Crazy Love The Complete Series - Melissa Toppen

Crazy Love: The Complete Series Melissa Toppen

Published by Daft Empire, 2016.

This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental. CRAZY LOVE: THE COMPLETE SERIES

First edition. November 4, 2016. Copyright © 2016 Melissa Toppen. Written by Melissa Toppen.

Table of Contents Title Page Copyright Page Dedication CRAZY STUPID LOVE | Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-one Chapter Twenty-two Chapter Twenty-three Chapter Twenty-four CRAZY STUPID OBSESSION | Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-one Chapter Twenty-two Chapter Twenty-three Chapter Twenty-four CRAZY STUPID PERFECTION | Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-one Chapter Twenty-two Chapter Twenty-three Chapter Twenty-four Crazy Love Playlist Acknowledgments Sign up for Melissa Toppen's Mailing List Also By Melissa Toppen

Sometimes falling in love is more than just crazy, it's downright stupid. Embrace the madness.

CRAZY STUPID LOVE

Prologue Decklan Screams, that’s all I can hear. The shrill cries of a woman that pierces my ears with so much intensity the ringing in my head becomes nearly unbearable, the pressure between my temples threatening to explode at any moment. Distant voices filter into the chaos of white noise and random muffled tones seem to seep their way in from a distant place. I don’t recognize any of them. Except one...the screaming woman, her I know. My body becomes weightless, lifting from the ground as if to float away. Am I dying? Am I already dead? I can’t be...there’s too much pain. It radiates from everywhere. I can feel it coursing through my limbs, demanding to be felt. Please make it stop. I just want it to go away. I can’t take it. It’s too much. Then I remember... My eyes dart open, searching frantically. He’s here. He’s right here. Where is he? “Conner,” I manage to say, but my voice is broken and not audible over the bustle of unrecognizable people that seem to close in around me. “Where’s Conner?” I try again, this time my voice managing to catch the attention of a man next to me, his face unrecognizable through my blurred, distorted vision. “He’s responding.” I hear the voice say to another. “We’ve got you, son.” Another voice. “Conner,” I demand more forcefully, still too disoriented to know who I am speaking to. “We’ve got you.” I hear again. Why is no one answering me? Where are they taking me? My mind may not be able to process what is happening but somehow it already seems to know. Conner’s gone... I just know it. I can feel it; like losing a part of myself. I want to scream, demand that I see him, but I’m a prisoner to this body. This damaged broken body that has no fight left in it. I silently close my eyes and let the darkness take me. It’s where I belong. It’s where I’ve always belonged.

Chapter One Kimber I knew I shouldn’t have come here tonight. I don’t know why I let my roommate and her crazy best friend drag me all the way to Portland, let alone dress me in this tight little cocktail dress that makes it feel difficult to breathe normally. I guess it’s my feeble attempt to feel like I’m a part of something; to fit in. But now as I sit here watching the two girls grind on any man within a ten-foot radius of them, it’s blindingly clear that fitting in is not something I am doing. It’s been nearly two months since I moved to Oregon, and I still feel like such an outsider. Even still, I do my best not to seem too out of place sitting at a round high-top table all by myself in the back of a hopping bar, sipping virgin strawberry daiquiris like I am not the biggest loser in the world. To say a bar named Deviants is out of my comfort zone is a major understatement. With dark walls, wild lights, and the most elaborate looking glass bar, I can honestly say I have never stepped foot inside of somewhere even remotely similar to this. Places like this don’t exist in the tiny town I grew up in, at least not that I was ever aware of. Of course, I had blinders on for most of my life, thanks to my overprotective parents who kept me, from what I am now learning, quite sheltered. It wasn’t an easy decision leaving my home in West Virginia, let alone moving to the opposite side of the country, but I knew if I wanted any chance of becoming my own person I had to do it. My parents’ were furious and while things are still not okay with us, we are at least on speaking terms again. Of course, they refused to pay for even one dime of my tuition. Luckily I worked my butt off in high school and graduated at the top of my class, earning myself quite a hefty Art scholarship to The University of Oregon. A far cry from the legal or medical degree my parents’ dreamed I would pursue. I shake my head and hold up my drink when my roommate Harlee waves for me to join her on the dance floor. She rolls her eyes and throws me an annoyed glare but is quickly distracted when a darkhaired man steps up behind her and begins rubbing his crotch into her backside. I can’t help but cringe slightly. I don’t see the fun in having random sweaty strangers rub up all over you like that. “Could you be any lamer?” Angel, Harlee’s wild-haired best friend startles me with her sudden presence. “I’m not lame.” I huff. “I’m people watching.” I take a long sip of my icy drink, pushing my dark blonde waves behind my shoulders as I straighten my posture. “Like I said, lame.” She jumps slightly when a man who looks to be at least thirty slides in behind her, setting a beer and a multicolored shot in front of her despite the fact that she’s not legally old enough to drink; none of us are. Giving me a wicked smile, she raises the shot glass to her lips and tips it back, draining the liquid in seconds. “Delicious,” she hisses, wiping her lips with the back of her hand before turning in the man’s arms. Locking her hands around the back of his neck, she pulls him into a kiss so heated it makes me blush slightly just being near them. “Get a room,” I mumble under my breath, turning my eyes away from the indecency taking place just to my right.

I have only been around Angel a handful of times, but I have her pretty figured out at this point. She’s not all that picky when it comes to men and loves being the center of attention. Everywhere she goes she feeds off of it. If her black hair with bright blue streaks doesn’t give it away, her short skirts and barely-there shirts definitely prove that she likes turning heads. She has most definitely turned the head of the man now lapping his tongue up her neck reminding me more of a dog than an actual human being. Harlee isn’t much different though she tends to be a little more subtle about it. Instead of crazy colors, she sports almost platinum blonde hair that hangs nearly to her waist, and her preferred outfits of choice are tight little tube dresses or yoga pants that leave very little to the imagination. Either way, I couldn’t be more different than the two girls I let drag me nearly an hour and a half from campus on a Saturday night. Truth be told, I have yet to really meet anyone who doesn’t value the very same things they do. I most definitely feel like I am in the minority. I guess it just stems back to how I was raised. Don’t get me wrong, a part of me wants to lash out, go completely crazy and just live life like these girls do. I just don’t know that I have it in me. I’m trying. I’m trying to push myself out of my comfort zone, out of the contained little bubble my parents’ kept me prisoner in for so long, but even when I do it seems like I just end up doing exactly what I’m doing now. “Why don’t you join us, Kimber?” Angel leans forward and snags her beer from the table, taking a long drink before turning her gaze back to me. “I’m good,” I insist, realizing very quickly that I am going to have to be the one to drive Angel’s car home as she lifts the bottle to her lips again. “Suit yourself.” She grabs the hand of the man behind her and bounces off towards the dance floor, towing him with her. She’s gone no more than sixty seconds when I look up and lock eyes with an approaching male, a sleazy looking twenty-something who quickly slides up next to me. “You look like you could use a drink,” he says, and he’s not the first person to approach me tonight saying almost the exact same thing. “I’m good.” I smile politely, trying not to tense when he leans in closer. “Oh come on, honey. Let me buy you a real drink,” he insists. He skirts his hand along my lower back as he steps in closer and nods towards my near empty daiquiri. “Really. I’m good here,” I insist, leaning to the right trying to put a little distance between us. “You sure? Looks to me like you could use some loosening up.” He breathes, his hot beer-scented breath dancing across my face. “If you’ll excuse me,” I say as I slide from the stool, my sudden movement causing the man to topple forward slightly. “I think my friend needs me.” I don’t look back as I make a v-line towards the front door, hoping the man doesn’t follow me. Weaving in and out of the various people that crowd the room, I let out a loud exhale the moment the fresh night air fills my lungs. Stepping to the edge of the sidewalk, I slide down onto the curb, careful to keep my backside covered in this tiny dress as I do. Stretching my legs out in front of me, I ignore the multiple conversations taking place to my right where several people have gathered to smoke. I take another deep inhale and let it out slowly, looking to my left when I spot someone leaning against a motorcycle parked on the side of the road. My eyes land on a pair of black boots first then dark ripped jeans as they climb higher. A tight fitted V-neck t-shirt reveals rippling muscles below the thin fabric and causes me to take a shaky breath as my eyes continue upward. The moment the man’s face comes into view all the air leaves my body. His full lips wrap around a cigarette held loosely in his hand and he takes a hard drag, smoke billowing from his mouth seconds later.

I’m immediately drawn to his wild sexy hair, the way the dark blond strands are pushed to the side haphazardly with a large chunk falling in front of one of his eyes. His jaw is strong and prominent even hidden below the mass of short dark stubble that covers his incredibly handsome face. I would guess him in his mid to late twenties. He takes another drag of his cigarette, completely oblivious to the fact that I have not taken my eyes off him. He stares blankly ahead, his features drawn and hard like he’s deep in thought. I don’t know what it is about him, but just looking at him rattles me. It’s not his looks, the attraction is obvious, it’s more about his presence; how even though he’s standing completely alone he seems to command the very world that surrounds him. He lets out another smoky exhale before dropping his cigarette to the ground, crushing the burning tip under the sole of his boot. Flipping his eyes to the side, the moment they meet mine I feel like I have been transported to some alternate reality; the ground beneath me seeming to shift on its very axis. He’s even more breathtaking from the front. I may not be promiscuous like Harlee or Angel, but that doesn’t mean I’m immune to men, it just takes a lot more than a look to get me all riled up, or it usually does anyway. Something about sitting in this man’s gaze has me feeling a variation of things I’m not certain I have ever really felt before; lust being the most prominent feeling of them all. His deep gray eyes study me for a long moment, the air so thick between us I feel like I might suffocate under the weight. I open my mouth, feeling like I need to say something. Before I can even muster up the courage to speak he breaks the connection, turning his eyes forward as he pushes away from the bike and heads back inside the bar. I sit glued to the sidewalk for several long seconds before reality seems to resurface. What was that all about? Trying to shake off the feeling the sexy stranger has left me with, I decide it’s time get back inside and find my friends so I can get the hell out of here. The moment I re-enter Deviants, I head straight towards the dance floor catching the eyes of Harlee as I approach who throws her hands up in excitement at the sight of me. “It’s about time, bitch!” she slurs, wrapping an arm around the back of my neck. “Can we go?” I push up on my tiptoes and yell into her ear over the music pounding from the speakers just feet from us. “Why?” She pulls back and hits me with sad puppy dog eyes. While Harlee may be a bit of a wild child, she also has a huge heart. I know if I insist on leaving, she will agree; even if it is reluctantly. She’s gone way out of her way to make me feel welcome and to include me, and I know she wouldn’t go through the trouble if she didn’t care. “It’s nearly midnight,” I shout, tapping my wrist to indicate the time. “Thirty more minutes,” she mouths, pouting out her lip for good measure. Not wanting to be the person who ruins her good time, I sigh and nod, knowing that if I want any chance at reinventing myself, I’m going to have to suck it up every now and again and deal with situations I don’t want to be in. I never dreamed how different life would be in Oregon versus West Virginia. It’s almost like living on a different planet entirely. A wide smile cracks across her pretty face, and she pulls me into a tight hug, causing me to have to turn my head to avoid my face going directly into her chest. Harlee towers over me, standing around 5’9” which puts her about a full head taller than me. Managing to squiggle out of her grasp, I point towards the bar, mouthing that I’m going to be there. She nods and then spins towards Angel, throwing her hands up above her head as she resumes bouncing around the dance floor. I keep my gaze down as I cross towards the sleek glass bar that stretches almost the entire length of the left side wall, purposely wanting to avoid another encounter with the gray eyes that still have my

stomach twisted in all sorts of knots. I slide into the first open stool I can find, which happens to be squeezed between a large bald man and an older woman clearly trying to appear younger than she actually is. I wave my hand trying to catch the attention of the bartender who appears to be looking in every direction but mine. He crosses the length of the bar sliding drinks to various customers as he goes. I can’t help but be impressed by his skills. It’s almost like he was bred to tend bar, as ridiculous as that sounds. He’s an attractive man: dark hair that’s shaved underneath and a little longer on top, wearing ripped jeans and a fitted t-shirt that clings to his clearly muscular body, and just the right amount of facial hair covering his handsome face; pretty much the exact opposite of my type. The type I usually date anyway; well the one I dated. I guess considering I have only ever dated Garrett, I can’t say I really have a usual type. Just the type my parents’ deemed acceptable. I guess that’s why I spent three years of my life dating a man I’m not even sure I liked. I make one more attempt to snag the bartender’s attention before finally settling back into my stool, deciding to wait until he comes my way to ask for a glass of water. Pulling my cell phone out of the small purse draped over my shoulder, I unlock the screen and double check my messages, sighing loudly when I see Garrett has called twice despite the fact that I have asked him repeatedly to give me some time. Locking the phone I shove it forcefully back into my bag, not feeling up to dealing with his antics at the present moment. “Let me guess, your boyfriend is upset that you’re out with friends.” A smooth deep voice pulls my attention forward. I freeze the moment my eyes lock on the gray ones that held me so completely captive outside just a few short minutes ago. I take in a ragged inhale, not prepared for how incredible he looks looming just across the bar from me. I knew he was attractive, but seeing him like this— shrouded under the dim lights— he’s more than just another handsome face. There is something so haunted behind those incredible eyes. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that this man is trouble. It seeps from his very pores like an invisible warning label. He’s exactly the type of man I know with complete certainty would break any girl who was foolish enough to offer him her heart. “I... Um...” I stutter over my words, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks. “I don’t have a boyfriend.” I breathe, the words barely audible over the loud music and busy chatter of the crowd. “No?” He cocks his head to the side, his eyes narrowing in on my face. “Surprising.” He sets an empty glass in front of me, proceeding to fill it with ice and then water. “How did you...” I start, but he doesn’t allow me to finish. “You’ve been drinking virgin daiquiris all night, and from what I can tell, you’re dying to get the hell out of here. I took a guess.” He gestures to the water. I try to seem completely unaffected by the fact that he’s clearly been watching me, at least enough to know what I’ve been drinking. Honestly, just the thought causes my stomach to twist in knots and sends my heart galloping inside of my chest. “Good guess,” I observe, lifting the glass hesitantly to my lips before taking a small drink, just needing a reason not to speak considering how flustered I feel. “You work here?” I ask, slowly lowering the glass back to the bar, trying to figure out how in the world I would have missed him behind the bar considering I have spent a good deal of my night watching the people that were crowding it. “No, I just randomly pretend I do so I can talk to beautiful women,” he says, tilting his head back on a light laugh when he sees I take him at his word. “I’m kidding.” He shakes his head, his smile revealing perfectly straight white teeth.

“Oh.” I flush again, embarrassed by how gullible I must seem but even more affected by the fact that he just implied he finds me beautiful. “Yo, Deck.” The bartender steps up next to the man in front of me, resting his hand on his shoulder as he leans in to say something under his breath. Immediately his gray eyes dart towards the stage where the D.J. is set up, scouring the crowd before apparently finding what he’s looking for. “You’ll have to excuse me...” He turns his attention back to me the moment the bartender walks away. “Kimber,” I answer, realizing he’s waiting for my name. “Kimber,” he says the name slowly, smiling with the way it flows from his lips. “It was nice talking to you, Kimber.” “You, too,” I say, not getting a chance to say anymore before he’s heading out from behind the bar, immediately disappearing into the crowd. I turn my eyes to the left just in time to see Harlee skipping towards me, spinning mid-hop managing to bump into a few annoyed people in the process before finally reaching me. “Best night ever!” she exclaims, dropping her arm over my shoulder. “Angel, girl let’s get this show on the road,” she screams behind her, moments before Angel appears. My stomach immediately drops when I realize they are ready to leave. I was all but begging my way out of here twenty minutes ago, and now the last thing I want to do is leave. I didn’t even get a chance to ask him his name, other than hearing the bartender refer to him as Deck. The weird thing is I can’t figure out why I even care. It’s not like I plan on ever coming back here again. Though the idea of doing just that definitely crosses my mind as I follow Angel and Harlee out of the bar, unable to resist glancing behind me one last time in hopes of catching just one more glimpse of the man who quite literally rendered me speechless.

Chapter Two Decklan “Seriously dude, again with this shit.” I kick Gavin’s leg nudging him awake. “How many times have I asked you to take your shit home?” I hover over him as he fights to pry his eyes open, the brunette passed out across his chest not even budging. “This is our place of business, not a fucking motel.” “Drank too much. Couldn’t drive.” He finally manages to get his eyes open enough to peer down at the naked woman on top of him. “Then you should have put her ass in a cab and crashed upstairs,” I say, referring to the apartment above the bar that has been my home for the past four years. I moved up there after me and Gavin sunk every dime we had into buying this bar, unable to afford the lease on the building and a place to live at the same time. Of course, back then it was a complete dump. Nothing like the hot spot Gavin and I have managed to turn it into. I could have moved out a long time ago, but honestly, it’s not a bad space, and I like being so close in case anything happens. “And crash on that lumpy ass couch of yours.” Gavin stretches, sliding the woman from his chest as he pushes into a sitting position. “And this is any better? You realize how many nasty fuckers walk on this floor?” “Yeah, but at least down here I have something to make the sleeping arrangements more accommodating. Man, she’s out,” he says, gesturing to the woman now lying face down on the floor. “Besides, it’s not like you haven’t done it before.” “Fucked in here, yes. Slept on this nasty ass floor, fuck no.” I shake my head. “Shay hasn’t even cleaned yet. You’re literally laying in filth.” “Just the way I like it.” He smirks, nudging the woman next to him. “Hey. Hey.” He repeats, shaking her by the shoulder. She lets out a small groan but makes no attempt to move. “Hey.” He continues shaking. “You gotta go...” He pauses. “Fuck, dude, I don’t know her name.” He laughs, scratching the side of his head. “I don’t give a fuck what her name is; get her the fuck out of here,” I demand, stepping past them to slide behind the bar and gather the money from the previous night’s business. Laying the cash on the counter, I immediately grab a lowball glass and the nearest whiskey bottle, pouring the liquid to the rim before putting the bottle back. Raising the glass to my lips, I take a deep inhale and then pour the contents down my throat. The burn is horrific but just what I need; something to dull me a bit. Waking up is always my least favorite part of the day. That’s when everything comes flooding back. It gets easier as the day progresses and I have time to numb it away, but then the next morning it returns full force, same as the last. Deciding I’m going to need one more, I fill the glass again, my eyes following Gavin as he half carries the still drunk girl towards the bar. “You could fucking help me,” he grunts, sliding the woman onto a bar stool.

She immediately leans forward, groaning loudly as she rests her forehead against the bar in front of her. “I’m not the one that stuck my dick in her.” I shake my head before lifting the glass back to my lips, the second drink going down much smoother than the first. “Whatever dick. Can you at least call a cab?” He slides onto the stool next to her, lifting my glass to his nose. “Starting off with the hard shit today, that can’t be good,” he observes. “I promised Mom I would meet her and Trey for lunch. I don’t know why I even fucking agreed to it. I know exactly how it’s going to go.” I sigh, considering pouring a third drink but quickly deciding against it. I do have to drive after all. “Then why did you?” he questions, knowing how difficult the relationship between me and my older brother has been over the past few years. “Because she’s my mother, one of the only people in my family that doesn’t treat me like I’m just a piece of fucking scum the world would be better off without. At least for my sake, she pretends not to feel that way.” The thought has me pouring another drink despite my decision to call it at two. The moment the liquid seers my throat I feel my nerves start to calm; the potency of the whiskey making everything a bit more tolerable. “So are you going to tell me who that girl was, the one I saw you staring at all night? I gotta say I’m surprised she wasn’t doing the walk of shame out of your apartment this morning.” He laughs, signally that I pour him a shot from the bottle still sitting in front of me. “One, it wasn’t like that. I was just really fucking intrigued by what someone like her was doing here. She seemed so out of place. Two, you know I don’t let women sleep over,” I say, sitting a clean glass in front of him before filling it with whiskey. “Well I don’t know why it wasn’t like that; that bitch was hot.” He smirks, causing me to have to swallow down my knee-jerk reaction to slam his head down onto the bar. I can’t justify the reaction, nor do I have the mental capacity right now to even really think about it. She may have been stunning but also entirely out of my league. I know the difference between a fuckable woman and one that is simply off limits. She’s way too innocent to handle me, and I don’t have the time to worry about staining a perfect canvas. I don’t need any more guilt on my fucking conscience. “Whatever dude.” I shake off the thought, grabbing my cell from my pocket before punching in the phone number for the local cab company. It takes me less than thirty seconds to secure a car for Gavin’s half passed out one-nighter. “They’ll be here in ten,” I say, sliding the phone back into my jeans before collecting the cash on the bar. “Thanks, dude.” “Whatever. Just make sure you’re here to let Shay in so he can get this place back into shape for tonight. And please, for the love of fuck, take a shower. You fucking stink,” I say, exiting the bar before Gavin can say anymore. **** The vibration of my motorcycle beneath me soothes my nerves during the long two-hour ride to Springfield. I weave in and out of traffic, the visor of my helmet left open so I can feel the wind whip against my face. It’s not often that I get to take my bike out for such long trips and I have to admit, while I’m dreading the destination, I am rather enjoying the ride. While the October temperatures have dropped into the sixties over the past couple of weeks, I don’t feel even the slightest chill. The whiskey is still running warm in my veins despite the loss of its effects on my mind.

Pulling my bike into a side street parking spot, I power off the engine and slide the helmet from my head, running a hand through my tangled hair. Pulling out a cigarette, I light it and take a deep inhale, loving the way the smoke fills my lungs, the burn that engulfs my chest. Taking another long drag, I look around, taking in the scenery. The area packed with college aged kids carrying laptop bags and books, no doubt heading towards the nearest coffee shop to congregate. Having grown up just ten minutes from Eugene, I’m used to the atmosphere. The University of Oregon draws in a younger crowd that dominates this part of town; primarily the reason why I avoid coming out this way. Well that, and the fact that I have no desire to return home or to relive the demons that haunt this place. I relive that same hell every morning just by opening my eyes. I don’t need any additional reminders telling me what I lost. What I broke. Climbing off my motorcycle, I take one last drag before dropping the cigarette to the ground, stomping it out with my boot. Latching the helmet to the handlebars, I straighten my black leather jacket before sliding on my aviator sunglasses. I’ll do anything I can to conceal my identity. Not that there’s anyone around who knows or gives a fuck who I am, but I don’t even like risking it. I spot my mother sitting at a round table in the outdoor patio area at Lovett’s, her favorite little diner, the menu just inches from her face. Her blonde hair is shorter than the last time I saw her and peppered with more gray than I remember. I have to remind myself that it’s been almost a year, since last Christmas to be exact. Visions of that night flood through my mind. Trey, the shit he fucking spewed, the way my mom cried. It was almost as bad as that night with Conner. I shake off the memory, taking a deep breath as I approach her. “Mother,” I say, pulling out the chair next to her. She immediately lowers the menu and hits me with gentle eyes and a sweet smile. “Oh, my sweet boy. Look at you,” she says, gesturing for me to sit. “You look so... grown up.” She pats the back of my hand when I settle down next to her, my eyes immediately falling to the only other chair placed at the small round table. “Tell me, how are you?” she asks, ignoring my obvious tension. “I’m good. Things are good.” Lies. Lies. Lies. What I really should be saying is that I’m a fucking alcoholic who fucks everything that moves just to feel something other than my own pain. “And Gavin? How are things at the bar?” She does her best to fill the silence. “The bar’s good. Gavin is, well Gavin.” I shrug and she laughs, knowing Gavin really well from our childhood. With as much as he stayed at my house, hell we were practically brothers. Not to mention that his parents took me in for the last half of my senior year until I graduated and could get the fuck out of here. “Business is good then?” She pulls my attention from the past back to her. “Really well.” I stop, turning my gaze to the waitress when she steps up next to my mother. “Can I get you something to drink Sir?” she asks, her eyes immediately widening when they land on me. Well, fuck me. If it isn’t the sweet little thing from last night, only she looks much different in the bright afternoon sun; almost angelic. Instead of sporting a tight little dress that she clearly wasn’t comfortable wearing, she’s more casual today; wearing a long flowing white top and dark skinny jeans, her long blonde waves pulled back into a messy bun. “It’s Kimber, isn’t it?” I say, smiling when her lips part in surprise.

“Hi.” She seems to regain her composure. “It’s nice to see you again.” She takes another long pause. “Can I get you something to drink?” She nervously tucks a stray curl behind her ear, the movement causing my stomach muscles to clench tightly. She’s so fucking innocent. So pure. I can think of a hundred ways I could corrupt that tight little body of hers. A hundred different positions I could fuck her in. Just the thought of her screaming my name makes my groin twitch. Clearing my throat, I realize I haven’t responded. “What do you have on tap?” I ask, ignoring my mother’s gaze and the look of disapproval that is surely etched across her face. Kimber nervously rambles off a list she clearly is still trying to memorize, going back twice to add to the non-domestic beer list before I finally just settle on a Guinness. She smiles nervously and walks away, my gaze immediately falling to her backside when she does. It takes everything in me to keep my posture casual when every muscle in my body seems to tighten. Thankfully I’m still wearing my sunglasses because my mother doesn’t seem to notice my mental stray. She picks up the conversation exactly where we left off, asking more about the bar, clearly just trying to take an interest in what I’m doing when she probably couldn’t care less. I catch sight of Kimber just minutes later when she reappears onto the patio, a large frosted beer mug in her hand. When she leans over and sets it next to me, I get a waft of her scent; vanilla with a hint of something sweet that I can’t quite pinpoint; coconut maybe. I breathe in deeply, letting the intoxicating smell linger in my nostrils for a moment longer. Yes, definitely coconut. It’s a light smell, refreshing, and so very fitting for her. “Is there anything else I can get for you or are you still waiting for the rest of your party?” She turns her attention to my mother. “We will wait.” She starts but then retracts when she catches sight of Trey making his way towards the table. “Scratch that. There he is,” she says more to Trey than Kimber. “Water with lemon,” Trey instructs Kimber without even batting an eye in her direction. I don’t know why but the action makes me want to shove his fucking face into the table. She nods and quickly exits without a word. “Decklan. You’re looking, well...” He takes a long pause. “The same,” he says judgingly, his eyes taking in my appearance. “We can’t all be perfect now can we?” I give him a tight smile and gesture to his black sweater and khaki pants. Fuck. With his short side swept hair and that ridiculous getup, he looks like he just stepped out of a prep school magazine. Fucking tool. “Well it wouldn’t hurt some of us to try,” he says, kissing mom on the cheek before taking the seat between us to my left. “You got something you want to fucking say?” I spout, feeling already too on edge for his bullshit. “Oh, I’ve got a lot of things I’d like to say, little brother.” “Then fucking say it, Trey.” I clasp my hands together to keep myself from lunging in his direction. “Now boys.” My mother immediately interferes when Kimber reappears at my brother’s side, setting his water on the table. “Ridiculous,” Trey adds on, fueling my temper to near its breaking point. “It should have been you.” He mumbles under his breath, breaking the last tiny thread holding me in place. “You think I don’t wish that every fucking day, Trey? You think I don’t wish it had been me?” I growl, my voice carrying far enough to draw the attention of the other patrons dining on the patio. “Decklan. Trey.” My mother’s voice turns firm. “That’s enough.”

The moment I catch sight of Kimber still standing next to the table, a look of what I can only describe as fear across her pretty face, I feel my temper give a bit. Hell, I almost feel bad for nearly losing it in front of her. Though I’m not entirely sure why I care. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Trey speaks directly to my mother, but I keep my eyes locked firmly on Kimber who seems to shrink a bit under my gaze. “I’m going to give you all a few minutes,” She finally says, backing slowly away from the table before quickly spinning on her heel and disappearing back inside. “Can we please just get through one meal as a family?” My mother pulls my attention back to her. “Decklan, we never see you anymore. I just want to enjoy an afternoon with both of my children.” “Of course, Mother,” Trey speaks again. Fucking kiss ass. “Sorry, Mom,” I grumble, lifting the beer to my lips, draining the contents of my glass in a matter of seconds.

Chapter Three Kimber What are the odds? What are the odds that out of all the restaurants between here and Portland he would walk into the one that I just happen to work at? Standing just inside the wall that separates the indoor dining area from the outdoor patio, I chance a peek in the direction of the man I now know as Decklan. Decklan. Even his name is sexy as sin. My God, this man is all kinds of gorgeous, and of course, I’m fumbling around like a babbling idiot, unable to keep my thoughts straight when he’s staring at me through his aviator sunglasses. I don’t have to see his brilliant gray eyes through the dark lenses to feel the intensity of his stare behind them. Taking a deep breath, I make my way back out towards the table. The occupants seem much calmer now that they have food to replace the need for conversation; well, everyone except Decklan who has chosen a liquid diet for this afternoon, now on his third beer. I can’t help but wonder if he always drinks this much or if it’s the current situation he finds himself in which clearly isn’t a pleasant one. From my frequent trips to their table, I have learned at least a couple of things. The woman is his mother, that much is clear. Not only have I heard him refer to her as such, but he also looks a great deal like her. The other man is his older brother, Trey I believe. I only know this because I overheard him call Decklan ‘little brother’ so that left out a lot of the guess work. Though based on their appearance I never would have guessed it. Decklan is all leather and ripped jeans, rugged and impossibly sexy, while his brother looks like an uppity frat boy. His dark hair is combed nicely to the side, and his face is free of any hair. He’s an attractive enough man but has nothing on Decklan. Either way, it’s clear to see that neither man particularly cares for the other. From the bits and pieces I’ve gathered, I’m guessing something big happened between them and it’s not that they simply don’t get along. I can feel Decklan’s eyes on me before I even make it to the table. I try my best to keep my face relaxed and not give away just how affected I actually am by this fact. “Can I get anyone anything?” I ask, positioning myself between Decklan’s brother and mother once I reach the table. “No, dear. I think we’re fine.” Decklan’s mother is the first to respond, giving me a sweet smile as she slides her near empty salad plate to the side. “We’ll take the checks please,” Trey speaks next, his voice clipped. “Of course.” I nod, clearing away their empty plates, avoiding Decklan’s gaze as I do. I don’t know why I feel so on edge around him. Okay, so he’s good looking. It’s not like I haven’t seen an attractive man before. There’s just something about him, I can’t explain it. It takes me a good five minutes to get the system to cooperate and print out their checks. Having only worked here for three weeks, I’m still struggling a bit with the finicky computer systems they use.

When I finally make it back out onto the patio, the dynamic has completely changed. Decklan’s mother is crying softly, and Decklan looks as though he’s ready to kill someone; his face contorted in anger as he glares at Trey across the table. Not sure what to do, I silently deposit the payment books onto the table and quietly slip away. The tension is so heavy I can feel the weight of it just by being in close proximity. I glance outside over the next several minutes while still tending to my customers that are seated indoors, but I can’t really get a feel of what exactly is going on. After delivering food to two different tables, I decide to head back out and collect their money. My stomach sinks slightly when I realize that the only people remaining at the table are Decklan’s mother and brother. “I’m sorry about all the commotion,” she says, wiping her damp cheeks with her napkin. “Don’t apologize, Mom. It’s not your fault.” Trey reassures her, patting the back of her hand. “Are you sure there’s nothing else I can get for you?” I ask, eager to escape the awkwardness of a clearly emotional situation. “No, dear. Thank you.” She gives me a weak smile. I nod, turning to collect the payment books from the table before heading back inside. Having paid in cash, the moment I leave the table she stands, collecting her purse, exiting the patio just moments later with Trey at her side. Letting out a slow exhale, I turn my attention to cashing out each check, trying to focus on something other than my disappointment with how quickly Decklan left. I don’t know what I expected. I guess I hoped maybe...hell, I don’t know what I was hoping for. Shaking my head, I flip open the last payment book to find Decklan’s check inside but no money along with it. Confused, I glance back towards the table thinking maybe he left the cash there but immediately freeze when I realize he has reclaimed his seat at the table. Swallowing down the sudden lump in my throat, I head slowly back outside, more nervous now than I have been since he arrived because now I don’t have the buffer of his family being with him. “Sorry. I thought you left so I picked this up,” I say, sitting the payment book back onto the table in front of him. “What time do you get off work?” he asks, completely bypassing my statement. “What?” The word falls from my lips in confusion, but I quickly recover. “Um, here in the next few minutes,” I say, doing my best to seem as casual as possible. “I have to wait for the rest of my tables to cash out.” He nods his head slowly as if processing the information. “In that case, I think I’ll have one more.” He gives me a slow smirk that makes my knees tremble slightly below my weight. “Oh, okay,” I say, not sure why what time I get off work plays a factor in him staying for another drink. Confusion swarms my mind as I try to figure out exactly what is happening right now. And while I am a bit scared at the possibility that maybe he wants to hang out when I get off, the thought also sends an excitement through me that is nearly impossible to contain. Picking the payment book up, I return just moments later with his fourth beer and his new check. He gives me a slow nod, his gaze following me as I set the glass down in front of him. “You’re not from around here, are you?” He cocks his head to the side as if trying to figure something out. “Am I that obvious?” I blush slightly, not entirely able to control the flood of all the emotions I’m currently experiencing. “Let me guess, Indiana?” He crosses his arms casually in front of himself as he relaxes back into his chair. “West Virginia.” A small laugh manages to escape my lips at his expression.

“Close enough.” He gives me an amused smile, the action making him so incredibly sexy I can barely stifle the moan that seems to work its way into my throat. “I take it you are from here?” I force myself to speak. “Is it that obvious?” He repeats my question back to me. “Kind of.” I can’t contain my wide smile when he leans his head back on a deep laugh. “Well, I should get back to work,” I say, gesturing towards the indoor dining room. “Is there anything else I can get for you?” “Not at the moment.” He gives me a wicked smile and slides his aviators down just far enough that his gray eyes meet mine, my stomach bottoming out the moment they do. I have half a mind to say screw my other customers and beg him to take me somewhere and show me what I have so clearly been missing. It’s apparent in the way every fiber of my body aches for him that I have never truly known what it means to want someone. “Okay,” I stutter out, feeling the blush once again flood my cheeks. Spinning around I quickly walk away, wondering if he’s purposely implying something or if I’m just interpreting things the way I want them to be. After dropping off the checks for my last two tables, I slide inside the ladies room to wash my hands and try to get a grip on my quickly unwinding nerves. “You don’t even know him,” I say to my reflection in the mirror. “Pull yourself together.” Even as I utter the words, I can’t help the slow smile that spreads in front of me. “Stop it,” I warn myself. It does me no good. He’s under my skin. I continue to try to talk myself out of encouraging this situation any further, knowing full well that if anyone is hidden behind one of the stall doors I am likely to sound like an absolute lunatic but honestly at the current moment, I’m not sure that I care much. I stare hard at myself in the mirror, taking in my flushed complexion and the glaze over my eyes. The way my wild curls are tied up haphazardly in a knot fit perfectly with how wild and unhinged a man I don’t even know has managed to make me feel. Taking one more deep breath I finally exit the bathroom, my steps faltering the moment I catch sight of Garrett leaning against the bar speaking to Jane, the mid-day bartender. I have to do a double take, at first convinced that my mind is playing tricks on me. Only I don’t think it is. In fact, I know it’s not. I know the moment his chocolate eyes meet mine and a wide smile crosses his clean shaved face that he really is standing just feet from me and now closing in. It’s only seconds before his arms wrap around my shoulders and he’s pulling me tightly against his chest. “God it’s so good to see you, Kim.” He gives me another tight squeeze before releasing me, taking a step back to get a good look at me. “Garrett?” It’s all I can manage; the unexpected arrival of my ex-boyfriend placing me in a state of confusion and shock. “What...what are you doing here?” I question. “I missed you.” He almost whines, pouting out his bottom lip slightly. I don’t know why but the action makes me cringe. “How did you find me?” I question, having never mentioned to him exactly where I work in the handful of times we’ve spoken since I’ve been here. He looks almost offended for a split second but then quickly recovers, his perfect exterior immediately falling back into place.

“Well I went to your dorm room first, but you weren’t there. Your roommate said I could find you here.” He smiles and I do my best to return the smile, at the current moment plotting my revenge on Harlee who has no idea the position she has just put me in. I can’t blame her, of course. She knows so very little about my past or Garrett. If roles were reversed, I probably would have done the same thing. Taking a long hard look at the man in front of me, it becomes so apparently clear how much I’ve changed since arriving in Oregon. By the look on his face as he takes in my attire, I would say he’s reaching the same conclusion. “You look...different,” he observes, gesturing to my casual clothing. Throwing out my skirts and blouses was one of the first things I did when I arrived here. I couldn’t bear to wear the clothing my parents’ had forced me to endure for the last eighteen years, never being allowed to express myself through fashion. “I feel different,” I admit, flicking my eyes towards the patio where Decklan is. My heart drops as I watch him stand, dropping cash onto the table before exiting the patio, not once looking in my direction. Disappointment creeps into my gut and quickly spreads through the rest of my body, leaving me with an almost sinking feeling. “Kim.” Garrett pulls my attention back to him. “Sorry. I’m working,” I say, shaking my head slightly. “I know. Of course, of course you are. The bartender said you are finishing your shift up, I was hoping I could wait for you.” He gives me a hopeful smile. “Yeah, okay,” I say, trying to keep my frustration in check. I still don’t understand why he would fly across the country to see someone who has made it more than clear she doesn’t want to see him. “Give me ten minutes. You can wait at the bar,” I say, stepping past him to make my way back out onto the patio. Stopping in front of Decklan’s now deserted table, I pick up the hundred dollar bill he left folded on top of his check. I can’t help but wonder why in hell he left so much when his bill was under twenty dollars. Do I seem desperate for money somehow? The thought makes me slightly self-conscious, but I try to push it away. I’m sure he was just being nice. Turning to my left, I manage to catch sight of Decklan just as he climbs onto his motorcycle that is parked across the street from the restaurant. I want to go after him, find out why he left so abruptly, but the last thing I want to do is seem desperate. I was just his waitress and nothing more. He probably sends signals like that to every female he encounters. I was foolish to let myself think he was actually interested in me. A man who oozes sex is just that. He can’t help how he makes a woman feel, it’s just part of who he is. Letting out a deep sigh, I turn and make my way back inside to cash out his check and the two other tables that still remain in the indoor dining area. Less than ten minutes later, I am exiting the restaurant with Garrett at my side. I wait until we have walked several feet away from the restaurant before turning on Garrett, causing him to stop in the middle of the sidewalk. He looks from side to side and then steps towards the wall of the building behind us. “Why did you stop?” He seems confused. “I can’t do this, Garrett. I can’t just pretend like you showing up here is a good thing. It’s not. I asked you for time,” I start. “And I gave it to you.” He cuts me off, keeping his voice low. If there is one thing Garrett hates, it’s public conflict. He hates drawing unwanted attention to himself.

“No, you didn’t.” I shake my head. “You’ve called me multiple times a day since I’ve been here and now you just show up. I’ve been gone eight weeks, Garrett. Eight, and already here you are.” “Why is it such a bad thing that I miss you, that I want to speak to you, that I want to see you?” He runs a hand through his perfectly styled brown hair, clearly frustrated. “Because I don’t want to see you,” I say, instant guilt swarming my stomach with the hurt that I can see in his dark eyes. “Look.” I try to soften the blow. “I told you when I left, I will never find out who I really am unless I am given a chance to figure it out. I can’t be your girlfriend. I can’t be my parents’ daughter. I need to be Kimber. Just Kimber.” “I still don’t understand why you have to rid yourself of everyone to figure out what you want in life.” He crosses his arms in front of himself, his gray collared fleece bunching at his chest. “Because everyone thinks they know what I want; what’s best for me. Even you. You have spent the last three years trying to make me your perfect girl. That’s not me. I’m not the daughter my parents’ see me as, and I am not the kind of woman that you are going to be happy with.” “I was happy with you,” he interjects. “But that wasn’t me. Don’t you get it? That was the me I wanted you to see. The me my parents’ made me feel forced to be. I don’t want to be that person anymore. And you deserve to be with someone who will be honest with you and who wants the same things you want.” I reach out and rest my hand on his forearm, but he flinches away from the contact. “Who is he?” His face instantly hardens. “What?” I ask, confused by the sudden change in his demeanor. “The guy you’re screwing; who is he?” “I’m not screwing anyone,” I say, a bit taken aback by his words. “Yeah right, Kimber. You don’t just decide to be someone else. People change other people. Someone is clearly changing you. So who is he?” “I’m changing me,” I state forcefully. “Only me. I am finally becoming the person I have always been. For the first time in my life, I’m free. I’m free from judgment, free from disappointing everyone around me, free from you and from my parents’.” “I don’t understand why you can’t do all of this with me?” His voice returns to the smooth proper tone he uses when he’s trying to impress someone. “Because you are not the solution, Garrett. You’re part of the problem,” I say, finally telling him what I should have when I ended things between us two months ago. “So three years...three years meant nothing to you?” His anger returns. “Of course, it did. You are a part of so many of my firsts. I will also value the time we spent together, Garrett, always. But our time together is over now. We don’t want the same things in life. We’re not the same people we were three years ago.” “I can’t just let you go. We are meant to be together, Kim. You know it as much as I do; you’re just scared.” “It’s Kimber, not Kim and no, I’m not scared. I don’t want to be with you, Garrett.” “I won’t let you go just like that,” he states, matter of fact. “I will wait as long as it takes for the girl I know is in there; the girl who loves me too.” “Well then, you’re going to be waiting for a very long time because that girl is gone, and she’s never coming back.” “I don’t know what to do without you.” He breathes, his demeanor shifting. “You’ll figure it out. I know you will,” I say, pushing up on my tiptoes to lay a gentle kiss to his cheek. “Goodbye, Garrett,” I say, pulling away.

I give him one last small smile before turning and walking away, leaving him standing in the middle of the sidewalk. It takes everything I have not to turn around, but at the end of the day I know I need to hold strong. Garrett is no longer a part of my life and the clearer I make that, the better he’s going to be in the end for it. There’s no sense in giving him false hope, no matter how bad I feel for hurting him. Garrett is my past. I am my future. What I can make of that is still yet to be seen.

Chapter Four Decklan “Well, how did it go?” Gavin looks up at me from behind the bar the moment I step inside. “How the fuck do you think it went?” I snap, throwing my keys and sunglasses down on the bar before sliding onto one of the stools. I throw a nod to two customers that are seated at the end of the bar drinking beer before turning back to Gavin just as he steps up directly across the bar from me. “Whiskey?” he questions, already grabbing a glass and the bottle before I even have a chance to answer. “Why the fuck not?” I let out a loud exhale, relaxing back into the stool. “Why are you here anyways?” I observe, scouring the bar for signs of Jules, who typically bartends Sunday through Wednesday. “I was bored, thought I’d give Jules the night off.” He shrugs, setting the full glass of whiskey in front of me. I’ll never understand why Gavin spends his spare time working the bar. He claims it helps distract him and clear his head when things are bothering him. “Everything cool with you?” I ask, cocking my head to the side. “Truthfully, I just wanted a reason to avoid having to go to my aunt Lenora’s birthday party. Perfect excuse.” He smiles and gestures around the bar. “What would old Lenora think if she knew you volunteered to work to avoid going to see her?” I joke. “Considering that crazy old bat always confuses me for my numb nuts cousin, I don’t think she’ll notice. The cover is in case my pesky sister decides to come snooping.” He snorts, turning when one of the men at the end of the bar signals for another beer. He’s right about one thing: Mia is definitely one that would double check his alibi. Being seven years older than Gavin, she has always mothered him in a way. It’s only gotten worse since she’s popped out two kids of her own. Grabbing the glass in front of me, I sling back the contents in one large gulp, finding comfort in the way the liquor seers my throat on the way down. And while it somewhat takes the edge off, it does nothing to cure the deep ache in my groin left by Kimber. All I can see is her face: those big blue eyes, the way loose strands of hair fell across her perfect skin, how fucking incredible her ass looked in those tight little skinny jeans she was wearing. I can’t even start on how damn delicious she smelled. Fuck me. I don’t know why this fucking girl is so under my skin. I know I’m going to have to fuck her. I won’t be able to think straight again until I do. “So you know the chick from last night?” I ask when Gavin reappears in front of me, moving to refill my empty glass. “What about her?” “She was the fucking waitress at the restaurant.”

“Wait, the one you were just at?” he asks, seeming surprised by this funny little twist. “The very one.” “So did you hit it or what?” he asks like it’s any other question. “I told you, it’s not like that. Besides, I’m fairly certain she couldn’t handle me.” “When is it ever really not like that with you, Deck? You forget who you’re talking to.” He rolls his eyes as he pushes the refilled glass of whiskey in front of me. “Okay, so I thought about it,” I admit, grabbing the glass. “Well then, why didn’t you?” He laughs, knowing full well that when I want something, I rarely hesitate on taking it. “Some dude showed up and was hanging on her, seemed like they were an item.” I shrug, pouring my second drink into my mouth. “Since when has that stopped you?” He lets out a laugh. “I don’t know, man. I’m all fucked up over the bullshit that happened at lunch. I guess I’m just off. Trey was really on it today.” I grunt, sliding my empty glass to the edge of the bar. “I don’t know why you even agreed to go, dude. Fuck him. He’s not worth your fucking time.” He stops directly in front of me, his tone falling serious. “Look, dude, you’ve had a shit way to go. You can’t fucking punish yourself forever, and you certainly can’t let Trey do it for you. We got a good thing here,” he says, gesturing around the bar. “Focus on that.” “Thanks,” I say, Gavin reminding me why I keep his ass around. At the end of the day, dude’s got my back like no one else. “That’s what brothers are for.” He gives me a nod, knowing he’s more my brother than Trey will ever be. “You got shit covered here then?” I ask, checking the clock behind the counter to see it’s just after six. “Yeah, I’m good. Sunday and all.” He shrugs, knowing it will be a pretty slow night. “Perfect. I’m gonna go hit the gym,” I say, pushing away from the bar. “Have fun,” he calls over his shoulder as I push my way through the side door that leads up to my apartment. Climbing the stairs two at a time, I shove the key into the lock and step inside the small space. The moment the door closes I feel almost claustrophobic, like the walls are slowly closing in on me. Yes, the gym is exactly where I need to be. I need to release some of the fucking tension that is built up in various parts of my body. I need to take my aggression out on something other than a fucking bottle of whiskey. I’ve spent too many nights staring at the bottom of an empty bottle as is. The gym is the only other place where I can somewhat numb away the ache that has permanently attached itself to the pit of my stomach since the accident. When I’m there, I push my body so hard that the only pain I can feel is physical. It’s one of the only ways I can find even a moment of peace. Making my way into the open kitchen, I grab two bottles of water from the fridge before crossing into the living room-bedroom combo. It’s not much, but the space is large enough for a full wrap around couch on one side and a king size bed and large dresser on the other. It’s nothing spectacular, but it serves my needs perfectly. Grabbing my already packed gym bag from the floor next to the closet, I immediately head out of the apartment through the private entrance at the back. Climbing down an outdoor set of stairs, I cross the parking lot that separates the gym from the bar. Sliding the key into the back door of Louie’s, a private gym primarily used for training amateur fighters, I push my way inside the moment the lock clicks. The gym is dark and silent, just how I like it. Louie never opens on Sundays, says it’s his sanity day.

Luckily for me, Louie is a fan of his scotch and as such we trade off services. He drinks at my bar for free, and I have unlimited access to his gym anytime I want it, including after hours, which is usually when I come. Flipping on the hallway light, I immediately head for the locker room to change, taking in the silence that somewhat seems to calm the chaos between my ears. I like being alone, having access to any room and any equipment without being disturbed by other people. Working out is one of my major releases, and I can’t have people fucking with me while I try to let out some aggression. Switching on the stereo system that is wired throughout the entire gym, I settle on a rock channel, the beat of the heavy drum matching the pounding I feel coursing through my veins. After taping up my hands, I step in front of one of the large punching bags, taking a couple jabs before really getting into a rhythm. My body feels lighter with each punch I land. This is what I need: to feel control, to feel my body physically strain and pushed to its limits. This is the only way I can let it out; the only way I know how. **** “You’re leaving already?” Audrey pouts out her lower lip as she watches me zip my jeans and start searching for my shoes. “I already told you, I don’t stay,” I remind her, sliding on my dark blue t-shirt before finally turning back towards her. She’s sprawled across the top of the mattress, her naked body fully visible to me. I let my eyes take her in, let them rake across her petite little frame, only the sight of her doesn’t even phase me; not even a little. I’ve had her, and my interest is now gone. That’s how it works for me. I will find a woman I want to fuck, and I fuck her. If I don’t fuck her, I have trouble shaking her, hence why I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Kimber since I left the restaurant three days ago. But once I land her, I know she too will lose her affect on me. “You sure you don’t want to go for another round?” Audrey pulls my attention back to the bed as I slip on my boots. She runs her hand seductively across her milky skin, dipping between her thighs as she begins pleasuring herself in front of me. She bites her bottom lip and bends her neck backward, her long red hair fanning out around her. She’s an attractive enough girl, one I wasn’t initially planning on fucking, though. I try to avoid the clingy stalker type, and Audrey has all the qualities of that type of hookup. But after the week I’ve had, I didn’t much care who I stuck my dick in as long as it meant I could forget; even if for just a little bit. “Stay, Deck,” she moans, dipping her fingers inside of herself. The action does nothing for me, and I can’t pretend it does. Truth be told, I barely got through fucking her the first time around, picturing Kimber’s face at the end just to get myself off. If I don’t fuck this girl before too long, I am likely to lose my fucking mind. I can’t ever remember a time where I have denied myself a woman I want, especially going on days now. “Sorry, I can’t,” I say, my words immediately halting her movements. She pulls the sheet over herself and sits up, hitting me with hurt eyes. “I already told you how this works,” I remind her again. “Once. That’s it. I didn’t mislead you, so don’t look at me like I did.” “I know.” She pouts. “I guess I was just hoping...” She trails off. “Hoping what?” I ask, her words making me curious.

“That I could be the one.” She blushes slightly as she finally meets my gaze. “You know, the one you would be willing to break your one-time rule for.” “What are you talking about?” Her question catches me a bit off-guard. “I just thought... I don’t know. I really like you, Decklan. Like really like you.” She seems embarrassed by her confession. I don’t know when this little infatuation started for her, but I guess I should have seen the signs. She’s been coming to the bar more and more frequently, wearing skimpier outfits each time clearly trying to snag my attention. Standing, I let out a loud exhale. “There’s a reason I only sleep with a woman once. And that’s because I don’t ever want to mislead a woman into believing I can give her more... I can’t.” I lean forward and kiss the top of Audrey’s head. “You were incredible,” I reassure her, slipping on my leather jacket before quickly exiting her bedroom. Sliding on my helmet the moment I reach my bike parked on the side of the road, I throw my leg over the sleek black exterior and fire the engine to life. Seconds later I’m speeding down the street, weaving through parked cars that take up a good portion of the neighborhood roadways. I drive towards the bar, but once I get close I decide to just keep going. It has to be getting close to midnight at this point, and the wind whipping around me becomes colder with each moment that passes. But I just keep driving. I need to clear my fucking head. I need to not go home where I will likely numb myself with shots of whiskey and maybe even fuck another woman. The same pattern and yet the results it yields are always the same. It’s an endless cycle and one that brings me very little comfort anymore. Veering onto the freeway, I increase my speed, taking advantage of the sparse late night traffic. I drive so long that by the time I finally pull off at the Springfield exit, my legs and hands are damn near numb from the drop in temperature. I don’t know what I’m doing here. My hometown is a place I avoid like the plague, but for some reason, it’s the place I feel like I need to be tonight. Following the familiar roads I spent my entire youth traveling, it takes only a few minutes before I’m pulling my bike off into a vacant old parking lot that sits directly across from the Springfield cemetery. Killing the engine, I climb off and deposit my helmet onto the seat before pulling a cigarette out of my jacket pocket. Lighting it, I take a deep inhale before setting off across the street. The cemetery is closed, of course, the main gate locked and inaccessible to vehicles. But that doesn’t stop me. Clenching my cigarette between my lips, I climb up the eight feet iron fencing that surrounds the entire graveyard, hopping to the ground the moment I reach the top. Straightening my jacket, I set off into the darkness, knowing exactly where I am heading. I weave in and out of various headstones, heading towards the back row that sits several hundred feet from the entrance. When I finally reach my destination, I drop my cigarette, stomping out the cherry with the heel of my boot before taking the final remaining steps towards the large dark headstone in front of me. Conner Roderick Taylor January, 3 1994-November 29, 2008 My eyes scan the tombstone for several long seconds, trying to remember his face, his voice; all the things that I feel are slipping away with time. “Hey, little brother,” I finally manage to say, swallowing down the hard knot in my throat as I reach out and rest my hand on the cold stone.

Chapter Five Kimber “Honestly, honey, I don’t know why you don’t just come home. You don’t belong in Oregon. You belong here, with your family and people who love you.” My mother drones on in my ear as I cross campus, heading to Lovett’s directly from my English Lit class, only half paying attention to what she’s actually saying. “We’ve been through this. I’m here to stay, at least until I complete my degree. After that, well, I guess I’ll just have to figure it out as I go,” I say, readjusting my bag that hangs heavily on my shoulder. “That is no plan at all,” she interjects, still not able to support my decisions simply because they are mine and not hers. “I’m not doing this again, Mother. I’ve gotta get to work. Talk soon, okay,” I say, ignoring her attempt to keep me on the phone as I hit the end call button and slide the device into the front pocket of my jacket. Of course, I avoid telling her that I’m off work for the next two days and actually just heading over to pick up my paycheck. Cutting her off with an excuse is the only way I can end a conversation with her on a relatively good note. I hate that it has to be this way. I hate that I can’t share in the joys of my college experience with my own mother. Unfortunately, she’s too controlling to back down, and I am too far gone to cave to the ridiculous demands that I drop my classes and return home to attend the school of their choosing with no say at all over my future. It takes less than fifteen minutes before I am pushing my way inside the front door of Lovett’s, giving Johnson, the older gentleman who mans the bar in the evening, a nod and small smile before dropping my heavy bag next to the bar and sliding into a vacant stool. “Need your paycheck?” Johnson asks the moment he approaches me, sliding a glass of water across the bar. “Please.” I smile, taking a long drink of the cold liquid. “Here you are, dear.” He returns just seconds later, setting a white sealed envelope in front of me. I glance up to thank him but immediately freeze when I catch sight of the man who has dominated my thoughts for the past few days, sitting just cattycorner across the bar from me, a glass of golden liquor in front of him. Decklan. He meets my gaze almost instantly, causing my stomach to twist and the ground beneath me to shift slightly. What is he doing here? “Did you have class today?” I hear Johnson’s words, but it takes me several moments to process them enough to form an answer. “Um...yes, just finished my last class of the day.” I break away from Decklan’s stare to turn my attention back to the gray-haired man in front of me. “Have you been this slow all evening?” I attempt to distract myself from the gray eyes I can still feel burning holes in the side of my face. “Pretty much.” He shrugs, turning his attention to the front door when two middle-aged men walk in and take a seat on the other side of the bar. “Well, I guess I’ll see you next week then.” He nods before

setting off in the direction of the new arrivals. Before I have time to even process Decklan being here, he appears at my side, pulling the stool out directly to my left before taking a seat. “Funny seeing you here.” His lips turn up in a one-sided smile while his eyes remain focused forward. I try not to stare too long at his profile, at the curve of his jaw or the long scar that starts at his temple and then disappears into his thick mess of dark blond hair. “I work here,” I manage to get out though my voice doesn’t quite portray the sarcasm that I intend for it to. “But you’re not working tonight?” he asks, spinning his stool towards me, prompting me to turn my head inward to face him. “I’m not,” I confirm, my heart feeling like it might actually beat through my chest at any moment. “Let’s get out of here.” His request throws me off guard a bit, and I suck in a shaky inhale. “And go where?” “Anywhere you want to go.” He shrugs. “Are you hungry?” “I could eat,” I answer, even though my appetite checked out of the building about three minutes ago when my eyes landed on the incredible looking man now sitting next to me. “There’s this amazing little pizza place about ten minutes from here. You in?” He gives me the sexiest grin I have ever seen, and I all but melt right on the spot. “Um. Well... I...” I stutter out, not sure if I should. I mean, I don’t even know this man. “I promise I don’t bite.” His smile widens as he leans forward, closing the distance between us to just mere inches. “I mean, unless you’re into that sort of thing,” he whispers, his eyes holding mine completely captive. I can feel the heat rush my face, the crimson color fill my cheeks as his words wash over me. It slowly spreads through my limbs, warming every inch of my body. “Well?” he questions, tilting my chin upwards with his hand, not allowing me to break the contact. “Okay,” I breathe out my reply on a shaky exhale. “Leave your bag, we’ll come back for it,” he says, grabbing it from the floor as he stands. “Would you keep this here for, Kimber?” he asks Jefferson who passes by us at that exact moment. “Of course.” Jefferson nods and retrieves my bag from Decklan, stuffing it underneath the bar for safe keeping. Without another word he nods and walks away, busying himself with another group of customers who have just entered the bar area of the restaurant. “Ready?” Decklan holds his hand out to me, watching me intently as I take it and allow him to guide me off of the bar stool. Tucking his hand around my fingers, he leads me out of the bar, not stopping until we reach his motorcycle which is parked across the street. My feet falter the moment we approach the sleek black bike. “Let me guess, you’ve never been on a motorcycle before?” he asks, releasing my hand to retrieve the helmet resting on the seat of the bike. “Never,” I breathe, my insides twisting violently. His smile only widens as he deposits the large black helmet on top of my head. Everything in me is telling me to run. I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be leaving with a man I don’t know who could end up taking me God knows where, let alone getting on the back of his motorcycle. But something about the way he looks at me silences that voice, reassuring me that I can trust him. But can I really? “Should you be driving?” I stutter out, embarrassed to even ask the question. “I mean, you were just drinking,” I add on. Wow, way not to sound like a total loser, Kimber. Smooth. Real smooth.

Decklan runs a hand through his messy hair, pushing the fallen strands away from his eyes as he settles onto his bike; hitting me with an amused smile. “I only had one, and I promise you, I would never put you on this bike with me if I was in any way inebriated. I may drink and drive, but I don’t drive drunk.” His tone falls serious, and for a moment I almost feel bad for even asking the question. “Aren’t you going to wear a helmet?” I can’t control the word vomit that continues to spew from my mouth, feeling my embarrassment grow with each moment that passes. Shut up, Kimber. Shut up and get on the bike. “I only have one.” He taps lightly against the visor of the helmet on my head, halting my movements when I reach to remove it. “You’re wearing it.” His tone is absolute. “Trust me, you are much more valuable than I am.” He winks, reaching for my hand. I hesitate for a brief moment before I finally lay my hand in his. Stepping where he tells me to step, I fling my leg over the bike as I settle onto the seat behind him. Reaching around, he grabs my wrists securing both of my arms around his waist. “Whatever you do, do not let go,” He instructs, firing the bike to life. The vibration beneath me is enough to cause my breath to catch in my throat and sends my heart beating even more violently against my ribcage, fear coursing through my entire body. I take a shaky inhale as I secure my grip, my hand skirting across his hard abs through his open jacket and thin black t-shirt as I do. Trying to ignore the sudden surge of electricity I feel being secured so tightly against him, I lay my head against his back and clench my eyes closed tightly; praying to God this isn’t the biggest mistake of my life. I feel the weight of the bike shift as Decklan takes off and proceeds to weave through traffic. He handles the motorcycle with such ease that my nerves settle slightly after a couple of minutes. Even still I’m not brave enough to open my eyes for any of it. By the time the bike slows and the vibration beneath me dies off, I feel like I am stuck in my current position from holding my body so rigid for so long. Decklan senses this and lets out a deep laugh, his back vibrating slightly against my chest. “It wasn’t that bad was it?” he asks when I still make no attempt to move. “I don’t think I can move,” I admit, not sure if I can’t or simply don’t want to. “Here.” He unlocks my hands from his waist and slides off the bike, careful not to move me as he does. Once his feet hit the ground, he turns, reaching up to unlatch the helmet and pull it off of my head before depositing it directly in front of me on the seat. “There.” He smiles, pushing my wild tangled mess of hair away from my face. “Better?” He reaches for me when I nod, lifting me under the armpits as he slides me from the back of his motorcycle and sets me gently to the ground just inches from him. Reaching out, he pushes my hair behind my shoulders before tipping my face upwards so that my gaze meets his. “Glad I can say I was your first.” He gives me a wicked smile, laughing when he sees the blush once again take over my face. “Your first motorcycle ride.” He laughs again, clearly finding amusement in the fact that my brain doesn’t seem to function properly around him. “Come on.” He takes my hand once again, causing me to spin around as he leads me through the parking lot. I don’t recognize where we are, but it’s a pretty populated place; a long strip mall of businesses and small little restaurants. It doesn’t take me long to locate the pizza place I assume we are heading towards. There’s a large window that makes up the front of the store, Pops Pizza painted brightly across the glass. I quicken my steps to keep up with Decklan’s long strides given he’s quite a bit taller than me. I would say he’s at least six feet where as I stand just around five four.

He slows to a stop just short of the entrance to the pizza place, leaning forward to open the front door before ushering me inside, his hand falling to the small of my back as he does. The contact causes a shiver to run down my spine and while Decklan doesn’t say anything, I know without a doubt he notices. Avoiding his gaze, I allow him to lead me through the establishment, my eyes taking in the small pizza parlor. It’s a pretty standard size; a square dining room that has four booths along the far wall, two of which are occupied by other customers, and two square tables in the middle. There’s a long counter that runs along the front wall and is open to the kitchen where I briefly catch sight of a younger looking man rolling out dough. Decklan doesn’t stop until we reach the booth that sits in the far corner of the room. Removing my jacket, I hang it on a wooden hook that’s attached to the post of the booth before sliding into the seat. I can’t keep my eyes off of Decklan as he removes his own jacket, the thin material of his black t-shirt clinging to his clearly muscular body in all the right ways. I flick my eyes to Decklan’s face as he slides into the booth across from me, his slow spreading smile telling me he knows exactly what I was looking at. “So this place is pretty good?” I ask, taking a menu that is wedged between the wall and the napkin holder, desperate for a distraction. “The best.” He smiles, watching me intently. “So what do you recommend?” I ask, laying my menu face up on the table in front of me. “You can’t make a wrong choice here. But I have a weakness for the thin crust pizza with pepperoni.” He settles back into the seat, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest. “Sounds good to me,” I say, closing the menu. “So...” I let out a small sigh of relief when we are interrupted by an older lady who immediately approaches our table. Her black pants and matching button down shirt are covered in flour, her salt and pepper hair tied back in a frizzy bun. I can’t help but notice the way her face lights up when her eyes land on the man across from me. At first, I think maybe she just realizes how attractive he is. I mean I’m sure older women are no more immune to his charms than younger ones are, but then I realize that’s not it. The recognition in her eyes tells me she knows him. “Decklan Taylor as I live and breathe.” She hits Decklan with a wide smile. “Ms. Marie.” He stands, giving her a one-armed hug. “How are you? How’s Bob?” he asks, sliding back down into the booth. “Oh, you know that old fart, still kicking.” She laughs. “He’s at home with the grandkids tonight. But he’ll sure be disappointed he missed you.” She gives him a warm smile. “What’s it been, two years?” “Probably close to that. I don’t get down this way that often,” he explains. “And Gavin, how is that trouble maker?” “Same as ever.” He smiles warmly back at the older woman. “Why does that not surprise me?” She shakes her head before seeming to finally realize that someone else is sitting at the table with Decklan. “And who is this beautiful creature?” She gives me a toothy grin, waiting for Decklan to introduce us. “Ms. Marie, this is Kimber, a friend of mine.” “So nice to meet you.” I smile up at the older woman, reaching out to shake her hand when she extends it to me. “You too, my dear. Any friend of Decklan’s is a friend of mine. Spent half my days trying to keep this heathen out of trouble I did.” “Is that so?” I smile, flicking my eyes to Decklan who gives me a playful shrug. “Story for another time I suppose.” Marie laughs. “Now, what can I get for you? The usual?” She turns back to Decklan.

“That sounds amazing,” he confirms. “And to drink?” He surprises me by saying water, and I indicate that I will take the same. In the three times I have been in this man’s presence I’ve never seen him drink anything but alcohol. It’s good to know he’s chosen water, especially considering he is my way back to campus. “Coming right up.” Marie smiles, spinning as she makes her way behind the counter. “Old friend of yours?” I smile, gesturing towards where the older woman was just standing. “I grew up just a couple of blocks from here. I practically lived here every day after school. Marie and her husband Bob were like second parents to me and Gavin.” “Gavin. He’s a friend of yours?” I question. “More like my brother,” he confirms. “You’ve met him already,” he says, explaining when I hit him with a look of confusion. “At Deviants.” “The bartender?” “Yes, he was bartending the night you were there but he’s more than that; we run the bar together. He’s my business partner.” He nods towards Marie who reappears with our waters. “Should be out shortly,” she says, sliding the glasses in front of each of us. “Thank you,” I say, smiling in her direction as she turns and walks away. “Wait, so you own the bar?” I jump right back into our conversation the moment she’s out of earshot. “I do. Well, with Gavin. We bought it four years ago. Of course, it was a complete dump back then, but we managed to turn it around.” “I would say so,” I agree, having seen the bar firsthand. Even though it’s a bit out of my comfort zone, my statement is the absolute truth. Deviants, while wild and a bit untamed, is a very nice establishment. “You didn’t seem too thrilled with it last Saturday.” A slow smile creeps across his impossibly handsome face. “It’s just... a little different than what I’m used to,” I admit. “I’m starting to gather there are a lot of things that are different than what you’re used to.” He leans towards me, his elbows coming to a rest on top of the table in front of him. “Is it that obvious?” I question. “It’s not a bad thing.” He reaches out and takes my left hand, twisting his fingers around mine. “In fact, I find it quite refreshing.” His voice drops low, and my stomach immediately erupts in butterflies. “So you said you’re from around here?” I redirect, desperate to take the conversation off of me. “I am,” he confirms not giving me anything else. “Why did you leave?” I ask when he makes no attempt to continue. “Why did you?” His obvious avoidance of the topic tells me everything I need to know. “It’s a long story.” I sigh, my eyes falling to our hands as his thumbs trace circles across the back of my skin. “Lucky for you I’ve got all night.” He grins, the action causing my stomach to bottom out. Every little thing this man does makes me feel like I am going to melt into a puddle at his feet. He just makes me feel, I don’t know, alive I guess. There’s no other way to explain it. The world just suddenly seems so much more vibrant. “I...” I start but then stop, pulling my hand away from Decklan as Marie reappears at our table, sliding a large pizza and two plates between us. While the food looks incredible, I’m not sure my stomach will accept it. It’s so knotted and full of nerves it’s almost painful. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, I try to push aside the nervous energy surging through me.

I wait for Decklan to grab a slice of pizza before I help myself to one as well. I make sure he isn’t watching me as I slowly lift the slice to my lips and take a small bite. He’s right of course, the pizza is amazing, but it still takes everything I have to force it down. I can’t focus, can’t find a way to silence the loud thud in my ears as my heart pounds rapidly in my chest. I can’t concentrate on anything except the way his incredible gray eyes keep finding mine, the heat behind his intense stare, and how my entire body tingles beneath it. I am in so much trouble...

Chapter Six Decklan This is fucking torture. Having Kimber wrapped around me, clinging onto me for dear life as if I’m the only thing tethering her to the world; it’s enough to make me fucking insane. All I want is to bury myself deep inside of her and shatter her perfect little exterior. With her pressed so tightly against me, it’s nearly impossible not to pull over somewhere and do just that. She tenses as I maneuver the bike around a curve in the road, her grip growing impossibly tight. I can’t help but let out a light laugh, the sound lost to the noise of the wind whipping around us. Pulling up outside the dorm building Kimber advised me that she lives in, I pull into a vacant parking spot and kill the engine. She immediately loosens her grip; the loss of her arms wrapped around me the last thing I want to feel right now. Fuck this girl has me so mixed up. She slides off the back of the bike before I make any attempt to move, handing me the helmet as she steps around beside me. “Thank you for dinner.” She gives me a sweet smile, the familiar blush returning to her pale cheeks. “And for the ride.” She pushes up on her tiptoes and leans in, laying a light kiss to my cheek. When she lingers there a second too long, I can’t fight the urge to taste her any longer. Turning my face inward, I latch my fingers into the back of her hair and pull her mouth roughly to mine. She tenses for a brief moment, my action clearly catching her off guard, before she finally relaxes into the kiss, her lips parting slightly on a soft moan as I trail my tongue lightly across her lower lip. Her hand finds my upper thigh, her nails digging into my flesh as I deepen the kiss, pulling her towards me. I let out a deep groan as I slide my tongue against hers, feeling her tremble slightly against me. It’s enough to make me almost frantic with need. But just as I feel like I might split apart if I don’t have her right now, she slowly eases out of the kiss, her breath coming in short spurts as she pulls away and meets my gaze with heated eyes. “I... I should go.” She pants, stumbling backward slightly as she steps out of my embrace. I open my mouth to speak but then close it again, not really sure what to say. Instead, I sit silently on my motorcycle under the dark night sky and watch her disappear from view. Letting out a slow shaky exhale, I run my hands through my hair. What the fuck was that? I can’t ever remember a time when a kiss has gotten me so worked up. I must want this girl a lot more than even I realized. **** “Wait, so let me get this straight. You took her out to dinner?” Gavin stares at me in disbelief from his bar stool. “Like a date?” “Why is that so surprising?” I ask, not seeing the big deal.

“Because date is not part of your vocabulary, dude. I don’t think you’ve ever taken someone on a date.” “It was just pizza at Maria and Bob’s place.” I shrug, taking a swig of my beer before setting it back down onto the counter. The bar closed over an hour ago, but neither Gavin nor myself seems to be in any rush to call it a night. “Still, dude, that’s huge for you.” He leans over the bar and drops his empty bottle into the trashcan. “It’s really not that big of a deal. She’s not the kind of girl you just fuck. She’s the kind of girl you get to know first.” I drain the rest of my beer, sliding my empty bottle towards Gavin who immediately drops it into the trashcan as well. “That may be, but I’ve never known you to waste your time on girls that require any type of work to bag.” He lets out a gruff laugh. “I don’t know, man, I’m just sick of the same old shit I guess. Women who are willing to spread their legs for anyone are a dime a dozen. Women like Kimber, now that’s a prize.” “Whatever does it for you I guess.” He shrugs. “She got any hot friends that aren’t quite so difficult to woo into bed?” He raises his eyebrows suggestively. “Maybe. Her friends that came here with her last weekend seem to fall under the work-free category from what I gathered.” I let out a slow exhale, stretching my arms. “Then what are we waiting for?” He laughs. “I’m not lining up girls for you to fuck. You can take care of that shit yourself.” I open a fresh beer and toss the bottle cap at his face, laughing when it pings off the top of his forehead and then bounces to the floor. “Not cool, dude.” He shakes his head before pushing out of the chair to his feet. “Alright, I’m over your pansy bullshit. I’m heading out.” He grabs his jacket off of the back of the bar stool, sliding it on. “Be careful,” I say, knocking his fist with mine when he holds it out to me. “Always am.” He throws on his cocky ass smile before practically skipping towards the exit. “Don’t forget to lock this shit,” he says, pushing the front door open; disappearing outside without another word. The door no more than latches closed before I feel the onset of what has become almost a daily struggle in my life. Headaches so severe they are downright disorienting. I drop my head into my hands, the sudden and violent pain shooting through my skull causing the entire room to seem to shift sideways. I groan out, squeezing my forehead with my hand as I wait for the pain to pass. It always does, eventually. Just another reminder of how much the accident changed. How much it changed me, both physically and emotionally. I guess that’s what happens when you suffer severe head trauma; it fucks you up in all kinds of ways. While the headaches are enough to bring me to my knees sometimes, they have nothing on the pain I feel festering deep within myself. I can take the physical pain, no matter how bad it gets. I think of it as somewhat of a punishment; God’s way of torturing me even further for what I’ve done. Another sharp pain and my stomach twists violently, my body fighting to deal with the intensity of it. I struggle to take a deep breath, and it seems I can’t get my lungs full enough as the pain continues to grow. “Fuuuuck,” I scream out, pushing against the bar as I try to fight through the feeling that my head is on the verge of exploding. I try to focus on my breathing, forcing my lungs to inhale and exhale despite the fact that it feels like there is a thousand pounds sitting directly on top of my chest. But just when I feel like I can't take any more and my body has reached its capacity for the pain coursing through it, it eases, dying away completely within a matter of seconds. Straightening my posture, I slowly open my eyes one at a time, afraid to push too hard too fast and have the pain come billowing back. Taking another deep breath, I push out of the bar stool, my body still

feeling slightly shaky. As soon as I’m sure it has passed, I make a grab for the bottle of whiskey directly across the bar from me. Not wasting my time on a glass, I tip the bottle to my lips and let the heated liquid drain down my throat. When I finally resurface, a third of the bottle is gone and my chest burns like fire. I relish in the pain, the heat searing my insides as it soothes my mind. Sliding on my jacket, I make my way towards the front door, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it the moment I step out into the chilly night air. Taking a deep drag, the smoke fills my lungs, calming me. It always takes me a few minutes to come out of the daze my pain-riddled episodes leave me in, and tonight is no exception. Taking another hit from my cigarette, I try to focus on the taste, the smell, the way the nicotine seems to calm the small tremor still running through my hands. **** “So are you gonna take me somewhere private or what?” The sexy redhead in front of me leans over the bar and trails her hand down the side of my face. “That depends.” I pull away from her touch. “On what?” She slides back down into her stool. “On whether or not you can make it until close without puking,” I say, already knowing she won’t make it another hour before she finds her head in a toilet. “Done.” She smiles, taking the shot in front of her before spinning around and rejoining her friends on the dance floor. “What is that, five now?” Val steps up next to me, an amused expression lighting up her face. “Six, but who’s counting.” I let a laugh roll through me. “I swear to God, women have no shame.” She laughs, nudging me in the side with her elbow. “You would know.” I slide two shots across the bar to one dude before nodding to the next guy who immediately asks for a beer. “That’s why I like them so much.” She runs a hand through her boy short dark hair and gives me a playful smile. “One of these days you’re going to have to let me show you how to really please a woman.” She laughs when I arch my brow at her. “I think I got that covered,” I reply, lining the bar with four shot glasses before pouring each one full of vanilla vodka. “Well, the offer stands regardless.” She hits me with a teasing grin before sliding down the bar to help another customer. Val was the very first bartender we hired after the bar opened. She’s a bit of a spit fire but given the atmosphere, it seems to work in her favor. I never have to worry about her being able to take care of herself with this rowdy crowd. She’s small, but she definitely knows how to fend for herself. I can’t help but shake my head at her when she leans across the bar and lays a kiss directly on the mouth of one of our male customers. Despite the fact the she’s one hundred percent same sex interested, she still plays her role nicely. She’s here to make money, and she knows how to do just that. Turning my attention back to the endless amount of drink orders, I quickly fall back into a groove, sliding drinks across the bar without even really paying attention as to who I’m serving them to. As long as they have a yellow wristband that says they are over twenty-one, I don’t need to know who they are. We are slammed tonight. So much so that I had to pull my ass out of the bed I’ve been laying in all day to come down and help Val and Gavin bartend. Of course, had Matt not called off they would have been fine without me. That fucker better actually be sick. If I find out he called off on a Friday night for some other bullshit reason, his ass will be looking for a new job.

“Can I have a water please?” I hear a familiar voice and look up to find a big set of beautiful blue eyes staring back at me. Kimber. It takes me a moment to get over my shock of seeing her here, but I quickly recover. “What are you doing here?” I smile, grabbing a glass, quickly filling it with water before setting it on the bar in front of her. “I’m celebrating.” She shrugs, taking a long drink of water, her gaze temporarily leaving mine. She looks incredible tonight. Her petite frame is draped in a royal blue sleeveless dress that clings to her chest and flares at her waist. Her blonde hair is pinned back loosely, a few escaped strands falling around her face. Like the other times I’ve seen her, her makeup is light and natural, not that she even needs it. I don’t know that I have ever met anyone as naturally beautiful as the woman standing in front of me. Just watching her full lips close around the rim of her glass is enough to make my groin tighten. Fuck... “What are you celebrating?” I wait until she lowers the glass before asking. “My birthday. Angel and Harlee wouldn’t let me out of going out. I figured if they were going to force me to celebrate, I might as well use it to my advantage.” She points to the dance floor where I immediately spot her two friends from last weekend. “They don’t waste much time,” I observe, watching the two girls who have already managed to draw quite a crowd of men around them. Shaking my head, I turn my attention back to her. “No kidding.” She laughs, looking back towards me. When her eyes meet mine again, an instant blush floods her face. It’s deep enough that it’s visible even under the dim bar lighting. Fuck, it takes everything I have not to reach across the bar and touch her. I can still taste her, feel the way her bottom lip trembled against mine. My eyes immediately find her mouth, and I suck in a ragged breath. That kiss is all I have thought about since last night. “Happy Birthday,” I manage to get out, trying to pull my shit together as I once again meet her gaze. “Thank you.” She gives me a shy smile, clearly still not sure if she made the right choice coming here. I want to tell her she didn’t. In fact, coming here was the worst decision she could have made. There is no way I am going to be able to let her walk out of here tonight. I can’t fight how deeply I crave this girl. But then again, something tells me she already knows this, and that is exactly why she is here. “How about a birthday shot?” I ask, grabbing a shaker glass. “Oh no, thanks.” She shakes her head. “I don’t drink.” “Ever?” I ask, surprised by her response. “I mean, I have before but I don’t usually. Besides, I’m only nineteen, and I don’t want to get you in trouble.” The color of her cheeks only deepens. Fuck me; this girl is going to be the fucking death of me. “Nineteen...” I let it hang it there for a long moment. I knew she was young but fuck, I didn’t know she was that young. “How old are you?” She hits me with curious eyes. “Twenty-five.” I give her a short answer before changing the subject back to the matter at hand. “Now how about that birthday drink? I insist.” I hit her with a reassuring smile when she opens her mouth to protest, snapping it shut when she finally accepts that I’m not going to take no for an answer. Proceeding to fill the shaker glass with ice before adding a variation of liquids to it, I can feel her eyes on me as I pour the purple drink into her glass and slide it towards her. “Purple Hooter.” I laugh lightly at how apprehensive she looks. “It’s good, I promise; very fruity.” “How do I know I can trust you?” She narrows her eyes at me. Leaning across the bar, I stop only when my face is just a few short inches from hers. “You can’t,” I speak low, my gaze holding hers.

I’m close enough that I can hear her sharp inhale and see the way the heat floods her eyes. It’s the first time I’ve ever been convinced that her mind is exactly where mine is. Without another word she slowly lifts the glass to her lips, her eyes not leaving mine as she pours the liquid down her throat.

Chapter Seven Kimber I know he’s watching me. I can feel his eyes burning into the flesh of my back as I move freely across the dance floor, my blue A-line dress swirling around me. Harlee and Angel finally managed to drag me out here after four shots of the purple liquid Decklan has kept on endless supply for all three of us over the last hour. Every time we go to the bar there’s another set of shots lined up. After the first shot Decklan made me, he gave me three yellow bracelets and told me to have fun. I feel guilty for taking advantage of him in this way; I can only imagine the trouble he could get into if someone found out that not one of us is actually old enough to drink. Even still, I can’t deny how good it feels to finally just let loose. I came here to shed the girl I was in West Virginia; to reinvent myself. Since I’ve been here, I have done very little in the way of that. I guess it’s harder to branch away than I realized it would be. “Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot.” I hear Angel chant beside me before I feel her arm loop through mine and begin to pull me from the dance floor. “You really don’t need me do you?” I object, not ready to stop dancing yet; my body high on the warm buzz running through my veins. “Considering it’s your birthday.” Harlee appears at my other side. “Yes, we do.” We finally manage to fight our way through the crowd and reach the bar, but to my disappointment it is Gavin, the sexy bartender/co-owner I met last weekend, who serves us and not Decklan. Of course, the other two seem quite pleased by this fact, considering they know Decklan is off limits. Not like I have some claim on him or anything. But having heard me go on and on about him all day today, I think they pretty much gathered that I am very interested. Not to mention that is why they insisted on coming here tonight. They had to meet the man that had me all sorts of flustered and babbling like an idiot after the kiss he laid on me last night. My hand instinctively goes to my mouth, my fingers tracing lightly across my bottom lip as I remember the feeling of his touch, his taste, how powerfully he commanded my entire body. Snapping out of my daze, I try to act unfazed by Decklan’s absence. Taking one of the six shots Gavin sits in front of us, I tilt it to my lips, pouring the sweet liquid down my throat. Setting the empty glass back on the bar, I catch sight of Decklan just as he appears from a door to the right of the bar with a spunky little red head fast on his heels. My stomach twists violently and an instant rage swarms my body. I don’t have to think very hard about what they were doing behind wherever that door leads. I can tell by the girl’s disheveled hair and the way Decklan adjusts his shirt. It’s only seconds before his eyes meet mine, and I know instantly that my face must give away my reaction to what I just witnessed. I can tell by his own reaction, the way his features seem to tighten. Ripping my eyes away, I grab another shot and pour it down, then another, ignoring the cheers of my two friends who are clearly enjoying watching the uptight good girl from West Virginia pound shots like a mad woman.

“Let’s go,” I holler over the music, not waiting for the girls to join me as I push my way back through the crowd. I don’t stop until I have reached the center of the dance floor, the effects of the shots starting to take hold as the music pounds through my ears. Within seconds, I feel two arms slide around me. Turning my face slightly, I’m met with a waft of cologne and the cocky smile of a good looking twenty-something. I have no idea who the guy is, but I don’t have it in me to protest when he tightens his grip on me and starts grinding against my backside. Normally I would be appalled by the action but tonight, tonight nothing is off limits. I’m sick of being Kimber Lynn James, the sweet, privileged girl from Wales, West Virginia. Tonight I’m just Kimber. Lifting my arms in the air, I let the thumping music take control, allowing my body to sway and move with the rhythm. I don’t care when the man’s hands travel across my abdomen. I don’t protest when I feel his hands thread through my hair as he pulls my head back. I barely register his lips on my neck when he leans forward and sucks on the sensitive flesh just below my ear. Hell, I don’t even open my eyes until I feel the loss of him completely. Jumping slightly, I turn just in time to catch sight of Decklan’s face before his hand closes around my forearm, and he forcefully pulls me from the dance floor. I try to object, ask him what the hell he’s doing, but my voice is lost to the noise around us. Leading me towards the bar, he doesn’t loosen his grip on me until he’s pushing me inside of the same door I just saw him exit a few moments earlier with the red head. I stumble slightly the moment we’re inside, looking around to find myself standing in a small stairwell. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Decklan’s voice is rough as he steps towards me, guiding me backward until my back becomes flush with the wall behind me. “Having a good time,” I answer sarcastically, not able to hide the hurt in my voice. “You sure? Because it looked to me like you were trying to send a message.” He presses his body into mine, pinning me between him and the wall. “Why would I do that?” I look up to find his face hovering just inches from mine. “You tell me.” “Is this where you bring all your girlfriends?” I break eye contact as I lift my hands to his chest and push, surprised when he takes a couple of steps backward. “I don’t have girlfriends.” He runs a hand through his messy hair. “Oh, I’m sorry. Is this where you bring all your sluts?” I regret it the moment I say it, but the liquor flowing through me makes it difficult to control my tongue. “Why don’t you just say what this is about?” he challenges, his nostrils flaring slightly. “You saw me coming out of here with another woman, and you immediately assumed the worst,” he states. “Do you blame me?” I question, gesturing to him. “No,” he states simply. “Had I wanted to fuck her, I would have.” “Had you wanted to?” I stumble out, finally meeting his gaze again. “I live here.” He points up the stairs. “I came up to grab a clean shirt after having a drink spilled on me. When I came down, she was waiting for me. I told her to go home.” “So you didn’t?” I break off, feeling all sorts of jealous girlfriend crazy right now and one hundred percent aware how desperate it makes me look. “No. I didn’t touch her.” He takes a step towards me, stopping when his body is once again directly in front of mine. “How could I when all I can think about is touching you?” His words are just above a whisper, but they sound so loudly through my ears they echo several times before the statement finally registers. “Then do it,” I challenge, struggling to keep my breathing even as I meet his deep gray gaze.

He hesitates for only a moment before his lips crash down onto mine, his tongue seeking entrance into my mouth within seconds. I grant it, moaning when his taste and scent invade all of my senses. My hands find the back of his neck as I pull him closer to me, my fingers digging lightly into his flesh as the want coursing through my body starts to take hold. I feel like I can’t get him close enough. I want to feel him everywhere. Everywhere. I barely register my feet leaving the floor until I feel Decklan’s body shift below mine as he begins climbing the stairs, his arms securing me tightly against his muscular frame as he continues upward. He pushes his way through another door, but at this point, I am far too preoccupied to look around. The only thing that matters is this: the way his body flexes as he lowers my feet to the floor, the way his hands skirt up my bare back as he pulls the fabric of my dress over my head leaving me in nothing but my white lace panties. My eyes adjust to the darkness enough that I can see his silhouette in the light from the street lamp that filters into the otherwise dark room. I can see the ripple of his muscles as he drops his shirt to the floor, hear the rapid intakes of breath he takes as he pushes me back onto the bed and slowly removes my last article of clothing. My entire body goes ridged as he spreads my legs open, allowing his eyes to trail across my now bare exterior. I fight to keep my hands at my sides, my instinct to cover myself becoming almost unbearable as I feel the heat of his gaze take me in. I hear the buckle of Decklan’s jeans and the rustle of fabric as they fall to the floor, the anticipation of what’s to come making every part of my body ache with the need for his touch. The rip of a condom wrapper comes next, Decklan settling between my legs just moments later. He pushes my hair from my face, his lips once again finding mine as he kisses me deeply. I jump slightly when I feel his hand slide between us and settle between my legs. When I feel his fingers push inside of me, all coherent thought seems to leave my body. I become greedy, lifting my hips to meet his hand as he pumps his fingers inside of me. I can feel the effect his touch has on me, the pleasure causing my body to pool around his hand. “Please,” I whimper when he abruptly pulls his hand away, leaving me unsatisfied and wanting so much more. “Please what?” His mouth settles over mine again as he gently pulls my bottom lip into his mouth. “Tell me what you want, Kimber,” he demands, grinding his rock hard erection between my legs. “You,” I whimper again. “I want you.” My words are pleading, begging even. I’ve never had a man’s touch control me the way his does. I can feel each flicker of movement across every surface of my body. Decklan has shown me more pleasure in the matter of a few short moments than Garrett did during the entire three-year span of our relationship. “Please,” I grind out again when he slides just the tip of his erection inside of me and stops there, his face hovering just inches above mine. “Is this what you want?” he asks, pushing forward another inch. “Yes,” I hiss, digging my nails into his shoulders, trying to move him deeper inside of me. “This?” He continues to tease me, moving so slowly I can’t control my mounting frustration. “Oh my God just fuck me already,” I practically growl, realizing instantly that this is exactly what he’d been waiting for. He immediately plunges inside of me, both of us crying out from the intensity of our bodies coming together. Pulling back, he slams into me again, pulling yet another scream of pleasure from my mouth. I try to hold it back, the moans and whimpers that seem to keep flowing from my mouth, but I can’t. He’s pulling everything from me, making me feel every ounce of pleasure as he thrusts harder and harder inside of me.

It takes minutes— or maybe it’s only seconds— before a warm incredible sensation starts to work its way through my lower belly. The feeling is so foreign and yet my body seems to recognize it just the same. Decklan senses my heightening desperation and pushes my legs further open, pounding into me so deeply I swear I feel him everywhere. “Decklan,” I cry, my body so overcome with pleasure I’m not sure how to control myself. I cling to him for dear life, his mouth finding mine as he swallows my cries of pleasure; the earth seeming to literally fall out from beneath me. My body explodes around him, and I swear I have never felt anything like it before in my life. It comes in waves, washing over me, warming every single inch of my body until I can feel the effects to the very tips of my fingers and toes. Decklan makes me feel every ounce of it as he continues to thrust inside of me, milking every bit of pleasure from me that he can before finally finding his own release. He lets out a deep groan, pumping inside of me several more times before finally slowly to a stop. Relaxing down on top of me, his lips find my cheek first, then my forehead, followed by the tip of my nose before he finally presses them gently against my own. I can feel myself pulse around him as he sweetly kisses my mouth, his tongue sliding against mine as his hand pushes the tangled mess of waves that have escaped my hair tie away from my face. “That was...” I start to say, not quite sure I have the words for it. “Unlike anything I’ve ever experienced,” I admit, struggling to catch my breath. “I’ve never...you know.” I break off, a bit embarrassed over my clear inexperience. “You’ve never what?” He pulls back slightly, his face hovering above mine. “I’ve never had a...” I break off again, covering my face with my hands. “You’ve never had an orgasm before?” He pushes my hands away and forces me to look at him. I shake my head, feeling the heat flood my face as he looks down at me. He studies me for a long moment, his face showing his clear confusion over my statement before it shifts more to a look of determination. He slowly pulls out, causing me to protest the loss of him almost immediately. Once again relaxing his body on top of mine, he lets out a light laugh and shakes his head. “Oh don’t worry. We’re just getting started.” He breathes against my lips, sucking the bottom one gently into his mouth. “I haven’t even begun to show you the things I can do to this sweet little body,” he whispers, sealing the promise with a deep kiss.

Chapter Eight Decklan I have never met such a perfect fucking contradiction. So sweet and innocent and yet Kimber has allowed me to see a side of herself I doubt anyone else has seen; a wild untamed side that I never expected. She’s not at all what I had her pegged as. Reaching out, I push a few stray strands of hair away from her face, unable to keep myself from smiling when she crinkles her nose and shifts slightly. I have no idea what time it is. All I know is that I can’t sleep. I can’t close my eyes long enough to even come close. I’m too busy watching Kimber. I can’t get past how beautiful she looks laying here in my bed, her hair sprawled out on the pillow behind her as she sleeps peacefully on her stomach, her face turned towards me. Just the sight of her stirs something deep inside of me, something I thought I would never experience. She makes me feel something other than the pain. For the longest time, I have wandered through life trying to numb it with alcohol and random women. I’m having a hard time processing that just watching her sleep brings me a peace that neither of those things has ever given me. It’s terrifying and yet so fucking liberating at the same time. It’s not lost on me that not only is she the first girl I have ever allowed to stay the night, but she’s also the only girl I have slept with more than once. Ever... I don’t know why. I don’t know what it is about her that makes me feel so different. The thought plagues me over and over again as I watch her back rise and fall with each breath she takes. I count them; each inhale, each exhale, until they all fucking blend together into nothingness. **** I wake abruptly, my eyes shooting open as I take in the drab ceiling above me. No nightmares... I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night without having at least one. Turning my face to the side, the sight of Kimber lying next to me is enough to send a galloping panic through my chest. I’ve never woken up next a woman before, and to say the experience is unsettling is a bit of an understatement. Remembering that I abandoned Val and Gavin last night, I decide I should probably run downstairs and make sure the place is still in one piece. I know this is my excuse for escaping my current situation, and I’m okay with that. I just need a minute to sort through this. Pushing back the covers, I roll out of bed, careful not to wake Kimber who is still in the same position on her stomach as she was when I finally dozed off last night. She shifts when the bed creaks, rolling to her back but remains asleep. I can tell by how peaceful she looks: her expression soft, like an angel.

An angel who just crawled into bed with the fucking devil. Quietly crossing the room, I retrieve my pants and shirt from last night off of the floor, sliding them on before slipping on my shoes and heading out the door, downstairs to the bar. Pushing my way inside, I jump slightly when I see a bright eyed Gavin sitting at the bar drinking a cup of coffee from the bakery across the street. I can tell where it’s from by the flowering fucking design that swirls across the lavender to-go cup. Looking around, I notice immediately that the bar has already been cleaned; the bar stools turned upside down on the tables to allow the freshly mopped floor to dry. Shay must have been in and out early this morning. “Mornin.” Gavin offers me a knowing smile and nods. “What the hell are you doing here this early?” I ask, crossing behind the bar to retrieve the cash from last night, something I do every morning. “Well, it’s not really all that early.” He laughs, prompting me to glance at the clock to see that it’s already afternoon. Holy shit. I can’t remember the last time I slept this late. Sleep is usually not a friend of mine. Then again, that’s certainly not the only thing that is different this morning. “And I’ve already dropped the deposit.” He adds when I open the cash register to find the money already gone. “What the hell has gotten into you?” I turn curious eyes on him, knowing how out of character this type of behavior is for Gavin. “Just felt like helping out a friend.” He takes a large drink of his coffee, avoiding my gaze. “Fuck that. You forget I fucking know you, dude. What the hell is up?” I pin curious eyes on him. “Nothing.” He shakes his head. “I just wanted you to be able to take it easy this morning. You know, considering that you bounced out on me and Val two hours early, and you were still going at it well after the bar closed last night. You really should get a new place, or at least learn to keep your girls quiet.” He smiles mischievously and lifts the coffee cup back to his mouth. “How was she?” He tacks on after taking a long drink. “I’m not doing this with you.” I cross my arms in front of my chest and lean against the back counter behind the bar. “Since when?” He seems a bit surprised. “We always share war stories. You can’t hold out on me now. Unless...” His smile spreads. “She’s still here isn’t she?” “What if she is?” I try to keep my tone casual. The last thing I want to do is have Gavin make this a big deal when it’s not. “Shut the fuck up.” He slaps the bar in surprise. “Dude.” I point at the ceiling, gesturing to upstairs. “Can you keep it the fuck down?” “My bad.” He laughs. “So you’re really not gonna tell me anything?” He pushes again. “Nope.” I shake my head slowly. “That good huh?” His smile is so big at this point I swear his face is going to split apart. “Better.” I drop my head back on a laugh when he jumps up from his stool. “I knew it. I fucking knew that hot little piece would be stellar in bed. Fuck. I should have made my move first.” His words cause anger to boil slightly in my chest. I don’t know why. It’s not like we haven’t had similar conversations. But this is different. I don’t want anyone talking about Kimber like she’s just another piece of ass. Then again, do I really expect her to be anything but exactly that? “Well too bad for you, you didn’t.” I shrug, trying to swallow down my statement as the reality of my situation starts to really take hold.

So what if I let her stay the night? I’ve been craving her for so long I needed a few times to really get her out of my system. That doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean that I am somehow changed and that everything will be different. I’m still me and if there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that even if I wanted to give Kimber more I couldn’t. I’m not capable of being the type of man she needs; the type of man she deserves. Gavin opens his mouth like he is about to say more but then snaps it shut when the door leading from my apartment opens and Kimber emerges, her hair now pulled back into a loose knot and her face free of makeup. She looks absolutely breathtaking. “Well, good morning,” Gavin speaks, pulling her attention towards him as he slides back down onto his bar stool. Her cheeks immediately go pink, and she stutters for a moment before finally managing to get her words out. “Good morning.” She looks towards me, her blush deepening as she nods in my direction and steps up to the side of the bar. “I’m Gavin, but you can just call me Gavin.” He leans forward, close enough that he is able to extend a hand to her. She reaches out and shakes it gently, clearly not sure what she’s gotten herself into by coming down here. “Kimber,” she replies sweetly, pulling her hand away after a brief moment. “Did you happen to see my purse by any chance?” She looks at me, unable to hide how uncomfortable she feels in this situation. I have to remind myself it’s a situation she has never found herself in before. I still can’t believe she’s only been with one man, now two, and that the other man was someone she dated for three years. Three years and she had never had even one orgasm with him. Fuck, I’m tempted to look the fucker up and give him some fucking pointers. “It’s by the register.” Gavin points behind me, cutting into my thoughts. “I found it on the stairs this morning.” He shrugs, not the least bit apologetic that he clearly was snooping. Something tells me he knew Kimber was here the whole time but was simply waiting to see if I would admit that I let her sleep over, considering it’s not something I have ever done before. I turn, retrieving the small black bag before crossing towards her, laying it on the bar the moment I reach her. She looks up, meets my eyes for only a fraction of a second before turning her attention to the bag. “Thank you,” she responds, digging inside before pulling out her phone. “Shoot.” She looks flustered and slightly panicked. “What is it?” I ask, pulling her gaze back towards me. “I was hoping Harlee would have text me. I completely bailed on them last night.” Her voice is riddled with guilt. “I have no idea how or if they got home.” “Taxi took them both home just after one thirty,” Gavin speaks up, relief instantly flooding Kimber’s face. “I put them inside of it myself.” “Thank you.” Kimber meets his gaze. “It’s what we do.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal, but I can tell there’s more to it. Deciding not to push the topic in front of Kimber, I keep my thoughts to myself but make a mental note to ask him about it later. Gavin doesn’t personally take care of anyone. The fact that he called a cab and even walked the girls out tells me he was trying to score brownie points. I’m just not sure with whom yet. “I can’t believe they just left me like that.” She shakes her head, her cheeks heating crimson when she realizes she made the statement aloud.

