made her brown eyes glitter. “Excuse me,” she said and slid past me. I turned and watched her leave. She’d replaced the mini skirt and boots with shorts and sandals. Less edgy but definitely not less sexy. “Jake,” Coach Higgin’s voice startled me from my trance. He chuckled. “Says she wants to try out for the team. Looks more suited for the dance floor but I told her to come on out and we’d

put her in the water.” The whistle bounced on his round belly as he motioned me inside his office. He sat behind his desk and pointed at a chair. “Did your dad mention that I needed an assistant this year?” “He mentioned something about it, yeah.” Coach Higgins leaned forward and set his plump, freckled forearms on his desk. “We lost the championship last year because you quit, Jake. I know there’s been some incidences, some rumors about you and the girl who killed herself--” “Amy, her name was Amy.” He cleared his throat obviously taken aback by my tone, but there was no way in hell he didn’t know her name. “The point is, Jake, our girl’s team is weak this year. Katrina is my best swimmer, but her effort is pathetic. She’s a good swimmer, but she never gives a hundred percent. Without you, we could drain those two pools this year and convert the place into a skate park.” The pleading look in his gray eyes made him look a bit pathetic. The truth was I wanted to swim again. I reached forward and stuck out my hand. “I’ll join the team again.” Coach Higgins shook my hand and stood. His rolling chair plowed into the bookshelves behind him. “Freshmen tryouts are tomorrow after school. I’ll let you pick the new team.” People were crowding the hall waiting for first period. I highfived some friends and headed to Ms. Miller’s class. I knew I’d see Dani there and instantly my stomach was in knots, my breathing seemed erratic, and I wanted to kick myself for feeling this way. Blister missed breakfast at my house which meant he was really pissed at me. Like a riderless horse at a state funeral, his empty

chair made his absence all too obvious. But Mom didn’t ask me about our missing guest. She was pretty good about not prying. Now I saw him lumbering toward me. “Jake, hold up.” He caught up to me with a grin that nearly split his face in two. He was wearing a clean, ironed shirt and his unruly mass of hair was combed. A first for him. “Missed you at breakfast this morning,” I said. “Mom made strawberry crepes.” “No way, did she? I’m going to be depressed about that all day.” “I figured you were pissed at me,” I said stopping at my locker. “Why should I be? No, I got a ride with Dani. Her mom let her borrow the car because she had to get here early.” My mind blanked, and I couldn’t remember my combination. “Good for you. I know how much you hate walking.” I turned the dial, but the numbers were out of my head. I didn’t need anything anyway. Blister hurried to keep up with me as we headed to class. “Did you see her this morning? All she needs is a pair of wings, and I would be convinced that heaven exists.” “You’re full of shit,” I said. “You’re not thinking about angels when you look at her.” I opened the door to Ms. Miller’s class. No Dani yet. Katrina came in behind us but didn’t say a word to me. She handed the teacher a withdrawal slip and stormed back out. Blister and I sat in the back. My best friend had a dreamy eyed look on his smug face. I leaned toward him. “Hey, Scarlett, I think

you forgot to wear the Southern Belle bonnet that goes with that expression.” His face tightened. “For your information,” Blister said in a loud whisper, “I’ve decided to branch out with my friendships. I’m looking for some diversity in my social life.” I stared at him. “Who are you and where did you bury Blister’s body?” “Can’t a guy stretch himself socially? I had no idea you were so close minded.” Blister peeled open the zipper on his backpack and fished for his book. “Of course this has nothing to do with the fact that she has amazing legs and lips,” I said. Blister dropped his backpack between his legs and leaned forward. “Dude, she is so freaking hot I can barely breathe around her.” That was more like it. And I was glad that I wasn’t the only person having this reaction to her. No doubt it was because she was new and astonishingly sexy. Katrina was sexy too, but eventually she lost her shine. Dani would be out of my mind in no time. Blister retrieved his backpack and pulled out his pristine copy of Golding’s book. “Wow, you take nice care of your books. That one looks like you just bought it off the shelf at the bookstore,” I said. “Shut up, you ass.” Blister looked at me. “Hey, speaking of Dani, you don’t seem interested in dating her. It’s- it’s just an observation,” he stuttered. “Plus I figured since she was Amy’s

cousin and all.” “I actually haven’t given her much thought at all,” I said coolly, belying the molten heat rising in my veins. “Did she say something about Amy? Did she say something about me?” I wanted to kick myself for sounding like an anxious little kid. “No nothing. We talked about California. She used to live there,” Blister said. “The other guys wanted me to ask you.” “Why?” “It’s just that the rest of us have a better chance with you out of the picture.” “That’s the stupidest, damn thing I’ve ever heard.” Dani walked in. How one tiny female managed to have so much impact on a room was a mystery. We both watched her walk to her seat and sit down, but she only smiled at Blister. Blister leaned closer to me. “You don’t know what it’s like for the rest of us living in the Jake shadow.” “I take it back. That’s the stupidest, damn thing I’ve ever heard.” I slumped back against the chair. It was the closest I’d ever come to wanting to take a swing at my best friend. I’d avoided Blister the rest of the morning, but the whole time I wondered if he was with Dani. Hannah was wandering around the quad at lunch looking like a lost puppy. I ruffled her wavy hair. She peered up at me with round eyes. “You look bummed, Widget.” “I’m fine,” her voice cracked. “My history teacher is such an idiot.” “Let me guess—Mr. Barton.”

She nodded. “He’s always a grouch.” “I was just trying to be helpful.” Tears pooled in her blue eyes. I put my arm around her shoulder. “My best advice to you is fade into the woodwork in that class. Barton has no appreciation for smart kids because he is a moron.” She laughed. I glanced around for her friends. “Where’s the rest of the Junior Mensa Society,” I teased. Hannah had actually qualified to join the Mensa Society, but she’d decided she didn’t want anything to do with an elitist group of intellects who had their own exclusive society. That’s what I loved about her. She refused to fit in. “Everyone went to the library to get a head start on our first research paper.” “Figures,” I said. “I’m going there right now.” “Later, Widget.” I watched her walk away and had a sudden urge to follow her, to sit with her and the other Einsteins in the safety of the library talking about computer programs and sci-fi movies. A loud whistle ripped through the quad area. “Jake!” Blister could find me in a thick crowd at a rock concert, blindfolded. The fact that I was six-foot-two also made me an easy target. “I bought you a slice of pepperoni,” he said thrusting a greasestained paper plate into my hand. He shoveled his own pizza into his mouth and left strings of cheese hanging from his chin. “Thanks.” We headed toward our table at the shady end of the

yard. It was the place we always sat. It was splintery and warped from rain. Phone numbers, declarations of love and hate, and the words bite me in stylish calligraphy were carved into its surface. Blister’s face lit up, and he waved to someone over my shoulder. I looked back. Dani waved but her hand dropped as soon as I looked at her. She popped up onto the wall, her long legs dangling over the side. Blister groaned. “You’re pitiful,” I said. “Why is that?” he asked with pizza sauce slathered on his chin. He blotted it with the grease stained paper plate. “You can’t tell me that you’re not turned on.” I shrugged. “She’s something different to look at.” I was still trying to convince myself that my earlier theory was true. He laughed. “I’m sorry my friend, some new things never get old. And this girl is one of them.” I pushed my pizza toward him. “Have mine. I’m not hungry.” Sometimes the guy was thick-headed and sometimes he saw through me like my skin was transparent. He knew exactly what I was thinking, what I was hoping, and hell, if he wasn’t totally spot on with his own theory. Alex plunked down hard on the bench. He had four cheeseburgers and a paper bowl overflowing with nacho cheese fries. “Damn, how can your parents afford to keep you?” Blister asked. Alex plowed the burger into his face and stared across to the wall as he chewed. He swallowed and leaned over the table toward

us. “There’s a betting pool starting up to see who can nail the new girl first. Personally, all my money is on me.” Blister jumped up and grabbed Alex’s shirt. “You jerk.” I grabbed Blister’s shoulder and sat him back on the bench for his own safety. Alex could annihilate him with one hand tied behind his back. Blister yanked his shoulder out from under my hand. Alex laughed. “You don’t actually think it will be you, Loser.” The guy never knew when to shut up. Blister’s face turned red. “Alex, go eat at another table,” I said. “You’re talking too much crap today.” “It’s a free country. I’ll eat where I like,” he said. Then he saw my expression, stood, and left the table. “Hey, Kevin, how’s it going?” Her words trickled over my shoulder, and her mouth was close enough to my ear that her breath ruffled my hair. My friend’s face brightened. She scooted onto the bench across from Blister and next to me. He grinned broadly. “Great. Especially now that you’re here.” My normally awkward, always say the wrong thing to girls, best friend had grown ultra cool overnight. “The bricks were getting kind of uncomfortable.” She grabbed an orange out of her backpack, peeled it, and pulled off a slice. She offered it to Blister and he accepted. She pulled off another piece, stuck her palm toward me, and stared straight into my eyes for a long moment. There was an expression in her dark eyes I couldn’t read, a flicker of something that showed pain, anger, and confusion all at once. I swallowed back the tightness and her gaze slid down

to my throat. I shook my head slightly. It was all I could do, all thought, reason, and kinetic energy had left me. I had to get up from the table. Her nearness sucked the breath out of me. I stood so abruptly the table moved. Blister stared up at me. “Catch you later, Bro.” He seemed anxious for me to go. I had not escaped the quad when Katrina grabbed my arm. “Jake, we need to talk.” I turned to face her. “About what?” She reached up and put her hand on my face. “About us.” We were suddenly the center of attention. “Let’s not talk here, Kat.”I took hold of her wrist and removed her hand from my face. “I told you I just want to be alone this year.” She licked her pink, scarless bottom lip and pushed her cleavage upward. “You haven’t called me Kat in a long time. I miss you.” I didn’t answer. She was fishing for me to say the same words back to her, but it would be a lie. Her sultry, feminine expression faded into a harsh, tight-lipped glare. “Just so you know, James Riley has already asked me to the Homecoming Dance.” “Good for him,” I said and turned to leave. She scurried on her backless sandals to catch up to me. “Don’t you think it will be awkward? After all, I’m sure to be voted queen and you’re sure to be voted king. It seems like we should be going together.” I stopped and she slammed into my shoulder. “I will gladly

abdicate my throne and give it to James. So don’t lose any sleep over it.” I left her standing in quad. How the hell was I going to make it through this entire year?

Chapter 10 Dani Mom was sleeping on the couch when I got home. There was a box of Lucky Charms on the counter and a bunch of bananas. I grabbed a bowl and poured myself some cereal. She’d even remembered milk. Of course she’d remembered to get a twelvepack of beer as well. I carried the bowl into my room and sat on the window seat to eat. Two figures were climbing the drive up to Jake’s house. It was Jake and his little sister. He had her backpack on his shoulder too. At one point he reached over and ruffled her hair. What a puzzle the guy was. I was expecting, no hoping, he would be one of those conceited, monstrously cruel types. It would be so much easier to hate him. He came to his friend’s rescue today at the lunch table but then he treated that girl, Katrina, with cool disdain in front of the whole lunch crowd. Although she probably deserved it. I shifted my legs onto the window seat and heard something crackle under the seat. I stood and fished out a sketch pad from under the cushion. The first page was a sketching of Jake mowing the lawn in his yard. The next one was him sitting on his front porch step. Amy was good. She was really good. Or maybe it was just that she had her subject so deeply etched into her mind no detail escaped her. Amy had been truly obsessed with the guy. But killing herself over him? It just didn’t seem like Amy. Especially as I read her journal, it reminded me of the high-spirited, self-deprecating girl

I’d known all my life. The diary was open on the nightstand. I walked over, sat up against the headboard, and put it on my lap. A lot of the pages talked about her food obsession, her artwork, her occasional argument with Grammie. I flipped to the middle of the journal hoping to get closer to when Amy’s world started falling apart. Maybe I would get a better sense of Jake West. Maybe it would provide clues to her death. Or maybe I’d find something I was never looking for. Jake sightings, two, and they both sucked. Kissing disgusting Katrina behind the gymnasium as I was going to the locker room. Later, at the pool. I was sitting in the stands like the complete pathetic loser that I am with my carefully hand drawn Go Jake sign. He walked out of the locker room looking like a golden Adonis in blue Speedos. He rapped the pool safety rules twice with his knuckles for luck like he always did before walking onto the pool deck. (I’m probably the only person in the whole school who knows about that little quirk). He walked past the stand and I held up my sign. He never even acknowledged it. The damn thing took me two hours to make, and he didn’t even glance up toward the stands. Another horrifying look at my food addiction. Breakfast was three eggs, four pieces of toast

slathered in butter, a bowl of cereal (suggested serving half a cup with skim milk, Amy serving two cups with whole milk and a banana sliced on top). Lunch was school nachos and two burritos. The rest of the food day was a blur. I was in the fridge so much when I got home from watching the swim meet, Grammie complained that the food was defrosting. Spring formal has everyone in a frenzy at school. I intend to stay home, bathe in a tub of chocolate frosting, and watch Pride and Prejudice for the hundred and fiftieth time, wishing that someone would look at me from across the dance floor like Mr. Darcy looks at Elizabeth. And wishing we were still wearing dresses that looked like nightgowns. Then no one would notice my lack of a waist. Many of the entries spoke about her food addiction. Growing up, she loved to eat, but never like the way she described in her journal. Maybe she truly was depressed. Some of it was hard to read without crying. I slammed shut the journal and tossed it to the end of the bed. I should have been there for her. She was so totally alone. She should have been there for me. I was so totally alone. We should never have been separated. Grammie had come that summer to take care of Amy’s mom, and after she died, Grammie was so distraught about it, she’d made the decision to take Amy back with her. She’d given no thought to how it would affect her

granddaughters. I grabbed the diary with my toes and dragged it toward me again. I hoped to find a brighter passage. The last one had left me feeling cold inside. Jake sightings none. And I’m good with that. Sometimes it’s better when I don’t see him. Out of sight, out of mind. Right, who am I kidding? I was right about Ryan Wilford. He’s sick, he’s really sick. I noticed that he hadn’t been in school for a couple of months. I think I was the only person who noticed. Maybe that’s because no one would notice if I wasn’t there, and we invisibles have to watch out for each other. But he’s back and he’s wearing a wig. Now he’s being noticed but in a bad way. People are walking a wide berth around him like he’s contagious or something. Sometimes I think evolution happens too slowly. Humans still have such a long way to go. Bright spot of my day. I had a Jane Austen moment. In Emma, super sophisticated Mr. Knightly comes to Harriet’s rescue on the dance floor after Mr. Elton’s been a jerk to her. Mr. Dermott was my Mr. Knightly today. We had to pick partners in history. Everyone had a partner. Even my one true friend, Katy, was asked by Brian Folger to be his partner. She looked at me sort of pleadingly, and I nodded for her to go with him. I mean after all what kind

of friend would I have been to say no. She really likes the guy. Everyone coupled up and yours truly was sitting alone on her massive butt with no partner. And it wasn’t even kickball. I mean, I’m terrible at sports, but I’m pretty damn good at writing a history report. So Mr. Dermott walked over, pulled up a chair, sat down with that heart-stopping smile of his, and said “Well, I guess it’s you and me kid.” Then he leaned closer and said “Frankly, I think I won on this deal.”Don’t’ know what soap he uses but he smells heavenly. The rest of the girls looked jealous. I closed the book and fished out the schedule change from my pocket. The government class I’d been enrolled in was too crowded and they needed some people to move to Comparative Religions. The government teacher was incredibly dull so I volunteered. Mr. Dermott was the teacher in Comparative Religions. I tossed the paper onto my nightstand. A chill swept through the room. The house was old and there were a lot of drafts, but I was quickly falling in love with every flaw. It was a home. And the entire house was fragrant with memories of Grammie and Amy, the two people I’d loved the most. When Mom’s habit had spiraled out of control and she’d invited drug-soaked guys to live with us, I was sure I’d be sent to Grammie’s. But it never happened. My mom had convinced the social workers that she would clean up her act.

I’m convinced now that if I’d left my mom, she’d be dead. And then we had to run from the crap she’d brought into our lives before be both wound up dead. Things got pretty sketchy for us. There were times when I wanted to run away from Mom and find Grammie and Amy. But Mom needed me, and I couldn’t desert her. Of course, now, it seems that Amy might have needed me even more. I really needed her too. I walked over to the window and stared up the road. Glowing lights warmed the windows of Jake’s house. I wondered if our house looked the same, cozy and inviting, from his end of the road. It sure felt incredibly cozy. I plopped down on the window seat and drew my legs up to my chest. I had a home and there were no sweaty, greasy guys passed out on the living room floor. There was cereal and milk in the fridge instead of vodka and rubbing alcohol. I had a town and no one in it knew about Mom and the slimy, awful existence we’d just pulled ourselves from. As much as Amy had pined for romance, I pined for normalcy.

Chapter 11 Jake I opened the door to Comparative Religions and Blister swooped in behind me. We were both stopped short by the sight of Dani standing with Mr. Dermott, both of them deep in conversation. Dermott threw his head back and laughed at something she said as we slid into our seats at the back of the room. They continued their chat as other students trickled in. Blister blew a disgusted puff of air out from his lips. “If he smiles any bigger, I’m going to put on my sunglasses to blot out those friggin’ white teeth of his.” Dermott did seem to be laying the smiles on extra thick as he hung on every word she said. The conversation finally ended, and I felt my jaw relax. It was no secret that every girl at Raynesville High had a thing for the man. The front row of every one of his classes was lined with starry eyed groupies. But Dani didn’t seem like the type to fall for it. Of course what did I know about Dani Spencer except that my usually cool teacher watched her legs walk down the aisle with interest that could only be interpreted as inappropriate. “Christ, that was obvious,” Blister whispered. I nodded. “I wonder why she’s in this class all of a sudden.” “Maybe she heard about the ‘hunky’ teacher and switched her schedule.” Blister slouched in his seat and I followed. Dani took a seat two rows in front of Blister. Whenever Brian Tate leaned forward or backward, I had a perfect view of her profile.

Dermott wrote the word religion on the board. “How has religion shaped civilization?” Dani’s hand went up. She was wearing a wide leather cuff over the stars on her tiny wrist. Mr. Dermott smiled and nodded to her. He was sure generous with his smiles today. “While religion is supposed to be the moral pillar of society, it brings with it a great deal of problems, particularly when certain factions of a religion break off into an extremist branch. And every religion seems to have their share of obsessive, over-the-top crazies. That’s when we have nightmarish events like the Crusades, the Inquisition and the Holocaust.” Dermott was now standing directly in front of her. “Yes, but we learn from these events.” Another one of those friggin’ smiles was plastered on his face. “Do we?” she asked. I could see her long lashes blink at him. “It seems atrocities, in the name of religion, still happen every day in the modern world.” Dermott nodded. “Good point.” “Man, she’s already got him under her spell,” Blister mumbled out of the side of his mouth. I sat forward. “But religion shapes who we are. It’s not only a pillar for moral behavior. It’s a catalyst for diversity.” Blister tossed his pencil on to his desk. “Here we go again.” I scowled at him. “Oh please, your ass hasn’t been in a church pew since you were three.” Blister said. The rest of the class laughed. Dani turned to look back at me. It took me a second to drag my

eyes from that damn scar on her mouth and then our eyes met. “We are shaped by our heritage, our family, the environment we grow up in and our individual level of intellect and moral reasoning.” Her gaze rendered me speechless for a moment. “But religion helps us to face our own mortality.” I spoke to her like she was the only person in the room. She stared at me through a curtain of razor cut bangs. “I agree. Religion is a wonderful pacifier for people who are afraid of death. Every religion--” “We’re all afraid of death,” I interrupted. Our eyes locked again. Then she pulled her gaze from mine and faced the front of the room. I fell back against my seat as if I had been released from a giant magnet. Dermott glanced at me then his gaze fell on her. “Well, do you agree with him, Dani?” “Yes, we’re all afraid of death, but we all have different levels of acceptance.” She paused. “Some people even search out death.” She stopped and I could see her close her eyes for a second like she blinked back tears. Then she looked up at Mr. Dermott again. “Every religion thinks they hold the key to eternal life and everyone outside of their belief system is damned to hell. So which religion is right?” “Another good point,” Dermott said. “Dani, let me ask you this. And it is rather personal so feel free not to answer it. Do you believe in God?” There was a silent pause. I could see her lip turn up on the side of her face. A dimple creased her smooth cheek.

“It depends on the kind of day I’m having,” she said. The class laughed. Dermott the loudest. His coolness level was suddenly sinking like mercury in winter. A balled up piece of paper came from Blister’s direction. I peeled it open. His words were scribbled angrily. ‘Why don’t you just jump her bones and get it over with!’ ‘Drop dead’ I scribbled back and heaved the wad of paper at his head. Dermott saw the paper fly. “Something you want to add to that, Jake?” “Nope, I’m good.” Then he skewered me with an angry look, and I spent the rest of the class with my mouth shut and my gaze locked on the side of her face.

Chapter 12 Dani There was no stranger feeling than getting the urge to call someone and coming near to doing it, only to realize the person was gone. At least four times since I’d learned that Amy was dead, I’d had to remind myself that I couldn’t talk to her anymore. At least not in the earthly sense. Sometimes the writing in her journal seemed so alive, so uniquely Amy, I felt like she was in the room talking to me. Now, standing outside the classroom, I badly wanted to give her my assessment of Mr. Dermott, her Mr. Knightly. I would tell her she knew a romantic hero when she saw one. The guy was dreamy, smart, and confident. And the fact that he came to her rescue that day made him close to perfect in my mind. Further down the hall, Jake stood talking with a group of guys. It seemed every time I voiced an opinion in class, the guy was there to argue the point. This afternoon something in the back of my mind told me he did it just to make me turn around and look at him. I tried not to let on that it unsettled me every time our eyes met. His friend Kevin spotted me and waved. I waved back just as Jake looked back over his shoulder. Our gazes met and stuck there until I pulled mine away. The jury was still out on Amy’s other pick for romantic hero. Dreamy, smart, and confident, yes, but his character was harder to read. “Dani, wait up.” Mr. Dermott hurried to catch up to me. His voice caught the attention of most of the other girls in the hall. “You

mentioned you were trying out of for the swim team. There are a couple of scholarships available for swimmers with high GPA’s.” We walked past Jake and his friends, and I could feel his eyes watching the side of my face as we went by. “Sounds good. But I haven’t made the team yet. I’m trying out today.” Mr. Dermott nodded. “Let me know how it goes, and if things work out, we can fill out the paperwork.” “Thanks.” I heard my name called again. This time it was Alex. I forced a smile. “Hey, Dani, a bunch of us meet at this old bus on the weekend. You know, hang out, listen to tunes, whatever comes up. Why don’t you come too? There’s this cool place to hike to called the Ledge. You interested?” I nodded. “Sounds good.” I wasn’t dying to hang out with Alex and his friends, but if I wanted this town to feel like home, I figured I needed to start mingling with the people who lived here. I wondered if Jake hung out with them. Then I wondered why my mind went straight to Jake. The locker room was already noisy and crowded. I climbed into my old suit as the other girls pulled on new shiny blue suits. Katrina shot me a few scowls as she adjusted the straps over her shoulders. Amy was right. She was a big-boobed troll.

Chapter 13 Jake The oppressive, dense air in the pool arena actually made me feel better. As the loud doors clanged shut behind me, several bobbing heads in the pool swung around to see who had entered. It was some of the freshman warming up before tryouts. I strolled past, and they stared at me with wide eyes like a school of nervous fish. It made me smile “Hey, Coach Jake,” a female voice echoed down from the top of the bleachers. It was Katrina’s best friend, Becky. Katrina and a handful of the swim team members sat along the metal seats, their oversized blue Dolphin’s sweatshirts stretched over their bare legs. I waved and kept walking. I could feel Katrina’s glare on the back of my neck. She had stayed on the team reluctantly. She was a good swimmer, definitely the fastest girl at Raynesville, but she had no passion for the sport. I collided with the coach as he barreled out of his office. His arms were filled with clipboards, whistles, and stopwatches. “Jake, I’m glad you’re here.” He handed me a clipboard and pen. I threw one of the stopwatches and whistles around my neck. Coach Higgins blew his whistle and the shrill sound glanced off the mildew stained walls. “You toddlers in the water, get out and join us on the bleachers. It is time to separate the swimmers from the sinkers.” The door from the locker room opened. It was Dani. Her bare

legs stretched on forever. I pulled my gaze away but then glanced back. Something about the way she stood, thin and frail against the massive wall of the stadium, made her look vulnerable and it made my throat ache. She strolled over and sat down with the rest of the swimmers. Her thin arms wrapped around herself to keep warm. “Most of you kids went straight from diapers into a Speedo, so let’s see what you’ve got today. I’m watching for technique and speed, of course. We will grab that championship flag this year.” The coach motioned me to come forward. “I’m sure all of you know that this is Jake West. He is our strongest swimmer, and I’ve asked him to be my assistant this year.” “We won’t have to take orders from him, will we?” Katrina snarled at me as she spoke. “Darn right you will. And if you don’t like it, you can leave, Miss Hastert.” Katrina stretched her sweatshirt over her knees and clamped her mouth shut. “I see we have a healthy group of fresh fish here, and I’m glad to see it.” Higgins surveyed the row of dripping freshman. Then he looked at Dani. “You can swim with the senior girls. We’ll see how you do? Were you on a team last year?” Her long, dark slashes swept down for a moment then she looked at the coach. “I haven’t been in the pool for a year.” Katrina and her friends cackled. “Well, good luck.” He turned to me. “Get the freshman up on the blocks, and let’s see if there are any dolphins in the crowd.”

The entrance doors flung open, and Blister walked in with Alex and a couple of other spectators to gawk at the girl swimmers. As Blister climbed the bleachers, he nearly fell through them when he spotted Dani sitting across the way. Katrina stood up and peeled off her sweatshirt like she was an artist lifting the curtain on her masterpiece. Alex and the other clay heads sitting with him howled like wolves from their perches. Apparently the freshman boys had never witnessed this unveiling. They froze at the sight of it. “Hey, guys, over here,” I called to them. “You’re going first.” They should do really great with erections. The coach walked over to me. “The new girl looks more suited to a pink tutu and ballet shoes than a butterfly stroke, but let’s race her against Katrina. Maybe Katrina will swim harder if she’s racing someone prettier than her.” I shot him a stunned look. “I’m old; I’m not blind, Jake.” My subtle buddy, Blister, did not take his eyes off Dani. He had it bad for her. “You four, up on the blocks.” It was nice being in charge. “We’ll start with two lengths of freestyle followed by two lengths of backstroke. Then we’ll begin weeding out the turtles.” This was a nerve-wracking for them, and they all looked like they were about to hurl while they waited for my whistle. It was a big deal to be on the Raynesville team. Parents were devastated when their kids didn’t make it. In the end, twelve newbies had potential. The rest left in tears

consoling each other on the way to the locker rooms. “Keep practicing,” I called to them. “There’s always next year.” This must be what it feels like when you’re the boss and you have to fire someone. Cross management position off my list of future jobs. Coach Higgins sent six girls onto the starting blocks, including Dani and Katrina. I handed stopwatches and appointed a swimmer to the freshmen who’d made the team. I assigned myself to time Dani. Katrina stretched her arms back behind her, pushing her big chest forward to wake up the spectators. Dani appeared amazingly confident standing next to her. Any shred of vulnerability I noticed earlier was gone. They bent forward to ready for the start signal. An intricately drawn mermaid tattoo swiveled on Dani’s shoulder blade as she stretched. A girl with a tattoo in Raynesville was a rarity. My eyes shot up to the top of the stands. Blister was leaning forward, his forearms on his thighs, watching intently. The whistle blew and the sleek, feminine bodies sliced through the water with barely a splash. Dani shot ahead instantly and easily kept the lead. Somehow with those long legs, I wasn’t surprised. I pushed the button on the stopwatch as her thin fingers grabbed the pool edge. Katrina trailed her by half a pool length. Coach grabbed the time sheet. “Impossible. It must have been beginner’s luck. Let’s try the butterfly and backstroke at two hundred meters each. A skinny thing like that can’t possibly have much stamina.” Katrina was shooting lasers at Dani’s back with her green eyes.

