Degrade (Flawed Book 1) - T.L Smith(ang,)

By T.L. Smith

Degrade T.L Smith Copyright 2015 TL Smith All Rights Reserved This book is a work of fiction. Any references to real events, real people, and real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the Author’s imagination and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, organizations or places is entirely coincidental. All rights are reserved. This book is intended for the purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the express written permission of the Author. All songs, song titles and lyrics contained in this book are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders. WARNING This e-book contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language and may be considered offensive to some readers. This e-book is intended for adults ONLY. Please store your files wisely, where they cannot be accessed by under-aged readers. Cover - LM Creations Formatting - https://www.facebook.com/pages/Angels-Indieformatting Editing by Swish Design & Editing Proofread – KMS Editing Cover image Copyright 2015

Other Books By T.L. Smith Sasha's Dilemma (Dilemma #1) Adam’s Heaven (Dilemma #1.5) Sasha’s Demons (Dilemma #2) Krinos (Take Over #1) Kalon (Take Over #2) Kratos (Take Over #3) Pure Punishment (Standalone) Antagonize Me (Standalone) If you want to keep updated, simply join my mailing list. By clicking here. http://goo.gl/qEqXsP

One rule. Only one rule women need to follow when they're with me. Don’t ask for more. This rule is in place for a reason; you won't get more of what’s not there to give.

He is striking, and he's all man. He is also the devil, or so I believe him to be. I gave him my heart, not realizing I was doing so. He likes to break me down, so I'm a shell of the person I once was. He's chipping away at me, bit by bit. Though I’m not as weak as he thinks, and when I can’t handle it anymore, I will come back swinging.

If you are reading this, you brought my book…. * Happy Dance* Thank you for supporting my dream, I heart each and every one of you. Love Hard T.L Smith

Table of Content PROLOGUE CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 6 CHAPTER 7 CHAPTER 8 CHAPTER 9 CHAPTER 10 CHAPTER 11 CHAPTER 12 CHAPTER 13 CHAPTER 14 CHAPTER 15 CHAPTER 16 CHAPTER 17 CHAPTER 18 CHAPTER 19 CHAPTER 20 CHAPTER 21 CHAPTER 22 CHAPTER 23 CHAPTER 24 CHAPTER 25 CHAPTER 26 CHAPTER 27 CHAPTER 28 CHAPTER 29 CHAPTER 30

CHAPTER 31 CHAPTER 32 CHAPTER 33 CHAPTER 34 CHAPTER 35 CHAPTER 36 CHAPTER 37 CHAPTER 38 CHAPTER 39 CHAPTER 40 CHAPTER 41 CHAPTER 42 CHAPTER 43 NOTES

All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name. ~Andre Breton~

Prologue I’m an idiot, I know this. I just can’t help myself. When it comes to him, I do as he says, and do as he pleases. Even if it’s against everything I believe in. He has a hold on me, which no other person has ever held. I don’t believe he loves me, but I love him. So that has to count for something. Right? My love is big enough. I believe it can hold onto both of us and wrap us up in a vice grip. See, I did tell you, I’m an idiot. These are my thoughts as soon as I wake, and it happens every time. No matter what, they consume me. I guess I’m trying to make myself believe that my love will be enough. That it is enough. Though, as I reach my hand out to touch his toned and chiseled body, my thoughts take a back burner. I run my hand along his stomach, slowing wanting it to go lower. Just as I reach his waistband, he clasps my hand in his and stops me. Throwing my hand to the side, he steps from the bed, not even flinging me a backward glance. My heart breaks that little bit each time he does this to me. I’m afraid if nothing changes, and I don’t receive the tiniest bit of affection, I will become a shell of the person I was. I will basically become his whore, only there

for when he needs to fuck and nothing more. Never to make love. It’s purely sexual, an animal act. There’s never a trace of love when it comes to him. I watch as he walks from the shower, dripping wet. This makes my pussy come to life with just the look of him. He’s what I’d say the devil sculpted. Why the devil you ask? Because God would never be so cruel as to make a man so perfect as him to torture me. He’d give me a man to love, a man that would show me an ounce of love back. So, he must be the devil. He’s perfect in every way, except the way that counts. The heart. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even have a heart. And that alone breaks my heart again. Even though I know he doesn’t love me, I love him. I believe that’s enough. Well, that’s what I keep telling myself.

The course of true love never did run smooth. ~William Shakespeare~

Chapter 1

His hands are on my hips and he’s smiling brightly as my father, who’s also smiling, tells a story. I try to plaster on the best smile I can muster. But it’s fake, it’s as fake as my feelings. Tragger looks down at me. He’s taller, but his arm is wrapped tightly around my hip like he knows I’m going to run. I might. I probably would, if he wasn’t holding me so tightly. His size and strength sometimes makes me feel small. He’s very handsome, I’m not going to deny that. And I do love him, I won’t deny that either. Just not in the way I should. It’s more of a brotherly love, a friendship type of love. One I don’t want to lose, but I do know I should let go. It’s not right for either of us. “Dance with me,” he says pulling me to the dance floor behind him. Most of our co-workers surround us lost in their own moves with their loved ones. I try to imagine a world where I love this

man, where I’d wake and not have panic attacks thinking I won’t ever be in love. I want that love people talk about, and I don’t wish to settle because that’s what people say is best. I thought when I met Tragger that maybe I could grow to love him, more like the way a girlfriend should love her boyfriend. But it never came, every time he touched me, there were no sparks. Every time his lips touched mine, no ignition. I tried to brush it aside, brush away that doubt that’s always creeping in. Maybe I’m not destined to be in love, but just to be loved by someone else. Tragger whispers in my ear that he loves me, and I can’t say it as much as I want to, so I lay my head on his shoulder. I believe he may love me; just not the way I think we should love each other. He’s a good man and an even better friend. That’s why it’s so hard to do what I know should be done. “Can I cut in?” I turn to see a fellow employee, who I’ve become close to lately. Him and his wife have become good friends of mine, in and out of work. Tragger nods and kisses my cheek. He breaks away and Benji cuts in. Benji is older; where I’m in my mid-twenties, he’s in his late-thirties. He doesn’t look it though. Not one bit. “You look lost,” he says placing a hand on my hip. His wife’s not far behind him and she sees me and winks. She knows how I feel, and probably sent

her husband to come rescue me. “I am,” I say feeling deflated. My father taps Tragger on the shoulder and pulls him in for a hug. Benji sees where I’m looking and turns me so I can’t see them any longer. “Do you love him? Are you crazy in love with him, Bexley?” he asks. I look into his green eyes and try to stop the tear that wants to fall. I manage a headshake, and he sighs. We stop dancing, and I notice he’s pulled me from the middle of the dance floor and now we’re at the edge. “You need to tell him. You need to be honest with him. Don’t let this go further. It will hurt, I’m not going to lie, but it all hurts until you meet that one person who takes it all away,” he says glancing at his wife who’s now making her way over to us. “I don’t think I can,” I manage to say, wiping my sweaty hands on my long gown that thankfully is black. “You’re stronger than you realize, your heart is just too big. You can’t go through life pleasing everyone, Bexley. Please yourself, do something reckless; fall in love, fall out of love, have your heart broken,” he says grabbing my face kissing my head and then turning to his wife with a smile that’s just for her. Her sad eyes watch me and I know she wants to comfort me. I just can’t let her, I have to do it.

I manage to get the courage to walk over to him. He’s now in a heated conversation with my father. When they spot me, they stop talking, my father leans in and kisses my cheek and walks away. Tragger grabs my hand and pulls me to him. I stand my ground as his face scrunches up. “We need to talk,” I manage to say in a steady voice. “Can we talk after the party?” he asks, gesturing to the guests. I shake my head at him and look around to make sure we are by ourselves. “I can’t do this,” I say pointing between him and myself. He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind and shakes his head. “Don’t be drastic, Bex,” he says using my nickname. “I don’t love you like I should. Yes, I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” He drops my hand and his face turns to shock. I don’t have any other words. He didn’t expect me to say this, I know he didn’t. “How much have you had to drink?” he asks me, thinking this must be why I’m talking this way. I shake my head, telling him no. “I’m sorry,” is all I say before I run away from the night and into the cool air. When I take my first breath outside, I somehow feel lighter.

Now it’s time for me to change, to go somewhere new, be someone new. I can do this.

You can’t blame gravity for falling in love. ~Torquato Tasso~

Chapter 2

As I walk up the stairs to Ember’s apartment, I stop to wipe the sweat off my forehead that’s slowly dripping down my face. I have a suitcase in each arm, and I’m so ready to let them drop as they’re killing my hands. I left a month after my engagement, having to see him all the time was too much, too much for me to take. I ban those thoughts from my head once I finally reach the third floor. I drop the suitcases in front of what I hope is Ember’s door and knock. There’s no answer the first time, so I knock again. Once I go for my third knock the door swings open wide and Ember stands there in just a towel. She sees me and instantly squeals wrapping her arms around me. I push her back because let’s face it, I stink from the heat and exercise workout those stairs just gave me. “I can’t believe you’re finally here,” she squeals excitedly. I smile a weak smile and follow her when she walks inside. Looking around her apartment, I

take it all in. It’s the first time I’ve been here. I’ve known Ember for quite some time; I met her when she was in college. We hung around different groups, but when we did have one class together, we often ended up being paired up for an assignment. She was so friendly and always talking, she has a vibe about her that just draws you in. You can’t help but not talk to her, listen to her. Even love her, which I do greatly. She decided once she finished her schooling, she was going to move to Los Angeles and start her career in the City of the Stars. I stayed behind and worked in the family business, and I haven’t seen her for over two years. Though we talk at least once a day, even if it’s a just a simple text message. She’s always in my life. “I can’t believe you just up and left,” she says as we walk into her living room. My arms groan when I move them, and I let them drop back down to my side. Ember’s apartment is very chic. It has red stools at her kitchen bench. I move to the red sofa and take a seat. Her curtains are black, and her appliances are silver. The apartment is not very large, and I look around wondering where I’ll be sleeping. It doesn’t seem big enough to be a twobedroom apartment. The only door I see is the one she came out of, the other doors are open to the bathroom. “I had to, I had to just get away,” I say sinking back into the comfortable chair. She looks at me in

thought, her head to the side and assessing me for the truth. I shake my head, telling her I don’t want to talk about it. And what I love about her is that she immediately understands. “Okay, so what do you want to do tomorrow?” she asks changing the subject and taking a seat next to me. “I need to find a job,” I whine. I’ve never been for a job interview in my life. When I graduated college, I was expected to go straight into the family business. Generations of my family have done the same job all their life. It was expected I would as well, even if that wasn’t my chosen career path. Hell, I could have gone to clown school and it wouldn’t have mattered. “I’m looking for an assistant,” she says smiling at me. “You’re kidding?” I ask her in disbelief. It can’t be that easy, can it? “Seriously, my workload has gone into overdrive. I need someone who understands me, and I know you know what to do.” “Oh my God, when can I start?” I ask her with an excited voice. “Tomorrow?” she asks, smiling brightly. “Okay, so next question. Where do I sleep?” I ask looking around. She pulls me up by my hand

and I stand while she reaches behind me and pulls the couch out into a bed. I smile at her as she walks away, coming back a second later with a blanket and pillow. “If you plan on staying, we can look for a bigger apartment.” “I do plan on staying.” I smile while taking my shoes off, and climbing onto the sofa bed. As soon as my head hits the pillow, my eyes shut and I’m in dreamland. **** I’ve been working with Ember for two weeks now, some of the people I’ve met have me gobsmacked. She really does style to the stars, and the way she is with them I can see why they only come to her. She’s amazing with them and treats them like she does me. No shit and no filter, she tells them if they’re being a diva or if the dress or outfit looks crappy on them. “I have to go to an after party tonight, and you’re coming. You haven’t been out since you arrived, and this is a party full of powerful and sexy people. You’re getting laid,” she tells me as she opens the door to her apartment. My stuff is everywhere in the living room. I’m not a clean freak like Ember, it doesn’t bother me having my clothes scattered all over the place. I usually find stuff quicker when it’s this way. I follow her to her

room, she opens her closet and grabs a dress and throws it at me. “You’re wearing that,” she says and disappears into the bathroom. I hold the dress up and inspect it. It has no back, and the front plunges so low I will have to tape my boobs in so they stay in place. But the dress is beautiful. It’s a bronze color and is covered with sequins. My hair is short; there isn’t much to do with it. I give it some volume at the back and braid my fringe. My makeup is light and I slide my heels on. My pumps are so high I’m afraid I am going to break my ankle. We pull up to the party and climb out of her Mercedes Benz. There are guards on the door checking names. He gestures Ember through when we reach the gate and she waves to the people she knows as she moves straight across to the bar. Ordering some fruity drink, she orders me water which I happily take. She knows I prefer water. I get hives when I get drunk too fast, so I prefer not to drink when necessary. Ember talks to the bartender, and in that time I take a look around, seeing if I can spot anyone I’ve heard of. As I spin my head around I see actors and singers everywhere, dancing and chatting and I definitely feel like I don’t belong. Ember grabs my arm and takes me to a private

area out back to have a smoke. I’m not a big smoker; I’m more of a social or stressed smoker. Ember lights up and passes it to me, she smiles over my shoulder and I know someone is about to come and talk to her. “Ember my darling,” a young woman says followed by another young girl. I’m trying to put a name to her face because I know she’s famous. I realize relatively quickly she’s a pop star, but I just can’t think of her name. I walk off in the other direction toward the outdoor setting trying to find somewhere quiet. These stars really do go all out. There are dancers on the bar, waiters dressed in nothing but leaves covering their private areas. As I reach the end of the balcony, I take a seat and finish my smoke. I hear someone clear their throat, and when I look up all I can see is a dark figure sitting in a chair behind me. He’s by himself, and he looks large. Not big large, more like fuck he works out massive. “Sorry, didn’t realize anyone was here,” I say standing up and offering him his peace. “Stay,” the voice says, and I stop. That voice makes my heart pick up, but more importantly, it makes me want to see the face that’s attached to it. It’s silky smooth but so masculine. I slowly resume my seat, this time not with my back to the sexy talker.

“What’s your name?” the voice asks, and all I want to do is turn on the flashlight on my phone to see him. To see if he matches that masculine voice. “Bexley,” I tell him, remembering he asked me a question. “And yours?” I ask, looking but still not able to make him out. “Zeke,” he replies, and I know he’s looking at me. I actually feel his eyes roaming over me, even though I can’t see him. My thoughts are interrupted when a young woman walks out holding a tray walking straight to Zeke and offers him a drink. “What are you drinking?” he asks. I look behind me to see if there’s anyone else around, but there isn’t, so he must be talking to me. “Water.” He gives me a puzzled look, but doesn’t comment on it and nods to the waitress. She disappears and comes back straight away with a glass for me. I smile and accept the drink then sip it quietly. “Do you know many people here?” I ask, trying to form some kind of conversation instead of the quiet that surrounds us. “You could say that,” he says. Great! Well, he sure is a talker. I go to stand when I see Ember walking toward me. I smile back to Zeke and hold my glass up. “Well, thanks for the drink, Zeke,” I say and walk

away before any more words are spoken. Ember spots me straight away. “Where have you been?” she asks looking behind me. I look around but don’t see anything. “Just getting some quiet time,” I tell her, not wanting to talk about Zeke. He could’ve been someone famous, and I would have no idea. “Okay, well, I think we should go. I’m actually exhausted,” she says wiping her eyes. She should be, she’s had a tough week. All this week was leading up to tonight’s awards ceremony. I nod my head and start to walk with her when someone steps in front of us. I look up and I’m met with the most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on in my life. Literally, this man would win the sexiest man alive, I have no doubt. Ember smiles up at him, and my eyes work all the way up his toned body and stopping at his face, which has a stoic look plastered on it. No smiles there. “Bexley, I would like for you to come with me,” he says. Fuck! My mind and body stop. That’s the voice from outside. “Ah, excuse me?” I ask. Shocked. “I would like to spend the night with you,” he says like I should just go ahead and do that. Ember squeezes my arm and makes me realize I haven’t answered him.

“Um…sorry. I have to get home,” I squeak, literally, my voice sounding like a squeak. Shit! “Let me drive you,” he says holding out his hand. I should be saying no, something should be screaming stranger danger! But it’s not. “I have a ride,” I manage to say back. All the while our eyes don’t leave each other. “Have dinner with me tomorrow,” he says. Not asking, but rather telling me. “Okay,” is all I can manage. He reaches for me and I don’t move. His hand touches mine and then is gone as fast as it came. I look to my hands and then to his and see him with my phone. He rings his and then hands it back to me. He doesn’t say a word as he walks off. I can hear Ember asking me questions, but for some reason I can’t speak. My eyes follow the retreating form of Zeke, straight back to the balcony where he came from.

Love knows no distance; it hath no continent; its eyes are for the stars. ~Gilbert Parker~

Chapter 3

This man, this man makes me want to drop to my knees and beg him to do dirty things to me. He takes my morals, and throws them out the door with just the look of his smile, his eyes, and of course his hot body. “Bexley,” he says so deeply it has me clenching my legs together in his car. “Zeke,” is all I can reply. My brain isn’t functioning. “You look delicious,” his voice is low, his eyes are on my legs where my skirt is riding high up on his seat. My hand automatically goes there, to protect myself from what he may see. His eyes narrow and I can tell he wants me to move them, to let him look if he chooses.. He drives again, only stopping briefly to look at me. His emotions are not there to see. I want to be witty, smart, but nothing leaves my mouth and I just

stare. I can’t seem to do anything else. His jaw is strong, cheekbones high, hair styled so stylish I want to touch it to see what it looks like messed up, with my hands running through it. He catches me looking, the car comes to a stop and I didn’t even notice. One side of his lip quirks up; he couldn’t have known what I was thinking, could he? I bring my knees tighter together, and the movement brings his eyes down. “I think it’s best if we go somewhere public,” he says with his roaming eyes. My head nods. Well, I think it does, I hope it does, and his eyes narrow before turning to get out and walking around to my side. The car door opens, and when I look past him to see where we are, I notice a bar, and my face cringes. Why would he take me here? To get in my pants? Because that could have been made easier; he could just touch me and I’m sure I wouldn’t say no. “This is my favorite place,” he says noticing my scrunched up expression. He shuts the car door and his hand touches the small of back as he guides me inside. A man comes to the entrance as soon as we enter, greets Zeke with open arms and taps him on the back. I look around, and to me it seems like an ordinary everyday bar. Nothing unusual about it at all.

“Bring me my usual times two, old man,” Zeke says and the man with salt and pepper hair smiles and nods. Zeke takes me to the back and sits down opposite me, his eyes appraising me again. I feel like he assesses me every time he does this, like I have to fight to stay under his gaze. “You like it here?” I ask him, not being able to make eye contact, to which he has no trouble doing. “I do,” is all I get in reply. A chocolate cake is brought out, and it’s set right in front of me. I give it a weird look as I wouldn’t call this dinner. I manage to look at him and see his eyes on me, which seems to be all he’s been doing the whole date. “Do I have something on my face?” I ask him, touching my face. “Why would you ask that?” he says tipping his head to the side. “No reason,” I reply, not wanting to sound like I’m fishing for a compliment when I’m clearly not. “I don’t do dates,” he says. “Why?” I ask, it was him that asked me after all. “I just don’t. No need for it,” he says shrugging his shoulder. “You just fuck?” I ask, building confidence with

him. He did say he doesn’t date, but here he is with me. His eyes flare, they change from their usual beautiful blue to grey in a second. “That I do, and I do it well.” Now it’s my turn to flare, but not in the eyes, but down below between my legs. “Why cake?” “Henry is a family friend, he used to make me this cake on special occasions. Tonight is exactly that, my first date,” he says and I want to laugh, actually I do laugh at him. “Really?” I say covering my mouth letting out a giggle. “I love sweet things in my mouth, Bexley,” he says and fuck, if I didn’t know better, I’d say he meant more than the cake in front of us. The rest of the cake is eaten in silence, and he doesn’t talk again. He just watches me, making me fidget every time I catch him doing so. One time I notice him and my face heats up, he smirks at that. “Yes,” he says and I look up to see him on his phone. I didn’t even hear it ring. His head drops and then his eyes come back to mine. He mutters some words to which I tune out and then he hangs up. “It’s time to go,” he says standing, offering me his hand.

“Okay,” I place my hand in his and he squeezes it and looks down at our hands like he can’t believe he just did that. He drives me back, his eyes flicking from the road to me. It makes me feel so desired like I’ve never been before. It makes me feel sexy the way his eyes trace my legs, my face, my mid-section. He stops at the apartment and doesn’t get out or say anything. I reach for the door handle and step out. His eyes are now trained on the steering wheel. “I’ll call you,” he says through the window, still not looking. He takes off, not looking at me again, and leaving me standing there watching. I’m still watching even when he’s been gone for longer than five minutes. Wondering what it is with this man.

Love has no age, no limit; and no death. ~John Galsworthy~

Chapter 4

Her full lips, the sway of her hips. They make me hard as fuck. I’ve fucked a lot of women. I work with some of the best looking women this world has to offer. But her, she’s a league of her own. And I want to conquer her, devour her, make her mine. Then bend her to my will. She seems hypnotized by me, most women do. But she has something different hiding behind her eyes when she looks at me. A spark some would say. I plan to fuck her into submission, break her will to my submission. I want her to be mine, something I don’t usually want. But maybe I could play for a while. See where things take us, see how long I can last with her. I’ve never done it before, never bedded a woman for more than one night. This could be interesting.

All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name. ~Andre Breton~

Chapter 5

He’s sex on a stick and he is every woman’s wet dream. He’s someone I want between my legs, right now. It’s been two weeks since I’ve heard from Zeke. He never called me straight away, and I wondered if maybe it was just a fluke that he thought he wanted me at all. But today when he called and stated he was picking me up at six, I couldn’t say no. Even if it was a demand instead of a gesture. He picked me up in his red sports car, it was fast and fancy. He only said one word, it was simple but so hot “Bexley.” And now we’re at his house and he’s taking his clothes off to swim in the pool. We had a drink when we arrived and I refused any more, as I don’t like to drink. So now, we’re at his pool. He’s taken his shirt off and is kicking off his shoes, then his pants are next. I take a moment to let my eyes roam over him, from his face to his

chest. When I stop on his chest, I see scars, which are circular in shape. They appear to be bullet wounds. I try not to stare long as his hands move to his Calvin Klein underwear, which hug his toned, and I just want to touch it along with the rest of him. His body is delicious. I’ve never touched or seen up close anyone as perfect as him. His underwear is next to be removed. I didn’t think he’d remove them, but he does so with absolutely no shame. His cock appears semi-hard and I smile thinking it’s for me. “Are you going to strip or stare?” he asks while walking to the stairs of the pool. I’m shocked at first and then decide I can do this. I can remove my clothes and show a man I’ve known for less than a few weeks what I look like. Fuck, no I can’t. “I’ll stare,” I manage to say. He cocks his head to the side, evaluating me. “I can’t fuck you if your clothed, Bexley, and I would prefer to fuck you in this pool,” he says like that’s all I’m here for. Fuck, maybe I am! “Stop evaluating everything, strip and get in the pool.” HHHis head goes under the water and rises again all wet, and now I’m all wet. Shit! What if he hates what he sees? What if he kicks me out after seeing me naked? Shit, why am I even considering getting naked for a man I hardly

know? Oh, that’s right, he makes my girl parts sing and scream without even touching me. Girls do this don’t they? They sleep with strangers and have one-night stands? Fuck it! I’m going to have my one night stand with a man that should not be looking at me like he’s going devour me, and probably spit me out when he’s done. “Okay,” I say and reach for my shirt pulling it up and over my head. My shorts are next. Thank God I have matching underwear on today. Maybe I knew what was coming? I can’t look at him as I remove my bra and then my panties. Walking to the side of the pool, I descend the stairs, still not wanting to see if he’s pleased or disgusted with what he sees. “Look at me,” his voice comes at me so close. I look up and he’s standing right there in front of me. Looking me in the eyes and then down my body, he devours me as he goes. “I’m going to fuck you in this pool, then out of it so I can taste you,” he says and his arm reaches behind me and grabs my ass sliding me close to him. He drops his hands and grabs my legs so they wrap around his waist. I can immediately feel his erection near my entrance. A soft moan escapes my lips, I move slightly on him for some friction, and as soon as I do Zeke goes dead still, his hands hard on my thighs. I open my eyes to see his icy blue eyes

are now gray. Looking at me, one of his hands goes between us, and he touches my clit. I go stiff from the touch. “You on anything?” he asks, very deeply. I shake my head no, and that’s all it takes. He reaches for a condom from the side of the pool, which I didn’t even see sitting there and slides it on between us. Not wanting it to end, when he’s happy with how my moans have increased, he removes his hand and slowly inserts himself in me. He’s big, huge, so much so that he goes slowly at first. But I need more, it’s so painful wanting more, but not getting it. I reach down and remove his hand and sink down. My head goes back and he moves us backward in the water while I’m on his cock, and he starts to move me up and down. I want to scream from the pleasure rolling off of me and in me, and then he stops, lifting and turning me around. My hands go to the edge of the pool and he sinks back into me again. Fucking me like I’ve never been fucked. And all I can think is, Fuck! I’m so having one-night stands for the rest of my life if they feel like this. “I’m going to fuck you all night,” Zeke whispers in my ear, biting it as he does. My back arches to give him more access and he takes it and fucks me so hard I scream, my eyes close and I’m in orgasm land.

His warmth leaves me and for a second I stay in the same spot, eyes closed. Not moving. When I do open them, I turn around to see where he is, but he’s disappeared. I swim to the edge of the pool and pull myself out, grabbing my clothes and pull my shirt and shorts on. I don’t know if I’m meant to go, or what I’m meant to do now. So I slowly make my way back inside his magnificent house and notice him standing at the fridge. I fidget with my other items of clothing in my hands as he turns to face me, with just a towel wrapped around him. His face scrunches when he looks at me. “Why are you dressed?” He shakes his head and turns back around. “Get undressed,” he says turning to cook something on the stove. I smell bacon wafting my way and my belly grumbles loudly. He turns back around when he’s done cooking and sees me still standing in the same position unmoving. “Why do you still have your clothes on, Bexley? I have to have dinner too,” he says with a slight smirk. He places the plate on the table in front of me and then looks me up and down before he reaches out and touches my shorts undoing the button and pulling them down. “Sit,” he says when I have nothing on from the waist down. I do and he says. “Eat!” I manage to pick up a piece of bacon. Placing it

in my mouth, he watches me eat and then removes his towel. His hand touches his cock and he strokes it a few times and then bends down on his knees. He grabs my knees and swivels me around in my chair and proceeds to eat me for dinner, making me scream. Then he fucks me over the kitchen table and I let him. I let him do it all because he can. He can fuck me any way if it means this man continues to touch me. Zeke walks away leaving me lying on his kitchen table panting while trying to catch my breath. I lay there for a good ten minutes before I finally move. When I sit in the seat at the table, Zeke comes out dressed. I look at him with raised eyebrows. “I’ll take you home now,” he says and walks out of the kitchen. I immediately feel used and abused. Grabbing my clothes that are now scattered across the floor, I rush to put them back on. Walking to the entrance of his home, I see that he’s already seated in his car waiting for me get in. I do so without saying a word. The drive is quiet, not a word is uttered from either of us. I can feel my body start to flush from the embarrassment that’s taking over as we near Ember’s apartment. He stops and I feel his gaze on me. I open the door and just as I’m all the way out, I turn to look at him. He doesn’t meet my eyes when I look, though his eyes are definitely on me, looking over my body. I shut the door and

don’t say a word. What am I meant to say? I’m a dickhead for having a one night stand with a man that’s heartless? Nope, no words are needed. Maybe, actually, alcohol is required. And fuck, I don’t even drink. Ember grills me for a few weeks about my mysterious date and I ask her what she knows about him. She said she couldn’t say, he’s very private and it’s best not to talk about it. I don’t argue with her, I just have to stop thinking about him. About the way his hands grabbed my hips so tight they left bruises, and about the way his tongue circled my clit and then dipped down low to make me even wetter. I have to get him out of my head, where he belongs. Because I couldn’t be with someone so heartless; a man with no emotion, because it’s not me.

Who ever loved that loved not at first sight? ~Christopher Marlowe~

Chapter 6

Zeke has tried to ring me, but I’ve remained strong and not given in to that flashing green button that says talk. I know why he wants me if the sex was as good for him as it was for me, he wants more. And I don’t just want that. I’m turning twenty-six, I want something more stable, something to ground me. To give me companionship. I don’t see that in him, and I’m afraid that I would fall for him regardless. Just as the thought of him pops in my head again, my phone starts ringing. Private number. I contemplate not answering until Ember looks my way and threatens me with her eyes. She’s sick of my phone ringing and she wants me to answer him whenever he calls. I’m in the middle of picking accessories for her latest client when it stops and restarts. I grab it and notice it’s a private number again. I answer, hoping it’s not him. “Bexley,” his voice comes out strong, and I can

feel my disdain for him weakening me with just at the sound of his voice. “I’m working, Zeke,” I manage to say after a long pause. “I know, I’m out front waiting for you,” he says roughly. “Why?” I ask as I maneuver to the window of the two-story building, and when I look down, I see him leaning against his car. My heart speeds up just looking down at him. He dressed in casual dark jeans and a plain white shirt though he looks like a million dollars. “‘Cause, I want you.” “Ah ha,” is all I can say to that. What woman doesn’t want to hear that a man that can fuck and look as good as he does, say those words? “Come down,” he says in a demanding voice. “Please,” he adds lastly. I look around to find Ember at the window and she nods her head excitedly. “I’ll be right down,” I say and hang up. I go to the mirror and check my reflection. My hair is down, angling around my face, I have heels and a skirt on. I push my c-cup boobs up a bit higher in my low cut shirt and nod my head. I can do this. I can see him and not just fuck him. Then why the fuck was I checking to make sure I looked okay?