“Don’t worry. I let them know you were preoccupied. I think they were more than happy to leave you behind.” He raises his eyebrows playfully at her which seems to only deepen her embarrassment. “Well, I should probably get going.” Kimber’s hesitant gaze comes back to mine. “I’ll take you home,” I say, ignoring Gavin’s surprised expression. What does he expect me to do, have her pay a cab for over an hour trip when I can just as easily give her a lift? Then again, I guess even something that considerate is a bit out of character for me. “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” She slides her phone back into her purse before pulling out a set of keys. “Angel’s car is out back. I’m sure she expects me to bring it home.” “Okay.” I nod, unable to ignore the disappointment that seems to settle over me. Fuck. Get your shit together, Deck. “Well, at least let me walk you out,” I say as I step out from behind the bar. “Okay,” she gets out weakly, turning towards Gavin. “It was nice to officially meet you.” She gives him a small wave before allowing me to lead her out of the back door and into the nearly vacant parking lot. I squint into the bright sun, locating what I can only assume is Angel’s car, a small red Prius, sitting at the back of the lot all by itself. I follow Kimber towards the vehicle, not really sure what the fuck to say. Since when do I have trouble figuring out what to say to a woman? I stop directly next to Kimber once we reach the car. She turns inward to face me, clearly not sure what she should say either. “Have you ever been to a Ducks game?” she finally blurts after several long moments of tense silence. “As in the college football team?” she tacks on. “I know who the Ducks are,” I remind her, having grown up just minutes from the University of Oregon. “Right.” She shakes her head. “Well, they are playing a big game against some rival school next Saturday. I don’t know much about football,” she explains. “But Harlee said it’s a lot of fun. We’re meeting some people early in the day to tailgate, and then we’re gonna catch the game. We have a couple extra tickets if you’d like come with us.” She scrunches her forehead in the cutest fucking way. “I mean, you don’t have to of course.” She rambles. “But I’ve never tailgated before, and I think it could be fun. But you’re probably busy. You know what, forget I asked.” She turns, ripping open the car door. “Do you always do that?” I laugh, pulling her attention back towards me. “Do what?” she questions. “Invite someone and then un-invite them.” I can’t fight my amused smile. “No, of course, you can come if you want,” she stumbles out. “I’m just giving you a hard time.” I reach out, unable to resist the urge to trail my fingers along her jawline. The contact causes her to take a shaky inhale making it nearly impossible for me to rip my gaze away from her eyes which seem to flood with desire. “But I appreciate the invite,” I tack on, fighting the urge to lean in and kiss her. “Of course.” The blush of her cheeks only deepens. “Maybe we can do something else sometime?” “Maybe.” I try to shake off the fog that seems to have settled over me, finally letting my hand drop away. “Okay.” She nods, wearing the disappointment on her face plain as day. “Bye, Decklan,” she gets out weakly, sliding into the driver’s seat. Something about hearing her say goodbye causes dread to fill the pit of my stomach. How can I be so sure and yet so unsure about something at the same time? A part of me wants to grab her, carry her ass

back upstairs and never let her leave again. The other part of me, the rational part, knows I’m doing the right thing by letting her leave. She immediately closes the door of the car and fires the engine to life. Throwing me a weak smile and a small wave, she quickly pulls out of the parking lot, forcing me to stand here and watch her drive away knowing full well it will likely be the last time I ever see her. A girl like Kimber doesn’t belong in my world. She’s too sweet, too innocent. I would ruin her. She’s too fucking special to be ruined by the likes of me. I have proven time and time again that I am incapable of not hurting the ones who get close to me. I can’t hurt her like that. I’d never forgive myself, and I already carry around too much fucking guilt as it is.

Chapter Nine Kimber Stepping inside my dorm room, my stomach flutters knowing I’m about to face my two friends after what happened last night. I let out a slow exhale when the dimness of the room settles over me, the curtains drawn, and a light snore filling the air. I quietly close the door and slip off my shoes, thankful that I have a little more time to process last night’s events. Or at least, that’s my initial thought until I hear a throat clear lightly, and I spin to see Harlee sitting on top of her bed, her hair tied into a knot on top of her head, legs crossed in front of her, her trusty Kindle resting in her lap. Looking back towards my bed, only now do I see the black hair sprawled across my pillow, realizing that it’s Angel sleeping and not Harlee. “Good morning.” Harlee flips her Kindle over on the bed and pins her gaze on me. “Morning,” I whisper, crossing the room towards her, flopping down on the edge of her mattress the moment I reach it. Lying back across the foot of the bed I let out a deep sigh, not sure if I want to laugh, cry, or apologize profusely for the choices I made last night. “So...how was it?” Harlee keeps her attention focused on me. Turning my head towards her, I can’t help the splitting grin that takes over my face the moment my eyes meet hers. “Words can’t even begin to describe it,” I answer truthfully, surprised by how good it feels to just say this fact out loud. “I’m sorry I disappeared on you.” “Are you kidding?” She swipes her hand through the air. “I would have done the same thing to you.” Her smile widens. “What’s that say about us as friends?” I laugh, dropping my arm over my forehead. “It says we’re damn good ones because we want each other to have fun.” She nudges me with her foot as she straightens out her legs on the bed. “Besides, I wouldn’t have left if I didn’t feel comfortable leaving you where you were.” I don’t know that I would have left her regardless, considering you never really know people these days, but I don’t push the issue. I have to remind myself that in Harlee’s world something like this is completely acceptable. “Don’t let her lie to you, she would have left you either way.” Angel’s voice causes me to jump slightly. Pushing up on my elbows, there’s enough light filtering into the room that I can see her sitting up in my bed, her dark hair seeming to stick up in every direction. “Screw you, whore.” Harlee laughs, throwing a pillow in Angel’s direction. It falls short and lands on the floor a good foot from the bed. “You better have brought Sally back in one piece.” She hits me with stern eyes as she refers to her car. “Not a scratch on her.” I sit up, tossing the keys still clutched in my hand at her. She snags them out of the air, laughing when they nearly connect with her forehead.

“Now—” Angel pins her eyes directly on me, “—tell us everything. I want every last detail. And don’t you dare think about leaving anything out.” **** “So are you a big football fan?” Travis, one of Angel’s friends asks, sliding down next to me on the tailgate of the pickup truck I’m sitting on, turning a sweet smile in my direction. “Not really,” I admit, forcing down another drink of the beer in my hand. It’s not the first time I’ve had beer, but I swear it’s worse than the last time I tried it. Even still, I continue to drink it, determined to make myself like it even if it tastes like animal pee. “No?” he questions, pointing to the Ducks hat and hooded sweatshirt I am currently wearing. “Harlee—” I explain, “—She wanted me to fit in.” I straighten the bill of the hat before adjusting my ponytail through the back. “Well, you wear it well.” His smile deepens, his blue eyes fixed on mine. He’s a good looking guy, one that I have met one time before today. If I remember correctly, he used to date Angel which you would never guess by watching them together. They seem more like brother and sister than people who would date each other. Even still, it’s not hard to see what Angel saw in him. He’s at least six-two, broad shoulders, very athletic looking, but it’s his smile that’s the real kicker. It’s one of those brilliant dimpled smiles that make even the most uninterested girls do a double take. “Thank you.” I finally acknowledge his statement, turning my head to look out over the twenty or so people that have gathered in our area to tailgate before the big game. It’s only four in the afternoon but most of our group is already drunk, having started drinking before noon. And while I have nursed a couple of beers as to not be the odd woman out, I have taken them down slowly enough that I feel completely sober. “So you’re from the east coast right?” Travis pulls my attention back to him, sliding off his hat as he scratches his forehead. “West Virginia.” I nod. “I’ve never been out that way. Is it much different?” he asks, clearly just trying to find a reason to talk to me. Normally I’d be flattered, maybe even interested, but unfortunately given the events of this week, his feeble attempt to connect with me annoys me more than anything. “Completely.” I give him a short answer before throwing a small wave at Angel who is leaning into the side of the truck next to us watching me intently. She raises her eyebrows up and down and throws me a wicked smile before turning and crossing the space to where a large group of people are playing a game of corn hole. I can’t help but roll my eyes. I know what she’s up to and it’s not gonna work. I’m not like her, I can’t just sleep with someone and then turn around and forget all about them. I’m not programmed that way. I wish I could say the same for Decklan who clearly is programmed that way. I also wish I could say that I saw this coming; the blow off that follows a one-night stand, but I wasn’t even a little prepared. I think that’s the worst part; thinking that there’s more to it than just sex only to find out there’s not. “Did you hear me?” I jump slightly, realizing Travis is once again talking. “Sorry. What?” I shake off the fog surrounding me and turn to find him studying me curiously. “I asked if you were hungry.” He smiles. “They have some amazing hamburgers over there.” He points to a food tent set up just a few yards from us. “No, I’m good, thanks.” I take another long drink of my beer that despite the cool temperatures have gotten warm over the last hour that I’ve been drinking it.

“You sure you don’t want to walk over with me; might warm you up to move a little.” He adds when a small shiver runs through me. “I’ll be fine.” I force a smile, not missing the irritation that briefly crosses his handsome face as he stands and pushes away from the truck. **** I want to enjoy myself, I really do. I want to feel the excitement that swarms over the crowd as the Ducks continue to dominate their opponent, but I just can’t get into it. I thought getting out would help get my mind off Decklan, but it’s actually only made it worse. Of course, it doesn’t help that Travis made a point to sit in the seat directly next to me or that he’s spent the first half of the game hitting on me; the amount of alcohol in his system clearly giving him a false confidence on his chances of landing me. It makes me angry that I can’t enjoy the attention he’s giving me and even angrier that all I can do is compare him more and more to Decklan with every moment that passes. To say he doesn’t stack up is the understatement of the year. Truth is, he doesn’t even come close which in turn only causes my frustration to mount. Is this what I signed up for? To be used and in turn ruined for any future man that may come into my life? I just don’t get it. I don’t get how he can just disappear after the night we spent together. I tried calling the bar once, having never gotten his phone number, but I was given the run around by the female who answered and decided not to call again. It’s bad enough that I can’t stop thinking about him; I don’t need the rest of the world to see how pathetic I am, too. Lifting the beer bottle to my lips, I drain the remaining contents as the crowd around me once again erupts in triumph. I have no idea what’s happened nor do I care. As desperate as I am to get the full college experience and really put myself out there, I am more desperate to see Decklan. I don’t know what I expected from him. I guess that just goes to show that no matter the connection you feel to a person, it doesn’t change who they are at their core. Even still, I can’t let it lie. I can’t just walk away without knowing if it was something I did. I have to see him. I won’t be able to think straight until I do. Maybe it’s the beer, or maybe I am just sick of sitting back and letting life pass me by. But right now there is only one place I want to be, and it’s not here. Pushing out of my seat, I hear Travis say something as I turn, but I ignore him. I slide through the row of seats until I reach the edge where Harlee is sitting, squeezed between two frat guys, looking like she is on cloud nine. “I’m gonna head out,” I yell over the roar of the crowd. “What? Why?” She hits me with a confused expression. “You stay,” I say when she attempts to stand. “I have a something I need to take care of. I’ll see you back at the dorm later.” I lean in and give her a brief hug and a reassuring smile before sliding past her into the aisle. Taking the stairs two at a time, by the time I reach the floor level platform I am gasping for air. The drop in temperature over the course of the evening makes it difficult to get a good deep breath, the cold stinging my tired lungs. Reaching the parking lot within a few minutes, the cab I called is already waiting for me by the time I reach the street. Sliding into the back seat, I ramble off my destination and settle in, knowing it’s going to be a long ride to Portland. ****

The cab finally slows to a stop outside of Deviants just after ten-thirty. It’s clear to see from the crowd of people standing outside smoking that the place is hopping though I would expect nothing less on a Saturday night. Handing the driver some cash, I quickly exit the cab, forgetting completely about my attire until a drunken girl leaning against the building makes a comment under her breath loud enough that I can hear it. For a moment, I have the urge to turn around and punch her right in the face, but I shake the anger away, not really sure where it’s stemming from. After showing my identification to the man at the door, I finally push my way inside, my ears immediately assaulted by the pounding noise of the live band playing on stage. I didn’t even know they had bands play here though I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise. Fighting my way through the thick crowd, I stop at the edge of the bar. I don’t recognize either of the bartenders working, and I can’t seem to locate Decklan anywhere. Momentarily turning my attention to the stage, I watch as the singer jumps around like a lunatic as he sings some rock/pop hit that I recognize but can’t pinpoint. Turning my attention back to the crowd, I let out a relieved sigh when I spot Gavin lounging on a barstool smack dab in the center of a group of girls. Shaking my head, I quickly make my way towards him, having to literally push two girls out of my way in order to reach him. His face tightens the moment he recognizes who I am but it’s brief and quickly replaced by a drunken smile. “Kimber,” he hollers over the noise. “Where is he?” I don’t waste my time with pleasantries. “Who?” He plays stupid but gives me a knowing smile. “You know who.” I don’t indulge his playfulness, the hour and a half car ride making me more than a little irritable and my nervousness over being here shutting out my ability to care if I seem rude. “He’s in the gym.” His tone drops. “Backdoor, across the parking lot.” He gestures towards the back of the room. Nodding, I immediately head in that direction, pushing my way outside and crossing the crowded parking lot before I even once even consider my actions. I’m too blinded by my determination to really see things clearly though I more than recognize how out of character this is for me. Grabbing the handle I can only assume leads into the gym, I pull open the heavy steel door and step inside, immediately knocked back by the volume of the rock music pounding from a surround sound system. The hallway I am standing in seems to act as a tunnel, only magnifying the sound. Taking a deep breath, I force my feet to move, my eyes scanning a large room the moment I enter it. This place reminds me of an old boxing gym from the Rocky movies, more of a warehouse than a stereotypical gym. Various equipment runs along the far right wall, a boxing ring directly in the center, with punching bags to my left. My stomach twists when my eyes finally find him... Decklan. He’s in the far corner of the room laying waste to the punching bag in front of him. His back is turned towards me so he doesn’t see me as I take hesitant steps in his direction. I don’t stop until I am just a few feet from him. I’m far enough that he doesn’t sense my presence but close enough that I can see the tiny droplets of sweat that trickle down his bare back as he lands punch after punch to the bag in front of him. I’m mesmerized by the way his back muscles flex and move with each jab he takes. It’s quite possibly the sexiest thing I have ever seen, and I have to force myself to hold my composure and not melt right here on the spot. I watch him for several long moments, wondering what he’s thinking, wishing I could run my hand along the dampness of his back and feel the heat of his flesh beneath my palm. The thought leaves me

biting down on my lower lip just to control the urge. Gently clearing my throat, the moment the noise registers around him, he freezes, his hand still in the air mid-swing. Turning slightly, the moment his eyes catch mine my stomach bottoms out. He looks so incredible it takes everything I have not to physically tremble at the sight of him. His chest and ab muscles are glistening, the light hitting the beads of sweat in a way that gives his skin an almost glowing effect. His hair is damp and disheveled, hanging haphazardly in front of his eyes. And while all of this is enough to bring me to my knees, nothing could have prepared me for the look on his face when my eyes finally find his; so full of anger, but more so full of pain. Regret floods through me at the sight. I open my mouth to speak but immediately close it again. I should never have come here. I don’t know how I let myself make such a rash decision. I’m a stupid, stupid girl. The long moment of silence seems to stretch endlessly between us. Decklan’s eyes not once leaving mine as he holds my gaze, his pained stare clearly conflicted.

Chapter Ten Decklan I told myself I wouldn’t do this. I promised myself. But looking at her standing there, so completely fucking adorable in her oversized sweatshirt and hat, I can’t stop myself. I have to have her. Without a word I close in, pushing her roughly into the wall behind her before tilting her face up towards mine. Tossing her hat to the side, her hair pools around her shoulders as I close my mouth down on hers. She gasps at the contact but quickly responds, her body seeming to come alive under my touch. It’s been the longest fucking week and even the most attractive of women haven’t been able to keep my interest enough for me to find any sort of release from the frustration and pain that seems to play on constant repeat. But it only takes one touch with Kimber, one tremble of her bottom lip as I suck it into my mouth, one soft moan as I grind myself against her, and everything seems to disappear. I lose myself in her touch, in the way her body seems to take me to another place entirely. Lifting her up without breaking away from her lips, I carry her into the locker room, not stopping until I reach my bag sitting on the edge of the bench that lines the center of the room. Setting her to her feet, I drop my face into her hair and inhale her sweet scent, a low growl escaping my throat as my need becomes animalistic and almost too much to bear. Fumbling in the side pocket of my bag, I finally locate a condom. The moment I have it in my hand I spin, pinning her against the steel row of lockers, smiling when she gasps as the cold metal brushes against the small of her back where her sweatshirt has ridden up. I rip open her jeans, shoving them roughly down, so desperate to feel myself inside of her that not for one second do I give a fuck about anything but just that. She stumbles slightly, getting off one shoe and then the other before kicking her pants to the side, her hands finding my bare sweat-riddled chest. She trails her hand down my abdomen, her heated eyes holding my gaze as her fingers dip lower. I let her reach just centimeters from where my erection is at the ready, but I don’t let her touch me. Grabbing both of her hands, I pin her arms above her head with one hand while I push my gym shorts down my hips and slide the condom on with the other. I just need to feel her. It’s the only thought I have. I need her. Dropping my mouth back to hers, I lift her from the ground, rocking back to secure her legs around my hips before thrusting inside of her so violently a small cry of surprise floods from her lips. Pinning her roughly against the locker once more, I drop my face into the crook of her neck as I begin pounding inside of her. I know I’m being rough, probably too rough really, but she only spurs me on further, urging me to go deeper, fuck her harder. It sends me spiraling out of control. It’s been too long, and I find my release sneaking in within a few short moments. I don’t want it to be over. I want to bury myself as deeply as I can inside of her and never come out, but I can’t stop my need for release from taking me under. It builds so deeply inside of me that when I feel

her clench tightly around me, I explode, not able to hold it in any longer. I continue to move, the feeling of her quaking around my hard cock so incredible I think I could almost go again right here on the spot. Slowing my thrusts, I make sure I have drained every bit of her orgasm from her before finally sliding out and gently lowering her to her feet. Having trouble catching my breath, I drop my forehead against hers; regret immediately starting to creep its way in. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “Don’t be.” She pulls back slightly and hits me with gentle eyes. “What are you doing here?” I fumble out, my mind still not fully processing that she’s really here. How is it that just when I feel myself reaching that breaking point, the one I have teetered on for years, she shows up, allowing me to find solace in her body. “I needed to see you.” Her soft voice is enough to gut me with guilt. “You shouldn’t have come,” I say, stepping back as I adjust my gym shorts. “Why?” She seems hurt by the statement, reaching down to retrieve her jeans from the floor before sliding them on. “I can’t give you what you want, Kimber,” I say, stepping back to let her pass me. She sinks down onto the bench and looks up to meet my stare, her crisp blue eyes burning into mine. Those damn blue eyes that seem to see through me so clearly. “How could you possibly know what I want?” She cocks her head to the side. “I guess I don’t,” I admit, not sure how else to respond. “Then don’t assume. I barely know you. It’s not like I’m going to turn around and start picking out my wedding dress.” Her tone is even and free of emotion. “Fair enough.” I can’t fight the smile pulling at the corners of my mouth. This girl is a fucking enigma. I just can’t quite seem to figure her out. At first, she seems quiet and timid like she’s afraid to let herself be seen. But the more time I spend with her, the more I’m realizing that there is so much more to her than that. Little by little I see the real Kimber, the tough untamed girl she keeps tucked away, shining through. “Then I’ll ask, what is it that you want?” My smile only widens when she crunches her forehead like she’s really thinking about it. “Well for starters, what does a girl have to do to get some food around here?” She hits me with a playful smile, completely eliminating the mounting tension with one statement. I can’t control the laugh that escapes my lips at her comment. One minute I think I know exactly where this is going, the next she throws me for a complete loop. It’s refreshing to not know what to expect. “I might know a place or two.” I grab my bag from the bench, throwing it over my shoulder. “But first, I need a shower.” I extend my hand to her which she willingly takes, allowing me to pull her to her feet. **** “Good?” I laugh, watching Kimber eat the pancakes in front of her like she can’t seem to get them into her stomach fast enough. I guess she worked up quite an appetite after our shower, her still damp hair evidence of how she let me take her against the tiled walls. Just the thought of her cries of pleasure and the sound of water and skin hitting skin makes my groin tighten. “Oh my God, so good.” She laughs after swallowing down a large bite. “I feel like I haven’t eaten in days.”

“I told you this place has the best pancakes.” I relax back into the booth seat as I take a long drink of my water, trying to redirect my line of thought. “You weren’t kidding.” She lets out a deep exhale and pushes her plate away. “But I can’t possibly eat another bite.” She drops her napkin to the side after wiping it gently across her mouth, the action making me want to lean forward and taste the sweet reminisce of syrup left behind on her lips. Tearing my eyes away from her mouth, I look up just in time to see the waitress returning with our check. Without even giving her the opportunity to set it into the table, I hand her a couple twenties and advise her to keep the change. The middle-aged brunette gives me a warm smile and then backs away with a nod, allowing me to turn my attention back to Kimber. “You didn’t need to pay for me,” she interjects, her eyes darting towards the waitress who is already several feet away before turning back to face me. “Isn’t that what a gentleman does?” I smirk when she narrows her eyes on me. “There are a lot of words I could use to describe you, Decklan, but gentleman isn’t one of them.” She laughs when I fake offense. “Ouch.” I hold my hand to my chest, just over my heart. “Shut up.” She shakes her head, the cutest fucking giggle making its way out of her throat as she pulls her phone from her pocket and checks the time. “I probably should be getting back. Harlee is probably wondering where I am.” She slides from the booth, waiting for me to follow her action before pushing to her feet. “I’ll drive you home,” I offer, the thought of her having to take a cab this late at night all the way home not something that sits well with me. “And freeze to death on the back of your motorcycle? No, thank you.” She shakes her head as she pushes her way outside, snuggling deeper into her sweatshirt the moment the cool night air settles down over us. “Then stay with me.” The request leaves my lips before I can stop it and catches us both off guard. Even though I desperately want to take back the invitation, I also can’t deny how the thought of her bare again, withering in pleasure beneath me, sounds too fucking good to pass up; even if it is completely against my better judgment. “It’s really not necessary. I don’t mind taking a cab.” She gives me a sweet smile. I want to insist, force her to come back with me, but even I know having her stay the night is probably the last thing I should do. I already fear my actions are sending the wrong message but fuck me, I just can’t help myself. This girl fucks with my head. “Not gonna happen.” I shake my head. “Come on, I can use Gavin’s truck to take you home.” “Are you sure, Decklan? You really don’t have to.” She hesitates, clearly fearful that she’s putting me out. Truth be told, I’m just not ready to let go of her yet. “I know. I want to.” I hold my hand out to her, tangling my fingers around her small palm as I lead her the two blocks back towards the bar. “Can I ask you a question?” I can feel her eyes on the side of my face as we stop just shy of the front entrance of Deviants. “Depends on the question.” I spin to face her. “Why didn’t you try to get in contact with me after last weekend?” She has trouble meeting my gaze as she mutters the question. “I mean, did I do something?” Her eyes finally find mine. “It has nothing to do with you.” I can’t resist the urge to reach out and brush a strand of hair away from her face. “I guess I can’t really give you an explanation.” I shrug, not really sure what to say to her. “Other than I’m an asshole.”

“I don’t buy that.” She holds my gaze, her expression challenging. “I think there’s a lot more to you than you let people see.” She turns, pulling open the front door of the bar and stepping inside before I have time to even process her statement, let alone respond. I follow Kimber as she weaves through the crowd of people towards the bar, spotting Gavin lounging on a stool with a few other people just moments before Kimber stops in front of him. “Guess you found him.” Gavin gives Kimber a wide smile before turning hesitant eyes in my direction. I give him a tight nod, not sure if I want to thank him or punch him for telling Kimber where she could find me. On one hand, tonight has been exactly what I needed. On the other, I fear that it has only made this situation more complicated, and I don’t do complicated. “Give me your keys.” I hold out my hand, not bothering to actually ask. “What the fuck for?” he slurs, clearly having spent a good portion of his night on the receiving end of the bar. “I’m gonna drive Kimber home.” I keep my hand extended. I make no attempt to move until he finally rolls his eyes, reaches into his pocket, and drops the keys into my palm. “Crash upstairs tonight. I don’t want your ass sleeping on the floor again.” I give him a stern look before turning back to Kimber who seems to be watching our interaction curiously. “Come on.” I grab her hand, immediately leading her through the bar and out of the back exit. The moment we step outside I pull a cigarette out of my jacket and press it between my lips. I catch Kimber’s gaze just as I light it, turning my face towards her as I take a deep drag. I half expect her expression to be one of judgment but am surprised to see it’s more so a look of curiosity. “What?” I ask, turning my face to let the smoke billow from my lungs. “Nothing.” She shakes her head, dropping my hand when I stop directly next to Gavin’s black pickup truck. “Just trying to figure something out.” “What’s that?” I ask, taking another deep inhale. “You,” she answers simply. “Well, good luck with that.” I let out a gruff laugh as I blow upwards, trying not to get smoke in her face. I may be an asshole, but I’m not that inconsiderate. “Come on.” I peel open the driver’s side door and gesture for her to climb across. I take two more deep drags off my cigarette before stomping it out with the heel of my boot. Climbing into the cab of the truck, I turn my face towards Kimber whose eyes are still firmly focused on me. “Keep looking at me like that and we won’t make it out of this parking lot,” I warn, her mouth dropping open slightly at my statement as she takes a sharp inhale. “Maybe that’s the point.” She teases, snapping her seatbelt, her gaze remaining focused directly on me.

Chapter Eleven Kimber The ride back to campus is a silent one. There is this mounting need to say something, yet neither of us seems to be in any rush to break the silence or say what needs to be said. The further we drive, the more I feel Decklan withdraw. It’s clear he has walls put up. He’s so hesitant to just be, which tells me he’s not used to giving up any amount of the control or restraints he places on himself. I wish I could figure it out but he’s extremely hard to read. I can’t help the disappointment that settles over me when he finally pulls into a spot outside of my dorm building, throwing the truck into park. “Thank you for the ride.” I unsnap my seatbelt before turning my gaze on Decklan. He’s gripping the steering wheel tightly, his eyes focused directly in front of him. Not really sure what to do, I sit for several long seconds before finally deciding I should just go. Reaching for the door handle I push it open, the cool night air flooding into the cab of the truck as I slide out. “Night, Decklan,” I say as casually as possible, giving him a small smile when he finally turns his dark eyes in my direction. “Goodnight, Kimber.” He gives me a stiff nod before turning his attention forward again. Frustrated by how quickly things seem to shift between us, I slam the door the shut with a little more force than I intend before setting off in the direction of my building. I can feel the tears welling behind my eyes before I even reach the sidewalk just a few short feet away. I know it’s foolish. I know crying over a man like Decklan is useless and will get me nowhere, but I can’t lose the disappointment I feel. Shaking my head, I manage to push the tears away before a single one has the chance to fall. If there’s one thing I have mastered, it’s keeping my real feelings hidden. Taking a deep inhale, I climb the small stone stairwell that leads to the front door of my dorm building. Pulling my key from my pocket, I no more than slide it into the lock when Decklan’s voice washes over me from behind, halting my movements. “Kimber, wait.” Pulling the key back, I turn to see him jogging towards me, stopping just feet from the bottom step. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to do this.” His words come out labored through his rapid breathing. “You don’t have to do anything, Decklan. I get it,” I say, shrugging. “I know what this is.” “But you don’t. You don’t at all,” he says, taking the stairs two at a time before coming to stand directly in front of me. His hands close around my cheeks as he forces my face upwards. “I’m not good for you, Kimber. You should turn around and walk away from me right now.” He sighs. “But for the fucking life of me, I can’t let you do it.” “Then I won’t.” I don’t need to consider my response. I know what I want. I want him...

“There’s no future with me.” His words carry a heavy punch yet somehow don’t seem to deter me in the least. “Then I’ll take the present.” I hold his gaze, the deep gray ocean of his eyes drawing me into their depths until I feel like I can’t breathe. He hits me with an almost pained expression before his mouth closes down on mine, his kiss drowning out everything into the background. It’s terrifying how much I want this man. Terrifying, yet something I know I could never fight against. He may not be able to promise me anything but one fact remains true... This man will change my life. This man is already changing my life. **** “Do you need anything before I head out, Jane?” I walk behind the bar, sliding my credit cards receipt into my daily folder for management. “No hon, I think we’re good. Has Donna got her station covered?” she asks, sliding a drink across the bar to one of the customers before turning back to me, tucking her highlighted brown bob behind her ears. “She does,” I confirm, grabbing my jacket and bag from under the bar before sliding them on. “Then I’ll see you Thursday.” She nods, giving me a small wave as I step out from behind the bar. I no more than step outside before my cell phone buzzes to life in my hand, Garrett’s name flashing across the screen for the third time today. Letting out a deep exhale, I know I’m going to have to answer it or he will just keep calling. “What, Garrett?” I snap the moment I press the phone to my ear. “Everything okay?” His voice bleeds with kindness which is so clearly forced. “Everything is fine. What do you need?” I sigh, doing very little in the way of hiding my annoyance. “I miss you. I just wanted to hear your voice.” “Garrett, we’ve already talked about this. You can’t keep calling me. We aren’t together anymore.” “That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you,” he interjects. “No, but it does mean that you don’t have any right to continue to harass me.” I stop next to a grassy area just a few yards from the restaurant, dropping my book bag onto the ground next to me. “Is that how you see it?” His tone turns clipped. “How do you see it? You call me constantly, text me at least once a day, usually multiple times, and for God’s sake, Garrett, you flew across the country to see me without so much as a phone call to let me know beforehand.” “We’re worried about you.” He seethes, his voice going up at least three notches. “We?” I spit, my frustration mounting. “As in myself, Dan, and Pat.” “I should have known. Of course, this has to involve my parents’.” “What’s that supposed to mean? We all care about you, Kimber.” “Yeah, I can tell. You care about me so much that not one of you can support the decisions I’ve made or respect what I ask of you. Sounds to me like you care about the fact that I am no longer able to be controlled.” “No one is trying to control you, Kim.” “It’s Kimber,” I yell, jumping in surprise when I feel the phone pulled out of my hand, turning just in time to see Decklan press it to his ear. “Stop calling her, asshole, or you’re gonna have me to fucking deal with,” he threatens, immediately hitting the end button before extending the phone back towards me.

“There. That should get him off your back for a while.” He smiles. “What...what are you doing here?” I gape at him, completely caught off guard by not only his appearance but also by what he just did. “I was in the area. Thought I’d say hi.” He snakes his arm around my waist and pulls me into him, dropping a kiss on my lips before pulling back. “Let me guess, the ex who has no idea how to pleasure a woman.” He hovers just inches from my face, a slow smirk pulling up the corner of his mouth. “Garrett, yes.” I sigh, sliding my phone into the back pocket of my jeans before raising my hands to rest on his chest. “My parents’ put him up to it, no doubt. They can’t stand the fact that for once in my life I am doing what I want and not what they expect me to do.” “Hey.” He tips my face upwards, nudging me under the chin. “Fuck them.” I can’t help but smile at his words. “Just like that huh?” I laugh. “Just like that.” “Now what are you really doing here? I know you didn’t come all this way just to hang up on my exboyfriend.” I take a step back, retrieving my bag from the ground. “I came down with Gavin. His mom is having her monthly Tuesday night spaghetti dinner. Thought I’d see how you felt about Italian.” “Are you inviting me to Gavin’s parents’ house?” I cock my head to the side. “I am.” His smile deepens. “It’s a tradition at the Porter household, and you’d be doing me a huge favor by saving me from the likes of his cousin Tracy.” “Tracy huh?” I raise my eyebrow, throwing him a curious look. “She grew up with me and Gavin. I think she’s still convinced I am going to marry her one day.” He lets out a light laugh. “Who knows, maybe you will,” I tease, nudging him playfully. “What do say? Save me for an evening?” He hits me with the most pathetic sad face he can muster. “Now how can I say no to that face?” I laugh. “I have to head back to my room first and change,” I say, assuming it’s a pretty casual affair considering he’s sporting his usual faded jeans, a fitted black t-shirt, and leather jacket. “Come on, I’ll give you a ride.” He takes my hand and pulls me in the direction of his bike which I now see is parked directly across the street from the diner. I must have walked right past him and not even realized it, too busy dealing with Garrett to really pay attention to anything else going on around me. **** “So this is where you live?” Decklan follows me inside of my empty dorm room, closing the door behind him. “It’s not much but it’s home,” I say, looking around the small square space that is packed with two beds, a desk, and more clothes and shoes scattered around the room than two people could ever possibly need. “Harlee,” I explain, pointing to the mess of clothing. “She’s in class right now.” “No inspiration?” Decklan doesn’t acknowledge my comment, immediately honing in on the easel and blank canvas sitting in the corner of the room. “It’s my final project for the semester. I’m supposed to paint a self-portrait.” I shrug, stepping up next to him. “Or rather a portrait of how I view myself. I’m just not quite sure there’s anything there to paint.” I don’t realize the statement until it's already left my mouth. “What do you mean?” He turns curious eyes on me.

“I don’t know.” I briefly meet his gaze before turning back to the canvas. “Sometimes I’m just not sure who I am: the girl I want to be or the person my parents’ made me.” Grabbing my chin, he turns my face towards him, his gray eyes burning into mine. “I think you know exactly who you are. You’re just afraid to let her out.” He pulls my body flush with his, dropping a deep kiss to my mouth. “Beauty.” His lips trail down my jawline, dropping to my neck as he pushes my jacket from my shoulders. “Strength.” He tugs the hem of my shirt upward and discards it to the floor before reaching around and unclasping my bra. “Sex.” He hisses against my mouth as he pops open the button of my jeans. “You just have to let yourself see the person I see.” He lifts me up, almost immediately depositing me on top of my bed. I lift up slightly to allow him to peel my jeans and panties away, leaving me completely bare in front of him. “I’m not sure that person exists.” “Oh, she’s in there.” He lets out a controlled exhale, dropping his lips to my stomach. “And she’s fucking driving me insane.” He growls, trailing kisses downward until his face settles between my legs and he nips at my sensitive flesh. “All I want to do is taste her.” He flicks his tongue against my clit causing me to jump slightly. “Feel her quiver beneath me.” He flicks again, this time with more force causing a deep moan to escape my throat. “Fuck, Kimber.” His breath is hot on my skin as he continues his slow assault, torturing me with each flicker of his tongue. “That’s it, baby.” He breathes, applying more pressure as his movements become more purposeful, pulling my body to a height of pleasure it’s never before experienced. I’ve never done anything like this. While it leaves me so completely exposed and vulnerable, Decklan has a way of making me feel confident and sexy. It allows me to explore the sensation of pleasure coursing through me without judgment. “Decklan.” I arch my back and cry out as an orgasm hits me out of nowhere, building deep within me until I feel like my body is about to split apart beneath his skilled tongue. He slows his movements, not stopping until he is sure he has pulled every last bit of pleasure from me that he can; my body literally trembling beneath him. Standing, he grabs my legs and twists, flipping me to my stomach with next to no effort. Securing his hands at the base of my knees he tugs me downward until my feet are on the floor, my backside perched upward. I hear the rustle of fabric and the rip of the condom wrapper before his massive erection settles against me from behind. Sliding the tip up and down, making sure I’m ready for him. When he finally enters me on a deep thrust, I cry out, my voice muffled against the blanket beneath me. Gripping it tightly against my face, I let out another deep moan when he rears back and thrusts inside of me again. He goes so deep I swear I can feel him everywhere. His fingers tighten around my hips as he works up a steady rhythm, pumping in and out of me so forcefully that I can feel the mattress sliding against the frame beneath me. “You better be ready for me, baby.” He groans behind me, his movements becoming less controlled with each moment that passes. “Fuck you feel so good.” The slow build that has been working its way back in with each thrust suddenly boils to the surface, the sound of him behind me making it impossible to hold it in any longer. I bunch the blanket tightly in my fingers and scream into the fabric, my entire body going rigid as my second orgasm waves over me with so much intensity I can barely control the quiver running through my body. “Fuuuuck.” I hear Decklan groan behind me as he lets go of his release as well, slamming into me so frantically I know his must be just as intense.

Several long moments pass before he finally slows to a stop and pulls out, pulling me up into his arms. Dropping his face into the crook of my neck, he kisses my flesh, his arms wrapping tightly around my torso. “What are you doing to me?” He breathes into my hair. “I could ask you the same question,” I get out weakly, turning in his embrace. “We should go.” He lays a gentle kiss to my lips. “Gavin hates when I leave him alone with his family for too long.” He laughs lightly. “Or we could stay.” I take a step backward towards the bed, pulling him along with me. “You’re insatiable.” He grins, taking another step with me. “I mean, we can just leave then.” I tease, sliding onto the mattress, putting my entire body on display for him. “Maybe we have a little more time.” He gives me a wicked smile, his eyes holding so much promise. I can already feel my body tightening from the anticipation of what I know is to come.

Chapter Twelve Decklan “You’re late.” Gavin opens the door and hits me a stern look. A look that completely disappears when he realizes I’m not alone. “Well hello, Kimber.” He gives her a wide smile, opening the door further to allow us both to pass through. “Is that Decklan?” I hear Rosie, Gavin’s mom, before her petite frame pops around the corner, hitting me with a wide smile. “There he is.” She crosses the space towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “How’s it going, Rosie?” I ask when she finally releases me and steps back to give me the once over. “Oh you know, trying to keep all these hooligans under control.” She sighs, pushing her auburn hair away from her face. “Who’s this?” She turns wide eyes on Kimber when she finally registers her semihiding behind me. “Rosie, this is Kimber. Kimber, this is Rosie, Gavin’s mom.” “Oh dear, I’m practically mother to all the strays in this neighborhood.” She hits me a playful wink before turning her attention back to Kimber. “It’s very nice to meet you, Rosie.” Kimber steps forward to take Rosie’s extended hand. “I hope I’m not imposing.” “Good heavens, girl, of course not; the more the merrier. That’s how we operate around here, isn’t that right boys?” She flashes her gaze between me and Gavin. “Besides, it will be nice to have another lady here tonight. Save me from all the testosterone floating around.” Kimber and Rosie laugh in unison, and I can visibly see Kimber relax next to me. She never said it on the way over but I got the impression she was very nervous about coming here tonight. I knew she’d be fine as soon as she met Rosie. Everyone loves Rosie. She was like a second mother to all of Gavin’s friends growing up, including me. Had she not let me stay here my senior year of high school, it’s likely I would never have graduated and who knows where I would be now. I am one hundred percent aware that I owe her more than I will ever be able to repay her. “Well come on you lot, dinner is almost ready,” she says before turning her attention to Kimber once more. “You can come with me, let these boys do what boys do.” She laughs. Kimber gives me a small smile and then follows Rosie down the hall towards the kitchen, disappearing from view within seconds. “What the fuck?” Gavin turns to me the moment we’re alone. “What?” “You brought her here?” He takes a hard look at my face, clearly trying to place what the hell is going on with me. “It’s just dinner. Besides, I thought it might be nice to have something appealing to look at instead of your ugly ass.” I bump my shoulder roughly into his as I head into the living room to my right, tossing my jacket down on the back of the couch.

“Ha. Ha.” He crosses his arms in front of his chest, leaning into the wide arc doorway. “You must really like this girl,” he observes, his smile spreading. “Don’t do that,” I warn. “Do what?” He fakes innocence. “Don’t make this something it’s not. It’s not a big deal.” I collapse down onto the couch. “Uh huh.” Gavin’s smile seems permanently attached to his fucking face, and for some reason, it kind of pisses me off. “I don’t know why you’re so hell bent on putting on a show, Deck. We may not be blood, but we are brothers. You don’t have to front where I’m concerned.” “I’m not.” Even as the words come out I know they’re bullshit, but I say them anyway. Truth is, I’m not ready to let this be more than it is. Kimber’s a phase. For whatever reason, I need her right now. Right now, not forever. I’ll bore of her soon enough and then finally be able to shake the hold she seems to have on me. “Say whatever makes you sleep better at night, dude, but I fucking know you. Whether you want to admit it or not, that girl is changing you. And for the record—” He cuts me off when I start to interject, “—I think that’s a good thing.” I open my mouth to respond but then immediately close it when Rosie’s voice filters through the house. “Dinner’s ready.” She hollers down the hall before yelling up the stairs as well. Pushing into a stand, I throw one more warning glare at Gavin, making sure he knows that if he tries any bullshit tonight I won’t hesitate to take his ass out, before heading towards the dining room. ****

Kimber It’s so refreshing to see Decklan like this, relaxed and more at ease than I’ve seen him before. It’s clear by the interactions happening around the Porter dinner table, Decklan is very much a part of this family, and I get the impression that is something that means a great deal to him. I hide my smile behind my napkin when I look up to see Tracy, Gavin’s teenage cousin, sitting across from Decklan, her elbow resting on the table, her cheek propped up on her fist as she gazes dreamily in his direction. He clearly notices, throwing me a playful side glance when he sees I notice as well. It’s innocent, and honestly, I can’t say I blame her. I would probably be doing the same thing if I were her. Decklan is beyond gorgeous. Any girl would have to be blind not to be physically drawn to him. “So, Kimber, what is it that you do, hon?” Rosie cuts into my thoughts, pulling my attention to her. “I’m actually a freshman at the University of Oregon.” I smile politely, trying not to show just how much I hate being put on the spot. It’s bad enough that Decklan’s eyes are on me, but to have Gavin, his mother, two cousins, two uncles, sister and brother-in-law all staring at me makes me feel squeamish. I have to consciously make sure I don’t fidget under their gazes. “My niece Cecelia studies there, something to do with the brain.” Rosie laughs when she clearly blanks on what it’s called. “Psychology, Mom.” Gavin shakes his head on a laugh. “That’s it, Psychology. What do you study there, dear?” “Art,” I answer, waiting for the familiar looks of disapproval I am used to seeing when I tell someone I am majoring in something so impractical. To my surprise, not one person looks at me like that.

“That’s wonderful. Mr. Porter always loved the Arts. God bless his soul. He took me to this old ratty gallery for our first date. I didn’t know anything about art at the time. Listening to him talk about it was like listening to someone speak a foreign language, but oh how I loved to watch the excitement on his face as he tried to explain it to me. I think I fell in love with him that very first night.” She smiles fondly at the memory. “Do you know what you want to do after you graduate?” “I’d actually like to own an Art Gallery,” I admit. “As much as I love to paint, I appreciate others work far beyond my own. I can’t imagine doing anything more rewarding than helping launch careers of new artists and making sure the world has the opportunity to view their work.” “I think that sounds incredible. Mr. Porter would have really liked you.” She turns her attention to Decklan. “She’s a special one. Don’t you go mucking it up.” I can’t help the smile that takes over my face when Decklan laughs and nods at Rosie. The conversation continues to flow throughout dinner but thankfully stays off of me for the most part; besides the occasional question about West Virginia or my parents’, which I manage to brush over seamlessly. By the time Rosie excuses herself to the kitchen to get dessert, I feel more comfortable than I ever remember feeling at my parents’ dinner table. It’s clear how loving and supportive this family is, and I can’t help but feel envious of Gavin in that regard. He’s extremely lucky. “Thank you for inviting me.” I turn my attention to Decklan for the first time in a while. He gives me a stiff nod but doesn’t speak. I can immediately tell something’s off. Beads of sweat have formed across his forehead, and his skin is extremely flushed. He takes a deep inhale and lets it out slowly, a small tremor running through him. “Decklan, are you okay?” I ask, resting my hand on his shoulder which he immediately shakes off. “I’m fine.” He abruptly pushes away from the table, his unexpected action causing me to jump slightly. Crossing through the dining room, he disappears down the hall before I can really even process what’s happening. Just moments later I hear the front door open and close. Not sure if I should follow him or just stay put, I sit conflicted for several long seconds before finally deciding to check on him. Just as I push my chair back to stand, Gavin halts my movements. “Don’t,” he says, pulling my gaze to him. “He’ll be fine.” His voice is hushed and barely audible over the other various conversations floating around the room. “He just needs a minute.” “What’s wrong with him?” I lean forward, trying to keep my voice down. “It’s just a headache, you know from the accident,” he says, my stomach twisting slightly at his words. “What accident?” I ask, obviously having never heard this before. “Nothing, forget about it.” He tries to play if off like it’s not a big deal, but I can see right through his failed attempt. “What accident, Gavin?” I try again but am cut off when Rosie reappears carrying a large glass dish, a perfect looking double layered chocolate cake displayed on top. “Alright, here it is,” she sings, setting it in the center of the table. As much as I don’t want to appear rude, I can’t just sit here and eat cake knowing that Decklan is outside in pain. Despite Gavin’s advice to leave him be, I politely excuse myself from the table, feeling Gavin’s eyes follow me as I cross the room. I push my way outside moments later, the cool evening air feeling perfect on my heated skin. It takes only seconds to locate Decklan, sitting on the bottom step slumped over, his head dropped to his knees. “Decklan?” I say his name hesitantly, watching his body go stiff the moment my voice reaches his ears. “Go back inside, Kimber.” His voice is pained. “Are you okay?” I ask, ignoring his request.

“I said go the fuck back inside, Kimber,” he growls, his hands going into his hair as he straightens his posture. I hesitate for a moment before disregarding his statement. “No,” I insist, my tone absolute. Climbing to the bottom of the three-step stone staircase, I step directly in front of Decklan and crouch down to his level. “Not until you tell what I can do to help you,” I say, putting my hand under his chin to force his face upwards. “There’s nothing you can fucking do.” I suck in a ragged breath when his glossed over gray eyes find mine, the pain behind them so evident. “Fuck.” He drops his head slightly, clearly fighting through the pain. Not sure what else to do, I drop my knees onto the concrete landing and wrap my arms around his neck, securing him against me. I know it does nothing for the pain he’s clearly feeling, but I’m just trying to bring him even the smallest bit of comfort. He doesn’t return my embrace, but he doesn’t reject it either. Instead, he simply rocks in my arms as I gently trail my fingertips across the back of his neck and across his shoulders. When his body relaxes slightly and his arms close around me, pulling me into his chest, I know that the pain has finally passed. Though by the tremble in his hands, I can tell the effects of that pain are still very much present. “I’m sorry.” He breathes, burying his face in the crook of my neck as he holds me tightly. “Don’t be,” I say, my fingers continuing to gently move across back. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.” “What happened?” I pull back slightly to meet his gaze. “Just a headache, it’s nothing.” He tucks my hair behind my ear, trailing the back of his hand gently down my cheek. “From the accident?” I ask, seeing him visibly stiffen at my words. “Why didn’t you tell me you were in some kind of accident? Was it bad?” I ask, just trying to understand what would bring on such intense pain when minutes earlier he was fine. “It’s nothing. It was a long time ago.” He gives me a vague reply, clearly not wanting to talk about it. “Is that how you got this?” I ask, trailing my fingers gently across the scar that runs across his left temple. He reaches up and immediately halts my movements, wrapping his hand around mine. “I should probably get you home.” The abruptness of his statement catches me off guard. “Oh, okay,” I say, letting my hand drop away. “I’m sorry if I pushed too hard. I just want to understand,” I try to explain. “It’s fine, really.” He pushes into a stand, lifting me to my feet as he does. “I’m going to tell Rosie goodbye and then we’ll go,” he says, turning and walking back inside the house without another word. **** “What are you doing Friday?” Decklan asks, pulling the helmet from my head to rest it on the seat of the motorcycle just moments after arriving at my dorm. “I don’t have anything planned,” I answer hesitantly, still not sure what the hell happened at the Porter’s house or how he can filter between hot and cold so rapidly. One minute he’s all about me: touching me, throwing heated glances in my direction. The next he’s treating me like a nuisance; someone not worthy of sharing his pain, and I don’t just mean physical. He tries to hide it, but I can still see it. He’s buried, it but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t show through.

“We’re throwing our annual Halloween party at Deviants.” He cuts into my thoughts, taking my hand as he walks me towards my building. “You and your friends should come. Everyone dresses up, well besides me.” He laughs lightly. “It’s a pretty good time.” We get to the front steps of my dorm building before I finally respond. “Sounds fun.” I turn to face him, not as excited as I normally would be given that things still feel off between us. “So I’ll see you then?” he asks, trailing the pad of his thumb across my chin. “Yeah. I’ll see you then,” I say, pushing up onto my tiptoes to lay a brief kiss to his lips before turning and disappearing inside. As much as I want to see him again, I just don’t know how good of an idea it is to keep this going. I thought I knew what I signed up for with Decklan, and he’s been perfectly clear on what this is for him. But even still, deep down I really just thought it would be different. Realizing that it won’t be might prove to be more than I am capable of handling.

Chapter Thirteen Kimber “That’s what you’re wearing?” I gawk at Angel who emerges from the bathroom dressed in nothing more than a white corset and a white skirt so short if she bends over her entire backside will be on full display. “Don’t worry, I’m gonna wear a halo and wings, too.” She gives me a mischievous smile. “And that’s gonna somehow make the fact that you’re practically naked okay?” I laugh, shaking my head at her. “I hate to tell you, but you don’t have much room to talk.” She gestures to my police costume. The skimpy number consists only of a skin tight navy blue dress that stops several inches above my knee, a thick black belt with handcuffs, and a matching hat that sits on top of my straight sexy hair that Harlee spent an hour perfecting. Add on the black heels I borrowed from Angel and I hate to admit she might be right. In my defense, I borrowed this from Harlee and it’s by far the least slutty one she had to offer. I don’t have a ton of money to sink into something like a Halloween costume. Not when I have to worry about things like being able to eat and afford my supplies for school. “Does it look okay?” I crunch my forehead, suddenly very concerned that maybe I can’t pull this look off. “Um incredible,” Harlee chimes in from the vanity as she places the final piece of her costume on her head: a feather headband to complete her flapper girl costume. “Trust me, girl, no way that hunk of yours is going to be able to take his eyes off you tonight.” She raises her eyebrows up and down suggestively. “I call dibs on his hot bartender friend.” Angel pulls my attention back to her. “I mean, yummy.” “You can’t call dibs over my dibs,” Harlee interjects. “Mine.” She pins her eyes directly on Angel. “If I had to guess, I think he’d be okay with you two sharing.” I laugh when both girls turn wide eyes on me. “Who are you and what did you do with my sweet little Kimber?” Harlee laughs, crossing her arms in front of herself. “I buried her out back. I like this version so much better.” I laugh, snagging my cell phone from the bed. “Me, too.” Angel drops an arm over my shoulder. “Well, ladies, you ready,” she asks, the last part coming out as an excited squeal. “Ready.” I smile, letting out a nervous exhale. **** Deviants is busier than I have ever seen it. There is a line of elaborately dressed individuals almost wrapping the building. Angel has to park two blocks away because there is not one parking spot anywhere remotely close.

I’m almost worried we won’t be able to get in until I see Gavin step outside just as we approach the front entrance. His timing couldn’t be better. It isn’t until we get within a couple of feet that I see his attire. He’s dressed in a ripped white t-shirt, fake blood-soaked down the front, his face painted to look like he is no longer among the living. “Don’t arrest me, officer, I swear I’m innocent.” He holds his hands up on a laugh the moment his eyes land on me. “Somehow I doubt that.” I return his laugh, stopping directly in front of him. Holding a cigarette loosely between his lips, his eyes trail down the two women who stop next to me. “Ladies, nice to see you again.” He gives Harlee a brilliant smile, and I hear her soft exhale of excitement next to me. “Zombie.” I point to his outfit. “Easiest costume there is.” He tilts his head back on a laugh when I crinkle my nose. “I take it you’re not a fan?” “Of dead people walking around trying to eat me, not so much.” I shake my head on a laugh. “This is crazy,” I observe, gesturing to the amount of people waiting to get in. “Oh just wait.” He laughs. “Best night of the year.” “Is Decklan inside?” I ask as he pulls a lighter from his pocket and lights the tip of his cigarette, taking a long drag and exhaling before answering. “I think he’s upstairs.” He takes another drag. “You’re welcome to head on in,” he says, holding up his index finger as he digs into his back pocket with the opposite hand, pulling out yellow wristbands just moments later. “I’m good, I’m not drinking,” I say, shaking my head. “Ladies?” He offers Harlee and Angel each one which they happily accept. Turning towards the bulky guy sitting at the door, he gestures to the three of us and nods, the bouncer nodding back. “You’re good to head on in.” “Thanks, Gavin.” I smile, nodding as I head towards the front door. “I think I’m gonna hang out here for a minute,” Harlee calls behind me, halting both mine and Angel’s steps. I turn my head to see a wide smile on her face. “I won’t be long,” she reassures me, winking. Shaking my head, I grab Angel’s forearm as she starts to object and drag her inside behind me, my steps faltering the moment the door closes behind us. It takes me a moment to take it all in. The entire room is done up like some freak show haunted fun house. Black lights and strobe lights have taken the place of the normal dim bar lighting. Crazy mirrors line the exterior walls, and there are at least three, that I can see, life-size clowns that remind me of Pennywise from the movie ‘It’. “Shit, they really get into this.” Angel steps up next to me, looking around the room. “That they do,” I agree. “I’m gonna go try to find Decklan, are you okay for a minute?” I ask, not really wanting to leave her alone but also not able to fight how badly I am dying to see him right now. We haven’t spoken since Tuesday when he dropped me off after dinner at the Porters house, and I haven’t felt right about anything since then. I tried texting him a couple of times but have gotten no response. A part of me even considered not coming tonight fearing maybe he doesn’t want to see me. “Yeah, yeah, go.” Angel shoos me with her hands. “I’m gonna grab a drink and scour the room for some hotties.” She winks. “I’ll be back,” I say, turning as I push my way through the thick crowd of witches, vampires, devils, and other various disguises. Not sure if I can just go up, I hesitate at the edge of the bar, catching the attention of a short dark haired girl who crosses towards me the moment she sees me.

“Can I get ya something hon?” she asks, reaching into the cooler not feet from me to grab a beer, immediately sliding it across the bar to a man on the other side before turning back to me. “Is Decklan upstairs?” I ask, not missing the recognition that crosses her face the moment the question leaves my mouth. “Kimber?” Her lips turn up in a wide smile when I nod. “You can go on up.” She pulls the door open and gestures up the stairs without a moment’s hesitation. Her action leads me to believe that maybe he informed her to send me up when I arrived. The thought makes me feel just a tiny bit better but doesn’t fully calm the butterflies in my stomach still flapping around nervously. “Tell him to get his ass down here if you don’t mind.” She nods before letting the door close behind me. It takes only seconds for me to climb the narrow staircase, the dark wood of Decklan’s door directly in front of me before I even have a moment to figure out what I’m going to say or how I’m going to act. This whole thing is so new to me. I really have no idea how to conduct myself. Do I act entitled like a girlfriend? Should I go back downstairs and wait for him to find me? Before I can overthink it too much, I reach my hand up and knock lightly on the door, Decklan’s voice sounding just moments later. “What?” he yells from inside, aggravation evident in his tone. “It’s Kimber,” I get out weakly. I stand in complete silence for what feels like several long moments but is likely just a few short seconds, wondering if he even heard me before I finally hear him again. “Come in.” Pushing my way inside, it takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the dark room, the only light provided by the street lamp outside. I close the door softly behind me before spotting Decklan sitting on the couch, a glass in his hand, a near empty bottle of whiskey on the coffee table in front of him. “Hey,” I say softly, not sure exactly what I’m walking into. “Hey.” His response is casual as he leans forward and refills the glass in his hand, slugging back the contents seconds later. “What are you doing up here?” I ask, slowly crossing the space towards him. “I just needed a few.” He lets out a deep exhale. “Do you want me to go?” I ask, stopping just feet from where he’s sitting. “No.” His answer is instant. “That’s the last thing I want,” he says, for the first time taking in my attire as I step directly into the light filtering in through the window. He takes a ragged inhale, and even in the darkness I can see the desire form behind his incredible eyes. “You like?” I ask, holding my arms out to the side so he can get the full view. “What do you think?” He grabs my hand and pulls me into his lap. “I’m guessing yes?” I laugh, feeling him grow hard beneath me. “You guessed fucking right.” He growls, pulling my face down to his. The moment our lips meet, he pulls me in deeper, the taste and smell of whiskey invading my senses in an instant. As much as I hate whiskey, I have to admit I love the way it tastes on him. “You’re killing me, Kimber.” He groans, pulling my bottom lip into his mouth. “You say that like it’s a bad thing,” I get out on a pant when his lips find my neck and he nibbles at my flesh. “It is a bad thing. A very bad thing.” He nips roughly at the base of my neck before tossing me backward onto the couch.

I don’t have time to react before he’s hovering over me, popping the buttons of my costume open one at a time, his eyes remaining focused on each inch of flesh as it’s exposed. Within seconds, the dress is laying open and his hands are trailing across the bare flesh of my abdomen. “You’re all I can think about.” He groans, dipping his fingers inside my panties to find me already ready for him. “Fuck.” He shoves two fingers roughly inside causing a cry of pleasure to rip from my throat. “I don’t want to think about you. I don’t want to want you, Kimber.” His breathing becomes more rapid as he begins pumping his fingers inside of me. “But fuck me, I can’t shake you.” “Then maybe you should stop trying.” My words come out shaky and barely break the surface. “Maybe you’re right.” He abruptly pulls his hand away, his fingers tangling in the thin material of my panties, and in one hard tug, the fabric tears away. I want to object, curse at him for ruining the only pair of underwear I have here, but I am too turned on by the action to follow through. “I want you like this all night, Kimber.” He tosses the thin ripped material to the side. “Bare and ready for me.” He slides his index finger back inside of me before pulling it out and raising it to his lips. He sucks it into his mouth, moaning as my flavor hits his tongue. The action is so erotic that the selfconsciousness I may normally feel doesn’t even attempt to make an appearance. Slowly he begins buttoning my costume back up, sliding it down over my bare ass as he pulls me up from the couch. “Decklan,” I object, feeling the familiar ache in my belly any time he’s near. An ache I need him to satisfy. “Patience.” He gives me a wicked grin. “I want you to get a small taste of how I feel every single time I’m around you. I want you to feel exposed, vulnerable, and so completely fucking aroused you can barely think straight. ” He breathes against my mouth, dropping a brief kiss to my jaw as he pushes off of the couch, adjusting his erection before taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. “But,” I object, knowing there is no way I can go down there with no panties on. “When I decide I can no longer take the thought of you just feet from me, bare and wet waiting for me to fuck you.” He pauses just next to the door. “Then I’ll have my way with you. Not a moment sooner.” He kisses me deeply, silencing my lingering objections. I have no choice but to comply. How could I ever deny him a request that sends my blood boiling with the heat of his statement? This man owns me... There is not one thing I wouldn’t do for him right here and now.

Chapter Fourteen Decklan What the fuck was I thinking? I wasn’t, truth be told. I didn’t realize how fucking crazy it would make me knowing Kimber is prancing around in that tight little costume with not a god damn thing underneath. I think a part of me doubted she would go through with it. Not only did she, but she’s owning it, teasing me, using it against me at every turn. I both love it and fucking hate it at the same time. I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of her all night. Not when I’m so aware of how exposed she is right now and that one little bend or lift of her dress and the whole bar would get a peek of what is mine. Mine? Even as foreign as that sounds to me, I know there’s no denying the possessiveness I feel towards this girl. She fucking is mine whether she knows it or not. So instead of working or doing anything for that matter, I have found myself for most of the night lounging at the bar watching her and her two friends, one of which Gavin seems to have taken a particular interest in. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me. Gavin is a sucker for tall thin blondes and Harlee, Kimber’s roommate is definitely that. I can’t help but smile when I see Kimber crossing the space towards me, purposely avoiding meeting my gaze as she passes by. Reaching out I snake my arm around her waist and pull her towards me, laughing when she lets out a playful squeal. “And just where do you think you’re going?” I shift in the barstool, pulling her small body between my legs. “Well, there’s this really hot guy over there. I thought maybe I’d check it out.” She crinkles her nose playfully. “Careful,” I warn, leaning down to suck her bottom lip into my mouth. She lets out a soft moan, her nails digging into the fabric of my jeans as she squeezes just above my knees, sinking deeper against me. “Can we go yet?” She whines, pulling back to puff out her bottom lip at me. “I don’t know. I’m rather enjoying myself,” I lie, knowing full well the only thing I want to do right now is bury myself between her legs. “Well, you remember that when I have to leave to take Angel and Harlee home.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest. “You’re not staying?” I can’t contain the disappointment in my voice no matter how hard I try to mask it. “I didn’t think you’d want me to.” She seems surprised by my reaction. “Come on.” I avoid her statement as I push out of the stool, grabbing her hand to pull her behind me. “Wait, where are we going? I didn’t get to go talk to that guy,” she objects as I pull her inside the stairwell, slamming the door shut the moment she’s inside. “Fuck that guy. You’re fucking mine,” I growl, my mouth crashing down on hers as I pull her into me.

She gasps lightly when I lift her, quickly securing her legs around my waist as I begin to climb the stairs, pushing my way inside my apartment within a matter of seconds. Swinging the door closed behind us, I immediately cross the room, depositing her on top of the bed the moment I reach it. Reaching down, I spread her legs open, taking in a sharp inhale when my eyes meet her bare flesh. It’s all I have thought about all night: seeing her, feeling her. This girl has me by the fucking balls, and there’s not a fucking thing I can do about it. Trailing my hand lightly between her legs, I can’t fight my smile when she arches her back, pushing into my touch. “Now, Decklan. Do it now,” she whimpers when I press the pad of my thumb against her clit and slowly rotate it. “Do what now?” I increase the speed of my finger but still keep my pace slow enough that her frustration lingers, wanting her to beg for it. “Fuck me, Decklan.” I can’t deny how fucking incredible those words sound coming out of her pretty little mouth. “You want me to what?” I increase the speed of my hand more, my erection pressing so tightly against my jeans it’s past the point of uncomfortable. I know I’m teasing her, but in the process, I’m fucking torturing myself. Just watching her writhe beneath my touch is enough to drive me beyond the point where I can hold out any longer. “Fuck,” I grind out, dropping my hand away as I tear open my jeans. I don’t bother undressing her further. I love seeing her like this. Her tight little dress squeezing her body just right, her wet pussy exposed and on full display for me. I bite down on my bottom lip, trying to steady my hand as I quickly slide a condom on. Pulling her ass to the edge of the mattress, I spread her legs wider, taking one last long look before I bury myself deep inside of her. The initial impact nearly brings me to the brink, and I have to still myself inside of her for a brief moment. Taking a deep breath, I try to reel myself in and get my shit together. I can’t let myself lose control that quickly. I need her there with me first. Crawling up her body, I drag her further up the mattress with me as I go, and settle down on top of her as I drop my lips back down to hers. She feels so fucking incredible around me, I’m afraid any movement will send me over the edge. Sliding her arms around me, Kimber deepens the kiss as she urges me forward, raising her hips slightly to meet my slow thrust. I pull out and slide slowly back in, trying to keep my movements controlled as I quicken my pace. It’s not long before I feel Kimber’s grip start to tighten and her perfect façade falling away. It’s in these moments, in the rawness of pleasure, that I see her for who she really is. Wild, untamed, not afraid to take what she wants, and fuck me the most beautiful fucking creature to ever lie beneath me. My release hits me with so much force that I barely register Kimber’s cries as she succumbs to her own pleasure. My stomach cramps tightly, the intensity of my orgasm almost painful as it spills out of me. **** “Tell me how you got this?” Kimber trails her finger lightly down the scar that lines the side of my skull, the contact causing me to tense slightly. She props herself up on her elbow, her body still tucked into my side as she meets my gaze. “Hit my head.” My answer is generic and void of any emotion. I’ve perfected that much. “What happened?” She pushes for more, her eyes full of curiosity.

“It was nothing.” I shrug it off, closing my hand around hers to pull her fingers away from the jagged flesh. “Nothing to worry yourself with.” I kiss her knuckles before laying her palm flat against my chest. I can see the hesitation in her eyes, and I know instantly that she wants to ask for more. She studies me for a long moment before finally deciding to let it be. Relaxing back down into my arms, she lays her face against my chest and lets out a slow exhale. “What’s wrong?” I ask, trailing my fingers lightly through her hair. “I’m not ready to leave,” she admits, working slow circles across my stomach with her fingertips. “Then don’t.” “You know I have to.” She lets out another sigh. “You don’t have to do anything,” I challenge, gently rolling her onto her back as I pin her body beneath mine. “I mean, I could just make you stay,” I threaten, dropping my mouth to hers. “I know you’re in there, bitch.” A woman’s voice I don’t instantly recognize suddenly rings through the otherwise empty space followed by a loud series of thumping. “What the fuck?” I mutter, looking down at Kimber, whose eyes are wide as she stares back at me. Before I have a chance to react, let alone respond, Kimber yells back, the level of her voice enough to vibrate her chest against mine. “Twenty more minutes.” She laughs at the curious look I give her. “Angel,” she whispers. “Stop it. They’re in there getting nasty.” I hear another voice I can only assume belongs to Harlee, followed by giggling. “You know we can hear you.” Kimber tries to keep the humor from her voice as the laughter on the other side of the door continues. Throwing me a sweet smile, I know instantly the moment is over. Silently cursing her friends for their less than stellar timing, I roll to the side, pushing myself out of the bed. Kimber joins me within seconds, frantically searching the floor for her dress which takes her a moment to find given the darkness of the room. “I’ll get it.” I shake my head when another round of pounding sounds against the door. Sliding on my jeans, I don’t bother locating my shirt as I cross the space of the room, ripping open the door just as Angel has her hand lifted to knock again. “Well fuck me.” She lets out a loud sigh, her eyes traveling down my bare torso. “Please tell me you have a brother.” She squeals when Harlee smacks the back of her arm. “Trust me, he’s not anything like Decklan.” Kimber appears suddenly at my side, her comment catching me off guard for a brief moment until I remember the day I had lunch with Mom and Trey. I had completely forgotten she was even there. Giving me the type of smile that makes my stomach twist slightly, she pushes up on her tiptoes to lay a brief kiss to my cheek. “I’ll call you later.” She winks, shoving Harlee and Angel away from the doorframe as she steps into the hall. “Goodnight, Decklan,” Angel sings up the stairs just moments before I hear the noise of the bar filter through the open doorway. Glancing at the clock, I see it’s just after midnight. Knowing we are going to have a hell of a lot to clean up, I decide to get dressed and head back down. If I’m lucky, the place won’t be too trashed. “He’s alive.” Gavin smiles at me from his stool at the edge of the bar the moment I step through the door. “What happened to keeping her friends busy?” I grunt, sliding down into the stool next to him before signaling to Val. She nods, appearing in front of me within seconds with a rocks glass in one hand, a bottle of whiskey in the other. “Where have you been all night?” she asks before Gavin can respond, a teasing undertone apparent in her voice.

“Where do you think he was?” Gavin laughs beside me, draining his glass before taking the bottle from Val and refilling it, then depositing the half empty bottle onto the bar in front of us. “He’s in love.” His voice goes up an octave as he sways next to me. “I’m not in love,” I grunt, draining the contents of my glass in one drink. “I don’t know, boss, even I have to admit I’ve never seen you act this way before,” Val agrees, taking the bottle from my hand after I refill the empty glass in front of me. “It’s called mixing it up. You two should try it sometime.” I try to let their comments roll off my back, but even I can’t deny the shred of truth they may hold. Is Kimber really changing me that much? I know the answer to that question without giving it a second thought. “Is that what people are calling it these days?” he smarts off. “You really want to go there?” I throw him a warning glare. “So defensive.” Gavin clicks his tongue off the roof of his mouth. “And how about you?” I turn towards him. “Since when have you not been able to land a woman you’ve locked in on?” I give him a knowing smile. “Not going soft are we?” “Fuck you, Deck. I’m not soft. I’m just sure as hell not going to throw myself at someone who wants to play hard to get, especially when I have so many others begging. That may be a fun game for you, but I don’t do games; I fuck.” He shoots Val a vicious look when she lets out a loud snort. “Sorry.” She laughs. “But you two kill me.” She turns, shaking her head as she walks away. “What the fuck?” Gavin growls, his eyes still fixed on Val as she leans across the counter to take a customer’s order. “What?” I throw him a curious glance. “Why’d she laugh like that?” He seems genuinely bothered by Val’s reaction. “Probably because she knows you.” I grin, emptying the rest of my drink in one swig. “What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” “Nothing.” I shake my head, not feeling up to spending the next hour reassuring him that he’s not completely losing his touch. Gavin has always had a way with women, and I’m sure it’s grating on him that Harlee hasn’t dropped to her knees and begged him to take her. I find the whole situation quite humorous really. It also gives me a welcome distraction from my own current situation. It’s easier to focus on other people’s lives than to deal with the fact that mine looks completely foreign to me. For the longest time I have operated the exact same way, and to have someone show up and completely unhinge all of that is fucking unsettling as hell. I try to convince myself it’s nothing, that I will bore of Kimber eventually. But deep down I think I know that’s not true. I think I know she means a hell of a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. Because admitting that gives up the control that I am so desperately clinging to. I can’t let myself go down this road. I can’t risk hurting her the way I eventually hurt everyone who gets too close to me. I don’t think I could bear to have her look at me with the same disappointment I have seen so many times before. To see pain in her eyes and know I put it there. I think ultimately, that’s what scares me the most.

Chapter Fifteen Kimber “Yes, I know it’s been a while.” I try my best to muffle my frustration about having the same conversation with my mom yet again. “Is it so much to ask that you call your parents’ from time to time? Honestly, Kimber, did we not raise you better than this?” Her judgmental tone is no less effective thousands of miles away, and I still find myself shrinking slightly. “Your father is convinced the only way to reason with you is to come to Oregon and put you on a plane himself,” she continues. “I’m not a child. He can’t just force me to come home,” I object, knowing the last thing I want is for Dan James to show up here. “You are our child, or have you forgotten that?” “Of course, I haven’t. Just because I’m following my own path doesn’t mean I love you any less. But this is my life, Mom. You’re just going to have to find a way to live with my choices.” “One day, Kimber, you’ll have children of your own...” “And I will love them and teach them. And when they’re old enough, I will trust them to choose for themselves and know they will do the right thing because I raised them right,” I cut her off. “It’s not always so black and white,” she snips, sighing loudly into the phone. “No, it’s not,” I agree. “But you know me; have you no faith that I can do this on my own?” “It’s not that,” she objects. “Then what is it? Because from where I’m standing that’s exactly what it boils down to, you don’t trust me. But here’s the good news, you don’t have too. I am an adult, and I will make my choices whether you support them or not.” “Kimber.” “I’m not doing this.” I look up from my place on the bed, throwing a frustrated glance to Harlee who quietly closes the door behind her as she steps inside the room. “You’re leaving us with very little choice,” my mom warns. “And you’re leaving me with very little,” I promise, feeling the emotion clog my throat. I’ve tried telling my parents’ how much their support would mean to me, but it still seems to make no difference. I just don’t understand how parents can treat their own child this way. I’d be lying if I said this whole situation doesn’t break my heart a little. I want nothing more than to live my life my way and know I have my parents’ there to back me every step of the way. No child should ever have to choose between their family and their freedom. “I have to go, I have class,” I lie, not waiting for her response before ending the call, dropping the phone on the mattress in front of me. “Again?” Harlee drops her bag onto the floor before taking a seat on the edge of my bed. “It’s never ending.” I sigh, meeting her sympathetic gaze. If anyone understands bad parenting it’s Harlee, though her situation is so much worse than mine. Her mom died of a drug overdose when she was only ten years old which left her with her drunk of a father

until he was sentenced to ten years in prison when she was fifteen. She got taken in by a wealthy aunt after that, but that’s all I really know. “You can’t force them to come around. All you can do is live your life for you. Either they’ll decide it’s better to let you be yourself rather than lose you all together or they won’t. Either way, I think you’ll be just fine.” She gives me a reassuring smile. “I know. It’s just hard.” I let out a deep sigh. “I get it.” She pats my leg before pushing up off the bed. “So how are things with lover boy?” I don’t object to her abrupt subject change, having no desire to beat the dead horse that is my relationship with my parents’. “Good.” I smile at the thought of Decklan. “Really good actually.” “So things are getting more serious?” I watch her grab her book bag from the floor and cross the space to her own bed before she finally turns her gaze back to me. “I don’t know that I would say that. I mean, it’s intense,” I admit. “He’s intense.” I sigh. “And very hard to read.” “How so?” she asks, flopping down onto her mattress as she pulls her bag into her lap. “I mean, it’s amazing when we’re together, but I can’t seem to get past how closed off he is. Every time I ask him anything personal, he shuts down. Kind of makes me feel unimportant, like I’m not worth sharing things with.” “Give it time,” Harlee reassures me. “Some guys just have a really hard time opening up. He’ll get there.” “How can you be so sure?” “Because I’ve seen the way that man looks at you.” Her answer is immediate. “What do you mean?” Her response makes me curious. “I can’t explain it. It’s just something about the way he watches you like you belong to him.” “Is that a good thing?” I laugh, still not sure how I feel about this whole situation. I’m terrified by how strongly I feel for him over such a short period of time. It seems unnatural to me that after just a few short weeks he has such a hold on me. He’s all I can think about; all I dream about. When I’m with him I never want to leave. When I’m not with him, all I want to do is be with him again. Despite how quickly my feelings for Decklan have formed, I think I’m more worried that I’m just being caught up by a smooth talking playboy that will discard me the moment he’s finished with me. The thought leaves me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I have to shake off the direction my mind is going. “I think so,” Harlee cuts into my thoughts, pulling my attention back to her. “Have you heard from him today?” she asks. “Not today. He’s covering the bar this afternoon I think. Why?” I get the feeling there is more to her question than just wanting to know if I have spoken to him. “Just wondering.” She shrugs, “You sure?” I cock my head to the side, waiting for her to finish pulling out her books and depositing them across the top of the bed before continuing. “Your question wouldn’t have anything to do with Gavin would it?” I give her a knowing smile when she meets my gaze. “He’s got me so mixed up,” she blurts, blood rushing to her cheeks. “What’s going on?” I ask, having not really spoken to Harlee about Gavin in any real length. It’s been a week and a half since the Halloween party at Deviants, and she’s only mentioned him a couple of times in front of me. I know she finds him very attractive, but I’m a little confused as to where this reaction is coming from. Clearly something has happened that I have not been made aware of. “It’s nothing.” She shakes her head.

“Bull.” I hit her with a mischievous smile. “Something happened. Spill.” I adjust my position on the bed slightly so that I am facing directly towards her. “It’s really not a big deal.” She shrugs. “We kissed the night of the Halloween party.” I can’t help but laugh at how she says it. Harlee is usually balls to the wall, says what she thinks, and makes no apology. I’ve never seen her like this before. “But then I saw him again after that and well, we may have slept together.” She drops her face into her hands. “What? When?” I ask in shock over her confession. I had no idea any of this was going on. “Five days ago.” She hits me with an apologetic look. “And you’re just now telling me?” I blurt. “I thought you’d be upset. You know because this thing with Decklan is so new, and I was afraid maybe you thought I’d screw it up by getting mixed up with his friend.” “Are you kidding?” I crinkle my forehead in confusion. “Gavin is not Decklan. Whatever happens between the two of you is solely between you and him. Besides, I think it’s awesome,” I tack on. “Well considering I haven’t heard from him since then, I’m not so sure.” “Is that why you were asking if I had heard from Decklan?” I ask, finally piecing together the dots. “I called the bar earlier and Gavin answered.” She shakes her head like she’s ashamed of her actions. “I don’t have his cell number but I gave him mine.” She tries to explain. “Anyways, I asked him if he wanted to hang out, maybe grab a bite to eat, and he told me he had to cover the bar tonight. When I suggested maybe coming up to keep him company he completely shot down the idea which obviously made me question if he was really telling me the truth.” “Only one way to find out.” I grab my cell, scrolling through my contacts until I find the number to Deviants. Pressing send, it rings three times before Decklan answers. “Hey.” I blush slightly in spite of myself. Just hearing him over the phone sends my heart galloping inside of my chest. “Hey.” I can hear the smile in his voice as he responds. “I just wanted to call and make sure you weren’t going stir crazy.” I laugh, picking at the blanket on my bed. Considering it’s a Wednesday night and from what I have gathered they are pretty slow through the week, I figured this was a justifiable excuse for calling. “Well, I probably would be if I didn’t have Matt here talking my fucking ear off.” I can tell by how he says this that I’m not the only person he’s saying it to. I laugh when I hear Matt, one of Deviants part-time bartenders, yell something in the background. “Shut the fuck up,” Decklan responds, though I have no idea what he’s responding to. “Just tell Gavin to entertain him.” I laugh, getting the information I need without actually having to ask for it. “I would if his ass was here.” I hear Matt again in the background. “Dude shut up or I’m going to cut your ass off and send you home,” Decklan warns. “That’s surprising.” I ignore the side conversation going on with Matt and focus on the purpose of my call. “I thought he never left.” I laugh, throwing Harlee a quick glance who is clearly listening to every word and is not very pleased to hear Gavin isn’t there. “He rarely does, unless there’s a woman involved.” His response causes my stomach to twist slightly, being the last thing I want to tell Harlee. “Good to know.” I laugh it off. “Well, I’m gonna let you get back to it. I just wanted to say hi.” “Okay.” I can once again hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll call you later.” “You better,” I playfully warn.

He waits for my response, laughing lightly on the other end before finally ending the call. Dropping my cell down onto the mattress in front of me, I don’t have a chance to say even a word before Harlee pushes off her bed. “I fucking knew it. That fucking liar.” She paces the room, clearly trying to reign in her emotions. “Maybe it’s not what you think” I interject. “Bullshit.” She spins towards me. “What did Decklan say? Where is he?” she asks, seeming to already know. “He didn’t say specifically,” I answer truthfully. “But he’s not there right?” “No,” I confirm. “See, I just don’t get it. If he doesn’t want to hang out with me why not just say that? Why lie to me about having to cover the bar?” “I don’t know.” I hate that I can’t find something else to say. “Fuck it.” She throws her hands up. “He wants to play that way, fine. Two can play that game.” She crosses towards the closet, ripping the door open the moment she reaches it. “What are you doing?” I watch as she shuffles through her clothes, finally pulling out a pair of jeans and a skimpy black top, throwing them across her bed. “I’m going out,” she answers like it should be obvious. “His actions have made it very clear what he wanted from me. I’m not about to sit around and mope over a man who clearly just used me for a piece of ass.” She slides off her long sleeve t-shirt and tosses it onto the floor. “Where are you going?” “Angel and Jess are hitting up Metros tonight. I think I’ll join them.” She slides off her jeans, having absolutely no shame about stripping in front of me. “You should come with us,” she tacks on. “No thanks. I’ve got to work on my project tonight. At this rate I’m never going to complete it on time,” I say, referring to the self-portrait that I’ve been working on for nearly a week and have started from scratch on three times now. “Suit yourself.” She flips her long blonde hair over her shoulder as she turns, disappearing into the bathroom. Shaking my head, I push off of the bed and slide on my shoes before crossing the short distance of the room. Slipping on my jacket, I grab my bag from the floor before pushing open the door and stepping into the hallway, closing it quietly behind me. There are so many things I would rather be doing tonight, but time is not on my side right now. With my school and work schedule, I’ll be lucky if I can manage to turn in something even remotely acceptable. At least, the labs are open twenty-four hours a day, and I can spend as much time as I need trying to finish it. I have flown through all my other assignments with next to no issue, creating some of my best work in the three short months I’ve been here, but for whatever reason I can’t seem to pound this one out. Every time I try I just end creating some generic piece that looks like I just slapped a sloppy picture of my face on the canvas, and that’s not the point. It’s not about painting my face or my physical appearance at all for that matter. It’s about painting myself as I see me, from the inside out. Problem is, I’m not sure that I know what that me looks like anymore.

Chapter Sixteen Kimber “What are you doing here?” The surprise in my voice is clear. I can’t help the wide smile that stretches across my face at the sight of Decklan. His incredible body dressed in his usual fitted t-shirt, dark jeans and black leather jacket, his messy hair falling haphazardly in front of his impossibly handsome face. Oh dear Lord, please help me. I swear he gets better looking each time I see him as if that were even possible. Just the sight of him makes my legs tremble slightly beneath my weight. I had no idea he was coming out this way today, let alone that I would find him standing outside waiting for me to get off work. “I missed you.” His statement causes my chest to constrict tightly as I cross the sidewalk to where he’s leaning casually against his bike just outside of Lovett’s. “Well, here I am,” I tease. Grabbing the front of his shirt, I pull his face down to mine. The moment our lips meet the same familiar tingle surges through my body. It starts at the point of contact and slowly spreads until I can feel the effects of him everywhere. He slows my advances, smiling against my mouth just seconds before he pulls back and stares down at me with those incredible gray eyes of his. “Do you have a couple hours free? I want to show you something.” He runs the pad of his thumb along my chin causing me to take a sharp inhale. “Of course,” I agree instantly. “But should I change?” I gesture to my long black top and skinny jeans, partnered with a pair of black flats. “You’re perfect.” He drops another brief kiss to my lips. “Besides, it’s only going to be us.” His eyes twinkle mischievously. “What are you up to?” I hit him with a curious look, not able to contain my smile. “You’ll see,” he promises, turning to retrieve his motorcycle helmet before depositing it onto my head. **** “Where are we?” I look up at Decklan who only gives me a wide smile and winks before tangling his fingers with mine and pulling me towards the back of the old brick building in front of us. “Just come on.” He laughs lightly, quickening his pace. I have no idea where exactly we are, but considering we drove for only a few short minutes to get here I’d say we aren’t that far from campus. We are surrounded by at least a handful of other buildings that seem to be set up similarly; all the same, dingy two story brick. There are intersecting sidewalks that connect to form almost a circle around the buildings. If I had to guess, I would say they are all part of the same thing; similar to a college that is made up of several different buildings only much smaller than that. Despite the fact that it’s mid-afternoon, the entire

area seems to be completely vacant. Then again it is Sunday, perhaps it’s just closed today, whatever this is. Decklan drops my hand just as we reach the back entrance, pulling a set of keys from his pocket and inserting them into the lock without once looking in my direction. I watch him curiously as he pulls open the large steel door, gesturing for me to enter. The moment the door latches closed I find it near impossible to see anything and my eyes have trouble adjusting from the bright sun outside to the dim interior. Decklan once again takes my hand, pulling me towards the far wall of what appears to be a large open space. Nothing really comes into view until he flips on a light, and the entire room comes to life in an instant. I gasp, my mind still trying to process what exactly it’s seeing. Paintings, sculptors, sketches; there is art everywhere. Every wall and empty space of the room is lined with them, stretching from floor to ceiling, tucked in corners; it’s like a book lover walking into the most exquisite library they could ever imagine. The view in front of me is absolutely breathtaking. “Decklan.” I barely manage to speak his name, my eyes tracing every inch of the large room. It appears as though this room is the only room, the entire building opened up into one incredible space. “What is this place?” I finally glance in his direction to find him studying my reaction. “The S. Hartley Art Gallery,” he says. “This is where Tim Porter brought Rosie on their first date.” A smile spreads across his face. “But how?” I start, remembering the dinner at the Porters when Gavin’s mom told me the story. “Tim frequented this gallery for years, bringing Rosie back here every year for their anniversary. The original owner of this gallery passed away just six months after Tim. At the funeral, his daughter gave Rosie a key, said she knew how much the gallery had meant to Tim and she wanted Rosie to be able to visit anytime she wanted. I may have asked to borrow that key,” he tacks on, his grin deepening. “I don’t know what to say.” I turn, slowly making my way to the far left wall. There’s everything here; abstract, surrealism, expressionism. Each one is more beautiful than the one before it. “Do you like it?” Decklan finally speaks after a long moment. “Are you kidding?” I spin to find him standing directly next to me. “It’s incredible. All of it.” I gesture around the room. “Rosie said most of the pieces here aren’t worth much; painted by students, freelance artists, people whose names that you would likely not recognize.” “But that’s what makes it so brilliant,” I interject. “The most beautiful pieces are created by an artist who paints for themselves and not for money.” I turn, continuing into the room. It’s not lost on me the magnitude of this moment. I find it hard to believe that Decklan would do something so personal, so incredible, for just anyone. The thought leaves me with a tight feeling in the pit of my stomach and makes it damn near difficult to breathe. Glancing to my right, I catch sight of him, his gaze turned upward as he studies a rather devastating piece in front of him. It’s of man, his hands stretched outward as if reaching for something he can’t grasp. Dark clouds swirl through the background, the pain so apparent on the man’s face it’s almost like looking at a live photograph. His emotion seems to jump off the page at you. “Amazing isn’t it?” I step up next to him, entwining my fingers with his. “I don’t know much about art.” He shrugs, his eyes not leaving the piece in front of him. “You don’t have to know much about art to feel the emotion the artist is trying to portray.” I squeeze his hand, pulling his attention to me. “Thank you for this.” My words are barely above a whisper. “Truly.” “You’re welcome.” The corner of his mouth pulls up in a slow smile just moments before his lips meet mine, the kiss slow and lingering.

The contact causes my insides to burn; my body coming to life under his touch, his kiss. It’s at this moment that the truth becomes undeniably clear. I love him. It’s sudden and powerful and scares me to my core, but I can’t resist it. No matter how badly I want to... **** “You okay?” Decklan nudges my shoulder with his as we make our way from the small diner where he took me to dinner after leaving the art gallery. “I am.” I smile up at him, taking his hand when he offers it. “You’ve been quieter than usual,” he observes. I hadn’t really realized this fact until now. I guess I’ve just been so preoccupied with my realization earlier this evening that I didn’t even notice. All I can think about is where I go from here, my future, what it would look like with Decklan or worse, without him. “Sorry. Just tired I guess.” I give him a sweet smile. “I’ve been in the lab for the last three nights trying to finish my final project of the semester. It doesn’t help that Harlee wakes me up at the crack of dawn every morning either. I think I just need to sleep for like two days straight.” My excuse is not completely untrue. “You could always stay with me for a couple of days.” He raises his eyebrows suggestively. “Yeah, because I’m sure I would get tons of sleep that way.” I laugh, shaking my head. “What are you saying?” He fakes offense, his laughter abruptly cutting off as he stills beside me, his grip on my hand tightening. “What...” My words fall off before I have a chance to finish, my eyes following Decklan’s gaze to the man and woman exiting the restaurant just up ahead to our right. I recognize him the moment his face comes into view. Trey. It’s clear to see he’s spotted Decklan as well, veering in our direction almost instantly. “Well, well, if it isn’t my little brother.” Trey steps directly in front of Decklan on the sidewalk, a lengthy brunette attached to his arm, the pair all but blocking our path. “Had I known you were in town I would have invited you to join us.” “Somehow I doubt that.” Decklan’s voice is tight, his gaze narrowed. “You’re probably right,” he sneers. “You’d likely drink the bar dry and then take home a waitress or two. Oh, wait.” His gaze turns to me, and I spot the recognition that crosses his features almost instantly. “You already found your waitress for the night it would seem.” His eyes dart between the two of us. “Trey Taylor.” He extends his hand to me. “I believe we met a few weeks ago.” “Kimber.” I force my voice even. Taking his hand, I shake it lightly before pulling away. For whatever reason Decklan is not a fan of his brother, which means neither am I. I don’t even have to question it. I don’t know what the deal is with these two but regardless my loyalty stands firmly on this side. “Kimber,” he repeats back. “This is Anita, my fiancée.” He introduces the brunette on his arm. “Fiancée?” Decklan doesn’t try to hide the surprise in his voice. “Yes, well perhaps this wouldn’t come as a shock to you if you actually called your family once in a while. How long has it been since you’ve spoken to Mom?” I can feel the judgment bleeding from every word he speaks. “That’s not any of your fucking business.” Decklan seethes, clearly trying to contain the anger I can see starting to boil slowly below the surface. “Actually, it is my business,” Trey protests. “She’s my mother too, and if you think I’m going to just stand by and not say a word while you break her heart all over again, you’re dead wrong.”

“No one is breaking her heart.” Decklan tries to act unaffected by his brother’s comment but I can see it carries more weight than he’d likely admit. “Is it not enough that she lost Conner?” Trey spits. My mind immediately tries to piece together what they’re talking about, but I can’t ever remember him mentioning anyone by that name. “Don’t you fucking dare,” Decklan threatens, his grip on my hand falling away. “Don’t I dare what, speak the truth? Just because you don’t want to admit it to yourself, doesn’t make it any less true. I tried to tell Mom to let you go, that she was better off without you, but do you think she listens to me? All she wants is for you to be in her life, and you can’t even give her that. Not even after you...” “Don’t say it. Don’t you even fucking think about it.” Decklan’s voice cuts through the air like ice, his tone causing a chill to run down my spine as I watch him stare daggers at his brother. “Why not?” Trey throws his hands up, despite his fiancée’s attempt to get him to walk away. “You ruin everything. You always have. But fuck if anyone says anything to Decklan. Fuck you. I won’t walk on eggshells because it hurts you to admit what you did to Conner, what you did to all of us.” I can’t even process the statement before I see Decklan swing, his fist connecting with Trey’s jaw on a splintering crack. Trey stumbles backward, Anita immediately going to his aid. It takes him a few seconds to recover but when he finally straightens his posture and wipes the blood from his mouth, his focus goes to me not Decklan. “I don’t know what he’s told you or who you think he is but if you want my advice, get out now. You have no idea what this asshole is capable of. I promise you, it won’t end well for you.” His words send my frantic heart pounding violently beneath my ribs. A part of me wants to defend Decklan, to tell Trey he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but I think deep down a part of me believes his statement. A part of me believes that this will end and when it does, I’ll be the only casualty. “Come on.” Trey drops his arm around Anita, throwing one more vicious look towards Decklan before spinning around and walking away. It takes me a few seconds to shake off the shock of what just happened before I finally turn my attention to Decklan. His eyes are fixed on Trey who is now several yards ahead, the look on his face enough to scare even me a little. “Decklan,” I say softly, gently resting my hand on his forearm. He jerks away the moment the contact is made, spinning around to pin his wild eyes on me. “Didn’t you hear him?” he spits, stepping backward. “You need to stay away from me, Kimber.” “Don’t do that,” I get out weakly. “Don’t do what, admit he’s right?” “Don’t push me away.” I hate how desperate my voice sounds. “Why not? You heard my brother. I’ll only end up hurting you.” “I don’t believe that,” I object. “Well believe it, Kimber, because every fucking word he said is the truth. I fucking destroy everything, everyone who gets close to me.” “You’re only saying that because you’re upset.” I try to keep my voice calm, knowing if I get angry it will only further worsen the situation. “I’m saying it because it’s the fucking truth.” His words tear through the air, their intensity causing me to take a step back. “Fuck, Kimber.” He sighs, his voice dying down to just above a whisper as if he’s admitting defeat. “Go home.” He meets my gaze with a pained expression. “Just go home.” He turns without another word and walks away, leaving me standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

I watch as he gets further and further away, torn between whether or not I should go after him or leave him be. I’ve never seen him upset, and to say I know how he would react if I went after him is far from true. It isn’t until he has completely disappeared from view that the reality of the situation seems to kick in. Spinning, I take off in the direction of the parking lot where his bike is, praying I can get there before he leaves. It doesn’t matter what Trey said or even what Decklan said for that matter. I know him. Deep down I do. And I know he would never intentionally hurt me. Tonight was proof that there’s so much more to Decklan than he lets people see. Behind his bad boy persona, the booze, motorcycles, and women, lies a man that wants more. I just don’t think he knows how to be that man just yet. No matter what caused this rift between the two brothers, no matter the past, I’m not giving up on Decklan. He may be willing to just walk away without a fight, but I’m not so easily deterred from what I want. And right now all I want is him.

Chapter Seventeen Decklan The nearly two-hour drive back to Portland does nothing to calm the anger that has been boiling inside of me since my confrontation with Trey. His words, the way he looked at me, you’d think I’d be used to it after all these years but time hasn’t lessened the effect his hatred has on me. It’s one thing to hate myself. It’s another thing entirely to have my only remaining sibling, someone I was extremely close to for most of my childhood, look at me with such disgust. Then there’s Kimber. I feel like such an asshole for just leaving her like that. She has nothing to do with any of this, yet I punished her as if she were somehow to blame. I drop my helmet just inside the back door and immediately head for the bar. There’s only one thing I want right now and that’s to wash away tonight’s events with a nice bottle of whiskey. Thankfully the bar is pretty dead. The last thing I want to do is deal with fucking people right now. Sliding into a barstool at the end of the bar, I signal Matt who appears in front of me within moments, a glass in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. He knows me well. “You look like shit,” he observes, filling the glass to the rim before sliding it towards me. “Rough night?” “You could say that,” I grind out, draining the liquid in one long gulp. “And no, I don’t want to talk about it.” “Didn’t think you did,” he interjects. Leaning forward, I snag the bottle of whiskey from his hand, gesturing for him to go. “I’m good here,” I say, refilling the glass in front of me. Matt gives me a stiff nod before turning and walking away. Emptying the contents of the glass once more, the familiar burn finds its way into the pit of my stomach. It seems to settle nicely there between my anger and regret. **** “Decklan.” A faint familiar voice breaks into my fog. “Decklan.” The voice gets louder. Lifting my head slowly from the bar, I spot Gavin just seconds before he slides down into the barstool next to me. It takes a moment for his face to come completely into view. I blink rapidly trying to clear my blurry vision. “What the fuck man?” He seems irritated though I’m not sure I understand why he would be. Tack it onto the list I guess. “What?” My voice catches in my throat just as a sharp pain shoots through my temple causing me to groan in discomfort. “What the fuck are you doing here?” His question prompts me to look around at the brightly lit empty bar around me. “It’s nine o’clock in the morning.” He answers my question without me having to ask it.

“Matt text me and said he left you here. Apparently he tried to get you to go upstairs, and you gave him a fat lip for his efforts.” “Fuck.” I sigh, trying to piece together even a semblance of what happened last night. “What’s going on, Deck?” His tone falls serious. “Nothing.” I sway slightly when I attempt to stand. “Don’t fucking lie to me, dude. I’ve known you for far too long. Getting so drunk you punch one of our employees and then pass out with your head down on the bar is not your style. So try again.” He swivels his stool to face me when I finally manage to successfully plant both of my feet on the ground and push up into a stand. “Did something happen with Kimber?” he asks. For some reason his question sends anger rushing through me, seeming to pull me from my haze. “Why would Kimber have anything to do with this?” I spit, my hard gaze focused directly on Gavin. “Because my mom said you stopped by and picked up the key to the gallery; I just assumed you were taking her there.” “I did,” I admit, not offering up any more information. Truth is I am still trying to sort through what happened myself, my mind still tainted by the traces of last night’s whiskey. “And what happened?” He pushes for more. “Nothing fucking happened. I took her to the gallery, I came home.” “And proceeded to drown yourself with almost an entire bottle of whiskey?” he questions, narrowing his gaze at me. “Why don’t you tell me what really happened and stop acting like a pussy?” “Fuck you, Gavin. I don’t have time for this bullshit.” I turn, sliding behind the bar to get a glass of water, my throat feeling like I spent last night drinking battery acid. Taking a long drink, the cold crisp liquid seems to clear my head slightly, and I go in for another drink before I finally speak again, my gaze turned downward instead of at Gavin. “We ran into Trey.” I take another long drink before depositing the empty glass into the sink. “I think that about sums it up.” I finally turn towards Gavin whose features have relaxed; understanding clear on his face. “And what did big brother have to say this time?” He leans back, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “The usual.” I know I don’t need to give him any more detail. He already knows the sort of shit Trey spews at me every time he has the misfortune of seeing me. “Only this time I took a shot at him. I think he will reconsider next time he wants to shoot off that fucking mouth of his.” “You hit him?” Gavin seems surprised, knowing how much shit I have taken from Trey in the past and not once having put my hands on him before. As much as I loathe Trey and everything he claims to stand for, at the end of the day he’s still my brother and the only one I have left. As good as it felt to finally just lay his ass out, it felt equally as bad. “He was running his fucking mouth in front of Kimber. I don’t need her being drug into my bullshit. Besides, it’s my business. He has no right spewing that shit in front of whoever the fuck he feels like.” “So did you tell her then? I mean, she must have had some questions.” “Fuck no.” I shake my head adamantly. “Why would I?” “Well she is your girlfriend, isn’t she? Isn’t that the kind of thing you share with someone you’re dating?” “We’re not fucking dating.” My tone goes hard. “Besides, after last night, I doubt she’ll ever want to see me again.” “Why is that?” He arches an eyebrow at me.

“Because I told her to stay away from me and then proceeded to leave her stranded a good thirtyminute walk from her dorm.” My stomach twists tightly at the thought of her walking that distance by herself after dark, probably confused as hell. “What? Why the fuck would you do that?” Gavin pushes against the bar. “Because it’s what I needed to do.” “What the fuck does that mean?” he spits, clearly pissed off at me though I’m not entirely sure why. “I’m not good for her Gavin. She deserves better than what I can give her.” The truth rips from my throat and seems to settle over us like a heavy weighted fog. “Why do you do that? Why do you let Trey get into your fucking head and convince you that you aren’t deserving of happiness?” He finally speaks after several long moments of silence. “Because I don’t deserve to be happy. Don’t you get that? I fucking ruin everything.” “You choose to ruin everything. No one is standing in your fucking way but you. Fuck, Deck. Get your fucking head out of your ass and look around. That girl is changing you, in ways even I didn’t think possible. And now, just like you always do, you’re going to fuck that up too and then spend the next however many years blaming your past on why you can’t be happy now. Conner is dead, Decklan, you’re not,” he spits, pushing out of his stool. “Don’t you fucking talk about Conner,” I warn, pointing my finger in his direction. “What are you going to do about it, Deck? Punch me, too? Bring it on. If that’s what you need to do to fucking move past this shit, then do it. You think we all didn’t lose something in that accident? Everyone loved Conner, you know that. And he wouldn’t want this for you, you know that, too. He died and you lived, don’t fucking waste that.” “Careful,” I warn, feeling the control of my anger starting to slip. “Fuck you,” he snarls. “I’m your fucking best friend, Deck, hell I’m your brother. It’s my duty to tell you when you’re being a fucking prick, and right now you’re really starting to grate on me. I get that you’re hurting and that shit has been rough for you, I’ve been there through it all. Remember? But that doesn’t mean I am going to just sit back and watch you self-destruct over your own damn bullheadedness. You have a chance to be happy, dude, to build a life. Why are you so hell bent on fucking that up?” “I think you’re putting too much stock into one girl,” I object, though deep down even I can’t deny the hold that one girl has on me. “Am I?” He cocks his head to the side. “In the past few weeks, I have seen you act and do things I never thought you would. For the first time since Conner’s death, I’ve seen you happy, and I mean fucking happy, Deck. Don’t shit on that.” “What now, you’re a fucking expert on happiness?” I let out a gruff laugh, somewhat amused by the thought. “No, but I am an expert on your pansy ass.” He smiles, the tension in the air all but vanishing in the matter of a few short seconds. “Now do me a favor and call that fucking girl. I think you might owe her an apology.” “I don’t know. I think I might have put a nail in that coffin,” I admit, finding it hard to believe she would ever want to see me again after the way I acted last night. “Well there’s only one way to find out,” he interjects. “Now, if you’re just about done wallowing in your own self-pity, you may want to consider going upstairs and washing away last night’s bottle. You look like shit.” “You’re just pissed that even after the night I had I’m still better looking than you.” I tilt my head back on a laugh. “Fuck you.” He laughs, stepping away from the bar. “I’ve got a few errands to run this morning. You good?” “I’ll live.” I nod, gesturing for him to go.