The girls hoisted themselves back on deck and prepared to start again. Length and stroke did not have any effect on Dani. At one point it dawned on me that she had beaten some of my best times in the butterfly. Blister was beaming down at me with an obnoxious ‘what do you think of that’ expression. Dani walked toward me. She was dripping and shivering. Her long dark lashes were beaded with water drops. “May I see my times?” she asked quietly. Her brown eyes impaled my thoughts for a moment and with my pounding pulse it took me a second to figure out what she’d asked. “Sure.” I turned the clipboard toward her. “You’re pretty fast,” I said. What an idiot, pretty fast—for a torpedo. Coach Higgins joined us. He looked like a kid who’d just found a pony under his Christmas tree. “You’ll be a nice addition to the girl’s team, Dani.” He was making a pitiful attempt at sounding nonchalant. His voice was at least three octaves higher than normal. “You’ll need to get yourself a Dolphin swimsuit at the student store, and you may want to get a sweatshirt. The weather will be cooling down fast.” The man could not suppress his smile. Coach went into his preseason pep talk. Dani shivered on the metal bench. She wrapped her thin white arms around her long legs for warmth but her lips were nearly blue. The coach seemed oblivious in his state of bliss. She wouldn’t do the team much good if she developed pneumonia. I pulled off my sweatshirt and tossed it to her. It landed in her lap. She picked it up and glanced down at me. She was generous with her smile for everyone else but not for the guy who sent Amy

over the edge. I got a wide-eyed blink and soft thanks. She pulled it over her wet head. It completely enveloped her tiny frame. “Isn’t that sweet,” Katrina mumbled. I didn’t bother to look up. I shot a glance toward the bleachers and crashed into Blister’s harsh glare. “We’ll have practice four days a week. If you miss a practice, you’ll sit out the following meet. No exceptions,” Coach Higgins barked. “Now hit the lockers. Jake, meet me in my office.” Dani handed me back my sweatshirt. “Thanks again.” She headed to the locker room. I held the wet sweatshirt in my hands and forced myself not to press it against my face. Coach Higgins was feverishly scrolling down the inbox of his saved emails. He reached back and handed me my cell phone. “It’s beeping.” It was a text message from Blister. U R a liar. I shut the phone. “Coach, I--” He held up his freckled hand to stop me. “Hold on.” The wheels on his chair squeaked as he sat forward. “Here it is.” He clicked the mouse with a clumsy finger. “Get over here, West, and look at this.” I leaned over his shoulder. He had pulled up a newspaper article titled “The Little Mermaid.” “Why are you reading about Disney movies,” I asked. “Very funny. It’s not about a movie. It’s about a kid in California who was beating all the records a year ago.” He pressed his wide finger against the dusty glass of his monitor and read aloud. “Danielle Spencer, a petite blonde who swims like a fish, has

earned herself a nickname-- the Little Mermaid.” Higgins twisted his chair around and leaned back on it. “I know that tattoo didn’t escape you, West. You barely took your eyes off her.” “I was supposed to be timing her. It would have been tough to do if I wasn’t actually watching her.” He waved away my sarcasm. “Anyway, the Mermaid is here now. And she is going to swim this school straight to the winner’s podium. I’m trying to decide if I should warn Coach Peters over at Scoffield or if I should just spring it on him at the meet.” He rubbed his hands together like a mad scientist plotting the destruction of the world. “You do whatever you like, Coach. I’ve got homework.” “Come on, West, aren’t you excited? With you anchoring the guys and Dani anchoring the girls, we’re going to make history this year.” I shrugged. “I’ve got lots to do so if you don’t need me anymore, I’m going to head home.” One tiny blonde stranger and the entire school had gone nuts. And my pulse rate seemed to be spiraling out of control along with it.

Chapter 14 Dani There was a note on the fridge. ‘I’ll be back later. Bought some Cocoa Puffs. Love Mom” I’d mentioned cereal and now, it seemed, we’d be eating it for every meal. The swimming made me extra hungry, and I poured a huge bowl, laughing to myself about the suggested serving and Amy’s serving. Amy was one of those lucky people who’d been born with a natural talent for making people laugh. And she had a talent for picking guys too. One small gesture and the guy had completely obliterated any plan to hate him. And I could have stayed wrapped in that sweatshirt surrounded by his warmth and fragrance all night. I stepped onto the front porch and sat on Grammie’s old bench. A cool breeze slid over my skin and a shiver ran through me. In California, it would still be blazing hot as the last month of summer faded away. Here the crispness of fall seemed just days away, and the thought cheered me. Real seasons. That would be new. The two horses in the field across the way hung their massive heads over the fence as they watched me. Apparently they thought I was eating a bowl of carrots. I put my bowl down and walked across the street to greet them. They seemed more than eager to have the attention even if I’d left behind my imaginary bowl of carrots. They stood for an astonishingly long time letting me stroke their necks, then something caught their attention and the giant

heads turned simultaneously to look down the road. My head turned too. Jake was walking up the road. One of the horses let out a low whinny. Jake’s head popped up when he saw me standing with the horses. I contemplated rushing back to the house, but that would have looked more than slightly ridiculous or mean. Truthfully, I wasn’t quite sure how to react to the guy. As he approached, I felt a flutter go through my chest. Amy knew breathtaking when she saw it. And then, for a moment, I imagined myself with Jake West, the guy who’d invaded Amy’s heart, and even though she was gone, I felt like a traitor for even thinking it. “Dakota will stand there all day if you’re willing to scratch his neck for that long.” He reached up to pat the horse on the forehead. My gaze moved shyly to the horse. There went that cool confidence Amy had always envied. “He’s so sweet. Like a giant dog.” “He was my first horse. I got him when I was seven. We used to compete in local rodeos together. Even won some. Now he spends his days out in this field munching grass.” I dropped my hand from the horse’s neck and my gaze flitted down to the ground. Jake was so near, looking directly at him seemed dangerous somehow. I didn’t need to fall into this guy’s magnetic gaze. It was the last thing I needed, in fact. Discreetly, I took a few steps back to a safer distance and lifted my eyes. He was watching me. “It’s a nice life,” I said, “for a horse, I mean.” I shrugged. “I guess for a seven-year-old boy too. I mean what kid doesn’t want

his own horse.” I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that I was sounding like a complete geek. He smiled in return and it was a smile that could slice a girl’s heart to ribbons. “So how do you like it here so far? Is it better than California?” I stared out at the open fields and mountains and I thought back to the horrid places Mom and I had stayed. I had to hold back a laugh. “I think I could definitely get used to this place.” “Yeah, I guess it can sort of grow on you.” The horses, obviously bored of our attention, returned to their grazing. I motioned to my house with my head and took a few side steps toward the road. “I should get home.” I waved and turned to leave. “You are an amazing swimmer,” he said. I stopped and turned back to him. His black hair was blowing in the breeze. “Thanks.” I continued across the street, up the porch, and into the house. I peeked back over my shoulder as I as I closed the door. He was still watching me.

Chapter 15 Jake Hannah was at the kitchen table doing homework. She looked up at me and grinned. “Well, if it isn’t Mr. Coach.” “Hey, Widget.” My head was still spinning from that short conversation outside with Dani. She’d invaded my thoughts the whole way home. But it wasn’t because she swam like an Olympian, or that she had an amazing pair of legs to go with an amazing face, or that tiny as she was, she had this huge presence. It was something else. It was my conscience, my sense of needing to know whether I truly sent Amy off the cliff. I wasn’t sure I could ever get on with complete normalcy until I knew for sure either way. The way Dani looked at me it was as if she was trying to decide the same thing. Somehow, now, we were both connected with this. “What smells so good? I’m freakin’ starved.” I glanced over Hannah’s shoulder at her essay. “Mom made your favorite-- spaghetti casserole. Spoiled,” she grumbled and went back to her books. “Is Mom still up in the barn?” “Yeah. She said she’ll be back down in time to pull dinner out of the oven.” I grabbed an apple and headed for the stairs. “I’m going up to shower.” “I’ll alert the papers,” Hannah called up the stairs. My hair nearly touched my shoulders when I combed it wet. I

was surprised the coach hadn’t said anything about it. Apparently he didn’t want to ruffle my feathers. I hadn’t been growing it long to annoy my parents. It was a tribute of sorts. But the person I’d grown it long for was no longer here to see it. I think she would have appreciated it. A knock on my door was followed by Blister who made a point of never waiting to be invited in. “Well, if it isn’t my traitorous friend,” he blurted. “God, you blow shit out of proportion. She was cold, so I lent her my sweatshirt. You act like I proposed.” “Mr. Smooth strikes again, and the rest of us are left in the dust.” “What are you talking about? Did she say something about me?” I wanted to suck the question back as soon as it left my mouth. Blister’s eyes widened. “I knew it!” I pushed past him, sat in my computer chair, and pulled up a game of solitaire. I could hear him pick up my basketball and toss it back and forth in his hands as he sat down hard on my bed. “Face it, Bro, she’s gotten under your skin just like the rest of us. Only it’s twice as hard for you because most of us are used to being rejected. But Jake West hasn’t felt the sting of it yet.” “Up yours, Dr. Phil. You don’t know crap.” I spun around to face him and the ball flew at my chest. It stung my palms as I caught it. “Have you kissed her yet?” Blister laughed and I wanted to throw the ball back at his face. “You think I’ve been having sex with Dani Spencer?” I shot the ball at him. His reflexes were slower, and it smacked

him in the chest and bounced to the floor. “I didn’t ask you if you were having sex with her. I asked if you’d kissed her.” Blister rubbed his chest. “You’re schizophrenic, do you know that?” He flopped back on my bed. “No, I haven’t kissed her or even touched her for that matter, unless you count my fingers brushing hers when I gave her a pencil. As far as I know, no one’s even come close to those amazing lips. But I think Alex is determined to get there soon. He invited her to hang with us at the bus this weekend. Alex claimed he’s jumping from Lucifer’s Ledge this weekend. Thinks he’ll be able to impress her.” “He’s full of it. He’ll never jump.” Blister sat up. “I went by her house just now.” “Whose house?” “Dude, your brain has soaked up too much pool water. Dani’s house, I went by Dani’s.” “Did you?” “Her mom said she was in the shower.” He shook his head. “That lady is whacked out. She answered the door with a beer in her hand and a cloud of smoke around her head. Wouldn’t that be weird to have a mom like that? And those tattoos.” He laughed. “Can you picture my mom with a tattoo on her arm?” I smiled. “Maybe a kitten wearing bow.” “Maybe I’ll suggest she get one. I saw an open box of cereal on the counter at Dani’s house. I’ll bet that lady doesn’t even cook.” “Dani has turned out pretty great considering. I wonder where she got those scars,” I said. It was the first time we’d talked about her without getting pissed at each other.

“I asked her. She said she got them from a dog.” “A dog?”Something told me that explanation was bull, but since we were having a civil conversation, I decided not to stir things up. Blister’s phone vibrated. He flipped it open. “I’m coming right now, Mom.” He shut it and stood. “By the way, I asked Dani to walk to school with us tomorrow.” “Fine.” “Don’t be handing her your coat or anything like that,” he said and left. I picked up the sweatshirt I’d tossed on the top of my dresser and pressed it to my face to breathe in the scent of it. Chlorinedrenched angel, a fragrance I wouldn’t soon forget.

Chapter 16 Dani I woke with Amy’s diary tucked under my face, the textured imprint had left an impression on my cheek. My clock said two. With only the stars and a quarter moon to provide light, it was pitch black outside. I could hear Mom singing to a scratchy Janis Joplin record. My stomach growled. I hopped out of bed to get something to eat. Mom was at the counter buttering some toast. The shadowy light of the dying kitchen light bulb accentuated the sharp lines of her thin face. She’d been a true beauty all her life. A trait most girls kill for, but she took it for granted, abused it, and wasted it on worthless guys who always offered her the world and delivered nothing. She glanced up and I noticed that the dark hollows beneath her eyes had faded some. “You’re up.” A beaming smiled spread across her face as she lifted a plate in the air. “I’ve prepared quite the feast. Peanut butter toast with banana slices and a sprinkling of Cocoa Puffs.” “Sounds good to me. I’ve forgotten how hungry swimming makes me.” I hopped up on the bar stool in front of the counter. She slid a plate in front of me and licked peanut butter off her finger. “You had a visitor earlier tonight while you were in the shower. But you fell asleep before I could tell you.”

My head popped up. “Who?” “I think he said his name was Kevin.” My shoulders shrank back down. “You seem disappointed.” Mom walked over and switched off Janis Joplin. She fingered through the records she’d pulled out of the closet. “Humble Pie. Cool.” She started up the old record player. “I’m not disappointed. Kevin is a super nice guy.” Mom sat down and screeched out thirty days in the hole along with the singer. She stopped and smiled at me. “Those are the only lyrics I know.” “Thank God.” I popped up to get some milk to wash down the peanut butter. I glanced back at the record player that was constantly skipping. “Did you pull those out of Grammie’s closet?” Mom went to take a bite and two slices of banana fell in her lap. She plucked them off her faded jeans. “Damn, that was the best part.” Suddenly her expression fell, she hunched forward, and tossed the rest of her toast on to the plate. She shook her head and her shoulders bounced in quiet sobs. “It’s only a banana. What’s the matter?” I asked. “She had a stack of bibles and knitting needles sitting on top of her rock and roll record collection.” The words came out between cries. “What kind of crazy person has their bibles sitting on their Janis Joplin records?” She wiped her tears on the back of her arm and swallowed. I shrugged not totally sure how to deal with this emotional outburst. “A religious person who likes rock music?”

A chuckle got caught between the sobs, and she reached for something at the end of the counter. She dropped it in front of me. “It’s my school pictures and a report I wrote in third grade about killer whales. I got an A.” “Mom, have you been watching Oprah?” She laughed again and wiped the rest of her tears on her napkin. “I was a failure as a daughter and now I’m failing as a mom.” Her hand swept over the counter. “I’m feeding my kid toast topped with chocolate cereal. . . at two in the morning.” I grabbed her wrist and looked her in the eyes. They were my brown eyes staring back at me. “Mom, are you disappointed with the way I’ve turned out?” Her eyes opened wide. “Are you kidding? You are amazing.” “Then you haven’t failed.” She cried more and hugged me. “My stupidity nearly got you killed. Never again. I will never put you in that danger again.” I held her. She was so thin I felt if I squeezed too hard she would break. “We’re safe here. We have a house, and Grammie and Amy are all around us.” She kissed me on the forehead and sat back on her stool. I watched her take another bite of her toast. All the junk she used to put in her thin body had staunched the flow of emotions. Sobering up seemed to be thawing out those frozen feelings. We finished our toast in silence, then I kissed her and went back to my room. I climbed into bed with the diary. I was wide awake now. Mom’s little meltdown actually made me feel better. I hoped it meant she planned to stay. The book dropped into my lap while I

straightened my pillow and opened to a random page. On the margin Amy had sketched a before and after picture of herself. But it wasn’t a fat and a skinny version. One was labeled Amy in the present. The other one read Amy after she’s time traveled to 19th century England where the real men lived. There was a big arrow pointing to the face on the second picture. It read see the happy smile. I started reading. Jake sightings, four. It was a veritable smorgasbord of Jake encounters. Naturally, I was exhausted by the end of it all what with having to slow down my heart rate and breathing after each one. Not to mention one was an encounter that solidified him in my mind as the hottest, greatest guy to ever walk the earth. Another day like today and I’ll need to carry a paper bag to breathe into. I smiled thinking about my own silly dance when he approached me at the fence. At one sighting, he raced to the exit door to hold it open for Mrs. Smith, who was wheeling a cart back to the library. Once she had shambled through the exit, he dropped the door and took hold of the cart. He pushed it all the way to the library entrance. I know because I watched the entire event. Shocking, I know.

Anyhow, it was just one more example of his unrelenting awesomeness. Note to Dani, beneficiary of this magnificent document: Where the heck are you? Grammie and I are worried. Did you get rid of that awful guy and his slimy son? Mom and I had disappeared off the map more than once, but this entry had to be written after our last, most horrific incident. The man she’d gotten tangled up with had a son two years older than me. They both seemed like decent guys, but it turned out they were dealing drugs from our apartment. When Mom confronted him, he threatened her with a knife and his fist. I stepped in between and got the fist in my face but somehow the knife ended up in the guy’s chest. He lived, unfortunately. We packed up and ran. I looked back down at Amy’s drawings and words. It seemed Amy, who’d had very little real experience with guys, was a far better judge of them than my mom, who’d had more experience than was respectable. Big question of the day. Why is it so easy to make gargantuan goals and plans for life improvement at night when you’re in bed? Last night I told myself that in the morning I would begin a strict diet like the supermodels use, like the mango and chicken feet diet, where all

you can eat for the day is one slice of mango and the dried foot of a chicken. (That’s for the protein.) I drifted off thinking that was that, I would begin my diet and be gorgeous and slim by summer. Then morning comes and I walk to the pantry and pull out the brown sugar Pop Tarts. I toast two and eat the other two raw while I’m waiting for the first two to heat. Although is a Pop Tart considered raw if it hasn’t been toasted?Hmm, something to ponder? Anyhow, I down breakfast pastries knowing full well they do not fit into my earlier planned strict mango and chicken foot diet. It’s like all my resolve and determination stayed right there on my pillow waiting for my head to return. So tonight when go to bed, I will make plans to start training for a marathon. Six miles a day to start should be good. Ah heck, make it ten. Maybe I’ll plan to pen an entire novel while I’m running. Sounds good. She was totally right. Everything sounded more doable in the middle of the night. My first night here I was determined to destroy Jake West, a determination that crumbled almost the instant I looked into his blue eyes in first period. Backing up to my school day, something majorly significant happened. Unfortunately

Ryan Wilford looks worse each day. Today he was eating some grapes, and I sat next to him. Those little veins that used to freak me out when we were little were completely hidden under his really bad wig. We ended up talking about stars. I mean the kind in the sky not in People Magazine. He knows a lot about stars and planets and all the stuff floating around up there. I tried to say focused on what he was saying but my mind kept drifting to sickness and dying. How scary would it be to know you were going to die? I mean how friggin’ scary would that be? I stared at those two sentences for a long time. Those were not the words of someone who could easily have killed herself. Nothing in Amy’s tone or writing sounded like a girl who was on the edge of suicide. Well, I said good-bye to Ryan and stood to leave. As I turned He (have now decided to place him on the same level as God hence the capital letter) was walking straight toward us. I willed my feet forward, and as we passed each other He high-fived me. It took me several seconds to realize what had happened. Behind me His silky voice swirled in the warm breeze. “Hey, Bro, did you get the email I sent you?” he

asked Ryan. Ryan answered with a shaky, “Yeah, Jake, that picture was awesome.” I moved toward my earlier destination, the library, my head in a thick, London-like fog and my hand burning with His touch. All this time, I’d thought no one had noticed Ryan and all this time Jake had been friends with him. And that is what made him Jake West. It wasn’t just because he was gloriously beautiful (although that did help). It was because someone like Jake West, who floated above the dimension where those of us who didn’t have the beauty and popularity lived, and yet, He was never too high to see the invisibles. I closed the journal and placed it on my night stand before scrunching down under the covers. It was all so much to take in. Mom was slowly becoming emotional and even remorseful about her life. Amy’s diary entries showed a girl who took life’s punches with poise and humor. And she had a healthy fear of death. The boy who’d said the cruel words seemed anything but cruel. I had to shut my mind down or risk being wide awake when the alarm rang. I closed my eyes, snuggled into my soft, clean pillow and eventually drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 17 Jake I stirred the puffed rice around my bowl until I’d created a small whirlpool in the center. My appetite had vanished while I waited for Blister to arrive with Dani. I pushed the chair out, stood, and tossed the wet lump of cereal down the garbage disposal. They knocked at the back door. “Ready to go?” Blister asked. Dani hoisted her backpack higher onto her shoulders. It looked heavier than she was. She looked past me and into the house. “Are you walking with us, Hannah?” “Now I wish I was,” Hannah gushed. “My friends are coming by to get me.” “See you at school then. Maybe we can sit down to a game of chess.” Hannah nearly fell out of her chair. “I’d like that,” she stammered. Dani and Blister walked ahead of me. He was acting amazingly cool around her. Normally when Blister liked a girl, he ended up blowing it by saying something immature or crude. But with Dani, he was different. He was smooth almost aloof. I can only imagine how often he’d practiced this polished leading man persona in his bathroom mirror. Dani peered over her shoulder at me and then said something to Blister. They both laughed. I decided not to react.

As we passed the mad dog’s fence, he sped toward us on thick black legs. His fangs gleamed from beneath pulled back lips. Dani met his vicious greeting at the chain link fence. “What’s the matter grumpy?” Her voice was sweet and calm. The Rottweiler stopped his canine tirade and stared up at her. Her slim hand reached over the top of the fence and patted him affectionately on the head. She lifted her hand and waved to the dog’s owner. The man froze on the front porch. Then the weirdest thing happened. Old man Walker waved back. It was a weak, timid wave, but he definitely lifted his hand in the air. We continued down the sidewalk. I caught up to them now. “Did you see that, Jake? I was freaked out when you touched that monster of a dog but getting that old bast--- that old guy to wave, Dani, you are something else.” Blister’s expression was dripping with admiration. “I don’t understand what the big deal is.” Dani was truly confounded by Blister’s reaction. “Old man Walker never talks to anyone. He just stands on his porch every morning making sure that no one disturbs his property. Not that anyone would with that beast on patrol.” I stared straight ahead as I spoke to her. Her nearness always messed with my head, especially if I was looking at her incredible face. “How do you know?” she asked. “How do I know what?” I almost turned to face her, but I fought the urge. “How do you know he was out keeping an eye on his property? Maybe he’s just been waiting all this time for someone to wave to

him.” Blister laughed. “Damn, Jake, do you think she’s right?” I stopped and faced him. “Did you forget about the day our soccer ball landed in his yard, and the next day we found it shredded and hanging from his fence? Maybe we should have followed up that incident with an invitation to tea. I mean it’s obvious that’s what he was waiting for.” “You don’t have to be so pissed off. Man, you are temperamental these days,” Blister grunted and marched ahead. Dani stayed next to me. “He thinks you are the greatest person in the world.” “Actually, I think you’ve replaced me in that category,” I said quietly. “Not true.” I surrendered to my urge and turned to look at her. Our faces were close. I lost myself in her dark brown eyes. A slight breeze blew through the trees and dislodged a strand of hair from her pony tail. It fell across her cheek, and the end tickled the jagged scar on her chin. My breathing sped up. Her nearness was pushing on my chest like a lead blanket. “Be careful not to hurt Blister,” I said. “Things don’t always go the way he wants. He takes stuff pretty hard.” “I would never hurt him.” “Why did you tell him that your scars were from a dog bite?” “Maybe it wasn’t a lie.” “People who’ve been bitten by a dog are generally pretty scared when a snarling one comes barreling at them.”

She shrugged. “We all deal with our fears in a different way. Some of us prefer to confront them head on.” “That’s bull.” “Not all of us grow up in a charmed life.” The loose strand waved over her lips and without thinking I reached up and brushed it off her face. My finger tips grazed her lips. She stared up at me with that same look of anger, hurt and confusion I’d seen before. Her mouth quivered as if she wanted to speak but couldn’t. She didn’t need to. I knew the question on her lips. Why’d you do it? I dragged my gaze from hers. “It was five stupid words. Amy was never supposed to hear them.” My thoughts finally broke free, words I’d wanted to say to Dani since she’d walked into class. “I had no idea she was behind me, or I never would have said it.” My jaw clenched as I thought about that day. I’d been set up by my own friends. They knew Amy was standing nearby. “It was too late. She’d heard me and when I saw the hurt expression on her face, I wanted to throw my fist through a wall. It was one of those regretful moments in life you can’t take back.” Dani was staring up at me. It was obvious she was assessing how much of my confession was the truth. But it was all true. “You were her romantic hero.” I looked away. “They only exist in books.” “I think she discovered that the hard way.” Her voice cracked as she spoke. My throat ached suddenly, and I swallowed to wash away the pain. I wanted to ask her right then if, like everyone else, she

thought that I had caused Amy’s suicide, but the question stuck in my tight throat. I was too afraid of her answer. My gaze moved to her lips, lips I’d dreamed about kissing since the first moment I’d laid eyes on her. “I’m sorry for all of it.” “Me too,” she said quietly.

Chapter 18 Dani It was a crystal blue day. Mom was still fast asleep when I looked in on her which didn’t surprise me. I threw on my shorts and hiking boots and waited for Blister and Alex. Jake had ridden by on horseback with his mom and I figured he wouldn’t be joining us. The phone rang and I picked it up. There was a pause and the person hung up. Mom poked her head out of the bedroom rubbing her eyes and yawning loudly. “Who was that?” “They hung up.” She nodded. “That’s been happening a lot lately. Have fun today. I’m going back to bed.” I picked up the diary while I was waiting for my ride. It made Amy seem so alive. I could only read it in short sessions because it was emotionally draining. I flipped further into the pages. Jake sightings, one. And it was tragic. Not because of Jake but because of the evil demon spawn who refers to herself as Coach Winter. Winter is right. That leather-faced, rough voiced hag would turn the ice queen’s heart into a glacier. She decided to start timing us for the mile, and naturally, I was practically crawling around the track after the first lap.

Halfway through the run, I wondered if it was possible for a person’s heart to actually pop out of their chest when she yelled my name across the track. “Amy move that butt of yours, I don’t have all day!” Jake heard and saw the whole thing. So I picked up my pace, and by the time I finished my run, I felt like puking and shoving Winter’s face into a wall. I stumbled into the locker room fuming at her and at myself. I yanked on my too tight jeans and t-shirt and told myself that I was done killing myself with food. I didn’t want to end up in a grave before my hair had turned gray like my mom. Her weight had contributed to her early death, and I refused to follow. My love affair with food was over. It was like that character in a story who seems like the good guy through the whole thing, but in the end, he turns out to be a maniacal killer. Pastries, waffles, and cookies are all part of a sinister plan to ruin my life, and I am done with them. I flipped forward a couple of pages to see if she’d stuck with her resolve. I knew she’d lost all her extra weight in a short time, but I’d assumed it was because of Jake’s hurtful words. Running sucks but so does being fat. I ran up and down the street in black sweats at night.