I’m fucked! He pushes away from the car when I exit the doors and looks me over, his eyes roaming all over me. He always seems to be doing that. Never giving anything away with his facial expressions or lack thereof. “You’ve been ignoring me? Why?” he asks and walks closer. I back up, wanting to put some distance between us. He notices and stops his descent. “I’m not a fuck bunny, I won’t be there to just please you. I want more, which I don’t think you can give,” I say and look down at my feet, not wanting to look at him in the eyes. “Well, I want you. So, I guess we’ll have to work on that little situation of yours.” His voice is low. I look up to see his eyes still on me, assessing me again for a reaction. “You don’t even know me,” I reply because it’s true. He doesn’t know a thing about me. “I know what I want, always have. And I get what I want, always have.” He smirks with those last words. “What do you do for work?” I ask, wanting an insight into him. He sighs at my question. “Can we go for drinks if we’re going to play the ‘get to know you’ game?” he asks waving his hand

to the car. “I’m not getting in the car with you,” I say, knowing if I do, I’ll be a slave to my desires. He looks around unsure of what to do or say. “There’s a bar across the street, let’s go there. Shall we?” he asks waving his hand in front of him motioning for me to go. I nod my head and we walk side by side heading to the bar. I don’t know what to say. Deciding to look from the corner of my eyes, I want to see his eyes, but they’re facing ahead. He’s so deliciously handsome it makes resisting him difficult. Once we reach the bar, he opens the door for me. We enter and take a booth in the back. The bar is quiet and there’s possibly only five other customers apart from us. The waitress comes over and takes our order. I tell her I’m okay, but Zeke orders two red wines and a cheese platter. “Why have you been avoiding me, Bexley?” Hmm…straight for the jugular he goes, no pleasantries with this man. The waitress comes back and places the platter on the table with our wine. He picks up a piece of cheese and opens his mouth sucking before chewing it. His lips are slightly wet, and his eyes have gone completely dark. I want him, I want this man bad. “It will never work,” I say and sip my wine. Shifting in my seat, I cross my legs while he

watches my every move. “I know it would,” he says simply. “It wouldn’t,” I retort back, looking at him. He smirks at me the cocky bastard. “You’re sitting there right now, squeezing your legs tightly together trying to contain your reaction to me. Your eyes go hazy when you look at me and you bite your fingers to try to stop yourself from giving in to your desires. But the thing is, my cock is pushing against my pants right now. I want to bend you over this table, hike your skirt up and fuck you in front of all these people to show to you that you’re craving me as much as I’m craving you. And by the way, if I wanted to, you would let me.” I drop my hand from my mouth and stare at him in anger because he’s right. “You’re a cocky son of a bitch, you know that?” “I told you, I’m a man that gets what I want, Bexley.” “And you want me?” “Yes, and I want you.” I nod my head thinking about this. Would it be the most stupid thing I’ve ever done? Or should I try? I’ve been in relationships before, but none, absolutely none, has made me feel the slightest bit of attraction that he pulls from me. Perhaps I should run with it, see where this desire comes

from? Though I won’t make it easy for him. He won’t get me to bend over when he says so, or when he pleases. “Come home with me?” he asks, standing and offering me his hand. I don’t say anything, I just stare at his outstretched hand, the hand that I want covering my body. “I’m not having sex with you,” I say, defiance in my voice. “If you say so.” He smirks again. Fuck him, and all his hotness. He gets his way that night, and I stay at his house for two days. Doing nothing but lying in bed with him, watching movies, sleeping, but mostly fucking. He’s going to break me, fuck me, and then toss me out like trash when he’s done. And I can’t seem to say no to him. No matter how strong I am. I’m fucked.

True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. ~Francois de La Rochefoucauld~

Chapter 7

I wanted her, I knew this. She’s the one rule that I’ve broken, and I did it for her. She hasn’t left my house for over a month, since that day in the bar. I told her to quit her job during an orgasm and she did, then I told her to move in with me when my mouth was between her legs and she did. I wonder what else I could get her to do for me? It's sort of become fun, a game if you will, to see what this beautiful woman would do for me. She was resilient at first, but she gave in quickly. I knew she would. It’s the way things work. I’ve had women at my beck and call all my life, but I don’t push them as far as I’ve pushed Bexley. She’s different, I like the way she looks at me, the way she sees me. Like I’m the air that she breathes. “Out,” I say just as she steps in. I know it’s her by her quiet footsteps and the perfume that wafts through the air after her. I’m in the middle of a big deal. She cannot disturb me, I’ve told her this.

“I’m making a roast, when will you be done?” she asks standing at the door. I look up at her and she smiles. “I don’t want a roast, I want turkey, and I will be done when I’m done. Now leave,” I say and turn back to my computer. See, what did I tell you, I like to push her. She’s spent all day in the kitchen. I could hear her banging pans and swearing. So I test her just a little bit further to see if she’ll do what I say. When I emerge a few hours later, there’s turkey on the table. I look up to her smiling face and go straight to bed. I hear her smash a plate in the sink. She’s pissed at me, but she’ll never tell me, only taking it out on inanimate objects. She comes in not long after. I’m scrolling through more emails on my phone. She strips naked and lays next to me, her hand touches my bare chest. I remove it and place my phone down and go to sleep. I know what I’m doing to her is wrong, but I like it. It’s like my own guilty pleasure that only she can please. I will break her down. The days pass by fast, and I’m hardly home. When I do arrive home, I fuck her into submission, and she does whatever I please. I’m a bit surprised that she’s letting me do this because I assumed she had more of a backbone. Maybe I was wrong, maybe this won’t last long after all. She comes out dressed in a skirt and a very short

shirt, one that sits just under her breast. Her cleavage is on display, and I instantly want to fuck them and come over her. She passes my office door like she does daily. This time I have a client, and he notices her and I can tell he likes what he sees. Dunker is a scary man, a dangerous man, to some. To me, he knows where he stands. “She yours?” he asks as Bexley stops at the door to say something to Cora. She doesn’t like her, I can tell. “You could say that,” I say eyeing her; her skirt situated on her tiny hips. Her ass is luscious and gives volume to her skirt. When she turns, so Dunker can view her full on he wolf whistles and brings her attention to us. She blushes when she sees me, and smiles softly before walking to the door. She stops and smiles at Dunker though it’s reserved. “You going out?” I ask, fully aware Dunk is eye fucking her, storing her in his memory bank. “Yes,” she says and plays with the bag she’s holding. “I need you in my room in five minutes, Bexley.” She knows my voice when it’s rough, I want her. She leaves without an argument, and I know she’ll be there waiting for me, doing as she’s told.

“Fuck, where do I find me one of them,” he says pointing to where Bexley was standing. “Time for you to leave,” I say and stand. He follows, smirks and winks as he departs, knowing full well what I’m going to do to her, that I’m going to fuck her. When I enter the bedroom she’s sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands still twitching inside her bag. Her eyes look up at me and I’m mesmerized by her beauty, the same way I was the night I first saw her. She is truly beautiful, probably the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. “Remove the top,” I tell her unbuttoning my pants and letting them drop to the floor. She hesitates for a second, unsure if she should test me. Eventually, she listens, though, and her top comes off easy with the zipper at the front. “I want to fuck your tits,” I say palming my cock, stroking it. “Are you wet, Bexley?” I ask standing in front of her now. She looks up and nods, and she bites her lip. Wanting what I can give her, fucking her until she sees stars. “Lean back on your hands, push your chest up.” She does and I bring both her tits together and lean down sucking on each nipple, paying close attention to each one. I grab the lube from the table next to the bed and lather myself up, then her tits. She shivers from the coldness when I apply it to her

chest. I place my cock in the middle, squeezing her tits to suffocate around my cock. She leans forward and licks the top of my cock and I fuck harder, she repeats this a few times until I’m coming all over her, her skirt now ruined, with my evidence all over it. “I have a rule, Bexley, think about this rule before you walk out that door tonight. You are mine. While you’re here, no one is to touch you. I am not yours, don’t think otherwise. But the rule… the rule I want you to remember is never ask for more. Don’t ask for more than what I can give you. If you do, you leave.” She stands in front of me, her mouth agape. Her eyes widen with shock. “Why?” she asks leaning down for a towel and wiping her chest roughly while pulling her shirt on to cover her naked breasts. “I give you what you need, Bexley, do I not? I give you a home, I give you money, and I give you orgasms like no one else can. That is all you will get. Do not expect more, or don’t come back.” I turn my back to her and walk into the shower. I hear her leave the bedroom not knowing if I will see her again. Probably not. I know she wants more, she’s made that quite clear in the past. But I’m a selfish bastard and need her, need my own desires met. They aren’t all met. I could keep her longer, use her longer than anyone else. She has

that redeeming feature about her. I scrub my face in the shower, my hands running along my jaw wondering what she will do, but trying to not to care. A person like me doesn’t care, shouldn’t care. I haven’t known her long, but I know every inch of her body. The way to make her scream, to make her happy, to make her sad. A towel is wrapped around my hips when I enter the bedroom. Bexley is sitting on the bed, biting her fingernails. “Bexley,” I say, her eyes shoot to mine. She’s a bit more broken than she was before. Chip by chip she’s coming apart. “I don’t want to want you,” she says her eyes dropping to her hands that are in her lap now, her leg shaking up and down in nervousness. “I want what we have, but when I want more. I’m leaving you,” she says straightening her spine, sitting up like she actually believes what she’s saying. I smirk, knowing I get to keep playing with her longer. Keep all those pieces that I’m chipping away at. “If you say so,” I say to her climbing into bed. “I don’t need or want your money, Zeke, I don’t need or want any possessions. I have a lot of money, I just chose not to flaunt it,” she says, which surprises me. “What are you talking about, Bexley”?

“I mean, the only reason I’m here is because of you. When I feel I can’t do this anymore, or that I’m less of a person than I’ve already have become, I’m gone. I know what you’re doing to me. You degrade me, chip pieces of me away. Though in actuality you don’t, you force me store everything you do in my memory. Waiting for it to explode, waiting for the time bomb I will unleash once it’s all too much. Don’t think for a second I won’t. I may think I love you, but there’s only so much one person can take. And then, I may ruin you,” she says and walks out the door, still dressed. Leaving me impressed and turned on by her words. Who is this girl?

Love means not ever having to say you’re sorry. ~Erich Segal~

Chapter 8

You’re thinking right now I’m an idiot and that I should just leave. I’m right, aren’t I? Well, I am, as well. I want to leave, I want to be me. But I also want him, for reasons I can’t quite understand yet. He has this weird and strange hold on me. I think I’m falling in love with him, which would be the most stupid thing I could possibly do. But the way I feel when he’s around me, in me, makes me think that maybe, just a little bit, he may actually be worth it. Maybe, I can chop away at his rule; perhaps he will make an exception for me. I didn’t chase him, he chased me. So he’s lying to himself if he thinks he won’t break that rule. He will…he will for me. I know it. I was expecting to go out for dinner tonight, but that didn’t go as planned. As I step into the living room my phone rings. I groan, it’s the last person I least want to talk to – my father. Though I have ignored him for long enough so I pick it up.

“Papa,” I say, as soon as I answer the phone. He immediately starts yelling at me in Italian. I wait for his tirade to finish before I say anything. Ignoring him, I always speak in English. “Did you hear a thing I just said, Bexley,” he huffs into the phone. “Yes and no, Papa. You want me home. As soon as you said that, I may have tuned out.” I hear his heavy breathing, indicating he’s getting frustrated with me. “I haven’t heard from you in over a month, Bexley, this is not appropriate. I raised you better than to disrespect me.” “Look, I’ll call tomorrow. I’m busy right now.” “Don’t you dare hang up on me, young lady,” he yells in Italian. So I do exactly that, I hang up. My good mood has been shut down, Zeke now Papa. I want to scream at them. Why don’t any men in my life put me first? I pull my blonde hair through my hand and decide to go back to the bedroom. I know Zeke is awake when I enter, his breathing isn’t deep. His eyes are open when I meet them and they’re on me. “Who are you?” he asks sounding interested in me. “Whoever I want to be,” I say stripping out of my clothes and climbing into bed next to him. There’s a dull light coming from the full moon

outside, so when he climbs on top and pins me with his weight, I can see all his facial features. His eyes are always so blue like the Mediterranean Ocean, that’s how I would describe them. His forehead is crinkled in thought as he looks down at me. “You think you love me?” he asks, his facial features tight, not wanting to hear the words. “I’m not answering that,” I say staring at him, trying not to show him the emotion on my face. How could I give love to someone that clearly can’t return it? “Who are you?” he says with a warmth I’ve ever seen from him. “You know who I am, Zeke.” His face scrunches again and he shakes his head at me. “I think I know what you choose to give me, I guess it’s only fair I do the same,” he says which earns a smile from me. I lean up and place my lips on his; wanting the warmth he’s showing me. His lips touch mine and they’re slow and sensual. I taste the minty toothpaste on his lips and slide my tongue in, wanting access. Access to whatever he’ll give me. “Will you come with me tomorrow?” he asks breaking away, but his lips just barely move away from mine. “Yes,” I say not caring where, I would go

anywhere with him. His lips make their way back to mine, and his large warm hands slide down my side, owning me. I run mine over his chest, feeling the scars and bullet wounds, loving all the roughness this man has to offer. His hands dig into my hips, more than likely bruising me. My hands come up to wrap around him, working their way down to his ass. My other favorite feature of this man. He stops my hands and pins them above my head, holding them there with one hand. His other slides between my breasts, slowly moving down my stomach, then to his cock, which is pressing against me. He slides himself in, making me arch and find his mouth. My hands are glued by his, not moving as he starts sliding in and out, slow at first, then faster and faster. His lips touch mine; I bite his lip and open my mouth wide. He moves faster, making me come and he isn’t far behind, and when he does he collapses on top me. Releasing my hands, so they can touch him, feel him, he lets me and he’s not moving. I trace his back and feel the exit wound of one of his scars as I move my fingers gently across the mark. He lets me feel him for a good few minutes until he slides off and out of me, and then he pulls me to him. Cradling me in his arms, I take joy in the moment of comfort, and before I know it I’m out like a light.

**** We’re at a restaurant that Zeke owns. He’s told me he owns quite a few bars and restaurants, this being one of his favorites. Dunk is sitting across from us, talking to Zeke as I order a wine while trying not eavesdrop. But when a woman who looks a lot like Megan Fox, except she’s covered in tattoos and wearing barely there clothing, walks up to us, my mouth drops open. She sits on the edge of the table and places her leg up on the chair. Turning so she can smile at us, her eyes stop on me for a second before they flash back to the men. Following her is a rather attractive man, who I would guess is maybe in his early to late thirties. On his arm is an exquisite redhead, who’s wearing a dress that you’d wear clubbing if you wanted to get laid. They both stop at the table and the redhead sneers at the dark brown haired beauty. “Aria, you’re a lady, sit like one.” Aria rolls her eyes and gives her the finger. I stifle a laugh and Aria catches me and winks. “Sit,” Zeke orders. They all sit and I watch as they do, noticing they listen to what he says, even the man who looks like he’s in charge of both these girls. Maybe not so much Aria, she seems to be in a league of her own. “Who’s the blonde?” the man asks Zeke, but his eyes are on me, appraising me.

“Bexley, this is Dominic,” he says pointing to the man, and then points to each of the girls. “Aria,” he says pointing to the dark haired beauty, she smirks and it just makes her that much more stunning. “Sarena,” he says ending it with the redhaired woman. “Aria, I hear you’re helping boom my business,” Zeke says sitting back in his seat and staring at her. I should be jealous, these women who surround him are stunning, smart talking women. Maybe not all that much in the smart area, but at least in the smart-ass mouth area. Aria smirks, and says something to her that makes her turn to him and she rolls her eyes. I can see a muscle tick in Dominic’s neck and smile. I don’t find her threatening, I find her fresh. She doesn’t care what they think of her. “I’m a boomer, baby, no one can say no to me.” She smiles seductively, and I know with that statement she’s right. Dominic snorts at her remark and she smacks his arm. He’s very attractive with short dark hair, a strong build, and a mysterious look about him. And I can tell he favors Aria over Sarena straight away. “How many a month, Aria?” Zeke asks getting straight to the point of whatever the hell job she does. “At least once a week, sometimes more.” She smiles proudly, and I wonder what is it that she

does. “She your puller, Dominic?” Zeke asks turning to face Dominic while asking him the question. “That she is.” He smiles proudly. Aria ignores the exchange and reaches across the table to where a quiet Dunk is sitting. She grabs his Corona from his grasp and chugs it back. This earns her a hearty laugh that makes everyone look at him. He doesn’t notice as his eyes are firmly on Aria. “You sure as fuck are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen, babe,” Dunker says to Aria. To which she places the beer down and smiles angelically and drops down in her chair. I watch her wondering why she’s suddenly changed her demeanor, when all of a sudden Dunker screams from his seat, “Fuckkk!” “Don’t call me, babe, again,” she says still with that innocent smile on her face. Dunker stands, holding his junk, and I burst out laughing realizing what she’s done. She’s grabbed him in his private parts. “Did you have to try to castrate my cock with your hand?” he whines at her. “Yes! Now you know not to do it again.” She repeats her grin. I like her, I like her a lot. “Well, this has been fun and all, but my brother is waiting for me. Toodles,” she says standing. She

leans down and kisses Dominic on the cheek, then Sarena and then she comes to me. “Want to escape?” she whispers. I nod my head and she smiles and reaches for my hand to pull me up. I look down to Zeke, who’s trying to contain his smirk. “I’m…” looking to Aria, wondering where we’re going, “going with Aria,” I finish the sentence. He nods his head and turns back to the table. I chance my luck at last night’s affection and reach down and kiss his cheek, and he turns and kisses my lips leaving me breathless.

I love that feeling of being in love, the effect of having butterflies when you wake up in the morning. That is special. ~Jennifer Aniston~

Chapter 9

Aria has a filthy mouth, that’s one of the first things I learned about her. Next she has a scorching hot twin brother, who’s extremely flirtatious. He’s in the back seat of her car and I can feel his eyes on me. They have a lot of the same features, same hair, same eyes, and both beautifully sun-kissed tanned. “So, Bexley, you single?” Jagger asks from the back seat. Aria turns around and smacks his head. “You fucking idiot, she’s with Zeke.” Jagger looks to me, and he starts assessing me, probably wondering why. “Are you?” he asks, not sounding sure of his sister’s presumption. “Yes, we live together,” I tell him. He smiles and sits back with his hands in his lap. “Never seen him in a relationship before,” he mutters.

“How do you know, Zeke?” “I’m a lawyer, we handle all his business cases.” I so did not expect him to say he’s a lawyer. Yes, he’s good looking, but he just seems to be a laid back dude, not a stiff lawyer. “Bexley, where ya from?” Aria asks pulling up in front of a sex shop. I give her a puzzled look and answer, “New York.” She slides out of the car and we all follow. Jagger hanging behind when I turn to look to see where he is, his eyes are glued to my ass. He catches on that I spotted him and winks, and his eyes go back to my ass. That gets him another smack in the head from Aria. “Do you have a death wish?” she asks shaking her head. The girl behind the counter smiles at Aria and pulls out a box from under the counter. Aria lifts the lid and inside is a leather outfit. I must pull a face ‘cause she smiles and says, “I’m a bad girl, Bexley, you’ll learn this.” She has a hint of seriousness to her voice. I don’t know if she’s telling me the truth, but I choose to believe her. We walk around the shop and I stop at a section that’s full of vibrators and handcuffs. Jagger walks up behind me and points to a small

one. “Women love this one,” he says, it has dolphin inscribed on it. I decide to go back to the counter and wait with Aria. She grabs some other things that I’m not entirely sure what they are, a lot look like forms of restraint. Then she walks out with us following. Aria gets a call, and she tells us that she needs to go to work. She drops Jagger off first to his house and then takes me back to Zeke’s. “Is he good to you?” she asks as we pull into the driveway. I shrug my shoulders, not sure how to answer. “Don’t let him walk all over you,” she says. I open the door and she waves me off, then speeds off down the driveway like a race car driver. When I enter the house, Zeke’s in his office on the phone, his brows scrunched together deep in thought. He must hear me because he hangs up and walks across the room to me, not looking very happy. “I don’t think Aria is the best company for you to be keeping,” he tells me like he can dictate who I see. Which doesn’t make me happy considering what I’ve given up to be with him, with nothing but sex in return. I huff and turn away to leave, ignoring him as I go. “Bexley, while you’re with me you will choose your company wisely.” “Wisely? You’re the one that introduced me to

these people. What is it that they do, Zeke? Why can’t I be around them?” I keep my voice calm, composed as it can be in this situation. “It’s none of your business what they do. I told you not to ask questions. You’re on a need-to-know basis, and right now you don’t need-to-know.” I want to throw something at his face and smash it. “Fuck you,” I scream and walk away. He follows; I didn’t think he would, he never follows me. “Don’t test me, Bexley, I won’t have it,” he says from behind me. I swing around and I’m instantly in his face. His hard gray eyes on me telling me he’s either angry or horny, I cannot determine which one. “Don’t test you,” I say, taking a step back while undoing the top button of my shirt showcasing my breasts. “Don’t,” I whisper undoing my shorts letting them drop to the floor. “Test,” I say with more sex in my voice than I’ve ever heard before while removing the rest of my shirt. His eyes are now trained on me, roaming my body. “Me,” I say the last word and unclasp my bra. He takes a tentative step in my direction. I stop him with my palm, shaking my head no. His face grows even harder, apparently not impressed by my actions, but very clearly turned on. “Bexley,” he warns.

“Zeke,” I retort. “You don’t want me to make you scream, Bexley?” He asks, his voice is soft but seductive. I fight with myself, wanting what he can give me, but not caving. “I can make myself scream tonight, Zeke,” I say walking backwards, my eyes trained on him. My knees hit the bed and I drop back, opening them wide. His eyes don’t blink as he looks me over, stopping on my wet pussy. My hand runs down over my breast, trailing lower until I touch myself. I’ve never done this before with someone’s eyes on me. But I want his power removed, and I want the power for a change. “One or two,” I ask him, indicating dipping my fingers in. “Two,” I say and insert two as my head drops back. I’m severely turned on, so wet and horny. He could take me right now and I wouldn’t say no. I rub my thumb over my clit, pushing my fingers in and out, my eyes are closed. Enjoying every single second of it. I feel my body building; feeling the intense pleasure surging through me. I just need more, more to get me there. I open my eyes when my hands are removed. Zeke is standing over me, he lifts my hand that’s now not pleasuring myself, and he takes it and licks my fingers which brings another moan from my lips. He’s fully naked now, I didn’t even see him strip. I was too lost in my own world. His

cock is hard, and his chest is hard. His tight ass is squeezed by my hands. He grabs my legs and opens them as wide as possible. Looking down at me, his eyes trained. “I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want you,” he says and he’s in me, not letting me respond to the kind words he’s spoken. And from him, that’s as good as I will get. I know it. “Tell me more,” I urge lifting my hips, his hips meet mine, slamming into me. “You are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on,” his voice is hard, in puffs with each breath. “I could fuck you for the rest of my life and it would never get old.” My heart sings as I grab for him, bringing him as close as humanly possible. “I… really, really like you,” I say, and his eyes change. There is shock, and it registers. He thought I was going to say it. I would have, but a part of me knows better. “I know,” he says and his lips slam onto mine, nothing in return.

In the flush of love’s light, we dare be brave. And suddenly we see that love costs all we are, and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free. ~Maya Angelou~

Chapter 10

She has tricks, useful tricks, and she’s using them against me. I may be able to play with her mind, but she’s proving to be just as good. Though she couldn’t hold up on her end, so that gives me hope. I meant what I said, though. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Whether I like to admit it or not, she’s worked her way into my life. Placed herself there, unable for me to let her go. Though I know a time will come when I have to as she can’t last forever in my life. My life is not for someone like her. I started in my businesses young, got into dealing drugs and was good at it. Didn’t smoke all my money away, and didn’t do bad deals. My parents didn’t know. I kept my business hidden for years. My life wasn’t easy though, I’ve been through a lot. I joined the MC when I was eighteen, I met them through my drug dealings. The president at

the time suggested I join and I pledged and worked my way up to president. I’ve killed people, I’ve been shot at, and I’ve been stabbed. None of this changed the person I was, it just made me stronger. A man to be feared, but I had something most didn’t. I was smart. I knew how to run a business, how to keep it hidden, and how to employ the right people. And if someone thought they could fuck with me, then they were dead. Questions weren’t asked or needed. My mother thinks I run restaurants. My father knows about the MC, but nothing more other than that. I’m good at what I do, I have business’s everywhere, and with those businesses I’ve made connections in very high places. Ones that would do anything to help me with what I have on them, all of them. Especially what I have on their wives. They will do anything to protect their image… anything. So the law stays out of my way. It doesn’t interfere with me or my business. I am the most dangerous and richest son-of-a-bitch in America. **** It’s the weekend and that usually means business with clients. Tonight is no different. I’m at a strip club, one that I own with the Hard Knox MC. Dunk is sitting next to me, but his attention is on the stage where a stripper is now completely naked. I bring out a bag of coke that the boys want

to test. Test so they can sell. A few of the strippers come over, obviously the sight of drugs has attracted them. One sits on my lap, the other on the other man’s lap. They all line up the coke and snort, even the girls. Me, well, I don’t dabble in that shit anymore. Lost interest, started making me slower than usual, addicted, waiting for my next hit. That’s how I got shot the first time. “This is going to sell fast, boss,” Dunk says, the vice president of my MC. Yes, that’s right, mine. I have twelve chapters spread over the country, this one being the biggest. It’s not all I do though, I dabble in a lot. So Dunk takes charge of the club when I can’t, he’s a good man. Always got my back, looking after the things I can’t. The boys cheer in response and slap some of the girls’ asses and they squeal in delight. “You going to fuck one of these whores tonight, boss?” one of my men asks. He’s new, just patched in. Dunk punches him in the arm and tells him to shut it. I smile and shake my head. Bexley doesn’t know about a lot of what I do, she knows only of the restaurants and clubs that I own. She helps me out at the front desk of my office two days a week, and sometimes she questions some things, but hardly ever. My businesses range from primarily black and white, white being the restaurants, my front. My

black being my dirtier businesses, the one's Dunk and Dominic look after, the drugs and the sex slaves. That’s how Aria is involved; Dominic picks the girls and runs that side of the business. He’s fucked more than most, he can handle it better than any. The thing is, though, I love a woman’s body, and so I switched a few things up. I don’t sell women for slavery, I sell men. The girls bring them in, and they break them down. Then they’re sold to lonely old women whose husbands are out fucking young girls, who only want them for their money. It’s my best business, and so far, Aria is my biggest money-maker. The men fall at her feet, she breaks them, fucks with their heads, then sells them to the women she picks. No, most of my women don’t get to pick who they’re sold to. Except Aria, she’s in very high and she’s good. Word has gotten out to the lonely housewives at how good the men are that she’s bringing in. I don’t want Bexley around her too much. Aria has defiance in her, too much defiance for someone who might influence my Bexley. I like her the way she is, at my command. But I can see the way she looks at Aria, she likes her. Likes the way she is, how she takes no shit. I think that’s what attracted her to me as well. She likes strong people, likes to surround herself with them. The girls wipe their noses and stand, thanking us for the goods and start doing a lap dance on each of

us. I don’t object. This is their payment for getting high. I sit back and let the girl who’s wearing a black wig shake her ass in my face in a tiny Gstring. She grinds her ass on my lap, making my cock twitch, but nothing more. She turns and stands tall and slowly undoes her bra when she drops it I can’t help but think Bexley does this better. More sex appeal, more emotions in her eyes which shine brightly with want. This girl has one thing on her mind, sex and drugs. That’s all she’s here for, all she wants. She crawls on my lap, licking a line up my neck. Then she brings another line of coke over and snorts it from my neck. I let her, don’t stop her. She starts grinding herself on me, not doing anything for me but trying to please her boss. Just as her head goes back and her breasts are shoved in my face, she’s removed as fast as she was there. And in her spot stands Bexley, looking very pissed off. And a smiling Aria is standing right behind her.

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.~

Chapter 11

I’m pissed, no scratch that, I want to scrape someone’s eyes out. Zeke is sitting there with a smug smile on his face, not caring that I just saw him with a woman basically screwing him in a strip club. I didn’t plan on seeing him tonight, I came out with Aria and Jagger. It was Jagger’s idea to come to this place. Now I wonder why. Did he know that he would be here and basically screwing a woman? The men around us stand up; I take no notice of them. But I hear Aria’s voice, “I would sit, or fuck off if I were you.” I don’t know what they do, my eyes are solely trained on Zeke. Who’s now sporting a hard on. “You want a whore?” I ask him, his smile grows wider and I instantly slap him across his face without him having time to react. When he does his facial features become hard, and he stands. I take a step back and hear the murmuring of voices around me, realizing we still have an audience.