“Call Kimber,” he says, turning back to me just as he pulls the front door open. “We’ll see.” I make no promises, laughing when he rolls his eyes and disappears into the morning sun. Running my hands through my hair, I look around the bar trying to remember what the hell happened here last night. I have no recollection of punching Matt, which surprisingly I don’t feel that bad for, nor do I have any fucking clue how I managed to sleep all night on a stool with the glass bar as my pillow. I must have had a lot more to drink than I fucking realized... I replay the confrontation with Trey in my mind as I climb the stairs and push my way inside my apartment. I don’t know why after all this time I still let him get under my skin. I’ve heard the same shit from him for the last eight years now, yet it still has the same effect on me as it did back then. Then there’s Kimber. I can’t shake away the look of desperation on her face as she begged me not to push her away. The fucking image seems to be burned into the back of my eyes. Trey was right to warn her. She really should stay away from me. I know myself and I know there is no way I won’t hurt her, but fuck me I just can’t seem to let her go that easily. It’s easy to walk away in the heat of the moment, swearing you’re doing it for the right reasons. But when the darkness of the night fades and you’re faced with the reality of what you stand to lose, things aren’t always so crystal clear. On one hand, I want to do right by her. And I know the only way I can do that is to let her go. On the other hand, I want to be the selfish asshole I’ve always been and take exactly what I want until I no longer want it. My head and heart have never been so conflicted. The fact that I even have to think about it tells me that my feelings for this girl run a lot deeper than I’m ready to admit. Am I really so convinced that I will hurt her or is my underlying fear that she will actually be the one to hurt me?

Chapter Eighteen Kimber Raising my fist to the door, I knock several times, the impact causing the wood to vibrate against my hand each time it connects. I know he’s here, so I don’t give up when he doesn’t answer right away. Letting out a frustrated sigh, I prepare to knock again but then stop with my hand in mid-air when the door jerks open. I’m greeted by the dark gaze of Decklan who is now standing directly in front of me still damp from the shower, a towel hanging loosely on his hips. My mind goes blank for a long second, the drops of water sliding down his incredible torso enough to render me completely captive. It isn’t until he speaks that the fog seems to lift and my resolve slips back into place. “Kimber?” He seems surprised by my unannounced arrival. “Good to see you’re still alive,” I snip, pushing my way past him without waiting for an invitation. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks, closing the door before turning to face me. “Well, surely your cell phone must be broken. I mean, what other excuse would you have for abandoning me the way you did and then not even having the courtesy to answer the phone when I call just to make sure you got home okay.” I ramble, unable to hide my anger over this whole situation. I stewed all night about how to handle this before finally deciding that I would never be able to live with myself if I didn’t at least put myself out there and fight for what I want. Sure, I’m upset, angry, hurt, disappointed, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about Decklan, and I’m not prepared to let him go that easily. He opens his mouth to speak, but I don’t give him the chance to make any excuses. “Don’t,” I shake my head. “I had a lot of time to think on my walk home last night.” I narrow my eyes at him. “And you’re gonna listen to what I have to say whether you like it or not. You owe me that much.” “The floor is yours.” The crooked smile that pulls up one side of his mouth makes it damn near impossible for me to not crumble right here on the spot, but I refuse to let him distract me. “First, do not ever walk away from me like that again. Ever. I get that there is a lot I don’t know or understand about the relationship with your brother, but that gives you no right to take it out on me. Relationships are about being there for the other person. Friendships, marriages, that’s all they are. What kind of relationship is this if at every turn you are shutting me out?” I pause, gauging his reaction which remains unreadable. “Second, you don’t get to decide for me. If I choose to be with you, and I accept the risks that choice entails, then who are you to tell me otherwise? You decide for you, not me. If you don’t want this...” I gesture between the two of us. “If you don’t want me, then at least have the courage to say that and not try to play some martyr who is sacrificing himself for the girl.” “Look, I knew what I was getting into when I met you,” I continue. “You never lied to me about what this is, or about what I should expect from this. And I haven’t pushed you for more. You told me what you were capable of, and I accepted that knowing it probably wouldn’t last. But now...” Emotion clogs my throat. “Now things have changed.” I take a deep inhale and let it out slowly. “I no longer accept the original terms. I want more, Decklan, so much more. And if you tell me right now that you don’t, at least I

can walk away knowing I put myself out there and fought for what I wanted. But not saying anything at all would leave me with a life overflowing with regret, and I can’t live that way. I know this is unfair, and I shouldn’t demand things from you that you aren’t capable of giving me, but that doesn’t make me want them any less.” “Kimber.” My name is weak on his lips. “Please let me finish. I need to get this out before I lose my nerve.” I stop him, meeting his deep gray gaze. He gives me a brief nod, making no attempt to say more. “I’ve never met anyone like you before. You’re challenging, stubborn, and infuriating but also the most incredible person I have ever known. You have these moments where I swear you let me see you, really see you, for the man you are and not the man you let everyone believe you to be. I know you carry around a lot of pain and guilt. I may not know why, but it’s clear to anyone who actually takes the time to pay attention that it’s there. And I know that it’s eating you alive, and if you don’t find a way to deal with whatever it is, it will eventually consume you and then that man, the man I have come love, will surely disappear.” I see the surprise on his face, the way his eyes narrow in on mine at my words. “I’m in love with you, Decklan. I don’t how it happened or when, but I can’t fight it. I love you, and I want to be with you. And not just a casual hookup, I want us to be together; really together. I want to help you with whatever it is you’re fighting. I want you to know you’re not alone and that you have someone on your side.” I take a hesitant step towards him and then another, closing the gap between us to just a couple of feet. “I’m sorry if this is not what you want to hear. And I’m sorry to just show up and lay all this on you at once. But I love you, Decklan, and I won’t apologize for that. But I also understand if you don’t feel the same, and if that’s the case I will walk away and never bother you again. You have my word.” I fight back the thickness that forms at the base of my throat at the thought. “I want you, Decklan. I choose you. Baggage and all.” “And what do I get?” His features remain tight as he finally speaks, but there is a hint of playfulness to his tone. “Me,” I get out weakly on a shrug. I don’t have time to say more before Decklan is stalking towards me, his lips crashing down on mine silencing what I planned to say next. Those words, along with all other coherent thoughts, simply float into nothingness as Decklan’s mouth works skillfully against mine, kissing me so deeply and with so much hunger that it takes everything I have not to cower under his clear need for me. “I’m sorry.” He breathes against my lips, letting his towel fall away as he backs me towards the large circular support beam that stands in the center of the room. “I don’t deserve you.” He pulls back to slide my shirt over my head, his eyes heatedly taking in my bare torso. “Fuck me.” He dips his face, his lips finding the sensitive flesh just below my ear as his hands work effortlessly to free me of my pants. Only moments pass before I feel the cool stone of the beam against my back as Decklan lifts me, pinning me between it and him. “I want to feel you bare.” He groans, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. “Then do it,” I challenge, pulling back to meet his heated gaze. I’ve never had sex without a condom before and the thought of feeling Decklan inside of me with no barrier is too much for me to resist. I’ve been on birth control since I was seventeen so I know we’ll be okay, even if I was put on it for regulating my periods rather than to prevent pregnancy. “What?” He hits me with surprised eyes.

“I’m on birth control.” I place my hands on both sides of his face and pull his lips back to mine, feeling him smile against my mouth. “Tell me again.” He groans as he slides deeply inside of me, my legs locking tightly around his waist as he does. “Tell you what?” I pant, my body suddenly so overcome by the thought and feeling of him inside me with nothing between us. “That you love me.” He pants, working into a slow steady rhythm. My hands still at the back of his head, forcing his face up to meet mine. “I love you.” My words are breathy, the pleasure now coursing through every inch of my body nearly impossible to contain. “I love you, Decklan.” I lean down, panting the words against his lips as he slowly increases his speed. “Fuck. You feel so good around me.” He groans out, taking my mouth on a hard heated kiss as his once controlled movements become more frantic and rapid, our bodies clashing together with so much force it takes everything I have to hold my grip around him. “Decklan,” I cry out, feeling the familiar warmth spread through my lower belly as he pounds relentlessly into me. “Let it go, baby. Let me feel you.” His words send my climbing pleasure over the edge, the waves cascading through my entire body as I tremble uncontrollably around him. “That’s it. Oh Fuck,” he grinds out just seconds before I feel his release spill inside of me. The warmth of it spreads, the feeling unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. I drop my head onto Decklan’s shoulder, unable to contain the smile on my face. I know there are risks with having unprotected sex, but I trust Decklan, as naive as that sounds, and I can’t imagine another person I would want to share this experience with. “Did I hurt you?” He stills inside of me, his face dropping into the crook of my neck. “No,” I get out weakly, still trying to catch my breath. “You’re incredible, you know that?” He pulls back, hitting me with a wide smile. “So is that a yes?” I ask, leaning forward to lay a brief kiss to his lips. “To more?” he questions, his gaze softening. “To more,” I confirm. “I can’t promise you that things will turn out the way you want, Kimber,” he starts, my stomach knotting tightly at his words. “But I promise you there is nothing I want more in this world than you.” His smile widens when he sees the relief that must be clearly written all over my face. “Does this mean I get to call you my boyfriend?” I say jokingly, laughing when he curls his nose up playfully. “If I get to have you like this anytime I want.” He grinds against me, his erection still firmly inside of me. “Then you can call me anything you want.” He smiles, pressing his lips once again to mine. **** “So you have no siblings?” Decklan runs his fingers gently through my hair as I lay with my head propped on his firm chest. The sound of his heart thumps loudly against my ear and is probably one of the most incredible sounds in the world. “None,” I confirm. “I don’t think my parents’ ever really wanted children. I’m pretty sure I’m the one and only mistake they ever made.” “Anyone who views you as a mistake is seriously fucking damaged.” He laughs, his chest vibrating lightly beneath my cheek.

“I guess.” I sigh. “I think having a child was just something to make them seem more wholesome. My father is in politics. He was the Mayor of the town I grew up in for years before running for State Senate. Mom is his doting perfect wife with her perfect little friends who sit around drinking tea and organizing fundraisers, criticizing the way other people live. It’s pathetic.” “Do I sense some hostility?” “You sense more than just hostility.” I let out an exasperated laugh. “I love my parents’, don’t get me wrong, I just wish they trusted me enough to support my choices. They can’t accept things that don’t fit into their perfect idea of life. I don’t even know why they’re still together. My father clearly only keeps my mom around because she plays the role so well. I feel sorry for them honestly.” “Don’t,” Decklan whispers, dropping a kiss on the top of my head. “Don’t even give them that. They don’t deserve it. I understand you not wanting to cut them out of your life completely, but I think you’re right to keep them at a distance until they come around. You shouldn’t have to feel guilty about pursuing your dreams instead of someone else’s.” “Thank you,” I manage to get out, his comment meaning more to me than he probably realizes. “So what about your parents?” I ask, desperate to change the depressing topic that is my family life. “Well you’ve met my mom,” he says, my mind immediately going back to the second time I ever saw Decklan, when he joined his mom and brother for lunch at the diner I work at. “I didn’t really know my father very well,” he continues. “He skipped out on my mom when I was eight, and I haven’t seen or spoken to him since.” “That’s awful.” I’ve never understood how someone could just leave their children like that, and the thought breaks my heart a little for Decklan. “It was probably for the best.” I feel him shrug beneath me. “Besides, my mom seemed happier without him.” “Tell me about your mom, what’s she like?” I push for more, not sure if he will comply or not. “Well, she’s stubborn and bullheaded.” He laughs. “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” I interject, laughing when he playfully squeezes my side. “She also has a heart five times the size of a normal person. She cares very deeply for people in general, and she loves fiercely, especially her family.” His voice trails off. “Are you two close?” “We used to be.” “What happened?” I can’t help but ask. “We just... I don’t know, things just happened and I ended up moving out my senior year of high school.” “Is that when you stayed at the Porters?” I don’t balk at the vague answer he gives me, clearly able to see it’s not something he wants to talk about right now. “Yes,” he confirms. “Rosie and Tim always treated me like their second son. Hell, before I officially lived with them I practically lived with them already. They did more for me than I think any of them ever realized.” He falls silent for a long moment. “It must be nice, having a friend like Gavin.” I finally speak again. “It is,” he agrees. “Though sometimes I’d like to run him over with my motorcycle.” He laughs. “I wish I had friends like that.” “Well, first you’d have to buy a motorcycle.” He jokes prompting me to lay a swift smack to the top of his thigh. “Shut up.” I laugh. “Surely you had friends you were close to growing up.” He falls serious again. “Not really, no. I was too busy with my advanced classes, student council, piano and cello lessons, to really have time to devote to friends. I mean I had friends, just not the kind that stayed in touch after I

moved to Oregon.” I shrug. “What about your roommate; you two seem close?” “Harlee?” I question. “I mean, yeah I guess. I’m certainly closer to her than I ever was any of my friends back home. I got so lucky when I landed her as my roommate. Not many people could live with me.” “I don’t know. I think I could.” He laughs, shifting his body causing me to roll onto my back. Within moments he’s on top of me, settling between my thighs. “I wonder why.” I reach between us, my fingers closing down around his already hard erection. “That’s what I thought.” I smile knowingly, tightening my grip. “That’s not the only reason.” He smiles down at me. “You also make one hell of a sleeping partner.” He grinds into my hand. “I do?” I question playfully, confused by his statement. “You really do,” he confirms. “You barely move or make any sound at all. I had to check your breathing twice last night out of fear that I somehow fucked you to death.” “As if that is possible.” I can’t contain the laughter that bursts from my throat. “If it were I think we would have accomplished it by now,” he agrees, a wide smile on his impossibly handsome face. “We could always try harder.” I give him a heated look as I position the tip of his erection at my entrance. “Challenge accepted.” He groans, sliding deeply inside of me.

Chapter Nineteen Decklan “Good morning.” I drop a kiss on Kimber’s forehead when she opens her eyes and peers up at me sleepily. “Morning.” She smiles. “What time is it?” “Just after nine.” I push her wild hair away from her face. “That early?” she questions. “I feel like I could sleep for at least ten more hours.” She groans, rolling onto her side away from me, bunching the blanket up around her head. “We could do that.” I pull her backside flush with my body, dropping my face into the crook of her neck. “Or we could go get something to eat.” I kiss her soft skin, loving the way goosebumps spread across her flesh when I do. “Oh my God, food.” She groans. “I feel like I haven’t eaten in days.” “Well considering we’ve been holed up here for two days with nothing to eat but snack food, you kind of haven’t.” I laugh, kissing the bottom of her jaw. “What do you say we take a shower and then I take you to breakfast?” “I say that sounds amazing.” She smiles, turning in my arms as she pulls my face down to hers, her soft lips brushing gently against mine. **** “What time do you guys open?” Kimber glances around as we make our way through the empty bar. “Depends on the day.” I clasp my hand around hers, pulling her through the front door behind me before turning to lock it. “Usually, through the week, we open at five. It really doesn’t pay for us to keep it open through the day.” “That makes sense,” she agrees, taking my hand again when I offer it. “So where we are we going?” she asks, snuggling into my side, the morning temperature cool and crisp. “Well considering it’s too cold to throw you on my bike, how about we just head over there for coffee and bagels?” I nod my head towards the coffee shop/bakery across the street. “Oh my God, coffee sounds so good right now.” She shakes her head excitedly, pulling a huge smile on my face. My God, this fucking girl is too fucking beautiful for her own good. The way the light bounces off her blonde hair gives her a glow as she stands in the bright morning sun. Fucking breathtaking. Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I kiss her temple before quickly leading her across the street. Holding the door open the moment we reach the front entrance, I usher her inside. I hear Gavin’s voice boom through the small space within seconds of the door latching closed behind us, pulling my attention to the only occupied table in the far corner of the room. “He’s alive.” He laughs, grabbing the attention of Kimber as well.

It takes me a moment to realize he’s not alone and even longer to recognize the guy sitting across from him. “Paxton?” I don’t try to hide the surprise in my voice. “What the hell, dude, I didn’t know you were in town,” I say, making my way towards their table, dragging Kimber along with me. “It’s good to see you, Deck.” He stands, giving me a one-armed hug. “I actually got in yesterday. You didn’t answer your phone so I had to stay with this asshat.” He laughs, gesturing behind him to Gavin. “Fuck you, dude,” Gavin jokingly objects. “And who is this beautiful creature,” he asks, turning his attention to Kimber. “That’s the girl I was telling you about,” Gavin interjects before I can answer, smiling widely at Kimber who sinks slightly beneath the gaze of all three of us. “When Gavin told me a woman had finally reeled this one in, I didn’t believe it,” he says, smacking my shoulder. “I gotta say I see why now.” He gives her a warm smile and extends his hand to her. “Paxton Stewart.” “Kimber James,” she responds, reaching out to shake his hand. “Well, it is very nice to meet you, Kimber James.” He flicks his gaze towards me for a split second before focusing back on Kimber. “You, too.” She smiles, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear. “Paxton is one of our friends from high school. He moved to California a couple of years ago,” I explain to Kimber before turning back to Paxton. “How long are in town for?” “Indefinitely.” He smiles, running a hand through his dark hair. Out of all of us, Paxton has always been the diva of the group, always making sure his facial hair is well trimmed, his hair perfectly styled, and he never fails to sport the latest ‘in’ look. It’s good to see that some things never change. “You’re coming back?” I ask surprised, considering he hasn’t mentioned anything about moving back over the last few times I’ve spoken to him. “Yeah, it’s time,” he confirms. Not wanting to push the issue at the current moment, I give him an understanding nod and leave it at that. Paxton has had a rough couple of years and if anyone understands that it’s me. “Gavin said you guys could give me a couple time slots at the bar until I can nail down something more permanent,” he adds on. “Of course,” I agree. “Paxton plays one hell of an acoustic set,” I explain to Kimber. “Why don’t you two join us?” Paxton interrupts, gesturing to the table where Gavin is still sitting. “Let me grab us something to eat first.” I snag Kimber’s hand, giving it a firm squeeze. “Of course, I can imagine you’ve worked up quite an appetite.” Gavin laughs, raising his eyebrows suggestively at us. “You’re a dick.” I shake my head, spinning around and walking towards the front counter with Kimber fast on my heels. **** “So Paxton used to live here, why’d he leave?” Kimber asks, sliding her arm through mine as we finally exit the coffee shop an hour and a half later. “His mom got sick,” I explain. “Is she better now, is that why he’s back?” “She actually died five months ago.” “That’s awful.” Kimber tightens her grip on my arm. “It’s good that he’s back, though. This is home to him.”

“So then he was friends with you and Gavin growing up?” she asks. “More like family really. The three of us have been through a lot together.” “Can I ask you a question?” She peers up at me just as we stop at the front entrance of the bar. “Did you know Gavin slept with Harlee?” Her question catches me off guard. “He did?” I question, finding it odd that he wouldn’t tell me something like that if it actually happened. “A couple of nights after the Halloween party,” she confirms. “I had no idea,” I answer honestly. “She really likes him. Apparently the feelings aren’t reciprocated. He’s blown her off ever since.” “I don’t involve myself in that aspect of his life, Kimber,” I say, knowing that she’s likely looking for an explanation. “No, I know.” She shakes her head. “I just wasn’t sure if you knew about it.” “I didn’t.” I wrap my arms around her and pull her into my chest, dropping a kiss to the top of her head. “Do you really have to go home today?” I speak into her hair. “I have to work this afternoon.” She sighs. “What about tomorrow?” I ask, not quite ready to let her go just yet. “I have class until two and then I work the dinner shift.” She pulls back, hitting me with a mischievous look. “But we still have a couple more hours before I have to head back.” She raises her eyebrows suggestively. “I like the way you think,” I growl, dropping my mouth to hers. **** “What the fuck dude? Why didn’t you tell me you fucking slept with Kimber’s roommate?” I slide into a stool at the high top bar table where Paxton and Gavin are sitting having drinks. “Well hello to you, too.” He takes a long drink of his draft beer. “Where the fuck have you been?” “I had to drive Kimber home. Now answer the fucking question.” “I don’t tell you every girl I sleep with.” He leans back, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Yes, you do actually.” I shake my head. “You make it a point to make sure everyone knows.” “I do not.” He fakes innocence, looking to Paxton for backup. “Don’t look at me.” Paxton holds his hands up on a laugh. “If things are still the way they were when I left two years ago, which I’d say they are, then I’m only going to hurt your case.” “Whatever. Fuck you guys.” Gavin slams back the rest of his beer in one drink. “I need another beer.” He spins, storming off towards the bar. “What’s got his panties in a twist?” Paxton laughs, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table. “That’s a very good question,” I observe. “So Kimber huh?” Paxton pulls the conversation to me. “I gotta say, dude, I didn’t think you were capable of a relationship.” “Neither did I. I mean, it’s still pretty new,” I admit. “But this girl, I don’t know, dude, she’s different.” “I’m happy for you, man.” He clasps my shoulder. “Truly.” “I appreciate that.” I try to fight the smile that creeps across my face. “Man, you’ve got it bad.” He laughs, shaking his head at me. “I do,” I finally answer, not realizing how good it would feel to finally admit it out loud. “How’s everything else going? How’s your mom?” “She’s good. I don’t really see her that often, for obvious reasons, but she seems to be doing pretty well.” I nod at Gavin when he reappears, sitting a glass of whiskey down in front of me.

“And Trey?” Paxton continues. “Fucking dick hole,” Gavin interjects. “Boy things really haven’t changed have they? I mean other than the fact that Deck has gone and got himself pussy-whipped.” He winks, clearly just joking. “The anniversary of the accident is coming up soon isn’t it?” The serious change of conversation causes my whole body to tense. “Two weeks,” I confirm, raising the glass to my lips. I take a deep inhale before pouring the liquid into my mouth, the burn an instant relief from the panic and dread that has slowly started to creep its way into my throat. “I’ll have to stop out and visit the cemetery,” he continues. “I can’t believe it’s been eight years.” He shakes his head. “It’s crazy right?” Gavin tacks on. “Where has the time gone?” “No doubt. Feels like just yesterday when we would hide out in Deck’s basement and get stoned off our asses. Do you all remember how Trey used to always try to sneak down and bust us?” Paxton laughs. “God even then he was a tool,” Gavin agrees. “But you gotta admit we had some good times.” “That we did,” Paxton confirms. The guys continue to reminisce, reliving all the bullshit we used to pull as teenagers, but my mind is too preoccupied with the thought of what happened after all those memories to really enjoy the moment. Sure we had some fucking killer times, but those vanished along with almost everything else in the matter of one night. One night changed my entire life and ended another’s. No matter how much time passes, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move past it. The accident has defined who I am since the moment it happened. I tried to piece myself back together afterward but nothing ever felt the same. So instead of healing, I perfected my exterior; learned how to fake it so that no one had to suffer along with me. I had already caused enough pain, who was I to ask for relief? But now there’s Kimber; a bright light shining through my very dark tunnel. For the first time in eight years, I feel something beyond what I lost... I feel hope.

Chapter Twenty Kimber I swear I feel like class was never going to end today. This is the first time in four days that my schedule is clear enough that I can make the trip up to Portland tonight, and to say I’m excited is quite an understatement. I’ve been a bundle of anxious energy all day. “Kimber?” I freeze just feet from the front steps of my dorm building the moment the familiar voice washes over me. Turning slightly, the instant Garrett’s face comes into view my stomach bottoms out. “Garrett?” I question, confusion and shock clear in my voice. “What? What are you doing here?” I stutter over my words. He gives me a hesitant smile and takes a step towards me. “I’m sorry, Kim. When they said they were coming, I knew I had to come, too. I had to see you.” “They?” I question, my mind swirling. “My parents’? They’re here? In Oregon?” Even as I ask the question, I already know the answer. I can tell by the look on his face that I am spot on. “They want to see you.” He takes another step towards me, his hand coming to a rest on my forearm. “And what, you’re their little messenger boy?” I jerk away from his touch, anger boiling in my throat. “I’m here to help you, Kim.” “It’s Kimber!” I grind out. “Shit.” I step back, panic starting to set in. “Shit. Shit. Shit.” I run my hands through my hair, the thought of facing my parents’ in person the last thing I want to deal with right now. “Is that really necessary? People can hear you.” Garrett looks around before meeting my gaze again. “Do you think I care?” I snip. “You should.” His tone remains soft though I can tell by how tight his features are that it’s forced. “Well, I don’t.” “Who are you?” He stares back at me like he’s looking at a complete stranger. I guess to him I kind of am. He’s not used to this Kimber, the real Kimber. “Where are they?” I ignore his comment, pinning my eyes directly on him. “They’re staying at the Smithson Resort. They were hoping you would agree to have dinner with them tonight.” “So you really are the messenger then?” I’m surprised that I’m shocked but in a small way, I kind of am. “What’s in this for you?” I cock my head to the side. “What’s that supposed to mean?” His voice goes up a notch. “I’m here because I care about you.” “Bullshit.” I ignore the way his eyes narrow with disapproval at my language. “Kimber, be reasonable. I care about you, your parents’ care about you. It’s just dinner. It’s the least you can do after they’ve come all this way.” “After they’ve come all this way without telling me you mean?” “Please.” His tone softens. “One dinner.” “Fine,” I groan out, knowing there is no way I’m going to get out of this. If I refuse it’s likely my father will be the next to show up, and that’s the last thing I want.

“Perfect.” He smiles. “We have reservations at Watsons. Your father will send a car for you. Seven o’clock sharp.” “Seven,” I confirm, sighing loudly before spinning and walking away. **** “I’m sorry I had to cancel our plans.” I sigh into the phone. “It’s okay,” Decklan reassures me. “I think I can survive one more day.” “You think?” I laugh, adjusting the hem of my dark gray sheath dress. “It might be more than I can take.” His voice drops low. “I might just have to pay you a little unexpected visit. Seems to be the theme tonight.” “Yeah but the difference is your visit would be welcome.” “Would it now? Well in that case...” He laughs lightly. “Don’t make it worse,” I whine. “It’s bad enough that I don’t get to see you, now I have to endure my parents’ for the next few hours.” I purposely leave out the fact that Garrett is with them. I know it’s wrong of me to omit this information, but I just don’t have it in me to tell him that I will also be spending my evening with my exboyfriend who I dated for three years and is the only other man I’ve slept with. Besides, it’s not like I would ever go there again, even if Decklan wasn’t in the picture. “Why go then?” he asks curiously, interrupting my inner battle. “Because they’re my parents’.” I sigh. “I know things aren’t great between us, but a small part of me really wants to salvage what little of our relationship remains.” “I get that. I’m sure everything will be fine,” he reassures me. “Call me after.” “I will,” I say, clicking off the phone before dropping it into my lap. Looking out of the backseat of the town car my father sent to pick me up, I can’t help but wonder how my parents’ would react to me dating Decklan. Would they see the incredible man that I see or would they see only what they want to see; a man who lives in a bar, dresses in ripped jeans and leather, and drives a motorcycle? I can’t see them being very receptive to the idea, even if our relationship isn’t as damaged as it currently is. The thought makes me sad. They would be so quick to judge him for being different than them, and he would never have a chance to show them who he really is. “Ma’am.” The driver pulls me from my fog and I look up to see we have arrived at the restaurant. It’s only seconds before Garrett is pulling open the door and helping me out of the car, sure to kiss my cheek the moment I step up next to him. I do my best not to cringe under his touch as I take the arm he offers and allow him to lead me inside. My stomach is a ball of nerves as Garrett guides me through the restaurant. It’s elegant and far too fancy for my personal taste which means my parents’ probably absolutely love it. I guess none of the restaurants near campus were up to their standards which is why they chose a location over thirty minutes away. I finally spot my parents’, who are seated at a small intimate four-person table in the corner of the room. My mother sees me first, a tight smile forming on her thin lips as she stands. She looks exactly as I remember: her dark blonde hair pulled back in a tight bun, a navy suit dress and blazer covering her small frame. It’s strange how I’m just now noticing how much I look like my mother. We’re the same build, same height, same eye and hair color. It’s weird that I’ve never really noticed before. “Kimber,” she croons, pulling me into a weak hug like she’s afraid to touch me. “Mother.” I step back and give her a soft smile before nodding towards my father.

He looks like he’s aged five years in the four months I’ve been here; thick patches of gray hair pepper his temples and his eyes are lined with dark bags. He keeps his gaze firmly on me as I slide into the seat that Garrett pulls out for me directly across from him. “Well it’s good to see you’re still dressing appropriately,” he observes, unfolding his napkin as he lays it into his lap. “I am capable of dressing myself.” I try to keep the sarcasm from my voice, but it still seeps out thick and full of resentment. Thankfully our waitress appears before anyone can say anymore. It isn’t until several moments later after drinks are served and orders are taken that I find myself back in the spotlight of my parents’ glare. “So Garrett tells us the restaurant you’re working at is nice.” My mother speaks first, a desperate attempt to make small talk. “It is,” I confirm. “If you came home you wouldn’t have to work,” My father immediately interjects. “You would be able to focus on your studies instead of wasting your time serving others.” “I like my job. You speak as though it’s beneath me, and it’s not. I am no more special than the next person.” “You are, too.” His tone is low and warning. “You are my daughter.” “Biologically maybe,” I agree. “But in the way that it counts, no I’m not.” “How dare you, after all we’ve done for you.” “Will you two stop?” My mother objects. “This isn’t helping matters.” Garrett chimes in, distracting my father enough with talks of politics and re-election and we are at least able to make it through dinner without killing each other. It isn’t until after the plates have been cleared away and the realization sets in that sooner or later we are going to have to talk that my mother finally turns the conversation back to me. “Kimber, why don’t you tell us about your studies?” she suggests. “How are classes going?” It takes less than two minutes before my father is at it again. The moment I mention Art he’s off on another rant, talking about how I’m wasting my time and that my degree will never amount to anything. “Art is not an acceptable major; I’ve said this time and time again,” he objects. “Luckily it’s not up to you to decide,” I bite back. “Is this the way we raised you?” The look of disgust on his face as he stares back at me tells me everything I need to know; this is never going to work. “You’re never going to accept me for who I am, are you?” I question, cocking my head to the side. “You’re never going to stop trying to change me?” “Not until I’ve talked some sense into you; no,” he answers without hesitation. “Then we’re done here.” I stand, ignoring my mother’s protests to sit back down. Shoving away from the table, I am out of the restaurant and already several feet outside before Garrett’s voice catches up to me. “Kimber, wait.” I hear him say just moments before his hand clasps down on my forearm, spinning me towards him. “Get off of me, Garrett,” I bite, shaking his hand away. “Stop this. Come back inside,” he demands. “No.” The anger in my voice is enough to derail Garrett’s attempt at getting me to go back. “Okay. Okay.” He holds his hands up in front of himself. “At least, let me take you back to your dorm.” “I can find my own way.” I insist, knowing the car that dropped me off is long gone and my only other option is to call a cab, which I will gladly do if it means getting me the hell out of here.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Come on, I’ll drop you off,” he says, taking my elbow as he leads me towards the valet station. As much as I don’t want to sit in the car with Garrett for the next thirty minutes, I also know it’s my quickest way out of here and right now that’s all I want to do. I need to put as much space as I can between me and my father as quickly as possible. It’s only minutes before I am sitting in the passenger seat of Garrett's rental car, panic gripping at my chest as the reality of my situation sinks in. I’ve lost all hope of regaining any type of relationship with my parents’. There would be hope for my mother if not for my father. But she would never choose me over him, and he has clearly drawn that line. That’s it, it’s over. The thought of how completely alone I am in the world suddenly seems to settle over me like a thousand pounds of rubble, burying me beneath their weight. Garrett tries to talk to me, but I’m too lost in my own thoughts to really process anything he’s saying. After a couple of minutes, he eventually stops trying; the remainder of the car ride a silent one. When he finally pulls up outside of my dorm room and slows to a stop, I am so eager to escape the confines of the car that I am ripping open the door before he even has the car in park. Slamming it behind me, I’m crossing the space towards my dorm building within seconds. “Kimber, wait,” he hollers after me, but I don’t stop. I just need to get the hell away from all of this. “Kimber.” His voice sounds directly behind me just moments before his hand closes down around my bicep, jerking me to a stop. “Would you stop already?” he grinds out, spinning me to face him. “I know things didn’t go as planned tonight, and I’m sorry about that.” He releases my arm, his fingers gently gliding across the part he was just squeezing. “But I have something to say, and you need to hear it.” “Garrett don’t,” I start but he cuts me off. “I’m still in love with you, Kimber, that hasn’t changed.” “I’m sorry, I don’t feel the same.” “Yes you do,” he insists. “Look, you’re rebelling right now and you know your parents’ want us together, so that’s the last thing you want to give them. But forget about them for a moment and think about me, about us. I know you miss the way we used to be.” “That’s just it, Garrett, I don’t. I’m sorry.” I drop my tone, guilt creeping its way into the pit of my stomach. “I don’t believe that. You love me, Kimber. You know that as much as I do. You just need to remember how great we are together.” It seems like the seconds disappear between him closing in on me to the point where his lips meet mine. The moment the connection is made, I know it’s wrong. Every single thing about it feels wrong. “What are you doing?” I push at his chest. “I’m reminding you.” He dips his head again, only this time, I’m prepared and I turn my face to the side to avoid his kiss. It isn’t until I do, that I see him: Decklan. He’s standing just a few yards away, close enough that I know he can see me under the well-lit dorm entrance but far enough away that I doubt he grasps what is actually taking place. “Stop.” I push Garrett as hard as I can before spinning towards Decklan. I know the second I reach him what he’s thinking. Betrayal and anger line his features as he turns away and stalks towards his bike which is parked just feet away. “Decklan, wait.” I finally reach him as he climbs onto his bike and slides his helmet on. “It’s not what you think.” I pant, trying to catch my breath. “No?” He cocks his head to the side, his face hidden behind the visor of the helmet making it impossible to read his reaction. “Because to me it looks like you were making out with your ex-boyfriend

who you just happened to forget to tell me was here.” He fires the engine to life, drowning out my attempt to explain. “Decklan, please,” I yell over the noise, panic seizing my entire body as he backs out of the parking lot and speeds off on his bike without once looking in my direction again. A sob tears through my chest and I kick at the ground, furious that I even put myself in this position to begin with. Spinning I stalk back towards Garrett who has not moved from the spot I left him in. “Get out the hell out of here, Garrett.” I seethe, stepping directly in front of him. Without another word I rear back and swing, my hand connecting with his cheek on a loud smack that echoes through the night air. “And do not ever come back here again.” I ignore his expression of shock and confusion as I spin and quickly walk away.

Chapter Twenty-one Kimber “Decklan, it's Kimber. Please call me back. I can explain last night. I know what you’re probably thinking, but I can assure you it’s not at all what it probably looked like. Please.” I sigh into the phone, not sure what else to say. “Just call me.” I press the end button and drop my phone onto the bed, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hands. I’m exhausted, drained. I got very little sleep last night having spent most of it trying to reach Decklan. It’s been nearly twenty-four hours and he hasn’t answered even one of my calls or texts. I even get the run around when I call the bar. It’s beyond frustrating. If I had my own car I would probably have already driven to Portland myself. I’m just not prepared to pay a cab to drive me all the way there just to have him refuse to see me, which I get the feeling is likely what would happen. “No luck?” Harlee exits the bathroom, her wet hair knotted up in a large bath towel. “None.” I sigh. “I just don’t get it. Why won’t he at least give me the chance to explain?” “Put yourself in his shoes, girl. How would you feel if you showed up at the bar to surprise him and saw him kissing his ex-girlfriend which he purposely didn’t tell you was in town? Would you not think the worst?” Even I can’t argue with that logic. I know I need to just give him some time to cool off. But having him think the worst of me is eating me from the inside out. I need him to know the truth and not the version of truth he thinks is fact, but the actual truth. “Just give it some time. Decklan is crazy about you, anyone can see that. He’ll come around.” She flips her head over, rubbing the towel through her long blonde hair to soak up any excess water left over from the shower. “But what if he doesn’t?” I meet her gaze when she straightens her posture, dropping the towel onto the back of the desk chair. “He will,” she reassures me. “Trust me, I get how hard it is to just let things be. I’m experiencing a taste of that myself, but you can’t force this. You can’t make him listen to you if he’s not ready to.” “Still no word from Gavin?” I gladly change the course of the conversation, picking up on her hidden meaning. “Nope.” She shakes her head, running her fingers through her tangled hair. “I don’t think I will either. If he hasn’t reached out to me by now, I don’t think he will. I guess it was only a matter of time before someone gave me a taste of my own medicine.” She gives me a sad smile. “So where are you going tonight again?” I ask, having been in too much of a fog when she told me earlier to really retain the information. “Woodfire Grill.” She turns, grabbing the lotion from her nightstand. “I’d invite you but it’s not really a group thing.” “You’re going on a date?” I ask, honestly a little surprised considering she’s been so hung up on Gavin these past couple of weeks. “You remember Bryan?” she asks.

“The hot surfer guy from your English class?” I question, knowing exactly who she’s referring to. He’s only been following Harlee around like a lost puppy since the first week of classes. “That’s the one,” she confirms. “Well, he finally talked me into going to dinner with him.” “Good for you.” I smile. “He’s probably over the moon.” “He’s a sweetheart and totally hot. I don’t why I never really saw it before,” she admits. “Me either.” I agree. “Alright, I have to finish getting ready.” She grabs her makeup bag from the top of the dresser. “You good?” “I’m good,” I lie, giving her a forced smile. “Good.” She nods, disappearing back into the bathroom. **** It’s been almost a week... A week and still no word from Decklan. I have stewed, imagined the worst, and even resorted to drowning myself in a bottle of wine with Harlee last night. I’ve reached my breaking point. Decklan is going to talk to me whether he likes it or not. Pulling Angel’s car into the lot behind Deviants, I kill the engine and slide out, my stomach knotted so tightly I feel like I might vomit at any moment. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. Maybe because I know I’m not wanted here, or maybe it’s because this is so completely out of character for me that I don’t know how to reel myself in. Walking around to the front entrance, I let out a deep sigh when the door opens with no resistance. Knowing they don’t open for another fifteen minutes, I wasn’t sure if it would be unlocked. Taking another deep inhale I step inside, temporarily blinded by the dimly lit bar that is a stark contrast to the late afternoon sun. Blinking rapidly, it takes several long seconds before my surroundings come into view. I jump slightly when Val suddenly appears behind the counter, standing from her crouching position where she’s likely stocking the coolers that sit beneath the bar. “Kimber.” She spots me instantly. “What are you doing here?” Her tone is casual which makes me think she has no idea about what’s been going on which I use to my advantage. “I was just stopping in to surprise Decklan, is he home?” I ask, stopping directly next to the bar. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him. But you’re welcome to go check.” She gestures to the door that leads up to Decklan’s apartment. “If he’s up there will you let him know I need him to call Louie’s; they shorted us an entire case of top shelf.” “Sure.” I smile, knowing it’s probably the last thing I will think of if I actually get to lay eyes on him. “Thanks.” She nods, turning her back to me as she continues prepping the bar. Without another word I head up to Decklan’s apartment, my heartbeat increasing with each step I climb, feeling like it might pound out of my chest by the time I reach the top. I stop directly in front of his door, not sure if I have the courage to knock. I stare at the chipped wood for several long seconds before finally lifting my hand and rapping it gently against the door. I immediately hear footsteps as they cross the room, and my breath catches in my throat when I hear the lock click. This is it. There’s no going back now. Taking another deep inhale, I falter slightly when Paxton appears in front of me. “Kimber.” He makes no attempt to move out of the doorway or to invite me in. “It’s really not a good time.”

“Is he here?” I ignore his comment. “He is, but you don’t want to see him right now.” His voice is gentle, but I can tell by the look on his face how serious he is. “I think I’ll be the judge of that,” I say, stepping towards him, my attempts to get inside immediately thwarted when he stands firm in the doorway not allowing me to pass. “Trust me on this one, Kimber,” he warns. “He’s in a rough way right now, and there’s no reasoning with him when he gets like this.” “I appreciate the heads up; now move out of my way, Paxton.” I stand my ground, prepared to stand here all day if that’s what it takes to see Decklan. “Okay.” He steps back, holding his hands up. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He grabs his jacket from the hook next to the door and steps out of the apartment as I step inside. “Good luck. Who knows, maybe you can talk some sense into him,” he says, disappearing down the stairs. Confused by his cryptic warnings, I slowly close the door and turn to scan the apartment. I jump slightly when a loud bang sounds from the bathroom and the door flies open, a shirtless Decklan stumbling out, a nearly empty bottle of whiskey clutched in his fingers. “Decklan?” His name falls from my lips as I take in his state. The moment his eyes hit mine it’s clear to see what Paxton was talking about. His natural messy hair is an unruly mess of tangles, his facial hair is bushier than normal, and his incredible gray eyes have lost a bit of their luster, dark circles now lining them. He’s dressed only in a pair of jeans hanging loosely on his hips, his incredible toned body otherwise on full display. “What the fuck?” he slurs, clearly drunk, his staggered movements giving that away before he even opened his mouth. “What are you doing here?” He stumbles towards the couch, collapsing onto it the moment he reaches it. “You haven’t returned any of my calls; I didn’t really have any other choice,” I say, not moving from my place just feet from the door. “Perhaps that should have given you the hint.” He lifts the bottle to his lips and takes a long gulp. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” I ask, crossing the space towards him, gesturing to the drink in his hand. “I’ll decide when I’ve had enough,” he snaps, his tone harsher than I’ve ever heard before. “I still don’t even know why the fuck you’re here.” “Because I wanted to see you.” I hesitantly take a seat on the ottoman just a few feet from him. “I needed to apologize.” “I don’t want to hear it.” He avoids my gaze, dropping his head onto the back of the couch as he stares up at the ceiling. “Well you’re going to hear it whether you like it or not,” I bite, my frustration mounting. “Had you let me explain the other night, you would have known that Garrett pushed himself on me. I didn’t even kiss him back. Hell, I was trying to get him off of me. The only reason I was even with Garrett was because I was so desperate to get away from my father. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you he was in town, too. I see now how that looks, but you have to believe that I feel nothing for him. He’s out of my life, for good this time.” “I don’t care.” He meets my gaze, his eyes dark. “Really? You don’t care? Is that why you’re sitting here drowning yourself in a bottle of whiskey?” I lean forward, able to snag the bottle from his hand before he even has a chance to react. “What the fuck, Kimber,” he growls, struggling to get off the couch in time to stop me from dumping the remainder of the bottle into the sink. He reaches me just as I slam the now empty container onto the counter.“You realize I live above a bar right?” He grabs the bottle. “I’ll just fucking get more.”

He swings the bottle loosely between his fingers before throwing it forcefully across the room. It hits the far wall on a loud crash, the glass shattering against the exposed brick before scattering across the floor. “Are you kidding me right now?” I gape at him. “Do I fucking look like I’m kidding?” he challenges. “Why are you doing this?” I drop my tone, tears welling behind my eyes. “Because this is who I am.” His words are a warning. “This is the real me. You like what you see? Is this what you want?” He steps up directly in front of me, his whiskey breath hot on my face. “I want you, but not like this.” I meet his gaze, my hands coming to rest on his bare chest. “Well too bad,” he growls. “Is this really all about Garrett?” I call after him as he spins away from me. “This has nothing to fucking do with your stupid fucking pussy ass ex-boyfriend.” “Then why are treating me like this?” I ask, hating how weak my voice sounds. He stops in the middle of the living room and turns back towards me, his expression pained. “Because I can’t do this anymore.” “Why?” I plead for him to give me some sort of explanation. “Don’t you fucking get it?” His voice rips through the space of the room. “Seeing you with that asshole showed me that you have the power to hurt me.” “I’m sorry, that was never my intention,” I start. “It fucking hurt me because I’m in love with you.” His words break in the middle as he lets out a defeated exhale. “What?” I can feel the heat rush to my cheeks. “I love you, Kimber, and I can’t fucking love you.” His words feel more like an apology than a confession. “I don’t understand.” I take a couple steps towards him, but he steps away when I get too close. “I’m a fucking tornado, Kimber. I will rip through your life and destroy every single thing you love.” “I don’t believe that.” I shake my head. “Believe it,” he warns. “I always hurt the people who are closest to me the most. I could never forgive myself for hurting you.” “But you are hurting me,” I plead, wiping away a tear that escapes my eye. “It’s nothing compared to how badly I would hurt you if we don’t end this.” “Decklan, please.” “This is over, Kimber.” He breaks my gaze, crossing the room towards the front door. “You can’t do this. Being with you is my choice.” “And ending it is mine.” He rips open the door. “Decklan.” My voice barely breaks the surface as tears now flow freely down my cheeks. “Leave, Kimber.” “No.” I refuse. “I’m not going to just walk away, I can’t.” “You don’t have a choice. Now leave.” His tone is absolute. “I’m not leaving.” “I said get the fuck out!” he screams. The slur of the whiskey makes his voice sound so much more vicious than it probably would otherwise. “Now!” I jump when he screams again. “Please.” I am desperate at this point. Fear grips at my chest nearly paralyzing me on the spot. “So help me god, Kimber, if you don’t get the fuck out of my apartment I will remove you from it,” he threatens. “No, you won’t,” I challenge, tensing when he storms towards me, his hand closing down on my forearm as he pulls me through the room.

“Remember me like this.” He forces me onto the landing at the top of the stairs. “And don’t ever come back here again.” The door slams in my face before I have a chance to say anything. I stand in front of that door for what feels like an eternity, somehow trying to convince myself that this is all some kind of sick joke and that any moment he’s going to open the door and pull me into his arms. I wait for that moment, but that moment never comes. Convincing yourself of a truth that your mind refuses to believe is somewhat like falling into a nightmare. Deep down the only way you can cope with it is to make yourself believe it isn’t real. Only this is real...

I don’t remember leaving the bar, only the vague memory of someone saying my name as I stepped out onto the sidewalk stuck with me; the drive home’s even more of a blur. It’s like one minute I’m standing in front of Decklan’s door trying to convince myself none of this is real, the next I am in my dorm with no real recollection of how I got here. All I know is I feel like the walls are caving in around me and there is no way to survive the weight that is slowly suffocating me. I can’t breathe. I can’t think clearly. I feel like my heart is literally being torn from my chest, and I am helpless to stop it.

Chapter Twenty-two Decklan “You can’t keep doing this, dude. I’ve covered for you for over a week now, but I won’t continue to pull your weight.” Gavin stares back at me from across the bar, his tone serious. “I know you’re going through some shit right now, and I know what next week is...” He pauses, his gaze softening slightly. “Conner has nothing to do with this,” I object, slinging back the remainder of the drink in front of me. “Conner has everything to do with this,” he says, his face hardening, “and you’re a fucking idiot if you think he doesn’t.” “Watch it,” I warn. “You may be my best friend but that doesn’t mean I won’t fucking lay you out.” “Really?” He bites, his clear aggravation growing. “Is that how it’s going to be now? You’re just going to push everyone away this time, including me?” “I’m not pushing anyone away.” Even as I say the words I know deep down they aren’t true. Isn’t that exactly what I did to Kimber? Pushed her away? I still can’t shake the way she looked at me when I forced her to leave my apartment. I don’t think a look has ever fucking gutted me the way that one did. “You do this every year. Every year when it gets close to the anniversary of the accident you shut down. I’ve come to expect it, Deck. But this is extreme, even for you. You can’t just hole yourself up in that apartment and drink yourself to death. You have friends, a business, and last time I checked a beautiful girl, for reasons unknown to me, who is fucking crazy about you.” “I doubt she’d agree with you there,” I mutter, not meeting his gaze. “Because you fucking discarded her like a piece of fucking trash, Deck.” He sighs, running his hands through his hair on a sigh of frustration. “The first girl, dude, the first girl to ever pull you out of the dark fog you’ve been living in for the past eight years and this is how you treat her?” “Leave it alone, Gavin.” I try to keep my voice controlled. “No. Look at you. You’re fucking miserable. You love that girl and instead of being with her, you’re sitting here drowning yourself in the bottom of a bottle. How does that make any sense?” “Don’t fucking pretend like you have any room to talk.” I glare back at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He hits me with a confused expression. “Don’t you think I know why you never told me about Harlee?” I question. “You didn’t want me to know because deep down you have feelings for her. But instead of doing something about it, you ran.” “Feelings for her? I don’t even fucking know her,” he spits. “What a cop out.” I shake my head. “At least I have the fucking balls to own my shit. You’re just a fucking coward.” “And what do you call this, Deck?” He gestures towards me. “Bravery?” His words drip with sarcasm. “Numbing yourself with whiskey while you push away the only girl who you’ve ever really cared for? I think you’re the fucking coward.” “Fuck you, Gavin.” “Fuck you.” He spits back at me. “This shit has gone far enough.” “What the fuck are you talking about?” My voice echoes around us.

“You. This incessant need you have to punish yourself. You can’t keep blaming yourself for Conner. You can’t keep pushing away everyone who cares about you. It’s fucking selfish.” “I can do whatever the fuck I want.” His comment has my anger hanging on by a mere thread. “You know what, you’re right. But where the fuck are you going to be in five years, hell in ten years for that matter? I’m all about drinking and having a good time, but this isn’t what that is, Deck.” “This is my life and it’s none of your fucking business, Gavin. Leave it alone,” I growl, snagging the bottle in front of me before tilting it over, watching the golden contents splash into my glass. “None of my business?” He looks at me like he’s in disbelief. “None of my fucking business,” he repeats, shaking his head slowly side to side. “That’s what I said,” I confirm coldly. “So I guess the fact that I co-own this bar and am doing all the work is none of my business. The fact that I am your best friend, and I’m watching you spiral down a dark hole I’m not sure you will be able to find your way out of, is none of my business. The fact that my brother, my family, is throwing away his chance to be happy, I guess that’s none of my business, too.” He snags the bottle from the bar and drops it onto the back counter. “You’re fucking killing yourself, Deck.” He seethes, staring daggers at me. “Good,” I snap, pouring the contents of the glass down my throat before slamming it onto the bar. “Get your shit together or I’m cutting your ass out,” he threatens. “You can’t do that.” I let out a dark laugh. “Like hell I can’t. The lease of this building is in my name. The business loan is in my name.” He reminds me. “I don’t want to do this with you, Deck, I really don’t. But I also won’t continue to do all the work while you drink yourself fucking stupid. Get. Your. Shit. Together.” He emphasizes each word. “Or I’m done. I’ve spent enough of my life picking your ass up, it’s time you learn how to do it yourself.” “Fuck you,” I spit. “Cut me out. See if I fucking care.” Standing, I shove the bar stool violently, letting it crash to the floor before spinning and walking away. Gavin yells after me, but his voice is muffled and fogged by the liquor running through my veins and the amount of distance I have already put between us. Shoving my way outside, I immediately reach for the pack of cigarettes that are shoved into the front pocket of my jeans, dropping the pack twice before finally managing to get a cigarette out. Pressing it between my lips I light it, taking a deep inhale as I slide down onto the curb that sits just feet from the front entrance of the bar. Who the fuck does he think he is? Anger seethes through my blood, my hand shaking slightly as I lift the cigarette to my lips and take another deep inhale. “It’s a bit early isn’t it?” I hear a soft voice behind me. I turn to the left just in time to see a petite red head slide down next to me. “Aubrey,” I say, surprised that I even remember her name. I’d say the main reason I do is because she is the last person I slept with before Kimber. “What are you doing here?” I turn my face forward, taking another hit of my cigarette. “I just finished meeting my sister for lunch.” She gestures across the street. “What about you? What are you doing out here?” “What does it fucking look like?” I bite, ignoring the sharp inhale that sounds from her mouth at my words. “Everything okay?” She rests her hand against my back, my body going ridged beneath her touch. I barely know this girl. I don’t know why she feels like she has the right to push her way into my shit. Just because I fucked her doesn’t mean were friends. “Fucking perfect.” I blow out a stream of thick smoke.

“Yeah I can tell.” She laughs nervously. “You need a shoulder?” she tacks on. I know her game. I can tell by the way her hand slides across my back that she would like to be much more than a shoulder, and honestly, I’m considering the notion myself. The thought of burying myself inside her tight little body and forgetting this fucking life for a few minutes sounds more appealing than I expect it to. I would say the whiskey plays a huge role in that thought process, but I don’t have it me to care. “Just a shoulder?” I turn my gaze towards her, watching the way her eyes darken as she bites down gently on her bottom lip. “Or whatever else you need.” Her voice drops low. “Fuck it.” I flip my cigarette into the street before standing, pulling Aubrey up with me. She’s all too eager to follow me inside the bar and as much as I know I shouldn’t be doing this, a part of me feels like maybe I need to. Maybe if I fuck someone else I will be able to forget about Kimber. Just the thought of her name causes a tight knot to settle into the pit of my stomach. Shaking it off, I ignore Gavin’s eyes on us as I lead Aubrey through the door that goes up to my apartment, dragging her up the stairs behind me. I don’t fucking care what he thinks; he has no right to fucking judge anyone. Throwing open my door, Aubrey is on me before I even step over the threshold. I stumble backward slightly into the apartment, swallowing down the sick feeling that creeps into my throat when her lips connect with mine. I try to push it away, shake off how wrong it feels to kiss her but I can’t. It only gets worse as she unbuttons her shirt and drops it to the floor, her hands skirting across my stomach as she reaches underneath my t-shirt. Backing her into the support beam that runs through the middle of the room, my mind immediately flashes to the last time I pinned Kimber against it, how I felt her bare around me, the way her body trembled beneath my touch. Breaking away from Aubrey’s mouth, the moment my eyes trace her across her flesh, I reach down and stop her hands from unzipping my pants. “What’s wrong?” She pants, dropping her mouth to my neck. You’re not her, is all I can think but refrain from saying. “Stop,” I say, my voice lost somewhere in my throat. “Stop,” I repeat more forcefully, grabbing her shoulders to hold her firm as I take a step back. “Just stop.” I pant, furious with myself for even considering doing this or even thinking that I could for that matter. Everything about this feels wrong. Fuck me. Here I have a beautiful girl throwing herself at me, one I know is a good fuck, and I can’t even fucking get hard. I can’t kiss her without thinking of Kimber’s lips. I can’t look at her without thinking of Kimber’s body. While this girl may be attractive, she has nothing on the woman who controls my body and my heart. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” I take another step backward, not missing the hurt expression that crosses her features. “Seriously?” Her tone shifts from soft and sweet to angry in the matter of a second. “You should go.” I reach down, retrieving her shirt from the floor. Extending my hand out, she looks down at the article of clothing and then back up to my face not trying at all to hide her confusion. She opens her mouth to speak but then snaps it closed, clearly deciding against whatever it is she wants to say. Snagging the shirt from my hand, she’s out of the apartment before she even has it all the way on, slamming the door violently behind her.

I stare at that door for what feels like an eternity, my inebriated state causing me to fixate on that one object. I can still hear Kimber’s voice, the way she pleaded with me not to do this as I forced her out of that very door. I pushed her away...just like I’ve pushed everyone away. I find clarity in the moment, as if somehow the fog has temporarily been lifted and I can see clearly for the first time in a very long time. I think about Conner, about the accident, about how badly I wanted to switch places with him, about how badly I still do. I think about my mom, how she could barely look at me for weeks following the accident. Over and over the moments play through my mind, stirring emotions inside of me that I have long since kept buried. Emotions that I feared would consume me if I gave into them. Kimber is the only thing that has ever given me any kind of peace; a bright light that cut through the thick darkness I buried myself in for years. She’s the only thing that makes any sense to me anymore. I was so focused on not hurting her that I couldn’t see just how badly I was hurting her. I just don’t know if that’s something I can come back from. I don’t even know if I could bring myself to try. Gavin’s right, I’m miserable without her but that doesn’t change the fact that I will never be the kind of man that deserves her love. Letting her go is the only way I know how to show her just how much she means to me. I want more for her, better. No matter how badly I want her, deep down I know I did the right thing. I choose to put her happiness over my own. I just hope one day I can find a way to live with that choice.

Chapter Twenty-three Kimber “Are you gonna get that?” Harlee hollers from the bathroom as I sit cross-legged on top of my bed, trying my best to focus on the dry reading material of my textbook and not on the rapid knocking that has been sounding against our door for the past thirty seconds. “It’s your date, why do I have to get it?” I whine, hating how pathetic I sound. “Please, Kimber, I’m not ready,” she pleads through the closed door. “Fine.” I huff, pushing up off the bed. I adjust my black leggings and pull down my long gray sweater before taking one quick look at myself in the mirror. Considering I’ve been holed up in here all afternoon studying, I don’t look half bad. Well, other than the fact that my hair is tied up in the messiest bun ever and you can clearly see traces of dark circles under my eyes from my inability to sleep. Letting out a deep sigh, I shake away the thoughts of Decklan that immediately creep into my mind. It’s been nearly a week since I last saw him. I wish I could say it’s gotten easier but if I’m being truthful, it’s actually gotten much worse. “I’m coming,” I yell when the rapid knocking starts again after just a few seconds. Crossing the space of the room, I rip open the door, only half looking at who’s on the other side considering Harlee is expecting Bryan. It takes a few seconds for my brain to register that’s not who it is, and I immediately do a double take. “Gavin?” I question, taking a step backward into the room as he pushes his way inside. “Harlee is busy,” I say, assuming that’s why he’s here. “This isn’t about Harlee.” He closes the door before spinning towards me, his blue eyes filled with concern. “It’s about Decklan.” The mere mention of his name sends my heart galloping inside my chest and causes the sickest feeling to knot in the pit of my stomach. “Decklan?” I barely get his name out, the last part catching in my throat. “Look, I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t think it was the only way,” he says, apology lining his features. “What is it?” I blurt, wishing he would just spit it out already. “Is Decklan okay?” Fear cripples my insides. “He’s fine, physically anyways.” He sighs, running a hand through his short brown hair. “Emotionally, well let’s just say I’ve never seen him so low. He’s barely left his apartment in a week, he’s completely dropped all of his responsibilities at the bar, and at the rate he’s going he will have eliminated our entire stock of whiskey by week’s end. I know he’s pushing you away, hell he’s pushing everyone away, it’s what he does. But I need you to not let him. If he succeeds in losing you, I’m not sure he’ll recover.” I open my mouth to respond but before I can get a word out Harlee emerges from the bathroom, the wide smile on her face immediately fading when she sees it's Gavin in our room and not Bryan. “What the hell are you doing here?” she bites, her harsh voice not hiding the glimmer of excitement that lights behind her eyes.

“I’m here for Kimber.” His voice remains clipped as he does his best not to look at her, only throwing her a brief glance before turning his attention back to me. “As I was saying, I need your help,” he continues. “What’s going on?” Harlee immediately interjects, crossing the small space towards me. “This doesn’t have anything to do with you.” He finally meets her gaze, his forehead creasing in frustration. “The hell it doesn’t,” she snaps. “Kimber is my friend. If there’s something going on, I have the right to know.” “It’s fine,” I interject, pulling Gavin’s attention back to me, gesturing for him to continue. “Look, I can’t explain everything.” He lets out a loud exhale. “There’s something you don’t know about Decklan, something he’s chosen to keep from you. In order to understand what you’re dealing with, I feel like you need to know the whole story.” “Okay...” I draw out, waiting for him to continue. “Can I explain on the way?” he asks, surprising me. “On the way to where?” I question, not trying to hide my confusion. “To the cemetery.” He steps towards the door, tearing it open. “The cemetery?” I stutter. “Where Decklan’s brother is buried. Now can we go?” he asks impatiently from the open doorway. I don’t try to hide my surprise over his statement. I didn’t know Decklan had a brother that died, though now that I think about it, it makes sense. The comments Trey made, the way Decklan would shut down when I tried to find out more about his family, the rift that was so clearly preventing him from having any kind of real relationship with his mom. I can’t deny that a part of me feels very hurt that he didn’t feel like he could share something like this with me. Then again, in a way I kind of understand why he didn’t. “I’m coming, too.” Harlee breaks into my thoughts, grabbing her jacket from the hook next to the door. “It’s not up for discussion.” She stops Gavin before he can object. “What about your date?” I question, stepping into my boots before sliding my own jacket on. “Date?” I can tell by the expression on Gavin’s face he doesn’t mean to say it out loud. It’s clear Harlee can see that as well. She looks at him for a long moment before finally turning her attention back to me. “I’ll text him in the car, it’s fine. No way I’m gonna let you go alone.” “She’s not alone.” Gavin waits until we are both in the hall before pulling the door closed. Ignoring his comment, Harlee links her arm through mine, clearly seeing that I need the additional support right now. I’m already a mess from the last couple of weeks, now to have Gavin show up so out of the blue and tell me Decklan is in some kind of trouble, my poor mind is having trouble keeping up. We reach Gavin’s truck that’s parked just outside the dorm building in no time. Harlee insists that I ride in the middle so she doesn’t have to sit next to him. The tension between these two is off the charts. Even in my fog-like state, I can see it plain as day. I wait until Gavin has pulled out of the parking lot and is speeding down the road before finally pinning my eyes on the side of his face. “Now are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?” I ask, feeling like I might split apart from the anticipation of not knowing what he’s going to say or how it may or may not change the way I feel about Decklan. It’s clear that whatever it is, it’s bad. Otherwise, Gavin wouldn’t be so hesitant to tell me, and Decklan wouldn’t have chosen to keep it from me for that matter. My stomach flutters with nerves as Gavin opens his mouth and starts to speak. He gets only five words out before I stop hearing him. A rush of emotion hits me like a tidal wave, pulling me under its

crippling weight, inhibiting my ability to hear, to breathe, to process the information I’m being presented with. I never knew heartbreak until Decklan forced me out of his life. But now...now I know heartbreak beyond my own. Because right now my heart is breaking all over again, only this time, it’s breaking for Decklan, not because of him. **** By the time we reach the cemetery the sun has almost set, a low orange glow now filling the evening sky. Gavin tells me where I can find Conner’s grave but says he thinks it’s best if he and Harlee hang back. My heart is beating so loudly against my rib cage as I make my way through the cemetery, I swear even the dead can hear it. I finally spot Decklan along the back row of grave sites, my feet faltering the moment I see him. He’s sitting on the ground, his knees pulled into his chest, his head down. It takes everything I have to force my legs to work, to make my body move towards him. “Decklan?” I stop just a couple feet behind where’s he sitting in front of his brother’s headstone; Conner Roderick Taylor January, 3 1994-November 29, 2008 scrawled across the front in the perfect font. Today’s date... November 29. His shoulders tense the moment my weak voice registers, but he doesn’t turn to face me. Several long silent moments pass between us; him unable to speak, me too afraid to move any closer. “What are you doing here?” When his voice finally filters through the silence, it’s broken and riddled with emotion. It would be enough to break my heart again if it wasn’t already splintered into a million different pieces. “Gavin.” I know he doesn’t need any additional explanation. “He’s worried about you.” “He doesn’t need to be.” His response is cold, distant. “I’m worried about you,” I add. “Please don’t.” I can hear the emotion clog his throat, and it takes everything I have to remain at a distance. “Tell me what happened. Tell me about Conner.” I take a couple steps forward, stopping just a foot behind him. “Tell me, Decklan,” I request softly when he makes no attempt to answer me. “He was a great kid.” His voice breaks in the middle. “He was three years younger than me, only fourteen.” He stops abruptly, his shoulders trembling slightly. “Keep going.” I slide down next to him, my eyes focused on the stone in front of us. “He used to follow me everywhere.” He finally continues after a long moment. “He always had to tag along no matter what I was doing. I used to hate it.” He lets out an emotion filled laugh. “I remember just wishing he would leave me the hell alone.” “Tell me what happened to him, Decklan.” I finally chance a peek in his direction, my stomach bottoming out the moment I register his flushed tear-stained face. It’s one thing to see a man cry, it’s something else entirely to see a man like Decklan cry. Tears immediately form at the back of my eyes, and I blink rapidly trying to will them away. He wipes at his cheeks with the back of his hands, his gaze remaining firmly in front of him. Every fiber of my being wants to wrap him in my arms and comfort him, but I refrain, knowing right now it would likely make things worse. “I tried to get him to stay home. I told him he was too young for the type of shit that went on at Paxton’s parties, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I could never hold my ground with that kid.” He

smiles, but it’s a painfully gut-wrenching combination of happiness over the memory of his brother and devastation over what he knows comes next. “I was fucking with the radio. I should have seen the stop sign. I’d driven that road hundreds of times before, I knew it was there, yet somehow on that night, I ran straight through it. A truck approaching from the right hit the passenger side of my car going around fifty miles an hour according to the police report. I don’t remember it. I don’t remember anything. Just the crack of my head on the driver’s side window and the sound of shattering glass and crunching metal.” He takes a deep shaky breath, clearly trying to hold himself together. “When I woke up there were people everywhere. Voices filtered all around me, but I only recognized one: my mother’s.” A pained sob escapes his throat, a fresh onset of tears falling down his cheeks. “She was on her way home from work and came upon the accident. She recognized my car I guess. I don’t really know. All I remember is hearing her scream. It was loud. That’s when I knew.” “I killed him, Kimber.” He turns his tear-filled bloodshot eyes on me, the pain behind them almost more than I can bear. I don’t realize I’m crying too until he reaches over and gently brushes my cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. The gesture only makes me cry harder. Even in this very vulnerable moment, he’s still worried about taking care of me. “You can’t blame yourself.” My words are weak and broken. “But don’t you see, it’s my fault. It all could have been avoided. Conner is dead because of me.” He drops his hand away from my face, turning back towards his brother’s grave. “I have nothing left, nothing but his fading memory and the fucking headaches that refuse to let me forget what I’ve done.” “I’m so fucking sorry,” he cries, dropping his head down as sobs rack through his entire body. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he repeats, rocking slightly back and forth as despair rips through him. Before I even realize I’ve moved, I’m on my knees, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as I pull his head into my chest, my body rocking with his as I fight to comfort him. Resting my cheek on the top of his head, I hold him tightly, the feeling of his body trembling beneath mine the most gut-wrenching thing I’ve ever experienced. I try to hold my own emotions in, to be strong for him, but feeling this man that I once viewed as unbreakable crumble beneath me is more than I can take. It rips me apart; a pain like I’ve never felt before. This must be what it means to truly love someone; you take their pain as your own and you share the burden. “This isn’t your fault,” I finally manage to say after several long moments. “You can’t keep blaming yourself for this. Accidents happen every day, Decklan. Conner died, but that doesn’t mean you did. He would want you to live. Live your life for the both of you.” I loosen my grip, rocking back on my knees as I turn his face upwards to meet mine. “I understand why you pushed me away. And it’s okay. I understand. But I also need to say something, and you’re going to listen to me.” I push his messy hair away from his face. “You are worthy of love, Decklan Taylor. You deserve it, even if you can’t see that yet. And I won’t give up on you. I will just have to love you for the both of us until you can find a way to love yourself as well.” “I can’t.” He takes a deep breath, wiping at his cheeks. “Yes, you can. You can forgive yourself. You will forgive yourself. And I will be here with you every step of the way.” I cup his face in my hands. “Because I love you that much.” “I don’t deserve your love.” His bloodshot gray eyes hold my gaze. “Yes you do,” I reassure him. “You deserve to be loved; you just have to let me do it. Nothing will bring Conner back.” I drop my hands away from his face, sinking down further to sit eye level with him on the ground. “But you can honor him every day by living the life he never got.”

“I don’t know how,” he admits. “Then I’ll help you.” I give him a weak smile. “I’m sorry... for everything.” “Don’t.” I shake my head. “You don’t have to apologize.” “I’m so in love with you that it terrifies me.” He reaches out, running his thumb along my bottom lip. “I’m so in love with you that it terrifies me,” I repeat his statement back to him before leaning down and pressing my lips gently to his.

Chapter Twenty-four Decklan “I’m sorry,” I finally mutter the words I came all this way to say, looking up to find my mother’s tearfilled eyes staring back at me. “Oh my dear boy, you have nothing to apologize for.” She reaches across the table, taking my hand in hers. “You are my son, and I love you.” “I was just so angry. I didn’t understand how you could ever forgive me.” “There was nothing to forgive. It was an accident and accidents happen. I was devastated over losing your brother, but never once did I blame you.” The kindness in her eyes is enough to fucking gut me right here. All the shit I put her through, how awful of a son I’ve been since Conner’s death, I just don’t understand how she can so easily dismiss that behavior. “I loved Conner, just as I love you and Trey,” she continues. “Losing him was like losing a part of myself, and I knew from that moment on I would never be the same. But that didn’t mean that my love for you changed. If anything, it became stronger.” “I was so awful to you.” “You were angry, and you were in pain. I understood that. I tried to make you see that I didn’t blame you, but you were so convinced I did that you only saw what you wanted to see. It killed me to watch you punish yourself, to withdraw and push everyone away. It was almost like I lost two sons that night.” She swipes at a stray tear that trickles slowly down her cheek. “I’m sorry,” I apologize again, not sure what else to say. What else can I say after eight years? “Do not apologize to me again.” She shakes her head, squeezing my hand. “I just want you to be happy.” “I’m working on that.” I give her a soft smile. “What’s her name?” Her lips turn up in a knowing grin. “What? You think your old mother doesn’t recognize a woman’s touch when I see one?” She laughs at the confused look on my face. “Kimber.” The mere mention of her name brings a smile to my lips. “So when do I get to meet her?” **** Driving across town to pick Kimber up from work, I feel almost weightless. The heavy burden I have carried with me for so long lifting dramatically by making peace with my past and with my mom. Nothing happens overnight, and I know that I will have good days and bad, but for the first time since I was a teenager, I feel something other than my pain and grief. I feel hope. Pulling my bike off to the side of the road, I kill the engine and climb off, depositing my helmet onto the seat. I spot Kimber before I even make it across the street. She’s almost completely visible through the floor to ceiling glass wall that separates the outdoor patio from the indoor restaurant.

I stop just outside and watch her for a long moment; her blonde hair tied up in a messy knot, a few loose pieces falling around her face. She has to be the most beautiful creature I have ever laid my eyes on. She looks up from wiping off the table in front of her and catches my eyes, a huge smile stretching across her face. Holding up her index finger, she gestures to give her a minute before disappearing from view. Within moments she reappears, pushing up on her tip toes to lay a kiss on my mouth the instant she reaches me. “I missed you,” she speaks against my lips. “How’d it go?” She backs away, tangling her fingers with mine. “Really well,” I admit, pulling her back to me. “Thank you.” I drop another brief kiss to her mouth before pulling back to meet her gaze. “For what?” She smiles sweetly up at me, the action fucking melting me on the spot. Fuck me. I’m a goner. “For believing that I’m worth forgiving.” I tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, my hand lingering against her cheek. “I love you.” “And I love you.” She turns her face inward, kissing the palm of my hand. “It’s a good thing too because you’re not getting rid of me.” I lean forward and kiss her forehead. “Oh man.” She sighs out playfully. “I guess I’ll just have to find a way to deal with it.” She laughs when I abruptly squeeze her side. “And I hope you’re free next Saturday because we’re meeting my mother for lunch,” I add on, watching her eyes widen. “She’s dying to meet you.” “You told her about me?” She almost seems surprised by this. “I did,” I confirm. “So Saturday?” “I’ll be there.” She pushes up and presses her lips to mine again. “But first, you have to go somewhere with me.” She pulls back and hits me with excited eyes. “Now?” “Right now.” She laughs, grabbing my hand as she drags me towards my motorcycle. ****

Kimber “Where are we?” Decklan asks as he climbs off his motorcycle and looks up at the large brick building in front of him. “You’ll see.” I reach out to tangle my fingers with his. “Come on,” I say, leading him towards the front entrance. “What is this place?” he asks, pulling open the door before following me inside. “It’s the art lab,” I explain, leading him down the main corridor to the last door at the end of the hall. “It’s where I’ve been practically living this past couple of weeks.” I give him a sweet smile before pushing my way inside the lab room I’ve been working in. He follows silently behind me through the large bright room, various pieces of half-finished art lining multiple easels and large sections of the walls. With final projects due next week, it’s a wonder there’s no one here tonight. Most nights that I’ve been here there have been several other students here as well. I lead Decklan to the far corner of the room, most of my supplies still spread out on my workstation from last night. “I finally finished my project.” I turn towards him, coming to a stop next the easel that is turned inward facing the wall. “The self-portrait?” he asks, having heard me speak of it a few times before.

I nod. After everything that’s happened over the past few weeks, I thought maybe showing him this would reassure just how much he means to me. “I want you to see it.” I give him a small smile before turning the easel to face him. I don’t look at the painting; I already know what’s there. Instead, I study his reaction, the way his eyes scan the canvas, a slow smiling pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Wow.” The word is barely a whisper as his gaze meets mine. “It’s us,” I say, for the first time turning to face the painting. The scattered colors and lines came together more perfectly than I envisioned, but I guess that’s what happens when you paint with your heart instead of your head. My smile widens as I stare back at my creation; two faces blended as one. One side is my face, the other Decklan’s, the background swirled with the most brilliant reds. “I realized the reason I couldn’t paint a portrait of how I viewed myself was because I didn’t truly know myself. At least not until I met you. You not only showed me who I am, you became a part of me.” I flick my eyes back towards him. “It’s incredible.” He reaches for me, pulling me into his arms. “You’re incredible.” He breathes, dropping his mouth to mine. “And I’m never going to let you go again.” He pulls back, his face hovering just inches from mine. “Good, because I never want you to.” I push up, wrapping my arms around his neck as I press my lips once again to his. Falling in love with a man like Decklan Taylor wasn’t just crazy, it was downright stupid, but I know with complete certainty that I wouldn’t change it for anything. Because no matter how crazy or how stupid it is, at the end of the day it’s love. It’s our love. Crazy, stupid, incredible, life-altering love.

The End

CRAZY STUPID OBSESSION

Chapter One Gavin Fucking Decklan... He’s my brother. Not by blood but that doesn’t matter. I’d take a bullet for him and him for me. But right now I’m thinking I’d be more likely to fucking kill him myself than rather die for him. Of course, none of this is his fault. I’m the one who chose to pull Kimber into this which is what ultimately put me in this little predicament. I knew I needed Kimber. Decklan needed her. I didn’t know what else to do. He’s been sitting at Conner’s grave for damn near four hours, and she’s the only one that can seem to talk any sense into his stupid ass. Though I never thought I’d see the day when a woman would have that much power over him. Regardless, I should have insisted Harlee not come with us. But even I know no matter how hard I tried to prevent that from happening, she would have ended up coming just the same. Kimber’s her friend, her roommate, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about Harlee Travers it’s that she’s fiercely loyal and protective of the people she cares about. I wish I could say her mistrust in me is misplaced, but even I know that’s not the case. She sees me, maybe clearer than anyone else does. The thought is more than a little unnerving. I try to block out the hushed conversation taking place next to me and focus my attention outside, but it doesn’t do me much good. Hearing her giggle into the phone to Bryan, the guy she’s apparently dating, is enough to make my blood boil, though I’m not entirely sure why. “I know. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” I watch her out of the corner of my eye as she talks. I don’t know why it bothers me so fucking much, but right now the urge to grab the phone from her hand and tell this Bryan fuck that she’s mine is damn near overwhelming. Mine? I don’t even understand the notion. We fucked... Once. Yeah it was good, and yes I have thought about it more than I probably would a normal hook up, but that doesn’t mean I suddenly have some claim on her, or that I even want one for that matter. “So, how long have you two been seeing each other?” I ask the question the moment she disconnects the call and lowers the phone from her ear, trying my best to sound as casual and unaffected as possible. “Not long.” She pushes her long blonde hair over her shoulder and turns her gaze out the window, staring out into the darkness. I can see her face in the reflection of the glass, the dash lights illuminating her in the softest glow. I find myself momentarily distracted by how fucking beautiful she is. I shake my head, trying to pull myself out of my haze. I’m fucked up over all the shit Deck is going through and making sure his crazy ass is taken care of. I must just be off my game. I need to get fucking laid, for starters. “Is it serious?” Another question falls from my mouth like vomit I can’t seem to swallow down. Is it serious? Am I fucking serious right now with these stupid ass fucking questions? “What, are we friends now?” She snaps her head toward me, narrowing her gaze.

“Just trying to make conversation.” I give her an innocent smile to which she reacts with an eye roll before turning back toward the window. I reach out and rest my hands on top of the steering wheel, letting out a loud breath. There’s something about sitting this close to Harlee that has me all sorts of fucked up. It doesn’t help matters that she seems to have an issue with me, though it’s not hard to guess why. I really wish she hadn’t come. I have no idea how long we will be sitting here. Every minute that ticks by becomes that much more difficult not to pull her into my lap and feel her tight and wet around me. Fuck. Why did I tell Deck I would steer clear of her again? I mean, not that he ever asked me to stay away from her. That’s not his style. But out of respect for him and Kimber, I thought it best that I not add insult to injury where Harlee is concerned. I’m fully aware of my ability to royally fuck everything up. I don’t want to make things more difficult for Decklan. He’s going through enough shit right now as it is. Even still, I bet Harlee would happily let me fuck her again if I made the first move. Her anger is a smoke screen, a useless tactic to try to throw me off her real issue. She’s not mad that I didn’t come running to her after we fucked. She’s mad because she wants to fuck me again despite the fact that I completely blew her off. Fuck. I’m a little mad, too. A small laugh escapes my lips at the thought, causing Harlee to shift in her seat. I flip my eyes to the side, my gaze instantly falling to the inside of her thigh where her black dress has ridden up slightly. I immediately feel myself start to tighten at the thought of running my hands along her smooth flesh. Fuck... I really do need to get laid. “I wonder what’s going on out there.” When she finally speaks she doesn’t look in my direction. Instead, she continues to peer into the darkness, clearly just trying to fill the silence that has now settled around us. “Who knows?” I shrug. “So what’s his deal anyway?” She finally meets my gaze, the green specks in her hazel eyes standing out in the dim lighting. “Who Decklan?” I question. “No, Prince Charles,” she bites sarcastically as she rolls her eyes. “Yes Decklan,” she tacks on. “Not my shit to tell.” I shrug. “I’m not asking for his life story.” She doesn’t seem the least bit offended by my lack of an answer. “I just want to know what he’s like, considering he’s dating my roommate who happens to be a very good friend of mine.” “Why don’t you ask Kimber?” I bounce my leg, growing increasingly more impatient. “Because she loves him,” she answers simply. “What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” I arch my brow curiously. “Love is blind, or have you never heard that before?” She studies me for a long moment. “That’s just what people say so they have an excuse to overlook other people’s stupid shit,” I snap, deciding if I don’t get out of this truck right fucking now I’m gonna crawl out of my skin. Pushing the driver’s side door open, I slide out, slamming it behind me. At first, I think Harlee is going to stay where she is, but seconds later I hear the passenger door creak open followed by the sound of her heeled feet as they hit the pavement. “I take it you’ve never been in love before?” She rounds the truck, continuing our conversation without skipping a beat. When I throw her an annoyed glare she changes tactics.

“All I’m saying is that Kimber is too in love with Decklan to see his flaws. As his best friend, I assume you know him better than anyone else. I just want to know if he’s a good guy.” “Because I would tell you if he wasn’t?” I shake my head, reaching into my jacket pocket to pull out my pack of cigarettes. Sliding one out, I hold it between my lips as I search my pockets for a lighter. “Here.” Harlee’s voice causes me to look up. She has her hand extended, a small pink lighter clenched between her perfectly manicured fingertips. “Thanks,” I grumble, taking it from her. “You know you really shouldn’t smoke those,” she tacks on after I’ve lit the cigarette and taken one long, hard drag. “Let me guess, because they give you cancer.” I pin my eyes on hers and take another deep inhale. “Among other things.” She takes her lighter back and slides it into the small purse clutched in her hand. “My friend Paxton’s mom just passed away from lung cancer and she never smoked a day in her life. Everything will kill you. Might as well go out my way.” I shrug, taking another drag from the cigarette. “Why the hell do you even have a lighter, since you clearly don’t smoke?” I tack on. “Never know when you might need it.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest and leans back against the side of the truck. I think on her statement for a moment before finally deciding to answer her original question. “He’s a good guy.” “Huh?” She turns her face toward me, clearly not able to keep up with the quick change in conversation. “Decklan. You asked if he was a good guy. He is. Probably one of the most loyal fuckers to ever walk the face of the earth. And he loves Kimber. Never thought I’d see the day that would happen but there it is. Good enough for you?” I ask. “Good enough for me.” A slow smile spreads across her face. “How long have you two known each other?” she asks. “What, are we friends now?” I repeat her previous statement back to her, letting out a slow exhale of smoke. She glares at me for a long moment. I can see the gears shifting inside that pretty little head of hers before she even opens her mouth to speak again. “No, we’re not.” She breaks my gaze, looking away for a long moment before finally finding my eyes again. “Since you’re not worried about sparing my feelings, why don’t you tell me why you’ve avoided me like the plague since the night we hooked up?” “I haven’t avoided you.” I take another hit of the cigarette before dropping it to the ground. “No?” She cocks her head to the side, her forehead scrunching together. “Pretty sure I tried reaching out, even suggested we hang out again. You blew me off with some bullshit excuse about having to work the bar that night.” “I work the bar most nights.” I struggle to see what she’s getting at. “But my roommate is dating the other owner of the bar. Did you think I wouldn’t know if you actually worked the bar that night or not?” She’s trying to keep her face void of emotion but it’s clear this bothers her more than she’s likely to admit. “I guess I should have known better huh?” She hugs her arms tighter around herself when a cool breeze whips around us. The wind catches her long blonde hair causing it to dance freely in the air. It’s one of those moments that would make an incredible photograph. She’s definitely more beautiful than any model I’ve ever seen. Her tall, slender body tucked up against my large truck. Her hair flying wildly around her beautiful face. Her hazel eyes cutting through the night like razors.

She really is fucking breathtaking. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I finally blurt, not sure that I really want to know the answer to the question. “I know what kind of man you are, Gavin. I knew the night I slept with you. And yet I did it anyway.” She shakes her head, clearly regretting that decision. Her reaction doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t want to be someone she regrets and yet, without even meaning to, that’s exactly what I am. “What kind of man is that exactly?” My voice comes out a bit harsher than I intend for it to. “The kind of man who fucks any woman he wants with no regard for her feelings.” She meets my gaze straight on. “I made no promises to you and yet you were still more than eager to climb up on my cock. I’m pretty fucking sure I gave you exactly what you wanted.” I take a couple of steps toward her, closing the distance between us until she is caged between me and the truck. She’s so close I can smell the traces of the vanilla body wash that lingers on her perfect fucking skin. Her full, pink lips are just inches from mine. Now centimeters. I stop just shy of her mouth, smiling when her breath catches and her entire body tenses. “That’s what I thought,” I breathe against her lips. I fight the urge to taste her and take a step back, watching the disappointment flash across her face before it’s immediately replaced by anger. “Fuck you, Gavin,” she spits before whipping around and heading back toward the passenger door. “Pretty sure you already did.” I can’t stop myself from saying it. She hits me with a look of disbelief and then climbs into the truck, slamming the door shut behind her. I immediately regret my statement but can’t bring myself to apologize for making it. It’s better this way; her hating me. At least if she hates me, then she takes away my power to hurt her. Because if given the opportunity I have no doubt that I would fucking destroy her and that tough little exterior she hides behind.

Chapter Two One month later... Harlee “Please tell me you’re free New Year’s Eve,” Kimber says seconds after pushing her way inside our dorm room, her cheeks red from the cold outside. “Hello to you, too,” I laugh, looking up from my Kindle to watch her enter. It’s been three days since she’s made an appearance, and by the looks of her, I’d say she’s had very little sleep over the course of that time. Compliments of Decklan I’m sure. “Seriously. I just found out Deviants is throwing a huge New Year’s Eve party. You can’t make me go alone,” she whines, flopping down on her bed. “Will Decklan be there?” I ask, considering he’s one of the co-owners of Deviants. “Of course,” she sighs, kicking off her shoes before pulling a hair band off her wrist. She ties her long, blonde waves into a messy bun on top of her head before pinning her blue eyes back on me. “Well, then you won’t be alone.” I roll my eyes, turning my attention back to the book I’m reading. “Yes, I will be.” I read two words before she interrupts me. “Even if he takes the night off.” She puts air quotes around the phrase. “It’s still his place of business and you know he’s going to be busy handling fifty different things which will leave me sitting at the bar all by myself wishing I had an amazingly awesome, beautiful, wonderful friend there with me.” She puckers out her bottom lip at me. “No.” I shake my head, not even willing to consider it. “Really?” she huffs, clearly surprised by my immediate and exact answer. “Really.” I lock my Kindle and toss it to the end of the bed. “I have successfully erased all traces of Gavin Porter from my life, and now you want me to willingly walk back into the lion’s den? Absolutely not.” I shake my head, feeling my face turn up in disgust. It’s one thing to know that Gavin exists; it’s another to acknowledge said existence which is exactly what I have refused to do these past few weeks. “You slept with him once,” Kimber protests. “I get that it didn’t turn out the way you wanted, but are you seriously going to continue to let that man have that much power over you?” she questions. “The Harlee I know never lets a man dictate her life.” I know what she’s trying to pull, but it won’t work. I wish I could say that it’s just my pride holding me back but that’s not entirely the truth. I’m scared to see him again. The last time we saw each other was over a month ago and the tension between us was so thick I felt like I could barely breathe. “I just have no desire to surround myself with those kinds of people.” I throw my legs over the side of the bed and turn to face Kimber head on. “Those kind of people?” She hits me with an offended look. “I didn’t mean you and Decklan.” I immediately move to explain, “I just think it’s best that I remove myself from any situation that involves people like Gavin.” “You’re so busy trying to hate him that you can’t even see the real problem can you?” she questions, cocking her head to the side. “What are you talking about?” I bite, annoyance clear in my voice.

“You’re just like him. You are the female version of Gavin.” Her tone is absolute. “You can’t stand that for the first time ever, a guy didn’t want more than a hookup from you. Normally you hold the power to make those decisions. You get to decide if you want to date the guy or leave it as a one-time thing, but with Gavin, you don’t get to do that. He’s taken your power away and you can’t stand it.” “That’s not true,” I insist, feeling the familiar twist in my stomach. If I’m being honest with myself, Kimber has a point. But I’m not about to admit that to her. “And,” she tacks on, pulling my attention back to her, “I think you still really like him.” “Yeah right,” I object, shaking my head adamantly. “Then prove it,” she challenges. “Come with me. You can bring Bryan. What better way to show Gavin you don’t care?” She says in a way that has more meaning behind it than she lets on. “Besides, you know Angel will be down if you are.” Of course, I know she’s right. My crazy, fearless, best friend, Angel, is always down for a good time. She would probably jump at the chance to spend New Year’s in Portland. “I don’t know,” I murmur. “Please?” she draws out. “Angel can bring that new boy toy of hers, too. What’s his name again?” She giggles at her inability to recall his name. “Trenton,” I laugh. “God I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that someone actually reeled that girl in.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “It’s only been like five minutes. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” I remind her. “Angel has dated several men over the course of our friendship and not one has managed to hang onto her for more than a month. She’s too much of a free bird to be held down by the confines of a relationship.” “I don’t know. She’s all glassy eyed where this one is concerned,” Kimber interjects. “So what do you say?” She jumps back to the matter at hand. “Deviants? New Year’s Eve?” She puckers her bottom lip out even further than before. “Let me talk to Bryan.” I finally concede, knowing she’s not going to give up on this easily. She lets out a little squeal and jumps from the bed, bouncing toward me. Only seconds pass before her arms are around my neck and she’s squeezing me tightly. “Thank you. Thank you. We are going to have a blast. You’ll see.” She releases me, turning to grab my phone from the bedside table. “Now call that man of yours and tell him the plan.” She tosses the device in my lap. “You’re awfully bossy, you know that?” I laugh. “What happened to my sweet, quiet Kimber? I kind of miss that Kimber,” I joke. “No one misses that Kimber.” She scrunches her nose. “That Kimber was lame. Now call.” She points to my phone. “I’ll text Angel and let her know. This is going to be so much fun!” “Yeah, so much fun,” I mumble under my breath as I pull up Bryan’s number and hit call. Kimber disappears into the bathroom before the second ring sounds in my ear. Leaning back, I rest my head against the large stack of pillows piled at the head of my bed and gaze up at the ceiling, momentarily distracted by my thoughts of Gavin. When Bryan’s voice finally comes across the line, he has to say hello twice before I even realize he’s answered. “Hey,” I chime in. “Hey.” There’s a smile in his voice and it immediately brings a smile to my face. I like Bryan, a lot. It wasn’t instant, and he certainly doesn’t give me the intense rush that I get when I’m around Gavin, but there is a slow simmer there. They say some of the strongest feelings are those that build slowly over time so that’s what I’m giving it— time. “So how do you feel about spending New Year’s in Portland?” I ask, twirling a piece of hair around my finger as I speak.

“Will you be there?” Again, I can hear the smile in his voice. “Um, well yeah,” I laugh lightly into the phone. “Then I’m there.” His answer is instant. “Don’t you want to know where we’re going?” I object. “As long as I’m with you, I don’t care where we are.” “Is that so?” I can’t fight the smile on my lips. This is how it should be: easy, uncomplicated. He wants me, it’s that simple. I’m determined not to take that for granted. “It is.” His voice drops lower. “What are you doing right now?” “Laying in bed,” I answer as seductively as I can muster, trying to make my situation sound much sexier than it actually is. “Are you now?” There’s laughter in his voice. I open my mouth to respond but before I can get anything out a loud knock sounds against the door. I jump slightly, startled by the sudden noise. “Crap. Hang on.” I push myself out of the bed and quickly cross the room. Peeling open the door, I am immediately greeted by shaggy blond hair and chocolate brown eyes. Bryan. I keep the phone to my ear. “Hey, I gotta go. Some really hot guy just showed up at my door and looks as though he’s in need of entertaining.” I smile widely. “Oh, well, by all means, don’t keep the poor lad waiting.” He disconnects the phone, his arm snaking around my waist moments later. “Hey,” he breathes against my mouth before pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. “What are you doing here?” I ask, pulling back slightly. “I was on my way up when you called. I missed you,” he admits, kissing me again. “Is Kimber here?” He looks inside the room, hitting me with mischievous eyes the moment he sees the room is empty. “Bathroom.” I gesture toward the closed door along the far wall. “Rats. Foiled again,” he laughs, rubbing the tip of his nose against mine before his lips find mine again. This time, the kiss isn’t so innocent and he tightens his grip on my body, making sure I feel the hardness of him against my stomach. By the time he pulls back, I’m a bit out of breath and wishing Kimber wasn’t here so he could do exactly what he came here to do. “Come in.” I pull out of his arms and drag him into the room, closing the door behind him. “So Portland huh?” He crosses the room, flopping down on the end of my bed. “Yeah. Kimber’s boyfriend, Decklan, owns a bar there,” I start. “I’ve heard you mention it,” He interjects. “Apparently, they’re having a huge party and she really wants us to go. Decklan will probably be busy and she doesn’t want to end up sitting at the bar alone.” “I get that.” He gives me a sweet smile, and my heart melts a little. He really is the nicest guy. Born and raised on the coast of California, he is the definition of a West Coast surfer. With shaggy blond hair, tan skin, and a lean muscular body, it’s clear he’s spent many years on the water. He’s also very laid back and easy going. There’s hardly a thing that seems to bother him. At least not from what I have seen in the few weeks we’ve been seeing each other. “So you’re sure you’re okay with going?” I ask, stepping in between his legs and wrapping my hands around the back of his neck. He peers up at me with a dimple-filled smile and nods. “You really are something else, you know that?” I lean forward and kiss the top of his head before resting my cheek against it.

His arms close around my waist, and he holds me there for several long moments. It’s times like this that I wish I could make myself feel something more intensely for Bryan. He’s everything I should want and yet, there’s something I want more. I want to feel challenged. I want to feel passion. I want to feel fire consume me when he touches me instead of just the warmth of his skin against mine. For a brief moment, Gavin’s dark blue eyes flash through my mind, and my heart rate immediately accelerates. Suddenly guilt floods through me. As much as I say I don’t want to see Gavin, and as much as I try to convince myself that I’m going to Deviants for Kimber, deep down I know that’s simply not the whole truth. I also know that in some small way I’m hoping that showing up there with Bryan will make Gavin jealous. I know it’s wrong and a completely ridiculous thought, but it’s exactly the direction my mind is going in until Kimber appears from the bathroom and snaps me from my haze. “Bryan.” She smiles, tightening the towel wrapped around her head. “Nice to see you, Kimber.” He pulls back from our embrace and gives her a warm smile. “How are you enjoying your winter break so far?” “I’m kind of going crazy,” she admits on a laugh. “The restaurant has been pretty slow since so many students have gone home for break so I haven’t gotten many shifts. Without class to fill my time, I kind of feel rather lost.” “I know what you mean. This is the first break I haven’t spent in California. Kind of feels like a ghost town.” His words pull my attention back to him. I narrow my gaze on him as I slide down next to him on the bed. “I thought you always just went home on Christmas Eve and day?” I ask, confused. “You assumed.” He takes my hand and squeezes. “Then why didn’t you spend your break at home this year?” I question. Bryan is a junior, whereas Kimber and I are only freshman, so this is the third winter semester he’s been through. “I thought that was pretty obvious.” He gives me a warm smile and the guilt I was feeling just moments ago intensifies tenfold. “Was your family disappointed not to have you home for the month?” Kimber chimes in, flipping her head over to rub the excess water out of her hair with the towel. “They were okay with it. I have four siblings so my parents have plenty of family around.” “That must be nice.” Kimber straightens, dropping the towel into the laundry basket next to her bed. “Having so many siblings,” she adds, grabbing a hairbrush from her nightstand. “It’s okay... Sometimes,” he laughs. “Three of them are teenage girls so even if I was at home, I’d likely not be at home.” “I think I can understand that.” Kimber lets out a small giggle and then pauses, immediately changing directions. “So do you two have plans today?” she asks, ripping the brush through her thick hair in an attempt to rid it of its tangles. “No, I just stopped by to see my girl.” Bryan nudges my shoulder with his and gives me a warm smile. “You two are too cute.” Kimber smiles warmly at us, her blue eyes firmly fixed on my face. “What are you up to?” I ask her. “Well...” She hesitates, looking to Bryan and then back to me. “I was hoping I could steal you for a while. Maybe go grab some dinner. Catch up.” “Well don’t let me get in the way of your plans, ladies.” Bryan immediately stands. “Are you sure?” I object, feeling bad that he came here just to turn around and leave again. “Of course,” he reassures me. “I have a few things I need to take care of. Call me when you get back.” He winks, leaning down to lay another light kiss to my mouth.

“Take care of my girl, Kimber.” He nods in her direction. “Always do.” Her smile widens as she watches him cross the room and disappear into the hallway moments later. “Oh my god. He totally worships you,” she whisper screams, doing a weird little victory dance in the middle of the room. “He does, doesn’t he?” I let out a slow exhale. “Why do I get the feeling that isn’t a good thing?” Kimber immediately falls serious, sliding down onto the edge of her bed to sit directly across from me. “It is. It really is. He’s amazing. It’s just... I don’t know. Something’s missing,” I admit, hoping she understands. “What do you mean?” “I don’t know. How do you feel when you’re with Decklan?” I ask, hoping to explain it another way. “Amazing. Electrified. Alive,” she rambles off. “Exactly. That’s how it should feel. At least I feel like that’s how it should feel.” “And you don’t feel that way?” She gestures to the door where Bryan just exited. “I like him,” I admit. “It’s just mild and comfortable. There’s no real spark.” “Give it some more time. Maybe it’ll come.” She hits me with a reassuring smile. “Yeah, maybe.” I shrug. “So where are you wanting to go?” I ask, desperately wanting to get away from this topic of conversation and focus on something else. “Madrins?” Kimber smiles, knowing there is no way I will ever say no to their incredible crab cakes. “You’re on.” I push off of the bed and head for the bathroom. “Give me ten minutes,” I call back over my shoulder. “I’ll give you five,” she challenges, laughing when I stick my tongue out at her before playfully slamming the bathroom door behind me.

Chapter Three Gavin “Well if it isn’t my pussy-whipped best friend. He’s alive.” I torment Decklan the moment he emerges from his apartment above the bar. His wrinkled white shirt and faded jeans are a clear indication to how little of a fuck he gives about his appearance at the moment. If I had to guess, I’d say this is the first time he’s been out of bed in the last two days. “What the fuck are you doing here already?” He arches a brow when he sees the beer sitting on the bar in front of me. “Little early isn’t it?” “Since when do you give a fuck how early it is?” I bite, watching a slow smile spread across his face. “Good fucking point,” he agrees, sliding behind the bar to retrieve a beer for himself. He pops the top off the bottle and takes a long swig before crossing around the counter and sliding into the bar stool next to me. “Kimber gone?” I ask, lifting the bottle to my lips. “Yeah, she took off yesterday afternoon. She had a few things to take care of. She’ll be back soon.” He runs a hand through his messy dark blond hair. “You ever gonna cut that shit?” I gesture to where a large chunk of hair is now hanging directly in front of his eye. “No,” he answers dryly, pushing the hair aside. “We need to make a decision about Paxton.” I slide the beer bottle back and forth between my hands, the glass making a scratching noise across the surface of the bar. Paxton is an old friend of mine and Decklan’s. His mom shipped him to Oregon to live with his dad after he got himself in a bit of a mess in California. He couldn’t have been but thirteen at the time. It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that these two fuckers have been around for literally half of my life. “Yeah,” Deck agrees, pulling me back to the conversation. “What nights does he want to play again?” “I told him Sunday through Thursday would work, but I’m not sure he wants to play every night. I was thinking we would give him maybe Sunday and Wednesday and then he can pick up extra shifts as he wants. This place is dead as fuck Monday and Tuesday nights anyway. It doesn’t make much sense for us to pay a live act.” Paxton is the musician of our group and one hell of one at that. Considering he’s been crashing on my couch since he arrived back in Oregon a few weeks ago, I’m eager to give him something to do. He’s been living in California for the past several months, taking care of his mom who just recently passed from cancer. Given the size of his inheritance, I know money isn’t the issue. It’s more about being around people and having something to do. “Might bring in more business, though,” Decklan adds, taking a long drink of his beer, draining half the bottle in one gulp. “But yeah, Sunday and Wednesday works for me. Did you nail down the specifics for the New Year’s party?” “Yeah, I’m gonna have Paxton start off the night with an acoustic set and then Technolights will go on at ten and play til close,” I say, referring to one of the hottest cover bands in the Portland area.