Probably not the safest thing to do, but I actually felt better after running. That is, after the throbbing in my head subsided and the feeling of nausea passed. I’ve found a new place to paint. No one knows about it but me. It’s an awesome place where I can be alone and no one bugs me. Painting takes my mind off waffles, ice cream, and cupcakes. One grapefruit, one yogurt, and one bowl of cereal. There, Doc, how’s that? Amy started her diet because she didn’t want to die young like her mom. Jake’s words had had nothing to do with it. She’d decided to do it all on her own. My fingers slid over the page. “Good for you, Cuz.” As I shut the book, I noticed a black border around one of the pages. I found it again and flipped it open. The entry was short but she had colored a thick line around the entire edge with angry black pen. Jane Austen must have died of a broken heart when she realized romantic heroes like those in her stories did not exist in real life. And now, I know that too. You open up their shiny, beautiful packaging and all you find is a black heart. He “prefers a little less girl.” Well, I’ve got news for you, Jake West. I prefer a lot more man.

There it was. I read it over and over, no self-pity or heartbreak, only a girl who’d realized she was too damn good for him. They were not the words of a girl who was ready to drive off a cliff. She was a girl ready to show Jake West what he’d missed out on. I grabbed a chunk of pages and flipped closer to the back. The entries got shorter. One entry had a self-portrait where she was unzipping a fat suit and a skinny, bikini-clad Amy stepped out of it. She had a huge grin on her face. Now that there’s less girl, there doesn’t seem to be enough of me to go around. Alex invited me to the bus, which was sort of like waking up in another world. Never did I think I would get an invite like that. He even said we’d probably be playing the Game. I don’t really know what the Game is except from rumors I’ve heard. I wonder if his friend Chuck will be there. I met him yesterday, and he was very cute in that surfer, straight off the beach way. And I would definitely kiss him if he asked. Alex honked his truck, and I closed the diary. I intended to use the day to find out more about this place and the kids who lived here. And Amy’s entries had given me a place to start, this guy, Chuck, and the thing they called the Game. The cab of Alex’s truck smelled like sweat and pot. Somehow it’s exactly what I’d expected. I made Blister sit in the middle which seemed to disappoint Alex.

“So what exactly is this bus we’re going to?” I asked. Blister opened his mouth to explain but he was cut short by Alex. “It is so sick. There used to be a bunch of hippies living in the hills around town. They left their bus behind.” Blister spoke up. “It’s really just the skeleton of a bus. Trees and ivy have grown over it, so you can barely see the thing. It’s where we hang out when we want to get away from parents.” I nodded. “And this is where you play the Game?” Both of their heads turned and they stared at me with wide eyes. “Where’d you hear about the Game?” Alex asked. I didn’t want to mention Amy’s diary. “I heard some kids talking about it at school,” I lied. Blister was staring at the side of my face as I watched the road. “How much did you hear about it?’ I shrugged. “Nothing much. Just that you play it out here at the bus.” Alex smacked the dash with his fist, and Blister and I jumped. “Dude, we should totally come back here tonight and play it.” “No way, Alex. No one has played it since . . .” Blister didn’t finish. “Since what?” I asked. Alex and Blister looked at each other then got quiet. “It’s not all that much fun,” Blister finally said. “Now you’ve got me curious. I think we should definitely play it.” I reached forward and turned up the music. I had no idea what made them so secretive about the subject but I intended to find out. “I agree with Dani,” Alex said.

“Those guys finished with your dad’s storage building yet?” Blister asked obviously trying to change the subject. “Nah, they’ve got another week. I’m going to miss Chuck when he goes. Best weed in the county.” “Why don’t you marry the guy,” Blister said. “Did you say the guy’s name was Chuck?” I asked. “Yeah. He works with a construction crew on our ranch. Last year the same crew built our barn.” “Did my cousin, Amy, know him?” There was that tense silence again. “I think they hung out a little last year,” Alex said hesitantly. “He wasn’t around that long.” We stared silently at the road. Both my leads had hit a dead end. I didn’t know much more than when I’d stepped into the truck except that the Game existed and so apparently did some guy named Chuck. I was quite the detective. We turned off the asphalt onto a bumpy dirt road. There, wedged in a rain gulley covered with thick green moss and vines, sat the bus. Somebody was already inside. The person stood and walked to what at one time was an exit door. It was Jake. Suddenly and I had to push my hands between my knees because my fingers were trembling. It was a reaction I hadn’t expected. Alex jumped out of the truck. “Dude, you got your jeep back. I thought that thing was history.” “It’s back from the dead. I just don’t know how long,” Jake called back. Suddenly I realized that even the deep, smooth sound of his

voice had a profound effect on me. The last thing I needed was to fall for Jake West. I stepped out of the truck and our gazes met instantly. I was in trouble.

Chapter 19 Jake She was so petite, so slight, and yet her arrival always had the impact equivalent to a thousand falling stars landing in one spot. And the vastness of the outdoors, as opposed to the confining walls of a classroom, did nothing to soften the impact. “Bro, you gonna jump from the Ledge today?” Alex asked. I shrugged. No one from our generation had jumped from the Ledge yet and for good reason. There was a good chance of painful death waiting for those who tried. Some guy from my dad’s graduating class jumped and ended up shattering both his feet on rocks. He was in a wheelchair for two years until he took enough pain killers to take away the agony permanently. Not sure when it happened, but somehow I’d been the one chosen to make the jump. It might have even started back in seventh grade when Blister bragged to a group of kids that I was cool enough to try anything, even jumping the Ledge. I was pissed at him for saying it, and he’s been disappointed in me for five years for never jumping. A car honked and Katrina pulled up in her VW. Three of her cheerleading friends hopped out with her. They all forced a smile toward Dani, then Katrina focused her attention on me. I knew I’d regret coming out here, but I’d been clenching my jaw all night thinking about Alex touching Dani. I needed to be here just to make sure he didn’t. Katrina walked up to me and yanked off her t-shirt. That barely-

there pink bikini Alex had drooled about sparkled back at me. “How do you like my new suit?” “It’s fine,” I said and walked away. What I really felt like saying was that it wasn’t nearly as sexy as the jean shorts and hiking boots Dani was wearing, but that probably would have gotten me a hard slap on the face. I headed toward the rocks leading to the Ledge. A jump might be less painful than staying here at the bus. “Where’re you going, Jake?” Blister asked. “Up,” I answered. The moss covered trees and vines quickly evolved into speckled slabs of granite. The air was much thinner and colder on the way to the crest where Lucifer’s Ledge stuck out like a gargoyle standing guard over a building. I could hear and smell the waterfall before I saw it. I edged my way to the top, stepping over trickles of clear water running through deep crevices in the rock. It wasn’t long before the violent surge of the waterfall muted the hum of the voices down below. I was breathing hard by the time I’d reached the Ledge. It looked out over a small, deep lake called Danver’s Lagoon. The water in the lake eventually branched out into a myriad of small streams. There was a small niche in the Ledge where you could sit and safely see the frothy white bubbles where the waterfall abruptly ended its journey into the lake below. I dangled my feet over the cliff. It was one hell of a plummet. Then I thought about Amy. She drove her car off a cliff. You had to be brave to off yourself that way. The suicide had made Amy somewhat of a tortured hero for awhile. At least until the novelty of

it wore off. The school planted a tree for her right next to Ryan Wilford’s tree. He had died the same year of cancer. But his death hadn’t been nearly as sensational as Amy’s, so the poor kid died just like he’d lived, in quiet oblivion. From the adjacent cliff, a red-tailed hawk soared into the rocky canyon like superman flying between the skyscrapers of New York. I watched it float effortlessly to the rocks below. No fright there. If only I had a pair of wings. “Jake.” Blister leaned over and rested his hands on his thighs as he tried to catch his breath. “Why didn’t you tell me you were heading up here?” “I said up. Where else would up be?” Five more heads, including Alex’s and Katrina’s, popped up from the rock below. Now I wanted to puke. Apparently they all thought I was planning to jump. I hadn’t really convinced myself to do it. I’d really just wanted to get away from them. Blister’s hand rested on my shoulder as he stooped down next to me. “Listen, buddy, I’ve been thinking, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. It seems sort of dangerous.” “Dangerous? How on earth could a free fall past jagged rocks be dangerous?” I pushed his hand off my shoulder and stood. My tall frame cast a shadow over him. “For five freakin’ years you’ve been pestering me to take that dare. That dare when your friend, Jake the Man, embarrassed you by chickening out. Now you’ve decided it might be dangerous?” Blister stared down at his feet and then looked back up at me. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you, that’s all.”

I combed my fingers through my hair and inched closer to the place where the cliff ended and gravity began. My mind began toying with the idea of jumping. I figured if I jumped out far enough I’d probably be fine. Unless, of course, I broke my neck hitting the water. “Hey, it’s the Mermaid,” Alex said. Dani stood there on the granite hill with her long legs and hiking boots. Her cheeks were pink from the climb. She gazed around. “It’s magnificent up here.” “I guess you don’t have any place like this in California,” Katrina said in a snooty tone. “Just a little place called Yosemite,” Dani replied not pulling her eyes away from the scenery. Blister and I laughed. “You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen the view from Lucifer’s Ledge.” Blister urged Dani to inch forward. “What are you, a tour guide?” I asked. Dani strolled confidently to the edge and peered down. “It’s amazing.” “Jake, you’re not seriously going to jump from here,” Katrina asked scooting closer to me. She sounded a little freaked out. Not because she was worried about me but because she had a fear of heights. Dani leaned out to survey the water below. “Be careful, Dani,” Blister said. “The granite is slippery.” Dani sat down where she stood. She unlaced her boots and pulled them off one at a time. Her fuzzy black socks followed. “What are you doing?” I asked.

She stood and turned back to me. “Aren’t we jumping?” “Holy crap, the Mermaid’s gonna take a dive off the Ledge,” Alex said. “Shut up, Alex,” I said. “No one’s going to dive off the Ledge.” I stared at Dani. She stared back at me with huge brown eyes. She licked the scar on her lip, and a tiny mischievous grin erupted at the edge of her mouth. She swung back around and pushed off. It took us several seconds to comprehend what had happened. “Dani!” I ran to the edge and searched the churning water below. The water at the base of the cliff swirled like a washing machine. I couldn’t see any sign of her. Blister grabbed my arm, and I was seized by that weird sensation you get in your stomach when you’re in an elevator. “Where is she?” Blister’s words tumbled out of his mouth. He was close to tears. “I don’t know. I can’t see her.” I raced down the granite trail to a lower ledge where I could get a closer view of the lake. My heart was pounding in my ears by the time I got there. No sign of her. “Dani!” I shouted. My yells echoed straight back to my throbbing ears. “Can you see her?” Blister called down. They were all peering over the edge now. I yanked off my shoes and jumped into the freezing water. I dove under so many times the throbbing in my ears had moved to my head. “Dani!” I yelled again only to be answered by my own words. I looked up at the scared, white faces of my friends. “Can

you see her at all from up there?” “Shit,” Alex said, “the chick’s gone.” Blister shoved him backwards. “Shut up.” I went under again. The water was icy and dark. I slammed my hand into a submerged tree trunk. I gasped as my head broke through the surface of the lagoon. “It’s a lot colder than I’d expected,” a quiet voice said from a recessed shelf in the cliff wall. I twisted my head around. She was sitting there huddled up in a ball, her thin, gooseflesh covered arms pressing her legs to her chest. “What the hell? You’ve been watching me dive like a frantic idiot for the last five minutes. Why didn’t you say something?” She shrugged. “I don’t know. It was kind of funny at first.” She lowered her long lashes. I hoisted myself onto the same ledge. “Jake, where are you?” Blister screamed frantically. I cupped my hand like a megaphone. “I found her. She’s fine except she’s completely nuts.” I stared back at her. “Poor Blister is about ready to die of a heart attack.” “But he’s not the one who jumped in after me,” she said. “He hates water. Besides, I’m the one with the lifeguard training,” I said lamely. She nodded. Even though I’d seen her in the pool, Dani looked wetter than I’d ever seen her. Somehow tucked into this gargantuan landscape, she seemed frail and helpless, like a half-drowned kitten.

She watched me with eyes that looked like they belonged on Bambi. The scars were pink from cold. A shiver trembled through her thin body. “Do you really think I’m a nutcase?” she asked. She noticed the blood dripping from my knuckles. “You’re bleeding.” She took hold of my wrist and lifted my hand up. Her long fingers felt icy hot wrapped around my wrist. I pulled my hand away and swished it in the water. “If you’re not nuts then you must have a death wish.” She watched me for a long time. The thunderous sound of the waterfall filled the silent void. She lifted her face toward the summit. Her profile was astonishingly perfect as if an artist had just created it on canvas. The scar on her chin was the only thing that made the illusion seem real. “Amy didn’t kill herself because of you.” Her statement stunned me at first. I stared out at the frothy water. “My head’s not that bloated. I never thought she did. The town decided it was because of me. I know she liked me but. . ..” I turned to her. She blinked up at me from a curtain of wet lashes. “She loved you. But after she overheard your cruel words, she realized you weren’t the hero she’d conjured up.” “Like I said, I’d have taken them back if I could. I never would have hurt her like that.” She looked down at my knuckles, blood trickling over my fingers like red rivulets. “I know that now.” The churning water drummed a constant cold mist into the air surrounding us. I looked at her.

“She wrote about you every day in her diary.” She hugged herself against the cold and chuckled. “She thought you were the most perfect guy to walk the earth. You were her Mr. Darcy.” “I’m sorry she died,” I said. “People around here had no idea how cool she was.” “I did.” Her lip turned up letting me know that she didn’t believe me. I had to confess that even though she’d lived next door for three years, I’d never really paid any attention to her before that. But after rumors began that Amy was crash dieting because of what I’d said, I kept an eye on her without her realizing. It wasn’t long before I discovered her sense of humor and incredible artistic talent. “I don’t blame you for not believing me.” Now I was watching that scar on her lips again. Her whole mouth had me mesmerized. I had this unbelievable urge to kiss her, an urge that ached all the way down to my feet. I leaned my face closer to hers. She did not back away. It was as if her lips were pulling me to her. Her lips parted for a second, then she pushed off the rock into the water and swam to shore. I pushed off into the frigid lake and followed her. My shoes felt like rubber as I slid them onto my numb, wet feet. Blister and the others had raced down from the Ledge to meet us. Blister was carrying Dani’s boots like they were Cinderella’s glass slippers. He met her at the shore and handed them to her. “That was the most awesome thing I’ve ever seen, Dani!” Blister said. He pressed his hand against his chest. “You just about gave

me a heart attack, but it was so cool.” “No one has ever jumped from the Ledge. At least not in our lifetime,” Alex added with enthusiasm. Dani sat to put on her shoes. Everyone huddled around throwing questions at her, but she laced up her shoes without answering them. She stared at me through dripping bangs. I stared back at her. Blister circled around and unintentionally broke apart our gaze. I left her shivering, soaked, and surrounded by her admirers.

Chapter 20 Dani After the jump, I propped myself on a rock in full sunlight hoping to take the chill from my bones. I didn’t feel like climbing into the bus to hang out with everyone else. I could hear them inside talking about my jump. I had had no idea that it was such a big deal. I’d assumed they did it all the time, so I pushed off thinking it couldn’t be much different than diving from the high board. Of course, halfway down, I thought, damn, this is way different. It was a lot farther than I calculated, and the rocks were dangerously close. But the icy water is what really took the breath out of me. I still couldn’t figure out why I waited so long to let Jake know I was safe. Watching him dive frantically around searching for me made me smile. It was selfish of me, but I liked that he seemed so worried. Jake came out of the bus and headed toward my rock refuge. Up on the road, the sound of a motorcycle pulling onto the gravel caught our attention. “Sweet!” Alex yelled as he stepped out of the bus. “Chuck’s here. Now we can really get this party cranking.” It seemed I was going to get to meet the elusive Chuck after all. The guy was wearing black and red leathers and a full face helmet. About halfway down the road, he stopped and put his feet down. It was hard to tell what he was looking at because of the helmet, but from the direction of his face shield, I could swear he was staring straight at me. A shiver ran through me even though I was no longer

cold. Suddenly, Chuck did a u-turn and raced back up the gravel road before flying onto the street and speeding away. Alex lifted his arms out to his sides. “What the hell?” He turned and stomped back to the bus like a little kid throwing a tantrum. Jake stood next to me now. We both stared up the empty road. I smiled up at him. “Why do I feel like I just scared Alex’s buddy away?” “Well, you are pretty scary, but I’m glad he’s gone. The guy’s a jerk. To Alex, he’s a walking weed plant.” He put out his hand for me to take. “I need to show you something.” I hesitated before putting my hand in his. I stood and he led me past the bus to a small, uneven trail that wound its way thought the trees. “Where you going?” Blister yelled to us. Jake waved his hand without looking back. “We’ll be right back.” Jake looked down at me. “Blister’s going to give me a hard time about this.” “Blister is cool,” I said. “Yeah, he is.” We walked along a marshy stream for about half a mile. He hadn’t released my hand, and I had not taken it from him. We came to an opening of what looked like a tunnel or giant pipe. He smiled down at me. “Are you ready?” “Uh, I guess so.” We stepped inside the pipe. The air inside was thick with the smell of moss. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the lack of light but once they did my mouth dropped open. The sides of the tunnel were painted with a collage of pictures. They

were from Amy’s brush. I would have recognized her art anywhere. Now Jake released my hand, and I moved closer to the pictures. Familiar faces stared back at me including Grammie, Amy’s mom, and Amy herself. There was a picture of two little girls feeding ducks. That was us. We used to walk down to the city park with old bread to feed the birds. In the center was a picture of Jake on his horse. “This is incredible.” A whisper of my voice echoed back at me. “How did you find this? “One day I was feeling particularly sorry for myself, and I came down to the bus to be alone. Amy walked by with a bucket of paints. She didn’t know I was there. After she left, I followed the path she’d taken and found this.” I fingered the colors on the metal walls of the pipe. This was the place she’d talked about in her diary. A place where she could paint to her heart’s content and no one would bother her. “It feels like someone has gone over the paint with a clear coat of varnish. Like they were trying to protect it.” I glanced up at Jake. He was staring shyly at his feet. “It was you.” “Just thought it was cool enough to preserve,” he said quietly. He smiled and lifted his gaze to the paintings. “After all, she did make me look pretty awesome sitting on that horse.” I smiled. “She sure did.” I walked the length of the pipe. She’d been about ten feet from covering the entire surface with art. “Hey, here’s a picture of Mr. Dermott. He looks even better than you,” I teased. “I don’t know about that.” Jake walked over to where I stood.

“I sometimes think she looked at Dermott as her only friend at school. I’d see her going into his office a lot.” His words put a fresh idea in my head. It was possible Mr. Dermott knew more about Amy than anyone else. Maybe she’d confided in him. “We should probably get back before they all come looking for us,” Jake said. Halfway back I stopped and looked at him. “She was something else, wasn’t she?” “Totally amazing.”

Chapter 21 Jake If looks could kill, Katrina would have sent me straight to the grave with the snarl she shot at me as Dani and I returned to the bus. Blister’s look bordered on icy too. At this point, I didn’t give a damn. At the time of Amy’s death, they were all ready to place the blame on me with the rest of the town. I had no allies when I needed them most. Even Blister hinted that he believed it. But none of that mattered as long as Dani didn’t blame me. Alex tossed me a joint and I tossed it back. “Swim team, remember? We’ve got a practice meet this week.” Katrina quickly doused the one she was holding. “Talk about an invasion of privacy. Peeing in cups before a meet, it’s like being in a prison ward.” Alex stood. He walked over and put a heavy hand on my shoulder then grinned down at Dani. “Well, Bro, a bunch of us were talking, and we’ve decided to lift the ban on the Game. We’re all coming back here tonight to play it. You and Mermaid need to come too.” I shrugged off his hand. “You’re crazy. I’m not coming back here for that.’ “How about you, Dani?” Alex asked. “Explain it to me first, then I’ll decide.” Blister stood now. “I’ll explain it. Nothing makes sense when you explain it.” Alex was about to protest but Blister continued.

“The girls put their names in a bag and each guy pulls out a name. The guy who picks the blank is the emcee. He takes the girls out into the forest, hides them, and ties them to a chair. Their eyes and mouths are covered. The guys then have to go out and find their partner, untie her, and carry her back to the bus. The last couple back loses the Game, and they must face the consequences.” Dani looked around at all the faces including mine. “Who on earth came up with that game?” “Raynesville High kids have been doing it for years,” Katrina piped up. “But then last year we stopped after--” “Enough Katrina,” I snapped. Katrina stared at me with wide eyes then looked at Dani, a wicked smile tilted her lips. I didn’t want her to finish the story because it would have upset Dani. “So what consequences do the loser’s face?” Dani asked. I wondered if she was actually contemplating playing. Becky, Katrina’s cheerleading pal, spoke up. “The losers have to strip down to their underwear, run up to the road, and stand there until at least two cars pass.” She giggled. “I know, because I’ve had to run up there twice.” I was pretty convinced that Becky lost on purpose because she enjoyed stripping in front of everyone. Alex tended to lose a lot too. I smiled at Dani. “It’s a really lame game.” “I’ll come,” she said. “Awesome,” Alex said. He slapped me hard on the back, and I fought the urge to throw my fist into his face. “Too bad you’ll be missing out.” “But I’ll only play if Jake comes too,” Dani added.

“How cute,” Katrina said with a sneer. Alex’s face dropped, and I could swear Blister’s shoulders shrank down six inches. “I guess I’ll come then,” I said, but the whole idea left an icy pit in the center of my stomach.

Chapter 22 Dani Mom left a note about some guy she’d met at the coffee shop and wrote she’d be back later. Most girls would be happy if their single mom met someone, but for me, the meeting of a new guy could splinter off in a number of ugly directions. I’d showered off the chill that lingered from the icy water, climbed on my bed, and fell asleep. By the time I woke, I had twenty minutes to get ready for tonight’s excursion. Mom had filled the freezer with frozen dinners thinking she was now quite the housewife. I plopped some enchiladas in the microwave and returned to my room. I had no idea how one dressed for the Game. The whole thing sounded dumb, but I hoped it might give me some clues. I’d left the diary upside-down and open to the last page I’d read. I picked it up from my nightstand and turned the page. There was a hasty, angry looking sketch of Amy shoveling a massive sub sandwich into her mouth. Underneath she’d scrawled some even angrier looking words. Why did no one warn me that being thin sucked? If this is what real life is then give me back my blubber suit and shove a romance novel in my chubby fingers. I’m going back to friends I can count on like

cupcakes, mashed potatoes and chocolate shakes.

I turned to the next page then flipped to the end. It was empty. There were no more entries, and I was left with even more questions than when I began the diary. Jake was alone when he came to the door. Mom hadn’t returned, and I tried not to imagine what she was up to. I grabbed my sweatshirt from the back of the couch. “Where’s Blister?” Jake shrugged. “He’s pissed at me. Apparently he’s convinced that I’m trying to come between you two.” “What? I’ll talk to him tonight.” We slid into the car. “I’ve got to ask you something, Jake. Were you around the night that Amy came to the bus, the night she was invited to play in the Game?” Jake’s eyes stayed focused on the road, not because there were a lot of hazards to be avoided but because he didn’t seem to want to look at me. “Yeah, I was there.” I swiveled in my seatbelt and stared straight at his profile. “Okay, out with it. Something happened that night. Everyone acts secretive about the Game, and it all seems to be traced back to my cousin. Besides, she wrote about it in her diary.” Now his face turned toward me. “She did? What did she say?” “Oh no, I asked you first.” Jake faced the road again. His grip tightened on the wheel, and he hesitated before he spoke. “We’d played the Game a month before Amy’s death. It was the first time she’d been on the bus. She played and Blister was her partner, but he wasn’t able to find

her. I’d been the emcee, so I knew exactly where she was. I ran to get her, but the chair was empty. She was sitting nearby, untied, and crying. When I approached her, she ran up the road to her car and took off. We all convinced ourselves that she’d just freaked out being alone in the dark. But we never figured out how she untied herself, and she never spoke to any of us after that. The Game lost its sheen after that incident. Then she died and none of us played again. Until now, apparently.” He glanced at me. “What did she say in her diary?” I sat back and slumped down some. “Nothing really. Her diary ends abruptly after her invite to the bus.” I blinked back tears and stared straight ahead. Something terrible had happened to Amy, and I would never know more than that. My silence must have worried Jake. “I knew it would upset you. Do you still want to go out there tonight? We could skip it.” I shook my head. “No, I really want to play that stupid game now. Maybe I can figure out what happened.” “I’ve got to warn you, Dani, it can really mess with your head when you’re out there. I’ve seen girls have total panic attacks after they’ve been out there.” “I’ll be fine. I don’t panic easily, although I’m not too crazy about the dark. I just don’t want to lose. I will panic if I have to strip down to my underwear.” Everyone was already at the bus. Two of Alex’s football friends had joined us. Alex had scribbled the girls’ names and stuck them in an empty potato chip bag.

