Black (Complete Series) - T.L. Smith

Table of Contents PROLOGUE CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 6 CHAPTER 7 CHAPTER 8 CHAPTER 9 CHAPTER 10 CHAPTER 11 CHAPTER 12 CHAPTER 13 CHAPTER 14 CHAPTER 15 CHAPTER 16 CHAPTER 17 CHAPTER 18 CHAPTER 19 CHAPTER 20 CHAPTER 21 CHAPTER 22 CHAPTER 23 CHAPTER 24 CHAPTER 25 CHAPTER 26 CHAPTER 27 CHAPTER 28 CHAPTER 29 CHAPTER 30 CHAPTER 31 CHAPTER 32 CHAPTER 33 CHAPTER 34 CHAPTER 35 CHAPTER 36 CHAPTER 37 CHAPTER 38 CHAPTER 39 CHAPTER 40 FIVE YEARS LATER TRACE FIVE YEARS AGO

CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 6 CHAPTER 7 CHAPTER 8 CHAPTER 9 CHAPTER 10 CHAPTER 11 CHAPTER 12 CHAPTER 13 CHAPTER 14 CHAPTER 15 CHAPTER 16 CHAPTER 17 CHAPTER 18 CHAPTER 19 CHAPTER 20 CHAPTER 21 CHAPTER 22 CHAPTER 23 CHAPTER 24 CHAPTER 25 CHAPTER 26 CHAPTER 27 CHAPTER 28 CHAPTER 29 CHAPTER 30 CHAPTER 31 CHAPTER 32 CHAPTER 33 CHAPTER 34 CHAPTER 35 CHAPTER 36 CHAPTER 37 CHAPTER 38 CHAPTER 39 CHAPTER 40 PROLOGUE CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7 CHAPTER 8 CHAPTER 9 CHAPTER 10 CHAPTER 11 CHAPTER 12 CHAPTER 13 CHAPTER 14 CHAPTER 15 CHAPTER 16 CHAPTER 17 CHAPTER 18 CHAPTER 19 CHAPTER 20 CHAPTER 21 CHAPTER 22 CHAPTER 23 CHAPTER 24 CHAPTER 25 CHAPTER 26 CHAPTER 27 CHAPTER 28 CHAPTER 29 CHAPTER 30 CHAPTER 31 CHAPTER 32 CHAPTER 33 CHAPTER 34 CHAPTER 35 EPILOGUE



BLACK RED WHITE





Black T.L Smith Copyright 2016 TL Smith All Rights Reserved This book is a work of fiction. Any references to real events, real people, and real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the Author’s imagination and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, organizations or places is entirely coincidental. All rights are reserved. This book is intended for the purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the express written permission of the Author. All songs, song titles and lyrics contained in this book are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.

WARNING This e-book contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language and may be considered offensive to some readers. This e-book is intended for adults ONLY. Please store your files wisely, where they cannot be accessed by under-aged readers. Cover - LM Creations Boxset design – Romantic Book Affairs Formatting - https://www.facebook.com/pages/Angels-Indie-formatting Editing by Swish Design & Editing Proofread – KMS Editing .



Sasha's Dilemma (Dilemma #1) Adam’s Heaven (Dilemma #1.5) Sasha’s Demons (Dilemma #2) Krinos (Take Over #1) Kalon (Take Over #2) Kratos (Take Over #3) Pure Punishment (Standalone) Antagonize Me (Standalone) Degrade (Flawed #1) Twisted Perception (Flawed #2) If you want to keep updated, simply join my mailing list. By clicking here. http://goo.gl/qEqXsP

Note to the Reader This book is based in Australia, and there may be Australian words or places mentioned. If you have any issues understanding, please feel free to message me. Love T.L Smith

PROLOGUE CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 6 CHAPTER 7 CHAPTER 8 CHAPTER 9 CHAPTER 10 CHAPTER 11 CHAPTER 12 CHAPTER 13 CHAPTER 14 CHAPTER 15 CHAPTER 16 CHAPTER 17 CHAPTER 18 CHAPTER 19 CHAPTER 20 CHAPTER 21 CHAPTER 22 CHAPTER 23 CHAPTER 24 CHAPTER 25 CHAPTER 26 CHAPTER 27 CHAPTER 28 CHAPTER 29 CHAPTER 30 CHAPTER 31 CHAPTER 32 CHAPTER 33 CHAPTER 34 CHAPTER 35 CHAPTER 36 CHAPTER 37 CHAPTER 38 CHAPTER 39 CHAPTER 40 FIVE YEARS LATER TRACE



I am loyal, but I will betray you. I am strong, but I have scars. I am an angel, but the devil. I met her when I was sixteen and she was a breath of fresh air. She swooped in, making me smile. But then she left, taking my next breath with her. Her smile could light up a room, making my black heart pitter patter. I found her again ten years later, with a syringe in her arm. Blood coming from between her legs. She was broken and I was glad she was broken. She wouldn't think less of me and my damaged ways.



PROLOGUE BLACK She was sitting there, just doing nothing other than picking petals off of a flower. I thought that it was weird. What sixteen-year-old girl sits in the dirt and picks petals from flowers? It was such a strange thing to watch, her long blonde hair that ran all the way down her back was clean and brushed, her clothes were unblemished apart from the front of her legs where she was kneeling in the dirt. I could see her mouth moving. She was counting, or was she saying something I didn’t quite understand, and I didn’t have the time to sit there and watch her. I had places to be, and deals that needed to be made. But when I walked past the park late that night and saw her hunched back just sitting there, it certainly had me wondering why. It was late, black was the sky, not a cloud about. I was positive it was going to rain any minute. I smelt it in the air, but she didn’t seem to notice. What a peculiar girl. I looked at her one last time, the lamp in the park illuminating her like an angel. Kicking a rock at my foot, I turned the other way and started walking. “Stop!” a voice called out to me. My feet halted. That voice was like velvet—sweet and soothing. I wanted to put one foot in front of the other, to force myself to take another step, to ignore what she wanted or what she wanted to say. But I knew I couldn’t. I was drawn to her and it was weird. I’d seen her before because she was in my class at school. One I barely went to, but attending a little was mandatory before the authorities got involved. She sat with the cool kids, the kids with money and nice cars, people older than herself. She was my age, I knew she was. She was in most of my classes, always sitting there with her glasses on, lost in thought. I turned. I just had to. She was standing now, looking my way. She wouldn’t be able to see me properly—I wasn’t under a street lamp. Her hair was so long and blonde it almost touched her hips. Her pants dirty, she looked different, odd, hurt. So many emotions running over her face. She took two steps forward, bringing herself closer to me. Closer to danger. She stopped and squinted, as if she was trying to see me better, but couldn’t. “Have you ever loved someone so much the thought of them hurts?” she asked in a small voice. I tilted my head to the side. Why would she ask me that? She didn’t know me. She stood there, waiting for me to answer. I couldn’t give her anything in return—I didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t. She moved closer, each step slower as she came forth. She came face to face with me, looking up, her face dark from the night sky, but somehow so vibrant in front of me. She reached for my hand, laced her fingers through mine, and tugged me as she ran. I didn’t stop her—couldn’t, wouldn’t. She ran all the way to a cliff, a place I’ve been to before. But looking down over the side I saw nothing but blackness. The water was unusually green—no one has ever been able to touch the bottom of this swimming hole. People tell stories that cars are lost, even bodies. No one knows for sure, as no one can reach the bottom of its murky depths. It was basically a green hole surrounded by walls. People came during the summer to try jumping from the highest points. But it was hard to climb out once you dove in. You had to find a rock that was close enough for you to pull yourself up from the water and then climb up the sheer rock face.

I looked back to her, wondering what we were doing. I hadn’t said a word, she hadn’t since we arrived. She took her now dirty pants off, dropped them to the ground, and then her top. Her hair covered her, but I could just make out the outline of her body. “Will you swim with me?” she asked, looking up at me. I thought about it—I was there, so why not? Then I hesitated. I had places to be, beatings I would receive if I didn’t show up. Then thought, fuck it. This better be worth the beating. I dropped my jeans, leaving me in boxer shorts, threw my shirt on her pile and looked back at her. She was watching me. I liked it. She grabbed my hand again, laced our fingers together, and started to count. “One…” she puffed out, “I can’t wait to escape this place.” “Two…” she released another breath, “I want to be loved.” I was watching her with intense interest. She was so different. She looked to me, a lone tear sliding down her face. So lonely. She nodded for me to do the last, but I didn’t know what to say. I thought about it and kept coming up blank. “Three…” I finally spoke, and she gave my hand a squeeze, “I want to stop the beatings.” Then we jumped. The water was cold. It gave me chills, running up and down my spine. Our hands broke apart as we hit the water. I came up first and couldn’t see her anywhere. I looked around frantically. She couldn’t have drowned. Surely she knew how to swim? Two hands came around my neck, pulling me down. She laughed in my ear when I didn’t go down too far. Her laugh was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard. I wanted to hear more of it, often. “I like you,” she whispered, and I instantly wondered why. How could this beautiful girl like me? I was the most hated person in school, people were afraid of me. They never spoke to me, always looked the other way. And yet here she was, glued to my back and laughing in my ear. “You know who I am, right?” I said, and then started swimming with her on my back, her legs came around my waist. She kept on laughing every time I took us under and surfaced with her still on my back. I managed to untie her from my back and spun her so she was face to face with me. She looked at me then, and I could just make out the blue in her eyes. Her smile was broad. I picked her up as much as possible and threw her backward. She surfaced laughing and coming straight back for me, tangling her legs around my back again. I swam around, tiring myself out. Listening to her sing, she was peaceful. I liked that about her. “I have to get home, it’s late,” she said, swimming backwards away from me, heading toward the rock, where she found one she could climb. She dressed quickly, and just before she disappeared from the side she yelled out to me, “Come to school tomorrow,” and then she left.

My face wasn’t as bruised as it usually was. Last night I had done my job, but it was late. So I was beaten—black eye and possible cracked rib—but I was going to school. When I turned up, she was sitting on the steps. Her glasses perched on her nose, head down in a book. I was thinking about tapping her shoulder, telling her I was there. Then I thought better of it and walked straight past her. She caught me, though, her hand snaking out and trapping my ankle. My first instinct was to kick, but I didn’t want to risk hurting her. She looked up, and her eyes now looked like an intense storm. The blue came through like the sky. She smiled and stood.

“We have math together,” she said, handing me her bag while keeping her head down and reading. I threw her bag over my shoulder and we walked to our first class, people giving us odd looks as we went. Class was nearly finished before she said a word to me. She sat next to me but hadn’t looked up since devouring her book. “I think we should kiss,” she said, her head now lying on the desk, staring up at me. I pulled a face at her, because that was the weirdest thing she’d said. Considering last night was weird, this was weirder. “Okay, I want you to graffiti my name on the wall for me,” she said. I wondered if she was using me then. I thought it was possible but dismissed it. The bell rang and I took her hand this time, running from the school. She screeched and laughed, and my heart swelled. I loved that sound. I stopped at the train station. The trains where arriving. No one was around, so I pulled two cans out of my bag. We walked behind one train so we weren’t in clear view and tagged my name. I gave her the other can and she lifted it and sprayed me. I was in shock, but she was trying to contain her laugh. So I did the same to her, painted her white shirt bright red. Soon we were both covered in blue and red paint, laughing and not even paying attention until we were called. I grabbed for her hand again and ran. We stopped in the bushes, both out of breath and full of adrenaline. She looked up at me, smiled, and placed her soft lips on mine. It was surreal, I’d been kissed, and I’d even fucked, but never someone like her. Someone so perfect, so beautiful. She broke away, smiled, and said, “Told you I wanted to kiss you.” I was hooked, and from that day forward I went to school every day just to see her. Just to get a glimpse her. She rewarded me daily with a kiss, and it went on like that for a month. We sometimes stayed in school, but often we snuck out doing the most random things we could think of. And it made me happy, she made me happy. Then one day she didn’t turn up. I waited. Then the next day, another no show. I waited months for her until I realized she was gone and not coming back. After that I went back to my old ways, back to the bad. She was the light and she took it with her that day, stole it and never gave it back.



CHAPTER 1 BLACK The sound of the snap, the clank of the metal. The beating of the heart, the smell of fear. It’s there, evident in his eyes. He’s scared. He should be. “I knew you were coming.” His voice is shaky with fear. He takes a tentative step back, blocking him against the edge. No words leave my mouth. No words are needed. “They call you…” he looks behind him, effectively cutting the words he was about to say. His eyes snap back to mine, and I’m closer now, inches from the end. “They say all you see is black… you’re black, black as the night sky on a stormy night.” He waits for me to respond again, but I won’t. He carries on, stalling me. It’s not working. Another step, I take inches now from his life. “They call you Black! But if I’m going into the black you’re coming with me,” he says just as I shoot him. He reaches for my arm, the one with the gun, pulling me down with him. Falling into the deep, dark, inky water. Everything is black. Black as my soul. Black like they call me. Maybe they all should fear me? Maybe I will one day turn black, everything I touch does. The water is calm and I think about not surfacing, think about what it would be like if the black takes me over completely. I surface, coming up for air. He doesn’t—dead at my hand, dead as the black.



CHAPTER 2 ROSE I have demons, as I’m sure we all do. Mine come in the form of someone I loved, thought I loved. He hid himself, showed me someone who he wasn’t. Had me hook, line, and sinker. Betrayed me, used me, and abused me. Made me feel less than I was. I was a fool. I thought he loved me, thought I loved him. He took me away, secluded me from any friends and family I had. Made me rely on him, made me think he was the only person to care for me. Love me. He swooped in when I was young. I was naïve enough to believe all the things he said, the way he touched me, whispered in my ear that I was it for him. I believed every sick word that came from his mouth. I had no reason not to. He was popular and had a name for himself. He just hid it, hid it well. I didn’t know what he was truly like until it was too late. Too late for me. He fed me drugs, forced their use upon me. Made me do things for them when I needed more. He got what he needed from me, something that broke me so badly that the drugs became the only answer. It became too much. The hurt too much to bare. My heart was broken, and he’d stolen it. Then I escaped. I ran. From one dark place to another.



CHAPTER 3 BLACK My boots are heavy, wet from pulling the body from the lake. I trudge into my house, kicking my boots off as I go. I sit down, exhausted, but wanting relief. I needed to fuck—fuck hard—but there’s no pussy in sight. I clench my teeth, pick up a smoke and light it. It brings some relief, but not what I want or need. Two weeks without sex has me wound up tightly. I was off guard and let the man pull me into the river. Yes, he was a paid job, though he would have gone out easier if he’d stopped talking. I lean back on my couch, wondering what the fuck I’m doing. How the fuck did I get to this place in my life? How did I become one of the darkest people I know? I shake my head, running my hand through my beard, trying to disperse those thoughts. I look out the window—a motorbike is pulling in. More than likely it’s Jake to take me to the clubhouse for pussy and business. I was down for pussy, just not the business part. My house is two stories, it’s old, standing on stilts, surrounded by acres of land. I bought this house for next to nothing. It’s in a good position, value for money, especially if you had the cash. Which I did. The furniture’s plain and the inside the house smells fresh. I hired a bunch of neighborhood kids to graffiti it. Color lines the walls from my kitchen to my living room. It’s bright, beautiful—and all the things I’m not. The hard knock comes from the front door. I stand, ridding my suit jacket as I walk, leaving me in just my black slacks and white shirt. I walk a few feet to the door and swing it open. Jake smiles, then taps my back as he makes his way straight to my fridge. His vest is displayed proudly. Vice President badge on his chest, the other states ‘Coffin Soldiers’. They’re our local MC. They’re large, chapters all over Australia and around the world. “Fucking some sweet ass pussy tonight, my brother?” He lifts the beer, touching his lips, and he downs the whole thing. Not stopping until it’s gone, and then he throws it in the sink, smashing the glass bottle. He looks me up and down, laughing when he sees I’m still wet from my unexpected swim in the fucking lake. “You went for a swim? In your clothes?” he questions me. I shake my head. He knows better than anyone why I’d be wet, and it wouldn’t be from fucking swimming, that’s for sure. I enter my bedroom, the only place inside the house that’s pitch black, not an ounce of color anywhere, not even in my wardrobe. I throw my socks to the floor, then my pants and my shirt are next. I’m dressed in exactly what I was wearing before, but now clean and dry. He’s on the second beer when I walk back out. Something’s bothering him, this much I know. I also know he won’t say a word until he’s good and ready. He does the same with that bottle, smashing it in the sink when he’s done. His dark hair, almost as dark as mine, is pulled roughly through his hands. I grab my keys, and he doesn’t say a word when he follows me out the door, slamming it behind him. There’s no need to lock it. No one would be stupid enough to break in here anyway. Our bikes purr loudly as we ride side by side for the ten minutes it takes to arrive at the clubhouse.

The sky’s dark, and it reminds me of a night I want to forget. I close my eyes. Squeeze them tight for a second, making the thoughts disappear. Pulling up, loud noises occupy the yard. The clubhouse is situated behind what looks like a beautiful, well-kept home. But at the back, the back is dangerous and anything but. It’s on acreage—acres and acres of bad, bad property where horrific things occur. Members all wear their cuts. The bar is situated in the open back shed and has strippers on the tables. They’re all naked and looking high as kites. Jake keeps walking, going straight to the Pres, and I follow. Other chapters are here tonight. Outsiders like me that don’t wear a cut are not supposed to be here. Club members only. But the Pres, well, I do things for the Pres that keeps his hands untarnished. Keeps the club looking clean. The law is strict around here. If you’re a biker, you get locked up. You associate with a biker, you get locked up. It’s easier for them to be as clean as possible, but still do the dirty on the side. Not all members know who I am, and I’m fine with that. Only this chapter, the ones that rule my town, know who I am and what I’m capable of. “Boy,” Pres calls out—also known as Gray—calling Jake to him. Pres is in his late forties. He has a naked and fake silicone bitch on each leg. He looks to me and nods, then back to a prospect. Jake walks over, leans down, and the Pres whispers in his ear. I don’t care and just sit on a seat that’s free, a beer placed straight into my hand. The prospect smiles awkwardly and moves away quickly. It would have stung him to be in my vicinity too long. They all know of me, what I am capable of. I can feel eyes looking at me, evaluating me. I lean back and look around, not moving from my spot. The eyes that are on me are another President’s—his cut proudly patched with the President badge. He assesses me, dropping his head to the side and smiles. I don’t return the favor. “You new?” he asks, looking around. He’s making a point that no strangers are allowed in the clubroom. I don’t answer and it seems to irk him more. “You deaf boy?” he yells, standing up, his men come to a standstill. I can feel the movements stop even though I can’t see them all. Gray looks past Jake’s shoulder and watches what’s happening. He shakes his red head and stands. He’s built, and a firecracker. He’d be calm and cool one minute, then the next he’d have a knife at your throat. “Grover, don’t start,” he says and then looks around. “You boys getting some pussy or what?” he shouts, reaching for one of the silicone Barbies on his chair, pulling her up and squeezing her tit hard. Grover looks at me, his eyes trying to work me out. I want to ask him if he has and to let me know, but he just smiles and gets up and walks away. Jake comes back over once I’m on my third beer and ready to go. The pussy here is not what I’m after. They’re all high, sucking on any dick that moves. He smacks the back of my head, then points to a brunette sitting out in the bushes. I can just make out her hair from where I’m sitting. She’s half-clothed, more so than any of the other girls that are here. “Try to hit that,” he says, nodding his head toward the girl. I stand, hoping she isn’t a club whore who’s been passed around. I want something different tonight, a challenge. My boots are loud with each step I take as they hit the pavement. I’m waiting for her head to turn around and tell me to fuck off. She does neither. I walk until I’m directly in front of her. She looks up at me. She’s beautiful—not stop your breath beautiful, but still beautiful. She squints at me while looking me over. I do the same. She has on shorts so short I swear I can see her pussy popping out. “You a biker?” she asks. Her lip lifts in disgust, so I shake my head.

“You want me?” she asks, standing up. I look her up and down. She has a nice rack, her tits are plump, and her curves are round. I nod my head, and she looks back to the party. Unsure of what to do. “Okay,” she says, and that’s all the permission I need. I grab her arm. She yelps at my tight grip, but I don’t loosen it. Her steps are quick and fast, trying to keep up with me as I walk into the garage where they have makeshift rooms. Heading to the one I use when I’m here, I push her in and slam the door behind me. I trap her in, sick thoughts start running through my brain. I shake my head to clear them and look up to watch her undressing. She’s fast. I’m right—she has nothing underneath those pants. When she’s fully naked, she takes a few steps toward me. I undo my belt, dropping it to the floor when all I want to do is tie her up so she can’t move. I grab my cock, pulling it free from my pants. She looks down and flushes, a smile taking over her face. Removing the condom from my pocket, I slide it on easily like I’ve done hundreds of times before. She closes the distance, reaching for my shirt. I grab her wrist with my free hand, spinning her around, keeping her wrist in my hand and pinning it to her back. I push her forward. Her ass right in front of me. She wiggles, making me harder. “Please,” she begs. I position, tease, and then slam. The relief of being so deep, and feeling the squeeze, is like ecstasy. I slam into her again and she takes it. Her hands are still tied behind her back. “More,” she asks. I use my free hand to grab her hip, then continue my destruction, her pussy milking my cock. It feels good, so fucking good. When I come, I push her forward. She lands on her face but doesn’t say a word. I remove the condom and throw it to the floor. Tuck myself back in and grab my belt. Before I put it back on, I think about tying her up with it and trapping her in place. But then I hear a scream, the scream of a woman.



CHAPTER 4 ROSE I’m happy. Then I’m sad. I’m flying. Then I’m falling. I’m screaming. Then I’m crying. Then I see him—an angel, but he looks like the devil. He leans down in front of my face, and I brush his face with my fingers. Have to touch. Have to feel. He flinches as if I burn him. Maybe I have? He stands. He looks. He paces. Then he screams. What a beautiful devil he is.



CHAPTER 5 BLACK That scream was like black calling black, loneliness calling loneliness. I didn’t understand it, but I needed to find the source of it. Opening two doors, I’m punched in the gut hard by what I see. There she is, the girl I thought I loved ten years ago. She’s on the floor with a band wrapped around her arm. A syringe left in and blood pooling at her feet. She was sitting up, her back against the wall. Looking up, and looking at me, like she recognizes exactly who I am. Her skin’s covered in marks, her body’s skin and bones, her ribs poking through her skin tight dress which is wrapped around her body. Her eyes are dull. Her once bright, vibrant blonde hair is now lifeless. I look around. Other girls are passed out or are high on drugs. I start pacing, wondering what to do. Should I just leave her where she is? I don’t know this woman, I don’t know who she is now. Then she looks up at me like she knows who I am, and a roar rips from my throat. I can’t leave her, but I don’t take in strays either. Her eyes are glued to mine like she’s trying to gauge my reaction. But I know the real reason—she’s soaring fucking high. Whatever she’s inserted in her arm is playing with her head. I stand there, not moving. Standing quite still, unsure of what to do, or how to go about it. I thought I had loved once, but now I’m unsure. So the feelings I have for her are unusual. She makes me feel things, makes my heart pitter patter when I thought there wasn’t a heart there that could do that. She’s unusual and unique. Strange, but beautiful. She moans, pulling me from the thoughts I have of her. She doesn’t recognize me, that I know for sure. She would have said something, anything if she did. But no words are spoken. I know she can speak, know she can scream. Because she turns to the girl next to her, who’s currently placing a needle in her arm, and she screams at her to give it back. The girl next to her doesn’t hear, or chooses not to listen, as she empties the syringe into her arm. Rose launches forward, her hands slapping on the floor, picking up any drugs she can get a hold of. I shake my head, having no idea what to do. “You here to fuck us?” Her voice is dry, unlike what I’ve heard before. There’s a scratchy noise to it. She looks up at me, her body now lying on the dirty floor, covering herself in her own blood. Then she smiles and passes out. I’m not sure how much blood she’s lost, but her eyes hide the fact that her soul is dead. I turn and walk out, the brunette I’d fucked only minutes earlier leaning against the wall outside the door. She puffs a breath out, pulling smoke from her mouth, and smirks. “You a junkie?” she asks, looking over my shoulder back to the girls in the room. Rose has passed out on the floor, blood surrounding her, a band wrapped around her arm. I shake my head, not bothering answering her. “Them girls would do anything for a hit…” more smoke curls from her mouth, “…and they do,” she says, stomping on the butt, putting it out and walking off with a sway in her hips. She’s a hit it and quit it kind of girl. I like that and I want another taste.

I turn back one last time. Her eyes are open, and she’s looking at me. They blink once, then twice. Fuck it! I pick her up, throwing her over my shoulder. She’s light, as light as a child. She doesn’t make a noise when I carry her out. Jake spots me straight away and walks over. He looks to me, then to her. “I need your car,” I tell him. “That bitch is bleeding. She’s not getting in my car.” He shakes his head like he can’t believe I’ve just asked that question. “I’ll pay for it to be cleaned. Now give me your keys.” I shove my hand out, and he reluctantly pulls them from his pocket. “Who’s the bitch?” he asks, nodding his head to Rose. I snatch the keys and walk to his dual-cab pickup truck. Unlocking the back door, I throw her in. I’m not nice about it, she doesn’t need nice. No noise came from the backseat, not even a whimper. When I finally make it home, I have to check to make sure she is still alive. Her breathing is hard and staggered. I pick her up, hating the smell that emanated from of her, and walk to the house. I have a bedroom downstairs, if you can call it that. It don’t have much—a single steel bed, a toilet, shower, and nothing else. The walls are plain and boring. I drop her again, my white shirt now a darkening red from her blood. She rolls over when I place her down. I walk out, grabbing cuffs and rope. Her head is now hanging off the bed and she vomits on the floor. She doesn’t have much to bring up, so she’s more dry-retching. I push her back forcefully. Holding her in place, I grab the first wrist and snap the cuff to the bed, and repeat it with the second. I rope her legs to the end of the bed, then position a pillow under her head in case she vomits again. Walking to the door, I turn back to look. The blood that’s coming from her leg has stopped, and it looks like she has a deep laceration. Her dress is short and dirty, and her appearance is that of a hooker living on the streets not making pay. My head hurts, it’s pounding. Too much to deal with, too much work to get done, and I don’t have the time to be babysitting a drug addict. Especially one who’s a ghost from my past. I leave her where she is, tied to the bed with no escape, and trudge up the stairs to my room. All the lights are off, but I know there’s someone in my kitchen. They try to be sneaky, trying to see if I can pick them out. And I can, I just choose to let him believe he can sneak up on me, that he can somehow beat me at what I do best. “Go home,” I mumble to him. He steps from the confines of the darkness and I see his face. It reminded me of me when I was his age—battered and bruised. I choose not to acknowledge it and just shake my head. I don’t need this. Why is everything so fucking hardcore today? “You can sleep on the couch, but if you so much as go into the room downstairs, you’ll wish death upon yourself.” He nods his head, blond curls bouncing up and down. “You got a woman tied up or something?” he jokes. Little does he know what he’s just said is true. “Leave in the morning. Go to school.” I throw twenty bucks at him. He smiles, and as soon as I sit down he lays down and turns the television on. I found Hayden one day trying to break into my house. The local kids told him if he did they’d pay him one hundred bucks. He did it, not knowing whose house it was, but the kids did. And as soon as he was in, they ran like scattering cats.

He made it to my kitchen before I picked him up by his collar and he screamed. He didn’t think anyone was home, the house was dark. He thought he was earning points, trying to get in with the cool crowd at school. He got neither, except kids that bully him and possibly a father that beats him. Could be worse. I know a lot of people who’ve had worse.



CHAPTER 6 ROSE My head hurts, my leg hurts, my shoulders hurt. Everything hurts. I try to sit, but I can’t move. My legs and hands are not cooperating, so I try again—nothing. The sun’s coming in. it’s hot, making me sweat. I look around, and that’s when I notice my hands tied back and my legs tied down. I kick, scream, and try to break free, but I’m not strong enough. I’m too weak. I need something, I need that next hit. More than I need food that my stomach craves. I hear a noise and close my eyes. Pretending I’m sleeping, I can hear each heavy step on the floor, coming closer. It stops in front of me, and I squeeze my eyes tighter, not knowing who or what this man wants. “Don’t hurt me,” I whisper, opening my eyes. A man stands in front of me, a very tall and dangerous looking man. He’s scary, and I know scary from the people I’d hung around. This man in front of me stands confident, stoic, and sleek, and gives off a vibe of self-importance with a 'don't fuck with me' attitude displayed in his facial features, causing my intimidation levels to rise. He’s dressed impeccably and wearing a suit jacket, black slacks, and a white shirt. It seems strange that he doesn’t have a tie on though. I guess that’s not his style. He lifts his hand slightly and I see a very expensive watch wrapped around his wrist. It’s encased in diamonds, and my mind goes to straight to stealing it, seeing how much money I could get for a watch like that. He moves closer, his mouth tight. His beard is long, roguish, and his hair long, but slightly reminded me of a mohawk, though it’s stylish. His face doesn’t give anything away, and he just looks at me like he can see right through me. “I will do anything,” I say, pulling on my restraints. He leans forward, lifting whatever is in his hand and putting his hand on the back of my neck. He lifts me up, putting a glass of water to my lips. I look to him one last time before I put my lips to the glass. His eyes looked familiar, I know those eyes. They’re green but mixed with something else. I can’t put my finger on it. I drink every drop, and he checks the glass before he stands up straight. He doesn’t look back at me when he walks out the door, shutting it firmly behind him, followed by the click of a lock. Great! I’m his fucking prisoner. He comes in the next day, but I barely remember. My head hurts and my body aches. He takes me to the bathroom and I try to kick him in the leg. It doesn’t faze him, not in the slightest. It’s like I hadn’t touched him at all. I was screaming so hard. “Just one hit!” I’m desperate. I need it, my body needs it. “I’ll do anything,” I scream again, hoping he’ll hear me and have some compassion. Nothing, he never comes back that day. I stay tied to the bed, covered in sweat, my own filth, and freezing cold. Each day becomes a routine—water, bread, and toilet. Once a day, that’s all he gives me.

I screamed, screamed so much, but my cries were going unanswered. My screams unnoticed. A week I stay strapped to the bed, barely remembering when he came. It feels like a week, but it could have been months. I wouldn’t know. My brain is playing tricks on me, making all the bad thoughts sneak their way back in, remembering things I tried to forget. Things I couldn’t deal with. I was counting, counting each and every crack in the walls and the roof. Anything to get my mind off what was consuming it. Then the door opens and a girl walks in. She’s humming to herself and smiling. Walking over to me, she pulls up a chair. My body’s shaking, I feel as though I’m freezing. I need just one taste, one hit. Why am I here? Was I being held hostage? “I came to shower you. I warn you, though… you try anything funny, I will hurt you!” She leans back, putting her foot on the edge of the bed. I nod my head, and she smiles and stands. She unties my feet first while humming to herself again. She has a key between her breasts. She smiles down at me and clicks the lock on the cuffs. She’s so close when she reaches over to do the other hand. That’s when she smelt me and coughed, trying to stop herself from gagging. “Can you stand?” She towers over me. She looks massive, but it could be just the position I’m at on the bed. But nothing makes sense to me, I don’t even know where I am. I nod and swing my legs to the side. Attempting to stand—nothing comes—my legs feel dead as if they aren’t my own. She’s watching me, leaning down she hoists me up. I’m thankful because there’s no way I could have gotten far without her help. She walks me to where he takes me to the toilet. Instead there’s a single shower cubical. She reaches over and flicks it on, then pulls away from me, placing my hand on the bench to steady myself. “I have clothes for you. Shower and get rid of that smell.” Her nose is turned up at me. I can’t smell myself, though I’m sure I smell like sewerage, or possibly worse. My feet are heavy, my body feels like a lead weight. I don’t want to move from the sink I’m leaning on to move to the shower. I’ve been sleeping for days and haven’t seen myself in a mirror for as long as I can remember, so I turn my head back and take a glimpse. What I see—I don’t recognize that person staring back at me at all. She doesn’t look like me. Her face is sunken in, and I can see and feel the tremors taking over my body. I want the solution to rid myself of this pain, I want the high the Meth gives me and that my body craves. But I also feel ravenous and my mouth’s dry. My gums even hurt. I snap my head away from the mirror, not wanting to look any longer. I hear footsteps as I remove my dress. It feels bulky, my arms not wanting to participate. I drop it to the floor, and I hear the brunette’s voice. She isn’t looking at me, her back is to the door. She has a slight smile on her face, I can just make it out by the twitch of her lips, and her eyes roam to whoever it is she’s talking to. “Yes, I’m showering her,” she says then looks back to me. She rolls her eyes, smiling slightly. I step in, my feet wanting to give way and collapse to the floor, but I manage to stand in the same spot for a few seconds, letting the warm water cleanse me before I finally succumb and drop to the floor. Her head pokes around then, checking on me, and when she sees no sign of anything she disappears again, her voice resuming. I can’t hear who she’s talking to, and I can’t see who it is either. There’s watermelon shower gel, so I squeeze some onto my hand. Washing under my arms, I feel hair there. I mustn’t have shaved for weeks. Where did those weeks go? What was I doing in all that time? I

hardly recall anything. I just knew it was bliss, the bliss of having no worries. I move my hand downward, washing my most sensitive areas. It’s hairy there too. I shake my head. I don’t need to worry about hair, who cares if I’m hairy or not? I sure as shit don’t. My head feels sore, my legs sting. I turn slightly to see where the sting is coming from. I have a large gash on my leg and a bandage is covering it. It’s healed, but just barely. It fell off as I continue to wash myself, my skin feels terrible. I don’t recall it ever feeling like this. My hand runs down my side, feeling the dryness that is there, roughness, the softness of my skin has vanished, and what replaces it feels like sandpaper. I open my mouth under the spray of water, washing my mouth out, then swallowing as much as I can. The brunette pops her head in and she throws a bottle into the shower cubicle, not saying anything as I lap up the water that’s pouring into my mouth. My breathing’s heavy. I’ve exhausted myself and yet I’ve hardly done anything at all. “Come on, your food is getting cold,” her voice rings in my ears. The thought of food makes my stomach grumble, hunger pangs shooting through me. I pick up the discarded bottle that lay on the floor between my legs and see it’s a combination shampoo and conditioner. One of those cheap ones you can buy for babies. I don’t have the luxury of complaining as I lift my sore arms and squeeze half the bottle over my head. It feels good being clean again, apart from the hair factor. I use all my strength to stand, but I’m hunched over. Not able to take a full stand. The brunette flings a towel my way. She’s sitting on the toilet, playing with her nails. I grab it, dry my body, and see clean clothes on the sink bench. I place the clean undies on, then a loose fitting dress that hangs on my body. “Food?” I ask, and the hunger pangs are back. She points out the door, so I walk – well, I wobble to the smell of food. It’s on the bed I’d been sleeping on. Well tied to. The sheets are now clean, the smell gone. I sit and pick up the burger, devouring it. The brunette walks out, coming to stand in front of me, assessing me. “Why does he help you?” she asks. I lick my fingers, sucking the sauce from them clean. “Who?” I ask, not knowing what she’s talking about. “Where am I?” I ask, wondering where I am. Sometimes I wake in unusual places. This is not the worst. “You’re at the devil’s lair,” she replies, smiling.



CHAPTER 7 BLACK One. Two. Three. That’s how many steps I take until I’m at her door. It’s quiet and dark with no sound coming from inside. At first, I think maybe, possibly, she’s found a way to escape. Stella’s voice breaks that silence. I stare at her door. It’s closed, no light showing underneath. I hear her talking to Rose and I realize she’s prying. I’ve told her to not interfere and just do as I ask. They never listen—women never listen. I knock once, but hard. Footsteps follow. I don’t look in, I don’t want to see her just yet. Stella smiles at me, showing her crooked teeth. Beautiful she is, just not stunning. She shuts the door behind her, locking it as she goes. Her hand touches my chest, she grazes it, and I step back out of her reach. Smiling seductively, she starts walking up the stairs, stripping her clothes as she goes. I stand there watching, not moving. She cocks her finger. She’s now completely naked, wanting what only I can give her. I take the steps two at a time and pick her up. She squeals, but she’s wet. I can smell her, she smells good. I slam her against the window, her tits smashing against the glass. Her hands go up like she’s stuck to the glass pane, squashing her in place. I grab a condom, pull my cock out and bend down. “Fuck!” she screams as I push into her, her hands not moving. She stays still, not touching, not prying. I fuck her hard, each thrust as firm as the next. I lean forward, sinking my teeth into the edge of her shoulder. She shudders, she’s coming, but I’m not ready. I pull her backward, her hands catching her before she falls head first to the ground. Her hands are now the only part of her body on the window, holding herself up. She braces herself, she’s smart. I grab her hair, pulling it hard. It’s taking longer and longer each time I’m with a woman to come. There have even been times I haven’t come at all. But I plan to come tonight, plan to release the tension built up and taking hold of me. Her head snaps back with each thrust, my cock slamming into her again and again. I finally come, pushing her away from me. She catches herself again. She’s getting good at my reactions, and she’s only been here for three days. She found me once Jake told her where I lived and she hasn’t left. I’ve fucked her every day, and each time it’s getting harder, telling myself it’s not the blue-eyed woman that has me so hard. This better not be my life. I’m too young to have a limp dick. Thoughts of Rose’s blonde hair and blue eyes come to mind, and my dick jumps. I want to curse myself, tell my fucked up mind that the woman tied to the bed, the way I want her, it

isn’t the same Rose. No, this one’s fucked and a junkie. And I don’t get involved with junkies. “Why is she special?” Stella asks. I forgot she’s here. She always seems to be around and I have no idea why. I don’t treat her well. Fuck, I don’t even let her sleep in my bed. “She isn’t,” I say, ridding myself of the condom and pulling my pants up. My headache is back. Stress —too much fucking stress. “Why is she currently tied to a bed if she isn’t?” she questions and stands there completely naked, questioning me in my own home. She must be crazy. “Leave,” I bark and she looks shocked. She shakes her head no. “Leave,” I tell her again, my voice not raised, but there’s no mistake in what I’ve said. She kicks something on my floor with angry intent. I don’t acknowledge her tantrum. I’ve never offered her anything, never once made any promises. My dick was in her, fucking her, and that’s the extent of what we have. She chooses to stay—stay to be fucked. She slams the door on her way out, then it goes completely quiet. At first I think she may have gone back downstairs, but then I hear my car start up and reverse down my driveway. Fucking bitch. I stand on the top of the stairs, looking down. Wondering if she’s sleeping. Does she recognize me? Does she see how dark I’ve become? Could she still be the same girl I once knew? Those thoughts don’t mean anything, because in that room downstairs in the dark is a broken girl. One who I don’t know.



CHAPTER 8 ROSE It’s black, there’s no light coming in. I hear yelling. I don’t think I’m hallucinating, it sounds real. Then a slam, followed by a car leaving. I lay there, one arm handcuffed to the bed, the rest of my body free. I think about the brunette and her question. “Why does he help you?” I don’t know who she spoke of. Was it the man I saw, the one that doesn’t speak? I wasn’t sure if he was real or not. I didn’t even believe she was real until I felt the shower and tasted the food. The door latches are being moved, I can hear it. The click, clack. A slight light follows and I look up, expecting it to be the dark figure, but it’s not. It’s a small figure, his head looking in, assessing everything. His eyes stop when they’re on me. He looks me dead in the eyes, and then walks in, shutting the door and flicking on the light. He’s small, possibly eight to ten years old. He ambles to me, stopping at the single chair that’s not that far from my bed and sits down. He sees me handcuffed to the bed and looks worried, his eyes shooting back to mine. “You bad?” he asks, his voice soft. I don’t know how to answer that question so I choose not to. He’s smart, he reads my silence. “Mr. Black, he isn’t bad. He looks after me, treats me right,” he goes on, looking at the door like he’s expecting to get in trouble at any minute. “Mr. Black?” I ask him. “Yeah, Black. The man who owns this house. The man who cuffed you.” He points to my wrist, telling me the obvious. “Can you get me out of here?” I pull on my cuff, wanting it to break so I can break free. He shakes his head, hard. “Want a lolly?” he asks, ignoring me, pulling out a lollipop from his pocket. I can’t say no, my hunger is always present. He hands it to me, and I basically snatch it from his hand, peeling the wrapper away and shoving it in my mouth. “I have to go. See you later, cuffed lady,” he says, standing and running out the door. He doesn’t shut it as he passes through. I try my wrist, attempting to pull myself free. Nothing works, I can’t move. “Who opened the door?” a voice asks, startling me. Lollipop still in my mouth, I turn to him. He nods to himself like he doesn’t need me to answer, like he already knows. He’s dressed much as I remember him. I thought I’d fabricated his looks in my head. He’s beautiful— heart-wrenchingly so. His beard is long, but not overgrown, his dark hair is pulled to the side. Dark clothes, only a white shirt. “Please let me go,” I ask and his eyes shoot to mine. They’re so unique, different from a distance. It appears like he knows my darkest secrets, but I hope like hell no one does. No one needs to know those secrets. I don’t even want to remember them.

“You going to go and get high again, Rose?” That question startles me, I don’t use that name. Haven’t used it for a while now. The people that know me as her wouldn’t recognize me now. “How do you know who I am?” He steps in, and he seems to do it in slow motion. Like he counts each step. My wrist scratches against the cuff that ties me to the bed, trying to pull myself away from him, away from what he brings—feelings. “Your name isn’t Rose?” he asks, almost at my bed now. I shake my head. “No, my name is Cass,” I lie. That’s my street name. The one the drug dealers know me as, the one the whores know me as. “Don’t lie, Rose.” His voice is soft, but so hard. I don’t think a man like him would ever have to raise his voice, there’s so much authority there already. “If I tell you the truth, will you let me go?” He ponders my question, not giving me an answer straight away. His eyes look me over. Watching me as if he knows all the answers already. “Yes, the truth.” I nod my head. Dropping it, trying to think of a lie, but how far can I actually lie? He seems to know me. How much does he really know? How much can I lie about? “Thinking of a lie won’t help.” He just stands there, he doesn’t seem to move. So when he speaks, it pulls me so my eyes met up with his. “I was once known as Rose… before… before I was broken.” I hoped that was enough. I chance another look, but he’s waiting for more, he wants more. “I started the drugs to numb the pain, numb it all out of my existence. A person can only break so much before they’re truly broken.” He steps forward. I thought at first his hands were coming to touch me and that he may hurt me, but he doesn’t touch me once. He reaches out and undoes the cuff, dropping it to the ground, and then walks back out. I sit there, rubbing my wrist. Wondering why all of a sudden he would just let me walk away. Is it a trap? Where do I go? Where am I? I immediately use the toilet, and when I’m finished, I step a foot out of the threshold that has held me captive for so long. I look up. There’s a stairwell, and up the stairs the door is open. The smell of food wafting down to me makes my stomach grumble loudly. Across from my door is another door, leading to my freedom. I open the freedom door, contemplating my options. I could just leave, but where would I go? Who would want me? I don’t even know where I am. I look back up the stairs. Music is playing, it’s dark, sad music. I inch closer, the food and sound bringing me in. I take the stairs slow, not sure what I’m doing. The thought of food pushes me faster, taking any rational thoughts from my brain. He stands at the stove, still dressed as he was before. Boots still on his feet, he doesn’t look to me, doesn’t acknowledge me at all. Even when the floor creaks under my feet. He continues cooking, the music loud. I stand there, watching what he’s doing. He’s so silent and strong, the way he holds himself is different to most men. It’s scary and exhilarating. His hand moves from the stove top, the music is turned down, and then he speaks, making me jump. Startling me so badly my heart races so hard that I have to place my hand on my chest to make sure it’s still there. “Drinks are in the fridge,” he says, then turns the music back up. He knew I was there, but chose not to acknowledge me. Instead he scares the living shit out of me.

He’s standing right near it, so I elect to walk around the bench. He’s in the middle, the stove he cooks on has an island across from him. I choose to go around both so I can access the fridge. I open it and only see water, nothing else. I grab two bottles, placing one near the stove and then backing up, putting some distance between us. I chance a look around. The house is colorful. Words line every wall in graffiti. It makes me smile. I love graffiti. He catches me looking, now staring directly at me looking at his walls. I think I see a smirk, but it’s gone as quickly as it was there. He places a plate in front of me with chicken and vegetables lining the plate. My stomach rumbles. He hears and nods to the couch, picking up his own plate which contains the same food, but filled with more. He carries his plate to the couch, sits down and flicks on the television. He doesn’t watch it, though, it’s just noise to fill the room, much like his music that’s switched off now. I eat fast, chewing as quickly as possible to devour as much as I can. Soon my plate is empty, and the man next to me is still eating—half his plate still full. He slides it to me, standing and taking mine back to the kitchen. I eat his too. “Where are we?” I ask, finishing my last bite. He places his plate in the sink, looking at me. He leans on the counter, crossing his legs in front of him. “Lowood,” he replies, and I drop my plate. It shatters on the floor. He watches, his eyes taking in my reaction. I left this place years ago, never wanting to return, yet here I am in the house of a stranger.



CHAPTER 9 BLACK Shock radiates through her, I can see it on her now white face. She wasn’t expecting those words to leave my mouth. It makes me angry, her reaction to a place I once hoped she would return to. But now she’s looking for a way to run, to never look back again. It’s clear she has no idea who I am and in a way it makes me happy. But it also makes me mad, so incredibly angry. She doesn’t speak, but she looks around. Trying to work something out in her mind. I stand and watch her. She still looks sick, she isn’t healthy, her bones I can see sticking through her skin. Her face so tight, sucked in, and swollen. I wonder what happened to her to get her to this point, to get her to the place she was in now in her life. I shake my head. Fuck this, I wasn’t going back there. I think about saying something, anything. But no words come out. There’s nothing to say. My phone beeps, pulling me away from her. It’s a job I’ve been working on, and the location just came in for my next hit. I stand, leaving her there, not moving. Walking into my room and shutting the door behind me, I shut out emotions when I shut that door, locking them away like everything else. I pull my case from under my bed. It’s black, like everything else I own. So it’s not noticeable when you walk into my room. It’s a gun case and carries two guns—a handgun and a sniper rifle. I don’t use any other weapons, one or the other will work for me. It’s never messy what I do. I carry out the hit, get paid, no clean up necessary. I may leave a calling card, but I’m good at it. I change my boots to freshly cleaned ones. Leaving no trace is imperative. No trace of me whatsoever. I slide on a new jacket, then black gloves, grab my bag and walk out. Rose is now standing. She hears me come out and looks back to me. She’s looking through the window, staring out into the night sky. She looks peaceful for a moment, then it shatters when she sees me. Her face morphs, like I’m the bad guy. I am—I so am. She just doesn’t know to what extent. “Can I stay?” Her eyes beg me. “Just for the night,” she finishes. I point to the couch. She looks back, nodding her head, understanding my unspoken words. I take one final look around before I leave. She has gone back to looking out the window. I grab my phone and take off, heading toward my bike and tying down my case to the back. Usually I used my truck, but since Stella stole it and still hasn’t returned it, the bike will have to suffice. It’s quiet, so quiet when I reach the empty parking lot. The only sounds come from me—my bike as I bring it to a stop, my case as I open it, and my boots as they hit the cement. Tonight’s job is against someone in the government, someone who doesn’t want to get their hands dirty, but would hire lower level people to do what he couldn’t. Tonight that’s me. I walk to the edge of the two-story parking lot and look across, my target sitting in his office, leaning over his computer and stuffing his face with a donut. He’s a large, pudgy, and very unattractive. But that doesn’t mean anything. He’s to be taken out as he’d been poking his head in where it doesn’t belong. I don’t usually ask for the reasons, I tend to do it easy, better to not know who your intended target is. This

one, though, it was different. It was the government, so I wanted to know, needed to know why I was taking out someone so high up. His simple words were, “He’s interfering, causing drama. Kill him or I’ll find someone else.” He wired me half the payment that day to an untraceable account. One that could not be tracked back to either of us. I’d been waiting on a location since a few weeks ago since I saw Rose. I pull my gun from its case, lean on the cement wall and watch. I’m a clean shooter, I don’t need an audience. I don’t want an audience. He will be dead, and no one will ever see me. I’ve sat for hours sometimes, waiting for the right opportunity. It’s not a game of shoot and kill in what I do—it’s assess, carry out with no witnesses. It’s all about the right timing. I often wonder why I don’t have feelings for the person I kill. Wonder why I have no remorse, people usually have some sort of remorse. Maybe I am as evil as they say I am. He picks up the phone and speaks into it. Shaking his head like he’s having an argument, my finger is on the trigger, waiting, wanting to get this done. He seems to sense me, or maybe he even knows that I’m there. He looks up, phone in one hand, donut in the other, and looks straight at me. At first I think he can see me, but there’s no light here, no way he can see me. But his eyes tell me otherwise. I don’t wait for the phone to disconnect, so I take aim and shoot. Blood oozes from his chest, staining his white shirt crimson red. His head is back, the impact from the bullet slouching him in his chair, his eyes staying open. The dead all seem to have the same look, like they’re glad—glad for it be over. It’s disturbing, but also comforting. I pull my card from my pocket, my gloves still covering my hands. I drop it to the floor from where I shot him, watching as the splatter of black blood sticks to the floor. The card is white, covered with a splatter of black. I don’t stand there any longer than necessary. I disassemble my gun, place it back in the case. Pick up the spent shells, wipe down any areas I touched, slide my gloves back on and walk back to my bike. I usually dispose of the bodies I kill so nothing can be traced back to my clients or me. Except this client requested I not do so—he wanted this man to be found. As a warning? I wasn’t sure. Stella is standing at my truck when I make it back home. I cut the engine from the bike, stand and remove my case. She eyes it curiously. Then her eyes look back up to me. She doesn’t seem as pissed as she was when she left, her stance now more relaxed. I walk to her slowly, and stand directly in front of her. She drops her smoke to the ground and blows the remainder in my face. “Stella.” “I brought your car back,” she says, nodding to behind her. “I see that.” “I missed you.” Her hand touches my chest. I place mine on top of it, stopping it from moving further. “You have to leave,” I tell her, my voice not raised. Her face contours like I’ve slapped her. “Is she in the house now?” she snaps, snatching her hand back. I don’t feel the need to answer or even get into an argument about it. I grab my keys from the truck and walk off. I’m not allowing her to take it again. “You can’t just leave me here!” she shouts after me.

“Call someone whose bed you frequent!” I yell. She swears at me and I choose to ignore her. Walking back into my house, I shut the door and lock it behind me. Turning on the kitchen light, it illuminates the living room, where Rose is currently asleep. She stirs like my presence is noticeable. She rolls into the couch, her face now tucked away. I want to stand there and learn more about her. I want to know why. But instead I walk to my room, shutting the door and lying down. Letting the demons take me away in my sleep.



CHAPTER 10 ROSE He’s so familiar, and yet so foreign. I’m not quite sure how to understand him, or even read him. He seems cold, uncaring, and his actions dictate that. Why did he help me? Why did he feel the need to help me? He doesn’t seem like the caring type. He leans on the bench, dressed in his black suit, sipping his coffee. He doesn’t speak to me when I sit across from him, his beautiful eyes don’t even land on me. I stare at him longer than necessary, taking him in, drinking him in. He’s someone who’d turn heads, but you’d be afraid to walk up to. He looks me up and down, from my feet to my head, stopping there and staring at me. Assessing me maybe? It makes my whole body sing, his eyes on me. “Do you want to know?” I manage to squeak out, trying to break whatever it is that’s happening here. Twitching in my chair, I don’t want to tell him. I feel like I owe him an explanation as to why I’m the way I am, and that I’m not usually this way, never have been. Until him, until the man that destroyed me. He continues to sip his coffee, reading the paper, totally ignoring me. “I was in love once,” I whisper. At first I think he doesn’t hear me, or perhaps he’s continuing to ignore me, but when I look up his eyes are on me. Tight, zoning in on me. He seems angry, and then replaces it straight away that you would miss it if you weren’t looking closely. His straight demeanor is back. “I met him when I was eighteen, and he was my world. He promised me things, gave me things. I believed everything he said. He was good…” I let that last word hang on the edge of my tongue. It feels odd to say that about Roger. He’s anything but good now. “You became a druggie and a prostitute because of a man?” His lip twitches, like he thinks I’m being ridiculous. It makes me angry. How can he assume to have those thoughts of me? He has a right to, though, to say it to me like that. Hurts more than I will admit to. “Thank you for everything you’ve done, I’m going to leave now.” I stand, placing on the shoes that his brunette left for me and walk to the door. I want to look back, to see those eyes, that beard, that hair, that body one last time. I choose not to and simply walk out. He doesn’t say anything. I expected something, but got nothing. Not even a goodbye. I feel so angry at him, I just don’t understand why. I don’t know him, shouldn’t expect anything from him. He hasn’t been loving. He’s just cold, with a touch of soft. I walk past the house and start walking down the long driveway. A noise comes from behind me. It gets closer, and when it reaches me I see it’s Black sitting in his truck, looking at me with sunglasses covering his eyes. He nods his head to the passenger side of the car, so I walk around and climb in. I hide the smile, the smile that creeps up onto my face with the thought that maybe he cares more than he shows. His words don’t comfort me at all. They are the truth and they

hurt. His actions, though, they are something entirely different. I ask him where we’re going, but I get no answer. It’s like he chooses silence over company, and I wonder if there’s anyone he openly talks to. He drives me to a train station and just sits. I look out the window and watch the trains moving, going either way. Some covered in graffiti, some newer. I open the door, turning back to him his hand slides over, dropping money next to me. I pick it up, knowing what I want to do with it, but knowing better. It’s time, it’s time I fight for me, for what’s mine. He helped me get to this point. I don’t know how he did it, or why he did it. Someone showing the slightest kindness has put power in me. I haven’t been shown kindness in such a long time and it’s taken me by surprise. Even if, at first, it was wrong. It worked, he worked. His hands go back to the steering wheel and he looks straight ahead, his sunglasses covering his eyes. I grab the money, go to step out, and decide to thank him. I turn and words fall flat on my lips. I don’t know how to, so I lean up, placing my hands on the seat, and kiss his cheek. He flinches, and his head turns to me fast. I give him a shy smile. My face is still very close, and he smells good, like the ocean, so refreshing. I could smell that scent forever and never get sick of it. I move back, open the door and climb out. I take a few steps to the tracks and turn to see if he’s still in the same position—he is. He hasn’t moved, he’s watching me, eyes still covered with his sunglasses. I lift my hand slightly, giving him a wave and continue walking away, away from a man who’s scary and dark, but so beautiful.

The train ride is long and I sleep for most of it. A man haunts my dreams—Black. It was a pleasant change. Usually my dreams are terribly bad memories. Ones that got me into the position I’m in, in the first place. The train announces my stop, and I stand to stretch my legs, looking down at my hands and cringe. I’m so skinny, everything about me is. I was never like this, always had meat on my body. I had curves and good sized breasts. But it all seems to have gone. I catch a cab to his office. It’s still daylight. My best option is to stop in there, as people will be present and he can’t hurt me in the daylight hours. The cab stops, and I look up at the tall building, my heart beating furiously out of my chest. I haven’t seen him for almost two years, two long years of getting lost in drugs and alcohol. I wasn’t always addicted. I do, however, have an addictive personality, meaning I can fall into addiction quicker and faster than others. He knew this, knew so much about me. Used it all against me. Each step I take into the building is like a knife to the heart, each step as painful as the next. Will he even be here? Of course he will, he never misses work. It’s his top priority. Once I thought that was me. How stupid I was. Arriving at the elevator, I push the twenty-fourth floor while I watch people step in. Some look me up and down. I’m not dressed to be in a building such as this. I don’t have on a suit or an expensive pair of shoes. We stop at the floor just before his, and a woman steps in. She’s beautiful, and she looks at me with sorrow. I don’t want her pitying look so I glance away, avoiding her stare. My dress is too big, the shoes I have on just fit me, and my hair’s up in a messy bun. I shouldn’t be here. I should have come when I was better prepared and had worked up enough courage to see him. To stand up to him.

The elevator dings, and the lady that looked at me smiles on her way out. She has on a business skirt which comes up to her waist. Her shirt is loose at the top and tucked in. Shoes are high, and her hair immaculate. I watch as she walks away, then I step off and just look around. There aren't many people working on this floor. Roger has three other workers—his two receptionists and his partner in crime who’s as evil as him. I start toward his office. It’s the last one right at the back. The receptionist looks up at me and I turn my head to his office. I can see him… he’s kissing a woman, the woman from the elevator. His hands on her back, pulling her to him. I stop and take a look around. The receptionist is now standing, giving me an odd look. I manage a weak smile and run back to the elevator. I can’t do this. Not yet. Not here.



CHAPTER 11 ROSE I don’t know where to go, or what to do. I stand outside his building lost, unsure of my next step. I have a mother, she lives close by, but I’m too afraid to see her. Afraid of what she thinks of me. I haven’t spoken to her in years. Last time I did it wasn’t nice, it was anything but. A hand touches my shoulder, so I jump and spin around. Casey stands there looking at me up and down. Casey was once my best friend, someone I thought I’d never lose, but I did. I lost everyone. “Rose,” she whispers like she can’t believe she’s just uttered those words. I don’t confirm or say a word. She reaches for my hand, takes it and pulls me to her. It’s so unexpected, so unlike her. I stand there with my hands to my side, not touching her while she squeezes me tight. She pulls back, still touching me. She looks much the same—long brown hair, brown eyes. She’s taller than I remember until I look down and see the high heels on her feet. So unlike the last time I saw her, the girl that was on a bar, swinging her hips, enticing the men. A catch a glimpse on her hand, there’s a large sparkling ring on it—she’s engaged. She notices my stare and pulls her hand up. “I know, never expected it from me.” She laughs, but it’s not her usual laugh, it’s quite forced. “Can we have lunch?” She looks across the street and points to a restaurant. I’m not sure if I want to, but my belly growls loudly, reminding me I need to eat. Why is it so hard to remember to eat? “I take that as a yes. Come on, my treat.” She starts walking and I follow. Unsure of why, but the thought of food being the main reason I suspect. She takes a seat in the small café and orders for us straight up. She orders me carbonara and herself a toasted sandwich. Drinks are put in front of us, and she leans forward on her hands and looks me over. It makes me uncomfortable. What’s she seeing? Someone who’s so down and broken? Or someone willing to fight for what they want? “I still can’t believe it’s you.” Her smile picks up, but my face stays the same. “It’s been years, you just disappeared,” she continues, and my face scrunches up. She can’t be serious, can she? I told her about him, about Roger. No one believed me. “Did you see Roger?” “Yes.” I did see him but didn’t talk to him. “Good, he was so worried after you left.” Her smile drops like she actually believes the bullshit she’s spewing from her mouth. “Oh, I’m sure he was just distraught.” My voice is full of sarcasm and she picks it up. Her back straightens in her chair. “He denies it all, you know…” she pauses when the food comes, “…I asked him, repeatedly. I know, for a fact, you’d have never just up and left like that.”

“Why do you sound like he’s the prince that walks on glass then? Because he isn’t, he is far from it…” My words are becoming meaner, I’m getting angrier as I trail off. I look to my food and start eating. She hasn’t touched hers. She just looks at me in shock. “You didn’t give me much choice, you just left. He was the only one who knew where you went. Why would you leave and not tell anyone?” I place my fork in the bowl, sick of defending him like I used to, tired of making people think I was in the wrong and he was in the right. “Because he got rid of me, made me run. He’s evil.” “How, Rose? I don’t understand.” Her head shakes back and forth and I want to reach over and grab it and make her look, to make her see. My arm comes up, showing her the inside of my arm. She yelps, her eyes taking in all the track marks. Her hand flies up and covers her mouth. “You’re a druggie?” Her eyes are wide in disbelief. “Yes,” I spit at her. She looks at me properly now, noticing my sunken cheeks, my protruding bones. “What does your drug problem have to do with Roger?” she asks, finally working things out. “He held me down, inserted it into me for days, then weeks, then months. Until the point where I’d do anything for a hit.” I pull my arm back, touching the marks and hoping one day they’ll leave my body. “How... how?” she stutters. “I tried to tell you, that day you kicked me out of your house.” “You wanted money, Rose. Money for that!” She points to my hidden arm. “I needed help. Help which you didn’t want to give me.” I shake my head at her. She’s so wrong. “You were high every time I saw you?” she screeches. I choose not to answer that. I continue eating my food in silence, and she does the same. No words are spoken until we’re finished eating. “Where are you staying?” Her voice is soft now. I shrug my shoulders. I haven’t worked that out yet, I didn’t get very far. “Stay with me.” My head shoots up at her. She can’t be serious. The last time I saw her she shut the door in my face and told me to never come back. “Just one night,” I agree. I do need somewhere to sleep. The streets are cold at night, and I don’t want to try my luck with Roger. Who knows what he’ll do to me. “As long as you want, Rose.”

Her house is much the same. It’s nightfall and I’m watching her make dinner as she talks about her mysterious man. Her home is a one story very basic house—white walls, cream sofas, no pictures on the walls. “When is your fiancé due home?” We’ve been chatting about life, well, her life. Nothing much, just how she works now at an office in the same building as Roger. She doesn’t elaborate on that, she stopped when she mentioned his name, pausing looking at me then carrying on. “Any minute now,” she beams with the thought of him. “What does he do?” All I know is that she’s in love with this man and that he’s nothing like her previous relationships.

“He owns his own business, works odd hours, sometimes he’s gone nights. But he said he was excited to meet you. I told him all about you.” I cringe. I’ve known Casey for six years. I was never as bad as I was toward the end. I thought when she saw me in a place that was so wrong, that my spoken words she would have believed the truth. She didn’t, she slammed the door in my face, never wanting to see me again. She was my best friend, the only person I had left, and then the door slammed on that part of my life. A door slams, Casey squeals and runs toward it leaving me sitting at the bench. I hear kissing, whispers, and then they walk in. He’s not what I expected. I thought he’d be someone more like Roger, someone who’s fake, but he isn’t, I can tell straight away. He sizes me up, looks at me with questioning eyes. He’s tall, almost as tall as Black. His head is shaven, he’s built, but looks very dangerous. His jeans are ripped, his shirt is tight, showcasing his muscles. He has on black boots which remind me of Black’s. Why is he in my head? He tied me to a bed for fuck’s sake. But he also saved me. “You a druggie, girl?” he asks, stepping closer. I feel like I want to sink into the chair and hide. “Sax,” Casey says, embarrassed. “Yes,” I reply, looking straight up to him. There’s no need to deny it, it’s evident by the way I look. “You need to leave,” he says, stepping back, waving his hand to the door. I stand and Casey screams, “No!” “She isn’t going anywhere.” She looks back to me. “Sit back down. Please,” she adds, then pulls Sax away. They disappear, words are spoken, raised and rushed. I sit there, unsure of what to do. Maybe I should go, it might be easier than dealing with this. Then he walks back in, without Casey, making me nervous. He tucks his hands into his pocket, raises his head until we’re eye to eye. “I don’t know you, but Casey seems to think you’re a good person. Though the scars on your arms are evidence that might not be correct.” My hand snakes up and tries to cover them. He notices and follows my movements. “She told me vaguely…” he pauses, searching my face for something, “…about Roger.” My body shudders. I can still feel his eyes on me. Watching, trying to form an opinion of me. “You’re staying, Rose, no matter what he says,” Casey says, walking past her man and pointing her thumb at him. “I don’t want to cause trouble,” I mumble. I don’t, no matter our differences. “No trouble,” she says, brushing it off with her hand and going back to cooking. Sax takes a seat next to me. Not close, but just so I know he’s there. “Where have you been?” he asks me, watching Casey. I think he’s talking to her until he turns to me. “She said she hasn’t seen you for quite some time.” “In Lowood.” Casey gasps. Sax looks to her and then back to me. “Why?” she asks, leaving the stove and walking to me. She leans over then bench and looks at me, waiting for me to answer. “I don’t remember much, it was a pretty low time. But there was a man, he helped me.” Casey smiles. “What man?” “I don’t know him, but he seems familiar,” I mumble, thinking about his eyes. The way he watched me

seemed so… “What’s his name, woman?” she says excitedly. “Black,” I answer. Sax swears next to me, making us turn to face him. “He’s not the helping kind, sweetheart,” he says, shaking his head. “No, but he did.” I look to him. “You know who he is?” He nods. “Yes, and if you are trying to improve, he’s not someone you want in your life. Blackness surrounds Black.”



CHAPTER 12 BLACK Stella is here, she’s always here. I can’t seem to rid her. No matter how harsh my words, no matter the number of times I reject her, she doesn’t leave. She’s on my couch, naked, with only heels on her feet. She’s laying down, her heels up on the edge. Wanting something from me, something I can’t give her. I didn’t come last time, I couldn’t. I turn my back to her. I hear her disdain. Just choosing to not acknowledge it. “Put your clothes on.” I pick up my phone, not even bothering to turn around to face her. I have several messages, most from numbers I don’t know, probably requesting work. “Black,” she moans, and I turn around to look at her. She didn’t even bother heeding my request. She’s now touching herself, and my dick bounces. But nothing more comes from it. I turn to leave, stopping in front of her and grabbing the blanket to throw over her. She stops, and as I begin to leave a shoe is thrown at my head, barely missing me. “I will leave and never come back!” she yells after me. I stop on my stairs. She’s now standing at my door, watching me. I turn slowly. “Please do,” I say then continue walking. The shoe hits me on the head this time. But I don’t stop, I keep walking until I’m in my truck and pull away.

I’m meeting Jake in the city tonight. And as I pull up, I see his Harley parked in the street. It gleams, brightly polished. I step out and see him automatically through the doors. He’s sitting with two other men, his posture straight, not relaxed in the slightest. He isn’t comfortable, that much I can tell before I even step in. The hostess asks for my jacket. I dismiss her and continue walking to Jake. His body seems to relax at the slightest sight of me. I sit next to him, across from two men in suits. One doesn’t even look up to acknowledge my presence. The other stares at me intently. I stare back, and he starts to smirk. I don’t. “Black, these men require your service.” I look to him, then back to the men. Both are now looking at me. Waiting for me to reply. “Jake,” I warn. He knows my answer. I don’t deal with people who meet with me. That’s how trouble is caused, accusations happen. Blame. “It’s a favor for the club,” he murmurs. I shake my head. I’m not doing this, it’s not happening. He may be one of my closest mates, but I’m sick of cleaning up for the club, too many times that shit has happened. “It’s not happening!” I go to stand and the man in the blue suit stands with me. He looks me directly in the eyes.

“I need this done. Clean. Fast. You can do that! I have heard of you. Just do it and I will pay you double.” My head shakes again, and his face morphs to angry. It doesn’t bother me. These men, these types of men, they’re lazy. They think killing a scorned lover or a work rival will fix all their problems. It won’t, and I won’t deal with it, even if the money is good. I don’t stand there any longer and listen to any more pleas. I walk out and head straight to my truck. A hand grips my shoulder, making me turn. I know who it is already. If I didn’t and someone touched me that in way they’d be on the floor. “Hands.” I clench and Jake backs up a step. Seeing how it makes me feel, he shows his hands in surrender. “Drink, we need a drink,” he says, nodding his head to a dive bar across the street. I want to go back home. Hopefully it’ll be quiet. No Stella there. Though I won’t bet on my luck. “Stella still whoring around?” Jake asks as we slide onto the stools in front of the bar. He nods to the bartender for two beers and I shake my head. “She’s a stage ten clinger, and I don’t even let her touch me.” He bursts out laughing. “You don’t let anyone touch you. But seriously, you want me to come around and ride her?” He leans in close, waiting for my answer. “If she’s there when I return, I’ll call you.” His head bounces up and down while the beers are set in front of us. “I fucked this bitch last night. She was like a fucking gymnast, man. Ever been with a gymnast?” he asks excitedly. I shake my head as he’s way too excited. “So anyway, got the bitch doggy style, she’s taking it good from behind when I lift her ass up in the air higher. You wanna know what she does?” He leans in close, a smirk touches my lips. “She does the splits, mid-air, cock buried deep inside of her, like holy mother fucken shit…” His head shakes back and forth. “Gymnast, ha?” I ask, trying to contain my smirk. This fucker is way too excited. “Yeah, I fucked her three times, three motherfucking times without the help of any drugs. The way she bends…” he whistles loudly, “…had me going back for more.” “You’re a stallion, three times my man, a new record.” I tap his back and he shrugs me away. “What? You did it more than three times?” he questions. “More,” I mutter, picking up my beer and putting to my lips. “How many more?” he questions, waiting for my answer. “Many more.” I smile. “Fuck you, Black,” he says, nodding to the bartender. My phone beeps and I look down reading the text. Unknown Number: I know I shouldn’t contact you. But thank you so much. Rose.



CHAPTER 13 ROSE He never wrote back and it’s been days. I expected something, anything. But I got nothing. I’ve been staying at Casey’s, our friendship is on the mend, and even her fiancé has warmed up to me. He was the one that gave me Black’s number, but not to use it excessively, just to say what I needed and then I should delete it. Some days are hard, so much harder than others. Some days I feel the need, the need to sell everything I own and buy what I need. The hit, the high. I was hired and am now working at the local ice cream shop. It’s simple, nothing drastic, but it’s helping keep me distracted until I can achieve what I need to. Casey has also spoken to my mother. She said that she wants to see me and that I should go and see her. I don’t know if I can. I need to feel better about myself first by trying to get my body and health back. I’m still way too skinny, too unhealthy. Though thanks to all Casey’s and Sax’s cooking so far all that’s changing. I can feel the clothes that I came with are fitting a little tighter, the dress now hugging instead of hanging on me. Casey had a few of my old clothes which she gave me. They’re still too big, but slowly I will get back into them. I have to start work in an hour, so I decide to leave now. I don’t want to burden anyone, so I choose to catch a bus and walk the rest of the way. It’s not too far from Casey’s and is within walking distance. Once I get off the bus, it’s about a fifteen-minute walk to the shop. I stop along the way, admiring clothes in the boutique stores when my phone beeps. I look down and see that it’s my mother asking to see me. She’s sent that same message twice already and I still haven’t responded. A hand lands on me, my foot misses its next step and I almost fall forward into hard and lean muscle. With my hands now on his abs, my nails almost digging in, I hear a sharp intake like I’m hurting him. I look up, and the man I see makes me gasp. “Black?” I whisper, his face looks stricken and pained. He looks down and I notice my hands still on him, touching him, so I quickly remove them and his body relaxes instantly. Was me touching him that bad? “Rose,” he says, stepping back so we aren’t so close together anymore. “I messaged you,” I say, not knowing what else to talk about. “I know.” My head shoots up to stare at his face, sunnies covering over his eyes. “You got it?” I ask in disbelief. I look at him. I always seem to be lost in his appeal. Appeal I’m sure he doesn’t even know he possesses. Always dressed the same, though, a black suit, a silver watch, white shirt, and black boots. So mouth-wateringly gorgeous. “Yes.” “Why didn’t you write back?”

“I don’t deal with phones, they’re for business purposes only,” he says, like that’s the only answer I will get. “Okay…” I mutter, looking behind him. I need to continue walking so I won’t be late. “You working?” he asks, finally looking at me, noticing the outfit I have on. It’s a pinstriped skirt and blouse top in red and white. “Yes, and I can’t be late for my second shift,” I say, stepping to the side to go around him. “I’ll walk you then.” I start walking, Black keeping up beside me. “You’re very full on,” I say, more to myself than him. “How so?” I look to him, his eyes straight ahead. I can feel that he’s well aware of my stare though, like he knows it’s there. Though he chooses not to acknowledge it. “You’re different, mysterious, dangerous, but kind.” I list the things I already know about him. “I’m anything but kind, Rose.” I stop and turn to face him. He goes to keep on walking, but notices I’ve stopped and faces me. “You are. Why would you think otherwise?” He leans in close, so close his breath is on my ear before he talks, “You would hide and wish you’d never met me if you knew the truth. Let’s leave it at that, shall we?” He stands up tall and continues to walk and I run to catch up with him. “It’s best if you don’t contact me again,” he says, stopping outside the shop where I work. I give him a puzzled look. Like that will happen. He’s somehow stuck in my head, like a lion trapped in a cage just waiting for its escape. “Okay,” I mutter, walking into the shop, trying my hardest not to look back.

My shift is almost over. I’m working with a teenager, and he has more experience than me, which kind of makes me sad. Luckily he’s nice and helps me when I have no idea what I’m doing. A ding chimes, letting us know that customers have just walked into the store. I move to make my way out the front and just as I do I hear his voice, laughing loudly. I stop, looking around painfully for Brett. He’s sitting on a stool, playing a game on his phone. I wave to him, hoping he’ll look up. I don’t want to yell out. I’m sure he’d recognize my voice if I speak. Roger sings out hello from the front. Brett looks up, searching around for me. When he spots me, I point and mouth for Brett to serve him. He gives me an odd look, looks back to me then to the front again. I place my hands in a begging position and he finally stands and serves Roger. I stand there, listening to what he says, how sweetly he talks to his new girlfriend, and knowing it’s all lies. I cringe when he calls her baby, and I tremor when I hear him tell her he loves her. I want to choke when he kisses her. It’s not from affection or jealousy—it’s pure hatred that I have for this man now, nothing but hate. I sit there until they leave, I stay there even when Brett comes back, giving me a confused look. “You don’t want to serve Mr. Roger?” he asks, using his first name. This time it’s my turn to give him an odd look. “You know Roger?” I ask, confused now.

“Yes, he’s a regular. Comes in nearly every weekend.” I groan as my hands fly to my face. Just my luck. “Look, your shift is almost over. Why don’t you just head off and I will close up?” I thank him and make my way out, noticing Casey waiting for me in her car out the front. She smiles and waves me over. “Did he see you?” These are the first words that leave her mouth. Of course she saw him. “No.” I shake my head back and forth. “Well, I came to get you because we have a dinner guest,” she pipes up, starting the car and driving. “Who?” I ask her. “The man you said saved you… Black.”



CHAPTER 14 BLACK She looked better, her color has come back to her. Her eyes aren’t as dull as they once were. She’s putting on weight, her tits are filling out, her hips gaining roundness. I watch as she walks away from me and out of my life again. It's starting to feel like a never ending cycle—in again, out again. As I walk back to my truck I feel the stares of people looking at me. I’m used to it. I walk as though I don’t want company, which is true. I don’t. I turn, feeling eyes on me, and see someone I haven’t seen for a very long time. He looks exactly the same as he always does—bald, built, and intimidating. He walks directly to me, nods his head, and looks me up and down. “You here to see her?” he asks, his head nodding over in Rose’s location. That must be where she got my number, Sax has it for jobs he can’t complete due to his work. “You gave it to her?” I question him, already knowing the answer. He nods. We stand there in an uncomfortable silence until he finally says something. “Dinner at mine at six?” he asks. I give him a puzzled look. We don’t socialize, it’s not the way I roll with him. “Rose will be there,” he adds. I think about it. Do I want to see her again? I know the answer to that straight away. Of course I do. But should I? That’s probably a no. “Text me the info,” I say, walking past him. I didn’t just come into town just for this meet, I came to see my clean-up crew. The ones that clean up the dirty things after I’ve finished the worst of it.

“John,” I call out as I enter. His head pops out and he continues chewing on his sandwich. He waves me in and I follow. Dead bodies line the morgue and he’s eating? I may be able to kill, torture, or maim someone, but eating around dead bodies is not my thing. “You got payment?” he asks, shoveling the last of the sandwich in his mouth and wiping his hands on his coat. I pull out a stack of cash, and he smiles with his mouth full as walks over to it. “I just cremated the last one. How many more this week?” He counts the money while talking to me. I met John one night when I was younger and new to the game. He offered me his services when he heard what I did, though it comes with a hefty price tag. To have this advantage where no one actually finding remains anywhere is a bonus, and the authorities would not think to look in a morgue. So I owe him big, hence the reason I pay him big. “None,” I tell him. He stops counting and looks up to me. “You turning a new leaf?” he jokes, but he may be possibly right.

“Business is slow,” I say, not letting my thoughts show. He nods his head and points to a bag of ashes. “You want them?” I look at the bag of ashes that used to contain a living, breathing person and shake my head. By the time I’ve finished at the morgue, I drive to the address Sax sent me. I think about turning back several times. Not going, but a pull I do not understand draws me in that direction. So when I pull up and Sax is waiting out the front for me with a beer in his hand and a smoke between his lips, I hope I’ve made the right decision. He hands me one and I take a seat on the veranda across from him. He doesn’t say anything, just passes me a beer and looks out. “I got engaged,” he states. I nod my head, having no idea what he expects me to say. “Don’t bring up what you do,” he warns me. He needn’t worry about that, I never do anyway. Sax works in the security business for rich businessmen clientele. I met him through a job. We didn’t talk much, just the basics. It was a job, no reason to become friends. He always seemed to have an edge, one where he could be one of your worst nightmares if he chose to be. I respected that, respected his work. It doesn’t come easy, the line of work he’s in. Mine, well, it does come easy, but not many people can do it for as long as I have and still maintain the professionalism and exceptionalism I possess. “I like her, I see why you do,” he says after a moment of silence. A car pulls up. Sax stands and walks down to a short brunette who slides out from the driver’s seat. She looks up at me and smiles and waves. I don’t return the action and watch the passenger who hasn’t moved. Her eyes are glued on me though. The brunette urges Rose out of the car. Eventually she climbs out and stands, slowly walking toward me. She looks unsure now, weaker than she was when I saw her last. “What’s wrong?” I immediately ask, thinking the worst. Her eyes look up at me, then back to the ground. “I need…” she starts to say and swings her head back to where her friend stands with Sax. “Come,” I say, reaching for her hand and holding it tight. I practically drag her to my car, opening the door and letting her in. When I shut the door, I turn to see Sax and her friend staring at us wide eyed. I don’t acknowledge them, and walk around to the driver’s side and drive away. “You need a hit?” I ask her, and she starts twitching with her hands, playing with them. She looks up at me and nods her head. “I didn’t… didn’t until he came in.” Her head starts to shake. “How will I ever get better if just seeing him makes me want to go to that dark place again?” I can hear the pain in her voice, the internal struggle she’s currently fighting within herself. I don’t know who exactly she’s talking about, though I guess it’s the man she once loved. “You told me,” I say, trying to think of somewhere to drive us so I can distract her from the want. I would like to fuck her, fuck her so hard that all she will crave will be me, but I won’t. “I trust you,” she whispers. It’s weird for someone to say those words to me. They have never been said. For me it’s usually fear, terror, anger. Never trust. “You shouldn’t,” I say, pulling off to the side of the road and stopping at a train station. It’s familiar. I climb out grabbing spray cans of paint. She sits in the truck, thinking on my words while I swing her door open, telling her to climb out. She does and stops, staring at me. “You don’t scare me, and don’t tell me not to trust you.” She has a determination in her voice. “You’re

the only person… the only person that has helped me without expecting anything in return. Do you know that? Do you?” Anger—I feel it radiating from her. I like it. “Every man has wanted something for something, whether it be drugs for sex, sex for money. I haven’t had one single person care for me, or even my whereabouts for two damn years, Black!” she screams the last part, and a tear slides down her cheek. She’s trying to be strong, trying to mask the fact that she can be weak. “Two years,” she whispers. I pick her chin up with my fingers, her eyes shine brightly with wetness as she looks at me. The pain of not having anyone love her, or care about her, evident in her eyes. I got used to that a long time ago and it was hard. But she shouldn’t have to, there’s nothing wrong with her, nothing at all. “Distraction time,” I say, passing her a can of spray paint. She looks at it and actually smiles. I gaze around to make sure no one is here before I drag her to the empty train on the tracks. She laughs when I stumble over a rock, not being able to see clearly in the dark. “You’re quite cute when you’re mad.” She giggles like a girl. “I am not cute, Rose.” “You so are, Black,” she says, a smile evident on her face. I shake my head and chuck the lid from the paint can down to the ground. I start tagging her name—red for a red rose when I hear her gasp. I turn to look at her and watch as she drops the can, taking a step backward, away from me. Evidence of who I am is written all over her now stricken face. “You…” she says accusingly. “Me…” I smile at her, finally being able to tell her the truth of who I am.