“Perfect,” he says, turning toward the door the moment it swings open. Sunlight filters into the dimly lit bar shrouding Kimber in a sea of yellow as she steps through the doorway. I remember the first time I laid eyes on this girl. Such an innocent, quiet thing. Beautiful of course, almost angelic in a way. But I have learned over the course of the past couple of months that she is so much more than the little good girl I had her pegged for. For starters, she can handle Decklan. She’s on a very short list in that department. Anyone that can handle my moody, asshole of a best friend deserves a medal. I’ve also got a hell of a lot of respect for her, especially after everything she’s done for him. She’s changing him in a way I never dreamed possible. She’s given him a spark and brought a bit of life back to him that I haven’t seen since before his brother Conner died in a car accident a few years back. The moment the door closes behind her on a loud thud, her eyes immediately bounce between me and Decklan and then to the beers on the counter. “Really, guys?” She shakes her head, making her way toward us. “Decklan did it.” I point jokingly at Deck who lets out a full belly laugh. “What is she your mother?” He shakes his head. “Decklan did it.” He mimics my statement. “Fuck you, dude.” I shove at his shoulder, effectively pushing him out of the bar stool. He slides onto his feet and flips me off seconds before dropping an arm around Kimber’s shoulder and pulling her into him. “You get everything taken care of?” he asks, kissing the side of her head. I don’t know why but the action makes my stomach turn a bit. It’s clear to see how crazy they are about each other and while I couldn’t be happier for Decklan, that doesn’t mean I want to sit here and watch them give each other googly eyes. “Yeah. I was able to work out picking up a couple extra shifts at the restaurant, thank god.” She sighs. “Getting tired of me already are you?” he teases. “Shut up.” She giggles, laying a light smack on his stomach. “If I want to be able to eat next semester, I need to work.” “Yeah because I would let you starve.” He pins serious eyes on her. “It’s not your job to take care of me. I pay my own way, end of discussion.” “I’ll show you end of discussion,” he growls playfully. “Oh and I also invited Harlee and Angel to the party Thursday night.” She ignores his comment, turning her gaze on me. “I hope that’s okay,” she adds. “I’m pretty sure Bryan and Angel’s new... Well, I’m not sure what you would call him,” she laughs, “are going to come, too.” Her eyes study my face for a long moment before turning back up to Decklan. “Fine by me.” Decklan smiles down at her, tucking a blonde wave of hair behind her ear. Not fucking fine by me I want to say, but I keep my mouth shut. I finish off the remainder of my beer in one swift drink. “Is that okay with you, Gavin?” She settles her soft smile in my direction, lifting her eyebrows slightly in question. “I don’t give a fuck,” I answer casually on a shrug, pushing out of the bar stool. I cross to the trash can and drop my empty beer bottle inside. “I’m gonna party and fuck my way into the new year no matter who is here.” “Okay then.” Her smile widens. I don’t know why but I get the sinking feeling there is something behind that smile of hers. What’s in my reaction that clearly has her amused? I slide behind the bar, grabbing a few near empty bottles of liquor. Setting them on the back counter, I grab a pen and paper and start jotting down what we’re getting low on so I can make sure to get it ordered in time for Thursday.

Deviants is mine and Decklan’s baby. We bought this bar a few years back. Sunk every penny we owned into fixing it up and turning it into the successful business it is now. We still handle the everyday operations, both of us too big on control to hire a manager to handle anything for us. “Don’t forget to order extra champagne.” Decklan’s voice sounds from behind me. “Got it.” I nod without turning. “Oh shit, I almost forgot.” I spin toward them just as they are about to head upstairs. “Mom wanted me to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.” “What’s the occasion?” Decklan asks, clearly not missing the fact that it’s only been a week and a half since our monthly Tuesday night Spaghetti dinner. Which is a tradition in the Porter household and one Decklan has attended for years. Hell, he’s practically family. No, he is part of the family. “Charlie’s coming home,” I say, referring to my younger sister who has been living with my aunt Pam in New York for the past three years while attending NYU. “Seriously?” Decklan seems as surprised as I did when Mom told me the news. “Is she just visiting?” he adds. “No, apparently she’s home for the foreseeable future.” “Really? I thought she had another year?” he questions. “Charlie, as in your younger sister?” Kimber interrupts, clearly a little bit out of the loop. “Yeah,” I confirm. “She left after finishing high school.” I don’t mention that I have only seen her once the entire time she’s been gone. “How long has that been?” she asks. I have to remind myself that Kimber is new to this whole family circle. Decklan, of course, already knows the details where Charlie is concerned. “Three years now.” I look to Deck for confirmation. He nods in agreement before speaking again. “Shit. Has it really been that long?” “She’s twenty-one now,” I say. It seems crazy to think of her being that old. Being four years younger than me, I’ve always been extremely protective of her, as has Deck. I think in a lot of ways she resented that about me and that’s why she’s made herself so scarce over the past couple of years. Of course, deep down, I think the main reason she hasn’t been coming home to visit is because it’s not the same here without Dad. “Fuck.” Decklan pulls me back to the present. He runs another hand through his hair, shaking his head in disbelief. “Twenty-one.” “Hard to believe.” I nod in agreement. “So you think you can make it?” “Yeah man, you know you can count me in,” he answers. “What about you, Kimber? You wanna join us?” I ask, knowing my mom would love to see her again. Kimber has a love of art that my father had. It makes my mom so happy to have someone to talk Art with again. I think it reminds her of when my dad was still alive. “Are you sure that’s okay?” she questions. “I don’t want to intrude.” “Are you kidding? You’re part of the family now.” I gesture between her and Decklan. “Whether you want to be or not,” Decklan teases, tucking her into his side. “Then yes, of course.” Her smile spreads from ear to ear. “Six thirty,” I confirm, waiting until Deck gives me a nod before turning back to finish my inventory. Him and Kimber disappear upstairs moments later causing the silence of the room to settle around me. My mind immediately whirls back to what Kimber said earlier about Harlee coming Thursday night. My fists clench involuntarily at the thought of having to watch her and that douche bag of a boyfriend hang all over each other all night. Then again, why the fuck do I care? I shake my head, trying to rid myself of whatever the fuck is causing my mind to focus on Harlee.

I need a distraction... Dropping the pad of paper onto the counter, I slide my cell phone from my back pocket and scroll through the contacts. I click on Jenny’s number the moment I see it, letting out a loud exhale as I place the phone to my ear. Decklan may have had a strict rule about fucking the same girl more than once, before Kimber of course, but I’m a firm believer that a good pussy is a good pussy, no matter how many times you fuck it. Jenny is my favorite go to. She’s a feisty ginger that likes it rough and will take it any way I want to give it to her. While the women willing to let me stick my cock in them are a dime a dozen, very few are as adventurous as Jenny and right now, that’s exactly what I need. The phone rings for a third time before her bubbly voice comes across the line. “Well if it isn’t Gavin Porter.” I can hear the smile in her voice. “Jenny.” “I haven’t heard from you in weeks. I was starting to think you were tired of me,” she jokes. “You busy?” I waste no time with pleasantries. “Not at all.” Her voice drops low. “I’ll be there in fifteen.” “Come on up. The door’s unlocked,” she purrs. She’s clearly not the least bit disturbed that I’m calling her for sex at ten thirty in the morning. Just another reason why she’s the number I chose to call and not any of the others that I have lined up. I end the call without another word, grabbing my keys off the back counter. Crossing toward the front, I slide the lock into place and then head out back where my truck is parked. I may not be able to shake Harlee Travers out of my fucking head, but I am damn sure I can fuck her out of it.

Chapter Four Gavin Sweat pours off my back as I pound relentlessly into Jenny from behind, taking her so forcefully that she can barely manage to keep her feet planted on the ground. I roll my hips, letting the pleasure crawling up my spine take hold. I ignore the voice in the back of my head; the one telling me that no matter how hard I fuck this girl, I won’t be able to shake the nagging feeling that has plagued the pit of my stomach for the last month. But that doesn’t mean I’m not desperate to try. I increase my speed, my body now teetering on the verge of exhaustion. Jenny gives me no indication that she can tell something is off. It’s been less than ten minutes and already she is falling apart below me for the second time. Her orgasm causes her to clench down around me, making her already tight pussy feel even tighter. I dig my fingers into her hips and thrust harder, losing myself in the sound of our two bodies slamming together; in the cries of pleasure sounding from beneath me. It’s fucking exhilarating. A low growl forms at the base of my throat as I feel the build finally start to creep its way up. Harder and harder I plunge until finally I feel myself explode, spilling my load into the too tight condom. Two more thrusts and I collapse down onto Jenny’s back, my breath coming in short spurts as I try to catch it. “That was...” Jenny pants out. “That was...” She tries again. “Fuck me, Gavin.” She sighs into the mattress, turning her head to the side. Without a word, I push up. Pulling my softening erection from her, I slide off the condom and drop it into the trash can that sits next to her bedside table. Snagging my pants from the floor, I have both legs in and am sliding the material over my hips before she even makes an attempt to move. “Where are you going?” She seems disappointed. “I got shit to do.” It’s not a lie but it’s not the complete truth either. Sure I’ve got shit to do but not for a few hours and even then I’m sure I could get out of it. Working the bar is not a requirement; I do it because I love it. I love the simplicity of it. It’s probably my favorite part of owning the bar. “You can’t stay an hour longer?” She rolls to her back, her small, perky tits on full display. “I think I could persuade you.” She gives me a wicked smile, her tongue darting across her bottom lip. “Told ya, got shit to do.” I finally locate my shirt tucked half way under the bed. Leaning down, I snatch it up, throwing it over my head in a matter of seconds. “I’ll call you later.” I throw her a backward glance before quickly exiting the bedroom, not sticking around to hear what I’m sure she was about to say. I’m downstairs and pushing my way outside before I even have my jacket all the way on, determined to get the fuck out of here as quickly as possible. It’s nothing Jenny did, of course, she was fucking incredible per usual. It’s more of where my fucking head is at right now. What the fuck is wrong with me? I haven’t been myself since my last exchange with

Harlee that night at the cemetery. While I think of her less and less as the days pass, Kimber mentioning her this morning was like striking a match to the box, and suddenly everything came back to life. I don’t want to fucking picture her with another man, let alone have to witness it happen right in front of me. I was looking forward to the party Thursday night. Now I wish like hell I could find a way to get out of going altogether. How does one go about getting out of a party they are hosting? Climbing in my truck, I fire the engine to life and crank up the heat. Unfortunately, only cold air billows from the vents because the vehicle hasn’t had a chance to heat up. It’s fucking freezing outside today despite the sun shining brightly overhead. Dropping my head to the cold leather of the steering wheel, I let out a frustrated growl. What the fuck is it about this girl that has me so fucking obsessed with her? Sure she’s beautiful, but she’s not the only fucking pretty female in the world. So what is it exactly that has me so strung up and not able to shake her? I guess there’s only one way to find out... I have to fuck her again. I have to look into those beautiful eyes and watch her come undone with my cock deep inside her. I have to know once and for all why she seems to have this fucking hold on me. With that, my tension relaxes. The heaviness seems to float away and for the moment, I feel somewhat normal again. I can’t believe it took me so long to come to this conclusion. Maybe that’s the issue. She’s the only woman I have ever denied myself. I have only been trying to stay away from her to not make Decklan’s life any more difficult, but given that he seems to be doing better than ever, I think it’s safe to assume he couldn’t care less what I do. Besides, I can only take this so far before I lose my fucking shit. My nature is revolting against me. I am not built to deny myself what I want and as such, this is my punishment. “Then go fuck her, you stupid fuck.” I can hear exactly what Decklan would say if I went to him with this issue. He knows me better than anyone. He knows I am incapable of holding out forever. Honestly, I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long. The fact that she has a boyfriend doesn’t hinder my resolve in the least. She may be his right now, but come Thursday night it will be my cock buried inside of her. **** “What the fuck?” The words fall from my mouth as my baby sister Charlie walks into the foyer and hits me with a brilliant smile. “What the hell happened to you?” I can’t believe how grown up she looks. “Good to see you, too, ass.” She smiles widely before throwing her arms around my neck. “God I’ve missed you.” She squeezes me incredibly tight. “I’ve missed you, too,” I admit, smiling down at her the moment she releases her grip on me. “What the fuck are you doing home?” I ask, sliding out of my jacket before tossing it onto the armchair that sits just inside the living room. “I just needed a break.” She lets out a slow breath, tucking a strand of long dark hair behind her ear. She looks like the Charlie I remember but then completely different at the same time. She seems so much older, more mature. There’s an air of heaviness that seems to surround her. Something that I’ve never noticed before. I open my mouth to question the clear change in her but before I can get a word out she squeals, her eyes darting somewhere behind me. I turn just in time to see her slender, short frame disappear into Decklan’s embrace. “Decklan Taylor, as I live and breathe.” She releases him, stepping back to get a good look at him.

He smiles down at her with the type of love you would expect to see between a brother and a sister. No, they aren’t blood, but they might as well be. Decklan is not just my brother, he is hers as well. I know how much she helped him after Conner’s death. There’s no doubt that the feeling between the two of them is mutual. “Charlie, I’d like you to meet Kimber.” Charlie’s eyes dart to the beautiful blonde at Decklan’s side. “Mom told me you had a girlfriend. I didn’t believe her.” She says more to Kimber than to Decklan. “It’s so nice to meet you.” She pulls Kimber into a hug like she’s known her for years. “It’s nice to meet you, too,” Kimber gets out, clearly taken aback by my sister’s affection. Kimber has already met my other sister, Mia. Let’s just say she’s not quite so warm and fuzzy. More like a judgmental bitch if you ask me. It’s apparent that Charlie is not at all what Kimber was expecting. “What’s up, man?” I nod in Deck’s direction as Charlie turns back toward me. “What’s up?” He reaches out, knocking his fist against mine. “Oh god, you guys are still doing that fist bump nonsense,” Charlie chimes in, her dark eyes bouncing back and forth between the two of us. “Why mess with a good thing?’ I shrug. “Good to see some things never change.” She giggles. “Come on, Kimber.” Charlie snags her hand and drags her away from Decklan. “I’m dying to hear all about how the two of you met.” Kimber throws Decklan a surprised and somewhat scared expression as she is toted away by my younger sister. He shakes his head on a laugh, throwing her a playful wink. “Does she seem weird to you?” I ask Deck the moment they disappear around the corner. “Like she’s trying too hard?” Decklan speaks exactly where my mind is at. “Yep. Something’s not right with her.” “I mean, we’ve only seen her once in three years, Gav. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Time changes people,” Decklan interjects. “Yeah, no shit.” I throw him a sideways glance. He’s changed more than anyone over these past few months. I sure as shit never expected him to be the first one to settle down with just one woman and yet, here he is. “Just give her some time to get re-acclimated,” he adds, ignoring my statement. “It’s gotta be weird being back here after all this time. Did she say why she left New York?” “Nope. Of course, I only got here about three minutes before you, so we haven’t really had the chance to talk.” “Well you know your sister, if she wants you to know, you’ll know. If she doesn’t, then you won’t.” He shakes his head on a laugh. “What’s with you tonight?” I give him a curious glance. He seems almost giddy and Decklan doesn’t get giddy. Hell, up until a couple months ago he barely even fucking smiled. “Nothing.” His smile fades as he tries to reign himself in. “Fuck you, dude, you’re a horrible liar.” “Who’s a liar?” Paxton appears out of nowhere, stepping up next to Decklan to join in on the conversation. “When the fuck did you get here?” I turn toward him. “Just now,” he answers without looking in my direction. “Now what are we talking about?” “Decklan over here smiling like a giddy school girl?” I gesture to Deck who rolls his eyes and laughs. Standing in the living room of the house I grew up in, I think this is the first time we have all been under this same roof together since before Dad passed. It seems weird, how much things have changed. And yet oddly enough it almost feels like nothing has changed all at the same time.

Decklan manages to change the conversation from him to Paxton without even skipping a beat. Before I know it we are doubled over laughing as Paxton retells the story of when my mom caught him whacking it in the bathroom one night. “I couldn’t fucking help it. I hadn’t gotten off in like three days,” he interjects through his laughter. “So you thought it was a good idea to sneak into a bathroom at your best friend’s house and beat it?” Decklan holds his stomach as another bout of laughter rolls through him. “No doubt. Fuck, dude, did you ever think to lock the door?” I tack on. “Fuck you, guys.” Paxton shoves my shoulder. “Please tell me you’re not talking about what I think you are.” My mom appears in the doorway, even smaller and more petite than Charlie, wiping her hands on the light blue apron draped around her neck. “Hi, Rosie.” Paxton’s laughter dies off instantly as he gives my mom an apologetic smile. “Boys.” She shakes her head, her auburn hair tied back so tightly it doesn’t move as she does. “Well come on you three. Dinner’s gonna be cold by the time you lot get in there.” She gestures for us to head into the dining room. Paxton drops a kiss on her forehead as he passes and then Decklan pulls her in for a hug before he too disappears down the hall. “How are you, my boy?” Mom stops me before I can pass, pinning her blue eyes directly on my matching ones. “I’m good, Mom.” I give her a warm smile before kissing her cheek. “Besides the fact that I’m starving.” I drop my arm over her shoulder and walk with her into the dining room. Various conversations and laughter dance around us as we enter, and I take a moment to soak it all in. Having Charlie and Paxton both back home seems strange but incredible at the same time. It feels good having everyone back together again. It’s been far too long since our family has really felt whole.

Chapter Five Harlee I have knots in the pit of my stomach as we approach the long line that has formed outside of Deviants. Residing in the heart of Portland, the establishment is almost always hopping but tonight it’s off the charts. There has to be at least a hundred people or more waiting to get inside. I can’t help but wonder how long these people will wait before finally giving up and going elsewhere. Considering it’s New Year’s Eve, I would think they wouldn’t want to spend their opening moments of the new year standing outside in the freezing cold. “Well, this just sucks,” Trenton, Angel’s date, chimes in from behind me. “We’ll never get in.” “Relax.” Angel nudges her shoulder against his. “We got connections.” She winks before taking off toward the entrance, Trenton fast on her heels. I watch as she saunters up to one of the bouncers, placing her hand on his shoulder as she leans in and speaks directly into his ear. A slow smile spreads across his round face and he nods. She’s clearly telling him more than just our names. I can’t help but shake my head on a laugh. Fucking Angel. That girl can make any man eat out of the palm of her hand. Especially tonight. She looks incredible. Not that she doesn’t always, but tonight she really looks killer. The normal blue highlights that streak her shoulder length dark hair have been traded in for purple ones. The color accents the deep shade of her dress perfectly giving the almost black material a plum appearance. I’m actually pretty surprised she brought Trenton with her. Usually on nights like tonight she likes to play the field. I know this means she must actually like this guy. I wish I could say that doesn’t surprise me, but it kind of does. I mean, he’s an attractive enough guy. Short dark hair, kind of bulky, eyes so dark they are almost black. Of course, his southern drawl doesn’t hurt matters. I swear every time he calls her darlin’ I melt a little. I’m just surprised when any man can hold my crazy best friend’s attention longer than five minutes. “Come on.” I entwine my hand in Bryan’s and drag him toward Angel and Trenton. By the time we reach the two bouncers manning the door, Angel has already managed to get us inside. Of course, I knew that wouldn’t be an issue. Kimber said she had us on the very short list of spots reserved for friends. “Wow.” Bryan sighs next to me the moment we step inside. Per usual, the boys have gone all out. The glass top bar that extends the entire left side of the room is lined with bright green and purple lights giving it a glowing effect. A large ball made to look like the one in Times Square, only on a much smaller scale, hangs over the center of the dance floor, casting shadows of light across the large crowd of people gathered there. I recognize the man standing on the stage almost instantly. Paxton, I think. I’ve only met him once, but I know he’s a friend of Decklan and Gavin’s. He strums his guitar effortlessly as he sings out over the crowd, his voice so seductive and raspy that within seconds goose bumps erupt across my skin. It should be illegal to be that attractive and that talented all at the same time. His brown hair is short and perfectly styled, his facial hair well-kept with just enough scruff to make him even sexier than he would be otherwise. His clearly toned body is clad in dark jeans and a tight fitted V-neck white shirt that

puts every one of his rippling ab muscles on full display. And while normally I would be melting on the spot watching this man perform, it’s another man entirely that captures my attention and immediately causes my heart to gallop inside my chest... Gavin. He’s standing off to the side of the stage, two women draped on either side of him. He’s swaying back and forth, laughing like he doesn’t have a care in the world. I wish it didn’t bother me to see him like this but honestly, it sends an anger through me that I have trouble wiping off my face before anyone notices it’s there. “We should find Kimber,” Angel hollers over the noise, pulling my attention to where she is standing next to me. “Okay,” I agree, tightening my grip on Bryan’s hand as I finally look in his direction. He’s wearing that sweet carefree smile, scoping the room out like it’s the coolest thing he’s ever seen. The sight instantly calms the rage I felt only moments ago. Bryan is such a laid back, fun loving person. His laughter and smile are so infectious it’s almost impossible to feel anything but happiness in his presence. I need to focus on that. My fun, attractive, beach bum of a date and not the sexy as sin, bad boy, bar owner that seems to evoke so many different emotions from me that just one look has me feeling like my head is going to explode. “Harlee,” I hear Kimber’s voice wash over the noise from the crowd, and I look to my right just in time to see her push through a group of people before stepping up next to me. “I’m so glad you could make it.” She gives me a brief hug before turning to Angel who pulls Kimber directly into her chest. “Hey sexy,” Angel purrs playfully. “You look HOT!” She trails her eyes down Kimber’s petite frame just seconds after releasing her. “I dare say I’ve rubbed off on you.” She gestures to the red lace dress that makes Kimber look like she just stepped out of a fashion magazine. The material clings to her small frame, accenting her chest and hips before coming to a stop just inches above her knee. The fact that she has no idea how pretty she is makes her even more so. “Oh God.” Kimber fakes disgust. “Please say I don’t look like, Angel.” She turns toward me, a smile playing on her lips. “Well.” I shrug, laughing when her mouth forms an O of surprise. “You don’t look as slutty if that helps,” I add playfully. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Angel tacks on, not the least bit offended by me and Kimber’s obvious teasing. “Take pride in the fact that you can have any man in this entire room.” She grins, ignoring the look of confusion that has taken over Trenton’s face. “Don’t worry. I’ve got my man,” She reassures him, pushing up on her tiptoes to kiss his jaw. “Yeah, so do I.” Kimber smiles over my shoulder, her attention drawn to something approaching behind me. I know it’s Decklan before he even reaches us. I can tell by the way Kimber’s skin flushes pink and her eyes take on an almost fogged expression. When he steps up next to her and pulls her into his arms, I try to ignore the ping of jealousy that coils in my stomach. I’m not jealous because I want Decklan. Though he, like his friends, is impossibly attractive, he’s always been Kimber’s. That’s what makes me jealous. The love, the passion, and the claim they seem to have on each other. It’s like no one else exists when they’re together. It’s something I never really knew I wanted until I saw it up close. They are such the perfect contradiction. Kimber’s short and slender, reserved and proper. Always the good girl. Decklan is a tall drink of muscles and sexy hair. He’s the drinker and the smoker. The ultimate bad boy. She’s soft where he’s hard. She’s sweet where he’s bitter. They make no sense and yet, they are perfect together.

“So glad you guys could make it.” He finally turns his attention to our little group, his intense gray eyes bouncing between the four of us. “You must be Bryan.” He extends his hand to the man standing next to me, using his other hand to push his hair out of his face. “It’s nice to meet you.” Bryan takes his hand and gives it a brief shake. “Trenton.” Angel’s date introduces himself next. “Kimber has bracelets for everyone. You’re on my tab for the night so enjoy yourselves.” He gives us one last glance before leaning down and whispering something in Kimber’s ear. She nods and gives him a sweet smile before he disappears back into the crowd. “Come on,” Kimber announces, cocking her head toward the bar before, setting off in that direction. Moments later we are all supplied with bracelets that allow us to drink for the night. Despite the fact that Angel, Kimber, and myself are all under the age of twenty-one, Decklan has always allowed us to drink here which is definitely a perk because right now I could really use a shot. I feel so high strung and nervous. I wish I could say I didn’t know why, but I know the exact cause for my feelings. Kimber disappears a few minutes after showing us to a table she reserved for us along the far back wall. It’s the perfect spot. It’s far enough away from the dance floor that we can hear ourselves think but still in the heart of it all at the same time. By the time the headlining act Technolights hits the stage several minutes later, I’ve managed to suck down two martinis. As soon as the catchy upbeat music thumps through the speakers, the four of us waste no time hitting the dance floor. I spend the next hour and a half taking shots and dancing like a lunatic with Bryan who is even more fun with a couple of drinks in him. He slides across the dance floor like he owns the place, his moves putting everyone else’s to shame. When I excuse myself to run to the ladies room just ten minutes before midnight, I’ve almost forgotten all about Gavin Porter... Almost. It takes me several moments to push my way through the crowd as I make my way toward the back hallway that houses the bathrooms, my steps faltering the moment I see the line coming out of the small two-stall room. Knowing there’s no way I will be able to hold it that long, I cut back toward the bar where Kimber and Decklan are helping the three bartenders behind the counter pour and distribute glasses of champagne to the entire room to toast the new year. “I need to use the bathroom.” I mouth to Kimber who catches sight of me the moment I step up next to the bar. Her eyes flick behind me to the bathroom line that is visible from where she’s standing and then back to me. She nods, nudging Decklan in the ribs to get his attention. She turns toward him, no doubt asking him if I can use the restroom in his upstairs apartment. He too looks behind me at the line and then nods. Seconds later Kimber grabs a set of keys from a hook next to the register and crosses toward me. “Just make sure you lock it when you come down,” she yells over the music, dropping the keys into my hand before spinning back toward the bar. Knowing there isn’t much time before the countdown, I quickly push my way inside the stairwell, locking the door behind me before climbing the stairs that lead up to Decklan’s apartment two at a time. I don’t take any time to look around as I quickly push my way inside and cross to the far wall where I know the bathroom is. Disappearing inside, I empty my bladder and wash my hands as quick as my extremely buzzed state will allow. It isn’t until I exit the bathroom moments later that I realize I’m not alone. I jump and scream when a voice washes over me, the sound instantly startling me.

“Having fun?” I recognize Gavin’s deep voice the moment he speaks, even though his body is hidden in the shadows. “Why are you up here and not downstairs enjoying your party?” I try to keep my tone even as I stare back at the silhouette of him on the couch. “Why are you?” I can see the bottle as he lifts it to his lips but can’t make out what exactly he’s drinking. The only light in the apartment is being provided by a street lamp that sits just a few feet from one of the windows along the back wall of the living room-bedroom combo. It offers enough light that we aren’t blanketed in darkness but is still not enough to offer any real visibility into the small space. I expect him to say something else, but he remains silent for several beats before finally pushing to his feet. He steps directly into the light filtering into the room, his blue eyes immediately locking on mine. “I had to use the restroom,” I stutter out, answering his previous question in an attempt to mask the sound of my heart beating against my ribcage. “I gathered that much.” His voice is laced with a hint of humor. “Well, I should get back downstairs,” I say, turning toward the door. I get all of three steps in before Gavin’s broad frame steps directly in front of me, effectively blocking my ability to exit. “Or you could stay.” He leans in so close I can feel his breath against my face. “I don’t think my boyfriend would like that very much,” I bite, finally meeting his intense gaze. “Boyfriend.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement. One that he ponders for a long moment before a wide smile spreads across his impossibly handsome face. My breath catches in my throat as he takes a commanding step toward me and then another. His steps forward match my steps backward until my back becomes flush with a wall and I can move no further. “You got the boy part right.” He runs his nose up my neck, inhaling deeply as he does. A soft moan escapes my throat in spite of myself. No matter how much I want to hold it together, I can’t seem to muster the strength to do so. My head is swimming with alcohol and the effects of the man pinning me between the wall and his hard muscular body. “Mmm.” He lets out a light chuckle at my reaction. “He’s more of a man than you are,” I finally manage to choke out. “Is that so?” His lips hover just inches from mine. “Tell me. Does your skin tingle under his touch like it does mine?” He trails the back of his hand down my arm, causing my skin to prickle beneath his touch. “Does your body come to life for him like it does for me?” He trails his lips down my jaw causing heat to warm my body. “Does just the sound of his voice make you wet?” He slides his hand up the short length of my dress, his fingers grazing the now soaked material of my thong. “Stop.” The word is breathy and barely breaks the surface. “You want me to stop?” he teases. To my relief and disappointment, his hand immediately falls away, reappearing moments later when it clamps down on my hip. “When you’re ready for a real man, you know where to find me.” The last word is barely off his tongue before his mouth crashes down on mine. His kiss is hard and punishing. He’s claiming me. He’s making sure that I feel the effects of this kiss long after his lips leave mine. And I’m powerless to stop it. I melt into him, having no choice but to let him do with me what he will. When he finally pulls back, I’m a disheveled mess of flushed skin and panting breaths. I hate that he has such an effect on me, and I hate even more that I let him see that effect. “Happy New Year, Harlee,” he breathes against my mouth before pushing away from me.

He spins, disappearing from the apartment before I can even muster the strength to speak. I stare at the back of the door for several long moments before Bryan’s face flashes in front of my eyes. Fuck. I rush through the apartment and down the stairs, my weak legs protesting with each step I take. When I finally push my way into the bar, the entire crowd is humming with life. Champagne glasses are being lifted in toast and clanked together. Multicolored confetti floats through the air as couples embrace and friends hug. I drop Decklan’s keys onto the back of the bar and immediately start to scan the crowd trying to find Bryan, panic rising in my chest. What I find instead is Gavin, surrounded by at least four different women, all of which seem to be waiting to kiss him. I fight the shudder that runs through me when a tall, lengthy brunette steps up and shoves her tongue down his throat. His hand immediately skirts across her ass which is practically hanging out of the bottom of her too short skirt. I swallow down the bile that rises in my throat, quickly spinning and setting off in the direction of our table. When I finally reach it, no one is there. I twist back around just in time to see Bryan making his way toward me, a wide smile across his cute face. “Happy New Year.” He pulls me into his chest the moment he reaches me. “Happy New Year,” I respond weakly, trying to act completely normal as he lowers his mouth to mine and lays a gentle kiss to my lips. I try to ignore the lack of heat in that kiss. The lack of intensity or the passion that burns me from the inside out like Gavin’s kiss does. I try to push all of that from my mind and try to focus on the man in front of me. The man who doesn’t purposely toy with me or drape other women in my face. The sweet man who just wants to be with me. “Boy.” Gavin’s voice corrects me in my head. Guilt washes through me when Bryan pulls back and hits me with another sweet smile. I’m forced to accept the reality of my actions and the repercussions those actions are likely to have. The last thing I want to do is hurt Bryan. I also don’t want to lose him. Not for a man who has made it so very clear that this is just a game to him. What a great way to start the new year. I let Gavin see that he has the upper hand with me. A position I never wanted to give away. I let him kiss me. I let him touch me. Hell, I wanted him to. And now I have to live with that choice.

Chapter Six Harlee “What’s up with you?” My Aunt Joy asks, causing me to look up from the half-eaten sandwich on the plate in front of me. Usually eating at my favorite deli always makes my day better, but today I am in no mood. Even my favorite Rueben on rye can’t seem to shake the dark cloud hanging over me. “What?” I question, trying to play if off like I have no idea what she’s talking about. “Harlee Rose Travers, I have known you for far too long to not know when something is up. And something is most certainly up. Spill.” Her thin lips spread into a flat line as she gazes back at me. Joy is the closest thing I have to a mother. Hell, she’s really the only family I have left. The last piece of a family that was ripped apart by infidelity, theft, and drugs. My real mother was too busy popping pills and fucking random strangers to have any time to raise me. I had to learn to take care of myself at a very young age. She died when I was ten. She left me alone with my criminal of a father that was no better of a parent than she had been. Of course, none of that mattered when he was sentenced to ten years in prison for armed robbery just two weeks after my fifteenth birthday. I thought that was it. I thought for sure I was going to end up living on the streets or at best, in a group home. But then Joy came along. My father’s only sibling, I didn’t even know she existed until she showed up one day and told me that I was coming home with her. Joy was six years younger than my dad. She had moved away at eighteen and married a wealthy man thirty years her senior. He died three years before she adopted me, leaving her with more money than she’s likely to spend in her lifetime. “Oh god, you’re pregnant.” She covers her mouth with her hand when I don’t respond. “I’m not pregnant.” I shake my head adamantly. “Oh thank god.” Relief floods her face and for the first time, I notice the small wrinkles that line her eyes, intensifying her look of concern. She’s only in her mid-thirties and not a fan of aging. I learned that the hard way when I pointed out she had a gray hair once. She dropped everything and went directly to the salon. Over one gray hair! She’s rich and therefore all about appearances. If I point out the obvious signs that she’s getting older, she will be on the phone scheduling Botox before anyone will be able to try and talk some sense into her. “Cause you know I am way too young to be a grandma.” She thinks on the statement. “Great aunt.” She tosses it around. “Nope, either way, it just makes me sound old.” She wrinkles her little nose in disgust, throwing her light brown hair behind her shoulders. “Again, not pregnant.” I don’t try to hide my annoyance over this conversation. “Then what is it?” She hits me with big hazel eyes; eyes that are almost an exact match to mine. “And don’t say it’s nothing. We both know you’d be lying.” “How did you know you loved Jack?” I ask, referring to her late husband. She cocks a brow at me and studies me curiously for a long moment before finally answering my question.

“I don’t know. How does anyone know they love someone? I think you just know.” She shrugs, swirling her manicured fingertip over the rim of her tea glass. “Why do you ask?” She bolts upright before I have a chance to respond. “Oh. My. God. Did you meet someone?” She looks at me like I have five heads. “Why do you seem so surprised?” “Really?” she blurts sarcastically, crossing her arms over her surgically-modified breasts as she leans back in the chair. “This from the girl who couldn’t stand to go on a date with the same boy twice. I guess I just find it hard to believe that any guy would be special enough to tie you down.” “Two.” My voice comes out strained. “Two?” she questions, clearly not picking up what I’m trying to tell her. “There are two of them.” I bite my bottom lip. Just thinking about my situation makes my stomach want to reject everything I’ve managed to put in it in the last few minutes. “Well don’t just leave me sitting her in anticipation. Tell me everything.” She leans forward, resting her elbows on the table in front of her. She seems overly eager to hear what I have to say. Like a paparazzi waiting for me to reveal some huge celebrity secret that’s going to skyrocket their career instantaneously. Oddly enough, though, her reaction somewhat puts me at ease. It’s hard enough talking to her about these things. I’m not the most open person. Hell, I’ve been seeing Bryan for weeks now and this is the first time I am even mentioning him to her. Taking a deep breath, the words start flowing from my mouth. Once they do I can’t make them stop. They pour from my lips one on top of the other, and before I know it, I have relived every last detail of the last three months out loud, including my last encounter with Gavin three days ago. “What do you think I should do?” I finally let out a long sigh and relax back into my chair. “I can’t tell you what you should do, but it sounds to me like you already know,” she says, taking a long drink of her iced tea. “No, I don’t. That’s why I’m asking you,” I object. “It’s clear who you want. I’m a firm believer in going with your gut. Had I listened to everyone when they warned me about marrying Jack, I would have missed out on the best ten years of my life. We didn’t make sense and most of his family assumed I was marrying him for his money, but he knew better. He knew I loved him. God help me did I ever.” Her eyes glass over as she speaks. “Every time that man stepped foot in the same room with me, my body would come to life. Even if I couldn’t see him, I could always tell when he was near.” “Gavin.” His name falls from my lips without even a thought. The moment it does I want to suck it back in and swallow it down. I don’t want it to be his name that falls from lips— his name makes my heart speed up— his name makes my skin burn. I don’t want anything to do with him and yet, he’s all I want. I know it without a second thought. But that doesn’t change the way I feel about Bryan, either. Over the last few weeks, I have come to really care for him. He makes me laugh. He holds me when I’m upset. Brings me flowers when I’m sad or stressed. He does everything he can to bring a smile to my face. Something has to be said about that too, right? It can’t all be in the physical pull you feel toward someone. “My advice,” Joy interrupts my raging thoughts. “If you’re really that torn, talk to Gavin. Feel things out. See where he stands. I can see in the way you speak his name that he has a hold on you. But I also get your reservations about not wanting to throw away what you could have with Bryan over a guy who may or may not want more from you.” “So what are you suggesting? That I just show up wherever he is and demand to know what his intentions are with me? Cause that’s not completely desperate or anything.” I drop my head into my hands

on a frustrated growl. “All I’m saying is give it time. You don’t have to figure it out today. The answer may find you when you least expect it. You can’t force these things, no matter how badly you may want to. I know how desperately you need to control this situation, but some things are simply beyond our ability to control.” “Easier said than done,” I whine, looking back up to meet her gaze. “Find the one that speaks to your soul. When you’ve made your choice, you’ll know it. It won’t even be a choice anymore.” “God, who are you and what have you done with Joy? Here I expected some off the wall advice like — like sleep with them both and decide which one’s dick you like better.” I let out on a frustrated groan. “Well you’ve already slept with them both,” she reminds me, laughing when I give her an evil glare across the table. “I mean, sleep with both of them and find out which one’s dick you like better.” She smiles widely. “Better?” “Not at all,” I laugh, feeling no better about my situation. “Well when you do, you be sure to call me. And if you need me to check them both out and tell you which one I’d pick, I’d be happy to do that, too.” She smiles wickedly. “Does whose dick I like better count?” “Don’t be gross.” I shake my head, her comment pulling the first real laugh from me in days. “There she is.” She smiles, leaning forward to lay a brief kiss to the top of my head before pushing into a full stand. “I have to go. Maria hates when I’m late.” She winks. “Call me.” “I will,” I agree, throwing her a small wave as she spins around and walks away. Knowing I need to get some shopping done to prepare for my upcoming semester which starts in two days, I push into a stand, throwing my long pea coat over my shoulders before grabbing my phone from the table. I no more than get my fingers closed around it when it buzzes to life in my hand, an unknown number dancing across the screen. I immediately hit ignore. I make it a habit to send any number I don’t recognize to voicemail. Sliding it into my jacket pocket, it vibrates again just seconds after I step out onto the sidewalk. Same number. “Seriously?” I mutter to myself, once again hitting the ignore button. “You know, I don’t much like being sent to voicemail.” A familiar voice washes over me. I look up to see Gavin leaning against his truck which is parked on the street directly in front of the sandwich shop. I suck in a ragged breath at the sight of him. His dark hair is hidden beneath a black beanie. His muscular body accented by a pair of dark jeans and a gray shirt that is only partly visible underneath his black jacket. “What are you doing here?” The question is off my lips before I’ve even fully comprehended that he’s here. “I was having lunch with my sister.” He points to the little Chinese restaurant to the right of the deli. “And you just happened to know I was here, how?” I question, not able to chalk this up to coincidence. “Because I saw you through the window.” He points through the large bay window that gives a clear view of the inside of the deli and its patrons. “How did you get my number?” I bounce to the next question. “Stole it out of Decklan’s phone.” He smiles like he’s really proud of himself for that one. “Well, maybe you should have gotten the hint the first time I sent you to voicemail.” I shove my phone into my pocket and set off down the sidewalk, knowing he will follow me. Sure enough, within moments he steps up next to me, matching me stride for stride. “Do you mind?” I throw him an annoyed glance.

“Not at all.” He smiles. “What do you want?” I stop abruptly, causing a woman walking hand in hand with a small child to sidestep to get past me. “Now is that any way to talk to a friend?” His lopsided smile may be enough to distract my eyes, but it’s not enough to melt my resolve. “We’re not friends.” I act bored by this exchange. “Well, now my feelings are hurt.” He huffs, prompting a laugh to bubble in my throat. “You’re really something else, you know that?” I shake my head, not able to rid the smile that has crept its way onto my face. “What are you doing now?” He’s like a curious child playing twenty questions. “I have a few things to pick up from the store. Anything else you need to know?” “Want some company?” His offer catches me off guard. “You want to come to the store with me?” I hit him with a curious look. “Not really,” he answers on a laugh, his cheeks starting to turn red from the cold. “But I do want to spend time with you. So what store are we going to?” “You have got to be kidding me right now?” I spin around and take off walking again, trying to ignore the fact that he’s still directly by my side. The fates must find some humor in my discomfort because for the life of me I can’t figure out why I keep ending up in these ridiculous situations.

Chapter Seven Gavin Harlee tries to act like she’s annoyed that I chose to follow her into the secondhand bookstore, but the sideways glances she keeps throwing in my direction tell me she’s anything but annoyed. I didn’t actually expect my little play on her on New Year’s to have such an effect, but it’s clear that I have definitely ruffled her feathers a bit. I like that she’s agitated. I like that she’s frustrated. It will make fucking her again that much more satisfying. Just the thought of her taking out her frustrations on my back with her nails causes my dick to spring to life. Down boy. “So what are we looking for?” I shove an old worn book back onto the shelf before turning toward Harlee who pretends not to hear me. “What are you doing?” She finally spins toward me, tucking the book in her hand under her arm. “Apparently, I’m shopping for used books,” I say, a smile creeping across my face. “No. I mean what are you really doing? You’re not a student. You clearly have no need for used textbooks. You’re here to rile me up. Why?” She narrows her eyes at me. “I’m just catching up with a friend.” I shrug casually, picking up another book off the shelf. “Bullshit.” She rips the book from my hand, pulling my gaze back toward her. “We aren’t friends, so why are you torturing me?” “I didn’t realize I was.” Again I keep my tone light and casual. Her nostrils flare slightly as a frustrated growl breaks from her lips. “Go away, Gavin,” she bites, spinning around as she stomps toward the back of the store. “Is that what you really want?” I ask, stepping up behind her. “If your plan is to see how far you can push me with your little games until I finally lose it, you’ve just about succeeded.” “Hey.” I grab her shoulder, spinning her toward me. “I’m sorry.” All the playfulness is gone this time. “I’m not trying to play games with you.” “No?” she questions. “Because it sure feels like that’s exactly what you’re doing.” “Fuck.” I sigh. Gripping the bridge of my nose between two fingers, I take a deep inhale. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” I admit, dropping my hand away. “You make me fucking crazy.” “I make you crazy?” she bites. “How the hell do you think you make me feel? One minute you’re all over me, the next it’s like I don’t exist. Back and forth we go in this endless cycle. I’m starting to think this is fun for you.” “It isn’t. You just... Fuck, Harlee, I can’t stop thinking about you.” I can see the surprise that flashes across her face for the briefest moment but it’s quickly replaced by anger. “Well that’s too fucking bad, isn’t it? You should have thought about that after you blew me off and then treated me the way you did at the cemetery. Let’s not forget the bullshit you pulled at the New Year’s Eve party either.”

“Are you really mad that I kissed you that night, or are you just mad that you liked it?” I take a commanding step toward her. “I’m mad that you wait until I am dating someone else, who I really like by the way, to decide you actually want to have something to do with me.” She doesn’t pull away when I reach for her hand, pulling it into mine. “If you liked him that much, you wouldn’t have let me kiss you in the first place.” I lean in, our faces now so close that a mere two inches separates the distance between us. It doesn’t matter that we’re standing in the middle of an old, musty bookstore. It doesn’t matter that moments ago she was on the verge of slapping me. It doesn’t matter that she’s seeing someone who isn’t me. All that matters is the way I feel her hand tremble in mine as I lean down and press my mouth to hers. It’s the softest swipe of my lips against hers, but it does the trick. I can physically feel her resolve melt away. She lets out a small whimper, clearly wanting more. Wrapping my arm around her waist, I settle my hand against the small of her back. Pulling her firmly against me, I deepen the kiss, my clear arousal apparent as it presses into her stomach. “Gavin, please.” She pants as I trail my tongue between the seam of her lips. “I want you.” I grind my erection harder against her. “I want to feel you.” I suck her bottom lip into my mouth before slowly pulling away. “Is that clear enough for you?” She sways slightly, clearly off balance. The realization that I did this to her instantly brings a smile to my face. I’ve got her. Even if she doesn’t want to admit it just yet, I know it. “Now hurry the fuck up,” I growl, kissing her forehead before spinning and walking away, leaving her standing in the middle of the bookstore still completely confused about what the hell just happened. It’s less than fifteen minutes before she finally emerges from the store, a large plastic bag dangling from her fingers. The moment her eyes spot me they widen. She clearly was not expecting me to still be here waiting for her. “I thought you left.” I can see the glimmer of relief in her eyes despite the fact that she tries to act completely unaffected. “It seemed as though I was more of a distraction than anything.” I tilt my head toward the store. “I figured you could use a minute to get the stuff you needed.” “O-k-a-y,” she draws out, turning left to head back in the direction we came. “When do your classes start back up?” I try to make casual conversation. It’s clear that I’ve pushed my luck with her. Maybe it’s time I work on actually showing her why she shouldn’t hate my guts. “Tuesday.” She keeps her eyes focused forward. “I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned what you’re studying.” I pry, genuinely curious to learn more about this girl. “Probably because you’ve never cared to ask.” A small smile plays on her mouth and I can tell she rather enjoys busting my balls. “Fair enough. So, what are you studying?” I ask when she makes no attempt to offer the information. “Substance abuse counseling,” she says, keeping her gaze focused in front of her. “Really? Any particular reason?” “Just seems like a good way to be able to help people.” She flashes her hazel eyes at me for the briefest moment, and I swear I see a hint of sadness behind them. I’m starting to understand that there is much more to this girl than I originally thought. “Don’t want to talk about it. Accepted.” I nudge her shoulder with mine. “But for the record, I’m a pretty good listener if given the chance.” “For some reason I find that hard to believe,” she jabs again.

“Ouch,” I say, acting as if she’s physically wounded me. “That hurts.” “Shut up,” she laughs, shaking her head as she meets my gaze again. “I like your laugh.” I reach out, wrapping my fingers around hers. It surprises me that she allows me to hold her hand, but it surprises me even more how much I enjoy doing it. “Almost as much I like the sound of you moaning,” I tack on, raising my eyebrows up and down suggestively. “Oh my god. You really are something else.” She laughs again, turning her face in an attempt to hide her blush. “What are you doing Friday night?” I ask, turning my gaze forward. “I’m not sure yet, why?” “A few of us are getting together for dinner. Nothing fancy. Just a casual sit down with some friends. You interested?” “I shouldn’t.” She shakes her head. “You should,” I correct her. “Kimber and Decklan will be there. As will Paxton, my sister Charlie, and maybe a couple others. Come on, it’ll be fun.” “Maybe another time.” She once again refuses. “You know, it’s not illegal for us to actually hang out,” I remind her. “Gavin, I have a boyfriend.” She hits me with a look that says she wishes she didn’t. “You don’t need to remind me. I am perfectly aware of the boy you insist on claiming is your boyfriend.” “He is my boyfriend,” she objects. “We’ve been dating exclusively for nearly a month now.” “Have you now?” I hold up our entwined hands, tightening my grip when she starts to pull away. “It didn’t seem so exclusive when you were kissing me.” “I...” she starts, but I cut her off. “Look, you’re seeing someone, I get it. That doesn’t mean I have to like it or that I’m just going to accept it. It just means I’m going to have to try that much harder to make sure it doesn’t work out.” The shock that registers on her face is both fucking adorable and infuriating. What the fuck does she think I’m doing here? I thought I’d made it pretty clear that she’s what I want. Maybe I haven’t been clear enough. “Well you’re wasting your time,” she says before tugging her hand out of mine. Coming to an abrupt halt, she spins toward me, clearly ready to give me an earful. But before she can get anything out, my hands are on her face, cupping her cold cheeks against my palms as I drop my lips to hers. As much as she tries to fight this, her reaction to my kiss gives her away. It’s soft and brief, but once again I feel like it makes my point. Slowly pulling away, I put only a few inches of distance between us. “You can pretend all you want, Harlee. But what you really want couldn’t be clearer. So let me be equally as clear. I want you. And when I want something, I get it.” I give her a cocky smile, letting my hands fall from her face before sidestepping past her. She opens her mouth like she’s about to argue but then closes it again, something obviously catching her attention. Panic flashes across her flushed face before she eventually plasters on a fake smile and straightens her shoulders. It isn’t until I follow her line of sight that I see the douche bag she’s dating heading toward us, his eyes bouncing between the two of us. “Hey.” She smiles when he steps up directly in front of her. “Hey.” He leans forward, casually dropping a kiss to her forehead. The action makes me want to shove his fucking ass through the window of the flower shop next to us. But given the relief that seems to wash over Harlee, I refrain from doing anything to ruffle his feathers. It’s clear he didn’t see our little interaction just moments prior, though a part of me wishes he had.

“I tried calling you,” he continues, his focus firmly on her. “Oh sorry. I had lunch with Joy and then had to run to the bookstore.” She holds up the bag in her hand. “I ran into Gavin along the way.” She flips her eyes to me, the small glimmer of panic evident in her stare. She watches me warily, clearly very concerned about what I might do or say. I throw her a knowing smile and then turn toward the boy. “Gavin Porter.” I extend my hand to him. “I don’t believe we’ve officially met. You came to my bar on New Year’s.” “The business partner.” He connects the dots, giving my hand a brief shake before pulling back. “I had the pleasure of meeting Decklan a few days ago.” “Well I don’t know how much of a pleasure meeting that asshat is, but I’ll tell him you said so.” He laughs at my obvious joking. “Quite a place you guys have over there. I appreciate you guys showing us such a great time.” He seems completely at ease with me which bothers me more than it should. The last thing I want him to feel in my presence is comfortable. “Glad you enjoyed yourself.” I nod. “Oh we did, didn’t we, babe.” He drops an arm over Harlee’s shoulder. The action causes me to twitch slightly. “We did,” she confirms, wrapping her arm around his waist as if to make a point about my earlier statement. “You want to go grab some coffee?” He turns his attention back to Harlee, tucking a long strand of light blonde hair behind her ear. His hand lingers on the side of her face just a fraction too long, and I have to shove my hands into my pockets to keep myself from pushing him off of her. “Sure.” She gives him a sweet smile, pushing up to lay a kiss to his jaw. Now who’s toying with whom? “Gavin, you’re welcome to join us.” Bryan turns back to me. The laid back surfer thing he has going on for whatever reason grates on me. Probably because if not for the woman standing between us, I might actually like the cock sucker. Regardless, I have no desire to sit and watch him hang all over Harlee. Of course, the thought of what might happen if I’m not there is even worse. “No. No thanks.” I shake my head, not missing the relief that flashes across Harlee’s face. “It was good seeing you again, Harlee,” I say, meeting her eyes for a brief moment. “Nice meeting you, man.” I nod toward Bryan. “You, too,” he calls after me as I take off down the sidewalk back toward my truck. Anger spirals through me. It takes everything I have not to turn around and force her to come with me. That little shit display she put on was the weakest attempt I have ever seen at trying to deter me from pursuing her. If anything, she has made this an even more interesting little game we seem to be playing now. She wants to dangle her little boy in front of me? She thinks that’s gonna scare me off? She has no fucking clue who the hell she’s dealing with. Challenge accepted.

Chapter Eight Harlee “Why am I doing this?” I stare at my reflection, wondering what on earth could have possessed me to agree to Kimber’s invitation for dinner when I had already declined Gavin’s. I catch my hazel eyes in the floor length mirror and study myself for a long moment. As much as I try to convince myself that the only reason I am doing this is because Kimber asked me to, I know that’s not the case. Just like with New Year’s, a part of me is one hundred percent aware that my reasoning has much more to do with a handsome cocky bar owner than it does my friend. No matter how much I tell myself what a horrible idea this is, I’m determined to prove to myself that I can exist in a world where Gavin Porter is nothing more than my friend’s boyfriend’s best friend. I’ve made my choice. Bryan. He’s sweet and kind, fun and charming. He doesn’t send me soaring on the emotional rollercoaster that Gavin does. He doesn’t play games or purposely try to rile me up to see how far he can push me. He wants nothing more from me than me. I’d be an idiot to throw all that away for a man like Gavin Porter. Taking a deep breath, I straighten the hem of my black sweater dress before taking a step back to inspect the rest of my attire; dark gray leggings partnered with two-inch black heels. It’s a cute outfit but casual enough that it doesn’t look like I’m trying too hard. This is exactly the type of outfit a girl wears out to a casual dinner with friends which is precisely why I picked it. I decided to leave my long light blonde hair hanging down my back in loose curls and kept my makeup light; limiting myself to nude colors, a light coating of mascara, and clear lip gloss. I’m trying my best not to try too hard and yet I still can’t help but feel like trying too hard is exactly what I’m doing. “You ready? Car’s here.” Kimber pulls my attention to where she’s standing next to the door, a small clutch purse in her hand. I hadn’t even realized she was ready yet, but it’s clear to see she’s been waiting on me for at least a couple minutes now. I scan my eyes down her short, slender frame. Per usual, she looks amazing. Like me she’s wearing a long sweater, only hers is blue and gray striped and paired with tight dark skinny jeans. “Ready.” I sigh, grabbing my wristlet purse from the dresser before crossing the space toward her. “Your hair looks really cute like that,” I say, reaching out to trail my fingers through the ends of her blonde waves which are tied off in a loose side pony. “You don’t think I look like I’m twelve?” She crinkles her nose. “Not even a little.” I laugh, pulling open the door to our dorm room before following her out into the hallway. “Thank you again for coming. As much as I love Decklan’s friends, I always get nervous whenever we do a group function. It makes me feel better knowing at least one person there is on my side.” She throws me a sideways smile before pushing her way outside. I immediately wrap my arms around myself, a crisp breeze blowing across my face the moment we step out into the chilly evening air. I probably should have thought to wear a coat but honestly, I hate lugging one around unless I know I’m going to be outside for any real length of time.

Thankfully, it doesn’t take us long to reach the cab sitting on the curb just a few feet from the sidewalk. It isn’t until we slide into the back that I turn my attention back to Kimber. “Why did Decklan not pick you up?” I ask. “Because it’s freezing on his motorcycle for one. I don’t know how he manages to ride that thing twelve months a year.” She shivers just thinking about it. “Besides, did you expect him to fit both of us on the back?” she laughs. “I guess I didn’t think about that,” I admit. “The restaurant is local, so it cost next to nothing to pay a cab. I guess Gavin didn’t want Charlie to have to travel all the way to Portland so everyone is coming down this way. I would have suggested he pick us up, but he’s already giving Paxton and Charlie a ride so it’s doubtful they could have squeezed us into his truck, too.” I don’t know why I never thought to ask where we were going. The fact that we are going somewhere in Eugene is news to me. I just assumed we’d be driving to Portland. My stomach twists slightly at the thought of being in a location where Bryan might walk in. I’m just going out with friends, I remind myself. Bryan knows I’m having dinner with Kimber and a few others. I’m not doing anything wrong. But if that’s the case, why do I already feel so damn guilty? “Did you tell Gavin I was coming with you?” I ask, pulling Kimber’s attention from looking out the window, back to me. “I told Decklan. Not sure if he mentioned it or not. Why do you ask?” She hits me with suspicious eyes. “Just wondering. He invited me to come with you guys; I told you that. But at the time I didn’t think I’d be able to, so I told him I couldn’t.” Up to this point, I have divulged very little about my situation with Gavin to Kimber. I don’t want to put her in an awkward position where she’s stuck between the two of us. To be completely honest, I’m not really sure how I would explain what’s going on anyway. It’s all so random and confusing. She knows we talked New Year’s, though I left out the earth-bending kiss. She also knows I ran into him on Sunday after having lunch with Joy but again, I didn’t tell her anything about him kissing me. As far as I’ve told her, we have put aside the fact that we slept together a couple months ago and have decided to try to be friends. “Gotcha. Well, either way, I’m sure it’s fine.” She gives me a warm smile before turning her attention back out the window. She seems distracted for some reason. She keeps knotting her hands in her lap like she’s nervous. I hope it doesn’t have anything to do with me. A shiver of panic runs through me. What if she knows I’m lying to her? A part of me feels like she believes me. The other part feels like she knows I am full of complete and total shit. Either way, I’m sticking to my story. I feel bad keeping secrets from Kimber. In the few months we have been roommates, we have become extremely close. She trusted me when everything went down with her and Decklan, and yet here I am shutting her out. Just another thing to add to my list of ways that I suck. I’ve told Angel everything, of course. Her advice was— no surprise here— to fuck him again and see how I feel. I tried telling her I don’t need to fuck him again; I already know how I feel, but she refuses to accept that as a valid response. Maybe I should take her advice for once... “We’re here.” Kimber’s voice pulls me back to the present, and I immediately shake off the lingering thought. I look out the window just in time to see the cab pull up in front of Ramshacks, a hopping bar and grill not ten minutes from campus. I’ve been here several times before and it’s a location I am extremely

comfortable with. At least I have that much and not in some strange place two hours from home. This place offers me an easy escape should I need it. Not to mention, I know at least a handful of the waitresses from school. I follow Kimber out of the car and into the restaurant, taking a deep breath before pushing my way inside. It takes a few moments for my eyes to adjust to the dim overhead lighting and I blink rapidly several times before the interior finally comes into view. It’s busy but not too bad considering it’s a Friday night. Most of the booths that circle the far walls of the room are full, but there are several high-top tables around the bar that are still empty. Kimber grabs my hand and pulls me in that direction. Before I even have a chance to react, she leads me to one of the already occupied high tops, this one a long rectangle that seats eight. I recognize Paxton first. He throws Kimber a wide smile and nods in our direction, prompting Decklan, whose back is to us, to turn. “Hey.” He gives her a jaw-dropping smile and pulls her against him. Her body disappears into his embrace, his muscular arms caging her in. She pushes up and lays a kiss to his scruffy jaw before stepping back and giving the other two people at the table a little wave. “Paxton you’ve met Harlee, yes?” She addresses the too hot for his own good musician, who hits me with a panty-melting smile. Holy hell what is with these guys? All three of them are unbelievably good looking; Paxton, even better than I remembered. Don’t even get me started on Decklan. And then Gavin... Well, I think I’ve made it pretty clear how irresistible that one is. Even on a good day, with a clear mind, I have trouble thinking straight in his presence. “We have.” Paxton interrupts my thoughts. “Good to see you again, Harlee.” He nods. “You too.” I smile, turning to the next person Kimber starts to introduce. “This is Gavin’s cousin, Tracy.” She gestures to the young brunette sitting directly across from Decklan. “Tracy, this is my roommate, Harlee.” “Nice to meet you, Tracy,” I say, giving the girl a smile. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s at least a couple years younger than I am. There’s an innocence to her big chocolate eyes. Something that tells me she hasn’t quite seen the world for the way it is just yet. “There you are.” Kimber’s head snaps to the side, and I follow her sight. The moment his face comes into view, I suck in a ragged breath. Not only because Gavin looks incredible in his dark jeans and fitted black shirt, but also because he has a gorgeous slender brunette on his arm. One that hits me with dark eyes the moment she steps up in front of me. At first, I think she’s going to hit me or something, the way she studies me for a long moment. Instead, she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me into a tight hug. “You must be Harlee. It’s so nice to meet you,” she sings, finally releasing me after a long moment. “I... Um...” I stutter, not sure who the hell this person is. “Charlie, leave her alone and go sit down.” Gavin shoves at her playfully. Charlie... His sister. Relief immediately floods through me. For a moment I thought I was going to have to endure him hanging all over some beautiful brunette all night. I hate that the thought even bothers me, but it does. Knowing she’s his sister brings a whole new level of panic to the surface. How does she know about me? Has he talked to her about us? About me? What has he said? Certainly, given the fact that she hugged me, he must have told her something. Why would he tell his sister about me? The questions flood my mind as I watch Charlie cross around the table and slide into the stool next to Paxton. Now that I really look at her, it’s clear she’s related to Gavin. They have the same dark hair, the same big eyes—despite the fact that they’re different colors, and the same wide, mischievous smile.

“I’m glad you changed your mind.” Gavin pulls my attention back to him just as Kimber slides into the seat next to Decklan, leaving the two seats directly across from them empty. As much as I don’t want to, I know that I am going to be stuck sitting directly next to Gavin. I’m already getting lightheaded by the incredible smell radiating off of him. It’s hard saying how I will feel having to endure being so close to him for the duration of dinner. “Well, Kimber asked,” I say, avoiding his gaze as I cross around the backside of the table and take the seat across from Kimber. As I predicted, Gavin wastes no time sliding in next to me, giving me a knowing smile as he does. I hate that he thinks this is all about him. Is it that far out of the realm of possibility that I would come here for Kimber and not him? I look down the table at the row of people across from me. Kimber, Decklan, and Tracy all line the front side, where Charlie, Paxton, Gavin, and I occupy the other. “Is anyone else coming?” Kimber asks the exact question I was thinking. “No, I think this is it,” Gavin answers. “We invited Mia too, but she’s busy with her kids.” He seems almost relieved by this fact. I get the feeling him and his older sibling are not all that close. Though I’m sure the difference in age has something to do with it. From what Kimber has told me, which isn’t all that much, Mia, who is six years older than Gavin, is not quite as laid back as the rest of the Porter family. I turn my attention to the menu in front of me, eager to have something to focus on other than the man sitting next to me. I swear I feel his eyes on the side of my face, but I choose to ignore him as I continue to read over the menu, despite the fact that I know exactly what I want. I order the same thing every time I come here: a club sandwich and sweet potato fries. And while usually it’s one of my favorites, right now the thought of stomaching any food makes me feel half ill. Gavin squeezes the top of my thigh causing me to jump slightly in my stool. Finally looking in his direction, I pin wide eyes on him. He laughs and then nods his head to the side. Only then do I realize the waitress standing at the edge of our table, clearly waiting for me to order my drink. How did I not even notice she was there? “Sorry.” I give her a weak smile, grateful that I have no idea who she is. “I’ll take a water with lemon please,” I say, feeling the goose bumps spread down my back as Gavin’s hand once again settles on my leg, this time sliding upward slowly instead of grabbing me playfully. My whole body tenses and I turn my gaze back to his face, tempted to smack off the smug smile I see there. “Stop,” I mouth, pushing his hand away. He lets out a small chuckle, clearly not the least bit concerned about what anyone else at the table is doing. “No,” he mouths back, his gaze holding firmly to mine. Before I can even react, I feel his hand come to a rest just above my knee. The thin material of my leggings offers no protection from the heat of his touch as it slides slowly upward once again. Every painfully slow inch it climbs, the tighter my lower belly clenches, a need forming deep inside of me. A need I know only one thing will satisfy. When he stops just inches from my upper thigh, I relax a little. I ignore the nagging sense of disappointment I feel as I try to focus on the conversation currently taking place around the table. Something about Charlie enrolling at the University of Oregon for her last year, but I’ve already missed too much of what was said to really follow. I turn my attention to Kimber, who instead of listening to Charlie, seems to be focused solely on me. She looks between Gavin and me for a long moment before a knowing smile begins to creep across her face.

She throws me a wink and then turns away, leaving me staring across the table at her in complete confusion. What is it that she saw that prompted her reaction? Am I that transparent that without any action she can read me so easily? I’m still trying to sort through all of this when I feel Gavin’s grip tighten on my thigh. I flick my eyes toward him, my frustration starting to mount. I expect to see him staring at me with teasing eyes and a cocky smile; what I find instead is so much worse. Blue, lust-filled eyes settle on mine just moments before I feel his warm hand cup my sex, causing me to let out a slow, shaky breath. I want to turn away, break the contact, but I can’t seem to muster it. At this moment, all I want is him. I want to feel his hand bare against my most sensitive flesh and not against the barrier of my pants. I want to feel his lips hot against my neck, my breasts, lighting up my entire body. I want all of these things and yet none of them at all. Because I know that succumbing to such wants will only make things that much worse. With every touch, I want another. With every kiss, I crave more. I am stuck in this endless battle of head versus heart, and I can feel both teetering beneath the undeniable spark this man lights inside of me.

Chapter Nine Harlee “Will you excuse me for a moment?” I say to no one in particular, sliding out of my stool in an effort to get away from Gavin’s consuming touch. “Ladies,” I mouth to Kimber who nods and turns her attention back to Decklan, who is currently having a conversation with Paxton that I have not been able to concentrate on long enough to follow. I ignore the heat that burns across my back where I’m sure Gavin’s eyes are watching me as I cross around the bar and disappear down the long hallway that houses the bathrooms. Stepping inside the ladies room, I immediately cross to the sink. Resting my palms on either side, I take a deep breath, finally peering up at my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks are flushed and a small layer of perspiration has formed along my hair line. My god, what is this man doing to me? Grabbing a paper towel, I quickly turn on the cold water, dampening the cloth. Flipping the water off, I ring out the excess liquid from the towel before blotting it across my forehead, trying to cool myself down despite the fact that it’s not even the least bit warm in the restaurant. If anything it’s cooler than I normally would prefer. “Get yourself together,” I say to my reflection, taking several deep breaths before tossing the towel in the trash can. I spin toward the door and exit. The moment I emerge on the other side, a hand closes down around my forearm, pulling me to the side. “What the...” I don’t get the rest of my sentence out. Warm lips settle over mine, silencing my voice. My entire body erupts in a chaos of prickles and butterflies. “I’ve wanted to do that all night,” Gavin breathes against my mouth before deepening the kiss. It’s like my body is operating on auto-pilot, my mind too clouded to consciously take any ownership of my actions. I don’t stop him when his tongue slides into my mouth. I don’t stop him when his hands settle on my hips, forcing his arousal to press firmly against my stomach. I don’t stop him even though I know that is exactly what I should do. It isn’t until I hear a throat clear that the real world seems to return, and I remember where the hell I am and what I’m doing. Gavin immediately breaks away from my mouth, our heads turning toward the noise in unison. My heart leaps into my throat when I see a very amused Kimber standing just feet from us, her arms crossed in front of her chest, a large smile lighting up her entire face. “Food’s here,” she says, focusing her gaze on me as I slide out of Gavin’s embrace. “You’ve been gone for a while. I wanted to make sure everything was okay.” She looks behind me to Gavin. “I see you’re just fine.” She smiles, spinning around without another word. I follow her back to the table in silence, noticing immediately that Gavin chooses to hang back and not come with us. I avoid Decklan’s gaze as I slide into my stool. Looking down at the food in front of me, I reach for the ketchup like nothing out of the ordinary is going on. I feel Gavin reappear at the table moments later, but I don’t look in his direction right away. I need a few minutes to process, to figure out what the hell just happened before I find myself sucked back into the

trance he seems to put me in. I keep my focus on my food, forcing down one sweet potato fry at a time despite the fact that each one I eat seems to stick in my throat and threatens to come back up. Gavin doesn’t touch me again. I think he knows I need a little space, and I’m thankful he’s not pushing it. I turn my attention to Kimber when I hear her whisper arguing with Decklan who appears to be anything but angry. In fact, he seems happy. Really happy. He ignores Kimber’s attempts to deter him from whatever it is he’s about to do, turning his attention to everyone at the table. “Since we have all of you here, I’d like to make an announcement,” Decklan starts, ignoring Kimber’s attempts to silence him. “This is not how we planned to tell you all, but it seems easier this way since we’re all together.” He drops his arm around Kimber’s shoulder and proudly tucks her into him. “I’ve asked Kimber to marry me.” His announcement causes more than one person at the table to gasp in surprise and poor Tracy looks suddenly very ill. I don’t know why, but it seems like no one saw this coming. Obviously, they know Decklan much better than I do because I’m not the least bit surprised by this news. “Obviously, I said yes,” Kimber huffs, giving Decklan an aggravated look, which immediately turns into a smile when he crinkles his nose playfully at her. He drops a sweet kiss to her mouth, prompting an even larger smile from her when he pulls his face away. “I love you,” he mouths, ignoring the congratulations and hoots of celebration that now sound around the table. This is what changed me. Witnessing the type of love Decklan and Kimber have for each other has only intensified my need to be loved like that. Before they got together, I was happy in my ignorance. I thought being free to hook up and do whatever I wanted to do was what would make me happy. Now I see how wrong I was. What would make me happy is to find someone who looks at me the way Decklan looks at Kimber. I flip my eyes hesitantly to Gavin whose hand closes down around mine underneath the table even though his eyes remain focused on his best friend. It’s almost like he can sense the sadness and yet utter elation that is seeping through me all at the same time. “I think you can put your ring on now.” Decklan nudges Kimber’s shoulder with his, clearly very anxious to show the world just who she belongs to. She grins up at him before grabbing her clutch purse from the table. Moments later she is pulling out a radiant cut halo ring with a light pink diamond perched in the center. It’s probably the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen. The style and color fit Kimber perfectly; beautiful, elegant, one of a kind. “We’re going to wait a while.” Kimber immediately turns her gaze to me as she slides the ring onto her finger. “I’m not moving out on you or anything,” she promises, which is actually quite a relief. I can’t even begin to imagine what college would be like without having Kimber as my roommate. “We were thinking maybe next year,” Decklan continues for her. “We still have a lot of details to figure out,” she adds, smiling up at her fiancée. Fiancée... It’s odd to think about. “Well this calls for a toast,” Gavin announces after several long moments. His hand finally releases mine as he stands, holding up his bottle of beer. “To Decklan and Kimber.” The smile on his face literally takes my breath away. I don’t think I have ever seen a more beautiful man up close. “Deck, you aren’t just my best friend, you’re my brother,” He continues. “I couldn’t be happier for you right now man. Kimber.” He turns his attention to my teary-eyed friend. “You gave him peace. Something I never thought he’d find. I’ll never be able to truly thank you for that. Take care of him.”

“Here. Here,” Paxton chimes in, standing to raise his beer bottle as well. Everyone else at the table follows suit, raising their glasses to toast Kimber and Decklan. Once everyone has settled back into their seats and the initial shock of their announcement seems to have worn off, the conversation once again flows freely around the table. “It’s ours,” Decklan answers simply when Charlie presses to find out how he proposed. “Our memory. Something just for us.” He winks down at Kimber before turning back to Charlie who seems almost impressed with his response. She catches Paxton’s gaze as she turns away from Decklan, and I can’t help but feel like I see something in their exchange. I keep my eyes on them for several more seconds before I realize it must have just been in my head. The two seem completely at ease and normal, though a part of me can’t help but wonder if that’s not an act for their current audience. I decide it’s none of my business, turning my head away. That’s when I realize Gavin is staring at me. Not just looking at me but staring. His eyes are locked on my face and his forehead is scrunched together like he’s in deep thought. When I catch his gaze he instantly snaps out of it, giving me a warm smile before turning away. Making a grab for his beer bottle, he drains the contents in one long gulp and then turns back toward me. “You want to get out of here?” He keeps his voice low enough that no one else at the table can hear what he’s saying, his blue eyes locked on mine. “I can’t,” I answer just as quietly, shaking my head. “Yes you can,” he challenges. I flick my eyes to Kimber who nods when Decklan whispers something to her and then turns toward me. “Will you be okay if I go back to Portland with Decklan tonight?” she asks, clearly not needing my permission but just wanting to be considerate since we came here together. I ignore the fact that just two seconds prior Gavin proposed I leave with him. Kimber was my excuse not to. I can already feel the panic start to creep up my spine like a swarm of tiny spiders climbing across my flesh. “Of course,” I say like it should be obvious. “I can catch a cab back to the dorm.” “I’ll take you back,” Gavin offers, pulling my attention back to him. “You don’t have room for me, do you?” I struggle to find an excuse, remembering Kimber said Paxton and Charlie were riding with Gavin. “Paxton drove separately. I can drop Charlie at the house and then take you home,” he says, causing my stomach to double over in a flutter of nervousness. “Paxton can run me home,” Charlie interjects, turning to Paxton who immediately nods like it’s not a problem. “There, it’s settled.” Gavin hits me with a wide, mischievous smile. “Awesome.” I try to hide the sarcasm that drips from my voice. The last thing I want is to be stuck alone with Gavin. I wish I could say I trust myself enough to resist him, but if I’m being honest I don’t. I know the effect he has on me. I know the way he makes me feel and the way my entire mind seems to turn to mush when he kisses me. These are the thoughts that plague my mind for the remainder of dinner. By the time we exit the restaurant a half an hour later, my anxiousness has only intensified. I feel like a bundle of nerves that’s about to split apart and float off in a million different directions. “Thanks again for taking her home, Gavin.” Kimber smiles up at him before pulling me into a brief hug. “Be good,” she whispers, meeting me with a knowing smile when she releases me. “Don’t freeze to death,” I tease, watching her zip her coat and pull her gloves on. “No promises,” she laughs, taking the helmet Decklan hands to her.

“Be safe,” I say, throwing her and Decklan one last small wave before turning to follow Gavin toward the opposite side of the parking lot. I open my mouth to speak several times during the short walk toward Gavin’s truck, but by the time we reach it I still haven’t managed to get even one word out. I don’t know what to say and honestly, I’m not sure any of it would make a difference. “Thank you.” I muster a small nod as Gavin pulls the passenger door of the truck open and gestures for me to climb inside. He lets out a small chuckle, clearly enjoying the fact that he’s making me squirm. I’m not really sure why I’m so nervous. Then again, I think I know exactly why I am at the same time. “You know.” He grabs the seat belt and stretches it across my waist. “I don’t bite.” His words dance across my face as he latches the buckle. “There.” He smiles. “You realize I can buckle my own seat belt.” I fake annoyance even though the protective gesture makes my heart flutter inside my chest. “Good for you.” His smile turns wicked as he steps back and slams the door shut. Within seconds he’s climbing into the driver’s side and snapping his own seatbelt before firing the engine to life. He slowly pulls from the parking lot, purposely keeping his focus on the road as he avoids meeting my gaze. After a few long moments of silence, I feel like my head might explode if I don’t say something. I blurt the first thing that comes to mind. “You didn’t seem surprised about Decklan and Kimber’s announcement,” I observe, keeping my eyes locked out the window. “That’s because I already knew.” “How long have you known?” I ask, a little offended that I was left out of the loop. “I went with him to get the ring,” he answers flatly. “And how long ago was that?” I ask, realizing that in the surprise of hearing the marriage news, I never actually got around to asking when he had proposed. “Last week.” “Last week?” I flip my gaze to him. “You mean you knew on Tuesday and you never said anything?” I gape at him in disbelief. “He hadn’t asked her yet.” He chuckles lightly. “I wasn’t about to ruin his proposal before he even got a chance to make it.” “I guess that makes sense,” I agree, knowing I would have done the same thing. “But you still could have said something. It’s not like I would’ve run off to tell Kimber or anything.” “Not a chance I was willing to take. Not when it wasn’t my shit to tell.” He shrugs, meeting my eyes for a brief moment before flipping them back toward the road. Seconds later he pulls the truck into a vacant spot outside of my dorm building and kills the engine. I immediately reach to unbuckle my seatbelt, anxious to escape the confines of this vehicle. Before I can even get my hand to the latch, Gavin stops me. His fingers close down around my forearm, pulling my gaze up to his. “Just where do you think you’re going?” He gives me a wicked smile, his eyes growing impossibly dark. My stomach does a flip for the millionth time this evening and I suck in a ragged inhale, determined not to let this man cloud my better judgment. The judgment that tells me sleeping with him would be about the worst thing I could do. Not just to Bryan but myself as well. I don’t know if I can walk away from Gavin a second time. I don’t know that I even want to. What I do want is to not be put in the position to make that choice at all.

Gavin unlatches his seatbelt and slides across the bench seat until he’s right next to me, his breath hot on my cheek as I try to look anywhere but into his eyes. The eyes that suck me in and blind me from everything but the gorgeous man they belong to. “Look at me, Harlee,” he commands, his voice causing a shiver to run down my back. “No.” The word is weak and barely breaks the surface. “Look at me,” he repeats, his hand closing down on my chin as he pulls my face toward him. When my eyes find his face, I expect to see humor, a teasing smile telling me he knows he’s got me. What I see instead takes my breath away. It catches in my throat, making it impossible for my lungs to suck in the air they feel so desperate for. I can’t grasp what the look means or even begin to understand it. All I know is that something has shifted. This is no longer funny to him. It’s no longer a game. He wants me and not because he knows he can have me. And now he’s got me. Before his face lowers to mine. Before his lips brush gently against my mouth. Before his hand unlatches my seatbelt and his strong arms pull me against his rock hard torso. He had me in that one look.

Chapter Ten Gavin “Gavin.” Her whispered word against my lips is enough to make my hunger for her damn near unbearable. I suck her bottom lip into my mouth, loving the way it coaxes a light groan from the back of her throat. “Please,” she whimpers, begging me. I tighten my grip on her waist, hoisting her into my lap. She rests both her knees on either side of me, her mess of hair hanging down around us, tickling my face. Wrapping my hand around the back of her neck, I pull her face back down to mine, running my tongue along the seam of her lips before plunging it into her mouth. She grinds down on my erection, another moan escaping when she realizes just how badly I want her. All I want is to feel her tight around me, to show her exactly why she belongs right here and not with that douche she calls a boyfriend. She’s mine now, whether she knows it or not. There’s no way in fuck I am letting her go again. Grabbing the hem of her dress, I break away from her mouth just long enough to slide it over her head before tossing it onto the floorboard of the truck. I don’t worry about anyone seeing us, given that it’s pitch black outside and the windows are completely fogged. I doubt Harlee even cares at this point. Her fingers dig into the back of my hair and she slams her mouth back down onto mine, her entire body rigid with want and need. The thought that I’m the one doing this to her brings out an almost animalistic need to claim her. Pushing up, I spin, dropping her onto her back against the seat of the truck. Grabbing the waistband of her pants, I have them and her panties down before she has even processed my action. I am so desperate to get inside of her; my hands are shaking by the time I unlatch my belt and jeans. Retrieving a condom from the glove box of the truck, I roll it down onto my cock, which is so hard it’s borderline painful, before spreading Harlee’s legs wider. I settle in between them, her thighs squeezing tightly against my hips as I line my erection at her entrance. With one last look into her lust filled eyes, I push forward, groaning out when the tightness of her settles around me. She feels so good. So fucking good. “This isn’t going to last long, baby,” I breathe against her mouth before dropping a heated kiss to her lips. “You feel so fucking good around me.” I groan, pulling almost completely out of her before plunging back in. Placing my hands on the door behind her, I throw one of her legs over my shoulder, sinking into her so deeply her head rolls to the side and a deep moan sounds from her throat. I pull out and then ram in again, loving that every time I do her actions and sounds become less censored and wilder and out of control. It isn’t long before I have worked myself into a steady rhythm, pounding in and out with so much force she has to push against the door above her head to keep herself in place.

“You. Are. Mine,” I grind out, my release threatening to rip through me at any moment. “Say it Harlee.” I increase my speed. “Tell me you’re mine,” I demand. “I’m yours,” she cries moments before I feel her tighten around me. “Fuck!” I groan, her orgasm sending me soaring over the edge. The pleasure rips through me; the feeling of her clenching around me the most fucking incredible thing in the world. Once I’m sure I have drained every last ounce of pleasure I can from her, I collapse down on top of her, resting my head against her chest. Her heart is beating so rapidly I can feel it pounding against the side of my face. “What the fuck are you doing to me?” I ask, loving the way her chest rises and falls beneath me as she tries to catch her breath. “I could ask you the same question,” she whispers, dropping her hands into my hair. She runs her fingertips along my scalp, the feeling damn near lulling me to sleep despite the fact that I’m anything but tired. **** It took everything I had in me to let Harlee leave my truck. After lying with her in my arms for almost an hour, it was nearly impossible to drive away. The combined scents of our bodies danced around me in the cab of the truck the entire way back to Portland. You would think after a two-hour drive I wouldn’t still be wearing this ridiculous ass smile, but as I pull my truck into the parking garage of my condo building, I still haven’t managed to shake it. I shove the truck into park after pulling into my assigned space, killing the engine before climbing out. Within minutes, I’m stepping out of the elevator onto the seventeenth floor, turning right as I take the hall all the way to the end. I shove my key into the door the moment I reach it. I immediately spot Paxton, lounging in the living space that sits directly off the foyer, a beer in one hand, the television remote in the other. “Where the fuck have you been?” He tosses the remote next to him on the black leather couch, giving up on finding anything to watch. “With Harlee.” I hang my keys on the wall before sliding off my converse. “As in with Harlee?” He raises his eyebrows suggestively, taking a long drag of his beer. “As in none of your fucking business,” I huff, crossing through the living room into the kitchen-dining room combo that is separated from the living space by a half wall. “Defensive; that’s new,” Paxton observes. “I didn’t realize you guys were a real thing.” He stands, crossing into the kitchen to grab another beer from the fridge. “Here.” He slides one into my hand before coming around to face me on the other side of the half wall. “We aren’t. I mean, we weren’t,” I correct, not really sure what the fuck we’re doing. All I know is I want more. So much fucking more. “Isn’t she seeing someone?” He eyes me curiously. “So what if she is?” I twist the cap off my beer and take a long swig, the cold liquid causing my eyes to water slightly as it slides down my throat. “I didn’t realize you were that guy,” he states matter of fact. “If you mean the kind of guy who takes what the fuck he wants no matter what stands in his way, then yes, I guess I am that guy,” I say, not the least bit sorry for my actions. Harlee belongs with me. Bryan is just going to have to move the fuck along. I may have been willing to share in the past, having never wanted someone the way I want Harlee, but I sure as shit am not willing to share her. I want her all to myself. Every single fucking piece of her.

“You’re really into this girl,” he observes. “I am,” I admit, letting out a slow breath. Harlee owns me. I’ve accepted it. There’s no point in trying to hide it from my brothers. Paxton and Deck are my family. I have no qualms about leaving all my shit out on display for them to see. I know at the end of the day I get no judgment from them. “I’m happy for you.” He takes a drink of his beer. “I’m just not sure how good of an idea it is to get attached to a girl who has another guy in her life.” “What the fuck is it to you?” I bite, taking another drink of my own beer. “I don’t give a fuck about the other dude.” He holds his hands up in front of himself, misunderstanding my meaning. “I just want you to think long and hard about what you’re doing. You’re fucking another dude’s girl. Have you considered that at the end of the day you’re just the guy she’s fucking and not the one she wants a real relationship with?” “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I drain the rest of my beer in one long drink, dropping the empty bottle into the trash can next to me. While I may not be willing to entertain the thought that somehow this doesn’t go the way I want, I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind at least once or twice over the last few days. “Maybe not.” He shrugs. “But I know you. And I know that I’ve never seen you quite so taken with someone before. I just don’t want to see you get fucked over.” “I’m not some bleeding heart, pussy.” I chuckle. “If she decides she’d rather be with him then good riddance.” I play it off like I couldn’t give a shit which couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m just not ready to let the doubt seep in just yet. “Fair enough,” Paxton laughs, changing the subject. “You heading into Deviants tonight?” he asks. “Yeah. Deck’s got Kimber over so I figure I’ll head over and just make sure everything is running smoothly.” “Can you believe our boy is getting married?” He laughs, shaking his head like he still hasn’t fully grasped the fact. “Dude, I never thought I’d see the day,” I agree. “Now you’re all balls deep over a chick, too.” He gestures to me. “You fuckers are getting soft on me.” “Fuck you.” I fake offense. “I’m just kidding,” he states the obvious. “I’m really happy for him. Kimber seems great.” “She really is. She has to be to put up with his emotional ass.” I shake my head. “What time are you heading to the bar?” he asks, reaching over the counter to drop his now empty bottle in the trash can. “I’m gonna take a quick shower and then head over.” “Mind if I tag along? I’m going fucking stir crazy just sitting here.” He gestures around the condo. “Not at all. You have any luck finding a place yet?” I ask, knowing he’s been looking for a couple weeks now. “You getting tired of me already?” He acts overly offended but is clearly joking. “You know you’re welcome to stay here as long as you need,” I say, clasping my hand down on his shoulder for a brief moment as I pass. “Whatever you need just let me know.” I release my grasp on him. I know how hard of a time Paxton has had since losing his mom. I don’t think he’s quite let go of the guilt he’s carrying for how rocky of a relationship he had with her growing up. “I appreciate that, man,” he calls after me as I disappear down the hall that houses the condo’s two bedrooms and bathrooms. Slipping inside my room, which is the larger of the two, I cross the space to the attached bathroom, stripping off my clothes as I go.

I’m completely naked by the time I reach the shower, flipping the water on to let it warm up before finally stepping inside. The moment the hot liquid rains down over my back, Harlee’s face flashes in front of my eyes. The way her nails scratched down the very place the water is now hitting. The way her lustfilled eyes held my gaze as I rocked on top of her. The sounds of her cries of pleasure. Just the thought of it makes my fucking dick hard again. What I wouldn’t give to have her right here with me at this very moment. The thought is fucking torture. To crave the feeling of her wrapped tightly around me and her not be anywhere close by to satisfy that craving is like a drug addict denying themselves the fix they so desperately need. I don’t know what the fuck it is about this girl that has me so wrapped up in her. I can’t escape her, no matter how hard I try. I’m fucking obsessed... And there’s not one fucking thing I can do about it.

Chapter Eleven Harlee The elevator ride up to Gavin’s apartment feels like it lasts an eternity. I can feel every single beat of my heart, every breath my lungs take as they suck in air and let it out. I’m a wreck; a ball of nervous energy as I watch the button to the seventeenth floor finally light up and the doors slide open. The moment my feet hit the hallway, I turn around, ready to say fuck this and spend the two-hour drive back to Eugene being pissed at myself for being such a pussy. Unfortunately, the elevator doors slide shut before I have time to react and suddenly I feel trapped like the walls are closing in around me. Convincing myself that things between me and Gavin had to end was hard enough in itself. But now, facing the reality of actually saying those words to him has my stomach ready to rid itself of this morning’s breakfast right here on the shining white tile floors. I blame Kimber. Had she refused to give me his address when I asked, maybe I would have had time to talk myself out of this. Or maybe I should blame Joy for so willingly letting me take the Mercedes. But then again I can’t really blame them at all. I chose to put myself in this situation and now I’m choosing to get myself out of it. I know I need to get this over with, one way or another. Crossing to the end of the hall, I stop just outside the door that reads 1723, staring at the dark distressed wood for several long seconds before finally raising my fist. Rapping lightly against the surface, I take another deep breath. I do my best to calm the shake in my knees as I await the moment I have been dreading since last night when I realized this is what had to be done. My heart is pounding so loudly in my ears, I barely register the noise of the door opening in front of me. It isn’t until intense blue eyes settle on mine that I seem to snap from my haze. “Harlee?” Gavin’s smile spreads once he’s recovered from the shock of finding me standing outside his door. “H-Hey,” I stutter, momentarily distracted by the fact that he’s wearing no shirt, leaving his tight, defined muscles on full display. “I’m sorry to show up like this.” I try to refocus. “Can I come in for a minute?” I ask. “Of course.” He pushes the door further open and steps aside to let me pass. The moment the interior of the condo comes into view, I can’t help but be extremely surprised that this is where he lives. I expected to find a run-down bachelor pad filled with beer bottles and empty pizza boxes. Instead, I’m standing in the middle of a very stylish, open living space. The walls are light gray, strategically designed with a few pieces of three-dimensional artwork that really gives the space character. The dark wood floors seem to run throughout the entire condo and have a distressed look just like the front door. There’s a black leather sectional couch sitting in the center of the room facing a gas fireplace, a large television mounted on the wall above it. The back wall is lined with three floor to ceiling windows that make the space feel open and airy, offering a perfect view of the city below. “Wow,” I say, finally turning back to Gavin just as he closes the door and slides the lock into place. “This place is incredible.”

“It’s home.” He shrugs like it’s whatever. “Can I get you a drink or something?” he asks, smirking when he catches me once again eyeing his incredible body. “No, I’m not staying long.” I shake my head, turning my gaze back to his face. “I’m sorry to just show up out of the blue like this, but I need to talk to you and it’s a conversation I feel is better had in person.” “O-k-a-y,” he draws out, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “Can we sit?” I ask, gesturing to the couch. I hate how formal I sound, but I know the last thing I can do right now is let my guard down. “Sure.” He nods. I take a seat on the far side of the couch, relieved when he sits on the other side so he can face me. The last thing I want is for him to get too close, especially when he’s only half dressed. My mind tends to go stupid whenever this man is involved. “What’s up?” He cocks his head to the side curiously when I make no attempt to speak right away. “We can’t do this anymore, Gavin,” I blurt out as I stare at the ottoman that sits directly in front of the couch, refusing to look at him. “It’s not right, and I can’t keep deceiving Bryan the way I have been. It’s not fair to him.” “You’re right.” His words catch me off guard, my eyes flipping up to meet his. “It’s not right because you should be with me, not him,” he tacks on. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. Shit, I had this all worked out in my head,” I ramble, scrambling to keep my thoughts straight. “I want to be with Bryan. I choose Bryan.” I take a deep breath before once again meeting his gaze. “I get you’re scared. But you don’t want him,” he challenges, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees as his eyes burn into mine. “Yes, I do,” I argue. “He’s sweet and fun, and I really like him. I can’t do this anymore. I know what this is, and I can’t throw away what I could potentially have with Bryan over a fling you will no doubt tire of within days.” “That’s not true.” His voice takes on a hardness I hadn’t anticipated. “This isn’t just some fucking fling. I’m not fucking playing games with you, Harlee. I thought I made that pretty clear the other night.” His nostrils flare slightly causing me to shrink a bit under his heated stare. “We both know this isn’t going anywhere,” I start again only to have him cut me off. “Bullshit,” he seethes, pushing into a stand. He’s across the space and pulling me to my feet before I have even processed that he’s moved at all. Lifting my hand, he presses my palm against his bare chest as his face hovers just inches above mine. “Do you feel that?” He gestures to how rapidly his heart is beating, each thud so intense it vibrates against my hand. “This is what you fucking do to me. You make me feel.” He puts an emphasis on the word. “I don’t just want your body. I want you. I want you in my life. I don’t want to share you, or sneak around with you. I want you to be mine.” His confession catches me off guard and I sway slightly, grabbing his forearm to steady myself. “Gavin... I,” I start but once again he doesn’t let me finish. “No.” He tips my chin up, forcing me to meet his eyes. “You don’t get to decide this without me. I’m just as much a part of this as you are.” “You don’t know what you’re saying,” I finally manage to get out. “I’m sure it all sounds like fun right now, but when things get real, you’re not going to want this the way you think you will.” “Don’t fucking tell me what I do and do not want. I’m not a child. Yes, this is new and it’s scary as hell, but it’s also the best fucking feeling I’ve ever had in my life,” he admits, his words causing my heart to flip in my chest. “I know what I want, Harlee. I want you.” The second the words meet my ears his lips are on mine, soft at first but then more demanding. I try to resist. I try to fight against his attempt to change my mind, but it’s useless. I am powerless against his

advances. And what’s worse, he knows it. He knows that when he kisses me, there’s no way I can deny him. My lips part involuntary and his tongue slides inside my mouth, a deep groan sounding from the back of his throat as he kisses me so deeply my body trembles against him. He knows the moment he’s got me. He can sense it in my demeanor. In the way my body goes limp against him, having no choice but to succumb to the intense want he stirs deep inside of me. I’ve never met a man that can command my body the way he does. I’ve never been with someone I couldn’t walk away from. But with Gavin, all of that flies out the window. Dipping down, he secures his hands around the back of my thighs before lifting me from the ground. I wrap my legs around his waist, securing my arms around the back of his neck as his lips fall to the base of my throat. He nips and sucks the flesh as he slowly carries me down a dim hallway, pushing open the door at the very end. I barely register we are in a bedroom before the door slams closed and Gavin’s mouth is once again on mine. Each moment seems to happen in snaps, a timeless existence where there are no minutes or hours, but broken pieces like photographs being taken one after the other. —My back as it comes to rest on top of a soft mattress. —The eruption of goose bumps across my flesh as piece by piece it’s exposed to the coolness of the room. —His lips as they trail down my chest, my stomach, nipping at my most sensitive flesh on his endless pursuit to kiss every inch of my body. I’m so lost to the pleasure, to the feeling of being so worshipped, that by the time he rolls on a condom and settles in between my thighs, I feel like I belong to some clouded dream state rather than any actual reality. When I feel his thick erection come to rest heavily against my pubic bone, I immediately readjust, eager to feel him inside of me. He finally enters inch by incredible inch, and I am a shameless mess of desperate need. He lets out a deep groan as he sinks all the way inside of me, and my body takes over completely. My mind is no longer able to keep up with the demands of my lust-filled appetite. I lift my hips to meet each of Gavin’s thrusts, my body desperate and greedy for more. My nails rip at his flesh, and my teeth clamp down on his shoulder as the first orgasm washes over me within minutes, hitting me in intense waves that sends my body convulsing below him. Just when I think I can’t take another second of the pleasure that is now almost painful, I feel another orgasm start to build right behind the first. “Gavin.” His name is a plead off my lips. “Let go, baby.” He rocks back on his knees, pulling me up with him so that I am straddling his waist. He enters me even more deeply in this position, but that’s not what has my body feeling like it might split apart at any moment. It’s from the feeling of his breath hot on my face. Of his hands as they lock on my hips. The look of animalistic hunger in his eyes as he grinds upward. “Let go, baby.” He rasps against my lips, sliding his tongue into my mouth. “Let go.” He latches one hand down on my shoulder to hold me firmly in place as my second orgasm rips through me. My cries of pleasure echo throughout the otherwise silent room, but it does nothing to deter me. All I hear is him. All I feel is him. All I want is him. “Fuck,” he grinds, finally succumbing to his own release as he sinks impossibly deep inside me. He stills after several moments, dropping his face to my chest as he tries to catch his breath. Resting my chin on the top of his head, my hands work slow circles across his muscular back, neither of us ready to break the incredible connection I know we both feel.

“You told me once already that you’re mine. I want to hear you say it for real this time.” He speaks directly against my bare flesh, flicking his tongue against the hard bud of my nipple causing me to jump slightly. “I don’t think it’s that simple,” I say. “Yes, it is.” He pulls back to meet my gaze, his blue eyes so electric it causes my stomach to do a little flip. “I want you, Harlee. All to myself. I want you like this whenever I want it. I don’t want to share you. Tell me you want that, too.” I wish his words didn’t affect me so much. I wish I could fight off the emotion that bubbles in my throat and the excitement that flutters through my chest. He is what I want. I know that now. Hell, I’ve always known it. “I want that, too,” I answer honestly. And I do. I want him more than I have ever wanted anything before in my entire life. My only real hesitation is hurting Bryan, which is the last thing I want to do. But even as the thought crosses my mind, I know that’s not entirely true. I’m also afraid to let Gavin in. I’m scared that if I do, I’ll never recover when he walks away. And I truly believe eventually, he will walk away. “God, what the fuck have you done to me, woman?” He hits me with a brilliant smile, pulling my face back down to his. His lips brush against mine so sweetly that an involuntary gasp of air catches in my throat. There’s something so intimate about our current position: his eyes burning into mine, his erection still deep inside of me, his lips working soft kisses across my mouth and jaw. I can feel my heart swell inside my chest and with it comes a whole new onset of panic. I love him. I know it to be truer than anything else in this world. I don’t know when it happened or how it happened so quickly, but as I pull back and once again meet his gaze, I know there is no denying it. Of course, I keep my newfound revelation to myself. I don’t need to add any more pressure to an already shaky situation. Because while it’s easy to get lost and forget in the comfort of Gavin’s arms, life is a lot more complicated outside of these four walls. “But I need a little more time,” I finally add to my previous statement after several long moments. “Can you give me that?” I ask, knowing the last thing I need is to just jump in head first without really thinking this through. “I’ll give you anything you want if it means at the end of the day that I get to call you mine.” He nuzzles against my chest. “Thank you.” I don’t know if he hears my weak statement. It’s more of a whisper that barely breaks the surface, but I don’t make any attempt to say it again. Instead, I tighten my arms around Gavin and take a deep inhale of his incredible scent. I may not know what the future holds. This may end up being the best thing I’ve ever done or my biggest mistake. All I know is right now he’s all I want. I want to commit every inch of his body to memory. I want to memorize his scent, the sound of his voice, the way his silky hair feels between my fingers. I want to remember every single detail of the moments I have with him. Because with a man like Gavin Porter, you never know how long they’ll last...

Chapter Twelve Harlee “So you have two sisters?” I ask, my fingers tracing lazy circles across Gavin’s stomach as I lay curled into him with my head resting on his chest. “But no brothers?” I continue. “I have two brothers,” he corrects. “Decklan and Paxton.” “You know what I mean,” I interject. “I do and I answered.” He chuckles lightly, his chest vibrating against my ear. “So Mia is how old again?” I ask, just trying to make sure I have all my facts straight about him. I’m desperate to know every detail about this man’s life. I don’t know why, but in a way the more I learn the closer I feel to him. And I want, no I need, to feel that closeness right now. I’m grasping at anything and everything that will calm the quake inside of me that’s raging below the surface. Fear. Love. Guilt. It all bleeds together, leaving me with a thick knot in the pit of my stomach. “She’s thirty-two,” he answers on a yawn, resting his cheek against the top of my head. “And Charlie is twenty-one. While I’m at it, my mom is fifty-eight. Anything else?” He fakes annoyance. “Shut up.” I lightly smack his stomach with my hand. “Was it hard, growing up with two sisters I mean?” “Not really. I mean, Deck and I were inseparable as kids. Hell, he practically lived at my house years before he actually moved in with us, so it always felt like I had a brother, too. What about you?” “Only child.” I try to play off the spike in my voice by quickly continuing. “I liked it better that way. No one to compete with.” I laugh lightly, doing my best to mask how completely uncomfortable I am talking about my childhood. While I’m dying to know everything about him, there are parts of myself I’m not ready to share. There are things that I haven’t even told Kimber despite the fact that one of the reasons we bonded so quickly was because of our mutual dislike for our parents. Only Angel knows everything. My mom. The way I found her. I shake away the thought, determined to not let the demons of my past ruin the otherwise perfect moment Gavin and I are sharing. “What about your parents? Do they still live around here?” he asks, already knowing that I graduated from the same high school as him and Decklan. Of course, that was six years later so we never crossed paths. “My mom died when I was ten,” I admit, knowing that he probably already knows this or will eventually find out. It’s not like it’s some big secret. “I’m so sorry.” His arms tighten around me and for a moment I take comfort in his embrace, letting myself feel a small sliver of sadness for the mother I never got to have, for the one I had to bury nearly ten years ago. “It was a long time ago.” I shrug. “And your father?” He speaks against the top of my head, his grip on me not lessening. “He lives about an hour south of here,” I answer truthfully. I just leave out the part where his residence is Oregon State Penitentiary.