Jake reached in first and unfolded the paper. He smiled at me and held it up. “Dani.” A wave of relief washed over me. Katrina and Blister shot us both a few rounds of accusatory glares. Jake looked at his best friend and put his hands up. “What? I had one in four chance of picking her. You act like I can see with my fingertips.” “Whatever.” Blister plunked down hard on one of the decaying bus seats. “Let’s get this thing going. I’m already bored of it.” Alex had chosen the emcee card which made me a bit uneasy. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who could remember where he placed his truck keys let alone four girls tied to chairs. Alex grinned at us. “Well, girls, shall we? I have the chairs and restraints in my truck.” “Restraints?” I asked worried he’d brought some of his dad’s handcuffs. “Just some old rope and rags and stuff. Not really restraints.” I walked over to Jake and looked up into his face. “Find me fast.” We followed Alex to his truck. Each of us had to carry our own chair. We trudged through the trees and bushes. The last remaining traces of daylight disappeared behind the surrounding mountain peaks. Katrina was trying to act like it was no big deal, but something told me, one squirrel racing through the bushes would send her running back to the bus. Alex tied up Katrina’s bubbly friend Becky first. Her cheery attitude seemed to slide away as he tied her hands behind the chair and her feet to each leg. Once the

blindfold went on, her lips were thin and bloodless. When Alex tied a gag around her mouth, my heart began to race. I was certain Katrina was going to puke right past her gag when Alex had finished with her. Katrina’s friend, Lisa, was next. She looked the least bothered by it all. Thankfully, I was last. I only hoped Jake would be quick with his search. Alex seemed to take an extraordinary amount of pleasure in tying my hands and legs to the chair. “I’ve been out fishing a lot with my dad, but I’ve never caught a mermaid.” I was definitely not in the mood for his goofball humor. “That’s hysterical. Now hurry up.” I wanted this game to finish fast. I’d never really had panic attacks before, but Jake was right, I felt a major one coming on as soon as the gag went in my mouth. My hearing was the only thing left to let me know what was happening. As I heard Alex’s footsteps crunching over the leaf-littered floor, I wished he’d put ear plugs in as well. The silence of the surrounding forest was a horrid sound. I tried to think of pleasant thoughts, like the time Grammie took Amy and me to an amusement park or when Amy and I built a huge sandcastle at the beach, but my mind kept creeping back to the possibility of a wild beast watching me from the shrubbery. And what perfect bait I was. No sound, no movement. A pack of wolves could just nibble me right off the chair like corn off a cob. Then I thought about what Jake had told me on the ride over here. It momentarily took my mind off my own terror. Maybe that was all it was. Maybe Amy had just had a major panic attack, and she was so upset and embarrassed by it, she’d raced home. It was,

after all, scary as hell out here. It seemed like an eternity but it was probably only ten minutes when I finally heard footsteps. I convinced myself they were human footsteps. I only hoped it was Jake and not one of the other guys stumbling upon the wrong girl. Within seconds I felt someone standing over me. I could hear heavy breathing. I squirmed for a second. Relief washed through me when two hands reached around me to untie my gag. “Thank God, Jake, this game sucks.” But my blindfold and bindings remained. Two calloused hands took hold of my face and a mouth came down hard on mine. I wriggled so hard I was sure the chair would fall over. I bit the lip of the person and they pulled away. Suddenly I heard footsteps coming from behind. I screamed. “Dani,” Jake’s voice came from the same directions as the footsteps. My blindfold loosened and fell around my neck. I blinked a few times to adjust to the dark. My gaze shot around in every direction. The only person I saw was Jake. He knelt down behind me to untie my hands. “Jake.” My breaths were coming short and fast. “Did you just get here?” “Yeah. How did you get the gag out of your mouth?” “Someone untied it. That wasn’t you just now?” My limbs were free and my body trembled like crazy. I hugged myself to stop it. Jake put his hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay? I know it can get really creepy out here. I did warn you.” I wiped my mouth hard with my hand. “Please, get me out of

here.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me along the rough ground. I tripped twice, landing hard on my knees. The second time brought me to tears. Jake leaned over, and I put my hands around his neck. I buried my face in his shirt as he carried me back to the bus. I would have let him carry me all the way home. Blister and Becky were already back at the bus waiting for the rest of us. Alex was propped on a beach chair in the back of his truck sucking down beers. His headlights were on to light up the area. Jake lowered my legs to the ground, but my knees were still wobbly. I peered up suspiciously at Alex. “Have you been sitting there long?” He kicked all the beer cans at his feet. “Long enough to down four brewskies.” It couldn’t have been Alex. There was no beer on the breath of the person who’d kissed me. Blister had obviously been searching for Becky since he’d found her and returned already. Besides, he would never do anything like that. He just didn’t seem the type. I didn’t know the other guys who were playing, but why would they have kissed me? Moments later the other players arrived. The inside of the bus was dimly lit by the headlights. I discretely checked the other two guys for bite marks on their lips. There was nothing. I felt close to throwing up. My head was throbbing and the attack left me shaky. Katrina and her partner came back last and would be stripping down to their underwear. She pretended to be upset about it, but it

was a pretty easy act to see through. Alex cranked up some tunes on his truck obviously hoping for a Katrina striptease. I walked over to Jake. “I don’t want to be a party pooper, but do you mind taking me home?” “I don’t mind at all.” We walked over to his jeep. He didn’t say a word but opened the door for me. I climbed in, relieved to be leaving this place. “You’re going to miss the best part,” Alex called. I could see Blister standing near his truck watching us leave. Jake’s headlight illuminated the sadness in his expression. Jake saw it too. “I was really just trying to be friends with Blister. I never gave him any reason to think that.” “You’re not the kind of girl a guy wants to be friends with,” Jake said quietly. “You’re the kind of girl he wants to give his heart to.” My throat tightened at his words. Tonight, clinging to him as he carried me back to the bus, I realized that I was losing my heart to Amy’s hero. And while he had shattered that romantic image with his hurtful words, there was definitely something about Jake West that made him worthy of her obsession. “It’s a creepy game,” Jake spoke. “It’s normal to panic out there. Don’t let it bother you. After all, you jumped off the Ledge today. That makes you pretty damn tough in my book.” I tucked my hands in my sweatshirt pockets and brought my shoulders up near my ears. I was going to tell him what happened but decided against it. The whole thing was sickening, and I wanted to push it out of my mind forever. But my thoughts kept drifting

back to Amy. Had the same thing happened to her? Is that why she’d left so upset?

Chapter 23 Jake Dani had seemed out of it today at practice. She swam fast but she was off on her starts. Blister had not shown up to watch. He’d told me that his mother wanted him to come home this afternoon to mow the lawns. He’d hardly talked to me all day. I’d spent an hour organizing the store room, and I pulled the door shut behind me. I walked back onto the deck ready to head home for dinner. Someone wearing the blue swim sweatshirt and hood was sitting on the edge of the diving block staring down at the pool. I could only see their back. “We’re going to close up the pool area,” I called to the person. My voice echoed in the empty building. I stepped closer. “The coach doesn’t like anyone hanging around unsupervised.” The hidden face turned toward me. It was Dani. She glanced at me through glossy, dark eyes and then faced the water. Those few glimmers of frailness and vulnerability I thought I’d seen in her occasionally were fully on display now. She looked sad, but it was not a fight with a friend or failed a test kind of sad. It was a life sucks sort of sad. I wondered if she’d been thinking about Amy. I sat on the adjacent edge of the block and stared at the wet cement below my feet.“Everything all right?” I asked. She wiped her eyes. “I’m fine.” She turned toward me. Her long lashes were clumped together by a mixture of chlorine water and salty tears. “I was just having one of those feeling sorry for myself

moments. I was thinking how much fun it would be if my best friend were still here.” She slipped the hood off her head. “I really miss her. No one could make me laugh like Amy.” “I’ll bet. You know, there was this kid at school, he died last year. He was the kind of guy most people never noticed. But I saw your cousin purposely sit near him at lunch to talk. Ryan was always laughing when she talked to him. Even with as sad as the guy always seemed, he smiled when Amy was near.” Dani reached up and tucked a strand of my long hair behind my ear. As her soft finger rounded the back of my ear, I temporarily stopped breathing. It was like having the wind knocked out of me. “I read about Ryan in her diary. It seems that Amy wasn’t the only person who befriended him.” I glanced down. “He was a cool guy. Ryan knew everything there was to know about outer space. He wanted to be an astronaut. Life is definitely not fair.” Dani looked up at me. I had that aching urge to kiss her again. But I restrained myself. I doubted I’d ever work up the confidence to kiss her. “You two need to head home. I’m closing up the place,” Higgins yelled from his office doorway. “I’ll only be a minute, Coach,” Dani called over her shoulder. ‘Is that you, Dani? Take your time.” “My God, the man worships the ground you walk on, or should I say the water you swim in.” I jumped down from the block and she followed. “It’s getting late.” I said. “I’ll give you a ride home.”

“That would be great.” She went in to change. I leaned against the wall and waited. Coach Higgins came out of his office again. “Hey, Coach, I’m waiting to give Dani a ride home. It’s starting to get dark early.” “Jake, please don’t do anything to fluster this kid. We can’t win the state championship if she gets her heartbroken by you during the season.” “I’m driving her home, Coach Higgins, not asking her to marry me.” He put a hand up to stop me from saying anything else. “No need to get angry, Jake. It’s just that you’ve messed up a few pretty heads in your years here at Raynesville, and this is one pretty head I want to remain clear and focused.” It was hard to believe we were even having this conversation. I opened my mouth to speak again but decided it would just bounce off his thick, championship-obsessed head. He returned to his office. Dani came out of the locker room. Her hair was still wet from practice, and she had pulled it up into her signature pony tail. We headed out the big glass doors in silence. The school grounds were mostly deserted, and there was a chill in the air. From the corner of my eye, I could see Dani shiver once. “You want to borrow my sweatshirt?” “I’m not that cold. It was just one of those weird shivers that creeps up on you, you know?” I smiled and shook my head. “Not really.”

“It’s like having a cold hand tickle the back of your neck. Never mind. I sound like a psycho.” She pulled her sweater tight around her body. “I will admit it’s a lot colder here than California.” I held open the gate, and she swept past me but didn’t look at me. There was this awkward shyness that seemed to have overtaken both of us. I locked the gate and caught up to her. We continued down the sidewalk to the parking lot. Dani made a point of stepping on every dry leaf. She zigzagged down the walk crunching every unsuspecting maple leaf. She was several feet ahead of me. It was pretty damn cute to watch. “What was it like,” I called to her, “jumping from the ledge? What did it feel like?” Dani stomped a small pile of brown and yellow leaves and turned to look at me. Her face was pink from the cool air and the leaf smashing. There was this sudden flash of innocence in her face that made my chest tighten. I could never work up the nerve to kiss her. She was too amazing. She shrugged her thin shoulders. “To tell you the truth, I don’t remember much except that the water was freezing. Sort of knocked the breath out of me. It was a long way down though. I think if I had given it much more thought, I wouldn’t have jumped.” “Don’t try to make me feel better. I’m a chicken.” “But you jumped in from the lower ledge. I didn’t see anyone else trying to find me. Only you.” She had stopped directly in front of me now. As usual her nearness made me feel unbalanced. “Blister doesn’t swim, Alex thrives on the possibility of someone dying in a horrible accident, and Katrina, well at that time, I don’t

think she would have minded if you had drowned. So, I figured it was me or no one.” “Oh, well, then I’ll stop flattering myself into thinking you jumped in because you were worried about me.” She turned and continued down the path. Her blonde pony tail swung from side to side matching the sway of her hips. “I was worried,” I called to her. She gave me a sly glance sideways. The tiny scar on her lip stretched as that side of her mouth tilted up. “I was worried,” I said in a near whisper. We hopped inside the jeep and headed toward home. Dani rubbed her arms with her hands for warmth. I leaned forward and flicked over the lever for the heater hoping it still worked. It smelled like burnt dust. “We might die from asphyxiation, but at least we’ll be warm.” I opened the vents. “So did you sleep all right after the Game? I always wonder if the girls have nightmares after playing that stupid thing. I think I would.” “They should switch it around and make the guys sit out there.” She put her hands in front of the heating vent to warm them. “I’m such a California weakling. You’d think, as a swimmer, I’d be able to handle the cold better like a seal or a walrus or something.” “I think you’d need a touch more blubber for that. Yeah, it kind of sucks that the girls are always left out in the dark. But it’s tradition and this town doesn’t mess with tradition.” “Well, I didn’t have any nightmares, but I definitely won’t be playing it again.” She stopped, crossed her arms, and sat back. I glanced at her, and she seemed to be contemplating something.

“What is it?” She shook her head. “It’s nothing . . . well it’s something.” She dropped her arms and sighed. “I’ll tell you, but don’t think I’m crazy because I’m not . . . usually. While I was out there waiting for you to find me, someone pulled off my gag and kissed me.” “What? You’re kidding.” She shook her head. “I wish I were. That’s why I was so creeped out by it. And that’s why my gag was untied.” “Who was it?” I found myself gripping the steering wheel much harder than necessary. “If Alex--” “It wasn’t Alex. He’d been drinking beers in the truck, and there was no beer on the breath of the person who kissed me. Blister was back at the bus already. Not that I would have suspected him anyhow, and I didn’t really know the other guys.” “They’re a couple of Alex’s buddies. I don’t hang with them much. I could find out.” She placed her hand on my arm. “No, don’t say a word about this. I’m just going to pretend it didn’t happen. It does make me wonder, though, if something worse happened to Amy when she was out there. The whole thing has really left an icy knot in my stomach.” “I’m sorry that happened, Dani. I wish you’d told me. I might have been able to find out who it was.” All I could think of was finding the person and beating the crap out of him. “I’ve survived much worse. Besides, you did warn me.” she said. “I was playing detective again trying to figure out what really happened to Amy. Her diary led me to the Game, unfortunately.

Otherwise there’s no way I would have joined in.” We stopped at the bottom of Dani’s driveway. The mass of wildflowers were beginning to lose their bloom in the fall air. “It’s sort of dark in your house. Is your mom home?” “She’s probably asleep on the couch.” Dani opened the jeep door. “Thanks for the lift.” “The coach is really glad you’re on his team, Dani. I’m pretty stoked about it too.” “I’m glad to be back on a team.” She looked like she was about to say more, but then she stopped, smiled, and walked inside.

Chapter 24 Dani Mom was sleeping on the couch when I walked in. I turned on the kitchen light. She rubbed her eyes and sat up. “How was practice?” I searched through the freezer for the least disgusting frozen dinner. Meatloaf and macaroni and cheese rose to the top of the list. “Practice was fine. We have our first practice meet on Friday.” “Oh good, I’ll see if Frank wants to come watch it with me.” I slammed shut the freezer and stared at her over the counter. “Who is Frank, or do I even want to know? And why can’t you just come on your own?” Mom walked to the kitchen and opened the freezer. “Frank is a great guy. You’ll really like him.” I tapped my chin. “This must be déjà vu. I could swear I’ve heard you say those exact same words before only the names were different, and in the end, I didn’t like any of them.” She pulled a frozen dinner out of the freezer and switched on the oven. “Frank is different. He’s older than me, and he owns the hardware store. No bad habits.” She threw our food into the oven. “Right.” I poured myself a glass of milk. “Mom, I don’t think Amy killed herself.” “Dani, I know it’s hard to accept, but that’s what the police report said.” “Mom, think about it. Do you ever remember Amy being

depressed or acting like a suicidal teenager? Even after her mom died, she handled it really well.” “Maybe it was all just an act. Maybe deep inside, she was hurting.” “Did it seem remotely like an act to you, Mom? Because she deserved an Oscar if she was acting.” Mom grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat at the counter. “What do you think happened then?” “I’m not sure, but tomorrow I’m going to talk to the school counselor. Amy seemed to like him enough to confide in him. I’m going to ask him if he knows anything.” “Don’t start stirring up controversy based on some hunch you have, Dani.” “Great, so now that you have a new boyfriend, you’re worried about fitting in here in Mayberry.” She shrugged. “He’s got a really nice smile.” I looked pointedly at her arm. “How does he feel about skull tattoos?” She pulled down the sleeves of her shirt. “He hasn’t actually seen them yet.” “That sounds promising.” I headed straight to Dermott’s office the next morning. He was signing some papers at his desk when I knocked on the open door. He smiled at me as he looked up. “Come on in, Dani. I’ll go online today and print out some of the scholarship applications I told you about.” “Thanks,” I said and closed his door behind me. “Mr. Dermott,

can I talk to you about something?” “Sure, have a seat.” I wasn’t quite sure where to start. “My cousin, Amy, came to see you a lot, didn’t she?” His expression changed to concerned. “I guess she came quite a bit in the month or two before her. . . .” He stopped and stared at the papers on his desk. “Death.” I finished for him. “It’s alright if you say the word Mr. Dermott, I know she died.” He looked slightly embarrassed. “It’s just that it’s always hard to talk about a student’s death.” “Did she say anything to you in any of your meetings where she was thinking about suicide?” His face blanched as he stared at me across his desk. “If she had, I assure you I would have mentioned it to her grandmother.” He sounded defensive. “I’m not accusing you of any negligence, Mr. Dermott. I’m just trying to find out what happened to my cousin. And if she did kill herself, I want to know why. She was always a happy person.” His shoulders relaxed some. “The police declared it a suicide, Dani. I know that can be hard to accept. She had a lot to deal with emotionally. Her mother died, she had an aging grandmother as her only family, and she was very concerned about her weight.” “Yes, I know all those things. Her mom was my aunt after all. We were very close.” He fidgeted with the pen on his desk. “Of course, I’m sorry. Still, I think it’s best if you don’t dwell on this too much, Dani. You

don’t want it to ruin your chances for having a successful year.” There was condescension in his voice that was truly irritating. I bit my tongue before I got into trouble. Besides, Mr. Dermott had been kind to Amy, and I had no reason to anger him. This whole town and even Mr. Dermott seemed quite practiced in the art of pushing bad things under the rug. Still, I had his ear, and I wasn’t about to ditch my efforts that quickly. “Her diary reveals that something happened to upset her. It must have been something bad. Did she say anything to you at all? Surely you noticed a change in her?” “I really don’t talk about other students.” I stood. My annoyance had reached its boiling point. “I don’t think Amy would mind. She’s dead remember? And I am her closest living relative.” “Dani, her rapid weight loss may have had something to do with her emotions. Crash dieting can cause stress. I had a sister who went on all kinds of crash diets, and she was an emotional wreck.” He stood too, walked around the front of his desk, and sat on the edge of it. “I made a couple of appointments for Amy to talk to the school psychologist because she seemed upset. But she never showed up for any of the appointments. I’m afraid that’s all I can tell you.” “She was fond of you, Mr. Dermott. I think there was a point in time when she considered you her only friend here at school.” His gaze dropped to the floor. My words seemed to have a profound effect on him. It made me feel better about him again. “She was a great person.” Without looking at me, he walked to

the door and opened it. “Thanks for your time.” I left his office disappointed that this visit had led to nothing. Deep down I felt certain that I would never know what happened to my cousin.

Chapter 25 Jake Nerves were on edge for the first meet of the year. The Chesterfield Rockets, our opponents, had some pretty impressive swimmers. The deck was brimming with Lycra and naked skin. The lane lines bobbed from one end of the pool to the other, while the lap counters dangled at the short end of the pool. I’d been so absorbed in my assistant coach duties; I hadn’t given much thought to my own races. My heat sheet was crumpled up in the pocket of my sweatshirt. The stands were filled with spectators, especially on the Raynesville side. Mom and Hannah were sitting on the portable green seat cushions they insisted on dragging to every meet. Mom waved down to me and winked. Obviously Dad had not gotten off work like he’d promised. “This is it, Jake,” Coach Higgins said. “How are you feeling?” “I’m fine coach. Did you want me to check over the heat sheets of the freshman group?” “Already did. Everyone is exactly where I want them. I hope I didn’t have Dani enter in too many races. After all, we’re not totally sure how she’ll perform in a real race.” “I thought she’d earned the nickname Mermaid? Something tells me she’ll do fine.” The coach had spoken of nothing else all week. He practically ignored the rest of the girl’s team. I was amazed Katrina even bothered to show this afternoon.

Most of the older girls sat on the bottom bleacher like a row of bare legged birds perched along a telephone wire. It was hard to tell them apart in their matching blue sweatshirts and hoods. Dani sat at the end. I would know her legs anywhere. I walked over and sat down next to her. The deep hood of her sweatshirt hid her face from the side. “Nervous?” She rubbed her legs to warm them. “A little, I guess. I haven’t given the meet much thought to be honest.”She reached into the pocket of her sweatshirt, pulled out her cell phone, and read the text message. Her hood slid back as she turned her face up to the bleachers and blew Blister a kiss. She looked back at me. “We had a long talk. I let Kevin know that I cherished his friendship and that I had no interest in any kind of romance with anyone. Last year I had to wrench myself from a really horrid relationship, and I’ve found being alone is much easier. He understood completely.” “Hopefully he’ll stop scowling at me then,” I said with a smile but inside I was feeling the bitter disappointment of her declaration of wanting to be alone. She stood to take off her sweatshirt. “I guess I should warm up.” “Good luck today.” I headed over to the where the freshmen were clustered in a nervous huddle, but I couldn’t stop myself from glancing over at Dani as she stretched. Her words replayed in my head over and over again and it felt like someone had slammed my chest with their fist. I looked up at Blister. He stared down at the deck with a smiling face. He’d taken what she’d said well. But I didn’t think I would recover as easily. The junior varsity team did well, but as was the case with most

first meets, nervousness and inexperience slowed their times. When the girl’s varsity took their mark on the blocks, the crowd buzzed like a flock of excited hummingbirds. Two of the girls on the opposing team had some great times on their cards for this race, so there was some stiff competition. Fans on the Raynesville side had their eyes on the thin, blonde swimmer with the mermaid on her shoulder. Rumors had swirled around town about the new girl’s swim abilities. No doubt Coach Higgins had started those rumors. The gun fired and they shot into the water. Their well-toned arms broke through the surface and plowed ahead like airplane propellers. Dani stretched into a strong lead by the time they had turned back One full body length ahead of the next swimmer, Dani touched the pad. The gallery thundered with cheers and stomping feet. By Dani’s third race, people were standing and chanting “mermaid” over and over again. At the end of each incredible heat, she smiled weakly and waved modestly to the crowd of fans. Dani was the anchor swimmer on our relay team, but they had fallen more than half a length behind when Dani plowed into the water. When she pulled ahead ten meters before the finish, the crowd could hardly be contained. She even captured the hearts of the opposition’s spectators. Someone had quickly drawn a mermaid on a piece of white cardboard and it bobbed up and down between the cheering heads. I glanced up to the stands. Everyone was wild. Even my mom and Hannah were standing and cheering. Alex was stomping on the bleachers and everyone on his row was shooting him scowls.

Coach Higgins stood with a gaping mouth as he watched the unbelievable event. “Holy hell, why isn’t this kid on an Olympic team?” Dani hoisted herself out of the water and the other girls, including Katrina, ran to hug her. Alex shouted ‘mermaids rock’ from the stand. Dani smiled up at him. Then she waved up to one of the spectators. It was her mom. She looked completely out of place amongst the other moms of the town, but Dani looked genuinely glad to see her. I handed her a towel. “You are something else.” “Thanks.” Her chin trembled. “You’re cold?” “I get cold easily. My body is still used to California temperatures.” She grabbed her sweatshirt from the bench. “I’m going to go in and dry off so I can watch your races without shivering.” “Don’t hurry,” I said. “After watching you, I’m pretty unimpressive.” My own races were not nearly as entertaining for the spectators. Normally, they were excited to see me race, but everyone had been so mesmerized by Dani, their energy was already spent. In fact, I’m pretty sure they were more interested in watching her sit on the bleachers than in anything that was happening in the water. I won every preliminary heat but not with any great times. I felt like I was swimming through pea soup. My concentration sucked and my enthusiasm was in the toilet. All this time I’d thought I was this really great swimmer and then I watched Dani swim. Suddenly my talent

seemed really mediocre. Alex and Blister walked onto the pool deck as the meet ended. Normally the coach would have yelled at them to get off, but he was floating around in his own blissful world of winning. He drifted into his office with championship banners in his eyes. Blister headed straight for Dani and gave her a huge, congratulatory hug. Alex slapped me hard on the back. “You’ve been shown-up, Bro. That little girl is a fish.” He glanced over at Dani and smiled back at me. “A fish with an awesome pair of legs. Are we starting a bonfire tonight?” I shrugged. “Come on, Dude, the first meet means the first bonfire. It’s tradition.” Dani and Blister walked over just then. “What’s tradition?” Dani asked. “We always have a bonfire at the bus after the first meet,” Alex said. Dani looked at me. “Sounds fun.” “I guess we don’t want to break tradition,” I said. “Great.” Dani headed to the girl’s lockers. I followed. “Dani?” She stopped and her big brown eyes made their usual assault on my senses. “I could give you a ride tonight . . . I mean if you don’t already have one.” “Sure.” I stared at her for a second. “You’re really amazing.” I pointed toward the pool area. “I mean in the water. Out of water too, of course.” I was sounding like the guy who’d finally worked up the courage to talk to a girl. My usual confidence with girls was

completely obliterated when I was near her. “See you tonight.” I decided to leave before I made an even bigger fool of myself. I turned right into Mr. Dermott. He looked shocked and a little pissed that I was standing there with Dani. He nodded coldly at me. “Jake.” Then he turned to Dani. “Come by my office next week and we’ll get started on those scholarship applications. After what I just saw out there, I don’t think you’ll have any problem getting your college financed.” “That would be terrific,” Dani said. Then Mr. Dermott stood there waiting for me to leave like he didn’t trust me to be alone with her or something. I looked at Dani. “I’ll pick you up around eight.” I didn’t even glance at Dermott as I pushed past him and headed to the coach’s office. Coach Higgins leaned back in his rolling chair with his feet propped on his desk. He was beaming with pride, apparently convinced that he had something to do with his new swimmer’s talent. “I know it was only a practice meet, but what an afternoon, huh?” he said with a sigh. “Yep.” “You swam some good races too.” It was an obvious afterthought, and it made me feel like the pitiful loser who everyone wanted to pat on the shoulder with sympathy. “I swam like an anchor,” I said. Obviously not listening to me, he nodded happily in agreement. “Make sure all the equipment is put away before you leave. And thanks for all your help today.” I left his office without another word. I could have told him his

chair was on fire and he wouldn’t have noticed. Dani had that kind of effect on people. She’d definitely had it on me.

Chapter 26 Dani “You really swam great,” Mom said as we got in the car. “What’s that sound of apprehension in your voice for?” I asked. “It’s just we’ve finally settled into our new house. I’m kind of worried about word getting out that the awesome swimmer with the mermaid tattoo has moved to Raynesville.” “If the ugly skeletons come out of your closet, it won’t be because of my swimming.” I sat back hard against the seat. “Besides, the school guidance counselor seems to think I’ve got a shot at some scholarship money.” “Really? Cool. Well then, I’ll guess we’ll just have to keep a watchful eye for my ugly skeletons.” The town was just settling down for the evening as we drove down Main. Shops were closing and people were heading home. And, tonight for the first time after a swim meet, Mom and I were heading home. And not to some sour smelling apartment with crusty bright blue carpeting, we were heading to our cozy little house. It all felt so unreal, so strange, so great. If only Amy and Grammie were there to greet us when we walked inside, things would be perfect. The house smelled suspiciously like home cooking. “What is that I smell?” Mom was trying to suppress a huge grin. “I cooked. I pulled out my mom’s crock pot and threw some stuff in there. I think it might even be edible. ”

“Stuff? You didn’t put Cocoa Puffs in there, did you?” “Nope, no cereal, mini-donuts or burnt popcorn. Just good old meat and vegetables.” Mom looked down at her jeans and t-shirt. “I’m thinking of getting myself an apron too.” “Baby steps, Mom.” I took a deep whiff of air. “I’m starved. I’m going to shower first. Jake is picking me up later for some bonfire thing.” “Bonfire?” “Apparently, it’s tradition.” Mom and I sat over the counter shoveling in the stew she’d made. It was surprisingly tasty. “Who knew you could cook,” I said between forkfuls. “Yeah, who knew? The funny thing is, I kind of liked it. I might even try it again. Maybe I’ll write a cookbook,” she laughed. “That might be a stretch, but I won’t complain if you cook something again.” “So what’s this traditional bonfire about?” she asked. “Not sure. Apparently they have one after the first meet. They’re kind of into tradition here.” She poured some salt on her food. “And Jake’s taking you?” “He offered to give me a ride.” She grinned into her bowl. “I see.” “What’s that tone about, Mom? He’s just giving me a ride.” “Of course.” She took another bite. “Normally, I’d take exception to that sarcastic tone,” I said, “but since you made such a great dinner, I’m going to ignore it.” I lifted my water glass into the air for a toast and she joined me. “Here’s to

a home cooked dinner, walls where you don’t have to listen to neighbors argue, and our corny but cool new town.” Our glasses clinked together. Jake came to the door in a tight black t-shirt and jeans, displaying all the dreaminess that Amy had always described. I couldn’t help but feel traitorous for hanging out with him. But I was thoroughly convinced he had nothing to do with her crash dieting or her death. Besides, it was just a ride to a bonfire. Jake opened the jeep door for me. “I’m going to swing by and pick up Blister too.” I climbed in and he walked to his side and slid in too. “So what exactly happens at this traditional bonfire? Besides fire, I mean.” Jake smiled. “Well, let’s see. Alex gets drunk and acts like an idiot, at least one of Katrina’s friends, or possibly even Katrina herself, will end up slapping a guy before storming off in a display of drama, and at least four marshmallows will end up as black charcoal in the pit instead of inside someone’s stomach.” “Wow, so everyone has a part to play. What about you?” He turned and looked at me. Up close he was a beautiful sight. His smile was right out of a toothpaste commercial. “My part always seems to be making sure Blister doesn’t get so fed up with Alex’s idiot act that he--” Jake let go of the steering wheel and held up a pair of air quotes “accidentally lights Alex’s shoes on fire.” He reached behind the seat for something and pulled up a bag. “Plus, I supply the marshmallows.” I zipped up my sweatshirt. “It sure is cold here. I’m looking

forward to the fire. So I guess I’ll have to come up with my traditional role too. I mean I don’t want to just be known as the boring girl who comes to the bonfire to stay warm and eat marshmallows.” His blue eyes peered over at me for a second. “I don’t think anyone could ever use the word boring to describe you, Mermaid, with or without the marshmallows.” I rolled my eyes. “Ugh, that ridiculous nickname. I actually hadn’t realized that people would call me that until after I got the tattoo. Then it was too late. Now I’m destined to be a Disney character forever. Of course, the mermaid does end up with a pretty hunky prince at the end.” Jake pulled up in front of Blister’s house and honked. “Those damn cartoon princes have all the luck. I mean that Sleeping Beauty chick was amazing.” Blister climbed into the backseat. “Mermaid, mermaid, mermaid.” I turned around. “Kevin, you know I love you, but that could get old fast.” I noticed he’d begun to let a five o’clock shadow become a permanent fixture like Jake’s. His mass of blonde hair stuck out from beneath a baseball cap. “Dude, you bought the cheap marshmallows. Those things are made of plastic or something. It takes them forever to char to a nice, crispy finish.” “Sorry, that’s the only kind my mom had.” I looked over at Jake. “I guess you failed your part of the tradition.”