“Don’t do that again, Bexley,” he sneers, pressing himself against me, his hard dick touching me. I don’t back down from him, I won’t. “Don’t fucking touch another woman again,” I shout back at him. “I told you, I’m not yours, but you are mine. So don’t tell me what to do. Remember the rule, Bexley,” he warns me. “Oh, I remember your fucking rule, asshole. Fuck you,” I say and go to slap him again. He stops me mid-slap, and I feel Aria step up to my back. “What are you doing, Aria,” Zeke says looking over my shoulder. I turn my head slowly to see a look of death on her face, she’s pissed. “I’m taking Bexley with me, let go of her hand, Zeke,” she warns. The men around us stand up, and I realize they all have MC cuts on. Fuck! “You work for me, Aria,” he says not letting go of my hand. I look back at her and watch as a smile grows on her face. “That may be so, but don’t think I won’t put a bullet in one of these boys’ brains before they touch me.” The men stop, all except Dunk. “You can take her,” he says, guessing she will do what she says. He drops my hand and takes a step back. Aria touches my shoulders. “You can come to my place tomorrow to get her

when you’ve cooled off,” she says and grabs my hand and pulls me away. She blows a kiss to the boys and then gives them the finger. The drive to Aria’s is quiet. She doesn’t usually live here, so she’s renting a small house with large acreage. Jagger came with her. “I know just the thing to help you unwind,” she says walking to the back of the house. I follow her and she turns on a switch which lights up the backyard. The area is basically a shooting range, boards all set up, ready to play. She picks up her archery gear and relaxes her shoulders, shooting and hitting the bullseye. She tells me what to do and I’m hopeless, I can’t even get the arrow to go anywhere near the board. She laughs and opens a chest and it’s full of guns. “Will you get in trouble?” I ask her, hoping she won’t. “For defending you?” she asks me. “Yes.” “Probably, I’m sure Dominic would love to spank me for it. But not too much, I’m their money maker,” she says smiling. “What is it that you do?” She gives me an evil smile, but it’s mixed with happiness. “Are you sure you want to know?” I nod my head.

“I’m a trafficker, Bexley.” My eyes open wide, she must register my shock ‘cause she starts laughing. “That’s the same thing Jagger did. You sure you don’t want a man like my brother instead of Zeke?” she asks raising her eyebrows. “What do you traffic?” “I traffic men, Bexley.” “You…what?” I ask stunned. “It’s what I’m good at. I get gorgeous young men, break them down, then sell them to the old ladies. It’s why I’m here. I had to meet a new client, a very exclusive client.” She reaches in and goes to hand me a gun, I shake my head at her still trying to take in everything she’s said. “And Zeke is your boss?” “Technically, yes. But, Dominic is my actual boss. Dominic is the King Pin and Zeke is the money.” “Wow!” “And Bexley, he’s extremely dangerous. Please be careful around him.” “He wouldn’t hurt me,” I say to her just above a whisper. She grabs a bigger gun, and under that I see a sniper rifle. I grab it, set it up, and lay down in the grass. I start shooting. I’m good at it, always

have been. My family has taught me well. I hit every target straight on. “Woo-hoo girl, who knew,” she says sounding impressed. “Very impressive, Bexley,” comes a voice from behind me. I know that voice could pick it absolutely anywhere. “Tell me, what else don’t I know?” he asks. I stand up and brush the grass off myself. “I will shoot you if you touch another woman again,” I warn. Aria laughs and waves goodbye as she heads back to the house. I look up at Zeke and see him looking at the markers out on the field. I hit the bullseye on everyone. “No touching,” he says sounding impressed. “No letting them touch,” I say. “No letting them,” he says taking a step closer. “Bullet if you do, to remember me after I leave you,” I say meaning what I say. “Never again,” he says stepping even closer. Wrapping his arms around me, mine circle him. “Don’t ever lay your hands on me again, Bexley. I have a short temper.” I nod my head in his chest. “You’re a bad man, aren’t you, Zeke?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“The worst, Bexley. The worst,” he says sending a shiver up my spine, but he squeezes me tighter.

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. ~James A. Baldwin~

Chapter 12

She knows some of the things I do. Aria told her, I know she did. I was listening. She took it calmer than I thought. I was expecting her to yell and scream. Leave me, even. Though she did none of those things, she worked me to her advantage, made me make promises I would never give to anyone else. But she surprised me, even with that gun. She’s one of the best shooters I’ve seen, and I have seen a lot. She shot each target as skilled as someone who is trained. “You like her,” I ask her, referring to Aria. “Yes, she’s no bullshit. It’s refreshing,” she says smirking, wrapping her arms around me. I follow and wrap my arms around her, bringing her closer. “I don’t bullshit you, Bexley,” I tell her, wanting to gauge her reaction. “Mmmhmm,” is all she says smiling. My hands circle around her face, one on each of her cheeks. I

lean her face back and just look, I can’t say it enough, think it enough that she’s literally breathtaking. She smiles up at me, and I lean down placing a soft kiss to her lips. Her hands now cover mine, over her face. And she reaches up to deepen the kiss, I let her. “Are you two going to suck face all night or come and play guitar hero with me,” Aria’s voice sings out. Bexley smiles and pulls away from me. She starts to walk off and stops mid-step looking back at me, a mischievous smile taking over. “If you play for at least an hour, I’ll let you have me any way you want,” she says shaking her ass and then running inside. And what kind of man would I be if I didn’t follow? “Oh, come on, Aria. I so kicked your ass in that one,” Bexley whines. Aria places her hand on her hip and holds the guitar, her eyebrows raised. “P…p…please! No one can beat me, I’m the mother-fucking-queen of this game.” “I won, didn’t I, Zeke?” Bexley says and both eyes turn to me. Bexley smiling sweetly, Aria threatening that she may kill me with her guitar if I don’t pick her. “You won. Sis is just not used to losing, she’ll get over it.” Jagger steps up from behind us laughing.

“Fuck you all, leave my house.” Aria shoots her hands up pointing to the door. “I’ll see you next week?” Bexley asks leaning in kissing her cheek then pulling me out the door. Aria mutters something not appropriate and Bexley laughs. Bexley tells me how she ended up at the club and that it was Jagger’s idea. I will definitely be having a chat to Jagger about that. She also tells me how fond of Aria she is. I try telling her not to get too attached to her and she laughs at me. “You tell me that about us, Zeke,” she says laughing. “Yes, and I’m right, you shouldn’t. I will only break your heart. Because I will break your heart, Bexley. There isn’t a doubt in my mind. Remember all the times I warned you, and those times you chose not to listen to me.” “How can you do that? How can you go from a great evening to ruining it with your awful words? I’m not asking you to declare your love, Zeke, I’m asking you to just end a good night on a high note. But no, you have to fuck it up with all your stupid rules and precautions.” She leans away from me in the car and stares out the window, entirely ignoring my presence now. “I don’t want you to think I’m your happily ever

after, Bexley. I’m not. I’m your hell, you just haven’t realized it yet.” “Just shut up talking and take me home,” she mutters, ignoring me. When we pull up to the house, she’s quiet. She is quiet when she enters, and she’s quiet as she strips down to nothing and climbs in bed facing away from me. “Don’t act like this is news to you, Bexley. Don’t act like I hurt you every time I tell you the truth. I won’t lie to you about any of this. What I say is the truth.” I hear her sigh. She’s slowly coming to terms, I think, that this won’t last forever. But right now, now is all that matters.

Love makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place. ~Zora Neale Hurtson~

Chapter 13

These are my thoughts as soon as I wake, it happens every time. No matter what. They consume me. I guess I’m trying to make myself believe that my love will be enough. That it is enough. Though, as I reach my hand out to touch his toned and chiseled body, my thoughts take a back burner. I run my hand along his stomach, slowing wanting it to go lower. Just as I reach his waistband, he clasps my hand in his and stops me. He throws my hand to the side and steps from the bed, not even throwing me a backwards glance. My heart breaks a little bit each time he does this to me. I’m afraid if nothing changes, and I don’t receive the tiniest bit of affection, I will become a shell of the person I was. I will basically become his whore, only there for when he needs to fuck. Never to make love. It’s purely a sexual, animal act. There’s never a trace of love when it comes to him. I watch as he walks from the shower, dripping

wet. Making my pussy come to life with just the look of him. He’s what I’d say the devil sculpted. Why the devil you ask? Because God would never be so cruel as to make a man so perfect as him to torture me. He would give me a man to love, a man that would show me an ounce of love and affection back. So, he must be the devil. He’s perfect in every way, except the way that counts. The heart. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even have a heart. And that alone breaks my heart again. Even though I know he doesn’t love me, I love him. I believe that that’s enough. Well, that’s what I keep telling myself. He stands at the end of the bed naked as the day he was born. His toned and sun-kissed skin glistening from the water that’s still dripping from him. He looks up at me, and my eyes travel the length of him as I feel his eyes boring into mine. He. Is. Deadly. Anyone who knows him knows this. But looks can be deceiving. He isn’t covered in tattoos, hell he doesn’t even smoke. His eyes are blue though sometimes they turn gray when he’s angry, very angry. His hair is long on top and he usually styles it so the top flips back. It’s shaven around the sides, and if someone tried to pull his haircut off, I don’t think it would ever look as good as it does on him. His body, well his body is made

of the devil, including his face, the devil I tell you. It’s something no woman or man can resist. It has that pull, where you want to run your tongue over every inch of him. His cheekbones are high and pronounced. His eyelashes are long, his body is pure muscle, and I don’t think there’s an inch of fat on him at all. His cock is massive, and it hits all those perfect spots when he slides into me, which makes my pussy clench even harder just thinking about sex with him. His ass, though, his ass I have to say was sculpted by the gods. It’s the best ass I’ve ever seen, and I have seen a few. It has no hair, thank God. And its round, which makes me want run my hands over it. “You staying in bed all day?” his loud gruff voice makes my eyes snap to his. His voice is one that commands. He’d make a perfect Dom with a rough voice like that. He tips his head to the side when I don’t answer, getting impatient with me. He’s still naked, placing his suit on the bed waiting for me to answer, so he can continue his task of getting dressed and be gone. “No,” I answer looking in his eyes. He pulls his pants up then slides into a crisp white shirt. He grabs his tie and starts to do it up when I stand. Fully naked. His eyes appreciate me for a second before they go back to the task at hand – getting dressed. I walk past him and go straight to the shower, I hear him as he leaves not even saying a

simple goodbye and I sigh inside. Why is he like this? Why does he even keep me around? I know I should leave him and that I could find someone to love me like I’m meant to. But I just can’t stand the thought of leaving him. After I’m showered and dressed, I apply some light makeup and make my way out of our bedroom. I stop when I hear voices, trying to listen to what they’re talking about. “Come on, Zeke,” I hear from Cora’s mouth. She’s a whore, always trying to fuck Zeke. “Remove your hands,” his voice is stern. I smile and walk around the corner. Her eyes shoot to mine, and she drops her hands smirking at me. Zeke doesn’t say a word as he walks past her to head into his office. I live here with Zeke, his house is beautiful. It consists of three bedrooms and a beautiful outdoor area with a patio and pool. It overlooks the ocean and it’s breathtaking. I walk to the kitchen not even bothering to give Cora the time of day, but she smiles at me. I don’t return it. She must think I’m completely blonde. I know she wants Zeke. Fuck, most women do. I see it all the time. He never gives them the time of day though, and that always makes me smile. I pour Zeke and myself a cup of coffee and once

it’s ready, I take it into his office. Because today is Friday, he usually doesn’t work all day, though today looks different. As soon as I step in, my eyes find him sitting at his desk clicking madly on the mouse at the computer. His eyes shoot to mine when I close the door behind me. They roam up and down and then without a second glance, he goes straight back to what he was doing on the computer. I walk so I'm standing next to him and place his coffee on the table. “I’m going out,” I say, wanting some kind of reaction. Possibly telling me to stay with him as my hopes are high. When he answers, his eyes don’t look to me. “Good, I have plans,” he says, dismissing me. I look to him one more time before I head out. I wonder if I should just leave, and if I left for long would he even notice? I highly doubt it. As I walk from the office, I see Cora sitting at her desk in front of his office. She’s his receptionist. She looks up at me and once again I don’t acknowledge her. I’ve heard her sly remarks about me several times before. She’s someone I never want to get to know on a deeper level. As I move away from his office, which is also linked to the front entry so his clients won’t wander through the house, I make my way to the kitchen to grab my purse from the bench deciding I’m going

shopping. I need to clear my head. I meet Ember at the local shopping center and she smiles when she sees me, embracing me in a hug and pulls back to look at me. Ember is beautiful, her mother is Pilipino and her father is American. She has long, dark, straight hair and a perfect figure. Me, well, my hair is blonde and cut short in a bob that shapes around my face. “What’s wrong, babe? That man of yours didn’t fulfill his duties this morning?” she asks with a wink, dragging me along as she starts to walk to the closest shops. She doesn’t wait for me to answer as she starts throwing dresses at me. She’s gifted when it comes to clothes. I guess that’s also a part of her job, though. She dresses the stars; picks their clothes for the important occasions. Obviously not all, though the list she dresses is quite impressive. And I must admit, sometimes has me jealous. “I’ve decided, that we’re going out tonight. I need a drink and possibly a fuck,” she says emphasizing it by thrusting her hips. She’s so different, and I love her for that. She doesn’t know much about Zeke. She knows him and what he wants to show the world which, of course, isn’t much. “Where are we going?” I ask carrying the dresses to the dressing room. She smiles at me. “Who the fuck cares!” And that’s the end of that.

As I pull the dress up, there’s one that’s a lovely violet color and it brings back memories of when I first met Zeke. Why didn’t I say no?

Love is the flower you’ve got to let grow. ~John Lennon~

Chapter 14

I’m a bad man, a dangerous man. I know this, and most who know me know this. I’m a private man as well; I try to keep my life confidential. Though it’s hard with a pixie floating around in my life. Bexley is beautiful, there’s no denying it, it’s one of the reasons I picked her. I knew I could fuck her day in and day out and not get sick of seeing her face. She’s most men’s wet dream, I know this ‘cause she was mine. Then I had her, and my wet dream became a reality. The day before I met her, I’d just fucked a whore. Yes, a fucking whore. Not the ones you have to pay for, just someone that spreads their legs hoping to get into your back pocket. My father used to say there were three different types of women in the world. The shy girls, who lay still in the sack and just let you fuck them. Then there are the average girls, who aren’t quiet, but aren’t loud either. Then there are the whores, the loud ones

that think they know what they want, and should get what they want. My father told me to always try for a girl who’s above average, that way I could have a whore in bed and a maintained girl on the outside. I think Bexley is that girl. She’s good, maybe too good for me, but I’m a selfish bastard and don’t want to let her go. I don’t need her, but a part of me wants her. I think she loves me, actually I’ve heard her say it when we’re asleep, even out loud. I don’t deserve her, I know it. But I won’t let her escape, she fills all my needs and I don’t have to go to anyone else. No one screams for me like she does; no one claws at my ass like she does. She isn’t nosey either and she knows not to ask questions about my work. Or ask when I’ll be home. She’s just there when I need her, needing her body. She’s every guy's dream. I watch as she walks from my office with a sway in her hips. I try to contain myself and not get up and bend her over my desk taking her from behind. I want to, but I can’t. I have a meeting soon, one that can’t be interrupted. She closes the door on her way out, not looking back. She’s trained well, and I sometimes wonder why she doesn’t question me. Why she is the way she is, but I never ask. I prefer to be blind to it all and stay in my bubble where she’s concerned. It’s easier that way.

A knock sounds on my door and Cora pops her head in. “Dunker is here,” she says. I nod my head and watch as the Vice President of the HHard Knox MC walks in. He’s a massive man, about the same size as me, except he’s covered in ink from head to toe. I don’t think there’s a part of him that the end of a needle hasn’t met. His hair is cut short, and you can just make out that it’s been dyed blond. He nods his head and sits in the chair in front of my desk and kicks his boots up on to it. I like Dunker; he is a businessman, one that doesn’t fuck me around. “Remove your boots, Dunk,” I tell him facing the computer screen. He does so and huffs then runs his hands through his buzz cut. I look up to him letting him know he can talk and he does. “I need my next shipment early, Zeke,” he says in a stern voice. “I told you, it would be ready in two weeks,” I reply, getting angry because he expects it sooner. “I know, but it’s in demand. And it’s in high demand,” he huffs out at me. “Tell your people to fucking wait. When I give you a date, it stays that date. I don’t change it for no one.” “Fuck,” he says grabbing his chin pulling at his small beard, which is also blond.

“I don’t fuck around, Dunk, I give you a date and I always deliver. Don’t piss me off, you won’t like it,” I tell him sitting back in my chair picking up the now stone-cold coffee Bexley brought in earlier. “You mean like one of the men that tried to sell under your nose and then you killed him?” he asks, laughing while sitting back in his chair. “They know not to mess with my business because it will get them killed,” I say simply. “Yeah, well, that’s why I’m here, no one can get me what I want. I was hoping for some leeway as I’m one of your long-time friends,” he says. “You’re deluded if you think we’re friends; I don’t have them.” “Why not? You’re such an approachable kind of fella?” he says laughing, making fun of me. “You will wait until it’s ready. I won’t rush my people ‘cause your druggies want protection from someone they’ve probably screwed over,” I say, knowing he wants my guns. A vast shipment of them, which is due in two weeks. I’m the only person to supply such enormous shipments, if anyone else tries to do so, I’ll have them killed. The east coast is mine, and mine alone. “You attending Yossi’s tonight?” he asks as he stands and prepares to leave. I nod my head and

turn back to my computer, dismissing him. Yossi’s is a bar, well, a nightclub. I go there to talk business. Most of my big clients present there when they like to talk their business over. It’s late by the time I finish up in the office. Cora has left for the day and Bexley hasn’t come back. Which I’m relieved ‘cause I see the way she looks at me when I go out late at night. She doesn’t say anything, but I know she wants to. It’s packed when I arrive and enter the club, a few girls notice me and try to accidently brush themselves against me. The whores. I spot Quinton in one of the private booths and make my way over to him. He’s the man in charge of the drug side of my business. Most don’t realize it’s mine as well. And I prefer to keep it that way. As I reach him, he hands me a scotch and I sit down, he turns back to watching out onto the dance floor. I notice him and all his friends are smiling and pointing at someone. I follow their gaze and see two girls shaking their hips in tiny dresses. I appreciate their bodies as I watch as well. Quinton notices and nudges me. “I will be in one of them, or maybe both by the end of the night,” he says to me. He’s probably right, he’s an attractive man and women never say no to him. He’s tall, probably taller than my sixfoot-three and is a fitness junky.

He stands and winks at me as he makes his way over to the two women. I turn my head away and refill my drink. When I look back up, he’s between the women, his hands on both their hips working his charm. Silly fucking women, if only they knew how fucked he was they wouldn’t go near him. He turns to me and nods, guiding the two girls to where we’re seated and sits down with them. Nodding to the brunette to come to me, she climbs on my lap and sits across it. I look her up and down and appreciate her looks though she isn’t making my cock hard. So for that reason I remove her to the empty seat next to me. Just when I look up, I notice eyes on me. They are deep and hurt. Bexley is standing near the bar with her friend watching me. I don’t go to her and try to tell that it was nothing because there’s no need for that. She notices that I don’t move and swings her head around when Ember speaks to her and takes the drink from her hand. One thing I like about Bexley is that she doesn’t drink much, always in moderation. She never lets her ambitions go, and just let’s loose. She’s too reserved for that. She chugs the first drink, and Ember gives her two more. Ember smiles wide at her and hands her a mixed spirit and that’s all I need to see. I turn my head back and look at Quinton to see him sucking face with both girls now. I don’t plan to stay long, but just as I think it’s time to leave I see Bexley on

the dance floor.

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. ~Henry Van Dyke~

Chapter 15

I can tell by the way her body is moving that she’s drunk. She can hardly stand and is leaning on anyone in her vicinity. She tries swaying to the music, but she can’t dance. Ember grabs hold of her and sways her hips with a hand on each hip. Bexley throws her hands in the air and throws her head back keeping her eyes closed. She can’t dance, but the look on her face is relaxed and she’s in a state of pleasure. I’ve been sitting here not talking or moving, watching her for the last few hours. She’s had more to drink and is hardly standing now. She yells something in Ember’s ear and waves to her as she makes her way to the front of the club. I stand and follow, having no idea why. I watch her as she trips and lands on the cement in front of a cab laughing at herself, before she pulls herself up and opens the cab door climbing in. I watch, not doing a thing and turn to walk to my car to follow

her home. Upon arrival at home, the front door is left wide open and the clothing she was wearing is basically in a line all the way to our bedroom. I don’t see her in bed, but I hear the shower turn off. Staying where I can watch her, she flings the door open walking out with a just a towel around her and she spots me with from the light coming from the bathroom. She looks at me and shrugs her shoulders then climbs into bed with just the towel, not bothering to take it off. “You drank tonight?” I ask, removing my own clothes and intending to climb in next to her and fuck her. “Yep,” she says, not giving me more than that. I pull the blanket back and she sits up to pull it back over herself. “Why?” I ask, having no idea why I’m asking her this question. “‘Cause I needed you out of my head,” she says turning away from me. “Why, Bexley?” I ask her again, she sighs and doesn't look back to answer me. “Because you’re always in there, making me love you, and I don’t want to tonight,” she says barely in a whisper. “Did it work?” I say climbing in next to her, my

hand goes straight to her ass. “Nope, I don’t think anything will.” “Good,” I say and turn her around to face me. “It’s not good,” she mumbles not meeting my eyes. “Why isn’t it good, Bexley?” I ask her, pulling the towel away from her. “I don’t want to love you,” she says almost inaudibly. If I had a heart I’d tell her, it’s okay, I’m here for you. But I don’t and I’m an asshole. “Then don’t,” I say and look down at her breasts, her nipples are hard, waiting and wanting for me to touch them. I hear her intake of breath when I place my lips over her pink nipple, and lick then bite it hard enough to leave a mark. She arches up for me. I remove her perfect breast from my mouth and watch as she takes me in. I’m basically straddling her naked, my cock hard as a fucking rock sitting on her belly. Her eyes turn to lust when she eye fucks me, and she seems to forget the conversation we were having as she sits up and pushes me to the side, so I’m off her. I let her, and watch as she sits up and climbs over me to straddle my thighs. “You want me, don’t you,” she says in a voice I’ve never heard before. I look down at my hard cock and give her a smirk. She’s so fucking sexy

right now; she looks flushed, with her wet hair from the shower. Nipples poking out waiting and wanting for me to touch and lick. She grabs my cock and strokes it with her hands, with a sinful smirk on her face. “It only wants me, doesn’t it?” she asks to my cock or me? I’m not sure. “Answer me, Zeke? Am I the only one you fuck?” She squeezes harder and fuck it’s hot. She stops when I don’t answer her. I don’t want to answer, I’m already breaking her as it is. I sit up and she falls backwards. She’s now lying between my legs. Her legs and shaven pussy right on my face. I lick my fingers and place them on her clit, she moans and it’s the best fucking sound in the world. I do the same again; lick, touch, repeat, applying pressure, and then removing. She sighs every time my hands leave her. By the fourth time, she’s getting angry. She sits up and pushes me back down, I let her. She climbs up me and positions herself over me, cock in her hand and she slowly goes to sink down. Then stops, just as my tip is in her warm cunt. She then lifts up and removes me completely. I look at her and see a devilish smile on her face as she does it again. “I can play games too, Zeke,” she says, but when she returns to do it again this time I take over and slam her hips straight down. She throws her

head back and screams in pleasure, as I sit up and look at her. Her eyes close, her lips part. Fuck! She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. “I’m the master of games, don’t fuck with me,” I say and move her hips to the rhythm I so desperately need. She ends up taking control and starts moving up and down my cock fast. I watch her face when she’s near coming. I grab her ass and squeeze, then slap it hard as she leans down to me. I take her nipple in my mouth while she keeps on riding, soon she’s screaming and collapsing on top of me. I lift her up and place her on her stomach on the bed, grabbing her hips and lifting them up high enough to sink my cock back into her. She’s limp, but once she feels me, she starts moving knowing I’m so close and wanting to give her pleasure as well. I reach down and play with her clit; she starts squeezing my cock hard. Her screams grow louder and I pound into her, finding my own release. She falls back to her stomach, and I lay down next to her. She turns to face me and her face is stoic. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” she says, and before I can tell her anything she closes her eyes and a soft snore escapes her beautiful mouth. Maybe I’m a selfish asshole for holding her love captive. But a part of me doesn’t want to let it

go, another part doesn’t give a flying fuck either way.

Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick~

Chapter 16

My head hurts when I wake up. It hurts so bad I can’t even open my eyes. But I have to; I have to somehow make it to the bathroom. I stand on shaky legs and remember all of a sudden why they’re shaking. Then I remember the conversation. Well, my conversation and his no words conversation. I manage to pull my eyes open and turn to see him still asleep. No man should be as beautiful as he is. Fuck! Now I want to cut him from my memory, the memory of a girl on his lap, rubbing her large breasts over him and him not even caring. I often wonder if there’s something wrong with me that’s making me stay with someone like him. It can’t just be the sex, even though that’s the best and only thing in our relationship right now. In the beginning he was cold, then possessive, then maybe just a tiny bit caring. And I thought I had won the lottery, and that I got to see a piece of this man that no other does. But maybe it was a mask to trap me,

to make me love him because I do. Fuck, I do, with every bone and blood cell in my body. I used to think it was lust, well, that or sex love. If there’s even such a thing, but I hate going a day without seeing him, and I hate not talking to him. I love his presence, even if he’s asleep next to me. Everything in me loves something about him, but my head, my head knows it shouldn’t. Maybe my head should tell my heart? I walk away, go to the bathroom and then turn on the shower. Once I step into the hot water it makes me feel a little bit better. I stay in there longer than expected, and the next thing I know I jump when a hand touches me. I turn to see him behind me, looking at me. I manage to look straight into his eyes, and I know he wants me. But right now, I don’t want him, I don’t want the heartless sex. Right now, I need alone time, alone without him, for the first time in a very long time. I step from the shower and he watches me but doesn’t say anything. One day I’d like him to tell me to stay. To not leave him as I know he needs me right now, but I guess that will never happen if it hasn’t by now. He isn’t far behind me. I’ve managed to get dressed in yoga pants and one of his workout shirts and I climb back in bed and watch as he walks around not looking, not saying anything to me.

Sometimes he does. Sometimes he makes me happy beyond belief. Even if it’s small, he tries. “Do you want breakfast?” he asks. He’s at the door ready to leave to start his day. I shake my head no and turn away from him. I hear him sigh and walk out. I try not to think too much about our fucked up relationship. But it’s the only thing my mind does. I’ve changed my life for him, quit my job, and moved in with him. I often wonder if I was dumb and naive to do such a thing. My days are filled with nothingness and I need to change that. Maybe tomorrow is the last thing I think about before I pass out. I wake to Zeke’s hand running up my back and turn slightly in the bed. He looks pained though I’m not sure why. I pull him to me; I think it’s just a natural thing to do when someone looks upset. He comes and his head lies on my shoulder, we stay like this with his hand rubbing up my sides and comforting both of us. He lifts his head and places a soft kiss on my lips, and I want more. I deepen the kiss and grab hold of him tighter. He obliges his hands start running all over me. I shiver. I love the feel of him. “Zeke,” Cora’s voice comes from the door. I let go and drop my head back onto the bed and sigh very loudly. Zeke lifts his head and looks to Cora with a look that would make you run, then he turns

back and kisses my lips before he gets up to leave. He adjusts himself and I watch as he does, and notice that Cora is still watching. Huh, suck that bitch! They both walk out the door and Zeke stops and turns back to look at me. “I need you dressed. I have a meeting and want you to attend with me.” I’m sure my face registers a shock expression because I never go anywhere with him for his work. I don’t even know all his businesses though I’m fairly sure I don’t want to either. **** I’m dressed in jeans, shirt and heels, and as we drive I’m wondering where we’re going when we stop at a house in the hills. It’s very secure and we have to go through multiple gates to get to the main house. As the car comes to a stop, we step out and I see men in suits. I look down at my outfit and back to Zeke in his suit. “Is what I’m wearing okay?” I ask as I walk to the front of the car. He looks me up and down and takes my hand in his and gives it a squeeze. “You’re perfect,” he says and starts walking toward the entrance. Opening the door with a key, I give him a puzzled look. Hearing loud voices as we enter, I take a look around. The house is massive and an open plan. The floors are covered in pristine white tiles and the furniture seems to match, all in

white. I would hate to see kids in this place. “Whose house is this?” I ask still looking around. “My parents,” he simply says and I stop, pulling him up in his tracks as I have a hold on his hand. “Tell me you’re joking,” I say, dropping his hand from mine, trying to calm my breathing. Fuck, why would he bring me here? “I’m here for business, Bexley, some of my associates are here. And my father runs a restaurant I own.” “Yes, but…it’s your…parents,” I stumble the words out. He smiles, and it makes me smile. It’s not something I get to see often, so when he does it makes my heart happy. I think he smiled on purpose, to distract me. ‘Cause the next thing I know, we’re in the living area filled with people, and I know none of them. “Zeke.” An older lady comes over and kisses his cheek and smiles down at me, but it’s a tight smile. Definitely not a happy one, more forced. “And who’s this?” she asks looking me up and down, still assessing me with her old eyes. “Mother, this is Bexley. Bexley, this is Elizabeth, my mother.” I smile at her and grab Zeke’s hand and squeeze hard. He smirks and walks me away. He knows when I’m

uncomfortable. Thank God he doesn’t seem to care, I mean it’s his mother of all people. “Quinton, Alex aka Dad, this is, Bexley,” he says pointing to the other two men and they give me a broad smile. Quinton is quite attractive, the same build as Zeke, maybe a bit bigger and has a playboy persona about him. He doesn’t interest me, there’s something about him that screams bad. Alex looks a lot like Zeke, same facial features, same eyes, and same build. I can see where he gets his looks. Alex’s hair is cut short, different to Zeke’s, but they have so many similarities it’s not hard to tell it’s his father. Quinton has a girl at his side and she looks like she’s high. She smiles at me, or what I think is a smile, but her eyes land on Zeke. Her smile turns sultry when she locks eyes with him, and she stands to walk over to us. She stops right in front of him and runs her hand up his chest while I’m standing there holding his hand. The cheek of this bitch! I grab her hand and fling it away. Her smile turns sour and her eyes turn to me. “Don’t touch me,” she sneers. “Don’t touch what you can’t have,” I say quietly knowing I’m in view of Zeke’s family. “Quinton, why is that here?” Zeke says and points to the trash standing in front of us.