“Do you see him often?” he asks, clearly not realizing that his questions are digging into a very sore subject for me. “Not really. We aren’t close,” I admit. Now that I think about it, it’s been close to two years since the last time I visited my father. I hate seeing him in there. Despite the fact that he was a lowlife, deadbeat father to me and deserves to be exactly where he is, he’s still my family. Seeing him in there was too hard for me, so eventually I just stopped visiting. “Enough about me.” I prop my chin up on his chest so I can peer up at him, the sight of him causing my chest to constrict. My god, this man is beautiful. “I want to know more about you,” I add. “I’m pretty simple.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ears. “What you see is what you get, baby.” His mouth turns up in a crooked smile. “Somehow I find that hard to believe.” I roll my eyes, pushing myself up into a sitting position. “I do have a question, though.” “Shoot.” “Well, more of an observation really. You haven’t smoked since I’ve been here.” “I quit,” he replies casually. “Seriously?” I blurt. “Yeah, this girl I’m into kinda hates it.” He shrugs, sending my heart pounding all over again. He quit for me? The thought sends a rush of emotion flooding through me. “Is that so?” I question playfully. “Yeah, apparently it’s really bad for me.” He gives me a wide grin. “So I’ve heard.” I laugh, shaking my head at him before shifting toward the edge of the bed. “Hey! Where are you going?” He grabs for me just seconds after I slide out of his reach, sitting up in bed with a playful scowl on his face. “You can’t expect to keep me prisoner here all weekend and not feed me,” I whine, grabbing his vintage looking Seattle Mariners t-shirt from the floor. I smile and take a deep inhale the moment I slide the material over my head. His scent instantly engulfs me, and I love the way it smells against my skin. “Oh, I’ll feed you alright.” He gives me a wicked smile before throwing the covers back, revealing his still very naked torso. I can’t stop my eyes from trailing down the length of him. I swear there is not one inch of this man that is not complete perfection. “Funny.” I fake laugh, turning my back to him to slide my panties on. “Seriously, though,” I start, my words instantly falling away when I turn and run smack dab into his hard chest. “I wasn’t trying to be funny.” He dips his face down eye level with mine, his tongue darting out across his bottom lip. At first, I think he’s going to kiss me but then he backs away, a very satisfied smile pulling up the corners of his mouth. Apparently, he saw exactly the reaction he was looking for on my face. Spinning around, he heads to the dresser that sits along the far side of the room. I can’t stop my eyes from following him, focused directly on his bare ass as he rifles through drawers. He finally pulls out a plain black t-shirt and a pair of dark gray boxer briefs, sliding them on before turning back around to face me. While I swear this man would look good wearing a garbage bag, I can’t help but feel slightly disappointed that his incredible body is now hidden from my view. He must sense my disappointment because he lets out a small chuckle and shrugs.

“You had your chance.” His smile is enough to make my knees shake slightly just from looking at him. “This isn’t over,” I warn, spinning around and heading toward the door. Before I can reach it, his arm snakes around my waist and he pulls my backside flush against him. “Think again,” he rasps against my ear before spinning me back around, laying a hard smack to my ass as he does. “You’re not going out there in that.” He points to my attire. “Why not?” I question, looking down at myself. His shirt hangs down mid-thigh on me, so it’s not like I’m not covered. “Because I have a temporary roommate, and I am not going to give him the pleasure of seeing what belongs to me,” he growls. “Pants. Now.” “God, you’re bossy.” I stick my tongue out at him before picking up my gray leggings off the floor and sliding them on. “Better?” I huff, crossing my arms in front of my chest. “What will be better is when you’ve had a chance to eat and are back in my bed with not a fucking thing on.” His eyes darken as they trail from my face to my feet and then back up again before he rips the door open and disappears down the hallway. I can’t help the huge smile that spreads across my face, my feet temporarily unable to move as the pure rush of excitement seeps through my body. I can’t believe I’m here. I can’t believe I’ve spent the last thirty-six hours in Gavin’s arms, in his bed. “Are you coming or what?” I hear him yell down the hall, snapping me out of my momentary haze. “I’m coming. I’m coming,” I call back, exiting the bedroom. “Not the first time I’ve heard that come out of your mouth,” he quips the moment he catches sight of me from the kitchen. “You’re really on it tonight. I bet you think you’re really something special,” I tease, sliding up onto the kitchen counter so that when he turns away from the refrigerator I am sitting eye level with him. He looks at me for a long moment before crossing the short distance between us, sliding the lunch meat and condiments onto the counter before stepping in between my legs, his lips instantly finding my neck. “Do I need to remind you just how special I am?” he asks, his fingers closing down around my hips as he pulls my body flush against his, the evidence of his arousal pressing into me. I let out a small gasp before wrapping my hands around the back of his neck and pulling his face up to meet mine. “I think you might need to,” I challenge, pressing my lips firmly against his. He immediately deepens the kiss, his tongue sliding against mine hungrily like we haven’t just spent the last several hours devouring one and another. I slide my hands down his back, pulling him even tighter against my body, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside of me right here and now. “I’m going to fuck you, Harlee. Right here on this fucking counter.” He nips at my earlobe, coaxing a small groan of pleasure from my mouth. His grip on my hips disappears seconds before I feel his hand grip the hem of my shirt as he starts to pull upward. I lift my arms but then immediately drop them when I hear the front door open and then slam shut. I scramble to compose myself, quickly fixing my shirt just seconds before Paxton appears through the half wall that opens up into the living space. “Hey.” Gavin nods toward Paxton before stepping out from between my legs, leaving me sitting on the counter as he resumes collecting the items needed to make our sandwiches. “Hey.” Paxton doesn’t seem the least bit surprised to see me here, but I suddenly feel very out of place. “What are you making?” Both men carry on as if Paxton hadn’t just walked in on me and Gavin about to have sex directly on top of the kitchen counter. “Turkey sandwiches,” Gavin answers, dropping a loaf of bread on the counter next to me. “You want one?”

“Nah, I’m good.” He shakes his head. “I got some shit to take care of. Just needed to stop by and take a quick shower.” “Where’ve you been?” Gavin questions, laying out two pieces of bread before stacking three slices of turkey on top of each one. I flip my eyes between the two of them, staying silent as I observe their casual interaction. While Gavin seems completely at ease like he doesn’t have a care in the world, Paxton seems kind of anxious. “I stayed at Dad’s last night. We had a few beers with dinner and instead of driving I just decided to crash on his couch.” I don’t know why, but I get the feeling something is off with him. Of course, I don’t know him well enough to say that as a fact but if I had to guess, there’s something going on that he’s not letting Gavin in on. I can’t help but wonder what it could be. I make a mental note to find out more about Paxton next time I talk to Kimber. “Nothing. I like it plain,” I say when Gavin holds up a bottle of mustard and mayo. He scrunches his nose before slathering his sandwich in mustard. I’m about to make a comment when the sound of my cell phone signaling a new message from the living room grabs my attention. “I’ll be right back.” I slide off the counter. By the time I reach my purse lying on the couch, Gavin has already moved on to asking Paxton something about his gig at Deviants tomorrow night. Honestly, the moment I see the slew of messages that litter my screen, I stop hearing what they are saying. There has to be at least twenty messages, all from Bryan... Where are you? Are you alive? You missed dinner. I’m worried. Will you call me, please? The last one had come in just moments ago. The guilt that previously consumed me comes rushing back like a tidal wave, flooding through every part of my body. I look up to where Gavin and Paxton are still in casual conversation before turning my attention back down to my phone, immediately typing out a quick text. So sorry. I’m fine. I came to Portland with Kimber last night and my phone died. I hit send, praying that in his attempt to make sure I was okay that he didn’t call Kimber to see if she had heard from me. His response comes back instantly. Thank God! I was so worried about you. You missed our date last night. Shit. Shit. Shit. I totally forgot that we had made dinner plans before I decided to come to Portland to end things with Gavin. We all know how that turned out for me. I know. I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you. I hit send, flipping my eyes nervously between my phone and where Gavin is still standing in the kitchen. I feel more than a little guilty for lying to Bryan, but oddly enough I feel even guiltier for texting Bryan while I’m here with Gavin. Fuck me. This situation is so screwed up. When are you heading back? Another incoming message pulls my attention back to my phone. Not sure. Probably not until tomorrow. I immediately pull up Joy’s name and shoot her a quick text letting her know I’ll have her car home tomorrow. Not that she’s missing it. She has four others which is precisely why I don’t own one. I can walk almost everywhere and when I need to drive, I know Joy will always let me borrow one of hers. Hell, she’d probably have already bought me three of my own if I would let her.

Bryan has already text back before I even get the message to Joy sent. When I finally get to opening his latest message, my stomach knots as the guilt once again smacks me right in the face. I was hoping to spend some time with you this weekend. Call me as soon as you get home, and I’ll come over. Deal. I text out one more response before locking my phone, dropping it back into my purse just as Gavin appears in the living room, balancing two plates in one hand and two bottles of water in the other. “Sorry.” I immediately stand, relieving him of one of the plates. “Everything okay?” he asks, gesturing to where I just put my phone. “Oh yeah, just fine. I was just texting Joy to let her know I’d have her car back tomorrow,” I say, ignoring the little voice in my head chanting liar. “Who says I’m letting you leave at all?” He settles down next to me on the couch before handing me one of the waters. “Pretty sure you’re gonna have to let the girl leave eventually.” Paxton appears from the kitchen, a beer clutched in his hand. “Thank you, Paxton.” I nod in his direction before giving Gavin a teasing look. “Ganged up on by one of my best friends and my girl. Something’s wrong with this scenario.” He laughs, taking a large bite out of his sandwich despite the fact that his statement has rendered me completely speechless. My girl... He called me his girl. The statement causes my heart to pick up speed until it is thudding violently against my ribcage. Paxton quips some smart ass remark at Gavin who only laughs before turning his eyes back to me just as Paxton exits the room. “You okay?” he asks, clearly seeing something on my face the warrants the question. “Yeah. I am,” I admit truthfully, shaking off my temporary fog. “I’m more than okay.” I lean forward, laying a soft kiss to his jaw before turning my attention to my sandwich. Gavin flips on the television and we eat in silence, both completely enthralled with the latest episode of House Hunters International on HGTV. It’s a comfortable silence, one that makes me feel more at ease than I’ve felt in a very long time. I find myself flipping my eyes toward Gavin every few minutes, smiling every time I see that adorable grin on his face when he realizes I’m watching him. When Paxton leaves again less than an hour later, we are still on the couch, only now we have moved from sitting side by side to me laying with my head in Gavin’s lap as his fingers lazily trail through my hair. Before too long my eyelids start to grow heavy and I find each second more difficult than the last to keep them open. I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to miss one moment of this incredible day I’ve gotten to spend with Gavin. I’m so scared that I will wake up to find it was all some crazy dream. Unfortunately, that fear is not enough for my body to fight off exhaustion any longer. I don’t even realize I’ve dozed off until I feel Gavin stir beneath me. Seconds later I’m being lifted into the air and cradled against Gavin’s chest. I barely register the movement, rolling to the side the moment I feel the mattress beneath me. Within seconds I feel Gavin’s arm snake around me as he settles in behind me. The last thing I remember is his lips grazing the back of my neck and then sleep takes me under once more.

Chapter Thirteen Harlee “So why are we here again?” I look at Gavin just seconds after he kills the engine of the truck behind Deviants. “Thought it’d be good to get you out of the condo, show people you’re still alive.” He winks, pushing open the driver’s side door before sliding out. “By people you mean Kimber.” I shake my head, following his actions as I exit the truck, shutting the door behind me. “I’ve kept you all to myself for the last two days, and as much as I would love to lock you up and never let you leave, Kimber has requested to see her friend. And by that I mean Decklan has been hounding the shit out of me since Paxton told them you were with me.” He laughs, dropping his arm over my shoulder as he leads me toward the rear entrance of the bar. “I’m not ready to return to the real world just yet,” I whine, stopping just feet shy of the door. A large grin takes over his impossibly handsome face just seconds before he grabs my hand, pulling me to him. Wrapping his arms around me, he drops a kiss to my forehead. “Neither am I,” he admits, holding me just long enough that I know he one hundred percent means his statement. When he finally releases his hold on me, he spins, pulling open the door before either of us can delay any longer. Waiting for me to enter first, he steps directly in behind me, the sound of Paxton’s voice immediately filling my ears. I turn toward the left, catching sight of him sitting in a barstool in the center of the stage, his acoustic guitar resting in his lap as he speaks out to the rather impressive sized crowd for a Sunday night. I don’t know why but I expected the place to be a ghost town. Paxton’s wearing tattered jeans partnered with a vintage Smashing Pumpkins shirt, his hair pushed back in its usual style, not a strand out of place. He really does look like a rock star up there. I dare say anyone who witnessed the sight of him would agree with me. “Come on.” Gavin pulls my attention back to him as he wraps his hand around mine and pulls me through the bar. He leads me toward the back where the majority of the room is made up of high-top round bar tables, not slowing until we reach the back corner where I spot Decklan and Kimber leaning into one another. Their faces are just inches apart, and both have ridiculous smiles pulling up their mouths. My god they look happy. I immediately flip my eyes to Gavin, really letting myself grasp for the first time that he has the ability to make me just as happy. When I look at them, I see us in a way. The way Kimber looks at Decklan, the way Decklan looks at Kimber, reminds me a lot of the exchanges Gavin and I have shared over the course of this weekend. The thought makes my stomach twist in both excitement and fear. Kimber’s eyes widen when she spots us approaching, drawing Decklan’s attention to our arrival as well. Both sets of eyes follow us until we stop directly next to their table. “Bout time you two showed up.” Decklan leans forward casually, taking a long drink of his beer.

“You’re lucky we’re here at all,” Gavin bites playfully, sliding into the stool next to Decklan which prompts me to take the seat between Gavin and Kimber. “How’s he doing?” Gavin gestures toward the stage where Paxton has just begun to play a new song. I recognize it immediately; Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade. I know it the moment he strums out the first few chords, seeing how it’s one of my favorites. “Really well.” Decklan nods, taking another gulp of his beer. “Women are eating him up per usual,” he adds. “No surprise there.” Gavin shrugs, turning his attention back to the table. “Hey girl.” Kimber nudges her shoulder against mine, for the first time pulling my gaze to her since we arrived at the table. Okay so maybe I’ve been avoiding looking in her direction since I sat down. Clearly, she hasn’t missed this fact. “Hey.” I smile, trying to act completely casual. I don’t know why I feel so weird. “You want a drink?” Gavin leans in on my other side, speaking directly into my ear. “Please.” I turn my face inward. “Preferably something with liquor.” He laughs, kissing my temple before pushing into a stand. “I’ll come with you.” Decklan immediately stands as well, winking at Kimber before following Gavin toward the bar. Kimber doesn’t even wait until the men are out of earshot before pouncing. “Spill,” she demands, narrowing her eyes on me. “Spill what?” I try to play it off like this isn’t a big deal at all, though deep down I know it’s a much bigger deal than even I’m ready to admit. “How long has this been going on?” She gestures toward the guys who are now standing at the bar. “It just started. I mean, kind of.” I let out a nervous laugh. “I don’t even know what this is,” I admit. “So you guys are like a thing now?” It’s more of a statement than a question, but I choose to answer it like one. “I guess so.” I shrug, not really sure how to label it. “So I take it you broke things off with Bryan. He must have been heartbroken. You know how much he liked you,” she says, her eyes widening when she catches the expression on my face. “No?” She shakes her head. “I haven’t had a chance to. This whole thing happened so fast.” “Harlee, you can’t do that. You have to tell him, like now.” “I know. I just...” “You just what?” She eyes me curiously. “What if breaking things off with him isn’t the right choice?” I ask hesitantly, fearing the judgment from her I’m sure is soon to come. I realize how awful of a person this makes me. I’m not stupid enough to believe that my actions here won’t have consequences. I’m just not sure I’m ready to face them just yet. “You can’t be serious?” She looks at me like I’ve got five heads. “From the moment you and Gavin hooked up after Halloween, he’s all you talked about.” “Until Bryan,” I remind her. “Even still,” she continues like I didn’t just interrupt her, “you started dating Bryan because you thought you knew what you were going to get with Gavin. You can’t tell me that’s still the case. Because if so, then what the hell have you been doing at his condo all weekend?” “We hooked up that night after dinner. The night you saw us kissing,” I admit, knowing in order to make her understand I’m going to have to tell her everything. “I didn’t plan for it to happen, nor did I

really want it to. It’s just when that man touches me; I swear to God, girl, my mind turns to mush.” “Trust me, mush I understand.” She reaches out and pats my hand reassuringly. “So we hooked up and while in the moment it was incredible, I immediately regretted it afterward. I knew how wrong it was, especially because of Bryan. I promised myself right then and there that it wouldn’t happen again.” “How is that going for you?” she asks sarcastically, clearly just trying to lighten the situation, which I appreciate. “Pretty obvious I think.” I roll my eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. “So how did you end up at his place?” She pushes me to continue. “I went there Friday afternoon to end things. I knew I needed to do it face to face or he would likely just show up, and I didn’t want to risk Bryan finding us together. I had every intention of telling him that what happened Thursday night could never happen again, but then he looked at me with those damn blue eyes and crooked smile and it all flew out the window.” “I understand that feeling. I know what it’s like to be so completely consumed by a man that you can’t see five feet past him. That still doesn’t change that what you’re doing is wrong,” she reminds me. “I know, he texted me yesterday. Bryan,” I add. “I lied. I told him I was spending the weekend in Portland with you.” I give her an apologetic look, hating that I dragged her into my lie. “He never questioned it,” I continue. “Not even for a second. Oh God, I really am the worst person in the world.” I drop my head into my hands. “No, you’re not. You’re human. You just need to make a decision and stick with it. It’s not fair for you to drag two men behind you while you decide which one you want to be with.” “I want Gavin,” I admit. “But I’m scared. What if he turns out to be exactly the person I thought he was all along and I lose Bryan over it? I don’t know what to do.” “Go with your heart.” Kimber takes my hand in hers and gives it a light squeeze. “When I questioned my ability to be with Decklan, when I worried that he would hurt me, you were the one who pushed me to conquer that fear. You convinced me that if I felt as deeply for Decklan as I claimed that I would never forgive myself for just giving up and walking away. And you know what? You were right. The only thing I would ever regret would be not fighting for what he and I have.” She gives me a small smile. “Look,” she continues. “There are no guarantees in this life. Things might work out, they might not, but can you just walk away without finding out for yourself?” “I think I’m in love with him,” I admit, flipping my eyes to the bar where Decklan and Gavin appear to be in just as deep of a conversation. “I know you are.” She smiles, releasing my hand. “I knew it the moment I saw you two kissing at the restaurant that there was something brewing between you two. My suspicions were confirmed tonight when I saw the way he was looking at you. I’d say you’re not alone in those feelings.” “Really?” I don’t know why her statement surprises me but it does. “I’ve been around Gavin long enough to know he doesn’t really do the girlfriend thing. You are the only girl I’ve ever seen him come into the bar with. Usually, he just leaves with them and even then it’s always random girls that I never see again. It’s different this time. I can see it. It’s not just Bryan’s heart on the line anymore.” “What do I do?” I ask, ignoring the jealousy that creeps in at the mention of Gavin with other women. “I can’t tell you that. What I can tell you is that the longer you wait to break things off with Bryan, or Gavin— whichever you choose— the harder and messier it’s going to be. My advice: make a choice now and stick with it.” I open my mouth to say more but then close it again when Kimber gestures behind me. I turn just in time to see Gavin slide in next to me, a bright pink drink garnished with pineapple and a cherry in one hand, his usual beer in the other.

“Sex on the Beach.” He sets the drink in front of me before reclaiming his seat. I immediately take a long drink, the cold, fruity liquid mildly soothing the uneasiness that has settled in my chest. “Good?” He smiles, gesturing to the drink. “Amazing,” I admit, taking another long sip. “Val makes the best mixed drinks,” Decklan interjects, pulling my attention to where he has slid in next to Kimber and now has her small frame tucked against him. “I think I have to agree,” I admit, taking another drink. I honestly don’t know if the drink is really that good or if I’m just so desperate to numb the storm brewing inside of me that I’m not even really registering what it tastes like. Either way, I can tell almost immediately that it’s doing the trick. Slowly— over the course of the next few minutes— I feel the warmth start to spread across my face, the amount of liquor in the drink clearly more than I originally thought. I relish in the feeling, loving how little by little my fear and uneasiness start to fall into the background, and I find myself rather enjoying the casual conversation that floats among the four of us. Watching Decklan and Gavin is like watching an old married couple. They bicker back and forth, disagree about everything, and never seem to see eye to eye, but the bond between them is undeniable. By my second drink I am an active participant at the table, retelling the story of how when we were seventeen, Angel and I were forced to walk two miles home completely naked. It was late one summer night after her brother’s friend had stolen our clothes when we decided to take them off and jump into the local swimming pond. First and last time I’ve ever been skinny dipping. Having to walk two miles in the middle of the night, ducking behind trees to avoid being seen was enough to teach me my lesson there. My feet hurt for days afterward considering along with no clothes, I also had no shoes. I swear I think Kimber laughed harder than I’ve ever seen her laugh before. Probably because she knows me and Angel both very well and picturing this little adventure is not that hard for her to do. The guys spend the next hour retelling their own stories from childhood. Decklan jumping an old dirt bike over two derby cars and nearly breaking his neck. Gavin getting so high that he spent two hours laying in the grass, watching the stars as he sung himself lullabies. Drink after drink, hour after hour, time just seems to slip away. I’m completely captivated by Gavin; watching him speak, watching his reaction when Decklan tells us something funny from their past. I swear I fall harder and harder with each second that ticks by until I can no longer even remember why I was hesitant to begin with. His eyes, his smile, the way he looks at me when he catches me staring; I swear I could spend the rest of my life just staring at this beautiful man. We end up staying at the bar well past close. Paxton joins us after his last set and the stories continue well into the early morning hours. By the time Gavin finally leads me to the truck, the sun has already started to peek out over the horizon. Stopping just feet from his truck, I look over to find him watching me curiously. “What?” I ask, suddenly self-conscious. “You’re fucking beautiful, you know that?” His crooked smile is enough to send my heart galloping inside my chest. “I’m also very hungry.” I crinkle my nose, reaching for his hand. The second his fingers close around mine, I tug, pulling him toward me. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some pancakes around here?” I tease, pushing up to lay a gentle kiss to his mouth before pulling back. “I can think of a few things,” he teases, tightening his grip on me. “After pancakes.” I kiss him again, loving how at ease I suddenly feel with him.

“Fine. After pancakes.” He smiles, laying his lips to mine once more.

Chapter Fourteen Harlee Returning to my dorm room after spending the weekend with Gavin feels more like entering an alternate universe rather than stepping back into my normal life. I spend most of the afternoon cat napping, considering I never actually went to bed Sunday night. By five o’clock, I am up and as determined as ever to set this whole mess straight once and for all. Kimber’s right. I need to make a decision and stick with it. Holding my cell phone in my hand, I stare at it for a long moment before finally pressing Bryan’s number. I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest as it rings; once, twice, his voice finally sounding on the line before it can ring a third time. “Hey.” I can hear the usual smile in his voice. “Hey.” “How was Portland?” he asks. “It was fun. I enjoyed myself.” Guilt floods through me all over again. “Good. I’m glad. But I missed the hell out of you.” “I missed you, too.” I wish I could say my statement is the truth, but honestly, I thought very little about him for most of the weekend. I was too caught up in Gavin to really see anything past that incredible smile of his. “Do you think you can come over?” I ask, silently praying that he says no. I know I need to get this over with, but I really don’t know how I’m going to. Just talking to him reminds me what an amazing guy he is. When I close my eyes I can see his messy hair and laid back smile. He has this incredible way of making me feel so comfortable, no matter what’s going on around us. He makes me laugh. He’s dependable. He gets along with everyone. And most importantly, he doesn’t play games, which is more than I can say for Gavin. My heart knows what it wants... Gavin. But my head is still battling back and forth between the sensible, smart choice and the choice that lights my soul on fire. “Oh, babe. I wish I could.” Bryan’s voice pulls me from my inner battle and back to the present conversation. “I have my Ethics class in ten minutes. Monday night remember?” he reminds me. “Oh, that’s right. I forgot you have two evening classes this semester.” “How about dinner tomorrow night?” he suggests. “Yeah okay, that sounds good,” I agree, for the first time realizing that meeting him in public might be easier. At least that way he will be less likely to cause a scene when I drop the bomb on him that I’ve fallen in love with another man. Oh God, he has no idea this is even coming and here I’m just going to walk in there and crush him. Panic tightens my chest, making it almost impossible to suck in a good breath. “Harlee, did you hear me?” Bryan’s voice washes over me. “What?” The word comes out breathless. “Are you okay?” He seems genuinely concerned which only adds to the guilt.

“I’m fine. Sorry, I didn’t get much sleep this weekend.” I try to reel myself back in. “Well get some rest,” he instructs. “I gotta get into class. I’ll pick you up tomorrow, six o’clock?” “Actually, just text me the location and I’ll meet you there. I have one of Joy’s cars that I need to return to her. I can just drop it off after dinner.” “Sounds good. Talk to you soon.” “Okay.” “I love you.” His words catch me off guard, momentarily paralyzing my ability to respond. Without another word he ends the call, clearly chalking up my silence as I’ve already hung up. I drop the phone into my lap, taking several deep breaths trying to calm the rush of emotion that has suddenly washed over me. He said he loves me... This situation just got a whole hell of a lot more complicated. **** Getting through the day of classes was damn near unbearable. Not even Angel’s witty remarks and sexual comments about our English professor could pull me from the foul mood I woke up in. The only highlight of my entire day was a text message I got from Gavin just as I was getting ready for my dinner date with Bryan. I can still smell you in my bed. I fucking love it. It shouldn’t have brought a smile to my face, knowing what was to come, but it did. It made me wish I was there with him, lost in our own little world. Suddenly I didn’t know if I was more upset over what I was about to do to Bryan, or about the fact that all I wanted to do was be with Gavin and couldn’t be. At least not until Thursday after classes. God, since when does two days seem like an eternity of time? I drop Joy’s Mercedes off with the valet at Truman’s Fish Market, an upscale restaurant known for its fresh seafood selection, just fifteen minutes from campus. I’ve been here a couple times with Joy, but it’s been a while. Regardless I doubt it’s suddenly become a restaurant where you can secure a reservation one day in advance, which means Bryan has had this planned for at least a few days. This knowledge makes me even more nervous. Handing my jacket to the younger man working the coat check, I immediately smooth the knee-length black cocktail dress I chose for tonight, wishing I had settled on a material less likely to wrinkle so easily. “Harlee.” I hear Bryan’s voice just moments before he is standing directly in front of me. He’s wearing black pants and a dark gray button-down; much more formal than the normal casual beach bum attire he usually sports. His hair is combed back and when I finally meet his gaze, he’s wearing a ridiculously excited look. “Hey.” I plaster on my best smile, not pulling away when he leans in for a soft kiss. While it doesn’t light the same fire as Gavin’s kiss, it still causes a mild simmer beneath my skin. Truth is if I felt nothing for Bryan this would be much easier. Unfortunately, I have really grown to care for him over the past couple of months. “You look beautiful.” He pulls back, his smile still firmly in place. “And you—” I gesture to his outfit, “—very handsome.” “I didn’t think a place like this would appreciate my board shorts,” he laughs. “Come on. Our table is ready, but I wanted to wait for you at the door.” He gently guides me into the restaurant, his hand placed firmly against the small of my back.

‘What’s this all about?” I ask, taking a seat in the chair he pulls out for me. “This place is much fancier than our normal dinner dates.” “Well, today is not just any other date.” He takes a seat across the small two person table from me. “Today we are celebrating.” “And what exactly are we celebrating?” I ask, pausing when the waiter arrives to take our drink order. Bryan waits until the redheaded twenty-something disappears before continuing. “Do you know what today is?” he asks, raising his eyebrows up and down at me. I think for a long moment but can’t come up with anything. “Should I?” I ask, apology lining my face. “Probably not,” he laughs. “I’m sure I’m the only man on the planet who celebrates a two month anniversary.” “What?” The word falls from my mouth. His statement catches me off guard, the pure adoration written all over his face more than a little overwhelming. “Two months ago today, you officially became my girlfriend. It took me weeks to get you to finally agree to even go on a date with me, but once you did... Well, that was one of the happiest days of my life. I knew there was no way I was going to let you slip through my fingers.” He reaches across the table, twisting his hand around mine. “Which is why I am starting our first tradition. Every two months, on this date, I propose we do something special together. Something that reminds us how we felt then and how those feelings have grown into so much more since.” “I don’t know what to say,” I blurt, emotion clogging my throat. Here I expected some easy dinner where I would gently break things off with him. Now I have no idea what the hell to do. How do you break up with someone who clearly put so much into making this date special? “You don’t have to say anything. I don’t need anything from you, Harlee. No words. No actions. I just need you.” He squeezes my hand, not breaking away until the waiter returns with our drinks. Thankful to have a moment to compose my thoughts, I nod to the waiter before quickly skimming the menu. “Would you like a few moments?” he asks, gesturing to the menu. “No, I know what I want. Do you know what you want?” I nervously ramble. “Go ahead.” Bryan laughs lightly, clearly not reading anything into my reaction. Within two minutes our orders are placed and once again the waiter disappears, leaving me in the corner with this sweet, incredible man who’s heart I came here to break. Only now I don’t think I can do it. Maybe that’s selfish of me, but right now I don’t care. I can’t just end things with him like this. He deserves better. He deserves so much more than the less than stellar girlfriend I’ve been. The least I can do is give him tonight. One more night... I swallow down my original plan and do my best to pretend like this is any other night and the events that have taken place over this past week never happened at all. Surprisingly it’s easier than I thought it would be. Our conversation flows seamlessly throughout our meal. We talk, we laugh, and we hold hands. It’s all so natural. It isn’t until we exit the restaurant nearly two hours later that the reality of my situation starts to creep back in. The little voice in my head returns. The one that taunts me, calling me a whore and a liar. It’s more prominent now than ever before and maybe that’s because what I am doing right now is unforgivable. I’m giving Bryan false hope. I’m making him believe that our future stretches beyond tonight when in all reality this is the last date we will ever have.

It’s bittersweet. On one hand, I feel horrible and even a little heartbroken over the thought of me and Bryan never existing like this again. On the other, I know that Gavin is waiting for me on the other side. I made my choice. Now I just have to see it through. Bryan holds my hand and waits next to me until the valet finally pulls around with Joy’s car. Turning toward me, he gazes deeply into my eyes. I feel like he’s searching for something but I can’t quite figure out what. “Harlee...” he pauses, nervously biting his bottom lip, “...when I said I loved you last night, I meant it,” he admits, seeming uncharacteristically backward. “Bryan... I,” I start. “Don’t. You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to tell you in person so you know it’s real. I love you,” he says, leaning in to lay a sweet kiss to my mouth. Once again I can feel the thick emotion clog my throat, and I fight back the welling tears as I tighten my grip on him, deepening the kiss. I know I’m doing it for my benefit; my way of saying goodbye, and I’m so ashamed of the action. But in this moment, I don’t care. I just want him to know that no matter what happens from here on out, my feelings for him were always real. I truly care for Bryan. I would even go as far as to say that I love him. Maybe not in the way I love Gavin, but in a way that you love someone that over time becomes a part of who you are as a whole. I finally break the kiss, laying my forehead against his. “Goodnight, Bryan,” I get out breathlessly, turning around and quickly climbing into the Mercedes without looking in his direction again. I’m not even out of the parking lot before the tears start to fall. I’m so pissed at myself. I’m pissed that I couldn’t do what I came here to do. I’m pissed that I put myself in a position to have to do it in the first place. I know I need to take Joy’s car back, but right now there is one place I know I need to be. A place where I know I get no judgments. A place that feels more like home than any other place on this earth. I grab my cell and pull up Angel’s number. She answers on the first ring. “I’m coming over,” I croak, not wasting time with pleasantries. “I’ll have the tequila ready.” She reads me immediately, ending the call without another word. One great thing about having a friend like Angel is knowing that no matter what I need, she’ll always be there. It’s the type of friendship where sentences are finished and when one needs the other, everything else ceases to exist. I need a shoulder, some tequila shots, and maybe even a good punch in the face for how fucking stupid I am for getting so mixed up in all of this. I hit the gas pedal, loving the way the engine purrs under my sudden acceleration. I just need to get to Angel’s and forget this night ever happened. There will plenty of time to beat myself up tomorrow. Tonight I just need to exist without Bryan or Gavin. I need to exist in a world where I’m not the girl torn between two men but just Harlee. Within ten minutes, I am headed down the long, paved driveway that leads back to Angel’s parents house which sits about a quarter of a mile off the roadway. Parking the car around back, I head straight for the small gray-sided guest house that sits several feet behind the main house. Angel moved out of the main house after we graduated high school. I still remember how it took her weeks to convince her parents to let her move out here. She insisted that living in the guest house would give her a semblance of freedom while still remaining safely at home. I think her mom was sold from the beginning. It was her dad she really had to convince. The front door swings open before I even reach the landing, and Angel appears in the doorway. Her shoulder length black hair is pinned back away from her face and she’s wearing the ugliest pink pajamas

I’ve ever seen. She’s owned them for as long as I can remember and I swear as often as she wears them, it’s a wonder they are still in one piece. She gets one good look at me as I approach and immediately opens her arms, wrapping them around me the moment I reach her. “You look like shit.” She squeezes me tightly before releasing me. “You’re one to talk,” I bite playfully, pushing past her into the house. I cross the small space to the corner where a fluffy gray couch is pressed against the far wall. Collapsing on top of it, I let out a frustrated groan, rubbing my hand across my forehead. “That bad huh?” She appears next to me, flopping down to my right. “Worse.” I turn my face toward her, just now noticing the bottle of tequila in her hand. “Wanna talk about it?” She smiles, dangling it in front of me. Snagging the bottle from her hand, I quickly cross to the opposite wall that houses a small, galley style kitchen. Pulling down two shot glasses from the cabinet like I have so many times before, I set them on the counter before filling each one to the rim. “First, we drink.” I hand Angel her shot when she comes to stand next to me in the kitchen. We clink glasses and drink our shots in unison. Only a friend like Angel would let me show up at her house this late on a weeknight with no explanation and immediately start drinking with me. No matter what else happens, at least I have her. My friends are something I will never take for granted. At the end of the day, when all of this is said and done, they may be all I have left.

Chapter Fifteen Gavin “Oh shit, this has trouble written all over it,” Decklan says, exiting his apartment to find me and Paxton lounging at the bar, a bottle of scotch sitting directly between us. “Where’s your old lady?” Paxton leans forward to refill his glass. “Asleep.” He flips his eyes between the two of us. “Like you fuckers should probably be,” he says, sliding out the stool next to Paxton before taking a seat. “Because you’re fucking one to talk.” I lean forward, grabbing a rocks glass from the other side of the counter before sliding it down the bar toward Deck. “Now shut the fuck up and have a drink with us,” I say. “Didn’t you hear?” Paxton interjects. “Deck here is too good to hang out with us now.” “Fuck you,” Decklan huffs, snagging the bottle of scotch off the bar before filling his glass. “No really, it’s cool,” Paxton continues. “Trade your brothers in for a chick. We see how it is.” “What can I say; she smells better than you fuckers and is much better to look at, too.” He gives Paxton an evil grin before swigging down the contents of his glass. “I’m hurt. Are you saying we’re not pretty enough for you?” I chime in. I love getting the opportunity to bust Decklan’s balls. I get to do it so little these days. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.” He laughs, refilling his glass. “Seriously, though, what the fuck are you guys still doing here?” His question prompts me to look up at the clock for the first time in a while. “Fuck, is it really four in the morning?” I turn wide eyes on Paxton who just shrugs before taking another drink of his scotch. “We were just bullshitting,” I finally answer his original question. “Why aren’t you in bed yourself?” “Couldn’t sleep.” He takes another long drink. I know immediately that he must have had another nightmare. He’s had them for years, since the car accident he was in when he was seventeen. His fourteen-year-old brother Conner died in that accident and it has haunted him ever since. I remember right after the accident, they were so bad he would wake up screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night. Scared the shit out of me the first couple times it happened. “Thought you said they were better?” I ask, not bothering to ask why he can’t sleep given that I already know. “They are,” he agrees, “but every now and again one will hit me pretty hard. It’s shifted a bit, though. Now instead of seeing Conner’s face, I see Kimber’s. Fucks with me every fucking time. I’m like some crazy fucking parent waking up to make sure my baby is still breathing.” He shakes his head, taking another long drink. “I think I know what might help you get some sleep.” Paxton’s eyes light up as he reaches into the front pocket of his casual button-down shirt, moments later pulling out a joint. “Where the fuck did you get that?” I throw my head back on a laugh. I haven’t smoked pot since I was probably nineteen or twenty. I don’t know why, just kind of outgrew it I guess.

“Matt gave it to me,” he says, referring to one of our part-time bartenders. “Figures.” Deck shakes his head, reaching for the joint. “Matt would be the one to be giving away drugs in our bar.” He holds it up in front of his face and inspects it for a long moment. “Guess we shouldn’t let it go to waste.” He looks down the bar to me. “Light the shit up,” I say, seeing no reason not to. “Fuck it.” “And here I thought you fuckers had gone soft on me,” Paxton quips. He throws his head back on a laugh when Deck lights the joint and takes a deep inhale, his eyes widening as he tries to hold it in without coughing. Finally after several long moments, he lets out a stream of thick smoke, the smell of weed instantly filling the space. “Fuck. I forgot how good that shit tastes,” he says, passing the joint to Paxton who hits it like a pro before handing it to me. “Oh shit,” I mutter, looking at the joint in my hand wondering what in the hell I just got myself into. “Don’t be a fucking pussy. Hit it already.” Paxton shoves at my shoulder. “I got this,” I reassure him, lifting the joint to my lips. I take a deep inhale, trying my damnedest not to cough as I struggle to hold the smoke in my lungs. I finally blow it out slowly, feeling the familiar buzz already starting to creep its way in. We continue to pass the joint around until there is nothing left but a little roach too small to even hold between our fingers, by which point I’m beyond just being high. I feel like I just smoked myself stupid. My surroundings seem to shift and everything slows down around me. I look over at Decklan and immediately bust out in laughter. His eyes are completely bloodshot, and he’s squinting like he’s having trouble keeping them open. “Holy shit.” He starts laughing, too. “I’m fucking stoned.” This is all it takes for Paxton too, and the next thing I know we are all laughing like a bunch of teenagers. We spend the next hour reminiscing on all the times we used to sneak out into the woods behind Paxton’s dad’s house and smoke, and all the crazy shit we used to do after getting high. Over time the laughter falls away, and I find myself in the middle of maybe one of the most intense conversations I’ve shared with Paxton and Decklan in a very long time. I listen to Paxton talk about his mom, how hard it was to watch her slip away little by little, the cancer killing her from the inside out. I listen to Deck talk about how terrified he is that he’s going to fuck things up with Kimber, and how he finally finds himself wanting a family of his own. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard him mention kids, but I don’t miss the way his face lights up as he talks about the possibility of being a father. I have felt a distance between all three of us for a long time now and it feels so good to just sit together and hash out all our shit. Sometimes you just need to fucking say shit out loud to get it the fuck off your chest. When the conversation starts to taper off, I take a deep breath and finally say my own piece. “I think I’m in love.” Harlee’s face flashes through my mind the way it seems to do a hundred times per day. “Tell us something we don’t already know.” Paxton turns toward me, his mouth turned up in a wide smile. “Wait, what?” I retort. “Dude, you’re about as obvious as they come,” He continues, Deck nodding in agreement behind him. “I knew almost instantly that this was gonna be the girl.” He pauses. “The girl who finally woke you the fuck up,” he clarifies. “How could you possibly know that when I’m just realizing it myself?” I hate that apparently, I’m that fucking transparent.

“You’re so caught up in Harlee, dude; I’m surprised you can see what’s happening right in front of you,” Decklan chimes in. “Cause you’re one to talk,” I counter. “He can’t see what’s happening,” Paxton says to Decklan, agreeing with his prior statement before turning toward me. “For fucks sake, you’re balls deep over this girl and she still has a fucking boyfriend.” “Not after this past weekend, she doesn’t.” I finish off the last of my scotch in one drink. “She ended things with him?” Decklan seems surprised by this news. “I mean, she hasn’t said as much but yeah, as far as I can tell they’re done. I don’t need her to confirm that she’s told him. She said she wanted to be with me. I’m gonna take that as she’s made her choice.” “Okay then.” Paxton shakes his head in disagreement. “What the fuck is it?” I question, not liking his reaction. “All I’m saying is you better get that shit in writing. Lock it down that you’re exclusive at least. For all you know she could be playing you both. Some women like to see how far they can push a man before he finally reaches his breaking point.” He refills his glass and takes a long gulp. “Why do I get the feeling we aren’t talking about Harlee anymore?” I eye him curiously. Something is up with him. I can’t believe I just now noticed, but it’s blaringly clear. “I’m just saying.” He shrugs like it’s nothing. “Fuck that.” I shake my head. “What the fuck is going on with you?” “Nothing,” he insists. “Really it’s nothing.” He looks between me and Deck. I open my mouth to push for more but refrain when I hear a throat clear, snapping me from the fog I feel like I’ve been in for the last couple of hours. Looking toward the door that leads up to Decklan’s apartment, we all freeze when we realize Kimber is standing in the doorway, her arms crossed in front of her chest, her pretty face turned up in a playful scowl. “Seriously guys?” She steps toward the bar, letting the door swing closed behind her. “This place smells like a fraternity house.” She crinkles her nose. “That’s my fault.” Paxton immediately takes the heat. “I’m not your mother.” A smile spreads across her face as she steps up to the counter on the opposite side of us, immediately reaching for the scotch. “Drinking the good stuff tonight I see.” She sets the bottle down and turns her eyes to Decklan. “You okay?” She mouths even though we are all looking at her to see what she’s saying. I flip my eyes to Deck who nods yes and reaches for her hand which she willingly extends to him. “We didn’t wake you did we?” he asks, closing his fingers around hers. “No. I’m used to sleeping through the noise. You three have nothing on a packed bar.” She leans forward, resting her elbows on the bar directly across from Decklan. “So what are we talking about?” She eyes the three of us curiously. “Gavin’s in love,” Paxton blurts, throwing the attention my way. “What the fuck, dude,” I object. “What the fuck happened to keeping shit in the circle?” I ask, referring to the fact that what we say to each other stays with us and only us. “Duh,” Kimber’s response pulls my attention back to her. “Don’t look at me like that. You’re so obvious it’s almost a little pathetic.” She grins playfully. “But if it makes you feel any better, I think the only person more clueless than you is Harlee.” Her smile widens. “Well thank fuck for that.” I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers as I feel the effects of a small headache working its way in. “Come on, I’ll drive you two home,” Kimber offers, releasing Decklan’s hand. “You don’t have to do that,” he immediately interjects. “Considering they’ve been here drinking all night, yes, yes I do,” she insists. “I can take Gavin’s truck. I’ll drop them off and then bring the truck back here until later.”

“I’ll just follow you over and bring you back on my bike.” The moment the words leave Decklan’s mouth, Kimber cocks her head to the side and narrows her eyes at him. “Nope, you’re right. I’m going to go upstairs and try to sleep it off,” he says without her having to say another word. “Now that’s what you call balls deep,” I tease the moment he slides out of the bar stool. “Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you. I know I’m whipped,” he says, stepping directly in front of Kimber. “And I wouldn’t have it any fucking other way.” He plants a deep kiss on her lips. I immediately look away, as does Paxton, suddenly feeling like I’m intruding on a very private moment. I’ve seen Deck make out with countless girls, but there’s something very different about seeing him kiss a woman he loves. It’s more intimate and private. For the first time in my life, I’m actually able to relate. The thought makes me miss Harlee even more than I already do. “You can look now.” Kimber pulls my attention back to where she’s standing, a wide smile plastered across her face. “You, bed.” She opens the door leading upstairs and ushers Decklan through it, pushing the door shut behind him. “You two, come on.” She gestures toward the back entrance. “Fuck. Now I really feel like a fucking teenager again,” I whine, pushing off my stool. “But Mom, I’m not ready to leave yet,” Paxton continues the joke, calling after her as she pushes open the back door. Sunshine filters into the bar and for the first time, I realize that it’s daylight outside. Fuck... Where did the time go? “Don’t make me tell you twice.” She purposely tries to make her voice sound more parental, pulling the back door shut as soon as we’re all outside. I squint into the bright sun, following Kimber as she leads the way toward my truck that’s parked toward the back of the lot. “You know, you don’t have to drive us home. I can call a cab,” I object when she holds her palm out for my keys. “I realize this, but it’s a five-minute drive and there’s no sense in paying an arm and a leg for a cab when I can just take you really quick.” She nods when I drop the keys in her hand. “Now get in,” she orders, waiting until both Paxton and I are in the cab of the truck before climbing in. “You realize you’re still in your pajamas right?” I ask, just now noticing that she’s wearing one of Decklan’s old t-shirts, a pair of ratty looking plaid pajama bottoms, and thick pink house shoes. She didn’t even bother to put on a jacket despite the fact that it’s freezing this morning. “And?” She gives me a look that says she couldn’t care less before sticking the key in the ignition and firing the truck to life. “Girls.” Paxton looks at Kimber and then back to me before shrugging. “I’m sorry. Would you rather I go get dressed before driving your two drunk asses home?” she nips playfully. “Sorry, Mom,” Paxton jokes, shrinking down in the seat. “Boys.” She sighs, shaking her head as she pulls the truck out of the parking lot and heads in the direction of my condo.

Chapter Sixteen Harlee I look up from the textbook laying in my lap when a loud knock sounds against the door to my dorm room. Looking at the clock on my bedside table, I see it’s just after eight in the evening. Not sure who it could be, I drop the book next to me on the bed and push into a stand, quickly reaching the door just as another knock echoes through the room. Sliding the lock, I crack the door open just enough so that I can see into the hallway, letting it fall the rest of the way open the moment his blue eyes find mine. “What are you—” I start to ask but before I can finish my sentence, Gavin quickly steps forward, his mouth immediately closing down on mine. The contact instantly silences my attempt to speak as he backs me into my dorm room and kicks the door closed behind him. “God, I fucking missed you,” he growls against my lips, deepening the kiss as his hands immediately go for the band of my yoga pants. His fingers slide inside the elastic waist moments before he rips them and my panties down in one quick tug. As much as him showing up unannounced is a surprise to me, it takes my body no time at all to adjust to his presence. Within seconds I can feel the familiar buzz start to work its way through my limbs, the fire of his touch sending heat spiraling through my entire body. “I just couldn’t wait any longer.” He breaks away from my mouth just long enough to pull my hooded sweatshirt over my head and toss it to the floor. “Fuck me,” he rasps as his eyes trace down my chest, taking in my bare torso. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” His lips dip to my neck, his tongue flicking across the base of my throat. I let my head fall back, my hands tangling in his hair as I anchor my arms around his neck. “I can’t wait another second to be inside you.” His mouth finds mine again as he backs me toward the bed. The moment the mattress hits the back of my knees, I collapse on top of it, Gavin coming down directly on top of me. Kicking my pants the rest of the way off, I wrap my legs around his waist, moaning when he grinds his erection into me through the material of his jeans. I pull at his shirt, sliding it over his head when he pulls back slightly to make the task easier for me. My fingers trace the defined muscles of his chest, sliding lower along his abs as he hovers above me, his arms holding up the brunt of his weight. I flip my hand up, palming his erection which causes him to close his eyes as he grinds into my touch. The look of pure lust in his eyes when they finally open again sends a whole other wave of desire coursing through me. I unbutton his pants, ripping open the zipper before helping slide them off his hips. The moment his erection springs free, I wrap my hand around it, sliding it from the base to the tip. He groans again, this time, his eyes not leaving mine. Lining him up at my entrance, he pauses, looking down at me curiously.

“It’s okay, you can do it,” I reassure him, letting him know that I’m protected and that I trust him. His eyes burn even wilder when the realization finally sinks in and he immediately thrust forward, filling me so full so quickly that I can’t help but cry out from the sudden overwhelming feeling that spurs through me. “Oh fuck,” he breathes, dropping his face into my neck as he pulls out and thrusts back in. “Fuck, baby, you feel so fucking good.” He stills for a moment to really allow himself to feel me bare around him. “So fucking good,” he repeats, his mouth finding mine as he slowly starts moving in and out of me. I didn’t realize how much different it would feel having him inside of me like this, with no barrier between us. There are no words to describe how incredible it is to feel every inch of him pumping inside of me, seeing the pleasure my body is giving him when he pulls back and meets my gaze. That’s when it hits me, the first wave. It builds and builds making me feel like my body might split apart at any moment. I close my eyes but Gavin forces them back open, taking me by the chin. “Eyes on me. I want to watch you.” He thrusts harder, his words and movements splitting the last thread holding me together in two. I fall apart beneath him, struggling not to turn away from his gaze as the pleasure crashes through me over and over again. I can see his control faltering almost instantly. A wildness takes over his gaze as he pounds into me relentlessly, his gaze still firmly holding mine. I’m still riding out the last remaining pleasure of my orgasm when he finds his release as well, spilling himself inside me. A different kind of pleasure takes hold of me and I rock my hips, meeting him thrust for thrust until he finally collapses down on top of me. His lips immediately go to my neck, trailing soft kisses across my flesh as we both work to catch our breath and compose ourselves. “Holy fuck.” I can feel his smile against my skin. “Yeah,” I agree, the word just a whisper. “Holy fuck,” he repeats, happiness evident in his voice. “That was...” He pulls back to look at me, his face hovering just inches above mine. “Fuck.” He shakes his head slightly. “You’re fucking incredible.” He smiles, dropping his mouth to mine. He kisses me deeply for several long moments, his softening erection coming to life again still buried deep inside me. He moves slightly, testing to see my reaction to his eagerness to go again. Fortunately for him, I was ready to go again before the first time was even over. Smiling against his mouth, I raise my hips, egging him forward. It doesn’t take long before he’s moving in and out of me, his pace slow and steady while his lips remain on mine. The first time was all about satisfying the hunger building inside of both of us, having been nearly a week since we’ve seen each other. But this time, this is something so much more intense on a completely different level. He slides his tongue against mine, rolling his hips as my fingers tangle into his hair. My entire body feels like a wind-up toy. He keeps spinning my dial over and over, just waiting for the moment when he can release me and watch me roll straight over the edge. “Harlee.” His word is just a whisper against my lips as I feel his body once again start to go rigid around me. His muscles clench and tighten as he continues his slow, controlled movements. “Do it,” I urge him forward, my body already hanging on the edge for the past several minutes. That’s all it takes and in one deep groan into my mouth he lets go of his release, my orgasm following directly behind. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on for dear life, our teeth clattering together as we swallow up the cries of pleasure blending between the two of us. It’s the most intense and overwhelming orgasm I’ve ever had, and I know one hundred percent that it has everything to do with the fact that it’s no longer just sex with Gavin. There’s a deeper meaning, a need to claim not only each other’s bodies but each other’s hearts as well.

When Gavin relaxes down on me this time, there are no words said. In fact, neither of us seems to be in any hurry to do anything but enjoy the aftermath of what we just shared. We are beyond words now. My body has already told him everything he needs to know. I am his... As if there was ever any question to begin with. **** “I’m so happy you’re here.” I snuggle against Gavin’s chest, still not believing this is real. The whole situation feels more like a fantasy than anything that could actually happen, especially to me. I’m simply not this lucky. And yet, here he is; laying in my bed, warm beneath my touch. I’m so lost in this man, it’s hard for me to determine where I end and he begins. “Me too.” He lays a kiss on the top of my head, tightening his grip on me. “I’m sorry to show up without calling, but not seeing you wasn’t a fucking option.” He laughs lightly, the sound vibrating beneath my cheek. “I would expect no less.” I smile, finally coming to terms with the fact that this man is going to do what he wants when he wants and be damned if anyone is going to tell him otherwise. It’s one of the things I have come to love about him the most. His fearlessness. His drive. His unwavering determination. “So I have a confession.” He shifts slightly so he can look down at my face. “I also came here to ask you something.” He tilts my chin up before laying a light kiss to my mouth. “I was hoping you would join me for lunch tomorrow at my mom’s house.” His words instantly send my heart galloping against my ribcage. “I thought you’d have a harder time saying no to me in person.” He rubs his nose against mine. “What?” I pull back slightly, not able to hide my surprise. Are we at that point already? He’s ready for me to meet his mom? I’m not sure if I should be excited or scared shitless, but I’m suddenly feeling a little bit of both. “I know it seems like a big step but it’s completely casual, I swear. Decklan and Kimber are going. Paxton will probably stop by. I doubt any of my other family will be there with the exception of maybe Charlie, and even then I’m not sure about her.” “I...” I start but he cuts me off before I can get more than the one word out. “I thought it would be a nice way to kind of ease you in. To be honest, my family can be a bit nuts, and the last thing I want to do is overwhelm you,” he rambles. It isn’t until this exact moment that I see how nervous he is. It seems odd, watching a man like Gavin clearly struggle to do something as simple as inviting me to his mom’s house for lunch. This knowledge instantly calms any reservations I may have had about it. “I’d love to,” I cut him off just as he opens his mouth to say more. “Yeah?” He smiles down at me, a wide boyish grin that causes my breath to catch in my throat. “Yes,” I say, pushing up to kiss his jaw. “So I have to ask you something else.” He tucks me back against his chest, his tone falling more serious. “You and Bryan, it’s over right?” His question causes my chest to constrict in panic, and I blurt my answer before really thinking it through. “Yes.” I try to hide the sudden tremble that runs through me at the lie. I mean, it’s not entirely untrue. In my mind, Bryan and I are over. Now whether or not he knows it is a different story entirely. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to him since our dinner two nights ago and as horrible as I feel for not just doing it then, I feel even worse now spewing my lies to Gavin. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m normally a very straightforward, honest person, but this situation has turned me into a person I can barely stand to look at in the mirror.

I don’t know where my hesitation is stemming from. I want Gavin. I know I want Gavin. I just can’t seem to bring myself to utter those words to Bryan. Is it because I’m afraid of hurting him? Because a part of me isn’t ready to let him go? Because I’m still unsure about Gavin’s true intentions? I’m not really sure at this point. Maybe it’s a little bit of all of them. Gavin accepts my answer without question, shifting me to my side so he can tuck in behind me. He drops his face into my hair, pulling my back as close to his chest as he can get it. He lets out a deep sigh, relaxing into the mattress. I lay there for what feels like an eternity, staring out into the darkness of the room; my mind swirls with the truth of my lies. I don’t know at what point Gavin slipped off to sleep, only that his breathing eventually slowed and evened. I listen to each intake of air, counting the seconds between each breath as he sleeps peacefully behind me. The reality of how much I love this man is staggering. Even listening to him breath makes my heartbeat quicken. I have to tell Bryan. I have to tell him as soon as possible. I can’t risk jeopardizing Gavin’s trust. I won’t. As much as I don’t want to hurt Bryan, the thought of hurting Gavin is even more crippling. I won’t do it over the phone; he deserves more than that. But I will do it, and soon. No one tells you how hard these things are. I’ve never been in a situation to care enough about hurting someone, let alone two someones. This has to end, and I’m the only one that can make that happen. It’s about time I prove to myself that there’s nothing I won’t endure to be with Gavin. Because at the end of the day, he is the only thing in this world I know with complete certainty I don’t want to live without.

Chapter Seventeen Harlee “I’m so glad you came.” Kimber smiles from ear to ear, pulling me into a tight hug just moments after I step inside Gavin’s mom’s house. “Hey,” I say, pulling back to meet her gaze the moment she releases me. “When Gavin said he was inviting you, I thought there was no way you would agree.” She loops her arm through mine and pulls me further inside what appears to be a formal sitting room that sits just off the foyer. “I’m not very good at telling that man no,” I say loud enough so Gavin can hear, throwing him a playful glare as he steps into the room next to me. “Where’s Deck?” He turns his attention to Kimber. “Your mom has him fixing a loose cabinet in the kitchen,” she says. “I didn’t know he was so handy. Man’s been holding out on me.” She nudges my hip with hers. “That’s because he’s smart,” Gavin teases, stepping to the side with just enough time to avoid being smacked by Kimber who misses him completely and catches nothing but air. “You watch yourself, Porter.” She wags her finger at him. “Come on. Rosie is dying to meet you.” She winks, pulling me through the sitting room and down a short hallway that opens up into a rather large kitchen. My eyes barely make it past the large island that sits in the center of the room before they land on a petite, auburn-haired lady, her focus firmly on Decklan as he drills a screw into the cabinet hinge. “There,” he says when he’s finished, pulling on the door to show her that the issue has been fixed. “Thank you, my boy.” She smiles fondly at Decklan, patting his shoulder. “Don’t know what I’d do without you boys.” She turns, for the first time seeing that Gavin and I have arrived. “Speaking of my boys.” She smiles widely at her son, immediately crossing the space toward him. She has to be a good foot shorter than him and probably half of his weight, but that doesn’t stop her from pulling him down to her level as she wraps her arms around his neck and gives him a tight hug. “So glad you could make it,” she says, taking a step back to look at him moments after releasing him from her embrace. “Mom,” he says, turning his eyes toward me which draws her attention in my direction, “I’d like you to meet Harlee.” Her face immediately lights up as she turns toward me, eyes that match Gavin’s instantly finding my gaze. “My dear, you are simply gorgeous,” she says moments before pulling me into a hug as well. I try not to tense at the contact but can’t help my natural reaction to do just that. I’m not used to being around such affectionate people. I’m pretty sure I can count the times my mother hugged me on one hand. To have someone offer such affection right out of the gate is a bit overwhelming. “I’m so glad you could come,” she says, releasing me from her embrace before taking both of my hands in hers. “Gavin has told me all about you. He’s quite taken with you. Of course, now I can see why.” She winks, releasing my hands.

“Ignore her,” Gavin interrupts, shaking his head at his mom. “She gets really excited when she gets to meet new people. It’s like bringing home a new puppy; she can’t help but love all over it.” “Did you just compare me to a dog?” I hit him with a playful glare. “And she has sass.” Rosie pulls my attention back to her. “I think you’re gonna fit in here just fine.” She winks, turning her attention back to Gavin. “Why don’t you and Decklan go set the table? Leave the girls alone for a bit to chit chat,” she says, shooing Gavin toward the door. He throws me an apologetic smile before disappearing into the dining room with Decklan. While normally I would probably be panicking over the prospect of being left alone with his mother, there is something about her that just puts me at ease. “Is there something I can help with?” I ask, gesturing to the bread and various other ingredients spread out across the counter. “That would be lovely, dear.” She smiles and nods, turning her attention back toward the food. “Kimber, will you cut some cucumber for the salad?” she asks, turning to set two large cucumbers on the island in front of Kimber. “You got it.” Kimber grabs the vegetables and immediately crosses to the sink to wash them. It’s clear that this is not the first time she has helped Rosie in the kitchen. “Harlee, if you could grab a tomato over there and slice it up for the sandwiches.” She points to a row of tomatoes that line the back of the counter. If I had to guess, I would say they were pulled fresh from a garden within the last day or two. I don’t how I know that but I can just tell. “Of course.” I cross the space, grabbing the largest of the tomatoes before turning back to Rosie. “Knives are over there.” She nods to the opposite end of the countertop before I can even open my mouth to ask. “And there’s an extra cutting board in that cabinet.” Again she gestures with her head, dropping two pieces of bread onto the sandwich grill in front of her. The three of us fall into a steady rhythm, working together in comfortable silence as we prepare lunch. Rosie pauses here and there from what she’s doing to ask me a question: what I’m studying in school, where I grew up; the usual basic things. I find it almost unsettling how comfortable she has managed to make me feel in such a short period of time. It’s clear to see I’m not the only one, either. Kimber, who usually is more standoffish than I am, laughs and moves around the kitchen like she’s done so a million times before. I have to remind myself that while Kimber had both of her parents growing up; she’s never really known what it means to have a real mom. Hell, her mom was a lot worse than mine in some ways. While mine was addicted to pills and absent for most of my childhood, Kimber’s spent her early years trying to force her to be someone they wanted as a daughter rather than loving her for the amazing girl she already is. I’m not sure what’s worse—having a mom who chooses not to love you for you or having a mom who chooses to love something else more. Watching the way Kimber interacts with Rosie, it’s clear to see that she has come to look at her as more than just Gavin’s mom. In a way, the thought makes me jealous. Not that Kimber is a part of Gavin’s family now; that makes me extremely happy for her. It’s more of what Gavin has—what they all have— that makes me so envious. I try to picture what Gavin’s life must have been like as a child. How it felt having someone like Rosie as a mom and a household full of people who loved him. When I close my eyes I can almost see it; the picture perfect family I used to dream about when I was younger. He had it, all of it. And even though he lost his father a couple of years ago, the amount of love and happiness still evident in this house is overwhelming. “Harlee.” Kimber’s voice pulls me from my thoughts, and I look up to see her studying me curiously, a large salad bowl in her hands. “Come on.” She gestures to the doorway. “Oh sorry.” I shake my head.

Grabbing the pitcher of iced tea in front of me, I follow her into the dining room that sits just off the kitchen. When we enter the room, Gavin and Decklan are already at the table having a casual conversation with Paxton who must have just arrived. I smile when he nods in my direction, setting the pitcher of tea in the center of the table. Before I can even turn, I feel Gavin’s hand close down around my wrist and tug me sideways. I have no choice but to slide into the chair next to him, hitting him with an annoyed smirk the moment I do. He raises his eyebrows mischievously, leaning in to rub his nose along my jaw. Paxton groans playfully next to us, turning his attention to Rosie as she enters the room. “You outdid yourself, Mrs. P.” He looks out over the table as Rosie sets a fresh batch of oatmeal cookies in the center of it. The entire surface is covered with various foods. From grilled turkey club sandwiches and salad to tomato basil soup and croissants, there is a little something to satisfy just about anyone’s tastes. “I know who I’m feeding.” She gives Paxton a knowing grin. “I swear you three have been eating me out of house and home for the past fifteen years.” She shakes her head, pulling out the chair at the head of the table. “And yet you keep inviting us back.” Decklan laughs, dropping an arm around Kimber’s shoulder when she takes a seat next to him. “What can I say?” Rosie shrugs. “I guess I’m glutton for punishment.” She pauses, looking around the table. “Well, what are you all waiting for...? Eat.” She gestures to all the food on the table. Everyone begins helping themselves as conversation flows around the table. Rosie scolds Gavin for missing their monthly spaghetti dinner. Paxton harps on Decklan about when he’s going to stop living above the bar and buy a real house, to which Decklan reminds him that he has no room to talk, given that he’s living with Gavin. The bickering and playful banter that floats around me is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I have never met such a different group of people and yet every single one of them fits together to form this beautiful, chaotic mess of a family. “Everything okay?” Gavin leans in, squeezing my leg gently under the table when he notices I haven’t eaten much of my food. “Yeah.” I smile, meeting his incredible blue eyes. “Better than okay.” I lay my hand on top of his. “Thank you for bringing me.” I keep my voice low as to not pull attention from the other conversations happening around us. “Thank you for coming.” He gives me a half smile that instantly causes my heart to plummet into the bottom of my stomach. I don’t think I will ever get used to how intensely this man affects me. “Gavin, have you spoken to that sister of yours?” Rosie interrupts the moment, pulling her son’s attention to her. “Which one?” he asks, reaching across the table to retrieve a cookie, taking a large bite the moment it reaches his lips. “Charlie,” she answers like it should be obvious. “Doesn’t she live here?” Gavin asks, taking another bite of his cookie, reminding me more of a young boy than the strong, powerful man I know he is. “Don’t answer my question with another question. You know how much I hate that,” she scolds, wagging her finger at him as she reaches for her glass of tea. “I haven’t seen her.” He shrugs, finishing off his cookie in one more large bite. “Why do you ask?” “Well she was out all night with friends last night but she said she’d be here for lunch. I wasn’t sure if maybe you had spoken to her.”

The sound of chair legs scraping against the floor pulls my attention to the opposite end of the table just in time to see Paxton stand, grabbing his plate from the table. “That girl changes her mind on a dime.” Gavin shrugs, paying no mind to Paxton as he exits into the kitchen without looking at anyone. I glance around the table, curious as to how the person who knows him the least seems to be the only one who picks up on the fact that something is off with him. I suspected there was something between Paxton and Charlie the first time I was around them, and seeing his reaction when Rosie said she stayed out all night with friends, only further solidifies that I was right to come to that assumption. Though it would appear that I’m alone in this revelation, considering no one has even reacted to his sudden departure from the table. “Is she enrolling at the University this spring?” Kimber redirects the conversation slightly. “She’s still undecided.” Rosie wipes her mouth on her napkin before dropping it onto the empty plate in front of her. “Honestly, I’m just glad she’s home. Having my baby all the way across the country was harder than I thought it would be. Now that all my children are back in the same state, I feel like I can breathe again.” Just like that the conversation shifts in another direction, Rosie turning her attention to Kimber as she asks about how she’s enjoying the semester. I swear I have never been around a group of people that can fill the silence with so many different topics in the matter of one meal. Paxton reappears after a few minutes. He rejoins the table, his expression giving nothing away about where he went or why he left so abruptly. Like he never left at all, he joins in the conversation without skipping a beat. I don’t so much participate as much as I just sit back and listen, watching everyone. I’m still trying to figure out where I fit into this group and if I even belong at all. I jump slightly when my phone springs to life in my back pocket, the sound of high pitch chiming filling the room. I thought I had put it on silent. “Sorry,” I say, scrambling to get it out of my pocket so I can silence it. I fumble with the button, finally shutting the ringer off. It isn’t until then that I even pay attention to the name flashing across the screen. Bryan. I immediately flip my gaze to Gavin who is looking directly at me. I suck in a ragged inhale, panic flooding my insides when I realize that not only did he see who was calling my phone, but he also seems to know exactly what that means...

Chapter Eighteen Gavin It takes everything I have to get through the remainder of lunch without losing my shit. Why the fuck would that asshat be calling her phone? And why the fuck did she look like she saw a ghost when she realized I had seen it was him calling? I have trouble focusing on the road as I weave in and out of the late afternoon traffic headed back toward the university. Harlee sits completely silent next to me, staring out the window. I open my mouth to say something several times on the ten-minute drive back to her dorm, but I want to be able to look at her when she tells me what I know is coming. I’m not a fucking idiot; if Bryan calling didn’t give it away, her reaction sure as shit did. “Gavin, I...” Harlee stumbles out as I pull into the parking lot just a few yards from her dorm building. “You what?” I ask, shoving the truck into park before killing the engine. “What, Harlee?” I push when she makes no attempt to finish her sentence. She unlatches her seatbelt and turns toward me, pulling her left leg underneath her on the seat as she does. She holds my gaze for a long moment, clearly not sure where she should start. “Speak.” My annoyance is clear in my voice and I don’t miss the way her eyes widen slightly at my dog-like command. I hate how frustrated I feel. It guts me honestly; to feel the way I feel about her and now to have those feelings obscured by anger. On one hand, I want to pull her into my lap and forget that she lied to me about ending things with Bryan. On the other, I know if I don’t hear the truth directly from her, I won’t be able to let this go. “You have to understand, I tried...” she starts, her words falling away when a vicious laugh rips from my chest. “Let me guess. You tried to break things off with him, but you just couldn’t do it.” I mimic her demeanor. “Why don’t you try a different angle because that sob bullshit might work on some men,” I say, my referral to Bryan very clear. “But it doesn’t fucking fly with me.” “Oh my god, would you stop?” Harlee finally seems to find her voice, her arms crossing in front of her chest as she straightens her posture. “Seriously, you’re acting like a fucking child,” she snaps, narrowing her eyes at me. “That’s rich.” I let out a frustrated sigh, running my hands through my hair. “Just let me explain,” she continues as if I said nothing at all. “Explain what exactly?” I cock my head to the side to study her. “Explain how you flat out lied to me when I asked you if you had ended things with Bryan?” “I didn’t lie,” she insists. “Things are over with Bryan. I just... I just haven’t exactly told him that yet.” “You’re un-fucking-believable you know that?” I cut in before she can continue. “I’m trying to make you understand,” she tries again. “Please, by all means, try to make me understand.” I roll my eyes, already over this entire fucking situation.

“I met Bryan for dinner on Tuesday,” she starts, ignoring the look of pure rage that takes over my face. “I only agreed because I wanted to end things face to face,” she quickly adds. “But when I got to the restaurant, I just couldn’t do it.” She hits me with an apologetic look. “And.” I try to keep my emotions in check and keep an open mind. The task is proving much harder than I ever thought possible. “He had orchestrated this whole special evening to celebrate our two month anniversary. He went through so much trouble to make it happen and was so excited to surprise me that I didn’t have the heart to just end it right there on the spot.” “So you just pretended like everything was normal?” I hit her with a look of disbelief. “You had spent the entire weekend in my bed.” “I know. I know. I’m a horrible person.” She takes a deep breath, her gaze darting between me and her hands which are knotted tightly in her lap. “It’s one thing to break up with someone; it’s another to do it when they have clearly gone through so much trouble to show you how important you are to them.” “Did something happen between the two of you?” I brace myself for an answer I’m not sure I want to know. “We kissed,” she admits, her voice barely breaking the surface. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I roar, the last shred of the hold on my temper tearing away. Just the thought of that asshole touching her sends an entirely different kind of anger through me. A jealousy I have never experienced before. I don’t just hate the way it makes me feel, I loathe it. Every single fucking little part of it. “It was just a kiss, it meant nothing,” she scrambles, clearly caught off guard by my reaction. “Just a kiss?” I ponder her statement for a long moment, floored by how casual this seems to be to her. “Is this some kind of fucking game to you? See how far you can string us both along and which one is willing to let you do it the longest?” “Of course not,” she gasps. “Are you sure? Because it sure as hell seems that way to me. Just a kiss... You are a real piece of work you know that?” I shake my head, not sure how to reel my emotions in. “Me?” Her voice rises in anger. “What about you? You’re the one who pursued me, remember? You knew I had a boyfriend. I never tried to hide that from you. What the hell gives you the right to treat me like some unfaithful whore? You are not the one I’ve been cheating on, Bryan is. Me kissing him was not a betrayal to you. Me being with you was the betrayal to him. So stop acting like I’ve committed some unforgivable act that you just can’t get past. You asked for this,” she screams, pointing her finger in my face. “You forced me to love you when all I wanted was to forget you ever existed.” I open my mouth but then close it again, the reality of her words hitting me like a thousand pound brick. It settles on my chest and makes it feel damn near impossible to suck in a full breath. “You’re angry with me, but really it should be me angry with you,” she continues, a welling tear finally finding its way from the corner of her eye. It rolls down her cheek slowly, leaving a wet trail down her perfect skin. It takes everything in me not to pull her into my arms and comfort her, but I know nothing will get resolved that way. “Do you have any idea the position you’ve put me in?” She swipes at a second tear. “I was finally happy and then you had to push your way back into my life and fuck everything up.” Her voice breaks in the middle. “I didn’t realize I was such an imposition on your perfect little fucking life,” I bite, the overwhelming rush I felt moments earlier fizzing away in an instant. “That’s not what I meant.” She immediately backpedals. “I know what you meant, Harlee; you’ve been more than fucking clear,” I bite.

“Don’t do that.” She reaches for my hand, her tears falling harder when I rip it out of her grasp. “Don’t you dare pull away from me, Gavin Porter. You’re not imposing on my life. You are my life. I just need you to understand this isn’t so black and white. I had a life before you, a boyfriend, and he deserves the best I can do by him given what I’ve done. I refuse to cause him any unnecessary pain. I won’t. I’m sorry if you can’t understand that.” “Oh, I understand it just fine. The problem is that you seem to care more about hurting him than hurting me.” “I haven’t done anything to you.” She tries to control the tremble in her voice. “You’re fucking blind if you believe that’s true. You’ve been stringing me along the exact same way you have Bryan. You’re not willing to let either of us go, and I’m not a man who can share.” “I’m not stringing you along, Gavin. I chose you. I choose you. I know what I want.” She wipes at another tear that falls down her cheek. “Then prove it,” I challenge. “Call Bryan, right now. Tell him exactly what’s been going on between us and end this once and for all.” “You can’t be serious.” She shakes her head. “Oh, I’m very serious.” “That would devastate him,” she objects. “And?” I question. “He deserves the truth, Harlee.” “I understand that, but there is a right way to do this,” she insists. “And what exactly is the right way, Harlee?” I bite. “To tell him you just need some time apart. That it’s not him, it’s you. What bullshit excuse are you planning to feed the poor bastard?” “Whatever one hurts him the least.” “Not an option.” I shake my head slowly back and forth. “He deserves the truth, Harlee. And I deserve someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to be with me.” “I am willing to do whatever it takes to be with you. I put myself in this mess to begin with because of you. Now you act like I somehow made you false promises and misled you. You blew me off after we slept together the first time. You dropped me so quick I didn’t even have time to wash your smell off my skin before you were moving on to the next girl in line. You can’t blame me for not wanting to end things with Bryan when you suddenly reappeared in my life.” “Do you even hear yourself? You’re openly admitting that you cheated on Bryan and yet still kept him around in case I flaked. What does that say about you, Harlee?” “You think I don’t know what kind of person this makes me? You think I don’t feel guilty every second of every day? I do. I hate the person that looks back at me in the mirror. But you can’t fault me for not wanting to lose Bryan over someone like you.” “Someone like me?” I question, letting it hang between us for several long seconds. “Don’t act like you have no idea what I’m talking about. I’ve seen the way you are with women. I’m not stupid. I knew what kind of man you were from the very first night I saw you. I had a good thing with Bryan; a stable thing. I was determined not to let you derail that. But then you’d smile at me or kiss me and my entire fucking mind would turn to mush. I didn’t want to want you, Gavin. I didn’t want to love you. I wanted to hate you because hating you is so much fucking easier. You did this. You put all three of us in this situation. So don’t sit here and lecture me about the kind of person I am. You pursued another man’s girlfriend, and you did so without any remorse.” “Because I go for what I fucking want, and I don’t let anything or anyone stand in my way.” “That’s an easy mentality to adopt when you’re not the one who has to break someone else’s heart,” she snaps, clearly growing more frustrated. “I get the hesitation in the beginning, I do. I understand why you tried to resist me. Hell, I even understand why you chose not to end things with Bryan right away. But it has been weeks now, Harlee.

Have I not proven to you that I’m in this and this is what I want?” I gesture between the two of us. “It’s not that simple. What you’re asking me to do isn’t fair. I can’t just call him and drop this on him. Why hurt him unnecessarily? You win. You’ve got me. Now let me do this in a way that I can still live with myself afterward.” “You mean let you sit on it for who knows how much longer before you fill the poor bastard’s mind with lies and false hope. He deserves to know the truth, Harlee. He deserves to know what’s going on. Otherwise, he’ll never let you go. He will pine after you and hold out hope that you will change your mind and come back to him.” “No, he won’t.” I’m not sure if she’s trying to convince me or herself. “I’ve met the guy, Harlee. I’ve seen how he looks at you. You go to him with some bullshit about things just not working, and he’ll never settle. You go to him and tell him the truth...” “He’ll never want to see me again.” She finishes my sentence. “And that’s exactly what you want. You want me to unnecessarily cause him pain so you don’t have to worry about him being a factor anymore.” “Of course, I don’t want to fucking deal with him still pining after you. I want him as far away from both of us as possible. But you misunderstand my request as selfish; it’s not. You call Bryan and tell him the truth because that’s what decent human beings do.” “So now I’m not a decent person because I don’t want to hurt someone?” She’s looking at me like I have five heads. “Call him.” I ignore her question. “And if I don’t?” “Then we’re done,” I say, matter of fact. “You can’t be serious.” I see the panic and realization flood her face in unison. “I’m very serious. I need to know that you’re with me one hundred percent.” “I am. I am with you a hundred percent. Please, just don’t make me do it this way.” Tears flood her cheeks and she reaches for me again. “You say you’ve made your choice, then prove it,” I say, reaching around her to pull her cell phone out of her back pocket. “Show me it’s me.” I flip her hand upward and set the device in her palm. She stares at it for several long moments before her tear-filled gaze meets mine. “I can’t.” Her words are barely a whisper and yet echo over and over again like she’s screaming at the top of her lungs. “You mean you won’t.” I keep my voice even despite that fact that I feel like I could punch a fucking hole straight through one of the truck windows at this current moment. “If you could just give me more...” “You can have all the fucking time you want,” I interrupt her. “I’m done,” I say, turning forward as I reach for the ignition, firing the truck to life. “What are you saying?” “I’m saying get the fuck out of my truck, Harlee.” I keep my eyes focused forward as I try to hold my shit together. “Gavin. Don’t do this,” she pleads, her hand settling down on top of my forearm. I shake off her touch and finally meet her gaze. “I said, get the fuck out of my truck,” I repeat, accentuating each word. “Now.” My voice booms through the truck causing Harlee to jump slightly. I grip the steering wheel tighter and focus my eyes back through the windshield. “For what it’s worth,” she says weakly, shoving open the passenger door. “I love you.” I ignore both the sting and elation that crashes over me at her words. I can feel my emotions slip behind the black wall, numbness taking the place of where my love and anger reside. “You have a funny way of showing people that you love them,” I grind out.

I hear her trying to muffle a sob as she slams the door shut and takes off toward her dorm. I watch as she crosses the courtyard before finally disappearing inside the large brick building. I know I’m an asshole. I know I have no right to demand such things of her. I know I don’t deserve her love. I know a lot, but it doesn’t change one fucking thing. She’s proven to me she’s incapable of handling this on her own which means only one thing. I’m either going to have to force her into a situation she can’t back out of, or I’m simply going to have to let her go. Either way, I will most likely end up losing her in the end...

Chapter Nineteen Gavin “You know, she’s just as miserable as you are.” Kimber slides into the stool next to me. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” I keep my gaze focused on the flat screen television mounted on the wall behind the bar, taking another long drink of my beer. “Are you sure you and Decklan aren’t real brothers?” She nudges my shoulder with hers. “You sure as hell act the same.” “He just likes to be like me.” I turn my face, finally meeting her gaze. “There he is.” She smiles, causing my own lips to twitch upward in the closest thing to a smile I have formed in the last forty-eight hours. “Where is Decklan anyway?” I look around the bar, realizing he must not have come down with her. “He’s sleeping.” Her statement causes me to glance at the clock. “At ten thirty?” I gape at her. “I know, right,” she laughs. “For the longest time, I couldn’t get him to sleep at all. Now I feel like it’s a struggle to keep him awake some nights.” “He’s an old man now.” I laugh before falling serious. “I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you,” I say, not missing the confusion that immediately floods her face. “Thanked me?” she questions. “For what you’ve done for Deck. You pulled him out of a hole I was convinced he would eventually die in. You’ve given him life. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy. I know things were rocky there for a while. I’m glad you stuck it out.” “Please. That man is stuck with me whether he wants to be or not.” She smiles, the action lighting up her entire face. “You don’t have to thank me, though. I love him.” “I know I don’t have to thank you, but I’m doing so anyway. He’s my family and now so are you.” I nudge her shoulder the same way she did mine just moments ago. “I take it you’ve spoken to her?” I pull the conversation back to Harlee without skipping a beat. I can try to play it off like I don’t care all I want. It still doesn’t change the fact that it’s fucking killing me to try to focus on anything other than the beautiful girl that has completely consumed every fucking inch of me. “I have,” she confirms, nodding to Val when she slides a glass of water in front of her. All I can see is Harlee’s face, the events of two nights ago replaying in my head like a bad movie I just can’t seem to force myself to shut off. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought forcing her hand would somehow prove that I had won, that I was who she wanted. Unfortunately, it would seem my actions have had the opposite effect. She’s made no attempt to contact me, and I’m too fucking proud to make the first move. I’m not exactly sure where that leaves us. “How is she?” I ask when she makes no attempt to elaborate on her statement. “How do you think she is?” She narrows her gaze on me. “I guess it’s safe to say I’ve made a real mess of things.” I shake my head, turning my focus forward.

“So it would seem,” she agrees, falling silent for a long moment. “What did you hope to prove anyway?” “I don’t know.” I shrug, taking another long drink of beer. “I guess I just hoped she’d stop finding excuses not to commit to me.” “Do you blame her?” Her question pulls my gaze back to her face. I expect to see a look of judgment or at the very least one of distaste; what I see instead is understanding. “I get it, Gavin,” she continues. “You love her. You’re ready for more. But you have to understand that for a girl like Harlee, more can be a very scary thing. Especially when it’s with someone like you.” She laughs when I arch my eyebrows. “Relax, I don’t mean that in a bad way. You know I love you.” “Why do I get the feeling a but is about to come out of your mouth.” “But.” She laughs before continuing. “You aren’t the most open person in the world, and you do have a bit of a reputation as a player.” She seems almost apologetic by her statement. “Did you ever consider that this was never about Bryan? That Bryan was just Harlee’s way of buying herself more time where you’re concerned?” “Is that what she told you?” I question. “She hasn’t told me anything. Not really.” She shrugs. “I don’t even know if she’s figured this out for herself yet. But I know her well enough to know when she’s stalling.” She pauses, clearly choosing her next words wisely. “Has she ever told you about her parents? About her childhood?” “Bits and pieces. I know her mom passed. I know her dad lives close by. I know she doesn’t have any siblings. Is there something else?” I ask, seeing the look of realization as it crosses her face. “Gavin, Harlee’s mom didn’t just die, she overdosed. She was a drug addict. And what’s worse, Harlee is the one who found her. Can you imagine being ten-years-old and walking in to find your mother sprawled out on the floor no longer breathing?” “I had no idea,” I admit, trying to calm the sudden rush of sadness I feel at the thought. “And her dad does live close by, as in Oregon State Penitentiary close.” She ignores my clear surprise and continues. “When Harlee was fifteen, he was arrested for armed robbery and sentenced to ten years.” “Why wouldn’t she tell me this?” I question, confused and honestly a little hurt that I have to hear this from Kimber instead of Harlee herself. “Is that something you would walk around announcing, especially to someone you’re falling in love with? She’s embarrassed, Gavin. Her aunt Joy took her in afterward. Her father’s much younger sister,” she clarifies. “Joy has been more of a mom to Harlee in the last four years than her real mom ever was. But this isn’t a sad story, Gavin. I’m not trying to spin you some tail about how horrible her childhood was. I’m just trying to give you a better understanding of where she comes from. She has a harder time trusting than most, and I’ve found that she tends to make excuses when it comes to committing herself to anything. I think at the end of the day, she’s just afraid to open herself up to the unpredictability of a real relationship.” “Yet she’s with Bryan?” I interject. “And look at that relationship.” She rolls her eyes. “If she felt even half for Bryan what she feels for you, she never would have even looked at another man, let alone be sleeping with one on the side. Bryan is safe for her. He’s kind and sweet and doesn’t ask too much of her. Deep down she knows he can’t hurt her because she doesn’t love him. Instead, he’s her armor. She’s hiding behind him.” “So when I asked her to shed her armor...” I start. “She panicked.” Kimber finishes my sentence. “I don’t doubt that she likes Bryan, but I knew almost immediately that their relationship stemmed from her feelings for you. I knew it when she suddenly went from obsessing over you to dating him out of the blue. Harlee hasn’t ever really had a steady relationship, at least not from what she’s told me. And then all of a sudden she’s dating some guy, whose direction she

wouldn’t even look in a few weeks ago. And it all lines up with when you came into her life. I refuse to believe that’s just coincidence. Bryan is more her shield than her actual boyfriend.” “I don’t get it, though. Why shield herself from me, if that’s what she’s actually doing? I’ve been nothing but upfront with her. She knows what I want.” I finish off my beer before sliding the glass to the edge of the bar. “I’m not playing her. I’m not playing games. I fucking love the girl.” “I know you do.” She reaches out, patting my forearm with her hand. “But take it from someone who’s been there, loving a man is hard enough; loving someone you’re convinced will eventually break your heart is something else entirely. It’s hard to really put yourself out there when you’re certain you already know the outcome.” “Then why choose to love that person at all?” I ask, nodding when Val slides a fresh beer across the bar to me. “Because it’s not a choice. Did you choose to love Harlee?” “No,” I answer truthfully. “Exactly. It just happens. Harlee loves you, Gavin. I know you know that. You are who she wants. I know you know that, too. But you can’t force her into something she’s not ready for. All you can do is show her that she’s worth waiting for.” “Like you did with Decklan,” I state, knowing first-hand how determined this girl was when it came to holding on to Deck no matter how hard he tried to push her away. “In a way, yes. I knew he loved me. I also knew he was going through something I didn’t fully understand. Don’t get me wrong, there were times that I wanted to walk away. Times when I convinced myself that life without him would simply be easier. But at the end of the day, easy was never what I wanted. I wanted him. No matter how many ups and downs we had, no matter how many secrets he kept or how often I wanted to force them out of him. Not one of those things made me love him any less. In fact, they made me love him more. That’s how I knew it was real. There was nothing I wasn’t willing to sacrifice for his happiness, and there still isn’t. That’s what love is really all about. Wanting what’s best for the other person even if it directly conflicts with your own happiness.” “But what happens when the person’s happiness you value above your own is being restricted by themselves? What if they are standing in the way of their own happiness and are just too blind to realize it? What then?” I spin my stool slightly so that I can face Kimber straight on. “Then I guess it’s your job to make them see it.” Her response is instant. “But just make sure that you’re doing it for her and not for yourself.” “What if I’m doing it for both?” “Why do I get the feeling you’re planning something?” she questions, her pretty face turning suddenly accusatory. “Because I am.” “I say this because I love both of you. Be careful. Even when you set out to do things for the right reason, it can still blow up in your face. You have to make sure you can live with either outcome.” “I won’t live without her. Honestly, I don’t fucking know if I can.” “Then you better make damn sure you know what you’re doing,” she warns. “Fuck. I don’t know anything when it comes to that girl,” I admit. “Funny, she said the same thing about you.” “I thought when I demanded that she call Bryan with me sitting next to her that she would. I thought for sure when she refused that she’d eventually agree. I thought when I pushed her away it would make her see just how serious I am about this, and she would realize I was right. You see how well that’s worked out.” I sigh, drinking half of my beer in one large gulp before setting the glass back onto the bar. “Hell, now she probably wants nothing to fucking do with me,” I tack on. “That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“Why do you say that?” I ask when she makes no attempt to explain. “Harlee hasn’t called you, but that’s not because she hasn’t wanted to. She truly believes she’s pushed you too far and you’re done with her. She spent so much time convincing herself that eventually you would walk away; once you did, I think she just accepted that there wasn’t anything she could do to change it.” “Fuck. I really fucked this one up, didn’t I?” I rest my elbows against the bar, dropping my head into my hands. “I actually see where you were coming from. It can’t be easy loving someone you feel like you have to share with someone else. I’m surprised you’ve let it go on as long as you have.” “I was trying to win her heart before I forced her hand.” “Well, you’ve definitely won her heart. Question is, what are you going to do now?” “Force her hand.” I let out a small laugh when Kimber cocks a brow. “Didn’t you try that already?” She shakes her head at me. “How’s that working out for you again?” “This time, it won’t be me demanding the answers.” I sit back, turning my head toward Kimber. “I don’t think I want to know,” she says, shaking her head. “Good, because I have no intention of telling you.” My words cause her eyes to go wide just moments before we both start laughing. “My god, I don’t know how Harlee deals with you.” She laughs out, turning her attention to the door just to the right of the bar when it swings open and Decklan steps out. He yawns and runs a hand through his messy hair, smiling when he catches sight of me and Kimber sitting at the bar. “There you are,” he says the moment he reaches us, dropping a kiss on the top of Kimber’s head before throwing me a nod. “What are you doing up?” Kimber asks, swiveling her stool so that she is facing him. “I woke up and you weren’t there. I couldn’t seem to go back to sleep after that.” He shrugs, not even trying to hide the fact that this girl completely fucking owns him. I know the feeling. “Sorry, I wasn’t tired. Found this sorry sap drinking away his sorrows, so I thought I’d keep him company.” She throws a playful wink in my direction. “Is that so?” Decklan turns his attention toward me. “Anything I can do?” he asks, already knowing in full detail the events that took place after I left my mom’s with Harlee the day before yesterday. “Probably best to leave this to the professionals,” Kimber chimes in jokingly, sliding out of her stool to stand next to Decklan. “Come on, let’s get you back to bed.” She links her arm through his. “I’m not really tired anymore.” He smiles down at her. “Who said anything about sleeping.” She laughs when the realization of what she’s saying finally seems to sink in. “Night, dude.” Deck briefly lays a hand on my shoulder before throwing his arm around Kimber. “Good luck,” Kimber speaks over her shoulder as Decklan leads her away. “And don’t make things worse.” She raises her voice as she gets further away. “I’ll do my best,” I holler back, laughing as her and Decklan disappear upstairs.

Chapter Twenty Harlee I have no idea why the hell I’m doing this. I should have just ignored Kimber’s phone call, and continued to pretend like my life isn’t falling apart around me. But something made me answer it. Now here I am, driving two hours to Portland despite how late in the evening it is. I just couldn’t stop myself after hearing what Kimber had to say. I have to see him, now. I have to explain to him why I couldn’t do what he asked of me. I know it isn’t unreasonable. I should break things off with Bryan. It’s what’s best for everyone involved. But I just couldn’t do it. Not like that. Not with him breathing down my neck and listening to every word. He was so angry with me. I don’t think I’ve ever had a man look at me the way Gavin looked at me that night. It was like part of him wanted to strip me bare and the other wanted to punch me in the face. The contradicting emotions made things more than a little difficult to read. I’ve spent two days trying to convince myself that getting out of that truck and letting him drive away was the right move even though it’s the last thing I wanted. I’m done now. Being without him these past couple of days, not hearing his voice or his laugh, not feeling the warmth of him pressed up against me, has been enough to make me realize that some things are just worth sacrificing everything for. He is worth everything and then some. I think it’s about time I tell him this. I call Bryan four times on my way to Deviants, but still haven’t reached him by the time I pull into the parking lot behind the bar just after one in the morning. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I have been completely avoiding him since we went to dinner last week. As far as I know he’s probably planning on ending things with me and all of this back and forth trying to save his feelings will have been for not. I decide to try and call one more time before going inside to see Gavin. But like the other four times I’ve called, the phone goes straight to voicemail. This time, I decide to leave a message. “Hey Bryan, it’s me. Listen, we need to talk. Can you call me back when you get this?” I disconnect the call, killing the engine to Joy’s Mercedes as soon as I pull into a spot at the back of the lot. I tried returning the car to her last week only to find out she took an impromptu trip to the Florida Keys for a week and won’t be home until the day after tomorrow. Now I’m glad I decided to keep it until she gets back, otherwise this trip wouldn’t have really been an option. I’m not like Kimber. I can’t endure a two-hour cab ride to Portland. Taking a deep breath, I exit the car, tightening my coat around my shoulders as I make the cold walk around the building to the front entrance of the bar. I wish I had taken more time to get ready but this truly was a spur of the moment, now or never kind of thing, so Gavin’s just going to have to deal with my leggings and oversized tunic. I’m sure I look every bit a hot mess, and I’m also sure that I really don’t give a shit right now. Given that it’s one of their slower nights, there is no bouncer manning the front door, and I’m able to walk directly inside without drawing any attention to my arrival. It’s no secret that Gavin and I have been hanging out and everyone that works here knows exactly who I am.

I slide my coat off and drape it over my arm the moment I step inside, the warmth of the bar a complete contrast to the bitter night air outside. I look around the room, scanning the faces of only a handful of customers before finally turning my attention to the female bartender who seems to notice my arrival instantly. “Hey Val,” I say the moment I reach the bar. She barely looks up from where she’s washing glasses to give me a brief nod. “Is Gavin still here or has he already left for the night?” “Um...” She gives me a puzzled look and then gestures to her left drawing my attention to two people at the end of the bar. It takes me a moment to recognize Gavin, not because he looks any different but because his face is almost completely hidden behind a big breasted, slender brunette that is practically sitting in his lap. I ignore the sting of jealousy that floods through me as I set off in their direction, not really sure what’s going on until I get close enough to hear them. “Oh come on, Gav. You used to be so much fun.” The woman whines, grinding against his leg. “And he used to not have a girlfriend.” I step up next to them, my eyes locking immediately with Gavin’s, which go wide the moment he registers my face. “Girlfriend?” The brunette pulls my attention to her as she steps up in front of me. “You? Please.” She throws her head back and laughs, the sound slurred through her clear intoxication. “As opposed to a catch like you,” I bite sarcastically, my nostrils flaring slightly. I’ve never been in a real fight in my entire life, but given the amount of adrenaline pumping through me at the current moment, I have no doubt I could knock this bitch on her ass and not even break a sweat. “Now, ladies,” Gavin chimes in, pulling both of our gazes to him as he stands, stepping between us. “It was good seeing you again, Abbey,” he says to the brunette. “Val will get you a cab when you’re ready to leave.” He turns, ignoring her clear disappointment as his attention comes to me. “As for you, come with me.” His tone is harsh and clipped as his hand closes around mine. In one quick tug, he’s pulling me behind him, away from the bar and down the hallway that houses the bathrooms. At first, I think he’s leading me toward the back entrance but then he veers left, pushing his way through the door that leads into a small storage closet where they keep cleaning supplies and other various things stocked. The room goes pitch black when he slams the door shut just moments after pulling me inside but then the light flickers on, basking us in a dim yellow glow. “What the fuck are you doing here?” He takes a commanding step toward me causing me to step back. “I needed to see you,” I stutter out, taking another step backward until my back hits the cold steel of the door. “I thought I was pretty clear the last time we spoke.” He steps directly into me, his chest pressing into mine as his face hovers just inches away. It isn’t until now that I notice the alcohol on his breath or the bright red streaks that line his eyes. “I’m sorry, did I ruin your fun?” I spit, anger creeping through my spine at the thought of what may have happened between him and that woman had I not shown up. “Maybe you did.” His mouth curves into a wicked smile, taunting me. What happened to the man that Kimber said just two hours ago was beating himself up over the way he treated me? “He’s so in love with you.” She had said. “You guys really need to work this out.” She had said. Well, fuck that. I have no interest in working anything out with a man who thinks it’s okay to dangle other women in front of my face. I should never have come here. “You’re an asshole.” I try to push against his body when he presses into me harder, but it’s like pushing against a brick wall, and he doesn’t move an inch.

“Get off me, Gavin,” I warn. “Or what?” He leans down, his lips so close to mine I can practically taste them. “What are you going to do, Harlee?” He grinds against me, making the presence of his hardening erection known. I wish my stomach didn’t clench tightly at this knowledge. I wish it didn’t cause my skin to prickle or little beads of sweat to form at my hairline, but it does. My entire body comes to life in that one action. Traitor. “Why are you here?” he growls close to my lips, his hard gaze remaining firmly on me. “I....I.” I can’t get the words out. My mind can’t form a coherent thought with him so close to me, his smell invading all my senses. He studies my reaction for a fraction of a second before another wicked smile lights up his face. There is no time for me to react, no time for me to speak. His lips crash down onto mine so suddenly that for a good five seconds I stand completely motionless, my brain unable to process the sudden change in events. His hands trail down my sides before I feel the material of my shirt being lifted. He breaks away from my mouth just long enough to pull the tunic over my head and toss it somewhere behind him. My hands go into his hair as his head dips, his lips trailing down my neck, across my chest. Pulling the material of my bra aside, he sucks a nipple into his mouth on one long pull, the sensation causing me to cry out. I can feel his smile against my damp flesh as he moves to the other nipple, repeating the process. By the time his mouth finds mine again, I am desperate and greedy. I grip the back of his head and kiss him so deeply, I swear there’s not an inch of him I can’t taste. “Fuck, I’ve missed you,” he growls against my mouth, his thumbs hitching inside the band of my pants before pulling them and my panties down in one quick tug. I hear the zipper of his jeans next, followed by the rustle of fabric just before I feel his hard length bare against my stomach. He slides off his shirt before grabbing me at the back of my thighs, lifting me into the air, pinning my back against the door behind me. “I want to feel you,” he groans, sliding his erection between my wet folds. “Then do it,” I speak against his mouth, grinding myself downward. “Fuck.” He slides deep inside of me without another moment of hesitation. Dropping his face into the crook of my neck, he stills, savoring the feeling of me bare around him. I run my fingers through the back of his hair, overtaken by this moment of intimacy. “Look at me.” I pull Gavin’s face up to meet mine. “I love you,” I say, pressing my lips to his. I don’t know why I felt the need to say it. Things are so up in the air with us right now but honestly, that doesn’t make my statement any less true. I need him to know that I’m his, that I will always be his. My statement seems to be his undoing as he deepens the kiss and starts to move beneath me. It’s slow at first. He pulls in and out at a snail’s pace, making sure I feel every single inch of him. But as the pleasure mounts so does his movements. Within minutes we are tearing at each other’s skin: biting, sucking, licking as he forcefully pounds into me. My body collides with the steel door behind me over and over but I continue to beg him for more; harder, faster, deeper. I want to feel him, all of him. I’m the first to explode, my orgasm hitting me so suddenly and intensely that I can’t control the sound of pleasure that rips from my mouth. It hits me in waves, pulling me under with each one before I’m able to resurface for air. I can tell by the way Gavin tightens his grip on me that he’s there, too. He thrusts inside of me so hard all I can hear is our two bodies slapping together and little spurts of air as we both struggle for breath. On one deep growl, he spills his release inside of me. The feeling so intense, I feel like my body might come apart again at any second. His movements slow until finally he stops completely, his head

dropping to my shoulder as he tries to even his breathing. We remain like that for several long seconds before he finally pulls out of me and sets me on my feet. My legs wobble slightly under my weight as I work to reassemble my clothing. After locating my shirt thrown across a stack of paper towels, I slide it on and then turn back to face Gavin. He’s fully dressed again, his black shirt clinging to his muscular torso with his faded jeans hanging loosely on his hips. His hair is sticking out in different directions, my fingers running through it over and over again giving it a messy, just woke up kind of look. My god, this man looks like he just stepped out of a modeling magazine. Every single bit of him is pure and complete perfection. He stalks toward me, each step so slow I wonder if he will ever close the short distance between us. Stopping directly in front of me, he grabs my chin and tilts my face upward, leaning down to hover just inches from my face. “I love you, too.” His whispered words are a complete contrast to the intensity in his eyes, and I all but melt right here on the spot.