Jake glanced up in his rearview mirror at Blister. “Let’s hope I don’t fail at the other part.” “What the heck are you two talking about?” Blister asked. We laughed. “Nothing,” Jake said. A thin strand of smoke swirled up from below as Jake turned off the road. The fire was already blazing. There were at least a dozen people sitting around a circle of stones. With just the fire to provide light, I could only recognize Alex’s massive silhouette. Jake stopped the jeep and we hopped out. Alex jumped up. “About time. I’m already halfway through my six pack. And my buddy, Chuck, should be here any minute.” “So I’m finally going to meet the famous Chuck,” I said. I was actually looking forward to talking to the guy. I had some questions for him about Amy, which if the opportunity presented itself, I planned to ask.” “Prepare to be unimpressed,” Jake said. “You just hate him because he’s so damn hot,” Katrina said. Jake put up his hands in surrender. “Yeah, that’s it, Katrina, you found me out.” I sat between Jake and Blister against a log. Even laced up in hiking boots, my feet were already freezing. I moved them closer to the warmth of the flames. “I was sure Coach Higgins was going to have a stroke today during the meet,” Alex said. “You should be on an Olympic team.” “Yeah, well, it’s kind of hard to train for the Olympics when you’re moving from town to town every few months.” “You’re staying here though, right?” Blister asked abruptly.

I nodded. “I think so. I hope so.” An uncomfortable silence fell over the group, and I wished I hadn’t said anything. These people had probably always had a home right here in Raynesville. They’d all had the life I’d always dreamed about, stable and predictable. “I’ve brought the goods.” Jake pulled the marshmallows out of his jacket. Behind us, a motorcycle rumbled down the dirt path. The engine stopped. Alex hopped up. “About time.” “He should just friggin’ marry the guy,” Blister said under his breath as if he was already annoyed with Alex. Chuck walked around to the opposite side of the bonfire and the glow of the flames lit his face beneath the long blonde hair. I jumped up with a gasp. Jake had to catch me before I fell backwards over the log. “What are you doing here?” My voice came out a mere squeak. He stared back at me a long time before speaking. “Danielle.” He was the only person who ever called me by my full name and hearing it now made ice run through me. “Cody, what the hell are you doing here?” The faces around the bonfire were frozen on us, and no one said a word for a long moment until Alex broke the silence. “Dude, you know Mermaid? And why’d she call you Cody?” “Cody’s my real name.” His hard gaze fell on my face. “It was you the other night when we were playing that stupid game. You untied my mouth and kissed me. That’s why it felt so wretched.” A gasp made its way around the circle.

He winced as if my words had stung him physically. “Danielle, can we talk?” I looked around at the wide-eyed faces. Then my gaze landed on Jake. His expression was telling me not to go. I stood for a moment contemplating my options. Then I stepped over the log. “As a matter of fact you can talk to me, and I have some questions for you.” I stomped past him not completely sure if this was the smartest thing in the world, but I intended to find out just how well he knew Amy. We walked to the bus and just out of view of the fire. “You came here last year, why? What did you do to Amy? Did you attack her like you did me out there in the dark, you sick creep? Where’s the monster you call Dad?” The accusatory words started flying, and Cody looked more and more hurt with each assault. “Attack? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just wanted to get to know Amy so I could find out where you were. I didn’t hurt her. I just thought she’d be my clue to finding you.” He inched closer and I retreated. “Dad’s been in jail for the last year. We don’t talk anymore.” “Well, Amy had no idea where I was because we were hiding from you and your dad.” “I know that.” He stepped closer, and I took a step back out of his reach. “Danielle, I can’t stand being without you. I need you.” He reached over and tried to touch the scar on my lip, but I pulled out of his reach. “I don’t need you. I don’t have any feelings for you at all.” He stepped closer again. “That can’t be true.” His eyes

darkened. I stepped back and smacked into the vine covered shell of the bus. I moved to sidle past him but he grabbed my arm and held it tightly. “Let go of me, Cody. You don’t want to make an ass out of yourself in front of all these people.” He squeezed my arm tighter and the short fuse of his temper came back to me. “I don’t give a crap about any of them. I came here to find you, and it looks like I made the right choice because here you are.” He leaned forward to kiss me, and I pulled my face to the side. He roughly grabbed my chin with his free hand and moved his mouth toward me but a hand grabbed his shoulder. Jake swung Cody around and threw a fist in his face. Blood sprayed from Cody’s nose. Cody reached into his boot and pulled out a shiny blade. He took a swipe at Jake and got the top of his hand. Blood poured in rivulets down Jake’s fingers. Suddenly we were surrounded. Alex stepped forward. “You’d better get out of here now, asshole.” Even armed with a knife, Cody saw he was outnumbered and raced off toward his bike, fired it up, and sped off. Blister yanked off his sweatshirt and wrapped it around Jake’s blood covered hand. “You’ve got to get that stitched up. I’ll drive you to the hospital.” “God, Jake, I’m so sorry.” I blinked hard to fight back tears and tucked my trembling hands into my pockets. Jake tucked the sweatshirt bound hand under his arm to stench the bleeding. “It’s not your fault, Dani.”

Alex was on the phone to his dad to let him know what had happened. Blister and I walked Jake to the car. I climbed into the backseat feeling sick from the events. He’d been following me all this time, the sick creep. And now my sordid life had brought ugliness here to Raynesville. Now everyone here knew what kind of life I’d come from. But mostly it made me sick that Jake knew. I leaned over the seat and smoothed the back of my hand down his cheek. He responded instantly by pressing his face against my hand. My chest tightened knowing I’d probably just cost him his swim season. “Keep it above your heart, Jake. It will slow the blood flow.” Blister looked over at the sweatshirt that absorbed the blood like a thick cotton sponge and paled. “You’re gonna owe me a sweatshirt, buddy.” “Yeah, looks that way.” “That was fast thinking, Kevin, when you pulled that off to wrap it.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, thanks,” Jake said. He fished in his pocket for his cell phone and called his mom with his one good hand. “Mom, don’t freak out or anything, but Blister’s driving me to the hospital to get stitches in my hand.” Jake pulled the phone slightly from his ear, and I could hear the volume of his mom’s voice increase. “Mom, you’re freaking out. I cut my hand. I’ll tell you about it when you get there.” I could hear her voice but couldn’t make out what she asked. “Yeah, I’d say my swim season just took a major blow.”

I sat back against the seat. My stomach twisted into a knot and the burning sensation in my eyes returned. Jake hung up and rested his head back against the headrest. He looked pale and a little sweaty. “Jake, this was all my fault,” my voice broke. “I’m so sorry.” “Dani, it’s not your fault. You had no idea that jerk had followed you here.” Blister chuckled. “Man, did you see Alex when he realized his best buddy was a freakin’ stalker? I thought we were going to have to pick up his eyeballs and push them back into that thick skull of his.” Jake smiled. “Yeah, but Alex always comes through the end. That’s why it’s hard to completely hate the guy.” Jake winced as he moved his hand higher in the air. “I just wish he’d never invited the guy in the first place.” Blister glanced up in the rear view mirror at me. “That guy is seriously crazy. How long has it been since you two were together?” “I haven’t seen him in well over a year, and we were never really together.” Shame heated me face. “It’s really humiliating to talk about,” I said quietly. “Did he give you that scar on your lips?” Jake asked. I contemplated not answering, but they’d already discovered the ugliness of my previous life. “Cody’s father was a real pig. I stepped between his fist and my mom one day.” The hospital came into view. It was a small two story building that reminded me more of a doctor’s office than a hospital. There was a police car sitting

out front. “Alex’s dad is here,” Blister said. “I’m sure he’s going to want details.” Car lights flashed behind us and Blister glanced up in the mirror. “Alex is behind us.” I was glad to know that Alex’s dad had come. After seeing Cody tonight and seeing that he hadn’t changed at all, I was convinced he had something to do with Amy’s death. Even if he’d denied it. Blister pulled the jeep up to the entrance and stopped. I hopped out and held the elbow of Jake’s bleeding hand. He forced a little smile, and I had to fight back tears. “Dani, don’t look so sad. It’s nothing a stitch or two won’t fix. Hell, maybe I’ll just need a bandage.” We both looked at the sweatshirt. It was soaked in blood. “Okay, a really big bandage.” Alex’s dad met us inside. He was a giant of a man who looked extremely imposing in his khaki uniform and gun belt. His eyes widened when he saw the blood. “Wow, Jake, he really got you good.” “Yeah, but I threw the first punch,” Jake admitted. “Didn’t know he was carrying a blade.” “Well, you go in and get stitched up, and we’ll get the report later.” Alex came in behind us. “Chuck’s real name is Cody,” he blurted before his dad could fire off a question. “I know that, Alex. He did some time for drunk and disorderly last year.” A nurse brought out a wheelchair and Jake sat in it.

Blister walked in. “Do you want me to come hold your hand, Jakey?” He joked but he looked truly concerned about his best friend. Jake waved back as he was wheeled away. “I’d rather have a nurse hold my hand. I never know where yours has been,” he called as the double doors shut behind him. Jake’s mom rushed in next. Her face was pale and her eyes were glossy. Alex’s dad walked right over to greet her. He talked to the nurse behind the desk, and the double doors opened for her to go inside. He returned and looked directly at me. “You’re Dani Spencer?” I nodded. “I’m sorry about your cousin,” he said. His exterior was gruff and intimidating, but he said the words with true sincerity. “Thank you.” It was my opportunity. “Sir, I’m worried that Cody had something to do with her death. Amy was not really the suicide type. She loved life. As you can see, Cody is dangerous. I’ve known him for a few years.” He listened attentively like any well trained officer. “Dani, there just wasn’t any evidence of foul play. There were no brake marks on the curve of road where Amy’s car went off. The only other tire marks were a motorcycle.” “But Cody rides a motorcycle.” “Yes, he does, but from what we could see the bike had just happened by before Amy’s car. There was no connection to be found.” A woman’s voice vibrated from the radio on his belt, and he turned the volume down. “If there was any reason to think Cody

was involved, I would investigate it.” Alex stepped forward. “But, Dad, he came all the way here from California to look for Dani. While I can sympathize with the guy because she’s not an easy girl to forget,” Alex winked at me and my fondness for him increased by the minute, “the guy has some serious problems.” Alex’s dad nodded and sighed. “I’ll open the file again and see if there’s anything that I can pinpoint as being significant.” I would have hugged him if he weren’t wearing a uniform and guns. “Thanks so much, sir.” He picked up his radio and went outside to talk on it. Blister and Alex flopped onto the vinyl chairs in the hospital waiting room, but I was still too shaken by the evening to sit still.Alex lifted a magazine and looked at it with disgust. “A magazine about fishing, seriously, that’s the best they can do?” “What were you expecting a porn magazine in the hospital waiting room?” Blister rolled his eyes then socked Alex on the arm. “Told you the guy was a jerk.” “Yeah, but he had the best--,” Alex glanced to see that his dad was still outside. His dad came through the automatic doors just then and Alex clamped his mouth shut. He returned the radio to his belt. “They’ve picked up Cody. I’m going to go question him right now about tonight.” He looked pointedly at me. “Among other things.” “Thanks again,” I said. I had no idea if it would lead to anything but I had to try. My intuition would not rest. My cousin did not drive off a cliff intentionally. And the night of the Game, something

happened to her. And with the way Cody had attacked me, thinking he might have done the same to Amy wasn’t that farfetched. Jake received eight stitches. He was loopy on pain pills so his mom drove him home and Blister drove me home in Jake’s jeep. Mom was still up watching an old black and white movie. “The movies were corny back then but much more romantic than anything they produce today.” She sat up. “How was the bonfire?” I plopped next to her on the couch. “The bonfire was cut short because Cody showed up.” She blinked a couple of times trying to absorb what I’d just said. “Cody? Is he someone I know?” “Well, considering he lived in the same house with us for a few months, I’m pretty sure you know him.” Her face paled and she grabbed my hands. “You don’t mean--” I nodded. “In the flesh. Apparently he’s been passing himself off as some guy named Chuck. He came here last year and met Amy. He was looking for me.” The lines on her face deepened, and I realized even though she was still young, the life she’d led in the last decade had aged her. “Where is he now?” “In jail, I think.” “Jail? How? Why?” “He sliced open Jake’s hand with a knife.” Mom slumped back looking as if she might throw up. “Oh my God, Dani. What have I done?” “Mom, you can hardly take blame for the fact that Cody is a psycho.”

“The town will blame us-- me. I’m sure they’ve never had trouble like this before. My ugly skeletons followed us after all.” Her voice was shaky. I placed my hand on hers. “Mom--” A car pulled up in front of the house. Mom nearly fell over the coffee table as she jumped up to race to the window. “Relax, Mom. His dad’s in jail.” She nodded. “Good to know.” Her hands trembled as she lifted back the curtain. She gasped, and I was sure she was going to pass out. “Who is it?” “The cops,” she said. She looked like she needed to breathe into a paper bag. I walked to the window and peeked out. Alex’s dad was stepping out of his squad car. “That’s Alex’s dad. I mentioned to him that I thought Cody might have had something to do with Amy’s death.” “Why did you do that?” Mom asked angrily. Like a paranoid junkie, she looked frantically around the room. “Mom, I don’t think you have to hide the cereal boxes. I think we’re fine. And even if you don’t care what happened to Amy, I do.” She looked so frantic about a policeman coming to the door, I felt sorry for her. I grabbed her hand. It was sweaty. “Mom, we’re not in California. There’s nothing to worry about.” She relaxed for a second, but the heavy knock at the door made her eyes bulge. Her

shaky hand flew to her chest. I opened the door. The look on my mom’s face when she’d seen a police car pull up out front could only be rivaled by the look on Alex’s dad’s face when he saw my mom. It was a shocked look that I could only interpret as how did this woman slip under my radar? By the time I’d introduced her, he’d regained his composure. He glanced around the room and looked at both of us. “Dani had some suspicions that Cody might have had something to do with Amy’s death, so I reopened the file. Something in my memory told me it wasn’t possible, but I double checked my dates to be sure. Last year, Cody was working with a construction crew at my house. One night we got a call about a minor who was drunk and disorderly in public. It was Cody. I arrested him and he spent the night in jail. He was still there the next evening when I got a call about a car going off the highway.” He looked sympathetically at me. “It was Amy’s car. Cody was incarcerated the night Amy died. He couldn’t have been involved. I’m sorry I don’t have anything else for you.” “But where is Cody now?” Mom asked. “I’m worried about him being in town.” “He won’t be for long. He has several warrants out in California, so we’ll be moving him there. The incident tonight could have been considered self-defense since he was surrounded by Dani’s friends. The charges in California are more serious. I think we’ve seen the last of Chuck or Cody.”

Chapter 27 Jake As soon as the happy pills wore off my hand throbbed like crazy. Dad was far more pissed about my swim season than worried about the fact that my hand had been sliced open. I thanked him for his concern with a huge dose of sarcasm, which only led to him being more pissed. I was relieved he had to work this weekend. I was not in the mood for his scowls. After breakfast, I was supposed to clean the barn and Mom was going to take the horses out for a ride, but there wasn’t any way I was going to be able to grip a mucking fork so we switched roles. I threw a bridle and reins on Dakota and headed down the road. I saw Dani’s long, smooth legs sticking off the porch steps before I saw the rest of her. She was eating a piece of toast as Dakota plodded past her house. She looked up and waved. When she saw my wrapped hand, last night’s look of guilt returned. She put down her plate and walked across the road. Her hand reached up to pat Dakota’s neck. “How does it feel this morning?” “A little like it’s on fire.” Her long lashes fluttered down. “I am so sorry, Jake.” “Please, Dani, don’t. I mean this hurts and everything, but it hurts a lot more to look at your face and know you’re blaming yourself. Even if I knew he had a knife, I would have done the same thing.” Her gaze lifted to me again and her brown eyes looked close to tears. “Truthfully, he’s lucky I didn’t have a knife. When I saw him

grab you, I wanted to rip his head off.” A tiny smile crossed her lips. “Alex’s dad came by. He’s sending Cody back to the authorities in California,” she said. “Yeah, he came by my house after he stopped at yours. Took down a report.” She stared down the road a moment. “He was in jail the night Amy died. I was sure he had something to do with her death. I was sure he attacked her the night she played the Game.” Her voice trembled some. “So he was there that night we played. I heard you say something to him about it. I guess that explains the kiss.” The morning air was warm but she wrapped her arms around herself. She nodded. “He must have been watching us . . . watching me.” She patted Dakota once more. “I don’t want to keep you. Your horse looks bored.” She turned to leave. “You want to come along?” She stopped and spun around with a gleam in her eyes. “Really?” “I’m not headed anywhere. Just exercising the horse.” “Are you sure Dakota won’t mind having me up there too?” “He won’t mind at all.” “Let me leave a note for my mom. Should I change into pants?” Her demeanor brightened, and I was glad I’d taken her mind off last night. “Not as long as you don’t mind a little horse hair on your legs.” Her mouth broke into a full smile. It had its usual profound effect

on me. “I don’t mind. I’ll be right back.” I moved Dakota close to the fence. Dani climbed on it and threw her leg over. Her hands went around my waist and the feel of her touching me had nearly the same drugging effect as the pain pills. She rested her chin on my shoulder and her mouth was so close to my ear I could feel her breath on me. I had to slow down my own breathing. “Do you think we could ride back to the tunnel with Amy’s paintings? I’d really like to see them again.” “Definitely. There’s a trail that heads down there.” For a while the only sounds were birds chirping and Dakota’s grunts and snorts. It was one of those perfect weather days where the sun-warmed air was cooled by a refreshing breeze. “Are you sure it’s not too much weight to have me back here?” Dani asked. “Dakota’s making a lot of noises like he’s not super happy about this.” I patted his neck. “He always snorts and grunts when he has to move. He’s used to standing and eating all day. Forward movement takes energy. He’s not crazy about expending it.” Dani slipped to the right a bit and grabbed me tighter around the waist to right herself. “I was thinking, Jake, I don’t really want to swim in the next meet. It’s not that big of a deal to me.” I glanced over my shoulder at her. “Are you kidding? You have to swim. The whole friggin’ school is waiting to watch your next meet. Besides, the coach will drop dead from a heart attack.” She didn’t say anything at first. “It’s just I wouldn’t feel right swimming if you can’t. It’s all my fault.”

“Stop already with the it’s my fault thing. You have to swim, Dani. Don’t even think of skipping it.” A kid was riding his skateboard down the steep road and Dakota took a quick step sideways. Dani’s grip tightened and she giggled. “Sorry, this horse is being extra dramatic this morning. I pushed my leg into Dakota’s side and moved him back into the center of the narrow trail. “Skateboarding down that road looks dangerous,” Dani said. “It’s sort of a rite of passage here in Raynesville. Blister and I tried it once when we were in eighth grade. No helmets, no shirts, no brains. Blister was ahead of me and lost control, so he jumped off and tried to run it but rolled across the asphalt. As he peeled his skin off on the road, his board went flying into my knee and took me out too. We called it the skinless summer since neither of us had any skin left on our backs or shoulders.” Dani laughed. “That’s horrible. You poor guys. You and Blister have been friends a long time, haven’t you?” “Yep.” “Amy was my only true friend. Mom and I were never in one school long enough for me to make any real friends.” I turned Dakota down the dirt path that led to the tunnel. The horse slowed to a snail’s pace as if I was asking him to tread on steep, slippery marble. “Come on, Dakota, you used to chase down cattle.” I squeezed my legs but he still walked with extreme caution. “It seems you never stayed in one place long, and I’ve stayed in one place too long.”

“You don’t like it here?” I shrugged. “I guess I’m bored of it.” I leaned back and she followed as we reached the steepest part of the trail. With her incredible legs right next to mine and her body pressed against me, it was taking every ounce of my self-control not to touch her. And I really had no idea how she’d react if I did. Maybe I didn’t want to find out. She’d already made it clear she wasn’t interested in any relationship. A thin, shallow stream rang along the forested area leading to the tunnel. There was a rich patch of grass running along the south side of its bank. I reined Dakota to a stop at the mouth of the tunnel. Dani slid off first and I followed. I didn’t have a halter but tied the reins so they wouldn’t get caught beneath Dakota’s hooves, and he immediately dropped his head to graze in the lush grass. “Will he just stand there?” Dani asked. “In the movies they always wrap the reins around some wood log out front of the saloon. Kind of like parking a horse, I guess.” “Yeah, that’s in the movies. Unfortunately, if you tie a horse to something with a bit and bridle, one loud sound could cause them to pull all their teeth out. Dakota has been trained to ground tie.Besides, nothing will move him from that grass. The same thing works for Blister only it would have to be a pasture of barbecue potato chips.” Dani laughed. “And what kind of field would you like to stand in?” she asked as she headed toward the tunnel. “I’ve never given it much thought. French fries, I guess, but there would have to be a river of ketchup flowing through it.”

“My weakness is black jelly beans,” Dani said. “You are weird. Those are so gross. You’d be the only person standing in a licorice jelly bean pasture.” “Good, then I wouldn’t have to share.” We grew silent as soon as we stepped inside the tunnel. Amy’s paintings surrounded us, and it seemed to overwhelm Dani. She walked up to a picture of a vase with flowers where the roses looked so real you were certain they’d have a fragrance. Her fingers traced the petals. “She had so much talent,” she said in a near whisper. “And she loved everything about life, romance, laughter, food . . .” She sighed and walked over to the picture of me on a horse. “You do look damn good on a horse, Jake West. In fact, if you had ridden a bicycle instead of a horse, this picture just wouldn’t be the same.” “So you’re saying it’s all about the horse?” She laughed again and I wondered if I would ever work up enough nerve to kiss her. Dani walked carefully along the entire length of the tunnel touching each picture as if she could feel Amy inside them. “I’m so glad you showed me these. Between her diary and these pictures, I feel like I have a part of her with me,” she said sadly. She reached the end of the tunnel where two massive truck tires had been dumped, and from the looks of them, they’d been there for years. Dani bent over and looked through the center of the tires. “There’s a picture behind the tires.” She tried to budge them. “Jake, help me move them.” “Man, and I was having such a good time watching you try and

move them.” Even in the dim light of the tunnel I could see her blush. “Just get over here, Mr. Smarmy.” I pulled the first tire up and rolled it away. Then the second. We both stared at the revealed picture. The rest of the pictures were brightly colored images of people, animals, and flowers. This picture was painted in black, white, and red. It was a mouth taking a bite from the palm of a hand. Blood sprayed from the hand.” Dani sank to her knees and looked closer at the rather disturbing picture. “Why would she draw this? It’s so horrid. I’d never seen her draw anything like it before.” “Yeah, I’ve got to say that is pretty bizarre for an Amy painting.” Dani touched the edges of the paint. The strokes looked heavy and thick as if they’d been dashed off in anger. “I wonder if something happened to her and she . . .” Dani stood. She looked at me, then her gaze casually fluttered to my good hand then to the one that was covered in gauze. She might as well have stabbed me in the chest. It would have been less painful. I lifted my free hand palm up. “Nothing there. And there’s nothing under the bandage either except the stitches and a lot of pain.” Immediately her expression turned apologetic. “I’m sorry, Jake. I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just wondering if--” “What? If it was me, after all? If I’m the one who sent Amy over the cliff,” I lowered my hand. “That is, after I slammed her with mean words, sent her into a diet craze, and attacked her in the forest.” I spun around to leave.

“It was just a reflex, Jake. I don’t think you’re responsible.” I twisted back around and the look on her incredible face nearly made me lose my resolve, but the pain in my chest was still too acute. “Maybe no one is responsible, Dani. Maybe it’s just like the report said. Maybe she killed herself. Or maybe she fell asleep at the wheel. Or maybe a deer jumped in front of her. Maybe she was a crappy driver. Maybe you should stop obsessing about it.” The words shot out like bullets and each one brought her closer to tears and now my chest ached more. “I’m sorry,” I blurted as she stormed past me. She started walking back to the road. I united Dakota’s reins and led him up the trail. “Dani, it’s too far to walk. Let me give you a ride.” She ignored me and started running. She never looked back.