CHAPTER 15 ROSE It’s exactly the same, exactly the same writing and color from when I was sixteen. The same boy who drew it last time is standing as a man in front of me, and I didn’t even know. I’ve thought about him for years, the one that always sticks with you. You know how you meet someone and there’s an instant attraction at the first sight? He was attractive, the best-looking guy in school, but the one no one wanted to be around. He had a bad name, a dangerous name. He hung with the bad crowds, and kids were warned not to go near him. So they didn’t. He was always by himself, never talking or mingling with anyone. Then one night, I lost my grandmother. My heart broke—shattered to a million pieces—and I ran into the night, stopping at the park. That’s when I met him, beautiful and broken, just as I was that night. So beautiful, but yet so completely destroyed. He’s now a man, an exquisitely handsome man. One that chose not to tell me who he was. One that looks at me for the very first time with a smile. A smirk if you will. Like he can’t believe I’ve just put it all together. “You look so different,” I say, my hand lifting of its own accord, wanting to touch his face. My palm softens under his cheek, his breath comes in heavy bursts. I watch his eyes squeeze closed like my hand is burning him and it’s painful to have my touch. I quickly remove it. His eyes open, and his hand touches where my hand just was. “Still feel the need?” he asks, and I shake my head. I don’t think it’s even in my head anymore. All that’s there in this moment is filled with him. “No,” I whisper. “It’s really you?” We shared such a connection. I’ve never shared a connection with someone so strong. I was so young and I didn’t understand it. I knew I liked him, more than any of the other boys my age. Boys didn’t interest me back then, but he did and I didn’t understand why. Was it the bad boy cliché I wanted? Or was it purely him? “You remember me?” he asks, searching my eyes. “How could I forget?” “People tend to forget me. It’s in their nature.” My heart breaks. I believe his words, believe people do. What fools they are. What pitiful, shameful fools! “Never.” My head shakes back and forth. I want to touch him again, but I don’t get the chance as he turns his head and finishes tagging my name. I just stand there and watch. He adds a black rose, a black rose the same as he added last time we were together. I understand it better now. He’s black, and I’m the rose. “I want to touch you,” I say, now inches from his back. I can smell him. He smells deliriously delicious. I want to hold him, bury my head in his chest and listen to his heart, taking in his scent all day. My hand reaches out, his body turns around. My hand touches his chest and his eyes watch mine, I notice the restraint he’s holding. I’m barely touching him, my hand only feathering his chest. I don’t quite

understand it. Understand how someone could not want the basic human instinct of touch. He seems to think it’s poisonous. A touch that seems painfully real to him, like my touch will inflict nothing but pain. My hand holds tighter, clinging to him even more. I take a step forward. Closing the distance between us, his hand places itself on top of mine, holding me to him. His now dark green eyes with dark specs through them don’t look me in the face. He looks anywhere and everywhere but at my face. My second hand goes up and I place it above his heart. He flinches and steps backward so fast that I’m left standing with my hands in the air. “We can’t do that,” he says, walking away, back to the car. I look back at my name, then the rose. A smile forms on my face, and then I follow him back to the car. We drive in silence. He stares straight ahead, never sparing me a glance. I can’t keep my eyes off of him. He gives me butterflies in a good kind of way. His looks, his mystery, his presentation. All of it draws me in, and again, I think it’s the cliché bad boy thing I’m looking for. I double guess myself, because I don’t even see that when I look at him. I see a man, a man who cares, even when he shouldn’t. A man who’s broken, but will fix others. A man that hides in all his blackness, even taking the name to seem deadlier, which I’m sure he doesn’t need. “Liam,” I finally say his name, that name hasn’t left my lips for ten years. It feels good. His head swings to me, and his face tightens. “It’s Black,” he says, correcting me, then turning back to the road. “Not to me you’re not. Just Liam…” I smile, feeling giddy. Why does he give me those feelings? He catches me smiling, shakes his head, and turns into Casey’s driveway. He stops and doesn’t move, doesn’t even turn the car off. “I think it's best if we don’t contact each other. Lose my number,” he says, keeping his eyes peeled ahead. I open the door, stepping out. I turn to him before I shut the door, but he doesn’t look at me. “Not happening,” I reply. His head swings to me and I slam the door and walk to the front door. I hear him pull away with a tire squeal just as I open the door. “Where have you been? I’ve been ringing you non-stop,” she cries, wrapping her arms around me. She seems worried, it makes me feel wanted that she may actually care more than she did previously. “Didn’t take my phone. No one usually cares where I am anyway.” She pulls me back, her face now in my face. Sax is behind her and shakes his head at her, but smiles. “Of course I care. For all I know, that fine piece of ass could’ve taken you to the woods and chopped you into tiny pieces,” she huffs out, releasing me, crossing her arms over her chest. “He does have a fine ass, doesn’t he?” I smile, which pulls a smile from her. “Yeah, and all that dark and ‘don’t fuck with me’ exterior actually makes him that much hotter.” She fans herself dramatically and Sax grunts from behind her. “He’s dangerous,” Sax says, standing, not moving. Casey waves a hand at him, blowing him off. “They said the same about you, and look where we are now… I’m knocked up with a ring on my finger.” Her hand flies to her mouth, and she turns to me biting her lip and worry lines appearing on her forehead. “I’m so sorry, Rose,” she says. I wave her off. “Its fine, don’t worry. I’m happy for you.” I smile. She knows my situation with Roger. The bastard. “You’re pregnant?” Sax asks, clearly shocked. Casey’s eyes go furiously wide in front of me. “Whoops…” she says, turning around. “Sorry, baby, I planned to tell you tonight.” I sneak past them and

go to the spare room, which I can’t stay in for much longer now, now that she’ll be having a baby of her own. I hear Sax cheer and Casey giggle in delight. I lay on my bed, smiling at them and pick up my phone, planning to send one last message before I drift off to sleep. Me: When can I see you again? Can we meet up? Please. x



CHAPTER 16 BLACK “You…” he stutters, shock coating his face. He doesn’t know me but knows of me. Knew I was here for him, to take him away from this thing he calls a life. My gun is in my left hand, my finger on the trigger, ready to be pulled. “Why?” he asks, looking around desperately for help. There’s no one here. I made sure of that before I set this up. This hit is my only one this week. I didn’t lie to my body man when I told him I’d be taking things slower. My phone hasn’t stopped. My name and number are being spread faster—almost time to change the number I think. I don’t know his story, I choose not to. I like these cases better, not knowing helps me sleep at night. Helps me not to care. This is a job, a job where I do not need to know all the details. “Are you ready?” I ask him. The safety goes off, and my hand goes up. His head is now full blown shaking and words keep leaving his lips over and over, “No… no… no…” “I will pay you whatever they are. Triple…” he says in between head shakes. That’s not how I roll. I don’t do it for the money. Yes, it’s a big factor. I charge more now than I did when I first started. I don’t go back on my contracts, no matter how much money is thrown in afterward or how much begging goes on. “Say your prayers.” My finger pulls down, the gun goes off. The man drops to the floor. He wasn’t old, mid to late thirties I would guess. Fit, just not smart. Blood oozes from his head wound, his eyes wide open staring at the black sky above us. I grab a black tarp, roll him in it, and move his body over. I throw bleach over his blood then call my clean-up crew. Another job done, another piece of my soul chipped away. Another calling card left.

Her text sits on my phone. It’s been all week. I haven’t answered her or even when she tried calling yesterday. It won’t do her any good to contact me or be in touch with me. Nothing good comes from me, the blood on my hands only goes to prove that. Jake walks through my door. I’m not even home for ten minutes when his voice calls out. He walks in, Stella behind him. I shake my head and watch as she walks to him and wraps her hands around his midsection. She eyes me like she’s looking for a reaction, one she won’t get. “Got your pussy, brother?” Jake asks, tapping her ass. She squeals and I turn my head back to finish washing my hands. “Have it,” I reply. “Some chick’s been asking about you,” Jake says. I dry my hands clean and nod my head to the door

for Stella to leave. She doesn’t listen and Jake removes her arms from him. “Car,” he says, looking at her then straight back to me. She cries out in frustration and slams the door when she walks out. “That bitch is crazy! How do I get rid of her?” I want to laugh at him, but he looks at the door then back to me. “Good luck with that one.” “Yeah, she’s a great fuck, but a mind fuck if you know what I mean?” He picks up a beer a starts drinking it. “Keeps on going on about you being in love with that chick you kidnapped.” My back straightens up, and he notices my reaction. “Oh shit! Who is she?” His hand slams down on the table, demanding an answer and wanting to know out of curiosity. “No one,” I say, ending the conversation. Usually Jake knows me well, reads me well, except he wants to dig. He knows almost everything there is about me, so he’s not happy about not knowing who she is. “Black…” he warns. “Jake…” I say back. “Just tell me this much. Is she a gymnast? If she is, can I have a turn?” My head shakes at him, always about the sex. “Come on, brother.” “Go and take your play thing home, and don’t bring her back.” “Give me a sec,” he says, picking up his keys and running out the door. It takes me a moment to notice movement over my left shoulder, and when I do my gun is raised straight at the intruder’s head. Hayden shakes, his eyes start to fill with tears. I lower the gun and tuck it back in my pants. Usually I wouldn’t even have it on me, but my mind is not thinking straight. It’s all over the shop. “Your old man do that?” I ask him, reaching into the fridge to pull out juice for him. His face is bruised, worse than it usually is. He’s gotten a beating, a terrible beating. He takes the juice, wiping his tears away, his blond curls now longer than the last time I saw him. “I hate him,” he whispers angrily. I pat his shoulder and he takes a seat on the bench, where Jake was sitting. “Is that girl gone?” he asks, looking down the stairs then back to me. I nod my head and Jake walks back through the door, stopping when he sees Hayden, then smiles and sits next to him. “Boys slumber party, I reckon,” he says, pulling Hayden to him. Hayden smiles up at him. Jake knows his story, he’s seen him here enough. “I don’t do slumber parties.” My mouth contours. “Ah, shush up, you baby. Alcohol, movies, and more alcohol. How could you not want that?” “I don’t.” “Well, pig shit and bubble gum. And while you’re at it go and put on a pink shirt, might lift those spirits.” He chuckles to himself. Idiot. “Mr. Black only wears black,” Hayden pipes up. Jake looks down at him and smirks. Most kids would be afraid of him, he isn’t a friendly looking guy. He’s covered in ink, piercings through his face. Not Hayden though, he lives with demons, they assault him daily. To him we are his saviors. What a poor fucked up boy he’ll grow up to be, because we’re anything but. “You know of Black’s mystery woman?” Jake asks him. I turn my back and grab some food out to feed

the kid since he doesn’t eat well. So when he’s here he eats as much as he can. “Yeah, she’s pretty,” he says. I roll my eyes and curse while grabbing a bag of chips and handing it to him. Jake looks up to me. Curious now. Hayden doesn’t waste any time opening the packet and eating them. “Just tell me her name?” “Rose…” He straightens up, he knows that name. That’s when I started hanging with him just as she left. He knows of her but doesn’t actually know her. “The same Rose?” he asks. I look to Hayden, who’s not even listening, and answer him, “The one in the same.” “Shit, no wonder your boxers are in a mess.” “Are not!” “They so are. She was the one you took that night, wasn’t she? The druggie?” “Yes.” I grit my teeth. We don’t touch druggie hookers, they’re too much of a risk. They steal, lie, and cheat. Anything to get what they need. “You, my friend, are officially fucked. Fucked like a motherfucker.” “I know.”



CHAPTER 17 ROSE He’s ignoring me, I know he is. I just don’t understand why. My call goes unanswered, my text messages unnoticed. I don’t understand why? I want something more from him, I just don’t know what that is. Or even why. It’s not like he’s insinuated that he wants more. Actually, he’s the exact opposite—silent and emotionless. “You like him?” Casey asks as she walks in, watching me stare at my phone. I didn’t even realize she was home. “Who?” I ask, playing dumb. “Don’t who me, girly. I can see it.” Her eyes scan my face like she’s making a point. “He’s an enigma,” I say, more to myself than to her. “Sax says he’s bad and he doesn’t do what you’re after. Don’t force anything, Rose, you’re just getting better… getting your life back on track.” “He’s just misunderstood,” I say, standing and getting ready to leave for work. “You’re looking good, Rose.” I smile at her and make my way out the door. I feel better, more weight is starting to appear on my body, and my face is beginning to clear up. I can feel my willpower growing stronger. I haven’t caved, I haven’t touched any of that stuff for almost a solid month. It’s been hard, but worth it. Work is busy when I enter, it’s the afternoon shift. Families come in with their kids, people getting off work stop by for something sweet. I haven’t seen many people I once knew, but that doesn’t surprise me. They’re the wealthy types, not people to come out and mingle in an ice cream shop. Which is why I was surprised to see Roger in here a few weeks ago. The doorbell rings loudly and two police officers walk through. One of them has come in every time I’ve had a shift. He always smiles at me and is polite every time. Though he never makes conversation. I watch as they stop near the door, his friend nudges him and he shakes his head. He’s cute, handsome if you like. The uniform making him that much more attractive. The way his pants cling to his toned ass and the belt with the gun and Taser firmly attached. He looks completely different from Black, his hair is lighter, almost sandy blond, and he’s clean shaven. But his smile is very warming, whereas Black’s is sinister. I have no idea why I’m comparing? “Rose,” his voice startles me. I must have looked like an idiot, daydreaming right in front of him, just staring at him. His partner sits down on the seat near the door, while Officer Burk stands in front of me, warming me with his smile. “Officer, what can I get ya today?” I ask as nicely as possible, a slight blush taking over his cheeks. He looks down to the floor and back up to me. His shyness is sweet, so different to me and what I’m used to. I’m not shy, far from it. I’ve seen the bad, felt the bad. Not much makes me blush anymore. My skin has grown thick, thicker than it should be for a woman my age.

“Actually…” his hand reaches up and he scratches the back of his head. His hair is short, and I can’t help but smile at him. “I was wondering what time you finish? And if you’d like to grab a bite to eat?” To say I’m shocked would be an understatement. I don’t think anyone has actually asked me out or taken me on a date for more than four years. After Roger, which there was no dating involved, I was on the streets in drug houses, clubhouses, anything. Now a handsome police officer is asking me out. One I could use to my advantage potentially. Except I wouldn’t want to do that. I know what it’s liked to be used and abused, to have your heart shattered. I’d never do that to anyone. “I get off at seven…” I trail off and smile at him. He releases a deep breath and smiles in return. “I’ll meet you here then?” I give him a simple nod and he walks to his friend who smiles at me as they leave. The shift drags, and by the time the clock finally hits seven I’m over it. Officer Burk walks through the door, right on time. He’s dressed up, nice jeans on his legs, and a dress shirt with a collar. I’m still dressed in my candy stripe uniform. I grab my bag and walk out to the front of the counter. His smile is big and bright and his teeth are perfect. “Sorry, couldn’t get changed,” I say, looking down at my work clothes. “It’s fine, Rose.” He opens the front door and escorts me through. We walk in silence for a few blocks, but I can feel his stare every now and then as he looks at me from the corner of his eyes. “Café fine?” He stops and opens the door and lets me walk in first. We sit at the closest table across from each other. He picks up his menu, and I do the same. Unsure of what to say, but knowing I’ll say something soon as the silence is killing me. “Is this a date?” I blurt out and he looks shocked as I ask him. Then he slowly nods his head, and I follow his action and nod mine and go back to reading the menu. “Is that okay?” he questions me. “Why would you ask me?” “You’re gorgeous, and seem a bit lost to be honest.” “I am lost. Slowly finding my way, though.” “We all get a bit lost at times. I’m glad you are finding your way.” I smile softly at him. He’s sweet, though sweet had done me in before and fucked me over well and truly. “You seem real nice, Officer Burk.” He holds his hand up in front of me. “Please call me Robbie, Rose.” “Robbie, but I don’t think I’m the kind of girl you should be after.” His forehead scrunches up. “And why’s that?” “I’m just getting my life on track. It’s probably best if you don’t mix with someone that has the background I’ve had.” “I know your background, Rose.” I look at him shocked. Of course he would. “You searched me?” His head gives a shameful nod. “You haven’t done anything illegal, just got dealt a bad hand.” “I’m still not sure if I can give you what you’re after, I need to sort myself out.” His head nods. “Let’s start with friendship?”

I agree. There’s no harm in that.



CHAPTER 18 BLACK She’s there, stuck in my mind. Like glue that won’t budge, like a bee sting that causes you pain. It’s there, and all I want to do is extract it, remove it from me. But I can’t, and that’s the reason that I’m sitting in my car and watching as she walks home, laughing with a police officer. I’ve been good, I haven’t seen her for weeks, and those weeks have been kind to her. I’ve kept tabs on her though. She’s now seeing that officer, the one that holds her hip as she walks. The one she’s been out with several times. And by the looks of it, she has a new job. Her appearance looks healthy like she was never sick and addicted to drugs. She has a sway in her hip and a bounce in her step. It’s intriguing to watch. I changed my phone number a week ago, smashed the phone and bought a new one. She rang me several times. Each time it’s getting harder to ignore her, to want to ignore her. I’ve never understood what it is that draws me to her. Why is she the only one I think of? Why have I not felt the slightest bit for any other reason than their body? It doesn’t make sense. None of it makes sense. I place my head on the steering wheel and the horn beeps. I curse myself, fucking stupid car. I look up. She’s stopped talking to the police officer and her eyes are now firmly on me. Her head is angled, and she smiles slightly as she turns back to the man she’s with. I watch as her lips move and his head swings my way. He tries to see me clearly, but the night sky won’t allow it. He leans in and kisses her on the cheek. She allows it and pats his shoulder, then starts her walk toward me. Looking at the ground, then up to me to make sure I haven’t left. The man she was with stands there, watching her. I want to hurt him. I want to know why he’s with her. Who is he? More especially, who is he to her? She comes to my window, tapping a soft knock on the glass. I look at her ice blue eyes. The first thing I’ve ever noticed about her, and I wind down the window. They’re as vibrant as they were ten years ago, though something is slightly missing in them. “Black,” she says, then winces. She’s hesitant to call me Liam. “Rose…” I stare at her, my sunglasses still cover my face. Even though there’s no need for them. She’s in a different uniform from last time. I look her up and down in a suit. A jacket, black slacks, heels. Her long blonde hair tied back. “I’ve tried calling you,” she says, looking straight at me. She reaches up and touches my sunglasses, removes them, and then places them on the dash. “That’s better, I like to see what you’re thinking instead of trying to guess.” She smirks and leans in closer. She looks at me and waits for me to speak. I don’t. She walks around to the passenger side. She stops before she opens the door and waves. I look back to the sidewalk and see the man she was with still watching her. He waves back and starts a slow walk away, though he looks back a few times before he’s finally out of sight. The door closes and I realize she’s now next to me. Her smell drifts to me and I want to laugh. She smells like fresh flowers. How ironic for her to smell like her name.

“What’s making a smile tug at your lips?” She’s now facing me, one of her legs tucked under her as she watches me. “Your smell…” Her nose scrunches up and she pulls her collar to her nose and sniffs herself. “I don’t stink.” She shakes her head. “You don’t,” I say. She lets her shirt go and turns back in her seat and buckles in. “I’m hungry, take me out for dinner.” This time it’s my turn for a surprised look to cross my face. “What? You ruined my dinner plans. So the least you can do is cook for me, at your house.” She grabs her phone and starts typing out messages. “Okay, all set to go.” She slips her phone back in her bag and smiles. She’s so weird. “Takeaway?” I ask, hoping not to cook. “Nope, you are cooking, Mister.” She shakes her head. I start the engine and pull out. I take another look at her and wonder. “Where are you working now?” She faces me and smiles, her lips are coated with a soft pink, making them even plumper than they were. “I just started working reception. It’s boring. But it’s better than what I was doing, and the money and benefits are better.” “You need money?” “Yes, but I don’t want to talk about that now.” Her voice drops and I wonder what she really needs the money for. “Who’s your boyfriend?” Her lips pull tight in a sinister smile, like she was waiting for me to ask her that question. “He isn’t my boyfriend, Liam,” she says, rolling her eyes at me. I go to correct her, but she speaks first. “Though he wants to be.” She raises her eyebrows a few times, making herself look crazy beautiful.

“You can’t cook me sausage and bread,” she whines behind me. “Can too. You wanted to eat here, you get what you’re given.” She pops out her bottom lip, making it impossible for me to disagree with her. “Pizza?” I ask, throwing the sausages back in the freezer. She laughs and picks up my phone. I don’t know why she didn’t grab hers, but she sits there quiet for a few seconds. I stand there and watch for a while, then ask, “Finished snooping?” She doesn’t look up from the phone straight away. She reads whatever has her interest, then places it on the counter. “Is this your work phone?” she asks, not sounding as confident as she did before. I nod my head and she leans forward over the counter. “What is it that you do, Liam?” “Black,” I correct her. “Ha?” “It’s Black, Rose. That’s my name. Use it.” She looks taken aback. I guess since I let the last one slip she thought she could use it. She can’t. “Are you avoiding the question, Black?” she spits my name back at me.

“I’m a contractor.” “And?” she prompts. “And nothing. Now are we ordering or you going home?” “Ordering.” She slides my phone across the counter to me and I pick it up and call. I grab the keys to my car and walk out with her following behind. “Where are you going?” “To get the pizza, Rose. This isn’t a city. There’s no delivery here, you pick that shit up yourself.” “Figures.” She shrugs, following me down the stairs, barely looking at the room I held her in. She waits in the car while I collect the pizza. She watches my every move. It’s not flattering, it’s quite the opposite. Actually, it’s frustrating. No one has watched me as hard as what she does. Not even the police. And believe me, they have tried. I hear the loud noises of motorbikes. One by one I hear them stop in front of the small pizza place. I hear Jake first, loud as always, calling out to me. I watch as Rose sits in the car, her ice blue eyes wide in horror. Her eyes flicking back to me, then back to the men. I walk past them. There’s five in total, including the Pres. Jake’s at Rose’s door. She isn’t opening the door for him. Actually, I think she has it locked. I walk to my side, open it, and place the pizza in through the door. Her terrified eyes are watching on. “You need to go?” I ask her, and she nods her head anxiously. “Black, my boy,” Pres calls out, slowly making his way to me. He spots Rose in the car, though I don’t think he would recognize her from when she was a druggie at his parties. “One second, okay?” I ask, nodding my head as I close the door behind me. “You got a chick?” he asks, nodding his head toward the car. He looks then back to me. “Where she from?” “Around! What you need, Gray?” I ask, changing the subject. “One’s gone missing, will need another. Hook me up with your contact.” I shake my head and walk away. “I’ll see what I can do,” I yell over my shoulder, opening the door and quickly driving away. I will not be getting him any more of what he needs. The last one didn’t turn out so good for me. “I know them,” she says after silence for most of the drive back to my house. “I know.” “No, you don’t. The things… the things I did with them, for them…” her body shivers in what I’m guessing is disgust, “…I don’t remember it all, but I remember some.” “Why do you need money, Rose?” “Huh?” “You said you needed money earlier. Why do you need it?” “I don’t want to say. It’s just… it’s not what you think it is. Okay?” “I can give you the money.” She looks at me with squinted eyes and her mouth wide. I turn the car off and climb out grabbing the pizza.

It doesn’t take her long to catch up. “I couldn’t, and it’s not a little amount. I need a lot… Black.” “I know. I can give you as much as you need. Just tell me how and when.” “I couldn’t take money from you.” Her head shakes as I reach the door. She follows me to the living room and sits close to me. Too damn close. “It’s there, Rose, no strings attached.” I look at her and her eyes reach mine. They shine. She’s appreciative, I can see it. “I kind of want you to kiss me now,” she whispers, so close, too close. “I don’t think that’s smart.” “Why not?” she fires back, not moving from where she is. “It’s not smart, it’s not how we should go… where we’re meant to go. You’re not destined to be with someone like me.” She pulls back and closes her eyes, not saying anything, and when she opens them I see determination—it’s intimidating. “You don’t know where I should go. Whose lips should touch mine. Who’s body should posses me. You don’t know because I know…” “Are you finished?” “No, just getting started.” “You should eat,” I tell her, opening the pizza box. She doesn’t look and remains staring at me. “I am going to kiss you now,” she says, inching closer, her hand landing on the side of my face, her fingers brushing my beard. Her mouth is slightly parted. I want those plump pink lips on me. I do. I just know where this will go, and it will not be in her favor. I can see it clear as day, except there’s a part of me that wants to throw those reasons to the wind just for a taste. A taste of what pure bliss would be like, because that’s what she is—pure and utter bliss.



CHAPTER 19 ROSE How do I put into words what this man makes me feel? Alive, beautiful, protected, extraordinary. All the things no one has ever made me feel. He pulled me into him all those years ago, like an invisible line was somehow tugging us together, to be with each other at that moment in my life when I needed him most. Then ten years later, exactly the same when I needed him most, to pull me from the black hole I was so badly stuck in. His beard is long, his hair longer then finger length, his mouth is a tight line in fear but also passion. His beautiful green eyes that pull me in shine so bright yet so dark. Like I could possibly read all his hidden secrets and demons behind them if I just get close enough. His eyes close as both my hands are on his face, soft skin under my fingers, beard under my palm. I want to pull it, to bring him to me. Maybe I will get that chance in the future, just not now. He’s too fragile, no matter how much he denies he isn’t. It’s written all over his handsome face. The one most people choose to look the other way when he faces them, the tough exterior that he puts on for everyone. I inch closer, knowing if I wanted to make a move on this man I’d be the one he would let in. He believes what he says. We aren’t meant to be. How can that be, though? Everything he is calms me, brings me peace, and makes me feel alive. Makes me want him so badly it only gets harder each time I see him. My lips soft, his lips rough from his beard. I hear an intake of breath, his lips on my lips. He doesn't move, my hands remain on his beard. He’s breathing heavy with excitement… or nerves? I'm not sure which. So I kiss him softly, and he starts to move his lips—there’s no time for soft sweet kisses. My body presses closer to his, his hands remain on his side. I move my hands away from his beard and down to his shoulders, He only allows me lips on lips. Body pressed to body. His eyes are squeezed tightly shut. I feel his body tense beneath me. He doesn't kiss back, but he doesn't pull away either. My hands start to slide down the front of his chest, and he flies backward to the end of the couch, away from me. My eyes reopen, his taste lingers on my lips. His dark green eyes are focused strongly on me. “You shouldn't have done that.” His green eyes are darker now, fiercer. “Why not?” I antagonize him. He stands abruptly from the couch, taking two steps to be in front of me. He looks down at me and swings my legs around off the couch directly in front of his legs. He leans down, picks up my hands, joining them together, pinning them with one of his hands and pushes me back on the couch. He leans down, now his face inches from mine, his lips inches from my lips. His lips descend on mine. They’re rough but soft, just like him. Rough on the outside, soft on the inside. My lips part and he gives me more than what he gave me mere seconds ago. His tongue enters me, and he kisses back with the same passion I’m giving him. My back arches, my body wanting to be closer to his. His hand slides down—making my stomach break out in butterflies—in between my breast, but it stops there and then there’s pressure. He pushes me down away from him. I want to protest, but I know if I

do it will come to an end. His hand stays in between my breasts—his mouth, his lips, assaulting me. It's fierce, so much passion. It feels like ten years’ worth of kisses. As our tongues dance together with a wild passion I taste coconut. He breaks for air, his forehead rests against mine, my hands still pinned above my head. Both of our breaths are heavy, our eyes connect and he goes to speak, but pulls away abruptly. My hands drop falling to my side. I desperately want words to leave my mouth, but nothing seems to fall from my lips when I move to speak. His eyes do a slow burn, he looks unsure. He hasn't moved far. “You need to leave,” his voice sounds gruff. “That was…” I pause staring him, “…ten years’ worth of kisses.” His head shakes, not disagreeing nor agreeing. “That shouldn't have happened. We can't happen!” “We can, and it would be explosive.” His eyes leer at me while he bites his bottom lip. I sit up straight, closer to him, two steps away. I stand and take a step closer, his eyes tracking my movements. Another step closer, our bodies now touching slightly. “Kiss me again?” My voice is tight, nerves taking hold. Unsure of what he’ll do or say. It takes a while and I don't move, and neither does he. His hand snatches out and brings my body to his. I slam into the front of him and my hands come up, circling around his neck so fast there’s not enough time for him to pull away. His lips descend on mine. This kiss is softer with not so much aggression. I could kiss him forever. My body grinds on him. I want to explore. His body pushes back into mine, the need, the want is there. I don't move my hands, afraid of what he will do. He doesn't like intimacy—not the sexual kind, just the love kind. His hands explore me. I let him. They're rough and unsure of what they’re meant to be doing. He isn't sure how to be normal. I don't want him normal, I want him just the way he is—fucked up and all. “Touch me,” my voice is husky, turned on. His hands slide up the back of my shirt and they unclasp my bra. They feather back down, and his hands come in between us. He pulls my hands away and they drop to my side, he grabs the bottom of my shirt, and in one swift movement tears my shirt apart. He slides it off my shoulders, then my bra. I’m now exposed in front of him, the top half of me completely naked. His eyes travel downward, stopping on my breasts. Roger used to make me feel insecure about my breasts. He’d tell me I had the chest of a boy. He never made me feel beautiful or desired. But the way Liam is looking at me it makes me feel all those things and more. I go to reach for his shirt, but his hands stop me. He reaches out again, undoing my pants, and I kick my shoes off. He pulls my pants down, taking my underwear with them. I’m now completely naked and he’s completely dressed in his black trousers and white shirt. His hand reaches up and he undoes his first button, I see hair, it's not much, just a patch. The rest is next the shirt gets removed, his nipples are pierced with a barbell through each. No tattoos, just the piercings. His eyes stay on mine, he kicks his shoes off then comes his pants. I'm afraid to look down. He isn't, his eyes don't stop traveling my body. My eyes stay glued to his face. He looks at me challenging, challenging me to look down. He smirks, and it's the sexiest thing I’ve seen. I remove my eyes from his

face and trail them down from his chest to his stomach, which has a beautifully sculptured six-pack. I let my eyes travel further, where they stop at this cock. I gasp loudly. He has an apadravya, and the metal shines brightly at the end of his cock. He's manicured, clean, and very tall. My eyes shoot back up to him. His smirk is still in place. I've never been with someone who had a cock piercing. It should be interesting. “I have rules.” His voice is husky, his eyes now on me. “Rules,” I reply. “Yes, rules…” he pauses. “…the biggest rule is no touching.” “Ever?” “Ever,” he confirms. “I want to touch, and I will touch.” He shakes his head. How can he say no? I’m naked in front of him! “When I fuck, no one is allowed to touch. I fuck hard, I don't fuck soft. And I don't make love.”



CHAPTER 20 BLACK I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be standing in this place, at this time, with her. I can't say no and I can't walk away. Her ice blue eyes search my face, like she doesn't believe those words I’ve spoken. But excitement is also evident in her eyes. My hands snake up and I capture her, her naked body pressed against mine. I'm hard, I was hard from the moment I saw her. I used to be worried about fucking, worried that the excitement of it was gone. But it wasn't, my mind and my body had had enough of fucking. It wanted something different, it wanted her. Her hands are stuck to her side, and I know she wants to move them. Though too much touching has been involved. “I'm going to make you forget everything. Erase every other hand, lips, or body that’s touched you before me.” Her body shivers. “Do you believe me?" She nods her head. “Keep your hands to your side. If you move them you’re not allowed to come.” “That’s unfair,” she barely whispers. “Life is unfair, you should know this.” She doesn't answer me, but I see it in her eyes that she understands. I take my time while I look her over—her breasts are a perfect size, her nipples a soft pink, begging me to make them red. My tongue trails down her neck, and she stands still, still as a statue. Maybe she will listen, maybe I will let her come. Her skin tastes sweet. She’s not sunken, not skinny anymore. I lick all the way down to her left breast, where I circle her nipple, wanting to devour it. Her breathing is heavy, her chest moving up and down fast. My other hand palms her right breast. I'm waiting for her to move, but I’m hoping she won’t. I suck hard on her breast, then lick and bite. I go to her other breast and do the same. My hands run up and down her stomach. It's flat, so I move my hands slightly further down. Slowly, I touch her pussy. She holds a breath as I insert a finger. Her eyes close, and I insert another. I want to take my time, but I also want to ravage her. I push her down to the coffee table. She knocks the pizza and the remotes off of it. I push forward, my fingers still inserted inside her as I drop to my knees in front of her. Her legs spread wide, her back arched. Eyes closed. She visibly shakes. I grab my pants that are discarded on the floor, reach for a condom, and slide it on. My tongue starts at her entrance and works its way up to her quickly. She gasps, and it’s loud. I haven't had to restrain her, she’s listened. Hands stay to her sides, or on her breasts. She reaches down a few times, stopping at her naval, wanting to touch me. I just can't, I can’t allow it. My tongue fucks her, it tastes every bit of her, and she starts to scream my real name. She knows not to use it, I warned her not to use it. But in this moment I don't stop her. It's fast, I don't give her moment to breathe. I slam straight into her. Her mouth opens in shock. I'm rough, always have been. I seek my own pleasure when I fuck, though the women always seem to get off before me. I'm not an asshole, I usually make sure their pleasure is met. And with Rose I'm unsure. She’s different to the chicks I usually fuck. I slam into her, repeatedly. Her neck is arched, and I can't see her face. Her fists are clenched, but the noises leaving her mouth are pleasure.

She tightens around me, I can feel she's almost there. My piercing is hitting the right spot with each deep thrust a take. I know she feels it each time I slam into her. She clenches and moans loudly. It's a beautiful thing to watch, a woman completely coming apart in front of my very eyes. I'm going to be addicted, I can't slow down. I haven't felt this kind of pleasure for a very long time. “Scream my name, Rose. Scream it so loud that heaven and hell can hear you.” She obliges, my finger playing with her clit. And that's all it takes, my name, my real name coming from those beautiful pink lush lips. I remove myself from her. She stays where she is on the coffee table, laid out, deeply breathing and exhausted. I came, but my cock wants more. I can feel it stirring again. She does this to me. Takes over my sense of normal, making it her own. “How…” the voice is husky, “…no one has made me come like that in my life.” She breathes hard. “I need more,” I inform her while placing on another condom. Her head shakes back and forth. “I can't move.” I grab her hips and turn her around. “You don't need to move.”

She’s passed out. I picked her up and placed her on the spare bed. When I woke the next morning, she wasn't there. All evidence of her was gone. I have mixed feelings, I don't want to be attached. But somehow I think that's impossible now. How do you not get attached to someone that implants themselves in you? She's an enigma. Once you see her, you're drawn in by her. It was ten years ago. She changed me, some may say for the good, some may say for the worse. Either way, I wouldn't change that day for anything. I'm going to have to tell her, going to have to tell her the real story. The one she doesn't know, the one that could make her hate me. The one that could make her want to kill me. You’d think a man in my position would be more afraid telling her what I do for work. But in actuality it’s what I did to her a few years ago that will shatter us before we’ve even begun.



CHAPTER 21 ROSE If you could say pure bliss, that's how I’ve felt for the last two weeks with Liam. I see him every day. He waits outside my work and he takes me back to his place and fucks me into oblivion every fucking day. We hardly talk, and if we do it’s me talking. I've learned that he doesn't like to speak, but he does like to listen. There's nothing wrong with that, I think it's just the way he’s always been—listening and watching what everyone does. No one’s really wanted to hear what he has had to say. So he just takes it all in measure. But when he does talk, I see glimpses of the man that he really is, and it's a beautiful sight to behold. I'm allowed to touch his neck, his face, and his hair. He hasn't let me ventured further, I’ve tried. But when I do, he pins my hands above my head and slams into me with such passion that I forget everything that’s happened. Touching where he can touch me any way he pleases. I don't believe I’m a weak woman, I believe I’ve been dealt a bad hand. I believe I thought I was in love at a young age and that when a man told me he loves me, I should believe it. That every word he spoke to me was true. But it wasn't, I was naïve, I was young, and I was definitely stupid. Liam is the opposite. He doesn't tell me he loves me, but he does say I'm beautiful. And I believe that, I believe every word that comes from his mouth. I'm not being naïve this time, I believe what he says is true. When he puts his time into someone, he puts his all. When I leave work, he’s standing outside his truck. His hands are tucked into his pockets, and as usual he has glasses covering his eyes. The black suit he always wears that fits him like a glove is covering his body. I get butterflies just from looking at him. I want to run to him and wrap my arms around his waist, but he won't let me. My hands are allowed to go around his neck now, and his around my waist, usually on my ass. I don't complain though. He gives me pieces, pieces I think he doesn't show anyone. Last night we were on the floor, both of us naked, both thoroughly fucked. He said something after I asked him about his walls, why they’re covered in graffiti. It's an odd thing to see, no one has walls like him, but then again no one is like Liam Black. “They take me back to a time, a time when I was young and met a beautiful girl on the darkest night of nights. We had an indescribable bond and I would graffiti things to her. And she would sit and watch me. It was probably the happiest time of my life.” I shed a tear when he said that that time was the happiest day of his life. The only way to remember was to paint the inside of his house later. I sleep on the couch when I'm at his. I haven't seen the inside of his room, he doesn't leave me until I'm fast asleep. He waits, waits until I pass out. And it's never long after we have fucked. I have to tell him something tonight, something that I need to do, something that's missing in me and he needs to understand. I don't know how we will, I just hope it's not the end of us.

“I think we should talk.” He’s naked, breathing heavily above me. My hands are above my head, being held there by his hands. He slams into me again, my eyes are closed, pure ecstasy taking over me. I manage to open them to see he’s looking at me, watching me. He likes to do this, he likes to see me. Where I can’t help but close my eyes, it’s instinct, too much, all at once taking me over. “No,” he says, pulling out, leaving me on the floor. He stands naked and walks to the kitchen. And a beautiful sight. His ass is sculpted, no fat what-so-ever, his back is powerful, just as the rest of him. I manage to sit up though my body is sore. The light from the fridge shines on him, making him look so much more powerful than he already is. “I have things to tell you.” I catch the bottle of water as it’s thrown at me. He cocks his head to the side, assessing me. “I don’t want to hear them, Rose.” “Why?” “Our bubble is fine just the way it is, don’t burst it,” is all he says, then walks to his room, shutting the door and leaving me out. I don’t bother following, it’s a waste of time. He wouldn’t let me in anyway. When he comes out ten minutes later, he’s fully dressed in gloves and a black suit with his hair neatly styled. “Going to get lucky?” I joke, standing and finding my dress, sliding it over my body. “Yes.” I swing back around, half dressed. He’s joking, I can see it now, but the joke hurt, more than it should have. “Where are you going?” I ask, placing my shoes on while he watches my every move. “I have work to do, Rose. I have more to do than fuck you.” “Good, so do I. I have plans tomorrow. Don’t pick me up.” His forehead crinkles as he assesses what I’ve just said. He stands there, then turns away, picking up his keys. He nods for me to follow. I do without so much as a word. He’s never taken me home after I have spent an afternoon with him. I’m always there when he wakes up, dressed and ready for work. He’s always right on time, ready to take me to work, without me even telling him when I start. He stops at Casey’s house, parks his truck in the front yard. It’s dark and her lights are out. She must hear us though as the kitchen light flicks on, so I turn to face him. His eyes stay ahead, not looking at me. I reach for the handle, then pause, thinking of what I should say. “Will you call me?” I ask just as my hand is on the door, ready to open it. My back is to him, I can’t face him—he’s shut down. “No.” “I’ll call you,” I say, stepping out. He doesn’t say anything else, he just drives off like nothing ever happened.



CHAPTER 22 BLACK I watch her from my truck even though she didn’t want to see me tonight. But that doesn’t mean I can’t see her. She’s outside a school, her hand is pressed up against the fence, her long blonde hair down. It flows around every time the wind catches it. She looks sad, more miserable than I’ve ever seen her. Her eyes are red and her mouth is tight. I wonder what it is that makes that look on her face like her world has been broken so badly that there’s no repairing it. But I can’t wonder. I shouldn’t even be here. But I just can’t help myself. She’s like a drug, my own personal fucked up drug. And I can’t stay away, no matter how hard I try. It’s not good for either of us, this fucked up thing we both have going on. We’re both as cracked as one another. Both as shattered as each other. Two shattered hearts cannot make it right. It would just cause an avalanche of feelings, feelings neither of us can bare. She opens the gate, the kids running all around the playground. I sit forward so I can see clearer. She drops to her knees as she reaches the gate, a sob raking over her body. A little girl runs to her, wrapping her tiny arms around her shoulders and cries. The scene doesn’t make any sense, I can’t understand what I’m seeing. Then I see what the little girl mouths and I know, know that that’s what she wanted to tell me. Mom. I can’t see her anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t deal with it all. It’s too much, it will be too much for her. But I can’t help myself. Drug… she’s a drug… and I’m wildly addicted.

I sit there and watch her for an hour. I have a job tonight. I can’t let whatever I have for her affect what I do. I’ve already declined work because I wanted to see her every day to get my fix. She listens to me when I say don’t touch, she obeys me. Most women I’m with never obey, they always try to touch, touch me in places where their hands are not permitted. I am so lost in her I don’t recognize when she straightens her spine and grips the little girl until it’s too late. I’m not fast enough for the slap that echoes across her face either. The little girl who has edged to her side is crying, and the man pulls her arm to get her away. Rose screams something, tears soaking her face, making her makeup run. Her eyes look black.

This is the father, that much I can tell. He storms away, and Rose drops to the ground. Her head is between her hands. I should go to her, try to comfort her, though I can’t. I don’t know how to. What I would say? How to do that? I’ve never done or needed to do something like that. Crying is the walk away zone for me. I drive away, wanting to touch her and hold her, knowing that I shouldn’t. I drive to my job, my gear already in my truck. Jake rings, and it’s the third time he’s rung this week. I’ve been ignoring his calls, ignoring him altogether. I don’t want him to connect the dots and potentially ruin it all. I know though if I don’t answer soon he’ll go on a manhunt for me. And he’s damn good at finding out what he wants and what he needs. “Yeah,” I answer, pulling up to the local strip club. I stop the car and turn it off, reaching behind me to pocket my gun. Tonight is a different hit, tonight is an up close and personal hit. My phone rings. Jake’s calling, it’s time. “You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you? You knew we’d find out.” I look at the gun, wondering if it would be easier to just kill all those that are close to me. Would that keep her safe? “Yes, I knew,” I finally answer him. He screams into the phone. “This is why you’ve been ignoring me, you didn’t want me to know.” “Yes.” “You know he knows, he wants her back, Black, and I can’t say no to him.” “Just tell me when?” “What are you going to do, Black? Don’t take on everyone for her.” “I will do what I have to do, Jake, just don’t be there to collect her. You won’t like the outcome.” “Fuck!” he screams loudly and then hangs up. It’s busy when I enter, and I spot her straight away. She’s at the bar, her breasts are leaning on it. She’s seducing a man twice her age. She spots me as soon as I’m in sight and she looks around, nerves evident on her stone-like facial expression as her body shakes. “Stella.” “Don’t do it, Black,” she says, stepping as far away from me as she can possibly get behind the bar. Her clothes are skimpy, her breasts on full display. “I need to talk to you privately.” “Nope.” She shakes her head back and forth. “This is the last time I will ask nicely.” “I can’t. I know, I know why you are here. I just can’t.” “Is that your choice?” She looks at me with her mouth open and a small gasp leaves her throat. Her head slowly nods up and down. I nod mine and walk away. She runs as soon as I’m out of sight. I turn around to watch her and then follow her. She runs to the back of the club and locks herself in a room. I hear talking, so I break the door down, and it bounces open, revealing her on the phone. She screams, but no one comes. I grab her forcefully, and she drops her phone to the ground where it smashes to pieces. She tries to kick me, to break free, but it doesn’t work. It’s dark, the club surrounded by nothing but bushland. I take her into it and she doesn’t stop screaming

the whole way. When I think I’m far enough away, I let her go and she tries to run. But I managed to get a rope wrapped around her neck when she was fighting me. Now it pulls tight as she tries to run and she drops to the ground, clawing at her neck, attempting to remove it. I stand above her and she stills. Realizing nothing is going to work, though I have to give it to her, her fight is good. I’m sure I have scratches over my body. “Please don’t do this,” she pleads, tears cascading down her face. “What did you think would happen? Why didn’t you run?” “I did. I changed my name. Just say you never saw me, please. I’ll give you everything I have.” “I don’t work like that, Stella.” “You’re just like them… scum,” she screams at me. “Like the scum you stole from? You stole close to a million dollars, Stella. What did you think would happen? You could just walk away... escape?” I laugh dryly at her. “You’re sick, you know that? Sick and fucked in the head.” “I never claimed to be normal, baby.” “No, you’re lower than the devil himself. You murderer.” “Goodbye, Stella,” I say, bringing the gun up and shooting. Her mouth is open, words wanting to leave her mouth that never fully make their escape. Her eyes are large with shock and anger. I leave her there, as per their request. “It’s done,” I say into the phone to the Pres. “Thanks, son,” are his words of reply before I hang up on him. You’d think someone like me, someone that kills people for a living, would have nightmares. When I lay my head down that night, awaiting the nightmare, I wonder why they don’t come. Am I that fucked up that someone like me doesn’t deserve them? Or maybe all the bad I do is my penance.



CHAPTER 23 ROSE I will not crawl back to him, I will not. This is my mantra, I say it over and over. I will not. I will not. Why must I debate something like this? I shouldn’t want to be with him. He’s bad, evil. The things I’ve been told he’s done—does—is enough to make anyone run with their tail tucked firmly between their legs. I can’t though. He’s on my mind even as I sit here on a date a week after I last spoke with Black with no word since. He doesn’t care, so maybe I should stop caring myself. Maybe I should shut that part of me up. Robbie looks at me and smiles as he picks up his glass of wine, his appreciation for me evident in his ways. And all I can think about is Black wouldn’t drink wine. I have to cut that train of thought from my brain, extract it, and move it somewhere into the dark recesses of my mind. “To you,” he toasts. We’ve just finished a beautiful dinner. He saw me not long after I ran into Roger. My face flooded with tears, he understood why. He knows about my daughter, he’s looked into my files. He knows all there is to know about me. And he doesn’t seem to care, though neither does Black, and he has seen me at my worst. “I can’t toast to me, Robbie.” I shake my head at him. “You can look at what you are doing. Fighting for what you believe in.” He’s taken me to the best lawyer money can buy when he found me. I told him I want her, need her in my life. Though just for a consultation with the lawyer, it took all the money I had saved. I now don’t have enough to pay for anything else. And I have no idea where I’ll be getting the money for the rest of it. My job does not pay that much, and no bank will loan me the money. I do have one option, and that option is a hard one and one I don’t want to go to. I clink my glass with his, even though there’s nothing to be happy about. It’s actually a dreadful day. Roger knows I’m here, and the look on his face when he saw me with Isabelle was one of death. He wanted me to never come back, to never see her again. He thought the drugs he fed me would have done the trick, he thought he could have all he wanted and exclude me from the picture. It doesn’t work like that. I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl, and I will do anything I possibly can to get her back. He saw it in my eyes, the way my hand protectively wrapped around her shoulders. He knew I was back for her, she was the only reason I would step back in this town. Nothing else is here for me. “I think you’re doing what any mother would do,” Robbie says, bringing me out my thoughts. I smile at him. He’s handsome, nice. All the things I should be going for. Except I’m not. “I have to tell you something,” I say, placing the glass on the table. I look to him to see a serious look cross his face.

“Conversations that usually start with that don’t usually end well,” he says mockingly, but with a worried look on his face. “I have been seeing someone.” I look and wait for his reaction. He doesn’t seem surprised. “I know you have, Rose.” “Why are you here then?” I can’t help but ask. “I’m here because I don’t think you want anything long term with a man like Black. Especially if you’re going to be trying to get your daughter back.” I’m shocked to say the least. Shocked that he can say that, he doesn’t even know him. “He isn’t as bad as they say,” I defend him. Why? I have no idea. “No, he isn’t…” he shakes his head slightly, “…I think he’s worse.” He pauses for a moment, picking up his glass and taking another drink. I sit there, unable to say anything. “Are you still seeing him?” “No!” And it’s true. I haven’t been, and it’s been torture. “I think that’s the smart thing to do.” He nods his head like he’s trying to make me believe it. Pity that I don’t.

Dinner ended on an awkward note since he wanted to kiss me. He leaned in and I deflected it with a kiss on the cheek. He looked unhappy, but I wasn’t going to be kissing two guys in a matter of months. Today, though, today is a new day. And I am excited. I have finished work early, and I’m standing at the front of Isabelle’s school waiting for her break. I hear the bell, and my smile is so wide it’s hurting my face. I can’t help it. Since I saw her yesterday, I couldn’t wait to see her again. She’s grown so much and she’s so beautiful it breaks my heart that I’ve missed so much. I want to learn about everything that’s new. What is her favorite show now? She changed her mind on that so often it was hard to keep up. A hand touches my back and I turn to see Roger standing there, his face scrunched up. Anger is evident in his features. “You should not be here,” he basically spits. I turn my head, wanting to see if she comes out. Not wishing to miss a second of her. He grabs my arm and turns me back to him. “I knew you’d come again today. Let’s get out of sight and talk.” I’m hesitant since I don’t want to be anywhere alone with this man. I turn back, and he speaks as I do. “She’ll be waiting,” he assures me. “I want to see her more,” I say, walking behind him, following him out of sight of the school grounds. “I don’t think that should happen,” he says. I stop. Not wanting to go further. We’re already far enough away as it is. “You can’t stop me, Roger. I will take it to the courts if I have to.” He laughs dryly at me. “With what money? You haven’t held your job long enough to cover the cost. You don’t even own a house, Rose. Plus...” he leans in close, his scent I once used to love now makes me want to be sick, “… you’re a druggie.” He basically spits the last words at me. I take a step back, removing myself from his proximity.

“That is all on you.” I know I shouldn’t have said it when it leaves my mouth. I felt it, I forgot for a second how bad his temper is. His face goes red, he looks possessed. His hand is fast that I don’t even see the movement. He brings it to my face and slaps me so hard I fall backward. I don’t move, there isn’t a reason to. If I speak or say another word it’s ignition for him. He walks so he’s next to me. “You are nothing but trash, used up and wasted trash.” He kicks my ribs hard. The breath leaves me and it feels like I have to fight to get it back. I have to remove my child from this man, she can’t grow up with him.



CHAPTER 24 BLACK Weeks pass by, and they drag. It’s torturous not seeing or having her. How is it that she makes me feel the slightest bit alive when I’ve felt dead for as long as I can remember? How can someone so broken even begin to help someone so fucked up? I’ve kept my distance, I haven’t called, stalked, or followed her. She needs this time, I need this time to wash her out of my system. A system that’s already so broken, one that craves her, with reasons I’m yet to still discover. My phone rings, pulling me from the dead man on the ground—another hit, another life. He’s old, this one, older than I usually hit. He fought, he tried to bribe me at first, then he pleaded. They all plead or bribe in the end. More money, or offering up families or their children. As if these things mean anything to me, as if I should care about their loved ones. I can’t. That’s what makes me so good at what I do. It’s impossible for me to. That’s why the thought of wanting and craving Rose has me puzzled. I have craved one thing, and that’s only ever been sex. In my early twenties, soon even that became boring. Another hole, another goal was Jake’s motto. Never mine, they all blend into one. Each time it left me wondering why I even did it in the first place. I look to the caller ID, then the dead man. He’s lying on the concrete, his head has blood pouring out and spreading in a neat pattern over the ground. He hit it hard after I shot him. More mess. “Black… Black, is that you?” her voice rings from the end of my phone. I don’t talk, don’t know what to say. I could tell her I’m busy, that I have a body to dispose of, but I sit and wait to hear her voice again. Looking at the lifeless body beneath my feet. “Look, I don’t know how to ask this…” she pauses, her voice is shaky, “…I need to borrow some money. I promise I’ll pay you back. Black… Black, are you there? Please answer me.” She’s clearly distraught. I honestly never thought she’d ask, so I know she needs it. I also have an idea now of why she may need it. “Come to mine in thirty,” I say, clicking the phone shut. I make a call, and they’re coming to collect the body. It’s done. I drop my card. He will know why the floor is covered in blood, and he will know it’s from me.

She’s there when I arrive home. She has on a short dress and her legs look like they should be wrapped around my waist right now, with her heels digging into my ass. Sunglasses cover her face. I don’t see the look she giving me. I’d like to know what she’s thinking. What her feelings are? Her feelings show so evidently in her eyes when I can see them. She stands taller, watching me from behind her glasses, I want to rip them off her face to see what she’s really not telling me. Except I walk straight past her and up into my house. She follows, her heels clicking with each step she takes behind me. Hayden is sitting on my couch eating chips when I walk in. He looks to me and smiles, then looks to Rose and smiles brighter. I walk to him and pull the change from my pocket. He takes it and looks back at

me. “Go to the shop, get something to eat.” He nods his head eagerly and stops at Rose on the way out, who’s standing at the door. “I’m glad you’re okay, miss,” he says and then runs out. I stand there, waiting for her to speak. Waiting for her to tell me something. My mind is on her and her body. All the things I could do with it. My cock is hard. It’s never hard anymore unless I think of her. I’m in a fucked up situation—royally fucked. “You going to speak to me?” she asks. I walk forward, not liking the tone in her voice. I snatch the glasses from her eyes. She covers them and swears at me. I tilt her head up, noticing she has a black eye and has recently been crying. “What happened?” “As if you care!” She turns her nose up at me and faces away so she doesn’t have to look at me. “Rose… tell… me… what… happened?” I ask very slowly, dragging each word out. Her ice blue eyes turn back to me. Hard now. “He happened! Everything in my life that’s fucked is because of him. He happened, dammit!” she screams. Her fists clench tight. “The father?” She doesn’t look surprised. “I saw you watching me.” Her face is mocking me. “I thought you didn’t want to see me anymore?” she teases. “I do, but it’s best if we don’t.” “God, you make me want to rip my hair out by the roots,” she exclaims. “As long as I can rip it too.” “You have issues, Black.” She shakes her head at me. Stepping closer. Just as she’s in reach, my hand flies up to touch her eye. I want to take it away, the pain he’s caused her. “What do you need, Rose?” My voice is calm, but my body is anything but. The want for her is so strong. She starts to fidget, looking down at her hands. They clench and her fingernails dig into her hands. “I need to borrow some money.” “How much do you need?” “I need a lot…” she hesitates. I give her a card from my pocket and a pen from the table. She looks at it. “This is a card, Black. What do you want me to do with it?” I look down and realize what I’ve given her. What a mistake it is. If she knew, knew what that card meant, she wouldn’t be giving me the odd look she’s giving me right now. “Write down your amount.” She puts the end of the pen in her mouth, steps back and leans on the kitchen bench. She looks to me then back to the card, and she writes on it. The pen scratching the card, then she hesitantly holds it close to her. “I don’t know if you have this. If you don’t please say so, so I can find the money somewhere else.” I hold my hand out. She doesn’t let the card go, just holds it to her chest. “Rose, the card. Now.” “I don’t think I can do this,” she says, about to tear it up. So I snatch it from her hands and read the amount. I have more than enough, I have money hidden everywhere, the amount she needs is under my bed.

“Wait here, Rose. Don’t move…” She scrunches her brows. “Tell me you won’t move?” “I won’t move,” she says. I walk away to my bedroom and pull the case from under my bed. It has more than what she needs. She can have it all. She doesn’t move. She’s standing there, hands clenched with the pen still in one hand. She looks up at me as I enter, hope written on her face when she sees the bag in hand. I hold it out to her, but she doesn’t take it. She stands there looking from me to the bag. “I have one condition. Well, possibly two.” “Yes,” she says. “When you take this money, the condition is I don’t want to see you again.” Her eyes go big, she looks hurt. “Second, I don’t want any of it back. It’s yours.” I shove the bag into her hands. Both hands come up and cuddle it like a baby. She looks from the bag to me. “You can’t mean that,” she says, shaking her head. “I do, Rose. Don’t contact me again.” “Why?” She drops the bag to the ground, stepping over it to reach me. I stand still, watching her every move. I lean in close, my breath on her ear. I smell her, she smells divine. I could never get sick of her… ever. “Black surrounds me, Rose. If you’re with me, near me, black will surround you, too. Then it will drown you. Taking everything you are with it.” “I’m not scared of the black, Black. I’ve been there. I’ve come back, and you can too.” I shake my head at her. She doesn’t understand. “Don’t contact me again, Rose.” “Kiss me. Kiss me one last time, Liam. Do it,” she pleads, her lips inches from mine. She angers me, calling me that name. After I have told her repeatedly not to. I grab her neck, squeeze it hard, and pull her to me. Our lips are touching but not moving. Her breath heavy on mine, her hands linger on my side. It’s like an earthquake. Your body rocks and the earth shakes beneath your feet. The smoothness of her lips, it takes over, hypnotizing you. That’s what she does to me, makes me forget. Makes me want to do anything, be anything for her. She gasps in my mouth. Opening, giving me access which I take. Like the greedy fucker I am, our tongues touch, mingling, creating a dance of their own. She touches me, goes against my rules, but I don’t stop her. Her hands touch my waist, she digs in. Showing me, telling me that she’s touching me. Daring me to make her stop. She manages to untuck my shirt, her hands now on my bare stomach. I pull away, our mouths still open. Breathing heavily. “Leave,” I say. Her lips are swollen. Pinker than they were mere seconds ago. She doesn’t listen and I reach forward to touch her, to break her trance. She jumps when I touch her ribs. Her hand flying there, to protect. “What’s wrong?” I ask and she shakes her head. She leans forward and picks up the bag. I grab her dress and lift it. Her ribs are bruised black and blue. “How did this happen?” “Don’t worry.” She shakes her head, stepping back, making me effectively drop her dress. “He did that to you?” I ask and she shakes her head. “Don’t worry, Black, you don’t want me. You don’t want me in your life. So don’t worry.” I see her fighting herself, holding back her emotions. But her bright blue eyes betray her. And I know right now is

the only time I could rid myself of her. To make it hurt, to make her move on. “You’re right. Leave now.” “Thank you, Black,” she says, sliding her glasses back on. She turns and leaves, but just as she reaches the door, she turns her head back. “Black is his soul,” she says, and then walks off.

CHAPTER 25 ROSE Courts are tiring, but worth it. It’s been six months. Six long, grueling months of fighting, surviving and wanting to take the easy way out. But it’s been worth it. I didn’t win, didn’t win full rights. A mother who disappears for years with no contact doesn’t have that right, so I got weekends, and will eventually, hopefully, manage fifty-fifty. Roger in the courtroom looked at me as if the last breath I was gonna take would be his. Robbie was my savior, and I also think because I had him Roger was careful with what he did and said around me. I don’t let Robbie around Isabelle. It’s not that he’s bad—no, he’s the complete opposite—he’s great to me. When I have Isabelle, I don’t want it to be anyone but us. I’m selfish, I only have limited time with her, and I have so much to make up for. “Mommy, mommy, some man is at the door,” she screams while I’m in the kitchen. She skips in, stopping at the kitchen to grab a cookie and runs out back out to play on the swings. I walk to the door, and when I see a tall, dark figure standing there, my heart skips a beat. When he turns, though, my stomach calms. “Hi, can I help you?” I ask as he looks me up and down. “She yours?” he asks nodding his head toward the back of the house. The house I was able to put a deposit on and buy thanks to Black. The man I haven’t seen in what feels like a lifetime. No one has ever kissed me or made me feel the way he did. I’m taken aback by his question. I don’t understand why he would ask that? It seems rude. “Can I help you, mister?” He smiles, noticing I don’t answer his question. “No, you gave me everything I need. Good day, Rose.” My name slips from his lips with a sinister smile. I shiver and shut the door, making sure it’s locked. That man has left me shaken, so when not even ten minutes later there’s another knock on the door, I’m afraid to answer it. Afraid of what will be on the other side. The knock comes again, and Isabelle runs inside, hearing it. Her smile is bright. She has so many of my features and for that I’m thankful. I don’t know if I could handle staring at a replica of Roger every day. “Door, Mom,” she says, walking past me and shaking her head, thinking I was ignoring it or not hearing it. She’s five and a ray of sunshine. I stop her before she reaches it, and I pick her up. She laughs when I tickle her, her smile making my worries disperse. I hold her tight, and when I open the door, I’m taken aback again. This time for an entirely different reason. My mother is standing there, an older image of myself, looking from me to Isabelle. Her hands go to her mouth and she gasps loudly. “She looks so much like you,” she finally says. I don’t reply. She looks so dejected when I don’t speak. Isabelle hides her face in my hair, covering herself. She notices Isabelle, how she reacts, and a tear leaves her eyes. “I wanted to say I’m sorry. I am so sorry, Rose.” Her head shakes back and forth. “I didn’t know.

Casey explained it to me. I should have believed you.” “Stop, please,” I say, placing Isabelle on the ground. I bend toward her. “Go and play with your Barbies, sweetie. I have to talk to this lady, okay?” She nods her head and looks to my mother again before she runs off down the house to her room. “You’re good with her,” she says, wiping the tears from her face. “Really? You think so? Last time I spoke to you I was a useless human being who shouldn’t be around her.” I throw sarcasm at her, then the harsh reality of truth about how she spoke to me. “I didn’t know. And everything he said… you just seem to… seem to be doing everything wrong. I only wanted what was best for her, Rose.” “And not what’s best for me? Your daughter. ” “You’re my number one priority, always have been. I’ve been searching for you for years.” “Didn’t look very hard, did you?” “Can we start over?” “I don’t think now is the time for that. I need you to leave, please. Roger will be on his way here to pick her up and I don’t want to waste my time arguing with you.” “Okay,” she finally says, just as Roger pulls up. His girlfriend sits proudly in the passenger seat of his car fixing her makeup. She doesn’t look up, she doesn’t care. He notices my mother and walks straight past her and into my house. I close the door on her face and follow him inside. “Who did you screw for this house, Rose?” he asks, looking around. I have only recently moved in. The first thing I did was Isabelle’s room, the rest is still a work in progress. I ignore his jab and go to her room. She’s on the floor, playing like I told her to. She smiles and runs to me when she sees me before Roger pushes his way through and grabs her by the arm and tugs her to him. She shakes her head, no, and my heart cracks. “It’s time to go, Isabelle,” he says, looking up at me and giving me the vilest look. “Bye, baby. I’ll see you next weekend, okay?” She looks up at me, her eyes the same color as mine, and she nods her head. I follow them out, waving to her as she jumps in the car. Roger pauses at his door, then walks back to me. “Stop fighting me for her. It will only end badly for you.” “She’s mine too. I won’t listen to your threats either.” I shake my head and he smiles. “I will do worse to you than drugs next time, Rose. I will ruin you,” he seethes. I step back, back in my doorway, and slam the door in his face. My worry of the stranger disappeared, as I need to be more concerned about what Roger has planned. He could hurt me worse, of that I’m sure.

I saw him once. He was watching me, his eyes followed my every move. He didn’t know I had spotted him, my glasses covering my eyes as I watched him watch me. I was walking out of the courthouse and I was a mess. I was amazed I had even caught sight of him. But seeing him helped take my mind off everything. Made that little black spot brighter. He left, not long after Robbie came out and placed his hand around my waist. I looked for him again, but he’d just disappeared.

Robbie comes to my house nearly every day after work. He brings me wine, or flowers, or dinner— every time it’s different. I haven’t slept with him, haven’t let anything go beyond a kiss. I know he wants more, I can feel it in the way he kisses me. How he brings my body so close to his. It’s not that I don’t find him attractive—he is—and I know I’m lucky to have him. Someone who’s so considerate of everything that I am, and that I do. It just feels wrong, though it shouldn’t, I’m not with him anymore. Haven’t been for a long time and I think it’s time I moved on. Let Robbie further into my life. He’s due here any second now. I’m in a silk nighty. It hugs in all the right places and puts my cleavage on display. My hair is tied up, sexy and messy. Red lipstick matches my nighty. I hear the doorbell ring, so I slide on a silk robe over my shoulders. When I open the door, he smiles brightly and looks me over. He’s wearing jeans and a casual white shirt. When I look at him, really look at him, he’s extremely good looking, he works out and he respects me. For instance, right now, he’s holding a box of chocolates and flowers. I take them and kiss his cheek, and he leans in wanting more and touches my waist slightly. I step away and grab his hand, pulling him inside. He shuts the door with his hip and follows eagerly behind me. “You staying the night?” I ask and he looks shocked. I’ve never let him stay the night. Our relationship, if you would call it that, is odd. More friendship for me, but not for him. “Really?” he asks in disbelief. I nod my head and he smiles.



CHAPTER 26 BLACK The time has come, I can no longer protect her any further no matter how hard I try. They all know. Know who she is. Her life is about to come to a stop. And so far, there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing I can save her from. I’ve been watching her for months but not gone near her. I’ve been keeping a safe distance. She’s still with that man, the police officer. I know him, he’s changed. He was one of the first investigators when I made my first kill. He eventually figured it out it was me, but never had any solid evidence to back that theory up. I watch from the outside, as the club members pull out of their house, only three members ride away— Pres, Jake, and another rookie. They don’t notice me, but I follow them all the way into the city. Panic sets in when I see him pull into Rose’s new street. The boys stay back, but Pres continues on. He stops at her house, gets off his bike and walks to her door. She opens it smiling. My eyes focus in on her, watching her reaction. Her face scrunches, unpleased with whatever he has had to say. Then the door is closed. Pres places his helmet back on, nods to the boys, and they ride off. I sit there contemplating what I should do. Should I protect her? I’m mixed, so mixed. But her daughter shouldn’t go through what I had to go through. No one should turn out like me, ever. Fifteen years old Liam I wasn’t always a bad kid, I wasn’t always beaten. I was loved once. Though with that love came the love of a cruel man, one who would do things to my mother when no one was around. She loved with a fire, a fire so bright it could light up a room. The way she used to smile, dance, hug, it was an awesome feeling. She gave it her all, except she had horrible taste in men. My stepfather being one of them. I remember the day clearly like it was yesterday. It was the turning point in my life, the day I started to do bad things, the day I became the bad thing. I left for school on time, my mother kissing me on the cheek, telling me how much she loved me. I should have realized something was off, the way she said those words to me were different than how she usually talked to me. It was like she wanted them imprinted in me. “I love you so much, Liam. Never… ever forget it. You are my sunshine.” Those words sometimes haunt me still. The look in her green eyes, the way she hugged me for those extra seconds. I should have stayed home. We didn’t have much to call ours. We lived in a one-bedroom apartment. The living room was my bedroom. I never complained, never needed to. She never gave me a reason to. That afternoon when I arrived home from school the house was quiet. Usually there was noise,

some kind of noise—cooking, singing, something. She was always busy. I opened the door, but something was jammed behind it. I yelled for her, got no answer back. Then I kicked the door and it flew open. The lights in the house were off, the windows shut. A smell emanated through my senses so bad it covered every aspect of the place. I turned the kitchen light on first. The place was a mess. The decorations that adorned the walls— pictures of me in every grade at school were smashed on the floor. I walked to her room, not even bothering looking elsewhere. It was empty, except there was blood on her bed. My heart picked up and I started shaking. Then I ran to the only place I hadn’t checked. Where I sleep—my bedroom. I fell to my knees, the breath I had left me and I was struggling to take my next. She was there on my bed. My blanket wrapped around her throat, dried blood pooled on my bed. I vomited, and then I crawled to her. I touched her and she was cold, so I tried to warm her. I couldn’t. She was so stiff I couldn’t move her. When I picked up my pillow, I noticed a card, it was in her hand. I found it odd, just a single card lying there all by itself. Then I read it. “Death calls Death.” I’d seen that saying before. It was tattooed on a man, a very powerful man, a man I wanted to kill and make him pay for what he did. I was now known as Black. Black as the night sky, Black as my mother’s dried blood. I would get revenge for her, and then I would ruin him… slowly. My mind is made, her daughter will not have to go through what I went through. Somewhere along the way my mother became a lost memory and I’d forgotten why I do what I do. But now, now I remember, and I won’t let it happen again.

I saw him enter, but I really don’t care. He will be leaving because she and I need to talk. It’s time she knows the truth. I knock on her door, hard. I hear a scuffle, then the door flies open, and she’s standing there in a baby doll nightgown. I want to tear it off of her. My eyes rake her up and down, taking in every inch of her. When I finally look into her eyes, they’re burning gray. Not her usual blue. She’s pissed, pissed at me. I can tell by the way her eyes bore into me, her stare so lethal that she looks like she wants to castrate me. I instantly want to save my cock, but then I also want to give it to her. “Bad time,” she announces with rage, then tries to slam the door in my face. My foot stops it and the police officer walks out. His shirt off, her red lipstick smeared on his face. My blood begins to boil, my fist clenches hard. He looks at me with surprise, followed closely by anger. He grabs Rose by the hips and brings her behind him, planting himself in front of me. She looks surprised. “You need to leave,” he says, seriously and full of animosity. “Rose,” I say, looking behind him. Ignoring him. “Remember how I did something for you? Well, now you need to do something for me.” Her eyes close and dickhead looks back to her and then to me. “Tell him to leave,” I say, watching her. “I don’t think so. You will be leaving.” He goes to shut the door in my face, but Rose stops him.

“I’m sorry, I really need to talk to him,” she says to the douchebag. “I’m not leaving, and you don’t owe him anything.” His arms cross over his chest. His hands are clenched at his side, his face is tight, gritting his teeth. I walk in past them and look around. I hear the anger in his voice when she asks him to leave again. Then I hear the door slam loudly like it’s about to break from the hinges. She has flowers everywhere, two glasses of champagne on the table in front of the couch, and her cover slip is on the floor. I now know why he’s pissed, he was about to get lucky and I can’t help but laugh. Stupid fucker. “I can’t believe you just did that!” Irritation is evident in her voice. She picks up the slip and wraps it around her body, covering herself from me. “Why? He wouldn’t be able to fuck you like I do anyway.” Her mouth opens, and then she closes it. Not bothering to answer me. “Do you miss me, Rose? Do you miss the way I make you scream?” She stands there, not answering me. I take a step closer. Why? I have no idea. She floods my thoughts, making me forget why I’m here. “You needed to talk, Black, not fuck me.” Her eyes bore into mine, but lust is evident, and now I’m hard. “I changed my mind, wipe that shit from your lips and come back so I can fuck you.” “Fuck off,” she spits at me, except her nipples are hard and peeking through her thin slip, which her wrap is exposing. I step forward and pinch one. She screams and jumps back. “Just lose the clothing, it will make it that much easier for me to slide inside you.” I start undoing my pants, remove the belt, and then slide my shirt off. She’s standing there watching me, but not moving. I throw my shirt on the floor, and she starts squirming where she’s standing. I kick my shoes off, then my pants. I’m now totally naked and hard as fuck in front of her. “I can’t do this,” she says while letting go of her slip, showing me cleavage. Her head shakes back and forth. But her eyes say yes. “If I can touch you. If I can touch you anywhere I please, I will let you fuck me,” she says, now looking at me. My mind is screaming no, but my body doesn’t care. It wants her. Any way I can take her. “Soft,” I say finally. She smiles, then slides down the strings that hold her nighty up and it drops to the floor, leaving her naked and wanting in front of me. I step closer, but she holds up her hand when I reach for her. Stopping me. She bends forward, kissing my chest, then works her way down. Kissing between my breast bone, then my belly, all the way down ‘til she’s on her knees. She kisses my cock, my breathing heavier than from her touching me. Her hands come up and grab my ass. Then she takes me, all of me, into her mouth and a loud groan escapes me. Fuck. Her hand on my ass, squeezing, her mouth wrapped around my cock, pleasing. I came to protect her, and now I’m here to fuck her. What a fucked up life I live.



CHAPTER 27 ROSE He allowed my hands on his body, to roam, to kiss, to touch. His face was pulled tight like my hands and mouth would hurt him, his hands dug into his thighs the entire time. He’s so broken, so unsure. Though now, now as I lay next to him on the floor of my living room with my hand on his chest, my leg draped over his, he isn’t tightly wound, he’s relaxed. And he’s looking at me, with such expression, more than I have ever seen on his face. I give his beard a pull, and he smirks at me and pulls me tighter to him. As I lay there after multiple orgasms, in complete bliss, I think of what a bad person I am. I was just with Robbie, I thought I could go to the next stage of our relationship with him, but I couldn’t. As I kissed him, I just kept thinking that this isn’t right. There was nothing there, not in the way Liam makes me feel. Even if he doesn’t know it yet, what we have is real. So unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I touch my lips, his fingers there not long ago. Wiping the lipstick away, removing the other man. Then he made me forget him when his lips touched mine and devoured me. “How do you love someone? Is it a feeling? Is it knowing?” he surprises me with his question. It takes me awhile to answer him, to gather the words I need. For him. “It feels like when you’re not with that person that something is missing. It feels like something inside you is crying. It feels like more than words can describe. You don’t know when you love someone, love is just a word. You feel it, you feel it like something is ripped into you, taken over, and holds something in you that no other can replace.” I turn to look at him. His eyes are shut and his expression soft, like the words I just described etched themselves onto him. “Is she as beautiful as you?” he asks, looking around at the toys scattered in the room. “She’s better,” I say, smiling. “I don’t believe it. Possibly the same,” is his retort. “You think I’m beautiful?” I nudge him. “I think you’re bewitching.” I turn to face him, but his eyes are closed. “Bewitching?” “Yes, you bewitch me. And I can’t seem to make it stop. Make it stop…” he pleads with me. His eyes are still closed tightly. “Can I have you?” “You already own me,” he says on a broken whisper.

I wake to a knock on my door, and it doesn’t stop. The banging becomes louder and louder. I turn to see Liam asleep in my bed. He carried me in last night when I fell asleep on the floor with him. He kissed me awake when we reached the bedroom, and he made love to me. It was different than the last time. His eyes watched mine, intensity staring back at me. My hands held his hips, holding him to me. He kissed me until we both came, then sleep took us away with him tucked in next to me, making the world feel right. I sneak from the bed, trying not to wake him. When I open the door, Isabelle is standing there with tears running down her face. I look around for her father and don’t see him anywhere. She runs into my arms and almost knocks me over. I pick her up and cuddle her to me tightly. “Baby, what’s wrong? Where’s your father?” She hiccups a few times before she finally answers me. “I ran away, mommy, I want to live with you.” I hug her tight, my heart breaking and never wanting to let her go. Her school is only a few houses away, we walk her from my house on the days I have her. She must have memorized it. I take her to the kitchen and start to cook some pancakes. She sits on the bench and watches me, licking the batter from the whisk. Her tears are now dried up and there is a smile on her face. Liam walks out, dressed in only boxer briefs, and stops when he sees me. Then he looks to Isabelle. He smiles at her, and I think it’s the first real smile I’ve ever seen. She looks to him, then to me, then she smiles at him. He’s consuming, most people see him as a threat. Would run from him, but I want to run to him. Never let go, and hope like hell that he never lets me go, but would he catch me if I fall. “Hi, mister,” she says, waving the whisk around. “Hi,” he says, scratching his jaw. I smile. He seems nervous. “Isabelle, this is Liam.” He looks to me then, his face scrunches at my use of his name. He doesn’t like using that name and soon I will find out why. “Black,” he says. “No, Liam,” she corrects, and I want to laugh. “Isabelle ran away from home today. And I explained to her it’s not a good thing to do that. Bad things could happen. Aren’t I right?” “Yeah… um… bad things.” He shrugs his shoulders and turns to go back to the bedroom. Isabelle hops down and follows him. “You my mommy’s boyfriend?” she questions. I can hear shuffling. He’s trying to get dressed. “I don’t know, kid.” “I think you are. She hasn’t let me meet any of her boyfriends before.” “How many has your mom had?” “I don’t know, but I haven’t met any.” I’m about to laugh when my door is kicked in. The noise so shatteringly loud Liam runs from the room with Isabelle tucked under one arm. He looks at my shocked face, then passes her to me. He’s now fully dressed. He pockets something, it looks like a gun, as my heart rate picks up. A gun, around my child. “Where is she?” a voice screams. I place my hand on Liam’s arm and shake my head. I hand Isabelle back to him, and she tucks her head in the crook of his shoulders. Crying. He looks to me, then to the door. “Don’t go out there.”

“I have to talk to him, please just calm her down.” I kiss her cheek and he looks at her sideways. I grab his hand and show him how to pat her back. He shakes his head and I walk out. Roger is standing there, his whole body tense, his fists clenched, his breathing is hissing through his nose. “You think you can take her from me? You think you can do that?” “I didn’t take her, Roger, she came to my house this morning. I was about to call you.” “Bullshit! You are nothing but a fucking whore. Spreading your legs for drugs to get my fucking child.” Liam steps out then, Isabelle tucked right into him. His hand is still patting her, and his face is the scariest thing I’ve seen. And it must be for Roger too, because he shuts up immediately, his face going white. “What did you just say?” The venom in his voice is spilling out. His hand is still patting her, calming her. “Black,” he says, looking at me then back to Liam. How does he know him? “What she said is true, we woke up to her this morning. And if I ever hear you say that again to the mother of your child, you will wish I hadn’t.” Roger’s head nods up and down, and I stand there stunned. My head is flying back and forth, wondering what’s happening. Roger has never shown fear to anyone, but fear is written all over him as he looks at Liam. I take Isabelle from Liam and kiss her and hand her to Roger. She apologizes and he accepts. She runs to the car outside, stopping to wave to Liam with a smile. “How do you know each other?” Liam’s head swings to mine and Roger smirks. “She doesn’t know?” he states, the devil shining straight through him. “Know what?” “Leave,” Liam barks at him. He moves straight away walking out and leaving the house. Liam goes to fix the door, totally ignoring my question. “Liam, how do you know him?” “You don’t want to know, Rose.” “I do, I really fucking do, Liam.” “Let me fix this door first. Go and change, then wait for me.” I do as he says as if I’m on autopilot. I change my clothes, make the bed, then clean the kitchen. He comes out when I hear the door close, and sits away from me on the opposite couch. “Are you going to talk?” I ask him. He’s watching me but not speaking. “I’m contemplating if it’s worth you knowing… if it’s worth losing you.” “Why would you lose me, Liam, when have I not been yours?” It’s true, even after all these years his kiss has never left my lips from the time I was sixteen years old. He shakes his head, his hands pulling down on his beard. “Tell me, Liam!” “I traded you.” I don’t know what to make of that. What does he mean? “Huh?” I question him.

“Your husband sold you as a debt to be paid and I traded you for information.” My hands cling to the couch, my eyes open wide in shock. “Sold me?” I barely breathe. “Yes, I did a job for him. He couldn’t pay me, so he sold you… to me. I traded you.” “You didn’t want me?” I don’t know why that’s the only thing I ask, that’s all that seems to escape my lips. “Yes, I didn’t know, didn’t know it was you.” His head shakes, and he runs his hands through his dark hair, pulling it to the side and styling it and not even knowing it. “Explain it to me, Liam, explain it all right now.” My hands are shaking, I don’t understand what he’s talking about. “I kill people for a living, Rose. It’s my job. Roger hired me. I’m the most expensive and the best at what I do…” he pauses to look at me, his hands holding each other in front of him, and he’s bent over watching me. “I knew what you did was bad, but killing? I didn’t think it was that. How can you do that? How can you live with yourself after taking someone else’s life?” I thought I knew who he was. I was so wrong. “I live day by day, Rose. I don’t let anyone in. I don’t let anyone touch me. I lock myself from the world. No feelings are necessary.” “That’s why I can’t touch you? You don’t want to feel?” His nods “It’s real when someone touches you. When someone cares for you.” “Tell me the rest.” “As I said, you were payment. I had that payment collected, then sold. And before you ask, I didn’t know it was you. Full payment was made when I sold you.” He sold me? How did I not know this? My mind wondering why I can’t remember, then it slams into me.



CHAPTER 28 ROSE TWO YEARS AGO. I was lying in bed, my daughter was screaming for me to wake up. But I was so tired, the last couple of days taking a toll on me, rendering me incapable of the slightest movement. I opened my eyes, and there she was, her beautiful blue eyes hovering over the top of me, her long blonde hair hanging down her cheeks. I would move for her, I would do anything for her. “Lay with Momma, baby,” I said, lifting the bed sheet, letting her climb in with me. She laid on my chest, singing me her new favorite lullaby she had learned at daycare. Her voice was wooing me to sleep again. I woke again with Isabelle not on me and the sheets pulled off. My arm was strapped, Roger sat at the end of the bed dressed in a suit, staring at me. He made me sick, I couldn’t stand him. Every time I opened my mouth, I was punished somehow or in some way. Last week it was a beating, followed by drugs, this week it was just drugs. I hated it the most when he fucked me when I was high. How he whispered in my ear what trash I was. But all the while still fucking me. “Where is she?” I barely squeezed out, the drugs he must have shot into me taking effect. He stood at the end of the bed, grabbed his shoes and placed them on. “I don’t want to see your face again. If I do, I will remove Isabelle from you permanently,” he threatened. I didn’t quite understand what it was he was talking about. He walked to me and looked down at me. His lips came inches from mine, and then he kissed me. And all I could do was sit there, stunned. What was going on? When his lips left mine, his palm of his hand connected with the side of my face knocking me back to the bed. “You couldn’t even make it real, one last time,” he seethed at me. I was still lost, I had no idea what was going on. “Don’t struggle too much, they won’t like that,” he said. He opened the door and there stood three men, all dressed in black biker vests covered their chests. The older one walked to me, assessed me. Then smiled. My eyes closed, and then I was gone. I woke this time to the needle being stuck into my arm. The older man who I last saw was sticking it in. Someone came in and called him Pres. Of what? I still didn’t understand. Why was I there? I just wanted to be back with my daughter. He left me high, coming back an hour later. Rubbing himself in front of me, then started to undress me. I slapped at him, managed to remove myself from his touch. He laughed and knocked me out. I didn’t know how much time had passed, all I knew was that I would do anything for my next hit. My skin was crawling, my body aching, and I was completely naked. I don’t remember what happened, I only got glimpses of me fighting the men off. Then nothing. I stayed for so long, what seemed like an eternity. Only getting fed when the Pres said he didn’t want me so skinny. That I was special. I didn’t believe him, though, he was sick—a sick old bastard. One I wanted to cut and punch as much as I did Roger. So much hate I had for two men, so much.

My mind started to forget things, soon I was almost forgotten. No one visited me like they used to. I hadn’t seen myself in a mirror for months. I guessed my looks may have had something to do with that. I didn’t care, though. I didn’t want the attention from anyone. I just wanted the drugs. I forgot who I was most days, everything seemed to blur together. Then there was Black, the only thing that ended up clear. The only person who pulled me from that place.



CHAPTER 29 BLACK Her head is down, her body tight. Her head comes up slowly, her eyes mixed with anger, hurt, and frustration. She looks down to my hands and back up to me again. “You sold me to those men?” She remembers now, remember them. Her head shakes and before she gets a chance to speak, she jumps up. Fear written on her face. “What’s wrong?” I ask her, staying seated so I don’t frighten her even more. “The man that took me. He… he was here yesterday. At my door.” Her hands fly to her mouth. She looks around, her eyes searching for something or someone. “I know.” Her head swings back to me. “You know? Know what?” “That he was here.” “How?” “I followed him, that’s the reason I was here.” “Are you here to save me, Liam Black?” She laughs, but her laugh isn’t a happy laugh though. It’s a mocking laugh. “After you sold me?” The laugh dies on her lips. “I don’t save people, Rose. I’m the fucking executioner.” “What are you going to do?” I stand in front of her. “What I do best, Rose. Execute.” She sits back down, her hands running through her hair nervously. She looks to me, then back to the floor, then to me again. “Who are they?” she asks. “Bad people. People with a lot of backing.” “I won’t see you ever again, will I?” She knows the truth, it’s in her eyes. Once I go down that path, there’s no way out of it. “No, you won’t.” “What if that’s not what I want?” “It doesn’t matter.” “It does, Liam… it does.” A tear slips from her eyes and she doesn’t bother to wipe it away. “Do you want a life with Isabelle?” She doesn’t hesitate when she answers, “Yes.” “That’s what I will give you. I will make it right, reverse the wrong that happened to you.” “But I lose you?”