Chapter Twenty-one Harlee It’s still dark when I leave Gavin’s condo the next morning. It took everything I had to climb out of his bed and leave him there sleeping but there’s no way I could miss class this morning. I’ve already fallen behind because I’ve been so distracted. Missing my exam today would only make my situation that much worse. The traffic is light as I make the two-hour drive back to Eugene. My mind wanders as I watch headlights filter through the darkness. So much has changed over the course of a few short weeks. So many things are different, me being the most prominent difference of all. Gavin has altered me in a way I never thought possible. I didn’t know one person could affect your life on such an epic scale. I thought I knew what I was getting with him. I thought I had him all figured out, but he has turned out to be something I never expected. I can still hear his voice as he whispered how much he loved me into the early hours of the morning. I can still see his eyes, the way they looked at me like I was the most precious thing in the world. I can still feel his hands, the way they brushed against my skin so gently and yet with so much power. I am completely and utterly lost to this man. Now there’s only one thing left to do. Gavin didn’t mention Bryan through the course of the night, not even once. While the last thing I wanted was to dredge it up, a part of me still feels in limbo because nothing has really been settled. I felt even worse when I woke up this morning to three missed calls from Bryan, having turned my phone on vibrate before entering the bar last night. Regardless, I know what I have to do and I have every intention of going back to Portland tonight, this time to tell Gavin I have finally ended it. Because that is exactly what I plan to do today. I know it won’t be easy and I know Bryan will be upset, but at the end of the day, I know that dragging this out is only going to make matters worse for everyone involved. I’m not going to tell him about Gavin. Maybe that makes me an even more despicable human being, but I just don’t see why I need to add insult to injury. Is it not bad enough to be broken up with? To add being cheated on to the mix just seems like a blow I don’t need to land. It doesn’t change anything. Bryan is an amazing guy and someone I do honestly care about. I want to make this as painless as possible for him. I honestly don’t know why I’ve waited so long. I think in a way hanging on to Bryan gave me an excuse not to commit to Gavin. Because being with Gavin isn’t just amazing and wonderful, it’s also scary as hell. My phone buzzes to life on my passenger seat just as I pull into my dorm room parking lot. It’s just after seven in the morning so I’m more than a little surprised when I see Angel’s name flash across the screen. “You’re up early,” I say, holding the device to my ear. “Ugh. Don’t remind me,” she groans. “Wow, don’t you sound chipper,” I joke. “Long night?” “You have no idea. Trenton took me to a party at his friend’s house last night.”

“Oh yeah. How’d that go?” I ask, killing the engine of the car before leaning back against the seat. “I haven’t been to bed yet. I just got home,” she replies on a ridiculous giggle. “Oh my god, are you still drunk?” I laugh, shaking my head even though she can’t see me. “Maybe a little,” she admits. “So there’s no way I’m gonna make it to classes. I was wondering if you could send me your notes from Ethics class today,” she says, referring to the one and only class we have together this semester. It’s my second class of the morning and starts at eleven. “Yeah, I can do that,” I agree. “Now get some sleep. I’ll call you later.” “You’re the best.” She yawns into the phone. “Love you. Love you.” “Love you, too,” I say, ending the call. **** The morning drags on so slowly that by the time the afternoon rolls around it feels like it should be evening. I think part of it has to do with the dread I feel over talking to Bryan. The other is my excitement to see Gavin after it’s all said and done. Needless to say, the last thing I expect to see when I finally exit my last class of the day just after three o’clock is Gavin. At first, I think I’m imagining things when I see him stand from a bench just outside the building. But then when he walks toward me and flashes me that incredible smile, I know he must be real. “What are you doing here?” I ask the moment we reach each other. “You left me this morning.” He snags my book bag off my arm and throws it on his shoulder. The action makes me feel like I’m in high school again and my hot popular boyfriend is carrying my books through the hall. Not that anything like that ever happened to me, but I’ve seen it in movies a hundred times. “Sorry. I’ve missed so much class here recently, and I had a pretty big test this morning.” I smile, walking with him when he takes off in the direction of the dorms. My building is less than a ten-minute walk from this current location and clearly, Gavin knows the way. Having grown up not far from here, I’d say he’s been here more than a couple times. “Did you sleep at all?” He keeps the conversation casual as we stroll across the grounds. “I got a couple of hours.” I shrug. “So you drove all this way because you woke up and I was gone?” I question, finding that reason hard to believe. “Pretty much.” His mouth pulls up into a one-sided grin. He flashes his eyes down to my face for a brief moment before turning his attention forward again. “I didn’t have any plans for the day,” he adds. After a couple minutes of casual back and forth chit chat, I finally decide that I might as well get the hard part over with. Him showing up kinda throws a wrench in my plans to talk to Bryan, but I’m still determined to take care of this today and I want him to know this information. “Listen, we should probably talk about Bryan.” I let out a slow exhale and keep my eyes facing ahead of me. “O-k-a-y,” he drags out, waiting for me to continue. “I owe you an apology.” I stop next to a large tree that sits in the open green space in front of my dorm building, finally meeting his gaze. “What for?” he asks when I take a long pause. “I never should have entered into anything with you while I had a boyfriend. It wasn’t fair to Bryan and it certainly wasn’t fair to you. I just want you to know that I plan to speak with him today.” “I’m sorry ,too.” His statement surprises me. “I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you. It wasn’t right. I’ve just never been in a situation like this before. I’ve never cared enough about a girl to care who or

what she’s doing when she’s not with me. All I knew is I wanted you, I didn’t care who I hurt along the way, including you. I don’t know the rules here.” “Me either,” I answer truthfully. “All I know is the thought of someone else touching you makes me raving fucking mad.” He lets out a gruff laugh. “I can’t take it. I can’t deal with the way that makes me feel. I won’t share you, now or ever.” “And you won’t have to,” I reassure him, reaching up to cup his face. “I love you, Gavin Porter. So much,” I say, pulling his face down toward me. His lips brush against mine for only a fraction of a second before I hear a throat clear behind me. My entire body freezes and my stomach clenches tightly with dread. I know it’s Bryan before I even turn around and look at him. “So now I know why you’ve been so distant here recently.” His voice is laced with anger. His normal laid back demeanor is nowhere in sight. I’ve never seen angry Bryan. I didn’t know he was capable of looking at me the way he’s looking at me right now. “Bryan, I can explain,” I start, taking a step toward him. “Explain what, Harlee? How you’ve been fucking him behind my back?” He bites, gesturing to Gavin who is standing completely still behind me. “How long?” he continues, his nostrils flaring as he stares daggers at me. “How long have you been fucking him, Harlee?” “Bryan... I,” I start, but he doesn’t let me get anything out. “Don’t fucking say it. I can’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth. You know I thought I was the luckiest fucking guy in the world when we started dating. I even told my parents how I thought I had finally found the one. What a fucking joke.” He lets out a high-pitched laugh that sounds almost devilish. “And you know the real kicker?” he spits. “Who knows how much longer you would have strung me along; you clearly had no intention of telling me the truth. How long ago was it that we went to dinner? That I told you I loved you? That you let me sit in that restaurant and pour my heart out to you, all the while you were fucking him on the side? Fuck, that was just days ago! Who the fuck does that to another person?” “I’m so sorry.” I try to apologize, fighting back the tears that are welling in my eyes. I’m sad that I hurt Bryan. I’m upset about the things he’s saying, no matter how true they are. But most of all I’m embarrassed that Gavin is here to witness every last second of it. “Don’t. Don’t you dare fucking apologize to me. I won’t let you rid yourself of this guilt. I want it to fester. I want you to have face who you are and what you’re capable of doing to someone who loved you. I can only imagine what you’re in for.” He says this last part to Gavin. “Good luck with that.” He nods at him and then spins on his heel, disappearing almost as quickly as he had appeared. My mind swirls as I stare across the grounds, watching him grow further and further away until I can no longer see him at all. His words play over and over in my head, the way he looked at Gavin in almost appreciation making me feel sick to my stomach. It’s like he already knew about Gavin well before he saw us kissing just moments ago. Something about what he said just doesn’t add up. Turning to face Gavin, I wipe at the tears flowing down my face. “You?” I force out in disbelief. “You told him?” His expression remains completely unreadable. He doesn’t deny or admit my accusation, he just simply stands there staring at me. “Say something,” I scream, my voice carrying across the open space, drawing the attention of a couple students exiting the dorm building. I ignore their curious stares, my eyes locked firmly on Gavin.

“I did what I thought needed to be done at the time.” His voice is flat when he finally speaks, but there is regret in his eyes. “You did what needed to be done?” I question in disbelief. “Did you see him? Did you see what you did to him?” I gesture back to where Bryan was just standing. “I didn’t do that to him. You did.” Again his tone is flat, his expression completely hard. “You had a choice that you chose not to make weeks ago.” “You had no right,” I start, my tears now turning from guilt to anger. “I had every right,” he snaps, for the first time showing any real emotion at all. “You think he’s the only one you’ve been stringing along? You think he’s the only one in this situation that’s hurt? After last night, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t fucking let this shit go on for even one more day. I got his number from your phone while you were sleeping and I texted him this morning. I didn’t tell him any details, only that if he wanted to see for himself where to be and when.” “So you coming here... You orchestrated this entire fucking thing?” I can’t believe the words even as I say them. “You kept making excuses, pushing it off. What was I supposed to do?” “I don’t know; maybe let me handle it in my own way.” I shake my head. “I’m sorry.” He reaches for me, but I shove his hand away. “Don’t do you dare fucking touch me,” I grind out. “I told you I was doing it today. You had no right to take this into your own hands. This wasn’t your call.” “Like hell it wasn’t,” he roars, his temper flaring for the first time. “Are you really that fucking blind that you can’t see what you being with him is doing to me?” “You did this to yourself. I was his before I was yours,” I counter. “You’re mine. You’ve always been mine. You will always be mine. End of,” he says, snagging my wrist in his hand. “You can be pissed and scream at me all you want, but at the end of the day I did you a favor whether you admit it now or not.” He pulls me flush against his body. “You chose me. He needed to know that.” He grips both of my shoulders in his hands, forcing me to meet his gaze. “I fucking love you. I’ve never said that to anyone before. I’m so in love with you. I’m done with the barriers and obstacles. I just want you.” His face is so close to mine I can feel the warmth of his breath as he speaks. “Loving someone isn’t forcing your way into their life and making their decisions for them. I’m sorry, Gavin, but I don’t believe you love me because I don’t think you know what love actually is.” I push away from his hold, stumbling backward a couple of feet. “Because you’re such a fucking expert?” e bites. “Isn’t loving someone trusting in them? You didn’t trust me enough to tell me about your parents. You didn’t trust me enough to tell Bryan the truth. And you don’t trust me enough now. You don’t trust that I love you because it’s easier for you to push people away then to fucking let them see the real you.” “You’re right, Gavin, I don’t trust you. And clearly for good reason. I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.” Tears flood my vision as I push past him and take off toward my dorm. My heart rips further and further apart with each step I take. By the time I reach my room, I feel like it’s shredded into a million different pieces and the pain is beyond anything I have ever felt before. I collapse onto my knees and succumb to the grief. I let it take me under and swallow me whole.

Chapter Twenty-two Harlee “Why don’t you come out with me and Decklan?” Kimber says, sitting on the side of my bed. “It will do you good to get out of this room.” “I don’t want to go anywhere,” I insist, refusing to look up from my laptop to meet her gaze. “Harlee, it’s been over a week. You can’t just hide out in here for the rest of your life. What happened, happened. You have to pick yourself up and keep going,” she says, resting her hand gently on my knee. “I can’t,” I admit, sadness once again washing over me like a sudden wave smacking me in the face. The first two days were filled with anger. The next two with guilt. Then came the regret. That was the worst. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Going to Gavin now seems like a lost cause. I don’t feel like there’s any coming back from the things I said or the way I treated him. I still don’t agree with the way he handled things. But eventually, I came to understand. It was Angel and almost an entire bottle of tequila that made me see the light. And once it happened, it was like seeing myself through Gavin’s eyes for the very first time. To be honest, I didn’t like what I saw. “I don’t want to leave you like this.” Her voice is riddled with concern. “I’ll be fine. I promise. I just need some more time. I’m not ready to face a world without him yet,” I admit, the statement causing the emotion to clog in my throat. “He’s still here ya know? You could call him.” “No, I can’t. You didn’t see his face. You didn’t hear the awful things I said to him. There’s no coming back.” “You don’t know that unless you try,” she insists. “I’m not you, Kimber,” I say, pushing the computer from my lap before pulling my knees to my chest. “I can’t have endless amounts of faith and believe that everything will be okay because that’s not always the case. I’m so happy things worked out for you and Decklan, but that doesn’t mean that everyone gets a happy ending. Life doesn’t work that way.” “I know that.” She doesn’t seem even the least bit offended by my rant. “I know things don’t always turn out the way we want. But I also know that if you’re not willing to fight for what you want, you’ll live your life ruled by regret. Do you really want that?” “What I want is Gavin.” “Then go to him. I don’t think you grasp just how much that man cares about you. Decklan said he’s never seen Gavin so torn up before. He drinks all day. He barely leaves his condo and that’s only to go to the bar to get drunk. Paxton has been so worried about him he refuses to leave his side. His heart is broken, Harlee. Just like yours. You’re both just too damn stubborn to get over yourselves and make the first move.” Her tone turns almost aggravated. “So you both made mistakes,” she continues. “Big deal. What couple doesn’t go through ups and downs. You need to get over yourself and at least call him, if not for you than for him.”

“Why? He’s made no attempt to contact me,” I snip. “Why should I reach out to him?” “Because someone has to make the first move,” she replies simply. “Well, it’s not going to be me. I’m the one that came back running the last time, and I won’t be the one to do it again. If he loves me as much as you say, then he will do something about it.” I feel like a spoiled child, but I just can’t help myself. “Do you even hear yourself?” Kimber immediately calls me out on my behavior. “You two were made for each other.” She pushes into a stand, crossing toward the closet. Within moments she reappears with a pair of dark, low rise jeans and a three-quarter sleeve black top, tossing them into my lap. “Get dressed,” she orders. “Now,” she tacks on, narrowing her eyes on my face, daring me to challenge her. “I hate you,” I huff, sliding from my bed. I know there’s no way she’s going to leave if I don’t agree to go with her and as much as I love her, I really don’t feel like listening to her lecture me the entire night. “You love me,” she retorts, pulling a small smile from me. “Fine, I love you.” I spin toward the bathroom. “But right now I hate you a little, too,” I call over my shoulder before disappearing inside. **** “What the hell are we doing here?” I try to swallow down my panic, gripping the seatbelt running across my chest as Kimber pulls into the lot behind Deviants. I knew as soon as she got onto the freeway that we were heading to Portland, but I just assumed we were meeting Decklan somewhere. I never dreamed in a million years she would bring me here. “Relax.” She puts her new car in park and kills the engine, turning her gaze to me. “He’s not here.” “I don’t care. Why would you bring me here?” I try to keep my anger in check, but I feel it seeping out of every word I speak. “Because I thought maybe you would like to have a drink and unwind with friends. Considering this is the only place where you can actually drink...” She lets her statement hang there. “You’re unbelievable,” I say in disbelief. “This was a setup all along.” I shake my head, unable to believe that Kimber would force me into a situation I don’t want to be in. What is it with the people in my life forcing me to do things I don’t want to do? Maybe I should take this as a sign. Maybe I really am that blind. So much so that the people around me feel it’s their duty to intervene. I shake away the idea, not willing to accept it. “It’s not a setup,” she insists. “Gavin is at his condo. Charlie is there visiting him. She’s promised to keep him put for the evening.” “Why would she do that?” “Because Decklan asked her to. For me,” she answers simply, pushing open the driver’s side door. “Now are you just going to sit there or are you going to come have a drink with me? You know I’m gonna need a dance partner.” She leans down, giving me a pretty please smile through the open car door. “Who’s the D.J.?” I ask, arms crossed firmly over my chest. “Jam.” She smirks, knowing she’s got me. Jam is the best D.J. at Deviants and always plays the best music to dance to when you’re drunk and just need to shake some shit off. “Fine,” I grunt, shoving open the door. “But so help me, Kimber, if Gavin shows up here tonight I’ll never forgive you,” I warn, slamming the door shut behind me the moment I’m out of the way.

“If he shows up here, I’ll throw him out myself.” She gives me a wide grin, her eyes turning mischievous. Honestly, I actually believe she would do it. The thought brings a smile to my face and even though I’m walking toward a place I never thought I’d enter again, I feel lighter than I have in days. Kimber, like Angel, seems to know exactly what I need well before I even do. I really am so blessed to have them in my life. I honestly don’t know how I would have survived this past week without them. They and Joy are the only reasons I haven’t sunk into the dark hole I’ve been tempted to disappear inside of since the moment I walked away and left Gavin standing there in the courtyard what feels like weeks ago. The usual Friday night line outside of Deviants is longer than usual, wrapping around the entire front of the building before disappearing around the corner. The bouncer simply nods when we approach, allowing us to slip behind him without a second glance. The moment we step inside the music engulfs us, the heavy beat of a remix pop song thumping through the crowded space. Kimber grabs my hand and drags me through the sea of people toward the bar, stopping at the very edge of the counter. “What do you want to drink?” She leans forward so I can hear her over the music. “I don’t care.” I shrug. “Just make it hard.” “That’s what she said.” She snickers, pulling an eye roll from me. She knows how much I hate that statement. It was funny five years ago. Now it’s just overused and honestly a bit annoying. I think that’s exactly why she chose to say it in the first place. She turns her attention back to the bar just seconds before Decklan appears in front of her. She immediately leans over the bar and lays a deep kiss to his mouth, not the least bit concerned about the group of women just to our right who are clearly watching the entire exchange between them, staring daggers into the side of Kimber’s face. The whole interaction makes my stomach twinge and for a moment I understand how the women next to us feel. Not because I want to be kissing Decklan— which they so clearly do, but because it makes me miss how it felt when I kissed Gavin that way. Decklan throws me a half smile and nods just seconds after Kimber pulls back, grabbing my hand to pull me up to the bar. “She needs something strong,” Kimber yells over the roar of the music. “I got just the thing.” His smile widens. Kimber turns back to me as Decklan busies himself making our drinks. “Why is he bartending?” I question, knowing it’s not something he does often. Where Gavin loves working behind the bar, Decklan usually only does it if he absolutely has to, preferring to spend his time on the other side of the bar. “Matt called off and since I asked that he keep a certain someone away, he had to fill in.” She shakes her head when she sees the immediate guilt that creeps across my face. “Don’t.” She rests her hand on my forearm. “He was happy to do it.” “I bet he’d be much happier spending time with you,” I interject, feeling like a bit of a burden. “He’s just as happy doing things that make me happy. You being here makes me happy.” She winks, turning her attention back to the bar as Decklan reappears holding two very large, orange drinks garnished with fresh fruit. “Don’t let the looks deceive you.” He catches my confused stare. “They’ll knock you right on your ass,” he promises, turning his attention to Kimber. “Only one for you,” he adds, pulling a laugh from her. “Yes, sir.” She winks, sticking her tongue out at him. “He clearly knows that I am a total light weight.” She turns toward me just as she takes a drink from her straw, her eyes immediately going wide. “Holy shit.” She looks at the drink like she’s trying to somehow figure out what’s in it.

I mirror her actions, pulling a long draw from my straw. The fruity concoction hits my tongue, the overwhelming taste of orange and pineapple dancing across my taste buds. I have no idea why Kimber reacted the way she did. That is until I swallow and a sudden fire engulfs my throat. “What the hell?” I look up wide-eyed at Kimber. “I know, right,” she laughs, taking another drink. Sliding into the two empty stools in front of us, it’s not long before the alcohol has worked its way into my blood stream and everything starts to feel a little less heavy. Kimber rambles on about her and Decklan’s wedding for a good thirty minutes, telling me every detail about how they plan to elope this summer. It’s her subtle way of telling me she’s moving out at the end of the spring term but after two drinks I barely even process the news. Decklan’s right, these drinks are no joke. I make a mental note to ask him what’s in them the next time he comes over, though it’s likely I’ll forget by then. I’m not really sure how much time passes before I sense someone beside me. I turn to see Paxton settled into the stool next to me, his handsome face pulled into a tight scowl. “You look so happy right now,” I joke, my words bordering on a slur. Shit, I think I’m a little drunk. “Yeah, well.” He shrugs, nodding toward Val, who within seconds has a beer sitting on the bar in front of him. “Wanna talk about it?” I ask, not sure I really want to know. “Nope.” He raises the beer bottle to his lips and drains half the bottle in one drink. “That bad huh?” I kick my leg over Kimber’s stool when a college-aged man tries to sit down. “Taken.” I smile, immediately wondering what is taking Kimber so long in the bathroom. I feel like she’s been gone forever. “You have no idea.” He sighs, pulling my attention back to him. “Girl trouble?” I question. “Something like that.” “Well, you’ve come to the right place. I’m having major girl trouble.” It takes me a moment to realize what I just said, giggling the instant it dawns on me. “I mean boy trouble,” I correct. “I like boys, not girls. I mean, I like dick. Oh my god. I just said that out loud, didn’t I?” I ramble, watching as Paxton’s lips turn up in an amused smile. “You’re cute.” He drinks the remainder of his beer in one more long gulp, sliding the empty bottle across the bar. “I can see why Gavin is so taken with you,” he adds, nodding once again when Val slides another beer across the bar to him. “Yeah, not so much anymore.” I sigh, leaning forward to take a sip out of my own drink. “Maybe someone should tell him that.” He chuckles, lifting the beer bottle to his lips. “From where I’m sitting, he’s still very much taken with you.” “Yeah well, from where I’m sitting, I’m pretty sure he hates my guts. Love sucks,” I grind out, once again catching the slur in my voice. “Where the hell is Kimber?” I change course without warning. “I saw her and Decklan go upstairs on my way in,” He answers without looking in my direction. “Fucking whore,” I blurt, covering my mouth when once again the words meant for my mind flow out. Paxton makes a choking noise as he struggles to swallow his beer before bursting out in laughter. “You have no fucking filter. You realize this right?” “Me?” I question. “That’s completely untrue. Didn’t you hear, I’m the coward who hides behind her own excuses.” “Well, that’s okay because I’m the asshole who dicks over his friend and completely fucks everything up every chance he gets.” I can tell by his reaction that he regrets his statement the moment he makes it.

I suspect his current mood has something to do with Charlie, but I keep that assumption to myself. It’s clear it’s not something anyone knows about, if there’s anything going on at all. Maybe I’m just seeing things that aren’t there. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time. “We should start a club,” I offer, holding my drink up. “And what should we call said club?” He turns toward me, a small smirk on his face. “How about The Fuck Love Club?” I suggest. “Fuck love,” he agrees, clinking his beer bottle against my glass before we both drink. There’s a smile on my lips the moment I resurface from the bottom of my glass. While Paxton and I have said nothing at all, we’ve also said so much. For the first time since ending things with Gavin, I feel a little less alone in this world. That is until I register Paxton’s expression, his eyes focused on something across the room. I follow his line of sight, all the air rushing from my body when I see Gavin standing at the other end of the bar, his eyes locked firmly on my face. And he doesn’t look happy to see me...

Chapter Twenty-three Gavin I can’t take my eyes off of her. She seems fine. Happy even. How the fuck can she just sit there, laughing and drinking with one of my best friends, in my fucking bar, like everything is just fucking peachy? Anger flares in my chest, my gaze darting toward Paxton who catches sight of me instantly, the smile falling from his face. Yeah, you better quit smiling at my girl, you mother fucker. My girl? Too bad she’s not my fucking girl anymore. I watch in slow motion as Harlee looks toward Paxton and then follows his gaze, her eyes finding mine within seconds. I watch her face fall in shock followed by the deep flush that fills her cheeks, evident even in the dim bar lighting. She makes no attempt to move or even really react for that matter. She just sits there, staring at me like she’s seeing a ghost. I break eye contact when the door beside me opens, Decklan and Kimber suddenly appearing just feet from where I’m standing. I can see the panic that immediately floods Kimber’s pretty face and the apology written across Decklan’s when he meets my gaze. Now I know why Charlie tried so damn hard to keep my ass at home. She knew Harlee was here. Every single one of these fuckers knew she was here and what’s worse? They purposely kept her from me. The sting of their betrayal is real, but it barely registers on my already pain-riddled heart. I don’t think anything can hurt me the way Harlee did. And as such, everything else seems like a tiny blip in comparison. I look back at Harlee to find her eyes are still locked in my direction. “Gavin.” Decklan lays a hand on my shoulder, pulling my attention back to him. “Don’t.” I shake his hand off my shoulder. “When you pissed away what you had with Kimber, who was there to help you get her back? Who hand delivered her to you? I did. This is how you repay me? You bring Harlee here and then get my little sister to play babysitter to make sure I don’t find out?” “This is my fault,” Kimber immediately interrupts. “I asked him to do it,” she admits apologetically. “I just wanted to get her out of her room.” “And you couldn’t have done that somewhere else?” I bite, knowing the moment it leaves my mouth that I’m treading on very thin ice. The way Decklan steps in front of Kimber to shield her from me is all the indication I need. “Careful,” he warns. “Fuck you, Deck,” I spit, anger seething through me. “Good to see when I need a true friend I have none.” “That’s bullshit and you know it. We’re brothers man.” He clasps his hand on my shoulder again, this time tightening his grip enough that I can’t easily shake him off. “I wanted to respect what Kimber was

trying to do for her friend without rubbing her in your face. This isn’t some big conspiracy against you. I was trying to spare you.” He tightens his hand on my shoulder, forcing me to meet his gaze. “You should have told me.” I grind out. “I’m sorry.” His apology is genuine, that much I can tell. But it does nothing to slow the flames that have burst to life in my chest. I nod, letting him know we’re good before turning my gaze back to the end of the bar, my heart dropping into my stomach when I realize she’s no longer there. I look to Paxton who shrugs apologetically and gestures toward the door. I immediately set off in that direction, ignoring the sound of Kimber calling my name behind me. I may have been able to kid myself into believing that I could live without Harlee, but after seeing her just moments ago, I realize how very wrong I was. Not only can I not live without her, but I don’t fucking want to. I look left and then right, scanning the sidewalk the moment I step outside. Turning left when I don’t see her anywhere. I quickly round the building, stopping dead in my tracks when I spot Harlee leaning against the wall, her gaze turned downward. “I should never have pushed you away,” she says so quietly I don’t know if she’s talking to herself or if she’s completely aware that I’m standing just feet from her. “I messed things up so bad,” she chokes out, emotion clear in her voice. If I didn’t know any better I’d say she’s talking to the wind, having still made no attempt to look my way. “I’m so sorry.” When she finally looks up, her eyes are glassed over in tears, her expression pained. “I’m so, so sorry, Gavin.” Her words slur slightly, giving away her clear intoxication. “You’re drunk.” It’s a statement, not a question, my voice coming out a bit harsher than I really intend for it to. “Maybe a little,” she admits. “But if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have stopped here. I would have run away, left, too ashamed and embarrassed to face you after the way I treated you.” “You have nothing to be ashamed of.” I take a hesitant step forward. “It’s me that should be ashamed. I was completely out of line.” “You were right.” She cuts me off, her gaze halting my movements. “No, I wasn’t.” I shake my head. “You made me feel things I didn’t know I could feel. It scared the shit out of me,” she admits. “I didn’t know how to handle those feelings. So I hid. I hid behind Bryan. I hid behind my fear. Even when I knew you were what I wanted, I couldn’t make myself act on it. I couldn’t take that final step, afraid that once I did, everything would fall apart. I was convinced you were in it for the chase, for the game. That once you had me, I mean really had me, you would no longer want me.” “You couldn’t have been more wrong,” I cut in, taking another step toward her, closing the distance between us to just a couple feet. “I should have trusted you. I should have trusted us.” She wipes at a stray tear that escapes her eye. “How I feel about you, it scared me too, Harlee. It fucking terrified me. It still does,” I admit. I should have given you the time you needed to work through your hesitation instead of forcing you into something you weren’t ready for,” I add. “But I was ready. I wanted to be with you from the moment I first saw you. I knew you were it. I think that’s what scared me more than anything; how quickly I fell for you.” She lets out a slow breath. “I was ready. I still am. But now it’s too late.” “Who said it’s too late?” I can’t help the smile that pulls at the corner of my mouth. “You did,” she continues when she sees the confusion that crosses my face. “You left. You didn’t fight for me. You didn’t call me. You made no attempt to contact me at all. If that doesn’t tell me you’re done, I

don’t know what would.” She swipes at another tear. “I’m not done. Far from it.” I close the distance between us, taking her face in my hands. “I was trying to respect your wishes, something I should have done from the very beginning. I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving you alone. Every single fucking day without you has been worse than the last. It gutted me to leave you that day. It fucking killed me to stay away from you. I love you, Harlee. So fucking much it hurts,” I breathe, pressing my mouth firmly to hers. Her body relaxes against me as she melts into the kiss. Only seconds pass before her fingers find their normal spot, tangling in the back of my hair as she tightens her grip on me. It feels so good to have her body pressed against mine again. To feel her bottom lip quiver as I slide my tongue into her mouth. To hear her soft moans as I kiss her harder, deeper, wanting to make sure she never has the power to walk away from me ever again. “Say you’re mine,” I speak against her lips. “I need you to say it. I need you to mean it this time. I need you to be mine.” “I was always yours.” Her response is instant. A wide smile spreads across her beautiful face as her fingers tighten their grip on my hair, pulling my lips back down to hers.

Chapter Twenty-four Harlee Words simply cannot describe the way it feels to be back in Gavin’s arms. To see him drop all his walls and let me see his true vulnerability. I don’t think I realized just how much I hurt him by pushing him away. Something I promise myself right here and now to never do again. “I love you,” he breathes against my lips, resting his forehead against mine. “Don’t fucking break my heart again. I don’t think it could take it.” He pulls back, his eyes locked firmly on mine. “That goes for you, too.” I cup his cheek and lose myself in the depths of his blue eyes. “We should probably head back inside,” I add on. “I’m sure they are wondering where we disappeared to.” I refer to Kimber, Decklan, and Paxton who are still inside the bar. “I could care less.” He drops a light kiss to my lips. “You mean you couldn’t care less?” I let out a small laugh. “Saying you could care less means you could actually care less.” “Yeah, that’s what I said,” he laughs, the sound the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard. “So you do care or you don’t?” I can’t quite keep up with what he’s trying to say. “I don’t.” “So then you couldn’t care less.” “That’s what I said,” he teases. “Okay.” I shake my head, knowing at this point he’s purposely just trying to confuse me for his own amusement. Glad to see some things never change. “I’m more concerned about getting home and kicking Charlie’s devious ass to the curb so I can show my girlfriend just how fucking much I love her for the rest of the night.” He gives me a wicked smile, his eyes boring into mine. “Your girlfriend huh?” I joke. “She must be an incredible woman to have earned the title of your girlfriend.” “Oh, you have no idea. Not only is she the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on, she also sucks a mean cock.” He busts out laughing when my mouth drops open in shock. “I cannot believe you just said that.” I shake my head on a laugh. “Wait. Yes, I can.” I laugh harder. “So is that a yes?” he asks, falling serious. “Did you ask me a question?” I stare up at him in confusion. “Seriously?” He hits me with a fake look of annoyance. “Stop playing fucking games with me, Harlee,” he growls, nipping at my bottom lip. “I didn’t realize I was,” I answer truthfully. “Will you be my fucking girlfriend or not?” He pulls back so he can study my reaction, but it’s his that I can’t seem to get past. He seems...nervous. The thought seems odd to me and yet so completely endearing at the same time. It’s like we’re suddenly teenagers again and he’s asking me to prom, fearful that I might say no.

“That’s not even a question,” I interject playfully. “Yes, it fucking is. Stop playing with me, woman,” he warns, grinding himself into my core causing my entire body to zing to life. “Now answer the question.” His voice drops low as his lips hover just inches from mine. “It’s not a question because you already know the answer. I belong to you, Gavin Porter. Call me whatever you want. I’m yours.” “A simple yes or no please.” He gently sucks my bottom lip into his mouth, pulling a light moan from my throat. I don’t know why he needs to hear me say it. I don’t know why labeling me as his girlfriend is so important to him. But I do know that there’s nothing more I want to be. I meant it when I said he owned me. He has always owned me. I’m just done fighting against it now. “Yes,” I purr against his mouth, feeling his smile spread against my lips. “Yes,” he responds, more a victory statement than him repeating my words. A soft laugh escapes my mouth as he presses into me and kisses me once more, this time with so much intensity I swear I can feel the effects of him everywhere. From the tips of my fingers to the very ends of each toe, there is not one part of my body that doesn’t feel his presence. “Now.” He pulls back just far enough to meet my gaze. “How about we get out of here so we can really make up?” He raises his eyebrows up and down suggestively. “Again, not even a question.” I smile, screaming in surprise when he bends down and throws me over his shoulder with next to no effort. “Gavin!” I protest, squirming in his grasp. “I love it when you scream my name.” I can feel his body vibrate beneath me as laughter rolls through him. “Well you know, there are much more effective ways to achieve that,” I interject. “Oh, believe me, I know. The night is still young.” There is so much promise in his voice, my stomach clenches tightly in anticipation. He crosses the parking lot like I weigh nothing. Tossing me into the truck like a twenty-pound sack of potatoes rather than an actual person. He gives me an earth-bending smile the moment he slides in next to me, pulling me to the center of the seat so I’m sitting directly next to him. “God. My boyfriend is so needy,” I whine playfully. “You’re damn right I am. You better fucking get used to it, too. Cause I’m not letting you get rid of me anytime soon.” His smile only spreads as he stares back at me, his eyes locked firmly on mine. **** As I lay next to a sleeping Gavin, watching his chest rise and fall with each deep breath he takes, I can’t help but think about all the moments that led us here, to this time and place. The lows and highs, the tears and laughter. It seems like so long ago I was just a girl and he was just another guy. I don’t know when this happened. When we went from hooking up, to falling in love, to falling apart, to finding ourselves forever lost in each other. I don’t know when the scared, hesitant girl vanished and this new confident, determined woman took her place. Was it days ago when I thought I had lost Gavin forever or was it merely hours ago as I sat at the bar wishing he was the one sitting next to me? I don’t know when I found myself exactly or if I can even take credit for it all. Gavin did all the work. All I had to do was close my eyes and hang on for dear life, praying like hell that when I opened them again I would find myself exactly where I am. In the arms of a man who not only pushed me to my very limits but who also showed me what it meant to love.

The real kind of love. The crazy, stupid, obsessive kind of love. The kind of love that swallows you up and refuses to never let you go. Gavin Porter didn’t just consume me, he owned me from that very first night. I told him I was his. I’ve never spoken a truer statement. I have always been his... And now, he is mine...

The End

CRAZY STUPID PERFECTION

Chapter One Paxton I’m so fucked up. I know I shouldn’t be here. I tried to stop myself from following her down the hall. I tried to resist when she pulled me into her room and locked the door behind us. I keep telling myself to stop. To stop kissing her. To stop touching her incredible skin. To just stop. But I can’t. I’m so lost in the way her soft moans sound against my ear. In the way her fingers dig so deep into my fucking back it’s like she’s afraid she might fall if she loses her grip on me. In the way we seem to fit together like we were made to complete one another. Everything about this girl is fucking perfect. Everything except one very important thing... She’s my best friend’s little sister. Charlie Porter. I’ve known her for over half of my life. Hell, I fucking watched her grow up. I watched the skinny, awkward girl with a stutter turn into a stunning beautiful woman that fucking haunts me day and night. And now she’s here. She’s in my arms. She’s panting my name. She’s withering beneath me. And it’s even more incredible than I ever imagined. I know that this is something I will live to regret, but also one of those moments that I can’t force myself to walk away from. I may not be able to have her, but tonight, for just this small snippet of time, Charlie Porter is mine.

Chapter Two Three Years Later... Paxton “I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re all I see. You’re all I want. I’m going out of my fucking mind.” I stare back at my reflection, hoping that just saying the words out loud will somehow calm the need I have to say them directly to Charlie. Words I have wanted to say to her since she returned home from New York just a few short weeks ago. Why did she have to fucking come home? I had made my peace with what happened between us. Well, as much peace as a person can make with something they are forced to live with, or without as it were. I watched her pack up and leave for New York knowing there was nothing I could do to stop her, and I never breathed a word to anyone of our night together. But now she’s back, and I just can’t seem to shake her. No matter how hard I try she’s always there, in the front of my mind, forcing me to face what I thought I had left in the past. “Fuck.” I run my hands through my hair, letting out a slow breath. I have to get a grip. I made my choice three years ago. Charlie being home does not change that. It was one night. One brilliant night that has played on repeat in my mind countless times since. Regardless, it doesn’t change the fact that this is Charlie Porter. Gavin’s little sister. My best friend’s little sister. I should have never crossed that line in the first place. I still feel guilty as fuck for it. Acting on anything now would just add to that and honestly, I don’t like keeping things from Gavin and Decklan. They’re my brothers. My family. I can’t do this. “I can’t do this,” I repeat out loud, meeting my gaze in the bathroom mirror. I’ve been drinking with Gavin most of the evening. I’m not drunk, but I’m not exactly sober either. I just know I shouldn’t be anywhere near Charlie in my condition. I’m too exposed. When Gavin said he wanted to get fucked up, I agreed whole heartedly, never expecting Charlie to show up hours in. Letting out another slow exhale, I shut off the running sink water and quickly exit the bathroom. I can hear Gavin rustling around in his bedroom as I step into the hallway, but instead of heading back to the room I’m temporarily staying in; I turn and head down the hall toward the living room. The moment I turn the corner and spot Charlie standing in front of the large window that overlooks downtown Portland, her arms crossed in front of herself, my mind just goes blank. My pep talk to myself just minutes ago disappearing somewhere behind the fog that seems to surround my brain every time I lay eyes on this girl. She turns her head, hearing me approach. Her dark eyes meet mine for a fraction of a second before turning back to the window. “What’s Gavin doing?” I ask, trying to keep the conversation casual. The same tactic I’ve been using for weeks. “Who knows?” She shrugs, not looking in my direction as I step up next to her, my gaze also focused on the city below us.

“Shouldn’t you know?” I question. “Aren’t you the one they sent to keep an eye on him?” I ask, knowing Deck is the reason she’s here. Asshole could’ve at least given me a heads up. Then again why would he? He doesn’t have a clue about anything involving me and Charlie. Hell, he probably thought he was doing me a favor by sending over reinforcements. “I was sent to keep him here,” she corrects. “Not monitor his every move.” She shifts, letting out a long exhale. “He’s pretty tore up over that girl,” she adds softly. “He is,” I agree. “But that’s what love will do to a man.” My statement pulls her gaze toward me. “Like you would know. You’ve never been with a girl long enough to love her,” she quips. Her attempt to be playful falls flat, and I can tell immediately that she knows it. I know her too well. She knows I do. Which is why she’s spent weeks trying to act like everything between us is completely normal when we both know it’s not. I’ve tried to talk to her about what happened between us. Hell, I’ve opened my mouth countless times but then can’t seem to find the words. So I’ve left it alone. I’ve played along with her little game to pretend like everything is fine. I’m just not sure how much longer I can do it. “I know what it feels like to be in love with someone.” I keep my voice steady, my eyes focused on the city lights below rather than looking at the girl whose eyes are burning holes in the side of my face. “I didn’t realize.” I can hear the hurt in her voice despite the fact that she tries to hide it. Turning my face, the moment my eyes reach hers I suck in a ragged breath. She’s so fucking beautiful it hurts. She pushes her dark brown hair over her shoulder, causing it to fall in thick waves to the middle of her back, as she narrows her gaze at me. We’re close enough that I can see the yellow that freckles her dark eyes. It takes everything in me not to reach out and trail my hand down her perfect ivory skin. Fuck. The power this girl has over me is terrifying. It hurts that she believes my love would be for someone other than her. It hurts to look at her knowing I can’t have her. It hurts to stand this close to her knowing I can’t touch her. My skin starts to prickle the longer I stare at her. Every single fiber of my being wants to fucking pull her into my arms and claim her as my own. “Why are you playing with me?” The words leave my mouth without a thought. Her eyes widen and she lets out a nervous laugh, clearly caught off guard by my question. “Me?” She phrases it like it’s the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard. “You,” I confirm, not meaning for the word to sound so harsh. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She stumbles over her words, the same way she’s always done when she gets flustered. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” I keep my voice low as not to be overheard by Gavin. “Actually I don’t.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “If anyone is playing games it’s you. That is your specialty after all.” The air becomes so thick around us that for a brief moment I almost find it difficult to breathe. “Is that what you think I did? That I played you?” The heat that rises in my throat makes me feel like I could breathe fucking fire. “I’m not doing this, Paxton.” Her eyes dart toward the hallway, and I follow her gaze. There’s no one there. “So we’re just gonna continue to pretend like nothing ever happened?” I let out a frustrated sigh, throwing my hands up in the air. “What do you want from me, Paxton?” Her voice is riddled with a combination of anger and sadness that damn near drops me to my knees. I don’t realize I’ve reached for her until she’s already pressed tightly against my chest. At which point I know it’s too late. I can’t stop myself from leaning forward. I can’t stop myself from pressing my lips

firmly against hers. She hesitates for only a moment before her hands are tangling in my hair and she’s pulling me deeper into the kiss. The feel of her against me, the taste of her on my tongue, the feeling of her slender body as it trembles slightly against mine; it’s enough to drive me fucking crazy. Suddenly all I want is to be on her, inside her, and I don’t give two fucks what anyone has to say about it. But just as the thought takes hold, Charlie abruptly pulls away, taking two full steps backward. She opens her mouth to say something, her cheeks flushed, her breathing erratic, but then she closes it without a word when Gavin steps around the corner, his face focused on the screen of his cell phone. Suddenly the need to escape becomes overwhelming, and before I can even process my actions, I’m slipping on my jacket and heading toward the front door. I don’t know where I’m going or why. All I know is if I don’t get out of here right fucking now, I’m likely to do something I’ll greatly regret. “Where the fuck are you going?” Gavin’s voice halts my movements just as I pull open the front door. “I gotta few things to take care of. I’ll be back later.” I don’t give him a chance to respond before I’m in the hallway, pulling the door closed behind me. “What the fuck was that?” I mutter out loud, trying to process what just happened. Knowing I just need to clear my fucking head, I quickly exit the condo building and take off down the sidewalk. Even though the sun has set, the sky is still ablaze with the lights of the city. I walk for a good thirty minutes, my mind jumping between Charlie and Gavin. What if I just told him? What would his reaction be to finding out that I’m fucking in love with his little sister and have been for years? Truth is I already know his reaction, which is exactly why he can never find out. He’d never forgive me. Family is everything to him. Right now I’m a part of that family. But I won’t be if I can’t lock this shit down. I look up just in time to see the glowing sign of Deviants to my right. Veering in that direction, I jog across the street and push my way inside, just hoping for some sort of distraction. I catch sight of Decklan and Kimber just as they disappear behind the door that leads up to his apartment. So much for Decklan’s help in the distraction department. Shaking my head, I slide into a stool at the end of the bar and nod to the bartender Val, who notices me almost instantly. Leaning forward, I peer toward the blonde on my right, immediately doing a double take when I realize it’s Harlee. Harlee, as in the girl Gavin is at home sulking over right now. This explains why Decklan sent Charlie to the condo. I thought she was there to make sure his drunk ass didn’t do something stupid. Clearly, he just didn’t want Gavin stumbling in and realizing that Harlee’s here. I know without a doubt that this is Kimber’s doing. No way Deck would purposely keep things from Gavin without some kind of inside influence. Fuck, he’s as pussy whipped as they come. “You look so happy right now,” Harlee slurs, clearly just noticing me. “Yeah, well.” I shrug, nodding toward Val as she sits a beer in front of me. “Wanna talk about it?” she pushes. “Nope.” I raise the beer to my lips and drain half the bottle in one drink. I’m not trying to be an asshole or anything. I just have no desire to discuss Charlie with anyone, let alone the girl Gavin is currently balls deep over. “That bad huh?” she asks, kicking her leg over the stool next to her when some young dude tries to sit down. “Taken,” she chimes with a smile. “You have no idea.” I sigh, answering her question after the guy walks away. “Girl trouble?” she asks. “Something like that.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place. I’m having major girl trouble.” She hesitates for a moment and then laughs at herself. “I mean boy trouble. I like boys, not girls. I mean, I like dick. Oh my God. I just said that out loud, didn’t I?” she rambles, causing me to laugh despite my sour mood. “You’re cute,” I observe, for the first time really taking a moment to observe Harlee. I finish off the remainder of my beer in one long gulp, sliding the empty bottle across the bar. “I can see why Gavin is so taken with you,” I add, nodding once again at Val when she slides another beer across the bar to me. “Yeah, not so much anymore.” She sighs, taking a long drink from the glass in front of her. “Maybe someone should tell him that.” I chuckle, for some reason finding humor in this whole situation. Gavin is at home torn up over a girl who is sitting at his bar clearly trying to drink him away. All the while I’m all fucked up over his sister who I kissed and then just walked away from. “From where I’m sitting he’s still very much taken with you,” I add on. “Yeah well, from where I’m sitting, I’m pretty sure he hates my guts. Love sucks. Where the hell is Kimber?” She changes the subject so abruptly it takes me a moment to catch up. “I saw her and Decklan go upstairs on my way in.” “Fucking whore,” she blurts, covering her mouth instantly like she can’t believe she just said that out loud. My beer catches in my throat, and I have to force it down before bursting out in laughter. “You have no fucking filter. You realize this right?” I wipe at some of the liquid that managed to escape the side of my mouth. “Me? That’s completely untrue. Didn’t you hear, I’m the coward who hides behind her own excuses?” “Well, that’s okay because I’m the asshole who dicks over his friend and completely fucks everything up every chance he gets.” I shake my head, wishing the statement hadn’t just left my mouth. “We should start a club.” She doesn’t acknowledge my comment, holding her drink up. “And what should we call said club?” I turn toward her, a small smirk on my face. “How about The Fuck Love Club?” Her smile widens. “Fuck love,” I agree, clinking my beer bottle against her glass before we both drink. I no more than swallow the cold liquid when I look up and am hit with the vicious glare of Gavin, who is standing directly in front of us at the other end of the bar. Fucking awesome. Not only am I hiding shit from him about Charlie, but now he probably thinks I’m trying to move in on his girl. I watch as seconds later Decklan and Kimber appear next to him out of nowhere, Decklan clearly trying to keep him calm. I don’t even realize Harlee has moved until I hear the legs of her stool scrape the floor next to me. I turn just in time to see her slip out the front door. I look back toward Gavin just as he realizes Harlee is gone, shrugging as I gesture toward the door. He takes off after her, disappearing outside moments later. “What the fuck, dude?” Decklan’s voice pulls my attention to where he and Kimber have approached. “I thought you guys were going to keep him home?” “I thought that was Charlie’s gig?” I shrug. “Besides, I had no clue you were trying to keep him away because of that.” I point behind me toward the door where Harlee just exited. “Fuck.” Decklan sighs, running his hands through his hair. “It’s fine,” Kimber reassures him. “Maybe this is what they need.” She gives me a nod and a sweet smile, her way of telling me it’s not my fault. Fuck, it might as well be. I’m in the business of fucking things up tonight apparently. “I need a drink.” Decklan slides into the stool next to me and waves at Val. “You leaving me hanging?” She slides a coaster in front of him and waits for his order.

Decklan and Gavin co-own Deviants. Clearly, Decklan was bartending at some point tonight based on Val’s comment. “You’ve slowed down enough,” he states the obvious, looking around the half empty bar. “Yeah, yeah.” She rolls her eyes. “What can I get ya?” “Whiskey?” Decklan turns to me, cocking his eyebrow. “Whiskey,” I agree with a nod. Kimber clears her throat behind Decklan, giving him a sweet smile when he turns toward her. “Only one,” he promises as he pulls her into his lap. “One?” She arches her brow pulling a smile from Deck just moments before he leans forward and lays a kiss to the tip of her nose. The whole interaction makes me uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong; I couldn’t be happier for Deck, but these two are a bit nauseating to watch if I'm honest. I turn my attention back to Val just as she reappears in front of us, two shots in her hand. Sliding one to me and the other to Deck, we clink glasses and drink, the liquid burning a hot trail all the way down my throat. Sliding the empty glass across the bar, I gesture to Val for another. Shaking her head, she grabs the bottle of whiskey and has my shot refilled before I even have a chance to speak. Decklan may have promised Kimber only one, but I made no such promises. Right now I just want to forget this fucking day ever happened, and I will drink the entire bottle of fucking whiskey to do it if that’s what it takes.

Chapter Three Charlie “What the hell is wrong with me?” I scold myself, pacing back and forth across the worn carpet that lines my childhood bedroom. First I kissed Paxton, or rather kissed him back, then I was so distracted by said kiss that I let Gavin leave without even noticing he was gone. I suck on all sorts of levels tonight. At least Kimber called me to let me know that he’s with Harlee and all appears to be well. Hopefully, the two of them will work their shit out and stop putting everyone else in the middle of their drama. Running my hands through my long brown hair, I tug at the ends, letting out a frustrated groan when I go back to the reason I was distracted in the first place. I’ve spent three years pretending like Paxton Stewart doesn’t exist, and now that I’m home, now that I find myself thrown back into the world I left all those years ago, I just can’t seem to find my footing. One look into those stunning green eyes and my mind turns to mush. “Remember,” I grind out through gritted teeth. I will myself to return to that night. To the night when I practically begged Paxton to be my first. To the night when I finally experienced what it felt like to be held in the arms of the man I had been obsessing over since before I was really even old enough to look at boys in that way. But remembering that night isn’t the point, it’s remembering what happened next that jolts me back to my senses. The way I felt when I woke the next morning. The memories that hit me like a tidal wave. Every kiss. Every graze of his hand against my skin. The way his voice sounded when he said my name. Every single moment flooded through me until all I could see was Paxton, and I couldn’t fight the elation I felt. I was happy. No, I was more than just happy; I was in love. And then just like that, it all came crashing down around me. “Charlie, you okay?” I hear a light rap at the door followed by my mother’s concerned voice. “Yeah, fine, Mom,” I lie, pausing in the middle of the room to stare at the door. “You sure? You only pace when you’re upset,” she calls me out. I should have known she could hear me. This old house creaks every time you move. Though I’m not entirely sure why she’s up to be able to hear me in the first place. “I’m not pacing, just hanging up some laundry,” I blurt the first excuse that comes to mind. “This late?” Her question prompts me to look at the clock on the bedside table. Just after three o’clock in the morning. “I just got home from Gavin’s and needed to get it done.” “Okay. Well, I’m going back to bed then. Unless you need some help.” “Nope. I’m good,” I say, trying to keep my voice light. “I filled the car up on my way home too,” I add, for some reason wanting to make someone aware of my excuse for fleeing Gavin’s after he took off tonight. Needing to return the car to Mom seems like as good of an excuse as any. Truth is I just didn’t want to hang around and face Paxton when he decided to finally come home. It would be so much easier if he

wasn’t living with my brother right now. “Okay thanks, honey. Love you,” my mom once again interrupts my thoughts. “Love you too, Mom.” I wait until I hear her bedroom door close down the hall before my pacing resumes. My mind immediately floods back to Paxton, my stomach twisting into a hard knot as I replay the events of the day. I close my eyes and I can see his eyes, the normally bright green darkening to nearly black as he stared back at me. He hasn’t looked at me like that since the day he told me that our night together was a mistake and that he couldn’t be with me in the way I wanted. He was upset with me tonight, though I’m not entirely sure why. He had been drinking, that much I know for sure. But it still doesn’t explain why he cornered me the way he did, demanding to know why I was playing games with him. Me? Playing games? Since when is trying to move past the man who broke my heart a game? It took everything in me not to slap him right across the face right then and there. When I returned home from New York just a few weeks ago, I was determined to act like our one night together three years ago never happened. That we were still the same Paxton and Charlie that we’d always been. He would never know that I realized I was in love with him that night or how much his rejection hurt me when he pushed me away afterward. I knew it wouldn’t change anything. But now I just don’t know anything anymore. I never expected so much anger from him, especially given that he’s avoided me at every turn since I returned home. I haven’t seen him but a handful of times since I’ve been here, and all of those times were because we were forced into a group setting. I tried to keep things casual, to make sure he knew I wasn’t bitter about how things played out between us. The way he responded to me I thought we were on the same page; to leave the past in the past. Up until tonight I was convinced that he couldn’t care less about the approach I was taking. Now, out of nowhere, everything seems to have shifted. If I didn’t know any better, I would say he was the one whose heart was broken three years ago and not the other way around. So much has changed since I’ve been gone. Paxton has changed. He’s harder, more closed off than he was before. Hell, I didn’t even know his mom had passed away until my brother Gavin mentioned him spending the last few months in California with her. I’ve missed so much and yet at the same time, so much is still the same. The way my heart flutters in my chest every time he walks into a room. The way my skin blazes to life when I feel his eyes on me. The way his smile melts everything else away until all I can see is his beauty and none of the pain that accompanies it. My phone chimes to life, pulling my attention to the device as it vibrates against the top of the dresser. I hesitate for a split second before snatching it into my hand and looking at the screen. My heart explodes in my chest when I see Paxton’s name and the text message that follows. Paxton: I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me tonight. My hands tremble as I type out a response, clicking send before I have time to back out. Me: What are you sorry for? His response is almost instant. Paxton: For kissing you. The anger I felt earlier returns full force. So this is how it’s going to be then? As if he’s not toyed with me enough over the years. Me: Then why did you do it?

I hold my breath, waiting for a response, but it doesn’t come. I stare at the damn screen for a good ten minutes before tossing it across the room. It bounces off the top of the bed and then tumbles to the floor on the other side. I collapse face first on top of the mattress, burying my face into the thick comforter to muffle my scream of frustration. I can’t do this. I can’t let him pull me in just to push me away. Not again. I’m not the same girl I used to be. Like Paxton, I’ve changed too. New York changed me. Drew changed me. Just the thought of Drew’s name alone causes a tight knot to form in the pit of my stomach, and I immediately try to shake it away. I won’t go back there. I can’t. I refocus on Paxton, though I’m not sure that’s really any better. He may not have hurt me physically like Drew, but the emotional scarring runs just as deep. I scatter across the top of the mattress when I hear the muffled vibration of my phone. With my body hanging halfway off the bed, I finally locate it hidden behind the bed skirt. Snatching it off the floor, I hold the phone close to my face. Paxton: Because I can’t help myself. I try to fight the smile that forms on my lips as I type out my response. I don’t want his words to affect me the way they do, but I can’t help it. No matter how hard I try to fight it, I’m still in love with Paxton. Honestly, I don’t think that will ever change. But that doesn’t change our situation. Me: Well perhaps you should try. It feels like time slows down as I wait for his reply. Each second that ticks by feels like an eternity. When the phone finally lights up again, I am stunned by his response. Paxton: I’ve been trying for years. I’m done trying. I don’t know how to respond. My heart is beating so hard, all I can hear is it thudding over and over against my ribcage, the sound echoing through my ears. Me: What are you saying? He doesn’t reply to my question, and I’m fairly certain it’s probably because he’s passed out drunk or something. He will probably wake up tomorrow, realize his mistake, and then scramble to smooth things over with me. I’ve experienced this reaction from him before. I shake my head, knowing that tomorrow it will all be back to same old song and dance, and it’ll be like today never happened. I hate to jump to that conclusion, but it’s hard not to, especially when you’re dealing with a man like Paxton. The same familiar sting of rejection starts to take hold “Get a grip, Charlie.” I sigh, rolling onto my back. The mattress creaks below me as I move, and I cringe slightly at the noise. The light is still on in the room, but at this point, I just feel too drained even to think about getting up and shutting it off. Instead, I just stare at the ceiling, replaying the moment Paxton’s lips met mine over and over again until all I can see is him. All I can feel is him. I slowly drift to sleep with the memory lingering, taking hold and refusing to let go. **** Three days later... “Get up!” I hear Gavin’s voice just seconds before I feel the mattress dip as he sits down on the edge of the bed next to me. “Char. Wake the fuck up.” He shakes my shoulder, pulling me out of my groggy, half sleep state. “What?” I smack his hand away, peeking one eye open. “I need your help with something.” “Oh my God. I’m not helping you with your Harlee drama anymore. Seriously, it’s been what, two days? Certainly, you didn’t screw it up already,” I groan, rolling to the opposite side.

“Shut the fuck up, Char.” To my surprise he laughs, causing me to look over my shoulder at him. “I take it you and Harlee are good then?” I shake my head before collapsing back down onto my pillow. If his excited nature didn’t give it away, that damn smile taking over his entire face sure as hell does. I haven’t heard from my big brother since I let him leave the condo the other night like I was told not to. Guess something good came out of me failing as a man sitter. “Better than good.” His smile widens. “Great,” I say sarcastically, not at all happy about being woken up. “Now, would you tell me what the hell is so important that you had to barge in here and wake me up?” I roll onto my back and rub my eyes with the back of my hands, yawning loudly. “Well, Deck is kinda getting married.” He fights a laugh. “Duh. I was there when they announced it,” I say, clearly annoyed. “You misunderstand. He’s getting married like now.” He laughs when he catches my expression. “What?” I choke out, clearly confused. “I thought they were eloping this summer? Did I miss a couple of months somewhere?” “He called me this morning. He and Kimber decided they didn’t want to wait, so they’re planning a last minute trip to Vegas this weekend.” “Seriously. Decklan can’t do better than Vegas?” I ask, honestly a little annoyed. “Actually it was Kimber’s idea.” He laughs when he registers my surprise. “I know, right?” His smile widens. “I thought the same thing.” “Okay so when is this trip and what do you need from me?” I ask, not really sure what he’s getting at. “They want to fly us all out tomorrow, have the ceremony on Saturday, and then we would fly back on Sunday. Decklan is planning on leaving with Kimber directly from Vegas to St. John. Apparently, she’s always wanted to vacation there, so he’s gonna surprise her with a trip after the wedding.” “Wait, what do you mean fly us all out? I can’t go to Vegas,” I object. “Besides, why would they even want me there? It’s not like Kimber even really knows me.” “Are you kidding me right now, Char?” Gavin crinkles his forehead in confusion. “You are just as much Decklan’s sister as you are mine. Of course, he wants you there.” “So is Mia invited too?” I ask, referring to our older sister. “What do you think?” He hits me with a smirk. I don’t even know why I asked. Decklan has never been close to Mia. Hell, none of us have. She’s always been kind of out there on her own, completely by her own doing of course. “It’s just gonna be me, you, Harlee, Paxton, and Angel. Of course, they invited Mom, but you know how she is about flying.” “So let me get this straight. They expect everyone just to pick up and fly to Vegas with one day’s notice?” I interject, knowing immediately that my hesitation comes from going anywhere with Paxton right now. Given how things were left between us, I know that the short notice has very little to do with my reluctance to go to Vegas. “Don’t be like that, Char. This is Deck we’re talking about. The guy who waited up on the front porch after prom to make sure your date didn’t try to kiss you because you didn’t like him like that. The guy who walked you into school when you were twelve and threatened those snobby little cheerleaders who were giving you a hard time. The same guy who punched that asshole Travis square in the face after he called you a tease. The guy...” “I got it. I got it.” I hold up my hands, gesturing for him to stop. “I’m just saying, after everything he’s done for you, you can suck it up and be there for him this one time.”

“Of course, I will,” I concede, knowing Gavin is one hundred percent right. “What are you guys gonna do about the bar?” I tack on. “Val’s gonna handle it.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Just like that?” I question. “Just like that,” he confirms. “Val knows the business inside out, and it’s only four days. Besides, what’s the perk of owning your own business if you can’t take a last minute vaca every now and again.” He chuckles. “So what do I need to do then?” “You need to be packed and ready to leave by nine in the morning. Paxton and I will swing by and pick you up.” “What about Harlee?” I object, knowing he only has room for three people in his truck. “She’s catching a ride with Angel and meeting us there.” He pushes off the bed. “Don’t make me have to wake your ass up tomorrow,” he warns. “I promise it won’t be nearly as pleasant.” “I’ll be ready by nine,” I bite back. “Now go bother your new girlfriend or something, and leave me alone.” I kick at him, shaking my head as his laughter vibrates through the room. “With pleasure.” He raises his eyebrows up and down. “Gross!” I cry out, winging a pillow in his direction just as he disappears into the hallway. Flopping back down onto the bed, the reality of what is coming hits me like a ton of bricks. Not only will I be stuck in Vegas for four days, but I will be stuck there with Paxton... Paxton, who the last time that I saw him, kissed me and then left without warning. Paxton, who sent me a confusing text that I still don’t fully understand and has left me hanging for three days without even one word. Paxton, who just being in the same room as me makes me all kinds of crazy. Fuck me. This should be interesting.

Chapter Four Charlie It’s bad enough that things are the way they are between Paxton and me. It’s so much worse that I’m forced to sit side by side with him in the confines of Gavin’s truck and pretend like everything is all hunky-dory. This is for Decklan, I remind myself, letting out a slow breath as I stare out of the windshield toward the airport which I can see in the distance. Well, at least it’s almost over. Just a few more minutes and I will be out of this situation and can spend the entire weekend making myself as scarce as possible. I feel squeamish sitting so close to Paxton. I keep catching sight of his incredible profile out of the corner of my eye and every time I do, I swear an involuntary shiver runs through me. This man is more than just attractive; he’s practically a fucking god. Tall, broad shoulders, incredible bright green eyes; dark, perfectly styled short hair, and just enough sexy facial hair to bring it all home. And don’t get me started on his body. Dear God. Three years ago he was the perfect specimen of a man. By the looks of him, time has only intensified that fact. When Gavin finally parks the truck and kills the engine, I’m all but pushing him out the door so I can climb out too. Snagging my suitcase, having been successful in cramming everything I need for the weekend into one bag, I quickly pull it out of the bed of the truck and take off toward the entrance of the airport. “Char,” I hear Gavin call from behind me, but I pretend like I don’t hear him. “What’s got her in such a rush?” he grumbles to Paxton before I hear him slam the tailgate and arm the truck alarm. I immediately quicken my strides. I know I can’t escape Paxton, but I just need a few minutes to collect myself. Thank God the airport is only a few minutes from my mom’s house. I don’t think I could have sat in that truck for another second. Not with Paxton so close, his leg touching mine, his smell invading my senses. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin the entire time. I spot Kimber just moments after I enter the airport. She’s sitting in one of the chairs that line the side wall, nervously fidgeting with the label on her suitcase. “Hey.” I smile, stopping directly in front of her. “Charlie, hey.” She stands, pulling me into a brief hug. “I’m so glad you could make it. I know how much it means to Decklan that you all be with us for this.” She gives me a forced smile, her expression tight. “Nervous?” I question, taking a seat next to her when she sits back down. “That obvious?” She laughs, twisting a chunk of her long, blonde, wavy hair around her finger. “Maybe just a little.” I give her the most reassuring smile I can muster. “It’s gonna be fine, you know. Decklan is probably the best guy I’ve ever known.” “It’s not marrying him that I’m nervous about,” she admits. “It’s him marrying me.” “What do you mean?” I ask, tilting my head to the side. “What if he wakes up one day and realizes this has all been one epic mistake and now he’s stuck with me. I mean, we’ve only known each other a few months. Hell, we don’t even live together yet. What if he

hates the way I squeeze the toothpaste from the middle or that I always leave wet towels on the floor after I shower?” She chews lightly on her bottom lip. “Um. I’m pretty sure these are things he’s already noticed,” I point out, knowing that she spends most of her time at Decklan’s as is. “Noticed what?” I hear Gavin’s voice, which pulls both of our attention to where he and Paxton have stopped directly in front of us. “Nothing. Girl stuff.” I swipe my hand through the air. “Where’s Deck?” Paxton speaks next. “He had to make a phone call.” She points across the room where we all turn to see Decklan pacing back and forth along the opposite wall, his cell phone pressed to his ear. He’s sporting his usual ratty jeans and fitted v-neck, his sandy blonde hair that’s styled longer on top, pushed back away from his face haphazardly as he runs a hand through it three different times in the short period of time he holds my attention. Decklan is, well I hate to admit it, but he’s hot. Like really hot. But unlike Paxton, I’ve never been able to look at him as anything other than a brother. Maybe it’s because he’s always treated me like a sister, or maybe it’s because he’s been part of my family for so long I could never see him as more than anything than just that—family. He catches us all looking in his direction and holds up a finger, indicating to give him a minute. It isn’t until that moment that I catch sight of Harlee and Angel making their way toward us, pulling a full luggage cart behind them. “Are you kidding me?” I hear Kimber laugh, pulling my attention toward her. “I’m the one getting married and yet those two have more luggage than all of us combined.” She shakes her head on a laugh as she pushes into a stand. She greets Harlee first, embracing her in a tight hug before moving on to Angel. I have no time to say hello to Harlee before Gavin has her swooped up in his arms and is kissing her like his very life depends on it. “Get a room,” Angel whines, verbalizing what we’re all probably thinking. Harlee holds up her middle finger toward the group without breaking away from Gavin’s kiss, making sure we all know how little a shit she actually gives over what we think. As much as it grosses me out to see my brother with his tongue down a girl’s throat, I have to admit; it makes my heart swell to see him so incredibly happy. I would even go as far as to say I’m jealous. Who doesn’t want to find that? I flick my gaze to Paxton but then immediately look away when I meet his intense green eyes. Why is he watching me? Better yet, why did I even look his way to begin with. Even with the thought still fresh in my mind, I look back again. His gaze is still locked firmly on me, and I squirm slightly in my seat, feeling the effects of his piercing stare. Just knowing he’s watching me makes me all sorts of giddy inside, even though I wish it didn’t. I avert my eyes once more and focus back on Kimber, who is giving Angel shit for bringing so much luggage. Angel moves her hands back and forth as she explains to Kimber that she is finally back on the market, though I didn’t know she was seeing anyone to begin with. I’ve only been around Angel a couple of times. All I know is she is Harlee’s best friend and that she goes to school with her and Kimber. She seems nice enough, though she’s a bit more outgoing and loud than I’m used to. With her black shoulder length hair streaked with bright blue, her lips fire engine red, and her dress so tight that it hugs every single one of her incredible curves, it’s clear that Angel loves being the center of

attention. I wonder if Paxton notices how sexy she is. Of course, he does. Who wouldn’t? She’s forward, beautiful, and full of spunk. For a brief moment I dislike Angel, but then quickly shake the thought away. She’s never been anything but nice to me; I can’t fault her for being sexy. Now that I look around, every single one of these women are drop dead gorgeous. Kimber, petite and slender with incredible long blonde hair, curves, and the most incredible blue eyes. And then Harlee, well it’s clear to see why Gavin is so into her. She’s everything a man could want in a woman. Long blonde hair, an incredible smile, and let’s not forget her legs for days. Seriously, one look at any one of these three and any girl would be stupid not to run off and hide in the corner out of fear of being compared to them. I really have a way of making myself feel even worse about an already less than ideal situation. “Char.” I vaguely register my name when I look up and see that everyone around me is now standing, and Decklan has joined the group. “You coming or what?” Gavin laughs. “Yeah, sorry.” I scramble to my feet. “Let me help you with that,” I hear Paxton say just as I reach for my suitcase. “I got it,” I insist. “You have your own bag to carry.” I gesture to the duffel bag draped over his shoulder. “Char.” He says my name so soft it nearly takes my breath away. I look up to find his green eyes studying me intensely. “Let me get it,” he insists, his hand lightly brushing against mine as he takes the handle of my suitcase from me. “Okay,” I mutter quietly, averting his gaze. Why, oh why does he have to do this to me? Why can’t he just leave me alone? I attempt to walk ahead of him, but his long legs make it impossible for me to gain any ground. Standing a good foot taller than me, it takes me two steps to match his one. We get split up as we go through security, and I’m thankful for the small reprieve. Unfortunately, my nerves have not settled in the slightest as our party regroups just outside the terminal. At least I will have the two-hour flight to gather my bearings and get my shit together before we land in Vegas. Or at least that’s what I thought until I feel someone settle into the seat to my left and look over to see Paxton next to me. “What are you doing?” I question, my tone a bit harsher than I meant for it to be. “Sitting in my seat,” he says it like it should be obvious. “This isn’t your seat,” I object, having been told by Gavin that Angel would be sitting next to me. “Afraid it is.” A slow smile spreads across his face. “No, it’s Angel’s seat,” I object. “Correction, it was Angel’s seat.” He chuckles lightly at my expression. “She wanted to sit closer to Harlee, so I offered her my seat directly behind her and Gavin.” “Why would you do that?” I wish I could just shut up but for whatever reason, I can’t. “Because I’m a nice guy.” He phrases it almost as a question. “Char, I’ve know you since you were in grade school. Since when have you ever had a problem with me sitting next to you?” I immediately pick up on what he’s doing. He’s turning the tables on me, pretending like nothing is or has ever happened between us. “You know what, you’re right.” I cross my arms over my chest. “Sit where you want, Paxton. I couldn’t care less.” I smile, shifting toward the window. “Okay, I will.” He chuckles again, clearly finding humor in my juvenile response to him. I know it’s ridiculous. I shouldn’t let him get to me the way he does. He’s just so damn infuriating. First, he makes me feel like I’m going out of my mind for years growing up; laying subtle hints or finding

every excuse he could to be near me only to turn around and pretend like the growing feelings between us were all one-sided. Now, hell, now I have no idea what his game is. It’s like he enjoys winding me up and letting me go, watching me spin in circles before falling off the ledge. Five minutes bleed into sixty and then ninety. The silence between us is heavy. There are so many things I want to say, so many things I want to know. We’re near the back of the plane while the others are all toward the front; now would be the perfect time for us to hash this shit out, but per usual, everything is left unsaid. Paxton doesn’t acknowledge me even once throughout the entire flight. Hell, he doesn’t even take off his headphones until the pilot comes over the intercom announcing that we’re getting ready to land. Even then he doesn’t even look my way, let alone speak. I don’t know why it pisses me off so much. Aren’t I the one that asked for this? As we start our descent downward, I’ve accepted that this is just how things are going to be. I’m fully prepared to exit the plane without so much as one more word spoken between us. That is until I hear Paxton shift next to me and then feel his breath hot on the back of my neck as I stare down at the city below me. “Incredible isn’t it?” he purrs, causing my skin to prickle. “I love how alive the city looks from up here.” “Yeah,” is all I can manage, my breath catching when I feel his hand settle on my thigh as he leans over me to share my view of the city. “I know you’re angry with me, Charlie.” I keep my eyes locked on the window, knowing if I turn my head that his face would be just inches from mine. “I know I have a habit of fucking things up no matter how hard I try not to,” he continues. “Just know that this”—his index finger touches my jaw just seconds before he turns my face toward him—“this is not a game to me. You. You’re not a game.” “I...” My words stick in my throat, and I can’t seem to get a single one of them out. “Let me finish.” He presses his finger gently against my lips, silencing my struggle to speak. “I don’t know what this is between us, Char. I’ve been trying to shake you for years, and I just can’t do it. I can’t promise you the stars and the moon. I can’t tell you that everything is going to work out in the end. All I know is that right now, I want you.” He drops his hand away, but his face still lingers so close to mine that I find it difficult to breathe properly. His confession has sent my heart galloping so hard against my ribcage that I swear it’s going to beat straight out of my chest at any moment. “And I think you want me too,” he adds. “I... I don’t know what I want,” I stutter out, finding it impossible to think clearly with our close proximity. “I think you do.” He inches closer toward me. “I told you the other night, I’m done fighting this,” he says, for the first time addressing the text message he sent and never explained. “I meant that. I want to know what this is, Char. This feeling. I have to know.” “And Gavin?” I address the elephant in the room. “He doesn’t need to know, at least not yet. No one does. This can be our little secret.” He slowly closes the small amount of distance between us, his lips touching mine for the briefest moment before he pulls away. “Okay,” I breathe the word without a second thought. My brain screams in protest, but right now my heart is in control. I can’t fight this. I never could. Paxton’s smile spreads across his entire face. Just the sight of it causes a flurry of butterflies to explode in my stomach.

Just when I feel like the world might allow me to simply float away, the plane jolts slightly, the wheels connecting with the runway as it lands. The sudden movement jars me out of the moment, and I look around for the first time in several moments really acknowledging where I am. I shake my head, trying to pull myself back to reality. It isn’t until I catch Paxton’s gaze, his incredible smile still spread across his face, that I realize none of this is a dream. Paxton really did say all of those things, and I really did just agree to what—a secret relationship with my brother’s best friend? My eyes dart to where Gavin is now standing, preparing to exit the plan, back to Paxton who squeezes my hand and winks before also standing. Back and forth, my focus switches between the two men, the reality of the situation really taking hold. At the end of the day, Paxton can only have one of us. If he chooses Gavin, he will lose me forever. If he chooses me, he risks losing Gavin forever. I just can’t help but wonder if I’m really worth that risk.

Chapter Five Paxton It’s been hours since we landed in Vegas early this afternoon. Hours and yet I’ve only seen Charlie about sixty minutes of that time, and that was during lunch where everyone in our group was present. Not an ideal time or place to talk about what I said on the plane or what that really means for us. She left directly after lunch to go dress shopping with the other girls and has been gone for the entire afternoon and now into the early hours of the evening. I honestly don’t know what got into me on the plane. Even now I find myself second guessing my actions. I swore to myself when I was packing this morning that I wouldn’t pursue Charlie any further. But after sitting next to her in such close proximity for the entire morning, my resolve just seemed to melt away. My actions at Gavin’s a few nights ago and the text messages that followed, I had convinced myself were a product of too much alcohol and the severe lack of companionship I’ve been suffering from over the last few weeks. Of course, I know that’s not the truth. And I also know that the lack of companionship is by my own doing. Ever since Charlie came home, no other woman has really sparked my interest. Deep down I know it’s because I have placed Charlie on this untouchable pedestal and now that she’s back in my life, no one else can hold a candle to her. She’s all I want. Hell, she’s all I have wanted for about five years now. The last three years were at least tolerable without having her around. I didn’t have to see her every day. I didn’t have to look at her full, pink lips without being able to kiss them. I didn’t have to stare at her perfect skin without being able to touch it. I didn’t have to watch a loose piece of brown hair blow across her face and not be able to reach out and tuck it behind her ear. Life was just—well, easier. “Paxton.” I hear Decklan’s voice just as he knocks on the door of my hotel. “Hey, open up.” He knocks again. I push myself off of the too firm mattress and cross the space of the room. I’ve never stayed at the Palazzo before, and I have to admit, it’s pretty fucking sweet. I’m the only one of our group that has my own room. Of course, Decklan and Kimber are rooming together, as are Gavin and Harlee. And to save money Charlie and Angel got booked together, though I know for a fact it has nothing to do with money and more to do with Gavin wanting someone present to keep an eye on Charlie. He would never admit to that, but I know how he operates. He worries about her a hell of a lot more than he would ever lead on. Pulling open the door, Decklan steps inside the moment he has enough room. “You get settled?” he asks, stepping into the foyer before letting the door close behind him. “Yeah.” I cross toward the couch on the far side of the room and pick up my fitted black t-shirt that’s flung over the side of it. “What’s the game plan for tonight?” I ask, glancing at the clock before sliding the shirt over my head. “The girls just got back.” He runs a hand through his messy hair before squatting down in front of the mini fridge. “We’re gonna head downstairs and grab some dinner if you want to join.”

“Sure.” I shrug nonchalantly, watching him pull out two individual bottles of Jack Daniels from the fridge before standing. He tosses one to me before twisting the cap off of his. He holds his bottle up for a brief moment before draining the contents in one long gulp. Following his lead, I do the same, wiping away the traces of whiskey left on my lips with the back of my hand. “Sorry, I just needed that.” He laughs, tossing the bottle into the trashcan next to him. “Everything okay?” “Everything’s fucking perfect man.” He shakes his head, his hand reaching around to squeeze the back of his neck. “I’m just nervous as shit,” he admits with a gruff laugh. “Why?” I can’t help but ask the question. “What if she wakes up one day and realizes she made a mistake?” “That’s not gonna happen, dude. That girl is crazy about you,” I reassure him, sitting down on the couch to slide on my shoes. “I don’t know. I’m just in my fucking head right now. Kimber is—fuck, she’s everything that’s fucking good in this world, man. I just can’t wrap my mind around what she’s doing with a guy like me. Hell, I’ve never understood it.” “You give yourself too much shit, dude.” I stand, crossing the room toward him. “You deserve Kimber. You deserve to be happy. Just let the doubts go and embrace the fucking ride.” I clasp down on his shoulder and meet his gaze. “Thanks, man.” He lets out a slow exhale before turning to follow me out of the room. Stepping into the hallway, I pause just seconds after the door closes behind me. My attention goes directly to Charlie as she comes into my line of sight. She’s leaning casually against the wall, her cell phone just inches from her face as she types something out. I hear Kimber say something to Decklan, but I can’t pull my gaze away from the stunning woman in front of me. She’s wearing a black, strapless dress that stops mid-thigh and shows off the amazing contour of her legs. It hugs her torso just right, accenting her amazing curves. Fuck me. The moment her eyes meet mine my mind goes slack. Her hair is pulled to the side, secured in place by a silver barrette, and her full lips are covered in a deep red gloss that has my groin tightening just by looking at her. I’m fully aware that our whole group has gathered in the hallway, apparently waiting for Deck to get me, but I can’t rip my eyes away from her. Seconds tick by but feel like hours before I finally register Gavin’s voice next to me, and the fog seems to lift. Hoping no one has noticed my momentary lapse; I plaster on a smile and turn in his direction just as he speaks again. “What the fuck, dude? Hitting the mini fridge early?” He bumps his shoulder into mine, clearly chalking up my haze to alcohol. “Maybe a little.” I give him a cocky smile and head off down the hallway. I’m not really sure who, if anyone, is following me as I round the corner toward the elevator. All I know is I need to pull my shit together—like now. I can’t have Gavin seeing me gawk at his sister like a horny fucking teenager. Fuck. Everyone joins me in front of the elevator before it reaches our floor and the doors slide open. I keep my eyes trained on anything and everything that is not Charlie the entire ride down and walk to the restaurant. By the time we take our seats in the swanky hotel restaurant just a few minutes later, I’m painfully aware of her eyes on me. I swear it’s like I can feel the heat from her stare burning holes in my face, but still I avoid her gaze.

It’s killing me not to look up into those beautiful, dark eyes, but I keep my focus trained on the rest of the group, the menu in front of me, the waitress as she brings our drinks and then comes back minutes later to take our order. I know my actions are probably confusing as hell. I can only imagine what Charlie is thinking right now as she sits caddy corner across the table from me. Doing my best to participate in the conversation flowing around the table, I jump slightly when I feel my phone vibrate. Leaning forward, I grab the device out of my back pocket, an instant smile coming to my face when I see the message displayed on the screen. Charlie: You realize it’s not illegal to look at me right? A second message immediately follows. Charlie: You’re starting to give me a complex. Here I’m thinking she’s probably furious with my behavior and instead. Clearly, she’s finding humor in it. Me: Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to do that. Charlie: It’s just me, Pax. Stop acting like your eyes will burn out of their sockets if you look in my direction. Her response pulls a laugh from my throat that I immediately try to cover. When no one seems to take notice of my outburst, I finally turn my gaze to her, meeting her eyes instantly. She stares at me for a long moment before sticking her tongue out playfully and scrunching her nose in the cutest fucking way. This is why I’m so twisted up by this girl. Not only is she beautiful as fuck on the outside, but she's also amazing in every other single way that counts as well. She’s sweet and stubborn. Giving and selfish. Funny and serious. She is the perfect fucking combination of good and bad and just looking into those damn eyes of hers pulls the air right out of my lungs. She’s fucking more than just breathtaking; she’s all-consuming. And I’m fucking lost in her. I turn my attention back to my phone, typing out a quick message. Me: You think you could slip your roommate tonight? I can’t fight the smile on my lips as I press send and watch her eyes widen, her gaze jumping between me and the phone. She chews lightly on her bottom lip, the action causing me to squirm slightly in my seat, before typing out a response. Charlie: Maybe... Before I get a chance to say anything more, Decklan pulls my attention to him, asking if I’d be willing to lend my musical services for the wedding. Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I throw Charlie a quick sideways glance before turning my attention back to Deck. “What did you have in mind?” “Well, I had an idea.” Kimber jumps in. “Instead of walking down the aisle to the same boring song everyone else does, I thought maybe you could play something.” “I’d be honored,” I answer truthfully, watching Kimber’s smile light up her face. “Anything specific you were thinking?” “Not really.” She tucks a blonde wave behind her ear. “Just something different. Something beautiful.” “I think I can come up with something.” But then quickly add the moment I remember I didn’t bring my guitar—“Does the chapel have...” “We already made sure they had a guitar on site,” Deck interrupts, already knowing where my question is going. “Okay. I won’t have time to practice anything, but I’m sure I can wing it.” “Isn’t that what you always do?” Gavin injects. “Usually, yeah,” I agree on a laugh, knowing I rarely plan a performance beforehand.

I just get up on stage and play whatever songs I feel like. Lucky for me, I know quite a few, so I’m able to keep things interesting. Though I must admit, I have no idea what I’m going to be able to pull out of my ass that’s appropriate for a bride to walk down the aisle to. Fortunately, I have a day and a half to figure it out. “How long have you been playing?” Angel speaks directly next to me, pulling my gaze toward her. “Since I was about thirteen. My dad taught me. At the time I thought he was just trying to push an agenda on me. I realized pretty quickly though that it gave us something to bond over. I’ve been in love with it ever since.” “That’s amazing.” She gives me a wide smile leaning into me slightly. “It is,” I agree, returning her smile. It isn’t until her hand settles on my leg that it finally hits me what the hell is going on. She’s hitting on me. That’s why she insisted on sitting next to me. That’s why she’s been breaking her neck to stare at me since the moment we sat down. I glance up at Kimber and then to Harlee who are both looking in our direction, watching the interaction between the two of us. Kimber seems excited but Harlee— she seems more—hell how do I explain this? There’s something in Harlee’s stare that goes straight through me, and I don’t think it has anything to do with Angel. I can’t shake the uneasiness I feel, but before I can really pinpoint why she’s looking at me the way she is, she turns her attention back to Gavin, snuggling into his side when he drops an arm over the back of her chair. Casually brushing Angel’s hand from my leg, I try to keep my rejection as subtle as possible. I barely register her unphased reaction before I glance back at Charlie. Her face is turned to the side as she talks to Kimber. She gives me a brief smile when she catches me looking at her, but otherwise gives me no indication that she witnessed my interaction with Angel. Don’t get me wrong; Angel is banging. And if not for the gorgeous creature sitting across from me, I probably wouldn’t hesitate to take her back to my room. But what physical attraction I may have toward Angel in different company, it’s nonexistent when Charlie’s in the room. Luckily, Angel seems unaffected by me thwarting her advances and continues to joke and laugh with the rest of the group like nothing even happened. Honestly, she’s so casual about the entire thing I’ve almost immediately convinced myself that I misunderstood her intentions. Almost. The sly look she throws my way moments later reaffirms my initial thought. Can’t blame a girl for trying I guess. The conversation continues on through dinner, jumping back and forth around the table. I only really pay attention to the important things; Charlie transferring her credits from NYU to the University of Oregon, how she plans to stay at her mom’s house while she finishes her last year of school, what she plans to do for a job in the meantime, which up to this point she has yet to figure out. Gavin questions her a little more about why she left New York to begin with, considering she had just three semesters to go before she would have graduated from NYU with a Bachelor’s degree in Business. Like every time he’s asked her before, she shrugs it off, giving some half-cocked excuse about missing home. Obviously, he doesn’t believe her answer. Not that I can blame him. I’ve never bought her excuse either. Something is just off with her whenever anyone brings up New York. Charlie has never been a very good liar, which is in large part one of the reasons why I avoided pursuing her further after our one night together. I knew that if Gavin ever suspected anything and asked her straight up, her expression alone would have probably given us away. Luckily now he has Harlee. Not that having a girlfriend makes him blind or anything, but it does offer up a nice distraction while I feel things out a little more with Charlie. By the time we finally wrap up dinner, everyone is ready to call it a night. Considering it’s just past ten o’clock when I return to my room and I don’t normally go to bed until three or four in the morning, I

know that I’m hours away from being ready to sleep. I stare at the text feed between Charlie and me from earlier tonight. My thumb lingers over the screen for several moments before I finally lock the phone and toss it onto my bed. As much as I want to reach out to her, I know I need to put the ball in her court. If we are in this together, then I’m game, but I won’t be the only one putting myself out there. If she wants to meet up after Angel falls asleep, then she knows where to find me. If not, then it looks like I’m in for one hell of a long, disappointing night.

Chapter Six Charlie The darkness of the room settles over me like a thick blanket, shutting me off from the world to hold me prisoner beneath its weight. I fight to keep my eyes closed, to will myself to sleep, but I can’t get my mind to turn off. I roll to the side, squinting through the pitch black room to where Angel is in the bed next to mine. I can’t see her, but I can hear her light exhales of breath as she sleeps. Letting out a slow sigh, I roll to my back and stare up at the dark ceiling. Six rooms down on the right. That’s all I would need to travel. Six rooms and I could be in Paxton’s arms, in his bed. But as much as I want that, I’m not sure I want it at the same time. We’ve been through this before, this back and forth game of tug of war. Last time things were slightly different. Then I was just a kid really. It started my senior year of high school. I was seventeen the first time I noticed that something had shifted between Paxton and me. I could tell in the way he looked at me. For a while I convinced myself it was just wishful thinking, considering I had harbored a secret crush on him for years. But then it slowly became apparent that it wasn’t just in my head. Suddenly he was spending even more time at the house than usual. He would stay for dinner and always sit next to me. He would find ways to brush into me accidently, but it always felt completely intentional. The way I would catch him staring at me from across the room, a hunger in his eyes, I knew he felt something too. It wasn’t until prom night that everything came to light. Even though I had made it perfectly clear to everyone that the guy I was going with was just a friend, Paxton was acting wildly jealous, cornering me in the hallway to demand I cancel. I refused, of course. But not before I told him exactly what I wanted. That it was his arms I wanted to be in that night. It was him I wanted to spin me across the dance floor. It was him and only him I wanted. He responded how I knew he would. Saying that Gavin would never be okay with it and that he’s just too old for me. I laughed. I mean, I was eighteen by that point, and Paxton was twenty-two. We were both legally adults. He was just scared. I could see it in his eyes. It wasn’t until later that night after I was home and curled in bed that he came for me. He told me how sorry he was; how he couldn’t fight the feelings he had for me anymore. He told me he wanted me, and he didn’t care what anyone thought. He kissed me for the first time that night. It was soft and brief but to this day remains the most memorable kiss of my life. I woke up the next morning the happiest I think I’ve ever been. Nothing could wipe the smile off my face that morning. Nothing, except the very person who put it there to begin with. The first chance he got to get me alone he did, telling me he was sorry for coming to my room the night before, that it was inappropriate and things could never be that way between us. That was the first time Paxton Stewart broke my heart, but it certainly wasn’t the last. I guess the second time was my own fault. My parents let the guys throw me a huge graduation party just a few weeks

later. Gavin even let me drink a little which was totally out of the norm for him. It didn’t take long for the alcohol buzz to work its way through my veins and by the time it did, I was fearless. I remember finding Paxton sitting on the couch in the living room, strumming out a song on his guitar for some of my friends who had gathered around him, clearly enamored by his good looks. The moment he opened his mouth to sing and that incredible voice filled the air, I knew... It’s not the exact way I planned to lose my virginity. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I had always dreamed it would be with Paxton. I just didn’t think it would happen the way it did. I can remember each detail like it was yesterday. He had just finished playing one of my favorite CCR songs when he looked up and saw me watching him from the doorway. I smiled, nodded toward the stairs and took off in the direction of the bedrooms, praying he would follow me. When I reached the top of the stairs, I pressed my back against the wall, took a deep breath and waited. Only seconds had passed before Paxton appeared at the top of the landing. I took his hand, pulled him down the hallway and into my bedroom, locking the door behind us. It was the most incredible, magical night of my life. Still to this day, it is one of my fondest memories. Like the night he snuck into my room and confessed his feelings for me, I awoke with happiness bubbling out of every pore. He was finally mine. Or so I thought. Once again, he panicked. But this time, it was so much worse because it wasn’t just a kiss we had shared. I knew what it was like to hold him, to feel him inside me, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that nothing would ever be the same again. That was it. The story of Paxton and Charlie. I left for NYU two weeks later and had every intention of never seeing Paxton Stewart again. Unfortunately, life had other plans, and now I find myself in a very similar situation as before, only this time I know what it feels like to have him and what it feels like to lose him. I know it’s worth the risk. I just don’t know if my heart can take another break. It’s been through so much already. **** “Get it, girl!” Harlee leans over the small round table between us and yells over the music to a blushing Kimber who is sitting next to me. She gives Harlee a wide smile and fans herself as one of the half-naked dancers’ slides past our VIP table and stops directly in front of her. When Angel had told me this morning that Kimber’s bachelorette party was going to consist of martinis in the hotel room followed by an evening at Chippendales, I have to admit I wasn’t all that enthused. But I guess I had forgotten how much fun it can be just to go out with the girls and let loose. Considering I’m the only one of the group of girls old enough to drink, I’ve been pounding back cocktails for the last hour and have a pretty decent buzz going on. I still don’t fully understand why Kimber wanted to come to Vegas when she can basically do nothing that makes Vegas, Vegas. I guess to her it’s more about what she came here to do. I figured since everyone else is basically sober, they could keep me solid while I let down my hair for a little bit; something I rarely do. I’m speaking figuratively of course. I cup my mouth and let out a howl when the dancer in front of Kimber runs his hands down his oiled up chest and tight, muscular abs. I get that these guys are sexy, but I can think of one man in particular that would put every single one of these dancers to shame. I shake off the thought. No Paxton tonight. I promised myself when I woke up this morning that I wasn’t going to let him consume my thoughts today. I was going to have fun with the girls if it killed me. And I am having fun. But that doesn’t mean that he hasn’t been sneaking into my mind for most of the night.

By the end of the show I’ve had more than my weight in martinis, or at least that’s how it feels. All I know is when we arrive back to the hotel just past one in the morning I feel like I can conquer the world. Of course I know, even in my drunken state, that this is the alcohol talking, but honestly, I don’t care. The other girls all say their goodnights and quietly slip off to their rooms. Neither Harlee nor Kimber says it, but I know they are both anxious to get back to their guys. The thought causes a tight knot to form in the pit of my stomach. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m jealous. Who wouldn’t be? I follow Angel into our shared hotel room, kicking off my shoes the moment I reach my bed. My butt no more than hits the mattress beneath me before I’m standing again. “I think I’m gonna head down and play some slots for a little while,” I announce abruptly. “You sure that’s a good idea?” Angel laughs, watching me struggle to slip my heels back on. “It’ll be fine.” I swipe my hand through the air. “I’m drunk enough to lose all my money but sober enough to make it there and back alive.” I laugh. “You want me to walk down with you?” she offers, hovering next to her bed, a large t-shirt having already replaced the skimpy dress she was wearing just seconds earlier. Considering all three of the girls were up at the butt crack of dawn this morning, she is probably exhausted. I get that they're excited to be here, but dear lord, I must value my sleep a lot more than they do. When I woke up just after ten, they were all showered, dressed, and had already eaten breakfast. “No, you don’t have to do that. You can’t even get all the way to the casino without being twenty-one anyway,” I insist. “I’m just gonna run down for a few, check out the casino. It may be the only chance I get.” “Okay, well make sure you take a hotel key. And you have my number right?” “Yep.” I snap open my clutch purse and flash the key at her. “Anything else, Mom?” I laugh. “Sorry.” She shakes her head. “I promise I’m not normally this lame. It’s just, well Gavin might kill me if something happens to you.” “Gavin needs to suck it up and accept that I’m an adult,” I huff, rolling my eyes. “I think it’s sweet.” “You wouldn’t if you were the one he was always trying to control.” “True. I could see where that would get super annoying, super fast.” She chuckles, pulling back the covers on her bed. “You have no idea.” “Well just be careful and call me if you need me to come down and rescue you or anything.” “Will do.” I smile, quickly backing out of the room and into the hallway. I pass Paxton’s room on my way to the elevator, stopping for a brief moment directly in front of his door. No one would know. I could slip inside and be in his arms in seconds, and not one single person would suspect a thing. I take a deep breath, laying my palm flat against the door before letting it out slowly. It would be so easy, but for whatever reason, I can’t make myself do it. I need another drink—like now. Within minutes I’m in front of a slot machine, twenty dollars down, and half way through my second drink. I’ve never been much of a gambler, having done so only once before, but I find that I’m rather enjoying it. The buzz from the alcohol makes losing a whole hell of a lot easier to stomach. Of course, that wasn’t the case when my aunt Pam took me down to Atlantic City for my twenty-first birthday. I spent the entire night drinking some weird green concoction, but it certainly didn’t make losing my money fun. The thought of Pam causes a swell of emotion to settle over me. I miss her terribly. For over three years she stepped in as my second mom. She allowed me to live with her while I attended NYU and did

all the things a mother would do for her college-aged daughter. She cooked for me, helped me study, and made sure I had everything I needed. I hate that I had to leave her the way I did, even though she was the one who encouraged me to go. She is the only person on this planet that knows what happened with Drew. She witnessed first-hand how quickly things spiraled out of control. Even with me keeping some of the worst details a secret from her, she was scared of what might happen if I stayed in New York. I jump slightly when a voice sounds next to me. Looking to my right, I see an impatient looking waitress who has a drink extended in my direction. I can only guess, based on the way she’s looking at me, that she’s been standing here longer than she’d like. “Sorry.” I shake off the fog that seems to have settled over me and reach for the glass. It isn’t until the waitress spins on her heel and walks away that I catch sight of Paxton not five feet in front of me. He tilts his head slightly and gives me a half-smile before closing the distance between us. “So this is why you’re avoiding my calls,” he says, sliding down onto the stool to my left. “I’m not avoiding your calls.” I hand him my drink before grabbing the clutch purse in my lap. Pulling out my phone, I see that I have three missed calls, all from Paxton. “Uh huh.” He chuckles, taking a drink out of my glass before crinkling his nose in disgust. “What the hell is this?” “Dirty Martini.” I snag the drink out of his hand after dropping my phone back into the purse. “And I wasn’t avoiding your calls; my phone is on silent,” I add. “Likely story.” He smiles, leaning forward to grab his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans. Pulling out a hundred dollar bill, he slips it into the machine and spins the reels before looking back to where I’m still staring curiously at him. “What?” He laughs, shaking his head. “What are you doing?” The alcohol in my veins makes me brave. I like being brave. “I thought that was obvious.” He gestures to the slot machine in front of him. “No, I mean, what are you really doing?” I narrow my gaze at him. “Why don’t you tell me, since you seem to be the one who’s convinced I’m up to something?” I open my mouth to respond but then snap it closed when the same waitress reappears behind us, extending a beer to Paxton. I glance back to see that the sour face she wore when serving me has now been replaced by a wide smile and sultry voice. “Anything else I can get for you?” she purrs, her hand lingering on his as she hands him the bottle. “I’m good, thanks.” He smiles, and I can literally see her knees shake. Good to know I’m not the only one I guess. I shake my head as the now flustered waitress blushes and stumbles slightly as she turns and quickly walks away. “Wow.” I shake my head, turning back toward my machine. “Wow, what?” The cocky smile on his face tells me he knows exactly where my mind is. “Don’t play stupid with me. That waitress practically had drool dripping off her chin.” “She did not.” He lets out a full belly laugh, the sound so incredible it nearly makes me forget what we’re even talking about. “Are you kidding me?” I throw my hands up playfully. “Well shit, maybe I should find out what time she gets off.” He looks behind him before playfully meeting my gaze. “Ha. Ha.” I deadpan. “Is someone jealous?” He reaches over, squeezing just above my knee which causes me to jump slightly.

“No.” I turn up my nose and hit the reel on my slot machine, acting completely unaffected. “Good.” I feel his breath hot on the side of my face as he leans into me, his grip tightening on my leg. “Because there is only one woman in this room I want in my bed, and she’s sitting right next to me.”

Chapter Seven Paxton Charlie’s cheeks heat crimson as my words sink in. I watch as her eyes widen and her mouth parts slightly, a soft exhale escaping her lips. I lean closer, reaching out to turn her face toward mine. “Let’s get out of here.” She doesn’t speak, only nods and follows my lead as I cash out my machine and stand, extending my hand to her. Taking it, she walks in silence next to me as we weave in and out of the crowded casino. We reach the elevators within minutes. I can feel the nervous energy radiating off of her when she steps past me, and I can’t help but smile to myself. Squeezing her hand that is still wrapped in mine, the elevator car jerks and then starts to climb. “Are you sure about this?” Charlie finally speaks just seconds after we exit the elevator and come to a stop in front of the door to my hotel room. “Are you?” I question playfully, giving her a wink before pushing my way into the room, holding the door open for her. She hesitates for only a fraction of a second before stepping over the threshold and into the room. I let the door close directly behind her, the echo of it snapping shut filling the thick silence of the room. Charlie takes a few steps into the room, stopping about halfway through, just feet from the bed. Her back is to me, but I can tell she’s breathing rapidly. Her shoulders rise and fall with each quick breath she takes. I let my eyes travel down her bare back; her low cut black dress swooping to just above the top of her ass. Before I even realize what I’m doing, I’m moving toward her. Slowly. One step, then another, until I’m standing directly behind her. I gently rest my hands on her shoulders before slowly trailing them down her arms, feeling her skin prickle to life under my touch. I can already feel myself straining against the seam of my jeans. I want her so badly it’s fucking painful. “Paxton,” she whispers. “Don’t.” I press my lips to the back of her neck before reaching up and pulling the clip from her hair, watching the thick dark strands fall across her back seconds later. Trailing my hands back up to her shoulders, I gently tug, spinning her toward me. The moment her eyes meet mine, my control slips. I want to be slow, gentle, show her that I’m not just after one thing, but my hunger for her is too great. My mouth crashes down on top of hers and in an instant the whole room shifts. The two unsure, hesitant people from moments ago morph into a chaos of clattering teeth, twisted tongues, and hands that can’t get clothes off fast enough. I rip at her dress, not caring if I tear the thin material in my pursuit to strip her bare. I just need to see her, to feel her, to own her. She breaks away from my mouth just long enough to pull my shirt over my head before she is pulling me back to her, begging for me not to stop.