“You were just leaving, weren’t you, Bubba.” I cough to cover my laugh at her name. She looks at me and turns on her heels, grabs her bag and shoulders me as she walks past. Fucking slut! “So you’re the flavor of the month? I actually haven’t had a chance to meet his woman for quite some time,” Quinton says walking closer to us, his eyes roaming my body making me want to squirm away from his sexual gaze. My eyes shoot to Zeke’s waiting for him to correct him, but he doesn’t. I drop my hand from his grasp and let it fall to my side. “Don’t start, Quinton,” Zeke says and Quinton looks surprised. His eyes go from me to Zeke’s before he nods his head and takes a seat while picking up a glass of alcohol. I try to act interested in their conversation, but in no time I’m picking up my phone and reading a book while they chat. About two hours go by before I realize Zeke is standing next to me waiting so we can leave. I smile as I stand and shake hands, his mother gives me an air kiss on my cheek and smiles sourly at me once again. Zeke must notice ‘cause he grabs my hand and says his goodbyes as we exit the house. “Well, that was interesting,” I say in the car. Zeke half smiles at me. “Your mother sure did like me,” I tell him in a sarcastic tone.

“She doesn’t like anyone,” he says ending the conversation.

We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love. ~Sigmund Freud~

Chapter 17

I stay quiet. I can see it in her eyes that she’s had enough; that I’m breaking her down more and more each day. Though that won’t change, I won’t change who I am, or how I treat her. I’ve treated her the best out of any woman I’ve ever been with. She gets me more than anyone ever has. I don’t like to spend time with people, but I do it with her ‘cause I know it makes her happy. It’s the least I can give her. She sighs and looks out of the window, disappointment written across her face when I don’t say anything. I think it’s time for this to end, I can’t keep on doing this to either one of us. I care for her, I don’t do love, but it’s close enough to what I feel for her. And I’ve broken all my rules for her, to give her what she wants. To make this work, I just can’t any longer. We walk silently into my house, nothing is around that’s hers. I asked her to move in, asked her to quit her job until she found something she

was interested in. I support her, some might think, but really it was the other way around. I use her, abuse her, and eat it all up. She cooks for me, organizes things I don’t have time to do. Stays home when I go out all night, never asking questions. Never questioning anything. She’s the perfect doll. Resilient at first. But eventually I’ve broken her in, well fucked her in. She heads for the bedroom, the only clue that there’s a woman living here. I follow and watch as she sits down on the bed and her eyes go glassy, but she doesn’t cry. I’ve never seen her break. She’s a strong a girl, correction was a strong a girl. “I don’t think I can do this,” she says in a shaky breath. “I don’t think you should.” She looks up at me with hope, but she misunderstood me. I correct it. “I think you should leave,” I say and walk to my closet, placing my jacket on a hanger. Her breathing is heavier now; I can hear it from across the room. “You should have let me be to start with, so why couldn’t you?” she screams at me, her anger shining through. It’s turning me on. “I get what I want, Bexley. I wanted you, and now I’ve had you!” I know I'm cold to her, it’s what she needs to hear. It’s what I need to hear.

“I could fucking cut you right now, you insensitive bastard. Don’t you care about how I feel? About what you’ve done to me? I was never this woman, this woman that drops everything for a man. Fuck! The man should drop everything for me. I’m a fucking prize you piece of shit,” she screams and slaps me hard across the face. She goes to do the same thing again and I catch her wrist in my hand. “Once is all you get,” I seethe. She smirks through soaked eyes, and I know Bexley is coming out. The wild one, the beautiful one. Not the one I’ve broken down to please me. She leans in like she’s going to tell me something, and then all of a sudden I drop her hand and fall to my knees on the floor. The bitch kicked me in my cock and it fucking hurts. I feel her breath on my neck. “Don’t contact me again, you prick. I will have you killed,” she says with such anger in her voice which is a total surprise. This also turns me on. I stand and grab her by the waist, my lips touch hers and at first I think she’s giving in, but then she bites. She bites my lip so hard I can taste blood. I don’t stop, though; I have had worse than that, way worse. I grab her ass pulling her to me and sliding my other hand down the front of her jeans. She’s wet, I knew she would be. She tries to resist,

she bites me again, and I know my lip is going to be swollen and sore. I can taste the metallic tang in my mouth, but it only pushes me on further, making me want her more. Her hands are at my side, her nails digging into my skin, clawing at it, probably causing me to bleed there as well. I step back, not moving my hand from her ass and tear her shirt off in one go. She snarls at me and looks down at her now exposed breasts. I undo her pants, pulling them down and going to my knees. I can smell her; she’s soaking wet just for me. Like always. My tongue touches her once her jeans are off, her tiny G-string ripped off as well. Her head falls back, her hands are now in my hair and pulling so hard my scalp starts to scream out in protest. It doesn’t stop me. Soon she’s writhing under my tongue, her legs going weak. I support her and lick one final time, starting at her entrance and working my way up to her clit, a loud moan escaping her mouth. My finger is next and I stand still holding her. I pull my cock free, stroking it once then plunging it straight into her, my pants fall to my feet. Her legs come up around my waist, her nails go to my back slowly making their way down to my ass, where she grabs and squeezes hard. I can feel her climax coming fast, mine just as close. “You like being beneath me don’t you?” I say to

her and drop her on the bed with myself still inside her. She says nothing. “You like the way I fuck you like you’re my fucking whore.” Her eyes shoot open and she slaps me again across the face. I grab her hands and place them up over her head, restraining her, and driving into her so hard she screams and arches her back. My mouth latches to one of her nipples and I bite her hard, leaving my imprint on her. She comes when my mouth attaches to her other breast, and I follow closely behind. Dropping on top of her to catch my breath, I stand and head straight for the shower. I turn the light on and look at myself. My lip is swollen like I’ve been punched, hard. Blood is all over my mouth. My stomach has scratch marks and is covered with traces of blood. She has imprinted herself on me, and not in a way I thought she would have. As soon as I finish I wrap a towel around my waist and head for the bedroom. When I get there, she’s gone. I turn on the light in the walk in closet and see all her things are missing. She’s gone. I run to the front door, hoping to catch sight of her one last time. But I don’t, she’s done. Disappeared without a goodbye.

If you do not love me I shall not be loved if I do not love you I shall not love. ~Samuel Beckett~

Chapter 18

I’m back in New York, working and making my father proud. ‘Cause that’s what a good daughter is meant to do, right? The day I left Zeke, I left a piece of me there with him. One I can’t get back, one I don’t think I will ever get back. He was never good for me, not someone I could have had a happy ever after with, I know this now. I just didn’t want to believe it. He hasn’t tried to contact me, hasn’t attempted to see me though he’d have a difficult time doing so. He never knew much about me, didn’t care to learn. I never gave him any information willingly. He would’ve run from me or possibly killed me if he knew who I really was. I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving, I literally packed a bag and went straight to the airport. Ember tried calling me a week after I left, I left her a message to tell her I’d moved back home, and I’d call her when I could. She gave up waiting for me

to call and has now started calling me. “Do I need to kick some serious ass?” Ember asks into the phone sounding serious. I want to laugh, but I can’t. “No, I left him, Ember.” “Oh!” Is her reaction. “Why?” she asks sounding curious. “It was going nowhere, I had to do it for my own sanity.” “I’m here for you, you know that right?” she asks and I nod my head and tell her goodbye. **** I know I’ve talked about my relationship with Tragger before and the reasons I left, but what you don’t know was that I was engaged to him. There was no love, no lust. He was a family friend, someone I worked with. I didn’t feel a connection with him or anything like the feelings I had with Zeke. God, just thinking about him makes my heart hurt. Zeke had this way of capturing your attention, holding it and consuming it. I’ve only met one person that hasn’t been as captivated by him as I was, and that was Aria. But she’s not one to be blinded, she’s different. Tragger’s gorgeous. Totally good looking, but for me, there wasn’t much there. He’s a bad boy as

well, just not in the same league as Zeke. Complete opposites, Zeke is dangerous and manipulative, Tragger is good, but a player. He’s covered in tattoos and piercings. Something I thought I was attracted to, until Zeke. I’m meeting Tragger at a local coffee shop. He rang me when he heard I was back and wanted to meet up. I told him I didn’t want anything more. He claimed he understood and just wanted to see me. So I agreed. As I walk in I see him, he’s hard to miss. He’s as large as Zeke, probably even larger. Girls seem to stare at him, either in awe or perhaps they’re scared, I’m not sure which. He sees me and smiles, his lip ring inching up. He’s dressed in jeans and a baseball cap, his white shirt clinging to his toned body. I wish I felt for him what he feels for me, my heart might have been safe with him. Not abused and used like it was with Zeke. “Bexley.” He draws me in for a hug and I let him for a second before pulling back. He indicates for us to sit. He takes my hand and holds it in his across the table, his gorgeous green eyes pulling me in. “You just left,” he says, wondering why. “I had to. I needed some time away, some me time,” I say trying to pull my hand away, but he doesn’t let go.

“We were worried, Bexley. Me, your father, work. You scared us,” he says trying to make me feel guilty. I’ve known Tragger forever, his family is friends with mine, and we were raised together, even took up the same work as one another. “I’m back now,” I say with a forced smile. He moves his seat closer to me, putting less distance between us. “You are, will you try again?” he asks and I raise my eyebrow. “With me,” he says, and I have to think of a nice way to say no. I can’t say yes. I don’t love him that way. I love Zeke, even though I wish I didn’t. “Bexley!” My name is shouted from behind me. I turn ignoring Tragger and see Aria of all people standing there. I look at her and smile, her eyes go behind me where Tragger is sitting and they change. She looks at our hands, and her head drops to the side in question. I go to shake my head to tell her no when I see who she’s with…Zeke. His eyes aren’t on me; they’re on Tragger and his hand. His eyes speak multiple levels of violence – kill, looks to be one of them, which is weird, he isn’t usually possessive. So his reaction has me surprised and makes me slip my hand from Tragger and drop it into my lap. Aria walks in, but Zeke stays at the door, his eyes going from me to Tragger.

“I’ve missed you, skank,” Aria says leaning in and kissing my cheek. I smile and her eyes go behind me, glued to Tragger. “Sorry, life’s been busy,” I say, not knowing what else to say. “Hey, don’t apologize to me. I’m fine with you growing a backbone and leaving,” she says winking at me. “I’m Tragger.” Tragger steps forward and holds his hand out for Aria, to which she looks him up and down and turns to me and smiles. Dismissing him. “Hey, why don’t you go out and say hello while I talk to your friend,” she says pointing to Zeke, who looks like he’s guarding the front door. I shake my head no, but I look to Tragger and see his attention is solely on Aria. Hypnotized by her. My steps are languid. I can’t look at him. But I feel his eyes on me. I stop at the door and he opens it, allowing me to walk through. He follows, and we both stop out the front, without an audience. My eyes go back inside to where Aria and Tragger are sitting. A smirk taking up his face as he watches her. “Who’s the guy, Bexley?” Zeke asks, pulling my attention back to him. His eyes are hard, gray with anger, not lust. I think.

“A friend,” I whisper. “Who is he to you, Bexley?” he asks stepping closer, his smell encasing me. “My ex-fiancé,” I barely whisper, but he hears me, I know he does. Then he’s on me, his body trapping me to the side of the building. “You want him? You want to fuck him as you do me?” He breathes in my ear, nipping it as he does. “No,” I say, wishing I had the will power to tell him differently. “Come to me tonight. Let me show you what you walked out on,” he says kissing me now, then sucking. Marking me. I shake my head no, and he stops then grabs my hand and pulls me along while he briskly walks, my legs trying to catch up to him and falling in the process. He catches me just before I hit the floor and picks me up. When I look up I’m cradled in his arms. I notice we’re out the front of a hotel, a hotel he’s now walking us into.

Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat. ~Ben Hecht~

Chapter 19

Aria saw her first, and she made us stop to look. I know why, she saw that man with her and she’s sick of my attitude. She wants to shoot me with one of her arrows, or so she’s told me a number of times. She’s been staying in my area for her work and is annoying the living hell out of me. But she’s growing on me, and I now understand why she’s so good at what she does. Dominic picked well, she’s a firecracker. Someone you either love or hate. I’m on the verge of both. She was pissed when she came around and didn’t find Bexley at mine, and she immediately took me to task. I dismissed her and she’s decided to annoy me ever since. She’s growing on me, and she doesn’t take my shit and gives it right back. She wants me to fight for Bexley, but she tells me that Bexley is too good for me and I agree. When I saw her sitting there, with that man’s hands on her, I tried to calm myself. Told myself

not to risk everything by going in and shooting him straight in the head. When her eyes landed on mine, and I saw the hurt I’ve inflicted, I knew I didn’t have a right. So I stayed where I was and kept my distance. Though I knew Aria would change that, she’s a fucking meddler that woman. I knew when she walked out, it must’ve had something to do with Aria, and I will make it up to her later. I need to touch her and to taste her. It’s been two torturous months since I’ve had my fill of Bexley, two agonizingly long months. When I was close enough to smell her, I was instantly hard. She smells of cotton candy. She told me about that man, and I calmed myself with her touch. Now she’s in my arms because I have a feeling my demands won’t work on her any longer. Her eyes search mine when I push the button on the elevator. I search hers too, missing her more than I’m willing to admit. “What are we doing, Zeke?” she asks trying to get down. I lift her back up and keep her in my arms. She sighs and drops her head back to my chest. The elevator dings, and I walk out with her in my arms. When I reach my suite, I take her straight into my bedroom, laying her on the bed. She sits up and looks at me. “You just want sex?” she asks seriously. “I want you,” I tell her, but sex is what I need

right now. “Only for now,” she says standing, stepping closer to me. “I shouldn’t be here with you, it’s a bad idea,” she says shaking her head, trying to convince herself. But when my hand touches and wraps around her, she comes willingly. “All the best ideas are bad, Bexley,” I tell her, knowing this for a fact. “Not with you, they aren’t,” she says leaning up to me. I bring my lips down, touching hers, tasting her. I pull at her clothes, wanting them removed, wanting to feel her. Her dress drops easily, leaving her in just a thin piece of material and no bra. “Have you missed me, Bexley?” I ask grabbing her ass and squeezing hard. My hands feel their way back up her body, stopping just under her breasts. I push her back so she drops onto the bed. She looks up, her eyes fixated on me. I remove my clothes fast needing her desperately. I grab a condom, undoing it with my teeth and sliding it down. She watches everything I do. “Looks like you’ve missed me,” she says eyeing my cock. I laugh at her, she makes me smile. “Oh, yes, I have,” I say leaning down, hovering over her body. “I’ve missed your legs,” I tell her, dragging my hand up her leg. “I’ve missed your pussy, so fucking much,” I say laying my hand over

the piece of material that is covering her heat. “I’ve missed these breasts,” I tell her using my teeth to pinch her nipple with my mouth. “But fuck, nothing prepared me for the loss of you,” I say closing in on her, my hands grabbing her face, smashing my lips to hers. She writhes underneath me, bringing herself up a fraction. I slide her panties off and lick my fingers, placing my hand between us and playing with her clit, sucking and licking my way down her body until I reach her breasts and bite into her nipple. That’s the thing with Bexley, she likes it rough. It makes her even wetter. I can’t stand it anymore, I need in her. I can’t prepare her anymore, to make her come first. I need her…I need to fuck her like I’ve missed her. “Oh, my fucking God,” she screams as I enter her. I try not to laugh, she’s so damn tight. I smile thinking she hasn’t been with anyone since the last time. She arches up, her breasts in my face and her hands in my hair. Trailing their way down, scraping as they do across my back, inflicting pain as she goes. “Fuck me like it’s the last time you will see me, Zeke,” she says looking at me. I should have stopped then, that’s the moment everything changed. I should’ve known, but I was to lost in her. Like I will always be. She calls me the devil, but it’s her devil ways that have me hooked. I’ve never gone back to a woman, never wanted them

again after things have ended. But the moment I saw her, I knew I had to have her. I throw her legs over my shoulders, lift her up so she’s in the shape of a U and she clings to me. My hands holding her, I pull her up and slam her back down as she screams out in pleasure. I do it again this time harder and faster, wearing both of us out. I fuck her into what I hope will be submission, but I should’ve known better. Known she was not who she said she was. Should have learned more about her. I watch as she comes undone while I’m in her, watch as her head drops back in pure pleasure, and all I can do is be hypnotized by her sheer beauty. I drop her back onto the bed knowing I’m missing a meeting I should be attending right now and hoping Aria has that covered for me. I lay next to her and watch, as she passes out without a smile on her face. My phone rings, it’s what wakes me from after my afternoon with Bexley. When I wake, she isn’t there. I grab the phone and see Aria’s name and answer it. “Please tell me you got laid and you’re no longer a Debbie Downer,” she whines into the phone. “What do you want, Aria,” I say scratching at my face and waking up.

“Meeting went well. I’m going out tonight. See you at home when I get there,” she says and hangs up. Shit, I forgot to ask how it went. This is what she’s doing to me. This is why we can’t possibly work. I stand naked from my bed and walk out to the living room of my suite. I’m surprised when I don’t see Bexley. She’s gone. Her clothes are gone, her shoes are gone, everything is gone. I guess she didn’t want to say goodbye, just wanted a revenge fuck.

Love is a game that two play and both win. ~Eva Gabor~

Chapter 20

As soon as he was asleep, I was out of there. I didn’t need to stay any longer. It was a mistake to go there in the first place. I shouldn’t have gone, I should have been stronger and walked in the other direction the minute I saw him. Nothing good will come out of being with him. We’re from two entirely different worlds, and I don’t see how they can combine. Unfortunately, I learned this the hard way. I go straight to the office. I’ve been back at work since I returned, my father requesting so. Tragger is there when I walk in. He looks at me and shakes his head, telling me it’s not a good time to see him. I sit at my desk and do the required paperwork for the day, and get lost in it. By the time my phone starts ringing I notice the time, and two hours have passed since I left Zeke. His voice messages demanding to see me, his texts. I ignore them all.

I watch as my father walks out of his office, pinpointing me and walking straight in my direction. The man he is with, he dismisses like a fly. He stops when he gets to me shaking his head in disappointment. “We need to talk, Bexley.” I nod my head knowing it was coming, Tragger tells my father everything. Another reason our relationship never worked. By the time I have finished talking to my father, I’m exhausted and just need to sleep, today has been too long. But when I pull up at my home, Zeke is there waiting for me. Dressed in all black and looking deadly. He stands taller when he sees me, stalks straight to me and grabs my chin and lifts it up. So I’m in his face. “Did I say you could leave when I was sleeping?” he asks, sounding more than a little angry with me. I shake my head no, and break away from his grip. “I want you to come back,” he says leaning into me now. “I’m leaving tonight, I want you to go with me,” he says. I know it’s something I have to do, but will it destroy me? “Okay,” I reply giving in, just not for the reasons he’s thinking. Others. His face changes, not believing I would give in so easily. “Just like that?” he says, sounding surprised.

“Just like that,” I repeat to him. He nods his head and follows me up to my apartment, I grab what I need and pack it in a bag. It’s not enough, but it will do. He grabs a photo on my nightstand and smashes it in front of me. It’s of me and Tragger. Tragger is kissing my cheek at our engagement party. “Was that necessary?” I ask him looking to the ground where my smashed photo is littering the floor. He nods his head and grabs my bag as he walks past me wanting me to follow, so I do. As soon as we arrive at his house, I crawl into bed and fall asleep. I remember Zeke coming in barely and pulling me to him. Then when he realized I was still dressed he undressed me in my sleepy haze. The next morning when I wake up, I’m alone in bed. I get up and walk to the kitchen to make coffee, and I realize I’m only dressed in my shirt and boy shorts. I don’t care, though, I need something to wake me up, and coffee does the trick. I hear him before he enters; he’s on his phone and is walking my way. He stops talking when he sees me, I don’t turn around. “I could fuck you right now,” he says his voice husky and right next to my ear. “Why don’t you,” I answer back, egging him on.

“I have clubhouse business,” he says moaning into my ear, pressing himself into me showing me how bad he wants me. “Let me come,” I ask. His face looks like he’s trying to work out why I would ask such a thing. It’s not something I’d typically request, and he knows this. “There isn’t much for you to do there, Bexley. Why would you want to come?” “Just want to see where you go. What you do.” “Do you want to know why I go there, Bexley?” he asks me his voice darker. “Yes.” “It’s my clubhouse, Bexley, I am the president.” “Are you joking?” I ask him. “No, Bexley.” “But you don’t even ride a motorcycle,” I say not remembering ever seeing one. “I do, actually I’m going to take you on the back of it,” he says not referring to the ride at all. “What if I don’t want to go on the back,” I say playing dumb. “I’ll let you ride me on the front,” he says stepping closer. My heart beats heavily against my chest, and my nipples go hard. His phone rings again, and my heart rate slows down, knowing he’ll

need to answer it. He steps back and looks down at me and pinches my nipple. “Get dressed in jeans,” he says while he responds and walks away. His bike is enormous and sexy, it fits him perfectly. The ride to the clubhouse was smooth and fast. My hands wrapped tightly around his waist. When we arrive, I instantly see Dunk and he smiles at me like he knows something I don’t. I take the helmet off and pass it to Zeke, he places them on the bike and grabs my hand and pulls me to an old garage. There are at least twenty men inside, a pool table, bar, and a Harley on display. It’s everything a clubhouse should be. They all scream for him when he enters and so do all the club girls. The skanks are dressed in nothing but lingerie. Some give me evil looks, some are too high to care who the fuck I am. A few men want to know who I am, and why I’m here. Zeke gives them a look that tells them to shut up or else. He kisses my cheek and calls the boys in for church. He leaves me at the bar with a prospect, telling him to keep me company and make sure I receive whatever I want. The kid is young, wearing his cut as a badge of honor. His cut isn’t like the rest, the club logo is on it, but he isn’t a full member. “What can I get ya?” he asks me. I ask for a coffee and when he returns he starts asking me questions.

“You Prez’s Old Lady?” he asks, leaning over the bar an checking me out. “You could say that,” I say. His eyes drop to my breasts and I click my fingers in front of his face, bringing his attention back to my eyes. “What is it that you do?” I ask him. “Whatever Dunk wants, kill or runs, anything really.” He thinks he’s being tough saying these things to me. What an idiot! “You actually killed anyone before, kid?” I ask him, thinking he’s joking, trying to impress. He nods his head. “Yep, straight in the back. Shot him once and he dropped,” he says. “Where’s the body?” I ask him, acting like I don’t believe a word he’s saying while rolling my eyes. “In Sunset Lake,” he says proudly. Again, what an idiot! “Billy, what are you talking about?” Dunk asks from the side of the bar. I didn’t see him there, and neither did Billy. Dunk looks at me, really looks at me. His eyes assessing me. “What is it that you do for work, Bexley?” he asks sitting next to me, I straighten my back up and look at him. “I didn’t tell you, why would I?” I retort, one side of his lips quirks up. He’s deadly, I can tell.

“Because you’re fucking my brother. These are things whores need to tell me.” Oh no, he didn’t…I can feel my face turning different shades of red. He sits there smiling now while watching my reaction. My arm responds on its own and I slap him so hard he nearly falls off the stool not expecting it. He finally rights himself and gets in my face, ready to hit me back. I prepare myself for it and go into a stance to protect my face. Just before he does, I’m whipped backward. “What the fuck are you doing?” Zeke yells from behind me, holding Dunk’s arm just outside of his hitting distance. “You don’t really know who she is, do you, brother?” Dunk asks, his evil eyes trained on me, accusing me. “Of course, I do,” he says pulling me behind him now. He’s only inches away from Dunk and they’re face to face. “She was asking questions, not the type of questions an Old Lady would ask. I don’t trust her,” he says looking over his shoulder at me. Zeke does too, with a wondering look in his eyes before he turns back to Dunk. “I’ll only say this once. If you ever touch a hair on her head, I will end you.” He then grabs my hand and takes me away from the situation.

Everyone's eyes are on us as we leave. Well, mainly me, giving me worse stares now than when I first arrived.

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. ~David Viscott~

Chapter 21

She has secrets, deadly secrets, yet here I am being a fool. I know who she is now, know what she does. The tables have turned and now I’m the fool, a fool that’s in love. Fuck! Why did she creep her way into my black heart? Why did I let her? Knowing now she’ll be the one to destroy me. She will, it will be her. She will fuck me over, and maybe I deserve it for treating her love the way I have. But I am a man, and a man doesn’t go down without a fight, and a fight is what will happen. “What are you thinking, Bexley?” I ask as we enter the house, she stops walking and turns around to look at me. “Do you love me, Bexley Annerley?” I say using her full her name. She smirks at me, a hidden smile I didn’t know she had. “Maybe,” she replies. “Are you crazy, mind-blowing in love with me?” I ask stepping closer.

“Possibly,” she says. “Would you do anything for me, Bexley?” Her lips twitch as she contemplates my question. “Perhaps,” she answers. Smart girl. “What would you say if I told you I loved you, Bexley?” She stops breathing, not expecting those words out of my mouth. Her hands fly to her mouth and she looks at me with eyes wide. “I would…I would say, why…why now?” she answers stuttering. “Somehow you’ve worked your way in,” I tell her, still not admitting those words, but to her it looks like I have. “I have to go,” she says grabbing her bag from the counter and running out the door. I don’t stop her because I know where she’s going. She’s going to talk to Ember. I sit there, contemplating everything when the front door slams shut. “Is she here?” Dunk’s voice booms through to my office. I yell back to him, “No,” and he walks in. He shakes his head in disappointment when he sits down. “I don’t trust her,” he says, the first thing out of his mouth.

“It’s not up to you to trust her,” I tell him. “She was asking questions that she shouldn’t have been. Women don’t ask those types of questions. I don’t trust her,” he says flopping down onto the chair with an extravagant sigh. “I know who she is, Dunk, I wouldn’t be around her otherwise.” “You got feelings for this chick don’t you?” he says raising his eyebrows in question. “Again, none of your fucking business,” I tell him pinning him with a death stare. “She will destroy you,” he says standing. “I don’t doubt she won’t,” I tell him smiling. “Fucking stupid man,” he says shaking his head on his way out. **** She arrives home a few hours after she left, quiet when she sees me. Walking to me, she sits on my lap. I grab her hips and dig my fingers in, knowing I will more than likely bruise her. She slides herself over my cock and looks at me with a smile. “You were engaged to be married before?” I ask her. Her head goes to the side contemplating how to answer. “Yes.”

“Did you love him?” She pulls a face. “No.” “Why then?” “Because he’s one of my best friends. I’ve been friends with him my whole life, and it was expected,” she says leaning into me, laying her head on my shoulder while she’s still straddling me. “You’re mine now, Bexley,” I say to her hugging her tight. “The only way that will change is if we’re dead.” She stops breathing for a second, taking in my words. I kiss the top of her head and pick her up. She clings to me with her legs still wrapped around my waist. We move to the bedroom and I place her on the bed. She lets go of me reluctantly. “You know, Bexley, I had a rule. But for you, I broke that one rule. So if you do anything to fuck that up, I will hurt those you love,” I tell her leaning down, my voice low with meaning. Her eyes go wide, but she nods her head. “I have issues, Bexley, and the way I sort those issues isn’t healthy. I kill people who betray me and I torture those who lie to me. You wouldn’t do either, would you, Bexley?” My nose scrapes along her neck; so I can hear each breath she takes. Her breathing is fast, telling me she’s going to lie. “No,” she says, lying. I grab her roughly by the

hair and pull her head back. Her eyes go alarmingly wide like she’s about to get caught out for something. “Don’t fucking lie,” I seethe. She tries shaking her head, but she can’t because my grip is too damn tight. “You will suck my cock for lying, Bexley, but don’t think it’s a punishment considering you love it.” She nods her head and I point with my free hand for her to undo my pants. She does, on shaky hands my pants drop to the floor, and I climb out of them. Her warm hands touch me, making my already hard cock like rock. She licks the top first, tasting and then licks from top to bottom, making me groan with want.

The more one judges, the less one loves. ~Honore de Balzac~

Chapter 22

He knows! I know he knows, I can see it in his eyes. But I won’t admit it; I won’t until the time is right. I have to play the game, make him believe. It isn’t hard, though, I love him despite everything. I have just come to my senses that maybe, just maybe, love isn’t enough anymore. There’s a line to be drawn and I intend to draw that line and hold onto it. Hold myself back from more heartache. He almost said it, almost said those words I used to crave to hear. Would have done anything to hear. But is it too late now? Can I accept him back fully after he’s hurt me so bad? I don’t know the answers to these questions anymore and I don’t know what to do. I know the right thing to do, but is it right for me? An hour after Zeke has left for the day, there’s a knock on the door. I don’t know who it is or even why they’re here. No one comes here and knocks, they know when Zeke is here and that’s the only

time they’re allowed here at his home. He’s very guarded, only letting certain people into his life. Now I partially understand why. When I open the door, it’s someone I least expected to see. Jagger smiles brightly showcasing his beautiful white teeth. “Hi,” I manage to say to him. He looks me over and winks when he notices I’ve caught him. “Zeke home?” he asks looking behind me. I shake my head, and he reaches in and grabs my hand. I try to pull it back, but he turns around and smiles a sneaky smile. We get to his car, well probably Aria’s car and he opens the door for me. I stand there contemplating and wondering what he’s up to. “Where are you taking me?” I ask, still standing at the door. “Aria told me you were back, and I wanted to have some fun while I’m on holiday. Who’d be more perfect to spend some time with than a beautiful woman such as you,” he says waving for me to get in. I do and he closes the door behind me and walks around to the driver’s side. “Where are we going?” I ask him buckling up, he smiles at me and places his sunnies over his eyes and drives off. “I thought we could act like tourists for the

day,” he says smiling. Our first stop is in Hollywood. He takes me to the wax museum and we walk around making trivial conversation while taking silly photos with the stars. Once we’re finished, he drives for a while with not much conversation while we eat in the car. I like him; he’s easy to be around. Steady and not over the top. He tells me what he’s thinking, not guarded like Zeke. “You look lost,” he says as we pull up at the beach. I manage a smile and shake my head. He comes around and takes hold of my hand walking next to me. I wonder if this is a fine line we’re walking. Even though nothing is overstepping the mark, I wonder if I really should be out with him today. “What are we doing?” I ask as we head to the beach. He stops and points to the two Jet Skis sitting out in the ocean. “I don’t know how to ride one of those,” I say shaking my head. “It’s easy,” he says pulling out a wetsuit and explaining to me what to do. When my feet hit the water, it’s cold and I don’t want to walk in the water. Jagger notices my reaction and walks over to me already wet, lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder. I laugh at him until he places me on the Jet Ski and shows me what to do.