“You do.” “Do you think you could have loved me, Liam Black?” More tears fall down her cheeks now. “I do, Rose Miller, ever since I was sixteen.” She sobs now, tears staining her face. I walk forward and wipe them away with my thumb. Her hand reaches up and captures my hand. “Don’t make me choose.” “You don’t have to. I’ve already decided, Rose.” She grabs my hand and takes me back to her bedroom, her red sheets a mess from where we slept. She pulls me down with her, and I tuck her into me. And we just lay there, no need for more words. She hugs me, and I hug her. I turn her head to me and lay my lips to hers. She tastes of maple syrup from the pancakes. She opens her mouth and kisses me. The salty tears are what I taste next, but I don’t stop, neither does she. She climbs on top of me, removing her dress, now completely naked. I didn’t expect this, didn’t think she would want to know me after what I told her, but here she is kissing me with tears, loving me like I’m a man. She’s never been on top, always below. I’ve always had the control, but she’s now taking it away, and all my clothes with it. There’s no foreplay needed, this isn’t a game, this is what she wants. She slides straight onto me, gasping as she does. Her head goes backward, tears still run down her face. I pull her to me and kiss her face, kissing away all the pain I have single headedly handed her without knowing it. “I can’t erase you,” she whispers, pleasure taking over her body. I lift up and slam into her, giving her the pleasure she desires, then pull her down, sliding in and out of her. “Don’t then.” She screams my name, the tears joining in.

I don’t know how long we lay there for, but we eventually we fell asleep. I wake to her getting dressed. She sees that I’m awake and throws my clothes at me. “We need to go back, back to where it all began,” she says smiling, but her smile is laced with sadness.

We’re back to where it all started, the water calm below us. It’s still green, but the fences to get in have been wired shut and I had to make a hole for us to get in. She stands at the top the swimming hole. It’s a long way down. I haven’t been here since the last time I was with her. The water looks stiller today than I’ve seen it before if that’s possible. She laces her fingers through mine like she did the first time. “I don’t want to be loved again. I just want yours,” she says, referring to what she said all those years ago, about wanting to love. “One…” she starts the count, “…I don’t want to lose you.”

“Two…” she continues, her hand squeezing mine, “…I don’t know if I can breathe without you.” Her voice begins to shake. “Three…” I finally say, exactly the same as last time, “…Isabelle needs you.” Her eyes close, then we jump. We stay in the water, just the two of us, swimming and kissing. Getting lost in each other, remembering each other. “I thought I loved him,” she says as I hold her, her back floating in the water. Her head on my shoulder. “He tricked me, he needed a child. It was part of his inheritance when his grandmother passed away. She left it all to him, thousands, and the condition was that he had to become a father first.” “He used you?” “He did. Then he disposed of me like I was nothing but trash.” “You are anything but, Rose.” “I know that now, Liam, but the thought of it still hurts. Though out of all of it, I got her. So it was meant to happen, you know?” “I don’t know.” “Does it hurt you the thought of losing the person you love?” she asks me. “I haven’t loved anyone, Rose.” “You haven’t?” she asks, surprised. “No…” I pause thinking on the question, “…but the thought of losing you hurts.” “I’m glad, it means you care.” She smiles, swimming around so she’s facing me. Then her legs wrap around mine. “You are a great man, Liam Black.” “No! I’m not, Rose.” “You are, you just don’t know it. Not enough people have told you. Listen to me when I speak it. You are a great man.” “If you say so.”



CHAPTER 30 ROSE He hasn’t left my house at all. He’s been here for two days straight. He’s waiting for something, but I’m unsure of what. I’ve been ignoring Robbie’s phone calls, unsure of what I should say, or be saying. Today I have Isabelle, and it just makes the day even better. I have to pick her up. Liam has been taking me to work every day and picking me up. Today I drove myself as I need to pick up Isabelle. I don’t know what he does when I’m at work, and I don’t really care, as long as he’s there when I come home. Roger answers the door. He looks me up and down and sticks his nose up at me. “He told you yet?” he asks, smugness in his voice, thinking he wouldn’t. “Yes! You’re a fucking evil man,” I spit at him, wanting to throat punch the cunt. “I’m surprised, you must be a better lay than you were before. Especially to hook a man like Black.” “Oh really? I thought it was your small dick that was the shit lay.” He steps closer to me. His fist at his side is bunched like he wants to hit me. “Watch what you say, Rose. I still have our daughter full time.” “Please don’t threaten me.” Isabelle comes running out and straight into my arms. I don’t say goodbye. Instead I grab her bag and walk off with her. I tell her on the drive about Liam that he will be at our house and she claps excitedly. He’s at the door when I pull up. Isabelle runs from the car and straight into him, hugging his legs. He looks down, unsure of what to do. Then she tells him to pick her up like she understands that he doesn’t know. He does, and she wraps her little arms around his neck. His eyes are wide, and he looks to me for help. I walk past him, slapping his ass, and he laughs. The first ever laugh I’ve heard from him, and it stops me in my tracks. Making me turn to him, it’s a beautiful laugh. “Don’t say a thing,” he warns. He puts Isabelle down to the ground and she runs inside. He grabs my hand stopping me from going in after her. “I have someone here.” Panic sets in. I get my hand free and run inside to where Isabelle is and see her sitting on the floor talking to a little boy with blond curls. “He’s harmless,” Liam whispers into my ear from behind me. “Hayden, you remember Rose,” he says, to which the little boy’s head turns around. His eyes are black. Shock radiates through me on a gasp. “Hi, miss,” he says, turning back to Isabelle, who’s claiming his attention. “What happened to him?” “I don’t know, but I’ll find out tomorrow. He’s staying the night.” My hands fly up to my hips, not because of the little boy—no child should be put through that—but because he’s saying what goes. “Oh, I’m sorry. Is this your house?” I ask. I’m just joking, but his face turns serious. His hand goes to pull his beard again, and all I want to do is pull that beard so his lips smash on mine.

“I can go,” he says, walking past me. And just as he does, I do what I’m thinking by pulling his beard and placing his lips on mine. I don’t let our kiss go long, too many little eyes around. But, boy, do I want those lips in other places as well. “Get your mind out of the gutter,” he says, breaking away. I smile and walk into the room. Hayden looks up to me and smiles. He looks thin for a kid his age. Like he isn’t eating enough. “When was the last time you ate, Hayden?” I ask, and his little head turns to me. “A day ago, miss,” he says like it’s not bad. I look to Liam to see him already cooking. I follow him in. “They don’t feed him either?” I ask, my heart breaking for this kid even more. “Not as much as he should be fed. That’s why he comes to me. I feed him and give him money.” “Where would he be without you?” I ask. “I don’t want to know,” is all the answer I get. “Will you go to his place? Take him from them legally, though,” I add, knowing what he could do. “Legally?” he questions. “Yes, legally, Liam. Get them to sign a form or something. They can’t raise a child, look how they treat him. How do you think he will turn out?” “Like me.” “I remember,” I say, referring to his bruises from back when I first met him. “You aren’t bad though, Liam, just dark in some places.” Liam cooks us chicken and veggies, and Hayden eats as much as he wants. As the kids are getting ready for bed, a knock sounds at my door and my heart rate picks up. I can’t answer it. I’m too afraid of what will be on the other side. Liam steps into the room I’m in and checks on me, then goes to the front of the house. I watch as he opens the door. Then I hear a familiar voice. Shit. I so didn’t want to have to deal with this. “Why the fuck are you here?” Robbie barks at Liam. Liam just stands there, hands crossed over his chest, not answering. Robbie spots me straight away and goes to take a step inside the house, Liam blocks his path with his body, and it’s a pretty big body to block. I walk up behind him and tap his shoulder. He relaxes just a bit but lets me through. “I have to talk to him,” I tell Liam. His head shakes no, but my eyes plead with him. He lets up and I walk outside with Liam watching us. Robbie starts to pace the front lawn, unsure of what’s happening, and keeps on looking back to Liam. “What’s going on, Rose? Because I’m completely lost.” He stops and stands in front of me. “I can’t explain it, Robbie. Liam…” I trail off, not even knowing how to finish that sentence. “You want him?” he asks, looking over my shoulder. I turn and see Liam in the doorway with Isabelle on his hip. “Yes, I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.” “I know, you were always one touch away… two heartbeats away.” “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be, just…” he pauses, looking at Liam again, “…just don’t trust him. He isn’t good.” He turns

and walks off, not saying another word as he climbs into his car and drives off. “I don’t like him,” Liam mumbles, bouncing Isabelle on his hip. “You don’t like anyone,” I reply, stepping up to him. “That’s true, though I seem to have some feelings for a beautiful blonde.” “Me, I’m blonde,” Isabelle shrieks in his arms. “Well, make that two blondes,” he says, winking at me. And shit, fuck a duck, my heart just grew ten times its size and my girlie parts just melted. Fuck, that wink. Fuck.



CHAPTER 31 BLACK I have some papers that are done legally, as Rose likes to put it. She went that day to her lawyer’s office. Asked to borrow money, then came back a few hours later with papers for me to give to Hayden’s parents. I had strict instructions from her to not kill anyone. She made it sound like a joke, though it’s very true. I’m more than likely to kill. Hayden should be at school when I knock loudly on his door. A man answers. He has a bottle of beer in his hand. His singlet is covered in dirt, food, and God only knows what else. He raises his eyebrow at me and tips his drink to his mouth. “What ya want?” is the slur that leaves his mouth. The mantra in my head is now playing ‘Do not kill. Do not kill.’ I take a step back, wanting to rid myself of his smell. “You Hayden’s dad?” “What’s that little shit done now?” “Are you his father?” “No, stepfather.” “Is his mother home?” I look behind him and hear the smashing of cutlery. “Yeah, the bitch is cleaning. What ya want?” “I need to speak to her.” “You look familiar, boy. What’s your name?” I don’t answer him, he doesn’t need me to. He’s starting to figure out who I am. And I’m trying very hard not to kill him. The mother walks to the front door hearing us talk. She’s just as bad, in clothes just as filthy as this man in front of me. “Who are you? What do you want?” Hayden’s mother snaps at me. She looks just like him, the curls in the hair, the color of her eyes. “I need you to sign this.” I shove the paper out. She takes it and starts to read. Then looks up at me. “That boy is nothing but trouble, you don’t want him.” She goes to shut the door on me, but I catch it and hold it open. “Sign it,” I demand, my patience now wearing thin. “You gonna pay me to?” She looks me up and down. “Yes.” I have the money and I can afford to pay her. I would like more to shoot her, but money is the way to go. The way that will make Rose happy. I walk away and don’t look back. Rose rings on my way home and I don’t answer. I will when I have him. I went home, grabbed twenty thousand dollars, and now am back on their doorstep. Hayden answers the door this time and smiles when he sees me.

“Hi, Mr. Black,” he says politely. God knows where he got those manners from. “Get your mother, Hayden.” He nods and runs off inside, leaving the door open. He comes back not long after with his cheek red, a slap to the face is what I’m guessing he got for interrupting his mother. “You got my money?” Hayden looks to me then to my bag, then back to his mother. “Yes.” I hold the bag out, and she goes to take it. I stop her. “The form,” I say. She holds it up in her hands and shows me that it’s signed. I look to Hayden. “Grab your things.” He doesn’t move, just stands there. “I don’t have anything.” “I will need to check first, not giving you my only steady paycheck.” The nerve of the bitch. I open the bag, she looks inside and her eyes go bright. She’s probably never seen that much money in her life. No doubt she will waste it all, but it’s not my concern. She hands me the form and takes the money. I grab Hayden’s shoulder and pull him out the door. “Say goodbye to your mother.” He shakes his head no and doesn’t look back as he follows me out.

I’ve been at home with Hayden for about an hour, and he’s eaten so much of my food that I now have to buy more. He doesn’t seem to care that his mother just signed him over, actually he’s very happy about it. He thinks he’ll be living with me full time, but that would be a joke. I wouldn’t know what to do with him or for him. He’s now eating ice cream when the back door slams open and Rose storms into the house looking pissed off. Then calms down when she sees Hayden sitting on the chair at the bench. “It worked?” she asks, smiling at him, then looking to me. “Mr. Black gave my mother a lot of money,” Hayden interjects. I give him my best shut-up look, and he puts his head back in the bowl and continues eating. “You paid her?” she asks, stepping closer to me, invading me with her beautiful body. “Yes.” “A lot?” “Not enough,” I answer honestly. His life is worth so much more than what I paid. “You didn’t answer my calls.” She hangs her head. “Hayden, go to the spare room and watch television.” He grabs his bowl and runs off shutting the door behind him. I grab her waist, her pink lips an inch from mine. Her breasts pushed tight against me. “I was busy.” “You don’t like phones,” she says rolling her eyes. “Just admit it! You don’t like talking into them.” “I hate them.” “I knew it.” Her hands wrap around my waist and I don’t flinch. “He’s living with you,” I tell her, and she nods her head and places it on my chest. “I know, can’t have the big scary man look soft now, can we?” she jokes with me. Knowing what’s

coming, nothing we can do to stop it, he will be safer at hers. “I really need to taste you,” I whisper into her ear, and she shivers in my arms. Her head comes back, and she looks at me as she licks her lips. “Taste me,” she says as a dare. One hand stays on her hips, the other slowly traces its way up her spine. Landing on the back of her neck, her eyes are closed, her lips are pursed. My tongue darts out, tracing her lips with my tongue. She moans and then opens her mouth. Our tongues dance as she glues her body to mine. Grinding on me. I have to fight with everything I have to pull her back, to stop what’s about to happen as Hayden is in the next room. “You’re such a tease,” she whispers seductively. Then leans in to kiss me again. “Oi! You big piece of shit,” a voice booms from behind me. Rose tenses up, her body going stiff in my hold.



CHAPTER 32 ROSE I think the worst, my life has come to thinking worst case scenarios. I know it’s coming like a train, I feel the impending doom that it’s bringing. I try to not think about such things and just live in the moment. My life is finally right. Surely it can’t go wrong so fast, can it? Black drops his hands from my waist and takes a step around me, I still can’t seem to move, my legs are glued to the spot. “Come at a bad time?” the voice says from behind me. I manage to turn around and force a smile. It’s weak, but it’s there. Liam looks at me and shakes his head. “What ya need?” Liam says to the tall man covered in piercings and tattoos. I recognize him from the clubhouse. He’s a member. He looks me over, not answering Liam. Liam steps in front of me, blocking his view. “Just came around for a drink and to see how that job went.” He walks past Liam and goes to his fridge, pulls out a bottle of beer, opens it, flicking the lid into the trash. Hayden runs out of his room, hearing a voice, and smiles brightly at the scary man. “Little man, what you doing here?” He taps Hayden on the head and Hayden smiles brightly. “I live with Mr. Black now,” he says. The man looks over to Liam and raises his eyebrows in question. “How about shower and bed?” I say to Hayden. He nods his head and waves goodnight to the guys. “You?” he questions Liam. “No. Rose, he will be living with her.” “You think that’s smart?” he says back to him. “I do,” is all he replies. “Why wouldn’t it be smart?” I interject. He looks to me, then Liam, and shakes his head. “I’ve told her, Jake.” “And you think that’s smart?” What’s wrong with you?” Jake says, shaking his head. “She deserves to know.” “Since when do you care what anyone deserves?” “You think I shouldn’t know?” I ask, stepping next to Liam. Jake shakes his head. “I think you will get my boy here killed. And that isn’t acceptable.” “Me?” I ask in shock. “Yes, you princess.” “Enough,” Liam says. “I won’t get killed, Jake, ease the fuck off.”

“You won’t fight? Is that what you’re telling me?” He drops his bottle to the bench, stepping closer. “I’ll do what I do best,” is all Liam replies. “Exactly, then you will be hunted.” “Hunted?” I ask, shocked. “You know what he does, right? You know he’s the best, right?” I shake my head. I know what he does. “He aims for a target. He gets the target. End of story,” Jake says then looks to Liam. “Except this target will know it’s you, and they have an army.” A shiver breaks out over my skin. “I thought you came to talk about the job?” Liam changes the subject. “I came to tell you they have been talking.” Jake looks to me, then back to Liam. “I can’t do anything to save you, brother.” He hangs his head. He cares for him, he may act strong, but you can see how much he cares. “I don’t need saving.” “You do, fuck me, you do.” He shakes his head and picks up the bottle, downing the rest of it. He goes to the door when Liam stops him. “Promise me something?” Jake’s hand clenches on the doorway waiting for what he has to say. “Promise me you will get her somewhere safe when it happens.” “I can’t promise that.” “You can, Jake.” Silence fills the room. I stand there not saying a word, not knowing what to say or do. “I will… for you.” Then he punches the door and walks out. Liam stands there looking at the spot he just left. Liam walks out after him, leaving me standing there thinking the worst. When the worst is not what I want to feel. How do we shut down emotions so strong? I want to turn it all off. Nothing has happened, but the feeling that something is coming is torturing me inside.

I’m sitting on the couch when Liam walks back inside. He pulls at his beard, stress coating his handsome face. He doesn’t notice me as he sits, resting his hands on his bench and bends over. I sneak up behind him and wrap my hands around his waist. He turns fast and pulls me to him, hugging me for dear life. I remove myself and grab hold of his hand, pulling him to his room. The one place I’ve never been. I stand at his door, and he looks at it like he’s contemplating something before he reaches over and opens it. I see him inside, he takes a step forward walking in front of me then pulling me in with him. He shuts the door behind us and we’re encased in nothing but Black. I can’t see anything, not even my hands. Liam doesn’t seem to care as he pulls me in the direction he needs me in. He pulls me down to the bed and I land on him. My legs straddle him, his hands roaming my body. “They say I bring nothing but black, darkness. Though, when I’m with you, all I see is color, and fuck, it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen, Rose,” he says from between my breasts. I reach for my shirt and pull it free, then unclasp my bra. His head lifts while I do this, then he lays right back between them. His breath is heavy and hot on my nipple.

My body shakes, excitement fills me. He does this to me, puts all the right emotions back into me. How could someone with what they say is a black soul do such things to another human being? He isn’t what they say, not when he’s with me. He’s nothing but good, caring, and even loveable when he’s with me. “I’m going to claim you, Rose,” he whispers and his mouth touches my nipple softly, making me squirm. He licks it, then kisses it, then bites it hard. Pulling it between his teeth. “Why?” I ask, gripping his hair tight. “Because I will make you never forget me.” “I could never forget you.” “You did once.” “I didn’t.” He goes to my other nipple, then pulls at my pants. “You’re unforgettable, Liam Black.” He picks me up, flips me onto my back, then pulls my pants down in one swoop. I hear him taking his off. Then he’s kissing me, making his way up my legs, then my thighs. Slow sensual kisses until he reaches my pussy, spreading my legs wide over his shoulders. He pulls me to him. His breath is hot, his tongue is warm, and he licks. Then he kisses before he licks in that perfect spot, making my toes curl. I reach down to grab his hair, gripping it with my hands, my nails scraping his scalp as he tortures me with pleasure. He inserts a finger, his tongue still massaging my clit. Then another. I quiver, shake, and pull hair from his scalp as I try to contain the feelings engrossing my body right now. He kisses me one last time, it’s sensitive and I flinch before he’s off of me. I feel his hands grip the back of my legs. He pulls me so my ass is hanging off the edge of the bed. His cock at my entrance and he’s bare. I can feel his piercing. It's teasing me. I inch forward, wanting it. My need has skyrocketed, but he doesn’t give in. He plays, he inserts the tip in, then out, his thumb touching my clit. His cock is teasing my pussy. It's almost too much, too much to take. He does it again, and this time I can’t handle it. I push backward, removing myself from him. I stand on the bed, walking to him. I can’t see, I can only hear him. He’s close, so I touch his shoulders then wrap my legs around his waist, then reach down and position him. He laughs in my ear. Then holy mother of all God he’s inside of me. That feeling, I don’t move. He has other ideas. He wants me to move. He grabs my ass, slapping it hard as he does. Then he lifts me up and down. I’m almost too shocked to move with the sudden force of it all. It’s so much. He doesn’t care though, he does it again, lifts me then slams me back down. My head drops backward. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold on. It’s so much—the friction on my clit, the piercing of his cock, and the force of his fucking. It’s like I’ve left my body. Pleasure, so much pleasure. He slaps me again, and I can’t hold on any longer. One of his hands reaches up and wraps around my torso, holding me to him. The other stays on my ass, lifting me up and down. I come again, then I go limp. My body is now a dead weight in his arms. He drops me softly to the bed, then pulls the covers over me and flicks the light on. I see him walk naked, and I also see that his room is completely black, including the bed. His walls are covered with different guns and knives. It’s like an ammunition room. He doesn’t seem to care as he walks past a gun that look like a sniper rifle and walks to his closet. “Is it wrong to love you?” I ask from under the covers, my eyes feeling droopy. He turns and looks at me.

“It would only cause you pain,” he pauses and steps closer, dropping his head to my ear. “People don’t love me, they run from me.” And I believe him, but I could never do that.



CHAPTER 33 BLACK She begged me to go for a dinner, a dinner with people. I don’t socialize with people, no matter who they are. I go to parties to fuck, not talk. Her big blue eyes begged me, then begged me some more, then promised me dirty things afterward. I didn’t say no then. She’s nervous. She keeps walking fast, checking herself in the mirror, then checking Hayden. We came to her house yesterday, and Hayden’s now living here. She wants people to meet him, to love him. She spent her entire paycheck today buying him all the things he could ever need. He cried because he didn’t want it. He didn’t know how to accept such things. He’s never been anything given to him in his life. Now, when he looks at her, it’s different. It’s with admiration. He has the ‘Rose sting.’ “Best behavior,” Rose says as we pull up to her friend Casey’s house. I don’t know if she’s talking to Hayden or me, though I suspect she’s talking to herself more. Hayden runs from the car and stands by her side. She smiles at him and places her hand on his shoulder. I follow close behind and watch as a pregnant woman waddles out the door. She wasn’t that big last time I saw her. “Is she here yet?” Rose asks, walking up to her rubbing her belly. Sax walks out and nods his head to me. “Yes,” Casey says. Rose looks back to me and I walk up to her. She takes my hand, intertwining our fingers. “I can do this,” she whispers to herself. We follow them in and older lady smiles softly at Rose. Then looks to me and Hayden. Her smile is kind and a lot like Rose’s. “Mother…” Rose says on a shaky breath. “I’m so happy you invited me.” “This is Liam and Hayden.” She smiles at us and hands Hayden a present. He looks at it and doesn’t take it. He isn’t used to this kind of thing. He clings to Rose, so unsure of himself. She leans down and whispers in his ear, telling him it’s okay. “Thank you, miss.” “Want a beer?” Sax says, coming up behind me, I nod my head and follow him out back. Casey is in the kitchen cooking and waves a spatula at me when I walk past. “You two doing good?” he asks, nodding his head to the side. “As good as can be expected.” “She told Casey, I overheard.” “Told her what?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I have a camera on her house now. She’s scared, Black.” “She should be.” “What do you plan to do?” “I plan to kill them all… except one…” “Call me when you need me. I have resources you may need.” “You don’t want this lifestyle,” I reply dryly. After all, he has a baby on the way. “I don’t, but I also don’t want that for Rose. Call me when I’m needed. You know I’m good.” I nod my head. He’s right, he is good. A good asset to have in case it doesn’t work out correctly. Someone who’ll get her to safety if need be. “So you’re a father now?” His face comes up in a smirk. “Fuck off,” I tell him, walking back inside. Hayden is on the floor playing with a car, the wrapping paper next to him. That’s what Rose’s mother must have gotten for him. Rose holds her hand out for me when I enter, but doesn’t look up as she speaks to her mother. I go to her and she encloses our hands together as pulls me down to sit next to her. “Liam, you sure have made her happy,” her mother says. “Sorry, it’s Becca,” she says, giving me her name. I don’t answer her and stare at Hayden playing. He hasn’t smiled this much since I’ve known him. “You just meet?” Becca says, interrupting my thoughts. “No,” Rose says leaning her head on my shoulder. “We met when we were sixteen. He was at my school.” Her mother looks shocked. “What’s your last name? I may know your parents.” “Black,” I say. She looks shocked, her eyes going wide. Then she looks to Rose. “I remember your mother and your stepfather.” Her head shakes. My body tenses. Not what I want to hear. I don’t answer her again and her smile drops. She turns to Rose. “When will you have Isabelle again? I would love to see her.” Rose strokes my hand with her thumb and talks to her mother. I sit there anxious, anxious to do a job I should be doing now. Except I have a message sitting on my phone that I haven’t replied to in days. Because of Rose. She doesn’t approve of what I do, but it’s what I do. Just as I’m thinking about it, the phone beeps again and Rose looks over to read the message. She won’t understand it. I look at her and see her face scrunched up, trying to decipher what she’s reading. “Who’s that?” she asks, ignoring her mother now. “Work.” Her eyes go big. “I have to go,” I say, standing. She pulls my hand and won’t release it. “I have to work, Rose.” She releases me and lets me walk out the front door. I’m at the car when she stops me with her voice. “Don’t do it, Liam Black,” she warns. I turn to her. “I have to.” “You don’t,” she says, walking closer to me. “I do, it’s who I am. I kill people, Rose, and I plan to do that when those people come for you. I… will… kill… for... you,” I say, emphasizing each word. “I don’t want you to. It can’t be good, it can’t be good for you.”

“It is, it’s what I’m good at.” I kiss her cheek and climb into my car and drive off. My hands are itching to pull the trigger.

It’s quiet when I reach the address. I can’t see anybody around. I have a photo of the hit, but can’t seem to locate him anywhere. He’s not at the address provided. I’m about to walk away when I hear the roar of motorbikes. My phone starts ringing. I look at it and see it’s Jake, the bikes now coming into view. “They’re coming for you,” he says before I hang up. I raise my gun, aiming for the first bike, they also notice me at that exact same time. But they are too slow to move away from the first bullet that exits my piece. It hits one of their bikes, knocking one to the ground, the bike skidding along the path and the man smashing into the ground. The other one stops and climbs off with is hands raised. He removes his helmet and smiles. I recognize him straight away—Sergeant at Arms for the Coffin Soldier MC. “Black,” he says, smiling. “Zadist,” I reply. He looks to his friend who’s barely moving on the ground. “You know why we are here?” he asks, holding his helmet in his hands. “Yes! Do you know who I am? What I’m about to do to you?” I reply. “Black… Black… I know what you do. But do you think you can keep everyone safe? You’re evil, not a God.” “You threatening me, Zadist?” He laughs at me. “I didn’t want to be the one to do this. Jake asked for me to not. But Pres is the boss, and I do as he says. And when he says to kill someone, it’s what I do.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I didn’t want to either, Zadist, but it’s what I do.” I shrug back and shoot him straight in the leg. His gun is raised, but he’s too slow. The bullet whizzes straight past me, barely missing my legs. He doesn’t scream as he hits the floor, he just grabs hold of his leg, gripping it tight. I walk to him and pass another member on the ground, now trying to crawl back to his bike. I shoot him in the back and he stops moving. Zadist looks to him and starts laughing, then shakes his head. “They will hang her in front of you. Fuck her in front of you. Then kill her in front of you, Black.” “I know,” I whisper, I know how they work. I used to do their dirty work. He closes his eyes and I shoot him in the head, right between the eyes. I don’t bother calling my clean-up crew, they can be found. With my card on their bodies, I let them know they’re next.



CHAPTER 34 ROSE When he walks in, he stops in his tracks. A gun is in his hand and I notice it straight away and take a step back. He looks to me and then at the gun. He places it in the back of his pants and shows me his hands. It’s a sign that he won’t hurt me. I know he would never, but what that gun probably did tonight is hurt someone. He takes a step closer to me and I take a step back. He drops his hands to his side, tiredness showing in his features as he rakes his fingers through his hair. “Did you… did you kill someone?” I ask, my hands twitching beside me. “Do you want the honest answer?” “Yes,” I say, trying to stand taller. “Yes,” he replies. I sag a bit, the hope leaving me that he didn’t, but he did. “How could you?” I don’t understand it, why he does it. It will never make sense to me, no matter how hard I try to wrap my head around it. “They were going to kill me,” he says, and my head springs up in surprise. I thought it was a hit. “Who?” “The people that want what they paid for back.” “Me?” “Yes, you.” “It’s going to get worse now, isn’t it? They’re definitely coming now?” “They are.” I start to shake. I don’t know what to do. I won’t go back there, I won’t turn into that person again. He notices, his hand reaches up and touches me on the arm. I jump backward. His face changes to hurt. “I won’t hurt you, Rose.” He takes another step back. “I know,” is all I can say. I want to assure him that I feel safe when I’m with him. The words won’t leave my mouth, though. “I think it’s time you leave, and go as far as you can.” I shake my head, I can’t do that. I can’t leave Isabelle. “I can’t protect you and kill them at the same time, Rose. Please leave. Get your things and go as far away as you can.” My head keeps slowly shaking no. “I can’t do that, Liam, I won’t.” “Rose, they want to kill you.” A whimper leaves me. They don’t want me for the reasons I thought. Worse, they want to kill me. “You will save me won’t you? Won’t you, Liam?” I ask, hope sounding in my voice. He looks down to the ground, and I immediately feel bad asking those words. He shouldn’t have to save me, I should be saving myself.

“With my life,” he whispers, and I believe him. He would, he would give up his life for me. He thinks I’m more deserving of a life than him. I disagree, people might not realize it, but he is needed. He is needed so much. “I want your life, Liam, just me.” “It’s already yours,” he says, wrapping me in his arms.

After last night I hardly slept. Even in his arms I couldn’t sleep. I dropped Hayden off at school, and now I stand outside of Isabelle’s, waiting for her to come out. I stand there waiting for what feels like a lifetime when she finally comes out. She spots me straight away and runs to me screaming my name. The teacher sees me and waves. They aren’t fans of Roger, which I’m thankful for. “I missed you so much, Mommy,” she says, wrapping her hands around my neck. I squeeze her to me, soaking up her smell and her smile. The dark thoughts ease when she releases me. Will I see her again? Is it smart if I stay? “When can I come over next?” she asks me. “Maybe next week, baby,” I say. The teacher calls her back. She hugs me tightly before she runs away. Casey is there when I walk back to work. She’s standing at the entrance of my work, holding her belly. She’s about to drop, and she does not like being pregnant. “Is he it?” she asks as we reach the elevator. I know she’s talking about Liam. She likes him but doesn’t like what he represents. “Yes,” I say without hesitation. “And he makes your girlie bits sing?” She winks at me. “None of your business, but yes.” “I’m so horny, like all the time. Sax has started working late. I think I have oversexed him,” she complains. “Oversexed him?” I question her, holding in my laugh. “Yes, on top of being horny as all hell, they say it helps induce labor. And I tell you now, I’m over being pregnant and having a fat vagina.” “Oh God, Casey, please don’t say that to me again.” I cover my face with my hands and she just laughs at me. “How did it go with your mother?” “Good, I think she’s trying harder now.” “I think she is too.” “Hey, can Hayden stay at your house tonight? I have to get up early for work, and I don’t want to wake him.” She nods her head and kisses me goodbye. If I knew what’s about to come, I would have hugged her longer.



CHAPTER 35 BLACK Jake’s at my house, he’s sitting on his bike and his head is hung low. A smoke draped from his lips. He sees me pull up, stands, and nods his head. I know why he’s here. Even if it’s his father, I’m his brother. I’m more loyal to him than anyone he knows. I have killed for him, lied for him. “They know,” he says and my spine chills. “When?” I ask. “They won’t say, just that it’s soon.” He flicks the butt of his smoke and watches it roll away. “He knows you’re protecting her and he doesn’t care. He says she’s his.” “She’s mine,” I growl. He places his hands up in surrender. “I know, brother.” He lets his hands drop slowly. “They won’t tell me anything else, they know I’ll tell you.” “I will kill them, Jake,” I tell him, he must know that I will. I will take his father’s life. “I know.” “You plan to get retribution after?” “I won’t, the club will.” I nod my head. “Run, Black, take her and run. You’ll be a dead man walking if you stop it from happening. Your head will be number one on the hit list.” “She won’t leave.” “Why?” “Her daughter’s here.” “Fucking hell.” He shakes his head. “I want you to know that I love ya, man,” he says his final goodbye as he climbs on his bike and starts it. I go to the house, pack a bag and call her cell. It’s late and she has work in the morning. I know she’ll be in bed, snuggled up to her one hundred pillows. But I have to hear her voice first. “Liam?” She yawns into the phone. “I’m coming over,” I say then hang up.

The house lights are off when I enter, the front door closed and locked. I don’t bother knocking, she knows I’m coming. I use the spare key and unlock the front door. A smell hits me when I do, and it’s a smell I know only too well. Blood. I flick the lights on, see broken glass covering the floor. The back window is broken, blood is

splattered onto the kitchen bench and on the floor. I spoke to her not even an hour ago. They couldn’t have gotten far. Car tracks are what I find, footsteps as well—bloody footsteps. I run inside, completely forgetting about Hayden. I flick his bedroom light on, but he isn’t here. My heart rate picks up, did they take him too? I ring Casey. It’s late, so she doesn’t answer, but Sax does, and he does not sound happy. “I need your help,” I say, hoping I got him. “Man, Hayden is asleep, the girl is asleep. What you want?” he whines into the phone. I calm just a fraction knowing Hayden is there safe and not here. “They took her.” “Wait for me, I’m coming,” he says, and I hear his shuffling around. I don’t have time for this. “No, wait for me. I’ll text you the address,” he says into the phone, and I know he agrees and I hang up. My phone dings, and it’s from and unknown number. The message, though, is a picture of Rose with a band tied around her arm. Parts of her blonde hair red with blood. The message reads, ‘Say goodbye.’ A chill runs up my spine. They have her, and the picture of the surroundings does not look familiar. I’m strapped, I have a holster attached to my chest, a gun on each side and a rifle in hand. I drive to the clubhouse, the one I’ve frequented since I was sixteen. The one I learned everything from. The house now, it looks as shit as it is. Not somewhere I used to practice shooting at, not somewhere I meet my best friend. No, this place is anything but. It’s a living hell that I’m about to burn down. The place is empty, or so it seems. I grab the gasoline from the back of my truck. Moving upstairs first to where they kept the girls, none are there. It’s empty. I pour gasoline over the floor, the floor where I first saw her again after ten years. I pour it all down the stairs and into the main house. As I walk out the back I see a figure, but it’s not moving. I don’t want to go out there, it could be a trap. So instead I light the son of a bitch house on fire. I watch as it burns, the fire lighting up the night sky. Then I hear a moan… I know that sound. Legs run fast as I reach the end of the yard I see that the figure is strapped down by barbwire and underneath it is Jake. The barbwire slitting his mouth open, every time he moves it slices in deeper. I manage to get it free from his mouth, cutting him even more in the process. He doesn’t scream. His face just looks like agony. I don’t wait for him to speak, I immediately start freeing his hands and feet. He’s completely naked, the wire digging into all parts of his skin and cutting him everywhere. His nipple is bleeding the most, his nipple ring is missing, torn away. “Where are they, Jake?” I ask once he’s totally free. He struggles to speak, his mouth filling with blood. His lips bleeding. “Don’t know,” he manages to say as he sits up, wincing as he does. “I don’t have time for this. I’ll call someone.” I go to walk off, but his hand reaches out and catches my boot. “He worked it out… he knows you know,” he spits again. I don’t bother replying as I call Sax and tell him to get Jake. Jake has the resources I don’t for helping people. I have skills in other areas, bad areas.

I end up at the one place I should never enter, the one place that would be more than happy to see me locked up behind bars. Robbie looks up at me as I enter, he sits behind his desk on the phone. He looks to me then around the room as I walk directly to him. He seems shocked, his hand on his weapon. “Why are you here?” he asks, panicked. He must know a lot about me. “I need you to search someone, I need to know about previous addresses, owned properties etcetera,” I say. He looks at me like what I’m saying is false. “Why?” “It’s to do with Rose.” He straightens up and looks around. “Is she in trouble?” “Yes, don’t ask for more. Just give me what I need.” “It will take time, I don’t have that info on hand.” I hand him the Pres’s name and he looks at it with suspicion. “This man is the president of a motorcycle club?” No shit, Sherlock. “How long?” “Is she in trouble with these men?” “How long?” I ask again. “Give me a few hours.” He nods his head and starts tapping on his computer. I walk out, trying to recall every place I’ve been to with them, or done jobs for them. I know of two other properties. The first is empty, no one is there. The second holds a surprise, just not one I’m interested in. It holds his two members bodies, the ones I killed. I hear ticking, and when I follow it, it’s an alarm. It has ten seconds left on it. I realize what it is and run, but my legs don’t carry me fast enough as I get blasted from the door. My back lands with force into the fence at the front. The wind is knocked out of me. I struggle to breathe, which gives the person watching me a perfect opportunity to knock me when I’m down. It’s another member, one I’ve had drinks with. One that was one of Jake’s friend. Anger takes over, thinking what kind of brotherhood this is. Torturing one of their own, a brother, a son to the club. He kicks me hard, his boots encased with steel. It knocks me forward, sending me to my hands and knees. He laughs, then kicks me again, breaking a rib. I hear it crack in my rib cage, which drops me entirely to the ground. He goads me, saying what I piece of shit I am, that I shouldn’t have been allowed into club business to begin with. While he talks my breath returns. I move slightly, enough to grab my knife strapped to my wrist. He goes to kick me again, and he connects, but so does my knife stabbing him straight into his leg. He screams as the pain shoots through him, hopping backward, away from me. He doesn’t walk fast enough as I manage to stand. He notices I hold my ribs, hoping the pain will ease. It slowly does as I think of who they have and what I will do to keep her safe.

“Where is she?” One step closer. He hops back another step, and the pain shoots through me as I take another step. He shakes his head no, he won’t give me what I want. I will just have to make him.



CHAPTER 36 ROSE It's dark when I wake, I hear glass smash. Then hushed tones. Whoever it is, is trying to be quiet. My body freezes up, thinking that it’s them. That they’ve come, and what I will do? I can fight, always been good at it. But against more than one full grown man? I don’t know how I will do it. Footsteps are now in my kitchen, coming closer to my room. I crawl out of bed, taking my bat with me. It lays at the top of my bed, close to me if I need it. I almost want to kiss it for being so close. I take each step to my ensuite very slowly, knowing that there’s a connecting door. If I can reach that and run for the front, I should miss them. When I’m at the entrance of the door, a shadow comes over me. A man is now standing behind me. I didn’t even hear him, and he reaches down over my hunched body and goes to grab my hand. I don’t think as I swing the bat the opposite way, hitting him. I don’t know where it hits, but the sound he makes suggest it was his abdominal. He wheezes and then screams, letting the other men know I’m awake. Lights flicker on, and I turn to see the man on the floor breathing heavy and is dressed in all black. I run, bat still in hand, and hope I can make it to the front door without being grabbed again. Just as I’m passing the kitchen, the front door inches away, the bat is seized, and I’m flung into the kitchen bench. My ankle hurts, my head hurts. I must have knocked it hard. I see the Pres, his smile like the devil. He takes a step toward me and I manage to stand just as he reaches me. I don’t think as I kick my leg straight up between his legs, making him drop just as hard as he flung me. He now blocks my path to the door. I look around and just past the kitchen is the back door, some glass shattered on the floor from where they came in. I run to it and slam into a brick wall of a man. An enormous man, bigger than all these men combined. None of the skills I know would work on this man, I think he has fat even covering his junk. He’s scary as all hell. He laughs as he holds me. “Took two men down, a little thing like you.” He laughs harder. I reach out to the bench, my knife tray just within reach. So I grab one and cut the arm he holds me with. He drops me straight away, his blood now on my shirt and at my feet. “You little bitch!” he screams, holding the wound. I run, and I even make it outside. I go to scream, but I’m knocked down. Then I’m hit again and I black out.

I wake to swearing and my head pounds. My whole body is wracked in some kind of pain. I open one eye, trying to pretend I’m still asleep. I feel someone grab my arm, then strap it. I start to buck, kick, slap, and punch anyone around me. They’re not doing this to me again. I will not go back to that. “Aww… the bitch is awake,” a voice purrs near me. It’s the man from the bathroom. I recognize his

face. It has a large scar across his cheek like someone cut into him deeply. He’s bending down in front of me, watching me. “Don’t,” I say, trying to pull my arm away from him, but he doesn’t let it go. He holds on to it and squeezes tight, bruising me just by his hold. “Leave her,” a voice booms from behind him. The man I recognize now is the man who bought me when I wasn’t anyone’s to sell. The man with the scar backs up, his smile evil as he watches me on the ground. I look down and realize I’ve been stripped of my clothes. I lay on a dirty floor in nothing but underwear. The men’s eyes leer, making me feel dirty. “Didn’t think I’d see you again so soon, poppet.” Gray is his name. I remember that’s what he liked me to call him. “Too soon,” I reply dryly. Trying to sit up, my back screams in pain when I do. “I liked you better when you didn’t backchat.” “I liked you better when I didn’t see you.” “Cut her wrist,” he says to the man with the scar. I instantly pull my hands up to my chest. He smiles swinging a switchblade in his hands as he steps toward me. “Not an artery, though,” Gray states taking a seat on a chair and pulling his phone out. He doesn’t care, he’s one cold son of a bitch. The man with the scar pulls my arm from my body like it was no effort at all. While he does that he drags me across the ground, my back scraping on the floor. He sits on me, pinning my legs and arms down with his body. Then I can do nothing but watch as he brings the blade to my wrist and slowly slices, making me scream out in agony. “A little louder, poppet, he can’t hear you,” Gray says, pointing the phone at me. I hear Black’s voice. He threatens him, then it goes dead. And a part of me wishes I was too. “He didn’t sound too happy did he, poppet?” Gray says, walking up behind the man on top of me. He looks down and seems pleased, tapping the man on the shoulder to release me. “Ru, let her go.” Ru stands up from me, and I bring my hand to my chest again trying to stop the bleeding. But the only material I have is covering me, so I place it on my panties to try and stop the blood. “It could have gone a lot easier,” Gray says, looking now between my legs. “He could have just handed back what’s mine. But no, now I have to start a war with him, with a man who’s deadlier than all sin. Do you know what that’s going to do to my business, poppet? No, I suppose you don’t. It means I’ll have to start getting my hands dirty, start recruiting, because if I know one thing about Black and, believe me, I know him well, he would have killed all the men I’ve sent after him.” He seems pleased with that, like his own men don’t mean a thing to him like no life matters. “You’re sick. You know that, right?” “Didn’t you know, poppet, the best of us are. Black especially.” “You’re wrong.” “Oh, but I’m right. I take it you met Stella? Right?” A simple nod is all I give him. “Black killed her, shot the bitch right in the head. All because I told him to, and he will do the same with you because I tell him to.” “He won’t.” “But, poppet, he will. He isn’t wired normally, haven’t you realized that yet?”



CHAPTER 37 BLACK Her screams fill my ears, the ring of them stuck in there for a lifetime. Even after the call replays in my mind and in my ears. What did they do to her to get that reaction? How badly is she hurt? It’s time to play. I pace around him. He’s strung to my roof. His feet on a box, a rope tied around his neck. He’s waking up, he goes to move, realizing what a mistake that is and stays still. If he moves that box under his feet, he’ll hang by his throat. “I’m not a patient man, Evan, you won’t get many chances.” He looks down to see that he’s missing most of his clothes. The only thing that remains is his underwear. “What were your instructions for the night?” “He’s going to bleed her dry.” He laughs, which just makes me angrier, and I’m fucking angry as it is. I have a nail gun, a very good nail gun, it’s brand new and very fast. So when I shoot one off into his foot, it takes him but a second to scream. “What did you say again?” He starts to whimper and he doesn’t answer, so I do it again, eliciting more screams from his mouth. He still doesn’t answer, just looks at me with determination. His will is breaking, he may not see it, but I sure do. “Last chance before one goes in your ass.” His head shakes, so the nail goes right into his ass cheek. Making him scream bloody murder. I walk around, taking him in. He has a very long nail sticking out from both his feet and one in his hand which he now has positioned near his neck. Then the ass. I walk back around to it, placing the head of the gun on his other cheek. His body moves forward, and he speaks. “I was to knock you out… not kill. Bring you to him.” “Where were you meant to bring me?” He shakes his head no. I shoot him again, this time in his abdominal. “To the Hill,” he finally speaks. The Hill is a place where I’ve killed before, killed for Gray. It’s secluded and quiet. “What time?” “At nine.” I look at my clock, it’s almost nine now. The Hill isn’t far away, I know all the tracks to get there, it’s where I’ve done multiple killings. The man on the box looks at me, realizing I’m about to leave. My nail gun is placed on the floor and my gloves are taken off my hands. My gun’s back in my pants. He looks relieved, but he shouldn’t be. “I’ll see you there,” I say, just as a puzzled look lands on his face. I kick the box, hanging him from him neck, cutting off the circulation. He tries hard to free himself. It’s a lame attempt and I don’t have time to watch as he dies. I go, knowing exactly where I’m meant to be.

The whole hike up the Hill is quiet, nothing but insects on the way. I try to get as close as possible to the place where he will be. It overlooks the water, nothing but black water. I reach nearly the top and I hear voices the closer I get. Gray is talking, talking and yelling fast into his phone. I look for Rose and spot her in the arms of Ru. She’s hardly clothed, blood drips down her arm and she’s not awake. Ru places her on the ground, not gently, making her head bounce on the ground. Ru walks away, leaving Gray and Rose by themselves. I walk from the bushes. Gray spots me and doesn’t look surprised at all. “I figured you’d get the information.” He laughs, the sinister bastard. He looks to me and sees a card in my hand. A smile forms on his lips. “You worked it out, did you?” “You did it, you purposely turned me into the person I am today.” He nods his head, looking to the card. “I thought you’d join me, that you’d become one of us. You never wanted that, and I ended up accepting it. You ended up being a great investment, Black, even if I had to kill your mother to do it.” “You did it to have me?” I ask in disbelief. “Yes, and I’m about to do it again. I don’t waste money, Black. She will be loose change. You… well, you are my gold mine. I can’t replace you.” “You won’t have to replace me.” I smirk at him, and he starts to smirk too. Then realizes I’m not talking about what he is. “I wish you would reconsider.” He shakes his head, and I grab my gun. He looks behind me, and I’m knocked so hard on the back of the head I fall to the ground. I wake to Ru tying my hands behind my back, my legs are already tied in front of me. Rose sits on the ground, watching me. Gray is standing in the same spot, looking at his phone, then back to me. “You found my boy,” he says, and I know he’s referring to Jake. “He’s your son,” I say trying to break free. Ru pulls me back down, having the advantage over me. “Did he tell you… did he tell you what else I did?” He laughs like it’s all a game. “I let my boys play with him. The boys from prison. Can you guess what they did, Black? Can you?” He taunts me, an evil smile playing on his lips. “I’ll kill you for that!” “I knew it would hit a cord with you. He’s the only reason you stayed, isn’t it?” “Yes.” “He’s lucky I didn’t kill him. He disobeyed me. Betrayed me. He shouldn’t have told you. Shouldn’t have said we knew. This whole thing would have been a lot smoother if you didn’t know.” His hands wave around. He’s angry that I knew, that Jake told me. As I fight my restraints, Ru stands and Gray nods for him to leave. I watch as he walks away then stops, looks back to Rose and smirks.



CHAPTER 38 ROSE Liam’s face is so tight, so much anger emanating from him. His hands and legs are tied down. He can’t escape, and he can’t do anything as Ru takes steps closer to me, blocking my view of Liam. “I want to play a game, Black,” Gray says. Ru’s eyes are on my body, looking me over, lust evident in them. My skin starts to crawl. “I want you to choose. Choose which part Ru touches.” I try to move backward, the drop off the cliff just inches below me. I hear Liam struggle more. I can’t hear see him, Ru prevents me from doing so. “Touch her, I dare you to. See what happens,” Liam says. I’ve never heard that voice before and it’s scary. “Okay, I guess I will choose,” he taps his chin like he’s thinking, “her breasts, bite them.” Ru bends down so he’s on top of me. He looks to my bra, and with a knife, cuts the front part in half, breaking my tits free. I try to kick him, hit him, anything, but he’s stronger and I’m weak. My head is so sore. “Ru, I will kill you if you touch her,” Liam says. Ru laughs, like everything he says is a joke. And bends down and covers my nipple with his mouth, pinning me with his body weight. Preventing me from moving, it doesn’t stop me from trying though. I try to buck my chest away from him, when I do so I realize what a huge mistake that is, his teeth clamp down on my nipple, making me scream worse than I’ve ever done so before. When he lifts his head, I see blood around his lips. I look down, and see my nipple is covered with blood. It hurts and stings so badly. “Next one, Ru, we don’t have all night,” Gray says. This time, I feel his erection when he leans on top of me to reach my other breast. Vomit forces itself up into my mouth. Screams tear from my throat, my vision now blurry. The pain is too much to bear. I hear Liam talking, I just don’t understand a word he’s saying. Ru lifts from my breast then reaches down between us, freeing his cock, and I feel it touch my leg. The hardness of it. I close my eyes, hoping it will be fast, hoping it will end soon. “Ru, bite her lip.” Gray is getting him to mark me, torture me, so I’ll no longer be wanted. I feel Ru rub against me. His cock is getting off on the pleasure, I feel it between my legs. He smiles on top of me, thrusts hard over my underwear. Pushing my undies inside and brings his mouth down to mine. I turn my head, but he bites my cheek, then pulls my face with his hand to face him. I spit at him, and he smiles. “Get off me, you sick bastard!” I yell. Gray taps his shoulder. Ru stands, his cock out in front of me, and he tucks it back into his pants. I look to my side now that I can see. Liam is watching me. His eyes seem broken and I can’t do anything to assure him. I think I just broke.



CHAPTER 39 BLACK She lays there, her eyes dull as the first time I saw her again. No tears are in her eyes, just sorrow. Ru stands and walks away, leaving just Gray here. He looks from her to me and shakes his head. I try again to break free, knowing I need to touch her, comfort her in some way. Fix the broken that just appeared in her. “It’s time, Black. It’s time to say goodbye.” He shoots me, the pain not registering. The screams rip from her throat as she watches. She tries to move, but it doesn’t work. His smile is evil, so sinister, it breaks me. I know what he’s about to do, and what I’m about to see. He looks to her, raising his gun, I see it all in slow motion like it’s a movie and it’s terrifying. Nothing I can do will stop what’s about to happen, I can’t get to her fast enough, can’t stop him. It’s like my own nightmare, on replay in my head coming to life. Her eyes flick to mine, she sees it, and she knows what’s about to happen. Her eyes tell me so. I try to loosen my restraints and I give it all I’ve got. They break free and all I can do is run, run to be as close to her possible. His lips tip in a smile, his eyes on me, but the gun on her. The river flowing below is loud. I want to make it stop, make this very moment cease to exist. The noise is unlike anything I have heard, the pop. Then her eyes, a single tear forms, a single tear slides down her cheek and drops to her lips, her beautiful, full pink lips. Ones I’ve treasured on multiple occasions. Now replaced by blood and tears. He lowers his weapon as the ringing stops, and I don’t give him a chance to raise it again. I body slam him to the ground, disarming him of his weapon. It flies away from him and he tries to body crawl under me to reach for it, but I get to it first. His eyes are now shocked as I raise it above his head, aim it at him as he did to her. “Rose,” I say, it should be the last thing he hears before I kill him. He should know this is for her. His eyes open wide, the gun is now positioned at his skull. I click the trigger. Blood coats me and soaks the floor. His eyes are open, and he’s hopefully in hell. I hear a whimper, it’s soft, but it’s her. When I reach her, I don’t want to touch her, she’s covered in blood more so than me. Her chest now crimson red, her pink lips now bright red, her hands holding her stomach, clutching it, trying to stop the pain. It won’t, it can’t. “Liam,” she whimpers. I pick up her head, lift it and place it on my lap. Her eyes follow me as she closes them in pain at the movement. But I need to hold her, have to. “Don’t close your eyes, Rose. Don’t…” A pain so intense shoots through me. Like a piece of my soul just got ripped away. It’s excruciating. “I love you, Liam Black,” she says, and there it goes the last piece of me, shattered, bare for all to see. It’s ripping its way through me, the losing her, after finally getting her back. I can’t take it. My world ceases to exist. I could live before, just live. Now, I would die, die just to be put out of this misery. Though it is a misery I well deserve. “I love you, Rose Miller.”

“The pain is going.” A smile touches her red lips. I hear the sirens, they’re getting louder. Closer. “Don’t hide again…” She takes a heavy breath, her breathing coming in slow staggers. “Shine bright, Liam… the world is meant to see you.” “I can’t, not without you.” I touch her cheek and it’s cold. She closes her eyes, and I watch as the last breath leaves her mouth. It’s all black now, everything is black, just like me. Just like everything I touch.

Sax tracked us, that’s how the ambulance and police knew where to come. Sax was the first I saw as he ran up the Hill with a gun in hand. He looks to me, then down to Rose. He panics, takes off his shirt and covers her body. She’s taken to hospital, and the whole way her heart stops and restarts. Like a game, a game I don’t want to play. I pace the floor, the floor of the hospital. Stand, then sit, then pace. How do I control what’s happening in me. How do I make this right? How do I make her feel right again? I wait, wait for the doctors. It goes on for hours, and for hours I do the exact same thing—I wait. The doctor walks out hours later. Telling me I can see her now. My heart jumps, I actually feel it kick start again. She’s now in recovery and asleep. Her head was hurt badly, her nipples had to be restitched, her body needing time to repair. I watch her every day, only leaving when I have news, news that Sax has just brought me. He found Ru. The police stand at the front of her hospital room door, thanks to Robbie. They connected all my killings to Gray, it was originally him that killed people and left a card, the same one I have left at every kill I’ve ever done. No one suspects me, I was young when the killing first started, so the case is closed. I kiss her head, squeeze her hand, and walk out of that hospital going straight to my home. Jake’s there, so is Sax. Jake looks bad, like he should still be in the hospital. Maybe he should be. I don’t talk to them as I walk straight to my room, grab every weapon I can strap to myself and walk out. I follow the address and see it’s a strip club. One the club owns. He’s been hiding out there. He’s heard that his president is dead, now he hides for life. Jake and Sax follow me out. Getting in their own cars and following me until I stop at the destination. Security lines the outside. Jake walks up and tells them to leave. They give him an odd look, but technically he’s the president now. The music is loud when we enter, the place is in darkness. I look for him and don’t see him anywhere. Jake points to a back room and starts walking in there. I follow, and when he opens the door, there he is, dick in hand, a woman on the ground. Jake smiles and pulls his gun out, making Ru freeze mid-stroke. The girl on the floor screams and runs for the door. We let her pass. He looks to us, his eyes on Jake, gauging his damage. He pulls again, stroking his cock. I pull a knife from my pocket, walk up to him and slice his hand that’s on his cock. He pulls it back and a scream tears from his throat.

“You bastard!” he yells. Jake has a rope in his hands. He walks to one side of Ru and I walk to the other. There’s a table in the room. Sax hits him with the blunt of his gun, knocking him out, and we lift him to the table. Jake starts tying him down. “When will they be here?” I ask Sax, and he scratches his bald head. “You sure you want to do that?” he asks. “Sax, when?” I ask impatiently. He pulls his phone from his pocket and looks back up to me. I haven’t slept for days, just sitting at her bedside, waiting for her to speak, to see me. “You have ten minutes.” I nod my head. Jake has stripped Ru completely naked, and he’s just starting to rouse. He pulls against the ropes that have tied him to the table, but has no luck. Jake’s made sure of that. “We’re going to play a game,” I say to him. He looks panicked for a second, then laughs. “That’s all you got? Cut me, I love it,” he says. I nod to Jake, and he grabs the barbwire from his bag and starts strapping it around his mouth like a cloth, stopping him from speaking the same way Jake was. I walk to his hand which is placed on the table and let the coldness of my knife touch his pinky finger. He looks to it, the wire cutting his mouth each time he moves. Jake smiles. “I think the game we should play should be Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe,” I say, touching each finger. “Moe,” I say, smiling at him before slamming the knife down on his pinky, cutting it away from his hand. “Black,” Sax says, looking at the finger on the ground in shock. Jake has a smile on his face. “There here,” he says. Looking over his shoulder, a group of men walk in. Looking around, but the leader has his eyes on Ru. “Sax.” He nods to him as he enters. These men are dangerous and perverted. Men I wouldn’t associate with. Sax has, though. He’s done work for them. He told me if I pay them enough, his men would do whatever I wanted them to. I just couldn’t be there to see it. So I paid them, I paid them to rape him. Break his soul, break his body. Just like he did to Rose. A tiny little man comes bouncing in, his nails are painted and his hair is long and pulled up high. He looks to me, smiles and whistles. “I want to play with you,” he says, winking. The main man calls him to him, and he puckers his lips in disappointment as walks over to the naked Ru. He starts undressing, and we’re told to leave. I watch as he climbs on the table, dick in hand. He sees me and winks, then slams into Ru. That’s all I can take as he screams. I walk out the front, the sky bright. Jake stands next to me, shaking. I tap his shoulder, he looks surprised. Except I know what they did to him, how seeing that would have made him feel. It was Ru that did it to him, he told me. So I got Ru back with two stones. For Jake, and especially for Rose. “Will you protect her?” I ask him, Sax stands there with his glasses on his head watching as I speak to Jake. “Of course.” “I won’t always be there, Jake. She is my soul, she owns it. I bleed for only her. I weep for only her. Do you understand?” He nods his head, and I know, I know he will. He will put her first. Just like he has me, and just like I have him.



CHAPTER 40 ROSE I wake with heavy eyes, there are no voices around me apart from a constant beep. I don’t remember what happened, or why I’m finding it hard to move. I manage to open my eyes. I find Liam asleep on a sofa next to the bed. His eyes are closed, his feet crossed. I try to say something, but my throat is too dry. Nothing leaves it apart from a small squeak. Liam jumps at my sound, immediately standing next to me. He grabs a glass of water and places the straw to my lips. I sip slowly, then he places it down and touches my face softly, so much appreciation in his touch. “What…” is all I manage to say. “You were shot, Rose.” I remember then, I remember Liam running to me. I remember him being tied down and not being able to move. Then I remember the gun. “You’ve been asleep for two weeks,” he says, standing tall next to me. He looks so tired. I reach out and touch his hand. He looks down at it and doesn’t speak. I try not to remember the rest, the stuff that man did to me, I try to not think of anything but Liam’s green eyes.

It’s finally time for me to leave the hospital. Liam has been at my bedside every day, not talking much, just watching me. He hasn’t allowed anyone in the room, it’s just been him for two solid weeks. I’ve started to see a different side of him, a worried and scared side, one I thought he never possessed. “Take me to the lake, Liam,” I ask as we reach his car. He opens my door and just looks at me. “Home, Rose.” He demands, so broken. My beautiful, strong man, so beautifully broken. “No, I just need to remember. I just want to watch the water, watch it with you.” He helps me in the car and starts it up. He sits there for a bit, not moving, just thinking. Then he begins to drive, and he’s taking me there. Texting as he drives. When we pull up, he tells me to wait in the car. Then I watch as he grabs a tool out and makes the hole in the fence bigger for us to get through. He comes back to the car, picks me up, and carries me straight through the hole and holds me in exactly the same spot where we first jumped from. “I didn’t expect you,” he says. I turn to him to see him watching me. I actually came here to tell him something, something the doctor told me. “You didn’t?” I ask smiling. He adjusts my weight and shakes his head, green eyes staring into mine. “I’m glad I didn’t, Rose. The best things are unexpected.” The look he’s giving me is like none I have seen. It’s full of so much love, so much emotion, he holds it in his eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, I think I see his soul, and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“My heart bleeds for you, Liam Black.” “My heart weeps for you, Rose…” Just as he says those words, his eyes open wide, a shot rings out. I look behind his shoulder. Ru stands there, smiling with a gun in his hand. I look back to Liam, his eyes opening and closing, his hold on me slipping. Blood starts oozing from his mouth. He looks down to me and we fall. Both of us drop into the lake. His body slams into mine, pushing me under the water. It hurts to try to swim upward. My chest is still sore from my surgeries. I reach the top, gasping for air, looking around for Liam. I can’t find him. I swim under the surface, searching for him as best I can, but coming up each time with nothing. My breath starts coming in short bursts as I realize I can never find him in this place. I swim the area of the lake, my chest hurting and pulling with each stroke I take. I don’t think it’s the pain from the surgery, it’s the pain from him. Like a knife stabbing me, again, and again. I circle it three times, finding no trace of him. My eyes are now covered with tears, the water melding them together. I can barely see as I try to pull myself up. Hoping that Ru is there to give me the same death he just installed on Liam. A hand reaches for me, pulling me from the lake. I thrash at it, hoping to pull it in with me, but it yells at me. “Stop, Rose!” I realize it’s not Ru. It’s Jake. He picks me up and carries me to his truck. I look outside, my tears blurring my vision as I watch a car go up in flames. Then alone, by itself is Liam’s truck. Just like he is, alone. I try to tell him. I point, point to the lake. Jake throws his shoes and shirt off, chucks me his phone and runs back to the lake. I hear him scream his name, hear his thrashing around in the water, hoping and praying for the best. I call the police, my voice not being able to get the words out. I move to the edge where he fell. I look at that spot. That spot that will hold different feelings compared to what they used to. They will now hold my nightmares, of that I am sure. My hands shake as I lean on them, water drops to them, except, it’s not water it’s my tears. They are falling so slowly I don’t even realize it. The pain is consuming me, holding me in its vice grip, strangling the life from me. I don’t know how to handle it. How to work through it. I can’t stop the tears, can’t stop the knife that won’t stop stabbing my heart. I manage to get up and walk back, to see Jake diving in and out of the water. Searching and looking just the same way I was. I call to him, he stops. He’s been in there so long his hands are wrinkled from the water. He looks to me before he pulls himself out. His hands circle me and we both cry—cry for Liam.

I don’t sleep, I can’t. Jake stays with me, even when I tell him to go. Divers have been in the river for days searching for him. They haven’t found anything and have called off the search. They suggest we have a burial. A burial with no body? I won’t do it, I can’t do it. “You’re pregnant?” Jake asks, his mouth stitched up. He hasn’t spoken much. He holds my phone in his hand and looks at me open mouthed. I nod my head and he shakes his. He storms from the room, comes back with a plate full of food, sits it in front of me and tells me to eat. He sits there watching until I take my first bite, the first in two days. I have done nothing but cry. I cry myself to sleep, cry when I shower, cry when I look at my room. I don’t know how I have any tears left, or how they’re still able to produce so much moisture when there’s

nothing left in me. Nothing but a shell of a person. I end up sleeping that night, but the nightmares take over, and I wake not even an hour later screaming. Jake runs into the room, sees me crying and climbs into bed with me. He places a pillow between us and pulls me in, wrapping his hand around my waist. Making me feel safe, and for the first time I sleep for longer than a few hours. Some days I don’t move. Other days I move to the bathroom floor and lay there all day, with moments where my head is over the toilet bowl. The tears have slowed, the pain never leaving. I tend to cry myself to sleep. Hoping and praying for a miracle. It never comes. Police say they haven’t found Ru, but Jake smirks every time they say that because he told me he took care of it. And I don’t want to know any more than that.

Months start to blur, and before I know it I’m big. My heart and head are still a mess. Jake has become my safe zone, my ‘I’m okay for now’ zone. He helps with the kids, helps with me. Even though he doesn’t have to. He calms me down when I wake screaming most nights, reminding me that I’m still alive and that I can do this. Even when I feel like I can’t. He has simply become my best friend, and I didn’t even know it. I found out it’s a boy today, and I told Jake I’m calling him Liam. Jake smiled a sad smile and walked away. I forget that sometimes I’m not the only one hurting, I forget that his love for him was just as strong. He sometimes screams in his sleep, and I wake to a wet pillow as I listen to him. Unable to help him, not knowing how to. I can’t even help myself, let alone someone else.

Today I had Liam, a beautiful, healthy baby boy. Jake cried, his first ever tears, then tears came from everyone else including me. The grief hit me hard in that moment, realizing he’d never meet his father, get to know the great man that saved me on multiple occasions and without a second thought. I still cry myself to sleep almost every night. Especially as I watch Liam grow, watch his green eyes penetrate mine with love. He has the eyes of his father, just without the hardness. I hear Jake and Hayden tell Liam stories at night, and watch as Isabelle listens to them too. I stand behind like I can’t hear them as they say great things about him. I usually cry then too. I’ve never cried so much in all my life, it feels like my soul is forever weeping, wanting that something back that’s missing. But it knows it can’t, so it breaks and breaks a little more each and every day. One day I think I will be okay, one day I don’t think I will cry. One day I will meet him again, and that day is the day I hope for most. Even if it’s a long time away.



FIVE YEARS LATER ROSE I wake in sweats most nights, that night never leaving me. Always dread in me, pulling me back. That night was one of nightmares, one that I can’t help but relive, over and over again. Even when I look at my son, who has Liam’s green eyes, I think back to those haunted green eyes, and how they were always so closed off from the rest of the world. How no one wanted anything to do with him. He’s bad, they would say. He is evil, he can’t love. They were all wrong. None of them knew him, none of them cared for him like I did. He was just a nightmare they told their kids about, except he’s my nightmare every night as I watch him fall. Fall into that blackness. Knowing that there was nothing I could do about it, nothing I could have done to stop that night. Somehow press rewind, to make it so we never went there, to make it so we were safe. Jake walks into my house with Hayden attached firmly to him. Jake has become the father figure to Liam, which my Liam couldn’t be. There’s nothing with me and Jake. Actually, I’ve never moved on from Liam. I can’t, he has that major piece of my soul. And the thought of another man just causes me agony, extreme agony. “You didn’t teach him any bad habits did you?” I say to the boys. Hayden walks over and kisses my cheek. “No, Mom. Uncle Jake was just teaching me how to shoot.” I grab the knife I’m using and point it at Jake. He holds his hands up and starts shaking his head. “Told ya I’d get you back,” Hayden yells as he walks away. I drop the knife from his face and go back to cutting the veggies. “Why did he get you back?” I ask. These two are terrible. I am gonna hate to see when Liam is older. “I told the girl he likes that he wants to bone her.” “You what?” He smiles like he’s proud. “Jake…” I warn him, and he shrugs his shoulders, knowing he’s wrong. Jake is now the Pres of the Coffin Soldiers MC. He has changed it significantly and it’s nothing like it used to be. Hell, it’s an entirely different chapter. They do children runs, where they ride to donate money for sick and foster kids for Christmas. They have family days now at the clubhouse, which is now Liam’s old house. It took me years to be able to go to that house, to even think about that house. It holds him in it, in the walls, in his room. Though Jake refuses to change that room and I still haven’t stepped in there. His mouth never healed properly, it’s still scarred deeply. I’m sure there’s more, but he just won’t talk about it and I don’t pry. He has his own demons and I have mine. “Where’s my princess?” He coos to Isabelle sitting on the couch watching television. She hears him and turns, smiling brightly. She’s taken to him better than anyone since Liam’s been gone. We don’t see Roger much, he finally got his payment from his inheritance and has left the country.

He’ll ring once a year on her birthday, send a present, and that’s about his extent of him being a father goes. It doesn’t bother me, I think she’s better off without that man. But a girl needs a father, and that’s where I’m thankful for Jake. He does those things for her, takes her to her father-daughter dances, talks to her about boys even though his words are harsh. “You thinking of dating a boy, you bring him to me.” She knows what he’s like, how protective he is. She says that’s not something she will ever do. Then he went into a description of what he would say and do to ‘said’ boy for when she wants to date. Which, I hope, is years and years from now. Casey and Sax are on their third child. Casey is a stay at home mother now and is driving Sax crazy. She wants more kids, but he’s had enough. He told me about that night, about how he helped Jake, but didn’t give me many details because the details he mentioned were harsh enough. I see Robbie occasionally, and he’s now married. He actually met Narina at my work, and they have been together for two years. And I thank God for him as well, with all the help he’s given me as well as my family. I don’t want to know where I would be without any of them. Jake suggested for Liam’s birthday today I go to the lake. I shook my head at him when he suggested it, but it will help me. It’s a place I can talk to him. I’ve never had that place before. Nothing but memories and ghosts.

It looks exactly the same, the only difference being that the grass is higher. I walk to the spot in the fence that he cut so many years back and make my way through it. I wander to the exact spot. The one with the good and the haunted memories. I sit down, not wanting to stand. My body starts to shake, my heart taking over wishing that he was here with me. I feel him though, I feel like his hands are on me, comforting me with all his might. Making me feel whole, fixing all those broken pieces of my shattered heart. My eyes close and I take it, I take as much as my feeling and believing will give me. He is there, in my mind. Smiling at me. He winks and it does to me what it did all those years ago. Make me want him and then miss him even more. Not all relationships end the way we hope. Some end in tragedy, and mine was just that. But in the end I got a miracle. A large family. One that loves me as a whole, and they are fixing all the broken in me. They just can’t repair my soul that weeps for that one and only person. And I think that’s okay, that’s okay that it can’t be fixed. I don’t want it fixed. I want that for him. I want that reminder of him, in any way I can get it. He was it for me. He was not just a love, a love I always wanted. He was it. He was what my soul wanted, what it craved, and now it bleeds for him. And it will never ever stop.



TRACE I watch as she walks down the street, a sway in her hips, her long blonde hair flowing in the wind. Something tugs at me, I don’t know what though. Why every time I see a blonde woman, something in me changes, grabs at me. I don’t think it’s something I will understand. Ever. She pulls my hand and brings it to her lips. Kissing it while we sit in the car, I turn to her and wonder why her eyes are the only thing I like most about her, the rest not so much. The blue shines bright, she closes them and leans back in her seat. I remember waking up five years ago, those eyes looking down at me. Something about the color called to me, but I had no idea why. I didn’t even remember who I was, or where I was. She told me my name was Trace, and that I’d had an accident, but something seemed off. Something seemed wrong, except I didn’t question it—couldn’t, because I had no memory. But as I look back to the street and see the blonde, walking with her hand in the hand of a small child’s, I wonder why I feel some kind of tug, like something is very wrong, and something is missing.



Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed Black. Book two is in the works, if you wish to be the first to know what is going on. I have a newsletter or my fan group you can join here. Fan Group Newsletter



Red T.L Smith Copyright 2016 TL Smith All Rights Reserved This book is a work of fiction. Any references to real events, real people, and real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the Author’s imagination and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, organizations or places is entirely coincidental. All rights are reserved. This book is intended for the purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the express written permission of the Author. All songs, song titles and lyrics contained in this book are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.

WARNING This e-book contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language and may be considered offensive to some readers. This e-book is intended for adults ONLY. Please store your files wisely, where they cannot be accessed by under-aged readers. Formatting - https://www.facebook.com/pages/Angels-Indie-formatting Editing by Swish Design & Editing Cover image – Franggy – Love N Books.



Sasha's Dilemma (Dilemma #1) Adam’s Heaven (Dilemma #1.5) Sasha’s Demons (Dilemma #2) Krinos (Take Over #1) Kalon (Take Over #2) Kratos (Take Over #3) Pure Punishment (Standalone) Antagonize Me (Standalone) Degrade (Flawed #1) Twisted Perception (Flawed #2) Black (Black #1)

Note to the Reader This book is based in Australia, and there may be Australian words or places mentioned. If you have any issues understanding, please feel free to message me. Love T.L Smith



A wound to the heart, a hole so deep. Can it be fixed? Or simply replaced? People lie. Those closest to me, tell the most lies. Do they not know who I am? What I’m capable of? Sometimes I wonder if they do. Because when I unravel their lies, they will be delivered to the hell I once visited. And it won’t be pleasant.



This book is dedicated to all the broken, damaged people. We see you, we fear you, because you, you feel with a might so great, it scares us. But don’t let that stop you. You are special, you are great. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.



FIVE YEARS AGO CHAPTER ONE CHAPTER TWO CHAPTER THREE CHAPTER FOUR CHAPTER FIVE CHAPTER SIX CHAPTER SEVEN CHAPTER EIGHT CHAPTER NINE CHAPTER TEN CHAPTER ELEVEN CHAPTER TWELVE CHAPTER THIRTEEN CHAPTER FOURTEEN CHAPTER FIFTEEN CHAPTER SIXTEEN CHAPTER SEVENTEEN CHAPTER EIGHTEEN CHAPTER NINETEEN CHAPTER TWENTY CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE CHAPTER THIRTY CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE #CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE CHAPTER FORTY





FIVE YEARS AGO We are vessels made to love. Love, that word was so odd to a person such as me, someone who had never experienced the true feelings of such a word. People talk highly of it, people kill for it, but is it worth it? The world has this ideal of love, in that it can change everything, and everything can be fixed if you have it. I was not a believer, I didn’t even understand the word. To me, it was just that, a word. Nothing more. No one loved me, no one would risk loving me. I was a damaged and broken piece of a human—a destructor. My job was to take people away from those they loved, I was even hired by people who claimed to love the people I was sent to destroy. Even though they wanted them dead. I didn’t understand—still don’t. But she made me believe. Made me believe that there was more than the darkness. She took me to a place with color, a place that was right now. The world was cold, my eyes were constantly closing, and I tried with everything I had to keep them open—for her. Everything was for her. But the darkness took me under, sucking me into its never-ending spin. She shone brightly when my eyes were closed, like she was right in front of me. Her facial expressions were written all over her face, for each time we had been together. When we were sixteen, to the first time she realized it was me. When she would come undone under me, to her soft pink lips. But it was the eyes—her eyes that I always watched. The blue in them, the way I could see so much reflected in them. Like they were made to see only me, to love only me. Then she disappeared, and everything went Black…



CHAPTER 1 TRACE PRESENT Damaged… People use this word for a number of reasons. Some don’t fully understand the meaning of such a word. What it really means to one, to some it causes a great deal of pain. But to others, it’s just a word. Damaged… There it is again, that word. It haunts me. It inflicts a silent pain all by itself. And no one would be any the wiser. Damaged… It’s a word people would use to describe me. Damaged… It’s a word that explains me, because that’s exactly what I am—damaged goods. Some people will think of this word and look at an object that’s broken and assume it’s damaged. To some, that’s as far as the word goes. To others, it has a whole new meaning—people with anxiety, people with depression. And then there’s me. Someone who has cracks so deep in their bones that they can no longer see anything fixable. Broken… damaged. That’s all there is to describe me. Nothing more to it. I’ve lived with this feeling for the last five years. I’ve felt somehow damaged, somehow unfixable. Like something is missing, but what? That’s the question. The people around me try to help me rid that feeling, try to tell me how important I am. How much I’m missed. How they’re worried about me. None of it feels real, it felt wrong. Was what they said the truth? I know these people well, they lie, cheat, steal, and kill. How accurate is their word? Personally, I don’t think it’s worth much. Though, they seem to be all I have in this world. Even though, I believe I need no one. I have this feeling that I’m content when I’m alone. It’s quiet, and there are not so many demons. When I’m with people, I think fake, unrealistic, not my type of people. They try to make me believe. Otherwise, I’ve seen it in their eyes. They want me to believe whatever it is they’re saying. It’s hard, though, when deep down it’s embedded in my bones that I feel they are lying. Five years I’ve been with them, five years and I have always questioned. They always answer, with a quick look at another person. I pick up on it all. The side glances when I speak, which isn’t often. The way I watch their hushed whispers. Their body language, like they’re always on guard around me. Someone who’s meant to be their brother. The doubt is sinking in more and more and I intend to find out why. Why the doubt sticks to my bones like glue. Why I feel something, or possibly someone is missing.



CHAPTER 2 ROSE Broken… That’s what I am, pieces of me never to be fixed. Pieces shattered into a million fragments. Broken… How do you fix such a thing when you’ve tried so hard to do so? I say I’m okay, say I can get through this. I’ve simply been coping not living. Day by day, that’s how I take it. Even after five years, so many pieces are broken. One day they may fix themselves, then again, maybe not. Maybe that’s the way I’m meant to stay? Maybe that’s my punishment? Maybe I’m meant to stay broken, for a lifetime of pain.



CHAPTER 3 TRACE Thump. Thump. Thump. The sound of my heart beating hard in my chest. Thump. Thump. Thump. Even louder, the sound of his heart beating from his chest. His neck is under my boot, his eyes as wide as saucers. He’s terrified and he should be. He tries to speak, but words can’t leave his mouth, gasoline is currently being poured down his throat. He gags, he spits. Nothing works as it goes down into his despicable body. His body starts thrashing, his hands try to grab for my legs. They are nailed to the wooden floor, three nails in each hand. Blood coats the floor. He’s almost torn free, his flesh being broken and torn in the process to stop the gasoline. I stop and step back, he cries out in relief. Spitting out whatever is left in his mouth. “I knew they would send you,” he speaks, his eyes look to mine then back up to the ceiling. I don’t answer him. Talking is not something I like to do in general, let alone when I plan to torture someone to death. “I was a fool to believe you wouldn’t find me.” His eyes close. “Your reputation proceeds you, Trace.” His eyes reopen, he looks to me and starts speaking again. I don’t like him, I don’t like what he does or what he stands for, and he deserves everything that’s about to happen to him. “They do say, once a fool, always a fool, right?” He starts coughing, the gasoline reaching his lungs. The hammer comes down onto his knee cap. The sound of bones snapping is the sound of hurt and pain. It’s everything he deserves and more. His screams stop, and when I look up to him, his mouth is hanging open, his eyes squeezed shut, blood leaks everywhere from his body. He has passed out, the pain too excruciating for him. I hear my phone ringing, it’s on the table behind me. I want to ignore it. I choose to ignore most of the calls that have come in since I have been here, the phone constantly vibrating and ringing. It starts again, consistently. “Is it done?” Are his first words. “It will be.” Then I hang up. He won’t like it, but he will deal with it. “No more, please,” he begs. Turning to look at this pathetic man strapped to the floor, his eyes are full of tears. His eyes don’t hold me for long, he knows why he is here. I grab the photo I have in my pocket, he watches me cautiously unsure of what is to come. I bend down and hold the photo close to his face, so he has no other option but to look at it. “I didn’t touch her. I don’t know who that is.” He just gave himself away, the girl in the photo could have meant anything, except his first words were, “I didn’t touch her,” that’s where he went wrong. He notices it straight away. His head starts shaking, the hammer in my hand feels light, like a knife. I lift it and smash his right hand. He cries, just as I suspect, the young girl would have cried. He deserves worse. The father of the young lady has connections and money. This man dated her, then used her. He didn’t realize who her father was, and how well he’s known. So now he pays the price, in blood.

I stand and walk to his other side. Just as I lean down, he leans up, his face so close to mine, his breath stinks from the gasoline I poured down his throat, mixed with the copper smell of his blood. “Talk you prick, fucking speak!” Crunch, the hammer slams down on his other fist. “I am going to crush every bone in your body, I’m going to make you feel pain that you once delivered, plus ten times worse.” “You already have,” he cries. “I haven’t!” I reply as the hammer comes down, smashing his elbow. I crush as many bones in his body as I can while he screams, cries, and passes out after every blow. When it’s time and there’s nothing else left—no fight in him—a bullet is lodged in his brain. “It’s done,” I say watching the floor which is completely covered in red. Blood splatter covers my face, my hands, and my body. Thankfully I wear black so it isn’t easily seen as I walk out into the sunlight and head straight to my car. Leaving behind that man in his dance studio, soaking in his own blood.



CHAPTER 4 TRACE A demon lives inside of me. Some call him Satan, I call him Damaged. You see, there’s something dark inside me, so dark that I don’t fully understand it. Even after five years, I’m still trying to work out what that is. Her hands slide down my body and I try hard not to throw her from me. Her hands touching me. It’s a game of will if I don’t throw her. She presses her tits to me and as she does so, her short brown hair tickles my chest. She looks up to me, realizing nothing is happening. It’s becoming more and more like this. The need I once had for her is slowly vanishing, becoming less and less. Her eyes penetrate mine, the blue so vivid springs me into action. I grab under her arms and haul her up to me. She laughs, it’s annoying. I sometimes wonder how we’ve lasted this long, then her mouth wraps around my cock and I know. “Come here.” My voice husky, and wanting her. She smiles bright, her dimples peeking out. I lean in and kiss them, one each side. Her hand slides between us. Grabbing my cock, she squeezes it, making me even harder than I was before. Her lips want to be back there, she always starts with sucking my cock. “I love you, Trace,” she whispers in my ear as she bites my earlobe and positions herself on me. Her head lifts and she drops it backward, gasping as she does. I move my hands to either side of her face, grabbing and pulling it to me. Her eyes open, she looks at me with pleasure and love. I pull her in further and kiss her mouth, she opens granting me access and starts to move. There was a time five years ago that I didn’t believe a word she said. That the words she spoke about me didn’t seem to fit or seem to fit me. Though, I grew to believe her. She was a constant, there every time I needed her, and she was there when I was in and out of consciousness. She looked after me when no other did. So I had to believe what she was saying, and something about her seemed so familiar. I still haven’t given her those words, those words she whispers to me every time I hold her, fuck her. They just can’t seem to come out. I tried once, I did, but it stuck in my throat like a knife slicing me open. Her scream tears from her throat, pleasure courses through her. She lays her head on my chest, circling my heart with her small fingers. We’re in our bed, in a home I’ve been in for five years, one I’ve never remembered. I can’t seem to remember anything—nothing has come back, nothing at all. The doctor said it would take time, that familiarizing myself with certain things would help. And she has tried to do that. She shows me clothes that used to be mine, guns I used to own. But nothing’s come back, and I hope to hell someday it will. Or is it better not knowing? Not knowing what I did to deserve the punishment that I was given. The shot to my back, it almost killing me. “You leave soon,” Savannah complains into my chest, her fingers stop their tracing and she wraps her hands around me. I push her to the side, not forcefully, just enough that she knows to stop touching me. “I’ll be back.”