I’m so lost, hopeless, completely fucking twisted up in this beautiful fucking girl that nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to stop me from making her mine. She cries out in surprise when I lift her into the air and deposit her onto the mattress, her body landing with a light swoosh as nearly every inch of her is revealed to me. Her perky tits call out, begging for my mouth, and I’m all too happy to oblige. I climb up her body, sucking one nipple into my mouth on a hard pull, sliding my tongue across the now hard bud before switching to the other, loving the way she wiggles beneath me. Her hands slide into my hair, her fingers twisting and pulling as I kiss my way down her torso, stopping just at the top of her skimpy thong. I slowly trail my tongue inside the band, loving the soft moans that sound in my ears as I do. Hitching my fingers into the thin straps at her hips, in one swift pull, the last of her body hidden from view is revealed. I suck in a quick breath when I see that she is completely bare. Not one ounce of hair is anywhere to be found, and fuck me it’s a glorious sight. I run my palm down the front of her before spreading her lips wide with my fingers. It’s only seconds before my tongue is dipping inside, tasting her, teasing her. I roll upwards over her clit causing her to jerk forward slightly. Grabbing her legs, I pull her to the end of the bed and spread her legs wider, blowing a cool breath against her damp folds before my tongue finds her again. I’m a man possessed. Her taste, her smell, the way she bucks against me as my tongue works feverously against her swollen clit. It’s enough to drive me fucking insane. I know she’s getting close. I can tell by the way she greedily holds my head down, her hips pumping up and down as she rides my face, begging for release. When she finally explodes, her deep moans of pleasure bounce around the room, I feel like I’m only seconds away from coming straight into my boxers. I want to keep going. I want to taste every ounce of her as she pulses against my tongue, but when she reaches for me, urging me to come to her, I can’t stop myself from doing just that. Sliding off my boxers as I climb up her body, I settle in between her thighs, my face hovering just inches above hers. “I want you inside of me. Now.” She wraps her legs around my ass, pushing me forward. Without even a second thought I slide past her wet folds, pushing my rock-hard erection deep inside her. “Fuuuuuuck,” I groan, the feeling of her so tight around me is almost more than I can bear. It takes everything in me to fight off the release that has been choking me for what feels like hours. Pulling my face down to hers, the moment her soft lips meet mine, and she tastes herself, I slip away. No longer part of this reality, I pump in and out of her so frantically, I feel like a teenager having sex for the first time. The pleasure simply overtakes me, and I just can’t seem to find my control. I fuck her. Hard. So hard that by the time another orgasm rips through her just minutes later, I have forced her body from the bottom of the mattress all the way to the top. I don’t stop. I thrust into her with everything I have until my own orgasm takes me over, and I have spilled every ounce of my release inside of her. Collapsing down on top of her moments later, I’m breathless, spent, and the happiest mother fucker in the whole Goddamn world. Nuzzling my face into her hair, I drop my lips to her neck where her pulse is pounding violently against her soft skin. “Holy crap, that was even better than I remember.” She laughs. The action sends vibrations around my cock that’s still buried deep inside of her. “Well, the last time you were a virgin, and I had just started honing my craft,” I tease, pulling back to kiss the tip of her nose. “That was...” she starts, but I silence her with a kiss.

“Don’t say anything yet. I’m nowhere near done with you,” I promise, sliding my tongue back into her mouth. **** I wake with a start, the heavy pounding on my door pulling me from the best fucking sleep I’ve had in a long ass time. I turn my head to the side, smiling when the sight of Charlie sleeping peacefully next to me is the first thing I see when I open my eyes. Her hair is spread out behind her. Her soft pink lips parted slightly. My God, she’s so fucking beautiful. “Paxton, answer the fucking door.” I’m quickly reminded of the knocking that stirred me awake. I shoot up, look down at Charlie who slightly stirs, and then to the door where Gavin’s voice once again sounds. “Pax. Fuck, dude. Come on.” He beats harder, this time waking Charlie who immediately hits me with wide eyes when she realizes what’s going on. “Shit.” She starts to panic, flying out of the bed in search of her dress which she quickly locates at the foot of the bed. “Shit, shit, shit,” she chants. “I can’t find my underwear.” The flushed look on her face and thick mess of hair that falls around it is enough to pull a smile from me, even in the current situation we’re in. “Don’t fucking smile at me, Paxton. Help me,” She pleads on a whisper, clearly freaking out. “Hey.” She jumps when I appear next to her, placing my hand gently on her shoulder. “Relax. Breathe,” I coach her, kissing her forehead when she gives me a defeated smile. “Paxton.” Gavin once again reminds me that a simple hotel door is all the separates him from Charlie and me. “Yeah, yeah,” I call back. “Give me a fucking second to put some clothes on.” I turn back to Charlie just as she slides her dress on. “What do I do?” She looks like she is seconds away from crying as she continues to search the bed for her thong. “It’s fine. He’s not going to come in and search the room. Go lock yourself in the bathroom and don’t come out until I give you the all clear.” “Okay.” She nods, quickly grabbing her purse off the nightstand as she follows my instructions. The moment she disappears into the bathroom, I do a quick scan of the room before heading toward the door. “What the fuck, dude?” I grumble as Gavin bursts inside the room the second I pull the door open, concern evident in his features. “Have you seen Charlie?” he immediately asks. Boom. Just like that, I feel like someone has just punched me in the stomach. “No. Why?” I do my best to keep my shit together and not give anything away. “Angel said she went down to the casino last night around one, but when I stopped by their room this morning to see if she wanted me to bring her up some breakfast, she wasn’t there.” “Maybe she went down to get her own breakfast,” I suggest, trying to fight the overwhelming guilt I feel. Lying to Gavin right now is probably one of the hardest things I’ve done. It guts me to see how clearly concerned he is, knowing that Charlie is hiding behind a door just a few feet from where he’s standing. “I thought so too, but Angel doesn’t think she came back at all.” “Yeah but you don’t know that for sure. Maybe she slipped in when Angel was sleeping, and she was just too far gone to notice.”

“But this is fucking Charlie we’re talking about,” he snaps. “Sleep til fucking noon every day Charlie. You really think she got up before everyone else and left without telling anyone?” “I’m just saying, dude, don’t freak out until you know for sure. Give me a second to get dressed, and I’ll go look with you.” “No.” He shakes his head, pulling open the door and stepping back into the hallway. “Angel, Harlee, and Kimber are already downstairs with Deck. I will go look around. You stay here in case she shows up.” “Okay, man, will do,” I agree, watching him take off down the hallway toward the elevator before letting the door close. Charlie steps out of the bathroom without waiting for me to signal the all clear, her hair now tied in a messy bun on top of her head. “The one fucking time I need him not to come to my room, he does.” She throws her hands up in defeat. “What do I do?” “They’re all downstairs right now. I’ll check the hall and make sure you’re clear. Slip into your room, change so it doesn’t look like you slept in last night’s clothes, and when everyone comes back up and sees you are alive and well, just tell them you went down to get something to eat early because you woke up fighting off a mild hangover.” “Okay. I can do that.” She gives me a nervous smile before pointing toward the door. Cracking it open, I stick my head out and look both ways, pulling the door the rest of the way open when I see the hall is completely empty. “You’re good.” I signal, reaching out to grab her forearm just as she passes me. She stops abruptly and hits me with a soft gaze. “I don’t regret it. Even with all this.” I smile, laying a kiss on her lips before releasing her arm. She gives me a heart-stopping smile and then quickly takes off down the hallway, slipping inside her hotel room just a few doors down in a matter of seconds. Letting the door go, I press my back to it seconds after it latches closed. Running my hands through my hair, I let out a long, slow exhale, unable to fight the smile that pulls at my mouth. No matter how bad I feel about lying to Gavin, nothing, and I mean nothing, could possibly taint the happiness fucking sprinting through my veins right now. Fuck me. This girl has me good. I am so fucked...

Chapter Eight Charlie Slipping into my room, I make quick work of changing into a tank top and yoga pants before heading into the bathroom to brush my teeth. My heart is pounding a thousand beats a minute as I splash my face with water, trying to wash away any evidence of where I spent last night. Wiping my face dry with a hand towel, I catch sight of my wide eyes and flushed cheeks in the mirror and immediately start laughing. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so incredibly happy-giddy this morning, or if everything is just now catching up with me and all I can do is laugh about it. Exiting the bathroom, I crawl up my bed and collapse down onto the pile of pillows that line the top. I close my eyes and let out a deep sigh, only able to give myself seconds to bathe in the afterglow of my night with Paxton before the door flies open. “Where the hell have you been?” I roll onto my back to see my clearly too protective brother hovering just at the end of the bed. “What do you mean?” I play stupid because I’m not supposed to have any idea he’s been looking for me. “This morning, Charlie. Last night.” His irritation is evident in his tone. “Um, not that it’s any of your business, but I went down and played the slots for a couple hours last night.” “So where were you this morning then?” His eyes narrow on my face, daring me to lie. I know that look all too well. “Getting something to eat.” I give him the most annoyed look I can muster. “I woke up with a small hangover and needed something on my stomach.” “Fuck, you had me worried sick.” He instantly relaxes, his shoulders sagging forward slightly. “You need to get a grip.” I shake my head. “Well fuck, Char; I didn’t know where the hell you were. What would you like me to do?” “I don’t know; trust that I’m old enough to take care of myself.” I roll my eyes, pushing into a sitting position. “I do trust you.” His words cause the lingering guilt to resurface full force. “It’s other people I don’t trust. We’re in Vegas, Char. I just need to know where you are so I know someone hasn’t snatched you up and dropped your dead body somewhere in the desert.” “Seriously?” I roll my eyes again, unable to stop myself. Leave it to my big brother to assume that I’ve been killed and dumped because I wasn’t in my room when he thought I should be. “Don’t fucking look at me like that. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe.” He crosses his arms in front of his chest. “No.” I shake my head, mirroring the arm-crossing stance. “It’s your job to realize that I’m old enough to take care of myself and live your own damn life. I survived just fine on my own in New York. I think I can manage.”

“But now you’re here, and if you think for even one second that I’m gonna drag you all the way to Vegas with us and then not make sure you’re safe, then you don’t know me very well at all. Look”—he pauses, dropping his arms and letting out a slow exhale—“I’m not trying to be some crazy, overprotective big brother. I get that you’re all grown up now, Char, I do. But you’re still my sister, and the need to protect you will never go away completely. Just make sure next time you decide to disappear that you shoot me a text or something first, just so I know you’re good.” “Okay,” I groan, flopping back down onto my back. “Now will you leave me alone and let me try to get a little more sleep.” “Fine. But don’t forget you’ve gotta be up and ready to go in about four hours.” “Yeah, yeah.” I roll into the pillows, throwing my hand in the air to wave him off. I hear another deep exhale before the door to the hotel room opens and then latches closed just seconds later. I didn’t actually intend to go back to sleep, but the moment my eyes close and the silence of the room engulfs me, I feel myself slipping away. Visions of last night flood my mind as I teeter on the cusp of awake and asleep. Paxton. The way he touched me. The way he kissed me. The way he made love to me over and over again until neither of our bodies had the strength to go on. I can see his face, his eyes, his smile. The way he held me close to his chest, whispering how beautiful I am, how good I felt in his arms, how he was never going to let me go again. I fell asleep to the sound of his voice, and even now I’m not sure if I’ve actually woken from the dream. Certainly, this can’t be real. There’s no way Paxton is finally mine. But even as I slip into unconsciousness I know it is. I can feel it. I can feel him. And I know that no matter what happens next I can handle it, as long as I have him by my side. **** “You ready?” I smile at Kimber, fixing the sparkling tiara headpiece that sits on top of her head holding her veil in place. “I think so.” She lets out a shaking breath and gives me a nervous smile. “Relax.” I take her hands in mine; feeling more optimistic this afternoon than ever have before. “You’re marrying an incredible man,” I reassure her. “He’s part of my family, and now so are you.” Her eyes flood with unshed tears for the hundredth time in the last hour. “Thank you.” She squeezes my hands before pulling me into a hug. “Enough with all the mushy stuff.” Angel reappears through the door that leads out into the chapel. “You ruin your makeup, and you’re on your own,” she playfully warns, wagging her finger at Kimber who releases me and steps back. “They’re ready.” Angel stops directly in front of us, smiling widely at Kimber. “Where’s Harlee?” Kimber looks around, shaking her head the moment Harlee stumbles through the door looking rather flustered. Her royal blue halter dress, which matches mine and Angel’s, is cocked slightly to the side, and her entire face is flushed crimson. “Really?” Kimber laughs. “You couldn’t have waited until after I got married,” she teases, clearly knowing that Harlee was out doing God knows what with my brother. “Gross. Can we not?” I tease, reminding them all that the last thing I want to think about is my brother’s sexcapades. “Sorry girl.” Harlee winks at me. “Your brother...” She raises her eyebrows up and down suggestively.

“No!” I press my fingers into my ears, shaking my head back and forth. “Okay. Okay.” Harlee holds up her hands on a laugh. “Stop harassing the poor girl,” Kimber scolds playfully. “Now someone get me out there before I puke.” “You’re not going to puke.” Harlee steps around Kimber and straightens the back of her knee-length, white lace dress, making sure everything is perfect. She looks incredible, of course. The dress is elegant enough to highlight Kimber’s beauty, but casual enough to fit into the Vegas eloping wedding theme. She left her hair down, with soft curls falling over her shoulders and around her face. Her tiara veil and natural makeup pull the whole look together perfectly. She really is the definition of beautiful. “Okay, ladies. Let’s do this.” Harlee beams at Angel and then to me, ushering Kimber toward the door. I’m so nervous-excited I can barely stand it. On one hand, I’m so happy for Decklan and Kimber. On the other, I’m extremely anxious to see Paxton for the first time since this morning. All afternoon the tension has been growing. The doubt has crept in and lodged itself deep inside my core. The moment the double doors open I spot Decklan standing directly at the end of the aisle. He looks amazing dressed in an all black suit, but in true Decklan style he’s left out the tie and his jacket is open. His normal unruly hair is combed back, and a wide smile is spread across his entire face. He looks like the happiest man on the planet. The thought alone is enough to cause my heart to swell in my chest. Gavin is standing directly next to him. He’s also dressed in a black suit; only unlike Decklan he’s wearing a royal blue tie that matches our dresses. I spot Paxton next, standing just to the right of the two guys, wearing the same suit as Gavin, with a guitar slung over his shoulder. At that moment everything else seems to melt away. I watch his eyes narrow in on my face, and he gives me the sweetest smile before his focus shifts to the guitar. Pulling it around to his front, before I can even step fully into the room, his fingers are working magically across the strings. It’s hard to keep my eyes off of him as I make my way down the aisle, his incredible voice filling the space as he sings Marry Me by Train. I know it’s completely ridiculous and premature, but in some weird way, I feel like he’s singing it directly to me. I’m enamored by his talent, by the way his words wash over me, by the way the sound of his voice causes my skin to prickle as I make my way closer toward him. Paxton is sexy enough all on his own. Strap a guitar on him and let him sing, and he will melt the panties off even the most committed of women. His talent is incredible. His sex appeal undeniable. He really is the epitome of a hot musician. Even knowing him as long as I have and hearing him play several times over the years, the sound of his voice still makes me weak in the knees. I take my place on the opposite side of the boys. By the time Angel steps up next to me, I'm already fighting off the tears I feel welling in my eyes. Paxton singing this song only intensifies the emotions taking me over. Harlee comes next, winking at Gavin as she slides in next to Angel and turns her attention to the back of the room. After a few long seconds, the doors open and Kimber finally appears. Her eyes instantly lock on Decklan which pulls my gaze to him. I watch, for what has to be the first time ever, as a tear slides down his handsome face. In all the years I’ve known Decklan, I can’t ever remember a time where I’ve seen him openly display such emotion. Looking back at Kimber, I see that she is also crying, doing her best to keep her steps controlled when it’s clear all she wants to do is run to him and throw herself into his arms. She finally joins Decklan at the front of the room just as Paxton finishes his song. He slides the guitar off and sets it to the side before stepping up next to Gavin.

The remainder of the ceremony goes by in a blur. One second their exchanging vows, the next Decklan is kissing the bride. The whole ordeal takes all of five minutes, and when it’s all said and done, they are announced as Mr. and Mrs. Decklan Taylor. We exit the chapel in a flurry of hugs and laughter, everyone so happy for the newlyweds that it’s hard to contain the excitement floating around the group. Before I know it, Decklan and Kimber are hugging us all goodbye and climbing into the backseat of a car that will take them to the airport. Kimber doesn’t know it yet, but they will be on a flight to St. John is less than two hours’ time. Taking one last look back at the small chapel that is now part of our history, I smile, for the first time in a very long time feeling like maybe, just maybe, everything will work out for me after all. “Char, come on.” Gavin pulls my attention to where he’s standing next to the rental car, the door held open for me. “Coming.” I quickly spin around and slide into the backseat next to Harlee and Angel. My heart explodes in my chest when I meet Paxton’s eyes in the rearview mirror just as I settle in behind the driver’s seat. He holds my gaze for a fraction of a second before winking and then turning his attention forward. I know it’s just a wink. Just a small stolen glance. But that one look is enough to reassure me. It’s Paxton’s subtle way of telling me that things haven’t changed since this morning. An entirely new onset of happiness floods through me, and I turn to look out the window just as a smile takes over my face. This has been an absolutely perfect day. Between the wedding, hearing Paxton play that beautiful song, seeing everyone so happy, and finally having hope of a future with the man I have loved since I was a child; I feel like nothing can damper my spirits. For the first in my life, I feel like the future I’ve always wanted is in my grasp... All I have to do is reach out and take it.

Chapter Nine Paxton Charlie curls onto her side, nuzzling her face into my neck as she fights off sleep. “I just want to stay here forever.” She kisses the base of my throat. “Me too,” I admit, dreading the trip home later today more than I thought I would. It’s been so incredible having Charlie in my arms these past two nights. I can’t imagine not being able to experience this anytime I want. Unfortunately, Charlie is staying at her mom’s while she finishes school, and I’m currently crashing in Gavin’s spare room since moving back from California. It’s not like we can easily stay at either place together without raising some serious red flags. And while I have no intention of giving Charlie up anytime soon, I’m definitely not ready to make anything between us public just yet. Honestly, the thought of telling Gavin terrifies the shit out of me. Not because I’m afraid of him or anything, I’m more just afraid of what it will do to our relationship. Gavin is not just Charlie’s brother; he’s mine. And while a part of me thinks maybe he will be okay with the fact that I’ve fallen for his sister, the other part of me knows that he won’t take my lying to him and keeping this secret very lightly. He will see it as a betrayal, and that’s exactly what it is. I’m betraying his trust. I’m lying straight to his face. And at the current moment, I have his sister secretly hidden in my hotel room. I have to get my shit straight, get my own place, and then figure out how the hell I want to address this situation. In the meantime, whatever happens between Charlie and me has to stay firmly between the two of us. Charlie’s breathing changes, evening out to a slow, steady pattern of inhales and exhales as she finally drifts off to sleep in my arms. I kiss the side of her head, wishing that things could be different for us. I want nothing more than to show this girl how much she means to me. I want to scream it from the rooftops and make sure every single fucking person on this planet knows who she belongs to. Having her finally in my arms after all this time and not being able to publicly stake my claim on her is a fuck of a lot harder than I thought it would be. Trailing my fingertips lightly up and down her bare arm, I stare down at her beautiful face as she sleeps. Fuck, the things I’m risking for this girl. Gavin and Deck are the only solids in my life; the two constants that have never changed throughout all of my family drama and bullshit. The fact that I’m lying to them both goes against every instinct I have. Those two took me into their little group and embraced me into their family without a second thought. I was thirteen at the time. A pissed off rebellious teenager who’s mom shipped him off to live with his dad because she couldn’t handle him. I was all sorts of fucked up. And I was alone. But then again, I guess in a way so were they. After Decklan’s brother died. the bond between us became unbreakable. We held each other up when we couldn’t find the strength to support ourselves. Then Gavin’s father passed. That was hard. Tim Porter was a great man. I’m just thankful that Charlie didn’t come home for the funeral. It was hard enough seeing Gavin and Rosie in such pain. Seeing Charlie mourn him would have been more than I could bear.

Next came my mother’s illness. Things never really got any easier between my mom and me as the years passed. It wasn’t until my father remarried and moved to Texas, just after my nineteenth birthday, that I finally decided it was time. It was a slow process. The years of absence had driven a wedge between us that I was certain I would never be able to overcome. That is until she got sick. Moving back to California at the age of twenty-two to take care of a woman who I barely knew wasn’t easy, but I couldn’t just let her suffer alone. For months I did what I could to rebuild our relationship as I watched her wither away. Each day the light in her eyes would grow dimmer until some days she would barely even open them at all. It seemed so unfair. I lost my mom years ago, only to find her again when her days left on this earth were numbered. When she finally passed just over a year ago, something in me shifted. I haven’t been the same since. I spent nearly six months in California after she passed waiting on the house to sell. It felt weird handing it over to someone else, someone who didn’t understand the history or the woman who had called it home for so many years, but it also felt good to let it all go finally. When I returned to Oregon just a few months ago, I took the first real breath I had taken in years. Something was missing while I was in California. It was apparent almost instantly upon returning that what I was missing was my family. My brothers. My best friends. I let out a deep exhale, resting my chin on the top of Charlie’s head as I tighten my hold on her. For the first time since my mother passed, I feel like I have something to look forward to. I’ve spent so long punishing myself for the wall I put between us during my teen years that I’ve felt too guilty to build a future with the inheritance she left me. Being my mother’s only child, I got everything. Not that I ever cared about any of that. But now I think I’m finally ready to use some of it. I can’t think of a better way to spend my mother’s life savings than by building a life of my own with it. A life I fully intend to spend with the girl currently sleeping peacefully in my arms. With that thought still lingering in front of my mind, I close my eyes and finally feel sleep threatening to take me under. A calm washes over me as my mind fogs; peace I didn’t ever think I would find. Peace that I knew only Charlie could give me. It’s her. It’s always been her. The light at the end of a very dark tunnel. The one thing I knew eventually I wouldn’t be able to live without. It took me years to finally get here, but fuck me if I’m ever letting her go again. **** It’s been two weeks since we returned home from Vegas. Two torturous weeks where I’ve only gotten to see Charlie a handful of times, and it’s fucking killing me. I feel like a fucking teenager again, having to sneak around and keep my life hidden from those around me. I hate it. I hate every single moment of it, but I know this is just how things have to be for now. The moment we returned home I started looking for my own place. It took me only a few days before I settled on leasing a condo in the same building as Gavin’s. It’s not ideal to live in the same building given my current situation, but it’s the best I could find given the short window of time I allotted myself. It’s not my forever home, but it will do for now. I plan to buy that home with Charlie when the time is right. There I go again, getting ahead of myself. It’s hard to not fucking start planning my future when I feel like I finally have exactly what I’ve always wanted.

“Hey. I took the two boxes in the living room down. Anything else I can grab?” Gavin leans against the doorframe of the bedroom, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “No, I just have this and I’m set.” I gesture to my guitar and two duffel bags laying on the bed. “You seriously didn’t have to move out so quickly, dude. There was no rush,” he reassures me for the hundredth time, clearly assuming I’m leaving to give him and Harlee more space. Even though she’s attending school nearly two hours away, she practically lives with Gavin now. But little does he know, my decision has very little to do with him and Harlee. “I know.” I flop down next to my stuff on the mattress. “But it’s time. I can’t live in your spare room for the rest of my life.” “I think I’m gonna miss having you around,” he admits. “Well lucky for you I’m not going far.” I laugh. Considering my unit is directly two floors below his, I think it’s safe to say we will still see plenty of each other. “True.” He nods, moving inside the room to grab one of the duffels off the bed. “Come on. I’ll help you run the last of this down.” “Thanks, man.” I grab the remaining bag and my guitar case before following him out of the room. “Deck said you’re dropping down to only one night a week at the bar,” Gavin questions as we climb onto the elevator. “Yeah. I’ve been shopping around downtown, and I think I’ve finally found the right spot to open up the music shop. It’s prime location, just the right amount of space, and what’s even better, they are selling the building instead of leasing it.” “Wow man, that’s fucking awesome.” Gavin follows me into the hallway. “I can’t believe you’re finally making a go of it.” “You and me both,” I agree, pushing my way inside my condo. “I’m just ready to stop talking about it and make it fucking happen.” I drop my bag and guitar onto the new leather couch that was delivered earlier today. “Do you think it’s possible?” I pause, turning to face Gavin. “What?” He seems genuinely confused by my question. “That we all might actually get what we want,” I clarify. “Yeah. I do.” He shrugs, sliding the bag off his shoulder before setting it on the floor. “Fuck. It all just seemed like a pipe dream back in the day. You, me, Deck. Bunch of stupid fucking teenagers smoking pot and bullshitting about owning our own businesses. Now here we are. You and Deck have the bar, and I’m finally pursuing the music store I’ve always wanted to own. Who would have thought?” “It’s fucking crazy, dude. All of it.” “And now Decklan’s married.” I shake my head, still unable to fully process it even though I was there when it happened. “Fuck, dude, I know. I never thought I’d see the day.” “I never thought I’d see you tied down either,” I point out. “Just goes to show how much people can change.” “Or how much impact the right people can have on a person’s life.” He smiles. “Speaking of my old ball and chain, she should be here anytime. I should probably head back up. You need anything before I go?” “Nah, I’m good. Tell Harlee I said hello.” “Will do. Give me about twenty minutes, and I will be fucking her in your old room. You know, sort of a going away send off.” “How thoughtful of you,” I quip, shaking my head.

“Later, man.” He laughs, slipping out into the hallway with a wide smile spread across his face. “Fucking ass.” I chuckle to myself, still shaking my head well after the door latches closed behind him. Collapsing down onto my new couch, I prop my feet up on the rectangle glass coffee table sitting directly in front of it. Pulling my cell out of my pocket, I pull up Charlie’s name and open a new text box. Me: He’s gone. Harlee’s on her way over, so he should be occupied for the night. I click send, leaning my head back to look around the space. It’s a pretty nice condo. Nearly identical to Gavin’s but with one less bedroom. I can already tell how weird it’s going to be living alone. Hell, I haven’t lived alone since I moved back to California over three years ago. I’m not really sure how to act. I jump slightly when my phone buzzes against my leg. I look down just in time to see Charlie’s name light up across the screen. Charlie: I’m already on my way. Be there in less than an hour. Had to stop and get gas. I can’t fight the smile that pulls at my mouth. I’ve been waiting days to have some alone time with Charlie. It makes me happy to know she’s just as eager as I am. Charlie: Don’t start the celebration without me. Her next text causes me to laugh out loud. Me: I wouldn’t dream of it. Be safe. I’ll see you soon. Her response is instant. Charlie: Yeah you will ;) I lock my phone and toss it onto the couch next to me before pushing into a stand. Deciding I can unpack later, I head down the hall toward the bathroom. Ducking inside, I turn the water on and crank the temperature up. I’ve always taken extremely hot showers. There’s something refreshing about the way the liquid causes my skin to burn. Stepping inside, I let the water roll over my shoulders as I let out a deep exhale, so relieved to have the stress of the move over with. Finally, I can focus on Charlie and all the things I want to do to that tight little body of hers. Just the thought causes my groin to tighten. Fuck me. Charlie can’t get here quick enough.

Chapter Ten Charlie “I finally enrolled in school today.” I trace my fingers along Paxton’s defined ab muscles, my head resting on his chest. “Oh yeah.” I can feel him look down at me, but I make no attempt to move from my current position. “Yeah. Only took me how long?” I sigh, not at all looking forward to going back. “You deserved to have a break. You don’t have that long left anyway, do you?” he asks, his fingers tracing gently through my thick hair. “Three semesters,” I confirm. “Thank God.” “I thought you liked school?” “I did at first. I don’t know. I guess I just got burnt out.” “That happens.” He drops a kiss on the top of my head. “What’s your schedule look like?” “Worried you won’t see me?” I tease. “Fuck yeah, I am.” His statement causes me to look up, my gaze meeting the bright green of his eyes almost instantly. Shifting to the right, I roll my body onto his and settle on top of him, my face hovering just inches above his. “Paxton Stewart.” I lean forward, laying a gentle kiss to his lips before pulling back. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re starting to like me,” I tease. “I more than fucking like you.” His hands grip my hips tightly as he grinds his erection upward against my stomach. “I crave you,” he whispers, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. “Well, you don’t have anything to worry about.” I pull back, trying not to get distracted by his advances. As much as I want to lose myself to his touch once again, I’m not sure my body could take it right now. Spending the entire night in the arms of a man like Paxton will really push a girl to her limits. In a good way, of course. “I was able to squeeze all of my classes into three days a week. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Which means...” “Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday you are all mine,” he interrupts, seconds later nipping at the base of throat gently with his teeth. “How about you get Wednesday and Sunday? I have a social life to maintain, you know,” I tease, trying to keep my breathing even as he trails kisses down my neck. “How about no,” he growls. “How about yes,” I playfully argue. Paxton shifts under my weight, moving so quickly that by the time I even register his movements, my body is already pinned beneath him. Caging my hands in his, he pins my arms above my head. “How about I just keep you locked up here and never let you leave,” he pants, grazing his lips lightly against mine.

“That I think I can live with.” I give him a wide grin when he pulls back and hits me with excited eyes. “Fuck yes.” His smile widens as he speaks, just seconds before his lips are on mine again. This time, the playful nature is gone. He kisses me deeply, his tongue colliding with mine with so much need that I all but melt beneath him. Paxton has a way of commanding my body, of owning it. When in his hands it’s no longer mine to control, but his. I thought my body was too sore for another round, but as he slides inside my damp folds, the only place I want him to be is deep inside me. Feeling my need already mounting, he wastes no time entering me on one hard thrust. The intensity of being filled by him so suddenly causes me to cry out, the sound of my voice that of a complete stranger. He pulls something carnal out of me, something wild, and I love every second of it. Unlike his normal approach to me, this time, he’s anything but gentle; thrusting in and out of me so hard that our bodies smack together, the sound echoing off the walls around us. My body teeters between pain and pleasure, the combination leaving me feeling almost dizzy. I’m drunk on Paxton. Intoxicated by his beauty, his smell, the way his body feels against me. Digging my nails into his back, I tighten my grip as I feel my hold slipping. The pleasure coursing through me is enough to leave me disoriented and desperate. I grind against him, the feeling of him tight against my walls only dragging me closer and closer upward with each pull until finally, I can’t hold on any longer. Within seconds I explode around him, biting down on his shoulder in an attempt to muffle my cries. My body quakes, pulsing in a steady rhythm as I tremble in his arms. This seems to tear away what little control he has left. Pulling out, Paxton flips me in one quick movement and then drives into me from behind. He goes so deep I swear I can feel him in my stomach, but that doesn’t stop me from pushing backward and meeting him thrust for thrust. Within seconds he loses the battle against himself, his fingers digging into my hips so tightly I know I’ll bruise as he spills his release inside of me. He slows his movements, dragging two more slow pulls inside my body before finally stilling. Collapsing down onto my back, he buries his head into the crook of my neck as he fights to catch his breath. “Fuck me, Charlie.” He sucks in a ragged inhale. “I just can’t seem to get enough of you.” His words instantly bring a smile to my face. “Well then, apparently I’m doing something right.” I try to come across as nonchalant as possible, but on the inside my inner self is screaming and doing back flips. “You’re doing everything right, Charlie.” He pulls out, rolling me onto my back before settling in between my thighs. The second the intense green of his eyes hits mine it makes it hard for me to breathe. “Every fucking single thing is right.” He pauses, his face hovering just inches above mine. “I hope you know there’s no fucking way I’m ever letting you go.” His matter of fact statement sends my already raging heart galloping against my ribcage so hard it’s a wonder that it doesn’t beat straight out of my chest. My God, this man has got me. I mean, hook, line, and sinker; I’m buying every word he’s selling. I just hope he actually means it. I’m not sure my heart can take losing Paxton for a second time. Not after this. Not after everything. “I’m gonna hold you to that,” I get out weakly. “Good.” His eyes sparkle as he leans forward and presses his lips to mine. “Cause I mean every word.” He breathes against my mouth before sealing his promise with a kiss so deep; I swear I can feel the effects all the way to my toes.

**** “God, how did I forget how demanding this is?” I drop my laptop and dump my bag out onto the kitchen table, staring at the mountain of books, pens. and papers that come tumbling out. “It’s your first week back.” I hear my mother’s voice just seconds before her gentle hand comes down onto my shoulder. “It’s just gonna take some time to get back into the swing of things.” “Easy for you to say,” I huff. “You’re not the one that has two days’ worth of homework to complete before ten a.m.” “And whose fault is that?” She nudges her hip against mine before sauntering off toward the stove to stir whatever it is she’s cooking today. I swear my mom cooks like she still has a house full of growing children. Even though most nights it’s only her and me, she still prepares a full-course meal. “Well, I can’t help it. I’ve been busy.” I shuffle through the mess of papers and books scattered in front of me. “Maybe you should tell Paxton you need a little more time to focus on your studies.” Her words cause my entire body to seize in panic, and I flip my wide gaze up to her face to find her studying me with a knowing smirk. “You think I didn’t know?” Her smile widens. “Mom. I...” I immediately move to deny it, but she cuts me off. “You don’t have to lie to me, honey. Besides, I think it’s great.” “You do?” The words fall from my mouth without a second thought. “Of course, I do. Paxton is a part of this family. I’ve seen firsthand the kindness of that boy’s heart. He may try to shelter it from the rest of the world, but I can see it clearly. And it’s even clearer that he’s been quite taken with you for some years now.” “How did you know?” I stutter out, so dumbfounded that I can’t even seem to wrap my head around the fact that I’m actually talking to another living person about Paxton. I didn’t know if a day like today would ever come. A day where I could just say yes. Yes, I’m with him. Yes, I want him. Yes, I love him. Even now I feel the overwhelming need to lie, though I can tell by my mother’s expression that it would do me no good. She doesn’t need me to confirm anything. Somehow, she already seems to know. And what’s even crazier, she seems to understand. “Anyone who cares enough to look can see it. The way that boy looks at you, it reminds me of how your father used to look at me. I know love when I see it.” She crosses the kitchen toward me, pulling out the chair next to me before taking a seat. I numbly slide down into my own chair, unable to tear my gaze away from my mom’s face. “I don’t know if I would go that far.” I shake my head, unable to believe that Paxton’s feelings for me are anywhere even remotely close to that of my mom and dad’s. “I would,” she states matter of fact. “And the way you’ve been skipping around here since you returned from Vegas, I’d say you’re starting to see it too.” “Gavin?” I choke out, for the first time genuinely fearful that my brother may know more than I originally thought. “Oh please.” She swipes her hand through the air. “Your brother can’t see two feet in front of himself. I doubt he has even the slightest inkling that something is going on.” “You’re not going to tell him?” “Of course not.” She shakes her head. I don’t know why this surprises me, but it does. “Mom—I...”

“It’s okay. I really don’t need the details.” She shakes her head on a laugh. “I just wanted you to know that if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.” “Thank you.” I can feel the tears welling in my eyes, and instantly my mother’s hand comes down on mine. “What is it?” Her tone is soft, her eyes understanding. “Nothing. It just feels so good to have someone know the truth.” I swipe at a tear that trickles down my cheek. “I understand.” She wraps her fingers around mine. “It can’t be easy keeping your life hidden from those closest to you. I don’t agree with lying or keeping secrets; you know that, but you two deserve a chance to figure this all out without the stress of your brother trying to interfere.” “I’m afraid that I’m making a huge mistake. Not only am I risking my relationship with Gavin, but I’m risking Paxton’s as well. I don’t know what he’d do if he lost Gavin, and deep down I just know Gavin will never support this.” I finally vocalize my fear out loud. “That’s not true.” My mom immediately cuts me off. “While yes, he may be upset about the fact that the two of you are lying to him, at the end of the day I truly believe all your brother wants is for you to be happy. Does Paxton make you happy?” “He does.” “Then that’s all that matters. All the other stuff will just work itself out.” “How can you be so calm about all this?” I question, feeling like she should be so much more upset about this whole situation than she is. “Because I’ve lived. I know that love, true love, only comes around once, maybe twice in a lifetime. I would never stand in the way of you finding that for yourself. You deserve to be happy, Char. And so does Paxton. Keep it a secret, scream it to the world, it makes no difference to me. You’re my child. All I want for you is to be happy.” “Thank you, Mom.” I push out of my chair, wrapping my arms around her neck the second she stands in front of me. “Truly. Thank you.” I squeeze her tightly before finally letting her go. “I’m always here for you, my sweet girl.” She pats my cheek and gives me a sweet smile. “I’ll let you get some homework done. Dinner will be ready in about an hour,” she says before stepping past me. Just like that, she’s gone, and I’m left to process the events that just took place. I didn’t expect it to feel so good just to admit what’s happening out loud. I feel like a massive weight has lifted and while I know the hardest parts are still to come, for the first time since I returned home I actually feel like everything just might work out okay for me. Feeling like I can conquer the world, I smile to myself as I slide back down into my seat and open my laptop. Clicking on the internet icon, my mind drifts to Paxton as I load my email and scroll through the contents, only half paying attention to the screen in front of me. I wonder how he would feel about my mom knowing. Would he be as relieved as I am, or would it cause him to worry that Gavin might also find out? I’m not sure that I have it in me to tell him just yet. My mind swirls around the possibility of what the future may hold for us. My brain is still floating around somewhere out in la-la land when a certain email catches my eye, and everything seems to come to a screeching halt. My pulse instantly quickens at the sight of Drew’s name, and my hand visibly shakes as I click on subject line What you left behind. I swallow down the tight knot in my throat as a slew of pictures load in front of me. One after another they come. They are all of me, naked and exposed. My face is turned away so you can’t tell if I’m aware of the pictures being taken or not, but I know with complete certainty that I was asleep. There’s no way I would forget something like this. As if he didn’t torture me enough while we were together. Now to find out he did this, I just can’t even seem to process it. Somehow all the times he hit me, degraded me, verbally abused me, it all seems small

in comparison to the absolute violation I feel knowing he did this to me while I was sleeping. In the body of the email, there is just one sentence. This still belongs to me.

Chapter Eleven Charlie “You okay?” Paxton’s gentle voice snags my attention, and I turn away from the window just in time to watch him set two plates on the coffee table behind me. “Yeah. I’m good.” I give him a small smile, crossing the space of the living room to join him on the couch. Pulling my feet underneath myself, I reach for the plate that Paxton extends to me. I smile when I see that he put pickles on my grilled cheese sandwich rather than next to it. Even after all this time apart, he still knows exactly what I like. “This looks amazing. Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” He slides back, resting his plate on top of his thighs as he scrolls through the cable guide, trying to find something to watch. It’s strange really, spending such a normal afternoon with Paxton. Behind the walls of his condo, it’s like we are just a normal couple enjoying a lazy Saturday in front of the television. There is no stress. No worry of the outside world. There is no Gavin or Drew. The weight of everything I carry with me just seems to float away in moments like these. I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t been somewhat focused on Drew’s email since receiving it two days ago, but being with Paxton just makes it all seem less important somehow, like nothing can touch me in our little bubble. I didn’t tell him about the email, of course. I’ve accepted that there is very little I can do about it anyway. At least not without exposing the truth of my situation to him, which is simply out of the question. I refuse to taint what Paxton and I have with the poison of my past. I can’t change it, but I sure as hell can pretend it never happened, which is essentially what I’ve been doing since hightailing it out of New York. I refuse to let a man like Drew define my life. I refuse to live in fear of a man I know can never hurt me again. He may still try, hence the email, but only I have the power to let him. My time in New York may be shadowed in black, but that doesn’t mean my future has to be. “Char.” I turn my face to see Paxton studying me curiously. “Where’d you go?” “Sorry.” I shake my head. “Just thinking about all the stuff I need to get done before next week. Returning to school has been a lot harder than I thought it would be,” I lie and instantly feel guilty for it. “I can help you, you know?” His boyish smile is enough to melt my heart right on the spot. “I mean, I’m not a scholar by any means, but I could help you study, quiz you, whatever you need.” “You’re sweet.” I lean toward him, kissing his jaw. “But I’ve got it under control. I just have to get my mind back in the swing of it all.” “Well, the offer stands.” “What did you ask me anyway?” I refocus on the fact that he clearly asked me a question and then said my name when he realized I wasn’t paying attention. “Oh, nothing. I just wanted to make sure you were good with Grill Masters.” He points toward the television.

Following his line of sight, I realize he’s talking about the cooking show currently playing in front of us. “You know I’m a sucker for the Food Network.” I laugh, wrinkling my nose playfully at him. Just like that, we settle back into comfortable silence. The more time I spend with Paxton, the more I realize that there’s no pressure with him. He doesn’t need to hear me speak all the time. Nor does he need to be in my pants every five seconds. He’s content just existing together which honestly, I think is my favorite thing to do with him. Not that the sex isn’t blow your mind incredible, because let’s be real, it so is. But it’s in the quiet moments that I really get to appreciate all that Paxton is. I get to watch his forehead crinkle as one of the cooks on the show chops onions, which he hates. I get to witness that incredible smile when the person he’s rooting for wins. But more than anything, I just get to enjoy the calm he seems to instill inside me by just being near him. There is not another man out there like Paxton Stewart. I know without a doubt that I could search the world over and never find someone that lights me on fire the way he does. With just an innocent glance or a graze of his hand across my knee and my entire world shifts on its axis. He doesn’t have to try. He doesn’t have to pretend with me. He just simply has to exist. To share the same air, to inhabit the same space, to know without a doubt that my heart is exactly where it belongs... I think that’s all I’ll ever need. **** “Seriously, Char.” Gavin laughs, swiping a napkin across the bar table in an attempt to clean up my spilled drink. “Me? You’re the one who bumped into me,” I shout over the buzz of people around us, shoving his shoulder. He throws his head back on a laugh, shaking it back and forth. “Now you have to buy me another,” I demand, playfully stomping my foot like a spoiled child. “Well lucky for you I know the owner.” His cockiness is enough to make me want to slap my hand across the back of his head, but I refrain, simply sticking my tongue out at him as he walks away instead. “Could he be any more annoying,” I complain to Harlee who laughs and watches my brother from across the room with dreamy eyes. Guess that’s what I get for letting Paxton talk me into coming to Deviants tonight to watch him play. As much as seeing him on that stage drives me wild, I’m not sure if dealing with my love-struck brother and his new girlfriend is really worth it. Oh hell, who am I kidding? I can’t think of one damn thing that I wouldn’t endure to watch him on that stage. Paxton is sexy as sin all on his own. Strap a guitar in his hands and put a microphone in front of him and oh dear lord, he will melt the panties off a nun. “I know he’s your brother and all,” Harlee finally speaks after a few long moments of silence. “But my God.” She lets out a slow sigh and fans herself with her hand, her eyes focused away from me. I shake my head on a laugh, following her line of sight. I instantly spot Gavin weaving in and out of the massive crowd toward us. “On the house,” he announces, setting another Vodka and Sprite in front of me the moment he reaches us. “Are you sure the owners will be okay with you giving away stuff for free?” I ask sarcastically, clearly mocking his earlier statement. “Keep it up, and I’ll charge your ass from now on,” he warns playfully. “You would not,” I challenge, placing the straw between my teeth.

“Try me.” He laughs, turning his attention to Harlee just as my phone buzzes to life on top of the table. Snatching it up before Gavin can see who it’s from, I slide my finger across the screen and immediately feel all the color drain from my face. I don’t have the number saved in my contacts, but I immediately recognize it just the same. Drew: Did you get my pictures? I delete the message without responding. Within seconds another message sounds. Drew: That body still belongs to me. YOU are still MINE. Again I delete it, this time powering off my phone altogether. Grabbing the drink in front of me, I drain the contents in one long, hard chug, gasping seconds later as an ache runs through my forehead. “Brain freeze,” I explain to the two sets of curious eyes that turn toward me. “Slow down there, tiger. I’m not carrying your ass out of here later,” Gavin quips. “Don’t you have somewhere else you can be?” I mutter, pushing off of the stool before spinning toward the bar. “I’ll be right back,” I call over my shoulder, though I’m not entirely sure he heard me over the noise. I wait at the bar for all of thirty seconds before Matt, one of the part-time bartenders, is in front of me, a cheesy smile plastered on his face. “What can I get for ya, Char?” He addresses me like we’re old friends despite the fact that we were just introduced a few weeks ago and have basically never really spoken to each other. “Vodka and sprite,” I say, resisting the urge to order a shot of something really strong to accompany it. “Coming right up.” He spins, taking two more orders in the process of making my drink. I have no idea how people bartend. I would forget the drink I was making if even one person spoke to me, let alone having several people lining the bar throwing out orders. Matt seems completely at ease, sliding my drink in front of me with a little nod, before moving on to the next order. Having no desire to go back to the table and play third wheel to Gavin and Harlee, I decide to step out back and grab some fresh air. I pause at the door that leads to the office on my way out, for a brief moment considering popping in on Paxton before he goes on, but not wanting to draw any unwanted attention from Gavin I decide against it. The bouncer that sits at the back of the bar barely even acknowledges me as I step past him and push my way through the door. Even though you’re not permitted to take drinks outside, he doesn’t say one word about the drink in my hand. Being the sister of the owner kind of gives you a free pass to do whatever, which I have to admit does have its perks. The parking lot behind the bar is packed full, and several people are hanging out off to the side, smoking cigarettes and laughing annoyingly loud. Taking a deep breath, I pull my phone out of the back pocket of my skinny jeans and power it back on. The last thing I want to do is let Drew get inside my head, but pretending like this isn’t happening isn’t doing me any favors either. Clearly, he’s spent some time tracking me down, considering I changed my cell phone number and email address shortly after leaving New York. What is unclear is what he plans to accomplish by sending me these things. I breathe out a deep sigh of relief once my phone loads, and I see that no new text messages have been received. He’s just trying to mess with you, I reassure myself. If there’s one thing I learned about Drew in our nearly one year together, it’s that he’s a coward. It’s easy for him to bully a girl half his size when she lives right around the corner. I don’t see him coming all the way to Oregon to do it, though, which must be why he’s choosing to go this route. He wants me to be scared. He wants me to think he still has the power. Well, I’m calling his bluff.

I may have been stupid enough to stick with him when the abuse first started, buying the bullshit apologies and fake tears he fed me every time he hurt me. But I found my footing again, and I realized that I wasn’t the weak girl he tried to make me. Like being woken up from a fog, suddenly everything started to become clear again. That’s when I knew I had to leave New York. I knew that there was no way he would ever just let me walk away from him unscathed. He’s too proud to let that happen. But I also knew he wouldn’t chase me if I just up and left without giving him a chance to stop me. This is just his way of trying to get even with me for leaving the way I did. “Hey.” A voice sounds behind me causing me to jump slightly. “Sorry, did I scare you?” Paxton gives me an apologetic look when he realizes he startled me. “No, you’re good.” I shake my head. “What are you doing out here? I thought you’d be on stage by now.” “I saw you come outside.” He shrugs, backing me into the wall where we practically disappear into the darkness, before reaching out to cup my face. “I just needed to touch you for a second.” He latches his hand around the back of my neck and pulls my face toward him. “I hate hiding this.” He slowly sucks my bottom lip into his mouth. “Me too.” I shiver, despite the unseasonably warm night. “It’s fucking killing me,” he groans. “Tell me you’re coming home with me tonight.” He grinds his evident arousal into my lower belly. “I want to,” I pant, already so turned on that I can barely contain myself. “But I’ve been drinking.” I moan when he nips at my ear lobe, his lips skirting across my heated flesh. “Which means Gavin will insist I crash at his house.” My statement comes out breathy and broken. “Then I’ll leave my door unlocked.” He pulls back abruptly and gives me a wicked smile, stealing one last brief kiss before turning and quickly disappearing inside. It takes me several long moments to compose myself before I’m finally ready to go back in. By the time I make it back to the table, Gavin and Harlee are nowhere to be found, and honestly, I’m actually glad they’re not here. It gives me the opportunity to watch Paxton openly without the fear of what my face might give away. Paxton’s touch has all but erased any thought I have outside of getting to his condo tonight. That’s what he does to me. In just one look, he changes everything.

Chapter Twelve Charlie “Welcome back!” Harlee squeals before jumping out of her bar stool. She’s rounded the table and has Kimber in her arms before I’m even fully turned around. “What’s up, man?” Gavin pulls Decklan in for what can only be described as a ‘bro’ hug, giving him a tight clasp on the shoulder before releasing him. “I wasn’t sure you guys were gonna make it.” “You really didn’t need to get everyone together.” Deck shakes his head, reaching out to Paxton who gives him their customary twisted finger handshake. “You know Gavin.” Paxton laughs. “He’ll find any excuse he can to party.” “Not true,” Gavin interjects. “I’m a changed man now.” He drapes his arm around Harlee’s shoulder and pulls her into his side. “Don’t let him lie to you.” She swats at his stomach. “He really just wants to party.” She rolls her eyes. I can’t contain the laughter that bubbles out of me at the interaction. I think I just fell in love with that girl, in a purely sisterly way, of course. I’ve never seen anyone handle Gavin the way she does. It’s quite refreshing to see that he’s finally met his match. “Hey, sis.” Deck steps up in front of my stool, pulling me to my feet. “It’s good to see you.” He pulls me into his chest before dropping a kiss on the top of my head. “Been keeping all these assholes in line?” He laughs, releasing me. “As if that were ever possible.” I shake my head, turning my attention to Kimber. “How was the honeymoon?” I ask, giving her a brief hug before sliding back onto my stool. “Incredible!” she gushes, taking a seat on the stool next to me, her smile permanently attached to her face. “But I’m also glad to be home.” “Hey, babe.” Deck pulls Kimber’s attention to him as Harlee claims the stool to her right. “You want a drink?” He gestures to the bar. “Nothing too strong.” She gives him a sweet smile, watching him walk away with Paxton and Gavin before turning back to Harlee. “Where’s Angel?” “She’s on a date.” Harlee rolls her eyes. “Apparently she’s found another Mr. Right,” she says sarcastically. “I take it you disagree with her?” I chime in, just wanting to be a part of the conversation. “What you have to understand about Angel is, until Kimber met Decklan she had no interest in having a constant man in her life. But since all of this”—she gestures to Kimber and herself before pointing toward the guys who are huddled at the edge of the bar laughing—“I think she feels like she needs someone to fit in now.” “Maybe she just sees what you two have found and wants to find that for herself.” “And that’s great,” Harlee continues, “but that doesn’t mean she has to claim she’s found the one with every Tom, Dick, and Harry she meets. Hell, just two weeks ago she had staked her claim on Paxton. Had he not turned her down flat I dare say he’d be the man she’s claiming to love.”

I bite my tongue and ignore the ping of jealousy that bounces through me. Angel came on to Paxton? Paxton turned her down? I find comfort in knowing that even though he didn’t tell me this little interaction took place, at least he didn’t act on anything. That has to mean something, right? “I think it’s brave,” Kimber speaks up. “She’s willing to put herself out there in a way neither of us ever were.” “I guess.” Harlee lets out a deep exhale. “I just don’t wanna see her get hurt.” “Angel’s a big girl. If there is anyone that can take care of herself, it’s her. I think you have more to worry about with that one.” She gestures toward Gavin. “No offense.” She turns to me on a giggle. “No, none taken.” I hold up my hands. “I know my brother.” “On that topic, how is everything?” She turns her attention back to Harlee. “H.O.T.” She fans herself. “And on that note, I’m gonna head to the ladies.” I quickly stand, having no desire to hear about Harlee and Gavin’s H.O.T. relationship. “Hey, where are you going?” Gavin catches me just as I pass the bar. “Ladies.” I raise my voice over the noise, cocking my head toward the bathroom. “You need anything?” he asks, nodding to Val who sets two drinks on the bar in front of him. “No, I’m good. I’ll grab something on my way back through.” I catch Paxton’s eyes for a brief moment as I turn, and it takes everything in me to look away and not hold his stare. I duck into the bathroom the moment I reach it. I don’t actually need to use the bathroom; I just wanted to give Harlee and Kimber a few minutes to catch up. I know they don’t mind having me around, but like most times when I accompany this group of friends, I feel like the outsider. Honestly, the only reason I even came tonight was because I wanted to see Paxton. It’s been nearly five days since I’ve made the trip up to Portland. One, because I spent two days car shopping, spending almost every dime of my savings so that I wouldn’t have to borrow my mom’s car anymore. And two, because school is taking up a lot more of my time than I was really expecting it to. Unfortunately, he’s been super busy as well, which hasn’t helped our situation. He made an offer on the building he’s hoping to buy for his music store, and it was finally accepted a couple of days ago so now he’s trying to get all that squared away. Needless to say, it’s been hard. I hate sneaking around and having to hide. I finally have the man I’ve always wanted, and I can’t tell a damn soul about it. Well, other than my mom, of course. But let’s be real, who really wants to discuss things like sex with their mother? Not me. Stepping in front of the mirror, I pull the hair band off my wrist and tie my long, thick hair up in a messy bun. Letting out a deep sigh, I stare at my reflection for several long seconds, counting the small freckles that line the bridge of my nose. I don’t know why I don’t want to go back out there, but I just don’t have it in me tonight to fake it. It’s so hard to plaster on a smile and act a certain way when all I want to do is leave with Paxton. Finally exiting the bathroom just moments later, I stop just at the edge of the hall that opens up into the bar and look over at the table in the far corner of the room where everyone is gathered. Kimber and Harlee are sitting so close they are practically touching, whispering back and forth to each other while the guys laugh and cut up just a couple of feet from them. I watch the group interaction; the two girls who are super close and the three guys who are practically brothers. I can’t help but wonder if I will ever truly fit in. Will I ever be anything more than Gavin’s little sister? Paxton’s girlfriend maybe? Paxton’s girlfriend... It has a nice ring to it. And while I’m completely aware that it’s better to keep this hush hush for now, I also can’t help but long for the day when I can be the woman standing openly by his side.

Deciding to give them some time, I weave in and out of the crowded bar toward the front, pushing my way outside the moment I reach the door. There’s an amazing little bakery/coffee shop that sits directly across the street from Deviants that doesn’t close for another hour, and considering I haven’t eaten anything since lunch, I decide to head over there to grab a little something to eat. The moment I step inside the smell of fresh baked cookies and rich coffee engulfs me. I take a deep inhale, my stomach growling right on cue. The small shop is completely empty with the exception of two teenaged girls huddled in the corner sipping iced coffees and chatting back and forth excitedly. Turning my attention to the older woman behind the register, I quickly cross the space toward her, taking in the full display of baked items that fill every shelf of the long glass counter. I settle on a banana nut muffin and cinnamon latte. As soon as I have my items, I take a seat at a small square table next to the window which offers a perfect view of the front of Deviants. Pulling my cell out of my pocket, it buzzes to life the second it’s in my hand, startling me. Paxton: Where are you? Me: I decided to grab a little something to eat. Paxton: You left? Me: I just went across the street. I’ll be back in a little bit. I pick at my food while I wait for his reply but after a couple of minutes, I decide he’s probably not going to text me back. Once I’ve eaten most of my muffin, I grab my coffee and lean back in my chair, crossing my legs as I look out the window and watch the people passing by. Seconds later the bakery door chimes and I turn my attention toward the entrance, immediately locking eyes with Paxton who gives me a crooked smile and crosses the space toward me. “What are you doing here?” I wait until he takes the seat across from me before speaking. “I haven’t fucking seen you in almost a week, and now you’re finally here and you sneak off without me?” He scrunches his nose before snagging my coffee out of my hand and taking a long swig. “Why yes you can have some. Thank you for asking.” I fake annoyance. “Shut the fuck up.” He winks, sliding the cup back into my hand. “How’d you get away?” I glance out the window, curious as to how I didn’t see him cross the street. “I just left.” He shrugs. “You just left?” “Nah. I told Gavin I’d find you. He was wondering where the hell you went.” “Why didn’t you just tell him I was over here?” “Because then I wouldn’t have been able to come find you.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on the table in front of me. “I see.” I set my cup to the side and mirror his actions, the table so small that our faces are just a few inches apart. “And what will you do now that you’ve found me?” “I can think of a lot of things I’d like to do.” He drops his voice to a whisper causing goose bumps to erupt across my skin. “Is that so?” I whisper back, enjoying this little game we’re playing. “It is,” he confirms, his tongue darting across his bottom lip. “Care to enlighten me?” “I can’t tell you. I’d have to show you.” He raises his eyebrows up and down suggestively. “Then show me,” I challenge. “There you are.” The sound of Harlee’s voice startles me, and I jump, glancing up just in time to see her stop directly next to the table. “I tracked her down.” Paxton leans back in his chair, trying his best to play it off like whatever we were huddled together talking about was completely innocent.

“Kimber wanted a coffee before they closed.” She gestures toward the counter. “Jet lag,” she adds, her face not giving anything away. If she picked up on something going on between Paxton and me, she sure as hell isn’t letting it show. “Okay, well I’m gonna head back over.” Paxton stands. “You two can walk back over together. I think Charlie was about finished.” He gestures to my coffee. “Yeah. I’ll be done in a minute.” “Okay, cool. I’m gonna go order then.” Harlee spins, heading over to the counter. “See you back at the bar.” Paxton gives me a playful wink before quickly exiting, leaving me sitting at the table alone, freaking out over what Harlee may or may not have seen or heard. Sucking down the rest of my coffee, I stand, crossing toward the counter to drop my cup in the trash. Harlee appears next to me seconds later with Kimber’s coffee in her hand. “You ready?” she asks, heading toward the door when I nod. I follow her to the curb and then stop, waiting for the opportunity to cross the street. Harlee seems completely at ease next to me, and just when I think maybe she didn’t actually witness the interaction between Paxton and me, my worst fear is confirmed. “You’re gonna have to tell him ya know.” Harlee turns toward me, a soft understanding in her eyes. “I’m sorry?” I play stupid, not really sure what else to do. “You and Paxton,” she confirms. “You will have to tell Gavin eventually.” “I—I don’t know what you’re talking about. Paxton is like a brother to me,” I stutter out, my stomach twisting nervously. “Where I come from, you don’t look at a man you see as a brother like you were just looking at Paxton and vice versa.” She shakes her head. “Look, I’m not judging. In fact, I get it. Paxton is, well, hot as hell if I’m being frank.” She giggles. “And the way he looks at you... Yeah, I get it.” “I think you’ve got the wrong impression.” Deny. Deny. Deny. It’s all I can think to do. “Do I?” She cocks her head to the side and studies my face. “I think we both know the truth here, Charlie. If it makes you feel better to deny it, then that’s your business. And I’m not going to say anything to Gavin either. Again, your business. But I will urge you, as a friend, to tell him before he finds out another way. I think it would go over a lot better coming from you than having him walk in on something like I just witnessed between the two of you.” She smiles, looking both ways to ensure the coast is clear before crossing the street without another word. I follow her numbly, my heart clamoring inside my chest. I don’t make another attempt to correct her or dispute what she thinks she knows. At this point, I feel like it would just be insulting. So I keep my mouth shut and slap a smile on my face as we enter Deviants. Paxton throws me a questioning glance the moment we rejoin the group. Not wanting to show any signs of panic, I simply smile and take the seat next to Kimber. Doing my best to join the conversation, I spend the rest of the night drinking cosmos with the girls and doing everything in my power to avoid Paxton’s gaze. Not that I don’t want to look at him, of course I do, I just think that we need to be a hell of a lot more careful. Harlee’s right, what if it had been Gavin that walked into the bakery? Kimber and Decklan are the first to call it a night. Poor Kimber battled all night not to fall asleep face down on the table. Paxton left next, to my surprise barely even throwing me a glance as he said goodbye. I’m not sure if my behavior tonight pissed him off or if he simply wanted to leave before me as to not raise suspicion, since the plan’s for me to go back to his place directly after here. Either way, it leaves an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I move to excuse myself shortly after Paxton leaves, having no desire to hang around with the two remaining people who can’t keep their hands off each other.

I know before he even says a word that Gavin is going to dispute me driving home at such a late hour after drinking, and I’m already prepared when his objection comes. “You’re coming home with Harlee and me.” The statement leaves his mouth not seconds after my feet hit the floor. “No. I’m going home.” I slide my cell into my pocket. “Char, that’s not a good idea.” He gives me the disapproving brotherly look that I’ve seen countless times in my life. “I had two cosmos over the course of four hours; I think I’m good. Besides, you’re not my father, and I’m an adult, so there.” I cross my arms in front of my chest, daring him to challenge me. “I don’t like it.” He shakes his head. “You don’t have to,” I say mockingly. “I’ll talk to you later.” I drop my arms, giving him a brief hug before throwing a wave to Harlee and quickly exiting through the back entrance of the bar. I know before I even reach my car that Paxton is waiting for me. I can feel it in the way my body seems to come alive whenever he’s near. The moment I spot him leaning casually against my car, I quicken my steps, practically launching myself into his arms. It’s careless and I know I shouldn’t, but avoiding him tonight has been like torture, and all I want to feel is his body pressed against mine. “Fuck I missed you.” He drops his face into the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply. “I was right in front of you.” I pull back slightly, meeting his gaze. “It’s not the same, and you know it.” He presses a soft kiss to my mouth before pulling back. “Now let’s get the fuck out of here so I can stop acting like I don’t want to strip you bare and fuck the hell out of you.” He smiles, crossing around to the small black sports car sitting next to mine. I open my mouth to respond to his statement, but before I can form any words, he gives me a knowing smirk and then speaks again. “Nice car by the way.” He nods to my new silver Civic. “How did you even know it was mine?” I question, just now realizing he was waiting at my car even though I had yet to show it to him. “It was the only Civic in the lot. I took a guess.” He shrugs, throwing me a playful smile before sliding into the driver’s seat of his own car. “Good guess,” I say to myself, watching him fire the engine to life and drive away, before climbing into my own car and setting off after him.

Chapter Thirteen Paxton “Can I ask you something?” Charlie props up on her elbow next to me, her fingers dancing gently across my bare chest. “Anything.” “What happened with you and Angel?” Her cheeks instantly flush pink, and she looks down at her hand, avoiding my gaze. “What do you mean?” I ask, genuinely confused. “Harlee said something about Angel making a pass at you. I’m assuming it happened in Vegas.” “Oh that.” I chuckle, pulling her gaze back to me. “That was nothing.” “Another girl coming on to you is not nothing.” She narrows her eyes at me, her tone clipped. “Are you jealous?” I raise an eyebrow in question, my voice laced with humor. “No.” She shakes her head adamantly. “Yes, you are.” I laugh, rolling to my side to face her. I secure my arm around the small of her back to make sure she can’t roll away from me. “You’re stupid.” She lets out a deep sigh, faking annoyance. “And you’re an awful liar, Charlie Porter.” I grin, kissing the tip of her nose. “Fine,” she huffs. “I’m jealous okay. I mean, Angel is, well she’s gorgeous. I couldn’t blame you for being tempted by someone like her.” “I wasn’t tempted,” I reassure her. “Uh huh.” She rolls her eyes playfully. “I’m serious.” All the playfulness is gone from my voice. “I wasn’t. Not even for one fucking second. Why would I be?” “Because she’s beautiful.” She says it like it should have been a no-brainer. “And?” I scrunch my forehead in confusion. “And you’re a guy.” “So just because I’m a guy that makes me incapable of turning down a beautiful woman?” “So you admit it; you think she’s beautiful.” I can tell she’s trying really hard not to let on about how much this really bothers her, but I can see right through the facade. “Of course, she is. I’m not blind,” I admit truthfully. “But she’s not you, Char. And you’re all I want.” I lean forward, laying a light kiss to her mouth. “No one, Charlie. No one compares to you.” “You really know how to sweet-talk your way out of a conversation.” She giggles against my lips. “I’m not sweet talking.” I pull back slightly. “It’s the truth.” “Sorry I got all jealous girlfriend on your there for a minute.” She avoids my gaze like she’s ashamed. “Say it again.” I pull her face back up to mine. “Say what?” she asks, confused. “The part where you called yourself my girlfriend.”

“Oh, no, God I’m sorry. I was just saying I was acting like a jealous girlfriend. I wasn’t trying to imply that I am your girlfriend.” She stumbles through her words, causing my smile to spread wider and wider as she goes. “Char”—I cut her off when she moves to say more—“I wanted you to say it again because I liked it. I don’t care what label you put on it. Girlfriend, lover, partner; it’s all the same to me. You’re mine, no matter how you spin it. But it felt good hearing you refer to yourself as that.” “Is this your weird way of asking me to be your girlfriend?” She pulls her face back slightly and hits me with an amused smirk. Fuck me, this girl is beautiful. “Fuck no.” I shake my head. “I’m not asking, I’m telling.” “Is that so?” Laughter bubbles from her mouth. “It is,” I confirm, pulling her tighter against me. “Well, boyfriend—" she emphasizes the word. “You’re gonna need to let me get up now.” She tries to squirm out of my grip. “The fuck if I am.” I squeeze her harder. “I really have to pee.” She laughs, wrinkling her nose in the cutest fucking way. “Alright. Alright.” I release my hold on her, smacking her bare ass when she pushes out of the bed. She lets out a yelp of surprise and then scurries off toward the bathroom, throwing me one last look of fake annoyance before disappearing inside. Rolling to my back, I stare up at the ceiling, wondering how the fuck I possibly got this lucky. I knew I loved Charlie three years ago when she left, but I never anticipated how strong those feelings would grow over time. I don’t just love this girl anymore. I am in love with her. Balls deep, knock me to my fucking knees, in love with her. **** “Hey.” I stop just inside the bathroom where Charlie is leaning over the counter brushing her teeth. “Hey.” She gives me a toothpaste-filled smile, meeting my gaze in the reflection of the mirror. “I’m gonna order some Chinese takeout from that little place down the street. Anything specific I can get for you?” I lean against the doorframe. “I’m good with whatever.” She shrugs. “Okay cool.” I decide to let her finish what she’s doing, turning to head back into the bedroom. Crossing to the nightstand, I pick up my cell phone and tap the screen. When it doesn’t come on, I press the button on the side only to be met by a red empty battery icon. “Fucking great,” I mutter, quickly snapping it into the charger. Reaching for Charlie’s phone that’s sitting just inches from mine, the moment I unlock it, a slew of notifications come across the screen. A weather warning, email alerts, two missed calls, but it’s the eleven text messages from a number not stored in her contacts that catches my attention. I know I shouldn’t, but without a second thought I click on the messages icon and start scrolling through. The first couple is just simple texts. -Hey. - What are you doing? -You know you can’t avoid me forever, right? But then they get much more disturbing. -You can run, but you can’t hide, Charlie. -I know where you are.

-This is all in your hands right now. I’m giving you a chance. -Don’t fucking do this, Charlie. ANSWER ME! -You’re fucking mine! Do you hear me, Charlie? YOU ARE MINE! -Come home or I’ll fucking make you come home. -ANSWER ME, CHARLIE -You’re leaving me with no choice. Just remember, you did this. The last one came in around four a.m. this morning. My hands shake uncontrollably as I read the messages over and over, trying to wrap my head around what the fuck it is that I’m seeing. I’m so engulfed in the fog that I don’t even notice that Charlie has entered the room until I hear her speak. “What are you doing?” My gaze shoots to her and then back to her phone. “What the fuck is this, Charlie?” I look up, not trying to hide the fucking rage that is boiling inside me. “Why do you have my phone?” “What the fuck is this, Charlie?” I repeat when she makes no attempt to answer me. “I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Her voice goes up an octave as her eyes dance between my face and the phone. “Why do you have my phone?” she repeats her question. “My phone’s dead. I was going to use yours to order the food.” I explain. “But then when I opened it, I was bombarded with messages from someone who seems to be under the impression that you belong to them.” Her face drains of all color as she stares blankly at the device clutched tightly in my hand. She swallows hard and then mutters one word. “What?” I question, not able to hear what she said. “Drew.” She straightens her shoulders and says more forcefully. “Who the fuck is Drew?” I question, trying to hold my temper in. Despite the fact that the messages seem more like threats than ones you might receive from a friend or boyfriend for that matter, jealousy still rears its ugly fucking head, and I’m doing everything in my power not to let the monster out. “It’s not what you think.” She moves toward me. “I swear to you, we are not together.” She clearly senses where my mind has gone. “Then perhaps you can fill me in on why he’s texting you.” “He’s my ex.” She stops directly in front of me, peeling the device from my hand before scrolling through the messages herself. “And he’s the reason I left New York.” The look on her face when she finally meets my gaze causes every ounce of anger to drain from my body, only for it to return tenfold seconds later when I finally start to piece it together. “What did he do to you?” My nostrils flare as I try to hold my shit in. “It was nothing. He was just really possessive.” She tries to play it off, but her reaction to the messages has already given away too much. “Don’t fucking lie to me, Char,” I growl, placing my hands on her shoulders as I dip down to be eye level with her. “What did he do to you?” I ask more gently, losing my fucking breath when tears fill her eyes and immediately begin to spill down her cheeks. “Baby. Baby,” I chant, pulling her into my arms. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I came at you like that,” I speak into her hair. “It’s not you,” she cries into my chest, sobs racking through her body as she trembles in my arms. I’m fucking stunned. Numb. Confused. I’ve never seen Charlie like this... Ever. She’s always so strong. Whatever this is, whatever this guy did to her, it’s bad. The thought causes my stomach to knot violently.

“You’ve gotta tell me, Char,” I speak softly, sucking in a hard breath when she pulls back slightly and meets my gaze. “You have to understand, I didn’t know what to do. I believed him when he said it would never happen again. I gave in when he cried and begged for forgiveness. Over and over again I let him hurt me.” “What do you mean hurt you, Charlie? Did he hit you?” I have trouble pushing the question off my tongue. She gives me a sad smile and pushes out of my embrace, pacing the room for several long moments. “Charlie, I’m dying here.” My plead causes her to stop dead in her tracks and snap her head in my direction. “You have to swear to me that everything I tell you stays in this room. You can’t ever repeat it, to anyone. And you have to promise me right here and now that you will not, under any circumstances, contact Drew in any way, shape, or form.” “Why the fuck would I want to?” Her eyes narrow at my statement, and instantly I realize what she’s saying... I can’t go fucking kill him once she tells me what the hell he did to her. “I need your word. Paxton.” “And you have it,” I answer without hesitation, praying to God it’s a promise I can keep. Taking a deep breath, she crosses the room and takes a seat on the edge of the bed before letting it out slowly. Patting the mattress next to her, she turns inward when I sit down so that she can face me head on. “As I said before, Drew is my ex-boyfriend.” She searches my face for several moments. I’m not sure what she’s looking for in my expression, but whatever it is I’m glad it doesn’t stop her from continuing. “I met him about halfway through my sophomore year. He was a student at the university as well, and we bonded over our mutual dislike for our English Lit professor. We became fast friends and then one thing led to another and before the end of the year was up, we were dating. At first, it was nice. He was nice. But after a few months, things started to change. He became possessive, angry, demanding, and before long I didn’t even recognize him anymore. I couldn’t hang out with friends. Hell, he barely let me spend time with my aunt, who I was living with. It was like a light switch being flipped on, and suddenly I saw the person he was.” She pauses, wiping a few more tears that manage to escape her eyes. It’s taking everything in me to remain still and keep my hands knotted in my lap. I’m afraid if I move at all I’m going to fucking destroy everything in my path until this mother fucker is lying bloodied and broken beneath me. And what’s more, I know the worst is still to come. “At first it was just verbal. Name calling, insults, making me feel insecure about my body. Then things started to get physical.” “What do you mean by physical?” I get the question out through gritted teeth. “The first time it happened I think I was just in shock,” she continues without really answering my question. “But then it became more and more frequent until I was more afraid of him than not. I tried breaking things off a couple of times, but things just spiraled further. Pretty soon I was only with him because I was afraid of him and what he would do if I left. I knew I couldn’t go on like that. I knew eventually it would get so bad that I may never get out of it, or worse. I finally told Pam. At that point, it had been going on for about six months.” She takes a long pause, not acknowledging the look of horror that I know is written across my face. This is why when she came home something seemed off. We could all see it. Gavin and Decklan both commented about it. I thought it had to do with me. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that this was the reason she seemed hardened by New York. That he was the reason. “Two weeks later I was home.” She shrugs, skipping over all the details that are either too painful to retell or she simply doesn’t want me to know about.

Even though I want to know every detail, the look on her face tells me everything I need to know. I don’t have to hear her say it out loud. My chest literally fucking hurts at the thought of what she went through. “I don’t know how he got a hold of my email address or my phone number for that matter, but he tracked me down somehow,” she adds. “Email?” I question. “Don’t freak out.” She doesn’t continue until I nod. “He sent me pictures of myself... Naked. Pictures he must have taken while I was sleeping. I don’t know what he hoped to accomplish by sending them to me. I deleted the email and didn’t respond. The text messages started a few days after that. They are just here and there. Little threats. I know he’s just trying to mess with me.” “Does he know where to find you?” I ask, doing my best to keep my voice even and not show the emotion clogging every vessel inside me. “He knows where I’m from, but I don’t think he would ever come after me. He’s upset that I left New York without telling him. I think this is just his desperate attempt to get back at me. He wants me looking over my shoulder, and I won’t live like that.” “Are you sure he won’t come looking?” “Yes.” She seems pretty certain. “He hurt you.” My voice shakes as everything starts to settle over me. Finding her gaze, I reach out and trail my hand down the side of her face. How could anyone hurt this girl? How could any man put his hands on her? “I’m okay.” The statement is a whisper. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I let my hand fall away. “I didn’t want you to know.” “Why?” “Because I didn’t want you to look at me the way you’re looking at me right now.” “How am I looking at you?” “Like you feel sorry for me.” She takes my hand from my lap and wraps her fingers around it, giving it a tight squeeze. “I don’t want your pity. I don’t want you to seek retribution in my honor. I don’t need you to save me from my past. I just need you to love me now.” Her words send my heart hammering madly in my chest. Every single part of me wants to do exactly what she’s saying. I want to save her. I want to hunt down the mother fucker that put his hands on my girl and fucking kill him. I want to make sure he knows that she is mine, and I protect what is mine. But I also can’t deny what she’s asking of me. “I already do.” I watch her eyes widen at my words. “I loved you when you left, and I still love you now. I know a lot has changed over the years but that hasn’t. I love you, Char.” The tears that fall down her cheeks this time are ones of happiness. The smile that spreads across her face is enough to stop my heart dead in its tracks. Fuck me, I do love her; so fucking much.

Chapter Fourteen Charlie “I love you too.” I manage to finally get the words out after several long moments of silence between us. I don’t know if I’m in shock or if I’m just fearful this is some kind of dream, but from the moment he uttered the words I love you, I seem to have entered some kind of weird reality where everything seems skewed. “I promise you”—he drops his forehead against mine—“I promise you he will never hurt you again.” “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” I bite down on my bottom lip trying to hold my emotion in. I’m not usually a crier, but seeing the look of horror on Paxton’s face pulled so much emotion out of me that I just simply couldn’t hold it in. The whole situation with Drew is hard enough, especially since I haven’t spoken about it to anyone outside of Pam. But retelling the nightmare to Paxton, seeing the agony in his eyes, was damn near just as hard as dealing with the situation present day. His reaction broke me and then healed me all at the same time. “I understand.” His bright green eyes bore into mine. “But no more secrets, Charlie. It’s your turn to promise me now. I need to know that you will give me absolute truth always. No matter how hard the truth may be, I have to know I can trust that you’re being straight with me.” “I promise.” The moment the words are uttered, his lips crash down on mine. There is a need in his kiss, a desperation that I don’t normally sense with him. I’m sure it has to do with everything he just learned. Paxton has always been the one to take care of others. Decklan, when he lost Conner. His mom when she got sick. It eats at him to see those he cares about in pain, and I know it’s probably killing him right now not to be able to do anything to fix what happened to me. But he doesn’t need to fix it. He doesn’t see that just by being here with me, he’s already made it all so much better. I can live with my past with Drew as long as I get my future with Paxton. “I love you.” He breathes against my lips, guiding me back onto the bed. “I love you so fucking much.” He bites and sucks his way down my neck, pulling articles of clothing off each of us as he does. “I love you.” I arch my back and lift my hips, allowing him to peel my bottoms off before settling in between my legs. “I just need to feel you.” He kisses me deeply before sliding inside of me on one quick thrust. Just like that, the rest of the world fades away. Paxton pulls my body to new heights, showing me a pleasure like I have never known. His movements are strong, each thrust a powerful motion sending my body soaring higher and higher until I’m not sure if I will ever come back down to the earth. **** “What are you doing?” I turn just in time to see Paxton slip into my bedroom and close the door. I open my mouth to say something else, but before I can get anything out I’m in Paxton’s arms, his lips silencing me. His tongue slides across mine, pulling a deep moan from the back of my throat. My God this

man makes me feel like a damn fiend. Every time he’s even close to me all I want to do is feel him inside me. “Sorry, I just had to do that.” He smiles against my lips before pulling back. “You’re gonna get us caught.” I gesture toward my bedroom door. “What if someone saw you come in here?” “They didn’t.” He smirks. “Besides, I think it was worth it.” He winks before turning around and quietly exiting the room just as quickly as he had entered it. “Seriously?” I say to myself, crossing my arms over my chest. The nerve of that man. To walk into my room, kiss me like that, and then just leave me hanging? Hmph. Something about that just doesn’t seem right. Then again, it certainly does enough to attach a permanent smile to my face that I can’t quite seem to shake. I jump when a light knock sounds against my door just moments later. “Now you knock.” I laugh, pulling the door open. My smile immediately fades when I see Gavin standing in front of me. “When do I not knock?” he questions, cocking his brow. “Sorry, thought you were Mom,” I lie, hoping he doesn’t question it. “Oh.” He shrugs. “I just wanted to let you know that Mia is gone so you’re in the clear.” Gavin of all people understands the difficulty in dealing with our older sister. “Thank you.” “Harlee and I are heading out too. She has class in the morning and needs to get some homework done.” “Oh okay.” “I just wanted to come say bye before we took off.” “You guys be careful. Please tell Harlee goodbye for me,” I say, giving my brother a one-armed hug. “I will.” He gives me one quick squeeze before releasing me. “Love ya, Char.” He calls over his shoulder as he takes off down the hallway. “Love you too,” I call after him, watching him round the corner and disappear down the stairs. I have always loved our monthly spaghetti nights at the Porter house, but I forgot just how much until I came back here. It’s one of my fondest memories as a child, and I love that my mom still does it today. But given that I have to deal with my older sister Mia, it kind of puts a damper on the whole night, hence why I excused myself to my room early despite the fact that Paxton is here. If I have to hear her lecture me one more time about how irresponsible I am for leaving New York, I might end up punching her square in the nose. She doesn’t know my life, therefore, she has no right to judge it. Just because I don’t fit into her perfect, cookie cutter image of what life should be doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong. I could tell Paxton was becoming very aggravated as well. I’m sure it wasn’t easy sitting there listening to her berate me knowing what he knows. I guess that’s the very reason he slipped into my room moments ago. He knew I needed him, and there he was. Smiling to myself, I decide to head back downstairs. I reach the landing just in time to see Decklan and Kimber follow Gavin and Harlee outside. Rounding the corner into the kitchen, I find my mom standing in front of the sink washing dishes. “Hey.” I step up beside her, taking the plate from her hand before grabbing the small towel next to the sink and drying it off. “Thank you.” She throws me a sideways smile, handing me another dish to dry. “Another successful spaghetti night is in the books.” I fight off a yawn as I stack another plate on top of the one I just dried. “Sorry about Mia.” She meets my gaze in the reflection of the small window that sits behind the sink.

“Don’t be. Mia is Mia.” I shrug. “The only one that could control that girl was Dad.” The thought of my father immediately causes a lump to form in the base of my throat. I’ve never forgiven myself for not coming home for his funeral. I wish I could say I had some great reason, but I really didn’t. Truth be told it was too painful, and honestly, I just wasn’t ready to face Paxton again either. “That he could.” Mom laughs next to me, but there’s sadness behind it. “I’m sorry by the way. For not coming home when he died.” “Don’t be.” My mom stops in the middle of a dish and turns her gaze to me. “Your father wanted you to be exactly where you were. It’s better that you remember him as he was before you left; alive and happy. Coming home wouldn’t have changed anything.” She turns her attention back toward the sink. “Thanks for saying that.” I take another plate from her, wiping the now damp towel across the surface. “I got this, honey. Why don’t you go have a seat out back and enjoy the beautiful weather? It’s still quite warm out there.” She bumps her hip against mine causing me to look up from the dish in my hand. She nods her head toward the back door and winks. “What are you up to?” I question, studying her curiously. “Go,” she says, a slow smile spreading across her face. “O-k-a-y,” I stretch out, drying my hands before dropping the towel onto the counter, not really sure why she’s urging me to go outside. Crossing the kitchen, I push open the back door and step out onto the porch, surprised by how dark it is already. One thing is for sure; my mom was right about the temperature. Summer will be here before we know it and honestly, I can’t wait. I love the warm weather, going to the beach, swimming, bonfires; it’s my favorite time of year. “Nice out, huh?” A voice startles me, and I jump, spinning to see Paxton sitting just to my right on the porch swing that overlooks the back of the wooded property. “I thought you left,” I say, crossing toward him. He stops swinging just long enough for me to take a seat next to him before resuming his slow back and forth pace. “I figured I’d hang out for a while longer.” He shrugs, throwing me a wicked grin. “My mom told me to come out here,” I admit, deciding it’s finally time to open up to him about the fact that she knows. He has a right to know. It affects him just as much as it does me. “Why would she tell you to come out here?” he questions, scrunching his forehead in confusion. “Was she afraid I was lonely by myself?” He chuckles. “No,” I answer flatly, giving him a look that I hope tells him everything he needs to know. “She knows?” He instantly picks up on where I’m going with this. “She knows,” I confirm, surprised that he doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by this fact. “How long?” “A couple weeks,” I admit, giving him an apologetic smile. Even though he’s completely calm, I can sense the smallest hint of aggravation coming off of him when he hears this little bit of information. “I meant to tell you. Honestly I did. But it kind of slipped my mind,” I quickly add. “And what does she have to say about it?” His tone is light as he looks out into the darkness, the swing creaking as it sways back and forth. “She thinks I’d be lucky to have you.” My words cause him to stop moving as he flips his head in my direction, a wide smile spreading across his face. “She does?” He seems really relieved by this knowledge. “Why do you seem so surprised? My mom loves you,” I say, pushing my feet against the porch in an effort to resume our swinging.

Picking up on what I’m trying to do, he shifts his feet, and we begin to sway once more. “I just thought she wouldn’t approve. I don’t know. I mean, you’re her baby, Charlie. And I’m... Well, fuck, I’m not good enough for you.” He lets out a shaky exhale. “Is that what you really think? That you’re not good enough for me?” I reach out and grab his bearded chin, turning his face back toward mine. “You are more than just good enough for me, Paxton Stewart; you’re perfect for me. I know the kind of man you are. So does my mom. Otherwise, she wouldn’t support this.” “And the fact that we’re keeping it from Gavin?” he questions. “She understands our reasoning. She’s not going to tell him if that’s what you’re worried about.” “I mean, I’d be lying if I said him finding out doesn’t worry me, but it’s more of him finding out from someone else that eats at me. I just feel like it needs to come from me.” “We will cross that bridge when we come to it.” I rest my hand just above his knee and give his leg a reassuring squeeze. I open my mouth with the intention of telling him that Harlee knows as well, but then close it again without saying a word. I know I promised no more secrets, but telling him that Gavin’s girlfriend knows that something is up is pretty much signing off on the fact that he’s gonna go straight to Gavin tonight and tell him everything. I don’t know why but the thought of that terrifies me. Not because I care about what Gavin says, but because I’m scared that it will be the end of what Paxton and I have. No matter how much he cares for me, I honestly don’t think he would choose me if forced to make a choice. Gavin is his brother just as much as he is mine; I don’t know that he is willing to lose him forever if that’s what being with me means. “So since Rosie knows, does that mean she will let me crash here with you tonight?” Paxton interrupts my thoughts, pulling my attention to the sexy smirk currently on his face. “Not on your life.” I laugh. “But I thought she said you’d be lucky to have me?” His smile widens. “She did. But not that she condones us having sex under her roof. I mean unless you’re planning on marrying me in the next thirty minutes or something.” “Don’t tempt me.” He falls serious for a moment, prompting me to poke him in the ribs. “Don’t play with me, Paxton,” I warn playfully. “Who says I’m playing?” He leans in so close that I can feel his breath across my lips. I take a deep inhale, unable to get enough air into my lungs at the current moment. I know he’s just messing with me, but something in his eyes tells me that maybe there’s a hint of truth behind his playfulness. “How about we hold off on marriage proposals right now, and you just kiss me instead?” I wrinkle my nose, leaning in to brush my mouth against his. “Yes, ma’am.” He smiles before pressing his lips firmly against mine, officially ending our conversation.

Chapter Fifteen Charlie Minutes turn into hours, hours to days, and days to weeks. The time with Paxton seems to go by in a blur. Every moment I share with him is somehow more special than the last. It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost two months since Decklan and Kimber’s wedding in Vegas. So many things have happened. So many wonderful, amazing things. And now here I am, standing in the middle of what will soon be Paxton’s new music shop. I still can’t believe he threw it together so quickly but then again, I should know better than to doubt this man. “So, what do you think?” He looks around the space filled with every musical instrument you could ever imagine. “It’s incredible.” I take in the floor to ceiling wall of guitars that acts as the store's focal piece. “Truly, Paxton. I can’t believe you’re doing it. You’re making your dreams a reality.” I shake my head slowly back and forth as I scan the entirety of the thousand feet space. “You are.” He slides his hand into mine, entwining our fingers together. I turn my face to the side to find him looking back at me adoringly. “I can’t take credit for this. This is all you,” I object. “No, it’s not. You are what drives me every day to be more, to be better. I don’t know that I would have ever had the courage or the drive to make this happen if it wasn’t for you.” His words flush my entire body with emotion, and I have to fight back the onset of tears I feel building behind my eyes. My God this man makes me an emotional wreck. “I love you.” The words fall out of my mouth without a thought. That incredible, heart-stopping smile once again takes over his face, and it’s all I can do not to melt right here on the spot. Before he has a chance to respond, the back door of the building flies open, and we instinctively jump apart. It’s scary how we’re getting so used to covering our relationship. It’s become almost second nature to us at this point. We both turn in unison just in time to see Gavin and Decklan appear from the back storage room. “Holy fuck, dude.” Decklan looks around in amazement. “This is crazy,” he says, fist bumping with Paxton the moment he reaches him. “I told ya,” Gavin agrees, honing in on me. “What are you doing here?” “I was actually coming to see you but decided to swing by and see Paxton’s new store first.” I’m quite impressed with how well the lie falls from my lips. “Hard to believe, right?” He buys my excuse without batting an eye, gesturing around the space. “It’s amazing,” I agree. “I just can’t believe how quickly you threw it all together,” Decklan interjects. “I’ve been here pretty much twenty-four hours a day for the past two weeks. I don’t think I’ve eaten a real meal in days. I’m surviving on energy drinks and protein bars at this point.” Paxton laughs, looking around the space proudly.

“Well, that’s actually why we’re here. We wanted to see if you had a little time to grab lunch with us?” Gavin says. “Wish I could, man, but I have a delivery of amps coming in sometime in the next couple of hours that I need to be here for.” “You want us to bring you something back?” Deck asks. “Nah, I’m good, man. I’ll grab something on the way home later.” “What about you, Char?” Gavin turns toward me. “Since you’re here, you wanna go grab lunch?” “Kimber’s meeting us over at Prim, that café you like so much,” Decklan adds. “Sounds good to me.” I smile, knowing there’s no way I can decline their invite given that my excuse for being here was to come see my brother. “Alright, sweet.” He nods, turning toward Paxton. “We’ll let you get back to it, dude. Don’t hesitate to holler if you need anything.” “Oh, don’t worry I will. Just remember you offered when I have your ass in here in a couple of days helping me move the set of pianos I have coming in.” “We got you, man. Whatever you need,” Gavin interjects, giving Paxton the same weird handshake/half hug they’ve done for years. “Appreciate that. You guys have fun.” He nods to Deck before throwing a quick wink in my direction. “Bye,” I mouth, pouting out my bottom lip slightly before turning and following my brother and Decklan out of the shop. **** I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I haven’t felt good since arriving home from Portland a couple of hours ago. At first, I thought maybe lunch didn’t agree with me, but now that I think about it, I haven’t really felt right for days. Lying across my mattress, I stare up at the ceiling, wondering what the hell is going on with me. I run through what I’ve done recently, things I’ve eaten, but nothing really accounts for how great I feel one minute and how crappy I feel the next. I consider pulling out my tablet and busting out the always panic-inducing WedMD but quickly decide against it. Every time I get on that site I walk away convinced that I’m dying from some strange illness. Suddenly a flash of panic washes over me out of nowhere, and I shoot up in bed. I don’t know why it hasn’t dawned on me sooner. But then again, it can’t be. “No!” I breathe out, shaking my head. There’s no way. There’s no way I could be pregnant. Even as the thought crosses my mind, I can’t accept it. But I also can’t deny that things have been off with me recently. I’ve been blaming my emotions on Paxton. That man makes me feel so many different ways; I can’t seem to reel it all in. I’ve been blaming my tiredness on school, which isn’t out of the realm of possibility. Considering I spend hours a day either in class or working on assignments, I don’t think it’s surprising that I feel tired. I’ve just assumed not having a period is a result of my birth control, which to be fair could very well be the case. I haven’t had normal periods since I started getting the shot over three years ago. And lastly, I’ve chalked up my nausea to how poorly I’ve been eating recently. I’ve had more takeout in the past two months than I think I’ve eaten in the span of my lifetime. Every one of these symptoms has a logical explanation. So why all of a sudden do I feel like none of them are for the reason I originally thought?

Unable to just sit here and drive myself nuts, I push out of bed and slide on my shoes before grabbing my car keys off the top of my dresser. I make it to the store and back in record time. It takes all of thirty minutes from the time pregnancy first crossed my mind before I’m locked in the bathroom peeing on a stick. I don’t think it will be positive. In fact, I know it won’t be. But after getting it into my head, I just have to be sure. I pace the bathroom, looking at my phone every five seconds to see if the recommended three minute wait time has passed. Seconds seem like hours as I move around the small space, my heart beating somewhere in my stomach. When the timer on my phone finally beeps, I stumble over my own feet in an attempt to get the test in my hands. The second my fingers close around the plastic stick, I hold it in front of my face. The floor seems to shift out from under my feet, and before I have even processed the result, I feel the cool bathroom floor beneath me. It takes several long moments before the reality of my situation seems to sink in and once it does, I spin, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. **** Pregnant? How can I be pregnant? I pace back and forth in my room, looking down at the third test now clutched between my fingers, still unable to believe the result. I’ve been in a fog since seeing the two blue lines that appeared on my first test just hours ago. Nothing seems real to me anymore, and I just can’t seem to wrap my head around how this happened. I mean, I know how it happened. But given that my birth control is very effective, it’s not something that I ever really considered to be a possibility. Paxton is going to freak out. And then what about Gavin? How will he react when he finds out that I’m having his best friend’s baby? “Oh God.” My stomach twists again, and I slide down onto the edge of my bed, dropping my head into my hands. I’ve made such an incredible mess of everything. I can’t fight the tears that sting my eyes. I’m so overcome with such raw emotion that I feel like my reality is slipping. Nothing makes sense. I can’t form a rational thought. I can’t process what I know to be fact. Lying backward on the mattress, I roll to my side and curl into a ball, closing my eyes tightly as I beg for this to be just a dream. Please just tell me it’s some crazy nightmare. That when I open my eyes none of this will be what it seems. Tell me this isn’t real. Tell me I didn’t just ruin everything. **** “Hey. Is everything okay with you?” I look up from my laptop to find Paxton studying me intently from the doorway of his store office. “Of course, why?” “You seem really quiet today.”

“Just trying to make sure I get everything entered properly. The last thing I want is for your inventory and receivables to be all out of whack before your doors even open.” “You don’t have to do that you know?” He sets down the box he’s holding and flops down into the chair opposite me. “I know. I want to. I want to help in any way I can.” I give him a reassuring smile. It takes everything in me to keep up this façade. I feel like I die a little more on the inside every time I lie to him or don’t tell him the truth about our situation. It should be easy to say six little words. We’re going to have a baby. Simple right? Not at all actually. I never dreamed that one sentence would be so hard to say. I’ve opened my mouth to tell him countless times since I found out three days ago, but I just can’t seem to muster the courage to push the words out. I’m not even sure I fully believe it yet myself, which is why I’ve chosen to keep it from him until I see the doctor in a couple weeks. “I know you do, but it’s not necessary.” He pulls me back to our conversation. “You have so much going on with school and trying to finish your degree, the last thing you need to be doing is worrying about me.” “I can’t help myself,” I admit. “Besides, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than right here with you.” “I have to admit, while I love having you here, it’s really fucking hard for me to concentrate on anything when you’re sitting in here looking like a little sexy librarian.” His mouth turns up in a wicked smile. “I look like a librarian?” I laugh, looking down at my skinny jeans and black top. “It’s not your outfit. It’s those fucking glasses and that damn messy bun you’re sporting.” He gestures to my face, reminding me that I still have my reading glasses on. “Shit’s had me thinking of nothing but bending you over that desk all fucking day.” His words cause a warm sensation to spread across my body, and I clench my legs together to soothe the sudden ache I feel for him. My body craves Paxton all the time, but when he says things like this, I all but melt right on the spot. “Well then.” I close my laptop and set it to the side before rolling the chair I’m sitting in backward. Propping my feet on the desk, I make sure there’s enough separation between my legs that he can see between them. “Why don’t you do something about it?” Even though I have jeans on, his eyes go directly where I intend for them to, and he sucks in a ragged breath. “Unless you just wanna sit here and talk about it some more.” I smirk. “Fuck that.” He pushes out of his chair so quickly it causes me to jump slightly. Closing the office door, he snaps the lock in place before taking two commanding steps toward me. Before I really have any time to react, Paxton is lifting me out of the chair, and depositing me on top of the desk. Shoving the folders and papers to the floor, he leans me all the way back, trailing his hand straight down my middle as he does. Guilt floods through me when his hand stops on my stomach. He stares down at me, the intensity of his green eyes cutting me in two. For the briefest moment I fear that he senses the change in my body, that he can tell that his child is growing inside of me, but before the thought really takes hold, his movements shift downward to the waist of my jeans. Ripping the zipper down, he flips open the button and has the material over my hips in a matter of seconds. Pulling one leg out and then the other, he doesn’t even make an attempt to remove my shirt before he’s flipping me onto my stomach and pulling me down toward the edge of the desk.

With my ass perched up on full display and my feet barely able to reach the floor beneath me, my body sings to life in anticipation. I hear Paxton’s zipper, followed by the rustle of material before I feel him settle in behind me. He leans forward, his heavy erection pressing against my ass as his hand tangles into my messy bun and he jerks my head backward. “This is not going to be gentle,” he promises, hissing the words into my ear before releasing my hair. I don’t have time to brace myself before Paxton enters me from behind, pushing my body forward. I cry out, not fully prepared for his deep, punishing thrust. “That’s right,” Paxton growls behind me, digging his fingers into my hips as he slams inside of me again. Another cry flies from my mouth, my body already hanging on the cusp. Paxton wastes no time establishing a rough and relentless rhythm, pounding into me so forcefully that the desk beneath me scoots a tiny fraction each time he moves. He brings me to the brink and eases me back down over and over again, slowing to a near stop when he senses I’m close to letting go. I know he’s testing me, teasing me, seeing how long I can fight before I finally succumb to the pleasure. It isn’t long before I sense him tensing behind me. His already hard body is like a steel wall as it collides against mine. The animalistic growl that starts low in his throat and slowly becomes louder tells me that by testing my limits, he’s also been testing his own, and now he’s losing his hold. I do everything I can to fight my orgasm. It’s the best kind of torture to deny myself the pleasure my body so desperately craves. When I feel him start to swell inside of me, I know I can’t hold onto it any longer. My entire body explodes around him, the release so intense I can’t stop my legs from shaking as I ride out the waves of pleasure. Paxton follows right behind me, his release only intensifying the aftermath of my own orgasm. By the time he finally slows to a stop behind me, we are both spent, gasping for breath like we can’t pull air into our lungs fast enough. And it’s the most incredible feeling in the entire world.

Chapter Sixteen Charlie “What are you doing here?” I ask, looking up from the mess of notes spread across the kitchen table as Gavin walks into the room. “I just left Harlee’s dorm, thought I’d swing by and see Mom for a bit. Where is she anyway?” He slides down into the seat across the table from me. “I think she’s putting laundry away upstairs,” I say, leaning back in my chair as I stretch my arms above my head, trying to work the kink out of my back from sitting for so long. “What are you working on?” He gestures to the table which is covered in books, notes, my open laptop, and a slew of half chewed pencils. “Homework.” I make a face of dislike. “You’re almost done, though. How much time you got left?” “Two semesters after this one.” I let out a loud sigh. I know to some people it may not seem long, but to me, it feels like an eternity. “Count yourself lucky. Harlee and Kimber have like three years left.” He chuckles as if that’s somehow supposed to make me feel better. “Anyway, I’m gonna let you do your thing.” He pushes to a stand. “See if I can go track down that mother of ours.” He throws me a half wave before disappearing from the kitchen. I look out over the disorganized mess in front of me, completely losing all motivation to continue. All I want to do is push all this crap in the trash can and never look at it again. Knowing that’s not an option, I pick up the book titled Integrating Business Fundamentals with Ethics. Flipping a few pages, I stop on the section marked by a bright pink post-it note. I read several pages, not really retaining much of it before I finally just give up altogether. Slamming the book closed, I’m half way through clearing everything from the table when I hear Gavin’s voice yell my name. It’s not a where are you yell either. Curious, I make my way across the kitchen and into the foyer, stopping just two feet from the bottom of the staircase when Gavin comes pounding down the stairs, his eyes drawn and face red. “What?” I ask, confused. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” He rounds the bottom step, stopping directly in front of me. His six feet frame towers over my much shorter one. “What?” I ask again, this time a little more forcefully. “This is what?” He pulls something out from behind him and waves it in front of my face. It takes several moments before I realize what it is; at first, all I see is a blur of white as it passes by my eyes. But when his hand stops waving and I get my first real glimpse at what he’s holding, my heart drops to my feet. Clenched between his index finger and thumb is the one pregnancy test I kept instead of hiding it at the bottom of the trashcan with the others. I don’t know why I kept it. I guess I wanted a keepsake. I mean, this may be unplanned and completely unexpected, but I’d be lying if I said the thought of having Paxton’s child hasn’t grown on me a little bit over the past few days.