Chapter 28 Dani I ran all the way home chiding myself for being so stupid. And I wondered if I was obsessing too much about Amy’s death. Jake’s words had stung not just because they’d come from him but because they rang true. I didn’t know why I couldn’t accept the fact that Amy killed herself. Maybe I didn’t want to think she’d been so sad and so alone that she finally decided life wasn’t worth it. When I read her words and looked at her pictures, it was hard to comprehend how she’d been brought low enough by life’s cruelties and mishaps to kill herself. Mostly I was feeling guilty at the thought of it. I was hiding in sleazy motels, and she had no one to talk to. I slammed the door behind me wondering how I was ever going to face Jake again. On my run home, I resolved to quit the swim team. I was hoping I’d found my home, a place where I could fit and stay longer than six months, but that reality had come to an ugly end last night when Cody showed up. Soon the entire town would know about the ugly life Mom and I had led. And now I’d lost the friendship of someone I truly liked. The look on Jake’s face when I’d glanced at his hand nearly broke my heart in two. It had been a reflex. I knew deep down he hadn’t been involved, but I wanted to reassure myself. Now he would despise me forever. And I deserved it. The clinkering sound of a glass jar falling in the sink came from the bathroom as I walked inside. “Damn it,” Mom’s voice drifted

down the hall. The bathroom door was ajar. Mom had smoothed down the spikes in her hair and her hands were filled with flesh toned make-up. She’d caked a bunch of it on her forearms blurring her tattoos into greenish colored mosaics. “You’re using cover-up to hide your tattoos?” I asked. She sighed loudly, braced her hands on the edge of the vanity, and dropped her head. “What was I thinking? It’s like I never grew up.” Her voice broke. All I needed to complete my crappy morning was another Mom break-down. “Mom, maybe he’ll think they’re cool. Maybe he likes you enough to not care that your arms are covered in tattoos.” She stared down at the make-up smeared in the sink and on the vanity and laughed. “I don’t know why I thought this would work. Not to mention, it would cost me a fortune. I’d have to buy a new bottle every day.” She turned on the water and washed her arms. “I’ll just have to wear long sleeves until I’m brave enough to tell him.” “And if he drops you for it then he wasn’t worth it anyway.” I turned to head to my bedroom. “How was the ride with Jake?” she asked. “Awful.” “Do you want to talk about it?” “No,” I called from my room and shut the door. My backpack stared at me from across the room with unfinished homework hidden inside. I still had an essay to write for Comparative Religions, but I doubted that I could write anything coherent at the moment. Amy’s diary stared at me as well, and I decided it would

be more fun to look at than the empty pages of my notebook. I walked to the desk and picked it up, deciding to flip to one of the earlier passages where things still seemed right in her world. As I picked up the diary, I saw Blister walking up Jake’s driveway. I wondered if Jake would relay the whole horrid scene to him. It was hard to know since it seemed guys rarely talked about things. I sat on my bed and opened to a page where Amy had doodled a castle picture. Well, I waited and waited for an invitation to the ball but it never came, and so I spend another Saturday night alone. Have discovered a new treat and since I’m supposed to be writing about my food exploits, I shall describe it here. The recipe is quite simple. Melt together butterscotch chips and chocolate chips. Dip things in. Everything, it seems, tastes good dipped in melted chocolate and butterscotch. Even potato chips. Especially potato chips, but avoid the salt and vinegar ones. Those are best alone. With my microwave chocolate fondue and dipping items in hand, I will attempt to prove why romance was much better in the 19th century than today. On the topic of clothing, back then - long frock coats, tall boots, and top hats. Today - wife beater shirts, cumbersome athletic shoes (without shoelaces so they have to drag their feet to stay in shoes), baseball hats with sweat stain across forehead. On the topic of communication, back then - long, handwritten letters with words that contained more than one syllable. Today - three letter, confusing text messages that could be interpreted as grunts across the digital airwaves. On the topic of dancing, back then quadrilles, okay never mind about that one. Even men in frock coats

looked silly dancing in a quadrille. Not that today’s dancing is any better, but at least there’s no skipping involved. I’ve run out of chips and since there is still chocolate left I must return to the kitchen for more dipping items. Will continue my important comparison study at another date. I closed the diary and pressed it against my chest. There was so much of her soul in the book, so much of the awesome person I knew. When we were younger, and I felt awful because Mom had done something horrid like show up to my class play drunk, Amy always came up with a way to cheer me up. I thought back to the Christmas when Mom didn’t come home, and I refused to get out of bed. Amy pulled me from my covers to the kitchen where she’d put together an assembly line of apples, peanut butter and bird seed. Then we ran around the neighborhood tying seed covered apples in the trees so the birds could have Christmas too. She was never depressed. And there I was back to my obsession again, but I couldn’t let it rest. None of it made sense. I’d dozed off for awhile when a knock at the front door woke me. Mom was in her room trying on outfits that would make her look more stable and less wild, so I jumped up to open it. Blister stood on our front porch with his usual grin and wild mass of curly hair. “Hey, Dani. I was just happening by.” I glanced toward Jake’s house. “Did he tell you what a whack job I am?” He smiled and attempted to smooth back some of his hair, but it bounced right back. Then he showed me his palms. “Not funny, Blister.” I sat down on the top step and he joined

me. “I’m just going to wait here for the men with the straight jacket to carry me off.” “You’re not crazy, and I don’t think you’re obsessed either. I was there when your cousin played that stupid game and something happened that night. I don’t know what but she was really upset. Jake saw too. He understands, I think. He was just hurt that you thought it was him.” Blister put his hand on my shoulder. “We all have things that get stuck in our heads. Amy couldn’t stop thinking about Jake. Cody couldn’t stop thinking about you. You can’t stop thinking about your cousin’s death. Eventually things get unstuck. Through most of elementary school and junior high, I was sure my dad would come back to town. He’d write me letters occasionally and stick a ten dollar bill inside, but he never came back. Then I stopped waiting for him. He got unstuck.” I placed my arm around him and squeezed him. “Your dad missed out.” “Yeah, he did.” “I’m such an idiot. Do you think Jake will ever talk to me again?” Blister smiled. “Considering that the thing stuck in his head at the moment is you, I think he’ll definitely consider it.” “I think I came unstuck today too. I wouldn’t blame Jake if he hated me.” “You know Jake’s always had things come easily to him. Not that he didn’t deserve it. Even with a popularity status that bordered on legendary, he kept his head and his cool. Everyone adored him. Then when rumor got around that he’d said something cruel about

Amy’s weight, and she’d started crash dieting, some of the shine came off his armor. He really beat himself up about it. Not because people didn’t think as highly of him, but because he couldn’t stand that he had caused her pain. Then when she died and the town decided it was because of him, his whole life took a nose dive. His grades crashed, he had no interest in swimming, there was even a point where he started soaking his brain with alcohol. The town had convinced him that he’d caused Amy to kill herself. Never mind that no one in town had given her the time of day before that, but they needed someone to blame. And it all fell on Jake’s shoulders. Dermott was the worst. Jake had considered him a friend, but Dermott made him feel like crap about the whole thing. Slowly, the hurt he was feeling faded. He started coming around again. Then you arrived. It was like the whole guilt trip began again.” “And now I’ve made things worse,” I said. Blister shook his head. “No, no you haven’t. When Jake realized that you didn’t blame him for Amy’s death, I could see him really start to come around. Today was a small setback, but I think he’ll recover.” “I don’t know how I can face him,” I said. Blister looked toward Jake’s house. “Since he lives five hundred yards from you, I think it will be hard to avoid.” He stood to leave. “Jake sure is lucky to have you as a friend, Kevin.” A smile spread across his face. “Yeah, he is.” Blister left and I shuffled inside to start the essay. I grabbed my notebook and propped my bare feet on the window seat. I glanced up the street once. There was no sign of Jake. I pushed my pen

against the paper, but before I could get my topic sentence down, my essay morphed into a letter to Amy. This would have all been so much better if you’d been here. Mom and I have a home finally but only because you and Grammie died. Why is life like that? Something great always has to coupled with something horrible. Where did you go Amy? Why aren’t you here now? I need to know. I need to know what made you so distraught you decided to leave Grammie and me. That summer when your mom died, I know you cried every night into your pillow, and I listened but didn’t say anything because if it had been my mom, I’d have done the same. I wouldn’t have wanted you to say anything either. Sometimes it’s easier just to cry without having to talk about it. But you made it through the awful summer even when you had to pack for Grammie’s. You always kicked away your hurt and troubles with laughter and your drawings. Why was it different this time? What happened to you that night when you played the Game? By the way, you’d be pleased to know your romantic hero was in anguish over your death. The regret from him seems palpable. I can see it in his eyes (they are gloriously beautiful, by the way), I can see it in the tightness of his jaw, I can see it in movement of his throat when he swallows like he’s trying to swallow back what he said. How am I supposed to go on, not knowing why you left? By the time I’d finished the last word, the tears were falling like raindrops on my paper. Then I heard Jake’s voice, and my face popped up. He was sitting on a horse talking over the pasture fence

to his mom. Suddenly his gaze drifted to my window. He stared at me for a long time then turned away.

Chapter 29 Jake Blister had not come for breakfast but he was standing by my locker when I arrived. His face was twisted into a life sucks expression. I twisted the combo on my locker and smiled down at him. “You look like you just ate a tub full of those turbo blasted sour candies.” He stared down at the ground. “Something like that,” he muttered. I grabbed my books and slammed shut the locker door. “Seriously, what’s up?” He shrugged acting as if he wasn’t going to talk about it but then the words sputtered out. “My dad sent an email.” “That’s good, isn’t it? I mean you haven’t heard from him in a long time, right?” “Oh yeah it’s good, it’s freakin’ wonderful. The entire message talked about his new family. Apparently he married some witchy looking chick,” he glanced up at me, “did I mention he sent pictures? Anyhow, they live in Florida. With any luck it’s near an alligator farm. Oh, and he has an eight year old kid. Isn’t that special? And the dude looks like me in the picture except for the whole father standing proudly next to him part.” “Damn, Blister, that sucks on so many levels.” His arms went out to his sides. “I mean why the hell would we want to see pictures of his family?” He tapped his chest.“I could

have sworn we were his family. My mom spent the whole day crying. I was so pissed; I sent him back a picture of myself giving him the finger and told him thanks for the lovely Sunday treat.” We walked inside Ms. Miller’s classroom and sat down in the back. I hadn’t seen Dani since our argument yesterday and was having a hard time swallowing just thinking about seeing her. What an oversensitive jerk I was. She had every right to search my hand for a bite scar. The skin around the stitches still hurt, and I propped up my elbow on the desk. Having my hand elevated seemed to ease the pain. I glanced over at Blister. He was slumped so low in his chair, his back nearly rested on the seat. I’d never seen him look so upset. “Kevin,” Mrs. Miller snapped from her desk, “sit up properly in that chair. I don’t need any slouchers in this classroom. Blister sat up an inch higher, but that was all he was willing to give. She eyed him like a snake then continued to write the assignment on the board. The door opened and Dani slipped inside. Her long lashes fluttered down instantly, and she stared at the floor as she walked to her seat. I’d seen Blister sitting on her front porch yesterday after leaving my house, but he didn’t look like he was in any mood to talk about their conversation. I complained about my dad a lot, but Blister’s really took the trophy for worst father of the year. Class started with a pop quiz, which I was confident I would fail since I hadn’t kept up on any of the reading. And considering I spent the first five minutes of a fifteen minute quiz watching Dani unzip her backpack, dig for a pen, and settle in to writing her

answers, I knew failure was imminent. Blister’s pen rolled onto the floor, and he nearly tipped over his desk reaching for it. When the legs of the desk cracked against the tile floor, Ms. Miller’s head popped up from whatever she was working on. “Kevin, if you insist on disrupting this class, you can be excused.” Blister lifted his hands up. “I dropped my friggin’ pen. Geez. Should I write with my nose?” Some of the students giggled which caused Miller’s neck to turn red. She stood behind her desk and put her hands on her hips. “That’s enough. You may finish the quiz in the office.” Blister stood and kicked the small desk aside. “With pleasure. At least I won’t have to look at you any longer.” Dani peeked back at him over her shoulder, and our gazes caught for second before she returned to her quiz. “And I’ll be sending along a referral in just a moment,” Ms. Miller yelled as Blister’s hands smacked open the door. Once he was gone, she sat down and pulled out the principal’s referral pad she kept in a flower covered notebook. Her pen flew angrily across the paper. Of course she couldn’t know the type of weekend Blister had had, but when it came to him, she was over-the-top ridiculous. I raised my hand. “Yes, Jake,” her demeanor brightened instantly. “I was just wondering if that was a new rule, drop your pencil and get a referral?” Wide eyes all turned to me. Ms. Miller’s eyes were the widest of

all. “What are you talking about?” “All he did was drop a pencil, and you threw a fit. I was just wondering if the punishment fit the crime, so to speak.” Ms. Miller had never scowled at me like she’d done with everyone else, but now her glare could have cut glass. “Maybe you’d like to join Kevin in the office.” I stood and picked up my stuff. “Yeah, I think I would. Why don’t you break out your flowery little notebook and scribble out another referral.” Without another word, she pointed at the door, and I nodded farewell to her. “You too?” Mrs. Rickson, the school secretary asked as I walked in. She looked at my gauze-covered hand. “We just got the fax from the doctor about limited activity. Coach Higgins isn’t going to be happy.” “I’m not exactly happy about it myself. Besides my dad called him last night to let him know I’d only be off for two weeks.” I said. “And I’m so glad everyone is more concerned about the swim team than my hand.” Her lip twitched, and she turned back to her keyboard. Blister was sitting on the plastic chair in front of the school trophy case. His eyes opened wide when he saw me. “What are you doing?” he asked. “I didn’t want you to be lonely.” I sat on the plastic chair next to him, but Mrs. Rickson pointed a long pink fingernail at me. “Not there, Jake. You two aren’t here for chat time. Move to the other side of the office.”

A student from Ms. Miller’s class walked in with two referrals, and Mrs. Rickson rolled her eyes. “That woman and her referrals,” she said under her breath but loud enough for us to hear. She looked over the tall counter at us. “Principal Berg is in a meeting, so Mr. Dermott is handling discipline.” “Great. I don’t mind waiting for the principal to finish his meeting.” I would have much preferred to sit across from Berg than Dermott. “I don’t intend on babysitting you two all morning, Mr. West. In fact, you can go in first.” She picked up her phone and dialed Dermott’s extension. “I have two students in the office for discipline.” She nodded as if he could see through the phone. She handed me the referral. “Go right in, Jake.” Dermott was writing something at his desk, and his eyebrows jumped up when he saw me. I handed him the referral. “Ms. Miller again,” he sighed. He continued reading it, leaned back in his chair, and then looked up at me. “Rude and defiant?” I shrugged. “She was giving Blister a hard time. I couldn’t help it.” He sat forward abruptly. “Well, next time, use some self-control or I’ll suspend you.” He looked pointedly at my hand. “A suspension will take you off the team for good.” “Fine. Is that all?” I knew I was pissing the guy off more, but I couldn’t stop myself today. He stood. “No, actually, it’s not. Stay away from Dani Spencer. She has a good chance at a scholarship, and she doesn’t need you hanging around screwing up her opportunity.”

“What are you talking about? And how is it any of your business if we hang out together?” His nostrils flared in anger as he put his fists down on the desktop and leaned forward. “You’ve done enough damage to her family. You don’t need to mess with Dani’s head too.” “You sound just like the coach only he wasn’t quite so threatening. I know the coach is just worried about winning, but I don’t get your motive. How can I possibly stop her from getting a scholarship?” His jaw was clenched tight. “Because you’re a player, Jake. Everyone knows it.” Our conversation had taken such a bizarre turn, and I wished I’d left after he threatened suspension. I didn’t back down though. He had no right to tell me to stay away from her. I put my fists on the desk and leaned toward him. “I guess it takes one to know one. I’ll see whoever I like.” I turned and left. I got back to the office and Blister looked up. “So is he in a good mood or a bad mood?” I shook my head and replayed the weird conversation in my head. “I couldn’t tell you. It was almost like a body-snatcher broke into his office and stole the real Dermott.” Blister looked puzzled and definitely worried. “Never mind, I’ll tell you about it later. Just smile and apologize. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Blister picked up the referral and headed to Dermott’s office. I wondered if he’d tell Blister to stay away from Dani too. Why would he? I was the one who liked to mess with girls’ heads, after all. Man, some days were stranger than others. I’d had it with

school for the day, and my hand hurt like hell. “Mrs. Rickson, can I get a nurse pass? My hand is killing me, and I’m going home for the day. If Coach Higgins asks, I’ll be back to coach practice.” Mom gave permission for me to head home. It turned out Hannah had stayed home with a sore throat. An anime cartoon was playing on television. Hannah was flopped stomach-first on the couch dressed in sweatpants and her faded blue robe. Her arm hung down to the ground where the remote rested under her fingertips. She did not move when I walked in and seemed to be sleeping. I bent over and slid the remote out from under her fingers. “Touch it and die,” she mumbled into her pillow. “Thought you were sleeping.” “I am.” At least the big armchair was empty. Life was always better from the old relic of an armchair. I pushed a pillow beneath my hand and stared absently at the overly dramatic animation. The mouth movements were way off from the dialogue. Like a cadaver rising from the grave, Hannah slowly pushed herself up to a sitting position, picked up a wet cloth from the table, and laid it across her forehead. “Why are you home?” “Just wanted to spend quality time with my favorite sister.” I lifted my hand. “And my hand feels like it’s on fire.” That’s when I noticed the donut with chocolate sprinkles on a napkin near her feet. “Did mom buy donuts?” My whole world was feeling brighter. “Just one for me,” Hannah said. “She thought it might help me feel better.” “I’ve got to hand it to you; you know how to do the sick thing

really well. I’m lucky if I get some canned soup.” My eyes never left the donut. Mom rarely let us eat things like donuts, which, of course, made them that much more tempting. There was a banana next to it, most likely put there by Mom to counteract any ill effects of the donut. I drew my eyes away from the plump, round pastry and flashed my sister a pleading look. Hannah picked up the donut and hurled at my chest. It rolled down to my lap, and I picked it up. Only a few sprinkle casualties but otherwise it was in good shape. I held it up and looked at her. “Are you sure?” I asked as if I would actually hand it back to her. “Oh sure, I still want it. Especially after it’s rolled down your disgusting shirt.” She plopped back against the couch, and I ate the donut in three bites. “So, why are you really home?’ I asked. “I hate high school,” her voice cracked. “You’ll get used to it. It’s not all that bad.” “Simple advice coming from star of the swim team, most popular guy, most likely to succeed,” she tapped her finger on her chin “now what did I forget? Oh yes, and best hair.” I picked up a few loose sprinkles with my finger and pushed them into my mouth. “Well, I do have great hair. But I’m none of those things anymore, Widget. And to tell you the truth, I don’t miss it.” “Please, if I just mention to people that Jake West is my brother, they instantly want to be best friends. It doesn’t take them long to realize that I’m nothing like you.”

“Well, most kids at school don’t want to talk about things like the latest shuttle flight or the newest discovery in stem cell research. They want to talk about whether their nachos have enough processed cheese sauce and who has the best list of video game cheat codes. Someday you’ll meet people who can relate to you. I just don’t think it will be any of the goobers at Raynesville High.” She pulled at a strand of her wavy brown hair. “I don’t even have the great hair going for me. Not that I care. I don’t want to be popular. I just want to know that it’s not a waste of my time spending six hours a day there.” “Sorry, Hannah. For someone with your brains, it will be a waste of time. You’ve just got to squeeze what you can out of it and wait for college. Then you can show the world how awesome you are.” Mom poked her head around the corner. “How are you both feeling?” She glanced at us and then at the table. “You ate the donut?” She looked hopefully at Hannah. Hannah motioned her head toward me. “Pigface ate it.” “Jake, that donut was for your sister.” I burped. “If I concentrate, I think I can bring it back up.” “Jake!” they screeched simultaneously. Then mom rolled her eyes and left but popped her head right back in. “It’s cute seeing you two in here together. It reminds me of that time you both had the chicken pox.” She turned to my sister.“Hannah, if you’re feeling better, why don’t you get started on that research report.” She left. “I’m quitting school so I can live off of you and dad forever,” Hannah shouted back.

I laughed. “That would be cool, wouldn’t it? We could just sit around here in our robes all day, eating donuts and watching cartoons. No more stress or worries about saying the wrong crap to people and pissing them off, no more dealing with obnoxious people.” “It’s settled then,” Hannah said. “I am going to spend the rest of my days right here in my faded blue robe and my fuzzy slippers.” She plopped her pink slippers onto the coffee table and flipped through the channels. Little Mermaid was showing on cable. She stopped there. “I love this one. I know she got the nickname because of her swim talents, but Dani actually reminds me of Ariel a little.” I stared at the T.V. thinking about the fact that Dani and I had not spoken since the incident in the tunnel. At this point I had no idea if she’d ever talk to me again and that thought hurt more than the pain in my hand. Hannah stared at the screen with her arms crossed over her chest. “You’ve got it bad for her, don’t you?” I leaned my head back. “Who Ariel or Dani?” She giggled. “If you have a thing for an animated drawing then you should be worried. Although, when I was in fourth grade, I always tried to imagine what it would be like to kiss Bart Simpson.” I lifted my head. “And you think I’ve got worries.” I leaned back again and winced as I moved my hand higher on the pillow. “You’re dodging my question,” Hannah said. “You like Dani, don’t you?” I didn’t answer her at first, but I could sense her staring at the

side of my face. “Hell yeah I do.”

Chapter 30 Dani Blister and I sat picking over a plate of fries at the lunch table. He’d mentioned that Jake’s hand was bothering him so he’d gone home early. Silly as it seemed, I was both relieved and disappointed. Blister chewed his fry methodically like a cow chewing cud. I’d never seen him depressed, but his father had really done a number on him. “If it helps any, I never even knew my father,” I said. “Actually, I think not knowing him would have been better.” He swept up a glob of ketchup and shoved the fry in his mouth. “That makes sense. I guess I was lucky then.” I dropped my fry onto my napkin. “Could these be any greasier? It’s like they coated them in shortening before dropping them in the oil.” “The grease makes them slip down easier.” Blister slurped another one down. “So are you going to keep giving Jake the silent treatment? I’ve got to say, the guy is really hurting about it.” “I’m not great at holding a grudge,” I said. “So what happened in class today after I left? Ms. Miller must have been bummed out the rest of the morning after having her wonderful Jakey go rogue on her.” “He just called her on the stupid referral she gave you. I mean all you did was drop a pen. Her reaction was insane. And Jake basically let her know it. She was pretty upset after he left. She was

even meaner, if that’s possible. I don’t think anyone dared yawn or cough for the rest of the period.” “I wish I’d seen Jake tell her off.” The usual look of admiration crossed Blister’s face when he talked about his best friend. At first he seemed to resent that Jake and I had become friends too, but now he seemed to be fine with it. Alex sat down hard on the bench causing it to jump off two legs for a second. He plowed his hand into the fries and grabbed up a fistful. Blister shoved the paper plate toward him. “No really, don’t be shy. Just help yourself.” Ignoring the sarcasm, Alex pulled the plate closer and shoveled the remaining fries into his mouth. He hadn’t really finished chewing when he decided to speak. “So Chuck, or Cody, or whatever the hell his name is, is heading to California.” He licked some grease from his fingers. “It’s like watching Henry the Eighth eat. Dude, some freaking manners, there’s a girl at the table,” Blister said. “Well, I don’t see any napkins.” Alex looked around. “I don’t see any Jake either.” “His hand was bothering him,” I said. Alex picked up the paper plate to lick the salt and ketchup, but Blister snatched it from him. “Seriously?” He rolled the plate into a ball and threw it into the trash can. I stood to leave. Blister looked up at me. “I’m coming to watch swim practice today, so I guess I’ll see you there.” I stared down at him for a second then smiled. “Sure.” Of

course I’d spent most of the morning convincing myself I’d made the right decision to quit the team. However that debate was still happening in my head. After spending a good thirty minutes in the library pretending to do my homework and deflecting stares from other students who were obviously wondering why I wasn’t at the pool, I decided to go to practice. I was finally at a place where I could be on a team for the whole year. And I was fairly certain that Mom had not started any college fund for me, so a scholarship would definitely come in handy. I was late, but if I skipped warm up, I wouldn’t miss too much. It seemed like everyone in the pool area looked up as I walked in the doors. Jake was standing over the edge of the pool talking to some freshmen. His face lifted, and I saw a hint of smile. Then he returned his attention to the swimmers. Coach Higgins walked out of his office with his phone. “It’s about time, Dani, you’re late. Hurry and change.” By the time I’d returned from the locker room, Katrina and the other girls were ready for a practice race of a hundred meters breast stroke. Blister was in the stands and waved down to me. His face was still heavy with sadness. They’d left a block open for me. I hopped up on it. “You didn’t warm up.” Jake’s voice came from behind. I glanced over my shoulder and had to hold back a smile. He’d spoken to me. It was only in a coach’s capacity, but I was still absurdly glad. “I’ll be all right.” As I hit the water, my breath sucked in. It was

colder than I’d expected. I fell behind trying to get over the shock of it. By lap two, I was pouring it on. I’d pulled ahead in lap three, but after the turn, a horrible cramp seized my calf. I stopped and grabbed my leg. The pain was overwhelming, and I couldn’t stay above water. I felt myself sinking and sucking in water as I struggled. I sensed the reverberation of someone jumping in the water and two hands grabbed me and yanked me above the surface. The pain was so horrendous; I could hardly take a breath. I coughed and sputtered and clung to the neck of the person who’d jumped in. I reached the pool edge and the coach leaned down to lift me from the water. A fully clothed Jake pulled himself up behind me. Coach Higgins laid me on my back, and Jake lifted my seized leg in the air as the coach kneaded my calf muscle. It felt like an eternity before some of the pain subsided enough for me to take a regular breath. Through my haze I saw that Jake’s bandage was soaked. “Your hand,” I said weakly. “You need to dry it.” Jake smiled down at me. “It’ll be fine. I told you, you should have warmed up.” I felt the rest of my muscles begin to relax. “I guess that’s why you’re the coach.” Coach Higgin’s round face hovered over me next. “That was the worst cramped calf muscle I’ve felt in a long time. How does it feel now?” “Much better. I confess I’ve never had that bad of a cramp before. I guess I need to drink more fluids.” I looked at Jake. “And warm up.”

“I’ve got this, West. There’s some gauze and tape in the first aid kit in my office. Go rewrap your hand before you get into trouble with that cut.” Jake stood and walked to the office. I sat up. Everyone clapped and Blister whistled loudly. I waved at them and gave the coach my hand. He helped me up. “I’m going to walk around on it some. Jake will need help with his hand,” I said and limped toward the office. Jake had taken off his wet bandage just as I walked in. The stitches in his hand looked awful. He caught me staring at them. “Now I know how Frankenstein felt. How’s the leg?” “Better,” I walked over and picked up the package of sterile gauze from the first aid kit. I opened it and unfurled the soft cloth. “Thank you for jumping into the water. That’s twice.” A sliver of his heart stopping smile tipped up the side of his mouth. “I seem to remember hurting my hand the last time too.” “That’s right. Unfortunately that was my fault too.” He turned his hand palm up. “No bite marks.” Just thinking about that moment in the tunnel made my stomach twist in a knot. “Please, Jake, don’t remind me. I know you had nothing to do with it.” His dark blue gaze caught mine. “Why are you so sure?” “Because Amy loved you, and she was the smartest person I knew. She wouldn’t have been so crazy about you if you’d had even an ounce of evil in you. She was a great judge of character.” I took hold of his fingers. They were cold but heat seemed to radiate where our skin touched. Gently I wound the gauze around his hand. His breath warmed the side of my face as I held his hand. Warm

tension grew between us as we stood side by side watching the wrap go around his hand. Coach Higgins popped his head into the office breaking us from the heated silence that surrounded us. “Dani, why don’t you call it quits for the day and rest that leg. Drink more fluids tomorrow. And warm up next time.” “Thanks, Coach.” I finished taping up the bandage. “There, good as new. Hopefully the chlorine was a barrier to any bacteria.” “They gave me some antibiotics at the hospital.” “Good, then I feel better. Well, I guess I’ll go change.” I walked away and he grabbed my hand with his good one. I looked up at him. His lips moved as if he had something to say but then he stopped and released my hand. “I’m glad we’re still friends,” he said quietly as I reached the door. I glanced back at him over my shoulder. “Me too.” My calf was still sore, but it was nothing like the pain I’d felt in the pool. The emergency back door of the locker room shut just as I rolled off my suit. I grabbed up a towel. Footsteps echoed through the empty building. “Hey, who’s there?” I asked. No one answered. The footsteps stopped and the locker room fell silent. I quickly dried myself and pulled on my shorts. The clanging sound of someone’s foot hitting the metal legs of a dressing bench vibrated the air. “Katrina? Becky? Who’s there?” I slammed shut my locker. The emergency exit door opened and closed. My fingers shook some as I tied my shoes. My nerves were obviously still on edge from having Cody show up. Alex insisted that he’d been taken back to California, and I had no reason to doubt it. I hurried out of the

locker room. Jake was timing the younger swimmers, and the juniors and seniors were sitting in a line on the bleachers listening to one of the coach’s pep talks. Jake glanced over as he saw me walk out but then returned his attention to his stopwatch. I walked over to him. “Is your leg still hurting? You look sort of pale,” he said. “Did you see anyone go to the back of the locker room? Just now someone came in and out of the emergency door while I was dressing.” “Really? No one has left the deck that I know of.” “Whoever it was, they wouldn’t answer when I called out to them. It was creepy. I think I’m still just paranoid because of the Cody thing.” I was trying to convince myself more than him. “Maybe it was the custodian. He probably went in to dump the trash cans and didn’t think anyone one was in there yet.” “That makes perfect sense. I’ve got to shake off the icky feeling that Cody left me with, otherwise I’ll need to be committed soon.” Jake smiled. “I don’t think we’ll need to do anything that drastic.” “I’m just glad I borrowed the car today. I’d hate to hobble home tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said. His dark blue eyes rounded with concern. “Are you sure you’re okay?” “I’m fine, Jake. And stay out of the pool with that hand.” The custodian was a perfectly logical explanation for what had happened, but I still had the haunting feeling that someone was watching me.