“I know. I just hate you leaving me.” Her bottom lip pouts. I go to speak, unsure of what I should say —words are not my favorite thing. Then, because some fucked up universe is giving me a way out, a heavy knock comes on the door. “Trace, get your ass downstairs. Now,” Kane barks through the door. I grab the closest thing I can and throw it at the door. He laughs and walks away. She’s the first to move, knowing we have to go down there or the knocking won’t stop. She knows better than me. She slides shorts on over her naked ass, so short I could see her pussy if she bent over, especially since she doesn’t have anything on underneath. She grabs the closest shirt, pulling it on, it stops just above her belly button. She doesn’t need to cover anything, her body is one of the best I’ve seen. Curves in all the right places, tits bigger than a handful and an ass like a stripper. She turns to me watching her and throws my pants and shirt at me. I stand naked, sliding on my pants then shirt, while she does the exact same thing, watching me. My cut is next. She walks it to me in her hands and stands behind me placing it on. “Time to party, baby,” she says shaking her ass then sliding on her heels, opening the door not waiting for me to follow. I grab my gun, pocketing it, and follow her ass out the door and into the music that blares from the bar below. We live upstairs. Only her and me, as well as one other, live at the clubhouse. The Pres, I spot him as soon as I enter. He’s over in the corner. The other brothers surround him holding drinks in their hands talking and perving on the naked women. Women surround the men, like vultures. Some are even on the bar, completely naked, shaking their ass to the music that’s so loud I want to turn it down for some quiet. Kane walks up to me with a bottle of water in hand, knowing full well I don’t like to drink. I’ve tried it a few times after the memory loss and didn’t like it. I didn’t like the idea of my control being taken away at my own hands. I nod to him and he stands next to me with a beer smiling, watching everyone, much like I am. I spot Savannah talking to the Pres. She smiles brightly and leans over and kisses his cheek then she turns, feeling eyes on her and winks at me. “You’re one lucky son of a bitch, you know that?” Kane taps me on the back, watching Savannah. I nod my head, observing how the boys watch her. She may not be fully clothed though she’s dressed in more than the other women here. “Two days till we leave,” Kane says. I nod my head thinking about it. I don’t know the target of the next hit, I just know it’s what I have to do. When I woke up, I found out I was a member of a motorcycle club. They welcomed me into their homes, looked after me when no other would. Apart from Savannah, who happened to be the Pres’s daughter. I questioned it for ages. Why would I be a part of something like this? Then they placed a gun in my hand and I knew they were right. The gun was mine, it was the only thing that felt comfortable. The only thing I knew with certainty that was entirely mine. I knew exactly how to use it—I wasn’t only good with it, I was the best with it. I make decisions with the club, yes. I’m also the person who destroys people—I am death. Some even call me that, other clubs call me that. So my skills with a gun came in handy, and I now do work for the club to help bring in more money than they could ever imagine. Taking on clients so big that the paychecks match them. Kane chats in my ear, he doesn’t think I see or even notice the looks he gives Savannah. I can see it clear as day when he watches her, that he wants her and he wants her bad. Though he won’t do anything

about it, knowing that she’s mine. I sometimes want to tell him he can have her, but then I don’t want to share her. She makes me feel good, even if it’s only for a few minutes, sometimes mere seconds. It’s there, and the only other thing I’ve found that can do that for me is my gun. “You taking her with you?” Kane asks, nodding his head to Savannah. I watch her, she’s beautiful, there’s no point denying that at all. Her back is to us, her tattoos which weave up her back are on full display. “She wants to go,” I tell him, she always does. She intends to come with me on my jobs. At first, I didn’t want her to, but the high is there afterward and she spreads her legs willingly and excitedly for me to get that high. She craves it as much as I do. I always tell her no, but she usually bribes her way in. “She always wants to go.” Kane chuckles, knowing full well how we are. Sometimes I think it’s just a front and that it’s all for display. “You must be getting tired of the same pussy, though, man.” He doesn’t shut up, he’s always fucking talking. I don’t like to converse. I shake my head and turn back to the bar. I have to make an appearance, it’s part of the brotherhood. I just don’t like to participate in all things and often wonder if I’ve always felt this, felt this way. No one tells me much, just what they think I need to know. Not what I should know. I manage to go back to my room without anyone stopping or following me. I throw all my clothes off and lay on the bed, hoping sleep will consume me. And hoping the dreams show me a face, instead of words and touches. “Have you ever wanted something so bad?” a voice as sweet as velvet whispers to me. That voice, it fills me. “Yes,” I reply, trying to step closer, to see this person, to try and put a face to that voice. She sighs, and it’s not your average sigh, it’s deep. I can feel it, the meaning of that sigh. “I need you. I need you to wake. I need you to find me.” I go to speak, to assure her that I will, but it all goes black.



CHAPTER 5 TRACE The dreams always came with the same voice, but never a face. I wake as soon as the dreams disappear. Sometimes they’re so vivid I can feel her skin, her hair, but never her face. I would give anything to see that face. I want to know why it haunts me, why she’s so stuck there. I haven’t told anyone. Savannah woke me one night, I was rigid, tight, and drenched in sweat. She wanted to know what I was dreaming about. I couldn’t tell her, it didn’t feel right to share something like that with her. “What’s wrong, baby?” She crawls onto my lap, straddling me. I pick her up and slide her back so she’s sitting on the bed. She looks confused. “I need you to be honest with me,” I say. Her head drops to the side as she assesses me. “Who was I with before you?” Her eyes go wide in shock. She goes to speak then shuts her mouth straight away. “You fucked some junkie if I remember correctly.” She looks me in the eye, I can tell what she says is the truth. How much is the actual truth, though? “Just fucked?” “Fucked if I know. Maybe more than once…” she pins me with her eyes, “Why Trace? Why do you need to know this?” “I need to know it all.” “It doesn’t change anything, you are where you’re meant to be. When you accept that and accept me, it’ll get easier. Fuck! It's been five years, Trace, how can you not?” I choose not to answer her. Instead, I stand and get dressed. It’s time to start packing, to go and do my job.

I’ve been in the car for five hours—five hours is how long it’s taken to get to this shit little city. Savannah seems nervous, constantly looking around and fidgeting with her hands. She bribed her way into coming with me, it didn’t surprise me. She always seems to, no matter what, she always goes where I go. “Stay here,” I tell her climbing out of the truck. She looks at me and attempts to reach for the door handle. “Savannah, stay in the fucking truck!” She nods her head and I step over to the coffee house. Turning back to see her watching me, she smiles but it’s weak, her eyes go from me then she starts looking around once again. The smell hits me first, the strong smell of coffee beans. I look around, out of habit, assessing everything before I stand in line. Just as I’m about to be served, someone’s hand lands on my shoulder.

The reaction is instant and I’m reaching for my gun just as fast as that hand removes itself. When I look up a man is standing there, a very tall man with a bald head. He looks me over, up and down, then does it a second time like he can’t believe what he’s seeing. My hand stays where it is, on my gun. “Black?” he asks. His brows scrunched in confusion. My look must match his. “It can’t be…” his head starts to shake, “…you were dead,” he says just above a whisper. “Who?” I ask. Who is this man he talks of? Why does that name sound familiar? “You don’t recognize me?” he asks. A simple head-shake is all I give him before I see Savannah walking toward me. His eyes snap to her direction, he’s good, he notices things. “Babe, you’re taking forever.” She wraps one arm around my waist and looks up to the man. “Who are you?” She’s rude when she wants to be. The guy’s nose crinkles, he turns his shoulder to her, clearly disgusted. I notice it and so does she, and she doesn’t like it one bit. “The name’s Sax,” he says offering me his hand. I look at it unsure. But my hand automatically goes up and when he shakes it I feel him slip something in between—a card. I pocket it as soon as our hands break their strong grip. “Trace,” I nod, giving him my name. He nods his head like he understands, and maybe he does. He looks one last time at Savannah, who’s wrapped around me like a snake before he walks out. “What did he say?” Are her first words. I take a step back, wondering what’s going on? And who is this Black? “Nothing!” I turn and place our order, she stays where she is, watching me. “You didn’t know him?” I turn to face her, grabbing our coffees and walking out the door. I go straight to my car, noticing that Sax is at the end of the street watching us. Savannah doesn’t notice, her eyes are glued to me wanting answers. “Enough.” I see him then, the man we came for. He steps out of an office and he glances down at his watch. “Trace,” she whines right next to me. “Last time you’re coming with me. Do you understand?” My face is in her face, she nods her head and pouts her lips. I glance back up and see him climbing into a red sports car. Fuck this woman. “Get in the fucking car, or I’m leaving your ass here.” She doesn’t speak when she jumps in, then takes her coffee and sips it quietly next to me as I follow him. He comes to a stop at a house, so I leave enough distance back so I can watch him. He walks to the door and a lady dressed in lingerie stands there, smiling. She pulls him by the tie inside. Now… now I wait. We sit in the car for a good hour. She plays on her phone and doesn’t say a word. I sit and watch the house quietly. She knows I need the quiet, I crave it. He walks out, minus a tie. His smile is bright on his face, I have my sniper rifle already loaded, already positioned, just as he climbs in. Everything around me goes black—I don’t see anything else but the target. I hear her breathing next to me and I swear it’s the last time she’ll come along with me. Just as he sits down, I take my shot. His door is shut, he’s buckling up, but his hands drop from his belt, falling down. His head lands on his horn and it blares loudly. We stay where we are, we’re far enough back that no one would’ve seen us. I check my surroundings again, and that’s when I see him. The man from the coffee shop, with a smirk on his face and

he’s looking straight at me. He shakes his head and walks away.



CHAPTER 6 TRACE Two weeks pass, two weeks the card burns a hole in my pocket. A card that says they hold truths I don’t know about that maybe I don’t want to know about. I remember the look on his face, the happiness he saw for me after taking a life. Maybe I’m better off in this life I have now. Maybe I truly was the devil in another life. My door swings open, the card now in my hand. As I look up I see Grover standing there watching me, he looks at my hand then back to me. He is a large man—the president of the club—a scary man some say. His long gray hair is tied back and he has a bit of a belly. Laziness. To me, he’s nothing but a man short of a bullet. A bullet I sometimes want to lodge straight between his eyes. His cut is proud on his chest, he always wears it, even in our home. I bet he even he sleeps with it on, something to do with pride. “You spoke to someone on your last job?” he asks, looking back at my hand. There’s no card there, it’s back in my pocket, concealed from his eyes. I give him a blank stare. What’s it to him if I did? “What did they say?” He never talks to me after a job, never. It’s usually a pat on the back, or a paycheck, but never a discussion of who I’ve spoken to or what I did. “Nothing.” He steps closer, his face closer to mine. “You wouldn’t lie to me now would ya, boy?” One eyebrow rises in question. “What’s this about, Pres?” He doesn’t intimidate me, not in the least. He knows it, it just doesn’t stop him from trying. He craves people fearing him. I’m the only one that doesn’t, even his daughter fears him. He snaps up straight and shakes his head, he turns to leave, and just before he does he looks back, back to the pocket of my pants. Then turns and walks off. Savannah sashays in before the door is even shut, she stands and smiles at me. I know it was her that told the Pres, she’ll play it off like it was nothing. It is nothing, but she doesn’t need to know that. And she sure as shit doesn’t need to run to the Pres to tell him everything that goes on. “Leave!” I bark at her. She plays it off with a cool smile and steps closer to me. “I’m not playing, Savannah. Leave… go and fuck someone else.” Hurt flashes across her face. She tries to hide it as fast as it was there, I saw it though and it’s too late. “Baby, I had to tell him.” She doesn’t move, she knows her boundaries when I’m mad. “There was nothing to tell, don’t make me repeat myself.” She flinches from the harshness of my voice. “I love you,” she whispers. “You love yourself.” “That’s not true, baby.” “Savannah, do I have to repeat myself?”

Her head drops and she looks back to me, her blue eyes shining under the lights. “I’ll wait baby, forever…” She leaves the last word on her tongue as she opens the door and walks out. I pack a bag, a small bag and step out. No one stops or even sees me when I leave. Maybe this was what they were afraid of, or maybe that’s what they expected. I need answers and there’s only one place I can get them, so I’m going back.

The drive was long, it made me wonder if it was worth it. Worth coming all this way to somewhere where I met a man who seemed to know me. That smile, though, it’s stuck in my head like glue. It was like he was happy I was doing it. Like it was expected of me. A knock sounds on my hotel door. Opening it, I find Sax standing there, his name was on his card. He nods his head and pushes into the room. Walking to the table and sitting down he uncaps two beers, one for himself then he slides one over to me, once I’m standing next to the table. I look at it, knowing I won’t drink it and slide it back. “Just the same,” he says, spinning his bottle in his hand. The lid is back on the bottle. I didn’t even see him do that, and I don’t miss anything. “You know me?” The seat screeches as I pull it out, I sit on it staring at this man. He nods his head. “I do.” “How?” “Work.” He smirks and I know he’s not talking about a normal nine to five job. “Come to this address tonight and wear a suit,” he says standing, grabbing his beers. He walks past me and stops at my bed, looks down at my gun case and brushes his fingers along it. “Some things never change, I guess.” And then he’s gone. Leaving me sitting there wondering what he could be talking about. I realize I never did get any answers out of him. What he did discuss was brief, but nothing with any detail. I glance at the invite he just handed me and notice that it’s a gala event. I know the price for a table at this place is quite high. All proceeds going to a foundation called Red. I grab my phone and search for it. Why should I entertain going to this place? Will it really give me the answers I need? Red An organization to help women with addictions. No matter the range of dependency, we offer rehabilitation facilities, group therapy, as well as one-on-one with a psychologist. Drugs, why would I want to go to a place that helps other people cure addictions and help raise money for that? Why do I feel the need to go? The phone rings in my pocket, so I retrieve it.

“Savannah,” I answer, she hasn’t stopped calling. “Baby come back, please.” I hear hushed whispers on the other end. Someone’s speaking to her. “Put him on.” I hear the shuffle of the phone then his heavy breathing. “You can’t leave like that, Trace. This is not how we do things. Rules are to be followed.” “I don’t follow any rules.” “You can’t leave the brotherhood. It’s death if you do.” He’s used that line on me before, multiple times. A fate worse than death, but he never follows through. “I’m not your property, Grover. You’d do well to remember that!” “The minute you wore that cut you became my property.” He’s angry now, at me disrespecting him. “You have a week. If you’re not back by then, you know what follows.” The phone disconnects and I realize he’s just hung up on me. I look back to my phone seeing the Red foundation flash on my screen. It's time to buy a suit. It’s time to start working things out.



CHAPTER 7 ROSE “Does it look okay?” Jake nods his head, a smile bright on his face. He grabs my hand and twirls me in front of the mirror while smiling brightly. He’s been my best friend for five solid years, and he’s here, at my house almost every day. I sometimes wonder why? Doesn’t he have better things to do than waste his time with me? Surely he could be at home, with a woman in his bed. I know he isn’t shy about fucking, he speaks of it often to me. I sometimes think he forgets I’m a woman, but not Liam. Which is who I think he used to talk to the way he does to me. I’ve learned to take it, hush back his strong language, especially around the kids. He’s good, though, too good. I often wonder if that’s what he wants, a family to call his own. Even though he would never need one, mine is enough for the both of us. “Does it look okay?” His eyebrows raise in a mocking tone. “If you were not my best friend, I would bend you over backward and make you a gymnast.” I blush, my cheeks are now bright red. He does this to me—often. He knows I haven’t been with anyone for years. That I just don’t have the desire for someone else. Sometimes all I want though is to be fucked and fucked hard. I want that intimate connection, that moment of pure bliss, where nothing else matters in the world just that high. He knows me too well. Even knows where my vibrator is located, the smart ass. “Don’t go blushing on me sweetheart, it makes my Jimmy excited.” I smack his shoulder, ‘Jimmy’ is his cock, which he talks about often, too bloody often. “You better not be saying naughty words all night. It’s a big night, I have to be thinking clearly, Jake.” He stands straight, his back snapping up and he salutes me. “On my best behavior, madam.” A giggle forms in my throat. Sitting on the bed, I place on my red high heels to match my bright red dress which fits perfectly. It took me five different shops and trying on twenty different dresses to find the perfect one. My body isn’t what it used to be, my boobs are not the same, and my stomach isn’t as flat. I have stretch marks in places that I shouldn’t have stretch marks. Like, who the fuck gets them on their vagina? Well, I did for one. I have to wear undies that suck my belly in. Liam was such a big baby that the amount of skin that I had left over after childbirth hangs over my underwear. So suck me in panties are now my new favorite. Jake tells me I’m beautiful, and my family does as well. I wouldn’t say I’m ugly, not at all. But I have insecurities, ones that weren’t there before I had Liam. Jake coughs and makes me look up to him, he’s dressed in a suit. I wanted to laugh when I first saw him. He’s never been in a suit before, well that I’ve ever seen. He looks gorgeous, like leave-your-mouthhanging-open gorgeous. His tattoos that cascade over his body are covered, you can still see the ones on his knuckles, though. He said it’s only for me, and only for tonight. He knows how special this evening is to me. I’ve worked so hard to build this, to help other women, women who wouldn’t have had the chance to survive, or even ended up like me. None of them had a savior, none of them had a Liam Black—no, he was purely mine. He was my ruin and my saving grace all in one beautiful dark package. Jake’s confidence has grown compared to five years ago, he still sees himself as damaged and

unworthy. I still don’t know exactly what happened to him, and I never ask. The scars on his face—he touches sometimes—pull a pained look so deep that all I want to do is comfort him. Except I don’t. I leave him to fight those demons, the demons that only he can fight. And I show him that everything he thinks is wrong with him, I believe there’s not one thing that’s amiss. There’s no other like him, just like there’s no other like Liam. I can see why they were best friends. He’s talkative, Liam was quiet. Though when he’s angry, the look that passes over his face reminds me of the one Liam used have on the night that shall not be named. “Okay hot stuff, let’s go and prance you around this thing. Show all those filthy rich men how hot you are and steal all their money.” “I’m not stealing money, Jake.” He offers me his arm, so I hook mine through his and we walk to the limo he’s arranged which is waiting out the front. “I know that, but it’s much more interesting to me when I think of it like that. You’re like Robin Hood…” he looks at me, his eyes look me up and down, “…a much sexier Robin, in a red hood.” He ends with a wink and my nerves are gone. He always does that to me.



CHAPTER 8 TRACE The gala was not far from my hotel, and I walked the short distance to the party. I found a black suit, no tie, it didn’t feel right to wear one with a white shirt. My hair is styled, something I haven’t done in a while. I’ve kept it the length it was when I first saw myself, knowing that somehow the reflection looking back at me was me. It’s brushed back, the lengths wisp to the end. The steps are covered in red carpet, and the ladies at the door are dressed in black. One smiles a bit too brightly when she sees me. She asks for my invite then welcomes me. As soon as I walk in everything is red, it’s dark, and the music is loud. I feel it when I enter—the smell the champagne and strawberries— this is not something I should be attending. I spot Sax straight away, he’s not easily missed towering over most with his bald head. I stand near the doorway watching everyone in long gowns and suits talk and drink champagne. This is not where I should be, I don’t belong. I have facial hair, no one else does. They’re all neatly shaven with tuxes, ties or bow ties. An announcement is called over the microphone, a lady’s voice speaks through it. I stop breathing. My eyes follow and track that voice to a woman blushing as she stands in front of a podium up on the stage. She doesn’t look up, I glance up to her, just wanting a peek. My thoughts come crashing down when a hand touches my shoulder then it’s quickly gone as fast as it was there. I turn reluctantly to see Sax standing there, staring at me. “She is something…” his eyes bore into mine, “…don’t you think?” He looks back to the stage and I follow and do exactly as he does. She’s starting to talk now, except her eyes don’t look up much. Actually, they only look slightly up to a man standing in front, then her head ducks back down as she continues to speak. “Who is he?” I ask, realizing I need to know. But my eyes are trained on the man she keeps staring at, who I cannot see clearly. Just dark hair and neck tattoos. “I suspect, one day soon, your competition.” He laughs and just as I turn to ask him what he meant by that comment, he’s gone. Someone claps loudly behind me. Bringing her eyes up and locking onto mine, she stands there, her mouth wide open, she doesn’t move for minutes. People start to whisper. Someone speaks to her, her eyes snap to the front, back to the man. Then she begins to cry while everyone watches before she runs off the stage. Music comes on, and I’m at a loss for ideas about what just happened. I see a balcony to the side and I walk out shutting the door behind me. That voice, I know that voice. But where, and how? The door clicks, alerting me someone is there. I’ve been out here for at least an hour, not bothering to go back inside. I wouldn’t know what to do. As I turn, I see it’s her. And fuck. She’s dressed in red. It’s floor length, cascading down her long legs, and her heels are high. It’s all red, just the way her cheeks are turning while she’s staring at me.

Who is this woman, and why does she look at me so? Maybe I’m giving her a similar facial expression. I know my heart is beating wildly, I can hear it loudly in my ears. The beat, like loud drums. She takes a step back from me, her head shakes. I don’t know what to do. What should I say? She knows me, but how? I feel like I know her, but how? Something is pulling me to her. Is this why I have an obsession with blue eyes and look at every blonde I pass? Who is this woman? Her mouth opens, she goes to speak, and I’m excited to hear the words she will utter. Who is this woman? I can’t stop asking myself these questions—especially that one. Who is she? “It... can’t…” I stop breathing. That voice, it’s like velvet—sweet and soothing. That’s the voice that haunts me. The one that plagues my dreams. I’d recognize that voice anywhere. Tears leave her eyes and they start falling down her face. She doesn’t even bother wiping them away. She just stands there, staring at me. Like I have all the answers. “What’s your name?” I manage to ask needing to at least know the answer to that question. To just have that. She looks at me like I’ve slapped her. She even takes a step further away, like my next words will hurt her even more. “You don’t know?” Her head drops to the side, she questions me. It doesn’t look right her questioning me, especially with the tears cascading down her face. A simple shake is all I can give her. She drops her head, pain appears in her eyes before she lowers them away from mine. “I…” she starts again, and stops and looks behind her. She’s dressed so beautifully. Her makeup is smeared, but still taking my breath away. “Have to go…” She wipes her face, cleaning the tears away. She looks up to me, mascara still under her eyes. My hand automatically reaches up to wipe it away, but she takes a step back before I can reach her like my touch could be lethal. Maybe it is? “Go…” I say, nodding back inside. People are dancing, drinking wine. Here we are, standing outside, tearing ourselves apart for reasons I don’t even know. “It’s not real,” she says looking at me one last time before she opens the door and disappears inside, her body lost in a sea of people. She leaves me standing there. It takes me a moment before I walk back inside to find out where she’s gone. I notice her when I enter, her arm is hooked with the man with tattoos and dark hair. She clings to his arm tightly, like at any moment she might fall down. But she smiles and shakes peoples’ hands with her free one. Someone announces over the microphone how much money has been raised tonight. Everyone looks to the man speaking, except her, she’s looking at the doors I just exited. Is she looking for me? Her eyes wander around until they land on me. We stand there, just staring at each other. No one even bothering with what we’re doing, people are too intrigued by what the man is saying on the podium, where she was standing not long ago. Her eyes search my body, though, then she comes back to my eyes and stays there.

I need to know her name, even if it’s just that. The man she’s with whispers something in her ear, she pulls her eyes away finally breaking the contact and looking to him, then briefly at me one more time before she walks away with him. “Do you know who she is?” Sax stands in front of me, a glass in his hand. He brings it to his mouth and sips slowly, waiting for me to answer. “Important.” Is all I can gather, that word seems to fit her perfectly. I am sure of it, just not why. “You got that right at least.” He chuckles, but it has no real humor in it. “Her name?” “You didn’t get it when you spoke to her?” he questions. I shake my head. “She came out, in tears.” His head shakes. “If Casey knew it was me, she’d chop my cock off.” I look at him and wonder if Casey was the brown haired girl he was standing with when I first walked in. “Wife?” I ask, really just wanting to know who the blonde is. “Yes, and the blonde’s best friend.” He looks behind him and nods to me before he walks back to his wife, and I still never got a name. Maybe it’s best I don’t. She seems… put together. Me, well, I’m damaged beyond repair. Someone like her doesn’t mix with someone like me.



CHAPTER 9 ROSE It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real. My imagination is playing tricks on me, it can’t be real. “Rose, come back.” Jake’s voice penetrates my freak out. His hand on my shoulder, making me look at him. “You’re as white as a ghost. What happened?” “He...” I look around, my eyes snap back to Jake’s, “…did you see him?” “See who, Rose?” He looks around too. It can’t be real, but it is. I spoke to him, in the flesh. His voice, his looks, it’s all the same. He hasn’t changed. How is that possible? How come he never came back to me? Why does he seem to not remember me? I could never forget him. Was I that forgettable to him? I couldn’t have been, he was blackness to everyone but me. To me, he was anything but. “Black,” I say. His eyes go wide and search around the room frantically. I saw him first when I was making my speech. Thinking it was my imagination and that it was my mind playing tricks on me, then he spoke and I knew he was real. As real as I am here right now. But how? “Are you sure, Rose? Are you one hundred percent fucking sure?” His hands are now on my arms, they’re squeezing harder than they should be. I nod my head, and Casey and Sax walk over. Her heavy belly pops out of the blue dress she’s wearing and Sax is looking around. “Did you see him?” I ask him. He knows everything, he’s one clued in man. He nods his head and Jake swears, then he runs off. We watch as he leaves, the doors slamming open when he walks out. I turn back to Sax, wanting to know it’s real still. “Did you talk to him?” I can feel myself wanting to scream, cry, something, anything. But I can’t, the night hasn’t ended, I can’t fall apart till the night ends. “A few weeks ago,” he says, looking straight at me now. I feel like I was just slapped. He knew and didn’t bother to tell me. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “I needed to dig further.” He steps closer now. Casey stands there in shock, actually quiet for once in her life. “Look Rose… he doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know anyone. I don’t fully understand yet, but I intend to find out.”

“He looked at me like I was a stranger, but his cold stare, it was there. He didn’t know me… at all! How am I meant to deal with that? I have his child.” Casey interrupts then grabs my shoulders trying her best to hug me. “You can’t force anything. You’re gonna have to take it gradually. You don’t know the man he is now, Rose. He’s still Black, remember that. Not Liam.” “How could you say that?” He steps in and leans close to my face. “I saw it, he’s Black, not Liam. Do you understand? Be careful around him.” I know what he’s saying, he’s saying that the man, the man that people fear is all him. And that the man I loved, Liam, isn’t there anymore. That I could easily be thrown to the side or shot like he’s done so many times before. “He wouldn’t do that to me, though.” “He would, he doesn’t know you. Don’t trust him.” “Trust…” I say, it hangs on my tongue like a foreign word.



CHAPTER 10 TRACE I ended up leaving as soon as Sax walked away, removing myself from the situation. Telling myself that it was the right decision to make. Maybe it’s best, I don’t know who she is, or even her name. Savannah has blown up my phone all through the night, even waking me this morning with her constant need. I switch it to vibrate—I’ve had enough—I’ll deal with her when I get back. I decide the best option is for me to leave this blonde woman. A woman that I know for a fact is not related, but somehow connected to me is best off without me here. She does not need someone like me, someone so… broken. The moment I open my hotel door with my bag in hand and ready to leave, she’s there, her hand raised mid-strike to knock on the door. Sunglasses cover her eyes, but I still feel her shock when she sees me. Her hands drop to her side, and I can feel her eyes bore into mine. “I was just leaving,” I tell her, not knowing what to say or do. She opens her mouth, then closes it. Opens it again, then stares at me some more. “I was wondering if we could talk?” she manages to ask. I nod my head and pull the door open wider, moving back to allow her entry. She walks past me and I get a waft of her perfume, she smells like flowers—caring, sweet, loving. I close the door and turn to watch her while she looks around the small motel room. Her hand drags along the television cabinet, her fingernails painted red from last night’s function. She stops when she hears me move, her body turns tight and she looks at me, removing her glasses from her eyes showcasing the blue—she’s so beautiful. “Do you know who I am?” I want to call her Red. I know from here on out every time I see the color red, it will be associated with her. “No! Do you know who I am?” Her head drops, she wipes the corner of one eye and looks back up to me again. “I do. I know you better than anyone else.” “How?” She takes a step to the bed and sits down on it, crossing her legs and pats the front of her skirt down before she looks back up to me. “I know you both on friendly terms, as well as physical.” “We fucked?” She flinches at my choice of word. “Yes.” “I’m sure I’ve fucked a lot of women, Red.” “Red?” she asks, ignoring my remark about fucking other women. “Yes. I don’t know your name, so I’ve been calling you Red.”

“Why Red?” I shake my head, this is not answering anything I need. “You seem to wear it a lot, your foundation is called Red.” “It is.” She smiles. “How long have we known each other?” She looks back down to her skirt and brushes it straight, even though it hasn’t moved. “Since we were sixteen.” I take a step back. That’s a long time to know someone, and that’s a lot of memory to forget. “Sixteen…” is all I can mutter. Just then my phone vibrates, and I don’t even look or think when I answer it. Red’s eyes are on me as she watches. “Yeah,” is all I can manage to say, staring at her, trying to think of just the slightest thing that would remind me… anything. Those words distract me so much that I don’t think twice as I answer the phone. “Baby, I miss you so much. Come home,” Savannah’s voice whines into my ear. I pull the phone away wanting to punch myself for being stupid enough to answer it in the first place. “Savannah, when I’m ready.” “But baby, I crave you so much. No one can touch me or fuck me like you.” “Not now,” I reply and hang up on her. Red hasn’t stopped looking at me, her eyes wide. “Do you…” her voice is shaky, “…have a girlfriend? Or wife?” She stands now, not being able to sit any longer. “Yes.” Her head shakes. “Yes to what?” Her hands throw themselves up and fall back to her side. “Wife?” “No.” Her hand flies to her heart like she’s relieved. “I need to go,” I finally say. Knowing I’ll have to deal with Savannah when I get back, it’s the last thing I want to do. “Leave?” she questions. I nod my head to her. “We need to talk, you can’t leave. I need to know that it’s you, and not just my imagination.” “Imagination?” I question her. “Yes, that it’s not my imagination trying to repair my heart.” “Give me your phone.” I hold my hand out and she gives me a questioning look then reaches into her skirt pocket and pulls it out handing it to me. Her locked screen has a photo of three kids on it. I look longer than necessary before I unlock then add my phone number. “It's under Trace,” I tell her handing her, her phone back. “Trace?” she questions. “Yes, my name.” “This can’t be real, it just can’t.” She steps closer and touches my face. I don’t move and let her hand touch me. “It’s got to be you, but it can’t…” Her hand drops and she shakes her head. “I can contact you through this number?” she asks after a moment of silence. “Yes.” “Anytime?” she asks again. “Yes, anytime.”

Her head nods in a slow nod. “Can I ask you what your first memory was?” “Memory?” I question her. “Yes, I need to know what you remember.” “I don’t have any memory apart from the last five years. When I woke up, I didn’t know anything or anyone… even myself. I remember seeing a lot of black.” Her breath sucks in, it’s fast and sharp. “Thank you,” she says and starts to leave, she stops when she’s next to me and leans up placing a soft kiss on my cheek. “I’ve missed you,” she says then she’s gone.



CHAPTER 11 TRACE Sometimes I have undeniable pain. Pain that’s so deep I think I’m damaged, actually, I know I’m damaged. I see women everywhere, and if one has long blonde hair, I feel the need to follow her. Something I don’t understand either. What is it with blonde women that haunts me so? Is it her—Red? Is she the reason that for five long years when I see a blonde, or ice blue eyes, something inside me stops? The blonde at the bar turns her head toward me and I instantly shake the thoughts, she’s nothing like Red. And neither is the blue-eyed beauty walking to me right now. She jumps on me, wrapping her legs around my waist. Her hands cup my face, her lips land on mine. They start to move, but I do nothing, just continue to stand there. She pulls back realizing this and drops her legs, staring at me. “What’s wrong with you?” she asks, her first words since I arrived back. I shake my head and pull my bag up over my shoulder walking past her. She catches up and follows me up the stairs to my room. “Talk to me, Trace.” “Is that even my name, Savannah?” She stops dead, and her blue eyes go wide. I don’t know why I loved them so much, when I look closer, they aren’t the blue that haunts me. “Why... why would you say that?” She manages to speak, a confused look crossing her face. Like she has no idea what I’m talking about, but her earlier reactions gave her away. I start to think, to really think and begin putting together the lies. I now believe that she fills my head with lie after lie. That’s only good for her and benefits her. When I awoke, it was her face I saw first, her face that was sitting by my bed. I remember it all as clear as day. Mainly because I could only remember so much, so much being the last five years, and I wanted the rest back. I want it all back. “Baby…” were her first words. She sat there, holding my hand. I flinched and pulled my hand away from her. Why was this stranger touching me and calling me by THAT name? She stood above me, her eyes now in clear sight. She was beautiful, sexy even. I could see myself fucking a piece of ass like that, but it was the eyes that drew me to her. “Savannah… that’s my name, Trace. Do you remember?” Her words made no sense, I didn’t understand them. Who the fuck was she talking about? I went to move and flinched hard from the pain that shot through me, my hand wanted to move to my back… my back was severely injured. “What happened?” I asked her, clearly having no idea why I felt like death. And couldn’t remember one single thing, no matter how hard I tried. “You had a job, it went bad…” She stopped talking and looked behind her. I attempted to follow her line of sight and saw nothing there. “You were shot,” she said looking at me again. “Why can’t I remember anything? Or who you are?”

She didn’t miss a beat as she replied like she knew this was coming. “I am your girlfriend. We’ve been together for years, you don’t recognize me?” “No,” was the only answer I could give her. Her hand reached out and touched the side of my face, tenderly. “You will, baby, it’ll all be okay.” Her name was called. She placed her red lips to my cheek, kissed me softly and walked out the door, leaving me wondering who the hell she was. “Stay somewhere else tonight,” I say coming from my memory of her. Her face scrunches up, her bottom lip pouts. I ignore it and walk straight past her to my room. When I open the door, Grover is sitting on my bed, watching me as I enter. “Pres?” I question, throwing my bag to the ground standing in the doorway. His eyes shift to my bag then up to me. “You’ve been gone a while, Trace.” His eyes are hard as he stares at me, then he drops them slightly to throw a photo onto the floor which lands at my feet. I look down and see that it’s a picture of me with Red—she’s at my door, at the hotel. “You following me?” My body is relaxed, my voice isn’t raised. I am anything but relaxed, but I’m ready for what he wants. “You ignored Savannah’s calls. Ignoring us?” My head shakes. Trouble, that’s all that girl is. How come I never saw it so clearly before. “Savannah? Seriously? How about this…” I grab the photo, picking it up from the floor and pocketing it. He watches my moves and I know instantly that it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have done that. “You get your girl to warm someone else’s bed, because she sure as shit is not going to be in mine anymore.” He stands abruptly, taking two steps closer to me. “Careful Trace, that blonde might have you thinking differently. Just remember who’s been here for the last five years. And you best be remembering we’re good at what we do, and what we’re capable of. “Is that a threat?” “Blood in… blood out, brother. You won’t leave without blood being shed, and it may not be yours.” His tight lip smile makes him think he has the upper hand. Little does he know he doesn’t scare me, I would happily kill all of them and not blink twice.

“You’re leaving again?” Kane eyes my bag on the floor, the one I haven’t unpacked since Grover left my room. I’ve been in here all day, trying to think, trying to remember anything. It’s like a black hole I can’t crack, no matter how hard I try. “Why?” He stands at the door and doesn’t move much, he’s probably the only one I can stand to talk to, even if he wants Savannah. Hell, he can have her. “I heard you kicked her out. Pres has ordered we keep an eye on you. You must’ve done something to piss everyone off.” He cracks his knuckles standing there. I wonder if I can get the truth from him. I know for a fact, I could torture it out of him. They all seem to be strong men, though, but I’m sure I could break each and every one of them. “Will you be honest with me?” His eyebrows pull together, but he nods yes.

“How long have you known me?” He starts to fidget, looking everywhere but at me then looks at the door for an escape. “Kane.” “I’ve known you forever, brother.” It’s a lie, I can hear it. “Honest Kane, last chance.” “Five years,” he says just barely. If I weren’t watching him, watching his lips, I wouldn’t have heard him. I know that. “Fuck!” I swear. “What was my name, Kane? Was it even Trace?” His head shakes. “You can’t tell them you know, or that I told you.” “Name?” “Black… they called you, Black. You’re what everyone wanted, and Grover hit the jackpot.” “Savannah?” I ask, he knows what I’m saying. “You never knew her before, she was told to play the girlfriend. Though, she didn’t complain once she saw you.” “Fucking bitch.” “She does love you, even if it was to use you at first… she does.” “Kane, just stop! I know you love her, grow the fuck up and tell her.” His head drops in shame. I can’t stand many people, but I can stand him in small doses.



CHAPTER 12 TRACE I stay at the clubhouse for a week, biding my time. Thinking of how I’ll get them back. How I will make them pay. I don’t rush into things. Instead, I manipulate them. I’m not a hot head, I have a deadly mind. They have no idea what they just brought upon themselves. Savannah has tried multiple times to sneak into my bed at night, and sometimes I almost allowed it… almost gave in. She caught me off guard, in a dream, with a raging hard on. Though when I heard her say, ‘Baby,’ I threw her across the room. She hasn’t tried it again after that night. The club is having issues, issues I’ve put there. To make them believe they can’t trust anyone but me. Six days ago, I set Boozer the Vice President up with a hooker, but he didn’t know it was me. The hooker wasn’t so much of a hooker, though, she was an old lady from one of the rival clubs who happened to like me. Photos were taken and were sent to the Pres, Grover. Shit hit the fan. It was a good day. The next day, I paid four kids one hundred dollars each if they stole Brak’s chopper, and replaced it with a motorized push bike. A note was left on the bike. Next will be your life, replaced with a doll if you don’t supply me the right amount. The note could have meant anything, it was stupid but did its job. He lost the trust of the club, members believing he’s selling the club’s drugs and making a profit of his own. To which he doesn’t have access. The following, was, well, too fucking easy. I didn’t even need to plan much. Stark has a weakness for a younger woman, early twenties, dressing up as a school girl. Grover has a younger daughter, younger than Savannah, a mere nineteen years old. No one is to go near her, and no one is talking to her. She hates her father, and is fucking Stark behind his back, to pay him back for favoring Savannah—the golden child. I stepped out one night, went for a walk. Stark had Grover’s bike, I recognized it and thought it was Grover as no one is meant to touch his bike. It’s his baby. Except the cries of pleasure I heard were not Grover, but Stark, a loyal member for ten years. Dirty old fucking bastard. I took photos, printed them, and sent them to Grover.

Today I walk into the shed and all three of his top members—the ones who have been with him the longest—are standing against the wall. Grover called me in. My face doesn’t change as I see the men, no

surprise needed. I’ve put cracks so large in their house, all the loyalty and trust is gone from his top men. “Pres,” I say. He looks to me, anger written on his face. The funny thing is, I planned to do more… so much more. The rest was easy. Except they made an impact and the results of which were exactly what I wanted—a broken club. “Loyalty, I live by it. My men are to be loyal… if they’re not, then the choice is punishment, blood, death. Which is it?” The three men look at me, knowing why I’m here, then back to Grover. They all speak at the same time. “Punishment,” they say in union. Grover nods to me and picks Stark to go first, the other two men turn away, not being allowed to see. The room is set up, everything I need is in here. It’s where I come to relax, to shoot, and occasionally torture their captives. The screams this room carries, they’re relaxing. It sounds weird, I know, but think about it. A person feels, that person is alive, undoubtedly, they scream from the pain, they bleed from the torture, they cry for relief. Those people feel, might not be the right type of feel, but it’s feeling, and it tells them they’re alive. I was tortured, a mere four months after I lost my memory. Now I’m thinking Grover had something to do with it. The pain from that night was horrific. I didn’t scream once, didn’t shed a tear once or utter a single word. Even when they sliced my incision open with a knife, the one from the gunshot wound, the wound that ultimately gave me no memory. I remember the sound, the sound of flesh being torn, the burning sensation of the wound being ripped open like it was yesterday. Eventually, they gave up when I’d lost too much blood and passed out. I woke in the same bed with Savannah next to me, holding my hand. She told me how the club rescued me, and that I owed them my life, yet again. I look to the iron, the iron in the fire. Grover steps out and closes the door behind hm. They never want to stay when I’m in here. I asked why once, and they said my eyes go blank, that I drift off, and am lethal when I’m in the zone. They’re scared of me, they should be. Stark is now on his hands and knees, no clothes on his body. The other two men are the same—naked —except their eyes face the wall, not toward me. “Hurry up, Trace!” he screams. I take my time, dipping in two irons, instead of one. I lean down, and whisper close to his ear, “Grover had a request…” His body tightens, he sucks in a breath and holds it. Grover didn’t have a request, but he doesn’t need to know that. “Whatever you do, don’t move,” I warn. They always move, it’s instinct. I pull the first iron from the fire—the red end shines bright—and I place it on his ass. He screams while trying to move away. I keep him there with a hand on his shoulder pulling him back into the iron. The smell of the burnt skin wafts up to my nose. Then once it’s done, I remove it, and before he can move himself the other iron lands on his other ass cheek branding that one as well. He screams like a girl, but he cries like a woman. Then for added pleasure, with gloved hands, I push salt into his wounds. He runs then, not caring what the outcome will be. He isn’t tied down, so I don’t stop him. I do the exact same thing. Whisper the exact same thing to Boozer. He’s the same, ends up running at the end.

Brak’s is the youngest, about the same age as me. He takes it all, doesn’t even scream when the first iron hits him. The second, however, forces him to scream out in agony. Then just before the salt, he talks and I stop. “They use you.” His voice is tired, he’s had enough. “I know.” He shakes his head, still in the same position, on all fours. “You don’t, you’re not even a member. You’re his toy, and he takes great pride in it. Before you… we didn’t have what we have now… respect. People weren’t afraid of us. They are, however, afraid of you and what you’re capable of.” “What am I capable of?” “You really don’t know?” He collapses onto the floor, I drop the salt from my hand. This was what I wanted, I wanted them to break their loyalty, to break it to me. He removes his head from being face down on the cement and turns so he’s lying on his cheek and looks up at me. “Everything, Black.”



CHAPTER 13 TRACE I didn’t stay long, I repacked the same bag and drove. I need more answers, answers I’m only getting in pieces from people. No one is speaking to me as they should especially at the clubhouse. If what he says is true, no one there will tell me anything. I’m an asset, not a member. But why? I got her address, it wasn’t hard to find when I looked her up. I don’t think as I walk to her door and knock. I wait, and just when I go to knock again the door opens, and a little boy stands there. He looks me up and down and I can immediately tell he has an attitude. “What ya want?” he asks. He speaks well, he couldn’t be more than four or five. His hair is dark, his eyes green. He looks familiar—is this one of Red’s kids? I hear her voice, she yells out to the little dude standing in front of me. He rolls his eyes and walks off, leaving the door wide open. I stand there, unsure of what I’m meant to do. Do I walk in? Or wait? I decide to wait, it doesn’t take her long to come to the door. She looks surprised when she sees me, her hands go to her shirt and she pulls it down, her eyes look around the house then back to me. “Why are you here?” I hear someone calling her. “Mommy!” they yell. She tells him she’ll be there in a minute, then turns back to look at me. “Trace…” She tenses when she says that name knowing full well it’s not mine. “You can call me Black, Red.” Her eyes go big, her hands drop from her shirt. “You remember?” She takes a step toward me, I stop her with my words. “No! I’ve been told that’s my real name, right?” I question it, to see what she says. She shakes her head. “Yes and no, not to me.” “Can we talk?” She turns her head back, holds up a finger then disappears. I wait until she comes back. Looking tired, she has on loose pants, a baggy shirt, her long hair is in a bun on top of her head. She isn’t done up, no make-up on her face. She’s just natural. And fuck, she’s the still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Why do I get these feelings from her? I want to know why. What is it that makes her so special and attractive to me, and not like any other woman? “Can you come back in two hours?” I nod my head and don’t say anything as I walk away. I feel her stare as she watches me, though.

It's only an hour, her text comes through asking me to return. I leave for her house as soon as it comes in. She already has the door open when I enter and she’s now wearing a dress. It’s nothing fancy, just a

blue dress that hugs her body, her hair is still in a knot on top of her head. She holds the door open as I enter, and instantly I smell baking. She’s been cooking. I walk into the living room, it’s a mess. Toys are littered all over the floor, photos clutter the walls. Kids from all ages, even men. In between it all, I see a photo that stands out—it’s me. It’s small, you’d miss it if you weren’t looking hard enough. She’s lying next to me, her hair is fanned out on the floor. Her smile is seductive and beautiful, and I wonder when I can get a smile like that from her. My head lies next to her, except I’m not looking at the camera, my eyes are focused on her. The photo doesn’t seem to be that old, I still look the same. Nothing much has changed, no wonder she was so shocked to see me. “I snuck that photo. You would never have approved.” Her voice echoes behind me. “Were you my wife?” She shakes her head straight away, I have a feeling she wouldn’t lie to me. Usually, I can trust my instincts. “Why did I look at you like that?” She looks back to the photo, a soft smile touches her lips, then she looks back to me. “We were two fucked up people that had a beautifully fucked up relationship.” “Fucked up?” I liked hearing her swear, she doesn’t seem the type to do so. She stares at the photo as she talks, and doesn’t bother looking at me. “Yes, so fucked up. You were evil. As pure as evil could get. I was a druggie. So you see… two fucked up people.” “You were the druggie?” I remember Savannah telling me I fucked a druggie. I look at her carefully, she doesn’t seem the type to be an addict. She’s a good person, I can feel it emanating from her. “Yes.” “And I fucked a druggie?” I question her. That does not sound like me. I would not touch a druggie girl, they’re nothing but issues. Her head swings around, she’s angry with me, and I think I like it. “You didn’t fuck a druggie, you fucked me. Someone you couldn’t stay away from, someone you would’ve killed anyone to protect. I am that person, Black, that’s me. You and me, you see… we’re our own fucked up mess, but what a beautiful fucked up mess we were.” “Fucked up, mess,” I mutter. Her hands are on my chest, she touched my chest in anger when she said the word fucked. “It wasn’t easy,” she says, sitting down now. She doesn’t even move the toys that litter her couch. “No matter how much we weren’t meant to be, we had to be.” She looks up to me, tears now in her eyes. “Does that make sense to you?” I shake my head, none of it does. “Can I touch you?” she asks. I don’t answer her straight away. It’s a weird question to ask, why would she ask that? I nod my head and she gets up and slowly walks to me. Her hands are light when they touch my chest like she’s being very cautious. Her eyes won’t look at mine, they watch her own hands. “You let this woman touch you?” Still no eye contact, both hands are now on my chest. “Yes.” “That h-hurts me t-the most,” her voice breaks as she speaks. “Why?”

Her beautiful blue eyes finally look to mine. Sadness covers them. “No one was allowed to touch you. Except me.” I grab her then, pull her body into my chest. She cries harder, I can feel the wetness from her eyes seeping through my shirt. I pick her up, cradle her, and carry her to the couch. She clings to me, sobbing on me. This would make me highly uncomfortable, it would make me dizzily angry to the point where I black out—nothing shows weakness more than tears. She stays on me, her dress is ridden up from me picking her up. Her soft pale skin on display, so close to exposing her beautiful ass. I stay the exact way I am, not moving. She eventually calms down, and when I move her to check on her, I find her asleep. I shift her from me completely, place a pillow under her head and walk out. As I do a young man stands at the door, obviously watching. He’s tall, with short blond hair, and he smiles brightly at me. “Good afternoon, sir,” he says, he looks around at Red, then back to me. A school bag is linked over his shoulder. I nod my head at him and walk past, he stops me as I get to the car. “Can I get a lift?” I recognize him from Red’s photos. He must be hers, but how? He looks too old to be one of hers. I nod my head and he climbs in, smiling at me. I drive for a while, waiting for him to talk, to tell me where to go. But no words leave his mouth. “Where to?” “Back home, Mr. Black.” I look to him then press my foot on the brake hard. “You know me?” He smiles, nodding his head. “And I thank you, Mr. Black.” He’s odd, just like the woman. I don’t bother asking anything more, no one seems to give me what I really need. Hell, I don’t even know what I really need. Though, I have a feeling it comes with long blonde hair and see-through blue eyes.



CHAPTER 14 TRACE “I want you to tell me a secret,” Her voice pulls me from my thoughts as I speak to her on the phone. “A secret?” I question. Why is she odd? “Yes. Tell me a secret no one knows. I want to be the only one to hold it.” I start to think what I should tell her because I have no fucking idea. “I like it when the blackness takes over,” I say, she laughs through the phone. “I knew that. That’s why you were so good at your job. Now Black, tell me a secret, make it good, and I will tell you one, too.” “I dream of you, I’ve always dreamed of you.” I hear her intake of breath. “Just not your face… but it was always you.” “I’ve missed you,” her voice is so small, if I didn’t have the phone glued to my ear, I wouldn’t have heard her. “I can’t say the same.” She doesn’t respond straight away, making me think she has hung up, and I have to check the phone to make sure she’s still there. “What are you doing for work?” “I kill people.” “No, no… How? How are you doing that? Again?” “Again?” I want to know what she means. “That’s what your job was, that’s what you did. How are you still doing that, and not remember who you were?” “Tell me, tell me about who I was?” “Can I come to you?” “Yes, I’m at the hotel.” I hear her shuffling, then talking to someone in the background. “I’ll be there soon,” she says then cuts off the phone. Just as I place it down, a knock comes at the door, and when I open it a short brunette stands there, her face is flushed, her fists are scrunched—she’s definitely not a happy camper. “Black,” she huffs out walking past me. She’s heavily pregnant, her belly pushes me out of the way when she enters. Her face is flushed, her cheeks red. She stands in front of me once I close the door, her finger pointing at my chest. “What game you playing at?” Her finger does it again, pushing into my chest. If she weren’t so heavily pregnant, I would probably kick her ass out the door. I don’t answer her, just stand there, watching her pointy chubby finger dig into my chest. “If you hurt her, pregnant or not, I will slice you in your sleep. You get me?” Her hands move in a

motion of cutting her neck. I want to laugh. Is she a joke? “I can see you think I’m a joke. I am, after all, nothing compared to the big and scary Black. But be warned, you broke her, broke her fucking well and good, and if you do so again, I will break you.” Her hands finally drop to the side, then our heads swing to the door at the same time, because there’s another knock. “Fuck, he found me.” Her body relaxes, so I know it’s not a threat to her. She waddles to the door and pulls it open, Sax stands there with shades covering his eyes. He looks to me, tenses, then back to the brunette, then relaxes. “I told you to stay out of it, woman,” he says walking in, touching her hip—the wife I realize. Her nose scrunches up at him. “I can do what I want.” Sax shakes his head and leans down and kisses the top of hers. “She didn’t pull a knife on you did she?” he asks, and the brunette hits his chest while he laughs. “You took it away from me,” she whines. Who the fuck are these people? “Brother.” He nods his head, guiding his wife away. She looks back at me and pins me with a cold hard stare, one I think is meant to intimidate me. But does no such thing. The door opens, and she’s there. No not Red, Savannah. The brunette looks her up and down. Sax tries to guide her out with a hand to her back, the look she gives Savannah is anything but nice, but Savannah doesn’t care, she simply smiles at her like she doesn’t give two shits. “Trace,” she says, as they leave and shut the door behind them. Why the fuck is she here? This bitch has a few screws loose. She steps closer to me, inching herself into my personal space. I don’t want her here, she comes with lies. Nothing but lies. “You need to come home… please come home?”



CHAPTER 15 ROSE I hear a woman’s voice, it’s sultry, unlike mine. I look to the door again. Checking the number on the hotel room door, confirming that it’s his. So why did he say I can come over if there’s a woman inside? I stand there, unsure of what I should be doing. Jake wanted to come, maybe I should have let him. So I don’t have to face this alone. Except, I’ve always loved alone time with Liam. It’s completely different now, but somehow and in some ways, it’s still the same. Knocking on the door because I can’t stand here any longer, I either have to do it, to see him or walk away. Which is impossible to do, I could never walk away from him, even when I was sixteen. “I can’t, I won’t go with you.” My voice was raised, my mother getting angrier, my temper high, and she knew it. “You don’t have a choice, Rose. This is what’s best for us. You can’t stay here anymore, that boy is no good for you.” I scoffed at her. Really? She didn’t even know him. She had heard, though, people talked in a town that was small. I was now associated with the bad boy, someone I shouldn’t have been socializing with. But who were they to tell me so? “I won’t go, you can’t make me go. He needs me, I need him.” I was on the verge of tears, she couldn’t take me away, she wouldn’t take me away from him. “You don’t have a say!” She stepped closer to me, her hand brushing my face. “He is just a phase, darling, you’ll soon forget about him.” I never did. I never would. Sixteen, I remember that day, the day I was meant to go back to him. He would have been waiting for me. Like I always waited for him. It was us, we waited for each other, just to be near each other. I never forgot him, but mother never knew that. I went back once, before I met Robert, before my life collapsed. I searched for him, no one knew of a man named Liam, I didn’t even know where he lived. I asked everywhere, no one knew. I got on that train and never went back. I wish I found him then, I wish I had those years. Except I don’t, and I’ve even missed so many more. It’s like we’re to be torn apart no matter what. Except when a sexy brunette answers the door, I know that’s a lie, that I will have him and no one else. As I stare at him behind her, his eyes go to the woman, then back to me, and right there is my confirmation. Just that slight look alone. He won’t see any other woman the way he looks at me. It’s small, but I know. Just as I know him. “You need to leave,” she hisses at me. Like I’m the intruder. Well, maybe I am? I go to step back, not wanting to be involved in whatever’s going on, though wanting to stay so I can see him.

“Don’t leave.” His voice is strong, just like it always is. He comes off demanding, without raising his voice. The woman’s head snaps back to his, but his eyes leave mine to look at her. “She can’t stay. We need to talk, you need to come home.” A punch in the gut is what that is. Black doesn’t speak, he doesn’t have to, his body language and the way he looks tells you exactly what he’s thinking. And just as she realizes this, it hurts. It hurts so much because she understands him, she knows him—the now him. Not my him. “I’ve seen you before,” she says turning to me now, my head is down, I don’t want either of them to see the pain in my eyes. I look up to her, realizing she’s speaking to me. I drop my head to the side, trying to gather where I’ve seen her. Nothing comes, I have no idea. “You were high as a fucking kite. You still a druggie?” She steps closer. She’s taller than me, prettier, everything I’m not. She’s wearing shorts, so short they would fit my ten-year-old daughter. I’m wearing a knee-length dress. His hand snaps out and wraps around her arm, her eyes leave mine and look up to his. “What baby,” she says. That makes me snort, and both heads turn toward me then. “You think that’s funny, bitch? You won’t think it’s funny when he’s fucking you and wishing it was me riding his cock.” “Enough, leave now.” He pushes her arm forward, and I step to the side. He then closes the door in her face, locking it, effectively trapping us both inside together. “Umm… that was interesting,” I say. He looks to me, his green eyes staring right into mine. His hand runs through his dark hair, pushing it backward. “Interesting bloody day! Had your friend here just before…” I look behind me, who? Obviously not that chick. “The heavily pregnant one… a bit crazy…” “Shit, sorry, I told her where I was going, she wanted to know. I didn’t even think she would come around.” He sits on his bed, watching me as I stand still near the door. “How many kids do you have?” he asks, and I remain there shocked. “Three.” “I knew you had three kids? And I still wanted to be around you?” “What’s that meant to mean?” I’m defensive now. That was rude, and two of those kids are because of him. “I don’t do kids. Fuck! I hardly do people.” “I know.” I understand now, he still slightly the man I once knew. “You liked these kids if that counts?” He nods his head, I know he doesn’t believe me. He just agrees for the sake of it. “Your name?” “My name?” “Yes, I still don’t know it. And as far as I’m concerned, I’ll call you Red.” “I kind of like it,” I admit. I do. I kind of like it—it goes with his, Black. “Name?” he questions again. He’s looking at me so intensely, the only way he can, the only way he does. And I have no choice but to answer. “Rose,” I finally reply, watching him as he stares at me, his lips quirk when he responds. “Perfect.”

“Can we go somewhere?” A simple head nod is all I get.

We come to a stop at a two-story home. It’s nothing special, though in some ways, it feels special. She climbs out of the truck, and stands in front, waiting for me. I walk up next to her and she reaches up and touches my face, then removes my glasses. “I like to read you, your eyes tell me more than you do,” she explains, and I don’t stop her even as she walks toward the house and I follow blindly behind her. She stops at the bottom of the stairs, I see that there’s an open door and behind that is a spare room, her gaze lingers on it longer than necessary, before she walks up. I watch her ass as she sashays in front of me, knowing I shouldn’t. Her ass is perfect, the whole package of her is perfect actually, she shouldn’t be able to tease the male population with her looks because it’s a crime. “Stop staring at my ass.” She doesn’t even turn around when she says that. It’s like she knew. I chuckle slightly not denying the fact that I was blatantly checking her ass out. She opens the door and the inside of this house is the most colorful thing I’ve seen, the walls are lined with tags and graffiti covering the walls. What an odd thing to see, or even decorate? She walks straight past it all and goes to the back, opening a door. She stops and doesn’t flick on a light, I stand next to her and everything in this room is the complete opposite of the house. It’s all black, the walls are black, the bedding, even the bed. Not a sign of color anywhere. “Whose room is this?” She turns to look at me, her glasses now on top of her head. “Yours.” She smiles sadly, a tear leaking from one eye. I walk in, and touch things, hoping something or anything will come back to me. Nothing does. “It took me ages to come back in here, I had to sleep in the living room or on the floor.” She smiles just barely. “Why?” “You had your demons.” “Did you?” “Did I have demons?” she asks raising her hand to her chest. I nod my head. “Yes, plenty. You saved me from them actually.” “Really?” I question her, I’m not the type to save someone, I’m actually the complete opposite. I destroy, ruin, kill. Her ice blue eyes lift to mine. She steps closer, so our toes almost touch. Her hand shakes as she reaches up and touches my chest. “Is she allowed to touch you whenever she pleases?” Her eyes won’t reach mine, even though I want them to. “Yes.” I know who she’s talking about. I know it is ain the way she says she. Savannah. Her hand goes to drop but I catch it with mine and hold it there. “Why?” Our last conversation about touching, she broke down, I couldn’t get many words from her. “It took me ages to be able to touch you, I thought I’d never be able to.”

“I didn’t allow you to touch me?” Her cheeks blush. “Only in certain areas,” she says shyly.



CHAPTER 16 BLACK She wants to take me somewhere, I don’t say no. If she can help me piece together my memory, I won't be saying no. A part of me wants to find a place, stay in it by myself, do my work, and escape into the darkness. I like the place it takes me to, it’s a place that’s peaceful. But it’s wrong, so people tell me. I was surprised by her choice of car, it’s a truck. A black truck, it’s something I would own. She doesn’t look to me when she drives, her shades cover her face. Her fingers tap on the steering wheel, her fingernails are red. The name I once called her, still call her, matches her even more now I know her name. “Where do you live?” she asks pulling to a stop. I look around, it’s quiet, a train track, no one is here but us. I feel her stare on me, even with the glasses covering her eyes I can tell she’s looking directly at me. “A few hours away, in a club.” “In a club?” “Yes, Vicious Vipers.” Her hands fly to her mouth. “A bikie club?” “Yes!” Her hands start to shake, then her body. She reaches for the door, trying to open it but she can’t, because her hands won’t stop shaking. I reach over, it shocks her and makes her jump backward in the seat. She looks to me, and I can just make out her wide eyes behind the glasses she wears. I open it and she jumps straight out, hands crashing to the ground while she breathes deep on all fours. I don’t know what I’m meant to do. I don’t know this woman, I don’t comfort women. Hell, I don’t comfort anyone. When I walk around to the side of the truck where she’s on the ground, she starts to stand. Her hands bracing herself on the truck. “Sorry, it doesn’t happen often.” She wipes the front of her dress, straightening up. “Why?” She removes her glasses from her face, sadness is evident in her eyes. “Blackness…” is all she says before she starts to walk past me. I follow her, unsure of what we’re doing, or even what’s happening. “This is one of our places,” she says. I look to the train, her hand slips into mine, then I remember… remember something. Her hand slipped into mine, it was odd, I hadn’t gotten used to her hand. It was too soft, too tender, too innocent. She had done it often, though. Every day I saw her, she would sneak up on me and lace her fingers through mine. Like she knew I needed it, like she knew that she brought color with her. That when she was there, it wasn’t so dark, because fuck it was—fuck was it dark.

She squeezed my hand, nudging me with her shoulder. We were at one of our places, the train tracks. Trains were colored on one side, mainly from me, painting her name. Mainly in red, or any other color that was as vibrant as what she was. No black was needed when I was with her—all color. “Tomorrow,” she whispered turning her head away from the train, looking up at me with her ice blue eyes. Tomorrow was what I always looked forward to, till I could gain the color back, gain it back by her hand, in her touch, in her. She raised her other hand, brushing the stubble that was now growing on my jaw, it wasn’t much, but I couldn’t afford to shave it. “You should grow it, make me even weaker at the knees.” She winked, always at the most incidental things. She was random in some ways, I liked that about her. My own hand went to touch it, I thought about it and decided I would. She could see my decision, she just knew me. Like no one had before. “I’ll miss you when I can’t see you, and I’ll miss you even more until the minute I do.” “I’ll miss the minutes, the seconds, the hours, until then.” I always retorted her odd way with words, sometimes they made no sense, but since that first night, when weird confessions were made on top of a lake, nothing seemed that odd anymore. She leaned up, her lips brushed slightly against my lips, they were so soft, so full. I could never get enough of them. I released our joined hand, grabbed either side of her face and kissed her as hard as I could. She participated. Opening her mouth and giving me as much back. When we broke apart, our breaths were heavy and our eyes closed. She leaned in and kissed me one more time. I watched as she walked away, her long blonde hair swaying as she left. And couldn’t wait for the next twelve hours to be over so I could see her again. Then… I waited. She didn’t come the next day. Or... the next. The color was gone. And in its place, was Black. I look at the train, then back at her. I don’t remember anything but that memory and the pain she left with it. Her hand squeezes mine. Was she the cause of the darkness that took me over? Was she the reason killing someone didn’t affect me. Was she the reason I didn’t care? Didn’t love? The train was still colored, the paint chipped in places, but her name in red writing stood out the most. “Sixteen years old,” I whisper. I hear her sharp intake of breath, then listen as she came to stand in front of me. Her eyes are large with hope. “I’ll miss you when I can’t see you, and I’ll miss you even more until the minute I do.” I look straight into her eyes when the words leave my mouth, her eyes growing so wide in surprise. She steps forward, reached her hand up to my face, touching my beard. “I knew I’d love it,” she says, touching it. I watch her with interest. The thoughts consuming my mind mixed with anger and lust. I want to fuck her like I’ve never fucked anyone. Then I want to strangle her for making me this way. The cold-hearted bastard that I am. I grab her face with both hands, pull her to me and place my mouth on hers—it’s not soft, it’s hard. Her mouth automatically opens granting me access. I take it, planning to take it all from her

tonight, then dish out her own punishment. Her body rubbing against mine, I rub back wanting the friction to never end. I walk us backward, she keeps up with me, then, I pick her up by the back of her legs and slam her back into the train. Punishment. She squeaks but never says a word. I free my cock, hike up her skirt, then pull her panties to the side. She knows what I’m about to do, and doesn’t stop me. I break away, the kiss falling from my lips as I watch her. Her eyes are closed, her head slams back against the train in pleasure, and I’m not even inside of her yet. Has she not been touched for ages? The thought skips through me then vanishes just as fast. I position her, then slam into her. She screams my name—not Trace, but Liam. The one I just remembered. It’s beautiful coming from her lips, and it’s even sexier how she rides my cock, up and down. Her nails dig into my shoulders, my fingers dig into her ass. She wants what I’m giving her, no, she fucking loves it. “Tell me, Liam,” she screams. I ignore her and push into her harder, fucking her harder. It’s pleasure unlike I’ve had with other women. She’s it, and I’m about to ruin it. Was it the darkness taking over? It has its way of doing that, though not with her. She keeps it at bay, something I never understood until tonight. I’m bruising her hips now, I can feel my own strength gripping her too tightly that I know bruises will be left. She doesn’t seem to care, it actually makes her go faster, encouraging her. She leans down when she’s coming, her pussy milking my cock and she bites my shoulder, hard. Then I come. Her head picks up, she smiles at me, hope written on her face. Nothing is written on mine. I know she can see it, her smile drops, her hope dwindles too. I unwrap her legs and place them on solid ground. I smile a sinister smile and speak, “Tomorrow.” She barely smiles but repeats what I said, and turns away from me as I walk off.



CHAPTER 17 ROSE I don’t know what happened, don’t know how to explain it. He was there, then he wasn’t. He fucked me, and he fucked me hard. It was brilliant but damaging. He remembered me, then he left. I don’t quite understand it, and I stay in the same spot for what seems like ages. He walked off, didn’t even say goodbye, didn’t want me to come with him. If he remembered me, how could he do something like that? Liam Black wouldn’t have done that to me. Yes, he has pushed me away, and I pushed right back. He wouldn’t have left me, though, I don’t think he could have even he tried. What we had, is hard to describe, and even harder to explain. It’s something people wouldn’t understand. We are two different people, living on two different planets—his is one with no love or feelings and my planet is his.

Jake is at my house when I enter, he takes one look at me, grabs his jacket and storms to the front door. He knows where I’ve been, knows who I was with. I don’t want him angry at Liam, he can’t be. “Don’t Jake.” He stops with his hand on the door, turns to look at me and grimaces. “I can get a punch in before he shoots me at least.” He tries to make a joke though it isn’t one. What he says is true. “Tell me what happened, tell me before I make it worse in my head than what it is.” “He said he remembered, then we…” I stop, to look at him. He nods his head, he understands. “Then he left. Except the way he left, it was like he was punishing me.” “Punishing you?” I nod my head. “So he fucked you in public, then left you?” I nod my head again, I don’t look up though I hear the door slam as he leaves. I pace my entry, looking to the door, waiting for him to walk back in. He’s done this before, gotten angry, left, then walks back in a little later. Except this time, I don’t know if he will. I ring Liam, wondering if he will even answer me. To my surprise he does. “I hate these things,” he grumbles into the phone. “I know, you always have.” “Red.” “Yes, look… Jake is angry with you. He may be there very soon. Don’t shoot him.” “Shoot him?” he questions me. “Yes, don’t shoot him.”

“Who is Jake? And why can’t I shoot him?” I drop the phone, my hands cling to my hair. Really? How is this happening to me? I manage to pick the phone back up, when I do the front door opens and Jake is standing there, his hand is busted, but he’s more relaxed. “I have to go,” I say into the phone hanging up on him. I don’t wait for a reply or to answer his question. I walk straight to the kitchen, grabbing an ice pack and walking back to where Jake is, still standing in the same spot. “Thank you.” He winks at me and doesn’t flinch when I place the pack on his knuckles. “I ain’t promising I won’t get a hit in.” “I know, just let me deal with it all for now.” “Have you told him? Told him about Liam?” I shake my head no, he raises an eyebrow at me in question, he always does that to me. “I don’t think he remembers me.” Jake pulls a tight face, not quite understanding. “I spoke to him. He doesn’t remember you. You should be someone he remembers if he remembers. You were a fixture. I think he only remembers something, not sure what, and I know it’s with me. I just don’t know what exactly.” “This whole thing is fucked. You know that, right?” “Also life lifting.” “How?” “I wasn’t living before, Jake. I was surviving. I still have nightmares. Now when I have those nightmares, I wake, knowing it’s going to be okay. He’s alive, the devil didn’t take him.” “The devil?” He shakes his head at me. “Yes, his blackness. He said it would take him to hell.” “You’re gonna have to tell him, you can’t wait forever, Rose. He needs to know. Even if he doesn’t remember you, want you, he needs to know he has a child. Let him decide for himself what he wants.” “He won’t want me?” “There’s a possibility, Rose, you aren’t embedded on him. You were before, you aren’t now.” “I’ll embed myself on him again.” He laughs at me as he grabs the ice pack and walks off. The kids run to the door, Jake stays down the other end of the house, possibly patching up his hands. My mother smiles at me as she carries Liam in asleep in her arms. I take him from her and thank her, she kisses me on the cheek and leaves. Our relationship has grown, she has grown. She’s dating now, and she’s more involved in our lives. Hayden smiles and kisses my cheek. I love that boy just like he was my own. To me he is mine. He calls me Mom, and I let him. His parents never once tried to contact him, they took off after they got their money from Liam and never looked back. “Have you seen him?” Hayden asks as I start preparing tonight’s dinner, he sits on the bench watching me. “Who?” “Mr. Black.”

I drop the carrot and look at him. He always called him that, Mr. Black. “Have you?” He nods his head with confirmation. “Yes, I even got in the car with him. He’s much the same, but somehow different.” “He is, Hayden?” He smiles at me, and I know how much it hurt him when he died. “Don’t go around Mr. Black, okay? Not until I say so.” “Why Mom?” “Please just don’t, will you listen to me?” It’s a lot for me to ask that, he was around Liam for so long, Liam was his savior. He did things for him that he didn’t even know he was doing which was effectively saving his life. “Okay,” he agrees, and I want to believe him. I do. Except it’s Liam, once you love him, it’s hard to let him go.



CHAPTER 18 BLACK My head snaps back, my nose starts dripping with blood, so I wipe at it. The man stands there, smiling, then he walks to me and claps me on the back and hugs me. I want to shoot him, I think I might till he speaks. “You deserved that, don’t do that to her again.” “What?” “You asked me to protect her with my life. I will protect her, have been, even if that means from you.” “Who the fuck are you?” He’s dressed much like my brothers from the club. I can tell automatically he’s a biker. That’s why my hand is on my gun, not moving. “Your brother man.” “I know who my brothers are, and soon, they will all be ten feet under. Now would you like to rephrase that?” He laughs a good belly laugh at me. “Still the same.” I haven’t moved from the bed I’m on since he hit me, I haven’t been able to move from this bed since last night. My body is breaking out in the shakes, I’ve been sick all night. I only moved inches after the punch to reach for my gun, which is still in hand, no matter who he says he is. I try to stand, I do, but my body won’t have it. I catch myself on the wall, it doesn’t last long, the dizziness takes over, and soon I’m falling.

I awake to people surrounding me. A man in a suit stands and talks to a woman, her voice is calming. I like her voice, I just can’t see her. Sleep takes me again.

I can feel her hands on my arm and the touch is soft. She runs it along, soothing, except a part of me wants to pull away. I do so, move away, she stands up abruptly. She looks tired, her eyes are bloodshot red. She’s changed her clothes, though, and the bed I’m in, I don’t recognize at all. “You were having withdrawals.” Her hand shakes, as she runs it through her hair, such long blonde hair. “We don’t quite understand from what, but we have an idea.” “Idea?” My voice is scratchy. How many days have I been asleep? Or drunk any water? My mouth feels so parched, and lips cracked. I notice the drip in my arm and pull it out, the room I’m in is black,

and it feels oddly comforting. “You have track marks between your toes, did you do that?” Shock and anger radiate through me, anger based on who I think did this. Shock as how they got away with it. She asks me again, “Did you do that, Liam?” Her face is so close, it’s so tired. Did I make her like that? “How long have I been… here?” I ask looking around. She sits back on the end of the bed, her face scrunches, hurt from me not answering her question. “A few days, close to a week.” “Fuck!” I stand, my legs are shaky. She stands automatically, ready to grab me. I am inches from her now, her face is so close. Her full pink lips, so kissable, so fucking close. “This is your room.” I watch her lips when she speaks. It takes me moments to understand what she’s saying. A noise, a noise so loud pulls me from her. She steps forward, closer to me. The noise scaring her, enticing me. A noise that’s bred into me rings off again, I don’t stop her when she pulls away and opens the door. I can’t, my body is too slow, too broken right now, my energy has been drained to non-existent. Another shot, this time I don’t see her, she’s disappeared through the door. I reach under the bed, pulling out a black case. Opening it, I wonder why I even grabbed it, not wondering how I knew exactly where it was. It has two guns, a handgun, and a sniper rifle. I pull the rifle—this is something that feels like mine. It feels like the only thing I’ve touched that feels all mine. I know everything about it, without even seeing it clearly. Another shot, women start to scream. I use the walls to help me walk out, and when I enter the main room, I see a red couch with colored walls, so brightly covered in graffiti. This is the house she took me to before I fucked her against a dirty wall like a whore. I get to the window and look down, Red is a few meters away from Savannah. Savannah has a gun in her hand, waving it around like the careless bitch that she is. I hear Red’s calming voice, trying to placate her. It won’t work, because Savannah is a special kind of crazy. She sees me in the window and smiles brightly. Red follows her eyes and looks up at me the same time Savannah does. They aren’t too far apart, meters at best, but Red is blocking Savannah from the angle I aim at. “You think you can just leave?” She laughs, raises her gun to Red. Red looks back, Savannah isn’t watching her, her eyes are on me. “For this? For the junkie?” “What did you do to me, Savannah?” Her lips quirk up. “Having withdrawals, love?” Her shoulders rise in confidence. “Come with me and I can make it all better, baby.” “What was it, Savannah?” “It’s a memory suppressor, my love. One I gave to you when I slipped it into your dinner to help you fall asleep at night. You would have never known if you didn’t leave me.” Her eyes fall back to Red, she smiles at her. When she talks, she talks to me but constantly watches Red. “If you leave with me, we can forget about everything that’s happened, and I won’t hurt her.” She removes the safety from the gun, and Red begins to shake.

I take aim—she doesn’t see me—and I shoot. She smiles brightly.



CHAPTER 19 ROSE The pain is so intense, it rips through my shoulder like a knife twisting back and forth. Savannah hums in amusement, her white teeth reminding me of the devil. She lowers her gun, looking up at Liam and blows him a kiss. She goes to raise the gun again, taking aim at my head, then as her smile turns sinister, her eyes roll backward. There’s a hole in between her eyes on her forehead. She drops to my feet. Not long after, I do the same, we both lay there coloring the green grass red. I hear footsteps, my body is on the verge of passing out. I can feel the blood as it pours from the wound, the pain taking hold. It hurts, and yes I’ve had worse. This, though, this is a pain that won’t stop twisting, a pain that my body wants to shut out by sleeping. I vaguely feel him, I smell him. I hear his struggle as he carries me up the stairs. He wouldn’t have any energy, he hasn’t eaten solid food for over a week. He places me in the bath, cuts my shirt open with a pocket knife, and I drift in and out of consciousness. “Bite,” he commands, placing something into my mouth. I can’t, I want to sleep because sleep takes the pain away. My own screams—ring in my ears. He’s digging into my shoulder for the bullet, his fingers inside my open wound. His free hand places the shirt into my mouth, trying to cut my screams but it doesn’t work. I hear when he removes the bullet, it dings when it hits the tiles, and I collapse a little more into the bath. He lifts me back up so he can reach my shoulder easily. This time, when he places something into my mouth he commands, “Bite.” I do, and pass out from that pain, as he stitches me up.

He’s asleep next to me when I wake again. I watch his profile. He sleeps exactly the same as he did last time. Not moving, on his back. Like he’s dead. He has a scar on his eyebrow, one he never had before. I kneel up on my elbows, looking him over, he has a plain black shirt on I can’t see much, especially with his long black slacks that fit perfectly on his toned body. His hands, though, I notice them. He has a scar so deep in both palms. I lift his hand up gently while examining it. It’s on both sides like something has gone right through his hand. “Last person that touched me when I was sleeping, that I didn’t know, ended up with a bullet, Red.” I drop his hand out of sheer shock, his eyes are open and he’s watching me, but it’s with interest. “You know me,” I reply. “No, you used to know a version of me. I know no version of you.” He puts his hands to his stomach. “Do you feel anything when you’re with me?” “I do.” His answers are short, much like they always have been.

“What?” “That I want to push you away.” He sits up, coming face to face with me. “That’s nothing new, you tried that once and it didn’t work.” I shrug my shoulders, it’s the truth. “Tell me what happened?” “Happened?” “Yes, I want to know why no one searched for me if you say I was so important?” “You are… to me.” I turn my head to his window, it’s blacked out, to match the darkness of this room. “I can’t talk about it, not even with you.” “Why?” He’s looking at me, his face emotionless, though his eyes, they tell something different. “You should remember soon, and if you don’t, I will tell you. I just can’t, it hurts too much.” “You were important to me, weren’t you?” I simply nod my head. He wasn’t good at defining things, so I won’t either. “If I don’t remember, what will you do?” My hands touch his face, his beard is under my palms, and his long lashes flutter with each blink he takes. “I will make you remember me.”

Hayden comes over after school, Liam is downstairs, he said he needed to clear his head. I watch as Hayden smiles at him, Liam stands there watching him, not speaking, just listening. He has disposed of her body and cleaned the mess up. I fell back asleep after we spoke, then called my mother to check on the kids. Hayden is old enough now that he doesn’t have to ask for my permission every time he wants to go somewhere, except he still does. He told me he was coming over. I told him Mr. Black won’t remember him, but he didn’t care—to him, Liam is his Holy Grail. His savior and nothing anyone said could stop him from seeing him, not even me. Liam’s head whips behind, he looks up to me, sensing I’m there. His sunglasses cover his eyes, and I still feel the weight of his eyes on me. “You need to go to your family,” he says once he walks back upstairs. It’s early. I need to go to work sometime today. Preferably on time. “I will.” “I don’t need you here.” “You don’t, but I want to be here for you.” “Do you know much about these drugs?” “Why?” He stands so still, it’s always been odd having a conversation with him. It’s like he doesn’t need to move. “Because I want to go after the people who make such a thing.” “I know it’s a black market drug. All I know is that it suppresses memories, and it needs to be given correctly. It has to be given in doses, to not rid the current memory if it’s given too frequently, it would suppress the current memory. Basically, it's like a top up drug from the original memory suppressor.”

“Your doctor told you this?” “Yes. He said your memory should come back once the drug is out of your system, but it’s not guaranteed because you’ve had it for such an extensive period of time, though.” “Who the fuck makes this shit?” “There have been reports of a local pharmacist that’s been making it for a while now. Though, no one has actually found it. I know Robbie was looking for the pharmacist, but he’s had no luck.” “Robbie?” Oh, that’s right, memory. “He’s a Police Officer.” “You trust him?” “Yes.” “You shouldn’t…” is all he says as he walks away.

Jake is here, he turned up not long after Hayden left. He sees me flinch when he touches me and turns me around to inspect the wound. He tears the bandage off of it. “Who shot you?” he speaks fast. His breathing is becoming heavier on the back of my neck. “I don’t remember, it’s all a blur.” “I shot her,” Liam says walking in, he’s dressed exactly the way I remember him. In a suit with a white shirt and no tie. My heart hammers hard. I’m too slow to stop what happens next. Jake’s gun raises, then so does Liam’s, it’s so fast it’s like a blur. Bullets fire, Jake drops to the floor, Liam stands there with an expressionless face. Nothing unusual. I drop to Jake’s side, help him up, but he shrugs me off. Liam hit his hand, the one that was holding the gun. I can see the blood dripping onto the floor, he tears away a part of his shirt and wraps it around his hand. I click then, at what he had said. My head snaps to Liam. I pick up Jake’s gun and aim it at Liam. “You fucking shot me?” His head cocks to the side. “Rose, his weapon is on, don’t tempt him.” I look down to his hand, his finger is on the trigger, the gun in our direction. “You going to shoot me, Liam Black?” I taunt him and he lowers it. “You were in my way of who I wanted. I injured you to get what I wanted.” I drop the gun and walk to him, then slap him hard across the face and leave.



CHAPTER 20 BLACK I watch as her tight ass walks off. She makes me want to pick her up, throw her over my shoulder and do things to her, bad things. Jake’s in the fridge, a piece of the shirt he tore off wrapped around his hand. He puts the end of the bottle to his mouth and downs it, and drops it in the sink then looks at me and shakes his head. “You know how to piss the best of people off, don’t you?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “That woman…” he points to the door that Red just left out of, “…would never be angry with you. Not in a million years. God, she wasn’t even angry when she found out you were fucking some whore.” “She had no right to be angry with that, but what’s it to you? You fucking her? I saw how defensive you are with her.” That makes him angry, he steps up close to me, right in my face. “I am not fucking her. I made a promise to you, you piece of shit. I held up that promise.” “You love her…” He takes a step back, the truth written across his face. “Do you even know what love is? What do they call you now? Trace?” “Love is just a word, Jake. It’s just a word…” “Yeah, you keeping telling yourself that.” He walks back to the fridge, grabs another drink and downs it straight away. “The boys will be here later, you better play nice.” “Boys?” “Yes, my boys. No guns, Black.” “Is this not my house?” “It is, but most of it is mine.” He’s a cheeky prick, a sneaky smile always on his face. “Oh, I suggest you start by trying to win Rose back. It won’t take much, but you need to apologize. Now, I need you to fuck off so I can fuck.” “Not in my bed.” He flips me off when he walks out the door and stops when his phone lights up. Then he turns to face me again. “Rose needs me to go to hers, I can’t, and you owe me for shooting my motherfucking pimpin’ hand. I mean, do you know how much the bitches love to be spanked with this hand? And you just shoot it with no care in the world.” “Back to me going somewhere, Jake. Enough with the spanking.”