It’s fun, I want one. I wonder if I should move closer to the beach so I could do something like this every day. Feel nothing but the wind in my hair and the spray of the ocean. Jagger laughs when I go to fast and get thrown off, my teeth chattering from the frozen ocean. He gives me a hand up and I manage to catch him off guard and pull him down with me. When his head rises from the water, he shakes it off and smiles. I try to swim away as fast as possible, but he catches me by the leg and pulls me back. I laugh, but he holds me in place treading water. His face is mixed, it’s as if he wants to say something but can’t get the words out. My laughter dies down as I look at him. “Do you love him?” he asks still holding me above water. “Zeke?” I ask, already knowing who he’s talking about. He nods his head and I do too. “I don’t want to love him. Actually it’s probably the last thing that I want to do. I just can’t stop,” I tell him, my emotions mixed. “He isn’t good for you, Bexley.” “My head knows this, just not my heart,” I tell him. He releases me and we climb back on the Jet Skis. He doesn’t say much, little to nothing as we finish up and drive back to Zeke’s home. When we come to a stop at the front, I turn to see a pained expression on his face, he tries to hide it when he

looks at me. “I want to tell you to go in there and get your things, so I can take you away. Show you something better.” He stops and takes a deep breath. “But I know you won’t when you look at him. I know it’s only him. Just remember, if you can’t do this anymore, call me,” he says and leans over and places a soft kiss on my mouth. I don’t stop him, he’s a beautiful man, no a stunning man. I know he means the words he’s spoken. I break away and get out of his car, waving to him as he drives off. When I turn to go into the house, Zeke is standing there watching me. I don’t walk toward him at first, staying where I am. Watching him, he’s angry, his face is hard. He opens the door and gestures me to come in. My steps are slow and deliberate, not knowing what’s to come or what he even saw. When I reach him, he doesn’t move, he’s standing in front of me. Hard body and a harder stare. “Have a nice day?” he asks angrily. “I had a great day,” I whisper, looking into his eyes. “I gathered that,” he says nodding his head in the direction where Jagger’s just left. I go to walk past him and he stops me with his hand on my arm. “You want to fuck him, Bexley?” he asks

leaning down so he’s in my face when he asks. “No,” I say getting angry. He notices and his head tips to the side assessing me. “Why were his lips on you?” he sneers. I want to slap him, I did nothing wrong. I didn’t ask for his lips on me. “Fuck you,” I say pulling my arm free and walking inside the house. He follows me. I can hear his heavy footsteps coming closer. I make it to the bedroom and close and lock the door just before he gets there. He tries to unlock with no luck and starts cursing. “Bexley, open the fucking door. This conversation is not finished,” he says punching the door. I jump from the shock and cover my erratically beating heart with my hands. I manage to calm down, knowing he’d never hurt me and try to even out my breathing. “Bexley, grow the fuck up and open this door. We’re having a conversation…now! Stop acting like a fucking child and open the fucking door,” he screams the last part. I ignore him, which maybe proves that I am being childish as he suggested. He stops yelling and I go for a shower, it’s late and I want to go to sleep. When I finish I wonder if I’m actually being childish. But then, I remember I don’t give a fuck if I am and roll over and go to sleep.

I wake sometime later to Zeke crawling into bed with me. I don’t fully wake. He doesn’t say anything when he climbs in bed and wraps me in his arms as he pulls me closer to him. I lay there while pretending I’m still asleep when he kisses my head and holds me tight for a few seconds longer. Then sleep claims me again.

Stolen kisses are always sweetest. ~Leigh Hunt~

Chapter 23

I’m glad I couldn’t see her last night and I’m glad she locked the door on me and didn’t open it. After I had stood there for another five minutes with no answer, I left. I went straight to Aria’s house to pay her brother a visit. He wasn’t shocked when he saw me; he merely opened the door to let me in. I didn’t have the right words for him straight away, I simply walked up and punched him straight in the face and broke his nose. I heard it crack under my hand. He started laughing and I wanted to hit him again. “You want a broken knee cap to go with that nose?” I ask him, stepping closer. He lifted his hand to stop me then replaced it back to his nose to stop the bleeding. “I needed to see if you loved her, I guess I got my answer,” Jagger says with his hand partially covering his mouth. “You kissed my fucking girl to see if I loved

her? I should break your fucking knee cap for being so stupid,” I seethe and take a step closer as he steps back. “Do you know what today is?” he asks mumbling the words so I can barely understand him. “What has the day got to do with anything?” I yell at him. “It’s her birthday, man, and I knew you wouldn’t do anything. So I took her out,” he says shaking his head. I step back from him. Not really looking at him, but staring blankly. I know when her birthday is. I know all her history, I carried out a full check on her. I grab my phone and look at the date. June the first. Fuck! It is her birthday and I was a fucking asshole. I don’t say anything when I leave, just leave him on the porch of the house with a bloody nose which is most likely broken. When I get home, I wonder if she’s pissed at me for not doing anything, or even remembering. It’s not something I do. Fuck, I don’t even remember my own fucking birthday, let alone some else’s. But I want to do something, need to do something, to make up for it. I Google what to get your girlfriend for her birthday, ‘cause I sure as shit have no fucking idea. The top hit seems to be flowers. So on my way home, I stop at a flower shop and buy as many as I can that will fit in my

car. Then I purchase chocolates, and order jewelry, all online and guaranteeing they will be delivered tomorrow. I pick the lock on the door when I arrive home and see Bexley sleeping. She has a pillow on either side of her and her legs wrapped around one. She’s wearing my shirt and nothing else. I shower and climb in behind her, and when I lay next to her, I bring her to me and kiss her head. Hoping and praying to the Gods above that we don’t shatter each other. But I have a feeling it’s inevitable.

There is no remedy for love but to love more. ~Henry David Thoreau~

Chapter 24

He’s asleep when I wake up and still has me secured by his side. I often wonder how one person can stay in the same spot all night. I know, I don’t. I woke to his face this morning, meaning I turned around instead of having my back to him. I lift his arm gently and manage to get out of bed without waking him. I go to the bathroom, then move to the kitchen to make some breakfast. When I step into the living room, a scream rips from my mouth as balloons attack my face. I calm myself down enough to actually look around. The floor is covered in flowers, the coffee table is covered in chocolates, all sorts of chocolates, even strawberries covered in chocolate. I hear running and turn to see Zeke standing in the doorway naked with a gun raised in preparation. “Ummm,” is all I manage to say? He turns to me and sees the questionable look on my face. He looks around one more time before he lowers his

gun and I take my time assessing his body. It never gets old, the look of him. Even the scars that maim his body make him that much more attractive. He notices me staring and smirks. “You like?” he asks gesturing to the room. I have to remove my eyes from his now growing cock to understand he means the room instead of him. I nod my head and my eyes wander around at all the different kinds of flowers that are everywhere. And I mean everywhere; on the floor, the couch, the television. Pink, yellow, white, red; all the colors you could think of. And then there are balloons that are pinned to the roof, not to mention the chocolate. I turn back to him and he’s watching me, waiting for my reaction. “You did all this?” I ask. He nods his head and I have to ask, “Why?” “For your birthday,” he simply says. “Today isn’t my birthday,” I say stating the obvious. “I know this, it was yesterday.” “And you only just remembered?” “Well, I may have had help,” he says, looking down at his hand. When I look, his knuckles are red. “Who did you hit?” I ask, wanting to know. “Apart from the wall,” he says to which I nod.

“Jagger,” he states shrugging like it’s nothing. “Why…why would you do that?” “His lips were on you and they’re mine, not his.” “Have you gone full blown caveman?” I ask raising my eyebrows. His lip twitches and I can tell he wants to smile or laugh. “I’ll always be a caveman on your ass, Pixie,” he says stepping closer. “Pixie?” I ask him. “Yes, my little blonde pixie. Who is mine! And the next man that touches you will get a bullet instead of my fist.” I go step toward him when the front door is slammed open and a very pissed off Aria walks in straight to Zeke and clobbers him in the nose. Zeke takes a step back from the force of her punch and stands there. “Aria, do you know what happened to the last person who touched me like that?” Zeke asks in anger. Aria shrugs her shoulders like she doesn’t give a fuck. “I get home this morning to find my brother in a pool of blood with his nose broken. And when I asked who did this, he smiled and responded that it was you. So, of course, I had to return the favor,” she says calmly rubbing her hand. I stand there shocked watching the whole thing play out, mainly

because he’s naked, and it seems Aria’s just noticed as well ‘cause she looks down and smiles wider. “If your brother learned to keep his lips off my girl, he wouldn’t be harmed,” he tells her, to which she looks to me then back at his cock. I can’t help the laugh that forms from her boldness. “Aria, if you’ve finished staring, I would love for you to get the fuck out of my house.” Her head cocks up and she laughs at him. She turns to me still laughing. “Any good?” she asks pointing to his cock. Zeke grabs her arm and takes her to the front door, pushing her through then slamming it in her face. He mutters something on his walk back to me shaking his head. “I swear, that girl has more than a few screws lose.” I can’t help the laugh that bursts from me this time. He doesn’t even care that she saw him naked. Fuck! He hasn’t even cared enough to get dressed. “I like you in my clothes, it makes me all caveman and shit,” he says stepping closer, then closer, until he reaches me. “Well, I’m pretty sure a caveman wouldn’t be buying me roses,” I say gesturing to the beautiful display that is the living room. He nods his head and smiles. “True.” He reaches for the table and hands me something in a box, I open it to find a small diamond ring, it’s laced with diamonds all around

the band. I know it’s not an engagement ring. I breathe out a sigh and then slide it on my hand. “I love it,” I tell him. He looks happy, his face has lost the stone cold look he usually carries. “How did you come up with all this at such late notice?” I ask, looking at him then back to the flower display. “Google,” he tells me. “You Googled what to buy a girlfriend, didn’t you?” I hold my lips tight knowing I’m seconds away from bursting into laughter. His facial expressions confirm it. “How the fuck else was I meant to know?” he asks rubbing his jaw, which has grown a slight stubble. “You know, most only get a bunch of flowers and chocolates, not the whole store,” I tell him. He looks surprised at first. “Why would they buy just one? What’s the point in that shit?” he looks clearly confused. “Do you honestly believe you needed to buy the whole store?” I say to him reaching down and picking up the stunning yellow tulips. “Yes,” he says like I should know this. “It’s very thoughtful and beautiful,” I tell him, his smile grows wide.

“Does that mean I get extra brownie points for buying the entire store? Like…maybe, sex in bed all day?” he asks picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder while walking me back to the bedroom. “Well, there you go, I thought you’d lost your caveman instincts for a second, but lo and behold, here we are again.” I laugh and reach for his ass. It’s gorgeous, and watching it move as he walks I want to grab it. “Stop looking at my ass, Pixie,” he says just as we reach the room. “I wasn’t,” I lie. “Liar,” he says throwing me on the bed. He then is undressing me and taking me nine ways to Sunday. How could I not love this man?

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. ~Emily Bronte~

Chapter 25

We stayed in bed all weekend with no distractions, both of our phones were turned off and if someone knocked on the door, we didn’t answer. We ordered take out, I cooked for her, and I pleased her both orally and sexually. So when Monday came around and we both had to resume our normal lives, I was disappointed, surprisingly so. I enjoyed it, I enjoyed spoiling her. Making her feel the way she has always made me feel which is above cloud nine. That’s the effect she has on people, always putting others before herself, and it felt awesome. I’m sitting in a meeting with Quinton and it’s playing on my nerves because I want to get back home. I want to lay her back down and never leave the bed without her. I don’t know how to control these thoughts and feelings that are consuming me. I don’t know why I have them. I didn’t want to love her. I didn’t want to love, period. But I do, I

love her something fierce, and it took me losing her to see that. I manage to escape later that afternoon, and I’m anxious to get back home, though when I do arrive home I don’t see her anywhere. I check everywhere in the house. When there’s no sign, I walk to the front of the house where my office is and see her sitting at my desk reading things she should not be reading. I cough to alert her to my presence and she jumps and puts on a fake smile. I stay where I am in the doorway wondering what it is she’s found that has her so focused. Her face flushes and she looks down at the papers and stacks them back where they were. I look down on the desk from the door and see that it’s my gun shipment. Something, she definitely should not be reading. “What are you doing, Bexley?” I ask. She raises herself from the desk and walks toward me. “I was looking for Aria’s number, I don’t have it,” she says trying to look innocent, but I know when someone lies straight to my face. You can see it in their body language. “You could have called me,” I tell her, not moving out of the doorway to let her pass. I want to be mad, I want to hold her down and torture the words from her mouth. But I know, I know she won’t say anything. She will lie through her two

front teeth. I step aside and let her pass, she doesn’t look at me when she does and she walks faster to be out of my way. If I didn’t suspect anything before, I do now that’s for sure. I manage to calm myself down enough to see her, after an hour sitting in my office looking at everything she could have seen today. These papers would normally not be here, they would be stacked securely in my safe if it weren't for the weekend we’d had. I cringe knowing what she’s seen. She’s on the sofa when I find her, her legs tucked up under her ass and she’s transfixed on a reality television show. She looks to me and smiles then looks straight back to the television. “Would you hide things from me, Pixie?” I ask her sitting down next to her. She turns the television down and faces me. “Like the way you hide things from me, Zeke?” she asks firing my own question back at me. I want to shake my head and do bad things to her, but I could never bring myself to hurt her, even if she is perhaps my enemy. “I do it to protect you. Things you shouldn’t know about, things that would get you killed.” She takes a moment before she answers, her blue eyes looking into mine. “I’d do the same,” she

says turning back to the television, returning the volume to its normal level. I grab her and pull her to me. She comes willingly and lays down in my lap. I stroke her short blonde hair wondering when the day will come that everything is destroyed. We both fell asleep, but when I wake that next day, she’s gone, and so are all her things.

One Week I have searched for her, but she’s completely disappeared.

One Month I’m losing business. My head isn’t in the game anymore. I just want her, and then the next minute I wish to hurt her.

Two Months Nothing! But I have a feeling everything is about to explode.

Only do what your heart tells you. ~Princess Diana~

Chapter 26

I have been going out of my mind, I can’t find her anywhere. She has just disappeared. And I can find anyone at any time, I have the resources to do so. It’s part of who I am. I wonder if she really loved me like she said she did? If those eyes that sparkle just for me, also sparkle for someone else. I want her back. I crave her. “Speak,” I answer not even looking to see who’s called, my judgment and many other things have been lacking. “What a lovely way to respond a call,” a woman’s voice chimes from the other end and it takes me a moment to pinpoint that voice. “Bexley,” I say, not fully believing it’s her voice. Is my mind playing tricks on me? She laughs but it’s a forced laugh, not her usual self.

“Bang bang! You hit the nail on the head.” Her voice is different, sharper like I’m not a person she knows. “Where have you been? Where did you go?” I ask pacing the floor of my office. “Slow down there, stud,” she says. I remove the phone to look at it, to see if it’s her, but obviously I can’t tell. “I’m coming to visit you one last time, Zeke, be ready,” she says and hangs up in my ear. I remove the phone and let it drop from my hands. I’m shocked but furious. I hear the sound of car doors opening and closing. I sit in my seat with my hands on my lap, waiting. I hear the front door open, and then the sound of her footsteps echoing as she walks into the house, and I know it’s her. She said she was coming to see me one last time. I’m excited, I’ve missed those eyes that train on me with love and affection in them. I have missed how that body was bound to me. But when she rounds the corner, it’s nothing like what I expected. The woman who loved me like I didn’t think I deserved isn’t there. Instead, it’s someone else in her place, but it’s still her. I can see the glint in her eyes. The way she will always appreciate me for me, but she’s here for business now, the business I wish I had worked out a long time ago. Stupid emotions! This was why I choose

not to feel, not to love. ‘Cause you will end up getting destroyed by the person if you do. “Zeke,” she purrs as she stands in the front of my office in long black pants, a belt wrapped around her waist with a gun on either side of her hip, and her jacket reads FBI. And she displays it proudly. “Bexley, if that’s even your real name,” I mutter, not hiding my anger and emotions. “Yes it is,” she says smiling walking in closer. “Was it all work, Bexley? Or did you love me?” I ask, wanting to know before she has to do what she’s here for. “It was all work, Zeke. The whole thing after you broke my heart was illustrated. You were my willing victim. You played right into my hands,” she says holding them out showcasing a ring I once bought her. “But to answer your question, yes, I did love you, and I would have saved you, but you pissed me off,” she says smiling. “It’s my nature, Bexley,” I reply, my tone cold. “To piss people off? I believe it is, but this is my job, and you won’t be my last.” She smiles and says something into a walkie-talkie on her shoulder. “You know they won’t hold me, right? I’ll come for you, Bexley,” I say just as an older guy enters

and kisses her cheek. He’s in charge that much is obvious. “Zeke, I think it’s time for you to meet my father,” she smiles at the older man who points to me while he tells the other agent to handcuff me. “I’ll find you, Bexley,” I say. She smiles as I’m pushed forward with my hands pulled behind my back. “I hope so,” she whispers for only me to hear. She handcuffs me and her body is touching mine, I know she’s doing it deliberately. When she escorts us out, Cora is sitting at the desk looking shocked. Her eyes fly to Bexley then to me. She sneers at Bexley. “I’ll arrest your ass too, whore, if you’re not careful,” Bexley says to her to which her eyes bulge. “Cora, call my lawyer, get them to meet me straight away.” She nods and starts calling Jagger immediately. Bexley hears his name when he answers and she laughs so evilly I wonder if I actually knew this woman in front of me at all. “This should be interesting,” she says pushing me out the front toward an unmarked police car. She escorts me in the back while sitting in the front seat next to another officer. She ignores me for most of the drive talking softly, and casually laughing with the man sitting next to her. And none

of it makes me happy. To be honest, it makes me that bit more pissed. We arrive at the police station and she takes me into a private room. She doesn’t say a word when she leaves, just leaves me sitting there. I guess they’re watching from the other side of the glass in the room. The door opens and she walks in by herself. I didn’t think she would be the one asking questions. So when she drops a file on the table and stands behind the chair watching me, I’m slightly surprised, but not amused. “We have a lot of evidence against you, Zeke Takon,” she says using my full name. I don’t speak to her, she can do the talking. I’m not fucking stupid. “Drug dealing, murder, gun runs. You name it, we have it on you,” she says walking around to stand near me. She sits on the desk just inches away from my face, and I can smell her cotton candy scent. My dick twitches and I curse myself. “You have anything to say,” she half-whispers leaning forward. I look up at her. Her eyes are challenging, trying to unsettle me. But I don’t give her anything, she doesn’t deserve it. A knock comes on the glass. She sighs, and smiles softly but sweetly at me before she stands and walks off without a backward glance. Not even five minutes

later the door swings open again, but this time it’s Jagger. He walks in shaking his head. “I was waiting for this day,” he says smiling, but I know he’s joking. “All right, tell me, what do they have? Have you spoken to them?” He picks up a pen and looks at me waiting for me to say something, he obviously doesn’t know. He will learn in a second as the door opens and Bexley walks in. His eyes go alarmingly wide and his head swings back to me, then to her. “Oh fuck,” he swears, realizing he’s going to have to work his ass off. “My words exactly,” I mutter to him. “Jagger, always a pleasure,” Bexley purrs. He doesn’t say anything at first, just watches her like she’s a caged animal, he can’t take his eyes off of her. “What do you have?” he asks, his voice turning hostel. A smile forms on my face. He is good, and this is why I’ve kept him around and haven’t killed him. He switches and his emotions go off, just like his sister. “As you can imagine, Jagger, I have a lot.” She smiles again with that sweetly sick smile. A part of me wants to reach over the table and strangle her, or even pull her gun from the holster and kill her. They talk for a while, and I don’t listen. I don’t

really care. I’m trying to plan how I will get her back. How I will make her pay. She leaves not even smiling at me this time. I’m transfixed as I watch her leave, her black pants tight around her ass. “I’m going to get you out on bail. But I have to ask, did you know?” he asks pointing to where she just left. I nod my head and he sighs so loudly. “Did you want to make my job harder? Did you want to get fucked over?” he asks me very seriously. “I have people in high places, Jagger, I don’t expect this to last long. Sweep it under the rug, I have plans that need to be carried out.” “Don’t retaliate, Zeke, you’ll make it worse, even if I pull those strings. You’ll have people on your back, watching you.” “It won’t happen again,” I mutter and he cocks his eyebrow. “Why do I not believe that? I see the way you still look at her, even if she’s your arch enemy now,” he says shaking his head.

We cease loving ourselves if no one loves us. ~Madame de Stael~

Chapter 27

He got off, I knew he would. I thought I had enough on him to charge and convict. My father was disappointed to say the least. It was his idea for me to do this. Tragger told him about Zeke the day in the shopping center, he had recognized him and told my father. I was done for after my father scrutinized me for fraternizing with someone like Zeke. My father then forced me into undercover to make up for my mistakes. I didn’t want to, I wanted it to end on that last breakup. I should have known better. I agreed, and it was hard…beyond hard. I gathered the evidence my father needed, I snooped through things, investigated members. But still none of it could hold him. We had nothing substantial. He’s a smart man and knows men in high positions. It took them a day to drop charges, to get him set free. I’ve never seen it happen so fast. The day he walked out, I was right there watching him. He had a devious smile coating his

face when he walked to me. My blood was rushing so fast in my veins, I could hear my heart beating rapidly in my chest. My palms were sweating. “It’s not over, Bexley,” he whispers so low when he walks past me. Shivers coat my body. Was that a threat? I don’t know. My father is waiting for me when I arrive back at the office, his face stoic. He nods his head to me indicating for me to follow him. I follow reluctantly, half knowing what’s going to be said. He takes a seat at his desk while looking at me shaking his head silently. He starts pulling out paperwork, reading it over, not saying a word to me but building up to it like I know he is. His hair is cut short, always has been, and he’s in a suit which is usual work attire. “Is this something you want to do, Bexley?” he asks me locking his blue eyes on me. “It’s what I know,” I reply still standing in the office doorway. “Yes, I know, and believe it or not you’re good at it, you are one of my best shooters. You’re usually all business…” he stops when he says that, and takes a deep breath. “But you’ve changed, I saw the way you were with this man, the way you looked at him. You didn’t want to do what was asked or what was required of you for your job.”

“I did it though,” I barely whisper. “Yes, you did, and we would have him if it weren't for the people he knows and paid off. All charges have been dropped, he knows people in high places that’s for sure.” He stands from his desk and walks toward me, stopping when he’s towering over me. “Go, take as much time off as you need. I don’t want you back until you know you’re back in the game and can give this job your all.” “I do give it my all, Papa.” “You used to, and that was mostly my fault. I forced this life on you. Take a few months and make sure it’s what you want. Don’t come back until you’re sure.” His hand comes and rests on my shoulder, and he leans down to kiss my forehead, and then with a wave he dismisses me. I don’t even try to argue, he’s right. I’m good at this job, always have been, but it was pushed on me. I was the son he never had. I wanted to make him proud but lost myself somewhere along the way. **** Ember rings me when I enter my apartment; her voice is soft, and not her usual bubbly self. I try to focus on everything she’s saying to me, but it’s hard, my mind is running a million times an hour. Zeke takes up most of it, then followed closely by

my father. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who I am anymore. I didn’t think I was a person that would love someone who I wasn’t meant to love. Someone that wasn’t meant to love me either. His walls came down, and then I brought him down with them. I find a package on my doorstep, it’s wrapped, but I don’t know how it got here. I look around, gun in hand and ignore everything Ember is saying on the phone. No one is here. Grabbing the closest knife, I open the package, and discover it’s a vest. The one the prospect was wearing. It’s also covered in blood. I drop it automatically and the blood soaks my counter. Is this retaliation? “Are you even listening to me?” Ember screeches into the phone. I rid the thoughts that are running rampant in my head and try to concentrate on her. “Yes, I’m here,” I tell her walking into my quiet bedroom, looking around and finding it so plain and boring all of a sudden. There are no pictures anywhere, nothing to say that I live here. My nerves are high, I’m worried about why that was sent to me, but I ignore it, they’re trying to scare me. I know how they work. “Well, will you?” she asks. I take a moment to think of answer not knowing the question. I must pause long enough ‘cause she repeats it to me

again. “Will you be my maid of honor?” she screams into the phone. I pull the phone away and look at it to make sure it’s her actually calling. “What? Who?” I ramble sitting on my bed. “Lance, you met him briefly at one of the parties. I didn’t want to date him because he’s an actor, and well, you know. A man that can win a Grammy award for his acting could lie and cheat on me so easily as taking his next breath, and honestly, how could I trust someone with such a skill? Anyway, he tried to tell me he would never lie to me, then he swooned me, then he fucked me. And well, he should have just started with the fucking, cause fuck, I would’ve married him for his cock all alone,” she rambles again into the phone and this time I actually burst out laughing. “So your marriage is based on great sex? And how long have you been with him?” I question her. “Well, it’s also based on his mouth. Who knew a man could make me orgasm so many times with the tip of his tongue. And to answer your question, it’s been going on for a year, just haven’t told anyone.” She expels a heavy breath into the phone and I have to shake my head, even knowing she can’t see me. “So is there any love in this relationship?”

“Oh, for him maybe, I’m working on it. Well, his body is working on it,” she cackles into the phone. “Well, I see this lasting forever then,” I tell her sarcastically. “Anyway, wedding is in five days. I need you here today, I need to fit your dress and I need you to keep me calm. I’m freaking.” “I’ll find the next available flight and come straight away, and why are you getting married so fast?” I ask her pulling out my suitcase to begin packing. “Not my brilliant idea, it was his. God, this man doesn’t do anything slow.” “Okay, I’m packing now. I’ll get there as soon as I can.” “I already booked you a ticket, I knew you wouldn’t say no to me. No isn’t a good word for you. You leave at seven tonight. See you then, bye,” she says not giving me a chance to say anything before she hangs up on me. I feel nervous, nervous leaving everything behind. Nervous being back in the same town as Zeke. Well, possibly, just being near Zeke. I didn’t plan to leave to see him. Actually, I would prefer not to see him again. We’ve had our time together, and now it should be time apart. Especially now he knows who I am and what I’ve done, I would hate

to see him again, but a big part of me also craves it.

We love because it’s the only true adventure. ~Nikki Giovanni~

Chapter 28

They want her dead. I know they’re up to something. Dunk is mostly, I see it in his eyes. He’s having hushed conversations on the phone, and a prospect’s jacket is missing. I may not be here every day, but I know the in’s and the outs of this place. “Did she get the package?” Dunk asks into the phone then he mentions her name. I walk to him. He’s at the bar with his back to me, not realizing I am standing there. I snatch the phone from him and throw it to the ground. He looks shocked at first, then angry. “You do not retaliate.” I try to keep myself calm, but it’s hard. I want to rip his head off. I want vengeance. My mind is so fucked up right now. She’s the only woman I have been this close to, who I’ve let in. But at the same time, I want to strangle her, watch as her eyes pop and the life flows from her. Then I feel sick after those

thoughts, like harming her would cause me physical harm. I don’t understand my feelings at all. “She messed with you, she messes with us,” he says and the men cheer in response. I look around the room, angry and proud. They would jump off a cliff if I asked them to. “You will not, under any circumstances…” I look around the room pointing, “are any of you to get involved.” Most nod their heads, except for Dunk, who stares shaking his head. He is not the president, I am. He’d do well to remember that fact. I call church and we have a club meeting where rules are established. Then I get a phone call. I’m going to a wedding and at this wedding I’m going to fuck with her head.

Love, its soul crushing, painfully beautiful. ~T.L Smith~

Chapter 29

Her dress is ivory, her hair is curled and sitting on the top of her head like a crown, she makes a beautiful bride. A stunning one to be precise. I’m wearing a baby pink knee high strapless dress, my hair is slightly wavy and my face is covered in makeup. Ember looks over to me and smiles, handing me a glass of champagne. Lance comes over and wraps his hands around the mid-section of his now wife. They look good together, his eyes shine brightly when he watches her like she’s everything he wants, everything he needs. The wedding was beautiful, over the top, but still beautiful. Lance has money, a lot of it, and he spared no expense on this occasion. There are famous people everywhere, even the band they have singing right now is famous. I would usually be intimidated by being around such people, but I don’t even care who they are. “I’ve come to steal my wife,” Lance says with

his hands still wrapped around her waist. “Bex, there is something I need to tell you,” Ember whispers to me. “I didn’t have a choice, he’s friends with Lance,” she says and then is being pulled away by Lance. She smiles up at me and I take her glass from her and watch as they head to the dance floor. People follow and separate making room for the bride and groom as they do their bridal waltz. I’m smiling brightly as he dips her down, and she laughs when I feel eyes on me, boring into me. I try not to look, it could be anyone, but I have a feeling that I need to look. And when I gaze across the dance floor, I see Zeke, with a smirk on his beautiful lips, watching me. I try to smile, to be polite, I do, I really do. But when a beautiful woman walks up and kisses him on the cheek then plants herself on to him, I know my smile turns sour, and I know he sees it. As soon as the last dance is announced and people join the couple on the dance floor, I leave the area and head straight to the bar. Away from him, far away, as far as I can get. He doesn’t see me, his vision is blocked by a rather large-breasted slutty-looking woman, who’s trying to pull him onto the dance floor. I would have laughed, if it wasn’t for our situation, if we were just an average couple who’d broken up and gone our separate ways, but we aren’t.