Mom and her new friend, Frank, were sitting on the couch watching a rented movie when I walked in. She was wearing a short sleeved t-shirt, and he was holding her hand. Obviously he took the tattoos well. He stood politely when I walked into the room. Mom smiled brightly. “Dani, this is Frank. This is my daughter, Dani.” “Nice to meet you, Dani. I’m sorry I missed your swim meet. Everyone in town was talking about it last week.” Frank was tall but soft around the middle. His hair had receded back from his forehead leaving just a point in the middle. He had on a belt, and his shirt was actually tucked in. Mom was right. He was different from her usual guy. Just the fact that he looked bathed made him unique. Mom stood and took hold of his arm. “You’ll have to come to the next one if you can get away from the shop.” She smiled at me. “Frank needs a cashier in his store. I’m going to work there starting tomorrow.” I had to make a conscious effort to not drop open my mouth in shock. Through my whole life, I never knew my mom to hold down any job longer than a month. I forced a grin. “That’s terrific.” “I need to get back to the shop. It gets crowded in the evening,” Frank said. He kissed Mom on the forehead and nodded to me. Mom walked him to the door and returned with a dreamy grin on her face. “Well?” “I don’t know what to say. Are you sure he’s your type, Mom? He seems very nice. I think that the problem. He seems nice.” Mom’s face dropped. “Do you think I can only hang out with losers?”

“Face it, Mom, up until now . . .” She whipped around, walked to the kitchen, and grabbed a soda out of the fridge. “I’ve changed.” “I can see that. If you’re happy then I’m happy, Mom.” She reached in the freezer and pulled out a package. “I am happy. And I thought you’d be excited about my job.” She ripped open the cellophane on a small roast. “Shoot, I guess this had to defrost first.” She tapped her chin then looked at me. “Do you think I could speed it up with my hairdryer?” “Why don’t you put it in the fridge to thaw for tomorrow? We can eat a frozen dinner tonight. And I am excited about your job.” I looked pointedly at the frozen slab of meat. “It’s just a good thing Frank doesn’t own a restaurant.”

Chapter 31 Jake Dad was already at the table when I came to the dining room. His lips were pulled tight, which was always a signal that he’d had a crappy day at work and was in a bad mood. Hannah was still in her robe and her eyes sparkled as Mom carried in her favorite dish-mashed potatoes. Dad looked up at me, but I avoided making eye contact and stared down at my chicken instead. Hannah passed him the bowl of potatoes. He scooped some onto his plate and passed the bowl to me. I was either going to have to make eye contact with him or forgo mashed potatoes. I went for the potatoes. Dad struck up a conversation as soon as I took the bowl from him. “I understand you missed some school today because of your hand, yet it felt well enough that you jumped in the pool at practice. You know those stitches have to stay dry.” “They’re dry now.” “John,” Mom said, “he saved a swimmer with a leg cramp. I think it was very heroic.” “There was no one else standing around or in the pool who could have saved her?” Dad asked. “Everyone was there, but I was the first to realize what was happening when Dani sank underwater. So I jumped in after her.” Dad got quiet for a minute then looked up at me. “Your mother is right. It was heroic of you.”

I nearly sputtered out my mashed potatoes. It was the most complimentary thing he’d said to me in a year. We had not always had this much friction between us, but once Ilet my grades and my swimming slip, I’d set off a series of disappointments for my dad, and he didn’t know how to cope with it. Seconds after the moment of niceness, he returned to his usual tone. “I spoke to Chief Moore today. He told me that the boy with the knife has been sent back to California to do some jail time. Seems that woman has only been here a few weeks and she’s already brought a lot of trouble with her. It’s no wonder Mildred never invited her daughter here to stay.” “It seems to me that Officer Moore is the one who brought the trouble to town by hiring that construction crew to build his shed. He already knew the guy was trouble last year when he hauled him in for being drunk,” I said trying to control the anger in my voice. “I’ve had Dani’s mother, Tricia, over for coffee a few times. She’s actually very witty and nice,” Mom said. Dad didn’t respond but started on to the next topic of irritation. “Have you started filling out any college applications?” he asked. I salted my potatoes and stirred them around. “I’ve got time.” “I’ve been thinking, Dad,” Hannah piped up, and I was thankful to get out of his line of questioning for a minute. “I want to go to MIT.” “That’s terrific, kiddo,” Dad said quickly and returned his attention to me. “You’re going to have to work extra hard to bring up your GPA again, or you won’t even need to bother with applications.”

“Yep.” I decided to try and bore him with one word answers in an effort to divert his attention to someone else at the table. “Yep? Is that all you have to say?” I glanced up at him and finished chewing and swallowing my piece of meat. “Yep,Sir.” Hannah giggled. Dad actually cracked a smile. Something I hadn’t seen in a while. “Very funny, Jake.” Mom poured some water from a pitcher. “John, let Jake eat his dinner before it gets cold.” Dad nodded and returned his attention to his plate. I finished quickly to avoid anymore questioning and to be excused early. I’d intended on going over to Dani’s to see how she was feeling. Even though she’d insisted her leg was better, she didn’t look too great when she left practice. Plus she was still pretty freaked out about Cody showing up. And, mostly, I just liked seeing her. I took my dishes to the kitchen, grabbed my sweatshirt, and headed to the front door. “What about homework?” Dad called to me. “Later.” I was becoming highly skilled at the one word response. Dani’s mom answered the door. She was eating a drumstick ice cream cone and caught a piece of the chocolate shell on her palm as she welcomed me in with a smile. She lifted her hand to her mouth and pushed the chocolate piece in. “Hi, Sweetie. Dani is drying her hair. I’ll let her know you’re here.” She walked down the hall and yelled through the bathroom door. The buzz of the hair dryer switched off. “What?”

“I said Jake’s here.” Her mom returned and lifted her half-eaten ice cream. “Would you like a drumstick? It’s the good kind where they fill the tip of the cone with chocolate and you find yourself hurrying through the ice cream to get to it.” She was opening the freezer before I had a chance to answer. “Sure. Sounds good.” She handed it to me, and I realized I’d never really seen her up close. You could see where Dani got her unforgettable eyes and lips, but she looked like she’d been through some rough times. “Dani told me she cramped up in the pool and you jumped in to save her.” She glanced at my bandaged hand and her face paled. “I’m so sorry you had to meet Cody. He’s a really unstable kid. It’s not all his fault though; he’s had a pretty sketchy upbringing.” Looking at her and knowing a few of the things I’d heard, I wondered what she considered to be a sketchy upbringing. Still, she’d raised an incredible kid. Cody’s parents definitely could not say the same thing. I took a bite through the chocolate ice cream shell just as Dani walked into the room. She looked at me and then her mom with wide-eyes. “We have ice cream?” Her mom motioned to the freezer. She walked over and pulled one out. “How long have you been hiding these?” she asked. Her mom shoveled in the chocolate filled tip of the cone and smiled. “Hmm, the best part. I had to have something besides microwave popcorn to offer Frank when he came to visit.” “Great. So your own daughter doesn’t rate high enough for ice

cream, but Frank . . . .” “Oh, just shut up and eat your cone.” Her mom walked over and kissed her cheek then walked down the hallway. “I just stopped by to see if your leg was better. You looked pretty bad when you left today.” She picked off a piece of chocolate and pushed it between her lips. Then she took a long lick of the ice cream. “I’m better now that I have ice cream.” I dragged my gaze away and tried to hide a smile. “What are you smiling about?” she asked. I shook my head and laughed. “It’s nothing. I just realized after watching you eat that cone, I may never look at a drumstick the same way again.” “Would it be better if I just took a bite of it?” Her mouth opened wide and she took a big bite of ice cream then scrunched her face up. “Ow, ow, ow. Sorry I have to lick it.” I laughed. “Well, this conversation got even weirder if that was possible. Hopefully your mom isn’t within ear shot. I think I’ll change the subject. There’s a barn owl with two babies living in a tree at the bottom of the road. If we hurry, we can see them take off at dark. That is, if you’re up to a walk.” “An owl? I’ll grab my sweatshirt.” She ran back to her room and finished her cone just as she returned. “I decided to finish it quickly.” She winked at me. Pink, gray colors swirled in the sky, and a cool breezed rolled over the pastures. “Dusk is the best time of day here in Raynesville. Or I guess I should say night.” I pointed down the road. “It’s that

tall, narrow pine tree where the road curves. There’s a nest there from another owl. She moved in a few years ago and keeps returning to it.” “A nest stealer?” “What’s really strange about it is they usually nest in barns and abandoned sheds and this town is filled with both. Apparently she just wanted to be different.” Dani lifted the hood of her sweatshirt over her head. “A trendsetter, maybe? I hope they’re still there.” We picked up our pace, but I sensed that her leg still bothered her. “It still hurts, doesn’t it?” She looked at my hand. “It can’t be worse than that. I’m sure by tomorrow it’ll be completely gone. At the time it sure hurt. I think if the coach had pulled out a saw to amputate it, I wouldn’t have protested. I haven’t felt pain like that since . . .” Her long lashes fluttered down and she fell silent. “Since Cody’s dad hit you?” “Yeah, that was up there pretty high on the pain scale. But I was knocked out for part of it. I swear I really could see those stars around my head like in the cartoons.” “Maybe you were just looking at your wrist.” She lifted her slim hand and pulled the sleeve of her sweatshirt back. “Mom had so many tattoos done by this one Los Angeles artist, the lady put these on for free. I’m sure I was the only tenyear-old with tattoos.” “I like them.” I took hold of her wrist to slow her down. We stopped and I pointed up to the middle of the tree. “She’s right in

the center where the branches are thin. The babies are right next to her.” Dani squinted toward the tree and smiled when she spotted the family of owls. “They look like a painting. They’re eerie and amazing all at the same time.” she whispered. Just then the mother owl spread her wings and flew off. The babies followed. Dani covered her mouth for a second. “Did I scare them off?” “No, it’s just dark enough for them to hunt now.” We stood for awhile watching the birds get smaller. “Your mom is pretty cool. Does she like it here?” I asked. “It seems kind of slow-paced for her.” A small grin tilted the corner of her mouth causing her scar to tip up with it. “My mom has suddenly taken to this relaxed style of life. I’m finding it all rather bizarre, but I’m trying not to think about it too much. I don’t want to jinx it.” We started walking back up the road. I could see her beautiful profile under the hood of her sweatshirt. I had a terrible urge to grab her hand, but I stuck my own hands in my sweatshirt. “I hope you stay here. It’s dull, but it’s a nice place to call home, I guess.” My own words surprised me but deep down I knew they were true. And listening to Dani talk about her life, I realized just how easy mine had been. “All my life I wanted to live the perfect family life, but I’ve never gotten close to it.” She looked wistfully up at her house. “I was really practiced at putting on a good show for social workers though. Most of the time it worked.” She laughed once, but it was a sad laugh. “I remember rushing home from junior high one day

because I knew Mrs. Crawford, my social worker, was coming to make sure that Mom was acting like a mom and taking care of her daughter properly. It was right before Christmas, and our neighbor in the apartments had put a gigantic, blow-up snowman in front of her window.”She smiled. “I had to squeeze myself between the snowman and the railing to get to my door. I’d used my lunch money to buy gingerbread muffins and cloves at the store on my way home. I spent an hour cleaning then knocked on my mom’s bedroom door reminding her to get up and shower. Then I stuck the muffins in the oven to warm them and threw the cloves in some water and turned on the stove. The place smelled as heavenly as a bake shop. Everything was perfect, and I’d heard the shower turn on so I knew my mom was getting ready. I was sitting at the table doing my homework and nibbling warm muffins when Mrs. Crawford came to the door. Although she was a rather large woman so I’m not sure how she made it past the snowman. But we sat and had a nice chat over warm muffins while we waited for my mom to come out.” She stopped, tucked her hair behind her ears, and shook her head. Every one of her movements had me mesmerized. “The bedroom door opened and out walked the scummiest looking guy I’ve ever seen. He was stark naked with just a small towel wrapped around his waist. He lifted his nose in the air and said, something smells good. Can I have one?” We reached Dani’s house. “I ended up in a foster home for the rest of December.” “What about your grandma?” “My mom was always fighting with her. She actually preferred

me to go to the foster home because she was afraid Grammie would never send me back. She probably wouldn’t have.” “Wouldn’t you have rather gone to her though?” “Part of me would have preferred it, but my mom still needed me. I was the grown-up.” “That would be tough.” She shrugged. “Life is never dull with my mom. But lately I think she’s trying to grow up and I’m sad.” She laughed. “I don’t know if I’m ready for it.” We reached her door, and she gazed up at me. The porch light cast a soft glow on her face, and as usual, my heart shot ahead of its regular pace. “Thanks for showing me the owl and for jumping in after me . . . twice, three times if you count jumping in between Cody and me.” Her long fingers wrapped around the fingers of my hurt hand. I watched her bring my hand to her mouth and kiss my exposed knuckles. I held my breath as her lips touched my skin. My good hand closed into a fist as I resisted the urge I had to grab her and kiss her. She looked up at me with those eyes that always left me stunned. “Thanks for protecting Amy’s paintings.” She turned and walked inside. I stood on the porch until the door shut behind her then willed my feet away.

Chapter 32 Dani Yesterday I was nervous about facing Jake because I’d hurt his feelings, and he’d returned the favor with some stinging words of his own. Today I was nervous about facing him because for some unexplained reason I decided to pick up his hand and kiss it last night. Actually it wasn’t completely unexplained. He looked so beautiful standing there in the warm light of the porch, and the thought of him taking the time to protect Amy’s paintings and then the lasting image of his face when I’d glanced at his hand in the tunnel, all of it overwhelmed me suddenly and I realized how much I wanted him to kiss me. I realized how badly I wanted to kiss him. In first period we’d exchanged shy smiles, but we didn’t talk. The whole time I wondered what he’d thought about my gesture. Like always, I could feel the heat of his gaze on the side of my face while Ms. Miller lectured. Like always, I pretended not to notice. As lunch period started, I walked to Mr. Dermott’s office. He’d asked me to stop by and pick up some scholarship applications. There was a sticky note on his door that said he’d be back in ten minutes. I headed out to the quad. Hannah was sitting at a table playing chess with another girl so I sat down to watch. A wide grin spread across her face. “Hi, Dani.” “You don’t mind if I watch, do you?” I asked. “Not at all.” She picked up her queen and kicked the other girl’s knight off the board. “You keep forgetting the mighty queen, Viv.”

That’s when I noticed she had nearly cleared her opponent’s pieces from the board. Three more girls sat down to watch, and Hannah rolled her eyes. She leaned her head toward me. “They’re only here because you sat down.” Viv moved a pawn and Hannah sighed. “Well, that was a complete waste of time. You accomplished nothing.” Hannah reached into the center of the board and slid her bishop diagonally to the girl’s rook. “And you left your rook wide open. Think defense, Viv.” From what I’d seen and heard, Hannah was exceptionally smart. It had to be hard for her to find anyone to relate to in the ninth grade or in the entire school for that matter. A tall shadow loomed over the table. The girls sitting across the way were gawking at someone behind me. I looked up into Jake’s smiling face. “Hey, Hannah, do you have two dollars I can borrow? I left my wallet at home.” “I guess,” Hannah said with some annoyance. She fished in the front of her backpack and handed him some money. “Thanks,” he said. He walked away, and all the heads turned to watch him, including mine. Viv’s mouth hung open for a minute then she turned to Hannah. “OMG, he is so gorgeous,” she gushed. Hannah looked at me. “Do you see what I have to put up with?” I laughed and patted her shoulder. “I’ll see you later, Hannah. I’ve got to go to the counselor’s office.” I reached over and moved Viv’s queen out of the way of Hannah’s knight. Vivian smiled at me, and I winked at her. “Thank you,” Hannah called to me, “this was getting painful.”

I laughed and headed to Dermott’s office. I knocked on the half open door. He looked up from his desk and stood. “Come in, Dani.” He walked over and closed the door behind me. “Have a seat.” “I just came by because you mentioned you had the scholarship applications.” He sat down and placed his palm on some papers. “Yes, they’re right here. I just thought we could talk a minute. The last time we met you were upset about your cousin. Are things better now?” “Better?” “I mean with your feelings about the suicide.”He shot me this rather prepared look of concern that I found completely insincere. “I don’t think I’ll ever come to grips with it if that’s what you mean. Amy never had depression, and she was definitely not the suicidal type, but I suppose I have to accept it.” I decided I liked the man better as a teacher than a counselor. He was never condescending in the classroom, and this topic was starting to irritate me. I glanced pointedly at the papers on his desk. “I’ll take those home and start filling them out. I really appreciate your help with this.” “No problem,” he said. “So how do you like it here in Raynesville? Are you making a lot of friends?” “I guess you could say that. Being on the swim team certainly helps.” He nodded and stared at me across the desk. “Dani, I think you may have heard that Jake West was somewhat of a catalyst for your cousin’s traumatic change of character. It might be wise for--”

“You’re wrong about that. Jake had nothing to do with her dieting.” His eyes widened, and he looked as if I’d reached across and slapped him. “Dani, you weren’t around. You couldn’t possibly know that.” “But I do.” This had gone completely awry. I’d just dropped in for some applications. Now I was upset. “Amy left me her diary. She was afraid to die young like her mother. She was afraid to die. She talks about it in her diary. That’s why I know she didn’t commit suicide.” My voice wavered now. He shot me a look of sympathy as if I had no idea what I was talking about, and it angered me enough to jump up from the chair. “Jake doesn’t deserve any of the grief he’s been given about Amy’s death. She adored him, yes. And he said something stupid that I’ll never forgive him for . . . I doubt he’ll ever forgive himself, but he had never intended to hurt her. That I know for a fact. And my cousin was too damn smart to go dramatic and suicidal about a guy, any guy, even Jake West.” Mr. Dermott stood. “I’m sorry that I’ve upset you, Dani. Why don’t you sit for a minute and calm down before you leave.” Now I was really mad. “I’ll be much calmer once I leave here.” I walked to the door. “Wait, Dani.” I swung back around and accidentally knocked the applications from his hand. We both bent down to pick up the papers. He handed me the last one, and that’s when I noticed a small white, crescent shaped scar on the palm of his hand. My heart raced and my fingers felt tingly. I could feel the heat leaving my face.

Mr. Dermott looked at me. “Are you feeling all right?” “Yes,” the word cracked out of my suddenly dry throat. I clutched the papers in my hand and left the office. The hallway was crowded as people rushed to their next class. I leaned against a wall for a minute to get my bearings. My head felt light so I closed my eyes. Large fingers went around my arm and I startled. “Dani, what’s the matter?” Jake asked. I couldn’t talk and dizziness had overtaken me. I collapsed against his chest and his arms went around me. People were muttering our names, and I knew they were watching us, but I didn’t care. At that moment, Jake’s arms were the only thing keeping me from sinking to the floor. I pressed my face into his shirt. He didn’t say a word or ask a question as he held me, and I could have stayed there in his embrace for hours. The hallway quieted and the tardy bell rang. I lifted my face to his. He gazed down at me through long dark lashes. “Anything you want to talk about?” he asked. I shook my head and pressed my face against him once more searching for the comfort of his nearness. My fingers still clutched his shirt. I had been so distraught, I was sure I would pass out in the hallway or break down in tears, but as soon as I saw Jake standing in front of me, I could think of no better place to be but his arms. “I’m sorry for making you late,” I said, my throat still dry. I glanced in the direction of Dermott’s office. I was thankful he hadn’t followed me out. At this point, I had to sort everything out. The tiny mark on his palm could have been from anything. Surely I was

overreacting. There was no way I could mention this to anyone. Not even Jake. People would think I was crazy. It was, no doubt, just a really horrid coincidence. A door swung open and Dermott’s voice echoed in the now empty hallway. “You two are late.” My fingers tightened on Jake’s shirt. Discretely Jake glanced down at my hands then he looked over his shoulder at Mr. Dermott. “Sorry, we’re heading to class right now. Dani wasn’t feeling good.” Mr. Dermott moved to the side and looked past Jake to me. He stared at me for a minute with an expression that was more confusion than concern. “Is she all right now?” he asked Jake as if I wasn’t standing there capable of answering for myself. Jake looked down at me. I nodded and released my hold on his shirt. “Come to my office. I’ll write you notes to excuse you from being tardy,” he said and went back inside. It seemed Jake sensed my apprehension about returning to Dermott’s office. “I’ll go get the notes.” Dermott obviously grilled Jake about the incident because it took him a few minutes to return. Standing in the empty hallway, I tried to convince myself that I’d overreacted completely. Everyone had scars, even me. It was utterly absurd to think that Amy’s picture and the scar on Mr. Dermott’s hand were related. I really had gone over the top with my obsession over Amy’s death. Now my problem was how could I, as Blister so eloquently put it, get it unstuck from my head. Jake shook his head as he walked out of the office. He handed

me a note, and we walked down the hallway. “Did he say something to you?” I asked. “You looked kind of annoyed coming out of the office.” I glanced at his injured hand. “I seem to manage to get you into all kinds of trouble.” He smiled. “That’s funny, Dermott keeps warning me to stay away from you so I don’t get you into trouble.” “You’re kidding?” He shook his head. “I wish I were. He even mentioned it just now. He thinks I’m going to stop you from getting a scholarship.” “Now, you have to be kidding.” Jake took hold of my arm and led me around the corner where the custodial closets were. The hallway was empty. He looked down at me. “Dani, what happened earlier? I noticed you got really tense when Dermott came out of his office.” I looked down for a minute contemplating whether I should tell him about the tiny scar on Mr. Dermott’s palm, but I didn’t want to him to know that I was still thinking about it. Besides, the mark had been so faint, I was not entirely certain I’d seen a scar at all. I looked up at Jake. The look of worry in his face made me want to hop up to my toes and kiss him. “I’d gone by his office to pick up applications, and he brought up Amy. I was upset about it, that’s all. I’m just glad you came by when you did. I thought I was going to fall on my face in the hallway.” I thought back about standing in his arms and how right it had felt. I’d fallen hard for Amy’s hero. “You know, I’d come to town with every intention of hating you, Jake West . . . .” The palm of his unwrapped hand pressed against my cheek. The

warmth of it felt soothing, and I closed my eyes. My lips parted as his mouth covered mine with a soft deep kiss. It had been an emotional few days, and the feel of his lips on mine brought tears to my eyes.He gazed down at me with worry in his dark blues eyes. “Dani, I’m sorry--” I took his hand from my cheek and kissed his palm. “Don’t be. I needed that kiss.” I reached up and pushed his long hair behind his ear. Amy knew extraordinary when she saw it. “Let’s go to class.”

Chapter 33 Jake My last classes were a total blur. When Dani collapsed against me in the hallway, all I could think was that I never wanted to let her go. When we were standing alone in the hallway and I looked down at that unbelievable face of hers, I could no longer stop myself from kissing her. I’d actually convinced myself that if I’d allowed myself the one kiss, it would lessen my need for it and I could stop thinking about it. But that theory was blown to hell. Now that I’d had a taste of her lips, I wanted it even more. Blister caught up to me in the hallway. “So rumors are flying around this place.” “Yeah? About what?” “Are you friggin’ kidding me? Don’t act like you don’t know.” He shook his head and threw his backpack over his shoulder. “Okay,” I said with annoyance, “I won’t act like it, but I still have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.” He stopped and looked around apparently checking to see who was within earshot. “You’re really something, you know that? You and Dani make out in the hallway in front of the whole damn student body and you pretend it didn’t happen.” “What? This town and its dumbass rumors….” I pushed through the hallway. A lot of stares and whispers were being thrown my way. Blister ran to keep up with me. “So, you’re saying it didn’t

happen?” I stopped. “Of course it did. I mean that’s what you’re waiting to hear, isn’t it? We couldn’t stop ourselves, so we just ripped off each other’s clothes right during the passing period. Then we went at it like animals.” “Well, something must have happened. I mean rumors like that don’t just start out of midair.” “Uh, yes they do. Especially here in Raynesville. Dani was upset about something and she felt dizzy. I just happened to come by. We hugged, that’s all.” I had no reason to tell Blister about the kiss. No one had seen it. “Damn, why can’t I happen by when a hot chick feels dizzy? You get all the luck, like some friggin’ prince charming. It’s annoying.” “You complain about the stupidest shit.” I continued to the exit and he followed. “Are you heading to practice?” “Yeah, but I’ve got to take my jeep keys to the auto shop. Alex has to rotate tires for some assignment, and my jeep is his guinea pig. I just hope my tires don’t fly off while I’m driving.” Blister laughed. “You’re damn trusting. I don’t think I’d let Alex change a light bulb in my house, let alone my tires.” We walked outside and Blister turned to hold open the door for the next person. It was Dani. My heartbeat went into overdrive instantly. “Mermaid, are you heading to the pool?” Blister asked. She smiled at him. “Yes, that seems like the logical place for a mermaid to go.” She smiled up at me, and our gazes stuck for a

second. “Why are you guys headed in the opposite direction?” “I’ve got to go over to the auto shop and give Alex my keys.” I said. “Why don’t you walk with us?” “Sure. Besides, I’ve never been over to that side of the campus.” Blister held out his arm for her to take. “Well, my lady, we shall give you the grand tour.” She laughed. I was glad to see her mood had brightened since this afternoon. Her long fingers wrapped around Blister’s arm, and we walked to the automotive building. Alex was leaning deep into the engine of an old truck when we walked into the shop. “Here’s my keys, Alex. Don’t lose them, and don’t drive the jeep up any poles.” Alex straightened and turned around. There was grease all over his shirt. A two inch streak of black ran from his forehead across the bridge of his nose to his jaw. Blister laughed. “I think my mom has an apron that’ll fit you. Maybe you want to borrow it sometime.” Alex pointed to his face. “Never mind my shirt; do I have something on my face?” All of us laughed at once. Dani pointed to her nose. “You’ve got a little something right there on your nose.” Alex lifted his hand and rubbed his nose. Now his entire nose was black. “Man, now I’m really covered.” He held out his hands, palms up. His fingers were coated with grease. Blister smiled at Dani. “At least there aren’t any bite marks.” I could see Dani’s expression drop instantly, and I wished Blister

hadn’t brought it up. He obviously saw it too and looked in full regret mode. “What do you mean bite marks?” Alex said slamming the hood on the truck. “Who do you think I am, Chuck or Cody, or whoever? I mean if you were going to come up with a fake name would you pick Chuck? I’d go with something cool like Edge or Jagger. Chuck, what an asshat.” All of our heads popped up. “What do bite marks have to do with Cody?” I asked. Alex picked up a towel that had more grease on it than his hands and attempted to clean his fingers. “Last year, Chuck had a gnarly looking bite mark on his hand.” Suddenly, Dani’s fingers wrapped around mine. I glanced down at her and some of the color had left her face. “Did he say where he got it?” she asked quietly. As usual Alex was oblivious to the fact that Dani was upset. “He said he was at some bar and some chick bit him because he grabbed her--” Alex looked at Dani. “—well, you know.” Blister looked at me and then Dani. He noticed that she’d taken hold of my hand. “Geez, Dani, you were right. It was Chuck all along. He did something to Amy that night.” Dani’s fingers tightened around mine. Alex tossed the filthy rag aside. “What do you mean?” “It’s nothing,” I said. “Let’s just say Raynesville would have been a lot better off if that guy had never come to town.” Alex had the usual look of confusion on his face. “Except for that great weed.”