He eyes me now. “You seem... never mind, go to hers, now.”

Her face is anger, it’s getting redder the longer we stand still at her door. I have no idea why I’m here, wishing I’d never listened to Jake, I should’ve just shot him again. “You need to go, I’m too angry at you.” “Jake sent me.” “Fuck,” she says then covers her mouth with her hands looking behind her. A little boy runs up, the same one with the attitude from last time I was here. “I needed him, he knows I have to go to work.” She shakes her head and picks up her phone, walking away from the front door, and I follow her in. She talks fast, then gets flustered and rings someone else. I get the gist of what she’s saying. She needs someone to watch her son because Jake was meant to. She finally turns to me when she hangs up the phone. “You…” I give her a blank stare, “…you shot me. You can babysit, Liam.” “Nope, no kids.” She shakes her head picking up her bag. “Too fucking bad. I need to work, you will watch him. It’s not for long, and he can do most things himself, you just need to feed him.” “I don’t do kids.” She steps right up to my face. “You will do this. You may find you have a lot of things in common, your attitude for one.” Then she walks off, kissing her kid on the way out. He stands there just watching me. “Mister, who are you?” He walks up to me and pulls on my shirt when I don’t answer, his little green eyes stare up at me. “Mister, didn’t you hear me?” “I heard you kid.” “Well, what’s your name?” “Liam.” He smiles brightly. “That’s my name, now tell me yours?” “Black.” He nods his head and walks into the sitting area, grabs the iPad and sits down. He starts to watch adults building toys, then kids doing pranks and he does all this without talking or moving from his spot for a good thirty minutes. I sit there like an idiot, watching everything he does, and wondering how the hell he can watch this shit consistently. “Do you have a daddy?” “Why?” “I want a dad. Jake is kind of my dad, but not.” “Who’s your dad, kid?” He shrugs his shoulders, then flicks the iPad back on. He ends up wanting an apple, I find one buried in the fridge and give it to him. He hands it back asking me to peel it. I find the peeler then once that’s done I give it back to him. He looks at it and gives me a look that basically says I’m an idiot. “You need to cut it, too.” So I cut it, then give it to him. He looks at it, hands it back. “Cut it smaller.” “Kid, eat the apple.”

He shakes his head, no. I sit it down in front of him, he doesn’t touch it, and it starts to go brown. I cut it again and bring it back to him. “It’s brown,” he complains. That’s it, it’s going in the bin. I walk back out, pick him up dropping the iPad to the ground. He squeals from the loss of his iPad. I place him on the kitchen bench. “Tell me what you want to eat? I’m not doing that again.” “Sandwich.” “With?” “Peanut butter.” Once it's done, he shakes his head at me. “Cut it into fours.” I swear to God if this kid could feed himself I would walk out that door. “Your weird, Mister,” he says after he finishes his sandwich. “You don’t talk much.” “Not everything that goes through your head needs to be spoken, kid.” “You don’t even smile.” “What’s there to smile for?” “You don’t even laugh.” “There’s nothing funny to laugh at.” “You’re weird.” “You're weird,” I retort back to him. “My mom says you make her heart pitter patter.” “Does she?” He nods his head, then yawns. We go back to the couch to the stupid iPad. I end up falling asleep watching some stupid Lego thing.



CHAPTER 21 ROSE Liam is crawled on top of Liam, his little body looks so small on his chest. They’re both sleeping exactly the same. Mouth slightly open, a slight snore leaving both. Isabelle walks in not even noticing Liam is here, she stops when she sees him, and I wonder if she recognizes him. She didn’t know him well though she has never taken to anyone as fast as what she did to him. Even with Jake, it took her a bit to warm up to him. “Mom, that man looks so familiar,” she says a bit too loud. Liam opens his green eyes and looks to Isabelle. He blinks a few times when he sees her, unsure. Then looks at me, then down at his chest. Little Liam is snuggled in and not planning to move by the looks of it. My heart jumps, I have to put my hand on my chest to contain it. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted and more. Then he opens his mouth, and it disappears. “He’s impossible,” he says, looking down at him, then back to me “How do I move him?” I step forward, and Isabelle stands there watching not saying a word, which is very unlike her. I bend down to pick him up, Liam’s eyes bore into me. I try to look, to see what he’s seeing—a woman who hasn’t washed her hair in days and I stink. I’ve been running around all day. Not to mention I don’t have a drop of makeup on, and my skin is breaking out. “He looks like you.” His breath is on my face. I don’t look, I can’t look into his eyes. “He looks like you,” I say, once I pick him up. “I was wondering if you were going to tell me?” This time, I look at him. “You know?” “I am not dumb, Rose. I put two and two together. Five years… isn’t he almost five?” I nod my head, he is. “You wouldn’t leave your son with a stranger. You thought since I was the father, I would look after him. I’m going to tell you this now, don’t do that again.” He stands, turns to look at Isabelle, her face is in shock. “Liam,” she says like she somehow remembers him. She runs to him and wraps her arms around him. He stands stock still, she hugs him tightly then let’s go when he doesn’t respond. He doesn’t look to me or to any of us as he walks out the door. “Why did he leave?” Isabelle says. “He’s been gone so long.” “He needs time to think, hunny.” I kiss her head and carry Liam to his room, next to his bed sits a photo of Liam—his father.

I spend the next few days with no contact at all from Liam Black. He hasn’t been to his house, and no one has seen him. He’s ignored all my calls, much like the old him used to do.

I wake one night to a sound in the house, it’s loud. I check the clock and see it’s three a.m. I have a bat next to my bed. I’ve had one there for the last five years, never been able to get rid of it. The nightmares sometimes feel too real. It comforts me knowing I have something. “Fuck!” I hear as I sneak out. Someone is definitely here, and it’s not Jake. He’s gone out of town. I hear them bang into the kitchen bench, a harrumph comes from that direction. I sneak around and see a dark figure, then I swing the bat and knock the person on the back of the head. “Mom,” Hayden screams from behind me flicking on the light. I look down to see Liam on the floor, face down and blood coming from his head. Fuck! Why on earth did he sneak in? To scare the living shit out of me? I still haven’t dropped the bat, and I still haven’t stopped shaking. Hayden runs to the freezer and grabs and icepack and runs back to Liam, who’s asleep on the floor. He jumps when Hayden places the pack to his head. He manages to sit up against the counter, his head hanging down. “I didn’t know it was you,” I say to him. I look to Hayden and he walks back to his room. “Sure, was this payback from the gun?” His hand still holding the pack when he asks the question. I want to say, yes it is, and that he deserves it, but I didn’t mean to. And I feel terrible that I physically hurt him, I’d be the last person that would want to hurt him. “No.” He goes to stand, a bit shaky on his feet as he does. “Why are you here, Liam? Its early, we’re sleeping.” I notice then, he winces, he’s hurt, and not from me and my stupid bat. “What happened?” I ask stepping forward. Lifting his shirt, it takes me a moment to gather what I’m seeing. I stare too long, not having seen him this way in so long. His ribs look bruised, like someone has kicked him there multiple times, his lip is cut and blood drips down to his chin. “Misunderstanding…” is all he says looking down at me while I still hold his shirt up, taking in his bruises, as well as his toned body. “Finished perving?” I drop it then and take a few steps back. “You can’t sneak in this early, you scared me.” He did, it brought back too many memories. Ones I’m now trying to shake off. “I didn’t have anywhere to go. Jake and his men are at mine, the hotel is closed, I could sleep in my car, but I figured you wouldn’t say no to sharing a bed with me?” Cocky son of a bitch. “After all, you are the mother of my son.” His head cocks to one side trying to make me argue with him, he’s proving a point, one I’m not sure I want to be a part of. “You should have slept in your truck,” I say walking away. “The couch is yours.” I manage to make it to my room, and I hear him following, hoping he doesn’t come in. He goes to the bathroom, connected to my room. Then he walks into my room, the lights are off, I can see him from the light of the moon which is shining in through the bedroom window. He’s naked. “What are you doing?” He walks to my bed, doesn’t bother moving the covers. He lies straight on top

of them, then turns to his side. I can’t help it, my eyes search his body, his piercings are all there, his nipples, his cock. Which is standing, and I am staring. “I’m going to sleep.” “Fuck no,” I say jumping from the bed, flicking on the bedside light. “Get dressed, and get on the couch.” He doesn’t acknowledge me, just lies on his back and closes his eyes. Bastard. “Liam Black, I have kids here. Those kids come into my room in the morning. You need to cover your junk right this minute before I cut it off.” “You wouldn’t.” “Oh, I would. Don’t tempt me.” He grabs the sheet and covers his lower half. If the sheet moved mere inches, everything would be on display. I crawl back into bed, he is inches away from me. I can tell he’s awake, and I don’t think I will be getting any sleep what-so-ever with him inches away from me. “Will you tell me? Tell me how your life’s been for the last five years?” I ask, hoping he can spread some light on what’s been happening around him. “I woke in an empty room, I didn’t recognize anybody. There was a woman there, she was holding my hand and telling me everything would be okay. That was the first time I woke. Then she told me who she was, she said she was my girlfriend, and that she had missed me. I didn’t believe her, I didn’t even know my own name, let alone who she was.” “The same woman?” I ask, referring to the crazy brunette. He nods his head. “A few months in, I still didn’t believe. Savannah tried reassuring me every day, filling my head with lies, telling me how much she loved me, how much the club loved me. One day I had a job to do for the club. I was their hit man. I found it hard to believe as well until they put a gun in my hand, and I knew, like instantly it was mine, and that what they were saying was true. So I did this job, except this job had cracks, cracks where I was the hit. I knew it, I had my suspicions. They wanted to test my loyalty. Four members of a rival club had caught me before I realized it was a setup. I never get set up now, I am that good. I make so much money for that club that when they lose me, they will lose all the benefits that come with me.” “They knew you then?” They had to have known. To know what he did, to get him to do what he used to do. “They must have. Anyway… this club kept me in a bathroom for days, tied me to the shower rods and tortured me. I didn’t once say anything, and it annoyed them. On the last day, one guy came in with a small pocket knife, and he reopened my scar from the gunshot wound to my back. He then untied me, dropped me to the floor and walked out. He made a mistake.” “Don’t tell me.” “You wanted to know, this is part of it… he didn’t know me, didn’t know what I was capable of. He thought I was too tired, too worn out to move. I stood, my feet were just able to hold me up. One of the days of the torture, I had a careless man. He tucked his gun into his boots, boots that were inches from me, I grabbed it and had been hiding it in the cabinet ever since. So I retrieved the gun and opened the door. Five men stood there, they heard the door open, they didn’t get a chance to do anything. I shot every one of them, then I collapsed on the floor. That’s when she found me again, bleeding out.” “She was your savior?” “No, she was the queen in a game of chess. One who fucked with the wrong person.”

“What did you do next?” “I healed. The club trusted me. I killed for them, but I never fully trusted them. Always there was something eating away at me. Then there was you. I didn’t know who you were, but there were times when I was out with her. I would see a blonde with a kid, and I would stare. She’d notice this and pull me from it. But I always looked, and I always looked for those eyes.” He looks at me for the first time, his green eyes staring into my blue ones. “My eyes?” “That’s the reason I fucked her, let her around me, and believed her. It was her eyes, the blue in them, the crystal blue.” “She loved you?” “She said she did.” “She did.” He’s not someone you fuck once and not want again. You come back, again, again and again.



CHAPTER 22 BLACK I wake with a body draped over me, it’s a small body, but the heat it produces is crazy hot. Liam is lying on my chest, the sheet still firmly over me thankfully. Rose is awake, and watching us. “He sneaks into my bed early in the morning,” she explains, looking back to him, then to me. My ribs hurt, the pressure he puts on them makes the pain worse when I breathe. “Tell me what happened last night,” she asks. “Move him first.” “No, after you tell me.” “I met up with a friend, that friend wasn’t impressed about Savannah.” That’s putting it mildly. Grover still doesn’t know, and it will stay that way till I’m ready. Kane came to my house last night, the one Jake was at. I didn’t think Kane would be a threat, then he saw her body. He found it where I hid it, and I was a minute to slow for him. He kicked me to the ground, then kicked me in the face. Jake pulled him off, but Kane produced a gun. His jaw was clenched, his teeth bared. His eyes kept on falling on Savannah’s, then to me. I had to shoot him… had to kill him. He needed to die. “You!” he basically spat at me. I didn't understand what he was talking about until I saw her body, it was locked away, hidden until I could rid it. He grabbed me when I wasn’t looking, his hand pulling my collar, kicking my knees out from under me. His boots started to assault me, I could feel the bruises straight away, knew it was going to leave a mark, then he was pulled off, his kicking still frantic. He swiveled in Jake’s grip, moved fast and produced a gun. It was aimed at me, his teeth were bared, he was furious, the woman he loved but never had, was dead, and he knew exactly who did it. Jake reached for his gun tucked away in his pants, he was too slow, though, because just as Kane turns, his eyes not trained on me, my gun is produced, shooting him dead between the eyes. “Oh God,” she says, knowing exactly what I’m talking about. She stands and I notice the shirt she’s wearing. It isn’t hers, it’s a long and white-buttoned shirt. She looks sexy as fuck in it. “Turn around,” I say. She’s just about to pick him up and gives me an odd look and turns. “Now bend over.” Her head swivels back to me. “Not happening.” She turns and picks the kid up from my chest, and a weight is lifted, and it’s easier to breathe. I manage to stand after she leaves with Liam, the pain no worse than it was last night. “I love your ass.” Rose’s voice comes from behind me. I turn to face her, her eyes now taking me in all. “I think it’s unfair for one to look and not the other,” I say reaching for a button on her shirt, she shakes her head and steps back.

“Do you love me, Liam Black?” “What’s love, Rose?” “I’ve had this conversation with you before.” She smirks walking past me. Shutting the conversation off as she steps into the bathroom. The kids are all at the table when I walk out, also with them is Jake. He looks at me and smirks and turns his head back to what Liam’s saying. Isabelle pulls a seat out for me to sit in and I watch this already made family talk and laugh around the table. I watch as Liam tells Jake about how he picked a bug up from outside and now it’s not moving in his container in his room. I watch as Hayden talks to Isabelle and they smile at some small talk about school. It’s all too much, it’s like I’m an intruder. Too much of this is on my face right now. I have to extract myself. The chair almost falls backward and instantly heads all turn to me when I stand. I walk to the door and open it and stop automatically when a man stands there dressed in a police uniform. He paled, raising a hand to cover his mouth when he sees me. He looks behind me, then back to me. “They couldn’t keep you down, could they?” I don’t like him. “Five years and you decide to come back now?” he asks with a smile. “Robbie,” Rose says walking up behind me, my body is blocking her from getting to him. She places a soft hand on my hip, in an attempt to move me, but it doesn’t work. I stay where I am, his mouth curls up into a huge smile of happiness when he sees her. Then disappears into a sour frown when he sees her hand. “I came by to drop the kids off on my way to work. You have that big meeting today,” he says, not looking at me. Fake. “Oh my God, you’re a life saver. I’m late as it is.” She pushes me out of the way, then leans forward and wraps her hands around his neck hugging him tight. He looks at me the whole time he does, then closes his eyes and hugs her tightly. Death. “Hey man,” Jake says when Rose lets go. Friends are what they are. I lied to her last night, I could have easily stayed at my house. I didn’t, I wanted her, I wanted to be around her. She pulls me in, without even knowing.

I went back to my house, it’s empty, quiet. I like it, but I miss her. Miss—what a foreign word for me. Miss? I don’t miss anyone, let alone want anyone. I am a father, another word that should never ever leave my mouth. I don’t do kids. Kids and me in the same sentence equal disaster. She seems to think otherwise. How do you love someone, when you don’t know how? How do you leave someone, when you can’t? I should leave, she’s been through enough. Her eyes tell me so, her heart tells me so. But I’m addicted from a small taste, wildly addicted, and I want more—more of her, all of her. I’m not even there one hour when he comes knocking on the door, I knew he would.

“You won’t tell her,” is all he says, his hand on a gun. “I won’t?” I question him and he laughs. “You don’t have a hold of her anymore, Black. She won’t believe you anyway.” “She won’t?” I toy with him again. He takes a step further into my house. “You won’t like what will happen if you do.” I smile at him, his eyes twitch. “She may love you, but she’s learned to live without you, Black.” “Has she? Or has she just been surviving?” “You won’t like the outcome, Black,” he says as he turns to leave.



CHAPTER 23 ROSE My mother has taken the kids, she knows I want to spend as much time as possible with him. I want him to remember, remember me. The things we’ve been through, the life-shattering moments that have happened between us. He needs to remember. I can’t remember it all by myself, someone else needs this burden that I carry. He’s in the same position he was in the first time I walked into his house all those years ago. He’s at the stove, and the only thing he has on is a towel wrapped around his waist. “Rose,” he says, and it makes me smile. My name coming from those lips. “Liam,” I retort back to him. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” He turns so he’s facing me, his back up against the kitchen bench. “Just wanted to stop by, you ran out fast this morning.” “I’m glad you did.” He descends on me, it’s like a tiger eyeing his prey. Am I ready for what he can give me? His hand wraps around my wrist, I look down to his large hand, thinking about what damage those hands do. His ribs are purple with color, his lip has a slight cut to it. All the bad he carries, and I still want him. When I know I shouldn’t. “Stay,” he says, his breath near my ear. I nod my head, unable to form any words. His free hand touches my chin, lifting it up and he slowly moves to my lips. He feather kisses me in each corner of my lips, then the center. He lets go while he kisses me, moving his hands to the back of my dress. I hear him unzip it. I freeze, he hasn’t seen this body, this broken and scared body and he notices. “Don’t be afraid, you’ll like what I do,” he says against my lips. I have no doubt I would like everything he does, but will he still like me when he sees? My dress drops to the ground, I’m left in a red bra and panties. He smirks and whispers, “Red.” His name for me when he didn’t know. My stomach is now exposed, my stretch marks now on display, as well as the scar, a scar from a night of horror. He runs his fingertips across my scars, then drops the sides of my bra. I unhook it with shaky hands—I’m afraid. He stops moving when he sees, his eyes zooming in on my breast. My nipples completely scarred, from a man who’s now in hell. His face is anger, and I stop breathing, then he picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. I grip onto him, I never want him to let me go… never. I feel the silk of his sheets when he lays me down. He removes his towel, unafraid of his body, then he looks down at me and smirks. I hear my heart pitter patter harder. Little things he does make my heart beat hard. “I don’t deserve you,” he says with a dull voice. “But I’m taking you.” He leans forward grabs my legs and pulls them apart harshly, spreading me. He reaches up and rips my panties off exposing me to

him. He kisses up my thigh, slow, soft kisses then his mouth teases my entrance, then licks his way up to a place that hasn’t been touched in years. I shiver, my body breaking out in goosebumps. Torture, that’s what he does, torture me. He gets me shaky, then his mouth moves down, away from that spot that makes you scream. His tongue drags itself, down, then back up. My hands are clinging to the pillow behind my head, my legs are shaking. He does this, on repeat. Until I come, and I can’t handle it anymore and I close my legs. Forcing him up, he lifts up on his hands, his head now in viewing pleasure. He smirks when he sees me, and that’s it. I don’t care what I look like, I don’t care that I’m so scared that I still have nightmares of that night. He doesn’t see it, all he sees is me. And only me, and right now, he’s all I see. His body covers mine, he kisses my broken body. The one with the scars. He kisses my nipples so tenderly that I push his head down more to be rougher, he isn’t a soft man, and I don’t need him to be. I feel him then, inches away from where I need him. I push forward, he pushes backward teasing me. One touch, then it’s gone. The need is so great, I can’t take the pressure anymore. I push his shoulders backward, forcing him to the side of the bed so he’s on my side, then climbing on top of him. He looks surprised, I am too. Except in this moment, I don’t care. “You want control?” he asks, grabbing my hips as I sit on him, his cock inches away. I don’t answer, instead grabbing him with one hand, positioning myself, then I lower. His eyes close for a second, then they’re straight back to me. The world fades, it does this when I’m with him. I don’t understand it. He makes everything disappear. All I see is him, all I’ve ever seen is him. Why must I be so vulnerable to him? Why must I need him with a vengeance? Something I will never understand. He grabs me roughly, flipping me. I’m seconds away, I can feel it, but he isn’t. He doesn’t want to stop. He grabs my legs, pulling them straight up into the air. His green eyes on me, he fucks me hard, he takes no prisoners. I come, then he fucks me even harder. I can’t move, it’s impossible. It’s been so long since I’ve had that. Had the need of him filled to an extent that it’s non-existent? “Liam,” I say as he lies next to me on his bed, one I haven’t been in many times. I always slept on the floor, or in the spare room. It's odd. I turn my head to face him, he’s staring at the ceiling. “Yes, Rose.” “Don’t leave me again.” He turns now so he’s looking at me. His face hard in thought. “You may wish I do leave.” I shake my head, no, not possible. “Did I love you, Rose?” This time, it’s my turn to turn my head away. What a question. “You didn’t know what love was, though…” I don’t finish the sentence. He sits up and looks down at me. “You loved me, of that I am sure.” “How could I love you, if I didn’t understand it?” “Do you understand it now?” “Love is the word to make people feel better. People throw the word around, they don’t get it. I don’t understand it.” “I understand it,” I say. I do, I thoroughly understand it. I’ve had my heart torn and broken. He did that.

I’ve had it healed, just slightly, enough to live, through my children. “I’m bad, I don’t have the good, the bad and the ugly attributes—I am plain and simply, bad. You want your children around that?” His child, he didn’t say that. I want to point that out. I sit up, grab my clothes and start getting dressed. “I know what you are doing. Stop it.” He cocks his head to the side as he watches me. “Please enlighten me.” “I know you, Liam Black.” My face is in his face, I can feel his breath on my lips. “I know how you act, how you see things. You’re not bad. Well, actually, you are. Just not to those you love. You have no problem taking a life, especially if someone pays you. You do that because that’s all you know, but do you want to know something? I’m also all you know, I’m the person that will bring you back, the person that will be there, even when you torture someone because they hurt me. I am that person. So don’t you ask if I want you around our children. You would kill someone, no one could stop you if someone had hurt our children. You’re ruthless, but under all that, there’s something that nobody else has, and you have it. And fuck, some people are only lucky to see it.” “Do you see me, Rose?” “I see you, Liam Black. Do you see me?” “I fucking see you like a freight train, and it’s going to fucking hurt, isn’t it?” “It is, Liam. The best hurt you have had in a long time.”



CHAPTER 24 BLACK Time. It’s a fickle thing isn’t it? People either want it to go fast or people want to slow it down. I want to pause it. I know what’s to come. I know I have to do it. But at this moment, with her, I want it to pause and never move. Her head turns to face me, she places her phone on the bench, smiles softly, her beautiful pink lips are plump. I want them. “I’m leaving today…” Un-pause, and her smiles drops. “I have to go back.” “You don’t.” Her head shakes, she’s telling me no. She doesn’t want me to leave. I have to. Things have to be done, and only I can do them. Payback. “Why?” “They stole my life. I’m going to steal theirs.” “Don’t go, Liam. Please don’t go, I will beg you.” “You can’t change my mind, I have to.” “I’m leaving, if you decide to not go on your witch hunt, you know where to find me.” I watch as she collects her things, and she rushes to the door. “Rose.” She turns back to look at me. “Don’t trust, Robbie.” She shakes her head at me. “You don’t get to tell me what to do, Liam Black. Remember that.” Then she slams the door as she leaves. Leaving me in a house that holds so many memories. The closet in my room is full of black clothing and white undershirts. They fit perfectly like no time has passed. She thinks I could be good, or am good. I am not, and she’s about to find out just how bad I really am.

The compound is quiet, I notice their bikes. I know they’re here. Do they know I am here? I’m

guessing so. They would have seen the guns in my hands, and they’d be arming themselves right now. And I know exactly where. I make my way to the cellar door, it’s the armory. It’s hidden, so when the police raid this place it’s impossible for them to find. So far it’s worked, except I know exactly where it is, and tonight, they’ll wish they never betrayed me. Stark is the first person I see, his head comes out of the hole from the ground. He sees me straight away, I’m standing directly in front of it. His hands fumble on the ladder as he’s trying to reach for his gun. “You made a bad choice,” he sneers at me. I watch as he pulls the gun up, the shot fires straight past me, another doing exactly the same. Aiming isn’t his specialty. It’s mine, however. So when he sees me bring mine up, he lets go of the ladder, a second too late as I take my shot. I hear the sound of the men below. I hear them scatter to the ladder. All trying to reach it at the same time, most of the members are down there. I look over, down the hole. I notice Braks, the man I tortured. His eyes go wide, they didn’t think I would find them. “Black,” he yells out as I step away, ready to deliver them to hell. “He’ll kill her, and your kids.” I don’t think then, blackness takes over my vision. It goes completely silent. I don’t hear their screams, I don’t hear their cries. I don’t think as I drop the match into the pit, into the pit that I just poured gasoline down, and the lid that I close to make them all burn. I don’t think as I walk to where I need to be, where I need to go. I come back slightly, Grover stands in front of me. A gun in his hand pointed at my head. I’m sitting on what used to be known as my bed. My hands stink, I can smell the gasoline that’s soaked into them. “Black,” he says stepping in closer. His steps are cautious. “Tell me, Grover?” “You want to know why?” I nod my head. The haze lifting more. “Gray, he didn’t use you to your full potential. I saw it, I wanted it. I saw the perfect opportunity, I am a businessman, after all, Black.” His gun is now lowered. “He wasted your talent. You could’ve been the biggest asset he’s ever had, but he wasted you. Played with you, it was his thing. Everyone seemed to know but you and Jake. He killed your mother, just to get to you. He wanted someone that could rely on him, and him alone. He knew that your stepfather beat you. Fuck! He even paid him to. So that’s when he killed him for you so you would rely solely on him. A debt to him.” He shakes his head, and it makes me angry. “You knew all of this?” My fists scrunch at my sides, waiting and wanting to inflict pain. He nods his head. “I also knew that you were just as smart, perhaps even smarter. Every card you left after a killing was linked back to him, your punishment to him. You made that police officer know his father was a good for nothing asshole.” “Officer?” “Yes, the one that’s probably sitting on your girl’s couch now, drinking her coffee. The same one that tried to win her heart.” He chuckles and it’s an evil sound. “He was the one that when she dismissed him, for you, told him exactly where she was. Hence, the reason for your memory loss.” “Who did he tell?” “He told, Ru.” That’s a part I didn’t know. I knew about Robbie, I found out his link. No one knows,

Jake doesn’t know that he has a brother. They don’t know that I remember everything. EVERYTHING! I have since the day I woke up after killing Savannah. I’ve remembered everything. I also remember who Grover is. I know his affiliation with Gray. They were rival clubs, on stable terms thanks to Gray supplying the guns. He wanted what he had, so he took it. He outsmarted them, without them even knowing they were being outsmarted. “You remember, don’t you?” “I do.” “We protected you, Black.” “You used me, Grover.” He nods his head. “You were my best asset, did you know that?” “I am no one’s asset, Grover.” I stand, and he takes a step back and Boozer steps in, pushing Grover out of the way, protecting his Pres. “It didn’t have to come to this,” Grover says as he walks completely out. “It did, tell Savannah I said hi when you visit her, Grover.” Boozer blocks my shot, my bullet landing in his leg. Grover is gone, Boozer has another gun in his shorts, one I didn’t see. He dropped the one he was holding when I shot him, his shot rings in my ears and takes over my senses. I touch my ear, it’s bleeding. He smiles through clenched teeth. He shoots again, this time I see it, and move away from it. I make it to him before he can fire another, knocking the gun from his hand where he lays on the floor. He goes to speak, his first word getting cut off as I fire a bullet straight into his throat. His hands reach for his neck as he starts choking. His eyes glaze, then he drops. The dead are so peaceful. No worries. Just death. Black.



CHAPTER 25 ROSE He doesn’t listen, will he ever? I don’t even grab the bat when I walk out. I know it’s him, he grunts every time he knocks something or kicks a toy with his foot. I can see him from where I stand, his hand is holding his ear. He’s ruffling through my cupboard dressed in all black. He swears when he can’t find what he’s looking for, hushed under his breath. “Liam…” His head swings to my voice, he can’t see me, the darkness of the hallway is blocking his vision. “What are you doing here?” He steps toward me, two steps and he’s another two steps away, which he doesn’t take. “I can’t help it.” “Help what, Liam.” “I can’t seem to stay away.” “You can’t keep on doing this. You can’t do this to us.” “I don’t want to, but I can’t seem to stay away,” he repeats. “I don’t want you to stay away, I want you to stop what I know you’re doing. It will ruin us.” He nods his head in agreement but I know he’s lying. I know he's doing it to please me, and right now I am too tired to fight him and too tired to care. “Come to bed.” He reaches behind him and grabs a towel, places it on his ear and walks to me. I stand where I am waiting for him to reach me. He takes my hand in his, and I melt just that little bit more. “Rose.” “Yeah.” “I love you.” Stop. Everything just stops. He squeezes my hand as I stare at him, unblinking, with my heart racing. “You remember?” “I do.” “You left me.” A sob screams free from my chest, it hurts, it all hurts. He knows me, and he loves me. His hand touches my cheek. I can smell gas on them, I don’t care, I don’t want to know. “Never, I just had to find you again.” “I had your baby.” “You did.” “He’s just like you.” “That would be scary. No one should be like me.”

My hand reaches out and grabs his shirt tightly, I clench it between my fingers. “I’m allowed to touch you?” He nods his head, I sneak my hands under his shirt and place them on his heart. He moves in closer to me, his head leaning down on my head where he kisses me. “Where do we go from here?” I ask him. I don’t want to assume, I want him to choose. “Wherever you are.” And that’s all it takes.

The days that followed were a mixture of highs and lows. I assumed having him back would make things right, I was wrong. He’s changed, I’ve changed, and the family has changed. When it’s just him and me, I see him. When it’s everyone, I lose him. He goes back to that black box he shuts himself inside. And I wonder if I am enough to pull him from it. I don’t think I am, then I see the way he looks at me. The way his green eyes sparkle when he stares just at me. It gives me hope that he’s still all in there. Isabelle is currently talking to him, he’s looking at her, but paying no attention. He’s like this. I watch from a distance hoping something will come back, that he could possibly be the same. I just have to face facts that he isn’t. “Liam.” He doesn’t acknowledge me, he doesn't hear anything. I repeat his name. He turns so he looks at me, and Isabelle goes back to watching the television. Jake walks in while Liam sits there and stares at me. He doesn’t move, just sits. Jake looks from him to me, then pulls me into the kitchen. He leans casually against the bench, his hands cling to the edge of it. “What’s wrong?” I shake my head, I don’t know, I really don’t know. In the bedroom, when it’s just him and me, it’s him. Around others, he’s someone I don’t know. “Is he closing off?” I was looking at the ground, my head snaps to him, I can feel the tears wanting to release. I manage a nod. “He isn’t like you and me, Rose, he’s something entirely different. He’s been trying, Black would never try. He always tries with you, and you know that.” “I know.” I do, I know who he is. I know this isn’t him. A family life isn’t him. “Has he been working?” “No, he stays here.” “Why?” “Because I asked him to, I don’t want that life for the kids.” “What about him?” “I don’t want it for him either.” “Do you think you can choose that for him?” “No.” “So why are you?” “Because he’s mine, and I am his. That’s the way it is, that’s the way it’s always been. He knows this.”

“It isn’t him, don’t force him to do something he’s not. He’s only doing it because he loves you, and he wants to make you happy. Though it’s killing him, you’re taking away his life. It’s all he knows, but you're taking it.” How dare he? “I am not taking anything. Don’t you say that!” The verge of tears has left, and in its place is anger. He puts his hands up in surrender. “I’m not saying these things to hurt you, it’s just who he is.” “It’s not, he wanted it before.” He takes a step closer to me. “He isn’t the same as before.” I know this. I just don’t want to believe it. “I have to go,” he says looking out to Liam. He stops on his walk out and leans down whispering in his ear. Liam turns back to look at me, pinning me with his stare, not blinking. Jake stands and slaps him on the back as he walks out, smiling at me. I watch as he stands and walks over to me. Standing directly in front of me, he looks down at me. His body language is that of a stranger like he doesn’t know me. There’s no warm gestures, no inkling for me to offer any advances. “I need…” he looks behind, his eyes going to where the kids are then back to me, “…I need alone time. You and me.” “Okay.” “I have to go, be ready later.” I nod my head, and he leans in kissing me on the lips, no tongue, just a soft kiss. I take it, breathe him in, and love every second of it. His lips leave mine, his forehead stays on mine and his beard tickles my chin. None of it matters, all that matters is we try. It has to work. I don’t see him for the rest of the day, but I hear him when he pulls up, the rev of his engine indicates it’s him. Sax and Casey are having the kids, so I’m free to do what he wants. I peer out the window, just watching what he does. He sits in his truck longer than necessary, his hands on the wheel, sunglasses covering his face. He looks up and sees me while sitting a little longer just staring, as I watch him, unsure of what’s happening. He doesn’t knock when he comes to my door, I haven’t moved from the spot by the window looking out at him. I hear his boots as he walks up behind me. His hand reaches out and touches my shoulder. “We should go.” “Okay.” He grabs my bag that’s by the door and throws it into the back, I climb in wondering what we’re doing—where we’re going. He drives for a long while, I sneak glances at him every chance I get. He doesn’t move his eyes from the road or speak as he drives. We finally come to a stop and I’m half asleep. It’s a dam, an enormous dam. I can see camper trailers out further away, with boats and jet skis. I look to him, then back to the dam. “Why are we here?” His hands lift from the steering wheel, he removes his glasses to look at me. “I came here a lot. I never understood why back then. I think it had significance to you.” “What do you mean?” “The water, it reminded me of you. I could see you a bit clearer when I couldn’t see you at all out here. I know it’s not the other place, I never intend to take you back there, but this place… it reminds me

of you and it helps me remember you.” “I fell in love with you within the water. I lost you in the water. Lakes, dams like this, they scare me now. I searched for you, for hours in one of those, so did Jake.” “He told me.” “Why would you think I would want to come back to one?” “Because I do, Rose, I want to come to one.” “It hurts me.” “Every day living hurts me. It hurts me that you know that I can’t do this. It hurts that I know I can’t.” My mouth drops open. What’s he saying? “You don’t love me?” He opens his door, walks around and opens mine. He pulls me so my legs hang out and he stands directly between them, his hands on my hips. “I do. Sometimes, it’s not enough, though.” “What are you saying, Liam.” He pulls me so I’m close to him, and he touches my lips with his fingers. “I’m saying, let’s have tonight.” “Only tonight?” I shake my head, I can’t do that. He stills my head by placing both hands on either side. “I can only guarantee tonight.” I don’t know what to say to that, or how to feel. He steps away, giving me some space. I hear him ruffling in the back but I sit in the same spot trying to gather my thoughts, trying to understand what he’s saying. Why he is saying these things? Then it clicks, I know why. I jump from the truck and run to the back, he’s lifting an Esky off and making a bed, he stops when he sees me and the look on my face. “You don’t want to stop. You can’t stop.” “I can’t.” “You can, you just haven’t tried.” “It’s who I am, it’s what I do. I am not a man who could work a nine to five job, Rose, then come home and play the family man. It’s not me. Don’t try to make me that.” “What happens after tonight, Black?” His eyes go wide at the use of that name coming from my lips. He knows I’m angry. “You want to fuck me like I’m some hooker? Have your fill of me? Get your closure?” His strides are determined, so are mine as I back away from him. He stops when he sees me doing so. His face is mixed with anger and sadness, so unusual to see on him. “Yes, I want my fill of you. I am selfish, and I want it. But I want you happy even more. I can’t change yet, it’s not who I am. I will not hold you hostage to me while I wait to see if it’s something I can do. You don’t deserve that after what you’ve been through. So tonight I’m being selfish. I am going to take you, I am going to have my fill. Though don’t think for a second I will get closure or that I would ever think of you like a hooker. I fucking love you, Rose Miller, I just can’t love all of you if I am miserable.” “You would think to be with the person you love would make you anything but miserable.” HHHe shakes his head at me. “I’ve been trying, the last few days I have been trying. I am not going to drag this out. What good would that do for anyone?”

He’s right, if it’s not what he wants, I can’t force him. Even though it’s not fair, I just got him back, now I have to lose him again. Life isn’t fair.



CHAPTER 26 BLACK She sits in the same spot, her face has a beautiful shine from the reflection of the dam. She needed time, she wanted to think. I let her. Sitting in the same spot watching her over the last few hours. Unmoving, observing as her body shakes with tears, then calms down. She doesn’t want me to interfere in her space, so I won’t. It’s hard, it’s so bloody hard. I watch as she stands, looks out to the water then her eyes track back to me. I take her in, she’s beautiful. If I knew every word to describe beautiful, I would use it on her. She’s insecure about her body. A body that does things to me and my body has never had that same reaction with any other woman. Her smile does things to this thing in my chest people call a heart. I don’t understand any of it. I hardly understand her. “Tonight?” “Tonight,” I agree. She nods her head and walks the distance to me. Jake told me I had to choose, that I couldn’t keep on doing this. I knew I couldn’t, I just didn’t want to admit it. Because the darkness, the light, it all wants her. Except, how do you want someone so badly when you know it’s wrong. That you will only disappoint them and cause them pain when you never wanted to. “I have to ask…” Her fingers start interlocking and playing with each other. “You can ask me anything, Rose.” “Do you plan to see him?” “Little Liam?” She nods her head. “I want to see you all, I just need to get things sorted. I don’t want to lose you, but I’m willing to if that’s what it takes.” “I need you to kiss me now to shut me up.” I oblige, why wouldn’t I? Her lips are like a deadly sin, ones that beckon me to her. I always want them on me, anytime I can get them. I can’t help myself, I pull her body to me, grabbing her face between my hands, and her eyes go wide while I watch her with interest. She lets one leg down, one-half of her body becomes shorter than the other. Her lips part for me, she knows what I want, and I lean in, her breath hot against mine. Our lips touch, and in that touch, five years disappear like they never existed, except they did. Her tongue meets mine. She tastes like mint, I taste like mint. I hear the clank of her heels as she drops them, her hands come to my waist, my hands stay on her face. I flinch when she touches me there, remembering why I didn’t like to be touched, but I can’t deny her the simple pleasure when I have let others do so. She squeezes her eyes shut, she’s trying to block her emotions, attempting to shut them down. She doesn’t want to feel the pain, but she needs to. It’s life. “Did you live?” I ask against her lips. She keeps them slightly open, her hands on me, her breathing hard.

“I survived…” is all she answers then her lips are back on mine. The dam we’re at is different from the lake. It has no high hills, no black hole down the bottom. It’s just green water, where you can step straight into. People are camping, fishing, but we’re in a quiet spot with no one around us so it’s just us. I don’t feel guilty about what I’m about to do next. Her legs wrap on instinct, and I carry her to the edge of the trailer. I was laying down a blanket earlier so when her ass hits the edge it’s soft. She keeps me in the same position against her, and right now I wonder if what I’m doing is right. I wonder if I can be who she wants me to be. Could I? Possibly, one day maybe. Just not now. I have those demons that need to be shut off, I have retribution to deliver. He will not be allowed to walk away like nothing happened. It's not the way I am, it would burn into my soul that someone could do something so sinister and be allowed to live. He isn’t allowed to. “Can we, out here?” she says looking around. “We can and we will.” Her hand slips into mine, our fingers interlocking with each other. She sits back and looks at me, her other hand comes up and traces my face, through my beard until she runs her fingers over my lips. “I’m going to embed myself on you,” she says, her free hand starts running down further, to the bottom of my shirt, her hand is cold when she sneaks it up, letting my hand go free and lifting the shirt. I do the rest and throw it from my head. She sits back, looking at me, but not my eyes. “Embed?” I ask. She nods her head yes. “Embedded,” she confirms. I don’t let her speak any longer, it’s not necessary. No more words can be spoken, only pain could come from words that need to be said. Pain I don’t want to inflict on her, pain that I know will happen once we go our separate ways. Her hands skim my back, up and down, my lips on her collarbone, her lips on mine. Lips everywhere, hands everywhere. We can’t stop, not once we start. It’s impossible to. I want all of her, and she wants all of me. She pulls her shirt free, lifting it from her head and comes straight back to me. Gives my body what it wants, her lips on me any way possible. She starts to get impatient, her body grinds on mine, her front causing friction in all the right places. She undoes my belt, pulling it free. She goes to drop it, but I take and place it behind her. Her eyes go wide, and she softly smiles. She pushes back from me, stands up on the back of the truck, she’s only in a pair of shorts, naked from the waist up. I take her in, and my face becomes tight, I don’t want the distance between us, I want it back, I go to move forward but she stops me with a shake of her index finger. “Be a good boy.” She puts her hands in the waistband of her shorts, flicks them so they snap back to her skin. Her shorts aren’t super short, but they are tight and showcase her curves, her very sexy as hell curves. “Rose,” I say, being impatient. Her breasts rise with each breath she takes, she isn’t hiding them from me. She knows they don’t bother me, I would never be bothered by them. They are, after all, my fault. If I didn’t take her that night, pursued her, she wouldn’t have the scars. So I treasure them, and her. She drops them, revealing a soft pink G-string. I can’t take it anymore, I am up on that truck in a matter

of seconds, grabbing her and slamming her back against the back window, her head drops backward, her long hair cascading over the roof of the truck, her legs secured around my waist. My pants come off in a matter of seconds, her G-string ripped off in the next second. Then she’s mine in that same amount of time, her arms are out to either side of her, her mouth opens in pleasure. I look down at her, she looks like an angel. But in ecstasy of the devil. Her ass hits the glass window with each thrust, my finger rubs her clit, the other hand on her tit. Her hands scrunch up together, she’s in undeniable pleasure. I don’t want her there yet, I haven’t had my fill. I need her and want her all night long, no matter the cost, no matter the energy. She screams my name twice, her eyes squeezing shut, coming down. My head lands between her breasts, the moon shines bright, I don’t even notice it’s gone completely dark, all I see is her. I pull away, letting her come down, she doesn’t move, her legs stay the way they are, open. I’m getting hard again after fucking her hard. It can’t be possible. I pick her up, my hands going under her ass. She lifts just barely to wrap her arms around my neck, as she collapses on me. Not a care in the world, I place her down on the bed I made in the back. She lies there looking up at the sky, not looking at me. Her naked body, beautiful and all mine. A tear falls down her cheek, she doesn’t want me to notice but it’s hard not to.



CHAPTER 27 ROSE How can you love someone so much and let them go? Is it possible to not shatter on the inside? To not self-destruct? I’m trying to work this out, but nothing is coming to mind. He’s looking at the sky, my body tired, and sore. He tied me to the truck, my hands were pulled above my head. I couldn’t do anything. He had all the power. I let him have all the power like I let him have anything of me he asks for or doesn’t ask for. Even, my heart. A part of me wishes I could ask for it back—I want my heart back. I want to not feel broken inside. I want to feel me. I can’t, all I feel is for him. He steals my thoughts. He steals my heart. He stole my soul. He fucked me twice, there was no love involved, it was purely sexual. Though now when his hands skim over every part of me, I know it’s all love, it’s him trying to show me in ways he can’t explain to me. The sun is rising, I awoke to his hands drawing on my back, tickling me. Now they’re on my sides, rubbing so tenderly, up and down as he slides in and out of me. We didn’t get much sleep, we hardly spoke, unless it was in cries of pleasure. Now our time is almost up, and it’s time to say goodbye. Till when? Well, that I don’t know. But I really want to. I bite his lip, his hands gliding to my ass, pushing me to the brink and even further, deeper, harder, softer. All at once, his lips have touched every part of my body, loved every part of me. I watch him with interest as he does it. His eyes close with each kiss. Sometimes I hear him breathing harder, smelling me. He picks me up, and I straddle his lap. His eyes, heaven and hell. “What am I meant to do without you?” I ask him. He lays his head on my shoulder, not knowing how to answer me. “Live Rose, just live. Without the dilemma that comes with loving me,” he speaks, his lips pressed to me, not lifting his head. “What do you mean?” He stays where he is, me on his lap, his cock still inside of me, and his head on my shoulder. “I damage people, I damaged you.” I pull back, making his head snap up. “You damaged me?” He nods his head. I cover my breasts. He didn’t complain or look at them like they were damaged. He watches me and pulls my hands free and shakes his head. “Your body is perfect. I’m talking about damaging you mentally, Rose. I have damaged you, made you believe in only loving me, and that you can only have me. You can have more, so much more.”

“You did no such thing! You can’t make someone fall in love, Liam. It’s nature, it’s who we’re pulled to. It’s who our heart wants. I am not damaged for loving you. No, if anything, I survived by loving you.” His lips are fast as they land on mine.

We packed up quietly, neither of us speaking again. I had to have time to process what he was saying. He thinks being with me causes me pain, that everything that has happened is his fault. I see it now, it’s not just the work, the life he knows. He’s afraid. Liam Black is afraid. He’s afraid of losing me forever. It’s safer to keep me away. But it doesn’t work like that. I will give him the time he needs, then I want him back. I’ve done this before, I’ve survived without him, and I can do it again. This time better, because I know he’s alive. His shades cover his eyes when he drives, so I don’t know what he’s thinking. You can read him better when looking into his eyes. His face never gives anything away. It’s always stoic. Never moving. He comes to a stop in front of the house, looking at it and not me. I often wonder what goes through his head, I have a need to know what he’s thinking. He’s not good with words. “Are you coming in?” I ask turning to face him. He doesn’t answer or look at me straight away. He sits there, quite still. “Liam?” “No.” “When will I see you next?” He shakes his head at me. Telling me no. “You can’t cut yourself from me, Liam. I won’t let you do that. You can’t do that. You have a child.” “That child has done fine without me, Rose.” He turns then, looks at me for a second and goes back to looking at the house. “You’re his father, and you’re alive. Stop being a selfish prick and grow some fucking balls.” My outburst doesn’t affect him, but it makes me angrier. So when I get out from the car, I slam the door and don’t look back as I enter the house. I know I shouldn’t have, I should have said goodbye, and I should have kissed him one last time. Because when I look out my window, he’s no longer there.

You may find this odd, I find it odd. But in my room, in a drawer in a box, I have Liam’s cards. His play cards, ones that aren’t so much for play, but for destruction. Jake brought them to me after I asked him one day to get them. He didn’t want to, they’re not a keepsake, but they were to me. He always carried them around with him, always one in his pocket. I wanted them, I wanted them close to me. It was something he always had on him, even in his darkest moments, he still carried them around.



CHAPTER 28 BLACK Jake is here, he always seems to be here. Lurking around. I wonder what he’s been doing these last past five years. He’s chugging a beer, watching some trash reality television show when I enter. He doesn’t even look my way but waves his hand in acknowledgment. I kick my shoes off, my boots clunking loudly to the floor. He turns the television off, his attention coming to me. We’ve spoken, briefly, he knows in pieces about where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing. Just not the full story. “Are they your rivals?” He knows what I’m talking about, and he nods his head. “Once he died, I cut them off. They were pissed, but now I think about it, they weren’t pissed to the extent that they should’ve been. Thousands of dollars being taken away from them, I guess you’re the reason why that is?” “He’s in hiding. Sax has been looking for me, he couldn’t find anything.” Jake nods his head in understanding. “I have contacts, deep and bad contacts. Pres handled that, but I have it all now.” “You told her you were clean?” He’s referring to what Rose has said about his club. “That’s the only way she could handle being around us. We do good Black, but we also do a lot of bad… that hasn’t changed.” “How big have you taken it, Jake?” Shipments, guns, drugs. His father was a legend, always under the radar. No one caught him, until me, Jake’s smile is anything but pleasant. “The whole country.” I shake my head at him, he shouldn’t be delving deeper into this, he should be backing out. “Use your contacts, find him!” “I’m leaving, Black.” That takes me by surprise. He can see it on my face, his head shakes back and forth. “It’s not for the best that I stay. They are yours, not my family.” “They know you.” He stands and walks closer to me. “She loves you.” He does love her. I see the pain in his eyes when he said that. “He lied to you.” “Who?” “Your father.” He takes a step back from me, having no idea what I’m talking about. “Robbie, the Police Officer. Does he look familiar to you?” “No.” “He should. You have the same father.” He takes a heavy breath, then turns to the wall and slams his fist straight through it, a large hole left behind and his knuckles are bleeding.

“Tell me you’re lying?” “How do you think Ru knew where we were that night? Why do you reckon your father was never the primary suspect in any of the killings? I set them up to trap him. My plan was flawless, everything linked to him. Except, he had an insider, someone to cover for him, to get rid of evidence.” “He’s in her house, right now.” Jake pulls his cut from my kitchen bench, his shoes in his hands, a gun under his shirt. Then he’s gone. It doesn’t take me long to follow him. He’s off his bike and at her door when I pull up. She smiles when she sees him, but her smile drops when she sees me. “Liam,” she says looking at me, then back to a murderous Jake. “Jake?” He calls the kids, I watch as they listen to his commands and all come straight away, he tells Rose to grab her car keys. She goes to argue but sees the serious look on his face and runs in and is out in seconds. Jake doesn’t speak, just waves them to their car. “Liam, what’s happening?” I haven’t seen her for a day—one day and she’s even more beautiful. The kids look to me for answers as well, answers I can’t give them. “Leave, now.” She doesn’t question me, they’re pulling out in the car as soon as Jake removes his weapon. Robbie emerges, his steps are slow. He’s fully dressed in his uniform, Jake’s current look is lost. He isn’t seeing clearly, he’s lost in the haze of murder. Robbie doesn’t enter his space, he keeps a safe distance from him, and I’m impressed. “Jake…” His tone is anything but pleasant. He looks to me, sneers and looks back to Jake. “Drop it,” Jake commands pointing to his gun. I didn’t even notice. Robbie has his hand wrapped around the barrel, holding it tightly. He shakes his head, telling him no. “Whatever he said, it’s a lie.” Robbie looks at me with disgust. Jake’s eyes flick to me for a second then back to Robbie. “You think Black would lie to me?” He doesn’t hesitate as he nods his head. “He hates me and he’d do anything to make sure I stay away from Rose.” That’s true, I do hate him. I thought he was helping me last time when I was trying to find her, but he wasn’t. He was stalling. “You think I’m dumb enough to tell a lie from the truth?” Robbie doesn’t answer straight away, he knows he needs to tread lightly. Jake is like a bomb, and he’s about to explode. “Jake…” is all he says, trying to make him see reason. “Do you know what they did to me?” He steps closer, his voice lower, I can just hear him from where I am. “And it’s all your fault, isn’t it? You’re the one who told them about her. You’re the one who said I was helping him. You’re the one…” His gun raises, Jake’s doesn’t. His stays exactly where it is, tucked into his pants. He isn’t afraid, I sometimes think he welcomes death. He gets a look in his eyes that says ‘bring it.’ He’s been through worse, he has, I know he has. “He shouldn’t have been with her, he should have stayed away. I could’ve made her love me. I could have made her forget him.” The gun is now pointed at me, a gun in my direction is anything but smart. “No, you couldn’t have. Those two are two brands of their own crazy, two fucked up that only they can feed it.” Then his gun drops, and a cry screams from him. Jake turns to me, shakes his head, his gaze lifting. “Did you have to shoot him?” I shrug my shoulders. I did, he shouldn’t have pointed a gun at me. “Look, you need to leave if you are gonna shoot him again, it’s not your turn.” Robbie starts moaning from

clutching his hand. “I didn’t even shoot him in a good spot,” I say pointing to the sack of shit on the ground, clutching his hand like a bitch. “I don’t care, it’s not your turn. It’s mine.” I shrug my shoulders at him, he steps closer. “Black, keep your hand off the trigger or go home.” “Even if he points it at me again?” I question him. “Yes.” “Even if he points it at you?” “Yes.” “Even if I am sick of his face.” “Black…” I raise my hands. “Got it, no more shooting the dickwads.” He nods his head like he’s happy, then walks back to Robbie and lifts him by the shirt and pushes him into my car. “Hey, I don’t want blood in my car.” “You shouldn’t have fucking shot him then.” True. Next time all he will see will be my bullet.



CHAPTER 29 BLACK Robbie is in between us, moaning and crying about his hand. We both ignore his cries, he won’t be getting any sympathy from either of us. “When are you leaving?” Jake turns to face me, a serious look on his face. “Soon.” “Is it because of me?” HHHe shakes his head. “You and her, it’s all I know. Yes, I have brothers, but I don’t speak or let anyone know me the way you do.” “Why can’t you stay then?” “Because I love you both. You’re all I know. She’s now all I know. How am I meant to move on, when I wouldn’t get what I want?” “It’s her, you want her?” He shakes his head, Robbie quiets down in the middle. “Yes, and no. I wanted her because she’s all I’ve known for the past five years. I’ve comforted her and been there for her. She went to that place you go to when you kill, that haze, she was stuck in it. Your death really fucked her up. I brought her back from that.” He’s looking directly at me. “Were you there for the birth?” I don’t know everything that has happened, they tell me what they remember when they remember. I don’t delve and ask, I don’t think I have that right. “I was, that’s the moment I think I fell for her. Despite everything, that woman knows how to crack you open to make room for her.” “She does.” Fuck does she know how. “I was going to ask her that day, to be with me. I left to grab a drink, and when I came back, she was on the bed with the baby in her arms. Crying, holding those stupid cards you used, and I knew then, she wouldn’t love me the way she loved you. She just experienced the most beautiful thing, and all she wanted was you.” I stay quiet for a while, not sure how to process it. The days have gone by, and I haven’t seen her, I have wanted to see her. I just know I can’t be with her yet. She doesn’t need what I have to offer. I enjoy doing what I do, it’s all I’ve known. Changing so completely will take time. Time that I don’t want to waste, time that she shouldn’t waste. “She is waiting for you to do what you have to.” “He needs to die.” Jake nods, understanding what I need. I can’t live if he’s still out there. I’m not wired that way.

“This is how it’s going to go, Robbie,” Jake says, leaning down on the balls of his feet, so he’s eye level with him. Robbie is tied up, his hands dispensed above his head, his feet tied to the chair. “You’re going to give Black everything that he needs, then you and I will chat.” Robbie’s eyes flick to mine then back to Jake. “Don’t leave me with him,” he pleads with Jake. I smile, it’s not me he should be worried about. “You’re scared of Black?” Robbie tries to straighten his tied up shoulders, showing he isn’t scared, but I know he is. “It’s not me you should be afraid of.” His eyes flick to mine, then to Jake’s. “Now tell me, where is Grover?” He shakes his head. “I don’t know.” “I can’t shoot him?” I ask Jake, and Jake shakes his head. “Can I do other things?” Jake looks to a scared Robbie then back to me and nods his head. I take a step toward him, and he starts talking straight away. “He’s back at the compound, has been since the day you killed his men.” “Why?” “He’s burying them, and recruiting new men to take you down.” I nod my head, then turn back and sit in the spare seat in this hell hole. The one where it fucked up Jake. The same one I found her again in. “One more thing.” His eyes go wide. “Tell me why the murders weren’t connected to begin with to Gray.” I know the answer, I just want to hear it from him. “He paid me to cover it up. I covered your dirty jobs, you piece of shit.” “Those jobs were to link him to every murder.” He laughs at me. “I know.” “Did you love your daddy that much? That you wanted to protect him?” H is stare turns to anger. “No, I just wanted you dead.” “Me, dead?” “He didn’t want me, he had you and Jake. Why the need for another son? You were his golden boy, Jake was his second. There was no room for me, so when he said to hide your evidence of killings, I did. I knew then I could sneak my way back in. Then…” he shakes his head, “…you had to take her. You had to love her. It wasn’t just my family you wanted, it was her, too. So I fed him information, his loyalty only goes so far.” “Do you know what you started?” Jake asks, I don’t talk anymore. Robbie doesn’t realize everything he just said gave him a death notice. It wasn’t just me and Rose that got hurt in all this. Jake did, too. And to top it off by hurting us, they hurt him even more. He could heal, he knows this. He had to live without me for five years, to some that may not seem much. But to people like us, it’s a lifetime. He and I, it’s all we knew. We didn’t confide in anyone, him especially. To him, it was just me. He had his brothers, but they weren’t me. I know this. He has wanted to kill, leave them all multiple times in the past, he never did

because of me. Robbie is throwing Jake a confused look. “It’s because of you that I was tortured by my men. It’s because of you that Black was shot. It’s because of you that little Liam grew up without a father. And Rose… she isn’t the same, you know it. She tries to act tough as she is. Except, I hear her cries at night and the nightmares that plague her. That’s all because of you.” His head shakes back and forth so fast it’s giving me a headache just watching him. “He didn’t want me, he wouldn’t even tell you about me.” He tries a softer tone, Jake doesn’t really have a softer side. He only has that for me, Rose, and the kids. No one else touches that side of him. He may fool you with his smart-ass mouth, or his smiles, but that’s exactly that, though, he’s fooling you. “I may let you live.” Robbie gives him a look of hope. “If she says you can live.” Jake reaches for his phone, I hear her voice rushed as she answers, asking him what’s going on. He waits patiently for her to finish. Then tells her to come here, alone. I hear her ask why, that she doesn’t want to come to this place, it holds too many bad memories for her. “Black is here,” he says turning to me, then I hear her agree. He hangs up the phone and places it in his pocket then turns to Robbie and throws a punch in his face that knocks his front teeth out. He starts to cry, his hands try to move. He wants to touch his face, but he can’t. “She won’t let you hurt me,” he says, his voice is low and broken. It’s sickening. Only a few slaps, one bullet, and he’s breaking. “You would think that wouldn’t you?” Jake says. “Do you want to know what they did to her because you told them about her? Just to get rid of Black?” His head’s hanging low, but he lifts it now to look at Jake. Jake leans in close. “They sliced her, bit her nipples so badly that you wouldn’t even be able to recognize them from all the blood.” His eyes go wide. “She almost died because of you. She almost lost her baby because of you. She lost Black because of you. Now tell me again, who’s more important… you or Black?” His head swings to me, he knows the answer. I know the answer. She will always choose me. The broken, despicable me. How did I get so lucky? Why must I fuck it up?



CHAPTER 30 ROSE Sax told me he’s coming with me as I was at his house. I told him what happened, he shook his head and welcomed the kids and me in like it was an ordinary day. That man knows too much. He wouldn’t tell me anything, I asked. He said it’s not his place to speak. I hate it when he does that to me. His bald head is like a secret keeper, as well as an I-know-too-much shit keeper. I don’t know how Casey does not find that frustrating. Then again, I’m with a man who doesn’t like to speak much, unless prompted. We arrive at the compound, and it’s quiet. I see Black’s car and know he’s here. Sax looks around like he’s on the job. Hell, he could be for all I know. We both climb out and walk the short distance to the broken and torn down house. I hear Jake’s voice first, it’s raised. Not friendly either. The door opens before we reach it. Liam stands there looking down at us, he looks to me then to Sax. Nods his head to him and reaches his hand out to me. I walk the short distance to him and place my hand in his. He turns and pulls me softly through the door. I stop on the spot, Sax running into my back, his hands go to my shoulders, holding me in place. I look to Liam, then Jake, then Robbie, tied up, bleeding. “Oh my God.” My hand pulls from Liam, covering my face. I go to walk to Robbie, but Sax keeps me in place and doesn’t let me move. “We need to talk, Rose,” Jake says, wiping his hands with the bottom of shirt exposing his stomach. “Talk?” I know my mouth is gaping because that doesn’t make any sense. I want to know why they have him here, tied up. “Yes, it seems Robbie has been living a lie, particularly to you.” Robbie’s eyes find mine. He attempts to shake his head and stops from the pain it causes him. “You can’t do this, you said you stopped the bad, Jake.” “I do this, Rose, it has never stopped. I just try not to bring it back to you.” I watch as Liam walks to Jake, his face full of anger. Jake pulls his hands up. “I would never put them in danger.” “You promised me,” Liam says, and I’m lost again. It’s like a movie is playing out and I’m here to just watch. “I did, and I did protect her, I still am. Get off your high horse and come back to the now.” They turn to look at me. I turn to see where Sax is, who has not said a word at all. He’s watching me. “Do you want to leave?” he asks, as I turn back to Liam. He wouldn’t put me in danger. I don’t see Robbie as a danger. So I shake my head. He nods his head and turns back to look at the boys. “What do you know of Robbie’s family?” Jake asks me. I try to think, I’ve known him for over five years and never met any of them so I shake my head. “How do you think they found you, that night on the lake?” Jake asks me again. Robbie moans from where he is, his eyes going large, so I watch him with interest. “They followed us?” I say to Jake, but my eyes are on Robbie, his eyes are wide, he is worried, my mind is going back to that night, a night I don’t want to go back to.

“They didn’t,” Liam says. He pulls me from it, he does those things to me. He stands with a bit of distance between us. I can still feel all of him there for me. “What do you mean?” I don’t fully understand what’s going on. Why won’t they just say it? “Robbie told them about you. You didn’t want him, you wanted Black,” Jake says, I feel sick like I might throw up any second now. “It’s not true, is it Robbie? You wouldn’t do that to my family and me?” A strangle cry comes from him, I watch his mouth when he tries to open it. His teeth are missing, his mouth’s full of blood. “That’s not the only reason, he’s also my brother. He didn’t like it that Pres favored Black, counting him as his son and not Robbie.” The anger has climbed, it’s like a snake, wrapping itself up me, starting from the bottom, crawling its way to the top. “That’s how Ru found us that night, Robbie told him where we were.” The snake is now in my hands, and those hands have reached for Liam’s gun. He doesn’t see it coming, he’s actually too slow to stop me. I grab the gun, pull the trigger, it's loud, deafening my ears. Robbie screams and Liam pulls me backward. “Drop the gun, Rose,” he whispers into my ear from my back. I open my eyes, Robbie’s head is hung over, my hands shake, the gun still tightly wrapped in my hands. I feel my finger still on the trigger, my hand frozen in fear. “Rose, come back to me.” His voice is sweet, I doubt that it’s him at first, it can’t be. He isn’t sweet, he’s anything but. But when I feel his lips and beard on my cheek, the gun drops from my hand. Sax picks it up straight away. Liam wraps me tightly, my whole body shaking. “You didn’t kill him, Rose, you didn’t.” I manage to open my eyes, Jake’s staring at us, with me wrapped in Liam’s arms. “I didn’t kill him?” I ask Jake, who stands near Robbie, and he shakes his head. “It skimmed his head, there’s a bit of blood and he passed out. He will live, for a bit,” he says lifting his head showing me the blood then dropping his head back down. Sax walks to the front, his form towers over me. His eyes squint as they look down at me, then he looks behind me to Liam, nods his head and bends down to lift me. “No!” I say shaking my head, pulling myself from the arms of him. “I think you need to rest,” Sax says, talking to me, looking at Liam. “You expect me to rest?” A laugh bubbles from my chest, Sax looks at me unexpectedly. “Really?” My hands are shaking and flying around my face. “I just shot a person, you bloody idiots.” Liam takes Sax place in front of me. “You did.” “I did,” I say nodding my head. My hands stop moving, my body going to shock, the picture on replay in my mind. “Welcome to the dark side,” Jake says, I completely forgot he was there, his voice penetrates my mind, and I lose it. My fist goes flying, in any direction to whoever is closest to me, I feel the hardness of Liam’s chest when I punch, he doesn’t move, but it hurts my hands. He stands there while I do it, letting me take it out on him. “I don’t want to be on your motherfucking dark side, you fucks!” I scream, my fists have stopped, my hands clenched to my sides. Turning to leave, I know he’s following behind me, so I turn fast once we are near my car. “Get away from me Liam Black, before I say some very hurtful things to you.” He goes to take a step forward, I raise my hand to signal him to stop and he does.

“You’re angry?” “Ding dong, you’re fucking clever tonight aren’t you?” “At me? At us?” “Damn tootin’ I am, both you and Jake. Fuck you both and your fucked up lives. Stop bringing me down with you!” Opening my door, I hear his voice when I enter. “I didn’t want it for you, Rose.” “You didn’t give me much of a choice in the matter of loving you, did you? Your stupid eyes, stupid smile, stupid silent, stupid, stupid heart…” His head drops and I know I need to shut up, so I don’t look at him when I drive away, but it’s incredibly hard not to.



CHAPTER 31 BLACK Jake walks out, I haven’t been able to move. I have been staring at the space where her car was parked, trying to think. Trying to work out what is the best thing to do. He doesn’t say much, just stands next to me. Staring off as well. “He may say he’s my brother, but he isn’t my brother.” I turn to his words, they’re soft, unlike him. “You are that.” I nod my head, he is that for me. Has been since we were teenagers. “Are you going to kill him?” He said he would, but the reaction from Rose might have him back peddling. “I don’t know, she will hate me.” “She will,” I agree. “Maybe slice him up a bit more, then send him packing?” He nods his head. He takes a few steps then stands in front of me, his face mixed with emotions, but the main one I can see is determination. “I’m leaving, Black, I’m leaving tomorrow.” I knew it was coming. It’s what he wants, he doesn’t want to stay somewhere and watch what may or may not happen between Rose and me. I don’t even know what will happen. “I need some favors first.” His eyebrows raise in surprise. “Tell me.” “I need a steel coffin.” HHHHis mouth hangs open, then shuts. “You’re joking, right?” “No, and I need it by tonight.” “Where the fuck am I meant to find a coffin? Let alone a steel one?” “Your boys are good with steel, ring them and tell them I need it, now.” “They hate you.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “They don’t hate you.” He nods his head and goes back to staring out into nothing but gravel road and long grass. “You better go after her.” His arms are crossed, his lips are tight. “She needs time.” “She doesn’t. Go… now,” he says as he stops clenching his fists, then he turns and walks back to the house.

The drive is quiet, I try to think of the best possible thing to say to her, I am not good with words, so I come up blank every time. I see her car parked in the driveway, and as I look closer, I see she is still in it, sitting there, doing nothing. She jumps when I open the door, her face red from anger or hurt, I am not sure which one. “Should we talk?” I give her the option, she sits there playing with her fingers. A moment of silence passes before her eyes seek mine and she speaks. “I think it may be best.” “What do you need from me?” “If you would have asked me that question a few months ago, the answer would have been simple.” “It’s not as simple anymore?” she shakes her head. “It’s not.” “It’s who I am.” She rolls her eyes, her mouth goes tight. “It’s who you know, who you think you are, it’s not who you are.” “You think love changes things, Rose? Do you? Love is just a cover up, it’s not who you are.” “Don’t bullshit me, I can’t handle more shit today.” She steps from the car, her back against the door, her eyes dance from the floor up to me. I step closer, my hand moves up, the same time her hand comes up in defense, stopping me by touching my chest. The only hands I ever want to touch me there again. I lean in close, my mouth near her ear, her breathing becomes heavier. “You’ve hurt me, not put us first, even after you remembered. I need time, Liam, I need to work out what’s best for us, for our family. And right now, it can’t have you in it while I work it out.” A sob breaks free. “I can’t believe I just said those words to you, to you of all people. The person who I love that holds me so tightly that I find it hard to breathe.” “It’s okay to think of yourself, Rose, most people do. Think for yourself, I’ll be here. I will always be here, just maybe not in the manner in which you need me to be.” I kiss her cheek, she closes her eyes. I kiss her again, moving closer and closer to her lips with each kiss. My lips touch the edges of hers. She opens, giving me access to her and the kiss is beautiful, unlike our previous kisses. This one speaks of missed time, hello, as well as goodbye. I can feel her passion toward it, her hands are everywhere now, up and down my back, on my face, through my hair. I am exactly the same, trying with each beat to get her to me, to keep her locked to me. Then she pulls away, stepping away from me, gaining distance from us. “You should go.” She wipes at her lips, taking me off of her, any trace of me now gone. I reach up to touch her one last time, her face, her hand, anywhere. But she pulls away even more. My hand drops so I turn leaving her standing there, leaving a piece of me behind with her.

A few hours later, in a place I haven’t been back to, I stand there as my phone starts to ring. I want to ignore it, I don’t want to hear anything anyone has to say. I look to the screen, it’s Jake.

“You owe me so fucking big,” are his first words. “Jake,” I warn him. “Okay, okay. The boys did it. You’re extremely lucky that they had everything. It’s built.” “It’s done?” “Yes.” “What do you plan to do once you have done this?” “I don’t know.” “You do know, you will do whatever is possible to keep her and to make her happy. She deserves it.” “Are you my Fairy Godmother now?” His laugh vibrates through my phone. “Yes, tatted up, scarred up, motherfucking scary godmother, now do as I say and be a good bitch.” “You may have speed over me, Jake, but not with a gun.” “You always bring out your macho man ways.” “You can’t handle my macho ways.” His laugh is full, it makes me remember the time we first met. I met Jake when I was fifteen years old, he was not popular, but he was no loner either. He seemed to have his own circle, which consisted of just him. Yes, he occasionally spoke to other students and they would attempt to make conversation with him, sometimes he would engage but most times not. Everyone was scared of him, not so much him but his family especially his father. They all knew his father was in an MC, and that his father was the president. They had all seen the bikes that came to pick him up after school, they were hard to miss. I used to people watch after school, watch the way they interacted, watch body language, it was an escape, home held nightmares, I tried to avoid going there for as long as possible. Ever since she died, I never wanted to go home. One afternoon while I sat on the basketball court, with my shoes that had holes in them and my clothes two sizes too small from how fast I was growing, someone stood in front of me, blocking the sun. I looked up, a boy was standing there, the boy that always got picked up by the loud bikers. “You retarded or something?” He looked down at me, his hand holding the strap of his bag over his shoulder. I didn’t say anything, he didn’t seem to care. “You look like you crawled from a dumpster, did ya know that? Your clothes are too small.” He pointed down at my obvious clothing that was so tight I hated putting them on. My body had packages, packages that were being squeezed by tight clothes. “Anyway, my dad’s teaching me how to shoot today, wanna come?” My head popped up with the thought of touching a gun but, more importantly, the thought of using that gun on the man in my house. “Ah huh that interests you. Come on.” He waved his hand, and I followed. He didn’t shut up the whole walk back to his house. Not once. He laughed at his own jokes, and he didn’t care that I didn’t speak. “Holy Donkey Kong shit,” he spat out. I lowered the gun in my hand. He was watching me. I liked it, I liked the gun a lot. I shrugged my shoulders, and he turned to his father. His dad was watching me with interest. I came around for days and never missed a target, soon they started providing me with clothes. I never spoke to anyone after she died, until Jake. “Do you ever shut up?” I asked him. I was dressed in his clothes. His father gives him the men’s clothes that don’t fit them anymore, most are brand new. Today I had on all new clothing that actually

fit me perfectly. Jake was being Jake, chatting like a school girl. He stopped and turned to me. “Do you ever shut up? Seriously, do you know hard it is for me to get a word in?” He was acting serious, I thought then he had mental problems, until he laughed, slapped my back and kept walking, not waiting for me to catch up with him.



CHAPTER 32 BLACK It was done, everything was set. Jake and his men did an excellent job. Now it was time to hook, line and sinker my fish. I stand in the exact same place, the place my life changed for good, a place where something switched in me, where she would say for the better. It was our place, our secrets, our whispers, our pain was shared in this place. And now it’s cursed, it’s now a place that holds only nightmares. I watch as Jake and his men bring it up. It’s heavy and it takes a team to carry it. It was meant to be a safe, the outings of it were already created. They changed its look. Now it will be a place of nightmares, just like this was my safe place. No longer more. I walk down the hill, nodding to Jake and his men. They don’t look at me, they don’t like me. They don’t like what Jake and I are, they don’t like our friendship, they don’t understand it. Though he is their leader, they respect and acknowledge his rights. They just don’t have to like his company. I drive to the same place I woke up at all those years ago—all those years with no memory. Contemplating what I will do, and how I will do it, several things come to mind, none seem too beneficial for him. He betrayed me, took me away from those I loved. Robbie may have had a part it in, yes, it was him that told Grover, in which I found out that it was Grover who told Ru to shoot me, enough to knock me out. He had this planned, had it planned since he found out I was after Gray. He knew I would win, they all did but Ru and Gray, they thought they could outsmart me. Thought they could take what was mine and destroy it. She didn’t though, she’s strong, so much stronger than they could have anticipated. Robbie is currently buried behind a wall, he isn’t dead, he will just wish he was. Jake knocked down a brick wall, picked him up and sealed him in there when he was knocked out. He can’t escape unless Jake chooses to knock the wall down. His cries go unanswered, his screams unheard. He is alive, for now… It’s dead quiet, so quiet I can hear each breath I take. The place I called home for five years is broken, more broken than I’ve ever been. The fire has taken pieces of the building. The garage I once used to torture people inside, no longer stands. I position myself at the front, the front door is open, and I think for a second that he lied to me because no one is here. Then I hear footsteps so faint, apparently not wanting to be heard. Until I see his face in the doorway. He smiles at me, but it’s anything but pleasant. “Black!” He nods his head, his sinister smile staying in place. No need to say his name, he doesn’t get that victory. “You killed all my men, Black. Tell me where my daughter is?” He looks to have no weapons on him. He’d be a fool not to have weapons, and he’s no fool. They’re obviously concealed. “You will be visiting her soon.” His eyes widen in surprise. “She loved you.” “She used me.” He shakes his head. “You killed her, didn’t you?”

A ghost of a smile touches my lips. “I was hoping you wouldn’t say that.” He reaches to the left of him, behind the door. My phone starts ringing, I don’t look at it except when his hand pulls what he has hidden behind the door. I know automatically who it is that’s ringing me. Rose. His eyes go wide, he sees me and waves, having no idea what’s going on. How could he, he’s only a small boy—my son. “No reaction? I thought for sure once you knew she had your kid that it’s all you would care about.” His head drops to the side to study me, then he pulls little Liam’s shirt to bring him closer to him. Protecting his front side, in case I shoot. “Answer your phone, Black, I’m sure she’s worried.” He points toward my pants where my phone won’t stop ringing. I keep my eyes trained on him as I reach for it and bring it to my ear. Her voice is screeching and I manage not to pull it away. “Oh my God! Liam… Liam are you there? Someone has taken our son. Do you hear me? He isn’t at his daycare. Someone took him. Liam… Liam!” she shouts through at me. “I know…” “You know?” That scream was for me. “You fucking get him back, do you hear me? You bring me, my son… fuck!” The last word is screamed so loudly in my ear, I have to pull it away. “I will.” “I’m calling Jake,” she says, then hangs up. I place the phone back where it was. Grover standing there smiling. “Now, tell me where she is?” “You want the location of her body?” I shouldn’t have said it, I’m not used to protecting other people. Little Liam screams when Grover wraps his hands tightly around his arm. He looks to Grover, then back at me. He doesn’t cry, he must be my son. “A child for a child,” he says and that’s when I hear it. The sound of leaves being crunched. It couldn’t be Jake and his men yet. They would’ve only just started on their way. So I know it’s not someone to help me or to help little Liam, it’s someone who’s with Grover. I don’t turn fast enough. Someone throws something at me, it hits my back shoulder and it starts to burn, just as I turn I miss the second knife. A man stands—who I’ve never seen before—a few meters from me, his whole right arm, armored with small throwing knives. The third whizzes straight past my head. The guy smiles and picks another. I see it all now and am able to swerve and maneuver to miss it. Little Liam is watching, his eyes so wide in terror. Grover still has his hand tightly wrapped around his arm. It’s going to bruise. “Finish it!” Grover yells to the man throwing shit at me. It doesn’t take me long to react. “Close your eyes, boy,” I say to Liam, his hands come up and cover his eyes. While I watch him, a knife hits my left hand. Thank God it’s not my right, because I pull the gun from my pants. The man that’s dressed in camo, knives strapped to his arms, sees me pull it out and he starts to throw knife after knife, just as I shoot. It hits him dead center. His eyes are large as he drops to the ground. When I turn back, Grover and Liam are gone, somewhere inside the house. I hear the sound of cars, Jake climbs from one closely followed by Sax and a furious and distressed Rose. She looks around, her

hands shaking. She spots and runs to me, looking at my hand, where the knife is still embedded so she reaches in and pulls it out. “Where is he, Liam?” Her voice is high with panic. “Inside.” I shouldn’t have told her, she doesn’t think twice as she runs into that house. It doesn’t take long for us to follow her. Jake is right behind her, Sax comes to the back of me and pulls the knife from my shoulder. “If they’ve harmed him, I’ll re-stab you with this knife.” He holds it in his hands and throws it to the floor before he takes off into the house. Just as I walk in the door, I hear Grover’s motorcycle. Stepping back outside, I see him alone straddling his bike. He takes off in a shower of dirt and stones as fast as he can to get out of here. I hear Rose crying, and little Liam saying he’s okay. Jake walks to me, coming to a stop. “If I were you, I’d leave,” he says, looking back. I can’t see them yet though I can hear them. “Is he okay?” “He’s fine, it’s not him you should be worried about. If she doesn’t kill you, I might.” “He isn’t your son.” His nostrils flare, he steps closer to me. “I know this, but I have been there every day while you have been fucking who knows where and doing who knows what. She may love you, you may love her in your own way, but you still have a lot to prove, and the way you are going will not help anything.” “I have to kill him! He needs to die.” His head shakes back and forth. “I know how you operate, she doesn’t fully understand it. She’s meant to make you happy, and being with her is supposed to fulfill you or some shit. So much so that you wouldn’t need what you need.” “It’s not that easy.” “Well, I hate to say it… love can only carry you so far. There comes a time when it’s not enough. She is there, I think.” She emerges then, little Liam in her arms. He sees me and smiles, but she doesn’t. I watch as she walks closer handing off little Liam to Jake. He takes him, then nods to me. They all walk back to the car and she stands in front of me, dressed in shorts and a singlet—beautiful. Her hair cascades down her back, her blue eyes stare at me, full of… I don’t know… anger toward me? “No more, Liam, no more.” Her head shakes, tears well. Are they because of me? “Rose—” Her hand shoots up, stopping me from talking. “I love you, love you so much I can feel the bones in me cracking, ripping me apart. But I can’t do this anymore, not when it comes to them. They’re my first priority, they will always be first.” I try to understand, I really do. I just can’t comprehend it, I remember my mother’s love, not very well, but I see glimpses of it. I didn’t think it was powerful enough to override anything else. It is. “I told you, I told you I wasn’t good for you.” “Fuck you! Fuck you and your beliefs. Open your fucking eyes. I know you don’t understand love, but tell me how it feels to be without me? Tell me Liam, right now?” “Like I’m drowning,” I admit. “Well, you’re going to continue to drown.” And with that, she doesn’t look back as she walks to her

car and climbs in pulling little Liam to her lap and showering him with kisses.



CHAPTER 33 BLACK “You want her body?” His anger is evident in his response. “I will kill you!” he screeches through the phone. “Come alone, Grover. Come to the place where it all started.” He knows where I’m talking about. “You have ten minutes.” I hang up the phone and look down. I remember everything—I remember holding her in my arms, remember her words and the way she looked at me, the way she loved me. Now I’m worried, I am worried I won’t get that back, that I can’t get her back. That I’m so broken, so damaged, that I ruin everything around me. Destroy everything around me. I can’t though, I can’t ruin everything. I have to fix it. I need to learn, learn to stop drowning.

He came, and he came alone. He gets off his bike, gun in hand and walks toward me. He steps to the edge, not too far from me. Looking down then he looks back at me. Then around… for her. “Where is she, Black?” A shrug of my shoulders. He raises his gun at me. “You said you would bring her, she loved you.” “She loved you, Grover.” I watch as Jake walks up behind him, so silent that you wouldn’t be able to hear him. He places the barrel of his gun to the back of his head. Grover freezes, his eyes expanding. He tries to move fast by twisting his body around. The thing about Jake is he is fast, so very fast. Grover is instantly knocked to the ground and Jake kicks his gun away then steps on his hands, digging his steel cap boots in making his hands bleed. He looks up at me, he has a glint in his eyes, he thinks I care for him, that I won’t do what I’m about to do to him. He’s wrong, no matter how good she thinks I am, there’s an evil so deep that begs to be released, and it’s about to be released all over him. In a slow, silent way. “You won’t do it, you can’t. I’ve seen you with them. You love… love hard. You can’t do it.” His hands are bleeding, drops of blood drip onto the ground he’s kneeling on. He smirks like he thinks he’s right. “You would think that, wouldn’t you?” I smirk slightly at him. Jake walks over to me, leaving Grover on the ground, and uncovers what’s behind me. Grover takes a fast intake of breath. Then he looks to me, and Jake taps my shoulder. “Remember what we talked about?” I nod my head, he’s leaving. “In another life, brother,” he says, and I watch as he walks away. Wondering when I will see him again. If I even will. “He loves her,” Grover pipes up. His words make me angry, not a good position for him to be in. “What do you know about love?” I fire back at him.