I order a glass of champagne, and when I finish that I order another one, but a man stops me and instead orders one for me. I want to tell him no thank you. When he turns to me and smiles, this man could give Zeke a run for his money, of that I’m sure. Except his hair is light, almost sandy blond, his eyes are brown, chocolate brown, and his smile is large, contagious. “So beautiful,” he says looking me in the eyes. I give him credit where credit is due; his eyes aren’t roaming my body when he says that, instead they’re glued to my face. “Tell me, what’s someone so beautiful such as yourself, doing here alone?” he asks offering me my glass of champagne he just ordered for me. “Who says I’m alone?” I fire back adding a smile. He smirks, and I know he must use that look to get the girls, because if my mind weren’t entirely consumed by a particular person right now, I would swoon, and swoon hard. I sip my drink, keeping my eyes on him. “I’ve watched you all evening. You, my beauty, have had no man by your side all night.” “So you like to watch women?” I joke with him. “Only ones as beautiful as you are.” “Do your words usually work on a beautiful woman?” I ask him.

“I don’t know, you’ll have to tell me.” “I think you have some potential.” His face changes very fast. Gone is the easy going flirting man. I think for a moment if it was something I said, until his voice carries over me from behind. “Mika.” “Zeke,” the man who I now know is Mika says to Zeke and he’s now standing directly behind me. I don’t turn; I keep my face and body turned toward the man in front of me. When his eyes drop to mine, the hardness softens for a second before they lift back up to Zeke. “Bexley,” he says. I close my eyes and breathe through my nose trying to wish him away. I can smell him, his scent fills the space and captures me. “So Mika, was it?” I ask when I finally open my eyes and look at him. I offer my hand and he takes it gladly and kisses the top of it. I smile at the small gesture and take my hand back. “And you must be, Bexley,” he says, ignoring our looming figure still at the back of me. “Would you like to dance?” he asks. I nod my head and place my glass on the bench, he takes my hand again leading me to the dance floor. He places his hands on my hips and brings me close to his body, not touching, but so close that if I

took another tiny step forward, we would be. My hands circle around his neck and I smile softly at him. “Friend of yours?” he asks referring to Zeke. I go to shake my head but decide otherwise. “Acquaintance,” I say and leave it at that. He dances with me for half a song without saying another word when Zeke walks over and taps him on the shoulder, wanting to cut in. I want to tell him not to leave me alone with Zeke. I’m afraid of what will happen, of what I might feel, but I don’t get a chance as he stands in front of me. Wrapping his hands around my waist, he brings me flush with his body, not bothering to leave a gap between us. My hands dangle as I’m not sure where to put them, when I decide to place them loosely around his neck. He doesn’t speak at first, just dances from side to side rubbing me in places with his body with such a closeness that he may not be meaning to, but I can feel every inch of him. I try to tell my body that this is a man that we don’t need or want anymore, but it doesn’t care, it knows what this man can do for my body and it fucking wants him regardless. “Missed me, Pixie?” he asks into my ear. A shiver breaks out over my body and I know I’m instantly covered in goose bumps. “No,” I tell him.

“Well, I can tell your body has,” he says letting his hands slide lower so they go over my ass. I try to pull away, but he has a hold on me and pulls me back so we’re flush once again. “I’ve thought of nothing but you, the way you grab my ass, the way your mouth wraps around my cock, the way your pussy loves my dick. Just like you love me. But I’ve also thought of bad things, Bexley, things I would do to you, ways I could make you pay. Ways I could make you scream,” he says that last part so harshly that I try to pull away once again needing some distance from him, but he doesn’t allow it. “You need a new hobby,” I tell him, bringing my face up so I can see him clearly. His cheekbones are strong, his lips are full. His eyelashes are long over his gorgeous gray eyes. “Maybe I have found one,” he says anger in his voice. “She looked great,” I say rolling my eyes at him. “What? You don’t approve of my date, Bexley? You don’t think she can fuck as good as you?” he says raising an eyebrow in question. “I don’t care who you fuck, Zeke. Fuck the entire guest list here tonight if you like. I don’t care.” “You do, though, I know you, Bexley. And you

fucking care, no matter how hard you try to put on your I don’t care attitude. I’ve actually wondered how you were a cop when your face shows all your emotions,” he says smiling darkly now. “Well, I fooled you once before, didn’t I? Had you right where I needed you,” I say smiling devilishly back to him. His smile drops, his lips turn straight. “Don’t think of me as a fool, Bexley, I’m no fool.” “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice…” Before I can finish my sarcastic sentence, he shuts me up with his lips on mine. I don’t kiss him back. I’m no fool, but he doesn’t stop, his lips press harder, and his body becomes harder when he pulls me so there’s no air between us. I manage to yank my mouth free and see him looking at me, with an odd look on his face. “If you fuck Mika, I’ll kill him,” he says before releasing me and stepping back. He walks off before I can say another word, leaving me standing there watching him as he walks back to his date, who eagerly awaits him like a little puppy. I wonder if I looked that bad when I used to wait for him, when I needed him. Were my eyes dull until he walked back in, did they light up when I saw him? Did my body go from disappointed to excited? I think I know the answer to that, I just don’t want to

admit it. Because no matter how hard I try to tell myself that he was bad for me, that he could not give me what I needed or deserved, he was what I wanted. What my heart craved, what made my body tingle with such delight when a single hand would touch me. What his lips felt like when they finally made contact, and how my body sang for more. But none of it was the same for him, not at first, I don’t think. And that’s when it counted, that’s when I needed that ray of hope. That hope came too late, and even then, I don’t know even to this day if it was real. I watch as he sits at the table, his eyes trained on me, but his hand crawling up his date’s dress as he watches me watch. The girl tries to act normal, but her eyes and expression give her away. His hand starts moving, and I know what he’s doing, and when I look back up to his eyes on me, I pull a look of disgust before turning around and heading for my table. I walk past Mika on the way and smile politely, which he returns before I take my seat with the bride and groom. They start with the parents doing speeches, then the groomsman follows, the whole time I don’t hear a word that’s being said until Ember kicks me from under the table. “What’s wrong”? she asks leaning over to whisper in my ear. I shake my head not wanting to

put a damper on her day when she gives that look that says ‘tell me or I’ll hurt you.’ “Just Zeke.” “Sorry, I forgot to warn you that Lance invited him, but I thought you may not care since you broke up with him and all,” she says shrugging her shoulders. “It’s fine, really,” I tell her forcing a smile. She smiles back and raises her glass of champagne to me indicating I should do the same. “May you find someone that loves that heart of yours as much as you love theirs, ‘cause baby, that will be a shit load,” she says, then leans over to kiss my cheek before we take a drink. I smile at her and try my hardest not to look at Zeke for the rest of the evening.

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. ~Alexander Smith~

Chapter 30

I want to hurt her, I want to fuck her, I want to do so many things that are running rampant in my head right now, but I can’t. Now is not the time or the place, the blonde next to me tries grabbing my hand, but I shake her lose. She’s bad, and I didn’t think when I needed a date she’d be this horrific. She hasn’t let go of me the entire night, hasn’t stopped touching me, whispering things to me, dirty things. And with everything she’s said and done, I want nothing more than to get away from her. She’s annoying the living shit out of me. This is why I don’t date, this is why I have a rule, and this is why I fuck them then leave them. None of them are like her, like Bexley. The Bexley I want to hurt then love. The Bexley who’s sitting down drinking and laughing with the men that surround her. I shouldn’t be looking, shouldn’t engage though it’s too late. Even though I wish I fucking hadn’t, I don’t regret feeling her body that close to mine, or the smell of her, or the taste of her.

I want to destroy her for making me this weak man that pines for a woman who I don’t need nor want, but something I must have. I wonder if I broke her? If I’ve made her less of a woman than she is, would I still want her? Would I be able to finally get her out of my system? To stop fucking my life up? She laughs loudly from the table she’s sitting at, and I can see four empty glasses in front of her. She’s had quite a bit to drink, more than her usual. “Why must you stare at her the whole night?” the woman who’s my date for the evening whines in my ear. I look at her and see her bottom lip pucker out. Trying to look cute, but it doesn’t. Just makes her look needy. “Why don’t you go and get another drink,” I tell her waving her off. She doesn’t listen, I didn’t expect her to either, just hoped that she would. “You can call me her name if you fuck me right now. There’s a bathroom not far from here,” she purrs in my ear. “How about you find some man that wants that, go and fuck someone other than me,” I dismiss her, not looking back. I walk straight to where I want to be, against my better judgment. She doesn’t look up when I reach her, she’s talking to Ember, but Ember sees me and smiles and walks away leaving her by herself.

“Come to annoy me some more,” she says then turns to me. “What happened to my good girl, the girl who would do anything I said?” I goad her. She rolls her eyes and I want to laugh. “You destroyed her. That thing you called a heart, you broke it,” she says, her face showing no emotion. “You did that yourself, Bexley. I was willing to fall…to fall hard for you. But you fucked that up, and it backfired, didn’t it? You tried, but didn’t succeed on both counts, in arresting me and making me love you.” “Oh, you love me, Zeke, don’t deny yourself that. I know you do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be following me around like a lost puppy,” she says standing and slapping my shoulder in pity before moving off. I sit there for a second and watch her walk out of the reception area before I get up and follow. Maybe she’s right, but I will get what I want. I see her straight away; she’s standing at the bathroom door waiting. I walk up to her, grab her roughly by her arm and drag her into the closet then shut the door. It's dark, pitch black actually. She tries to find the door, but I’m blocking it with my body. I feel her hands on me as she starts hitting me.

“Let me the fuck out, Zeke, before I do damage,” she warns. I cover my junk with one hand and touch her with the other. I grab her shoulder because I can’t see and she’s hitting me harder, trying to will me away with her fist. I step forward, enclosing in on her, trapping her in the corner. I can just make out her body’s outline from the faint line of light coming in from the outside. “Don’t you touch me,” she warns again. I drop my hand so it pats her bare leg, slowing sliding it up with a light trace. Her hands stop dead on me, no matter how much she tries to deny it, her body wants me. “I’m going to fuck you,” I tell her reaching further up, her breathing is heavy and I can feel it on my neck. “You’re going to be mine all over again,” I tell her. When I reach where her underwear should be, I find nothing but bare skin. My breath is sharp because I can feel and smell her wetness. “I won’t be yours,” she says in a shaky voice, trying to convince herself. “Oh, but you will be, you’ve loved me from the start. That isn’t going to stop now,” I tell her sliding one finger in. She reaches her hands out and rips my shirt open, buttons fly everywhere. She moves forward and I take my time with my free hand to pull myself out. I’m hard, and it’s all for her. She

leans forward and bites down on my shoulder, licking it then biting again. “Leg,” I tell her. She listens and lifts her leg. I hook it up around my waist and position myself in her, I don’t waste any time as I slam straight into her, wanting and needing every last bit of her. She screams and muffles it with another bite to my shoulder, most likely marking me. Her hands drop and slide around to my back, and scrapes her nails hard down my back, making me want to remove them, but also enjoying the pain that comes from it. “You tried,” I say in between gasps of breath. I fuck her harder, and she lets me. Soon she starts screaming louder, digging her fingernails further into my skin. It doesn’t take me long to follow her down her road of happiness. And when I’m there, I am even faster to pull out and leave her standing there. I open the door and look at her one last time, in her orgasmic state. Fuck! She truly is beautiful. Her eyes lock on mine and I pull my shirt together and slide my cock back in before I walk out without a word. Leaving her there with a single tear sliding down her cheek. I don’t stay any longer, not caring about my date or the wedding. The entire drive my mind is on her, about the way she felt, the way she looked so broken but trying to mask it. Dunk is standing at my doorway when I reach

home and he gives me an odd look, then follows me inside. “Holy shit! Who did you piss off.” He whistles behind me. I turn back to him and give him a look that tells him to explain, and he points to my back. “You’re bleeding,” he says pointing to my back. I take my shirt off and stare, the back is covered in blood. “Holy shit, there are scratch marks, and you’re covered in bite marks. Must have been a good fucking night,” he says loudly and proudly. “So who was it?” he asks as we make our way to my office, and he follows. I try to avoid his questions knowing he won’t shut up until he knows. “Bexley,” I say referring to his question, his smile drops and his face becomes angry. “You can’t be serious, that cunt fucked us over. Why would you even be near that bitch?” He starts pacing then cussing out a string of swear words. “Watch your mouth,” I warn him. “You’ve got to be kidding me?” He throws his hands up, then storms out the way he came in.

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistible desired. ~Robert Frost~

Chapter 31

I shouldn’t have done it, I knew I shouldn’t of. It broke me that little bit more. I’m afraid I won’t have anything left soon, that I may be the shell of a person I once was. I let him get his way…again, let him have me…again. Will I ever truly be able to say no to him? Ever? This thought consumes me even two days after seeing him, being with him. I wish I didn’t love him, I wish I could banish him from my thoughts, but I can’t. Even after everything we’ve been through, he’s still a focal point in everything I do. Aria calls me that morning. I’m surprised to hear her voice when I answer. “You busy?” she asks me. “Nope, just lying in bed at the hotel.” “Okay, well, I leave to go back home tomorrow and wanted to catch up with you before I do. I’m

coming over, text me your address,” she says then hangs up. I stare at my phone not sure what to do. Should I give it to her? Is she coming to hurt me? I decide to text her my address and within an hour she’s at my door, dressed in cut-off shorts and a short tank top. She smiles and pushes her way in. “Heard what you are,” she says looking around the small hotel room. It’s very bare, just a bed and a television. She sits on my bed and crosses her legs leaning back on her hands looking up at me as she does. “What am I?” I ask her standing at the door. Her heads falls to the side and she smiles. “You’re a pig, copper, FBI. Something like that,” she says shrugging her shoulders. “Yes, I was.” “Was?” she asks. “I was, not so much anymore.” “Is it because of him?” ‘Yes and no, it’s what I’ve known for a very long time. So it was part of me, but—” “But he’s a bigger part,” she says ending my answer. “Not anymore,” I say walking over to the bed and sitting back against the headboard. “He’s a cock, but I believe in that hard head of

his he loves you,” she says lying fully down on the bed. “Ha, I’m not so sure,” I say. “Well, you did fuck him over, and not in a minor way, you did it majorly.” “I had to,” I tell her. “No you didn’t, but I understand partly why you did. He still loves you, I know ‘cause he wants to kill me when I mention you, and usually he only wants to hurt me when I open my mouth,” she says laughing at the ways she likes to piss him off. “Why do you leave tomorrow?” I ask her, changing the subject. “I have to get back to work, back to my routine. I came out here to train a few girls. And now I’m done.” “Thanks, Aria,” I say to her. “For what?” she says. “For being a friend,” I tell her honestly. “Don’t get all mushy on me, girl,” she says rolling her eyes, but I can see the faint smile curling up on her lips. “I am gonna go and get us some food. What do you want? I want to laze around today, and I know boss man won’t call me if he knows I’m here with you,” she says. “What do you mean, knows you’re here?”

She stands up and picks up her bag. “I was with him when you text messaged me, he knows where I was going,” she says walking out and telling me she’ll be right back with food. I grab my phone and check to see if I have any messages. There are none, which is unusual. There’s usually not a day goes by that he hasn’t text messaged me. Not all nice, but it was good to receive the smallest message knowing I was on his mind even if it was good or bad. There’s a knock on the door not even five minutes later. God, she was fast. When I open the door, though, it’s not her. It’s someone else, someone who hates me. “Bexley, you’ve been a major problem for me,” he says pulling out a gun and something shiny. I try to look at it, and when I do it’s too late. It’s jabbed into my neck hard. It doesn’t take long for my vision to go blurry and he becomes two people followed by three. I wonder if he sent him? Sent him to get rid of me, and use Aria as a distraction. I grab at him when I fall, his smile evil. And all I think is that Zeke will kill him for this, even if he doesn’t love me. He will kill him.

Be of love a little more careful that of anything. ~E. E. Cummings~

Chapter 32

“Where is she?” she screams into the phone. I pull the phone away from my ear and take a second to understand what she’s saying. Aria is going crazy on the other end of the phone. I don’t even know why she’s calling me, she was meeting up with Bexley and told me to not message or call either one of them. “Calm down, and explain whatever it is you’re rambling about,” I tell her over the phone. “She isn’t here,” she says and I can tell she’s either worried or angry. “Well, maybe she didn’t want to meet up?” “You idiot, I did meet up with her, then I went to grab some food and when I came back her door was wide open and she was gone. Nothing was taken, just her missing.” “Find her,” I tell her into the phone, grabbing my keys and heading to her.

“I am looking, you dickhead. I’ve knocked on every door, gone to the lobby, searched the stairwells. I can’t find her.” “I’ll be there in five,” I tell her hanging up then trying her cell, it goes straight to voicemail with no answer. I park at the front of the hotel and Aria stands there waiting for me. She holds out what looks like a syringe and places it in the palm of my hand. “You were up to this, weren’t you?” she seethes. “What is this?” I ask her. “I found it on the floor behind the door, there was blood there as well. I sweet talked my way into the security room and guess who I saw in the building?” she hums at me, looking ready to punch me. “Fucking Dunk! You did this, didn’t you? Don’t think I won’t kill you.” I don’t give her a word as I walk out and head straight for the car. I’m dialing my phone before I even sit. He doesn’t answer straight away and Aria climbs in next to me. “Yo,” he says into the phone. “I’m going to slice and dice you if you’ve hurt her,” Aria screams into the phone. “Where is she?” I say after her rant. “Where’s who?” he says acting dumb.

“That’s one finger gone,” Aria yells into the phone. Fuck! I’ve got to get rid of her. “If the next word out of your mouth is a lie again, Dunk, I will hand you to Aria willingly.” “That bitch,” he states laughing into the phone. I laugh as well because he’s dumb if he thinks she’s no threat. Very dumb. “She’s occupied,” he says still laughing. “You have one hour to bring her to me, if you don’t, you may wish you never met me,” I tell him then hang up. “Seriously, you gave him an hour? I would have given him five minutes. That dumb fuck,” she swears. I pull over and contact my tech geek. Dunk doesn’t know this, but there’s a tracking device hidden on his phone. I always know where my people are. “You so better not have that shit on my phone,” Aria says from next to me listening to what I’ve asked. I smile at her and she pulls a face of disbelief then rolls down the car window and pegs her phone. She looks back at me and smiles. “What? What if I was fucking your girlfriend, I don’t want you to be able to track that shit,” she says. “I don’t have a girlfriend,” I tell her, ignoring

that she just threw her phone out the window. “Humph, keep telling yourself that. You may actually believe it.” She laughs.

Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule. ~Buddha~

Chapter 33

My neck is sore when I wake, and when I go to rub it I realize my hands are tied together in front of me. I look around to see if anyone is in here and realize I’m in a bedroom. There’s nothing in here but the bed that I’m lying on. There’s no sheets, just a plain mattress. I try to stand and feel my legs begin to buckle, so I sit back down on the bed. I try again for the second time and manage to make it to the door of the room. I turn the handle a few times with no success and then begin to bang on it. “Let me go,” I scream hoping someone will hear me, anyone that isn’t Dunk. I try for what feels like an hour and then collapse onto the floor nearest to the door. I sit in that spot for ages, my body aching and needing to use the toilet when the door finally opens. A man steps in, a man I don’t recognize until his eyes reach mine.

“Mika,” I say not bothering moving from my position on the floor. He smiles at me and squats down, so he’s at my eye level. He’s still as handsome as I remember him. His sandy blond hair styled to the side, his strong eyes assessing me. “I didn’t think you’d remember,” he says inclining his head to the side. “Why am I here?” I ask looking around and gazing past him to the door that’s still shut. “You seem to be his weakness, did you know that?” It takes me a moment to gather who he’s talking about. Of course, it all comes back to him, everything in my fucking life does lately. “Oh, fucking great, another one that wants to take Zeke down or sleep with him,” I murmur to myself. He chuckles and I like his laugh. “I must say, you’re the most beautiful hostage I’ve ever had,” he says still in his squatting position. He reaches out and runs his hand down the side of my face. “You must say that to all the girls,” I laugh dryly at him. He removes his hand and his smile is gone. “I don’t want to hurt you though someone here does,” he says standing, my brain racks for a second until I figure who he’s talking about. He watches me, a grim smile touching his lips. “And I’m taking it that you know who that

person is?” he asks. “Yes, and if he touches me, I will kill him.” He nods his head and walks toward the door, throwing me a backward glance then leaves locking the door behind him. I’m left sitting on the floor, too tired to move let alone stand. I look at my hands and see if I can get these ropes loose. I know how to, I just don’t have the energy to get them off. I collapse onto the floor and lay there, wondering how I could have gotten myself so messed up with all these people. When the door opens again later that night, I still haven’t moved. The floor is cold, and my body is shivering. I don’t even bother to look up to see who’s walked in this time though that person lets me know with a kick to my leg. It is pain I feel at first and my face scrunches up as I try not to show the emotions running through me. Though, when I see who it is, the anger takes over. “You,” I say angrily to Dunk. “You,” he hisses back at me as he walks closer. His cut still sits proudly on his chest, dirty jeans cover his legs. “Does he know you’ve done this?” I ask referring to Zeke. He knows who I’m talking about, I see it on his face. “He does now,” he replies smiling. His smug

face pisses me off. “And you betray your friends like that?” I ask him, to which he becomes angrier and I wonder if it’s a smart thing to poke the angry bear. “Mika is my brother,” he says squatting down, just like Mika did earlier. He looks at me and I can see the hatred in his eyes, for me. I’m not one hundred percent sure. “Didn’t see that one coming, did you? Did you get my package, Bexley?” His smile is forced, it’s goading me. He sent that to me, the vest with the blood. “So you used him?” I ask wondering how I really fit into all of this. “He was a means to an end, he had what we wanted, control. He has control over almost everything. Mika has control over certain aspects, but he wants it all, and I don’t want Zeke to have it anymore. He’s gone soft and it’s because of you,” he spits the last word at me. “If you think he has gone soft, you’re strongly mistaken. He has a purpose now. That’s all it will be, and I’d hate to be you when he finds you.” He stands, angry at my outburst and slaps me hard across the face. Blood coats my mouth and my eyes start to water from the contact. “Don’t piss me off, bitch. I’ll do worse, and make him never want you,” he spits down at me. I

cringe again. “He’s going to kill you, and you know him better than me. So you should know that,” I say turning my head to show him he doesn’t affect me. “He can try, but this place has men all around it. They have orders if he comes to shoot on sight.” My heart squeezes at that thought. The thought of him getting hurt or possibly killed. It shouldn’t, I’m trying not to love him, to not care. Though, I just can’t seem to do so. “You betrayed him, but you still care for him? Or still even love him?” he asks. “You don’t know anything,” I say turning my head trying not to look at him. Instead, I look to the plain white walls in this bare room. “But it’s written all over your face. I can see it clearly, this is going to be good,” he says stepping toward the door. I get a rush of adrenaline and charge him when his back is turned. My front hits his back, sending him face first into the door. I bring my knee up and try to knee him anywhere I can. He pushes me back trying to remove me, but I don’t stop. When he manages to turn around his face is red and full of anger. I stomp my foot down hard on the top of his foot, and when he drops his head from the pain, I karate chop him in the neck. He whines and manages to push me hard backward, my back and head slam down heavy onto the floor.

It gives him an advantage over me, especially since I don’t have full use of my hands in this position to push myself up. “You little slut, I’m going to break you now,” he says limping as he takes a step toward me. I prepare my body for the impact. But it’s worse than what I was expecting, I feel a rib crack when his boot slams into my side. My mouth rips open with the pain. Screams tear from my throat. He doesn’t stop as he lifts my head by my hair, bringing it to his face as he leans forward. “You need to be taught a lesson. You’re lower, you always have been,” he says then punches me hard in my jaw. I feel the impact, my jaw screams in pain, and my mind is trying to switch off, switch away from the agony. He pulls my hair hard, ripping it from my scalp. I wait for the next punch, the punch that will more than likely knock me out when his hands disappear from my head and I’m slammed backward. I manage to open my eyes, just to see where he is when I notice that he’s gone. And in his place is Mika, he looks down at me and shakes his head, then he bends down to lift me up. I cry from the movement, my ribs ache with pain. He hushes me, and places me on the mattress, then walks out. Not long after a soft hand touches my face, a cold cloth is being used. I see Mika’s face, he stops

and drops the cloth, ripping open my shirt, tearing it from my body. I’m left in just a sports bra, and I can’t even move to cover myself if I wanted to. I’m afraid it will hurt. He lifts me slightly, and I bite my lip until I taste the metallic taste of blood. He’s wrapping something around me, and when I look down I notice he’s bandaging up my ribs. When he stops, he places a blanket over me and stands so I can see him clearly. “I warned you, I’ll try to keep him away. You shouldn’t have hit him,” he says looking sad. I don’t talk to him; I try not to even look at him. He must hear my thoughts because he leaves without a word, and shuts and locks the door on his way out. Not that it would matter, there’s nothing I could do, I can’t even move.

It is sad not to love, but it is much sadder not to be able to love. ~Miguel de Unamuno~

Chapter 34

I wake to noises, loud noises. Gun shots, yelling. I got next to no sleep the night before, waking in pain. I haven’t eaten for a full day, haven’t been able to use a proper bathroom. My body aches; my mind aches from over thinking. I want to go home, I want to leave all this behind and I particularly want never to see any one of these people’s faces again. And Zeke, well I can’t even think of him. I think that relationship is over, even though it was never a real relationship, more a one-sided connection for the both times we tried. The voices get louder, closer. I recognize one of the voices. It’s Aria, and she sounds pissed off. The door to my room is kicked open, and I can’t even lift my head to see who it is. I can’t move my body without crying out in pain, so I stay perfectly still. Not knowing who it will be. “Pixie?” I wave of relief shoots through me. He came. “How badly are you hurt?” he asks standing

in front of me. His face is torn as if he can feel my pain. He’s wearing a black shirt that hugs his body and jeans that sit on hips. He leans down and lifts me up, not getting an answer since I can’t answer. When his arms circle around me I cry out. His face scrunches and he carries me like a baby toward the door, Aria in front of him talking fast and harshly to Mika. Dunk is shot, and lying on the ground, not moving. “You hurt her?” Aria says harshly to Mika, he looks taken aback by her words. Kind of mesmerized. He looks back to me and his face winces. “No,” he says shaking his head. He looks down at his brother, who’s dead or knocked out. “All this for me? You know I should kill you, torture you the way I do the rest,” Aria says smiling, he smiles as well. He’s not scared of her one little bit. “Aria,” Zeke says and starts walking with me. Mika goes to reach a hand out to touch me, and Zeke growls loudly. He walks faster and when I meet the sun, my eyes shut. He places me on the back seat of a car trying his hardest to be as gentle as possible with me. Closing the door, he climbs in the driver’s seat. Aria opens her door and slides in the passenger seat, turning her head she looks back to me.

“You look like you’re having a shit day,” she says. I want to laugh, but all I can manage is a weak smile. “Don’t make her laugh, Aria, her fucking ribs are broken,” Zeke says angrily from the driver’s side. “Should’ve broken his,” she says one side of her lip quirks up in a smile. “How did you get in? People with guns?” I say, just not able to get the full sentence out properly. “We tracked him, and you forget I’m good with a bow, Sweetie. I can shoot from a very long distance,” she says holding her hands up showcasing how she shot them. “Hospital,” I say. Aria shakes her head and the car comes to a full stop. Doors are opened, then his voice is there. “I have to carry you inside, it’s going to hurt,” he says picking me up. Oh my, God, it hurts bad. How do people in movies continue to move with broken ribs? Are those fuckers crazy? At first I think he’s taking me to a hospital, but when I look, I see we’re actually at his house, the one I lived in with him. Aria opens the door and he carries me in, takes me to the bed I once slept in, once had sex in. It feels like such a long time ago now.

My back hits the bed and it’s a relief as well as painful. Zeke steps back and a woman replaces him. She assesses my face with soft hands then removes the bandages wrapped around my ribs. She shakes her head and tells me she’s going to give me something for the pain and when a needle is stuck in my arm, it isn’t long until I fall fast asleep. Sleep that is much needed and wanted.

People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense. ~Ken Kesey~

Chapter 35

We didn’t waste time going in once we knew where she was, and they weren’t expecting us that much was obvious. Aria took three men out straight away with her bow, and once we were in, she took out another two. It didn’t matter who they were. When we reached Dunk, I lost it. He started goading me, telling me things he shouldn’t have. “You come for that, slut?” he asks spitting on the floor. “I fucked her up real bad, made her cry and scream, you won’t want her anymore,” he says to which my mind left me and my body took over. My hands were around his throat and I beat the living shit out of him. He dropped to the floor like the piece of shit he was, and then a bullet was put into his head for good measure. Mika though, he was calm. Not saying a word unless it was to Aria. He was pissed that she came here to take his business, a business that’s mine. Though he’s healthy competition. He didn’t expect

her though, and when he laid eyes on her, I could see a captivated man. The same way I was the first time I saw Bexley. I want to tell him he would be screwed worse than me because that bitch is one crazy brand of fucked up. I didn’t stay to see or hear what they had to say, he posed no threat. So I searched for her and found her behind the first door. The locked one. I kicked it in, and there she was, helpless, no shirt, blood everywhere. Lying there still as the dead. I didn’t want to touch her, but was afraid if I didn’t I wouldn’t know if she was still alive. When her eyes looked up at me, I had to get her out of there. Take her with me and protect her. She cried when I touched her, her hair looked like someone had pulled at it and taken chunks away. Her face was bruised badly like someone kicked it in; I don’t even want to know what was under those bandages that were covering her body. When I got her to the car I called the doctor and demanded she meet me at my house, told her I’d pay her whatever she required. She was there when I showed up and a wave of relief washed over me. I hated picking her up, hearing those moans and cries of pain leaving her mouth. My black heart shattered, and became hers solely from that moment on. I wanted to maim and kill everyone that touched her, or even laid a finger on her.