“I...” I try to speak, but I’m so caught off guard that I can’t seem to form even one sentence. “You what, Charlie? What?” he yells in my face, his nostrils flaring. “You gonna tell me you’re just holding it for a friend?” he sneers, clearly very upset with me. “Where did you get that?” I finally manage to croak out, an evident shake in my voice. “Where the fuck do you think I got it?” he snaps. “Exactly where you fucking left it.” I rack my brain trying to remember where I put it. I know I didn’t just leave it laying out. Think, Charlie, think. “Why were you going through my room?” I force the question out, not sure what else to say. “Why is there a pregnancy test in your nightstand?” He answers my question with a question. My nightstand... Shit, that’s right. I threw it in there planning to hide it somewhere when I had a chance, having been interrupted by my mom. “I don’t know how that’s any of your business. Now tell me why in hell you were in there to begin with.” I raise my voice, feeling my own anger boil to the surface. “I was looking for a phone charger, Charlie. A fucking phone charger,” he screams, hovering over me. “So now tell me why in the fuck I found this instead?” He waves the test in front of my face again. Snatching the stick out of his hand, I attempt to step past him in an effort to go upstairs, but he’s having none of it. His hand closes down tightly around my bicep, and he jerks me back in place. “I don’t have to tell you anything,” I say, tears welling behind my eyes. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “The fuck you don’t. When did this happen? Who the fuck is the father? Don’t even try to convince me it isn’t yours because I already know damn well it is.” He interjects when I open my mouth to speak, “The truth, Charlie. NOW!” “What the fuck does it matter to you?” I rip my arm out of his grip. “My life, Gavin. My life. Why don’t you go harass your little girlfriend and leave me the hell alone?” I scream in his face, shoving at his chest. “It matters because you’re my sister. I care whether or not you fuck up your life. Because I care about you.” “I haven’t fucked anything up.” “Really, Char? A baby? What about school? What about marriage? You still live with Mom for fuck's sake. Do you even know who the father is?” “Is that what you think?” I shake my head, unable to believe that Gavin of all people would be the one to take such cheap shots at me. “You think I’m just some whore that sleeps around with tons of people?” “That’s not what I meant.” He tries to smooth over the comment, clearly realizing his mistake. “I think it’s exactly what you meant. And for your information, I do know who the father is and no, I have no intention of telling you. And since when do you feel like you have the right to come at me with something that has nothing to do with you?” I curse at myself for this monumental error. How could I have been so stupid to leave the test in such a findable place? “I’m your brother. It’s my job to take care of you.” “I’m twenty-one years old, Gavin. I’m not a little girl anymore, and I sure as hell don’t need you to take care of me.” “Clearly you need someone to.” He gestures toward my stomach. “Let me make something very clear to you because you seem to be having trouble grasping the concept. You. Are. Not. My. Father.” I speak each word slowly. “You’re right, I’m not. I’m just glad he’s not alive to see what a shit show you’ve made of your life.” His comment literally knocks the wind right out of me. I can’t believe he would say that. I’m hurt, confused, but more than anything, right now I’m angry. Really angry. I am two seconds away from laying a

backhand right across his face when Mom’s voice halts my movements. “What is going on down here?” I twist my head toward the staircase just as she reaches the landing, her confused expression looking between Gavin and me like we’ve both grown an extra head. “Why don’t you tell her, Charlie?” Gavin crosses his arms in front of his chest and hits me with a cocky smirk. “I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to hear the news.” “Stop it, Gavin.” I glare at him, swiping at the angry tears that are now streaming down my face. “Tell he,” he seethes. “Tell me what?” My poor mother is so confused. I can’t speak the words out loud. I can’t see the look of disappointment on her face that I currently see on Gavin’s. I know Gavin will never let me walk away without telling her, but I just can’t do it. “You tell her or I will,” he warns. “Why are you doing this?” My voice goes up an octave as a fresh onset of tears wells behind my eyes. “I’m not doing anything,” he says smugly. “I’m just forcing you to admit the truth. A truth you’ve been hiding from all of us.” “Gavin, what’s this about?” My mom steps in between us, turning toward Gavin. “Why don’t you ask your daughter?” His gaze is locked on my face. Slowly, my mom turns to face me. “Charlie?” She cocks her head to the side, a gentle pleading in her eyes. “Is everything okay?” Gavin laughs behind her. “Okay?” he spits. “If you call Charlie throwing away her future okay, then yeah, everything is just fucking peachy.” “Gavin Porter, we do not use that kind of language in my house.” She rounds on Gavin. “Now one of you, spit it out now,” she demands, stepping to the side so she has a good view of both of us. A long stretch of silence follows as Gavin stares daggers at me, challenging me, waiting for me to be the one to say it. “Charlie’s pregnant!” he finally spits, turning his gaze to Mom. “There it is. Since she won’t tell you, I will.” “What?” My mom turns her gaze to me, shock registering in her eyes. “Char?” My name is so soft on her lips that it barely reaches my ears. “Is that true?” “It is.” It’s so hard to utter those two words that I physically have to force them out. “Out.” Her voice snaps as she looks at Gavin and points toward the front door. “What?” He takes a step back, confusion written across his face. “You heard me. Out.” She crosses past him to the front door and rips it open. “Mom,” he objects, looking at her like she’s gone mad. “Gavin, I love you, but so help me God if you do not get out of this house right now I will drag you out.” I’m so taken aback by my mother’s actions that I can’t do anything but stand here, watching it all unfold in front of me. “I’m leaving. I’m leaving.” He holds up his hands, grumbling under his breath. “Gavin,” I call after him, sudden panic gripping at my chest. “Please don’t tell anyone,” I plead when he turns to face me. He gives me one nod and then steps onto the porch, followed by my mother who pulls the door closed behind them. I watch through the glass of the door as she talks to Gavin. I don’t know what she’s saying to him, but I can visibly see his features start to relax, and after less than a minute, he looks like my brother again instead of the raging bully he was just moments ago. I watch my mom pull him into a hug, say something into his ear, and then reenter the house, letting out a long sigh when the door latches closed behind her.

“Mom,” the word comes out on a sob, the magnitude of what just happened finally starting to set in. She’s across the foyer and has me in her arms in a matter of seconds, chanting in my ear that everything will be okay as I let go of all the emotion I’ve been holding in since finding out I was pregnant a few days ago. Sobs rake through my body as I apologize over and over again. I think for the first time I’m really starting to understand just how huge this actually is and to be honest, I’m terrified. “Come on,” my mom says, loosening her hold on me when I start to pull myself together. “Let’s go to the kitchen. I’ll make you some tea.” Mom’s cure for everything is a cup of hot tea. I’ve never found much comfort in it myself, but I also know that the tea is most likely for her benefit and not mine. I slide into one of the chairs and lean forward on my elbows, watching my mom as she skirts around the kitchen pulling out everything she needs. She doesn’t say anything. Hell, she doesn’t even look in my direction until she’s setting a cup of tea in front of me several minutes later. “It’s decaf,” she says, sliding the cup toward me. Of course, my mom would think of such things. Right now I’m lucky I remember my own name. I would never have even thought about the caffeine in the tea. Of course, I know very little about what you should and shouldn’t have during pregnancy, but I know from my sister Mia that caffeine is supposedly a big no-no. Rounding the table, Mom takes a seat directly across from me, setting her tea in front of her. “So.” She lets out a slow breath. “Does Paxton know?” She finally meets my gaze and to my surprise, there’s nothing angry about her expression. “No.” I shake my head, taking a sip of tea. It’s so hot it burns the tip of my tongue, but it doesn’t stop me from going in for another drink. Nervous tick. Whenever I find myself in an uncomfortable situation, I tend to fixate on anything other than the person in front of me. “Are you going to tell him?” “Yes, but I wanted to wait until I know more.” “Do you know how far along you might be?” She sips her tea. “No,” I admit, shrugging. “I have a doctor’s appointment the week after next. I guess I will find out more then.” “What’s your plan?” She’s so calm it’s almost eerie. “Honestly, Mom, I don’t have one,” I admit, meeting her gaze. “That’s okay.” She gives me a reassuring smile. “You’ll figure it out.” “How are you so calm right now?” I finally spit, the tension mounting inside of me. “Because I see it for what it is; a blessing.” “Blessing?” I blurt like she has officially lost it. “I know it’s not ideal, and I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, it won’t be. But I’m telling you that it is worth it. You’re not a little girl anymore, Charlie. You’re a beautiful, strong, independent young woman who is more than capable of taking care of a child. And Paxton, he’s come so far over the last few years. No matter what happens, that baby is going to have two wonderful parents who love him or her unconditionally. That’s all you can ever really hope for.” “I’m afraid I’m going to lose him,” I admit under my breath, but she catches it anyway. “You might.” She shrugs, knowing I’m referring to Paxton. “But it won’t change the situation. Whether you two raise the child separately or stay together and create a family, either way, it will work out in the end. One thing I know for certain is that this child will have two present, involved parents who will make it work one way or another.” “I’m scared.”

“You should be.” She laughs when my eyes go wide. “Having a child is not easy, Charlie. I’m not going to sugar coat it for you. But I promise you that when you hold that baby in your arms for the very first time, you’ll realize that in the end that baby is all that matters. That sweet little piece of heaven will light up your world in ways you won’t even be able to imagine until you see it for yourself.” “Thank you, Mom. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I reach across the table, taking her hand in mine. “You were my sweet little piece of heaven once.” Her eyes well with tears. “And you still are. All I want for you, for your siblings, is for you to find happiness wherever you can. It doesn’t have to be the world’s version of perfect, as long as it’s perfect for you.” “I wish Gavin felt the same way.” “Give him time.” She squeezes my fingers before releasing my hand. “You’ve always been Gavin’s little baby. I remember when you were first born. Oh, lord, that boy wouldn’t let you out of his sight. From the moment your father and I brought you home from that hospital. He may have only been four at the time, but he knew even then, you were something that deserved protecting. I don’t think he’s ever quite lost that instinct. He wants the best for you; you have to know that. Sometimes he just goes about it the wrong way.” “I don’t know, the way he was looking at me”—I pause, shaking my head back and forth—“I just don’t know.” “Give it time. Gavin is stubborn, a lot like someone else I know.” She narrows her eyes at me. “But I’m confident that he will come around, it might just take a while.” “You don’t think he’ll tell Paxton do you?” The thought causes my stomach to knot tightly. “I think, while he may be upset with you, that he will respect your wishes to keep it private for now. But, honey, eventually Paxton is going to find out. The sooner you tell him, the easier it will be. And as for Gavin, well that’s up to you and Paxton how you want to break that news. But again, the longer you wait the harder it will be. They both deserve to know the truth, Charlie.” “I know.” I nod slowly, mulling over her words. “I’m gonna give you some time alone. I know you have a lot to figure out.” She breaks into my thoughts, her chair legs skidding across the tile floor as she stands. “If you need me, you know where to find me.” She steps up next me. “We’ll talk more later,” she says, dropping a kiss on the top of my head before setting her tea cup onto the counter and disappearing into the hallway. Slowly pushing into a stand, I numbly cross the space, my mind bogged down by the turn of events that have taken place over the last hour. This morning I was really only worried about telling Paxton. Now I realize that it goes way beyond that. I don’t just have to tell Paxton, I have to tell everyone. And I have to tell them everything, not just about the baby. And I have to do it sooner rather than later. Considering my body will be changing rapidly over the next few months, my time is limited. The truth is going to come out eventually whether I like it or not. I just hope that once I reach the other side of this, I’m not standing there alone.

Chapter Seventeen Paxton Me: You sure you can’t come over tonight? Charlie: God I wish I could, but I promised Mom I’d go to that new art exhibit in Springfield. Me: After? Charlie: I’ll see what I can do but no promises. Me: Tomorrow then? Charlie: Just try and keep me away *wink face Locking my phone, I toss it down onto the counter and take a long look around the shop. We officially opened the doors on STRUM this past Monday and already the business is pouring in. I owe a great deal of that to the guys who ran a special all this week promoting the shop, which conveniently is within walking distance of their bar. They even did a huge giveaway, offering one lucky person the chance to drink free for a year. All they had to do was register for music lessons. Of course, they couldn’t just come in and pay for one lesson and be entered. No, Gavin and Deck wanted to make sure that each person registered and pre-paid for at least ten lessons prior to putting their name into the drawing. Not surprisingly, a hell of a lot of people were willing to throw down some cash for their chance to drink free for a year. Thanks to the guys, I’m fully booked on lessons all the way through August, and we’ve only been open for five days. I reach for my phone when I hear it signal another message. Thinking maybe Charlie changed her mind and decided to come over tonight, disappointment instantly floods through me when I see Decklan’s name across the screen. Deck: You done yet? Me: Will be soon, why? Deck: Gav and I are taking you out to celebrate. Me: Didn’t we already celebrate Monday? Deck: Yeah, but now we’re celebrating the success of your first week. Me: Already? I laugh as I type the response. My first week isn’t even officially over yet. Deck: Fuck, dude, do we really need a reason to begin with? He does have a point, I guess. I mean, it’s not like I have anything better to fucking do. I’d likely just go home and stare at the walls anyway. Me: I guess not. Deck: Meet us at Gravers at ten. Me: Supporting the competition now are we? Deck: Fuck no; their bar doesn’t hold a candle to ours. Just a change of scenery. Me: I’ll be there. Looking around the store, it looks like a tornado has blown through it. Instruments are piled inside the walled off space at the front of the store that I have set up for people wanting to test out the instruments

before buying them. Sheets of music are spread across the main piano that acts as the focal piece of the store, and I swear not one fucking guitar that was taken off the wall today, got put back where it goes. I decide I should probably get this place cleaned up if I want to have time to grab something to eat before I head over to Gravers. Not that they don’t serve food there, but I’m not really big on bars that try to be restaurants. The food is usually overpriced, basked in grease, and the cooks are questionable at best. I’d rather just pick something up beforehand. Before I get started, I decide to send Charlie another text. Not that she needs to know what I’m doing tonight, but I like keeping her in the loop in case she decides to show up at my condo unannounced later, which she has done several times now. Me: Found me a new date tonight. He’s not nearly as pretty as you are, but he does share the same DNA. I smile to myself and press send, tossing the phone onto the counter. Crossing to the front door, I lock it and unplug the open sign before getting to work on putting everything away. It takes me nearly an hour to get things back the way they belong, by which time it’s already after nine. Grabbing my keys and phone, it isn’t until I exit out the back minutes later that I realize I have a message from Charlie. What I see instantly makes me laugh. Charlie: Just remember, when you’ve had too much to drink, I didn’t magically grow a penis between my legs. Fuck me I love this girl. **** “I tell you what, since you got married; you’re kind of a lame ass,” Gavin slurs at Decklan when he refuses to take a shot with him. “It’s called growing up.” I laugh, shaking my head as Gavin pours yet another shot down. At this point, it’s a wonder he’s still sitting upright. “Fuck you.” He shoves my shoulder. “You’d be taking shots too if you had the week I’ve had.” “Trouble in paradise?” Decklan raises a brow at Gavin. “Fuck no.” He shakes his head adamantly. “Harlee’s fucking perfect. I just got some shit going on that I can’t really talk to her about, and it’s fucking eating at me.” “What?” We both ask in unison. “Family shit.” He shakes his head, pouring another shot from the bottle sitting on the table. “What kind of family shit?” Deck presses for more. “Your family is practically our family too.” He gestures between the two of us. “I can’t talk about it. Mom threatened me within two inches of my life.” He runs his hand through his hair and lets out a slow breath. “Is she okay?” Decklan asks, hitting me with a worried gaze before turning back to Gavin. “Yeah, yeah. No, she’s fine. It’s not about her.” Then who is it about, is all I can think? If it’s about Charlie, then I wish he would just fucking spit it out already. Is it something I already know? Is it that fucker Drew; is he still in contact with her and she just hasn’t told me, afraid that I might retaliate? Did she finally tell her family about what happened in New York? My mind races with uncertainty. “Well, you know whatever it is, we got you, man. Anything you need,” Deck says, clasping Gavin on the shoulder.

“Thanks, dude. I appreciate that. I just don’t know how Charlie could be so stupid.” He lays back the shot in his hand before realizing what he’s said. “Fuck, forget I said that.” He shakes his head. “What’s going on with Charlie?” I don’t want to pry, but now that I know it has to do with her, I have to know what it is. “I already told you, man; Mom will kill me if I say anything.” He shakes his head slowly back and forth, staring at his empty shot glass. “You know what? Fuck that. You guys are my brothers, and I don’t fucking keep secrets from my brothers.” He chugs the rest of his beer, slamming the bottle onto the table a little harder than I think he meant to. “Charlie went and got herself knocked up.” The moment the words leave his mouth I feel the earth sway beneath me. I grip the table trying to steady myself, but suddenly everything seems off balance. “Come again?” Deck seems just as surprised as I do, but obviously for very different reasons. “You heard me,” he slurs. “I found the pregnancy test in her nightstand when I was looking for her extra phone charger.” “Did she tell you who the father is?” I’m glad Decklan is the one asking all the questions because right now I couldn’t form a coherent sentence if I tried. My heart is lodged somewhere in my throat, blocking my ability to speak. “No, but based on the fact that she’s not seeing anyone, it’s anyone’s guess whose it could be. Fucking stupid.” He seems really pissed off; meanwhile, I’m over here trying to prevent myself from going into a full-blown panic attack. “I fucking flipped when I found out, dude. I can’t remember ever yelling at her the way I did. I just couldn’t help it. She’s pissing her fucking life away. Am I such a horrible brother for wanting more for her than this?” “Not at all, man,” Deck reassures him. “But Charlie isn’t a kid anymore. You can’t make her choices for her. She’s gonna make mistakes along the way. Think about all the stupid shit we’ve pulled over the years.” “Yeah, but none of those things landed any of us with a baby.” Not him anyway... Slowly the weight of this information starts to settle on my shoulders, and it’s so fucking heavy I’m having trouble breathing properly. “Could have, though.” Deck shrugs, taking a long swig of his beer. “Whose side are you on anyway?” Gavin’s temper flares slightly. “Whoa.” Deck holds his hands up, clearly sensing this is a touchy subject, especially given how much Gavin has had to drink tonight. “I’m not taking sides, dude. I’ve got you; you know that. But I’m not doing my job as your friend by being your yes man. If I think your wrong, I’m gonna say so. And I gotta say, knowing Charlie, she’s probably already beating the hell out of herself for this shit. She doesn’t need you throwing punches at her too. She’s probably scared shitless right now.” “I don’t give a fuck what she is,” he roars. “She’s the whore that went and spread her legs.” My hand slams down onto the table before I can stop it, causing the other two to jump slightly. Both heads snap in my direction. I feel the anger pouring off of me, seeping out of every pore. I’m in shock. I’m overwhelmed. And even though every fiber of my being wants to defend Charlie for the things he’s saying, I just can’t seem to force the words out. “What the fuck is your problem?” Gavin hisses. Decklan picks up right on cue, clearly sensing that what I want to say, I can’t. And while he may not understand, he wastes no time directing the attention back to him. “We don’t like hearing you talk about Charlie like that,” Deck explains. “She’s your sister, dude. If anyone else said that kind of shit about her, you’d fucking kill them. We have the same protective need.

Let’s just take a step back for a minute.” “You’re right.” Gavin shakes his head, leaning back in his stool. “Fuck me. I’m just so fucking disappointed in her.” “I get that,” Deck continues. “But you know as well as I do that once that baby is here, you’re going to love the shit out of that little person.” “Fuck, you know I will.” A smile stretches across his face for the first time since this conversation began, and he thinks over Decklan’s words for a long moment. “Do you think you’ll ever have kids?” He takes a complete one-eighty. “Yeah.” Deck nods his head like it’s a no brainer. “In fact, I’m excited to start a family with Kimber. I mean, obviously, we’ve got a while before she finishes school, but we’ve talked about it.” I don’t know why this news surprises me, but it does. But before I can really think too much about it, the reality that I’m going to be a father—like now—hits me like a ton of bricks. I don’t know why but throughout the whole conversation it never really sunk in. Now that it has, I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m going to be a dad. I roll the words around in my head trying to make them make sense. Charlie is going to be a mom. For some reason, that seems even harder to grasp. Charlie is carrying my child. That seems to be the only thought that brings me some sort of solace. To know my child is growing in her stomach, that a part of me is living inside her, it solidifies my claim on her. In some weird carnal way, I just needed a way to brand her as mine. Now I have. But that doesn’t change the fact that our situation has now gotten much more complicated. It only intensifies the betrayal Gavin will feel when all this finally comes out in the open. I don’t think he will ever be able to forgive me for lying to him. This is something I fear I can’t come back from. And then there’s Charlie, who has been lying to me for who knows how long. All I asked of her was that she give me the truth. I feel like I’m risking everything to be with her, and she can’t even shoot me straight. “I want three kids I think.” Gavin’s comment sucks me back into the conversation. “I want two boys and then a little white-haired girl. Harlee would be a fucking amazing mom. Plus, her tits would get even bigger, and who doesn’t love that.” “You would be the one to have kids for that reason.” Deck holds his stomach as laughter rolls through him. “Tell me you haven’t thought about it,” he challenges. The tension from earlier seems to have absolved into the air. If you weren’t here five minutes ago, you would never know that some major shit was going down. Unfortunately for me, my shit storm is just getting started. As much as I want to go to Charlie right now and get answers to all the questions flying around in my head, a part of me wants to sit on what I’ve learned tonight. I want to see how long Charlie will keep from me that I’m going to be a father. How much time will pass before she finally gives me the truth? And will I be able to forgive her for keeping it from me once she finally does?

Chapter Eighteen Charlie I’m curled up on the couch in the living room when Gavin pushes his way through the front door. I glance his direction long enough to see that it’s him before turning my gaze back to the television. It’s not that I’m interested in what I’m watching, I’m not. It’s more that I don’t want to give him the impression that I give two shits that he’s here. Considering the way he stormed out of here the day before last, he could not talk to me again for a while, and I would probably be okay with it. I hear the chair that sits in the corner of the room, diagonal from where I’m laying, creak in protest as Gavin takes a seat. I still don’t look in his direction or say one word for that matter. “Can we talk?” There’s hesitation in his voice; the polar opposite of how he sounded two days ago. “I don’t think there’s much to say at this point.” My tone is flat, indifferent, as I keep my focus on the episode of Shark Tank playing in front of me. I’ve been binge watching the show for about three hours at this point, but let’s be honest; you can only watch so much Shark Tank before it all just kinda seems the same. But that doesn’t stop me from pretending like it’s the most interesting thing in the world right now. “Don’t be like that, Char. I came to apologize.” His words pull my gaze to where he’s sitting just to the right, in front of me. “I’m listening,” I say, making no attempt to move from my lounging position. “I think I might have been a little hard on you the other day,” he starts. “A little?” I question, my voice dripping with attitude. I don’t mean to be difficult, but I’m just so hurt by the way he treated me. Add pregnancy hormones into the mix, and he’s lucky I haven’t chucked a lamp at his head already. “Okay.” He holds his hands up in front of himself. “A lot.” “You think?” I sigh dramatically. “Look, I know I can be a bit overprotective from time to time, and I know it pisses you off, but I’ve always felt like I needed to take care of you.” “But you don’t. You’ve never needed to,” I interrupt. “Be that as it may, I have always felt differently on the matter. And then Dad died, and I don’t know, I guess I just felt like I had to step up even more after you came home. I know it seems stupid to you, but you have to understand where I’m coming from. You’re my baby sister, Charlie. There’s never going to be a time that I won’t try to protect you.” “There’s a difference between being protective and being controlling. Someone calls me a name, defend me. Someone mistreats me, make sure they never do it again. I really don’t care. But don’t for onesecond think that you have any control over my choices or my life. You don’t.” “I took it too far. I know that now. I don’t know, Char. When I found that test I just fucking lost it. It felt like the end for you, and that fucking broke me. But then I realized it’s not the end; it’s just the fucking beginning. Having a child doesn’t mean you’ve thrown your life away; it just gives the life you have more purpose. I’m sorry I couldn’t see that sooner.”

“I know it’s not ideal.” I push up into a sitting position, crossing my legs in front of me. “Trust me, I wanted to graduate college, be married, have a house, the whole shebang before I had children, but life doesn’t always work out the way you plan it in your head. Sometimes shit just happens, and we just have to deal with it as it comes.” “Will you tell me who the father is? At least give me that much. I deserve to know who is responsible for making sure my little niece or nephew is taken care of.” “I am. I will make sure the baby is taken care of. That’s all you need to know for now.” “Why is this some big secret?” My denial of his request seems to grate on his nerves. but he’s doing a good job reeling it in. I guess he figures after the way he treated me, he should probably tread lightly. “He doesn’t know yet, and I don’t want anyone to know who it is until I have a chance to talk to him first. Everything will come out in the open eventually, but for now, I just need some time.” My insides twist around the hard knot that’s formed in the pit of my stomach. “Okay.” He lets out on a sigh. “Can I ask you something?” I wait for him to nod before continuing. “Why the change of heart? I thought for sure when you left the other day that things were beyond repair.” “You’re my sister, Char. Nothing you could do would ever make me love you any less. Sure, it might piss me off and I may need a few days, but you won’t ever lose me. That won’t happen.” He says that now... “Besides,” he continues, “Deck made me realize that you having a baby just gives me a little niece or nephew to spoil the hell out of and honestly, I’m pretty excited about that.” He gives me an ear to ear grin. “You told Decklan?” Panic grips at my chest, and I have to force my voice out . If he told Decklan, that means... “And Paxton,” he confirms my worst fear. No. No. No. Oh my God, this is literally the worst case scenario. Paxton knows he’s going to be a father and what’s worse? He found out from Gavin; the person we have worked so hard to keep our relationship a secret from. “I know you didn’t want anyone to know,” he quickly adds when he registers the look on my face. “I just needed someone to talk it out with, and I mean, those guys are like your family too, so I didn’t think it was a big deal.” I want to scream. Throw something. Tell him what a complete an utter asshole he is. But I can’t do any of those things. An overreaction on my part would simply raise too much suspicion, and I can’t risk doing that, especially knowing that now I have a hell of a lot explaining to do to Paxton. “It’s fine. I’m just, I don’t know. I just wasn’t ready for anyone to know.” I take a deep breath trying to calm myself. “I’m sorry, Char.” “It’s fine,” I reassure him, just ready to have this conversation over with. “Well, if that’s it, I have some place I need to be,” I say, abruptly standing. “Right now?” He seems taken aback. “Yeah, sorry. I forgot I’m meeting a friend for dinner, and I should’ve already started getting ready. Now, I’m gonna be late.” I can tell by the look on his face that he doesn’t entirely believe my excuse, but he chooses not to challenge it, which I’m thankful for. “Oh, okay.” He stands. “Thanks for coming over. Sorry I have to rush off.” “Charlie, wait,” he calls after me just as I round the corner and my foot hits the bottom step. I stop, turning just in time to see him follow me into the foyer.

“We’re good right?” he questions, concern evident on his face. “We are,” I reassure him, stepping off the staircase to wrap a tight hug around his middle. “Thank you for your support. I’m gonna need it.” I give him another squeeze before releasing him. “Anything you need.” He smiles down at me. “Don’t hesitate to call.” “I will,” I promise, throwing a quick wave before taking off up the stairs. I hear the door open and close just moments later. I peek down the stairs to make sure he’s gone before heading to my bedroom. I wasn’t lying when I said I have somewhere I need to be. I do. But it’s not dinner with a friend. Even though I wasn’t planning to head to Paxton’s until later this evening, I know that I can’t just sit here and wait either. Finding out he knows is bad enough. Knowing that we’ve spoken since he found out and he hasn’t said a word to me is terrifying. That means he’s waiting to see how long before I finally tell him. I guess Gavin cluing me in on the fact that he opened his mouth to Decklan and Paxton works to my advantage. Had he chosen not to tell me, I would have continued on without telling Paxton the truth and all the while he would’ve known. Throwing on a pair of skinny jeans and a long black top, I slide on some flip flops, slap on a little eyeliner and mascara before throwing my hair up into a messy bun and heading back downstairs. I leave Mom a quick note letting her know I’m headed to my “friends” house. I know she’ll be able to decipher what that means and will assume that I’ll be gone overnight. Grabbing my keys off the counter, I quickly exit the house and jump into the driver’s seat of my car which is parked out back. The two-hour drive to Portland feels like an eternity on a normal day, today it feels like time stops altogether. Every time I glance at my clock and see only two more minutes have passed, my heart beats even harder, and the nervous butterflies multiply in my stomach. By the time I finally reach Paxton’s building, parking in a garage a block away so Gavin doesn’t stumble upon my car, my nails are bitten down to my fingers, and I feel like I’m on the cusp of a severe panic attack. The ride up the elevator is even worse. I can’t stop my hands from shaking, and I feel like at any minute I’m going to claw my way out of my skin. The nervous energy is bubbling inside of me at such an overwhelming rate that I start jogging in place on the ride up just to try to work some of it out. When I finally step up in front of Paxton’s door, it takes me a good two minutes to muster up the courage to knock. I wait... Nothing. I knock again... Nothing. “Shit,” I swear out loud, wishing I had at least text him first. Checking my cell, I see that it’s just past six which means Paxton will probably be at his shop for at least another couple hours; hence why the plan was for me to come over at nine. Something I wish I would have considered in my rush to get here. Realizing I can’t just sit here and wait for him, I decide to head over to his store instead. With evening traffic pouring through Portland, it takes me longer to drive to STRUM than it probably would’ve taken me to walk. Parking at a meter two blocks away, I finally reach the store a good thirty minutes after leaving the condo. When I step up in front of the brick building that houses the music store, I let out a slow breath, catching sight of Paxton through the large windows that look inside. He’s sitting behind the grand piano that sits in the middle of the store, his fingers working effortlessly along the keys as he plays. I watch him for what feels like forever. I take in his stylishly messy brown hair, his broad shoulders that tense as he plays, the way he keeps his eyes closed as the music dances around him. This man is perfect. And I mean that in every sense of the word. From the dark hair that lines his powerful jaw, to the cut through your soul beauty of his crisp green eyes, he is the pure definition of raw

and powerful beauty. His body. His talent. There is no denying that Paxton Stewart is something to be treasured. A wave of pride washes over me, and I reach down, holding my stomach. “That’s your daddy,” I whisper, for the first time allowing myself to feel the pure joy that’s been buried behind regret and worry. Taking a deep breath, I reach for the door handle, a chiming noise announcing my arrival the moment I pull it open. Paxton’s eyes dart open and find mine instantly. His fingers stop mid-note, and a heavy silence instantly settles over us. There’s so much I want to say. So much I need to say. By the way he’s looking at me I know he knows it too. “Hey.” The word comes out broken and shaky. “Hey,” he replies, his face giving nothing away to how he’s feeling at this very moment. “What were you playing?” I ask, taking a few hesitant steps toward him. “Chopin,” he replies flatly, looking down at his hands that still rest along the keys. “I’m sorry I’m early.” I stop at the opposite end of the piano from him, meeting his gaze over the glossy black finish. “I...” “When were you gonna tell me that I’m going to be a father?” he interrupts what I’m about to say, throwing me completely off guard. I don’t know why, but I just didn’t expect him to come right out with it. “Paxton,” his name is barely a whisper off my lips. “Don’t Paxton me, Charlie.” His eyes flash dark, anger instantly boiling to the surface. “You lied to me.” His words drip with pain. “I was going to tell you, I swear.” I stumble over my words. “When? When, Charlie? How long were you going to wait?” He hits me with question after question. “How did this even happen?” “I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “I’ve used the same birth control for years. I don’t how it happened or why it failed.” “Did you not feel like I had a right to know the second you did?” He doesn’t let me answer before throwing another one at me. “Did you not think I would want to know?” “I was in shock,” I admit, emotion clogging my throat. “I was scared.” “And yet, instead of coming to me, instead of figuring this out together, you chose to keep it to yourself, as if I’m not just as affected as you are.” “But you’re not!” The words come out much more forceful than I intend for them to and even though I quickly move to explain, I can clearly see the damage has already been done. “I see.” He nods slowly, hurt filling his beautiful eyes. “Well, you’ve made it pretty clear that you want to handle this on your own so you can just go ahead and do that.” His words are like a knife to my chest. The pain is instant and immediately spreads throughout my entire body. “Paxton, please.” I take a deep breath trying to reel in the swell of tears I feel forming behind my eyes. “I love you, Charlie.” His words hit me like a thousand pounds. “But with a relationship shrouded in lies and secrets, I expected us to be honest with each other at least. Apparently, even that was too much for you to handle.” “It’s not like that. I just wanted to get more information. I wanted to make sure the baby was healthy first.” “And you didn’t think maybe I would have liked to have been involved in that? That I wouldn’t like to go to the first appointment with you? That I didn’t deserve the same confirmation you were seeking? Fuck, Charlie!” He slams his hands down on the keys causing an array of noises to fill the space.

“I didn’t think...” “That’s right, Charlie, you didn’t think. You didn’t think about how I would feel, what I want. You didn’t think about what this would mean for me. You only thought about yourself.” He pushes to a stand. “Do you have any idea what it felt like to have to find out that I’m going to be a father from Gavin?” “I’m sorry.” There’s no fighting the tears this time. They roll down my cheeks in quick succession, one after another. “I’m sorry too.” He turns, heading toward the back of the store. I stand frozen, not sure what to do or how to react. He rounds the counter along the back wall, not looking in my direction as he speaks. “You can go home now, Charlie.” His voice is flat, emotionless. “Paxton, please.” My voice quivers over my words. “I need some time,” he says, his eyes still focused away from me. “Please at least give me that much.” I want to scream look at me. I want to refuse to walk out that door until we’ve sorted through all this. I don’t want to leave. But I also know there’s no way I can stay. Not when he’s all but begging me to go. There’s nothing I can do. I can see it in his demeanor, in the hurt I see in his eyes, in the way he refuses to look at me now. And even though it goes against every instinct I have, I do the only thing I can. I nod, turn around, and walk directly out of the store without another word.

Chapter Nineteen Charlie It’s been over a week since I’ve spoken to Paxton. A week of complete and utter hell. I’ve cried more times in the last seven days than I think I’ve cried in the last seven years. I keep trying to blame the hormones, but deep down I know it’s because I’m so madly in love with Paxton, and I’m afraid I’ve lost him forever. The thought of never feeling his touch again, his kiss, the way it feels to be wrapped in his arms, is more than I can bear. It rips at me, eats at me, and consumes every single ounce of my mind until I can focus on nothing but the loss of the one thing I wanted more than anything else in the world. Paxton. It has taken everything in me to keep my distance. I’ve wanted to call him every single minute of the last seven days. I’ve stopped myself from getting in the car and driving to his house more times than I can count. But I know that only serves what I want, and this time I’m determined to put his needs over mine. I have to respect what he’s asking of me. No matter how impossible it seems. But that doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I may feel defeated, but I’m not out of the fight just yet. I love Paxton in a way I never dreamed I could love another person. Love like that doesn’t come around often. Most people are lucky if they even find it once. I will hold onto that love with everything I have. Letting out a deep exhale, I pull my car behind my house and kill the ignition, letting the silence wash over me for a long moment before finally climbing out. Today’s the first day that I’ve been to class in the last week. The first couple of days after my fight with Paxton, I just couldn’t force myself out of bed. The other days I just knew my focus was too short to retain anything anyway, so I figured what’s the point. I emailed my professors some lame excuse about being sick and asked if they could give me at home assignments to make up for my absence. When I woke up this morning, I thought I was good. I felt better than I had in days and ready to get back to it. But as the minutes ticked on, each class became more difficult to get through than the one before it. I ended up skipping my last class altogether. Pushing my way through the back door of the house, I drop my bag on the floor before heading straight to the fridge. I pull out a bottle of water and take a long gulp before looking around the space. It’s almost eerily quiet. “Mom?” I call out, straining to hear any signs that she’s home. Considering she parks in the garage, I never know for sure if she’s home until I come inside. I wait—Nothing. My phone jumps to life in my bag startling me so bad that I jump and scream at the same time. Shaking my head, I quickly lean down and retrieve it from the front pouch of my bag. The instant I see Pam’s name on the screen, I answer it. “Hello.” Despite how down I’ve been recently and all I’ve had going on, there is an excitement in my voice when I speak.

“Charlie.” Pam’s voice is warm and soothing to my frantic mind. “It’s good to hear your voice. I’ve missed you.” “I’ve missed you too,” I admit. “Sorry I haven’t called recently. I have so much going on right now.” “I know. Your mom told me you reenrolled in school. I’m so happy to hear that.” “Yeah, it’s been an adjustment for sure. The atmosphere here is so much more relaxed than New York, but for whatever reason, I feel more stressed here than I ever did there.” “Char, as much as I want to hear about everything you have going on, I’m afraid this isn’t really a social call.” The minute her words wash over me, my stomach twists violently. “What is it?” I stutter out, instantly sensing the tension in her voice that I didn’t pick up before. “Drew came by yesterday.” “What did he want?” My voice shakes. “I’ve actually been in Dallas the last couple days on business and wasn’t here. I just got home this morning. I only know he was here because apparently he beat on my door for several minutes before Mr. Jenson, next door, intervened, getting sick of listening to the noise. Drew handed him a package and asked that he be sure I receive it as soon as I return.” “What is it?” My voice seems far off like I’m speaking through a distant tunnel. “I don’t know, I haven’t opened it.” “Open it,” I order, my heart thumping so loud against my ribcage I can feel the vibration through my entire body. I haven’t heard from Drew since the night he texted me and Paxton found the messages. Since then it’s been radio silence. A part of me had hoped that would be the end of it. Now, I’m certain that was just the beginning. I hear the distinct sound of paper ripping followed by a loud intake of air. “Oh my God.” Pam’s voice seems in disbelief. “What? What is it?” I feel like I might explode from the anticipation. “It’s pictures... Of you.” I half expect her to say I’m naked, but what she says next is so much worse. “In Oregon.” She finally adds. “What?” I ask, confusion laced in my voice. “There’s pictures of you, Charlie. Tons of them. Sitting on the back porch of your house, getting into your car, walking out of class. There’s so many. It’s as if he’s been...” Her voice trails off. “Following me,” I finish her sentence, panic seizing my chest. “You need to call the police, Charlie.” “What? Why?” I don’t understand the urgency in her tone. If he was there yesterday then that means he’s in New York and not here. “On the last picture he wrote, She’s mine, in big red letters. I think he’s planning something, Charlie, and for whatever reason he’s using me to make sure you know he’s coming.” I know this game of his. I remember it well. He feeds off the anticipation, the fear. Pam’s right, he’s planning something. I may have been stupid enough to think he wouldn’t follow me all the way to Oregon, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know him. “I have to go,” I mutter into the phone, ending the call before Pam can get another word out. There’s only one call I plan to make right now and it’s not to the police, it’s the one man I know will not let Drew anywhere near me. The phone rings over and over as I pace the kitchen. “Pick up. Pick up,” I pray out loud; cursing under my breath when his voicemail picks up. I’m prepared to say anything I have to say to get him here, including the truth. Drew’s coming for me. It’s no longer a question of if but when.

“Paxton, it’s me...” It’s all I get out before something slams into the side of my face, knocking the phone out of my hand as it connects just below my left temple. I stumble backward, off balance and stunned. It takes several long seconds for my vision to clear enough that I can focus forward. The moment Drew’s dark eyes filter into view, I feel the familiar sting of his hand as it connects to the side of my face. “Did you really think I would just let you walk away, you fucking whore?” he spits, venom in his voice. Shock and fear flood through me as I once again stumble backward. His high-pitched laugh fills the space, bouncing through the silence of the empty house. This is what he wants—I remind myself. Taking a deep breath, I straighten my shoulders and meet his gaze, ignoring the chill of panic I feel from the emotionless nearly black eyes staring back at me. “Drew.” His name is a whisper on my lips as I take in his appearance. He looks almost exactly as I remember. His favorite New York Yankees t-shirt hugs his broad frame, and a backward baseball cap covers up his golden hair which I can see peeking out of the sides. His face is void of facial hair, and there’s a cocky smirk pulling up the side of his mouth. “There she is.” His smile widens as he takes me in. “What—what are you doing here?” I pull my strength from somewhere down deep, fighting to keep my voice even. “I thought that was pretty obvious. I’m here for you.” His eyes narrow in on my face as he takes a step toward me. I frantically search the space for something, anything that can help me. He’s blocking my path to the counter where my mom keeps the knives and scissors. He would have me wrapped up long before I could even attempt to make it to the door. My eyes dance between the table to my right and my phone which is currently lying face down just to my left. “Paxton,” I scream at the top of my lungs, just praying that maybe the call is somehow still connected to his voicemail. “Drew. It’s Drew,” I scream. It takes less than seconds before Drew has the device under his shoe, the phone cracking and glass popping as he slams his heel down onto it several times, all the while his gaze locked firmly on my face. Run. Run, Charlie. It’s the only instinct I have. I spin and take off through the house toward the front door, just getting my hand around the knob before I feel Drew’s fingers tangle in my hair and rip me backward. I cry out, pain searing through my scalp as he jerks me away from the door. “Did you really think I would just let you leave me like that, Charlie? Did you think I was just going to sit back and let you make a fool of me?” He chuckles darkly. “I’ve been watching you for weeks, Charlie, and you didn’t even know it. I watched you with your friends. I watched you with him,” he grits through his teeth. “I watched you smile and laugh as you began to build a new life without me. You’re mine remember. And I don’t share what is mine.” “Please.” I shake my head, trying to free his grip on me. “Please?” He pulls my back flush against his chest, running his nose along my neck as he inhales my scent deeply. “Please don’t do this,” I beg, tears clouding my vision. “Oh, I like it when you beg,” he hisses in my ear. “Keep begging, Charlie. Beg me to fuck you. Beg for me to give you what we both know you want.” He licks my face, trailing his tongue from my jaw line all the way up to my temple.

I fight down the urge I have to gag, knowing it will only spur him on. My only thought is the baby. I have to protect my baby—Paxton’s baby. Pulling my arm away from my body, I slam it backward with all my strength, landing my elbow directly into his stomach. His grip on me falters just long enough that I’m able to slip away and scramble toward the door again. I get the main door open this time, but before I can push through the screen door that leads onto the front porch, Drew once again closes in on me. Wrapping his arms around my middle, he slams me to the ground with so much force it knocks all the wind out of my body. Before I even have a chance to catch my breath he lands another blow to my torso, his foot connecting violently against my ribs. I scream out when pain tears through my left side. The feeling of my bones cracking inside me is unmistakable. “You did this, Charlie.” Another kick. This one lands directly to my stomach causing the air to rush from my body. I roll, coughing, gasping, desperately trying to suck air into my lungs as I pull myself across the carpet. I feel his weight settle on top of my back before I even make it inches. His hand tangles into my hair again, this time only long enough to pull back and slam my face into the floor beneath me. A ringing sounds through my skull as the impact jars me near unconscious. I feel like I’m floating, almost weightless. I barely register my body being rolled until I feel Drew’s mouth close down on mine. Like being awoken from the dead, I snap back to reality. Rearing back, I slam my forehead into his face, missing his nose but managing to lay a pretty hard blow just below his right eye. He roars above me, shoving my head back down. I can feel my eyes roll when he repeats the movement, this time bashing my head so hard against the floor that blackness floods my vision. I can’t move, can’t speak. I have so much fight inside of me. but my small body is no match for his six feet, large frame. It’s like a kitten trying to fight off a vicious dog. While the kitten may get a few scratches in, it’s nothing compared to what the dog can do once he gets that kitten’s neck trapped in his strong jaw. Blow after blow comes, but I no longer feel a thing. My mind is suspended somewhere between reality and a dreamlike state. I know he’s hurting me, I can feel each punishing blow, but my body can’t seem to register the pain in my brain. Just when I feel myself start to slip away, suddenly Drew’s weight disappears. I can’t help but wonder if it’s finally over. Have I finally succumbed to his vicious attack? “Charlie.” I recognize the voice, but I can’t do anything to respond. It’s like my lips are stuck together and no matter what I do I can’t get them to part. “Charlie.” This time Decklan’s voice is closer, like he’s directly next to me. I’m not sure if he’s actually here or if it’s his voice I hear at the end of the line. Funny, I thought I would hear Paxton’s. “Fuck!” Decklan roars and I feel my body shift, but still, my mind can’t seem to connect the action. “Gavin! Stop, dude. Fucking stop!” I hear a commotion, and once again everything fades to blackness. “Hold on, Char. Fuck just hold on.” This time, when I come to, it’s Gavin’s voice I hear. White lights flood my vision, but I blink only once before I slowly slip back into unconsciousness, unable to hold on to the light for more than those few brief seconds.

Chapter Twenty Charlie “Charlie, can you hear me?” The voice calls to me from somewhere out of my reach. I can feel how close it is but just can’t seem to find my way there. “Char?” It’s closer this time. “Open your eyes.” “Open your eyes, Charlie.” Like a switch being flipped, my eyes flutter open. It’s dark. Not completely pitch black but dark enough that it takes me several moments to realize the person next to me is Gavin. His head is resting against my hand, his whispered words pleading for me to wake up. “Gavin.” His name is like sandpaper against my throat, but I manage to push it out. Like being jolted with electricity, he shoots upright, his gaze finding mine instantly. “Charlie.” Tears flood his vision as he pushes to his feet and hovers over me, clenching my hand in his. “Fuck, Char. I thought I had lost you.” He lets out a shaky exhale. Before I have time to process where I even am or what exactly is going on, images flash in front of my eyes. It’s like watching someone flip quickly through photographs; I get the gist of the story, but it comes in broken fragments and pieces. “Where’s Drew?” My mind races, trying to catch up. “He’s here.” Gavin’s voice is laced with apology. Fear grips my chest as I move to sit up, cringing when pain radiates down my left side. “Whoa, Char.” Gavin eases me back. “Relax. He can’t hurt you.” He reassures me. “His room is guarded by officers and the second he’s cleared by doctors, he’s gonna find himself in a cold ass jail cell. For the rest of his life if I have any say in the matter.” “What happened?” “I don’t really know. Deck and I stopped by to drop some stuff off for Mom. I heard you screaming all the way outside. I don’t know what happened next. One minute I’m watching this guy pound your head into the floor, the next he’s underneath me, his face nearly unrecognizable. If it wasn’t for Decklan, I’m fairly certain I would have killed him.” “The baby?” Tears immediately flood my vision because I feel like I already know what he’s going to say. “The doctor said the baby is fine.” He smiles when he sees the relief that floods my face. “You on the other hand.” He gives me a once over. “It’s bumps and bruises.” I smile, feeling the absolute joy of knowing the child I was so sure I had lost is still alive and well, tucked safely away inside me. “It’s nothing that won’t heal.” “Bumps and bruises.” Gavin can’t seem to grasp my reaction. “Char, you suffered a severe concussion, cracked ribs, and aside from the bumps and bruises as you so casually put it, you have twenty-two stitches across the back of your head.” “Like I said, nothing.” I laugh, the feeling of it vibrating through my chest almost a foreign feeling.

I look around the sterile hospital room, for the first time really processing my surroundings. I have no real grasp on time. Has it been days since Drew appeared in the kitchen in front of me or mere hours; I honestly don’t know. “Gavin.” I hear my mom’s voice just seconds before her petite frame appears in the doorway, her tear-stained eyes widening when she sees me looking back at her. “Mom,” I croak, emotion suddenly flooding my body. She is by my side, her arms wrapped gently around me before I can utter another word. Rocking me gently back and forth, I barely register Gavin as he quietly slips out into the hallway and disappears from view. “I’m so sorry, baby.” My mom kisses the top of my head before pulling back to look at me. “I’m okay,” I reassure her as she takes my hand and sits next to me on the bed. “I should have been home. I should have been there.” “No,” I object, silencing her words. “I’m glad you weren’t there. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something had happened to you too.” “Why didn’t you tell me?” Her tear-filled gaze holds mine, questioning. “Because I knew how badly it would hurt you to know someone hurt me. I didn’t want to do that to you,” I say, assuming at this point Pam has already filled her in. “You should have told me. Pam should have told me.” “I know, Mom, and I’m sorry.” I squeeze her hand. “I don’t want to focus on that right now.” She brushes the subject away, swiping at her fallen tears with the hand not currently holding mine. “What matters is that you’re okay and that the baby is okay.” “Does Paxton know?” The question falls from my lips before I really even have a chance to consider my words. “Decklan has been trying to reach him for a little while now.” She shakes her head. “Everything has been so chaotic the last couple of hours that I’m not entirely sure if he’s gotten a hold of him yet.” She gives me an apologetic look. “But Harlee is here, thank God.” She lets out a small nervous laugh. “I don’t think I could have handled your brother without her.” “What time is it?” I roll my head to the side, stopping my search for a wall clock when my mom answers my question. “Just after eight thirty.” “Eight-thirty?” I question, my brow arching in confusion. “You were unconscious for almost six hours. The doctors were worried maybe you had some swelling on your brain, but thankfully that all came back clear. Speaking of which”—she stops mid-thought and stands, releasing my hand—“I should probably let someone know you’re awake.” “Mom,” I call to her just as she turns toward the door. “I’ll make sure he knows,” she responds without me having to say a single word, giving me a relieffilled smile. “Thank you,” I whisper just moments before she disappears into the hallway. I barely have any time to wrap my head around the day’s events before a nurse appears, pulling in what looks like an old school computer monitor sitting on top of a wheeled cart. Moments later two more nurses appear, followed by an older gentleman who steps inside and closes the door behind him. I can only assume the older man, who stops directly next to the bed, is the doctor based on his white lab jacket, blue scrubs, and the stethoscope hanging around his neck. He introduces himself at Dr. Schaller, before running through a series of questions, seeming to be satisfied with each response I give him. “All your blood work came back good and the baby’s heartbeat sounded nice and strong, but we are going to go ahead and have a quick peek just to be a hundred percent sure that everything looks good,” he

explains, gesturing to the ancient looking computer which I now realize is actually an ultrasound machine. “The police are waiting to speak to you,” he informs me just moments after introducing me to Kelly, the pretty middle-aged brunette who will be my ultrasound technician. “But only when you’re ready,” he reassures me, seeing the look of panic that crosses my face. I’m not ready. I’m not sure that I’ll ever be ready. I know it’s necessary, but truth be told, I’m not even really all that sure what I remember from today. As if sensing where my mind is, he gives me a warm smile, patting the back of my hand before he and the other two nurses excuse themselves from the room, killing the lights on their way out the door. The room is now only illuminated by the soft hue of the computer screen sitting next to me as Kelly positions my body and lifts my gown, squirting a cold gel across the middle of my stomach. “Just try to relax.” She gives me a reassuring smile as she presses the probe against my bruised skin and glides it gently across my mid-section. Nothing I see really looks like anything at all. That is until she stops just to the right of my belly button and clicks the mouse, dragging it from one section of the screen to the other. “There’s your baby,” she says, pulling my eyes back up to the image on the monitor. It isn’t until that moment that I see it. I see my baby. Paxton’s baby. The tiny, precious, beautiful little person we created. It’s still very small but large enough that I can make out the head, body, and the profile of its little face. My chest swells and emotion lodges deep in my chest as I take in the sight. It almost doesn’t seem real. The baby is only probably the size of a small fruit, but already I love it more than I thought possible to love anything. “Hi, baby.” Tears flood my vision as I talk to the monitor. “From what I can tell everything looks great,” Kelly says, pulling my gaze back to her. “You’re not far enough along to see the sex of the baby yet,” she explains. “Probably around twenty weeks they will do another ultrasound to determine that.” “Which will be when exactly?” I ask, having no real idea how far along I even am. “My first appointment is next week,” I quickly explain. “I’d say based on the size and development that you are right around ten weeks,” she says, dropping the probe onto the cart before printing a few pictures out and handing them to me. “I’ll make sure the nurse has your doctor’s information so that we can send everything over to their office before your appointment next week.” She gives me a light pat on my arm and then exits the room with the ultrasound machine in tow. I’m too busy staring at the pictures she gave me to acknowledge her departure. Ten weeks... I try to do the math in my head, trying to pinpoint when this could have happened. If I’m ten weeks along then that means I got pregnant in Vegas. I can’t for the life of me figure out how I didn’t catch on to the fact that I was pregnant sooner. When I found out, I thought for sure I was only three or four weeks at most. I mean, up until a couple weeks ago I had no symptoms at all that I can recall. Vegas... I let my mind drift back to the night Paxton found me in the casino. The way he looked at me. The way he smiled at me. The way he guided me toward the elevator, both of us knowing exactly what we wanted. It’s crazy to think about that now. Never in my wildest dreams did I envision this would happen when I was staring up at the ceiling of Paxton’s hotel room, his body gliding on top of mine. I was too lost in his touch, in his smell, in the way his body filled me so completely. Scooting up the hard mattress, I cringe when pain once again shoots down my side, pulling my mind back to Drew and the events that took place over the last few hours. I’m afraid to consider what would have happened to me, to the tiny human growing inside of me, had Gavin and Decklan not shown up when they did. They saved both of us.

Resting my head back onto the pillow, my eyes feel extremely tired, despite the fact that I’ve been unconscious most of the evening. Giving into the strain, I close them, already feeling myself drift within seconds. The sound of the door and my mother’s soft voice pulls me back just as I’m verging on the cusp. Blinking, I barely register her face before she is hovering over me, kissing the top of my head. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” she says, pulling back to see my eyes focused on her face. “You didn’t,” I say, forgetting all about the pictures still clenched in my hand until my mom pulls them from my grip. She looks down at them for several seconds before her tear-filled gaze finally reaches mine. “Decklan got a hold of Paxton,” she finally says after a long moment of silence. “He’s on the phone with him now.” My heart hammers violently against my ribs at the news. It’s been too long since I’ve seen his handsome face. Too long since I’ve gazed into those brilliant green eyes of his. Too long since I’ve felt the burn of my skin under his touch. I miss him terribly. More now than I think I ever have before. Going through this, knowing I barely made it out on the other side with my life, it’s enough to put things into real perspective. Earlier today I stood the risk of never seeing Paxton again. The thought brings the burn of tears back to my eyes. “What if he doesn’t want to see me?” I voice a concern I didn’t even know I harbored until the words leave my lips. “He will,” my mom reassures me, once again leaning forward to kiss my head. “Sometimes it takes something like this happening for people to realize just what they stand to lose.” She smiles, but I can see the sadness behind it. “Hey.” I grab her hand, clenching it between my own. “I’m okay,” I reassure her. “You’re okay.” She breathes, finally letting the knowledge sink in. Staring back at me with loving eyes, it isn’t until this moment that I realize I am for her what this baby is for me. I’m her child. I’m part of her. And she thought for a moment that she was going to lose me, just as I had thought I was going to lose my child as well. Pulling her into a hug, I squeeze her as tightly as my sore, bruised body can tolerate. “I love you, Mom,” I whisper against her ear. “And I love you, my sweet girl,” she answers, backing out of my embrace with tears running down her cheeks. Swiping them away, she takes a deep breath and smiles. “I’m going to let you get some rest. You need it,” she says, patting my arm gently. I nod, knowing that if I close my eyes right now, I’d likely be asleep within seconds. I watch her back slowly out of the room, able to hold on long enough to watch the door latch behind her before my heavy eyelids finally give way to the weight. I have only one lingering thought as my mind flutters off to sleep—Paxton.

Chapter Twenty-one Paxton “What do you mean she was attacked?” I can’t control the shake in my voice. “We don’t know all the details yet,” he says calmly. “But she’s pretty banged up.” “I’m on my way.” I click the phone off before Decklan can say another word. It isn’t until then that I see I have a missed call and voicemail from Charlie from almost two hours prior. My heart beats violently against my chest as I hit the play button and hold the phone back up to my ear. At first, I can’t figure out what’s going on. I can hear voices, but they’re muffled and are impossible to make out. It isn’t until I hear Charlie scream his name that I realize what’s happening. “It’s Drew.” I hear the panic in her voice just seconds before the call goes dead. My hands are shaking as I lower the phone, staring at the device for several moments before the urgency to get to her seems to take hold. I hop in my car and fire the engine to life. I speed out of the parking lot like my fucking life depends on it. I race through downtown, weaving in and out of traffic. I don’t care that I’m cutting people off. I don’t care that I just ran my second red light. All I can think is that I have to see her. I have to know she’s okay, that the baby’s okay. The thought that this could somehow work out any other way is something I can’t even entertain. I have just one thought—Charlie... And right now I’m doing everything in my power to get to her. **** I make it to the hospital in record fucking time. It’s a wonder I didn’t get pulled over along the way, though I’m not sure I would have stopped had they tried. A five car police chase could have ensued, and there still was no fucking way I would have stopped until I reached Charlie. I head to the Emergency Room before being directed to the third floor. She’s been admitted, which fucking terrifies me, but at least it’s to a regular room and not Intensive Care. I spot Decklan the second I turn the corner that houses the third-floor waiting area. He’s pacing back and forth, looking nervously to his right where Gavin is leaning against a wall, two police officers directly in front of him. “Where is she?” Deck spins the second he hears my voice. As much as I want to know every single fucking thing that’s going on right now, I’m too anxious to see Charlie, to know that she’s okay. Nothing else really matters. “You can’t see her right now,” he responds, running his hands through his hair. “She’s being questioned by police.” “Is she okay? What happened? What the fuck is going on?” I hit him with multiple questions without giving him the chance to respond.

“She’s okay. The baby is okay.” My heart damn near explodes in my chest, and it takes everything in me not to break down and cry right here and now. “She’s got a couple broken ribs,” he continues. “Some pretty substantial bruising and they had to do quite a few stitches across the back of her head.” “What happened?” I try to keep my shit together, though right now I really don’t give two fucks that Deck can clearly see how distraught I am. “I’m still a little sketchy on the details. From what I overheard Rosie telling Gavin, apparently, Charlie was in a pretty abusive relationship while she was in New York, which I guess is why she came home.” My stomach twists violently. Of course, I knew about this already, but Charlie never once led on that the relationship was like this. I curse myself for not pushing her harder, for not forcing her to give me the complete truth. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing by giving her time and space to tell me in her own way. Now I see that I should have flown to New York and killed that mother fucker the second I learned that he put his hands on her. “I guess he’s been stalking her for a while,” Deck continues, pulling me back to the present. “I don’t really know much else except what Gavin and I walked in on. Fuck, man.” He lets out a slow sigh, once again running his hand through his hair. “I’ve never seen anything like that before. Shit scared the fuck out of me.” “What did? What happened?” I don’t try to hide my frustration that I even have to ask. “Gavin had me run over to Rosie’s with him to drop off some shit. The second we pulled in we could hear her screaming.” He shakes his head as if to somehow wipe the memory from his mind. “I knew instantly something was wrong. There was a terror in her voice, something I’ve never heard before.” He hits me with emotional eyes, rubbing the back of his neck. He pauses for a brief moment to collect himself, clearly very affected by the whole ordeal. “Dude was on top of her when we walked in. He had her pinned down and was literally just bashing her head into the floor. Gavin was on him so quick I had barely even moved before he was tearing him to pieces. All I could see was Charlie. Face swollen, blood all over the floor. Scared the fuck out of me, dude.” “Where the fuck is he?” My nostrils flare as my anger takes over, driving my actions. “Gavin better have fucking killed him, because if he didn’t, I’m going to fucking finish the job.” “He damn near did. Beat him half to fucking death before I had the chance to pull him off.” “Why the fuck would you pull him off?” I spit, my voice pulling the attention of one of the officers currently talking to Gavin. “Keep your shit together, Pax.” Deck pulls my attention back to him. “I pulled him off of him because I didn’t want to see Gavin spend the rest of his fucking life in jail for killing someone. I get your pissed, I do. But there’s no reason to go make shit worse.” “Where is he?” I repeat through gritted teeth. “He’s down the hall.” He quickly continues when my eyes go wide, “He’s under police guard and will be transported to jail as soon as the doctors clear him.” “Well, he better hope that time comes before I decide to pay his room a little visit.” I pop my neck, my actions fueled by rage. “Don’t make this worse, Pax. Charlie needs you right now. Your child needs you.” His words cause an entirely new flood of emotions to take hold, and I can feel my eyes widen as I stare back at him in complete shock. “Didn’t think I knew?” He lets out a low chuckle, shaking his head. “I don’t have my head up my ass like our good friend over there.” He gestures toward Gavin. “Anyone who cared enough to look could see

it. You two stare at each other like you have blinders on; like you can’t see the rest of the world when you’re both in the same room.” “Fuck, dude, I...” I move to explain. “Don’t,” he interrupts, holding his hand up as a signal to stop. “You don’t have to explain your shit to me. I, of all people, know what it’s like to love someone you shouldn’t. Sometimes you just have no control over who the fuck claims your heart.” “I didn’t expect for it to turn into this,” I admit, letting out a slow exhale. “How long?” “Vegas,” I answer on a shrug. “Fucking Vegas.” He laughs, smiling for the first time since I arrived. “But kind of before that too,” I admit. “Damn, dude. I can’t believe he hasn’t figured your shit out yet.” His gaze flips toward Gavin. “He’s going to fucking kill me isn’t he?” I look over at Gavin as well, watching him trying to hold in his temper as he tries to explain what happened to the police officers. “He might,” he admits, nudging my shoulder to get my attention. Pointing toward a door about fifteen feet down the hall, the second I see the two officers exiting, talking quietly among themselves, I take off in that direction without saying another word. Right now it doesn’t matter that one of my best friends just told me I'd been outed. All I care about is getting to Charlie. I reach her door in record time, letting out a slow, controlled breath before slowly pushing my way inside. The moment her face turns toward me, recognition in her eyes, I lose my fucking grip. Tears flooding my vision, I’m at her side within seconds, looking down at her beaten, bruised body with so much fucking regret I can barely hold myself together. “You came.” Her voice is weak, but she seems completely alert, smiling up at me like she actually believed I wouldn’t. “Of course I did.” My voice breaks slightly, and I have to take a few calming breaths to steady my raging heartbeat. My eyes scan her face where bruises line the complete right side, a small cut just above her eyebrow. Her bottom lip is slightly swollen, and I can see gauze packed against the back of her head. “Fuck, Char.” My voice comes out as a sob as I drop to her stomach, my head resting gently against it. “I’m so fucking sorry,” I whisper to the baby. My baby. Our baby. It still seems so fucking surreal. When I look up, tears are streaming down Charlie’s face as she watches me, her hand tangling gently in my hair. “I’m so sorry, Char. I let this happen.” I slide onto the small hospital bed with her, gently pulling her into my arms. She comes to me willingly and fuck does it feel so good to feel her against me. “You didn’t do this,” She reassures me, snuggling her face into my chest. “I should have protected you, both of you.” I rest my hand on her lower belly. “Instead, I pushed you away. I didn’t keep my promise never to let him hurt you again. Fuck, Charlie, he could have killed you.” “But he didn’t.” She silences my rant. “I’m okay. The baby is okay. Everything is okay,” she whispers, tightening her grip on me. How is it that she’s the one laying in the fucking hospital bed, and it’s her soothing me and not the other way around? “I love you.” I pull her flush against me, kissing the top of her head, careful not to touch the injured parts. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” She snuggles deeper into my embrace, her words sending my heart fucking soaring. “Do you want to see something?” She pulls back slightly, hitting me with a smile that just about melts me to fucking liquid. Nodding my head, I reluctantly release my hold on her as she turns, retrieving something from the bedside table. Pushing up into a sitting position, she cringes in pain but refuses to let me help her when I try. “Look.” She waits until I’m sitting upright next to her before handing me a long, narrow strip of paper. It takes me a minute to figure out what I’m looking at but once I do, a whole new onset of tears form and for the life of me, I can’t fucking breathe. “Is this...” My throat clogs with emotion. “That’s our baby,” she whispers next to me, resting her head on my shoulder as she looks down at the ultrasound pictures in my hand. “Our baby,” I repeat the words, the reality hitting me with a wave of happiness I didn’t know I had in me to feel. “So little,” I say more to myself than to her. “I’m ten weeks,” she says, pulling my gaze from the photos. “Ten weeks,” I repeat, too fucking overwhelmed to think about trying to calculate that in my head. “Vegas,” she adds, her smile spreading. “So you’ve been pregnant this whole time?” I ask, somewhat in shock. “Obviously I had no idea, but yes.” “When I think about what could have happened if Gavin and Deck hadn’t shown up.” I take a long look at Charlie, for the first really considering exactly how much I stood to lose. “Don’t.” She shakes her head, putting her hand to my cheek as she turns my face toward her. “Don’t do that to yourself. Yes, it could have been worse, but it wasn’t. I shouldn’t have underestimated Drew. This would never have happened had I just admitted to myself what I knew he was capable of. I should have reported him the first time he laid his hands on me, but I didn’t. I almost lost our child because of my inability to see past what I wanted to see. This is on me.” “No.” I refuse to let her take the blame for this. “Yes,” she insists instantly. “And that is something I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life. Things can always be worse; today I’m just grateful that I’m here, that our baby is here. I can deal with anything as long as I know that the three of us are together.” “Just try and get rid of me,” I tease, bumping her nose playfully with mine. “Never.” She leans in, pressing our lips together. I revel in the feeling of knowing what I feared I had lost is right here, in my grasp. I deepen the kiss, letting the raw emotion I feel bleed through onto Charlie, willing her to feel the love swelling so intensely inside of me that I feel like my body is going to rip apart from the pressure. Pure fucking bliss. That’s the only way to describe it. This moment. This life. This girl. It’s fucking magic. I don’t hear the door latch closed until Charlie jumps slightly, breaking our connection. I flip my gaze upward to see the glowing burn of Gavin’s eyes as he stares daggers at me. So much for my perfect fucking moment.

Chapter Twenty-two Charlie “What the fuck?” It’s the first words Gavin has uttered since he walked into my room, what feels like hours ago, to find me and Paxton kissing. Paxton tenses next to me but doesn’t shrink under Gavin’s menacing glare. I, on the other hand, am shaking so bad you would think I have some kind of medical condition. My entire body is literally trembling. “What the fuck are you doing?” His gaze is locked on Paxton, not once shifting to me. “Before you flip the fuck out...” Paxton holds his hands up, slowly standing from the bed. “Let me explain.” “Explain what?” Gavin roars. “How you’re in here making out with my fucking sister?” “I’m not just making out with her.” Paxton glances down at me, a small reassuring smile pulling up the corner of his mouth. I know it’s his way of trying to show me that everything is okay even, though it feels far from okay at the moment. “I’m in love with her,” he says, not taking his eyes off of me. My heart flip-flops in my chest at his words and despite the current situation, I can’t stop the smile his statement brings to my face. A smile that instantly vanishes the moment Gavin reminds me of his presence. “I’m sorry, you’re what?” he screams, looking between the two of us like he can’t possibly believe it to be true. “Gavin.” Harlee’s voice pulls my attention to where she’s standing halfway hidden behind him. I didn’t even realize she was in the room until this very moment. Squeezing his bicep, she tries to urge him backward out of the room. “Perhaps this isn’t the time or place,” she suggests gently. “I didn’t realize there was a time or place to have two people you trusted fuck you straight up the ass,” he bites, not looking in her direction. Hitting me with an apologetic look, she doesn’t say more, but I can tell by her stance that she’s ready to step in if it becomes necessary. “Don’t make this about you, Gavin,” I finally speak up, able to find my voice. “That’s rich, coming from someone who clearly only cares about herself,” he bites, his words dripping with venom. I fight back the tears that threaten to spill, knowing he only says these things out of anger. It’s hard to hold my emotions in given everything I’ve been through today. “Gavin, I love you, man, but if you continue to talk to Charlie that way, we’re gonna have a fucking problem,” Paxton interrupts the staring contest currently taking place between my brother and me. “Seriously?” Gavin twists his gaze and gawks openly at Paxton. “We’re gonna have a problem?” he questions. “Pretty sure we already have a very big fucking problem. Starting with you minding your fucking business when I’m speaking to my sister.”

“Well she’s my girlfriend, so I won’t just sit here and let you berate her.” “Wait.” Gavin pauses, seeming just now to connect the dots. “No.” He shakes his head slowly back and forth, his eyes dancing between the two of us. “He’s the father?” He looks at me, a wildness to his eyes. I nod my head, unable to push the words out. “You’re the fucking father?” Gavin’s voice bounces off the walls around us, his gaze now locked so firmly on Paxton it feels like he’s trying to rip him to shreds with his eyes. “I am.” Paxton doesn’t waiver, his calm demeanor the only thing keeping me from freaking the hell out right now. “You... You sat there and listened to me talk about how disappointed I was, how shocked I was. All the while you were the one who put her in this position to begin with?” “To be fair, he didn’t know,” I interject. “I found out from you,” Paxton adds. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” He cocks a brow. “How long?” He lets the question hang for a long moment. “How long have you been fucking my sister?” he roars, his temper teetering. “Gavin!” I interject. “Not now, Charlie. This is between me and someone I thought was my brother,” he bites. “I am your brother. This doesn’t change us, dude.” Paxton tries to reason with him. “Like hell it doesn’t change things between us. Are you fucking kidding me right now, dude?” He twists the word, mocking it. “What do you seem to be having trouble grasping here? Not only have you been fucking my sister behind my back, but you knocked her fucking up in the process. You’ve been lying to me for who knows how fucking long.” “We were just trying to figure things out,” I once again interject. “I said not now, Charlie!” he grinds out, not even looking in my direction. “How long?” “Since before I left for New York!” I scream, tired of him dismissing me like some child who can’t speak for herself. “What?” He turns wide eyes on me. “My eighteenth birthday party,” I add, a slight shake to my voice. “You wanted to know when it started, you got your answer.” “Almost four years?” Gavin rolls the thought over, letting out a laugh that reminds me more of a wild animal than a rational man. “It was only right before she left,” Paxton intervenes. “We didn’t see or speak to each other again until she returned home a few months ago. I tried to stay away from her, Gavin, I swear to you I did. But fuck me, I’m powerless where she’s concerned.” “And that’s just supposed to make everything better?” Gavin’s voice goes up an octave. “You tried to stay away from her so I should just forgive the fact that one of my best fucking friends and my fucking sister of all people have been lying to me for years.” “It’s killed us to keep this from you!” I fight through the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. I hate seeing the hurt in his eyes. The betrayal he feels so clearly written across his face. “Clearly it hasn’t been too difficult,” he bites. “It’s eaten at me since the beginning,” Paxton speaks up, obviously the one who stands the most to lose here. I’m Gavin’s sister. Sooner or later, he has to forgive me. Paxton, on the other hand, doesn’t have that guarantee. For the first time, I’m actually starting to realize what he risked to be with me. “Don’t fucking spew your petty shit to me about how awful you felt or how hard it was to lie to me. At the end of the day, you still went through with it.” He throws his hands up in the air. “You got me,” he huffs out in defeat. “Good job. Perfect Paxton Stewart. With your perfect fucking hair and your perfect

fucking clothes and your perfect fucking talent. You didn’t already have it all. No.” Gavin shakes his head, his face contorted in anger. “You just had to have more.” “My life is not fucking perfect,” Paxton interrupts prompting a deep laugh to explode from Gavin’s throat. “Was this some kind of game to you? Did you think to yourself, what can I do next to prove to the world that I can have and do anything I want? Charlie, Paxton? Charlie?” he questions like he still can’t believe it. “I love her.” “Fuck you.” Gavin’s words drip with disbelief. “You don’t fucking know what it means to love someone. If you did, you wouldn’t have felt the need to keep her a secret. She’s just another fucking conquest to you. You always want what you can’t have, right?” “I didn’t keep her secret because my feelings aren’t real. I kept her a secret because I knew you would never let me have her. You would’ve swooped in and crushed it before we ever even had a chance to figure out what this thing between us was. We both knew that.” He gestures between the two of us. “Oh, so now this is my fault.” Gavin nods, his nostrils flaring. “That’s not what I’m saying.” “No, I got you loud and clear. It’s my fault that two of the closest people to me have been lying to my face. I forgot, perfect Paxton can do no wrong.” “Would you fucking stop?” Paxton’s voice goes up, and I can tell he’s losing his patience quickly. “My life is far from perfect, and you fucking know it. But you know what, through all the shit and all the pain, I found a silver lining. Why can’t you just be happy for us?” “Because I fucking know you, Paxton.” Gavin crosses slowly toward him. “You will get tired of being tied down. You’ll crave the life you used to have until eventually, you walk away completely.” He stops when the two are practically nose to nose. “Where does that leave Charlie? Brokenhearted and left to raise your child, that’s where.” “Do you not know me at all?” Paxton gapes at Gavin. “How could you ever think I would do that, ever?” “There’s a lot of things I never thought you were capable of.” He shoves at Paxton’s chest. “Guess I was wrong. You are exactly the son your mother accused you of being. Selfish, careless, out for one thing and one thing only; himself. No wonder she got rid of you when she did. Wish we had all been so lucky.” I can tell by the look on Paxton’s face that this is his breaking point. Before I can even process his movements, his right fist connects with Gavin’s jaw on a loud crack causing my brother to go tumbling backward, clearly caught off guard. “You mother fucker.” Gavin lunges at Paxton, and the two go toppling to the floor. The scene in front of me morphs into a blur of rolling bodies, grunts, and thuds as they lay punch after punch. Sliding out of the bed, pain radiates through my body as I grip Gavin by the shoulders and tug, trying my hardest to get him off of Paxton. He shakes off the contact and rears back, laying a hard punch to Paxton’s left eye. The skin below splits and blood pours down his face. Paxton barely flinches before finding enough footing to turn the tables on Gavin as he flips him over, gaining the upper hand. “Please stop,” I plead, tugging at Paxton’s arm. His wild eyes find mine for a fraction of a second before Gavin’s fist connects with his jaw from below, knocking him into me. I topple backward, crying out from the pain that shoots through my battered body when I connect with the floor. Like being awoken from a dream, Paxton pushes off of Gavin and is by my side, swooping me into his arms. Blood runs from his eye and bottom lip, as he drops his forehead to mine.

“Fuck. Fuck. I’m so sorry, baby,” he chants, setting me gently on top of the bed. “Get out.” I point toward the door, cocking my head to pin my gaze on Gavin just as he pushes himself up from the floor. “You heard her.” Gavin spits a mouthful of blood onto the floor. “Get out.” “I’m talking to you,” I bite, tears flowing down my cheeks. “Get out of my room!” I scream. Before he can respond, a nurse comes flying in, her face flushed with panic, clearly having overheard the commotion from outside. Honestly, I’m surprised it’s taken this long for someone to come rushing in. “What is going on in here?” Her wide eyes dart around the room “Gavin.” Harlee steps up next to him, wrapping her hand around his forearm. “Charlie shouldn’t be dealing with this right now.” She urges him toward the door, but she’s not nearly strong enough to budge his massive frame. “You all need to leave.” The nurse steps further into the room, followed by a panicked looking Decklan who seems to know immediately what has happened. “Fuck,” he mutters, crossing the room toward Gavin. Clamping down on his shoulder, he says something that only Gavin can hear. My brother considers whatever it is Decklan says, nods once, and then quickly exits the room, not looking at Paxton or me as he storms out. Harlee throws me an apologetic look before following the two men from the room, leaving only the furious looking nurse behind. “You need to leave.” She rounds on Paxton, but I immediately intervene. “No.” I stop her mid-step. “I want him to stay.” “Are you sure?” She hits me with a surprised expression. “I promise, you will have no more trouble out of me.” Paxton’s voice comes out calm and collected, which is the complete opposite of what I expect from him. “I apologize for the altercation.” “It’s fine,” I reassure her. “Please.” “Okay.” She backs away slowly, clearly questioning if she should. “But if I hear one more peep out of you, I will have security escort you out, and you will not be permitted back here.” She warns, giving Paxton one last warning glare before disappearing into the hall. Like it all seems just to have hit him, Paxton collapses to his knees, his head going to my lap as he tries to pull himself together. “I’m so fucking sorry, Char.” His voice is muffled against the fabric of my hospital gown. I run my fingers slowly through his hair, doing my best to soothe him. “Don’t be.” My voice is so low, it might as well be a whisper. “I’m sorry Gavin said those things about your mom,” I say, prompting him to look up, meeting my gaze. “I deserved it.” He shakes his head slowly, side to side. “No, you didn’t.” I urge him to his feet. Slowly he straightens his posture, using the bottom of his shirt to wipe away some of the blood still dripping down his face from the small gash under his left eye. “I fucked this up.” He scolds himself as he slides down onto the bed next to me, our legs touching as they hang over the side. “We both did.” I grab his hand, giving it a squeeze. “Are you okay?” The fact that I fell seems to just now really resonate with him. “I’m fine. Really,” I add when he eyes me skeptically. “Fuck, I’m just fucking everything up.” “Don’t.” I reach out, sliding my hand under his chin to turn his face toward me. With our close proximity, I can see some light bruising forming above his right eye and more lining his jaw, though his facial hair makes it almost impossible to see.

“I know things are really messy right now, but we’re good. You and me. I know nothing else is, but we are.” “I fucking love you, Charlie Porter.” He drops his forehead against mine, letting out a deep exhale. “I fucking love you too,” I whisper back, knowing that there’s no truer statement in the world.

Chapter Twenty-three Paxton “You sure you’re okay?” I help Charlie onto the couch, lowering her as slow as I can, not to disturb her broken ribs. “Would you stop fussing over me?” She swats at my hand playfully, sinking back into the cushions on a relieved sigh. “It’s my job to fuss over you,” I remind her, giving her a playful smirk. “Oh God, so you’re that guy now?” She takes a playful jab at me. “Better get used to it, baby.” I wink, leaning down to press a light kiss to her lips. “Stay.” She clings to the back of my head when I move to pull away. “I’m not going anywhere,” I promise, kissing her again. “Except to the kitchen to get you something to eat. It’s been nearly five hours since you’ve had anything. You’re eating for two now remember?” I kiss the tip of her nose before straightening my posture. “You are that guy now.” She lets out on an exasperated sigh, crossing her arms over her chest in a playful huff. “I thought maybe you were just messing with me.” “Would you prefer I be a distant asshole instead?” I ask, watching a smile spread across her still bruised but incredibly beautiful face. “I like when you play hard to get.” She winks. “I can’t even pretend anymore, Char. You’ve got me, and your hooks are in deep.” I revel in the smile that brightens her entire face. “Besides, hard to get was always your thing,” I tease back, prompting the cutest fucking eye roll from Charlie. “Shush,” she barks, trying to act serious. “Now go get me some food, man servant. I’m hungry.” She points toward the kitchen, a scowl on her face. “As you command.” I give her a playful bow before winking, not missing the laughter that bubbles in her throat just moments before I exit the room. “Anything you’re in the mood for?” I call from the hallway just as I step into the kitchen, which sits just a few short feet from where Charlie is. “French toast.” Rosie’s voice makes me jump, and I spin to see her sitting at the table, a cup of tea in front of her. “Sorry, Rosie, I didn’t know you were home.” I hold my hand to my chest. “I always craved French toast when I was pregnant with Charlie,” she continues without missing a beat. “Tim couldn’t take me to eat anywhere that didn’t have it for nearly my entire pregnancy. Needless to say, it was a long pregnancy for him.” She leans back in her chair, lifting her cup to her lips. “I don’t know, I think I could eat French toast for the next few months.” I smile. “You say that now. Tim didn’t look at breakfast food again until Charlie was probably two or three. I guess he got burnt out.” She laughs lightly to herself before taking a drink of her tea. “French toast,” I hear Charlie yell from the living room, clearly having been thinking about what she wants since the moment I asked. Rosie and I both look at each other with wide smiles on our faces.

“And so it begins.” She laughs, shaking her head slowly as she pushes out of her seat and crosses the kitchen toward the refrigerator. Reaching out, I take the egg carton she extends to me and set it on the counter before grabbing the bread from the box in front of me. “Rosie,” I start, feeling like I just need to say something. We have yet to discuss anything relating to Charlie. I don’t know how she feels about any of this, especially the baby. Given that she’s always been like a second mom to me, I feel I at least owe her an explanation. “Here.” She sets a half-gallon of milk next to me. “And no, you don’t have to explain anything,” she responds, retrieving a bowl from the cabinet above her before reaching for the eggs. Am I that easy to read or does she really just know me that well? “I just need you to know that I love Charlie.” I turn slightly to face her as she cracks an egg shell and empties the contents into the bowl. “I know you do.” She doesn’t look at me as she repeats the process with another egg. “I’m going to take care of her and the baby. I swear to you. I will make her happy.” “I know you will.” She finally meets my gaze, a small smile pulling up her lips. “She means everything to me.” “I know she does.” She reaches out, cupping my cheek. “You don’t have to convince me of one single thing, Paxton Stewart.” She pats my face before letting her hand fall. “I know you. I know the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.” She chuckles, once again reminding me of some of the very embarrassing things Rosie may or may not have caught me doing in my youth. “Yeah, about that...” I laugh nervously. “But more than anything,” she interrupts without hesitation. “I see the way you look at my daughter. And I see the way she looks at you.” She takes a long pause before continuing, “I didn’t know what happened to her in New York when she came home, but I knew something was off. There was a shadow in her eyes like someone had snuffed out her light. She smiled and acted like everything was fine, but deep down I knew something dark was brewing inside of her. That is, until you. You changed her, Paxton. You brought her back to life. You put the light back in her eyes. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.” “You don’t have to thank me for anything,” I insist, feeling like I should be thanking her for being so incredibly supportive when I’ve given her hundreds of reasons over the years not to trust me. “You’ll understand soon enough.” Her eyes well with tears but not a single one falls. “You’ll hold that baby in your arms and nothing else will matter. You will spend the rest of your life praying that that child finds the happiness you have given mine. That’s all it’s about in the end. You want to leave this world knowing that you did everything you could to ensure your children’s happiness.” “I’m nervous,” I admit, letting out a slow breath. “I’d be worried if you weren’t.” She laughs lightly, turning her attention back to the bowl of eggs in front of her. “When I was pregnant with Mia, Tim was a wreck. He was so certain he was going to muck it up even though I told him over and over again how amazing I knew he would be. You see who was right.” She nudges me with her hip as she whips the eggs with a fork. “I just wish things with Gavin weren’t so rocky right now.” I let out a deep sigh. “Give him time. He’ll come around.” “I’m not so sure about that.” “I am.” She says it like there’s no question in her mind. Wish I shared her optimism. “You are like a brother to Gavin. Brothers fight. But the three of you are thick as thieves. There’s no way he will let something like this ruin that bond. I know it may not seem like it now, but this is something you will look back on one day and laugh about.”

“I don’t know, Rosie. I lied to him. I feel like I pissed on that bond pretty good.” She eyes me sternly for my choice of words. “Do you regret it?” Her question catches me off guard. Do I regret it? Would I go back and do it all over again if I knew the outcome would be the same? Yes. Yes, I would. “No.” I shake my head, wishing I felt guiltier for my answer. “Then there you have it. Sometimes you have to do what’s right for you. Whether Gavin likes it not, you’re family. And we stand by our family no matter what.” She gives me a sincere smile, letting me know she means every word. “I was going to do this ya know?” I finally turn back toward the counter, handing Rosie the milk when she reaches for it. “I know, but I like it. Before too long I won’t have anyone to cook for on a daily basis. I assume Charlie is moving in with you.” She hits me with a sideways glance. “We haven’t really figured all that out yet, but I think that’s the plan. I’ve been thinking about buying a house a little closer out this way,” I admit. “But you just moved into the condo,” she interjects. “It’s worth it, though. I don’t really like the idea of raising a child in downtown Portland. Plus, I think Charlie would be happier closer to you, not to mention school.” “See, I knew I was right about you.” She waves her finger at me playfully. “Don’t count me out just yet. I may still prove you wrong,” I tease, turning when I hear a soft throat clear behind us. “Babe, why are you up?” I’m in front of Charlie within seconds, guiding her toward the kitchen table. “I came to see what’s taking my French toast so long. You two Chatty Cathy’s in here.” She gestures between her mom and me, swatting at me when I attempt to help her sit. “I’m capable of walking and sitting on my own you know?” “I just don’t want you to push yourself too hard too fast,” I say, wondering when the hell I became so overprotective. She’s right... I am that guy. “Mom, would you please tell this man to stop,” she calls to Rosie for backup. “I will do no such thing,” she says, facing away from us as she drops a couple slices of French toast onto the griddle. “He’s right.” She finally spins toward us. “It’s not just you anymore.” “What the crap is with you two?” She throws her hands up in playful defeat. “Are you in cahoots?” “Maybe we are.” I slide down in the chair next to Charlie. Lifting her hand from the table, I turn it face up and gently kiss her palm. “I love you,” I mouth, loving the way heat rushes to her face every time I say it. “I love you,” she mouths back before her wide gaze flips behind me. “Sorry. Fuck. I didn’t realize.” Gavin flusters in the doorway and then spins around, disappearing as quickly as he appeared. “Don’t.” Charlie grabs my forearm when I move to stand. “I’m just going to talk to him,” I reassure her, leaning forward to lay a gentle kiss to her forehead before taking off after Gavin. I catch up to him just as he rounds his truck on the street corner and peels the driver’s side door open. “Gav, wait,” I call out, surprised when he hesitates instead of climbing in. “What?” he bites, clearly still angry with me. “Want to take another swing at me?” He points to his right eye which is a dark purple and still slightly swollen from our altercation a couple of days ago.

“I’m fucking sorry, dude.” I step up to the side of the truck just feet in front of him. “I never should have hit you.” “I shouldn’t have said that shit about your mom. That was a dick move,” he grumbles, slamming the driver’s door before leaning casually against it, his hands shoved in his pockets. “I don’t know how to fix this. But I need to fix it. You’re my fucking family, man. I can’t stand this wall between us.” “You’re the one that chose this.” He hits me with a hard glare, but I can sense the hurt behind the mask. “You’re right. I did. And I would do it all over again if it meant that Charlie would be mine. But that doesn’t mean I don’t regret the way shit went down. I lied to you. I know that’s fucking huge.” “We’ve always been honest with each other. Me. You. Deck. It fucking sucks because I don’t feel like I can trust you anymore.” He scratches the scruff across his chin, having clearly not shaved for days. “This isn’t about Charlie,” he continues. “I mean, it is. Fuck, dude, you knocked up my fucking sister,” he grinds out. “But it’s the fucking lying and sneaking around bullshit that really just eats at me. I thought we were above that. I’ve never questioned anything you’ve said or done no matter how sketchy that shit seemed because at the end of the day I fucking trusted you. Guess you did a good job making an ass out of me.” “That was never my intention, dude, and you know it. I fucking fell in love. I didn’t set out trying to find it. It wasn’t some master plan to fuck you over. It just happened, and I couldn’t fucking stop it. I knew lying to you was a shit move but fuck, I didn’t know what else to do. What the fuck should I have done? I fell in love with my best friend’s little sister, and I was so certain he would never approve that I did the only thing that made sense to me.” “Glad to know lying to me made sense to you in that fucked up head of yours.” “You know what I mean.” I let out a slow sigh, silence stretching between us. “You know what’s really fucked up?” Gavin finally speaks after what feels like forever. “I would have supported you guys. A hundred percent from go.” “What?” I question, not able to hide my skepticism. “Seriously. Why wouldn’t I have? You were my best friend.” I ignore the sting that comes along with the way he phrases it in past tense. “I know you better than you probably know your fucking self.” He continues, “Why wouldn’t I want someone like you with my sister? I know you’ll take care of her. I know you’ll love her. I know that you will never hurt her because, Pax, that’s who you are. Charlie is lucky to have you.” His statement knocks me back a beat, and it takes me a few moments to gather my thoughts enough to respond. “That’s not how you made it seem at the hospital,” I interject. “Fuck what I said at the hospital, dude. I was fucking pissed. I would have said anything I could to hurt you because at the moment, I wanted to fucking hurt you. But all bullshit aside, I’m good with this. I don’t like how it happened, and I think a baby probably isn’t the most responsible thing to be bringing into the world right now, but at this point, it is what it is.” He shrugs. “I plan to ask her to marry me,” I speak the words, deciding right here on the spot that this is what I want. “Wow.” Gavin seems a bit taken back but also kind of impressed at the same time. “That’s a big step.” “It is,” I agree. “But fuck me, dude, I love that girl more than anything. She’s all I want. She’s all I’ll ever want.” “Well then.” He nods. “I’m happy for the two of you.” As if that’s all there is to say, he turns, peeling open the truck door. He hesitates for a long moment before finally turning his attention back to me. “I’ll see you later.” He gives me a half grin before climbing into the truck and firing the engine to life.

Stepping into the yard, I can’t help but smile as I watch him drive away. I know it’s not much and the shit between us is still very real, but in that one conversation I learned one very important fact: our friendship is not beyond saving. There is time to make this right and based on what just happened, I’d say Gavin wants that too. I walk inside feeling like a thousand-pound weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Smiling at Charlie, whose eyes catch mine the moment I step into the kitchen, I reclaim the seat next to her. “Everything okay?” She eyes me curiously. “It is,” I confirm. “Not a hundred percent, but we’ll get there.” “Good.” She gives me a wide smile, her relief evident. “Who’s ready for French toast?” Rosie practically sings as she sets two platefuls down in front of Charlie and me. I spend the remainder of the afternoon watching my girl cut up and laugh like she doesn’t have a care in the world. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her quite this relaxed, and it feels good to know that the events of the last couple of days are not weighing her down. If anything she seems more weightless than ever. Minutes bleed into hours, and I swear, I could spend an eternity just watching her, breathing her in, soaking up the utter joy she brings to my life. I knew it years ago, when she was just a teenager, that she would be the one woman to tame the wildness within me. She’s brought me peace. She’s shown me how to love. She’s taught me how to forgive myself and how to live with the things I can’t change. There’s not a day that will go by that I won’t look at this girl and wonder how in the fuck I ever got so lucky. Why this girl, this crazy, beautiful picture of perfection, ever chose me, I’m not sure I’ll ever understand. But I will spend every fucking day of the rest of my life making damn sure she’s glad she did.

Chapter Twenty-four Six months later... Charlie “She’s so fucking beautiful, Char.” Gavin looks down at the tiny baby wrapped in his arms, his eyes swimming with emotion. “She’s perfect isn’t she?” I smile at the two of them. Nothing could have ever prepared me for the pure joy I feel right now. It’s been six hours since Lorelei Rose Stewart was introduced to the world. Named after both of our mother’s, she is the absolute definition of perfection. “She is. Though she kind of looks like her dad.” He crinkles his nose playfully. “What the hell are you trying to say, dude?” Paxton appears in the doorway, laughter vibrating through his chest. “I’m just saying. Out of the two of you, I think Charlie’s the prettier one,” Gavin jokes, his eyes not leaving the little girl in his arms. “You don’t think I’m pretty?” Paxton pouts, sliding into the bed next to me before dropping an arm over my shoulder and pulling me toward him. Gavin doesn’t respond, giving Paxton a look that says hell no before talking baby gibberish to his niece who sleeps right through it without even stirring. “Hey, baby.” Paxton’s lips on the side of my neck pull my attention from our daughter, and I turn, snuggling into his chest. “Hey.” I smile, breathing in his scent. Even though I’m dressed in a ratty hospital gown, my face free of makeup, and my hair looking like a bird could nest in it, Paxton still looks down at me like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. God this man is perfect. “As much as I want to stay here and hold this little girl forever,” Gavin interrupts the moment, “duty calls.” He stands, laying Lorelei in my arms when I reach for her. “You headed to the bar?” Paxton watches the exchange between the two of us, his eyes fixated on his daughter until she’s back safely against my chest. “Yeah, we got the remodel going on right now, and I promised Deck I would get back with enough time for him and Kimber to pop over for a bit. Kimber is dying to get her hands on that baby.” He gestures to Lorelei. “Mark my words, they’ll be popping one of their own out within a year.” “Cousins!” I exclaim, getting a death stare from Gavin. “Y’all need to wrap your shit up. The last thing I need is Harlee jumping on the baby bandwagon.” “Where is Harlee anyway?” “Class.” He shrugs. “She’ll probably stop by later on this evening. Hopefully, she doesn’t get any fucking ideas.” He gestures to the baby. “Come on, man,” Paxton interjects. “You know you want one.” “I do,” he answers immediately. “But I want a couple more years of Harlee all to myself if you know what I mean.” He raises his eyebrows suggestively.

“Um gross.” I purse my lips. “You can go now.” I laugh, shaking my head in disgust. “How do you think I feel?” He gestures between Paxton and me, shuttering playfully. “Fuck you too, dude.” Paxton laughs, standing to walk Gavin out. “They’re so silly.” I talk to the silent baby in my arms. “Call me if you need anything, Char.” Gavin pulls my attention back up to him, throwing me a wave as he exits the room, Paxton directly behind him. It makes me so happy that the two of them are almost normal again. It took some time, but they are finally getting there. I turn my attention from the doorway to stare down at the tiny child in my arms, still unable to believe that she’s actually here. I felt like this day would never come and now that it has, I’m so overwhelmed with emotion that I can hardly make it five minutes without crying. As if right on cue, tears well in my eyes, blurring my vision. I blink rapidly, trying my hardest to fight them back, but it’s no use. It’s as if my body is just doing whatever it wants today and to hell with what my mind has to say about it. “Char?” Paxton hits me with a look of concern the second he steps back into the room. “You okay?” He reclaims his place next to me in the bed, one arm pulling me into him, the other resting gently against my arm where our baby is cradled. “Stupid emotions.” I laugh out through my tears, wiping them away with my free hand. “It’s normal,” he reassures me, having spent hours researching everything regarding childbirth, wanting to make sure he was prepared for it all. It amazes me how quickly he fell into the role. I was barely into my second trimester before he started baby-proofing the condo. Even though we plan to move before the baby is walking, he still went to great lengths to make sure there was not an inch of our home that wasn’t a hundred percent safe for our daughter. It was beyond entertaining watching him freak out every other day when he realized there was something he forgot, as if we didn’t have the time to get it all done. Needless to say, we’ve been ready for baby Lorelei for quite some time now. “She really is perfect isn’t she?” He watches our daughter sleep in my arms, his hand brushing gently against her tiny fingers. “Perfect,” I agree. “Are you happy?” His question pulls my gaze to his face. “I’m so happy I think I could bust,” I admit, resting my forehead on his. “I love you, Mrs. Stewart.” I smile as he says the name, still having not wrapped my head around the fact that I’m Mrs. Paxton Stewart. It was a small wedding that we threw together pretty quickly. I don’t know why but Paxton was adamant that I be his wife before giving birth. Not that I’m complaining. I’ve wanted to marry this man since I was about thirteen years old. “I love you, Mr. Stewart,” I finally reply, breathing him in. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing you say that.” I can’t see his mouth, but I can feel his smile. “Good, because I’m going to say it forever.” “Forever?” he whispers against my lips. “Forever,” I confirm, sealing the promise with a kiss.

The End

Crazy Love Playlist A special thank you to each of these amazing artists. So much of my inspiration for Crazy Stupid Love came from this playlist. Love on the Brain- Rihanna Ride- Chase Rice Taciturn- Stone Sour Remedy- Adele Say You Love Me- Jessie Ware Fall into Me- Brantley Gilbert Incomplete- James Bay Sea of Lovers- Christina Perri The Way I Was- Aubrey Peeples Over and Over- Nathan Sykes Hollow- Tori Kelly Writing’s On the Wall- Sam Smith I Can’t Go On Without You- Kaleo Addicted- Kelly Clarkson All in my Head- Tori Kelly Misery- Gwen Stefani Close- Nick Jonas Beating Me Up- Rachel Platten All the Same- Sick Puppies This Close- Flyleaf Not Even Human- Angel Taylor Vulnerable- Secondhand Serenade Need the Sun to Break- James Bay H.O.L.Y.- Florida Georgia Line Heavy In Your Arms- Florence and the Machine Heart Go Bang- Blue October Fire Away- Chris Stapleton Piano- Cassadee Pope Scars- James Bay Save Yourself- Kaleo Maybe- Kelly Clarkson A Twist In My Story- Secondhand Serenade Ruin- Shawn Mendes Russian Roulette- Rihanna Hush Hush- Avril Lavigne Life Can’t Get Much Better- Good Charlotte I Get to Love You- Ruelle

Marry Me- Train

Acknowledgments What a CRAZY amazing ride this has been. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read Crazy Stupid Love, Crazy Stupid Obsession, and/or Crazy Stupid Perfection. This has been the most enjoyable series to write. I feel like these characters are now a part of me and will forever hold a piece of my heart. First and foremost, I have to thank my readers. Thank you for letting all of these characters be a part of your lives. Thank you for taking the time to read my work. Thank you for your continued support that is both a blessing and motivation for me to push through the hard times. You are the backbone, the most important part of this entire operation and without you, none of this is possible. Thank you to my amazing beta readers for all of your feedback and suggestions. I can’t tell you what it means to me to have such an amazing support system behind me. You donate your valuable time to help me and for that, I’ll never be able to thank you enough. Mavens—you’re the greatest street team an author could ask for. Seriously, you ladies rock so freaking hard! Thank you, just thank you!!! Angel—what can I say... I don’t know what I would do without you. You are a rare gem, and I can’t wait to squeeze you in person one day... and kill a bottle of wine with you ( or two or three but hey, who’s counting)!!! Ellie—Thank you for stepping up when I needed you and being a kick ass event assistant! You and Jenn are truly incredible and I can’t thank you enough for being there for me. I also have to give a major shout out to my editor—Silla. The Crazy Love series would not be what it is without you! Thank you for being someone I know I can count on. You are a true rockstar! This one is for all the dreamers out there. The ones’ willing to take a chance on love no matter how insane it may seem. Love is always a little crazy and sometimes even stupid, but we take the risk anyway, because damn isn’t it worth it in the end. Crazy Love—embrace the madness XOXO -Melissa

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Also by Melissa Toppen Crazy Love Crazy Stupid Love Crazy Stupid Obsession Crazy Stupid Perfection The Breathless Series Consumed Taken Released Two Hearts Collide Embrace You and I You and I Alone You and I Together You and I Forever Taming Lo: A You and I Novel Standalone Claimed by You Beyond Love Lies Deceit Crazy Love: The Complete Series