“I know love, Black, I know it. You have it now, you will do anything to hold onto it.” “I will, I have.” “That’s why I know you won’t do what you have planned for me. She wouldn’t want you then, would she?” He’s testing me, he is trying to bargain with his life. It won’t work. “You see, there’s something in me, something that most don’t have. And it’s black, Grover. How do you think I got my name? Why do you think they don’t use my first name? It’s not because it’s part of my name, it’s simply because I’m dark. Darkness surrounds darkness, blackness surrounds black.” He tries to stand, I am now in front of him. He pleads with me with his eyes, they ask for forgiveness. That’s something I cannot give him. He took away my life. He took away her. He took away him. That is unforgivable. And it won’t be forgiven, no matter what. “Don’t Black, don’t put me in that.” His hand reaches out and grabs hold of my leg. I kick him off, a grown ass man, someone who’s ruthless, kneels on the ground below me and begs for his life. What a piece of shit. I slam my gun into the back of his head, knocking him out. He falls head first to the ground. I walk to the safe, which is now a coffin, and open it. The door is steel, it’s heavy, and the perfect size. Sax walks over, looks in it and shakes his head. “You really going to go through with this?” he asks pointing to it. “I am.” It’s the least he deserves. He follows me to an unconscious Grover, picks up his feet while I grab his arms. “It’s over, hey?” he asks and I raise an eyebrow at him. “With Rose,” he says. “It’s not.” “To her it is. She can’t handle it anymore, Black. Her heart can’t take it.” “You’re going to give me a job, and I will stop this.” He laughs at me. “You want to work for me? In security?” He shakes his head. “Could you even listen to orders? You don’t seem the type to want to take orders from anyone.” “It’s the only plan I have right now. Well, it’s the only legal plan I have.” We stop just over the safe and drop him in. His head hits hard against the steel and he wakes. Sax pulls a gun keeping it trained on his head. “You carry guns on your job?” I ask him looking at his loaded gun. He nods his head. “Then it’s a perfect fit,” I say, looking back down to Grover. “Black, don’t do this. If I don’t come back tomorrow, they will have a hit on your girl’s head.” Sax’s eyes shoot to mine, fear in them. “Grover, you don’t have anyone. No one wants business with you, they only dealt with you because of me. That’s the last time you will threaten my family.” My blood is boiling, I know it’s a lie. He doesn’t have anyone, but the point is, he shouldn’t be threatening them at all. He knows they’re my only weak link —she’s my only weak link.

“Black, are you sure he’s bluffing?” Sax asks, his gun trained on Grover in the steel coffin. Smirking down at him I answer, “He is. Say goodbye, Grover. Think of me as you suffocate, think of me as your last memories consume you, and think of this… the bullet I put through your daughter’s head, the way her eyes opened in surprise, the way she dropped to the floor. She’s now ashes burnt to a crisp. No one will ever find her, no one will ever mourn her, no one will ever care. The same as no one will mourn you… Oh, and since you want to see your daughter so badly, she’s in there with you. Can you feel her ashes on your fingertips? That’s her, and just like you asked, I’ve delivered.” He tries to jump for me, but as I push the steel door closed he just misses losing his fingers as it slams shut. He bangs and screams when we lock it. He’s wasting the limited air he has, he will die very soon and painfully. Sax helps me push it to the edge, the drop is high. We get half way and stop. Well, he stops. “Is this it? Is this all you need to do?” I nod my head, nothing else needs to be done. I can try again after this. “You’re going to attempt to win her back, aren’t you?” “Yes,” I say, then we push. Standing there in silence, the coffin drops from the edge, the loud bang echoes in the lake as it slams into the water. A weight is lifted. There are no more demons. Only angels, and I plan to get her back. I plan to have her back. Even if it’s the last thing I do.



CHAPTER 34 ROSE My world was crumbling, everything was suffocating me. Tearing me down, bit by bit. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hurt those that inflicted this pain on me, but most of all I wanted to escape, escape into something I knew, something I haven’t touched for over five years. Though, I knew it could make me forget, selfish I know. I want to slap myself for thinking of that as a way of escaping. Why couldn’t I be someone who just got drunk to escape or ever went for a run? Those things are what normal people do isn’t it? Why wasn’t I normal? I walk into my son’s room, he’s asleep and it’s just like nothing even happened. Like his life wasn’t at risk. He doesn’t see it that way, he sees Liam as his savior, a God. I wish I saw him as that. I wish when I saw him now that it was all birds singing and butterflies. Instead, now its dread, thinking that something’s about to come, something bad. I’ve been ringing Jake non-stop with no luck. He hasn’t answered his phone. It goes straight to voicemail. Sax hasn’t heard from him and I’m worried. I don’t want to call Liam to ask, I refuse to be the first one. It’s always me pushing things with him, making him realize he’s capable of more. Because he is, so much more. Two weeks though, it’s a long time to not hear from him. Especially, when for five years I spoke or saw him every single day. “Stop moping,” Casey says from the kitchen, Sax is in there cooking. Casey is eating whatever is in front of her. I don’t know how she hasn’t put on weight. She eats so much, like non-stop when she’s pregnant, and she seems to be pregnant all the time. I don’t think I’ve had a girls night, or drinks, or even gone out at night time for over six years. And before that, I can’t even remember as I was so high. “I am not moping.” She pulls a face at me, sticking her tongue out. “You are, you need to go out. You need to have a night just for you.” “With who? My pregnant best friend? Who’s always pregnant?” I raise my eyebrows at her in question. “You have work friends, people you have met from your charity. Pick some, just do it.” I watch as Sax smiles at what his wife is saying, she can be pretty persuasive, even when she doesn’t mean to be, or as I like to call it, peer pressure. “Tomorrow night, it’s a Saturday, make plans. We will watch the kids.” “Hold up, woman,” Sax says dropping the salad into a bowl. He tries to be serious, but how serious can you be while making a salad. “You hush, I’m hungry, so is the baby,” she says rubbing her belly and smirking at him. He does as she says, shaking his head. “What do you people wear?” She coughs and chokes on her food, holding up her hand and telling me to wait, then laughs. “You can’t be serious?” “I’m not sure if I’m ready, I don’t think I can leave the kids.” The guilt is still there, I know he wasn’t

hurt, but he’s my baby. And even if it didn’t traumatize him, it did me. “They will have me, plus Mister Bodyguard here to protect them. Nothing will happen, and we will be here when you rock up in the early hours of the morning.” I shake my head I don’t know if I can do it. Casey has a look of determination on her face though and I know she will win, she always does.

She barges in without knocking. I watch her waddle—yes, she waddles now. And she comes to a stop in front of me. I’m sitting on my sofa in my pajamas, the kids are in bed and I’m eating popcorn. Her face is serious when I look up because she’s blocking my view. “Up,” she says, pointing for me to get up. I stay where I am and turn behind me to see Sax standing there holding a garment bag and another bag. He looks bored. “Where are your kids?” I question her. “They’re with my mother. I told you, go out, fuck some stranger, come back at four a.m. Dance till your feet are numb.” “How about you go home, fuck your man, and leave me alone?” “I’m up for that,” Sax pipes up. We both turn to look at him, his smile is wide. “We just had sex, seriously Sax?” Her hand is on her hip, it makes me laugh. Her eyes swing to mine, she snaps her fingers and holds out her hand to Sax, he walks over with the bag, the one I know holds a dress. She pulls it out and inside is a red dress. It’s short, beautiful, the color of deep red roses. “This is for you, now get dressed.” “No.” “Yes.” “No.” “Yes… or I will sit here all night telling you about how Sax and I have sex in every different position, when and where. And I mean all the gory details.” “Fuck.” “Yep, you got it. He likes some kinky shit, and you know how I love to share.” “Woman, do you have to tell everyone?” He shakes his head at her, his face going red. I can’t help but smile at them. I want what they have.

The music is so loud, I can feel it, the vibration running through me. It’s hard to see, there are flashes of light, but no real lights to see ahead of you. My workmates come here every Saturday night, they’re younger than me, have no kids, and have a life. Sometimes I’m jealous, though I don’t regret any of my kids. I just wish I lived that life, that life that you live when you’re young and experiencing life for the first time. I spot some of them straight away, they have their own booth toward the bar. They wave me over, I feel old, too damn old. I feel like I have to pull my dress down further—it’s way too short and my heels are too high. It’s not me, I don’t dress like this.

“I can’t believe you came,” Mia says. She’s young, just turned twenty-one. My hands go to my dress again and I start to pull at it. She slaps my hands softly and leans in to hug me, I return the favor and when she stands I see my dress is modest to what she has on. Her top, if you call it that, is showing under-boob, her skirt is high-waisted and her heels make her taller than me. “Have you had anything to drink?” she asks flagging down the bartender. He comes over and smiles at her. I take look around and see two other girls from work, not much older than Mia sitting down and chatting, they wave briefly to say hello. “This is called a Wet Pussy, we have three each.” I blanch at her. Holy shit. “It’s not bad, trust me.” She lifts the first bringing it to her lips and then picks up mine passing it to me. I watch her then do the same. She’s right, it’s not bad, actually it’s nice and sweet. We do the second and third, then she passes me a mixed vodka to rinse it down with. “So tell me, where’s that gorgeous man who’s always with you?” Her eyes sparkle and she leans in close like I might tell her he’s gonna pop out a box. Then I think about Jake, and that I haven’t seen him for over two weeks—two weeks is a long time for me to not talk, or even see him. “He’s left for work,” is all I can say. What do I say? He tortured and possibly killed someone who I thought was a friend, but ultimately betrayed me? That he could be outright killing someone else? Fuck no. “Well, that man…” she fans herself, “…has an edge of naughtiness to him. You and he, aren’t like a thing are you?” The bartender walks back over, drops two more shots each down in front of us. I take one while she watches me. “No, just friends.” She downs her shots. “You’ve never mentioned Liam’s father. I always assumed he was the dad.” I squeeze my eyes tight, this is the reason I didn’t want to come out. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to be answering these types of questions. “He’s around.” She nods her head like she understands that I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t. “Let’s dance.” “I need to use the ladies room first,” I say, as I walk away. He’s on my mind, why must he stick there, like glue? I feel the alcohol, it’s more than I’ve drunk in over five years.

I wish I didn’t drink, I wish I’d seen what was in front of me before I got to the position I now find myself in. Mia is looking at him like she’s never seen someone quite like him before. Maybe she hasn’t. He’s one of a kind after all. He doesn’t look at her as she speaks, his green and dangerous eyes are trained directly on me and they’re not leaving anytime soon. “Black,” I say and he smirks at me. He knows I don’t use that name, I know I don’t use that name. “Red,” he replies, and he smirks back. My insides do flips, my hand goes to my belly, hoping it’s from him and not the alcohol. “You know, Rose?” Mia asks leaning in closer than I would like, to him. Liam doesn’t like it, he pulls back, gaining distance from her. And nods his head. “Great, you should join us for some drinks. We were about to dance.” I shake my head, he’s not joining us, and he does not dance. He sees me shake my head and stands and closes the distance between us.

“You don’t want to dance with me, Rose?” His voice is low, it’s making it hard to say no, making it hard not to want to jump him right here and right now. I lean in close, my breath on his ear. “You don’t dance, Liam Black.” I pull back just as he opens his eyes. “I will if it involves you.” Mia smiles at us and grabs my hand and pulls me to the dance floor, I turn back around to see him following us and immediately my nerves kick in. People move when he walks, he commands without even commanding. It’s a fascinating thing to watch. He doesn’t pay attention, he doesn’t notice the stares he brings upon himself, his eyes are fully trained on me. She stops and starts moving, I stand there and feel him behind me. He doesn’t move, I didn’t expect him to. Liam Black is not a man with moves, not on the dance floor that is. Other things? Yeah, he has them down pat. I don’t know why I do it. I could blame the alcohol, I could blame the lack of sleep I’ve had or the fact that I’m having a night of not having to worry, but I do it. I bring myself backward, my hips slowly moving to the rhythm, and my back comes into contact with a very hard Liam. His first instinct is to wrap his hands around me and hold me tight, making it hard for me to move at all.



CHAPTER 35 BLACK She’s a seductress and she doesn’t even know it. Her body fits mine perfectly, the curves mix with mine divinely. She was made for me, mind, body, and soul. Her hips move slightly, she smiles at her friend who smiles at me. I don’t pay any attention, my hands are occupied, my mind is occupied solely on her. And the way she smells and looks in this dress, the way her long legs go on and on, it’s hard not to grab her and take her away. She’s all I want. I know this, I will try harder to have her. I can’t be broken anymore, she makes me unbroken. She’s the glue that holds my bones together, and I will keep her for as long as I can have her. Even if it’s only now, now is all that I need right at this moment. Her body turns slightly, I loosen my grip on her and she moves her hands so they’re over my shoulder. Her heels make it possible, easier for us to be closer, face to face. “Why are you here?” Her lips are soft and pink. I can’t help but look, she isn’t one for makeup, I’ve hardly ever seen her with heaps on and her lips definitely don’t need it. “Because you’re here.” She closes her eyes slightly before reopening and shaking her head. “I’ve always been here, Liam, for five years I’ve been here.” “Are you mad, Rose?” “No Liam, I’m hurt. There is a difference.” “Tell me the difference, tell me so I understand.” “How do you not know normal feelings? How do you not understand any of it?” Her body is swaying slightly. “I didn’t feel anything until you, nothing was until you.” She turns and leans into me. And I hope it’s her, I hope it’s her that chose to kiss me in this moment, and not the alcohol that she’s consumed. Because when I taste her, I can’t refuse. It’s impossible to. My hands grip her tighter, they move from her hips to her ass. She bites my lip and slams into me, her mouth fast and angry. It’s hot, it’s delicious… is this an angry kiss? A fuck you kiss? Because she’s never kissed me like this, she removes her lips and leans up close. “I had a Wet Pussy shot, it worked, I’m wet.” That’s it, I’m done. I was hard from watching her, I was hard from kissing her, now I’m about to explode if I don’t touch her. She grabs my hand pulling me as she walks and I watch as her ass sways with each step she takes. We step out the front doors and she pulls me to the side. It’s dark, only one car is parked out here. Her hands come up to my chest, her back leans against the wall. She grabs the collar of my shirt and pulls me to her, grinding herself on me. Her mouth finds mine, it’s hot, hard and very unlike her. “Let’s go.” I pull back from her lips, she shakes her head and pulls up her dress, exposing her G-string and pulls it down quickly so it falls to the floor. Her hands go for my pants, undoing my belt and working

my zipper. “No, fuck me here,” she says out of breath. I don’t want to fuck her on a wall outside of a club. I want to fuck her where I know she won’t escape, where I know that she won’t run straight after we’re done. But I can’t say no, it’s impossible to. Her leg goes up around me, she grabs my cock and slides in it. Rational thoughts leave me—sex consumes me, she consumes me. Her eyes close, I lift her and her other leg wraps tightly around my back. She starts moving, up and down, her eyes closed. I grab her hips and slam her harder, going as deep as possible. She doesn’t look at me when she glides up and down, her hands dig into my shoulders, her mouth comes down and bites my neck, but she won’t give me access to her lips, they stay away. I suck her neck like I’m claiming her, maybe I am. Maybe I’m marking her, telling her and everyone she sees that she’s taken, that she is mine. She comes, her head lays on my shoulder for a moment before she lifts it up and pushes me back with both hands. I let her down to the ground then she pulls her dress down and doesn’t look at me. “I have to go,” she says. “Rose…” I grab her arm, I haven’t fixed myself up yet. She’s all that’s on my mind. “This doesn’t change anything, Liam. YouYou’re still the man who couldn’t put us first. This…” she moves her hands in the air, “…doesn’t change that.” She shakes my grip free, looks at me, and then leaves. She doesn’t say anything more, she doesn’t want me. I’m not sure what to do, how to do it. I don’t know how to prove to her, after everything I’ve done, that all I want is her and our family.

“I fucked her,” I say into the phone. I know what he’s about to say before he says it. “You stupid piece of shit,” he starts muttering swear word, after swear word. “I told you to win her back, not fuck her back.” “How the hell am I meant to win her back? What the fuck am I meant to do?” “How the fuck does she love you? You… Seriously… You are fucking clueless,” Jake mutters to me. “I’m still trying to work all that out.” “Yeah, well, you’re doing a shit job of it.” “A part of me wishes I’d never met her,” I tell him honestly. He doesn’t speak straight away. “Why?” “It was easier not to feel.” “They fucked you up, they turned you into the shell they needed, and it worked. If they can turn you into a man they needed, you can turn yourself into the man she needs.” “I don’t think I can.” “She doesn’t want rainbows and flowers, Black, you should know that. She wouldn’t be with you. She wants dark and consuming. You can do that just consume her.” “Listen to you, the guru of love,” I tease him. If he were here now, he would try to hit me.

“I don’t know love, Black, I just know Rose and you.” “You will find her, you will find your Rose.” “Yeah, maybe.” His voice is low. “Where are you?” “Around.” “You not telling me?” “Nope, don’t think I’m cheating on you or nothing, just need to find a new brother, someone to looove me,” he teases. “Fuck you.” “Yeah, yeah…” He goes silent for a moment. “Start with the kids, start with getting to know them.” “Fuck.” “They’re good kids, Black, you will find that out.” “Come back soon, hey?” “Yep,” he says then the call is ended. It’s time to win some kids over, how the fuck am I meant to do that?

Isabelle opens the door. She looks and talks just like Rose. She smiles when she sees me, opens the door wider and steps out then cuddles me. She used to do this when she was little. I remember her well, the way she was so straight forward. Like she knew lies, when lies were being told. “Liam,” she says stepping back. “Liam?” comes her voice as she walks into view. She flushes when she sees me, then pulls Isabelle into her. “I didn’t know you would be coming by.” “I came to meet Liam, properly.” Her eyes go wide, she hugs Isabelle tighter, making Isabelle pull away from her mother’s grip. “Really?” she questions me. I nod my head and she waves me in, shutting the door behind me. “He’s in his room, do you want me to get him? Or would you like to say hello?” “I’ll go to him.” It’s dumb, I don’t know why I chose that option, it would be easier and safer to have her there. She points to his room. I walk by her, smelling her, she smells like flowers, she always does. “We need to talk about last night,” I say. She nods her head and I continue to his room. I open it to find him on the floor, his room is littered with monster trucks, small cars, and he has his iPad on, with those stupid adults that show kids games—seriously? He looks up at me and points to his toys. “Play with me?” I give him an odd look that he doesn’t notice as he starts making noises with his cars, smashing them into each other. “Are you gonna sit, Mister?” His attitude is pretty full on, the way he said that was like ‘play or get out.’ I sit on the floor in front of him, he pushes cars around in front of me. “Do you know who I am, Liam?” I ask when he pauses his game. He looks at me and nods his head. “Who am I, Liam?” He doesn’t look as he points to something next to his bed. It’s a picture of me in a

frame. A soft knock comes from the door, Rose opens and pops her head around the door looking to me then Liam and smiles. “Dinner?” she asks me. I go to reply no, then he speaks up. “He can sit next to me.” Rose nods and closes the door. “You love my mom?” he asks me. He’s watching me stare at the closed door Rose just disappeared out of. “From what I understand of love, yes, I do.” “I love her.” “You should.” His eyes are trained on me now, he isn’t interested in his cars anymore. “Why do you love her?” “Because she’s beautiful, thoughtful, and her love fills holes that shouldn’t be filled.” His head drops to the side like he half understands what I’ve just said. “You make her cry, did you know that?” “No, I didn’t.” “Don’t do it again!” His tone is serious. “Are you going to be my dad now?” “Is that what you want?” He purses his lips. “Yeah, the other kids have dads. You’re bigger and scarier than them, it’ll be cool.” A child… I’m having a conversation with a child. More so than what I have with adults. He’s marvelous, and he’s mine. I can see it in him, in the way he moves his hands, to the way he crinkles his forehead. But it’s her that I see the most, his eyes may be mine, but the love in them, the way they shine for those they love that’s all her.



CHAPTER 36 ROSE He stayed in there with him and I listened from the door. I don’t know why he’s here, I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t want to talk about last night. It happened, it was wild, hot, and sexy. Casey knew as soon as I walked through the door, she pointed to my neck and screamed with happiness. She knew he’d come, they told him. What I didn’t expect was him turning up today, asking for Liam and not me. They both come out when I call, Liam takes a seat at the table, little Liam sits right next to him passing him one of his cars. Hayden walks in, he stops when he sees who’s at the table and looks to me. He smiles and sits the other side of Liam. “Mr. Black, it’s good to have you back,” Hayden says. I stay quiet while they all make conversation with him. It’s interesting, to say the least, as he gets hounded with questions. He looks to me for help when they ask him where he’s been, I’m amazed he hasn’t run yet. “Someone took me away, took me away from your mother.” “Will they do it again?” Isabelle asks, his eyes are watching me as he answers her. “Never.” He stays until their bedtime, and I watch as they say goodnight to him. Isabelle gives him one of her famous cuddles, and he pats her back. Hayden nods to him, little Liam walks and takes his hand and pulls him, asking him to pick him up. He looks to me. “He wants you to pick him up.” He leans down and Liam grabs his face. He kisses him on the cheek then lays his head on his shoulder. My heart beats faster. “Come on baby, time for bed.” He comes to me willingly, Liam watches me with interest when I take him. “Say goodnight.” “Goodnight Daddy,” he says half asleep. My eyes go wide, my hands start to shake in what he will think, or say, or even do. “Goodnight, little man.”

He isn’t in the house when I come back out. At first, I think he’s gone, that it was too much for him, that it’s all too much for him to take. That makes me angry, angry that he could do such a thing. Then I see the front door open, it’s raining, hard. I don’t see him at first when I open the door, but there he is, standing under the street lamp, his head down to the ground and he’s soaking wet. “Liam!” I call to him and he turns. I can just make out his features. He looks pained, I don’t quite understand why. “Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt?” he asks taking me back to that first night. Those

words I asked him, he’s now asking me. “I have.” “Who was that person, Rose?” I walk closer, stepping out into the rain. He watches me with interest. The rain coats his face, droplets fall from his eyelashes. “You, Liam Black,” I admit. It hurts, it still hurts. “I think I understand it, Rose. I think I understand after all these years what you were talking about. It hurts.” I want to reach out and touch him, to hold him. We just aren’t there yet, I don’t know if he’s there yet. I don’t know if he’s safe yet. “Why does it hurt, Liam? Tell me why it hurts?” He blinks a few times, his body staying still as he watches me. “You want to know?” I nod my head. “That… that feeling in there, I understand how you survived, I wouldn’t have been able to if it was you. I would’ve jumped willingly into that black hole and never escaped. But that, and you… I finally understand. It’s you, it’s you who did that.” He points to the house his voice uneven. So unlike him. “It will always be you, won’t it? It will only be you that makes my heart pound when you’re near. When you laugh, something cracks, something extraordinary. Is it love, Rose? Is that what this is?” He steps closer to me closing the distance. “For you, I think that’s what it is. It’s different for everyone. For you, I think it would be allconsuming. You haven’t loved, you run from it, kill for it. For you, I think your whole love would be scary, but beautiful.” It would be, I know it. He’s a man that is like no other. “People use the word so freely, I don’t want to do that. I want to mean it. I meant it with you, you know that right? With them, I felt it. How did I feel it?” My hand touches his face, I run it over his cheek and down his beard. He’s wet and it’s sexy. “I think you should go, Liam. I think you should go home.” His eyes squint, his hand comes up to cover mine. He smells of rain and Liam Black. A mixture made to weaken the strongest of people. “You want me to leave?” It’s hard to say the next words. “Yes… I want you to leave.” “And never come back?” he asks. I shake my head. “No, I want you to put us first. Our safety comes first. And when you can do that, prove that you can stay.” “I can’t change entirely, Rose, you know that. It’s who I am.” “I know, I don’t want you to change, I would never ask you to do that. I love you the way you are. It’s what you do and how you do it. I won’t have it near me, not anymore. Too much bad has come from it.” His head drops as he stands in the same spot, he doesn’t speak as he turns to leave. The rain coming down heavy on us both, dripping, just like my dripping, melting heart.



CHAPTER 37 BLACK A plan is what I need. I plan to win her trust back—not her heart, I already have that. And I have shattered that, the trust within it. She tells me I have to give her my all, I thought I was, I did. Maybe, possibly I didn’t. Because I don’t quite understand what my all is. I don’t know how to decipher the difference. “You’ve been moping all day.” Sax goes to tap me on my shoulder, but I pull away. Some habits are hard to break. He squints at my reaction and shakes his head walking in front of me. “This is what you do all day?” I wave my hands around, we’re in a security room. Over ten different screens have some live feed from the places he has security on. He shakes his head at me. “This is not what you’ll be doing.” “What will I be doing?” He unholsters his gun and sits in front of me. “You will be on bodyguard duty. It’s perfect for you, no talking.” “Guns?” He nods his head smiling. “Yes, you will carry a gun.” He brings out his iPad and starts searching for something, then turns it to me. “This…” he points to the screen, “…is who you’ll be working with.” The woman on the screen is beautiful. “She is a pop star and a very famous one,” he says pulling it back. “When?” “She flies in tonight, you’ll meet her at the airport.” I had planned to see Rose tonight, to try to talk to her again. I’m craving her like I’ve never craved anybody before.

I watch as she walks down from the plane, she has a triage of people surrounding her. She’s easy to spot and dressed like she was in that photo, like a model. Not an ordinary person, I don’t know a lot about women, but I’m guessing wearing high heels and tight dress on a plane would not be comfortable. She walks to me closely followed by her team. She doesn’t look up, her eyes are glued to her phone. She stops and holds up a finger when she reaches me. “You are?” she asks while still typing. I don’t answer and that makes her pause and stops typing as she looks up at me. She smiles and the lady closest to her answers for me. “It’s your bodyguard.” Her eyes roam up and down my body, she can’t see my eyes, because they’re covered by my sunglasses. “Stay close, love,” her voice is low when she speaks to me. I follow her to the car, wondering when I

can shoot someone next. I’m to guard her for the next few hours, then return tomorrow. She has a team on her at all times. We’ve checked into the hotel, I didn’t enter and stayed positioned at the front entrance. There are men with cameras situated everywhere outside—she must be popular. “Love?” her voice is next to my ear. The door isn’t all the way open, only her head is visible when she asks me to come in. When the door is open all the way, she’s standing there in nothing. Literally nothing on her body, she smiles sweetly at me. “Tell me your name?” I look at her, she sees me looking and it only makes her smile brighter. “Black.” She purrs, like what the actual fuck. “I like that, I like that a lot.” “You needed?” She touches between her legs, her pussy is bare. Her legs are slightly parted. “I need a release. The last one didn’t do so well. I have high hopes for you.” Nope… not fucking happening. My cock isn’t even happy at the sight of her, it hasn’t moved once. I turn and walk out, not even shutting the door as I leave. Another man is standing there, another bodyguard. “She needs you.” He smiles while nodding his head. He can fuck her because I sure as shit am not.

“Not again Sax, not a-fucking-gain. Do you hear me?” He doesn’t pay me any attention as he types furiously on his keyboard. It takes him a moment to turn to face me, then he smiles. “She try to seduce you?” My eyes bulge that fucker knew. “She does it to all my men, most fuck her.” “Do I look like most men to you?” The smile hasn’t left his lips. “I have other jobs I do. I think perhaps would be more up your alley. Except, it’s confidential, only my best men do these jobs.” “Guns?” He covers his face, smiling. “Yes Black, it’s only for those with guns.” “People?” “Yes, usually you and one other.” “A woman?” “No.” “Sign me up.”



CHAPTER 38 ROSE There’s a delivery at my door, it’s a large black box. A card is attached to it, so I pick it up and feel the weight of it. I’m actually afraid to open it. Don’t open near the kids. I read the first line of the letter and wonder if it’s smart to actually open it. I mean, who starts off with a heading like that. A gun for a piece. A piece of your heart. A bullet for your trust. A barrel for your love. As you’re reading, you see that I suck at this. I am trying. This is my most prized possession, I received this after my first shoot. It was the moment I knew I was GREAT at something. This was what I was great at. Until you. I carry this piece everywhere, if it’s not with me, it’s near me. I’ve had this since I was sixteen years old, Rose. Sixteen… I’ve never had something that long in my life or loved something that long. Until a dark night, a strange girl sat in the dark. She took my breath away, did you know that? Did you know you did that? No one has done that to me before. NO-ONE. I’ve never understood you, you were odd, but kind. You were strange but un-mistakenly beautiful. I am giving you this as a sign, you now hold my most prized possession. What you do with it, is your choice. I know most people don’t understand me or understand us. I am just starting to. I’m understanding that I don’t want to live in this life without you next to me. I have done it and I didn’t like it. Meet me tonight, at that place. You know that place. The place where it all started. Liam – Black I drop the letter, why would he ask me back there. He knows how I feel about that place. I can’t go back there, I’m shaking at just the thought of it. I read the letter again and again. It calms me, he calms me. I laugh at it, then smile at it. I want to see him laugh, I want to see him smile. I think I’m the only person who’s had that privilege—to see him smile. He doesn’t do it often, hardly ever. And he should, well he

should for me. It makes my heart beat fast, my belly fly with butterflies and my toes curl. I open the case, it’s not a case I want to open. I hate guns, as a matter of fact I despise them. They bring nothing but hurt, pain, and danger. The case is shiny, the inside is fitted perfectly. I don’t know much, but I can see this case was made for this gun. Broken It’s inscribed into the handle of the gun. Is that how he sees himself? As a broken man?

I haven’t removed myself from the car. I want to just sit in it and not shift. I can’t even bring myself to look out the side window. I drove here, but I can’t move, I can’t get out. I don’t know how long I sit there for. I think part of me is in shock, it doesn’t want to move, it doesn’t want the danger that could possibly follow what is to come once I step outside. A knock comes at my window, my hands slam onto the steering wheel. I scream until I hear his voice. “Rose.” “Why would you ask me to come here?” my voice is high, I realize I just screamed that at him. I try breathing slowly, to try to calm my heart down. “I think you needed to, to come back here with me.” “I’ve been here once without you, I thought you were dead.” He slowly opens my car door, I hold it so he can’t open it fully. “You need to be with me. We have so many demons, we need to wash them away.” “Fuck that! You do it.” I turn to face him, he’s smirking at me. And instantly, my heart calms from being afraid to be happy. “Don’t try to change my mind with that…” my hand points up to his smirking face, “…look,” I finish off. “Only you can pull…” he waves his hands around, “…this look.” “Good to know, Casanova of the fucking dead.” “Rose, let go of the door.” “I got your gun, why would you send me a fucking gun?” “Door Rose.” I let go of the handle and he pulls it all the way open. “You can destroy it if you want.” I give him a blank stare. Because really? “You sent the woman you want a gun. You do know how fucked that is, right?” “Do you know you swear a lot?” I roll my eyes. “You seem to bring out the best in me.” “That I do.” He eyes me up and down. “Get your mind out of the gutter.” “It was in the gutter the moment you opened your dirty mouth, you’re to blame for that.”

“Good job distracting me, Mister.” “It worked.” He is right. I’m now half out of the car, my mind is not on that place, it’s solely on him. “Why are we here, Liam?” “I want to talk.” “You couldn’t have been a normal person and invited me out for dinner?” His eyebrows scrunch up, and he looks down at the floor. “Dinner? Is that what people do?” “Liam, yes… that’s what normal people do. But I guess we’re anything but normal, right?” “You want normal, Rose?” “I don’t, Liam Black.” He grabs my hand, I feel the warmth in it and follow as he leads me up the hill. He comes to a stop at the top, he doesn’t let go of my hand, he squeezes it tighter. “I think I love him, is that what’s meant to happen?” His question surprises me. Shocks me. “Liam,” he confirms. “Yes, that’s what is meant to happen. It’s crazy, a love for a kid. It’s different to a love you would share with a partner.” “It is,” he says turning to me. “Can we put each other back together?” “I think that’s possible.” His hand slips into mine and he holds it tightly. “I started working for Sax.” His admission surprises me and makes me happy. “Can you handle that?” “Can I handle not doing what I am good at? What I have done for most of my life? I can.” His hand circles around my waist, I cling to him while he looks me in the eyes and smiles as we fall backward. It doesn’t scare me this time, it feels oddly good. We both come up for air once we hit, both still completely dressed, me wrapping myself into him. My head lying on his shoulder as he floats us. “We can try… we can work.” “We can,” I say then kiss his lips. They’re soft, he’s being soft. He’s being gentle, so unlike him. I grab his beard, pull on it, and then bite his lip. He smirks against my lips and pulls me to him, then kisses me the way he’s meant to kiss me. Passion, lust, love, possession. All of what Liam Black is.



CHAPTER 39 BLACK She stopped by on her way home from work yesterday, and when we parted, she asked me to come by tomorrow. I couldn’t say no, didn’t say no. When she stopped by she left a present, quickly kissed me, then laughed as she left. When I opened the box, I threw it over my couch and hoped it would catch fire. In the box it had a note, saying ‘Wear me.’ Like fuck I was wearing that. A pink fucking shirt. Seriously, pink! Not blue, fucking pink! She can’t seriously expect me to wear that, can she? I go over to it and pick it up with two fingers because it’s a joke, right? It has to be. I wear black, white, and black. Nothing more. I’m meant to be there soon and I’m dressed in black. What she saw me in, not this thing—this pink thing. I pace the house, eyeing that shirt, contemplating the sacrifice I will have to make to wear it. Because it would be a sacrifice, a sacrifice to the male race. It’s disgusting, awful.

Her laugh is ringing in my ears. She stands tall to look at me, then snaps a photo, then doubles back over in laughter. I stand there, not very happy, in a pink fucking shirt. Pink. “Rose,” I say, she wipes away her tears of laughter. Then stands tall again, she eyes me and doubles back over. The anger is wearing off, because of the way she’s reacting, both the smile and the laugh. I forget, for a minute, that I have this hideous thing on. Then I rip it off, throwing it to the ground behind her. “Never again,” I say. She stops and stands, licks her lips and her eyes roam my chest. “I didn’t expect you to wear it,” she says talking to my chest. She reaches out and touches my nipple and the piercing. “But it’s nice to know the things you will do for me.” She steps closer and licks my nipple. “You brought me a pink shirt for me to not wear it?” She isn’t even listening to me, her mouth and eyes are on my chest. I push her chest back and step into the house, looking around. It’s just us, no one is home. I throw her over my shoulder, she squeals loudly. I walk to the bathroom, grabbing things on my way. She asks me what I’m doing, but I don’t answer. Her shower is old but sturdy. I stand her in front of it, it has a railing up above for the shower curtain. So I grab her wrists one at a time and tie them up, she smiles and tries to bite my chest each time I get too close. When her hands are tied up, I wrap a scarf around her eyes. She moans in disappointment as her eyes are covered. I then strip her, it’s easy. She hasn’t worn anything under this dress, it falls to the floor lifelessly and she kicks it away then she tries to wiggle closer. I stand back, removing all my clothing and watch her squirm.

“Liam,” she moans in want this time. I place a kiss just behind her ear, she drops her head to the side, exposing it for me, and then I lick all the way down past her breast to her stomach. Her breasts arch as I come back up and glide over one of them. I run my hand over her ass while tasting her with my tongue. Then I slap her, and she cries out in pleasure and starts panting. Her legs open willingly and I dip just down far enough to touch her clit. “Fucking lick it,” she says. Dirty. She gets feisty when she’s near me. I like it. “Beg me,” she pushes further, my breath now on her while she starts to create her own friction until I pull back. “I’m not begging, I am not a tramp, just do it now then fuck me.” “Yes ma’am,” I say smiling as I let my tongue glide over her. She starts to bite her lip, arching her chest, she wants to touch her tits, but she can’t because her hands are tied up. She always has to touch, that’s her punishment for the pink shirt. She positions one leg on my shoulder, and creates her own rhythm, her body is easy to read, she wants attention on her clit, then she wants it further down, then back to her clit, it’s a game of cat and mouse I’m happy to play. She moans like she’s eating chocolate, the best piece of chocolate the world has created when she comes. I don’t let her fully come down from her high as I pick her legs up and slam into her fast. Her head hangs backward, she doesn’t pick it up as I fuck her, but she bounces on me using her legs as support making us go harder and then come even harder. I stay for a few seconds after, catching my breath. Then I pull out from her, walking out. I hear her call my name, I don’t answer it. When I step back, her legs are closed and rubbing together. I sit and watch, mesmerized by her. “I know you’re there, let me down,” she says, looking in my direction. I turn the shower on behind her, then cover her nipples with chocolate syrup. Her nipples are her weakness, even with everything that’s happened, she always wants them touched, licked, bitten. So I coat them, then I lick them clean, then bite them. Her moans are what I was expecting, she’s sore, tired, but now fully aroused again. I pull the blindfold off and her eyes are closed, I don’t even think she realizes she can open them. Then when she does, her eyes are glassy, full of emotions, and she looks at me like I just brought her back from hell and I’m the fucking angel. What a fucked up world we live in for her to look at me like that. And that’s the sole reason I fuck her again, to be the angel to her devil, the hell to her heaven.

We wake with hands and feet covering us. Two kids in the bed, and a mother looking down at us. Hard on disappearing at that very moment. She smiles at me and walks over to Rose, who’s fast asleep. She leans down and kisses her cheek then goes to step out, stopping at the door. “You will be right with them?” she asks. I look to them, Liam and Isabelle, snuggled in between both of us watching me, then nod my head. She walks out and I check under the covers to see if I have pants on, I don’t.

“Isabelle, take your brother to the kitchen.” She hops up and grabs his hand, he follows her out and I stand and pull my pants on, following them out. When I get there, they’re opening and closing the food cupboard. “There’s nothing to eat.” I walk to the cupboard and open it, it’s full of food, literally full of food. “Are you kids’ blind?” I ask them seriously and they laugh at me. “Take us to McDonalds?” Liam says pulling on my pants. “The house is full of food.” “Can you cook?” Isabelle asks, so I nod my head. “I want pancakes,” she says, Liam starts shouting for pancakes. I end up making them pancakes and they eat them all. Liam asking me one hundred questions of why I’m there, and if I’m staying. I tell them to eat, they don’t listen and ask questions anyway. Liam ends up going to the toilet after he eats five pancakes, Lord knows where he puts it. “Mom, I want a chocolate party like you did.” I look to the open bathroom and see Liam standing there staring at the chocolate coated bathroom, then I hear Rose wake up. “Shit,” and then I laugh.



CHAPTER 40 ROSE The sound is so unusual, so unlike what I’ve heard before. I walk straight into the bathroom to find Liam holding little Liam up under the arms, he’s laughing so hard that he looks as if he is about to drop him. Little Liam is covered in chocolate, chocolate that’s covering the floor, and the open bottle is in my child’s hand, is covering him. Liam hasn’t even noticed I’m standing there, he can’t stop laughing, or stop looking at little Liam. “The things that does to me,” I say. He swings his head to me, in complete understanding of what I’m saying. “It was the pink shirt wasn’t it?” he asks making me laugh. Little Liam turns his head to him. “Ewww, you wear pink?” He spits, and the chocolate that was in his mouth goes down Liam’s leg. “Kid, no pink, ever. Do you understand me?” “Black,” he says nodding. I shake my head, they don’t even know each other, yet so much alike it scares me.

Liam went to work, Sax called him and said it was urgent. I asked him if he needed the gun that’s now locked in my safe. He kissed me and told me no, then proceeded to tell me his sniper rifle is locked in a case in his car. My eyes bulged, he shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing. He didn’t tell me much about what he’s doing for Sax, but the slight smile on his face when he answered, told me it was something he would enjoy. It’s not long until he calls me and tells me I need to go see him. His voice is serious and it scares me. He tells me to come to Sax’s work. I’ve never been there before, I don’t even know where it is. When he sends me the address, it doesn’t take me long before I arrive. When I enter, standing next to him is Sax. Both their faces grave hushed in talk. They stop talking when I walk to them, both of them straightening their stance. It has me on guard and worried straight away. “Why am I here?” I ask looking around, it’s an industrial area. Steel sheds are surrounding each other, one is open, and it’s full of surveillance footage. “Something’s happened,” Sax says. Liam hasn’t spoken, he looks lost in thought. “Liam, what’s happened?” He looks up at me, his eyes boring into mine. “Jake,” he simply says, looking away. “What about Jake, Liam, tell me what’s happened?”

“You don’t want me to be that person, do you?” He changes the subject, my mind is confused, I shake my head not understanding what he’s talking about. “What person, Liam?” “The blackness, you don’t want me to submit again to it, do you?” “No, but why are you asking?” “Because I’m going to have to submit. I’m going to have to, and I’m afraid I would lose you.” I look to Sax, who’s staying quiet. “Sax, what’s he talking about?” He nods his head toward the doors of the shed, I follow him in there, leaving Liam standing where he is. Not moving. “I’m sorry,” he says, looking at me before he hits play. That’s when I see him, that’s when I scream. Jake is on the floor, a ball is in his mouth, duct-tape holding it in. His hands are cable tied above his head, someone stands there, smiling. I hear his scream, it’s muffled behind the ball. The man smiles, then with pliers, he tears his nails off his nail beds. One at a time, not being slow about it—rip, rip. Jake is naked, cuts cover his body, blood soaks the floor. Robbie smiles at the camera while blowing a kiss. Now I wish I said he could kill him, now I wish I killed him. I walk to Liam, he hasn’t moved. I grab his bearded face, pull his lips to mine, then kiss him hard. It takes him a moment to respond, and he doesn’t disappoint when he does. He loves me, he loves me with a fire so deep that only he can express it, that only I can feel it. He loves me as if I was the first and last person put on this earth and that I was made just for him, created just for him. He loves me like the moon in the night and the stars in the sky. He loves me. It’s a scary kind of love, it’s his kind of love. It’s a love that I wouldn’t, couldn’t change for the world. Liam Black’s love is scary, crazy, but ultimately consuming. We break the kiss at the same time, he drops his head back down to mine. “Let it consume you,” I tell him. “You get me?” He smiles. “I get you, baby, I fucking get you,” I tell him. He picks me up carrying me to the car, away from Sax. “Go to Casey’s, take the kids and stay there.” I nod my head. “Come back to me, Liam Black,” I say to him. “Always, Rose Miller.”

He has issued himself a death wish, a death wish once I have him. One that Jake will be inflicting on him, and solely him. And the blackness won’t take hold, I’ll let it fly. Then I will own her. She will be mine, to death even with a pink shirt.

He thinks he can hurt me, he thinks he can destroy me. I should have killed him like I had planned. I should have tortured him longer like I’d planned. Now this, fuck love and fuck everything it involves. Death is the carrier of all, and his death will be delivered by my own hands. “He will be coming for you,” Robbie says, my hands are pulsing, my blood is rushing to my fingertips. I will kill him, I will deliver him to the hell he once visited. “Then he will die right along with you.” He laughs while watching me waiting for a reaction. He realizes I can’t speak, then removes the duct-tape and I spit the ball from my mouth, then laugh at him. “Black will destroy you, and you won’t even see it coming.” I laugh, it’s the first real emotion running through me. He slams the tape back across my mouth, then switches on all the lights outside and turns on all the cameras. That’s when I see him, in the darkness. Stalking his way to the front door, a gun in each hand. He’s come, and it’s not for me. It’s for the man trying to load his guns…

Thank you for reading; I hope you enjoyed Black and Rose as much as I loved telling it. Black and Rose’s story will never be over, but next, you will get to meet Jake, and learn more about him. Book three is in the works, if you wish to be the first to know what is going on. I have a newsletter or my fan group you can join here. If you loved it, let me know by leaving a review on the site you purchased from (Example – Amazon – Ibooks – Barnes & Noble). They mean so much to us, and every review counts, good or bad. Fan Group Newsletter





White T.L Smith Copyright 2016 TL Smith All Rights Reserved This book is a work of fiction. Any references to real events, real people, and real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the Author’s imagination and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, organizations or places is entirely coincidental. All rights are reserved. This book is intended for the purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the express written permission of the Author. All songs, song titles and lyrics contained in this book are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.

WARNING This e-book contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language and may be considered offensive to some readers. This e-book is intended for adults ONLY. Please store your files wisely, where they cannot be accessed by under-aged readers. Cover – Louisa – Love. N Books Formatting - Angels-Indie-formatting Editing by Swish Design & Editing Proofread – KMS Editing Cover image – Nick Bennet by Wander Aguiar





Sasha's Dilemma (Dilemma #1) Adam’s Heaven (Dilemma #1.5) Sasha’s Demons (Dilemma #2) Krinos (Take Over #1) Kalon (Take Over #2) Kratos (Take Over #3) Pure Punishment (Standalone) Antagonize Me (Standalone) Degrade (Flawed #1) Twisted Perception (Flawed #2) Black (Black #1) Red (Black #2)



To Lila Rose—my Bitch to my Hooker. Yes you, who wanted me to write Jake. You can all thank her.

Everything changes, in seconds, minutes, hours. I know, it happened to me. It wasn’t for the better, it was for the worst. I am broken, no that doesn’t sound right, I am chipped. Pieces of me have been chipped so bad that it’s impossible to claim them back. Even if I want to, even if it's for her.



PROLOGUE CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 6 CHAPTER 7 CHAPTER 8 CHAPTER 9 CHAPTER 10 CHAPTER 11 CHAPTER 12 CHAPTER 13 CHAPTER 14 CHAPTER 15 CHAPTER 16 CHAPTER 17 CHAPTER 18 CHAPTER 19 CHAPTER 20 CHAPTER 21 CHAPTER 22 CHAPTER 23 CHAPTER 24 CHAPTER 25 CHAPTER 26 CHAPTER 27 CHAPTER 28 CHAPTER 29 CHAPTER 30 CHAPTER 31 CHAPTER 32 CHAPTER 33 CHAPTER 34 CHAPTER 35 EPILOGUE



PROLOGUE ADDY It was as if something ate at him, and that something was drowning him, taking away everything he was. And here he sat, doing just that, letting it drown him. He never noticed anyone or anything around him. Women would come up and sit next to him, but he would ignore everything around him, lost in his own miserable head. He didn’t even pay me any attention unless it was to slam the glass on the bar so I could hand him another drink. Ignorant prick is what he was. He wiped at his scarred face, and I watched as it contoured, the edges coming up in pain, or sadness, I wasn’t sure which. I didn’t know him well enough. Though from what I had seen, he was clearly damaged. His hands, always fisted, like he held it all there in the tips of his fingers, trying to not let it escape. He wanted to hold it I realized, the pain, or whatever it was that was eating at him. He relished in it and kept the pain his prisoner. Only someone very twisted would want that. Someone very fucked up. So I intended to not want to know, or to talk to this dangerous man who sat there every day, day after day, drinking himself into oblivion. I had my own demons, and I wanted to escape them, not hold onto them so tightly as if it was like my lifeline.



CHAPTER 1 JAKE The heart, it’s a funny thing really. We rely on it so much without even realizing we need it—realizing how important that small red pump actually is. The life force that flows throughout our body. If you lay still enough, you can feel it, hear it pump and pump. One beat… To too many losses. Two beats… To too many broken hearts. Three beats… To those that suffer. Four beats… To those that lose their way. A beat, a pump. You could sit there and imagine what each beat means, what each pump explains. When in reality, you have no fucking idea. None. Zilch. You’ll never know, you just have to trust what it does. What makes it beat, or pump faster. But can you trust it? Can you trust that beat? That pump that takes over your body? I’ve been in many situations where all I have left is to listen to my own dark and twisted heart. Too many nights to wonder what the fuck it’s saying. What it wants. When in actuality, it just wants me to live. To beat and pump that bit longer, even if I’m not sure I want it to sometimes. Even I think it’s smarter to shut it up, to stop tormenting myself when the silence takes over, and I know it’s there. That it beats for me, and only me. What a fucked up heart I have. Why would it choose to still beat, to pump? At times, I’ve tried to will it to stop—times I have contemplated ridding the beating within my body. Would that be the smart thing to do? Or the stupidest? Who the fuck knows, I sure as shit don’t. So I sit here and listen to it beat. Let it pump everything through my body, through all the cracks, the splits, and let it do its job of trying to keep me alive. Because that’s the only thing I have going, even if it’s beating fast for the wrong person.



CHAPTER 2 JAKE I was raised to not be a kind or caring person. My father was not gentle, he was cruel and vindictive. All my life I was a pawn, someone who he invested in, for the club. He never treated me better than his club members. No, sometimes it was worse. I worked my way up—despite what was stacked against me —and earned a sliver of his trust. He made me Vice President of his club, then he used me even more. In some ways, I didn’t even know he did so because he was sly, cunning. A fucked up man, to say the least. I remember the day I worked it out, the day that I realized I was the pawn, and he was the master. He wanted Black—Black was what they all wanted. It never made me bitter toward Black, no, not at all. Instead, it made me bitter towards those that used me to get to him. Like he was the prize. He wasn’t a prize at all. Black was loyal, he didn’t take orders, he was who he is, no questions asked. Then he heard about her, Black’s first ever weak link. Apart from me. I remember the day he found out about her, it drowns me in sorrow. “He seems to be with a woman, all the time. He speaks to her, he doesn’t ignore her.” I was watching through the cracked door, listening to one of my father’s men speak of Black. Watching while my father ran his hand over his chin in deep thought. “A woman? Someone he cares for?” The man shrugged his shoulders. “Do you even know if he cares?” My father slammed his fists on his desk with a thud. When he stood, his face scrunched in anger, fists opening and closing at his sides. “Of course you know. Black doesn’t care for anyone apart from that son of mine.” He spat son out like it was a curse instead of a blessing. “Follow them. And get me everything you know about her.” “I have a picture.” The man stood there, staring at my father. “What are you waiting for? Show me the fucking picture.” My father’s man pulled a photograph of Rose from his pocket and placed it on the desk. He stood there looking at it, and after a few seconds, a smile formed on his face. “Luck. Luck is what this is. This bitch is mine.” The laugh that echoed around the room was evil. He got what he deserved, nothing short of it. He took away my friend for five years. In that time, I fell for a blonde, one I shouldn’t have fallen for. I didn’t want her, I knew it. I just couldn’t turn it off. She was there—all the time. She was caring, and she was beautiful. The feelings didn’t happen straight away, they built up over a period of time. Until one day, I knew I wanted her for more than friendship. Except, I knew she wouldn’t want that. She didn’t even look at other men after Black. She wasn’t interested. No matter how many times men tried, she backed away. It was like she knew he was alive, and waiting, except she didn’t know at all. So that made matters worse. How could I have fallen for someone who could never return that feeling? It seemed just my luck that would happen. Trying to better myself, I kept the dark things I needed to do away. She didn’t like the dark things—the guns, the drugs, the women. She lived it once, so it was not something she ever wanted to go back to. And I understood, that’s why it had to be secret. I was good at secrets, always have been. You had to be with a

father like mine. He could tell a lie a million miles away. When she saw him again, I knew then that I’d lost whatever I thought I could have with her, and that it was never going to happen. No matter how bad Black was, or who he was, he was it for her. And once he pulled his head out of his ass, he realized the exact same thing. So I had to leave, I couldn’t stay any longer. I loved them both, but on different levels. I couldn’t put myself through watching their happily ever after. Because they deserved it. And if anyone did, it was them. I didn’t deserve a happily ever after. I have too many ghosts in my closet. Monsters. And they need to stay locked away.



CHAPTER 3 JAKE 6 MONTHS AGO I don’t know how it happened. The alcohol could have had something to do with it I guess, but fucked if I knew. However, it happened, and I didn’t expect it. I was far enough away from home for anyone to have known where I was, let alone who I was. I was drinking at the same bar I’d been for the last several nights. Drinking, trying to clutch my demons. The alcohol helped, it served its purpose. The silence does too. The silence was different. It wasn’t your average silence, it was my silence. The one where people talked, and music played. But all you saw was white, you drank it in, it was invigorating. I remember walking out, the sky was dark, but the sun was slowly rising. It was late, or was it early? I had no idea. I got lost in the dark, it captured me. Locked me in its grasp like a trap. I rented a small apartment within walking distance, the neighborhood wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t the worst either. So my guard wasn’t up, and my defenses were down. That’s when it happened, a searing pain slashed through my head. My hand flew up on instinct, then everything went white. It doesn’t go black, it never does, and that was the issue that troubled me the most.

To say I was surprised to see him, was an understatement. I never thought I would have seen him again, let alone a living breathing copy of him. “I can see your mind working. Wondering how?” he mocked me. I tried to move, but nothing happened. He had misled me, used my deceptive techniques and tied me down. Not smart, by his standards. “Believe it or not, it's not you who I want the most.” Robbie stepped closer, leaning down so his face was in mine. His breath stank, a mixture of stale tobacco and too much whiskey. “It’s Black. It’s always Black. Does that make you feel like shit? That you always come in second best, in everyone’s eyes? Including hers?” I closed my eyes, he was trying to provoke me, and it wasn’t working. I may have been second best in some people’s eyes, but Black and Rose always put me first. He just hadn’t realized that yet. And it wouldn’t matter if I was last on Black’s list, because with Black, his lists were small. Though, if you did happen to make it onto one of his lists—someone he considered worthy enough not to kill—you wouldn’t want to cross him. I know I wouldn’t want to. He stabbed me, the knife sliced straight through my leg, missing any major arteries by a minuscule measure. I didn’t think he realized it, as he went in for a second attempt. Leaving the first knife in place, I could feel the blood, it was running heavy and fast, pooling around my legs. He looked down, watching it trail its way down with a smile. Then he stepped back, leaving the knives in place while he walked to a

camera. The pain didn’t reach my brain straight away. I’d been through worse, far worse. Plus, I had a shit load of alcohol in my system, so I was half numb. When I looked down, I saw the knives locked in position, the blood still moving like paint spilled on its canvas, attempting to find the end of the picture. To stop the movement I tried to shift, even slightly, to see if I could and that was when I felt the burn. The knives searing into me, it churned my stomach causing me to wince. His back was to me, his hands flicking the switches. He wasn’t worried about me moving, he was more interested in whatever was on that screen. I stared at his back, wondering what was to come, what are his plans? I should be worried, I should be scared, that’s the problem. I’m not, though. Yes, the pain hurt. It hurt so much that I wanted to drink it away. That was my escape now, the alcohol. It helps me disappear, hide away from the world. He walked across to me, his head hung low in concentration. A needle appeared in his hand, he squirted the clear liquid up through the small hole at the tip. He didn’t look me in the eyes. His vision was trained on anything and everything but me. I felt the sting of the needle as it was pushed into my neck. Thoughts ran rampant through my mind. What was he doing? What had he inserted into my already broken body? It couldn’t be worse than what I’d already put it through. No. No one could do worse than me, that I knew for sure. He lifted it away, walked to the sink depositing the syringe in the basin with a loud clang, then he stepped back to me. He still hadn’t looked at me the whole time. Then something strange happened. My hands started drooping. They were tied, but the fist I made opened without my permission and hung limply. I tried to gain access to my hands, but nothing happened. Then the same with my legs, I couldn’t move them, nothing was happening. My body was helpless, defenseless, numb. “I paralyzed you. But don’t worry, you’ll still have the pleasure of watching everything I do, and feel the effects once the drugs wear off.” His eyes trained on me then, I could see the darkness in them now. I think I’d broken him, shattered him when I buried him in that wall. I was so proud of myself in that moment. It was a sad thing really that my pleasure comes from someone’s torture. It was the main reason I knew I was heading down the wrong path, and that I needed to do something, anything, but it just never came. Despite how wrong I knew my world was, I couldn’t change it, I was born into it. It was all I knew. “Did you starve?” I asked, my mouth was heavy, the numbness still taking hold, gripping me firmly in a vice grip. His eyes went large, then something was placed in my mouth. He lifted my head and let it smash back to the ground after he tied the ball in place with duct tape. I could feel the crack when my head dropped. It wasn’t an intense pain. No. It was like it rattled through me. He moved next to my legs and pulled the knives out one by one throwing one to the floor, the pain wasn’t there when he pulled, it was like a weight was taken away. I watched as it bounced and clattered on the cold concrete floor. Then I followed his hand with my eyes as he brought the knife down and he cut my clothes away from my body, leaving me naked and tied up on the ground. He pulled my hands up and lifted them above my head, then wrapped a cable tie around them. I could hear the sound as he snapped the plastic into place. He kept the knife in his hand, and when he walked back to where I could see him, I watched him thinking as his forehead scrunched up into deep creases. He was scanning my body, then he reached down and started to make small short incisions, covering me with my own blood. He carried out the task slowly, meticulously, each cut like art. His eyes fixated on what he was doing—like he’d never done it before, and as if it excited him watching the blood making trails across my skin. He stood up and looked down at me. I wanted to laugh at him. I was naked, and he was staring—the perverted fucker. “Are you ready?” he asked as he stepped back and walked to his camera. I saw the red light flick on.

He grabbed a pair of pliers, smiled toward the camera and walked back to me. The pliers clenched in his hand when he placed pressure on them. I couldn’t feel him, I was completely numb, my body unable to feel any pain. And I wondered why? If it were me, I would have made him feel. I did make him feel. I’d done so much worse, so very much worse to him. I heard the rip, my eyes closed and reopened when I worked out what he was doing. He was tearing my nails off, one by one. Lifting them from the nail beds and ripping them from the end, pulling each off. He flicked them onto me when he finished, each one landing on my chest with a sly laugh. It was a sickening sound, a nail being torn from its nail bed. He stopped once he reached three. He stood and stepped over to the camera, spoke, and then the red light went off. We stayed in the same spot for what seemed like hours. He stared off into the distance, his eyes lost in thought, while I watched him trying to work things out. Eventually, I managed to be able to move my toes, they wiggled slightly, not much, but I knew the numbing agent he’d given me earlier was now wearing off. He turned around when I looked down at my feet, walked to me, and tore the duct tape from my face. I spat the ball out, being able to once again close my mouth had never felt so good. “He will be here soon.” I don’t know if he was whispering it more to himself or to me. “Sounds like he already is,” I commented, the same smirk playing on my lips. His eyes flicked to me, then to the door. He obviously couldn’t hear it yet. I’d grown accustomed to Black’s sounds. I knew he was here, and soon, so would Robbie. His boots were heavy, each step was loud as it echoed through the empty walls. I knew as soon as Robbie stood up, he was near and livid. Black didn’t do anything half-assed. When he did something, it was all or nothing. That was what made him so good, so unstoppable. That was why people would pay thousands of dollars for his services. That was also why he had no one—his only friend was me. Even then, I wondered if he saw me as that or a casualty. Until her, then I saw a chink in his exterior. He would do anything for her—he had done, and he would do. Robbie was fumbling with his gun. He didn’t even look down at me. Why would he—I’m chipped, cracked, broken. The sound of his boots was getting closer. I didn’t think he would come. He was trying to be normal, not good, just normal for her. He would do anything for her. Their love was a love worth dying for, one that touched you even if you weren’t the one in love. “Fuck!” Robbie muttered, loading his gun then pointing it steadily towards the door. He finally looked at me, then pointed the gun in his left hand at me. One aimed at each of us—the door and me.



CHAPTER 4 JAKE The pain was the first thing that hit me when I gained my mobility back. My fingers started to sting, with a pulse so deep it felt like they were splitting open. The cuts on my body were only light, and I’d endured worse. Still they were there, they just didn’t cause me much pain. The stab wounds, on the other hand, were throbbing. The blood had stopped its darkening of the cement floor. The color was lost, it was no longer a bright red just dark crimson. I watched Robbie in fascination as he shook when he heard how close Black was. He knew he was only steps away. And he must have known that he was about to die and that Black would be the one to do it. “Watch the door,” I told him. His eyes skimmed the floor to me, then back to the door. I’d never seen someone so brave, but so petrified at the same time. He wanted to kill him, and I think he realized that he was the one about to die. “I hope you’ve said your goodbyes,” I told him. His breathing picked up, and the door was pushed open. My head swung to the direction of the door. Robbie shot—once, twice, he emptied the entire clip— but nothing was there. He stopped once the last bullet was fired, turned to pick up another gun, and that was the last mistake he made. Black was like a dark shadow, sometimes I thought he didn’t even know what he was doing before he did it. He doesn’t look anywhere, or at anyone when he shoots, it was like his eyes glass over. I had seen it before, but I’d never paid it this much attention. Robbie dropped his gun. Black fired—without hesitation—the bullet lodged straight between his eyes, and he dropped to the floor. I watched as he walked out, his eyes didn’t even set on me once. “Black…” I screamed his name. His haze took over—sometimes it did that for a while. I was hopeful this time that it would pass quickly as I really needed to piss. “Black…” I screamed again. I couldn’t hear his boots anymore as I laid in the same position, not being able to move due to the cable ties that were so secure they were cutting into my flesh. He left me there for a good ten minutes till I heard his boots coming toward me. He stopped at the door, his eyes landing on Robbie then on me, then he stepped over to me. Pulling a knife from his belt, he cut the ties. Then he took a step back and walked straight out the door not looking back. “Fucking idiot,” I heard him mutter and despite myself, I laughed. I managed to stand, pulling myself up using the wall. My legs weren’t participating, and I landed straight back on the floor. “Black…” I screamed again. No answer, and no boots. “Liam fucking Black…”

He stepped back into the room, his green eyes now trained on me. “Help me the fuck up.” He looked me over and shook his head. “Black!” He shook his head again. “You’re fucking naked. I’m not touching you, no way in hell.” He pointed to me like I didn’t have any idea. “Get me a fucking shirt, pants, and carry me you asshole. He stabbed my legs, I can hardly move them.” “You’re an idiot for letting him capture you in the first place.” He folded his arms across his chest, like that was his point, and I was a tool for being there in the first place. “Clothes, dickhead. Then carry me back to my place.” He shook his head and walked off, coming back seconds later to throw them at me. A black T-shirt and black pants. I slid them on trying to pull myself up from the floor. He didn’t move at first until I dropped back down. Then he threw my arm over his shoulder, half lifted me and started his walk to the car.

“Where too?” he asked, hanging up the phone to Rose. Once I gave him the address, he started to drive and didn’t speak to me until we had reached the small apartment I’d rented. He looked up at it and shook his head. “Fucking stairs…” he said as he opened the door and helped me out. We walked up the stairs, one of my arms across his shoulder, and the other on the railing of the staircase. I opened the door when we reached it, and he took one look around at the bare apartment. All that was in there was a single mattress on the ground and a fridge that was stocked full of beer. “Rose will be here tomorrow. She’s gonna flip when she sees this place.” He kicked an empty beer bottle across the floor, and I let go of him and dropped onto the mattress. “She isn’t coming. I don’t need her here. You can go now, too.” I waved him off, stripping my pants then picking up the bottle of tequila next to me. He stayed where he was and watched as I poured the alcohol all over my wounds, hissing when it hit the tender skin. “I’m going, expect us tomorrow.” He ignored me as he walked away, shutting the front door as he left. My wounds stung, a throbbing pain shooting through them, so sharp, so painful that the tequila I was drinking as well as pouring on my wounds was not helping at all. I wanted to stand and lock my door because I knew they would be back tomorrow, and that was the last thing I wanted, them hovering.

“Get up!” I heard him but chose to ignore his voice. “Last warning!” Just as I went to open my eyes, cold ass water was thrown all over me, making me tense and spring up, gasping for breath. The second I realized I was on my feet, it was like the pain released, and it shot through me like a knife all over again. I dropped back to the floor. “Jake…” Her voice was soft and sweet. My eyes opened automatically to see Black and Rose standing over me, looking down. His hand was clasped in hers, her blue eyes held sorrow for me, her forehead was crinkled. She was worried. She looked down, over me. My clothes were gone, and the only thing I managed to get on last night was boxers. The rest of my clothes were on the floor next to me. I watched as she leaned down, inspecting my wounds then turned her back to me as she dug through her

bag. When I turned to look at Black, his eyes were watching my movements, watching me watch her. “She insisted,” he said, stepping back and walking to the kitchen bench. Rose turned around, worry still etched across her beautiful face. My hand did it automatically, not on purpose, when I reached up and my thumb pushed the lines from her forehead. She leaned into my hand. “I was worried. You had me so worried.” A single tear left her eye, I wiped that away too. “I’m fine, Rose. I’ll heal.” She nodded and turned to look at Black. His eyes already on her, they softened when she met his gaze. She looked back to me “I can sew. So unless you want to go to a hospital, I need to stitch up your legs.” Her blue eyes were back on me as she grabbed a needle and thread. I nodded my head once and watched as she started the preparation. “The kids?” I ask. Black’s lip turned up slightly. I would have guessed that it was a half-smile. “Terrors,” he said. “He sleeps with little Liam in our bed,” Rose told me raising her eyebrows to make a point at just how much he loved them. “They miss you,” she murmured, distracting me from what she was doing. “We all do.” “I miss you all, too. I just...” she stopped and looked at me, “…have to be by myself for a bit.” She nodded and continued, then moved to the other side to stitch the other leg. “You’re always welcome back. Your room is still there waiting for you.” “How does Black feel about that?” I turned to look at him and saw his eyes were on her, watching her, protecting her. “You are mine and Black’s best friend, Jake. No one could replace you. Plus, you know him… a man of many words.” “I can hear you,” he muttered. “And?” Rose fired back at him. He shook his head at her and didn’t respond. She went back to stitching me up, fixing me. She thought she could stitch me back together. That somehow, it would help me. It only helped the wounds on the outside, not the gaping wounds on the inside.



CHAPTER 5 JAKE PRESENT It’s been six whole months since I’ve seen them. Six whole months of me sitting in the same bar, night after night, drinking myself into oblivion. Hoping it will drown out my demons, fears. They’ve tried to see me, especially Rose. I just can’t do it anymore, I can’t continue to lie to myself. She came to my door, knocked and knocked for days. She gave up after a week. Except for the phone, that’s never stopped. Black knows I’m alive, he knows I still run the club. He seems to know all things. He hasn’t contacted me, he knows me, knows I won’t answer till I’m good and ready. I do the same thing—like I’m on autopilot, like it’s all that my body knows—shower, get dressed, walk to the bar. Same routine. Still nothing has changed. I wonder when it will or if it even will. Usually one day a week, I leave here if only for a few hours to go to the club, to keep up some kind of appearance. The boys are becoming restless, annoyed and pissed. Except the problem is, I don’t seem to care all that much about what they think. “Same thing.” She asks me this every time, like one night it might change that I won’t nod my head and slap my money on the table. Except that doesn’t happen, I do the same every night, not being able to break that simple routine. Maybe I’m an alcoholic now, I don’t seem to be able to sleep without the alcohol in my system. I’ve tried it. It failed. Ended up right where I am now on this bar stool, with music playing loudly all around me, women dressed skanky, men only here for one thing—to fuck. And the same bartender, night after night, serving me. I couldn’t even tell you what she looks like, or who she is. But to me, she’s my escape. She serves me up my escape, and for that, I’m glad there’s one person in my life that doesn’t question me. I hear her sigh when she picks up my money and places a shot in front of me. I slam it down, more money coming up indicating another. She does so without a sigh this time, and that’s when I manage to look up, to actually see her for the first time. Without the alcohol haze that usually pulls me down, I see her, and it’s breathtaking. She locks her eyes with mine, then raises an eyebrow. “You’re looking at me?” It’s a statement, but also a question. That voice, it oozes nothing but sex. “You’re hot! How come I never knew that?” She looks taken aback, then shakes her head at me. “I’m tossing up not serving you any more or… perhaps tipping this alcohol all over you.” She says it like I’ve offended her. Maybe I have? I have to think about what I’ve just said, it’s as if the words have left my mouth without me knowing. My hands fly up in defense. “Just stating the obvious, sweetheart.” Her head shakes as she leans across the bar. Her mouth so close to mine, I can see the color of her eyes—chocolate brown. “I. Am. Not. Your. Sweetheart.” She pauses after each word, then turns and walks away from me.

I want to hit myself. I want to escape back into my bubble because this was my place, a place where I didn’t have to worry about anything but what’s in my head. Now, I see her, the stranger who’s helped me drown for so long, and holy shit, what a piece of ass she is. Ringlets basically frame her face, her hair is long and curly. Skin—a soft caramel color. Her body is toned, her ass—perfect. She’s strikingly beautiful with breathtaking features. She’s like no one I’ve ever seen. She ignores me, serving other customers, leaving me sitting where I’ve always sat, looking at my empty glass. I watch her, she knows I’m staring. She looks up every now and then, and she catches me. Her head shakes, and she puts it straight down. Back to whatever it is she’s doing. “Where are you from?” I ask, making her stop what she’s saying to the man at the bar who’s staring down at her cleavage and not at her face. Her eyes look up to me, those big brown adorable chocolate eyes. “Solo vete a casa.” Her words are sultry like they drip from her sexuality. I want to fuck her, for days. I want her to whisper whatever words she says in that language, while my cock is buried deep inside her. I raise an eyebrow, my forehead crinkles trying to work out exactly what nationality she is. “I said… just go home,” she answers my unspoken question but misses the other entirely. “After you tell me your name.” She goes to speak when the chair next to me slides out. I don’t look. I don’t care. I just sit here and wait. Her eyes are wide—she looks terrified—and that makes me turn to the person next to me. And when I do, I wonder why she seems so terrified. “I’m ready to pull you by your hair out of this place,” Black says, tapping the bar. I watch as she walks over to him. She’s nervous and wipes her hands on her jeans. Her eyes won’t meet his. “Water,” is all he says. Predictable. Her head nods and I watch as the glass shakes when she hands it to him and she walks away fast. “You’re scaring my next lay,” I whinge to Black, wanting him to leave. “You’re scaring my woman,” he retorts. “Tell Rose I’m fine.” Black doesn’t move as he stares at me. I’ve noticed the place has gone quiet, it’s not as loud as it generally is. Maybe I need more alcohol? I look up to see the beautiful stranger at the far end of the bar. I beckon her to me with a finger, and she shakes her head. I look to Black again and see him paying her no attention. No, he’s on his phone, which is very unusual. “Fuck, I need a drink.” “We’re at a fucking bar,” Black retorts. But my bartender seems to not want to serve or be near us right now. “You scared her. She won’t come back here.” He looks to where she is, she quickly busies herself as soon as both our eyes train on her. “You’re coming home.” “No Dad, I’m not.” I stand and throw a generous tip onto the counter, even though I hardly got fucking served. Hearing his chair scrape along the floor when I reach the front door, he follows me out. He isn’t doing it for him. Rose sent him, I know she did. Black isn’t one to chase someone, he leads, not follows. It’s just how he is.

“She’s your friend, Jake. She misses you.” I stop. It hurts, and I don’t want to hurt her. I just can’t be there, I can’t watch it. I won’t. I refuse. “Don’t ask me to come back again, Black. I did what you asked a long time ago. I looked after her.” I turn to face him, his face is neutral, he doesn’t show much emotion. “You can’t keep on asking me to do things for her. I’ve done it, I’ve done it all. And the whole time, she only ever loved you. So no, I am not going back. No, you cannot ask that of me. You’re my friend, too. Put me fucking first.” His head drops slightly as he looks down at the floor, his eyes are dark when he looks back up at me. “I’m not asking for just her, you should know that. Yes, she pushed me, but the kids miss you. Most of all, I miss your smart ass mouth. I don’t have friends, you know this. Even knowing you love her, I still want you there. It’s selfish, I know. But it’s you…” he trails off. I think that’s the most words he’s ever said to me in one go, and with feelings. It takes me aback. I’m stumped for words, and I’m never stumped for words. “Not yet, I can’t, not yet.” He nods his head, turns and walks away. Not speaking again, leaving me standing there watching his retreating form. “You’re all I have. And as sappy as that sounds, you’re all I know.” He hears me, even with the yards between us. I see him stop. “I’m not. Open your eyes. Then come back when you have.” He disappears this time, walking away into the blackness. Fitting really.



CHAPTER 6 ADDY He’s arrogant, cocky, and I don’t like him. I may have been intrigued by him, but that was until he opened his mouth, then he annoyed me. His friend scared me, though. I’ve seen him before, somewhere, I couldn’t remember where. I knew for a fact, he was dangerous. When they left, the friend looked to me, his eyes bore into mine. He didn’t speak, just stared. I looked away at first, never wanting to be held under his gaze, it was intimidating. His chair squealed loudly as he stood while he watched me. I didn’t dare look at him again, till I heard the front door open and knew he’d walked out. “Trouble, Addy… trouble is all those men will bring.” My regular comes in every second night after he finishes work. Simon is his name. He’s an older gentleman, and very wise. The way he picks up on stuff, and says the perfect things, making me believe he knows more than he says. “I know, Simon… I know.” He shakes his head at me. “All this time that man has been coming in here, and not once has he acknowledged you, or spoken to you. Except tonight. Stay clear, because now he won’t.” “Don’t worry, I know how to handle myself.” He arches an eyebrow at me, questioning me. He thinks he knows all my troubles, that seeing me with Mick has somehow told him everything he needs to know. It hasn’t. I start to close down the bar, Simon ends up leaving just as I turn off the lights. He waves goodbye, and I click the lock of the door behind him. After carrying out the rest of closing—till, cleaning—I leave out the back door. A figure stands there, in the shadows of the dark, when I walk out. I can’t make out who it is, but I know it’s not Mick. “I have pepper spray.” I reach into my bag, gripping the bottle tightly with my hand. The person steps forward, and my heart beats loudly. I want to run, knowing I shouldn’t. He would catch me anyway. “I know you…” His voice is soft, not hard. I shake my head in an unanswered no. He steps another foot closer so I can see him clearer. “I do know you. And who you’re with.” My mind runs, trying to think of who he is. I can’t recall. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shake my head, his eyes harden on me. “I’m warning you only once. If he gets hurt, I will hunt you all down, one by one, and it won’t be pleasant.” My head keeps on shaking, I believe every word he has to say. He would kill everyone I know, everyone I love. And I can tell that he wouldn’t blink twice. I watch as he walks away, quietly, the way he came out of the dark. I wonder where I know him from. How he knows me? But I can’t pinpoint it. He looks dangerous, his nearness scares me like no other.

A new night, yet same as any other. At first, I think he may not come in, it would be a first. That maybe since speaking to the person who’s serving him his own demons, he doesn’t want to be associated with me anymore. Simon sits in front of me, his beer clutched in his hand as he watches the sports on the television. A few people are in tonight, it’s just not as busy as the weekends. It gives me more time to clean. I begin by bringing all the expensive alcohol down, wiping them over and the shelves. I’m half way through when I hear a wolf whistle. I turn on the stool I’m standing on and see him sitting in the exact same spot he was in last night, with that man. Gazing around to make sure he’s alone, I don’t want to deal with that man again, don’t want to be near him again. “The things I would do to that ass,” he says swaying his head. “The things I would do to that mouth if it were legal,” I reply dryly, jumping down from the stool. “Don’t make promises, you can’t keep,” he says. I don’t even reply acknowledging that retort, there’s no use. I hold up the bottle of his usual alcohol, he nods his head, then I pour him a glass and hand it to him. His fingers touch mine, the first contact I’ve ever had with him. They’re rough, hard. Unlike the hands of the man who touches me. I pull my hand away fast like it’s on fire. He notices and smiles as if he meant to do it. He probably did. “What time ya get off?” he asks, putting the glass to his lips. I ignore him, and he repeats the question. “What time ya get off?” “Too late for you.” “Never too late, sweetheart.” I want to tell him not to call me that. I choose to ignore him and go back to the counter to clean. He doesn’t speak again while I clean, but when I turn, his hands are fisted. He’s lost in that world where he goes to, his eyebrows are scrunched so close they almost look like one. His stare is off like it’s a thousand miles away. I feel sorry for him, I don’t know why. Stepping over, I pour him another drink. Sliding it in front of him, I touch his hand, bringing him back from wherever he’s been to. He looks me dead in the eyes, and I watch as the realization hits him, that he’s out of wherever he was. He nods his head and pushes the empty glass my way, taking hold of the other one, trapping my hand in his. “Your hands are petals,” he says, his finger skimming the outside of my hand. “Yours are rough,” I tell him, pulling it back. “Just like their owners,” he says looking down. I don’t talk to him again for the rest of the night. He leaves later, when I turn around he’s walking out the door.

He walks in, his head is held down as he steps over to his spot again the next night. I watch the way his legs move in his dark pants, the way the black shirt clings to his body. It’s not tight, but with each movement, I catch it adhering to his skin. He’s one very good looking man, and bad, very bad.

“Same?” I ask him while grabbing the bottle. He nods his head, pulls a phone out and places it on the bench. I’ve never seen him with a phone. Usually, it’s just him and his money. “You work every night, sweetheart?” There’s that word again. I nod my head at him. “You don’t like me?” he asks with a smile. “Afraid… possibly?” He guesses, but he’s right. “Bingo,” he says as my hand reaches out and drops the glass in front of him. “I like them afraid, it’s more fun that way. Wouldn’t you agree?” “Don’t you have other people to bother? Possibly some friends?” “Now, now, that’s not very hospitable of you, considering you’re in hospitality.” “I’m not a lot of things,” I say wondering why I’m still standing here talking to him. I should walk away. Except, I like the way he speaks. He’s refreshing, honest, no very honest, and sexy. I leave to serve someone else, and when I turn to serve him, he’s gone.

I awake to a hand sliding up my leg, my very naked leg, which was not naked when I went to bed. I open my eyes and notice him hovering over me. Mick’s looking at me like I’m his next meal. Maybe I am. His tongue darts out, licking my stomach. I twist to escape him, but he’s fast and captures my leg, holding me in place. His eyes go hard when they look at me. “What are you doing, Addy?” His voice sounds threatening, demanding, hard. I shake my head at him. “I can’t. It’s that time of the month.” His hand lifts fast like I’m a disease. He hates that time of the month, and I wonder when he will realize it always changes to suit me. He sits up on the edge of the bed, runs his hands through his short blond hair and glares at me. “If you can’t give me what I want when I need it, Addy, I will be going somewhere else.” I want to tell him to do so. Plus, I know he already is. I’m not blind to him, I know he’s sleeping with other women. I can smell it on him, see the lipstick stains. “It’s not my fault,” I lie, standing up and pulling my shirt down, so he won’t second guess me. “It better be gone by tomorrow. I need to fuck, Addy. You’re meant to fuck me, I am your fucking man.” I place a hand on his shoulder, lean down and kiss his cheek. It’s natural now, an attempt to keep him calm. I don’t need my apartment damaged again just because I won’t fuck him. I don’t even want him. “I can’t control when I bleed.” He stands, and when he does so he towers over me. His brown eyes, similar to mine, bore into me. “Go to the doctors and get it fixed. We don’t need kids fucking up that sweet body.” I go to tell him he’s crazy, but I manage to hold my mouth closed. I want kids, someday. But not with him, never. He doesn’t stay. If I don’t give him what he wants, there’s no need for me. He doesn’t say another word when he walks out, just slams the door behind him. I lock the front door straight after he leaves, hoping he won’t come back. I don’t have to work till

tonight, and instead of sleeping all day like I’d planned to do before he showed up, I decide to go shopping.

Can you tell when someone is following you? I’ve never had someone follow me, but I know the guy who’s tailing me through the fruit markets is not looking at the veggies. No, he is watching me. He’s been following me for at least fifteen minutes. At first, I thought he may have been lost, and was just watching everything. But the more steps I take away from him, the more he closes the space and that’s when I know he’s tailing me. For what, I have no idea. I’m dressed in sweatpants, a jacket, and have my running shoes on. I walked here—I’m not a runner, my thighs tell me so every time I attempt to run. I manage to stop at an apple stand at the corner of the market, one which leads back to the main street. I look up to him, he averts his eyes. God, he’s shit at keeping a disguise. When he picks up a piece of fruit, trying not to be obvious, I run down the side of the market straight into the main street. People are out, walking around, shopping. I run further down, closer to where I live, my breasts are jiggling like it’s nobody’s business, my thighs are rubbing together through my sweat pants, and I’m out of breath. Fuck! Maybe I should get in shape? I make it to my front door and manage to get it unlocked and slam the door shut in quick time, locking and barricading it with my couch. My heart races, I can feel it beating inside my chest. I bend over and try to calm my breaths, my palms are sweating, and so is my face. I can’t stand any longer, so I lean back and sit on the couch, because if I stay there a moment longer I may drop to the floor in front of me. I wonder what I should do. I wonder if he managed to follow me home. Fuck! He probably already knows where I live, if he knew where I’d be on a Sunday. “What…” Mick barks into the phone. I had to call him, I have no other choice. “Someone was following me,” I manage to get out in-between breaths. Shit! I should really start running, or even walking further. Well, really, any type of exercise would be good. “What? Where?” He can be so dense sometimes. “At the market. Some man was following me. Are you even listening to me?” I hear his huff on the phone, then I listen to some yelling. “Stay at your house. Someone must have followed me there. A man will be coming to get you. Go with him. If you choose not to, which you can, you may be killed.” If I choose not to… What the actual fuck? “Get killed?” “Look, Addy, I don’t have time to babysit you. I have bigger fish to fry. I’ll send someone. Just don’t fuck him off, I need his connections. Plus, remember, you have a job to do, it will all fall in place soon.” “Do you even care?” I don’t know why I asked, I know the answer. I’m just pussy to him.

“God! I don’t care enough to stop what I’m doing now.” I hear a giggle in the background. Fucking prick. I hang up on him. What’s the point of arguing? I sit in the same spot on my couch for over an hour. That’s when the hard knock comes on the door and I automatically jump high, dropping to the floor. I don’t move as the knock pounds and rattles the door again. “Last chance…” the voice mutters. I still don’t move. Why would I? Last chance sounds more like a death wish. “Woman, I have places to be, people to fuck. Seriously, I am not going to be playing babysitter all day long behind the fucking door.” That voice doesn’t sound like it wants to kill me. Actually, it sounds like the last place on earth it wants to be is here. I push myself up off the floor and slowly move the couch backward. I attempt to unlock the front door, but then decide I should, at least, have a weapon in case it’s a deranged killer. I grab the first thing I see—the frying pan—and hold it behind the door when I unclip the first lock. I almost laugh when I see the person, scratching their junk looking bored as fuck. “You,” I hiss. “You…” he smiles, then pushes the door open. I let him because I’m too stunned to do otherwise. He takes a step forward and laughs when he sees me. I look at my hand where he’s pointing and laughing and bring it up to my chest. “You gonna hit me with that, sweetheart?” He’s mocking me, the bastard. “I’m contemplating it.” He walks further inside and shuts the door behind him with his foot. He’s so close, and he smells so good. Cocking his head to the side, he watches me. “I can’t believe it’s you. You can hardly protect yourself, let alone someone else. Actually, possibly, a bottle of bourbon you would protect with your life.” “I have many hidden talents,” he says stepping into my personal space, too close. I take a step back, he takes a step forward, and then I bring the frypan up between us. His eyebrow lifts, as his hand covers mine. “You should go,” I say nodding my head toward the door. “But it’s just become so much fun. Think about it… you and me, locked away in a hidden cabin for days on end. The fun we could have…” HHell no! My head shakes fast back and forth in slow motion, but he just smiles. “Not happening.” “But it is. It so is.” He moves fast, the pain is gone, my body pulled up flush against his. I didn’t even see it coming. I push on his chest. “Don’t you have a woman to fuck?” He releases me just slightly, and I manage to pull away from his hard chest, only to have his hand stay on my hip. “I just found one.” His smirk doesn’t leave his face. “Oh, like hell. You and me…” I wave my finger between us, “…sooo not happening.” His hand drops from my hip, he looks around my small apartment. “You and Mick a thing?” he asks picking Mick’s jacket up from the bench.