The doctor gives her something for the pain, and it isn’t long before she falls asleep. “I have to strap her ribs and get an ultrasound to make sure there’s no internal damage,” she says as she starts opening her bag and assessing her midregion area. Once she’s done, she straps her ribs and Bexley doesn’t move throughout the whole process. She looks peacefully asleep. “She will heal, nothing is broken, and nothing is punctured. Though she’s going to need bed rest for a few days,” she says handing me a bottle of pain meds she wants me to have Bexley take. I lean down and let my lips touch her, a light kiss and follow the doctor out the door. When I come back, Aria is standing in the doorway watching Bexley. “What did he say?” I ask her, keeping my eyes on Bexley. I am referring to Mika, he wants what is mine. “He wanted me, I’ve stolen his business. Word’s gotten out, you picked a winner,” she laughs dryly. “He wanted you to stop business on this side, you’re ruining his,” she tells me. I shake my head. Fucking prick. People want what I have, they always do. I’m good at what I do, I’m good at making money. And they see it, they want it. But it’s not them that work there ass’s off for it. It’s me. “You shot him?” I ask turning to face her, her face scrunches up.

“Don’t get mad, I kind of made a deal with him. You did after all kill his brother.” She smiles. “What deal, Aria?” “I told him I would work for him as well.” “You don’t have the right to decide that,” I scream at her, but she isn’t affected by me. She shrugs her shoulders like it doesn’t bother her. “I saved you a great deal of conflict. He’s powerful, Zeke. Maybe not as much as you, but he knows people.” She turns to leave then stops and turns back to me. “When she wakes up, if she wants to leave, let her. Don’t hold her because of your guilt, she’ll come back if she loves you as much as you love her,” she says then walks out the door. Let her go? That will never happen. I will never let her go again, she’s now mine, forever. I get a cloth and bowl of water and go to the bedroom where she’s asleep. I manage to get her undressed without moving her much or waking her up. Once I’ve cleaned her body, I start on her face, slowly wiping away the blood that’s dried to her face. She slowly opens her eyes. They make me stop and stare just from the pain she’s showing in them. “Zeke,” she says, her voice sends shivers all over me.

“Don’t talk,” I tell her while continuing to wipe her down and brushing her hair away from her face. “Call my father, I want him,” she says and closes her eyes and falls back asleep. I don’t wish to call that man. Dealing with him is not something I am ready to do. But something that Aria said nags at me. If that’s what she wants, who am I to stop her. I wear the carpet out, walking back and forth watching her, listening to her breathing. Why can’t she just want me? Why does she need that man, yes, he may be her father, but I am her lover, the one she needs. The one that can give her everything. I stop pacing when a rough squeeze of breath leaves her mouth, she’s in pain. I have to do what she wants, have to learn to please her. Stop putting my selfish ass first. I grab her phone and find his name, I take a deep breath and prepare to talk to a man I would rather kill than talk to. “Yes,” a rough voice speaks from the phone. “It’s Zeke Takon,” I say, wondering if he’ll hang up on me. “What are you calling for, boy?” he asks angrily. “It’s Bexley. She’s hurt, and she wants you,” is all I can say, just barely. I don’t want him to take her away.

“I guess this has something to do with you?” he asks. “Yes.” No point in lying. “I also guess you have her at your place?” he asks, the accusation never leaves his tone of voice. “Yes,” I tell him again. “I’ll be there soon,” he says and hangs up the phone. I walk back into the room to see her asleep. I should dress her, put something on her. But I don’t want her to go, don’t want her to leave. She doesn’t move or make a sound when I slide my shirt on her. She looks peaceful. I don’t want to let her go. **** The knock on the door is loud, and I know it’s him. But I’m also wondering how he got here so fast. I know he doesn’t live near here. When I open the door, the look he gives me is one of murder, and I’m sure if he could he would murder me where I stand. “I’m taking her, and you’re not to say a word. If you contact her again, I won’t be so nice,” he says walking past me and straight into my room. I don’t stop him. Even though I want to grab my gun and shoot him.

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes…just be an illusion. ~Javan~

Chapter 36

I wake to voices, arguing voices. I recognize both, both people who shouldn’t be in the same room as one another. His voice is angry; I can tell he’s holding back. Trying his best not to shoot or murder my father. My father doesn’t help, he likes to get a rise from people, and he’s good at it. That’s why he’s in charge. “You can’t pick her up,” Zeke seethes at my father. “She isn’t staying here,” he shoots back. “She needs to heal,” he responds. “And she will, in my care. Now, tell me what happened?” my father demands. “I got to her as fast as I could,” he says his voice lower than before. “You can’t protect her, and you don’t love her.” I open my eyes to see them standing nose-to-

nose, anger rolling off of both of them. I cough and it pains me to do so, but both sets of eyes fly to me. Zeke walks straight to my side, grabs my hand and holds it in his. “Can you stand?” my father asks from behind him. I think about it and try. When I manage to get my hands in the right position to lift myself, it hurts, worse than before. Zeke’s face looks more pained, and his hands come behind to support me. He helps me stand and I do just barely, thanks mainly to the strong painkillers I know are pumping around my system. “Please stay,” he pleads with me, his voice unlike anything I’ve heard. “I love you. Falling in love with you was easy, yet hard for me. Hard, because I fought it, easy because I knew it. But staying in love, being in love, it’s harder. You don’t make it easy,” I say to him, his hands become softer, like he’s trying to break loose but can’t. “Don’t,” he manages to say, but it’s weak. So unlike him. “I have to, Zeke. It’s broken. We’re broken… beyond repair.” His eyes shut, he doesn’t look at me as he stands. “You don’t have to go.” “Yes I do,” I say and my father holds his hand

out for me to take, I take hold and don’t look back. This is it! This is the time I need to separate what the heart wants and what the head knows. I can’t do this with him anymore. I wanted love, but not under these circumstances. He’s quiet on the drive, my father isn’t much of a talker, never has been. But I was expecting to be grilled, or at least questioned. “You’re just like your mother,” my father says. Which is unusual, he doesn’t speak of her at all. She died when I was young, I don’t have many memories of her. “Why?” I ask not looking at him, staring at the road ahead. “She left a trail of broken hearts wherever she went,” he says. “How does that make me like her?” “You do the same. That man, despite all his flaws, loves you.” Wow! That’s not something I thought I would hear him say. “He only thinks he does,” I mutter, lying back on the seat and closing my eyes. “No, he does. Just like Tragger.” “I don’t want to talk about Tragger, Papa.” It always comes back to him, he’s the man my dad

wants me to marry more than anything. “He will be good to you, keep you safe. Keep your heart safe.” “Yes, he may, but I don’t love him.” He won’t listen to me, he never does. “You could learn to.” “Did you learn to love, Mom?” He huffs at my statement. “I loved your mother from the first time I met her, she had me spellbound.” “And you want less for me?” How can he expect me to learn to love someone? “No, but I prefer you safe. And that man is not safe.” “I know that, why do you think I’m here with you.” I want to scream at him, but nothing ever works with him and screaming won’t get me anywhere. “We’re going home, I booked us on the next flight,” he tells me. I wonder why he’s here. Then I remember he had to come for work, and he didn’t even bother calling me to let me know he’d arrived. The flight is quiet, nothing is spoken. And my mind doesn’t stop thinking of that man, that man that I know is not good for me. ****

My home is quiet. It’s been two days since the day I left Zeke. Tragger has visited me once, I asked him not to bother coming back. I don’t want to give him false hope when there’s nothing to give him. My father dropped me off, did some grocery shopping, and then I asked him to leave. I’ve done nothing but lay on my couch, watching reruns of old television programs. My phone beeps from the couch, and I know it’s him. It’s been beeping the last couple of days, ringing as well. I’m wondering when the battery is going to die; surely it has to be soon? I don’t want to look at it, don’t want to know what he has to say. I’m trying to separate us, but he just doesn’t seem to want that. He doesn’t understand that it will never work. He’s destroyed us, wrecked us from the start. “Hey,” I hear from the couch. I stand and unlock the door to see Benji standing there. I haven’t seen him since the night I left Tragger. A small smile takes over my face and he leans in to cuddle me softly, then he steps back. “Your father told me you were back,” he says following me inside. I go back to the couch where I was before and bring my legs up under me. “I’m sure that’s not all he’s said,” I say rolling my eyes knowing he’s probably said a lot more.

“So you found it?” he asks and it takes me a moment to remember our earlier conversations. He told me to go and find love, to fall in love, and to fall out. “Yep,” I say not looking at him. “Did it destroy you?” he asks sounding serious. “Might as well have,” I tell him. “So he didn’t love you back?” It takes me a moment to answer that, I don’t know what to say. “He says he does, but I doubt it.” “Why?” “Why did it take him so long to tell me? Why did he treat me so bad? Why did he use me for sex? I don’t know, he said it himself he doesn’t love. So why would that change now?” “Because of you.”

Though lovers be lost love shall not. ~Dylan Thomas~

Chapter 37

It has been two weeks, and I feel way better than I did. I’m still hoarded up in my apartment because I don’t have to be anywhere. My phone has died and I don’t want to deal with any of that. A package arrived yesterday from him; I haven’t opened it yet, afraid of its contents. It’s big and sitting in my doorway. I know I should open it. I think my heart is broken, I think he was the love of my life. You know, the one you never forget the one that’s always there, that others will never compare to. Even though it would be so easy considering he never wooed me. After the last episode of the Gilmore Girls, I have nothing left to watch. I’ve managed to watch all of the Charmed, Dawson’s Creek (don’t laugh) and True Blood episodes. But the box still sits there and stares at me, goading me to open it. I grab a kitchen knife and walk to it slowly like something may jump out at me if I open it. I slowly run the

knife along the tape and pull open the box. When I look into it, its contents confuse me. I pull the first thing out and it doesn’t make any sense. It’s his shirt, one that I’ve slept in many times, and when I smell it, it still smells of him. I rummage through the rest and see it’s all his clothes, ones that I’ve worn, and ones that he has worn that I’ve loved on him. It still doesn’t make any sense. I tip the box upside down to empty the contents and in the bottom there’s a letter, in his handwriting. Meet me tonight, 7 pm at your apartment door. I didn’t open the box when it came so the note confuses me, is he here? Surely he hasn’t been waiting for me? I walk to the front door and am reluctant to open it, not knowing what I’ll find. When I do, he’s there. Sitting on the floor, typing on his phone. He hears the door and looks up; a wave of relief seems to wash over his face. He stands and his black jeans hug him tightly, his black shirt and baseball cap make him look bad, so bad and yet so good. “Pixie?” he says, looking me up and down and taking a step toward me. I stop him by putting my hand up and walk backward slamming the door in

his face. My breathing becomes heavy, and I slide down the door wondering what he’s doing. Why is he here? I even out my breathing and feel the door move, it must be him leaning against it. I stop breathing and try to listen. “I need you, Bexley,” he says, his voice rough. I don’t respond, I don’t know what to say. I’ve told him it’s over. “Let me stay in love with you, let me help you remain in love with me. I want to be your end, Bexley, you’re last in everything.” “Please leave,” I manage to say. He doesn’t respond, and I don’t look to see if he’s left. It’s wrong, so wrong to be in love with someone who is so bad, especially when I come from the type of background I come from. I used to put people like him away, for life. Hell, I even tried to do it to him. It’s wrong, it’s wrong to fall for someone so bad, and with no morals. No respect for the law. I manage to crawl back to the couch and restart the Gilmore Girls. I’ll just go back to the beginning, and think if only life was that easy. **** Today is the day. I need groceries, food, and drinks other than water. I dress myself this morning, which is something I haven’t done for almost two weeks. I’m wearing long black pants and a black shirt. I guess it matches my mood.

When I open the door to walk out, I didn’t think he would still be there. I thought for sure with no more words spoken last night, he’d be gone. But he isn’t, he’s in the same clothes, sitting in the same position. I contemplate walking back in and shutting the door, but I really need food. I ate my last packet of noodles last night. I walk past him without looking. He stands, and I know he’s following me. His footsteps echo behind me. I exit the building and am glad the local supermarket isn’t far from where I live. I cross the street hoping he won’t follow, but I’m also fighting the battle of wanting to see him. He doesn’t disappoint, he follows. I knew he would. Some part of me wants to tell him to fuck off, but I don’t, not just yet. I grab a basket and toss in bread and milk first, then junk food, lots of it. As I’m checking out the candy, he steps next to me, and I have no choice but to acknowledge him. “I’m not a chaser, Bexley,” he says, and it makes me angry. I didn’t ask him to chase me. “Good, go home,” I say to him. “I am home. You received my clothes?” he asks. It takes me a moment to understand what he’s just said to me. “What?” I ask with my mouth hanging open. He

reaches over and his fingers run along my jaw before he lifts my jaw up and closes my mouth. “I’m all yours,” he says like it’s so simple. I ignore him and walk away. I watch as ladies heads turn when he stands behind me in the checkout line. Some not so subtle about it. Some even whistle and I want to laugh at them. But I refrain, and pay for my groceries and walk back the way I came, back to my home. When I reach my door, I turn to see him there, not even three feet away from me. He watches me but doesn’t say a word. I walk in and leave my door open, I don’t know why, so he walks in after me. He looks at his clothes strewn across the floor and back to me. He doesn’t come in any further. “You can shower,” I say to him pointing toward the bathroom door. He smiles like he’s just won, but he hasn’t. “Then you leave,” I add the last part. He grabs some clothes and walks to my shower. I listen and hear it start up. Sitting up on a kitchen stool, I open a packet of chocolate just waiting, for what I’m not sure. When he’s done, I’ve eaten almost half the block, and he comes out without his shirt on. Just a pair of blue jeans that hang low on his waist. I can’t help but look and admire, he is the devil after all. “Would you accompany me for dinner?” he asks. I shake my head, for more reasons than the

one. “Okay,” he says and walks out the door closing it behind him. I sit there just staring at the door, like he’s just played a joke on me. I jump up and swing the door open, and there he is sitting on the ground, where I first found him. He looks up and I walk back in and slam the door shut. What have I gotten myself into? All night I think about him, but not once do I reopen that door to see if he’s still there. **** I wake to the sound of banging on my door, followed by the yelling of my name. It’s Ember. I open the door to her smiling face staring at me. She walks in and slams the door shut behind her, and follows me to the kitchen where I make us a coffee. “You know you have a man on your doorstep asleep?” she says with the biggest grin on her face. I make three coffees. I hand her one and take the other to the door and give it to Zeke. I don’t make eye contact, and when his hand brushes mine to take it, I walk straight back inside shutting the door. “So you wear his clothes, but let him sleep outside?” she asks smiling brightly. I look down and realize I do have on his shirt and then realize he’s probably just seen that too. I run to my bedroom and find the closest clothes that are actually mine and take his shirt off and replace them. Ember is smiling wide when I return.

“This is interesting,” she says clapping her hands like a child. “Shut up,” I mutter, picking up my coffee and sipping on it. “How long has he been out there?” she asks pointing to the door. I shrug my shoulders because I really don’t know. Could be two days or longer, I just don’t know. “Well, are you going to let him in?” “Ember, you came for what exactly?” I ask. Her eyebrows raise and she laughs at me some more. “Lance is here for work. Just came by to wake you up and take you out for lunch,” she says. “Okay, let’s go,” I tell her picking up my keys. “You aren’t wearing that, are you?” she asks pointing to my clothes, making a face at them. “I can just as easily stay home,” I tell her. She shakes her head and walks to the door. I follow her and lock it on the way out. Zeke is still there and watching us. “Toodles,” Ember says with a wave. I don’t look at him; I don’t want to see him. We walk to a nearby restaurant and when we’re seated Ember laughs loudly. “Is he your bodyguard?” she asks, and I wonder who she’s pointing to. When I gaze out the bay

windows of the restaurant, I see Zeke standing there. I cover my face with my hands and try to calm my breathing. “Why won’t he leave me alone,” I say in exhaustion. “He got bit by the Pixie,” she says still laughing. I hit her on the head with the menu and she stops and rubs it. It’s not just Zeke that calls me that, Ember used to when she couldn’t remember my name when we first met, she says it’s all about my size and my hair. “What? It’s funny,” she says shrugging. “Seriously, why’s he following you everywhere and sleeping at your door?” “I don’t know.” “Didn’t you two break up?” she asks me. “Yes,” I reply. “He seems to think otherwise, you know. I’ve heard rumors about him lately,” she says leaning over like she’s about to tell me a secret. “What?” “He sold his house and some of his businesses,” she says. I look over to him, wondering if it’s true. A part of me is screaming not to care, but the other part wants to know.

The quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love. ~Jean Racine~

Chapter 38

Ember left after lunch, leaving me at the restaurant by myself. Not entirely by myself as Zeke is still here. Though he hasn’t entered, he’s not even looking in my direction. I wonder what I should do about him? I want to know if what Ember said is true. But a part of me doesn’t want to engage in any conversation. It will just bring heartbreak, of that I’m sure. As I walk out, he watches me. I stop and stare at him and he stares straight back. His blue eyes assessing me. He doesn’t say a word though he never has been big on words to begin with. Only when it suited him. He follows me all the way home and once again says nothing as he walks with heavy steps next to me. Once we reach the apartment door, I wonder what should be done. How long will he stay without me talking to him? Would it be easier if we talked this out, so we can both go on with our lives? To

stop whatever this is, that’s happening here, even though I’m not quite sure what that is. “Why are you here, Zeke?” I ask turning to face him, as I open my door and take a step inside. “I want to talk,” he tells me. I open the door further and allow him entry. His clothes that came in the box are still sitting on the floor in the entryway. He steps over them and doesn’t say anything about them as he follows me in. I sit on my couch, and he goes to sit next to me, but I want distance between us. I shake my head before he has the chance to sit, and point to the single chair located across from mine. He does it without a word and sits down. “Talk,” I tell him, watching him carefully. His face is straight like he’s trying to think of the correct words, but he’s struggling. “I fucked up,” he says playing with his phone in his hand. I nod, agreeing. Fucked up doesn’t even cover it. “So did you,” he says. I want to scream at him, telling him he’s wrong. But I don’t, because I did as well. “Have you come here to clear the air, so you can go back to where you came from?” His face scrunches and his eyes hold mine. “No,” he says shaking his head. “Then why are you here?” I demand.

“I want to start over. I want to help you fall back in love with me,” he says and I can hear the meaning in his voice, his eyes are locked onto mine waiting for my reaction. I don’t give him one at first, I just sit there. Running everything through my mind. He can’t change; he’s the man and will always be the man I met, the one that’s dangerous, bad, and the devil. But that’s the man I also fell in love with. But so much has happened, so much has changed. I was put in a dangerous situation because of him and ultimately I was hurt because of who he is and what he does. “Stop thinking, I’ll explain everything tonight. Just meet me out the front at seven,” he says and stands. He watches me and walks a few steps forward and kisses me on the top of my head and walks out the door shutting it behind him. I sit in my seat not moving, thinking about what he’s just said. And what his plans are for the evening. **** Later that night I’m dressed in a black leather skirt and a black matching top. My hair is straightened, framing my face and I’m sitting bouncing my leg up and down nervously as I wonder if this is a good idea. His knock comes softly on my door. I stand in my heels and am afraid I’m going to lose my

balance, my legs are that shaky. When I open the door, he’s a picture of sex. Total sex appeal oozes from him; his stubble that was on his face earlier is now gone. He’s dressed in a black suit, with a purple tie against his crisp white shirt. He looks me up and down and produces a bouquet of gorgeous flowers. They’re yellow, my favorite color. I smile against my better judgment and take them from him, thanking him and his sexy smile doesn’t leave his face. “Are you ready?” he asks. I don’t know how to answer that, am I? Will I ever be? I decide to not use words and nod my head instead. He places his hand out for me to take and I decline. It’s too fast, too soon. **** On the car ride over not a word is spoken, he hired a driver and we sit in the back. His eyes on me, my eyes straight ahead. “Are you going to look at me tonight?” he asks from right next to me. I don’t answer, words have gone blank in my head and nothing is reaching my mouth. “I hope you do,” he says. The car comes to stop and he exits coming around to my side to help me out. He walks into a very chic restaurant, there are waiters waiting in line at the front as we enter. It’s hidden, and extremely high class. I wonder how he

knows about such a place, and I also wonder where all their customers are. “Mr. Takon, we have your table ready,” the waiter says and escorts us back to a single two seater table in the middle of the restaurant. All the tables are empty and are pushed away from ours. The restaurant has glass chandeliers hanging from the high ceiling. The décor is white and gold. There are golden flowers lining the room everywhere. Once we’re seated, wine is poured and the waiter tells us our first course will be arriving soon. Zeke is looking at me as I continue to be mesmerized by this stunning establishment. “Do you like it?” he asks, breaking my thoughts and bringing them back to solely him. “It’s charming,” I answer him truthfully. “But where are the customers?” I ask him and he smirks. “I booked it out for just us, for the night.” “Why?” I say. “Because you need special, and we never did special. I want to start again,” he says. “I can’t forget everything, Zeke. There’s too much to forget,” I say looking down to my hands in my lap. “I know, but we never did this. I never wooed you. They say that’s what you’re meant to do. I didn’t, I went straight for what was mine, what I

wanted.” “I was never yours,” I squeak out. “But you were, as I am yours.” I try shaking my head. “You’re not, you had your rules. I accepted the rules. I didn’t ask for more. So I left.” “You didn’t have to ask for more, you had it all to begin with.” “That’s not true.” “I’m gonna make you fall back in love with me, Bexley because I love you.” “You can’t do that, love doesn’t work like that. Don’t say those words, because you think that’s what I want to hear. Say it because you want me to be your last breath. Say it because I’m all you see. Say it because I’m in you, I’m stuck to your soul. Say it to me like you mean it, not to make yourself feel good.” “You said falling in love was hard, but staying in love was the hard part. It may have been hard for you, but it was never hard for me, Pixie. Your fucking stuck to me, I don’t think I could ever stop loving you. It may have taken me a while to get to that, to say that. But you will see, I’ll make you see,” he says and stops as the first course arrives at our table. We eat without so much as another word, the heavy words have now been said. What else is

left? Conversation is kept light after that. I start to wonder about what Ember said and want to ask him. But I don’t want to give false hope, where hope isn’t there yet. “How long you staying here for?” I ask, touching the subject but not delving in too deeply. “For as long as you do,” he says quietly. “What do you mean?” I ask not understanding. “I mean, I’m here for you. I’ll go wherever you go.” “What about your club? Your work?” “What about them?” he says inclining his head to the side, not giving me answers. “You’re very work orientated,” I tell him with a scoff. “I’m very Bexley orientated, too,” he says smiling. I try to hide the grin that touches my lips, but I can’t and he sees it.

When love is not madness, it is not love. ~Pedro Calderon de la Barca~

Chapter 39

She sits across from me with a smile on her face, while she baits me. Telling me that what I say is not true. Though I know it is, because I feel it. It may have taken me a while to get there, but now I’m there she doesn’t have a chance in hell of getting rid of me. “I don’t even think I want this, Zeke,” she says stopping that smile that was etched across her face. “You do! I know you do. You didn’t just stop loving me, Bexley.” Her face slowly scrunches like she wants to argue the fact. “Love isn’t always the answer, it was wrong,” she tells me shaking her head. “It was never wrong, just the wrong time. But us…” I say indicating between us, “we were never wrong.” “Are you going to be sleeping out the front of my apartment until I agree?” she goads me. I want

to laugh. “If you agree to try, no, I won’t. I do have a hotel that I’m supposed to be staying at. I just choose to be close to you,” I tell her the truth. “Did you sell the house?” she asks me. “I did. I sold a lot of my holdings.” “Even the business Aria is in?” she asks again. “Yes, it was a risk. I couldn’t have anything to do with that if it meant placing you in harm’s way again.” “What about Aria? Was she okay with that?” She’s always concerned about others. “Aria wants what’s best for us, and she knows this is it.” “Where do you intend to live?” “Wherever you are.” She spits her drink out like she doesn’t believe what I’ve just said. A waiter runs over and hands her a napkin and she is kind when she accepts it. Thanking him. “You can’t expect me to just believe that, or even want that,” she says wiping her face and skirt. I want to touch her, I’ve been keeping my distance, it’s something I’m not used to with her. It’s hard, and it’s probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Refraining myself from touching

her, from kissing her. My eyes linger on her soft, lush lips, and she catches me looking and licks them. She knows what I’m thinking. What I want. “I really want to taste you, Bexley,” I say and she sits up straighter in her chair. Her head starts to shake no. “You can’t,” she says just above a whisper. “Why can’t I?” “Because you’re the devil, and I can’t resist him,” she says like it’s simple and I’m meant to understand that statement. “I make you weak?” I ask her. “Yes, and when you touch me, I’m yours. I want to be mine for just a little while longer,” she says. I nod my head in understanding. “I won’t apologize, Bexley. Yes, we may not be right, but who is? I may have hurt you, but I still want you. More than my next breath,” I tell her leaning closer. “Don’t say things like that, like it’s the stuff I want to hear,” she says to me. “It’s not about what you want to hear, it’s about what I have to say.” “Is it?” “Yes, I’m not a chaser. You know I get what I want. But here I am, chasing you.” I wave my hands around in indicative movements.

“I need to go home, Zeke,” she says standing. “Are you sure?” I ask reaching out to touch her. She nods her head. I hold my hand out, asking for her to take it. “Can we walk? I would like more time.” She looks to me then to my hand and places her small soft palm in mine. I take and squeeze it, feeling her hand beneath mine. Nothing is spoken at first, she keeps looking down at our joined hands. Like she’s afraid, I’m going to do something, or let go. Or maybe not even believing that I’m holding her. “Are you changing, Zeke,” she asks looking at me while we walk. “I believe so,” I tell her gripping her hand tighter. “I don’t want you to change,” she says whispering. I stop and when I do, she does as well. “Why?” “I fell in love with you, Zeke, the problem wasn’t so much you. Though, there could be improvements. It was what you did, how it was kept secret, how you wanted to break me down like your other women. Once that stopped, it was you that I loved. Just don’t try to degrade me again.” “Are…are you saying that you’ll try?” I ask her not believing.

“I don’t know what I’m saying though I can’t turn you off. You’re etched in here, and I can’t get you out. So I may as well stop fighting it while you’re here.” “Can I kiss you now?” I ask her, she looks back to the path we’re on and shakes her head no. “Not yet,” she says walking again, taking me with her this time. “Favorite color?” I ask her, changing the subject. “Black,” she replies. “Why?” I ask her, she smiles but doesn’t stop walking. “It matches your soul, so it’s mine.” I laugh. “Are you saying my soul is black?” “Yes, and because I love you, it’s my favorite color.” “Okay, favorite movie?” “I don’t have a favorite movie, but television show I do. It’s the Gilmore Girls.” “Okay, diamonds or pearls?” “Why must you know that?” she ask me her smile gone. “Because we’re on a first date. We have to get to know one another.”

“Diamonds.” “How many kids?” I ask, she stops fully this time and looks at me and removes her hand. “This is a bit much for a first date.” “I think everything we’ve said on this date, would make first dates very uncomfortable.” “None,” she answers my question. “What?” She starts playing with her strap on her shoulder bag. “I can’t have kids, Zeke.” I want to ask her why, but I don’t and reach out and take her hand instead. She lets me and our fingers intertwine as we continue walking. “That’s good, kids and me don’t mix.” She smiles, just barely, and doesn’t say another word. “Favorite band?” “Maroon Five,” she replies. I nod my head agreeing. “Can I see you tomorrow?” “What you don’t plan on sleeping out the front on my doorstep again?” she jokes. “Only if that’s what you want?” I ask her raising my eyebrows in question. “No, go back to your hotel.”

We come to a stop at her apartment complex, and she opens the door and I follow her up. Once we reach the door, we’re at a loss for words. “Should I invite you in?” she asks as she opens the door. I want to tell her yes, but I don’t. “No, that may not be smart, we need to do this right, and if I walk in, I wont be leaving that body of yours for weeks, I’ll be buried there for days.” She nods her head in agreement and a blush takes over her cheeks. “Thank you for dinner,” she says to me smiling. I’ve never looked at another woman or seen another woman the way I see her. They have always said once you have eyes for the one you love, no one else can compare. I agree very strongly with this now. I go to say something else, but no other words leave my mouth. So I lean forward slowly. Giving her the time if that’s what she needs to back away, and slowly bring my lips to hers. I need to taste her. I’ve missed her, and everything there is about her. She doesn’t move when my lips touch hers, and I don’t move either. We just stand there, lips on lips. It takes me longer than a moment for my mind to catch up and tell me to taste her, to savor her. And I bring my hands up grabbing her face. She opens her mouth slowly, giving me access and I don’t disappoint. I take all that there is for her to

give and kiss her. Her hands grab me, latching onto my waist and she pulls my shirt, squeezing it between her fingers. Our tongues touch, our bodies are locked. Our lips a frenzy of passion. I break away, against my better judgment and stand there with lips inches apart and our foreheads touching. “I should go,” I whisper and she nods her head against me.