“See, even you’d be better off,” Blister snapped. “You’d have more brain cells.” I tossed Alex the keys. “Remember to tighten the bolts.” We walked out. Dani still held my hand as I glanced down at her. “You okay?” She nodded but then shook her head. “Poor Amy. If it hadn’t been for me, she never would have had any contact with that creep.” “But Alex’s dad said he had nothing to do with her death,” I said not really knowing what else to say. She looked almost sick with the thought of it all. “But what if she was so upset by what he’d done, she decided to kill herself?” she said. “Dani, you can’t beat yourself up about it,” Blister said. “We don’t know what happened out there. Besides, it sounds like your cousin got her revenge on the guy. She might have stopped him from attacking her with that bite. Maybe nothing happened at all because she stopped him.” There were times when my friend acted like a knucklehead, but this was definitely not one of those times. Blister’s words seemed to comfort Dani. We walked in silence for a minute then Dani let go of my hand. Total disappointment shot through me. “Poor Mr. Dermott,” Dani said unexpectedly. We both looked at her. “This afternoon I saw a tiny white scar on his palm.” She smiled up at me looking a bit ashamed. “That’s why I freaked out so badly after I’d been in his office. I’d convinced myself that he’d been bit on the hand.”

“I wish you’d told me,” I said. “Back when the guy used to ride motocross, he broke his hand and had to have bars put in place until the bones healed. He told me about it back when we were still friends.” “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to think I was nuts. It seemed pretty far stretched even at the time, but it was such a bizarre coincidence.” She tucked her hair behind her ears, and I could see her cheeks turn pink. “Or maybe I’m just obsessing about things too much and that’s making me imagine all kinds of things.” “We both saw the picture, Dani,” I said. “You weren’t imagining anything. And obviously Amy painted it because it really happened. And it sounds like she gave it to Chuck good.” “Yeah, it does,” she said. “I hope it hurt like hell.” Practice felt like it dragged on for centuries. It seemed no one was in the mood to be in the pool, and I wasn’t in much of a mood to stand on the sidelines coaxing everyone to work. Blister waited out the entire practice so he could get a ride home. Dani’s mom had used the car for some job at the hardware store, so Dani needed a ride as well. She walked out of the locker room. Her wet hair was swept up in a pony tail, and she had a weary expression on her face. Her times were definitely off today, and I could swear Coach Higgins was shooting me the occasional accusatory glare. But I was definitely done with staff members at this school warning me to stay away from Dani. There was no way that was going to happen. We got to the jeep and Blister walked around to each tire to

make sure the bolts were screwed on. After he’d made certain the car was safe enough to drive, we hopped inside. “Do you think he even rotated them?” Blister asked. “He’s the type of guy who would just run the tools really loud and pretend like he was actually doing something.” I shrugged. “It was free, so I guess I can’t complain.” Dani sat up front next to me. She stared wistfully out the window as if she was absorbed in the scenery, but I knew it wasn’t the trees and pastures that occupied her mind. It wasn’t the lousy swim practice either. “The guy is all the way in California sitting in some jail cell now, Dani. You don’t have to worry about him anymore,” I said. “I’m not worried about him coming after me. I’m just so pissed that he came here and went after Amy.” She pulled her gaze from the window and stared down at her hands in her lap. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.” Her sadness was palpable, and I didn’t know what to say to make her feel better. Blister seemed to be out of comforting words too. It seemed like it would have been easier if she’d never known what had happened to Amy that night. Knowing only seemed to make things that much worse. I pulled up to Blister’s house. He leaned forward and placed his hand on her shoulder. She reached back and covered his hand with hers for a moment then he hopped out. It was the first time Dani and I had been alone since we’d kissed. The entire day had been strange, and now I questioned my timing. I’d wanted to kiss her so badly, and she seemed so

distraught this afternoon, I couldn’t stop myself. Dani finally broke the silence. “I swam like my legs were made of cement today.” There was a tiny smile at the corner of her mouth. “It wasn’t just you, Dani. I was beginning to wonder if the pool had been filled with caramel. Everyone was just sort of coasting down the lanes today like it was play day in the pool or something. It was just one of those days, I guess.” She glanced over at my hand. “Is your hand feeling better today?” “It’s definitely on the mend. I’m hoping for a sick looking scar when it’s healed. It’ll make me look cool, don’t you think?” She laughed softly. “Why are scars cool on guys and ugly on girls? I’m stuck with these deformities on my face forever.” I thought about how much those tiny scars had captured my attention the first day I saw her, but ugly was the last thing from my mind. If anything they made her sexier. I pulled up in front of her house. The yellow Mustang was out front, and a figure walked past the front window. “I wonder how her day at work went,” Dani said. Her slim shoulders relaxed with a sigh. “What a day. I can’t wait to fall into bed.” She smiled at me. “Thanks for the ride.” She turned to leave but I reached forward and took hold of her chin to turn her face back to me. My gaze drifted down to the scars on her lips and chin. “About those ugly scars . . .” I leaned forward and kissed the scar on her chin and then my mouth moved up to the scar on her lips. I could feel the tiny ridge of her scar on my mouth as I kissed it. I dragged

my mouth from hers. Her long lashes lifted, and she looked up at me with those incredible brown eyes of hers. My heart flipped upside down in my chest. I released her chin, and she got out of the car. I watched her walk up the porch and turn the doorknob before throwing my jeep into gear. Mom was laughing in the kitchen. Hannah must have been amusing her with one of her usual stories. Mom was carrying two cups of coffee to the table when she glanced up and smiled at me. “We’ve got company, Jake.” Dani’s mom was sitting at the table with a plate of cookies in front of her. My pulse raced ahead of my mind, then I flashed back to a few minutes earlier when I’d dropped off Dani. We had definitely seen someone in the house. I raced to the back door, threw it open, and jumped off the steps. “Jake!” Mom called after me. I looked back over my shoulder as my feet flew across the yard. “Call the police. I think Cody is back.” I heard Dani’s mom cry out as my feet hit the driveway. The house looked still, and I couldn’t see anything unusual. “Dani!” I yelled halfway to her house. “Dani!” her mom’s yell followed mine as her footsteps sounded behind me. A hundred yards before I reached the porch, Dani stepped outside with a banana. Her eyes opened wide as she saw me race toward her like my ass was on fire. I stopped so suddenly, I nearly fell on my face. Dani stared at me. “What’s wrong?” Then her gaze shifted to her mom as she’d caught up to me. The color drained from Dani’s face

as she dropped her banana and flew off the porch. Her head twisted back to the house then flipped back to her mom. “Mom, if you’re out here, who’s in your room?” Dani’s mom looked as if she might fall over. My mom tried to catch her breath as she caught up to us. She was holding her phone. “I’ll go inside and check,” I said, but Dani grabbed my arm. “No you won’t. What if he’s armed?” My mom stepped forward. “Chief Moore is on his way, Jake. There’s no way I’m letting you go inside that house.” Dani’s mom took hold of Dani’s free hand. “And the only valuable thing is outside now. Whoever it is, they can steal whatever they want.” We moved back to the road, a safer distance from the house. There was no sound or movement inside. “I wonder if they’ve gone out the back window.” Mom said. “I definitely heard someone in the bedroom.” Dani held tightly to her Mom’s arm. “I thought you were in there rummaging through your closet. At least that’s what it sounded like.” A tiny shiver shot through her. “I was just standing in the kitchen, completely oblivious, and peeling my banana. I even called to you, asking about your new job.” She smiled weakly. “I guess that’s why you didn’t answer.” Chief Moore’s squad car raced up Crockett Road and skidded to a stop in front of Dani’s house. He and his partner hopped out with hands hovering over their guns. Mom ran to meet them. He spoke to her and she ran back to where we stood. “Chief Moore wants us all to go back to our house and lock the doors.” Mom glanced toward home, and her hand flew to her

mouth. “Hannah’s alone.” We ran toward our house and went inside. As Dani pulled back a corner of the drapes to watch, a second squad car arrived exhausting the resources of the Raynesville Police Force. My mom gasped as the guns were drawn. I wondered how often they’d had to pull their guns in this town. Still they moved stealthily around the house like true professionals. Alex’s dad looked menacing with his pointed pistol. Dani’s mom grabbed me and hugged me. “That was quick thinking, Jake. You are truly a prince. When I think Dani could still be inside--” her voice cracked, and Dani walked over to put a comforting arm around her shoulder. Then Dani smiled softly at me. “I guess they’re not only in books, after all.” “All I did was run down the driveway and yell. But if that earns me romantic hero status, I can live with that.” After fifteen minutes of waiting, a knock at the door startled us. I looked through the peephole. It was Chief Moore. “The house is clear, but the window in the back bedroom was open and the screen was kicked out.” He looked at Dani’s mom. “You’ll need to see if anything is missing.” Dani’s mom looked completely shaken. “Could it be Cody?” “No, Cody is in the county jail in Los Angeles. I’m certain of it.” Chief Moore looked around at all of us. “It’s been a while since we’ve had any robberies, but it looks like we’ve got a thief in town.” He looked at Dani’s mom again. “Was there anything of particular value in the house?” He hesitated before speaking again.“Or anything that a thief might want like weapons or drugs?” Dani’s mom looked completely shocked and slightly

embarrassed by the question. Dani spoke for her. “We came to town with very few possessions. Most of the things inside belonged to my grandmother. There was nothing of value . . . at least not anything that would be valuable to a thief. Even the television is a decade old.” “Well, if you don’t mind, I’d like you to look around and see if there’s anything missing. It’s hard to understand another motive for the break in.” Chief Moore turned to the door but then stopped and looked back at Dani’s mom. “Is there anyone else from your past besides Cody who might be capable of breaking into your house?” “None that I know of,” she said seeming slightly flustered by the question. “Cody does have a father who is even crazier than the son, but Cody told Dani he was doing time.” Chief Moore wrote something down on his notepad. “I’ll check into it just to be sure.”

Chapter 34 Dani We walked back home to inspect the house. My skin crawled with the thought of someone prowling around our things. And knowing I’d been inside with the intruder was enough to make we want to sleep with the lights on like I had when I was ten and the man next door to us had been killed. It had taken me over a year to decide I could turn off the light in my bedroom. And even though Mom shared the same room with me, she hadn’t complained. She let me sleep with the light on. The thief seemed to have touched very little in the house. Nothing had been disturbed in the front room, and besides a broken ceramic cat and ripped window screen there hadn’t been any damage. Mom and I sifted through the few pitiful belongings we owned and laughed thinking how disappointing our house must have been to a burglar. We gave a rather short report, but Chief Moore left with a look of concern. It was hard to know if he was just upset by the possibility that his quiet town suddenly had an unsavory element or if he was worried that the person might return. Of course, it was entirely possible he was just lamenting the fact that Mom and I had moved to town. After all, without even trying, we’d managed to bring a trail of trouble with us. Chief Moore instructed us to lock everything securely. Mom thanked him politely, and I marveled at how well she handled being a respectable citizen who the police had come to help rather than

one the police might be looking for. Mom looked in the closet and came out grinning. “Janis Joplin and Humble Pie are just where I left them. And the record player is here too.” She looked inside again and peered around the door at me. “You’ll be happy to know my school papers are intact as well.” “Good to know. Now if I have to write a report on whales, I’ll have a source to go to.” She went to shut the door and gasped. “Oh my God.” My heart jumped. “What is it, Mom?” She reached in and pulled out a black leather jacket. She lifted it up and spun it around to the show me the back. It had a giant Grateful Dead logo on it. “That woman,” she laughed, “I knew she was hiding a wild side beneath that blue-haired, tight-lipped exterior.” She pulled the jacket on, but the sleeves hung past her hands. Her eyes widened as she looked up at me. “Do you think Grammie was dating some guy with long hair and a Harley?” “That’s probably a stretch, Mom. Didn’t you say Amy’s dad had a thing for old rock bands? That’s probably who it belonged to.” Mom wrapped the giant coat tightly around her. “You’re probably right. It’s cool though.” She walked to the kitchen. “How about a pizza? I’ve got a frozen one in the freezer. Let’s stay out here tonight. We could have a slumber party.” Her face smoothed to a serious expression. “I don’t really want to stay in that room tonight,” she said quietly. We’d joked about tonight and our lack of valuables, but truthfully, we were both shaken by it all. “A slumber party sounds good to me.” My phone vibrated on

the counter, and I picked it up. It was Jake. “How’s it going?” he asked. It was just three simple, non-committal, non-romantic words, yet the sound of his deep voice made my knees weak. “Everything is fine.” I actually had to keep the tremble out of my voice. I’d never had this reaction to any guy, but after he’d kissed me in the hallway and again in the jeep when his lips drifted over the scars on my face, I realized I’d lost my heart to the guy. “Nothing missing that we can see,” I continued. “We’re going to have a slumber party in the living room tonight though.” “Sounds fun,” he said. “I’m glad you’re safe.” “Jake, thanks. Someday I promise to come to your rescue too.” He laughed. “Hey, if you need a ride tomorrow, I’ve got to leave early if that’s all right. The coach is going to be late tomorrow, and he wanted me to write up the practice schedule in the morning.” “Actually, early would be great. I need to go to the library and use the computer before school starts,” I said. “Great.” He paused for a minute. “Well, good night.” “Good night.” I was about to end the call when I heard his voice again. “Dani, if you need anything, I’m just a driveway and several hundred yards away. And as I discovered today, I can make it to your house in less than a minute.” “That makes me feel better. I’ll see you in the morning, Jake.” I hung up and noticed Mom was standing in the oversized jacket watching me. “Holy cow, you’ve fallen for the guy, haven’t you?” I glanced away because Mom was an expert at knowing when I was lying. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She answered with a laugh. I walked to the bedroom and she called after me. “Dani’s in love,” the teasing sound in her voice reminded me of little girls playing a jump rope game on the playground. My room was dark, so I reached in and searched for the light switch before stepping inside. I had a sneaking suspicion both Mom and I would be turning on lights a lot for the next few months. I grabbed my giant sleeping t-shirt and pulled my pillow and quilt from the bed. As I turned to leave, the emptiness of my nightstand struck me as strange. Amy’s diary was not where I’d left it. At least it wasn’t where I thought I’d left it. I rummaged through my bed covers and the pillows on the window seat. I kneeled down and looked under the bed. It was nowhere. I carried my bedding out to the living room. “Mom, did you take Amy’s diary?” Mom finished pouring us sodas. “Of course not, Dani. I would never touch it.” I dropped my blanket and pillows on the floor in front of the television. “This is going to sound weird, but I think the thief took Amy’s diary.”

Chapter 35 Jake Dani walked out of the house wearing a green mini skirt and short black boots. I held my breath as she pulled her long legs into the front of the jeep. She pulled at the hem of the skirt trying to cover some of the smooth skin on her thighs. “I’m already regretting this short skirt,” she said. “I assure you, the regret is only on your side.” I smiled and pulled out onto the road. “So did you and your mom sleep okay last night?” “We stayed up pretty late watching old movies. I’m feeling fine now, but I imagine it will hit me sometime during Mrs. Scott’s physics lecture.” “I don’t even have to be sleepy to doze off in that class.” I watched the stars on her tiny wrist as she reached forward and turned up the music. Then she picked up her backpack and rummaged through it for a minute but came up empty handed. “Did you lose something?” I asked. “No, well, yeah, I guess I did. I thought maybe I’d accidentally put Amy’s diary inside my backpack. I can’t find it.” She zipped up her backpack and dropped it between her feet. “I know this sounds silly, but it’s almost as if the person who broke in last night took it. I mean it’s ridiculous because as valuable as it is to me, it has no monetary value.” “Maybe you just placed it in some weird place. I once put my

jeep keys in the pantry.” “Yeah, maybe, but I don’t remember ever taking it out of my room. And I searched every corner of it.” “I’m sure it will show up.” She flopped back against the seat. “I hope so. That diary means so much to me, I would be sick if I’d lost it.” “So what did the intruder take?” I asked. “Nothing. They didn’t take anything.” “Wow, that’s strange,” I said, but then dropped it when I saw that Dani looked upset again. A lot of stressful stuff had happened these last few days, and it was beginning to show on her face. She looked weary, sad, and a little confused. It made we want to pull her into my arms and hold her. I drove into the school parking lot. It was so early, the lot was still empty. We jumped out and Dani squirmed to pull down her skirt. “Oh my gosh, I hate this skirt.” I watched her wriggle in frustration in an attempt to cover a few more inches of her long legs and could not suppress a smile. “And yet, as your hate for it grows, my love for it increases.” She blushed. “You sound like Alex.” “I’ll shut up then. I definitely don’t want to sound like him.” She walked up to me and brushed my hair back with her fingertips. Every inch of me reacted to her touch. “Actually, I like that you like my skirt.” She hopped up and kissed me on the nose. “I’ll see you later.” Her mouth turned up at the corners as she turned to leave, but I grabbed her arm and pulled her to me. My mouth slammed over hers and I kissed her. She moaned

softly against my mouth and my arm tightened around her waist. We kissed until we were both nearly breathless. I gazed down at her.“God, Dani, sometimes I can’t even believe you’re real.” She pressed against me for a long, incredible moment then gazed up me and winked. “It’s the skirt. It has you mesmerized.” “So you’re saying your magical skirt has cast a spell on me?” “Yep. And I’d say it worked.” “Yeah, it worked.” She rubbed her nose against my chin. “I’ve got to grab a computer before they’re all taken.” “I guess I should go too, but just so you know, I will be watching that magical skirt of yours as you walk away.” The coach had left the blank schedule minimized on his computer. I needed to fill in names for practice this afternoon. It was an easy enough task, but my mind and body were in a state of chaos, making even a simple task complicated. If there had not been stitches in my hand, I might have jumped into the cold water of the pool just to clear my head. Although I was pretty sure I could dive into cold water of the Arctic Sea and not clear Dani from my head. The thick gauze around my hand made typing nearly impossible. I kept hitting the wrong keys and had to keep deleting. I finally resorted to one finger typing. I heard the doors to the pool area open and shut and hoped that Higgins had arrived early after all. Then he could finish the schedule which was now going to take me three times as long to do. I heard footsteps coming toward the office and spun around in

the chair when the office door opened. But Coach Higgins was not standing in the doorway. It was Mr. Dermott and something about him looked off. In fact, he had dark rings under his eyes as if he’d been up all night. There was something definitely not right about the guy. I stood from my chair. His jaw twitched wildly as he walked inside. “Well, if it isn’t Raynesville’s super playboy, Jake West. You couldn’t leave it alone, could you? Amy first, now you’re messing with Dani.” He glanced around to see if we were alone and stepped into the office. “I saw you kissing her just now. You don’t listen very well.” The man in front of me looked like Mr. Dermott, but nothing about his voice or mannerisms was familiar. “Uh, Mr. Dermott, I’m going to head out now. Why don’t you get back to your office?” I was moving in slow motion afraid that I was going to set him off. He moved closer to me, and I backed up a step and ran into the desk behind me. “It was all her fault. She claimed she was going to tell the school board. I went to stop her. I had no idea she would swerve off the road,” Mr. Dermott blurted. Sweat was pouring off of his forehead, and his eyes nearly popped from his face. “I tried to climb down to help, but the car burst into flames. It was hopeless.” “You and Amy?” “It was just a brief affair. It meant nothing.” His eyes grew wider. “You caused Amy’s death?” I could hardly believe I was saying it. “After everything you did to make me feel responsible for it, you’d been the cause of it all along.”

Without warning he flew at me and shoved me against the desk. Papers flew everywhere. I jumped up and threw my fist into his face. He stumbled backwards but recovered and came back at me with an expression of murder on his face. He shoved me up against the office wall, grabbed my arm, and smacked my hand so hard against the plaster I felt my stitches rip open. Blood instantly spread across the gauze. It hurt like hell. My good hand balled into a fist, and I slammed his gut as hard as I could. He released his hold on me and doubled over in pain, but as I tried to slide past him his leg shot out and took out my knees. I dropped to the floor holding my bleeding hand against me. Suddenly Dermott flew sideways. Dani was standing behind him with her backpack hanging from her hand. I jumped up and kicked him so hard he fell to the ground. I grabbed Dani’s hand and dragged her across the pool deck and out the doors. We plowed right into Coach Higgins. His mouth dropped open as he looked down at the bloodsoaked bandage on my hand. “My God, Jake, what happened?” Then movement in the pool area drew his attention threw the glass doors. He squinted inside. “Is that Dermott?” He looked back at us. “What’s going on?” “Dermott attacked me. He had a breakdown or something and started blurting out how he’d caused Amy’s death.” Dani gasped. Coach Higgins glanced into the pool arena. “Looks like Dermott went out the back door.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I’m going to let Principal Berg know that he needs to get over here

right away. Then we need to get you back to the hospital, Jake. Did you hit him with that hand?” I lifted my hand to slow the bleeding. It hurt more now than when Cody had sliced it open. “Dermott slammed it against the wall.” Dani gasped again. That frail, vulnerable look that always made my chest ache had returned. I put my good arm around her and pulled her close. “You may be small, but you swing a mean backpack.” A short laugh escaped. “I’ll never complain about carrying around heavy textbooks again.” Coach Higgins hung up. “Berg wants us up to the office now. He’s called the police. Dermott did not return to his office. Of course, that doesn’t surprise me. Always thought there was something not right about that guy.” Chief Moore wrote down everything I told him. Even though it had just happened and I was a first-hand witness to the whole thing, I could hardly believe what I was saying. But now Dermott’s constant reminders of how I’d caused Amy’s death made sense. He was trying to whitewash his own guilt. Chief Moore had his second squad car circling the school and advised a full lock down as soon as the students were in class. Then he left with his partner to find Dermott. Dani waited with me in the office. The school nurse was on her way to the campus. She would be driving me to the hospital. “I can’t believe I’m going to have to start all over with this hand,” I said, the pain of it really starting to get to me now.

“Maybe they won’t have to stitch it again,” she said hopefully then looked at it. “On second thought . …” “Yeah, I felt them sort of rip open as my hand hit the wall.” She winced. “You poor thing. I wish there was something I could do.” “I’m sure I can think of something, but after they put me back together.” “You don’t miss a beat do you, Jake West?” Then her expression softened in to sadness. “So exactly what did Dermott tell you?” There was a touch of apprehension in her voice as if she didn’t really want to know but had to find out. “I think Dermott and Amy had a thing going. He rambled sort of incoherently, but I picked up that Amy had threatened to expose the affair.” Dani’s face was smooth and pale. “I can’t believe it. But it doesn’t really explain how she died.” Even more color drained from her face. “Unless she was so upset about it she killed herself.” “I don’t think that’s what happened. I think Dermott followed her that night. I’m not totally sure, but I think he might have parked his motorcycle on the road in an attempt to stop Amy. Her car went off right at the bend. Maybe Dermott and his bike showed up suddenly in her headlights, and she swerved to miss him. He muttered something about trying to help but the car caught fire. It sounds like he left the scene and didn’t tell anyone.” “What a monster,” she said quietly. Suddenly she sat up straighter. “The diary, I mentioned Amy’s diary to him in his office.” “I’d definitely mention that to Chief Moore. It sounds like you

just solved the break-in mystery. He must have been worried that she wrote about the affair in the diary.” The school nurse walked into the office, took one look at my hand, and nodded toward the door. “Let’s get you to the hospital.” I looked back at Dani. “I guess I’ll see you later.” She glanced at my hand. “I hope it’s not too bad.” Then she smiled at me and suddenly I didn’t care if they had to stitch me up all over again. Nothing could spoil the fact that I was flat out crazy about Dani Spencer.

Chapter 36 Dani I opened the front door. Officer Moore’s imposing figure stood under the porch light. He held something up. It was Amy’s diary. I reached out and took it from his hands. “Thank goodness, you found it.” “We discovered it after we searched Dermott’s house. I guess we solved two crimes today.” I motioned him inside. Mom came out of the bedroom and he nodded to her. She saw the diary in my hand and turned to him. “Thank you so much for finding it. Dani was frantic that it was might be gone forever. It’s a very special diary,” her voice drifted off, and it sounded as if she might cry. “It seems you were right all along about your cousin,” he said. “It was a terrible tragedy, and Dermott left the accident without notifying anyone. He’s taught his last class in this town. I don’t think anyone will be bothering you anymore. And let’s hope Jake’s hand can finally heal properly.” He shook his head. “Never in a million years would I have expected Dermott to be behind all this.” He nodded again. “Well, good night to you both.” Jake was walking up our driveway just as Officer Moore stepped off the porch. He waved to Jake. “How’s the hand?” “Sort of starting at square one, but the doctor said it should heal fine.” Jake’s deep voice sent a flutter through me. I reached around to the coat hook and grabbed my sweatshirt. I turned to tell Mom I

was going outside, but she already knew. “Don’t stay outside too long,” she said, sounding like a real mom. The police car pulled away, and Jake and I stood alone at the end of the driveway. His long dark hair blew around his handsome face. “How are you doing?” he asked. “Still trying to cope with the weird reality of it all.” “You knew all along that Amy hadn’t killed herself.” I stared out at the empty pastures a moment thinking about the bond I’d had with Amy. Even the distance between us had not broken it. I looked back at Jake. “Amy was the other half of my soul.” He stepped forward and took hold of my hand. “Does that mean you’re in the market for a new soul mate?” “Could be,” I said. “But I have a few prerequisites.” His heart stopping smile appeared. “Oh?” I lifted his hand to my mouth and kissed it. “You must make me laugh at least three times a day, you can never take life too seriously, and you have to like lime Jello.” He leaned closer, and I couldn’t pull my gaze from his mouth. “We’ve got a problem then.” His face lowered and he kissed my nose. “I prefer strawberry.” “Well, I guess I can make that one exception.” His mouth covered mine, and I thought Miss Austen could have her Darcy, and Miss Bronte could have her Heathcliff. I had my Jake.

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