“Yes.” My voice is weak, and he picks up on that straight away. His eyebrows raise, but he doesn’t question it. “Did he send you?” He nods his head, walking over to the fridge and opening it. “Do you work for him?” He ignores me and moves things around till he finds the beer hidden in the back. I watch as he pulls one out and taps the lip on the countertop to open it. “I don’t work for no one,” he finally says, pulling the beer away from his lips after taking a number of gulps. That doesn’t make any sense. “Well, why are you here?” “I owe a favor.” “Favor?” I repeat in a mumble. “Yes, a favor. I didn’t want to. That was until I saw who it was.” Both our eyebrows raise. “Someone was following me.” He tenses and drops the now empty beer bottle into the sink. “Get your shit. We’re leaving.” “Where are we going?” He shakes his head. “What’s with all the questions? No… thank you for coming to save my ass?” “Yeah, not happening.” I shrug walking away to my room.



CHAPTER 7 JAKE What a surprise. What a surprise indeed. I didn’t plan to owe Mick a favor. I was hoping whoever he wanted me to check up on had either run, like a smart person, or was dead. So I could go back to bed because I so didn’t want to leave that fucker after drinking all night. Then she opened the door, she gasped, her face paled and she raised a hand over her heart in a mixture of shock and fear. Not from me, but from something else. I’ve been visiting that bar, not drinking myself into oblivion because I like the way she looks at me like I’m a person. Like she could kick me if she wanted to. I like her, that’s going to be an issue. I didn’t expect a girl like her to be with a guy like Mick. He’s a royal prick, and that’s saying something if I think he’s a prick. I wonder if she knows he’s fucking some bird right now. I wonder if that would upset her enough for her to fall into my arms so I could get a taste. She doesn’t seem like the kind of girl who’d just have a one-night stand, and that’s all I want—to fuck, leave and remove her from me. If that’s even possible. She walks out, now in jeans so tight they hug every inch of her lower body. Her ass sumptuous, her thighs begging to be spread. Fuck! I just need a fuck I tell myself as I run my hand through my hair. Yep, that’s all I need, a fuck. Preferably from her. “Where are you taking me?” “Home.” She doesn’t say another word as she follows me out the door, and I wonder if it’s the smart thing to do to take her there.

I don’t know why I took her back to this place, I don’t even know why I’m here. It’s the last place I want to be, but it’s the safest. Someone wouldn’t be stupid enough to enter here, to take what’s mine. It’s been months since I’ve been back, months since I’ve seen everyone. When they hear me pull up, I watch them walk out, guns in hand and at the ready. Addy looks ahead, eyes wide. Her hands cling with white knuckles to her bag like it’s a lifeline. I’m not the kind of person to reassure, or to make them more fearless than what they should. I’m also not a person that would save them, I won’t. I’m just not that person. “Where are we?” Her voice is shaky. I don’t answer her, I climb out of the car, leaving her sitting where she is and proceed to the door and walk into the guys inside. Buddy is my vice president. He grabs my hand and pulls me in for a tight hug, smacking my back then pulling away nodding his head toward the car through the window. “Who’s the chick?” I turn back to see her slouched down in her seat peeking up at us through her

sunglasses. “I owe a favor.” Buddy shakes his head. “To who?” “Mick,” I say running my hand through my hair. I don’t like the bastard, but a deal is a deal. “Last one… I hope. I fucking hate that prick.” Buddy is a straight forward guy. He’ll tell you if he hates you, and he’ll speak to you if he likes you. “Yep.” “You gonna leave her in that car?” I planned to until I want her. And right now I don’t want her near me. I want to be alone. I want to drown my sorrows at the bottom of a bottle of bourbon and forget everything. She’s still slouched over when I reach her door, she turns to watch me, when I pull it open. Then she doesn’t move—I wonder if she even blinks. “I want to go home,” she finally speaks. “You want to risk getting tortured or killed?” I raise my eyebrows as she turns to look at the men standing around, still out the front, all waiting with guns in their hands. “Or… you could get your ass out of this car. Stand on your own two feet, and come inside. Your choice, sweetheart.” “Don’t call me, sweetheart,” she sneers at me grabbing her bag and pulling herself from the car. The guys stand there and watch her. She follows me closely, I can hear her footsteps right behind me, her heavy breathing just inches away from my neck. The men follow us with their eyes. Women don’t come here, only the wives live here. Unless of course, it’s for obvious reasons—to fuck. Yes, Rose has been here, several times. She’s welcomed by all the men. They know all about her, know how I feel about her, even before I did. She follows me up the stairs, and I stop wondering where to actually put her. Do I place her in the hooker room? The one where the men throw their women when they’re finished with them? Or in my room, the one I haven’t been in for months? I decide on the hooker room—it has a bed, shower, toilet, and television. “Whose room is this?” she asks as I push the door open and wave my hand for her to enter. “The hooker room.” Her mouth gapes open. “Hooker room?” she questions after she picks her jaw up off the ground. “Yes.” “Is it clean? Will I catch anything?” I look into the room, the bedding is usually changed once a week, and you can tell if it’s clean because the bed is made. “It’s clean.” “I don’t want to stay here.” She shakes her head and backs away into the wall opposite to the door. “The only way you’re not staying in this room is if you are fucking a member.” “I am not fucking any of you,” she basically spits the words out. “The room is all yours,” I say walking away to go to my room. When I enter, nothing has changed, it’s exactly as I left it. The bottle I was drinking from still sits on the floor near my bed, the clothes I was wearing are hanging from the seat at my table, the bed unmade.

I don’t want to be back. I want time, I want to swallow my demons. I don’t move anything as I lay on the bed. What’s the point, I don’t like to clean, my room is a testament to that fact. So when I lay down and close my eyes, I wonder why everything goes white.

Finally waking when it’s dark, my phone is singing loudly in my pocket. I grab it without looking at who it is and place it to my ear. “Why is she calling me, Jake?” “What?” I say rubbing my eyes, sitting up. “She hasn’t stopped fucking calling me. You were meant to take her away, not give her access to a fucking phone so she could annoy the shit out of me. Fuck! Just send her back and let herself get killed. I don’t give a fuck!” “This is your only, and last, favor. You want to throw it away?” I question him. He’s silent for a second before he speaks. “Fuck! She doesn’t even put out anymore. I don’t care what the fuck you do with her, send her home, fuck her, I don’t care.” He hangs up the phone, and I walk out the door straight to the hooker room. Pushing the door open, I don’t find her in there. I hear laughter coming from downstairs and follow the sounds. I stop when I enter the kitchen, she’s cooking. Buddy’s wife is standing next to her laughing along with her. Her face is beautiful when she smiles, the sides of her cheeks crinkle full of happiness. She stops, and I realize she’s caught me staring. “Where’s the phone?” Her eyes go wide, and she drops the spatula in her hand. Buddy’s wife, Rochelle, looks at her. “She needed to call her boyfriend,” Rochelle defends her. I shake my head. Rochelle walks out of the kitchen, picking up her phone on the counter as she goes. “Why did she leave?” she asks watching Rochelle. Rochelle is the complete opposite of Buddy. Where he’s over six-foot-tall, Rochelle just pushes five foot. She’s kind, very unlike Buddy, but she doesn’t take his shit and above all she listens. “Do not touch a phone again!” She crosses her arms over chest, the flour she was cooking with lands over her breast leaving a mark from her hand. “I haven’t heard from him.” I shake my head. She seems to care, where he doesn’t give two shits. “Look, you’re a fuck, nothing more. Do not call him again. Unless you want him to send whoever it is straight to you.” “He would never…” Her head shakes. “He would. What? You thought you were somehow special? You thought he actually cared? Let’s get something straight, he doesn’t, and you’re pushing it with me, too. You have a nice ass, great tits, and a pretty face that I would like to stick my dick in, but right now, I’m ready to give you to him. And trust me when I say, it’s me you’d rather be with than him.” I don’t wait for a reaction as I walk off, away from her.



CHAPTER 8 ADDY The music is blaring, I hear it from the room I’m in. Girls are screaming, men cheering, so I cover my ears with my hands. I should be working, in a bar, serving my regular customers. Instead, I’m here listening to a party downstairs, and it’s the last thing I want to be doing. I thought before, when Rochelle was nice to me, that I could possibly survive here for a bit—short term, long enough for all this to be over. Then he came down, spoke to me like I was shit and he ruined everything. It made me want to go back home, to live or to die. I’m not someone who normally is such a push over, who would even let a man like Mick treat me the way he does. I sometimes wonder why I allow it? Is it really worth it? I have a job to do with him. Otherwise, I don’t think I would give him anything he wanted, or even be near him. The door to the room swings open, a few girls walk in, drinks and drugs in hand. They don’t even care that I’m sitting here. One tries to even pass me her drink, but I turn away. I’m not being rude, but I don’t want to accept anything either. They giggle and I listen to what they have to say. “Did you see him?” She fans her face with her hand, she’s completely wasted. “I did. I can’t believe he came back.” “I know, I’m so hitting that tonight.” They snort their drugs then stand and walk back towards the door. Is this the room they come to do that shit? Why would he put me in here knowing what they do? I want to ring Mick again, I want him to come and pick me up. I’m not cut out for any of this. Why am I even doing it? I walk down the stairs, following the girls, stopping at the bottom and take in the view that they’ve just walked into. There’s an open bar. The bar is in the shed. It’s wide open, just outside there’s also a fire pit. All the men that walked out front when I first arrived are sitting around it. I recognize Rochelle sitting on her husband’s lap straight away, next to them is the douche who brought me here. I didn’t realize it before, but I don’t even know his name. Rochelle referred to him as Pres, so has everyone else that’s here. How have I skipped over such an important fact? I’ve seen him around for months, literally. Some weeks he would come in five days a week. Not once did I care to ask him his name. He’s hot, he has that bad boy, good-looking vibe going on. He also has that I-don’t-want-company look. So I never gave it to him—I served him, I took his money, then I would watch as he left. A girl is on his lap, she’s whispering in his ear, he isn’t paying her much attention, though. No, his attention is stuck on the beer bottle in hand, his eyes are doing that same thing, they’re vacant. It’s the same stare that he would do at the bar. I step right up to him, the girl not even noticing I’m basically standing over her. Her face is in the crook of his neck. I snap my fingers in front of his face, while feeling the stares of the others on me. I attempt to not look to them as I try to gain his attention.

“Yo…” one says. I continue to flick. He isn’t even looking just staring into space. “Yo…” the guy repeats. I feel someone come up behind me, a hand touches me on my hip and I freak. He pulls me into him, my body goes as still as a statue, then I click that someone’s touching me. My mind catches up with my reflexes—the ones I remember from years of training—and I turn too fast for him to realize, my palm connecting hard with the end of his nose. I feel it crack under the pressure of my hand. Another hand pulls at my arm. I drop my body and swing, knocking the legs out from under that person. Then I hear a click and feel the cold steel barrel of a gun at my head. The heavy breathing of the person who has the gun registers in my ears. Counting to three slowly in my head while waiting to see what this person’s intentions are, my right-hand flies up and snaps his hand, just below the wrist and my left hand snatches the gun. Precision movements, quick and sleek. Swiftly, I turn the gun on him. Upon noticing it’s Rochelle’s husband, I curse myself. Fuck! “Woah…” a voice comes from behind me. I don’t turn, I’m too afraid of taking my eyes off the man in front of me. The one who looks ready to tear me to pieces, gun in hand or not. I hear a laugh and know that voice instantly. “Sweetheart, tell me about your moves.” Anger swoops in before I realize what I’m doing. I turn to aim the gun at his face, but he just laughs right in front of me. Bastard. “Are your moves only outside of the bedroom?” The cheek of him, a gun in his face, and he’s cracking jokes, albeit bad ones. I close my eyes and realize the moment I did, it was wrong. I should never underestimate him. He does the exact same thing, snatching the gun from my hand. Except his hand doesn’t snap my wrist to remove the gun, he holds it and pulls me into his chest—one hand wrapped around me, the other holding his gun. He runs the pistol along my back, laughter bellows in his chest. “I like your moves, sweetheart.” I push on him and he laughs again. He holds me close and not letting me move. All noise around us has stopped. I turn my head to the side, the men I can see have guns pointed at us. Well, no, at me. I feel him nod his head, and the men lower their guns. He drags me when he takes a step forward, and then releases me from his vice grip. He catches my upper arm, pulling me along with him as he walks past everyone. They part ways to let us through, and he takes me back the same way I came down. I tug my arm, trying to free myself. I’m not going back into that room. No, way in hell. He stops when we reach the stairs, my feet firmly in place, and turns back to look at me. “I’m not going back to that room. I’m not sleeping in that room. I’m not staying in that drug room another minute.” His mouth twitches upward, and he pulls me again. I attempt to stay put, my free hand grabs hold of the railing to keep myself there. He chuckles and in one quick swoop, I’m lifted from the floor and thrown over his back. He takes the stairs two at a time, and we reach the top fast. He sweeps straight past the door I don’t want to stay in, instead continues directly to the end of the hall. He kicks the door open, and walks a few steps and throws me on my back to the bed.

“I planned to get laid tonight.” He shakes his head and turns away from me, and reaches for a bottle. He drinks way too much. I shrug my shoulders. “You ain’t in the mood to put out are ya?” My mouth drops open, I scoot to the end of the bed away from him. He shrugs his shoulders. “Worth a shot.” “Is all you do is drink?” He sits down on the bed and kicks his boots off. “Pretty much…” he pauses then turns to me, “…and fuck. I’m pretty good. Got mad skills in the bed. Wanna try them out?” “Oh my God, do you stop? I am not sleeping with you!” “Well, technically you will be since you refuse to stay in that bedroom. And considering there’s nowhere else… you’ll be in mine. And I’m gonna tell you now, women who stay in my bed tend to wake up happy.” He winks then slowly pulls off his cut. “I would stay clear of my men, too. You pull that shit again, I ain’t saving ya from a bullet to the back of your head.” “They would shoot me?” “You don’t want to talk about how women wake up happy in my bed in the morning?” My face scrunches up in a frown. He can’t be serious. “Yes! Yes, they would,” he finally answers me. “Oh, and I sleep naked.” He winks pulling his shirt off. I don’t do anything but watch, his chest is scarred, so is his back. I’ve noticed the scars on his face, the lines around his mouth, they just add to his appeal. Though now, I see the scars riddled over his body. I wonder what caused them all? He doesn’t pay my staring any attention, and then so quick, his pants are gone, and there’s a semi-hard dick in my face—literally in my face. “Cover up,” I screech screening my eyes with my hand. I hear his laughter and slowly pull my hand away. How could I not? He is drool-worthy, that’s for sure. Just a cocky asshole as well. “No can do, sweetheart. My bed, my rules.” He walks to the door and slams it shut, his ass tight and it tenses with each movement he makes. He catches me watching him when he walks back to the bed, his eyes twinkling with delight. I stay seated, unable to move. I’ve never been around someone like him before. “I don’t even know your name.” I pull the covers back, staying seated at the end of the bed. “Does it matter?” “Yes, I would like to know your name.” “Jake. Now that we have the formalities out the way… we having sex? If not, shut up so I can pass out.” Jake—it suits him. I stand and remove my shoes but stay fully clothed. His eyes are closed when I turn to look at him. I slip into his bed, and he flicks a light switch, encasing us in darkness.



CHAPTER 9 JAKE She’s still asleep when I open my eyes the next morning. Her curls cover her face, and her legs are bare. She must have removed her pants during the night. Wish I knew about that. My cock is hard. I would like to say it’s from early morning wood, except it’s not. It’s from her and her sweet as fuck body, and her smell that has encased me all night. I woke up half way through the night with my face in her hair. I shouldn’t have let her stay here, I should have told her to remain where the fuck she was. Standing, I pull my pants on, not bothering with a shirt and walk out. Buddy’s waiting at my door, his arms crossed over his chest. He looks in to see Addy sleeping and shakes his head then walks away. “She needs to leave…” he says once we reach the kitchen. His wife kisses his cheek and walks away, leaving us with breakfast so we can talk. “Don’t tell me what needs to happen.” He sits up straight, dropping the fork onto his plate with a clang. “She’s too much of a risk. How do you not see that?” “Why is she a risk?” He picks up his fork again, and takes a bite of his bacon before he answers, “For starters, she makes you blind. Then there’s that little move last night. Where do you think she picked that up from? You think she’s innocent?” “She’s a favor, nothing more, stop reading shit into things. I know how to handle myself.” He laughs at me, and it’s not a genuine laugh, it’s an you’re an idiot laugh. “You have a guest by the way, I’ve left him out the front.” “Who?” “Your girlfriend’s boyfriend.” He smiles and shakes his head as he walks away. I grab the juice and drink it before I step outside. Once I get there, Mick’s pacing the front lawn. He stops when he sees me, his eyes roam my body before he stalks towards me. “I thought you could contain her? Obviously, you can’t.” He shakes his head. “Where is she? I’ll take her back to her fucking place, and she can die for all I fucking care.” “Why are you here, Mick?” He gives me a shocked look like I should believe every word that flies from his disgusting mouth. I have a skill, I can pick bullshit up from miles away. Part of the reason my father never killed me. “I just told ya.” “You spewed some shit to me, Mick. Now tell me why you want her?”

“I didn’t ask you to be her bodyguard, I simply asked you to watch her. This is not something you want to be messed up with. We all know how fucked up you get when you interfere.” In two steps I have him by the collar of his shirt and a knife to his neck. His eyes go wide when he feels the cold steel of the blade against his skin. I pull his face close and then whisper in his ear, “Things might happen to me, Mick. But who do you think is left standing?” Dropping the knife and taking a step back, he shivers when I pull back. He twitches where he stands, runs his hands down his jeans and stands tall. “She’s worth a lot of money… to me. If I didn’t need her for that money, I wouldn’t care what happens to her. She needs to stay alive for a few more days.” “You’re using her?” He nods his head. “And fucking her?” His lip twitches on one side. “She never puts out anymore, greedy bitch,” he sneers, and it makes me want to smack him for her. “Tell her I need to go. Now.” I leave him standing where he is. He tries to follow me, but two of my boys step in front, stopping him from walking any further. He puts his hands up in surrender. I take the steps upstairs to my room two at a time. When I open the door she’s asleep on my side of the bed, hair everywhere, legs just covered by the sheet. I slam the door shut, shocking her into opening her eyes. She looks at me, rubs her eyes then she sits up. “Your bed is like heaven.” Her voice is darker in the mornings, and I have to contain myself from wanting to climb in with her. “Your boyfriend’s downstairs.” Her eyebrows scrunch before she stands and pulls her pants on. I watch as she does, enjoying the show. I really need to get laid. Need to fuck her out of my system. “Thank God, I can go home.” I shake my head, and she stops and looks at me. “What?” “He’s using you. Did you know that?” I take a step in her direction. “He’s not, I hardly give him sex.” She shakes her head. “Nope, something to do with money, keeping you alive and unharmed for a few more days…” Her eyes go wide, and her hand flies to her stomach. “Are you pregnant?” Her hand drops away. “Of course not, you idiot.” “I’m the idiot? Don’t you think that shoe is on your foot?” She reaches for one of my shoes and throws it at me. I catch it before it hits me in the face, but I miss the second one that lands right in my eye. “You don’t understand.” I don’t even understand her words at first until I finish rubbing my eye and taking them in. Stupid bitch.

“Go to your man, if you think that’s the right thing for you to do. Instead of staying here… go.” “What am I meant to do? Stay here with you? You and your men hate me. I’d be better off with a man that pretends he likes having my company.” Her hands fly around, and she starts speaking really fast but in a different language. I shake my head. What the fuck is she saying? I grab her face with both hands, stopping her from speaking. “You can stay alive by staying here. My men won’t hurt you. I can’t guarantee Mick will though.” She starts again—in another language. She’s speaking like I should understand every word she’s saying, but I don’t. “English, Addy. Speak friggin’ English.” “Sorry,” she murmurs. “He’s out front?” she asks finally in English. I remove my hands and nod my head. She walks straight out the front door not looking back.



CHAPTER 10 ADDY Kissing is such a primal act, it’s a declaration of ‘your mine,’ I will possess you. But kisses can be bad, too. Sometimes they don’t have that spark you want, that touch, that grab, that feel. I want that. I want someone to grab me roughly, slide their hands down my body and grip my hips tight, one hand in my hair while the other slides slowly to my ass. Then melt as his lips claim mine in such a possession that it leaves you breathless. So much so that you feel or sense nothing else but that kiss. A kiss that takes your soul to an underground so deep it grips and holds you hard. And the way his hands are on me now, his lips so wet, his tongue so wet. It makes me sick, and I want to pull away except I can’t. He doesn’t like it when I do that. I don’t even kiss him back, all I can think about is what Jake said. That he’s using me. I think I knew that deep down inside. I just wanted to ignore it. Jake doesn’t want me to, he’s pushing me to see it, pushing me to know that it’s all kinds of wrong. He pulls back when I don’t respond and runs his hand along my cheek. “Time to come home.” HHHe turns and grabs my hand, pulling me along with him. I stop, tugging my hand back from his grasp. He stops and his face scrunches in anger, he doesn’t like when I disobey him. “Addy… now.” His voice is stern, like how a father would speak to their naughty child. I’m not his child, though. “I’m going to stay here.” Shaking his head, his hand reaches into his pocket. He pulls out his phone and taps something then pushes it back. “That’s not a smart idea, Addy. You should know that. That man won’t help you.” He points toward Jake. I look back, expecting him to be there, but he isn’t. No one is, even the men that were standing out the front have gone inside the clubhouse, leaving me here by myself with Mick. “He isn’t using me.” I take a step back, his face reddens, anger fumes all around him. “What did he tell you? He’s lying. Who are you going to believe, someone you’ve known for a few days, or me?” I want to scream at him. Jake, even though he doesn’t have my full trust, he has more of it than Mick ever will. He takes my silence as my answer and steps up close to me, his face in my face. “You step foot back in my town… you’ll regret it, Addy. Last chance. Remember you also have that job, don’t think you won’t be doing what I ask. You will be.” He places his hand out, offering it to me. I don’t take it. He shakes his head and walks off, climbing into his car and spinning his wheels. I watch the dirt and stones kick up as he drives off like a dickhead. Leaving me standing there watching him wondering if what I just did was smart or utterly stupid. I stroll back slowly to his room, not wanting to even think about staying in that whore’s room again. He’s on the bed, the phone glued to his ear when I enter. He looks up and keeps eye contact with me when he speaks. I get an idea of who he’s speaking to, the words, “you can’t have her,” he says keeping eye contact and, “over my dead body.” I can’t make out the whole conversation. But by the sound of it, it

doesn’t sound good. I wonder if I am stupid. I wonder if I just started a war with them, by me choosing to stay with him. I don’t know him. He’s an alcoholic, crazed with sex, he talks to me like all he wants is to fuck me. I stand there and watch him the same way he’s watching me. His chest is bare, and his body is completely covered in tattoos. His hands are even inked. His hair is long on top, and he sits there running his fingers through it pushing it all back. He has piercings everywhere. Even in places I didn’t need to see last night, though, couldn’t help but sneak a peek when he stripped. His physique is drool-worthy, which I find surprising with how much he drinks. How does he find the time to work out? He stands and walks to me, still with phone in hand. His free hand lifts, and I read the word "death” on his knuckles when he pulls one of the curls from my face. He shifts the phone from his ear, ending the call. One lip twitches and he twirls my curl in his finger. “That was him?” I manage to ask. He doesn’t answer, just nods his head. “Did he threaten you?” Another nod, no answer again. “I’m staying.” His lip twitches again. “I figured.” “In your room, not in that hooker room again.” I try to make a stand, act stronger than what I am. He drops my curl and steps back. “That’s fine. Just don’t stab me when I hump you in the middle of the night, or try to remove your clothes,” he retorts. “You could be a gentleman and sleep somewhere else.” “If you think I could be a gentleman, then you’re fooled, sweetheart.” His breath is on my ear, he moves so fast I don’t have time to react. “I. Am. The. Devil,” he says then steps past me walking back out the door. The same one I just came in. I stay there just staring, then hear him come back in. He throws my bag on the bed—his bed—then walks back out. I stay in the room until the door bursts open and a woman stands there. At first, I’m not sure if I should be worried that a woman is looking at me with anger until she smiles and turns back to Jake. I didn’t ask him if he had a girlfriend, I didn’t even think about it. He speaks to me like he doesn’t. He wouldn’t let me sleep in here if he had a girlfriend would he? “Come on. You’ve seen her. Now let’s just go.” She turns back to me and her smile is warm. “I am going to speak to this lovely man downstairs. Please come down in say… five minutes. That will be enough time for me to kick his ass,” she says turning away from me, grabbing his hand and pulling him along with her. I sit there for a good five minutes, and then do as she said and walk downstairs. When I get to the kitchen, they’re cuddling. Jake’s relaxed, his body not as tense as it always is. His shoulders sag, his hands wrap around her waist, his head in the nook of her neck. She hugs him back, rubbing his back with one hand while whispering to him. I see him nod his head. She spots me standing there, so she pulls away and smiles at me. Jake doesn’t turn straight away, she grabs his hand and squeezes then walks over to me. I stand there unsure of what I’m meant to do, or even what I just walked in on. “He does have manners, I swear he does. It just takes a while to get him under control.” She laughs holding out her hand.

“I’m not a dog,” Jake barks out behind her. Her head turns to him, her hand clasped in mine. “Could have fooled me, pretty boy.” She looks back to me and winks. “I’m Rose by the way.” “Addy,” I reply, dropping my hand from hers. I want to not like her, I want to say she has flaws so big that I don’t have to like her. The only problem is she doesn’t. Her smile is warm, her touch is soft. Plus, she’s beautiful. Her hair is long and blonde, her eyes kind and blue. And she cares for him. I watch as she walks back, her hand only slightly touching his arm, but it’s tender. It’s like you do to those you love to say it’s okay. She’s tender, I can see that without even knowing her. And the way Jake is with her is different to how he is with other women, even me. He watches her every move like he’s afraid she’s going to walk out right now and not come back. She pulls the bag up from the floor and starts unpacking veggies. Buddy walks in, stops when he sees me, and shakes his head. A scowl appears on his face then he walks further into the kitchen spotting Jake and Rose. He looks back to me and smirks slightly before turning back to them. “You… big man, you’ve been good to him haven’t you?” Rose jokes with Buddy, touching his arm slightly as she walks past him with vegetables in her hands. “Always Rose.” Jake scoffs and Buddy punches Jake in the gut causing him to cough. “Boys…” she reprimands with her head in the fridge, not even looking at them. She’s dressed in a pencil skirt and a button up shirt, looking like she just came in from work. “You met Jake’s new toy?” Buddy asks. I don’t like him. And he scares me. Rose turns and scrunches up her nose. “Buddy, does Jake call Rochelle your toy?” Jake coughs again, this time covering his laugh with it. Buddy lowers his head and shakes his head. I wonder why they act that way around her. She can’t be married to him, could she? “I have to go, Jake. Walk me out.” She steps over and wraps me in her arms as well. I don’t hug back, I just stand there and tap her on the back. She pulls back and smiles. “I’ll come back to get you out of here, maybe for some shopping.” She smiles and walks out, Jake stops in front of me. I think he’s going to say something then he shakes his head and follows her out the door, leaving me there wondering what the hell just happened.



CHAPTER 11 JAKE Rose stops at her car and looks past me to the clubhouse. I haven’t seen her in months. I’m waiting for my grilling from her, but it never comes. I don’t know how she knew I was back, I suspect it was Buddy. They all have a soft spot for Rose, and her children. Them being here so much in the days when Black wasn’t here, and seeing how broken she was, they treated her better than any other woman, even some of their own women. “I’ve missed you, Jake,” she says. Her eyes so clear and blue penetrate me. “I know.” “I meant what I said before. Do what you think is best for her. You, my darling, are one the kindest men I know. Even if you hide it. I see you, Jake Hammer, I see you.” When she wants to make a point, she pulls out the full name card. “I’m too fucked, Rose. Too fucked for all this.” She steps forward, a single tear leaving her eye. Her hand touches my cheek, her thumb stroking back and forth. “You aren’t, Jake. You just don’t see it, yet. Don’t let the past define you.” She kisses my cheek and walks away, and I stay exactly where I am watching her leave, and not moving. I stand there until the gravel dust has disbursed, and her car is nowhere to be seen. I don’t even hear Buddy come up and stand next to me. “You called her.” I watch him nod his head, without even giving him my full attention. “She promised me pie if I did. The damn pie was good, too.” I see him stuffing his face, then licking his fingers. I don’t even bother arguing with him. She would’ve come sooner or later, she tends to feed the men like children, even though most of their wives cook.

She isn’t in my room when I return. Her things are scattered over my bed—make-up, clothes—it’s like my bed has become her closet. I don’t even know what I’m meant to do with her. I know she isn’t a dog, someone I can train and have do what I need, but if she plans on staying here she has to chip in. Do something. Maybe I can convince her to ride my cock, for her fair share of living expenses. I like the sound of it, doubt she will, though. A knock breaks me away from my thoughts of her jumping up and down on my cock like a trampoline. I’m hard. Fuck her and her sweet ass. My gymnast is at my door in nothing but a slip—my usual fuck—a see-through slip at that. Her red hair is long and just covers her nipples. Her lips are red, and I’m already imagining the outline their going to leave around my cock before she even speaks. “I heard you were back. I came to play.” She winks at me.

Play, now that’s something I can do. All this worked up sexual tension, with some hot little… Fuck, what is she? She still hasn’t told me. Why haven’t I asked? “Did you?” I ask, stepping closer to the door, closer to her smell. She smells like flowers, like she’s bathed in them. She drops her head to the side, her lips pucker seductively, then she pulls on my pants. Pulling me closer to her. Her mouth goes to my ear, her tongue slides up my outer ear. “I came to be punished.” I don’t need to hear that twice. Stepping into her, I lift her up. Her legs, like a very good gymnast that this bitch is, wrap around my waist and hold on tight in a vice grip. I don’t tend to fuck the same woman more than three times. Once is fun, second is games, the third is goodbye. Cut the attachment off before it gets too bad. But Sora, well Sora’s like lying in a bed of roses. Everything’s soft and beautiful on the outside, then the inside she pricks and stabs you. That’s Sora. She fucks so well, but doesn’t care what I do when I fuck, she just eats it up like fucking cake. I take her straight to the hooker room. The door’s already open, and she kicks it closed with her foot as we enter. Then she slides down my body, dropping to her knees, taking my pants down with her nails. She looks up and licks her red lips, then in one swift moment, her mouth is around my cock, sucking like a mother fucking vacuum. Her hands squeeze my ass, digging her nails in deep and possibly leaving marks, which I like. The more battle scars, the better. I’m like a fucked up battle scared canvas. At least this one I can control. Others they were taken out of my control, but these I have full power over. And I like control. Whether it be pussy, guns, clubs, men. Anything—I like it. She stands when I pull her from me, dropping her slip to the floor. Then she lifts up the bed and pulls a knife and some rope from underneath it. She lays on the bed, spreading her legs, exposing her pussy for me to see. Her hands grab onto the bed posts at the end of the bed. I tie her first hand, pulling extra tight. If she struggles she’ll mark. Same with the second. Her legs lift up, spreading super wide, almost able to touch the edges of the bed if they were long enough. Gymnast I tell ya, she’s flexible as all fuck. My finger slides up her folds, her back arches up in pleasure. I slap her clit, full hand just so she can feel it inside her cunt as well. She jolts, her eyes glass over. Maybe she was made for me? She likes the fucked up things I do to her. She begs me for more, literally. I just wonder why I don’t beg for more with her. Yes, I could fuck her, and never get tired of it. Though after, I want her gone. I don’t want her hanging around, I don’t want her company. Maybe two fucked people just don’t blend well together, though they sure as shit fuck well together. I place the knife next to her head, she watches it with interest. I hold her legs that are already spread, before I slam into her, hard, soaking myself in her before I move. Then I pick up the knife and slice her belly, not enough to scar just enough to draw blood. She watches with interest, her belly so scarred from something else it brings her a fucked up pleasure that only fucked up people like us can understand. “More…” she screams. Sometimes I think she wants me to scar her, to run the knife a bit deeper but I never do. We both have too many unwanted scars, why add more. The fucked up thing, though, is sometimes I think the same thing. Maybe I should add my own scars, to balance out the hateful ones ridding my body. Maybe then, they won’t haunt me as much, and make me go to that place that’s nothing but white. Another cut, she grows wetter, tightening around me with each slide of the blade. I bring the knife to her neck, I don’t have to tell her what to do, we’ve played this game a number of times. Now it’s easy when it should never be. She gasps when the coolness of the edge of the blade touches her neck, loving the feel of it. Then I

hold it still, rocking my body, fucking her hard. Both our eyes are glued to the knife, her eyes shift to my hand, watching, seeing if maybe it might slip. Maybe it might be the final scar, the thrill, the rush of that knife only enlightens both of our pleasure. Soon, I drop the knife, pulling her legs over my head and fuck her till everything goes blank. I collapse next to her. She laughs then says, “Maybe next time.” I look up wondering what the fuck she’s talking about, and see Addy standing in the doorway, mouth wide open, watching both of us. Her eyes lock on mine, I see the fear in them, then she runs off towards my room. “Fuck!” I say, standing to grab my pants and pulling them up. “How much did she see?” Sora’s in her own happy place like she just smoked a shit load of fucking weed. It takes her a while to answer, having to repeat the question to her twice. “I think… everything. You know I love an audience.” I can’t be mad at her, we’ve had many people watching us before and I’ve never cared. She knows this, that’s why the look on her face shows amusement right now as she watches me. “You like her… and you fucked me?” I don’t even bother answering. Instead, I just shake my head and walk out, looking for Addy. Wondering what the fuck I’m meant to say to her. When in reality I should be asking why the fuck was she watching me fuck in the first place.



CHAPTER 12 ADDY I didn’t mean to stare, I didn’t intend or want to see him fuck another woman like that. What was it that they were doing? I was afraid. I thought he was going to kill her. My mouth was open ready to scream, but when I saw the lust in her eyes, the way she watched that blade at her throat, she was getting off on it. Why would someone get off on such a thing? I was there to grab my toiletries that were left at the end of the bed when I was given that room to sleep in. And as soon as I opened the door, and saw that, my feet were fixed to the floor and I was incapable of movement. The look on his face, the way his face tightened, then the next moment he was gone. Pure bliss overtook him. It was like a game, a very sexual, very dangerous game, that I couldn’t help but watch. Though, I wanted to run after observing it. I locked his bedroom door when I entered. He didn’t see me, but she did. I hear his heavy footsteps coming down the hall. I know it’s him. The doorknob wiggles unable to move. He bangs on it once. I sit on the bed, watching it like he has a key and is ready to pounce. “Open this door, Addy.” His voice echoes through, but I choose to ignore him and stay where I am. He bangs again, then it goes silent. I hear his footsteps retreat, and wonder what the fuck I’m going to do? But more importantly, where the fuck am I going to go? My thoughts are interrupted with the window sliding up, then up pops Jake’s head, like a Jack in the Box. He smirks when he pulls himself through the window and drops to the floor. “Did you just climb two stories to the window?” He wipes the dirt away from his pants and looks up at me with a wide grin. “No. Don’t you know, I’m motherfucking Superman. I flew up that bitch.” He walks to me and I push back, so I’m at the end of the bed. He stops when he sees me scoot away. “You scared of me now, sweetheart?” I want to swipe that name from his vocabulary, I hate it. “Is that something you enjoy?” His smile is evil. “Enjoy? Well… you could say that. Though, I tend to do more than enjoy it.” He winks walking closer to me. “What’s wrong with you?” He stops mid-step, his face hardens, and I know I won’t like the next words that leave his mouth. “Addy…” he says, his voice low, “…you’re a princess. You do not understand pain, torture, scars so deep they leave their mark. You can’t erase that mark, Addy. You either live with it or embrace the shit out of it. I’ve embraced it. I made the pain, the torture, my bitch, and I won every fucking ounce of it. So before you go jumping on your high horse and become a judgmental bitch, think about that and slow your fucking horse down.” I stand there in shock, complete and utter shock. He’s watching me now, waiting for a reaction. I have many, floating around, I just don’t want speak.

“That’s your kick?” He nods his head. “Why not normal sex? A lot of people have normal sex. Why can’t you?” “Normal and me, we aren’t acquainted. I’m the ice that gives you frostbite, that will burn if you touch me long enough. I’m not the sun that shines brightly. I burn, even in the beauty.” I go to speak, to tell him he’s wrong, and that he doesn’t burn. I don’t know much about him, except I know he doesn’t burn.

A week flies by before I even realize it. I stay in the room, hardly ever leaving unless I hear the rev of motorbikes and go to explore. I’ve learned a few things by being nosey. Jake’s the head honcho, the president of this club. All the men respect him, the wives respect him. Not so much me. Rochelle is the only outsider I talk to apart from Jake. Jake comes in late every night, not saying a word as he strips his clothes off and climbs into bed. Some nights he’ll ask me what I’ve been doing, and I’ll tell him what I saw. What I sneaked into. He usually laughs at me, tells me I’m welcome to look anywhere. I don’t get that vibe from Buddy, though. He stares if I leave the room, always conscious of what I’m doing, where I’m going. So I tend to stay in the room, playing cards, playing stupid Clash of Clans on the phone which is highly addictive I might add. Sometimes he falls asleep listening to me speak, I turn and he’ll be asleep. He’s a scary sleeper, his eyes slightly open, no noise leaving his mouth. Just deep long breaths is how I can tell he’s sleeping. I like to watch him sleep, it’s the only time his face is expressionless. It just relaxes. So unlike him, he’s always joking, slinging crude comments, trying to sleep with me. He still scares me. That won’t change, I don’t think it ever will. His bedroom skills scare me the most. Especially, because I’m liking him, more and more with each day that passes. He isn’t as much of a prick as I thought him to be. He’s actually very caring. He just hides it extremely well. I saw the way he was that day with Rose, he was tender, and he cared about what she thought. He seems to be caring for me too, I think. He walks into the room, his shirt dirty from doing work around the clubhouse. I’ve been watching from the window, watching as he mows, chops the wood for the fire pit in the backyard. He comes in when I’m sitting at the window, where I was watching him and smirks as he pulls his shirt over his head. Exposing all that muscle, and those intricate tattoos. “You like… you see? I could be gentle, just this once? I have a bit of tension to release,” he teases. Before a word leaves my mouth, a scream rips through the house, a woman is shrieking so loudly, it hurts my ears from up in Jake’s room. Jake’s eyes go wide, he grabs the nearest shirt, throws it over his head, picks his gun up and then I watch as he’s so fast he’s gone in seconds. As soon as I grab my shoes and place them on, the screams stop, and everything has gone quiet. Then before I understand what’s happening, I see, hear, then last of all, feel the bullet as it tears through my arm. The singe, the burn, it hurts so much. Then before I have time to react, another one. This one skimming my ear, the burn not as bad. But then I drop using my arms and collapse straight onto my face, my arms not strong enough to hold me up. I manage to use my free arm to pull me up, and when I do, my white shirt is now soaked red, and the carpeted floor has a massive blood stain. I hear more, like whoever is out there is just firing off bullets, straight into this section of the house. Then I hear Jake’s yell. Then another round of bullets, this time all I hear is the sound of them, the area I’m in is now quiet after the hail of bullets

peppered the room. Too scared to stand, I push myself using my uninjured arm to the door. Leaving a trail of blood everywhere. I look back to the room and it’s completely destroyed, holes are everywhere from the ricocheting bullets. I stay grounded, and completely stop when footsteps run up the stairs. I roll, without thinking, and go straight to Jake’s bedside table where I saw him pull his gun from earlier. I yank on the drawer pulling it completely out. Everything that was inside falls to the floor. The footsteps are closer now. I manage to grab a gun, roll onto my back and aim it at the door. A foot enters and I shoot, then the foot disappears. “Fuck woman, put the gun down,” Jake’s voice booms through the open door. He walks straight in this time, knowing I won’t shoot him. He looks unharmed, but he’s covered in blood. Cursing under his breath, he takes one look at me and then walks over and picks me up, carrying me as quickly as he can. No words are spoken just muttering under his breath. He places me in his car, jogs around and stops. I look around, seeing a few men on the ground, other than the dead bodies, it looks clear. Jake pulls his gun up and just starts shooting at the bodies on the ground. They’re dressed in all black, and seeing that, it sends a shiver down my spine before I pass out.

I wake to a room I don’t even recognize. Voices I don’t know coming from another room. I look at my arm, it’s bandaged up. I lift the bandage to look underneath and see that I’ve been stitched. That confuses me because this room does not resemble a doctor’s office or a hospital. No, it looks more like a teenage boy’s room. I stand and make my way over to the door, hesitant to open it, trying to make out the sounds coming from the other side. I hear laughter, it’s Jake and a woman. The door creaks loudly when I open it, and the voices stop. A little boy runs down and is standing in front of me. His eyes a vibrant green. “You feeling better? Can I go in there now?” he says pointing to the room. I go to speak when an older boy runs up and grabs the younger one’s shoulder. He looks completely different to the little boy, he has blond hair and brown eyes. “Liam, you’re not going in my room.” The little guy, now I know as Liam, stamps his foot and pokes his tongue out at the older boy before running off. “Sorry Miss. Uncle Jake is this way.” His manners shock me. For a teenage boy to speak that way, it knocks me, and I don’t move till he turns back around to see where I am and smiles. “Sweetheart…” I roll my eyes, that stupid name. For someone who doesn’t do vanilla, he sure says that name a bloody lot. Jake’s sitting at a table, his clothes changed and free of blood. I look down to mine and see that mine still are covered in it. Rose, the woman I met the other day smiles and stands, then walks over to me. “I’m not a surgeon, so you will more than likely have a scar,” she says looking at my arm. I go to lift it, but pain shoots through it causing me to gasp. “You stitched me up?” I ask, shocked. She nods her head waving for me to sit down. “Jake couldn’t take you to the hospital. Bullet wounds equal questions, then investigations. So I do my best when the guys need it.” She blushes. “You do the best work, Rose. Wouldn’t trust anyone else,” he says while looking adoringly at her. The teenager from before walks in with a drink for me, he places it on the table and I sit down. I thank him, and Rose rubs his back with love.

“This is my oldest son, Hayden.” He smiles warmly at me before walking off. “You look way too young to have a boy his age,” I say before my brain catches up with my mouth. “Sorry, excuse me, I didn’t mean to say that,” I apologize, but she just waves me off. “I am, believe me, I am.” She laughs. I turn to see Jake watching her, he catches me looking and moves his eyes over at me. I’m not sure I know exactly what’s going on here, though I do want to know. He winks before picking up his drink and swallowing it down, watching me from over the top of the mug. I fidget in my seat, not liking having his eyes on me. Not knowing what he wants to say, or even what he’s thinking. “I have a shirt for you,” Rose says before jumping up and running off. “Stop staring at me.” Jake’s lip twerks up. “I’m waiting for the one hundred questions.” I shake my head. “Not today. I want to sleep.” Both his eyebrows raise. “We can do that. Maybe add some kink?” he teases me, the head shake is automatic. “Is that all you think about?” “When you’re around, yes.” He picks up his drink again, putting it to his mouth when Rose walks out and hands me a shirt. I thank her and walk off to change. I can’t get my shirt off because I can’t lift my arm. It’s laced at the back, and to remove it, I need to unlace it. And I can’t see that happening at all. Then the door opens and Jake walks in, knife in hand. I back away quickly. “I said… no kink.” “So vanilla?” he asks trying to contain his laugh. “Relax, the knife’s to remove your shirt. I can try to be a gentleman while I catch a glimpse.” I turn my back to him, giving him access to my lace up my shirt and he turns me around, then the knife is run down my throat. I stay rock still. He’s slow, meticulous, and I’m scared, but also strangely excited. It’s a weird feeling. To have both opposing emotions together. With something, that with one move could kill you. I hear the rip, then put my head down to watch the shirt torn slowly, very slowly, so slowly that I sometimes feel the coldness of the blade. It’s like he’s doing it on purpose. Then he snaps, I see his face change, and he cuts straight down all in one go—opening my top and exposing my bra. I look up at him, his eyes are dark, staring at me and not my breasts. “No kink?” he asks in the most serious voice I’ve heard. I manage to shake my head when he turns, pocketing his knife and walking out the door. He shuts it as he leaves.



CHAPTER 13 JAKE That was too close, way too close. Not just the bullets, too close to her. I don’t want to get that close, I don’t want to have to second guess my actions to please someone else. I am who I am. I won’t change that, not for anyone. I wouldn’t even change that for Rose, I was just good at hiding most of it from her. Having both of them in the same room was difficult. Looking at both of them, side by side, was hard. She’s Rose’s complete opposite, from her dark ringlet hair that I just want to pull on all the time, to her dark eyes, to her full sexy as fuck figure. I sat there like a high school kid, comparing them like I could make myself believe that I would be able to pick who I liked the most, and go after the right one. The problem in that story is, though, I would never go after Rose, never again. She won’t ever love anyone but Black. And those two—those two are my world. Both equals. Even if I wanted to bend Rose over and fuck her, make her raise my kids, because she does a hell of a job with the ones she has, I can’t. And Addy, I don’t even know what to feel about her. She doesn’t fit anywhere. No matter how hard I try to see her fitting somewhere, it just isn’t happening. She may fit with Rose, but that’s it. She doesn’t like the clubhouse. Well, what’s left of it. She doesn’t fit in with my sex life. She wants normal—vanilla. I want knives, guns, sharp instruments. Something that scares her, something she’d never consider. I wait outside the door, she opens it now dressed in one of Rose’s button up shirts. She looks to me, then down to the floor. I go to speak when I hear Rose welcome Black home. He doesn’t know what’s happened. He’s been off with Sax doing some secretive work we don’t have the privilege of knowing about. I walk to the front of the house, Addy’s trailing behind me and I stop at the lounge room. Black is on the floor, the two youngest kids wrestling with him. Rose stands in the doorway, smiling while watching them. He hasn’t even noticed my presence which says a lot because he notices everything. Even when you think he doesn’t. It just proves how far he’s come, from the once dark and fucked up man he was. “Liam,” I say. Little Liam’s head snaps up and runs to me, barreling into my legs, then wrapping both tiny arms around me. I look up to see Black, now standing in front of us, his green eyes dark as he looks straight past me to Addy. Who, when I turn, has gone white. Fear soaking over her face. “Black,” I say, picking up Little Liam from my legs. He immediately wraps me in his arms, hugging me tightly, telling me how much he’s missed me. “Jake, what’s this?” he asks like she’s some kind of venom. Then he nods to Addy, who’s now stepped up close to my back and using it as a shield. Rose walks over, and pries Little Liam from me, and walks off calling the rest of the kids. None of us speak until the room is clear, and all that’s left is the three of us. “Why are you looking at her like she’s your next hit?” I ask him. He is. He’s calculating her, the only way he knows how. “She is my next hit.” His voice doesn’t waver.

I was expecting something more, but I get nothing. And that news knocks me onto my ass. What the fuck is going on? Addy’s now shaking, I can feel her behind me. I turn to look at her, and she’s gone even paler. How is that even possible? I don’t know. “Do you know who he is?” She doesn’t speak, she won’t even look up to me. Just a shake of her head is all I get. I turn back to Black, who hasn’t moved from his spot. “You won’t.” He shakes his head and looks me dead in the eye. “A job is a job. She can run, but I will find her. I always find who I’m after.” I don’t have a reply for that, I know he’ll find her, it’s what he’s best at. Even if he isn’t doing it solo anymore, he’s still doing what he loves. I grab Addy’s hand, she’s shaking, her eyes stay focused on the ground. She’s unable to look up. Rose walks into me when we head to the door, she looks to Addy then back to Black. “Care to explain?” She stays where she is in front of me, looking at Black. I hear him sigh. “It’s just work,” he says to her, walking closer to us. He walks around me and stands next to Rose, she crosses her arms over her chest. “You like to scare innocent woman now? ‘Cause if that’s so—” She backs away from him, but he moves fast and captures her wrist pulling her to him. “No…” he says leaning down to her, breathing her in, “…she isn’t innocent. Maybe Jake should get the full story before something happens.” Rose shakes her head at him, and they both look at Addy, who’s now staring at Rose. “Have you told him? Told him why people want you dead? Why Mick wants you so badly?” Addy’s head shakes back and forth quite slowly, and I’m left standing there not knowing what the fuck is happening. She looks to me, sorrow etched on her beautiful face. “It’s not true,” she squeaks. “You can’t kill me.” “We’re leaving. If you come after her, I won’t hold back.” Black looks to her then to me. “You have twenty-four hours. It’s your only warning.” We all hear Rose’s intake of breath, she pulls her hand free of Black and walks away. Black looks to us then shakes his head. “Twenty-four hours. Don’t be there, Jake,” he says walking off to follow Rose. I walk out the front, opening the door to my car. Addy climbs in, and I drive to Black’s old house without thinking. She doesn’t speak the whole ride there, she’s dead quiet, catching sideways glimpses of me until we pull up. I cut the engine and look to her. She looks straight back. “I’m sorry,” is all she says, then I climb out. I walk to the front of the house expecting her to be behind me, except she’s still in the car. I wave my hand, and she climbs out and follows me up the stairs. I pace, thinking of what to say to her next. Seeing if I can work the truth out of her. “An ex?” I ask her, she shakes her head. I can tell by the lines on her face she’s telling me the truth. “A child?” Again, another shake.

“Family?” Her head shake takes longer this time—bingo. “Tell me about your family, now, Addy. And don’t lie. The one thing I hate most is a liar.” She stays standing where she is, fidgeting with her hands. Then her chocolate brown eyes lock onto me before she speaks, “My father is very wealthy…” she starts then stops, “…I was sold.” She attempts to speak again then thinks better of it. She walks up to me, inches from me, and places her hand on my chest. “I don’t like talking about it,” she says, her hand now running up and down my chest. I stop her hand with mine, capturing it, her eyes go wide, then she smirks. It’s like inviting the devil into sin, and sin is what I will do.



CHAPTER 14 ADDY I knew I could distract him, he is a man after all. I told him too much, let my guard down too far. Now I’m afraid of where this will go. I’ve seen him fuck. I won’t do that, that’s a line I never want to cross. Though, when he steps up to me and places his hands on my back, then runs one hand through my hair, I know right then and there I will let him do whatever he wants. Those hands are of an angel, but with the sinister smile of the devil. A devil who’s promising to mistreat me badly in the bedroom, and that I’m about to love every second of it, whether I want to or not. In one swift and fast pull, my body is on his. His hands squeeze too tightly, my ass more than likely bruising, my hair more than likely being pulled out. I think he’s about to kiss me until he yanks hard, pulling my head backward with a fist full of hair in his grasp. He leans down and licks from my collarbone up to my lips, tasting me, seeing if I will pull away. He wants control, control of me. He licks the corner of my lip. I open my mouth, just partially, and he takes full advantage. His mouth is on mine, his breath hot and heavy, taking me in. His tongue does a wild dance with mine, it’s the hottest and most exotic kiss I’ve ever had. I can feel his tongue bar, every time he flicks his tongue in my mouth. When he bites, I gasp and then I feel him smile against my lips. The things he’s about to do and the things I care for mean absolutely zero right now. I understand why he can fuck a woman, and they feel nothing but pleasure. He isn’t even touching me anywhere but my ass and mouth, and I’m ready to drop to my knees and let him have me. His hands start to move, they shift to the front of my jeans. He’s careful of my arm with each movement he makes. He undoes my pants, his mouth lifts from mine and I’m left standing there with my eyes closed breathing heavily. I feel him pull my pants down, and I open my eyes to see him kneeling in front of me. He looks tender, his face has softened. His hands are slow, controlled. I wonder how much restraint that has taken him to not grab me roughly, to take me as he does others. I lift a leg, letting him remove my pants completely as he runs his hands up my thighs from each foot. He stops when they’re removed, and then stops altogether, not moving, just staring at me. I’m unsure of what I should do. I don’t want to speak, too afraid of the words that will leave my mouth. So I lift my uninjured arm and place it on his shoulder. He looks up, breaking from his daze and stands. His hands are in fists, and he unclenches them as he starts to undo the buttons of my top. When he gets to the last button, he looks me dead in the eyes, his hand touches my curls. “You will regret this. I know why you’re doing it, and I ain’t man enough to say no.” I shake my head at him. “I like you,” is all I can say, and that’s all the encouragement he needs. Because he starts removing my shirt down my arms, being careful around the injured one. Then he unclasps my bra, and I’m now in front of him, only in my panties. And I like the way he stares at me. “No kink,” he says, more to himself, than to me. “No kink,” I tell him back.

With a simple nod of his head, he lifts me by my ass. Careful with me, so very careful, I begin to wonder if this is the same man. “Three times,” he says as he lays me on the bed. I raise my eyebrow at him. “Only three times we can fuck. After that, no more. Do you understand?” I nod my head, but I don’t have a clue what he’s talking about. I push myself up on the bed, and Jake stands in front of me removing his clothes, his shirt showcasing his scars and tatts, then his pants. He’s cock is hard as he slides a condom on, then lowers himself to me, touching me through my panties. Then his hand pushes them to the side as he teases my clit, slowly working his way down. Then he inserts one finger, then another. I arch, he kisses my belly. His hair is just long enough that it scrapes along under my breasts, and his short beard tickles with each kiss he makes. He kisses me everywhere, from collarbone to toe, teasing me with every bite, lick, and suck. He’s good, too good, so much so that I’m now aching for him and trying to make contact with him. He grabs my hips each time and pushes me back onto the bed, stopping my attempts. I bite my lips trying to restrain myself, closing my eyes tightly when I do. He pulls my lip from my mouth with his teeth, then bites it for me. I spread my legs having him near me, so close, and in one suck on the lips he’s inside me, so fast, and so hard. My mouth automatically opens. His mouth stays on me. Kissing me, biting me, taking me. He moves, I stay still, the sensations take over me, crippling me to this spot. So many emotions run through me as he fucks me, as he takes me up to that high, so fucking high. Then he lets up, goes slow, ceasing the rhythm. Then when I come back down, he takes me back up to that high again. My clit, the hardness, the friction, it’s all so much. He knows exactly what he’s doing. No one has ever had this effect on me before, no one. I’ve slept with two men, one being Mick, and he never got me off. I was not a priority—it was all about him. Always has been. Jake makes it all about me, even in his own pleasure, it’s about me. He starts to move faster, his hands are careful but persistent, always watchful of my arm. The one that wants to move, but the pain it would inflict is not worth disappearing from this pleasure, so it stays still. His hand comes between us, he’s moving faster, fucking me harder, and he isn’t slowing now. He rubs my clit, sending me over the edge. Damn the pain as my sore arm moves. One hand flies to my mouth, the other in my hair. He rides it out, not finishing until my high recedes until I stop squeezing. He pulls out, leaving me breathless and exhausted. My plan has gone to shit. I didn’t plan this. I didn’t plan for him. How could you plan for someone so enigmatic?

We lay naked, and exhausted. He lays next to me on his side, me on my back. He pulls my curls. He does this a lot. “You love her don’t you?” I ask, breaking our silence.

He stops, drops my curl, and turns onto his back. “I thought I did,” he answers me after a moment of silence. “I see the way you look at her. It’s not the same as that man looks at her, but it’s similar.” He takes a deep breath. “That man is my brother, the only family I have left.” I didn’t know but I figured they were close. But now I’m afraid, afraid I’ll never be chosen over a bond that strong. “We thought he died. He asked me before… before it happened…” he trails off, and I see his eyes close pushing down the pain, “…to watch out for her. I did, for five years, I also thought I loved her. I didn’t want to, now I’m not so sure.” “Why? Why aren’t you sure?” “I feel for her, strongly. I would give my life for her, and those kids. I just don’t love her the way he does. I see it, I know what their love is like. When you’re enclosed in that kind of love, you feel it deeply. I’m slowly working out that it’s not my love, just a figment of theirs that I brewed to protect us both.” “Because you lost him? You both lost him?” He turns to face me. I don’t turn to my side, just twist my head. “Yes.” “Have you loved… on a level like they do?” “No. A love like theirs… it’s a once in a lifetime thing. You either get the opportunity to witness it, or be in it. Never one in the same.” He believes every word, I can tell by the way his eyes crinkle as if the pain is true. “I think you will.” “I’m broken beyond repair, Addy. And you can’t fix broken.”



CHAPTER 15 JAKE She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. Her hand reaches out and touches my belly, her fingers glide over one of my many scars, touching and feeling the raised skin. It’s making me hard. Those chocolate eyes are glued on mine. Her skin smells of vanilla—it suits her—I’ll never get sick of that smell on her body. “Tell me about them?” she asks. Her eyes full of wanting answers, wanting to know who I am. People don’t know me. They perceive what they want from me, then make up their own facts. She wants to know, which is dangerous, for both of us. “My club, tortured me,” I tell her. It doesn’t affect me, though I watch as her eyes go wide in horror. “Those men? At your club?” I shake my head, not wanting her to think badly of them. “No. Not all of them. Only a few that were loyal to my father.” “Your father? He did this, too?” I nod my head, and she pulls her hand away, entrapping it under her body. “My father was a cruel man. He ultimately paid for it with his life.” Her silence stuns me, she’s usually so curious, always asking questions. “Tell me, Addy. Tell me what happened.” Her hand comes back, she slides her fingers down my stomach, then lower, taking hold of my cock in her small hand, distracting me again. “I will get the truth, Addy. If you wish to live, the truth is what I need.” She lifts and brings her mouth to mine, kissing to silence me. She has tricks—most women I wouldn’t care, but I’m growing to care for her—and I know nothing about her apart from her name. This will be a disaster, one she won’t even see coming till it’s too late. “Shut up and fuck me, Jake,” she says into my mouth. I do just that. Taking her again, giving her the same pleasure as last time. This time, she isn’t so afraid of me. Her hands touch me, her nails dig into my back, her mouth captures mine every time I’m near. And every time I taste her, I worry that little bit more about what her taste and mind will do to me. Because you can’t fix broken, and you can’t fix me.

I wake to an empty bed and a quiet house. I stand and see her clothes missing from the pile on the floor. When I walk into the kitchen, the door is open and I know straight away that she’s gone. As I stand there wondering, that’s when he walks in. Gun in hand. “Where is she?” he asks looking around, then stopping on me. I shrug my shoulders, walk to the fridge and pull out a beer. I haven’t had one in days, the coldness that it covers me in is a relief. “Jake, don’t

play games with me.” “Why her?” He shakes his head, shifts and shuts the door, turning back to me. “You have feelings for her,” he states. I want to tell him, I don’t. Nothing leaves my mouth. “Always the wrong woman, Jake. Always…” He takes the beer from my hand and throws it in the trash. “If you love her, I won’t kill her. This is your last opportunity. Someone will come for her, though, if not me, someone else. You will want it to be me, though. Remember that.” He steps across to his old bedroom, then stops and speaks again. “Next time you get me into shit with Rose, you’ll lose a fucking leg.” I can’t help but laugh. The only one he’s afraid of is a little blonde pixie. “Don’t pick on me, and I won’t tell.” He turns and his lip twitches. “You sound like my sons.” “Smart kids,” I state. He nods in agreement. “Must take after me,” I say proudly. “Like fuck they will,” he replies when he finally walks off. “With your mouth, they’ll be locked up before they reach adulthood.” “Hey, my mouth is smart, you prick. You just wish you talked and had as much swagger as me. Don’t hate the player.” He shakes his head, shutting the door as he enters his room. “I had sex on your bed,” I yell. The door swings open, his nose wrinkled and his lowered eyebrows show disgust as his lips open and he mouths a “bleaghh” sound. “You had to fuck her on my bed? There are two other beds in this house.” “Yep, told ya I’d fuck someone on ya bed,” I tell him proudly. “Get the fuck out while I disinfect this house.” He points to the door, his eyebrows slant inward. “Will do. Dispose of the condoms while you are at it!” I just manage to dodge the gun that’s thrown at my head as I walk out the door while flipping him the bird.

I observe her sitting on a bench in town. The township is small, so I find it easy to spot her. She didn’t take a car, so I knew she couldn’t have gone far. She’s seated there looking across at the shops, with a faraway stare. I stop the car and walk over to her, she doesn’t notice me until I sit down next to her. “I have to go back, I have to leave,” she finally says. She looks to me for some kind of retort. I can’t give her one. I’m not one to force someone to stay if they want to leave. Why would I? “What nationality are you?” Her eyes squint in surprise. “My father is Spanish, my mother Australian,” she answers with a raised eyebrow. “That explains the sexy voice when you’re angry.” Her cheeks heat up and instantly turn pink. “Do you want me to drive you?” She looks down the street again, just as I see a black car pull up, the windows tinted. A man dressed in a suit steps out and holds the door open for her. She stands, and I follow. Her hands touch my waist,

pulling me to her. “My father’s very wealthy. I wasn’t exactly sold, but I was to be married. A marriage which I didn’t attend. So for my punishment, I was placed under Mick’s care, and in return, he’d receive a large amount of money. My father assumed by placing me with Mick, I’d realize the choice he made for me would be better, that I’d come crawling back and agree to marry that other man.” That explains a lot, a shit load of a lot. “And the moves you pull with guns?” “My father’s bodyguard had a soft spot for me.” She reaches up on her toes and places a soft kiss to my lips. I don’t let her go that easy, I wrap my arms around her waist, grabbing her ass and kissing her back, hard. She pulls away first, if she didn’t, I wouldn’t let her go. Another soft kiss, then I watch as she walks away.



CHAPTER 16 ADDY The drive to my father’s is long, and nerve racking. I haven’t seen him in over a year since he gave me to Mick for not fulfilling my duty. I was to marry—someone I didn’t even know—so my father’s banking business could expand, having the backing of the man’s family I was meant to marry into. I didn’t want it, I didn’t want to marry to support my father. He was rich enough, so why sacrifice my own happiness for something that would not support me. We finally come to a stop, the apartment building is massive. It seems larger as I stand in front of it. My father owns the property and rents out all the floors, but he keeps the penthouse suite. The bodyguard who I grew up with stands behind me. He’s the one that taught me self-defense, but he’s also been punished for treating me as more than a client. He’s been with my father for over ten years, ever since I was a young teenager. He taught me a lot, instructed and guided me in things my father would hate. Things that my father would kill him for. Each step is hard, the ride up to his penthouse is long and arduous. When we reach the door, he’s standing there, watching me. It’s like looking in a mirror when I see him, we have the same skin, same facial structure, same eyes. The only difference is I have my mother’s hair—her beautiful curly hair. “Addy…” he greets me. It’s not warm like a father should be toward his daughter who he hasn’t seen for the past year. “Father…” He turns, and I follow him in as he walks over to the bar and starts pouring a drink. I stand on the opposite side, just watching him. “Mick has called me.” I roll my eyes, all that man wants is his money. “He’s not impressed, and requests that you go back to him immediately.” “You do know that you can’t make me return to him?” The glass is pulled to his lips, and he pauses after those words leave my mouth, his eyes glare at me over the glass, fury etched in them. “You forget I’m your father, child. You don’t speak to me in such a way.” “You haven’t been any kind of father in over a year. What makes you my father now?” I need to shut up, I need to keep my mouth shut. “You’ll never see her again. Do you hear me? Get rid of that attitude right now.” “Stop using her as a threat. You obviously know it didn’t work last time.” His jaw ticks, he does that when I push his buttons. “I’ve heard you’ve been keeping the wrong kind of company, Addy?” “Like anyone could be worse than Mick.” I roll my eyes again, reaching out and grabbing his glass, drinking down what’s left in the bottom. “This man you were hanging with is trouble.” “How could you possibly know?” I fire back, he wouldn’t even know his name.

“I told him!” A voice comes from behind me, I know that voice without even turning. “Why is he here?” I say ignoring Mick, and focusing totally on my father. He looks over my shoulder at Mick, then back to me. “He wants his money, and for me to do that, you’re required to go back.” The cheek of him. “And if I don’t?” “You will not see her again, Addy. This is your punishment. You denied me once, this will make you appreciate what I have offered you.” “I won’t marry him, even if I have to spend a lifetime with him…” I point over my shoulder at Mick, who I can hear hovering behind me. “Mick… you will be paid on our arranged date. Take her, and return her to me at that time.” I feel his hand come down on my shoulder. The glass that’s sitting in front of me I grab, and smash it into his face. The glass shatters, cutting me in the process. My father barks out some orders to his men, and two men grab each of my arms. They keep me from moving, and my father walks around to face me, his face tight with anger and he slaps me hard across the face, making my head swing to the side with the impact. “I know it’s that man, Addy. I saw the way you looked at him,” he whispers close to my face “What? You thought I wasn’t watching you. You knew. You ran from one of my men, remember?” He smirks. “Go, and say goodbye to your mother, Addy. It’s the last time you’ll see her.” He turns and walks away, the guards holding me compliant until he leaves and closes the door before they release me from their vicelike grips. I touch my face still feeling the sting radiating through my cheek. My face is going to be bruised, but I don’t care right now. I walk into her room, she’s plugged up into so many machines that it’s always so loud in here. The constant beeping and alarms is enough to scare anyone. Her hair’s a mess of wild curls, just like mine, but her body is so thin. It makes me sad seeing her this way, compared to the life she used to have in her. She always smiled, always loved us. My father was happy then, she made him happy. He was a doting father back then, but now the mere sight of me makes him angry. Next to her bed is photos of all of us. There’s ones of us smiling like we are the happiest family in the world. One of just me, then one of her and I. She shouldn’t be in this bed, it should’ve been me. I was the one driving, I was the one that didn’t see that car, the one that basically ended her life. The one that’s left my father the shell of a man he used to be. I try not to hate him, I really do. But the venom and animosity he shows me, makes me bite back every time. I never intended to marry, that didn’t happen until years after the accident. When he realized he could use me, and get rid of me at the same time by not seeing me every day. It almost worked, I almost married the man. A man I didn’t know, just to ease his suffering. He pitched it to me like I was a business associate when really it would only benefit him, not me. That’s when my punishment came in the form of Mick—a thug that had carried out work for him. He offered him a lot of money to treat me like shit, to prove to me how lucky I was. He was wrong. I grew independent and realized I was more than what he thought of me. I was so much more, thanks to my mother. I kiss her cheek before I leave, also stealing the photo of us and pocketing it before anyone sees. When I walk out, Mick’s standing there, blood still slowly dripping from his forehead. He snarls while baring his teeth as he walks over and grabs hold of my wrist then leans down to

whisper in my ear, “You will pay for that one, bitch.” I pull away, he grabs me too fast and digs his fingers hard into my wrist, marking me. Applying so much pressure that the agony causes me to squeak. “Your men are dead. Did you see that?” I taunt him. I really should learn to shut my mouth. “Soon your man will be dead. I saw you with him. I saw you kiss him. What did he do? Did he fuck you right?” “You do know many have tried to kill him, right?” I ask him, he smirks. “I know, the last incident was because of me. Ask him next time you see him, how he got those stab wounds on his legs? How a man pulled his nails off, one by one…” I remember seeing his nails in the bar when he paid, but he always hid them, never showed them long enough to completely take in what I was seeing. He’d close his fists, hiding the pain. “And you didn’t succeed? Did that piss you off?” His fingers dig in hard again. “How about when I do kill him, I make you watch, just to punish you.” I laugh at him, it’s a false laugh and I shouldn’t provoke, but it’s funny. He’s tried before, maybe not at his own hands, though he has tried and didn’t succeed. What makes him think he will this time? He goes to hit me across the face when suddenly a loud clunk is heard, and my wrist is dropped at the same time as he drops to the floor. I watch him fall, then look up to see the bodyguard that trained me standing there with a bat in his hand. “Get away… far away. He doesn’t get paid if he doesn’t have you. So he will try to find you,” he says and drops the bat and walks away. I look down to the floor and kick him in his face, the stupid bastard, then I run.



CHAPTER 17 JAKE When I arrive back home the men have already started on fixing the house, walls have been removed, plaster at the ready for new walls to go up to replace the bullet-riddled ones. My things are everywhere, almost everything in my room is broken or shattered beyond recognition. Hardly anything stands, the bed is almost flat on the ground. Buddy walks in behind me, he’s covered in plaster and paint, been at it for the last day while I was with Addy. “She gone?” he asks me, looking at her things that are still scattered around my now destroyed room. “Yep.” He taps my shoulder. “For the best, Pres,” he states as he walks out, leaving me wondering if his statement is true.

I end up back at Black and Rose’s house, she has her friends over for a barbecue, and I’m stuck making small talk when it’s the last thing I want to do. Casey, Sax, and their herd of kids are here. A few others I don’t know, though I’m guessing they work with Black and Sax as that’s who they’re talking to. Rose walks out with a bowl of salad, with Liam on her hip. He’s getting too big, but she doesn’t say no to him. Isabelle is sitting on my lap reading me a book, I’m only half listening and nodding when she talks to me. “You look so sad, Uncle Jake,” she says. It takes a moment for me to register what she’s just said. “Do I?” I ask her smiling and tickling her. She grabs my cheeks when she calms down and smiles. “I love you, Uncle Jake,” she says, then kisses my cheek before she gets up. She’s the only girl that tells me every time I see her how much she loves me, makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong. A part of me wants what others have, then there’s that part that despises the thought of having that pleasure. The pressure, the stress of loving someone, is it even worth it? “Lost in thought?” Black says sitting next to me. “Her hit was canceled,” he says surprising me. “You can bring her out of hiding now.” He nudges me then passes a beer. “She left,” I say surprising myself with the hurt that follows that statement. “You seem…” he stops and looks at me, closely, “…lost?” “Maybe I am, or I’m just fucked.” He shakes his head. “No. You’ve always been fucked. We both have been. We cling to the bad, live

for the darkness, thrive on the thrill. That’s just how we’re bred. You seem… lost,” he reiterates before standing and walking over to kiss Rose then taking Liam off her hip. I make small talk with Sax, he tries to speak of work and I pretend to care. Then Addy walks through the door, obliterating all thought. Black stands next to her. Her face is red, her arm is wrapped around her body. I instantly stand and before I know it, I’m right there next to her grabbing her hand then touching her face. Everyone’s gone silent. She notices by pulling away, but I don’t care. “Who did this?” My voice is dangerous. I can hear the threat that comes out within its tone. She manages to pull her hand back, tucks it into the back of her pants pocket and smiles softly. “Can we talk later? Possibly?” she asks leaning into me, keeping her eyes behind me, on everyone watching. “No. Tell me now, or I’ll go on a killing spree. Your father’s head will be first on my list.” I feel his hand on my back. “Jake, calm down. Deal with this tomorrow.” I push his hand away, and he replaces it. This makes me angrier, I turn fast, capturing his neck. He shows no surprise—he just stares at me, through me. I hate him when he hides his emotions so well. “You don’t want to do this, remember who I am.” “How about I smack Rose up a bit?” I tease him. In an instant, I’m being held by the neck. The tables have turned. “You never say that, not even in a joke. Do you understand me?” I don’t answer him even as he applies pressure. “I see it, I see it,” he says letting go of my neck and stepping back. Everyone is standing and watching, clearly on edge afraid of what could have happened. When I turn back to Addy, her head is down in shame. “I didn’t mean to start trouble,” she speaks softly. Rose steps up and hugs her, clearly something I suck at and pulls her toward the food. While Black and I stand in the same spot watching. “You’re so fucked now.” I can almost hear the chuckle in his voice. “My… not so lost little boy anymore.” “You and I both know nothing about me is little.” I chuckle. He smacks my back and walks away, leaving me with his last word, “Fucked.” The loud chuckle actually comes with it.



CHAPTER 18 ADDY He watches me, hasn’t stopped watching me since I arrived. I was afraid to come here, afraid of Black. I had nowhere else to go, and knowing Jake was here from Buddy, who was reluctant to tell me where he was. Rose taps my shoulder and smiles at me, reassuring me that it’s okay. Her friend, who I’ve just learned is Casey, is speaking fast, and I’m not even listening. Sax, her husband, hovers behind her with his hand on her shoulder. I turn back and look at Jake. He’s now walking my way, his eyes on me. He sits next to me, and I watch his every movement, the same way he watches me. He places his hand on my thigh, squeezes, then turns to watch Rose. I’d feel jealous, I should feel jealous, but I just don’t. His eyes are always skimming to me, looking at me, even if only in sideways glances. He’s only listening to her speak, the shine he used to hold in his eyes for her has dimmed. I don’t know how I know, they just don't hold the same affection as they once did. “You need to tell me what happened?” he asks, leaning closer to me. His lips touch my neck, and a shiver breaks lose. “Did you know it was Mick’s guys?” I ask him, his lips pause on my neck then he stands, grabbing my hand and pulling me with him. We walk past everyone, Black watches closely though not stopping us. He walks us inside the house. At first, I think he’s going to leave but then he turns down the hallway and starts to walk past the bedroom I was in. He stops at a door that’s locked. So he pulls a set of keys from his pocket and releases the door—it showcases nothing but darkness. He pulls me in, shutting the door behind us then flicks on a small lamp, which only gives us the tiniest bit of light. He turns to me, his blue eyes soft. “You came back.” I nod, he pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me. At first I’m stunned, this man isn’t the one I know. He doesn’t do affection, he fucks. And that’s it. I lean into him, giving him all my weight. He takes it and pulls me down onto the bed, with me falling on top of him. “You feel something for me, don’t you?” he asks, gripping me tight, no room for escape. “Possibly…” I answer truthfully. “It’s wrong. Nothing comes from loving me. Only things get broken,” he says pushing my hair away from my face. “What if I’m already broken?” I whisper, thinking about my mother’s condition. “Impossible…” is all he says then he kisses me. Stealing the breath from my lungs, hugging me so tightly, that I think he’s trying to steal anything that I think is broken inside me and taking it for himself to bear. His lips seek me, he’s always so gentle, always afraid. I can feel him holding back with me. I want to tell him to let go, though I’m afraid of what would happen if he did let go completely. Afraid of what I would see and feel. I stop him when his hands slide into my pants, it’s a hard thing to do. To stop him, to be able to stop

him. He’s good, he looks up at me, his eyes unsure. “Not here,” I whisper. He pulls back from me, sits at the side of the bed breathing heavily. “It won’t work you know.” I touch his shoulder, and he freezes up. “What won’t work?” He looks me dead in the eye. “Us.” “Based on what?” HHe shakes his head. “Based on me.” “We haven’t even started. How can you say it won’t work?” I retort knowing he’s lying. “It won’t work. You and me… just aren’t right. I’m kink. Your vanilla.” My eyes go large in shock. “It’s about sex?” He shakes his head. “No, that’s just an example of how we are. How we are total opposites. Don’t you get it?” I shake my head. “No, I don’t. Now take me back to yours…” I get up and stand with my hand on my hip. He raises his eyebrows at me. “Feisty,” he says standing. “You’re stuck with me, whether you want to be or not.” He laughs. “Are you gonna glue yourself to me?” He steps into my personal space, I can feel the outline of his body on mine, his hardness through his pants. “I’m glue, baby, you’re just the paper. I can hold us together, even if you try to force us apart.” “A lot of strong words for someone that doesn’t really know me,” he says back, pinching my hip with his hand. I grab hold of his hip and pinch back. “I know you, Jake. You say random shit. You love a man so much you should be brothers. You want your own kids, which, if you put your attitude right, you may get. You want to be loved. You crave it, but you’re so afraid of it. Am I warm yet?” “You think that’s me? That’s all of me?” I lean up and whisper in his ear, “You also love the pain. No, you relish in it like a man relishes in pussy. I’ve seen you hold onto it, you're addicted.” He doesn’t speak, a blank look crosses over his face, and he just stays still. “Now take me home, we have some talking to do.” It takes him a moment to register what I’ve said, then he salutes me, putting on his mask.

We don’t end up at the clubhouse, no, we end up at Black’s house. The one we fucked in, the one I left him in. I look around, nothing has changed. He walks to a different bedroom from the last time we were here, and I ask why. “He will kill us both if we have sex on his bed again.” “Oh my God, that was Black’s bed?” I’m sure my eyes are hanging from their sockets, but he just laughs at me.

“Yep, got a gun thrown at my head for that one.” He chuckles walking into the other bedroom. There’s nothing to it, just a bed and a window, very plain. “Are you trying to make him hate me more?” “Don’t be offended, he hates everyone. Even sold Rose a few years ago.” The gasp that leaves my mouth is super high. He laughs and holds up his hands. “He didn’t know it was her. It was years ago.” He shuts the door as we enter and starts to strip, right at the door, leaving me watching him. He turns around to drop his shirt, and I stand there touching his back—so many scars. He turns and I touch his mouth, something was there in his mouth, something that had cut him badly. “You want to know, don’t you?” he asks me, and I nod my head. “Are you sure you’re prepared for the answer?” He takes a step forward, I take a step back, nodding my head. “You may wish you didn’t know.” Then he speaks, telling me the most horrific things, and I can’t help but cry.



CHAPTER 19 JAKE 6 YEARS AGO They knew, I knew they knew. They had been tip-toeing around me all day. Careful not to say the wrong thing. My father hadn’t spoken to me. The members merely glanced at me, some even looked afraid —for me. I didn’t understand why. If they knew. Then why was he still there? Why hadn’t he gone to chase after her? Because I knew he would, it was what he did. He got what he wanted, or so he believed. I stayed out back cleaning my bike, away from their looks, away from them all. Buddy walked in, the only one that I trusted, no semi-trusted. He went to speak when Ru walked in, my father’s puppet. Buddy looked at me, then back to Ru. Ru nodded his head, signaling him to leave. He walked out casting one last glance at me in sorrow as he left. Ru started pacing, I didn’t pay him attention and continued to clean. “Such a disappointment you have become,” he spoke. I didn’t acknowledge him. “Choosing that man over your own club,” he said. Then I felt something hit my head, which knocked me down to the floor. It was not enough to knock me out, just enough to make me dizzy. I felt him turn me, my brain not working, and then I felt the sharp pain that followed. I managed to look hard enough through the blurriness to see what he was doing. I noticed barbed wire being tied around my wrists, digging in to make them bleed. He knocked me in the head again, impairing my vision even worse, then I felt the coolness of a knife starting to slice, cold air hitting places that were previously covered. He was stripping me of my clothes. Then the same sharp wire was tied around my ankles. I felt the blood dripping down my hands, and I tried to move, to free myself, but it only made it dig in further. “You have him?” a voice asked. I knew that voice, I’d been raised by that voice. I heard Ru answer, “Yes.” Then the words that followed made me want to kill him myself. “Do your worst. Make him suffer. Just don’t kill him. He needs to learn a lesson.” Then I heard his boots as he walked off. Ru started to drag my naked body by the foot out of the garage. Too dizzy to stop him, I tried to grab things as they passed me. Nothing worked, he just pulled harder, causing the wire to slice into me deeper. It was dark when he pulled me into the backyard. The sun had set, and no other voices were near. I wondered if it was just him that was going to do whatever he had planned for me. “I’m gonna make you suffer. One day you’ll thank me. One day you’ll love the pain as much as I do,” Ru said throwing me to my belly, on top of more wire. I felt him sit on my back, forcing the wire underneath me to dig in that bit more. Slicing its way through, it was like a hundred needles puncturing and drilling their way into my skin. Then I screamed, my back turned to fire. He was cutting me, slicing bits and pieces off. I could feel the burn with each movement he made. He stopped, and just before I could close my mouth, more wire was pushed into my mouth. Then he pulled it, like a horse, slicing the sides of my lips. I started to taste my

own blood as it ran down my throat. He let go, then started again, slicing my back. I willed myself to pass out, to forget the pain, but nothing worked. It was as if hundreds and hundreds of needles were going into me over and over again, taking pieces of me with every slit and gash. My vision started to blur, my eyes began to go white. Then he stood, releasing his weight from my body. I thought it was over. I thought he had left. I was wrong. He showed me the gun by leaning down in front of me. Looking at it like it was his baby. “Your father gave me this as a gift,” he said staring at it. “Now I need to return it to its rightful owner… his son,” he said standing, his voice full of hope—the fucked up bastard. I didn’t expect what happened next. The struggle that came, the bruises it inflicted, the scars from moving, it was all too much. He assaulted me, for what seemed like an endless struggle, till the pain went numb—everywhere. Then he flipped me, wire and all. I watched as his hands come down on me, not being able to move to stop him. He grabbed my nipple ring, flicked it, then pulled, till he had it in firmly between his fingers. Then he kicked me back to my stomach, my raw nipple on the ground, the burn taking over, searing me. The pain, eating me up, making me its bitch. Then numbness, again. I felt nothing. That was the problem now wasn’t it? The pain just went away. Nothing else could be worse than that. Nothing. No tears left my eyes, but I had succumbed to the pain. I didn’t even hear him leave. I laid in my own blood, just staring at it as it pooled around me. Not even moving when a figure walked up to me—Black. His face was shocked, he tried to untie me, but he didn’t have time. He called someone as he left, and I stayed where I was. Backing the pain into the very recesses of my mind, making it all disappear, for good.