If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom? ~Khalil Gibran~

Chapter 40

I dreamed of that kiss all night, even when I wasn’t sleeping that kiss was on my mind. Haunting me. My body was on overdrive, wanting a release that I knew only he could give me. And as I watched him walking away last night with that ass of his, I knew I would have to take care of myself. I couldn’t fall down that rabbit hole again. I don’t even know entirely what I agreed to last night, it all seems a blur to me right now. I get out of bed to a knock on my door. I’m thinking that it’s Zeke when I open it, and when I don’t see him disappointment floods through me. It’s Tragger. “He’s back, hey?” he asks following me in as I walk away. “Yes,” I reply, not looking at him while walking to the kitchen. “You seeing him again?”

I turn to him and raise my eyebrows, this is absolutely none of his business. “What did you come for, Trag?” “Your father asked me to check on you.” “He asked you to come and investigate me?” I say to him placing my hand on my hip and getting angry. “No,” he answers. “Liar! Tell him it’s none of his concern who his daughter is fucking.” He pales at my words. “You can’t seriously consider having anything to do with this man, Bex? He’s not like us, you shouldn’t be with him.” “And who should I be with? You?” “Yes,” he says it like I should know this. “I won’t be with someone I don’t love, Tragger. We tried that and it didn’t work.” “You will regret being with him, Bex. He will only cause you hurt.” “Maybe, but that’s for me to find out. Now leave, and tell my father to stop following me.” “I won’t always be here waiting for you, you know.” “I don’t want you to wait for me, Tragger. Go out, and find someone else.” I wave him off dismissing him. He leaves and slams the door on his

way out. My phone rings, not giving me a moment of silence. “Did you score?” Aria’s voice booms through the phone line. “What are you talking about?” I ask her. “You know, did you get jiggy with it? Did you get sucker punched in the—” I stop her before she has the chance to finish that sentence. I do not want to hear the end of that. “No,” I say cutting her off. “Damn, he seemed happy and he wouldn’t tell me. So I thought I’d ring you and get the juicy details,” she says laughing into the phone. “You still talking to him?” I ask confused. “Yes, just ‘cause he sold the business to Mika don’t mean shit,” she says and a shiver breaks out over my body. Not so much his name, but the names that are associated with his. “How’s it going, Aria?” I say sitting up on the bench waiting for her to spill. I don’t think she has many girlfriends, I have a feeling I’m it for her. “Oh, you know, same ole, same ole. I’m contemplating killing Mika, I haven’t made up my mind yet.” “Why?” I ask her.

“He thinks he knows what I want, and knows what he wants.” “And what is it that you both want?” “He wants me. I want me. See the problem. He thinks I want him, he’s got a few screws lose that man.” “Why do I have a feeling you may want that too?” “I’m hanging up on you now for swearing at me, and can you please go and fuck, Zeke. He’s seriously being a pussy bitch,” she says hanging up on me. I wander around my apartment for most of the day, cleaning and picking up all Zeke’s clothes. I don’t know what to do with them. Not sure if I should take them to him or leave them here. I decide to place them back in the box and get dressed and go and find his hotel. I text Aria to see if she knows where it is, and she text messages straight with the address. I pull on jeans and plain pink shirt with ballet flats. I debate whether to call him, to inform him I’m coming. But half way to my car, I decide against it. He does this to me, I’m going to do it to him. Not let him know I’m coming, even if it scares the shit out of me. Once I arrive at his hotel I ask reception for his

room number, they give it to me willingly and I make my way up to him. Upon reaching his door, I wonder if it’s smart to be here. Just before I get a chance to knock the door is swung open by a naked Zeke. Well, not exactly naked, he has a towel wrapped around him, but I bet he’s naked under that. His torso is beautifully on display and I want to reach out and touch him like always. “Bexley,” he says side stepping for me to enter, his eyes drinking me in, making me want him so badly. “I came to see what you wanted done with your clothes?” I ask watching him walk off to the bedroom and pulling on a shirt. He drops the towel in front of me, with no shame what-so-ever and smiles as he does so. Then pulls up his pants ending my show. “I want them at your place,” he says walking back to me. “Okay,” is all I can reply. “I’m glad you’re dressed that way,” he says pointing to my jeans and shirt. I give him an odd look. “We can have our second date now,” he says grabbing his phone and wallet from the bench and reaching for my hand. I let him take hold of me again, letting him creep his way in, bit by bit. The

same way I fell in love with him in the first place. We walk to his car, this time he drives and talks to me about Aria. That she’s basically annoying him even though she no longer works for him anymore. I laugh and don’t tell him about my conversations with her, all she seems to want to know is if we’re back in fuck-bunny land yet anyway. “Where to today?” I ask him. “Look,” he says pointing to the large sign. ‘Maroon 5’ have a show on today. “We’re going to a concert?” I ask him excitedly. He smiles and climbs out of the car. The lines are long, women and men are waiting in line for the gates to open. “We are,” he says smiling back at me, walking to the line. Women stop and stare at him. Ogling him with their eyes. I look to see if he’s looking at them, most of them are gorgeous. Dressed in basically nothing, and their tits showing through their tops. I start to walk faster, once I see his eyes are trained on me, so I slow down and walk beside him. “Was this why you asked me questions last night?” He reaches for my hand and takes it. It’s such a small act, but for him to be constantly doing it, it’s a significant act because he was never a fan of

touching. I was always rushed off. “Yes, it was, and I’ll tell you now I’m so glad you picked them. If you picked that other band you listen to, it was going to be a trip to Australia,” he says and I laugh at him. The line moves fast once the gates are open, and people rush to get inside to their seats. We have a standing spot right in front of the stage in the mosh pit. The arena is packed full. Once ‘Maroon 5’ start, I sing along with them, jumping up and down. Getting lost in the music and the moment. Zeke doesn’t do any of this, he stands stock still like it’s somewhere he doesn’t really want to be, but he’s here to please me. I turn to look at him as he’s standing behind me and notice he isn’t watching the band at all, his gray eyes are now on me. I turn back to the stage and take a step back, enclosing in on his space. He doesn’t move and stands tall. My back hits his front and he grabs me and wraps his hands around my waist. His head comes down to the crook of my neck, breathing me in. I close my eyes, I’m happy. Wishing this was how we started out. This is how a relationship is meant to be. Maybe we found each other at the wrong time? Maybe now we can begin again? “Thank you,” I yell at him, afraid he won’t hear me above the music. His fingers squeeze me telling

me he heard me. We start to sway to the music, getting lost in the lyrics and lost in each other, and it takes me a moment to realize I’ve now turned around and am basically pulling him down to me. He doesn’t take a moment, his lips slam onto mine. He grabs me by the legs and picks me up, so my legs wrap around him and he kisses the everloving shit out of me, in a packed arena full of screaming people, to which neither of us care.

Everything is clearer when you’re in love. ~John Lennon~

Chapter 41

I can’t lose her again, the last couple of days have cemented that fact to me. She’s it for me. I don’t want to rush things, don’t want to go the same pace we did last time. I want to savor her. But as her body becomes flush with mine at her door, I can’t say no. It’s impossible to do so. The concert was great, even though I didn’t listen to a word they sang. All I did was watch her jump and scream and it was great. When she made the first move, I felt as if I’ve done something right. Maybe it doesn’t, maybe it’s me that makes her happy. The way she grabbed me, the way her body connects with mine. It makes me desirously content. “We shouldn’t,” I tell her breaking away. She whimpers and doesn’t take no for an answer. She pulls me in the door and slams it shut with her foot, jumping back on me again. “Bexley,” I say in between her lips kissing me and me kissing her.

“Zeke, don’t make me shut you up,” she says pulling my shirt up over my head. I let her and do the same to her. Her red lace bra on display, making my already hard cock even harder. “Are you sure?” I ask, not wanting her to talk, but not wanting her to regret it either. “Bring me back my fuck-me-Zeke,” she says leaning up whispering in my ear. I know there was never a complaint about our sex lives, we always wanted each other, there’s no denying that. But that won't be all there is to us, there is more for us, she knew this, me slower to realize. “Are you sure you want him?” I warn her. She bites her fingers softly and nods her head. “Take your clothes off, Bexley, then mine,” I say and the sparkle appears in her eyes. She obeys and strips naked so fast I have a hard time looking as she comes to me and pulls my pants down. Kissing her way down as she does. “Stand,” I tell her knowing her mouth is inching toward my cock. “What if I want to bend,” she says the little seductress, as bends over in front of me. Touching herself between her legs. “Bexley,” I warn and her hands drop, and she stands. Facing me. “You love me, Zeke?” she asks standing there

naked. “Yes,” I say stepping closer. “And, do I love you?” she asks not moving. “Yes,” I tell her again, stepping even closer. “Am I it for you, Zeke?” she asks cocking her head. “You know you are.” “Sometimes a girl has to hear it,” she says smiling. “You want me to tell you every day?” I ask. “That would be nice,” she says making me smile. “Every day it is then.” “And you don’t want kids?” she says again. “No, just you.” “Just me,” she half whispers to herself. I don’t let her continue with her thoughts as I grab her and pick her up, throwing her backward on the bed. I flip her over and start kissing her feet, making my way up her legs. Leaving a kiss on each part of her body as I go. She whimpers when I’m near her pussy, but I continue onward, biting her soft ass as I go up. I get to the back of her neck and she turns her face sideways and smiles. “My turn,” she says flipping me off and telling

me to turn around. I’m a bit confused at first, until she palms my ass, and then leans down and bites it. “I’ve always wanted to do that, I love your ass,” she says and I get back up covering her body with mine. “It’s all yours, Pixie,” I tell her placing my hand over her pussy and inserting a finger. I crawl down, covering her with my mouth. She grabs my hair tight and fucks my face. I let her, I let her do anything. She comes loud, and I don’t let her recover as I climb up and lift her legs over my shoulders and slam into her. She screams for more, harder. I do as she obliges, watching her as I do. And as the moment passes, one like I’ve never felt before, her eyes lock onto mine, watching me. “You do love me,” she says it as a statement. She reaches up bringing our bodies close so we’re one. She doesn’t let me answer, as she moves her hips, forcing me to continue my movements not even realizing I’ve stopped and kisses me again. **** I watch her sleep that night, her mouth open, her eyes shut. Lost in dreamland, my hand traces over hip up her side and stopping at her neck. She rolls into me stopping me from touching her and clings to me. I fall fast asleep, knowing this is what my life will be like forever. And I’ve never felt happier.

“Wake up,” Bexley’s voice wakes me. I turn to her and see her fully dressed. I look to the time and see we’ve slept for ages. And go to grab her, and she brushes my hand away. She looks panicked. “You’re out of the business?” she asks fast. “What are you talking about? Come back to bed,” I say and she shakes her head. “My father and about five other FBI agents are walking up here right now. You didn’t lie to me did you, Zeke?” she asks as I sit up and look at her, then quickly get dressed. “No, I didn’t lie to you,” I say pulling up my pants. “Why are they here then?” she asks angrily. “I don’t know,” I tell her. The knock on the door is loud, and Bexley’s father yells for her to open it. She looks at me, then walks to the door swinging it open. I follow and see her father standing there looking at her, then his gaze turns to me in anger. “Where were you last night?” he asks stepping in. The other agents stay where they are, guns raised. Bexley huffs at them and they put their guns down but are still armed. “He was here all night,” she says for me, his gaze swings to her. “You’re associating yourself with this?” He points to me. “Again,” he finishes.

“Yes,” she says looking back at me. “Did you know his MC murdered three FBI agents last night,” he says to her, anger rife in his voice. She looks at me again and I can’t tell if she’s trying to figure out what’s going on. “Who?” I say. “Your man, Quinton. He’s dead now, though. But it was under your orders, was it not?” he asks me stepping in further. I close my eyes. Why did he do that? “Zeke?” Bexley asks. “He was my brother, I made him President,” I tell her which she understands. She’s met him but never knew he was my brother. My mother doesn’t even know. He was the bastard of the family, Dad’s one-night stand that turned into the life of a child. “You’re saying you had nothing to do with this?” he asks me. I shake my head, grabbing my things and packing them up. I have to go back. I hear Bexley yelling at her father and I don’t take notice as I pack. “Where are you going?” she asks, she must have sent him away because I can’t hear him or his men anymore. “I have to go, I have to bury my brother,” I tell her. She grabs a bag for herself and starts packing.

“Bexley,” I say not wanting the words to come out, but knowing I have to. “Don’t,” she warns. “Bexley—” I go to say again, and she slams her lips on mine and pulls away just as fast to finish packing. I don’t argue with her again and go straight to the airport.

It doesn’t matter which way you choose to love, love in the way that’s best for you. Love hard! ~T.L Smith~

Chapter 42

He sits there staring out the window. We arrived back at his home and had a car pick us up straight away. I ask him where we’re going and he doesn’t answer, just sits there lost in his world. I know he wanted to say to me back there. I’m not dumb, he wanted to tell me he was sorry, that he had to go back. And not just back to his home, but back to his life. The one he wanted to change to be with me. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” he says as we stop out the front of his parents’ home, both of us sitting in the car. “Have your feelings changed since twenty-four hours ago?” I ask him, he shakes his head. A swell of relief surges through me. “No, they haven’t, but Bexley, I can’t escape this life. It will always bring me back, and it’s not what you want.” “I want you,” I tell him trying to make him see

reason. “This is me,” he says pointing outward in the general area. “Let’s just not make any plans until we get through this week,” I say reaching over picking up his hand and kissing it. He lets go and climbs out, coming around to my side and grabbing my hand and walking inside his parents’ house. His mother is screaming when I enter, and his father is sitting there looking at her, but not really listening. They stop when Zeke slams the door shut behind me, making me jump. “Did you know?” his mother walks up to him screaming at him now. Zeke nods his head and she slaps him, then walks off. “What happened?” Zeke asks, walking into his father. “I don’t know, you’ll have to go the clubhouse,” his father says looking deflated. “You told her?” he asks his father. “She had to know, I’m paying for his funeral, I was the first contact. It’s time we stop shielding her,” he says and notices me for the first time attached to Zeke’s side. He forces a smile and nods his head then walks away. We don’t stay long and he drives me back to his house, the one I thought he’d sold. I give him a

puzzled look when he opens the door and everything looks the same. Did he lie to me? “Quinton, I gave it to him,” he says explaining my unasked question. I nod my head and he walks to his office. This place carries bad memories for me. This is where I arrested him. “Just go to bed, Bexley,” he says, not looking up while searching through his files. “Are we going back to this, Zeke?” I ask him standing my ground, he doesn’t look at me straight away. “I don’t deal well with emotion, you should know this by now. I’ve been trying, but right now, I need space,” he says, and I don’t know if he means space from me, or just time to think. **** I lay on the bed for hours. Hours of him not coming, hours of not hearing from him. Wondering what I should do? When he walks in looking deflated, he kicks his shoes off, and then the rest of his clothes follow. Climbing in next to me, he pulls me to him, then kisses my shoulder. “He fucked up bad, I can’t leave again, Pixie,” he says sounding so depressed. I don’t voice my concern, I just lay there wrapped in his arms, wondering what tomorrow will bring.

**** The next day comes fast, most of it I don’t see him. He’s gone before I wake and I’m left alone. It’s not until later that day he walks back in the door looking run down and tired. He has blood on his hands, his face is masked. If I didn’t know him so well, I wouldn’t go near him. He looks scary with an evil glint in his eye. “Zeke?” I say and he walks straight past me not saying a word, heading for the shower. I stand there shocked at first and decide to follow. He’s in the shower, head against the wall with hands on either side. The blood rushes off of him turning the water red and then disappears down the drain. He doesn’t move when I push the curtain back and step in. I’m clothed, in only shorts and tank top. I wrap my hands around him, hugging him from behind. “I don’t want this life for you,” he says, not moving. “I want this,” I say and squeeze him. One of his hands drops and he covers mine with his. The blood washed away, my mind can’t even ask him why there was blood covering him though I guess it has to do with Quinton. “Marry me?” he asks, turning around to face me. “I can’t have kids, Zeke, I have no equipment

down there for that. It’s all gone,” I say wanting to make it clear to him that it can never happen for us. I’ve come to live with the fact and he shouldn’t have to if that’s what he wants. My mother had cervical cancer, so did my grandmother. I was advised it was safer for me to have everything removed before it took my life as well. I had cancer, it’s all gone now. “I said, marry me, Pixie,” he says turning around and pinning me against the wall. “Yes,” I say to him. He wants me, just me. Against all that has stood before us… it’s just us. “I come with all this, Bexley. I’ve tried, but it’s all my responsibility and it won’t leave me,” he says brushing my hair from my face. Watching my lips carefully. “Not all of it,” I say hoping he did get rid of the other businesses. “Not all, just the MC. I can’t rid myself of that, it’s mine.” His lips slowly come down to touch mine and I let him. He stops all of a sudden and walks out of the shower, leaving me there yet again alone. I don’t move, and when I hear the door close, I look at it and see him naked with a ring box, he steps back into the shower. Rolls the case around in his palm and looks at me. “I don’t do happily ever after, but I do, do, right

now. I didn’t do women, once was all I needed, but then they weren’t you. I didn’t do love, it wasn’t for me. But you made me see it, and feel it. And it’s all yours,” he says taking the ring from the box and sliding it onto my finger. I don’t look at the ring. Instead, my eyes are trained on him. His face when he talks, the passion in his eyes, the way he watches me. “I did it all wrong, but I’m all kinds of fucked up, you already know that. But now, you have me anyway,” he says winking stepping forward and wrapping me in a vice like grip. I look over his shoulder at the ring. It’s a ruby, covered with diamonds surrounding it. “It’s red,” I say surprised, but also loving it. “The devil loves red,” he says and I smile. He gets me, and that’s all that matters.

We loved with a love that was more than love. ~Edgar Allan Poe~

Chapter 43

She swings around the dance floor with my father, her black dress hugging all her curves on her beautiful body. We’re married, I didn’t want to wait long. It’s been two months since I put that ring on her finger. Two months of planning and organizing for this day. The moment she stepped down the aisle in her black wedding dress with a red sash wrapped around her hips, I knew I’d never want another woman. She is it. No one can compare. My sight is blocked by my annoying friend, who’s dressed in all white. In a dress to be exact, and I stifle a laugh when I look her up and down. She smacks me hard in the gut. “Laugh again and I’m punching lower,” Aria warns. She stands next to me and watches as my father dips Bexley back, and says something to her

when he does and a smile lights her face, making her laugh. “I would never wear this for anyone else,” Aria mutters next to me. “I would never marry anyone else,” I mutter back to her. “Yeah, she’s something special, isn’t she? Can I have her?” she jokes, well at least I think she’s kidding. “She is,” I reply and Bexley stands and kisses my father’s cheek. She spots us and makes her way over. Before she gets to us a man steps in front of her, she looks back to me then to the man and nods her head to him. Aria grabs my arm and stops me from walking. “Chill man, you just put a ring on it,” she says holding my arm. “Don’t you have anyone else to bother?” I ask, raising my eyebrows. “Psst, you’re it. It’s so much fun, you’re like a child,” she goads. “I’m walking away now, Aria,” I tell her stepping to where Tragger just took my wife to the dance floor. “Go all macho man on her ass,” she yells behind me. I tap Tragger on the shoulder and he steps back and gives me my wife. She smiles up at me grabbing my red tie and straightening it.

“Miss me?” she asks placing her hands around my neck. My hands circle around her waist, hanging onto her ass. “Always,” I say kissing her head. “I want us to do something,” I say and she looks up at me and smiles. “Yeah, what?” “I want us to write notes to each other, seal them, and open them in two years’ time.” “Oh, you’re pretty sure of yourself,” she says smacking my chest. “Pixie, there’s no leaving me. You do realize that?” I warn her. “I know, you would hunt me down and keep me locked up forever,” she teases. “I would,” I say to her smiling.

Notes

I never want another woman in my life. You’re it. You will always be it.

Love me, when I’m old.

You better still be putting out, I will always want that pussy.

Tell me every day, how much you love me.

Never underestimate my love for you. It knows no bounds.

I have loved you from the moment I saw you.

My one rule, my one rule is never to stop showing you my love.

Twisted Perception (Aria’s Story) Coming Soon.

This story is not one of rainbows and happily ever after’s, so if you’re looking for that, stop reading. My story is fucked and deluded, just like the person telling it. You see, I’m a trafficker. I traffic gorgeous young men for my clients, the lonely old women whose husbands are more than likely off cheating on them. You’re not going to like me, I’m not going to lie. I’m a bitch, a manipulator, the type of girl your mother warned you about.

Prologue I want to tell you a story, a story about some fucked up people. I am one of those fucked up people, among many. I was a woman who didn’t take no for an answer, I got what I wanted and I was good at what I did. My job wasn’t something ordinary people could do; you had to have no heart. Be cold as the cement beneath your feet, and that’s who I was, well I thought I was. My job was hard, but I was good at it. I thought I would always be good at it. I was a fucked up person filling other people's fucked up realities, and that’s not even the worst of it. You may hate me by the end of this story, but I don’t really give a fuck. I don’t strive for people to love me or even like me. So to tell you my complicated story, and how I came to where I am today. I have to take you back, back to the beginning.

Chapter 1 I’d like to tell you about my childhood, and that it was so fucked up and it’s the reason I do what I do, but that would be a lie. My childhood was much like most people’s childhoods. I had a mother and father, who love me greatly. I have a brother and a sister, and though they get on my nerves, we love each other just as much. No, my upbringing had nothing to do with the person I am today. That came from a night out with my brother and his new girlfriend. My brother is my twin. We do look a lot alike, with our dark hair and tanned skin. Both with the same hazel eyes, though unlike him, my body is covered in ink. Which, of course, my parents aren’t a big fan of, but the ink is my way to express my differences. I yearn to be different; I don’t want a mundane life. So, anyway where was I? Oh yes, my brother. Sometimes he knows me so well, that he knows what I’m thinking without saying it. It can be useful at times and some, not so much. Our baby sister who’s only one year younger than us could pass as our twin as well. We all look

alike though our personalities differ considerably. Jagger is my twin, and male whore working his way through lawyer school. Jessa is my baby sister, and I’m pretty sure wants to be a Goth. Me, well, I’m lost. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Nothing interests me, and I feel that time is ticking away. I’m almost twenty-five and still live at home with my parents. I work at a café that I absolutely hate. It’s full of rich and snobby people. My name is Aria, the lost person who has no idea what I want to do. There’s no way in hell I plan to work the rest of my life waitressing but as I said, I’m fussy and have no idea what I want to do. Though as I was saying, that changed one night with Jagger’s girlfriend. Celcia was her name, she was already a lawyer. I’d known her for a few years though we never talked much. I knew she knew all about me from my brother, and as much of a whore that he is, he also has a bigger mouth than a girl that’s drunk. Celcia had one too many drinks and decided to tell me about her sex life. I wasn’t interested until she told me how she came about her sexual partners. I thought she was lying to start off with, I thought that doesn’t happen in the real world, only in movies or books. She asked for my number and told me they wanted someone new, someone who could get the job done. Whatever the job was? I brushed her off and thought nothing of it. That was until one night at work.

I never gave a second thought to what Celcia told me that night. I assumed she was drunk and making shit up. She wasn’t. I should have listened carefully, taken in all that she was rambling about. But I didn’t, so the following week when a gentleman came up to me and asked for me by my name, I was surprised. And then when he asked to talk to me in private, I was even more surprised. Then he asked me how many times I’ve been in love and had sexual partners, I was ready to punch him. He laughed at me, his name was Dominic. He wouldn’t tell me much at first; he wanted to get to know me, to see what I was capable of. He was in his early thirties I’m guessing. Very attractive, dressed in a suit. Short dark hair, mysterious was what he was. “Celcia said you’re what I’m looking for. She said you would be able to handle what needed to be done. I’m not quite sure, you seem too young, too good.” I wanted to yell at him, to scream at him. The way he said “good,” was like I was a schoolgirl, who did no wrong. So I answered all his questions that day, even the ones I didn’t want to. I needed to know more about what he was offering, even if that meant telling him things I didn’t want to. “Have you been in love?” “No.”

“Do you enjoy sex?” “Yes.” “Do you want to fall in love?” “No.” “Do you want a husband and kids?” “No.” “Could you hurt someone so bad that even if they’re pleading with you to stop, but you’re not allowed to?” “Yes.” “Can you be discreet?” “Yes.” The questions went on and on, and it seemed as though he was testing me, seeing what made me tick. Testing to see my limits. I wasn’t lying when I answered all his questions. I don’t want those things. I like to spoil myself, have everything to myself. I’m selfish, I don’t like to share. I grew up sharing everything my whole life, whether it was with my sister with my clothes, or my brother knowing my thoughts. I wanted to separate myself from that, to be my own person, and Dominic was offering me that. “I’m not going to lie, you’re a beautiful woman. It’s what I look for, looks are a big factor in what I do. But also strength, I don’t want someone who

would fuck up my operation because she cared too much, or she thought what I do is too cruel. I strive in my business, Aria. If you fuck with my business…well, let’s just say you would not be happy.” He leans back in his chair and takes me in. What I guess he’s looking for is something that says I would crack. That he could pick up just from my facial expressions, but I’ve started to master my facial expressions. One has to do so when your family can pick up on the smallest of things. “Meet me tomorrow at this address. If you think you can handle what I’ll show you, you’ll have yourself a job.” He stands and holds out a card to me. I take it and stand and shake his hand. He looks me over again, this time his eyes roaming my body from top to bottom. He never said another word then he left. I stood there bewitched by him and his questions. Wondering what kind of job would require such information. Surely what Celcia said can’t all be true. Woman don’t traffic men, do they? I’ve heard stories of women been taken and sold into sex slavery, but never a man. Women are an easy capture, easy prey. Dominic seems to think the other way around. ****

I dress in shorts, runners and a blue tank top the next day. As I make my way downstairs, my mother shakes her head at me. “What?” I harrumph at her, grabbing my bag from the kitchen table. “Can you not cover them up?” She waves her hand in the direction of my body, at my tattoos. I give her the stink eye. You know the one, where you don’t want to insult your loved one, but what they just said you think is utterly ridiculous. “I think they’re beautiful,” my father says coming up to stand next to me and wrapping a hand around my shoulders to pull me in for a hug. I’m such a daddy’s girl and I love it. “She isn’t a man, Ryan, she’s a lady.” I know she means well, and I did almost give her a heart attack when I was twenty and came home from vacation covered in ink. “No, she’s a strong independent woman, with beautiful words and roses covering her body. Just stop it now, Julie, leave her be.” My father gives me one last squeeze before he walks away, leaving me standing there facing my mother. “You know I mean no disrespect, hunny. I love you. I just don’t understand this,” she says waving her hands at my arms that are covered in Celtic writing. I do cover up some around her, I have

more than her eyes can currently see. I walk over and kiss her cheek, I’m already running late. Dominic is expecting me in thirty minutes. He was flat on the phone, not providing many details. Told me where and when to meet him, and he said not to be late before he hung up on me. I wanted to ring him back and tell him off for hanging up, but that probably wouldn’t land me a job. I arrive at a luxury house five minutes late and see two men standing on the front terrace. I guess they’re bodyguards. They look me over, from top to bottom assessing me. The taller one walks out to me and pats me down, he doesn’t say a word. The shorter one nods for me to enter the house. I give him a weird look, are they not allowed to talk? I walk straight past the men and into a dimly lit entrance. Dominic is standing there waiting for me. He looks me over the same way he did at the restaurant, then his lip quirks up into a smile. I place my hand on my hip and raise my eyebrows, his quirk stops and he starts to walk off leaving me standing there. “Follow,” he says softly, just loud enough for me to hear. I straighten my stance and follow him up the staircase stopping on the second level of the house. I look around and notice it’s all rooms up here. There are no paintings on the wall, and no

photos. Just plain white walls. Downstairs was much the same, but it feels smaller and bearer up here. “Ms. Nixon, are you sure you want this job?” Dominic asks with his hand on the doorknob looking at me. I’m still not one hundred percent sure what this job entails, but I’m not one to back down. I don’t question him either about how he knew my name. I just nod my head and wait to see what he has for me. His lips do that quirk thing again, it reminds me of someone who wants to smile, but is trying to retain it inside. He opens the door and walks out of my sight. Following close behind him into the dark room, the first thing I see is a glass wall, one similar to what they have at police stations. I walk close to it, not paying attention to anything else. I feel like I have to see what’s on the other side of that glass. What I see first is hard to believe, and I immediately step back. Dominic is right behind me and grabs hold of my waist, his fingers burn into my skin, and his grip tightens. But it’s hard to focus on anything else right now as my eyes are glued to the two people in front of me, who obviously can’t see me.

My Notes and Shit! Thank you, thank you. If you’re reading this, you have finished, and probably wanting more of my girl Aria, don’t worry, she’s coming soon. Her book is next. If you did love this book, or hell even hated it. Tell me. Preferably on Amazon if you could. Reviews on that site mean so much to me, and all authors. If you want to contact me, keep up to date on any of my stuff, hit me up. I am easy to talk to and I have a fan group if you want to join. https://www.facebook.com/groups/354182828086717/ You’re probably wondering why I added love notes, and they are all different. Nobody loves the same, everyone is different. But love is love, right? Now with the Thank You’s. This is probably the hardest part of the book. I always feel like I leave someone out, and if I do, I do not mean to.

My beta girls, Kayla, Kristy, Casey, Kristy-Leah and KC. Thankyou for all your feedback. It helps make my stories all pretty and shit…bahaha. Kaylene, you always fit me in, even when I’m a pain in the ass and give you shit notice. I’m trying to improve, really I am. My Hotties, you know who you are. Thanks for all your pimping. My readers, you guys, rock my socks off. My bloggers that take a chance on me and continue to support me. No one could see me if it wasn’t for you. So a massive thank you. Jame’s, thanks for being my model for this book. Pssst…he has a FB page you should like. Regina Photography, you worked your magic. Thanks, girl. And this beautiful cover was made by the very talented Louisa, thank you so much, girl. And last but not least, my fams. Who always support me and believe in me. Love you guys hard!