CHAPTER 20 JAKE PRESENT Her eyes are wide, her hands no longer touching me. A single tear leaves her face. It’s beautiful that tear, the pain it shows, the pain for me. Maybe she can take it all, maybe she can make it okay if I give it all to her, if I give her the pain that’s buried so deep. The pain I try to restrain—maybe, just maybe. “Jake,” she says, reaching a hand out, reluctant to touch me. I’m too broken. It’s all I am. “You embrace it now, don’t you? That’s why you fuck the way you do.” Bingo! Maybe she’s starting to know me. Maybe she can work me out, ‘cause I sure as shit can’t. “I love it,” I say simply. “What about when we...” she looks down, then back up to me, “…you don’t like that?” she asks referring to when we fucked. I struggle to answer, to really answer her question. A part of me did, I liked it a lot. I was careful with her, not just because of her injuries but because of her. She’ll run otherwise, I know she will. “You can’t give me what I need, Addy. I would never make you give me what I need. My partners are willing, not forced.” “You enjoyed it, though. I know you did.” “Yes, it does not mean it’s something I could live with forever, though.” “You can’t, or you won’t?” “I won’t.” She nods her head, stepping back from me. “Maybe you were right. Maybe this won’t work. Maybe we are too… wrong…” she trails off then turns to grab her bag and walk out. I let her, not wanting to force her, even though a part of me is more than anxious for her to stay.

I’ve spent the week here, at Black’s house. Deciding it’s time to go home, time to see what’s happening, I finally leave. When I arrive, the guys are all on their bikes. Ready to receive the next shipment. Buddy nods to me, and I grab my helmet and pull my bike out of the garage—the one I haven’t been on for months. I feel the revving motor between my thighs. The men stare. Fuck! I’ve been the worst president ever. No wonder my father didn’t want to leave this club to me,

my mind is so fucked. We ride for hours till we reach the designated exchange place. The man who imports the weapons smirks when he sees me and makes his way straight to my bike, not waiting for me to get off before he slaps my back. “Jake,” he says, his American accent thick. “Trev,” I reply removing my helmet. He walks to the crates in the cage, and I follow him. He has four other men, all holding the same guns we came here to collect. Trev and Buddy say their hellos, while I lift one of the crates. One of Trev’s guys, who I don’t recognize slams it shut, just missing my fingers. “Don’t touch,” he spits at me, holding his foot on the box keeping it closed. I know I have a temper, and I think that’s why I tend to stay away from these meetings more often than not. I look back up to the man, who’s now glaring at me, and reach for my knife stabbing it straight through his foot. He screams, while aiming his gun at me until Trev calls his name. He doesn’t lower his gun, he keeps it pointed at me. “Jake. Jake,” Trev says, walking over. He taps his man on the shoulder, but the guy keeps his guns raised. “Meet Alex, your new supplier,” he says pointing to the guy with the gun, the one with the sore fucking foot. Prick. “Well, that’s interesting. No harm man,” I say tapping his shoulder. He stares at where my hand is like it’s dirt. “You stabbed me!” His eyebrows raise, his eyes narrow. “You deserved it,” I say back to him. “You fucking stabbed me!” “We know this. It’s time to move on. Would you like to stab me to make it even?” He looks shocked, but I just smile. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a knife. “Boys…” Trev says, “…no more stabbing.” “He can, it’s only fair.” Buddy walks up shaking his head. “He’s serious,” Buddy says to Trev, who apparently thought I was joking. “No, not happening,” he says lifting the box I tried to open. “I have new business, they say that you referred them. I haven’t agreed to them as I wanted to talk to you first,” Trev says pulling a gun from the box and handing it to me. “Who?” “Some dude named Mick.” I shake my head, that slimy little prick. “No. No dealing with him what-so-ever!” “Pres…” Buddy says in warning, knowing full well I’m about to blow that man’s fucking house down. Last straw. “I have to go, give the shipment to Buddy, he has the payment. And never… I mean never… sell to him!” I point at Trev, he nods his head, knowing full well he can’t afford to lose my business.

The bike purrs when I bring it to a stop at the front of Mick’s place. A man comes to the door, gun in hand and just stares at me. I look around. Dark is enveloping the street, only one street lamp in on at the end. “Mick,” I scream. The man looks behind him, then back to me and clocks his shotgun. A gun that looks very familiar. “Get lost,” the man says, gun pointed in my direction. “He has three seconds to come out, or I am coming in,” I tell him stepping off my bike and walking closer to the front door. “Don’t move,” he replies. The gun doesn’t scare me. What scares me is the woman that comes behind him. “Jake,” she says, her hands folded against her chest. “Why are you here Addy?” She walks next to the man, but he doesn’t remove his eyes from me. “I had nowhere else to go. He found me.” “You can’t be that stupid to come to him.” She shakes her head. “He found me, Jake. I’m his for a few more months.” Her eyes are downcast to the ground. “You are no ones. When are you going to realize that? No one owns you.” She starts to cry. “My mother died, Jake. My father is all I have left. I have to respect his wishes, he’s all I have.” “Get on the bike, Addy.” She looks up to me wide open eyes, shocked. Before either of us have a chance to move or speak, a gun is raised to the side of her head. God, why didn’t I bring Black? “Jakey boy. So glad you could come by,” Mick says, smiling at me, and pushing himself up on Addy. She shivers from his closeness. “Trying to steal my business, Mick.” He nods his head. “Don’t you think it would be better in my hands, compared to someone who can’t even stop intruders from firing up your own clubhouse?” “I’m not sure. We’ll have to see when I blow your house to smithereens.” “Threats Jake… all threats. I follow through on mine, just ask Addy here? Isn’t that right lovely,” he says rubbing the gun along her neck. “She’s about to meet my wife. My wife is a lot like you, so I’ve been told. Likes it rough.” “Don’t you dare.” “But I do dare, and I will, they’ll have so much fun. Also, tell Black I’m not impressed, he didn’t complete his job. Someone has to do it now,” he says stepping back inside, taking her with him. Her eyes are wide, fear etched all over her pretty face.



CHAPTER 21 ADDY I didn’t think I’d see him again, I haven’t seen him for over a week. I went back to my father’s after I left his. Thinking that somehow maybe he’d changed in that short time, and that I could possibly reason with him. It never worked, as soon as I got there, he slapped me. She died, it was my fault, all of it was my fault. He then kept me there, till Mick arrived to take me. Mick’s smile when he saw me sitting there was evil. He was glad his deal was still in place, and that he’d still get his money. A day with him was torture, he’d touch me in places I didn’t want him to touch. He would lick my face, telling me how much he missed me. Then I met his wife, another fucked up version of him. All sick as each other. His hand has hold of my hair as he pulls me back into the house, then kicks the door shut with his foot. I feel the gun lower at my side. At first, I think I won’t get punished, until he grabs hold of my hair and pulls me around so my face is in his face. “He has a soft spot for you. What have you done to him? Huh?” he asks. I shake my head. “I think I can get what I want from him, using you of course.” He throws me by my hair to the floor then I watch as his boots leave the room. I stand and run to the room they put me in, immediately ridding myself of my clothes and jumping into the shower, scrubbing his smell from me. I’m scouring my body so hard, that I don’t hear when someone enters—until they talk. His wife paces around me, her long dark red hair cascades down her back. I attempt to move from the shower, but she points her finger at my head shaking it in a no action. I try to cover myself with the shower curtain, but she rips it free breaking it away from the rail so it falls to the floor. “Get out,” she says pointing to the bedroom. “I want you to lay on the bed.” I stand and walk to it, reaching for a shirt when she stops me. “Naked,” she says, pushing a knife into my skin. I walk to the bed and lay my head down on it. She watches what I do, then she sits next to me and stares. “I wondered what he saw in you,” she says, looking at me. “Keep your hands above your head.” I do as she says, while she begins to run the knife along my belly with a smile. “He used me,” I try to reason with her. She nods her head. “He uses all the pretty ones.” Her smile is menacing. I move my hand under the pillow, trying to find something, anything. Nothing is there. “I heard he has a thing for you,” she says. Then with the confused look on my face, she clarifies, “Jake.” I’ve seen her before, she smiles at me. “You starting to recognize me, lovely?” “You. You, were with him?” I ask her. “My relationship with Mick is very open. He knows I like to fuck Jake. I like the way Jake fucks, he

fulfills me. He knows who I am, he always has. He did want me to seduce him, make him love me. Jake couldn’t love though. Mick wants everything Jake has, always has.” “What’s this got to do with me?” She runs the knife up and down my stomach. “Don’t you want me to teach you how to make Jake love you? I can do that. I can teach you how to make him happy. You do know he only fucks the same person twice. How many times has he fucked you? He fucks me whenever I need it. I’m greedy, he knows this.” “More than three times,” I lie. She shakes her head at me. “Lying will only hurt you, sweetheart,” she says. I go to move. That name—I hate that name. She digs the knife in a bit, to stop me from moving anywhere. She picks up her phone, keeps the knife on me as she pushes the digits on her phone and places the call on speaker. “What?” the voice asks. “Jake,” she says. Then looks to me smiling. “Sora, don’t you touch her,” he says, his voice threatening. “She tells lies, Jakey. She needs to be punished. I’m the only one that gets you all the time. You should know this. I know this.” The knife she has in her hand drags across my stomach, making blood come to the surface. She does it again, a little deeper and I scream, but all she does is smile. “You are Sora. You’re the only one that understands me. Now let her go, and come to me, I have an itch that only you can scratch.” She moves the knife and pays more attention to the call. I manage to move, her eyes not even worried about me anymore. “What’s so special about her? You know you could keep me, Jake. I don’t love, Mick,” she whines. I grab the nearest piece of clothing, then run to the open window. I hear her tell me to come back, but I don’t listen as I run as fast as I can. I run till I reach my old apartment. The door is open, my things are everywhere. I haven’t been back, afraid that I had nothing left to go back to. I slam the door shut, and look down at the shirt that’s covering my body. It has blood stains on the front courtesy of Sora. I lift it away from my stomach, it stings when the air hits the open wounds. I step over to the sink and manage to find a clean cloth. Just as I wet it, my front door flies open. I scream and hold up the washcloth, not realizing that it’s not exactly a weapon. “I hope you plan to clean my boots with that,” Jake says standing tall next to Black. I drop it and drop to my ass on the floor. I hear footsteps when they walk to me. Jake’s hand touches my shoulder, and I flinch, not wanting his touch. “Don’t touch me,” I say to him, shivering. “We need to go, Addy,” he says in a kinder voice. I shake my head. “No. I’m not going anywhere near any of you fuckers again. Just fuck off!” “Your woman has a swearing problem, bro,” Black says to Jake. I shake my head at them and stand throwing the shirt from my body, exposing my stomach and the cuts. His eyes train in on them. “Does this turn you on? Does this make you want to fuck me?” I walk closer, my naked body almost flush with his, his eyes stay trained on my stomach.

“Addy…” he says reaching out. “I said don’t touch me.” “Bro, you should listen to her. Naked and crazy… aren’t a very good combo,” Black says. We both turn to him, forgetting he was even there. “Addy, cover up.” He takes the shirt off his back, handing it to me. I throw it back at him. “Addy… clothes.” I walk to my old bedroom, hoping there’s something here. All I find is an old dress, my room has been completely destroyed. When I walk back out, they’re both standing there talking silently. Jake’s face in serious conversation with Black. “You both need to leave,” I say pointing to the door. “No,” Jake says crossing his arms. “I’m leaving, and to do that, I need you to leave.” “Where do you plan to go, Addy?” I throw my hands up in the air. “Anywhere away from you.” He actually looks hurt when I say that. It takes a lot for me not to immediately take those words back. They work, though. He grabs his shirt and marches out the front door, whispering to Black on his way out. “That includes you, too,” I say to Black. He walks to the bench and grabs an apple and takes a bite. “Unless you plan on growing wings and flying somewhere I don’t know about, you need a lift. Someone who won’t kill you perhaps?” “Now… you won’t kill me?” I laugh at him. “Yep. Now that you have my man all tied up in knots, I plan to not kill you. Thank your lucky stars and let’s go.” “I don’t have my wallet,” I say defeated. “I have a man, who can handle all that. Now let’s go before he decides walking out wasn’t smart,” he says turning and walking to the door. I follow, having nowhere else to go.



CHAPTER 22 JAKE He told me she’s gone. That he took her to the airport, gave her money, and she left. I don’t know how to handle that information. The way she told me not to touch her, the way her eyes shone with fear when I stepped closer to her. Am I the monster I’ve grown to be? I don’t inflict the dark side of me onto those who don’t want it or deserve it. So am I really that much of a monster? Black walks back into my house— days after he dropped her off and I haven’t heard a thing from her—he slams the door shut and walks over to me. “Get out of this rut,” is all he says. A man of few words, I swear. “I’m not in a rut, asshole.” “You lost her. She isn’t your mix, you just don’t fit.” “Says who?” “Says her…” “Well, I guess relationships are like farts, hey? If you gotta push them, all you get is shit.” “You didn’t push it, Jake. And what a fucked up analogy.” He shakes his head at me. “Why are you here, Black?” “I’ve come to help you. Though, if you tell Rose, I will personally kill you… with my gun.” I give him a weird look. What on earth is he talking about? “Help me? How?” “Sora will be at your house in the next few days. She’s wanting you. Then in a few days’ time, I will have Mick.” He smiles. “I could just go there now and blow the fucker up. Why would I need your help?” I cock my eyebrow at him. “Because he’s in hiding, and will be coming out soon for business. Business with me.” “You don’t know where he is now?” He shakes his head. “Get your shit and go home,” he says walking out the door.

I’m a terrible pres, my father was right. I suck at it. I’ve been off the radar for months, only popping in when it suits me. The men all treat me with respect, they don’t doubt me at all. The problem is, I doubt myself.

Everything is fixed, it’s like it was before, except for new walls. The boys did a great job repairing the clubhouse, so I reward their efforts and hire a few hookers and order booze. Soon everyone’s partying, everyone’s drinking, men are grabbing women, some even fucking them out in the yard. They all have a drink, and I’m sitting down just watching it like it’s a fucking movie playing out in front of me. A woman walks up to me, her curves round and just like Addy’s. Her eyes are dark, just like Addy’s. She places a seductive hand on my shoulder, puckering her lips. Buddy smiles when he sees her, and nods his head. I’d usually fuck those who look nothing like the person I want. I haven’t fucked a blonde in a long time, I tend to go for the opposite. Though tonight, I want to fuck her. I want to fuck her hard, without the knives, to see if I can enjoy it. To see if I get the same pleasure I do with Addy without the knives. I loved fucking Addy. It just didn’t reach that high—that high I get with the fear. I wondered for ages if I just was a little rougher with her, would that have been enough? I don’t bother taking her up the stairs to the rooms, there’s no point, she isn’t special. I pull her around to the side of the house. She’s already stripping her clothes as we walk—eager bitch she is. By the time we stop, she’s naked, and the closer I see her, the more I don’t want her. She isn’t what I need, she’s nothing like what I want. “Come on, baby,” she says reaching for my pants. She pulls them down and drops to her knees. She knows what to do, she’s not new to this. Her mouth is around my cock, she’s sucking hard, trying to get me as hard as possible. I can’t. It’s not happening. I grab her arm and turn her. She bends over, shoving her ass at me, giving me the go ahead, all I want. I slide a condom on, grab her hair hard—wishing it was curly—and slam into her, pulling her body back into me with each thrust by her hair. She screams, and I can’t tell the difference if it’s pleasure or pain, but at the moment I don’t care. I repeat it, and repeat it, hoping it works, hoping I come. After several attempts, I push her off me, grabbing my jeans and pulling them up. She stands and smiles, then takes a step toward me, her hand out ready to touch me. I shake my head no and walk away, straight to my room and shut the door. Her smell is everywhere when I enter, her things still in my room. I grab my phone and decide to call her, hoping she may answer. On the fourth ring, I’m about to hang up when her voice comes through. “Hello…” I sit there not sure what I’m meant to say to her. Why did I even ring her? “Hello…” she says again. “Addy,” I say. I hear her breathing deeper. “Jake…” she pushes out. I nod my head realizing that was stupid. “Yeah.” “Why did you call, Jake?” “You said your mother died.” I slap my forehead. Seriously, who starts a conversation off about their dead mother? “Yeah. I go to see a lawyer tomorrow.” “Here?” I ask sitting up straighter, hopeful. “Yes, Jake.” “Can I see you?”

She pauses for a long time, I think she’s gone before she speaks again. “Ten o’clock tomorrow at the coffee house,” she says. “I’m sorry, Addy,” I reply before she can hang up on me. “I know, Jake, I know…” Then we both stay silent, she hangs up before I do. I just sit there, with the phone to my ear wondering if seeing her again is smart.



CHAPTER 23 ADDY I flew states away to just end up back here again. It annoys me the most that I had to come back. I visited the lawyer’s office first thing this morning. As it turns out, everything my father owned, was in my mother’s name, and everything that my mother owned was left to me. That means, his businesses that he wanted to sell me for are now all mine, including the building he’s living in—left to me. The phone he uses is even mine. He had nothing in his name using my mother’s name on everything, even after the accident. He doesn’t know any of this, and he won’t know any of this until I tell him and evict him. With the use of his own bodyguards, who are now also mine. My leg is bouncing up and down as I sit here earlier than I intended waiting for Jake. I don’t know why I agreed to meet him. I should have said no, do what I need to do, and then leave again. I couldn’t say no, something about him makes it hard for me to say no. I watch as he finally arrives, he’s early. He looks good, he always looks good. That’s a part of the problem isn’t it—seeing him, being near him, it’s hard. He walks closer to me, sunglasses covering his face, and sits down opposite me. He leans over and places a kiss on my cheek, hovering longer than necessary. Before he sits back and looks at me. “Addy,” he says, his voice gruff. His voice is another weakness, it’s rough, but mixed with light. It oozes self-confidence. I smile at him, and he orders a coffee. I sit there in silence, unsure of what I’m meant to say. I’ve missed him, even though he scares me. “I have your things in my car,” he says looking over his shoulder at his car then back to me. “You could have thrown them out,” I say, and he shakes his head. “Thank you.” “Are you leaving again?” he asks, removing the glasses so I can see his eyes. “Yes.” “When?” he asks straight away. “My flight is in a few hours. I have a few things to do, then I’m gone.” “You really don’t want to stay here?” I shake my head no. “I really don’t want to stay here, Jake. This place is not for me.” “So…” he says lost for words. “You could always visit.” He smirks slightly. “Are you still scared of me, Addy?” I don’t know if I should answer that. I do anyway, he deserves it for looking out for me. “Yes, Jake, I am.” “I would never hurt you, Addy. You must know that?” I do know that. “It’s not you I’m scared of. It’s that part of you, the sex part of you that scares me, Jake. The part you

need to survive. I can’t do that, and it wouldn’t be right for me to hold that part back from you.” His face constricts, I want to touch it to push those lines away, I don’t want to hurt him. “How are you? How’s your arm and hand.” I show him my hand, only a single bandage covers it now, and I can move my arm without causing any pain. “It’s good. I’m working at a bar again, so thankfully it all works out fine.” “Where are you going after this?” “My father’s,” I tell him. He stands holding his hand out. “I’m coming with you.” I should tell him no, I should tell him I can do it by myself, but I don’t. I take his offered hand, and climb into his car giving him the instructions, and watch out the window as we drive. We pull up to his building. Jake stops the car, and looks up, clearly not expecting this to be the place. “He’s rich?” he asks. I nod my head and climb out. He slides out and walks up to me, grabbing my hand as we step into the building. “Don’t be nervous, Addy, he won’t hurt you.” He will. His words hurt me, more than anything physical does. No one is at the door when I arrive at his level. When I go to open it, it’s unlocked. I push the door open and cover my mouth with the smell that permeates every surface. It stinks like a bar that someone has never cleaned, and where people have spewed. Jake squeezes my hand that he’s still holding, and I can’t even thank him. My eyes settle on my father, who’s passed out on the floor, looking like shit and like I’ve never seen him before. “Dad,” I say seeing if he’ll wake. He doesn’t. I grab a glass of water off the bench and pour it over him. He sits up fast, grabbing his head in the process. He looks up to me, then at my connected hand with Jake. “What are you doing here,” he says standing. His clothes are dirty, his hair hasn’t been done in what looks days, his beard has grown unruly—he never lets it grow. “I spoke to the lawyer today.” He looks surprised and walks to the sofa sitting back on it, closing his eyes for a second. “And what did them bastards want, Addy? My money?” “Actually, it’s not your money.” His eyes open and he actually looks at me, then shakes his head at Jake, who hasn’t spoken a word. “And whose money is it, Addy? Please enlighten me?” “It's mine.” He stands fast, his hand coming up. Jake stops him, grabs his hand and pulls it away from me. He looks at Jake, who still has hold of his arm and laughs when he pulls it away. “You turned down my offer… for this?” He waves his hand in front of Jake, who stands there with a deadly stare watching my father. “I am handing you your notice. You need to be out in ten days, and that’s being lenient… father.” “You think you can kick me out of my own house? And take all my money?” He steps closer to me, but

Jake steps closer. He notices and looks to him quickly before his eyes set back on me. “My lawyer will be here tomorrow. Didn’t you know you had everything in her name? Guess who she left everything to?” His face goes red. “She wouldn’t have…” “She did. Now I have all the power. All the money. Ten days. Goodbye, father.” I don’t turn back around on our way out. When we enter the elevator, I release a breath I didn’t know I was holding, and Jake grabs hold of my hand again squeezing it tightly. I look to him and smile, he offers me the same thing. Then he drives me to the airport, where we sit not speaking as we wait for me to leave. “I’m sorry I’m not the one,” I say. I wish I was. I have very strong feelings for him, feelings that have smacked me hard and fast. He turns to me while rubbing the spot between his eyes and takes a deep breath. I watch everything he does memorizing him. “You can’t fix broken.” I lean in and kiss his cheek, he moves so my lips land on his. His hands grab my face holding me in position. I love kissing him, the way his mouth works mine like he owns it. The way his hands are rough and dominant like he knows exactly what he wants to take hold of, so he grabs my ass. He comes up, biting the edge of my lip before releasing it. “Will you visit me?” Selfish? Yes, I know. He looks conflicted, unsure. “Possibly,” is the only answer I receive. I take it. He stays until I can’t wait anymore. I think I left him with some part of me, a part I don’t want back.



CHAPTER 24 JAKE I let her go, I didn’t fight. What’s the point? No need in fighting for someone who doesn’t want to be with you, even if their body does. I watch as she walks off, staying there for minutes, even after I can’t see her anymore. I end up back at the clubhouse, it’s quiet. I’m expecting Sora tonight. I wonder if she’s dumb enough to come by herself? I also wonder how I will hurt her because my normal won’t work on her. She’s like me, the pain we love, the pain she craves. So I have to think of something new, something that will scare her, possibly kill her. I’d like to kill her, even though Black told me not to. He told me it’s Mick we kill, it’s Mick we will torture, not Sora. Even though she’s the one that made Addy run, she’s the one that scared her away and made her afraid of me. Buddy walks into the room, he’s always close when I’m near, he’s never too far away. He smirks and tells me what I need to hear. “She’s coming,” he says just as I pick up the sound of her heels clicking up the stairs. He walks off, I follow him out to the hallway, shutting my door behind me. She grins when she sees me, her red lips pucker. Her hand comes up to my shoulder, brushing it. “In the room,” I say to her. She listens and moves straight into the room, tearing off her dress as she enters. I grab the ropes, and she spreads her arms and her legs for me to tie her up. She doesn’t even think I’ll hurt her badly, she thinks because she frequents my bed that she’s special. She isn’t. “You’ve been bad, Sora.” She lifts her body, wriggling, letting me know she’s turned on. I pull a pair of scissors from the bag that we use. She smiles brightly as I run it along her body. She pushes into it, wanting to bleed. I run it all the way up her to hair, and she stops moving—she loves her hair, takes pride in it. “Jake…” she warns. She can’t stop me, that’s the fun part. She can’t move. “Do you think you can still get what you want with no hair, Sora?” I watch her for a reaction. She freezes, her eyes go wide as she looks back at me. “Don’t Jake.” “Don’t what, Sora? Who gave you permission to hurt my woman? Who gave you the right for you to think you could do that?” “Mick. Mick made me do it. Don’t Jake.” “He may have told you to play with her, but you took it too far, Sora. You made her bleed, you hurt what was mine.” Her head shakes now. “Don’t Jake! Punish me, cut me.” “I will cut you, Sora. I’m going to cut your hair.”

She starts to scream as I cut the first lock of her long red hair from her head. I show it to her, such a simple and easy thing to do. So precious to her, to someone who doesn’t care about pain, but cares for her hair like it’s her lifeline. I do it again. Cutting, cutting all her hair off. She cries, but not from the pain I can inflict, from things I can take. This is my easiest torture yet. Mick is going to love looking at his wife now. I untie her, her face red, her hair in patches but mostly bald. She stands and tries to hit me, then grabs her dress and runs out. Buddy walks in laughing his ass off, bending over in laughter. “Did you...” he can’t even finish he’s laughing so loudly, “…cut her hair? Is that your kind of foreplay now?” He laughs again. “No, you dickhead. That was her torture.” He loses it again, bending back over. “I need a new haircut, I like your torture.” “I can cut other things if you’re interested?” I snap the scissors looking down at his cock, he covers it and shuts up almost immediately. “Fuck that, keep your kinky shit to yourself,” he says walking out, throwing a laugh as he does.

“What did you do?” Black asks as I walk into his house. Rose smiles and takes the kids and walks out. “What do you mean, what did I do?” I sit across from him in the lounge room. “Don’t play games with me, there’s a hit on you now. One I was told to do,” he says shaking his head. “What bloody job is this you’re doing?” He told me he was out of work. “You know what I do, I work for Sax’s company.” “Sax told you to shoot me?” He shakes his head. “No you idiot, he told me I was hired specifically to shoot you. Will you listen?” “You’re a dick.” “No, you’re a dick, you dick. Stop making my life harder.” He turns his attention back to the television effectively ending the conversation. “I did have fun, though.” He turns back to me muting the television. “Just tell me what you did?” “I cut all of Sora’s hair off,” I say proudly. He looks at me, not blinking. “Can you repeat that? Because to me, it sounded like you were a school girl in a cat fight for a second.” “Oh… a cat fight, I love me one of those,” I say slapping my hands together. “Jake, are you serious? You cut her hair to torture her? Please tell me this is another one of your jokes?”

“No joke, cut that shit, all of it.” He drops his head into his hands. “Why do I bother with you? Seriously, should I just kill you? End my nightmare?” “If you can, bitch.” He shakes his head at me. “You’re such a tool. Go and help Rose in the kitchen and leave me alone, before I do something I probably won’t regret.” “Yes, Dad,” I reply cheekily, and he throws a pillow at my head. “Liam,” I say walking in. He’s attached to his mother’s legs, watching her cook. She turns to smile at me, and I feel nothing. When did that happen? “Uncle Jake,” he says running to me. I grab and spin him around. He kisses my cheek, and I walk with him on my hip to Rose and kiss her cheek. “You stressing out Liam… again?” she asks referring to Black. I smile, and she shakes her head. “Thought so. A lot of tension for me to work off then, ha?” she jokes with me. I can’t help but smile at her retort. She notices. “What’s changed, Jake?” She stops cooking and turns to face me. Looking me up and down. “I think I might make some changes.” She smiles at me. “Good. Let me know how I can help.” That’s Rose, not caring what, just willing to do it.



CHAPTER 25 ADDY Dating, who invented dating? Especially speed dating. I hate it, seriously hate it, the things I do to make friends happy. Becca smiles as we walk out, clearly she’s had a good night, whereas I detested it. I met Becca a few months ago when I started working at the bar. I don’t need to work. I have enough money to never have to work again, but that’s bloody–blood money that my father earned. I ended up not being as cruel as I thought I could be to him. So I send him money, let him stay in that building—just not the penthouse—and send him the rent money the penthouse brings in. He still won’t speak to me, but he does cash my checks which I find funny. I haven’t heard from Jake, but I do actually hear from Rose. She never brings him up. She fills me in on her life, tells me about the kids, always asking how I am. I usually ask how Black is, hoping it will lead to Jake, but it never does. She knows what I’m doing. I wonder if I did the right thing? I know I did deep inside me, I just miss him. We end up walking back to my apartment, Becca having one too many cocktails during speed dating. I had one too many simply because I dislike cocktails. “I liked number three… a lot.” She giggles while I unlock the door. “You can’t be serious. He talks so weirdly.” “He did not,” she defends—the creeper talked like a man child. “You had too many drinks to notice,” I say as we enter. My phone starts ringing, I answer it seeing Rose’s name on the screen. “Rose,” I greet her. Becca walks off to the fridge and grabs a bottle of water. “Hey, I wanted to invite you to a small birthday party I’m having, just drinks out. I know it’s a bit for you to travel and late notice, just thought I would try anyway.” “When is it?” “Next weekend.” “Can I get back to you? I just have to check my roster at work.” “Yes. Oh and Addy, Jake will be there,” she says as she hangs up. Turning around I see Becca passed out on my couch. Walking to my room, I remove the tight clothes I’m dressed in and climb in my bed drifting slowly off to sleep, thinking of a man who has too many tattoos. As usual.

I actually own the bar I work at. Purchasing it when I received my mother’s inheritance, not my father’s, her money. I still haven’t touched his money. When I walk in the next day it’s already busy, the

bar is packed. A sports game is on, so it’s full of rowdy men. Becca bounces up to me like she didn’t pass out the night before and smiles brightly. She’s always smiling. “So, you going?” she asks, making me wonder what she’s talking about. “To your friends? I heard you on the phone. Is that the friend that’s friends with the guy you like?” She hears and knows too much. “Yes, nosey body, it is.” “Thought so… so you going?” She starts to clean the glasses, while talking to me, keeping her hands busy. “I haven’t decided.” “You should. You should go and fuck his brains out. Get him out of your head.” “His sex scares me.” I tell her the truth. She stops wiping the glasses. “What do you mean scares you? Like is he a kink master?” “What does that even mean?” I say laughing at her. “Like… he loves kink. You know… ropes, anal beads, knives… all the fun things,” she says raising both her eyebrows. “Yes,” I say remembering the knives. She raises her hand, but I don’t slap it. “Seriously, how was it? What does he use? Don’t tell me all of it, because then I would be totally jealous.” “Becca, that isn’t normal.” “Addy, you need to remove that stick up your ass. Don’t knock it till you try it,” she says picking up the glasses again as she goes back to cleaning. “You don’t understand, Becca. It’s not like that, he cuts when he fucks.” “How do you know?” “I saw it. I saw him fucking her, then cutting her.” “We don’t need to cut, Addy. We just need the fear of release.” My eyes bulge open, and I stare at her. “You can’t be serious?” She nods her head. “He doesn’t need to cut you. He just likes to play. Have you played with him, Addy? Have you even tried it?” “She cut me… had me on a bed and cut me.” She touches my shoulder, pulling me in for a hug. “It’s different. It’s different in the act of sex, it’s not for the pain unless that’s what he wants it for. It’s for the pleasure.” “What if it’s for the pain?” Her eyes go big as she looks at me. “Run,” is all she says as she walks off, leaving me standing there wondering what if. What if it is for the pain? Or what if it was just for the pleasure? I suppose I never asked, didn’t care to. What I saw scared me too much to care.



CHAPTER 26 JAKE Black smiles as we wait outside. I’m still not used to it—his smiles. They take me back, and kind of scare the shit out of me. “You need to stop that,” I say to him, he smiles again. “What?” I wave my hand at his face. “That! That whole face thing. It needs to stop. It’s freaky as shit.” “Shut the fuck up,” he says looking back at the building. “Are you ready?” We watch as some of the men leave the house. Then we watch as Sora leaves. I can’t help but chuckle and nudge Black’s side. “Check out the hair,” I tell him. “I still can’t believe you did that.” He shakes his head. “Seriously… some of my best work!” “Will you shut the fuck up! We’re here to kill, not fucking gossip.” “Did you tell Rose about the hair? She would’ve understood.” He turns to face me, his lips in a straight line, his eyebrows slanting, he is angry. “Seriously, shut the fuck up before I think it’s smarter to kill you.” “You’d miss me too much.” He glares at me now, we both turn when we hear the front door slam shut. The lights go out and I grab the bag of cement, Black grabs his. We walk to the back of the house, pulling a bin around with us. “You’re not really gonna do this are you?” Black whispers to me. I nod my head smiling. “Seriously fucked… is what you are. And they say I’m fucked?” he says turning the water on then heading up to the back door, shaking his head and mumbling some shit. I mix up the cement in the bin, then follow Black up the stairs. He walks into the room, where the light is shining through as he opens it. Mick is on the bed, playing with his phone. No one else around. He jumps up when he notices us, standing on top of his bed and reaching out for the gun next to him. Before he has a chance, Black shoots, knocking the gun away, making Mick scream as it hits him. “You fucking cunts,” he swears at us. Then he tries again, this time I don’t let him get far grabbing him by the foot, tripping him up. He falls straight from the bed he was standing on, and flat on his face. His screams fill the apartment, making Black angry. “I don’t deal well with noise,” he says walking to him gun raised in hand but I stop him. He steps back looking down at Mick like he’s a parasite. “Mine, remember?” I tell him walking up to Mick, and kneeling down in front of him.

“Remember those men you sent to my house because you were too much of a bitch to do anything for yourself?” “Fuck you,” he replies through bloody teeth. “No Mick, fuck you,” I say grabbing him by his hair and making him stand. I don’t let go as we walk out the back. He tries to pull free and knows he won’t get far with Black having a gun trained to his back. We walk to the bin, I smile as I look into it—my favorite new thing. I dreamt of it. It came to me and I wanted to see if it worked. What better way to try it than with scum. “What’s that?” he asks pulling back as I push a stick into it to give it a stir. “It’s your destiny,” I say smiling. “It’s almost ready.” “I’m not getting in that,” he says trying to back away. I grab him again, punching him hard in his gut. “You didn’t get your money, did you?” I ask him, he thrashes at me. “You must be pissed. Oh, and how do you like your wife’s new hair? You reckon I could be a hairdresser?” “I’ll kill you.” I lean in closer. “Not if I kill you first,” I say stabbing him in his stomach. He didn’t expect it and doubles over. I leave the knife in place. “I wouldn’t take that out, it’ll hurt more if you do. Trust me,” I tell him. Black walks over and knocks him out. He falls onto me. We pick him up—he’s a heavy son of a bitch. “I don’t like you enough to do this shit,” Black complains as we throw him in the bin feet first. “This is my best dream yet, man. I loved the wall with Robby. But this… oh man.” He doesn’t speak as we position him, he’s in up to his neck, his hands placed in the concrete. “How long does this take?” “Minutes,” I say watching the cement set. I touch it and it’s feeling stronger, it’s going to start to burn soon. He wakes screaming, and I shut him up by shoving a sock in his mouth. He tries to move, the cement holding him firmly in place, making it difficult to move. Oh, and it would be burning like a motherfucker. “Do we sit here and wait?” Black asks as I step back, waiting for his muffled screams to quiet. “I could see if he has some popcorn?” He doesn’t even bother retorting, he just watches Mick scream through the sock in his mouth, watching as his eyes bulge from the burn of the cement as it eats into his skin. I walk to him. He’s now too tired, in too much pain to move. “I told you not to fuck with me.” He doesn’t answer, his breaths are becoming heavier and more labored—the cement suffocating him nice and slow. “We can go now,” I tell Black as we watch him breathe his last breaths. “Don’t you think we should actually stay and watch him die? That kind of backfired on you last time.” I shrug my shoulders. “Na,” I say walking off. I turn when I hear the sound of a gun blast, Black’s shot him straight between the eyes. “Well, I’m not coming to save your ass a second time,” he says walking ahead of me. He loves me.

“I invited her,” Rose says as we sit down for dinner. “Invited who, Rose?” She looks down on her plate and pushes her food around. “Addy. I invited her for my birthday tomorrow night.” She tells me this now? “You speak to her?” “I do.” “Does she ask? About me?” She shakes her head no. “I can tell she wants to, she just hasn’t. She hasn’t said she’ll come, I just thought I should tell you in case she does.” “So she may not come?” She nods her head. What would happen if she did? I haven’t seen her, haven’t spoken to her.



CHAPTER 27 ADDY The music assaults my ears when I enter the club, bodies are everywhere. It’s so different to the place I work at. I try to look for them, to see them in the crowd of bodies that are everywhere. I can’t. I walk to the bar, order a drink when a familiar figure stands next to me. One that makes me shake in my boots. “Black,” I say greeting him. He nods to me, grabs his drink, then nods straight ahead. I see a large group of people sitting in a booth, Black walks across, placing his hands on Rose’s shoulder and leaning down to kiss her cheek. She ducks her head, kissing his cheek back. Then I spot him. He’s sitting near them. A woman is chatting to him, one I haven’t seen before. I look down at my clothes, making sure I look all right. I have on black leather pants, a white top, and my hair is flowing down my back. He looks up when I walk over to them, his eyes focusing in on me. I try not to look at him, to keep my eyes off of him. It’s impossible when he holds your stare. So intense. Rose stands when I reach them, encasing me in a hug. She lets go, and Black pulls her back down to him, keeping her close. She giggles loudly, then sips her drink. She’s obviously having a great time. Jake stands and reaches out to me, he leans in and kisses my cheek as well, lingering for a second before he backs away. Then he sits back down where the girl is seated and is drinking shots. Casey pulls my hand to sit next to her. Sax, her partner, is talking to Jake, who’s looking at the floor. I look at his hands, which are usually encased around a drink, but tonight, he has nothing. His hands are entwined together, his thumb rubbing over the top of his hand. “I’m so glad you could come,” Rose yells over the music. I smile at her, and she stands, pulling Casey up to dance. They have their own little section, so it’s not so crowded up here. Black stands behind her, she sways her hips with Casey, singing the song out loud as they dance. I watch as she leans back into him, him staying still, a single hand on her watching her. He claims whatever she does like he’s afraid she’s about to run, or he’s about to run, I’m not sure which. They are tied together, both their hands always touching one another, always making sure the other is not too far away. “Addy,” Jake says, now sitting by himself. Sax has walked away, so he’s directly in front of me. “Jake, you look good,” I tell him the truth. He does, he really does look good. He’s dressed similarly to Black, all in black. He looks like sex. He smirks at me. “I could eat you that’s how good you look,” he says leaning in closer to me. Our faces nearer, so we can hear each other clearly over the music. “Still the same I see,” I joke with him. His eyes go vacant for a second before he smiles. “Always, wouldn’t have me any other way, would ya?” “Maybe with some sweet talk, and manners,” I joke back with him. “Manners, I have all the manners in the world. I would be the first to tell ya I’d fuck ya where you sit. Plus, I get bonus points for sweet talking too, right?” My smile comes naturally, and his follows. “How’s work? Life?”

“Let’s have some drinks, do some dancing. I work in this all the time, I don’t want to talk about it,” I tell him standing up and reaching for his hand. Rose watches and smiles sadly as she sees us walk past. I try to think about what that smile means, or what it holds. We keep going straight to the bar, order some drinks, including Jake’s regular drink. As soon as I have mine, I swallow it, sliding Jake’s to him. I turn wondering why it’s still on the bench while he’s watching me. “You not drinking?” I ask him lifting his glass. He shakes his head. Very unlike him. I grab his drink and drink that too. We stand in an awkward silence for a moment before he speaks, “Dance?” he asks looking over his shoulder at the crowded dance floor. “You dance?” I ask him with a smirk. He shrugs his shoulders and pulls me out. We stop near the end of the dance floor, not so many people in this area, and he pulls me to him. Touching my hips, I start to sway and he does the same. His eyes are on my hips, my eyes are on him. He looks up, a glint in his eyes as he watches me. “I’ve missed you, Addy.” “You could have come and visited me,” I tell him like I said he could. “You were starting a new life. You don’t want me in it.” He shakes his head. “I didn’t,” I tell him honestly. Then I do the stupidest thing, confusing me, as well as him, only going to make all this that much more challenging, I kiss him. Because I miss his demanding kisses, the way he holds me tight, pinching pieces of me like he owns them. He’s my storybook kisser, with a hint of the devil. He pulls away first, laying his head on my mine. Our foreheads touching, just looking down, wondering what the fuck we’re doing, or why we’re even doing it. We don’t seem to understand it—I don’t understand it—I don’t even know what I feel for him exactly. I just know it’s more than I’ve ever felt for any other man, and that scares me the most. “What are we doing?” I say more to myself than to him. He doesn’t answer, and we walk back to where everyone else is sitting and take a seat like none of that ever happened. We don’t talk for the rest of the night, but his hands stay on my back, not moving. His hand glued to me. No one seems to notice, no one but Rose that is.



CHAPTER 28 JAKE I can’t keep my hands to myself. I’m trying to not touch her or to want to be near her, but it’s impossible. A lot has changed for me in the last six months, a lot of me has changed. I’m still broken, that will never change. No matter how hard I try, it still grips me when I least expect it. Takes a hold and I have to fight it for release. I didn’t realize before, it took me a while, but when I’m with her it doesn’t grip. When I can see her dark chocolate eyes, it doesn’t take a hold of me. That’s meant to mean something, right? Rose says it does. I tell that woman way too much. She knows way too much about me. Her kind eyes smile at everyone in the group. She stays where she is, glued to the seat, even when she’s asked to dance. I like to think it’s because my hands are on her, keeping her positioned in place. She glances my way, her smile kind, seductive. She isn’t drinking like everyone else. She had those few drinks at the bar, and not a drop since. She leans into me, to whisper into my ear. Her tits peek through her top, my imagination runs wild. I want to grab them again, to touch them once more. “Wanna get out of here?” Her voice is husky. My back instantly straightens as I grab her tighter. “Is that a trick question?” I ask standing offering her my hand. She looks shyly at it, takes it and stands. We wave goodbye, me ushering her out the door as fast as we can move. We walk to my car, but she pulls me away from it, walking us further down the street. She stops when she reaches one of the nicer hotels in this area, entering a card to give us access. She smiles kindly at the man on the elevator, I don’t even notice him. Eyes solely on her. “Should we be doing this?” she questions when we enter the elevator, looking everywhere but at me. I grab her hand, place it on my cock. Her eyes go wide, she squeezes me. “We should, and we are.” The door dings open and I follow her to the room. As soon as it’s opened, I grab her waist, her back pushed against my front. I move her hair to the side, kissing my way up her neck. She leans back into me, rubbing herself on me, making it even worse, making me want her even more. “You should have run when you could,” I whisper into her ear. I feel goosebumps break out over her skin. She turns to me, pushing herself on me. I chant in my head that I need restraint. Restraint so I don’t scare her, needing to give her, her vanilla. It’s hard, so hard when all you want to do is take her—take her to places that are dark, and you know she’ll never return from. “Touch me,” she says backing up and removing her shirt. She starts to unbutton her pants, shimmying them down her legs as she backs away, all the way to the couch. I touch her waist, softly, then pull her body flush and hard against mine. She’s left in her G-string. I push her backward, after kissing her, her back arched over the couch, her legs lifting from the floor. Then I split her legs, taking them in each hand. She can’t see me, her head is down, her body up. I pull her G-string to the side, kissing her belly, then my mouth lands where it wants to be, on her. She gasps. I

tease, licking her up, then down, missing the most sensitive parts of her. I feel her body tense, she’s trying to sit up, to be able to touch me or her, I’m not sure. Then I lick her hard, harder than intended on her clit, making her body jump. I do it again, then again softly while she squirms, not speaking. Then my tongue starts circling her clit with one finger inserted, I feel her tense, my tongue fucking her like a madman. Another finger, this time lower, two fingers in different areas. She squeezes both, and screams in surprise as the orgasm rips through her, making her try to reach for me, to touch me. I stand, removing all my clothes. When I look back at her, her hands are on her breasts, she’s squeezing them, her mouth wide open. I pull her legs, her body comes upward, her legs wrapping around me. She hasn’t opened her eyes at all. I grab her hair, pulling it so her head snaps back, her eyes flick open in surprise, or fear. I lick her neck, one path to her mouth, then kiss her, making her taste herself, her fucking fabulous self. The taste that I know I’m addicted to and now I’m fucked. Her lips leave mine for a second, then I slam into her, her legs still open and wrapped around me giving me easy entry with her pussy wet and waiting. She pushes into me further, keeping up my rhythm, making me go even deeper. Her eyes find mine. It’s the first time she’s really looked at me since I’ve touched her, and they shine full of lust. I grab her neck, my fingers wanting to squeeze. They touch her, just barely, hands wrapped around wanting to apply pressure but they just don’t. Her eyes open in surprise, she knows what I’m doing and knows I’m holding back. “Do it,” she says in between breaths. She doesn’t understand what she’s saying. “Do it,” she screams as I don’t stop my assault on her. I watch her eyes for the truth, then my fingers squeeze, just barely at first, my thrusts becoming even more frantic. I squeeze that little bit harder, her breaths become harder, mine become faster. Her eyes go large when she comes. She looks surprised. My hands automatically squeeze harder, riding it out. She slaps at my hands when I realize it’s too rough. I come, breathing hard and heavy. She touches my back when I lay my head on her shoulder, still inside her. She pats my back, kissing my neck. “Kink…” She laughs, and I can’t help but laugh back, even though I may have just scared her for life. “I liked it,” she says surprising me. I lift my head, too afraid a second ago to gauge her reaction. But when I do, she’s smiling. “I thought you hated it?” I question, lifting and walking her to the couch instead of the back of it. She chuckles as she clings to me. “You’re very gentle with me, did you know that?” She’s teasing me. “It scared you,” I say remembering her reaction. “It did,” she says, then smiles. “You did too once.” She winks at me. “You’d be a fool not to be scared of me.” She wiggles on me—bad idea. My dick becomes hard once again, and it hasn’t even left her. “Stop that,” I say holding her still. “I wanna go again,” she says shyly. “Maybe I should be scared of you?” I say to her, she smiles. “You should.” Then I fuck her again, taking my time, relishing in all that she is. No kink involved this time, just her and me. I didn’t know I could do without it, didn’t know I could fuck someone more than three times and not

want kink. What the fuck have I gotten myself into?

“Jake… Jake… I have to go.” I’m being nudged awake. I open my eyes when I realize whose voice it is. She’s standing in front of me, fully dressed, her bag over her shoulder. “Get back to bed, I’m not finished.” I pull her to me, and she lays a hand on my chest. “I’m gonna miss my plane. I have to get back to work.” I sit up, pulling her on my lap. “Stay,” I say leaning into her neck. “I can’t, but I have a proposition for you?” she tells me. “Now I like the idea of that.” “No,” she says taking my hands away from her tits. “I want to try something. We haven’t done normal, I don’t think you could even do normal. I just want a piece of normal. Do you think you could give me that?” she asks me, utterly confusing the shit out of me. “I don’t understand what you are saying, Addy.” “I have an idea. Now no laughing. I just want to see how normal goes. I don’t want to go for another six months without speaking…” she pauses. “Not happening,” I say shaking my head. She smiles at me. “I thought as much, so I want you to write to me. I want to write to you, then, maybe, we can work something out. I just don’t know how that can happen, though. I can’t move back here. I can’t live back here again, and I’d never ask you to leave those you’re closest to, just to pick me. That’s selfish, and I think for most of your life, people have been selfish with you.” “I would go with you,” I tell her, her finger stops my lips. “I know. Right now, I know I could get you to do anything. You like ma pussy,” she sings, laughing the last part. “But, we need to see if you like me, not just what I can give you.” “I want you.” “I want you, too. Just try it. Let’s see if it works?” “Is this calling me whipped? Because I agree, though I don’t know how long it will go on for before I fly to you, tie you up, and never let you leave.” She shuts me up by kissing me effectively ending our conversation. I watch as she leaves. She doesn’t stop when she walks out the door. Knowing if she turns, comes back, I won’t let her go.

























CHAPTER 29 ADDY The bar is packed, people are everywhere. Becca’s running around trying to serve as many people as she can. I watch as she drops a full tray of filled glasses, she swears and I can’t help but laugh. I walk out to help her, bending down placing a hand on her shoulder, she looks up and shakes her head. “Over today,” she says. I sweep it up the mess and tell her to go on her break. Once I’ve finished clearing the glass, I stand, the contents I was holding all drops to the floor again. Because he is standing there. Watching me. From across the room. Standing at the door, his eyes are pinned to me. He looks out of place, his boots with his ripped jeans and white shirt. Every person in here has just finished work, they’re all wearing a suit. He walks to me, I can’t move, no matter how hard I try. Once he’s in front of me, he stops and looks, taking me in. “Addy…” his voice says, deep and sweet, plus sexy. “Jake…” I reply, still with the brush in my hand. He starts to walk towards me and looks down at the floor before I know it, he’s taken the brush and is leaning down, right at my knees sweeping up the mess. People stop to look. Hell, I can’t help but look. A lady behind him is eyeing his ass, it’s a mighty fine ass. “Addy, tell me, why are your boobs bigger?” he asks standing up looking at my breasts. I look down. No, they aren’t. Are they? “They’re the same,” I reply in confusion. “They’re definitely bigger,” he says stepping closer to me, keeping his eyes on my breasts. I click my fingers in front of his face. “Eyes up here…” His lips twitch when his eyes reach mine. “Addy,” he says again. I smirk, unable to help myself. “You’re here… at my work.” He nods his head. “I’ve come to collect my prize.” “Your prize?” I question him. “Yep. How often does a hot Latina fall for a fucked and dangerous man?” “Well, when you put it like that…” I say looking away. He grabs my hips and brings me to him. “No going back now. Not now that it’s in writing, Addy.” “I could burn it,” I suggest to him. “You would have to find it first, sweetheart,” he says. That word I once hated, now only makes my lips curl up.

“How long are you here for?” I don’t realize where we’re standing and touching each other in public, until Becca walks up, removing the brush from Jake, who she blatantly checks out. “Becca,” I hiss at her staring. She shrugs and offers Jake her hand. He takes it by removing one hand from my ass. He pulls that charming smile, and I watch in fascination as she drools. “Jake,” he says. She looks to me then back to Jake. “That’s him, isn’t it? The kinky one,” she states. I hit her arm, trying to shut her up. Jake belly laughs and looks at me, making me blush. “You telling people about me, Addy? I hope you mention how big my cock is, too.” “Oh, she has.” Becca claps excitedly. “I have to finish work, Jake. Where are you staying?” I ask shooing Becca away. “With you,” he states definitively. “Okay, let me get my keys. I finish work in a few hours, meet you at mine?” He nods his head and follows me to the bar, staying on the other side while I grab my keys. I could invite him back, I just don’t trust myself not to do other things. He notices because he hovers on the edge of the bar, tempting me. “Do I get a kiss?” “Can you wait?” I ask nicely. He shakes his head and takes a step closer, kissing me on the lips. Nothing overly passionate, just enough to tease me making me want more. “I’ve waited long enough, Addy,” he says walking out, knowing the address from my letters.

“Addy,” a voice says as I pick up my phone. I remove it from my ear and look at the caller ID, I don’t recognize the number. “Addy, it’s Black. You need to listen. Are you listening?” he says into the phone. I walk across and lock the front door of the pub, just me left inside. “Umm… yeah,” I answer confused. Jake’s not with me, so I don’t know why he’s calling me. “There isn’t enough time. Where are you?” “Locking up,” I answer. “You need to lock the doors and wait for Jake. Addy, are you listening?” “Huh?” I don’t understand what he’s talking about, and before I can say anything else, my world goes black.



CHAPTER 30 JAKE I ignore his calls as long as possible, I’m too busy looking around. Her house is very retro. So many bright colors everywhere, it hurts my eyes. Her bedroom is Victorian, with an old chest of drawers on either side of her bed. Her room is a light color, whites and creams. “What?” I say into the phone. He screams at me, and it takes me a moment to realize what he’s saying. “Get to Addy now. Get to her now,” he repeats. I don’t need him to say anymore. I know that voice like it’s my own. I don’t even hang up, the phone goes straight into my pocket and I run. I run all the way to her bar, only to find it locked with blood marks on the door. “She isn’t here. There’s blood,” I say, knowing he’ll still be on the phone. “Fuck, okay. Give me a second. We’re tracking her now.” “No seconds at all, Black. Who the fuck took her?” “Sora. She followed you. Told you not to touch that bitch’s hair.” “It’s not the time, Black. Track her now.” “Found her,” he says after a minute of silence. “Be careful. You don’t have any guns… and Jake, there’s something I need to tell you,” he says, knowing I flew here. “I don’t need them. Tell me later,” I say hanging up. He texts me the address, and I run till I spot a cab, give him the address, and crack my knuckles all the way to where she’s located.

The house the car pulls up to is nice, so nice that it makes me check the address twice. I look around, the lights are on, and there are no cars out front. I walk to the back, look through the window and see Sora circling Addy. I open the back door quickly. Walking in, Sora’s head pops up, and she pulls her gun on me. “Jake,” Sora says looking down at Addy then back to me. “You and I have to talk,” she says pointing the gun in for me to follow. I do. I walk to Addy and Sora hisses at me. “Not too close,” she says. “How much do you know about her, Jake?” “Sora…” “Answer me, Jake. Do you know her? Or what she pretends to tell you?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Think Jake. Try to look past her looks, and think.”

I have no idea what she’s talking about. None. She realizes this, then shakes her head. “She won I guess, hey? She did win you. The man who wouldn’t love, or so we all thought. You love her, don’t you?” “Sora, put the gun down and talk to me.” “No. You killed him. Mick. I found him in the bin… encased in cement, Jake. I know you did it. Now I want to break your heart. I’m going to tell you all about Addy. Would you like that?” “You don’t even know her.” She smirks at me. “You’re right, I don’t know all of her, but I know pieces of her. Pieces you don’t know, that I’m sure of.” “Sora, just talk, so I can kill you and take her home already.” “I think you will be the one walking out without her soon.” “Doubtful, Sora, very doubtful.” She takes a seat on the nearest couch, gun still pointing at me. “Let me tell you a story. Addy here…” she says pointing to her with the gun, “…was sold to Mick. Now do you know the full story of why she was sold?” “Her father hates her.” “Close, but not close enough. She was a spy…” she stops when the words leave her mouth and pauses. “Mick used her to his advantage. He was good at it, you know how manipulative he is. Then Robbie got in the way. You remember him, don’t you? He hired them, except he couldn’t wait. Impatient man.” I look at her confused, she’s absolutely gone crazy. “So she was to sit back, watch. Then she saw Black. You know Black. Then she was scared… scared of Black, quit everything. Mick wasn’t happy, that’s the only reason he agreed to take her from her father—apart from the money he offered him— because he’d already struck a deal with Addy. You see Addy is scared of Black… very scared. About a year or so ago, she was seeing a man. This man left her house, got into his car and before he even left he was shot in the head, in her driveway by Black. So Mick started to scare her, make her feel unsafe. Granted she could protect herself, she’s quite the clever one if I do say so myself, I had no idea about all of this. I found her file in Mick’s safe. Now imagine my surprise when I discovered these facts.” She stands and looks down at Addy, who’s slowly waking now. She opens her eyes, looking down and then up at me, then her eyes go straight to Sora. “Jake…” she whispers. I’m not sure if she’s scared. I’m not sure what’s even going on. “You knew me before?” I ask her. She sit’s up, her hand going to the back of her head. “What are you talking about?” “You also knew Black?” Her eyes go wide. “I didn’t know it was him when I first saw him, I just knew he scared me. But yet, I knew of him.” She looks over to Sora, who’s smirking as she watches us. “You were sent to spy on me?” “I didn’t want to, he twisted it all. He said I had to. He told me it was to help me…” she pauses and looks up to me, “He lied, it was all a lie, all he ever wanted was money,” she says surprising me. “You lied to me?” Her head starts shaking, she stands and almost falls over. “No. No. Everything I said was true. My bodyguard taught me some moves, I kicked Mick’s ass one night. He tried forcing himself on me, that’s

when he proposed I spy on you…” I want to believe her. I want to trust her. I want her. But do I?



CHAPTER 31 ADDY I never lied, everything was true, I just didn’t tell him everything. I worked at that bar to get an idea of his routine. By the second week, when I saw how he was, I couldn’t do it. No, I wouldn’t do it. He was killing himself as it was. I wasn’t cut out for the job I’d signed up for anyway. I never knew why I did it. Maybe it was to disobey my father just that little extra, and the fact that Mick had asked me to. He said he could make our arrangement easier if I did this one thing for him, spy on Jake. It didn’t hold, I didn’t like spying. I didn’t like thinking Mick could torment a man who was so obviously tortured himself. I’m not a girly girl, even though I grew up that way. My mother making me one by spoiling me, then in my late teens I wanted my father’s attention, which I never got. So I started fighting, coming home with black eyes. My bodyguard took pity on me and taught me self-defense. I look at Jake, who’s just staring at me like I’ve grown a third head. Sora hasn’t spoken a word. “Jakey…” she says, walking over to him slowly. She stops when she’s close, just not close enough, then drops to her knees. A knife is pulled out. She’s fast as she slashes my leg with it, cutting me making me scream. I try to pull my leg back, the knife only drags along my skin further marking me even more. One minute the knife is digging in, the next it’s gone. I don’t realize what’s happening until I look up. Sora now has the knife through her eye, the same knife that was just seconds ago in my leg. I didn’t even hear it or see it. He kicks the gun away when she drops it, she falls backward, both eyes wide open, the one with the knife is hardly visible. I scoot backward away from her body, away from that image of her that will be burned into my brain forever. “Can you walk?” His voice pulls me away from Sora. He doesn’t look at me as he speaks. “Jake, I never lied to you,” I say trying to stand. “You just withheld information, right?” he asks sarcastically. “It was rebellion. I never wanted to do any of that. I wouldn’t be able to hurt you.” “Your legs need bandages,” he says, walking over, letting me lean on him. “You’re angry?” I ask as we walk out of this house. “No Addy, I’m hurt, there’s a difference.” I have no comeback for that, I never wanted to hurt him. He, who’s been hurt more than any man should have been. And, now I’ve just added to it. We ride in quiet all the way back to my house. Him looking out the window, not speaking a word, me holding my leg, wondering what I can say to make it right, to make any of this right. “Yep,” he says, I look at him and see he’s taken a call. “Got her. Yep. Know all about it. Thanks for the fucking info. When you knew all along, you asshole,” he says. I know straight away it’s Black. He helps me inside the house, but he still won’t speak to me. He retrieves the first aid kit and grabs a

bandage, wraps it firmly around my leg and sits across from me. I watch as he clasps his hands, holds them tight, making them go white from the squeeze he currently has on them. “Jake… please say something.” He doesn’t listen, he’s going to that place where he used to go. I can see him slipping, see the grip he has on his hands, trying to hold onto the pain instead of letting it go. “Jake,” I say reaching up and touching him. His hand moves fast. He grips me by the neck, choking me, making me smack at his hands. He isn’t looking at me, he’s looking right through me. I slap his face, choking, and he lets go, steps back, his hands raised up in defense. “Fuck,” he says looking at me. He goes to touch me, but I squirm back in my seat further. He shakes his head. “I told you I was broken, Addy. Fucking broken. I went back there. I’m not in the present when I’m there. You can’t be near me when I’m there. It’s dark, it’s dangerous, you will only get hurt even worse,” he says walking out the door. I sit there unsure of what I’m meant to do. How I’m supposed to get him back here. How I can fix him. That’s the problem though isn’t it, I can’t fix him.

“He must be still there, he hasn’t come home,” Rose says to me on the phone. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen or heard from Jake. I want to apologize, I want him to know I’m here, that I won’t send him back to that place again. Except, I can’t get hold of him, I don’t know how to. “I haven’t seen him,” I tell her. “Did he tell you what he’s been doing the last six months?” she asks me. “No,” I say through the phone, walking to the window. “He left the club. He lives here, with me, Black, and the kids. He works with Black now, even stopped drinking. He’s trying, he has been changing. I thought when you came back, it would be good. You know he’s sick, right? I don’t know exactly, maybe PTSD, I’m not sure. He has been seeing someone, though.” That information shocks me. He left his club. He’s been seeing someone. To help him. “Why?” I ask everything. “For you! He wanted to change, for you.” “I don’t want him to change, Rose.” “I know, sweetie. He needs to. He wants to, that’s what matters.” “Where is he?” I wonder out loud. “He wouldn’t be far, Addy, he would stay near you.”

I say goodbye and wonder where he could be. I grab my keys and walk out my door. I see the hotel across the street and run over, trying my luck. I give the porter his name, and watch as he dials his room number, giving me access to which room is his. When he doesn’t answer the phone, I go to his floor, then knock, and knock, and knock. The door flies open, a shirtless, drunk, and pissed off Jake answers the door. “You…” he spits walking away, leaving the door open for me to enter. It stinks, I can see the glasses scattered everywhere. “Jake, why are you still here?” I ask walking in and shutting the door. He turns to me, an evil smile crosses his face. “Because you fucking are. Funny thing that,” he says kicking a shoe before he sits down. “Jake, I’m sorry for hurting you.” He looks up to me. “No one has ever said sorry to me before. Did you know that?” I don’t know how to answer that, that’s a tough one. “Hi, I’m Addy.” I hold out my hand to him, he looks at it like it’s poison. “Jake… shake my hand and introduce yourself.” He stands on rocky legs and grabs my hand. “I’m Jake, I just stabbed a bitch in the eye last week for my lying girlfriend. Nice to meet ya, Addy,” he says shaking it hard and then dropping it. “Jake, I’m going to come back tomorrow. Stay sober.” “If you spread your legs,” he says as I walk out the door, slamming it hard.



CHAPTER 32 JAKE I’m wrong. I’m a bad person. I am not a person deserving enough to live. Why me? It’s the one-hundred-dollar question isn’t it? We all ask that, why me? I’ve killed. I’ve tortured. I’ve fucked a lot of women. All meaningless sex. Until her. Until Addy. I drink to numb the pain. The pain I’ve inflicted on her, the hurt I’ve given her when I had no right to do so. To her, the look on her face was what hurt me the most. And the realization of what I did, of where I went, to that place, the place I haven’t been to for so long. The one the psychiatrist has been working with me on. Fixing me, making me believe I’m not as fucked up as I think I am. Then it exploded, all at once, pulling me back. I’ve stayed sober, just as she asked. I couldn’t bring myself to leave, couldn’t bring myself to leave her unprotected. I think I love her, I feel something so strong for her, that I crave her with an urgency that’s so bad, I want to rip my skin off. Her knock comes on the door, its soft, unsure. I dressed, showered, and cleaned the room. Realizing that I couldn’t keep falling, I needed to get up. She’s looking down when I open the door, not wanting to meet my eyes. “Hi, the name’s Jake,” I say, holding out my hand, playing her game. She reaches up, a piece of paper in her hand. “Hi Jake, I’m Addy,” she replies, shaking my hand, then letting go. Placing the letter, which I know was the last one I had sent her before I came here. “Addy, would you care to go for lunch?” I ask, not even recognizing my own voice. It works, she smiles up at me, and my heart beats faster. I look down to her neck, a small imprint is there, from me. I reach up to say sorry when she brushes my hand away. “Jake, it’s fine. Please,” she begs. I nod my head, walk out the door and close it, placing my hand on her back as we exit the hotel. We walk to small café near her house, she orders her meal, and I do the same. We sit there looking at each other, unsure of who should speak first.

“I like your tattoos,” she eventually says. “I like your boobs,” I retort making her smile. “They haven’t grown,” she says still smiling. “They have,” I say knowing full well they have. “They can only grow one way,” she says. Then her eyes go wide. She stands, knocking the water over on the table. I stand, worried. “Jake, take me to the chemist,” she says, chucking money on the table confusing the shit out of me. “Chemist? Not really romantic, Addy.” “Jake, my boobs are bigger,” she says it like I should know what the hell she’s talking about. We walk a few blocks to the chemist, I follow her up every aisle till she stops at the one she needs. Looking confused till I notice what she’s inspecting. “Holy fucking shit,” I say, making the other people in here turn around and give me dirty looks, especially the older lady who shakes her head at me. “Yeah,” she says picking up the blue box. “Shit!” Then she walks to the counter to pay for it. We walk out the door together, and I have no idea what to say or do. So I follow her all the way back to her house then to the toilet. “You can’t come in,” she says stopping at the door. “Like hell. I am coming in.” She shakes her head. “No, you’re not watching me pee. We aren’t there yet.” “Aren’t where? Pretty sure we’re passed there. Have you seen relationships where they have seen someone else kill for them?” She drops her head to the side. “Fine, just don’t talk, or stare.” I hold my hands up in defense, lock my lips and throw away the key. She nods her head and pulls her pants down sitting on the toilet. And we wait. And wait. “I can’t pee with you staring,” she finally says. “I can’t not watch.” “You can, look away, and turn on the tap.” I turn the tap on, looking away. I count to ten in my head and turn back. Her hand is under her. She pulls it out the wet stick, wipes then stands up bringing the stick to the bench. “You aren’t questioning if it’s yours?” she asks looking away from the stick checking her watch. “Should I be?” I ask confused. “No,” she says shaking her head. “Since you, there’s only been you.” I nod my head, and she keeps on watching her watch. “How long?” “Three minutes.”

“Do you think you are?” She bites the corner of her lip thinking. “I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it, to be honest. Just then, when you mentioned my boobs again I realized I haven’t had my period.” She walks to the toilet, pulls the seat down and sits there. “Check it for me, it’s time,” she says looking at her watch again. I pick it up, then read the words. “Pregnant,” I say loudly.



CHAPTER 33 ADDY “Fuck!” is the first word to leave my mouth. “Fuck!” I repeat it again, unable to hold it in. I grab my hair and begin pulling it. This wasn’t meant to happen. Not yet. I’m not ready for a baby, not yet. I still have so much to figure out, to sort out. I’m not ready. I am not ready. “Yeah, you could say that,” Jake says. I finally look back up to him, his eyes are on the stick I pissed on, just staring at it. “You can go if you want,” I offer him his out, he doesn’t need to stay. “Are you fucking mad?” His face is hurt his fists clench. “That’s my child, and you ask me if I want to go? Do I look like a man who would run?” “No, I was just offering.” “Well don’t,” he says flatly. “What do we do now? Doctors?” he suggests. I nod my head, he walks out, then seconds later walks back in carrying my purse. He pulls out my phone, giving it to me. “Call, make an appointment,” he says. I take it, shocked. “I’ve been through all this,” he says making me stare at him. “You’ve been through this? You have a kid?” I ask, unable to hide my shock. My hands coming up pulling at my hair, wondering if I even know him. “With Rose, Addy, I’ve been through this with her.” “How?” “Black wasn’t there at the time. It was just me.” “Okay,” is all I can say. “It was only the once I didn’t use protection, Addy.” “I know, I remember.” The smile comes out. “No kink.” I can’t help but say, his lips twitch up at me. “Yes, vanilla,” he says, making me finally stand up from the toilet. “I’m horny, Kink,” I say walking to him, missing his touch. Missing the way he grabs me when he kisses me, the way his hands run all over my body like I’m a prized possession. I used to be scared of him, now I realize I was only afraid of what I could feel for him. He doesn’t disappoint, his hands pull me to him. He doesn’t kiss me straight away, he just stares in my eyes. “I’m sorry, Addy,” he says. I can feel the sorrow in those words, the hurt in them. I touch his face, gently. “I know, Jake, I know.”

“I’m getting help. I will change.” My finger touches his lips. “You don’t need to change, Jake. You’re not broken, you just need some stitches.” “Stitches…” he marvels at me, “…I like that.” Then he kisses me, taking away any worry we might have had, making it all disappear with his hands and his lips. He lifts me, carrying me to my bed, then he slowly places me on it. Being careful, he’s always so careful with me, even when I ask him to break free. I understand why, I’ve seen it now so I know what to look for. His lips touch everywhere, paying particular attention to my belly, then special attention elsewhere, making me curse out loud, which in return only makes him laugh. He climbs up me, like a predator about to devour his prey. And I really want to be his prey. He holds me to his body, placing one hand under me, then he turns, placing me on top. In seconds, we’re completely naked. Him always last, I’m always naked first. He grabs me, moving my hips and lifting them. I don’t need him to, I know what to do, I’m not new to this rodeo. I take control, grabbing hold of him, then slowly pushing down on him. His eyes stay on me, the smile never leaving his face. Then he takes me to heaven, all the fucking way, making me curse on my way down.

I wake to no Jake. He isn’t in bed, and when I get up to look for him, a letter is sitting on my table in his handwriting.





CHAPTER 34 JAKE 1 MONTH LATER I don’t think I can fully change, I’m pretty sure it’s impossible for a person to fully change. I’ve grown, grown from where I was to where I am now. I used to joke with everything, it covered up things, didn’t make people look deeper than what they had to. And it always worked. Now I use my words, well, I try to. It’s not always as easy as it sounds. I like sarcasm, it’s an easier path to tread. I haven’t seen Addy for one month—one whole month of not seeing her—and it’s killed me. I feel like we’re always apart, to get together then be torn apart yet again. Addy asked me not to tell anyone, she doesn’t want others to know. She wants to wait till it’s safe to talk about the pregnancy. I don’t know what that means, and it’s hard not to tell Rose and Black. Black, the man I tell everything. So this, this part has been especially hard. “Addy,” I say answering the phone. She never calls this late, she’s usually sleeping. Doing a lot of sleeping lately. “Jake,” her voice is upset, I can hear it straight away. “What’s wrong, Addy?” “I’m bleeding, Jake.” She hiccups, and I realize she’s crying. “I think I’m losing the baby.” She cries harder. “I’m calling Becca, stay where you are, Addy.” I hang up straight away, grabbing a bag as I run out the door, driving straight to the airport and calling Becca on the way. She tells me she’ll go straight there and take her to the hospital. I pray for the first time in my life.

Desperate to find her, I run through the doors. When I do, she’s by herself, curled up into a ball. Crying. I approach her quietly, touching her arm softly. She opens her eyes when I touch her, sees it’s me, then I climb into bed holding her why she cries. “I lost the baby,” she says after she stops crying. I don’t know what to say, to make her feel better. So I do the only thing I can think of, grab her face and kiss her lips. I taste her salty tears on her lips when I kiss her. She cries again, then pulls me closer. “It’s okay, Addy. We’ll be okay.” “It doesn’t feel okay, I feel like a failure.” “You aren’t, don’t ever say that.” I grab her face and stare into her eyes “It’s impossible for you to be one, do you understand, impossible.” A tear falls from her face, she pulls away, only to come back and lay

on my chest. I stay quiet, hoping she will sleep, and just lay there with her, rubbing her back in circles, comforting her. The doctor ends up telling us we can leave, and we go back to her house. The quiet strangling us like it’s never done before. I always try to make sure a part of me is touching her, her arm, her leg, anything. She visibly relaxes when I touch her. I hurt, not just for her or the loss of the baby, but for being away, for trying to better myself. I was there, it took months and months of therapy for me to see that I wasn’t as broken as I thought, just broken in pieces, pieces that could be fixed, with time. And time was working. I’d changed. I gave up my rights to the club, handed over everything to Buddy. He deserved it, he can take care of it. That I am sure of. He offered me a place, which he shouldn’t have. I’m a shit member, always have been. Obviously, I refused, wanting to be away from that part of my life. Then there was more therapy, the drinking stopped, literally stopped. It was hard, harder than I thought possible. Drinking is an addictive drug. I’ve always been good at computers, always. I sucked in school, I only had technology on my side. Which now, comes in handy. I work for Sax now, hacking, tracking. It helps, fuck it helps, to take my mind of the addiction. It keeps my hands busy, my mind. The only other drug that could help me before, was her. A simple touch from Addy and all I thought and saw was her. Funny how someone can transform your thoughts and steal them without even knowing they did so. Without even knowing they did it. I love her, I am not stupid. The love I had for Rose, I thought I could never feel again. Then she pushed her way in, taking me over, without me even realizing it. I think I felt something the moment I actually saw her. She made me go back to that place, she drew me in without me even knowing. Then the day she touched my hand, I came back for her to do it again, and again. Because she stole something from me when she did that, stole that broken piece that lived inside. She was good at it, she didn’t even know, so when I turn to touch her again, I think I have the same effect on her. A touch, such a small thing, but such a big thing to those you love. I don’t take it for granted anymore, I want that touch all the time. Even when I don’t. “Jake,” she whispers waking from her nap. I go straight to her, nothing else to do apart from dwell on everything. That everything taking me hostage in my head. When I reach her, she’s sitting up, tears in her eyes. “I need you to kiss me,” she says softly. “That’s all you want?” She nods her head. “Your kisses take away the pain, did you know that? I forget everything when you kiss me. So please kiss me,” she begs, the tears haven’t stopped. I grab her face, both cheeks in my hands still with tears coating them, lean in and touch my lips to hers. Softly, tasting her, tasting the tears, taking them from her, stealing them, giving her a small relief. She sighs against my lips like my lips could fix everything, that power, it’s a dangerous thing to hold. That someone holds you so valuable that you could remove their own pain. It’s scary. Her mouth opens, and our tongues connect, she leans in, her lips hard now against mine, no air for either of us to breathe, just each other.

I kiss her till her tears dry up, till I can feel under the palm of my hand that her heart slows down to an even rhythm. Then I release her, kissing her softly on her lips. She looks up to me, a small smile, then she lays her head on my chest. We fall asleep that way. Basically staying in bed all week, only moving to eat and go to the bathroom.



CHAPTER 35 ADDY I went to work one week after it happened. I smiled in the second week. The third, I laughed. He heals me, but it makes me sad that I couldn’t give him what was in me. What was a part of both of us. No one tells you how much it hurts, not physically, but emotionally. It takes a piece of you, you fear that will never repair itself. I feel that way, I think that way when I’m by myself. When I am with him, near him. He takes that pain away, he wants me solely for me, not what I can give him, not what I can offer him. It confuses me, the way he loves, he loves so intensely, one of the deepest I’ve seen. Maybe because he’s been broken, maybe because he knows what true pain is like. Every time I see him, he pulls me to him, and kisses me, instantly making my day turn around, instantly making me feel better. Just the touch of his lips, the possession in his hold. The way he grips onto me makes me know he never wants to let me go. He touches, simple, brief touches, all the time, calming me when I didn’t even know I needed to be calmed. He does that to me, I don’t even know if he knows he does that for me, calms me. Rose and Black are visiting, we are meeting them for dinner across the street. He walks out of the room, I’m sitting at the table chewing my nails. A new habit I’ve picked up in the last week. I drop them when he enters, freshly showered, his beard has scruff, his shirt clings, his jeans hug. I stand, wanting to touch him, wanting to know he’s mine. He knows, he instantly walks faster to me, his hands landing on my hips, one grabs my hand, kisses it, my body instantly relaxes. “My heart has never beat for anybody as fast as it beats for you.” He leans in and whispers those words in my ear. A shiver breaks out, he hasn’t said those three magic words to me yet. He doesn’t need to, though. I know how he feels, and he knows how I feel. We walk hand in hand, spotting Rose straight away when we enter the restaurant. Black leans into her, whispering something in her ear, making her hit him away. They notice us and she stands to cuddle us. Jake doesn’t let me remove my hand, he holds it tight when he speaks to Black, then one arm cuddles Rose. “How are you?” Rose asks me when we’re seated, leaning in. Jake places his hand on my leg, rubbing it slightly. She notices and looks at him, then back to me. “Better,” is all I reply, unable to say more. “Are you coming back?” Black interjects to Jake, his hand stops rubbing on my leg. “No,” he says simply. Not leaving room for explanation.

“You can, Jake. Your work and friends?” I say, I don’t want to hold him hostage. He turns to face me, his forehead wrinkled. “I would lose everyone, in a second, if I had to choose.” Rose drops back in her seat, looking wide-eyed. “I don’t want that for you.” “You won’t go back?” he asks me again. No, it won’t happen. I shake my head. “Then I go where you go, stay where you stay,” he says ending the conversation. I excuse myself, going to the bathroom. When I walk out, Jake is watching me. A man bumps into me, then steadies me with his hands, he looks at me longer than necessary. “Hey, you work at that bar down the street,” he states, nodding his head. I go to speak when a blur takes over, Jake has the man by the collar of his shirt, pushing him away from me. I watch as his muscles tense in his arms and back. I touch them, forgetting about the man for a second, he instantly relaxes, dropping him to the floor, releasing him. “I think it’s time we go,” I say, distracting him. He turns to me, grabbing my hand in his again, clutching it tight. We walk back to the table, Black looking at us in amusement. “She got you under a spell?” he teases Jake. Jake shakes his head, dismissing him and leaning down to kiss Rose’s cheek. I expect jealousy to tear me up, but nothing comes. I see the way he looks at her and me, and it’s completely different. He looks at me in such an intense way, it takes your breath away. He looks at her as if he cares for her. Which he does. I would never change that. He doesn’t speak, just nods his head to Black as he drags me from the restaurant and back to my apartment. “I’m moving in,” he states closing the door behind me. He stands tall in front of me, giving me an opportunity to say no if need be. “You are, are you?” I tease him. “I am,” he says, his shoulders dropping slightly. “That includes vanilla. You know that, right?” He smirks taking a dangerous step toward me. I back away. “Vanilla with you, that I can do,” he says. And in one swift movement, he has me, lifted in the air, and carries me to the bedroom. “So vanilla,” he says above me. Both of us naked, both on the bed, him above me, looking down. “Do you think you can handle vanilla? For a long time?” I ask him. “Kink sometimes, vanilla most.” “As long as I get to touch you, be inside of you, I will take you any way I please, sweetheart.” “So you love me then?” I ask leaning up, bringing our faces closer, lips closer. “You have to ask that?” he says sliding down my body, kissing me everywhere, then taking me captive with his mouth. Making me scream. He then proceeds to make love to me, in the most gentle, kindest way. In a way that I think it surprises him when he screams my name. He didn’t expect it, neither did I.



EPILOGUE JAKE YEARS LATER It works her and me. It will always work. We fight, we make up, we never leave. It’s how we are, stuck to each other, wanting that continuing beat of the heart, that pump to pump faster and faster. Because that’s what happens every time I see her, every time I still touch her. She has only gotten me more addicted to her as time goes on. Making me know that she is it, that I couldn’t live a single day without her. It would be impossible. Even spending a weekend away with her, kills me. I think it even kills her. She wanted to try again, almost a year later. She wanted to try again, and every time it doesn’t work. And every time she has died a little inside. Four more times—four times is how many times she falls pregnant, losing each child. Each one stealing a piece of her soul every time she loses one. I tell her no more, that she can’t take it. She doesn’t believe me. She wants a child, no matter what. I want her more, I don’t like seeing her this way, being chipped away, getting more and more broken each time. She doesn’t go to work anymore. She never had to go, but now she doesn’t want to. She stays at home, reading and trying all the herbal remedies that supposedly help you fall pregnant. It’s slowly killing her.

I’m sore when I walk in the door the next day, she notices and looks up to me. Her eyes going to my crotch. “What did you do?” she asks standing, walking closer. I don’t want to tell her, I can’t hurt her again. “Tell me, Jake.” “I had a vasectomy.” Her mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. “You didn’t,” she screams and her fist start to punch me, over and over again. I let her, not wanting to stop her. “I’m not good enough. You don’t want kids with me,” she screams. I stop her. “No Addy. I will take anything you give me, anything. But not what’s slowly destroying you. I can’t watch it anymore. I want you, only you. Do you understand that?” Her fists stop then drop. “I don’t know how to not want them now. I want that, I want that baby, Jake.” “One day, Addy, when you’re better, I can have it reversed. But I won’t till we’re ready. Till you’re healthy again.” She isn’t, she’s skin and bones. So much sadness has kept her in bed for so long, not wanting to leave

or eat. “You just want me?” “Always.” “I can work with that,” she says smiling shyly. “Why would you think otherwise?” She plays with her wrists. “Because of Rose. You raised kids that aren’t yours. You want your own.” “Addy, I could live my whole life and be the happiest man on earth, if I just had you. Just you, to myself. Do you understand that?” “I don’t want you to get it reversed. I can’t do that again, Jake. It kills me,” she says dropping to the floor. I go down with her. “You don’t have to, Addy. Just you and me sweetheart, against the world.” She smiles the first real smile I’ve seen in a long time. Then I pull out the ring, the same one I’ve had for years, just sitting in my pocket. She gasps. “Addy, all I need is you. I hope all you need is me… kink and all,” I joke with her. She starts to cry again, this time they’re happy tears. Her shine is back, one that’s been missing for a long time. “You’re sure? Only me?” she asks looking at the ring. “Only you, Addy. Always and forever.”



Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed White. If you want to keep up to date on what I have coming up, you can join my fan group or my mailing list just below. Fan Group Newsletter



Thank you, yes you the reader. For going on this crazy ride with me. If you completed this book that means that you may have liked Black and Red, and now possibly White. I wouldn’t be able to do what I love without you. For your help in reading, sharing, and reviewing. Thank you. Black, Red, and White have been a wild ride. I have lost sleep, staying up all night. And I don’t regret a single second of it. The way you embraced my characters, means so much to me. To Kaylene. Thank you for helping me make my work pretty because, let me be honest, editing is not my strong suit. LOL. Thank you for always fitting me in, and all your help. Never leave me. Lila Fucking Rose. Yes you, bitch. I adore you, and the ground you walk on. You wanted Jake, so I wrote it, with never having the intention to. I’m glad I did, and I am so happy for your feedback on it. It helped so much. Till our next signing, whore. Kristy and Kayla. How many books now have we worked on together? I have no idea having lost count. You aren’t just my beta readers, you are some of my best friends. I think we all know that. Thank you so much, you two are my people. Louisa. Thank you for yet another beautiful cover. You rocked my socks again. Wander Aguiar. Thank you for the gorgeous photo. Nick Bennet. Thank you for being the model, you are the perfect Jake. My bloggers. Holy hell. Your shares, your pimps. THANK YOU. Black would never have done as well if it’s wasn’t for you. THANK YOU, again. My proofreader, my betas, Kay, thank you. Elaine, Maddi, and Nadia, you help me with more than you know. Final touches are what you gals are best at. Thank you. Amanda Young. You make me happy, especially your teasers. Let’s stay BFF’s forever girlfriend. Don’t ever leave me, I will find you. LOL. Last but not least, my Dark Angels. Love you gals hard. Always stay a little dark, it’s good for the soul.